EXT. BRONX — DAY
From high above the city, we GLIDE DOWN toward a worn-out
used car dealership in the Bronx.
A faded sign reads:
PAPA’S AUTO MART. Since 1969.
The neon’s half-burnt out, and a deflated inflatable tube
man twitches in the wind. Red, white, and blue balloon
arches sway in the wind.
BILLY SQUIER’S “THE STROKE” blares from busted outdoor
speakers.
INT. PAPA’S AUTO MART — SHOWROOM — CONTINUOUS
A sad, greasy car dealership. Neon posters, dusty SUVs. A
fat kid licks a window like it owes him candy.
WACKY WAVING TUBE MAN flails outside
EDDIE GRIEVES (30) — wiry, rumpled, Miami Vice by way of the
clearance rack. Cheap suit jacket, no tie, shirt unbuttoned
one too many. A man who still half believes he’s the star of
a movie no one’s watching.
He stares at a photo of him and his ex.The last good memory.
BOB (40s), loud, lovable, wearing cheap cologne and a
crooked tie, leans in.
BOB
You sure you’re making the right
call, Eddie?
EDDIE
You ever see a dog chase its own
tail?
BOB
Yeah… at my cousin’s wedding.
Eddie sighs, gives the photo one last look...THEN tosses the
picture in the trash.
EDDIE
That’s me. Same shit every day.
Time for a new city, new life.
BOB
Dude — you’re not the first guy to
get dumped. Everybody gets dumped
EDDIE
She left me… for an orgy cult.
BOB
(stunned )
Wait — those are real? Like
Craigslist real?
Eddie shrugs. Bob shakes it off.
EDDIE
Apparently.
BOB
Okay, Listen. It’s Valentine’s Day,
man. I got a hookup. One night
stand, one for the road.
EDDIE
I dunno… I gotta finish packing,
gas up the 4Runner.
BOB
C’mon. Word is, she’ll drain you
like a bad radiator.
Eddie raises a brow.
EDDIE
Is she hot?
BOB
Bro — she’ll suck the life outta
you. Literally.
Eddie thinks. Shrugs.
EDDIE
Okay… one drink. Text me the
details.
Eddie starts clearing his desk. A broken lighter, an old
lotto ticket, a Middle Finger air freshener.
Bob watches, half-impressed.
BOB
I can’t believe you’re quitting. No
plan? No job lined up? No clue
where you’re going?
EDDIE
(deadpan)
Sounds about right.
BOB
That’s…legendary I think.
EDDIE
Yeah — moving somewhere where the
rats don’t outnumber the people.
BOB
Wear your lucky jacket tonight, so
Jane knows it’s you.
EDDIE
(deadpan)
The last blind date you set me up
with had a voice like a foghorn.
BOB
Nah man, this one’s hot. And if you
play your cards right… might get
some Valentine’s action, ya know
what I’m sayin’?
EDDIE
(mocking)
Some action.’ What are we, in
junior high?
BOB
You’ll thank me later.
He digs out a battered cardboard box, tosses in junk... then
stops at a small stack of postcards bound with a rubber
band.
CLOSE ON: A few of them — “Greetings from Bangkok,” “Wish
you were here — Cairo,” “Drinks are cheap — Buenos Aires”.
All signed the same way:
— Pops
Eddie stares. Smirk fades.
EDDIE
(gruff, covering emotion)
Yeah, yeah. World traveler. Phantom
father. One stamp at a time. Good
times.
He shoves them in his box, tosses the box shut.
EDDIE
Closest I got is postcards and
abandonment issues.
He claps the dust off his hands.
EDDIE
I’ll hit up the GM, see if he
signed my recommendation letter.
Eddie heads to a glass office door marked:
PAPALADUPILIS — GENERAL MANAGER
As he opens the door...
BOB
(softly, off Eddie’s
back) )
Hope you find whatever it is you’re
chasin’, man.
Eddie pauses. Just for a second.
Then goes in.
Genres:
["Drama","Comedy"]
Ratings
Scene
2 -
Fired and Flipped Off
INT. GM’S OFFICE — MOMENTS LATER
GEORGE PAPALADUPILIS (50s) — slicked hair, tracksuit jacket.
Mr. Papaladupilis is hunched over his desk, one hand
counting a greasy wad of cash, the other holding a massive,
overloaded gyro dripping tzatziki all over his desk blotter.
Sauce on his jacket, half the pita falling apart, onions
hanging out.
He doesn’t stop eating while talking to Eddie.
Eddie’s half-distracted watching this trainwreck while
trying to ask for a recommendation letter.
EDDIE
Hey, Mr.
Papala…po..Papaldu…George...uh…
just wondering if you signed that
recommendation letter?
GEORGE PAPALADUPILIS doesn’t stop eating, puts down the gyro
and picks up the letter
GEORGE PAPALADUPILIS
This one?
GEORGE PAPALADUPILIS wipes his hands and mouth with it.
EDDIE
(leans in doorway)
You sign that letter for me?
PAPALADUPILIS
You kidding?
EDDIE
I mentioned it last week. It’s my
last day.
PAPALADUPILIS
You’re quitting? A recommendation
letter? That’d be cruel to the next
poor bastard.
EDDIE
So yeah… I’m out. Moving south.
Warmer weather. Cleaner air. Less
rats. I’ll need a referral letter,
you know, for my next gig.
PAPALADUPILIS
You barely sell ten cars a month,
Grieves.
EDDIE
(proudly)
Ten’s double digits.
PAPALADUPILIS
Malaka, I was about to fire your
sorry ass anyway. I just didn’t
want to do it on Valentine’s Day.
Now get the f
(HONNNK!) A kid leans on a showroom horn.
PAPALADUPILIS
outta my office, loser. You’re
fired! A recommendation letter?
Yeah I recommend no one in their
right mind hire you.
EDDIE
(walking out)
Yeah? Well your office smells like
onions so bad all the vampires in
the Bronx are probably steering
clear.
PAPALADUPILIS
Where’s my gun…
He half-heartedly yanks open a desk drawer, gyro still in
one hand, sauce splattering the paperwork.
Eddie hurries out.
EDDIE
(grins, flipping him off)
Okay, thanks. Happy Valentine’s Day
to you too. Suck my d-,
(HONNNK!) Same kid leans on a showroom horn.
EDDIE
Asshole.
PAPALADUPILIS
Jesus! Someone get that kid out of
my showroom car! Where’s my gun…
He starts yanking the desk drawers again.
INT. DEALERSHIP SHOWROOM — CONTINUOUS
BILLY SQUIER’S “THE STROKE” STILL PLAYING
Eddie grabs a box of his crap — including a Middle Finger
air freshener — and heads for the exit.
Eddie storms toward his battered 4Runner, fires it up.
CUT TO BLACK: OPENING TITLE
Genres:
["Comedy","Drama"]
Ratings
Scene
3 -
Eddie's Bronx Drive
EXT. BRONX — DAY
Eddie Grieves tosses his beat-up duffel and a box of crap
into the back of his battered 4Runner.
SLAMS the hatch shut.
INT. 4RUNNER — CONTINUOUS
Eddie drops into the driver’s seat. Fires up the engine. The
dash shudders. He flicks on the radio.
CUE: Teddy Swims’ “The Door.”
OPENING CHORDS ROLL AS EDDIE PULLS ONTO THE STREET.
MONTAGE: EDDIE DRIVING THROUGH THE BRONX
Rolls past potholes. Pizza joints. A guy selling knockoff
sunglasses on a corner. A kid moonwalking badly on a street
corner
OPENING CREDITS begin to roll.
EDDIE
(to himself)
Fresh start. New city. New job.
Same broke-ass car. Two outta three
ain’t bad.
(beat, realization)
Ah, my bad, Meat Loaf.
Eddie makes a sloppy cross on his chest.
Suddenly — POTHOOOOLE.
THUNK. Radio skips.
EDDIE
Shit!
He slaps the dash. Music stutters, then kicks back in.
Genres:
["Drama","Comedy"]
Ratings
Scene
4 -
Traffic Frustration
EXT. BRONX STREET — CONTINUOUS
Eddie rounds a corner — traffic dead stop.
EDDIE
(shouting)
Oh come on, man! It’s not even rush
hour!
HONK-HONK!
EDDIE
What the—
another car horn cuts him off
EDDIE
(mutters, furious)
Seriously?
SLAMS his palm on the steering wheel.
Radio cuts out again. Another slap. Music returns. 4Runner
inches forward.
Not a traffic jam — just a guy double-parked with his
hazards blinking while he yells at a parking meter.
EDDIE
(glaring out the window)
Hope your meter eats your card,
dickhead.
INT. 4RUNNER — CONTINUOUS
Eddie drums his fingers on the steering wheel.
Teddy Swims’ “The Door” still playing.
He eyes the clock. Tight on his face. The night hasn’t even
started yet.
CUT TO:
Genres:
["Drama","Comedy"]
Ratings
Scene
5 -
Eviction Day
EXT. APARTMENT BUILDING — DAY. QUEENS.
Eddie’s 4Runner pulls up to his sad little apartment
complex.
A drone shot hovers, watching him park beside a loaded U-
Haul trailer. His roommates high five each other.
He climbs out.
EDDIE
Ah… thanks, guys!
His three roommates, mid-20s hipsters in varying levels of
judgment, stand by the U-Haul
SEBASTIAN
(Mesh shirt. No socks.
Passive-aggressive
leader)
You’re all set.
MARCELLO
(Bald. Ripped. Smells
like lavender. Refers to
everyone as “girl.”)
Bro, you said you were leaving. We
figured we’d help you out.”
EDDIE
You guys are too sweet. You packed
all my stuff?
(beat)
EDDIE
Wait—where’s my PS5?
THOM (with an H) Nose ring. Cat named Björk. Carries a fan.
He holds a box labeled “NOT IMPORTANT”
EDDIE
Cool. I’ll double-check, grab a
quick shower, then get outta your
hair.
(points to Marcello’s bald head)
MARCELLO
That won’t be necessary. Hand over
your keys, Edward.
EDDIE
Wait… you serious?
THOM (WITH AN H)
Dead serious. Your replacement has
already moved in.
A new guy waves awkwardly — perfect hair, duffel bag, polite
smile.
LAZLO J.Crew ad. Smells like Tom Ford. Probably sings
Chicago in the shower.
LAZLO
Hey, which room’s mine?
EDDIE
What, you guys replacing me with
someone more… rainbow adjacent?
SEBASTIAN
Watch it buster.
EDDIE
Is it ‘cause I’m not on your… uh…
preferred team?
SEBASTIAN
Just give us the goddamn keys
Eddie lingers just a moment before handing over the keys.
Eddie slowly gives him the keys and starts hooking up the
4Runner
EDDIE
(grabbing his stuff)
Fine. Replace me with this guy. Bet
he’s got fancy soaps and knows all
the words to Les Mis.
LAZLO
Actually, it’s Chicago.
EDDIE
Of course it is.
Beat
EDDIE
C’mon, on Valentine’s Day? That’s
cold. I thought you people were
supposed to be... festive.
SEBASTIAN
What people, Edward?
EDDIE
(realizing)
Uh… New Yorkers.
MARCELLO
Smooth save, jackass.
THOM (WITH AN H)
We’ve told you for years, man. You
don’t listen.
EDDIE walks to his car, dejected.
EDDIE
Wow. On Valentine’s Day? Is this
because I’m not… you know… brunch
people?
SEBASTIAN
Brunch people?
EDDIE
You know. Fancy toast. Cocktails
before noon. Pluck my eyebrows.
Whiten my teeth. Wear bright
sweaters tied around my neck?
MARCELLO
Eddie — you suck. That’s why.
THOM (WITH AN H)
And you never paid utilities on
time.
EDDIE
Feels like discrimination.
SEBASTIAN
It’s discrimination against
jackasses.
EDDIE
(to the roommates)
This is ‘cause I don’t wear skinny
jeans and listen to show tunes,
isn’t it?
LAZLO
Have a safe trip, Edward. By the
way, how much was insurance on the
trailer?
EDDIE
Insurance? Please. That’s how they
get you.
LAZLO
You sure you’re making the right
call? Eddie stares at the truck,
shrugs,
EDDIE
Never had an accident in my life.
Pay the extra $12.99 for insurance?
That’s a scam.
SEBASTIAN
You didn’t get the insurance? Bro,
you always get the insurance
EDDIE
Okay fine. No hard feelings. One
more joke before I go?
ALL THREE ROOMMATES
(in unison)
NO.
LAZLO
(smiling)
I wanna hear it.
EDDIE
(pointing)
I like this guy. See? Taste.
Beat
EDDIE (CONT’D)
Why don’t graveyards and this place
ever get overcrowded?
They all stare. Beat.
EDDIE
‘Cause both of you bury people real
quick.
Dead silence.
MARCELLO
Keys. Now.
Eddie sighs, finishes hooking the U-Haul to his 4Runner. The
Middle Finger Air Freshener swings in the mirror.
EDDIE
(under his breath)
Only in New York City.
He climbs into the car. Rolls down the window.
EDDIE
(as he drives off, middle
finger out the window)
Happy Valentine’s Day, assholes!
CUT TO:
Genres:
["Comedy","Drama"]
Ratings
Scene
6 -
Dusk at the Grimy Gas Station
EXT. GAS STATION — BROOKLYN. DUSK.
Eddie’s battered 4Runner pulls up and squeaks to a stop at a
grimy gas station mini-mart. Neon Lotto signs flicker
The place looks like it hasn’t passed an inspection since
Clinton was president.
EDDIE climbs out, starts pumping gas.
A bead of sweat runs down his temple. He lifts his arm,
sniffs his armpit — immediately recoils in horror.
EDDIE
(to himself)
Jesus.
He glances toward the mini-mart.
He leaves the gas pumping, heads for the mini-mart.
As he approaches, a fly buzzes out of the mini-mart and
lands on his shirt.
EDDIE
I get the message buddy, shoo.
Genres:
["Drama","Comedy"]
Ratings
Scene
7 -
Bathroom Blues at the Mini-Mart
INT. GAS STATION MINI-MART — MOMENTS LATER
A chime dings as Eddie enters. Inside: cramped aisles, Lotto
signs, greasy roller dogs spinning under sad heat lamps.
A wall of cheap sunglasses and air fresheners. The whole
place smells like floor cleaner and bad life choices.
Behind the counter, AHMED (40s) — wiry, Bluetooth in one
ear, speaking rapid Arabic into his phone, barely
acknowledges Eddie.
Eddie approaches the counter guy
EDDIE
Hey, I need the bathroom key.
Ahmed barely glances up, still on the phone.
AHMED
It’s for paying customers only,
buddy.
EDDIE
(pointing at his car)
I just filled up outside.
AHMED
In-store paying customers.
EDDIE (CONT’D)
(sighs )
Of course it is.
Eddie sighs, glances around.
MONTAGE (QUICK, SNAPPY CUTS)
Eddie grabs a Gatorade.
A bag of jerky. Doritos.
Slaps them on the counter.
TOTAL: $9.97
Ahmed nods at the screen.
AHMED
Ten-dollar minimum.
EDDIE
You gotta be kidding me.
Eddie grabs a disposable lighter from the counter display.
EDDIE
(under breath)
Jesus
AHMED
We prefer Allah
EDDIE
Highway robbery.
AHMED
Inflation, brother. You want
cigarettes? On sale.
EDDIE
How much?
AHMED
For you, my friend… fifteen
dollars.
Eddie scowls, slaps a pack on the pile.
SCREEN: TOTAL — $31.99
AHMED
(cheerful)
Taxes, huh? That’s why we love
America.
Eddie hands over his card, defeated. AHMED Two percent fee
for credit card purchase
EDDIE
Fine! Can I get the key now?
Ahmed reaches under the counter, holds up a splintered
wooden plank with a single greasy key on a chain.
Eddie grabs a filthy bathroom key attached to a cracked
hockey puck-sized keychain
AHMED
You want a bag?
EDDIE
Of course I do. How else am I
carrying this?
AHMED
One dollar.
EDDIE
Forget it.
He shovels everything into his jacket like a raccoon,
snatches the key, and storms toward the bathroom.
Genres:
["Drama","Comedy"]
Ratings
Scene
8 -
Crunch Time
EXT. BATHROOM DOOR — MOMENTS LATER
Eddie tries the key — nothing. Pushes harder. Nothing. It
won’t budge.
EDDIE
(mutters)
Son of a—
AHMED
(O.S., still on his
phone)
Give it a little push!
Frustrated, he leans into it like a linebacker — door flies
open, nearly knocking him off balance.
CRUNCH.A loud, unmistakable Doritos bag implosion from
inside his pocket.
EDDIE
Goddammit — my chips.
CLOSE ON A PUFF OF ORANGE DORITO DUST SNEAKS OUT HIS JACKET.
Genres:
["Comedy","Drama"]
Ratings
Scene
9 -
Bathroom Reflections
INT. GAS STATION BATHROOM — CONTINUOUS
The door creaks open. Dingy tiles, flickering light. The
kind of bathroom where horror movies start. Toilet hums like
it’s alive.
Eddie shrugs. He sets his stuff down, stares at his
reflection.
Eddie splashes water on his face, shakes it off, tries to
smooth his hair
EDDIE
(to mirror)
Grieves… Eddie Grieves.
Strikes a pose. The sink sputters sideways.
He stares in the mirror. Practices.
EDDIE
(in the mirror)
Hello, I’m Eddie Grieves… Grieves,
Eddie Grieves.
Tries a Bond smirk. Fails. Tries finger guns. Cringes.
Practices a pickup line
EDDIE
(awkwardly)
Hey, you ever ridden in a U-Haul
with a guy who’s only cried twice
this week?
Shakes his head.
EDDIE
(to himself)
Too honest.
Beat. He sighs. Straightens his ratty jacket.
EDDIE
(to himself, muttering)
I need one win, tonight. Alright,
Eddie. One drink, pretend to care,
maybe I get a BJ, and then I’m
outta this city by midnight.
Eddie goes to leave — door won’t budge.
EDDIE
Oh, come on.
He yanks the handle. It sticks. He tugs again, harder — the
door flies open and he smacks his head into the frame.
EDDIE
(under his breath)
Auuuw
Genres:
["Comedy","Drama"]
Ratings
Scene
10 -
A Rose and a Flip Off
INT. GAS STATION — CONTINUOUS
He dusts off his jacket, then clocks a half-wilted single
red rose in a dingy plastic cup by the counter.
EDDIE
Screw it. Might as well show up
with a little class.
Grabs it, tosses it on the counter.
EDDIE
(to Ahmed)
How much for the rose?
AHMED
(without missing a beat)
Ten bucks.
EDDIE
(deadpan)
Of course it is.
Slaps cash down, shoves the rose in his jacket pocket —
orange Dorito dust now clinging to the petals.
AHMED
(handing over the store
phone)
It’s for you
Eddie is confused now. Why would someone call him at the gas
station.
AHMED
It’s Don Johnson, from 1984. He
wants his clothes back
AHMED starts hysterically laughing at his own joke. Eddie
walks out of the store mumbling
AHMED
You look like Miami Vice got
cancelled twice.
EDDIE
Damn foreigners. I’m calling ICE on
your ass
Eddie flips him off without turning around.
As Eddie walks back to the 4Runner rubbing his head, a stray
car horn honk sounds nearby
He climbs into his ride, starts the engine. Middle Finger
air freshener swinging from the rearview mirror.
FADE OUT.
Genres:
["Comedy","Drama"]
Ratings
Scene
11 -
Eddie's Night Out
EXT. MANHATTAN — NIGHT AERIAL
The glittering skyline of Manhattan bleeds into the streets
below. A restless neon river cabs, steam vents, and
impatient horns
The streets buzz with life as we DESCEND toward EDDIE
BLACK EYED PEAS’ “I GOT A FEELING” kicks on over the opening
beats.
EDDIE’S 4Runner creeps down a packed Manhattan Street. U-
Haul in tow.
He mutters, scanning for a parking spot.
EDDIE
(to himself)
Where the hell am I supposed to
park this thing?
He slows as a CONSTRUCTION CREW finishes work in a side
alley.
A beat-up “NO PARKING — ACTIVE CONSTRUCTION ZONE” sign gets
propped up.
The workers pile into a van and pull away.
EDDIE clocks the alley. Eddie’s 4Runner + U-Haul creeps up —
a long reverse turn, crunch of the hitch.
He eyes the “No Parking” sign like a man seeing the Holy
Grail.
Quick glance around — no one watching.
He hops out, removes the sign like a pro thief.
Backs his U-Haul rig in like he’s done this a hundred times.
EDDIE
Problem solved.
He tosses the sign into a trash pile — then rethinks it.
Picks it back up, leans it casually against a bike rack like
it wandered off by itself.
EDDIE
Close enough
Song builds.
EDDIE pops open the U-Haul. Reaches into the U-Haul, pulls
out the pristine white lucky jacket, slips it on.
Dusts it off. Shrugs into it like he’s James Bond.
EDDIE
(to himself)
Tonight’s gonna be a good night.
Checks his reflection in the 4Runner’s window. A crooked,
confident grin. Takes a deep breath, checks himself in the
side mirror, orange Dorito dust still on his collar.
Construction scaffolding stretches along the block EDDIE
walks under the scaffolds as he edges towards a major
intersection.
Bellafino’s Restaurant strait ahead. As he turns the corner,
his phone rings. Red rose in one hand and his cell phone in
the other, pressing hard against his cheek
EDDIE
I’m almost there, Bob. What’s her
name again
BOB (V.O.)
Jane and she’s wearing a blue
dress. You can’t miss her.
EDDIE
She better be hot.
BOB (V.O.)
Word is, she sucks dick like she’s
trying to extract your soul.
EDDIE
(deadpan, not impressed)
You said that about the last one,
Bob. She had dentures.”
BOB
Yeah… but she gummed like a champ.
EDDIE
(walking away)
I hate you.
BOB (V.O)
You’ll thank me later!”
Genres:
["Comedy","Drama"]
Ratings
Scene
12 -
Blind Date Disaster
EXT. BELLAFINO’S ITALIAN RESTAURANT — NIGHT
Eddie arrives, peeks inside, Sees the rough blind date JANE
at a table. He shudders.
EDDIE
(nopes out)
Absolutely not.
He pulls out his phone. Dials.
EDDIE
(into phone)
Bob? You better pick up, you lying
bastard.
BOB doesn’t pick up.
EDDIE
(mutters)
You’re dead to me.
He glances down the street — and that’s when he spots…
Genres:
["Comedy","Drama"]
Ratings
Scene
13 -
Surveillance Shenanigans on Valentine's Day
EXT. RISTORANTE BELLAFINO – NIGHT
A nondescript white surveillance van sits parked half a
block down from the glow of a bustling Italian joint. Tinted
windows. Antennas like TV rabbit ears. Government-grade
boredom inside.
INT. FBI SURVEILLANCE VAN – NIGHT
Cramped, dark, and humming with cheap equipment. Three
overworked FBI agents sit shoulder-to-shoulder, surrounded
by monitors, tangled wires, stale coffee cups, and the
overwhelming scent of something spicy.
HOWIE (Agent #1) — wiry, mid-30s, chewing gum like it owes
him money. Glued to binoculars.
JAY (Agent #2) — cool, sarcastic, hoodie pulled tight over
her headset. She never blinks, and nobody’s brave enough to
ask why.
LUIS (Agent #3) — older, tired, and unapologetically double-
fisting a burrito and a family-size bag of Hot Cheetos like
it’s medicinal.
Suddenly… a man steps into frame.
EDDIE — slick Miami Vice suit, awkward strut, fake
confidence in full effect.
HOWIE
(binoculars, gum
smacking)
Wait... who’s this guy? Some wanna-
be Don Johnson lookin’
motherf(HONK-HONK)ker.
JAY
You got this clown on the wire?
HOWIE
(to Luis)
I don’t even know what he is. He’s
not in our file. Run a facial
recognition, Luis.
LUIS
(still chewing)
Can’t get a clear shot. He’s
covering his face with his phone…
and that stupid red rose.
HOWIE
(snapping)
I swear to God, if you drop one
more chunk of carne asada in the
equipment, Roberto…
LUIS
(dead serious)
It’s Luis. And that’s not carne
asada. That’s tactical beef.
JAY
I can’t believe I’m spending
Valentine’s Day with Huey and Luey.
HOWIE
It’s Howie. And I’m in charge.
Don’t you forget it.
JAY
(dry )
Right. "Special Agent-in-Charge of
Burrito Fumes and Screaming at
Monitors.
HOWIE
(gritting teeth)
Forget the mystery man, for now.
Joey Two-Toes is inside. Talking to
Nikki Moretti.
JAY
Well look who else just walked
in—Fat Tony and Billy Beans. It's
the whole damn mafioso bunch
tonight.
LUIS
(genuine) )
Why do mob guys always have goofy
nicknames?
JAY
Street cred.
LUIS
(nods, deeply convinced)
Mmm. Yeah. That makes sense.
He takes another loud bite of burrito.
HOWIE
(turning back to the
monitors)
Something tells me it’s about to be
a very long-ass Valentine’s Day.
JUMP CUT TO:
Genres:
["Crime","Comedy","Drama"]
Ratings
Scene
14 -
Valentine's Day Tensions
INT. BELLAFINO’S ITALIAN RESTAURANT — NIGHT
Heart decorations strangle the place. Waitstaff wear dumb
cupid wings. Every booth holds an awkward couple negotiating
love, lust, or escape.
This joint has seen it all — mob hits, marriage proposals,
and more bad sauce than good.
Dim lighting. Candles flicker . White tablecloths try to
look classy but can't hide the ketchup stains underneath. An
old jukebox wheezes out Dean Martin, Ain’t That a Kick in
the Head’
Bougie with a body count.
AT A CORNER BOOTH:
NIKKI MORETTI (30s)- Italian American knockout. A sapphire-
blue dress that fits like sin, legs for days, and confidence
sharp enough to cut glass. Built like a vintage Coke bottle
and twice as dangerous. The kind of woman men ruin their
lives over, and she knows it.
She stirs a martini with a slow, calculated swirl. A woman
born in the wrong decade.
Across from her JOEY TWO TOES (40s) — Thick neck, bad
attitude, worse hygiene. Built like a cement truck in a
knockoff designer suit.
Prosthetic two toes on his left foot (don’t ask). Two
bandaged toes peeking from his open Gucci loafers. Picks at
a breadstick, talking fast and too loud.
Trigger-happy, short-tempered, and dumb as a bag of bricks
with a hair-trigger ego. The kind of guy who thinks
subtlety’s a salad dressing.
JOEY TWO TOES
(leaning in)
C’mon, Nikki. Pop’s being generous.
Says you come back, it’s like none
of this happened. No beef. No
score. Clean slate.
NIKKI
(sips, unfazed)
He should’ve thought of that before
he slapped the shit out of me and
he sent a clown like you to deliver
the message.
JOEY TWO TOES
(grins)
Aww, you wound me.
He gestures to a waiter. Nikki’s expression hardens —
sensing this night’s about to go sideways
JOEY TWO TOES
(grins)
Sometimes you gotta tame a wild
stallion, ya know what mean?
NIKKI
I don’t. Nobody hits me. And don’t
even think about ‘taking me out’
JOEY TWO TOES
(grins)
Pops would never give an order like
that. He loves you. Be patient with
the old man
NIKKI
(smiles, ice cold)
I don’t need patience, Joey. I’ve
got insurance.
Joey’s grin stutters. A flicker of fear. Covers it with a
forced laugh. Dabs his sweaty brow.
JOEY TWO TOES
You always were a smart girl.
NIKKI
(smug)
Smarter than you… smarter than
Vinnie.
She stirs her drink, lets it hang.
JOEY
(politely)
Gotta use the head. Be right back.
Don’t move.
NIKKI
Sure thing. Go call your daddy
Joey signals two goons at the bar and strolls off.
AT THE BARSTOOLS THE TWO GOONS SIT AND SIP THERE DRINKS
SLOWLY
FAT TONY (50s) — Round. Greasy. Always eating. Pinky ring
like a doorknob. Jacket two sizes too small.
BILLY “BEANS” GIORDANO (40s) — Twitchy. Chain-smoker. Teeth
the color of weak coffee. Got his nickname from shitting his
pants after bad cannellini beans. It stuck.
They sip. Watching.
Genres:
["Crime","Drama"]
Ratings
Scene
15 -
Red Rose Revelation
INT. FBI SURVEILLANCE VAN – NIGHT
HOWIE
(to Luis)
Alright… Joey just went to the
head. Nikki’s alone. Anything on
facial recognition yet?
LUIS
(staring at monitors)
Running it. Nothing yet.
JAY
What about the red rose? In his
hand?
HOWIE
It’s Valentines Day. Everyone’s got
a red rose
LUIS
(frantic typing)
Holy Bunches of Oats...
HOWIE
What is it, Hermon?
LUIS
It’s Luis. And—get this—the FBI
database flagged a contract killer.
Known as The Red Rose Assassin.
JAY
You think there’s a turf war
brewing?
HOWIE
It’s probably nothing. Keep
digging, Garcia.
LUIS
(under breath)
Asshole
Genres:
["Crime","Comedy","Thriller"]
Ratings
Scene
16 -
Awkward Encounters at Bellefino's
INT. BELLEFINO’S RISTORANTE. NIGHT.
EDDIE stands outside, peeking in. Checks his phone.
EDDIE
(mutters)
Alright… let’s get this over with.
HIS POV:
Woman in a corner booth. Blue dress. And… woof. Think: 8
martinis and dim lighting.
EDDIE sighs. Looks again—sees Nikki. A stunner. Sitting
solo. A drink. A vibe.
EDDIE
(to himself)
I’m going with the upgrade.
He slicks his hair, fixes his jacket. Takes a James Bond
breath (but he's more “discount Bond”). Struts toward
Nikki’s booth.
Nikki watches him approach. One eyebrow raised.
EDDIE slides into the booth, cocky.
JUKEBOX CHANGES: MITCH RYDER — DEVIL WITH A BLUE DRESS ON.
EDDIE
(deadpan)
Well… let’s get this over with.
Nikki eyes him, cool. Calculated. She scans the room.
HER POV: EDDIE GRIEVES — WHITE JACKET, RED ROSE, AWKWARD.
NIKKI
(suspicious)
Did Vinnie send you to handle me
EDDIE
Nah. Bob did. I’m your Valentine,
sweetheart. NIKKI That what they’re
calling it now?
INT. RESTROOM – NIGHT
JOEY paces, checks the mirror. Calls Vinnie Ice.
JOEY
(on phone, in bathroom)
Pop… she said no. Again. She’s
sitting out there like she owns the
place.
Genres:
["Drama","Crime","Romance"]
Ratings
Scene
17 -
Fatherly Tensions and Mafia Laughs
INT. VINNIE ICE’S CLUB – NIGHT
VINNIE “ICE” MALDICCI (60s–70s) — The Don. Impeccably
dressed. Cold eyes. Voice like velvet over broken glass.
Slit-your-throat charm.
VINNIE ICE
(on phone)
You tried? Good. Now I’ll handle
it. I got a guy. Just don’t make a
goddamn scene.
JOEY
I got this Pops… it’ll be quick.
VINNIE ICE
(smirking, low voice, to
Joey)
You know what love is, Joey?
(pause)
It’s like stepping on a Lego in the
dark...Hurts like hell. But you
don’t scream...‘cause you don’t
wanna wake the house. You just
swallow it...Smile. That’s love.
And you?
(MORE)
VINNIE ICE (CONT'D)
You been leavin’ Legos all over my
floor, kid.
JOEY TWO TOES
(nervous chuckle)
C’mon, pops… you know I’d never—I
got this
VINNIE ICE
(interrupts, almost
tender)
Now somebody’s gotta clean up. Come
to the club. I’ll send the guy.
JOEY
I’m a big boy. I wanna do her— I
mean—do it myself.
VINNIE ICE
Son, we all know you can’t shoot
for shit. Just come back to the
club
VINNIE ICE hangs up
JOEY
But pops!
Joey stares at his reflection. Pulls a pistol.
JOEY
I’ll make you proud, Pops
INT. VINNIE ICE’S CLUB – NIGHT
Mobsters gather around a table. Cigars. Grappa. Tension.
VINNIE ICE
My son’s a shmuck but I love him. I
can’t believe I spent ten grand on
a couple of toes for him. I should
have got some knockoffs on Amazon
for $29.99
MOBSTERS
(laughing, hysterically)
Genres:
["Crime","Drama","Thriller"]
Ratings
Scene
18 -
Valentine's Day Mayhem
BACK TO: INT. BELLAFINO’S — NIGHT
INT. BELLAFINO’S ITALIAN RESTAURANT — NIGHT
NIKKI
(stares)
Who the hell are you?
EDDIE
I’m your Valentine.
NIKKI
You plan on killing me in public on
Valentine’s Day?
EDDIE
(awkward)
Only with charm.
He gently places the rose on the table
Across the room, a FURIOUS WOMAN storms toward them — BLIND
DATE GIRL: JANE.
JANE
(furious)
Eddie?
EDDIE
(eyes wide)
Uh… nope. Wrong guy
JANE slams her hands on the table. Silverware rattles.
Guests turn.
JANE
(leaning into his face)
You piece of shit! I’m supposed to
be your blind date. Not this skank!
NIKKI
(tilts head, amused)
You always pick the wrong table?
EDDIE
Only on special occasions. Hey… uh,
you must be Jane.
Suddenly — JOEY TWO TOES bursts from the bathroom, gun
raised.
BANG! He fires — aiming for Nikki — but hits JANE point-
blank in the back of the head. She drops like a sack of
potatoes.
FAT TONY lifts his gun — CLICK. It jams.
BILLY BEANS fires wildly — hits the jukebox.
“JUMP AROUND” by House of Pain blasts.
Instant chaos. Bullets fly. Patrons scream. Tables flip.
Eddie and Nikki dive to the ground behind an overturned
table.
EDDIE
(panting, panicked)
Jesus H. Christ! They’re really
shooting at us!
Glass explodes. Sparks fly. EDDIE ends up on top of NIKKI.
NIKKI
Get off of me...My purse! Get my
purse!
EDDIE
This one?
EDDIE grabs the purse by one strap — BANG!
A shot rips through it.
Joey Two Toes SCREAMS.
His foot explodes — both prosthetic toes GONE.
JOEY
My toes! My fu
(BANG-BANG)
ing toes!
He stumbles, firing wildly, limps toward them, gun still
waving. crashes into a table.
EDDIE panics. Grabs the purse with both hands —
BANG! The gun inside goes off.
EDDIE
(dazed, still holding
purse)
I’m gonna be sick.
He stares at the purse in disbelief.
EDDIE
You didn’t have the safety on?!
NIKKI
(deadpan)
Why would I?
FAT TONY finally gets his gun working.
BILLY BEANS crawls toward the kitchen.
NIKKI
(reaching for the purse)
Give me the gun!
Eddie fumbles with the gun like he’s holding a baby skunk.
EDDIE
(hands trembling)
Here—take it! I didn’t mean it! I
didn’t mean it!
NIKKI grabs it — SHOOTS FAT TONY in the shoulder. He bolts.
She yanks Eddie by the collar.
NIKKI
You idiot, you just killed Joey Two
Toes!
EDDIE
(still stunned)
Is that bad? That sounds bad.
Patrons duck. Glass shatters. Waiters SCREAM.
NIKKI
His dad’s VINNIE ICE!
EDDIE
I don’t know who that is!
NIKKI
You will
A beat — camera holds on two twitching, bloody TOES on the
floor.
A middle finger AIR FRESHENER falls from Eddie’s jacket
pocket onto Joey’s corpse.
NIKKI
(grabbing his collar)
We gotta get the outta here. Move
your ass! Now!
They scramble to the back door and ESCAPE.
EDDIE
This has got to be the worst
date…ever
NIKKI
This ain’t a date
Genres:
["Comedy","Action","Crime","Romance"]
Ratings
Scene
19 -
Urgency in the Shadows
INT. FBI SURVEILLANCE VAN – NIGHT
HOWIE, JAY, and LUIS sit frozen in silence, watching the
monitors.
LUIS mid bite of his burrito.
HOWIE
(calmly)
He just took out Joey Two Toes!
JAY
(confused)
Red Rose Assassin?
LUIS
I can rewind the tapes.
HOWIE
We need to get in there now!
JAY
A little too late now, don’t you
think?
LUIS
It all happened too fast.
HOWIE
It was faster than you can finish
off that smelly burrito.
HOWIE opens the van door and starts crossing the street
JAY
Hold up, Howie!
LUIS finishes his burrito, licking his fingers.
LUIS
(to himself)
This assassin’s pretty good.
Genres:
["Crime","Thriller","Comedy"]
Ratings
Scene
20 -
Clown Shoe Escape
EXT. BELLAFINO’S BACK ENTRANCE— NIGHT.
EDDIE and NIKKI burst through the back door. Eddie clutches
her arm, panting, still gripping the blood-splattered,
Dorito-dusted jacket.
Eddie makes a move toward the 4Runner/U-Haul
EDDIE
C’mon, let’s—
NIKKI
Forget that boat! This way!
She beeps open the door of a TINY, CHERRY-RED MINI COOPER.
Eddie double takes, groans
EDDIE
You drive a clown shoe?
NIKKI
It’s got great legroom!
EDDIE
(pointing back and forth)
I usually don’t think things
through…but I got a good feeling
about this.
Cue: Lady Gaga’s “Bad Romance”
NIKKI
You coming or what?
EDDIE
What’s the worst that could happen
They both dive in. Nikki slams the gas — the MINI COOPER
LAUNCHES down the alley.
Genres:
["Comedy","Action","Crime"]
Ratings
Scene
21 -
Desperate Measures
EXT. BELLAFINO’S BACK ENTRANCE— SECONDS LATER.
Billy Beans bursts out, FIRING wildly into the alley.
BANG-BANG-CLICK.
His pistol jams.
He slaps it. Smacks it again. Nothing.
BILLY BEANS
(staring at gun)
C’mon you piece of shit!
(slaps it)
Work with me here!
FAT TONY drags himself behind him like a wounded walrus,
bleeding from the shoulder.
FAT TONY
(gritting teeth)
I told ya, Beans — you aim with the
other eye.
BILLY BEANS
Shut up, Fat Tony! It’s a depth
perception thing!
(beat)
BILLY BEANS
What the hell are we gonna tell
Vinnie... about Joey?
Distant sirens wail in the background. Police lights flicker
nearby.
FAT TONY
(softly)
I always wanted my last meal to be
cannoli...
Genres:
["Crime","Thriller","Comedy"]
Ratings
Scene
22 -
Chaos at Bellafino's
INT. BELLAFINO’S – NIGHT
HOWIE and JAY step through the shattered front door, weapons
drawn, eyes scanning the wreckage.
Tables overturned. Glass everywhere. BLOOD smeared across
white tablecloths. A toppled heart-shaped balloon drifts
past like a sad omen.
The jukebox wheezes out a warped, demonic version of Dean
Martin’s “Ain’t That a Kick in the Head” — distorted,
dragging, almost Satanic.
HOWIE
(snarling, pointing at
the jukebox)
Somebody turn that devil-summoning
shit off!
JAY
(staring at it)
It’s already dead, boss.
A few pale patrons tremble behind furniture. A WAITER cowers
under the bar. A couple huddles beneath an overturned table.
A few patrons remain, pale and trembling. A WAITER cowers
behind the bar, trembling. A couple clutch each other under
a table.
HOWIE eyes a GUY IN A LEATHER JACKET with a nosebleed.
HOWIE
(to Jay)
You think he’ll talk?
JAY
(mocking mob voice)
Didn’t see nothin’. Didn’t hear
nothin’. Wasn’t even here...
Beat
JAY
Side of marinara.
HOWIE
God, I hate Little Italy.
He flips open a notepad. Jay gestures toward a corner of the
room.
A single shoe sits abandoned near the bar... beside a middle
finger AIR FRESHENER soaking in marinara.
They follow the trail... and find what’s left of JOEY TWO
TOES
They exchange a look. The New York’ll do that to ya kind.
HOWIE
(surveying)
Jesus. Look at this.
He kicks aside a severed prosthetic toe.
JAY
Guess Joey Two Toes is… No Toes
now.
They approach the bar. Behind it, a tall, dark bartender
calmly towels off a glass like nothing happened.
GREG POPOVICH (not the Spurs coach) — smooth, unbothered.
Could be a hitman, could be a retired model.
BARTENDER (GREG POPOVICH)
(toweling a glass, cool
as ice)
You lookin’ for someone, G Man?
HOWIE
You see anything, or are you like
everyone else in here?
BARTENDER
(beat)
Nah. I saw the whole thing go down
HOWIE
(surprised)
You did? Usually, “you people”
don’t talk to us.
BARTENDER
(mock offended)
You people?
(beat )
I’m kidding I always wanted to say
that. I’m not Italian, so I don’t
care.
HOWIE
Really? You’re not Italian?
BARTENDER
Listen G man. Just ‘cause I’m tall,
dark, and handsome and I work in an
Italian place doesn’t make me
Italian. You watch too many
movies.
(leans in)
Ever been to Italy? No? Well, I
have — and I didn’t see one guy
over six feet tall.
HOWIE
Fair enough. Special Agent Howie
Jones.
BARTENDER
Greg Popovich.
They shake hands
HOWIE
Like the basketball coach? You
related?
BARTENDER
If I was, do you really think I’d
be talking to you right now? I’d be
scouting for cheerleaders.
HOWIE
(smirks)
So what happened?
The bartender explains what happened.
BARTENDER
Yeah then Fat Tony pulls out his
Tec-9 Jammed, obviously. Then the
Nikki — boom. Tags him in the
shoulder.
HOWIE
Where’s Fat Tony now?
BARTENDER
Billy Beans dragged his fat ass out
back.
(pause)
Jeez did you go to school for this?
HOWIE
You know a lot about guns
BARTENDER
I’m from Montenegro. Everyone
carries a gun.
HOWIE
You carrying now?
BARTENDER
(hesitant)
Maybe.
HOWIE
Did you fire it?
BARTENDER
Maybe.
HOWIE
You got a license?
BARTENDER
(nodding)
Definitely maybe.
The EMTs burst through the front door and begin tending to
the wounded. Howie exhales, watching them, chewing on the
thought.
HOWIE
(quietly)
This city’s gonna kill me before
the paperwork does.
Genres:
["Crime","Thriller","Comedy"]
Ratings
Scene
23 -
Midnight Escape
EXT. CITY STREET – NIGHT
The MINI COOPER rockets from the alley, narrowly missing a
dumpster, clipping a trash can, sending it spinning.
Tires SCREECH as Nikki runs a red light.
INT. MINI COOPER – CONTINUOUS
EDDIE clutches the door handle, looking back over his
shoulder, as the car veers through traffic.
EDDIE
(panicked)
I think you lost them.
Eddie notices a red splatter on his white suit jacket. His
eyes go wide.
EDDIE
(horrified)
Oh God — no. No this can’t be
happening.
NIKKI
Are you hit?
EDDIE
My jacket! My lucky jacket! It’s
ruined. You think this’ll come out?
NIKKI glances. Dabs her finger on the stain. Tastes it.
NIKKI
Not blood. Marinara.
EDDIE
(relieved)
Thank God.
NIKKI
Yeah... it won’t come out either.
(beat)
NIKKI
Thanks, by the way. You saved my
life back there. That was brave.
EDDIE
I was just trying to be romantic.
NIKKI
I owe you bigtime.
EDDIE
(smirks)
What’d you have in mind?
NIKKI pivots. Fast. side-eyes him.
NIKKI
What’s with the jacket anyway?
Looks like an Elvis impersonator
mugged a bottle of ketchup.
EDDIE tries wiping it off, gives up. Stares out the window
as neon and headlights streak past.
The city stretches below — a patchwork of rooftops, blinking
traffic, fading dreams.
EDDIE
(quietly)
My old man wore this the night he
left. Told me: “When you look good,
you feel lucky. And when you feel
lucky, you make your own luck.”
(beat, then shrugs)
Guess I’ve been chasing that ever
since.
NIKKI
Your good luck jacket?
A silence lingers, heavier now.
EDDIE
Yep.
(beat)
Where we headed?
NIKKI glances in the mirror, watching for tails. Quiet.
Focused.
NIKKI
My place.
EDDIE
Works for me.
NIKKI
Don’t get any ideas, Loverboy. I
need to grab a few things. Now that
you killed Joey Two Toes, Vinnie’s
coming after both of us.
EDDIE
It was an accident.
NIKKI
It was self-defense.
EDDIE
(sarcastic)
I’m sure the courts will totally
see it that way.
NIKKI
We are dealing with Vinney Ice!
There won’t be a court date for us.
A long, awkward silence hangs between them. The weight of
what just happened settles in.
EDDIE
(quietly)
You got any Febreze at your place?
NIKKI
...What?
EDDIE
The jacket. It still smells like
marinara and gunpowder.
NIKKI
It’s better than that Drakkar Noir
you got on.
EDDIE
Hey! It’s Davidoff Cool Water.
The MINI COOPER disappears into the city night.
CUT TO:
Genres:
["Crime","Action","Romance","Comedy"]
Ratings
Scene
24 -
Vengeance in the Shadows
INT. MOB SOCIAL CLUB – NIGHT.
Vinnie Ice’s Club: Arthur Avenue’s oldest mob joint. Faded
portraits of dead men on the walls. Smoke thick as gravy.
Mobsters lean in, drink hard, laugh too loud — not tonight.
Mobsters crowd a long table. Cigars burn. Grappa half-
spilled. Everyone tense after the botched hit.
At the head sits VINNIE “ICE” MALDICCI — sharp suit, sharper
eyes.
He stands slowly. Adjusts his cufflinks. Silence
VINNIE ICE
My son… Joey… Joey Two Toes. Not
the sharpest knife in the drawer,
but he was my blood.
(beat)
VINNIE ICE
When he was born, doctor says:‘He’s
got eight good toes and two little
nubs. I said, ‘Doc, good enough.’
(smiles faintly)
’Cause family… is family.
Everyone stares, nobody breathes. They don’t know where this
is going.
VINNIE ICE
(continues, eyes
narrowing)
Then tonight… not only do they
whack my boy… they blow off two
more toes. Two… More. Now, you’re
thinking, ‘Boss, he was already
dead.’ And you’d be right.
Beat. Looks around the table
VINNIE ICE
But it’s the principle. It’s the
message. Even in death… my boy
deserved ten.
He SLAMS his palm on the table — BOOM. Everyone jumps.
VINNIE ICE
I want this Red Rose ghost buried.
I want his head, his hands, and if
he’s got toes… I want ‘em too.
Dead silence. A mobster nervously clears his throat.
Vinnie smirks. Sits back down. Sipps grappa
VINNIE ICE
Family, fellas. It ain’t
complicated. An eye for an eye, a
tooth for a tooth… and yeah toes
for toes. Even in death… my boy
deserved ten.
He raises a glass.
VINNIE ICE
Now find this Red Rose sonofabitch.
FAT TONY
(grimacing, holding
shoulder)
Goddamn Tec-9, piece of shit!
Shoulda brought the Glock!
VINNIE ICE
This guy kills my boy on
Valentine’s Day? Not even the
Devil’s that cold.
BILLY BEANS phone BUZZES he fumbles his phone.
He checks it — wide-eyed.
BILLY BEANS
Hey boss... footage from the
restaurant.
Footage plays. They freeze frame, zoom in — a business card
left behind.
GOON
We got a name, boss. Eddie Greaves.
Car salesman, Bronx.
VINNIE ICE
(leans in, whispers)
Eddie Grieves… car salesman. Joey
loses two toes… and I’m the one
that… greaves.
Beat. Stands slowly.
VINNIE ICE
Well, Mr. Grieves… you too shall
greave.
Cue dramatic music sting.
VINNIE ICE
An eye for an eye…a soul for a soul
...and toes for toes.
FAT TONY
Can someone take me to the vet?
This bullet’s startin’ to itch.
BILLY BEANS
I got you big guy.
VINNIE ICE
A man without loyalty is like a
dog… without a leash…
(MORE)
VINNIE ICE (CONT'D)
(pause)
or toes.
Vinnie dips his CANNOLI in espresso. Slow bite. The whole
room watches like he’s pulling a pin from a grenade.
VINNIE ICE
I should have sent Mario out sooner
A single spoon clinks against a glass.
CUT TO BLACK.
Genres:
["Crime","Drama","Thriller"]
Ratings
Scene
25 -
Late Night Banter at Bellafino's
EXT. BELLAFINO’S — NIGHT
HOWIE and JAY hurry back across the street toward the
surveillance van.
The van’s now parked outside Bellafino’s, crime scene lights
flashing in the distance.
The windshield fogged, burrito wrappers stacked like
sandbags.
HOWIE
(nods to the restaurant,
dry)
Remind me to never eat there.
JAY
(glances at the broken
window, blood trail)
Too much red sauce for me.
They hop into the van, where LUIS is still glued to the
monitors, Hot Cheetos bag in hand.
Genres:
["Crime","Thriller","Comedy"]
Ratings
Scene
26 -
Surveillance Shenanigans
INT. FBI SURVEILLANCE VAN — NIGHT
Inside: flickering monitors, coffee-stained folders, and
enough static to cause nosebleeds.
The vibe inside is tense, the air heavy with stale burrito
and fresh panic.
LUIS
You guys miss it? I rewound it
twice. It’s like Die Hard but with
worse aim.
HOWIE scrolls through security footage, squinting like he’s
decoding The Matrix.
HOWIE
(into radio)
Yeah, we got a civilian down,
mobster down, restaurant’s Swiss
cheese.
JAY sips burnt coffee with one hand, flipping through a file
with the other. No reaction. Just contempt for everything.
LUIS is mid-bite of a gyro the size of a fire extinguisher.
Howie glances at the screen, still showing Eddie’s dumb face
mid-sprint.
HOWIE
There he is again. The red rose,
the jacket — this guy's like
Valentine’s Day vomit.
JAY
(mutters)
Miami Vice cosplay. Right before
the murder.
LUIS
(spraying tzatziki)
Could this guy be the Red Rose
assassin? I haven’t even finished
my lamb yet.
HOWIE
(mutters)
You’ve had four lambs, Gustavo.
Luis farts.
JAY
(opens the van door)
And that makes five.
HOWIE
He’s in two different angles. Two
cameras. No record. No ID in the
system. No priors. No parking
tickets. Guy's a ghost.
JAY
Or... a guy who knows what he’s
doing and doesn’t suck at life as
much as you.
HOWIE
Could be a pro. Could be a cleaner.
Could be a damn Fed plant we
weren’t told about.
LUIS
Or the Red Rose Assassin?
HOWIE
(sudden realization)
That’s it. What if he's not a pro?
What if it was self-defense?
JAY
Wait—you're going full conspiracy?
HOWIE
Think about it. What if this guy's
just some schmuck? Wrong place,
wrong time, wrong jacket?
Luis farts again. It’s worse.
HOWIE (CONT’D)
Put out a BOLO — suspect’s male,
30s, white jacket, looks like a
Miami Vice audition reject.
JAY
(pulling out Febreze,
spraying violently)
You're both wrong. This guy’s about
to be on every mob hit list and FBI
BOLO from here to Jersey. Dead man
walking.
LUIS
(eating, deadpan)
I gave him ten minutes, tops.
HOWIE
(grim)
Full alert. New designation: “Red
Rose.”
LUIS
That’s not confusing at all.
HOWIE
(sharp)
One more smartass remark and I
swear to God, I’m gonna staple that
gyro to your face.
JAY
(sighs)
Let’s just find the guy before
Vinnie Ice turns him into toe-jam.
HOWIE
Yeah. Before we lose another
suspect to marinara and mayhem.
Luis opens another burrito.
JAY
How are you still hungry?
LUIS
Stress eating. Surveillance makes
me anxious.
Howie slams the keyboard, pulling up DMV match.
HOWIE
Got him — Edward Grieves. Car’s
registered in Queens. Lives in a
shoebox apartment. Probably dead by
sunrise.
JAY
Not before we find out what the
hell he’s doing with Nikki Moretti.
HOWIE
BOLO’s out. Let’s move.
CUT TO:
PING
A low-tech alert ping on a monitor:
FACIAL MATCH: EDDIE GRIEVES. LOCATION: NIKKI MORETTI’S
APARTMENT. (TARGET CONFIRMED)
HOWIE
Well, well, well... Happy freakin’
Valentine’s Day.
SMASH CUT TO:
EXT. NIKKI’S APARTMENT BUILDING — NIGHT
Crickets. Moonlight. Tension.
LUIS (V.O.)
You guys bring any breadsticks?
Genres:
["Crime","Thriller","Comedy"]
Ratings
Scene
27 -
Home Sweet Chaos
INT. NIKKI’S APARTMENT — NIGHT
A surprisingly upscale space — plush velvet couches,
oversized artwork, marble fireplace crackling softly.
Designer clutter everywhere. Shoes on tables. Takeout boxes
on the piano. A hint of expensive perfume… and gunpowder.
The door SLAMS open. They stumble in.
It’s a beautiful disaster: clothes on lamps, dirty dishes in
the sink, pizza boxes on top of pizza boxes, a weirdly
aggressive piece of taxidermy.
NIKKI
(flicks on the light)
Home sweet home
EDDIE
(staring, horrified)
Holy shit. What happened in here?
Did they toss this place? Was it an
earthquake, or are you just a slob?
NIKKI
(shrugs)
Consuela doesn’t come till
Thursday. I’ve been busy.
EDDIE
Yeah? Busy running from the mob or
auditioning for Hoarders?
NIKKI
Both.
She heads straight for the bedroom like this is all normal,
tossing jackets and stepping over a stray bowling trophy.
EDDIE
(half-kidding)
What’re we looking for? Or is this
one of those “if I told you I’d
have to kill you” situations?
NIKKI
Actually — yeah. Passport. A few
things.
(grabbing her bedroom
doorknob)
Be a dear — make us a drink.
Something strong. You look like you
need it.
She disappears into the bedroom.
EDDIE
(to himself, walking
toward the kitchen)
Nice place… if you’re a raccoon
with a gambling problem.
He steps over laundry, empty wine bottles, a framed photo of
Nikki punching a man in the face.
EDDIE
(chuckling)
You’re a peach.
NIKKI (O.S.)
Hey! While you’re judging, make us
a drink. You look like you could
use one.
EDDIE shakes his head, heads for the kitchen.
CUT TO: INT. NIKKI’S KITCHEN
Genres:
["Crime","Thriller","Comedy"]
Ratings
Scene
28 -
Midnight Mayhem in Nikki's Kitchen
INT. NIKKI’S APARTMENT – KITCHEN – NIGHT
EDDIE cautiously steps inside. The place is a warzone.
Dishes everywhere. Takeout boxes. A blender without a lid,
contents hardened into something unholy.
He tiptoes through the mess, opening random cabinets,
hunting for booze.
EDDIE
Yo, Nikki? Where do you…
BAAAAA!
A TINY FAINTING GOAT leaps out from behind a chair.
EDDIE
(half scream, half
squeak)
Yahhh!
The goat locks eyes with him. Freezes. Stiffens.
THUNK. Drops like a brick.
Eddie stumbles back into a table, knocking over a bottle of
olive oil that glugs onto the tile.
EDDIE
(blinking, horrified)
What the hell was that?!
NIKKI (O.S.)
(deadpan, unfazed)
Did you meet Gary?
Eddie cautiously peers down at the stiff little goat.
EDDIE
Jesus Christ, you have a goat named
Gary? I think it’s dead!
NIKKI (O.S.)
He does that sometimes. Don’t judge
us.
Eddie sighs, keeps digging. Opens a random drawer — it’s
packed with pistols, brass knuckles, and what might be a
grenade.
EDDIE
Is this Bed Bath & Beyond… or John
Wick’s summer home?
He picks up a Desert Eagle, practically a hand-held cannon.
EDDIE
What the hell is this? Am I
auditioning for a Guy Ritchie
flick?
THEN — SOMETHING GLEAMS. A SHINY, STAINLESS STEEL PNEUMATIC
CYLINDER.
Eddie picks it up, puzzled.
EDDIE
Is this your dil—?
He accidentally hits a button. WHOOSH!
The thing extends to three feet in a blink, shattering the
olive oil bottle to pieces.
Oil sprays everywhere.
Desperate, Eddie grabs the fainted goat and starts dabbing
at the floor with it.
EDDIE
Gary is making a mess of things in
here!
CUT TO: INT. NIKKI’S BEDROOM – CONTINUOUS
Genres:
["Comedy","Action","Crime"]
Ratings
Scene
29 -
Frantic Preparations
INT. NIKKI’S BEDROOM – CONTINUOUS
The room’s a war zone in silk. Designer chaos. Half a dress
on a mannequin. A lamp duct-taped to the wall. Clothes fly.
Drawers slam.
NIKKI storms through it all like a one-woman hurricane.
She snatches a duffel bag off the bed, stuffing it with
scattered essentials.
A hidden compartment behind a cracked mirror. Inside — a
weathered box.
She opens the box — inside: real morgue toe tags. Each one
dated, labeled, and unmistakably linked to Vinnie Ice’s old
hits. She grabs them, fast.
She hikes up her sapphire-blue dress — A slender blade
glints in a black leather garter sheath on her thigh.
NIKKI
(to herself)
Tags, check. Phone, check. Key...
where the hell’s the key...
She flips open the burner phone. Hits PLAY on a saved
voicemail.
VINNIE ICE (V.O.)
(slurred, half whisper)
Hey Nikki, it’s me... Vinnie. So,
look — if that thing with the guy
at the pier goes sideways, just
remember, we never spoke. And if
anyone asks, I was at the zoo.
Feeding the penguins. I love those
little bastards...
NIKKI
(deadpan)
That’s... actually gonna hold up in
court.
She digs deeper, tossing clothes left and right, still
searching for a locker key.
Genres:
["Crime","Thriller","Action"]
Ratings
Scene
30 -
Silent Threat
INT. NIKKI’S KITCHEN – SAME TIME
The fireplace flickers. A glass of water on the counter.
Condensation sliding down the glass.
EDDIE fumbles with an ice cube tray, muttering to himself.
EDDIE
(under breath)
Nikki? You got a fire going and
you’re not even home — you’re gonna
burn this place down, girl.
He turns — Stops cold.
Standing in front of the fireplace: MARIO. 40s. Slick black
hair. AC Milan tracksuit. Built like a threat. Fireplace
poker in one hand. Suppressed pistol in the other. Cologne
hangs in the air like a warning.
EDDIE blinks, frozen. He drops the ice tray.
CLACK.
Mario raises the silenced gun — slow, steady — and gives a
single, polite nod.
EDDIE
(terrified)
Yo, Nikki...? Can you come here,
please...?
Mario motions him to stay put. No words. Just a dead-eyed
glare and a flick of the pistol.
No answer. Just the crackling of fire. The soft drip of
olive oil. The faint echo of penguins.
Genres:
["Crime","Thriller","Drama"]
Ratings
Scene
31 -
Chaos in the Kitchen
INT. NIKKI’S APARTMENT – NIGHT
NIKKI rushes into the kitchen. Duffel bag strapped between
her breasts like she’s auditioning for Baywatch: Hostage
Edition.
EDDIE, still hands in the air, motions toward MARIO.
EDDIE
Friend of yours?
NIKKI
No. He has no friends.
EDDIE
Who are you?
MARIO finally speaks. Heavy Italian accent. Soft, prissy,
nasal. Think Marvin the Martian doing Goodfellas.
MARIO
(turning casually)
It’s-a me... Mario.
EDDIE
(laughing)
What—no Luigi?
MARIO
(shrugging)
Luigi’s-a dead. You next-a. Vinnie
told-a me, just kill-a da girl...
but I kill-a you-a for free.
EDDIE
I got an idea… how about you don’t-
a kill-a me at all-a.
Mario’s phone rings. He answers in rapid Italian.
MARIO
Pronto, che parla? Si, sono io...
si applicano le tariffe standard,
ma per te farò questo tizio a metà
prezzo.
(Standard rates apply,
but for you, I’ll do
this guy half-off.)
He pockets the phone.
MARIO
Good news-a, Loverboy. I no-a kill
you for free-a.
EDDIE lowers his arms, relieved.
EDDIE
So... I can go?
MARIO
No. I kill-a you now and I make-a
the money. Bonus-a!
NIKKI rolls her eyes, grabs a pistol from the drawer.
BANG! BANG! BANG!
Mario dives behind the couch.
EDDIE lunges for a kitchen drawer, yanks it open — finds a
dusty old revolver. Slips on a rogue bottle of olive oil.
BLAM! — fires upward.
He accidentally fires into the ceiling. Chandelier chain
snaps.
CRASH!
The chandelier clips Mario's shoulder. He stumbles.
MARIO
You gonna pay-a, you son of a —
EDDIE
No. I no pay-a.
NIKKI
(ducking)
Eddie — cover me!
EDDIE
With what? A Yelp review?
Gunfire. Nikki returns fire. Eddie ducks, firing wildly.
Starts charging but keeps slipping in the olive oil, arms
pinwheeling.
Mario fires at Nikki. Nikki peeks from behind a corner wall,
fires back.
EDDIE slides closer to Mario, falls, grabs Mario’s track
suit pants, yanking them down — revealing Super Mario
boxers.
EDDIE scrambles up — accidentally headbutts Mario’s chin.
Mario wobbles..
WHACK!
Eddie grabs a fireplace poker. Swings.
CRACK!
Mario stumbles, pants at his ankles, head snapping toward
Eddie, leaving a red trail on Eddie’s white jacket.
Blood sprays the wall. Mario drops out of frame.
NIKKI watches, horrified, as a metallic thunk echoes.
The poker’s buried in Mario’s temple.
EDDIE
(panicking)
I don’t wanna die in this suit!
NIKKI
Is he dead?
EDDIE
(frozen, horrified)
Aw c’mon, man — the jacket!
He looks down. Bloodstain glistens.
EDDIE
(disgusted)
Oh gross... I think it’s stuck. I’m
gonna be sick.
EDDIE stares at the twitching body, then bolts to the
balcony
Genres:
["Crime","Action","Comedy"]
Ratings
Scene
32 -
Balcony of Regret
EXT. BALCONY – NIGHT
Eddie pukes over the railing. NIKKI joins, rubs his
shoulder.
NIKKI
You okay? It was self-defense.
EDDIE
(checks jacket)
At least it missed the lapels.
NIKKI
We should go. Vinnie’s guys won’t
be far. I got what I came for —
mostly.
EDDIE
(gasping between dry
heaves)
Two bodies in one night. That makes
me... I’m a serial killer.
NIKKI
(casual)
Technically, you need three for
"serial."
EDDIE
(spits, wipes his mouth)
Night’s still young.
BEHIND THEM, Mario STAGGERS UP, poker still embedded in his
skull.
MARIO
(stumbling)
Ughhhh...
EDDIE ducks. Mario trips over Eddie’s back and tumbles over
the balcony.
Genres:
["Action","Thriller","Crime"]
Ratings
Scene
33 -
A Comedic Fall from Grace
EXT. STREET BELOW. CONTINUOUS
SPLAT. Mario lands on a parked car. Roof caves in. Alarm
blares.
EDDIE
(peering down)
Well... killed him again.
NIKKI
(joining him)
This time for sure. Still counts as two, though.
EDDIE
(glaring at her)
You are so encouraging. NIKKI Let’s go.
EDDIE
This has to be the worst date ever.
NIKKI
(furious)
Are you insane? This is NOT a date!
SUDDEN NOISE
GARY
BAAAAA!
Gary the fainting goat stares at them from inside.
EDDIE
(yelps)
Geez!
Gary faints again. The missing key shines on his collar.
NIKKI
So that’s where I left it.
She scoops up Gary, stroking his head.
NIKKI
Why are you all oily?
They step back inside. A huge streak of Blood smears across
the back of his jacket.
As Eddie brushes the wall —
SQUELCH.
A huge streak of blood smears across his jacket.
EDDIE
(deflated)
You’ve gotta be kidding me.
NIKKI
Lucky jacket, huh?
SMASH CUT TO BLACK.
Genres:
["Crime","Action","Comedy"]
Ratings
Scene
34 -
A Night at The Ice Box
EXT. MANHATTAN – NIGHT
The MINI COOPER zips through city traffic, neon lights
streaking past like a late-night fever dream.
INT. MINI COOPER – CONTINUOUS
NIKKI drives like she’s in Formula One. EDDIE is in the
passenger seat, nervously petting GARY, who’s wearing a
seatbelt and visibly trembling.
NIKKI
I need to grab a few things from
The Ice Box.
EDDIE
Wait — like, a cooler?
NIKKI
No, the club.
EDDIE
(beat)
You mean the strip club?
NIKKI
Yup. I used to work there.
EDDIE
Now you tell me?
GARY
BAAAAA!
EDDIE pets Gary faster, like he's trying to calm both of
them.
EXT. THE ICEBOX GENTLEMEN’S CLUB — NIGHT
NIKKI parks the MINI COOPER.
A battered neon sign flickers above the entrance like it’s
on life support. It reads:
EXOTIC GIRLS — CLEAN & SLIPPERY POLES
The “Y” in “SLIPPERY” blinks on and off like it’s debating
its career choices.
Genres:
["Crime","Action","Comedy"]
Ratings
Scene
35 -
Decisions in the Dark
INT. MINI COOPER
NIKKI
I’ll use the back entrance. I’ll be
right back
EDDIE
You want us to just wait here?
EDDIE squints and notices his 4Runner in the distance
NIKKI
You can come with me if you want
EDDIE
What about Gary? You can’t leave
him in here by himself. He’ll chew
up your car.
NIKKI grabs GARY and puts him in the back sit. Takes the key
off his color. She stares at GARY
NIKKI
(to Gary)
You be a good little boy and mama
will be right back
GARY
BAAAAA
NIKKI suddenly screams. GARY freezes and passes out, again
EDDIE
(terrified)
This has to be some kind of animal
abuse, he’s gonna need therapy. And
so am I.
NIKKI leans over and pulls out a small pistol from the glove
box, A .22 derringer.
She hikes up her sapphire blue dress and slips the pistol in
a black leather garter holster.
NIKKI
Listen here, killer. I got some
evidence against Vinnie but it’s
not enough. We can turn it over to
the feds and walk away.
EDDIE looks at her then at his 4RUNNER parked in the
distance, looks at Nikki again.
NIKKI
It’s up to you…killer
NIKKI opens the car door and gets out
EDDIE
I prefer Loverboy
Genres:
["Crime","Thriller","Action"]
Ratings
Scene
36 -
A Night at The Icebox
EXT. THE ICEBOX GENTLEMEN’S CLUB — NIGHT
EDDIE and NIKKI approach the back entrance, Eddie clocking
the sign.
EDDIE
(muttering)
Yeah, this screams high society.
NIKKI
They mop twice a night. That’s more
than your old apartment did in a
year.
EDDIE
(to himself,)
This feels unnecessarily personal.
NIKKI unlocks the back door. They head inside
NIKKI
Are you coming or what?
EDDIE
This might be the weirdest date-
slash-citywide scavenger hunt I’ve
ever been dragged into
NIKKI
It’s not a date
EDDIE
I swear, if one more person tries
to kill me before midnight, I’m
leaving a very strongly worded
review of this city.
Genres:
["Crime","Thriller","Comedy"]
Ratings
Scene
37 -
A Night at The Ice Box
INT. THE ICE BOX – NIGHT
CUE: "Shake That" (clean version) pulsing from the speakers.
Bass THUDS. Neon flickers against velvet walls. Glitter
swirls in the air like airborne regrets. The vibe is half
dream, half fever.
EDDIE and NIKKI push through the crowd — NIKKI moves like
she owns the place. EDDIE gawks like a kid in Disneyland-
for-degenerates.
NIKKI Stay here. Try not to get killed.
She heads for a hallway marked EMPLOYEES ONLY — NO
EXCEPTIONS EDDIE salutes, half-heartedly.
EDDIE
I’ll... hold down the fort.
He turns — just in time to see a dancer flip upside down on
a pole. EDDIE freezes, eyes wide.
EDDIE
(to himself)
God bless America.
He slinks into a sticky booth near the stage. Dancers twirl
lazily. A DJ in a booth that looks stolen from a roller rink
yells into a mic:
DJ (O.S.)
Coming up next — Cinnamon with two
N’s and no shame!
EDDIE watches as a pole dancer spins like she’s trying to
make rent but her heart’s not in it.
Girls in glitter and heels work the room with pro-level
apathy.
EDDIE
(under his breath)
You weren’t kidding. Classy joint.
(pause, glances around)
EDDIE
I got a good feeling about this
place.
He adjusts in the seat — something sticky. He doesn’t want
to know what. He tries to relax. Fails.
EDDIE
(mutters)
Okay. Just sit here. Don’t touch
anything.
He eyes a glowing EXIT sign like it's a lifeline. Then sighs
and watches Cinnamon slide into frame.
Genres:
["Crime","Thriller","Comedy"]
Ratings
Scene
38 -
The Heist of Illusions
INT. THE ICE BOX – BACK OFFICE – NIGHT
A cramped, wood-paneled office straight out of a low-budget
mob movie. A dented file cabinet. An old espresso machine.
A wall safe tucked beneath a framed black-and-white photo of
Frank Sinatra... flipping the bird.
NIKKI steps inside. CLICK. She locks the door behind her.
She kneels at the safe, spins the dial like it’s muscle
memory.
NIKKI
( (to herself) )
Of course he didn’t change it.
Idiot.
CLICK. The safe creaks open.
INSIDE:A SMALL METAL LOCKBOX.
She pulls it out, grabs the key from Gary’s collar out of
her pocket, unlocks the box.
INSIDE:A USB CRYPTO WALLET.A PISTOL. A THIN, LEATHER-BOUND
LEDGER MARKED “THE TEN TOES CHARITABLE FOUNDATION.”
(Fake. Obviously.)
NIKKI
(smirking)
So much for charity.
She tucks the wallet into her bra, flips open the ledger —
pages of fake donations and mob payouts to politicians.
She pockets the pistol, checks the clip. Loaded.
NIKKI
Perfect.
She glances at a dusty mirror, adjusts her dress, and
flashes herself a quick smirk — the kind that gets men
killed and women contracts.
She slams the safe shut, smooths her dress, and heads for
the door like it’s just another Tuesday.
CUT TO:
Genres:
["Crime","Thriller","Drama"]
Ratings
Scene
39 -
Old School Toughness in a Soft World
INT. VINNIE ICE’S OFFICE – NIGHT
Dim lighting. Velvet curtains. A jukebox stuck on Sinatra.
VINNIE ICE paces, a half-smoked cigar in one hand, cell
phone in the other.
FAT TONY and BILLY BEANS hover nearby — silent, anxious, and
sweating meatballs.
VINNIE ICE
Alright — enough of this amateur
hour. Send out a mass text.
Cousins, bookies, ex-wives, guys
who owe me money. I don’t care if
it’s your dry cleaner.
(beat)
VINNIE ICE
Whatever the kids are callin’ it —
group chat, blast, tweetbook,
whatever.
BILLY BEANS
(nervously typing)
Boss, you want emojis or—?
VINNIE ICE
(snaps)
Do I look like a man who uses
emojis?!
BILLY BEANS
No sir. Definitely not, sir.
VINNIE ICE
Good. Find this Eddie Grieves. Find
the girl.
(MORE)
VINNIE ICE (CONT'D)
Bring me their heads — and if you
scuff that white jacket, I swear to
God…
He points the cigar at them like it’s a gun
VINNIE ICE
Go.
They scramble out like cockroaches.
VINNIE ICE
(to himself)
Mass text… what a time to be alive.
I miss the good old days…You walk
up to a guy BAM! Done. Now? You
gotta text first. With emojis.
(shakes his head)
World’s gone soft.
Genres:
["Crime","Comedy"]
Ratings
Scene
40 -
Chaos at The Ice Box
CUT TO: INT. ICE BOX – NIGHTCLUB FLOOR
INT. THE ICE BOX – MAIN FLOOR – NIGHT
EDDIE still in his booth, nervously sipping a flat soda,
watching a dancer half-heartedly twirl to “Yeah!” (clean
version) by Usher.
A burly, drunken GOON lurches over. Leather jacket, pinky
ring, eyes glazed. Breath like diesel fuel.
GOON
(staring at Eddie’s
bloodstained jacket)
Nice jacket, pal. Is that… blood?
EDDIE
( (without missing a
beat) )
Nah. It’s a Versace.
The goon blinks, processing. Starts to laugh. Too loud, too
hard.
GOON
I like you. You’re funny.
He SLAPS Eddie on the back HARD. Eddie nearly chokes on his
drink.
EDDIE
Thanks
The goon staggers off toward the bar, checks his phone…
FREEZES.
Eyes go wide. He spins back around. Pointing
GOON
(shouting)
YOU’RE THE GUY THAT KILLED JOEY TWO
TOES!
EDDIE
Whoa, whoa, whoa — I’m more of a
talk-it-out guy.
The GOON lunges with a sloppy, drunken haymaker.
EDDIE ducks.
The goon’s momentum carries him face-first into the corner
of a table — CRACK.
Silence.
He drops. Not moving. Definitely dead.
EDDIE
(to himself)
I should not be out in public.
(beat)
I need a helmet. And a lawyer.
Maybe a priest.
NIKKI appears, grabbing his arm, pistol drawn.
Patrons scream, bottles shatter, gunshots pop.
MOBSTERS spot them. Guns come out. The bassline drops.
EDDIE panics, grabs a tray of drinks and hurls it. It misses
everything by a mile.
NIKKI delivers a flying knee to a goon. He folds like a
beach chair.
NIKKI
(grabbing Eddie)
You coming or what?
EDDIE
Cinnamon was just about to give me
her number.
She shoves MINI COOPER keys into his hand.
They bolt for the back exit, ducking under neon, bullets,
and stripper glitter.
EDDIE
I didn’t even get to tip Cinnamon.
NIKKI
Tip her next time. Assuming we
live.
Genres:
["Action","Crime","Comedy"]
Ratings
Scene
41 -
Midnight Escape
CUT TO: EXT. BACK ALLEY – NIGHT
EXT. THE ICE BOX – BACK ALLEY – NIGHT
EDDIE and NIKKI burst out the back door, dodging gunfire.
“Kickstart My Heart” by Mötley Crüe kicks in.
They tear through the streets in the MINI COOPER, mobsters
chasing, bullets flying.
EDDIE
(fumbling with the keys)
Why do you have seventeen keys on
this ring?!
NIKKI
Pick one and drive!
EDDIE
I haven’t driven stick since high
school!
NIKKI
It’s an automatic, genius!
They dive into the MINI.
EDDIE
(looking down)
Okay, I’m kidding, thank God.
Beat
EDDIE
You got skulls on your gearshift?
NIKKI
Makes me drive better.
Gary the goat faints again in the backseat as a bullet pings
off the windshield.
EDDIE
(to Gary)
I feel you, buddy.
NIKKI
Drive!
EDDIE slams the gas. The car fishtails out of the alley,
narrowly missing a dumpster.
MOBSTERS spill into the alley behind them, firing wildly.
EDDIE
(white-knuckling the
wheel)
I swear, this was supposed to be a
chill Valentine’s Day!
NIKKI
(smirking)
Guess you should’ve swiped left.
The MINI screeches around a corner, tires smoking.
They tear down empty streets. Gunshots ping off the car.
NIKKI, half-hanging out the passenger window, unloads rounds
at two GOONS chasing on foot.
EDDIE’s eyes go wide.
NIKKI
(to herself, firing)
Come on, come on… you greasy sons
of—
EDDIE
Would you please stop shooting near
my ear?! I already got tinnitus
from the last incident!
NIKKI
Priorities, Eddie! We’re being shot
at!
A GOON steps into the road ahead, pistol raised.
EDDIE
Oh, shi—
The MINI SMASHES into him.
THUD.THE BODY FLIPS OVER THE ROOF AND VANISHES BEHIND THEM.
NIKKI slides back into her seat, lowers her gun.
NIKKI
(deadpan)
It’s official. You’re a serial
killer now.
EDDIE
What? No! He was
(glances in the mirror)
Who wears black standing in the
middle of the street at this hour…
I didn’t even see him.
NIKKI
He was shooting at us.
EDDIE
Okay. Fine. That one’s on me. Self-
defense.
NIKKI
(smirking)
That’s four now. You know that,
right? Four bodies.
EDDIE
Allegedly.
NIKKI
Maybe we should get you a nickname…
The Accidental Reaper? The Clumsy
Hitman?
EDDIE
How about: Guy-Who’s-Trying-His-
Best?
NIKKI
Nah, doesn’t look good on a wanted
poster.
EDDIE
I hate you.
NIKKI
Love you too, killer.
They peel into the night, tires screaming. Behind them:
sirens, smoke, one unconscious goat… And a jacket soaked in
four counts of self-defense.
CUT TO BLACK.
Genres:
["Action","Thriller","Comedy"]
Ratings
Scene
42 -
Valentine's Day Mayhem
EXT. STREET OUTSIDE APARTMENT BUILDING – NIGHT
FBI VAN parked near Mario’s pancaked corpse.
Lights flash. Burrito wrappers everywhere.
HOWIE, JAY, and LUIS step out, surveying the mess.
HOWIE
Is that… Mario “The Martian”
Bertolucci?
JAY
Yeah. Voice of an angel. Soul of a
serial killer.
(beat)
Always smelled like Axe and garlic
knots.
HOWIE
What the hell happened here?
LUIS
Either gravity… or he was picking
his ear with a fireplace poker and
lost his balance.
(beat)
Happens.
HOWIE and JAY just glare at him.
JAY
(deadpan)
We’re late to the party.
HOWIE
(grim)
This guy is ruthless.
JAY
Understatement of the year.
They carefully step around the body, weaving past sobbing
patrons and EMTs.
JAY
(deadpan)
Valentine’s Day in New York.
HOWIE
(to himself)
God, I hate Valentine’s Day.
LUIS
(cheerfully)
I do enjoy the chocolate, though.
Almost as good as Easter but with
less Jesus guilt.
HOWIE
How the hell are we gonna catch
this guy?
JAY
He’s leaving a bloody trail. It
won’t be hard.
LUIS
(nodding)
Yep. Definitely the Red Rose
Assassin. This guy’s good.
HOWIE’S radio crackles.
DISPATCH (V.O.)
Unit 12 — shots fired. Multiple
casualties. The Ice Box Gentlemen’s
Club.
They all glance at each other.
HOWIE
Goddammit.
LUIS
Told you. Red Rose Assassin.
HOWIE
Let’s move.
They hustle back into the van.
JAY
(to herself)
Hope Cinnamon made it out okay.
Tires screech as they tear off down the street.
CUT TO:
Genres:
["Crime","Thriller","Action","Comedy"]
Ratings
Scene
43 -
Reflections of Revenge
INT. VINNIE ICE’S OFFICE – NIGHT
Dim light. Vinyl crackles from a turntable in the corner.
VINNIE ICE nurses a glass of something expensive, staring
out a window over the city. Cold, silent, watching.
FAT TONY sits awkwardly nearby, working on a second cannoli
with assassin-like precision.
VINNIE ICE
(sips, eyes the city)
You know what my old man told me?
(pacing)
He said — Vin… this world don’t
give you what you want. It don’t
hand you the thing you dream about
when you’re starin’ at the ceiling
fan on a summer night. Nah.
(pauses, sips)
It gives you teeth marks. And
bruises. And people you love
turnin’ their backs.
(sips)
And when it does give you somethin’
good… you hold on so tight, you
strangle the life outta it. And
when some wiseass in a white jacket
kills your son in a restaurant on
Valentine’s Day…Well, kid… that’s
personal.
FAT TONY
(nervous)
We’ll get him, boss. Swear on my
mother.
VINNIE ICE
You’re damn right, we will. I’m
goin’ out there now. I’ll do it
myself if I have to. I want his
head on my desk by morning. And the
chick too.
(pause)
I haven’t personally whacked
somebody since the mid-90s.
He stares out the window a beat. Silent. Tense. Then, a
shrug. then glances back at FAT TONY.
VINNIE ICE
Nah… it’s fine. Finish your
cannoli. This can wait.
FAT TONY shoves the last of his cannoli into his mouth and
stands.
FAT TONY
(muffled)
I’ll get the car.
VINNIE ICE
I shoulda sold insurance.
CUT TO:
Genres:
["Crime","Thriller","Drama"]
Ratings
Scene
44 -
Midnight Munchies at Greasy Joe's
INT. MINI COOPER – NIGHT
EDDIE drives the speed limit for once.
NIKKI pets a still-dazed GARY in her lap.
EDDIE
I’m starving. My stomach’s growlin’
louder than your guns.
NIKKI
Pull over — there’s a diner.
EDDIE parks. They hop out, leaving Gary in the car.
EXT. NEON SIGN – GREASY JOE’S — NIGHT
A flickering sign reads:
GREASY JOE’S — HOME OF THE ARTERY BUSTER
And beneath it:
NO VEGANS ALLOWED.
EDDIE holds the door.
EDDIE
After you, m’lady.
Genres:
["Action","Crime","Comedy"]
Ratings
Scene
45 -
Midnight Confessions at Greasy Joe's
INT. GREASY JOE’S — NIGHT
It’s the kind of joint where the health inspector comes for
burgers.
Dimly lit. A dusty TV blares the local news.
Flickering neon fights the gloom.
The only sound is an old jukebox humming something sad.
The BARTENDER, 50s, weathered but sharp, wipes a glass. Nods
for them to sit anywhere — the place is dead.
SPECIALS BOARD: TODAY’S SPECIAL: DOUBLE BYPASS BURGER W/ A
SIDE OF HEARTBURN
They slide into a booth.
A WAITRESS drops off menus and two cups of coffee without
asking.
WAITRESS
Be right back to take your orders.
She shuffles away.
NIKKI sits with her back to the wall, scanning the room.
NIKKI
You take me to the finest places.
They flip open the menus.
MENU HIGHLIGHTS:
THE SLAB (½ LB BURGER, DOUBLE CHEESE, 1 ONION RING)
The Porky Special (extra bacon)
The Meat Circus (no explanation, no refunds)
Fat Freddy’s (it’s not chicken)
Hank’s Half-Pounders (baby cows)
Murder Burger
Grease Lightning Melt
EDDIE
Is this what Yelp meant by
‘authentic atmosphere’?
NIKKI
Real classy joint.
EDDIE
I kinda wanna try the Meat Circus.
NIKKI
Get me the Porky Special. I gotta
freshen up. I think I smell worse
than you.
EDDIE
You mean the blend of gunpowder and
stripper glitter doesn’t turn you
on?
The WAITRESS returns, takes their order without writing it
down, walks off.
EDDIE
(quietly, suddenly)
You ever get the weird feeling
like… someone’s watching you? From
a distance… or the shadows… or
something?
NIKKI
Are you high right now?
EDDIE
I wish I was.
(beat)
Nah, it’s like… when you’re a kid.
You keep thinking maybe he’ll show
up. Fix everything. Fix something.
(turns to her)
EDDIE
But he doesn’t. Ever.
NIKKI
(deadpan)
You sure you're not high?
EDDIE
Pretty sure. Just hungry and…
haunted, maybe. A little high,
perhaps.
(beat)
Don’t worry. It’ll pass. It always
does.
Then she pushes the ledger over and shifts the subject.
NIKKI drops a leather-bound ledger on the table.
Beat. He stares at it.
EMBOSSED: “THE TEN TOES CHARITABLE FOUNDATION.”
NIKKI
This will put him away for life —
and get me out of this city for
good.
EDDIE
I'm sick of this city too. Where do
you wanna go?
NIKKI
(quiet, almost to
herself)
I gave him everything. The best
years of my life. And in return… a
slap across the face?
(Shakes her head)
Not this time.
EDDIE
I would hate to get on your bad
side.
NIKKI
I have to get this to the FBI. Will
you help me?
EDDIE
I think I’m already over my daily
death limit. But fine.
NIKKI
(Dead serious)
You’re a serial killer. What’s the
count now? Three? Four?
EDDIE
Hey, stop it. They came at me. What
was I supposed to do, let ‘em hit
me?
NIKKI
Self-defense. Sure. Let’s go with
that.
EDDIE
(shrugs)
Killed no one… on purpose.
The WAITRESS brings their food — two identical plates.
EDDIE
That was fast… and they look the
same.
WAITRESS
No-speak-a-da-English.
EDDIE
Checks out.
They dig in like it’s their last meal.
EDDIE
(grinning, mouth full)
Say what you want — best burger
I’ve had at 2 a.m. while wanted for
murder.
NIKKI eyes the door, poking at her food.
She finally gets up.
NIKKI
I’m hitting the restroom. Try not
to kill anyone,
EDDIE
Will do. I mean, I won’t… no
promises.
She exits.
The TV drones on:
TV ANCHOR (ON TV)
Police are investigating an
incident downtown where a man was
fatally struck by what witnesses
describe as a… Mini Cooper.
The BARTENDER glances up, snorts.
BARTENDER
(heavy Irish accent)
What the hell’s this world coming
to?
EDDIE
(casual)
It’s New York. What’d you expect?
BARTENDER eyes him.
BARTENDER
Didn’t you just pull up in a Mini?
EDDIE takes a slow sip of coffee.
EDDIE
Who, me? Nah. I’m in a Fiat 500.
Very gas efficient.
Long look.
Bartender shakes his head and walks away.
EDDIE
(to himself)
Guy in the street dressed in black
at 2 a.m.… Darwinism.
He finishes his drink.
Suddenly — the news cuts to a commercial. Soft piano music
swells. Cheesy. Overly sincere.
NARRATOR (V.O.)
(gentle, heartfelt)
Every year… thousands of fainting
goats collapse in pastures, parking
lots, and backyards… alone… afraid…
and dramatically overreacting to
literally everything.
Slo-mo montage: A goat faints at a balloon popping. Another
collapses at the sound of a car door. One sees a cucumber.
Instant drama.
NARRATOR (V.O.)
But you can help. For just $5 a
month, you can provide a fainting
goat with a loving home, soft
grass, and a helmet for clumsy
emergencies.
A child hugs a goat in a tiny helmet. It faints. Adorably.
NARRATOR (V.O.)
And when the world knocks you down…
these little guys get it.
TEXT ON SCREEN: CALL 1-800-GOAT-HUG
NARRATOR (V.O.)
Adopt today. Because courage…
sometimes needs a nap.
Genres:
["Crime","Comedy","Thriller"]
Ratings
Scene
46 -
A Diner Escape
BACK TO: INT. GREASY JOE’S – CONTINUOUS
EDDIE stares, misty-eyed. Serious. NIKKI comes into frame.
EDDIE
(to Nikki)
I want one.
NIKKI
You’ve already got one.
From outside the window, a faint—
GARY (O.S.)
Baaaa...
EDDIE nods, like fate just confirmed it.
A doorbell jingles.
A sharply dressed man walks in.
EDDIE freezes — but it’s just a random guy.
NIKKI storms back in, laser-focused.
NIKKI
(grabbing Eddie’s collar)
Let’s go, Niki Lauda.
EDDIE
(surprised)
I actually know who that is. But
how do you—
NIKKI
(dry)
My dad wanted a boy. So he added an
extra K.
She yanks him out of the booth.
EDDIE tosses a few bills on the table.
EDDIE
(chuckling)
You ever think about therapy?
NIKKI
Only when I’m around you.
They head for the door.
The BARTENDER watches them go.
BARTENDER
(to himself)
New York City. I miss Ireland.
As they reach the door—
WAITRESS
Hey! You look familiar.
EDDIE
(quick)
I get that a lot. One of those
faces.
She narrows her eyes… then shrugs and walks off.
CUT TO:
Genres:
["Crime","Thriller","Comedy"]
Ratings
Scene
47 -
Midnight Escape with a Goat
EXT. GREASY JOE’S — NIGHT
NIKKI and EDDIE hurry out, exhausted.
NIKKI
We have to ditch my car.
EDDIE
My car’s maybe four, five blocks
away.
They ditch the Mini Cooper, grab GARY.
EDDIE
Am I supposed to carry Gary or
what?
NIKKI
Put his leash on. Walk him.
EDDIE
Like a dog?
NIKKI
Yeah. Not weird at all. It’s New
York.
EDDIE
Nothing weird here. Just a dude
walking a goat at 2 a.m. Totally
normal.
NIKKI
It’s like five blocks — we can make
it.
A carload of mobsters cruises by, slow.
They duck behind trash cans.
EDDIE
I’m not runnin’ five blocks with a
goat, lady.
(dials phone)
Uber’s faster.
GARY
BAAAAA.
EDDIE
See? Gary agrees.
NIKKI
You think they’ll let him in a cab?
EDDIE
Not a cab. Rideshare. They’ll take
anybody.
They hustle through a sketchy alley.
Covered in blood, glitter, and goat hair. Silent.
A beat later, a clapped-out 2003 Corolla pulls up, blasting
“Don’t Worry, Be Happy.”
Genres:
["Action","Comedy","Crime","Thriller"]
Ratings
Scene
48 -
Sketchy Rides and Blood-Stained Adventures
INT. 2003 COROLLA
DARIUS
(heavy Jamaican accent )
You guys headin’ somewhere sketchy…
or like, just mildly illegal?
NIKKI
Bellafino’s.
EDDIE
But not too close, yea man.
DARIUS
You funny guy.
(eyes Gary)
Yo, your dog’s ugly. What is it?
EDDIE
Yugoslavian sheepdog.
DARIUS
Ain’t they supposed to be taller
than… two feet?
EDDIE
We just got him.
DARIUS
Congratulations, man.
EDDIE
Thanks. He’s our first.
NIKKI rolls her eyes, but lets out a reluctant smile.
DARIUS
Cool, cool.
A moment later, EDDIE spots the 4Runner.
EDDIE
Yea, man. Stop right here.
Eddie throws some cash into the front seat.
DARIUS
Yugoslavian sheepdog, my Jamaican
ass. That’s a Myotonic goat, fool.
And quite delicious, I might add.
EDDIE and NIKKI pile out.
EXT. ALLEY — NIGHT
EDDIE’s 4Runner parked under a NO PARKING sign.
Next to it, the dented, blood-spattered U-Haul.
NIKKI
(deadpan)
We’re so screwed.
EDDIE
But at least we’re mobile.
(gestures)
Hop in.
Genres:
["Action","Crime","Comedy"]
Ratings
Scene
49 -
High Stakes and Hasty Escapes
INT. 4RUNNER — NIGHT
EDDIE finally behind the wheel of his precious 4Runner.
EDDIE, NIKKI, and GARY buckle up.
NIKKI pulls a tiny USB drive from her sports bra.
Clips it to Gary’s collar.
NIKKI
Stay alive, Gary.
She sets Gary in the back seat.
EDDIE
What was that?
NIKKI
A USB drive. It’ll put Vinnie Ice
away for life.
EDDIE
You put the mob’s downfall… on a
fainting goat
NIKKI
Would you have checked there?
She pets Gary.
EDDIE
No offense — but that might be the
weirdest place I’ve ever seen
someone hide evidence.
NIKKI
Good luck frisking a goat.
EDDIE
(nodding)
Yeah… good point.
(gestures at the leather-
bound ledger)
And that?
NIKKI
Fake charity ledger.
“The Ten Toes Charitable
Foundation.”
Supposed to buy prosthetics for
injured kids. It’s a front for
laundering hit payments.
EDDIE instinctively flicks on the dome light and opens it.
EDDIE
Oh, I gotta see this.
He flips through pages.
EDDIE
Aw, c’mon — Little Timmy made
twenty grand in donations and still
got whacked?!
NIKKI
I think I lost my toe tag
collection, but this should be
enough. I just need to get it to
the FBI.
EDDIE
Toe tag collection… yeah, don’t
even want to know about that one.
How are we supposed to contact the
FBI? Just call ‘em?
Right then — an FBI surveillance van rolls right past.
EDDIE and NIKKI stare after it.
NIKKI
(dry)
We can do that. We just gotta make
sure they’re not on Vinnie’s
payroll.
EDDIE
(staring at the van)
Great. So now we gotta profile them
too?
(beat)
EDDIE
So… what’s your favorite felony?
NIKKI
(blinking)
Excuse me?
EDDIE
Kidding! Sort of.
He nervously switches on the radio.
Van Halen’s “You Really Got Me” blares.
EDDIE
(grinning)
This is my jam.
The dome light stays on.
A slow-moving vehicle creeps up alongside.
Heavy bass pounding.
NIKKI
(serious)
We got company.
EDDIE
Of course we do.
Gunfire.
EDDIE panics, slams into drive.
EDDIE
(shouting )
Hold on, Gary!
They peel out, dragging the dented U-Haul behind them.
Genres:
["Action","Thriller","Crime"]
Ratings
Scene
50 -
Night Chase Mayhem
EXT. CITY STREETS — NIGHT
EDDIE’S 4RUNNER barrels through late-night traffic —
the busted U-Haul trailer bouncing wildly behind, like a
drunk relative.
BULLETS FLY.
Eddie panics, throws it in reverse — fishtails around a
corner.
Cars weave through traffic.
Garbage cans explode. Pedestrians dive for cover.
EDDIE
(yelling over Van Halen)
I’m not even supposed to be here,
man!
NIKKI hangs halfway out the window, firing shots back.
TIRES SCREECH.
HUBCAPS AIRBORNE.
A fire hydrant takes a hit — geyser blast.
EDDIE
(white-knuckling the
wheel)
This is fine. Everything’s fine.
Mob cars swarm in.
A pedestrian narrowly dodges the U-Haul as it skims a
lamppost.
EDDIE blasts through a red light.
BAM!
A box truck T-BONES the U-Haul, tears it off the hitch.
The trailer FLIPS —
Smashing into a hot dog cart.
CART GUY
Sonofa—!
CART GUY dives as the U-Haul explodes in junk food glory.
NIKKI
(deadpan, reloading)
You bought the insurance, right?
EDDIE
(panicked)
Why does everybody keep asking me
that?! Of course I didn’t buy the
insurance! I never do!
Another MOB CAR smashes into the wrecked trailer.
CRASH!
Twisted metal and mustard packets everywhere.
EDDIE
(checks rearview,
deadpan)
Aw, son of a… There goes my
deposit.
The song kicks full throttle.
Van Halen’s “You Really Got Me.”
EDDIE swerves. A mob car clips a fire hydrant.
WATER BLASTS sky-high.
A second car hydroplanes into it — BOOM.
EDDIE
(grinning)
Whoo! That counts as self-defense,
right?
NIKKI
Don’t get cocky.
They TEAR OFF into the night, smoke and water in their wake.
Mobsters on their tail.
Genres:
["Action","Thriller","Crime"]
Ratings
Scene
51 -
Cornered Chaos
EXT. CITY STREETS / CONSTRUCTION ZONE – NIGHT
EDDIE floors it — mobsters tailing close behind. The 4RUNNER
weaves through traffic, tires smoking.
EDDIE
Screw it — shortcut!
He swerves hard — barrels through a row of traffic cones and
a “ROAD CLOSED” sign.
NIKKI
Are you sure you're making the
right call?
BAM!
They tear through a chain-link fence and skid into a
construction site — gravel kicks up, sparks fly.
Dead. End.
Dust settles.
Silence. Then — the rumble of ENGINES.
Headlights cut through the dust like searchlights.
Mob cars flood in, boxing them in.
EDDIE
Oh come on, there’s not even a
Porta Potty to hide behind!
He grabs Gary, leaps out — panicking.
NIKKI jumps out, gun ready — She fires a few shots, click —
empty.
A GOON knocks the pistol away. Another GRABS EDDIE mid-
fumble.
GARY
BAAAAA!
(faints. again.)
They’re overwhelmed — dragged down in the dirt.
EDDIE
(as he's tackled)
I was just trying to get laid, man!
CUT TO:
Genres:
["Action","Thriller","Crime"]
Ratings
Scene
52 -
Foggy Showdown at the Skyscraper
EXT. CONSTRUCTION SITE – NIGHT
From high above the city, we GLIDE DOWN to a unfinished
half-built skyscraper, where the mobsters drag them into the
clearing of the construction site for the big faceoff. The
roof top. Its not finished. Construction equipment
everywhere.
Fog clings to steel beams. Floodlights cut harsh lines
through the mist.
A skeletal crane looms overhead. Neon cranes, foggy
lighting, industrial setting perfect for mayhem.
EDDIE, NIKKI, and GARY stand cornered in a clearing of dirt
and debris.
MOBSTERS circle them, guns drawn.
EDDIE
(panting)
This is not how I wanna die! If I
get to pick, I wanna go like that
dude in Belgium — two models, six
orgasms, and a smile on his face.”
NIKKI
(deadpan)
Ambitious. Aim high, Grieves.
GARY
BAAAA
EDDIE
Yeah, he knows what I’m talking
about.
EDDIE put GARY gently down.
VINNIE ICE steps forward, slick as ever, pistol leveled at
Eddie.
VINNIE ICE
You...You ruined my night. My boy…
Some of my best guys… my favorite
restaurant. And now… now you’re
gonna pay.
He cocks the hammer, smiling.
EDDIE
Look, uh — we could still talk this
out. I got a Yelp account.
(MORE)
EDDIE (CONT'D)
I’ll leave a review. Five stars.
“Very immersive.”
GARY
BAAAA
VINNIE ICE
(pauses, looks at Gary)
What the hell is that?
Suddenly out of nowhere Gary charges VINNIE and headbutts
his shin, then passes out.
VINNIE ICE
OUCH.
EDDIE
That thing’s cursed.
VINNIE ICE
It’s over for you guys. The fat
lady’s about to start singing.
NIKKI
She hasn’t sung yet.
EDDIE
No, but she’s gargling.
— beat —
VINNIE ICE
That hurt, not as much as Nikki
stealing my Bitcoin Wallet. Now be
a sweet heart and tell me where you
put it, then I can kill you. Have
some dignity in death.
EDDIE
(to Nikki)
Wait — you mean this isn’t all
about, like, justice and crap?
NIKKI
Eddie… it’s New York. Everybody’s
got a side hustle.
VINNIE ICE
(points the gun at Eddie)
You ruined my Valentine’s Day. You
killed my boy and you took my
cannoli. Now you’re gonna pay.
Cue: ♫ “And now… the end is near…”
Vinnie Ice raises his gun. He cocks the hammer.
EDDIE
Cannoli? What? Look, uh — it was an
accident, okay?
VINNIE ICE
Say goodnight, Accidental
Valentine.
A smooth voice from the shadows.
♫ “And so I face… the final curtain…”
THE RED ROSE (O.S.)
I can’t let you do that, Vinnie.
BANG. A single shot.
Vinnie’s gun FLIES out of his hand.
Mobsters freeze. Nikki is surprised.
From the shadows steps a tall, sharp figure in a long black
coat.
♫ “My friend… I’ll say it clear…
The RED ROSE ASSASSIN.
Cool, calm, dangerous. Impossibly steady hand.
♫ “I’ll state my case, of which I’m certain…”
EDDIE stares.
Eyes wide. Jacket bloody. Dirt on his face.
EDDIE
Dad?
The Red Rose gives him a small smirk.
VINNIE ICE
(shocked )
What the hell? You said you were
in! You can’t just switch sides.
THE RED ROSE
I just did.
EDDIE
( behind a beam )
I kept all your stupid postcards.
RED ROSE
(grabs him, drags him
behind cover)
I never left you, kid.
EDDIE
Uh, yeah — you kinda did. All you
left me was this dumb white jacket.
RED ROSE
(takes out a goon with
one clean shot)
Lucky jacket.
♫ “I’ve lived a life that’s full…”
EDDIE, dumbfounded, stumbles back — trips over a length of
chain.
EDDIE
Oh come on—
The chain yanks tight, releasing a massive steel beam on a
crane.
It SWINGS through the air
WHAM!
♫ “I traveled each and every highway…”
Barrels though a row of mobsters like bowling pins into a
cement pit.
SLOW-MO
MOBSTERS open fire. Nikki dives for cover.
♫ “And more, much more than this…”
THE RED ROSE calmly, precisely, takes down two more.
EDDIE (O.S.)
I swear, I’m not doing this on
purpose!
NIKKI, still in the chaos, drops goon with a flying kick.
Takes a weapon.
NIKKI
(to Red Rose)
You took your sweet time.
THE RED ROSE
Had to make an entrance.
♫ “I did it… my way.”
A goon trips over him, somersaults headfirst into a stack of
pipes.
Eddie’s hiding behind a cement mixer truck.
Goons open fire, hit the mixer’s controls.
Wet cement bursts out, burying half the mobsters in thick
sludge.
♫ “Regrets, I’ve had a few…”
EDDIE
I definitely meant that one.
NIKKI
(watching, impressed)
Damn.
EDDIE
(amid gunfire)
Well this escalated real quick.
More mobsters open fire.
NIKKI fires back.
♫ “But then again, too few to mention.”
EDDIE
This is officially the worst
Valentine’s Day of my life.
Eddie triggers a giant steel beam swing or domino collapse
while clumsily trying to escape, causing spectacular
carnage.
Nikki finishes off one or two goons cleanly.
♫ “To think I did all that…”
FBI rolls in during the mayhem.
FBI floodlights blaze on.
HOWIE, JAY, and LUIS charge in.
HOWIE
(shouting)
Nobody move! FBI!
Mobsters drop their weapons.
FBI LIGHTS flood the site.
HOWIE, JAY, and LUIS roll up with agents.
HOWIE
Freeze! FBI!
Mobsters drop their guns.
VINNIE ICE, in disbelief, turns to run —
but smacks face-first into a steel beam.
HOWIE cuffs him.
VINNIE ICE
(groaning)
It was the toes… It was always
about the toes…
VINNIE ICE, mid-monologue about toes and loyalty, turns —
cuffs slap onto his wrists.
VINNIE ICE
I was makin’ a point!
HOWIE
Yeah, you’ll have time to workshop
it.
VINNIE ICE
Family, Agent Russo. You win some,
you lose a few toes
HOWIE
(uncomfortable)
Yeah. About that…
Eddie’s trying to sneak out unnoticed. Bloodstained, shirt
half-open, grabs Gary and starts petting him nervously.
He spots a stack of wood crates. Sit on it. The Red Rose
Assassin approaches him
RED ROSE
Looks defective.
EDDIE
(shrugs)
Aren’t we all?
RED ROSE
No, the creates. Listen kid. I have
to go. We’ll be in touch.
EDDIE
We are surrounded on a rooftop by
the FBI
RED ROSE
You, me, the jacket… and fate.
The Red Rose assassin pulls out from underneath his coat a
device and slings himself across to the next building.
RED ROSE
Kid, remember, when you look good,
you feel lucky. And when you feel
lucky, you make your own luck.
EDDIE
Huh?
♫ “And may I say — not in a shy way…”
Eddie stands up in awe. Nikki approaches him.
EDDIE
(awestruck, breathless)
My dad is like an action hero or
something
EDDIE
I guess I’ll see you at the next
shootout.
THE RED ROSE watches from the shadows, one last look at his
kid.
THE RED ROSE
(to himself)
Good kid.
He vanishes into the mist
EDDIE
(half a grin)
Guess it wasn’t my imagination.
FBI rounding up bodies, sirens echoing.
♫ “Oh no, oh no not me…”
Eddie and Nikki stand side by side, bruised, bloody, and
breathing heavy.
EDDIE
(grins, shrugs)
Well… hell of a first date.
Nikki turns, wipes blood and smeared lipstick off her mouth.
Grabs Gary
NIKKI
(soft smile, deadpan)
This was not a date.
EDDIE
(grins)
I was trying to be romantic.
NIKKI
You’re about as romantic as a
parking ticket
EDDIE
Hey — at the diner, I paid for your
fries.
NIKKI
You stole those fries from someone
else’s table.
EDDIE
(smirks)
Details. You know… I thought
Valentine’s Day was gonna be
different this year.
NIKKI
It was. You didn’t die. If I died
like this, I’m haunting you.
EDDIE
Joke’s on you. I’m un-hauntable.
She leans in like she might kiss him — pauses an inch away.
NIKKI
(low, matter-of-fact )
Don’t get me wrong, Eddie — you’re
a nice guy. You saved my life.
Twice. I owe you.
EDDIE
(hopeful)
So… second date?
NIKKI
(smirks)
Not a f*ing chance. You’re not my
type.
She gives him a quick peck on the cheek — then walks away.
NIKKI
You’re an idiot.
Beat.
EDDIE
But I’m your idiot.
Eddie watches her go, touches his cheek, grins.
EDDIE
(to himself)
I’m in.
Eddie casually sits back down
EDDIE
(to himself)
I’m not cut out for this hitman
lifestyle. Maybe I’ll move to
Chicago, sell used Toyotas.
Luis spots Eddie
LUIS
(pointing at EDDIE)
There! There — that’s our guy!
JAY
( leans in, pale, like
she just saw a ghost )
Oh my God… we got the Red Rose
Assassin
HOWIE
(dead serious)
Notify every unit — the Red Rose
Assassin is in play.
Then WHAM — crate breaks
♫ “I did it… my way.”
Eddie flails, stumbles backward, trips over a toolbox, and
falls into a garbage chute.
EDDIE drops down a nearby garbage chute, flailing.
Gunshots behind him
EDDIE
(as he slides)
Oh, come on!
LUIS
(leans back, shakes head)
This guy’s unstoppable
INT. GARBAGE CHUTE – CONTINUOUS
Eddie slides down in a clattering mess of banana peels, beer
cans, and what looks suspiciously like a mannequin arm.
Eddie lands in a dumpster, he sits up covered in trash.
EDDIE
What the...?
Genres:
["Action","Crime","Thriller","Comedy"]
Ratings
Scene
53 -
Valentine's Day Disaster
INT. EXT GARBAGE CHUTE – CONTINUOUS
SLIDING DOWN A CONSTRUCTION CHUTE like a human trash bag.
He lands in a pile of garbage with a wet thud.
He spills out the bottom. Faceplants in a pile of trash.
EDDIE
(to himself)
Well… happy freakin’ Valentine’s
Day.
The car alarm still blaring. Sirens fading.
EDDIE
I should’ve left this city by now…
but no, I gotta go on a damn
scavenger hunt with my date.
He brushes himself off, he is like a deranged tourist, and
limps into the night as sirens wail in the distance. Spots
his 4Runner
EDDIE
(exhausted, pulling at
his grimy, shredded
jacket )
So much for lucky.
He tosses it into the dumpster
behind him.
Sirens in the distance
Eddie limps off into the night, lighter without it —
metaphorically and literally.
EDDIE
(walking, breathless)
F**k this city.
HONK
The car alarm still blaring.
He brushes himself off, , and continuous his mumbling
EDDIE
You know, I’ve had dates go bad
before, but this one’s really
making a play for worst.
Beat.
EDDIE
Like, Jesus, I just wanted one
drink. Maybe a BJ.
As Eddie walks back to the 4Runner rubbing his head, a stray
car horn honk sounds nearby.
Eddie fumbling to open his car door, panicking like a man
who just realized he forgot to pay his rent and owes the mob
money
He climbs into his ride, starts the engine, right away.
EDDIE
Okay. Not what I meant when I said
I needed a win tonight.
EDDIE drives off into the sunset.
There is no sunset — just honking, garbage, and maybe rats.
Which is what makes it a perfect Eddie sunset.
Radio plays “Not Your Man” — Teddy Swims
CUT TO:
ON BLACK
TEXT:
“NO GOATS WERE HARMED DURING THE MAKING OF THIS FILM… THOUGH
EDDIE GRIVES CAME DANGEROUSLY CLOSE.”
*THE MYOTONIC FAINTING GOAT UNION APPROVED THIS MESSAGE.
[Beat]
ON SCREEN:
A PHOTO OF GARY — FAINTED ADORABLY, WEARING A TINY JACKET
AND SUNGLASSES.
TEXT UNDER PHOTO:
GARY (2010–2025)
“TAKEN TOO SOON.”
[Single sad violin sting.]
CUT TO BLACK.
Genres:
["Action","Crime","Comedy"]
Ratings
Scene
54 -
Family Ties and Dark Humor
INT. PRISON. VISITATION ROOM
FBI agent HOWIE RUSSO sits across from VINNIE ICE, tape
recorder running.
VINNIE ICE
(softly, reflective)
Joey… kid loved soccer. I think he
was, what, four… maybe five. Great
feet on the kid. Quick. Natural
talent. Could’ve gone pro. MLS,
maybe Italy, who knows…
He leans in slightly.
VINNIE ICE
It’s funny, y’know… how fate, she
deals you a bad deck of cards. Or
in Joey’s case…
(MORE)
VINNIE ICE (CONT'D)
(slight grin)
…the dealing was cut short.
Literally. He chuckles to himself,
lost in thought.
HOWIE
(hopeful)
You gonna let this thing go,
Vinnie? The kid’s gone. Your
empire’s dust. Nobody else has to
get hurt.”
VINNIE ICE
(leaning in, voice cold,
smirk fading)
You don’t understand family, Russo.
When a dog bites you… you don’t
patch it up. You put it down.
He drums two fingers against the table — calm, calculated.
VINNIE ICE
Eddie Greaves… he’s still
breathing. And so’s that girl. Not
on my watch. Not for long.
Beat.
VINNIE ICE
(smiles again, softly)
Tell my lawyer I want lemon cake
for dessert.
Beat.
He smiles faintly. Off Howie’s uneasy silence…
CUT TO BLACK
TEXT ON BLACK:
EDDIE GRIEVES WILL RETURN… PROBABLY UNINTENTIONALLY.
WITH THE SON OF GARY
POST-CREDITS — EDDIE IN CHICAGO HOLDING A RED ROSE
Genres:
["Crime","Drama","Action","Thriller"]
Ratings
Scene
55 -
Chaos on Saint Patrick's Day
EXT. CHICAGO – SAINT PATRICK’S DAY PARADE – DAY
Green everywhere. Bagpipes blaring. Crowd drunk and rowdy.
Eddie, in a wrinkled green suit jacket now, walks casually
through the crowd holding another single red rose.
EDDIE
(to himself)
New city. New start. Can’t screw
this one up.
He ducks into a little corner bar. Door closes behind him.
INT. CHICAGO DIVE BAR – DAY
Dim, smoky. Neon beer signs flicker. Jukebox plays “Low
Rider” by War.
A BARTENDER wipes down the counter. Regulars scatter around
in hoodies and Cubs caps.
The door CREAKS open.
EDDIE GRIEVES walks in — bruised, bandaged, hair like he
lost a fight with a ceiling fan.
He walks to the bar, plants himself on a stool.
BARTENDER
What’ll it be?
EDDIE
Something cheap. But good.
Bartender slides him a shot of rotgut whiskey.
Eddie sets the rose on the bar. Bartender eyes it.
BARTENDER
Who’s the lucky lady?
EDDIE
(shrugging )
Blind date. We’ll see.
He raises the glass. As he drinks — the camera slowly pans
out through the hazy bar, out through a cracked window.
CAMERA HOLDS on the outside.
A beat of silence.
Then — GUNFIRE. SCREAMING. GLASS SHATTERING.
EDDIE (V.O.)
I swear, I don’t know what I’m
doing… but I’ve got momentum now.
A grenade sound.
EDDIE (O.S.)
Some guys dodge trouble. Me?
Trouble's got my mailing address.
As the bouncer flies through the window…a tiny GOAT bleat
from somewhere off-screen.
EDDIE (O.S.)
Not again. Wait… did someone bring
a goat?
FADE TO BLACK.
THE END
CUE MUSIC "In Your Eyes” by The Weeknd
ROLL FINAL CREDITS
TEXT ON SCREEN:
"VALENTINE’S DAY WAS JUST THE
BEGINNING…"