Read Buried in Light with its analysis


See Full Analysis here



Scene 1 -  Illusions of San Miguel
EXT. SAN MIGUEL DE ALLENDE - ROOFTOP - NIGHT

A bottle of mezcal glints in the light of EXPLODING FIREWORKS.
Colors light up tiled domes and stone churches. The tip of a
cigarette glows.

KIT HENDRIX, 50s, a male silhouette, sips, smokes.

KIT (V.O.)
You can’t trust the light here. Not
in this town. It shows you what you
want - color, warmth, magic, then
blinds you to what's behind it. And
people... well, people are worse
than the light. They'll smile when
they lie. They'll hug you while
hiding the knife behind your back.
Hell, half the time they don't even
know they're doing it. In San Miguel
you can be whoever you want. It's a
town full of reinvention - scammers,
mystics, con men, healers, and ghosts.
Mexican, gringo - makes no difference.
They call it love. They call it
freedom. But it's all the same lie.
You come here looking for a new
beginning. Peace, maybe. But what
you'll find is a place where nothing
stays buried - not secrets, not the
dead, and sure as hell not your past.

EXT. SAN MIGUEL DE ALLENDE - OUTSKIRTS - HIGH NOON

Windblown dust. Bumper to bumper traffic. Neon OXXO signs.
This is not the romantic, postcard version of San Miguel.
Genres: ["Drama","Mystery"]

Summary On a rooftop in San Miguel de Allende, Kit Hendrix reflects on the town's deceptive beauty while sipping mezcal and watching fireworks. His voiceover reveals a cynical perspective on the town, filled with reinvention, scammers, and buried secrets. The scene shifts to the chaotic outskirts during the day, contrasting the romanticized night view with a gritty reality, highlighting Kit's internal struggle between illusion and truth.
Strengths
  • Strong atmosphere and tone
  • Intriguing setup for the story and characters
  • Effective use of voiceover to establish themes and conflicts
Weaknesses
  • Limited character interaction
  • Lack of immediate action or external conflict

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively establishes the setting and tone of the story, creating intrigue and setting up the themes of deception and reinvention. The voiceover adds depth to the character of Kit Hendrix and sets up the conflict and mystery to come.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of exploring the dark underbelly of a seemingly idyllic town like San Miguel de Allende is intriguing and sets up a compelling mystery. The idea of reinvention and hidden truths adds depth to the story and characters.

Plot: 8

The plot is effectively introduced through Kit's voiceover, hinting at the conflicts and secrets that will drive the narrative forward. The scene sets up the central mystery of the story and establishes the stakes for the characters.

Originality: 9

The level of originality in this scene is high, as it presents a fresh and atmospheric portrayal of San Miguel de Allende, explores themes of deception and reinvention, and delves into the protagonist's internal and external struggles with trust and authenticity.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

Kit Hendrix is a complex and intriguing character, whose cynical and reflective nature adds depth to the scene. The scene effectively introduces the idea of reinvention and deception through Kit's perspective.

Character Changes: 7

While there is not a significant character change in this scene, Kit's perspective and worldview are established, setting up the potential for growth and development as the story progresses.

Internal Goal: 9

Kit's internal goal in this scene is to find peace and a new beginning in San Miguel de Allende, but he is wary of the deception and hidden motives of the people in the town. This reflects his deeper need for authenticity and connection, as well as his fear of being betrayed or misled.

External Goal: 8

Kit's external goal in this scene is to navigate the deception and hidden motives of the people in San Miguel de Allende while seeking a new beginning and peace. This reflects the immediate challenge he faces in a town where nothing stays buried.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict in the scene is more internal and thematic, setting up the tensions and mysteries that will drive the narrative forward. The conflict between appearance and reality is subtly introduced through Kit's observations.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in this scene is strong, as Kit faces the challenge of navigating the deception and hidden motives of the people in San Miguel de Allende while seeking a new beginning and peace. The reader is kept in suspense by the contrast between appearance and reality.

High Stakes: 7

The scene establishes the high stakes of uncovering the truth and confronting the past in a town full of deception and reinvention. The risks and dangers of San Miguel de Allende are hinted at, setting up the tension and suspense of the story.

Story Forward: 8

The scene effectively sets up the central mystery and conflict of the story, moving the narrative forward and establishing the stakes for the characters. The introduction of San Miguel de Allende as a town full of deception and hidden truths propels the story forward.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the contrast between the romanticized image of San Miguel de Allende and the reality of deception and hidden motives. The reader is kept on edge by the tension between appearance and reality.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the contrast between the facade of love, freedom, and reinvention in San Miguel de Allende and the reality of deception, hidden motives, and buried secrets. This challenges Kit's beliefs in authenticity, trust, and the possibility of a fresh start.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7.5

The scene evokes a sense of intrigue and unease, setting up the emotional stakes for the characters and the audience. The dark and reflective tone creates an emotional impact that draws the audience into the story.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue in the scene is introspective and sets up the themes of deception and hidden truths effectively. Kit's voiceover adds a layer of mystery and intrigue to the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its atmospheric descriptions, introspective narration, and thematic depth. The reader is drawn into the world of San Miguel de Allende and the protagonist's internal and external struggles, creating a sense of mystery and intrigue.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by balancing atmospheric descriptions with introspective narration, creating a sense of tension and foreboding. The transitions between locations and the use of voice-over narration enhance the rhythm and flow of the scene.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre by using descriptive language, dialogue, and scene headings to create a visual and immersive experience for the reader. The use of visual cues like the glinting bottle of mezcal and the glowing cigarette adds depth to the scene.

Structure: 8

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre by establishing the setting, introducing the protagonist, and setting up the internal and external goals. The transitions between locations and the use of voice-over narration enhance the pacing and atmosphere.


Critique
  • The opening imagery of the rooftop scene is visually striking, effectively setting the tone for the screenplay. However, the voiceover could benefit from more specificity regarding Kit's personal connection to the themes he discusses. This would deepen the audience's understanding of his character and motivations.
  • Kit's voiceover is rich with metaphor, but it risks becoming overly abstract. While the themes of deception and reinvention are compelling, grounding them in a specific anecdote or memory from Kit's past could enhance emotional resonance and make his reflections more relatable.
  • The transition from the romanticized view of San Miguel to the gritty reality is a strong narrative choice, but it feels abrupt. A smoother transition could be achieved by incorporating a visual or auditory cue that links the two scenes, such as the fading sound of fireworks or a lingering shot of the fireworks reflecting in Kit's eyes before cutting to the chaos of the outskirts.
  • The dialogue in the voiceover is poetic but may come off as overly cynical. Balancing Kit's dark observations with moments of genuine wonder or nostalgia about the town could create a more nuanced perspective, making him a more complex character.
  • The scene effectively establishes the setting and themes, but it could benefit from a stronger emotional hook. Introducing a personal stake for Kit—perhaps a hint of his own buried secrets or a specific event that ties him to the town—would engage the audience more deeply from the outset.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief flashback or memory that illustrates Kit's past experiences in San Miguel, providing context for his cynical view of the town.
  • Incorporate sensory details that evoke the atmosphere of the rooftop—sounds, smells, or tactile sensations—to immerse the audience more fully in the scene.
  • Explore the possibility of Kit interacting with his surroundings, such as reacting to the fireworks or the people below, to create a more dynamic scene rather than relying solely on voiceover.
  • Revise the voiceover to include a moment of vulnerability or hope, which could create a more balanced portrayal of Kit's character and his relationship with San Miguel.
  • Ensure that the transition to the next scene is seamless by using a visual or auditory element that connects the two settings, enhancing the narrative flow.



Scene 2 -  Stalled Frustration
INT. JONAS FRY'S SUV - MOVING/STALLED IN TRAFFIC

JONAS FRY, 40s, limp linen suit soaked with sweat, fists the
wheel like he wants to throttle it. Behind him, boxes are
crammed tight. He stabs at A/C buttons.

JONAS
Choice. Fucking. Timing. For no
AC. Never trust a Mexican mechanic.

LIV
Maybe he gave you the asshole
discount.

JONAS
I should have sprung for the deluxe
gringo package? Why? I married
into the system.

His beautiful Mexican wife, LIV FRY CORDOBA, 20s, SPRITZES
her face with a fine mist. She SPRAYS Jonas. He SPUTTERS.

JONAS (CONT'D)
Goddamit, Olivia. Now I smell like
the foyer of a Tijuana rub-n-tug.

LIV
Don't be so dramatic. It's rose
water. Refreshing.

JONAS
Refreshing is a cold beer and air
conditioning that doesn't feel like
Satan crawled up my ass.

Liz tucks the spray away, looks out the window as the traffic
crawls, toying unconsciously with a gold locket on a long
chain around her neck. A YOUTH struts between cars, huge grin,
hawking bouquets of roses. Jonas swats him away like a fly.
Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

Summary In a sweltering traffic jam in San Miguel de Allende, Jonas Fry struggles with the heat and his malfunctioning SUV, growing increasingly frustrated with a Mexican mechanic. His wife, Liv, attempts to lighten the mood with rose water, but Jonas's irritation only escalates. A tense moment arises when a youth selling roses approaches their car, which Jonas dismisses aggressively, highlighting the ongoing conflict and contrasting attitudes between the couple.
Strengths
  • Sharp dialogue
  • Strong character development
  • Humorous tone
Weaknesses
  • Limited plot progression
  • Low stakes

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively combines humor and frustration to create an engaging and relatable moment, setting the tone for the characters and their interactions.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of showcasing the characters' personalities and relationship dynamics through a mundane situation like being stuck in traffic is engaging and well-executed.

Plot: 8

The plot progression in the scene focuses on the characters' interactions and the introduction of conflict, setting up potential developments in their relationships and motivations.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces unique situations, such as the malfunctioning air conditioning and the cultural references, which add authenticity to the characters' actions and dialogue.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-defined through their dialogue, actions, and reactions, showcasing their personalities, motivations, and dynamics in a compelling way.

Character Changes: 7

While there are subtle shifts in the characters' dynamics and emotions, the scene primarily focuses on establishing their personalities and relationships.

Internal Goal: 8

Jonas' internal goal in this scene is to maintain his composure and control in a frustrating situation. His dialogue and actions reflect his deeper need for comfort and stability, as well as his fear of losing control.

External Goal: 7

Jonas' external goal is to navigate through the traffic and reach his destination despite the obstacles, such as the malfunctioning air conditioning and the street vendors.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict between the characters, their differing perspectives, and the external obstacle of being stuck in traffic adds tension and humor to the scene.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create conflict and tension, but not overwhelming to the point of overshadowing the characters' interactions.

High Stakes: 7

While the characters face personal and relational challenges, the stakes are relatively low in this scene, focusing more on humor and character dynamics.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing conflict, developing the characters, and setting up potential plotlines and conflicts for future scenes.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected interactions between the characters and the humorous twists in the dialogue.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between Jonas' desire for comfort and control versus Liv's more relaxed and adaptable attitude. This challenges Jonas' beliefs about how things should be and his frustration with the situation.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7.5

The scene elicits a range of emotions from frustration to amusement, engaging the audience and creating a connection to the characters' experiences.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is sharp, witty, and reveals important information about the characters while driving the scene forward with humor and conflict.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the witty dialogue, tension between the characters, and the relatable frustration of being stuck in traffic.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and humor through the characters' interactions and dialogue.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with proper scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear character introductions, dialogue, and action descriptions.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes the frustration and tension between Jonas and Liv, which is a good way to introduce their dynamic. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext to deepen their relationship. Right now, it feels a bit surface-level, with Jonas's complaints and Liv's playful responses lacking emotional weight.
  • Jonas's character comes across as overly negative and dismissive, which could alienate the audience. While it's important to show his frustration, adding moments of vulnerability or humor could make him more relatable and complex.
  • The use of the rose water as a refreshing element contrasts with Jonas's irritation, but it could be more symbolic. Perhaps Liv could explain its significance to her culture or their relationship, adding depth to the moment.
  • The introduction of the youth selling roses is a nice touch, but Jonas's aggressive dismissal feels abrupt. This could be an opportunity to explore themes of privilege and cultural insensitivity, which would resonate with the earlier commentary on the deceptive nature of San Miguel.
  • The visual elements, such as the cramped SUV and the heat, are effective in creating a sense of discomfort. However, the scene could benefit from more sensory details to immerse the audience further, such as the sounds of the city or the smell of the roses.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment where Jonas reflects on his situation or expresses a desire for something more, which could create a more nuanced character arc.
  • Incorporate more playful banter between Jonas and Liv that reveals their history and affection for each other, even amidst the tension. This could help balance the frustration with warmth.
  • Explore the significance of the rose water further. Perhaps Liv could share a memory associated with it, making it a more poignant moment in their conversation.
  • Instead of Jonas swatting away the youth, consider having him engage in a brief, uncomfortable interaction that highlights his privilege and the cultural divide, adding layers to his character.
  • Enhance the sensory details in the scene to create a more vivid atmosphere. Describe the sounds of the city, the heat radiating from the pavement, or the vibrant colors of the roses to draw the audience into the moment.



Scene 3 -  Dreams and Disillusionment at El Milagro Perdido
EXT. HISTORIC SAN MIGUEL DE ALLENDE – LATER

The SUV winds through narrow cobblestone streets, nearly clips
a MOJIGANGA - a person inside a 12' papier mache puppet -
crossing the street. Jonas HONKS the HORN. LOCALS glare.

INT. JONAS FRY'S SUV

Jonas grips the wheel. Sweat stings his eyes.

JONAS
Jesus. Don't they have traffic laws?

LIV
Yeah, pedestrians get to live.

They pull up outside

EL MILAGRO PERDIDO

A cantina. Faded paint. Cowboy-style swing doors. A DRUNK,
20s, stumbles out, mounts a tethered horse like it's 1892.
Liv steps out of the car, shielding her eyes from the sun.

LIV (CONT'D)
This is what we sold our gallery
for?

JONAS
Don’t go gettin' sentimental over a
room we hung some canvases in.

Jonas follows, squints at the sign above the door: "EST.
1949."

JONAS (CONT'D)
You said you wanted your roots.
Here they are, darlin'.

LIV
Pray to God this is the only thing
stuck in 1949.

JONAS
We’ll hang a sign — under new
ownership.

LIV
Great idea. That will change
everything.
(Spanish, subtitled)
Gringo with delusions of grandeur.
Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

Summary In the historic town of San Miguel de Allende, Jonas and Liv arrive at their newly purchased cantina, El Milagro Perdido. While Jonas tries to highlight the location's potential, Liv expresses her disappointment and skepticism, leading to a tense exchange filled with sarcasm. Their differing views on the investment create conflict, culminating in Liv's biting remark about Jonas's ambitions as they stand outside the faded cantina.
Strengths
  • Strong character dynamics
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Effective thematic exploration
Weaknesses
  • Limited external conflict
  • Potential lack of urgency in the stakes

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.2

The scene effectively establishes the dynamic between Jonas and Liv, setting the tone for their relationship and the challenges they face in their new environment. The mix of frustration and humor adds depth to the characters and engages the audience.


Story Content

Concept: 8.3

The concept of contrasting the romanticized view of San Miguel de Allende with the gritty reality of daily life through the characters' experiences is compelling. It sets up a rich thematic exploration of reinvention, nostalgia, and the complexities of starting anew.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene revolves around Jonas and Liv's adjustment to their new life in San Miguel de Allende, highlighting their conflicting perspectives and the challenges they face. It sets up potential conflicts and developments for the rest of the story.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh setting and cultural elements, making it original in its approach to character dynamics and conflicts. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters of Jonas and Liv are well-defined through their dialogue and actions, showcasing their personalities and relationship dynamics. Their banter reveals layers of their individual traits and sets up potential growth arcs.

Character Changes: 8

Both Jonas and Liv undergo subtle shifts in their perspectives and attitudes during the scene, setting up potential growth and development for their characters as the story progresses.

Internal Goal: 8

Jonas's internal goal is to come to terms with the decision to sell their gallery and start anew in a different environment. This reflects his desire for a fresh start and possibly his fear of failure in this new venture.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to establish their new business in the cantina and make it successful. This reflects the immediate challenge of adapting to a new environment and making a mark in a different culture.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, revolving around Jonas and Liv's differing attitudes towards their new life. While there is tension and frustration, it is more subtle and character-driven.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Liv's reluctance and Jonas's determination creating conflict that adds depth to the narrative.

High Stakes: 7

While the stakes are not overtly high in this scene, the emotional and relational challenges faced by Jonas and Liv lay the groundwork for potential conflicts and resolutions that could have significant consequences for their future.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by establishing key conflicts, character dynamics, and thematic elements that will shape the narrative. It sets up future plot developments and character arcs.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable due to the characters' conflicting reactions to the new environment and the uncertain outcome of their business venture.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the clash between embracing tradition and seeking change. Liv's reluctance to accept the cantina as their new venture highlights this conflict and challenges Jonas's belief in starting fresh.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7.8

The scene elicits a range of emotions, from frustration to amusement, as the characters navigate their new surroundings and each other. The emotional depth adds complexity to the narrative and engages the audience.

Dialogue: 8.7

The dialogue is sharp, witty, and revealing of the characters' inner thoughts and emotions. It drives the scene forward, establishes the tone, and adds depth to the interactions between Jonas and Liv.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the dynamic character interactions and the introduction of a new setting that piques the audience's curiosity.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and establishes the mood of uncertainty and change.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with proper scene headings and character dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear character introductions and setting descriptions that set the stage for the narrative.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes the setting of San Miguel de Allende and introduces the characters of Jonas and Liv, showcasing their contrasting personalities. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext to deepen their relationship dynamics. Currently, their banter feels somewhat surface-level and could be enhanced to reveal more about their past and the stakes of their current situation.
  • The use of humor in Liv's line about pedestrians living is a nice touch, but it could be more impactful if it were tied to a specific memory or experience that highlights her character's perspective on life. This would add depth to her character and make her responses feel more authentic.
  • Jonas's frustration is palpable, but the scene could explore his internal conflict more. For instance, what does he feel about the decision to invest in the cantina? Is there a part of him that is excited or hopeful despite his irritation? Adding a moment of vulnerability could make him more relatable and complex.
  • The visual elements, such as the mojiganga and the drunk man on the horse, are vivid and contribute to the atmosphere. However, the scene could benefit from more sensory details that evoke the sights, sounds, and smells of the cantina and the surrounding area, immersing the audience further into the setting.
  • The transition from the car to the cantina is somewhat abrupt. A brief moment of hesitation or reflection from either character before entering could heighten the tension and anticipation of what lies ahead in the cantina, setting the stage for the conflicts to come.
Suggestions
  • Incorporate more subtext in the dialogue to reveal deeper emotions and history between Jonas and Liv. Consider adding a line that hints at their past experiences with art or business that could inform their current attitudes.
  • Explore Jonas's internal conflict by adding a moment where he reflects on the decision to buy the cantina, perhaps through a brief flashback or a line that reveals his hopes or fears about the venture.
  • Enhance the sensory details in the scene by describing the sounds of the cantina, the heat of the sun, or the smell of the street food, which would create a more immersive experience for the audience.
  • Consider adding a moment of hesitation or reflection before Jonas and Liv enter the cantina, which could build tension and anticipation for the audience, making the transition feel more significant.
  • Use the mojiganga and the drunk man as metaphors for the chaotic and unpredictable nature of their new venture, perhaps by having Jonas comment on them in a way that reflects his own feelings about the cantina.



Scene 4 -  Nostalgia and Tension at El Milagro Perdido
INT. EL MILAGRO PERDIDO – CONTINUOUS

Swing doors CREAK open. Dust motes dance in the sunlight. A
ceiling fan TICKS lazily above. Jonas and Liv step inside.

LIV
How very... atmospheric.

JONAS
(sniffing)
Like I'm back in the bayou. Swamp.
Sweat. Semen.

Jonas crosses to the bar. Runs a hand over the counter —
sticky. He wipes his fingers on his damp shirt.

Liv walks to the

REAR

- puts coins into a Wurlitzer, peruses the choices - nothing
newer than 1960. She presses buttons. "BONITA" by Luis Arcaraz
spins - scratched and sultry.

LIV
My grandma used to sing this for me.

Liv SINGS softly as she sways, admires the wall of photos:
autographed snapshots of cabaret dancers, mustached matinee
idols, and Marilyn Monroe, white skirt forever caught in time.

BEHIND THE BAR

Jonas pulls a beer from the fridge, pops it, chugs.

JONAS
Fuck this. Tepid as shit.

The fridge LED reads: 9°C. He pounds the door with his fist.
A sign reads: “NO CHARGE FOR BAD ATTITUDE. IT'S INCLUDED.”

From the back — a faint knock of GLASS, a FOOTSTEP.

JONAS (CONT'D)
Hello?

LIV
Who's meeting us?

JONAS
Fernando, the bar tender.

Jonas opens the register. Empty but for one lone matchbook,
"El Milagro Perdido" emblazoned in gold.

FOOTSTEPS O.S. A figure passes behind the open kitchen archway.
A DOOR CREAKS. A man emerges carrying a crate of beer.

FERN (O.S.)
It’s open. It’s always open.

FERN CASTAÑEDA, 30s, sun-worn, flip flops, beat-up jeans,
emerges with a crate of beer.

FERN (CONT'D)
Sorry. Didn’t know anyone was here.

He says it to Jonas, but his eyes rest on Liv.

LIV
Fern?

FERN
Olivia?

JONAS
You two know each other?

FERN
It’s a small town.

LIV
(too quickly, a coverup)
We went to school together. Eons
ago. When we were kids.

Jonas steps forward, hand extended. Fern props the crate on a
table, shakes his hand.

JONAS
Jonas Fry. New proprietor.

FERN
My uncle told me. I would have loved
to buy the place, but he needed the
cash pronto.

JONAS
Glad I could help him out in his
hour of need. Give him my regards.

FERN
You can do that yourself at the
cemetery.

JONAS
Shit. That was fast.

FERN
When death decides, you don't get a
say.

JONAS
Well, not to spoil the mood, but
we've got shit to do.

FERN
Rumor is you've plans for the place.

LIV
Just freshen things up a bit,
hopefully attract a less... equestrian
clientele.

JONAS
We don't want to lose the historic
vibe.

From the shadows in the corner, a HOARSE LAUGH bubbles up.
JOSE (70s), face like old leather, lifts his head.

JOSÉ
Historic. Is that what you call
cracked formica and dim lighting?

He slumps back asleep.

FERN
Sorry about that. My uncle let him
sleep it off. Every day.

JONAS
Well. That stops now.

Jonas walks over to the drunk. Liv watches Fern. Something
unsaid between them.

FERN
(sotto)
Nice to have you back.

Seeing him stirs emotions she's not ready to face. She turns
on her heels and heads to the door.

LIV
(to Jonas)
I'm going for cleaning supplies. Be
back soon with air freshener to start.

Jonas watches Fern watch Liv walk out into the sun.

JONAS
Hey. Help me with this dead beat.

Fern shakes off his daydream, helps Jonas gently lift Jose.

FERN
He's harmless.

JONAS
No such thing as harmless.
Genres: ["Drama","Mystery"]

Summary In the nostalgic bar El Milagro Perdido, Liv reminisces about her childhood while playing a song on the Wurlitzer, prompting Jonas to express his dissatisfaction with the bar's condition. Their conversation is interrupted by Fern, the bartender with a complicated history with Liv, leading to an awkward exchange. As Jonas and Fern discuss the bar's future, they also deal with José, a drunk patron, highlighting the bar's current struggles. Liv leaves to fetch cleaning supplies, leaving unresolved tensions between her and Fern, while Jonas grapples with the bar's challenges.
Strengths
  • Strong character development
  • Intriguing dialogue
  • Atmospheric setting
Weaknesses
  • Limited action
  • Lack of immediate high stakes

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively sets the tone for the story, introducing key characters and conflicts while maintaining a sense of intrigue and depth. The dialogue is sharp and reveals layers of the characters' personalities.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of revitalizing a historic cantina while facing the challenges of the past and present is intriguing and sets up potential conflicts and resolutions. The scene introduces themes of nostalgia, change, and hidden secrets.

Plot: 8

The plot advances as Jonas and Liv begin to confront the reality of their investment in El Milagro Perdido, setting up potential obstacles and character arcs. The introduction of Fern adds complexity and foreshadows future developments.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces unique characters and settings, such as the rundown bar and the interactions between the characters, which add freshness and authenticity to the familiar trope of a new proprietor taking over a business.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-defined through their actions, dialogue, and interactions, showcasing their personalities and motivations. Liv's playful demeanor contrasts with Jonas's frustration, while Fern's mysterious presence adds depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 7

While there are subtle hints at character growth and revelations, the scene primarily focuses on establishing the characters' personalities and relationships. Liv's playful facade and Fern's mysterious demeanor hint at potential changes to come.

Internal Goal: 8

Jonas' internal goal is to assert his authority as the new proprietor of the bar and make changes to attract a different clientele. This reflects his desire for control and success in his new venture.

External Goal: 7

Jonas' external goal is to renovate the bar and make it more appealing while maintaining its historic vibe. This reflects the immediate challenge of balancing tradition with modernization.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The scene introduces interpersonal conflicts between the characters, as well as the external conflict of renovating the cantina. Tensions simmer beneath the surface, hinting at deeper conflicts to come.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting desires and hidden tensions between the characters that create uncertainty and intrigue.

High Stakes: 7

While the stakes are not explicitly high in this scene, the characters' investments in El Milagro Perdido and the hints at hidden secrets and conflicts suggest that the outcome of their endeavors could have significant consequences.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing key characters, conflicts, and themes, setting up future developments and resolutions. It establishes the central conflict of renovating El Milagro Perdido and hints at hidden secrets and tensions.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected interactions between the characters, the mysterious background of the bar, and the hints of hidden tensions and secrets.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between preserving history and tradition versus embracing change and modernization. This challenges the characters' beliefs about the importance of heritage and progress.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from frustration and nostalgia to intrigue and tension. The interactions between characters and the setting create a melancholic atmosphere that resonates with the audience.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is sharp, revealing character dynamics, conflicts, and subtext. It adds depth to the scene and drives the narrative forward, capturing the characters' personalities and relationships.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the dynamic interactions between the characters, the mysterious atmosphere of the bar, and the hints of hidden emotions and conflicts.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and revealing character dynamics, with a balance of dialogue, action, and description that keeps the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with well-defined character introductions, conflicts, and resolutions, fitting the expected format for a character-driven drama.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes the atmosphere of El Milagro Perdido, using sensory details like the creaking doors and the dust motes to create a vivid setting. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext to deepen the characters' relationships and tensions. For instance, Liv's quick cover-up about her past with Fern feels a bit forced and could be more nuanced to reflect her internal conflict.
  • Jonas's character comes across as frustrated and abrasive, which is effective in showcasing his personality. However, his dialogue could be more varied to avoid repetitive expressions of irritation. Instead of just complaining about the beer and the atmosphere, he could have a moment of vulnerability or humor that adds depth to his character.
  • The introduction of Fern is intriguing, but the interaction between him and Liv lacks emotional weight. Their history is hinted at but not explored, leaving the audience wanting more context. This missed opportunity could enhance the tension and stakes in the scene, especially given Liv's immediate reaction to seeing him.
  • The humor in the scene, particularly with the sign about bad attitudes, is a nice touch, but it could be woven more seamlessly into the dialogue. Some of the jokes feel a bit forced and could be more organic to the characters' interactions.
  • The pacing of the scene feels uneven at times. The transition from the light-hearted banter to the more serious undertones regarding the bar's ownership and the presence of José could be smoother. A more gradual build-up to the tension would enhance the emotional impact.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more layers to the dialogue between Liv and Fern to reflect their shared history and the unresolved feelings between them. This could involve subtle glances or pauses that indicate their past without explicitly stating it.
  • Introduce a moment where Jonas shows a different side of his personality, perhaps through a humorous anecdote or a brief moment of self-reflection, to balance his frustration and make him more relatable.
  • Enhance the atmosphere by incorporating more sensory details that reflect the characters' emotions. For example, describe how the heat affects their mood or how the music from the Wurlitzer evokes memories for Liv.
  • Revisit the pacing of the scene to ensure a smoother transition between the comedic elements and the more serious undertones. This could involve adjusting the timing of the dialogue or adding brief moments of silence to allow the weight of certain lines to resonate.
  • Consider using the setting itself as a character in the scene. For example, the state of the bar could reflect the characters' emotional states, with more visual cues that symbolize their struggles and aspirations.



Scene 5 -  A Chance Encounter
INT. SMALL SUPERMARKET - AFTERNOON

Liv fills a basket with detergent, rags, Fabuloso, reaches
for a mop at the same time as DOÑA MAGDALENA, 50s, a wizened
miniature of a woman. Liv retracts her hand.

LIV
(Spanish, subtitled)
Sorry. It's yours.

Liv looks up with a kind smile.

MAGDA
Maria Olivia? Is that you?

LIV
Magda? I go by Liv now.

MAGDA
Come here, child. Bless you. I
thought I'd never see you again.

LIV
I didn't think I'd be back here
either.

Magda looks at Liv's basket of supplies.

MAGDA
You're working as a maid?

LIV
Oh. No. My husband and I bought
the old cantina on Insurgentes.
It's in dire need of a deep clean.

MAGDA
Surely, not with those hands.

LIV
That's what rubber gloves are for.

MAGDA
Or you can hire me. My mistress
just moved back to the U.S.
Genres: ["Drama","Slice of Life"]

Summary In a small supermarket, Liv runs into Doña Magdalena, an elderly woman from her past. They share a warm reunion, with Magda expressing happiness at seeing Liv again. Liv reveals her recent purchase of an old cantina that requires cleaning, prompting Magda to offer her services as a maid since her employer has moved away. This encounter highlights the themes of community and the subtle tension between Liv's desire for independence and her need for assistance, leaving the possibility of collaboration open.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Nostalgic tone
Weaknesses
  • Low conflict level
  • Limited plot progression

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.2

The scene effectively establishes a sense of nostalgia and community through the interaction between Liv and Doña Magdalena. It sets up a practical solution for cleaning the cantina while hinting at Liv's past and the challenges she faces in her new venture.


Story Content

Concept: 8.3

The concept of reuniting with a familiar face from the past while facing new challenges in the present is compelling. The introduction of the cleaning subplot adds a practical element to the story and hints at future developments.

Plot: 8

The plot progresses by introducing a new character, setting up a potential subplot, and deepening the emotional connection to Liv's past. The scene moves the story forward by adding layers to Liv's character and setting up future conflicts.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh approach to exploring identity and tradition through the lens of a multicultural relationship. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds a layer of originality to the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

Liv and Doña Magdalena are well-developed characters with distinct personalities and histories. Their interaction adds depth to Liv's character and hints at future challenges and growth. The scene effectively establishes their relationship and sets up potential conflicts.

Character Changes: 7

Liv experiences a subtle shift in her attitude towards accepting help, hinting at potential growth and change in her character. The reunion with Doña Magdalena triggers a reflection on Liv's past and future, setting the stage for character development.

Internal Goal: 8

Liv's internal goal in this scene is to navigate her past and present identity, as seen through her interaction with Doña Magdalena. It reflects her deeper need for acceptance and understanding of her choices and decisions.

External Goal: 7

Liv's external goal in this scene is to purchase cleaning supplies for the cantina she and her husband bought. It reflects the immediate challenge of renovating the old cantina and starting a new chapter in their lives.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

While there is a subtle conflict in Liv's reluctance to accept help from Doña Magdalena, the scene focuses more on establishing a sense of nostalgia and community. The conflict serves as a minor tension that adds depth to the characters and their relationships.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create tension and conflict, but not overwhelming to the point of overshadowing the characters' emotional depth and development.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes are relatively low in this scene, focusing more on establishing relationships, themes, and potential subplots. The emotional impact and character development take precedence over high-stakes conflicts.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing a new character, setting up a potential subplot, and deepening the emotional connection to Liv's past. It hints at future conflicts and challenges while adding layers to Liv's character.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected reunion between Liv and Doña Magdalena, the shift in power dynamics between the characters, and the hints of unresolved tension in their relationship.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around identity, tradition, and societal expectations. Liv's choice to go by 'Liv' instead of 'Maria Olivia' challenges the traditional naming conventions and societal norms represented by Doña Magdalena.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene has a strong emotional impact due to the heartfelt reunion between Liv and Doña Magdalena. The sense of nostalgia, community, and the passage of time evokes a range of emotions and adds depth to Liv's character.

Dialogue: 8.2

The dialogue is engaging, authentic, and reveals important information about Liv's past and current situation. The interaction between Liv and Doña Magdalena is heartfelt and adds emotional depth to the scene.

Engagement: 8

This scene is engaging because of the emotional depth of the characters' interactions, the subtle tension between Liv and Doña Magdalena, and the hints of a deeper backstory that pique the audience's curiosity.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a balance of dialogue and action that keeps the audience engaged. The rhythm of the scene enhances the emotional impact of the characters' interactions.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting. The visual descriptions enhance the reader's understanding of the setting and characters.

Structure: 9

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the effectiveness of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene effectively introduces a sense of nostalgia and connection between Liv and Magda, which is crucial for establishing Liv's past and her emotional ties to the town. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext to deepen their relationship. For instance, instead of simply stating 'I didn't think I'd be back here either,' Liv could reflect on her feelings about returning, hinting at unresolved issues or memories tied to her past.
  • The dialogue feels somewhat expository, particularly when Magda asks about Liv's current situation. While it's important to convey information, consider weaving it into the conversation more naturally. For example, instead of directly stating that Liv and her husband bought the cantina, she could mention it in passing, allowing the audience to infer the context.
  • The character of Magda is introduced as a warm and caring figure, but her dialogue could be enriched with more personality traits or quirks that make her memorable. Adding a unique phrase or mannerism could help distinguish her character and make her interactions with Liv more engaging.
  • The scene lacks a clear emotional arc or conflict. While there is a pleasant reunion, it feels somewhat flat without any tension or stakes. Introducing a subtle conflict, such as Liv's hesitation to accept help or Magda's concern about Liv's well-being, could add depth and keep the audience invested.
  • The setting of the supermarket is a good choice for a mundane yet relatable backdrop, but it could be described in more detail to enhance the atmosphere. Adding sensory details, such as the sounds of the supermarket or the smell of cleaning products, could immerse the audience further into the scene.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more subtext to Liv's dialogue to convey her emotional state and the complexity of her return to San Miguel. This could involve her reflecting on her past or expressing mixed feelings about her current situation.
  • Weave exposition into the dialogue more naturally. Instead of directly stating facts, allow characters to reveal information through their interactions and reactions, creating a more organic flow.
  • Enhance Magda's character by giving her a unique trait or catchphrase that reflects her personality. This will make her more memorable and add richness to her interactions with Liv.
  • Introduce a subtle conflict or emotional tension in the scene to create stakes. This could involve Liv's reluctance to accept help or Magda expressing concern for Liv's well-being, which would deepen their relationship.
  • Add more sensory details to the setting to create a vivid atmosphere. Describing the sights, sounds, and smells of the supermarket can help ground the scene and make it more engaging for the audience.



Scene 6 -  Beneath the Surface
INT. EL MILAGRO PERDIDO - NIGHT

Jonas wipes his finger across the bar. Takes a satisfied swig
from a bottle of beer. The fridge gauge now reads 4 degrees.

Magda stows a mop and bucket in the supply closet, walks over
to Jonas, smiling, proud.

MAGDA
(Spanish, subtitled)
Okay, señor. That's my time for
today. I'll see you tomorrow. Thank
you so much for putting your trust
in me. I feel blessed. Truly.

JONAS
Uh. No hablo Spanish.

Magda keeps her smile, but her warmth just went out the window.

MAGDA
Ah. Muy bien. Hasta mañana.

Liv walks in from the kitchen, admires the gleaming tile,
spotless tables.

LIV
(Spanish, subtitled)
Magda, you're a marvel. I can't
believe how lucky I was to run into
you.

MAGDA
Ah, my child, that's the magic of
San Miguel.
(MORE)

MAGDA (CONT'D)
It might not give you what you want,
but it'll always bring you what you
need. Surely you can't have forgotten.

LIV
I expect it will come back to me.
(walking her to the
door)
Do you need me to call a taxi?

As Liv opens the swing door, Kit Hendrix, Guayabera, Panama
hat, steps aside, tips his hat.

MAGDA
Gracias, Señor Kit. Gracias, niña.
I like to feel the night air on my
face. Keep these old legs strong.

Liv watches Magda cross the cobblestone street, head high.

LIV
We're not really open.

KIT
Kit Hendrix. Heard you'd be landing
today. Thought I'd introduce myself.
Fill you in on the local scene, if
you get my drift.

LIV
That's neighborly. Come meet my
husband. He'll appreciate the
lowdown.
(calling out)
Jonas!

Jonas walks out of the Men's baño, washes his hands at the
sink. Kit walks in like he owns the place. Shakes Jonas’s
damp hand. Liv heads to the kitchen.

JONAS
Jonas Fry. That's my wife, Liv.

KIT
Kit Hendrix.

JONAS
Beer?

KIT
Sure. And mezcal.

Jonas surveys the shelves of dusty liquor bottles.

KIT (CONT'D)
The good stuff's under the counter.

Kit reaches over the bar, pulls up a bottle. Winks. He walks
to the jukebox.

Jonas opens beers, sets out glasses, pours mezcal. Kit presses
buttons, walks back to the bar.

KIT (CONT'D)
Salud! Already smells better.

"SABOR A MI" by Los Panchos & Eydie Gormé plays in b.g.

JONAS
So, this your local?

KIT
Some folks call it my office.

JONAS
So we'll be seeing you a lot then?

Fern exits the kitchen, a shopping list in hand.

FERN
(over his shoulder)
(Spanish, subtitled)
I'll pick these up first thing.

LIV (O.S.)
Thanks, Fern. Really appreciate
your input.

Kit eyes Jonas as he tracks Fern walking out the door.

KIT
You're keeping Pepe's nephew on?

JONAS
Bit of a know-it-all, but I'd rather
have cocky than sticky fingers. He
the type to skim? Or just screw my
wife?

Liv walks in from the kitchen, beaming happily.

LIV
What a great first day. Don't mind
if I call it quits, do you?
(pecks Jonas on cheek)
I hear a shower calling. You two
behave.

Liv leaves. Jonas locks the door, returns behind the bar,
pours shots of mezcal.

JONAS
You were saying?

KIT
He's a local, but also not. Lived
in Bangkok, Berlin, Barcelona..

JONAS
Where else? Brussels, Beijing,
Berlin?

KIT
Try more mercenary. Tel Aviv.
Damascus. He has business interests.
Came back when he heard his uncle
had cancer.

JONAS
May he rest in peace.
(downs a shot)
Doing what?

KIT
Depends who's asking. And who's
paying.
Genres: ["Drama","Mystery"]

Summary In the vibrant El Milagro Perdido bar, Jonas unwinds with a beer after a long day, while cleaner Magda expresses her gratitude in Spanish, only to be met with his language barrier. Liv, Jonas's supportive wife, praises Magda before she departs. Kit Hendrix arrives, introducing himself and sharing unsettling insights about a local worker named Fern, raising Jonas's suspicions. The scene culminates with Jonas pouring mezcal shots as he and Kit delve into the troubling implications of Fern's past.
Strengths
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Mysterious atmosphere
  • Strong character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Limited action
  • Some dialogue may be too subtle for audience comprehension

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.2

The scene effectively sets up a mysterious and tense atmosphere through the introduction of Kit Hendrix and the interactions between the characters. The dialogue is engaging and hints at deeper conflicts and secrets, keeping the audience intrigued.


Story Content

Concept: 8.3

The concept of introducing a mysterious character and setting up potential conflicts and secrets in a nostalgic cantina setting is well-executed. The scene effectively establishes the tone and themes of the screenplay.

Plot: 8

The plot is advanced through the introduction of Kit Hendrix and the hints at underlying conflicts and secrets. The scene sets up future developments and adds depth to the narrative.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces fresh and intriguing characters, such as Kit Hendrix, and explores themes of trust and deception in a unique setting. The dialogue feels authentic and adds depth to the characters' interactions.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters are well-developed, with Kit Hendrix adding a mysterious and intriguing element to the scene. The interactions between Liv, Jonas, and Kit hint at complex relationships and tensions.

Character Changes: 7

There are subtle hints at character changes, especially in the dynamics between Liv, Jonas, and Kit. The introduction of Kit Hendrix adds a new element that could lead to significant character developments.

Internal Goal: 8

Jonas's internal goal in this scene is to maintain control and assert his authority in the bar. This reflects his deeper need for stability and security, as well as his fear of losing control over his business and personal life.

External Goal: 7

Jonas's external goal is to establish a rapport with Kit Hendrix and gather information about him. This reflects the immediate challenge of navigating new relationships and potential threats to his business.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

There is a moderate level of conflict present in the scene, mostly in the form of underlying tensions and potential conflicts between the characters. The conflict adds depth to the interactions.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Kit Hendrix posing a mysterious and potentially threatening presence. Jonas's interactions with Kit create tension and uncertainty, adding depth to the scene.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are moderate in the scene, with hints at potential conflicts and secrets that could impact the characters' lives. The introduction of Kit Hendrix raises the stakes and adds intrigue.

Story Forward: 8

The scene effectively moves the story forward by introducing new characters, setting up potential conflicts, and deepening the relationships between the existing characters. It adds layers to the narrative.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the mysterious nature of Kit Hendrix and the underlying tensions between the characters. The audience is left wondering about the true intentions of the characters.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the themes of trust, loyalty, and deception. Kit's mysterious background and ambiguous intentions challenge Jonas's beliefs about honesty and loyalty in relationships.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7.5

The scene has a moderate emotional impact, mostly stemming from the mysterious and tense atmosphere created by the interactions between the characters. The audience is intrigued and invested in the unfolding dynamics.

Dialogue: 8.2

The dialogue is engaging and reveals subtle tensions and dynamics between the characters. It effectively conveys the mysterious and tense atmosphere of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its rich cultural setting, intriguing character dynamics, and subtle conflicts. The dialogue and interactions keep the audience invested in the unfolding story.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by balancing dialogue exchanges with visual descriptions and character actions. The rhythm keeps the audience engaged and maintains the tension of the scene.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with proper scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting. The visual descriptions enhance the atmosphere of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear character introductions, dialogue exchanges, and scene transitions. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the effectiveness of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes the atmosphere of El Milagro Perdido and introduces key characters, but it could benefit from deeper character development. For instance, Jonas's dismissive attitude towards Magda's Spanish could be explored further to highlight his character flaws or insecurities.
  • The dialogue flows well, but some lines feel a bit on-the-nose, particularly Kit's introduction and his comments about the local scene. This could be an opportunity to show rather than tell, allowing the audience to infer Kit's character through his actions and interactions rather than explicit statements.
  • The tension between Jonas and Kit is introduced but not fully realized in this scene. The dialogue hints at underlying conflicts, particularly regarding Fern, but it could be more impactful if there were subtle visual cues or body language that indicate Jonas's discomfort or suspicion.
  • Liv's exit feels abrupt and could be enhanced by a more emotional farewell or a moment that emphasizes her connection to the bar and her husband. This would help to establish her character's motivations and emotional stakes more clearly.
  • The use of music is a nice touch, but it could be integrated more meaningfully into the scene. For example, the song playing could reflect the mood or themes of the conversation, adding another layer of depth to the scene.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment where Jonas reacts to Magda's Spanish beyond just stating he doesn't understand it. This could provide insight into his character and set up future conflicts.
  • Instead of Kit explicitly stating his background, show it through his demeanor or a brief anecdote that reveals his mercenary past, making the audience curious about his character.
  • Enhance the tension between Jonas and Kit by incorporating more non-verbal cues, such as Jonas's body language or facial expressions, to convey his discomfort with Kit's presence.
  • Give Liv a more poignant moment before she leaves, perhaps a line that reflects her hopes or fears about the bar, which would deepen her character and the stakes of the scene.
  • Use the music to underscore the emotional tone of the scene. Perhaps the lyrics of the song could resonate with the themes of trust and betrayal being explored in the dialogue.



Scene 7 -  Echoes of AMOR
EXT. SAN MIGUEL DE ALLENDE - ALLEYWAY - NIGHT

Fern slows as he approaches a colorful mural: "AMOR" under a
streetlight. In the corner, the artist's signature: an ornate
OM. He crouches to touch it.

FERN
(sotto)
Olivia Maria.

O.S. FOOTSTEPS. Fern rises, about to walk on.

LIV
Oh. I didn't expect you to be here.

He turns to face her.

LIV (CONT'D)
I thought this would be painted over.

FERN
They tried. I paid to fix it. Keep
it fresh. With your signature.

LIV
I don't deserve that.

FERN
How could you have just left?

LIV
It wasn’t like that.

FERN
No? I waited. I thought you were
going to miss the bus. Then I
realized you didn’t miss anything.
You'd already gone without me.

He looks at her, not angry. Just undone.

FERN (CONT'D)
Not even a goodbye?

She looks up at him. For a second, we see the younger versions
of both of them, in their eyes, hers pleading for forgiveness.

LIV
Fern, I’m sorry.

He's older, wiser, nods. O.S. footsteps RUNNING.

LIV (CONT'D)
I really have to go.

FERN
Yeah.

She starts to walk away, turns.

LIV
Tonight. You played our song.

FERN
I'm surprised you remember.

LIV
As if I could forget.

She hurries away. Fern watches her disappear, resigned.
Genres: ["Drama","Romance"]

Summary In a dimly lit alleyway in San Miguel de Allende, Fern stands before a mural reading 'AMOR,' reminiscing about Olivia Maria. Liv unexpectedly appears, and they engage in a poignant conversation where Fern reveals he has been maintaining the mural with her signature. Liv expresses guilt for leaving without a proper goodbye, but is in a hurry to leave. Their exchange is filled with nostalgia, particularly over a song that symbolizes their past connection. As Liv departs quickly, Fern is left feeling hurt and abandoned, watching her walk away under the streetlight.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Poignant dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Limited external conflict
  • Reliance on past backstory

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys the emotional depth and complexity of the relationship between Liv and Fern, creating a poignant and reflective atmosphere that resonates with the audience.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of revisiting a past relationship and exploring the lingering emotions and regrets is compelling and adds depth to the characters and the overall narrative.

Plot: 8

The scene advances the plot by delving into the emotional history between Liv and Fern, adding layers to their characters and setting the stage for potential conflicts and resolutions.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh approach to the theme of lost love and unresolved relationships. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

Liv and Fern are well-developed characters with complex emotions and a history that drives their interactions, adding depth and authenticity to the scene.

Character Changes: 8

Both Liv and Fern experience a subtle shift in their emotions and perspectives during the scene, hinting at potential growth and resolution in their relationship.

Internal Goal: 8

Fern's internal goal in this scene is to seek closure and understanding from Liv for her sudden departure. This reflects his deeper need for closure and resolution in their relationship.

External Goal: 7

Fern's external goal in this scene is to confront Liv about her departure and express his feelings towards her. This reflects the immediate challenge he faces in dealing with their unresolved past.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, revolving around the unresolved emotions and past history between Liv and Fern, creating a sense of tension and emotional turmoil.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Fern confronting Liv about her departure and expressing his feelings towards her. The audience is left uncertain about how their interaction will unfold.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes in the scene are primarily emotional, centered around the unresolved feelings and past connection between Liv and Fern, adding depth and complexity to their relationship.

Story Forward: 7

While the scene primarily focuses on character development and emotional depth, it also hints at the complexities of Liv and Fern's past, setting the stage for future conflicts and resolutions.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected emotional revelations and shifts in the characters' interactions. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how the confrontation will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the clash between forgiveness and closure. Fern struggles with forgiving Liv for leaving without a goodbye while also seeking closure for himself.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes a strong emotional response from the audience, tapping into themes of regret, longing, and unresolved love, creating a poignant and heartfelt moment.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue between Liv and Fern is poignant and laden with unspoken emotions, effectively conveying the weight of their past and the unresolved tension between them.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the emotional tension between the characters and the unresolved nature of their relationship. The audience is drawn into their complex dynamic and conflicting emotions.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and suspense through the characters' dialogue and interactions. The rhythm of the scene enhances the emotional impact of their confrontation.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character dialogue. The formatting enhances the readability and flow of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm contribute to its effectiveness.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures a moment of emotional tension between Fern and Liv, highlighting their shared past and unresolved feelings. The use of the mural as a backdrop symbolizes their history and the permanence of memories, which adds depth to their conversation.
  • The dialogue is poignant and feels authentic, particularly in how it reflects the characters' emotional states. Liv's apology and Fern's sense of abandonment are conveyed well, creating a relatable conflict that resonates with the audience.
  • However, the pacing of the scene could be improved. The transition from the emotional confrontation to Liv's hurried departure feels abrupt. A more gradual build-up to her need to leave could enhance the emotional weight of the moment.
  • The visual elements, such as the colorful mural and the streetlight, are evocative but could be described in more detail to create a stronger sense of place. This would help immerse the audience in the setting and enhance the emotional atmosphere.
  • The scene ends on a note of resignation, which is effective, but it might benefit from a stronger emotional hook or a line that leaves the audience wanting more. A final line or action that encapsulates their unresolved feelings could enhance the impact.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of silence or a shared look between Fern and Liv after she apologizes, allowing the weight of their history to linger before she leaves. This could heighten the emotional stakes.
  • Expand on the description of the mural and the alleyway to create a more vivid setting. For example, describe the colors of the mural, the texture of the wall, or the sounds of the night to enhance the atmosphere.
  • Introduce a small physical action or gesture from either character that reflects their emotional state, such as Fern clenching his fists or Liv hesitating before turning away. This can add a layer of subtext to their dialogue.
  • Consider adding a line or two that hints at what Liv is rushing off to do, which could create a sense of urgency and give the audience insight into her current life situation.
  • Explore the possibility of a more impactful final line from either character that encapsulates their feelings or the unresolved nature of their relationship, leaving the audience with a lingering sense of tension.



Scene 8 -  Tensions Unpacked
INT. JONAS & LIV'S TEMP RESIDENCE – NIGHT

Boxes trail like breadcrumbs through the hall to the

BEDROOM

Suitcases spill clothes like guts. Liv, hair twisted in a
towel, barefoot in oversized T, HUMS as she hangs clothes.

O.S. front door opens, keys JANGLE, land in a bowl.

Jonas enters - rumpled, unbuttoned, buzzed. He flops onto the
bed. Liv tugs a dress from beneath him.

JONAS
What a fucking circus!

LIV
And we're only on day one. Lucky
us.

JONAS
Man. That Kit. Wow.

LIV
(deadpan)
Wow?

JONAS
He knows everything about everyone.
Creepy in a weird, comforting way.

LIV
And what do you know about him?

He watches her as she stretches on tiptoe to hang a dress.

JONAS
You just get home?

LIV
No. Of course not.

She crosses back to the bed, chooses another dress, hands
trembling under his watchful eye.

JONAS
How’s working with Fern?

LIV
Fern? Fine. Why?

JONAS
You two have history, huh?

LIV
We passed notes in math. We weren't
cheating, just making fun of the
teacher.

JONAS
I hired Kit.

LIV
Yeah. To do what?

JONAS
Keep an eye on things.

LIV
What kind of things?

JONAS
Everything. Can't be too careful.

LIV
Why not install a camera? You said
we're broke.

He stands slowly. Crosses to her. Looms over her. He caresses
her cheek, his attempt at intimacy.

JONAS
I prefer the personal touch.

She doesn’t flinch, but doesn’t melt either. She looks up, a
brittle smile, walks to the bathroom, shuts the door.

Jonas walks to the window. Stares out into the night. O.S. a
guitar strums mournfully.

JONAS (CONT'D)
Fuck.

He PUNCHES the wall. The wall wins.

IN BATHROOM

Liv pulls a prescription container from Jonas's soap bag.

JONAS (O.S.) (CONT'D)
You seen my Xanax?

The container clearly says "Xanax." She opens it, pops one in
her mouth, hesitates, then dumps the rest down the toilet.

LIV
You're all out. Need to get more.

The toilet FLUSHES. Liv dabs cream on her face, smiles.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In a chaotic bedroom at night, Liv unpacks clothes while Jonas, looking disheveled, expresses frustration about their situation and discusses a character named Kit. Their conversation reveals underlying tensions in their relationship, particularly regarding Jonas's decision to hire Kit for oversight, which Liv questions. As Jonas seeks physical connection, Liv retreats to the bathroom, where she finds Xanax, takes one, and flushes the rest, symbolizing her desire to distance herself from Jonas's issues. The scene ends with Liv engaging in self-care, highlighting her struggle for independence amidst their turmoil.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Tension-building
Weaknesses
  • Limited external action
  • Lack of resolution in the scene

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively creates a tense and emotional atmosphere through the interactions between Jonas and Liv. It provides insight into their characters and sets up potential conflicts and resolutions.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring the complexities of a marriage through subtle interactions and dialogue is well-executed. The scene sets up potential conflicts and character growth.

Plot: 8

The plot progresses by revealing the strained relationship between Jonas and Liv, hinting at past issues and potential conflicts. It sets the stage for future developments within the story.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh approach to relationship dynamics, with nuanced character interactions and authentic dialogue that feel true to life.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Jonas and Liv are well-developed in this scene, showcasing their individual struggles and the dynamics of their relationship. Their interactions reveal layers of complexity and potential for growth.

Character Changes: 8

Both Jonas and Liv undergo subtle changes in this scene, revealing new layers of their characters and hinting at potential growth and development in future interactions.

Internal Goal: 8

Liv's internal goal in this scene is to maintain a sense of control and independence in her relationship with Jonas, despite his intrusive behavior and attempts at intimacy.

External Goal: 7

Jonas' external goal is to keep an eye on things and maintain a sense of security in the temporary residence.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between Jonas and Liv is subtly portrayed through their interactions, hinting at underlying tensions and unresolved issues within their marriage.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting desires and motivations between Liv and Jonas creating tension and uncertainty.

High Stakes: 7

While the stakes are not overtly high in this scene, the emotional and relational stakes between Jonas and Liv are significant, setting the stage for potential conflicts and resolutions.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by deepening the relationship dynamics between Jonas and Liv, setting up potential conflicts and resolutions that will impact the overall narrative.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting power dynamics between Liv and Jonas, the unexpected actions taken by Liv, and the unresolved tension.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the themes of trust, control, and intimacy in relationships. Liv and Jonas have differing views on privacy and security.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes a strong emotional response from the audience, drawing them into the intimate and tense moments between Jonas and Liv. It sets up a compelling emotional arc for the characters.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the tension and intimacy between Jonas and Liv. It reveals their inner thoughts and emotions, adding depth to their characters.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the tension between Liv and Jonas, the subtle power dynamics at play, and the hints of deeper conflict.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, with well-timed reveals and character interactions.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows standard formatting conventions for a screenplay, with clear scene headings and character actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a traditional structure for a dramatic dialogue-driven scene, with clear character motivations and conflict.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes the tension between Jonas and Liv, showcasing their strained relationship through dialogue and actions. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext; while it hints at deeper issues, it sometimes feels too on-the-nose, particularly in Jonas's comments about Kit and Liv's history with Fern.
  • The physicality of the scene is strong, with the imagery of the messy apartment reflecting their chaotic lives. However, the emotional stakes could be heightened by incorporating more sensory details that evoke the atmosphere of their surroundings, such as the sounds of the city outside or the smell of the clothes being unpacked.
  • Liv's action of taking the Xanax and flushing the rest down the toilet is a powerful moment that signifies her desire to distance herself from Jonas's issues. However, this action could be better foreshadowed earlier in the scene to enhance its impact. For instance, hints of her anxiety or discomfort with Jonas's behavior could be woven into their conversation.
  • The pacing of the scene feels uneven at times. The transition from their conversation to Liv's moment in the bathroom could be smoother. Consider using a more gradual build-up to the climax of Liv's action, perhaps by extending the dialogue or adding a moment of silence that emphasizes the tension before she retreats to the bathroom.
  • Jonas's physical aggression towards the wall is a strong visual cue of his frustration, but it could be more impactful if it were preceded by a moment of internal struggle or hesitation. This would add depth to his character and make his outburst feel more justified and relatable.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more subtext to the dialogue, allowing the characters' true feelings to emerge through their interactions rather than stating them outright.
  • Incorporate sensory details to enhance the atmosphere of the scene, making the setting feel more immersive and reflective of the characters' emotional states.
  • Foreshadow Liv's action of taking the Xanax earlier in the scene to create a stronger emotional impact when she ultimately decides to flush the rest down the toilet.
  • Smooth the transition between the conversation and Liv's bathroom moment by building tension through pauses or silence, allowing the audience to feel the weight of the moment.
  • Add a moment of internal conflict for Jonas before he punches the wall, which would provide insight into his character and make his frustration more relatable.



Scene 9 -  Kitchen Whispers
INT. EL MILAGRO PERDIDO – KITCHEN – MORNING

Sun streams in from a window high in the wall. Magda, cheerful,
focused, mops the floor, HUMS "Sabor a Mi."

At the center island, Liv and Fern empty bags - veggies, bread,
olives, cheese.

FERN
And the pièce de résistance.

Fern holds a prawn up. It glistens fresh and pink in the light.

LIV
How much did that set us back?

FERN
My cousin trucks in seafood daily.
Gave us friends and family rate.

LIV
(flirtatious)
Us?

FERN
Until you guys get set up.

LIV
(disappointed)
You're not sticking around?

FERN
Depends on the opportunity.

LIV
Make sure you track every peso.
Jonas watches money like a dog guards
a bone.

Liv pulls out an old handwritten cookbook, flips it open to
one of several pages marked with a sticky tab.

LIV (CONT'D)
Magda, you're going to love this.
Abuela's camarón al mojo de ajo.

Magda turns the book over to read the cover.

MAGDA
Your grandmother will be dancing in
heaven to see her recipes come alive
again.

Liv kisses her locket, lets it slip back under her neckline.

FERN
And, for the late-nighters, quick
and easy snacks in the micro.
(opens a box)
Empanadas... rajas, pollo, setas...

LIV
Another friend?

FERN
Mai oui. San Miguel runs on IOUs
and good faith. Which reminds me-

The door bursts open. Jonas strides in, crumpled linen already
limp. His eyes dart between the three. Magda resumes mopping.
Fern walks past him out to the bar.

JONAS
What's this? Cooking class?

LIV
Morning, sleepy head.

JONAS
Why didn't you wake me?

LIV
Me poke the bear?

He catches Magda looking sideways at Liv, at him.

JONAS
I'm off to Queretaro. Catch that
sale on restaurant supplies. You
coming?

LIV
Gosh. Sounds fun, but I have these
ingredients with ticking clocks
(holding up a shrimp)
and recipes I need to test. Can't
it wait til the AC's fixed?

JONAS
The sooner we open, the sooner the
money rolls in... so, no.

He walks out. The door BANGS.

LIV
If you need a consult, send a pic or
video call... you know, technology!

Liv sags with relief. Magda reassures her with a pat on the
arm. Fern walks in, sets down mugs of coffee. O.S. "Sabor de
Mi" plays.

FERN
(pleading innocence)
I swear. There's a ghost in the
machine.

Liv stomps out to the

BAR

Kit steps away from the jukebox.

KIT
That song. Never gets old.

LIV
We don't open til noon.

KIT
I can walk around the block for three
minutes. Or...

LIV
(checks her watch)
Fuck, it's that time already?

Kit plops down at a table around the end of the bar, tucked
away with a view of the entire space.

KIT
Just black coffee and mezcal for me
and my colleague.

Liv peers over to see the leather-faced old man.

KIT (CONT'D)
José.

LIV
When did he sneak in?

KIT
He's a fixture. Get used to it.

José hands Kit a handful of paper slips. Kit flips through
them, tears them into tiny peaces, burns them in an ashtray.

Liv serves them coffee, watches the papers turn to ash.

LIV
Next time, give just them to me.
I'll put them in the trash.

KIT
People dig through trash. Be warned.

She takes the ashtray, walks off.

SECONDS LATER

Liv sets down a plate of orange slices and Tajin with two
glasses. She pours shots of mezcal.

LIV
I guess you're our security now.
You want me to run a tab? Or bring
a bigger ashtray?

KIT
Is that your way of saying you trust
me?

José lets out a little SNORT. Liv eyes Kit, unsure.

JOSÉ
Trust is cheap in this town. It's
the payback that bleeds.

As José reaches for his mug, Liv notices he's missing a pinky.

KITCHEN

Liv enters. Fern slices avocado with finesse. He passes her a
spoon of something creamy and green.

FERN
Try this. Lime, chile, pepita.
Creamy. Kicks like a mule.

LIV
(tasting)
A tad more lime?

Fern grabs a lime. Their shoulders brush. Neither pulls away.
Genres: ["Drama","Romance"]

Summary In the sunlit kitchen of El Milagro Perdido, Liv prepares for the restaurant opening while navigating her responsibilities and a budding connection with Fern. As they unpack fresh ingredients, Liv shares a cherished family recipe, but tension arises when Jonas insists on prioritizing business over cooking. After Jonas leaves, Liv feels a sense of relief, and the atmosphere lightens with the arrival of Kit and José. The scene culminates in a playful moment between Liv and Fern as they taste a creamy avocado mixture, hinting at their growing intimacy.
Strengths
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Character development
  • Cultural themes
Weaknesses
  • Subtle conflict
  • Moderate stakes

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively establishes the setting, introduces key characters, and sets up potential conflicts and resolutions. The dialogue is engaging and reveals layers of the characters' personalities, creating intrigue and emotional depth.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring culinary connections and family recipes adds depth to the scene, highlighting the characters' shared passion for cooking and their cultural heritage.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene revolves around the interactions in the kitchen, setting up potential conflicts and resolutions related to the characters' relationships and shared goals. It moves the story forward by establishing key dynamics and themes.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces fresh elements such as traditional Mexican recipes, a close-knit community, and subtle hints at deeper conflicts. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and add depth to the story.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Liv, Fern, and Magda are well-developed through their interactions and dialogue, showcasing their personalities, motivations, and relationships. Each character brings a unique perspective to the scene, adding depth and complexity.

Character Changes: 8

The characters undergo subtle changes in their interactions and relationships, hinting at potential growth and development in future scenes. Liv, Fern, and Magda show hints of evolving dynamics and motivations.

Internal Goal: 8

Liv's internal goal is to honor her grandmother's legacy by reviving her recipes and making the restaurant successful. This reflects her desire to connect with her family's past and create a thriving business.

External Goal: 7.5

Liv's external goal is to open the restaurant successfully and make it profitable. She faces challenges such as fixing the AC, testing recipes, and dealing with her business partner's impatience.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7.5

The conflict in the scene is subtle but present, hinted at through the characters' interactions and underlying tensions. It sets up potential conflicts and resolutions for future developments.

Opposition: 7.5

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicts arising from Liv's business partner's impatience, Kit and José's mysterious presence, and the challenges of opening a successful restaurant.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes in the scene are moderate, focusing on the characters' relationships, goals, and conflicts related to their culinary endeavors. The emotional and personal stakes are prominent, hinting at potential challenges and resolutions.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by establishing key relationships, conflicts, and themes related to culinary connections and family recipes. It sets up potential developments and resolutions for future plot points.

Unpredictability: 7.5

The scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected arrival of Jonas, the introduction of Kit and José, and the hints at deeper conflicts that may unfold in the future.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict revolves around trust and loyalty in a town where trust is seen as cheap and payback is valued. Liv's interactions with Kit and José highlight the theme of trust and its consequences.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene has a strong emotional impact, particularly in the interactions between Liv, Fern, and Magda, which reveal their shared passion for cooking and the revival of family recipes. The nostalgia and tension add depth to the emotional resonance of the scene.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is engaging and reveals the characters' personalities, relationships, and motivations effectively. It adds depth to the scene and creates tension and intrigue.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its lively interactions, cultural elements, and underlying conflicts that keep the audience invested in the characters' journey.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-balanced, with a mix of dialogue, action, and character interactions that keep the story moving forward. The rhythm of the scene contributes to its effectiveness in building tension and setting up future events.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected format for a kitchen setting in a screenplay, with clear descriptions of characters' actions and dialogue. The formatting enhances the visual and emotional impact of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a natural flow of interactions between characters, building tension and setting up future conflicts. The dialogue and actions are well-paced and contribute to the overall narrative.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes a lively atmosphere in the kitchen of El Milagro Perdido, showcasing the camaraderie between Liv, Fern, and Magda. The use of dialogue to convey their relationships is strong, particularly in the playful banter between Liv and Fern, which hints at a deeper connection.
  • However, the scene could benefit from more tension or conflict to heighten the stakes. While there are hints of Jonas's controlling nature and Liv's desire for independence, these themes could be more explicitly woven into the dialogue or actions to create a sense of urgency or impending conflict.
  • The introduction of Kit and José adds an interesting layer, but their presence feels somewhat disconnected from the main action in the kitchen. Integrating their dialogue more seamlessly with Liv and Fern's cooking could enhance the flow and create a more cohesive scene.
  • The dialogue is generally engaging, but some lines could be tightened for clarity and impact. For example, Liv's line about Jonas watching money like a dog guards a bone could be rephrased to be more concise and punchy, enhancing its comedic effect.
  • The visual elements are strong, particularly the imagery of the fresh prawn and the vibrant kitchen. However, the scene could benefit from more sensory details to immerse the audience further, such as the sounds of cooking or the smells wafting through the kitchen.
Suggestions
  • Introduce a minor conflict or tension between Liv and Jonas earlier in the scene to foreshadow the challenges in their relationship. This could be done through Liv's internal thoughts or a brief exchange that highlights her frustration with his controlling nature.
  • Consider weaving Kit and José's dialogue more closely with the cooking action, perhaps by having them comment on the food or the atmosphere in a way that ties back to Liv and Fern's preparations.
  • Tighten the dialogue by removing any unnecessary words or phrases. For example, rephrase Liv's line about Jonas to make it more impactful and humorous.
  • Add more sensory details to the scene, such as the sounds of sizzling food or the aroma of fresh ingredients, to create a more immersive experience for the audience.
  • Explore Liv's emotional state more deeply, perhaps through her internal monologue or subtle physical cues, to convey her feelings about Jonas and her connection with Fern.



Scene 10 -  A Cut Above: Urgency in the Kitchen
EXT. HIGHWAY ON OUTSKIRTS OF QUERETARO – AFTERNOON

Hot. Dry. Wall to wall traffic. Jonas’s SUV crawls along.
Cars switch lanes. HORNS HONK. Dust and tempers fly.

INT. JONAS'S SUV

JONAS
Should’ve bought the damn stuff in
Mexico City.

The car hits a pothole, lurches. He THUMPS the steering wheel.

INT. EL MILAGRO PERDIDO – KITCHEN – AFTERNOON

Fern chops onions. Liv, beside him, fast and focused, slices
peppers. Magda pops in and out from the bar, dusting, mopping.

Liv slices a poblano, flinches. She drops the knife. Blood
pools. Without thinking, Fern sucks the blood from her finger.

LIV
Fern!

Though startled, she doesn't pull away. Magda hurries to the
sink, soaks a towel in water, wrings it tight.

MAGDA
(Spanish, subtitled)
You need stitches, mija.

LIV
I'm fine. Just tape it.

MAGDA
You don't look fine, more like a Dia
de Muertos Catrina.

FERN
(grabbing car keys)
We’re going. My friend's a doc.

No point arguing. Liv wraps the towel around her finger.
Genres: ["Drama","Romance"]

Summary As Jonas navigates heavy traffic outside Querétaro, he regrets not stocking up in Mexico City. Meanwhile, in the kitchen of El Milagro Perdido, Fern and Liv are cooking when Liv accidentally cuts her finger. Fern instinctively tends to Liv's wound, surprising her, while Magda insists on stitches. Liv, determined to downplay her injury, prefers tape, but Fern insists on taking her to a doctor, showcasing a blend of urgency and care in the face of Liv's reluctance.
Strengths
  • Authentic character interactions
  • Emotional depth
  • Tension building
Weaknesses
  • Limited external plot progression
  • Moderate stakes

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.2

The scene effectively builds tension through the kitchen accident, showcases intimate moments between characters, and conveys a sense of concern for Liv's well-being.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of showcasing character dynamics through a kitchen accident is engaging and adds depth to the relationships in the story.

Plot: 8

The plot progresses as Liv's injury leads to interactions between characters, revealing their personalities and connections. The scene contributes to the overall narrative by developing character relationships.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to a common situation by blending elements of urgency, cultural references, and interpersonal dynamics. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters' reactions to Liv's injury provide insight into their personalities and relationships. Liv, Fern, and Magda are portrayed authentically, adding depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 8

Liv's injury prompts subtle changes in the characters' interactions and relationships, deepening their connections and revealing new aspects of their personalities.

Internal Goal: 8

Jonas's internal goal is to deal with the frustration and stress of the traffic and the situation at hand.

External Goal: 9

The protagonist's external goal is to get Liv medical attention for her injured finger.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7.5

The conflict arises from Liv's injury and the characters' differing responses to the situation. Tension is present but not overwhelming.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Liv's injury presenting a significant obstacle for the characters to overcome.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are moderate in the scene, with Liv's injury leading to character revelations and potential shifts in relationships.

Story Forward: 7

While the scene primarily focuses on character dynamics, it contributes to the story by developing relationships and setting up future conflicts.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the sudden injury to Liv and the characters' unexpected reactions, adding tension and uncertainty to the narrative.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between the characters' desire to downplay Liv's injury and her actual need for medical attention. This challenges their beliefs about toughness and self-sufficiency.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene evokes emotions of concern, care, and intimacy as characters react to Liv's injury. The audience is likely to feel connected to the characters' experiences.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue effectively conveys the characters' emotions and concerns during the kitchen mishap. It enhances the tension and intimacy of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the high stakes, fast-paced action, and interpersonal drama that keeps the audience invested in the characters' fates.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining a sense of urgency and tension throughout, keeping the audience engaged in the unfolding events.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with proper scene headings and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear transitions between locations and a focus on character interactions.


Critique
  • The scene effectively contrasts the tension of Jonas's frustration in traffic with the more intimate and urgent situation in the kitchen. This juxtaposition creates a sense of urgency and heightens the stakes for Liv, who is injured and needs immediate care.
  • The dialogue is functional but could benefit from more subtext. For example, Jonas's line about regretting not buying supplies in Mexico City could hint at deeper frustrations about his life choices or his relationship with Liv, adding layers to his character.
  • The moment where Fern sucks the blood from Liv's finger is striking and unexpected, but it could be enhanced by exploring Liv's internal reaction more deeply. How does this action affect her feelings towards Fern? Is there a mix of shock, attraction, or discomfort? This could add complexity to their relationship.
  • Magda's character is introduced as a caring figure, but her dialogue feels somewhat clichéd. The line about Liv looking like a 'Dia de Muertos Catrina' could be rephrased to feel more organic and less like a trope. This would help in making her character feel more unique and relatable.
  • The pacing of the scene is generally good, but the transition from Jonas's frustration to the kitchen could be smoother. Consider adding a brief moment of silence or a visual cue that emphasizes the shift in tone, allowing the audience to absorb the change in setting and mood.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more internal monologue or reaction from Liv after Fern sucks her blood to explore her feelings about the moment and their relationship dynamics.
  • Enhance the dialogue by incorporating more subtext that reflects the characters' emotional states and relationships, particularly between Liv and Fern, and Jonas's frustrations.
  • Rework Magda's dialogue to make it feel more authentic and less like a cliché. Perhaps she could express her concern in a more personal way that reflects her character's background.
  • Smooth the transition between the two settings by using a visual or auditory cue, such as a lingering sound from the traffic that fades as we enter the kitchen, to help the audience adjust to the change in tone.
  • Consider adding a brief moment of hesitation or conflict in Liv's decision to go with Fern, which could deepen the emotional stakes and highlight her internal struggle.



Scene 11 -  Plate Frustrations and Stitched Smiles
INT. SUPPLY STORE – QUERETARO – AFTERNOON

Jonas stares at plates — white, black, red, round, square.
He lifts up a square matte-black plate, flips it over.

JONAS
“Made in China.” Where else?

A CLERK, 20, hurries by. Jonas lifts a hand, like a school
kid trying to get attention.

JONAS (CONT'D)
(really gringo accent)
Perdon. Esto viene in redondo?

CLERK
Yes. Over there. Round ones, too.

JONAS
Thanks for nothing.

The Clerk walks on. Jonas drops the plate. It SMASHES. He
kicks the pieces out of sight.

He texts Liv: “White or black? Round or square?” Waits.
Nothing. Taps the screen. Shakes the phone. Still nothing.

INT. HOSPITAL - EXAM ROOM – AFTERNOON

Liv sits on the edge of the table, her finger stitched. A
DOCTOR, 30s, wraps a gauze bandage.

DOCTOR
(Spanish, subtitled)
The good news is, you'll live to
kill another shrimp.

LIV
Actually, it was a poblano.

FERN
Be honest. You did it for attention.

LIV
Obviously. Who doesn’t want stitches
on a first date?

A silence. She realizes what she's said. Fern smiles. She
smiles back. The Doctor winks at Liv.

LIV (CONT'D)
Thanks, Doc. Your first night's on
the house. Bring a date.
Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

Summary In a Queretaro supply store, Jonas humorously critiques various plates but feels dismissed by a clerk, leading to frustration and an accidental breakage. Meanwhile, in a hospital exam room, Liv receives stitches for her finger injury, engaging in playful banter with her friend Fern and the doctor. The scene contrasts Jonas's irritation with Liv's light-heartedness, culminating in her inviting the doctor to join her on a date.
Strengths
  • Humorous dialogue
  • Playful banter between characters
  • Character depth and development
Weaknesses
  • Minimal conflict
  • Low stakes

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively blends humor, romance, and character dynamics, providing a light-hearted yet engaging moment in the story.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of combining humor with a touch of romance in a mundane setting like a supply store and a hospital exam room is innovative and adds depth to the characters.

Plot: 8

The plot progresses through character interactions and humor, showcasing Liv and Jonas's relationship dynamics and adding depth to their personalities.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to a common situation of choosing plates, adding humor and cultural elements to make it unique. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed, with Liv and Jonas displaying humor, warmth, and depth in their interactions. Fern adds a touch of romance and playfulness to the scene.

Character Changes: 7

Liv's interaction with Fern and the doctor showcases a subtle change in her demeanor, adding depth to her character.

Internal Goal: 8

Jonas' internal goal in this scene is to make a decision about which plates to choose, reflecting his deeper need for control and his desire for validation from Liv.

External Goal: 7

Jonas' external goal in this scene is to choose the right plates for an event, reflecting the immediate challenge of making a decision under pressure.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

The conflict in the scene is minimal, focusing more on humor and character interactions rather than intense drama.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create tension and uncertainty, such as Jonas' frustration with the Clerk and Liv's banter with Fern.

High Stakes: 5

The stakes in the scene are relatively low, focusing more on character interactions and humor rather than intense conflict.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by developing Liv and Jonas's relationship dynamics and introducing elements of humor and romance.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected reactions of the characters, such as Jonas smashing the plate and Liv's witty responses.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is between Jonas' desire for control and validation, and the Clerk's indifference and lack of assistance. This challenges Jonas' beliefs about the importance of attention to detail and customer service.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7.5

The scene evokes a sense of warmth and amusement, engaging the audience emotionally through humor and playful interactions.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is witty, humorous, and natural, capturing the playful banter between characters and adding depth to their relationships.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the witty dialogue, character dynamics, and the tension created by Jonas' frustration and Liv's situation.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by balancing dialogue, action, and character interactions to maintain the audience's interest.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings, dialogue formatting, and action descriptions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear character introductions, conflict, and resolution.


Critique
  • The scene effectively contrasts Jonas's frustration with the mundane task of shopping for plates against Liv's more urgent and personal situation in the hospital. This juxtaposition highlights the emotional distance between the characters, which is a strong narrative choice.
  • Jonas's dialogue is infused with sarcasm, which adds depth to his character, but it may come off as overly cynical. The line 'Thanks for nothing' feels a bit flat and could benefit from more emotional weight or a humorous twist to better reflect his frustration.
  • The transition between Jonas's scene and Liv's scene is somewhat abrupt. While the contrast is clear, a smoother transition could enhance the flow of the narrative. Perhaps a visual or auditory cue could bridge the two scenes more effectively.
  • Liv's banter with the doctor and Fern is playful and lightens the mood, but it risks undermining the seriousness of her injury. The line about wanting stitches on a first date is clever but could be perceived as dismissive of her situation. Balancing humor with the gravity of her injury is crucial.
  • The scene lacks a strong emotional arc for Jonas. While he is frustrated, there is little development or change in his character throughout this scene. Adding a moment of reflection or a realization could enhance his character's depth.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment where Jonas reflects on his situation or his relationship with Liv while shopping, which could provide insight into his emotional state and deepen his character.
  • Revise Jonas's sarcastic lines to include more personality or humor that aligns with his character's frustrations, making them feel more authentic and relatable.
  • Introduce a visual or auditory element that connects the two scenes, such as a sound of an ambulance or a visual of Liv's hospital room, to create a smoother transition.
  • Reassess the balance of humor in Liv's dialogue. While it's important to maintain her character's wit, ensure that it doesn't overshadow the seriousness of her injury. Perhaps she could express a moment of vulnerability before making a joke.
  • Explore Jonas's emotional journey further in this scene. Perhaps he could have a moment of self-doubt or frustration that leads him to text Liv, revealing his need for her input and connection.



Scene 12 -  Frustration at La Casa de las Golondrinas
EXT. PARKING LOT – SUPPLY STORE – AFTERNOON

Jonas stomps across the hot pavement pushing a cart of boxes.
He loads them into the SUV. Pulls out his phone, irritated.
He dials. Straight to voicemail.

JONAS
Goddam it, Olivia. You never answer
when I need you.

He SLAMS the trunk closed.

INT. EL MILAGRO PERDIDO – KITCHEN - LATE AFTERNOON

Liv sits propped on a tall stool, glass of wine in hand.
Magda pours mezcal into shot glasses for her and Fern.

MAGDA
Suerte!

TIME DISSOLVE - Fern and Magda share her grandma's cookbook,
flip between pages as they each follow different recipes.

Liv tastes, redirects. Platters of food multiply.

INT. JONAS'S SUV - HIGHWAY TO QUERETARO - LATE AFTERNOON

The freeway is a parking lot. Up ahead a cerveza sign
FLICKERS. Jonas drums the wheel, eyes his phone on the seat.

JONAS
Fuck it.

He veers onto the shoulder, a trail of dust in his stead.
WHEELS to a stop in front of

ROADSIDE BAR - LA CASA DE LAS GOLONDRINAS

Hot pink walls. Christmas lights. A half dozen QUEENS in heels,
glitter and falsies, fan themselves. Jonas steps in. Silence.

ROADSIDE COWBOY
(spits tobacco)
(Spanish, subtitled)
Stupid idiot.

An old QUEEN CACKLES. The CHATTER resumes. Jonas sits at the
bar, eyes the mirror behind the bottles, watches his back.
Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

Summary Jonas, frustrated by Olivia's unavailability, pushes a cart of boxes across a hot parking lot and drives through congested traffic before stopping at a roadside bar, La Casa de las Golondrinas. Inside, he encounters a judgmental cowboy and observes the lively atmosphere created by the bar's staff, Magda and Fern, as well as the laughter of an old queen. Despite the vibrant surroundings, Jonas feels isolated and reflects on his irritation with Olivia, leaving the conflict unresolved as he sits alone at the bar.
Strengths
  • Engaging character interactions
  • Effective blend of humor and tension
  • Dynamic setting
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development for secondary characters

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively blends humor, tension, and character development in a dynamic setting, keeping the audience engaged and intrigued.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of showcasing character dynamics and conflicts in a unique setting is well-executed, adding depth to the narrative and engaging the audience.

Plot: 8

The plot progresses through character interactions and conflicts, adding layers to the story and setting up future developments.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces unique cultural elements and character dynamics, offering a fresh perspective on themes of connection and escape. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed and their interactions drive the scene forward, showcasing their personalities and relationships effectively.

Character Changes: 8

The characters undergo subtle changes in their dynamics and relationships, setting up potential developments in future scenes.

Internal Goal: 8

Jonas's internal goal in this scene is to find a sense of connection or support, as evidenced by his frustration with Olivia not answering his calls. This reflects his deeper need for emotional support and understanding.

External Goal: 7

Jonas's external goal is to find a distraction or escape from his current situation, as shown by his impulsive decision to veer off the highway and enter the roadside bar. This reflects the immediate challenge of feeling overwhelmed or lost.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7.5

The scene contains moderate conflict, primarily driven by character interactions and tensions, adding depth to the narrative and setting up future developments.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create conflict and challenge the protagonist's actions, leading to a sense of uncertainty and suspense.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are moderate in the scene, primarily driven by character conflicts and tensions, setting up potential consequences for future developments.

Story Forward: 9

The scene effectively moves the story forward through character interactions and conflicts, setting up future developments and adding depth to the narrative.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because it subverts expectations and introduces unexpected twists and turns that challenge the characters' beliefs and actions.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the idea of seeking solace or connection in unexpected places, challenging Jonas's beliefs about where he can find support or understanding.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from frustration to humor to tension, engaging the audience and adding depth to the character interactions.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is engaging, with a mix of humor, tension, and emotion that adds depth to the character interactions and drives the scene forward.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it introduces dynamic characters, unique settings, and a sense of mystery that keeps the audience invested in the story.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by creating a sense of tension and urgency, leading to a satisfying resolution.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings, action lines, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear and engaging structure that builds tension and intrigue, leading to a compelling resolution.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures Jonas's frustration and isolation, contrasting his chaotic emotional state with the vibrant atmosphere of the roadside bar. However, the transition from the parking lot to the bar feels abrupt. A smoother transition could enhance the flow of the narrative.
  • Jonas's dialogue is straightforward and conveys his irritation well, but it lacks depth. Adding a line that reveals more about his emotional state or his relationship with Liv could create a stronger connection with the audience.
  • The introduction of the roadside cowboy and the queens adds a colorful layer to the scene, but their presence could be utilized more effectively. Consider giving them a line or two that interacts with Jonas, which could heighten the tension or humor in the scene.
  • The visual descriptions are vivid, particularly the 'hot pink walls' and 'Christmas lights,' which create a striking image. However, the scene could benefit from more sensory details that evoke the atmosphere of the bar, such as sounds, smells, or the feel of the environment.
  • The use of a time dissolve to show the progression of time in the kitchen is a creative choice, but it may confuse the audience if not clearly indicated. Consider using a more explicit transition or a brief line of dialogue to clarify the shift in time and location.
Suggestions
  • Enhance the emotional depth of Jonas's character by adding a line that reflects his internal struggle or his feelings about Liv's absence.
  • Consider incorporating dialogue from the roadside cowboy or the queens that interacts with Jonas, which could add humor or tension and make the scene feel more dynamic.
  • Add more sensory details to the roadside bar scene to immerse the audience in the environment, such as the sounds of laughter, the smell of alcohol, or the feel of the heat.
  • Clarify the time transition between the kitchen and the roadside bar by adding a brief line of dialogue or a visual cue that indicates the passage of time more clearly.
  • Explore the potential for a moment of reflection for Jonas as he observes the bar patrons, which could provide insight into his character and enhance the scene's emotional impact.



Scene 13 -  A Night of Warmth and Tension
INT. EL MILAGRO PERDIDO – EVENING

Magda LIGHTS candles with Virgin of Guadalupe decals. The bar
GLOWS warm. The jukebox hums “Sabor a Mí."

Liv dances as she sets out food and paper plates on the bar.
Fern walks in, sets a box on the counter.

FERN
Look what clever Magda found.
(pulling out a wine
glass)
A whole box, unbroken... and not to
be outdone.
(holds up 2 bottles
of red wine)

Liv pecks him on the cheek. It's spontaneous, innocent, but
catches Kit's attention as he walks out of the Men's room.

KIT
Ghost in the machine’s got taste.

Kit takes Magda's hand, twirls her in a slow dance.

AT THE DOOR

Two heads poke in - CARLOS, 19, designer shades and expensive
tattoos; LUIS, 18, Gucci and Louis Vuitton. Liv steps forward.

LIV
(Spanish, subtitled)
We're not officially open but, come...
Tell me what you think of the food.

They exchange looks, step in. José watches them with shrewd
eyes. Liv steers them to the food, hands them plates.

LIV (CONT'D)
Beer or wine? On the house.

Kit collapses into a seat, winded.

KIT
I'm outta gas. Someone else take
the wheel.

Fern walks over to Magda, hands extended. She GIGGLES, waves
him off. He turns to Liv. The jukebox switches gears, plays
"Hay un Hombre Aparecido" by Tony Camargo - upbeat, tropical.

FERN
You wouldn't deny your hero of the
day... surely?

Kit watches:

- Liv hesitate, then LAUGH.

- Fern light up as he wraps an arm around her waist, before
twirling her into the center of the room.

- Magda CLAP along.

- Jose HUM along, TAP his feet.

- Carlos and Luis carry plates and beers to a table.

- Carlos flip his jacket as he sits, reveal a gun.

Kit raises his glass, nods to Carlos and Luis. They raise
their bottles, return the nod.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In the cozy bar El Milagro Perdido, Magda sets a warm atmosphere with candles while Liv prepares food and welcomes guests. Fern arrives with wine, and the group enjoys light-hearted interactions, including dancing and playful banter. However, the mood shifts dramatically when Carlos reveals a gun, introducing an unsettling tension that contrasts sharply with the earlier joviality. The scene ends with a charged atmosphere as Kit acknowledges Carlos and Luis, leaving the characters in a precarious situation.
Strengths
  • Tension-building
  • Intriguing character interactions
  • Subtle hints of danger
Weaknesses
  • Limited emotional impact
  • Character changes not prominently featured

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively builds tension and mystery through character interactions and subtle cues, keeping the audience engaged and curious about the unfolding events.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene, focusing on hidden motives, interpersonal dynamics, and potential conflicts, is well-developed and engaging.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene advances through character interactions, hints at potential conflicts, and sets up future developments, keeping the audience invested in the unfolding story.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a familiar setting but adds a fresh twist with the introduction of potential danger and the nuanced character interactions. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters in the scene are well-defined, with distinct personalities and motivations that drive the interactions and conflicts, adding depth to the narrative.

Character Changes: 7

While there are hints of character dynamics and tensions, significant character changes are not prominently featured in this scene.

Internal Goal: 8

Liv's internal goal in this scene is to create a welcoming and inclusive atmosphere at the bar, showcasing her nurturing and hospitable nature.

External Goal: 7

Liv's external goal is to attract customers to the bar and provide them with a positive experience, potentially leading to increased business and reputation.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8.5

The scene is filled with subtle conflicts, tensions, and hints of danger, keeping the audience on edge and curious about the unfolding events.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the introduction of potential danger through Carlos and the underlying tension that contrasts with the warm atmosphere of the bar.

High Stakes: 8

The scene hints at high stakes through subtle cues of danger, hidden motives, and potential conflicts, keeping the audience engaged and curious about the unfolding events.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing new conflicts, character dynamics, and potential plot developments, setting the stage for future events.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the sudden shift from a warm, inviting atmosphere to the introduction of potential danger with Carlos revealing a gun, adding a layer of suspense and uncertainty.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the juxtaposition of hospitality and potential danger, as seen in the contrast between the warm, inviting atmosphere and the subtle threat of violence introduced by Carlos.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7.5

The scene evokes a sense of tension, intrigue, and curiosity, but the emotional impact is more subdued compared to the suspenseful elements.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue in the scene is engaging, revealing character dynamics, tensions, and hints at underlying conflicts, enhancing the overall atmosphere and intrigue.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the blend of warm character interactions, subtle tension, and the introduction of potential conflict, keeping the audience invested in the unfolding events.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by balancing moments of warmth and tension, gradually building up the suspense and keeping the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions, character actions, and dialogue cues.

Structure: 9

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear character introductions, dialogue exchanges, and a gradual build-up of tension.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes a warm and inviting atmosphere in El Milagro Perdido, contrasting the previous tension with a sense of community and celebration. The use of music and dancing adds a lively energy that engages the audience.
  • The interactions between Liv, Fern, and Kit are playful and flirtatious, which helps to develop their relationships and character dynamics. However, the introduction of Carlos and Luis with the gun creates an abrupt shift in tone that could be more seamlessly integrated to maintain narrative flow.
  • The dialogue is mostly natural and reflects the characters' personalities well, but it could benefit from more subtext. For example, Liv's invitation to Carlos and Luis could hint at her underlying motivations or fears about their presence, adding depth to her character.
  • The visual elements, such as the candles and the jukebox, are strong and contribute to the scene's ambiance. However, the transition from the light-hearted dancing to the reveal of the gun feels jarring. A more gradual build-up to this moment could enhance the tension and foreshadowing.
  • Kit's comment about the 'ghost in the machine' is intriguing but lacks context. It could be more impactful if it tied into the themes of the screenplay, perhaps reflecting on the hidden dangers in the town or the characters' pasts.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment of hesitation or concern from Liv when Carlos reveals the gun, which would heighten the tension and foreshadow potential conflict.
  • Incorporate more subtext in the dialogue, particularly in Liv's interactions with Carlos and Luis, to hint at her awareness of the danger they represent.
  • Explore Kit's comment about the 'ghost in the machine' further, perhaps by having him elaborate on it or by showing how it relates to the unfolding events in the bar.
  • To create a smoother transition between the celebratory atmosphere and the introduction of danger, consider adding a moment where the music shifts or the characters' expressions change subtly before the gun is revealed.
  • Enhance the visual storytelling by including more sensory details, such as the smell of the food or the feel of the warm candlelight, to immerse the audience further in the scene.



Scene 14 -  After the Soft Launch
EXT. ROADSIDE BAR – NIGHT

Jonas stumbles out to his SUV, punches his phone. It RINGS
O.S. No answer. He gets behind the wheel, peels off.

INT. EL MILAGRO PERDIDO – NIGHT

The jukebox winds down. Kit swirls his mezcal, watches: Fern
bag trash, carry dishes to the kitchen; Liv pour the last
sips of wine into her glass as she wipes the counter.

Carlos and Luis bring their empty bottles to the bar.

LIV
(Spanish, subtitled)
Well? What’d you think? Be honest.

LUIS
We'll be back.

LIV
Repeat customers. Gotta love that.

Luis crosses to José at Kit's table, hoists him up.

LUIS
Come on, uncle. Let's get you home.

José MUMBLES. Carlos shoulders the other side. They both give
Kit a nod. He nods back, an unspoken understanding. \As they
walk out, Kit pushes back his chair. Pulls on his Panama hat.

KIT
That was a hell of a soft launch.

LIV
Yeah. Make sure you give my husband
a full and honest report.

Kit tips his hat, walks out.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary Jonas leaves a roadside bar in frustration after failing to reach someone by phone. Inside El Milagro Perdido, the atmosphere is winding down as Kit observes the staff cleaning up after a soft launch event. Liv engages with Luis and Carlos, who express their intention to return as customers, while Luis helps his inebriated uncle José. Kit shares a moment of understanding with them before leaving, and Liv reminds him to provide an honest report about the event. The scene captures a mix of camaraderie and underlying tension as the characters reflect on the evening.
Strengths
  • Natural dialogue
  • Complex character relationships
  • Effective tone shifts
Weaknesses
  • Lack of immediate high stakes
  • Some predictable character interactions

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively balances tension, character dynamics, and light-hearted moments, creating an engaging and multi-layered atmosphere.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene, focusing on the aftermath of a soft launch event at a bar, is well-developed and provides insight into the characters' relationships and dynamics.

Plot: 8.5

The plot of the scene advances through character interactions and subtle revelations, adding depth to the overall narrative and setting up potential conflicts.

Originality: 9

The scene demonstrates originality through its use of Spanish language, cultural references, and nuanced character interactions. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds depth to the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters in the scene are well-defined and interact in a way that reveals their personalities, relationships, and underlying tensions, adding richness to the story.

Character Changes: 7

While there are subtle shifts in character dynamics and revelations, the scene focuses more on establishing relationships and tensions rather than significant character changes.

Internal Goal: 8

Kit's internal goal in this scene is to maintain a successful soft launch of the bar and earn repeat customers. This reflects his desire for validation and success in his business venture.

External Goal: 7

Kit's external goal is to ensure the safety and well-being of his uncle José, who is being taken home by Carlos and Luis. This reflects the immediate challenge of caring for his family while managing his business.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The scene contains subtle conflicts and tensions, particularly with the introduction of Carlos and the unspoken dynamics between the characters, adding depth to the narrative.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create tension and uncertainty, as Kit must balance honesty with success and care for his family.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes in the scene are moderate, with hints of potential conflicts and tensions but without immediate high-risk situations, setting the stage for future developments.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing new elements, deepening character relationships, and setting up potential conflicts, adding layers to the narrative.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the subtle tensions and unspoken understandings between the characters. The audience is left wondering about the future of the bar and Kit's relationships.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the tension between honesty and success. Liv asks for an honest opinion from the customers, while Kit must balance honesty with the need to maintain a positive image for the bar.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene elicits a range of emotions, from tension to coziness to light-heartedness, engaging the audience and deepening their connection to the characters.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue in the scene is natural and engaging, reflecting the characters' emotions and motivations while moving the story forward.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its rich character dynamics, cultural authenticity, and subtle conflicts. The dialogue and interactions draw the audience into the world of the bar.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and maintaining the audience's interest. The rhythm of the dialogue and character movements adds to the atmosphere of the scene.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene headings and dialogue formatting. The visual descriptions enhance the atmosphere of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a character-driven drama, with a focus on dialogue and character interactions. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the effectiveness of the scene.


Critique
  • The transition from the roadside bar to El Milagro Perdido is effective in maintaining the tension established in the previous scene. However, the emotional stakes could be heightened by incorporating more internal conflict for Jonas as he leaves the bar. A brief moment of reflection or frustration could add depth to his character and enhance the audience's connection to his plight.
  • The dialogue in this scene is light and playful, which contrasts nicely with the tension introduced by Carlos revealing the gun in the previous scene. However, the stakes feel somewhat diminished in this moment. The characters' interactions could benefit from a hint of the underlying danger that Carlos's gun represents, perhaps through Liv's or Kit's reactions to the earlier incident.
  • The scene effectively showcases the camaraderie among the characters, particularly with Liv's playful banter with Luis and the nods exchanged between Kit and the departing patrons. However, the scene could be improved by adding more visual cues or actions that reflect the tension lingering from the gun reveal, such as characters glancing nervously or engaging in more subdued conversations.
  • Kit's line about giving Jonas a full and honest report feels somewhat disconnected from the rest of the scene. It could be more impactful if it included a hint of concern or foreboding about Jonas's state of mind, especially considering the earlier tension. This would create a stronger narrative thread linking the two scenes.
  • The scene ends rather abruptly with Kit's exit. A more gradual fade-out or a lingering shot on Liv or Kit could enhance the emotional weight of the moment, allowing the audience to absorb the atmosphere and the implications of the earlier gun reveal.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of introspection for Jonas as he leaves the roadside bar, perhaps showing his frustration or regret about his situation to deepen his character.
  • Incorporate subtle reactions from Liv or Kit that acknowledge the tension from the previous scene, such as nervous glances or hushed tones, to maintain a sense of unease.
  • Enhance the dialogue to reflect the underlying danger of the situation, perhaps by having Liv or Kit make a comment that hints at the gun incident, creating a more cohesive narrative.
  • Rework Kit's line about the report to include a sense of concern for Jonas, which would tie the two scenes together more effectively and heighten the stakes.
  • Consider extending the scene's conclusion with a lingering shot or a moment of silence after Kit leaves, allowing the audience to feel the weight of the atmosphere and the unresolved tension.



Scene 15 -  Shadows of Jealousy
EXT. EL MILAGRO PERDIDO – ACROSS THE STREET - NIGHT

The cantina lights blink out. Fern shuts and locks the door.

Kit lingers in a doorway, watches as Liv and Fern walk the
narrow sidewalk, shoulders brushing. They turn toward the
town center. Distant FIREWORKS bloom overhead. They glance
up. Liv turns to Fern, smiling. He grins back.

EXT. JARDÍN PRINCIPAL – NIGHT

Fern and Liv stroll through the central square past MARIACHIS
playing for COUPLES on benches as OTHER COUPLES dance.

As they walk, their arms swing, hands almost touching. They
talk softly — voices drowned out by the MUSIC.

Kit doesn't need to hear. He can see their body language, how
they lean in, the way they LAUGH, tired and giddy from
adrenaline and wine.

Kit trails them at a distance. Just another shadow in a town
full of them.

EXT. EL MILAGOR PERDIDO – NIGHT

Jonas’s SUV crawls past. He peers through the windshield at
the bar, dark, locked for the night. He drives on.

INT. JONAS & LIV’S TEMP RESIDENCE – LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

Streetlight cuts across Jonas sitting in the dark. He swigs
from a bottle. He scrolls Liv’s name on his phone. Doesn’t
call. Just stares at the screen. Then slowly lowers it. He
sits in silence. His expression murderous.
Genres: ["Drama","Romance"]

Summary As Fern and Liv share a romantic moment under the fireworks in the town square, Kit watches from afar, feeling like an outsider. Meanwhile, Jonas, consumed by jealousy, sits alone in his dark living room, fixated on Liv's name on his phone, his expression filled with anger. The scene captures the contrast between the joyful festivities and Jonas's dark mood, highlighting the tension surrounding the budding relationship between Fern and Liv.
Strengths
  • Strong emotional depth
  • Complex character dynamics
  • Effective tension-building
Weaknesses
  • Some moments of ambiguity in character motivations

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys a range of emotions and tensions between characters, setting up intriguing dynamics and hinting at deeper conflicts to come.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring complex relationships and unspoken emotions in a romanticized setting is engaging and well-executed.

Plot: 8

The plot progression in the scene sets up conflicts and tensions that will likely drive future developments, making it a crucial moment in the story.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces fresh perspectives on themes of love and jealousy, with authentic character actions and dialogue that feel true to life.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters are well-developed and their interactions reveal layers of complexity and emotion, adding depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 8

The scene hints at potential character growth and changes, setting up future developments in the story.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to come to terms with his feelings for Liv and Fern, as well as his own sense of loneliness and isolation.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to observe Liv and Fern's interactions and potentially intervene in their relationship.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The scene is filled with underlying tensions and conflicts between characters, setting up potential dramatic developments in the story.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing internal and external challenges that create uncertainty and conflict.

High Stakes: 8

While the stakes are not overtly high in this scene, the underlying tensions and conflicts suggest potential high stakes in future developments.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by establishing key relationships, tensions, and conflicts that will drive future plot developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the characters' complex emotions and the potential for unexpected developments in their relationships.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around themes of love, jealousy, and self-discovery. The protagonist's beliefs and values are challenged by his emotions and desires.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from tension and longing to regret and isolation, creating a strong emotional impact on the audience.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue effectively conveys the tensions and emotions between characters, adding depth to their relationships and hinting at underlying conflicts.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its emotional depth, subtle character dynamics, and the sense of tension and anticipation.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene enhances its effectiveness by building tension and suspense, leading to a climactic moment.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows standard formatting conventions for its genre, with clear scene headings and descriptions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with well-defined settings and character interactions, fitting the expected format for its genre.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the contrasting emotional states of Liv and Fern versus Jonas, using visual storytelling to convey their connection and Jonas's isolation. The fireworks serve as a metaphor for celebration and joy, juxtaposed with Jonas's dark mood, which is a strong narrative choice.
  • The use of body language and visual cues to express the growing intimacy between Liv and Fern is well-executed. Their almost-touching hands and shared smiles create a palpable tension that hints at deeper emotional stakes, making the audience invested in their relationship.
  • Kit's role as an observer adds a layer of complexity to the scene. His position as a 'shadow' emphasizes his feelings of exclusion and foreshadows potential conflict. However, his motivations and feelings could be more explicitly conveyed to enhance audience empathy for his character.
  • The transition from the lively atmosphere of the town square to Jonas's dark, isolated living room is stark and effective. However, the scene could benefit from a stronger emotional connection to Jonas's internal struggle. His 'murderous' expression is intriguing but could be better supported by a clearer understanding of his motivations and emotional state.
  • The dialogue is minimal, which works well in this context, but adding a few lines of internal monologue or brief exchanges between Liv and Fern could deepen their connection and provide insight into their relationship dynamics.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of dialogue or internal thought from Kit to clarify his emotional state and motivations as he observes Liv and Fern. This could help the audience connect with his character more deeply.
  • Enhance the emotional weight of Jonas's scene by incorporating a flashback or a brief memory that explains his feelings towards Liv and their relationship. This could provide context for his 'murderous' expression and make his emotional turmoil more relatable.
  • Explore the use of sound design in the scene. The contrast between the lively mariachi music and the silence in Jonas's living room could be emphasized through sound editing, enhancing the emotional impact of the scene.
  • Consider using more descriptive language in the action lines to evoke the sensory experience of the night, such as the sounds of the fireworks, the warmth of the evening air, or the vibrant colors of the town square, to create a more immersive atmosphere.
  • To heighten the tension, you might include a moment where Jonas catches a glimpse of Liv and Fern from a distance, which could serve as a catalyst for his emotional reaction, making his isolation feel more immediate and impactful.



Scene 16 -  Bittersweet Goodbyes
EXT. LIV’S STREET – NIGHT

Liv stops under a streetlight at the corner, faces Fern.

LIV
I've got it from here.

Half a block back, Kit steps into the shadow of a tree.

For a second, it looks as if Liv and Fern will kiss. They
don’t. Fern smiles, starts to turn. She touches his arm.

LIV (CONT'D)
Thanks for... Everything.

FERN
For you? Whatever it takes.

She leans into him, cheek against his chest. He's about to
wrap his arms around her when she pulls away. She turns, walks
away with a backward wave.

Kit watches Fern walk away, forlorn.

INT. JONAS & LIV’S TEMP RESIDENCE - NIGHT

Liv walks in. Doesn't turn on lights. Goes straight to the

BEDROOM

Liv sits on the bed, pulls phone from her bag. She connects a
charger to a socket but the cable doesn't reach the bedside
table. She plugs in her phone, leaves it on the floor, knocks
the tip of her bandaged finger.

LIV
Ouch.

She collapses onto the bed, hugs a pillow over her head.
Genres: ["Drama","Romance"]

Summary Under a streetlight, Liv bids farewell to Fern, expressing gratitude and sharing a moment that nearly leads to a kiss, but she ultimately pulls away, leaving both of them feeling unresolved. Kit watches from a distance, saddened by the situation. Later, in her dimly lit temporary residence, Liv struggles with her phone charger and accidentally hurts her bandaged finger, leading her to collapse onto her bed in emotional exhaustion.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character dynamics
  • Intimate moments
Weaknesses
  • Limited plot progression
  • Low external conflict

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys a sense of intimacy and longing through the interactions between Liv, Fern, and Kit, while also highlighting Jonas's emotional isolation. The emotional depth and character dynamics make it engaging.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring intimate relationships and unspoken desires in a nighttime setting is well-realized. The scene effectively delves into the characters' emotional complexities.

Plot: 7.5

While the plot progression is subtle in this scene, the focus on character relationships and emotional development drives the narrative forward. The scene adds depth to the overall story.

Originality: 7

The scene introduces a familiar scenario of emotional vulnerability but adds a unique twist with the physical obstacle of the phone charger. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are richly developed, each with their own desires and conflicts. Liv, Fern, and Kit are portrayed with depth and complexity, making their interactions compelling.

Character Changes: 8

Liv and Fern experience a subtle shift in their relationship, hinting at deeper feelings and unspoken desires. Kit's unrequited feelings are also highlighted, adding complexity to the characters.

Internal Goal: 8

Liv's internal goal in this scene is to express gratitude and possibly seek comfort from Fern. This reflects her deeper need for connection and support in a moment of vulnerability.

External Goal: 7

Liv's external goal is to charge her phone, but she faces a small obstacle when the cable doesn't reach the bedside table. This reflects the immediate challenge she is facing in the scene.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

The conflict in the scene is more internal and emotional, focusing on the characters' desires and unspoken feelings. There is tension in the unfulfilled longing and unexpressed emotions.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create tension and uncertainty, keeping the audience engaged in the characters' struggles and desires.

High Stakes: 5

The stakes in the scene are more emotional and personal, focusing on the characters' desires and relationships. While there is tension and longing, the physical stakes are relatively low.

Story Forward: 7

While the scene doesn't significantly advance the main plot, it deepens the character relationships and adds emotional depth to the narrative. It sets the stage for future developments.

Unpredictability: 6

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected emotional dynamics between the characters and the physical obstacle of the phone charger. The audience is kept on their toes wondering how the interactions will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

There is a philosophical conflict between Liv's desire for emotional connection and Fern's willingness to provide support. This challenges Liv's beliefs about relationships and the nature of human connection.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes a strong emotional response from the audience, drawing them into the characters' inner turmoil and longing. The intimate moments and unspoken desires resonate deeply.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue effectively conveys the characters' emotions and inner thoughts, adding depth to the scene. The interactions feel authentic and contribute to the overall mood.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the emotional tension between the characters and the relatable struggle with a simple task like charging a phone. The audience is drawn into the characters' vulnerabilities and desires.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a gradual build-up of tension and emotion leading to a satisfying resolution. The rhythm of the scene enhances its effectiveness.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings and character actions. The formatting enhances the readability of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the effectiveness of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the emotional tension between Liv and Fern, showcasing their connection while also hinting at Liv's internal conflict. However, the moment feels somewhat abrupt, as the potential kiss is interrupted without a clear emotional payoff. This could leave the audience wanting more depth in their relationship dynamics.
  • The transition from the outdoor scene to Liv's internal struggle in her residence is well-executed, but the emotional weight of her actions could be enhanced. The physical pain from her bandaged finger serves as a metaphor for her emotional state, yet it could be more explicitly tied to her feelings about her relationship with Jonas and her connection to Fern.
  • Kit's presence as an observer adds a layer of complexity to the scene, but his motivations and feelings could be more clearly articulated. The audience may benefit from a brief moment of reflection from Kit, allowing them to understand his perspective on Liv and Fern's relationship.
  • The dialogue is functional but lacks a certain poetic quality that could elevate the emotional stakes. Liv's line, 'Thanks for... Everything,' feels vague and could be more specific to convey her gratitude and the weight of their shared experiences.
  • The visual elements, such as the streetlight and the shadow of the tree, create a moody atmosphere, but the scene could benefit from more sensory details. Describing the sounds of the night or the feeling of the cool air could enhance the immersive quality of the setting.
Suggestions
  • Consider expanding the moment between Liv and Fern to include more dialogue or physical interaction that reflects their emotional connection, allowing the audience to feel the tension of their almost-kiss.
  • Incorporate a brief internal monologue or visual cue from Kit that reveals his feelings about Liv and Fern's relationship, providing the audience with insight into his character and motivations.
  • Enhance Liv's emotional pain by tying her physical injury to her mental state more explicitly. Perhaps she could reflect on how her relationship with Jonas has caused her emotional wounds, paralleling her physical pain.
  • Revise Liv's dialogue to make it more specific and impactful. Instead of a vague 'Thanks for... Everything,' consider a line that highlights a particular moment or quality she appreciates about Fern, deepening their connection.
  • Add sensory details to the scene to create a more vivid atmosphere. Describe the sounds of the night, the coolness of the air, or the way the streetlight casts shadows, enhancing the emotional weight of the moment.



Scene 17 -  Morning Tensions
INT. EL MILAGRO PERDIDO – MORNING

Magda’s already cleaning, HUMMING softly. Liv walks in, hair
still damp, dark shades covering her restless night. She sets
down her bags, rolls up her sleeves, gets to work.

MAGDA
(Spanish, subtitled)
Madrugadora. You look like you
wrestled a ghost.

LIV
More like a whole haunted house.

Magda says nothing more, continues to polish and shine. Fern
enters, hands Liv a coffee.

FERN
Morning, jefa.

LIV
Cheers. This'll be my third today.

FERN
Good. Because we need this engine
to hum. Booze delivery will be here
in an hour.

INT. JONAS & LIV'S TEMP RESIDENCE – LIVING ROOM

Jonas, in the armchair, blinks awake, mouth parched, lumbers
to the

BEDROOM

Sees Liv's phone on the floor, still charging. He picks it
up, scrolls through the missed messages all from him. He taps
open the photo of the black plate he sent the day before.

JONAS
Technology. What a joke.

He slams the phone down, flops down on the bed.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In the morning at El Milagro Perdido, Magda cleans while teasing Liv about her rough night. Liv, looking disheveled, shares light banter with Magda and receives coffee from Fern, who reminds her of an upcoming booze delivery. Meanwhile, Jonas wakes up alone in their temporary residence, discovers Liv's phone, and reacts with frustration to her missed messages, highlighting the tension in their relationship. The scene blends light-hearted moments with underlying conflict, ending with Jonas slamming the phone down in frustration.
Strengths
  • Natural dialogue
  • Character interactions
  • Setting establishment
Weaknesses
  • Minimal plot progression
  • Low conflict level
  • Limited emotional impact

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 7.5

The scene effectively sets the tone for the day, establishes character dynamics, and hints at underlying tensions. However, it lacks significant plot progression and high emotional impact.


Story Content

Concept: 7.5

The concept of showcasing the morning routines of the characters in the cantina is well-executed, providing insight into their daily lives and relationships. However, it could benefit from more depth in terms of thematic exploration.

Plot: 6.5

The plot in this scene is minimal, focusing more on character interactions and setting up the day's events. While it establishes some tensions and connections, it lacks significant progression.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces unique characters and situations, with fresh dialogue and authentic emotions. The writer's voice adds a layer of originality to the familiar setting.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-portrayed in this scene, with their morning routines and interactions revealing aspects of their personalities and relationships. There is potential for further development and exploration of their dynamics.

Character Changes: 6

There are subtle hints at character changes, particularly in the interactions between Liv and Fern. However, the changes are not significant in this scene.

Internal Goal: 8

Liv's internal goal in this scene is to cope with the stress and challenges she is facing, as indicated by her tired appearance and sarcastic remarks. She is trying to maintain a sense of humor and resilience in the face of adversity.

External Goal: 7

Liv's external goal is to prepare the cafe for a booze delivery and ensure everything runs smoothly. This reflects the immediate task at hand and the need to keep the business running smoothly.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 5

The conflict in the scene is minimal, with subtle tensions and hints at underlying issues between the characters. While there is some conflict present, it is not the central focus of the scene.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create tension and conflict, but not overwhelming. It adds complexity to the characters' interactions and hints at potential obstacles to come.

High Stakes: 4

The stakes in the scene are relatively low, focusing more on daily routines and character interactions. While there are hints at tensions and connections, the overall stakes are not high.

Story Forward: 6

The scene moves the story forward by setting up the day's events and establishing character dynamics. While it lacks significant plot progression, it provides a foundation for future developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the characters' conflicting attitudes and the potential for unexpected developments. The audience is kept on their toes, unsure of how the situation will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

There is a philosophical conflict between Liv's sarcastic attitude towards technology and Jonas' frustration with it. This challenges their beliefs about the role of technology in their lives and work.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The scene has a moderate emotional impact, with moments of intimacy and reflection between the characters. While it evokes some sentiment, it could benefit from deeper emotional resonance.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue in the scene is natural and serves to establish the characters' relationships and dynamics. While it could be more impactful, it effectively conveys the morning interactions within the cantina.

Engagement: 8

This scene is engaging because of the dynamic character interactions, witty dialogue, and underlying tension. The audience is drawn into the characters' world and relationships.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a good balance of dialogue, action, and description. It maintains a steady rhythm and keeps the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions. The dialogue is formatted correctly, enhancing readability.

Structure: 9

The scene follows a clear structure with well-defined character actions and dialogue. It maintains a good pace and rhythm, contributing to its effectiveness.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes a contrast between Liv's chaotic night and the calm morning atmosphere at El Milagro Perdido. However, the transition from Liv's emotional state to the bar's environment could be more pronounced to enhance the impact of her struggles.
  • The dialogue between Liv and Magda is brief but serves to highlight their relationship. However, it could benefit from more depth or subtext to convey the weight of Liv's experiences more clearly. For instance, Magda's comment about Liv wrestling a ghost could be expanded to reflect her concern for Liv's well-being.
  • Fern's entrance with coffee is a nice touch, but his dialogue feels somewhat generic. Adding a personal touch or a specific reference to their shared experiences could strengthen their connection and make the moment feel more intimate.
  • Jonas's scene provides a stark contrast to Liv's, showcasing his frustration with technology and his emotional state. However, the transition between the two locations could be smoother. Consider using a visual or auditory cue to bridge the scenes, such as the sound of the bar's morning bustle fading into Jonas's silence.
  • The pacing of the scene is generally good, but the shift from the lively bar to Jonas's solitary moment could be more impactful. Consider incorporating a visual motif or a recurring line that ties both scenes together, emphasizing the emotional distance between Liv and Jonas.
Suggestions
  • Expand on Magda's dialogue to include more emotional depth, perhaps expressing concern for Liv or sharing a personal anecdote that resonates with Liv's current state.
  • Enhance Fern's character by giving him a line that reflects his understanding of Liv's struggles or a shared joke that lightens the mood, making their interaction feel more genuine.
  • Consider adding a visual element that symbolizes Liv's emotional turmoil, such as a reflection in a window or a moment where she hesitates before starting her work, to emphasize her internal conflict.
  • Create a more seamless transition between Liv's scene and Jonas's by incorporating a sound cue, like the distant laughter from the bar fading into Jonas's silence, to highlight their emotional separation.
  • Use a recurring motif, such as a specific phrase or object, that appears in both scenes to create a thematic connection, reinforcing the contrast between Liv's busy life and Jonas's isolation.



Scene 18 -  Morning Tensions at El Milagro Perdido
INT. EL MILAGRO PERDIDO – MORNING

Fern pulls liquor bottles from shelves. Magda wipes them clean.
Fern restocks the shelves, augments the old bottles with new.
Liv washes and dries glasses, arranges them on shelves.

Kit in his usual old-world elegance, strolls in, plops his
Panama on his regular table, ambles to the jukebox.

KIT
Tell me you’ve got coffee. Or a
reason to believe in humanity again.

Liv sets down a mug, pours him coffee. "Sabor di Mi" plays.

LIV
Surprised that vinyl hasn't worn
thin by now. I know my nerves are
heading that way.

KIT
A good time was had by all. You
can't have any regrets about that.

LIV
You heard from my husband?

KIT
Haven't you?

LIV
My phone was dead. And this
morning... I forgot to look.

KIT
He went to Queretaro yesterday?

LIV
That shouldn't be complicated, right,
even for him?

KIT
Maybe he decided to spend the night.

LIV
Wouldn't be the first time he ran
into a
(signing quotations)
Friend.

Fern quietly takes it all in.

INT. JONAS & LIV'S TEMP RESIDENCE – LIVING ROOM – DAY

Jonas paces. He pours himself a drink. TV plays a muted tele-
novela. He checks the tremble in his hands, gulps the booze.
Genres: ["Drama","Romance"]

Summary In the morning at El Milagro Perdido, Fern, Magda, and Liv engage in their routine bar tasks while Kit seeks coffee and expresses a desire for hope in humanity. Their conversation reveals Liv's anxiety over her missing husband, Jonas, who is shown in a separate scene struggling with distress in their temporary residence. The emotional tone is tense, highlighting Liv's concerns about Jonas's potential infidelity, leaving both her and the audience in suspense about his fate.
Strengths
  • Strong emotional depth
  • Nuanced character interactions
  • Engaging dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Limited external conflict
  • Some pacing issues

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys a mix of emotions and tensions, setting up intriguing dynamics between the characters and hinting at deeper conflicts.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring complex emotions and relationships in a bar setting is well-executed, adding depth to the characters and the overall narrative.

Plot: 8

The plot progression in the scene focuses on character dynamics and emotional revelations, moving the story forward through subtle interactions.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a familiar setting but adds originality through nuanced character interactions and emotional depth. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue enhances the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed, with nuanced personalities and conflicting emotions that drive the scene's tension and emotional impact.

Character Changes: 8

The characters experience subtle shifts in their emotions and relationships, hinting at deeper changes to come in the narrative.

Internal Goal: 8

Liv's internal goal is to find out about her husband's whereabouts and feelings, reflecting her need for connection and reassurance.

External Goal: 7

Liv's external goal is to understand her husband's actions and whereabouts, reflecting the immediate challenge of uncertainty and potential betrayal.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7.5

The scene contains subtle conflicts and tensions between the characters, adding depth to their relationships and driving the emotional dynamics.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting emotions and motivations driving the characters' actions.

High Stakes: 7

While the stakes are not overtly high, the emotional stakes for the characters are significant, driving their actions and decisions.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by deepening the emotional connections between the characters and setting up future conflicts and resolutions.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable due to the uncertainty surrounding Liv's husband's actions and intentions.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict revolves around trust, loyalty, and communication. Liv's trust in her husband is tested, and the value of honesty and openness is challenged.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions of regret, longing, and tension, drawing the audience into the characters' inner struggles and unspoken desires.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is engaging and reveals underlying emotions and tensions between the characters, adding depth to their interactions.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to the tension between characters, the emotional stakes, and the mystery surrounding Liv's husband.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene enhances its effectiveness by building tension and suspense through character interactions and dialogue.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to the expected format for a dialogue-heavy scene in a screenplay.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a character-driven drama, with a focus on dialogue and character dynamics.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes the morning atmosphere in El Milagro Perdido, showcasing the daily routines of the characters. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext to deepen the emotional stakes. For instance, Liv's comments about her husband could hint at deeper frustrations or fears rather than just surface-level observations.
  • Kit's entrance is charming and sets a light tone, but his line about needing a reason to believe in humanity feels somewhat clichéd. It might be more impactful if he expressed this sentiment in a more unique or personal way, reflecting his character's backstory or current emotional state.
  • The interaction between Liv and Kit is engaging, but it lacks tension. Given the context of Liv's relationship with Jonas and her concerns about him, there could be more urgency or anxiety in her responses. This would enhance the stakes and make the audience more invested in her situation.
  • The transition to Jonas's scene is effective in contrasting the lively bar atmosphere with his isolation. However, the pacing could be improved by adding a brief moment of reflection or action from Jonas that connects his emotional state to Liv's concerns. This would create a stronger narrative thread between the two scenes.
  • Fern's presence in the scene is somewhat passive. While he listens quietly, giving him a more active role or a line of dialogue could enhance his character development and provide additional layers to the conversation between Liv and Kit.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more subtext to Liv's dialogue about her husband to convey her underlying emotions and frustrations. This could involve her expressing concern or disappointment in a more nuanced way.
  • Revise Kit's dialogue to make it feel more original and reflective of his character. Perhaps he could share a personal anecdote or a specific reason for his cynicism about humanity.
  • Introduce a sense of urgency in Liv's responses to Kit, reflecting her anxiety about Jonas. This could be achieved through her body language or by having her interrupt Kit with a more frantic tone.
  • Enhance the transition to Jonas's scene by including a brief moment where Liv reflects on her relationship with him, perhaps through a memory or a physical action that symbolizes her feelings.
  • Give Fern a more active role in the scene, such as a line that reflects his thoughts on Liv's situation or a gesture that shows his support for her, which would help to develop his character further.



Scene 19 -  Afternoon Tension at El Milagro Perdido
INT. EL MILAGRO PERDIDO - AFTERNOON

Liquor bottles and glasses sparkle in the late afternoon sun.
Kit and Jose play cribbage, focused, quiet. Behind the bar,
Liv writes lists on a notepad.

Fern walks in, plastic-wrapped linens piled in his arms. The
door swings behind him. Carlos catches it. Luis walks in ahead
of JESUS, 40s, a heavy gold Saint Death pendant on his chest.
Carlos follows.

They sit at a table in the corner. Silent. No small talk.

Kit watches them. Pretends not to. Clocks everything.

Liv starts to walk from around the bar. Fern stops her.

FERN
(Spanish, subtitled)
What can I get you, gentlemen?

JESUS
Beers, please. We like this place.
Quiet. Private. Keep it that way.

Fern goes behind the bar, pulls beers from the fridge.

FERN
(sotto to Liv)
Why don't you call it a day? I've
got this.

LIV
Maybe I'll just go take a nap.

FERN
It's called a siesta.

She pecks him on the cheek, grabs her purse, waves to Kit and
José as she walks out.

Jesus gives a SIGN OF SATISFACTION as the cold beer hits his
throat. Gives a nod of approval toward Fern.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In the afternoon at El Milagro Perdido, Kit and Jose play cribbage while Liv writes lists behind the bar. Fern enters with linens, followed by a silent group led by Jesus, who orders beers and appreciates the bar's quiet atmosphere. Fern encourages Liv to take a siesta, leading to her departure. The tension from Jesus's group is palpable but eases when he expresses satisfaction with the service, ending the scene on a note of temporary calm.
Strengths
  • Effective tension-building
  • Subtle character interactions
  • Engaging atmosphere
Weaknesses
  • Minimal dialogue may limit character depth

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively builds tension and sets the stage for potential conflict, keeping the audience engaged with its subtle yet impactful interactions.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of setting up a tense and suspenseful atmosphere through minimal dialogue and intense character interactions is well-executed. The scene effectively conveys the potential for conflict and high stakes.

Plot: 8

The plot progression in the scene focuses on building tension and setting up potential conflict, moving the story forward by introducing new elements and character dynamics.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a familiar setting of a bar but adds a fresh twist with the introduction of mysterious new characters and subtle tension. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters in the scene are well-developed through their interactions and reactions, showcasing their personalities and hinting at underlying tensions. Each character's role adds depth to the overall atmosphere.

Character Changes: 7

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the interactions hint at potential shifts in dynamics and relationships, setting the stage for character development in future scenes.

Internal Goal: 8

Kit's internal goal in this scene is to observe and gather information about the new arrivals, particularly Jesus and his group. This reflects Kit's curiosity and cautious nature, as well as his desire to protect himself and his friends.

External Goal: 7

Kit's external goal is to maintain a sense of normalcy and avoid drawing attention to himself or his friends in the presence of the new arrivals. This reflects the immediate challenge of navigating potentially dangerous situations without escalating them.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The level of conflict in the scene is subtly hinted at through the characters' interactions and the introduction of new elements, setting the stage for potential confrontations and high stakes.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the potential threat posed by the new characters creating a sense of unease and conflict.

High Stakes: 8

The scene hints at high stakes through the tense atmosphere, potential conflicts, and the characters' reactions, creating a sense of urgency and anticipation for what is to come.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing new elements, building tension, and setting up potential conflicts that will impact the narrative progression. It sets the stage for future developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the mysterious nature of the new characters and the subtle hints of potential danger, keeping the audience guessing about the characters' intentions.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between the desire for privacy and the potential threat of outsiders disrupting the established order of the bar. This challenges Kit's beliefs about loyalty and self-preservation, as well as the values of the bar's regular patrons.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a sense of tension and suspense, keeping the audience emotionally engaged with the unfolding drama. The subtle emotional cues add depth to the characters and their relationships.

Dialogue: 7

The minimal dialogue in the scene enhances the tension and suspense, allowing the characters' actions and expressions to speak volumes. The dialogue that is present is impactful and serves the purpose of setting the tone.

Engagement: 8

This scene is engaging because of its slow-burn tension, subtle character dynamics, and the sense of impending conflict.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, with a gradual reveal of information and character dynamics.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene descriptions, character actions, and dialogue cues.

Structure: 9

The scene follows the expected structure for a suspenseful character introduction, with a gradual buildup of tension and a clear focus on character dynamics.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes a quiet, tense atmosphere in El Milagro Perdido, contrasting the previous scene's chaos with a more subdued environment. This shift helps to build suspense and anticipation for what might unfold next.
  • The use of visual elements, such as the sparkling liquor bottles and the late afternoon sun, creates a vivid setting that enhances the mood. However, the scene could benefit from more sensory details to immerse the audience further, such as the sounds of the bar or the smells of the liquor.
  • The dialogue is minimal, which works well to convey the tension and unease among the characters. However, the lack of small talk or banter among the characters, especially at the table, may make the scene feel too static. Adding subtle interactions or reactions could enhance the dynamics and provide insight into their relationships.
  • Liv's interaction with Fern is sweet and adds a layer of intimacy, but it feels somewhat abrupt. The transition from her writing lists to leaving could be smoother, perhaps by showing her internal conflict about staying or leaving, which would deepen her character development.
  • The introduction of Jesus and his companions adds an element of foreboding, but their characterization is somewhat flat. Providing a brief glimpse into their personalities or motivations could heighten the tension and make their presence more impactful.
  • Kit's role as an observer is intriguing, but his internal thoughts or reactions could be more explicitly conveyed to give the audience a clearer understanding of his perspective and emotional state in this moment.
Suggestions
  • Incorporate more sensory details to enhance the atmosphere, such as the sounds of clinking glasses, the chatter of patrons, or the smell of alcohol, to create a more immersive experience.
  • Consider adding subtle interactions or reactions among the characters at the table to break the silence and provide insight into their relationships, which could heighten the tension.
  • Expand on Liv's internal conflict about leaving the bar. Perhaps show her hesitating or glancing back at the bar before finally deciding to leave, which would add depth to her character.
  • Provide a brief glimpse into the personalities or motivations of Jesus and his companions to make their presence more impactful and to build tension in the scene.
  • Explore Kit's internal thoughts or reactions more explicitly to give the audience a clearer understanding of his emotional state and perspective as he observes the unfolding events.



Scene 20 -  Tensions Unleashed
INT. JONAS & LIV'S TEMP RESIDENCE – LIVING ROOM - AFTERNOON

Jonas watches TV. Shirt off. Red-eyed. A drink in hand. Liv
opens the door, walks in, stops cold when she sees him.

LIV
Christ, Jonas. You scared me half
to death. Where the hell have you
been?

JONAS
Ever think to pick up you phone?

LIV
My phone? Oh. I cut my finger.
Had to get stitches.

JONAS
And it takes what — all day? With
Mr. Groovy Two Shoes?

LIV
Mr. Groo- You mean Fern?
(MORE)

LIV (CONT'D)
He knew the doctor. I got immediate
attention.

JONAS
(drawing it out as
though dirty)
Immediate attention.

He SLAMS the glass on the counter, leaps up.

JONAS (CONT'D)
You think I don’t see what’s going
on?

LIV
Jesus, we've been here a day. What
are you hallucinating now?

He steps toward her, hand twitching at his side.

JONAS
You think I'm stupid?

LIV
I think you've had too much too drink
and should take a cold shower.

His fist tightens. Then loosens. It appears he's going to hit
her. He throws a dining chair instead. It SLAMS into the wall,
KNOCKS over a lamp, SMASHES an ornament, TUMBLES to the floor.

He throws a VASE - sends more items CRASHING to the floor.

She doesn't flinch. Just picks up her purse, walks out. O.S.
front door SLAMS.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In a chaotic afternoon scene, Jonas is found shirtless and distressed in their temporary residence, watching TV with a drink. Liv enters, startled by his appearance, and their conversation quickly escalates into conflict as Jonas accuses her of neglecting her phone and spending time with another man, Fern. His jealousy and anger boil over, leading to a violent outburst where he throws furniture, creating chaos in the living room. Despite his rage, Liv remains calm and dismissive, ultimately choosing to leave, slamming the door behind her as the unresolved tension lingers.
Strengths
  • Intense conflict
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Tension-building
Weaknesses
  • Potential for physical violence
  • Lack of resolution

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys a high level of tension and emotional impact through the intense conflict between Jonas and Liv, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the characters' dynamics.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of unraveling the underlying tension in Jonas and Liv's relationship through a moment of explosive conflict is effectively executed, adding depth to the characters and advancing the narrative.

Plot: 8

The plot is advanced through the intense conflict between Jonas and Liv, revealing key aspects of their relationship and setting the stage for further developments in the story.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a familiar domestic conflict but adds originality through the intense physical actions, the power dynamics between the characters, and the raw emotional dialogue. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue enhances the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Jonas and Liv are well-developed in this scene, showcasing their complex emotions and motivations through their actions and dialogue, adding depth to their relationship.

Character Changes: 8

Both Jonas and Liv undergo significant emotional changes in this scene, revealing new aspects of their personalities and deepening the audience's understanding of their relationship.

Internal Goal: 8

Jonas's internal goal in this scene is to confront Liv about her actions and assert his dominance in the relationship. This reflects his deeper need for control, his fear of being deceived or betrayed, and his desire for respect and honesty.

External Goal: 7

Jonas's external goal in this scene is to express his anger and frustration towards Liv's behavior. This reflects the immediate challenge of dealing with a strained relationship and potential betrayal.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The level of conflict in the scene is high, with intense emotions and actions driving the interaction between Jonas and Liv, creating a compelling and dramatic moment.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in this scene is strong, with Jonas and Liv facing off in a volatile confrontation where the audience is unsure of the outcome and the characters' actions keep the tension high.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in the scene as the explosive conflict between Jonas and Liv threatens to unravel their relationship and has significant consequences for their future.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by revealing key dynamics in Jonas and Liv's relationship, setting the stage for further developments and conflicts in the narrative.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the sudden escalation of tension, the unexpected physical actions, and the uncertainty of how the characters will react to each other.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the clash between trust and suspicion, honesty and deception, and control and freedom. It challenges Jonas's beliefs about relationships, loyalty, and communication.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, eliciting strong feelings of tension, anger, and frustration from the audience as they witness the explosive conflict between Jonas and Liv.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the escalating tension and emotional turmoil between Jonas and Liv, capturing the raw emotions and conflict between the characters.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the high emotional stakes, the intense conflict between the characters, the unpredictability of their actions, and the raw, confrontational dialogue.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension gradually, escalating the conflict at a steady pace, and allowing for moments of emotional intensity and release.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for a dialogue-heavy, action-driven scene in a screenplay, with clear character cues, scene descriptions, and transitions.

Structure: 8

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for a dramatic confrontation in a screenplay, with escalating tension, physical actions, and emotional revelations.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes the tension between Jonas and Liv, showcasing Jonas's volatile emotional state and Liv's calm demeanor. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext to enhance the emotional stakes. For instance, instead of Jonas directly accusing Liv of infidelity, consider having him express his insecurities in a more indirect way, which would create a more layered conflict.
  • The physicality of Jonas's outburst is impactful, but the escalation feels somewhat abrupt. It might be more effective to build up to his violent reaction with more dialogue that reflects his growing frustration. This would allow the audience to feel the tension mounting before it culminates in the destruction of the furniture.
  • Liv's response to Jonas's aggression is commendable in its calmness, but it could be strengthened by showing her internal struggle. Perhaps include a moment where she hesitates before leaving, indicating her emotional turmoil despite her outward composure. This would add depth to her character and make her exit more poignant.
  • The setting of the living room is underutilized. Consider incorporating more visual elements that reflect the characters' emotional states, such as clutter that symbolizes their chaotic relationship or dim lighting that enhances the tension. This would create a more immersive atmosphere for the audience.
  • The dialogue, while functional, lacks a certain rhythm and flow that could enhance the dramatic tension. Consider varying the pacing of the exchanges to reflect the emotional intensity of the moment. Short, clipped sentences can convey urgency, while longer, drawn-out lines can emphasize the weight of the situation.
Suggestions
  • Add subtext to the dialogue to deepen the emotional conflict. For example, instead of Jonas outright accusing Liv, have him make a comment that hints at his jealousy without stating it directly.
  • Build up to Jonas's violent outburst with more dialogue that reflects his frustration. This could involve him pacing or fidgeting before he finally lashes out, making the moment feel more earned.
  • Show Liv's internal struggle more clearly. Perhaps include a moment where she hesitates before leaving, indicating her emotional conflict and making her exit more impactful.
  • Enhance the setting by incorporating visual elements that reflect the characters' emotional states, such as clutter or dim lighting, to create a more immersive atmosphere.
  • Vary the pacing of the dialogue to reflect the emotional intensity of the scene. Use short, clipped sentences for moments of urgency and longer lines for moments of reflection or tension.



Scene 21 -  Echoes of San Miguel
MONTAGE - EXT. SAN MIGUEL DE ALLENDE - DAY TURNS TO NIGHT

- Liv wanders the cobblestone streets at golden hour.

- She passes a wishing fountain, kisses a coin, tosses it in,
watches it sink to the bottom.

- She stops across from El Milagro Perdido, watches Magda
leave, a smile on her face, a skip in her ancient legs.

- She turns away, buys cigarettes from a street vendor.

- She walks to the jardin, sits on a bench, smokes a cigarette.

- She pays Mariachis to sing, "Sabor di Mi."

- When the song is over, she smiles, thanks them, walks on,
silent tears rolling down her cheeks.

END MONTAGE

INT. EL MILAGRO PERDIDO – EARLY EVENING

Jonas walks in. Hair wet, ragged, hungover. Fern, behind the
bar, clocks his ineptitude.

FERN
Jonas. We were wondering where you've
been.

Kit and José play cribbage, watch him without looking up.
Carlos and Luis from their spot in the corner are more bold,
clock his every move. He grabs a beer from the fridge.

JONAS
I was taking care of business. Get
the boxes from my trunk. Put them
in the kitchen.

FERN
Sure. Then why don't we close up?

JONAS
Don't tell me how to run my business.

Fern heads out the door. Luis and Carlos rise slowly. They
walk toward the door, nod to Kit as they leave. José folds
his cards.

JOSÉ
Time to call it a night. Nothing
here but ghosts anyway.
Genres: ["Drama","Slice of Life"]

Summary As Liv wanders through the enchanting streets of San Miguel de Allende, she experiences a mix of emotions, from joy to sadness, highlighted by moments like tossing a coin into a wishing fountain and listening to Mariachis. The scene shifts to El Milagro Perdido bar, where a disheveled Jonas arrives, struggling with his authority and professionalism, prompting concern from bartender Fern and patrons Kit, José, Carlos, and Luis. The atmosphere grows tense as José suggests it's time to leave, underscoring a sense of abandonment.
Strengths
  • Effective portrayal of tension and conflict
  • Strong character dynamics
  • Emotional impact
Weaknesses
  • Jonas's behavior may come off as too erratic without clear motivation

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys a sense of unease and conflict through the interactions between the characters, setting a tense atmosphere that keeps the audience engaged.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of showcasing the characters' conflicts and tensions in a bar setting is well-executed, adding depth to their relationships and individual struggles.

Plot: 8.5

The plot progresses effectively through the interactions and conflicts between the characters, setting up further developments in their relationships and personal arcs.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces unique characters and settings, such as Liv's emotional journey through the town and Jonas' struggle for control. The dialogue feels authentic and adds depth to the characters' motivations.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters are well-developed and their emotions and motivations are portrayed convincingly, adding layers to the scene's dynamics.

Character Changes: 8

The characters undergo subtle changes in their dynamics and emotions, especially with Jonas's outburst and Liv's composed reaction.

Internal Goal: 8

Liv's internal goal is to find solace and emotional release through her actions in the town. She is dealing with inner turmoil and sadness, which is reflected in her tears at the end of the montage.

External Goal: 7

Jonas' external goal is to assert his authority and control over the situation at El Milagro Perdido. He wants to show that he is in charge and make sure his instructions are followed.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The level of conflict in the scene is high, with tensions rising between the characters, especially with Jonas's outburst and Liv's calm response.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicts between Jonas and the other characters, as well as Liv's internal struggles, creating obstacles that drive the plot forward.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in the scene, with tensions escalating and conflicts reaching a breaking point, especially with Jonas's erratic behavior.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by introducing and escalating conflicts between the characters, setting up further developments in their relationships and personal arcs.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the tension between Jonas and the other characters, as well as Liv's emotional journey, which keeps the audience guessing about the outcome.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

There is a philosophical conflict between Jonas' need for control and the other characters' desire for autonomy and independence. This challenges Liv's belief in emotional connection and vulnerability.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene has a strong emotional impact, evoking feelings of tension, sadness, and anger through the characters' interactions and conflicts.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue effectively conveys the tensions and emotions between the characters, adding depth to their interactions and conflicts.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it combines emotional depth with character conflicts and vivid descriptions of the setting, keeping the audience invested in the story.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and emotional resonance, with a balance of slower moments in the montage and faster-paced dialogue in El Milagro Perdido.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings, descriptions, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with the montage setting up the emotional tone and the dialogue in El Milagro Perdido advancing the plot and character dynamics.


Critique
  • The montage effectively captures Liv's emotional state as she wanders through San Miguel de Allende, using visual imagery to convey her feelings of sadness and nostalgia. However, the transition from the montage to the interior scene could be smoother. The abrupt shift from Liv's reflective moment to Jonas's entrance feels jarring and could benefit from a more gradual transition that connects their emotional states.
  • Jonas's entrance is marked by a clear contrast to Liv's earlier emotional journey, which is effective in showcasing his disheveled state and hangover. However, his dialogue lacks depth and feels somewhat one-dimensional. His command to Fern to retrieve boxes comes off as aggressive without sufficient context, making it difficult for the audience to empathize with his character. This could be improved by adding a line that reveals his internal struggle or frustration, providing more insight into his mindset.
  • The interactions between Jonas and the other characters, particularly Fern, Kit, and José, feel somewhat flat. While there is tension present, it lacks the emotional weight that could elevate the scene. The dialogue could be more dynamic, with characters expressing their feelings more vividly, which would enhance the stakes and the atmosphere of the bar.
  • The line from José about 'ghosts' is intriguing and adds a layer of metaphorical depth, suggesting the lingering presence of unresolved issues. However, it could be expanded upon to create a stronger thematic connection to the overall narrative. This line could serve as a catalyst for further exploration of the characters' pasts and their emotional baggage.
  • The scene ends rather abruptly with José's line, leaving the audience with a sense of unresolved tension. A more definitive conclusion or a moment of reflection from Jonas could provide a stronger emotional impact and set the stage for the next scene.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of reflection for Jonas as he enters the bar, perhaps a visual cue that shows his internal struggle or regret about his actions from the previous scene. This could create a more seamless transition from Liv's emotional journey to his state of mind.
  • Enhance Jonas's dialogue to reflect his emotional turmoil. Instead of simply barking orders, he could express frustration about his situation or hint at his feelings of inadequacy, which would make him a more relatable character.
  • Develop the interactions between Jonas and the other characters to create more tension. For example, Fern could challenge Jonas's authority in a more confrontational way, or Kit could offer a sarcastic remark that highlights the absurdity of the situation, adding layers to their relationships.
  • Expand on José's line about ghosts to create a thematic resonance throughout the scene. Perhaps he could elaborate on the idea of the past haunting them, which would tie back to the earlier scenes and deepen the narrative.
  • Consider ending the scene with a moment that encapsulates Jonas's emotional state, such as him staring into his beer or a brief exchange with another character that hints at the chaos to come. This would provide a more satisfying conclusion and maintain the audience's engagement.



Scene 22 -  Moments of Connection
EXT. EL MILAGRO PERDIDO

Fern loads boxes from the SUV onto a dolly. José exits.

JOSÉ
(Spanish, subtitled)
You need anything. You call me.

INT. EL MILAGRO PERDIDO - KITCHEN

Fern opens one of the boxes, pulls out a round white plate.

FERN
Predicatable.

He turns off the kitchen lights, walks into

BAR

- past Jonas and Kit, a bottle of mezcal between them.

FERN (CONT'D)
I did the inventory today.
(walking out the door)
Just thought I'd mention it.

Jonas walks to the door, looks out, locks it, returns to sit.

JONAS
I don't like his fucking attitude.

EXT. SAN MIGUEL DE ALLENDE - ALLEYWAY - NIGHT

Liv sits on a stoop, smokes a cigarette, mascara smudged,
half SOBBING, half LAUGhING.

FERN
You okay?

Liv looks up, wipes the tears from her face.

LIV
How'd you know where I'd be?

FERN
Educated guess.

He sits beside her, takes the pack of smokes from her hand,
the cigarette from her mouth. He touches it to the one in his
mouth, watches their TIPS touch, GLOW.

He EXHALES, hands her the fresh cigarette, smokes hers, stained
with red lipstick.

FERN (CONT'D)
Besides, I walk past here every day.

She leans into him. He wraps an arm around her shoulder, pulls
her to him. They smoke in silence, eyes on the mural: AMOR, 8-
feet tall, technicolor.
Genres: ["Drama","Romance"]

Summary In this scene at El Milagro Perdido, Fern unloads boxes and interacts with José, who offers assistance, while Jonas expresses his frustration with José's attitude, hinting at underlying tensions. The focus shifts to Liv, who is upset and sitting alone in an alley. Fern finds her, and they share a quiet moment of intimacy as they smoke a cigarette together, gazing at a vibrant mural, reflecting their struggles and connection.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Authentic character interactions
  • Atmospheric setting
Weaknesses
  • Limited plot progression
  • Low external conflict

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys a sense of intimacy and emotional depth through the interactions between Liv and Fern, creating a poignant moment that resonates with the audience.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring emotional connections and vulnerabilities in a picturesque setting is effectively realized, adding depth to the characters and their relationships.

Plot: 7

While the scene does not heavily focus on plot progression, it serves as a pivotal moment for character development and emotional exploration.

Originality: 8

The scene offers a fresh approach to themes of connection and empathy, with authentic character interactions and emotional depth. The use of small details and quiet moments adds authenticity to the dialogue and actions.


Character Development

Characters: 9

Liv and Fern are portrayed with depth and authenticity, showcasing their emotional complexities and the evolving dynamics of their relationship.

Character Changes: 8

Both Liv and Fern experience emotional growth and vulnerability in the scene, deepening their connection and revealing new layers of their personalities.

Internal Goal: 9

Fern's internal goal in this scene is to connect with Liv on an emotional level and provide support. This reflects his deeper desire for companionship and understanding, as well as his fear of loneliness and isolation.

External Goal: 7

Fern's external goal is to check on Liv and ensure she is okay. This reflects the immediate challenge of finding and comforting a distressed friend.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 4

The scene focuses more on emotional tension and longing rather than external conflict, emphasizing the internal struggles of the characters.

Opposition: 6

The opposition in the scene is subtle, with internal conflicts and emotional challenges driving the character interactions. The audience is unsure of how Fern and Liv's relationship will evolve, adding a sense of tension and uncertainty.

High Stakes: 3

The stakes are more internal and emotional in nature, focusing on the personal struggles and vulnerabilities of the characters.

Story Forward: 6

While the scene does not significantly advance the main plot, it enriches the character development and emotional depth of the narrative.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the emotional complexity and the unexpected connection between Fern and Liv. The audience is unsure of how their relationship will develop and how it will impact the story.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the themes of connection and empathy. Fern's actions challenge Jonas' lack of empathy and understanding, highlighting the importance of emotional support and human connection.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes a strong emotional response from the audience, drawing them into the intimate moment shared between Liv and Fern.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is subtle yet impactful, conveying the unspoken emotions and underlying tensions between Liv and Fern.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the emotional depth, subtle character interactions, and the sense of intimacy between Fern and Liv. The quiet moments and small gestures draw the audience in and create a sense of connection.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by allowing for quiet moments of reflection and emotional depth, while also maintaining a sense of momentum and progression in the character interactions.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings, dialogue formatting, and action descriptions. The formatting enhances the readability and flow of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear transitions between locations and character interactions. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the emotional depth and engagement of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the emotional turmoil of Liv through her interaction with Fern, showcasing a moment of vulnerability. However, the transition from the bar to the alleyway feels abrupt. A smoother transition could enhance the flow of the narrative.
  • The dialogue between José and Fern at the beginning serves to establish the setting and the relationships between characters, but it lacks depth. José's line could be expanded to reveal more about his character or his relationship with Fern, adding layers to the scene.
  • Liv's emotional state is conveyed well through her actions and the visual imagery of her smoking and the smudged mascara. However, the scene could benefit from more internal monologue or reflection to deepen the audience's understanding of her feelings.
  • The imagery of the mural 'AMOR' is a strong visual element, symbolizing love and possibly the complexities of Liv's relationships. However, the significance of the mural could be further explored through Liv's thoughts or dialogue, enhancing its thematic relevance.
  • Fern's action of taking Liv's cigarette and sharing a smoke is a nice touch that conveys intimacy, but it could be more impactful if it were accompanied by a line of dialogue that reflects their shared understanding or connection, reinforcing their bond.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of reflection for Liv before she interacts with Fern, allowing the audience to connect more deeply with her emotional state.
  • Expand José's dialogue to provide more context about his relationship with Fern or his perspective on the situation, which could enrich the scene.
  • Incorporate a line or two of internal monologue from Liv as she sits on the stoop, which could help convey her emotional struggle and provide insight into her character.
  • Explore the significance of the mural further by having Liv comment on it or reflect on its meaning in relation to her current situation, enhancing the thematic depth of the scene.
  • Add a line of dialogue from Fern after he shares the cigarette, perhaps expressing concern for Liv or acknowledging her pain, to strengthen their connection and make the moment more poignant.



Scene 23 -  Fleeting Connections
INT. FERN'S APARTMENT - NIGHT

The door swings open. Fern and Liv back in, gripped by passion -
kissing, clawing, unable to get naked fast enough.

He pulls her dress over her head, snaps the chain of her
locket. It hits the floor with a small CLINK. Liv notices,
but continues to rip off Fern's shirt.

He lifts her into his arms. She wraps her legs around him.
Their lips glued, he walks into the bedroom, closes the door.

EXT. FERN'S APARTMENT - NIGHT

The curtains are flimsy, cracked open. Fern sits on the edge
of the bed, Liv astride him. They pause, breathless, stare
into each other's eyes.

EXT. SAN MIGUEL DE ALLENDE - ROOFTOP - NIGHT

Kit lights a cigarette, exhales smoke.

KIT (V.O.)
You know the funny thing about truth?
It never walks in through the front
door. It sneaks in the back, seeps
through the cracks. Between the
lies. People think the worst part
is getting caught. It's not. It's
thinking you won't. That you're
safe in your little story. But this
town? This town was made for
watching. And me? I'm in the front
row.

CU: Kit scrolls through photos on his phone: Fern's hand around
Liv's waist, their faces close together, the almost kiss.
His phone DINGS.

Photos download: Fern's arm around her, on the stoop in the
alleyway; Fern and Liv kissing in his doorway; Fern and Liv
tearing each other's clothes off; Fern and Liv in bed.

INT. FERN’S APARTMENT - BEDROOM - DAWN

Golden light across Liv’s bare back, her arm across Fern's
chest. He watches her sleep. She stirs. He kisses her shoulder.

She rises, gathers her clothes.

LIV
I have to go.

He lets her. No drama. But it cuts him.

INT. JONAS & LIV’S TEMP RESIDENCE – MORNING

Jonas GROANS awake. He stretches his arm across the bed.
It's empty. He opens his eyes. He rises, ambles to the

BATHROOM

O.S. URINE SPLASHES. He turns on the SHOWER, casually flicks
a pink toothbrush. It's still damp. He limps back to the

BEDROOM

Opens his phone, texts Kit: "Anything?" Hits send.
Genres: ["Romance","Drama"]

Summary Fern and Liv share a passionate night together in Fern's apartment, but as dawn breaks, Liv prepares to leave, leaving Fern with a sense of loss despite his calm exterior. Kit observes their relationship from a distance, capturing moments on his phone while reflecting on truth and deception. Meanwhile, Jonas wakes up alone, unaware of the night's events, and reaches out to Kit for information, hinting at the unresolved conflicts stemming from Liv's departure.
Strengths
  • Intense emotional portrayal
  • Effective character development
  • Engaging dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Limited external conflict
  • Relatively low stakes

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys the intense emotions of passion, longing, and regret through the interactions between Fern and Liv. The addition of Kit's introspective narration enhances the depth of the scene, making it emotionally impactful.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring intense passion, longing, and regret in a romantic setting is well-executed in the scene. The addition of introspective narration adds a unique layer to the emotional depth of the characters.

Plot: 7.5

While the plot progression in this scene is focused on the emotional dynamics between Fern and Liv, it effectively sets up future conflicts and character developments. The scene serves as a pivotal moment in their relationship.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh and nuanced portrayal of intimate relationships, exploring themes of passion, vulnerability, and self-discovery in a compelling and authentic way.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters of Fern, Liv, and Kit are well-developed in this scene, showcasing their vulnerabilities, desires, and internal conflicts. The interactions between the characters reveal layers of complexity and emotional depth.

Character Changes: 8

The scene showcases subtle changes in the characters of Fern and Liv, particularly in their emotional vulnerability and the complexities of their relationship. The moment of intimacy leads to a sense of longing and regret, hinting at deeper character development.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to navigate his emotions and desires in the context of his relationships with Liv and Kit. He struggles with feelings of passion, longing, and vulnerability.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to maintain his relationships with Liv and Kit while dealing with the complexities of their interactions and his own emotions.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

While the scene is more focused on emotional turmoil and internal conflicts rather than external conflicts, there is a subtle tension in the dynamics between the characters, especially in the aftermath of the intimate moment.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to challenge the protagonist's beliefs and desires, creating conflict and tension that drive the narrative forward.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes in this scene are more internal and emotional, revolving around the characters' desires, vulnerabilities, and regrets. While there is a sense of longing and tension, the external stakes are relatively low.

Story Forward: 8

While the scene primarily focuses on the emotional dynamics between Fern and Liv, it sets the stage for future conflicts and character arcs. The scene moves the story forward by deepening the relationship dynamics and internal struggles of the characters.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting dynamics between the characters, the unexpected revelations, and the emotional twists and turns that keep the audience on edge.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the themes of truth, deception, and self-awareness. The protagonist grapples with the idea of living authentically and facing the consequences of his actions.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking feelings of passion, longing, and regret in the audience. The intimate moment between Fern and Liv, coupled with Kit's introspective narration, creates a poignant and memorable experience.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the emotions and inner thoughts of the characters, adding depth to their interactions. The dialogue between Fern, Liv, and Kit is engaging and reflective of their personalities.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its emotional intensity, complex character dynamics, and thematic depth, drawing the audience into the protagonist's internal struggles and external conflicts.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotional resonance, allowing for moments of intimacy and reflection to coexist with moments of action and revelation.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene adheres to the expected formatting conventions for its genre, with clear and concise descriptions of character actions and settings.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a coherent and engaging structure, effectively balancing intimate character moments with thematic depth and narrative progression.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the intensity of the relationship between Fern and Liv, showcasing their passion and urgency. However, the transition from the physical intimacy to Kit's voiceover feels abrupt. The juxtaposition of their intimate moment with Kit's reflective commentary could be more seamless to enhance the emotional impact.
  • Kit's voiceover provides an interesting perspective on truth and deception, but it could benefit from a stronger connection to the visual narrative. The audience may struggle to see how Kit's observations directly relate to Fern and Liv's actions. Consider integrating more visual cues or actions that reflect the themes Kit discusses.
  • The use of the locket as a symbol is intriguing, especially as it snaps and falls to the floor. However, its significance isn't fully explored. It could serve as a metaphor for Liv's past or her relationship with Jonas, and this could be emphasized further to add depth to the scene.
  • The pacing of the scene is rapid, which suits the passionate moment but may leave viewers wanting more context or emotional grounding. A brief moment of hesitation or reflection from either character could add layers to their connection and the stakes involved.
  • The transition to the dawn scene is visually striking, but the emotional weight of Liv's departure could be amplified. Fern's reaction to her leaving feels understated; a more pronounced emotional response could heighten the tension and stakes of their relationship.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment of hesitation or reflection between Fern and Liv before they dive into their passionate encounter. This could deepen their emotional connection and highlight the stakes of their actions.
  • Integrate Kit's voiceover more closely with the visuals. Perhaps show Kit observing them from a distance or include shots that visually represent the themes of truth and deception he discusses.
  • Explore the significance of the locket further. Perhaps have Liv react to its breaking or have Fern acknowledge it in some way, reinforcing its symbolic weight in the narrative.
  • Enhance Fern's emotional response when Liv decides to leave. This could be through dialogue, a physical gesture, or a moment of vulnerability that reveals his feelings about their relationship.
  • Consider using the dawn light to symbolize new beginnings or the consequences of their actions. This could be reflected in Liv's expression or in the atmosphere of the scene as she prepares to leave.



Scene 24 -  Chalkboard Confessions
INT. EL MILAGRO PERDIDO - DAY

Liv draws on a sandwich chalkboard. Steps back to check her
illustration: "NEW MANAGEMENT - FRESH TAPAS DAILY - HAPPY
HOUR 5-7PM EVERY DAY - LIVE MUSIC."

Magda stops to admire her work. Nods her approval. Jonas
sweeps in. Magda scurries off. He kisses Liv on the forehead.

JONAS
You're up and at 'em early.

LIV
I texted the elves, but doesn't appear
they didn't got the memo.

JONAS
Yeah, sorry I've been slacking, but
I'm back in the saddle.

LIV
Great, because Fern's not here and I
have errands to run.

JONAS
(reading)
Happy hour? Live music?

LIV
Margaritas, beer and short pours on
the wine.

JONAS
I'm all for it.

LIV
The music I still have to confirm.

She dusts chalk off her hands, readies to walk out. He grabs
her hand, pulls her back to him.

JONAS
What time did you get in last night...
or was it morning?

LIV
La madrugada...
(off his blank look)
Guilty as charged. I ran into Nita.
You know how she is... we went back
to her hotel, did bumps.
(MORE)

LIV (CONT'D)
(wipes her nose)
Don't start.

JONAS
Nita, huh. She coming by?

LIV
She left on the early bus.
(pecks him on cheek)
Just glad I didn't wake you. You
were sleeping so peacefully.
Genres: ["Drama","Romance"]

Summary In the vibrant setting of El Milagro Perdido, Liv is busy preparing a chalkboard sign to promote the bar's new management and upcoming events. Magda admires her work before leaving, and Jonas arrives, greeting Liv with a kiss. Their conversation reveals Jonas's concern about Liv's late-night outing with Nita, but Liv reassures him that she didn't disturb his sleep. The scene captures a light-hearted yet intimate moment between the couple, ending with Liv pecking Jonas on the cheek before heading out to run errands.
Strengths
  • Natural dialogue
  • Subtle character interactions
  • Emotional depth
Weaknesses
  • Limited external conflict
  • Lack of resolution in the scene

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys the evolving relationship between Liv and Jonas through their dialogue and actions, setting the stage for future conflicts and resolutions.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring the complexities of Liv and Jonas's relationship through a casual morning interaction is engaging and well-executed.

Plot: 8

The plot progresses by revealing the dynamics between Liv and Jonas, hinting at underlying tensions and emotions that will likely unfold in future scenes.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces unique characters and relationships, such as Liv's interaction with Nita and Jonas, which adds depth and complexity to the story. The dialogue feels authentic and captures the nuances of the characters' personalities.


Character Development

Characters: 9

Liv and Jonas are well-developed characters with depth and complexity, their interactions revealing layers of their personalities and relationship dynamics.

Character Changes: 7

Both Liv and Jonas show subtle shifts in their emotions and dynamics throughout the scene, hinting at potential character growth and conflicts in the future.

Internal Goal: 8

Liv's internal goal in this scene seems to be to maintain a sense of normalcy and routine despite her late-night activities and potential substance use. She wants to keep things running smoothly at the restaurant and avoid any disruptions.

External Goal: 7

Liv's external goal is to confirm the music for the upcoming events at the restaurant and ensure that everything is in place for the happy hour and live music.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

While there are hints of tension and underlying conflicts between Liv and Jonas, the scene primarily focuses on their intimate moments and casual banter.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene comes from Liv's secretive behavior and Jonas' potential disapproval, creating a sense of tension and conflict that drives the scene forward.

High Stakes: 5

While there are emotional stakes involved in Liv and Jonas's relationship, the scene focuses more on intimate moments and character dynamics rather than high-stakes conflicts.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by deepening the audience's understanding of Liv and Jonas's relationship dynamics, setting the stage for future developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected revelation of Liv's late-night activities and the potential conflict between her and Jonas.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

There is a potential philosophical conflict between Liv's desire for a carefree and fun atmosphere at the restaurant and Jonas' more responsible and possibly judgmental attitude towards her late-night activities.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from affection to tension, creating a compelling atmosphere that draws the audience into Liv and Jonas's relationship dynamics.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is natural, engaging, and reveals insights into the characters' thoughts and emotions, adding depth to the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the witty banter between the characters, the dynamic relationships, and the sense of intrigue surrounding Liv's late-night activities.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and revealing information gradually, keeping the audience engaged and interested in the characters' interactions.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows standard formatting conventions for a screenplay, with clear scene descriptions and character dialogue.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a typical format for a dialogue-driven scene in a screenplay, with clear character interactions and progression of the plot.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes the dynamics between Liv and Jonas, showcasing their relationship's tension and underlying issues. However, the dialogue feels somewhat expository, particularly in the way Jonas asks about Nita and Liv's late night. This could be more subtly woven into their conversation to avoid feeling forced.
  • Liv's character is portrayed as proactive and independent, which is a strong trait. However, her casual mention of drug use ('did bumps') could benefit from more context or emotional weight. This could deepen her character and provide insight into her motivations and struggles.
  • The use of the chalkboard as a visual element is a nice touch, symbolizing Liv's efforts to revitalize the bar. However, the scene could explore more of the setting's atmosphere, perhaps by incorporating sensory details that evoke the sights and sounds of El Milagro Perdido, enhancing the reader's immersion.
  • Jonas's character comes across as somewhat passive in this scene, primarily reacting to Liv rather than driving the conversation. To create a more balanced dynamic, consider giving him a stronger point of view or a more assertive stance in their interaction.
  • The scene ends on a somewhat abrupt note with Liv pecking Jonas on the cheek. While this gesture suggests affection, it could be more impactful if it were tied to a specific emotional beat or conflict, leaving the audience with a stronger sense of unresolved tension.
Suggestions
  • Consider revising the dialogue to make it feel more natural and less expository. For example, instead of Jonas directly asking about Nita, he could make a more casual comment that leads Liv to reveal her night.
  • Add more emotional depth to Liv's mention of drug use. Perhaps she could reflect on her choices or express guilt, which would provide insight into her character and the pressures she faces.
  • Incorporate more sensory details about the bar's atmosphere, such as the sounds of music, the smell of food, or the chatter of patrons, to create a more vivid setting.
  • Give Jonas a more active role in the conversation. Perhaps he could express his own frustrations or concerns about the bar, which would create a more dynamic interaction with Liv.
  • End the scene with a stronger emotional beat. Consider having Liv's gesture of affection tied to a moment of vulnerability or tension, reinforcing the complexities of their relationship.



Scene 25 -  The Cost of Truth
INT. EL MILAGRO PERDIDO – LATE MORNING

Kit lounges in his usual spot, feet on a second chair, reading
slips of paper. Jonas emerges from the Men's baño, puts his
wedding ring on the basin, washes his hands. He walks toward
Kit drying his hands in a towel.

KIT
So, she was with Nita, huh?

JONAS
You tell me.

Jonas sets two shots of mezcal on the table. Kit grudgingly
moves his feet so Jonas can sit.

KIT
Well, if that was Nita... she's
developed a helluva jaw line.

JONAS
You have something to say, say it.

KIT
I just did. What you hear is on
you.

JONAS
You watching for me, Kit? Or for
yourself?

KIT
I watch. That's what I do. But if
you want specifics. That's premium
tier. Cash only. Dollars, not pesos.

Jonas scoffs. Kit leans in, voice low.

KIT (CONT'D)
You want names, times, places? You
want to stop wondering what happens
after dark? Then pay up.

JONAS
How much?

Kit gets up, walks toward the Men's room. Sees Jonas's ring.

KIT
(calling out)
Depends what you want to know. Or...
what you want done. Truth costs one
thing. Silence costs more.

BATHROOM CUBICLE

Kit pockets the ring. Pulls down his ZIPPER. URINATES.
Genres: ["Drama","Mystery"]

Summary In a tense exchange at El Milagro Perdido, Kit lounges with a sardonic demeanor while Jonas confronts him about a woman named Nita. Their conversation reveals Jonas's vulnerability regarding his marriage and his desperate need for information, which Kit offers only for a price. The scene escalates as Kit cryptically remarks on Nita's appearance and ultimately pockets Jonas's wedding ring, symbolizing betrayal and the high stakes of their interaction.
Strengths
  • Tense dialogue
  • Strong character dynamics
  • Effective pacing
Weaknesses
  • Limited physical action
  • Relatively contained setting

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene is well-crafted, with a strong focus on tension and conflict, keeping the audience engaged and intrigued. The dialogue is sharp and impactful, adding depth to the characters and the unfolding plot.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of suspicion and deception is effectively explored in the scene, adding layers to the characters and driving the plot forward. The idea of truth versus lies is central to the scene's development.

Plot: 8.5

The plot is advanced significantly in this scene, with key revelations and character dynamics coming to the forefront. The conflict between Kit and Jonas adds depth to the narrative and sets the stage for future developments.

Originality: 9

The scene is original in its portrayal of a tense negotiation between two characters with hidden agendas. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the freshness of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-defined and their motivations are clear, adding complexity to the scene. Kit and Jonas's dynamic is particularly compelling, showcasing their conflicting personalities and hidden agendas.

Character Changes: 8

Both Kit and Jonas undergo subtle changes in this scene, revealing new facets of their personalities and motivations. The confrontation between them leads to a shift in their dynamic.

Internal Goal: 8

Kit's internal goal in this scene is to assert his power and control over Jonas. This reflects his deeper need for validation and respect in his line of work.

External Goal: 7

Kit's external goal is to extract payment from Jonas for information. This reflects the immediate challenge of negotiating a deal and maintaining his reputation.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is palpable, with tensions running high between Kit and Jonas. The confrontation adds a sense of urgency and drama, driving the narrative forward.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Kit and Jonas engaging in a tense negotiation where the outcome is uncertain.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in this scene, with the characters' relationships and secrets on the line. The confrontation between Kit and Jonas could have far-reaching consequences for the story.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward, introducing new conflicts and revelations that will impact the narrative. The confrontation between Kit and Jonas sets the stage for future developments.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting power dynamics and hidden motives of the characters, keeping the audience on edge.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between truth and silence, with Kit offering Jonas a choice between paying for information or keeping his secrets. This challenges Jonas's beliefs about trust and the value of information.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from tension to intrigue, keeping the audience emotionally invested in the unfolding drama. The confrontation between Kit and Jonas adds a layer of intensity to the scene.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is sharp, impactful, and drives the scene forward. The exchanges between Kit and Jonas are tense and revealing, adding depth to their characters and the overall narrative.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the high stakes, cryptic dialogue, and power dynamics between the characters.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and maintaining the audience's interest through concise dialogue and strategic pauses.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and easy to follow, with concise descriptions and dialogue cues.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for a tense negotiation scene, with clear character motivations and escalating tension.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes tension between Jonas and Kit, highlighting their conflicting motivations and the underlying issues in Jonas's life. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext to deepen the emotional stakes. Currently, it feels somewhat expository, with Kit's motivations being laid out too plainly.
  • Kit's character is intriguing, but his actions—such as pocketing Jonas's wedding ring—could be better foreshadowed earlier in the script. This would enhance the impact of this moment and provide a clearer understanding of Kit's intentions and moral ambiguity.
  • The setting of El Milagro Perdido is well-utilized, but the scene could benefit from more sensory details to immerse the audience in the atmosphere. Describing the sounds, smells, or visual elements of the bar could enhance the mood and provide context for the characters' interactions.
  • Jonas's emotional state is hinted at through his actions and dialogue, but it could be more explicitly conveyed through his physicality or internal thoughts. This would help the audience connect with his character on a deeper level and understand the weight of his situation.
  • The pacing of the scene feels a bit rushed, particularly in the transition from Jonas's entrance to the confrontation with Kit. Allowing for more pauses or reactions could heighten the tension and give the audience time to absorb the implications of their conversation.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more subtext to the dialogue, allowing characters to imply their feelings and motivations rather than stating them outright. This can create a more engaging and layered interaction.
  • Foreshadow Kit's actions earlier in the script to build anticipation and deepen the audience's understanding of his character. This could involve subtle hints about his interest in Jonas's marriage or his moral ambiguity.
  • Incorporate sensory details to enrich the setting of El Milagro Perdido. Describe the sounds of the bar, the smell of mezcal, or the visual clutter of the space to create a more immersive experience.
  • Explore Jonas's emotional state through his physicality or internal thoughts. This could involve showing his body language, facial expressions, or even brief internal monologues to convey his turmoil more effectively.
  • Slow down the pacing of the scene by allowing for more pauses and reactions. This can enhance the tension and give the audience a moment to process the weight of the conversation between Jonas and Kit.



Scene 26 -  Tangled Desires
EXT. FERN’S APARTMENT – DAY

Liv hesitates before knocking. She doesn't have to. Fern
opens the door. They stare at each other. Charged. Complicated.

LIV
You okay? I covered for you... said
you were running errands.

FERN
You shouldn’t come here. Someone
might see you.

Fern looks up and down the street, pulls her inside.

INT. FERN’S APARTMENT – CONTINUOUS

There's no resisting. They kiss passionately. Liv starts to
undress Fern. He grips her hands, stops her.

FERN (CONT'D)
We have to think.

LIV
I already did that. I'm not making
the same mistake again.

Fern pulls her to the couch to sit down.

FERN
Jonas'll sense something's up.

LIV
He's oblivious but... maybe you're
right. I'll file for divorce.

FERN
He's not going to give you up without
a fight. Or the bar.

LIV
It won't be long before he's back in
rehab. The last time was six months.

FERN
I couldn't buy my uncle out, but in
six months I can buy Jonas's half.

LIV
And we can have the life we were
meant for all along.

Her PHONE BUZZES. A text from Jonas: "Where are you?" She
silences it. Puts it face down.

LIV (CONT'D)
I told him I'm locking down musicians.
That gives us time.

She moves to sit astride him, her dress pulled up.
Genres: ["Drama","Romance"]

Summary Liv visits Fern's apartment, where they share a tense yet passionate moment. Concerned for Fern's well-being, Liv reveals she has been covering for her, but Fern warns about the risks of their relationship being discovered by Liv's husband, Jonas. Their conversation turns intimate, leading to a passionate kiss, but Fern halts their physical progression to discuss the implications of Liv's marriage and her plans to buy Jonas's share of the bar. Liv expresses her belief that Jonas will relapse, and as they strategize their future, Liv silences a text from Jonas, indicating their secret plans are still in motion.
Strengths
  • Intense emotional depth
  • Compelling character dynamics
  • Engaging dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Potential predictability in forbidden romance trope

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys the intense emotions and conflicting desires of the characters, setting up a compelling storyline for their forbidden romance. The dialogue is engaging, and the tension between Liv and Fern is palpable.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of forbidden love is central to the scene, driving the character interactions and conflict. The idea of pursuing a relationship despite societal norms and personal consequences adds depth to the storyline.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene revolves around Liv and Fern's decision to pursue their romance despite the challenges they face. It sets up future conflicts and developments in their relationship, adding layers to the overall narrative.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh approach to the theme of forbidden love, with nuanced character interactions and authentic dialogue. The authenticity of the characters' actions and emotions adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

Liv and Fern are well-developed characters with complex motivations and emotions. Their interactions in the scene reveal their internal struggles and desires, making them compelling and relatable to the audience.

Character Changes: 8

Both Liv and Fern undergo significant emotional changes in the scene, as they confront their desires, fears, and the consequences of their actions. Their relationship evolves, setting the stage for future character development.

Internal Goal: 8

Liv's internal goal in this scene is to pursue her desire for a forbidden love with Fern while also seeking validation and acceptance. This reflects her deeper need for emotional connection and fulfillment.

External Goal: 7.5

Liv's external goal in this scene is to navigate the challenges of her relationship with Fern, including potential consequences and obstacles such as her current marriage and business partnership with Jonas.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The scene contains a high level of internal and external conflict, as Liv and Fern navigate their forbidden romance while facing opposition from societal expectations and personal consequences.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with external obstacles such as Liv's marriage and business partnership with Jonas, as well as internal conflicts and doubts within the characters themselves. The audience is left unsure of how Liv and Fern will navigate these challenges.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in the scene, as Liv and Fern risk their reputations, relationships, and personal well-being by pursuing their forbidden romance. The consequences of their actions have the potential to impact their lives significantly.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by advancing the romantic subplot between Liv and Fern, introducing new conflicts and dilemmas that will impact their relationship and the overall narrative.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the uncertain outcome of Liv and Fern's relationship, as well as the potential consequences of their actions. The audience is left wondering how they will navigate the challenges ahead.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the clash between societal expectations and personal desires. Liv and Fern must navigate the tension between conforming to societal norms and pursuing their own happiness.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a strong emotional impact, evoking feelings of passion, tension, and longing in the audience. The complex emotions of the characters resonate with viewers, drawing them into the story.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the emotions, conflicts, and desires of the characters. It adds depth to their relationship and builds tension, keeping the audience engaged in the unfolding drama.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the tension and emotional depth between the characters, as well as the high stakes and forbidden nature of their relationship. The dialogue and actions keep the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and suspense, as well as allowing for moments of emotional depth and reflection. The rhythm of the dialogue enhances the scene's impact.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings and dialogue formatting. The formatting enhances the readability and flow of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness in conveying the characters' emotions and motivations.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the tension and complexity of Liv and Fern's relationship, showcasing their passionate connection while also highlighting the stakes involved with Liv's marriage to Jonas. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext to deepen the emotional impact. For instance, instead of stating 'I already did that. I'm not making the same mistake again,' Liv could express her feelings through a metaphor or a more nuanced statement that reflects her internal struggle.
  • The pacing of the scene feels rushed, particularly in the transition from hesitation to passionate kissing. While the urgency of their relationship is clear, allowing for a moment of hesitation or doubt before they kiss could enhance the emotional weight of their actions. This would also give the audience a chance to feel the gravity of their choices.
  • The use of Liv's phone buzzing with a text from Jonas is a good device to introduce tension, but it could be more impactful if it were integrated into the dialogue or action. For example, Liv could glance at her phone during a moment of intimacy, which would visually represent her divided loyalties and heighten the stakes of their encounter.
  • The dialogue, while functional, lacks a distinct voice for each character. Fern's lines could be more reflective of his personality and background, perhaps incorporating more of his past struggles or aspirations. This would help to differentiate him from Jonas and make the audience more invested in his character.
  • The scene ends abruptly with Liv silencing her phone, which feels somewhat anticlimactic. A more dramatic conclusion, such as a moment of realization or a decision that Liv makes in that moment, could leave the audience with a stronger emotional resonance.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more subtext to the dialogue to convey the characters' emotions and motivations without explicitly stating them. This can create a richer experience for the audience.
  • Slow down the pacing of the scene to allow for moments of hesitation or reflection, enhancing the emotional stakes of Liv and Fern's relationship.
  • Integrate Liv's phone buzzing into the action more seamlessly, perhaps by having her glance at it during a moment of intimacy, to visually represent her internal conflict.
  • Differentiate the characters' voices by incorporating unique phrases or mannerisms that reflect their backgrounds and personalities, making them more distinct.
  • End the scene with a more dramatic moment or realization for Liv, rather than simply silencing her phone, to create a stronger emotional impact.



Scene 27 -  Secrets in the Shadows
INT. EL MILAGRO PERDIDO – AFTERNOON

The bar is dim and quiet. Jonas, shirt clinging with sweat,
stocks the fridge with beer. Magda wipes already spotless
tables clean. José snoozes in his usual corner.

The swing doors CREAK open. Fern steps in.

JONAS
You're late.

FERN
Didn't know we were keeping time.

MANUEL CASTAÑEDA, 30s, built like a brick shithouse, struts
in, a grin ear to ear, claps Fern on the shoulder. Jonas's
bravado goes down the toilet.

MANUEL
(Spanish, subtitled)
Smells like bleach and doomed hope.

FERN
English. The boss doesn't speak
Spanish.
(to Jonas)
Ain't that right, amigo. Jonas Fry.
My cousin. Manuel Castañeda.

Jonas extends a hand. Manuel engulfs it. Holds on a tad too
long, his smile ever so slightly taunting.

JONAS
Nice to meet you.

MANUEL
So. Same deal as before?

Jonas looks between Manuel and Fern, confused as hell.

FERN
I believe you get a bump in pay.

JONAS
Sorry. Did I miss something?

FERN
Bartender. Bouncer. Whatever's
called for.

Across the room, Carlos and Luis sit in their usual corner.
Watching. Pretending not to. Luis prods Carlos under the table.

KIT (O.S.)
Loyalty’s like mezcal. Smooth until
it burns.

They all glance toward Kit, staring into, swirling, his drink.

FERN
(eyes on Jonas)
Maybe you ought to call it a day.

JONAS
You forget who owns this place?

FERN
Not even a little. Just a tip. In
this town, silence carries a gun.

JONAS
The fuck is that supposed to mean?

MANUEL
(to Fern)
Come on. I'll give you the lay of
the land.

They head into the kitchen. Jonas pours himself a shot.

Kit watches, unreadable. Behind him, José’s eyes open, sharp
and alert. Magda puts on her coat, walks out.

KITCHEN

Manuel grips a sideboard, yanks it away from the wall with
casual strength. Behind it a wall safe.

MANUEL
(Spanish, subtitled)
This is where Tío Pepe kept the stash.
Cocaine, mostly. Sometimes pills.

FERN
Who else knows?

MANUEL
You and me make two.

FERN
So he brought you all the way in.

MANUEL
I helped him bury a guy once. After
that, no secrets.

Jonas walks in.

JONAS
What the fuck is this?

He sees the sideboard. The safe. Manuel straightens, wipes
his hands on his jeans. Fern turns, calm.

FERN
Now there are three.

JONAS
Three what?

Fern claps Jonas on the shoulder as he walks out, Manuel
following.

FERN
If you're smart, you won't ask
questions.

O.S. Manuel and Fern LAUGH.

IN THE BAR

MANUEL
(Spanish, subtitled)
See you later.

Manuel leaves. Fern goes behind the bar, efficiently cuts
limes. Luis and Carlos slap a bill on the counter. Jonas walks
in from the kitchen. They smirk, swagger out.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In the dimly lit bar El Milagro Perdido, Jonas stocks the fridge while Magda cleans tables and José sleeps. Fern arrives with Manuel Castañeda, who introduces himself to Jonas, creating an uncomfortable tension. Manuel discusses a pay increase for Jonas, but confusion arises about the arrangement. Fern hints at the dangers of silence in their town, suggesting Jonas should leave. In the kitchen, Manuel reveals a hidden safe containing drugs, implying illicit involvement with Fern. Jonas walks in on this revelation, but Fern dismisses his concerns, leaving him bewildered. The scene concludes with Manuel and Fern laughing as they exit, leaving Jonas alone with the unsettling implications of their conversation.
Strengths
  • Building tension and mystery
  • Intriguing character dynamics
  • Cryptic and engaging dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development in this specific scene
  • Some elements may be too cryptic for clarity

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively builds tension and mystery through the introduction of a new character, cryptic dialogue, and hints at hidden secrets. The atmosphere is palpable, and the interactions between the characters are engaging.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of introducing a new character with hidden motives and secrets adds depth to the story. The scene effectively sets up future conflicts and plot developments.

Plot: 8.5

The plot thickens with the introduction of Manuel and the hints at hidden secrets and tensions among the characters. The scene moves the story forward and sets up future conflicts.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a familiar setting of a bar but adds a fresh twist with the introduction of criminal elements and complex character dynamics. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are intriguing and complex, with hidden agendas and conflicting motivations. The interactions between them add depth to their personalities and relationships.

Character Changes: 8

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the introduction of Manuel and the hints at hidden secrets set the stage for potential character development and changes in future scenes.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to navigate a dangerous situation involving criminal activities and maintain a sense of control and composure.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to handle the unexpected arrival of Manuel and the implications of his presence in the bar.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8.5

The conflict in the scene is subtle but palpable, with tensions rising between the characters and hints at hidden conflicts and secrets. The unease and suspense add to the overall conflict level.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the arrival of Manuel and the revelation of the hidden wall safe creating obstacles and challenges for the protagonist. The audience is left wondering how the protagonist will navigate these new threats.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in the scene as tensions rise, secrets are hinted at, and conflicts simmer beneath the surface. The characters' fates and relationships are at risk, adding to the overall sense of suspense and intrigue.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by introducing new conflicts, tensions, and secrets among the characters. It sets up future plot developments and keeps the audience engaged.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected arrival of Manuel and the revelation of the hidden wall safe, hinting at deeper secrets and conflicts. The audience is left unsure of how the situation will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around loyalty, trust, and the consequences of silence in a dangerous environment. It challenges the protagonist's beliefs about loyalty and the importance of maintaining silence in a criminal setting.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a sense of unease, tension, and anticipation, leading to an emotional impact on the audience. The hidden secrets and conflicting motivations of the characters add depth to the emotional resonance.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is cryptic, loaded with subtext, and adds to the tension and mystery of the scene. It reveals just enough to keep the audience engaged and guessing.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its tense atmosphere, complex character dynamics, and subtle hints at larger conflicts. The dialogue and interactions between characters draw the audience in and create a sense of anticipation.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a gradual buildup of tension and suspense. The rhythm of the dialogue and actions keeps the audience engaged and creates a sense of anticipation.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting. The formatting enhances the readability and flow of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness in building tension and suspense.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes tension and intrigue with the introduction of Manuel and the implications of the safe. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext to enhance the stakes. For instance, instead of directly stating 'I helped him bury a guy once,' Manuel could imply this through a more cryptic remark, which would create a sense of foreboding without being overt.
  • Jonas's confusion is a strong emotional anchor for the audience, but it could be deepened by showing more of his internal struggle. Instead of just being confused, perhaps he could express a sense of betrayal or fear about the implications of what he overhears, which would heighten the tension.
  • The use of Spanish with subtitles adds authenticity, but it might be more impactful if the characters occasionally switch to English for key phrases that emphasize the stakes or emotional weight of the conversation. This would allow non-Spanish speaking audiences to feel the tension without losing the cultural context.
  • The scene's pacing feels a bit rushed, particularly in the transition from the bar to the kitchen. Slowing down the moment when Jonas discovers the safe could amplify the tension. A brief pause or a moment of hesitation from Jonas before he reacts could enhance the dramatic impact.
  • The visual elements are strong, particularly the description of the bar and the characters' actions. However, incorporating more sensory details—like the sounds of the bar, the smell of the alcohol, or the atmosphere—could immerse the audience further into the setting.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more subtext to Manuel's dialogue to create a sense of mystery and tension without being too explicit about the past.
  • Deepen Jonas's emotional response to the situation by incorporating internal conflict or fear, which would make his confusion more relatable and impactful.
  • Use English strategically for key phrases to emphasize the stakes and emotional weight of the conversation, making it accessible to all viewers.
  • Slow down the pacing during the transition to the kitchen, allowing for a moment of hesitation or realization from Jonas to heighten the tension.
  • Incorporate more sensory details to enhance the atmosphere of the bar, making the setting feel more alive and engaging for the audience.



Scene 28 -  A Change of Plans
EXT. COBBLESTONE STREET – EVENING

The sky is orange. The setting sun lights buildings on fire.
Liv walks with purpose, the bar just up ahead.

Across the street, Magda steps out of a tienda. She hurries
to intercept Liv.

MAGDA
(Spanish, subtitled)
Slow down, mija.

LIV
I'm really late. Everything took
longer than I thought.

MAGDA
You don't need to go there tonight.

LIV
What are you talking about?

MAGDA
Come. Stay with me. Until the boys
finish marking their territory.

LIV
Fern?

MAGDA
He's San Miguelense. He knows how
to walk the edge without falling
off.

LIV
Then Jonas?

MAGDA
Kit will make sure whatever needs
handling gets handled with no-one
dying.

LIV
I could use a night off.

MAGDA
We’ll put on a movie. You pick.
I’ll make popcorn with trufas!

Liv exhales, tension melting just a little. The orange light
softens around them as they turn and walk away.
Genres: ["Drama","Romance"]

Summary As the sun sets over a cobblestone street, Liv is determined to head to the bar, but her friend Magda intercepts her, urging her to reconsider. They discuss Liv's worries about Fern and Jonas, with Magda providing reassurance and inviting Liv to stay for a movie night instead. The scene transitions from Liv's urgency to a comforting atmosphere as she begins to relax, ultimately deciding to walk away with Magda, leaving her tension behind.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Authentic dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Limited plot progression
  • Low conflict level

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys a sense of intimacy and support between the characters, setting a tone of hope and comfort. The dialogue and interactions feel genuine and heartfelt, adding depth to the characters and their relationships.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of showcasing a quiet, supportive moment between characters amidst a larger narrative is well-realized. The scene adds depth to the characters and explores themes of friendship and understanding.

Plot: 7.5

While the scene does not significantly advance the main plot, it provides important character development and emotional depth. The interaction between Liv and Magda adds layers to their relationship and sets the stage for future events.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the theme of duty versus personal well-being by embedding it within a culturally rich and vibrant setting. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The scene excels in character development, particularly in showcasing the bond between Liv and Magda. Their personalities shine through in their interactions, adding richness to their dynamic.

Character Changes: 7

While there is not a significant change in the characters' arcs, the scene deepens the bond between Liv and Magda, showcasing their mutual support and understanding.

Internal Goal: 8

Liv's internal goal in this scene is to find a moment of respite and relaxation amidst the chaos and tension she is facing. She desires a break from her responsibilities and the dangerous situations she is involved in.

External Goal: 7

Liv's external goal is to navigate the dangerous situations she is involved in, particularly with the boys marking their territory. She is torn between her responsibilities and the desire for a night off.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 2

The scene is low on conflict, focusing more on the emotional connection between characters rather than external tensions.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create conflict and uncertainty for the protagonist, adding depth to the narrative and keeping the audience engaged.

High Stakes: 3

The stakes are relatively low in this scene, focusing more on personal connections and emotions rather than high-stakes events.

Story Forward: 6

The scene does not propel the main story forward significantly but adds depth to the characters and relationships, setting the stage for future developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected offer from Magda to Liv, challenging the audience's expectations of Liv's choices and actions.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the balance between duty and personal well-being. Magda offers Liv a chance to prioritize her own safety and relaxation over her responsibilities, challenging Liv's beliefs about duty and sacrifice.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking feelings of warmth, empathy, and comfort. The tender moments between Liv and Magda resonate with the audience.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is natural and engaging, reflecting the close relationship between Liv and Magda. The conversations feel authentic and contribute to the emotional impact of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the emotional depth of the characters, the tension between duty and personal desires, and the vivid setting that draws the reader in.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension through the dialogue and character interactions, leading to a satisfying resolution.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear dialogue formatting and scene descriptions that enhance the visual imagery.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear character interactions and progression of the narrative arc. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the effectiveness of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the tension and urgency in Liv's character as she navigates her complicated relationships. The dialogue between Liv and Magda is natural and reveals their bond, but it could benefit from more subtext to deepen the emotional stakes. For instance, instead of directly stating 'I could use a night off,' Liv could express her feelings more indirectly, perhaps by reflecting on her exhaustion or the chaos of her life, which would add layers to her character.
  • Magda's character serves as a grounding force for Liv, but her motivations could be clearer. Why is she so insistent that Liv stay with her? Adding a line that hints at her own fears or experiences could enhance her role as a mentor or protector, making her advice feel more urgent and personal.
  • The visual imagery of the orange sky and the setting sun is evocative, but it could be tied more closely to Liv's emotional state. For example, if the sunset symbolizes the end of a tumultuous day for Liv, a line reflecting on the beauty of the sunset juxtaposed with her inner turmoil could create a more poignant moment.
  • The pacing of the scene is generally good, but it feels slightly rushed. Liv's urgency is clear, but the transition from her tension to the moment of relief when she considers Magda's offer could be more gradual. Allowing for a brief pause or hesitation before she agrees to stay could heighten the emotional impact.
  • The dialogue is mostly effective, but some lines feel a bit on-the-nose. For example, Magda's line about Fern knowing how to 'walk the edge without falling off' could be rephrased to sound more casual and less expository. This would help maintain the natural flow of conversation.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding subtext to Liv's dialogue to convey her emotional state without explicitly stating it. This can create a more nuanced character portrayal.
  • Clarify Magda's motivations for wanting Liv to stay with her. A line that hints at her own fears or past experiences could deepen her character.
  • Tie the visual imagery of the sunset more closely to Liv's emotional journey. A line reflecting on the sunset's beauty in contrast to her feelings could enhance the scene's emotional weight.
  • Slow down the pacing slightly to allow for a more gradual transition from tension to relief. A brief pause or hesitation before Liv agrees to stay could amplify the emotional impact.
  • Revise some of the dialogue to sound more natural and less expository. This will help maintain the flow of conversation and keep the audience engaged.



Scene 29 -  Desperation and Departure
INT. JONAS & LIV’S TEMP RESIDENCE – EVENING

Liv throws clothes into a tote. Toothbrush. Face cream. A
sweatshirt. Her phone buzzes — she silences it.

She scribbles a note: “Staying with Magda. Be kind to yourself.
Take one of these to help you sleep. O”

She opens an unmarked container, checks its contents - 6 herbal
capsules. Leaves it by the note.

She takes a look around, closes the door behind her.

INT. EL MILAGRO PERDIDO – BAR – NIGHT

Lights low. Jonas, behind the bar, shirt stuck to his chest.
A near-empty bottle. Glass knocks as he pours a shaky shot.

Kit watches from his usual corner. His mezcal untouched.

JONAS
You ever want something so bad you
crush it just trying to hold on?

Jonas staggers around the bar props himself on a bar stool.

JONAS (CONT'D)
You can't stop it. It slips away.
No matter what you do.

KIT
What are you saying, Jonas?

JONAS
I want them gone. No. I need them
gone.

KIT
As I told you. Cash. Dollars.
Twenty thousand.

JONAS
I don’t have—

KIT
You will.

Kit pulls a USB from his pocket. Drops it on the bar along
with a business card "Kit Hendrix, Fixer."

KIT (CONT'D)
Watch at your own peril.

Kit doffs his hat, walks out, José along with him.

KIT (CONT'D)
Hasta mañana, amigo. Surely you
know that much Spanish.

José SNIGGERS.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In a tense evening scene, Liv prepares to leave her temporary home, packing her belongings and leaving a note for someone, indicating she will stay with Magda. Meanwhile, at the dimly lit bar El Milagro Perdido, Jonas struggles with his emotions, drinking heavily and expressing feelings of desperation to Kit. Kit offers a potential financial solution through a USB and business card, but Jonas, feeling helpless, is reluctant to accept help. The scene captures the weight of unresolved issues and the emotional turmoil of both characters, ending with Kit's departure, leaving Jonas in a state of distress.
Strengths
  • Tense atmosphere
  • Intriguing dialogue
  • High stakes
Weaknesses
  • Limited emotional depth
  • Some dialogue may be too cryptic for clarity

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively builds tension and intrigue through the interaction between Jonas and Kit, setting up a significant plot development. The dialogue is cryptic and engaging, keeping the audience hooked.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of introducing a fixer character who offers a solution to Jonas's problems adds complexity to the storyline. It opens up new possibilities and raises the stakes for the characters.

Plot: 8.5

The plot is advanced significantly in this scene with the introduction of Kit and the offer he presents to Jonas. It sets the stage for future developments and adds layers to the existing conflicts.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a mysterious and dangerous situation with unique character dynamics and a sense of impending conflict. The dialogue feels authentic and the actions are unexpected, adding to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters of Jonas and Kit are well-defined in this scene, with distinct personalities and motivations. Their interaction adds depth to their respective arcs and drives the plot forward.

Character Changes: 7

Jonas experiences a shift in perspective as he considers Kit's offer, showing a willingness to take drastic measures to solve his problems. This sets the stage for potential character development in future scenes.

Internal Goal: 8

Liv's internal goal is to leave the temporary residence and possibly escape a dangerous situation. This reflects her need for safety and security.

External Goal: 7

Jonas' external goal is to get rid of someone or something, possibly involving a criminal act. This reflects the immediate challenge he is facing in the scene.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict in the scene is high, with Jonas facing internal and external challenges. The tension between him and Kit adds to the overall sense of unease and sets up future confrontations.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting goals and motivations between the characters that create uncertainty and tension.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in this scene, with Jonas facing a critical decision that could have far-reaching consequences. The offer from Kit raises the stakes even further, adding urgency to the storyline.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward significantly by introducing a new character and a major plot development. It sets up future conflicts and resolutions, driving the narrative towards its climax.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected actions and dialogue of the characters, keeping the audience on edge and unsure of what will happen next.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between Jonas' desire to get rid of something at any cost and Kit's insistence on payment for his services. This challenges Jonas' values and morals.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes feelings of anxiety and suspense, drawing the audience into the characters' dilemmas. The emotional impact is significant but not overwhelming.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue in the scene is engaging and cryptic, adding to the tension and suspense. It reveals important information about the characters and their motivations, keeping the audience intrigued.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its suspenseful atmosphere, intriguing character dynamics, and the sense of mystery surrounding the characters' motivations.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene builds tension effectively, with a gradual escalation of conflict and suspense. The rhythm of the dialogue adds to the intensity of the scene.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings and concise action lines. The dialogue is formatted correctly and enhances the tension of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a typical structure for a suspenseful thriller, with a buildup of tension and conflict between characters. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the effectiveness of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene effectively contrasts Liv's decision to leave with Jonas's emotional turmoil, creating a strong juxtaposition between their experiences. However, the transition between Liv's packing and Jonas's despair could be smoother to enhance the emotional impact.
  • Jonas's dialogue is poignant and reflects his inner conflict, but it could benefit from more specificity. Instead of vague phrases like 'I want them gone,' consider having him articulate who 'them' refers to, which would deepen the audience's understanding of his motivations.
  • Kit's character is intriguing, but his dialogue feels somewhat detached. His lines could be more layered to reflect his role as a fixer and the moral ambiguity of his character. Adding a hint of empathy or cynicism could make him more compelling.
  • The visual elements are strong, particularly the description of the low lights and Jonas's physical state. However, consider incorporating more sensory details to immerse the audience further, such as the sounds of the bar or the atmosphere outside, which could heighten the tension.
  • The ending, with Kit leaving and José sniggering, feels abrupt. It might be more impactful to linger on Jonas's reaction to Kit's offer, allowing the audience to feel the weight of his desperation and the implications of Kit's proposition.
Suggestions
  • Enhance the emotional transition between Liv's packing and Jonas's scene by using a visual or auditory cue, such as the sound of a door closing or a fading echo of Liv's voice.
  • Clarify Jonas's motivations by specifying who he wants gone and why, which will help the audience connect with his emotional state more deeply.
  • Add layers to Kit's character by incorporating more nuanced dialogue that reflects his understanding of the situation and his relationship with Jonas.
  • Include more sensory details to create a richer atmosphere, such as the sounds of the bar, the smell of alcohol, or the feeling of the air, to draw the audience into the scene.
  • Consider extending the scene to include a moment of silence or reflection after Kit leaves, allowing Jonas's emotional turmoil to resonate with the audience before transitioning to the next scene.



Scene 30 -  Descent into Chaos
INT. JONAS & LIV’S TEMP RESIDENCE – NIGHT

Jonas fumbles the USB into a laptop. He scrolls through photos
of Liv and Fern, jaw tightening as they become more damning,
from a smile to a kiss, until - a video.

He hesitates, CLICKS. The video is grainy, but the sound is
clear. Liv MOANING, PANTING, ECSTATIC, "Mi Amor."

He SLAMS the laptop closed. His face contorts — rage,
heartbreak, nausea. He GAGS, grabs a trashcan, VOMITS.

He stumbles into the

HALLWAY

Reads labels on cardboard boxes, tosses them aside. GRUNTS in
frustration. He kicks a box. It flips on its side. In Black
Sharpie: "JONAS'S FILES - PRIVATE."

He gets down on his knees, rips the box open. Inside thick
yellow envelopes. He tears them open. Stacks of $100 bills.
He rolls on his back, clutching them to his chest. He LAUGHS.
He CRIES. Delirious.

He sits up, digs in the box. Beneath papers, a cigar box. He
opens it. Pulls out a gun. He rises, stumbles back into the

LIVING ROOM

Dials his phone.

JONAS
I have your asking.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In a dark and chaotic night, Jonas grapples with the emotional fallout of discovering incriminating evidence of Liv's infidelity on a laptop. Overwhelmed by rage and heartbreak, he experiences physical distress, culminating in vomiting. In a frantic search through cardboard boxes, he finds a stash of cash that brings a mix of laughter and tears, but the discovery of a gun shifts his mindset towards violence. The scene concludes with Jonas dialing his phone, signaling a potential confrontation as he reaches a breaking point.
Strengths
  • Intense emotional impact
  • Revealing crucial information
  • Strong character development
Weaknesses
  • Potential for melodrama
  • Heavy reliance on shock value

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene is highly impactful, with a strong emotional core and a significant plot development that keeps the audience engaged and invested.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of the scene, focusing on a character's shocking discovery and subsequent actions, is compelling and well-executed.

Plot: 9.5

The plot development in this scene is crucial, as it reveals a significant revelation that will have a major impact on the story moving forward.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the theme of betrayal and secrets, combining elements of emotional drama with hints of danger and criminality. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed, with Jonas's emotional turmoil and drastic actions adding depth and complexity to the scene.

Character Changes: 9

Jonas undergoes a significant change in this scene, moving from shock and heartbreak to a drastic decision that will alter the course of the story.

Internal Goal: 9

Jonas's internal goal in this scene is to come to terms with the betrayal he feels from Liv. His deeper needs, fears, and desires are reflected in his emotional reaction to the video and the discovery of the money and gun.

External Goal: 8

Jonas's external goal in this scene is to confront Liv about the video and possibly the money and gun he finds in the box. It reflects the immediate challenge of dealing with betrayal and potentially dangerous secrets.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9.5

The conflict in the scene is intense and internal, as Jonas grapples with his emotions and the shocking revelation he uncovers.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Jonas facing internal and external obstacles that challenge his beliefs, values, and actions. The audience is left uncertain about how he will navigate the situation.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in this scene, as Jonas's discovery and actions have the potential to change the dynamics of the relationships and the overall narrative.

Story Forward: 10

The scene propels the story forward by revealing a crucial piece of information and setting up future conflicts and developments.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists and turns in Jonas's discovery of Liv's betrayal, as well as the revelation of the money and gun in the box. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of what will happen next.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the clash between trust and deception, love and betrayal, honesty and secrecy. It challenges Jonas's beliefs about relationships, loyalty, and morality.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9.5

The scene has a high emotional impact, eliciting strong feelings of anger, heartbreak, and desperation from the audience.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue effectively conveys the emotional turmoil and tension in the scene, adding to the overall impact.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the high emotional stakes, the mystery surrounding Liv's actions, and the intense reactions of the protagonist. The audience is drawn into the conflict and invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and suspense, with a gradual reveal of information and emotional beats that keep the audience engaged and invested in the outcome.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and easy to follow, with concise descriptions and dialogue that enhance the pacing and mood of the scene.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene effectively builds tension and reveals information in a suspenseful manner, following the expected format for a dramatic confrontation scene.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures Jonas's emotional turmoil as he discovers the incriminating evidence against Liv. The visceral reaction of vomiting adds a strong physicality to his emotional state, which is a powerful choice that conveys his heartbreak and rage.
  • The transition from the laptop to the physical space of the hallway and living room is well-executed, showing Jonas's descent into chaos as he grapples with his feelings. However, the pacing could be tightened to maintain tension; the moment of him scrolling through the photos could be more impactful if it were more concise.
  • The use of the box labeled 'JONAS'S FILES - PRIVATE' is a clever visual cue that symbolizes Jonas's hidden aspects and secrets. However, the discovery of cash feels somewhat abrupt and could benefit from more buildup or context to enhance its significance in the narrative.
  • Jonas's emotional rollercoaster from laughter to tears is compelling, but it may come off as slightly melodramatic without sufficient grounding in his character's previous emotional state. A bit more context about his mental state leading up to this moment could help the audience connect more deeply with his experience.
  • The final moment where Jonas pulls out the gun is a strong visual and narrative choice, indicating a shift towards a more dangerous mindset. However, the dialogue 'I have your asking' feels vague and could be more impactful if it directly referenced the stakes or the person he is calling, enhancing the tension.
Suggestions
  • Consider tightening the pacing of Jonas's initial reaction to the video by focusing on key emotional beats rather than lingering too long on the scrolling. This will help maintain tension and keep the audience engaged.
  • Add a brief moment of reflection or internal dialogue for Jonas before he discovers the cash, which could provide insight into his mental state and make his emotional breakdown more relatable.
  • Enhance the significance of the cash discovery by incorporating a line of dialogue or a flashback that hints at its importance, perhaps connecting it to Jonas's past decisions or motivations.
  • Clarify the final line of dialogue to make it more specific and impactful. Instead of 'I have your asking,' consider a line that directly references the stakes or the person he is confronting, which will heighten the tension and urgency of the moment.
  • Consider using more sensory details to describe Jonas's physical environment as he moves through the space, which could enhance the emotional weight of his actions and create a more immersive experience for the audience.



Scene 31 -  A Favor Among Friends
EXT. FERN’S APARTMENT – MORNING

José waits across from Fern’s, sips a smoothie, weathered hat
low on his brow. He’s shaved. Sober. His normal self.

The door opens. FERN steps out. José crosses to join him.

FERN
(Spanish, subtitled)
What's up, brother?

JOSÉ
Just wanting your take on the gringo.
A liability?

FERN
To himself mostly. A drunk on the
skids.

JOSÉ
We can't have him asking questions.

FERN
I told him to zip his lip. If he's
too stupid not to listen, then...

JOSÉ
What if he goes to the cops?

They look at each other, considering as if that was a serious
question. Both burst out LAUGHING.

Fern pulls Liv’s broken gold chain and locket from his pocket.

FERN
Can you do me a favor? I'm running
late. Drop this at the jeweler’s on
Codo? Tell them it’s for Olivia.

José takes it, tucks it in his pocket. Fern gives him an
appreciative pat on the shoulder, heads off down the street.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In the morning outside Fern's apartment, José waits soberly and expresses concern about a drunken 'gringo' who could attract police attention. Fern reassures him with humor, downplaying the gringo's intelligence. They share a laugh, easing the tension, before Fern asks José to deliver a broken gold chain and locket to a jeweler for Olivia. The scene concludes with a friendly pat on the shoulder as Fern heads off, highlighting their trust and camaraderie.
Strengths
  • Tension-building dialogue
  • Intriguing character dynamics
  • Foreshadowing of future conflicts
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development
  • Lack of resolution in the scene

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively builds tension and mystery through the dialogue and actions of the characters, setting up potential conflicts and revealing hidden agendas. The interaction between Fern and José adds depth to the narrative and leaves the audience wanting to know more.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene revolves around secrecy, hidden motives, and potential danger, which are effectively conveyed through the dialogue and actions of the characters. The introduction of Liv's broken gold chain adds a layer of complexity to the narrative.

Plot: 8.5

The plot of the scene advances the overarching narrative by introducing new conflicts and raising questions about the characters' relationships and motivations. The interaction between Fern and José adds depth to the story and sets up future developments.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the criminal underworld genre, with unique character dynamics and a focus on moral ambiguity. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters of Fern and José are well-developed in this scene, with their interactions revealing aspects of their personalities and motivations. The scene sets up potential character arcs and conflicts that will unfold in the story.

Character Changes: 7

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the interaction between Fern and José hints at potential shifts in their motivations and relationships. The scene sets the stage for future developments that may lead to character growth.

Internal Goal: 8

José's internal goal in this scene is to maintain control and protect his interests in the criminal activities he is involved in. This reflects his deeper need for power and security in a dangerous world.

External Goal: 7

José's external goal is to ensure that the 'gringo' does not pose a threat to their criminal operations. This reflects the immediate challenge of dealing with potential informants or law enforcement.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The scene contains a moderate level of conflict, primarily stemming from the tension between Fern and José and the implications of their conversation. The potential risks and dangers hinted at in the dialogue raise the stakes for the characters.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the characters facing potential threats and challenges to their criminal activities. The audience is left uncertain of how the characters will navigate these obstacles.

High Stakes: 8

The scene establishes high stakes through the cryptic conversation between Fern and José, hinting at potential dangers and risks for the characters involved. The implications of their interaction raise the stakes and set the stage for future conflicts.

Story Forward: 9

The scene effectively moves the story forward by introducing new conflicts, raising questions about the characters' intentions, and setting up future plot developments. The interaction between Fern and José adds depth to the narrative and propels the story towards its next phase.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the characters' shifting allegiances and the potential for violence or betrayal. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how the situation will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the characters' willingness to resort to violence and deception to protect their interests. This challenges their beliefs about loyalty and morality in their criminal world.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7.5

The scene evokes a sense of unease and anticipation in the audience, creating an emotional connection through the characters' cryptic interactions and hidden motives. The tension and mystery contribute to the overall emotional impact.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene is tense and cryptic, effectively conveying the characters' hidden agendas and the sense of unease between them. The exchanges between Fern and José are impactful and set the tone for future interactions.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its sharp dialogue, tense atmosphere, and intriguing character dynamics. The audience is drawn into the characters' secretive world and the unfolding drama.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and suspense, with a gradual escalation of conflict and resolution. The rhythm of the dialogue and character interactions adds to the scene's effectiveness.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting. This enhances the readability and flow of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a crime thriller genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness in building tension and intrigue.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes a sense of camaraderie between Fern and José, showcasing their relationship through casual dialogue. However, the stakes feel low, and the conversation lacks tension, especially given the context of Jonas's emotional turmoil from the previous scene. The audience may struggle to connect the gravity of Jonas's situation with the lighthearted banter between Fern and José.
  • The dialogue is functional but could benefit from more subtext. While they laugh about the potential consequences of Jonas's actions, the humor feels somewhat disconnected from the serious implications of their conversation. This could be an opportunity to deepen the conflict by having them express more concern or fear about the repercussions of Jonas's behavior.
  • The visual elements are minimal in this scene. While the setting of Fern's apartment is established, there is little description of the environment that could enhance the mood. Adding sensory details about the morning atmosphere or the surroundings could help ground the scene and create a more vivid picture for the audience.
  • The transition from the previous scene, where Jonas is in a state of emotional chaos, to this scene feels abrupt. The tonal shift from Jonas's turmoil to the lighthearted exchange between Fern and José may confuse the audience. A smoother transition or a brief moment of reflection from Fern about Jonas's situation could help bridge this gap.
  • The scene ends rather abruptly without a strong emotional or narrative hook. While Fern's request to José is clear, it lacks a sense of urgency or consequence that would compel the audience to care about what happens next. A more impactful closing line or action could enhance the scene's overall effectiveness.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment of reflection for Fern about Jonas's situation before he engages in lighthearted banter with José. This could help maintain the tension and connect the two scenes more effectively.
  • Incorporate more subtext into the dialogue. Instead of just laughing off the potential consequences, have Fern and José express genuine concern or fear about what could happen if Jonas doesn't keep quiet.
  • Enhance the visual description of the setting. Include details about the morning light, the sounds of the neighborhood, or the atmosphere around Fern's apartment to create a more immersive experience for the audience.
  • Create a stronger transition from the previous scene to this one. Perhaps include a brief moment where Fern reflects on Jonas's emotional state or the implications of his actions before shifting to the lighter conversation with José.
  • End the scene with a more impactful line or action that hints at the consequences of their conversation or leaves the audience with a sense of anticipation for what comes next.



Scene 32 -  Festive Preparations at El Milagro Perdido
EXT. EL MILAGRO PERDIDO - LATE MORNING

Liv stands the sandwich chalkboard announcing Fresh Tapas,
Happy Hours, Live Music, etc. on the sidewalk. She considers
securing it to a horse tie-ring in the wall. Decides not to.

Carlos and Luis amble up.

LUIS
(Spanish, subtitled)
You seriously not going to chain
that?

LIV
(shrugs)
If kids steal it, they're welcome.

The sound of NORTEÑA POLKA MUSIC grows closer. They turn to
see 30 or so Locos - people in costume with massive masks of
CLOWN HEADS, FRANKENSTEIN, BART SIMPSON, THE MAD HATTER, SATAN
WITH HORNS, WHITE-FACED MONSTERS, dance toward them. A truck
blasting the music from a speaker brings up the rear.

LIV (CONT'D)
(calls in through the
door)
Magda. Come out.

Liv joins in the dance. Magda joins her. Just then, Kit turns
the corner. Liv hooks her arm through his, whirls him around.
Carlos and Luis snap photos. LAUGH.

KIT
Just another day in paradise.

As the truck disappears down the street, they all walk into

EL MILAGRO PERDIDO

Tablecloths flutter in the breeze from the propped-open door.
Fresh flowers in little mismatched vases add color to each
table. Magda HUMS as she returns to place candles on tables.

Carlos and Luis pause at the entrance, surprised at the
feminine do-over.

KIT
Don't be hasty to judge.

They shrug, go sit at their usual table.

LIV
Beers, boys?

Liv plonks down two ice-cold beers before them.

Fern enters from the kitchen, grinning, carries a foam cooler
like it’s treasure chest over to Liv.

FERN
Guess what landed fresh this morning?

He pulls out a glistening bag of blue crab meat.

FERN (CONT'D)
My guy said this batch never even
hit the market.

LIV
Smells like the ocean.

MAGDA
Crab cakes?

FERN
And a remoulade that’ll make a bishop
beg.

LIV
Let’s prep a big batch. Freeze half.
That way we’re not scrambling this
weekend.

FERN
You're the boss.

She LAUGHS. Madga smiles to see her happy.
Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

Summary Liv contemplates securing a sandwich chalkboard outside El Milagro Perdido when Carlos and Luis arrive, leading to a light-hearted discussion. A parade of costumed dancers prompts Liv to join the festivities, and she playfully pulls Kit into the dance. The lively atmosphere inside the restaurant is enhanced by Fern's arrival with fresh blue crab meat, suggesting they prepare crab cakes for the weekend, which Liv enthusiastically agrees to. The scene captures the joyful camaraderie among the characters as they prepare for a festive day.
Strengths
  • Engaging character interactions
  • Vibrant setting
  • Natural dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Low conflict level
  • Limited plot development

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively sets a light-hearted and upbeat tone through the interactions of the characters and the playful atmosphere of the bar. It introduces elements of drama subtly, hinting at potential conflicts and character dynamics.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of showcasing a day at a Mexican bar with colorful characters and interactions is engaging and sets the stage for potential developments in the plot. The focus on food and drink adds depth to the scene.

Plot: 7.5

While the plot in this scene is not heavily developed, it hints at potential conflicts and character relationships that could unfold in the future. It serves as a setup for future events.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces unique cultural elements and characters, such as the Locos in costume masks and the fresh blue crab meat, adding authenticity and freshness to the story.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters in the scene are well-defined and each has a distinct personality that adds to the dynamic of the group. Their interactions feel authentic and engaging.

Character Changes: 6

There are subtle hints at character dynamics and potential changes, but no significant character development occurs in this scene.

Internal Goal: 8

Liv's internal goal is to maintain a sense of freedom and openness, as seen in her decision not to chain the sandwich chalkboard and her carefree attitude towards potential theft.

External Goal: 7

Liv's external goal is to run a successful and unique restaurant, as shown by her excitement over the fresh blue crab meat and her strategic planning for the weekend rush.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 5

While there are hints of potential conflicts in the scene, the overall conflict level is relatively low. The focus is more on character interactions and setting up future developments.

Opposition: 6

The opposition in the scene is moderate, with the potential conflict between Liv's approach to running the restaurant and the traditional expectations of Carlos and Luis, adding tension and complexity to the story.

High Stakes: 4

The stakes in this scene are relatively low, focusing more on the day-to-day interactions of the characters and the setting up of future events.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by introducing new elements, setting up potential conflicts, and establishing the relationships between the characters.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected arrival of the Locos in costume masks and the surprise reveal of the fresh blue crab meat, adding a sense of excitement and intrigue.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

There is a philosophical conflict between Liv's laid-back approach to running the restaurant and the traditional expectations of Carlos and Luis, who are surprised by the feminine do-over of the restaurant.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene has a moderate emotional impact, mainly through the joy and camaraderie displayed by the characters. It evokes a sense of warmth and positivity.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue in the scene is natural and reflects the relationships between the characters. It is light-hearted and playful, adding to the overall tone of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its lively and colorful setting, dynamic character interactions, and the introduction of intriguing elements like the fresh blue crab meat.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-balanced, with a mix of slower moments for character interactions and faster-paced moments for the introduction of the fresh blue crab meat, creating a sense of rhythm and momentum.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene descriptions, character actions, and dialogue that enhance the visual and emotional impact of the story.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with well-defined character interactions and a progression of events that build towards the introduction of the fresh blue crab meat.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures a lively atmosphere with the arrival of the costumed dancers and the upbeat norteña polka music, which adds a festive tone. However, the transition from the previous scene to this one feels abrupt. A brief moment of reflection or a smoother segue could enhance the flow.
  • Liv's character is portrayed as carefree and welcoming, especially in her interactions with Carlos, Luis, and Fern. However, her decision to leave the chalkboard unsecured could be better justified. Adding a line that reflects her trust in the community or her laid-back attitude towards potential theft would deepen her characterization.
  • The dialogue is light and humorous, which fits the scene's tone. However, the line 'If kids steal it, they're welcome' feels slightly out of place and could be rephrased to sound more natural or reflective of Liv's personality. It might come off as dismissive rather than playful.
  • The introduction of the costumed dancers is visually striking and adds a layer of cultural richness to the scene. However, the description could benefit from more sensory details to immerse the audience further. For instance, describing the colors of the costumes or the energy of the dancers would enhance the visual imagery.
  • The camaraderie among the characters is evident, but the scene could use a hint of underlying tension or stakes to keep the audience engaged. Given the previous scenes' darker themes, a subtle reminder of the challenges Liv faces could add depth to the moment of joy.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief transition that connects the previous scene's emotional weight to the lightheartedness of this one, perhaps through a line of dialogue or a visual cue.
  • Rephrase Liv's line about the chalkboard to better reflect her personality, perhaps by emphasizing her trust in the community or her relaxed attitude towards minor theft.
  • Enhance the sensory details of the costumed dancers and the music to create a more vivid picture of the scene, allowing the audience to feel the energy and excitement.
  • Introduce a subtle hint of tension or stakes in the scene, such as a fleeting thought from Liv about her current struggles, to maintain engagement and depth amidst the joy.
  • Consider incorporating a moment where Liv reflects on the significance of the celebration, perhaps connecting it to her journey or the community's resilience, to add emotional resonance.



Scene 33 -  Contrasting Struggles
INT. JONAS & LIV’S TEMP RESIDENCE - LIVING ROOM - AFTERNOON

Jonas rolls off the sofa onto the floor, crawls into the

HALLWAY

Hauls himself up, clutching his stomach, runs through the

BEDROOM

And into the bathroom. O.S. VOMITING. TOILET FLUSHES.

He staggers in, collapses on the bed, rolls over. On the
bedside table, Liv's note.

He picks it up, bleary-eyed, GROANS. He opens the container,
tips the capsules into his mouth, swallows them dry.

INT. BAR – LATER

A YOUNG MUSICIAN, 20s, long hair, hand-rolled cigarette behind
his ear, strums the first notes of "Quizás, Quizás, Quizás."
Slow. Soulful.

Liv listens from behind the bar. Fern leans against the
doorframe to the kitchen, drying his hands on a towel. Carlos
and Luis jump to attention.

AT THE DOOR, Jesus enters, pauses to survey the scene.

JESÚS
(soft, almost amused)
What is this?

LIV
A bar. Same as before. But with
food and no bullshit service.

FERN
Jesús. Welcome. Can I get you a
drink?

JESÚS
Gracias, amigo. I just came to check
out the new and improved atmosphere.
Some people liked it as it was.

LIV
My food alone will change your mind.

JESÚS
We shall see.

He turns. Walks out, Carlos and Luis in tow.
Genres: ["Drama","Romance"]

Summary Jonas wakes up feeling ill and grapples with the emotional weight of a note from Liv while he takes medication. Meanwhile, at a bar, Liv confidently serves drinks and asserts that her food will impress Jesús, who enters with curiosity about the bar's improvements. The scene juxtaposes Jonas's internal turmoil with the lively atmosphere of the bar, highlighting the contrast between his distress and the upbeat interactions around him.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth of characters
  • Revealing key information
  • Building tension and drama
Weaknesses
  • Some scenes may feel rushed
  • Potential for confusion with multiple character arcs

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys the emotional depth of the characters, advances the plot significantly, and sets the stage for future conflicts and resolutions.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring complex relationships, emotional turmoil, and revelations within a bar setting is engaging and well-executed.

Plot: 8.5

The plot advances significantly in this scene, with key revelations and developments that will have a lasting impact on the story.

Originality: 7

The scene introduces familiar elements such as a bar setting and character interactions but adds a fresh perspective through the nuanced dialogue and subtle character development. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue enhances the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters are well-developed and their emotions are portrayed authentically, adding depth to the scene and setting up future conflicts.

Character Changes: 9

Jonas undergoes significant emotional changes, from desperation to a more dangerous mindset, while Liv and Fern's relationship evolves and deepens, setting the stage for future developments.

Internal Goal: 8

Jonas's internal goal in this scene is to alleviate his physical discomfort and possibly deal with emotional issues hinted at by Liv's note. This reflects his deeper need for relief and possibly a desire for connection or understanding.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to maintain the new and improved atmosphere of the bar and impress Jesús with the food. This reflects the immediate challenge of proving the worth of the changes made.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8.5

The scene is filled with internal and external conflicts, from Jonas's emotional turmoil to the budding romance between Liv and Fern, creating tension and drama.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create conflict and uncertainty, keeping the audience engaged and curious about the characters' motivations.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high for the characters, particularly Jonas, as he grapples with his relationship with Liv and the discoveries he makes, setting the stage for potential conflicts and resolutions.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward significantly, introducing key revelations and conflicts that will shape the characters' paths and relationships.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the subtle tensions between the characters and the potential for unexpected developments in their relationships.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between maintaining tradition and embracing change. Jesús represents the traditional view, while Liv embodies the spirit of change and improvement.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions from the audience, particularly through Jonas's despair and Liv and Fern's passionate connection, making it a poignant and memorable moment.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue effectively conveys the characters' emotions and motivations, driving the scene forward and adding layers to their relationships.

Engagement: 8

This scene is engaging because of the dynamic character interactions, the hint of conflict, and the sense of mystery surrounding the characters' motivations.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and maintaining the audience's interest, with a good balance of action and dialogue.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of the scene adheres to the standard screenplay format, with clear scene headings, action lines, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 9

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for a character-driven drama, with clear scene transitions and a focus on dialogue and interactions.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures Jonas's physical and emotional state through his actions, such as crawling and vomiting, which conveys his desperation and turmoil. However, the transition from Jonas's distress to the bar scene feels abrupt. A smoother transition could enhance the flow of the narrative.
  • The dialogue in the bar scene is light and humorous, contrasting with Jonas's earlier turmoil. While this juxtaposition can be effective, it may benefit from a stronger thematic connection to Jonas's emotional state. Consider incorporating a line or two that reflects the tension between his situation and the lively atmosphere of the bar.
  • Liv's confidence and assertiveness in the bar scene are well portrayed, but her interactions with Jesús could be deepened. Adding a moment of vulnerability or tension in their exchange could provide more depth to her character and highlight the stakes involved in her efforts to improve the bar.
  • The introduction of the young musician adds a nice touch to the atmosphere, but it might be more impactful if the music's lyrics or mood were referenced in relation to the characters' emotions. This could create a more cohesive emotional landscape throughout the scene.
  • The scene ends rather abruptly after Jesús's exit. A closing moment that ties back to Jonas's situation or hints at the consequences of his actions could provide a stronger sense of continuity and foreshadowing.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of reflection for Jonas after he reads Liv's note, perhaps showing a flash of memory or emotion that connects to their relationship. This could deepen the audience's understanding of his state of mind.
  • Introduce a line of dialogue from Liv that subtly acknowledges Jonas's struggles, even if she is unaware of the full extent. This could create a sense of connection between the two scenes and enhance the emotional stakes.
  • Incorporate a moment where the music in the bar reflects the mood of the characters, perhaps through a lyric that resonates with Liv's determination or Jonas's despair. This could create a more immersive experience for the audience.
  • Consider extending the scene with a brief interaction between Liv and a customer that highlights her growth and confidence, reinforcing her role as a leader in the bar while contrasting with Jonas's current state.
  • End the scene with a visual or auditory cue that links back to Jonas, such as a distant sound of his vomiting or a moment where Liv glances toward the door, suggesting her concern for him despite her current focus on the bar.



Scene 34 -  Moonlit Madness
INT. JONAS & LIV’S TEMP RESIDENCE - BEDROOM - EVENING

Jonas lies bug-eyed on the bed. The capsules he took were
psilocybin and they're kicking in big time.

O.S. the NORTEÑA MUSIC is faint, but drawing near.

Jonas stands, a goofy grin on his face. He swagger into the

HALLWAY

And out the front door to see the last of the sunset, moon
rising above. He HOWLS like a COYOTE.

Three LOCOS dressed as the SIMPSONS join in and HOWL, grab
his arms and pull him into a conga line. Now, he's in the
thick it. LOCOS loom all around, faces contorting, pressing
in, receding. The MUSIC LOUD. OOMPAH. OOMPAH. OOMPAH.

Frankenstein’s head grins too wide. Bart Simpson looks blood-
spattered. The Mad Hatter LAUGHS hysterically. The Red Satan
stabs his trident victoriously to the sky, points it at Jonas.

Jonas SCREAMS. The Locos LAUGH, think he's play acting.

Satan dances on and and a giant of a MAN in DRAG whirls Jonas
around. Jonas's sweaty hands slip and the momentum flings him
toward his door. A WHIMPERING MESS, he retreats inside.

INT. JONAS & LIV’S TEMP RESIDENCE - CONTINUOUS

His phone DINGS. He picks it up, downloads photos: Liv's gold
locket, a severed pinky.

His gun GLINTS. He clutches it to his chest, shrivels into
the corner, a SIMPERING blob.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary Under the influence of psilocybin, Jonas steps outside to howl at the moon, only to be swept into a chaotic conga line with costumed characters from 'The Simpsons' and other fantastical beings. As the music intensifies, his initial joy turns to panic, prompting him to retreat indoors. There, unsettling images on his phone heighten his anxiety, leading him to curl up in a corner, clutching a gun, overwhelmed by fear.
Strengths
  • Intense emotional impact
  • Effective portrayal of psychological turmoil
  • Compelling character development
Weaknesses
  • Minimal dialogue may limit character interactions and depth

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively creates a sense of unease and tension through its portrayal of Jonas's descent into madness. The hallucinatory sequences, coupled with the dark undertones and emotional turmoil, make for a compelling and impactful viewing experience.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of exploring a character's descent into madness through hallucinations and paranoia is intriguing and well-executed. It adds depth to the narrative and provides insight into Jonas's deteriorating mental state.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene focuses on Jonas's psychological unraveling, which is crucial for character development and setting up future conflicts. It adds complexity to the story and raises the stakes for the characters involved.

Originality: 9

The scene is highly original in its depiction of a psychedelic experience and the blending of pop culture references with surreal elements. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic within the context of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters in the scene, particularly Jonas, are well-developed and showcase a range of emotions and internal struggles. Their interactions and reactions contribute to the overall tension and suspense of the scene.

Character Changes: 8

Jonas undergoes a significant change in this scene, transitioning from a state of confusion and paranoia to a full-blown descent into madness. His emotional journey and mental deterioration are central to the scene's impact.

Internal Goal: 8

Jonas's internal goal is to navigate his altered state of mind and the overwhelming sensory experience he is having. This reflects his deeper fear of losing control and his desire to find a sense of grounding.

External Goal: 7

Jonas's external goal is to escape the chaotic and intense situation he finds himself in. This reflects the immediate challenge he faces in dealing with the unpredictable and overwhelming environment.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, focusing on Jonas's mental struggles and descent into madness. The tension and suspense arise from his hallucinations and paranoia, creating a sense of impending danger.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, as Jonas faces overwhelming sensory stimuli and internal conflict that create tension and uncertainty for both the character and the audience.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in the scene, as Jonas's mental state deteriorates rapidly, leading to potentially dangerous consequences for himself and those around him. The sense of impending doom and uncertainty heighten the tension and suspense.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by deepening the conflict and raising the stakes for the characters involved. It sets the stage for future developments and adds complexity to the narrative.

Unpredictability: 9

This scene is unpredictable because of the surreal and hallucinatory elements that keep the audience guessing about what is real and what is a product of Jonas's altered state of mind.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the clash between reality and hallucination, as Jonas struggles to distinguish between what is real and what is a product of his altered state of mind. This challenges his beliefs about perception and reality.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking feelings of unease, fear, and empathy for Jonas's deteriorating mental state. The intense emotions and psychological turmoil resonate with the audience, drawing them into the character's struggles.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue in the scene is minimal but impactful, conveying the characters' emotions and mental states effectively. It adds to the overall atmosphere and tension of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its unpredictable and surreal elements, as well as the intense emotional journey of the protagonist.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively conveys the disorienting and chaotic nature of Jonas's experience, keeping the audience engaged and on edge.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene effectively conveys the sensory overload and disorientation of the protagonist, enhancing the overall atmosphere and mood.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a non-linear structure that mirrors Jonas's disoriented state of mind, effectively conveying the chaos and confusion he is experiencing.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures Jonas's psychedelic experience, using vivid imagery and chaotic elements to convey his mental state. The contrast between the joyous conga line and Jonas's internal turmoil is striking, highlighting his descent into madness. However, the transition from the external chaos to his internal panic could be more fluid. The shift from the lively atmosphere to Jonas's fear feels abrupt, which may confuse the audience.
  • The use of specific characters like the 'LOCOS' dressed as The Simpsons adds a surreal quality to the scene, enhancing the psychedelic theme. However, the descriptions of these characters could be more concise. For instance, instead of detailing each character's costume, focusing on their collective impact on Jonas might streamline the narrative and maintain the scene's pace.
  • Jonas's emotional journey is compelling, but the dialogue is absent in this scene. While the lack of dialogue can emphasize his isolation and confusion, incorporating brief internal thoughts or fragmented speech could deepen the audience's connection to his character. This would also provide insight into his mental state as he grapples with the images on his phone.
  • The imagery of the severed pinky and the gold locket is powerful and disturbing, effectively conveying the stakes of Jonas's situation. However, the connection between these images and Jonas's emotional state could be more explicitly drawn. A line of internal monologue reflecting on the significance of these items might enhance the scene's emotional weight.
  • The final image of Jonas as a 'SIMPERING blob' is evocative, but it could benefit from a more descriptive lead-in. Instead of abruptly stating he 'shrivels into the corner,' consider building up to this moment with more sensory details about his physical state and surroundings, which would enhance the reader's immersion in his experience.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding brief internal monologue or fragmented thoughts from Jonas to provide insight into his emotional state during the psychedelic experience.
  • Streamline the descriptions of the LOCOS characters to focus on their collective impact rather than detailing each costume, which may slow down the pacing.
  • Explicitly connect the images on Jonas's phone to his emotional turmoil by incorporating a line of internal reflection on their significance.
  • Enhance the transition from the chaotic external environment to Jonas's internal panic to create a smoother narrative flow.
  • Add more sensory details leading up to Jonas's final position in the corner to deepen the reader's immersion in his experience.



Scene 35 -  Tensions at El Milagro Perdido
INT. EL MILAGRO PERDIDO - NIGHT

The mood is warm. Guitar MUSIC plays softly. Liv clears plates
from a COUPLE who hold hands across the table. Magda swoops
in, takes the plates. Liv turns to two elegant WOMEN, 60s.

LIV
Can I get you anything else, ladies?

ELEGANT WOMAN ONE
Just the bill, please. Your crab
cakes are divine.

ELEGANT WOMAN TWO
We'll tell all our friends.

ELEGANT WOMAN ONE
Guaranteed. She has a big mouth.

LIV
We have loyalty cards. Every tenth
tapa is free and their fresh every
day. We like to experiment. And
always eye candy at the mic, ladies.

Liv walks over to the bar. Fern is on it, hands her a check
on a Talavera dish with a loyalty card and two chocolates.

LIV (CONT'D)
Aren't we the well-oiled machine?

FERN
I suggest you head out. Magda's
ready. Manuel can walk you.

LIV
That's dramatic. As if he's going
to burst through the door like he's
in a Western.

FERN
Maybe. But let's not take the chance.

LIV
I just... feel sorry for him. He's
unraveling. We should take him to
rehab. Before he does something he
can't undo.

FERN
You think that's all he needs... a
ride and a pat on the back?

LIV
It’s better than watching him crash
and burn.

FERN
I guess you've been there, done that.

LIV
Excuse me?

FERN
Nothing. Seems it's easy for you to
pick up the pieces.

LIV
You think I planned this?

FERN
I think you’re smart. That’s all.

IN THE CORNER

Kit holds his phone, awaiting an answer. There is none. He
texts: "That's a heads-up. COD in the next hour."

He stands, nods politely to CUSTOMERS. José presses a bandaged
hand into the table to stand.

KIT
(Spanish, subtitled)
Get some sleep, my friend. You've
earned it.
Genres: ["Drama","Romance"]

Summary In the cozy restaurant El Milagro Perdido, Liv serves customers while grappling with her concern for Manuel's addiction. After a light-hearted interaction with a couple of elegant women, she confides in Fern about her worries and suggests rehab for Manuel, which Fern questions. Meanwhile, Kit anxiously awaits a text response, adding to the scene's tension. The warm atmosphere contrasts with the underlying urgency of Liv's situation, culminating in Kit offering support to José, who shows signs of fatigue.
Strengths
  • Strong character development
  • Emotional depth
  • Tension-building
  • Plot progression
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue may be overly cryptic or vague

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively builds tension and emotional depth through the interactions between the characters, setting the stage for future conflicts and resolutions.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of unraveling relationships and personal struggles is effectively explored, adding depth to the characters and setting the stage for future developments.

Plot: 8.5

The plot advances significantly in this scene, introducing new conflicts, dilemmas, and character motivations. It sets the stage for future events and resolutions.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a familiar setting of a restaurant but adds originality through the nuanced portrayal of interpersonal relationships and moral dilemmas. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed and their interactions feel authentic and layered. Each character's motivations and emotions are effectively conveyed, adding depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 8

The characters undergo subtle changes in their relationships and motivations, setting the stage for future developments and personal growth.

Internal Goal: 8

Liv's internal goal in this scene is to help Manuel, who she believes is unraveling and in need of support. This reflects her caring nature and desire to prevent him from making irreversible mistakes.

External Goal: 7

Liv's external goal is to maintain the smooth operation of the restaurant and ensure customer satisfaction. She also wants to address the situation with Manuel before it escalates.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8.5

The scene is filled with internal and external conflicts, creating tension and uncertainty for the characters. The conflicts drive the emotional intensity of the scene.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, as Liv and Fern have conflicting views on how to handle Manuel's situation. The unresolved tension adds complexity to the scene.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in this scene as the characters face personal dilemmas, relationship challenges, and potential consequences for their actions. The decisions made here will have a significant impact on the story.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by introducing new conflicts, dilemmas, and character dynamics. It sets the stage for future events and resolutions.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected turn in the conversation between Liv and Fern, as well as the unresolved situation with Manuel.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the idea of intervention versus letting someone face the consequences of their actions. Liv believes in helping Manuel before it's too late, while Fern questions whether a simple gesture of support is enough.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions of sympathy, tension, and concern for the characters' well-being. The intimate moments and emotional revelations add depth to the narrative.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is engaging and reveals important information about the characters' relationships and inner conflicts. It adds tension and emotional depth to the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the dynamic interactions between characters, the underlying tension, and the moral dilemma at its core.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and maintaining the audience's interest. The dialogue flows naturally and propels the scene forward.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene's formatting adheres to industry standards for a screenplay, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a traditional format for a dialogue-driven sequence in a restaurant setting. The pacing and rhythm of the dialogue contribute to the scene's effectiveness.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes a warm and inviting atmosphere in El Milagro Perdido, contrasting with the tension from the previous scene. This juxtaposition helps to heighten the emotional stakes as the audience is aware of the darker events unfolding outside the restaurant.
  • Liv's interactions with the customers and Fern showcase her charm and competence, reinforcing her role as a central character. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext to deepen the emotional resonance of her concern for Manuel. The audience should feel the weight of her empathy and the complexity of her situation.
  • Fern's dialogue hints at a deeper conflict regarding Liv's past and her ability to handle crises, but it feels somewhat abrupt. The line 'I guess you've been there, done that' could be expanded to provide more context about their relationship and Fern's perspective on Liv's experiences.
  • Kit's presence in the corner adds an element of suspense, but his actions and motivations could be more clearly connected to the main narrative. The text he sends could be integrated more seamlessly into the scene to enhance the tension and foreshadowing.
  • The scene ends with a shift in focus to Kit, which feels somewhat disjointed. A smoother transition between Liv's concerns for Manuel and Kit's ominous text could help maintain narrative flow and keep the audience engaged.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more layers to Liv's dialogue about Manuel, perhaps by including a specific memory or anecdote that illustrates her concern and connection to him. This would deepen her character and make her motivations clearer.
  • Expand on Fern's perspective regarding Liv's past. A line or two that hints at his own experiences or feelings about her choices could create a richer dynamic between them.
  • Integrate Kit's text message more fluidly into the scene. Perhaps have Liv notice Kit's anxious demeanor or the tension in the air, which could lead to a more natural segue into his actions.
  • To enhance the suspense, consider adding a visual cue that links Kit's phone activity to the restaurant's atmosphere, such as a sudden change in the music or the reactions of the patrons, which could foreshadow the impending conflict.
  • Ensure that the scene maintains a consistent tone throughout. If the atmosphere is warm and inviting, the dialogue should reflect that while still hinting at the underlying tension, creating a more cohesive emotional experience for the audience.



Scene 36 -  Betrayal in the Shadows
INT. JONAS & LIV’S TEMP RESIDENCE – NIGHT

Jonas lies on the floor, clutching his gun like a child grips
a teddy bear in a nightmare. A KNOCK at the door. Then another.
Jonas flinches, pulls himself to standing.

HALLWAY

Jonas opens the door a crack. Kit stands there, patient, civil.

KIT
Evening.

Jonas opens the door just wide enough for Kit to squeeze
through. He throws the DEADBOLT behind them.

KIT (CONT'D)
You alone?

JONAS
Other than the circus in my head,
yep.

Kat walks on into the

LIVING ROOM

Jonas follows. Kit drops a small canvas bag on the table.
Pulls open the drawstring. Reaches in and pulls out Liv’s
gold locket. Next, a pinky finger wrapped in plastic.

Jonas stares at the finger, breath jagged.

JONAS (CONT'D)
Her grandma's locket... she never
takes it off. She wouldn't if her
life depended on it.

KIT
You got the money?

JONAS
I got it. I just... You sure move
fast.

KIT
Fast problems. Fast solutions. My
money.

Jonas exits. Kit sinks into an armchair, relaxed, legs crossed
as if he's waiting for tea to be served.

Jonas returns. Slaps an envelope on the table. Kit opens it.
Flips through $100 bills, tucks the envelope into a bag. Jonas
stares at the locket.

JONAS
She wouldn't have gone easy. Not
Liv. She’s tough. She’s...

KIT
You asked for a solution. You got
it.

JONAS
Where’s the body?

KIT
Not part of the deal. I also said
you have to leave town. That’s the
part that still matters. Pack a
bag. Tonight. Get lost.

JONAS
I need proof. Real proof. That
body’s worth a million to me.

Kit just watches, the slow death-stare of a man who knows how
this ends.

JONAS (CONT'D)
That's dollars, baby. One million
United States minted dollars. For a
goddamn corpse.

Kit’s expression shifts. No pity. No rage. Just inevitability.

KIT
Careful, Jonas. Words got a way of
digging their own graves.

Jonas’s bravado rises. He lunges to grab Kit’s bag. Kit steps
back, easy.

JONAS
You give me that body, or you give
me my money back.

KIT
You never paid for a body. You paid
to be rid of a problem.

Jonas — humiliated, furious — pulls a gun from behind his
back. Levels it, shaky. Wild-eyed.

KIT (CONT'D)
Jesus, Jonas.

JONAS
You stole from me. You owe me! I'm
not leaving without what's mine.

KIT
You’re right. You ain’t leaving.

Jonas fires — BANG — a panic shot. Wall splinters.

Kit moves fast to pull the gun from Jonas's limp hand, but
Jonas holds tight. They tusstle. The gun fires. CRACK.

Jonas GASPS, drops to the floor, clutching his gut. Blood
pools around him.

KIT (CONT'D)
Goddamn it. You were supposed to
vanish. Not die on your floor like
a stray dog.

Kit puts the necklace and pinky, laptop, and USB, into his
bag, steps over Jonas, walks out.

KIT (CONT'D)
Good think you tussled. Prints on
the gun are all yours.
Genres: ["Thriller","Drama"]

Summary In a dark and tense scene, Jonas confronts Kit in their temporary residence, grappling with the emotional weight of Liv's presumed death. Kit arrives with Liv's gold locket and a severed pinky finger, escalating the confrontation over Jonas's debt and the proof of Liv's demise. As tensions rise, Jonas pulls a gun on Kit, leading to a violent struggle that ends with Jonas shot and bleeding on the floor, while Kit coldly takes the items and leaves.
Strengths
  • Intense atmosphere
  • Sharp dialogue
  • Strong character dynamics
  • High emotional impact
  • Compelling plot progression
Weaknesses
  • Graphic violence
  • Potentially triggering content

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene is gripping and intense, with well-developed characters, high stakes, and a significant plot progression. The dialogue is sharp and impactful, contributing to the overall tension and suspense.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of the scene, focusing on a dangerous deal and its violent aftermath, is compelling and well-executed. It explores themes of betrayal, desperation, and moral ambiguity effectively.

Plot: 9.2

The plot of the scene is intense and engaging, with significant developments in the characters' arcs and the overall story. It moves the narrative forward while adding depth to the characters and their motivations.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the crime thriller genre by focusing on the emotional and moral dilemmas faced by the characters. The authenticity of the dialogue and the unpredictable twists in the plot add to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9.3

The characters in the scene are well-developed and complex, with conflicting motivations and emotions that drive the conflict forward. Their interactions are compelling and add depth to the story.

Character Changes: 9

The scene leads to significant changes in Jonas's character, as he is pushed to the brink and makes a fateful decision that has lasting consequences. His transformation adds depth to the story and sets up future conflicts.

Internal Goal: 9

Jonas's internal goal in this scene is to find closure and justice for Liv's disappearance. His deeper need is to uncover the truth about what happened to her and to seek revenge on those responsible for her disappearance.

External Goal: 8

Jonas's external goal in this scene is to retrieve the body of Liv in order to prove her death and seek justice. This goal reflects the immediate challenge he is facing in dealing with Kit and the criminal underworld.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9.5

The conflict in the scene is intense and high-stakes, driving the action forward and leading to a dramatic confrontation between the characters. It keeps the audience engaged and invested in the outcome.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Kit presenting a formidable challenge to Jonas and creating a sense of uncertainty and danger. The audience is left unsure of how the confrontation will unfold.

High Stakes: 10

The stakes in the scene are extremely high, with lives on the line, betrayals exposed, and fateful decisions made. The outcome of the confrontation between Jonas and Kit will have far-reaching consequences for the characters and the story.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward significantly, introducing new conflicts, escalating existing tensions, and setting up future developments. It propels the narrative towards its climax and keeps the audience engaged.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in the plot and the characters' actions. The audience is kept guessing about the outcome of the confrontation between Jonas and Kit.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the clash between morality and self-preservation. Jonas is torn between seeking justice for Liv and protecting himself from the dangerous consequences of his actions.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9.4

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking fear, desperation, and shock in the characters and the audience. The intense emotions and dramatic events heighten the tension and suspense of the scene.

Dialogue: 9.1

The dialogue in the scene is sharp, impactful, and reveals important information about the characters and their relationships. It adds to the tension and suspense of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense dialogue, dramatic tension, and unpredictable twists in the plot. The conflict between the characters and the high stakes of the situation keep the audience on the edge of their seats.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is fast-paced and tense, with a rhythm that builds suspense and keeps the audience engaged. The quick back-and-forth dialogue and action sequences contribute to the effectiveness of the scene.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of the scene is clear and concise, with well-defined action lines and dialogue that effectively convey the characters' emotions and motivations. The scene follows the expected format for a screenplay in the crime thriller genre.

Structure: 9

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for a tense, dramatic confrontation in a crime thriller. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness in building suspense and escalating tension.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension through the physical and emotional state of Jonas, who is depicted as vulnerable and desperate. His grip on the gun as a 'teddy bear' metaphorically illustrates his fear and childlike need for security, which is a strong visual.
  • The dialogue between Jonas and Kit is sharp and reveals their dynamic well. Kit's calm demeanor contrasts with Jonas's frantic state, highlighting the power imbalance in their relationship. However, some lines could be tightened for greater impact; for instance, Kit's line about 'fast problems' could be more concise to enhance the urgency.
  • The introduction of the severed pinky finger is a shocking visual that raises the stakes significantly. However, the transition from the playful atmosphere of the previous scene to this grim moment feels abrupt. A more gradual build-up to this revelation could enhance the emotional weight.
  • Jonas's demand for proof of Liv's death and the subsequent escalation to violence feels somewhat rushed. While it is understandable given his emotional state, a moment of hesitation or reflection could add depth to his character and make the moment more impactful.
  • The ending, where Kit leaves Jonas bleeding on the floor, is powerful but could benefit from a stronger emotional resonance. A brief moment of reflection from Jonas before he succumbs could heighten the tragedy of the situation and provide a more poignant conclusion to the scene.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment of hesitation or internal conflict for Jonas before he pulls the gun. This could deepen his character and make the violent turn more impactful.
  • Explore the emotional stakes further by incorporating a flashback or a brief memory of Liv that plays in Jonas's mind as he confronts Kit. This could enhance the audience's connection to his desperation.
  • Tighten the dialogue to increase the tension. For example, Kit's lines could be more succinct to reflect his calm control in contrast to Jonas's chaos.
  • Gradually build the tension leading up to the reveal of the severed finger. Perhaps include more dialogue or actions that hint at the grim reality before Kit reveals the items.
  • Add a moment of reflection for Jonas after he is shot, allowing the audience to feel the weight of his choices and the consequences of his actions before the scene ends.



Scene 37 -  A Grim Discovery
INT. EL MILAGOR PERDIDO - KITCHEN - NIGHT

Fern wraps a plate of crab cakes in plastic. Flips off lights,
walks through

BAR

Lights are out. He walks out. Locks the door.

INT. JONAS & LIV’S TEMP RESIDENCE - HALLWAY - NIGHT

The front door is ajar. O.S KNOCK on door.

FERN (O.S.)
Jonas. Jonas. It's me. Fern.

The door pushes open. Fern walks in, tentatively.

FERN (CONT'D)
Jonas, I thought we could talk. Man
to man. And I brought you food.

Fern looks into the living room. Jonas lies in a pool of blood.

LIVING ROOM

FERN (CONT'D)
Jonas!

No response. Fern kneels, checks his pulse. He stands, looks
at the broken chair and lamp, smashed ornaments, broken glass.
He spots the open box "JONAS'S FILES - PRIVATE."

On top there's a folder: "LIFE INSURANCE POLICY." Fern picks
it up, reads: "Insured: Maria Olivia Fry Cordoba; Beneficiary:
Jonas Fry; Coverage amount USD $1,000,000."

Fern stares.Breathes out slow. Looks at Jonas’s body. Looks
at the broken room. Looks back at the policy.

FERN (CONT'D)
Goddamn, Liv.
(pulls out his phone)
Can't be a trial without a body.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary Fern arrives at Jonas and Liv's temporary residence to find the front door ajar. Upon entering, he discovers Jonas dead in a pool of blood, indicating a violent struggle. As he surveys the chaotic living room, he finds a life insurance policy naming Liv as the insured and Jonas as the beneficiary, raising concerns about Liv's safety. The scene is tense and foreboding, ending with Fern contemplating his next steps as he pulls out his phone.
Strengths
  • Intense emotional impact
  • Strong character dynamics
  • Effective tension-building
Weaknesses
  • Potential for confusion due to complex plot developments

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene is highly impactful, with a strong emotional and dramatic core that keeps the audience engaged and on edge.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of betrayal and revelation is central to the scene, driving the conflict and character dynamics.

Plot: 9

The plot takes a significant turn with the revelation of Liv's betrayal, setting up new conflicts and developments.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the classic murder mystery genre by incorporating elements of betrayal and deception within a domestic setting. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed and their reactions to the revelation feel authentic and compelling.

Character Changes: 9

The revelation leads to significant changes in the characters' relationships and motivations, setting up new arcs.

Internal Goal: 9

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to uncover the truth behind the apparent murder of Jonas and the involvement of Liv in the situation. This reflects his deeper need for justice and closure, as well as his fear of betrayal and manipulation.

External Goal: 8

The protagonist's external goal is to gather evidence and information to prove Liv's involvement in Jonas's death and potentially solve the mystery surrounding the situation.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9.5

The conflict in the scene is intense and multi-layered, driving the emotional and narrative tension.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, as the protagonist faces significant obstacles in his quest for the truth, including the shocking discovery of Jonas's death and the implications of Liv's betrayal.

High Stakes: 10

The stakes are high in the scene, with the revelation of betrayal leading to dangerous and unpredictable outcomes.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by introducing a major plot development that will have lasting consequences.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twist of Jonas's death and the revelation of the life insurance policy, which adds layers of complexity and intrigue to the narrative.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the clash between loyalty and betrayal, trust and deception. The protagonist's beliefs in justice and truth are challenged by the apparent betrayal of Liv and the implications of her actions.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9.5

The scene has a high emotional impact, eliciting strong reactions from both the characters and the audience.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is impactful and serves to heighten the tension and emotional stakes of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its suspenseful atmosphere, compelling dialogue, and intriguing plot developments that keep the audience invested in the protagonist's journey to uncover the truth.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is well-crafted, with a balance of tension-building moments and character interactions that maintain a sense of urgency and momentum throughout.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of the scene is well-executed, with clear scene headings, action lines, and dialogue that adhere to industry standards and enhance the readability of the screenplay.

Structure: 9

The scene follows the expected structure for a suspenseful mystery genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution that keeps the audience engaged and intrigued.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension and suspense as Fern discovers Jonas's body, but it could benefit from more sensory details to enhance the atmosphere. Describing the smell of blood, the eerie silence of the room, or the dim lighting could immerse the audience further into the moment.
  • Fern's emotional reaction to finding Jonas could be more pronounced. While he expresses shock, adding internal monologue or flashbacks could deepen the audience's connection to both characters and heighten the stakes of the situation.
  • The dialogue is minimal, which works well for the scene's tone, but consider adding a line or two that reflects Fern's internal conflict or his relationship with Jonas. This could provide context for the audience and make the moment more impactful.
  • The transition from the kitchen to Jonas's residence feels abrupt. A brief moment of reflection or hesitation from Fern before entering could build suspense and emphasize the gravity of the situation he is about to face.
  • The revelation of the life insurance policy is a strong plot point, but it could be foreshadowed earlier in the script. If there were previous mentions of financial struggles or discussions about the policy, it would make this moment feel more earned and impactful.
Suggestions
  • Incorporate more sensory details to create a vivid atmosphere, such as the sounds of the house, the smell of blood, or the oppressive silence.
  • Consider adding internal thoughts or flashbacks for Fern to deepen his emotional response to Jonas's death and their relationship.
  • Include a line of dialogue that reflects Fern's feelings about Jonas or their past interactions to enhance the emotional weight of the scene.
  • Add a moment of hesitation or reflection for Fern before he enters Jonas's residence to build suspense and emphasize the seriousness of the situation.
  • Foreshadow the life insurance policy earlier in the script to make its revelation feel more significant and connected to the overall narrative.



Scene 38 -  Desert Reckoning
EXT. SAN MIGUEL DE ALLENDE - COBBLESTONE STREET

Manual walks the street, eyes alert. His phone RINGS.

MANUEL (into phone)
Yo.
(beat, Spanish,
subtitled)
On my way.

EXT. REMOTE DESERT ROAD OUTSIDE SAN MIGUEL - NIGHT

The moon casts a pale glow over a dirt road. Nothing around
but ancient Nopales, a lone house far in the distance.

Jonas's SUV is parked, trunk facing a shallow grave freshly
dug in the sand. Fern leans a spade against the car, wipes
hands on his pants. Manuel lights a joint, puffs, offers it
to Fern. Fern takes a toke, passes it back.

MANUEL
You sure about this?

FERN
You have a better idea?

MANUEL
Nah. I think this is a good spot.
People out here keep to themselves.

Manuel ditches the joint, walks to the back of the SUV.

The trunk opens with a CREAK. Jonas lies inside, still, eyes
closed, soaked in blood. Fern hesitates, then reaches in,
grabs Jonas under the arms. Manuel takes the legs.

FERN
(Spanish, subtitled)
On three. One... two...

As they heave Jonas up, his eyes snap open. In a flash, he
pulls out his gun, aims it at Manuel. Manuel freezes, raises
his hands. Fern steps back.

MANUEL
Easy now. You're hurt bad.

FERN
Let's talk.

JONAS
Shut up! Both of you. Just... shut
the hell up!

He COCKS the hammer, finger trembling on the trigger. He pulls
it. CLICK. Nothing.

FERN
Jesus... Jonas!

Jonas aims the gun at Fern. He pulls the trigger again. CLICK.

MANUEL
Bullets help.

Jonas's eyes dart between them. Desperation. He pulls the
trigger a third time. CLICK.

Fern stares at Jonas — this broken, bloody, desperate shell
of a man. And makes his choice. Fern steps forward.

Jonas, gasping, bleeding, still tries to level the empty gun.

FERN
All she ever was to you... was a
payout. I love her.

Fern grabs the gun. Points it at Jonas.

JONAS
You're wrong. Listen, please. You're
wrong.

Fern pulls the trigger. A SHOT echoes across the desert. Jonas
collapses. Silence. Only the wind sighing across the desert.

Fern stares down at the body. The weight of it sinking into
him. Manuel takes the gun from his hand, tosses it into the
grave. He pulls out a pack of Galouises, lights one, hands
the pack and lighter to Fern.

Fern opens the pack. There's one cigarette left. He lights it
up, crushes the pack, tosses it into the trunk.

They smoke in silence, enjoy the cigarettes down to the butts.

FERN
Let's finish this.

They lift Jonas's body, drop it unceremoniously into the grave.
Fern shovels sand over him, each scoop erasing his existence.
Genres: ["Crime","Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In a tense night scene on a remote desert road outside San Miguel de Allende, Manuel and Fern prepare to dispose of Jonas's body. The situation escalates when a wounded Jonas unexpectedly awakens and confronts them with an empty gun, leading to a heated exchange about love and betrayal. In a moment of emotional turmoil, Fern shoots Jonas, resulting in a somber reflection as they bury him in a shallow grave. The scene concludes with Fern and Manuel silently smoking cigarettes, contemplating the weight of their actions.
Strengths
  • Intense emotional impact
  • Tense atmosphere
  • Compelling character dynamics
  • High stakes and conflict
  • Gripping narrative progression
Weaknesses
  • Graphic violence
  • Dark themes
  • Tragic outcome

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene is highly impactful, with a strong emotional resonance and a gripping sense of tension throughout. The high stakes, intense conflict, and desperate choices made by the characters contribute to a compelling and memorable sequence.


Story Content

Concept: 9.5

The concept of characters facing desperate choices in a remote desert setting is compelling and engaging. The scene explores themes of betrayal, survival, and moral ambiguity, drawing the audience into the characters' harrowing predicament.

Plot: 9

The plot of the scene is driven by the characters' decisions and the escalating conflict between them. The revelation of the life insurance policy adds a layer of complexity and raises the stakes, leading to a dramatic and impactful resolution.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh take on the classic crime drama genre, with unique character dynamics and a morally complex situation. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9.2

The characters in the scene are well-developed and their motivations are clear, driving the tension and emotional impact of the narrative. The interactions between Jonas, Fern, and Manuel reveal their complex relationships and inner turmoil.

Character Changes: 9

The characters undergo significant changes in the scene, particularly Jonas and Fern, as they are forced to make difficult decisions that alter their fates. Their actions and choices reveal new facets of their personalities and motivations.

Internal Goal: 9

Fern's internal goal is to confront Jonas about his betrayal and make a difficult decision about how to handle the situation. This reflects Fern's deeper need for justice and loyalty.

External Goal: 8

Fern's external goal is to dispose of Jonas's body and cover up the crime they committed. This reflects the immediate challenge of dealing with the aftermath of their actions.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9.8

The level of conflict in the scene is extremely high, with characters facing life-or-death decisions and moral dilemmas. The tension between the characters, the escalating stakes, and the emotional intensity drive the conflict to a gripping climax.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting motivations and high stakes driving the characters' actions. The audience is kept in suspense, unsure of how the confrontation will resolve.

High Stakes: 10

The stakes in the scene are incredibly high, with characters facing life-and-death situations, moral dilemmas, and irreversible consequences. The decisions made by the characters have profound implications for their lives and relationships.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward significantly, introducing new conflicts, raising the stakes, and setting the stage for future developments. The resolution of the scene has far-reaching consequences that propel the narrative towards its climax.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists and turns in the characters' actions and decisions. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how the situation will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the themes of loyalty, betrayal, and morality. Fern must grapple with his own values and beliefs while facing the consequences of his actions.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9.5

The scene has a profound emotional impact on the audience, eliciting feelings of tension, despair, and heartbreak. The characters' struggles and the tragic outcome evoke a strong emotional response, leaving a lasting impression.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue in the scene is tense, emotional, and impactful, effectively conveying the characters' desperation and conflicting emotions. The exchanges between the characters drive the narrative forward and reveal their inner struggles.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense conflict, emotional depth, and moral dilemmas. The high stakes and suspenseful atmosphere keep the audience invested in the characters' fates.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is expertly crafted, with a gradual build-up of tension leading to a climactic moment. The rhythm of the dialogue and action enhances the scene's effectiveness.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings, action lines, and dialogue formatting. The formatting enhances the visual impact of the scene.

Structure: 9

The scene follows a well-paced structure that builds tension and suspense effectively, leading to a dramatic climax. The formatting is clear and concise, enhancing the readability of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension through the unexpected twist of Jonas waking up and confronting Fern and Manuel. This moment heightens the stakes and adds an element of surprise, which is crucial in a thriller. However, the dialogue could be more impactful; it feels somewhat generic and lacks the emotional weight that such a dire situation demands. For instance, when Fern declares his love for Liv, it could be more poignant if he shared a specific memory or feeling that illustrates the depth of his emotions.
  • The pacing of the scene is generally good, but the transition from the calm before the storm to the violent confrontation could be smoother. The initial dialogue between Manuel and Fern feels a bit drawn out and could benefit from tightening to maintain the urgency of the moment. Consider using shorter, more fragmented dialogue to reflect the tension and anxiety of the characters as they prepare to dispose of Jonas's body.
  • The visual imagery is strong, particularly the contrast between the serene desert setting and the violent act about to unfold. However, the emotional resonance could be enhanced by incorporating more sensory details. For example, describing the sounds of the desert at night or the physical sensations Fern experiences as he prepares to shoot Jonas could deepen the reader's connection to the characters' emotional states.
  • The ending of the scene, where Fern and Manuel smoke in silence, is a powerful moment of reflection. However, it could be more impactful if it included a brief internal monologue from Fern, revealing his conflicting feelings about the act he just committed. This would add depth to his character and provide insight into the moral implications of their actions.
Suggestions
  • Revise the dialogue to include more specific and emotionally charged lines that reflect the characters' histories and relationships. This will help to create a stronger emotional connection with the audience.
  • Tighten the pacing of the initial dialogue between Manuel and Fern to maintain a sense of urgency. Consider using shorter sentences or fragmented dialogue to convey their anxiety.
  • Incorporate more sensory details to enhance the atmosphere of the scene. Describe the sounds, smells, and physical sensations to immerse the reader in the moment.
  • Add an internal monologue for Fern at the end of the scene to explore his emotional turmoil after committing the act. This will provide depth to his character and highlight the moral complexities of their situation.



Scene 39 -  Confrontation at Dawn
EXT. DESERT ROAD – DAWN

First light paints the sky orange and pink.

The SUV rolls away, leaving nothing but wind and dust.

The grave, unmarked, vanishes beneath the rising sun.

INT. MAGDA'S APARTMENT - EARLY MORNING

Cute. Cozy. Colorful. A religious altar glows in a corner.
Faint HUM of CITY LIFE creeps through the window.

Liv lies curled on the sofa, wrapped in a quilt. She shifts,
GROANS, slowly sits up, hand pressed to the small of her back.

Magda appears with two mugs of coffee. She sets one on the
low table in front of Liv, sits in a nearby chair.

MAGDA
(Spanish, subtitled)
It’s not a feather bed, but it holds
the weight of dreams.

LIV
Gracias. You don't have to wait on
me.

MAGDA
You're not the first woman I’ve housed
while her husband cooled off...
You’re welcome to stay. But how
long can you go on like this?

LIV
Jonas is all bluster. It blows over.

MAGDA
So do hurricanes. Doesn’t mean they
leave the house standing.

LIV
I just need to know what's in his
head... other than mezcal-infused
paranoia about San Miguel.

MAGDA
Tread lightly, mija. Male egos are
fragile things. And the most fragile
things are often the most dangerous.

LIV
I know. I just... left in a rush.
Didn’t even bring a charger.

MAGDA
Use mine.

She rises, retrieves her battered cell phone from the kitchen
counter, hands it over. Liv dials. Waits.

JONAS'S VOICEMAIL (O.S.)
Leave a message after the tone.

LIV (into phone)
Hi. Just checking on you. We should
talk. I’m coming by.

MAGDA
Best you catch him before he’s
drunk... again.

Liv nods, gathers her things, touches Magda’s hand as she
passes.

LIV
I'll grab my charger and change.
Talk to him face-to-face. See you
at the bar.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In the early morning light, Liv wakes up in Magda's cozy apartment, grappling with the emotional fallout of her troubled relationship with Jonas. Magda offers her support and coffee, discussing the fragility of male egos and the complexities of understanding Jonas's mindset. As Liv prepares to confront him, she borrows Magda's phone to leave a message, signaling her determination to address their issues. The scene captures a blend of warmth and tension, culminating in Liv's decision to change and meet Magda at the bar after reaching out to Jonas.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Intimate setting
Weaknesses
  • Lack of immediate action or external conflict

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys a sense of tension and emotional depth through the interactions between Liv and Magda, setting the stage for further developments in the story.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring the emotional aftermath of a turbulent relationship is well-executed, providing depth to the characters and their motivations.

Plot: 8

The plot progresses as Liv grapples with her relationship with Jonas and seeks guidance from Magda, hinting at future confrontations and resolutions.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a familiar theme of relationship conflicts but adds a unique twist with the desert setting, cultural elements, and philosophical conflicts. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Liv and Magda are well-developed, with distinct personalities and motivations that drive the scene forward.

Character Changes: 8

Liv experiences a shift in perspective and seeks to confront Jonas, setting up potential character growth and development.

Internal Goal: 8

Liv's internal goal in this scene is to understand what is going on in her husband's head and to address the issues in their relationship. This reflects her deeper need for clarity, connection, and resolution in her personal life.

External Goal: 7

Liv's external goal in this scene is to talk to her husband face-to-face and address the issues in their relationship. This reflects the immediate challenge she is facing in her marriage and the need to communicate effectively.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

While there is underlying tension and conflict in the scene, it is more focused on emotional turmoil and reflection.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting viewpoints between Liv and Magda, the uncertainty of Liv's conversation with her husband, and the potential consequences of their actions. The audience is kept on edge by the obstacles the characters face.

High Stakes: 7

While the emotional stakes are high for Liv and her relationship with Jonas, the immediate physical stakes are relatively low in this scene.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by deepening the emotional stakes and setting up future conflicts and resolutions.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the uncertain outcome of Liv's conversation with her husband, the tension between honesty and deception, and the potential consequences of their actions. The audience is left wondering how the conflict will be resolved.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between honesty and deception, communication and silence. Liv wants to talk to her husband and address the issues openly, while Magda warns her about treading lightly and the dangers of fragile male egos. This challenges Liv's beliefs about communication and confrontation.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, drawing the audience into the characters' struggles and concerns.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue effectively conveys the emotions and concerns of the characters, adding depth to their interactions and setting up future conflicts.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the tension between the characters, the emotional depth of the dialogue, and the unresolved conflicts that drive the narrative forward. The audience is drawn into the characters' struggles and motivations.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension, emotional depth, and character development. The rhythm of the dialogue and the transitions between locations create a sense of urgency and anticipation.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting. The visual descriptions and character actions are well integrated into the script.

Structure: 9

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear transitions between locations, well-paced dialogue, and a focus on character interactions. The scene flows smoothly and effectively builds tension and emotional depth.


Critique
  • The transition from the previous scene to this one is effective in establishing a stark contrast between the violent conclusion of Jonas's life and the serene, cozy atmosphere of Magda's apartment. This juxtaposition heightens the emotional stakes and sets a tone of tension and unease as Liv prepares to confront her husband.
  • The dialogue between Liv and Magda is well-crafted, showcasing their relationship and the underlying themes of fragility and danger associated with male egos. Magda's wisdom adds depth to the scene, but it could benefit from more specificity regarding Liv's situation to enhance the emotional weight.
  • Liv's characterization comes through in her interactions with Magda, but her motivations could be clearer. While she expresses a desire to understand Jonas, the audience may benefit from more insight into her emotional state and the stakes involved in her confrontation with him.
  • The visual elements of the scene are strong, particularly the description of Magda's apartment and the morning light. However, incorporating more sensory details could further immerse the audience in the setting, such as the smell of coffee or the sounds of the city waking up.
  • The scene ends on a note of uncertainty, which is effective, but it could be strengthened by foreshadowing the potential consequences of Liv's confrontation with Jonas. This would create a stronger sense of anticipation for the audience.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief flashback or memory that Liv has about Jonas to deepen the audience's understanding of their relationship and the stakes of her confrontation.
  • Enhance the sensory details in the scene by describing the aroma of the coffee, the warmth of the quilt, or the sounds from outside to create a more immersive experience.
  • Clarify Liv's emotional state by incorporating internal monologue or more expressive dialogue that reveals her fears or hopes regarding her confrontation with Jonas.
  • Introduce a subtle visual motif that symbolizes Liv's internal struggle, such as a recurring object in Magda's apartment that reflects her situation or emotional state.
  • Strengthen the ending by hinting at the potential fallout from Liv's decision to confront Jonas, perhaps through a line of dialogue or a visual cue that suggests danger or unresolved tension.



Scene 40 -  Unearthed Secrets
INT. JONAS & LIV’S TEMP RESIDENCE - MORNING

The door swings open. The house is quiet. Liv steps in, closes
the door. She makes her way down the hall to the

BEDROOM

LIV
Jonas?

The bed is made. Badly. The way Jonas does it when he’s
pretending to function.

Liv kneels by the bed. Plugs her phone into the charger. The
screen lights up — 1%.

She rises, opens the dresser, pulls out underwear and a top,
tosses them on the bed.

She walks into the bathroom, turns on the shower O.S.

She walks back in, through to the

HALLWAY

And into the

GARAGE

The SUV is covered in dust. She opens the driver's door. The
keys are gone. She moves to the back, opens the trunk.

There’s a dark stain on the mat. She runs her fingers over
it. Smells them. Not wine. Not oil.

She lifts the mat. In the tire well — a shovel caked in desert
dirt and a crushed empty pack of cigarettes - Manuel's brand.

She pockets the empty pack, closes the trunk.

LIVING ROOM

No smashed furniture. No broken glass. No blood. A cardboard
box catches her eye. "JONAS'S FILES - PRIVATE." She stares at
it. Inside: papers, scribbled notes, files. She flips through:
house rental, car, gallery, and lastly, "Olivia." She opens
it, sees "LIFE INSURANCE POLICY."

LIV (CONT'D)
(reading)
Jesus, Jonas... are you planning to
off me?

She tucks it back in, shoves the box back in place.

LIV (CONT'D)
Shit. The water!

She runs out.

BATHROOM – MOMENTS LATER

Liv stands in front of the mirror, fresh top, clean face. She
stares at herself.

LIV
One million dollars?

Her phone BUZZES O.S. She rushes to the

BEDROOM

It's just the charging notification: 12%. She picks up her
phone, hesitates. Brings up Jonas's contact, almost dials —
but doesn’t. She puts the phone and charger in her purse.

HALLWAY - MOMENTS LATER

Liv pauses at the open door. Looks back. Something's off, but
she can't pinpoint what. She steps out. Door CLICKS shut.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In the quiet morning at their temporary residence, Liv discovers unsettling clues about Jonas's intentions. A poorly made bed and a dark stain in the garage raise her suspicions, while a box of private documents reveals a life insurance policy for her, prompting her to question Jonas's motives. As she grapples with her fears, Liv refrains from calling him, sensing something is deeply wrong. The scene culminates with her leaving the house, feeling an ominous tension as the door clicks shut behind her.
Strengths
  • Building tension and suspense
  • Revealing crucial information about the characters
  • Creating a sense of mystery and intrigue
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue could be more impactful and concise

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively builds tension and intrigue through the discovery of the mysterious items in Jonas's residence, keeping the audience engaged and curious about the unfolding events.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of Liv uncovering potentially incriminating evidence in Jonas's residence adds depth to the storyline and raises questions about the characters' motivations and relationships.

Plot: 8.5

The plot advances significantly as Liv discovers new information about Jonas, setting the stage for future developments and adding layers of complexity to the narrative.

Originality: 8

The scene is original in its approach to the domestic thriller genre, with fresh twists on familiar tropes and authentic character interactions. The authenticity of Liv's actions and dialogue adds depth to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters' actions and reactions in the scene contribute to the overall tension and mystery, showcasing their individual motivations and relationships in a compelling way.

Character Changes: 8

Liv undergoes a significant shift as she uncovers the truth about Jonas, leading to a deeper understanding of her own situation and motivations.

Internal Goal: 8

Liv's internal goal in this scene is to uncover the truth about Jonas's intentions and her own safety in their relationship. This reflects her deeper need for security and trust, as well as her fear of betrayal.

External Goal: 7

Liv's external goal in this scene is to find out what happened to the missing keys and the dark stain in the trunk of the SUV. This reflects the immediate challenge she is facing in unraveling the mystery surrounding Jonas's actions.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8.5

The scene is filled with internal and external conflicts, particularly as Liv grapples with the implications of her discovery and the potential danger it poses to her.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with obstacles and challenges that keep the audience guessing and create a sense of suspense and uncertainty. Liv's internal and external conflicts add depth to the narrative.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high as Liv uncovers potentially dangerous secrets in Jonas's residence, putting her in a precarious position and raising the tension in the storyline.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward by revealing crucial information about Jonas and setting the stage for future conflicts and developments, driving the narrative towards its climax.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists and turns in Liv's discovery of Jonas's secrets and the mounting tension between the characters. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of what will happen next.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the clash between trust and suspicion, love and betrayal. Liv's discovery of the life insurance policy raises questions about the true nature of her relationship with Jonas and challenges her beliefs about him.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from anxiety to curiosity, as Liv navigates the unsettling discovery in Jonas's residence, creating a strong emotional impact on the audience.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the characters' emotions and intentions, adding depth to their interactions and enhancing the overall suspense.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intriguing premise, well-developed characters, and gradual escalation of suspense. The audience is drawn into Liv's investigation and the unfolding mystery surrounding Jonas.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a gradual buildup of tension and suspense that keeps the audience engaged. The rhythm of the scene effectively conveys Liv's growing unease and sense of urgency.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of this scene is clear and concise, with effective use of scene headings, action lines, and dialogue to guide the reader through the unfolding events.

Structure: 9

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for a suspenseful domestic thriller, with a gradual buildup of tension and a series of reveals that propel the narrative forward.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension and suspense by revealing Liv's growing unease about Jonas's intentions. The use of visual cues, such as the poorly made bed and the dark stain in the trunk, creates a foreboding atmosphere that hints at past violence without explicitly showing it.
  • Liv's internal conflict is well portrayed through her actions and dialogue. Her hesitation to call Jonas and her reaction to the life insurance policy indicate her growing distrust and fear, which adds depth to her character.
  • The pacing of the scene is generally good, with a steady build-up of tension as Liv moves through the house. However, the transition from the garage back to the living room could be smoother to maintain the flow of suspense.
  • The dialogue is minimal, which works well in this context, allowing the visuals and Liv's actions to convey her emotional state. However, adding a brief internal monologue or a line of dialogue reflecting her thoughts on the life insurance policy could enhance the emotional weight of the moment.
  • The scene ends on a strong note with Liv's decision to leave the house, but it could benefit from a more explicit indication of her emotional state as she steps out. A line reflecting her determination or fear could provide a more powerful conclusion.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief internal monologue for Liv when she discovers the life insurance policy to deepen her emotional response and clarify her thoughts.
  • Enhance the transition between the garage and the living room by incorporating a moment of hesitation or a sensory detail that emphasizes Liv's growing anxiety.
  • Include a line of dialogue or a thought that explicitly states Liv's determination to confront Jonas, reinforcing her agency and emotional state as she leaves the house.
  • Explore the possibility of using sound design to heighten the tension, such as the sound of the shower running or ambient noises that contrast with Liv's internal turmoil.
  • Ensure that the visual elements, such as the dark stain and the shovel, are described in a way that evokes a strong emotional reaction from the audience, emphasizing the stakes of Liv's situation.



Scene 41 -  Ghosts of the Past
INT. EL MILAGRO PERDIDO - KITCHEN - MORNING

Liv stands at the counter, chops cilantro one-handed. Her
bandaged finger makes the task clumsy. Fern stands opposite
wrapping cutlery in napkins. They work in comfortable silence.

FERN
You know, you could supervise. Let
me do the slicing.

LIV
It’s the only thing keeping me from
crawling out of my skin.

FERN
That, or my irresistible charm.

She LAUGHS, tosses chopped cilantro at him, like green
confetti. Her phone BUZZES. It’s charging on the counter.
Screen lights up: UNKNOWN NUMBER. She hesitates, picks it up.

LIV (into phone)
Hello?
(beat, sharper)
Jonas? Hurry up. We're working
here.
(MORE)

LIV (into phone) (CONT'D)
(listening to static)
Jesus, are you that drunk? Just
tell me where you are and I'll come
get you.
(listening)
Damnit Jonas, all I hear is wind and
a creaky gate.

She SIGHS, hangs up. The silence in the room shifts. Thickens.

FERN
You okay?

She forces a LAUGH. Picks up the knife again.

LIV
He's mad I walked out. Green eyed
monster's got him shitfaced, probably
in some roadside whorehouse.

FERN
You want me to talk to him?

LIV
He doesn’t talk. He accuses, drinks,
breaks things. This? This is vintage
Jonas.

She slides the chopped cilantro into a bowl. Wipes her hands
on a towel.

FERN
Still. That call—

LIV
Don't read into it. Could have been
a butt call. Anyway, short of hitting
every bar in the state, there's no
way of knowing where he is.

He nods like he’s letting it go, but the air is tense.

KITCHEN - LATER

Liv stirs a pot of shrimp simmering in mojo. Magda slices
mangoes and avocados. Fern walks in from the bar.

FERN
Gonna make a quick mezcal run.

LIV
My God, we're out already?

MAGDA
(Spanish, subtitled)
If you’re not back in thirty, I’m
sending Kit to look for you.

FERN
Can't promise I'll be that fast.

LIV
You okay?

FERN
A lot riding on tonight. You only
get one first impression.

He leans in, kisses her cheek, more goodbye than see-you-soon.
Liv watches him go, checks her watch.

MAGDA
Kit may be a devil, but sometimes
you need the devil who knows your
name.

EXT. DESERT ROAD OUTSIDE SAN MIGUEL - AFTERNOON

Fern’s truck kicks up dust as it bumps along the dirt road.
He reaches the massive Nopal, cuts the engine, steps out.
DOGS BARK. The WIND WHIPS. Somewhere METAL CREAKS.

He kneels by the grave, runs his hand over the dry dirt. Still
covered. But the perimeter’s different - cigarette butts, a
crushed water bottle, an empty hip-sized bottle of tequila.

He stiffens. Stands up. Looks around. No one in sight.

FERN
Goddam ghosts.

A piece of rusted metal SWINGS against a fence post in the
breeze. That’s all. That and WIND WHIPPING UP THE DIRT.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In the kitchen of El Milagro Perdido, Liv struggles with her emotions and a bandaged finger while preparing for an important evening. A drunken call from Jonas heightens her anxiety, creating tension with Fern, who is also feeling the pressure of the night ahead. As they discuss the situation with Magda's support, Fern takes a moment to drive to a grave in the desert, where he discovers signs of recent disturbance, hinting at unresolved issues and haunting memories.
Strengths
  • Effective tension-building
  • Strong emotional impact
  • Well-developed characters
  • Smooth transitions between settings
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development in this specific scene
  • Some dialogue could be more impactful

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively builds tension and sets up a sense of foreboding through the interactions between the characters and the atmospheric descriptions. The dialogue and character dynamics are engaging, and the scene transitions smoothly between different settings, maintaining a consistent tone.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of contrasting the tense interactions in the kitchen with Fern's reflective moment in the desert is innovative and adds depth to the scene. The scene effectively explores themes of tension, uncertainty, and emotional turmoil.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene revolves around Liv's concern for Jonas and the underlying tension between the characters. The scene moves the story forward by highlighting the emotional stakes and setting up future conflicts.

Originality: 9

The scene demonstrates a high level of originality through its fresh approach to themes of love, trust, and personal boundaries. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and nuanced, adding depth to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters of Liv and Fern are well-developed and their interactions reveal layers of emotion and complexity. Liv's concern for Jonas and Fern's reflective nature add depth to their personalities.

Character Changes: 8

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the interactions between Liv and Fern reveal insights into their personalities and emotional states. Liv's concern for Jonas and Fern's reflective nature hint at potential character development in future scenes.

Internal Goal: 8

Liv's internal goal in this scene is to maintain a sense of control and composure despite the chaos and uncertainty surrounding her relationship with Jonas. This reflects her deeper need for stability and emotional security.

External Goal: 7.5

Liv's external goal is to deal with the unexpected call from Jonas and navigate the challenges it presents, such as his drunken state and unclear location. This reflects the immediate circumstances and obstacles she faces in her personal life.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, revolving around Liv's concern for Jonas and the underlying tension between the characters. The emotional stakes are high, adding depth to the interactions.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Liv facing internal and external challenges that test her trust, loyalty, and emotional resilience. The uncertainty surrounding Jonas and the unresolved tension with Fern create obstacles that drive the conflict forward.

High Stakes: 8

The emotional stakes are high in the scene, particularly in Liv's concern for Jonas and the underlying tension between the characters. The scene sets up future conflicts and hints at potential dangers for the characters.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by setting up future conflicts and highlighting the emotional stakes for the characters. Liv's concern for Jonas and Fern's reflective moment add depth to the narrative, hinting at potential developments in the plot.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected phone call from Jonas and the unresolved tension between Liv and Fern. The audience is left wondering how these conflicts will unfold and impact the characters' relationships.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the themes of trust, loyalty, and self-preservation. Liv's struggle to trust Jonas and maintain her own well-being while dealing with his destructive behavior challenges her beliefs about love and commitment.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene has a strong emotional impact, particularly in conveying Liv's concern and Fern's reflective nature. The tension and unease are palpable, drawing the audience into the characters' emotional turmoil.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the tension and emotional depth of the characters, particularly in Liv and Fern's interactions. The dialogue is natural and reveals insights into the characters' motivations and emotions.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its rich character development, emotional depth, and subtle tension. The interactions between the characters and the unfolding drama keep the audience invested in the story.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and emotional depth gradually. The rhythm of the dialogue and character interactions keeps the audience engaged and invested in the unfolding drama.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings, character actions, and dialogue. The formatting enhances the readability and flow of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness, building tension and emotional depth.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension through Liv's interactions with her environment and the phone call from Jonas. However, the emotional stakes could be heightened by incorporating more internal conflict for Liv, reflecting her anxiety about Jonas's state and their relationship.
  • The dialogue between Liv and Fern is light-hearted, which contrasts with the underlying tension of the situation. While this can work to create a sense of normalcy, it may also dilute the urgency of Liv's concern for Jonas. Consider adjusting the tone to reflect more of Liv's anxiety and frustration.
  • The transition from the kitchen to the desert road is abrupt. While it serves to juxtapose the domestic scene with the grim reality of Jonas's fate, it might benefit from a more gradual build-up or a stronger thematic connection between the two settings.
  • The use of the phone call as a plot device is effective, but the static and unclear communication could be enhanced to create a more visceral sense of Liv's frustration and fear. Perhaps include more sensory details to convey her emotional state during the call.
  • The scene ends with a shift to Fern's perspective, which is intriguing but may leave the audience feeling disconnected from Liv's emotional journey. Consider maintaining focus on Liv's internal struggle as she processes the implications of Jonas's actions.
Suggestions
  • Add more internal monologue or visual cues to illustrate Liv's emotional turmoil as she prepares food, emphasizing her anxiety about Jonas and their relationship.
  • Consider revising Fern's dialogue to reflect a deeper understanding of Liv's situation, perhaps by expressing concern or offering more support, which could enhance their dynamic.
  • Introduce a more gradual transition to the desert road scene, perhaps by including Liv's thoughts or feelings about the impending confrontation with Jonas before shifting to Fern's perspective.
  • Enhance the phone call's tension by incorporating more sensory details, such as Liv's physical reactions to the static and her frustration, to create a more immersive experience for the audience.
  • Maintain a consistent focus on Liv's perspective throughout the scene, ensuring that her emotional journey remains central to the narrative, especially as the scene transitions to Fern's actions.



Scene 42 -  Tensions at El Milagro Perdido
INT. EL MILAGRO PERDIDO – NIGHT

The grand opening. The bar glows. FLAMENCO GUITAR hums. Tapas
plates clink. The CROWD’s mostly Mexican, a handful of gringos.

Manuel mans the bar. Liv works the room. Fern backs her up,
but his eyes keep drifting toward the door.

The door opens. Jesus walks in, flanked by Carlos and Luis.
Jesus nods to customers as he passes.

JESÚS
Provecho. Provecho.

Customers smile and nod back. The Men sit at their usual
"RESERVED" table. Fern hurries to serve them.

Luis sits, grips a heavy bag on his lap, his other hand poised
to reach for his gun. Fern reaches for the bag. Luis holds
tight, forces Fern to look at him.

Fern is aware that Liv is watching, as is Kit.

FERN
(Spanish, subtitled)
This isn't the night, amigo.

Luis holds his stare, relinquished the bag. Fern disappears
into the kitchen.

KITCHEN

Fern shoves the sideboard against the wall. Liv walks in.

LIV
What was that?

FERN
Nothing to concern yourself about.

Fern goes back into the

BAR

Hands Luis his bag, empty.

FERN (CONT'D)
(Spanish, subtitled)
I highly recommend the shrimp tonight.

JESUS
I hear the food is good. We'll try
it all. And a Mezcalito for me.

Kit, with his inscrutable gaze, raises a glass to Jesús. He
nods back, his smile cold. Carlos and Luis sit stoic, backs
against the wall.

LATER

The place is packed. Laughter, music, drinks flowing.

AT THE END OF THE BAR, Fern finishes a mezcal pour, his eyes
on Jesús who eats with elegance. Carlos and Luis sip beers,
eyes scanning the Crowd.

AT THE KITCHEN ARCHWAY, Liv loads plates onto a tray, passes
it to Magda, who maneuvers through the Crowd.

BEHIND THE BAR, Manuel SHAKES cocktails like a pro. He leans
in close to Fern as he passes him the drinks.

MANUEL
(Spanish, subtitled)
That went smoothly. Maybe having a
crowded bar isn't such a bad idea.

FERN
Hiding in plain sight?

MANUEL
They trust us now. Next time will
be a bigger ask.

FERN
First we move this. Without Liv
catching on.

MANUEL
Let her catch what she wants. Long
as the money flows.

Liv sets plates of empanadas on the counter, sits at the bar.

LIV
(to Fern and Manuel)
Sorry, guys, I was planning to feed
you a late supper, but it's empanadas
only.

Kit stands, stretches. Walks toward the bar. Sits beside Liv.

KIT
Well-oiled machine. Pretty bar.
Good crowd. But you know this town,
Liv. It smiles while it sizes you
up, daggers at the ready.

LIV
What are you saying?

KIT
Nothing. Just a reality check.
Didn't my husband hire me to be our
security?

LIV
He paid me to keep an eye on things.

KIT
Still am. Where is he by the way?

LIV
Good question. Drowning his sorrows
would be my guess.

KIT
What does he have to be sorry about?

LIV
You tell me.

A SHOUT from the corner. Everyone turns. Luis on his feet,
teeth bared, confrontS a drunk GRINGO TOURIST, 50s, red-faced.

GRINGO TOURIST
I just said he cut the line!

LUIS
(Spanish, subtitled)
You don’t talk to me like that,
cabrón!

Fern steps in fast.

FERN
Gentlemen. Let me buy you both a
drink. House comp.

Jesus raises a hand. Luis backs off, reluctantly. The tourist
slinks to a stool. Everyone resumes — but the mood has shifted.

KIT
A gringo in San Miguel?
(turning to Liv)
With you on his arm, he came here
thinking the sun shone out his ass.
Didn't see this town for what it is -
fool's gold with a dark underbelly.
You were born here, Olivia. Don't
let anyone mistake you for a fool.

KITCHEN – MOMENTS LATER

Liv bursts in. Fern is washing dishes, trying to act normal.

LIV
You need to tell me what’s going on.
Right now.

FERN
It’s nothing. It’s under control.

LIV
That wasn’t nothing. That was
violence looking for an excuse.

FERN
I’m handling it.

LIV
Handling what, Fern? Drugs? The
bag Luis handed you in front of a
room full of customers? Or the blood
in Jonas's trunk?
(off his look)
I saw it. The shovel. The desert
dust. Manuel's fancy French smokes.

FERN
Shit- Liv, I was just trying to help.
Take care of your mess.

LIV
My mess?

FERN
Your little house party. The smashed
furniture. Bullets in the wall.
Bloody husband on the floor.

LIV
Holy shit, Fern.

FERN
You should be thanking me. You can
go home to your own bed now. You
have your dream. All this is yours.
Like it or not.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary During the grand opening of El Milagro Perdido, a bar filled with locals and tourists, tension escalates when Luis, holding a heavy bag suggesting danger, confronts a drunk tourist. Fern attempts to maintain control and protect Liv, who is increasingly concerned about the violent undertones and confronts Fern about his involvement in illicit activities. As the night unfolds with laughter and music, the atmosphere shifts dramatically, culminating in a heated exchange between Liv and Fern that reveals deeper issues in their relationship.
Strengths
  • Intense dialogue
  • Tense atmosphere
  • Complex characters
  • High stakes
  • Suspenseful plot
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue may be overly cryptic or vague
  • Certain character motivations could be clearer

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively builds tension and suspense through its dialogue, character interactions, and the unfolding of a dangerous situation. The stakes are high, emotions run deep, and the plot thickens, making it engaging and impactful.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of undercover tensions and hidden motives is effectively portrayed in the scene. The idea of characters concealing dangerous secrets and navigating a treacherous situation adds depth and intrigue to the story.

Plot: 8.5

The plot of the scene is gripping and full of twists and turns. It reveals new information about the characters and their motivations, setting up future conflicts and raising the stakes for the story.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the crime genre by incorporating Mexican cultural elements, complex character relationships, and moral dilemmas. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds depth and originality to the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters in the scene are well-developed and complex, each with their own motivations and secrets. Their interactions reveal layers of tension and conflict, adding depth to the narrative.

Character Changes: 8

The characters undergo significant changes in the scene, particularly in their relationships and perceptions of each other. Their actions and decisions reflect their evolving dynamics and motivations.

Internal Goal: 8

Fern's internal goal is to protect Liv and maintain control over the escalating situation involving drugs, violence, and potential danger. This reflects his deeper need for security, loyalty, and a sense of responsibility towards Liv.

External Goal: 7

Fern's external goal is to manage the bar smoothly and maintain a facade of normalcy while dealing with the presence of dangerous individuals and potential threats. This reflects the immediate challenge of balancing criminal activities with running a legitimate business.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The level of conflict in the scene is high, with tensions running high between the characters and the threat of violence looming. The conflicts are both internal and external, adding layers of complexity to the narrative.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting interests, hidden agendas, and potential threats creating obstacles for the protagonist. The audience is kept guessing about the characters' true intentions and loyalties.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes in the scene are high, with the characters facing dangerous situations, hidden threats, and life-changing decisions. The risks are significant, and the consequences of their actions are dire.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward significantly, introducing new conflicts, revelations, and developments that propel the narrative towards its climax. It sets up future events and deepens the intrigue of the plot.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists, character revelations, and shifting power dynamics. The audience is kept on edge by the uncertain outcomes and hidden motives of the characters.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the juxtaposition of appearances versus reality, trust versus deception, and loyalty versus self-preservation. Fern's actions and decisions challenge his beliefs about loyalty and the consequences of his involvement in criminal activities.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene has a strong emotional impact, eliciting feelings of tension, suspense, and concern from the audience. The characters' struggles and the high stakes create a sense of unease and anticipation.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene is sharp, tense, and impactful. It conveys the characters' emotions, motivations, and conflicts effectively, driving the narrative forward and keeping the audience engaged.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its blend of suspense, cultural authenticity, and character dynamics. The escalating tension, moral dilemmas, and interpersonal conflicts keep the audience invested in the unfolding drama.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension, revealing information gradually, and maintaining the audience's interest. The rhythm of the dialogue and action sequences adds to the suspense and drama of the scene.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene descriptions, character actions, and dialogue cues. The formatting enhances the readability and flow of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a suspenseful crime drama, with a gradual build-up of tension, character interactions, and thematic development. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the effectiveness of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension by juxtaposing the celebratory atmosphere of the grand opening with the underlying threat posed by Luis and the heavy bag. This contrast heightens the stakes and keeps the audience engaged.
  • The dialogue between Liv, Fern, and Kit is sharp and reveals character motivations and relationships. However, some lines could be tightened for clarity and impact. For instance, Kit's warning about the town could be more succinct to maintain the scene's pacing.
  • The use of Spanish dialogue with subtitles adds authenticity to the setting and characters, but it may slow down the reading pace for those unfamiliar with the language. Consider balancing the use of Spanish with more context or reactions from non-Spanish-speaking characters to enhance understanding.
  • The scene transitions between the bar and kitchen effectively, but the pacing could be improved. The shift from the bar's lively atmosphere to the kitchen's tension feels abrupt. A smoother transition could enhance the flow and maintain the audience's emotional investment.
  • The climax of the scene, where Liv confronts Fern about the violent undertones, is powerful but could benefit from more emotional depth. Exploring Liv's internal conflict and fear regarding Jonas's situation could add layers to her character and make her confrontation with Fern more impactful.
Suggestions
  • Consider tightening Kit's dialogue to make his warnings more impactful and concise, enhancing the urgency of the situation.
  • Add a brief moment of reflection from Liv after the confrontation with Fern to showcase her emotional turmoil and the weight of the revelations about Jonas.
  • Incorporate more sensory details to enhance the atmosphere of the bar, such as the sounds of laughter, clinking glasses, and the smell of food, to immerse the audience further in the setting.
  • Explore the dynamics between the characters more deeply, perhaps by including a moment where Liv observes the interactions between Jesús, Carlos, and Luis, which could foreshadow the impending conflict.
  • Consider ending the scene with a stronger visual or emotional hook, such as a lingering shot of Liv's worried expression or a close-up of the heavy bag, to leave the audience with a sense of foreboding.



Scene 43 -  Unraveling Shadows
INT. KIT’S APARTMENT - NIGHT

Dim. Cluttered. A battered fan WHIRS. José scans a wall of
photos marked with sticky notes: Liv, Fern, Magda, Manuel,
Jesús. His eyes move slowly, deliberately.

Kits sets down a mug of coffee. Sits, opposite.

KIT
The grand opening played like theater.
Jesús made his drop. Fern took it.
No hesitation.

José points to Jonas on the wall — the only photo with a black
X over the face.

JOSÉ
Maid says their place was wrecked —
bottles, blood, smashed everything.
She was so freaked, she ran. Told
her cousin, who told me.

KIT
Hospitals?

JOSÉ
Nada. No John Doe's. No Jonas Fry's.

KIT
Magda?

JOSÉ
She's sticking close to Liv, but you
know all too well - Magda only tells
you what she wants you to hear.

KIT
Jonas vanishes two nights before the
big night. Liv smiles through it.
Fern doesn’t blink. Like they
rehearsed it.

JOSÉ
Or like they're waiting to see who
asks first. If anyone asks.

Kit picks an envelope from a drawer. Hands it to José.

KIT
For the widow and orphan's fund.
Wherever Jonas is he can rest easy
knowing his money is being well spent.

José nods. Tucks the envelope into his jacket. His eyes drift
to the wall’s edge — a photo marked, "CLAY."

JOSÉ
Who’s this?

KIT
Jonas’s brother. Found him while
poking through his email. Rehab
step nine - make amends. Poor bastard
thinks he's coming to collect his
due.

JOSÉ
Liv know?

KIT
Doesn't know he even exists.

JOSÉ
So what now?

KIT
Did you ever hear the one about a
stranger walks into a bar looking
for his long-lost brother?
(chuckles)
Funny how it always ends in silence.
Genres: ["Drama","Mystery","Thriller"]

Summary In the dimly lit clutter of Kit's apartment, José investigates the mysterious disappearance of Jonas, whose photo is marked with an X on the wall. They discuss the recent grand opening event where Jesús made a drop, and Fern's suspicious actions. A maid reveals that Jonas's place was wrecked, yet there are no hospital records for him. Kit hands José an envelope for the widow and orphan's fund while mentioning Jonas's brother, Clay, who remains unaware of his existence. The scene concludes with Kit's dark joke about a stranger searching for his long-lost brother, underscoring the tension and grim humor surrounding their conversation.
Strengths
  • Tension-building dialogue
  • Mysterious atmosphere
  • Revealing character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Limited physical action
  • Reliance on exposition

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.7

The scene effectively builds tension and mystery through dialogue and character interactions, keeping the audience engaged and curious about the unfolding events.


Story Content

Concept: 8.6

The concept of exploring the aftermath of Jonas's disappearance and introducing a hidden brother adds depth to the storyline, creating a compelling mystery for the audience to unravel.

Plot: 8.7

The plot advances significantly in this scene, revealing new information about the characters and setting up future conflicts and developments.

Originality: 9

The scene demonstrates a high level of originality through its fresh approach to the mystery genre. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and nuanced, adding depth to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters of José and Kit are well-developed in this scene, with their interactions revealing their motivations and relationships with the other characters.

Character Changes: 8

The introduction of Jonas's brother and the revelations about the characters' relationships hint at potential character growth and transformation in future scenes.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to uncover the truth behind the disappearance of Jonas and navigate the complex relationships and secrets surrounding him. This reflects Kit's deeper desire for justice and closure, as well as his fear of the unknown and the consequences of his actions.

External Goal: 7.5

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to gather information about Jonas's disappearance and decide on a course of action. This reflects the immediate challenge of solving a mystery and dealing with the repercussions of Jonas's absence.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8.6

The conflict between José and Kit, as well as the underlying tensions related to Jonas's disappearance and the introduction of his brother, heighten the suspense and intrigue in the scene.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting goals and motives between the characters. The audience is left unsure of how the characters will navigate the complex web of relationships and secrets.

High Stakes: 8

The high stakes of Jonas's disappearance, the revelation of his hidden brother, and the tensions between the characters raise the stakes and add urgency to the unfolding events.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by introducing new plot elements, deepening character relationships, and setting up future conflicts and resolutions.

Unpredictability: 8.5

This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting dynamics between the characters, the revelation of new information, and the sense of mystery and intrigue. The audience is kept on their toes, unsure of what will happen next.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the tension between truth and deception, loyalty and betrayal. Kit and José navigate a world of secrets and lies, challenging their beliefs and values.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.3

The scene evokes a sense of anxiety and concern for the characters involved, drawing the audience into the mystery and emotional stakes of the narrative.

Dialogue: 8.7

The dialogue is sharp and engaging, driving the scene forward and adding depth to the characters' personalities and conflicts.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its complex characters, sharp dialogue, and sense of mystery. The audience is drawn into the world of secrets and lies, eager to uncover the truth alongside the protagonist.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and suspense, allowing the audience to absorb the information and emotions of the characters. The rhythm of the dialogue and action keeps the scene moving forward.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings, dialogue, and action lines. The formatting enhances the readability and flow of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness, building tension and suspense.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension and intrigue by revealing the aftermath of Jonas's disappearance and the implications of his actions. The dialogue between Kit and José is sharp and conveys a sense of urgency, but it could benefit from more emotional depth to enhance the stakes of the situation.
  • The use of visual elements, such as the cluttered apartment and the wall of photos, creates a strong atmosphere that reflects the chaotic nature of the events unfolding. However, the scene could be improved by incorporating more sensory details to immerse the audience further into Kit's environment and emotional state.
  • The character dynamics are interesting, particularly the relationship between Kit and José. However, José's character feels somewhat underdeveloped in this scene. Providing him with a more distinct voice or perspective could enhance his role and make the dialogue feel more balanced.
  • The humor in Kit's final line about the stranger looking for his brother adds a layer of dark comedy, but it may come off as jarring given the serious context of the scene. A smoother transition into this humor or a more subtle delivery could help maintain the scene's tone.
  • The scene ends on a somewhat ambiguous note, which can be effective, but it may leave the audience wanting more clarity about the implications of Clay's arrival. A stronger closing line or action could provide a more definitive sense of direction for the story.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more emotional weight to the dialogue, particularly in Kit's responses to José. This could involve reflecting on his own feelings about Jonas's disappearance or the implications of the widow and orphan's fund.
  • Incorporate more sensory details to enhance the setting. Describe the sounds, smells, or even the temperature of the room to create a more immersive experience for the audience.
  • Develop José's character further by giving him a unique perspective or backstory that informs his reactions and dialogue. This could help balance the conversation and make it feel more dynamic.
  • Revisit the humor in Kit's final line to ensure it aligns with the overall tone of the scene. Consider a more subtle approach or a different punchline that maintains the dark humor without undermining the tension.
  • Strengthen the scene's conclusion by adding a more definitive action or line that hints at the consequences of Clay's arrival, setting up anticipation for the next scene.



Scene 44 -  Cleansing Shadows
INT. JONAS & LIV’S TEMPORARY RESIDENCE – HALLWAY - NIGHT

Liv rips open a box. Magda hovers, watching. Inside - paint
tubes and used brushes.

LIV
Put this in the bedroom closet.

Magda takes the box and leaves. Liv opens another. Inside -
books. She dumps them out, carries the empty box into the

BEDROOM

Tosses it on the bed. She hauls Jonas's shirts from the
wardrobe, pulls them off the hangers. Magda folds them neatly.

LIV (CONT'D)
(Spanish, subtitled)
They're going to cowboys in the campo.
They don't care about neat.

DOORBELL BUZZES O.S.

MAGDA
That’ll be her.

LIVING ROOM – MOMENTS LATER

DOÑA REYES, 60s, thin as a broomstick, in black lace, stands
at the door holding a velvet satchel.

MAGDA
(Spanish, subtitled)
Thank you for coming so late.

DOÑA REYES
The veil’s thinner at night. Easier
to sweep.

She steps in, immediately clocking the vibe.

DOÑA REYES (CONT'D)
Is it blood or shadow you want gone?

LIV
Both.

BEDROOM – LATER

Smoke curls from a copal burner. Salt traces the doorway.
Doña Reyes shakes a RATTLE, MURMURS under her breath. Magda
CHIMES brass bells in each corner of the room.

Liv follows, barefoot, holding an unlit candle. Slow. Serious.

DOÑA REYES
Speak his name and let it burn.

LIV
(lighting the candle)
Jonas Fry.

The candle FLARES brightly, settles to a flicker.

GARAGE – LATER

Liv scrubs the mat in the SUV trunk with soapy water. She
lifts if for inspection, reveals the shovel, caked in dirt.
She stares at it. Then yanks it out, opens the garage door.

OUTSIDE

She crosses the road, props the shovel in the neighbor's trash.
She returns to the SUV.

GARAGE

Closes the door. Lays the mat back down, wet and still stained.
Magda appears behind her.

MAGDA
(Spanish, subtitled)
Some stains don’t come out.

LIV
Then we cover them.

Magda touches her shoulder, firm and kind. They head inside.
The door closes behind them.
Genres: ["Drama","Mystery","Thriller"]

Summary In a somber night scene, Liv unpacks her belongings with the help of Magda, revealing her emotional turmoil. Doña Reyes arrives to perform a cleansing ritual, offering Liv the choice to remove both blood and shadow from her life. As Liv invokes Jonas's name during the ritual, she grapples with her past. Later, while cleaning the SUV trunk, she finds a dirty shovel and discards it in the neighbor's trash, symbolizing her desire to rid herself of burdens. The scene concludes with Liv and Magda sharing a moment of understanding about the stains of the past, as they head inside together, closing the door behind them.
Strengths
  • Effective tension-building
  • Mysterious atmosphere
  • Strong character development
Weaknesses
  • Limited dialogue
  • Some elements may be too subtle for some viewers

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively builds tension and mystery through the use of ritualistic elements and the discovery of ominous objects, creating a sense of unease and anticipation.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of using a cleansing ritual to address potential danger and negative energy adds depth to the scene, enhancing the mystery and setting up future developments.

Plot: 8.5

The plot progression in the scene is significant as Liv takes proactive steps to address the potential threat, setting the stage for further exploration of the mystery and conflict.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces fresh elements of spirituality and superstition, blending them with themes of guilt and redemption. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and compelling.


Character Development

Characters: 8

Liv's character is well-developed through her actions and interactions, showcasing her determination and concern for her safety and well-being.

Character Changes: 8

Liv undergoes a subtle transformation as she confronts the potential danger in her environment, showcasing her strength and determination.

Internal Goal: 8

Liv's internal goal is to rid herself of the guilt and burden she feels, possibly related to Jonas Fry. She seeks closure and peace of mind.

External Goal: 7

Liv's external goal is to physically remove any evidence or reminders of the past, symbolizing her desire to move on and start fresh.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7.5

The conflict in the scene is subtle but palpable, as Liv grapples with the potential danger lurking in her temporary residence.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with internal conflicts and external obstacles challenging Liv's journey towards redemption and closure.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high as Liv confronts the possibility of danger and takes proactive steps to protect herself, adding tension and urgency to the scene.

Story Forward: 8

The scene propels the story forward by introducing new elements of mystery and danger, setting the stage for future developments and conflicts.

Unpredictability: 8

The scene is unpredictable in its blend of spiritual rituals, emotional revelations, and unexpected actions by the characters.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict revolves around the themes of redemption and forgiveness. Liv is struggling with her past actions and seeking a way to cleanse herself of guilt.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene evokes a sense of unease and concern, drawing the audience into Liv's emotional journey and the ominous atmosphere of the space.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue in the scene is minimal but effective, conveying the seriousness and tension of the situation without unnecessary exposition.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its mysterious atmosphere, emotional depth, and the sense of urgency in Liv's actions.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and suspense, allowing for moments of introspection and action to unfold naturally.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to the expected format for a screenplay, with clear scene headings, dialogue, and action descriptions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure, moving seamlessly between different locations and characters while maintaining a cohesive narrative flow.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension and atmosphere through its use of ritualistic elements and the symbolism of the shovel. The contrast between Liv's mundane task of unpacking and the supernatural undertones introduced by Doña Reyes creates a compelling juxtaposition that heightens the emotional stakes.
  • Liv's dialogue, particularly her line about the cowboys, adds a layer of cultural context and character depth, showcasing her frustration and desire for control in a chaotic situation. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext; Liv's interactions with Magda and Doña Reyes could reveal more about her internal struggles without being overly explicit.
  • The pacing of the scene is generally effective, but the transition between the unpacking and the ritual could be smoother. The abrupt shift from the physical labor of unpacking to the spiritual cleansing ritual feels slightly disjointed. A more gradual transition could enhance the flow and maintain the audience's engagement.
  • The visual elements are strong, particularly the imagery of the candle lighting and the salt tracing the doorway, which evoke a sense of foreboding. However, the scene could benefit from more sensory details to immerse the audience further. Describing the scents, sounds, and textures during the ritual could enhance the atmosphere and emotional weight.
  • The ending, with Liv's action of discarding the shovel, is powerful and symbolic, representing her attempt to rid herself of the past. However, the line 'Then we cover them' feels somewhat on-the-nose. A more subtle line or action could convey the same sentiment without explicitly stating it, allowing the audience to draw their own conclusions.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more subtext to the dialogue between Liv and Magda, allowing their interactions to reveal deeper emotional layers without overtly stating their feelings.
  • Smooth the transition between the unpacking and the ritual by incorporating a moment of reflection or hesitation from Liv, emphasizing her internal conflict before engaging in the spiritual cleansing.
  • Enhance the sensory details during the ritual scene by describing the scents of the copal, the sounds of the rattle, and the textures of the salt and candle, creating a more immersive experience for the audience.
  • Revise the final line to be more subtle, perhaps by showing Liv's actions or expressions that imply her desire to cover up the past without explicitly stating it.
  • Consider exploring Liv's emotional state further during the ritual, perhaps through her thoughts or memories that surface as she invokes Jonas's name, adding depth to her character and the scene.



Scene 45 -  Reflections Over Hot Chocolate
INT. MAGDA’S APARTMENT – NIGHT

The windows are cracked open. O.S. RAIN PATTERS. A fan HUMS.
INCENSE SMOKE curls from the altar. Magda pours chocolate
into mugs, stirs with cinnamon sticks.

Liv sits on the couch, hair damp, a blanket around her. Magda
hands her a mug, settles into the chair opposite.

A quiet pause. The chocolate steams between them.

MAGDA
(Spanish, subtitled)
You loved Jonas?

LIV
I loved his good intentions.

MAGDA
We know where those roads lead. My
husband died slow. Cancer. An ending
he didn't deserve.

LIV
Jonas wouldn’t have done well with
slow. He only knew fast. Money,
cars, women. Even fast art.

MAGDA
And still... you married him.

LIV
I didn't want Jonas. I wanted the
dream. Hotshot artist. Rich gringo
husband. Gallery openings. Happily
ever after. Except it was all a
lie.

MAGDA
We all get invented by someone.

LIV
You ever get tired of being alone?

MAGDA
No. But I get tired of pretending
it’s easy.

LIV
Fern makes it seem easy. That’s the
problem.

MAGDA
You call that a problem?

LIV
Wanting... and doing...

MAGDA
Separate rivers. And some rivers
drown people.

LIV
He buried Jonas. I don’t know if it
was cleanup... or cover up.

MAGDA
Does it matter?

LIV
I guess it doesn't.

MAGDA (CONT’D)
One man’s gone. Another man’s
watching from the shadows. And the
one you want is standing too still.
Men get dangerous when they stop
moving.

LIV
So what do I do?

MAGDA
You keep the bar running. You keep
your head down. And you don’t let
anyone — not Kit, not Jesús, not
Fern — write your ending for you.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In the intimate setting of Magda's apartment, she prepares hot chocolate while discussing relationships with Liv. Liv expresses her disillusionment with her late husband Jonas, revealing her struggle between the allure of a glamorous life and the harsh reality. Magda shares her own painful experiences with loss, emphasizing the importance of self-determination and cautioning against men who become stagnant. Their conversation explores themes of love, loss, and personal agency, culminating in Magda encouraging Liv to take control of her own narrative, leaving her with a renewed sense of determination.
Strengths
  • Deep emotional exploration
  • Poignant dialogue
  • Strong character development
Weaknesses
  • Limited plot progression
  • Lack of external conflict

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.7

The scene effectively conveys a sense of introspection and tension through the dialogue between Liv and Magda, exploring deep emotions and complex relationships. The reflective tone and contemplative sentiments add depth to the narrative.


Story Content

Concept: 8.6

The concept of exploring love, loss, and deception through introspective dialogue is well-executed, providing insight into the characters' motivations and emotional states.

Plot: 8.2

While the scene focuses more on character development and emotional depth than plot progression, it adds layers to the overall narrative by delving into the aftermath of a significant event.

Originality: 9

The scene demonstrates a high level of originality through its nuanced exploration of complex relationships, internal conflicts, and moral dilemmas. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds depth and realism to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Liv and Magda are well-developed, with distinct personalities and motivations that drive the emotional core of the scene. Their interactions reveal layers of complexity and depth.

Character Changes: 8

Both Liv and Magda undergo emotional shifts and revelations during the scene, deepening their understanding of themselves and their relationships.

Internal Goal: 9

Liv's internal goal in this scene is to come to terms with her past choices and desires, reflecting her deeper need for authenticity and fulfillment. She grapples with the consequences of her actions and the realization that her dreams were built on lies.

External Goal: 8

Liv's external goal is to navigate the complex relationships and situations she finds herself in, particularly dealing with the aftermath of her husband's death and the shadowy figures surrounding her.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

While there is an underlying tension in the scene, the conflict is more internal and emotional, focusing on the characters' struggles with love, loss, and deception.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting desires, hidden agendas, and unresolved tensions between the characters. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of the characters' true intentions and loyalties.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are high in terms of emotional consequences for the characters, as they grapple with love, loss, and deception in the aftermath of a tragic event.

Story Forward: 7

While the scene does not significantly move the plot forward, it provides essential character development and emotional depth that enrich the overall narrative.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting power dynamics, hidden motives, and unresolved conflicts between the characters. The audience is left uncertain about the outcomes and the true intentions of the characters.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the themes of truth, identity, and agency. Liv and Magda discuss the idea of being invented by others, the consequences of choices, and the struggle between wanting and doing.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking feelings of melancholy, resignation, and contemplation. The deep emotional resonance of the dialogue and performances resonates with the audience.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is poignant and thought-provoking, delving into themes of love, loss, and deception with emotional resonance. It effectively conveys the characters' inner turmoil and conflicting emotions.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its rich character dynamics, emotional depth, and intriguing dialogue. The tension between Liv and Magda, as well as the underlying mysteries, keep the audience invested in the story.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and suspense, allowing for moments of reflection and introspection. The rhythm of the dialogue and the pauses enhance the emotional impact of the interactions.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene adheres to the expected format for its genre, with clear scene descriptions, character actions, and dialogue. The visual and auditory elements are well-balanced and enhance the atmosphere.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the effectiveness of the dialogue and character development.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures a moment of intimacy and reflection between Liv and Magda, allowing for character development and thematic exploration. However, the dialogue can feel somewhat expository at times, particularly when discussing Liv's past with Jonas. While it's important to convey this backstory, consider weaving it into the conversation more subtly to maintain a natural flow.
  • Magda's character serves as a wise mentor figure, but her lines could benefit from more specificity to enhance her individuality. For instance, her experiences with loss could be tied more closely to Liv's situation, creating a stronger emotional resonance. This would also help to deepen the audience's understanding of both characters.
  • The metaphor of rivers is a strong visual, but it may come off as slightly abstract. It could be more impactful if tied to a specific memory or experience that Liv has had, making it more relatable and grounded in their conversation.
  • The pacing of the scene is generally good, but the quiet pauses could be utilized more effectively to build tension or emotional weight. Consider adding moments of silence where the characters reflect on their words, allowing the audience to absorb the gravity of their conversation.
  • The setting of Magda's apartment is atmospheric, but it could be described in more detail to enhance the mood. For example, the incense smoke and the sound of rain are great, but adding more sensory details about the space could create a richer environment that reflects the emotional state of the characters.
Suggestions
  • Revise the dialogue to incorporate more subtext, allowing characters to imply their feelings rather than stating them outright. This will create a more engaging and layered conversation.
  • Consider giving Magda a specific anecdote about her husband that parallels Liv's situation, which could deepen their connection and provide a more personal touch to her advice.
  • Clarify the metaphor of rivers by linking it to a specific event or feeling in Liv's life, making it more tangible and relatable for the audience.
  • Utilize pauses more strategically to heighten emotional tension, allowing the audience to feel the weight of the characters' experiences.
  • Enhance the description of Magda's apartment to reflect the mood of the scene more vividly, using sensory details to immerse the audience in the atmosphere.



Scene 46 -  Stormy Confrontations
INT. EL MILAGRO PERDIDO – LATE MORNING

O.S. heavy RAIN. Magda mops the floor. Manuel stocks the bar.
Liv tallies receipts with cash and credit card slips.

LIV
Sorry I didn't pay your tips last
night. It won't happen again.

Fern strides in with a cooler, shakes his wet hair like a
happy puppy. He plunks it on the bar, flips it open.

FERN
Morning, Team Perdido. Fresh from
La Paz - snapper and langoustines.
Tonight we go fancy.

He displays the seafood with pride. Liv glances up, offers a
tired smile, returns to her count.

Fern heads into the kitchen. Magda follows, frowning as she
mops his footprints.

MAGDA
(Spanish, subtitled)
If this rain keeps up, there may not
be a tonight.

MANUEL
Just a shower. It'll pass.

Liv walks around the counter. Magda joins her -

AT THE DOOR

The street is a river two-feet deep. Cars plow through, splash
waves onto soggy PEDESTRIANS. One of them is CLAY FRY, 40s,
Texan cowboy head to toe, as he dodges gushing roof drains.

Liv and Magda share a bemused look, turn back inside. A taxi
SPLASHES to the curb. Kit hops out, unfazed by the rain. Two
long strides and he’s through the swing doors, shaking water
from his Panama hat.

KIT
How's Team Success this fine day?

They stare at him blankly, return to their tasks.

KIT (CONT'D)
That good, huh?

He claims his usual table. Liv serves him coffee and mezcal
with orange slices.

KIT (CONT'D)
My vitamin quota for the day.
Gracias, amiga.

The doors SWING open. Clay enters, small suitcase in hand.
He looks around, a puddle forming at his feet. He removes his
hat, nods to no-one in particular. Magda hustles over, gestures
him to lift one foot, then the other, slips a mat under him.

KIT (CONT'D)
Looks like Dorothy took a wrong turn
at Albuquerque.

LIV
Welcome to San Miguel. You're just
in time for the start of rainy season.

CLAY
Driver dropped me off two blocks
down the road. Said the current
this corner would wash him away.
I'm almost inclined to believe him,
but that attitude sure as hell
wouldn't survive in Texas.

KIT
Come in. Dry off. Tell me what
brings you to our magical little
town.

CLAY
That's mighty civil of you.
(MORE)

CLAY (CONT'D)
(to Liv)
I'll have what he's having, ma'am.

Clay sets his suitcase in a corner, joins Kit. Liv pours
coffee, sets down a glass of mezcal.

CLAY (CONT'D)
Why, you're even prettier than your
picture.

LIV
I beg your pardon.

Clay pulls a worn B&W wedding photo from his jacket — Jonas
and Liv, young and smiling. He extends his hand.

CLAY
Clayton Fry. Folks call me Clay.

Liv raises her hands, pot of coffee in one, bottle of mezcal
in the other. No way she's shaking his hand.

LIV
Funny. Jonas never mentioned you.

CLAY
We've been out of sorts, but he got
in touch recently and invited me to
come on down.

LIV
Sorry to disappoint, but Jonas isn't
here.

CLAY
He never was much of an early riser.

KIT
What the lady means is your brother
skipped town.

CLAY
No, sir. That can't be. Confirmed
I was coming just the other day.
(downs the mezcal)
Whooeee! If that don't kick a man
straight to Jesus... pour me another,
darlin'. Might need divine protection
after all.

Liv looks like fire's about to shoot out her eyes. As she
walks toward the kitchen.

LIV
(Spanish, subtitled)
Manuel, take care of the cowboy.
Pour him our most expensive mezcal.

KITCHEN

Liv storms in, opens her mouth in a silent scream. Fern glances
up from the prep table, knife in hand.

LIV (CONT'D)
Fu-u-u-u-u-ck!

FERN
What happened?

LIV
The universe isn't done shitting on
me. Son of a bitch has a brother.

FERN
Please tell me you're messing with
my head.

LIV
Clay. From Texas. Cowboy hat and
all. Walked in like he was expecting
a parade.

Kit enters, drops Jonas’s laptop onto the counter.

KIT
Jonas left this at my pad.

LIV
Why was he at your place?

KIT
Reviewing security camera options.

FERN
And which did he choose?

KIT
He didn't. That's why I'm returning
this. Maybe your brother-in-law
would like to pick up where your
husband left off.

LIV
Not in your fucking life. In ten
years, Jonas never once mentioned a
brother.

KIT
He has your wedding photo.

LIV
What does that prove?

FERN
Nothing. So, now we figure out if
he’s another gringo working a scam —
or he's looking for a real fight.

KIT
Either way, give Jesús a heads up.

LIV
Then, we weave a sleepy-time story
that'll send his ass back to Texas.

O.S. "TENNESSEE WALTZ" by Patti Page plays on the jukebox.

BAR – AFTERNOON

Thunder RUMBLES O.S. A few CUSTOMERS nurse cervezas. Clay
sits with Kit, observing the bar's coming and goings.

A wet SKINNY GRINGO, 30s, slinks in, nods to Manuel, slips
him a $1000 peso bill. Manuel serves up a beer, palms a tiny
package under a napkin, pockets the money.

CLAY
Lot of parched mouths in this town.

KIT
Rain does that. Conjures up lost
souls. Revives what folks thought
they’d buried — sorrows, grudges,
old cravings.

CLAY
My brother had plenty of those.
Some dirtier than others. Hell of a
thing — him just vanishin’. Not
like him to break a pattern. Still
trying to figure where that pretty
little wife of his fits in the story.

KIT
She fits just fine. You’ll see.

CLAY
That’s what’s got me curious. As
sorry as his ass may be, Jonas don’t
spook easy. And he sure as hell
didn’t just forget to say goodbye.

The swing doors CREAK. Jesús enters, flanked by Carlos and
Luis. They shake off rain from their oilskin coats. Jesús
makes eye contact with Kit. Kit tips his glass.

CLAY (CONT'D)
Goddamn I need me one of them
slickers. Who’s that fella'? Looks
like he just stepped out of one of
those old timey westerns.

KIT
Local patron of the arts.

Clay narrows his eyes as Jesús makes his way to the "RESERVED"
table. Luis stands at the end of the bar. With a nod and show
of fingers, orders drinks.

Manuel serves three beers and shots of mezcal. Luis serves
Jesús at the table, returns to the bar as Manuel pulls a
package from under the register, slips it to Luis.

MANUEL
(sotto, Spanish,
subtitled)
Rain's good for business.

LUIS
Y Madre Tierra. Gracias a dios.

Luis kisses the package, slips it inside his coat. Swivels to
scan the bar as he retreats to sit with Jesús.

Clay ambles over to the jukebox, flipping coins in his hand
like a pro poker player toying with chips.

CLAY
(to Jesús)
Howdy.
(studying song list)
Sure don't make 'em like this no
more.

Clay inserts coins, punches buttons, returns to sit with Kit.
"SILVER DOLLAR" by Eve Young plays. Clay smirks, gesticulates
as if he's directing the music.

JUKEBOX (O.S.)
"Rolls a silver dollar because it's
round.../A woman never knows what a
good man she's got until she turns
him down..."

CLAY
(singing bass with
the chorus)
"Down. Down. Down. Down."

JUKEBOX (O.S.)
"Listen my honey, listen to me.../I
want you to understand.../That that
silver dollar goes from hand to
hand.../"

CLAY
(with the song)
"So a woman goes from man to man/
(whistles with the
chorus)
"A woman goes from man to man..."

KITCHEN

Liv chops veggies to smithereens. Fern fillets snapper.

JUKEBOX (O.S.)
"A man without a woman is like a
ship without a sail..."

LIV
Turn that shit off.

FERN
But-

LIV
Don't fucking but me. We only ever
hear Spanish from that box, so who
the hell do you think chose that
American crap? Just pull the goddamn
plug.

BAR

Fern unplugs the jukebox. Eve SCRATCHES to a droning stop.
Clay bolts upright, slams his glass down. The room FLINCHES.

CLAY
What the hell, man?!
(strides to Fern)
I paid for that tune. You don’t
just piss on a man's parade.

FERN
You’ll get your ten pesos back.

CLAY
Don’t get cute with me, son.

Clay gets in Fern’s face. Fern doesn’t back down. Luis and
Carlos rise in sync, jackets parting to reveal pistols in
waistbands. Clay’s eyes flick to the guns.

CLAY (CONT'D)
Just like my brother to buy a place
full of strangers and think it makes
him king. You’re his dog, huh?

FERN
I'm nobody's dog, pinche gringo.

Liv bursts in from the kitchen, wielding her chef's knife
like she's ready to kill. The entire bar freezes.

LIV
That's enough.

CLAY
Oh, I don’t believe we're done.
(to Fern)
Not until I find out who’s got their
hands where they don’t belong.

LIV
You want a refund, I’ll get you coins
and a fucking receipt.

CLAY
You got grit, I’ll give you that.

JESÚS
(Spanish, subtitled)
A man who lacks respect soon meets
the ground.

KIT
Time to sit down, cowboy. Or go
drink somewhere with cable.

CLAY
Y'all take your songs mighty serious
around here.

LIV
Just the ones that stink of shit.

Clay returns to his seat, raises his glass mockingly.

CLAY
To the stink, then.

Behind the bar, Magda dries a glass, holds it up, looks through
it like it's a magnifying glass on Clay.

As Clay sips, Magda sets down a plate of sliced orange and
sal de gusano before him.

MAGDA
(Spanish, subtitled)
For protection. From what’s already
inside you.

CLAY
(to Kit)
Wha'd she say?

KIT
The early bird catches the worm.

CLAY
That doesn't make any sense, man.

Kit shrugs, watches Liv walks back toward the kitchen.

LIV
Plug it back in. But make sure the
next one’s in Spanish.

FERN
Sí, jefa.

He watches her cross the floor. Clay watches too. So does
Jesús. And Kit.

The rain intensifies O.S. A DROP from the ceiling HITS the
floor. Then another. Magda puts out buckets to catch the drops.

KITCHEN

Liv steadies herself against the counter, on the verge of
tears - sad or mad is uncertain.

FERN (CONT'D)
That motherfucker stinks of trouble.

LIV
I didn't endure ten years on a drunken
rollercoaster to walk away empty
handed. Either he goes or I go to
my grave trying to make him.

FERN (softer)
We could... disappear. Just the two
of us.

LIV
Didn't you hear what I just said?

FERN
Then the motherfucker goes.

LIV
First, we smile. We cook. We survive
the night. We keep Jesús happy.

She grabs a bunch of cilantro, chops with methodical fury.
Fern turns on the stove. A pan SMOKES. Oil SIZZLES. Magda
enters with a bowl of sliced limes, her jaw set.

MAGDA
(Spanish, subtitled)
Storm’s not over. This is going to
be another long night.

LIV
What's Jesús doing?

MAGDA
What Jesús always does. Watches and
waits. And when he decides... the
rest of us learn to live with it.

She sets the limes down, slowly unrolls a rosary onto the
prep table. Doesn’t say another word. Just goes back to work.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In the rain-soaked bar El Milagro Perdido, Liv, Magda, and Manuel are disrupted by the arrival of Clay, who reveals he is Jonas's brother, shocking Liv. Tensions escalate as Clay flaunts a wedding photo of Liv and Jonas, provoking her anger. A confrontation ensues between Clay and Fern, with Liv intervening, brandishing a knife in defense of her space. As the storm rages outside, Liv resolves to confront Clay and protect her bar, setting the stage for a night filled with conflict.
Strengths
  • Intense conflict
  • Sharp dialogue
  • Strong character dynamics
  • High emotional impact
Weaknesses
  • Potential for confusion with multiple characters introduced

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene is highly engaging, filled with tension, and sets up a compelling conflict. The dialogue is sharp, and the character dynamics are well-developed, creating a sense of anticipation and intrigue.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of the scene, focusing on the arrival of a mysterious character and the ensuing confrontation, is intriguing and well-executed. The introduction of Clay adds a new layer of complexity to the story.

Plot: 9.2

The plot of the scene is driven by the arrival of Clay and the escalating tensions between the characters. It moves the story forward significantly and sets up future conflicts and developments.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh and intriguing situation with the arrival of Clay and the mystery surrounding Jonas's brother. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and add depth to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 9.3

The characters are well-defined and their interactions are compelling. Liv's determination, Fern's loyalty, and Clay's mysterious presence all contribute to the scene's impact.

Character Changes: 9

Liv's resolve and determination are tested, while Fern's loyalty and protective instincts come to the fore. Clay's mysterious presence introduces a new dynamic and challenges the existing relationships.

Internal Goal: 9

Liv's internal goal is to maintain control and protect her business and personal life from unexpected disruptions, like the arrival of Clay and the revelation of Jonas's brother.

External Goal: 8

Liv's external goal is to handle the situation with Clay and ensure the safety and success of her bar, El Milagro Perdido.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9.5

The conflict in the scene is intense and multi-layered, with emotional, personal, and power struggles coming to the forefront. The stakes are high, and the tension is palpable.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicts arising between Liv, Clay, and the other characters. The audience is left uncertain of how the conflicts will be resolved.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes in the scene are high, with personal, emotional, and potentially dangerous consequences for the characters. The arrival of Clay and the escalating tensions raise the stakes even further.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by introducing new conflicts, deepening character relationships, and setting the stage for future developments. It adds layers of complexity to the narrative.

Unpredictability: 8

The scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected arrival of Clay and the mystery surrounding Jonas's brother. The audience is kept on their toes, unsure of how the situation will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict revolves around the themes of loyalty, trust, and survival. Liv must navigate her loyalty to her husband, Jonas, and her business, while also dealing with the unexpected appearance of Clay and the potential threat he poses.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9.2

The scene evokes strong emotions, including anxiety, defiance, and determination. The characters' emotional states are vividly portrayed, adding depth to the scene.

Dialogue: 9.1

The dialogue is sharp, tense, and reveals the underlying emotions and motivations of the characters. It drives the conflict forward and adds depth to the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its blend of mystery, tension, and character dynamics. The audience is drawn into the unfolding drama and invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is well-crafted, with a balance of dialogue, action, and tension. The rhythm of the scene keeps the audience engaged and builds suspense effectively.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene descriptions, character actions, and dialogue. The formatting enhances the readability and flow of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a well-paced structure, introducing conflicts and building tension effectively. The dialogue and actions flow naturally, contributing to the scene's effectiveness.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes a tense atmosphere with the rain and the characters' interactions, which heightens the stakes as Liv confronts the unexpected arrival of Clay. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext to convey the underlying tension without being overly explicit. For instance, instead of directly stating their feelings about Clay, characters could use more indirect language or metaphors that hint at their emotions.
  • The introduction of Clay as a character is intriguing, but his motivations and background could be fleshed out further. As he is Jonas's brother, it would be beneficial to provide hints about their relationship dynamics or Clay's past that could inform the audience's understanding of his character. This would add depth to his presence and make Liv's reaction more impactful.
  • The pacing of the scene feels uneven at times. The transition from the light-hearted banter about the seafood to the confrontation with Clay could be smoother. Consider adding a moment of tension or hesitation before the confrontation escalates, allowing the audience to feel the weight of the situation building up.
  • Liv's emotional state is crucial to the scene, yet her reactions could be more nuanced. Instead of expressing anger outright, showing her internal struggle through physicality or subtle facial expressions could create a more compelling portrayal of her character. This would allow the audience to empathize with her plight without needing explicit dialogue.
  • The use of Spanish dialogue with subtitles is a nice touch, but it could be more integrated into the scene. Instead of having characters switch to English immediately after speaking Spanish, consider maintaining the Spanish dialogue longer, allowing the audience to feel the cultural context and tension more deeply.
Suggestions
  • Incorporate more subtext in the dialogue to convey the characters' emotions and motivations without being overly explicit. This can create a richer interaction and engage the audience more effectively.
  • Provide hints about Clay's relationship with Jonas and his motivations for coming to San Miguel. This could be done through dialogue or visual cues that suggest a deeper backstory.
  • Smooth out the pacing by adding a moment of tension or hesitation before the confrontation with Clay escalates. This can help build suspense and make the eventual conflict feel more earned.
  • Show Liv's emotional state through physicality and subtle expressions rather than overt anger. This can create a more relatable and complex character that the audience can connect with.
  • Integrate the Spanish dialogue more seamlessly into the scene, allowing for longer exchanges before switching to English. This can enhance the cultural atmosphere and deepen the audience's immersion in the setting.



Scene 47 -  Storm Aftermath
EXT. EL MILAGOR PERDIDO – NIGHT

The last STRAGGLERS drift out into the street, huddled under
umbrellas or coat hoods. THUNDER murmurs in the distance, but
the storm has passed, the street no longer a rushing river.

INT. EL MILAGRO PERDIDO – NIGHT

Jesús and his men are gone. Their table sits empty — three
shot glasses in a perfect triangle.

Clay slouches at the bar, spinning a mezcal glass between his
fingers, slow and idle — his eyes sharp and wary.

Fern hauls out a trash bag. Magda wipes down the bar, silent
as a ghost. Manuel pulls a package from under the counter,
disappears into the kitchen.

Liv pours a glass of wine. Walks it over to Kit’s table.

LIV
Closing soon. You good?

KIT
That depends. You want me to stay?

LIV
If anything goes south, you’ll just
take notes and sell the story.

KIT
Anthology's in the works.

LIV
Yeah? What you callin' it - The
Idiots of San Miguel?

KIT
Buried in Light.

CLAY
You two always this cozy at closing
time?

Liv doesn’t answer. She takes his empty glass, walks back
behind the bar. Clay turns to Kit.

CLAY (CONT'D)
It occur to you my brother didn’t
skip town?

KIT
Plenty of things make men run. Bad
debts being top of the list.

CLAY
He wouldn't say he had my money to
get me down here and then just
disappear. Something ain't right.

KIT
Maybe he realized he could put that
twenty grand to better use.

CLAY
Nah. He knows I'd kill him before I
let him pull the wool over my eyes
again.

MAGDA
(Spanish, subtitled)
Men who ask too many questions get
answers they don't like.

CLAY
Now what the hell did she say?

KIT
She said you should head home before
your boots rot.

Clay stands slowly. Smiles the smile a snake gives a mouse.

CLAY
Tell you what. I’m gonna stick
around. Shake a few trees. Poke a
bear here and there.

KIT
Funny thing about bears, you never
see the teeth until it's too late.

Clay tips his hat. Exits into the night. Liv locks the door
behind him, sits with Kit, pours mezcal, downs a shot.

LIV
What was that talk about twenty grand?

KIT
That's his asking price to walk away.

LIV
Another delusional gringo. They're
fucking exhausting.
(standing, to Fern)
Can you close up? I need a night on
my own to think.

FERN
I'll walk you.

LIV
No. Make sure everything is shut
down tight, especially your secret
fucking safe.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary As the storm subsides outside El Milagro Perdido, tension fills the bar where Clay, suspicious about his brother's disappearance, decides to investigate further. Liv and Kit discuss the implications of the missing money while Magda and Fern clean up, with a cryptic warning issued in Spanish. Liv expresses her need for solitude, ultimately declining Fern's offer to walk her home, emphasizing the importance of securing the bar. The scene ends with an air of danger and uncertainty as Clay's intentions loom.
Strengths
  • Tense atmosphere
  • Sharp dialogue
  • Character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development in this specific scene

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively builds tension and sets up potential conflicts, keeping the audience engaged and intrigued. The dialogue is well-crafted and adds depth to the characters and their relationships.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene revolves around unresolved conflicts, hidden agendas, and the looming threat of Clay. It effectively sets up future developments and adds layers to the characters' motivations.

Plot: 8.5

The plot thickens as Clay's presence introduces new conflicts and challenges for the characters. The scene progresses the overall narrative by raising the stakes and deepening the mystery surrounding Jonas's disappearance.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a familiar noir setting but adds a fresh twist with its Latin American backdrop and unique character dynamics. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds depth and realism to the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-defined and their interactions reveal underlying tensions and motivations. Liv, Kit, Fern, and Clay all have distinct personalities that drive the scene forward.

Character Changes: 7

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the interactions and conflicts set the stage for potential growth and transformation in future developments.

Internal Goal: 8

Clay's internal goal is to uncover the truth about his missing brother and protect his own interests. This reflects his need for closure, his fear of betrayal, and his desire for justice.

External Goal: 7

Clay's external goal is to find his missing brother and confront anyone who may have information about his disappearance. This reflects the immediate challenge he is facing in a town where secrets run deep and danger lurks in the shadows.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is high, with tensions simmering beneath the surface and the threat of violence looming. The interactions between the characters are charged with emotion and potential danger.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong but not overwhelming, creating a sense of challenge and uncertainty for the protagonist without overshadowing the other elements of the narrative.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in the scene, with the threat of violence, unresolved conflicts, and hidden agendas creating a sense of danger and suspense. The characters' fates hang in the balance as tensions escalate.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by introducing new conflicts, deepening existing tensions, and setting up future plot developments. It adds layers to the narrative and keeps the audience invested in the unfolding drama.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting dynamics between the characters, the hidden motives and secrets that are slowly revealed, and the sense of danger that lurks beneath the surface.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between trust and deception. Clay must navigate a world where people may not be who they seem, and where loyalty can quickly turn to betrayal. This challenges his beliefs in family bonds and the reliability of others.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a sense of unease, suspense, and anticipation, keeping the audience emotionally engaged. The characters' complex emotions add depth to the unfolding drama.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is sharp, tense, and filled with subtext, adding layers to the characters and their relationships. It effectively conveys the mounting tension and sets up future conflicts.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intriguing characters, sharp dialogue, and atmospheric descriptions that create a sense of mystery and suspense. The audience is drawn into the world of the story and invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by gradually building tension, alternating between moments of quiet reflection and sharp dialogue, and maintaining a sense of urgency and suspense throughout.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting that enhances readability and visual storytelling.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a suspenseful, character-driven drama, with a gradual build-up of tension, revealing dialogue, and a cliffhanger ending that leaves the audience wanting more.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension through the dialogue and interactions between Liv, Kit, and Clay, but it could benefit from more visual descriptions to enhance the atmosphere. For instance, describing the dim lighting, the sound of rain, or the lingering smell of mezcal could immerse the audience further into the setting.
  • Clay's character is introduced with a sense of menace, but his motivations could be clearer. While he expresses suspicion about his brother's disappearance, adding a line or two that hints at his past relationship with Jonas could deepen the audience's understanding of his emotional stakes.
  • The dialogue between Liv and Kit is witty and engaging, but it risks overshadowing the tension with Clay. Balancing the humor with the underlying threat posed by Clay could heighten the stakes. Consider having Liv's responses to Kit be more guarded, reflecting her anxiety about Clay's presence.
  • Magda's line in Spanish adds an interesting layer, but it might be beneficial to provide a bit more context for her character's role in the scene. Perhaps a brief action or expression could illustrate her concern for Liv, reinforcing her protective nature.
  • The scene ends with Liv's decision to take a night alone, which is a strong character moment. However, it could be more impactful if it were tied back to her earlier emotional struggles. A brief internal reflection or a visual cue (like her looking at a photo of Jonas) could enhance the emotional weight of her decision.
Suggestions
  • Incorporate more sensory details to create a vivid atmosphere, such as the sound of rain, the smell of mezcal, or the dim lighting of the bar.
  • Clarify Clay's motivations by adding a line that hints at his past relationship with Jonas, which would provide context for his anger and suspicion.
  • Balance the humor in Liv and Kit's dialogue with a more serious tone to reflect the tension with Clay, perhaps by making Liv's responses more cautious.
  • Enhance Magda's presence by including a brief action or expression that shows her concern for Liv, reinforcing her role as a protective figure.
  • Add a moment of internal reflection for Liv at the end of the scene to deepen the emotional impact of her decision to take a night alone.



Scene 48 -  Confrontation at Midnight
INT. LIV & JONAS’S TEMP RESIDENCE – HALLWAY - NIGHT

Liv enters, locks the door behind her, walks to the

LIVING ROOM/KITCHEN

Opens a bottle of wine. Pours a glass. Sips. Silence. Peace.
O.S. KNOCK KNOCK.

She sets the glass down, walks to the

HALLWAY

Cracks open the door. Clay is standing there, hat in hand.

CLAY
Didn’t think you were gettin’ rid of
me that easy, did you?

LIV
What do you want?

CLAY
Surely a spit of hospitality ain't
asking too much from family.

She hesitates. He plants a foot inside the door. Choice
removed. She turns, walks back to the living room. He follows,
pokes his nose in the bedroom, returns to the-

LIVING ROOM

Sniffs around like a dog.

CLAY
Cozy. Don't know where Jonas figured
I'd be bunking.

LIV
That's because he didn't.

Clay slumps onto the sofa, kicks a box under the tabl, sees
its label: JONAS'S FILES - PRIVATE.

CLAY
Well, lookie here.

He yanks the box out, starts rummaging. Liv slugs her wine.

CLAY (CONT'D)
(reading)
Life insurance policy for one Maria
Olivia Fry Cordoba.
(low whistle)
You don't look sick to me. You hiding
some silent disease my bro was banking
on?

LIV
It's time for you to leave.

CLAY
(picking through files)
I'll just take these for a closer
look.

LIV
You will do no such fucking thing.

She stomps her boot onto his hand. Grinds down hard. Smashes
her wine glass on the table. Points the sharp stem at him.

LIV (CONT'D)
Listen good, Clay. Jonas Fry is a
miserable drunk without a pot to
piss in. You want to poke bears
around here, you better know something -
next of kin means you're the one
they'll skin first. This ain't Texas
cabrón.

She lifts her foot, keeps the sharp stem raised.

LIV (CONT'D)
Get out of my fucking house.

Clay swipes the stem out of her hand, grips her throat.

CLAY
Well, ain't you a spark plug? I see
why my brother was so bewitched.

He tosses her aside. Grabs his hat. Walks out. Liv scrambles,
watches him from the doorway.

HALLWAY

Clay notices the garage door, jiggles the handle. It's locked.

CLAY (CONT'D)
What's in here?

LIV
The lion, the witch and the wardrobe.

CLAY
(opens front door)
This ain't over.

LIV
Bring it on, buster.

The door slams SHUT. Liv locks the deadbolt, slides down the
wall. Pulls out her phone, hands shaking.

LIV (into phone) (CONT'D)
How do I get a gun?
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary Liv enjoys a quiet evening at home until Clay barges in uninvited, searching for Jonas's private files. Tensions rise as Liv confronts him, asserting her authority and warning him of the consequences of his actions. A physical struggle ensues, culminating in Clay threatening Liv before he leaves. Shaken but resolute, Liv locks the door and resolves to arm herself for the ongoing conflict.
Strengths
  • Intense character dynamics
  • Sharp dialogue
  • High emotional impact
Weaknesses
  • Potential for more physical action to enhance tension

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene is highly engaging and intense, with strong character dynamics and a gripping conflict that keeps the audience on edge.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of family secrets and hidden agendas is effectively explored through the interactions between Liv and Clay, adding depth to the characters and the overall narrative.

Plot: 9

The plot advances significantly in this scene, revealing crucial information about the characters and setting up future conflicts and developments.

Originality: 9

The scene is original in its portrayal of a tense family confrontation, with unique character dynamics and unexpected twists. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9.5

Liv and Clay are well-developed characters with strong motivations and conflicting personalities, driving the tension and drama of the scene.

Character Changes: 9

Liv undergoes a significant shift in her relationship with Clay, asserting her strength and determination in the face of his threats and manipulation.

Internal Goal: 9

Liv's internal goal in this scene is to protect herself and her secrets from Clay, while also asserting her independence and strength. This reflects her deeper need for safety and autonomy, as well as her fear of being controlled or manipulated.

External Goal: 8

Liv's external goal in this scene is to get Clay to leave her house and stop intruding on her privacy. This reflects the immediate challenge she is facing of dealing with an unwanted and potentially dangerous visitor.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9.5

The conflict between Liv and Clay is intense and multi-layered, with high stakes and emotional resonance that drive the scene forward.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Clay posing a significant threat to Liv's safety and secrets. The audience is unsure of how Liv will overcome this obstacle, adding to the tension and suspense.

High Stakes: 10

The high stakes of family secrets, betrayal, and hidden agendas raise the tension and drama of the scene, adding urgency and emotional impact.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by revealing key information about the characters and their motivations, setting up future conflicts and developments.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists and turns in the confrontation between Liv and Clay. The audience is kept guessing about the outcome until the very end.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is between loyalty to family and self-preservation. Liv must balance her loyalty to her brother with her need to protect herself and her secrets, leading to a moral dilemma.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9.2

The scene evokes strong emotions of anger, fear, and defiance, drawing the audience into the characters' struggles and creating a powerful sense of tension.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is sharp and impactful, conveying the characters' emotions and motivations effectively, especially during the intense confrontation between Liv and Clay.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense conflict, sharp dialogue, and suspenseful action. The dynamic between Liv and Clay keeps the audience on the edge of their seats.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and suspense gradually, leading to a climactic confrontation between Liv and Clay. The rhythm of the dialogue and action keeps the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings, action lines, and dialogue formatting that enhance readability and flow.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with a clear progression of action and dialogue that builds tension and suspense.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension through the confrontation between Liv and Clay, showcasing Liv's determination to protect her space and her past. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext; while it is confrontational, it sometimes feels on-the-nose. For instance, Liv's warning about Clay being skinned first could be more subtly implied rather than explicitly stated, allowing the audience to infer the stakes.
  • The pacing of the scene is generally good, but the transition from Liv's initial calmness to the confrontation with Clay could be more gradual. The sudden shift feels slightly jarring. Consider adding a moment of hesitation or internal conflict for Liv before she confronts Clay, which would heighten the emotional stakes.
  • Clay's character comes across as menacing, but his motivations could be clearer. Why is he so insistent on invading Liv's space? Adding a line or two that hints at his deeper motivations or insecurities could make him a more rounded antagonist.
  • The physicality of the scene is strong, particularly Liv's action of stomping on Clay's hand and the use of the wine glass as a weapon. However, the aftermath of the physical altercation could be explored further. How does Liv feel after the confrontation? A brief moment of reflection could add depth to her character and the emotional weight of the scene.
  • The ending of the scene, where Liv pulls out her phone to ask about getting a gun, is a strong hook. However, it could be enhanced by showing more of her emotional state. Is she scared, angry, or determined? A line of internal dialogue or a visual cue could help convey her mindset more effectively.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding subtext to the dialogue to create a more nuanced confrontation. Allow the audience to infer the stakes rather than stating them outright.
  • Introduce a moment of hesitation for Liv before she confronts Clay to create a more gradual build-up of tension.
  • Clarify Clay's motivations with a line or two that hints at his insecurities or reasons for invading Liv's space.
  • Include a brief moment of reflection for Liv after the physical confrontation to explore her emotional state and the weight of the situation.
  • Enhance the final moment with Liv pulling out her phone by adding a line of internal dialogue or a visual cue that conveys her emotional state.



Scene 49 -  A Tense Decision
INT. KIT’S APARTMENT – MORNING

RAIN PATTERS. A fan WHIRS. Liv holds a gun at arm's length.

KIT
Finger off the trigger ‘til you’re
sure you hate somebody.

LIV
I hate him fine, and I don't even
know him. I just sure as hell know
I don't want to.

Kit places a box on the table — rounds, rod, rag.

KIT
Take this, too. If he breaks in,
throw it at his head. Might do more
damage than the bullet.

LIV
I’m serious, Kit.

KIT
So’s the recoil.

He walks over, stand behind her, his hands on her grip.

KIT (CONT'D)
Two hands. This isn't ballet. You’re
trying not to die.

LIV
Story of my life.

She raises the gun, aims at a framed photo of Hemingway in a
matador’s jacket.

KIT
Don’t you dare. That’s signed.

Kit sits, lights a cigarette. Liv puts the gun and box in her
purse, lights a cigarette, sits to enjoy it. O.S. a dog BARKS.

She sees a gold chain peeking from under a newspaper. She
pulls it out, along with a tiny sack. She pulls on the chain.

Out falls her locket and the severed pinky.

Liv stares at the severed pinky. She lifts her eyes. Kit meets
her stare. He doesn’t flinch. Doesn’t explain. Just taps ash
from his cigarette. Calm. Casual. Deadly.

Liv puts the locket around her neck. She leaves the pinky on
the table, wrapped up in plastic like a tiny sausage.
Genres: ["Thriller","Drama"]

Summary In Kit's apartment on a rainy morning, Liv nervously holds a gun while Kit calmly instructs her on its use, providing ammunition and advice. Liv's emotional turmoil surfaces as she expresses her disdain for the situation. While searching through a newspaper, she discovers a severed pinky and a locket, which she places around her neck, leaving the pinky on the table. The scene captures Liv's anxiety and desperation against the backdrop of Kit's nonchalant demeanor, culminating in Liv's acceptance of her grim reality.
Strengths
  • Tense atmosphere
  • Sharp dialogue
  • Revelation of secrets
Weaknesses
  • Potential for excessive violence
  • Lack of resolution in the scene

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively builds tension and suspense through the interaction between Liv and Kit, the discovery of the severed pinky finger, and the use of a gun. The dialogue is sharp and impactful, enhancing the overall intensity of the scene.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene revolves around unveiling secrets and escalating the conflict between Liv and Kit. The discovery of the severed pinky finger and the gold locket adds intrigue and sets the stage for further developments in the narrative.

Plot: 8.5

The plot of the scene is driven by the revelation of the severed pinky finger and the gold locket, which raises questions about the characters' motivations and past actions. The conflict between Liv and Kit propels the narrative forward and sets up future events.

Originality: 9

The scene is original in its portrayal of a character facing a life-threatening situation and having to make difficult choices. The dialogue feels authentic and the actions of the characters are believable.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters of Liv and Kit are well-developed in this scene, with their conflicting emotions and motivations driving the tension. Liv's defiance and Kit's calm demeanor create a compelling dynamic that keeps the audience engaged.

Character Changes: 8

Liv undergoes a shift in her perception of danger and her willingness to protect herself, while Kit remains calm and collected in the face of conflict. The scene sets up potential character growth and development in future events.

Internal Goal: 8

Liv's internal goal in this scene is to protect herself and assert her independence. Her fear of the unknown man and her desire to stay alive are reflected in her actions and dialogue.

External Goal: 7

Liv's external goal in this scene is to defend herself against potential threats, as indicated by Kit's instructions on how to use the gun and other weapons.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is intense and palpable, with Liv and Kit facing off in a high-stakes confrontation. The discovery of the severed pinky finger raises the stakes and adds a sense of urgency to the scene.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Liv facing a life-threatening situation and having to make difficult choices.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in the scene, with Liv and Kit facing off in a dangerous confrontation that could have deadly consequences. The discovery of the severed pinky finger raises the stakes and adds a sense of urgency to the narrative.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by revealing crucial information about the characters' pasts and motivations, setting up future conflicts and developments. The discovery of the severed pinky finger and the gold locket propels the narrative towards a climactic resolution.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected reveal of the severed pinky and the characters' ambiguous reactions to it.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between survival and morality. Liv is faced with the choice of using violence to protect herself, which challenges her beliefs and values.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene elicits fear, tension, and defiance from the characters, creating an emotional impact on the audience. The high-stakes confrontation and the revelation of the severed pinky finger add depth to the emotional resonance of the scene.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene is sharp, impactful, and reveals the characters' inner thoughts and emotions. The exchanges between Liv and Kit add depth to their relationship and heighten the sense of danger and suspense.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its suspenseful atmosphere, sharp dialogue, and the characters' conflicting motivations.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and suspense, with a good balance of action and dialogue.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is well-executed, with clear scene headings, character names, and action descriptions.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for a tense and suspenseful moment in a screenplay, with clear action and dialogue sequences.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension by juxtaposing Liv's emotional turmoil with the physicality of handling a gun. This contrast highlights her vulnerability and desperation, making her character more relatable.
  • Kit's dialogue is sharp and serves to both instruct Liv and reveal his character's calm demeanor in the face of chaos. However, the line 'This isn't ballet' could be seen as slightly clichéd; it might benefit from a more original metaphor that reflects Kit's personality.
  • The introduction of the severed pinky is a powerful visual that adds a layer of horror and urgency to the scene. However, the lack of immediate context for the pinky may leave some viewers confused. A brief line or visual cue earlier in the scene could help foreshadow its significance.
  • Liv's emotional state is well conveyed through her dialogue and actions, particularly her frustration and determination. However, her transition from anger to a more resigned acceptance when she puts on the locket could be more nuanced. Exploring her internal conflict further could deepen the emotional impact.
  • The pacing of the scene is effective, with a good balance of dialogue and action. However, the moment where Liv puts the gun and box in her purse could be expanded to show her hesitation or resolve, adding depth to her character's decision-making process.
Suggestions
  • Consider revising Kit's metaphor about ballet to something more unique that reflects his character and the gravity of the situation.
  • Add a line or visual cue earlier in the scene to foreshadow the severed pinky, providing context that enhances its impact when revealed.
  • Explore Liv's internal conflict more deeply as she transitions from anger to acceptance, perhaps through a brief flashback or a moment of reflection.
  • Expand the moment where Liv puts the gun and box in her purse to show her hesitation or determination, adding depth to her character's decision-making process.
  • Ensure that the tone remains consistent throughout the scene, balancing the tension with moments of dark humor or introspection to keep the audience engaged.



Scene 50 -  High Stakes in the Rain
INT. EL MILAGRO PERDIDO - AFTERNOON

Liv sets out a buffet of finger food, taquitos, dips, etc.

O.S. THUNDER. Buckets dot the floor catching RAIN. Magda mops
around them. Fern fills a cooler. Manuel checks coke packets.
Luis and Carlos man the door.

Tables join to form one table for seven MEN, Jesús center, a
chair empty. Kit shuffles cards.

Clay swaggers in. Carlos eyes Jesús, who nods imperceptibly.

KIT
Five card draw. Ante up.

Clay takes the empty chair, slaps down a wad of dollar bills,
a bottle of bourbon.

CLAY
Texas currency. Real liquor. None
of that cactus crap.

JESUS
We'll take your money, amigo. Not
your insults.

Liv sets a glass before Clay, puts a hand on the Bourbon.

LIV
Corkage is two thousand pesos.

CLAY
A hundred dollars?

Liv peels a hundred dollar bill from his wad.

LIV
You can count. Good. It'll help
when you lose the rest.
(peels off a fifty)
Propina, gracias.
(to Fern, Spanish,
subtitled)
Take this idiot gringo's dollars.
Give him peso chips.

TIME DISSOLVE

The afternoon wears on. Cards FLICK. Chips CLINK. Bourbon
drains.

LONERS come and go. Manuel palm packets of coke and money
disappears below the counter. Jesús watches. So does Kit.

The room thins. The sun sets. Lights FLICKER on.

Magda stashes her bucket and mop, knots a scarf around her
neck, NODS goodnight as she leaves. Liv clears plates. Fern
restocks beers. More mezcal is poured.

Clay toys with his last chips, pours the last shot of bourbon.
Sits back. Swirls the amber liquid.

JESÚS
Who'd've thought? Just you and me,
amigo.

Clay smirks, tosses in his last five chips. Kit deals.

Clay: Nine and ten of Spades.

Jesús: a Queen of Diamonds and Jack of Clubs.

Kit burns, flops Jack and Eight of Spades, Four of Clubs.

Clay CHECKS. Jesús bets one chip.

Kit burns, turns Two of Diamonds. Jesús bets. Nothing
aggressive. Just insistent.

Clay stares at his cards. No help. Ten-high.

Kit burns, flips the River - Seven of Clubs. RAIN DRIPS like
Chinese torture. PLOP. PLOP. PLOP.

CLAY
What do you say we sweeten the pot?

JESÚS
I'm all ears.

CLAY
Family lawyer says if Jonas is
incapacitated, I'm his power of
attorney. Means I own half this
dump.

JESÚS
That supposed to scare me?

CLAY
Nope. Just means your headache's
got a Texas accent now.

JESÚS
Gringos bumbling around these streets
at night tend to have mishaps.

CLAY
I ain't bumbling. And, ain't no
love lost between me and my brother.
I just want what I'm owed.

Jesús downs a shot of mezcal, dips orange into the sal de
gusano, sucks on it long and hard. WATER DRIPS into buckets.

CLAY (CONT'D)
The señorita got it right. I can do
the math and I reckon what you've
got in that pile 'bout covers it.

JESÚS
Then it's settled.

Jesús slides his entire pile of chips into the center. Fern
takes them, converts them to stacked bills - dollars and pesos.
Sticks them in a bag, hands them to Clay. Clay stands, tosses
a chip to Kit. Jesús nods.

CLAY
Appreciate the hospitality.

KIT
Hope the walk home’s just as smooth.

Clay tips his hat, swaggers toward the door.

KIT (CONT'D)
(sotto)
This town don't drown you fast. It
swallows you slow.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary As rain pours outside, Liv prepares a buffet at El Milagro Perdido while tensions rise inside. Clay enters, boasting about his Texas roots and challenging Jesús to a high-stakes poker game, revealing his family connection to the bar's ownership. The game escalates with threats and bravado, culminating in Jesús betting all his chips. Clay wins, taking the money and leaving the bar with a sense of triumph, while Kit ominously warns him about the town's dangers.
Strengths
  • Tense atmosphere
  • Sharp dialogue
  • High stakes
  • Character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development in this specific scene

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively builds tension through dialogue, character interactions, and high stakes, keeping the audience engaged and intrigued. The setting, tone, and conflict are well-established, creating a compelling atmosphere.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of using a high-stakes poker game to reveal underlying conflicts and power struggles among the characters is engaging and well-executed.

Plot: 8.5

The plot is advanced significantly through the poker game, revealing key information about the characters' motivations, relationships, and conflicts. The scene effectively sets up future developments.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh take on the classic poker game setting, infusing it with cultural and power dynamics that add depth and authenticity to the characters' actions and dialogue.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-developed and their interactions during the poker game showcase their personalities, motivations, and conflicts. Each character's role in the scene is clear and contributes to the overall tension.

Character Changes: 7

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the interactions and conflicts hint at potential developments in the characters' arcs, setting the stage for future transformations.

Internal Goal: 9

Clay's internal goal is to assert his power and authority over Jesús, as well as to secure his claim to half of the cantina.

External Goal: 8

Clay's external goal is to win the poker game and establish his ownership of the cantina.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is high, with tensions escalating during the poker game and leading to a climactic confrontation between the characters. The power struggle and stakes are palpable.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting goals, power dynamics, and cultural differences creating obstacles for the characters.

High Stakes: 9

The high stakes of the poker game, both in terms of money and power, drive the tension and conflict in the scene, making every decision and interaction crucial for the characters.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by revealing crucial information, escalating conflicts, and setting up future events. It propels the narrative towards a climactic resolution.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting power dynamics, unexpected revelations, and tense confrontations between the characters.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around power, ownership, and cultural differences. Clay represents a brash, assertive American attitude, while Jesús embodies a more subtle, strategic Mexican approach.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes tension, anxiety, and defiance, keeping the audience emotionally engaged. The threatening undertones and character dynamics add emotional depth.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is sharp, tense, and effectively conveys the power dynamics and conflicts between the characters. It adds depth to the scene and enhances the suspense.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its high-stakes poker game, dynamic character interactions, and suspenseful atmosphere.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a gradual buildup of tension and suspense leading to a climactic confrontation.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of the scene is well-executed, with clear scene descriptions, character actions, and dialogue cues.

Structure: 9

The scene follows a clear and engaging structure, with a buildup of tension and conflict leading to a satisfying resolution.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension through the poker game, using the stakes of the game to parallel the larger conflicts at play. However, the dialogue could be sharpened to enhance character differentiation. For instance, Clay's dialogue feels somewhat generic and could benefit from more unique phrasing that reflects his personality and background.
  • The use of visual elements, such as the rain and the setting of El Milagro Perdido, adds to the atmosphere, but the scene could be more dynamic. Consider incorporating more physical actions or reactions from the characters to break up the dialogue-heavy sections and maintain visual interest.
  • The transition from the previous scene to this one is somewhat abrupt. While the time dissolve indicates a passage of time, it might be beneficial to include a brief moment that highlights the emotional state of Liv or the tension in the bar as the game progresses. This would help to bridge the scenes more smoothly.
  • The stakes of the poker game are introduced well, but the implications of Clay's claim to ownership could be more explicitly tied to Liv's emotional journey. As she has just faced a confrontation with Clay, her internal conflict regarding her safety and the bar's future could be more pronounced in her reactions during the game.
  • The ending line from Kit about the town swallowing you slow is a strong thematic statement, but it could be more impactful if it were foreshadowed earlier in the scene. Perhaps Kit could have a moment of reflection or a line that hints at the dangers of the town before the poker game begins.
Suggestions
  • Revise Clay's dialogue to make it more distinctive and reflective of his character. Consider using regional slang or specific references that align with his Texas roots.
  • Incorporate more physical actions or reactions from Liv and the other characters during the poker game to create a more dynamic scene. This could include nervous habits, glances exchanged, or even the way they handle their drinks.
  • Add a brief moment of reflection for Liv at the beginning of the scene to connect her emotional state to the unfolding events. This could be a visual cue or a line of dialogue that hints at her anxiety about Clay's presence.
  • Consider foreshadowing Kit's final line earlier in the scene to enhance its impact. This could be done through a conversation about the town's dangers or a moment where Kit observes the tension in the room.
  • Explore the possibility of adding a moment where Liv reacts to the stakes of the poker game, perhaps showing her concern for the bar's future or her own safety, to deepen the emotional stakes of the scene.



Scene 51 -  Fleeting Glory
EXT. EL MILAGRO PERDIDO – CONTINUOUS

Clay walks out. Cobblestones gleam, wet and slippery. Clay
slings the bag over his shoulder, walks away, WHISTLES Eve
Young's "Silver Dollar."

Behind him, Liv follows at a distance.

INT. EL MILAGRO PERDIDO

Jesús pours mezcal. Kit rolls the chip across his knuckles.

KIT
That was charitable. You could have
taken his boots too.

JESÚS
A man walks taller when he thinks
he's won something.

Fern clears the table.

FERN
And when he finds out different?

KIT
He doubles down on stupid.

FERN
You want me to handle him?

JESÚS
He’ll dig his own grave if you give
him a shovel.

Kit raises his glass slightly, a toast without a smile.

KIT
Hope he’s got a strong back.

Outside, a bottle rocket WHOOSHES up into the sky — a burst
of gold that fades fast into nothing.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary Clay leaves El Milagro Perdido, whistling as Liv follows him, hinting at their connection. Inside, Jesús, Kit, and Fern discuss a man's misguided sense of victory after a charitable act, with Jesús predicting his self-sabotage and Kit cynically toasting to his downfall. The scene contrasts the celebratory sound of a bottle rocket with the somber reflections on the consequences of their actions, ultimately highlighting the ephemeral nature of success.
Strengths
  • Tense atmosphere
  • Effective dialogue
  • High stakes
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development in this specific scene

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively builds tension and suspense through the interactions between characters, setting up a conflict that promises future developments.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a high-stakes poker game leading to ownership conflicts adds depth to the narrative and sets up future plot developments.

Plot: 8.5

The plot advances significantly in this scene, introducing new conflicts and raising the stakes for the characters involved.

Originality: 8.5

The scene introduces familiar criminal archetypes but adds a fresh perspective through nuanced character interactions and subtle power dynamics. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue enhances the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-developed, with clear motivations and conflicting interests that drive the tension in the scene.

Character Changes: 7

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the interactions set the stage for potential transformations in the future.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to maintain a facade of confidence and control, even when faced with potential threats or challenges. This reflects their deeper need for validation and respect in their criminal world.

External Goal: 7.5

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to assert dominance and power over others, showcasing their authority and influence in the criminal underworld.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is intense and palpable, with high stakes and the potential for violence adding to the tension.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with characters facing internal and external conflicts that challenge their beliefs and actions.

High Stakes: 9

The high stakes of the poker game and the potential ownership conflicts add tension and urgency to the scene.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward significantly, introducing new conflicts and raising the stakes for the characters involved.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the characters' ambiguous motives and the potential for unexpected betrayals or alliances.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between the idea of perceived strength and actual vulnerability. Characters like Jesús and Kit believe in projecting power, but there is an underlying fear of being exposed or outmaneuvered.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from anxiety to determination, as the characters navigate the escalating conflict.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue effectively conveys the escalating conflict between Clay and Jesús, adding depth to their characters and setting up future confrontations.

Engagement: 8.5

This scene is engaging because of the dynamic character interactions, subtle tension, and foreshadowing of future conflicts.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a balance of dialogue and action that maintains tension and keeps the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with proper scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 9

The scene follows the expected structure for a crime drama genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm contribute to its effectiveness.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the tension and foreboding atmosphere following Clay's victory in the poker game. The imagery of the wet cobblestones and the sound of the bottle rocket create a vivid backdrop that enhances the emotional stakes.
  • The dialogue between Kit, Jesús, and Fern is sharp and reveals their perspectives on Clay's character and the situation at hand. However, it could benefit from more subtext to deepen the conflict. For instance, exploring their personal stakes in the outcome of Clay's actions could add layers to their interactions.
  • The use of the bottle rocket as a visual metaphor for fleeting triumph is a strong choice, but it could be more explicitly tied to the characters' emotions. Consider having a character comment on the symbolism of the rocket to reinforce its significance.
  • The pacing of the scene feels slightly rushed. While the dialogue is snappy, allowing for a moment of silence or reflection after Clay leaves could heighten the tension and give the audience a moment to absorb the implications of his actions.
  • The transition from the exterior to the interior of El Milagro Perdido is smooth, but it might be more impactful to linger on Clay's departure before cutting to the bar. This would emphasize the weight of his exit and the uncertainty it brings.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a line or two of dialogue that hints at the characters' personal stakes in the situation with Clay, which would deepen the emotional resonance of their conversation.
  • Incorporate a moment of silence or a reflective comment after Clay leaves to allow the audience to feel the tension and uncertainty that his actions have created.
  • Explore the symbolism of the bottle rocket further by having a character comment on it, reinforcing its connection to the themes of fleeting success and impending downfall.
  • Slow down the pacing slightly to give the audience time to absorb the implications of Clay's victory and the characters' reactions to it.
  • Enhance the visual imagery by describing the expressions or body language of the characters as they discuss Clay, which would add depth to their emotional responses.



Scene 52 -  High Stakes Negotiation
INT. CLAY'S HOTEL - NIGHT

Clay WHISTLES down the hallway, key in hand. Unlocks the door.

CLAY'S HOTEL ROOM

Clay tosses the bag of money onto the bed. Goes into the
bathroom. O.S. Sound of URINATING. A TAP on the door.

LIV (O.S.)
(Spanish, subtitled)
Turn down service, señor.

Clay walks back into the room, shirt undone.

CLAY
No, gracias.

Another KNOCK. Clay cracks open the door.

LIV
(pointing a gun)
Didn't think you were getting rid of
me that easy, did you?

Clay backs up fast. Liv walks in, gun unwavering.

LIV (CONT'D)
I'm not here for your "winnings."
I just need you to sign over Jonas's
half of the bar. Seeing as you're
power of attorney and all.

CLAY
For that, I'd need actual paperwork.

Liv pulls a deed out of her bag.

LIV
Think I came unprepared?

CLAY
That shit don't count unless it's
notarized.

LIV
Which is why you're meeting me
tomorrow. At the wizard's house.

CLAY
And if I don't?

LIV
Then you risk a series of unfortunate
mishaps. Muggings. Beatings. Or
maybe... up to your neck in sand...
ants taking turns nibbling your
eyelids. San Miguel's got options.

CLAY
You've made your point. Let's get
it done so I can leave this podunk
piss hole.

LIV
I'll be sure to pass your compliments
on to the tourist board.

Liv picks a pad and pen off the desk, scribbles an address,
tosses it to him.

LIV (CONT'D)
Google it. Ten AM. Don't be late.

She backs out. Door CLICKS shut.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In a tense hotel room confrontation, Clay is confronted by Liv, who demands he sign over Jonas's half of the bar at gunpoint. Despite his reluctance and insistence on proper notarization, Liv threatens him with dire consequences if he refuses. The scene culminates with Liv leaving after setting a meeting for the next day, highlighting the power struggle and urgency of the situation.
Strengths
  • Intense confrontation between Liv and Clay
  • Sharp and impactful dialogue
  • High level of tension and suspense
Weaknesses
  • Some cliched elements in the dialogue
  • Predictable outcome of the confrontation

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene is well-crafted with a high level of tension, strong character dynamics, and significant plot development. The dialogue is impactful, and the stakes are raised effectively.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a high-stakes confrontation between Liv and Clay is compelling and well-executed. The scene effectively explores power dynamics and the consequences of betrayal.

Plot: 8.5

The plot of the scene is crucial in advancing the story, as Liv confronts Clay to secure Jonas's share of the bar. The conflict between the characters drives the narrative forward.

Originality: 9

The scene is original in its depiction of a tense negotiation between two characters in a dangerous setting. The dialogue feels authentic and the actions of the characters are unpredictable, keeping the audience engaged.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Liv and Clay are well-developed and their interactions are intense and engaging. Liv's assertiveness and Clay's arrogance create a dynamic confrontation.

Character Changes: 8

Liv undergoes a significant change in the scene, asserting her power and standing up to Clay. This confrontation marks a turning point for her character.

Internal Goal: 8

Clay's internal goal in this scene is to protect himself and his interests while navigating a dangerous situation. This reflects his deeper need for survival and self-preservation.

External Goal: 9

Clay's external goal is to handle the legal matters regarding his deceased partner's share of the bar. This reflects the immediate challenge he is facing in the scene.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between Liv and Clay is intense and high-stakes, driving the tension of the scene. The power struggle and threats increase the level of conflict significantly.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Liv presenting a clear threat to Clay's safety and interests. The audience is left unsure of how Clay will navigate the situation.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in the scene, as Liv confronts Clay to protect her interests and secure Jonas's share of the bar. The outcome of this confrontation will have significant consequences.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward significantly, as Liv takes action to secure Jonas's share of the bar and confronts Clay. The resolution of this conflict will have lasting implications for the plot.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists and turns in the negotiation between Clay and Liv. The audience is kept guessing about the outcome.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between Clay's desire to protect himself and Liv's determination to assert her power and control over him. This challenges Clay's beliefs about loyalty and self-preservation.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene has a strong emotional impact, as Liv confronts Clay with determination and resolve. The tension and danger evoke a range of emotions in the audience.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue in the scene is sharp, threatening, and impactful, adding depth to the characters and heightening the tension. The exchanges between Liv and Clay are particularly strong.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the high stakes, sharp dialogue, and unpredictable actions of the characters. The tension keeps the audience on the edge of their seats.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is fast-paced and tense, with a rhythm that keeps the audience engaged and on the edge of their seats. The dialogue drives the scene forward effectively.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of the scene is clear and concise, following the expected format for a dialogue-heavy scene in a screenplay.

Structure: 9

The structure of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, following the expected format for a dramatic confrontation in a screenplay.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes tension through Liv's unexpected entrance and her assertive demeanor with the gun. This creates an immediate sense of danger and urgency, which is crucial for maintaining audience engagement.
  • Clay's character is portrayed as somewhat dismissive and arrogant, which contrasts well with Liv's determination. However, his dialogue could benefit from more depth to enhance his motivations and make him a more compelling antagonist. Currently, he feels a bit one-dimensional.
  • The use of humor in Liv's threats (e.g., 'up to your neck in sand... ants taking turns nibbling your eyelids') adds a unique flavor to the scene, but it risks undermining the tension. Balancing humor with the gravity of the situation is essential to maintain the scene's stakes.
  • The dialogue flows well, but there are moments where it could be tightened for greater impact. For instance, Clay's response about needing notarized paperwork could be more concise to keep the pacing brisk.
  • The setting of Clay's hotel room is established quickly, but it could be enhanced with more sensory details to immerse the audience further. Describing the room's atmosphere, such as its smell or decor, could add layers to the scene.
  • Liv's confidence is well portrayed, but her emotional state could be explored more deeply. Adding internal thoughts or a brief flashback could provide context for her motivations and heighten the emotional stakes.
  • The scene ends abruptly with Liv backing out and the door clicking shut. While this can create a sense of finality, it might benefit from a moment of reflection or a lingering shot on Clay's reaction to emphasize the tension and uncertainty of the situation.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a line or two of internal monologue for Liv to convey her emotional state and motivations, which would deepen her character and enhance audience connection.
  • Revise Clay's dialogue to include more nuanced responses that reflect his personality and motivations, making him a more complex antagonist.
  • Balance the humor in Liv's threats with the seriousness of the situation to maintain tension. Perhaps use humor sparingly to punctuate moments rather than dominate the dialogue.
  • Enhance the sensory details of the hotel room to create a more vivid setting. Describe the lighting, sounds, or even the feeling of the air to immerse the audience in the scene.
  • Consider extending the scene's conclusion to include a moment of silence or a close-up on Clay's face after Liv leaves, allowing the audience to feel the weight of the confrontation.



Scene 53 -  Rooftop Reflections and Reluctant Agreements
EXT. SAN MIGUEL DE ALLENDE - ROOFTOP - NIGHT

Fireworks CRACK across the sky. A cigarette glows in the dark.

KIT
People don’t get buried all at once.
It's slow. Like that frog in a pot
of water heating up one degree at a
time. You say yes, when you mean
no. You stay when you should go.
You look the other way long enough,
you forget which way's forward.

A firework BURSTS into a waterfall of silver sparkles.

KIT (CONT'D)
Funny how folks come here thinking
they'll find something. Peace.
Escape. Reinvention.
(MORE)

KIT (CONT'D)
All they find is themselves. Same
mess. Different scenery.

He takes a drag. Watches a red burst arc across the sky.

KIT (CONT’D) (CONT'D)
This town doesn’t kill you. It just
shows you who you are. The rest...
That's on you.

INT. KIT’S APARTMENT - MORNING

Window open. A notary stamp rests next to a mug of coffee.
Liv sits at the small table. Kit paces behind her. DOOR BUZZES.

KIT
Showtime.

Kit presses the buzzer. A beat later, Clay swaggers in,
hungover and sweaty.

CLAY
How'd I know this isn’t a setup?

KIT
It is. Just fewer bullets.

Clay eyes the table. The deed. The notary stamp.

CLAY
You're a notary?

KIT
And a helluva wedding officiant.

LIV
Enough chit chat. Sign.

CLAY
Mighty pushy for someone with a
missing husband nobody's bothered to
report.

LIV
How many times do I have to spell it
out? This isn't Texas, ToTo.

KIT
Children. Please.

Kit uncaps the pen. Places it between them like a weapon.

KIT (CONT’D) (CONT'D)
Sign and go. Or stick around and
roll the dice.

Clay stares. His fingers twitch. He picks up the pen. Signs.

KIT (CONT’D) (CONT'D)
Initial there. And there.

Clay does, shakily. No fight left.

KIT (CONT’D) (CONT'D)
Raise your right hand.

CLAY
What the fuck?

Clay hesitates. Kit just looks at him.

KIT (CONT’D)
You swear the signature's yours.
Your mind sound, and no one's pointing
a gun at you?

CLAY
The last part's debatable.

KIT
Good enough.

Kit stamps the document. A clean, satisfying CHUNK.

KIT (CONT’D) (CONT'D)
Congratulations. You're officially
expendable.

Clay pushes up from the chair, stands.

LIV
One more thing. I've got an SUV for
sale. Could take you far and fast.

CLAY
Price?

LIV
For you? A killer deal. My house.
Tonight at ten.

CLAY
I'm fixin' to be gone by then.

LIV
Suit yourself.

Clay exits. Door closes behind him. Kit pours coffee for him
and Liv.

KIT
Well... Now we see how smart he is.

Liv LAUGHS, CLINKS mugs with Kit, toys with her locket.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary On a rooftop in San Miguel de Allende, Kit contemplates the town's role in revealing one's true self rather than facilitating change. The next morning, in his apartment, he and Liv confront a hungover Clay, pressuring him to sign a document that acknowledges his expendability. Despite his reluctance and suspicion, Clay ultimately complies, highlighting his lack of options. Liv hints at his need to leave quickly by offering him an SUV. The scene concludes with Kit and Liv sharing a moment of camaraderie after Clay exits, underscoring the tension and inevitability of their situation.
Strengths
  • Intense dialogue
  • High emotional impact
  • Strong character development
  • Tension-building
Weaknesses
  • Possible lack of clarity on the resolution of the conflict

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene is well-crafted, with intense dialogue, high emotional impact, and significant character development. The tension is palpable, and the stakes are raised effectively.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of a confrontation between Liv and Clay over ownership of the bar is compelling and drives the scene forward with high stakes and emotional intensity.

Plot: 9

The plot advances significantly in this scene as Liv confronts Clay and takes action to secure her position. The conflict is central to the storyline and propels the narrative forward.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces fresh and compelling characters, presents a unique setting, and explores themes of identity and power in a nuanced way.


Character Development

Characters: 9.5

The characters of Liv and Clay are well-developed in this scene, with their motivations, strengths, and vulnerabilities coming to the forefront. The dynamic between them is complex and engaging.

Character Changes: 9

Both Liv and Clay undergo significant changes in this scene, with Liv asserting her strength and determination, while Clay experiences a shift in power dynamics.

Internal Goal: 8

Kit's internal goal is to assert his control and authority over the situation, showcasing his confidence and cunning nature. This reflects his deeper desire for power and independence.

External Goal: 7

Kit's external goal is to finalize a deal with Clay and Liv, demonstrating his ability to manipulate and negotiate effectively.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9.5

The conflict between Liv and Clay is intense and multi-layered, with high stakes and emotional investment from both characters. The tension keeps the audience engaged.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting motivations and hidden agendas creating a sense of uncertainty and tension.

High Stakes: 10

The stakes are high in this scene, as Liv and Clay confront each other over ownership of the bar. The outcome has significant consequences for both characters.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward by resolving a major conflict and setting up new challenges for the characters. It advances the plot and keeps the narrative engaging.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable due to the shifting power dynamics, unexpected twists, and complex character motivations.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict revolves around the themes of identity and morality, as Kit challenges Clay to confront his own choices and actions.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9.3

The scene evokes strong emotions from the audience, as Liv and Clay face off in a high-stakes confrontation. The tension and drama create a powerful impact.

Dialogue: 9.2

The dialogue is sharp, tense, and impactful, revealing the characters' emotions and intentions. It drives the conflict and adds depth to the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its suspenseful atmosphere, dynamic character interactions, and intriguing plot developments.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the characters' fates.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene's formatting adheres to the expected format for its genre, enhancing readability and clarity.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a well-paced structure, effectively building tension and revealing character dynamics.


Critique
  • The scene effectively juxtaposes Kit's philosophical musings about life and self-discovery with the tense negotiation between Liv and Clay. This contrast adds depth to the narrative, highlighting the themes of reinvention and the harsh realities of their situations.
  • Kit's dialogue is rich and metaphorical, particularly the frog analogy, which serves as a powerful metaphor for complacency and the slow erosion of one's spirit. However, it may benefit from a slight tightening to maintain the audience's engagement without losing the poetic quality.
  • The transition from the rooftop to Kit's apartment is smooth, but the pacing could be improved. The fireworks create a celebratory atmosphere that contrasts sharply with the tension in the apartment, which is effective, but the shift could be more pronounced to enhance the emotional stakes.
  • Clay's character is introduced with a sense of skepticism and bravado, which is fitting given his situation. However, his dialogue could be more layered to reflect his internal conflict about the situation, rather than just being defensive. This would make him a more complex antagonist.
  • The use of the notary stamp as a symbol of finality and authority is clever, but the scene could benefit from more visual cues that emphasize the stakes involved in the signing. For instance, showing Liv's anxious body language or Kit's intense focus could heighten the tension.
  • The humor in Kit's lines, particularly about being a wedding officiant, provides a nice contrast to the otherwise serious tone. However, it might be more impactful if the humor was used sparingly to maintain the scene's tension.
  • The final moments of camaraderie between Kit and Liv are a nice touch, but they could be expanded to show more of their relationship dynamic. This would provide a stronger emotional payoff after the tense negotiation with Clay.
Suggestions
  • Consider tightening Kit's philosophical dialogue to maintain engagement while preserving its poetic nature.
  • Enhance the emotional stakes by incorporating more visual cues that reflect Liv's anxiety and Kit's intensity during the negotiation.
  • Layer Clay's dialogue to reveal more of his internal conflict, making him a more complex character rather than just a defensive antagonist.
  • Use humor more sparingly to maintain the scene's tension, ensuring that it doesn't detract from the gravity of the situation.
  • Expand on the final moments between Kit and Liv to deepen their relationship dynamic, providing a stronger emotional resolution to the scene.



Scene 54 -  New Beginnings
INT. FERN'S APARTMENT – AFTERNOON

Fern cranks out sit-ups, counting.

FERN
(Spanish, subtitled) *
Two fifty. Two fifty-one.

A KNOCK.

He cracks the door, topless. Liv stands there, admiring.

FERN (CONT'D)
You come to yell at me again?

LIV
(kissing him)
Nope. Came to celebrate.

Fern opens the door wider. Liv steps in.

FERN
What we celebrating?

LIV
The bar’s mine. Legally. No monkey
business.

He hands her a glass of orange juice. They toast.

LIV (CONT'D)
To... New beginnings. Maybe even
love.

Fern watches her. Like he’s afraid to break the moment.

FERN
You sure you want that?

LIV
More than anything.

He sets his glass down. Pulls her to him. They kiss. No rush.

FERN
You and me, Liv. Whatever comes.

LIV
Next, we talk to Jesús. But, first
this.

She pulls her dress off. Her locket falls between her breasts.
Genres: ["Drama","Romance"]

Summary In Fern's apartment, he is interrupted from his workout by Liv, who arrives to celebrate her legal ownership of the bar. They toast with orange juice, discussing love and new beginnings. Despite Fern's concerns about their relationship, Liv reassures him of her feelings, leading to a heartfelt kiss. The moment intensifies as Liv removes her dress, revealing a locket that falls between her breasts, symbolizing their deepening connection.
Strengths
  • Intimate character interactions
  • Authentic emotional portrayal
  • Exploration of new beginnings and love
Weaknesses
  • Limited plot progression
  • Low external conflict

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys a sense of intimacy and hope for the future through the interactions between Liv and Fern. The dialogue and actions reveal a shift in their relationship dynamics, setting the stage for potential character development and plot progression.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of celebrating new beginnings and the potential for love adds depth to the scene, providing a glimpse into the characters' emotional journeys. The focus on intimacy and personal connection is a key aspect of the concept.

Plot: 7.5

While the scene does not significantly advance the main plot, it serves as a pivotal moment in the relationship between Liv and Fern. The introduction of romance and the exploration of new beginnings hint at potential developments in the overall story.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh take on the theme of love and commitment, exploring the protagonist's internal struggles in a unique and compelling way. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The scene effectively showcases the evolving dynamics between Liv and Fern, highlighting their vulnerabilities, desires, and potential for growth. The characters are portrayed with depth and authenticity, drawing the audience into their emotional journey.

Character Changes: 7

Both Liv and Fern experience a shift in their relationship dynamics and emotional states during the scene. Liv expresses her desire for new beginnings and love, while Fern shows a willingness to embrace change and connection.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to confront his fears and desires for love and commitment. He is hesitant and unsure, but ultimately willing to take a chance.

External Goal: 7.5

The protagonist's external goal is to secure ownership of the bar without any illegal activities. This reflects his desire for a fresh start and legitimacy in his business dealings.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 3

The scene is low on conflict, focusing more on the emotional connection between Liv and Fern. The tension arises from their personal vulnerabilities and desires rather than external conflicts.

Opposition: 7.5

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create conflict and uncertainty, but not overwhelming. The audience is left wondering how the characters will navigate their challenges and relationships.

High Stakes: 4

The stakes in the scene are relatively low, centered on the personal and emotional growth of the characters. The focus is more on internal conflicts and desires rather than external threats or challenges.

Story Forward: 6

While the scene does not significantly move the main plot forward, it sets the stage for potential developments in Liv and Fern's relationship. The focus on personal growth and emotional connection hints at future narrative arcs.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the protagonist's internal conflict and the uncertain outcome of his relationship with Liv. The audience is left wondering how their dynamic will evolve and what choices the protagonist will make.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the protagonist's fear of love and commitment versus his desire for a new beginning and genuine connection with Liv. It challenges his beliefs about relationships and trust.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, drawing the audience into the intimate moment between Liv and Fern. The vulnerability and authenticity of the characters evoke empathy and connection, resonating on an emotional level.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue in the scene is intimate and authentic, reflecting the emotional connection between Liv and Fern. The conversations reveal their hopes, fears, and desires, adding depth to their characters and relationship.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the emotional depth and tension between the characters, as well as the uncertainty surrounding their relationship and future. The dialogue and interactions draw the audience in and keep them invested in the story.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and emotional depth, with a gradual escalation of conflict and resolution. The rhythm of the dialogue and action enhances the scene's impact.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is well-executed, with clear scene headings, dialogue, and action descriptions that enhance the readability and flow of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the effectiveness of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures a moment of intimacy and celebration between Liv and Fern, which is a nice contrast to the tension and conflict that precedes it. However, the transition from the previous scene to this one feels abrupt. The emotional weight of the previous scene could be better reflected in Liv's demeanor as she enters Fern's apartment, perhaps showing a hint of vulnerability or relief rather than immediate celebration.
  • Fern's character is portrayed as supportive and somewhat hesitant, which is good for building tension in their relationship. However, his line 'You sure you want that?' could be expanded to provide more depth. This moment could serve as an opportunity for him to express his fears or doubts about their future together, adding complexity to his character and the relationship dynamic.
  • The dialogue is generally strong, but it could benefit from more subtext. For example, when Liv says, 'More than anything,' it feels a bit on-the-nose. Instead, consider having her express her feelings through actions or more nuanced dialogue that hints at her internal struggles and desires.
  • The physicality of the scene is engaging, especially with Liv removing her dress. However, the moment could be enhanced by incorporating more sensory details. Describing the atmosphere, the sounds, or even the feel of the orange juice could create a more immersive experience for the audience.
  • The scene ends on a somewhat abrupt note with Liv pulling off her dress. While this is a significant moment, it might benefit from a more gradual build-up to the climax of intimacy. Consider adding a few more lines of dialogue or actions that deepen their connection before this moment, allowing the audience to feel the weight of their relationship.
Suggestions
  • Add a brief moment of reflection for Liv as she enters Fern's apartment, allowing her to process the events leading to this celebration. This could help bridge the emotional gap between the previous scene and this one.
  • Expand on Fern's hesitation by having him articulate his concerns about their relationship or the implications of Liv's newfound ownership of the bar. This could create a richer dialogue and deepen their connection.
  • Incorporate more subtext in Liv's dialogue to convey her feelings without stating them outright. This could involve using metaphors or references to their past experiences together.
  • Enhance the sensory details in the scene to create a more vivid atmosphere. Describe the sounds of the apartment, the taste of the orange juice, or the warmth of the moment to draw the audience in.
  • Consider extending the scene slightly to allow for a more gradual build-up to the intimate moment. This could involve additional dialogue or actions that reinforce their emotional connection before the physical intimacy occurs.



Scene 55 -  Unraveling Secrets
EXT. KIT’S APARTMENT – AFTERNOON

Clay bangs on Kit's door. No answer. Clay jimmies the lock
with a credit card. Door CREAKS open.

INT. KIT'S APARTMENT - CONTINUOUS

It's quiet. Dust motes swirl in hot light. Clay CLICKS the
door closed, scans the room.

He moves through the apartment — slow, suspicious, resentful.

ON A SIDE TABLE: Old Polaroid: Kit younger, sunburned, in
fatigues — next to men with guns and hard eyes. Insignia: CIA
special division.

ON A SHELF: B&W wedding photo. Kit and his Mexican wife.
Tucked behind the frame - a faded clipping: "Maria Luisa
Hendrix Herrera. Beloved wife, warrior, dreamer. 1980-2015."

In front of the frame is a small box. Clay opens it.
INSIDE: gold wedding band. He picks it up, sees an inscription.

CLAY
(reading)
"J plus L. Forever." Why do you
have my brother's wedding ring?

He pockets the ring. He moves to the small desk. Rifles through
papers, notebooks.

CLAY (CONT'D)
C'mon papers you gotta be here.

He finds the small sack bag. Opens it. The severed pink falls
out. Clay drops it on the floor. Dances like a teenage girl
with a mouse at his feet.

CLAY (CONT'D)
Goddamn it, Jonas... That's some
sweetheart of a wife you got. And,
she's gonna' pay.
Genres: ["Thriller","Drama"]

Summary Clay forcibly enters Kit's apartment, driven by suspicion and resentment. As he searches the space, he uncovers a Polaroid of Kit in military attire, a wedding photo with his deceased wife Maria, and a box containing his brother's wedding ring, which he pockets after reading its inscription. His anger intensifies when he finds a severed pink, leading him to blame Kit's wife for her actions. The scene is filled with tension and a sense of betrayal as Clay grapples with the implications of Kit's past and vows to confront his brother's wife.
Strengths
  • Building suspense
  • Revealing hidden motives
  • Creating tension
Weaknesses
  • Potential lack of clarity in some character motivations

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively builds suspense and reveals crucial information about the characters' motivations. The dark tone and threatening atmosphere keep the audience engaged.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of family secrets, revenge, and hidden motives is effectively explored in the scene. The discovery of the severed pinky adds a unique and chilling element to the storyline.

Plot: 8.5

The plot advances significantly in this scene, with the revelation of Clay's vengeful intentions and the threat he poses to Liv. The stakes are raised, and the conflict intensifies.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces unique elements such as the protagonist's brother's mysterious death, the CIA involvement, and the Mexican wife, adding layers to the story. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue enhances the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters' motivations and relationships are further developed in this scene, particularly Clay's vengeful nature and Liv's determination to protect herself. The dynamic between them adds depth to the story.

Character Changes: 7

Clay's character undergoes a change as his vengeful motives are revealed, showcasing his darker side. Liv's character also evolves as she confronts Clay and asserts her dominance.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to uncover the truth about his brother's marriage and the mysterious circumstances surrounding his death. This reflects his deeper need for closure, his fear of betrayal, and his desire for justice.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to find evidence that will lead him to his brother's killer. This reflects the immediate challenge he is facing in seeking revenge and justice for his brother's death.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is high, with Clay's vengeful intentions and Liv's determination to protect herself creating a tense and threatening atmosphere. The stakes are raised significantly.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing obstacles in his search for the truth and his quest for revenge. The uncertainty of the outcome adds to the tension and suspense.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes in the scene are high, with Liv's safety and Clay's vengeful intentions creating a sense of danger and urgency. The threat of revenge adds a layer of suspense to the storyline.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by revealing crucial information about the characters' pasts and motivations. The conflict escalates, setting the stage for future developments.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists and revelations, such as the discovery of the severed pinky and the protagonist's reaction. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of what will happen next.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the protagonist's struggle between seeking justice and succumbing to revenge. This challenges his beliefs about morality, loyalty, and the consequences of his actions.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a strong emotional response from the audience, with the threat of revenge and Liv's vulnerability creating tension and suspense. The discovery of the severed pinky adds a chilling element.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue effectively conveys the tension and threat in the scene, with Clay's resentful tone and Liv's assertiveness adding to the conflict. The dialogue drives the plot forward.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense atmosphere, mysterious elements, and the protagonist's compelling journey to uncover the truth. The tension and suspense keep the audience invested in the story.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and suspense gradually, leading to a climactic moment of discovery and revelation. The rhythm of the scene keeps the audience engaged and invested in the story.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings, action lines, and character dialogue. The visual descriptions and character actions are well-defined.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness in building tension and suspense.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension through Clay's invasive actions and his emotional turmoil regarding his brother's death. However, the pacing could be improved; the transition from Clay's entrance to his discovery of the severed pinky feels abrupt. A more gradual build-up of his emotional state could enhance the impact of the revelations.
  • Clay's character is portrayed as suspicious and resentful, which is effective, but his motivations could be clearer. Why is he so determined to confront Kit? Adding a line or two that hints at his emotional stakes or backstory could deepen his character and make the audience more invested in his actions.
  • The visual elements, such as the Polaroid and wedding photo, are strong symbols that convey Kit's past and the weight of his relationships. However, the significance of the severed pinky could be more explicitly tied to the narrative. A brief moment of reflection from Clay on what this means could heighten the emotional stakes.
  • The dialogue is sparse, which works well for the tension, but it might benefit from a few more lines that reveal Clay's internal conflict. For instance, a line expressing his anger or confusion about his brother's situation could add depth to his character and make his actions more relatable.
  • The scene ends on a darkly comedic note with Clay's reaction to the severed pinky, which is effective but may undermine the gravity of the situation. Balancing the humor with the seriousness of the discovery could create a more cohesive tone.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment where Clay reflects on his brother's death before he discovers the severed pinky. This could provide context for his anger and make his subsequent actions more impactful.
  • Introduce a line or two of internal monologue or dialogue that reveals Clay's motivations for confronting Kit. This could help the audience understand his emotional stakes and create a stronger connection to his character.
  • Enhance the significance of the severed pinky by including a brief moment where Clay contemplates its meaning. This could deepen the emotional weight of the discovery and tie it more closely to the narrative.
  • Incorporate a few more lines of dialogue that express Clay's feelings about his brother and the situation. This could add depth to his character and make his actions more relatable to the audience.
  • Reassess the balance between humor and seriousness in the scene's conclusion. Consider whether the comedic element serves the overall tone of the story or if it detracts from the gravity of the moment.



Scene 56 -  Strategic Alliances
INT. LA SOMBRA CANTINA - BACK ROOM - EARLY EVENING

Small, dark, humid. OLD MEN play dominoes. A jukebox spins
"EL TRISTE" by Jose Jose low in the B.G.

Liv and Fern step inside. Eyes shift toward them. Behind the
bar, Luis tips his head toward a back door.

LIV
Gracias.

BACK ROOM

Liv and Fern enter. Jesús sits alone. A bottle of mezcal and
a chessboard, mid-game with no opponent. He gestures to chairs.

JESÚS
(Spanish, subtitled)
Sit. Speak.

Liv sits. Fern stays standing.

LIV
Clay signed over the bar. Stamped
and notarized.

JESÚS
And yet... you don't look happy.

FERN
Jonas put out a hit on us before he
disappeared.

JESÚS
A coward's final investment.

LIV
If Clay finds out... he'll think it
was us who retaliated.

JESÚS
Then it’s good you came. Better to
know who stands with you and who
wants to bury you. Who's at the bar
now?

FERN
Manuel's holding down the fort.
José and Kit are there, of course.

LIV
Don't forget Magda. She can kill
with a single look.

JESÚS
He won't do anything in public.
I'll send my men, but you won't see
them.

LIV
Hopefully, he'll buy the car and
leave. No drama. That'll pay the
first installment of my debt to you.

JESÚS
You don't owe me. Consider it an
investment in our future.

Liv stands, shakes Jesús's hand.

LIV
To be continued.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In the dim back room of La Sombra Cantina, Liv and Fern meet Jesús, who is playing chess alone. They discuss the recent transfer of bar ownership and the threat from Jonas, who has put a hit on them. Jesús reassures them about their safety and emphasizes the importance of their alliance, framing Liv's debt as an investment in their future. The scene ends with Liv shaking Jesús's hand, symbolizing trust and hope for what lies ahead.
Strengths
  • Tense atmosphere
  • Sharp dialogue
  • Complex character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Limited physical action
  • Reliance on dialogue for tension building

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively builds tension and sets up a crucial turning point in the story. The dialogue is sharp, and the character dynamics are well-developed, creating a sense of unease and anticipation.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a high-stakes negotiation in a dimly lit cantina adds depth to the story and highlights the characters' motivations and conflicts. The scene effectively conveys the risks and consequences of the characters' actions.

Plot: 8.5

The plot advances significantly in this scene, with key revelations and developments that impact the overall narrative. The negotiation between Liv, Fern, and Jesús sets the stage for future conflicts and resolutions.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh take on the familiar theme of betrayal and survival in a criminal underworld. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and add depth to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-defined and their interactions are compelling. Liv, Fern, and Jesús each bring their own motivations and conflicts to the negotiation, adding depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 9

The characters undergo subtle shifts in their dynamics and motivations during the negotiation, revealing new facets of their personalities and relationships. Liv, Fern, and Jesús all show different sides of themselves in the scene.

Internal Goal: 8

Liv's internal goal in this scene is to navigate the dangerous situation she and Fern are in without escalating tensions or putting themselves in further danger. This reflects her desire for survival and self-preservation.

External Goal: 7.5

The protagonist's external goal is to handle the fallout from a hit put on them by a rival before he disappeared. This reflects the immediate challenge they are facing in the scene.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is intense and multi-layered, with interpersonal tensions and external threats adding to the sense of danger and uncertainty. The negotiation is fraught with potential consequences for all involved.

Opposition: 7.5

The opposition in the scene is strong, with hidden motives, shifting allegiances, and potential betrayals. The audience is kept guessing about the characters' true intentions and loyalties.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes in the scene are high, with the characters facing potential danger and betrayal as they negotiate the future of the bar. The outcome of the negotiation will have far-reaching consequences for all involved.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward, introducing new conflicts, revelations, and developments that will impact the narrative. The negotiation between Liv, Fern, and Jesús sets the stage for future events.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting allegiances, hidden motives, and unspoken tensions between the characters. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how the situation will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around loyalty, trust, and survival. Liv and Fern must navigate a dangerous situation while trying to determine who they can trust and who may betray them.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from anxiety to determination, as the characters face off in a high-stakes negotiation. The tension and suspense create a palpable sense of unease and anticipation.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is sharp and impactful, revealing the characters' emotions and intentions. The exchanges between Liv, Fern, and Jesús are tense and revealing, driving the scene forward.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its tense atmosphere, authentic dialogue, and subtle character dynamics. The audience is drawn into the characters' dangerous situation and uncertain future.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and suspense, with well-timed reveals and character interactions. The rhythm of the dialogue adds to the overall atmosphere of the scene.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the effectiveness of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes a tense atmosphere, with the setting of La Sombra Cantina and the presence of old men playing dominoes contributing to a sense of danger and intrigue. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext to enhance the tension. For example, instead of directly stating that 'Jonas put out a hit on us,' Fern could express his concern in a more indirect way, allowing the audience to infer the threat.
  • Liv's character is portrayed as assertive and determined, but her emotional state could be further explored. The line 'Clay signed over the bar. Stamped and notarized' feels somewhat flat. Adding a moment of reflection or a hint of her internal conflict about the situation could deepen her character and make her more relatable.
  • Jesús's dialogue is insightful, but it could be more dynamic. His line about a 'coward's final investment' is intriguing, yet it lacks a strong emotional punch. Consider giving him a more personal stake in the situation, perhaps by referencing a past experience that relates to the current conflict, which would add depth to his character.
  • The pacing of the scene is generally good, but the transition from the bar to the back room could be smoother. A brief moment of tension or hesitation as they enter could heighten the stakes and make the audience more invested in their safety.
  • The ending line, 'To be continued,' feels somewhat abrupt and lacks the weight that the scene builds up to. A more impactful closing line that reflects Liv's determination or the gravity of their situation would leave the audience with a stronger impression.
Suggestions
  • Incorporate more subtext in the dialogue to convey tension and character emotions without stating them outright. This will engage the audience more deeply.
  • Explore Liv's emotional state further by adding internal conflict or reflection, making her character more relatable and complex.
  • Enhance Jesús's dialogue by giving him a personal connection to the situation, which would add depth and make his insights more impactful.
  • Create a more suspenseful transition into the back room, perhaps by showing Liv and Fern's apprehension or hesitation, to heighten the stakes.
  • Revise the final line to reflect the gravity of the situation, perhaps by having Liv express a determination or resolve that resonates with the audience.



Scene 57 -  Dusk in San Miguel
EXT. LA SOMBRA CANTINA - MOMENTS LATER

Liv and Fern exit, hop into

FERN'S TRUCK - MOVING

Fern starts up the engine. Drives down a dusty road.

LIV
Drop me off in town. You go see
what we need to buy for tomorrow.
I'll come to you after he's gone.

FERN
Are we still peso pinching?

Liv LAUGHS heartily, leans over to KISS Fern.

EXT. SAN MIGUEL DE ALLENDE – DUSK

The sun sets fire to buildings, cobblestones. Papel picados
FLUTTER overhead. LIV walks alone, carries a grocery bag.

A guitarist STRUMS "SABOR DE MI." Lovers argue quietly over
melted ice cream. A dog trots past, tail wagging.

Liv slows at the corner, glances back. Luis and Carlos lean
against a wall, pretending not to watch her. She turns.

EXT. JONAS & LIV'S TEMPORARY RESIDENCE – DUSK

A SHOVEL leans against her door. Liv glances around. The
NEIGHBOR across the street waves. Liv smiles.

LIV
Gracias!

She unlocks the door, picks up the shovel. Carries it inside.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary Liv and Fern share a playful moment as Fern drives Liv to town in her truck. After a light-hearted exchange, Liv steps into the vibrant atmosphere of San Miguel de Allende at dusk, where she notices Luis and Carlos watching her from a distance. Upon arriving at her temporary residence, she finds a shovel by her door, greets a neighbor, and takes the shovel inside, leaving an air of subtle tension as she senses being observed.
Strengths
  • Building tension
  • Character development
  • Atmospheric descriptions
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue could be more impactful

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively builds tension and mystery through its atmospheric descriptions and character interactions, keeping the audience engaged and curious about the unfolding events.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene revolves around mystery, danger, and personal agency, with Liv taking control of her situation in the face of potential threats.

Plot: 8.5

The plot of the scene is engaging and propels the story forward, introducing new conflicts and challenges for the characters to overcome.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces familiar themes of independence and community, but adds a fresh perspective through its cultural specificity and nuanced character interactions. The dialogue feels authentic and the setting is vividly portrayed.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters in the scene, particularly Liv, Fern, and Clay, are well-developed and their interactions add depth to the unfolding events.

Character Changes: 8

Liv undergoes a significant change in the scene, from a position of vulnerability to one of determination and agency as she confronts Clay and takes control of her situation.

Internal Goal: 8

Liv's internal goal is to maintain her independence and sense of self in the face of potential threats or unwanted attention from Luis and Carlos. She wants to assert her agency and autonomy.

External Goal: 7

Liv's external goal is to gather supplies for an upcoming event or task, while also navigating social interactions and potential dangers in her environment.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The scene is filled with conflict, both internal and external, as Liv faces off against Clay and navigates through a series of suspicious events.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create tension and conflict, but not overwhelming. Liv faces subtle challenges and potential threats that keep the audience engaged.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in the scene, as Liv confronts a potentially dangerous individual and takes steps to protect herself and her interests.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by introducing new conflicts, resolving existing ones, and setting the stage for future developments in the narrative.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the subtle hints of danger and intrigue, as well as the unresolved tensions between Liv and the other characters. The audience is left wondering about the outcome of these interactions.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

There is a conflict between Liv's desire for independence and the societal expectations or pressures placed on her as a woman in a traditional community. This challenges her beliefs about gender roles and autonomy.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a sense of unease and tension, keeping the audience emotionally invested in Liv's journey and the unfolding conflicts.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the emotions and intentions of the characters, adding to the overall tension and suspense.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its rich sensory details, subtle character dynamics, and underlying tension. The reader is drawn into Liv's world and invested in her journey.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-balanced, with a mix of action, dialogue, and descriptive passages that maintain the reader's interest and build suspense. The rhythm of the scene enhances its emotional impact.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to standard screenplay conventions, with clear scene headings, action lines, and dialogue formatting. The visual descriptions are concise and evocative.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with well-defined beats and transitions between locations. The pacing is effective in building tension and atmosphere.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the vibrant atmosphere of San Miguel de Allende at dusk, using sensory details like the fluttering papel picados and the strumming guitarist to create a lively backdrop. This helps ground the audience in the setting and enhances the emotional tone of the scene.
  • Liv's interaction with Fern is light-hearted and affectionate, showcasing their relationship's warmth. However, the transition from their playful moment to Liv's solitary walk could benefit from a stronger emotional anchor, perhaps by including a brief moment of reflection or concern on Liv's part as she leaves Fern.
  • The introduction of the shovel as a visual motif is intriguing and foreshadows potential conflict or danger. However, the scene could enhance its tension by providing a clearer emotional reaction from Liv upon seeing the shovel. Is she anxious, fearful, or resigned? This would deepen the audience's understanding of her state of mind.
  • The dialogue is natural and flows well, but it could be enriched by adding subtext or internal conflict. For instance, Liv could express a hint of worry about what she might find at home, which would create a stronger sense of anticipation for the audience.
  • The pacing of the scene is generally good, but the transition from the truck to Liv's walk could be smoother. Consider using a visual or auditory cue that connects the two moments more seamlessly, enhancing the flow of the narrative.
Suggestions
  • Add a brief moment of introspection for Liv as she leaves Fern, perhaps reflecting on the challenges ahead or her feelings about the situation with Jonas. This would create a stronger emotional connection for the audience.
  • Consider incorporating a more pronounced reaction from Liv when she sees the shovel, which could heighten the tension and foreshadow the conflict to come. This could be a physical reaction, like a gasp or a moment of hesitation.
  • Enhance the transition between the truck scene and Liv's walk by including a visual or auditory element that ties the two moments together, such as the sound of the truck fading into the background as Liv walks away.
  • Explore the use of subtext in Liv's dialogue with Fern. Adding a line that hints at her underlying worries or fears could create a richer emotional landscape and build suspense.
  • Consider using more descriptive language to convey the atmosphere of San Miguel de Allende, perhaps by incorporating more sensory details that evoke the sights, sounds, and smells of the town at dusk.



Scene 58 -  Confrontation in the Shadows
INT. JONAS & LIV’S TEMP RESIDENCE - KITCHEN - NIGHT

Dark. One lamp GLOWS. Liv drops her bags on the counter, takes
a bottle from her purse, sets it on the counter.

GARAGE

Liv props the shovel against the wall, pops the SUV trunk.
She inspects the mat... dried blood still visible. Not enough
to scream murder. Just enough to suggest it. She walks back
into the

HALLWAY

Props the door open a crack. And into the

LIVING ROOM

She settles into an armchair, mezcal on side table. Her hands
on the armrests, in one a glass, the other a pistol. O.S. a
KNOCK.

LIV
Door's open.

FOOTSTEPS. Clay steps into the room.

CLAY
This your idea of a killer deal?

LIV
Car's in the garage. It's American.
Should satisfy your patriotic tastes.

CLAY
How much?

LIV
Your fool brother paid asking price.
I'll sell it for twenty. A steal.

CLAY
So, you'll have me leave penniless.

LIV
Tell ya' what. You can keep a grand
to cover your gas and candy for the
road because I'm generous like that.

Clay walks out

GARAGE

Clay walks around the SUV like a car rental agent looking for
dings. Liv follows him, pistol in hand.

Clay pops the trunk, touches the dried blood stain. He spots
the shovel against the wall. Picks it up, hefts it, smiles
grimly. From his pocket — he pulls out Jonas’s wedding ring.

CLAY
You thought you could just scrub it
all away? Tell you what — I’ll take
the car. And the memories. You
don't get a goddamn dime.

LIV
Get out.

Clay smirks — lashes out with the shovel. The blow smashes
her hand, sends the gun clattering across the concrete. Clay
lunges. Liv dodges around the SUV. Clay chases, snarling.

HALLWAY

Liv bursts through the door — SLAMS it. Tries to lock it —
but Clay SMASHES it open with his shoulder.

CLAY
Tell me what you did to him! Tell
me the goddamn truth!

KITCHEN

Liv stumbles to the counter, yanks open a drawer, digs for a
knife. Clay grabs her hair at the roots, twists it, throws
her to the ground. Her head catches the granite edge on the
center aisle. She falls, head bleeding. She scrambles backwards
and up to standing as Clay advances.

LIV
(screaming)
Luis! Carlos!

CLAY
Ain't nobody can hear through these
walls. Blessed be 500-year-old
construction.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In a tense nighttime scene, Liv arrives at her temporary residence, uncovering a violent past marked by dried blood in the SUV. As she prepares for a confrontation with Clay, who seeks to negotiate the sale of the car, tensions rise when he discovers the blood and a shovel, hinting at darker truths. When Liv refuses to pay, Clay attacks her with the shovel, leading to a brutal struggle that leaves her injured. Isolated and desperate, Liv calls for help while Clay taunts her, emphasizing their grim circumstances.
Strengths
  • Intense confrontation between Liv and Clay
  • Sharp and confrontational dialogue
  • High emotional impact
  • Effective use of props and physical action
Weaknesses
  • Potential for excessive violence
  • Lack of resolution for other characters

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene is highly effective in building tension and suspense, with a well-executed confrontation between Liv and Clay. The use of weapons and physical violence adds to the intensity of the scene, keeping the audience engaged and on edge.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of a high-stakes confrontation between Liv and Clay is compelling and well-executed. The scene effectively explores themes of betrayal, revenge, and survival, drawing the audience into the intense conflict between the characters.

Plot: 9

The plot of the scene is driven by the escalating conflict between Liv and Clay, leading to a dramatic confrontation that propels the story forward. The resolution of this conflict has significant implications for the characters and the overall narrative.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the crime genre by focusing on the psychological and emotional consequences of criminal actions. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and contribute to the suspenseful atmosphere of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9.2

The characters of Liv and Clay are well-developed in this scene, with their motivations and emotions driving the intense confrontation. The dialogue and actions of the characters reveal their complex relationship and the deep-seated animosity between them.

Character Changes: 9

Both Liv and Clay undergo significant changes during the scene, with their relationship and dynamics shifting as they confront each other. Liv asserts her dominance and determination, while Clay reveals his true intentions and ruthlessness.

Internal Goal: 9

Liv's internal goal is to protect herself and her secrets, as well as to confront her past actions and the consequences they have brought. This reflects her deeper need for survival and redemption, as well as her fear of being exposed and punished.

External Goal: 8

Liv's external goal is to sell the car to Clay and get rid of any evidence of her involvement in a crime. This reflects the immediate challenge she faces in dealing with Clay's suspicions and aggression.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9.5

The level of conflict in the scene is high, with physical violence and emotional intensity driving the confrontation between Liv and Clay. The stakes are raised as the characters fight for control and survival, leading to a dramatic and suspenseful climax.

Opposition: 9

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Clay challenging Liv's secrets and motivations, creating a sense of danger and unpredictability. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how the conflict will be resolved.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes in the scene are high, with Liv and Clay fighting for control and survival in a dangerous and intense confrontation. The outcome of their conflict has significant consequences for the characters and the overall story.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward significantly, resolving the conflict between Liv and Clay and setting the stage for the next phase of the narrative. The outcome of the confrontation has important implications for the characters and the overall plot.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in the characters' actions and motivations. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how the confrontation between Liv and Clay will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the themes of betrayal, deception, and the consequences of one's actions. Liv and Clay represent two opposing value systems, with Liv trying to protect herself and her secrets while Clay seeks justice and revenge.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9.4

The scene has a high emotional impact, eliciting fear, anger, and defiance from the characters and the audience. The intense confrontation between Liv and Clay creates a sense of suspense and danger, keeping the audience emotionally engaged throughout.

Dialogue: 9.3

The dialogue in the scene is sharp, confrontational, and emotionally charged, effectively conveying the tension between Liv and Clay. The verbal sparring between the characters adds depth to their conflict and reveals their true feelings and intentions.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense conflict, suspenseful atmosphere, and well-developed characters. The escalating tension and dramatic action keep the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and suspense gradually, escalating the conflict between Liv and Clay, and maintaining a sense of urgency and momentum throughout.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay in the crime thriller genre, with clear scene headings, action descriptions, and character dialogue. The formatting enhances the readability and impact of the scene.

Structure: 9

The scene follows the expected structure for a tense, dramatic confrontation in a crime thriller genre. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness in building tension and suspense.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension through the physical confrontation between Liv and Clay, showcasing the stakes involved in their negotiation. However, the dialogue could be sharpened to enhance the emotional weight of the confrontation. Liv's responses feel somewhat transactional and could benefit from more emotional depth, reflecting her fear and desperation.
  • The use of the shovel as both a prop and a weapon is a strong visual element that symbolizes the darker undertones of the situation. However, the transition from negotiation to violence feels abrupt. A more gradual escalation of tension could heighten the impact of the confrontation, allowing the audience to feel the shift in dynamics more acutely.
  • The setting of the kitchen and garage is effective in creating a claustrophobic atmosphere, but the scene could benefit from more sensory details to immerse the audience further. Describing the sounds, smells, and even the temperature of the environment could enhance the tension and urgency of the moment.
  • Liv's character is portrayed as resourceful and determined, but her actions could be more proactive. Instead of waiting for Clay to attack, she could take more initiative in defending herself earlier in the scene, which would make her character arc more compelling and relatable.
  • The dialogue between Liv and Clay is functional but lacks subtext. Adding layers to their conversation could reveal more about their relationship and the history between them, making the stakes feel more personal. For example, Liv could reference past interactions or shared memories that heighten the emotional stakes of the confrontation.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more internal monologue or emotional reflection from Liv to convey her fear and determination, which would deepen the audience's connection to her character.
  • Introduce a moment of hesitation or a brief flashback that highlights Liv's past with Jonas or her feelings about the situation, which could add emotional weight to her actions and decisions.
  • Enhance the physicality of the scene by incorporating more detailed descriptions of the characters' movements and the environment, such as the sounds of the struggle or the feel of the cold metal of the gun.
  • Revise the dialogue to include more subtext and emotional resonance, allowing Liv and Clay to reveal their complex relationship through their words, rather than just the situation at hand.
  • Consider pacing the escalation of conflict more gradually, allowing for moments of tension and release that can make the eventual violence feel more impactful and earned.



Scene 59 -  Desperate Defense
EXT. STREET

Luis and Carlos glance at each other, straighten slightly.
Listen, but no real noise escapes the house. They stay put —
at the ready.

BACK INSIDE THE KITCHEN

Clay moves around the center aisle, closing the space between
he and Liv. She dodges past him to the counter, grabs a knife,
spins and runs out.

BEDROOM

Liv bolts into the

BATHROOM

Locks the handle in the plywood door. She backs against the
wall, knife in her shaking hands.

O.S. Clay’s footsteps THUD. A boot to the door. A beat. BOOM.

A gunshot shatters the door — wood splinters everywhere.

Liv ducks low, scrambling under the sink. Another SHOT.

A hole blows open in the door.

Clay’s hand reaches through, fingers scrabbling for the handle.

Liv lunges. Stabs her chef's knife deep through his hand.

CLAY
(screaming)
Bitch!

His hand jerks — but he's pinned to the door by his own flesh.
Liv searches under the sink, pulls out a can of hairspray,
backs against the wall.

Clay pull the knife from his hand. BLOOD GUSHES. He holds his
hand to his chest, tries to stem the blood.

Liv yanks the door open, advances, spraying hairspray in his
eyes. Clay HOLLERS, lashes out, but is blinded. The can
empties. She throws it at him, runs out.

GARAGE

Liv rushes in. SLAMS the door. Clay kicks it open, barges in,
half-blinded, blood pouring down his arm.

Liv circles the SUV, desperate, limping. There — the pistol
half under a tire.

Clay cuts her off.

CLAY (CONT'D)
Where you gonna run to now, darlin'?

Liv dives low — reaching for the pistol. Clay swings the shovel
like a bat. WHACK. It SMASHES into her ribs.

Liv crumples, GASPING, clutching her side.

The pistol skitters away. Clay kicks it out of reach.

He grabs her hair, yanks her upright, presses the shovel shaft
against her neck. He yanks it tight, pulls her backwards. Her
heels scrape uselessly against the concrete floor.

CLAY (CONT'D)
You shoulda stayed the obedient wife.

Liv GURGLES. Vision blurring. Knees buckling. She claws at
his hands. Digs her nails into his bleeding wound. He tries
to hold on. She bites down. Hard. He loses his grip.

CLAY (CONT'D)
(screaming)
You fucking bitch!

He throws her aside. Her elbow hits the concrete hard. Liv
rolls away, crawls to the SUV and the pistol.

UNDER THE SUV

Liv COUGHS BLOOD. Her arm reaches for the gun.

GARAGE

She emerges from under the car, gun raised — but Clay's already
swinging. The shovel CRACKS the gun from her hand. It spins
off into the shadows. Clay pounces, pins her to the floor.

His knees grind into her ribs. One hand chokes, the other
slams her head against the concrete.

CLAY (CONT'D)
You are so dead. You just don't
know it yet.

Liv GASPS. Sees — inches away — a CROWBAR under the bench.

She bites Clay's wrist — deep and savage. Clay YELLS. Pulls
back. Liv kicks him off. Scrambles. Grabs the crowbar. Stands
to face him.

Clay stumbles up, blood dripping.

CLAY (CONT'D)
Come on, baby. Let's waltz down to
hell together.

He charges. Liv plants her feet, raises the crowbar, swings
with everything she's got. CRACK. The crowbar connects flush
with his temple.

Clay crumples to the concrete. Heavy. Lifeless.

LIV
Wrong town. Wrong woman. Dead wrong
day.

Liv staggers back. Presses a button on the wall, next to an
old, faded tourist poster advertising: "San Miguel de Allende
— FIND YOUR MAGIC."
Genres: ["Thriller","Drama"]

Summary In a tense confrontation, Liv fights for her life against Clay, who aggressively pursues her through the house. After a harrowing struggle involving a knife and a crowbar, Liv manages to knock Clay unconscious. The scene culminates with Liv pressing a button on the wall, suggesting a potential escape or call for help.
Strengths
  • Intense action sequences
  • Emotional depth
  • Strong character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Graphic violence may be disturbing to some viewers

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene is highly engaging, filled with tension, violence, and a sense of urgency. The emotional impact is palpable, and the stakes are high, keeping the audience on the edge of their seats.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of a deadly confrontation between Liv and Clay is executed with skill, emphasizing themes of survival, resilience, and the consequences of past actions.

Plot: 9

The plot of the scene revolves around the intense physical struggle between Liv and Clay, driving the narrative forward and showcasing the characters' motivations and conflicts.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh take on the survival thriller genre, with a strong focus on character agency and empowerment. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

Liv and Clay are well-developed characters with clear motivations and contrasting personalities. Their interactions in this scene reveal their strengths and vulnerabilities, adding depth to the story.

Character Changes: 9

Liv undergoes a significant change in this scene, from a position of vulnerability to a fierce determination to survive. Her character arc is defined by her strength and resilience in the face of danger.

Internal Goal: 9

Liv's internal goal in this scene is survival and empowerment. She is fighting for her life and asserting her agency in the face of danger and oppression.

External Goal: 8

Liv's external goal is to escape from her attacker and defend herself against his violent advances.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9.5

The level of conflict in the scene is extremely high, with physical violence and emotional tension driving the confrontation between Liv and Clay. The stakes are life and death, adding to the intensity.

Opposition: 9

The opposition in the scene is strong and difficult to overcome, with Liv facing a powerful and ruthless antagonist who poses a real threat to her survival. The audience is kept in suspense about the outcome of the conflict.

High Stakes: 10

The stakes in the scene are extremely high, with Liv's life on the line as she faces a violent and determined adversary. The outcome of the confrontation will have significant consequences for the characters and the story.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward by resolving the conflict between Liv and Clay, leading to a shift in power dynamics and setting the stage for future developments. It adds depth to the narrative and advances the plot.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting power dynamics between the characters, the unexpected twists in the action, and the uncertain outcome of the conflict.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around themes of power, control, and gender dynamics. Liv's actions challenge traditional notions of female passivity and submission, while Clay represents a toxic masculinity that seeks to dominate and oppress.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9.5

The scene has a significant emotional impact on the audience, eliciting fear, tension, and empathy for Liv as she faces a life-threatening situation. The intense physical struggle and emotional stakes heighten the emotional impact.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene is minimal but impactful, conveying the characters' emotions and intentions effectively. The tension is heightened through the characters' actions rather than words.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its high stakes, intense action, and emotional resonance. The audience is drawn into the characters' struggles and invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is fast-paced and intense, with a sense of urgency and momentum that keeps the audience on the edge of their seats. The rhythm of the action and dialogue enhances the scene's effectiveness.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and concise, following the expected format for its genre. The visual descriptions and action lines are well-executed.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a tense and suspenseful structure, building up the conflict and action in a coherent and engaging manner. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the scene's effectiveness.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension through the physical confrontation between Liv and Clay, showcasing Liv's resourcefulness and determination to survive. The use of visceral imagery, such as the blood and the physical struggle, heightens the stakes and engages the audience emotionally.
  • The pacing is well-executed, with quick cuts between actions that create a sense of urgency. The dialogue is minimal, which works in favor of the scene's intensity, allowing the physicality of the confrontation to take center stage.
  • However, the scene could benefit from clearer stakes and motivations. While Liv's desire to survive is evident, providing a brief flashback or internal monologue could deepen the audience's understanding of her emotional state and what she stands to lose or gain in this moment.
  • The transition from the bathroom to the garage feels abrupt. A moment of reflection or a brief pause could enhance the emotional weight of Liv's actions, allowing the audience to connect more with her fear and desperation.
  • The final line, 'Wrong town. Wrong woman. Dead wrong day,' is impactful but could be more integrated into the scene's emotional arc. It feels slightly disconnected from the immediate struggle. A more nuanced delivery or a moment of realization could enhance its resonance.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief internal monologue or flashback for Liv to provide context for her fight against Clay, which would deepen the emotional stakes of the scene.
  • Introduce a moment of hesitation or reflection for Liv after she stabs Clay, allowing the audience to feel her fear and determination more acutely before she makes her next move.
  • Enhance the transition between the bathroom and garage by including a moment where Liv reflects on her situation, perhaps a quick thought about her past or what she stands to lose, to create a stronger emotional connection.
  • Revisit the final line to ensure it feels more integrated with Liv's emotional journey throughout the scene. Consider having her say it in a way that reflects her growth or realization in that moment.
  • Ensure that the physicality of the fight remains clear and easy to follow. Consider using more varied sentence structures to maintain the energy and clarity of the action.



Scene 60 -  Emergence and Reflection
EXT. LIV & JONAS’S TEMP RESIDENCE

The garage door GRINDS open. Liv steps out, bloody but
standing. The crowbar slips from her fingers. CLANGS like a
bell tolling.

Across the street, Luis and Carlos step off the curb. Magda
stands between them, arms crossed. José smokes, his bandaged
hand visible.

LIV
Check his pockets for a hotel key.
That's where you'll find Jesús's
money. Do whatever with him.

Luis nods. Carlos cracks his knuckles. Magda lights two
cigarettes, hands one to Liv.

MAGDA
(Spanish, subtitled)
Ay, mija.... you've flipped the whole
damn tortilla.

FIREWORKS EXPLODE in the distance.

EXT. SAN MIGUEL DE ALLENDE - ROOFTOP - NIGHT

Kit leans against the parapet, cigarette burning low, a man
halfway between confession and eulogy.

KIT (V.O.)
It ain't the bullets that kill you
down here. Ain't even the bad luck.
It's the little things. One favor
you shouldn't have asked. One lie
you told yourself just to get through
the night. One morning you wake
up... look in the mirror and don't
recognize the sorry bastard staring
back.

He flicks the cigarette off into the dark.

KIT (V.O.) (CONT'D)
Some folks run. Some folks dig in.
(MORE)

KIT (V.O.) (CONT'D)
And some folks... they bury the past
so deep, even the worms lose interest.

A distant pop — fireworks or gunshot — it's hard to say.

KIT (V.O.) (CONT'D)
Me? I just tell the stories. Bury
the bodies with words. Lucky me.
The light's too bright for 'em to
see the dirt under my nails.

CLOSING MONTAGE - O.S. "CAMINO DE GUANAJUATO" by José Alfredo
Jimenez plays.

- On Kit's rooftop, Kit and Liv sip coffee, watch the sun
rise over the town.

- The sunlight turns the walls of El Milagro Perdido golden.

- Fern hands a sign above the door "BAJO NUEVA DIRECCIÓN."

- Inside El Milagro Perdido, José drinks coffee. Magda mops.

- In the cemetery, Clay's hat hangs on an iron cross driven
into the dirt. Luis and Carlos stand over it, light cigarettes.

- Liv and Fern walk into El Milagro Perdido. The music SWELLS

JUKEBOX (O.S.)
"La vida no vale nada."

THE END
Genres: ["Thriller","Drama","Mystery"]

Summary In a tense scene, Liv, visibly injured, commands Luis and Carlos to search Jesús for a hotel key, showcasing her resilience and authority. Magda acknowledges Liv's transformation, while Kit's reflective voiceover contemplates survival and the burdens of the past. As fireworks light up the night sky, the scene transitions into a montage of characters in various settings, culminating in Liv and Fern entering a bar, underscored by a poignant song.
Strengths
  • Intense conflict
  • Strong character development
  • Tense atmosphere
  • Compelling theme
  • Emotional impact
Weaknesses
  • Potential for excessive violence
  • Complexity of character relationships

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene is well-crafted, with a strong design that effectively builds tension and suspense. The execution is intense and gripping, keeping the audience on the edge of their seats. The concept of confronting the buried truth and facing the consequences of past actions is compelling and drives the plot forward.


Story Content

Concept: 9.3

The concept of confronting the buried truth and dealing with the consequences of past actions is central to the scene. It adds depth to the characters and drives the narrative forward, creating a compelling and engaging story.

Plot: 9

The plot of the scene is well-developed, with a clear focus on the confrontation between Liv and Clay. It moves the story forward by resolving the conflict and setting the stage for future events, maintaining the audience's interest and investment in the characters.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces fresh elements such as the use of Spanish dialogue, the setting in a specific location, and the characters' complex moral dilemmas. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9.2

The characters of Liv and Clay are well-defined and undergo significant development in the scene. Their actions and dialogue reveal their motivations, strengths, and vulnerabilities, adding depth to the story and driving the conflict forward.

Character Changes: 9

Both Liv and Clay undergo significant changes during the scene, revealing new depths to their characters and motivations. Liv shows resilience and determination in the face of danger, while Clay's true nature and intentions are exposed, leading to a shift in power dynamics.

Internal Goal: 8

Liv's internal goal in this scene is to maintain control and assert her authority in a dangerous situation. This reflects her need for survival and power in a hostile environment.

External Goal: 7

Liv's external goal is to retrieve Jesús's money and ensure her safety in the face of potential threats from Luis and Carlos. This goal reflects the immediate circumstances and challenges she is facing.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9.5

The level of conflict in the scene is high, with intense physical and emotional confrontations between Liv and Clay. The stakes are raised as the characters fight for control and survival, creating a sense of danger and urgency.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with characters facing difficult choices, conflicting loyalties, and potential violence. The audience is kept guessing about the characters' true intentions and the outcome of their conflicts.

High Stakes: 10

The stakes in the scene are high, with Liv and Clay fighting for control and survival in a dangerous and intense confrontation. The outcome has significant consequences for the characters and the story, raising the tension and urgency of the situation.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by resolving the conflict between Liv and Clay, setting the stage for future events and character development. It advances the plot while maintaining tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and eager to see what happens next.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the characters' conflicting motivations, unexpected plot twists, and ambiguous resolutions. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how the conflicts will be resolved.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the characters' choices in a morally ambiguous world. Liv's willingness to manipulate and betray others for her own gain contrasts with Kit's introspective and storytelling approach to dealing with the past.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9.2

The scene has a strong emotional impact, evoking fear, tension, and determination in the characters and the audience. The intense struggle for survival and resolution of past conflicts elicits a range of emotions, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the outcome.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue in the scene is tense and impactful, conveying the emotions and intentions of the characters effectively. It drives the conflict and reveals important information, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the story.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense atmosphere, complex characters, and suspenseful plot developments. The dialogue and narration draw the audience into the characters' emotional journeys.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a balance of action, dialogue, and introspective moments that maintain tension and build towards a satisfying conclusion. The rhythm of the scene enhances its emotional impact.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings, action lines, and dialogue formatting that enhance the readability and impact of the script.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a non-linear structure with intercutting between different locations and characters, creating a sense of tension and building towards a climactic resolution.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures a moment of transformation for Liv, showcasing her resilience and strength after a violent confrontation. However, the transition from the physical struggle to the aftermath could be more emotionally resonant. The reader should feel the weight of what Liv has just endured, and the current dialogue feels somewhat detached from the gravity of the situation.
  • The dialogue between Liv and the other characters is functional but lacks depth. While Magda's line about flipping the tortilla is a nice metaphor, it could be expanded to reflect more on Liv's emotional state or the implications of her actions. This would enhance the thematic resonance of the scene.
  • Kit's voiceover provides a philosophical reflection that contrasts with the immediate action, but it may feel disjointed for some readers. The connection between Liv's actions and Kit's reflections could be strengthened to create a more cohesive narrative thread. The voiceover should feel like a natural extension of Liv's experience rather than a separate commentary.
  • The visual elements, such as the fireworks and the crowbar, are strong symbols of both celebration and violence. However, the scene could benefit from more sensory details to immerse the audience in the atmosphere. Describing the sounds, smells, and sights in greater detail would enhance the emotional impact.
  • The ending montage is a powerful way to conclude the story, but it may feel rushed. Each moment in the montage could be given a bit more time or detail to allow the audience to fully absorb the significance of each image. This would help to create a more satisfying resolution to the narrative.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more internal monologue or emotional reflection from Liv immediately after her confrontation with Clay. This could help the audience connect with her trauma and resilience.
  • Expand on Magda's dialogue to provide more insight into Liv's transformation and the implications of her actions. This could deepen the emotional stakes of the scene.
  • Rework Kit's voiceover to create a stronger thematic connection to Liv's journey. Perhaps include lines that directly relate to her experience or the choices she has made.
  • Incorporate more sensory details to enhance the atmosphere of the scene. Describe the sounds of the fireworks, the feel of the night air, or the tension in the characters' body language.
  • Allow for a slower pacing in the montage at the end, giving each moment a bit more weight. This could involve adding brief pauses or reactions from the characters to emphasize the significance of the events.