Scene
1 -
New Mafia Boss Takes the Throne, Young Avenger Seeks Revenge
INT. FUNERAL HOME - DAY
MUSIC: Ave Maria by Franz Schubert
Somber organ music accompanies a brunette teen singer at a
mafia funeral. Mourners weep and shuffle past a wall of
flowers to the casket of an elderly man with a moustache and
facial scar wearing a blue tuxedo.
Nearby, DON VINCENZO COCCOTTI (70s, crimson tie, fine silk
scarf) welcomes guests, shakes hands, receives condolences
and congratulations in equal measure. Cheeks are kissed,
vows are sworn. Hugs his consigliere, overtly pats him down.
Attendees find their seats. The soprano finishes with a
flourish, curtsies. Mixed tears and applause. Funeral home
employee checks her watch, whispers to a beefy mobster who
conveys the message to his boss.
DON VINCENZO COCCOTTI
Grazie, Luca.
Don Vincenzo approaches the open casket, leans over to touch
the carnation on the dead man's lapel. A teardrop falls. He
rises to speak as the newly-appointed Capo di tutti capi.
DON VINCENZO COCCOTTI (CONT'D)
I'd like to personally thank you
all for coming out this Saint
Valentine's Day as we gather
together to express our profound
sorrow at the loss of a truly great
man. Let me take this opportunity
to welcome you, his closest
friends, family, and business
associates. You honor me with your
presence here today and for that I
am eternally grateful.
Gestures of acknowledgement from the underworld figures.
DON VINCENZO COCCOTTI (CONT'D)
Now, I understand that some of you
have flown long distances last
minute at great personal expense.
Just know that you will be
handsomely rewarded for your
undying loyalty and wise
consultation.
Glasses of wine are given to select mafioso.
2.
DON VINCENZO COCCOTTI (CONT'D)
Right now, Let me propose a toast.
Alla mia unica vera Famiglia:
SUPER: To my one true Family:
Don Vincenzo takes a flute from the server's tray, raises it
and scans the crowd of mourners.
DON VINCENZO COCCOTTI (CONT'D)
Let us mark this solemn occasion
not as a setback for our
organization, but as a renewal, a
rebirth if you will. A new
beginning for this thing of ours.
Interested grumbles from La Cosa Nostra.
DON VINCENZO COCCOTTI (CONT'D)
So begins a new era of unbridled
prosperity as we pay our respects
to our dear departed leader, the
one-and-only Mister Louis Boyle.
Cheers of enthusiastic approval.
DON VINCENZO COCCOTTI (CONT'D)
To 'Blue' Lou Boyle!
The gangsters drink. Don Vincenzo nods to an associate. Two
goombahs move to secure the exit, guns visible. Don Vincenzo
reaches into the coffin and pulls out a weathered Colt 45.
DON VINCENZO COCCOTTI (CONT'D)
You know what Blue Lou used to say
right before he clipped someone?
Shocked surprise followed by stunned silence. Don Vincenzo
aims at ELVIS WORLEY, a rakish youth in gold TCB sunglasses.
ELVIS WORLEY
Not so fast, fuckhead.
Holding a dead man's switch, he opens his tweed sportscoat.
ELVIS WORLEY (CONT'D)
You murdered my grandfather.
The tension escalates once the deadly stakes are made clear.
Over a Hawaiian shirt, blocks of plastic explosive are wired
together in a makeshift suicide vest.
DON VINCENZO COCCOTTI
You're lying.
3.
ELVIS WORLEY
Shot him 6 times at close range.
DON VINCENZO COCCOTTI
That's a lie. I haven't killed
anybody since 1984.
ELVIS WORLEY
It's the truth.
DON VINCENZO COCCOTTI
The truth is, I probably did. So
what? The fact remains, I think
you're bluffing.
ELVIS WORLEY
Am I? I did the math: this is
enough C4 to do damage that nobody
in this room will walk away from.
That's also a fact.
DON VINCENZO COCCOTTI
Well, here's another fact for you,
bright-boy: There's no way you'll
ever make it out of here alive.
ELVIS WORLEY
Maybe not, but you'll get the
friends and family discount for
sure. Lots of closed caskets, not
that there'll be much left to bury.
Armed men silently close in.
ELVIS WORLEY (CONT'D)
Here's the thing; I never planned
on walking out of here.
But neither will any of you.
Sensing the threat, Elvis wags the detonator in warning.
ELVIS WORLEY (CONT'D)
See, I ain't particularly scared of
dying. I'm not scared of you,
either, I just don't like you.
Hitmen are waived off by steely-eyed boss. Adversaries stare
daggers through narrowed eyes.
ELVIS WORLEY (CONT'D)
And I'm here to fix this fucked-up
family for good.
4.
DON VINCENZO COCCOTTI
Is that a fact?
ELVIS WORLEY
Well, if that's a fact, tell me...
Am I lying?
After an intense moment of silent stalemate. Don Vincenzo
reconsiders and lowers his gun, pausing the stand-off. He
pulls out a pack of cigarettes and lights one.
DON VINCENZO COCCOTTI
You want a Chesterfield? Mister--
ELVIS WORLEY
Call me Elvis.
DON VINCENZO COCCOTTI
Elvis?
(laughs bitterly)
So, that thieving whore named you
after the King of Rock 'n' Roll?
ELVIS WORLEY
Long live the king, baby.
DON VINCENZO COCCOTTI
Well, it appears you haven't heard
the news, Mister Worley--
He raises the pistol and cocks the hammer.
DON VINCENZO COCCOTTI (CONT'D)
The King is DEAD.
Don Vincenzo reaches for the trigger. His finger slips. The
gun tumbles and lands with a thud in the corpse's groin.
'BLUE' LOU BOYLE
Ow! My balls!
The 'dead' gangster bolts upright, rolls around the casket
in agony. The entire room bursts into laughter, all except
for acclaimed film director GERHARDT KLUUNDT, who fumes.
GERHARDT KLUUNDT (V.O.)
Cut!
END COLD OPEN
TITLE CARD: BACKGROUNDERS
5.
Genres:
["Crime","Drama","Comedy"]
Ratings
Scene
2 -
Accident on Set: A Mishap with a Rubber Prop
INT. FUNERAL HOME SET - CONTINUOUS
Many voices shout 'CUT!', repeating the director's command.
GERHARDT KLUUNDT (CONT'D)
Scheisse!
With a pained expression, the actor playing Blue Lou pleads
his case to a dismayed Don Vincenzo.
'BLUE' LOU BOYLE
What the hell, man?
He reaches to retrieve the rubber prop and hands it back to
pale, sweaty Don Vincenzo, aka British Shakespearean
thespian ALISTAIR RUMPLESTINCH (60's, lean, dignified)
ALISTAIR RUMPLESTINCH
(British accent)
I'm terribly sorry, old chap.
Purely an accident, I assure you.
The bloody thing just slipped.
Genres:
["Drama","Comedy"]
Ratings
Scene
3 -
Behind the Scenes: Chaos on the Studio Sound Stage
INT. STUDIO SOUND STAGE - CONTINUOUS
The irritated director sits at a monitor. He removes his
trendy glasses and runs a hand over his blonde buzzcut.
GERHARDT KLUUNDT
Lieber Gott was kommt als nächstes?
SUPER: Dear God what next?
Random mourners chat idly until production assistant KELLEY
DELORENZO (20's, chubby, curly hair) scowls and hisses.
KELLEY DELORENZO
I want silence, background!
Visiting prop master gives the okay to continue filming.
GERHARDT KLUUNDT
Okay, let's reset, ya?
Relaying commands over a headset mic, assistant director
JEFFREY LACHMAN (30's, lanky, USC cap) puts down his coffee
cup and waves his arms.
JEFFREY LACHMAN
Alright, reset! Everybody back to
one. Pictures up, let's go again.
Quiet everyone!
6.
KELLEY DELORENZO
Quiet, background!
GERHARDT KLUUNDT
So, let's pick it up from 'You
killed my grandfather', ya?
JEFFREY LACHMAN
Just a sec, boss.
Larry's got a question.
Gaffer LAWRENCE MALONE (70's, balding) approaches, followed
by hulking grips DARRYL and DARRELL (30's, tattoos, beards).
LAWRENCE MALONE
Yo Jeff, is Alistair okay? He looks
a little green around the gills.
The intimidating duo nods.
LAWRENCE MALONE
Tell 'em what you heard, Mick.
Balancing a boom mike, MICHAEL WURTZ (40's, tan) responds.
MICHAEL WURTZ
Yeah man, I've been picking up sort
of a rumbling in his, uh, lower
register, if you get my drift.
2 makeup artists touch-up the grimacing Don Vincenzo, who
rubs his midsection in obvious discomfort.
ALISTAIR RUMPLESTINCH
Oh dear.
(gurgling noises)
I'm dreadfully sorry ladies, you'll
have to excuse me.
(burp)
I'm afraid I don't feel very well.
Genres:
["Drama","Comedy"]
Ratings
Scene
4 -
Movie Magic Mix-Up on the Parking Deck
EXT. PARKING GARAGE - SUNRISE
SUPER: earlier that day
A station wagon passes a yellow EXTRAS PARKING sign and
climbs the ramp to a rooftop parking deck. The lot is empty,
save for some traffic cones and an unmarked white cargo van.
The side door opens and an Asian woman (70's, plump) gets
out wearing sunglasses & a poker visor. She trudges towards
the elevator pulling a wheeled overnight bag, Sudoku books
under one arm, folding camp chair over her shoulder.
7.
The panel slides closed and the van pulls away, zooming past
the parked station wagon and down the ramp.
THOMAS COVINGTON (40, thinning hair, dad bod) emerges, takes
a sip from his travel mug, dribbles, wipes using the sleeve
of his black business suit. He locks the car and stashes the
keys in a backpack. Confused, Tom checks his cellphone and
looks around the empty parking deck.
The Asian lady gets on the elevator and pushes a button. She
beckons, encouraging Tom to hurry. He walks briskly then
breaks into a jog, arriving just as the doors close. The
grinning woman giggles and waves merrily as she descends.
THOMAS COVINGTON
(deflated)
Well. Alrighty then.
An electric car quietly parks. BENJAMIN PATEL (30, slim,
soulful eyes) emerges holding an open laptop. He grabs a
suit carrier while speaking on a Bluetooth headset,
translating LINUX code from Hindi to English.
BENJAMIN PATEL
Well, have you tried turning it off
and on? Try that first. See? Now
Rajesh can access your data files
from there. Look, I've got to run,
Hollywood is calling.
Ben ends the call and joins Tom at the elevator.
THOMAS COVINGTON
I always forget to try that.
BENJAMIN PATEL
Don't worry, so does everyone else,
so I put it on my business card.
Ben holds up a card that reads: TRY TURNING IT OFF AND ON.
BENJAMIN PATEL (CONT'D)
It doesn't bother me, I consider it
job security.
THOMAS COVINGTON
How's it going? I'm Tom.
BENJAMIN PATEL
Ben. Nice to meet you.
So, what are you?
THOMAS COVINGTON
Excuse me?
8.
BENJAMIN PATEL
What's your role today?
THOMAS COVINGTON
Oh! I'm a Funeral Goer.
But it looks like I got here a
little early. The notice said call
time was 6:30.
BENJAMIN PATEL
Did you check your email?
THOMAS COVINGTON
Of course.
BENJAMIN PATEL
What about your spam folder?
THOMAS COVINGTON
Oops. No, why?
BENJAMIN PATEL
Casting changed the call time for
mourners to 7:15.
THOMAS COVINGTON
When did this happen?
BENJAMIN PATEL
About 2 o'clock last night.
THOMAS COVINGTON
What? I was already asleep.
BENJAMIN PATEL
Welcome to the glamorous world of
background work. Rule number 1:
Always double-check your call time
as soon as you wake up.
THOMAS COVINGTON
Lesson learned.
Down below, the Asian woman scurries across the sidewalk and
gets on an idling shuttle bus.
BENJAMIN PATEL
Is this your first time on set?
THOMAS COVINGTON
I saw an ad online and thought I
might experience a little movie
magic firsthand, y'know?
9.
BENJAMIN PATEL
Movie magic? That's beautiful. I
love your attitude, your--
what's the word? Optimism.
Yes. Hold on to that.
THOMAS COVINGTON
Thanks, I think I will. To be
honest, this is just a side hustle
so I can earn a few bucks for
school supplies.
BENJAMIN PATEL
You're a student?
THOMAS COVINGTON
Teacher. Middle-school.
BENJAMIN PATEL
What on Earth are you doing here?
THOMAS COVINGTON
I decided to start writing
screenplays again. Senior year of
college, I wrote an entire 120 page
sequel to The Outsiders.
BENJAMIN PATEL
Oh, you're a writer. I get it now.
THOMAS COVINGTON
I've always wanted to see what
making movies was really like.
Besides, we just moved here and my
wife and I are a huge Alistair
Rumplestinch fans.
BENJAMIN PATEL
He's brilliant. I just love him.
Always have, always will.
THOMAS COVINGTON
People tell me all the time that we
sort of look alike.
BENJAMIN PATEL
Well, he'll be here. We're shooting
the climactic funeral scene today.
The elevator returns and the men get on. Tom pushes the
button as more cars filter in and park.
10.
Genres:
["Comedy","Drama"]
Ratings
Scene
5 -
Rainy Elevator Ride and Different Opinions
INT. ELEVATOR - CONTINUOUS
THOMAS COVINGTON
Is it supposed to rain all day?
I missed the news. That reminds me,
I'd better let Sarah know I'm here.
Tom makes small talk as he taps out a text message.
THOMAS COVINGTON (CONT'D)
So, what do you think about this
hotshot director?
BENJAMIN PATEL
Jerry? I mean, Gerhardt Kluundt?
THOMAS COVINGTON
Film critics call him the German
Tarantino. I hear he's some kind of
visionary genius.
BENJAMIN PATEL
Really? A visionary genius? Did he
tell you that himself?
THOMAS COVINGTON
Well no, but I'm just saying--
Tom pauses, shrugs and looks to the sky. A few raindrops
patter against the elevator window.
THOMAS COVINGTON (CONT'D)
There's a real chance we could make
cinematic history today.
BENJAMIN PATEL
Cinematic history?
As Tom resumes texting, Ben gives him a world-weary grin.
BENJAMIN PATEL (CONT'D)
Stay gold, Ponyboy, stay gold.
THOMAS COVINGTON
Huh?
BENJAMIN PATEL
Never mind.
With a faraway look, Ben watches a raindrop trace its path
down the glass and turns up the K-pop on his headphones.
11.
Genres:
["Drama","Comedy"]
Ratings
Scene
6 -
Frustrations Amid Rain
EXT. PARKING GARAGE - CONTINUOUS
ANASTASIA GLASS (30, blue-eyed blonde) rushes to beat the
rain, covering her hair with a magazine. The doors close
just as Stacy reaches the elevator. Furious, she angrily
mashes the button and stamps her stiletto in frustration.
ACT TWO
EXT. STUDIO SOUND STAGE - MORNING
Rain washes across the warehouses of an industrial park.
I.D. badge swinging, Jeff steps over a puddle, darting
between production trailers and generators while holding a
coffee cup. A garbled order comes through his headset, so he
seeks refuge under a dry overhang.
He reaches into his jean jacket for a smoke, which sticks to
his bottom lip as he tries in vain to light it. The lighter
finally catches and Jeff takes a drag. Exhaling, he looks
over at the line of miserable extras waiting for a turn at
the portable bathrooms.
JEFFREY LACHMAN
That ain't good.
A drop falls from the awning directly onto his cigarette and
snuffs it. Demoralized, Jeff takes a deep breath and a sip
of coffee. He tosses the butt in the trash and rushes off.
Genres:
["Drama","Comedy"]
Ratings
Scene
7 -
Chaos on Set: The Search for a Solution
INT. STUDIO SOUND STAGE - MOMENTS LATER
The production's key players stand comparing notes in a
loose circle. Jeff drains his java as he joins the impromptu
strategy session already underway.
Jerry confers with the cinematographer, flipping through a
dog-eared copy of the shooting script. Larry removes his
Yankees cap and scratches his balding head as he wipes away
tears of laughter.
LAWRENCE MALONE
I'm just sayin', I've been doin'
this shit a long time but I ain't
never seen somebody throw up like
that, and I worked on Stand By Me.
Headphones around his neck, Mickey meticulously cleans his
gear, wiping the graphite shaft of a digital boom mic.
MICHAEL WURTZ
Told you he was gonna spew.
Oh, and Kelley just got dumped.
12.
The emotionally devastated production assistant lowers her
cellphone with a stifled sob.
MICHAEL WURTZ (CONT'D)
Again.
Kelley bursts into tears and runs off with an anguished cry.
JEFFREY LACHMAN
That explains a lot, actually.
The Darrells nod in stern agreement.
JEFFREY LACHMAN (CONT'D)
But you gotta chill with the
eavesdropping, Mike.
Jerry pitches the script to the floor and throws up his
hands in a fit of artistic rage.
GERHARDT KLUUNDT
Nein, nein, nein! Vat don't you
understand? I haf no leading man.
I cannot verk like dis!
JEFFREY LACHMAN
Wait, we've already got his
dialogue and a ton of B-roll. What
if we change the camera angle and
shoot the rest of the scene from
behind? We could use the stand-in
and hide his face.
The director considers and frames the scene with his hands.
GERHARDT KLUUNDT
Dat's not bad. It could verk.
A minion sheepishly approaches and whispers to Jerry.
GERHARDT KLUUNDT (CONT'D)
Vat? You sent him home? You eediot!
Jeff turns to share a quiet word with Larry and Mike.
JEFFREY LACHMAN
What do you think happened?
LAWRENCE MALONE
I heard the guy got busted selling
set photos to TMZ.
MICHAEL WURTZ
Plus, he was cheating on his
boyfriend, so--
JEFFREY LACHMAN
Come on dude, what did I just say
about that?
For the German director, bottomless despair has set in.
GERHARDT KLUUNDT
Ve are completely screwed.
JEFFREY LACHMAN
Maybe not. Let me run to Holding.
Give me 20 minutes.
Genres:
["Comedy","Drama"]
Ratings
Scene
8 -
Anxiety and Confusion at the Swampy Warehouse Studio
EXT. WAREHOUSE STUDIO - DAYBREAK
SUPER: earlier that day
Rainwater gushes out of a gutter and into a field behind the
main building, creating a swampy quagmire. On the grassy
slope is a large event tent holding rows of folding tables
and chairs. The yellow sign reads EXTRAS HOLDING.
A shuttle bus pulls to a stop. Among the first to leave, Tom
steps into the drizzle and looks anxiously to Ben, who
stands opening a pocket-sized umbrella.
BENJAMIN PATEL
There's no place like home.
THOMAS COVINGTON
You're kidding, right?
BENJAMIN PATEL
I wish I was.
Genres:
["Drama","Comedy"]
Ratings
Scene
9 -
New Extra Meets Veterans on a Muddy Movie Set
INT. EXTRAS HOLDING - MOMENTS LATER
Tom sits at a table filling out a form. He notices that he
is sinking as his weight pushes the legs of the chair into
the turf. He signs the voucher slip and rises to turn it in.
14.
A drip from the tent plops onto his signature and rolls down
the paper like a tear.
THOMAS COVINGTON
Oh, for the love of God--
From the next table, a female voice answers in a sweet
Southern drawl.
HELEN MITCHELL
You poor thing.
HELEN MITCHELL (80+, frail, bifocals) sits comfortably in a
Crimson Tide stadium chair. White hair in a bun, she wears
the black dress and rosary of an Italian widow.
HELEN MITCHELL (CONT'D)
Go back and ask Jeff for another
one, dear.
THOMAS COVINGTON
Really? I'd hate to bother him.
Munching a chicken biscuit next to Helen is WAYNE SCANLON
(70's, ponytail, moustache) in a bright blue tuxedo.
WAYNE SCANLON
He's pretty cool about stuff like
that, but steer clear of Kelley if
you know what's good for you.
She's on the warpath this morning.
THOMAS COVINGTON
Who's Kelley?
WAYNE SCANLON
Curly-headed girl next to Jeff.
The one in the flannel.
HELEN MITCHELL
The P.A. in charge of Background.
WAYNE SCANLON
She threw an energy drink at one of
the Darrells last week.
HELEN MITCHELL
Bless her heart.
THOMAS COVINGTON
You know, I may be new to the South
but I know what that really means.
15.
HELEN MITCHELL
Never mind that, you better go and
get you some food before they run
out of chicken biscuits.
WAYNE SCANLON
Yeah, them breakfast burritos are a
little off this morning.
A dozen extras wait in line, shuffling forward to grab a
foil-wrapped lump and a carton of generic orange drink.
THOMAS COVINGTON
You know, I think I will. Thanks.
Tom sets off across the squishy ground, hopping over a
puddle and squeezing between the rows of tables.
HELEN MITCHELL
Bless his heart.
Genres:
["Drama","Comedy"]
Ratings
Scene
10 -
Jeff's Anxious Wardrobe Selection
INT. WARDROBE DEPARTMENT - LATE MORNING
Jeff bites his nails and sips coffee as he meets with a
middle-aged woman in cat's eye glasses. Measuring tape
draped around her neck, she holds a portable tablet which
displays a photo lineup of mourners.
JEFFREY LACHMAN
What do you think?
She zooms in to focus on Tom Covington in his black suit.
After a moment of careful scrutiny, she shrugs and nods.
JEFFREY LACHMAN (CONT'D)
That's all I needed to hear--
Turning on his heel, Jeff dashes away, sprinting between
rows of hangers as he disappears into the maze of clothing.
Genres:
["Drama","Comedy"]
Ratings
Scene
11 -
New Stand-In Tom Covington Prepares for His Role as the Replacement Godfather
INT. HAIR AND MAKEUP TRAILER - LATER
Tom Covington sits wide-eyed in front of a make-up mirror in
Don Vincenzo's suit. A grey wig is unceremoniously plopped
onto his head. The goth hairdresser tugs and pulls it over
his skull, then fastens it with a pierced mouthful of pins.
BENJAMIN PATEL
Welcome to the party, pal.
Tom grins and looks around at five people being touched-up
in the other chairs. Next to Ben is MATTHEW O'LEARY (20's,
boyish, biracial). Across from Matt is REBECCA LYNN DEERING
(20, doe-eyed brunette).
16.
In the center flexing his triceps sits CHADRICK RASMUSSEN
(25, Danish, hunky) in his new black pompadour and pencil-
thin moustache.
THOMAS COVINGTON
So, are all of you stand-ins?
In the corner, blonde beauty ANASTASIA GLASS scowls as she
sips her green tea.
ANASTASIA GLASS
Not all of us.
Matt rolls his eyes and waves her off as he and Ben admire
Chad's impressive display.
MATTHEW O'LEARY
Yes Barbie, we know.
BENJAMIN PATEL
I'm the organist today, so I'm what
they call 'featured' background.
Stacy snickers sarcastically as Jeff opens the trailer door,
coffee in hand. He shakes the raindrops from his ball cap
and steps inside.
JEFFREY LACHMAN
If you guys are done, I need you on
set with Second Unit.
The group stirs and gathers its things. Tom rises to join
them, but Jeff puts a hand on his shoulder.
JEFFREY LACHMAN (CONT'D)
Not you, Don Vincenzo.
Ben and Matt dish the dirt as they head for the exit.
BENJAMIN PATEL
Food poisoning? Wait, I thought he
was a strict vegetarian?
MATTHEW O'LEARY
That's just PR bullshit. My agent
does Goat Yoga with his publicist.
Finishing touches are put on Tom's new 'do. Jeff crouches to
encourage his replacement Godfather.
JEFFREY LACHMAN
I know this all might seem a little
overwhelming. How you holding up?
17.
THOMAS COVINGTON
A little nervous, I guess.
JEFFREY LACHMAN
Completely understandable.
Don't worry, you'll be great.
Reassured, Tom studies his reflection.
JEFFREY LACHMAN (CONT'D)
I owe you big. You're doing the
studio a huge favor.
THOMAS COVINGTON
A favor? That wasn't a favor. You
made me an offer I couldn't refuse.
Genres:
["Comedy","Drama"]
Ratings
Scene
12 -
Unpleasant Surprises: The Chicken Biscuit Dilemma
INT. EXTRAS HOLDING - MORNING
SUPER: earlier that day
Tom scrapes mud from his wingtips at the back of the food
line. In front of him, BROCK BRADLEY (50's, brawny, rugged)
carries BRIANNA BRADLEY (19, green eyes, petite) in his
arms. The queue crawls ahead two paces through the mud when
Brianna's dress catches the corner of a folding chair.
BROCK BRADLEY
Watch your dress, sweetheart.
BRIANNA BRADLEY
Yes, Daddy.
Concerned, Tom darts in and frees the girl's black evening
gown. She leans back to him with a mischievous grin.
BRIANNA BRADLEY (CONT'D)
(whispers)
I'm not wearing underwear.
The young woman gives the stunned Tom a cheeky wink.
BROCK BRADLEY
You alright, princess?
BRIANNA BRADLEY
Yes, Daddy.
DEONTAE FERNANDEZ
(Cuban accent)
Yo, she's not joking, acere.
18.
Startled, Tom turns to see young black actor and pretend
funeral home employee DEONTAE FERNANDEZ (20, angular face,
wild hair) behind him wearing an amused smirk.
THOMAS COVINGTON
I'll take your word for it.
DEONTAE FERNANDEZ
Esa jeva es un mango. I'd ask her
out, but her pops would kill me.
THOMAS COVINGTON
I would too. I'm a father myself.
DEONTAE FERNANDEZ
No, I mean he's ex-CIA.
He would literally kill me.
THOMAS COVINGTON
That guy? I believe it. He looks
like Kurt Russell ate Vin Diesel.
DEONTAE FERNANDEZ
Well, all I know is Daddy's Little
Girl may look innocent, but--
A commotion at the head of the line stops Deontae mid-
sentence. The remaining extras groan and wander away.
DEONTAE FERNANDEZ
Uh-oh. Coño!
THOMAS COVINGTON
What happened?
DEONTAE FERNANDEZ
They just ran out of chicken
biscuits, yo.
THOMAS COVINGTON
Guess I'll grab a burrito then.
Looks like there's still a few of
them left.
DEONTAE FERNANDEZ
Yeah, good luck with that. I'm out.
Deontae surveys the sea of faces. With a pirouette, he
mambos around puddles over to a nearby table and introduces
himself to its female occupants with a charming grin.
Realizing that everyone has bailed, Tom slogs up to the
craft services table.
19.
An aluminum warming pan sits empty, while a second holds a
dozen foil-wrapped logs. With a sigh, Tom selects one from
the pile.
THOMAS COVINGTON
(mutters)
How bad can it be?
Grabbing one of the few remaining cartons of orange drink,
he tears it open and samples the contents. Swallowing, his
face scrunches up in the sour pucker of instant regret.
THOMAS COVINGTON
--Oh.
ACT THREE
Genres:
["Comedy","Drama"]
Ratings
Scene
13 -
Preparations and Gossip on the Funeral Home Set
INT. FUNERAL HOME SET - AFTERNOON
The set is a hive of activity. Assistants and coordinators
scurry about in preparation for filming.
BEGIN MONTAGE
1. The Darrells raise banks of shrouded light panels.
2. Larry barks out instructions and uses a laptop to dim the
brightness a few points.
3. Cameramen crowd around a rolling dolly and its recording
equipment as it glides along a section of track.
4. Digital milliseconds blip by on a display panel as the
director of photography blocks out the shot.
END MONTAGE
The back of a grey wig is brought in and out of focus before
the lens zooms in over Tom's shoulder. Amid the rows of
empty seats, Matt sits in Elvis Worley's spot busily
scrolling away on his phone.
On the viewing platform, Tom peeks at the floor before
spotting the 'X' of pink gaffer tape that identifies his
mark. He looks up to see Ben at the organist's bench idly
fingering the keys as he shares rumors with Matthew.
THOMAS COVINGTON
Was that a joke?
MATTHEW O'LEARY
I was there and I can confirm that
it was not.
20.
THOMAS COVINGTON
I mean, surely you can't be
serious.
BENJAMIN PATEL
Oh, but I am serious.
And don't call me Shirley.
THOMAS COVINGTON
16 hours on set?
BENJAMIN PATEL
That's a fact, Jack.
THOMAS COVINGTON
Like, in a row?
MATTHEW O'LEARY
That's showbiz, baby.
The remaining stand-ins and featured background actors
filter in, splitting up to assume their previous positions:
BEGIN MONTAGE
1. Family matriarch Helen retakes her front row seat.
2. Stacy sits a row behind, portraying the Don's goomah.
3. Mob enforcer Brock smooths his slicked-back hair.
4. Hitman Chad sips a protein shake while swiping right.
5. Singer Brianna straddles the microphone stand, sticks out
her pierced tongue and takes a selfie.
END MONTAGE
Deontae dances with funeral home employee PENELOPE LAFLEUR
(35, heavyset, infectious smile). He motions to a young
woman reading a script and flashes a hopeful smile.
DEONTAE FERNANDEZ
Hey hermosa, come join us.
Rehearsing her lines as the boss's daughter, Becky Lynn
rolls her eyes and ignores him.
Nearby, Blue Lou Boyle approaches the funeral platform,
tucks a flask into his tuxedo jacket and grins, wrinkling
the edge of his fake scar.
WAYNE SCANLON
Little help?
21.
Wayne puts a hand on Tom's shoulder and climbs into the
casket, sinking into the coffin's plush interior.
WAYNE SCANLON
Think it's time for a nap. Wake me
up when it's over, chief.
With the faint sound of Southern rock in his earbuds, he
folds his hands over his chest and closes his eyes.
In the near-empty audience, Matt suddenly rises in his seat
with a gasp, eyes glued to his phone.
MATTHEW O'LEARY
Ha, I knew it!
Benji's ears perk up as his gossip radar goes off and
several heads turn to hear the breaking news.
BENJAMIN PATEL
Well? Spill the tea, darling.
MATTHEW O'LEARY
Oh dear, it seems SOMEONE leaked
photos of Alistair Rumplestinch
with a mouthful of sausage.
BENJAMIN PATEL
Now, THAT I'd like to see.
THOMAS COVINGTON
He's gay?
MATTHEW O'LEARY
I wish.
THOMAS COVINGTON
So what's the big deal?
BENJAMIN PATEL
Elementary, my dear Watson. He's
not gay, he's--
MATTHEW O'LEARY AND BENJAMIN PATEL
'VEGAN'.
MATTHEW O'LEARY
Says here he supposedly eats a
full-on English breakfast every
morning: Baked beans, grilled
tomatoes, black pudding, the works.
THOMAS COVINGTON
Uh oh.
22.
Caffeinated Jeff zooms onto the set and joins Tom at the
casket. He reaches into Blue Lou's coat, spins the cap from
Wayne's flask, adds a wee dram to his coffee and stirs it
with a ballpoint.
Jeff returns the hooch and cautiously takes a scalding sip.
He puts the dripping pen in his mouth, holds it like a
cigarette, inspects his new stand-in and nods agreeably.
THOMAS COVINGTON (CONT'D)
How am I doing?
JEFFREY LACHMAN
You're doing great Alistair, just
stay on your mark.
THOMAS COVINGTON
Sarah's never gonna believe this.
JEFFREY LACHMAN
Sorry you didn't get to meet him.
Usually Ali stops by the holding
tent before filming to thank the
background.
THOMAS COVINGTON
Yeah. Um, about that. There's
something I've been meaning to--
A squawk of radio chatter in Jeff's earpiece diverts his
attention. He pauses, listening with an index finger raised.
JEFFREY LACHMAN
(headset mic)
Copy that.
(to room)
Alright listen up! Jerry likes what
he sees.
(headset mic)
Kelley, bring our background
friends over to set.
KELLEY DELORENZO (V.O.)
(dejected)
Yeah, sure. Whatever. I mean,
what's the point? Copy that.
JEFFREY LACHMAN
(headset mic)
Stay on target, Gold Leader.
Hang in there Kiki, it gets better.
23.
THOMAS COVINGTON
You do know what happened to those
guys, right?
JEFFREY LACHMAN
They helped defeat the Empire and
became famous?
THOMAS COVINGTON
They went down in flames.
JEFFREY LACHMAN
(grins)
Sounds like a win-win to me.
(to room)
Okay, I need First Team in here.
Let's make a movie, people!
Genres:
["Comedy","Drama"]
Ratings
Scene
14 -
New Extra Meets Seasoned Veteran and Shares Breakfast
INT. EXTRAS HOLDING - MORNING
SUPER: earlier that day
Sitting back at his table, Tom winces as he sips from the
tiny carton of orange drink. His neighbors look on in
amusement as Tom begins unwrapping his breakfast burrito.
WAYNE SCANLON
Man, he must be desperate.
HELEN MITCHELL
Bless his heart.
While he picks at the foil, GLORIA HAYNES (45, bald,
beautiful) approaches Tom's table carrying a takeout
container and several manila folders.
WAYNE SCANLON
There she is.
HELEN MITCHELL
Better late than never, hun.
GLORIA HAYNES
Story of my life, Mama.
(to Tom)
Is this seat taken?
THOMAS COVINGTON
No. Please, sit down. I'm Tom.
Shaking his hand, she smiles and sets down her things.
GLORIA HAYNES
I think I will. Hi, I'm Gloria.
24.
HELEN MITCHELL
What took you so long?
GLORIA HAYNES
Stopped to pick up some breakfast.
Slicing through layers of cellophane with a fingernail, she
pulls away the wrapping and pops open the Styrofoam lid.
WAYNE SCANLON
What ya got there, darlin'?
GLORIA HAYNES
Just a little snack.
HELEN MITCHELL
Crew food again?
GLORIA HAYNES
Better.
Tom re-wraps the breakfast burrito and takes a quick peek to
check out Gloria's steaming pile of hot food. He leans over
to catch a whiff and his stomach growls.
THOMAS COVINGTON
Wow, that smells amazing.
GLORIA HAYNES
Would you like some?
There's absolutely no way I'm gonna
be able to finish all this.
THOMAS COVINGTON
That's very kind of you.
Are you sure?
Gloria dangles a charred, floppy slice of tomato from a
plastic fork and flicks it into the grass.
GLORIA HAYNES
Sure I'm sure. I just want the
scrambled eggs and toast.
THOMAS COVINGTON
Thank you, Gloria. Seriously,
you're a lifesaver. I owe you one.
GLORIA HAYNES
Nah, your welcome. Consider it a
gift on your first day. Here, help
yourself. You can have those beans.
Take the mushrooms and that funky-
ass sausage, too.
25.
Genres:
["Drama","Comedy"]
Ratings
Scene
15 -
Confrontations and Excitement at the Funeral Home Set
INT. FUNERAL HOME SET - EVENING
Jeff sits behind the Director of Photography checking out
the raw feed. Crew members make comments in his earpiece
while the scene draws to a close.
GERHARDT KLUUNDT
And...Cut.
JEFFREY LACHMAN
CUT! That's a cut!
Kelley argues with her phone.
KELLEY DELORENZO
(angry)
Oh yeah, THAT's a cut! Whatever.
GERHARDT KLUUNDT
Dat was good. Lighting looked good?
JEFFREY LACHMAN
Looked great to me.
LAWRENCE MALONE (V.O.)
(earpiece)
Wait for it.
GERHARDT KLUUNDT
Mm-hmm. Ya, dat was very good.
JEFFREY LACHMAN
Best one yet.
MICHAEL WURTZ (V.O.)
(earpiece)
Wait for it.
GERHARDT KLUUNDT
Spot on, ya?
JEFFREY LACHMAN
You really nailed it.
LAWRENCE MALONE (V.O.)
(earpiece)
Don't tell me.
GERHARDT KLUUNDT
Ya, dat was PERFECT. Let's do it
one more time--
26.
MICHAEL WURTZ (V.O.)
(earpiece)
In nature, nothing is perfect and
everything is perfect.
JEFFREY LACHMAN
Hey Jerry, Background is gonna need
a few minutes. A few of our
mourners ate the burritos and need
to use the restroom.
GERHARDT KLUUNDT
Ya, I think we got what ve need.
Let's take a break and reset.
MICHAEL WURTZ (V.O.)
(earpiece)
Hey Jeff, ask Jerry what's up with
that last-minute script revision?
Is the studio changing the ending?
JEFFREY LACHMAN
(headset mic)
I'll ask, but you really gotta stop
doing that. He's already paranoid.
(to room)
That's a break, everybody!
Good job, everyone.
KELLEY DELORENZO
Background, if you need to use the
restroom, NOW'S the fuckin' time!
(bitterly)
Or not, who cares?
JEFFREY LACHMAN
Remember where you were sitting. I
need you all back here in 10.
Tom spots Gloria at the edge of the set. She looks
devastating, dripping with bling in a black evening dress,
loops of caramel hair coiled under a jeweled veil.
In stockings and stilettos, the femme fatale chats quietly
with the script supervisor. He nods and excitedly scrawls on
a legal pad. The inspired writer grabs his notes and calls
out to Jerry excitedly.
Gloria walks over to share a few words with Penelope. The
big girl dances like no one's watching as the ladies enjoy a
playful laugh.
Tom sees his chance and abandons his post, striding
purposefully to confront the suspected food thief.
27.
THOMAS COVINGTON
So, how did you get it?
GLORIA HAYNES
Hey there. You still hungry?
THOMAS COVINGTON
Blackmail?
GLORIA HAYNES
That's an ugly word, Tom.
THOMAS COVINGTON
Extortion?
GLORIA HAYNES
You should be thanking me.
THOMAS COVINGTON
That's not the point.
How did you get it?
GLORIA HAYNES
Like anything else around here.
Networking.
THOMAS COVINGTON
You got it from Alistair's stand-
in, didn't you?
GLORIA HAYNES
No telling where it came from.
THOMAS COVINGTON
You knew that he was selling photos
to the tabloids?
GLORIA HAYNES
Of course. It was my idea.
Doesn't matter now, does it?
THOMAS COVINGTON
Who turned him in?
I guess I should thank them.
GLORIA HAYNES
Thank her yourself.
With a satisfied grin, Penny takes a deep theatrical bow.
THOMAS COVINGTON
You?
28.
GLORIA HAYNES
You're welcome.
PENELOPE LAFLEUR
I'm glad he's gone. He was a dick.
He made fun of my stunt videos.
I trained really hard for them.
GLORIA HAYNES
She's very good.
PENELOPE LAFLEUR
Besides, it was Gloria's idea.
She looks out for us.
GLORIA HAYNES
I try.
PENELOPE LAFLEUR
Plus, we got better parts.
THOMAS COVINGTON
We?
GLORIA HAYNES
Uh, hello? It WAS my idea.
PENELOPE LAFLEUR
I've been preparing for this day my
whole career, and it's finally here
thanks to her.
GLORIA HAYNES
She's gonna get shot.
PENELOPE LAFLEUR
I'm so excited.
THOMAS COVINGTON
What about you? You look like a
Bond girl. What's your role?
GLORIA HAYNES
I'm still working on that.
Genres:
["Drama","Comedy"]
Ratings
Scene
16 -
Kelley's Struggle: A Tense Funeral Home Scene
INT. FUNERAL HOME SET - CONTINUOUS
KELLEY DELORENZO
(dejected)
Silence, Background.
(sigh)
Dead silence.
29.
Trying hard to keep it together, the heartbroken P.A. can
barely squeak out the words before her bottom lip quivers.
KELLEY DELORENZO
Back to--
(sniff)
Back to--
(sob)
Back to one...
HELEN MITCHELL
Someone's having a bad day.
ANASTASIA GLASS
Lord knows I've been there.
HELEN MITCHELL
Pretty sure we all have, dear.
Kelley watches cat videos on her phone and smiles weakly.
ANASTASIA GLASS
Kelley's not so bad.
She's got a tough job.
HELEN MITCHELL
That poor girl deserves a spa day.
ANASTASIA GLASS
Fabulous idea. I'm in. Maybe I'll
ask if she wants to come with--
Kelley looks up and dabs at her eyes with a napkin.
HELEN MITCHELL
We can get our hair and nails done.
ANASTASIA GLASS
I love it! Leave everything to me,
I know the perfect place. Best
mani-pedi in Buckhead. Hot stones,
a little wine, and a nice facial.
Kelley rises and marches over to the chatty extras.
HELEN MITCHELL
Well, speak of the devil.
Here she comes now.
ANASTASIA GLASS
Ooh, this is gonna be so much fun!
30.
KELLEY DELORENZO
(angry hiss)
I said I want SILENCE, background!
ANASTASIA GLASS
Never mind.
HELEN MITCHELL
Bless her heart.
Genres:
["Drama","Comedy"]
Ratings
Scene
17 -
A Morning Encounter with a Vegan Actor
EXT. STUDIO SOUND STAGE - MORNING
SUPER: earlier that day
Emerging from the bathroom, Tom notices that the rain has
subsided and slings his backpack over a shoulder. He walks
toward EXTRAS HOLDING. Lights above the studio doors flash
red and harsh buzzers warn the uninitiated to be quiet.
An army of backgrounders exit the tent. Benji spies Tom,
gives a whistle and waves his arms. The teacher flashes a
peace sign and Ben rejoins the herd marching up the sloppy
hill toward the studio.
As Tom reaches the walkway, the alarm stops and a black
minivan slows to a stop at the curb. The disheveled
passenger gets out in a blazer, linen shirt and jeans.
Alistair Rumplestinch opens a Union Jack umbrella.
THOMAS COVINGTON
It's you.
ALISTAIR RUMPLESTINCH
(British accent)
Yes, well, I suppose it is. Hello.
Unfortunately, I am also dreadfully
late and curse the luck, it would
seem that someone has apparently
misplaced my morning meal and I am
absolutely famished. So yea, good
sir, be there yet any nourishment
remaining within yonder tent?
THOMAS COVINGTON
I have a breakfast burrito--
More than a little star-struck, Tom pulls the suspect bacon,
egg, and processed cheese torpedo from his backpack.
ALISTAIR RUMPLESTINCH
A breakfast burrito, you say?
The hungry Brit eagerly accepts Tom's parcel.
31.
ALISTAIR RUMPLESTINCH (CONT'D)
What a scrumptious gastronomic
treat! This might come as a
surprise to you, but I've never
sampled this particular Yankee
delicacy because, as I'm sure
you're aware, I've been living a
strict vegan lifestyle for quite a
number of years. Tell me, good sir,
what do I owe you? How can I repay
you for your unselfish act?
THOMAS COVINGTON
Could I get an autograph? Maybe a
picture? My wife Sarah is a huge
fan, by the way.
ALISTAIR RUMPLESTINCH
Oh dear. Terribly sorry, old chap.
Afraid I haven't got a pen at the
moment and I must get to wardrobe.
THOMAS COVINGTON
That's OK.
I'm just glad I got to meet you.
ALISTAIR RUMPLESTINCH
I'm sorry it was so brief. I do
hope I wasn't too disappointing.
THOMAS COVINGTON
Not at all. You were nice. You were
humble. You weren't a jerk.
ALISTAIR RUMPLESTINCH
Yes, well, thank you. You're very
kind to say so. My best to Sarah.
As he is led away, the longtime BBC stalwart pauses and
turns back with an Oscar-worthy smile.
ALISTAIR RUMPLESTINCH (CONT'D)
Tell you what; Come find me when we
wrap and I'll sign whatever you
like, take as many photos as you
like. How's that sound?
THOMAS COVINGTON
You had me at hello, Mister
Rumplestinch.
ALISTAIR RUMPLESTINCH
Call me Ali, all my friends do.
32.
Ali unravels the foil from the burrito and takes a big bite
with an impatient assistant tugging at his elbow.
THOMAS COVINGTON
Okay Ali, I will.
Sir Alistair Rumplestinch departs with a cheerful wave and a
newly-acquired case of Salmonella poisoning.
Genres:
["Comedy","Drama"]
Ratings
Scene
18 -
Resolving Character Conflicts and Revealing Future Roles in a Parking Garage
EXT. PARKING GARAGE - NIGHT
A line of cars file out of the parking deck. The elevator
opens. Tom, Gloria, Ben, and Penny exit mid-conversation.
THOMAS COVINGTON
So, let me get this straight.
You're playing my--
I mean, Don Vincenzo's long lost
secret mistress?
GLORIA HAYNES
My character is an informant living
a quiet life in witness protection.
Until you kill our autistic son.
BENJAMIN PATEL
I'm so happy Matthew got the part.
THOMAS COVINGTON
And now you're back for revenge?
BENJAMIN PATEL
She's there to roar and rampage and
get bloody satisfaction.
THOMAS COVINGTON
I'll say. She drives a purple
Cadillac through the doors with
guns blazing and kills me.
I mean, Him.
GLORIA HAYNES
Exactly. Technically it's only one
gun, but yeah, that's the idea.
THOMAS COVINGTON
And we find out the bosses daughter
is secretly in love with Elvis?
BENJAMIN PATEL
Weren't we all?
PENELOPE LAFLEUR
That's when I get killed by you.
33.
THOMAS COVINGTON
You mean Don Vincenzo.
GLORIA HAYNES
Better than that, she saves our
lives diving in front of the gun.
PENELOPE LAFLEUR
No big deal. Barrel roll over the
hood, slide down the bumper to the
floor. Few squibs and a couple
blood bags. Standard stuff.
THOMAS COVINGTON
Then Elvis finds the diamonds and
flies to Tahiti with my daughter.
HIS daughter. Ali's daughter.
BENJAMIN PATEL
Yay! A good, old-fashioned happy
ending. What's wrong with that?
THOMAS COVINGTON
Leaving you to take over as the new
Lady Godfather of Detroit.
GLORIA HAYNES
Better late than never.
But that's all for tomorrow.
PENELOPE LAFLEUR
Are you coming back?
BENJAMIN PATEL
What do you say, Shane?
THOMAS COVINGTON
I don't know, I'll have to talk it
over with Sarah. Kinda bummed I
never got a picture with Alistair.
GLORIA HAYNES
Check your messages.
A text notification shows a new attachment. Tom opens it to
see a video of himself talking with Alistair Rumplestinch.
THOMAS COVINGTON
This is great. You took this?
GLORIA HAYNES
Don't share it with TMZ.
34.
THOMAS COVINGTON
How did you know where to send it?
GLORIA HAYNES
Fear not, doubting Thomas.
Gloria holds up a few typewritten sheets of paper stapled
together at the corner. Benji lets out a startled gasp.
THOMAS COVINGTON
What is it? Larry's homework?
BENJAMIN PATEL
(hushed awe)
The stuff that dreams are made of.
GLORIA HAYNES
The studio's Master call sheet.
BENJAMIN PATEL
Behold. The Holy Grail. The full
legal name, phone number and email
address of basically everyone on
set. Every single B.G., P.A., A.D.,
Crew, Crafty or criminal on this
entire project.
THOMAS COVINGTON
How'd you get your hands on that?
Wait, let me guess--
GLORIA HAYNES
Networking.
CREDITS
POST CREDITS
Genres:
["Comedy","Action","Drama"]
Ratings
Scene
19 -
Mysterious Encounter in the Parking Garage
EXT. PARKING GARAGE - NIGHT
The parking deck is completely empty. 2 pink voucher slips
are caught by a gust of wind and spiral into an updraft. A
crow pecks at the remains of a discarded burrito, only to be
startled by the parting doors of the elevator.
Pushing a wheeled overnight bag with a small cooler perched
on top, the anonymous Asian woman steps onto the rooftop lot
wearing her oversized sunglasses and tinted poker visor.
As if on cue, a white cargo van climbs the ramp and pulls to
a stop beside her. The side door opens and she ambles inside
with her things. It slides closed behind her and the
mysterious vehicle pulls away, heading down the exit ramp
bearing the vanity license plate: YKZA-1.