A mid-nineteenth century circus unfurls. Colorful tents rise
against the blue sky, where laughter and gasps mingle in the
air. We catch fleeting glimpses of the attractions: a MAN
SWALLOWING FIRE, a BEARDED WOMAN casting a playful wink,
LITTLE PEOPLE JOUSTING on ELEPHANTS, and more.
We focus on a grand stage facing a sea of eager faces. JAKE,
(31, 6’4), looks dapper in his RINGMASTER outfit as he is
lowered onto the stage by CORDS, Peter Pan style, while a
DRUMROLL echoes, igniting WILD APPLAUSE from the audience. He
silences the crowd with a thrash of his hand.
JAKE
Save your applause, ladies and
gentlemen. Please. Save as much of
it as you can, because believe me,
I have seen aberrations that defy
the laws of God and science, but no
other oddity or freak of nature
could have prepared me for what you
are about to witness. I present to
you the unholy offspring of angel
and neanderthal... When I found
this man, in Nova Scotia, he was
tipping the bilge water out of a
ship... Do not be fooled ladies and
gentlemen, the creature you see
here today is no more than a man,
no, but simply put, he is the very
most of Man. Today, I give you the
one they call... The King of Men.
An orchestra starts playing “ALSO SPRACH ZARATHUSTRA.” As the
music swells, a bright light blazes behind a curtain,
revealing the silhouette of something that looks like it
could wrestle God. The music swells again and the curtain
drops, revealing ANGUS MACASKILL, 31, impossibly tall,
inhumanly broad, with rippling forearms, biceps, quads,
etc... Hair covers most of his chest. A warm, pained smile
graces his handsome face. The crowd goes deathly silent. Then
erupts— gasping, clapping, a wave of energy.
As the music continues to build, Angus steps forward,
effortlessly lifting Jake up under the armpits and raising
him high like a rag doll.
Angus playfully throws Jake up and down like a toddler. Jake
grins from ear to ear and kicks out his feet with glee as his
eyes start to well up with joy.
Genres:
["Drama","Historical","Fantasy"]
Ratings
Scene
2 -
Ties That Bind
INT. DRESSING ROOM- 2025- DAY
Jake is still lost in the daydream, still lovingly fixed on
his mental image of Angus as the music reaches it’s final
crescendo. Except he’s not at a mid-nineteenth century
circus. Nor is he dressed like a ringmaster. He’s in a modern
dressing room, wearing a suit. SAM, (33, 5’8”, sharp tux) is
tying Jake’s tie for him and is mid-sentence about something.
SAM
...before we leave. It’ll be fun.
Jake’s eyes start to water. He hurriedly wipes them.
SAM (CONT’D)
Where did you just go?
JAKE
Zoned out... Nowhere... Sorry.
SAM
Were you thinking about Angus?
Jake doesn’t respond.
SAM (CONT’D)
Jakey... try to be fully present
today? Please?
JAKE
Mhm.
SAM
(referencing Jake’s head)
You already know I’m genuinely
jealous of how much fun you have in
there... If I spent that much time
in this brain?!
Sam finger gun blasts his brains out.
SAM (CONT’D)
But I need my brother out here
today, ok? Hang out with your
special interest tomorrow.
JAKE
Special interest? You wouldn’t
happen to be readin’ from the DSM-
5, would ya?
SAM
You know what I mean... Rebecca and
I aren’t asking for a lot.
(MORE)
SAM (CONT’D)
We’re letting you sit in the back
for the ceremony. But we want
funny, interesting Jake to show up
at the reception. Can you give us
that?
JAKE
When is the reception again?
SAM
6:00.
JAKE
Don’t know if I can stop being
autistic that fast.
Sam pauses for a second and then chuckles. Jake smiles.
Genres:
["Drama","Family"]
Ratings
Scene
3 -
A Photo of Tension
EXT. LAWN OUTSIDE BANQUET HALL- DAY
Sam is being held up sideways by his seven groomsmen. Jake is
standing at the edge of the group, sort of lending a hand to
help hold up Sam’s feet. VANESSA, (35, PHOTOGRAPHER) takes
the picture. They put Sam down.
VANESSA
Can we do one silly one?
The groomsmen put on a mildly silly face or put bunny ears
behind the groom’s head. Jake pushes both his lips up and
into his gums so that they stick, baring his teeth and gum
line. Vanessa takes the picture.
VANESSA (CONT’D)
Ok great... And then, last one I
think. We need Sam and Jake... Real
quick, guys?
SAM
Jakey’s taken enough pics today.
JAKE
I don’t mind.
Sam begrudgingly nods.
SAM
Let’s do it.
Jake notices that Sam seems a little uncomfortable.
Jake puts his hand around Sam’s opposite shoulder. He notices
Sam subtly straightening upward to be as tall as he can
possibly be. Jake pauses to think for a second, then bends at
the knees to make himself Sam’s height. He’s genuinely
surprised when he hears laughter from groomsmen and
bridesmaids alike. Sam reflexively laughs along.
VANESSA
Why don’t we try that again.
JAKE
Was it not...
Jake references chest height.
SAM
(under his breath)
Fuck you.
JAKE
Sorry...
She takes the picture again. People start to disperse. Two
BRIDESMAIDS, LUCY AND RACHEL, (early 30’s) both give Jake
lingering glances. He doesn’t notice. They notice each other
both staring at him and laugh.
Sam has a bit of venom in his stare as he watches Jake walk
away.
Genres:
["Drama","Romance","Comedy"]
Ratings
Scene
4 -
Vows and Distractions
EXT. LAWN OUTSIDE BANQUET HALL- AFTERNOON
The ceremony is underway. Sam is looking distracted, standing
at the alter across from the BRIDE, REBECCA, (31, 5’8), who
is holding a microphone, reciting her vows.
REBECCA
...the way you show up for your
friends, your parents, your
colleagues at work... the amazing
ways you show up for your
brother...
During her vows, Sam keeps subtly straightening upward,
struggling to gain a fraction of an inch over his eye-level
bride.
Jake sits on the toilet, pants ON, playing DOODLE JUMP on his
phone. We can hear Rebecca’s amplified words through the
wall.
REBECCA (O.S.)
...never ceases to amaze me. Your
character shines through in every
aspect of your...
Genres:
["Drama","Romance"]
Ratings
Scene
5 -
Heightened Connections
EXT. LAWN OUTSIDE BANQUET HALL- DUSK
The reception is underway. The sounds of laughter and chatter
abound. Jake stands in front of the hors d’oeurve table by
himself, TEQUILA SUNRISE in hand, snacking on prosciutto.
Suddenly, Lucy the bridesmaid interjects. She’s holding a
glass of champagne. We can kinda tell she’s had at least a
few.
LUCY
Hi...
JAKE
Hi.
LUCY
So this is kind of embarrassing,
but my friend and I were debating
about your height... Please tell me
you’re 6’4.
JAKE
Not quite.
LUCY
You’re 6’3?!
JAKE
I’m 6’3 and seven-eighths.
Pause.
LUCY
...Gotcha... I was close... You’re
Sam’s brother right?
JAKE
Indeed.
LUCY
I’m Lucy! I’ve been friends with
Rebecca for forever... How come I
didn’t see you at the ceremony?
JAKE
I’m not a huge fan of crowds. I get
stressed out in spaces where I
can’t go like this.
Jake does a unique little wiggle with his whole body.
LUCY
...I see. That’s cool. I mean,
like, yeah... that’s totally makes
sense. Haha... Anyway, I’m not
supposed to tell you this, but, my
friend thinks you’re kinda cute,
so... thought you should know.
JAKE
Thank you so much I really
appreciate that.
LUCY
...Do you wanna come say hi?
JAKE
Yeah... Absolutely.
Lucy leads Jake back towards Rachel, (5’10) also holding a
glass of champagne, also not her first. We hear Jake’s heart
THUMPING LOUDLY.
LUCY
Jake, this is Rachel.
JAKE
Sup, Rachel.
RACHEL
Ha. Sup... So what’s the verdict?
JAKE
I’m uh... 6’4.
RACHEL
Fuck. Ok. I have to do another
shot.
LUCY
(to Jake)
Don’t worry though. That’s right in
Rachel’s range.
RACHEL
Honestly, at this point, as long as
a guy is taller than me, I’m good.
JAKE
What if a guy was 7’10”? Would you
still be good?
Rachel is a bit confused.
RACHEL
...I’m gonna say no because I feel
like he wouldn’t be healthy.
Jake lights up.
JAKE
Ok... fun fact... there was a
circus performer from Scotland in
the 1850s that was 7’9.” His name
was Angus MacAskill. And reportedly
he was completely healthy.
RACHEL
...Wow.
JAKE
There’s an exact life size statue
of him in Scotland...
Jake pulls out his PHONE and shows them his HOME SCREEN. It’s
a picture of the Angus MacAskill statue.
JAKE (CONT’D)
There he is. Look at that fucker.
What an absolute unit.
RACHEL
Yeah wow.
JAKE
Those are his real clothes on there
by the way. The statue is sculpted
to his confirmed measurements from
when he was alive. He also remains
to this day, the strongest man who
ever lived.
RACHEL
...Wow.
For a while no one says anything. He points to the mostly
full Tequila Sunrise in his hand.
JAKE
Well, I think I’m gonna go grab
another one of these guys.
LUCY
Go for it.
Once he’s gone they look at each other and laugh.
Genres:
["Comedy","Romance"]
Ratings
Scene
6 -
Unexpected Giants
INT. BATHROOM STALL INSIDE BANQUET HALL- MINUTES LATER
Jake sits on the toilet, once again with his pants ON,
playing DOODLE JUMP on his phone and sipping on his Tequila
Sunrise. The distant sounds of music, laughter, and chatter
spill through the walls.
The sound of NOTICEABLY HEAVY FOOTSTEPS comes into the
bathroom. Out of the corner of his eye, Jake sees TWO
IMPOSSIBLY LARGE FEET walk up to the urinal next to his
stall. Jake cannot believe the absurd size of these feet.
What follows is AN IMPOSSIBLY DEEP AND POWERFUL SOUNDING
PISS. Jake is increasingly amazed as the stream reverberates
through the restroom like thunder. At it’s apex it sounds
like a firehose hitting an iron vault.
The stream finally subsides into a faint trickle before
petering out. Jake hears the sound of a giant zipper being
zipped, then the giant feet walk out of the bathroom with
more heavy footsteps.
Jake grins like he’s just seen an old friend.
Genres:
["Comedy","Drama"]
Ratings
Scene
7 -
Unexpected Revelations at the Banquet
EXT. LAWN OUTSIDE BANQUET HALL- NIGHT
Everyone is seated around tables as the bride and groom go
from table to table expressing their thanks.
Jake is sitting at a table with 5 much older family members.
He has the same grin, coupled with a vacant stare. His AUNT
SHERRY, 63, is talking to him.
AUNT SHERRY
...was already dead, so they had to
pull the whole thing out.
JAKE
...Uh huh.
AUNT SHERRY
Sorry honey, am I boring you?
JAKE
No, not at all! I’m sorry, Aunt
Sherry.
Sam and Rebecca approach. Sam is kinda drunk.
SAM
Heyyy how we doin’ over here?
The table cheers.
UNCLE TODD
There they are!
AUNT SHERRY
(to Rebecca)
You look so beautiful.
REBECCA
Thank you, Sherry, how’s your
tooth?
AUNT SHERRY
They had to take it out sweetie,
but I’m feeling much better.
REBECCA
I’m glad to hear that.
Sam playfully slugs Jake’s shoulder.
SAM
There’s my little giant...
(to the group, sarcastic)
Nobody panic... But someone at this
table has been accused of info-
dumping about Angus MacAskill to
Rebecca’s friends... Anybody wanna
confess?
The family members chuckle. Aunt Sherry playfully raises her
hand.
JAKE
It was organic.
Family members start laughing.
SAM
Jakey, rule of thumb for ya...
Women don’t find Angus MacAskill
interesting.
REBECCA
Sam...
SAM
(to Rebecca)
Do you find him interesting?
Honestly?
JAKE
Huh. Well, that’s interesting,
because... I haven’t told any of
you yet, but... there is this uh,
gal I’ve been seeing recently. And
she actually thinks Angus is
fascinating, so...
REBECCA
Wait, what?!
The family members are shocked.
SAM
...Real gal or imaginary?
JAKE
...You guys think I’m that unwell?
SAM
This is a lot of information,
Jakey. You’re telling us you have a
girlfriend... And she’s real... And
she thinks Angus MacAskill is
fascinating?... That’s all correct?
JAKE
That’s correct, yes. Should I say
it standing up?
SAM
...Na you’re good. You should bring
her to the housewarming party
though.
JAKE
...What housewarming party?
SAM
We talked about this today. Our
housewarming party before we leave
for the Maldives.
JAKE
Yeah, that sounds good.
SAM
...Yes?! As in you’re actually
gonna bring her?
JAKE
Mhm.
SAM
Wow Jakey. I’m excited to meet this
girl.
JAKE
Great. We’ll be there.
REBECCA
(to the table)
Well, thank you all so much for
coming! We gotta keep it moving.
Rebecca nudges Sam and they walk away. Jake keeps eating. He
looks worried.
Genres:
["Drama","Comedy"]
Ratings
Scene
8 -
Grocery Store Dilemmas
INT. TRADER JOE’S- DAY
Jake stands behind a register, bagging groceries in his
TRADER JOE’S UNIFORM AND NAME TAG. He has the exact same
expression of worry on his face as he mindlessly stuffs
groceries into a bag. Next to him, ringing the groceries up
is MAISLEY, 20, PURPLE DREADS, sassy ray of sunshine.
Across the register a CUSTOMER talks on the phone.
MAISLEY
Jake, sorry to interrupt... I think
you crushed this lady’s avocados.
Jake snaps back to reality.
JAKE
Oh... no, they’re ok.
He rearranges a few things in the bag. The customer looks a
bit concerned but keeps talking on the phone. Maisley keeps
ringing and Jake keeps bagging as they chat.
JAKE (CONT’D)
Maisley... question for ya... On
what number date with someone would
you say it becomes appropriate to
invite them to a party?
Maisley thinks about it for a second.
MAISLEY
Second date. At the earliest.
JAKE
That’s what ChatGPT said. And dates
are generally a couple days apart
right?
MAISLEY
I guess.
JAKE
That means I need to start dating
someone in the next...
He does a little mental math.
JAKE (CONT’D)
...Three or four hours.
MAISLEY
What’s the party?
JAKE
My brother and sister-in-law’s
housewarming party. I... shall we
say, unwisely told my brother that
I have a girlfriend, and now he
expects me to bring her to the
party, so...
MAISLEY
That’s why you need to start
dating? For big bro’s approval?
JAKE
That’s part of it.
Jake stops bagging to think about what he’s going to say.
JAKE (CONT’D)
I mean, the prospect of being fully
known and fully loved is pretty
appealing, but, I think that’s just
an instinct selected by evolution.
CUSTOMER 1
I’m really sorry. I’m actually in a
kind of a hurry...
MAISLEY
(to the customer)
Ma’am, we’re going as fast as we
can. I’m gonna have to ask you to
be patient.
The customer stands there with her arms crossed. Jake gets
back to bagging as Maisley continues ringing up items.
MAISLEY (CONT’D)
(to Jake)
In one of my psych classes I
learned that men without partners
are more than twice as likely to
develop schizophrenia.
JAKE
(to the customer)
Did you want the milk in the bag?
The customer nods her head. Jake carelessly sets the gallon
of milk on top of the other groceries in the bag.
JAKE (CONT’D)
(to Maisley)
Can someone be autistic and
schizophrenic? And just be stuck
having awkward interactions with
people that aren’t there?
CUSTOMER 1
Wait, where are my eggs?
She starts unpacking the bag. She pulls her hand up, covered
in YOLK.
JAKE
Oh, I’m sorry.
MAISLEY
Ma’am, I’ll go grab you some new
ones.
CUSTOMER 1
Terrific.
Maisley walks away. Jake stands there awkwardly.
JAKE
Last stop for the day?
CUSTOMER 1
What?
JAKE
Is this your last stop for the day?
Silence.
Genres:
["Comedy","Romance","Drama"]
Ratings
Scene
9 -
Matcha and Matchmaking
INT. TRADER JOE’S- LATER
Maisley stands idly by the register, sipping on MATCHA TEA.
Jake is going register to register, pushing a CLEANING CART
and collecting trash. He stops by Maisley’s register and
collects her mini trash can.
MAISLEY
Lol. Always on cleaning.
JAKE
The mates have decided I’m not
“cash register material.”
Maisley laughs just as she’s sipping on her MATCHA TEA. She
accidentally spits some onto the register.
MAISLEY
Sorry.
Jake wipes it with a PAPER TOWEL and gives Maisley a sassy
look.
JAKE
...Ok... Nother question, Maisley.
How does one typically go about
securing a first date these days?
MAISLEY
I met my girlfriend on Hinge...
Tall guys crush it on the apps.
JAKE
Right, but “works at a grocery
store” takes off about a foot and a
half.
MAISLEY
We can leave the job part blank...
JAKE
...Are you sure?
Maisley smiles.
MAISLEY
Phone.
He hands it over.
Genres:
["Romantic Comedy","Slice of Life"]
Ratings
Scene
10 -
Mopping Up Love
INT. TRADER JOE'S BATHROOM- DAY
The door is propped open. Jake is busy mopping. Puddles cover
the tile floor. Maisley lounges against the propped door,
engrossed in Jake’s phone.
MAISLEY
Ok. “I’m looking for...” blank.
JAKE
A plus-one for my brother’s
housewarming party.
Maisley starts typing.
MAISLEY
“Looking for my neurodivergent
queen.”
JAKE
No don’t put that.
MAISLEY
Why not?
JAKE
...Would you date someone with
purple dreads?
MAISLEY
...What does that mean.
He wheels the mop bucket out. Maisley follows.
JAKE
It means two negatives don’t
necessarily make a positive.
MAISLEY
...You don’t want to date an
autistic woman? Is that what you’re
trying to say?
JAKE
No... I’m trying to say...
Evolution is trying to squeeze me
out, Maisley...
MAISLEY
I thought we were looking for a
date to a party, not someone to
make offspring with... And I’m
still waiting to hear back on my
diagnosis, so... watch yourself.
Jake put the mop in the bucket, places the bucket back on the
cleaning cart, and wheels it into the adjacent bathroom. He
props the door open. Maisley goes in after him.
Genres:
["Comedy","Romance","Drama"]
Ratings
Scene
11 -
Bathroom Banter and Dating Dilemmas
INT. OTHER TRADER JOE’S BATHROOM- CONTINUOUS
Jake starts scrubbing the toilet. Maisley is still glued to
his phone.
MAISLEY
Ok, drinking alcohol: Never,
Sometimes, or Often?
JAKE
Often.
MAISLEY
Great... “Sometimes.” I geek out
on...
JAKE
Leave that one blank too.
MAISLEY
What was that big guy’s name again?
Your special interest?
JAKE
My “special interest?” No, my
special interest is trains
remember?
Maisley gives him a sassy look.
MAISLEY
That was the last prompt.
She offers back his phone.
JAKE
Do you find him interesting by the
way?
MAISLEY
Who?
JAKE
Angus Macaskill. I’ve described him
to you a couple times. Would you
say you consider him interesting?
MAISLEY
...Ummmm. Why?
Through the wall, Jake hears the SAME IMPOSSIBLY MIGHTY PISS
SOUND reverberating from the other bathroom he just mopped.
He starts listening.
JAKE
Do you hear that?
MAISLEY
Hear what?
Jake leans in, listening intently. Maisley looks at him like
he’s nuts.
MAISLEY (CONT’D)
Oh my God, it’s happening...
Jake’s phone BUZZES as the piss sound trickles off. He looks
at his phone and smiles.
MAISLEY (CONT’D)
Ooo! Lemme see!
Maisley grabs the phone and looks at Jake’s hinge match. Her
jaw drops. She starts typing.
JAKE
I don’t know this person, Maisley.
What are we supposed to talk about?
MAISLEY
Bro... Ask her how her day was and
go from there. It’s not hard.
His phone BUZZES again.
Jake looks at the phone and smiles again. He shows Maisley
the response. It’s a WINKY FACE EMOJI followed by a PHONE
NUMBER.
MAISLEY (CONT’D)
Jesus Christ, Jake. Do you realize
how easy your life could have been?
Jake rolls the mop bucket out of the bathroom.
JAKE
I try not to think about it.
After exiting the bathroom, Jake spots a trail of IMPOSSIBLY
LARGE WET SHOE PRINTS coming out of the bathroom he mopped
earlier. He follows them a little bit. They gradually
disappear. He looks up and sees nothing out of the ordinary
in the store, just customers browsing through the isles.
Everyone is within a normal size range. Jake grins again.
Genres:
["Comedy","Romance"]
Ratings
Scene
12 -
A Date with Angus
INT. BAR- NIGHT
Jake sits at a table by himself. We hear his heart THUMPING
LOUDLY. His phone tells him it’s 7:39. He tries out a few
different resting facial expressions. HALEY, 28, approaches
the table.
HALEY
Hi!
He stands up and offers a handshake.
JAKE
Hey! How was your day?
HALEY
Oh, um, it was pretty good! Nice to
meet you by the way...
JAKE
Right, sorry. Nice to meet you.
They sit down.
HALEY
All good... And it was mostly good,
to answer your question. I got
lunch with my friend from college,
and I got some interesting news
from my mom.
JAKE
Oh cool where’d you go to college?
HALEY
...Um, I went to Arizona State.
JAKE
Oh I bet that was fun.
Pause.
HALEY
Yeah. I enjoyed it.
A WAITRESS comes by with a FROZEN STRAWBERRY MARGARITA.
WAITRESS
Strawberry margarita...
She sets it down in front of Haley.
JAKE
Actually that’s mine.
WAITRESS
Oh, my mistake.
She slides the drink over to Jake.
WAITRESS (CONT’D)
(to Haley)
What can I get ya?
HALEY
Espresso martini?
WAITRESS
I’ll be right back.
The waitress walks away.
JAKE
Hell yeah. Little caffeine? The
night is young.
HALEY
How’s the strawberry marg?
She tries not to giggle.
JAKE
Exceptional. Does part of me wish I
had ordered something a little more
masculine? You bet. But... I’m not
a scotch guy.
HALEY
I like scotch.
JAKE
Well there ya go. We’re breakin’
barriers here...
She forces a giggle. Jake looks pleased with his banter.
HALEY
So what do you do?
JAKE
I do um... Trading.
HALEY
Love it. How’s trading.
JAKE
It’s great. No complaints.
HALEY
Great. Love that. What’s a day in
the life look like?
JAKE
Ummm...Lotta early mornings... Not
much to report, honestly.
Pause.
HALEY
...Gotcha. Lots of early
mornings...
JAKE
So what kind of stuff are you
passionate about?
HALEY
...Oh... um, hmmm. Good question.
I’m passionate about my friends.
I’m really passionate about
animals. And uh... I do roller
derby, like, I’m on a team, and we
play once a week. Super fun. I
don’t know. What about you? What
are you passionate about?
JAKE
Well... it might be too niche for a
first date.
HALEY
Oooo love that. What is it?
JAKE
Nah. My brother specifically told
me never talk to about it.
HALEY
Wow so serious.
JAKE
...Alright, you’re right. It is
pretty cool actually... Right now
I’m really passionate about a
circus performer from Scotland in
the 1850s named Angus MacAskill.
HALEY
Oh.
JAKE
He was a circus strongman. And
based on the descriptions we have
of his feats of strength, we can
assume that he was by far the
strongest human who ever lived.
HALEY
Wow.
She nods. Trying to look interested.
While Jake is talking, we see a MONTAGE OF ANGUS MACASKILL IN
THE 1850s. WE SEE HIM AS HE PERFORMS IMPOSSIBLE FEATS OF
STRENGTH, LIKE THROWING A 300 POUND MAN OVER A 10 FOOT
WOODPILE, LIFTING A FULL GROWN HORSE TO CHEST HEIGHT, HOLDING
250 POUND WEIGHTS AT ARMS LENGTH WITH ONLY TWO FINGERS EACH,
AND WALKING ON THE BEACH WITH A MASSIVE ANCHOR.
JAKE
Which is absolutely insane when you
break it down a little bit. The
strongest man of the 1850’s was
significantly stronger than the
strongest man today. Despite the
vast improvements that have been
made in training and diet. Like,
we’re talking about potentially the
greatest outlier of all time. And
somehow nobody knows about him.
HALEY
This is what your brother told you
never to talk about?
JAKE
He said women don’t find him
interesting. But... I don’t know...
I just think that’s a super
outdated mode of thought.
The WAITRESS returns with Haley’s drink.
WAITRESS
Espresso Martini for you. Can I get
you guys anything else?
HALEY
I think we’re all set.
WAITRESS
Great. I’ll be back with the check.
The waitress leaves. There’s a brief awkward pause.
JAKE
You ever play 20 questions?
HALEY
I have.
JAKE
Why don’t we give it a go?
HALEY
Sure. You first.
JAKE
Ok... What is the pound for pound
strongest animal in the animal
kingdom?
HALEY
Noo ask me something better than
that.
JAKE
Ok, sorry...
He takes a sip of his margarita and thinks hard.
JAKE (CONT’D)
Here’s one I’ve been thinking about
a ton recently. How weird would it
be if our teeth were flaccid but
got hard when we were hungry?
She sits there, dumbfounded.
HALEY
Ummmm... Hey, I’m so sorry to do
this but I think maybe we’re not a
match. I’m sorry. Yeah. And I do
have a friend’s show I need to get
to... I think I’m gonna call it a
night. Have a good night, though!
JAKE
Yeah, no worries. Have a good
night.
She gets up and leaves.
He sits alone, sipping on his strawberry margarita.
We see an IMPOSSIBLY LARGE HAND pull back the empty chair and
down sits AN IMPOSSIBLY LARGE MAN IN MID 19th CENTURY
CLOTHING. It’s ANGUS MACASKILL. The chair looks comically
small beneath him.
JAKE (CONT’D)
I’m screwed aren’t I?... It’s just
gonna be you and me.
Angus almost smiles.
JAKE (CONT’D)
I’m not ready to go home.
Angus smiles.
Genres:
["Romantic Comedy","Drama"]
Ratings
Scene
13 -
Under the Stars: A Conversation on Authenticity
EXT. GRIFFITH PARK HIKING TRAIL- NIGHT
There’s a tapestry of stars in the sky, casting a silvery
glow on the trail. No people in sight.
We hear nothing but the wind, until suddenly: Footsteps. Big
footsteps.
We see ANGUS’S GIANT FEET crunching the dirt beneath him.
We see Jake sitting on Angus Macaskill’s shoulders. Angus
holds Jake’s ankles as he strides steadily up the trail.
JAKE
...I worked you in too early. I
knew not to do that.
Angus speaks in an IMPOSSIBLY DEEP YET MELODIC VOICE. He has
a Scottish accent.
ANGUS MACASKILL
Ye were bein’ authentic lad.
There’s nay shame in speakin’ yer
mind.
JAKE
Is my brother right though? Like, I
can’t stop... pondering. If I was a
woman, would I still find you
fascinating?
ANGUS MACASKILL
Ye wouldn’t be you if you were a
woman. That would be some other
lass.
JAKE
Right, but like, you’re an
unparalleled marvel. Why does
gender have anything to do with it?
ANGUS MACASKILL
Couldn’t tell ye, laddie. Perhaps
ye just ought ta try findin’ the
lasses a bit more akin ta ye.
JAKE
More akin to me?
Angus doesn’t respond.
JAKE (CONT’D)
It’s easy to celebrate what makes
you different when you’re the
strongest man of all time. Being
different’s only worth it if you’re
extraordinary.
ANGUS MACASKILL
D’ya think I had any choice but to
be in the circus lad?
For a couple moments they walk in silence, broken only by the
soft chatter of nocturnal life.
JAKE
...Angus, did you die a virgin? I
know you were never married.
ANGUS MACASKILL
Aye, laddy. I did.
JAKE
I’m sorry.
ANGUS MACASKILL
There were lasses in my day that
would’ave, but... only outta
curiosity I s’pose... And ye then?
Are ye a virgin, Jake?
JAKE
No. I’ve had sex with 15 women. But
I’ve only had sex 17 times, so, I
think I’m doing something wrong.
ANGUS MACASKILL
Y’know not ta say that to anyone
but me, don’t ye lad?
JAKE
Yeah I know...
Angus takes a WOODEN TOBACCO PIPE out of his coat and fills
it with tobacco. He sticks the pipe in his mouth and hands
Jake the MATCHBOOK. Jake strikes a match and lights Angus’s
pipe.
JAKE (CONT’D)
This is a nightmare, Angus. My
whole extended family is gonna
think I’m a pathological liar.
Angus smokes down most of the pipe’s tobacco in one inhale as
his giant chest expands. He lets out a GIGANTIC CLOUD OF
SMOKE.
ANGUS MACASKILL
...S’pose ye know what it is ye’ve
got ta do then, lad... Baccy?
Pause.
JAKE
...What are you referring too?...
And yes, please.
Angus hands Jake the pipe and Jake takes a puff.
ANGUS MACASKILL
Exactly what ye think I’m referrin’
too, of course.
JAKE
No. That would be inappropriate.
Off-limits.
ANGUS MACASKILL
A man’s nuthin’ without his family
lad... Ye ought ta know when ye
need a helpin’ hand.
JAKE
The amount of cortisol I would have
in my system at that party... would
be enough to give you a heart
attack... How would I even ask her?
ANGUS MACASKILL
Use yer wits ye feartie!
JAKE
But I would feel so guilty.
ANGUS MACASKILL
Why’s that, laddy? It’s not yer
fault, see. Ye never had a chance.
There’s nay shame in a man doin’
what he’s got ta do ta survive.
Jake closes his eyes and takes another drag from the pipe. He
blows out the smoke.
JAKE
Ok... Fuck... I’ll try.
They walk on.
Genres:
["Drama","Character Study"]
Ratings
Scene
14 -
Unexpected Support
INT. TRADER JOE’S- MORNING
Jake stands behind a register, barely containing his anxiety.
He spots Maisley clocking in at the “Bridge” (the front
desk). After he sees her, he adopts a very different
countenance. He starts moping. Eyes low, shoulders drooped.
She smiles big when she sees him.
Jake flags down a CUSTOMER with a full cart. He speaks in an
overtly “bummed out” way.
JAKE
I can take you right here, sir.
Maisley bounds over with a big smile and starts bagging.
MAISLEY
Jake, guess what?
JAKE
(to the customer)
How’s your uh... what day is it
today?
CUSTOMER MAN
It’s Friday.
JAKE
How’s your Friday sir?
CUSTOMER MAN
Not too bad. How’s yours?
MAISLEY
Jake I have news.
JAKE
(to the customer)
Not too bad. How’s yours?
(MORE)
JAKE (CONT’D)
(to Maisley)
...What you’re pregnant?
JAKE
(to Maisley, without
looking at her, monotone)
Congratulations, it’s a terrific
life.
Jake lets out a gigantic sigh.
Maisley goes completely silent and bags really fast. The
instant she finishes bagging the last item she walks away and
logs in at another register.
Jake watches her walk away and recalculates.
JAKE (CONT’D)
(to the customer)
You’re all set sir.
Maisley, visibly irritated, flags down another customer. Jake
joins her at the new register and starts bagging.
MAISLEY
(to the new customer)
Can I see your ID?
The customer presents her ID. Maisley starts ringing up the
items.
JAKE
(to Maisley)
Sorry, that was rude of me.
Maisley doesn’t respond.
JAKE (CONT’D)
We get rude sometimes, Maisley, but
for real though, welcome to the
team.
MAISLEY
Admit you were rude on purpose.
JAKE
It was on purpose, I’m sorry.
Maisley rings up the last few items.
MAISLEY
(to the customer)
53.12 ma’am.
(to Jake)
No sparks last night, I’m guessing?
JAKE
No sparks. Skid marks... but no
sparks.
MAISLEY
What happened?
JAKE
What happened is I didn’t just tell
my brother I had a girlfriend. I
told him I had a girlfriend who
thought Angus MacAskill was
fascinating. It would appear I’ve
given myself a wildly small target
to hit, and now I’m fucked. That’s
what happened.
(to the customer)
Apologies for my language, ma’am.
MAISLEY
(to the customer)
You’re all set, ma’am.
The customer leaves.
MAISLEY (CONT’D)
Why don’t you just tell your
brother you guys broke up?
JAKE
Because he’ll assume I imagined
her. That’s the infuriating part.
He thinks I’m completely out of
touch with reality, Maisley.
MAISLEY
What are you gonna do?
JAKE
At this point, I guess just lose my
relationship with my brother.
A customer approaches with a full cart.
CUSTOMER #3
Are you guys open?
MAISLEY
Yes.
Maisley rings and Jake bags as they chat.
JAKE
(to Maisley)
It’s honestly awesome that you’re
so excited about being autistic...
I keep thinking, it’s such a shame
that there’s not really such a
thing as an autistic community, ya
know? Each one of us is just like,
a one person community, basically.
MAISLEY
That’s not true at all. You’re a
one person community. That’s a
choice.
JAKE
Yeah, maybe. But it’s not like
autistic people are renowned for
their empathy. Especially towards
each other.
MAISLEY
That’s exactly what they’re
renowned for, actually. What are
you talking about?
JAKE
Nothin.’ Sorry. I’m stressed. I’m
trying to figure out how I’m gonna
find someone by tomorrow night who
will pretend to be my girlfriend...
and that they like Angus.
MAISLEY
Go on another hinge date tonight.
JAKE
I can’t do that...
MAISLEY
Why?
JAKE
Because... Maisley... I’m retired,
ok? At this point, the most
chivalrous thing I can do for
women, is just leave them alone...
And that’s ok.
MAISLEY
Dude... Chivalry implies bravery. A
knight who doesn’t slay the dragon
because he’s afraid of the maiden
isn’t very brave.
JAKE
...I don’t care about dragons or
maidens or fuckin... wizards. I
just enjoy hangin’ out with my
brother sometimes. Not even a lot.
And I genuinely don’t feel like
that’s too much for me to ask for
from the universe... or God, or
whatever you want to call it.
Whatever it’s called... it’s
fucking mean.
MAISLEY
...What time is the party?
JAKE
...Why are you asking?
MAISLEY
I get off at 6:00 tomorrow.
JAKE
...Maisley you’re a gay, teenage
girl are you not?
MAISLEY
I’m 20. And I smoke. People think
I’m like, 24...
Jake shakes his head.
MAISLEY (CONT’D)
We won’t even hold hands... It’s
not weird unless you make it weird.
JAKE
Maisley... I’m just some man you
work with at Trader Joe’s. This is
reckless behavior.
MAISLEY
Jake... It took me 20 years to find
out why I’m so awesome. Let me help
out the team. And by the way, hell
yes autism is a community. It’s a
fuckin’ soul tribe.
(MORE)
MAISLEY (CONT’D)
And if you think I would not gladly
do this for you, Jake, just to
prove myself right, you don’t know
me very well.
JAKE
(pretending to be
impressed)
...Jesus Maisley, who do they have
teachin’ psychology at Santa Monica
City College? Tell em’ to start
making tiktoks!
She offers him a hi-five. He enthusiastically accepts.
Genres:
["Drama","Comedy"]
Ratings
Scene
15 -
Facing the Party
INT. JAKE'S CAR- NIGHT
Jake turns off the car. He is parked outside an EXPENSIVE
MODERN STYLE HOUSE. The glow of party lights and sounds of
chatter spill into the street. Next to him, in the passenger
seat, sits Maisley, putting mascara on in the mirror. He
looks over at her and takes in her rather robust application
of makeup.
JAKE
...I deserve the fires of hell.
MAISLEY
Relax, bro. I’m like your little
sister.
JAKE
That does not help me relax.
MAISLEY
...”Hi. My name is Daisy. I’m 26. I
met Jake on Hinge.”
JAKE
Fuck. This is rock bottom... Ok...
He takes in a deep breath.
JAKE (CONT’D)
(to himself)
The only way out is through,
Jake... The only way out is
through...
(to Maisley)
How much did he weigh?
MAISLEY
500 pounds.
JAKE
520. My brother would know that...
Name two of his feats of strength.
MAISLEY
He threw a 300 pound man over a 10
foot woodpile, and he lifted a full
grown horse over a 4 foot fence.
JAKE
...Let’s rock and roll, kiddo.
Maisley claps.
Genres:
["Comedy","Drama"]
Ratings
Scene
16 -
Party Dynamics
INT. SAM AND REBECCA’S HOUSE- CONTINUOUS
Jake opens the door, stepping cautiously into the house.
Maisley walks in after him. About 15-20 people mingle in
clusters, laughter and chatter filling the air. No one seems
to notice them until...
REBECCA
Jakey! You made it!
They hug.
JAKE
Rebecca, this is Daisy. We met on
Hinge.
REBECCA
So great to meet you!
Rebecca hugs Maisley. Maisley hugs back enthusiastically.
MAISLEY
Jake did not mention you were
this... angelic.
REBECCA
Oh... Haha... I would hope not.
Sam comes stumbling over. He’s drunk.
SAM
Jakey! You made it!
He hugs Jake.
SAM (CONT’D)
I learned a random fact for you.
Remind me to tell you later.
REBECCA
Sam this is Jake’s friend Daisy.
Sam shakes Maisley’s hand and points towards Jake.
SAM
It is really great to meet you.
This is a special guy right here.
MAISLEY
Oh I know.
SAM
This is a powerful man...
JAKE
The house is incredible by the way
guys.
SAM
Thanks Jakey! I lobbied for a more
eco-modernist style but Rebecca was
pretty dead set on contemporary
modernist...
MAISLEY
So you guys compromised and went
contemporary modernist. I love it.
Sam laughs. Rebecca does not.
SAM
(to Maisley)
So... Jake tells me you guys talk
about Angus MacAskill sometimes?
MAISLEY
All the time.
Sam takes her in a little bit.
SAM
Crazy that those are his real
clothes on the statue right?
MAISLEY
Yes! So crazy. He was huge.
REBECCA
Well go meet my friends! Mingle.
They’re super chill... Sam can I
talk to you for a second?
Rebecca leads Sam away.
Maisley starts glancing around the room.
JAKE
Ok, they’ve seen you. Let’s get out
of here soon.
MAISLEY
Woah...
Maisley spots an attractive, queer-feminine presenting person
across the room.
MAISLEY (CONT’D)
Gimme a sec...
JAKE
Maisley you have a girlfriend...
Before Jake finishes speaking she starts walking over there.
Jake glances around, watching groups huddled in conversation.
He starts tentatively shuffling around the party, kinda
leaning in to one conversation. SHELBY, 30, is mid sentence.
SHELBY
...I had to change literally
everything, including my
underwear...
JAKE
Uh-oh, what are we talking about
over here?
SHELBY
...Hi. I was just telling a story
about when I was in the Amazon.
JAKE
Oh sweet. How was that?
An original member of the conversation, SEAN, 30s, speaks up.
SEAN
That’s what she was in the middle
of telling us.
JAKE
Oh gotcha, sorry.
Jake continues his awkward shuffle through the party, passing
by a couple on the couch, he nods and smiles at them— no
response.
Genres:
["Drama","Romance","Comedy"]
Ratings
Scene
17 -
Flirtation and Facts at the Party
INT. SAM AND REBECCA’S HOUSE- LATER IN THE EVENING
Maisley is flirting with her new friend, NINA, 23. The
interest appears to be reciprocal.
MAISLEY
...No, Womb Envy was pioneered by
Karen Horny. Marsha Linehan was the
psychoanalyst that founded DBT.
NINA
...Are you real?
MAISLEY
(smiling big)
Nope.
Elsewhere, Jake is talking to a MAN, early 30s.
JAKE
...Think about it like this...
Andre the Giant was 7 feet tall
with a chest that was 60 inches
around. Angus MacAskill was 7’9
with a chest that was 80 inches
around.
PARTY MAN
...Holy shit.
JAKE
Right?
Genres:
["Comedy","Romance"]
Ratings
Scene
18 -
Awkward Encounters at the Party
INT. SAM'S HOUSE- LATER
Maisley is still engrossed in conversation with her new
companion. Jake sits alone on the couch playing DOODLE JUMP
on his phone. Sam walks over and sits down next to him.
SAM
Hey buddy, how ya doin?
JAKE
Livin’ the dream.
Jake keeps his eyes locked on doodle jump.
SAM
Your date seems like she’s having
fun...
JAKE
She does, doesn’t she?
Jake dies in doodle jump.
JAKE (CONT’D)
Damnit...
He looks up at Sam.
JAKE (CONT’D)
Sorry if I’m weirding out people at
your party.
SAM
Don’t say that Jakey. You have a
powerful energy that people wanna
be around.
JAKE
Except clearly I don’t. The only
one that invites me to stuff is
you, because I’m your closest
relative and your brain is wired by
evolution to wanna help me... In a
hunter-gatherer tribe, I would be
cast out.
SAM
Jakey I told you I learned a random
fact for you right? You ever heard
of Margaret Mead?
JAKE
No.
SAM
She was a scientist... Or, like, a
historian maybe. I don’t know. But
someone asked her when she thought
human civilization began and she
said 15,000 years ago... Or...
5,000 years ago maybe, one of
those. Because that’s the earliest
we see remains of broken femur
bones that had healed.
JAKE
...Why is that the beginning of
civilization?
SAM
Because when an animal in the wild
breaks their femur, they never
survive long enough for the bone to
heal. Cause the other animals don’t
help em’.
(MORE)
SAM (CONT’D)
But 15,000 or 5,000 or how ever
many years ago, humans apparently
started taking care of people that
couldn’t take care of themselves.
And that’s what makes us human.
Keeping some people alive just
cause we like havin’ em’ around.
JAKE
So I’m the one with the broken
femur in this analogy?
SAM
You get what I’m trying to say
dude. I memorized that fact for
you.
Maisley interjects.
MAISLEY
Hey Jake, can I talk to you for a
sec.
JAKE
Yeah.
Jake gets up. Maisley speaks to him quietly.
MAISLEY
Soooo... I’m going home with Nina.
JAKE
What?! Bad! Maisley... What am I
supposed to do here? Am I supposed
to stop you?
MAISLEY
I’m an adult, bro. Not a big deal.
While she’s talking, Jake sees ANGUS standing just outside
the sliding glass door. He’s so tall that we can only see him
from the chest down.
Angus POINTS to the left.
Jake looks and there’s a beautiful woman standing by herself
in front of the snack table, DOUBLE DIPPING into the hummus.
This is ELLIE, early 30s.
JAKE
Who’s that?
Maisley looks.
MAISLEY
She’s perfect. Approach!
JAKE
No thanks.
MAISLEY
Dude, can you just... be a man.
Jake looks at Maisley for a while. Then back at the woman.
JAKE
Fuck it.
He walks over there, grabs a carrot, dips it in the hummus,
and takes a bite.
JAKE (CONT’D)
Big hummus fan?
ELLIE
Big hummus fan.
JAKE
I don’t blame you. It’s healthy and
it’s delicious, which, I feel like
is a surprisingly rare combo.
ELLIE
It is surprisingly rare. You would
think evolution would program the
body to crave what’s actually
healthy for it.
JAKE
Right!? Like, I wish I loved
vegetables as much as my Guinea
pigs do. You try to offer them a
cinnamon roll, or filet mignon,
they’re gonna look at you like,
“what the fuck is this?” You offer
them carrots? They lose their
minds.
She laughs.
ELLIE
I’m Ellie by the way.
JAKE
I’m Jake. Nice to meet you. How do
you know Sam?
ELLIE
I don’t. I’m here with my friend.
JAKE
That’s brave. If I know less than 3
people at a party... guaranteed
panic attack.
ELLIE
Why do you think I’m hanging out by
the snacks?
JAKE
Classic move. If you haven’t tried
hiding in the bathroom yet, that
works really well.
ELLIE
I think this party might be too
intimate for hiding in the
bathroom. Everyone would assume I
was dropping a fat deuce in there.
JAKE
Right, which could play as a power
move.
ELLIE
...You ever heard of an “upper
decker?”
JAKE
Is that when you take the lid off
the toilet and poop into the tank?
She nods.
ELLIE
Dare you to do one.
Jake laughs.
JAKE
...Wow.
ELLIE
What?
JAKE
Nothing. I’m just... Intrigued by
you.
ELLIE
What about me intrigues you?
JAKE
I’m still trying to figure it out.
ELLIE
Ask me anything.
JAKE
What’s the pound for pound
strongest animal in the animal
kingdom?
ELLIE
The Mantis Shrimp?
JAKE
Correct!
ELLIE
What’s the only animal that can
survive in outer space?
JAKE
Tardigrades?
ELLIE
Yes! Also known as water bears...
but yes! What’s the animal that can
survive the highest levels of
radiation, the most extreme
temperatures and the most pounds of
pressure?
JAKE
I don’t know.
ELLIE
Also Water Bears!
JAKE
...Wow. Tough little guys.
ELLIE
They’re the toughest animals on the
planet. In climates where there’s
no food or water, they can shut
their bodies down, and then
reanimate themselves up to 30 years
later, if water becomes available
again... Just me, personally, I
think they’re from a different
planet.
JAKE
They’re your favorite huh?
ELLIE
Ohhhhh yeah. They’re my special
interest right now...
Pause.
JAKE
Your special interest?
ELLIE
Mhm.
Jake looks over at Angus who gives him a thumbs up.
ELLIE (CONT’D)
What are you looking at?
Ellie turns around and sees Angus standing there behind the
sliding glass door. She SCREAMS. Everyone at the party goes
quiet and stares at her. Then everyone looks at the sliding
glass door... There’s nothing there. Everyone looks back at
Ellie.
ELLIE (CONT’D)
Oh my God I’m so sorry I thought...
I’m sorry...
Ellie walks out of the party. Everyone stares at Jake,
including Maisley, Sam, and Rebecca. He freezes.
Angus is just outside the window again. He kneels down to
look in. A warm, pained smile graces his face.