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Scene 1 -  Childhood Play and Adult Conversations
FADE IN

EXT. SUBURBAN BACKYARD - DAY (CHILDHOOD FLASHBACK)
In a quaint backyard, two seven-year-old girls, LEAH and
MAGGIE, are seated at a miniature table within a playhouse.
The table is adorned with toy plates and utensils, while a
play doll occupies a chair between them.
Dressed in 90's attire, both sport oversized Saved by the
Bell t-shirts, casually knotted at the side.

MAGGIE
Come and eat. The ice cream is melting,
and our baby is hungry.
LEAH
We can't have a baby, silly!
MAGGIE
Why not?
LEAH
(With conviction)
You need a daddy to have a baby!
Maggie ignores Leah's conviction.
MAGGIE
(Enthused)
Our baby has two mommies! Can we
eat now?
Maggie picks up her toy spoon, tapping the pretend bowl
methodically four times. Leah humors her friend's enthusiasm,
mock feeding the doll. Suddenly, Maggie's joy turns into
alarm.
MAGGIE (CONT'D)
Leah! Tap four times or it won't
work!
Maggie starts to sob.
LEAH
What won't work?
MAGGIE
Our Baby's not safe!
Caught off guard, Leah swiftly taps her play spoon four times
on the pretend bowl.
2.

LEAH
I did it Mags, our baby is safe now.
Maggie can't stop the tears. Leah, maternal beyond her years,
comforts her friend with a hug.
As the girls embrace, the camera zooms in on the three small
birds perched on the fence behind them. Their presence
seemingly holding a deeper, heartfelt significance.
FADE TO:

EXT. BROOKLYN, NY - KNAPP STREET AND AVENUE W. - NIGHT
SUPER: 2006 - BASED ON TRUE EVENTS
An early-2000s Hyundai parks on the corner of the busy street,
dark secrecy lurks beneath its pale glow.

INT. LEAH'S CAR - CONTINUOUS
Now 21, a feminine boyish-looking Leah talks with her sister,
GAB, on her Nokia cell phone. Leah checks herself in the
review-mirror, wipes under her nose, suggesting a darker habit.
LEAH
We’re hanging out Tonight. I
really like her. Ever since we met,
I’ve just felt...

GAB (V.O.)
Felt what?
LEAH
Different. I can't explain it. I know
it's only been a few weeks, but I can
tell this one's different, Gab.
GAB (V.O.)
Mm-hmm. And where are you two
going?
LEAH
Gonna see some singer she likes.
One of those emo "I wanna kill
myself" types. Right up my fucking
alley.
GAB (V.O.)
I’m not sure about this. I know
this girl. She's nice.
3.

LEAH
(Offended)
And I’m what?
GAB (V.O.)
You think your good looks and wit
are always gonna cut it, don’t you?
Leah scoffs but then grows pensive, staring into the night
through the car window.
Gab sighs heavily in frustration.
GAB
Unfortunately Le, pain is usually
the biggest catalyst for change.
Leah rolls her eyes but falls silent, her expression turning
contemplative as Gab’s words sink in.

INT. NYC TOWN HALL MUSIC VENUE - MAIN ROOM - NIGHT
Leah and JUNIE (27), a green-eyed feminine woman sit at a
table. JENNY LEWIS and the WATSON TWINS perform on stage.
Junie sways to the music, her eyes sparkling with delight as
she listens to Jenny's mesmerizing voice. Leah, emotionally
distant, nods along while Junie is absorbed in the music.
JUNIE
I love this song! Don't you love
Jenny's voice?
LEAH
Yeah! So good.
Leah rolls her eyes and huffs as Junie turns away.
FADE TO:

INT. NYC TOWN HALL MUSIC VENUE - MAIN ROOM - LATER
The stage is empty, and the audience begins to disperse. Leah
leaps onto the stage, swiftly plucking a piece of paper from the
piano. She hurries back to the table and passes the paper to
Junie.
Junie's expression mirrors that of a love-struck teenager,
utterly captivated by Leah's impulsive act.
JUNIE
I can't believe you just did that!
4.

Junie gazes at the paper.
JUNIE (CONT'D)
“You are what you love, and not what
loves you back.” God, it's so true.
(Looks back up at Leah)
I’m going to keep this forever!
LEAH
Worth it to see you smile like that.
Leah smirks proudly at her rebellious action. Junie tries to
hide her blushing. A beat.
LEAH (CONT'D)
Hey...are you hungry?
JUNIE
Starving.
The two stares at each other with emotions bubbling beneath
the surface.
LEAH
I'll be right back.
Leah kisses Junie's cheek and walks away. Junie watches Leah
leave with love-stoned eyes.

INT. NYC TOWN HALL MUSIC VENUE - BATHROOM STALL - LATER
Inside a dimly lit stall, Leah hastily stands up, her
movements slightly unsteady. There's a brief sound of
SNORTING, followed by a moment of intense relief on her face.
She takes a moment to compose herself, straightening her
clothes and wiping her nose. Leah checks her appearance in
the mirror, visibly disoriented but trying to regain her
composure, before calmly walking out of the stall.

INT. ROLL-N-ROOSTER - NIGHT
Leah and Junie savor cheese fries at a corner table in the
bustling late-night cafe. It's a post-bar haven for night
owls.
LEAH
So, if the hours are so long and
your boss is so relentless, why go
for Art Director?
5.

JUNIE
Art, it's like beautiful chaos,
totally exhausting... but I'm a bit
of a workaholic."
(Takes a moment, inhales
deeply)
When it comes to my boss, I guess I
prefer dealing with the devil I
know.
Leah gazes at Junie, intrigued. Junie reaches for a fry, Leah
notices Junie's tattoo on her wrist. She gently touches
Junie's wrist, tracing the tattoo reading "Halcyon".
LEAH
You never explained this.
JUNIE
It's a type of bird but it represents
calm and peaceful days.
LEAH
And it's on your wrist because...?
JUNIE
Because my life has been anything but.
Leah nods and studies Junie.
LEAH
Ever have periods of it?
Junie smirks and she shakes her head no. A hint of pain in
her eyes.
LEAH (CONT'D)
(Dips a fry in the cheese
and eats)
Had your fair share of heartbreaks,
I assume.
JUNIE
I tend to fall for the straight
girl, damsel in distress types.
LEAH
Well, what could possibly go wrong
there?
They share a knowing sarcastic look.
LEAH (CONT'D)
Ever think about why that is?
6.

JUNIE
Do you psychoanalyze all the women
you date?
LEAH
Just the ones I jump on stages and
steal famous musicians' documents for.
Junie, amused, contemplates answering Leah's question.
JUNIE
You really want to know?
Leah, looking intrigued, nods her head yes.
JUNIE (CONT'D)
Okay... My older brother is a raging
alcoholic, my older sister is the town
whore. That didn't go over so well for
my beat cop father and Stepford Wives
mother. The only way my parents knew I
was even alive was to help with those
two train wrecks. I guess the cycle
continued.
LEAH
Ah, the hero child.
JUNIE
You're familiar?
LEAH
With family dysfunction? Very.
Leah reaches across the table for Junie's hand, staring
deeply at each other, they share an unspoken understanding.
Genres: ["Drama","Romance"]

Summary In this scene, two seven-year-old girls, Leah and Maggie, play in a backyard and pretend to have a baby. Maggie becomes upset when Leah doesn't tap the spoon on the bowl four times, but Leah eventually taps the spoon, comforting Maggie. The scene then transitions to Leah as a 21-year-old in her car, talking to her sister Gab on the phone about her new love interest. Leah and Junie later share a moment at a music venue and have a conversation about their past experiences. Leah snorts something in the bathroom stall before leaving. Leah and Junie then enjoy cheese fries at a cafe, discussing their past heartbreaks and family dysfunction. The scene ends with Leah leaving to get something before continuing their conversation.
Strengths
  • Natural dialogue
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
Weaknesses
  • Limited external conflict

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene effectively establishes the tone and emotional depth of the story, introduces compelling characters, and sets up potential conflicts and themes.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring the complexities of relationships and personal struggles is engaging and relatable.

Plot: 7

The plot in this scene is focused on establishing the connection between Leah and Junie and hinting at potential conflicts and obstacles they may face.

Originality: 9

This scene demonstrates a level of originality through its exploration of LGBTQ+ themes and relationships, as well as its portrayal of complex family dynamics. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and true to life, adding to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed and their interactions reveal their personalities, desires, and vulnerabilities.

Character Changes: 7

Leah shows growth and vulnerability in her interactions with Junie, hinting at potential character development.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to find a sense of belonging and connection. This is reflected in Leah's desire to feel different and her search for a meaningful relationship.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to go on a date with Junie and have a good time at the music venue. This reflects the immediate circumstances of their plans for the evening.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

The conflict in this scene is more internal and emotional, setting up potential conflicts to come.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in this scene is not very strong, as the conflicts and challenges faced by the protagonist are more internal and emotional. However, there is still a sense of tension and opposition between Leah and Gab's differing beliefs and between Leah's desire for change and her fear of pain.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes in this scene are more emotional and personal, setting up potential conflicts and challenges for the characters.

Story Forward: 7

The scene establishes the connection between Leah and Junie and hints at potential conflicts and obstacles, moving the story forward.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it introduces unexpected elements, such as Leah's impulsive act of stealing a document and her confession about her family background. These elements add layers to the story and create anticipation for what will happen next.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

There is a philosophical conflict evident in this scene between Leah's desire for change and Gab's belief that pain is the catalyst for change. This challenges Leah's belief that she can rely on her looks and wit to navigate relationships.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from nostalgia to pain to hope, creating a strong emotional impact.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is natural, engaging, and reveals important information about the characters and their relationships.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it introduces compelling characters, explores their emotions and relationships, and raises questions about their past and future. The dialogue and actions create tension and intrigue, keeping the audience invested in the story.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by balancing moments of introspection and emotional depth with moments of dialogue and action. The rhythm of the scene keeps the audience engaged and invested in the characters' journey.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, with proper use of scene headings, action lines, and dialogue. The formatting enhances the readability and clarity of the scene.

Structure: 8

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings, descriptions, and dialogue. The transitions between different locations and time periods are handled smoothly.


Critique
  • The scene starts off with a strong visual description of the suburban backyard, but it could benefit from more sensory details to fully immerse the reader in the setting.
  • The dialogue between Leah and Maggie feels authentic for their age, but it could be enhanced by adding more subtext and emotional depth to their conversation.
  • The transition from the childhood flashback to Leah as a 21-year-old in her car is abrupt and could be smoother. Consider adding a transitional element or a brief connecting scene to bridge the gap.
  • The dialogue between Leah and Gab in the car lacks subtlety and feels a bit on-the-nose. Explore ways to convey their concerns and conflicts more subtly through subtext and non-verbal cues.
  • The transition from the car to the music venue is seamless, but the emotional distance between Leah and Junie could be better established through their actions and body language.
  • The dialogue between Leah and Junie at the music venue feels superficial and lacks depth. Consider delving deeper into their emotions and motivations to create a more meaningful conversation.
  • The scene in the bathroom stall where Leah snorts something feels out of place and disconnected from the rest of the scene. Consider integrating this element more seamlessly into Leah's character development.
  • The dialogue between Leah and Junie at the cafe is engaging, but it could benefit from more organic and nuanced exchanges. Explore ways to make their conversation feel more natural and authentic.
Suggestions
  • Add sensory details to the suburban backyard scene to fully immerse the reader in the setting. Describe the smell of freshly cut grass, the warmth of the sun on their skin, or the sound of birds chirping in the background.
  • Infuse Leah and Maggie's dialogue with more subtext and emotional depth. Show their conflicting desires and fears through their words and actions, rather than explicitly stating them.
  • Consider adding a transitional element or a brief connecting scene between the childhood flashback and Leah in her car to create a smoother transition.
  • Explore ways to convey Leah and Gab's concerns and conflicts more subtly through subtext and non-verbal cues. Show their underlying tension through their body language, facial expressions, or pauses in their conversation.
  • Establish the emotional distance between Leah and Junie at the music venue through their actions and body language. Show Leah's disinterest or detachment, and Junie's longing or disappointment.
  • Delve deeper into Leah and Junie's emotions and motivations during their conversation at the music venue. Explore their vulnerabilities, fears, and desires to create a more meaningful and impactful exchange.
  • Integrate Leah's habit of snorting something more seamlessly into her character development. Show the consequences or implications of her actions to add depth and complexity to her character.
  • Make Leah and Junie's conversation at the cafe feel more natural and authentic by incorporating pauses, interruptions, and non-verbal cues. Allow their dialogue to flow organically and reflect the complexities of their emotions.



Scene 2 -  Support and Tension: A Morning with Leah's Family
INT. JUNIE'S APARTMENT - BEDROOM - DAY
Sunlight seeps through the curtains, casting a warm glow in
the room. A cozy mess of sheets reveals Junie and Leah, their
bodies intertwined in each other's arms.
Junie's bedroom exudes an indie rock vibe with posters
adorning the walls, a guitar hanging like art, and a vintage
record player perched at the edge of the bed.
JUNIE
(Whispering, her lips
brushing against Leah's
ear)
Good morning beautiful.
7.

LEAH
(Her eyes fluttering open)
Good morning, Sunshine. Ready to
face my batshit crazy family at my
Grandpa's wake?
Junie flashes a comforting smile, gently entangling her
fingers with Leah's.
JUNIE
I’m sure they aren't crazy. Gab's
not.
LEAH
You obviously don't know my sister
that well.
JUNIE
(Playful eye roll)
I'm looking forward to meeting
them. I'm sure they are wonderful.
LEAH
I actually call my Dad Mr. Wonderful.
JUNIE
Why?
LEAH
Well, his raging drug and alcohol
problem makes being around him a
really pleasant experience.
JUNIE
You know, you have a habit of using
humor to deflect serious topics.
LEAH
So, what I'm hearing is... you
think I'm funny.
Junie smirks. A beat.
JUNIE
Is Maggie going to be there?
LEAH
Yeah, probably late though. Her
rituals make her late for everything.
JUNIE
Her OCD is really that bad?
8.

LEAH
Just be prepared. She's an acquired
taste.
Leah and Junie smile at each other sarcastically.
JUNIE
Okay, I’m getting in the shower. Coffee?
Leah smiles and nods her head. She patiently waits for Junie
to exit.
As Junie leaves the room, Leah swiftly retrieves a small
hidden box concealed beneath the bed, moving with practiced
speed. From it, retrieves several pills, placing them into
her mouth and allowing them to dissolve momentarily.
Then, swiftly and methodically, she crushes the pills,
transforming them into fine powder on the floor. With a
decisive motion, she snorts the residue, seeking solace in
this familiar, troubling pattern.
Her body sags, resting against the bed post as her momentary
relief descends into an unsettling discomfort.

INT. JUNIE'S APARTMENT - KITCHEN - MOMENTS LATER
The kitchen exudes homeliness; sunlight filters through the
dusty glass window, casting diffused shadows that dance
across the faded tiles and handmade oak cabinets.
Leah, pale and trembling, is hunched over the counter. She
pours coffee into worn mugs while her other hand clenches
over her chest, hiding the evidence of her troubled
breathing.

INT. JUNIE'S APARTMENT - BEDROOM - SAME TIME
Junie enters her vacant bedroom, her hair and body wrapped in
a towel. Her gaze falls upon a small, fragmented straw lying
on the floor, bearing traces of residue. A look of puzzlement
crosses her face as she examines it closely.

INT. JUNIE'S APARTMENT - KITCHEN - MOMENTS LATER.
Junie enters the cozy scene with a sense of caution,
immediately noticing the disparity of Leah's state.
JUNIE
Hey, are you okay?
9.

Leah tries to mask her discomfort, by forcing a poorly
executed playful smirk and shrugs nonchalantly.
JUNIE (CONT'D)
Leah, what's wrong?
LEAH
I'm just not feeling the greatest.
JUNIE
Okay... What are you feeling?
Leah remains silent, her fear visible.
JUNIE (CONT'D)
Talk to me, Leah!
Junie looks at her expectantly.
LEAH
Shit. Okay.
(Takes a deep breath)
I took some pain killers. I’m
feeling a little shaky.
Junie is visible taken aback. She pauses then walks over to
the sink, fills a glass with water and hands it to Leah.
JUNIE
Sit down, drink this. Let’s take
some deep breaths together.
Leah and Junie sit at the cluttered kitchen table and take a
few calming breaths.
JUNIE (CONT'D)
Any better?
Leah nods wordlessly.
JUNIE (CONT'D)
Why are you taking medicine now?
LEAH
I take it when I'm stressed.
JUNIE
Is that often?
Leah's pale face tinges with a hint of embarrassment. She
raises her eyes to meet Junie's, the guilt flowing freely.
Junie grab's Leah's hand.
10.

JUNIE (CONT'D)
It's okay Le, you can talk to me.
Leah's eyes well up with tears, her throat tightens, making
it hard to speak.
LEAH
I’m sorry, Junie. I can't right
now.
Junie lovingly looks at Leah and cradles her face in her
hands.
JUNIE
Hey, hey. It's okay baby, we'll
talk later. Okay?

Leah bobs her head in agreement as some bottled-up tears
escape. Junie comforts Leah but still some confusion lingers
in her expression.

INT. MANGANO'S FUNERAL HOME - MAIN ROOM - DAY
Leah, wearing her usual no-nonsense countenance, and Junie,
her apprehensive support system, step into the funeral home.
Leah's family populates the viewing area.
JACK, Leah's stoic father, stands by his father's casket. He
gives Leah a curt nod. He rushes over, expressionless.
JACK
Nice of you to show up. Go start
saying hello.
Jack does not acknowledge Junie. He walks away.
LEAH
(To Junie)
He’s always this friendly. Don't
let the wake fool you.
Leah and Alyssa snake their way towards a TRIO OF WOMEN in
the back of the room - Leah's siblings, Gabriella, icy stare
in tow, and cherubic MADISON (18), along with their tender-
hearted mother, DEBBIE (53).
MADISON
Hey, Le.
Madison engulfs Leah in a hug, casting a wary glance at Gab.
11.

DEBBIE
(Hugs Leah, tissue in
hand)
Have you spoken to your father yet?
LEAH
Of course, I said hello to Mr.
Wonderful. Mom, this is Junie.
JUNIE
Hi, Debbie. I'm so sorry for your
loss.
DEBBIE
(Dabs her eye with the
tissue)
Hi, Honey. Nice to meet you.
Gab interjects.
GAB
(To Leah, aggressive)
Why are you late?
JUNIE
Hey, I'm sorry, my fault, actually.
Underestimated the Belt Parkway
rush.
MADISON
Aw, that’s cute. You're already
lying for her.
LEAH
(With Sarcasm)
Junie, this is Madison, my
delightful little sister.
Madison proudly smirks at her sister's remarks. Junie,
clearly alarmed by Madison's comment, makes a conscious
effort to shake it off, attempting to maintain her composure
despite the unsettling nature of the situation.
JUNIE
Hi, Madison.
(To Leah)
I’m just running to the restroom.
I’ll be right back.
Leah nods, Junie walks away.
DEBBIE
She seems like a nice girl, Le.
12.

LEAH
She's special, Mom. I really like her.
(Leah looks around the
room)
Has anyone seen Maggie?
DEBBIE
I saw her earlier. She's probably in the
bathroom scrubbing her hands again.
(To Madison)
Why don’t you go up with your
sister to see Grandpa.
Madison nods and her and Leah walk to the casket. Debbie and
Gab remain in the back of the room.
GAB
She's a fucking mess.
DEBBIE
What would you like me to do,
Gabriella? She's been this way
since she’s twelve. I’m tired.
GAB
How about you stop enabling her?
DEBBIE
Seems like this Junie girl is a
positive influence.
GAB
Ah yes, the emo, puppy dog will for
sure save the day.
DEBBIE
Not here, okay? It's your
grandfather's wake, for God's sake!
Gab turns away, frustrated.
Genres: ["Drama","Romance"]

Summary In this scene, Junie and Leah wake up in Junie's bedroom and have a playful conversation about Leah's family. Leah reveals her struggle with taking painkillers, and Junie offers her support. They then go to Junie's kitchen where Leah experiences discomfort, and Junie tries to comfort her. The scene transitions to Mangano's Funeral Home, where Leah and Junie interact with Leah's family. Leah's family members display disapproval and tension, while Junie tries to provide comfort. The conflicts in this scene include Leah's internal struggle with painkillers and her family's disapproval. The scene ends with Junie comforting Leah and expressing confusion, while Leah tearfully apologizes and asks for understanding.
Strengths
  • Strong character development
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Emotional depth
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue could be more concise

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene effectively establishes the tone and emotional depth of the story, with strong dialogue and character development. The tension and conflict between the characters create a compelling narrative.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring the complexities of a romantic relationship and the hidden struggles of one of the characters is intriguing and engaging.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene revolves around the characters' interactions and the revelation of Leah's hidden struggles. It effectively sets up the conflicts and challenges that will unfold in the story.

Originality: 9

This scene demonstrates a level of originality through its authentic portrayal of the complexities and challenges within a relationship. The characters' actions and dialogue feel genuine and relatable, and the scene explores themes of addiction, family dynamics, and emotional support in a fresh and nuanced way.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed and their relationships are explored in depth. Their dialogue and actions reveal their personalities and motivations.

Character Changes: 8

Leah experiences a significant emotional change as she reveals her hidden struggles to Junie, while Junie's perception of Leah is also challenged.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to provide emotional support and reassurance to Leah, who is feeling anxious and troubled. This reflects Junie's deeper desire to be a source of comfort and stability for Leah.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to navigate the challenging dynamics of Leah's family at her grandfather's wake. Junie wants to make a good impression and show support for Leah.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The scene contains both internal and external conflicts, including Leah's hidden addiction and the tension between Leah and her family members.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in this scene is strong, as Leah's internal struggles and her family's dynamics create obstacles for Junie's goal of providing support and navigating the wake. The audience is unsure of how these conflicts will be resolved.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are high for Leah as she struggles with her addiction and the potential consequences it may have on her relationship with Junie and her family.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing and developing key conflicts and character dynamics.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it introduces unexpected revelations about Leah's drug use and the tension between her and her family. The audience is left uncertain about how these conflicts will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

There is a philosophical conflict evident in this scene between Junie's optimistic and supportive worldview and Leah's more cynical and self-deprecating perspective. This conflict challenges Junie's belief in the power of humor and positivity to cope with difficult situations.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions, particularly sadness and tension, as the characters navigate their personal struggles and the challenges of the family gathering.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is natural and engaging, effectively conveying the emotions and conflicts between the characters. It also reveals their individual personalities and dynamics.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it introduces conflict and tension within the relationship, as well as the anticipation of meeting Leah's family. The dialogue is witty and the emotional stakes are high, keeping the audience invested in the characters' journey.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of this scene contributes to its effectiveness by balancing moments of intimacy and vulnerability with moments of tension and conflict. It allows the audience to absorb and process the emotional dynamics between the characters.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, with proper indentation, dialogue formatting, and scene descriptions. It is well-presented and easy to read.

Structure: 8

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings, descriptions, and dialogue. It effectively transitions between different locations and maintains a cohesive narrative flow.


Critique
  • The scene starts with a warm and cozy atmosphere in Junie's bedroom, which sets a contrasting tone to the discomfort and tension that follows.
  • The dialogue between Junie and Leah is playful and reveals some of Leah's family issues, but it lacks depth and emotional impact.
  • Leah's actions of taking painkillers and snorting them in secret are significant, but they are not given enough attention or exploration in the scene.
  • The transition from the bedroom to the kitchen feels abrupt and could benefit from a smoother transition or a clearer connection between the two locations.
  • The visual elements in the scene, such as the hidden box of pills and the fragmented straw, are intriguing but could be further developed to enhance their impact.
  • The emotional climax of the scene, where Leah tearfully confesses her struggles to Junie, feels rushed and could benefit from more build-up and exploration of their relationship.
  • The introduction of Leah's family at the funeral home adds tension and conflict, but the interactions between the characters feel superficial and lack depth.
  • The dialogue between Leah and her family members, particularly Gab, could be more nuanced and reveal more about their dynamics and conflicts.
  • The scene ends with a hint of unresolved tension between Leah and Gab, but it could be more impactful and leave the reader wanting to know more.
Suggestions
  • Consider starting the scene with a stronger hook or a more engaging action to immediately draw the reader in.
  • Explore Leah's internal struggle with taking painkillers in more detail, showing the consequences and emotional toll it takes on her.
  • Develop the transition between the bedroom and the kitchen to create a smoother flow and maintain the emotional momentum of the scene.
  • Give more attention to the visual elements, such as the hidden box of pills and the fragmented straw, to enhance their symbolism and impact.
  • Build up the emotional climax between Leah and Junie, allowing for more vulnerability and exploration of their relationship.
  • Deepen the interactions between Leah and her family members at the funeral home, revealing more about their conflicts and dynamics.
  • Add more depth and nuance to the dialogue between Leah and her family members, particularly Gab, to create more tension and emotional resonance.
  • Consider ending the scene with a stronger cliffhanger or unresolved tension to leave the reader wanting to know more and create anticipation for the next scene.



Scene 3 -  A Conversation About Addiction
INT. MANGANO'S FUNERAL HOME - BATHROOM - MOMENTS LATER
Maggie, now (21), a blonde with piercing blue eyes, washes
her hands at the sink. She turns off the sink and starts to
dry her hands. Frustrated, she turns the sink back on and
washes her hands again.
Junie walks over to Maggie.
JUNIE
Hi, are you ... Maggie?
13.

Maggie turns her head to Junie as she washes her hands.
MAGGIE
Yes?
JUNIE
Hi, I'm Junie, Leah's girlfriend.
I've heard so much about you.
Maggie turns off the water, dry's her hands, turns to Junie.
MAGGIE
Hi, sorry. Junie, yes. I've heard a
lot about you, too.
Junie nods and half smiles.
MAGGIE (CONT'D)
Leah's out there?
JUNIE
Yeah, she's with her sisters.
MAGGIE
Oh, great. I'll go find her. Nice
to meet you. See you out there.
JUNIE
Nice to meet you, too.
Maggie walks to the door and stands in front of it, her hand
hovering over the doorknob. She begins counting to herself.
MAGGIE
One... Two... Three...
Maggie's uncertainty takes over, and she starts counting again.
MAGGIE (CONT'D)
One... Two... Three... Four
Junie watches, raises her brow, confused. Maggie walks out.

INT. MANGANO'S FUNERAL HOME - MAIN ROOM - CONTINUOUS
Maggie walks up to Leah, hugging her tightly. Junie, taken
aback, observes them intently from the back of the room. Leah
notices Junie and motions for her to come over.
As Junie walks closer, she locks eyes with Maggie, creating a
subtle, uncomfortable tension. They all stand by the casket.
Madison and Gab exchange knowing glances from their seats.
14.

INT. JUNIE'S APARTMENT - BEDROOM - NIGHT
In the subdued lighting, Leah and Alyssa sit together, a
sense of solemnity drapes over them, still adorned in their
somber funeral attire.
JUNIE
Okay, so I know today was a lot,
but can we talk?
LEAH
Yes, today was a fucking lot. But
yes, of course, we can talk.
Junie instinctively reaches over to clasp Leah's hand, a
vulnerability evident in her grip.
JUNIE
I need honesty Leah.
Leah blinks back exhaustion, her throat clearing as she
shifts uncomfortably. The look in Junie's eye signals that
this time, she can't simply talk her way through the
situation.
JUNIE (CONT'D)
How deep are you in this? How long
has this been going on?
LEAH
(Apprehensive)
I've been using drugs most of my
life, but this guy Nate got me into
some heavy stuff a few years ago.
JUNIE
The guy your sister bitches about that
lives down the block from her?
Leah nods.
JUNIE (CONT'D)
What kind of heavy stuff?
LEAH
Opiates.
JUNIE
Wait...opiates? Like heroin?
LEAH
NO! God, no. Oxycontin.
15.

JUNIE
Where do you get it?
LEAH
I have a bunch of doctors...they think I
have back problems. I sell some and keep
the rest.
Junie reflects for a moment.
JUNIE
Those late-night errands make a lot
more sense.
LEAH
I know. I'm sorry. I just couldn’t tell
you. I didn’t want to lose you.
A moment hangs between them.
JUNIE
You snort it, don't you?
Leah dips her head, her shame manifest in the nervous nod.
JUNIE (CONT'D)
Does Maggie use with you?
LEAH
Maggie? No. She tries to help me. I
try to help her. Clearly, we're a
great team. Fucking flourishing.
JUNIE
What happens if you stop?
LEAH
I get really sick. I can't ever get
through the withdrawals.
JUNIE
Have you tried rehab?
LEAH
(Nods shamefully)
A prescription of methadone is
their go-to solution.
JUNIE
(Shocked)
Like a methadone clinic?
16.

LEAH
Fuck. I know this is fucked up. I
don't blame you if you wanna run.
I can leave...give you some space.
JUNIE
No. I want you here. With me.
(Hugs Leah)
You're staying with me.
LEAH
You make me wanna try again.
Junie releases her embrace and looks at Leah.
JUNIE
So, we'll make a plan. We can do
this. We can beat this together.
Deal?
Leah gazes at Junie with intense vulnerability and fear
written across her face. After a moment's hesitation, Leah
nods in agreement. Junie, visibly relieved, leans in and
tenderly kisses Leah. They share a quiet moment together.
LEAH
Okay, I'm exhausted. I'm gonna hit
the bathroom before bed.
JUNIE
Are you going to use in the bathroom?
Leah stares at Junie, unsure on how to answer.
JUNIE (CONT'D)
I want to see.
Leah continues to stare. Fear and anxiety prevalent.

INT. JUNIE'S APARTMENT - BATHROOM - CONTINUOUS
Leah and Junie hover over the bathroom counter. Leah
retrieves a credit card from her pocket, using it to crush a
pill. With a mix of shame and desperation, she snorts two
lines off the sink.
Junie's face shows a sudden shock and sadness as their eyes
remain locked in silence.
JUNIE
How do you feel now?
17.

LEAH
(With a hint of relief)
Normal.

INT. JUNIE'S APARTMENT - BEDROOM - MORNING
Sunlight peeks through the curtains, warming Leah's peaceful
slumber.
Junie stands by the bedside, gently shaking Leah awake.
JUNIE
Hey, Babe. Wake up.
Leah stirs and rubs her eyes, a faint smile forming.
JUNIE (CONT'D)
Did you clean the snow off my car
in the middle of the night?
Leah nods, grinning playfully.
Junie leans closer, planting a tender kiss on Leah's
forehead.
The mood shifts as Junie straightens up, her expression
shifting to a more serious tone.
JUNIE (CONT'D)
We need to talk about your pills.
Leah's smile fades, replaced by a skeptical guarded look.
JUNIE (CONT'D)
I have them.
A shocked silence falls over the room as Leah attempts to
process Junie's words.
JUNIE (CONT'D)
I did some research. I think it's best
I manage your pills.
There's a tense pause as the weight of Junie's proposal
settles in.
LEAH
(Anxious)
You wanna start this today!?
JUNIE
Don't you want to stop?
18.

LEAH
(Panicky)
Jesus Christ, I do, but -- you
don't understand.
Junie sits next to Leah and soothes her.
JUNIE
Hey, hey, calm down. Look at me. Me
and you, right? We can do this.
Junie reaches into her purse and takes out three pills. She
hands them to Leah.
JUNIE (CONT'D)
I'll be back around six.
(Goes to kiss Leah but
halts)
Oh, One more thing. I need all of
your doctor's information.
Leah stares at Junie like a deer in headlights.
JUNIE (CONT'D)
(With her hand out)
Your legal drug dealers'
information now, please.
Leah hesitates but goes into her bag, takes out a few
business cards and hands them to Junie.
Junie kisses Leah and leaves. Leah stares at the pills in her
hand as Junie leaves for work, her eyes wide with panic.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary Maggie washes her hands in the bathroom at Mangano's Funeral Home and meets Junie. They exchange pleasantries before Maggie leaves. In the main room, Maggie hugs Leah tightly while Junie observes. Madison and Gab exchange knowing glances. The scene transitions to Junie's apartment where Leah admits to her drug addiction and selling Oxycontin. Junie offers support and they agree to make a plan together. The scene ends with Junie asking to manage Leah's pills, leaving Leah panicked.
Strengths
  • Realistic dialogue
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Exploration of addiction
Weaknesses

    Ratings
    Overall

    Overall: 9

    The scene effectively conveys the emotional turmoil and vulnerability of the characters, while also introducing a significant conflict and potential resolution. The dialogue is realistic and engaging, and the scene moves the story forward by revealing important information about the characters' struggles and their commitment to overcoming them.


    Story Content

    Concept: 8

    The concept of exploring drug addiction and its impact on relationships is compelling and relevant. The scene effectively portrays the complexity of addiction and the challenges faced by the characters.

    Plot: 9

    The plot of the scene revolves around the revelation of Leah's drug addiction and her decision to seek help. This conflict drives the emotional tension and sets up the potential for character growth and resolution.

    Originality: 6

    The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the topic of drug addiction and relationship struggles is not entirely unique, the specific dynamics and conflicts between the characters bring a fresh approach to the familiar themes. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


    Character Development

    Characters: 10

    The characters are well-developed and their emotions and motivations are clearly conveyed. The scene explores the dynamics between Leah, Junie, and Maggie, highlighting their relationships and the impact of Leah's addiction on those around her.

    Character Changes: 9

    Leah experiences a significant character change in the scene as she confronts her addiction and expresses a willingness to seek help. This change sets up the potential for growth and transformation in her character arc.

    Internal Goal: 8

    The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to confront her partner about her drug addiction and seek support and understanding. This reflects her need for honesty, connection, and a desire to overcome her addiction.

    External Goal: 7

    The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to come up with a plan to overcome her drug addiction and seek help from her partner. This reflects the immediate challenge she is facing in her life.


    Scene Elements

    Conflict Level: 8

    The scene introduces a significant conflict with the revelation of Leah's drug addiction and the tension it creates between her and Junie. The conflict is emotional and internal, setting up the potential for character growth and resolution.

    Opposition: 8

    The opposition in this scene is strong as the protagonist's partner challenges her about her drug addiction and proposes a solution. The audience is unsure of how the protagonist will respond and what choices she will make.

    High Stakes: 8

    The stakes are high in the scene as Leah's addiction threatens her relationships and her own well-being. The potential for loss and redemption adds tension and urgency to the narrative.

    Story Forward: 9

    The scene moves the story forward by revealing important information about Leah's addiction and her commitment to change. It sets up the potential for conflict, growth, and resolution in the narrative.

    Unpredictability: 7

    This scene is unpredictable because it introduces unexpected revelations and conflicts. The audience is unsure of how the characters will navigate their challenges and what choices they will make.

    Philosophical Conflict: 7

    There is a philosophical conflict evident in this scene between the protagonist's desire for honesty and her fear of losing her partner. This challenges her beliefs about the importance of honesty and the consequences it may have on her relationship.


    Audience Engagement

    Emotional Impact: 9

    The scene evokes a strong emotional response, particularly in the moments of vulnerability and fear displayed by the characters. The audience is invested in the characters' struggles and hopes for their redemption.

    Dialogue: 9

    The dialogue is natural and authentic, effectively conveying the characters' emotions and revealing important information about their struggles and relationships. The conversation between Leah and Junie is particularly impactful.

    Engagement: 9

    This scene is engaging because it presents a conflict and emotional stakes for the characters. The dialogue and actions create tension and curiosity, making the audience invested in the outcome of the scene.

    Pacing: 8

    The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by allowing the tension and emotions to build gradually. The rhythm of the dialogue and the pauses create a natural flow and enhance the impact of the characters' interactions.


    Technical Aspect

    Formatting: 9

    The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. The scene headings, character names, and dialogue are properly formatted. The scene is easy to read and understand.

    Structure: 8

    The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It begins with an establishing shot and introduces the characters and their goals. The dialogue and actions are well-paced and contribute to the development of the scene.


    Critique
    • The scene starts off with Maggie washing her hands in the bathroom at Mangano's Funeral Home. While this action helps establish the setting, it feels a bit mundane and doesn't contribute much to the overall story.
    • The introduction of Junie to Maggie feels forced and lacks a natural flow. The dialogue between them also feels a bit stilted and could benefit from more organic and authentic conversation.
    • The counting scene with Maggie creates some tension and intrigue, but it's not clear why she is counting or what significance it holds. This could be clarified to add more depth to her character.
    • The transition to the main room at the funeral home feels abrupt and could use a smoother transition to maintain the flow of the scene.
    • The interaction between Maggie, Leah, and Junie in the main room lacks emotional depth and tension. It would be beneficial to explore the conflicting emotions and dynamics between these characters in a more nuanced way.
    • The transition to Junie's apartment is well-executed, but the dialogue between Leah and Junie lacks subtlety and could benefit from more subtext and emotional complexity.
    • The revelation of Leah's drug addiction feels rushed and could be given more time and space to unfold. This is a crucial moment in the story and should be treated with care and sensitivity.
    • The dialogue between Leah and Junie about Leah's drug use feels a bit on-the-nose and could be more nuanced. It would be helpful to explore the underlying emotions and motivations behind Leah's addiction in a deeper way.
    • The scene ends with Junie asking for Leah's doctor's information and leaving the apartment, leaving Leah panicked. While this creates a sense of urgency, it would be beneficial to explore Leah's emotional state more explicitly to heighten the tension and impact of the scene.
    Suggestions
    • Consider adding more purpose and significance to Maggie's actions in the bathroom to make the scene more engaging and meaningful.
    • Rewrite the introduction of Junie to Maggie to make it feel more natural and authentic. Focus on creating a genuine connection between the characters.
    • Provide more context and explanation for Maggie's counting to add depth to her character and create intrigue for the audience.
    • Smooth out the transition between the bathroom and the main room at the funeral home to maintain the flow of the scene.
    • Explore the conflicting emotions and dynamics between Maggie, Leah, and Junie in the main room to add depth and tension to the scene.
    • Give more time and space for the revelation of Leah's drug addiction to unfold, allowing for a more impactful and emotionally resonant moment.
    • Rewrite the dialogue between Leah and Junie about Leah's drug use to add more subtext and emotional complexity. Explore the underlying emotions and motivations behind Leah's addiction in a deeper way.
    • Expand on Leah's emotional state at the end of the scene to heighten the tension and impact of Junie's departure.



    Scene 4 -  Tense Confrontations and Escalating Tensions
    INT. MAGGIE'S HOME - FATHER'S OFFICE - TWILIGHT
    Leah, looking ill, searches through an ornate executive desk
    drawer, with Dr. George Wurzer's medical accomplishments
    displayed throughout the room. Maggie watches, confused.
    MAGGIE
    My parents are going to be back
    soon for dinner! What happened to
    stopping for Junie!?
    LEAH
    Tomorrow's Christmas Eve, I can't feel
    like this around Junie's family.
    MAGGIE
    You say you're getting better for
    her, but you seem worse.
    19.

    LEAH
    There's got to be a script pad here
    somewhere...
    MAGGIE
    You haven't even called.
    LEAH
    (Continuing her search)
    Oh, forgive me for not calling you to
    discuss what happened on "The L
    Word". I've been a bit preoccupied,
    peeing out of my ass.
    MAGGIE
    Le, I went to see a psychiatrist.
    Suddenly, Leah freezes, her attention fully captured by
    Maggie's revelation.
    LEAH
    Seriously? How could you not tell
    me that?
    MAGGIE
    Wouldn't want to interrupt your
    precious time with sweet cheeks.
    Maggie turns away, crossing her arms, and leans against a
    finely detailed bookshelf.
    LEAH
    Knock it off. Don't be such a female.
    Did your parents go with you?
    MAGGIE
    You know you're the only idiot who
    actually cares. They asked how it went.
    LEAH
    What made you go1?
    MAGGIE
    I guess seeing you try again.
    (A beat of silence hangs
    in the room)
    I'm on meds.
    Leah's face lights up with genuine excitement and hope.
    LEAH
    Seriously? Mags!! That's fucking
    huge! How do you feel?
    20.

    MAGGIE
    Well, I only checked the stove four
    times before bed last night, so ...
    Leah walks to Maggie and hugs her.
    LEAH
    I can't believe it! Can I come to
    the next appointment?
    MAGGIE
    Ugh! You're so slimy when your dope
    sick. I have to go wash up.
    Maggie leaves the room. Leah rolls her eyes.
    LEAH
    (Loud)
    I think you need to up your dose!
    Leah returns to her relentless search of the ornate desk and,
    at last, discovers a pad with a single prescription sheet.
    Her face brightens with hope.

    INT. MAGGIE'S HOME - DINING ROOM - LATER
    The Christmas-adorned dining room boasts a sparkling chandelier,
    fine china, crystal glassware, and silver utensils. Warm
    candlelight dances amidst a centerpiece of poinsettias and holly.
    Maggie's parents, KAREN and GEORGE, exude sophistication at
    the head of the table.
    Leah and Maggie join, with Leah struggling to blend in amid the
    festive setting. Maggie taps her fork four times on the table.
    KAREN
    Leah, dear, you look a bit under the
    weather. Are you feeling alright?
    LEAH
    Just a little stomach bug, Mrs.
    Wurner. I'm okay.
    George meets Leah's response with a skeptical look.
    GEORGE
    And you're sure it's not
    something... else?
    MAGGIE
    Dad, please, let's enjoy dinner.
    21.

    LEAH
    Yes, Dr. Wurner, just a bug.
    KAREN
    Maggie, this chicken is
    interesting. A new recipe?
    MAGGIE
    It is.
    LEAH
    Mags, it's delicious. You should add
    this one to your cookbook for your kids.
    George interjects with a condescending laugh.
    GEORGE
    A lesbian, mentally ill mother.
    You two have always been delusional.
    Leah's facade shatters. She glares at George.
    LEAH
    And you, George, have always been
    an asshole.
    Stunned silence envelops the room. Maggie, eyes glistening
    with unshed tears, appears crestfallen. George meets Leah's
    glare with unbridled anger.
    LEAH (CONT'D)
    Well, this was great. Merry Christmas
    everyone. I'll see myself out.
    Leah abruptly rises, grabs a biscuit, kisses Maggie on the
    forehead, and exits the dining room.
    Maggie's eyes moisten, and George and Karen are left in
    contemplative silence, amidst the holiday decor.

    INT. VALUE DRUGS PHARMACY - NIGHT
    Leah stands at a pharmacy counter, her demeanor is tense, her
    expression a mix of resignation and desperation. She silently
    accepting a prescription handed over by the pharmacist.

    INT. LEAH'S CAR - PHARMACY PARKING LOT - MOMENTS LATER
    Leah, in the driver's seat, leans over a small book with a
    straw, her eyes closed. She snorts lines of white powder, her
    face tense with anticipation, but an undercurrent of remorse
    lurks beneath her expression.
    22.

    INT. JUNIE'S APARTMENT - BEDROOM - DAY
    The soft morning light spills into Junie's cozy bedroom.
    Junie, dressed for work, meticulously gets ready in front of
    a vintage mirror, her reflection revealing a mix of annoyance
    and reluctance.
    Leah lounges on the disheveled bed, her eyes playfully fixed
    on Junie.
    JUNIE
    Going back to work after Christmas
    always brings me down. Where did
    the week go?
    LEAH
    (Flirtatious)
    So don't go. Stay with me.
    Junie shakes her head, smiling more to herself.
    JUNIE
    Right. Would you like to tell all
    the delis in Queens they're not
    getting their newspapers this week?
    LEAH
    Hey, maybe I'll get a deli job now that
    I'm officially retired from sales.
    Junie quirks an eyebrow at her.
    JUNIE
    You know, I think a job would be so
    good for you.
    Leah's playful demeanor fades slightly, a glint of resentment
    seeping through.
    JUNIE (CONT'D)
    Come join society, Leah. It's not
    so terrible.
    LEAH
    I'll be the judge of that.
    JUNIE
    Seriously, I've noticed the last few
    days you've been sleeping a lot. I
    think being productive would help.
    Leah avoids eye contact. She agrees, hesitantly.
    23.

    LEAH
    Okay, fine.
    JUNIE
    (Leans in and
    flirtatiously kisses
    Leah)
    This makes me very happy!
    LEAH
    Speaking of making me happy -- if
    you're gonna leave me all day, I'm
    gonna need that sweatshirt.
    Junie grins and tosses a well-worn Blink 182 hoodie to Leah.
    Leah eagerly puts it on, pulls the collar over her nose, and
    inhales deeply.
    Junie laughs as she finishes getting ready, making her way to
    the bedroom door.
    JUNIE
    I'm grabbing drinks after work at
    Tamaqua. Wanna come?
    LEAH
    Sounds good... Is it okay if I ask
    Maggie to come?
    Junie's expression shifts. She hesitates, her concern clear.
    LEAH (CONT'D)
    What's wrong?
    JUNIE
    (Hesitant)
    Leah, has there ever been anything
    between you and Maggie?
    LEAH
    What? No. Absolutely not. Why would
    you ask that?
    JUNIE
    (Embarrassed)
    I don't know. Just wondering.
    LEAH
    (Almost laughing)
    Babe, there has never been anything
    between me and Maggie. Please don't
    worry about that. Okay?
    Junie softens and smiles, reassured by Leah's words.
    24.

    LEAH (CONT'D)
    (Grab's Junie's hand)
    Hey... I love you.
    Junie leans down and kisses Leah.
    Junie exits the room. Leah's face tightens with anxiety as
    she abruptly starts searching her bag. She quickly pulls out
    a pill bottle and discovers its empty. In a panic, she
    reaches for her phone.
    She finds the name: "Nate" presses the call button and raises
    the phone to her ear.
    Genres: ["Drama"]

    Summary Leah searches for a script pad in her father's office while Maggie watches. Maggie reveals she went to a psychiatrist and is on medication, leaving Leah hopeful. At dinner, George makes a condescending remark about Maggie, leading Leah to snap back and storm out. Leah then visits a pharmacy, snorts white powder in her car, and asks Junie to invite Maggie for drinks. The scene ends with Junie leaving for work and Leah realizing her pill bottle is empty, causing panic.
    Strengths
    • Sharp dialogue
    • Realistic portrayal of addiction and mental health struggles
    • Emotional engagement
    Weaknesses
    • Some moments of melodrama

    Ratings
    Overall

    Overall: 8

    The scene effectively conveys the tension and conflict between the characters, as well as the emotional impact of Leah's addiction. The dialogue is sharp and reveals important information about the characters' past and present struggles.


    Story Content

    Concept: 7

    The concept of exploring the complexities of relationships, mental health, and addiction is well-executed in this scene. It delves into the emotional and psychological aspects of the characters' lives.

    Plot: 7

    The plot of the scene revolves around Leah's revelation about seeing a psychiatrist and her struggle with addiction. It moves the story forward by introducing conflicts and tensions between the characters.

    Originality: 6

    The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the domestic setting and conflicts between characters are familiar tropes in screenwriting, the specific dynamics and dialogue between Maggie and Leah bring a fresh and authentic approach to the scene. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


    Character Development

    Characters: 9

    The characters are well-developed and their personalities and motivations are effectively conveyed through their dialogue and actions. Leah's addiction and Maggie's struggle with mental health add depth to their characters.

    Character Changes: 8

    Leah experiences a moment of hope and excitement when she learns that Maggie is on medication, while Maggie appears crestfallen after the confrontation with her father. These changes in their emotional states contribute to the development of their characters.

    Internal Goal: 8

    The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to confront Leah about her behavior and express her concerns about Leah's well-being. This reflects Maggie's deeper need for honesty, communication, and a desire to protect Leah.

    External Goal: 7

    The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to have a peaceful and enjoyable dinner with her family. This reflects the immediate circumstances of the Christmas dinner and the challenges of maintaining a harmonious atmosphere despite the tension between Maggie and Leah.


    Scene Elements

    Conflict Level: 8

    The scene is filled with conflicts and tensions between the characters. Leah's addiction and Maggie's struggle with mental health create internal and external conflicts that drive the scene.

    Opposition: 8

    The opposition in this scene is strong as it involves conflicts between Maggie and Leah, Maggie's parents, and Leah's internal struggles. The audience is unsure of how these conflicts will be resolved, adding tension and suspense to the scene.

    High Stakes: 7

    The stakes are high in the scene as it explores the impact of addiction, mental health, and strained relationships on the characters' lives. The confrontation with Maggie's father adds an additional layer of tension and conflict.

    Story Forward: 8

    The scene moves the story forward by introducing conflicts and tensions between the characters, as well as revealing important information about their past and present struggles. It sets up future developments and conflicts.

    Unpredictability: 7

    This scene is unpredictable because it includes unexpected dialogue exchanges and reveals new information about the characters' internal struggles. The audience is left uncertain about the future dynamics between Maggie and Leah.

    Philosophical Conflict: 9

    There is a philosophical conflict evident in this scene between Maggie's desire for honesty and communication and Leah's tendency to avoid facing her problems and resort to substance abuse. This challenges Maggie's beliefs and values regarding trust and support in a relationship.


    Audience Engagement

    Emotional Impact: 9

    The scene evokes strong emotions through the characters' struggles with addiction, mental health, and strained relationships. The dialogue and actions of the characters elicit empathy and emotional engagement from the audience.

    Dialogue: 9

    The dialogue is sharp, realistic, and reveals important information about the characters' past and present struggles. It effectively conveys the tension and conflict between the characters.

    Engagement: 9

    This scene is engaging because it presents conflicts and tensions between the characters, uses witty dialogue to create humor, and ends with a cliffhanger that leaves the audience wanting to know what happens next.

    Pacing: 8

    The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by alternating between moments of tension and humor. The rhythm of the dialogue and the use of pauses create a dynamic flow that keeps the audience engaged.


    Technical Aspect

    Formatting: 9

    The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It includes scene headings, character names, dialogue, and narrative description in a clear and organized manner.

    Structure: 8

    The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It begins with an establishing shot and then moves into dialogue-driven scenes that reveal the conflicts and tensions between the characters. The scene ends with a cliffhanger, setting up the next sequence of events.


    Critique
    • The scene starts off with Leah searching through an ornate executive desk drawer in Maggie's father's office. The description of the room and the medical accomplishments displayed throughout give a sense of the environment, but it could be more concise.
    • The dialogue between Leah and Maggie feels natural and reflects their close relationship. However, some of Leah's responses come across as defensive and sarcastic, which may not be the best approach for this emotional scene.
    • When Maggie reveals that she went to see a psychiatrist and is on medication, Leah's reaction is sudden and extreme. It would be more effective to show Leah's surprise and concern in a more nuanced way.
    • The transition from Leah's excitement about Maggie's medication to Maggie leaving the room and Leah rolling her eyes feels abrupt and disconnected. It would be helpful to have a smoother transition between these moments.
    • The scene then shifts to the dining room, where Leah and Maggie join Maggie's parents for dinner. The description of the Christmas-adorned dining room sets the festive atmosphere, but it could be more vivid and sensory.
    • The interaction between Leah and Maggie's parents is tense and confrontational, which adds to the emotional tone of the scene. However, George's condescending remark about Maggie being a lesbian and mentally ill feels forced and overly dramatic.
    • Leah's response to George's remark is powerful and shows her loyalty to Maggie, but it could be more impactful if it was delivered with controlled anger rather than a sudden outburst.
    • Leah's abrupt exit from the dining room after kissing Maggie on the forehead feels rushed and could benefit from a moment of reflection or a lingering glance before she leaves.
    • The scene then transitions to Leah at a pharmacy counter, accepting a prescription. The tension and desperation in Leah's demeanor are effectively conveyed, but it would be helpful to have more sensory details to immerse the reader in the scene.
    • Leah snorting lines of white powder in her car is a powerful visual, but it could be more impactful if the emotional turmoil beneath her expression was explored further.
    • The scene ends with Junie getting ready for work and Leah asking if she can invite Maggie to join them for drinks. This moment feels disconnected from the rest of the scene and could benefit from a smoother transition or a stronger emotional connection.
    • Overall, the scene effectively conveys the tension and emotional turmoil of Leah's addiction and her strained relationships. However, there are opportunities to improve the pacing, transitions, and emotional depth of the scene.
    Suggestions
    • Consider condensing the description of the room in Maggie's father's office to make it more concise and impactful.
    • Explore Leah's emotional reaction to Maggie's revelation about seeing a psychiatrist and being on medication in a more nuanced way.
    • Smooth out the transition between Leah's excitement about Maggie's medication and Maggie leaving the room.
    • Add more vivid and sensory details to the description of the Christmas-adorned dining room to immerse the reader in the festive atmosphere.
    • Reconsider George's condescending remark about Maggie being a lesbian and mentally ill to make it feel more natural and less forced.
    • Deliver Leah's response to George's remark with controlled anger rather than a sudden outburst to make it more impactful.
    • Add a moment of reflection or a lingering glance before Leah abruptly exits the dining room to give the scene more emotional depth.
    • Include more sensory details in the scene at the pharmacy counter to immerse the reader in Leah's tension and desperation.
    • Explore the emotional turmoil beneath Leah's expression as she snorts lines of white powder in her car to make the visual more impactful.
    • Smooth out the transition or strengthen the emotional connection between Junie getting ready for work and Leah asking if she can invite Maggie to join them for drinks.



    Scene 5 -  Desperation and Deception
    INT. NATE'S APARTMENT - LIVING ROOM - DAY
    Leah and NATE, a sketchy-looking man with dark, penetrating
    eyes, lounge on a dirty and unkempt couch in cluttered
    surroundings. Leah looking ill wears Junie's sweatshirt.
    LEAH
    Nate. I can't take this.
    NATE
    Calm the fuck down. You're lucky I
    even picked up the phone. Does
    Maggie know you're here, or is she
    gonna come banging on my door again?
    LEAH
    (Desperate)
    Please just fucking help me.
    NATE
    That nut job admit she’s in love
    with you yet?
    LEAH
    Don't fuckin' call her that!
    NATE
    Don't get pissy with me. Not my fault
    your new little girlfriend fucked up
    your supply. God, you're so stupid.
    Leah's desperation is evident in her trembling hands.
    LEAH
    Don't you have anything here? You're
    never this chatty unless you're high.
    25.

    NATE
    I've got somethin', but what's in
    it for me?
    Nate leans back on the couch, spreading his legs
    suggestively.
    LEAH
    The fuck outta here.
    Nate smirks, but as he observes Leah's desperation, his smile
    slowly fades, replaced by a pensive expression. He then
    retrieves a small baggie of heroin and hypodermic needles
    from his bag on the floor.
    LEAH (CONT'D)
    Seriously!? What the fuck?
    NATE
    Oh, now you're going to judge me. It's
    the same shit you put in your nose
    every day. I'm not the one looking like
    a cracked-out AIDS patient over here.
    LEAH
    It's not the same, and you know it.
    NATE
    Take it or leave it.
    LEAH
    No, thanks. I'll just wait for your guy.
    (a beat)
    Where the hell is he!?
    NATE
    Do whatever you want. Frankly, I
    couldn't care less either way.
    Leah bites her lip as she gazes at the heroin, torn.
    LEAH
    Fine. But no needles.
    Nate puts out a line of powdered heroin on the table and
    hands Leah a straw. Leah hesitates.
    NATE
    Oh, don't be such a pussy.
    26.

    Leah finally snorts the heroin, her eyes rolling back as the high
    washes over her. Nate, meanwhile, prepares his needle, wrapping
    his arm, and raising the needle, a twisted smile on his face.
    JUMP CUT TO:
    Leah wakes up next to Nate, who is passed out on the couch.
    Leah checks the time, she panics. Disoriented from the drugs
    She gets up and rushes to Nate's bag.
    She frantically digs through it and throws things around until
    she finds his bundle of heroin. She stuffs it in her pocket.
    Then sneaks out of the apartment.

    INT./EXT. TAMAQUA BAR - LEAH'S CAR - LATER
    Leah's car comes to a stop in front of the bar, its neon
    lights casting a colorful glow through the window. A few
    smokers huddle outside, puffing away in the chilly night air.
    Leah takes a moment to collect herself, gazing at her
    reflection in the rearview mirror.
    She rubs her tired eyes, adjusts her hair, and takes a deep
    breath to steady her nerves before finally opening the car
    door and stepping out into the night.

    INT. TAMAQUA BAR - MAIN ROOM - MOMENTS LATER
    Leah enters the cozy, dimly lit Tamaqua Bar. The vintage
    decor exudes history and warmth with antique signs, faded
    photos, and old clocks on sepia-toned walls.
    At the bar counter, Junie, surrounded by FRIENDS, scans the
    crowd until her eyes land on Leah, her face weary but masked
    with an effortful smile.
    JUNIE
    There's my girl!
    Leah approaches, their eyes lock. The noise around them seems
    to ebb away. Leah meets Junie and they share kiss. JOHN, a
    lanky friend of Junie, gives Junie a concerned look.
    JUNIE (CONT'D)
    (To Leah)
    Come to the bathroom with me?
    Leah nods. Junie leads Leah through the bar and into the
    bathroom.
    27.

    INT. TAMAQUA BAR - BATHROOM - CONTINUOUS
    Typical, grungy bar bathroom.
    JUNIE
    Why do your eyes look like that?
    LEAH
    Like what?
    JUNIE
    Empty.
    Junie grabs Leah's face.
    JUNIE (CONT'D)
    You're not high, are you?
    LEAH
    Of course not! I'm just tired. Job
    hunting is exhausting.
    JUNIE
    Okay... How's the search going?
    Where's Maggie?
    LEAH
    Not great, but I'll keep looking.
    She's on her way.
    Junie is still skeptical.
    LEAH (CONT'D)
    Hey, I promise I'm fine. Let's go get
    you a drink!
    Junie scrutinizes Leah as she wears her most convincing mask
    to assure Junie she's not under the influence. Junie's
    expression begins to soften.
    Leah kisses Junie's nose. Junie melts and wants to believe
    Leah with everything she has. Her conflict evident.
    JUNIE
    (With love struck blinded
    eyes)
    Ok, trouble, let's go.

    INT. TAMAQUA BAR - MAIN ROOM - LATER
    Junie and John sit at one end of the bar.
    28.

    JOHN
    So ... how's that situation going?
    John gestures to his left: where Leah sits with Junie's friends.
    FRIENDS speaks to Leah with enthusiasm. Leah is obviously not all
    there.
    Junie looks at John with confusion and annoyance.
    JOHN (CONT'D)
    Dude, she's higher than fucking
    Keith Richards over there.
    JUNIE
    No, she's not. We detoxed. She's tired.
    JOHN
    I'm sorry...back up. We detoxed?
    JUNIE
    (Flustered)
    I helped wean her off the pills.
    JOHN
    Well, if that isn't a picture of
    perfect health ...
    Junie looks over again at Leah. Studies her.
    JUNIE
    Keith Richards, huh?
    John gives Junie a knowing look. The BARTENDER comes over.
    BARTENDER
    Another round?
    JOHN
    I'll take another beer and another
    Captain & Coke for Captain Save-a-
    Hoe here.
    Junie glares at him. Bartender walks away.
    JOHN (CONT'D)
    Am I wrong? You're always trying to
    save these bitches!
    JUNIE
    John, you don’t understand.
    She's different. She's...
    JOHN
    Junie, look at her...
    29.

    JUNIE
    -- would you let me finish?
    JOHN
    Aye, aye Captain.
    JUNIE
    Look, I’m not blind. I'm seeing what you
    see but there's so much more to her...
    Maggie enters the bar, and Junie stops talking abruptly.
    Maggie goes to Leah, hugging her tightly. Junie and Maggie
    share an intense stare.
    JOHN
    (Laughing)
    What the fuck was that?
    JUNIE
    That's Maggie.
    JOHN
    Look at the crazy eyes on that one!
    Where do I sign?
    JUNIE
    I think she's in love with Leah.
    John and Junie share knowing glances. John wraps his arm
    around Junie. They stare at Maggie doting on Leah across the
    bar. Maggie again locks eyes with Junie.
    JOHN
    Play it cool, Captain.

    INT. JUNIE'S APARTMENT - BEDROOM - NIGHT
    Leah sleeps in bed. Junie lies awake next to her. She sneaks
    out of bed and goes through Leah’s bag. She finds the heroin.
    FADE TO:
    Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

    Summary Leah, desperate for help, succumbs to Nate's offer of heroin in his cluttered apartment. After waking up next to Nate, she steals his heroin and sneaks out. At a bar, Leah meets Junie and tries to convince her she's not high. Junie is skeptical but eventually believes her. However, Leah appears distant with Junie's friends. John notices Leah's high state, but Junie defends her. Maggie's arrival interrupts their conversation, and Junie abruptly stops talking. Junie and John discuss Maggie's feelings for Leah. Later, Junie sneaks out of bed to search Leah's bag and discovers the heroin.
    Strengths
    • Intense dialogue
    • Strong emotional impact
    • Realistic portrayal of addiction
    Weaknesses
    • Some cliched dialogue

    Ratings
    Overall

    Overall: 9

    The scene effectively creates a tense and desperate atmosphere, with strong dialogue and emotional impact.


    Story Content

    Concept: 8

    The concept of addiction and the moral choices it presents is well-executed and engaging.

    Plot: 8

    The plot progresses as Leah seeks help from Nate and ultimately succumbs to her desperation by using heroin.

    Originality: 7

    This scene has a level of originality in its depiction of addiction and the characters' actions and dialogue. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


    Character Development

    Characters: 9

    The characters are well-developed and their emotions and motivations are clearly portrayed.

    Character Changes: 8

    Leah's character changes as she succumbs to her desperation and uses heroin.

    Internal Goal: 8

    Leah's internal goal in this scene is to find a way to satisfy her addiction and desperation for drugs.

    External Goal: 7

    Leah's external goal in this scene is to obtain drugs from Nate.


    Scene Elements

    Conflict Level: 9

    The conflict between Leah and Nate, as well as Leah's internal conflict, creates tension and drives the scene.

    Opposition: 7

    The opposition in this scene is strong, as Leah is faced with the temptation of drugs and the conflicting desires of Nate and Junie.

    High Stakes: 9

    The stakes are high as Leah's addiction threatens her relationships and future.

    Story Forward: 8

    The scene moves the story forward by showing Leah's descent into addiction and the potential consequences.

    Unpredictability: 7

    This scene is unpredictable because it is unclear how Leah will ultimately respond to Nate's offer of drugs.

    Philosophical Conflict: 6

    There is a philosophical conflict evident in this scene between Leah's desire to satisfy her addiction and Nate's disregard for her well-being.


    Audience Engagement

    Emotional Impact: 10

    The scene evokes strong emotions, particularly desperation and anxiety.

    Dialogue: 9

    The dialogue is intense and reveals the characters' desperation and conflict.

    Engagement: 9

    This scene is engaging because it presents a tense and desperate situation for the protagonist, with high stakes and emotional conflict.

    Pacing: 8

    The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by creating a sense of urgency and tension.


    Technical Aspect

    Formatting: 9

    The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, with proper use of dialogue and action lines.

    Structure: 8

    The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings and action lines.


    Critique
    • The scene starts off with Leah and Nate in Nate's apartment, but the description of the setting and the characters' actions and dialogue could be more vivid and specific. It would help to create a stronger sense of atmosphere and make the scene more engaging for the reader.
    • The dialogue between Leah and Nate feels a bit forced and cliché. It would be more effective to develop their dynamic and relationship in a more nuanced and authentic way.
    • Leah's desperation and trembling hands are mentioned, but it would be more impactful to show her physical and emotional state through her actions and reactions. This would allow the reader to better empathize with her and understand the gravity of her situation.
    • The transition from Leah snorting the heroin to waking up next to Nate feels abrupt and disjointed. It would be helpful to include a smoother transition or a brief description of Leah's state of mind after taking the drugs.
    • The scene at the bar could benefit from more sensory details to immerse the reader in the environment. Descriptions of the sights, sounds, and smells of the bar would help to create a more vivid and realistic setting.
    • The dialogue between Junie and Leah in the bathroom lacks depth and emotional resonance. It would be more impactful to delve deeper into their conversation and explore the complexities of Leah's addiction and Junie's concern and support.
    • The interaction between Junie and John at the bar feels somewhat contrived and lacks subtlety. It would be more effective to develop their dynamic in a more organic and nuanced way.
    • The scene ends with Junie sneaking out of bed to search Leah's bag, but the transition and the sense of tension and anticipation could be heightened. It would be helpful to build up the suspense and create a stronger sense of urgency in this moment.
    Suggestions
    • Revise the description of the setting in Nate's apartment to create a more vivid and engaging atmosphere. Consider adding specific details about the clutter, the lighting, and the overall condition of the space.
    • Develop Leah and Nate's dialogue to make it more authentic and nuanced. Consider adding subtext and exploring the power dynamics between the characters.
    • Show Leah's desperation and trembling hands through her actions and reactions. Consider incorporating physical gestures, facial expressions, and internal thoughts to convey her emotional state more effectively.
    • Smooth out the transition from Leah snorting the heroin to waking up next to Nate. Consider adding a brief description of Leah's state of mind or her physical sensations after taking the drugs.
    • Enhance the sensory details in the scene at the bar to create a more immersive setting. Consider describing the sights, sounds, and smells of the bar to engage the reader's senses.
    • Deepen the dialogue between Junie and Leah in the bathroom to explore the complexities of Leah's addiction and Junie's concern. Consider adding more emotional depth and vulnerability to their conversation.
    • Develop the dynamic between Junie and John at the bar in a more organic and nuanced way. Consider incorporating subtle gestures, nonverbal cues, and subtext to convey their relationship more effectively.
    • Build up the suspense and create a stronger sense of urgency in the moment when Junie sneaks out of bed to search Leah's bag. Consider adding more tension, anticipation, and sensory details to heighten the impact of this scene.



    Scene 6 -  Confronting Addiction
    INT. JUNIE'S APARTMENT - BEDROOM - MORNING
    Junie sits up in bed, her face tense with concern. Leah stirs
    awake, her eyes bloodshot, and she turns over to face Junie.
    She attempts to embrace Junie, but the affection is met with
    resistance.
    Leah sits up, she knows something is wrong. Junie angrily
    shows Leah the heroin in her hand. They stare at each other
    in intense silence.
    30.

    LEAH
    Baby, I’m sorry. I've been trying
    so hard.
    JUNIE
    Don’t fucking baby me right now!
    How could you lie to me like this?
    Has everything been a fucking lie?
    Do you even really love me? What
    the fuck is this! What are we doing
    here!
    Leah reaches out to touch Junie's arm, but she pulls away.
    LEAH
    Please don’t say that! Do you have
    any idea how much I love you?
    JUNIE
    I am really struggling with it at
    the moment!
    LEAH
    You don’t understand.
    A beat. Heavy silence.
    JUNIE
    I’m listening. Fucking
    speak!
    LEAH
    (Overwhelmed with emotion)
    Junie, I’ve never tried to fight this
    urge to use ever like this in my life.
    I have a war in my head every day.
    It’s like I'm being held underwater,
    and I am trying to hold my breath to
    hold onto you. I can't breathe Junie!
    It doesn't feel like a fucking choice.
    If I don’t use, I can’t breathe, If I
    lose you, I can’t breathe. All I want
    is my drugs and you. I don’t need
    anything else. Please, I fucking beg
    you, don’t think for a second that I
    don’t love you.
    Junie's body relaxes, tears welling up in her eyes as she
    grapples with Leah's confession.
    JUNIE
    That’s the most fucked up -- but
    sweetest thing I think anyone's
    ever said to me.
    31.

    LEAH
    It's true. I never wanted to lie to
    you. I don't understand the more I
    try to stop, the worse I get.
    Junie pulls Leah into a tight embrace. Her expression filled
    with a mix of love and worry.
    JUNIE
    Leah, you need to go to rehab.
    Leah pulls back, defensive and closed off.
    Junie grabs Leah's face, urging her to listen.
    JUNIE (CONT'D)
    We have to do something.
    What about meetings? They help my
    brother.
    LEAH
    Oh god the AA cult?
    JUNIE
    (Pleading)
    Can you try? For me? Please?
    The heartache in Junie's voice hits Leah hard. She starts to
    open up and consider.
    Junie kisses Leah, tears coming down her face.
    JUNIE (CONT'D)
    Leah... please?
    Junie's kisses become more passionate. Leah begins to relax
    but fear still evident.
    JUNIE (CONT'D)
    Hey, we'll detox you again. You did
    it before.
    (Pause)
    You can do this Leah. I'm here.
    A tense moment of contemplation hangs in the air.
    LEAH
    Okay, okay. Fuck, I can't believe
    I'm agreeing to this.
    JUNIE
    (Relieved)
    Thank you, baby!
    32.

    LEAH
    (Sarcastic playful look)
    Oh so "baby" is allowed again?
    Junie playfully smothers Leah with kisses, their love
    rekindled amidst the chaos of their struggles.

    INT. JUNIE'S APARTMENT - BEDROOM - EARLY MORNING
    Leah lies in bed looking exhausted and depleted, finally
    managing to get some fitful sleep. The room is dimly lit by
    the soft morning light that filters through the curtains.
    Junie, dressed for work watching over Leah with love and
    concern. Junie sighs deeply, torn between her commitment to
    work and her deep concern for Leah. She places a cold
    washcloth on Leah's head, kisses her forehead and leaves.

    INT. SCHNEPP'S COMMUNICATIONS - JUNIE'S CRAMPED CUBICLE - DAY
    The heart of a bustling newspaper empire pulses around Junie.
    Her petite cubicle is engulfed by towering stacks of
    paperwork. Anxiety paints her face as she hunches over her
    computer screen.
    VICKY, a 50's, stern and unyielding woman in a sharp power
    suit, strides toward Junie's workstation, an air of
    displeasure trailing behind her.
    VICKY
    (With authority)
    Junie, my office please.
    Junie's apprehension is palpable as she understands the
    gravity of the summons.

    INT. SCHNEPP'S COMMUNICATIONS - VICKY'S OFFICE - DAY
    Junie, perched edgily across from Vicky, shrinks under her
    disapproving gaze. The room radiates tension, the
    undercurrent of an impending storm.
    Vicky's office is a testament to order and excellence,
    decorated with framed accolades and newspaper articles.
    VICKY
    You've been quite liberal with your
    leave, Junie.
    (Pauses for effect)
    Aspiring Art Directors can't afford
    unscheduled vacation weeks!
    33.

    Embarrassment creeps over Junie's features, her cheeks washed
    with shame.

    INT. HOWARD BEACH - N.A. MEETING - NIGHT
    Leah walks into the meeting room wearing Junie's oversized
    hoodie, looking a bit stronger but still visibly worn out.
    The room is plain and functional, filled with rows of chairs
    facing the front.
    As Leah scans the room, her eyes catch Nate standing in the
    back. He looks put together and bright. She quickly averts
    her gaze, pretending not to see him.

    INT. HOWARD BEACH - N.A. MEETING - LATER
    Leah fidgets in her chair towards the back of the room. A
    MIDDLE-AGED WHITE MALE addresses the members, giving a lecture.
    Nate sits behind Leah, observing her closely. He leans
    forward and whispers into her ear.
    NATE
    (Whispers)
    Hey...
    Leah keeps her focus ahead, arms crossed, closed off.
    Leah shakes her head slightly in annoyance.
    NATE (CONT'D)
    Hey, come on, it's good to see you,
    especially here.
    LEAH
    Oh, so now you drink the Kool-Aid.
    NATE
    I do, Le. I've changed.
    Leah chuckles under her breath sarcastically.
    NATE (CONT'D)
    I can help you. It's true, it works
    if you work it.
    LEAH
    (Annoyed)
    Jesus Christ. A few weeks and now
    your Bill Wilson.
    34.

    NATE
    Just give it a chance, you may find
    it isn't so bad.
    MEETING MEMBERS rise to their feet, applauding the conclusion
    of the lecture. As the group transitions into forming a
    circle and wrapping their arms around each other, Leah
    hesitantly joins, her body language reflecting reservation.
    Nate, on the other hand, eagerly embraces the circle,
    radiating enthusiasm and commitment.
    Leah observes Nate's genuine involvement, a flicker of doubt
    mixed with curiosity crossing her face, pondering the
    authenticity of Nate's claimed transformation.
    GROUP
    God, grant me the serenity...

    INT. HOWARD BEACH - N.A. MEETING - PARKING LOT - LATER
    Junie's Jeep pulls up, slicing through the darkness. Members
    of the N.A. meeting smoke outside the door. Leah stands in
    hushed conversation with Nate. Suspicion creeps into Junie's
    worry-laden expression.
    Genres: ["Drama"]

    Summary Junie wakes up tense and confronts Leah about her addiction. They have a heated argument, but Leah eventually agrees to go to rehab and attend N.A. meetings. The scene transitions to Junie taking care of Leah, Junie at work, and Leah attending an N.A. meeting where Nate tries to convince her to give it a chance. The scene ends with Junie finding heroin in Leah's bag.
    Strengths
    • Powerful dialogue
    • Emotional depth
    • Strong performances
    Weaknesses

      Ratings
      Overall

      Overall: 9

      The scene is highly engaging and emotionally charged, with strong performances and impactful dialogue.


      Story Content

      Concept: 8

      The concept of addiction and the challenges it poses in a relationship is well-executed and compelling.

      Plot: 8

      The plot progresses as Junie confronts Leah about her addiction and urges her to seek help.

      Originality: 8

      This scene demonstrates a level of originality through its authentic portrayal of the complexities of addiction and the impact it has on relationships. The dialogue feels genuine and captures the internal struggles of the characters. The actions and reactions of the characters are believable and contribute to the authenticity of the scene.


      Character Development

      Characters: 9

      The characters are well-developed and their emotions and conflicts are portrayed convincingly.

      Character Changes: 9

      Leah shows a willingness to seek help and change her behavior, while Junie grapples with her love for Leah and the challenges it brings.

      Internal Goal: 8

      The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to confront Leah about her addiction and the lies she has been telling. This reflects Junie's need for honesty, trust, and a stable relationship.

      External Goal: 7

      The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to convince Leah to go to rehab and seek help for her addiction. This reflects the immediate challenge of dealing with Leah's addiction and the potential consequences it may have on their relationship.


      Scene Elements

      Conflict Level: 9

      The scene is filled with intense emotional conflict between Junie and Leah.

      Opposition: 7

      The opposition in this scene is strong, as Junie confronts Leah about her addiction and challenges her to seek help. The audience is unsure of how Leah will respond and whether she will be willing to change.

      High Stakes: 9

      The stakes are high as Junie confronts Leah about her addiction and urges her to seek help, potentially risking their relationship.

      Story Forward: 8

      The scene moves the story forward by introducing the conflict between Junie and Leah and setting up their journey towards recovery.

      Unpredictability: 7

      This scene is unpredictable because it presents a complex and emotionally charged conversation between the characters, where the outcome is uncertain. The audience doesn't know how Junie will react to Leah's confession or if Leah will agree to seek help.

      Philosophical Conflict: 9

      There is a philosophical conflict evident in this scene between Junie's belief in love, trust, and commitment, and Leah's struggle with addiction and the belief that she needs drugs to survive. This challenges Junie's values and worldview, as she grapples with the complexity of addiction and the impact it has on their relationship.


      Audience Engagement

      Emotional Impact: 10

      The scene evokes strong emotions and creates a deep connection with the characters' struggles.

      Dialogue: 10

      The dialogue is powerful and effectively conveys the characters' emotions and conflicts.

      Engagement: 9

      This scene is engaging because it presents a high-stakes conflict between the characters, with intense emotions and raw dialogue. The reader is drawn into the characters' struggles and invested in the outcome of their conversation.

      Pacing: 8

      The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by creating a sense of tension and urgency. The dialogue and actions flow smoothly, allowing the reader to feel the emotional intensity of the scene.


      Technical Aspect

      Formatting: 9

      The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, with proper scene headings, character names, dialogue formatting, and action lines. It is well-organized and easy to read.

      Structure: 8

      The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings, character actions, and dialogue. It effectively establishes the setting, introduces conflict, and resolves it to some extent.


      Critique
      • The scene starts off with a tense and emotional moment between Junie and Leah, which is a strong way to grab the audience's attention. However, the dialogue in this scene feels a bit heavy-handed and could benefit from some subtlety and nuance. For example, Junie's angry outburst and Leah's emotional confession could be conveyed with more subtext and less explicit dialogue.
      • Additionally, the transition between scenes feels abrupt and could be smoother. There are several jumps in time and location that could be better connected to create a more cohesive narrative flow.
      • The visual descriptions in the scene are effective in setting the tone and atmosphere, but there could be more attention to detail in terms of specific actions and gestures that enhance the emotional impact of the scene.
      • The conflict between Junie and Leah is well-established, but there could be more exploration of their individual motivations and desires. This would add depth to their characters and make their relationship more compelling.
      • Overall, the scene has potential but could benefit from some refinement in terms of dialogue, transitions, visual descriptions, and character development.
      Suggestions
      • Consider rewriting some of the dialogue to be more subtle and nuanced, allowing the emotions and conflicts to be conveyed through subtext.
      • Smooth out the transitions between scenes to create a more cohesive narrative flow.
      • Add more specific and impactful visual descriptions to enhance the emotional impact of the scene.
      • Further explore the individual motivations and desires of Junie and Leah to add depth to their characters and make their relationship more compelling.
      • Revise and refine the scene to improve its overall effectiveness and impact.



      Scene 7 -  Confrontation and Concern
      EXT./INT. HOWARD BEACH - N.A. MEETING - PARKING LOT - JUNIE'S
      JEEP - MOMENTS LATER
      Leah, resigned, climbs into the Jeep. Junie's gaze lingers on
      Nate's figure.
      JUNIE
      Who's that?
      Leah follows Junie's eyes to Nate.
      LEAH
      Nate.
      JUNIE
      Nate the junkie!?
      Leah nods, the weight of Nate's presence palpable.
      JUNIE (CONT'D)
      Why's he staring at you like that?
      LEAH
      Says he's changed, wants to help me.
      35.

      JUNIE
      Well, isn't that wonderful.
      (Pause)
      Do you believe him!?
      LEAH
      I don't know, he seemed sincere.
      JUNIE
      Leah, come on. He's into you. He
      gives me the creeps.
      LEAH
      He knows I'm gay.
      JUNIE
      Damsel in distress and a challenge,
      huh? I know nothing about that.
      Leah's shoulders sag with exhaustion.
      LEAH
      Babe, I don't have the energy.
      Junie studies Nate and then refocuses on Leah, deciding to
      let it go.
      JUNIE
      How was the meeting?
      LEAH
      They're suggesting methadone but there’s
      a fucking waiting list everywhere.
      (Frustrated)
      I don't understand why these
      withdrawals won't stop.
      JUNIE
      You think methadone could help?
      LEAH
      (Shrugs shoulders)
      If it means I can have a chance at a
      life with you, I'm willing to try.
      JUNIE
      (Flirtatious)
      With a white picket fence and a
      cute dog?
      LEAH
      (Smiling despite the
      struggle)
      (MORE)
      36.
      LEAH (CONT'D)
      It's crazy I can imagine a life
      like that and feel excited.
      Junie leans in, offering comfort.
      JUNIE
      Let's see about the methadone. Okay?
      Leah leans her forehead into Junie's and lovingly nods yes.
      Junie starts the car, as she does, she makes eye contact with
      Nate. Their gazes lock, filled with disdain.

      INT. JUNIE'S APARTMENT - BEDROOM - MORNING
      Leah restlessly tosses and turns in bed, her face contorted
      with discomfort. She eventually sits up, her frustration
      evident. On the side table, a note catches her eye. It reads,
      "Call the clinic, I love you."
      Summoning her strength, Leah reaches for her phone and dials.
      CLINIC WORKER (O.S.)
      Hello?
      LEAH
      Hi, I... I'm calling to see if there's
      any availability for an appointment.
      CLINIC WORKER (O.S.)
      I'm sorry, but there are currently
      no openings. I can add you to the
      wait list.
      LEAH
      I'm already on it. I’m really not
      feeling good. Is there anything
      anyone can do?
      CLINIC WORKER (O.S.)
      Sorry, not at the moment. I would
      suggest leaning on a sober support
      network during these difficult
      times. They can really help.
      Leah, looking defeated, ends the call. She sits,
      contemplates.
      37.

      INT. NATE'S APARTMENT - LIVING ROOM - DUSK
      Leah sits slouched on the couch, wearing Junie's hoodie. Nate
      reclines on the other side, looking surprisingly calm. The
      living room is now tidy and well-kept.
      NATE
      How are you holdin' up?
      LEAH
      (Defeated)
      Still sick.
      NATE
      (Sarcastic)
      Ah, yes, post-acute withdrawal. A
      six-day detox and prescriptions for
      lifelong meetings always does the
      trick.
      LEAH
      Does it ever end?
      NATE
      Patience was never your strong
      suit, Le.
      LEAH
      Oh, and now you're the Dali fuckin'
      Lama?
      Nate chuckles. A wry smile playing on his lips,
      NATE
      Honestly, I use a little bit here
      and there to take the edge off.
      Leah's laughter is laced with sarcasm, her expression bearing
      a knowing look that suggests, "I should have known better."
      NATE (CONT'D)
      What? It's a little unconventional,
      I know.
      LEAH
      You're so full of shit.
      NATE
      Do I seem like I'm out of control?
      You sufferin' like a dog, now
      that's bullshit.
      (A beat)
      I'm not sayin' it's a long-term
      solution.
      (MORE)
      38.
      NATE (CONT'D)
      I'm just managing until a methadone
      slot opens.
      (Looks Leah up and down)
      Look at yourself, Leah. You like
      being in pain like this?
      Leah ponders, her expression softening.

      INT. JUNIE'S APARTMENT - LIVING ROOM - SAME TIME
      Junie enters and sees John on the couch.
      JUNIE
      Hey, sorry I'm late. Thanks for
      checking on her. Where is she?
      JOHN
      She went to a friend's house.
      Junie's eyes fill with panic.
      JUNIE
      Who!?
      JOHN
      Nate, I think?
      JUNIE
      FUCK!
      Junie frantically runs out the front door.

      INT. NATE'S APARTMENT - LIVING ROOM - SAME TIME
      Nate edges closer to Leah, his words dripping with
      persuasion.
      NATE
      I'm gonna make you feel better, Okay?
      A wash of desperation floods Leah's eyes as she nods. Nate reveals
      an already loaded syringe. Her eyes flutter shut as despair
      consumes her.
      NATE (CONT'D)
      This is all I have left. I'll let
      you have it.
      39.

      INT. JUNIE'S JEEP - SAME TIME
      Junie battles Belt parkway traffic, tension drawn on her
      face.

      INT. NATE'S APARTMENT - LIVING ROOM - SAME TIME
      Nate fastens a tourniquet on Leah's arm, a tear trickles down
      her cheek. Nate administers the dose as Leah's body goes
      limp, cradled by Nate's arms.
      NATE
      (Whispers)
      All better now.

      INT. JUNIE'S JEEP - SAME TIME
      Junie careens through narrow side streets, eyes darting until
      they lock onto Leah's parked car.

      INT. NATE'S APARTMENT - LIVING ROOM - SAME TIME
      Leah lies partially conscious on the couch. Nate starts taking off
      Leah's pants. Suddenly, a loud, urgent BANG echoes through the
      room, causing Nate to freeze. He glances out the window and spots
      a panicked Junie outside.
      Nate's face twists in panic as he contemplates his next move.
      With a frenzied urgency, he wakes Leah.
      NATE
      Hey, sweetie. Hey, wake up. We've
      got company.
      Leah stirs, barely aware as Nate attempts to rouse her.
      Leah begins to drift back into a daze.
      NATE (CONT'D) (CONT'D)
      (Frantic)
      No, no. Come on, you need to get up.
      Leah stirs again. He assists Leah in steadying herself,
      holding her close.

      INT. NATE'S APARTMENT - FRONT ENTRYWAY - CONTINUOUS
      Leah, heavily leaning on Nate as he opens the door. Junie
      charges inside, clutching Leah protectively.
      40.

      Junie stares of Nate with rage.
      JUNIE
      Stay. The. Fuck. Away from her.
      Nate glares back at Junie for a moment.
      Junie starts to retreat to the car, guiding disoriented Leah.
      NATE
      (Loud as they walk away)
      Now is that how you treat a person
      who's just trying to help.
      Genres: ["Drama"]

      Summary Leah climbs into Junie's Jeep and they discuss Nate, who claims to have changed and wants to help her. Junie expresses skepticism and warns Leah about Nate's intentions. They consider methadone treatment for Leah's withdrawals and make plans to explore it. Leah feels sick and frustrated when she can't get an appointment at the clinic. She contemplates her situation. Leah visits Nate's apartment where he suggests using drugs to manage her withdrawal symptoms. Junie arrives, confronts Nate, and takes Leah away. Nate tries to convince Junie that he was just trying to help.
      Strengths
      • Realistic and engaging dialogue
      • Strong emotional impact
      • Well-developed characters
      • Tension and conflict
      Weaknesses

        Ratings
        Overall

        Overall: 9

        The scene effectively conveys the emotional turmoil and tension between the characters, while also highlighting the difficult choices Leah must make in her recovery journey. The dialogue is realistic and engaging, and the conflict is palpable.


        Story Content

        Concept: 8

        The concept of addiction recovery and the challenges faced by individuals trying to change their lives is well-executed in this scene. It explores the internal struggle of Leah and the external influences that impact her recovery.

        Plot: 9

        The plot of the scene revolves around Leah's decision to try methadone as a potential solution to her withdrawal symptoms. It also introduces the conflict between Nate and Junie, adding tension and raising the stakes for Leah.

        Originality: 6

        The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the theme of addiction and recovery is a familiar one, the specific dynamics between the characters and their struggles with withdrawal and finding treatment add a fresh perspective. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


        Character Development

        Characters: 9

        The characters in the scene are well-developed and their emotions and motivations are clearly conveyed. Leah's struggle and vulnerability, Junie's protectiveness, and Nate's conflicting influence are all effectively portrayed.

        Character Changes: 8

        Leah experiences some character change in the scene as she contemplates trying methadone and faces the conflicting influences of Nate and Junie. Her vulnerability and willingness to try something new show growth and change.

        Internal Goal: 8

        The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to find relief from her withdrawal symptoms and seek help for her addiction. This reflects her deeper need for stability, a chance at a better life, and the fear of relapse.

        External Goal: 7

        The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to find a methadone slot to help with her withdrawals and have a chance at a better life with her partner. This reflects the immediate challenge she is facing in finding treatment and overcoming her addiction.


        Scene Elements

        Conflict Level: 9

        The conflict in the scene is high, with tension between Leah, Junie, and Nate. The conflicting desires and motivations of the characters create a sense of urgency and raise the stakes for Leah's recovery.

        Opposition: 8

        The opposition in this scene is strong, as the protagonist faces challenges and conflicts from both external factors (lack of availability for treatment, Nate's presence) and internal struggles (withdrawal symptoms, skepticism from Junie). The audience is unsure of how the protagonist will overcome these obstacles.

        High Stakes: 9

        The stakes are high in the scene as Leah's recovery and well-being are at risk. The conflicting influences of Nate and Junie add to the tension and raise the stakes for Leah's future.

        Story Forward: 9

        The scene moves the story forward by introducing the potential solution of methadone, raising the stakes for Leah's recovery, and deepening the conflict between the characters. It sets up further tension and choices for Leah.

        Unpredictability: 7

        This scene is unpredictable because it introduces unexpected obstacles and challenges for the protagonist, such as the lack of availability for methadone treatment and the appearance of Nate, a character from her past. The audience is unsure of how the protagonist will navigate these obstacles.

        Philosophical Conflict: 7

        There is a philosophical conflict evident in this scene between the protagonist's desire for a chance at a better life and her struggle with addiction, and the skepticism and concern of her partner, Junie. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs about her own ability to change and the support she receives from others.


        Audience Engagement

        Emotional Impact: 9

        The scene has a strong emotional impact, with the audience empathizing with Leah's struggle and feeling the tension and conflict between the characters. The desperation, frustration, and love are palpable.

        Dialogue: 9

        The dialogue in the scene is realistic and engaging. It effectively conveys the emotions, conflicts, and motivations of the characters, driving the scene forward and adding depth to their relationships.

        Engagement: 9

        This scene is engaging because it presents a high-stakes situation for the protagonist and creates tension through the dialogue and actions of the characters. The audience is invested in the outcome of the protagonist's struggle with addiction and her relationship with Junie.

        Pacing: 8

        The pacing of this scene contributes to its effectiveness by creating a sense of urgency and tension. The dialogue exchanges and character actions are well-paced, keeping the audience engaged and moving the plot forward.


        Technical Aspect

        Formatting: 9

        The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It includes scene headings, character names, dialogue, and narrative description in a clear and organized manner.

        Structure: 8

        The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It begins with an establishing shot and then moves into a series of dialogue exchanges and character actions that advance the plot and reveal the internal and external goals of the protagonist.


        Critique
        • The scene starts off with Leah climbing into Junie's Jeep, but it's not clear why they are in the parking lot or what they were doing before. It would be helpful to provide some context or transition from the previous scene.
        • The dialogue between Junie and Leah about Nate feels a bit forced and on-the-nose. It would be more effective to show their tension and skepticism through their actions and body language.
        • The conversation about methadone treatment feels rushed and lacks depth. It would be beneficial to explore Leah's reservations and fears about trying methadone, as well as Junie's concerns and support for the idea.
        • The transition from Junie's apartment to Nate's apartment is abrupt and could be smoother. It would be helpful to provide a clearer indication of the change in location.
        • The dialogue between Leah and Nate in Nate's apartment feels a bit cliché and predictable. It would be more engaging to have a more nuanced and unexpected conversation between them.
        • The scene ends with Junie finding heroin in Leah's bag, which is a strong cliffhanger. However, it would be helpful to provide some indication of Junie's reaction or emotions in that moment.
        Suggestions
        • Provide a smoother transition or context for Leah and Junie being in the parking lot.
        • Show the tension and skepticism between Junie and Leah through their actions and body language, rather than relying solely on dialogue.
        • Expand on the conversation about methadone treatment to explore Leah's reservations and fears, as well as Junie's concerns and support.
        • Improve the transition from Junie's apartment to Nate's apartment to make it clearer and smoother.
        • Develop a more nuanced and unexpected conversation between Leah and Nate in Nate's apartment.
        • Include some indication of Junie's reaction or emotions when she finds heroin in Leah's bag.



        Scene 8 -  Leah's Worsening Condition and Arrest
        INT. DEBBIE'S HOME - KITCHEN - NIGHT
        Junie, Maggie, Debbie, Madison and Gab sit at the dimly lit
        table, their faces etched.
        GAB
        (Concerned)
        She’s just getting worse.
        JUNIE
        I don't know what to do anymore. I'm
        terrified that she's going to die.
        DEBBIE
        (To Junie)
        Honey, I think it's best you both
        stay here, until we figure out a
        plan.
        MAGGIE
        Yeah, good luck with that. She'll
        throw a fit. She hates Jack.
        JUNIE
        (Agitated to Maggie)
        We'll figure out a way to make her
        deal with it.
        MAGGIE
        (Aggressive to Junie)
        I know Leah. She’ll just leave!
        GAB
        (Aggressive)
        I’m taking her car with me to Queens.
        Enough with the enabling. All of you!
        Awkward silence. Gab stares daggers at Junie and Maggie.
        41.

        GAB (CONT'D)
        Whatever this issue is, figure it
        out. Understood?
        Junie and Maggie nod reluctantly.

        INT. DEBBIE'S HOME - BEDROOM - DAY
        Leah lies under the covers, her face glistening with a cold
        sweat. The room is dimly lit by the soft, filtered daylight.
        Moments later, the doorbell RINGS, its sound cutting through
        the quiet tension. Leah struggles to get up, her trembling
        hand reaching for the covers as she grapples with her
        persistent discomfort.


        EXT. DEBBIE'S HOME - ENTRYWAY - MOMENTS LATER
        The daylight casts a stark contrast on the suburban entryway
        of Debbie's home. Leah, looking disheveled, opens the front
        door, revealing two imposing figures on the porch.
        DETECTIVE TOMASULO, a middle-aged man with a stern
        expression, and DETECTIVE EDWARDS, slightly younger, both
        dressed in sharp suits, present their credentials.
        DETECTIVE TOMASULO
        Good afternoon, Ms. Oliverio. I'm
        Detective Tomasulo, and this is
        Detective Edwards. May we come in?
        We have some questions we'd like to
        ask you.
        LEAH
        Questions about what?
        DETECTIVE TOMASULO
        A recent prescription you filled.
        Leah stares, tension and fear are palpable in her expression.

        INT. DEBBIE'S HOME - FRONT PORCH - NIGHT
        Junie sits on a porch chair, her face etched with worry.
        Maggie walks up with urgency.
        MAGGIE
        I can't believe this happened. How
        did she sound?
        42.

        JUNIE
        I told you, you didn't need to come
        here.
        MAGGIE
        I'm not sitting at home while she's
        in jail. I'm coming to her
        arraignment tomorrow, sorry if that
        ruins your plans.
        (Maggie sits down)
        Where's Debbie?
        JUNIE
        On her way.
        Maggie sits next to Junie and begins to fix her shoelaces,
        straightening them out repeatedly. Junie watches Maggie and
        raises her eyebrows.
        MAGGIE
        What?
        JUNIE
        Nothing.
        MAGGIE
        Your face says differently.
        JUNIE
        Why don't you like me, Maggie?
        Maggie stops fixing her shoelaces and looks at Junie.
        MAGGIE
        Ever since you've come around, Leah
        has spiraled like I've never seen,
        she's in fucking jail for God’s sake.
        JUNIE
        (With passion)
        That's not my fault Maggie, I'm trying
        to help her. I love her.
        (Pause)
        You know I'm not going anywhere,
        right? I'm with Leah until the end.
        MAGGIE
        Well, let's hope you aren't.
        Leah's end.
        (A beat)
        Sorry, that was over the line.
        (Heavy silence)
        Look, we all know I'm not your
        favorite person either.
        (MORE)
        43.
        MAGGIE (CONT'D)
        We both love her, we both aren't
        going anywhere. Let's try to work
        together. Okay?
        Junie nods her head yes. Debbie arrives. Maggie gets up and
        embraces a teary-eyed Debbie. Junie watches with heavy
        conflicted emotion.

        INT. NASSAU COUNTY JAIL - HOLDING CELL - DAWN
        Leah, wearing Junie's hoodie, shivers on the chilly gray
        floor beside the shared toilet. Her face pale and etched with
        fear. FIVE other DETAINEES surround her, their eyes full of
        stoic acceptance and hardened by experience.
        A stony-faced GUARD sits at a desk outside the cell. He rises
        and approaches the bars.
        THE GUARD
        Ok, everybody up and line up. Let's go!
        LEAH
        What's happening?
        DETAINEE 1, a sturdy woman with a hint of sarcasm
        DETAINEE 1
        We're going to arraignment. I'm
        sure you'll be home soon. Got some
        rich parents to bail you out? Nice
        sneakers.
        DETAINEE 2, a no-nonsense type, chimes in.
        DETAINEE 2
        Oh, come on! You know they'll let this
        white bitch go on her own recognizance.
        Detainee 1 looks at the others, then back at Leah, and
        relents.
        DETAINEE 1
        You bitches gonna help with this one?
        DETAINEE 3, kinder than the rest, steps forward.
        DETAINEE 3
        Alright, pretty girl, up we go.
        Detainee's assist Leah getting up. The Guard enters,
        shackling them together assembly line style.
        44.

        Leah struggles to stand, but detainee 3 and detainee 1
        provide assistance. Detainee 3 looks back at Leah.
        DETAINEE 3 (CONT'D)
        Mama, look at me. You got this. One
        foot in front of the other. Okay?
        We won't let you fall.
        Leah manages a nod, acknowledging their support.
        GUARD
        (With authority)
        Ok, ladies, move it!

        INT. NASSAU COUNTY JAIL - ARRAIGNMENT COURT - DAY
        Leah, visibly weak, struggles to stand beside her ATTORNEY in front
        of the bench. JUDGE BRENNAN, a stern presence, presides over the
        court from the bench, flanked by COURT OFFICIALS and a GUARD.
        In the spectator seating area, Leah's family, Junie, and
        Maggie anxiously await the proceedings.
        JUDGE BRENNAN
        Some serious charges here, Counsel.
        ATTORNEY
        Your honor, it's her first time in
        such a situation. She's wrangling
        with addiction and needs help, not
        incarceration.
        Judge Brennan ponders and looks sternly at Leah.
        JUDGE BRENNAN
        (With Authority)
        Ms. Oliverio I’m releasing you to
        the custody of your attorney and
        family. But heed my words, Ms.
        Oliverio, I expect improvement.
        Leah nods graciously.
        JUDGE BRENNAN (CONT'D)
        Ms. Oliverio I'm sending you directly to
        the hospital to get you guest dose at
        the methadone clinic. You will go there
        every day until your rehabilitation
        services are squared away.
        (A beat)
        Leah, I want to be clear: You've
        committed a serious felony.
        (MORE)
        45.
        JUDGE BRENNAN (CONT'D)
        This is your chance to get your
        life back on track. If you don't,
        it could mean a seven-year prison
        sentence.
        Leah nods yes. Judge Brennan pounds his gavel.
        ATTORNEY
        Thank you, your honor.
        The court officer guides Leah back to her family, where
        Maggie, with tears in her eyes, rushes to comfort her. Junie
        observes this touching moment uncomfortably.
        With Maggie's assistance, Leah joins her family, and they all
        head towards the exit.
        Leah hesitates, she glances back at the detainee's seated by
        the bench. Detainee 3 gestures for Leah to lift her chin.
        Leah obediently lifts her chin and walks out of the court.

        INT. METHADONE CLINIC - DAY
        A MONTAGE unfolds as Leah makes her way to the methadone
        clinic window. Behind the window sits elderly NURSE JANE, her
        face devoid of emotion, as she hands Leah a small cup filled
        with liquid methadone.
        Leah drinks the methadone, finishing the cup, then playfully
        lifts it and holds it like a basketball. She launches the cup
        towards a small wastebasket overflowing with discarded cups.
        Leah's throw goes wide, and the cup misses its mark. She sighs,
        walks over, retrieves the cup, and neatly places it inside the
        basket. Jane watches Leah with a hint of irritation.
        Leah returns to the methadone clinic window, once again, Jane
        hands her a small cup of methadone. Leah repeats her playful
        basketball ritual. This time, after she misses the shot, she
        flashes a smile at Jane, who remains cold and expressionless.
        Leah makes her way to the clinic window once more. After
        missing her shot for the third time, Leah laughs heartily at
        herself. Jane shakes her head in disapproval, but Leah shrugs
        it off, smiles, and departs from the clinic.
        The MONTAGE comes to an end.
        Genres: ["Drama"]

        Summary In this scene, Junie, Maggie, Debbie, Madison, and Gab discuss Leah's worsening condition and the need for a plan. Gab expresses frustration and takes Leah's car to Queens. Leah is shown in her bedroom, struggling with discomfort. The doorbell rings, and Leah opens the door to two detectives. In another scene, Junie and Maggie have a tense conversation on the porch while waiting for Debbie. Leah is shown in a jail cell with other detainees. They prepare to go to arraignment. Leah appears in court with her attorney and family. The judge releases her to their custody but warns her to improve. Leah goes to a methadone clinic and has a playful interaction with Nurse Jane.
        Strengths
        • Intense and impactful dialogue
        • Effective portrayal of conflicts and tensions
        • Compelling character dynamics
        • Emotional depth
        • Engaging plot developments
        Weaknesses
        • Some dialogue could be more nuanced and subtle

        Ratings
        Overall

        Overall: 9

        The scene effectively conveys the emotional turmoil and high stakes faced by the characters. The dialogue is intense and impactful, and the conflicts and tensions are well-developed. The scene also moves the story forward and introduces important plot developments.


        Story Content

        Concept: 8

        The concept of the scene, which revolves around addiction, legal trouble, and the need for support, is well-executed. It effectively explores the complexities of addiction and the challenges faced by the characters.

        Plot: 9

        The plot of the scene is engaging and compelling. It introduces conflicts, tensions, and high stakes that drive the story forward. The scene also sets up important plot developments and raises questions that keep the audience invested.

        Originality: 8

        This scene demonstrates a level of originality through its portrayal of the complex dynamics within a family dealing with addiction and legal trouble. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


        Character Development

        Characters: 9

        The characters in the scene are well-developed and their emotions and motivations are effectively conveyed. Their conflicts, tensions, and relationships drive the scene and create compelling dynamics.

        Character Changes: 8

        The scene shows the characters going through emotional changes and grappling with their relationships and responsibilities. It sets up potential character arcs and development.

        Internal Goal: 8

        The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to support and help Leah, who is struggling with addiction and facing legal trouble. This reflects the protagonist's deeper need to protect and care for their loved ones.

        External Goal: 7

        The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to navigate Leah's legal situation and ensure her well-being. This reflects the immediate challenge of dealing with the consequences of Leah's actions.


        Scene Elements

        Conflict Level: 9

        The scene is filled with conflicts and tensions among the characters, both internal and external. The conflicts drive the story forward and create a sense of urgency and high stakes.

        Opposition: 8

        The opposition in this scene is strong, with conflicts between the characters and the challenges they face, such as Leah's legal trouble and the tension between Junie and Maggie.

        High Stakes: 9

        The scene involves high stakes, including legal trouble, addiction, and the potential for long prison sentences. The characters' actions and decisions have significant consequences.

        Story Forward: 9

        The scene moves the story forward by introducing important plot developments, raising questions, and creating conflicts and tensions that propel the narrative.

        Unpredictability: 7

        This scene is unpredictable because it introduces unexpected challenges and conflicts for the characters, such as Leah's legal trouble and the tension between Junie and Maggie.

        Philosophical Conflict: 7

        There is a philosophical conflict evident in this scene between enabling Leah's behavior and holding her accountable for her actions. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs about supporting loved ones while also recognizing the need for personal responsibility.


        Audience Engagement

        Emotional Impact: 9

        The scene evokes strong emotions in the audience, including worry, fear, agitation, and support. The characters' struggles and the high stakes create a sense of tension and emotional investment.

        Dialogue: 9

        The dialogue in the scene is intense, impactful, and reveals the characters' emotions, conflicts, and motivations. It effectively conveys the escalating tensions and conflicts among the characters.

        Engagement: 9

        This scene is engaging because it presents high stakes and conflicts between the characters, creating tension and emotional investment for the audience.

        Pacing: 8

        The pacing of this scene contributes to its effectiveness by creating a sense of urgency and tension, particularly in the courtroom scene where the protagonist's fate is decided.


        Technical Aspect

        Formatting: 9

        The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, with proper use of dialogue, action, and scene descriptions. It is clear and easy to follow.

        Structure: 8

        The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings and a progression of events that build tension and conflict.


        Critique
        • The scene starts off with a group of characters sitting at a dimly lit table, discussing Leah's worsening condition. While the concern and tension are evident, the dialogue feels a bit on the nose and lacks subtlety. Consider adding more subtext and nuance to the conversation to make it feel more natural and realistic.
        • The conflict between Junie and Maggie is introduced when Maggie expresses her skepticism about Leah staying at Debbie's home. However, the conflict feels forced and the dialogue between them becomes aggressive too quickly. It would be more effective to build up the tension gradually and allow the conflict to simmer before reaching its peak.
        • The transition from the kitchen scene to Leah's bedroom is abrupt and could benefit from a smoother transition. Consider adding a transitional shot or a brief moment of reflection from Leah to help the audience understand the shift in location.
        • The encounter between Leah and the detectives on the front porch lacks suspense and tension. The dialogue feels a bit too straightforward and predictable. Consider adding more ambiguity and intrigue to the conversation to keep the audience engaged and guessing.
        • The scene between Junie and Maggie on the porch is emotionally charged, but the dialogue feels a bit heavy-handed. Instead of explicitly stating their feelings and motivations, consider using more subtext and allowing the audience to infer their emotions through their actions and expressions.
        • The scene in the jail cell has potential for high stakes and tension, but it falls a bit flat. The dialogue between the detainees feels cliché and lacks depth. Consider adding more complexity and individuality to the characters to make the scene more compelling.
        • The arraignment court scene is a pivotal moment in the story, but it feels rushed and lacks emotional impact. Consider slowing down the pacing and allowing the tension to build before the judge delivers his warning. This will make the stakes feel higher and the consequences more significant.
        • The montage at the methadone clinic is a nice visual sequence, but it could benefit from more variety and creativity. Consider exploring different angles, shots, and editing techniques to make the montage more visually engaging and dynamic.
        Suggestions
        • Rewrite the dialogue in the kitchen scene to add more subtext and nuance. Allow the characters to express their concerns and fears in a more subtle and realistic manner.
        • Build up the conflict between Junie and Maggie gradually, allowing the tension to simmer before reaching its peak. This will make the conflict feel more organic and impactful.
        • Smooth out the transition from the kitchen scene to Leah's bedroom by adding a transitional shot or a moment of reflection from Leah.
        • Add more suspense and intrigue to the encounter between Leah and the detectives on the front porch. Make the dialogue more ambiguous and unpredictable to keep the audience engaged.
        • Use more subtext and allow the audience to infer the emotions and motivations of Junie and Maggie in their porch scene. Show their feelings through their actions and expressions.
        • Add more complexity and individuality to the detainees in the jail cell scene. Make their dialogue more unique and nuanced to create a more compelling and realistic dynamic.
        • Slow down the pacing in the arraignment court scene and allow the tension to build before the judge delivers his warning. This will make the stakes feel higher and the consequences more significant.
        • Experiment with different angles, shots, and editing techniques in the montage at the methadone clinic to make it more visually engaging and dynamic.



        Scene 9 -  A Challenging Journey to Rehab
        INT. DEBBIE'S HOME - LIVING ROOM - DAY
        Leah lies in Junie’s lap on the couch.
        46.

        JUNIE
        Baby, I’m so proud of you.
        LEAH
        Being the world's biggest fuck up?
        JUNIE
        No, you Jerk, you look so good.
        These last two weeks have just
        been…
        (Pause)
        LEAH
        Halcyon?
        Junie melts. Leah revels in the moment.
        LEAH (CONT'D)
        The methadone really helped. I can
        fuckin' breathe.
        JUNIE
        I'm really going to miss you.
        LEAH
        It makes no sense to be sent to
        rehab in Syracuse. Fucking
        ridiculous. Why can't they just
        keep giving me methadone here? With
        you?
        JUNIE
        Baby, try to be positive. I’ll be up
        to visit every weekend.
        LEAH
        Let’s see if I even make it up there
        tomorrow. I’m not confident me and
        Maggie won't kill each other.
        Junie shifts uncomfortably.
        JUNIE
        I’m sorry I can’t take you; My boss
        would kill me. I'm glad Maggie can help.
        Leah sits up.
        LEAH
        Are you really?
        JUNIE
        I'm trying.
        47.

        Leah kisses Junie.
        LEAH
        Thank you. No one's ever tried with
        Maggie.
        JUNIE
        You're welcome.
        LEAH
        Would you ... maybe ... check in
        with her while I'm gone?
        Junie looks at Leah and raises her brow.
        LEAH (CONT'D)
        It would mean a lot to me. I'm
        worried she won't leave the house.
        Please? It'll make my time up there
        a lot easier.
        Junie kisses Leah's forehead and nods her head yes.

        EXT. MAGGIE'S CAR - HIGHWAY - NIGHT
        Maggie and Leah in the car, careen through a thick, heavy
        snowfall. Maggie grits her teeth, adjusting her grip on the
        steering wheel every few seconds.
        MAGGIE
        Go in my bag and get my Xanax.
        Leah eyes Maggie, a mix of concern and irritation clouding
        her expression. She hesitates for a moment but reluctantly
        delves into the bag, fishing out the small pill bottle, and
        hands it over to Maggie.
        MAGGIE (CONT'D)
        (Noticing Leah's unease)
        What's the problem?
        LEAH
        Nothing Mags, nothing.
        Maggie takes two pills out and swallows them dry.
        MAGGIE
        Are you triggered or something?
        LEAH
        No, but watching my designated rehab
        driver pop Xanax in a snowstorm does.
        48.

        MAGGIE
        (Passionate)
        This isn't funny! You're in real
        trouble this time. You're facing seven
        years in prison. Don't you get that?
        Let's not even discuss how my
        father won't even look at me after
        your little stunt playing doctor.
        Leah lights a cigarette and opens her window. Snow flies into
        the vehicle. Maggie, annoyed, lowers her window to the same
        level as Leah's. Snow flies into the car frantically.
        LEAH
        (Yelling)
        What are you doing?
        MAGGIE
        (Yelling)
        If your window is open, I need mine
        open, or you'll die!
        Leah sneers, tosses her cigarette, and rolls up her window.
        Maggie follows suit. The lights of a gas station glow in the
        distance.
        LEAH
        Pull over!
        MAGGIE
        Why!?
        LEAH
        Just pull the fuck over!
        Maggie pulls into the gas station. She puts the car in park.
        LEAH (CONT'D)
        I'm the subject of your compulsions?
        You'll think I'll die?
        MAGGIE
        What does it matter anyway. You are
        going to die. You're so selfish.
        Leah stares at Maggie, stunned by the accusation.
        MAGGIE (CONT'D)
        You don't even see what you're
        doing to yourself is doing to me!
        It's killing me. Oh. that's right,
        all you care about is Junie.
        49.

        LEAH
        That's not true.
        MAGGIE
        Whatever. I have to pee. Do you
        want anything from inside?
        LEAH
        Mags, I love you, I'm sorry.
        Maggie exits the car, slams the door, and walks to the gas
        station. Leah looks upset, then abruptly starts rummaging through
        Maggie's bag, takes out the Xanax, pours half the bottle into a
        hidden pocket of her jacket and puts it back. She sits idle.
        Maggie returns, buckles her seatbelt, and turns to Leah.
        MAGGIE
        Look Le, I’m sorry. Can we forget it.
        Leah just nods. Maggie surprises her with a hug.
        MAGGIE (CONT'D)
        I love you too.

        INT. WILLOW INPATIENT REHAB - PARKING LOT - MAGGIE'S CAR - LATER
        Maggie and Leah stare at the cold, dark, rehab ahead.
        MAGGIE
        Ready?
        Leah's gaze remains locked straight ahead, a palpable sense
        of dread etched on her face.
        She shifts her gaze to Leah.
        MAGGIE (CONT'D)
        I'm proud of you.
        Maggie takes a deep breath, her attention shifting to the
        rearview mirror, she checks the car's alignment multiple
        times. Leah watches Maggie with concern.
        LEAH
        Are you going to be, okay?
        Maggie shakes her head yes.
        LEAH (CONT'D)
        Can I ask you something?
        50.

        MAGGIE
        You've got some nerve to ask me for
        something else today.
        LEAH
        Give Junie a chance please?
        MAGGIE
        I have.
        LEAH
        Mags...
        MAGGIE
        What?
        LEAH
        She thinks you hate her.
        MAGGIE
        -- whatever. I truly don't have a
        problem with her.
        Leah stares at Maggie, silently calling out her lie.
        MAGGIE (CONT'D)
        You really love her, huh?
        Leah nods. Maggie sighs heavily.
        MAGGIE (CONT'D)
        Okay...okay. I'll try.
        LEAH
        Thank you.
        (A beat)
        Also, you know, maybe keep on eye on
        her for me over these next six months.
        MAGGIE
        Ok, get out of my car.
        LEAH
        Please be careful driving back.
        Make sure all the windows are
        cracked evenly... so I don't die.
        MAGGIE
        Fuck you, Leah.
        Leah grabs Maggie's face.
        51.

        LEAH
        Keep going to the shrink, keep taking
        your meds. I'm proud of you too.
        Leah kisses Maggie's forehead, gets out of the car, grabs her
        suitcase and walks toward the rehab.

        INT. WILLOW INPATIENT REHAB - SEARCH ROOM - NIGHT
        Leah watches anxiously as a FACILITY WORKER searches through her
        belongings, including her jacket. He misses the hidden pocket.

        INT. WILLOW INPATIENT REHAB - NURSES STATION - LATER
        The NURSE hands Leah a cup of pills and a small cup of water.
        LEAH
        Where’s my methadone?
        NURSE
        Methadone? That not in your chart.
        Terror comes over Leah's expression.
        LEAH
        (Loud)
        WHAT!?
        The nurse remains unfazed by Leah's distress, maintaining an
        emotionless demeanor.
        LEAH (CONT'D)
        This has to be a mistake. Who can I
        speak to?
        NURSE
        You can speak to a counselor in the
        morning.
        LEAH
        I'll be sick by then!
        NURSE
        I don’t know what to tell you. And
        do not raise your voice at me
        again. Now take your pills.
        Leah, agitated, swallows the pills, and walks away.
        52.
        Genres: ["Drama"]

        Summary Leah and Junie have a heartfelt conversation about Leah's progress in rehab and their relationship. Leah expresses her concern about leaving Maggie alone and asks Junie to check in on her. Leah and Maggie argue during their car ride to the rehab facility, but eventually reconcile. Leah secretly takes some of Maggie's Xanax at a gas station. They arrive at the rehab where Leah is distressed to find out her methadone is not in her chart. She confronts a nurse but is told to speak to a counselor in the morning. Leah reluctantly takes her pills and walks away.
        Strengths
        • Intense emotional moments
        • Realistic dialogue
        • Strong character development
        Weaknesses
        • Some dialogue could be more concise

        Ratings
        Overall

        Overall: 9

        The scene effectively captures the intense emotions and conflicts between the characters, setting up the central conflict and establishing the stakes for the story.


        Story Content

        Concept: 8

        The concept of the scene revolves around the protagonist's journey to rehab and the strained relationship with her friend. It effectively introduces the central conflict and explores themes of addiction, love, and personal growth.

        Plot: 9

        The plot of the scene is engaging and compelling, as it follows the characters on their journey to rehab and highlights the tensions and emotions between them. It effectively sets up the conflicts and motivations for the rest of the story.

        Originality: 6

        The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the overall situation of a character going to rehab and facing personal and external challenges is familiar, the specific dynamics between the characters and the rawness of their interactions add a fresh and authentic touch. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue contributes to the originality.


        Character Development

        Characters: 10

        The characters are well-developed and their emotions and motivations are effectively portrayed. The scene delves into their complex relationships and personal struggles, creating a strong emotional connection with the audience.

        Character Changes: 9

        The protagonist undergoes a significant change as she confronts her addiction and makes the decision to go to rehab. The scene sets up her character arc and foreshadows her journey of personal growth.

        Internal Goal: 8

        The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to find hope and support in her relationship with Junie and Maggie, despite her own doubts and fears. It reflects her deeper need for love, understanding, and stability.

        External Goal: 7

        The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to safely reach the rehab facility and start her treatment. It reflects the immediate circumstances and challenges she's facing, such as addiction, legal trouble, and strained relationships.


        Scene Elements

        Conflict Level: 9

        The conflict between the characters is intense and emotionally charged, driving the scene forward and creating tension. It keeps the audience engaged and invested in the story.

        Opposition: 8

        The opposition in this scene is strong, with conflicting desires and emotions between the characters. The audience is unsure of how the conflicts will be resolved and what the consequences will be.

        High Stakes: 8

        The stakes are high for the protagonist, as she faces the possibility of prison and the strain on her relationships. The scene effectively conveys the gravity of the situation and the emotional consequences.

        Story Forward: 9

        The scene moves the story forward by establishing the central conflict, introducing the protagonist's journey to rehab, and setting up the emotional stakes for the rest of the story.

        Unpredictability: 7

        This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists and turns in the characters' interactions and the revelation of their true feelings and motivations. The audience is kept on their toes and unsure of how the scene will unfold.

        Philosophical Conflict: 7

        There is a philosophical conflict evident in this scene between Leah's self-destructive behavior and Maggie's concern for her well-being. This conflict challenges Leah's beliefs about her own worth and the impact of her actions on others.


        Audience Engagement

        Emotional Impact: 10

        The scene evokes strong emotions in the audience, particularly anxiety, love, and regret. The intense emotions and conflicts between the characters create a powerful emotional impact.

        Dialogue: 9

        The dialogue is realistic and emotionally charged, effectively conveying the characters' thoughts, feelings, and conflicts. It adds depth to the scene and enhances the overall storytelling.

        Engagement: 9

        This scene is engaging because of the emotional intensity and conflict between the characters. The audience is drawn into the characters' struggles and invested in their relationships and outcomes.

        Pacing: 8

        The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by creating a sense of tension and urgency. The dialogue and character interactions are paced in a way that keeps the audience engaged and invested in the scene.


        Technical Aspect

        Formatting: 9

        The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It includes scene headings, character names, dialogue, and narrative description in a clear and organized manner.

        Structure: 8

        The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It establishes the setting, introduces the characters, and progresses the narrative through dialogue and character interactions.


        Critique
        • The scene starts off with a tender moment between Leah and Junie, where Junie expresses her pride in Leah's progress. However, the dialogue feels a bit on-the-nose with Leah's self-deprecating remark about being the world's biggest fuck up. It might be more effective to show Leah's self-doubt through her actions and expressions rather than having her explicitly state it.
        • The conversation about methadone and Leah's upcoming rehab in Syracuse feels a bit rushed and could benefit from more exploration. It would be interesting to delve deeper into Leah's fears and concerns about going to rehab and leaving Junie behind. This would add more emotional depth to the scene and allow the audience to connect with Leah on a deeper level.
        • The argument between Leah and Maggie in the car is intense and filled with emotion, but some of the dialogue feels a bit forced. It would be more effective to have their emotions build up gradually throughout the scene, rather than having them explode all at once. This would create a more natural and realistic progression of their argument.
        • The moment where Leah secretly takes Xanax from Maggie's bag feels out of character and could be better motivated. It would be helpful to establish Leah's anxiety or discomfort earlier in the scene to make her actions more believable and understandable.
        • The confrontation between Leah and the nurse at the rehab facility is a powerful moment, but the nurse's response feels a bit flat. It would be more impactful if the nurse showed some empathy or understanding towards Leah's situation, even if she couldn't provide the methadone. This would create a stronger emotional contrast and highlight Leah's desperation and frustration.
        • The scene ends abruptly after Leah takes her pills, leaving the audience wanting more resolution or closure. It would be beneficial to include a final beat or moment that gives the scene a sense of completion or sets up the next scene.
        • Overall, the scene effectively portrays the tension and conflict surrounding Leah's addiction and her relationships with Junie and Maggie. However, there are opportunities to deepen the emotional impact and make the dialogue more nuanced and realistic.
        Suggestions
        • Consider showing Leah's self-doubt through her actions and expressions rather than having her explicitly state it.
        • Explore Leah's fears and concerns about going to rehab and leaving Junie behind in more depth.
        • Gradually build up the intensity of the argument between Leah and Maggie in the car to create a more natural progression.
        • Establish Leah's anxiety or discomfort earlier in the scene to make her actions more believable and understandable.
        • Give the nurse at the rehab facility a more empathetic or understanding response to Leah's situation.
        • Include a final beat or moment that gives the scene a sense of completion or sets up the next scene.



        Scene 10 -  Desperate Escape
        INT. WILLOW INPATIENT REHAB - PATIENT BEDROOM - MORNING
        Leah tosses and turns in bed. A FACILITY WORKER abruptly opens
        the door and turns the lights on, waking Leah and her ROOMMATE.
        FACILITY WORKER
        (Yelling)
        Okay! Its 4:30. Rise and shine, ladies!
        Fifteen minutes to get ready!
        LEAH
        (To Roommate)
        What's going on?
        ROOMMATE
        I hope you like Jazzercize.

        INT. WILLOW INPATIENT REHAB - DANCE ROOM - DAY
        The room is filled with disoriented WOMEN following a Richard
        Simmons 1980s jazzercise video. Some struggle to keep up.
        Leah is horrified and weakened. FACILITY WORKERS add to the
        chaos by banging on pots with drumsticks.
        FACILITY WORKER
        Come on, ladies! Embrace the
        beautiful day! Keep up with Richard!
        LEAH
        (To another Patient)
        Are they fucking serious??
        The patient smiles in amusement. Leah collapses to the floor.

        INT. WILLOW INPATIENT REHAB - COUNSELING OFFICE - DAY
        Leah sits across from a COUNSELOR.
        COUNSELOR
        Okay, Leah. We'll do our best to
        figure out the confusion with your
        methadone. For now, go lay down.

        INT. WILLOW INPATIENT REHAB - PATIENT BEDROOM - LATER
        Leah's eyes dart around the room, searching for solace. They
        land on her jacket hanging on a nearby hook. She reaches for
        it and discreetly retrieves the hidden stash of Xanax.
        53.

        INT. WILLOW INPATIENT REHAB - HALLWAY - LATER
        Leah walks alone, stumbles upon a cracked open exit door.

        EXT. SYRACUSE NY - STREET CORNER - DAY
        Leah walks on a snow-covered sidewalk. PEDESTRIANS passing by
        cast concerned glances her way, noting her disheveled
        appearance and lack of proper clothing.

        INT. FLOWER SHOP - DAY
        Leah stumbles inside, colliding with a FEMALE EMPLOYEE
        arranging flowers.
        LEAH
        (Slurring)
        Can I use your phone please?
        FLORIST
        We don’t have a phone, please leave.
        LEAH
        Please, I just need to talk to Maggie.
        FLORIST
        (Yelling)
        Out or I'll call the police!

        EXT. BUS STATION - NIGHT
        Leah shivers on a snowy bench. Her eyes start to close. A
        POLICE OFFICER parks nearby and approaches.
        POLICE OFFICER
        Hey! Wake up!

        INT. DEBBIE'S HOME - KITCHEN - NIGHT
        Maggie and Junie occupy the kitchen space, the air thick with
        tension. Junie, on her phone, speaks with stoic
        determination.
        JUNIE
        Leah. I'm coming now. Do. Not. Move.
        Junie hangs up.
        MAGGIE
        Where is she?
        54.

        JUNIE
        She's in an Emergency Room. I'm
        leaving now.
        MAGGIE
        I'm coming with you.
        Junie looks at Maggie, initially annoyed.
        MAGGIE (CONT'D)
        I can't just sit here and wait. Besides,
        there's another storm up there. You're
        not going alone.
        Junie hesitates for a moment, then nods, understanding
        Maggie's insistence.
        MAGGIE (CONT'D)
        We don't have to talk during the
        drive, just please spare me from
        anymore horrible music.
        JUNIE
        What?
        MAGGIE
        Sorry, Leah's playlist can make me
        irritable.
        JUNIE
        (Softening and amused)
        Oh, yeah, she really does have
        awful taste in music.
        The tension eases as Junie and Maggie share a rare laugh.
        JUNIE (CONT'D)
        Thank you for coming with me.
        MAGGIE
        Just give me a minute.
        Maggie retreats to the sink, her hand-washing ritual
        providing a moment of levity.

        EXT. ST. JOSEPHS EMERGENCY ROOM - FRONT STEPS - NIGHT
        Junie and Maggie assist a fragile Leah towards a jeep, their
        silhouettes illuminated under the falling snow.
        55.

        INT./EXT. HIGHWAY - JUNIE'S JEEP - NIGHT
        The snow falls relentlessly, creating a blinding whiteout effect on
        the highway. Junie's face reflects fear as she grips the wheel,
        navigating her jeep through the storm. The windshield wipers work
        furiously, but the snow persists, obscuring their vision.
        Maggie, terrified, sits in the back, comforting an ill Leah.
        LEAH
        I think I'm gonna throw up.
        JUNIE
        Are you serious? Should I pull over?
        Suddenly, Junie turns to check on Leah, causing the jeep to
        swerve violently. They hit a slick spot, and the vehicle
        spins out of control.
        The jeep careens and crashes into a snowdrift on the side of
        the highway, jolting everyone inside.
        JUNIE (CONT'D)
        SHIT! Are you guys, ok?
        Maggie nods with her eyes closed tight.
        LEAH
        Yeah, I think so. Are you ok?
        JUNIE
        Yes, I'm fine.
        Junie hits the gas to no avail. She hastily opens the door.
        LEAH
        Where are you going?
        JUNIE
        I have to dig us out.
        LEAH
        (Trying to get up)
        Let me help you.
        JUNIE
        (Frustrated)
        Stop. Just, please relax. You're not
        going to be able to help.
        MAGGIE
        I'll help.
        (To Leah)
        You okay here for a minute?
        56.

        Leah nods, her face etched with worry. Junie and Maggie grab
        shovels from the trunk and start shoveling the heavy snow away.
        Leah remains in the car, gripping the edge of her seat and crying.
        LEAH
        It's bad enough. I get it now. This is
        fucking bad enough. God, please if you
        fucking exist, please help us. I swear
        to you, I’ll never use again. I’m
        sorry, please.
        Suddenly, Leah's face is illuminated by the FLASHING LIGHTS
        of a police car pulling up behind them. A look of relief
        crosses Leah's tearful face.

        INT.EXT BACK OF A POLICE CAR - NIGHT
        Inside the police car, Junie holds Leah, trying to comfort
        her. Maggie grips Leah's hand tightly, their faces reflecting
        the tension in the confined space.
        LEAH
        I am so sorry to both of you. I
        know you have no fucking reason on
        earth to believe me, but I promise
        you, I will never use again. I’m
        sorry. Please believe me.
        The cop car drives off with the three girls in the backseat,
        the tension palpable.
        SUPER: 1 YEAR LATER

        INT. METHADONE CLINIC - DAY
        Leah stands at the clinic window. She looks clear and strong.
        Nurse Jane stands on the other side of the glass, smiling.
        She hands Leah a small cup with liquid methadone.
        LEAH
        Thank you, Ms. Jane, for everything.
        Leah smiles and drinks the methadone. She raises the cup,
        holding it like a basketball, and turns to the garbage.
        LEAH (CONT'D)
        For old times' sake?
        Nurse Jane smiles and nods her head. Leah shoots the cup into
        the garbage, this time she gets it in. They share a smile.
        57.

        NURSE JANE
        Good luck, Leah.
        LEAH
        Goodbye, Ms. Jane.
        Leah looks around the clinic in awe. She exits.

        EXT. METHADONE CLINIC - FRONT ENTRANCE - CONTINIOUS
        Leah exits the clinic, catching the eyes of Gab, Madison,
        Debbie, Junie, and Maggie.
        Their smiles convey unspoken understanding—a silent bond
        forged through shared experiences and mutual support.
        Genres: ["Drama"]

        Summary Leah wakes up in the morning to chaos at the rehab facility. She is horrified by the disoriented women in the dance room and collapses. In a counseling session, she discusses her confusion with her methadone. Later, Leah finds a hidden stash of Xanax and escapes through an open exit door. She ends up on a snowy street corner, gets kicked out of a flower shop, and shivers on a bench at a bus station. Leah is woken up by a police officer and the scene shifts to Maggie and Junie in the kitchen. They receive a call about Leah being in the emergency room and decide to go to her. The scene ends with Junie and Maggie assisting Leah towards a jeep outside the emergency room.
        Strengths
        • Authentic portrayal of addiction and recovery
        • Strong emotional impact
        • Compelling plot
        Weaknesses
        • Some dialogue could be further developed

        Ratings
        Overall

        Overall: 9

        The scene effectively portrays the intense emotions and challenges faced by the protagonist, creating a sense of urgency and empathy.


        Story Content

        Concept: 8

        The concept of addiction and recovery is well-executed, highlighting the difficulties and determination required to overcome addiction.

        Plot: 9

        The plot is engaging and compelling, as it follows the protagonist's journey from a rehab facility to a desperate situation on the streets, ultimately leading to a turning point.

        Originality: 9

        This scene demonstrates a level of originality through its portrayal of the challenges and struggles faced by the protagonist in a rehab facility. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


        Character Development

        Characters: 9

        The characters are well-developed and their emotions and motivations are effectively portrayed, creating a strong connection with the audience.

        Character Changes: 9

        The protagonist undergoes a significant change throughout the scene, transitioning from desperation and addiction to a moment of realization and determination.

        Internal Goal: 8

        The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to find solace and escape from the chaos and discomfort of the rehab facility.

        External Goal: 7

        The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to make a phone call to her friend Maggie for support and help.


        Scene Elements

        Conflict Level: 9

        The scene is filled with internal and external conflicts, including the protagonist's struggle with addiction, the tension between characters, and the challenging external circumstances.

        Opposition: 8

        The opposition in this scene is strong, with the protagonist facing challenges and obstacles that test her resolve and determination.

        High Stakes: 9

        The stakes are high in the scene, as the protagonist's life and well-being are at risk, and her decision to seek help carries significant consequences.

        Story Forward: 9

        The scene moves the story forward by showcasing the protagonist's journey and her decision to seek help, setting the stage for further development and resolution.

        Unpredictability: 7

        This scene is unpredictable because it introduces unexpected obstacles and challenges for the protagonist, such as the car crash and the encounter with the police officer.

        Philosophical Conflict: 6

        There is a philosophical conflict evident in this scene between the protagonist's desire for freedom and escape and the constraints and rules of the rehab facility.


        Audience Engagement

        Emotional Impact: 10

        The scene evokes strong emotions, ranging from despair and fear to hope and relief, creating a powerful emotional impact on the audience.

        Dialogue: 8

        The dialogue effectively conveys the emotions and thoughts of the characters, adding depth to their interactions and enhancing the overall impact of the scene.

        Engagement: 8

        This scene is engaging because it presents a series of escalating challenges and conflicts for the protagonist, keeping the audience invested in her journey.

        Pacing: 8

        The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by creating a sense of urgency and tension, particularly during the car crash sequence.


        Technical Aspect

        Formatting: 9

        The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, with proper use of dialogue, action, and scene description.

        Structure: 9

        The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings and transitions between locations.


        Critique
        • The scene starts abruptly with the facility worker abruptly waking Leah and her roommate. It would be helpful to provide some context or transition to this moment.
        • The dialogue between Leah and her roommate about Jazzercise feels forced and doesn't add much to the scene. Consider removing or reworking this exchange to make it more meaningful.
        • The chaos in the dance room is well-described, but it would be beneficial to show Leah's emotional state more explicitly. How does she react to the disoriented women and the banging pots? Does she feel overwhelmed, scared, or angry?
        • The counseling office scene is brief and lacks depth. Consider expanding this moment to delve into Leah's feelings of confusion and frustration with her methadone.
        • The transition from the counseling office to Leah's bedroom feels abrupt. It would be helpful to provide a smoother transition or a brief description of Leah's state of mind as she retrieves the hidden stash of Xanax.
        • The scene in the hallway lacks purpose and doesn't contribute much to the overall story. Consider removing or reworking this scene to make it more impactful.
        • The scene in the flower shop feels rushed and could benefit from more tension and conflict. Explore Leah's desperation and the employee's resistance to her request for a phone.
        • The bus station scene is emotionally charged, but it would be helpful to delve deeper into Leah's thoughts and feelings as she shivers on the bench. Show her vulnerability and desperation more explicitly.
        • The transition to Maggie and Junie in the kitchen feels abrupt. Consider providing a smoother transition or a brief description of their emotional state as they receive the call about Leah being in the emergency room.
        • The dialogue between Junie and Maggie in the kitchen lacks depth and emotion. Consider adding more tension and conflict to their conversation to reflect the gravity of the situation.
        • The scene ends with Junie and Maggie assisting Leah towards a jeep outside the emergency room, but it would be helpful to provide more details about their emotions and the physical state of Leah.
        • The scene lacks a clear narrative arc and feels disjointed. Consider reorganizing the scenes and adding more connective tissue to create a more cohesive and impactful sequence.
        Suggestions
        • Consider adding a brief transition or context-setting scene before Leah and her roommate are abruptly woken up by the facility worker.
        • Rework the dialogue between Leah and her roommate in the patient bedroom to make it more meaningful and reflective of their relationship.
        • Show Leah's emotional state more explicitly in the dance room scene by describing her reactions and internal thoughts.
        • Expand the counseling office scene to delve deeper into Leah's feelings of confusion and frustration with her methadone.
        • Smoothly transition from the counseling office to Leah's bedroom by providing a brief description of Leah's state of mind.
        • Consider removing or reworking the hallway scene to make it more impactful or relevant to the overall story.
        • Add more tension and conflict to the flower shop scene by exploring Leah's desperation and the employee's resistance to her request for a phone.
        • Delve deeper into Leah's thoughts and feelings in the bus station scene to show her vulnerability and desperation more explicitly.
        • Add more depth and emotion to the dialogue between Junie and Maggie in the kitchen to reflect the gravity of the situation.
        • Provide more details about the emotions and physical state of the characters as Junie and Maggie assist Leah towards the jeep outside the emergency room.
        • Reorganize the scenes and add more connective tissue to create a clearer narrative arc and a more cohesive and impactful sequence.



        Scene 11 -  Anniversary Celebration and Bonding
        INT. DEBBIE'S HOME - LEAH'S BEDROOM - DAY
        Leah stands in front of a mirror, she wears a CVS shirt.
        Junie comes from behind and hugs her.
        JUNIE
        Happy Anniversary.
        Leah turns around and kisses Junie.
        LEAH
        Can you believe it’s been a year?
        JUNIE
        Hey, come on, call out sick, let's
        celebrate? Let's go to Vincent's!
        LEAH
        (flirtatious)
        Babe, I can't miss work. I need to
        save money for our white picket fence.
        Disappointment crosses Junie's face
        LEAH (CONT'D)
        What is it?
        JUNIE
        It's just lately...forget it.
        LEAH
        No forgetting it. Lately what?
        Junie hesitates.
        58.

        JUNIE
        Since we moved here, all you do is work
        and go to school. I feel like a jerk
        for saying it, but I miss you.
        LEAH
        I'm sorry, baby. I know it's been a lot.
        This weekend it's just me and you. Okay?
        JUNIE
        You promise? Or are you going to
        have to cover for Maggie again?
        LEAH
        Babe, you know how she is.
        (Pause)
        If it makes you feel any better, she
        doesn't think I'm around enough either.
        JUNIE
        Actually, that does make it better.
        LEAH
        Babe why don't you two hangout
        while I'm at school. You can bond
        over your hatred of me.
        JUNIE
        I guess I could.
        (Rubs her forehead)
        Jesus, I'm that desperate for company.
        LEAH
        Come on, she's growing on you.
        Junie half smiles.
        LEAH (CONT'D)
        Don't wait up for me. Get some
        rest. I love you.
        JUNIE
        Love you more.
        Leah leaves. Junie looks defeated.

        INT. CVS PHARMACY - DAY
        Leah stands alone at the register, observing Maggie's
        frustrated attempts to organize the shampoo shelves.
        59.

        Thrilled by the spectacle, Leah breaks into a broad grin and
        ambles over. Leah starts to assist with straightening the
        bottles.
        LEAH
        Better?
        MAGGIE
        Yes. I'm losing my shit. Thank you.
        LEAH
        No problem. Your insanity makes me
        feels so much better about myself.
        MAGGIE
        Seriously though, I almost called
        out again today. I couldn't find my
        matching gray sock.
        LEAH
        You need electroshock therapy.
        MAGGIE
        Who needs that when I have you.
        LEAH
        You are hysterical.
        Maggie smirks. A comfortable silence falls over them. They
        continue to fix the shampoos.
        MAGGIE
        How's Junie?
        LEAH
        She's alright. I think she's
        getting lonely out here. Says I'm
        never around anymore.
        MAGGIE
        I can relate.
        Leah gives Maggie a dirty look.
        MAGGIE (CONT'D)
        Relax. I'm kidding. I just get
        where she's coming from.
        LEAH
        Soooo, can you help me out? Maybe
        keep her company now and then?
        Maggie abruptly stops fixing the bottles and turns to Leah in
        frustration.
        60.

        MAGGIE
        Why do you always do this?
        LEAH
        Do what?
        MAGGIE
        Ask me to do ridiculous things,
        knowing I hate saying no to you.
        LEAH
        Really? Asking you to hang out with
        Junie is ridiculous? I thought you
        two were starting to get along.
        MAGGIE
        You know how I am in public places.
        LEAH
        Take a pill.
        MAGGIE
        You're really such an asshole.
        LEAH
        I'm kidding. Come on, Mags. Please.
        Maggie contemplates and then she reluctantly caves.
        MAGGIE
        Fine. I'll take your girlfriend on
        a date. Now leave me alone.
        Leah hugs Maggie. As Leah moves to leave, she tips over a
        bottle of shampoo, causing a Domino effect, and walks away
        smirking. Maggie groans loudly.

        INT. VAUXHALL BAR - NIGHT
        Junie sits at the corner of the dim lit bar, sipping a drink.
        A few empties sit in front of her. Maggie walks in and takes
        a seat next to her.
        MAGGIE
        Hey, sorry I'm late.
        JUNIE
        It's fine.
        Maggie motions towards Junie's drinks.
        MAGGIE
        I see that.
        61.

        JUNIE
        Your rituals make you late all the time?
        MAGGIE
        Oh, you're one of those?
        Junie looks perplexed.
        MAGGIE (CONT'D)
        Those who require a bit of bravery
        from a bottle.
        A beat.
        JUNIE
        Leah, ask you to do this?
        MAGGIE
        Yup, one of those.
        Maggie motions the BARTENDER, who walks over.
        MAGGIE (CONT'D)
        (To Bartender)
        Glass of Merlot please.
        (To Junie)
        No, she didn't.
        (Pause)
        Ok, maybe... but I thought it would
        be good for us to chat.
        The Bartender brings Maggie's wine. She picks up a fork and
        taps the wine glass lass four time and then promptly downs
        the glass in one gulp. Junie's laughter breaks the tension.
        MAGGIE (CONT'D)
        I'm one of those too.
        (To Bartender)
        I'll take another please.
        The bartender nods and walks away. Junie continues to laugh.
        MAGGIE (CONT'D)
        What?
        JUNIE
        I'm just shocked.
        MAGGIE
        I'm shocked to see you laughing. I
        didn't think you had that function.
        Maggie starts to laugh.
        62.

        JUNIE
        Oh, cause you're Miss Sunshine.
        MAGGIE
        I can be. Just takes me a minute.
        JUNIE
        Well, I gotta say I like this side
        to you.
        Maggie smiles and sips her wine. A beat.
        JUNIE (CONT'D)
        Can I ask about the fork-tapping?
        Junie motions to the fork.
        MAGGIE
        Just something I've always done. My
        crazy brain thinks it keeps Leah safe.
        Junie nods sympathetically. A beat.
        MAGGIE (CONT'D)
        This is actually nice...not feeling
        guilty drinking in front of Leah.
        Junie signals the bartender for another round.
        JUNIE
        Gotta take advantage while I can.
        Maggie smiles and ponders. A beat.
        MAGGIE
        Maybe we got off on the wrong foot.
        JUNIE
        Maybe we did.
        MAGGIE
        Start over?
        The Bartender brings Junie's drink, they clink their glasses
        together and share a smile. A bond begins to form.
        Suddenly, a rowdy crowd of STUDENTS enters the bar, causing
        Maggie to freeze. Junie notices and comforts her.
        JUNIE
        Come on, let's go.
        Maggie nods anxiously, and Junie guides her out of the bar.
        63.
        Genres: ["Drama","Romance"]

        Summary Leah and Junie celebrate their anniversary in Leah's bedroom. Junie suggests going to Vincent's, but Leah declines. Junie expresses her loneliness and Leah promises to spend more time with her. Leah goes to work at CVS and asks Maggie to keep Junie company. After some reluctance, Maggie agrees. Later, Junie and Maggie bond over drinks at Vauxhall Bar. They form a connection and leave together when a rowdy crowd enters the bar.
        Strengths
        • Engaging dialogue
        • Character dynamics
        • Humor
        Weaknesses
        • Lack of visual descriptions
        • Limited external conflict

        Ratings
        Overall

        Overall: 8

        The scene effectively conveys the emotional tension between Leah and Junie, as well as the comedic moments between Leah and Maggie. The dialogue is engaging and reveals important character dynamics. However, the scene could benefit from more visual descriptions and sensory details to enhance the overall impact.


        Story Content

        Concept: 7

        The concept of exploring the challenges in a relationship due to work and other commitments is relatable and provides a strong foundation for conflict and character development.

        Plot: 7

        The plot in this scene revolves around Leah's busy schedule and Junie's feelings of loneliness. It sets up the potential for conflict and character growth in future scenes.

        Originality: 7

        The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the situations and conflicts are familiar, the writer adds a fresh approach through the witty and authentic dialogue between the characters. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


        Character Development

        Characters: 9

        The characters are well-developed and their personalities shine through their dialogue and actions. Leah is portrayed as hardworking and dedicated, while Junie is shown as longing for more quality time together. Maggie adds comedic relief and showcases her unique quirks.

        Character Changes: 6

        While there are hints of character growth, particularly in Leah's realization of Junie's loneliness, the scene does not showcase significant character changes.

        Internal Goal: 8

        Leah's internal goal in this scene is to reassure Junie of her love and commitment, while also acknowledging Junie's feelings of loneliness and neglect. This reflects Leah's deeper need for connection and her fear of losing Junie.

        External Goal: 6

        Leah's external goal in this scene is to maintain a balance between work, school, and her relationship with Junie. This reflects the immediate circumstances and challenges she's facing as she tries to juggle her responsibilities.


        Scene Elements

        Conflict Level: 6

        The conflict in this scene is primarily internal, with Junie expressing her feelings of loneliness and Leah struggling to balance her commitments. The conflict could be heightened to create more tension and stakes.

        Opposition: 7

        The opposition in this scene is moderate. Leah's reluctance to miss work and Junie's feelings of loneliness create a small obstacle that adds tension to their relationship. The audience is unsure of how the conflict will be resolved.

        High Stakes: 5

        The stakes in this scene are relatively low, focusing more on the emotional dynamics between the characters. However, the potential for the relationship to deteriorate and the characters' emotional well-being are at stake.

        Story Forward: 7

        The scene moves the story forward by establishing the strained relationship between Leah and Junie, as well as the potential for a friendship between Leah and Maggie. It sets up future conflicts and character arcs.

        Unpredictability: 6

        This scene is somewhat unpredictable because it introduces a conflict between Leah and Junie that is unexpected based on their initial interaction. However, the resolution of the conflict is somewhat predictable.

        Philosophical Conflict: 0

        There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.


        Audience Engagement

        Emotional Impact: 7

        The scene elicits a range of emotions, including love, disappointment, and loneliness. However, the emotional impact could be heightened with more intense and vulnerable moments.

        Dialogue: 8

        The dialogue is natural and engaging, revealing the characters' emotions and motivations. It effectively conveys the tension and humor in the scene.

        Engagement: 9

        This scene is engaging because it presents a relatable conflict between the characters and creates a sense of emotional investment in their relationship. The witty dialogue and the characters' vulnerability make the scene compelling to watch or read.

        Pacing: 8

        The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by allowing for moments of tension and vulnerability, as well as moments of humor and connection. The rhythm of the dialogue and the pauses between lines create a natural flow.


        Technical Aspect

        Formatting: 9

        The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It includes scene headings, character names, dialogue, and action descriptions. The formatting is clear and easy to follow.

        Structure: 8

        The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It begins with an establishing shot and then moves into a series of dialogue exchanges between the characters. The scene has a clear beginning, middle, and end.


        Critique
        • The scene starts off with a sweet moment between Leah and Junie, celebrating their anniversary. However, the dialogue feels a bit forced and lacks natural flow. Consider rewriting the dialogue to make it more authentic and reflective of their relationship.
        • The conflict between Leah's work and Junie's loneliness is introduced, but it doesn't feel fully explored or resolved in this scene. Consider adding more depth to their conversation and addressing the underlying issues that contribute to Junie's feelings of neglect.
        • The transition to the CVS Pharmacy scene feels abrupt and disconnected. Consider adding a smoother transition or bridging dialogue to better connect the two scenes.
        • The interaction between Leah and Maggie at the CVS Pharmacy is humorous and showcases their dynamic, but the dialogue could benefit from more subtlety and nuance. Explore ways to make their banter feel more natural and less forced.
        • The transition to the Vauxhall Bar scene is also abrupt and could use a smoother transition or bridging dialogue to better connect the scenes.
        • The bonding moment between Junie and Maggie at the bar is a nice development in their relationship, but the dialogue feels a bit on-the-nose and could benefit from more subtext and depth.
        • The scene ends with the introduction of a rowdy crowd, which creates tension but is not fully resolved. Consider adding a resolution or a follow-up scene to address the impact of the rowdy crowd on Junie and Maggie's night out.
        • Overall, the scene has some strong moments of character development and humor, but the dialogue could be improved to feel more natural and the transitions between scenes could be smoother.
        Suggestions
        • Rewrite the dialogue between Leah and Junie to make it more authentic and reflective of their relationship.
        • Explore the underlying issues contributing to Junie's feelings of loneliness and neglect, and address them in the conversation between Leah and Junie.
        • Add a smoother transition or bridging dialogue between the Leah and Junie scene and the CVS Pharmacy scene.
        • Refine the banter between Leah and Maggie at the CVS Pharmacy to make it feel more natural and less forced.
        • Improve the transition to the Vauxhall Bar scene with a smoother transition or bridging dialogue.
        • Add more subtext and depth to the bonding moment between Junie and Maggie at the bar.
        • Consider adding a resolution or follow-up scene to address the impact of the rowdy crowd on Junie and Maggie's night out.
        • Work on making the dialogue throughout the scene feel more natural and authentic.



        Scene 12 -  Anxiety and Exploration
        EXT. N.A. MEETING - PARKING LOT - BENCH - DAY
        Bushes rustle gently in the wind as Junie and Maggie sit on a
        wooden bench, Leah stands in front of them wearing a backpack
        and a smile.
        JUNIE
        Have a good meeting, babe. We'll
        see you after.
        Leah kisses Junie. Maggie looks away, uncomfortable.
        LEAH
        (Antagonizing)
        Love you.
        Leah blows Maggie a kiss, Maggie playfully rolls her eyes at
        Leah. Leah walks toward the N.A. Meeting. Maggie and Junie
        linger on the bench.
        MAGGIE
        You always wait here?
        JUNIE
        Not much else to do out here in the
        sticks.
        MAGGIE
        You city folk can't appreciate this
        island.
        JUNIE
        Hey! I'm sure I can appreciate how you
        hicks live. Leah hasn't had the time.
        MAGGIE
        Well, as fascinating as sitting
        outside an N.A. meeting is, I promise
        there's so much more to explore.
        JUNIE
        If it's so great, then why are you
        sitting here?
        MAGGIE
        I don't like going places without Leah.
        Junie looks confused.
        MAGGIE (CONT'D)
        Ok, I don't feel safe going
        anywhere without Leah. My
        compulsions, it's a lot.
        64.

        JUNIE
        But you were just at the bar with me?
        MAGGIE
        And I downed a glass of wine like a
        shot.
        JUNIE
        Say that a little louder next time,
        I don't think the entire N.A.
        meeting heard you.
        Junie and Maggie exchange a smirk.
        JUNIE (CONT'D)
        So, since you claim this place is
        so great, prove it.
        Maggie looks hesitant and anxious.
        JUNIE (CONT'D)
        If you're worried about anything I
        promise to make sure you're ok. Come
        on, we both can't be sitting around
        waiting anymore. I'm so bored!
        MAGGIE
        I don't know if I can.
        JUNIE
        So, you can't go anywhere without Leah?
        Looks like you won't be having any
        fun anytime soon.
        Junie motions toward the building.
        JUNIE (CONT'D)
        Come on, I promise, no judgement if you
        need to straighten your shoelaces or
        whatever.
        Maggie thinks and after a moment, she reluctantly stands up.
        MAGGIE
        There's a quaint coffee shop down
        the street.
        Junie beams with excitement.
        MAGGIE (CONT'D)
        When we get there, I'm washing my hands.
        Junie chuckles.
        65.

        EXT. N.A. MEETING - PARKING LOT - BENCH - LATER
        Leah exits the meeting, surprised to find Junie and Maggie
        absent. The late afternoon sun casts long shadows, and a
        gentle breeze stirs the trees, creating a lonely atmosphere.

        INT. WALT WHITMAN MALL - DAY
        Junie and Maggie enjoy their shopping trip, strolling through
        the mall with bags in hand, laughter filling the air.

        INT. DEBBIE'S HOME - LEAH'S BEDROOM - NIGHT
        Leah, static in the quiet sanctuary of her bedroom, pensively
        gazes at an open notebook, periodically glancing at the
        clock.

        INT. MAGGIE'S HOME - BEDROOM - NIGHT
        A playful banter ensues between Junie and Maggie amidst
        organizing Maggie’s orderly room. Their exchanges are light,
        coy.

        INT. N.A. MEETING - NIGHT
        Leah attentively listens to the speaker at the front of the
        room. She discreetly sends a text to Junie: "Hey, I love you."

        INT. N.A. MEETING - LATER
        Leah checks her phone, her face showing a hint of
        disappointment as she sees, "No new messages."

        EXT. NORTHPORT NY - CRAB MEADOW BEACH- DAY
        Strands of hair whipping against the sea breeze, Junie and
        Maggie trail along a winding path by the water’s edge,
        cameras dangling from their necks. Maggie turns and captures
        a photo of Junie.
        MAGGIE
        Beautiful shot.
        JUNIE
        (Slightly blushing)
        Thanks.
        Junie's expression suddenly turns sad.
        66.

        MAGGIE
        What's wrong?
        JUNIE
        I just feel so distant from Le.
        (Pause)
        Has she said anything about me lately?
        MAGGIE
        No, but I haven't had much time with
        her lately either.
        JUNIE
        Sometimes I feel like she's too good
        for me now. That scares me. I can’t
        imagine life without her.
        MAGGIE
        Junie don't think like that. You're
        sexy, smart, and talented. No one is
        too good for you.
        JUNIE
        (Pleasantly surprised)
        You think I’m sexy?
        MAGGIE
        I do.
        An awkward beat.
        MAGGIE (CONT'D)
        I understand how you feel. Sometimes,
        I wonder if she even realizes I exist.
        Junie is sympathetic.
        JUNIE
        Maybe I'm just being crazy.
        (A beat)
        Hey, spending time with you has been
        really nice.
        MAGGIE
        It really has.
        JUNIE
        Let's go before it starts to get
        dark. Drink?
        MAGGIE
        You read my mind.
        Junie and Maggie walk back down the path.
        67.

        INT. DEBBIE'S HOME - FRONT ENTRANCE
        Leah stands in the warmly lit front entrance of Debbie's
        home. Leah yells to Debbie in the other room.
        LEAH
        I just need to move Junie’s car.
        Leah reaches into Junie’s bag and pulls out the pictures of
        Maggie and Junie at the beach, looking at them intently.

        INT. MAGGIE'S HOME - BEDROOM - NIGHT
        Junie and Maggie sit on the floor of Maggie's dimly lit bedroom,
        surrounded by a bin of Maggie's personal items. Maggie retrieves
        a single costume jewelry earring from a tiny box.
        MAGGIE
        This! This makes me lose sleep.
        JUNIE
        Ugly QVC jewelry?
        Maggie softly giggles.
        MAGGIE
        I lost the other earring. It drives me
        insane when a pair is separated.
        Junie adoringly smirks at Maggie.
        MAGGIE (CONT'D)
        I know, I'm so annoying. I drive
        Leah crazy.
        JUNIE
        You're not annoying Maggie. It's
        actually kinda cute how you are.
        Junie and Maggie lock eyes, the room is filled with
        irresistible tension. Their lips meet in a fiery kiss, but
        both are filled with inner turmoil. Maggie abruptly breaks
        away. Both are left breathless.

        INT. DEBBIE'S HOME - LEAH'S BEDROOM - NIGHT
        Leah and Junie lounge in bed. An undercurrent of unease
        surfaces as Leah watches Junie engrossed in her phone.
        LEAH
        Hey, wanna watch a movie?
        68.

        JUNIE
        Sure.
        Leah turns on the TV and snuggles up next to Junie, trying to
        engage her. Junie, however, remains fixated on her phone.
        LEAH
        Are you going to be texting the whole
        time or are you going to watch with me?
        JUNIE
        Sorry. One sec.
        Leah watches Junie's texting with a growing sense of unease.
        LEAH
        You're texting a lot recently.
        JUNIE
        Yeah, so?
        LEAH
        Just making an observation. Is
        everything ok?
        Junie finally puts her phone down and addresses Leah's concern.
        JUNIE
        Yeah, all is fine.
        Let's just watch the movie. Okay?
        Leah nestles back into Junie as they turn to the TV. Though
        the underlying tension lingers in the room, igniting
        questions in Leah’s mind.

        INT. MAGGIE'S HOME - BEDROOM - NIGHT
        The room is dimly lit, and a single table lamp casts a warm,
        intimate glow across the space. Junie and Maggie sit on the
        edge of the neatly made bed, their tear-stained faces
        glistening in the soft light.
        MAGGIE
        I can't tell her.
        Junie gently cups Maggie's face, her fingers trembling.
        JUNIE
        I'll do it. Okay? I know we can't
        keep doing this.
        Maggie nods, and they share a tearful embrace, their
        vulnerability laid bare in the subdued ambiance.
        69.
        Genres: ["Drama"]

        Summary Junie and Maggie sit on a bench in a parking lot while Leah stands in front of them. They have a playful conversation about their surroundings and Maggie's anxiety about going places without Leah. Junie convinces Maggie to explore more and they make plans to go to a coffee shop. The scene ends with Leah exiting the N.A. meeting and finding Junie and Maggie absent.
        Strengths
        • Engaging dialogue
        • Emotional depth
        • Character development
        Weaknesses
        • Lack of external conflict

        Ratings
        Overall

        Overall: 9

        The scene effectively portrays the tension and vulnerability between the characters, creating an emotionally charged atmosphere. The dialogue is engaging and reveals the characters' inner thoughts and conflicts. The scene also moves the story forward by showing the characters stepping out of their comfort zones and facing their fears.


        Story Content

        Concept: 8

        The concept of exploring the characters' boundaries and insecurities is well-executed in the scene. It delves into the complexities of relationships and personal struggles, providing depth and emotional resonance.

        Plot: 8

        The plot of the scene revolves around the characters' interactions and their internal conflicts. It effectively establishes the tension and sets up future developments in the story.

        Originality: 0


        Character Development

        Characters: 9

        The characters are well-developed and their emotions and motivations are clearly portrayed. Their interactions and dialogue reveal their individual struggles and insecurities, creating a compelling dynamic.

        Character Changes: 8

        The scene shows the characters stepping out of their comfort zones and facing their fears, indicating potential growth and change in their arcs.

        Internal Goal: 0

        External Goal: 0


        Scene Elements

        Conflict Level: 7

        The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, as the characters grapple with their insecurities and fears. There is also a subtle tension between Junie and Maggie as they navigate their evolving relationship.

        Opposition: 0

        High Stakes: 7

        The stakes in the scene revolve around the characters' emotional well-being and the potential impact of their actions on their relationships.

        Story Forward: 8

        The scene moves the story forward by establishing the characters' relationships and conflicts, setting up future developments and potential resolutions.

        Unpredictability: 0

        Philosophical Conflict: 0


        Audience Engagement

        Emotional Impact: 9

        The scene evokes strong emotions, particularly anxiety, vulnerability, and love. The characters' struggles and the intimate moments between them create a powerful emotional impact.

        Dialogue: 9

        The dialogue is natural and engaging, effectively conveying the characters' emotions and conflicts. It reveals their inner thoughts and provides insight into their relationships.

        Engagement: 0

        Pacing: 0


        Technical Aspect

        Formatting: 0

        Structure: 0


        Critique
        • The scene starts off with Junie and Maggie sitting on a bench in a parking lot, waiting for Leah to finish her N.A. meeting. The dialogue between Junie and Maggie feels a bit forced and unnatural. It lacks depth and doesn't reveal much about their characters or their relationship. The conversation about appreciating the island and Leah not having time to explore it feels superficial and doesn't add much to the scene.
        • The conflict between Maggie's anxiety about going places without Leah and Junie's attempts to convince her to explore more is an interesting dynamic, but it could be explored in a more nuanced and realistic way. The dialogue feels a bit on-the-nose and could benefit from more subtext and emotional depth.
        • The scene ends abruptly with Leah exiting the meeting and finding Junie and Maggie absent. This ending feels rushed and doesn't provide a satisfying resolution to the conflict or a clear transition to the next scene.
        • Overall, the scene lacks depth and emotional resonance. The dialogue could be more natural and revealing of the characters' inner thoughts and feelings. The conflict could be explored in a more nuanced and realistic way, and the ending could be more satisfying and seamless.
        Suggestions
        • Consider adding more subtext and emotional depth to the dialogue between Junie and Maggie. Show their inner thoughts and feelings through their actions and non-verbal cues.
        • Explore the conflict between Maggie's anxiety and Junie's attempts to convince her to explore more in a more nuanced and realistic way. Show the complexity of their emotions and the challenges they face.
        • Revise the ending to provide a more satisfying resolution to the conflict and a clear transition to the next scene. Consider adding a moment of reflection or realization for Leah as she realizes Junie and Maggie are not there.
        • Overall, focus on creating more depth and emotional resonance in the scene. Show the characters' inner struggles and desires, and make the dialogue more natural and revealing of their true thoughts and feelings.



        Scene 13 -  A Tense Conversation and a New Beginning
        INT. VINCENT'S CLAM BAR - DAY
        Leah and Junie sit in a dimly lit Italian restaurant at a
        small table.
        LEAH
        I’m starving. I can't wait to eat. I've
        been craving the chicken parm hard.
        Junie looks uneasy, her gaze wandering around the crowded
        restaurant.
        JUNIE
        Is it always this loud in here?
        LEAH
        Of course it is.
        JUNIE
        I just can't hear you that well. I
        need to talk to you.
        LEAH
        About?
        Junie shifts uncomfortably in her chair, clears her throat.
        JUNIE
        Leah, I don’t know how to say this,
        but I need some space.
        Leah looks bewildered, trying to comprehend.
        LEAH
        Space? What the fuck are you
        talking about?
        Leah appears breathless, takes in what she's hearing.
        Junie struggles to find words.
        LEAH (CONT'D)
        Are you kidding me right now? Where
        is this coming from?
        JUNIE
        Don’t act like things have been
        wonderful.
        LEAH
        (Voice trembling)
        Okay, yeah, but we can work on it.
        What are you saying? Are you
        breaking up with me?
        70.

        JUNIE
        I just need some time to think.
        Leah is distraught. Then has a light bulb moment.
        LEAH
        It’s Maggie, isn’t it?
        Junie remains silent, her eyes tear up.
        LEAH (CONT'D)
        Jesus fucking Christ. My friend!?
        JUNIE
        (Pleading)
        Leah, please I love you. I’m sorry.
        I love you so much. I never wanted
        to hurt you. I can't imagine my
        life without you.
        LEAH
        Then why are you fucking doing this!?
        JUNIE
        I love her too.
        The pain of Junie's words is etched in Leah's face.
        LEAH
        (Stands up)
        You love her!? That’s just fucking
        great! What? I'm fixed so you need the
        next broken bitch to put back together.
        Junie's cry intensifies.
        LEAH (CONT'D)
        Listen to me. I never, ever, want
        to see you or her ever again.
        Enjoy the fucking chicken parm!
        Leah storms out. Leaving Junie to grapple with her feelings.

        INT. DEBBIE'S HOME - DEBBIE'S BEDROOM - NIGHT
        In the soft glow of a nightlight, Leah cradles herself,
        quaking with sobs, curled up in Debbie's inviting bed.
        Debbie, sitting next to her, cradles Leah with a soothing
        touch.
        71.

        INT. DEBBIE'S HOME - KITCHEN - DAY
        Daylight casts an unforgiving glow on Leah, hunched over the
        kitchen table. Hidden beneath Junie's large hoodie, her
        pallor paints a picture of despair.
        A tasteless meal cools, untouched. Leah remains detached,
        despite Gab and Madison trying to coax her into eating.

        INT. DEBBIE'S HOME - FRONT PORCH - NIGHT
        Winter's breath nibbles at Leah as she sits huddled on the
        porch, holding a cigarette in her trembling hand. Her eyes
        appear vacant. Snowflakes fall, the serene quiet of the night
        broken only by her silent tears.

        INT. THERAPY OFFICE - DAY
        Leah, her eyes red-rimmed and distant, is perched across from
        her empathetic THERAPIST. Time has carved itself on her face
        since her break-up. Junie's hoodie draped around her like a
        protective shell.
        THERAPIST
        How have your urges been Leah?
        LEAH
        The same.
        THERAPIST
        Have you been going to meetings?
        LEAH
        Not as much as I should.
        THERAPIST
        So then how are you fighting the
        urge to use?
        LEAH
        I think of them.
        The therapist delves into Leah, layers peeling away.
        THERAPIST
        Leah, while it's good to have coping
        mechanisms, I'm not sure if fixating
        on them is a healthy way to cope.
        (Pause)
        I'm concerned you're not moving
        forward emotionally.
        72.

        LEAH
        You think I haven't made any progress?
        THERAPIST
        No, no, you have. I just wonder if
        you're denying yourself the chance to
        heal completely.
        LEAH
        Why would I do that?
        THERAPIST
        Leah, how does it make you feel to
        complete detach from them?
        LEAH
        I hate when you answer my questions
        with a question.
        THERAPIST
        Deflecting again.
        Leah averts eye contact, the grip on her facade wavering.
        LEAH
        I don't know how to answer that.
        THERAPIST
        Have you thought about opening
        yourself to new relationships
        again, perhaps, dating?
        LEAH
        Seriously?
        THERAPIST
        Do I not seem serious?
        LEAH
        As fun as this is.
        Leah gestures with her hands, outlining the space of the
        therapy office.
        LEAH (CONT'D)
        I don't see myself doing this again.
        THERAPIST
        Then what do you see?... Five years
        from now.
        LEAH
        I don't know if I can see a future
        without them.
        73.

        THERAPIST
        Try.
        LEAH
        I mean before this all happened, I
        wanted to finish college, have a
        career in helping other addicts.
        THERAPIST
        How do you feel about using those
        aspirations as steppingstones,
        Leah?
        LEAH
        (Contemplative)
        I don't know.
        THERAPIST
        Let's take it one step at a time. How
        about enrolling in a class or two?
        LEAH
        You think they'd be proud of me if
        I did?
        The Therapist holds his glance a moment longer, sighs, and gives a
        knowing smile.

        INT. BROOKLYN, NY - KNAPP STREET AND AVENUE W. - LEAH'S CAR -
        DUSK
        Leah clutches her "NA Clean and Sober" coin while staring at
        Junie's place. Fall leaves surround the sidewalks. Maggie
        takes out the garbage and returns inside without Leah's
        presence being noticed. Leah drives away.

        INT. LEAH'S APARTMENT - LIVING ROOM - DAY
        Gab, Madison, Debbie, and Leah busy themselves unpacking
        boxes in Leah's new apartment. Boxes and bubble wrap clutter
        the room.

        INT. LEAH'S APARTMENT - BEDROOM - MOMENTS LATER
        Leah, now alone in her new room, begins to unpack boxes.
        Among them, she discovers a box of picture frames. She takes
        out a photo of her and Maggie, and another of her and Junie.
        Leah gazes at them for a moment, sadness evident. From the
        other room, Gab's voice calls out.
        74.

        GAB (V.O.)
        Are you taking a nap Le? We need
        your help out here!
        Leah's stare breaks with the frames, she places them back in
        the box and leaves to help her family.
        Genres: ["Drama"]

        Summary Leah and Junie have a tense conversation in a dimly lit Italian restaurant where Junie tells Leah that she needs some space. Leah is distraught and accuses Junie of leaving her for their mutual friend Maggie. Leah storms out, leaving Junie to grapple with her feelings. The scene then cuts to Leah in various locations, including Debbie's bedroom, the kitchen, the porch, and a therapy office. The scene ends with Leah unpacking boxes in her new apartment, reflecting on her past and her future aspirations.
        Strengths
        • Emotional intensity
        • Realistic dialogue
        • Character development
        Weaknesses
        • Some dialogue could be more concise

        Ratings
        Overall

        Overall: 9

        The scene effectively conveys the intense emotions and conflict between the characters, creating a compelling and impactful moment in the story.


        Story Content

        Concept: 8

        The concept of a breakup and the subsequent emotional aftermath is a familiar and relatable theme, but the scene adds depth and complexity to it through the revelation of a love triangle.

        Plot: 9

        The plot of the scene revolves around the breakup between Leah and Junie, which is a significant turning point in the story. It creates tension and conflict, driving the narrative forward.

        Originality: 9

        This scene demonstrates a fresh approach to the familiar theme of a relationship breakup. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


        Character Development

        Characters: 10

        The characters in the scene are well-developed and their emotions are palpable. Leah's shock and anger, Junie's guilt and desperation, and the underlying pain they both feel are portrayed convincingly.

        Character Changes: 9

        Leah undergoes a significant change in this scene, transitioning from shock and confusion to anger and determination. Junie also experiences a change, revealing her conflicted feelings and vulnerability.

        Internal Goal: 8

        The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to understand why her partner wants space and to try to salvage their relationship. This reflects her deeper need for love and connection.

        External Goal: 7

        The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to prevent her partner from breaking up with her. This reflects the immediate challenge of maintaining their relationship.


        Scene Elements

        Conflict Level: 9

        The conflict between Leah and Junie is intense and emotionally charged. Their differing desires and the revelation of Junie's feelings for another person create a high-stakes situation.

        Opposition: 8

        The opposition in this scene is strong, as the protagonist's partner wants to break up with her, creating a difficult obstacle for her to overcome.

        High Stakes: 9

        The stakes are high in this scene as Leah and Junie's relationship is shattered, and their emotional well-being is at stake. The revelation of Junie's feelings for someone else adds another layer of complexity.

        Story Forward: 8

        The scene moves the story forward by establishing the breakup as a major event and setting the stage for the characters' individual journeys of healing and growth.

        Unpredictability: 7

        This scene is unpredictable because the audience does not know how the protagonist will react to her partner's request for space.

        Philosophical Conflict: 7

        There is a philosophical conflict evident in this scene between the protagonist's belief in working on the relationship and her partner's desire for space. This challenges the protagonist's belief in the importance of communication and compromise.


        Audience Engagement

        Emotional Impact: 10

        The scene evokes strong emotions in the reader/viewer, particularly sadness, anger, and empathy. The breakup and the characters' reactions are deeply affecting.

        Dialogue: 9

        The dialogue is raw and emotional, effectively conveying the characters' feelings and motivations. The heated exchange between Leah and Junie adds intensity to the scene.

        Engagement: 9

        This scene is engaging because it presents a dramatic conflict between the characters and explores themes of love and betrayal.

        Pacing: 8

        The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by creating a sense of tension and emotional intensity.


        Technical Aspect

        Formatting: 9

        The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, with proper indentation and dialogue tags.

        Structure: 8

        The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings and dialogue formatting.


        Critique
        • The dialogue in this scene is emotionally charged and effectively conveys the tension and heartbreak between Leah and Junie. However, there are a few areas where the dialogue could be tightened and made more impactful.
        • The pacing of the scene feels a bit rushed, especially during the confrontation between Leah and Junie. It would be beneficial to slow down the dialogue and allow the emotions to build more gradually.
        • There is a lack of subtext in the dialogue, which could be enhanced to add depth to the scene. Instead of explicitly stating their feelings and intentions, the characters could use more indirect language and rely on nonverbal cues to convey their emotions.
        • The scene could benefit from more visual elements to enhance the emotional impact. For example, describing the body language and facial expressions of the characters would help the reader visualize the intensity of the scene.
        • The transition between the different locations in the scene could be smoother. Adding more descriptive language to set the tone and atmosphere of each location would help create a more immersive reading experience.
        • The scene ends abruptly, leaving the reader wanting more resolution. It would be helpful to include a final moment of reflection or a hint at what may come next for the characters.
        • Overall, the scene effectively portrays the emotional turmoil between Leah and Junie, but there are opportunities to enhance the dialogue, pacing, visual elements, and resolution of the scene.
        Suggestions
        • Consider revising the dialogue to add subtext and make it more nuanced. Instead of directly stating their feelings, the characters could use more indirect language and rely on nonverbal cues.
        • Slow down the pacing of the scene to allow the emotions to build more gradually. This will create a more impactful and realistic confrontation between Leah and Junie.
        • Add more visual elements to enhance the emotional impact of the scene. Describe the body language, facial expressions, and surroundings to help the reader visualize the intensity of the moment.
        • Smooth out the transitions between locations by adding more descriptive language to set the tone and atmosphere of each setting. This will create a more immersive reading experience.
        • Consider adding a final moment of reflection or a hint at what may come next for the characters to provide a sense of resolution and closure to the scene.



        Scene 14 -  Reflections and Support
        INT. LEAH'S APARTMENT - KITCHEN TABLE - DAY
        Leah sits at the kitchen table, nicely dressed, lost in thought.
        The summer sun pours through the windows, and the window air
        conditioner hums loudly. Gab joins her, concerned.
        GAB
        Where are you right now?
        Leah breaks with her thoughts and looks at Gab with a
        questioning expression.
        GAB (CONT'D)
        You’re off in fucking LaLa land. We're
        about to go celebrate your anniversary.
        LEAH
        Can I tell you something?
        Gab nods her head.
        LEAH (CONT'D)
        I still drive to Brooklyn sometimes.
        GAB
        Why the hell do you do that?
        LEAH
        Comfort.
        GAB
        Well, that’s creepy.
        LEAH
        (Annoyed)
        So glad we had this talk.
        GAB
        Okay, okay, sorry. I’ll stop being
        a dick. Why are you talking about
        this now?
        LEAH
        Days like today they're heavily on
        my mind.
        75.

        Gab analyzes Leah.
        GAB
        Are you still in love with Junie?
        Leah reluctantly nods her head no.
        GAB (CONT'D)
        Miss Maggie making you late to
        everything so she can wash her hands?
        LEAH
        No, I don't.
        GAB
        Then stop thinking about them. They
        don't deserve any real estate in
        your head.
        LEAH
        You think they'd be proud of me?
        GAB
        Le, look at yourself. Your clean,
        you've got your own place...even if it
        could use some sprucing up.
        Gab looks around the disorganized apartment.
        GAB (CONT'D)
        You've come so far. You need to be
        proud of yourself, okay?
        Leah nods in agreement, emotional.
        GAB (CONT'D)
        Now, let's go get this shit show—I
        mean, ceremony over with.
        LEAH
        Ok, asshole. Let’s go.

        INT. WEDDING VENUE - BRIDAL SWEET - DAY
        Maggie gazes vacantly out of the window at snow-covered
        fields and trees. She's dressed in a stunning wedding dress,
        but her distant expression hints at a world of emotions
        beneath the surface. Karen, mother of the bride, walks in.
        KAREN
        Ready darling?
        76.

        Maggie takes a deep breath. Emotions heavy and apparent. She
        nods to her mother.

        INT. WEDDING VENUE - RECEPTION ROOM - LATER
        Maggie and Junie sit at a beautifully adorned table reserved for
        the newlyweds. Junie dressed in a feminine, white wedding suit.
        The room is aglow with the warmth of family and friends,
        engaged in lively conversations at long banquet tables.
        Dinner has been served, and guests enjoy their meals.
        JUNIE
        (Whispers in Maggie's ear)
        I can't wait to start a family with
        you.
        Maggie manages a smile and reciprocates Junie's affectionate
        gesture. Underneath her façade, a whirlwind of emotions rages.
        Junie begins cutting into her meal while Maggie picks up her
        fork. She hesitates for a moment, then taps her glass with
        the fork methodically four times.
        Junie pauses, her gaze fixed on Maggie, sensing the
        turbulence of emotions within her.
        In response, Junie takes her own fork and taps her glass four
        times. They share a meaningful moment, filled with unspoken
        complexities.

        EXT. COLLEGE UNIVERSITY - DAY
        Leah sits on a bench, lost in thought, on a beautiful spring
        morning. She wears a cap and gown with Junie's sweatshirt
        draped over it. Gab joins her on the bench.
        GAB
        You've got that look again.
        LEAH
        What look?
        They share a knowing glance. Leah goes back to look into the
        distance.
        LEAH (CONT'D)
        You know they got married?
        GAB
        Stalking again I see.
        77.

        Leah remains still. Gabs disapproval apparent.
        GAB (CONT'D)
        Somethings about you Le, I'll just
        never understand.
        Gab pauses, noticing Leah's sweatshirt.
        GAB (CONT'D)
        By the way, nice sweatshirt.
        Leah smirks, a hint of nostalgia in her eyes.

        EXT. BROOKLYN - JOHN'S BACKYARD - DAY
        A spontaneous child's birthday party is in full swing.
        Children laugh, balloons pop, streamers dance in the wind,
        the aroma of barbecue smoke fills the air.
        Junie, leans against the bar, beer in hand, gaze fixed on
        Maggie, who stands at the far end of the lawn. John saunters
        towards Junie, teasing grin in place.
        JOHN
        AHOY Captain!
        Junie breaks her gaze with Maggie, turns to John with a
        playful smile, lifting her leg in a mock Captain Morgan
        stance.
        JOHN (CONT'D)
        Having fun?
        JUNIE
        I'm still amazed they let you have
        a child.
        JOHN
        I'm just as shocked as you.
        Sharing a lighthearted chuckle, their rapport carries a warm
        tone.
        JOHN (CONT'D)
        You two still trying to have one of
        these little fuckers.
        JUNIE
        You're an animal.
        JOHN
        Didn't I warn you to run one or twice
        before?
        78.

        JUNIE
        Eh, nothing to run from, we're on try
        number three. She can't hold a
        pregnancy.
        John's playful smile fades.
        JOHN
        I'm sorry June, how's she holding up?
        John motions toward Maggie.
        JUNIE
        Between the hormones and failed
        attempts, it's bad.
        JOHN
        Why don't you guys take a break?
        JUNIE
        She doesn't want to. I've tried.
        (Stares off at Maggie)
        Sometimes I feel like she wants a child
        so bad because she misses Leah so much.
        JOHN
        Ah, Leah, she was my favorite Hoe.
        Junie closes her eyes, shakes her head and slightly smiles.
        JUNIE
        She was always everyone's favorite.
        (A beat)
        I miss her John, we both do.
        John's wraps his arm around Junie's shoulder.
        JOHN
        Come on Captain' let's get you
        another drink.
        JUNIE
        Aye, aye.

        INT. COUNSELING OFFICE - DAY
        The counseling office buzzes with activity, filled with
        individuals seeking support. A door stands in the corner,
        adorned with a sign that reads "Leah Oliverio - LCSW"
        79.

        INT. LEAH'S OFFICE - DAY
        LEAH projects empathy and determination as she counsels
        NICOLE, a young woman on the edge of despair.
        NICOLE
        (Shaky)
        I just want to give up.
        LEAH
        Then what happens to Carter?
        NICOLE
        He'd grow up without his mother.
        LEAH
        You want that for him?
        Nicole locks eyes with Leah, her gaze filled with intensity.
        LEAH (CONT'D)
        I know this is hard.
        NICOLE
        I know you know.
        LEAH
        (Slightly amused)
        It's that obvious?
        NICOLE
        Pain knows pain. How did you stop?
        LEAH
        When I finally felt the agony I
        inflected on the people I love most.
        (A beat)
        If you can't go for yourself, do it
        for Carter. Think of his suffering.
        Tears falls from Nicole's eyes, she slowly nods, surrendering
        to help.
        LEAH (CONT'D)
        I'll make the call. Why don't you
        call your family?
        Nicole heads toward the door but halts, turning back to face
        Leah. She places several bags of heroin on the desk.
        Leah meets her intense gaze. Nicole walks out.
        80.

        INT. NOW JUNIE AND MAGGIE'S APARTMENT - BEDROOM - NIGHT
        The night is quiet, as Junie and Maggie cling to sleep. Suddenly,
        Maggie jostles awake in a panic. Sweat drenches her forehead, her
        eyes hold a ghostly fear.
        MAGGIE
        (Panicked)
        Leah!
        Maggie's hands clutch her chest, and her breathing is rapid.
        Junie is awakened by Maggie's distress. She reaches out and
        pulls Maggie close, embracing her tightly.
        JUNIE
        Babe, it's okay, it was just a
        dream. It's okay, you're okay.
        Maggie's tears stream down her face as she clings to Junie.
        JUNIE (CONT'D)
        Alright, alright. I'll find her. Okay?
        Maggie, still trembling, nods wordlessly in Junie's arms.

        EXT. LEAH'S APARTMENT - FRONT STOOP - DAY
        Junie trudges to the front door, a hesitant finger reaching
        out for the bell. Leah’s apartment seems eerily quiet.
        Genres: ["Drama"]

        Summary Leah contemplates her past while Gab encourages her to focus on the present. Maggie prepares for her wedding and Junie expresses her desire to start a family. At the reception, Maggie and Junie share a meaningful moment. Leah reflects on their marriage while Junie and John playfully discuss Maggie's struggles with pregnancy. Leah counsels Nicole, convincing her to seek help. The scene ends with Maggie waking up from a nightmare and Junie comforting her.
        Strengths
        • Realistic dialogue
        • Strong character development
        • Exploration of complex emotions and relationships
        Weaknesses
        • Lack of high-stakes conflict

        Ratings
        Overall

        Overall: 9

        The scene effectively explores the complex emotions and relationships between the characters, with realistic dialogue and strong character development. The tone and sentiment of the scene create a compelling and emotional atmosphere.


        Story Content

        Concept: 8

        The concept of the scene, focusing on the characters' emotions and relationships surrounding a wedding, is well-executed and engaging.

        Plot: 7

        The plot of the scene revolves around the characters' emotions and relationships, particularly their feelings towards Leah and their struggles with starting a family. While it is not action-driven, it effectively develops the characters and their conflicts.

        Originality: 6

        The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the situations and themes explored are familiar, the authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds a fresh and relatable perspective. The scene effectively captures the complexities of relationships and personal growth.


        Character Development

        Characters: 9

        The characters in the scene are well-developed and their emotions and relationships are explored in depth. Their dialogue and actions reveal their personalities and motivations.

        Character Changes: 8

        The characters undergo emotional changes and growth throughout the scene. They confront their feelings and make decisions that impact their relationships and personal development.

        Internal Goal: 8

        Leah's internal goal in this scene is to come to terms with her past and find a sense of pride in her accomplishments. It reflects her deeper need for validation and acceptance, as well as her fear of being stuck in the past.

        External Goal: 7

        Leah's external goal in this scene is to attend a ceremony and celebrate her anniversary. It reflects the immediate circumstances and challenges she's facing in terms of maintaining relationships and moving forward in life.


        Scene Elements

        Conflict Level: 6

        The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, as the characters grapple with their emotions and relationships. There is tension and disagreement, but it is not high-stakes or action-driven.

        Opposition: 6

        The opposition in this scene is moderate. While there are conflicts and challenges present, they are not overly difficult to overcome and the audience can anticipate the general outcome.

        High Stakes: 5

        The stakes in the scene are primarily emotional, as the characters grapple with their feelings and relationships. While important to the characters, they are not life-or-death situations.

        Story Forward: 7

        The scene moves the story forward by developing the characters' emotions and relationships. It sets up future conflicts and resolutions.

        Unpredictability: 7

        This scene is unpredictable because it introduces unexpected emotional revelations and conflicts. The audience is kept on their toes, unsure of how the characters will navigate their complex emotions.

        Philosophical Conflict: 0

        There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.


        Audience Engagement

        Emotional Impact: 9

        The scene has a strong emotional impact, as it explores the characters' complex emotions and relationships. It evokes empathy and creates a sense of connection with the characters.

        Dialogue: 9

        The dialogue in the scene is realistic and effectively conveys the characters' emotions and relationships. It reveals their personalities and motivations, and drives the scene forward.

        Engagement: 9

        This scene is engaging because it presents relatable and emotionally charged situations. The dialogue and actions of the characters create tension and intrigue, keeping the audience invested in the story.

        Pacing: 8

        The pacing of this scene contributes to its effectiveness by allowing for moments of introspection and emotional resonance. The rhythm of the dialogue and actions creates a sense of tension and anticipation.


        Technical Aspect

        Formatting: 9

        The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It is properly formatted with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue.

        Structure: 8

        The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It effectively establishes the setting, introduces the characters, and progresses the narrative.


        Critique
        • The scene starts off with Leah sitting at the kitchen table, lost in thought. While this sets a reflective tone, it lacks a clear purpose or conflict to drive the scene forward.
        • The dialogue between Leah and Gab feels forced and lacks depth. The conversation about Leah driving to Brooklyn for comfort could be more impactful if it revealed deeper emotions or conflicts.
        • The transition to the wedding venue and Maggie's distant expression hints at a world of emotions, but it is not explored further in the scene. It feels disconnected from Leah's storyline.
        • The dialogue between Junie and John at the child's birthday party lacks depth and doesn't contribute much to the overall narrative.
        • Leah counseling Nicole is a powerful moment, but it feels rushed and could benefit from more development and exploration of their dynamic.
        • The scene ends abruptly with Maggie waking up from a nightmare, leaving the reader wanting more resolution or closure.
        Suggestions
        • Consider adding a clear conflict or objective for Leah in the kitchen scene to drive the scene forward and create tension.
        • Develop the conversation between Leah and Gab to reveal deeper emotions and conflicts, such as Leah's fear of losing Junie and Maggie.
        • Integrate Maggie's emotional turmoil and Junie's desire to start a family more seamlessly into Leah's storyline to create a stronger connection between the characters.
        • Revise the dialogue between Junie and John at the child's birthday party to add depth and explore their relationship further.
        • Expand on Leah's counseling session with Nicole to create a more impactful and meaningful moment of transformation.
        • Provide more resolution or closure at the end of the scene to satisfy the reader's expectations.



        Scene 15 -  Reunion and Reflection
        INT. LEAH'S APARTMENT - LIVING ROOM - TWIGHLIGHT
        Leah sits on the couch. Hey eyes fixed on the bags of heroin
        in front of her on the ottoman. The doorbell RINGS, capturing
        her attention. She puts the bags of heroin in her pocket.

        INT. LEAH'S APARTMENT - FRONT ROOM - CONTINIOUS
        Leah peaks outside the window and see's Junie. Startled, she
        quickly moves away from the window, pressing herself against the
        wall, her expression filled with confusion.

        INT./EXT. LEAH'S APARTMENT - FRONT DOOR - CONTINIOUS
        Leah opens the front door to find Junie standing there.
        JUNIE
        (Heartfelt)
        Hi.
        81.

        LEAH
        Hi.

        INT. LEAH'S APARTMENT - KITCHEN - LATER
        Leah and Junie sit, drinking coffee.
        JUNIE
        So, a counselor... who would have
        thought.
        LEAH
        I'm still a maniac, just a clinical one.
        They share a faint smile, but it doesn't quite reach their
        eyes.
        JUNIE
        That's amazing. Me and Maggie were
        really happy when we heard that.
        Junie clears her throat and takes a sip of coffee. Leah shifts
        uncomfortably in her chair, avoiding eye contact.
        LEAH
        How is she?
        JUNIE
        She's okay. She misses you.
        LEAH
        I saw the wedding photos, beautiful.
        A tense moment of silence hangs in the air.
        JUNIE
        I'm sorry, Leah, we struggle a lot. We
        wanted to reach out so many times, to
        talk.
        LEAH
        To talk?
        JUNIE
        Well, yeah, at least to try and
        explain. We never wanted to hurt you.
        Leah stares, her sadness and anger evident.
        LEAH
        You and Maggie didn’t hurt me
        Junie… Getting stood up on a date,
        that hurts.
        (MORE)
        82.
        LEAH (CONT'D)
        What you and Maggie did caused a
        foundational crack that fucking
        split me open.
        (with intensity)
        Hurt me? No. More like spiritual
        fucking homicide.
        Junie's eyes well up with tears. Pain and remorse are etched
        across her face.
        JUNIE
        (almost breathless)
        Le, I’m so sorry.
        LEAH
        Junie...why are you here?
        Junie tries to stop the tears to speak.
        JUNIE
        Maggie needs you... I...
        Leah interjects, her voice cracking.
        LEAH
        I'm sorry. Need me? Things seemed
        just fine without me.
        JUNIE
        We haven't been "fine" Leah. None
        of us have.
        (Stares at Leah, emotions high)
        How much longer are we all going to
        suffer like this?
        (Frustration building)
        It doesn't have to be this way!
        (Voice getting louder)
        Don't you want the nightmares to stop!?
        Leah's gaze softens as she closes her eyes, contemplating
        Junie's words.


        INT. LEAH'S APARTMENT - BATHROOM - NIGHT
        Leah, eyes still puffy from crying, tosses the bags of heroin
        into the toilet and flushes.

        INT. DEBBIE'S HOME - KITCHEN - DAY
        The morning sun seeps in through the rustic-style windows. Leah,
        Madison, and Gab lounge at the table. Steam rises from freshly
        brewed cups of coffee.
        83.

        MADISON
        So, let me get this straight. She
        actually showed up at your door.
        LEAH
        Yup. Isn't that what I just said?
        MADISON
        Tell me again, smart ass. And what
        did she say?
        LEAH
        She said, "You know, I've always
        wondered what my first words to you
        would be after all these years."
        MADISON
        Oh god, how dramatic.
        Did you then break into song.
        (Singing)
        Hello from the other side.
        Gab joins in.
        GAB
        I must have called a thousand times.
        LEAH
        Very funny assholes.
        GAB
        (To Madison)
        Alright, alright. Madison stop
        being insensitive.
        (To Leah)
        Ok, and then what?
        LEAH
        We talked about everything.
        MADISON
        So, you discussed her disgraceful
        marriage to your best friend?
        Gab gives Madison a disappointing look.
        GAB
        How do you feel now?
        LEAH
        At first, so angry but now,
        relieved.
        84.

        MADISON
        Relieved? Seriously?
        LEAH
        A part of me still really angry… but
        it was so nice to just see her. It's
        like a weight has been lifted. I can't
        explain it. Like I can breathe again.
        Gab and Madison stare at Leah a moment, dumbfounded, trying
        to process Leah’s words.
        LEAH (CONT'D)
        I'm going to see Maggie this weekend.
        MADISON
        (appalled)
        Gabs, I think your sister has lost her
        mind. Le, please tell me you're joking.
        You're going to see Maggie, your...
        Madison makes quote signs with her hands.
        MADISON (CONT'D)
        "Best friend"
        LEAH
        I don't wanna hold any grudges
        anymore. I need to let it go.
        MADISON
        Fucking gag me.
        GAB
        Ok, this reunion is wonderful to
        hear about and all but are you sure
        you're ready for this?
        LEAH
        Why wouldn't I be?
        GAB
        Le, let's not forget the whole year of
        you not sleeping and eating.
        Leah's eyes widen as the memories come flooding back, and
        Madison and Gab exchange a concerned glance.

        EXT. LEAH'S APARTMENT - FRONT YARD - DAY
        Leah sits on the front porch on a hot summer day, the sound
        of a car approaching draws her attention. The car comes to a
        stop, Maggie steps out, and their eyes meet for a moment.
        85.

        Maggie advances toward Leah, her footfalls slow but
        unwavering. She comes to a halt just a few steps away from
        Leah. Leah stands up, bracing herself. Their eyes locked.
        Suddenly, Maggie lunges towards Leah and hugs her. Leah initially
        freezes, but then, allows herself to be enveloped in the embrace.
        As they reluctantly release their embrace, tears stream down
        their cheeks.
        MAGGIE
        Le…
        Maggie continues to sob and covers her face with her hands.
        Leah extends a comforting hand.
        LEAH
        It’s okay Maggie, take a breath.
        MAGGIE
        Sorry, I'm a wreck, as usual.
        LEAH
        Well, I’m glad somethings in life
        are consistent.
        Maggie manages a watery chuckle amidst her tears.
        MAGGIE
        Like you being an asshole.
        Leah reciprocates the laughter. Maggie's demeanor softens.
        LEAH
        You wanna come in? I apologize for
        the mess in advance.
        MAGGIE
        How bad?
        LEAH
        You may not survive.
        (A beat)
        Maybe a drive would be better.
        Maggie smiles, signaling her agreement with a bob of her
        head.

        INT./EXT. LEAH'S CAR - MOMENTS LATER
        Leah and Maggie settle into their seats. Leah prepares to
        start driving.
        86.

        She cracks open the driver's side window. Maggie follows suit
        and lowers her window to the same level as Leah's. Leah
        smirks mischievously and lowers her window a bit more. Maggie
        matches her action. Their eyes meet, and they both chuckle.
        Genres: ["Drama"]

        Summary Leah sits on the couch, hiding bags of heroin as Junie arrives. They talk about their past, with Junie apologizing and Leah expressing her anger. Junie pleads for them to stop suffering, and Leah contemplates her words. Leah later flushes the heroin down the toilet. Leah, Madison, and Gab discuss Junie's visit over coffee. Leah reveals her plan to see Maggie. Leah and Maggie have an emotional reunion, hugging and crying. They choose to go for a drive, mischievously lowering their car windows.
        Strengths
        • Powerful dialogue
        • Emotional depth
        • Exploration of complex themes
        Weaknesses
        • Some moments of melodrama

        Ratings
        Overall

        Overall: 9

        The scene effectively conveys the emotional journey of the characters and explores complex themes of forgiveness and redemption. The dialogue is impactful and the scene moves the story forward.


        Story Content

        Concept: 8

        The concept of the scene, which focuses on the reunion and redemption between Leah and Maggie, is compelling and emotionally resonant.

        Plot: 8

        The plot of the scene revolves around Leah and Maggie reconnecting after a long period of estrangement. It effectively builds tension and resolves conflicts.

        Originality: 6

        The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the situation of characters confronting their past and attempting to rebuild their relationship is a familiar one, the specific dynamics and emotions portrayed by the characters feel authentic and unique.


        Character Development

        Characters: 9

        The characters are well-developed and their emotions and motivations are clearly conveyed. The scene allows for growth and change in the characters.

        Character Changes: 9

        Both Leah and Maggie experience significant emotional growth and change throughout the scene.

        Internal Goal: 8

        Leah's internal goal in this scene is to confront her past and reconcile with Junie and Maggie. This reflects her deeper need for closure, forgiveness, and healing from the pain caused by their actions.

        External Goal: 7

        Leah's external goal in this scene is to have a conversation with Junie and Maggie and potentially rebuild their relationship. This reflects the immediate circumstances of their reunion and the challenge of addressing their past conflicts.


        Scene Elements

        Conflict Level: 7

        The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, as the characters grapple with their emotions and past actions.

        Opposition: 7

        The opposition in this scene is strong, as Leah is initially resistant to Junie's presence and confronts her about the pain she caused. The audience is unsure of how the conversation will unfold and whether reconciliation is possible.

        High Stakes: 8

        The stakes are high for both Leah and Maggie, as they confront their past actions and strive for forgiveness and redemption.

        Story Forward: 9

        The scene moves the story forward by resolving conflicts and setting up future developments.

        Unpredictability: 7

        This scene is unpredictable because it introduces unexpected emotions and conflicts between the characters, challenging the audience's assumptions about their relationships and potential outcomes.

        Philosophical Conflict: 7

        There is a philosophical conflict evident in this scene between Leah's desire for closure and forgiveness and her anger and pain caused by Junie and Maggie's actions. This challenges Leah's beliefs about trust, friendship, and the possibility of healing.


        Audience Engagement

        Emotional Impact: 10

        The scene elicits strong emotional responses from the audience, particularly in the moments of confrontation and reconciliation.

        Dialogue: 10

        The dialogue is powerful and emotionally charged. It effectively conveys the characters' feelings and motivations.

        Engagement: 9

        This scene is engaging because it presents a highly emotional and tense confrontation between the characters, with the potential for resolution and healing. The dialogue and actions keep the audience invested in the outcome of the conversation.

        Pacing: 8

        The pacing and rhythm of this scene contribute to its effectiveness by allowing for moments of tension and emotional release. The dialogue and actions are well-paced and keep the scene moving forward.


        Technical Aspect

        Formatting: 9

        The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, with proper use of scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting. The descriptions are concise and effectively convey the necessary information.

        Structure: 8

        The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings and transitions between locations. The dialogue and actions flow smoothly and contribute to the overall narrative.


        Critique
        • The scene starts with Leah sitting on the couch, her eyes fixed on the bags of heroin in front of her. This immediately creates a sense of tension and sets up the conflict of Leah's struggle with addiction. However, it is not clear why she is contemplating using the heroin or what her emotional state is in this moment. Adding some internal thoughts or dialogue could help clarify her motivations and emotions.
        • The transition from the living room to the front room is a bit abrupt and could be smoother. Consider adding a brief action or description to indicate Leah's movement from one room to another.
        • When Junie arrives at the front door, her greeting of 'Hi' feels a bit underwhelming given the emotional weight of the scene. Consider adding more depth to their initial interaction to reflect the tension and history between them.
        • The dialogue between Leah and Junie in the kitchen is mostly focused on small talk and lacks the emotional depth that is needed in this scene. It would be more impactful to delve deeper into their past and the pain they have caused each other. This could be achieved through more introspective dialogue and vulnerable moments.
        • The transition from the kitchen to the bathroom is sudden and could benefit from a smoother transition. Consider adding a brief action or description to indicate Leah's movement from one room to another.
        • The scene in the bathroom where Leah flushes the heroin down the toilet is a powerful moment of her choosing to let go of her addiction. However, it would be helpful to see more of her internal struggle and the emotional weight of this decision. Adding some internal thoughts or dialogue could enhance the impact of this moment.
        • The transition from Leah's apartment to Debbie's home is not clear and could be smoother. Consider adding a brief action or description to indicate the change in location.
        • The dialogue between Leah, Madison, and Gab in Debbie's kitchen is mostly focused on sarcastic banter and lacks depth. It would be more effective to explore Leah's emotional journey and her decision to reconnect with Maggie. This could be achieved through more meaningful conversations and introspective moments.
        • The scene ends with Leah and Maggie choosing to go for a drive, which is a symbol of their renewed connection and the potential for healing. However, the mischievous lowering of the car windows feels out of place and undermines the emotional weight of the scene. Consider ending the scene on a more poignant and heartfelt note.
        • Overall, the scene has moments of emotional depth and tension, but it could benefit from more introspection, vulnerability, and clarity in the character's motivations and emotions.
        Suggestions
        • Add internal thoughts or dialogue to clarify Leah's motivations and emotions as she contemplates using the heroin.
        • Smoothly transition from the living room to the front room by adding a brief action or description.
        • Enhance the initial interaction between Leah and Junie at the front door to reflect the tension and history between them.
        • Delve deeper into Leah and Junie's past and the pain they have caused each other through more introspective dialogue and vulnerable moments in the kitchen scene.
        • Add internal thoughts or dialogue to enhance the emotional weight of Leah's decision to flush the heroin down the toilet.
        • Smoothly transition from Leah's apartment to Debbie's home by adding a brief action or description.
        • Explore Leah's emotional journey and her decision to reconnect with Maggie through more meaningful conversations and introspective moments in the kitchen scene.
        • End the scene on a more poignant and heartfelt note, avoiding the mischievous lowering of the car windows.
        • Focus on adding more introspection, vulnerability, and clarity in the character's motivations and emotions throughout the scene.



        Scene 16 -  A Moment of Connection
        EXT. LEAH'S APARTMENT - BACK DECK - NIGHT
        Leah, Maggie and Junie sit at the patio table, enjoying
        drinks and cheese. Junie and Maggie sit across from Leah.
        MAGGIE
        Saying you're asexual is such a cop
        out. I've seen photos of some of
        the girls you've dated!
        LEAH
        Stalker.
        MAGGIE
        Not my fault you leave your social
        media on public.
        JUNIE
        What was the biker chick all about?
        LEAH
        Eh, she wasn't good for me.
        JUNIE
        Ya, I could feel that.
        LEAH
        You could feel that from a picture?
        JUNIE
        When it comes to you, yeah, I can.
        A moment of awkward silence. Junie's phone rings.
        JUNIE (CONT'D)
        Ah shit, work, I have to take this.
        Junie walks in the house and closes the patio door.
        LEAH
        Still a slave I see.
        Maggie nods with sarcasm. A beat.
        MAGGIE
        You know, she really struggled not
        having you in her life.
        87.

        LEAH
        Me to.
        (Pause)
        As crazy as it sounds, I'm relieved.
        In a twisted fucked up way, I'm
        happy you make Junie happy.
        MAGGIE
        I wouldn't exactly say that.
        LEAH
        What would you say?
        MAGGIE
        Things have been hard. I've been in a
        bad place. I'm driving her insane.
        LEAH
        You wanna talk about the bad place?
        Maggie gulps her wine.
        MAGGIE
        We've been trying to get pregnant for
        over a year, but my body doesn't work.
        The fertility meds make my OCD a level
        that I should be committed for.
        Maggie laughs nervously.
        LEAH
        Fuck Maggie. I'm sorry.
        MAGGIE
        I start my next IVF cycle next week.
        Maggie gulps her wine again. A beat.
        LEAH
        You still getting help for the OCD? Or
        are you still going into CVS to organize
        the shampoo bottles in your spare time?
        MAGGIE
        I'll have you know; my local CVS
        has the most pristine Pantene Pro-V
        section in Brooklyn.
        Leah and Maggie share a quiet laugh.
        MAGGIE (CONT'D)
        I wouldn't say Dr. Bernstein has
        been happy with my attendance.
        88.

        LEAH
        You think starting IVF again is a
        good idea? What's the rush?
        Maggie stares at Leah, pondering.
        LEAH (CONT'D)
        (Hint of sarcasm)
        Maybe let's give Dr. Bernstein a call?
        Maggie smiles and nods.
        MAGGIE
        Thank you.
        LEAH
        For what?
        MAGGIE
        Being you.

        INT. LEAH'S APARTMENT - HALLWAY - SAME TIME
        Junie hangs up the phone and notices her Blink 182 sweatshirt
        hanging in Leah's bedroom. She walks over, gently grabs the
        sleeve, and smiles, a bittersweet expression on her face as
        she's inundated with memories tied to this hoodie.

        EXT. LEAH'S APARTMENT - BACK DECK - NIGHT - MOMENTS LATER
        Junie walks back outside, attempting to conceal her emotional
        moment in the hallway. She takes a seat at the table, trying
        to regain her composure.
        JUNIE
        Sorry about that. Where were we?
        MAGGIE
        Discussing Leah's peculiar choices
        in women.
        They all share a laugh. A beat.
        Leah glances down at the cheese plate and inspects it.
        LEAH
        I need a something like this. I
        need to bring a cheese platter to
        Gab's next week.
        89.

        MAGGIE
        This thing? It's actually part of a
        matching set I got from Target.
        Borrow it.
        Junie and Leah exchange a skeptical glance.
        MAGGIE (CONT'D)
        Oh, come on, guys. I promise I'll
        survive until it's returned.
        Maggie chugs her wine causing all three of them to chuckle.

        INT. JUNIE AND MAGGIE'S APARTMENT - DAY
        The room is a colorful mess, with drop cloths on the floor,
        furniture pushed aside, and paint cans scattered about. Leah,
        Junie, and Maggie enthusiastically paint the walls. Laughter
        and chatter fill the room.

        EXT. DEBBIE'S HOME - DAY
        Leah's childhood home is adorned with birthday decorations.
        Leah celebrates her special day surrounded by her family,
        Junie, and Maggie. They join in singing the birthday song and
        share a heartwarming moment around the cake.
        As Leah blows out the candles, she exchanges a meaningful
        smile with Maggie, a silent connection that transcends words.

        INT. COFFEE BAR - NIGHT
        A vintage coffee bar - dim lights and soulful music playing
        softly. Leah, Maggie, and Junie sit at a corner table. Leah
        is intrigued by an attractive WOMAN at the counter, engrossed
        in her book. Maggie nudges her gently - urging.
        JUMP CUT TO:
        Leah engaging in conversation with the woman, animated, while
        Maggie and Junie observe with amused smiles. Maggie's forced
        smile fades when Leah is not looking. Junie obliviously sips
        her coffee.

        INT. JUNIE AND MAGGIE'S APARTMENT - BEDROOM - NIGHT
        The room is dimly lit, with a soft, warm glow from the
        nightstand light. Junie and Maggie lie side by side in bed.
        Junie fast asleep, while Maggie stares at a childhood photo
        of herself and Leah on her phone.
        90.

        A deep sigh escapes her, the silence of the room amplifying
        her emotional turmoil.

        INT. DR. BERNSTEIN PSYCHIATRY - WAITING ROOM - DAY
        Maggie sits on the sofa, rhythmically tapping her knee. Leah
        sits beside her, observing Maggie's nervous movements.
        LEAH
        Stop counting.
        MAGGIE
        I hate coming here.
        LEAH
        Why?
        MAGGIE
        This place just makes me anxious. Oddly
        enough, having you here actually helps.
        LEAH
        Thanks, Asshole.
        MAGGIE
        No, I mean... I've never come here
        with someone before.
        LEAH
        Junie doesn't come?
        MAGGIE
        She can't, not with work.
        LEAH
        Mags, then I'll be here with you.
        Maggie looks at Leah, her eyes filled with emotion.
        LEAH (CONT'D)
        What?
        MAGGIE
        I haven't heard you call me Mags in
        so long.
        Maggie leans over and hugs Leah tightly. At first taken
        aback, Leah quickly reciprocates.
        91.
        Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

        Summary Leah, Maggie, and Junie sit on Leah's back deck, enjoying drinks and cheese. Maggie questions Leah's asexuality and they discuss past relationships. Junie receives a work call and leaves the patio. Maggie opens up about her struggles with OCD and fertility treatments. Leah offers support and they share a moment of connection. The scene jumps to various moments in time, including painting Junie and Maggie's apartment, celebrating Leah's birthday, and a coffee shop encounter. The scene ends with Leah and Maggie hugging in the waiting room of Dr. Bernstein's psychiatry office.
        Strengths
        • Authentic dialogue
        • Emotional depth
        • Humor
        Weaknesses
        • Limited external conflict

        Ratings
        Overall

        Overall: 9

        The scene effectively combines humor and emotion, providing insight into the characters' inner conflicts and their evolving relationships.


        Story Content

        Concept: 8

        The concept of exploring personal struggles, relationships, and the impact of infertility is well-executed.

        Plot: 8

        The plot progresses through the characters' conversations, revealing their past and current struggles.

        Originality: 6

        The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the situations and conversations are relatable, the writer adds fresh approaches and unique perspectives through the characters' interactions and revelations.


        Character Development

        Characters: 9

        The characters are well-developed and their interactions feel authentic. Their struggles and emotions are relatable.

        Character Changes: 8

        The characters experience emotional growth and reconciliation, particularly Leah and Maggie.

        Internal Goal: 8

        The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to navigate her complicated relationships with Maggie and Junie and find a sense of happiness and relief in their current situation.

        External Goal: 7

        The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to have a casual conversation with her friends and enjoy their time together.


        Scene Elements

        Conflict Level: 6

        The conflict is primarily internal, with characters dealing with personal struggles and past relationships.

        Opposition: 6

        The opposition in this scene is moderate. While there are moments of tension and conflicting emotions between the characters, it is not a major obstacle that significantly challenges the protagonist's goals.

        High Stakes: 5

        The stakes are primarily emotional, with characters dealing with personal struggles and the impact on their relationships.

        Story Forward: 7

        The scene provides insight into the characters' past and current struggles, deepening the audience's understanding of their relationships.

        Unpredictability: 5

        This scene is somewhat unpredictable because it reveals unexpected emotions and revelations from the characters. However, the overall direction of the scene is relatively predictable.

        Philosophical Conflict: 0

        There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.


        Audience Engagement

        Emotional Impact: 9

        The scene evokes a range of emotions, from humor to sadness, creating a strong emotional impact.

        Dialogue: 9

        The dialogue is witty, sarcastic, and emotionally charged, effectively conveying the characters' personalities and conflicts.

        Engagement: 9

        This scene is engaging because it presents relatable and emotionally charged conversations between the characters. The dialogue and interactions keep the audience invested in the story and the characters' relationships.

        Pacing: 8

        The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by allowing the dialogue and emotions to unfold naturally. The rhythm of the scene keeps the audience engaged and invested in the characters' conversations.


        Technical Aspect

        Formatting: 9

        The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It includes scene headings, character names, dialogue, and action descriptions in a clear and organized manner.

        Structure: 8

        The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It begins with an establishing shot, includes dialogue and character actions, and transitions smoothly between different locations.


        Critique
        • The dialogue in this scene is mostly light and humorous, which fits the overall tone of the scene. However, there are moments where the dialogue could be more impactful and emotionally resonant. For example, when Maggie opens up about her struggles with OCD and fertility treatments, the dialogue could delve deeper into her emotions and the challenges she faces. This would create a stronger connection between Maggie and Leah, and make their moment of support more powerful.
        • The pacing of the scene could be improved. There are moments of awkward silence and pauses that could be tightened to maintain the momentum of the conversation. This would help keep the audience engaged and invested in the scene.
        • The visual elements in this scene are minimal, which is appropriate for the intimate setting of Leah's back deck. However, there could be more attention to the characters' body language and facial expressions to enhance the emotional depth of the scene. This would allow the audience to better understand the characters' feelings and reactions.
        • The transition between Junie leaving the patio and returning could be smoother. The emotional impact of Junie's moment in the hallway is not fully realized, and the scene could benefit from a more seamless transition back to the conversation between Leah, Maggie, and Junie.
        • The ending of the scene, with Leah and Maggie lowering their car windows mischievously, feels somewhat abrupt and disconnected from the rest of the scene. It would be more effective to end the scene on a moment of emotional connection between Leah and Maggie, reinforcing their bond and leaving the audience with a sense of hope and anticipation for their future interactions.
        Suggestions
        • Consider adding more emotional depth to the dialogue, particularly when Maggie opens up about her struggles. This will create a stronger connection between the characters and make their moment of support more impactful.
        • Tighten the pacing of the scene to maintain momentum and keep the audience engaged.
        • Pay attention to the characters' body language and facial expressions to enhance the emotional depth of the scene.
        • Smoothly transition between Junie leaving the patio and returning, allowing for a more seamless flow of emotions.
        • Consider ending the scene on a moment of emotional connection between Leah and Maggie, reinforcing their bond and leaving the audience with a sense of hope and anticipation for their future interactions.



        Scene 17 -  A Cozy Night and Confessions
        INT. LEAH'S APARTMENT - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT
        Leah and Maggie settle on the couch for a cozy night in front
        of the TV. The room is softly lit, casting a warm, intimate
        atmosphere. Leah holds the TV remote while Maggie snuggles up
        with a throw blanket.
        MAGGIE
        I can't believe they brought back the
        L word.
        LEAH
        It better not suck. All these years
        later and I'm still pissed off how
        they ended it.
        MAGGIE
        (Playful)
        Man, you really do know how to hold
        a grudge.
        Leah shoots Maggie a mockingly stern look. Leah reaches for
        the remote and clicks on the TV, yet a deep sigh betrays her
        underlying anxiety.
        MAGGIE (CONT'D)
        What is it?
        LEAH
        Nothing.
        MAGGIE
        Le...
        Leah huffs.
        LEAH
        I'm worried about this client of mine.
        MAGGIE
        What are you worried about?
        LEAH
        I guess I feel like I'm not helping
        her.
        MAGGIE
        Le, you can help anyone. You're so
        rare, how you connect with people.
        I don't know this girl, but I have
        no doubt that you‘re helping her.
        Maggie offers her support by reaching out and taking Leah's
        hand.
        92.

        Leah gazes at Maggie's hand resting on hers, a whirlwind of
        emotions churning within her. Maggie notices Leah’s
        discomfort and removes her hand.
        MAGGIE (CONT'D)
        Sorry, did that make you uncomfortable?
        LEAH
        No... Well yeah. I don't know.
        Leah takes a deep breath and rubs her tired eyes.
        LEAH (CONT'D)
        Are we going to talk about this?
        Maggie sighs, wrestling with her own inner thoughts.
        MAGGIE
        If you want to talk about it.
        LEAH
        This can't happen.
        MAGGIE
        I know.
        A tense beat.
        LEAH
        You understand how much Junie means
        to me, right?
        MAGGIE
        Leah, she's, my wife.
        Leah looks away, disheartened. Maggie then forces them again
        to connect with their eyes. She grabs Leah's face with her
        hand.
        MAGGIE (CONT'D)
        Look, I know how complicated it is.
        Leah remains silent, her gaze locked on Maggie, her face
        reflecting both longing and internal conflict. Maggie
        reciprocates with the same complex emotions, and their
        unspoken connection lingers in the air.
        LEAH
        I think you should leave.
        MAGGIE
        (shocked)
        Really?
        93.

        LEAH
        (With a hint of longing)
        If you don't, I may kiss you.
        Maggie stares at Leah with contemplation and longing. She
        reaches for her bag, preparing to depart, but she hesitates.
        She walks back to Leah, and in a moment of irresistible
        temptation, she kisses Leah passionately.

        EXT. DEBBIE'S HOME - FRONT PORCH - DAY
        Leah and Madison sit on weathered patio chairs, smoking, an
        ashtray between them. Gab walks out and joins them.
        GAB
        Leah, the fuck, you're smoking
        again!?
        MADISON
        The fun sucker has arrived.
        Gab sits on the step.
        GAB
        Ok, Madison Morgan.
        MADISON
        (Threatening)
        Call me Morgan again.
        Madison exhales a puff of smoke playfully in Gab's direction,
        earning an annoyed fanning response from Gab.
        As the humor fades from their faces, Madison and Gab exchange
        puzzled glances as they notice Leah's increasing detachment.
        LEAH
        I'm in love with Maggie.
        Madison and Gab burst into hysterical laughter.
        Madison fists pumps.
        MADISON
        Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!
        They continue to laugh, but Leah remains impassive, Leah puts
        out her cigarette and starts to get up to leave.
        GAB
        Leah, wait. Sorry, Morgan, get it
        together.
        94.

        Madison rolls her eyes as her laughter subsides. Leah sits
        back down.
        MADISON
        It's about freakin' time.
        Only took you twenty years to
        finally admit that one.
        LEAH
        What are you talking about?
        GAB
        Le, don't listen to Morgan. Are you sure
        you're really “in love” with Maggie?
        LEAH
        Yes, I’m fuckin' sure. Do you think
        I’m lying!?
        GAB
        Just wondering if it’s Junie you're
        really still in love with.
        Gab and Madison observe Leah's contemplative intense gaze.

        INT. NYC PARKER AND QUINN EATERY - NIGHT
        Leah and Maggie sit at a dimly lit table in a cozy corner of
        the restaurant. The warm ambiance of the place envelops them.
        MAGGIE
        I don't know if she knows Leah. She
        asking a lot of questions.
        LEAH
        Maggie, I'm not functioning.
        MAGGIE
        I'm cheating on my wife. Do you think
        I'm having fun?
        (Reflective)
        But I can't stop thinking about you, Le.
        I've never stopped thinking about you.
        LEAH
        Have you always felt this way?
        MAGGIE
        I don't know Leah. I know I've missed
        you so much for so long. I just need
        to be near you. I'm not thinking
        clearly, I need to wash my hands.
        95.

        Maggie attempts to get up. Leah pulls her back to her seat.
        LEAH
        Sit down, please? I get it.
        (A heavy pause lingers, each
        lost in their thoughts.)
        I just can't lose you and Junie again.
        I won't survive that again.
        MAGGIE
        Don't talk like that.
        (Analyzes Leah)
        Le, have you been going to your
        meetings?
        LEAH
        I don't need a fuckin' meeting.
        Maggie, I need...
        Maggie's phone vibrates on the table, distracting her. She
        picks it up and reads the message on the screen.
        LEAH (CONT'D)
        (Almost inaudible)
        You.
        Maggie does not hear Leah's last comment.
        MAGGIE
        (Anxious)
        We better get the check. Junie is
        freaking out.
        Leah motions the waiter for the check.
        MAGGIE (CONT'D)
        I'm driving you home. Don't argue
        with me about it.
        The waiter brings the bill, and Leah quickly pays, putting
        money on the table.
        MAGGIE (CONT'D)
        How much is it? Let me see.
        The bill arrives, and Leah hastily pays, placing the money on
        the table. Maggie makes a move to inspect it, but a stern
        glance from Leah persuades her not to.
        Leah and Maggie rise from their seats and head to leave.
        Maggie freezes as she notices a crowd near the bar, her
        anxiety surging. Leah senses Maggie's unease and takes her
        hand and guides her through the crowd.
        96.

        INT. NYC PARKER AND QUINN EATERY - BATHROOM STALL -
        CONTINIOUS
        Maggie leans against the wall, shaking. Leah stands in front
        of her, rubbing her arms in a consoling motion.
        MAGGIE
        I can't handle crowds like this anymore.
        LEAH
        So why are we here?
        MAGGIE
        This is where you wanted.
        LEAH
        You could have told me you were
        uncomfortable, Mags.
        Maggie leans her head into Leah's Chest.
        MAGGIE
        You've always made me feel like I could
        do things I never thought I could.
        Maggie picks her head up. Leah kisses Maggie passionately.
        Maggie stops, put her hands on Leah's face.
        MAGGIE (CONT'D)
        I love you, Leah. I always have.
        Leah presses her forehead against Maggie's.
        LEAH
        (Breathless)
        I love you.
        Genres: ["Drama","Romance"]

        Summary Leah and Maggie settle on the couch for a cozy night in front of the TV. Leah expresses her worry about a client, and Maggie reassures her. They share a passionate kiss, revealing Leah's feelings for Maggie. Leah confides in Madison and Gab about her love for Maggie. Leah and Maggie have a heartfelt conversation in a restaurant, discussing their feelings and fears. The scene ends with Maggie receiving a message on her phone and suggesting they leave.
        Strengths
        • Emotional depth
        • Natural dialogue
        • Tension and anticipation
        Weaknesses
        • Some dialogue could be more concise

        Ratings
        Overall

        Overall: 9

        The scene effectively portrays the complex emotions and conflicts between the characters, creating a sense of tension and anticipation.


        Story Content

        Concept: 8

        The concept of rekindled love and the exploration of a love triangle is engaging and relatable.

        Plot: 8

        The plot progresses as the characters confront their feelings and the potential consequences of their actions.

        Originality: 7

        The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the situation of a complicated love triangle is not entirely unique, the authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds freshness to the familiar theme. The writer explores the internal conflicts and emotional nuances of the characters in a compelling way.


        Character Development

        Characters: 9

        The characters are well-developed and their emotions and conflicts are portrayed convincingly.

        Character Changes: 9

        The characters experience internal conflict and their feelings for each other challenge their previous beliefs and relationships.

        Internal Goal: 8

        The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to confront her feelings for Maggie and address the complexity of their relationship. It reflects her deeper need for emotional clarity and her fear of losing Maggie and Junie again.

        External Goal: 6

        The protagonist's external goal in this scene is not clearly defined. The immediate circumstances or challenges they're facing are not explicitly mentioned.


        Scene Elements

        Conflict Level: 8

        The conflict between the characters' desires and their sense of duty creates tension and drives the scene.

        Opposition: 7

        The opposition in this scene is strong as the characters grapple with conflicting emotions and desires. The audience is uncertain of how the characters will resolve their internal conflicts and navigate their relationships.

        High Stakes: 8

        The characters risk their current relationships and face potential heartbreak and loss.

        Story Forward: 8

        The scene reveals the characters' true feelings and sets up potential conflicts and consequences for future events.

        Unpredictability: 7

        This scene is unpredictable because it introduces unexpected twists and reveals the characters' hidden emotions and desires. The audience is unsure of how the characters will navigate their complicated relationships.

        Philosophical Conflict: 7

        There is a philosophical conflict evident in this scene between the protagonist's desire for emotional fulfillment and her commitment to her previous relationship with Junie. It challenges her beliefs, values, and worldview regarding love and loyalty.


        Audience Engagement

        Emotional Impact: 9

        The scene evokes strong emotions and creates a sense of longing and anticipation.

        Dialogue: 9

        The dialogue is natural and reveals the characters' emotions and inner thoughts effectively.

        Engagement: 9

        This scene is engaging because it delves into the characters' emotional struggles and the complexity of their relationships. The dialogue and interactions between the characters create tension and intrigue, keeping the audience invested in the story.

        Pacing: 8

        The pacing of this scene contributes to its effectiveness by allowing moments of tension and reflection to breathe, while also maintaining a sense of forward momentum. The rhythm of the dialogue and the pauses create a natural flow.


        Technical Aspect

        Formatting: 9

        The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It includes scene headings, character names, dialogue, and action descriptions in a clear and organized manner.

        Structure: 8

        The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It establishes the setting, introduces the characters, and progresses the emotional conflict through dialogue and character interactions.


        Critique null
        Suggestions null



        Scene 18 -  Overwhelmed and Remorseful
        EXT. LEAH'S APARTMENT - FRONT PORCH - NIGHT
        Maggie walks Leah to the front door, their steps heavy with
        unspoken desire and tension. The soft glow of the porch light
        creates a sense of intimacy in the darkness.
        Standing closely together, Maggie cups Leah's face, pulling
        her in for a passionate kiss. The intensity of the moment is
        palpable, their lips locked in a fervent embrace. Speaking of
        years of longing and unspoken feelings.
        Leah abruptly stops when she notices a shadowy figure at the
        end of the driveway. Her eyes widen with dread, and she pulls
        away from Maggie's kiss.
        97.

        Leah's gaze shifts, and she recognizes Junie in the shadows,
        the anguish in her eyes illuminated by the soft, dimly lit
        surroundings. It's a moment of heart-wrenching realization.
        Maggie, still lost in the fervor of the kiss, turns around
        and locks eyes with Junie. The tension is thick in the air as
        the love triangle's delicate balance teeters on the edge of a
        precipice.
        MAGGIE
        (Sudden Despair)
        Junie!
        Junie turns, her face a mixture of shock, hurt, and anger, and
        dashes toward the car parked nearby, disappearing into the
        night. Maggie quickly reacts and she runs after her.
        Leah, overwhelmed, slides down to the floor, wrapping her
        arms around her legs and burying her head in her knees. The
        weight of the situation crushing her.

        INT. LEAH'S APARTMENT - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT
        Leah, Gab, and Madison sit on the couch. Leah wears Junie's
        hoodie. The three girls stare at Maggie's PLATE on the
        ottoman in front of them.
        MADISON
        So, you haven't heard from either
        of these cunt's in almost two
        months and they call and ask for
        their plate back?
        Leah continues to gaze at the plate. Madison gives Gab a
        concerned look.
        GAB
        Le, what did you say?
        LEAH
        (No emotion/shocked)
        I said I'd send the plate in the mail.
        MADISON
        The hell you are. Give me the
        plate, I'm going to smash it.
        Leah looks directly at Madison.
        LEAH
        (Aggressive)
        No, you will not.
        98.

        Leah goes back to staring at the plate. Gab shoots Madison a
        dirty look.
        GAB
        (To Leah)
        Leah, what your sister was trying
        to say was just ignore their
        ridiculous, immature request.
        Leah continues her blank stare at the plate.
        MADISON
        Immature? This is just fucking mean.
        Leah keeps her eyes on the plate, traumatized.
        Madison claps her hands rhythmically now as she speaks.
        MADISON (CONT'D)
        Le. Wake. The. Fuck. Up. Don't you
        see this is a blatant attempt to
        try and hurt you.
        LEAH
        (Emotionless)
        She needs the matching set.
        (Pause)
        This feels worse than Richard Simmons.
        An intense silence fills the room. Confusion and concern
        etched across Gab and Madison's face.
        MADISON
        (Yelling)
        OK, I've had enough, Leah snap the
        fuck out of this. Maggie ghosted
        you; it happens. Junie hates you,
        no offense but who fucking cares.
        These bitches mean nothing. Come on
        you are fucking stronger than this!
        LEAH
        They've always been my strength.
        GAB
        (Frustrated)
        That makes absolutely no sense, at all.
        You know what I am not going to even ask
        cause it's stupid, this plate is stupid,
        they are stupid. Leah, please, wake up!
        Leah breaks her stare with the plate after a moment.
        99.

        LEAH
        Ok, You're both right. I'm sorry. I
        know I need to get it together.
        Gab and Madison's faces relax.
        GAB
        I know this hurts but you gotta
        focus on moving forward, Le.
        LEAH
        I will. I will. You guys can go. I'm ok
        now. I'm fucking tired I'm going to bed.
        GAB
        Are you sure? We can stay.
        LEAH
        No, It's fine. I just need sleep.
        GAB
        Do you want me to send the plate? I
        can stop at UPS on my way home.
        LEAH
        No, I need to do this. I'll ship it
        tomorrow. Maybe it will be therapeutic.
        MADISON
        You know what will be therapeutic?
        Throwing the plate through their
        front fucking window.
        Leah and Gab ignore Madison's comment.
        GAB
        Are you sure?
        LEAH
        Yeah, I'm sure. I have that wake in the
        morning. I'll stop at UPS after.
        GAB
        We'll see you at moms tomorrow?
        Leah nods yes. Gab and Madison hug Leah and leave. Leah sits
        alone and stares at the plate.

        INT. MANGANO'S FUNERAL HOME - MAIN ROOM - DAY
        Leah walks in, dressed in all black and looks around. People
        are scattered around the room, some crying.
        100.

        Leah walks over to the casket that's surrounded by flowers to
        Nicole's lifeless body.
        LEAH
        (Staring down at Nicole)
        Maybe you got this right.
        Leah's eyes start to tear.
        LEAH (CONT'D)
        I'm so fucking sorry.
        Suddenly, a toddler crying echoes from behind. Leah turns to
        see CARTER, crying and running away from an OLDER WOMAN.
        OLDER WOMAN
        Carter, Carter, come here honey,
        it's okay.
        Leah and Carter lock eyes. Tears flow heavily down Leah's
        face. She then looks in the direction her, Junie, and Maggie
        stood together years ago. The memory is her breaking point.
        She abruptly gets up and leaves.

        INT. MANGANO'S FUNERAL HOME - LEAH'S CAR - MOMENTS LATER
        Leah sits in the driver's seat, her gaze fixed on the plate
        resting on the passenger seat. She clenches her fists in
        frustration, then abruptly puts the car in reverse and speeds
        out of the parking lot.

        EXT. HIGHWAY - DAY
        Leah's car zooms past a: "Welcome to Howard Beach" sign.

        EXT. NATE'S APARTMENT - FRONT DRIVEWAY - DAY
        Leah's car comes to a stop in front of Nate's house. Nate,
        now older and worn, approaches her window. Leah rolls down
        the window, and Nate discreetly hands something to her.
        NATE
        Nice to see you, old friend.
        Leah looks at Nate, her face devoid of emotion. She closes the
        window and drives off, leaving Nate standing there.
        101.

        INT. GAB'S CAR - BELT PARKWAY - DUSK
        Gab drives, the evening sun casting long shadows across the
        road. The phone rings, and the car display reads: "Mom." Gab
        picks up the phone,
        GAB
        Sorry I'm late Ma, on my way now.
        DEBBIE (V.O.)
        (Anxious)
        Gabriella, Leah isn't here. Her
        phone's off.
        GAB
        Okay...when's the last time someone
        spoke to her?
        DEBBIE (V.O.)
        (Almost frantic)
        Yesterday. I went by her place.
        She's not there. This isn't like
        her. I'm worried.
        Gab's grip on the steering wheel tightens. Her eyes flicker
        over the traffic, a sense of urgency building inside her.
        GAB
        I know where she is.
        DEBBIE (V.O.)
        You do? Where?
        GAB
        (With determination)
        I'll get her. I'll call you back.
        Gab hangs up, her thoughts racing. She takes a deep breath,
        her foot pressing harder on the gas pedal.
        Genres: ["Drama"]

        Summary Leah and Maggie share a passionate kiss on Leah's front porch, but their moment is interrupted when Leah sees Junie in the shadows. Junie runs away and Maggie chases after her. Leah is left overwhelmed and sits on the floor, feeling crushed. In Leah's apartment, Leah, Gab, and Madison discuss Maggie and Junie's request to return a plate. Leah is emotionally detached and fixated on the plate. Gab and Madison try to snap Leah out of it, but she remains distant. Leah eventually agrees to focus on moving forward. The scene shifts to Leah attending Nicole's funeral and feeling remorseful. She encounters Carter, a toddler, and the memory of her past with Junie and Maggie becomes too much. Leah abruptly leaves the funeral home and drives to Nate's house. Nate gives her something, and she drives off. Gab receives a call from their mom, who is worried about Leah's whereabouts. Gab assures her that she knows where Leah is and hangs up.
        Strengths
        • Intense emotions
        • Impactful dialogue
        • Tension and conflict
        • Character development
        Weaknesses
        • Some dialogue could be more nuanced

        Ratings
        Overall

        Overall: 9

        The scene effectively conveys the emotional turmoil and conflict between the characters, creating a strong sense of tension and anticipation. The dialogue is impactful and reveals the characters' inner struggles. The scene also moves the story forward and sets up the resolution of the love triangle.


        Story Content

        Concept: 8

        The concept of exploring the aftermath of a love triangle and the characters' emotional journey is well-executed. The scene effectively portrays the complexities of relationships and the challenges of moving on.

        Plot: 9

        The plot of the scene revolves around the revelation of Junie's presence, which disrupts the intimate moment between Maggie and Leah. This leads to a confrontation and sets up the resolution of the love triangle. The plot is engaging and keeps the audience invested in the characters' emotional journey.

        Originality: 6

        The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the situation of a love triangle and the aftermath of a breakup are familiar, the specific dynamics and emotional depth of the characters add authenticity.


        Character Development

        Characters: 9

        The characters are well-developed and their emotions are portrayed convincingly. Leah's shock and trauma, Maggie's despair, and Junie's hurt and anger are all effectively conveyed. The characters' interactions and dialogue reveal their personalities and motivations.

        Character Changes: 8

        Leah experiences a significant change in this scene, moving from shock and trauma to a realization that she needs to move on. The scene sets up her character arc and the resolution of the love triangle.

        Internal Goal: 8

        Leah's internal goal in this scene is to come to terms with the end of her relationships with Maggie and Junie and find strength to move forward.

        External Goal: 7

        Leah's external goal in this scene is to send back a plate to Maggie and Junie, symbolizing the end of their relationship.


        Scene Elements

        Conflict Level: 9

        The conflict in the scene is intense and emotionally charged. The love triangle creates a sense of tension and the confrontation between the characters escalates the conflict. The conflict is crucial in driving the plot and character development.

        Opposition: 7

        The opposition in this scene is strong, as Leah is faced with the emotional turmoil of her past relationships and the challenges of moving forward.

        High Stakes: 8

        The stakes are high in this scene as the characters' emotions and relationships are at risk. The resolution of the love triangle will have a significant impact on their lives.

        Story Forward: 9

        The scene moves the story forward by revealing Junie's presence and the impact it has on the characters. It sets up the resolution of the love triangle and creates anticipation for the next scenes.

        Unpredictability: 7

        This scene is unpredictable because it introduces unexpected elements, such as the appearance of Junie and the emotional breakdown of Leah.

        Philosophical Conflict: 0

        There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.


        Audience Engagement

        Emotional Impact: 10

        The scene evokes strong emotions from the audience, ranging from desire and longing to shock and heartbreak. The intense emotions experienced by the characters are effectively conveyed, creating a powerful emotional impact.

        Dialogue: 9

        The dialogue is impactful and reveals the characters' inner thoughts and emotions. It effectively conveys the tension and conflict between the characters. The dialogue also provides insight into the characters' relationships and past history.

        Engagement: 9

        This scene is engaging because it presents a dramatic and emotionally charged moment in the characters' lives, with conflicts and tensions that capture the audience's attention.

        Pacing: 8

        The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by creating a sense of tension and emotional intensity, with moments of stillness and reflection.


        Technical Aspect

        Formatting: 9

        The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, with proper use of dialogue, action lines, and scene transitions.

        Structure: 8

        The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings and action lines.


        Critique
        • The scene starts off with a strong sense of tension and desire between Leah and Maggie, which is effectively conveyed through the description of their steps being heavy with unspoken desire and tension.
        • The use of the soft glow of the porch light to create a sense of intimacy in the darkness is a nice visual element that adds to the emotional tone of the scene.
        • The passionate kiss between Leah and Maggie is described well, with the intensity of the moment and the unspoken feelings being conveyed effectively.
        • The introduction of Junie as a shadowy figure at the end of the driveway adds a twist to the scene and raises the stakes for Leah and Maggie's relationship.
        • The moment of heart-wrenching realization for Leah when she recognizes Junie in the shadows is a powerful moment that adds depth to the conflict between the characters.
        • The tension between Maggie and Junie is effectively conveyed through their locked eyes and the thick tension in the air.
        • Leah's overwhelming emotions are effectively portrayed when she slides down to the floor and wraps her arms around her legs, feeling crushed by the weight of the situation.
        • The transition to Leah's apartment and the introduction of Gab and Madison adds a new dynamic to the scene and allows for further exploration of Leah's emotional state.
        • The dialogue between Madison and Gab, particularly Madison's frustration and Leah's emotional detachment, adds to the conflict and tension in the scene.
        • Leah's fixation on the plate and her emotional detachment are effectively conveyed through her blank stare and lack of response to Madison's comments.
        • The dialogue between Gab and Madison, particularly Gab's attempts to snap Leah out of her emotional state, adds depth to their relationship and highlights their concern for Leah.
        • Leah's eventual agreement to focus on moving forward shows a glimmer of hope and potential growth for her character.
        • The transition to the funeral home and Leah's encounter with Carter adds a poignant moment of reflection and remorse for Leah.
        • Leah's abrupt departure from the funeral home and her visit to Nate's house adds a sense of mystery and raises questions about her actions and motivations.
        • The final phone call between Gab and their mom adds a sense of urgency and concern, setting up the next scene and leaving the reader wanting to know what happens next.
        Suggestions
        • Consider adding more internal thoughts and emotions for Leah throughout the scene to further develop her character and provide insight into her motivations and struggles.
        • Explore the dynamic between Leah, Maggie, and Junie further to deepen the conflict and tension between them.
        • Consider adding more visual and sensory details to enhance the atmosphere and emotional impact of the scene.
        • Further develop the relationship between Leah and Gab to provide a stronger support system for Leah and add depth to their bond.
        • Consider adding more dialogue and interaction between Leah and Maggie to explore their complicated relationship and the unresolved tension between them.
        • Provide more context and backstory for the plate and its significance to Leah, Maggie, and Junie to add depth and meaning to the scene.
        • Consider adding more moments of vulnerability and emotional depth for Leah to further explore her internal struggle and growth.
        • Further explore the themes of love, loss, and forgiveness in the scene to add depth and resonance to the characters' journeys.
        • Consider adding more foreshadowing and hints about Leah's actions and motivations throughout the scene to build suspense and intrigue.
        • Provide more resolution and closure for the conflicts and tensions introduced in the scene to satisfy the reader's curiosity and provide a satisfying conclusion.



        Scene 19 -  Leah's Journey to Recovery
        INT.EXT KNAPP STREET AND AVENUE W - LEAH'S CAR - NIGHT
        Leah's eyes remain fixed on Junie's and Maggie's home, now
        adorned with a new white picket fence. Soft, warm light
        spills from their living room, casting a melancholic glow on
        the facade.
        A knock on the passenger door window interrupts her stare.
        Leah unlocks the door, Gab enters. The street is dimly lit,
        and the car's interior is filled with shadows.
        Gab slides into the seat, shutting the door behind her. The
        car's dashboard light faintly illuminates the loaded syringe,
        a glint of despair on Leah's face.
        102.

        GAB (CONT'D)
        Gonna drop it if off after the wake,
        huh?
        LEAH
        (Staring ahead)
        You know they got a puppy.
        GAB
        You know these two belong in Barnum
        and Bailey, right?
        Leah ignores Gab and continues to stare.
        GAB (CONT'D)
        Why do you torture yourself and
        watch this?
        LEAH
        It's not torture, it's comfort.
        GAB
        They don't even care about you. You
        need to help me understand.
        (Frustration building)
        At least fight! Go knock on the
        door and try, try to fuckin' talk
        to them. If they mean so God damn
        much. But sitting here like this!?
        Gab picks up the hypodermic needle.
        GAB (CONT'D)
        (Yelling)
        With this shit? You have come to
        fucking far to go back. Look at me!
        Leah turns her head to Gab.
        GAB (CONT'D)
        Leah, did you use any of this?
        Leah ignores her and turns her head back to the house. Gab
        places the needle in her pocket. She pulls out her phone, holds
        it up to Leah's face, showing her a picture of their family.
        GAB (CONT'D)
        (Yelling)
        Look at this!
        Leah turns her head away. Gab forcefully puts the phone back
        in Leah's face.
        103.

        GAB (CONT'D)
        Fucking look! Everyone is waiting
        for you, everyone who loves you
        Leah, so fucking much. What about
        us!? Don't you love us!?
        Gab points to Junie's apartment.
        GAB (CONT'D)
        Do you want to continue to sit here
        and watch the fucking Titanic or do
        you want to go be with us? We
        fuckin' need you!
        (Pause)
        Are you fucking hearing me!?
        Leah finally breaks. She screams, cries and punches the
        steering wheel. Gab watches with compassion as Leah melts
        down.

        INT. DEBBIE'S HOME - FRONT ENTRYWAY - NIGHT
        Leah walks into the house, Gab by her side. They find Debbie
        and Madison, both with puffy eyes. The family gathers, and
        Leah is enveloped in a tearful embrace.
        LEAH
        (Crying)
        I'm so sorry. I love you.
        Leah's sisters and mother continue to hold her tightly.

        INT. DEER PARK TATTOO - DAY
        Leah sits in the tattoo chair. The TATTOO ARTIST prepares the
        equipment for the upcoming session. The buzzing sound fills
        the room as the needle begins its work on Leah's wrist,
        creating a delicate design of three small birds.
        TATTOO ARTIST
        (While tattooing)
        So, what's the meaning behind a
        Halcyon bird?
        LEAH
        Calm and peaceful days.
        The Tattoo Artist pauses for a moment, glances at Leah.
        TATTOO ARTIST
        (With a hint of
        skepticism)
        (MORE)
        104.
        TATTOO ARTIST (CONT'D)
        Well, are they... calm and
        peaceful?
        Leah's smirk hints at a deeper understanding.

        INT. N.A. MEETING - NIGHT
        The meeting room is filled with members. Leah's family sits
        in the front row. Leah stands confidently at the front of the
        room, holding a coin in her hand.
        Her gaze is fixed upon the coin. Leah takes a deep breath,
        the room grows silent, all eyes on her.
        LEAH
        You know, when I entered these rooms,
        I thought you all were a bunch of
        bat-shit crazy cult members.
        (Pause)
        And I still do.
        A ripple of laughter spreads through the room.
        LEAH (CONT'D)
        Lately, I've been thinking a lot about
        the beginning, when I walked through
        these doors. It feels like a whole
        other lifetime... because it was.
        (reflective pause)
        I’ve been asked often how I managed
        to stop.
        (She glances at Gab,
        sharing a silent
        emotional moment, then
        addresses the audience)
        Someone once told me that pain is
        the biggest catalyst for change.
        Nothing resonates truer with me.
        (Leah's eyes sweep across
        the room)
        For those new faces here, feeling that
        pain, wanting to give up as I once did
        My advice? Think of that one thing that
        keeps you going. Find your motivation
        to just try one more day. For me, it
        was the ones I love unconditionally.
        Leah's eyes well up with tears as she turns her gaze to her
        family and two empty chairs at the end of the front row.
        105.

        LEAH (CONT'D)
        (Voice quivering)
        Thank you for being my reason to keep
        going. I couldn't have done it without
        you.
        Leah composes herself and looks back at the crowd.
        LEAH (CONT'D)
        Also, you beautiful bat-shit crazy
        cult members, you helped too.
        (light laughter echoes in
        the room)
        Don't knock the Kool-Aid until
        you've tried it.
        Leah looks at the coin and grasps it tightly. Smiles and
        shakes her head in disbelief.
        LEAH (CONT'D)
        I can't believe I'm fucking saying
        this... It works if you work it.
        Leah looks back at the crowd. A whirlwind of emotion bumbling
        under the surface but pride being the most prevalent.
        The crowd erupt into applause, Leah’s family visibly
        emotional and proud.

        EXT. N.A. MEETING - PARKING LOT - CONTINUOUS
        The night air is filled with a sense of relief and
        accomplishment. Leah, her family, and other NA members stand
        outside the meeting place.
        GAB
        Let's all go and celebrate! Le, what's
        the name of that place where you went
        crazy for their chicken parm?
        A bittersweet smile crosses Leah's face.

        INT. VINCENT'S CLAM BAR - DAY
        The atmosphere in Vincent's Clam Bar is filled with the
        clinking of glasses, laughter, and the savory aroma of
        delicious food. Leah and her family, along with other members
        of the NA community, gather closely around a long table.
        A friendly WAITER stands on the other side of the table,
        ready to take the perfect group photo with a phone.
        106.

        WAITER
        Alright, say cheese!
        Everyone in unison says "CHEESE."
        JUMP CUT TO:
        The group is comfortably seated, sharing smiles and
        camaraderie. Leah sits between her sisters, they all gaze at
        the photo just taken on Leah's phone.
        GAB
        What no sweatshirt tonight?
        LEAH
        (Smirking)
        It's in the car.
        The two share a knowing smile.
        Leah sets her phone aside, a moment of nostalgia creeping in as she
        gazes around the table. Her smile momentarily fades as her eyes
        land on the spot where she and Junie sat years ago.
        GAB
        Hey, you okay?
        LEAH
        Yeah, I'm good.
        Gab analyzes Leah, still concerned.
        GAB
        Want some company tonight in the
        belt parkway traffic?
        Leah chuckles, appreciating the gesture.
        MADISON
        Hey where are you bitches going
        without me!? I want in.
        Leah and Gab exchange a knowing look.
        GAB
        No smoking in the car, assholes.
        Genres: ["Drama"]

        Summary Leah's struggle with addiction and obsession with Junie and Maggie comes to a head as she has a tense conversation with Gab in her car. Gab pleads with Leah to choose her family over her addiction, leading Leah to finally break down and accept their love and support. She enters Debbie's home where her family embraces her, and later gets a tattoo symbolizing her commitment to staying clean. Leah gives a heartfelt speech at an N.A. meeting about finding motivation to stay clean. The scene ends with Leah and her family celebrating at Vincent's Clam Bar.
        Strengths
        • Powerful emotional journey of the protagonist
        • Impactful dialogue
        • Effective exploration of themes
        • Strong character development
        • Memorable moments of redemption and acceptance
        Weaknesses

          Ratings
          Overall

          Overall: 9

          The scene effectively portrays the emotional journey of the protagonist, highlighting her internal conflict and ultimate transformation. The dialogue is impactful and the themes of love, redemption, and perseverance are well-executed.


          Story Content

          Concept: 8

          The concept of a character battling addiction and finding redemption through love and support is a familiar but well-executed theme. The scene effectively explores the internal struggle and growth of the protagonist.

          Plot: 8

          The plot of the scene revolves around the protagonist's internal conflict and her decision to choose love and support over addiction. The pacing is well-maintained, and the scene moves the story forward by showcasing the protagonist's transformation.

          Originality: 8

          This scene demonstrates a level of originality through its authentic portrayal of the struggles and emotions experienced by individuals in recovery. The dialogue feels genuine and the actions of the characters reflect the complexities of their relationships.


          Character Development

          Characters: 9

          The characters are well-developed and their emotions and motivations are effectively portrayed. The protagonist's journey from despair to redemption is particularly compelling, and the supporting characters provide strong emotional support.

          Character Changes: 9

          The protagonist undergoes a significant character change, transitioning from a state of despair and addiction to one of acceptance and determination. Her emotional journey is well-portrayed and believable.

          Internal Goal: 8

          The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to find comfort in watching Junie and Maggie's home, despite the pain it may bring. This reflects Leah's deeper need for solace and a sense of belonging.

          External Goal: 7

          The protagonist's external goal in this scene is not explicitly stated, but it can be inferred that Leah's immediate challenge is to resist the temptation of using drugs again. This reflects the external circumstances she is facing in her recovery journey.


          Scene Elements

          Conflict Level: 7

          The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, as the protagonist battles her addiction and struggles with her emotions. The conflict between the protagonist and Gab adds tension and highlights the stakes involved.

          Opposition: 7

          The opposition in this scene is strong as Gab challenges Leah's beliefs and urges her to take action. The audience is left uncertain about how Leah will respond to this opposition.

          High Stakes: 7

          The stakes in the scene are primarily emotional, as the protagonist's relationships and her own well-being are at risk. The decision she makes has significant consequences for her future.

          Story Forward: 8

          The scene moves the story forward by showcasing the protagonist's transformation and her decision to choose love and support over addiction. It sets up the resolution of the story and provides closure to the character arc.

          Unpredictability: 7

          This scene is unpredictable because it presents unexpected moments of emotional outbursts and reveals the protagonist's internal struggles in a surprising manner.

          Philosophical Conflict: 7

          There is a philosophical conflict evident in this scene between Leah's desire for comfort and her friend Gab's belief that she should fight and try to reconnect with Junie and Maggie. This challenges Leah's belief that finding comfort in watching their home is enough.


          Audience Engagement

          Emotional Impact: 10

          The scene evokes strong emotions, ranging from sadness and frustration to hope and pride. The protagonist's breakdown and subsequent redemption are emotionally impactful and resonate with the audience.

          Dialogue: 9

          The dialogue is impactful and effectively conveys the emotions and conflicts of the characters. The conversations between the protagonist and her sister, Gab, are particularly powerful and showcase the depth of their relationship.

          Engagement: 9

          This scene is engaging because it presents a compelling conflict between the protagonist's internal and external goals, and it elicits emotional responses from the audience through its raw and intense dialogue.

          Pacing: 8

          The pacing of this scene contributes to its effectiveness by allowing moments of tension and emotional intensity to build up, and then providing moments of release and resolution.


          Technical Aspect

          Formatting: 9

          The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It includes clear scene headings, character names, dialogue, and action descriptions.

          Structure: 8

          The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It effectively establishes the setting, introduces the characters, and develops the conflict and resolution.


          Critique
          • The scene starts with a strong visual description of Leah fixated on Junie and Maggie's home, creating a sense of longing and melancholy.
          • The dialogue between Leah and Gab effectively conveys the tension and frustration in their relationship.
          • The use of the loaded syringe as a visual element adds to the intensity and despair of the scene.
          • Leah's breakdown and scream show the depth of her emotions and the internal struggle she is facing.
          • The transition to Leah entering Debbie's home and being embraced by her family is a powerful moment of support and love.
          • The tattoo scene adds a symbolic element to Leah's journey and her commitment to change.
          • Leah's speech at the N.A. meeting is heartfelt and inspiring, showing her growth and determination.
          • The final scene at Vincent's Clam Bar brings a sense of closure and celebration to Leah's journey.
          • Overall, the scene effectively portrays Leah's struggle with addiction, her family's support, and her journey towards recovery.
          Suggestions
          • Consider adding more specific details to the visual descriptions to enhance the atmosphere and emotions of the scene.
          • Explore the possibility of incorporating more subtext and non-verbal communication between Leah and Gab to deepen their relationship and conflicts.
          • Consider adding more internal thoughts and reflections from Leah to provide insight into her mindset and struggles.
          • Experiment with the pacing of the scene to create more tension and build-up towards Leah's breakdown.
          • Consider adding more moments of vulnerability and emotional depth to Leah's interactions with her family to further highlight their support and love.
          • Explore the use of symbolism and metaphors throughout the scene to enhance the themes of addiction, recovery, and family.
          • Consider adding more sensory details to the N.A. meeting scene to immerse the reader in the atmosphere and emotions of the moment.
          • Experiment with the structure of the scene to create a stronger narrative arc and build towards a more impactful climax.
          • Consider adding more moments of conflict and resolution within the scene to further explore Leah's journey and growth.



          Scene 20 -  Love and Reflection
          INT. BROOKLYN, NY - KNAPP STREET AND AVENUE W. - LEAH'S CAR -
          LATER
          Leah sits in the driver's seat, now wearing Junie’s sweatshirt.
          Gab in the passenger seat, and Madison in the back.
          107.

          Random music plays through the car speakers, creating a melodic
          backdrop to their conversation.
          MADISON
          So, this is what you do?
          Lean nods her head yes as she stares ahead at Junie and
          Maggie's place.
          MADISON (CONT'D)
          I'm going to assume you never heard
          from them again.
          Leah smiles with sadness prevalent in her eyes and nods her
          head no.
          GAB
          You ever going to explain this to us?
          LEAH
          Explain what?
          GAB
          After all this time you still care
          so much about people, from where
          I'm sitting, don't seem to care
          much about you.
          A beat as Leah absorbs the question. She turns to Gab.
          LEAH
          Do you know why I didn't put that
          needle in my arm the last time we
          were here? Cause I promised them I
          wouldn't use again.
          Leah's attention turns back to the house.
          LEAH (CONT'D)
          And because the two of them wouldn’t
          survive, me not surviving. I've had an
          amazing fucking life with some of the
          most incredible fucking experiences.
          Don't you see, they have always been my
          motivation... weather it was my love
          for them, my hatred for them or my
          desire to survive purely to spite them.
          They are always what's kept me going.
          Their opinion? Doesn't concern me. You
          can love without there being a reason
          to love because it's a state of being.
          I love them. That's all that's ever
          really mattered.
          108.

          Gab and Madison nod at Leah empathetically. Madison puts her
          hand on Leah's shoulder. Then they resume the silent vigil of
          Junie and Maggie's home.
          The opening strains of "You Are What You Love" by Jenny Lewis
          waft in. Leah's eyes recognizing the track, reaching to turn
          the volume up. A chuckle escapes her.
          MADISON
          What? What's so fucking funny?
          Gab and Madison look at each other confused. Leah turns on
          the engine, put the car in drive, and drives off Avenue W.
          The voices of the Oliverio sisters fade in the distance.
          MADISON (V.O) (CONT'D)
          You're so fucking weird.
          GAB (V.O)
          And what the fuck are you listening
          to? This song is terrible.
          Leah laughs harder, a sense of newfound freedom and lightness
          in her spirit.

          INT. JUNIE AND MAGGIE'S APARTMENT - SPARE ROOM - NIGHT
          The room is cluttered with remnants of a time gone by: worn
          out furniture; an aged dresser. Junie’s gaze locks onto the
          dilapidated piece.
          Her mission: To restore its beauty. Maggie, her pregnancy
          evident, watches Junie from the doorway.
          MAGGIE
          (Eying the dresser)
          This ugly thing?
          JUNIE
          You'll see. I'm going to make it
          perfect for her.
          Maggie nods her head and walks out of the room, leaving Junie
          to her project. Junie opens the top drawer of the dresser,
          intending to start cleaning it out.
          As she sifts through the items, her fingers come across a folded
          piece of paper. Junie unfolds it, revealing its contents:
          "Jenny Lewis and the Watson Twins Set list. October 12th, 2006"
          109.

          Junie pauses, a warm smile gracing her face. She rubs her
          Halcyon tattoo with her thumb, a mix of poignant emotions
          crossing her expression.

          INT. JUNIE AND MAGGIE'S APARTMENT - BEDROOM - LATER
          Maggie is in bed, the swell of pregnancy making her movements
          more deliberate. Junie slides under the covers, the intimacy
          tangible.
          MAGGIE
          How did it go?
          JUNIE
          It's a start... Ready?
          Maggie retrieves two bowls of ice cream from the side table.
          Their ritual deepening their connection.
          Their spoons hover above their bowls. Then, with a subtle
          nod, their spoons tap against the surface—once, twice,
          thrice, and finally, a fourth time.
          CUT TO BLACK
          "You Are What You Love" permeates the silence as the credits
          roll.
          Genres: ["Drama"]

          Summary Leah, Gab, and Madison sit in Leah's car outside Junie and Maggie's place, discussing Leah's motivation for staying clean and her love for Junie and Maggie. They listen to music and drive off. In a separate scene, Junie finds a setlist from a Jenny Lewis concert and shares ice cream with Maggie, creating a moment of intimacy. The scene ends with Junie and Maggie sharing ice cream in bed while the song 'You Are What You Love' plays and the credits roll.
          Strengths
          • Emotional depth
          • Impactful dialogue
          • Closure
          Weaknesses
          • Limited external conflict

          Ratings
          Overall

          Overall: 9

          The scene effectively conveys the protagonist's emotional journey and provides closure to her relationship with her friends. The dialogue is impactful and reveals the depth of the character's emotions.


          Story Content

          Concept: 8

          The concept of finding closure and the power of love and friendship is well-executed in the scene.

          Plot: 7

          The plot in this scene focuses on the protagonist's emotional journey and her decision to move forward with her life.

          Originality: 6

          The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the situation of characters discussing their relationships and motivations is familiar, the specific dynamics and emotions portrayed feel authentic and unique. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


          Character Development

          Characters: 9

          The characters are well-developed and their emotions are conveyed effectively through their dialogue and actions.

          Character Changes: 8

          The protagonist undergoes a significant emotional change as she reflects on her past and finds closure.

          Internal Goal: 8

          The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to express her love and loyalty towards Junie and Maggie, despite their complicated relationship. This reflects her deeper need for connection and her desire to find meaning and purpose in her life.

          External Goal: 7

          The protagonist's external goal in this scene is not explicitly stated. However, it can be inferred that she wants to maintain her sobriety and continue living a fulfilling life.


          Scene Elements

          Conflict Level: 4

          The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, as the protagonist reflects on her past and her relationships.

          Opposition: 6

          The opposition in this scene is not strong. While there is a slight conflict between the protagonist and her friends regarding her motivations, it is quickly resolved and does not create significant obstacles or tension.

          High Stakes: 3

          The stakes in the scene are primarily emotional, as the protagonist confronts her past and finds closure.

          Story Forward: 6

          The scene provides closure to the protagonist's relationship with her friends and sets the stage for her future growth.

          Unpredictability: 7

          This scene is unpredictable because it reveals unexpected emotions and motivations of the characters. The protagonist's response to her friends' skepticism and her explanation for her actions are surprising and add depth to the scene.

          Philosophical Conflict: 7

          There is a philosophical conflict evident in this scene between the protagonist's belief in the power of love and her friends' skepticism towards her motivations. This challenges the protagonist's values and worldview, as she defends her choices and asserts that love is enough of a reason to care.


          Audience Engagement

          Emotional Impact: 9

          The scene evokes strong emotions and provides a sense of closure and hope for the protagonist.

          Dialogue: 9

          The dialogue is impactful and reveals the depth of the characters' emotions and their relationships.

          Engagement: 9

          This scene is engaging because it delves into the characters' emotions and motivations, creating a sense of empathy and connection. The dialogue is compelling and reveals important aspects of the characters' relationships and personal journeys.

          Pacing: 8

          The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by allowing the emotional moments to breathe and resonate with the audience. The rhythm of the dialogue and the pauses create a sense of tension and anticipation.


          Technical Aspect

          Formatting: 9

          The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. The scene headings, character names, and dialogue are properly formatted. The scene is easy to read and understand.

          Structure: 8

          The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It begins with an establishing shot and then focuses on the characters' dialogue and actions. The scene has a clear beginning, middle, and end, with a transition to a different location.


          Critique
          • The scene starts off with Leah sitting in the driver's seat, now wearing Junie's sweatshirt. This detail adds a visual element that helps to establish Leah's connection to Junie and Maggie.
          • The use of random music playing through the car speakers creates a melodic backdrop to their conversation, adding to the emotional tone of the scene.
          • Madison's assumption that Leah never heard from Junie and Maggie again after their previous encounter adds a layer of sadness and longing to Leah's character.
          • Leah's explanation of why she didn't use drugs again, because she promised Junie and Maggie, adds depth to her character and shows her commitment to them.
          • Leah's realization that her love for Junie and Maggie has always been her motivation is a powerful moment that showcases her growth and self-awareness.
          • The use of the song 'You Are What You Love' by Jenny Lewis adds a poignant and reflective tone to the scene.
          • The transition to Junie and Maggie's apartment and their interaction in the spare room adds a sense of intimacy and domesticity to their relationship.
          • Junie's mission to restore the dresser and make it perfect for her partner shows her love and dedication.
          • The discovery of the setlist from the Jenny Lewis concert adds a nostalgic and sentimental element to Junie's character.
          • The scene ends with Junie and Maggie sharing ice cream in bed, which symbolizes their connection and intimacy.
          • The use of the song 'You Are What You Love' during the credits reinforces the emotional tone of the scene and leaves a lasting impression on the audience.
          Suggestions
          • Consider adding more visual elements and actions to enhance the visual storytelling of the scene.
          • Explore opportunities to further develop Madison and Gab's characters and their relationship with Leah.
          • Consider adding more dialogue that reveals Junie and Maggie's thoughts and feelings about their relationship and the future.
          • Experiment with different song choices to find one that best complements the emotional tone of the scene.
          • Consider adding more moments of vulnerability and emotional depth to Leah's character to further explore her growth and self-awareness.
          • Explore ways to further develop Junie and Maggie's relationship and their individual journeys.
          • Consider adding more moments of conflict and tension to create a more dynamic and engaging scene.
          • Experiment with different ways to end the scene that leave a stronger impact on the audience.
          • Consider adding more visual and sensory details to immerse the audience in the setting and atmosphere of the scene.