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Scene 1 -  A Kind Act in the City
EXT. SHOPPING DISTRICT - RESTAURANT - DAY

The violin music drifts over a busy shopping district.

Footsteps POUND towards the violin music. A cute, black child
with Muslim roots, KID (12), races down the street, chased by
WHITE TEENAGE BULLIES wearing hoodies. Kid dashes around a
yellow, modern-day taxi.

Kid runs toward BETRAND (40), the violin player next to
Restaurant la Vérité. He's a warm-hearted homeless man with a
Christian background, French but fluent in American English.
Although homeless, aside from his prominent beard, Betrand
seems clean and healthy.

A PASSERBY throws a coin into the hat sitting in front him.

SUPER: THE AMERICAN DREAM

Kid jumps over Betrand's outstretched legs.

The MUSIC "This Land is My Land" STOPS abruptly.

As the first Bully jumps over Betrands legs, Betrand raises
his foot, tripping the teenager.

BULLY 1
You motherfucking foreigner!

The Bully's friends swarm Betrand, whose little dog POLLY
yips and bites at their ankles. One of the teens kicks
Betrand's hat, and his collected change scatters across the
street.

BRUTAL CHASER 2
Get it!

Some SHOPPERS stop, but no one intervenes. The teens grab the
large bills and run.



Created using Celtx
2.


As Betrand processes this, Kid approaches him cautiously,
then helps Betrand pick up his hat and what change is left.
When they finish, the two sit next to each other on the steps
near the restaurant.

BETRAND
(with an ever so slight French
accent)
Thank you.

KID
(with a different, slight foreign
accent)
I have to thank you!

BETRAND
What was that all about?

Kid offers Betrand a slice of bread.

KID
I took his bread.

BETRAND
Thou shalt not steal.

KID
Thou didn't. He threw it away.

BETRAND
Really?

KID
I swear. It happens all the time. They
don't eat it. They buy hamburgers and
only eat half of them.

Kid shows what he picked up, still half packed.

KID
See, it's still in the plastic.

BETRAND
(smiles wisely)
I know.

Betrand examines the food; tastes it.

BETRAND
Not bad.



Created using Celtx
3.


KID
I made sure I grabbed a fresh one.

BETRAND
Picky.

KID
(seriously)
Of course.

Betrand picks up his violin and starts playing again. Kid
pets Polly with care, like they've known each others for
years.
Genres: ["Drama","Social Issues"]

Summary A young black boy, Kid, is chased by a group of white teenage bullies through a busy shopping district. He escapes their harassment by jumping over Betrand, a homeless violinist, who is then attacked by the bullies. Despite the assault, Betrand remains calm and does not retaliate. Kid, feeling grateful for Betrand's protection, helps him collect the scattered change and offers him a half-eaten sandwich. Betrand accepts the food and starts playing his violin again, a gesture of peace and resilience. The scene ends with Kid petting Betrand's dog, suggesting a newfound connection between the two characters, who have both experienced hardship but found solace and kindness in each other.
Strengths
  • Strong character development
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Exploration of social issues
Weaknesses
  • Limited action
  • Lack of external conflict

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively sets up the central conflict and establishes the characters while conveying a sense of empathy and hope. The dialogue is engaging and reveals the personalities of the characters.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring social issues such as poverty, kindness, and food waste through the interaction between a homeless man and a young boy is compelling and thought-provoking.

Plot: 7

The plot introduces the conflict between the homeless man and the bullies, setting the stage for potential character development and resolution. It also hints at the theme of resilience.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces unique characters and explores themes of homelessness, bullying, and compassion in a fresh and authentic way.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Betrand and Kid are well-developed and engaging. Their interaction reveals their personalities and sets the foundation for potential growth and change.

Character Changes: 7

Both Betrand and Kid show potential for growth and change based on their interaction and the challenges they face.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to find a sense of belonging and connection, as seen in his interaction with Betrand and his actions towards the bullies.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to protect Betrand and stand up against the bullies, reflecting his sense of justice and empathy.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict between Betrand and the bullies adds tension and sets the stage for potential character growth and resolution.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create conflict and challenge the protagonist's beliefs and values.

High Stakes: 6

While the stakes are not extremely high in this scene, the emotional impact and potential for character growth make the situation significant.

Story Forward: 7

The scene sets up the central conflict and establishes the characters, moving the story forward and hinting at potential developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected actions of the characters and the moral ambiguity of the situation.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict is between the values of compassion and cruelty, as seen in the interaction between the protagonist and the bullies.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes empathy and hope in the audience through the characters' interactions and the themes explored.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is natural and reveals the characters' backgrounds and motivations. It also conveys the themes of the scene effectively.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its dynamic action, emotional depth, and moral dilemmas that keep the audience invested in the characters' journey.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotional depth, enhancing the impact of the characters' interactions.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows standard formatting for its genre, with clear action lines and dialogue cues.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with a setup, conflict, and resolution, effectively conveying the protagonist's goals and challenges.


Critique
  • The scene opens with a strong visual of a young black boy being chased by white teenage bullies, setting up a tense and dramatic situation.
  • The interaction between Kid and Betrand is heartwarming and shows a sense of camaraderie between them.
  • The dialogue between Kid and Betrand feels natural and authentic, showcasing their unique personalities.
  • The use of the 'This Land is My Land' music adds to the atmosphere of the scene.
  • The conflict with the bullies adds tension and drama to the scene, creating a sense of danger and urgency.
  • The scene effectively establishes Betrand as a kind-hearted character who is willing to help others despite his own struggles.
  • The scene effectively sets up the dynamic between Kid, Betrand, and Polly, establishing a sense of family and unity.
  • The scene effectively introduces the themes of kindness, generosity, and resilience.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more visual descriptions to enhance the setting and atmosphere of the scene.
  • Explore the emotional depth of the characters further to create a more impactful and engaging interaction.
  • Consider adding more layers to the conflict with the bullies to increase the stakes and tension.
  • Develop the backstory of Kid and Betrand to provide more context and depth to their relationship.
  • Consider incorporating more sensory details to immerse the audience in the scene and create a more vivid experience.
  • Explore the themes of identity, belonging, and community to add depth and complexity to the characters and their journey.
  • Consider adding a subtle foreshadowing of future events to create intrigue and suspense for the audience.
  • Ensure that the dialogue remains authentic and true to the characters' voices and backgrounds.



Scene 2 -  The Missing Man
EXT. FRANCE - DAY

French buildings with French flags and a glimpse of the
Eiffel Tower. French music reinforces the image.

INT. OFFICE - FRANCE - DAY

Two men dressed in suits, MR. ALTHOM TAYLOR, a banker, and
the bank's lawyer, MR. JEAN LOUIS BEAUVAIS, are talking to
another well-dressed man, a PRIVATE INVESTIGATOR.

MR. BEAUVAIS
Bienvenue en France.

PRIVATE INVESTIGATOR
Do you speak English?

MR. BEAUVAIS
To the point then. We were hoping you
could find someone we hardly know. We
don't even know what he looks like,
but you came highly recommended.

Mr. Beavias hands the Private Investigator a slim file. The
P.I. flips through it. Looks skeptical.

MR. TAYLOR
We heard you were a highly trained
bounty hunter.

PRIVATE INVESTIGATOR
Bail enforcement agent. "Bounty
hunter" is what they called us in old
movies. I was a police officer for 14
years, if that's what your referral
meant by "trained."



Created using Celtx
4.


MR. TAYLOR
So you can find people?

PRIVATE INVESTIGATOR
That's my job.

MR. BEAUVAIS
I'm surprised those kinds of jobs
still exist.

PRIVATE INVESTIGATOR
You shouldn't be. Lots of people are
looking for their family, for kids,
teenagers who ran off.., or fathers
who want to avoid child support.
People have all kinds of motives.

Mr. Beauvais and Mr. Taylor look at each other with mutual
understanding and satisfaction.

MR. BEAUVAIS
Dans ce cas, nous n'avons pas la
permission de parler des motifs.

MR. TAYLOR
(clears his throat)
We are not allowed to discuss the
background of the one we are looking
for. All we can say: It's about money.

PRIVATE INVESTIGATOR
He is a convict? Or something like
that?

MR. BEAUVAIS
Condamné?

MR. TAYLOR
We are not allowed to say. But we can
tell you he disappeared after a fire
that killed his whole family.

The private investigator examines a photo in the file. Shows
it to the two other men.

PRIVATE INVESTIGATOR
This picture's all you got?

MR. BEAUVAIS
That's all that was left after the
fire.


Created using Celtx
5.


PRIVATE INVESTIGATOR
Not much help, man. How old is the
photo?

MR. TAYLOR
We think it was taken 3 or 4 years
ago.

PRIVATE INVESTIGATOR
He has no family to consult?

MR. TAYLOR
No one.

PRIVATE INVESTIGATOR
You think he is in France?

MR. BEAUVAIS
Non, il a partit en Amérique.

MR. TAYLOR
He boarded a cargo boat to America. If
you find him, you can identify him by
the picture in his passport. Maybe he
still has it.

MR. BEAUVAIS
Nous ne sommes pas sûre.

MR. TAYLOR
All his personal belongings were lost
in the fire, too.

PRIVATE INVESTIGATOR
(after some hesitation)
It won't be easy to find him. Still, I
am intrigued. I'll take the job.
Genres: ["Drama","Mystery"]

Summary Two bankers, Mr. Althom Taylor and Mr. Jean Louis Beauvais, visit a private investigator in France, seeking help in finding a man who disappeared after a fire that killed his family. They provide the investigator with limited information and an old photo, making the case challenging. Despite skepticism, the investigator is intrigued and agrees to take on the case, adding an element of mystery and suspense to the scene.
Strengths
  • Intriguing setup of mystery
  • Sharp dialogue
  • Establishment of key characters
Weaknesses
  • Limited information about the missing man
  • Lack of immediate action or conflict

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively sets up a compelling mystery and introduces a key character, the private investigator, who will drive the plot forward.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a missing man after a tragic event and the hiring of a private investigator to find him is engaging and sets up a strong foundation for the plot.

Plot: 7

The plot is intriguing as it introduces the mystery of the missing man and sets up the investigative process that will drive the story forward.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the classic detective story, with a focus on the complexities of finding a missing person without much information to go on. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters, especially the private investigator, are well-defined and set up to play crucial roles in unraveling the mystery of the missing man.

Character Changes: 5

There are no significant character changes in this scene, but the private investigator's introduction sets the stage for potential development.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to solve the mystery of finding a missing person, reflecting their desire to uncover the truth and potentially help someone in need.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to locate the missing person who disappeared after a tragic event, reflecting the immediate challenge they are facing in the investigation.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

The conflict is subtle but present in the mystery surrounding the missing man and the challenges the private investigator will face in finding him.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create conflict and challenge the protagonist's investigative skills, adding complexity to the narrative.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are high as the missing man's tragic past and the need to find him are established, creating urgency and importance.

Story Forward: 8

The scene effectively moves the story forward by introducing the private investigator and the central mystery of the missing man.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unknown nature of the missing person case and the potential twists and turns that could arise in the investigation.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the ethical implications of searching for someone without revealing the full details of their background. It challenges the protagonist's values of honesty and transparency in their work.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The emotional impact is moderate, as the scene sets up the emotional stakes of the missing man's tragic past.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is sharp, professional, and reveals key information about the missing man and the investigation, keeping the audience engaged.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the suspenseful mystery, well-developed characters, and intriguing dialogue that keeps the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and suspense, with a gradual reveal of information that keeps the audience engaged and eager to learn more.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with proper scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a mystery genre, with a clear setup, character introductions, and a central conflict that drives the narrative forward.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear sense of urgency or tension, considering the serious nature of the conversation about finding someone who disappeared after a tragic fire.
  • The dialogue feels a bit too straightforward and lacks depth, especially when discussing such a sensitive topic like a missing person after a family tragedy.
  • The characters, Mr. Althom Taylor, Mr. Jean Louis Beauvais, and the Private Investigator, could be more fleshed out to make the scene more engaging and dynamic.
  • The setting of France could be utilized more effectively to create a sense of atmosphere and enhance the overall mood of the scene.
  • There is a missed opportunity to build suspense and intrigue around the missing person's case, which could have added layers to the storyline.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more layers to the dialogue by incorporating subtle hints, cryptic remarks, or emotional undertones to create a more engaging conversation.
  • Introduce more visual elements or actions to break up the dialogue and add visual interest to the scene.
  • Explore the characters' motivations and backstories to add depth and complexity to their interactions.
  • Utilize the French setting to create a more immersive environment by describing the surroundings, incorporating cultural elements, or using French language nuances.
  • Enhance the tension and intrigue by introducing subtle clues or hints about the missing person's identity or the circumstances surrounding the fire.



Scene 3 -  The Grumpy Customer and the Soft-Boiled Egg
EXT. SHOPPING DISTRICT - RESTAURANT - DAY

Betrand plays his violin. A few shoppers drop coins in his
upside down hat. Kid, still next to him, listens while he
plays with Polly the dog.

KID
You play the violin well.

BETRAND
You have a good taste in food and
music.



Created using Celtx
6.


KID
My sister plays piano.

BETRAND
Really? She does?

KID
My mom thinks it's important.

BETRAND
Like fresh food?

KID
Yeah.

Polly starts to growl softly.

KID
What's wrong with her?

BETRAND
Just wait and see.

Betrand continues playing the violin, but now the music takes
a dark turn, even a little provocative.

MR. SITTERLY, a little man in a messy, old-fashioned suit
that's too big for him, passes. He wears worn-out shoes and
has unkempt hair. He is the unfriendly owner and chef of the
adjacent restaurant, La Vérité. Polly growls at him softly.

SITTERLY
Hmmmm.

EXT. RESTAURANT ENTRANCE - DAY

Kid watches Mr. Sitterly, who walks up the low stone
staircase into the entrance of his restaurant. A dirty
nameplate shows 'La Vérité'. Sitterly unlocks the door.

INT. RESTAURANT LA VÉRITÉ - CONTINUOUS

Sitterly steps inside. The old-fashioned, wannabe French
interior has the Eiffel Tower and Notre Dame wallpaper with
Chinese masks and photographs tacked up. Even more jarring,
the restaurant shows Victorian influence with English lace
tablecloths.

SITTERLY
(To himself)
I can't stand those bumbs.


Created using Celtx
7.


(calling)
Demario, is my breakfast ready?

DEMARIO
Yes, sirrr!

SITTERLY
My egg medium?

DEMARIO, the South African chef, always dressed in a white
jacket with golden buttons and epaulettes, enters with
Sitterly's breakfast on a tray and serves Sitterly like a
guest at a table with classic cutlery.

Sitterly peels his egg; Demario politely waits at the table
for his approval. The egg is soft-boiled. Egg yolk runs over
Sitterly's hands.

SITTERLY
(annoyed)
You call this medium?

DEMARIO
Medium-soft, sirrr!

SITTERLY
How can I run a posh restaurant if my
staff can't even cook an egg?

DEMARIO
Fortunately our guests come for your
art of cooking, not mine, sir.

SITTERLY
You are absolutely right. Take this...

Sitterly hands him the messy small plate with the remaining
mashed up egg. Demario runs off to the kitchen.

Sitterly continues eating what's left, smacking lis lips,
hasty and messy. He scratches his nose with his fork. Not a
nice man to look at.
Genres: ["Drama","Mystery"]

Summary A street violinist entertains passersby while a young child admires his music. Nearby, Mr. Sitterly, the owner of a restaurant called 'La Vérité,' complains to his chef, Demario, about a poorly cooked soft-boiled egg. Sitterly's messy eating habits and harsh demeanor highlight a power dynamic between him and his staff. The scene ends with Sitterly continuing his critical remarks, foreshadowing future conflicts.
Strengths
  • Strong character development
  • Effective dialogue
  • Establishing tone
Weaknesses
  • Limited emotional impact
  • Minimal character change

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively sets the tone and introduces a key character, Mr. Sitterly, with strong dialogue and visual descriptions.


Story Content

Concept: 7

The concept of showcasing the unfriendly nature of Mr. Sitterly through his interactions with his staff and the setting of the restaurant is well executed.

Plot: 7

The plot progresses by introducing Mr. Sitterly and establishing his character, adding depth to the overall story.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces unique characters and settings, such as the eclectic restaurant decor and the contrasting personalities of Sitterly and Demario. The dialogue feels authentic and adds depth to the characters.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters, especially Mr. Sitterly and Demario, are well-developed and their interactions add layers to the scene.

Character Changes: 4

There is minimal character change in this scene, primarily focused on introducing Mr. Sitterly's unfriendly nature.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to maintain his composure and professionalism in the face of Mr. Sitterly's rude behavior. This reflects his desire to uphold his reputation as a skilled chef and maintain a sense of dignity.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to serve Mr. Sitterly's breakfast to his satisfaction, despite the challenges presented by Sitterly's demanding nature.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

There is a subtle conflict between Mr. Sitterly and Demario, showcasing the tension in their relationship.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, as Sitterly's demanding behavior creates conflict and challenges for Demario.

High Stakes: 4

The stakes are relatively low in this scene, focusing more on character development and setting the tone.

Story Forward: 6

The scene moves the story forward by introducing a new key character and setting up potential conflicts.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected clash between Sitterly and Demario, which adds a layer of intrigue to the narrative.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between Sitterly's arrogant and entitled attitude towards his staff and Demario's humble and respectful demeanor. This challenges the protagonist's values of professionalism and respect in the workplace.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 5

The emotional impact is moderate, with a focus on establishing the tone and character dynamics.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue effectively conveys the personalities of the characters and sets the tone of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the dynamic interactions between characters and the buildup of tension between Sitterly and Demario.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and maintains the reader's interest through well-timed dialogue and actions.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings and descriptions that help visualize the setting and characters.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with well-defined character interactions and progression of events. It effectively sets up the conflict between Sitterly and Demario.


Critique
  • The scene starts off with a nice interaction between Betrand and Kid, showcasing their bond over music and food. However, the transition to Polly growling and the music taking a dark turn feels a bit abrupt and could be smoother.
  • The introduction of Mr. Sitterly is well done in terms of setting up his character through his appearance and actions. However, the description of the restaurant's interior and the mismatched decor could be more subtly conveyed to the audience.
  • The interaction between Sitterly and Demario is effective in showing Sitterly's rude demeanor and Demario's professionalism. The messy eating habits of Sitterly are highlighted well, adding to his unlikable character.
  • The dialogue between Sitterly and Demario effectively conveys the power dynamic between them, with Sitterly asserting his authority and Demario trying to appease him. The contrast in their attitudes towards the food adds depth to their characters.
  • The scene effectively sets up the dynamic between Sitterly and his staff, as well as his overall unpleasant personality. The visual descriptions help paint a vivid picture of the restaurant and its owner.
Suggestions
  • Consider smoothing out the transition from the light-hearted interaction between Betrand and Kid to the darker tone when Polly growls. This can help maintain the flow of the scene.
  • Try to convey the mismatched decor of the restaurant's interior in a more subtle manner, perhaps through actions or dialogue rather than explicit descriptions.
  • Explore ways to show Sitterly's unlikable traits beyond his messy eating habits, to add more depth to his character and make him more nuanced.
  • Consider adding more layers to the interaction between Sitterly and Demario to further highlight their dynamic and the power play between them.
  • Continue to use visual descriptions effectively to create a vivid picture of the setting and the characters, enhancing the overall atmosphere of the scene.



Scene 4 -  A New Beginning at La Vérité
INT. BONA'S HOUSE - SIMPLE HOME KITCHEN - DAY

BONA FERRARA (38), a pretty, young mother with Italian roots,
makes breakfast.

At the kitchen table sits MISS JEFFERSON (65), who lives
upstairs. She is sometimes referred to as "Granny," but
actually is Bona's landlord. A necklace with a small cross


Created using Celtx
8.


points subtly in the direction of christianity. She sits
opposite Bona's lovely daughter, GINA (8).

Despite well done makeup, Bona wears blue overalls streaked
with oil - a car mechanic.

MISS JEFFERSON
(Addressing Gina)
Eat your breakfast, darling.

BONA
It's no need to be nervous. Com on,
Gina. It's just like a normal school
day.

GINA
No, it isn't. It's sports day. Why
can't you come?

BONA
Miss Jefferson will take you. Mommy
has to work in the garage and then
apply for a new job. It's important.
Eat your toast. You need it. You'll be
out all day.

MISS JEFFERSON
You can't apply in those dirty
overalls.

BONA
I know. I'll change after I finish in
the garage.

INT. GARAGE WORKSHOP - DAY

Bona's sad boss, garage owner WILLIAM (65 - 70), is a kind,
small, old man with grease smudges on his face. He's dressed
to work in blue overalls that look like they've never been
washed.

In his dirty, calloused hands, he holds a bouquet of flowers.
Nothing impressive, but charming nonetheless.... Is that a
tear in his eye?

BONA
What's this for?

WILLIAM
Your last day at work with me.



Created using Celtx
9.


BONA
You shouldn't have. It's me who should
buy you flowers.

William and Bona hug each other, both trying to control their
emotions.

WILLIAM
I'm sorry.

BONA
Don't worry about it.

WILLIAM
It's the damned monopolies and our
government. They kill small business
with their regulations and taxes. Now
what about you?

BONA
Miss Jefferson found me a new job
offer. A restaurant.

WILLIAM
A restaurant? You?

BONA
Hey. I served pizzas in Italy.

EXT. SHOPPING DISTRICT - RESTAURANT - DAY

Nicely dressed and in heels now, Bona looks like a new woman.
She walks through the shopping district. Every now and then
Bona stops to check her outfit in mirrored shop windows.

At last, she comes across Betrand playing the violin, Kid,
and little dog Polly. She makes Betrand smile as she drops a
quarter in his hat and continues up the steps to the
restaurant, La Vérité.

INT. RESTAURANT LA VÉRITÉ - DAY

Bona stands across from Sitterly in the restaurant.

SITTERLY
Follow me to my office.

Demario, curious, watches as Sitterly guides Bona to a small
office without windows.




Created using Celtx
10.


INT. RESTAURANT OFFICE - DAY

The desk and floor is littered with paperwork, files and
folders. It's a mess.

SITTERLY
Have a seat.

Bona has to move paperwork off the wooden chair before she
can do so.

SITTERLY
So you work in a garage and now you
think you can serve in a restaurant?

BONA
I did in Italy.

SITTERLY
This is a French kitchen. We have to
exude a certain style.

BONA
That's what I did.

SITTERLY
You served in a posh European
restaurant?

BONA
I did in Milan.

SITTERLY
But a garage?! And I have so many
applicants. You realize the risk? I
can't pay you much.

BONA
It's okay for a start. After you've
seen me work, we can discuss the wages
again, okay?

SITTERLY
We can. If you take the job now and
start tomorrow.

BONA
That's no problem.




Created using Celtx
11.
Genres: ["Drama","Slice of Life"]

Summary Bona, fresh from a garage job, nervously interviews for a position at a French restaurant, La Vérité. Despite her boss, Sitterly's, initial doubts about her qualifications, Bona's determination and past experience in an Italian restaurant wins him over. She accepts the job, starting immediately, and sets off to prove herself in this new culinary world.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth of characters
  • Realistic dialogue
  • Character development
Weaknesses
  • Limited external conflict
  • Predictable outcome

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively conveys the emotional journey of the characters and sets up a new chapter in Bona's life. The dialogue is engaging and the interactions feel authentic.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a character transitioning from a blue-collar job to a service industry role is compelling and relatable. It adds layers to Bona's character development.

Plot: 7

The plot focuses on Bona's job transition and her interaction with Sitterly, providing insight into her motivations and challenges. It sets the stage for future conflicts and growth.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces unique characters, such as Bona, a car mechanic seeking a job in a French restaurant, and explores themes of economic struggle and personal growth. The dialogue feels authentic and adds depth to the characters' experiences.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters, especially Bona and William, are well-developed and evoke empathy from the audience. Their relationship adds emotional depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 7

Bona undergoes a significant change in her career path, transitioning from a mechanic to a restaurant server. This shift sets her on a new trajectory.

Internal Goal: 8

Bona's internal goal in this scene is to provide for her daughter and secure a new job after losing her current one. This reflects her deeper need for stability, independence, and the desire to create a better future for her family.

External Goal: 7

Bona's external goal is to secure a new job at the restaurant La Vérité. This reflects the immediate challenge she faces in finding employment and financial stability.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 5

While there is some tension in Bona's job interview with Sitterly, the conflict is more internal and emotional rather than external.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Bona facing challenges from her potential employer, Sitterly, and the expectations of working in a new environment.

High Stakes: 6

While the stakes are not extremely high in this scene, Bona's job transition represents a significant change in her life and future prospects.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by introducing a new job opportunity for Bona and setting up potential conflicts and growth in her journey.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it introduces unexpected challenges and conflicts for the protagonist, keeping the audience engaged and unsure of the outcome.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the value of work, economic challenges, and the importance of personal background in job opportunities. Bona's experience as a car mechanic clashes with the expectations of working in a French restaurant.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene elicits empathy and hope for Bona's future, creating an emotional connection with the audience.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is natural and reveals the characters' personalities effectively. It drives the scene forward and enhances the emotional impact.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it presents relatable characters, realistic dialogue, and a compelling narrative about overcoming challenges and pursuing new opportunities.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by balancing dialogue, action, and character development, keeping the audience engaged and moving the story forward.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings, character descriptions, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure, transitioning smoothly between different locations and characters. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the effectiveness of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene transitions from Bona's home to the restaurant smoothly, but there could be a clearer connection between the two locations.
  • The dialogue between Bona and Sitterly feels a bit rushed and lacks depth. It would benefit from more nuanced interactions and character development.
  • The messy office setting is a cliche and could be more creatively portrayed to add depth to Sitterly's character.
  • The power dynamic between Bona and Sitterly is established, but it could be further explored to create more tension and intrigue.
  • The scene lacks visual descriptions that could enhance the reader's understanding of the environment and characters' actions.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more subtle cues or hints to connect Bona's personal life with her new job at the restaurant.
  • Develop the dialogue between Bona and Sitterly to reveal more about their personalities and motivations.
  • Explore unique ways to depict Sitterly's office to make it more memorable and reflective of his character.
  • Enhance the power struggle between Bona and Sitterly by incorporating subtle gestures or body language to convey their dynamic.
  • Include more visual details to paint a vivid picture of the restaurant setting and the characters' interactions.



Scene 5 -  Bona's New Job and Concerns
INT. RESTAURANT LA VÉRITÉ - DAY

As Sitterly shows Bona out, an old, stately skinny man
dressed in block using a cane, THEODORE ARANOWITZ, enters the
restaurant.

SITTERLY
You're too early, old man.

THEODORE ARANOWITZ
Can't I sit down?

SITTERLY
(imperious)
In the corner, Grandpa.

While the old man steps inside, Sitterly peeps outside. His
eyes follow Bona --

EXT. SHOPPING DISTRICT - DUSK

Bona passes by Betrand, Kid, and Polly, then continues out of
view of Sitterly.

On her way home, she stops in front of a book store window.
Her eyes go over the tasteful covers of food and recipes
books.



EXT. BONA'S SIMPLE HOUSE - DUSK

Bona enters her home through the front door.

INT. BONA'S HOUSE - ENTRANCE HALL - DUSK

Before she opens the kitchen door, Bona calls --

BONA
Miss Jefferson, I'm home!

INT. BONA'S HOUSE - SIMPLE HOME KITCHEN - DUSK

Bona enters the kitchen. She kisses her little girl who sits
at the kitchen table, coloring in a coloring book. The
flowers Bona got from the garage this morning are in a vase
on the table.

BONA
Hello, lovely. How was you day?



Created using Celtx
12.


GINA
We had to jump as far as we could. I
jumped further than Jack. Further than
all the boys. I won this.

Gina shows Bona a plastic, gold shining, medal.

Miss Jefferson enters slowly. She has difficulties walking at
her age. It looks painful, but Miss Jefferson keeps her head
up. She doesn't complain. Certainly not in front of little
Gina.

MISS JEFFERSON
Well? Did you manage?

BONA
It is not as high-end as I thought you
said, but I got it.

MISS JEFFERSON
Does it pay? How much?

BONA
I don't know.

MISS JEFFERSON
You don't know? Did you not ask?

BONA
Eh...

MISS JEFFERSON
You did not?

BONA
I'm just glad I got the job. Otherwise
I would have nothing. I'll keep
applying in case I don't like it at
all.

MISS JEFFERSON
Hmm, that sounds sensible.

Bona lifts a towel from a pan on the oven.

BONA
Let me see what you've baked today?
Genres: ["Drama","Slice of Life"]

Summary Bona leaves La Verite restaurant, catching the eye of Sitterly. She walks through the shopping district, stopping briefly at a bookstore window, before arriving home. Inside, she is greeted by her excited daughter, Gina, who shows off her medal for winning a jumping contest. Miss Jefferson enters, struggling to walk, and expresses concern about the lack of information regarding the salary of Bona's new job. Bona assures her she will apply for other jobs if she doesn't like the current one. The scene ends with Bona lifting a towel from a pan on the oven, suggesting she is about to check on the food that Miss Jefferson baked.
Strengths
  • Realistic dialogue
  • Strong character relationships
  • Introducing new characters effectively
Weaknesses
  • Lack of immediate conflict
  • Limited action

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively establishes the everyday life of the protagonist, introduces new characters, and sets the stage for potential conflicts and character development.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a working mother returning home to her family and dealing with job-related challenges is relatable and engaging. The introduction of Theodore Aranowitz adds intrigue and potential future plot developments.

Plot: 7

The plot focuses on Bona's transition from her old job to a new one, her interactions with her family, and the introduction of Theodore Aranowitz. It sets the stage for future conflicts and character development.

Originality: 7

The scene introduces a relatable protagonist facing everyday challenges, but the nuanced character interactions and dialogue add a fresh perspective.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters, especially Bona, Miss Jefferson, and Theodore Aranowitz, are well-developed and engaging. Their interactions and dynamics add depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 5

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, it lays the groundwork for potential growth and development in the future.

Internal Goal: 8

Bona's internal goal is to provide for her family and find fulfillment in her work. This reflects her deeper need for security and purpose.

External Goal: 7

Bona's external goal is to succeed in her new job and make enough money to support her family. This reflects the immediate challenge of financial stability.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 5

While there are hints of potential conflicts with the introduction of Theodore Aranowitz, the scene primarily focuses on everyday life and character relationships.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene comes from Miss Jefferson's questioning of Bona's job and financial situation, creating tension and conflict.

High Stakes: 4

The stakes are relatively low in this scene, focusing more on everyday life and character dynamics. However, the introduction of Theodore Aranowitz hints at potential higher stakes in the future.

Story Forward: 6

The scene moves the story forward by introducing new characters, establishing relationships, and setting the stage for future conflicts and developments.

Unpredictability: 6

This scene is unpredictable because of the subtle conflicts and uncertainties in Bona's situation.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

There is a philosophical conflict between Bona's sense of duty to provide for her family and her desire for personal fulfillment. This challenges her beliefs about work and family.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The scene evokes a sense of familiarity and warmth through the interactions between Bona, Miss Jefferson, and Gina. It sets the stage for potential emotional developments in the story.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is natural and serves to reveal character relationships and motivations. It effectively conveys the everyday life of the characters.

Engagement: 8

This scene is engaging because of the relatable characters, realistic dialogue, and subtle emotional tension.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-balanced, allowing for character development and emotional resonance.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene follows standard formatting conventions for its genre, making it easy to read and visualize.

Structure: 9

The scene follows a clear structure with distinct locations and character interactions, effectively advancing the narrative.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear connection to the previous scenes in terms of plot progression or character development. It feels disconnected and doesn't contribute significantly to the overall story.
  • The introduction of Theodore Aranowitz as a new character feels abrupt and doesn't add much depth to the scene. His interaction with Sitterly is brief and doesn't provide any meaningful insight into the characters or the story.
  • The transition from Sitterly showing Bona out to Theodore entering the restaurant is jarring and doesn't flow smoothly. There is a lack of continuity in the scene's pacing and structure.
  • Bona's brief interaction with Betrand, Kid, and Polly in the shopping district feels random and doesn't serve a clear purpose in advancing the plot or developing the characters.
  • The dialogue between Sitterly and Theodore lacks depth and fails to create any tension or intrigue. It feels like a superficial exchange that doesn't engage the audience.
Suggestions
  • Consider revising the scene to have a stronger connection to the previous events in the script. Integrate elements that tie back to the main storyline or characters' arcs.
  • Develop Theodore Aranowitz's character further to make his entrance more impactful and relevant to the overall narrative. Give him a clear purpose or role in the story.
  • Smooth out the transition between Sitterly showing Bona out and Theodore entering the restaurant to improve the scene's coherence and flow.
  • Revisit Bona's interaction with Betrand, Kid, and Polly to make it more meaningful and purposeful. Ensure that the scene contributes to character development or plot progression.
  • Enhance the dialogue between Sitterly and Theodore to add depth and intrigue. Consider adding subtext or conflict to make the interaction more engaging for the audience.



Scene 6 -  A Meal of Resourcefulness
EXT. SHOPPING DISTRICT - RESTAURANT - NIGHT

Kid's still hanging out with Betrand.


Created using Celtx
13.


BETRAND
It is getting dark. And cold. You
should go home.

KID
(hesitating)
Can I come back tomorrow?

BETRAND
Don't you go to school?

KID
Not tomorrow.



Kid hugs Polly and leaves.

RESTAURANT GUESTS, men, not very stylish dressed, and ladies,
in flashy clothes and with too much make-up, all too loud,
leave La Vérité.

EXT. SHOPPING DISTRICT - NIGHT

The ambiance changes as it gets dark. People pass by, but
they're not there for shopping. Betrand picks up his
belongings and departs.

BETRAND
(to Polly)
Let's go to the park.

EXT. STREET / PARK - NIGHT

Betrand and Polly take a walk through the dark city into a
park. Betrand greets a few other HOMELESS ADULTS and
CHILDREN. Some sleep in cardboard boxes.

Unintentionally Betrand stands apart from the rest. During
the day, he's the shabby beggar compared to all the
fashionably dressed shoppers, but here he looks younger,
active and cleaner, more positive than other homeless. His
steps are lively. Even Polly seems more cheerful.

LATER

A stranger in a neat suit stands out amongst the homeless --
the private investigator from earlier. He shows a photo to
homeless people and asks questions.

Betrand leaves the park without running into him.


Created using Celtx
14.


EXT. SHOPPING DISTRICT - RESTAURANT - NIGHT

Betrand is back in the shopping district. He peeks into the
windows of La Vérité. After a moment, he stops and drops a
large BROWN ENVELOPE into the restaurant's LETTERBOX.

Passing by the restaurant, he takes a careful look around,
and, once he is sure no one sees him, he swiftly disappears
down a narrow alley adjacent to the restaurant.

Darkness. The moonlight doesn't reach down here. Polly
WHINES.

BETRAND
Sssh.

EXT. HIDEAWAY AT THE BACK OF THE RESTAURANT - NIGHT

Betrand and Polly slip into a dark nook at the back of the
alley near the rear of the restaurant -- blocked by a fence.
A small restaurant's kitchen window above Betrand's head
provides meager light.

Betrand lights a candle, lighting up the nook with a warm
glow.

A moment as Betrand settles himself -- he gets a white linen
cloth, apparently kept somewhere here, and covers a rough
table with it. From a corner in the nook, he provides a
plate, cutlery, a wine glass and a bowl.

BETRAND
(to Polly)
Ssst.

Polly obediently sits at his feet.

With the table set, Betrand and Polly wait until they hear
the restaurant DOOR OPEN out of sight behind a fence. Trash
lands in a dumpster with a THUD. Glass bottles RATTLE.

When the sound dies and the door SQUEAKS closed, Betrand
creeps along the fence. Polly WHINES and wags her tail, but
remains sitting.

Betrand comes back with food, leftovers from the trash, and
two bottles of leftover wine.

Polly sits up, politely waiting for food. Betrand serves
Polly first in the bowl he takes from the clothed table.



Created using Celtx
15.


POLLY
(smells)
Houwww...

BETRAND
(picks up the bowl; smells it)
You're right. It stinks. We both know
they're terrible cooks.

He hands the bowl back to Polly.

Betrand says a little prayer and eats his own food. Then he
judges the wine as a connoisseur, smells and holds the glass
against the sparse light of the small restaurant window --
and tastes it.

BETRAND
Not as bad as I expected.

Betrand starts eating with a knife and fork. He even uses a
napkin.

The scarce light reveals his hidden sleeping place -- a
rickety roof over a bed constructed out of wooden pallets.
For the dog, a quilted basket on the floor. A framed photo
hanging on the wall, barely visible in the shadows.

Betrand continues eating.

DISSOLVE TO:
Genres: ["Drama","Mystery"]

Summary Betrand, a homeless man with a positive outlook, navigates a bustling shopping district at night. After dropping an envelope into a restaurant's letterbox, he and his loyal companion, Polly, prepare for a meal in a secluded alley. Despite their meager surroundings, Betrand skillfully sets a makeshift table and retrieves leftover food and wine from the restaurant's trash. This resourceful act highlights the contrast between Betrand's situation and the affluent diners within, emphasizing his ability to find contentment in his circumstances.
Strengths
  • Strong emotional impact
  • Intriguing mystery elements
  • Well-developed characters
Weaknesses
  • Limited action
  • Slow pacing in some parts

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is well-written with a strong emotional impact and intriguing mystery elements.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of contrasting the lives of the homeless with the upscale restaurant and the mystery surrounding Betrand's relationship with the restaurant is engaging.

Plot: 7

The plot is intriguing with the introduction of the private investigator and the hidden connection between Betrand and the restaurant.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh perspective on homelessness and poverty, portraying the protagonist with dignity and complexity. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-developed, especially Betrand and Polly, with depth and complexity.

Character Changes: 7

Betrand's character is subtly revealed through his actions and interactions.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to find a sense of normalcy and comfort in his situation as a homeless individual. He seeks to create a moment of peace and routine with his dog, Polly, despite their challenging circumstances.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to avoid being caught by the private investigator and maintain his anonymity as a homeless individual.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

There is a subtle conflict between the homeless characters and the upscale restaurant, as well as the mystery surrounding Betrand.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the presence of the private investigator creating a sense of danger and uncertainty for the protagonist.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes are not overtly high but the mystery and emotional connection raise the stakes for the characters.

Story Forward: 7

The scene introduces new elements and deepens the mystery, moving the story forward.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected actions of the private investigator and the tension of the protagonist's hidden lifestyle.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the juxtaposition of wealth and poverty, highlighting societal inequalities and the different ways people cope with adversity. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs about his own worth and place in the world.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions of empathy and intrigue.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is realistic and helps to reveal the characters' personalities and relationships.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its emotional depth, the protagonist's relatable struggles, and the suspenseful interaction with the private investigator.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, with moments of quiet reflection contrasting with moments of action and conflict.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings, character dialogue, and action descriptions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with a buildup of tension, a resolution of the protagonist's actions, and a hint of future conflict with the private investigator.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear direction or purpose, as it jumps from Betrand dropping an envelope at the restaurant to him setting up a makeshift dining area in a hidden nook.
  • There is a lack of character development or meaningful interaction in the scene, with Betrand mostly interacting with Polly the dog and not much else.
  • The transition between Betrand dropping the envelope and setting up the dining area feels disjointed and abrupt, lacking a smooth flow.
  • The scene could benefit from more depth and substance, perhaps by exploring Betrand's thoughts, emotions, or backstory to add layers to his character.
  • The dialogue is minimal and doesn't add much to the scene, missing an opportunity to reveal more about Betrand or his relationship with Polly.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more context or backstory to Betrand to make the scene more engaging and meaningful.
  • Work on creating a smoother transition between different actions in the scene to improve the flow.
  • Introduce more meaningful interactions or conflicts to add depth and interest to the scene.
  • Explore Betrand's emotions, thoughts, or motivations to make him a more compelling and relatable character.
  • Enhance the dialogue to reveal more about Betrand's character or relationships, adding depth to the scene.



Scene 7 -  Lost in the Divide
INT./EXT. 'HOUSEHOLDS' MONTAGE - NIGHT

A MONTAGE of shots illustrate the social contrast in America:

- Betrand in his hideaway: The restaurant kitchen light goes
out.

BETRAND
Time for bed, Polly.

Polly gets into her dog basket. Betrand blows out his candle.

- Restaurant La Vérité's: Mr. Sitterly shows the old guest
out.

SITTERLY
(harsh)
Time to go, Grandpa. This is a
restaurant, not a hotel.



Created using Celtx
16.


- Bed room - Gina: Bona checks if Gina is sleeping well. As
she closes the bedroom door, she whispers some words to Miss
Jefferson, waiting in the corridor.

BONA
You, too. Sleep well, Miss Jefferson.

Bona gives Miss Jefferson a peck on the cheek.

- In a park, a beggar goes to sleep on a bench, using an
American flag as a blanket.



INT. MODERN FRENCH OFFICE - DAY

Mr. Taylor looks out of the window with a view of the Eiffel
Tower. He is on the phone:

MR. TAYLOR
Any results?



EXT. AMERICAN PARK - DAWN , SWITCH FRENCH OFFICE - DAY

INTERCUT:

In the American park,
with sleeping homeless people on the background:

PRIVATE INVESTIGATOR
I am getting closer.

In the French office:

MR. TAYLOR
Il est à New York.
(cont'd in telephone in English)
New York? How come?

In the American park:

PRIVATE INVESTIGATOR
The captain of the cargo trailer said
our friend got off here.

In the French office:




Created using Celtx
17.


MR. TAYLOR
(In telephone)
Are you checking the hotels?

MR. BEAUVAIS
Demander si quelqu'un l'a reconnu.

In the American park:

Mr. Taylor puts the telephone on microphone. Now Mr. Beauvais
can follow the English conversation.

MR. TAYLOR
Did someone recognize him?

PRIVATE INVESTIGATOR
Not yet, boss.

MR. TAYLOR
Not yet? What have you been up to all
afternoon?

PRIVATE INVESTIGATOR
Afternoon? It's eight o'clock in the
morning here.

MR. TAYLOR
Then talk to people on their way to
work.

Homeless people waking up.

PRIVATE INVESTIGATOR
(cynical)
This is America. People enjoy their
extensive breakfast first.
Genres: ["Drama","Mystery"]

Summary The scene contrasts the opulence of a wealthy Frenchman, Mr. Taylor, with the harsh realities faced by homeless individuals in America. While Mr. Taylor impatiently awaits updates from a private investigator searching for a missing person, the investigator encounters apathy from the homeless population. The scene highlights the disparity between social classes and the challenges of finding hope and meaning in a society where the rich and poor exist in stark contrast.
Strengths
  • Effective use of multiple locations and languages
  • Intriguing setup of the central mystery
  • Well-defined characters with diverse backgrounds
Weaknesses
  • Limited emotional impact
  • Some dialogue feels exposition-heavy

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively sets up the mystery surrounding the missing man while providing insight into the lives of various characters. The use of different locations and languages adds complexity to the narrative.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of investigating a disappearance and the social contrast between different characters is intriguing and engaging. The scene effectively sets up the overarching mystery of the film.

Plot: 7

The plot advances through the investigation of the missing man and the interactions between the characters. The scene sets up multiple storylines that will likely converge later in the film.

Originality: 9

The scene is original in its portrayal of social contrast and investigation themes. The use of multiple languages and settings adds authenticity to the characters' actions and dialogue.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are diverse and well-defined, each with their own motivations and backgrounds. The scene effectively introduces the main players and sets up potential conflicts and relationships.

Character Changes: 5

There are subtle hints of character development, particularly in Bona's transition to a new job and the investigator's pursuit of the missing man.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to locate a missing person, as shown through the dialogue between Mr. Taylor and the private investigator. This reflects the protagonist's desire to solve a mystery and fulfill his professional responsibilities.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to track down the missing person in New York. This reflects the immediate challenge he is facing in his investigation.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

While there is not overt conflict in this scene, the underlying tensions and mysteries create a sense of anticipation and intrigue.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the private investigator's relaxed attitude posing a challenge to the protagonist's sense of urgency.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are high for the characters involved in the investigation, as they are searching for a missing man connected to a tragic event. The scene hints at potential dangers and conflicts to come.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing key plot points, characters, and conflicts. It sets up the central mystery of the film and establishes the stakes for the characters.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in the investigation and the characters' actions.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between the protagonist's sense of urgency and the private investigator's more relaxed approach to the investigation. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs about professionalism and dedication to the case.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The emotional impact is subtle but present, particularly in the interactions between the characters and the hints of past tragedies.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is functional and serves to move the plot forward. It effectively conveys information about the investigation and the characters' relationships.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the fast-paced dialogue, contrasting settings, and the sense of mystery surrounding the missing person.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining tension and suspense throughout the investigation.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with proper scene headings and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear transitions between different locations and characters.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear connection between the different shots in the montage, making it feel disjointed and confusing for the audience.
  • The transition from Betrand in his hideaway to Mr. Sitterly showing the old guest out is abrupt and doesn't flow smoothly.
  • The interaction between Bona and Miss Jefferson is brief and lacks depth, missing an opportunity to explore their relationship further.
  • The shot of the beggar sleeping on a bench with an American flag as a blanket feels out of place and doesn't add much to the overall narrative.
  • The dialogue between Mr. Taylor and the private investigator in the French office and the American park lacks depth and doesn't provide much insight into the characters or the plot.
Suggestions
  • Consider revising the montage to have a clearer theme or connection between the shots to create a more cohesive and impactful scene.
  • Work on smoother transitions between the different locations and characters to improve the flow of the scene.
  • Expand on the interaction between Bona and Miss Jefferson to add more depth to their relationship and provide insight into their characters.
  • Reevaluate the inclusion of the shot of the beggar with the American flag as a blanket to ensure it aligns with the overall tone and message of the scene.
  • Enhance the dialogue between Mr. Taylor and the private investigator to provide more context and depth to their conversation, adding to the intrigue of the plot.



Scene 8 -  Pies of Gratitude
EXT. CHURCH - DAY

Kid walks up to the entrance of a church. CHURCHGOING WOMEN
walk past him into the building. Kid hesitates and stops at a
sign that says "FAMILY DAY - HOMEMADE PIES."
Kid enters.

INT. CHURCH - DAY

Pews have been moved off to the side to make room for "Family
Day" events. Kid strolls through the stalls, eyeing the HAPPY
CHURCHGOERS and their wholesome events.

Kid stops at one of the stalls and looks over the nice


Created using Celtx
18.


looking pies.

CHURCH LADY
Hello, young man. You look hungry.
Would you like to try one?

KID
I would like to, but no thank you.

CHURCH LADY
Take one.

KID
Not now. My mom couldn't come.

CHURCH LADY
Your mom couldn't? What's wrong?

KID
She is ill. It's really sad; she
looked forward to being here.

CHURCH LADY
Such a shame. But you... you could
still take one.

Kid sadly moves aside.

CHURCH LADY
Take one for your mother, too.

KID
And my father?

CHURCH LADY
Alright, take one for your farther,
too. And don't forget yourself. You
know what? I'll pack them nicely.

The Church Lady makes a nice looking package, like a present.

CHURCH LADY
Here you go.

KID
Thank you so much!

The Kid takes off.

CHURCH LADY
Such a thoughtful boy.


Created using Celtx
19.


EXT. SHOPPING DISTRICT - DAY

Kid runs through the shopping district, careful not to jostle
the package of pies.

When he approaches Betrand's spot, he bumps into Bona, on her
way to her new job together with her daughter Gina and Miss
Jefferson -- already talking to Betrand.

Kid excitedly sits at Betrand's side.

KID
You won't believe what I got!

BETRAND
Behave. Say hello to the ladies.

KID
Oh, hello.

BETRAND
(to Bona)
So this will be your first day at the
restaurant.

BONA
My very first.

Kid bounces impatiently.

BETRAND
Are you nervous?

BONA
A little.

BETRAND
(to Gina)
And you came with your mother?

GINA
I like your music.

MISS JEFFERSON
The gentleman asked you a question.

Kid does not like waiting his turn.

BONA
Miss Jefferson is bringing Gina with
her to the grocery store.


Created using Celtx
20.


GINA
Granny cooks.

BETRAND
That's important, cooking. Isn't it,
Kid?

Bona, Gina and Miss Jefferson get ready to leave.

MISS JEFFERSON
Say goodbye to the gentlemen.

LITTLE GINA
Goodbye.

Betrand watches them go, paying little attention to Kid.
Then as the women left:

KID
I got you a present.

Betrand, with his eyes still on the women, does not seem to
hear.

KID
I got a present.

BETRAND
Pardon?

Kid hands Betrand the package.

KID
You have to open it.

Betrand's attention still is a little bit focused on Bona and
the little girl, but slowly he comes back. Carefully he opens
the package.

BETRAND
For me?

KID
For you and Polly... and me.

Betrand, Kid and Polly take time to enjoy their pies. Kid
seems to thrive on Polly's easy affection.

BETRAND
Your mother is a good cook.



Created using Celtx
21.


KID
She is.

BETRAND
Where did she learn this?

KID
In Mali.

Betrand takes another bite.

BETRAND
Mali? Africa? Is that where you come
from?

KID
I was born there. Then my father got a
job in America; we traveled through
Senegal and we took a cargo boat from
Dakar.

BETRAND
Your mom must be talented. This tastes
very much like an American pastry.

KID
(in past tense)
She was very talented.

BETRAND
You came by boat?

KID
Yes, we did. It cost my father a
fortune. He did it for my future. And
my sister's.

BETRAND
It is nice to have a family.
(mind elsewhere)
Yes, it is nice.

They lapse into silence. Lot of shoppers pass by. A few drop
coins in Betrand's hat.

BETRAND (CONT'D)
You know what? I don't even know your
name.

KID
Kid. Everybody just calls me Kid.


Created using Celtx
22.


BETRAND
That's not your real name.

KID
(whispering)
My real name is Abele Yacouba.

BETRAND
That's a nice name. Why don't you use
it?

KID
(still whispering)
It sounds foreign.

BETRAND
It is foreign.

KID
In America, no good.

BETRAND
No good?

KID
(carefully)
It sounds dangerous...
(proudly)
...I am American now. Kid is better.
Kid works for everyone.

Another pause.

Then Betrand makes a decision. The atmosphere changes into
one of optimism as Betrand examines the rest of his pie.

BETRAND
You know, it's magic. Your mother's
talent makes me feel like it's my
birthday.

Taking the last bite --

BETRAND
Yes, pure magic. We have to celebrate.

Betrand gets up, taking his belongings.
Genres: ["Drama","Slice of Life"]

Summary A young boy named Kid, excited to share his mother's delicious homemade pies, visits street musician Betrand during a church's 'Family Day' event. Betrand, initially distracted by a new restaurant employee, is pleasantly surprised by the pies' flavor and learns about Kid's family history. The scene shifts from a somber tone of mourning his mother's illness to a joyous celebration of Kid's heritage and the power of shared food, leaving Betrand inspired and eager to connect with Kid further.
Strengths
  • Authentic character interactions
  • Emotional resonance
  • Exploration of themes of family and belonging
Weaknesses
  • Lack of significant plot progression
  • Low conflict level

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is emotionally impactful, well-written, and beautifully captures the essence of human connection and kindness. The dialogue is engaging, and the characters are well-developed.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of sharing food as a symbol of connection and belonging is executed effectively. The scene delves into themes of family, identity, and the power of small gestures to make a difference.

Plot: 8

The plot revolves around the interaction between Betrand, Kid, and Polly, focusing on their shared moment of enjoying pie together. While simple, the plot effectively conveys themes of empathy and understanding.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces unique cultural elements and explores themes of family, identity, and connection in a fresh and engaging way. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds depth to the storytelling.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Betrand, Kid, and Polly are well-defined and relatable. Their interactions feel authentic and heartfelt, adding depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 7

Kid opens up about his past and identity, showing a willingness to connect with Betrand. Betrand also exhibits a sense of optimism and appreciation for the moment.

Internal Goal: 9

The protagonist's internal goal is to honor his mother's absence by participating in the event and bringing back pies for his family. This reflects his desire to maintain a sense of connection and love for his family despite their challenges.

External Goal: 8

The protagonist's external goal is to bring back pies for his family and share a moment of joy with them. This reflects his immediate circumstances of wanting to provide for his family and create a sense of happiness.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 3

While there is a subtle conflict in Kid's reluctance to share his real name and background, the scene primarily focuses on the positive interaction between the characters.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is subtle but effective, adding complexity to the protagonist's journey and keeping the audience engaged in the unfolding story.

High Stakes: 2

The stakes are low in this scene, focusing more on personal connections and moments of kindness rather than high drama or tension.

Story Forward: 6

While the scene does not significantly advance the main plot, it deepens the relationship between the characters and adds emotional depth to the narrative.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable in its emotional twists and turns, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the protagonist's story.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the protagonist's identity and sense of belonging. His struggle with his name and heritage versus his desire to assimilate and be accepted in America challenges his beliefs and values.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes a strong emotional response from the audience, touching on themes of empathy, compassion, and the beauty of human connection.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is natural and engaging, revealing the personalities of the characters and driving the emotional impact of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its emotional depth, relatable characters, and moments of connection that draw the audience into the protagonist's journey.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and emotional depth through the protagonist's interactions with other characters.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene adheres to the expected format for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character dialogue that enhance the storytelling.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure that builds tension and emotional depth through the protagonist's interactions with other characters. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the effectiveness of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear focus on the main conflict or character development, leading to a lack of emotional depth and engagement for the audience.
  • The dialogue feels a bit forced and unnatural at times, especially in the interactions between Kid and Betrand, making it difficult for the audience to connect with the characters.
  • The transition between the church setting and the shopping district feels abrupt and disjointed, lacking a smooth flow to connect the two locations seamlessly.
  • There is a missed opportunity to delve deeper into the emotional impact of Kid's mother being ill and the significance of the pies as a gesture of kindness and care.
  • The scene could benefit from more visual descriptions to create a vivid and immersive setting for the audience, enhancing the overall atmosphere and tone of the scene.
Suggestions
  • Focus on developing the emotional core of the scene by exploring Kid's feelings about his mother's illness and the significance of the pies in a more nuanced way.
  • Work on refining the dialogue to make it more authentic and reflective of the characters' personalities and emotions, creating a stronger connection with the audience.
  • Consider revising the transition between the church and shopping district to create a smoother narrative flow and enhance the coherence of the scene.
  • Add more visual details to paint a vivid picture of the surroundings and characters, immersing the audience in the setting and enhancing the overall impact of the scene.
  • Explore opportunities to deepen the conflict and character development within the scene, adding layers of complexity and emotional resonance to engage the audience effectively.



Scene 9 -  A Day at the Zoo and a Question of Shelter
INT. SHOPPING DISTRICT - CONTINUOUS

Betrand (violin case dangling around his neck), Kid and Polly


Created using Celtx
23.


leave the steps and walk through the shopping district.

BETRAND
What shall we do to celebrate? I think
we could go for a boat tour.

KID
I don't like boats.

BETRAND
What about the zoo? Shall we honor the
animals with our presence?

KID
I'd like to. But that's far from here.

BETRAND
We can take the subway.

EXT. ENTRANCE SUBWAY - DAY

Before Betrand, Kid and Polly enter the subway, Betrand
stops.

BETRAND
Just a minute.

Betrand turns to HOMELESS JOHN, who sits in the middle of a
pile of trash on the ground in his sleeping bag.

KID
Okay.

BETRAND
Wait here.

Betrand walks over to the homeless man and talks with him.
From a distance, Kid cannot hear what they talk about.

Then Betrand returns.

BETRAND
(to Homeless John)
See you tonight, John. Don't forget.

Betrand puts his hand on Kid's shoulder and guides him down
the subway stairs.

EXT. ZOO - DAY

Betrand and Kid watch animal parents caring for their


Created using Celtx
24.


children: a CHIMPANZEE with a baby in her arms, ELEPHANTS
protecting their young...

... Kid (thinking of his parents) gets emotional. As he turns
his face away, his eyes land on a HAPPY FATHER AND MOTHER
visiting the zoo with their child, a girl who could have been
Kid's little sister. Other CHILDREN play around them. Kid
tries to hide his tears.

EXT. ZOO - CONTINUED

Shots of Betrand and Kid relaxing, then walking again
enjoying their visit.

EXT. ZOO - COONTINUED - TWILIGHT

Betrand, Polly and Kid leave the zoo through the gate while
eating ice cream.

EXT. SHOPPING DISTRICT - RESTAURANT - NIGHT

Walking back through the shopping district at the end of the
day, passing the restaurant where the lights shine through
the window, Betrand, Polly and Kid arrive at the spot where
Betrand usually plays his violin.

Homeless John is waiting for them.

HOMELESS JOHN
You're late.

BETRAND
I am glad you kept your promise and
came.

HOMELESS JOHN
And he is... Kid..?

Kid introduces himself by shaking hands.

HOMELESS JOHN
... well educated. Rich background?

BETRAND
It is time to go home, Kid. Your
mother will be worried.
(beat)
You have to leave, Kid. Thank your mom
for her lovely pastries.

Kid spontaneously hugs Betrand.


Created using Celtx
25.


KID
Thank you.

BETRAND
Nothing to thank me for.

KID
Will you be here tomorrow?

BETRAND
Of course. Hurry on. Go.

Kid takes off.

BETRAND
(to John)
Follow him. Then find me. Let me know
where he sleeps. I am worried about
him.
Genres: ["Drama","Slice of Life"]

Summary Betrand, Kid, and Polly leave the shopping district and head to the zoo. Kid is visibly emotional seeing families of animals, especially a father, mother, and young girl that remind him of his own lost family. While at the zoo, Betrand has a conversation with a homeless man, John. Later, Betrand asks John to follow Kid and find out where he sleeps, expressing concern for his well-being.
Strengths
  • Strong character development
  • Emotional depth
  • Heartwarming tone
Weaknesses
  • Limited plot progression
  • Low conflict level

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively conveys a heartwarming and reflective tone, with strong character interactions and emotional depth.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring the relationship between Betrand, Kid, and Polly while highlighting the disparities in living conditions is well-executed and engaging.

Plot: 7

The plot focuses on the simple yet meaningful interactions between the characters during their day out, providing insight into their backgrounds and emotions.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a unique dynamic between Betrand and Kid, exploring themes of kindness and care in the face of adversity. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Betrand, Kid, and Polly are well-developed and relatable, each bringing their own unique perspective and adding depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 6

Kid experiences emotional growth and connection with Betrand, showcasing a subtle but significant change in his perspective and feelings.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to connect with Kid and show him kindness and care. This reflects Betrand's deeper desire to make a positive impact on Kid's life.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to take Kid on a day out and ensure he is safe and cared for. This reflects the immediate circumstances of their outing and the challenges they face in the city.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 3

While there is a subtle conflict in Kid's emotional turmoil and Betrand's concern for him, the scene primarily focuses on the positive interactions and bonding moments.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene comes from the challenges Kid faces as a homeless child, adding tension and uncertainty to the narrative.

High Stakes: 2

The stakes are relatively low in this scene, focusing more on personal connections and emotional resonance rather than high drama or tension.

Story Forward: 6

While the scene doesn't significantly advance the main plot, it deepens the relationships between the characters and provides important character development.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable in terms of the emotional journey of the characters and the unexpected connections they form.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

There is a philosophical conflict between Betrand's compassion and care for Kid, and the harsh reality of Kid's situation as a homeless child. This challenges Betrand's beliefs about kindness and the world's injustices.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions through its heartfelt moments, especially in Kid's emotional reaction and Betrand's caring nature.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is natural and serves to enhance the relationships between the characters, showcasing their personalities and emotions effectively.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its emotional depth, character development, and the audience's investment in Betrand and Kid's relationship.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by allowing for emotional moments to resonate and character interactions to unfold naturally.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with distinct settings and character interactions, contributing to the overall narrative flow.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear sense of purpose or direction, with Betrand suggesting various activities without a strong reason behind them.
  • The interaction between Betrand and Homeless John is vague and lacks clarity, leaving the audience wondering about the significance of their conversation.
  • Kid's emotional reaction at the zoo could be more effectively portrayed with deeper emotional cues and a stronger connection to his backstory.
  • The transition between the zoo and the restaurant is abrupt and could benefit from a smoother segue to maintain the flow of the scene.
  • The dialogue between Betrand and Homeless John feels forced and lacks depth, missing an opportunity to delve into the characters' motivations and relationships.
Suggestions
  • Provide a clearer objective or goal for Betrand and Kid's outing to the zoo to give the scene more focus and purpose.
  • Enhance Kid's emotional journey at the zoo by incorporating flashbacks or memories to deepen the audience's understanding of his past and current emotions.
  • Add more depth to the conversation between Betrand and Homeless John to establish a stronger connection between the characters and create intrigue for the audience.
  • Consider refining the transition between different locations to create a more seamless flow between scenes and maintain the audience's engagement.
  • Revise the dialogue between Betrand and Homeless John to add layers to their relationship and reveal more about their respective backgrounds and motivations.



Scene 10 -  A Night in the City
EXT. STREETS - NIGHT

Homeless John follows Kid unseen.

EXT. SHOPPING DISTRICT - RESTAURANT - NIGHT

Betrand and Polly wait. In the meantime, we see three beefy
16 year old TEENAGERS pass by. One is a typical American
hamburger kid, way too thick, who is Sitterly's son, ROWDY.

ROWDY
(rough)
Hey you, beggar. How is your dog?

The Teenagers say goodbye to each other in front of La
Vérité. Rowdy enters the restaurant.

Betrand and Polly still wait for John to come back. Bona
Ferrara leaves the restaurant. The LIGHTS in the window turn
off -- closed. Bona stops when she sees Betrand.

BONA
Still here?

BETRAND
Waiting for somebody.

BONA
You're okay?




Created using Celtx
26.


BETRAND
Fine. And you? How do you like your
restaurant?

BONA
You should ask the guests.

BETRAND
And if I did?

BONA
To be honest...

BETRAND
One should always be.

BONA
... To be honest, the food is
terrible.

BETRAND
(smiling)
I know.

BONA
You know? How?

BETRAND
(shrugs)
We just know. Don't we, Polly?

BONA
You here again tomorrow?

BETRAND
Looking forward to it.

BONA
(with a critical look at Betrand's
situation)
Looking forward? To this?

BETRAND
One meets nice people here.

EXT. SHOPPING DISTRICT - RESTAURANT - LATER

Homeless John returns. He takes an old fashion cell phone
from his pocket and shows a dark picture of the young Kid in
the park going to sleep in a cardboard box.



Created using Celtx
27.


BETRAND
Like I thought.

HOMELESS JOHN
Why are you so keen on him? He is not
rich, man. H's got nothing to offer.

BETRAND
I fear you will never understand,
John. Tell me: which park is it?

HOMELESS JOHN
Bryant Park.

EXT. SHOPPING DISTRICT - RESTAURANT - LATER

After homeless John leaves, Betrand again drops a large brown
envelope into La Vérité's letterbox.
As the coast is clear, he and Polly disappear into the alley.

EXT. HIDEAWAY AT THE BACK OF THE RESTAURANT - NIGHT

This time Betrand uses the candlelight to take a look at the
framed picture on the bare wall. Although the picture is
black and white, it is clear we see a photo of his late wife,
a MOTHER (40) with a 12 YEAR OLD SON. The woman is black.

BETRAND
I know what you are thinking,
Laquisha. For the first time in years
I spoke to a nice woman again.

The sound of the restaurant backdoor opens. Waste is thrown
into the trash bin and rattling empty bottles interrupt the
scene.

BETRAND
Ssst... dinner is served.

INT. BONA'S HOUSE - SIMPLE KITCHEN - DAY

Miss Jefferson, Bona and Gina at breakfast also preparing
Gina's school journey.

BONA
Hurry up, Gina.

MISS JEFFERSON
Have you got everything?




Created using Celtx
28.


LITTLE GINA
Yes, Granny.

EXT. BONA'S HOUSE - SIMPLE NEIGHBORHOOD - DAY

Bona and Gina leave the house.

BONA
Say goodbye to Miss Jefferson.

EXT. BONA'S SIMPLE NEIGHBORHOOD - CONTINUE

Bona and Gina walk side by side. Gina, with a backpack that
has a comic print on her back, cheerfully hops along.

BONA
Be sure you stay with the group. And
don't lose your teacher.

LITTLE GINA
I know, Mom.

BONA
You know the Statue of Liberty you are
going to visit originally was meant
for Egypt?

LITTLE GINA
I do, mom.

BONA
And the Frenchman Eiffel built it? As
he did with the Eiffel tower in Paris?

LITTLE GINA
He did.

BONA
I once visited Paris. With your dad.
Before you were born. He was still
trying to be nice to me then...
(beat)
I climbed the Eiffel Tower.

LITTLE GINA
The bus, Mom.

A school bus is approaching.

BONA
Did you take your drink?


Created using Celtx
29.


LITTLE GINA
Granny put it in my backpack.

As Gina boards the school bus, Bona hands Tina over into the
care of the FEMALE TEACHER. The teacher drapes a brightly
colored ribbon with a large label and tiger print over Gina's
neck.

TEACHER
You are in the tiger group.

Teacher leads Gina into the bus.

I/E. BUS/BONA'S NEIGHBORHOOD - CONTINUOUS

Bona stands next to the bus on the pavement as Gina walks
through the bus corridor to the backseats.

Bona bumps into a father, JIM, also watching his daughter.
This 45-year-old father is dressed in a dark suit like a
gentleman. He is the mayor of the town.

BONA
Sorry.

JIM
I don't mind. You may bump into me
again if you like.

BONA
It's just, my daughter's going on a
field trip...

JIM
I know. My daughter's going, too.

BONA
Oh yes. Of course...

Bona and Jim both wave at their children.

JIM
I've never seen you here before.

BONA
I used to work at this time. But now I
have a new job.

JIM
What kind of job?



Created using Celtx
30.


BONA
Waitressing.

JIM
Which restaurant?

BONA
La Verité.

JIM
I don't know it.

The school bus is about to leave. Bona and Jim start waving
goodbye. The bus drives off.

BONA
And you..? You don't have to work
today?

JIM
I took one hour off. For her. I
promised. I'm not home all that often.

BONA
Because of your job?

JIM
Indeed, my job takes up too much of my
time.

Bona wants to leave.

JIM
Going home?

BONA
Later.

JIM
Will you be here when your daughter
returns?

BONA
No, I can't. I have work in the
afternoon. But from now on, I'll take
Gina to school every morning.

JIM
Well, maybe see you later. Restaurant
La Vérité, you said?



Created using Celtx
31.


BONA
Yes.

JIM
Can I offer you a lift?

BONA
No, thanks. I walk.

JIM
Okay.

BONA
(hesitating)
It is not that I don't want a lift. I
want to visit my former employer.

JIM
Another restaurant?

BONA
A garage.

JIM
A garage?

Both waves goodbye and take off. Jim waves for a big black
car. His driver politely opens the door. As the big car
passes by Bona, walking on the footpath, Jim, in the car,
waves.
Genres: ["Drama","Slice of Life"]

Summary Betrand and Polly wait outside La Vérité, a restaurant owned by Bona, for Homeless John. Bona emerges and exchanges pleasantries with Betrand, showing disdain for his situation. John returns with a photo of the Kid, prompting Betrand to ask John to find his sleeping location. Betrand anonymously drops an envelope in the restaurant's letterbox before disappearing with Polly. In a secluded area, Betrand contemplates a photo of his late wife and son, reflecting on his loneliness. The scene shifts to Bona's home, where she prepares Gina for school. They walk to the bus stop, encountering Mayor Jim who is also dropping his daughter off. The two parents exchange friendly small talk about their lives before parting ways as the bus departs.
Strengths
  • Rich character development
  • Emotional depth
  • Subtle storytelling
Weaknesses
  • Lack of overt conflict
  • Some dialogue could be more impactful

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively captures the emotional depth of the characters and sets up intriguing storylines for future development.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring the lives of characters from different backgrounds and their interactions in a nighttime setting is engaging and well-executed.

Plot: 7

The plot introduces various subplots and character dynamics, setting the stage for future conflicts and resolutions.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces unique character dynamics and societal contrasts, offering fresh perspectives on themes of wealth, poverty, and human connection. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed and each brings a unique perspective to the scene, adding depth and richness to the narrative.

Character Changes: 7

Several characters experience subtle shifts in their perspectives and relationships, setting the stage for potential growth and development.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to connect with and help the young Kid, reflecting his desire for redemption and connection with others.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to investigate and understand the situation with the young Kid, reflecting his curiosity and sense of justice.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

While there are hints of conflict and tension, the scene primarily focuses on character interactions and introspection.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting values and motivations driving character interactions and adding depth to the narrative.

High Stakes: 5

While the stakes are not overtly high in this scene, the emotional stakes for the characters are significant in terms of their personal growth and relationships.

Story Forward: 7

The scene introduces new elements and relationships that propel the story forward and hint at future developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected character interactions and revelations that challenge the audience's expectations.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

There is a philosophical conflict between the protagonist's belief in helping others regardless of their wealth and the societal norms that dictate value based on material possessions.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from empathy for the homeless characters to hope for the waitress starting a new job.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is natural and reveals insights into the characters' personalities and motivations.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its intriguing character dynamics, sharp dialogue, and underlying tensions that keep the audience invested in the story.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and revealing character dynamics, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the story.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a coherent structure, with clear character motivations and interactions that drive the narrative forward.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear direction or purpose, as it jumps between different interactions without a cohesive narrative thread.
  • The dialogue between Betrand and Bona feels forced and lacks depth, with generic exchanges that don't reveal much about the characters or move the story forward.
  • The introduction of Homeless John and the mention of Kid sleeping in a cardboard box adds a layer of mystery and concern, but it is not fully explored or developed in this scene.
  • The interaction between Bona and Jim at the bus stop feels contrived and lacks authenticity, with dialogue that doesn't flow naturally or reveal much about the characters.
  • The transition between different locations and interactions is abrupt and disjointed, making it difficult for the audience to follow the scene's progression.
Suggestions
  • Focus on developing a clear objective or conflict within the scene to drive the characters' interactions and create a sense of purpose.
  • Enhance the dialogue between Betrand and Bona to reveal more about their personalities, motivations, and relationship dynamics.
  • Provide more context and depth to the storyline involving Homeless John and Kid sleeping in a cardboard box to create a sense of urgency and intrigue.
  • Refine the interaction between Bona and Jim to make it more authentic and meaningful, with dialogue that reflects their personalities and backgrounds.
  • Improve the scene's flow by creating smoother transitions between locations and interactions, ensuring a cohesive and engaging narrative.



Scene 11 -  The Old Man's Recipes
EXT. SHOPPING DISTRICT - RESTAURANT - DAY

Betrand plays his violin. Polly besides him. Betrand's music
sounds bad, sloppy. Betrand's dog looks up every moment. He
sees no Kid.

Bona walks along on the way to the restaurant. Stops.

BONA
What's wrong?

BETRAND
Wrong?

BONA
Your music sounds terrible today.
Where is your little friend?

BETRAND
My friend? To school, I think.


Created using Celtx
32.


BONA
My daughter has her school field trip
today.

Bona walks back up to the restaurant.

BETRAND
What do you think, Polly? Shall we go
after Kid or just wait?

EXT. SHOPPING DISTRICT - RESTAURANT - TWILIGHT

It is getting dark. Betrand and Polly are still there.
Waiting, while a bit further, we see the window lights of the
restaurant.

INT. RESTAURANT LA VÉRITÉ - NIGHT

Bona Ferrara serves tables filled with restaurant guests.

CONT'D - KITCHEN - NIGHT

With messy plates, Bona returns to the kitchen.

BONA
The old guy complained.

SITTERLY
(now dressed as a cook)
He always complains. And you are here
to explain to him why he is wrong.

BONA
It sounds a lot like the old man knows
what he is talking about.

SITTERLY
He pretends he does. His complaints
are fake. The old fool keeps coming
back.

BONA
Maybe for another reason?

SITTERLY
Your job is serving. Not asking
questions.

Sitterly finishes putting together two new plates.




Created using Celtx
33.


SITTERLY
Table 6.

INT. RESTAURANT LA VÉRITÉ - KITCHEN - LATER

Bona gets back into the kitchen. She has a large brown
envelope (posted by Betrand) in her hand.

BONA
By the way, I emptied the letterbox.
There is another brown envelope.

SITTERLY
Put it with the others.

As Bona puts the envelope aside -- we see there are already
10 to 20 waiting.

BONA
These are all recipes? Why don't you
try them?

SITTERLY
(annoyed)
Why should I?

BONA
You could try them on the old man.
Maybe he stops complaining.

Sitterly interrupts his cooking for a moment. We see him
think.

SITTERLY
You could be right.

Sitterly opens the last envelop and reads the letter.

SITTERLY
Just as I thought. His verdict over
the escalope we had yesterday. Too
dry. And I should not use nutmeg.

BONA
That's what the old guy said, too.

SITTERLY
I thought you were clever. Don't you
understand? It must be him writing
these cooking tips.



Created using Celtx
34.


Sitterly pauses to think.

SITTERLY
Or maybe it is you. Do you think you
are a good cook?

BONA
Don't be stupid.

SITTERLY
And if you are not the one pushing me
with these recipes...
(beat)
... if you are not, it must be that
Grandpa challenging me. You know
what... I will cook his own recipe and
we will see what happens.

Sitterly reads the letter again.

SITTERLY
Like I expected. He even gives his
recipe for the sauce. As if he is a
better cook than Walmart.

Bona smiles, but tries to hide it.

SITTERLY
You are smiling. I saw you smiling.

Bona's nose lifts up. She smells something.

BONA
Is that burning salmon I smell?

Sitterly sprints to the oven.

SITTERLY
You stupid woman. You should have
warned me before it was too late.

Sitterly crunshes the black crust of the fish onto a plate.

BONA
What are you doing?

SITTERLY
Mind your own business. Go and ask the
guests for their desert.




Created using Celtx
35.
Genres: ["Drama","Slice of Life"]

Summary Bona, a waitress, delivers a brown envelope containing a recipe to Sitterly, the head chef, in the restaurant kitchen. This is not the first such envelope - the old man who complains about the food is suspected of sending them. Sitterly reads the recipe and suspects that the old man is trying to challenge his cooking. Despite his annoyance, Sitterly decides to try one of the recipes but ends up burning the salmon in a fit of frustration, blaming Bona for not warning him in time.
Strengths
  • Well-defined characters
  • Tension-filled dialogue
  • Realistic setting
Weaknesses
  • Lack of major plot development
  • Limited emotional impact

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 7

The scene effectively establishes the relationship between Betrand and Bona, setting up potential conflicts and character development.


Story Content

Concept: 7

The concept of contrasting lifestyles and interactions between characters in a restaurant setting is engaging and sets the stage for further exploration.

Plot: 6

The plot progresses as Betrand and Bona interact, hinting at potential conflicts and developments in their relationship.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces unique characters and situations, such as the conflict between Sitterly and Bona over cooking feedback. The dialogue feels authentic and adds depth to the characters.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters of Betrand and Bona are well-defined and their interactions reveal layers of their personalities.

Character Changes: 5

There are subtle hints of character development, especially in Betrand and Bona's initial interactions.

Internal Goal: 7

Betrand's internal goal is to find his missing friend, Kid. This reflects his need for companionship and connection.

External Goal: 6

Betrand's external goal is to decide whether to go after Kid or wait. This reflects the immediate challenge of making a decision in the moment.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

There is a moderate level of conflict between Betrand and Bona, hinting at potential conflicts to come.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting viewpoints and challenges that create tension and drive the narrative forward.

High Stakes: 4

The stakes are relatively low in this scene, focusing more on character dynamics and relationships.

Story Forward: 6

The scene moves the story forward by establishing key relationships and dynamics between characters.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in the characters' interactions and decisions. The audience is kept on their toes.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

There is a philosophical conflict between Sitterly's dismissive attitude towards the old man's complaints and Bona's suggestion to try the recipes. This challenges Sitterly's belief in his own cooking skills and the value of feedback.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 5

The emotional impact is moderate, with hints of tension and curiosity in the character interactions.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue effectively conveys the tension and dynamics between Betrand and Bona, setting the tone for their relationship.

Engagement: 8

This scene is engaging because of the dynamic interactions between characters, the subtle humor, and the unfolding mystery of Kid's disappearance.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a good balance of dialogue, action, and description. It keeps the audience engaged and moves the story forward effectively.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows standard formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene headings and character dialogue. It is easy to follow and visualize.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with distinct beats and character interactions. It flows smoothly and builds tension effectively.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear focus and direction, with multiple elements introduced but not fully developed or resolved.
  • The dialogue between Betrand and Bona feels forced and lacks depth, making their interaction seem superficial.
  • The transition between the outdoor setting and the kitchen setting is abrupt and could be smoother to maintain continuity.
  • The conflict between Sitterly and the mysterious old man sending recipes is intriguing but needs more buildup and tension to create a compelling storyline.
  • The character dynamics between Bona and Sitterly could be further explored to add depth and complexity to their relationship.
Suggestions
  • Focus on developing a central conflict or theme to drive the scene forward and engage the audience.
  • Enhance the dialogue between Betrand and Bona to reveal more about their characters and motivations.
  • Consider a smoother transition between the outdoor and indoor settings to maintain the flow of the scene.
  • Build up the conflict between Sitterly and the old man sending recipes to create more suspense and intrigue.
  • Explore the relationship between Bona and Sitterly to add layers to their interactions and create more depth in their characters.



Scene 12 -  Waiting for Kid
EXT. HIDEAWAY AT THE BACK OF THE RESTAURANT - NIGHT

Betrand at the provisional table. Again the restaurant door,
the sounds of the garbage box and empty bottles are heard.

However, this time Betrand does not get up.

BETRAND
I am not hungry.

POLLY
Whoo.

BETRAND
I know, maybe Kid will come back
tomorrow.

INT. BONA'S HOUSE - SIMPLE HOME KITCHEN - MORNING

It is early in the morning. Bona and Little Gina are in the
kitchen. Bona opens the curtains. Granny enters the kitchen
in her pajamas. She walks unsteadily, troubled by pain.

MISS JEFFERSON
The older you get, the more you hate
these early mornings.

BONA
Take your seat. I'll make you a cup of
tea. What's wrong?

MISS JEFFERSON
I did not sleep well. My back hurts.
Yesterday I did the window cleaning
and weeds in the garden. What we miss
here is a strapping, young man.

Bona takes the seat opposite Miss Jefferson.

BONA
Who is that man at Gina's school? The
one in the big car.

LITTLE GINA
(laughs)
He won't do the weeds.

BONA
Why not?




Created using Celtx
36.


LITTLE GINA
He is the mayor. The mayor of this
town.

MISS JEFFERSON
Hip hip hooray, you could have gotten
a ride from the mayor, Bona.

EXT. HIDEAWAY AT THE BACK OF THE RESTAURANT - DAY

Still very early in the morning. Betrand apparently just woke
up and is dressing. The framed picture on the wall gleams.
Polly is impatient and with a questioning look, waits at the
exit.

BETRAND
Don't worry if Kid isn't there. He is
clever. He takes care.

Betrand taking his violin.

BETRAND
Let's go...

Betrand takes the first steps to leave. He steps back to take
another brown envelope from the table.

BETRAND
Let's not forget.

EXT. SHOPPING DISTRICT - DAY

Still early in the morning. Passersby walk to their jobs. No
shoppers yet.

Betrand peeps around the corner to make sure the coast is
clear before he leaves the alley unseen. He does not want
anyone to know his hiding place.

Passing by the restaurant, he drops the brown envelope into
the letterbox. Then he takes his place on the steps next to
La Vérité... and waits.

BETRAND
Just wait and see.

An OLD POLICE OFFICER and YOUNG POLICE OFFICER in uniform on
their early shift pass by. They don't pay any attention.

Boring shots of Betrand yawning and waiting follow. Polly
turns his head from left to right, from right to left.


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37.


Looking into the street, waiting for Kid.

BETRAND
It is too early. We never sit here at
this time.

Betrand gazes into the street, looking for his young friend.

BETRAND (CONT'D)
He could be at school even though he
sleeps in the park. Maybe ran away
from home. You do know there are a lot
of broken families in New York.

POLLY
Houww...

BETRAND
We have to wait and see. I bet he is
at school.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary Betrand, anxiously awaiting Kid's return at their hideaway, refuses food and believes Kid will be back the next day. Meanwhile, Bona tends to her ailing mother, Miss Jefferson, as little Gina mentions the mayor visiting her school. The scene shifts to daytime as Betrand wakes up and prepares to leave, dropping a brown envelope in a mailbox before sitting on the steps of La Vérité, nervously watching the street. Despite knowing Kid sleeps in the park, Betrand wonders if he might be at school and reflects on the broken families of New York. The scene ends with Betrand still hoping for Kid's return.
Strengths
  • Subtle character development
  • Emotional depth
  • Realistic interactions
Weaknesses
  • Minimal conflict
  • Dialogue could be more engaging

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively conveys Betrand's introspective moments and sets the tone for the day ahead. It introduces subtle emotional layers and hints at deeper character motivations.


Story Content

Concept: 7

The concept of showcasing Betrand's morning routine and interactions with Polly and Miss Jefferson adds depth to his character and sets the stage for potential character development.

Plot: 7

The plot focuses on Betrand's daily activities and hints at potential conflicts and resolutions in his relationships with other characters. It sets the stage for future developments.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces unique characters and situations, such as Betrand's concern for Kid and Miss Jefferson's comments on family dynamics. The dialogue feels authentic and adds depth to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters, especially Betrand, Polly, and Miss Jefferson, are well-developed and show hints of complexity and emotional depth. Their interactions provide insight into their personalities and relationships.

Character Changes: 6

While there are subtle hints of character growth and introspection, significant changes are not explicitly shown in this scene. It sets the stage for potential character arcs and developments.

Internal Goal: 8

Betrand's internal goal in this scene is to find Kid and ensure his safety. This reflects his deeper desire to protect and care for those close to him, as well as his fear of losing someone important to him.

External Goal: 7

Betrand's external goal is to drop off a brown envelope at the restaurant and wait for Kid. This reflects the immediate challenge of maintaining secrecy and ensuring Kid's well-being.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 4

The conflict is minimal in this scene, focusing more on introspection and character dynamics. However, hints of potential conflicts and tensions are present, setting the stage for future developments.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene, such as Betrand's uncertainty about Kid's whereabouts and Miss Jefferson's comments, adds complexity and conflict to the narrative.

High Stakes: 3

The stakes are relatively low in this scene, focusing more on character dynamics and introspection. However, hints of potential conflicts and emotional developments suggest higher stakes in future scenes.

Story Forward: 6

The scene provides insights into Betrand's daily life and relationships, setting the stage for potential story developments and character arcs. It moves the narrative forward by introducing key elements and themes.

Unpredictability: 6

This scene is unpredictable because of the uncertainty surrounding Kid's situation and Betrand's actions. The audience is left wondering about the outcome.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the idea of family and community support. Miss Jefferson's comment about needing a young man to help with chores contrasts with the absence of Kid, highlighting the importance of relationships and connections in times of need.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a sense of empathy and connection with Betrand's struggles and relationships. It hints at deeper emotional layers and sets the stage for potential emotional developments.

Dialogue: 6

The dialogue is natural and serves the purpose of revealing character traits and relationships. It could be more engaging and impactful with added depth and subtext.

Engagement: 7

This scene is engaging because of its focus on character relationships and the mystery surrounding Kid's whereabouts. The dialogue and actions keep the audience invested in the story.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged in the characters' actions and emotions.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene's formatting adheres to the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings and character actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with distinct locations and character interactions. The pacing and formatting enhance the storytelling.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear sense of purpose or direction, with Betrand simply stating he is not hungry and waiting for Kid to return without much action or conflict.
  • The dialogue between Bona, Miss Jefferson, and Little Gina feels disconnected from the previous scene and does not add much to the overall story.
  • The transition between Betrand at the hideaway and Bona's house feels abrupt and disjointed, lacking a smooth flow.
  • There is a lack of emotional depth or character development in this scene, making it feel flat and unengaging.
  • The visual descriptions are minimal and do not create a vivid or immersive setting for the audience.
Suggestions
  • Add more depth to Betrand's emotions and motivations in the hideaway scene to create a stronger connection with the audience.
  • Consider integrating Bona's storyline more seamlessly with Betrand's to create a smoother transition between scenes.
  • Enhance the dialogue between Bona, Miss Jefferson, and Little Gina to make it more relevant to the overall plot and character development.
  • Include more visual details to paint a clearer picture of the settings and characters, enhancing the overall atmosphere of the scene.
  • Introduce a stronger conflict or tension to drive the scene forward and keep the audience engaged.



Scene 13 -  Alonzo's Departure
INT. BONA'S HOUSE - DAY

Bona and Gina at the door, going out to take Gina to school.
Kissing Miss Jefferson goodbye.

LITTLE GINA
It's nice, you taking me to school.

BONA
Thanks to my new job. But I don't like
that I miss you at night. When I have
to serve guests, I cannot pick you up
or put you to bed.

LITTLE GINA
Granny does.

MISS JEFFERSON
Time to go. Say hello to the mayor.

BONA
You're kidding.

EXT. BONA'S HOUSE - STREET - DAY

Bona and Gina step outside. They talk, walking along.

LITTLE GINA
I like school. You know, Miss Miller's
gonna tell us about your country next


Created using Celtx
38.


week.

BONA
About Italy?

LITTLE GINA
She promised. She wrote down where
everybody's parents come from. And
then she promised to tell something
about every country.

BONA
She then might ask you questions, too.
We have to prepare tomorrow.

LITTLE GINA
Lyam's grandfather comes from Ireland.
Or, not really his grandfather. I
think the father of his grandfather.

BONA
Lyam has red hair?

LITTLE GINA
He does. How do you know?

BONA
What other nationalities will your
teacher talk about?

LITTLE GINA
Valerie comes from Porte... Porte...

BONA
Puerto Rico?

LITTLE GINA
Yes, Puerto Rico. And Kim is from
China...
(interrupting and thinking)
... Mom, why did we have to say
goodbye to Alonzo?

BONA
Who is Alonzo?

LITTLE GINA
Miss Miller was gonna tell us about
his country, too. But he went back to
Mexico.



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39.


BONA
Mexico..?

LITTLE GINA
Alonzo cried. We all cried.

BONA
(hesitating)
Mexico, you said. Maybe Alonzo is a
good soccer player?

LITTLE GINA
He is fast...

BONA
Yes, that's what it must have been.
They probably wanted him back to play
for the national team once he's grown
up.

LITTLE GINA
But he cried. And the police came.

The mayor's big black car drives into sight.

LITTLE GINA
Mom...

BONA
Some have a good start...

LITTLE GINA
Mom -- the mayor.

BONA
I see, darling.
Genres: ["Drama","Family"]

Summary Bona walks her daughter Gina to school, where Gina excitedly anticipates learning about different countries and cultures. Gina mentions Alonzo, a Mexican classmate, who recently moved back to his home country. Gina is saddened by Alonzo's departure, and Bona attempts to comfort her by suggesting Alonzo might be a talented soccer player needed on the Mexican national team. As they continue walking, Gina spots the mayor's car, hinting at a potential future development.
Strengths
  • Authentic dialogue
  • Emotional depth
  • Cultural exploration
Weaknesses
  • Lack of significant conflict
  • Limited character development

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively conveys the bond between Bona and Gina, as well as the curiosity and innocence of a child. It sets up a sense of community and cultural diversity within the school setting.


Story Content

Concept: 7

The concept of exploring cultural backgrounds through a school project and the emotional impact of a classmate leaving is engaging and relatable.

Plot: 7

The plot revolves around Bona and Gina's conversation about school and their heritage, as well as the mention of Alonzo's departure, adding a layer of emotional depth.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh perspective on the immigrant experience, highlighting the challenges and joys of cultural exchange and family relationships. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and relatable, adding depth to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 8

Bona is portrayed as a caring and attentive mother, while Gina is depicted as curious and eager to learn. Their interactions feel genuine and heartfelt.

Character Changes: 3

There is minimal character change in this scene, as it primarily focuses on the relationship between Bona and Gina.

Internal Goal: 8

Bona's internal goal is to balance her new job responsibilities with her desire to spend time with her daughter, Gina. This reflects her deeper need for connection and presence in her daughter's life.

External Goal: 7

Bona's external goal is to support Gina's education and cultural learning by engaging with her teacher's lessons and preparing her for school activities. This reflects the immediate challenge of balancing work and family life.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 2

There is minimal conflict in the scene, focusing more on the emotional dynamics between Bona and Gina.

Opposition: 6

The opposition in the scene is subtle, with the underlying tension between Bona's work commitments and her desire to be present for Gina. The uncertainty of Alonzo's departure adds a layer of conflict and emotional depth.

High Stakes: 3

The stakes are relatively low in this scene, centered more on personal relationships and school dynamics.

Story Forward: 5

The scene provides insight into Bona and Gina's daily life and sets up potential future storylines related to the school project and Alonzo's departure.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected emotional depth and complexity of the characters' interactions. The revelation of Alonzo's departure adds a layer of poignancy to the scene.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the themes of family, cultural identity, and the sacrifices made for a better future. Bona's concern for missing out on time with Gina due to work highlights the tension between providing for her family and being present for them emotionally.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The scene evokes a sense of nostalgia and warmth, especially in the interactions between Bona and Gina.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue between Bona and Gina is natural and showcases their close relationship. It also provides insight into the school project and Alonzo's departure.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its focus on relatable family dynamics, cultural exchange, and the emotional bond between Bona and Gina. The dialogue is natural and heartfelt, drawing the reader into the characters' lives.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective, with a natural flow of dialogue and action that maintains the reader's interest. The rhythm of the conversation between Bona and Gina adds depth to their relationship.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene is formatted correctly, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting. The visual descriptions enhance the reader's understanding of the setting and character interactions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a natural progression of events, moving seamlessly from Bona and Gina's conversation at home to their walk outside. The dialogue flows organically, contributing to the scene's emotional impact.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear direction or purpose, as it meanders through various topics without a central focus.
  • The dialogue between Bona and Gina feels forced and unnatural, lacking depth and emotional connection.
  • The transition from discussing school topics to Alonzo's departure to the mayor's arrival feels abrupt and disjointed.
  • There is a missed opportunity to explore the emotional impact of Alonzo's departure on Gina and Bona, as well as the larger themes of immigration and cultural diversity.
  • The scene could benefit from more organic and meaningful interactions between the characters to create a stronger emotional resonance.
Suggestions
  • Focus on a central theme or conflict to drive the scene forward and create a more engaging narrative.
  • Develop the dialogue between Bona and Gina to be more authentic and reflective of their relationship.
  • Explore the emotional impact of Alonzo's departure on Gina and Bona, delving deeper into themes of loss, separation, and cultural identity.
  • Consider integrating the mayor's arrival into the scene more seamlessly to enhance the flow and coherence of the conversation.
  • Add layers of complexity and depth to the interactions between the characters to create a more compelling and emotionally resonant scene.



Scene 14 -  A City Divided: Perspectives on Life
EXT. SHOPPING DISTRICT - RESTAURANT - DAY

Demario passes by in his white restaurant outfit on his way
to La Vérité.

BETRAND
Everybody has to take his future into
his own hands. So must Kid. We wait
and see...

Demario enters the restaurant.

BETRAND
... However, we all can use a little


Created using Celtx
40.


help.

EXT. SCHOOL - DAY

Bona and Gina in front of the school. Gina is about to get
in. Mayor Jim walks up to Bona.

BONA
Take care, Gina. Granny will pick you
up you later.

Gina kisses Bona goodbye and walks to the school entrance.

JIM
Here again?

BONA
Like you.

BONA & JIM
(same time)
I don't have work right now.

Both laugh about the coincidence.

BONA
I have to start at four o'clock.

JIM
So, this morning we have time to
ourselves. Can I offer you a drink?

BONA
I would like that.

Mayor Jim points at the big car.

JIM
Be my guest. My next meeting is at
eleven.

Mayor Jim opens the backdoor of the car. Invites Bona in.

BONA
You got your own chauffeur.

Bona bends over the seat to introduce to the CHAUFFEUR
CHARLES with a handshake.

BONA
Hello. I'm Bona Ferrara.


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41.


JIM
To Lake Manor, Charles.

As the car departs, Bona has more of an eye for the people in
the street and less for the mayor.

BONA
The city looks different from the back
of a car like this.

JIM
It's different from my position.

BONA
You are the mayor, I heard.

JIM
I am.

BONA
And you've got time to have a drink
with an Italian waitress?

JIM
A very pretty waitress.

From the car, we catch a glimpse of Bona's former garage and
its owner in his blue working clothes.

BONA
It's difficult to find a good job.

JIM
No, it's not. I studied at Harvard and
from day one I worked in politics.

The car mirror shows the chauffeurs frowned eyes.

BONA
I did not mean for you.

JIM
Oh, people in the street, blue collar
workers. You are right. That worries
everyone.

For a while nothing is said. The car enters La Vérité's
shopping district. On the street walks a dark colored
MAILMAN. A very old South American NEWSPAPER VENDOR works out
of a stall. A young, white WALL STREET BUSINESSMAN walks by.



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42.


An Indian SMALL BUSINESS SHOP OWNER carries a display in
front of his shop, STREET CLEANERS, all kind of WORKING
PEOPLE -- different nationalities -- doing their job.

Some, such as a WAITRESS cleaning tables, look up to the car.
One OLD MAN raises his middle finger to the car. An AWFULLY
DRESSED OLD LADY, looking for food in a garbage bin, pays no
attention at all.

They come up to to La Vérité.

BONA
My restaurant.

JIM
I know. I asked Charles to take this
road.

Bona points at Betrand, playing his violin without Kid at his
side.

BONA
The violinist.

JIM
We prefer not to see these people on
the streets.

BONA
You never heard him playing.

JIM
(laughing)
If one really is a good violinist, you
should find him in an orchestra. Not
on the street.
Genres: ["Drama","Slice of Life"]

Summary Bona, a student, encounters Mayor Jim and they embark on a drive through the city. As they observe the different walks of life, Bona expresses the challenges faced by working class individuals, while Jim emphasizes the importance of education and ambition. Their contrasting viewpoints highlight the social divides and differing perspectives on opportunity and success.
Strengths
  • Realistic character interactions
  • Exploration of social themes
  • Authentic dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Limited external conflict
  • Slow pacing in some parts

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively conveys the disparities in society and the inner thoughts of the characters, creating a poignant and thought-provoking atmosphere.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of contrasting lives and perspectives in a diverse urban setting is compelling and well-executed.

Plot: 7

The plot focuses on character interactions and observations rather than traditional narrative progression, adding depth to the story.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces fresh perspectives on social and economic challenges, offering a realistic portrayal of diverse characters and their struggles.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are multi-dimensional and their interactions reveal layers of their personalities and struggles.

Character Changes: 6

While there are subtle shifts in the characters' perspectives, the scene primarily focuses on their existing struggles and viewpoints.

Internal Goal: 8

Bona's internal goal is to navigate her personal and professional life in a challenging environment. She seeks validation and respect despite her job as a waitress and her struggles to find stable employment.

External Goal: 7

Bona's external goal is to establish a connection with Mayor Jim and potentially improve her social and professional standing through this interaction.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 5

The conflict in the scene is more internal and societal, focusing on the characters' struggles and perspectives rather than external confrontations.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is moderate, with subtle conflicts and contrasts between characters' backgrounds and beliefs.

High Stakes: 4

The stakes in the scene are more personal and reflective, emphasizing the characters' internal struggles and societal challenges.

Story Forward: 6

The scene provides insight into the characters' lives and relationships, contributing to the overall narrative development.

Unpredictability: 7

The scene is somewhat predictable in terms of character interactions and outcomes, but the diverse setting and social issues add an element of unpredictability.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict revolves around the value of hard work and education in achieving success. Mayor Jim's privileged background contrasts with Bona's struggles as a working-class individual.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a sense of empathy and introspection, prompting viewers to reflect on the disparities in society.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is realistic and reflective of the characters' backgrounds and emotions, enhancing the authenticity of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its dynamic character interactions, social commentary, and the potential for conflict and resolution.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and intrigue through character interactions and dialogue, maintaining the audience's interest.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene is well-formatted and easy to follow, adhering to standard screenplay conventions for dialogue and scene descriptions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a traditional format for character interactions and dialogue, effectively conveying the dynamics between Bona and Mayor Jim.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear focus or purpose, as it jumps between different interactions without a central conflict or resolution.
  • The dialogue between Bona and Jim feels forced and lacks depth, making their interaction seem superficial.
  • The scene lacks emotional depth and fails to engage the audience in a meaningful way.
  • There is a missed opportunity to explore the dynamics between Bona and Jim further, as well as the social issues hinted at in the setting.
  • The transition between Bona's interactions with Gina and Jim feels abrupt and disjointed.
Suggestions
  • Focus on developing a central conflict or theme to drive the scene forward and engage the audience.
  • Enhance the dialogue between Bona and Jim to make their interaction more meaningful and reflective of their characters.
  • Explore the social issues and dynamics hinted at in the setting to add depth and relevance to the scene.
  • Consider a smoother transition between Bona's interactions with Gina and Jim to create a more cohesive narrative flow.
  • Add emotional depth and character development to make the scene more engaging and impactful.



Scene 15 -  A Taste of Ambition
EXT. LAKE MANOR RESTAURANT - DAY

The big black car stops in front of the posh Lake Manor
restaurant next to a golf course. The RECEPTIONIST hurries
around the car to open the mayor's door. He leaves Bona's
door untouched. It is the chauffeur who exits the car and
opens Bona's door.

Receptionist and the mayor seem to know each other. The mayor
is a regular guest.

JIM
My table please with miss..
(turning to Bona)


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43.


...sorry, your name?

BONA
Bona Ferrara.

JIM
Miss Ferrara.

Receptionist leads the mayor and Bona to a nice table
overlooking the golf course and the lake.

At the table:

BONA
It's beautiful.

JIM
Wait till you taste the food. It's
even better. Also the snacks. Or tea.
They make their own pastries.

BONA
I can't afford this.

JIM
Don't worry. You are my guest.

Jim calls the waiter.

JIM
Two teas with one of your famous
pastries.

BONA
Thank you.

Jim moves his chair closer.

JIM
Where do you come from. You don't just
talk.., you sing. Your English is...

BONA
... from Italy.

JIM
What a nice country. You have just one
daughter?

BONA
Gina. You know her. And you?


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44.


JIM
The one daughter at school. And my
sons Robert and Edward. They are with
my ex.

BONA
You divorced, then married again?

JIM
(nodding)
And divorcing again. You?

BONA
My boyfriend left. We never married.

JIM
You sound like it's better that way.

BONA
A lot better.

The waiter brings the tea and pastries that look nice.

BONA
Very impressive. Delightful. Really
delightful.

JIM
Enjoy.

Bona tastes it bit by bit, studying the structure and colors.

BONA
I could not do better.

JIM
You cook in La Vérité?

BONA
(laughing)
Oh no...

JIM
What are you laughing about?

BONA
Honestly? I probably should not say
it. The cook is terrible. Actually, we
get cooking tips in envelopes from one
of our regular guests. An old man. He
drops them in the mailbox.


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45.


JIM
In the mailbox?

BONA
Envelopes with recipes. We assume the
the old man writes the tips at home,
after his dinner. Critiques of the
menu and cooking tips.

JIM
But why in envelopes in the letterbox?

BONA
I suppose because the boss does not
take his spoken complaints at his
table seriously.

JIM
You do?

BONA
His cooking tips sound good. That's
what Granny says, too.

JIM
Granny? Who is Granny?

BONA
I think I mentioned her. My landlady
is like my old Italian mother. Gina
and I call her Granny. She takes Gina
to and from school. She cooks
wonderful meals.

JIM
You never thought about another job
instead of a restaurant?

BONA
I had another job. In a garage.

JIM
That's not what I would have guessed.

BONA
I liked it.

JIM
I mean a proper job.




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46.


BONA
Working in a garage is a proper job.

JIM
It is not much of a career.

BONA
If you say so.

JIM
You could work for the city.
Genres: ["Drama","Romance"]

Summary At the luxurious Lake Manor restaurant, Mayor Jim treats Bona, a woman he recently met, to tea and pastries. Their conversation reveals that Bona is a cook at La Vérité, a restaurant she finds lacking due to the head chef's poor skills. Jim, sensing Bona's potential, subtly suggests a more prestigious career path within the city, hinting at the social class divide between them. Despite the subtle tension, the scene maintains a friendly and conversational tone, with Bona's humorous observations on her job and the mysterious old man who leaves her anonymous cooking tips.
Strengths
  • Natural dialogue
  • Character development
  • Intimate atmosphere
Weaknesses
  • Lack of significant conflict
  • Limited action

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is well-written, engaging, and provides valuable character development and insight into the story.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of using cooking tips in envelopes to critique the restaurant's food is intriguing and adds depth to the narrative.

Plot: 7

The plot progresses as the characters interact and share personal stories, adding layers to their relationships and motivations.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on social interactions and career choices, with a focus on personal relationships and authenticity. The characters' actions and dialogue feel genuine and relatable.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed and their interactions feel authentic and meaningful.

Character Changes: 6

While there is not a significant character change in this scene, the interaction between the characters deepens their relationships.

Internal Goal: 8

Bona's internal goal in this scene is to navigate a social interaction with the mayor while revealing glimpses of her personal life and background. This reflects her desire for connection and understanding.

External Goal: 7

Bona's external goal is to have a pleasant dining experience with the mayor at the restaurant. This reflects her immediate circumstances of being invited as a guest by a regular patron.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 3

There is minimal conflict in this scene, focusing more on character interaction and development.

Opposition: 6

The opposition in the scene is subtle, with contrasting views on career choices and societal norms. While there is conflict in perspectives, it is not a major obstacle for the characters.

High Stakes: 4

The stakes are relatively low in this scene, focusing more on personal interactions and character development.

Story Forward: 7

The scene provides insight into the characters' backgrounds and relationships, moving the story forward in a subtle but important way.

Unpredictability: 6

This scene is somewhat predictable in terms of character interactions and dialogue. While there are moments of surprise, the overall direction of the conversation is expected.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the idea of career choices and societal expectations. Bona's contentment with her previous job at a garage contrasts with the mayor's view of it not being a proper career.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a sense of intimacy and connection between the characters, creating an emotional impact.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is natural and reveals important information about the characters and their backgrounds.

Engagement: 8

This scene is engaging because of the dynamic between the characters, the humor in the dialogue, and the gradual reveal of personal details. The interactions feel authentic and draw the audience in.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and revealing character dynamics. The dialogue flows smoothly, keeping the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions. The dialogue is formatted correctly and flows naturally.

Structure: 9

The scene follows a clear structure with well-paced dialogue and character interactions. It sets up the dynamics between the characters effectively.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear direction or purpose, as it meanders through small talk between Bona and Mayor Jim without building towards a significant moment or conflict.
  • The dialogue feels forced and unnatural at times, with Bona and Jim discussing personal details in a way that doesn't feel authentic.
  • There is a lack of tension or intrigue in the scene, making it feel flat and unengaging for the audience.
  • The transition between topics is abrupt and disjointed, with the conversation jumping from past relationships to cooking tips without a smooth flow.
  • The scene could benefit from more subtext and underlying tension to create a more dynamic interaction between Bona and Jim.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a clear objective or conflict to the scene to drive the conversation and engage the audience.
  • Focus on developing more natural and authentic dialogue that reveals character traits and motivations subtly.
  • Introduce a twist or revelation that adds depth to the interaction between Bona and Jim, creating a more compelling narrative.
  • Work on creating a smoother transition between topics to ensure the conversation flows more naturally.
  • Explore adding layers of subtext and underlying tension to enhance the dynamics between Bona and Jim, making the scene more engaging.



Scene 16 -  Missing Man and a French Connection
EXT. CITY HALL - DAY

The city hall stands tall. Well dressed people walk in and
out.

INT. CITY HALL - DAY

Mayor Jim enters his office. He greats MONICA, his rather OLD
SECRETARY.

SECRETARY MONICA
You look relaxed.

JIM
Thanks.

SECRETARY MONICA
There is someone waiting for you.

JIM
Without an appointment?

SECRETARY MONICA
He just walked in. He handed me this
letter.

Secretary hands Jim an unfolded letter. Jim takes a quick
look.

JIM
It's okay.

SECRETARY MONICA
It's just an ordinary letter.

JIM
Maybe for you. You can let him in.


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47.


The private investigator enters the office. He and Jim have a
Freemason handshake. Investigator points at the letter.

JIM (CONT'D)
(to privat investigator)
Your client Mr. Taylor and I studied
at Harvard. Who is he looking for?

The investigator shows the picture. The secretary leaves the
office.

JIM (CONT'D)
Looks like an old picture. Not very
helpful. Why?

PRIVATE INVESTIGATOR
Why is my client looking for him?

JIM
Yes, why?

PRIVATE INVESTIGATOR
We don't know. What we do know is that
he disappeared after a fire in which
several people died.

Mayor Jim returns the letter.

JIM
You'll have to tell Althom Taylor I
cannot be of any help.

PRIVATE INVESTIGATOR
Maybe you could circulate the picture
in your circles. I mean unofficially.
Off the record.

With a gesture, Jim asks for the letter again. And as the
investigator hands it over, he reads.

JIM
Why do you think he is still in New
York?

PRIVATE INVESTIGATOR
He left without money. Or with very
little. He will probably be unable to
travel.

JIM
And he cannot afford to stay in a


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48.


hotel? He lives on the street?

PRIVATE INVESTIGATOR
He probably does.

JIM
Why is a homeless person so important
to Althom Taylor?

PRIVATE INVESTIGATOR
It's for his French-speaking friend.
Mr. Beauvais.

JIM
Jean Louis Beauvais?

PRIVATE INVESTIGATOR
Jean Louis. The French lawyer.

Mayor Jim returns the letter again.

JIM
In that case I'll see what I can do,
but I cannot guarantee anything.

Jim calls in his secretary Monica.

JIM
Monica, can you help our visitor
out...
(beat)
... and make a photocopy of the
picture... and the letter.

Investigator and Mayor Jim shake hands and say goodbye before
the investigator and secretary leave.
Genres: ["Mystery","Drama"]

Summary A private investigator visits Mayor Jim in his office, seeking assistance in locating a man who disappeared after a fire. The investigator, representing a client named Althom Taylor, shows the mayor an old picture of the missing man. The mayor, initially hesitant, is persuaded to help by the investigator's mention of a connection to a French lawyer, Jean Louis Beauvais. The mayor agrees to circulate the picture amongst his contacts and instructs his secretary to make copies of both the picture and the investigator's letter.
Strengths
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Mystery and intrigue
  • Introduction of new characters
Weaknesses
  • Limited emotional impact
  • Character changes are subtle

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively sets up a mysterious and suspenseful tone, introduces new characters, and advances the plot with the private investigator seeking information about the missing person. The dialogue is engaging and keeps the audience intrigued.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a missing person investigation and the involvement of different characters like the private investigator and Mayor Jim adds depth to the storyline. The scene effectively sets up the mystery and intrigue surrounding the disappearance.

Plot: 8

The plot advances with the private investigator seeking information about the missing person, Mayor Jim getting involved, and the mystery deepening. The scene effectively sets up the conflict and intrigue surrounding the investigation.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh take on the classic mystery genre by incorporating elements of political intrigue and personal connections.


Character Development

Characters: 7

The characters introduced, such as the private investigator and Mayor Jim, add depth to the scene and the overall storyline. Their interactions and involvement in the investigation create intrigue and suspense.

Character Changes: 5

There are subtle hints at character changes, especially with Mayor Jim getting involved in the investigation. However, the focus is more on advancing the plot and setting up the mystery.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to navigate a potentially dangerous situation involving a missing person and maintain his reputation and authority as the mayor.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to handle the situation with the private investigator professionally and discreetly, while also potentially helping locate the missing person.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict in the scene arises from the mystery surrounding the missing person and the investigation to find him. The tension and suspense build as the private investigator seeks information and Mayor Jim gets involved.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, as the protagonist faces challenges in handling the private investigator and the delicate situation of the missing person investigation.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are moderately high in this scene, as the investigation into the missing person involves mystery, intrigue, and potential danger. The characters are motivated to uncover the truth, adding tension to the storyline.

Story Forward: 9

The scene effectively moves the story forward by introducing new elements, advancing the investigation, and deepening the mystery. The audience is left wanting to know more about the missing person and the investigation.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in the investigation and the mysterious motivations of the characters involved.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the value of human life and the importance of connections and relationships, as seen through the motivations of the private investigator and the mayor.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The emotional impact is moderate in this scene, with a focus on intrigue, mystery, and suspense rather than deep emotional connections. The audience is more intellectually engaged in solving the mystery.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is engaging, serious, and suspenseful, effectively conveying the mystery and intrigue of the investigation. The conversations between the characters keep the audience interested and invested in the storyline.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the suspenseful dialogue and the gradual reveal of information, keeping the audience intrigued and invested in the characters' motivations.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a balance of dialogue and action that maintains tension and keeps the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to industry standards for a screenplay, making it easy to follow and visualize the action.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a traditional structure for a mystery/political drama, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear sense of urgency or tension, considering the subject matter of a missing person after a tragic event.
  • The dialogue between Mayor Jim and the private investigator feels somewhat flat and lacks depth, especially given the gravity of the situation.
  • There is a missed opportunity to delve deeper into the motivations of the characters involved, such as Althom Taylor and Mr. Beauvais, which could add layers to the story.
  • The scene could benefit from more visual descriptions to create a vivid setting and enhance the atmosphere.
  • The interaction between Mayor Jim and his secretary Monica could be more dynamic to add interest to the scene.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more suspense and intrigue to the conversation between Mayor Jim and the private investigator to engage the audience.
  • Explore the emotional impact of the missing person case on the characters involved, especially Mayor Jim, to add depth to the scene.
  • Introduce more visual elements to paint a clearer picture of the city hall and the characters' surroundings.
  • Enhance the dynamics between Mayor Jim and his secretary Monica to make their interactions more engaging and reflective of their relationship.
  • Consider incorporating subtle hints or clues about the missing person's identity or whereabouts to build anticipation and mystery.



Scene 17 -  A Letter, a Smile, and a Park
INT. OFFICE RECEPTION - DAY

Secretary Monica reads the letter and makes a photocopy.

SECRETARY MONICA
I don't understand how a simple letter
from a far away friend opens doors to
the mayor of New York City.

PRIVATE INVESTIGATOR
I do.

SECRETARY MONICA
There is nothing important in this


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49.


letter.

The secretary takes another quick look at the letter. These
freemasons. They have their own language.

EXT. SHOPPING DISTRICT - RESTAURANT - DAY

Betrand sits on his steps next to the restaurant. He is not
in the mood to play his violin as Kid is still not there.

Restaurant owner Sitterly passes by to enter La Vérité. Next
is Demario and, not much later, Bona Ferrara, light on her
feet, a smile on her face, delighted by the attention she got
from Mayor Jim.

BETRAND
You look happy.

Bona stops.

BONA
Could be.

BETRAND
You certainly are.

BONA
I wished everybody in the world could
say so. Where is your little friend?

BETRAND
At school, perhaps?

Bona checks her watch.

BONA
Don't thinks so, school finished.

BETRAND
Guess you're right.

Bona hesitates as she wants to say or ask something, but she
decides to continue on her way to the restaurant.

Betrand and Polly are on their own again.

BETRAND (CONT'D)
Come, Polly. We waited long enough.

Betrand takes his violin and gets up. Then he walks into the
street in the opposite direction, passing by other people,


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50.


shop windows and a homeless beggar.

After crossing a street, Betrand and Polly enter through the
gate of a park.
Genres: ["Drama","Mystery"]

Summary In a bustling New York City, Secretary Monica is baffled by a seemingly simple letter that has granted her access to the Mayor. Meanwhile, street musician Betrand, feeling lonely, observes the joy radiating from Bona Ferrara as she enters a restaurant. Despite his attempt to engage her, she remains elusive, leaving Betrand to wander into a nearby park with his loyal dog, Polly. The scene ends with a lingering sense of mystery surrounding the letter and Betrand's loneliness in the vibrant city.
Strengths
  • Intriguing character dynamics
  • Mysterious atmosphere
  • Subtle character revelations
Weaknesses
  • Lack of high-intensity conflict
  • Emotional impact could be stronger

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively sets up a mysterious and reflective tone, introducing intriguing elements that pique the audience's curiosity and create a sense of hope for the characters' futures.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring the characters' pasts, their connections, and the unfolding mysteries is well-executed, engaging the audience and setting the stage for further developments.

Plot: 7

The plot introduces various storylines and conflicts, such as the mysterious envelopes, the missing person investigation, and the characters' interactions, adding depth and complexity to the narrative.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces unique elements such as the freemasons and the mysterious letter, adding depth and complexity to the plot. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and contribute to the overall sense of mystery and suspense.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are intriguing and multi-dimensional, each with their own motivations and secrets, contributing to the overall mystery and depth of the scene.

Character Changes: 5

There are subtle hints of character growth and revelations, particularly in Betrand's introspective moments, but significant changes are yet to fully manifest.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to understand the significance of the letter and the connections it holds. This reflects their deeper desire for knowledge and insight into the mysterious events unfolding around them.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to find Kid and continue their journey together. This reflects the immediate challenge of locating a missing friend and maintaining their companionship.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

While there are underlying conflicts and tensions present, such as the mystery of the envelopes and the missing person investigation, the scene focuses more on character interactions and introspection.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create tension and conflict, with characters facing obstacles and challenges that add complexity to the plot and keep the audience guessing about the outcome.

High Stakes: 5

While there are underlying mysteries and conflicts, the immediate stakes in the scene are relatively low, focusing more on character dynamics and introspection.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by introducing new elements, deepening character relationships, and setting the stage for future developments, maintaining the audience's interest and curiosity.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected interactions between characters, the mysterious elements introduced, and the unresolved questions that leave the audience curious about what will happen next.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the contrast between secrecy and transparency, as symbolized by the freemasons and the open interactions between characters. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs about trust and communication.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The scene evokes a sense of curiosity and reflection, with hints of hope and intrigue, but the emotional impact is more subdued compared to high-intensity scenes.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is engaging and reveals subtle hints about the characters' pasts and relationships, adding layers to the scene and building tension.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the dynamic interactions between characters, the sense of mystery and suspense, and the gradual reveal of information that keeps the audience intrigued and invested in the story.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by balancing moments of tension and intrigue with quieter character interactions, creating a sense of rhythm and flow that keeps the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene adheres to the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings and dialogue formatting that enhance readability and flow.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with a clear progression of events and character interactions that build tension and intrigue.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear direction or purpose, as it transitions abruptly from the office reception to Betrand sitting outside the restaurant.
  • There is a lack of meaningful interaction or conflict between the characters in the scene, making it feel disjointed and unengaging.
  • The dialogue between Secretary Monica and the Private Investigator feels forced and does not contribute to the overall story or character development.
  • The scene fails to establish a strong emotional connection or build tension, resulting in a lackluster and uninteresting moment in the screenplay.
  • The transition between the office reception and Betrand sitting outside the restaurant is jarring and disrupts the flow of the narrative.
Suggestions
  • Consider revising the scene to have a clearer purpose or objective that aligns with the overall story arc.
  • Introduce a conflict or meaningful interaction between the characters to add depth and engagement to the scene.
  • Develop the dialogue to be more impactful and relevant to the characters and the story, ensuring it contributes to character development or plot progression.
  • Focus on building emotional connections or tension to keep the audience invested in the scene.
  • Smooth out the transition between different locations to maintain a cohesive and seamless flow in the screenplay.



Scene 18 -  Hidden Secrets and Unexpected Bonds
EXT. PARK - DAY

Families walk through the park. Children play on the lawn.
Betrand meets Homeless John. After some words John points in
a direction.

Betrand and Polly walk in that direction. There they take a
seat on a park bench, overseeing the park and waiting for Kid
to come back to his sleeping place.

INT. RESTAURANT - NIGHT

Bona is serving guests. Demario cleans a table.

DEMARIO
Did you serve the old man?

BONA
I did until his main course. He is
waiting for his dessert.

DEMARIO
You have not noticed anything?

BONA
What do you mean?

DEMARIO
Something unusual.

BONA
Not yet. What's wrong?

DEMARIO
He did not complain. The old man did
not complain.

Bona walks up to the table with the old guest.

BONA
How is your dinner, sir?

OLD MAN
Excellent.




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BONA
Really?

OLD MAN
Surprised? You too? I am.

Bona turns her eyes to the kitchen, to see owner/cook
Sitterly peeking to the table. Bona leaves the man and
marches to the kitchen.

INT. KITCHEN - CONTINUOUS

BONA
You tried one of his recipes?

Demario steps into the kitchen.

DEMARIO
Compliments from table 6, too, Chef.

Sitterly peeps into the restaurant.

SITTERLY
Table six?

DEMARIO
Table 6 said they never ate something
that delicious before, sirrr. More
specifically they talked about the
cheesy sauce. Your combination with
duck breast actually, sirrr.

BONA
The envelope recipe from three days
ago.

SITTERLY
Duck breast is not that easy to cook.
I admit I could use a little help.

DEMARIO
A wise decision, sirrr.

BONA
You could try the other envelopes too,
as you still have them.

Bona leaves the kitchen.




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INT. RESTAURANT LA VÉRITÉ - CONTINUOUS

Bona walks to the table of the old man.

BONA
Thank you, sir. The chef finally used
your envelope with cooking tips.

OLD MAN
My cooking tips?

BONA
Our little secret.

EXT. SHOPPING DISTRICT - RESTAURANT - NIGHT

Bona leaves the restaurant.

BONA
(to herself)
The end of a nice day.

Bona passes by the empty steps.

EXT. PARK - FROM DUSK TO NIGHT

Betrand sits on the park bench, still waiting.

BETRAND
Be patient, Polly.

Slowly it gets darker. Families have left the park. The
atmosphere changes. Homeless people enter, taking their
places. Waiting for Kid takes quite some time.

Then Polly perks his ears up.

POLLY
Euw..

...From a far distance, Kid approaches. Now Betrand pays
attention... Polly runs in Kid's direction with a happy
wagging tail.

...Kid gets closer.

KID
(shy)
Why are you here?




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BETRAND
This is where you sleep?

KID
Sorry.

BETRAND
I know.

Kid not knowing what to say.

BETRAND (CONT'D)
Take a seat.

Kid sits on the bench next to Betrand.

BETRAND (CONT'D)
(teasing, joking)
Does your mom know you are here?

It looks like Kid starts crying.

BETRAND (CONT'D)
(serious)
Why did you not come to the shopping
district?

KID
I am sorry.

BETRAND
Why did not you come today? Polly
missed you.

KID
I lied to you...

BETRAND
I know.

KID
You were so nice to take me to the
zoo..., and I lied.

BETRAND
About your family, your whereabouts.

KID
You know?




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BETRAND
Of course I know. It is obvious.

KID
I did not want to come back. I would
have to lie again. You were so nice to
me.

Betrand gets up.

BETRAND
Come, I will show you something. And
then we talk.
(beat)
Do you have any belongings to take
with you?

Kid disappears into the bushes. He comes back with a big
cardboard box, a plastic bag and a rolled up mat.

BETRAND
(Pointing at the box)
Your blanket?

KID
Yes.

Walking through the park, they exit out through the gate.
Genres: ["Drama","Slice of Life"]

Summary At a restaurant, Bona serves an enigmatic older man who offers the chef a secret tip. Demario later reveals the guest's true identity as a food critic, explaining his unusual behavior. Meanwhile, Betrand waits anxiously for Kid, a homeless child he befriended, in a park. Kid arrives, looking scared and guilty, confessing that he lied about his family to stay with Betrand, revealing his difficult life and his desire for connection.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Poignant dialogue
  • Exploration of themes
Weaknesses
  • Limited external conflict
  • Slow pacing in some parts

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively conveys emotional depth and explores important themes through the interactions between Betrand and Kid. The dialogue is poignant and the character dynamics are engaging.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of waiting for Kid and the emotional journey of the characters are well-developed and engaging. The scene effectively explores themes of family, trust, and vulnerability.

Plot: 7

The plot focuses on the emotional connection between Betrand and Kid, as well as the contrast between their living conditions. The scene moves the story forward by deepening the relationship between the characters.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces fresh perspectives on themes of honesty, compassion, and social inequality. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and relatable, adding depth to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Betrand and Kid are well-developed and their emotional journey is compelling. The scene effectively showcases their vulnerability and the importance of human connection.

Character Changes: 7

Both Betrand and Kid experience emotional growth and vulnerability in the scene. Betrand shows compassion and understanding towards Kid, while Kid opens up about his struggles and fears.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to connect with Kid, understand his situation, and offer support and guidance. This reflects Bertrand's deeper desire for connection, empathy, and a sense of purpose in helping others.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to find Kid, bring him back to safety, and address the issues of lying and homelessness. This reflects the immediate challenge of caring for a vulnerable individual and navigating complex social dynamics.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

While there is emotional conflict and tension in the scene, it is more subtle and internalized, focusing on the characters' personal struggles and vulnerabilities.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicts arising from the characters' differing perspectives, motivations, and actions. The audience is left wondering how the characters will navigate these challenges.

High Stakes: 5

While the stakes are not overtly high in the scene, the emotional connection and vulnerability of the characters create a sense of importance and impact in their interactions.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by deepening the relationship between Betrand and Kid, exploring important themes, and setting the stage for further character development and plot progression.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in character interactions and revelations. The audience is kept on their toes, unsure of how the conflicts will be resolved.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict revolves around themes of honesty, compassion, and the complexities of human relationships. Bertrand's belief in the importance of honesty and empathy is challenged by Kid's lies and struggles with his circumstances.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking feelings of empathy, compassion, and reflection. The interactions between Betrand and Kid resonate with the audience and create a poignant atmosphere.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is poignant and effectively conveys the emotions and thoughts of the characters. It adds depth to the scene and enhances the character dynamics.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its emotional depth, relatable characters, and subtle tension. The audience is drawn into the characters' struggles and relationships, creating a sense of empathy and connection.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a gradual build-up of tension, emotional beats, and character revelations. The rhythm of the dialogue and actions enhances the scene's effectiveness.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to the expected format for a screenplay, with proper scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting. The visual descriptions enhance the reader's understanding of the setting and character actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with distinct settings, character interactions, and a gradual build-up of tension and emotion. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the scene's effectiveness.


Critique
  • The scene transitions abruptly from Bona serving guests in the restaurant to Betrand waiting in the park, which can be disorienting for the audience.
  • There is a lack of smooth transition between the different locations and characters, making the scene feel disjointed.
  • The dialogue between Demario and Bona about the old man not complaining feels forced and unnatural, lacking depth and authenticity.
  • The interaction between Bona and the old man at the table lacks emotional depth and fails to create a meaningful connection between the characters.
  • The scene lacks a clear focus or central conflict, making it feel like a series of disconnected events rather than a cohesive narrative.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a smoother transition between the different locations and characters to improve the flow of the scene.
  • Enhance the dialogue between Demario and Bona to make it more engaging and realistic, adding depth to their interaction.
  • Focus on developing a central conflict or theme in the scene to give it a sense of purpose and direction.
  • Work on creating more emotional depth in the interaction between Bona and the old man to make their connection more meaningful and engaging.
  • Consider revising the structure of the scene to ensure a more coherent and engaging storytelling experience for the audience.



Scene 19 -  A Night in the Alley
EXT. SHOPPING DISTRICT - NIGHT

Betrand, Polly and Kid walk through the shopping district,
this time with people going out, talking too loud. Lots of
drunk people, no shoppers.

They get close to the restaurant and hold as Sitterly leaves
and locks the door.

Once he is out of sight, Betrand and the others secretly move
into the alley.

EXT. HIDING PLACE BEHIND RESTAURANT - NIGHT

Kid is astonished about what he sees. Especially when Betrand
lights a candle in his hiding place at the back of the
restaurant.

Betrand covers the table. Kid waits with Polly.

BETRAND
You didn't eat, did you?


Created using Celtx
55.


KID
I did.

BETRAND
No more lies.

KID
I had some, really I did.

BETRAND
Wait.

Betrand disappears behind the bench and comes back with food
from the restaurant garbage bag and some drinks.

Pointing at his provisional bed.

BETRAND
I have only one chair. You can sit
there...

The sound of water comes from a drain pipe near the floor.
The restaurant loosens her hot wash water from the kitchen
through the pipe into a plastic box Betrand put there.

BETRAND (CONT'D)
... wash your hands.

Kid washes his hands. Betrand makes Kid a plate for dinner,
which he hands over. Kid take a bite.

KID
Wonderful!

BETRAND
Another lie.

KID
No really, it is cold, but it tastes
wonderful.

BETRAND
Impossible.

KID
Of course not. It comes from the
restaurant.

Betrand takes a piece of meat from Kid's plate and tastes.




Created using Celtx
56.


BETRAND
(surprised)
You are right. It tastes good for the
first time...

He throws Polly a small piece of meat.

BETRAND (CONT'D)
...You will love it, Polly. He used
our recipe.

KID
Your recipe?

BETRAND
Long story. I'll tell you tomorrow.
It's bed time now. Tomorrow I got a
lot more to tell you, too.
(beat)
Maybe you can sleep besides Polly for
one night. Her basket is a bit soft.

Polly sleeps on an old kind of textured, quilted dog's basket
on the floor.

Kid takes his cardboard box to Polly's dog basket as a
blanket to get to sleep.

BETRAND
Hey, you. Don't you take a shower
before going to bed?

Kid looks at Betrand with a confused look.

BETRAND
Come...

Betrand takes Kid to the plastic box is next to a drain pipe.

BETRAND
Water; used in the kitchen for washing
up. Better than nothing. It is still
warm.

Like a father, Betrand helps Kid take off his shirt and
washes him with a little water.

KID
(laughing)
The water smells like turkey.



Created using Celtx
57.


Time passes.
Then Kid rolls out his mat. He kneels on it.

BETRAND
What are you doing.

KID
I pray.

Then Kid gets to bed, in the dog's basket with Polly.
Genres: ["Drama","Slice of Life"]

Summary After escaping Sitterly, Betrand, Polly, and Kid find refuge in an alley behind a restaurant. Betrand, using his resourcefulness, scavenges food scraps and uses water from the restaurant's drain to provide Kid with a makeshift meal and wash. Despite initial skepticism, Kid finds the food surprisingly good. Betrand's caring nature shines through as he helps Kid wash and they share a moment of connection. The scene ends with Kid sleeping peacefully in the dog's basket with Polly, symbolizing a newfound sense of safety and acceptance.
Strengths
  • Authentic dialogue
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
Weaknesses
  • Low external conflict
  • Limited plot progression

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively conveys a sense of intimacy and connection between Betrand and Kid, drawing the audience into their world and emotions.


Story Content

Concept: 7

The concept of unlikely friendship and shared moments of vulnerability in the midst of hardship is well-executed.

Plot: 7

The plot focuses on the interaction between Betrand and Kid, deepening their relationship and revealing more about their characters.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh perspective on survival and compassion in a harsh urban environment, with authentic character interactions and dialogue.


Character Development

Characters: 9

Betrand and Kid are well-developed characters with distinct personalities and a strong emotional connection that drives the scene.

Character Changes: 7

Kid experiences a moment of honesty and vulnerability with Betrand, potentially leading to growth and a deeper connection between them.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to protect and care for Kid, showing compassion and kindness in a harsh environment. This reflects their deeper need for connection and empathy.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to find shelter and food for themselves and Kid, navigating the challenges of their current circumstances.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 4

While there is some tension in Kid's initial lies and Betrand's reaction, the overall conflict is low, focusing more on the emotional bond between the characters.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the characters facing challenges and obstacles that add complexity to their situation.

High Stakes: 3

The stakes are relatively low in this scene, with the emphasis on emotional connection rather than external conflicts or high-risk situations.

Story Forward: 6

While the scene primarily focuses on character development and relationship building, it contributes to the overall narrative by deepening the audience's understanding of Betrand and Kid.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the characters' unexpected actions and interactions, keeping the audience on edge.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

There is a philosophical conflict between survival and morality evident in this scene. Betrand must balance the need to survive with his moral compass, as seen in his actions towards Kid.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions of empathy and warmth, drawing the audience into the characters' shared moment of vulnerability.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is authentic and reveals the characters' emotions and thoughts effectively.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it creates a sense of urgency and empathy for the characters' struggles, drawing the audience into their world.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotion, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the characters' journey.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character dialogue.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure, moving from the characters' actions in the shopping district to their interactions behind the restaurant, effectively building tension and emotion.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear sense of purpose or direction, with the characters moving through the shopping district and then into the alley without a clear goal or conflict driving the action.
  • The dialogue between Betrand and Kid feels somewhat forced and lacks depth, with Kid's sudden change in attitude towards the food feeling unrealistic.
  • The transition from the shopping district to the hiding place behind the restaurant is abrupt and could benefit from smoother pacing and more seamless storytelling.
  • The scene could benefit from more visual descriptions to create a vivid and immersive setting for the readers.
  • There is a missed opportunity to delve deeper into the relationship between Betrand, Kid, and Polly, as well as explore the dynamics of their makeshift family.
Suggestions
  • Clarify the purpose of the scene and establish a clear goal or conflict to drive the action forward.
  • Develop the dialogue between Betrand and Kid to make it more authentic and reflective of their relationship.
  • Smooth out the transition between locations and ensure a logical flow of events.
  • Enhance the visual descriptions to create a more engaging and immersive setting for the readers.
  • Explore the emotional depth of the characters and their relationships to add layers to the scene and make it more impactful.



Scene 20 -  Sharing the Burden
EXT. HIDING PLACE BEHIND RESTAURANT -LATER

It is pure night. Betrand, Polly and Kid get to sleep.

Betrand and Kid don't see each other in the dark. They only
hear each other speak.

KID
Sir.

BETRAND
You must sleep.

KID
I got the pastries from the church.
Not my mother.
(beat)
I come from Mali.

BETRAND
I thought so.

KID
I lost my family...

..................................

FLASHBACK

EXT. SMALL MALI VILLAGE, DAY

A house in a clearing surrounded by a dense, green forest.
Kid (2 years younger) fearful but also cleverly hidden,
watches how his native house, which has a 'typical' Mali
appearance due to its location and facade, is on FIRE.

GUERILLA-like dressed, armed men stand in front of it. They
threaten and shout.




Created using Celtx
58.


GUERILLAS
Get out with your hands up.

KID (CONT'D - V.O)
...in a fire with my little sister,

GUERILLAS
Get out!

A man, Kid'S FATHER, dressed in uniform, steps out the door.

GUERILLAS
Hands in the air! Show your hands!

Kid's father moves both hands like a funnel to his mouth to
shout:

KID'S FATHER
(shout)
Run Abele! Run!

MACHINE GUNS BLAST.

KID (V.O)
My father was shot...

Father falls to the ground.

KID (V.O)(CONT'D)
It was... I don't know what it was. I
ran like my father told me to.

Kid starts running into the wood. As he flees, still running,
he looks back.

KID (V.O)(CONT'D)
I fled but I couldn't stop looking at
the fire as I ran.

END FLASHBACK

....................................

KID
My mother died... in the fire... with
my little sister... my father was
shot...

BETRAND
How did you get away?



Created using Celtx
59.


KID
My father was an important man. He had
a uniform. He foresaw what could
happen. He gave me diamonds. We were
rich.

BETRAND
And then?

KID
Diamonds and an address... in Senegal.
An office. That man in Senegal got me
on the cargo boat.

BETRAND
You paid with diamonds?

KID
We were rich. Mom had a cook. But the
pastries she really cooked herself.

BETRAND
Your little sister got piano lessons?

KID
That's true. I did not lie about
her...

Although hard to see in almost absolute darkness, we catch a
glimpse of Betrand getting out of bed. He puts his mattress
on the floor next to Kid.

BETRAND
Come.

Kid crawls to the mattress.

KID
The guerrillas burnt down the village.
Everybody died. I got away with an
officer friend of my father.
Allah saved me.

Now both use the mattress.

.....................................

FLASHBACK




Created using Celtx
60.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In a dimly lit hiding place behind a restaurant, Kid, a young refugee from Mali, confides in Bertrand about the devastating fire that claimed his family. He recounts the attack by guerrillas, his father's shooting, and the tragic loss of his mother and sister. Bertrand listens attentively, offering empathy and understanding. As the scene ends, Bertrand extends a gesture of comfort and solidarity by sharing his mattress with Kid, symbolizing a nascent bond formed in the face of shared vulnerability.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Revealing backstory
Weaknesses
  • Dark and intense subject matter may be triggering for some audiences

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is emotionally impactful, intense, and reveals crucial backstory for Kid, adding depth to the narrative.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring Kid's past through a flashback adds depth to his character and enhances the audience's understanding of his motivations.

Plot: 9

The plot advances significantly by revealing Kid's backstory, adding layers to the characters and setting up potential future conflicts.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on themes of war and survival, blending personal trauma with larger societal issues. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters, especially Kid and Betrand, are developed further through their interactions and the revelation of Kid's past.

Character Changes: 9

Kid undergoes a significant emotional change as he opens up about his past, leading to a deeper bond with Betrand.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to share his traumatic past with Betrand, seeking understanding and connection. This reflects his need for emotional support and validation of his experiences.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to explain how he escaped Mali and ended up in Senegal, showcasing his journey of survival and resilience.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict is internal for Kid, as he grapples with his traumatic past and the loss of his family.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing internal and external challenges related to his past trauma and survival. The audience is left uncertain about the character's fate and emotional resolution.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high for Kid as he confronts his traumatic past and reveals his vulnerabilities to Betrand.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by revealing crucial information about Kid's past and setting up potential future conflicts.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in the protagonist's backstory and the emotional revelations that unfold. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of what will happen next.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict revolves around themes of survival, fate, and faith. The protagonist's belief in Allah saving him contrasts with the violence and chaos he experienced in Mali.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 10

The scene evokes strong emotions through Kid's heartbreaking story, creating a deep connection with the audience.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is poignant and reveals important information about Kid's past, creating a sense of empathy and connection with the characters.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its emotional depth, character development, and suspenseful storytelling. The audience is drawn into the protagonist's harrowing experiences and personal revelations.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, balancing dialogue, flashback sequences, and emotional beats to maintain tension and momentum. The rhythm of the scene enhances its emotional impact and narrative flow.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and easy to follow, with distinct transitions between present and flashback sequences.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with a mix of present dialogue and past flashbacks, effectively conveying the protagonist's backstory and emotional journey.


Critique
  • The scene transitions from a dark hiding place behind a restaurant to a flashback in a small Mali village, which may be confusing for the audience. Consider a smoother transition or clearer indication of the flashback.
  • The dialogue between Kid and Betrand reveals important backstory but could be more emotionally impactful. Try to delve deeper into the characters' emotions and reactions to the traumatic events they are discussing.
  • The scene lacks visual descriptions, making it difficult for the audience to fully immerse themselves in the setting and characters' actions. Consider adding more visual cues to enhance the scene.
  • The pacing of the scene could be improved by balancing the dialogue with more action or character movement. This will help maintain the audience's engagement throughout the scene.
  • The transition from Kid praying to getting into bed with Polly feels abrupt and could be smoothed out to create a more seamless flow.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a visual cue or sound effect to indicate the transition between the present hiding place and the flashback in Mali. This will help the audience understand the shift in time and setting.
  • Enhance the emotional depth of the dialogue between Kid and Betrand by exploring their reactions to the traumatic events they are discussing. This will create a more compelling and engaging scene.
  • Include more visual descriptions of the characters' actions and the environment to paint a vivid picture for the audience. This will help immerse the audience in the scene and enhance their viewing experience.
  • Introduce more movement or action beats to break up the dialogue and maintain the scene's pacing. This will prevent the scene from feeling stagnant and keep the audience engaged.
  • Smooth out the transition from Kid praying to getting into bed with Polly by adding a brief moment of reflection or interaction between the characters. This will create a more natural progression in the scene.



Scene 21 -  A Birthday Wish and a Difficult Choice
EXT. REMAINS OF A BURNT DOWN FRENCH RESTAURANT - DUSK

In a black, burnt, former restaurant in France, a younger
Betrand, without beard, in chef's clothes sits down, mourning
over the framed picture (the audience knows from his hiding
place) of his late wife and son.

BETRAND (V.O.)
I lost my wife and son in a fire, too.
Try to sleep.

END FLASHBACK

.....................................

BETRAND
Tomorrow we talk more.

EXT. HIDING PLACE BEHIND RESTAURANT - DAWN

Fresh sunlight, singing birds and morning sounds from the
street make it clear the city is waking up. Betrand gets up.
He washes a little with water left in the bin and with
scissors, he cuts his beard, checking in a mirror shard.

Kid wakes up. Looks at the framed picture at the wall. Camera
zooms in on the picture.

KID
Your wife and child?

BETRAND
Yes.

INT. BONA'S HOUSE - SIMPLE HOME KITCHEN - DAY

Bona, still in her pajamas opens a little suitcase and takes
out garlands that she shows Miss Jefferson.

BONA
Found them.

LITTLE GINA
For my birthday.

MISS JEFFERSON
You have to wait another two days,
Gina.

LITTLE GINA
Then we get visitors.


Created using Celtx
61.


BONA
Friends from school.

LITTLE GINA
And the mayor.

MISS JEFFERSON
The mayor. Will he come?

BONA
He can't. Because of a meeting.
Something to do with the French
ambassador and the mayor of Paris
visiting town.
(to Gina)
Get dressed, Gina.

Gina leaves the room.

MISS JEFFERSON
What about your mayor? Is he getting
serious? And.., you?

BONA
I don't know.

MISS JEFFERSON
He is married.

BONA
He is on the eve of a divorce, he
says.

MISS JEFFERSON
From his second wife. For you?

BONA
That's what he tells me.

MISS JEFFERSON
It just feels unpleasant.

BONA
You are right. It makes me feel uneasy
every time we meet. But he is nice to
me.

In a long pause, without words, the women do the dishes.

BONA
He offered me a job.


Created using Celtx
62.


MISS JEFFERSON
What kind?

BONA
Actually, I don't know. I will be his
secretary, or something like that.

MISS JEFFERSON
His secretary?

BONA
The thing is: He already has a
secretary. A nice lady. I see her
every time I am at the office.

MISS JEFFERSON
So... You will be his second
secretary? And.., his third wife?

BONA
Perhaps.

MISS JEFFERSON
You accept the job?

BONA
I don't know, Granny. It pays three
times as much as La Verité. Maybe four
times as much. I could easily pay
Gina's piano lessons.

Gina gets back, now dressed.

LITTLE GINA
Mom..., could we ask the violin
player?

BONA
The violin player? How do you mean,
darling?

LITTLE GINA
To come to my party.

BONA
At your birthday party?

LITTLE GINA
He could play the violin.




Created using Celtx
63.


BONA
She loves music, Granny.

LITTLE GINA
Not all music.

MISS JEFFERSON
Violin music? And piano?

LITTLE GINA
Nice music. I mean: If the mayor
cannot come, maybe the violin player
can. With his friend and his little
dog.

BONA
Gina does not like Jim.

MISS JEFFERSON
Is that so ,Gina? You don't like the
mayor? Why not?

LITTLE GINA
Mom likes him...

MISS JEFFERSON
I know, but you don't? Why not?

LITTLE GINA
He is too nicely dressed.

BONA
I explained, Gina, that's part of his
job.

LITTLE GINA
I know. Can we ask the violin player?

BONA
He is homeless.

MISS JEFFERSON
Maybe the ultimate reason to ask him?

BONA
Granny!

MISS JEFFERSON
Could be a nice idea. Especially as we
are only four weeks from Christmas.



Created using Celtx
64.


BONA
I cannot ask a man from the street,
just because my daughter likes him. It
would be embarrassing. Embarrassing
and offending. He will say no.

MISS JEFFERSON
Why?

BONA
Because... because the street is his
way of life.

MISS JEFFERSON
How do you know?

BONA
I see him every day on my way to La
Vérité.

MISS JEFFERSON
You never asked him.

BONA
Asked him what?

MISS JEFFERSON
If he would like to have dinner with
us.

BONA
Granny, I cannot ask any stranger I
like.

MISS JEFFERSON
You do like him...?

BONA
I think..., yes he is a nice man. But,
he lives on the street.

GINA
What does that mean... He lives on the
street?

MISS JEFFERSON
It means he's homeless.

GINA
No home? Where does he sleep?



Created using Celtx
65.


BONA
No one knows. On a bench in the park
or the porch of a large shop. That's
what homeless people do.

LITTLE GINA
He does not have a bed?

MISS JEFFERSON
It is shameful. Most of them have to
sleep on the floor.

LITTLE GINA
And his young friend?
(beat)
Can we ask the violin player to come
to my birthday party, mom?

MISS JEFFERSON
Do we, Bona?

BONA
I'll try. Yes, I will ask him.

LITTLE GINA
When?

BONA
This afternoon, okay?
Genres: ["Drama","Family"]

Summary As Betrand grapples with the trauma of his past, Bona faces a complex decision. She's offered a secretary position by the mayor, who is in the midst of a divorce, but is conflicted about accepting due to ethical concerns and her own feelings. Meanwhile, Bona's young daughter Gina desires a violin player for her birthday party. Inspired by her daughter's wish, Bona resolves to ask the homeless violin player she often sees on her way to work, hoping to bring a touch of magic to the celebration.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Exploration of themes
Weaknesses
  • Lack of external conflict
  • Slow pacing in some parts

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is well-written, emotionally impactful, and sets up potential character development and conflicts.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of inviting a homeless man to a birthday party adds depth and complexity to the characters and themes.

Plot: 7

The plot moves forward through character interactions and the introduction of potential conflicts.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces unique situations such as the protagonist's decision about a job offer and the potential invitation of a homeless violin player to a birthday party. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed, with clear motivations and relationships. Their interactions drive the emotional core of the scene.

Character Changes: 7

There is potential for character growth, especially in Bona's willingness to invite the homeless man to the party.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to come to terms with his grief and find a way to move forward after the loss of his wife and son. This reflects his deeper need for closure and healing from the traumatic event.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to navigate his relationships with the people around him, such as the kid and Bona, and potentially make a decision about a job offer. This reflects the immediate circumstances and challenges he's facing in rebuilding his life after the tragedy.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 5

The conflict is more internal and emotional, focusing on the characters' personal struggles and relationships.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create tension and conflict, particularly in the protagonist's internal struggle between holding onto the past and moving forward.

High Stakes: 4

The stakes are more personal and emotional, focusing on the characters' relationships and moral decisions.

Story Forward: 7

The scene introduces new elements and potential conflicts that could impact the story's progression.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected decision to invite a homeless violin player to a birthday party, adding a layer of complexity and intrigue to the narrative.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the protagonist's internal struggle between holding onto the past and moving forward. This challenges his beliefs about grief, healing, and the possibility of finding happiness again.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions through the characters' discussions of loss, family, and empathy.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is natural and reveals important information about the characters and their relationships.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its emotional depth, realistic character interactions, and intriguing plot developments that keep the audience invested in the protagonist's journey.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by balancing emotional moments with dialogue exchanges, creating a rhythm that keeps the audience engaged and invested in the story.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with proper scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting that enhance readability and clarity.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear transitions between locations and well-paced dialogue exchanges that drive the narrative forward.


Critique
  • The scene transitions abruptly from Betrand mourning over a framed picture to Bona preparing for her daughter's birthday, creating a disjointed flow.
  • The dialogue between Bona and Miss Jefferson feels forced and lacks naturalness, making it difficult for the audience to connect with the characters.
  • The conversation about inviting the homeless violin player to Gina's birthday party feels contrived and lacks depth, missing an opportunity to explore the complexities of the characters' relationships.
  • The scene lacks emotional depth and fails to effectively convey the inner struggles and conflicts of the characters, resulting in a superficial portrayal of their interactions.
  • The transition from the conversation about the violin player to Bona's decision to ask him to the party feels rushed and lacks a clear motivation or emotional resonance.
Suggestions
  • Consider restructuring the scene to create a smoother transition between Betrand's flashback and Bona's preparations for the birthday party.
  • Focus on developing more authentic and meaningful dialogue between Bona and Miss Jefferson to enhance the emotional depth of their relationship.
  • Explore the characters' inner conflicts and motivations more deeply to add complexity and nuance to their interactions.
  • Provide more context and background information to justify Bona's decision to invite the homeless violin player to the party, adding depth and emotional resonance to the scene.
  • Work on building tension and emotional stakes throughout the scene to engage the audience and create a more compelling narrative.



Scene 22 -  The Secret Recipe
EXT. SHOPPING DISTRICT - RESTAURANT - DAY

Ambiance in the shopping district has changed: CITY WORKERS
assemble Christmas decorations. The OWNER of a small shop
places a cheap Christmas tree next to the entrance.

The black car with chauffeur and Mayor Jim stops in front of
La Vérité. Bona gets out. From the backseat in the car, Jim
opens the car window. Bona kisses him goodbye through the
open window.

BONA
Thank you again for the wonderful
lunch.

JIM
It is a month now I've been taking you
out. It's about time to enjoy other
things than just lunch.




Created using Celtx
66.


BONA
I need more time, Jim.

As the car window closes, the car leaves Bona with her
thoughts, absentmindedly waving goodbye. Until the car
disappears and she is herself again and steps in the
direction of Betrand, Polly and Kid.

BETRAND
Your restaurant gets famous. And you
get a car with private chauffeur now.

BONA
You are joking. But you are right. La
Vérité is getting famous.

BETRAND
How come?

BONA
Thanks to the food.

KID
We know...

BONA
The owner changed the menu. All the
dishes are new.

BETRAND
That's spectacular. A complete revival
just because of new menus.

BONA
You should taste the new dishes. Then
you will understand. They are
extraordinary.

KID
We know..., we...,

BETRAND
Ssst..!

BONA
To be honest, we have a regular guest,
who provides the recipes.

BETRAND
Someone my age?



Created using Celtx
67.


BONA
No... a very old man. He doesn't want
to talk about his background, but he
must be a culinary phenomenon. He
provided the chef with new recipes in
handwritten letters which he puts in
the mailbox in brown envelopes every
day.

KID
We...

BETRAND
You... Don't interrupt the lady.

KID
But we...

BETRAND
Keep quiet.

BONA
What helped, we had a review in a
local paper. Since then, we have other
guests. And today we have an article
in the New York Times.

BETRAND
And a private chauffeur takes you to
your job.

BONA
(apologetic)
That's the mayor.

BETRAND
I know.

BONA
It is not what you think it is.

BETRAND
Really?

With a smile, Bona takes off to restaurant La Vérité. She is
out of hearing distance as:

KID
Why don't you tell her those are your
recipes?



Created using Celtx
68.


BETRAND
I do like a good secret. You
understand?

KID
Not really. She likes you and she
would like you even more if she knew.

BETRAND
Ssst...

Bona returns to the steps.

BONA
Sorry..., I almost forgot. I'd like to
ask you something...
(beat)
It is a little bit... you know...
(beat)
Actually the idea comes from my
daughter...
(beat)
--the day after tomorrow is her
birthday. And now she's wondering if
you would be so kind as to come and
visit us.

KID
Of course we would.

BONA
Would you?

BETRAND
Visit for your daughter's birthday?

BONA
Yes, you and him. And your lovely dog.

BETRAND
I do have to think it over.

KID
I don't. We will be there.

BETRAND
You heard the kid.

BONA
You'll come? Gina will like it. And
Granny. And... me, too.


Created using Celtx
69.


BETRAND
How could we say no to three ladies,
huh, Polly?

POLLY
Whoef.

BETRAND
I would like to come. But under one
condition.

KID
No... no conditions.

BONA
What is?

BETRAND
That you let me cook.

BONA
You are kidding.

KID
No, he is not. You must let him cook.

BONA
Okay... surprise me. But you must
know, for a month now, I know
everything about cooking. And you
cannot beat Granny.

BETRAND
We have got a deal.

Bona and Betrand shake hands.

BONA
Okay... let's do it.

Kid gives Bona a high five. After that, Bona continues her
way to the restaurant.

KID
You got a date.

BETRAND
But I have no black car with a
chauffeur, you wise man.




Created using Celtx
70.


KID
You can cook.

BETRAND
You work on those math books I bought
you.

Kid takes a book with math on the cover, a pencil, and starts
filling in answers.

BETRAND
School is important. It's your future.
We have to find a better solution. You
have to go to school.

KID
I'd rather study the books you gave
me. With you. No school. You went to
school?

BETRAND
I did.

KID
And now you sit here. Like me.

BETRAND
Do your homework, you smart kid.

Betrand starts playing his violin. After a pause, the
restaurant owner and chef Sitterly passes by. He's got a
folded New York Times in his hands.

SITTERLY
Still here?

BETRAND
As you see.

SITTERLY
You have to move, beggar. We're
getting famous with our recipes.

Sitterly continues his way to the restaurant. The windows
have Christmas decorations and there is a Christmas tree at
the front door.

KID
He is mean. Why do you help him with
your recipes?



Created using Celtx
71.


BETRAND
He also is our food supplier.
Genres: ["Drama","Romance","Comedy"]

Summary Bona returns to La Vérité after lunch with the mayor and shares the news of the restaurant's newfound popularity, fueled by new recipes from a mysterious old man. Bertrand, the secret source of these recipes, enjoys keeping his identity hidden, especially as Bona shows interest in him. Bona invites Bertrand and Kid to her daughter's birthday party, which Bertrand accepts on the condition that he is allowed to cook. Sitterly, the restaurant's owner, arrives and orders Bertrand to leave, believing the success of La Vérité is due to his own efforts. Kid inquires about Bertrand's connection to Sitterly, to which Bertrand reveals that Sitterly is their food supplier.
Strengths
  • Strong character development
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Heartwarming themes
Weaknesses
  • Lack of overt conflict
  • Some dialogue could be more concise

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively combines heartwarming moments, light-hearted humor, and reflective insights, creating an engaging and emotionally resonant narrative.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of using food as a catalyst for relationships and personal growth is well-executed. The introduction of the mysterious old man and his secret recipes adds depth and intrigue to the storyline.

Plot: 7

The plot advances through character interactions and revelations, setting up future conflicts and developments. The scene introduces key relationships and themes that will likely play a significant role in the overall story.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh take on the restaurant industry, blending elements of mystery, humor, and drama. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and add depth to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed and engaging, each with their own unique personalities and motivations. Betrand is portrayed as caring and protective, Kid is curious and resilient, and Bona is determined and compassionate.

Character Changes: 7

While there are subtle hints of character growth and revelations, the scene primarily sets the stage for future developments. Betrand's protective nature and Kid's resilience are highlighted, laying the foundation for potential character arcs.

Internal Goal: 8

Bona's internal goal in this scene is to navigate her relationships with Jim, Betrand, Polly, and Kid while also managing the success of her restaurant. She is torn between her feelings for Jim and her dedication to her business.

External Goal: 7

Bona's external goal is to maintain the success of her restaurant and handle the newfound attention it is receiving. She also extends an invitation to Betrand, Polly, and Kid to visit for her daughter's birthday.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

While there are hints of potential conflicts and tensions, the scene primarily focuses on building relationships and establishing the setting. The conflicts are more subtle and internal at this point.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, particularly between Betrand's desire to keep his recipes a secret and Kid's insistence on honesty. This conflict adds tension and complexity to the interactions between the characters.

High Stakes: 6

While the stakes are not overtly high in this scene, there are hints of deeper conflicts and challenges to come. The relationships and dynamics established here could lead to significant emotional and narrative stakes in the future.

Story Forward: 7

The scene introduces key relationships, themes, and conflicts that will likely drive the narrative forward. It sets up future events and developments, hinting at potential challenges and resolutions.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in the characters' interactions and the revelation of new information about the restaurant's success. The audience is kept on their toes as the story unfolds.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

There is a philosophical conflict between Betrand's desire to keep his recipes a secret and Kid's belief that Bona should know the truth. This conflict challenges Betrand's values of secrecy and Kid's honesty.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from warmth and nostalgia to hope and curiosity. The interactions between characters and the themes of loss and resilience add depth and emotional resonance.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is natural and engaging, revealing character dynamics and advancing the plot. It effectively conveys emotions, humor, and subtle hints of deeper emotions and conflicts.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the dynamic interactions between the characters, the humor infused in the dialogue, and the unfolding of multiple storylines. The audience is drawn into the characters' relationships and the evolving plot.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a good balance of dialogue, action, and character interactions. The rhythm of the scene contributes to its effectiveness in conveying the emotions and intentions of the characters.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene descriptions, character dialogue, and action lines. The formatting enhances the readability and flow of the screenplay.

Structure: 9

The scene follows a clear structure with well-defined character interactions and progression of events. It maintains a good pace and keeps the audience engaged.


Critique
  • The scene lacks depth in character development and emotional connection. There is a missed opportunity to explore the relationship between Betrand, Bona, and Kid in a more meaningful way.
  • The dialogue feels a bit forced and lacks natural flow. It could be more authentic and reflective of the characters' personalities and emotions.
  • The scene could benefit from more visual descriptions to create a vivid and engaging setting for the readers.
  • The transition between different interactions and conversations feels abrupt and could be smoother to maintain the continuity of the scene.
  • There is a lack of subtext and underlying tension in the interactions between the characters, making the scene feel flat and less engaging.
Suggestions
  • Add more depth to the characters by exploring their motivations, fears, and desires. This will make the scene more engaging and relatable.
  • Work on refining the dialogue to make it more natural and reflective of the characters' personalities. Consider adding subtext and emotional layers to the conversations.
  • Enhance the visual descriptions to create a more immersive setting for the scene. Use sensory details to bring the environment to life.
  • Smooth out the transitions between different interactions and conversations to maintain the flow of the scene. Consider using narrative techniques to connect the different elements seamlessly.
  • Introduce more conflict and tension in the interactions between the characters to create a more dynamic and engaging scene.



Scene 23 -  Chef's Pride and Bertrand's Secret
INT. RESTAURANT LA VÉRITÉ - DAY

Decorated for Christmas with a tree in the corner. Chef
Sitterly shows Demario and Bona the New York Times newspaper.

SITTERLY
I know you doubted my cooking
qualities. Now have a look at this.

Sitterly unfolds the newspaper. He shows an article with
himself in cooking attire. On a second picture is La Vérité's
exterior. In a corner of the second picture are Betrand, Kid
and Polly.

SITTERLY
Read.

Close up newspaper article.

SITTERLY
(quotes the heading)
La Vérité chef Sitterly, the talk of
the town...

DEMARIO
(reads loud)
... In a restaurant that makes you
wonder if the dismal interior was
gathered 25 years ago at French,
English, and Chinese flea markets,
chef Sitterly serves you the most
refined dishes.

SITTERLY
You see how the journalist appreciates
my interior, too.

Bona continues reading.

BONA
You don't mention the old man and his
cooking tips.

SITTERLY
I am the chef. Not he.

DEMARIO
That's true, but the recipes are his.


Created using Celtx
72.


SITTERLY
We don't have to tell him. Let him
think nothing has changed.

BONA
He knows as he tastes.

SITTERLY
He cannot possibly know. These could
as well be my recipes. And you, lady,
you won't tell him. On the contrary,
it is your task to keep things the way
they are. He comes and orders his
meals. That's all. And you, you tell
him nothing has changed.

Sitterly takes the newspaper as he turns to the kitchen. Bona
covers tables as Sitterly stops at the kitchen door.

SITTERLY
(Discriminating)
You, waitress. You know the violin
player. Tell him to leave. We get a
higher level of guest now. I do not
want a beggar on my doorstep.

BONA
Not your doorstep.

SITTERLY
Mind your words lady, or you will have
to find another job.

BONA
(hardly audible)
Who knows.

Sitterly in a corner of the restaurant opens the newspaper
again and proudly reads the article again.
Genres: ["Drama","Mystery"]

Summary Sitterly, the chef at La Verite, shows off a glowing New York Times article about his cooking to Demario and Bona, but the article also mocks the restaurant's interior. While Demario highlights the negative comments about the decor, Bona points out that the article fails to mention Bertrand, the old man who provides ingredients and culinary wisdom. Sitterly, determined to maintain his image as the sole culinary genius, forbids anyone from telling Bertrand about the article and orders Bona to dismiss the violin player, believing the restaurant is attracting a higher class of clientele. His arrogance and desire for control create a tense atmosphere, with Bona's subtle disapproval adding to the tension.
Strengths
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Tension-building
  • Revealing character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Limited emotional depth
  • Character changes not fully realized

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively builds tension and reveals important information about the characters and their dynamics. The dialogue is engaging and the conflict is palpable.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a secret recipe source challenging the head chef's skills is intriguing and adds depth to the story. It creates conflict and drives character development.

Plot: 8

The plot advances as the mystery of the secret recipes is revealed, adding layers to the characters and their relationships. The conflict between the characters intensifies.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the culinary world, blending elements of tradition and secrecy with competition and pride. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and contribute to the overall atmosphere of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 7

The characters are well-defined, with the head chef's pride and the waitress's loyalty coming to the forefront. The mysterious old man adds an element of intrigue.

Character Changes: 6

The head chef's pride is challenged, and the waitress's loyalty is tested, but significant character changes are not fully realized in this scene.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to maintain his reputation as a skilled chef and keep his position of authority in the restaurant. This reflects his need for validation and recognition of his talent.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to maintain the status quo in the restaurant and ensure that the old man's recipes are not revealed to the public. This reflects the immediate challenge of balancing his own reputation with the legacy of the old man.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between the head chef and the waitress, as well as the mystery of the secret recipes, creates a tense atmosphere and drives the scene forward.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting motivations and power dynamics creating obstacles for the characters to overcome.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are raised as the head chef's reputation is on the line with the revelation of the secret recipes, adding tension and urgency to the scene.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by revealing crucial information about the secret recipes and deepening the conflict between the characters.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the conflicting motivations of the characters and the potential consequences of revealing the truth about the recipes.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between maintaining tradition and embracing change. Chef Sitterly wants to keep the old man's recipes a secret to maintain his own reputation, while Bona questions the ethics of hiding the truth from the customers.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

While there are moments of tension and pride, the emotional impact is not as pronounced in this scene compared to others in the screenplay.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is sharp and impactful, revealing the characters' motivations and emotions. It drives the conflict and tension in the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the tension between the characters, the mystery surrounding the old man's recipes, and the power dynamics within the restaurant.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged in the characters' interactions and conflicts.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene descriptions and character dialogue.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a dialogue-heavy restaurant setting, with clear character motivations and conflicts driving the action.


Critique
  • The scene lacks depth in character development and emotional impact. There is a missed opportunity to explore the dynamics between the characters and their motivations.
  • The dialogue feels forced and lacks authenticity, especially in the interactions between Sitterly and Bona. The conversation about the newspaper article comes across as contrived.
  • The conflict between Sitterly and Bona regarding the homeless violin player is not fully explored or resolved. It feels like a superficial conflict that is quickly brushed aside.
  • The scene could benefit from more visual storytelling to enhance the reader's understanding of the characters' emotions and relationships.
  • There is a lack of subtlety in the way Sitterly's character is portrayed as arrogant and dismissive. Adding more nuance to his personality would make him a more compelling antagonist.
Suggestions
  • Consider delving deeper into the characters' backstories and motivations to create more engaging interactions.
  • Rewrite the dialogue to make it more natural and reflective of the characters' personalities and relationships.
  • Explore the conflict between Sitterly and Bona regarding the homeless violin player in a more nuanced and meaningful way.
  • Incorporate visual cues and gestures to convey the characters' emotions and subtext effectively.
  • Add layers to Sitterly's character to make him a more complex and intriguing antagonist.



Scene 24 -  Seeking Sanctuary: A Birthday Dinner and Uncertain Futures
INT. OFFICE TOWN HALL - DAY

Mayor Jim bends over his desk, reading the New York Times.

JIM
Unbelievable.

He bends further as the camera for the second picture of the
restaurant exterior with Betrand, Kid and Polly on the steps
next door.



Created using Celtx
73.


JIM
I don't know why, but that child or
the man looks familiar...
(beat)
... from another picture?
(beat)
I forgot.



INT. CAFE - DAY

Private investigator at a table. Mobile telephone in his
hand. New York times folded on top of the table in front of
him.

PRIVATE INVESTIGATOR
(talking in his mobile)
Non monsieur. Pas trouvés...
(beat)
No, I haven't found him yet.
(beat)
Yes, we talked to the mayor. I never
heard anything back. But I spoke to a
homeless man, John, who thinks he
recognizes someone as the one you are
looking for. If he is the one, he is
living on the street. But he is not on
his own, so I doubt it is him. No, my
informant does not want to tell me his
whereabouts. These people protect each
other. A lot of them are illegal
immigrants. They won't betray one
another.
(beat)
Yes, yes.... We will offer money. Yes,
I will keep looking. We are getting
closer.

The private investigator puts his payment for coffee on the
table, gets up, puts the unread folded newspaper in his
pocket and leaves.

INT. BONA'S HOUSE - SIMPLE HOME KITCHEN - DAY

The kitchen is decorated. Betrand, Kid, Polly, Bona, little
Gina and miss Jefferson are in. The birthday dinner is
finished as the table shows half-filled dishes, bowls and
glasses with leftovers. Betrand at the kitchen table slowly
plays 'Happy Birthday to You'.



Created using Celtx
74.


As he stops Bona takes Betrand's hand long enough to feel
connected. Their eyes meet.

BONA
What a wonderful meal.

MISS JEFFERSON
I agree.

BONA
That's the best compliment you can
get. Granny is very critical when it
comes to food.

BETRAND
You always eat at the kitchen table?

MISS JEFFERSON
Always.

BETRAND
I like it.

MISS JEFFERSON
Why?

BETRAND
You can smell the cooking. Smell is an
important component. People
underestimate smell.

LITTLE GINA
Mom, can I show Kid my room?

BONA
Of course, darling. Show him your
present.

Bona leaves the kitchen, followed by Kid.

BETRAND
What is her present?

BONA
A toy synthesizer.

Bona gets up and closes the kitchen door behind Gina.

BONA
I bought it on the internet. I don't
want Gina to know it is second hand.


Created using Celtx
75.


I'd like her to think it is new. Her
wish is to play piano.

Betrand turns his eyes to the kitchen door.

BETRAND
Piano you said?

BONA
Piano, what's wrong with it?

BETRAND
It is... I don't want to confuse Kid.
It is... you know, his memories.

BONA
Memories about a piano?

BETRAND
I think he is okay... But you must
know: Kid lost a little sister who
played piano.

MISS JEFFERSON
Where?

BETRAND
In Mali.

MISS JEFFERSON
You care for the boy.

BETRAND
I think... Yes, I can say yes I do. He
is pure... and honest. Yes, he is
honest. And strong. He does not
condemn the world for what he went
through.

MISS JEFFERSON
He is a refugee?

BETRAND
Yes, he is. Once a refugee, always a
refugee. Always looking over his
shoulder... as if someone is still
after him. Could be, one never knows.
He says he comes from a very rich
family. His father was a leading
politician and businessman in his
country. That's what worries me. Life


Created using Celtx
76.


means nothing if people are after
money.

MISS JEFFERSON
Where do you come from?

BETRAND
France. But I lived in America for ten
years. My wife was American.

Bona tries not to show it, but she pays more attention.

MISS JEFFERSON
Your wife?

BETRAND
She died, three years ago.

BONA
I am sorry.

BETRAND
I miss her every day. These have been
three very lonely years.

Betrand's eyes are at Bona.

BETRAND (CONT'D)
So... it is a blessing when you meet
other nice people.

Bona looks away. Her body language show she takes Betrand's
words personal.

Betrand takes his violin and PLAYS

BETRAND
My wife loved this one...
(beat)
I could not play it for three years.

As Betrand stops playing.

BETRAND
And you?

BONA
What do you mean?

BETRAND
Where is Gina's father?


Created using Celtx
77.


BONA
Oh, far away. Out of our lives. Granny
practically saved me from him, five
years ago. We were happy to rent her
ground floor. However, from day one,
my boyfriend refused to pay the rent.
He'd rather spent money on other
things.

BETRAND
Drugs?

BONA
Yes, drugs. I am glad Granny
intervened.

BETRAND
Granny did?

BONA
She took all the legal steps to get
him out of the house because of his
rent debt. Once out of the house he
disappeared. Then Granny offered me a
new lease agreement. She saved my
life. And Gina's.

BETRAND
And now?

BONA
How do you mean, now?

BETRAND
You got a new boyfriend?

BONA
You mean Jim?

MISS JEFFERSON
That mayor. People make the same
mistakes over and over.

BONA
That's not fair, Granny. We don't know
him that well. Jim offered me a job. I
have to apply tomorrow.

BETRAND
He offered a job and you still have to
apply?


Created using Celtx
78.


BONA
To make it official, he says.

MISS JEFFERSON
And you, Betrand? What about your own
future?

BETRAND
I don't know. The street teaches you
to live day by day. Surprisingly I met
Kid. For the first time in three
years, I have something to look
forward to. I cannot allow him to live
on the street for the rest of his
life.

MISS JEFFERSON
You could find a job as a cook to help
him.

BONA
Your dinner was even better than the
La Vérité menu. Yes, better. But I
cannot put the difference into words.

BETRAND
I can. In La Vérité, the menu is a
copy from a letter, as you told me.
That's the difference. One can use the
same ingredients, but you cannot copy
love. Love for food, love for the
kitchen, love for the people you
serve.
Genres: ["Drama","Family","Mystery"]

Summary Mayor Jim, preoccupied with a photo he can't place, unknowingly brushes shoulders with the lives of Betrand, Kid, and Polly. Meanwhile, a private investigator, following leads on a missing person, comes closer to the trio. Back at Bona's house, a birthday dinner for Gina is in full swing. As Betrand plays 'Happy Birthday' on his violin, Bona reveals her plans to take a job offered by Mayor Jim, sparking a conflict with Miss Jefferson. The scene explores themes of loss, resilience, and finding hope amidst adversity, as Betrand grapples with his desire to help Kid, a refugee, and Bona faces the weight of her past. The intimate gathering highlights the contrast between the warmth of Bona's home and the uncertainty that lingers over their futures.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Natural dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Lack of external conflict
  • Slow pacing in some parts

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is emotionally engaging, with well-developed characters and meaningful dialogue that drives the story forward.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring personal histories and connections through shared meals is well-executed and adds depth to the characters.

Plot: 7

The plot progresses through character interactions and revelations, setting up potential conflicts and resolutions.

Originality: 9

The scene demonstrates a high level of originality through its exploration of themes like loss, belonging, and the importance of emotional connections. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are complex and relatable, each with their own emotional baggage and motivations that drive their actions.

Character Changes: 7

The characters show vulnerability and growth through their interactions, especially Betrand and Bona.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to find a sense of belonging and purpose after experiencing loss and loneliness. This is reflected in Betrand's interactions with Kid and his emotional connection to music and memories.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to navigate relationships and potential job opportunities, particularly with the mayor and Bona. This reflects the immediate circumstances and challenges they are facing in their lives.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

The conflict is more internal and emotional, focusing on the characters' struggles and past traumas.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create tension and conflict, particularly in the interactions between characters with differing beliefs and values. The audience is left unsure of how these conflicts will be resolved.

High Stakes: 5

The stakes are more personal and emotional, focusing on the characters' inner struggles and relationships.

Story Forward: 7

The scene deepens the characters' relationships and sets up potential conflicts and resolutions for future developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected revelations about the characters' pasts, the subtle conflicts between them, and the potential for future developments in their relationships and goals.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the contrast between material wealth and emotional fulfillment, as seen in Betrand's reflections on money, love, and relationships. This challenges his beliefs about what truly matters in life.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions through the characters' vulnerabilities and shared experiences.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is natural and reveals important information about the characters' pasts and current dilemmas.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the emotional depth of the characters, the subtle conflicts and tensions between them, and the gradual reveal of important information about their pasts and motivations.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and emotional depth, with a balance of dialogue, action, and introspection. It contributes to the scene's effectiveness by allowing for moments of reflection and connection between characters.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and easy to follow, with distinct locations and character actions. It follows the expected format for its genre.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows a natural progression of character interactions and reveals important information about the protagonists' goals and motivations. It adheres to the expected format for its genre.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear focus and direction, jumping between different conversations and topics without a cohesive thread.
  • The dialogue feels forced and unnatural at times, with characters sharing personal information in a way that doesn't flow organically.
  • There is a lack of subtlety in the interactions between the characters, with emotions and intentions being spelled out rather than implied.
  • The scene is heavy on exposition, with characters sharing backstory and information in a way that feels contrived.
  • The transitions between locations and conversations are abrupt and disjointed, making it difficult for the audience to follow the narrative.
Suggestions
  • Focus on developing a central conflict or theme for the scene to revolve around, providing a clear direction for the interactions between characters.
  • Work on making the dialogue more natural and realistic, allowing the characters to speak in a way that feels authentic to their personalities.
  • Introduce more subtlety in the character interactions, allowing emotions and intentions to be conveyed through actions and subtext rather than explicit statements.
  • Find ways to integrate exposition more seamlessly into the dialogue, revealing backstory and information in a way that feels organic to the conversation.
  • Improve the transitions between locations and conversations to create a smoother flow of the scene, helping the audience to stay engaged and follow the narrative.



Scene 25 -  A Temporary Haven
EXT. SHOPPING DISTRICT - NIGHT

Betrand, Polly and Kid walk back home to their place.
Betrand's hand rests fatherly on Kid's shoulder.

KID
What a nice day.

BETRAND
I agree.

KID
She loves you.

BETRAND
Who? Granny?



Created using Celtx
79.


KID
No, Bona. She is from Italy.

BETRAND
I know. And you be careful you don't
fall in love with the daughter.

KID
Too young. I taught her to play her
synthesizer.

BETRAND
Without problems with your memories?

KID
I told her about my sister. From then
on it was easier.

BETRAND
It helps talking about things you hid
from yourself for a long time. It
opens your heart. And then it is
easier to look forward.

KID
You are right. I think I'd like to go
to school now.

BETRAND
That's better. Monday I have an
appointment with a social worker about
school.

KID
You must not tell people where I come
from. America hunts people from other
countries.

BETRAND
Indeed, we must be careful.

Betrand, Polly and Kid approach La Vérité and the alley to
their sleeping place. Homeless John is waiting for them.

BETRAND
John?

HOMELESS JOHN
I have to ask you for a favor.




Created using Celtx
80.


BETRAND
Tell me.

HOMELESS JOHN
I know you keep your shelter secret,
but can you help me with a sleeping
place?

BETRAND
Why?

HOMELESS JOHN
I lost mine.

BETRAND
How?

HOMELESS JOHN
They are cleaning up the park, because
of a hot shot from France visiting.
And the French ambassador. You know,
we don't fit the picture, man. It's a
wonder they did not chase you off.

BETRAND
Why did you come to me?

HOMELESS JOHN
You owe me.

BETRAND
I don't owe you anything, John.

HOMELESS JOHN
I found your young friend, man.

BETRAND
You found..?
(beat)
...Euh... ...well, okay. You can stay
for say, fifteen days. Half a month.
First because I trust you are clean,
and second, you must have to swear you
never tell anyone where you slept.

HOMELESS JOHN
I swear.

BETRAND
I had no doubt you would. Okay, let's
celebrate.


Created using Celtx
81.


Carefully, without being seen, they enter the alley.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary Betrand, Polly, and Kid walk home after a day filled with hope, Kid excited about starting school. John, a homeless man, approaches, seeking shelter after losing his spot due to city clean-up. Betrand, initially reluctant, is moved by John's revelation that he found Kid, making him feel indebted. He agrees to let John stay for two weeks, finding a temporary haven for himself and his newfound family.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Exploration of themes of trust and compassion
Weaknesses
  • Lack of intense conflict
  • Limited external action

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively conveys the caring relationship between Betrand and Kid, as well as the tension of keeping secrets and the cautious approach to helping others. The emotional depth and character development are strong.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of providing shelter to a homeless man while maintaining secrecy adds depth to Betrand's character and explores themes of trust and compassion.

Plot: 7

The plot focuses on Betrand's interactions with Kid and Homeless John, showcasing his caring nature and willingness to help those in need. The scene moves the story forward by deepening the bond between characters.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh perspective on homelessness and the challenges faced by marginalized individuals, with authentic dialogue and character interactions.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters, especially Betrand, Kid, and Homeless John, are well-developed and show depth through their interactions and dialogue. Betrand's fatherly care and Homeless John's plea for help add emotional depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 7

Betrand's character shows growth through his willingness to help others and his fatherly care for Kid. The scene deepens his character arc and showcases his compassionate nature.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to open up emotionally and connect with others, as seen in Kid's conversation with Betrand about his memories and desire to go to school.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to find a safe sleeping place for Homeless John, reflecting the immediate challenge of homelessness and the need for trust and secrecy.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

While there is a subtle conflict in the scene regarding the decision to help Homeless John and the need for secrecy, the overall tone is more focused on care and compassion.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, as Betrand faces a moral dilemma and the characters must navigate the challenges of homelessness and trust.

High Stakes: 5

While there is a sense of urgency in providing shelter for Homeless John and maintaining secrecy, the stakes are not extremely high in this particular scene.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by deepening the bond between characters and introducing a new element with Homeless John's request for help. It sets the stage for further character development and plot progression.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected request from Homeless John and the moral dilemma faced by Betrand.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict revolves around the themes of trust, loyalty, and the consequences of revealing secrets. It challenges the protagonist's beliefs about helping others while maintaining their own safety.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact due to the caring relationship between Betrand and Kid, as well as the plea for help from Homeless John. The themes of trust and compassion evoke strong emotions in the audience.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue effectively conveys the caring relationship between Betrand and Kid, as well as the tension surrounding the request for help from Homeless John. The dialogue enhances character development and emotional impact.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the emotional depth of the characters, the tension of the situation, and the sense of camaraderie among the group.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by balancing dialogue with action, creating tension and emotional resonance.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with proper scene headings and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear sense of direction or purpose, with the conversation between Betrand and Kid feeling disjointed and lacking in depth.
  • The dialogue between Betrand and Kid feels forced and unnatural, with abrupt shifts in topic that don't flow smoothly.
  • There is a missed opportunity to delve deeper into Kid's backstory and his feelings about his past and his future.
  • The interaction between Betrand and Kid could benefit from more emotional depth and character development to make the scene more engaging and impactful.
  • The scene could be improved by adding more context and background information to enhance the audience's understanding of the characters and their motivations.
Suggestions
  • Consider restructuring the dialogue to create a more coherent and engaging conversation between Betrand and Kid.
  • Add more emotional depth to the interaction between Betrand and Kid by exploring Kid's feelings about his past and his desire to go to school.
  • Provide more context and background information to help the audience connect with the characters and understand their motivations.
  • Focus on developing the relationship between Betrand and Kid to make the scene more meaningful and impactful.
  • Consider incorporating elements of foreshadowing or character development to add depth and complexity to the scene.



Scene 26 -  A Job Offer and a Lecherous Gaze
EXT. HIDEAWAY AT THE BACK OF THE RESTAURANT - NIGHT

HOMELESS JOHN
Tssss, wonderful.

Betrand, like a waiter, puts a towel over his arm, and covers
the table.

BETRAND
Can we serve you, sir?

HOMELESS JOHN
You're crazy, man.

BETRAND
(to Kid)
See if you can find the gentleman a
dinner, sir.

Kid disappears behind the fence to come back with food and a
bottle. Betrand takes the bottle.

BETRAND
Well done.
(to Homeless John)
Would our guest like a starter? Maybe
an apéritif.

Betrand pours the drink.

INT. OFFICE TOWN HALL - DAY

Mayor Jim takes Bona's arm to lead her out of the office into
the corridor to the elevator. He will take Bona to the OFFICE
MANAGER HOWARD.

JIM
I'll take you to the office manager.
You have to follow the rules and
apply. Don't worry. I told him to give
you the job anyhow.

Jim and Bona get into the elevator. Once the doors are
closed, Jim kisses Bona roughly. She is unpleasantly
surprised and tries to remain distant.

BONA
Not now, Jim. Not here.



Created using Celtx
82.


JIM
This will be our secret place, Bona.
Once you are my secretary.

The lift stops. Doors open. Jim leads Bona out without
leaving the elevator himself. He peeps around the corner
before leaving, sees how Bona walks up to Office Manager
Howard sitting behind his desk.

JIM
Your applicant, Howard.

Lift doors close. Lights show the lift is going up.

HOWARD
I knew Jim had good taste.

BONA
(recalcitrant)
Does he?

HOWARD
So, you are his next secretary. I
think we have to fill in a few forms.
You are Italian? You read English?

BONA
If you will be so kind to give me the
documents, I'll take them home.

HOWARD
Why? Take your time and fill in the
forms here. You know as well as I it
is a formality.

BONA
I'd rather take them home. To read
first.

HOWARD
You don't want to know what your
salary will be?

BONA
Later.

HOWARD
Okay, your choice.

Office Manager Howard opens the desk drawers, takes documents
out of it and hands them to Bona.


Created using Celtx
83.


As Bona walks back to the lift, Howards eyes are on Bona's
bottom.
Genres: ["Drama","Romance"]

Summary Betrand, pretending to be a waiter, serves a homeless man in a darkly lit alley. Later, Mayor Jim attempts to secure a job for Bona at Town Hall by instructing the office manager, Howard, to give her the position. Bona, feeling uncomfortable with Jim's unwanted advances, refuses to fill out the application form immediately, preferring to take it home. As Bona leaves the office, Howard lecherously stares at her, leaving a sense of unresolved tension and potential for future conflict.
Strengths
  • Well-defined characters
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Intriguing dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Lack of major character development
  • Limited action

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively blends romance and professional interactions, creating tension and intrigue. The dialogue is engaging, and the characters' dynamics are well-developed.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a potential office romance between Mayor Jim and Bona adds depth to the scene. The power dynamics and the hint of secrecy enhance the overall concept.

Plot: 7

The plot focuses on Bona's job offer and the subtle advances from Mayor Jim, adding layers to the storyline. The introduction of potential conflict and romance drives the plot forward.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces unique situations and fresh approaches to familiar themes of power and control. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds depth and complexity to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Mayor Jim and Bona are well-defined, with clear motivations and dynamics. Their interactions are engaging and add depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 6

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, there is a subtle shift in the dynamics between Mayor Jim and Bona as their relationship evolves.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to navigate the power dynamics and expectations placed upon them in their respective environments. Homeless John may desire acceptance and dignity, while Bona may be grappling with the implications of accepting a job offer from a powerful figure.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to make decisions that will impact their future - whether to accept a meal from the waiter or a job offer from the mayor. These decisions reflect the immediate circumstances and challenges they are facing in their respective situations.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

There is a subtle conflict in the scene, mainly revolving around the power dynamics between Mayor Jim and Bona. The tension adds intrigue to the interaction.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with characters facing difficult decisions and power struggles that challenge their beliefs and values. The audience is left wondering how the conflicts will be resolved.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes are moderate in this scene, mainly revolving around Bona's job offer and the potential romantic entanglement with Mayor Jim. The outcome could impact their professional and personal lives.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing new dynamics between the characters and setting up potential conflicts and developments. It adds depth to the overall narrative.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in character interactions and decisions. The audience is kept on their toes, unsure of how the power dynamics will play out.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

There is a philosophical conflict evident in this scene between the themes of power, control, and manipulation. The interactions between the characters challenge their beliefs, values, and worldviews, particularly in relation to authority and autonomy.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a mix of emotions, from professional tension to romantic intrigue. The characters' interactions create a sense of anticipation and curiosity.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is well-crafted, with a mix of professional and romantic tones. It effectively conveys the characters' emotions and intentions.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its tension-filled interactions, sharp dialogue, and intriguing character dynamics. The audience is drawn into the unfolding drama and the characters' decisions.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and suspense, allowing for moments of reflection and character introspection, and maintaining a sense of momentum.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character dialogue that enhance the visual storytelling.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, effectively transitioning between contrasting environments and character interactions.


Critique
  • The scene lacks clear direction and purpose, as it transitions abruptly from Betrand serving a homeless man to Mayor Jim leading Bona to the office manager.
  • The dialogue between Betrand and Homeless John feels forced and lacks depth, making the interaction seem unrealistic.
  • The interaction between Mayor Jim and Bona in the elevator is uncomfortable and lacks subtlety, making the scene feel awkward and out of place.
  • There is a lack of emotional depth and character development in the scene, making it difficult for the audience to connect with the characters and their motivations.
  • The scene lacks visual descriptions and sensory details, failing to create a vivid and engaging setting for the audience.
Suggestions
  • Clarify the purpose of the scene and ensure that each interaction serves a clear narrative or character development goal.
  • Revise the dialogue between Betrand and Homeless John to make it more authentic and meaningful, adding depth to their relationship.
  • Refine the interaction between Mayor Jim and Bona to make it more nuanced and realistic, focusing on subtlety and character dynamics.
  • Add emotional depth and complexity to the characters' interactions, allowing the audience to connect with their struggles and motivations.
  • Enhance the scene with vivid visual descriptions and sensory details to create a more immersive and engaging setting for the audience.



Scene 27 -  Hidden in Plain Sight: A Search for Education and a Homeless Man
EXT. SHOPPING DISTRICT - RESTAURANT - TWILIGHT

Betrand hands Kid a brown envelope. Kid puts the envelope in
La Vérité's letterbox.

From the opposite side of the street, two uniformed POLICEMEN
are watching Betrand. They see how Kid works in books and
notebooks and how Betrand teaches and explains subjects.

It is getting darker. Betrand, Polly and Kid make ready to
leave.

EXT. HIDEAWAY AT THE BACK OF THE RESTAURANT - MORNING

Betrand does not notice and he gets out of bed.

BETRAND
You will be here tonight John?

HOMELESS JOHN
Of course. Why?

BETRAND
I would like you to look after Kid and
Polly. I'm going to speak to a social
worker about Kid's education.

HOMELESS JOHN
The Kid is illegal, man.

BETRAND
I have to find a way.

EXT. PARK - DAY

Private investigator talks with a STREET WORKER, who is
cleaning the park. There are no homeless people anymore.

PRIVATE INVESTIGATOR
Where is everybody?

STREET WORKER
Everybody? Who do you mean?

PRIVATE INVESTIGATOR
The people who sleep here.




Created using Celtx
84.


STREET WORKER
The junks.

PRIVATE INVESTIGATOR
They are not all junks. I am looking
for a big man called John.

STREET WORKER
Why?

PRIVATE INVESTIGATOR
He knows someone we are after.

Private investigator shows his license.

STREET WORKER
Bail Enforcement Agent? A bounty
hunter?

PRIVATE INVESTIGATOR
Yes, indeed.

STREET WORKER
Who are you after?

Private investigator shows picture.

STREET WORKER
A terrorist?

PRIVATE INVESTIGATOR
Never seen him?

STREET WORKER
Could be. Could be he sleeps in the
park. I just don't know.

PRIVATE INVESTIGATOR
Sleep here? If he does he also left.
Why?

STREET WORKER
The mayor's got visitors from Paris
and the French ambassador. Our mayor
wants a clean environment.
Genres: ["Drama","Mystery","Thriller"]

Summary Betrand, worried about Kid's education, discreetly drops off an envelope at La Vérité with help from Kid. Meanwhile, a private investigator struggles to find Homeless John, who has been displaced from the park by the mayor's visitors. The scene highlights Betrand's determination to find a solution for Kid's future, while the private investigator faces an unexpected obstacle in his search for Homeless John, emphasizing the precarious lives of those living on the streets.
Strengths
  • Intriguing concept
  • Well-developed characters
  • Tension and suspense
Weaknesses
  • Dialogue could be more nuanced
  • Character changes are minimal

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively builds suspense and mystery through the introduction of the private investigator and the police surveillance. It also provides insight into the challenges faced by homeless individuals, adding depth to the narrative.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the private investigator searching for a missing person in the context of a homeless community is intriguing and adds a layer of complexity to the story. The scene effectively explores themes of survival and the search for identity.

Plot: 7

The plot advances through the introduction of the private investigator and the unfolding mystery surrounding the missing person. The interactions between the characters, particularly Betrand, Kid, and John, add depth to the narrative.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces unique characters and situations, such as the homeless man John and the private investigator, adding authenticity and depth to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters, especially Betrand, Kid, and John, are well-developed and their interactions reveal their struggles and motivations. The private investigator adds a new dimension to the character dynamics.

Character Changes: 6

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the interactions between the characters reveal their motivations and struggles, adding depth to their personalities.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to ensure the safety and well-being of Kid and Polly, despite facing challenges related to Kid's education and legal status. This reflects Bertrand's desire to protect and care for those close to him.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to find a way to address Kid's education and legal status, which involves speaking to a social worker and potentially dealing with law enforcement.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between the private investigator's search for the missing person and the homeless characters' struggles adds tension and intrigue to the scene. The presence of the police watching Betrand raises the stakes and creates a sense of danger.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting interests, moral dilemmas, and external challenges that create tension and uncertainty for the protagonist.

High Stakes: 7

The high stakes are established through the presence of the police watching Betrand and the mystery surrounding the missing person. The characters' survival and well-being are at risk, adding tension to the scene.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing the private investigator and the mystery surrounding the missing person. The interactions between the characters provide insight into their lives and motivations, advancing the narrative.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected interactions between characters, the shifting power dynamics, and the uncertain outcomes of the protagonist's actions.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict revolves around the moral and ethical implications of caring for a child in difficult circumstances, as well as the challenges of navigating legal and social systems.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a sense of empathy for the homeless characters and their challenges. The mystery surrounding the missing person adds suspense and intrigue, engaging the audience emotionally.

Dialogue: 6

The dialogue is functional and serves to move the plot forward. It effectively conveys the characters' emotions and motivations, but could benefit from more depth and complexity.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its suspenseful atmosphere, complex character dynamics, and moral dilemmas that keep the audience invested in the story.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a balance of dialogue, action, and description that maintains tension and momentum throughout.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows standard formatting conventions for its genre, making it easy to follow and understand.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with distinct locations and character interactions, contributing to the overall narrative flow.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear focus and direction, jumping between different locations and characters without a strong connection.
  • The interaction between Betrand, Kid, and the policemen feels disjointed and doesn't lead to a clear resolution or development of the plot.
  • The dialogue between the private investigator and the street worker feels forced and doesn't add much to the overall story.
  • There is a lack of emotional depth and character development in this scene, making it feel disconnected from the rest of the script.
  • The transition between the shopping district, the hideaway, and the park is abrupt and doesn't flow smoothly.
Suggestions
  • Consider focusing on one specific storyline or character arc in this scene to create a more cohesive narrative.
  • Develop the interaction between Betrand, Kid, and the policemen to add tension and drive the plot forward.
  • Explore the emotional impact of Kid's situation as an illegal immigrant and Betrand's determination to help him to create a more engaging and meaningful scene.
  • Provide more context and background information to help the audience understand the significance of the interactions between the characters.
  • Work on creating a smoother transition between different locations and scenes to improve the overall flow of the screenplay.



Scene 28 -  Escape from the Alley
EXT. SHOPPING DISTRICT - RESTAURANT - NIGHT

Betrand hands his violin carefully to Kid who stands beside
with Polly. Homeless John is also there.



Created using Celtx
85.


BETRAND
Careful.

Chef Sitterly approaches from the restaurant. He looks
stressed.

SITTERLY
Still there? I called the police. And
ICE.
(Pointing at Kid)
He is illegal. You can see on his
face. Let him go back where he came
from.

Betrand totally ignores Sitterly.

BETRAND
(to John)
You, look after Kid and Polly tonight.

As Sitterly leaves and is at a distance:

BETRAND
Let no one see you disappear into our
hiding place.

Betrand leaves without his violin.

POLLY
Woahh...

EXT. SHOPPING DISTRICT - RESTAURANT - NIGHT

John looks around and as no one is around, he pushes Kid into
the alley.

INT. HIDING PLACE - CONTINUOUS

HOMELESS JOHN
Where do you come from?

KID
Mali.

HOMELESS JOHN
Aah, black Mali. Black women Mali.

KID
What do you mean, John?

John starts to dance. He starts swinging and his moves get


Created using Celtx
86.


erotic. Slowly he starts to sing, too.

KID
Ssst John. The chef could hear you.

John's dance get more obscene.

HOMELESS JOHN
(sings)
Hé Betrand.., hé Betrand.., nice
Betrand is out..., nice Betrand is
out.. His Milanese lady is at home.

KID
(en Francais)
Sssst... Arrêtez. Soyez silenceux..,
le chef vous entend, stupid!

John looks around him. There is no chef at all. He gets angry
and roughly grabs Kid's arm while he keeps dancing.

HOMELESS JOHN
Arrêtez, Arrêtez? What does that mean,
you black, motherfucking whore?

Kid starts kicking and scratching without making a sound.
Polly growls.

John pulls the Kid on his lap.

HOMELESS JOHN
You don't understand. You Milanese
whore. Betrand is my best friend. He
will not keep you for himself.

John's hand goes into Kid's trousers.

Fighting, Kid sticks his fingers in John's eye, giving him a
moment to free himself and flee.

As Kid runs through the alley, back to the street, Polly
follows. At the end of the alley, Polly does not know what to
do. Stay or follow? The little dog decides to stay,
apparently waiting for Betrand. Kid disappears into the
distance.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary After receiving a violin from Betrand, Kid and Polly are left in the care of Homeless John. Despite Chef Sitterly's concerns, Betrand ignores him and leaves. John's inappropriate behavior turns threatening, prompting Kid to fight back and escape with Polly into the night.
Strengths
  • Intense atmosphere
  • Compelling concept
  • Well-developed characters
  • High stakes
  • Tension and suspense
Weaknesses
  • Potentially disturbing content
  • Complex themes

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively builds tension and suspense, drawing the audience into the dangerous world of the characters. The dark tone and intense emotions keep the viewers engaged and eager to see what unfolds next.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring the hidden lives of homeless individuals, illegal immigrants, and the dangers they face is compelling and adds depth to the narrative. The scene effectively portrays the harsh realities of survival and betrayal in a gripping manner.

Plot: 7

The plot advances as the characters navigate through dangerous situations and face threats from various sources. The conflict and tension drive the story forward, keeping the audience on edge.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces unique characters and situations, with authentic dialogue and actions that feel true to life.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-developed and their struggles and motivations are clearly portrayed. Each character's actions and reactions add depth to the scene, enhancing the overall tension and emotional impact.

Character Changes: 7

The character of Kid undergoes a moment of realization and defiance, standing up to Homeless John and asserting his independence. This moment of growth adds depth to Kid's character.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to protect Kid and Polly from harm and ensure their safety in a hostile environment.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to navigate the challenges presented by the chef and ensure Kid and Polly's escape.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is high, with characters facing threats from multiple sources and navigating dangerous situations. The tension and suspense are palpable, keeping the audience on edge.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting motivations and power dynamics creating uncertainty and suspense.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in the scene, with characters facing threats to their safety, livelihood, and relationships. The danger and uncertainty add tension and suspense, keeping the audience on edge.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing new conflicts, deepening character relationships, and setting the stage for future developments. It keeps the audience engaged and eager to see what happens next.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected actions of the characters and the shifting power dynamics.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict revolves around themes of friendship, loyalty, and betrayal. It challenges the protagonist's beliefs in trust and loyalty.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes fear, anger, and confusion in the audience, drawing them into the characters' struggles and emotions. The intense atmosphere and high stakes contribute to the emotional impact.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue effectively conveys the characters' emotions, fears, and motivations. It adds to the tension and suspense of the scene, keeping the audience engaged.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its intense conflict, suspenseful action, and emotional stakes.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene builds tension effectively, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the outcome.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 7

The scene follows standard formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings and character actions.

Structure: 7

The scene follows a coherent structure with clear character motivations and actions.


Critique
  • The scene lacks clarity in terms of the characters' motivations and actions. It is unclear why Betrand hands his violin to Kid and instructs Homeless John to look after Kid and Polly. The sudden appearance of Chef Sitterly and his accusations towards Kid being illegal feel forced and out of place.
  • The dialogue between Homeless John and Kid takes a strange turn with John's inappropriate behavior and language. This shift in tone is jarring and does not align with the established characters' personalities.
  • The scene lacks a clear resolution or development of the conflict introduced by Chef Sitterly's accusations. The tension between the characters is not effectively resolved or built upon, leaving the audience with unanswered questions.
  • The actions of the characters, especially Homeless John, feel exaggerated and unrealistic. The sudden escalation of the conflict and the inappropriate behavior detract from the overall narrative and character development.
  • The scene lacks subtlety and nuance in portraying the dynamics between the characters. The interactions feel forced and do not contribute meaningfully to the overall story.
Suggestions
  • Clarify the characters' motivations and actions to ensure they are consistent with their established traits and the overall narrative.
  • Reconsider the dialogue between Homeless John and Kid to maintain a more appropriate and realistic tone that aligns with the characters' personalities.
  • Provide a more satisfying resolution to the conflict introduced by Chef Sitterly's accusations, allowing for a meaningful progression of the storyline.
  • Tone down the exaggerated actions of the characters, particularly Homeless John, to maintain a sense of realism and coherence within the scene.
  • Focus on subtlety and nuance in portraying the dynamics between the characters, ensuring that interactions feel authentic and contribute effectively to the overall narrative.



Scene 29 -  Betrand's Fury
INT. HIDING PLACE - LATER

Later in the evening, Betrand returns. At the entrance of the
alley, Polly waits.



Created using Celtx
87.


BETRAND
What's wrong, Polly?

Polly wants to enter the alley quickly to tell in his own way
that something happened.

INT. HIDING PLACE - CONTINUOUS

It is dark, not much to see.

BETRAND
Where is Kid?

HOMELESS JOHN
I don't know.

Polly growls at Homeless John.

BETRAND
Where is he?

HOMELESS JOHN
Why worry about that Kid, man?

BETRAND
What did you do?

HOMELESS JOHN
Me?

BETRAND
Yes, tell me. What happened?

HOMELESS JOHN
Nothing. The Kid said goodbye and
walked away. You know these niggers.
Never...

In the candle light and light from the kitchen window,
Betrand sees the scratches on John's hand. Betrand grabs his
hand with force.

BETRAND
What is this?

HOMELESS JOHN
My hand.

Betrand roughly pulls John closer.




Created using Celtx
88.


BETRAND
Show me your face.
(beat)
You have been bleeding. What happened,
John?

HOMELESS JOHN
(like crying)
That cheeky Kid.

BETRAND
Speak.

HOMELESS JOHN
I did not want to tell you.

BETRAND
Speak out!

HOMELESS JOHN
He is your friend, man.

Betrand makes a threatening movement with his free hand.

HOMELESS JOHN (CONT'D)
Okay. You asked for it. That dirty
little cheat took my wallet, man.

Polly growls even louder.

Betrand pushes John away from him.

BETRAND
I bet you never had a wallet...
(beat)
Go away...

HOMELESS JOHN
I tell you...

BETRAND
Leave... before I beat the hell out of
you.

John starts taking his few belongings.

BETRAND
Hurry up.




Created using Celtx
89.


HOMELESS JOHN
(mumbling)
One of these black parasites, man.

BETRAND
Faster.

John leaves, swearing. After he's gone:

BETRAND
(to Polly)
Come. We will find the Kid. He cannot
be far.
Genres: ["Drama","Mystery"]

Summary Betrand, enraged by Kid's disappearance, confronts Homeless John in their hiding place. Despite John's claims of Kid's departure, Betrand notices injuries on John's hand and forces him to admit to stealing Kid's wallet. Furious, Betrand kicks John out, vowing to find Kid. Polly, the dog, witnesses the confrontation with a growl and bark, seemingly siding with Betrand.
Strengths
  • Intense conflict
  • Emotional depth
  • Suspenseful atmosphere
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue may be overly dramatic or cliché

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is intense, emotional, and filled with suspense, keeping the audience engaged and curious about the unfolding events.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a missing character and the subsequent revelations of betrayal and deceit create a compelling narrative that drives the scene forward.

Plot: 8

The plot is intricate and full of tension, with the mystery of the missing character adding layers of complexity to the story.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on themes of loyalty, betrayal, and survival in a gritty urban setting. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and contribute to the authenticity of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 7

The characters are well-developed and their interactions reveal their motivations and relationships, adding depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 7

The characters undergo emotional turmoil and revelations that lead to changes in their relationships and dynamics.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to uncover the truth about what happened to their friend, Kid. This reflects their loyalty and protective instincts towards their friend, as well as their need for justice and closure.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to find Kid and confront him about the situation. This reflects the immediate challenge of resolving the conflict and seeking answers.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between the characters, especially regarding the missing character and the revelations of betrayal, is intense and drives the scene forward.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting motivations and hidden agendas among the characters. The audience is left uncertain about the outcome, adding to the suspense.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high as the characters grapple with the aftermath of a mysterious event and confrontations that could change their relationships and lives.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by revealing crucial information about the missing character and the conflicts between the remaining characters.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected betrayal by Kid and the tense confrontation between Betrand and Homeless John. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how the situation will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

There is a philosophical conflict between loyalty and betrayal evident in this scene. The protagonist's belief in friendship and trust is challenged by the betrayal of their friend, Kid, and the dishonesty of Homeless John.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The emotional impact of the scene is high, with tension, suspense, and emotional confrontations keeping the audience engaged.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is tense and confrontational, effectively conveying the emotions and conflicts between the characters.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the high emotional stakes, intense conflict, and moral dilemmas faced by the characters. The dialogue and actions keep the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and suspense, with a gradual escalation of conflict and emotional intensity. The rhythm of the dialogue and actions keeps the scene engaging.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and easy to follow, with concise descriptions and dialogue cues. The scene is well-paced and visually engaging.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a traditional format for a dramatic confrontation, with escalating tension and emotional stakes. The dialogue and actions flow naturally, building towards a climax.


Critique
  • The scene lacks clarity in terms of the actions and motivations of the characters. The dialogue between Betrand and Homeless John is somewhat vague and could be more direct to convey the tension and conflict effectively.
  • There is a lack of emotional depth in the scene, especially considering the revelation that Kid stole John's wallet. The emotional impact of this revelation could be explored further to add depth to the characters and their relationships.
  • The scene could benefit from more visual descriptions to create a clearer picture of the setting and the characters' actions. Adding details about the lighting, surroundings, and character movements could enhance the overall atmosphere of the scene.
  • The interaction between Betrand and Homeless John could be more intense and dramatic to heighten the conflict and suspense. Building up the tension through the dialogue and character interactions would make the scene more engaging for the audience.
  • The resolution of the conflict between Betrand and Homeless John feels rushed and lacks a satisfying conclusion. Exploring the aftermath of the confrontation and its impact on the characters could add depth to the scene.
Suggestions
  • Clarify the dialogue between Betrand and Homeless John to make their motivations and actions more explicit.
  • Explore the emotional repercussions of Kid stealing John's wallet to add depth to the characters and their relationships.
  • Enhance the visual descriptions of the scene to create a more vivid and immersive setting for the audience.
  • Increase the intensity and drama of the interaction between Betrand and Homeless John to heighten the conflict and suspense.
  • Develop the resolution of the conflict between Betrand and Homeless John to provide a more satisfying conclusion and explore the aftermath of their confrontation.



Scene 30 -  The Mayor's Suspicion
EXT. MONTAGE: PARK, METRO, STREET - NIGHT

Montage shows Betrand and Polly are looking for Kid at
different places:

- Betrand and Polly walk up to the park where they found Kid
the first time. The park is empty.

- Betrand looks around at the entrance of the metro and the
big shops. Places where homeless people use to sleep. Every
now and then Betrand asks other people.

- Betrand and Polly walk 'home' through a streets with
Christmas decorations, but as the lights are down, without
the cozy Christmas atmosphere. Instead it is unreal. There is
a mass of urban waste on the floor with trampled Christmas
decorations, empty toy packaging, dirty plastic shopping bags
with Christmas prints on the street. Betrand steps over a
dirty, damaged Father Christmas doll in the gutter.

INT. ALLEY AND HIDING PLACE - DAWN

Betrand and Polly return at the break of a new day.

BETRAND
(to Polly)
We have to take a break, Polly.

POLLY
Whoo...

BETRAND
Yes, we go after him again, this
afternoon. As soon as we get a few
hours sleep.




Created using Celtx
90.


INT. ALLEY AND HIDING PLACE - DAY

BETRAND
Polly, wake up. I got an idea.

EXT. BONA'S HOUSE - SIMPLE NEIGHBORHOOD - DAY

Betrand and Polly get close to Bona's house. There are simple
Christmas decorations at the front door. Betrand and Polly
see the black car with Mayor Jim stopping in front of it.

Jim gets out of the car to greet Bona with a kiss as she
leaves the house. At the moment Jim opens the car door for
Bona, she notices Betrand opposite the street.

Instead of getting in the car, she waves Betrand to come.
Betrand crosses the street.

BONA
Hello.

JIM
Who is he?

BONA
(to Betrand)
What is wrong?

BETRAND
Kid has gone.

BONA
Gone?

JIM
Can anybody tell me who he is?

BONA
A friend.

Betrand introduces himself with a handshake, but hardly
focussed on the Mayor himself.

BONA
Where is he?

BETRAND
I don't know. I thought, maybe he
would come up to you. That is why I am
here. If... just to say, if he comes,
tell him I understand. What ever


Created using Celtx
91.


happened, I trust him. Tell Kid I know
John is not a nice man.

JIM
Who is Kid?

BONA
His twelve year old friend.

Betrand is about to leave.

BONA
(to Betrand)
Can I be of any help?

BETRAND
No, no. I have to do this myself.

JIM
Leave him. Can we go?

BONA
Sorry, Jim has a meeting.

BETRAND
It's okay. I just wanted to let you
know.

Betrand leaves.

JIM
Who is that man? He has a twelve year
old friend?

BONA
He looks after a young refugee.

JIM
Not illegal, I hope.

BONA
Sometimes it seems like you have no
idea about how people live in your
city. What people have to deal with.

JIM
I know that man.

BONA
He earns his money playing the violin
next to La Vérité.


Created using Celtx
92.


JIM
Maybe that's why. I just don't
remember. Get in the car, it's
starting to rain.
Genres: ["Drama","Mystery"]

Summary After a sleepless night searching for Kid, Betrand and Polly seek help from Bona. Their hope is dashed when Mayor Jim arrives, immediately suspicious of Betrand. Bona defends Betrand, explaining his situation, but Jim remains unconvinced. The scene ends with Jim and Bona leaving together, leaving Betrand alone and determined to find Kid.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Mystery elements
  • Character development
Weaknesses
  • Some pacing issues
  • Minor inconsistencies in character motivations

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively combines emotional depth with a sense of mystery, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the characters' journeys.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of searching for a lost friend in the backdrop of a city filled with complexities and hidden stories is compelling and well-executed.

Plot: 7

The plot unfolds organically, revealing layers of emotion and intrigue as the characters navigate their relationships and personal struggles.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on urban life and social dynamics, with a focus on marginalized characters and the impact of societal structures on individual lives. The dialogue feels authentic and reveals deeper layers of character motivations.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-developed and relatable, each dealing with their own internal conflicts and motivations.

Character Changes: 7

Several characters experience subtle changes or revelations during the scene, adding depth to their arcs.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to find Kid and ensure his safety. This reflects Bertrand's deeper desire to protect and care for those in need, as well as his fear of failing to do so.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to locate Kid and communicate with Bona and the Mayor to understand Kid's whereabouts. This reflects the immediate challenge of navigating social dynamics and seeking help in finding a missing child.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

There is a moderate level of conflict present, primarily driven by the characters' internal struggles and external challenges.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create conflict and obstacles for the protagonist, but not overwhelming to the point of resolution. The Mayor's dismissive attitude and Bona's empathy create tension and uncertainty.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are moderately high, particularly for the characters who are searching for a lost friend and navigating personal challenges.

Story Forward: 8

The scene effectively moves the story forward by introducing new conflicts, relationships, and emotional developments.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting power dynamics between characters and the unexpected revelations about Kid's situation. The audience is left unsure of how the interactions will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

There is a philosophical conflict between Mayor Jim's ignorance of the struggles of the less fortunate and Bona's empathy and understanding of their hardships. This challenges Bertrand's values of compassion and highlights societal disparities.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions from the audience, particularly through the characters' poignant stories and interactions.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue effectively conveys the characters' emotions and relationships, adding depth to the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its blend of mystery, emotional stakes, and social commentary. The search for Kid and the interactions with Bona and the Mayor keep the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and suspense, with a mix of slower character moments and faster-paced dialogue exchanges. The rhythm keeps the audience engaged and eager to see what happens next.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene is formatted in a standard screenplay format, with clear scene headings and dialogue formatting that adheres to industry standards.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a traditional structure for a dramatic narrative, with a clear progression of events and character interactions that build tension and reveal key information.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear sense of urgency and emotional depth considering the situation of Kid going missing.
  • The interaction between Betrand, Bona, and Mayor Jim feels somewhat disjointed and lacks a strong emotional impact.
  • The dialogue could be more impactful and revealing of the characters' emotions and motivations.
  • The visual descriptions could be enhanced to create a more vivid and immersive setting for the scene.
  • The tension between Betrand, Bona, and Mayor Jim could be heightened to create a more engaging conflict.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more emotional depth to the scene by exploring the characters' feelings about Kid going missing and their relationships with each other.
  • Enhance the dialogue to reveal more about the characters' motivations and internal conflicts.
  • Provide more visual details to create a stronger sense of setting and atmosphere, especially in the simple neighborhood and during the interaction between the characters.
  • Increase the tension between Betrand, Bona, and Mayor Jim to create a more engaging conflict that drives the scene forward.
  • Consider adding a sense of urgency and importance to the search for Kid to make the scene more compelling and impactful.



Scene 31 -  Lost and Found: A Dog's Intuition
INT. MAYOR'S CAR - BACK SEAT - DAY

JIM
You didn't sign your new employment
papers yet.

Bona's eyes are on Betrand and Polly walking on the pavement.

JIM
Don't worry. Those people have
survival skills.

BONA
Those people..!?

JIM
You didn't sign your papers yet.

BONA
I don't want to work with you for the
wrong reasons.

Bona stares out the window. Some YOUNG BLACK KIDS are playing
on the street.

BONA
What about your second wife?

JIM
My wife? What has she got to do with
your job?

BONA
Your second wife. Why did she run off?

EXT. SHOPPING DISTRICT, ALLEY, HIDING PLACE - NIGHT

It is pouring rain. Betrand and Polly are coming 'home',
without Kid, soaking wet.

BETRAND
(to Polly)
I know, little friend. This is not
healthy weather. I hope it doesn't
rain tomorrow. We have to look again.
Kid must be in New York.


Created using Celtx
93.


EXT. HIDING PLACE - NIGHT

Betrand, coughing, apparently catching a cold.

EXT. SHOPPING DISTRICT - RESTAURANT - DAY

Next day the steps on the pavement where Betrand used to play
are empty. Chef Sitterly passes by, watching the place with a
self-satisfied smile.

SITTERLY
Gone.

Later Bona passes by, wondering where Betrand went to.

EXT. BUILDING SITE - NIGHT

It is not raining today. Nevertheless Betrand has lost his
lively pace. It is the third day Kid is lost. Slowly and
broken, like an old man, Betrand continues. He is ill. He
coughs and every now and then stops to blow his nose. From
the street, they reach a building site. Then suddenly:

POLLY
Whoo.

BETRAND
What's up, Polly?

Polly starts BARKING.

A family with a dog passes by. It looks like this dog made
Polly bark. However he does not stop as the other dog walks
with them out of sight. Betrand kneels beside Polly.

BETRAND
Is there something you want to tell
me, friend?

Polly makes a slight movement away from Betrand.

Betrand follows. As this situation repeats, both Polly and
Betrand get more enthusiastic. They move faster and faster,
ending up in front of a large bulldozer.

Standing on his hind legs, Polly taps nervously at the
caterpillars.

BETRAND
Kid?
(shouts)


Created using Celtx
94.


Kid, are you there?

Betrand rattles the door, which is locked and even has an
extra big padlock on a chain.

BETRAND
(to Polly)
You are wrong Polly. It is locked.
(shouting harder - and coughing)

KID! KID!

Polly now barks, really frantic.

BETRAND
Kid... we know you are in there, Kid!
(to Polly)
Can't be. It is locked from outside.

Polly jumps on the bulldozer. Now scratches on the driver
cabin.

BETRAND
(to Polly)
Are you sure he is there?
(yet shouting again)
We know you are in there, Kid. We are
not angry. I don't know what happened,
but you must know, we are not angry.

All this does not lead to any result.

Now it is striking how quiet it is on the building site. Only
far away traffic is heard. Betrand and Polly are going to
leave.

As they are on their way, ten or twenty meters away, the
bulldozer window is opened. Polly is the first to hear the
scratching sound.

A moment later Kid climbs out the window. As he jumps from
the bulldozer, his attention goes fully to Polly. The little
dog over enthusiastically runs into Kid's arms and licks his
face. Kid cries.

Then as Betrand enters, he lifts Kid from the floor and hugs
him.
Genres: ["Drama","Mystery"]

Summary While Bona struggles with a job offer from Jim due to past trust issues, Betrand and Polly bravely search for Kid in a pouring rain. Betrand falls ill, but Polly's frantic barking leads them to Kid trapped inside a bulldozer. Their reunion is filled with joy and relief, showcasing Polly's incredible intuition and the strength of their bond.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Tension building
Weaknesses
  • Some pacing issues in the search sequence

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is emotionally impactful, with a strong focus on character development and building tension. The suspenseful tone keeps the audience engaged, and the resolution of finding Kid adds a satisfying conclusion.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of searching for a lost child in a building site while dealing with personal struggles and conflicts is compelling and well-executed.

Plot: 7

The plot revolves around Betrand's search for Kid, adding depth to his character and showcasing the challenges faced by refugees in the city. The conflict with Chef Sitterly adds intrigue to the story.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces unique elements such as the missing child and the emotional journey of the characters. The dialogue feels authentic and adds depth to the characters' relationships.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters, especially Betrand and Kid, are well-developed and evoke strong emotions from the audience. Their interactions and struggles drive the narrative forward.

Character Changes: 8

Betrand undergoes a significant emotional journey in the scene, from despair and illness to determination and relief upon finding Kid.

Internal Goal: 8

Bona's internal goal is to maintain her integrity and not compromise her values by working with Jim for the wrong reasons.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to find Kid, who is missing, and bring him back home.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between Betrand and Chef Sitterly, as well as the internal conflict Betrand faces while searching for Kid, heightens the tension in the scene.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with obstacles and challenges that create uncertainty and drive the characters' actions.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are high as Betrand searches for Kid in a dangerous building site, facing personal and external challenges along the way.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by resolving the search for Kid and deepening the bond between Betrand and the young refugee.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists and turns in the characters' journey to find Kid.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict is between loyalty and survival. Bona is torn between her loyalty to her values and the need for survival in a difficult situation.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The emotional impact of Betrand finding Kid in the building site is powerful, evoking feelings of sadness, hope, and relief.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue effectively conveys the emotions and motivations of the characters, enhancing the dramatic tension in the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the emotional stakes, the mystery surrounding Kid's disappearance, and the characters' compelling interactions.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the characters' journey.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings and descriptions that enhance the visual storytelling.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with well-defined character arcs and plot progression. It maintains the expected format for its genre.


Critique
  • The scene lacks clarity in terms of the transition between Bona and Jim's conversation in the car and Betrand and Polly's search for Kid. The abrupt shift in setting and characters can be confusing for the audience.
  • The dialogue between Bona and Jim feels disjointed and lacks a clear connection to the rest of the scene. The conversation about Jim's second wife seems out of place and doesn't contribute to the overall narrative.
  • The emotional impact of Betrand and Polly finding Kid trapped in the bulldozer is not fully realized. The scene could benefit from more build-up and tension leading to the moment of Kid's rescue.
  • The interaction between Betrand, Polly, and Kid lacks depth and emotional resonance. More emphasis on the characters' feelings and reactions could enhance the scene's impact.
  • The scene could benefit from more visual descriptions to create a vivid and immersive setting, especially during the search for Kid at the building site.
Suggestions
  • Consider restructuring the scene to improve the flow and coherence of the narrative. Connect the conversations in the car with Bona and Jim to Betrand and Polly's search for Kid more seamlessly.
  • Refine the dialogue between Bona and Jim to make it more relevant to the overall plot and character development. Focus on dialogue that advances the story and reveals important information.
  • Enhance the emotional intensity of the scene where Kid is found in the bulldozer by building up suspense and tension leading to the moment of discovery. Show the characters' reactions in a more impactful way.
  • Develop the relationships between Betrand, Polly, and Kid to create a stronger emotional connection with the audience. Explore their dynamics and emotions to make the scene more engaging.
  • Include more detailed visual descriptions to paint a vivid picture of the setting and actions taking place, especially during the search for Kid at the building site. Use visuals to enhance the atmosphere and tension of the scene.



Scene 32 -  Betrand's Suspicions
EXT. STREET - NIGHT

Betrand, Kid and Polly leave the site. Betrand's arm on Kid's
shoulder. Polly happily dances around the two.

Created using Celtx
95.


This evening is very clear in Christmas atmosphere. The
streets are decorated with lights. Apparently shops are open.
Shop windows have Christmas decorations. There are a lot of
people in the street. Betrand, Kid and Polly pass by a Father
Christmas at the entrance of a large shop. And they stop at a
classically dressed CHRISTMAS CAROLERS singing Christmas
carols.

KID
I thought he was your friend.

BETRAND
Far from that.

KID
You trusted him. Showed him your
hiding place.

BETRAND
For another reason.

KID
So I thought.., I did not want to
emba... ampee..

BETRAND
(coughing)
... embarrass me?

KID
You are ill?

BETRAND
What happened with John?

KID
(turning his head away)
Later...

Betrand coughs.

KID
You are ill.

BETRAND
You don't want to talk about it?

They continue without saying a word, until:

BETRAND (CONT'D)
Don't worry. I understand. I think I


Created using Celtx
96.


already know.

EXT. SHOPPING DISTRICT - RESTAURANT - DAY

Betrand plays his violin with Kid and Polly next to him.

Bona, on her way to La Vérité, stops.

BONA
(to Kid)
You are back again.

KID
I made a mistake.

BETRAND
And you?

BONA
What do you mean?

BETRAND
Your meeting with the mayor.

BONA
Oh... it was... exciting.

BETRAND
Exciting?

BONA
He had exciting news. Exciting for La
Vérité. We met with the city's event
manager. Paris' Mayor will visit New
York, you know, and they've decided to
have dinner at La Vérité. With the
French ambassador, too.

BETRAND
La Vérité? Why?

BONA
Because the whole city is talking
about the restaurant these days.

BETRAND
That's why the mayor chose La Vérité?
Really? Is it not because of you?

BONA
Because of me? Why? Who am I?


Created using Celtx
97.


BETRAND
Ask your friend.

BONA
Jim isn't my friend. I mean. He is
friendly... not a friend in the way
you mean.

BETRAND
You decided to stay single for the
rest of your live?

BONA
Single? I've got... I don't know... I
think... I doubt... what's it to you?

Chef Sitterly approaches on his way to the restaurant.

SITTERLY
(to Bona)
We are open. Come, I have something
important to tell.
(to Betrand)
You, still here? I promise you. Not
for long. I've got it all settled.

Sitterly takes Bona's arm and more or less leads her into the
restaurant. Out of hearing distance:

KID
Those are your recipes!

BETRAND
Only we know.

KID
It's unfair.

BETRAND
Unfair? No, it is not. I decided to
share the recipes myself. I cannot
blame him. But you are right, he is
not a nice man. There are better ones
out there. Me and my wife had a
restaurant in France. We developed an
exquisite sauce. One of my guests
offered us a contract to market the
recipe. He promised to pay. He did.
That is honesty.
(beat)
That guest was a healthier and happier


Created using Celtx
98.


man than the owner of La Vérité,
which, by the way, means 'the truth'.
(beat)
You are young. You must learn to
distinguish. Read people's eyes. I
would not like to change places with
that man. Would you?

KID
What do you read in Bona's eyes?

BETRAND
You genius.

KID
Well?

BETRAND
I think she is smart.

KID
Smart enough?

BETRAND
How do you mean, smart enough?

KID
To say no to the mayor.

BETRAND
Say no? I hope so.... I mean, why
should she say no?

KID
Because of little Gina. She does not
like that man. I think Gina reads his
eyes like you say.

BETRAND
You are right.

KID
What are you going to do about it?

BETRAND
Me?

KID
Yes, you!




Created using Celtx
99.


BETRAND
What am I going to do about what?

KID
The woman loves you. And Gina does,
and Granny.

Betrand takes his violin and plays.
Genres: ["Drama","Slice of Life"]

Summary The scene starts with Betrand, Kid, and Polly at a festive Christmas market, where Betrand is ill. Betrand reveals that he knows about Kid's past with John, but chooses not to press for details. The scene shifts to a restaurant where Betrand confronts Bona about her meeting with the mayor, suspecting it was orchestrated through her relationship with Jim. Chef Sitterly arrives and leads Bona away, leaving Betrand and Kid to discuss the situation. Betrand reveals that he gave Sitterly his recipes and feels betrayed by his dishonesty. Kid observes Bona's love for Betrand and points out the affection Gina and Granny have for him. The scene ends with Betrand playing his violin, leaving the tension surrounding Chef Sitterly's actions and the budding romance between Betrand and Bona unresolved.
Strengths
  • Deep character development
  • Emotional depth
  • Natural dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue could be more concise
  • Potential for more visual descriptions

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is well-written with deep character interactions and emotional depth. It moves the story forward and sets up potential conflicts.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of honesty, trust, and relationships is effectively explored through the characters' interactions and revelations.

Plot: 7

The plot progresses with the revelation of the shared recipes and the implications for the characters. It sets up potential conflicts and developments.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces unique relationships and conflicts, such as the protagonist's illness and the dynamics between the characters. The authenticity of the dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed and their relationships and motivations are explored in depth. Their interactions drive the scene.

Character Changes: 7

There are subtle shifts in the characters' dynamics and motivations, especially in Betrand's protective instincts towards Kid.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to understand and address his illness, as well as to navigate his relationships with other characters. This reflects his deeper need for connection and understanding.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to navigate the upcoming event at La Vérité and potentially address any conflicts or challenges that arise. This reflects the immediate circumstances and challenges he is facing.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

There are underlying tensions and conflicts present, especially regarding the shared recipes and the characters' relationships.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicts arising between the characters and their differing values and motivations. The audience is left unsure of how these conflicts will be resolved.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are raised with the revelation of the shared recipes and the potential consequences for the characters and the restaurant.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by revealing important information about the shared recipes, the characters' relationships, and potential conflicts.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable due to the shifting dynamics between the characters and the unexpected revelations about their relationships and motivations.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

There is a philosophical conflict evident in the scene between honesty and deception, as well as the value of relationships and trust. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs and values, particularly in relation to his past experiences.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes emotions through the characters' interactions and revelations, especially regarding trust and honesty.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is natural and reveals the characters' emotions and thoughts effectively. It enhances the relationships and conflicts in the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the emotional depth and tension between the characters. The conflicts and relationships draw the audience in and create intrigue.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by balancing dialogue and action, allowing for moments of tension and reflection.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions. The dialogue is formatted appropriately.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear character interactions and development. The pacing and rhythm contribute to its effectiveness.


Critique
  • The scene lacks clear direction and purpose, with conversations that meander and lack focus.
  • The dialogue feels forced and unnatural at times, making it difficult for the audience to connect with the characters.
  • There is a lack of emotional depth and development in the interactions between the characters, particularly between Betrand and Bona.
  • The scene fails to build tension or create a sense of urgency, despite the potential conflict between Betrand and Chef Sitterly.
  • The transition between different topics and interactions feels abrupt and disjointed, making it hard to follow the flow of the scene.
Suggestions
  • Focus on developing a clear objective or conflict within the scene to drive the interactions and dialogue.
  • Work on making the dialogue more natural and reflective of the characters' personalities and motivations.
  • Add emotional depth to the interactions between Betrand, Kid, and Bona to create a more engaging and relatable scene.
  • Build tension and urgency by introducing a clearer conflict or obstacle for the characters to overcome.
  • Ensure smooth transitions between different topics and interactions to maintain the coherence of the scene.



Scene 33 -  The Mayor's Visit
INT. RESTAURANT LA VÉRITÉ - DAY

SITTERLY
(to Demario)
The damned violin player is back.
(to Bona)
And you've been talking with him as if
he is your friend. This must end. I'll
tell you why.

Sitterly shows her a piece of paper, which is a printout of
an email.

SITTERLY (CONT'D)
(to Demario)
This is why -- After two weeks, La
Vérité is honored to serve very high
placed guests -- Our mayor and his
Parisian colleagues. And the French
ambassador.
(to Bona)
I want to discuss and prepare the
visit with you. Come to my office.

INT. OFFICE 'LA VÉRITÉ' - DAY

SITTERLY
Read this.

Sitterly hands over the printout.

SITTERLY
Tell me, what are St. Jacob Shells?
And how do I prepare Beef Bourguignon?
And Flamiche. Read the email. Our dear
mayor wants to surprise his guests
with classic French food in New York.

BONA
These dishes are easy to prepare.




Created using Celtx
100.


SITTERLY
I know, but I have to find a way to
make them special.

BONA
I suppose with good meat and a subtle
choice of herbs.

SITTERLY
What do you know about it? I am the
chef, darling.

BONA
I thought you asked.

SITTERLY
Of course not. You... you have to ask
the old man. He may give his cooking
tips in one of his brown envelopes if
he likes.

Bona is about to leave the office.

SITTERLY (CONT'D)
And tell him to stay away on Thursday
two weeks from now when the mayor is
here. I want a room full of special
guests and journalists, you
understand.

BONA
Actually, I don't. But I will tell him
to stay away on the evening you
celebrate his menu.

As Bona disappears, Sitterly calls her back.

SITTERLY
About that beggar next door. He is
finished. I arranged it myself.
Genres: ["Drama","Romance"]

Summary Sitterly confronts Bona about her interactions with the violin player and expresses frustration with the lack of creativity in the upcoming menu for the mayor's visit. She demands Bona ask the old man for help with the dishes and then instructs her to keep him away on the day of the visit. Sitterly reveals that she has arranged for the beggar next door to be taken care of, leaving Bona with a chilling sense of her power and control.
Strengths
  • Strong character dynamics
  • Tense atmosphere
  • Intriguing plot developments
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue may be overly expository
  • Limited physical action

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is engaging and full of tension, with strong character dynamics and a sense of mystery. The conflict between Chef Sitterly and Bona adds depth to the story.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene, focusing on the power struggle and secrets within the restaurant, is well-executed and adds intrigue to the overall plot.

Plot: 7

The plot advances as Chef Sitterly reveals his plans for the restaurant and Bona's involvement. The scene sets up potential conflicts and resolutions for future developments.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the classic chef protagonist trope by focusing on the internal and external challenges faced by Sitterly in a high-pressure culinary setting. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds depth and complexity to the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed, with Chef Sitterly's manipulative nature and Bona's determination shining through. Their interactions drive the scene forward.

Character Changes: 7

Chef Sitterly's ultimatum and Bona's decision-making show potential for character growth and shifts in their relationships.

Internal Goal: 8

Sitterly's internal goal is to maintain control and authority in her restaurant, as well as to impress the high-placed guests with her culinary skills. This reflects her need for validation and recognition as a talented chef.

External Goal: 7

Sitterly's external goal is to prepare classic French dishes for the mayor's guests and make them special to impress them. This reflects the immediate challenge she faces in meeting the mayor's expectations and maintaining the restaurant's reputation.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between Chef Sitterly and Bona is intense and drives the scene's tension. The power struggle and secrets add layers to the conflict.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting goals and power dynamics between Sitterly and Bona creating obstacles and challenges that drive the conflict forward.

High Stakes: 8

The high stakes are evident as Chef Sitterly threatens Bona's relationship with the mysterious old man and the success of the restaurant.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by revealing new conflicts and motivations, setting the stage for future developments.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected power dynamics and conflicts that arise between the characters, keeping the audience on edge about how the situation will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

There is a philosophical conflict between Sitterly's desire for control and perfection in her cooking, and Bona's more relaxed and collaborative approach to preparing the dishes. This challenges Sitterly's belief in her own expertise and authority as a chef.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes suspense and intrigue, keeping the audience engaged in the characters' struggles and motivations.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is sharp and reveals the underlying tensions between the characters. It effectively conveys the power dynamics and conflicts at play.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the dynamic interactions between the characters, the high stakes of impressing prestigious guests, and the underlying tension and conflict between Sitterly and Bona.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, with a gradual escalation of conflict and stakes as the characters interact and confront each other.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene headings and character actions. The formatting enhances the readability and flow of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a dialogue-heavy character-driven scene in a drama genre screenplay. The pacing and rhythm of the dialogue contribute to the effectiveness of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear sense of urgency or conflict, considering the high stakes involved with serving important guests like the mayor and French ambassador.
  • The dialogue between Sitterly and Bona feels a bit forced and lacks depth, especially in terms of character development.
  • There is a missed opportunity to explore the relationship dynamics between Sitterly, Bona, and the mysterious 'old man' who provides cooking tips.
  • The scene could benefit from more visual descriptions to create a vivid setting and enhance the atmosphere.
  • The interaction between Sitterly and Bona could be more nuanced to add layers to their relationship and create intrigue for the audience.
Suggestions
  • Introduce a sense of urgency and tension in the scene to reflect the importance of preparing for the visit of high-profile guests.
  • Develop the dialogue between Sitterly and Bona to reveal more about their characters and motivations, adding depth to their interactions.
  • Explore the backstory of the 'old man' who provides cooking tips to add a mysterious element to the scene and create intrigue.
  • Include more visual cues to set the scene and create a more immersive experience for the audience.
  • Consider adding subtext and subtle hints in the dialogue to build intrigue and foreshadow future developments in the story.



Scene 34 -  Christmas Trouble
EXT. SHOPPING DISTRICT - RESTAURANT - NIGHT

Bona finishes her job. She stops at Betrand.

BONA
(mocking)
St. Jacob Shells are fragile, but he
does not even know how to prepare
simple beef bourguignon and Flamiche
for the Frenchmen. He is very nervous.


Created using Celtx
101.


I had to ask the old man. He said he
had no idea what I was talking about.

BETRAND
I know.

BONA
What do you know?

BETRAND
How to prepare an excellent Beef
Bourguignon and Flamich. Also, which
wine he should serve.

EXT. SHOPPING DISTRICT - RESTAURANT - DAY

Days before Christmas time. Betrand, Kid and Polly take their
place on the steps as usual. Betrand's hat is upside down in
front of them to collect a little money.

BETRAND
Read your book. And listen good to the
people talking when they pass by. Your
tongue must become like a born
American. That also is important for
your future.

Kid starts reading. After a while, two uniformed policemen
approach. An OLD POLICE OFFICER and a YOUNG POLICE OFFICER.

OLD POLICE OFFICER
Good morning. We would like to see
your passport please.

The old policeman checks Betrand's papers. The young officer
looks over his shoulder.

YOUNG POLICE OFFICER
He has got his stamp.

OLD POLICE OFFICER
Can you show us your green card?

Betrand shows the document.

YOUNG POLICE OFFICER
And the kid?

BETRAND
We forgot to bring his passport.



Created using Celtx
102.


YOUNG POLICE OFFICER
He is an immigrant. You know he is
obliged to have his papers with him.

BETRAND
Only if he is older than 18.

YOUNG POLICE OFFICER
Anyhow, we'd like to see them.

BETRAND
The papers are with my wife.

YOUNG POLICE OFFICER
Your wife? He is your son? He does not
look like you.

BETRAND
My wife is black.

YOUNG POLICE OFFICER
You lie.

BETRAND
About my wife?

YOUNG POLICE OFFICER
Don't try to be smart on us. Your
young friend is an illegal immigrant.
Someone gave us the notification he is
here illegally.

BETRAND
Someone? How does that someone know?

OLD POLICE OFFICER
What is your name, kid?

KID
Everybody calls me Kid.

BETRAND
François. His name is François.

YOUNG POLICE OFFICER
Come on. Everybody can see and hear he
is a foreigner.

BETRAND
He looks like my wife and he sounds
French because I am French. We had a


Created using Celtx
103.


restaurant in Paris.

YOUNG POLICE OFFICER
I don't think so.

OLD POLICE OFFICER
Oh..., give them a break.
(to Betrand)
Can you bring his passport tomorrow?

BETRAND
Of course.

The Young Officer is a little agitated and impatient. He
walks a few steps away.

OLD POLICE OFFICER
(confidentially)
Mind what you're doing. You know our
government, and this allegation from a
citizen is backed by the mayor
himself.

BETRAND
I understand.

OLD POLICE OFFICER
(whispering)
If he is not your son, find yourself
another place. And don't come back.
For the kid's sake.

After both officers left:

KID
He bought it.

BETRAND
Let's go.

KID
Yes. It'll be better this way.

BETRAND
Not like you think. We have to make a
photo.
Genres: ["Drama","Mystery"]

Summary Days before Christmas, Betrand, Kid, and Polly are collecting money in a bustling shopping district. Two police officers approach and demand identification. Betrand provides his documents, but claims he forgot Kid's passport, leading to accusations of harboring an illegal immigrant. Despite Betrand's explanations, the officers remain suspicious, hinting at the mayor's involvement and urging Betrand to move. To avoid further trouble, Betrand agrees to bring Kid's passport the next day. The scene concludes with the officers departing, leaving Betrand and Kid facing an uncertain future.
Strengths
  • Tension-filled dialogue
  • High-stakes conflict
  • Character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Lack of resolution in the scene
  • Limited character development

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively builds tension and raises stakes through the interaction between the characters, keeping the audience engaged and curious about the outcome.


Story Content

Concept: 7

The concept of exploring the legality of Kid's presence in the country adds depth to the scene and introduces a layer of conflict that drives the narrative forward.

Plot: 8

The plot is well-developed, focusing on the potential consequences of Kid being an illegal immigrant and the impact it could have on Betrand and their relationship.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh perspective on immigration issues, blending personal stories with societal challenges in a compelling way. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-defined, with Betrand's protective nature towards Kid and the police officers' suspicion adding complexity to the scene.

Character Changes: 6

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the interaction with the police officers challenges Betrand and Kid's relationship, potentially leading to future developments.

Internal Goal: 8

Bona's internal goal is to prove her culinary skills and knowledge to Betrand, showcasing her expertise and confidence in her abilities.

External Goal: 9

Betrand's external goal is to protect Kid and Polly from being discovered as illegal immigrants and facing potential consequences.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between Betrand, Kid, and the police officers creates a high-stakes situation that keeps the audience on edge and drives the narrative forward.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the characters facing external threats and internal conflicts that challenge their beliefs and values. The uncertainty adds depth to the narrative.

High Stakes: 9

The high stakes of Kid potentially being an illegal immigrant add urgency and tension to the scene, increasing the risk for Betrand and Kid.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing a new conflict and raising the stakes for the characters, setting the stage for future events.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected turn of events, the shifting power dynamics, and the uncertain outcome for the characters.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict revolves around identity, belonging, and the challenges faced by immigrants in a society that questions their legitimacy and rights.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes emotions of tension, concern, and defensiveness, drawing the audience into the characters' struggles and challenges.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue effectively conveys the tension and conflict between the characters, driving the scene forward and revealing their motivations.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its high stakes, emotional intensity, and relatable themes. The conflict and suspense keep the audience invested in the characters' fates.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a balance of tension-building moments, character interactions, and plot development. It keeps the audience engaged and invested in the story.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows standard formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character dialogue. It is easy to follow and visualize.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with well-defined character interactions and plot progression. It effectively builds tension and conflict.


Critique
  • The dialogue between Betrand and Bona lacks depth and emotional resonance. The conversation feels forced and lacks authenticity, making it difficult for the audience to connect with the characters.
  • The interaction between the police officers and Betrand feels contrived and unrealistic. The dialogue and actions of the officers come across as stereotypical and do not reflect a genuine police encounter.
  • The scene lacks subtlety in addressing the issue of immigration and identity. The dialogue is heavy-handed and does not explore the complexities of the characters' backgrounds in a nuanced way.
  • The transition from the conversation with the police officers to the interaction between Betrand and Kid feels abrupt and disjointed. The shift in tone and focus is jarring and disrupts the flow of the scene.
  • The scene fails to effectively build tension or create a sense of urgency. The conflict introduced by the police officers is resolved too quickly and without much impact on the characters or the overall narrative.
Suggestions
  • Develop the dialogue between Betrand and Bona to make it more engaging and emotionally resonant. Add depth to their interaction by exploring their relationship and motivations in a more nuanced way.
  • Revise the encounter with the police officers to make it more realistic and authentic. Focus on creating a sense of tension and suspense to heighten the stakes of the scene.
  • Explore the themes of immigration and identity with more subtlety and complexity. Allow the characters to grapple with their backgrounds and beliefs in a more nuanced and authentic manner.
  • Smooth out the transition between the different interactions in the scene to create a more cohesive and seamless narrative flow. Ensure that each moment builds on the previous one to maintain continuity and engagement.
  • Introduce more layers of conflict and tension throughout the scene to keep the audience engaged and invested in the characters' journey. Use the conflict with the police officers as a catalyst for deeper exploration of the characters' motivations and relationships.



Scene 35 -  A New Family
EXT. PHOTO SHOP - DAY

The three, Betrand, Kid and Polly, roam through the Christmas
decorated streets until they stop in front of a shop with


Created using Celtx
104.


cameras in the window.

The three go in and after a while, we see them getting out
again. A little bag with a print of the photo shop logo is in
Betrand's hand.

BETRAND
We'll take a day off.

EXT. HIDEAWAY AT THE BACK OF THE RESTAURANT - DAY

Betrand takes the framed picture from the wall. A close up
shows Betrand's widow. She has the same appearance as Kid.
Betrand's apr. 7 years young son looks like him -- white with
the dark touch of his mother.

Betrand sits at the table with Kid opposite of him.

BETRAND
My late wife and son.

KID
I know.

BETRAND
She was American. We used to live
here, until we started our own
restaurant in France. One unfortunate
day, the kitchen caught on fire. I
lost both Laquisha and François in the
fire, like you lost your family.
François would be of your age now.

Betrand starts to disassemble the frame.

BETRAND
I lost it all. Could not even pay for
their funeral. I understand what you
have been through. The first two years
I could not sleep without hearing
their voices all night long.

KID
I heard my father screaming, "Run
Abele, run." In the middle of the
fire. I ran away.

BETRAND
My life would be miserable if I would
not have done the same. The insurance
company said I started the fire


Created using Celtx
105.


myself, the bank, my neighbors whose
house was damaged, even the police,
everybody was after me. I have a
feeling they still are. I could not
cope. I got on a cargo boat and ended
back in New York.

KID
My father used to say, "Be careful,
they will come after you. They know we
are rich."

Betrand takes two passports out from behind the picture
frame.

BETRAND
I thought I would never in my life be
able to do this.

Betrand opens his son's passport and kisses the photograph.
He shows Kid François' photo.

BETRAND (CONT'D)
My son.., François.

Betrand opens the bag he took from the photo shop and takes
out a little knife. Slowly he tries to get the photo out of
the passport.

BETRAND (CONT'D)
I never thought to tell all this to a
twelve year old.

The photo comes out.

BETRAND (CONT'D)
These passports are the only things
left, as I had them in my pocket.

Carefully, Betrand glues Kid's photo in François' place.

KID
Maybe you should marry again?

BETRAND
Twelve years old. You've learned more
than a book full of mathematics.
(thinking)
Maybe you are right. Maybe it is time
to look forward.



Created using Celtx
106.


Betrand kisses his wife Laquisha's picture.

BETRAND
Laquisha will understand.

KID
And Bona does.

BETRAND
Bona does?

KID
She will understand, too.

When finished with the passport, Betrand closes the pages.
Now he hands the passport to Kid.

BETRAND
So... from this day on, your name is
François. And you no longer call me
sir. Wherever we go, you call me
Father.

KID
How can I?

BETRAND
Don't worry. You will always be Abele
Yacouba, but you let people call you
François. Like me, I can never replace
your father, but I will call you my
son. No matter if we are near friends
or enemies.

Kid and Betrand give each other a high five and a hug.

BETRAND
Come, let us celebrate instead of
mourn.

Betrand frames the picture again and kisses his wife.

BETRAND
I am looking forward to an ice cream.
Genres: ["Drama","Family"]

Summary Betrand, heartbroken by the loss of his wife and son in a fire, finds solace in a young boy named Kid. Sharing his grief and longing for family, Betrand offers Kid a new life as his son, giving him a new identity and belonging. The scene ends with their newfound family bond celebrated with the promise of ice cream.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Poignant dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Lack of external conflict
  • Limited action

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is emotionally impactful, well-written, and provides depth to the characters. It effectively conveys the themes of loss and redemption, making it a standout moment in the screenplay.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of Betrand opening up about his past and forming a fatherly bond with Kid is compelling and adds layers to the characters. It introduces a new dynamic that enriches the story.

Plot: 8

The plot advances through Betrand's decision to take on a fatherly role towards Kid, adding complexity to their relationship. It sets the stage for potential character development and conflict.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the theme of loss and rebuilding family, with authentic character actions and dialogue that feel genuine and moving.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The scene delves deep into Betrand and Kid's characters, revealing their vulnerabilities, strengths, and emotional depth. It establishes a strong connection between them that resonates with the audience.

Character Changes: 8

Betrand undergoes a significant change by deciding to take on a fatherly role towards Kid, showing growth and emotional development. Kid also experiences a shift in identity and connection.

Internal Goal: 9

The protagonist's internal goal is to find closure and move on from the tragic loss of his family. This reflects his deeper need for healing and acceptance of his past.

External Goal: 8

The protagonist's external goal is to create a new identity for the young boy and establish a father-son relationship. This reflects the immediate challenge of rebuilding a family and moving forward from the past.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 4

While there is emotional conflict related to loss and past traumas, the scene focuses more on emotional connection and character development rather than external conflict.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene adds complexity and conflict, creating obstacles for the protagonist to overcome and keeping the audience engaged.

High Stakes: 5

While the emotional stakes are high in terms of loss and redemption, there is less immediate external conflict or danger in this scene.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by deepening the relationship between Betrand and Kid, setting the stage for future conflicts and character arcs. It adds depth to the narrative.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable in its emotional twists and revelations, keeping the audience invested in the characters' journey.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict revolves around the themes of loss, identity, and family. It challenges the protagonist's beliefs about moving on and finding new connections after tragedy.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions through Betrand's poignant storytelling and the bond he forms with Kid. It resonates with the audience on a deep emotional level.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is poignant and heartfelt, capturing the emotional essence of the scene. It effectively conveys Betrand and Kid's feelings and motivations.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its emotional depth, character development, and poignant moments that draw the audience into the protagonist's journey.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotion, allowing for impactful character interactions and revelations.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to the expected format for its genre, allowing for clear and engaging storytelling.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a coherent structure that effectively conveys the emotional journey of the characters and advances the narrative.


Critique
  • The scene provides a touching moment between Betrand and Kid, delving into Betrand's tragic past and his connection to Kid's own loss.
  • The emotional depth of the scene is well portrayed, with Betrand sharing his personal story and vulnerability with Kid.
  • The use of the passports and the symbolic act of renaming Kid as Francois adds a layer of complexity and emotional resonance to their relationship.
  • The scene effectively conveys themes of loss, resilience, and the bond between Betrand and Kid.
  • The dialogue between Betrand and Kid feels authentic and heartfelt, capturing the emotional weight of their conversation.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more visual elements to enhance the storytelling, such as flashbacks or visual cues to Betrand's memories.
  • Explore the possibility of incorporating Kid's perspective and emotions more deeply into the scene to further highlight the impact of Betrand's story on him.
  • Consider adding moments of reflection or introspection from Kid to showcase his internal struggle and growth throughout the scene.
  • Experiment with different camera angles and shots to visually emphasize the emotional intensity of the scene.
  • Perhaps introduce subtle cues or hints that foreshadow future developments in Betrand and Kid's relationship to add depth and intrigue.



Scene 36 -  A Favor and a Question
EXT. SHOPPING DISTRICT - NEXT TO RESTAURANT - DAY

Next day the two police officers are already waiting.

OLD POLICE OFFICER
Good morning.


Created using Celtx
107.


BETRAND
Good morning.

YOUNG POLICE OFFICER
You got the documents?

Betrand shows François' passport to the old policeman.

OLD POLICE OFFICER
(to the young police officer)
No problem.

YOUNG POLICE OFFICER
Let me have a look.

The old officer does not respond. Instead he lays a friendly
hand on Kid's shoulder.

YOUNG POLICE OFFICER
So your name is François.

The old police officer hands back the documents to Betrand
instead of his colleague.

OLD POLICE OFFICER
You are okay. Still I think you need
to find another place. Security won't
tolerate you so close to the
restaurant.

The police officers leave.

KID
You don't want to move?

Betrand unpacks his violin and takes his place.

BETRAND
Not yet.

INT. RESTAURANT LA VÉRITÉ - DAY

SITTERLY
Did you talk to the old man?

BONA
It won't help.

SITTERLY
Just do as I asked.



Created using Celtx
108.


EXT. BONA'S HOUSE - SIMPLE NEIGHBORHOOD - NIGHT

Betrand, Kid and Polly wait on Bona's doorsteps as she comes
home after finishing her job.

BETRAND
Can we talk?

BONA
You make me curious. Come on in.

INT. BONA'S HOUSE - SIMPLE KITCHEN - NIGHT

Betrand, Kid, Bona and Granny at the kitchen table.

BETRAND
About Kid. I have to find a school.

MISS JEFFERSON
That will not work. He is illegal. No
school principal will take that risk.

BETRAND
I hope you can ask your mayor.

Bona gets up, uncertain, and starts doing dishes as she does
not know how to respond, until:

BONA
I cannot.

MISS JEFFERSON
Why not?

BONA
You don't understand. I cannot.

BETRAND
You assume you already know his
answer?

BONA
That, too.

MISS JEFFERSON
No matter what. You could still ask.

BONA
You don't understand, Granny.

Bona returns to her seat at the table.


Created using Celtx
109.


BONA
He won't say no, like you expect. He
will say he will think it over. "He
cannot help in his position. His hands
are tied," He will say. But he will
promise that he will try...
(beat)
... and then he will ask favors in
return.

BETRAND
What favors?

BONA
He offered me a job.

BETRAND
That's fine. He favors you!

BONA
I don't know. I got the documents to
sign, but there is no job description
or whatsoever. No one tells me what I
will have to do.

KID
You don't trust him.

BONA
(to Betrand)
Jim is not only a man but also a
diplomat. There is a strategy in
everything he does. A hidden goal.

BETRAND
It's clear.

KID
He wants you.

MISS JEFFERSON
It's obvious. Even to the child.

Betrand wants to leave.

MISS JEFFERSON
The problem is Kid is illegal. America
has changed.

BETRAND
Kid is not illegal. He is my son.


Created using Celtx
110.


MISS JEFFERSON
Now YOU sound like a diplomat.
(to Bona)
We have brandy in the cupboard in the
sitting room Bona. Will you fetch it
for me?

Bona leaves the room.

MISS JEFFERSON
Now tell me, young man, how this nice
François changed into your son so
suddenly. And don't lie to me.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary Betrand and Kid seek Bona's help to find a school for Kid, but Bona is hesitant due to a favor owed to the mayor, who offered her a job in exchange for his assistance. Miss Jefferson voices her distrust of the mayor and his motives, questioning Betrand's sudden claim of Kid being his son. The scene ends with a tense exchange between Betrand and Miss Jefferson, leaving the audience wondering about the true nature of their relationship and the complexities of their situation.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Revealing hidden truths
Weaknesses
  • Potential lack of clarity on the consequences of Betrand's decision

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is emotionally charged and reveals important information about the characters, creating tension and setting up future conflicts.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of identity, family, and sacrifice is central to the scene, as Betrand reveals his past and makes a significant decision regarding Kid.

Plot: 7

The plot advances as Betrand's decision to protect Kid leads to potential conflicts with the authorities and sets up future challenges for the characters.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces fresh perspectives on immigration, education, and power dynamics, with authentic character actions and dialogue that feel true to life.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed and their interactions reveal their motivations, fears, and relationships, adding depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 8

Betrand undergoes a significant change by revealing his past and making a decision to protect Kid, showcasing his growth and commitment to caring for others.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to find a school for Kid, reflecting his desire to provide a stable and secure future for the child. This goal also reflects his fear of Kid being left without education or opportunities.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to navigate the challenges of Kid's illegal status and find a solution to his education. This goal reflects the immediate circumstances of Kid's situation and the obstacles they face in a foreign country.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

There is a moderate level of conflict in the scene, primarily stemming from Betrand's decision to protect Kid and the potential consequences it may have.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting goals and hidden agendas creating obstacles for the protagonist and Kid.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are raised as Betrand's decision to protect Kid puts them at risk of being discovered as undocumented, potentially leading to serious consequences.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by revealing important information, setting up future conflicts, and deepening the relationships between the characters.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable due to the shifting alliances and hidden agendas of the characters, keeping the audience guessing about their true motivations.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict revolves around the protagonist's trust in authority figures and their hidden agendas. It challenges his beliefs in the system and the motivations behind offers of help.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions, particularly through Betrand's revelation about his past and his decision to protect Kid, creating a poignant and heartfelt moment.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is impactful, revealing important information and emotions, driving the scene forward and building tension.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the tension between characters, the high stakes involved in Kid's education, and the subtle power dynamics at play.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and suspense, with a rhythmic flow that keeps the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows standard formatting conventions for screenplay writing, making it easy to read and understand.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with well-defined character interactions and progression of goals. It adheres to the expected format for its genre.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear resolution to the conflict surrounding Kid's schooling and legal status, leaving the audience hanging on the outcome.
  • The dialogue between Betrand, Bona, and Miss Jefferson feels somewhat disjointed and could benefit from more natural flow and clarity.
  • The tension between Bona and Betrand regarding Kid's situation could be further explored to add depth to their relationship and the stakes involved.
  • The sudden revelation of Kid being declared as Betrand's son feels rushed and could use more build-up and emotional impact.
  • The transition from the previous scene to this one could be smoother to maintain the continuity of the storyline.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a follow-up scene to address the resolution of Kid's schooling and legal status to provide closure for the audience.
  • Work on refining the dialogue to make it more engaging and cohesive, ensuring that each character's motivations and emotions are clearly conveyed.
  • Explore the complex dynamics between Bona, Betrand, and Kid further to deepen the emotional impact of the scene.
  • Build up to the revelation of Kid being declared as Betrand's son by foreshadowing and adding more emotional weight to the moment.
  • Consider a smoother transition between scenes to maintain the flow of the narrative and keep the audience engaged.



Scene 37 -  Sacrifice and Revelation
EXT. BONA'S HOUSE - NIGHT

Betrand, Kid and Polly leave, pulling the door behind them.

KID
They can help now that I am your son.

BETRAND
They are nice people.

KID
Maybe you should marry her. That makes
it more official when she looks for a
school.

BETRAND
You hear, Polly? Such intrigue. If he
gets to school, he could become the
next mayor.

EXT. DARK ALLEY - NIGHT

Betrand, Kid and Polly enter their hiding place.

EXT. HIDING PLACE BEHIND RESTAURANT - NIGHT

BETRAND
Sleep well, Kid. Today you learned the
world is not only populated by nasty
people.

EXT. SHOPPING DISTRICT - RESTAURANT - DAY

As Betrand plays his violin, the three Bullies approach. One
of them is Sitterly's fat son.




Created using Celtx
111.


BRUTAL KID 1
We thought you had left, Grandpa.

BRUTAL KID 2
You're stubborn.

BRUTAL KID 1
And stupid.

One of the Bullies kicks Betrand's hat and coins roll away.

BRUTAL KID 1
You were told to leave.

Polly starts growling. Betrand prevents Kid from getting up.
Tension rises.

BRUTAL KID 2
Begin with his violin.

A fight starts and they try to grab the violin out of
Betrand's hands. After that is successful, they kick the
violin kicked into pieces.

The fight intensifies. Polly tries to help by biting the
bullies' legs.

Suddenly in the heat of the fight, the SHRIEK OF THE LITTLE
DOG RINGS OUT. Everyone in the fight, even the bullies,
stops, shocked. The fight ends abruptly. The bullies run.

POLLY LIES DEAD on the street.

EXT. PARK - DAY

Betrand and Kid bury Polly in the park.

EXT. SHOPPING DISTRICT - DAY

Again Betrand and Kid place a brown envelope in La Vérité's
letterbox.

BETRAND
Beef Bourguignon. You have to prepare
two days ahead. Beef in red wine. Not
just any red wine. It is essential you
use the right wine to make it
outstanding. Wine from Burgundy.
California or even Chili wine will be
dead ass disrespect. That's what I
wrote... and more details about herbs.


Created using Celtx
112.


Especially about herbs.

KID
How can you help that man, after what
he did to us?

BETRAND
He'll be serving the mayor and other
important visitors. Maybe I'm helping
myself, François.

KID
François. You called me François.

INT. OFFICE TOWN HALL - DAY

Mayor John looks into the mirror.

INT. RESTAURANT LA VÉRITÉ - DAY

Sitterly, Bona and Demario check the tables.

SITTERLY
Thank you.

BONA
Why?

SITTERLY
You convinced the old man. We will use
his recipes for the mayor and his
guests.

BONA
I did not talk about it. Not to him.
Only to my landlady and...

Bona walks to the windows. Across the street, she sees
Betrand. She seems to understand where the envelopes really
come from now.

EXT. CAFÉ OPPOSITE LA VÉRITÉ - DAY

Approximately one week later. Betrand and Kid sit on the
doorsteps opposite the street next to a café.

KID
What are we doing here?

BETRAND
Just sit and watch.


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113.


The old guest goes by. Walking at his age gives him
difficulties.

BETRAND
Hello, sir. Not going to the La Vérité
today?

OLD MAN
I am not welcome.

BETRAND
Can I offer you a drink?

Betrand, Kid and the old man enter the café.

I/E. CAFÉ OPPOSITE LA VÉRITÉ - DAY

In the café, Christmas songs play. Betrand, Kid and the old
man take a seat at the window.

As Betrand orders coffee, POLICE on motorcycles, followed by
more police cars, enter the street with SIRENS. The road is
blocked. SECURITY GUARDS take positions next to the entrance
of La Vérité. The entrance with the cheap Christmas tree.

OLD MAN
Everybody has his own interpretation
of La Vérité. It's the French word for
truth.

BETRAND
I know. Je suis Français. What is your
interpretation?

OLD MAN
The truth is La Vérité has changed.
Once I owned the restaurant with my
wife. At that time truth meant
respect. Pure ingredients, grown
without fertilizers, meat from animals
that lived outside, no genetic
manipulations. All in lively colors.
Then my wife died. I had to sell La
Vérité. My biggest mistake, selling
the truth to an imposter.

BETRAND
You kept coming.

OLD MAN
I cherish my memories. The food was


Created using Celtx
114.


awful, but today the food tastes like
a miracle. The mayor and his guests
will enjoy it, and the truth is that I
sit here.
Genres: ["Drama","Mystery"]

Summary Betrand, Kid, and Polly flee Bona's house and find a hiding place, but are soon confronted by bullies who destroy Betrand's violin. To save them, Polly sacrifices herself, leaving Betrand and Kid heartbroken. They bury her in the park and continue their mission to help a man at the town hall. Meanwhile, Bona discovers the truth about the mysterious envelopes. Later, Betrand and Kid sit in a cafe across from La Vérité, where they encounter an old man who reflects on the changes happening at the restaurant.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Revealing past secrets
Weaknesses
  • Pacing could be improved in certain sections

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is emotionally impactful, with a strong focus on character development and revealing important truths. The tension and conflict keep the audience engaged.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of truth and redemption is well-executed, with layers of mystery and intrigue adding depth to the narrative.

Plot: 7

The plot advances through revealing character motivations and past events, setting up future conflicts and resolutions.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces unique characters and situations, such as the protagonist's protective nature towards Kid and the unexpected twist of Polly's death. The dialogue feels authentic and adds depth to the characters.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are complex and multi-dimensional, with their actions driven by their past experiences and desires for a better future.

Character Changes: 8

Betrand undergoes a significant change by revealing his past and taking on a new role as Kid's father figure.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to protect and provide for Kid, showing his caring and protective nature. This reflects his deeper desire for a sense of family and belonging.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to survive and navigate the dangerous world he finds himself in, facing threats from bullies and trying to make ends meet.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

There is a moderate level of conflict, primarily driven by past actions and the characters' conflicting desires.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the bullies posing a significant threat to the protagonist and Kid. The audience is unsure of how the conflict will be resolved, adding to the tension and suspense.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are high for Betrand and Kid as they navigate past traumas, relationships, and the search for truth.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by revealing important truths, setting up future conflicts, and deepening character relationships.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the sudden turn of events, such as Polly's death and the unexpected arrival of the police. The audience is kept on their toes and unsure of what will happen next.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between the values of survival and compassion. The protagonist must balance his need to protect Kid with the harsh reality of the world they live in.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions of sadness, hope, and reflection, leaving a lasting impact on the audience.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is reflective of the characters' emotional states and relationships, adding depth to the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense conflict, emotional stakes, and unexpected twists. The reader is drawn into the characters' struggles and invested in their journey.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, with well-timed beats and moments of conflict. The rhythm of the scene keeps the reader engaged and invested in the characters' journey.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings and descriptions that enhance the visual storytelling.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with well-defined beats and transitions between locations. It effectively builds tension and emotional stakes.


Critique
  • The scene starts with a dramatic and intense confrontation between Betrand, Kid, and the bullies, leading to a violent fight that results in the death of Polly. This sudden and tragic event adds a dark and emotional tone to the scene.
  • The dialogue between the bullies and Betrand is effective in portraying the hostility and aggression of the bullies towards Betrand, creating a sense of danger and tension.
  • The visual description of the fight scene, with the destruction of Betrand's violin and the intervention of Polly, adds a visceral and impactful element to the scene.
  • The emotional impact of Polly's death and the subsequent burial in the park is a poignant moment that highlights the bond between Betrand, Kid, and Polly, as well as the harsh realities they face.
  • The revelation of Betrand's culinary advice to Sitterly, despite the mistreatment they faced, adds a layer of complexity to Betrand's character and hints at his motivations and values.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more internal thoughts or emotions for Betrand and Kid during the fight scene to deepen the characterization and enhance the emotional impact.
  • Explore the aftermath of Polly's death and the burial scene in more detail to fully capture the emotional weight of the loss and the bond between the characters.
  • Provide more context or background information on the bullies to understand their motivations or reasons for targeting Betrand, which can add depth to the conflict.
  • Consider incorporating a resolution or reflection on the consequences of the fight and Polly's death to show the impact on Betrand, Kid, and their relationship moving forward.
  • Further develop the dynamic between Betrand, Kid, and the old man in the café scene to explore themes of truth, memory, and redemption in a nuanced and compelling way.



Scene 38 -  The Fall of La Vérité
EXT. LA VÉRITE - SHOPPING DISTRICT - DAY

Seen through the opposite café, a lot of JOURNALIST,
PHOTOGRAPHERS AND TV PEOPLE gather around the entrance of La
Vérité. Big cars with chauffeurs enter the street.

Mayor Jim, Paris's mayor and the French consul arrive.

CONTNUED INT. CAFÉ OPPOSITE LA VÉRITÉ

BETRAND
The truth is fake these days.

OLD MAN
I have to go.

BETRAND
Please stay.

OLD MAN
If you don't mind. I have all the time
of the world.

BETRAND
Please.

KID
Do you know Bona Ferrara?

OLD MAN
Who is Bona?

KID
She works in the restaurant.

OLD MAN
Oh, that nice lady who keeps asking me
about her brown envelopes. All I know,
they didn't come from me. It's
intriging.

Their voices fade out. A clock on the wall shows it getting
later and later. Outside dusk falls.

OLD MAN
Can you now tell me why I had to stay?


Created using Celtx
115.


We are startled by sirens. AMBULANCES arrive at high speed
and all the press is back again.

EXT. LA VÉRITE - SHOPPING DISTRICT - DAY

The mayors and some GUESTS we don't recognize are brought out
on stretchers into the ambulances.

Bona is in the doorway. She looks across the street and sees
Betrand. To her, it is clear what happened.

INT. CAFÉ OPPOSITE LA VÉRITÉ - DAY

The TV in the café now shows the breaking news with a live
shot from Restaurant La Vérité.

INT. HOSPITAL - DAY

With a bouquet of flowers in hand, Bona visits Jim. Jim is in
the hospital bed, as a result of food poisoning, as Bona
enters the room.

JIM
You!

BONA
I brought you flowers.

JIM
Get out!

BONA
Me?

JIM
Get out, you stupid woman. I don't
want to see you anymore.

BONA
What's wrong, Jim?

JIM
You really have no idea what your
restaurant recommendations did to my
career. Get out, and don't come back.

BONA
My recommendations?

JIM
Your stupid restaurant.


Created using Celtx
116.


BONA
I never asked you to come, Jim. That
was you.

JIM
You could have gotten me killed!

BONA
Me? You barely got food poisoning.
Like people visiting the tropics
getting diarrhea. Or you had a wrong
combination of herbs. There must have
been something wrong in the recipe.
Besides, what have I to do with it?

JIM
Get out, Bona. And don't come back.

Bona puts the flowers on the bed. Cool and unmoved, she walks
to the door.

JIM
Find another job.

BONA
I have to. La Vérité will shut down
after all the fuss.
(Cont'd, angry)
And you're finished too.

.....................................

TRANSITION TO NEWS FLASHBACKS

It is approximately one week later. TV shows newspaper
headlines like 'NO MERRY CHRISTMAS FOR NEW YORK MAYOR'.
Newspapers flashback on what happened. Photos show a desolate
La Vérité.

Continue with the TV-flashback showing La Vérité. Curtains
hang irregularly, dirty windows. Behind the windows are
yellow dried plants that had their last water one week ago.
The nameplate La Vérité is crooked.

TV REPORTER (V.O.)
Truth is fragile and travels fast.
Today, La Vérité is officially closed.

A clerk sticks a poster on the front door. The poster says
FOR SALE with a telephone number of a real estate agent.



Created using Celtx
117.


TV REPORTER (V.O.)
Nobody got seriously ill or injured.
Nevertheless, one unfortunate day with
conflicting ingredients and light food
poisoning was enough to kill this up
and coming restaurant.

There is a glimpse of Betrand playing his violin on his usual
steps.

......................................

TRANSITION FROM TV TO LIVE
Genres: ["Drama","Mystery","Thriller"]

Summary The scene begins with journalists reporting on the closure of La Vérité, a restaurant forced to shut down after a food poisoning incident that hospitalized the mayor, Jim. In a flashback, we see the devastating aftermath, including news reports highlighting the restaurant's closure and the mayor's illness. A tense encounter unfolds between Bona, the restaurant owner, and Jim in the hospital. Jim, consumed by anger, blames Bona for his food poisoning and the destruction of his political career. Despite Bona's attempts to explain she had nothing to do with his visit to the restaurant, Jim remains unconvinced, leaving their conflict unresolved. The scene concludes with a somber news report confirming La Vérité's permanent closure, highlighting the devastating consequences of a single incident.
Strengths
  • Reveals a major plot twist
  • Intense and emotional confrontation between characters
  • Sets up future conflicts and developments
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue could be more nuanced and subtle

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is intense, dramatic, and reveals crucial information that impacts the story. The confrontation between Bona and Mayor Jim adds depth to their characters and sets up future conflicts.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene revolves around the consequences of the food poisoning incident at the restaurant and the fallout between Bona and Mayor Jim. It introduces a major plot twist and sets the stage for future developments.

Plot: 9

The plot of the scene is engaging and impactful, with the revelation of the food poisoning incident and the subsequent confrontation driving the narrative forward. It adds layers of complexity to the story and raises the stakes for the characters.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the restaurant industry and reputation management, with a focus on personal relationships and consequences. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters, especially Bona and Mayor Jim, are well-developed and their interactions in this scene reveal their motivations and conflicts. The scene deepens the audience's understanding of the characters and their relationships.

Character Changes: 7

The scene prompts character growth and change, especially for Bona and Mayor Jim as they confront the consequences of their actions. Their interactions reveal new facets of their personalities and motivations.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to maintain her composure and dignity in the face of accusations and betrayal. She wants to defend herself and her restaurant's reputation.

External Goal: 9

The protagonist's external goal is to clear her name and salvage her restaurant's reputation after a food poisoning incident. She also wants to confront the person responsible for the accusations.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is high, with Bona and Mayor Jim clashing over the restaurant incident and their respective roles in it. The tension between them drives the emotional intensity of the scene.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing accusations and betrayal that challenge her reputation and livelihood.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in the scene, as the characters face the fallout of the food poisoning incident and confront the truth about their actions. The outcome of their conflict has significant implications for their futures.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by revealing a major plot twist, deepening character conflicts, and setting up future developments. It propels the narrative towards new challenges and resolutions.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected accusations and revelations that challenge the protagonist's reputation and relationships.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict revolves around truth and perception. The protagonist is faced with false accusations and must navigate the consequences of misinformation and public perception.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene elicits strong emotions from the audience, particularly during the confrontation between Bona and Mayor Jim. The revelation of the food poisoning incident and its aftermath adds depth and intensity to the story.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is confrontational and emotionally charged, particularly during the exchange between Bona and Mayor Jim. It effectively conveys the tension and conflict between the characters.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its high emotional stakes, dramatic confrontations, and the mystery surrounding the food poisoning incident.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the outcome.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to standard screenplay conventions, making the scene easy to follow and visualize.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a traditional structure for a dramatic confrontation, building tension and conflict effectively.


Critique
  • The scene starts with a lot of chaos and commotion outside La Vérité, but it's not entirely clear what is happening until later in the scene. This can be confusing for the audience.
  • The dialogue between Betrand, Kid, and the old man lacks depth and significance. It feels disconnected from the main events happening outside the restaurant.
  • The transition from the café to the outside of La Vérité is abrupt and could be smoother to maintain the flow of the scene.
  • The confrontation between Bona and Jim in the hospital lacks emotional depth and intensity. The dialogue feels somewhat forced and could be more impactful.
  • The transition to the news flashbacks is sudden and could be better integrated into the scene to provide context and clarity.
Suggestions
  • Consider starting the scene with a clearer indication of the chaos outside La Vérité to set the tone and establish the main conflict early on.
  • Enhance the dialogue between Betrand, Kid, and the old man to make it more relevant to the unfolding events outside the restaurant.
  • Smooth out the transition between different locations and characters to improve the coherence and flow of the scene.
  • Add more emotional depth and intensity to the confrontation between Bona and Jim to make it more impactful and engaging for the audience.
  • Integrate the transition to the news flashbacks more seamlessly into the scene to provide context and enhance the storytelling.



Scene 39 -  The Violinist's Reward
EXT. SHOPPING DISTRICT - RESTAURANT - DAY

As usual, Betrand plays his violin, restored with tape (the
sound is scratchy, not nice).

Two police officers, accompanied by the private investigator
approach. They are led by Homeless John, excited and clearly
pointing to Betrand.

HOMELESS JOHN
I told you. There he is.

They stop at Betrand.

PRIVATE INVESTIGATOR
Good afternoon. You are Betrand
Dechamps, are you not?

At the same time, the private investigator examines the
picture he showed so often.

PRIVATE INVESTIGATOR
No question. It's you.

BETRAND
Yes, it is me.

PRIVATE INVESTIGATOR
Betrand Deschamps from France.

HOMELESS JOHN
(addressing the investigator)
My money, man! I told you!

Private investigator takes his wallet out.




Created using Celtx
118.


HOMELESS JOHN
I said so, I said so! He is here
everyday, man...
(beat)
... and him, too, that illegal
bastard...
(to Betrand)
They are here to fetch you. You and
that little nigga.
(to the investigator)
My money please. You found them. I
showed you, give me my money, man.

The investigator pays Homeless John.

OLD POLICEMAN
You don't need us anymore?

PRIVATE INVESTIGATOR
No, thank you very much.

Police officers leave.

HOMELESS JOHN
(to Betrand)
I warned you, motherfucker. No one
messes with John. No one. I won't
visit you in jail, motherfucker.

John leaves.

PRIVATE INVESTIGATOR
Excuse me, monsieur Dechamps. We have
to talk if that is okay to you.

.........................................................
Genres: ["Drama","Mystery"]

Summary Homeless John, who had offered a reward for information about street musician Betrand, arrives with two police officers and a private investigator. The investigator confirms Betrand's identity and pays John his reward. John, however, doesn't leave peacefully, instead threatening Betrand before departing. The scene ends with the investigator expressing interest in speaking with Betrand, leaving the audience to wonder about their upcoming conversation.
Strengths
  • Intense dialogue
  • Suspenseful atmosphere
  • Intriguing plot development
Weaknesses
  • Some elements of the scene may be predictable

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is intense and suspenseful, keeping the audience engaged with the unfolding mystery and the confrontation between Betrand and the investigator.


Story Content

Concept: 7

The concept of Betrand being questioned by the investigator adds depth to the storyline and raises questions about Betrand's past and identity.

Plot: 8

The plot thickens as Betrand is confronted by the investigator, adding tension and intrigue to the overall story.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the typical encounter between law enforcement and a suspect, adding layers of complexity through the homeless man's involvement and demands for money. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 7

The characters of Betrand and the investigator are well-developed and their interactions add depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 6

Betrand's character is challenged and questioned in this scene, leading to potential changes in his actions and motivations.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to maintain composure and handle the situation with the police and private investigator calmly. This reflects his desire to avoid trouble and protect himself.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to understand why he is being approached by the police and private investigator and to navigate the situation without escalating it.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between Betrand and the investigator is high, creating tension and driving the scene forward.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the homeless man's demands and the looming threat of legal trouble creating obstacles for the protagonist.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high as Betrand is questioned about his identity and past, potentially putting him in danger.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing new conflicts and raising questions about Betrand's past.

Unpredictability: 9

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected demands of the homeless man and the escalating tension between characters.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the clash between societal norms and individual survival instincts. The homeless man's demand for money and the protagonist's predicament highlight this conflict.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes tension and anxiety in the audience, creating an emotional impact.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is intense and confrontational, adding to the suspense and mystery of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the high stakes, tension between characters, and the unpredictability of the outcome.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension gradually and maintaining a sense of urgency.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with proper scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm contribute to its effectiveness.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear sense of tension and stakes, considering the buildup of the private investigator and police officers approaching Betrand. The confrontation with Homeless John feels forced and lacks depth.
  • The dialogue between Homeless John and the private investigator feels unnatural and overly dramatic, detracting from the authenticity of the scene.
  • The transition from the police officers leaving to Homeless John's aggressive behavior is abrupt and could be smoother to maintain the flow of the scene.
  • The characterization of Homeless John as a stereotypical aggressive and money-driven individual is one-dimensional and could benefit from more nuance and depth.
  • The resolution of the scene with Homeless John leaving after receiving his money feels anticlimactic and does not provide a satisfying conclusion to the tension built up.
Suggestions
  • Consider building up the confrontation between Betrand and the private investigator with more suspense and intrigue to engage the audience.
  • Refine the dialogue between Homeless John and the private investigator to make it more realistic and grounded in the characters' motivations.
  • Smooth out the transition between the police officers leaving and Homeless John's outburst to create a more seamless flow in the scene.
  • Add layers to Homeless John's character to make him more complex and multidimensional, moving away from stereotypes.
  • Consider a more impactful and satisfying resolution to the scene, perhaps with a twist or unexpected turn of events to keep the audience engaged.



Scene 40 -  A New Beginning at La Vérité
INT. BONA'S LIVING ROOM - DAY

Six weeks later. Kid and Gina enter the room. Kid lifts a
school bag from his shoulder.

MISS JEFFERSON
How was your day at school, children?

BONA
Did you make friends, François?

KID
I did, but they talk about games I
don't know.


Created using Celtx
119.


LITTLE GINA
Computer games.

KID
When will I see my father?

BONA
Betrand? I don't know.

KID
I haven't seen him for four weeks.

BONA
Six weeks.

KID
I do miss him.

MISS JEFFERSON
I am sure he won't forget you. I bet
he thinks about you every minute.

KID
Why can I not visit him?

BONA
You know he went to Europe. And you
are a scholar now.

Gina hands Bona an envelope.

LITTLE GINA
It was on the doormat.

Bona opens the envelope, takes out a card and reads the
content as she speaks.

BONA
An invitation. "La Vérité is going to
open under new management."

Bona hands the card to Granny.

BONA
(to Granny)
We are all invited for the official
opening. And they offered me a job.

As Granny reads the card and looks at the new logo -- La
nouvelle Vérité:



Created using Celtx
120.


MISS JEFFERSON
Who is the new manager?

KID
The old man! He used to be the owner.
He regretted he ever sold the
restaurant to Sitterly.

BONA
The old man? He knows everything about
food. I would like to work for him.

KID
I hope Betrand will be back in time.

GINA
There is a photo on the back of the
card.

Bona turns the card.

BONA
You were right, François.
(reads loud)
Mister Théodore Aranowitz will welcome
you. Must be the old man's name.

KID
Can we go?

BONA
Of course, we can go. I love that man.
Genres: ["Drama","Family"]

Summary Six weeks after the previous scene, Bona, Kid, Gina, and Miss Jefferson gather in Bona's living room. They receive an invitation to the reopening of La Vérité under new management, accompanied by a photo of the new manager, Mister Théodore Aranowitz. Kid recognizes the man as the restaurant's former owner. Bona is offered a job and eagerly expresses her desire to work for the old man. Meanwhile, Kid expresses hope that his father, Betrand, will return soon. Despite the excitement surrounding the reopening, there remains a sense of anticipation and uncertainty about Betrand's whereabouts and the future of La Vérité.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Hopeful tone
Weaknesses
  • Minimal conflict
  • Limited action

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively conveys emotional depth and sets up new possibilities for the characters, creating anticipation for future developments.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of reunion, hope, and new beginnings is well-executed, providing a strong foundation for character growth and plot advancement.

Plot: 7

The plot progresses by introducing the opportunity for Bona to work at La Vérité, adding a new layer of complexity to the story.

Originality: 7

The scene introduces a mix of personal and professional challenges for the characters, adding depth to their relationships and motivations.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters show vulnerability, longing, and resilience, deepening their emotional arcs and relationships.

Character Changes: 7

Kid shows growth and resilience in adapting to new circumstances, while Bona faces a new opportunity for personal and professional development.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene seems to be a desire for stability and connection, as evidenced by Kid's longing to see his father and Bona's consideration of a new job opportunity.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to attend the restaurant opening and potentially secure a job offer.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 4

The conflict is minimal in this scene, focusing more on emotional resolution and new opportunities.

Opposition: 7

The characters face opposition in the form of uncertainty about the future and potential changes in their lives.

High Stakes: 5

The stakes are moderate in this scene, focusing more on personal growth and new beginnings for the characters.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by introducing a new job opportunity for Bona and setting up potential conflicts and resolutions.

Unpredictability: 7

The scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected job offer and potential changes in the characters' lives.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

There is a potential philosophical conflict between the desire for stability and the excitement of new opportunities. Bona's decision to potentially take on a new job may challenge her sense of security and routine.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions of reunion, hope, and anticipation for the future, resonating with the audience.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue effectively conveys the characters' emotions and motivations, driving the scene forward.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the emotional depth of the characters and the potential for new opportunities and challenges.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene builds tension and excitement as the characters discuss the restaurant opening and job offer.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene is formatted in a clear and concise manner, making it easy to follow the characters' interactions and decisions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a natural progression of dialogue and actions, leading to the revelation of the restaurant opening and job offer.


Critique
  • The scene lacks depth and emotional impact considering the significant events that have transpired in the script leading up to this moment. There is an opportunity to explore the emotional turmoil Kid is experiencing due to Betrand's absence and his longing to see his father.
  • The dialogue feels somewhat superficial and could benefit from more nuanced interactions between the characters. Kid's yearning to see Betrand and Bona's response could be more emotionally charged and reflective of their relationship dynamics.
  • The scene could delve deeper into the complexities of the characters' emotions, especially Kid's sense of abandonment and Bona's conflicting feelings about her job offer and loyalty to Betrand.
  • There is a lack of tension or conflict in the scene, which could be introduced to add depth and intrigue to the interaction between the characters.
  • The scene could benefit from more visual cues or actions to enhance the storytelling and convey the characters' emotions non-verbally.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding layers to the dialogue to reflect the characters' internal struggles and emotional depth. Explore Kid's feelings of abandonment and Bona's conflicting emotions about her job offer and loyalty to Betrand.
  • Introduce a sense of tension or conflict in the scene to make it more engaging and reflective of the characters' internal conflicts.
  • Enhance the visual storytelling by incorporating actions or gestures that convey the characters' emotions and add depth to the scene.
  • Explore the relationship dynamics between the characters more deeply to create a more compelling and emotionally resonant scene.
  • Consider revisiting the scene to infuse it with more emotional depth and complexity, aligning it with the significant events that have unfolded in the script leading up to this moment.



Scene 41 -  The Unveiling of La Nouvelle Vérité
EXT. RESTAURANT LA NOUVELLE VÉRITÉ - DAY

The facade of La Vérité is clean. Nice banners with the logo
communicate a new image of quality. Balloons and garlands
decorate the entrance.

Bona Ferrara, nicely dressed, is impressed. She enters La
nouvelle Vérité, accompanied by Granny, Kid and Gina.

LITTLE GINA
It's nice we were invited, too.

INT. RESTAURANT LA NOUVELLE VÉRITÉ - DAY

In the renovated interior, it is rather busy. MEN are in
suits, WOMEN nicely dressed. In the beckground is Demario in
his white jacket. There is violin music. The violin music
makes Kid act emotional. Without a word, he leaves the group.


Created using Celtx
121.


Bona bumps into a man in suit, the French lawyer, Mr.
Beauvais.

MR. BEAUVAIS
Excusez moi.

Mr. Taylor draws closer with a glass of champagne in each
hand.

MR. TAYLOR
You must be Bona Ferrara.

The private investigator nears. He introduces himself and
takes Granny's hand.

PRIVATE INVESTIGATOR
You must be Miss Jefferson.

He bows towards little Gina.

PRIVATE INVESTIGATOR (CONT'D)
(to Gina)
And you, young lady, are the Miss Gina
Ferrara Betrand talked about, I
suppose? Where is Kid?

Everybody in the group wonders and looks around. They do not
really panic; however, tension rises when Gina alerts her
mother.

LITTLE GINA
The music made him sad.

BONA
Granny, look after Gina. I'll be back
in a minute. I have to check...

Bona walks out the door.

EXT. SHOPPING DISTRICT - RESTAURANT - DAY

On the steps, next to the restaurant, she finds Kid crying.
Bona sits besides him.

KID
Where is Betrand? That violin music. I
miss him so much.

BONA
Don't cry. He will come. Has he ever
let you down?


Created using Celtx
122.


KID
Never.

BONA
Well, come inside. I'll stay with you.

KID
I cannot.

BONA
Gina will miss you.

KID
Where is Betrand?

BONA
Maybe on the plane. He comes from
Paris.

KID
How could he travel to Paris? He has
no money. He came on a cargo boat like
me.

BONA
Has he ever lied to you?

KID
Never.

BONA
Well?

Kid calms down.

BONA
He taught you to look forward, Kid.

KID
François.

BONA
Come, François.

INT. RESTAURANT LA NOUVELLE VÉRITÉ - DAY

The old man, Théodore Aranowitz, welcomes Bona and Kid both
at the door.

OLD MAN
Let's begin!


Created using Celtx
123.


In the restaurant, visitors look in the same direction. Bona
and Kid have to find a way through to see a man in a white
chef's costume and hat in front of the visitors, facing the
group. It is Betrand; because of his outfit AND BECAUSE HE
SHAVED HIS BEARD, he is not recognized. Not even by Bona,
Granny or Gina. He starts talking:

BETRAND
Dear friends...

Kid immediately recognizes Betrand's voice. He cannot help,
but now cries out loudly.

BETRAND
Dear friends, welcome to La Nouvelle
Vérité, a New Reality.
(loudly)
Kid, please come forward?

BONA
Kid, go on. The man calls you.

BETRAND
Kid, come over and stand beside me.

Kid steps forward. Visitors in expectation start to applause.

As Kid stands besides Betrand, still crying, Betrand, with
his hand on Kid's shoulder, continues.

BETRAND
La nouvelle Vérité will offer a new
future. For our guests at the table
and for young students in our kitchen.

Applause.

BETRAND
I will be happy to be back in the
kitchen. But I also like to introduce
you to my sous chef.

Sitterly enters, well groomed and dressed in snow white
chef's costume.

BETRAND
Yes, you know him as mr. Sitterly.
Indeed.., we had our contradictions,
but in this world there should be no
place for hatred; it's God who tells
us to forgive. Besides that, I can


Created using Celtx
124.


tell you Sitterly is an excellent cook
if he focuses on that and as long as
he has strong recipes.

Betrand and Sitterly, emotional, shake hands.
There is applause.

BETRAND
I'm not yet finished... Of course La
Nouvelle Vérité needs outstanding
service too. So..,
Bona Ferrara, I ask you, will you be
my partner? I know you love the job.

Kid runs from Betrand into Bona's arms. People turn their
heads to Bona.

MISS JEFFERSON
This pretty much sounds like a
marriage proposal.

Visitors step aside and make room. Bona, now knowing who is
talking...

BONA
(lowly)
...Betrand?

... Bona, a bit confused, walks up to Betrand.

Visitors applause again.

Betrand and Bona meet in front of the people with a shy
handshake. They don't kiss, but look each other in the eyes,
and then they hold hands.

Beat.

Bona remains a bit flabbergasted. Betrand ends his speech,
Bona's hand still in his. It's getting formal.

BETRAND
No opening is complete without a word
of thanks. And maybe explanation.
Please, Mr. Banner, will you step
forward?

Mr. BANNER, owner of a large food company, steps forward.

Demario, dressed in his white classic waiter jacket, with
cloth over his arm and thin white gloves -he served the


Created using Celtx
125.


guests- and old Man Mr. Theodore Aranowitz applaud with all
the others.

BETRAND (CONT'D)
Six years ago, Mr. Banner asked me to
use one of my recipes. He made the now
world famous Banner Sauce out of it.
Last week in Paris, Mr. Banner forced
me to sign his license contract. After
which he paid the past six years of
royalties, which made it possible for
me to buy the old Vérité.
(beat)
I would like to give a toast to Mr.
Banner and our guest of honor, Mr.
Theodore Aranowitz.

MR. BANNER
After Betrand's restaurant burned
down, I've been looking for him for
three years.
With the help of my French friends and
a skilled investigator, to pay his
share.

Betrand, Bona and Banner toast in front of the public. Kid
stands proudly besides them.




FADE OUT

........................................................

THE END

........................................................

START CREDITS OVER BLACK

Main credits


FADE IN




Created using Celtx
126.
Genres: ["Drama","Family","Romance"]

Summary Bona and Kid arrive at the newly renovated La Nouvelle Vérité, only to find Betrand missing. Kid is distraught, believing Betrand has lied to him. Bona reassures him and their concerns are quelled when Betrand, disguised as the chef, emerges and gives a speech announcing the restaurant's grand opening. He introduces Sitterly as his sous chef and proposes a partnership to Bona, which she accepts. The scene ends with a celebratory toast, signifying a new beginning and the promise of a successful venture for Betrand and Bona.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Heartwarming reunion
  • Authentic character interactions
Weaknesses
  • Limited exploration of past conflicts
  • Predictable resolution

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is emotionally impactful, well-paced, and sets up a hopeful and heartwarming resolution for the characters. The dialogue is engaging, and the themes of forgiveness and new beginnings are effectively portrayed.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of forgiveness, redemption, and new opportunities is well-executed in the scene. The idea of rebuilding relationships and starting fresh is central to the narrative.

Plot: 8

The plot revolves around the reopening of La Nouvelle Vérité and the reunion of Betrand, Kid, and Bona. It effectively resolves previous conflicts and sets the stage for new developments.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces unique characters, emotional conflicts, and unexpected plot twists, creating an authentic and engaging narrative that feels fresh and original.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters, especially Betrand, Kid, and Bona, show growth, forgiveness, and resilience in this scene. Their interactions are authentic and heartfelt, adding depth to the narrative.

Character Changes: 8

Betrand, Kid, and Bona all experience growth and transformation in the scene. They show resilience, forgiveness, and a willingness to embrace new opportunities.

Internal Goal: 9

Bona's internal goal is to find Betrand and reassure Kid, reflecting her caring nature and sense of responsibility towards her family.

External Goal: 8

Bona's external goal is to partner with Betrand in his restaurant, reflecting her passion for the job and desire for success.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 4

While there are tensions and past conflicts hinted at in the scene, the focus is more on resolution, forgiveness, and moving forward.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create tension and conflict, keeping the audience on edge and unsure of the outcome, adding depth and complexity to the narrative.

High Stakes: 5

While there are personal stakes involved for the characters, the scene focuses more on emotional resolution and new beginnings rather than high-stakes drama.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by resolving past conflicts, introducing new dynamics, and setting the stage for future developments at La Nouvelle Vérité.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected reunion between Betrand and the characters, as well as the emotional twists and turns that keep the audience guessing.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict revolves around forgiveness, redemption, and second chances, challenging the characters' beliefs about trust, loyalty, and personal growth.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions of hope, love, and reconciliation. The reunion between Betrand, Kid, and Bona is heartwarming and resonates with the audience.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is emotional, engaging, and reveals the characters' inner thoughts and feelings. It drives the scene forward and enhances the relationships between the characters.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its emotional depth, character dynamics, and unexpected plot developments, keeping the audience invested in the story and characters.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension, emotion, and suspense, creating a dynamic and engaging rhythm that enhances the overall impact of the scene.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows standard formatting conventions for a screenplay, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting, enhancing readability and clarity.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with well-defined character arcs, conflicts, and resolutions, maintaining a cohesive and engaging narrative flow.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear transition from the emotional moment with Kid to the formal event at the restaurant, causing a disconnect in the flow of the story.
  • The emotional impact of Kid recognizing Betrand is overshadowed by the sudden shift to the formal event, diminishing the significance of their reunion.
  • The dialogue feels rushed and lacks depth, especially in the interactions between the characters during the event at the restaurant.
  • The scene could benefit from more character development and exploration of the relationships between Betrand, Bona, Kid, and the other characters present.
  • There is a lack of visual descriptions and details to create a vivid and engaging setting for the scene, making it feel flat and lacking in atmosphere.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a smoother transition between the emotional moment with Kid and the formal event at the restaurant to maintain the emotional resonance of the scene.
  • Focus on building up the emotional impact of Kid recognizing Betrand by giving it more space and depth in the dialogue and interactions.
  • Take the time to develop the dialogue between the characters to make their interactions more meaningful and engaging for the audience.
  • Enhance the visual descriptions and setting details to create a more immersive and atmospheric scene that draws the audience in.
  • Explore the relationships between the characters further to add depth and complexity to their interactions, especially during significant moments like the reunion at the restaurant.



Scene 42 -  A Star Rises, Gratitude Shines
INT. LARGE IMPRESSIVE HALL - DAY

SUPERIMPOSE: 20 YEARS LATER

At an official ceremony in a hall, such as an impressive
atrium of a museum, a black man in a chef's uniform, FRANCOIS
DESCHAMPS, is honored in front of a lot of visitors and
press.

OFFICIAL
I am honored to congratulate François
Deschamps with achieving his third
Michelin Star as one of the youngest
chefs in America.

Francois Deschamps, or Kid, now 32 years old, with tears in
his eyes, points at OLDER BETRAND, 60 years old, now in the
corner, sitting beside 55 years old OLDER BONA and 28 years
old OLDER GINA.

KID
I am honored. Of course. But I cannot
accept this honor without thanking my
mentor. Don't interview me. Ask him,
my mentor who truly is like a father,
for me.

FADE OUT.

..........................................................

END CREDITS OVER BLACK




Created using Celtx
Genres: ["Drama","Family","Inspirational"]

Summary François Deschamps, a young, Black chef, is awarded a Michelin Star at a grand ceremony. Overwhelmed with emotion, he publicly thanks his mentor, Bertrand, for his guidance, refusing any credit for himself. The scene is filled with warmth and appreciation as François's gratitude for his mentor shines brightly.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Theme exploration
Weaknesses
  • Minimal conflict
  • Slightly predictable resolution

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is emotionally impactful, moving the story forward significantly while showcasing character growth and the importance of relationships.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of mentorship and the passing of knowledge and legacy is central to the scene, driving the emotional core of the story.

Plot: 8

The plot advances as Kid achieves a significant milestone in his career, with Betrand's mentorship playing a crucial role in his success.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh approach to the familiar theme of success and mentorship, focusing on the emotional complexity of gratitude and humility. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds depth and originality to the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters, especially Betrand and Kid, are well-developed and their relationship is deeply explored, adding depth and emotion to the scene.

Character Changes: 8

Kid undergoes significant growth and transformation, from a mentee to a successful chef, showcasing the impact of mentorship.

Internal Goal: 9

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to express gratitude and acknowledge the mentor who played a significant role in his success. This reflects his deeper need for connection, validation, and humility.

External Goal: 8

The protagonist's external goal is to accept the honor of the third Michelin Star and show appreciation for his mentor. This reflects the immediate circumstances of the ceremony and the challenges of balancing personal success with gratitude.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 4

The conflict is minimal in this scene, focusing more on resolution and emotional payoff.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create tension and conflict, as the protagonist's decision to redirect the attention challenges the status quo and creates uncertainty for the audience.

High Stakes: 6

While the stakes are not life-threatening, the emotional stakes are high as Kid achieves a significant milestone in his career.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward by showcasing Kid's achievement and the culmination of Betrand's mentorship.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the protagonist's unexpected decision to redirect the attention to his mentor, challenging the audience's expectations and adding depth to the narrative.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the themes of mentorship, gratitude, and humility. It challenges the protagonist's beliefs about success, recognition, and the importance of acknowledging those who have helped him along the way.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 10

The scene is highly emotionally impactful, evoking feelings of gratitude, pride, and reflection.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is heartfelt and impactful, conveying the emotions and gratitude between the characters effectively.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its emotional depth, authentic character interactions, and the tension between personal success and gratitude. The audience is drawn into the protagonist's journey and invested in his relationships.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension, emotion, and character development. The rhythm of the dialogue and actions keeps the audience engaged and invested in the protagonist's journey.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with proper scene headings, dialogue formatting, and descriptions. The visual elements are well-crafted and enhance the overall impact of the scene.

Structure: 9

The scene follows the expected format for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm contribute to its effectiveness, building tension and emotion throughout.


Critique
  • The scene serves as a powerful conclusion to the screenplay, showcasing the growth and success of the characters over the span of 20 years.
  • The emotional moment where Kid, now Francois Deschamps, acknowledges and honors his mentor, Bertrand, adds depth and closure to their relationship.
  • The use of the Michelin Star award ceremony as a backdrop creates a sense of achievement and recognition for the characters.
  • The inclusion of Older Bertrand, Older Bona, and Older Gina in the scene ties back to their importance in Kid's journey and highlights the passage of time.
  • The dialogue is impactful and heartfelt, emphasizing the gratitude and respect Kid feels towards Bertrand.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief flashback or montage to show key moments in Kid's journey from a homeless child to a successful chef, providing more context for the audience.
  • Explore incorporating visual cues or symbols that represent the themes of mentorship, family, and growth throughout the scene.
  • Ensure that the emotional weight of Kid's gratitude towards Bertrand is effectively conveyed through the actors' performances and the overall tone of the scene.
  • Consider adding a closing shot that symbolizes the enduring bond between Kid and Bertrand, leaving a lasting impression on the audience.
  • Overall, focus on maintaining the emotional resonance and thematic consistency of the scene to deliver a satisfying conclusion to the screenplay.