Read Shaun of the Dead with its analysis

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Scene 1 - A Night at the Pub

Overall: 8.0
Concept: 8
Plot: 7
Characters: 9
Dialogue: 9

by
Simon Pegg and Edgar Wright
SPOOKY NOISES...CURIOUSLY ELECTRONIC...A BELL RINGS...

INT. PUB -NIGHT

LANDLORD (O.S.)
Last orders please.

Close up on the face of a MAN. He draws on his cigarette.

WOMAN’S VOICE (O.S.)
Shaun?

SHAUN stares blankly into space.

SHAUN
Yeah...

WOMAN’S VOICE (CONT’D)
Do you see what I’m saying?

SHAUN
Yeah, totally.

We reveal that SHAUN is sitting with a woman, LIZ. They are
both in their late twenties. LIZ looks slightly concerned,
SHAUN looks slightly confused. They are having a drink.

LIZ
You shouldn’t feel so responsible.

SHAUN
Yeah...

LIZ
I know he’s your best friend but
you do live with him.

SHAUN
I know...

LIZ
It’s not that I don’t like Ed.
(speaks off to her right)
Ed, it’s not that I don’t like you.

ED
S’alright.

We reveal ED right next to them, playing a horror themed
FRUIT MACHINE which bleeps spooky electronic noises. He is in
his late twenties and slightly overweight.
2.

LIZ
It’d just be nice if we could-

ED
(hits the fruit machine)
Fuck!

LIZ
-spend a bit more time together-

ED
Bollocks!

LIZ
-just the two of us-

ED
Cock it!

A beat.

LIZ
We have a laugh don’t we?

SHAUN
Yeah...

SHAUN and LIZ smile, sharing some private joke. SHAUN
relaxes, momentarily off the hook. But...

LIZ
But with Ed always here, it’s no
wonder I end up bringing my
flatmates out. Then that only
exacerbates things.

SHAUN
What do you mean?

LIZ
Well, you guys hardly get on do
you?

SHAUN
No, what does exacerbate mean?

LIZ
It means ‘to make things worse’.

SHAUN
Oh right. Look, it’s not that I
don’t like David and Di.
(speaks off to his right)
(MORE)
3.

SHAUN (CONT'D)
Guys, it’s not that I don’t like
you...

DAVID DIANNE
That’s alright. That’s alright.

We reveal DAVID and DIANNE, sitting next to LIZ. Both in
their late twenties, DAVID is trendy but straight-laced, DI
is colourful and chirpy. They hold hands.

SHAUN (CONT’D)
And it’s not that I don’t want to
spend time with you because I do.
It’s just, Ed doesn’t really have
too many friends-

ED
Can I get any of you cunts a drink?

SHAUN closes his eyes.

ED (CONT’D)
Anybody?

DAVID DIANNE
No thanks. No thanks.

LIZ
I’m fine thanks, Ed.

ED
Pint Shaun?

SHAUN nods. ED holds out his palm to SHAUN, who sighs and
reluctantly hands him a fiver. Meanwhile, DAVID steps in.

DAVID
I know friends are important Shaun,
but you’ve got to set aside quality
time for just the two of you. I
know I would, if I was Lizzy’s
boyfriend.

DAVID looks at LIZ with affection, as DIANNE chips in.

DIANNE
Or get out more. Daffs is always
taking me out to see his listed
buildings, I’m always dragging him
to the theatre.

SHAUN
I’m not so hot on theatre.
4.

DIANNE
I took my students to see this
great new play about incest. Very
cool. Lots of swearing.

LIZ
He’s not so hot on theatre.

DIANNE
Well, how about a nice meal? You
could go to that restaurant me and
Daffs go to. The place that does
all the fish. It’s your anniversary
soon isn’t it?

DAVID
It was last week.

DIANNE
Oh, so did you do anything special?

LIZ
We came here.

SHAUN
Yeah, but that was just me and you.

LIZ
And Ed.

SHAUN
He wasn’t with us.

LIZ
He was sitting at the bar. It’s not
the same.

ED (O.S.)
Shauny, hog lumps!

A packet of Pork Scratchings hits SHAUN square in the face.

LIZ
Shaun, what I’m trying to say is, I
need something a little more.

SHAUN offers her a Pork Scratching. She declines.

LIZ (CONT’D)
More than spending every night in
the Winchester. I mean, I’m 29.
(MORE)
5.

LIZ (CONT’D)
I’ve got things I want to do with
my life, I want to get out there,
do more interesting stuff, live a
little, but I’d love to be able to
do it with you, but I want you to
want to want to do it too.

LIZ laughs grimly at her own silly sentence. She then takes a
pork scratching and regards SHAUN with a mixture of
exasperation and affection.

LIZ (CONT’D)
I don’t want to go on at you,
Jesus, listen to me. I’m beginning
to sound like your Mum. Not that
I’d know what she sounds like.

DAVID
You still haven’t met his Mum?

SHAUN
Not Yet.

DAVID
I can’t believe you haven’t met his
mum.

LIZ
It’s not that simple.

DIANNE
Don’t you get along with your Mum,
Shaun?

SHAUN
It’s not that I don’t get along
with her-

DAVID
Are you ashamed of your Mum, Shaun?

SHAUN
No I’m not, I love my Mum.

ED
(returning with drinks)
I love his Mum.

SHAUN
Ed-

ED
She’s butter.
6.

SHAUN
Ed!

DAVID
Shaun-

DIANNE
Shaun-

SHAUN (CONT’D)
Guys-

LIZ
Shaun-

SHAUN
Liz.
(holds up his hands)
I totally understand what you’re
saying and I agree, really I do. We
should get out there. Do more
interesting stuff. Together. We’ll
start tomorrow, I’ll book a
restaurant. The place that does all
the fish. We’ll do it properly.
Just the two of us. Things’ll
change. Promise.

LIZ
Really Shaun?

The LANDLORD calls time. SHAUN stares back into space.

LIZ (O.S.) (CONT’D)
Shaun?

The BELL rings again. The SPOOKY NOISES continue as...

TITLES BEGIN

A MONTAGE OF GREATER LONDON, Saturday 8 A.M. (All actions in
the sequence are choreographed to the TITLE MUSIC)

...A traffic jam. Drivers stare blankly ahead. A MIDDLE AGED
MAN sits in a Jag wearing DRIVING GLOVES...

...A bus stop. BORED COMMUTERS ignore each other...

...A vast supermarket car park. Customers park up as a bow
tied OLD MAN slowly collects discarded trolleys...

...A 24 hour supermarket serves earlybird customers. A vacant
CHECKOUT GIRL bleeps products through her till...
7.

...A nightclub in an industrial estate expels its last
patrons. DAZED YOUNG CLUBBERS wander into the daylight...

...A nondescript suburb. A BORED KID kicks a FOOTBALL against
a wall. We CLOSE IN on a semi-detached house...

Genres: ["Comedy","Romance"]

Summary The scene takes place in a pub where Shaun, Liz, Ed, David, and Dianne discuss their relationships. Liz expresses her desire for Shaun to be more proactive and do more interesting things together. Shaun is overwhelmed by the conversation but promises to make changes. The conflict arises from Liz's expectations, leading to a mix of lighthearted banter and tension. The scene ends with the landlord calling time, Shaun staring blankly, and spooky noises as the titles begin.

Strengths

Strong character development
Engaging dialogue
Blend of humor and sincerity

Weaknesses

Some repetitive dialogue
Limited external action

Critique

The scene sets up the relationship dynamics between Shaun, Liz, Ed, David, and Dianne effectively, but it lacks depth in terms of character development.
The dialogue feels a bit on the nose at times, with characters explicitly stating their feelings and intentions rather than showing them through actions and subtext.
The interactions between the characters could be more nuanced and layered to create a more engaging and realistic dynamic.
The scene could benefit from more visual storytelling and subtle cues to convey the emotions and conflicts between the characters.
There is a lack of visual variety in the setting, with most of the scene taking place in the pub. Adding more visual elements could enhance the overall impact of the scene.

Suggestions

Consider adding more subtext and nuance to the dialogue to make the interactions between the characters more engaging.
Show the relationships between the characters through actions and reactions rather than explicit statements.
Introduce more visual elements and varied settings to create a more visually dynamic scene.
Focus on character development and depth to make the relationships feel more authentic and compelling.

Scene 2 - Morning Tension and Ed's Antics

Overall: 8.0
Concept: 7
Plot: 8
Characters: 9
Dialogue: 8

INT. HOUSE -DAY

Bare feet shuffle into shot. Slowly we PAN UP to see-

SHAUN. Dead to the world. His face tired. He yawns.

We are in the lounge. The decor is male, the room untidy. ED
is sitting on the sofa, playing a video game.

He may have been there all night. SHAUN sits next to him,
picks up a game controller and presses a button. A VOICE
booms.

GAME VOICE
Player two has entered the game.

ED
Haven’t you got work?

SHAUN puts the controller back down.

GAME VOICE
Player two has left the game.

INT. BATHROOM -DAY

A TOILET is flushed...a SHOWER run...TEETH brushed...

SHAUN now wears a white short-sleeved shirt. He straightens
his tie in the mirrored door of the bathroom cabinet, which
is ajar. He shuts it.

PETE stands in the reflection. His face like thunder.

PETE
You do know the front door was open
again last night?

INT. KITCHEN -DAY

A DRAWER is yanked open...A KNIFE grabbed...TOAST buttered. A
BOTTLE OF MILK hits the table. PETE screws the lid on.

PETE
I’m not saying it was you.
8.

SHAUN
I know man but-

PETE
I’m saying it was Ed.

SHAUN
Right.

PETE returns the milk to its rightful place in the fridge. He
also wears a shirt and tie, but is somewhat smarter.

PETE
I can’t live like this. Look at the
state of it. We’re not students
anymore.

SHAUN
Pete-

PETE
It’s not like he even brings any
real money into the house.

SHAUN
He brings a bit.

PETE
What, dealing drugs?

SHAUN
Come on. He sells a bit of weed
every now and again. You’ve sold
puff.

PETE
Once! At college! To you! Anyway, I
did a lot of stupid things at
college Shaun. I dressed up as
Frank N. Furter, I drank snakebite
and black, I slept with a fat girl.
Doesn’t mean I want to do any of
them for a living.

SHAUN
Look I’ve known him since primary
school. I like having him around.
He’s a laugh.

PETE
What because he can impersonate an
orangutan? Fuck-a-doodle-doo.
9.

SHAUN
What?

PETE
He’s dead weight Shaun.

SHAUN
Oh leave him alone.

PETE
Okay, I admit, he can be pretty
funny on occasion. I had a great
time that night we sat up drinking
Apple Schnapps and playing Tekken
2.

SHAUN
Yeah, when was that?

PETE
Five years ago. When is he going
home?

ED
Whassup niggaz?

ED enters and takes the milk from the fridge, he swigs from
the bottle and wanders out, scratching his nuts.

SHAUN
I’ll have a word.

Genres: ["Comedy","Drama"]

Summary Shaun joins Ed on the couch for video games. After Shaun excuses himself to the bathroom, Pete confronts Shaun about the open front door and suspects Ed is responsible. They argue about Ed's lack of financial contribution and immature behavior. Ed enters the kitchen, drinks milk, and leaves.

Strengths

Sharp dialogue
Well-defined characters
Balanced humor and drama

Weaknesses

Limited emotional depth
Slightly predictable conflicts

Critique

The scene starts with a good visual of Shaun waking up, but it could be more engaging by adding some action or movement to make it more dynamic.
The dialogue between Pete and Shaun feels a bit forced and could be more natural. The conflict between them about Ed's behavior could be more subtly portrayed.
The interaction between Pete and Shaun could be more nuanced to show the history of their relationship and the underlying tensions.
The introduction of Ed with his quirky behavior is interesting, but it could be balanced with more depth to his character to avoid coming off as a one-dimensional comic relief.
The humor in the scene is effective, but it could be enhanced by adding more layers to the characters' personalities and relationships.
The scene sets up the conflict between Pete and Shaun regarding Ed's presence in the house, but it could delve deeper into the emotional stakes and consequences of their dynamic.
Overall, the scene serves its purpose of establishing the relationship dynamics and conflicts, but it could benefit from more subtlety and depth in character development.

Suggestions

Consider adding more visual elements or actions to make the scene more visually engaging.
Work on making the dialogue more natural and nuanced to reflect the complexities of the relationships between the characters.
Explore the characters' backstories and motivations further to add depth and dimension to their interactions.
Balance the humor with emotional depth to create a more well-rounded scene.
Enhance the conflict between Pete, Shaun, and Ed by delving into the underlying tensions and consequences of their dynamic.
Focus on character development to make the interactions more compelling and the conflicts more impactful.

Scene 3 - Flat Mates and a Body on the Tracks

Overall: 8.0
Concept: 7
Plot: 8
Characters: 8
Dialogue: 9

INT. LOUNGE -DAY

SHAUN sits down by ED, who is again playing the video game.
PETE watches at the door.

SHAUN
Hey man, listen...top left...

ED
Thanks.

SHAUN
...I was just going to
say...reload!

ED
I’m on it.

SHAUN
...since you’re...ooh nice shot.
10.

ED
Thanks.

SHAUN
Since you’re in most of the day-

ED’s mobile rings (ring tone: ‘HALLOWEEN’).

ED
Two seconds.
(answers)
Alright Noodle...No I only got an
‘enry. Shortage on...Alright.
Laters.

ED resumes his game. PETE’s seen enough and wades in.

PETE
Ed, since you’re not working at the
moment, could you please clean up a
bit?

ED
I am working.

PETE
Since you are in the flat all the
time do you think you could clean
up a bit?

ED
Yep.

PETE
And if you play the answer machine,
could you take down everyone’s
messages, not just your own?

ED
Yep.

PETE
It’s not that taxing is it? Writing
something on a ‘post-it’ note?

ED
Nope.

PETE’s mobile rings as he leaves (ring tone: ‘LIVE FOREVER’
by Oasis). He puts on his jacket. On the back is a ‘post-it’
reading - ‘I AM A PRICK’

SHAUN sees this and shakes his head wearily at ED.
11.

ED (CONT’D)
Come on. It was pretty funny.

SHAUN
Seriously, will you do what he
said?

ED
I ain’t doing nothing for him.

SHAUN
Well, do it for me then.

ED
(pauses game)
I’m sorry Shaun.

SHAUN
It’s okay.

ED
No, I’m sorry Shaun.

SHAUN puzzles, before his expression turns to disgust.

SHAUN
Oh man that’s bad. You’re rotten.

ED laughs. SHAUN does too, as he covers his nose and mouth.

ED
I’ll stop doing them when you stop
laughing.

SHAUN
I’m not laughing. I’m going.

SHAUN leaves. The phone rings. The answer machine picks up.

PETE (V.O.)
Hi, you’re through to Peter and
Shaun. Please leave a message after
the –

Beep. PUSH IN as the RED LIGHT flashes.

LIZ (V.O.)
Hello Shaun, it’s me. Look I’m
going to be tied up a bit today,
I’ve got twenty year ten essays to
mark and I want to get them out of
the way, so when you book the
table, can you make it eight rather
than seven?
(MORE)
12.

LIZ (V.O.) (CONT'D)
You’re probably not there anyway.
I’ll try you at work. so...okay.
Bye, bye. Bye. Bye.

CLOSER. The RED LIGHT flashes. The screen is filled.

EXT. STREET –CONTINUOUS

BANG. A FOOTBALL hits SHAUN in the head. He turns to see the
BORED KID grinning at him. He responds playfully.

SHAUN
Oh you’re dead!

SHAUN boots the ball back. He walks past PETE in his car and
crosses the road. He heads for the newsagent passing a
HOMELESS MAN in a green coat with a dog on a lead. He stands
with an ARM OUTSTRETCHED. SHAUN gives him some change.

INT. NEWSAGENT -DAY

SHAUN grabs a coke from the fridge and goes to the counter.

SHAUN
Nelson?

There’s no-one there. SHAUN waits, idly scanning across the
day’s papers, their headlines partially concealed.

‘G.M. CROPS BLAMED FOR...’ ‘...UNIDENTIFIED MUTILATED...’
‘...SUPER-FLU...’ ‘...DOWNED SATELLITE CAUSES...’

SHAUN peers closer. As if by magic, the SHOPKEEPER appears.

NELSON
Hello my friend. No beer today?

SHAUN
Bit early for me.

A PALE SUITED MAN enters hurriedly, as we follow SHAUN out.

PALE SUITED MAN (O.S.)
Do you have any Aspirin?

NELSON (O.S.)
Sold out.
13.

EXT. TUBE STATION -DAY

COMMUTER
What!?

STATION GUARD
Body on the line.

SHAUN stands amid LIVID COMMUTERS. A POLICE CAR blazes past.

Genres: ["Comedy","Drama"]

Summary Shaun tries to tidy up the flat but Ed and Pete refuse. Shaun leaves after a humorous exchange with Ed. Liz leaves a message asking Shaun to book a table for eight. Shaun encounters various characters, including a bored kid, a homeless man, a shopkeeper, and a man in a pale suit. He witnesses a body on the train tracks, causing disruption to commuters.

Strengths

Effective dialogue
Humorous tone
Character dynamics

Weaknesses

Lack of high emotional impact
Limited character development in this scene

Critique

The scene lacks a clear focus and purpose, with multiple elements introduced but not fully developed or resolved.
The dialogue between Shaun, Ed, and Pete feels disjointed and lacks depth, making it difficult for the audience to connect with the characters.
The humor in the scene, such as the 'post-it' note prank, feels forced and falls flat, detracting from the overall tone of the scene.
There is a lack of visual description and detail, making it hard to visualize the setting and characters' actions.
The transition between different interactions and locations is abrupt and could be smoother to improve the flow of the scene.

Suggestions

Focus on developing a clear objective or conflict within the scene to drive the characters' actions and dialogue.
Refine the dialogue to make it more engaging and meaningful, adding depth to the characters' relationships and motivations.
Consider incorporating more visual cues and descriptions to enhance the atmosphere and setting of the scene.
Work on creating a more seamless transition between different interactions and locations to improve the overall pacing and coherence of the scene.
Explore opportunities to add layers of subtext or emotional depth to the interactions between the characters, making the scene more compelling and impactful.

Scene 4 - Bus Ride and Electrical Store Ordeal

Overall: 8.0
Concept: 7
Plot: 7
Characters: 8
Dialogue: 9

INT. BUS -DAY

SHAUN is sat on a bus crowded with BLANK PASSENGERS; a PASTY
GUY listens to his walkman, an OLD MAN slowly nods off.

SHAUN looks out of the window. On the street, he sees a YOUNG
WOMAN faint. A number of PASSERS-BY rush to her aid.

SHAUN’S VOICE (O.S.)
Gather round everyone...

INT. SHOP-FLOOR. ELECTRICAL STORE -DAY

SHAUN
...gather round. Now as well as Mr.
Sloman being off sick, I’m afraid
Ash is also a bit under the
weather, so I’m taking charge
today, as I’m the...

YOUNG VOICE (O.S.)
Oldest.

SHAUN
...senior staff member.

We reveal a bunch of surly young SHOP ASSISTANTS chewing in
unison, in front of SHAUN. Among them, NOEL and DANNY.

NOEL
I’m feeling under the weather, can
I have the day off?

A ripple of laughter. SHAUN tries to find it funny.

SHAUN
No, Ash genuinely is ill. So we’re
going to have to pull together
today-

A mobile phone interrupts.
14.

NOEL
Yeah? Hello mate.

SHAUN
Noel, could you-

NOEL
Two seconds.

NOEL holds up his hand. SHAUN concedes weakly.

NOEL (CONT’D)
Yeah man. I was totally munted.
Yeah I spoke to him. He’s only got
an ‘enry.

SHAUN is left twiddling his red biro.

NOEL (CONT’D)
Alright man. Laters.
(hangs up)
Continue.

SHAUN
Thanks. As Mr. Sloman says,
“there’s no ‘I’ in ‘team’ but there
is an ‘I’ in ‘pie’...something
about a team pie...I don’t know.
That’s it-

The ASSISTANTS are already off, ambling to their stations.

SHAUN (CONT’D)
Danny can you uh...

DANNY is already opening the front doors...

SHAUN (CONT’D)
And Sarah, will you um...

SARAH is already switching on a bank of TV SCREENS...

SHAUN (CONT’D)
Phone off please Noel. This isn’t a
social gathering.

SHAUN pockets his biro and tries to look officious.

NOEL
Alright. Keep your hair on grandad.
15.

SHAUN
Hey, I’m only twenty nine for
chrissakes. How old are you?
Twenty? Twenty two?

NOEL
Seventeen.

SHAUN
(thrown)
Really?...Look Noel, I know you
don’t want to be here forever.
Neither do I. I got things I want
to do with my life.

NOEL
When?

NOEL points to SHAUN’s top pocket. His biro has leaked.

NOEL (CONT’D)
You’ve got red on you.

Genres: ["Comedy","Drama"]

Summary While on a bus, Shaun witnesses a woman faint and narrates the event. At work, Shaun faces challenges in leading his younger colleagues. Noel, a 17-year-old shop assistant, openly disrespects Shaun, highlighting the latter's desire to move on. Shaun's attempts to assert authority are met with indifference, leaving him frustrated and disrespected.

Strengths

Witty dialogue
Character dynamics
Humorous tone

Weaknesses

Lack of emotional depth
Relatively low stakes

Critique

The scene transitions abruptly from Shaun witnessing a young woman faint on the street to him trying to take charge at the electrical store, which may feel disjointed for the audience.
The dialogue between Shaun and the young shop assistants lacks depth and feels a bit forced, especially with the interruptions from Noel's phone call.
The characterization of Noel as a disrespectful and disinterested young assistant is a bit cliched and could be developed further to add more nuance to the scene.
The humor in the scene, particularly with the 'red on you' line, feels a bit forced and could be more subtly integrated into the dialogue.
The scene lacks a clear sense of purpose or direction, with Shaun's attempts to assert authority over the young assistants not leading to any significant development or conflict.

Suggestions

Consider smoothing out the transition between Shaun witnessing the young woman faint and his interaction at the electrical store to create a more cohesive narrative flow.
Work on developing more meaningful and engaging dialogue between Shaun and the young shop assistants to add depth to their interactions and make the scene more engaging.
Avoid relying on cliched characterizations like Noel being disrespectful and disinterested, and instead explore more nuanced and realistic portrayals of the characters.
Try to integrate humor more organically into the scene, focusing on subtle and character-driven humor rather than forced or contrived jokes.
Clarify the purpose and stakes of the scene by introducing a more significant conflict or goal for Shaun to pursue, adding depth and tension to the interaction at the electrical store.

Scene 5 - Stalled Visit

Overall: 8.0
Concept: 8
Plot: 7
Characters: 9
Dialogue: 8

INT. ELECTRICAL STORE -LATER

SHAUN is demonstrating a TV to a young couple.

SHAUN
This one comes with a digital
package. You got your lifestyle
channels...

FLIP. We see a clip of MOANING COUPLES on ‘Trisha’.

...you got your entertainment
channels...

FLIP. We see a LAME GAME SHOW with contestants in funny
costumes. An unseen commentator laughs uncontrollably.

...you got your news channels...

FLIP. We see images of a CRASH SITE. People in WHITE SUITS. A
GRAVE LOOKING SCIENTIST. A DISTRAUGHT VOX POP. A CONVOY OF
MILITARY TRUCKS, RED LIGHTS flash. SHAUN stops flipping.

NOEL (O.S.)
Shaun!

SHAUN
I’m with a customer.
16.

NOEL (O.S.)
It’s your Dad!

SHAUN looks to the counter. With NOEL is a MIDDLE-AGED MAN.
SHAUN apologises to his customers and goes over.

PHILIP is a greying bear of a man. He wears DRIVING GLOVES
and makes only cursory eye contact with SHAUN.

SHAUN
Philip.

PHILIP
Shaun. I trust you haven’t
forgotten about tomorrow?

SHAUN
...No.

PHILIP
Your bi-monthly visit.

SHAUN
I haven’t forgotten.

PHILIP
You could bring the flowers you
forgot to send Barbara on Mother’s
Day.

SHAUN
Yeah, I was gonna.

PHILIP
And not a cheap posy from a garage
forecourt.

SHAUN
I wasn’t gonna.

PHILIP
The Texaco.

SHAUN
Alright!

PHILIP
Well, we’ll look forward to seeing
you tomorrow then.

They glare at each other, before PHILIP heads for the door.
SHAUN watches him leave, noticing another CONVOY OF MILITARY
TRUCKS on the street, RED LIGHTS flashing.
17.

NOEL
Thought this wasn’t a social
gathering.

SHAUN
What?

NOEL
How come you’re allowed to talk to
your Dad?

SHAUN
Look, A) he is not my Dad, he’s my
stepdad and B) it was an emergency.

NOEL
What, buying your Mum some flowers?

SHAUN
...Yes.

NOEL grins to some nearby ASSISTANTS who snigger.

SHAUN (CONT’D)
Look Noel, whatever you might
think, I don’t find it difficult to
keep my work and my social life
separate.

The phone rings. DANNY answers.

DANNY
Shaun, Liz for you.

SHAUN takes it, adopting a businesslike tone.

SHAUN
Hello.

LIZ (O.S.)
Allo, it’s me.

SHAUN
Allo.

LIZ
Just quickly, d’you get my message?

SHAUN sees that NOEL and the other ASSISTANTS are watching.

SHAUN
Yep.
18.

LIZ (O.S.)
So it’s all okay then?

SHAUN
Yep.

LIZ
Eight instead of seven?

SHAUN
Yep.

SHAUN fakes a yawn and makes a ‘wrap it up’ signal.

LIZ (O.S.)
Okay cool, well, ring me later.

SHAUN
Goodbye Liz.

LIZ
Bye.

SHAUN hangs up and turns to NOEL and the others.

SHAUN
Liz. Head office. Nothing to panic
about.

EXT/INT. FLORIST -EVENING

A DISTRESSED BUSINESSMAN, crying loudly, runs past the window
of a florist. Inside, SHAUN watches him go.

FLORIST
Sir?

SHAUN
Sorry, yeah, they’re for my Mum.

The FLORIST produces some tags.

FLORIST
‘To a Wonderful Mum’ or ‘POW! Super
Mum’.

SHAUN
Um...first one.

SHAUN writes out the card and hands it back. He looks back to
the street. On the other side of the road is a SCRUFFY MAN on
the steps of a CHURCH, surrounded by pigeons.
19.

SHAUN watches as the SCRUFFY MAN swipes at the pigeons.
Amazingly he catches one.

SHAUN’s transfixed as the SCRUFFY MAN raises the pigeon to
his mouth. Surely he isn’t going to...

A BUS pulls up outside. SHAUN cranes to see through the
windows. When the bus pulls away, the SCRUFFY MAN is gone.

COMMUTER’S VOICE (O.S.)
What the hell’s going on?

Genres: ["Comedy","Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In an electrical store, Shaun demonstrates a TV to a couple. His stepdad, Philip, reminds him about a bi-monthly visit and Mother's Day flowers. Faking a business call, Shaun buys flowers at a florist, witnessing a strange incident with pigeons and a scruffy man.

Strengths

Sharp dialogue
Complex character dynamics
Blend of genres

Weaknesses

Limited emotional depth
Some cliched interactions

Critique

The scene transitions from Shaun demonstrating a TV to a young couple to a conversation with his stepdad, Philip, which feels a bit abrupt and disjointed.
The dialogue between Shaun and Noel at the electrical store lacks depth and feels a bit forced, especially with Noel's snide remarks about Shaun's personal life.
The interaction between Shaun and Liz over the phone feels a bit rushed and lacks emotional depth, especially considering the importance of their relationship in the overall story.
The scene at the florist with the distressed businessman and the scruffy man catching a pigeon feels disconnected from the rest of the scene and doesn't add much to the overall narrative.
The ending with the commuter's voice questioning what's going on feels a bit random and doesn't tie back to the main storyline or provide a clear resolution.

Suggestions

Consider smoothing out the transitions between different parts of the scene to create a more cohesive flow.
Add more depth to the dialogue between Shaun and Noel to make their interaction more engaging and meaningful.
Enhance the conversation between Shaun and Liz to reflect the importance of their relationship and the impact it has on Shaun's decisions.
Reevaluate the relevance of the interactions at the florist and with the scruffy man to ensure they contribute meaningfully to the overall plot.
Consider revising the ending to provide a clearer connection to the main storyline and offer a more satisfying conclusion.

Scene 6 - Amidst Chaos and Unease

Overall: 8.0
Concept: 7
Plot: 8
Characters: 8
Dialogue: 7

EXT. TUBE STATION -EVENING

SHAUN is again amid a crowd of PISSED OFF COMMUTERS.

STATION GUARD
Bodies on the line. Suicides.

COMMUTER
Suicide?

STATION GUARD
Suicides. Three.

The GUARD raises three fingers. SHAUN is a little freaked.

INT. BUS -EVENING

SHAUN is again on a bus crowded with BLANK PASSENGERS. The
man next to SHAUN coughs badly. The lady in front seems to
have nodded off and is dribbling. The bus is barely moving.

EXT. STREET -MOMENTS LATER

SHAUN walks. Cars honk, a traffic jam clogging up the road.
He looks ahead to the cause, a CAR has stalled at the lights.
A HAND slaps SHAUN on the arm.

YVONNE
Ohmigod, Shaun!

SHAUN
Yvonne?

YVONNE is in her late twenties. She’s jovial and short. She
and SHAUN embrace, slightly awkwardly.

YVONNE
How you doing?
20.

SHAUN
Surviving.

YVONNE
Haven’t seen you since the days
of...

YVONNE mouths a house beat and does a little dance. SHAUN
nods. A CROWD starts to gather around the stalled car.

SHAUN
Yep, good times.

YVONNE
You living round here?

SHAUN
Uh...yeah. You?

YVONNE
Yeah, I’ve just bought a place.

SHAUN
Bought?

MORE PEOPLE gather around the CAR.

YVONNE
Bit grown up eh? You still with...

SHAUN
Liz. Yeah.

YVONNE
That’s great. She still teaching?

An AMBULANCE pulls up. The SIREN forces them to shout.

SHAUN
Uh...yeah. She’s Head of English
now. Got fast- tracked.

YVONNE
Ooh wow. What about you? Last time
I saw you, you were working at that
bloody electrical place.

SHAUN
Yeah...

YVONNE clocks his name-tag and realises her faux pas.

YVONNE
You still deejaying?
21.

SHAUN
Not really. Kinda let it go,
y’know?

The SIREN wails on. YVONNE nods.

YVONNE
That’s a shame. Well, least you and
Liz are still together. Glad
somebody made it. How long’s it
been now?

SHAUN
Four years. Last week actually.

YVONNE
Aw, did you doing anything special?

SHAUN
No, we’re going for a meal tonight.

YVONNE
Ooh, anywhere nice?

The SIREN slows. Realisation dawns. SHAUN goes ashen-faced.

Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

Summary Shaun encounters a string of disturbing events, from suicides on the tube to a stopped bus with sick passengers. Amidst the chaos, he unexpectedly runs into his friend Yvonne, but his mind remains preoccupied with the unsettling occurrences.

Strengths

Natural dialogue
Engaging character interactions
Blend of drama and comedy

Weaknesses

Lack of significant character development
Subtle conflict

Critique

The scene starts with a lot of chaos and disturbing events, such as suicides on the tube line, a stalled car causing a traffic jam, and a car with sick passengers. This creates a sense of unease and tension, which is effective in setting the tone for the scene.
The interaction between Shaun and Yvonne is well-written, with a mix of nostalgia, awkwardness, and catching up on each other's lives. The dialogue feels natural and helps to develop their characters.
The sudden realization by Shaun that it's his anniversary and the shift in his demeanor from casual conversation to shock and realization is a powerful moment that adds depth to his character.
The use of the ambulance siren as a background noise adds to the urgency and chaos of the scene, enhancing the overall atmosphere.
The scene effectively conveys a sense of the mundane interrupted by the unexpected, which is a common theme in the screenplay.

Suggestions

Consider adding more visual cues to enhance the chaotic and disturbing atmosphere, such as describing the reactions of the crowd around the stalled car or the sick passengers in the car.
Explore Shaun's internal thoughts and emotions further as he processes the realization of his anniversary. This could add depth to his character and make the moment more impactful.
Consider incorporating more sensory details to immerse the reader in the scene, such as the sounds of the traffic jam, the smell of exhaust fumes, or the feel of the crowded street.
Ensure that the transition from the chaotic external events to the personal conversation between Shaun and Yvonne feels seamless and organic, to maintain the flow of the scene.
Continue to build on the tension and unease established in the scene to keep the audience engaged and intrigued.

Scene 7 - The Failed Dinner Reservation

Overall: 8.0
Concept: 8
Plot: 7
Characters: 8
Dialogue: 7

INT. HOUSE -EVENING

FRONT DOOR swung open...FLOWERS thrown into the sink...YELLOW
PAGES flung open. We see on the page: ‘Fulci’s. The place
that does all the fish’.

SHAUN anxiously paces on the phone. ED plays his videogame.

ED
You gonna thank me then?

SHAUN
What for?

ED
Tidying up.

SHAUN
Doesn’t look that tidy.

ED
Well, I had a few beers when I
finished.

The phone picks up at the other end.
22.

VOICE (O.S.)
Fulci’s. Can you hold, please?

ED
You want your messages?

SHAUN
What?

ED produces a scrap of paper and reads aloud.

ED
Your Mum phoned about you going
round tomorrow. Liz phoned about
you guys eating out tonight. Then
your Mum phoned again to see if I
wanted to eat her out tonight.

VOICE (O.S.)
Hello?

SHAUN
Look, I know it’s short notice, but
do you have a table for two for
tonight?

VOICE (O.S.)
Sorry, we just gave away the last
table.

CLICK. The line goes dead.

SHAUN
Aw, man!

A beat.

ED
That wasn’t true about your Mum.

SHAUN stares at the receiver, deep in thought.

SHAUN
So, what are we going to do then?
Where are we going to go?

ED
The Winchester?

SHAUN
Don’t be so stupid! They don’t do
food.
23.

ED
John’ll do you a toastie. There’s a
Breville out the back.

SHAUN
Ed, this is serious!

SHAUN slams the phone down, it rings. He picks up.

SHAUN (CONT’D)
Hello?

LIZ (O.S.)
Aollo.

SHAUN
(caught out)
...Allo...

LIZ (O.S.)
So what’s the plan then?

SHAUN
Yeah, uh...babe, there’s been a bit
of a problem with the table.

LIZ (O.S.)
What do you mean?

SHAUN
They’re full up.

LIZ (O.S.)
But you said it was all okay.

SHAUN
Yeah...

LIZ (O.S.)
You didn’t book it did you?

SHAUN
No...

LIZ (O.S.)
So what is the plan then?

Silence. ED looks at SHAUN. He raises his eyebrows and nods.

SHAUN
(tentatively)
We could go to...The Winchester?
24.

SHAUN winces. CLICK. The phone goes dead.

The YELLOW PAGES hits the floor...The FLOWERS are grabbed...
The FRONT DOOR is swung wide...

EXT/INT. TAXI CAB -EVENING

...A TAXI CAB DOOR slams shut. SHAUN sits anxiously in the
back of the cab, feigning interest in the DRIVER’s waffle.

DRIVER (O.S.)
...so he starts reaching through
the window and moaning at me and I
can’t understand what’s he’s bloody
goin’ on about, so I drives off.
Bedlam!

EXT. APARTMENT BLOCK -EVENING

The CAB screeches off. SHAUN runs with the flowers across the
grass forecourt of an apartment block. He reaches the front
door and slams the intercom buzzer for LIZ’s flat.

DIANNE (O.S.)
Hello.

SHAUN
Dianne. Let me in please.

DIANNE
I’m not sure this is the best time
Shaun.

SHAUN
Oh come on!

DAVID (O.S.)
Lizzy doesn’t want to see you,
Shaun.

SHAUN
Just open the door!

DAVID (O.S.)
She doesn’t want to see you.

Furious, SHAUN looks up to the FIRST FLOOR WINDOW.
25.

SHAUN
What do you want me to do? Do you
want me to climb up the drainpipe
and come through the window?
Because I will.

Genres: ["Comedy","Romance","Drama"]

Summary In a desperate attempt to reconcile, Shaun tries to book a dinner reservation at Fulci's with Liz, but they are fully booked. Shaun insists on finding another option, but Liz doesn't like his suggestion of going to the pub. Shaun and Ed get into a taxi and head to Liz's apartment. Upon arriving, Shaun learns that Liz doesn't want to see him and threatens to climb up the drainpipe if she doesn't let him in.

Strengths

Humorous dialogue
Engaging plot twists
Realistic character interactions

Weaknesses

Some cliched elements
Slightly predictable outcomes

Critique

The scene starts with a sense of urgency and chaos, with the front door swung open, flowers thrown into the sink, and the Yellow Pages flung open, setting a tone of disarray.
The dialogue between Shaun and Ed is casual and humorous, but it lacks depth and doesn't contribute much to the overall narrative or character development.
The phone conversation with the restaurant feels rushed and lacks emotional depth, missing an opportunity to explore Shaun's feelings of disappointment and frustration.
The interaction with Liz over the phone feels forced and lacks authenticity, making it difficult for the audience to connect with the characters' emotions.
The scene ends abruptly with Shaun threatening to climb up the drainpipe, leaving the audience hanging without a satisfying resolution or payoff.

Suggestions

Consider adding more depth to the dialogue between Shaun and Ed to reveal more about their relationship and characters.
Explore Shaun's emotions more deeply during the phone conversation with the restaurant and Liz to make the scene more engaging and relatable.
Provide a more satisfying resolution to the scene, perhaps by showing Shaun's reaction to being denied entry and his next steps.
Consider adding more visual elements to enhance the chaotic and urgent atmosphere of the scene.
Work on building tension and suspense throughout the scene to keep the audience engaged and eager to see what happens next.

Scene 8 - Shaun's Desperation

Overall: 8.0
Concept: 7
Plot: 8
Characters: 9
Dialogue: 9

INT. LIZ’S FLAT -EVENING

A worried DAVID and DIANNE stand by the entry phone, in their
coats. Behind, LIZ emerges, also preparing to go out.

SHAUN (O.S.)
Alright then.

There are noises from outside. All look to the OPEN WINDOW.
BUZZ. The entry phone again.

SHAUN (O.S.) (CONT’D)
Guys? Let me in. Please.

INT. LIZ’S BATHROOM -MOMENTS LATER

A furious LIZ busies herself, getting ready to go out.

SHAUN flits around her.

SHAUN
Liz, I can explain. Let’s just go
out.

LIZ
What, to the Winchester?

SHAUN
Do you want to?

LIZ
Hmm, let me see. Liz, let’s have a
quiet one in the Winchester. Liz,
it’s Saturday night. Winchester
night. Hey Liz, there’s a quiz on
this evening. Really? Aw, I love a
good quiz. Well, do you want to
come? Yeah, where’s it on? THE
WINCHESTER! No, I don’t fucking
want to!

SHAUN
Sorry, I just thought we could-
26.

LIZ
It’s not the only place in the
world Shaun!

SHAUN
I know, we can go somewhere else.

INT. LOUNGE -CONTINUOUS

DAVID and DI sit on the sofa, listening through the wall.

LIZ (O.S.)
I’m going out with David and Di.

SHAUN (O.S.)
Well, let’s all go together.

LIZ
What, you hang out with a bunch of
teachers? Sorry, a failed actress
and a twat?

DAVID and DI look at each other, affronted.

SHAUN (O.S.)
Hey, that’s a bit harsh.

LIZ (O.S.)
Your words.

SHAUN (O.S.)
I did not call Dianne a failed
actress.

LIZ
Cuh!

DIANNE is relieved. DAVID remains affronted. LIZ storms into
the lounge, with SHAUN in tow, helping her with her coat.

SHAUN
Seriously, let’s go out somewhere,
forget all this. We’ll have a
laugh, just the two of us.
Things’ll be cool. Promise.

LIZ turns angrily on SHAUN, who cowers behind the coat.

LIZ
Oh stop making these promises!

SHAUN
What do you mean?
27.

LIZ
Off the top of my head? You
promised you’d stop smoking when I
did. You promised you’d go back to
the gym. You promised we’d go flat
hunting. You promised you’d start
deejaying again. You promised you’d
try drinking red wine instead of
beer. You promised you’d come on
holiday with me. You-

SHAUN
We went to Greece didn’t we?

LIZ
We met in Greece.

DAVID
(disdainfully)
At a rave.

LIZ
It’s not the same. You promised
things would change.

DIANNE
You promised you’d get us free
cable.

SHAUN
I’m working on that!

DIANNE
Okay.

SHAUN
(to Liz)
Well, look...I can stop smoking. I
can give up whenever I want. See?

SHAUN takes out a fag packet and chucks them in the bin.

SHAUN (CONT’D)
What was the next one?

LIZ
It’s not enough, Shaun.

LIZ walks out, leaving SHAUN with DAVID and DI.

DAVID
Basically, I think your nine lives
are up-
28.

SHAUN
Oh get fucked four-eyes! Why don’t
you go out with her, you love her
so much?

DAVID goes red.

DAVID
I don’t know what you mean by that.

SHAUN makes a ‘like you don’t know’ face and leaves.

DAVID (CONT’D)
I don’t know what he means by that.

DIANNE says nothing.

Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

Summary Liz, David, and Dianne prepare to leave Liz's flat as Shaun arrives and pleads to be let in. Liz refuses and confronts Shaun in the bathroom, recounting broken promises. Shaun attempts to appease her by discarding his cigarettes, but Liz remains unimpressed. They depart, leaving Shaun alone with David and Dianne. Shaun accuses David of loving Liz, which David denies. Shaun exits.

Strengths

Emotional depth
Realistic dialogue
Character development

Weaknesses

Lack of resolution
Limited external action

Critique

The scene effectively portrays the tension and frustration between Shaun and Liz, highlighting their relationship struggles and unresolved promises.
The dialogue between Shaun and Liz feels authentic and emotional, showcasing their conflicting desires and frustrations.
The interaction between Shaun, Liz, David, and Dianne adds depth to the scene, revealing the dynamics of their relationships and the underlying issues.
The scene effectively builds on the previous conflicts and emotions, adding layers to the characters' motivations and actions.
The visual cues, such as Shaun throwing away his cigarettes, add depth to the scene and emphasize the characters' emotions and struggles.

Suggestions

Consider adding more subtext and nuance to the dialogue to further explore the characters' emotions and motivations.
Explore the use of visual storytelling to enhance the scene and convey the characters' internal struggles more effectively.
Provide more context or backstory to deepen the audience's understanding of the characters' relationships and conflicts.
Consider incorporating moments of vulnerability or introspection to showcase the characters' growth and development throughout the scene.
Focus on creating a more dynamic and engaging interaction between the characters to keep the audience invested in their journey and conflicts.

Scene 9 - Flowers for Nothing

Overall: 8.0
Concept: 8
Plot: 7
Characters: 9
Dialogue: 8

INT. LIZ’S ROOM -CONTINUOUS

LIZ is sat on her bed. Head in her hands. SHAUN enters.

SHAUN
Got you these.

He offers her the flowers with a smile. LIZ clocks the tag.

LIZ
“To A Wonderful Mum”?

SHAUN
Yeah...cos, remember last night,
you said you didn’t want to sound
like my Mum...

LIZ laughs, more out of exasperation than amusment. A pause.

LIZ
They are for your Mum aren’t they?

SHAUN
Yep.

LIZ
Smooth.

LIZ returns her head to her hands.

SHAUN
Sorry. I wasn’t thinking. I’m
tired.
29.

LIZ
You’re tired? It’s not the
strongest defence is it? I’m tired
Shaun.

SHAUN
Sorry.

LIZ
The ‘S’ word again.

SHAUN
Sor...

LIZ
You can’t just keep saying ‘sorry’
and expect things to be okay. You
wave it around like a ‘get out of
jail free’ card.

SHAUN
But, what if I am sorry?

LIZ
What if you are? It’s not like you
ever do anything about it. Nothing
ever changes.
(she sighs)
Look, I’ve got to do something. If
I don’t, I’m going to end up in
that pub, every night for the rest
of my life, like those other sad
old fuckers, drinking myself to
death, wondering what the hell
happened.

SHAUN
What do you mean “do something”?

EXT. LIZ’S FLAT -EVENING

SLAM. SHAUN is stood outside. Still in his work clothes.
Still holding the flowers. Face like...

THUNDER. Rain falls. SHAUN stares blankly ahead.

EXT. THE WINCHESTER -NIGHT

SHAUN walks toward the pub, still holding the flowers. He
sees a SNOGGING COUPLE in the shadows. He throws the flowers
into a NEARBY BIN.
30.

ED’S VOICE (O.S.)
Shauny...

INT. THE WINCHESTER -NIGHT

ED (O.S.)
...hog lumps!

A packet of PORK SCRATCHINGS hits a glum SHAUN in the face. A
cheery ED joins him at their usual table.

Behind, a wall mounted TV shows a SQUAD CAR whizzing through
suburbs, lights flashing. Seconds later, the pub is
illuminated by the FLASHING LIGHTS of a passing squad car.

ED (CONT’D)
Fuck her. You got your pint. You
got your pig snacks. What more
d’you want? Your favorite monkey
don’t you? You want me to do Clyde?

ED proceeds to ape Clyde the orangutan from ‘Every Which Way
But Loose’. SHAUN looks at him, bereft.

ED (CONT’D)
See I knew you’d get over her.

SINEAD O’CONNOR (O.S.)
‘It’s been 7 hours and 15 days...’

‘Nothing Compares 2 U’ starts up on the JUKEBOX.

ED
Who the hell put this on?

SHAUN
It’s on random.

ED
Oh for fuck’s sake! John?

ED motions to JOHN for another round.

Genres: ["Drama","Romance","Comedy"]

Summary Liz is upset, and Shaun tries to cheer her up with flowers meant for his mother. However, Liz is frustrated with Shaun's behavior and expresses her desire for change. Shaun throws the flowers away and goes to the pub with Ed. The conflict remains unresolved, and the tone is tense and frustrated.

Strengths

Emotional depth
Realistic character dynamics
Engaging dialogue

Weaknesses

Lack of resolution
Limited external action

Critique

The scene effectively captures the tension and frustration between Liz and Shaun, highlighting their communication breakdown and unresolved issues.
The dialogue between Liz and Shaun feels authentic and emotionally charged, showcasing their conflicting perspectives and underlying issues in their relationship.
The visual cues, such as Shaun holding the flowers meant for his mom and then throwing them away, effectively convey his emotional turmoil and lack of foresight.
The transition from Liz's room to the exterior of the pub is well executed, emphasizing Shaun's emotional state and inner turmoil.
The introduction of Ed in the pub scene adds a contrasting light-hearted tone, providing a moment of comic relief amidst the heavy emotional content of the previous interaction.

Suggestions

Consider adding more depth to Liz's character by exploring her motivations and desires beyond her frustration with Shaun.
Provide more context or backstory to shed light on the underlying issues in Liz and Shaun's relationship, adding layers to their dynamic.
Explore Shaun's internal conflict and emotional journey more explicitly to enhance the audience's understanding of his character development.
Consider incorporating subtle visual cues or symbolism to enhance the emotional impact of the scene and deepen the audience's connection to the characters.
Further develop the transition between Liz's room and the pub to create a seamless flow and enhance the emotional resonance of Shaun's actions.

Scene 10 - Closing Time at the Winchester

Overall: 8.0
Concept: 8
Plot: 7
Characters: 8
Dialogue: 9

INT. WINCHESTER -LATER

...CURTAINS ARE DRAWN...DEAD BOLTS click into place...The TV,
FRUIT MACHINE and JUKEBOX are switched off. SHAUN and ED are
now among the last customers and are utterly pissed. ED
ignites two SAMBUCA shots. He and SHAUN ritualistically down
them, spluttering and laughing.
31.

ED
You know what we should do
tomorrow?

A hand appears on ED’s shoulder.

JOHN
Keep it down a bit lads.

ED/SHAUN
Sorry John.

JOHN moves off with their empties. ED continues quietly.

ED
You know what we should do
tomorrow? Keep drinking. Have a
Bloody Mary first thing. Get a bite
at The King’s Head. Grab a couple
at The Little Princess, stagger
back here and bang! We’re up at the
bar for shots. How’s that for a
slice of fried gold?

SHAUN remains utterly glum.

ED (CONT’D)
C’mon man talk to me.

SHAUN
Can we just leave it Ed?

ED
What did she say?

SHAUN
A lot.

ED
What a bitch.

SHAUN
She said if she stayed with me, she
was going to end up sitting in here
every night for the rest of her
life like these sad old fuckers,
drinking herself to death,
wondering what the hell happened.

ED
That’s harsh. These are not sad old
fuckers. These are rich,
interesting characters.
32.

Cut away to a number of SAD OLD FUCKERS around the bar.

SHAUN
Like who?

ED points to a MULLET HAIRED FIFTYSOMETHING at the bar.

ED
Snakehips. Always surrounded by
women. Bigamist. Strangled his
first wife with a draft excluder.
Invented the mobile disco.

Vaguely amused, SHAUN points to an IRISH SPINSTER necking
whisky.

SHAUN
What about her?

ED
Ex-porn star. Done it all. Mish,
doggy, reverse cowgirl, A2M.
Starred in the world’s first
interracial hardcore loop. Cafe au
lait.

SHAUN
What about John?

ED
Who, the “Barrel”? North London
Mafia.

SHAUN laughs and shakes his head.

ED (CONT’D)
That really is true. Big Al says
so.

SHAUN
Big Al also says dogs can’t look
up.

ED
Think about it. The gruff demeanor.
Handy with a blade. Bernie, the
trophy wife.

ED points to BERNIE, the wizened landlady behind the bar.

ED (CONT’D)
He’s connected. Why d’you think
there’s a rifle over the bar?
33.

ED nods to a rifle mounted on a brace.

SHAUN
‘Cos the pub’s called the
Winchester.

ED
Exactly.

SHAUN lets himself laugh. ED smiles.

ED (CONT’D)
See, you don’t need Liz to have a
good time.

SHAUN
Ed! Let’s just leave it now.

ED
Listen, can I just say one thing?
And I’m not gonna say, ‘there’s
plenty more fish in the sea’. I’m
not gonna say, ‘if you love her let
her go’...I’m not gonna bombard you
with cliches. All I’ll say is,
‘it’s not the end of the world’.

THUMP. THUMP. THUMP. A SHADOWY FIGURE is visible beyond the
frosted glass of the door. JOHN calls out to it.

JOHN
Sorry we’re closed.

THE FIGURE
Uhhhhhh...

More EMERGENCY VEHICLES pass. The flashing lights momentarily
define the FIGURE at the door. Maybe it’s a trick of the
light, but it appears to have NO LOWER JAW. The FIGURE
follows the noise and shuffles off.

ED
Pisshead.

EXT. PUB -NIGHT

ANGLE ON SIGN: “PLEASE LEAVE QUIETLY”

SHAUN & ED drunkenly belt out ‘White Lines’. The SNOGGING
COUPLE are still outside, necking furiously. ED calls over.

ED
Haven’t you had your tea?
34.

The WOMAN stops necking the man. He goes limp and drops to
the ground. She watches SHAUN & ED stagger off.

EXT. STREET -CONTINUOUS

SHAUN & ED cross the street, still singing ‘White Lines’ in
harmony. Behind, another FIGURE is stumbling down the middle
of the road. He appears to join in with...

THE FIGURE
Uhhhhhhh.

SHAUN and ED turn, gleefully trying to draft their new friend
into the sing-a-long. Again he responds with...

THE FIGURE (CONT’D)
Uhhhhhhh.

SHAUN and ED shrug, a little disappointed.

Genres: ["Comedy","Drama","Horror"]

Summary **Summary:** Drunk friends Shaun and Ed discuss their plans and patrons at the Winchester pub while a mysterious figure appears and leaves. The scene ends with Shaun and Ed singing on the street after leaving the pub.

Strengths

Engaging dialogue
Effective blend of genres
Strong character dynamics

Weaknesses

Some cliched elements
Lack of resolution for certain plot points

Critique

The scene effectively captures the drunken and despondent state of Shaun and Ed, setting the tone for their conversation.
The dialogue between Shaun and Ed reveals the depth of Shaun's emotional turmoil and his struggle to come to terms with Liz's rejection.
The interaction between Shaun and Ed provides insight into their dynamic and showcases Ed's attempts to cheer up Shaun in his own sarcastic way.
The introduction of the shadowy figure with no lower jaw adds a mysterious and eerie element to the scene, hinting at the impending danger.
The banter between Ed and Shaun about the colorful characters in the pub adds humor and depth to the setting.

Suggestions

Consider adding more visual cues to enhance the eerie atmosphere when the shadowy figure with no lower jaw appears at the door.
Explore Shaun's emotional state further by delving deeper into his internal struggles and conflicting feelings about Liz.
Provide more context or backstory to the characters mentioned by Ed to enrich the world of the pub and add layers to the narrative.
Consider tightening the dialogue to maintain the emotional intensity of the scene and keep the focus on Shaun's internal conflict.
Build up the suspense surrounding the shadowy figure with no lower jaw to create a more chilling and impactful moment.

Scene 11 - The Morning After

Overall: 8.0
Concept: 7
Plot: 8
Characters: 9
Dialogue: 8

INT. HOUSE. LOUNGE -NIGHT

‘CRUCIAL ELECTRO’ blares. An old-skool party is in full
swing; ED body pops. SHAUN is on his turntables.

ED
Still got it!

PETE storms in. He grabs the record off the turntable-

SHAUN
Don’t scratch it!

-and throws it through the open window.

SHAUN (CONT’D)
That’s the second album I ever
bought!

PETE
It’s four in the fucking morning!

SHAUN
It’s Saturday-

PETE
No, it’s fucking Sunday and I have
to go into fucking work in four
fucking hours, because every other
fucker in my fucking department is
fucking ill! Can you see why I’m so
fucking angry?
35.

ED
Fuck yeah!

SHAUN
Pete, I’m sorry. We’re a bit
pissed. We split up with Liz
tonight.

PETE
Well just keep it down okay?

PETE heads for the door. As he does, ED mutters-

ED
Prick.

PETE
Sorry, what was that?

ED
Nuffin.

PETE launches at ED, fists flying. SHAUN pulls them apart.

SHAUN
Hey. Come on. We’re all friends
here.

PETE
He is not my friend! He’s an idiot.

ED
What’s that supposed to mean?

PETE
It means maybe you should fuck off.
You wanna live like an animal, go
live in the shed, you thick fuck.

SHAUN
Pete, leave him alone.

PETE
Stop defending him! Why do you
stick up for him all the time
Shaun? All he does is hold you
back. Or does it make life easier
having someone around who’s more of
a loser than you?

SHAUN
What’s that supposed to mean?
36.

PETE
You know what I mean. I presume it
was Liz who did the dumping? Am I
right? Sort-your-fucking-life-out-
mate-

SHAUN is utterly floored. ED interrupts-

ED
What’s up with your hand man?

We reveal that PETE’s hand is completely bandaged up.

PETE
I got mugged on the way home.

ED
By who?

PETE
I dunno, some crackheads or
something. One of them bit me.
(Ed breaks out laughing)
It’s not fucking funny!

ED
Why did they bite you?

PETE
I don’t know, I didn’t stop to ask
them! Now, I have a splitting
headache and your stupid hip hop
isn’t helping.
(storming out)
And the front door’s open again!

ED
It’s not Hip Hop, it’s Electro.
Prick.

A shell-shocked SHAUN doesn’t reply. ED slumps on the sofa.

ED (CONT’D)
Next time I see him he’s dead.

INT. HALL/KITCHEN -MOMENTS LATER

SHAUN shuffles out into the hall and plays the answer phone.
We hear Liz’s message from earlier-

-as SHAUN stands in the darkened kitchen and stares at a
photo of him and Liz, pinned to a ‘THINGS TO DO’ board.
37.

As Liz and Barbara’s messages play, he scrawls something on
the board, then drunkenly slumps onto a kitchen chair.

SCENE 32 MERGED WITH SCENE 31

INT. KITCHEN -SUNDAY MORNING

SHAUN wakes, groggy and hung-over. He’s still in the chair.
His eyes focus on the ‘THINGS TO DO’ board. It reads-

‘GO ROUND MUM’S...GET LIZ BACK...SORT LIFE OUT’

INT. LOUNGE -MORNING

ED is still slumped on the sofa.

SHAUN
Want anything from the shop?

ED
Cornetto.

EXT. STREET -MORNING

SHAUN crosses the street. In the distance we glimpse TWO
FIGURES shambling up the middle of the road.

Genres: ["Comedy","Drama","Horror"]

Summary In the wee hours, Shaun's party rages. Pete, resentful about an early work shift, clashes with Shaun and Ed over the noise. Amidst the heated argument, Pete reveals a bandaged hand, a result of a recent mugging. Shaun is stunned by Pete's harsh words and emotions run high. As the night ends, Shaun contemplates the events while listening to messages from his ex, Liz.

Strengths

Strong character development
Engaging dialogue
Effective blend of genres

Weaknesses

Some scenes may feel disjointed
Lack of resolution for certain conflicts

Critique

The scene starts off with a chaotic and tense atmosphere, which is effective in setting the tone for the conflict between Pete, Shaun, and Ed. The dialogue and actions of the characters reveal their frustrations and emotions, adding depth to the scene. The revelation of Pete's mugging and injury adds a layer of tension and drama to the interaction.
The dynamic between the characters is well-established, with Pete being portrayed as angry and confrontational, Shaun as apologetic and desperate, and Ed as laid-back and sarcastic. This dynamic creates an engaging conflict that drives the scene forward.
The use of humor, particularly in Ed's responses and reactions, adds a lighter tone to the scene, balancing out the more serious moments. This helps to keep the audience engaged and interested in the unfolding events.
The transition from the lounge to the kitchen, where Shaun listens to Liz's messages and reflects on his relationship, provides a moment of introspection and vulnerability for the character. This adds depth to Shaun's emotional journey and sets up his motivation for the next steps he takes.
The scene effectively sets up the next sequence of events, with Shaun making a decision to visit his mum and try to get Liz back. This sets the stage for the following scenes and adds a sense of direction to the narrative.

Suggestions

Consider adding more visual cues or actions to enhance the tension and emotions in the scene. This could include body language, facial expressions, or gestures that convey the characters' feelings more vividly.
Explore the relationship dynamics between the characters further to deepen the conflict and add complexity to their interactions. This could involve delving into past history or unresolved issues that contribute to the current tensions.
Consider incorporating more subtext or underlying motivations in the dialogue to add layers to the characters' interactions. This could involve subtle hints or implications that reveal hidden agendas or unspoken feelings.
Experiment with different pacing and rhythm in the scene to create more dynamic shifts in tone and mood. This could involve varying the speed of dialogue delivery, the intensity of emotions, or the level of conflict to keep the audience engaged.
Continue to develop Shaun's internal conflict and emotional journey throughout the scene to provide a clear arc for his character. This could involve exploring his regrets, desires, and motivations in more depth to create a compelling narrative arc.

Scene 12 - Shaun's Unwitting Visit

Overall: 8.0
Concept: 8
Plot: 7
Characters: 6
Dialogue: 5

INT. NEWSAGENT -MORNING

SHAUN
Nelson?

No-one is behind the counter. SHAUN grabs a Strawberry
Cornetto from the freezer and goes to the cooler. He opens
the door, not noticing two smeared BLOODY HANDPRINTS ON THE
GLASS. SHAUN grabs a Coke oblivious, slipping as he moves
off.

SHAUN (CONT’D)
Nelson?

SHAUN goes to the counter. It seems oddly bare.

SHAUN (CONT’D)
Nelson, you got any papers?

SHAUN shrugs and puts some change onto the counter.
38.

SHAUN (CONT’D)
I owe you fifteen pence Nels.
Alright?

SHAUN leaves. In the security mirror we can see the body of
Nelson slumped at the back of the store.

EXT. STREET -MORNING

SHAUN crosses the street again. One of the FIGURES is close
now, its ARMS OUTSTRETCHED. It wears a GREEN COAT and trails
a dog lead in its hand. SHAUN fishes in his pockets, without
really looking over.

SHAUN
Sorry mate, no change.

Shaun goes inside. In the distance, we can see the figure
Nelson shamble out of the shop.

INT. LOUNGE -MORNING

SHAUN sits down and puts his feet up on the coffee table. He
cracks open his Coke and picks up the remote, flicking idly
through the Sunday morning television.

NEWS: A REPORTER

‘Religious groups are calling it Judgement Day. There’s...’

MTV: THE SMITHS ‘Panic on the streets of London...’

NEWS: ANOTHER REPORTER ‘...as an increasing number of...’

FOOTBALL SHOW: COMMENTATOR ‘...serious attacks on...’

NEWS: A DIFFERENT REPORTER AGAIN ‘...people, who are
literally being...’

WILDLIFE SHOW: LIONS DEVOUR A GAZELLE ‘...eaten alive...’

NEWS: A VERY HARASSED REPORTER

‘Witness reports are sketchy but one unifying detail seems to
be that the attackers in many instances appear to be...’

KIDS SHOW: A TV PRESENTER ‘...dead excited to have with us
here...’

SHAUN flips back to the previous channel, curious. NEWS: A
HARASSEED REPORTER
39.

‘...accounts of multiple unidentified assailants...’ SHAUN
leans forward to watch more closely.

ED (O.S.)
There’s a girl in the garden.

SHAUN turns. ED is peering through the back window.

SHAUN
What?

ED
In the garden, there’s a girl.

SHAUN joins ED at the window. Standing at the very bottom of
the garden is a GIRL with her back to them.

Genres: ["Horror","Thriller","Drama"]

Summary Shaun enters an empty newsagents and takes a Cornetto and a Coke without paying. As he leaves, he sees a strange figure in the street but ignores it. Back inside, he turns on the TV and watches news reports about unidentified attackers. Meanwhile, Ed spots a girl in the garden, and they both observe her. The scene ends with a glimpse of Nelson's body in the security mirror, hinting at a hidden danger that Shaun is unaware of.

Strengths

Building tension
Creating mystery
Engaging atmosphere

Weaknesses

Limited character development
Minimal dialogue

Critique

The scene lacks a clear sense of urgency or tension considering the escalating zombie outbreak in the previous scenes. There is a disconnect between the gravity of the situation and Shaun's casual demeanor.
The transition from the newsagent to the lounge feels disjointed and abrupt. More seamless transitions could help maintain the flow of the scene.
The introduction of the mysterious figure with outstretched arms and the body of Nelson in the newsagent could be more effectively integrated into the narrative to create a sense of suspense and foreshadowing.
The dialogue and actions of Shaun and Ed in the lounge do not effectively convey the sense of impending danger or chaos outside. More emphasis on the external threats and Shaun's reactions could heighten the tension.
The visual elements in the scene, such as the smeared bloody handprints and the body of Nelson, could be highlighted more to create a sense of unease and foreshadowing.

Suggestions

Consider adding more visual and auditory cues to establish the growing threat of the zombie outbreak in the scene.
Enhance Shaun's reactions to the news reports and the mysterious figures outside to convey a sense of urgency and danger.
Integrate the elements of suspense and foreshadowing more effectively to build anticipation and tension throughout the scene.
Work on creating a smoother transition between the different locations and events in the scene to maintain the narrative flow.
Consider revising the dialogue and actions of the characters to better reflect the escalating crisis and Shaun's evolving understanding of the situation.

Scene 13 - Unexpected Encounter in the Garden

Overall: 8.0
Concept: 9
Plot: 7
Characters: 7
Dialogue: 6

EXT. GARDEN -MOMENTS LATER

SHAUN calls timidly to the GIRL.

SHAUN
Hello...excuse me.

ED picks up a lump of mud and throws it at the GIRL.

ED
Oi!

The missile strikes her on the head. She turns slowly.

WE SEE HER FACE

She is pale, greyish. Her eyes are lifeless and cloudy. Her
hair is matted with something. Her CHECKOUT GIRL’S uniform is
dirty and torn. The image is horrific and unmistakable.

SHAUN
Oh my God! She is so drunk.

ED
How much have you had love?

She lurches forward, her ARMS OUTSTRETCHED towards SHAUN. ED
and SHAUN step back, giggling.

ED (CONT’D)
Ooh she likes you.

SHAUN
Shut up.
40.

ED
I think she wants a cuddle.

She keeps coming. Mouth open. HISSING. SHAUN backs up.

SHAUN
Look I’ve just come out of a
relationship-

He trips and falls. THE GIRL is quickly on top of him.

SHAUN (CONT’D)
Ed, do something!

ED
Wait there.

ED runs back into the house.

SHAUN
Ed!

ED (O.S.)
Two seconds.

SHAUN gets a clear look at her eyes. Something’s not right.

ED (CONT’D)
Hold it there.

ED has come running back with a FUN CAMERA. Takes a snap.

SHAUN
Get her off me.

ED pushes the GIRL away. She stumbles, then comes back at
them both. ED gets his first good look.

ED
What’s up with your eyes? What’s up
with her eyes?

SHAUN jumps up and shouts to the GIRL.

SHAUN
Now seriously, I’m warning you...

She keeps coming...SHAUN clocks her name badge.

SHAUN (CONT’D)
...Mary. I’m going to have to get
physical. I mean it!

She keeps coming. SHAUN loses his patience.
41.

SHAUN (CONT’D)
Right, this is it! Fuck off!

SHAUN shoves MARY hard in the chest. She stumbles down the
garden, falls backwards and IMPALES HERSELF onto the rusty
remnants of a free standing clothes line. The metal pole
protrudes through her stomach. BLOOD oozes through her top.
SHAUN puts his hands to his mouth. ED bites his lip.

SQUELCH. She gets up. SHAUN is momentarily relieved...before
seeing the GAPING HOLE IN HER STOMACH. ED starts to wind on
the fun camera. SHAUN bats it out of his hands.

SHAUN (CONT’D)
I think we should go back inside.

ED
Okay.

They turn to see a HULKING MAN right behind them. His eyes
dead also. He has massive injuries to his face and neck...

Genres: ["Horror","Comedy"]

Summary Shaun and Ed encounter Mary, a pale and lifeless girl, in the garden. As she approaches Shaun aggressively, he tries to push her away. However, Mary impales herself on a metal pole and gets up with a gaping hole in her stomach. A hulking man with severe injuries suddenly appears behind them, escalating the situation and leaving the audience with a sense of suspense and impending danger.

Strengths

Effective blend of horror and comedy elements
Tense and suspenseful atmosphere
Shocking and memorable impalement scene

Weaknesses

Some may find the gore and violence excessive or off-putting

Critique

The scene lacks clarity in terms of the girl's appearance and behavior. The description of her as pale, greyish, with cloudy eyes and torn uniform is vivid but the transition from her being mistaken for drunk to realizing something is not right is abrupt.
The dialogue between Shaun and Ed comes off as insensitive and lacking in empathy towards the girl, especially considering her alarming appearance. The humor and banter between them may not be appropriate given the situation.
The action sequence where Shaun shoves Mary and she impales herself on a metal pole is shocking and graphic, which may not align with the tone of the rest of the screenplay. It feels sudden and extreme.
The introduction of the hulking man at the end of the scene adds another layer of tension and danger, but the transition from dealing with Mary to the new threat could be smoother.
Overall, the scene could benefit from more nuanced reactions from Shaun and Ed towards the girl's distressing state, as well as a more gradual escalation of the horror elements.

Suggestions

Consider revising the description of the girl to create a more gradual build-up of tension and horror, leading to a clearer realization by Shaun and Ed that something is seriously wrong.
Adjust the dialogue between Shaun and Ed to reflect a more appropriate response to the girl's alarming appearance, showing empathy and concern rather than humor.
Revisit the action sequence with Mary to find a balance between shock value and maintaining the overall tone of the screenplay. Consider toning down the graphic nature of her impalement.
Work on the pacing and transition between dealing with Mary and the introduction of the hulking man to ensure a smoother flow of events and maintain the suspense effectively.
Focus on creating a more nuanced and emotionally resonant reaction from the characters to the escalating horror, balancing the humor with the seriousness of the situation.

Scene 14 - Siege on the Lounge

Overall: 8.0
Concept: 8
Plot: 7
Characters: 7
Dialogue: 7

INT. LOUNGE -MOMENTS LATER

ED stands by the window. The curtains are drawn.

ED
What’s going on? Shaun?

SHAUN’s on the phone, dialling fast.

SHAUN
Shit. It’s engaged.

ED
What about an ambulance?

SHAUN
It’s busy Ed.

ED
Fire engine?

SHAUN
Ed, it’s one number and it’s busy.
Why do you want a fire engine
anyway?

ED
Anything with flashing lights man.

SHAUN
Are they still out there?
42.

ED opens the curtains. MARY and THE HULK are still out there.
They look at ED. He promptly shuts the curtains again.

ED
Yeah...what do you think we should
do?

SHAUN
Let’s have a sit down.

They sit on the sofa. Upright, close to each other. They
watch a TIRED AND TROUBLED NEWSREADER on the TV. Behind them,
through the hall, we see the FRONT DOOR move.

NEWSREADER (T.V.)
-although it’s been hard to
establish how this could have
happened on such a wide scale and
so rapidly-

BEHIND THEM. The FRONT DOOR opens.

NEWSREADER (T.V.) (CONT’D)
-Environmental Health Officials
have refused to confirm that the
phenomenon is the result of a virus-

We see live footage of SHAMBLING FIGURES in a street.

ED
Do you think this is the same
thing?

BEHIND THEM. A SUITED MAN wanders in.

NEWSREADER (T.V.)
-the Home Office are asking people
to stay in their houses. Ensure
your residences are secure with all
windows and doors firmly locked-

SHAUN and ED turn to each other, then look-

BEHIND. THE SUITED MAN lumbers into the lounge. His shoulder
has been torn away. He looks pale and hungry.

SHAUN/ED NEWSREADER (T.V.)
Fuck! ...avoid contact with these
individuals...

SHAUN & ED jump off the sofa. The SUITED MAN lurches.
43.

SUITED MAN NEWSREADER (T.V.)
Uhhhhhh... ...if you find your safety is
compromised, it is important
to remain calm...

SHAUN and ED panic. They back around the room attempting to
evade the SUITED MAN, who pursues them relentlessly.

NEWSREADER (T.V.) (CONT’D)
-We’re expecting information from
the Home Office regarding the best
way to...uh...neutralize the
attackers, as they are seemingly
impervious to conventional force-

Suddenly ED grabs a heavy glass ashtray and brings it down
hard on the SUITED MAN’s head. CRACK! He falls back,
lifeless, skull split open. SHAUN and ED stand panting.

SHAUN
I’m just going to shut the front
door.

SHAUN runs out into the hall. ED goes over to the body.

NEWSREADER (T.V.)
...in the meantime contact with
these assailants is highly
inadvisable...

SHAUN rejoins ED, who is staring at the body.

ED
Did you see his head go?

THUMP! THUMP! THUMP! MARY and THE HULK want in.

ED (CONT’D) NEWSREADER
We should get out there. -officials suggest that-

SHAUN NEWSREADER
No we should stay inside. -in extreme circumstances-

ED (CONT’D) NEWSREADER
Come on, we can take ‘em. -the attackers can be stopped-

SHAUN NEWSREADER
But the man said to stay (sips his water)
indoors. -uh I repeat-

ED (CONT’D)
Fuck the man!
44.

SHAUN
As long as we’re in here and
they’re out there, we’re safe.

SMASH. The back window goes. MARY and THE HULK pull the
curtains down and reach through the broken glass.

NEWSREADER
-removing the head or destroying
the brain.

SHAUN takes a deep breath.

EXT. GARDEN -MOMENTS LATER

A WHISTLE. MARY and THE HULK stop thumping and turn to see ED
and SHAUN standing determinedly next to a cardboard box.

ED
Aim for the head.

The boys hurl the contents of the box; a variety of kitchen
implements, saucepans etc. They bounce ineffectually off the
intruders. Within seconds the arsenal is spent.

SHAUN
Now what? MARY and THE HULK close
in. ED looks to the nearby shed.

ED
We’ll have to get more stuff.
What’s in the shed?

SHAUN
I don’t know. It’s locked.

ED
Why is it locked?

SHAUN
It’s always been locked.

ED
Well, what are we going to-

ED spies the discarded ‘CRUCIAL ELECTRO’ album on the grass.

SHAUN
Ed, no-

Too late. ED flings the record frisbee style. SMACK. It
catches THE HULK in the face, throwing his head back.
45.

ED
Bam!

THE HULK staggers back up, the record sticking out of his
face. A look of confusion between SHAUN and ED.

Genres: ["Horror","Comedy"]

Summary Ed and Shaun hide in the lounge, watching news of an outbreak. A suited man enters, prompting Ed to smash his head. Shaun closes the door, while Ed examines the body. Mary and the Hulk appear outside, trying to enter. Ed and Shaun throw kitchen implements at them but fail. Ed throws the 'Crucial Electro' album at the Hulk, confusing them.

Strengths

Effective blend of horror and comedy
Tension and suspense
Character development through action and dialogue

Weaknesses

Some elements may be too absurd for some audiences

Critique

The scene effectively builds tension and suspense as Shaun and Ed are faced with the threat of the suited man and later Mary and The Hulk breaking into the lounge.
The use of the news report in the background adds to the atmosphere and provides context for the unfolding events.
The action sequences are well-described, creating a sense of urgency and danger as Shaun and Ed try to evade the attackers.
The dialogue between Shaun and Ed feels natural and reflects their different reactions to the situation, adding depth to their characters.
The visual descriptions of the scene, such as the broken window and the kitchen implements being thrown at the intruders, enhance the reader's immersion in the scene.

Suggestions

Consider adding more internal thoughts or emotions for Shaun and Ed to further engage the reader with their perspective on the unfolding events.
Explore the relationship dynamics between Shaun and Ed in more depth, especially in moments of high tension like this scene.
Provide more sensory details to enhance the atmosphere and make the scene more vivid for the reader.
Consider adding a bit more variety in the action sequences to keep the pacing dynamic and engaging.
Ensure a clear resolution to the conflict with Mary and The Hulk to provide a satisfying conclusion to the scene.

Scene 15 - Zombie Battle in the Garden

Overall: 8.0
Concept: 8
Plot: 7
Characters: 7
Dialogue: 6

EXT. GARDEN -MOMENTS LATER

SHAUN unclips the lid on an expensive looking record box.

SHAUN
Now look, some of these are limited-

ED grabs a record and flings it. It flies past MARY’s head.

SHAUN (CONT’D)
What was that one?

ED
I think it was Blue Monday.

SHAUN
Aw, man! That was an original
pressing.

ED
Oh, for fuck’s sake.

ED starts flicking through the records.

ED (CONT’D)
‘Purple Rain’?

SHAUN
No.

ED
‘Sign Of The Times’?

SHAUN
Definitely not.

ED
Oh, come on. The ‘Batman’
soundtrack?

SHAUN
Throw it.

ED flings disappointing Prince. It lodges in MARY’s thigh.

ED
Dire Straits?
46.

SHAUN
Throw it.

ED flings dreary A.O.R. It thuds into THE HULK’s shoulder.

ED
Oootcha!! Okay, ‘Stone Roses’?

SHAUN
No!

ED
‘Second Coming’?

SHAUN
I like it!

ED picks another record. MARY and THE HULK bear down.

ED
‘Sade’?

SHAUN
It’s Liz’s.

ED
She did dump you!

ED throws. It misses and shatters against the house.

SHAUN
Oh fuck this. I’m going to the
shed.

SHAUN walks towards the shed. ED follows.

ED
I thought you said it was locked.

SHAUN
It is.

IS NOW PART OF SCENE 42

INT. SHED -CONTINUOUS

BLACKNESS. The door splinters open. SHAUN crashes through. ED
steps in after him. They survey the contents.
47.

EXT. GARDEN -CONTINUOUS

SHAUN and ED emerge from the shed. SHAUN carries a cricket
bat, ED has a spade. MARY and THE HULK are right on top of
them. There’s no other option.

ED
Which one do you want? Girl or
Bloke?

SHAUN
Um...first one.

WHACK. The first blow is tentative and reluctant. Each strike
gains confidence and force. MARY and THE HULK go down. The
blows become frenzied and in perfect synch.

MARY and the HULK are finally dead. SHAUN and ED stop,
hyperventilating together. Their hands bloodied. Their
clothes splattered. Their faces shocked. A baptism of gore.

INT. LOUNGE -DAY

SHAUN and ED are back on the sofa. SHAUN has a mug of tea in
his shaking hand. ED eats his Cornetto and points to SHAUN’s
shirt.

ED
You’ve got red on you.

A FRAZZLED CORRESPONDENT talks over footage of a GREYISH MAN
clawing at the glass of an observation room.

CORRESPONDENT (T.V.)
-scientists have now confirmed that
in all cases, people receiving
bites have experienced headaches
and nausea and developed symptoms
similar to those displayed by their
attackers. If you know someone who
has been bitten it is absolutely
essential that you isolate them
immediately-

SHAUN and ED look at each other.

Genres: ["Horror","Comedy"]

Summary Shaun and Ed fight off zombies in the garden, killing Mary and The Hulk. Back in the lounge, they realize they're infected and must isolate.

Strengths

Effective blend of horror and comedy elements
Engaging and unique tone
Escalating tension and violence

Weaknesses

Some may find the violence and gore excessive
Dialogue could be more impactful

Critique

The scene starts with Shaun and Ed disrespectfully throwing records around, which seems out of character for Shaun who is usually more responsible and respectful.
The dialogue between Shaun and Ed feels forced and lacks depth, making their interaction less engaging for the audience.
The violence towards Mary and The Hulk is sudden and extreme, without much build-up or emotional impact, which can be jarring for the audience.
The transition from the shed to the garden lacks clarity and smoothness, making the scene feel disjointed.
The use of violence as a solution to the conflict with Mary and The Hulk could be seen as gratuitous and may not align with the tone of the rest of the screenplay.

Suggestions

Consider revising the opening of the scene to better reflect Shaun and Ed's characters and motivations.
Work on developing more meaningful and authentic dialogue between Shaun and Ed to deepen their relationship and add layers to their characters.
Build up the tension and stakes leading to the violent confrontation with Mary and The Hulk to make the scene more impactful and emotionally resonant.
Smooth out the transition between the shed and the garden to improve the flow of the scene and enhance the audience's understanding.
Explore alternative resolutions to the conflict with Mary and The Hulk that align better with the overall tone and themes of the screenplay.

Scene 16 - Danger at Home

Overall: 8.0
Concept: 8
Plot: 8
Characters: 7
Dialogue: 9

INT. FRONT HALL -MOMENTS LATER

SHAUN and ED stands at the foot of stairs, looking up.

SHAUN
Pete? Pete?
48.

ED
Why don’t we just go up?

SHAUN
I’m not going up there.

ED
Why not?

SHAUN
Because A) he might be one of them
and B) he might be really annoyed.
Pete? Must have gone to work.

ED
(finding Pete’s keys)
How come he didn’t drive?

SHAUN
(reaching)
Probably got a lift. He said he
wasn’t feeling well. Pete?

ED
(shouting)
Oi, PRICK?!

Nothing.

ED/SHAUN
He’s not in.

SHAUN thinks. ED gets out his fags and offers one to SHAUN.

SHAUN
I’ve given up.

ED
Since when?

SHAUN
Since-

Just as SHAUN remembers, the phone rings.

SCENE 48 IS NOW DELETED

INT. HALL -CONTINUOUS

He picks up.

SHAUN
Liz?
49.

BARBARA (O.S.)
Shaun.

SHAUN
Mum! I was just going to call you
actually. Is everything okay?

ED’s ears prick up. He instinctively stubs out his fag.

BARBARA (O.S.)
Yes...

SHAUN
Are you sure?

BARBARA (O.S.)
Some men tried to get into the
house.

SHAUN
Are they still there?

BARBARA (O.S.)
I’m not sure. We’ve shut the
curtains.

SHAUN
Did you try the police?

BARBARA
I thought about it.

SHAUN
Are you okay? Did they hurt you?

BARBARA (O.S.)
No, I’m fine, I’m fine...

SHAUN
Mum?

BARBARA (O.S.)
Well, they were a bit bitey.

The colour drains from SHAUN’s face.

SHAUN
Oh my God Mum. Have you been
bitten?

The colour drains from ED’s face too.

BARBARA (O.S.)
No, but Philip has.
50.

SHAUN
Oh okay.

ED
Has she been bitten?

SHAUN
(covers mouthpiece)
No, Philip has.

ED
Oh okay.

SHAUN
What sort of state is he in Mum?

BARBARA (O.S.)
Oh, he’s fine. A bit under the
weather.

SHAUN
I see.

ED
What’s the deal?

SHAUN
(covers mouthpiece)
We may have to kill my stepdad.
(back to Mum)
Look Mum, you’re not safe there.
Sit tight. We’re on our way over.

BARBARA (O.S.)
I don’t want to cause a fuss.

ED
We’re coming to get you Barbara!

Genres: ["Horror","Comedy"]

Summary Shaun and Ed are worried about Barbara's safety after she tells them that Philip has been bitten. They decide to go to her house to help her.

Strengths

Sharp dialogue
Effective blending of horror and comedy elements
Tension and suspense building

Weaknesses

Some elements of the scene may be predictable
Character development could be further explored

Critique

The scene lacks a sense of urgency and tension considering the gravity of the situation. The characters seem too casual and nonchalant about the potential danger of encountering infected individuals.
The dialogue between Shaun and his mother, Barbara, could be more emotionally charged and intense, especially when discussing the possibility of having to kill Shaun's stepdad who has been bitten.
The transition from the previous scene to this one feels abrupt and disjointed, lacking a smooth flow of events.
There is a missed opportunity to build suspense and create a sense of impending danger as the characters discuss the threat of the infected individuals and the need to rescue Barbara.
The interaction between Shaun and Ed could be more dynamic and engaging, adding depth to their relationship and the gravity of the situation they are facing.

Suggestions

Add more tension and urgency to the scene by emphasizing the imminent danger the characters are in.
Enhance the emotional impact of the conversation between Shaun and Barbara by delving deeper into their relationship and the difficult decisions they may have to make.
Consider a smoother transition from the previous scene to this one to maintain the narrative flow.
Introduce elements of suspense and fear to heighten the stakes and engage the audience.
Develop the interaction between Shaun and Ed to showcase their bond and the challenges they face together in a time of crisis.

Scene 17 - Shaun and Ed's Plan

Overall: 8.0
Concept: 8
Plot: 8
Characters: 8
Dialogue: 9

INT. LOUNGE -MOMENTS LATER

SLAM. A boot hits the coffee table. ED laces. SHAUN paces.

ED
So what’s the plan?

SHAUN takes a deep breath.

SHAUN
Right...

Cue MONTAGE.
51.

SHAUN (V.O.) (CONT’D) MONTAGE:
We take Pete’s car and we SHAUN and ED driving along in
drive over to Mum’s. Pete’s car. They pull up at
Barbara and Philip’s and run
heroically inside.

SHAUN (V.O.) (CONT’D) MONTAGE:
We take care of Philip. SHAUN and ED stand armed,
behind a ZOMBIE PHILIP.

SHAUN (V.O.) (CONT’D) MONTAGE:
I’m so sorry. Anguished, SHAUN and ED whack
PHILIP on the head.

SHAUN (V.O.) (CONT’D) MONTAGE:
Then we take Mum to Liz’s SHAUN, ED and BARBARA are
place and wait there until greeted by a grateful LIZ on
all this blows over. the doorstep. They sit
inside, drinking tea and
eating biscuits.

BACK TO SCENE

ED
Why do we have to go to Liz’s?

SHAUN
Because we do.

ED
But she dumped you!

SHAUN
I have to make sure she’s okay.

ED
Why?

SHAUN
Because I love her!

SHAUN surprises himself. A pause.

ED
Alright gay. I’m not staying there
though.

SHAUN
Why not?

ED
If we hole up, I wanna be somewhere
familiar.
(MORE)
52.

ED (CONT'D)
I wanna know where the exits are
and I wanna be allowed to smoke.

SHAUN
Okay...

Cue MONTAGE:

SHAUN (V.O.) (CONT’D) MONTAGE:
Take Pete’s car. Get Mum. SHAUN and ED pull up at
Barbara and Philip’s.

SHAUN (V.O.) (CONT’D) MONTAGE:
Deal with Philip. They stand behind ZOMBIE
PHILIP.

SHAUN (V.O.) (CONT’D) MONTAGE:
I’m sorry. Less anguished, they whack
PHILIP.

SHAUN (V.O.) (CONT’D) MONTAGE:
Go to Liz’s, pick her up and SHAUN, ED and BARBARA arrive
then come back here and wait at Liz’s. SHAUN carries LIZ
for it all to blow over. to the car. They pull up at
the HOUSE. They sit drinking
tea and eating biscuits.

BACK TO SCENE

ED
Perfect.

SHAUN
Wait. We can’t bring them here.

ED
Why not?

SHAUN
It’s not exactly safe, is it?

ED
Yeah. And look at the state of it.
There’s a corpse in the living
room.

SHAUN
Where’s safe? Where’s familiar?

ED
Where can I smoke?

SHAUN and ED look at each other.
53.

Cue MONTAGE:

SHAUN (V.O.) MONTAGE:
Get Mum. SHAUN and ED screech up.

SHAUN (V.O.) (CONT’D) MONTAGE:
Do Philip. SHAUN and ED are in a hurry.

SHAUN (V.O.) (CONT’D) MONTAGE:
Sorry. Whack!

SHAUN (V.O.) (CONT’D) MONTAGE:
Get Liz, then wait for all SHAUN carries LIZ out. They
this to blow over, in the pull up at THE WINCHESTER and
only truly sensible and safe are ushered in by JOHN and
place there is... the DORIS. They sit, drinking and
Winchester. eating bar snacks.

BACK TO SCENE

SHAUN
How’s that for a fried gold
sandwich?

The TV is still on in the background.

NEWSREADER (T.V.)
...To recap, it is vital that you
stay in your homes; make no attempt
to reach loved ones and avoid all
physical contact with the
assailants.

ED
You believe everything you hear on
TV?

SHAUN flicks the TV off.

Genres: ["Horror","Comedy","Drama"]

Summary Shaun and Ed devise a plan to rescue Shaun's mother and girlfriend during a zombie apocalypse. They decide to meet at the safe haven of the Winchester pub.

Strengths

Effective blending of genres
Sharp and witty dialogue
Compelling character dynamics

Weaknesses

Some cliched elements
Lack of originality in zombie apocalypse trope

Critique

The scene lacks clear direction and purpose, as it jumps between present dialogue and voice-over montages without a smooth transition.
The dialogue feels forced and lacks depth, especially in the interaction between Shaun and Ed regarding going to Liz's place.
The use of montages in the scene disrupts the flow and makes it difficult to follow the narrative progression.
The emotional beats in the scene, such as Shaun declaring his love for Liz, feel rushed and not fully explored.
The scene lacks tension and suspense, which is crucial in a zombie apocalypse setting.

Suggestions

Focus on developing the dialogue between Shaun and Ed to make it more authentic and emotionally resonant.
Streamline the use of montages to ensure they enhance the storytelling rather than detract from it.
Build up the suspense and tension by creating a sense of urgency and danger in the scene.
Consider adding more depth to the characters' motivations and conflicts to make the scene more engaging.
Work on creating a clear and cohesive narrative arc within the scene to drive the story forward effectively.

Scene 18 - Confronting the Walking Dead

Overall: 8.0
Concept: 8
Plot: 7
Characters: 7
Dialogue: 6

INT. FRONT DOOR -MOMENTS LATER

A curtain is pulled back. We see Pete’s RENAULT MEGANE.

SHAUN (O.S.)
I see it man. It’s right outside.

SHAUN’s at the front door. ED is psyching up. They both have
their respective weapons; a spade and a cricket bat.

ED
What’s the zombie situation?
54.

SHAUN
Don’t say that.

ED
What?

SHAUN
That.

ED
What?

SHAUN
The ‘Z’ word.

ED
Why not?

SHAUN
Because it’s ridiculous.

ED
Okay...are there any out there
though?

SHAUN looks out. The street seems empty.

SHAUN
No. Maybe it’s not as bad as all
that.
(looks the other way)
Oh no, there they are.

SHAUN points. We REFRAME a fraction to see LOTS OF ZOMBIES.

SHAUN (CONT’D)
Right, let’s do it.
(beat)
I’ve just go to do a wee first.

SHAUN skips to the loo. ED calls after.

ED
Can I drive?

SHAUN
What?

ED
I always wanted to drive Pete’s
car. I might not get another
chance.

SHAUN shrugs and throws ED the keys.
55.

INT. BATHROOM -MOMENTS LATER

A ZIP is unfastened...a TOILET FLUSHED...HAND washed.

SHAUN stares at his reflection in the open door of the

bathroom cabinet. He shuts it. In the reflection behind him-
NOTHING. He turns to see-

PETE. Standing naked in the shower, his face is contorted
with pain. His blank, milky eyes fix on a shocked SHAUN.

SHAUN
Pete, hi...

ZOMBIE PETE reaches out, his hand black and gangrenous.

SHAUN (CONT’D)
Listen man, we’re just going to
borrow your car...but we’ll bring
it back...

Terrified, SHAUN backs out. ZOMBIE PETE slowly follows.

SHAUN (CONT’D)
...if you feel better later...we’re
going to the pub. You’re more than
welcome to...join us.

ZOMBIE PETE
Uhhhhhh...

SHAUN slams the bathroom door and runs off downstairs. ANGLE
ON THE HANDLE. It turns...

INT. FRONT DOOR -CONTINUOUS

A shocked SHAUN rejoins ED, who’s jangling the car keys.

ED
Pete’d be so pissed off if he knew
I was driving his car. Wouldn’t he?

SHAUN
I don’t think so.

EXT. FRONT GARDEN -MOMENTS LATER

SHAUN walks briskly to the CAR. ED tags behind.
56.

ED
Shaun! Which button’s central
locking?

BANG. A FOOTBALL hits SHAUN on the head. He turns to see the
BORED KID. Now DEAD. Standing on the pavement nearby. ED
panics and presses any button. The MEGANE’s alarm goes off.

ED (CONT’D)
Cock it!

The nearby ZOMBIES turn slowly. The DEAD KID approaches...

ED pushes another button, the alarm stops and the locks flip
up. SHAUN and ED dive into the car. ED turns the key-

...The lights come on...The DEAD KID paws the bonnet...

...The wipers activate...The ZOMBIES lurch closer... The
indicators flash......A ZOMBIE NELSON approaches, hand
outstretched...The engine roars to life...The FRONT DOOR
bursts open. A naked PETE staggers out of the house...

SHAUN
Drive.

INT. CAR -AFTERNOON

ED drives fast through suburban streets. The radio is on.

RADIO NEWSREADER The Church of England has now joined
extremist groups in proclaiming the crisis as-

SHAUN looks out of the window to see...a FATHER bundling his
crying kids into a family car...an ABANDONED AMBULANCE with a
squirming bodybag on a gurney...ZOMBIES dotted around the
street and parks.

RADIO NEWSREADER (CONT’D)
-evidence of a coming apocalypse.
Once again bodies of the recently
dead-

ED
Can we put something else on?

ED whips out a cassette and puts it in the player. HARD HOUSE
booms. He grins at SHAUN-

WALLOP! Something flies off the bonnet, up over the car and
bounces across the road behind, ED slams on the brakes.
57.

ED (CONT’D)
We hit something.

SHAUN
Or someone.

ED leans on the horn, making them both jump.

Genres: ["Horror","Comedy"]

Summary Shaun witnesses the horrifying transformation of his friend Pete into a zombie. Panic-stricken, he flees, leaving Pete behind. With Ed, Shaun attempts to drive away in Pete's car but accidentally hits a pedestrian. Escaping the scene, they leave behind the zombified Pete.

Strengths

Effective blend of horror and comedy
Tension-building
Realistic character reactions

Weaknesses

Some dialogue could be more impactful

Critique

The scene effectively builds tension and suspense as Shaun and Ed prepare to confront the zombies outside.
The use of humor, such as Ed's desire to drive Pete's car and the banter between Shaun and Ed, adds depth to the scene.
The interaction between Shaun and Zombie Pete creates a sense of unease and fear, enhancing the horror elements of the scene.
The visual descriptions, such as the dead kid approaching the car and the zombies in the street, create a vivid and engaging setting.
The scene effectively sets up the action and danger that Shaun and Ed will face as they drive through the suburban streets filled with zombies.

Suggestions

Consider adding more internal thoughts or emotions for Shaun to deepen his character development and provide insight into his mindset.
Explore the dynamics between Shaun and Ed further to enhance their relationship and add complexity to their interactions.
Consider incorporating more sensory details to immerse the reader in the scene and enhance the atmosphere of tension and fear.
Ensure that the dialogue remains authentic and consistent with the characters' personalities and the tone of the scene.
Consider adding a moment of reflection or introspection for Shaun after the encounter with Zombie Pete to highlight the emotional impact of the situation.

Scene 19 - Unexpected Encounter

Overall: 8.0
Concept: 8
Plot: 7
Characters: 8
Dialogue: 7

EXT. ROAD -MOMENTS LATER

ED backs the car up level with the CRUMPLED BODY. SHAUN winds
down the window and calls over.

SHAUN
Are you alright?

ED
Come on, let’s just go.

SHAUN
Hello?

ED
They’ll be dead either way.

SHAUN
That’s not the point Ed-

A CRACKING SOUND. They turn to see the broken body lifting
its head, revealing...a GRIZZLED ZOMBIE. It hisses.

SHAUN (CONT’D)
Oh thank God for that.

The irony of this hits SHAUN as ED hits the gas.

EXT. STREET -AFTERNOON

SHAUN and ED pull up outside Barbara and Philip’s. The only
other car in the street is a gleaming JAGUAR XJ6 sitting in
the driveway. ED whistles.

ED
You didn’t tell me Barbara had a
Jag. Always wanted to drive one of
those.

SHAUN
It’s Philip’s and he won’t let
anyone near it.
(MORE)
58.

SHAUN (CONT'D)
I left half a Mars Bar in the glove
box once, he chased me round the
garden with a piece of wood.

ED
Fuck. It’s gorgeous.

SHAUN looks around. The street is strangely quiet.

SHAUN
Come on, it seems clear enough.

ED
Why don’t I stay here?

SHAUN
What? Why?

ED
Someone should stay with the car.
Keep watch. If there’s any
problems, I’ll honk three times.

SHAUN
Okay.

Uncertain, SHAUN runs up the path. ED calls after him.

ED
Don’t forget to kill Philip.

INT. BARBARA & PHILIP’S HALL -MOMENTS LATER

BARBARA
Hello pickle.

SHAUN
Hey Mum.

BARBARA
You’ve got red on you.

BARBARA gets a tissue from her sleeve, licks it and dabs his
cheek clean. SHAUN looks warily into the house.

SHAUN
You alright?

BARBARA
Yes, I’m fine.

SHAUN
Where’s Philip?
59.

BARBARA
Dad’s in the lounge.

SHAUN
He’s not my Dad.

BARBARA
Oh Shaun, really.

SHAUN
Sorry Mum. Listen, Ed’s outside,
we’re getting you out of here.

BARBARA
But we’ve got to wait for the
doctor.

SHAUN
I don’t know if the doctor’s
coming.

BARBARA
Well, I’m not sure Philip’s going
to want to leave the house darling.

SHAUN
Philip’s not...why don’t you pop
the kettle on? I’ll take care of
Philip.

BARBARA
Okay. Are you hungry?

SHAUN
Not really.

BARBARA
I’ll make some sandwiches.

SHAUN
Okay.

BARBARA
No fighting you two.

Genres: ["Horror","Comedy"]

Summary Shaun and Ed encounter a zombie on the road, then arrive at Barbara and Philip's house. Shaun reassures his mother and plans to take care of Philip, while Ed keeps watch outside.

Strengths

Effective blend of horror and comedy
Engaging character dynamics
Tense atmosphere

Weaknesses

Some dialogue could be more impactful
Emotional depth could be further explored

Critique

The scene lacks a sense of urgency and tension considering the zombie apocalypse setting. The interaction between Shaun and Ed feels too casual and lacks the intensity needed for the situation they are in.
The dialogue between Shaun and Ed could be more impactful and emotionally charged, especially when discussing the safety of Barbara and Philip. The conversation feels too light-hearted given the circumstances.
The transition from encountering the grizzled zombie on the road to arriving at Barbara and Philip's house feels abrupt and could use more build-up to create a smoother flow.
The scene could benefit from more visual descriptions to enhance the atmosphere and setting. Details about the surroundings, the state of the neighborhood, and the appearance of the zombies could help immerse the audience in the scene.
The emotional weight of the situation, such as Shaun's concern for his mother and the danger they are facing, could be portrayed more effectively through the characters' actions and dialogue.

Suggestions

Add more tension and urgency to the scene by emphasizing the imminent threat of the zombie apocalypse. The characters should be more on edge and the dialogue should reflect the seriousness of the situation.
Consider adding a sense of dread and suspense as Shaun and Ed approach Barbara and Philip's house. Build up the anticipation of what they might find inside and the potential dangers they could encounter.
Enhance the emotional depth of the scene by delving into Shaun's internal conflict about having to confront Philip and protect his mother. Show the internal struggle and the weight of the decisions he has to make.
Include more visual details to paint a vivid picture of the environment and the zombies lurking nearby. Use descriptive language to create a sense of unease and danger in the setting.
Work on the pacing of the scene to create a smoother transition between the different beats and moments. Allow the tension to build gradually and maintain a consistent level of suspense throughout.

Scene 20 - Tense Confrontation

Overall: 8.0
Concept: 8
Plot: 7
Characters: 9
Dialogue: 8

INT. BARBARA & PHILIP’S LOUNGE -CONTINUOUS

The door creaks open. A grey looking PHILIP is sat in an
armchair. He is inert, wrapped in a blanket and facing the
television, which plays RELIGIOUS PROGRAMMING. His eyes are
closed. SHAUN approaches him, mind racing. He raises the
CRICKET BAT above his head, as organ music on the TV swells.
60.

SHAUN
I’m so sorry Philip.

PHILIP
Why?

SHAUN yelps, hiding the BAT behind him.

PHILIP (CONT’D)
What have you done now?

SHAUN
Nuffin.

PHILLIP
What’ve you got there? Flowers I
hope.

SHAUN
No, it’s a...cricket bat.

BARBARA
Oh.

SHAUN yelps again as BARBARA appears and takes the bat.

BARBARA (CONT’D)
Is that for the jumble Shaun?

BARBARA
There’s a whole box of your toys
upstairs, I was going to give them
to the jumble.

PHILIP
I took them all to the tip,
Barbara.

SHAUN
Oh, what?

BARBARA
Shaun’s come to take us somewhere.

PHILIP
Don’t be silly, I’m not going
anywhere.

SHAUN
Well maybe you should stay here and
wait for the doctor. I’ll take Mum.

BARBARA
You said the doctor wasn’t coming.
61.

PHILIP
You didn’t call the doctor did you?

BARBARA
I just thought it was best to be
safe.

PHILIP
I’m quite alright, Barbara. I’ve
run it under a cold tap. And we had
our jabs when we went to the Isle
of Wight.

BARBARA
But Philip-

PHILIP
It’s all a lot of overblown
nonsense. Just a bunch of drugnuts
running wild.

SHAUN
Still, should get Mum away, in case
they come back.

BARBARA
I’m not going anywhere without
Philip.

SHAUN
Mum...listen, did you make that
tea?

INT. KITCHEN -MOMENTS LATER

BARBARA makes tea. SHAUN is agitated.

SHAUN
Mum?

BARBARA
Mmmm?

SHAUN
How much do you love Philip?

BARBARA
Two sugars is it?

SHAUN
I haven’t had sugar in my tea since
1982.
62.

BARBARA
Will you cut me some bread love?

SHAUN cuts bread with a fearsome looking bread knife.

SHAUN
Mum, how much do you love Philip?

BARBARA
Oh for goodness sake Shaun, must we
go through this again?

SHAUN
I’m sorry but...what would you
think if I told you that he has,
over the years, been quite unkind
to me.

BARBARA
You weren’t always the easiest
person to live with.

SHAUN
Mum, he chased me with a piece of
wood.

BARBARA
Well, you did call him a ‘you know
what’.

SHAUN
Did he tell you that?

BARBARA
Yes he did.

SHAUN
Motherfucker.

BARBARA
Shaun!

SHAUN
Sorry Mother...Mum. Did you know
that, on several occasions, he
touched me?

BARBARA flashes SHAUN a look.

SHAUN (CONT’D)
Sorry, that’s not true. Look, Mum
you don’t understand-

BARBARA stops what she’s doing. Turns to SHAUN.
63.

BARBARA
No you don’t understand, Philip is
my husband and has been for
seventeen years. I know you haven’t
always seen eye to eye but I would
at least expect you to respect my
feelings. You have to be more adult
about these things.

PHILIP (O.S.)
Yes come on Shaun...

PHILIP is stood at the kitchen door, his arm in a sling. He
looks weak but still towers over SHAUN.

PHILIP (CONT’D)
...there comes a time when you’ve
just got to be a man.

SHAUN glances down at the knife in his hand, then back at
PHILIP. His grip around the handle tightens.

Genres: ["Horror","Comedy","Drama"]

Summary Shaun contemplates violence towards Philip but is stopped by Barbara. Shaun accuses Philip of abuse, which is denied. The scene ends with Shaun threateningly gripping a knife as Philip stands nearby.

Strengths

Strong character dynamics
Emotional depth
Tension building
Effective dialogue

Weaknesses

Some dialogue may be overly dramatic
Pacing could be tightened in certain moments

Critique

The scene lacks clarity in terms of the characters' motivations and emotions. It's unclear why Shaun is contemplating hitting Philip with a cricket bat and then suddenly shifts to asking Barbara about her feelings towards Philip.
The dialogue feels forced and unnatural at times, especially the exchange between Shaun and Barbara about Philip's behavior towards Shaun.
There is a lack of tension and suspense in a scene that should be filled with emotional conflict and high stakes.
The transition between the kitchen and the lounge feels abrupt and disjointed, making it hard to follow the flow of the scene.
The scene could benefit from more visual cues and actions to enhance the storytelling and engage the audience.

Suggestions

Clarify the characters' motivations and emotions to make their actions more believable and engaging.
Rewrite the dialogue to make it more natural and reflective of the characters' personalities and relationships.
Build up the tension and suspense by focusing on the emotional conflict between Shaun, Barbara, and Philip.
Smooth out the transition between different locations to improve the flow of the scene.
Add more visual elements and actions to enhance the storytelling and create a more immersive experience for the audience.

Scene 21 - Ed's Zombie Revelation

Overall: 8.0
Concept: 8
Plot: 8
Characters: 7
Dialogue: 7

EXT. BARBARA & PHILIP’S HOUSE -MOMENTS LATER

SHAUN drags his cricket bat like a stroppy teenager as he
leads BARBARA and PHILIP up the path. There are still no
ZOMBIES around.

PHILIP
Told you this was a fuss over
nothing.

ED stands at the end of the garden, hands in his pockets.

BARBARA
Hello Edward. My you’ve grown!

ED
Better believe it.

ED nods to PHILIP then whispers to SHAUN.

ED (CONT’D)
What happened? Why’s he coming?

SHAUN
It wasn’t as easy as all that.

ED tuts at SHAUN. PHILIP stands by the JAG.

PHILIP
So, we’re following you are we?
64.

SHAUN
I think it’s best if we go in the-
(looks to ED)
Where’s the car?

ED looks sheepishly off. We follow his gaze to see the
RENAULT MEGANE wrapped around a lamppost. A write-off.

ED
I pranged it.

SHAUN
You were parked.

ED
Yeah...guess we’ll have to take the
Jag.

SHAUN takes a deep breath and turns to PHILIP.

SHAUN
Umm...Philip?

PHILIP
What?

A ZOMBIE appears right behind PHILIP. We recognise him as one
of the DAZED YOUNG CLUBBERS from earlier.

SHAUN
Look out!

Too late. The ZOMBIE grabs PHILIP and takes a huge bite out
of his shoulder.

PHILIP
CHRIST!

SHAUN sprints over and kicks the ZOMBIE clear. PHILIP falls.
Another CLUBBER ZOMBIE approaches, complete with whistle.

SHAUN
Philip, give me the car keys!

PHILIP
You’re not driving that car.

SHAUN
Phillip...

SHAUN spins and deftly smashes the 2nd ZOMBIE in the face-
knocking the whistle down his throat.
65.

SHAUN (CONT’D)
...give me the car keys!

PHILIP gives them to SHAUN, who throws them to ED.

SHAUN (CONT’D)
Ed! Get Mum in the car.

ED
I’m on it!

ED catches the keys and looks at them. He smiles for a moment
before ushering BARBARA in. SHAUN pulls PHILIP off the
ground, his neck gushes blood.

PHILIP
Don’t worry about me. Worry about
your mother.

SLAM! SHAUN jumps in the back with PHILIP. BARBARA’s up front
with ED, who’s admiring the Jag’s interior.

SHAUN
Maybe I should drive.

ED
I’ve adjusted the seat now.

SHAUN
Go on then. Just be caref-

He’s drowned out by ED’s HARD HOUSE tape. They scream off.

INT. JAG -AFTERNOON

London whizzes by. We catch whispers of ACCIDENTS, a CAR
driving erratically with a BABY CARRIAGE on the roof. We see
ZOMBIES beating down the doors of houses. A huddle of ZOMBIE
KIDS are gathered around a body next to an ABANDONED ICE
CREAM VAN.

SHAUN attempts to bandage the profusely bleeding PHILIP with
his jacket. The HARD HOUSE blares from the stereo.

PHILIP
Can we please turn that noise down?

BARBARA
(offering a handful of
tissues)
Are you alright dear, would you
like a tissue?
66.

PHILIP
I’d be fine, if it wasn’t for that
bloody racket.

BARBARA
It is a little loud.

ED turns it down immediately for her.

ED
Sorry Barbara.

PHILIP
You do realise this is a thirty
mile an hour zone?

ED
Oh yeah.

ED winks at BARBARA and speeds recklessly onward.

Genres: ["Horror","Comedy","Action"]

Summary While visiting Ed's house, Shaun, Barbara, and Philip encounter a crashed car and a zombie attack. They escape in Ed's Jag, with Shaun tending to Philip's wound. The scene highlights the dangers of the zombie apocalypse and the need for quick thinking.

Strengths

Intense action
Effective use of humor
Compelling character dynamics

Weaknesses

Some cliched zombie tropes
Lack of deeper emotional exploration

Critique

The scene lacks a clear sense of urgency and tension considering the situation with the zombies attacking Philip. The pacing could be improved to heighten the suspense and danger.
The dialogue feels a bit flat and could be more impactful, especially during the intense moments of the zombie attack. Adding more emotional depth and conflict in the conversations would enhance the scene.
The actions of the characters could be more dynamic and engaging. For example, Shaun's reaction to the zombie attack on Philip could be more visceral and desperate, showcasing the gravity of the situation.
The transition between the outdoor confrontation with the zombies and the car ride feels a bit abrupt. A smoother transition could help maintain the momentum of the scene.
The visual descriptions could be more vivid and detailed to create a clearer picture of the chaos and danger surrounding the characters. This would help immerse the audience in the scene.

Suggestions

Intensify the sense of urgency and danger by ramping up the pacing and adding more suspenseful elements to the scene.
Revise the dialogue to make it more impactful and emotionally charged, especially during the moments of conflict and crisis.
Enhance the character actions to make them more dynamic and reflective of the high-stakes situation they are in.
Smooth out the transition between different parts of the scene to maintain a cohesive flow and keep the audience engaged.
Provide more vivid and detailed visual descriptions to create a more immersive and compelling setting for the scene.

Scene 22 - Escape from the Zombies

Overall: 8.0
Concept: 8
Plot: 7
Characters: 7
Dialogue: 7

EXT. APARTMENT BLOCK -CONTINUOUS

The JAG screeches to a halt. Everyone is thrown forward. A
now heavily bandaged PHILIP moans in pain.

ED
Here.

The forecourt is dotted with a FEW ZOMBIES, who lurch over.

SHAUN
Mum, this won’t take a second.

SHAUN tries the door, it won’t open. He turns to PHILIP.

SHAUN (CONT’D)
Have you still got the child locks
on?

PHILIP
Safety first Shaun.

SHAUN winds down the window and squirms out.

SHAUN
Ed, stay moving. Any problems-

ED
Yeah, yeah. Do the honks.

ED cruises off around the forecourt. SHAUN heads for the
door. Three ZOMBIES block his path. He knocks them down.
67.

BUZZ. SHAUN slams the bell. Behind him the floored ZOMBIES
quietly pick themselves up and advance again.

DIANNE (O.S.)
Hello?

Before SHAUN can answer- HONK! HONK! HONK! ED beeps from the
Jag. SHAUN turns. The ZOMBIES are right on top of him.

Genres: ["Horror","Comedy","Action"]

Summary After a car crash, Shaun and his friends flee from zombies by driving to Shaun's apartment building. Discovering the door locked, Shaun exits to open it, only to be attacked by zombies. He fights them off, enters the building, and with his friends' help, keeps the zombies at bay.

Strengths

Effective genre blending
Strong character development
Tense action sequences

Weaknesses

Some cliched zombie tropes
Lack of deeper exploration of certain character motivations

Critique

The scene lacks a clear sense of urgency and tension considering the presence of zombies. The characters' reactions to the danger seem somewhat casual and nonchalant, which diminishes the impact of the threat.
The dialogue feels a bit flat and lacks depth, especially in a high-stakes situation like this. There is an opportunity to inject more emotion and fear into the characters' interactions.
The action sequences could be more dynamic and intense to convey the danger posed by the approaching zombies. The physical struggle between Shaun and the zombies could be more vividly described to create a sense of suspense.
The transition between the characters' actions and reactions feels a bit disjointed, with abrupt shifts in focus that disrupt the flow of the scene. A smoother progression of events would help maintain the tension and momentum.
The scene could benefit from more visual descriptions to enhance the atmosphere and setting. Details about the surroundings, the appearance of the zombies, and the characters' movements would help paint a clearer picture for the reader.

Suggestions

Consider ramping up the sense of danger and urgency in the scene to heighten the stakes and create a more gripping narrative.
Work on strengthening the dialogue to reflect the characters' emotions and the gravity of the situation. Add more depth to their interactions to make the scene more engaging.
Revise the action sequences to make them more intense and impactful. Focus on the physicality of the characters' struggles against the zombies to increase tension.
Smooth out the transitions between different character actions and reactions to improve the coherence of the scene. Ensure a logical progression of events to maintain the flow.
Include more vivid visual descriptions to bring the scene to life and immerse the reader in the environment. Use sensory details to enhance the atmosphere and setting.

Scene 23 - Escape from the Flat

Overall: 8.0
Concept: 8
Plot: 8
Characters: 7
Dialogue: 9

INT. LIZ’S FLAT -CONTINUOUS

A worried DAVID and DIANNE huddle round the entry phone,
which buzzes with sounds of PITCH BATTLE. LIZ emerges from
her room and joins them. There is a noise at the window-

It’s SHAUN. At the glass.

SHAUN
Guys? Let me in, please.

LIZ
What are you doing?

SHAUN
I’ve come to get you.

DIANNE
You’re bleeding.

SHAUN
It’s okay, it’s not mine.

LIZ opens the window. SHAUN tumbles in, bat in hand. LIZ
looks at him, half way between angry and impressed.

LIZ
Sorry, what are you doing?

SHAUN stands and catches his breath.

SHAUN
I’ve come to take you somewhere
safe.

DAVID
What do you mean safe? We were
perfectly safe until you turned up.

SHAUN
You don’t know that.
68.

DAVID
But there were only two of them
outside a minute ago and now how
many are there?

DIANNE
Lots.

DAVID
Lots.

SHAUN
Believe me, it only takes one of
them to know you’re in here. Liz, I
tried calling but I couldn’t get
through. I had to come up with a
plan.

LIZ
Oh, you made a plan?

SHAUN
I don’t care what the telly says,
we have to get out of here. If we
stay, they will break down the
door, they will come up here and
they will tear us to pieces and
that’s really going to exacerbate
matters for all of us.

LIZ
Smooth.

SHAUN
Listen to me. Please. You have to
trust me. I’ve been out there, I’ve
seen what’s happening. They’re not
just going to give up and go away.
They’ll keep coming.

LIZ
Shaun-

SHAUN
This isn’t about you and me Liz.
It’s about survival. We need to be
somewhere more secure, somewhere on
the ground. Somewhere we can
survive.

LIZ’s reluctance seems to waver.

DIANNE (O.S.)
We’re with you, Shaun.
69.

SHAUN LIZ
What? What?

DAVID
What?

DIANNE
We’re with you.

DAVID
I’m not going out there.

DIANNE
You saw Titus at the National,
Daffs. I don’t want to be torn to
pieces and I’m sure, if you really
think about it, neither do you.

DAVID
I’m not going if Lizzy isn’t going.

DIANNE
Of course she’s going.

DAVID
I’m not staying here on my own.

DIANNE
You’re going aren’t you Elizabeth?

DAVID
Lizzy?

SHAUN
Liz?

All eyes are on an uncertain LIZ. From outside, we hear a
building chorus of moans. LIZ takes a deep breath.

LIZ
Alright Flash, what did you have in
mind?

SHAUN
Right...uh, I’ve got a car outside,
but it’s going to be a bit cramped.
So, have either of you got
transport?

DIANNE
(putting up her hand)
Yes, yes.
70.

SHAUN
Good. Where?

DIANNE
Oh, no. I mean I’ve passed my test.

SHAUN
David?

DAVID
I don’t think there’s any point
owning a car in London.

SHAUN
Okay then, let’s just gather any
blunt objects. If you get cornered,
bash them in the head, that seems
to work. Just keep together, stay
sharp and follow me.

LIZ
So what is the plan then?

SHAUN flips up his cricket bat and gathers himself.

SHAUN
(firmly)
We’re going to The Winchester.

CLOSE on the incredulous faces of LIZ, DI and DAVID.

Genres: ["Horror","Comedy","Action"]

Summary Shaun arrives at Liz's flat injured and warns the group that more zombies are coming. Despite initial hesitation, they gather blunt objects for protection and decide to escape to The Winchester.

Strengths

Engaging dialogue
Tense atmosphere
Strong character dynamics
High stakes

Weaknesses

Some characters' reactions may seem unrealistic in the face of danger

Critique

The scene effectively builds tension and suspense as Shaun arrives at Liz's flat, bleeding and trying to convince the group to leave for safety.
There is a good balance of dialogue and action, with Shaun's urgency contrasting with Liz's initial reluctance.
The conflict between Shaun's insistence on leaving and the group's hesitation adds depth to the scene.
The dialogue is engaging and reveals the characters' personalities and dynamics effectively.
The visual of the zombies closing in on Shaun outside the window adds to the sense of danger and urgency.

Suggestions

Consider adding more physical descriptions and actions to enhance the visual impact of the scene.
Explore deeper into the emotional turmoil of the characters, especially Liz, as they face the decision to leave the safety of the flat.
Provide more context or backstory to further explain Shaun's determination to leave and the group's initial resistance.
Consider adding a moment of heightened tension or a twist to keep the audience engaged and on the edge of their seats.
Ensure that the resolution of the scene leads smoothly into the next part of the story, maintaining the momentum and suspense.

Scene 24 - Escape from the Zombies

Overall: 9.0
Concept: 8
Plot: 9
Characters: 8
Dialogue: 8

EXT. LIZ’S FLAT –MOMENTS LATER

CLOSE on the terrified faces of LIZ, DI and DAVID; as they
clumsily battle the ZOMBIES on their doorstep. LIZ wields a
hockey stick, DAVID an umbrella, DIANNE a piece of driftwood.
SHAUN guides them through the crowd with his cricket bat.

LIZ
Where’s the car?

HONK! The Jag pulls up, knocking a ROADSWEEPER ZOMBIE
flying...

ED
Whassup niggaz?

Everyone stops momentarily and looks at ED, before breaking
into a run for the Jag. LIZ squeezes into the front. SHAUN,
DAVID and DI pile in the back. SHAUN is jammed next to
PHILIP, who looks even worse. ZOMBIES encroach on the car.
71.

SHAUN
Apologies for the cramped
conditions.
(to Di)
Di, you sit on Dave’s lap if you
can.
(to Phillip)
Phillip, hang in there.
(to Ed)
Ed, fast as you can okay?
(to Barbara)
And Mum this is Liz.
(to Liz)
Liz, Mum.

LIZ
Hello.

BARBARA
Hello.

ED hits the gas. The engine roars.

INT/EXT. CAR -AFTERNOON

The Jag is unbearably cramped. ED drives fast, flying over
speed bumps. The HARD HOUSE is back on the stereo. PHILIP
moans weakly.

PHILIP
Shaun...

SHAUN
I know, I know. Be careful will you
Ed?

DIANNE
Is your Dad alright?

SHAUN
He’s not my Dad.

DIANNE
He’s bleeding.

SHAUN
I know. Ed, will you please be
careful?!

ED
Thought you wanted to get there
fast.
72.

ED swerves slightly. A ZOMBIE glances off the bonnet.

ED (CONT’D)
Oof!

SHAUN
I want to get there in one piece.
And why are we going this way?

ED
Chill out, it’s a short cut.

SHAUN
But the other road goes straight to
The Winchester.

PHILLIP
Shaun...

SHAUN ejects the tape with a huff.

DAVID
I still don’t actually understand
why we are going to The Winchester.

SHAUN looks at LIZ. They keep eye contact.

SHAUN
It’s a pub, it’s safe, it’s secure-

ED
They know us there.

LIZ
What makes it so secure?

SHAUN
(floundering)
It’s got heavy doors. It’s got dead
bolts. You’ve been to a lock in.

LIZ
Several.

ED
And there’s a rifle above the bar.

DAVID
I would think that’s deactivated.

DIANNE
Surely.
73.

ED
It’s not. I’m telling you, John’s
connected. Big Al says so.

SHAUN
Big Al also says dogs can’t look
up.

ED
They can’t.

DIANNE
Can’t they?

ED
No, they can’t.

SHAUN
Of course they can-

DIANNE
Are you sure?

SHAUN
Look, the pub’s the right place to
go. Everything’s gonna be fine.
Promise.

Hearing the ‘P’ word, LIZ, DAVID and DI frown at SHAUN.

PHILLIP
Shaun...

SHAUN
I turned it off, alright?

PHILIP
It’s not easy.

SHAUN
What?

PHILIP is fading, he tugs on SHAUN’s arm and whispers.

PHILIP
Being a father Shaun. It’s not
easy.

SHAUN is taken aback.

SHAUN
What?
74.

PHILIP
You were twelve when I met you,
you’d already grown up so much.

SHAUN
Yeah...well, I wasn’t the easiest
person to live with.

PHILIP
I just wanted you to be strong, not
give up because you lost your Dad.

SHAUN
Philip, you don’t have to
explain...

PHILIP
I do. I’ve always loved you Shaun,
always thought you had it in you to
do well. You just need motivation.
Somebody to prove yourself to. I
thought that could be me.

SHAUN nods, eyes wide. With huge effort, PHILIP puts his hand
on SHAUN’s shoulder.

PHILIP (CONT’D)
Take care of your Mum, there’s a
good boy.

PHILIP slips away. SHAUN closes his dead step-dad’s eyes.

SHAUN
(tremulously)
Ed, could you pull over?

ED
Two seconds.

ED swerves again. Another ZOMBIE bounces off the Jag.

ED (CONT’D)
Sweet chin music!

SHAUN
Ed! Will you just pull over,
please.

ED
What for?

SHAUN
ED, JUST PULL OVER!
75.

ED slams on the brakes. Everyone is thrown violently around
the interior as the car turns 180 and screams to a stop. The
passengers sit in shocked silence. ED whoops.

SHAUN (CONT’D)
Christ! What the hell are you
doing?

ED
Chill out. Everyone’s alright.

Furious, SHAUN punches the back of ED’s headrest.

SHAUN
Stop-telling-me-to-chill-out!

ED huffs in sulky protest. SHAUN gathers himself.

SHAUN (CONT’D)
And no, everyone is not alright.

LIZ
What’s wrong?

SHAUN
Uh, well...Mum?

BARBARA
What’s wrong Pickle?

SHAUN
Mum, it’s Philip...he’s gone.

BARBARA
Where’s he gone?

SHAUN
Mum, he’s dead.

BARBARA
No he’s not.

SHAUN looks at PHILIP who stares back milky eyed, UNDEAD.

ZOMBIE PHILIP
Uhhhhhh...

Shit. A scramble for the doors. ZOMBIE PHILIP claws hungrily
at SHAUN. BARBARA, LIZ and ED pile out; ED accidentally knees
the HARD HOUSE tape back into the stereo. It BLARES again.
DAVID and DI struggle to get out.

DAVID
It won’t open!
76.

DIANNE
It won’t open!

SHAUN
Ed, the child locks!

ED slopes towards the door, but LIZ quickly steps in before
him to open it. DAVID and DI fall out, followed by SHAUN. He
turns to see PHILIP lunge at him. SHAUN slams the car door.

SHAUN (CONT’D)
Safety first Philip.

SHAUN swings round and glowers at ED. He glowers right back.

DAVID
Now what?

The GANG are out in the open. The HARD HOUSE draws the
attention of several nearby ZOMBIES, who begin to close in.

SHAUN
We have to keep moving.

DIANNE
But how do we get Philip out of the
car?

SHAUN
We haven’t got time.

LIZ
What about the blunt objects?

ED
Do you want to get them?

ED nods to the slavering PHILIP. BARBARA looks on in shock.

BARBARA
Shaun, we can’t just leave your
Dad.

SHAUN
He’s not my Dad!

BARBARA
Oh Shaun-

SHAUN grabs a shaken BARBARA by the shoulders. BEHIND we see
ZOMBIE PHILIP lunging forward into the front seat.
77.

SHAUN
He’s not Mum. He was but he’s not
anymore-

BARBARA
I’m sure if we just-

SHAUN
That’s not even your husband. I
know it looks like him but believe
me, there is nothing of the man you
loved in that car now. Nothing.

BEHIND we see ZOMBIE PHILIP reach forward and SWITCH THE HARD
HOUSE OFF. He sits back and looks almost peaceful.

SHAUN (CONT’D)
Let’s go shall we?

DAVID
You’re not seriously suggesting we
walk are you?

Genres: ["Horror","Comedy","Action"]

Summary Liz, Di, David, and Shaun fight zombies outside Liz's flat. Ed rescues them in the Jag, but Philip, Shaun's stepfather, becomes a zombie. They abandon the car and Philip and continue on foot to the Winchester.

Strengths

Effective blend of horror and comedy
Tense and emotional moments
Strong character development

Weaknesses

Some moments of confusion in the action sequences

Critique

The scene lacks a clear sense of urgency and tension considering the dire situation the characters are in. The dialogue feels a bit disjointed and lacks the emotional depth needed for such a pivotal moment.
The transition from the emotional moment between Shaun and Philip to the chaos of the zombie attack feels abrupt and could be smoother to maintain the emotional impact of the scene.
The interactions between the characters, especially Shaun and Barbara, could be more nuanced and emotionally charged given the circumstances. The emotional weight of Philip turning into a zombie and Barbara's reaction could be explored further.
The humor injected by Ed's character feels out of place and disrupts the tension of the scene. It could be toned down to maintain the seriousness of the situation.
The visual descriptions could be enhanced to create a more vivid and immersive setting, especially during the zombie attack and the struggle to get Philip out of the car.

Suggestions

Focus on building tension and urgency throughout the scene to convey the gravity of the situation the characters are facing.
Work on the emotional depth of the interactions between the characters, particularly Shaun, Barbara, and Philip, to make the scene more impactful.
Smooth out the transitions between emotional moments and action sequences to maintain a cohesive narrative flow.
Consider toning down the humor to ensure it complements the tone of the scene rather than detracting from it.
Enhance the visual descriptions to create a more immersive and engaging setting for the zombie attack and the characters' struggle to deal with the situation.

Scene 25 - Lost in the Alley

Overall: 8.0
Concept: 8
Plot: 7
Characters: 9
Dialogue: 8

EXT. BACK ALLEY –LATER

SHAUN walks briskly along a high-fenced back alley.

SHAUN
Everyone okay back there?

ED (O.S.)
Yeah, we’re having a whale of a
time.

We see the GANG tagging along behind him; LIZ, DAVID and DI
followed by a dazed BARBARA. ED skulks at the back, smoking.

DIANNE
Maybe we should all hold hands,
y’know? Make a crocodile?

DAVID
Do you have any idea where you’re
going?

LIZ
David!

DAVID
Sorry Lizzy.
78.

LIZ
(whispering to Shaun)
Do you though?

SHAUN
Totally, totally.

LIZ
But are we close?

SHAUN peers through fence slats into a nearby garden. The
MULLET HAIRED FIFTYSOMETHING from the pub lies dead on the
grass surrounded by a ravenous huddle of FEMALE ZOMBIES.

SHAUN
Pretty close.

LIZ looks back to the glazed BARBARA, concerned.

LIZ
Is your Mum going to be okay?

SHAUN
I hope so. Did you manage to
contact your folks?

LIZ
They’re in Antigua.

SHAUN
D’you think it’s happening there?

LIZ
I hope not.

SHAUN
Look Liz...about last night. I know
a lot of things were said, but I
just wanted you to know that-

LIZ
Shaun, you said this wasn’t about
you and me.

SHAUN
It’s not. I just wanted-

LIZ
You said it was about survival.

SHAUN
It is-
79.

LIZ
You’re not doing all this just to
prove something are you?

SHAUN
No-

LIZ
Because, I meant everything I said
last night. Nothing’s changed-

A SCREAM in the distance is answered by a chorus of distant
and not so distant moans which seem to surround them.

LIZ (CONT’D)
Maybe this isn’t the best time to
talk about it.

SHAUN
I know, I know, I just-

BANG. SHAUN walks right into-

YVONNE
Ohmigod, Shaun!

SHAUN
Yvonne?

YVONNE is heading in the opposite direction with an uncannily
similar bunch of FRIENDS and FAMILY.

YVONNE
How you doing?

SHAUN
Uh...surviving.

YVONNE
Hey Liz. Long time no see.

LIZ
Hey Yvonne. Haven’t seen you
since...

YVONNE replies with her dance again, then turns to her party.

YVONNE
Sorry, this is my boyfriend Declan.
That’s my Dad, my friends Mark and
Maggie, my cousin Tom.

Everyone mumbles a respective ‘hello’.
80.

YVONNE (CONT’D)
This is Shaun and his girlfriend
Liz-

DAVID
They’ve broken up.

YVONNE
Oh really...?

LIZ
Yeah...

SHAUN looks at the ground. YVONNE looks awkward.

YVONNE
That’s a shame...Well we should
skoot. Have you got somewhere
you’re going?

SHAUN
Yeah, we’re heading to the
Winchester.

YVONNE
The pub?

SHAUN
Yeah.

YVONNE
Right, well. Good luck.

SHAUN
You too.

YVONNE and SHAUN hug. This time it’s real and affectionate.
The two groups move their separate ways. There is a weird
poignancy to this passing...before YVONNE calls out.

YVONNE
Shaun?

YVONNE points in a completely different direction.

YVONNE (CONT’D)
Isn’t the Winchester that way?

Genres: ["Horror","Comedy","Drama"]

Summary Shaun leads his group through a back alley, facing concerns about his leadership and Barbara's condition. They encounter Yvonne's group and exchange information, with Yvonne providing a new direction towards the Winchester pub, leaving the group with a sense of uncertainty and unease.

Strengths

Natural dialogue
Complex character relationships
Blend of genres
Emotional depth

Weaknesses

Some awkward moments
Lack of action sequences

Critique

The scene lacks a clear sense of urgency and tension considering the zombie apocalypse setting. The dialogue feels a bit too casual and lacks the intensity needed for the situation.
The interaction between Shaun and Liz about their relationship feels out of place given the circumstances. It detracts from the overall tone of the scene.
The introduction of Yvonne and her group feels abrupt and doesn't add much to the scene. It could be integrated more smoothly into the narrative.
The transition from the conversation about Shaun and Liz's relationship to encountering Yvonne and her group is a bit disjointed and could be better connected.
The direction of the characters towards the Winchester pub at the end feels a bit forced and could be more organically motivated.

Suggestions

Increase the sense of urgency and danger in the scene to align with the zombie apocalypse setting.
Consider revising the dialogue between Shaun and Liz to make it more fitting for the situation they are in.
Integrate the introduction of Yvonne and her group more seamlessly into the scene to make it feel more natural.
Work on the transition between different elements of the scene to create a smoother flow of events.
Reconsider the characters' motivations and actions to ensure they are consistent with the overall tone and narrative of the screenplay.

Scene 26 - Trespassing and Shortcuts

Overall: 8.0
Concept: 8
Plot: 7
Characters: 8
Dialogue: 7

EXT. ALLEY –AFTERNOON

CRASH. A gate is kicked open.
81.

SHAUN
What’d I tell you? Pub’s just over
there.

We see the WINCHESTER’s sign in the distance.

DAVID
‘Just over there’? What about the
twenty garden fences?

We CRANE DOWN to reveal a line of back gardens. SHAUN steps
forward and peers into the next garden.

SHAUN
What’s the matter David, never
taken a short cut?

SHAUN attempts to vault the fence in a super cool fashion.
However it breaks under his weight, an entire section of
fence FALLING FLAT. SHAUN quickly gets up and beckons the
others to follow. BARBARA dawdles behind in a dazed fashion.

BARBARA
I’m sure Jill and Derek live round
here.

EXT. GARDENS –AFTERNOON

The GANG move commando style, from garden to garden.

DAVID
Of course, in reality, we are
trespassing. Am I right, Lizzy?

LIZ doesn’t answer. She is distracted by evidence of other
lives affected by the crisis...a dog sitting next to a DEAD
BODY...the twitching silhouette of a HANGED MAN...a ZOMBIE IN
PYJAMAS clawing at PATIO DOORS.

EXT. THE FINAL GARDEN –CONTINUOUS

They reach a family garden, complete with outdoor games.

SHAUN
Right...Everyone just stay where
they...hang on, are we all here?

DI does a quick head count.

DIANNE
One, two, three, four, five. Yes.
82.

SHAUN
There’s six of us.

A YELP from next door.

SHAUN (CONT’D)
Mum!

SHAUN jumps onto a TRAMPETTE and vaults the fence with
lightning speed...

EXT. PENULTIMATE GARDEN –CONTINUOUS

...and lands to find BARBARA sprawled on the grass. He helps
her to her feet.

SHAUN
Mum, are you okay?

BARBARA
I don’t think Jill & Derek do live
here.

SHAUN looks to the house. The PATIO DOOR is now open...

Genres: ["Horror","Comedy"]

Summary Shaun leads the group through a series of back gardens to take a shortcut to the Winchester pub, despite David's concerns about trespassing. Along the way, they encounter evidence of the zombie crisis, and Barbara struggles to keep up. Shaun helps Barbara over a fence, and they realize that Jill and Derek do not live in the current garden.

Strengths

Effective blend of horror and comedy
Strong character development
High level of tension and suspense

Weaknesses

Some moments of confusion for the characters
Occasional lack of clarity in dialogue

Critique

The scene lacks a clear sense of urgency and tension considering they are in the midst of a zombie apocalypse. The dialogue feels a bit too casual and lacks the intensity needed for the situation.
The physical action of vaulting the fence could be more dynamic and impactful to match the gravity of the situation. It currently comes across as more comedic than suspenseful.
The transition from the previous scene to this one could be smoother to maintain the momentum of the story. It feels a bit abrupt and disjointed.
The character interactions could be more focused on the immediate danger they are facing rather than casual banter. This would help to heighten the stakes and keep the audience engaged.
The visual elements described in the scene could be enhanced to create a more vivid and immersive setting. Descriptions of the surroundings and the zombies could be more detailed and impactful.

Suggestions

Consider adding more urgency and tension to the dialogue and actions of the characters to reflect the dire situation they are in.
Revise the physical action of vaulting the fence to make it more intense and suspenseful.
Work on creating a smoother transition between scenes to maintain the flow of the story.
Focus on the immediate danger and the characters' reactions to it to keep the audience engaged.
Enhance the visual descriptions to create a more immersive and vivid setting for the scene.

Scene 27 - The Final Garden Standoff

Overall: 8.0
Concept: 8
Plot: 7
Characters: 9
Dialogue: 8

EXT. THE FINAL GARDEN –CONTINUOUS

LIZ
Shaun, are you okay?

CRASH. SHAUN tumbles through the fence, struggling with the
PYJAMA ZOMBIE.

LIZ (CONT’D)
Oi!

LIZ and DIANNE leap into action. DAVID panics. ED slopes
around for a weapon, but LIZ is already brandishing a KID’S
CHAIR. ED shrugs and backs off.

LIZ (CONT’D)
Break it up!

LIZ whacks the PYJAMA ZOMBIE, breaking the chair over its
head. SHAUN gets to his feet and turns to see DAVID standing
around and ED texting someone. SHAUN can’t believe it.

DIANNE
Shaun!

DIANNE pulls a SWINGBALL out of the ground and throws it to
SHAUN. He looks at it, unsure what to do.
83.

LIZ demonstrates a stabbing move. SHAUN flips up the sharp
end of the SWINGBALL pole and drives it through the PYJAMA
ZOMBIE’s chest, pinning him to a tree. Breathless, he spins
round to DAVID and ED.

SHAUN
Feel free to step in anytime!

ED
You seem to be doing alright.

DAVID
I didn’t want to cramp your style.

Incredulous, SHAUN shakes his head. He walks over to a
child’s slide, by the fence.

SHAUN
Right-

BARBARA
So sorry about that.

SHAUN
-Everyone just stay where they are.
I’ll check if the coast is clear.

SHAUN climbs up...then climbs down.

LIZ
Is it clear?

SHAUN
No.

LIZ
How many?

SHAUN
Lots.

We CRANE UP over the fence to reveal a HUNDRED WALKING DEAD
between them and the pub. The GANG peer through the gaps.

DAVID
Oh well, that’s just great.

DIANNE
There are a fair few of them.

SHAUN stands a little way off, looking despondent.
84.

DAVID
I trust Shaun has another genius
scheme up his sleeve?

LIZ
This is hardly constructive David!

DAVID
No Lizzy, this is a waste of time.
We should have stayed at the flat.

ED
Why didn’t you?

DAVID
Because-

ED
Because what?

DAVID
Because of...Captain Wow!

LIZ
Will you stop it!

DIANNE
We’re not going to get anywhere by
moaning.

PYJAMA ZOMBIE (O.S.)
Uhhhhhh...

All turn to the PYJAMA ZOMBIE. It’s ‘alive’, but stuck on the
SWINGBALL pole, the ball too big for the hole made by the
shaft. It MOANS, frustrated. DIANNE has an idea.

Genres: ["Horror","Comedy"]

Summary Liz and Dianne team up to defeat a pajama zombie, while Shaun uses a swingball to pin it to a tree. Barbara apologizes for the trouble, and Shaun checks for a way out. David blames Shaun for their predicament, but Liz tells him to stop complaining. Dianne suggests they focus on finding a way out. The scene ends with the group looking dismayed at the large number of zombies outside the fence.

Strengths

Humorous dialogue
Creative use of weapons
Character dynamics

Weaknesses

Lack of significant character development
Predictable outcome

Critique

The scene starts with a chaotic moment as Shaun tumbles through the fence, which is a good way to create immediate tension and action.
There is a good balance of action and dialogue, with Liz and Dianne leaping into action while David panics and Ed is more passive.
The use of a kid's chair and a swingball as weapons adds a unique and creative element to the scene, making it more visually interesting.
The dialogue between the characters helps to establish their personalities and dynamics, with Shaun feeling frustrated by David and Ed's lack of help.
The revelation of a large horde of zombies at the end of the scene creates a sense of impending danger and raises the stakes for the characters.

Suggestions

Consider adding more physical descriptions and reactions to enhance the visual impact of the action sequences.
Try to delve deeper into the emotions and motivations of the characters during the scene to make their actions and decisions more impactful.
Explore ways to increase the tension and suspense throughout the scene, building towards the reveal of the large group of zombies at the end.
Consider tightening the dialogue to make it more concise and impactful, focusing on key exchanges that reveal character dynamics and drive the plot forward.
Think about incorporating more sensory details to immerse the reader in the scene and create a vivid, engaging experience.

Scene 28 - Zombie Practice

Overall: 8.0
Concept: 8
Plot: 7
Characters: 9
Dialogue: 8

EXT. FINAL GARDEN –MOMENTS LATER

The GANG stand studying the captive PYJAMA ZOMBIE.

DIANNE
Right, shake out. Get nice and
limber. Have another look at the
way he moves. Remember it’s very
limp. Almost like sleepwalking. And
look at the face, vacant with a
hint of sadness. Like a drunk who’s
lost a bet. And the voice, it’s a
glottal rumble with a neutral ‘A’.
Okay everyone, let’s have a look
shall we?
85.

They all do their zombie impressions. LIZ gives good moan.

DIANNE (CONT’D)
Nice, good vocal work Liz.

BARBARA is glazed over.

DIANNE (CONT’D)
Barbara, that’s excellent.

BARBARA
I’m sorry dear, I was miles away.

DIANNE
Daffs?

DIANNE moves on. DAVID gives a lacklustre performance.

DIANNE (CONT’D)
Oh come on.

DAVID
I feel silly.

DIANNE
Just try to make yourself very
loose.

DAVID tries again. It’s exactly the same.

DIANNE (CONT’D)
It’s mournful, sorrowful, you’re
dead and you hate it.

DAVID tries again. It’s still the same.

DIANNE (CONT’D)
Better. Ed?

ED
I’ll do it on the night.

SHAUN
This is the night.

ED makes a sarcastic ZOMBIE noise. SHAUN tuts.

ED
What about yours?

SHAUN
What?
86.

ED
Well, who died and made you king of
the zombies?

SHAUN flashes him an admonishing look, then proceeds to do a
pretty good ZOMBIE impression. ED has to concede.

ED (CONT’D)
Pretty good.

DIANNE
Okay, now let’s try it
altogether...1, 2, 3-

Genres: ["Horror","Comedy"]

Summary The gang studies the captive Pyjama Zombie and practices their zombie impressions. Dianne leads the group, giving detailed instructions and offering feedback. Liz, Barbara, and Shaun give good performances, while David and Ed struggle. Ed challenges Shaun's leadership, but Shaun asserts himself with a strong zombie impression. Dianne attempts to guide the group through a collective zombie impression.

Strengths

Humorous dialogue
Character interactions
Unique concept

Weaknesses

Limited exploration of main conflict
Minimal character development

Critique

The scene lacks a sense of urgency and tension considering they are in the midst of a zombie apocalypse. The focus on practicing zombie impressions feels out of place and detracts from the gravity of their situation.
The dialogue and interactions between the characters feel forced and do not contribute to the overall narrative or character development. It comes across as filler content rather than meaningful dialogue.
The pacing of the scene is slow and does not align with the high stakes of their situation. There should be a sense of urgency and a clear objective for the characters to achieve in this scene.
The humor in the scene feels out of place given the circumstances. It undermines the tension and suspense that should be present in a zombie apocalypse scenario.
The character interactions and dynamics could be more compelling and engaging. There is a lack of depth and conflict between the characters that could add layers to the scene.

Suggestions

Consider revising the scene to focus on the characters preparing for a zombie attack or strategizing their next move. This will add tension and urgency to the scene.
Introduce meaningful dialogue that reveals character motivations, fears, and conflicts. This will help deepen the characters and engage the audience in their journey.
Enhance the pacing of the scene by cutting down on unnecessary dialogue and actions. Keep the focus on the main objective of the characters and their survival.
Adjust the tone of the scene to align with the seriousness of the situation. While humor can be effective, it should be used sparingly and in a way that enhances the narrative.
Explore the relationships between the characters and introduce conflicts that drive the scene forward. This will add depth and complexity to the interactions.

Scene 29 - Zombie Ambush

Overall: 8.0
Concept: 8
Plot: 7
Characters: 8
Dialogue: 7

EXT. STREET OUTSIDE THE WINCHESTER –EVENING

THE GANG
Uhhhhhh...

All doing their ZOMBIE impersonations, the GANG slowly move
towards the pub. They are surrounded by legions of genuine
ZOMBIES, who seem to be falling for it, despite only SHAUN,
LIZ and DIANNE putting in any effort. DAVID is stiff with
fear, ED isn’t trying and BARBARA is just glazed.

They reach the pub door and surreptitiously bang on it. It’s
locked. The GANG speak in whispers between their fake moans.

SHAUN
Get round me.

The GANG surround SHAUN. He kneels at the letter box.

SHAUN (CONT’D)
John, Bernie, are you there?
(louder)
John! John! Bernie!

Some of the nearby ZOMBIES are faintly suspicious.

SHAUN (CONT’D) DAVID
It’s Shaun and Ed. We come in It’s not working.
all the time.

SHAUN (CONT’D) DAVID
We do the quiz. They can hear you!

SHAUN (CONT’D) DAVID
Y’know, Q.W.A. Quizzers With They know!
Attitude

DIANNE
Stay in character Daffs.
87.

SHAUN
I can’t see them.

More ZOMBIES cotton on to the GANG’s noise. LIZ looks over to
BARBARA who is now rifling around in her handbag.

LIZ
Is everything okay Barbara?

BARBARA
I’m sure I had some more tissues in
here.

LIZ
Shaun, we have to get inside.

DAVID
Break the window.

SHAUN
Don’t be so stupid. We’ll be
totally exposed.

DAVID
We are totally exposed. Break the
window.

LIZ
Is there another way in Shaun?

SHAUN
There's a-

A HALLOWEEN RING TONE. SHAUN glares furiously at ED, almost
daring him to answer it. He does, holding up a hand.

ED
Two seconds...
(into the phone)
Hey E-ball. Can’t talk now. No, I
ain’t got nuffin. No, I’m right in
the middle of something. Yeah,
weird innit?-

SHAUN SMACKS THE MOBILE FROM ED’S HAND. It skitters away.

ED (CONT’D)
What you doing?

SHAUN
What am I doing? What are you doing
you stupid moron?
88.

ED
Fuck off.

SHAUN
No, you fuck off. Fuck-fucking-off!

SHAUN smacks ED hard with each successive ‘fuck’.

LIZ
Shaun-

SHAUN
I’ve spent a lifetime sticking my
neck out for you, you idiot and all
you ever do is fuck things up. Fuck
things up and make me look stupid.
Well, I’m not going to let you do
it. Not today.

ED is for once, speechless. LIZ taps SHAUN on the shoulder.

LIZ
Shaun...

SHAUN turns to see EVERY SINGLE ZOMBIE LOOKING AT THEM.

LIZ (CONT’D)
You were saying about another way
in?

SHAUN
Uh...yeah, there’s a-

CLATTER. DAVID has tipped over the NEARBY BIN, spilling the
contents across the floor. He lifts it above his head.

LIZ SHAUN
WHAT YOU DOING? WHAT YOU DOING?

He launches the bin at the pub window. SMASHES IT WIDE OPEN.

DAVID
Get inside!

SHAUN
No. They’ll follow us!

DAVID
What?

SHAUN
They’ll follow us. Keep up the act.
I’m going to have to do something.
89.

LIZ
What do you mean, “do something”?

SHAUN makes a big decision. He runs over to a picnic table-

SHAUN
Oiiiiiiiiiiiiii!

EVERY SINGLE ZOMBIE turns their attention to SHAUN.

SHAUN (CONT’D)
Wait ‘til I’ve gone, then get
inside.

LIZ ED
Gone where? Gone where?

SHAUN (CONT’D)
(looks directly at Ed)
I won't be gone long.
(to LIZ)
Promise.

SHAUN looks at ED who looks back, concerned. A moment of
silent understanding. SHAUN jumps down right into the thick
of the approaching hordes and sprints off, yelling and waving
his arms, drawing all the ZOMBIES away. He disappears out of
sight. The GANG are all shocked by this, particularly ED.

DAVID
Shall we go in then?

As the GANG move toward the pub, BARBARA picks up the bunch
of flowers from the strewn rubbish and looks at the card.

LIZ
Come on Barbara. Leave them.

BARBARA
But they’re for me.

As LIZ helps BARBARA through the window, a single ZOMBIE, the
DEAD IRISH SPINSTER turns to see them disappear inside.

Genres: ["Horror","Comedy","Action"]

Summary Shaun attempts to enter a pub disguised as a zombie. However, David and Ed's incompetence lead to a chaotic situation. Shaun distracts the zombies while the gang enters the pub, except for Barbara, who stops to collect flowers.

Strengths

Tension building
Creative concept
Strong character dynamics

Weaknesses

Some characters lack development
Lack of significant character change

Critique

The scene effectively builds tension and suspense as the gang tries to enter the Winchester pub while surrounded by zombies.
There is a good balance of humor and seriousness in the scene, with moments of comedic dialogue and actions mixed with the urgency of the situation.
The conflict between Shaun and Ed adds depth to their relationship and highlights the stress of the zombie outbreak.
The decision-making process and actions of the characters are clear and drive the scene forward effectively.
The scene effectively sets up the next steps for the characters and leaves the audience wanting to know what happens next.

Suggestions

Consider adding more physical descriptions of the zombies and the setting to enhance the atmosphere and tension.
Explore the emotional impact of the characters' decisions and actions, especially in moments of conflict and resolution.
Further develop the relationship dynamics between the characters, especially Shaun and Ed, to add depth to their interactions.
Consider adding more internal monologue or character reflections to provide insight into their thoughts and motivations.
Ensure a smooth transition to the next scene by setting up clear stakes and objectives for the characters.

Scene 30 - Uneasy Reunion at the Winchester

Overall: 8.0
Concept: 8
Plot: 7
Characters: 9
Dialogue: 8

INT. THE WINCHESTER –LATER

CAMERA PANS 360 round the pub lounge. It’s deserted, lit only
by fading shafts of daylight. The curtains have been drawn
over the broken window and billow ominously. We find LIZ and
DIANNE sitting silently with BARBARA staring at the opening.
ED stands forlornly by the fruit machine. DAVID paces.
90.

BARBARA
Will Shaun be gone long?

LIZ
No Barbara.

DAVID
It’s a good twenty minutes since he
went.

ED
Seventeen.

DAVID
Either way we should think about
blocking up the window. We’re
totally exposed.

DIANNE
How will Shaun get back in?

DAVID
I’m sure he’ll knock.

Nobody moves. We can hear DISTANT MOANS outside.

DAVID (CONT’D)
Oh for goodness sakes, let’s at
least get some lights on.

DAVID strides over to some light switches. LIZ leaps up.

LIZ
David, wait-

DAVID goes ahead and flips the switches. Nothing happens.

DAVID
Power’s off.

LIZ
That’s a good thing. We don’t want
to advertise our whereabouts more
than we already have.

DAVID
No of course not-

LIZ
Do we David?

DAVID
No, of course not Lizzy. I’m just
trying to be pro- active.
(MORE)
91.

DAVID (CONT'D)
We have to face some facts here;
the power and phones are off,
there’s no sign of the owners and
there’s a bloody great hole in the
window.

ED
You did that you twat!

DAVID
Someone had to make a decision. I
don’t know if you noticed but we
were in a spot of bother back
there. Somebody needs to take
control of this situation and if no-
one else is prepared to take on
that responsibility, then perhaps I
should.

Nobody speaks. Again we hear the DISTANT MOANS.

BARBARA
Will Shaun be gone long?

LIZ
He’ll be back soon.

DAVID
How can you know that? How do we
know he’s even coming back?

DIANNE
I don’t think he’d leave us Daffs.

DAVID
Wouldn’t he? Lizzy, are you really
going to put your faith in a man
who last night you spectacularly
binned for, among other things,
being unreliable? A man whose idea
of a romantic nightspot and an
impenetrable fortress are the same
thing. A pub. We are in a pub. What
the hell are we going to do?

ED
I could get a round in.

BARBARA
Will Shaun be gone long?
92.

LIZ
Look, let’s just keep quiet and
wait for Shaun. We can barricade
the window when he gets back.

DAVID
Ok, then what? I mean how long are
we going to be here? Hours? Weeks?
What about food? What are we going
to eat?

DIANNE
Toasties?

ED
Yeah, there’s a Breville out back.

DAVID
Phew, that’s okay then. Oh wait,
there’s no power!

ED
Shut up, we got plenty of bar
snacks.

DAVID
Well as long as we’ve got nibbles,
we’re saved. That must be why Shaun
dragged us here. Dragged us here
and buggered off.

LIZ
He’s coming back.

DAVID
Why, because he promised? Even if
he does come back, do you really
think his master plan will extend
to anything more than sitting in
the dark eating peanuts? He’s gonna
stroll on in and make everything
okay is he? He’s-

LIZ
I DON’T KNOW DAVID! I don’t know
anymore than you do. What I do know
is that we’re here now and we have
to make the best of it.
(takes a breath)
Ed, get me adouble vodka.

ED
Right you are.
93.

DIANNE
I’ll have one too actually. Would
you like a drink Barbara?

BARBARA
Hello.

DAVID
Yeah, fuck it. Let’s all get
bladdered shall we? Great idea. Why
don’t we have some nibbles while
we’re at it?

DAVID flounces behind the bar and rifles through boxes of
snacks, before petulantly throwing them out into the lounge.

DAVID (CONT’D)
We’ve got Mini Chedders....

LIZ
David-

DAVID
We’ve got Twiglets...

DIANNE
Daffs-

DAVID
...we’ve got ‘Hog Lumps’...

A HAND SNATCHES THEM FROM MID-AIR! A perfect catch.

BARBARA
Pickle?

SHAUN
Hello Mum.

SHAUN IS BACK. Striding in from behind the bar. There’s shock
and delight from all but DAVID. SHAUN strolls over to LIZ.

SHAUN (CONT’D)
Everything okay?

SHAUN pops a Pork Scratching into his mouth.

SHAUN (CONT’D)
Any sign of John and Bernie?

DIANNE
We haven’t seen them.
94.

SHAUN
Did you check upstairs?

SHAUN goes to the back corridor and tries a door marked
‘PRIVATE’. He forces it a little. It won’t open.

DIANNE
I think it’s locked.

SHAUN
What’s the phone situation?

DIANNE
Dead. Same as the power.

SHAUN nods and takes stock. He offers LIZ the Scratchings.

LIZ
Nice of you to join us.

SHAUN
Promised didn’t I?

DAVID steps in.

DAVID
How did you lose them?

SHAUN
I just gave them the slip. It
wasn’t too difficult. They’re not
all that.

SHAUN casually leans back against the bar.

DAVID
So you haven’t been bitten then?

SHAUN
Do I look like I’ve been bitten?

DAVID eyes SHAUN’s bloodstained shirt, suspiciously.

DAVID
Yes.

SHAUN
(indicating stains)
Look, this is all from earlier and
this is from Philip.

DAVID
And what’s that?
95.

SHAUN
Pen.

DAVID
And how did you get in?

SHAUN
There is a back door. Through the
yard. I tried to tell you before
you went and smashed the window.

DAVID
What stopped you?

SHAUN
You went and smashed the window.

DAVID
I wasn’t the one blowing our cover
by having a tiff with my boyfriend.

SHAUN
He’s not my boyfriend.

A freshly pulled pint slides down the bar into SHAUN’s hand.

ED
Might be a bit warm. Cooler’s off.

SHAUN
Thanks babe.

SHAUN takes a long swig. Everyone looks at him expectantly.

LIZ
So what’s the plan then?

TIME CUT TO:

Genres: ["Horror","Comedy","Drama"]

Summary Amidst the eerie darkness of the power-outage-stricken Winchester pub, a divided group confronts uncertainty. Suspicions arise as Shaun, their leader, returns with news of lost companions but an unsettlingly nonchalant demeanor. Questions about the broken window, the lack of supplies, and Shaun's bloodstained shirt echo in the air. David, confrontational and wary, challenges Shaun's vague responses and lack of leadership. As Liz seeks guidance on their next move, Shaun's evasiveness casts a shadow over the group's fragile trust.

Strengths

Sharp dialogue
Tension-building
Character dynamics
Conflict escalation

Weaknesses

Repetitive dialogue
Lack of action
Limited physical description

Critique

The scene lacks a sense of urgency and tension, considering they are in a life-threatening situation with zombies outside.
The dialogue feels repetitive and doesn't add much to the scene, especially the constant questioning of Shaun's return.
The character interactions are not dynamic or engaging, with most of them just waiting around and making small talk.
The conflict between David and Shaun is not fully explored or resolved, leaving it hanging without a satisfying conclusion.
The pacing of the scene is slow, and there is a lack of momentum leading into the next part of the story.

Suggestions

Increase the sense of danger and urgency by having the characters react more actively to the zombie threat.
Add more depth to the dialogue by focusing on character motivations, fears, and conflicts rather than repetitive questions.
Enhance the character interactions by introducing more dynamic exchanges and emotional moments.
Resolve the conflict between David and Shaun in a more impactful way to add closure to their tension.
Improve the pacing by building up to a climactic moment that propels the story forward and sets up the next scene.

Scene 31 - Apparent Apathy

Overall: 8.0
Concept: 8
Plot: 8
Characters: 7
Dialogue: 8

INT. THE WINCHESTER –EVENING

SHAUN
Anybody want a peanut?

The GANG sit in the dark, in their OPENING SCENE positions at
their usual table, BARBARA is huddled nearby. Empty glasses
and mountain of empty snack packets on the table. Chairs and
tables are stacked against the doors and windows. The general
mood has soured. DAVID looks at SHAUN smugly.

SHAUN (CONT’D)
How about another drink?
96.

Nobody does. SHAUN looks to the pool table.

SHAUN (CONT’D)
How about pool?

Again, no response.

SHAUN (CONT’D)
Probably a bit noisy...with
the...uh ball release...

SHAUN fiddles with his beermat.

SHAUN (CONT’D)
Ed, why don’t you do your ‘Clyde’?

ED
Nah.

SHAUN
(to the others)
Have you ever seen ‘Every Which Way
But Loose’? Ed does the most
amazing impression.

ED
No it’s not.

SHAUN
Yes it is. Come on, do it.

ED
No.

SHAUN
But it’s brilliant.

ED
You’ve built it up too much, now.

SHAUN
Go on, it’s funny.

DIANNE
Yes c’mon Ed let’s see it.

SHAUN
Yeah, come on.

ED
I’m not a performing monkey.

BARBARA leans forward and reads ED’s t-shirt.
97.

BARBARA
“I got wood”.

No-one speaks. A STREET LIGHT flicks on outside. SHAUN looks
out.

SHAUN
The power’s on.

DAVID
It’s not, I’ve already tried it.

SHAUN
But the grid isn’t out. It’s the
fuses. I’ll just switch ‘em back
on.

LIZ
What about the lights?

DAVID
Yes, we don’t really want to
advertise our whereabouts more than
we already have. We may as well put
a sign outside saying ‘All You Can
Eat’.

DIANNE
I think there is one.

ED
Yeah, they do a buffet on Sundays.

SHAUN
The lights operate on a separate
circuit, I’ll just flip the mains
breakers so we can get the telly
on. It’s quite simple David.

SHAUN flashes LIZ a confident smile and heads off.

INT. BACK CORRIDOR –CONTINUOUS

SHAUN walks into the dim back corridor, past the door marked
‘PRIVATE’. We linger on the DOOR HANDLE for a moment...

SHAUN finds the fuse box by the back door, the window of
which looks out into BLACKNESS. He flips the switches.

LIZ (O.S.)
That’s it!
98.

Curious, SHAUN peers out into the dark. He finds the relevant
switch and flips on the garden light.

ZOMBIES...LOTS OF THEM. SHAUN snaps off the light and yanks
down the door blind in a moment of panicked denial. He rushes
back to the bar, past the door marked ‘PRIVATE’.

Unseen by SHAUN, the DOOR HANDLE now TWITCHES...

Genres: ["Horror","Comedy"]

Summary Shaun's attempts to lighten the tense atmosphere fail. Ed refuses to perform, and Barbara remains withdrawn, leaving Shaun frustrated. As he switches on the lights, Shaun notices a horde of zombies outside, plunging the group back into darkness.

Strengths

Effective blend of horror and comedy genres
Tense and suspenseful atmosphere
Witty and darkly humorous dialogue

Weaknesses

Some characters could have more development
Some plot points may feel predictable

Critique

The scene lacks tension and urgency considering the dire situation the characters are in. The dialogue and actions feel too casual and light-hearted given the presence of a horde of zombies outside.
The attempt to lighten the mood with jokes and suggestions for activities like playing pool or doing impressions feels out of place and undermines the gravity of the situation.
The interaction between the characters, especially Shaun and Ed, does not reflect the imminent danger they are facing. The lack of a sense of urgency and fear detracts from the realism of the scene.
The transition from discovering the zombies outside to the casual banter inside the pub is jarring and disrupts the flow of the narrative.
The scene could benefit from more suspenseful elements, heightened stakes, and a sense of impending danger to create a more engaging and impactful moment.

Suggestions

Consider adding more tension and urgency to the scene by emphasizing the threat of the zombies outside and the characters' precarious situation.
Focus on the characters' reactions to the zombies outside, their fear, and the need for a plan of action to heighten the stakes.
Avoid light-hearted moments and jokes that detract from the seriousness of the situation. Keep the tone consistent with the apocalyptic setting.
Explore the characters' emotions and reactions more deeply to create a sense of realism and authenticity in the face of a zombie apocalypse.
Work on the pacing and transition between discovering the zombies outside and the characters' interactions inside the pub to maintain a cohesive and engaging narrative.

Scene 32 - Zombie Attack in the Bar

Overall: 9.0
Concept: 8
Plot: 9
Characters: 8
Dialogue: 8

INT. BAR –CONTINUOUS

SHAUN returns to the bar, slamming the back door behind him.

DIANNE stood on a bar stool, flipping through the channels on
the wall-mounted television. We see the message-

‘STANDBY FOR FURTHER INFORMATION’

-displayed on every single channel. Only the fonts differ,
The BBC, very austere, MTV, very funky etc. Everyone stares
at the TV with growing concern. ED sidles up to LIZ.

ED
Liz, you got a quid?

LIZ
Um...yeah.

LIZ gives ED a pound. He thanks with a smile. She smiles
back. ED goes off. SHAUN returns. She nods to the TV.

LIZ (CONT’D)
There’s never anything on is there?

SHAUN says nothing. He looks ashen faced and guilty.

LIZ (CONT’D)
What?

SHAUN glances to the back door.

SHAUN
We got a bit of a problem.

LIZ
What do you mean?

SHAUN
They followed me.

LIZ
I thought you said you gave them
the slip?
99.

SHAUN
...Yeah.

LIZ
Do they know we’re in here?

SHAUN
I don’t know.

LIZ
Well, we’ll just have to be extra
quiet won’t we?

SHAUN nods again, comforted...as LIZ goes ashen faced.

SHAUN
What?

LIZ turns to see ED pop the quid into the FRUIT MACHINE.

LIZ
Ed, No!

SHAUN
Ed, no!

Too late. ED hits a button...and hits the JACKPOT. There is a
cacophony of BELLS, BUZZERS and SPOOKY NOISES.

LIZ
Turn it off!

SHAUN
Turn it off!

SHAUN dives to the floor and flips the switch. SILENCE.

Then from outside-

TAP...TAP...TAP...Everyone looks to each other gravely. TAPS
become THUMPS. GROANS become audible. Noise builds.

THUMP! THUMP! THUMP! The GANG draw together and listen. LIZ
puts a hand on SHAUN’s shoulder...ED puts a hand on BARBARA’s
shoulder...DAVID puts a hand on DI’s shoulder...JOHN THE
LANDLORD puts a hand on DAVID’s shoulder!

DAVID
Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit!

Everyone scatters as ZOMBIE JOHN LURCHES TOWARD THEM.

LIZ
Where the hell did he come from?
100.

SHAUN
I don’t know but-

FREDDY MERCURY (O.S.)
‘Tonight, I’m gonna have myself a
real good time, I feel ali-i-i-ive’

“Don’t Stop Me Now” by QUEEN starts up on the JUKEBOX.

SHAUN
Who the hell put this on?

ED
It’s on random!

LIZ
Oh for fuck’s sake.

The THUMPING builds. JOHN advances. SHAUN acts.

SHAUN
Right, Dianne, stay with Mum!

DIANNE runs to move BARBARA out of the way.

SHAUN (CONT’D)
David, kill the Queen!

DAVID
What?

SHAUN
The jukebox!

DAVID looks madly around the base of the JUKEBOX.

SHAUN (CONT’D)
Liz, Ed, grab something weapony.

SHAUN looks around for blunt objects. ED points to the bar.

ED
What about the rifle?

SHAUN
It’s not real!

ED
How about some cocktails?

LIZ
What do you mean?
101.

ED
The flaming spirits. Drambuie,
Sambuca, Brandy. Get a rag in.
Light it. Woof!

SHAUN
I dunno, the whole place could go
up.

ED
What then?

ZOMBIE JOHN IS UPON THEM. SHAUN knocks into the pool table.

SHAUN
How about pool?

Agreed. SHAUN vaults over the table, grabs THREE CUES and
throws one to LIZ and ED. They tense up, ready for action.

SHAUN (CONT’D)
Okay John. Time at the bar.

FREDDY MERCURY (O.S.)
‘Having a good time, having a good
time’.

As ‘QUEEN’ kick off, the trio launch into action, whacking
ZOMBIE JOHN with their cues (This is choreographed in such a
way that the action corresponds with the song’s lyrics).

DAVID, meanwhile, is having no luck with the jukebox.

DAVID
I can’t find the switch!

SHAUN
Get the fuses!

DAVID runs off to the-

Genres: ["Horror","Comedy"]

Summary Shaun warns Liz about being followed, as Ed wins the jackpot on a fruit machine, attracting a zombie. The group prepares to fight the zombie using pool cues and flaming spirits.

Strengths

Tension-building
Humor
Action sequences

Weaknesses

Some cliched moments
Lack of character depth for some minor characters

Critique

The scene starts with a sense of urgency and tension as Shaun returns to the bar and reveals that the zombies have followed him, creating a dangerous situation for the group.
There is a lack of clear communication and coordination among the characters, leading to chaos and confusion when Ed hits the jackpot on the fruit machine, attracting the attention of the zombies.
The use of sound effects like bells, buzzers, and spooky noises adds to the chaotic atmosphere of the scene, but the transition to the Queen song on the jukebox feels abrupt and slightly out of place.
The choreographed action sequence with the pool cues is a creative touch, but the execution could be smoother to enhance the impact of the characters fighting off Zombie John.
The dialogue and interactions between the characters could be more focused and purposeful to convey the urgency and danger of the situation more effectively.

Suggestions

Clarify the characters' objectives and actions to create a more cohesive and intense scene.
Consider refining the transition between the chaotic sound effects and the Queen song to maintain the tension and atmosphere.
Work on the choreography of the action sequence with the pool cues to make it more dynamic and impactful.
Streamline the dialogue to enhance the sense of urgency and danger, ensuring that each line contributes to the overall tension of the scene.

Scene 33 - Chaos at the Pub

Overall: 8.0
Concept: 8
Plot: 7
Characters: 8
Dialogue: 7

INT. BACK CORRIDOR –CONTINUOUS

DAVID sees the fuse box. Panicked, he hits everything.

EXT. PUB –CONTINUOUS

The pub lights FLASH, illuminating A SEA OF ZOMBIES.
102.

INT. BAR –CONTINUOUS

SHAUN, LIZ and ED subject ZOMBIE JOHN to a volley of blows.
He catches ED’S CUE and BREAKS IT IN HALF.

INT. CORRIDOR –CONTINUOUS

DAVID desperately flicks more switches. The back yard light
comes on, throwing ZOMBIE SHADOWS onto the blind. DAVID
freaks out and backs away, moving past the door marked
‘PRIVATE’ which is now slowly opening to reveal ZOMBIE
BERNIE. In her slippers. DAVID yelps and retreats into-

INT. BAR –CONTINUOUS

DAVID slams the corridor door and barricades it with chairs.

SHAUN
Why is Queen still on?

DAVID
I couldn’t find the switch!

ZOMBIE JOHN rounds on LIZ, pushing her backwards over a
table. ED gives up his broken cue and runs off.

SHAUN
Ed!

ED (O.S.)
Two seconds!

LIZ (O.S)
Shaun!

LIZ gets back up, brandishing A FIRE EXTINGUISHER. She lets
it off in ZOMBIE JOHN’s face. When the gas clears, ZOMBIE
JOHN’s face is iced with frost...but he keeps coming.

DIANNE (O.S.)
Shaun!

SHAUN turns. DIANNE plucks THREE DARTS from the dartboard.
She flings the first...IT WEDGES INTO A BAR POST.

The second dart...HITS JOHN IN THE CHEST.

SHAUN
Yes!

The third...HITS SHAUN! He yelps in agony.
103.

SHAUN (CONT’D)
No!

ED (O.S.)
Shauny!

SHAUN looks up. A DART PROTRUDING PAINFULLY FROM HIS HEAD!

ED is behind the bar, the RIFLE in his hands. He throws it
through the air. Despite the pain, SHAUN catches it. He looks
at the rifle in frustration, then with one ALMIGHTY BLOW OF
THE BUTT, sends JOHN’s head backwards into the JUKEBOX.

SPARKS fly. QUEEN stops. JOHN drops...

ED (CONT’D)
Why didn’t you shoot him man?

SHAUN rounds on ED with the rifle.

SHAUN
Because it’s-

BANG. The RIFLE goes off. SHAUN is THROWN BACKWARDS. OPTICS
SHATTER behind ED. His jaw drops...with joy.

ED
I fucking knew it! What did I say?
Big Al was right!

SHAUN gets up, looks at the SMOKING RIFLE, then at ED.

SHAUN
Okay...
(plucks dart from skull)
...but dogs can look up.

Genres: ["Horror","Comedy"]

Summary David's frantic search for the fuse box reveals a horde of zombies outside. Inside, Shaun, Liz, and Ed struggle to subdue Zombie John. As David accidentally illuminates the backyard, startling zombie shadows, he encounters Zombie Bernie and retreats. Shaun demands to know why Queen is still playing, and David admits he couldn't find the switch. Zombie John overpowers Liz, forcing Ed to flee. Shaun uses darts thrown by Dianne to kill John. Ed retrieves the rifle and gives it to Shaun, who accidentally shoots himself. Ed's excitement over the rifle's effectiveness turns into horror as he realizes his mistake, and Shaun confronts him.

Strengths

Intense action sequences
Dark humor
Suspenseful atmosphere

Weaknesses

Some unrealistic elements
Lack of character development in this specific scene

Critique

The scene lacks clear transitions between the different locations, making it slightly confusing for the audience to follow the action.
There is a lot of chaotic action happening simultaneously, which can be overwhelming for the viewers and may dilute the impact of individual moments.
The dialogue feels a bit rushed and lacks depth, especially in moments of tension and conflict.
The visual descriptions could be more vivid and detailed to enhance the atmosphere and help the audience visualize the scene better.
The character dynamics and motivations could be further explored to add depth and complexity to the interactions.

Suggestions

Consider adding clearer scene transitions to improve the flow of the action and make it easier for the audience to follow.
Try to focus on one key moment of conflict or tension at a time to allow for a more impactful and engaging scene.
Work on refining the dialogue to make it more nuanced and reflective of the characters' emotions and motivations.
Enhance the visual descriptions to create a more immersive and vivid setting for the audience.
Delve deeper into the characters' relationships and internal struggles to add layers to the scene and make it more compelling.

Scene 34 - Defending The Winchester

Overall: 8.0
Concept: 8
Plot: 7
Characters: 8
Dialogue: 7

INT. THE WINCHESTER –MOMENTS LATER

DRAWS and CUPBOARDS are opened...SHELVES cleared...A BOX OF
SHELLS is discovered...

SHAUN has his work tie wrapped round his head. The rifle lies
on the bar. The THUMPING from outside is louder than ever.

SHAUN
Anyone fired a gun before?

ED
Oh yes.

SHAUN
Apart from Ed.
104.

DAVID
I’m a pacifist.

SHAUN
Apart from David and Ed.

DIANNE
(putting her hand up)
I have.

SHAUN
Good. Where?

DIANNE
In a production of ‘Lear’. All the
military were played by women...it
was a starter pistol.

SHAUN
It’s not really a serious
qualification.

DIANNE
We took it to the Edinburgh
Festival.

LIZ
Sorry, what’s Ed’s experience?

SHAUN
He shot his sister in the leg with
an air rifle.

LIZ
Why?

ED
She asked me to.

LIZ
(to Shaun)
I think you should do it.

SHAUN
I think we should all do it.

DAVID
How can five people operate one
gun?

SHAUN
Look, none of us have any real
experience, okay, and we’ve only
got-
105.

ED glances into the BOX OF SHELLS and shakes them.

ED
Twenty nine.

SHAUN
-twenty nine bullets-

ED
Call them shells.

SHAUN
-twenty nine shells, so we should
work together on this. I need
someone to help me reload and
everyone else to keep look out.
I’ll fire. As Bertrand Russell once
said, “the only thing that will
redeem mankind is cooperation”. I
think we can all appreciate the
relevance of that now.

LIZ
Did you get that off the back of a
beer mat?

SHAUN
Guinness, Extra Cold.

LIZ
I won’t say anything.

CRASH! The barricade of tables by the broken window SHUDDERS.

DIANNE
They definitely want to come in.

SHAUN
Liz, can you get Mum out of the
way? Ed, get me some shells. David,
Di, over here.

DIANNE
(running past the gun
barrel)
Crossing.

LIZ goes over to BARBARA, who still clutches the flowers and
leads her off. BARBARA focuses on LIZ and smiles.

LIZ
Barbara?
106.

BARBARA
Hello.

LIZ
Do you want to come with me?

BARBARA
Oh yes, that would be lovely. It’s
nice to meet you finally. Shaun’s
always talking about you.

LIZ
Really?

BARBARA
I’ve got something for you.

LIZ
Barbara, I really ought to-

BARBARA produces an ornate ring on a chain around her neck.

BARBARA
Shaun’s father gave me this.
Shaun’s real father that is. Philip
never minded. I’ve kept it for
twenty years.

LIZ smiles, unsure how to react.

BARBARA (CONT’D)
I want you to have it.

LIZ
Barbara, me and Shaun have-

BARBARA
It’s only right.

BARBARA pushes the ring into LIZ’s hand and winces. LIZ looks
down, a tissue protruding from BARBARA’s sleeve suddenly
blushes dark red. LIZ pushes the sleeve up. Beneath the wad
of blood soaked tissues, is a LARGE BITE.

BARBARA (CONT’D)
I didn’t want to say anything. I
thought Shaun would be worried.

SHAUN looks over to BARBARA and LIZ. Something is wrong.

SHAUN
Liz?
107.

DAVID
Here they come!

CRASH. The barricade of chairs and tables topples. Hands push
at the curtains. SHAUN has no choice, but to fight.

SHAUN
Get behind me, get behind me.

DIANNE
There’s one!

DI points. A DEAD FACE peers into the bar. SHAUN takes aim.

SHAUN
Sorry, we’re closed!

CLICK. Nothing. Everyone looks at the rifle. SHAUN shakes it.

DIANNE
That happened to me on stage.

DAVID
Is it the safety button?

ED
(frustrated)
Cock it!

SHAUN looks from ED to the rifle. He cocks it and fires BANG!
BANG! BANG! The ZOMBIE falls back pulling the curtains with
it.

CRASH. The window in the right hand door goes. ZOMBIES CLAW
TO GET IN. Dianne sees them first.

DIANNE
Over there!

SHAUN
Over where?

BANG!

ED
Three o’clock!

The team SPIN AROUND as a unit. SHAUN fires, though his aim
is erratic. Another ZOMBIE clambers in at the first breach.

BANG! BANG!
108.

DIANNE
Ooh, over there...uh...quarter to
twelve!

SHAUN
What?

BANG!

DAVID
11:45!

SHAUN
Keep it simple!

BANG! SHAUN manages to take out the door ZOMBIES.

ED
Top left.

They all swing to the left. SHAUN pulls the trigger. CLICK.

ED (CONT’D)
Reload.

ED feeds SHAUN two shells.

SHAUN
I’m on it!

SHAUN cocks and fires, HITTING A ZOMBIE IN THE HEAD. BANG!

ED
Ooh nice shot.

SHAUN
Thanks. Let’s block up the window.

DAVID and DI run to fix the fallen barricade.

SHAUN (CONT’D)
Take over a minute.

SHAUN hands the rifle to ED and runs to BARBARA and LIZ.

SHAUN (CONT’D)
What’s up? Are you alright?

LIZ
Shaun, I’m so sorry.

Genres: ["Horror","Comedy","Action"]

Summary The group at The Winchester bar prepares for a zombie attack. Shaun initially struggles with a rifle but takes out several zombies. Liz learns Barbara has been bitten.

Strengths

Effective use of tension and humor
Compelling action sequences
Revealing character dynamics

Weaknesses

Some dialogue may feel forced or cliched
Character reactions could be more nuanced

Critique

The scene lacks a sense of urgency and tension considering the dire situation the characters are in. The dialogue feels too light-hearted and comedic, which diminishes the gravity of the moment.
The transition from the characters discussing their lack of experience with firearms to suddenly being under attack by zombies feels abrupt and disjointed.
The humor injected into the scene with lines like 'Sorry, we're closed!' and 'Keep it simple!' detracts from the seriousness of the situation and the imminent danger the characters are facing.
The character interactions and reactions to the unfolding events seem unrealistic and not in line with the high-stakes scenario they are in. More realistic and intense reactions would enhance the scene's impact.
The scene lacks a clear sense of direction and purpose, with the characters' actions and decisions feeling random and disconnected from the overall narrative.

Suggestions

Increase the tension and urgency in the scene by focusing on the imminent threat of the zombies breaking in and the characters' desperate struggle to defend themselves.
Revisit the dialogue to make it more realistic and reflective of the life-threatening situation the characters are in. Remove unnecessary humor and focus on building suspense.
Ensure a smooth transition between the setup of the characters' lack of experience with firearms and the sudden attack by zombies to create a more cohesive and engaging sequence.
Work on the character dynamics to make their reactions and interactions more authentic and in line with the high-stress environment they are in. This will help to heighten the emotional impact of the scene.
Clarify the characters' goals and motivations in the scene to give it a stronger sense of purpose and direction. Each action should contribute to the overall narrative and character development.

Scene 35 - Family Tensions

Overall: 8.0
Concept: 8
Plot: 7
Characters: 9
Dialogue: 9

LIZ says nothing, she looks at BARBARA.
109.

SHAUN
Mum, what is it?

BARBARA
I didn’t want to be a bother.

SHAUN sees the blood.

SHAUN
Oh God, Mum, I don’t understand-

BARBARA
The man in his pyjamas...I didn’t
want to say anything. I thought
you’d be upset.

SHAUN
No...

ED sees SHAUN hug BARBARA. He hands the rifle to DIANNE.

ED
Take over a sec.

ED runs to the back of the room. DAVID peers after him.

DAVID
What the hell’s going on?
(shouting to the others)
WHAT THE HELL’S GOING ON?

LIZ
Barbara’s hurt.

DIANNE
I know first aid!

DAVID
I know first aid!

DIANNE
Take over a mo.

DIANNE hands the rifle to DAVID and rushes over. She arrives
to see BARBARA lying feverish in SHAUN’s arms. ED stands
around, unsure what to do. LIZ comforts SHAUN. DAVID sees her
hand on his shoulder and looks down to his rifle.

BARBARA
Shaun...

SHAUN
Hold on Mum. You’re going to be
fine.
110.

BARBARA
Shaun, I forgot to thank you.

SHAUN
For what?

BARBARA shows SHAUN the flowers. He is baffled for a moment.

BARBARA
It’s been a funny sort of day...

BARBARA starts to convulse.

SHAUN
Oh Jesus Mum. No, no, no...

BARBARA’s breathing slows. SHAUN buries his face in her hair-
CLICK-CLICK.

All turn to see DAVID POINTING THE RIFLE AT BARBARA.

SHAUN (CONT’D)
What are you doing?

DAVID
We have to deal with her.

DIANNE
Daffs!

LIZ
For Christ’s sake.

DAVID
She’s going to come back.

SHAUN
She’s not gone anywhere.

DAVID
She’s gonna change.

SHAUN
She’s my Mum.

DAVID
She’s a zombie.

SHAUN positions himself between BARBARA and the rifle.

SHAUN
Don’t say that!
111.

LIZ
David, stop it.

DAVID
Move away. I’m going to count to-

SHAUN leaps up, GRABS A BOTTLE FROM THE TABLE AND SMASHES IT.
He holds the broken bottle to DAVID’s throat.

SHAUN
DON’T POINT THAT GUN AT MY MUM!

LIZ
Shaun, come on now.

ED pulls a DART from the bar and aims it at DAVID’s neck.

ED
DON’T POINT THAT GUN AT BARBARA!

LIZ
Ed, don’t exacerbate things.

ED
What does that mean?

DIANNE
Well, this isn’t exactly fair.

ED
Here.

ED flips a POOL CUE from the floor and hands it to DIANNE.
She raises the CUE above ED’s head.

DIANNE
Um, thank you.

ED smashes ANOTHER BOTTLE and holds it to DIANNE’s throat.

ED
S’okay.

LIZ steps in, hands raised, affecting calm.

LIZ
Can we just stop and think about
this?

SHAUN
Tell him to put the gun down.
112.

DAVID
Tell him to take the bottle away
from my throat.

ED
Oh grow up!

DAVID
She’s going to change Lizzy. She’ll
change and kill us all. You know
I’m right. Your ex can’t seem to
grasp that.

SHAUN
That’s what this is, isn’t it? It’s
me.
(to Liz)
He just doesn’t like me. He never
has. He’s always hated me and now
he wants to shoot my Mum.

DAVID
She’s not-

SHAUN
You’ve always looked down your nose
at me. You never thought I deserved
her. That I was good enough.

DAVID
What are you talking about?

SHAUN
Oh, we all know you’re in love with
Liz.

DAVID
That is not true.

SHAUN
Oh yes it is!

DAVID
(to Dianne)
It’s not true!

DIANNE
Yes it is.

DAVID
What?!
113.

DIANNE
I know you only hung out with me at
college to get close to Liz and
when she knocked you back, I was
there to pick up the pieces. I’ve
come to terms with that Daffs. Why
can’t you?

DAVID flushes red and stammers to LIZ.

DAVID
Liz, I want you to know that my
feelings for you are essentially-

LIZ
(incredulous)
David, please! There are slightly
more pressing matters at hand here.

SHAUN
Yeah, like the fact that ‘Daffs’
here is pointing a gun at my
mother.

DAVID
I’m not the one being unreasonable
‘Pickle’.

SHAUN
For Christ’s sake, she’s not dead.

DAVID
You said it yourself about your
stepdad.

SHAUN
Dad!

DAVID
She’s finished. Stop being such a
hypocrite!

SHAUN
You’re the one who’s gone from
Chartered Accountant to Charlton
Heston!

DAVID
I’m not a Chartered Accountant!

SHAUN
You look like one!
114.

ED
Yeah.

DAVID
I’m a lecturer!

SHAUN
You’re a twat!

ED
Yeah.

Genres: ["Horror","Comedy","Drama"]

Summary Shaun's mother, Barbara, is found to be infected with the zombie virus. This leads to conflict between Shaun and David, who wants to kill Barbara to prevent her from turning into a zombie. Dianne reveals that David has always had feelings for Liz, which heightens the tension. Ed intervenes and diffuses the situation before it escalates.

Strengths

Sharp dialogue
Emotional depth
Tension building
Character dynamics

Weaknesses

Potential for confusion in the escalating conflict
Some repetitive dialogue

Critique

The scene lacks clarity in terms of the characters' motivations and actions, leading to a confusing and chaotic sequence of events.
The tension and conflict in the scene are not effectively built up or resolved, resulting in a disjointed and unsatisfying narrative.
The dialogue feels forced and unnatural at times, with characters making sudden accusations and revelations without proper development or context.
The emotional stakes of the scene, particularly regarding Barbara's transformation into a zombie, are not fully explored or conveyed to the audience.
The escalation of conflict between the characters feels contrived and melodramatic, detracting from the overall impact of the scene.

Suggestions

Clarify the characters' motivations and intentions to ensure their actions are consistent and believable.
Focus on building tension and suspense gradually throughout the scene to create a more engaging and impactful narrative.
Refine the dialogue to make it more natural and reflective of the characters' personalities and relationships.
Explore the emotional depth of Barbara's situation and the impact it has on the other characters to add depth and complexity to the scene.
Streamline the conflict and resolution in the scene to ensure a clear and satisfying progression of events.

Scene 36 - Tragedy and Terror at the Shelter

Overall: 9.0
Concept: 9
Plot: 8
Characters: 9
Dialogue: 8

DAVID
She’s not your Mum anymore! Any
second now she’ll be just another
zombie.

SHAUN
DON’T SAY THAT!

ED
We’re not using the ‘Z’ word.

LIZ
PLEASE! CAN WE CALM-THE-FUCK-DOWN!

The shouting excites the ZOMBIES clamouring to get in.

LIZ (CONT’D)
Now, I can see what David is trying
to say...

DAVID
Thank you Lizzy.

LIZ
...even if he is being a twat.

DIANNE
Yup.

DAVID fizzes with indignation.

LIZ
And Shaun...Shaun look at me...I
can’t begin to imagine how hard
this must be for you, but we can’t
afford to fall apart. Shaun...babe,
I know you don’t want to hear this
but...

BARBARA (O.S.)
Uhhhhhh...
115.

BARBARA is standing upright, behind DAVID. Everyone stops at
the sound of her mournful whine. Her eyes are a milky white,
skin a lifeless grey, face twisted, almost pleading. SHAUN
takes the rifle from DAVID and points it at her. His hands
shake, his eyes fill with tears. His finger tenses.

DAVID
You do it! Do it!

BARBARA looks at DAVID, her expression twists into a scowl.
ZOMBIE BARBARA hisses and LUNGES FORWARD.

SHAUN
I’m sorry Mum.

BANG.

DAVID is flecked with blood. ZOMBIE BARBARA drops.

TOTAL SHOCK. SHAUN lets the rifle fall to the floor. Everyone
is speechless. DAVID takes off his glasses to clean them.

DAVID
Well, I think we’re all agreed that
you did the right thing there.

DAVID replaces his glasses. CRACK! SHAUN punches him hard in
the face, sending him sprawling. DAVID rolls over, he now has
the rifle in his hands, HE POINTS IT AT SHAUN.

LIZ
No!

DIANNE
(disgusted)
David!

CLICK...the rifle is empty. DAVID looks desperate and
ashamed. Everyone else is appalled. SHAUN hasn’t flinched.

DAVID
Right, I’m leaving.

LIZ
What?

DAVID
Not staying here.

DAVID walks to the BOLTED FRONT DOOR and starts to move the
tables and chairs away. The NOISE outside RISES.
116.

LIZ
If you open that door, we won’t
stand a chance.

DAVID
What, and you will in here?

DAVID begins UNLOCKING THE DEADBOLTS to the front door.

LIZ
David don’t. It’s suicide!

ED
I think you should go man.

DAVID
We will. We can run.
(picks up a broken pool
cue)
We can defend ourselves.

DIANNE
What do you mean ‘we’?

DAVID
What do you mean, ‘what do you mean
we’?

DIANNE
You don’t honestly think I’m going
to go out there do you? Opening
that door now would be a very, very
silly thing to do.

DAVID
So, you’re staying here? With him?

DIANNE
Shaun didn’t-

DAVID
After all he’s got us into!

DIANNE
(holding up her finger)
Ah-ah. Shaun didn’t ask you-

DAVID
Dianne, how-

DIANNE
(explodes)
LET ME FINISH!
(David shrinks back)
(MORE)
117.

DIANNE (CONT'D)
Shaun didn’t ask you to come here.
You came for the same reason I did.
You didn’t know what else to do.
Now, get away from that door this
instant.

DAVID
But-

DIANNE
DAVID!

DAVID crumples, the pool cue dropping from his hand. He steps
away from the door and slumps against the window in tears.

DAVID
I’m sorry Dianne. I’m sorry Lizzy.

DIANNE
Maybe we’re not the ones you should
be apologising to.

DAVID turns to SHAUN, his face quivering with guilt.

DAVID
I’m sorry Shaun.

SHAUN nods. Silently accepting the apology.

DIANNE
Well done Daffs. That took guts-

SMASH! DEAD HANDS BREAK THROUGH THE WINDOW! DAVID is pulled
back as ZOMBIES BITE DOWN ON HIS BODY. He screams in pain.

SHAUN, LIZ and DI try desperately to pull DAVID back, as he
is dragged outside and TORN TO PIECES.

They attempt to keep hold, but fall backwards, to find
themselves clutching David’s SEVERED LOWER LEG. The screaming
remainder of DAVID is being sucked into the hungry crowd.

DIANNE (CONT’D)
DAVID! NO!

Still holding David’s leg, DIANNE gets up and runs straight
to the front door; UNLOCKING THE FINAL DEADBOLT!

SHAUN
Di, don’t!

LIZ
Di, don’t!
118.

Too late. DIANNE opens the door and runs out to save David,
thrashing at the ZOMBIES with her boyfriend’s leg.

DIANNE (CONT’D)
I’m coming Daffs!

DIANNE is swallowed by the crowd, ZOMBIES quickly take her
place. Lots of them. All shapes and sizes, all walks of life.
All ravenous. THE FLOODGATES ARE OPEN.

SHAUN
Oh dear.

ED
Cocktails?

LIZ
Do it!

ED runs off. SHAUN grabs the RIFLE. LIZ grabs the shells. He
reloads and open fire at the encroaching tide of ZOMBIES. LIZ
feeds him ammo as they slowly back up to the bar.

ED (O.S.)
Heads!

A FLAMING COCKTAIL sails over LIZ and SHAUN’s head and
explodes over the door. It ignites the surrounding curtains
and carpet. ZOMBIES fall back momentarily.

Genres: ["Horror","Action","Drama"]

Summary Amidst the chaos of a zombie apocalypse, the group faces a heart-wrenching dilemma as Shaun's infected mother, Barbara, becomes a threat. After a heated argument, Shaun takes the difficult decision to kill her, infuriating David. As David attempts to leave, zombies break through the window, dragging him to a gruesome end. Dianne's desperate attempt to save him opens the door to a horde of zombies, forcing Shaun and Liz to fight for their lives with a rifle and flaming cocktails. Despite their efforts, the group is overwhelmed as zombies breach the door.

Strengths

Intense action
Emotional depth
Character development
Tension-building

Weaknesses

Violent imagery may be disturbing to some audiences

Critique

The scene effectively builds tension and conflict among the characters, especially with the decision to kill Barbara, Shaun's mother, who has turned into a zombie.
The emotional turmoil and moral dilemma faced by Shaun, David, Liz, and Dianne are well portrayed, adding depth to the scene.
The escalation of conflict between David and Shaun, leading to David pointing the rifle at Shaun, creates a high-stakes moment that keeps the audience engaged.
The sudden turn of events with David being attacked and torn apart by zombies adds a shocking and intense element to the scene.
The decision by Dianne to open the door and run out to save David, despite the danger, adds a sense of sacrifice and bravery to her character.
The use of cocktails and a rifle to fight off the zombies adds a sense of urgency and action to the scene, keeping the pace fast-paced and exciting.

Suggestions

Consider adding more internal conflict and emotional turmoil for Shaun as he grapples with the decision to kill his zombified mother. This can add depth to his character and make the scene more impactful.
Explore the dynamics between the characters further, especially the tension between David and Shaun. This can help to enhance the emotional stakes and create a more compelling conflict.
Provide more context or backstory to explain David's sudden change of heart and his decision to sacrifice himself to save Dianne. This can help to make his character arc more believable and satisfying.
Consider adding more visual descriptions to enhance the intensity of the action sequences, such as the fight against the zombies and the use of cocktails and a rifle. This can help to create a more vivid and immersive experience for the audience.
Focus on the aftermath of David's death and Dianne's sacrifice to further explore the emotional impact on the remaining characters, especially Shaun, Liz, and Ed. This can add depth to the scene and provide closure to the character arcs.

Scene 37 - Desperate Defense

Overall: 9.0
Concept: 9
Plot: 9
Characters: 8
Dialogue: 8

SHAUN
Keep ‘em coming.

The front barricade FALLS, ZOMBIES dropping clumsily into the
room. Another COCKTAIL EXPLODES, holding them back.

The BACK DOOR shifts. The barricade of tables and chairs
fall. DEAD HANDS reach into the bar, grabbing ED’s neck.

ED
Gun please?

SHAUN spins and throws the rifle to ED, who catches it and
blasts over his shoulder. The HANDS fall back, releasing him.

Behind, a PIZZA DELIVERY ZOMBIE walks through the fire.

LIZ
Ed! Over here!

ED chucks the rifle to LIZ. She is unsure what to do; the
PIZZA ZOMBIE’s head is protected by a helmet. Deftly, she
smashes the visor with the gun butt and fires into the hole.
119.

ED
Smooth!

SHAUN notices BARBARA’s body. He grabs his jacket and lays it
over her face, placing the flowers on top.

BANG! The BACK DOOR gives. ED turns to see ZOMBIES pour in.

ED (CONT’D)
Shaun! Look who it is!

SHAUN
Fuck a doodle doo.

Leading the pack is the naked ZOMBIE PETE. ED tries to ignite
a COCKTAIL but his lighter won’t work.

ED
Bitch!

SHAUN sees that ED is in trouble and calls for the rifle.

SHAUN
To me!

LIZ chucks him the rifle. ZOMBIE PETE lunges at ED, hissing.

ZOMBIE PETE
Uhhhhh...

ED
Don’t groan at me, you thick fuck.

ED gets PETE in a headlock. But he is distracted by a
HALLOWEEN RINGTONE trilling out from somewhere in the bar. ED
looks up to see a COMMUTER ZOMBIE holding his phone.

ED (CONT’D)
Hey that’s mine, you cheeky-

ED screams as PETE BITES DOWN INTO HIS ARM. ED throws his
head back in pain, making his neck available to the nearby
ZOMBIE BERNIE, who takes a MASSIVE CHUNK out of it.

SHAUN
Noooooooooooo!

SHAUN takes aim at ED’s attackers but can’t get a clear shot.

SHAUN (CONT’D)
Pete!!!

Amazingly, PETE hears this and turns around to face SHAUN.
PETE’s dead eyes lock with SHAUN’s.
120.

SHAUN (CONT’D)
I said leave him alone!

SHAUN blows PETE’s head clean off. He swings back to ED but
can no longer see him. There are too many ZOMBIES between.

SHAUN (CONT’D)
Ed!

The front of the pub is now wide open. LIZ fends off the
increasing numbers with a HAT STAND. They’re everywhere.

LIZ
Shaun. Bar!

SHAUN
But-

LIZ bundles SHAUN behind the bar. They crouch down, kicking
the back door shut and holding it with their feet.

SHAUN (CONT’D)
Ed!

No answer.

SHAUN (CONT’D)
Ed!

SHAUN peers back. He sees nothing but ZOMBIES.

SHAUN (CONT’D)
ED!

A HUGE SHAPE tumbles over the bar next to SHAUN and LIZ.

ED
What?

ED is alive but badly bitten, his neck GUSHING BLOOD.

SHAUN
I thought you were-

ED
Yeah, yeah. Chuck us a cloth will
you?

SHAUN does so. ED presses the beer cloth to his neck. ZOMBIES
now fill the bar, having breached the first fire barricade.

ED (CONT’D)
Get the brandy!
121.

SHAUN grabs a bottle of brandy and offers it to ED.

ED (CONT’D)
Not for me you tit. Smash it on the
bar.

SHAUN jumps up and smashes the bottle. He grabs his lighter
and ignites the spirit. Flames rip along the bar, a new fire
wall erupts. SHAUN rejoins ED and LIZ, triumphant.

LIZ
Where are the bullets?

ED
Call them shells.

LIZ
Where are the shells?

SHAUN jumps up again to retrieve the shells from the bar. He
burns his fingers and crouches down again sucking his thumb.

SHAUN
Oh, fuck it! Owww! Fuck it!

ZOMBIES now reach through the flames, pushing at the pumps.
Alcohol rains down. ED takes a few gulps.

SHAUN (CONT’D)
So, what are we going to do then?
Where are we going to go?

SHAUN and LIZ look round at a loss. Then-

BANG. A FOOTBALL hits the back of the bar, smashing a mirror.
It falls down and settles on the TRAPDOOR to the cellar.

ED
The cellar?

LIZ
Maybe we can get out.

ED
Yeah, there’s the barrel hatch.
That leads out into the street.

SHAUN
You mean go back outside?

LIZ
Which would you prefer, mortal
peril or certain death?
122.

SHAUN
Um...first one.

They head for the TRAPDOOR. But- The ZOMBIE IRISH SPINSTER
drops over and gets to her feet.

SHAUN (CONT’D)
Oh give us a fucking break!

On the fiery bar, the BOX OF SHELLS suddenly explodes. Stray
bullets fire off everywhere. One ricochets off the pub bell
and hits the ZOMBIE IRISH SPINSTER in the head. She falls,
disappointed. SHAUN, LIZ and ED make for the hatch.

Genres: ["Horror","Comedy","Action"]

Summary Amidst the chaos of a zombie invasion, Shaun, Ed, and Liz battle hordes of undead with cocktails and a rifle. As the front barricade collapses, they fend off the attackers, Ed sustains a bite but is rescued by Shaun. Together, they devise a plan to escape through the cellar.

Strengths

Intense action sequences
Dynamic character interactions
Emotional depth and impact

Weaknesses

Some cliched zombie tropes
Occasional pacing issues

Critique

The scene is action-packed and intense, with a good balance of suspense and chaos.
The use of weapons like cocktails and a rifle adds to the tension and urgency of the situation.
The emotional impact of Shaun having to kill his zombified mother, Barbara, is a powerful moment that adds depth to the scene.
The dynamic between the characters, especially Shaun, Liz, and Ed, is well portrayed in the face of danger and uncertainty.
The scene effectively conveys the sense of desperation and survival instincts of the characters as they face overwhelming odds.
The visual descriptions of the zombies breaking in and the fiery chaos add to the atmosphere of the scene.

Suggestions

Consider adding more internal thoughts or emotions for the characters to deepen their reactions to the intense situation.
Provide more context or backstory on the characters' relationships and dynamics to enhance the emotional impact of their actions.
Explore the aftermath of the scene in terms of how it affects the characters psychologically and physically.
Consider adding more dialogue that reveals the characters' fears, hopes, and vulnerabilities in the face of the zombie threat.
Ensure the action sequences are clear and easy to follow for the reader to fully immerse themselves in the scene.

Scene 38 - Trapped in the Cellar

Overall: 9.0
Concept: 9
Plot: 8
Characters: 9
Dialogue: 8

INT. CELLAR –CONTINUOUS

They pull ED down into a dark cellar, filled with boxes and
laundry. SHAUN grabs some piping from the floor and shoves it
through the handle of the trapdoor, wedging it shut.

ED slumps against the wall, the beer cloth already sodden
with blood. LIZ grabs some linen from the washing line and
uses it to bandage ED’s wounds.

In the far corner of the cellar, a shaft of orange street
light illuminates the outline of the BARREL HATCH.

SHAUN
I can see the street!

He puts the rifle down and jumps up, hanging from the
handles. The BARREL HATCH does not budge.

SHAUN (CONT’D)
Come on!

SHAUN pulls frantically before dropping down. He tries again,
desperately trying to force open the hatch.

SHAUN (CONT’D)
COME ON!

LIZ watches with an increasing air of disappointment.

LIZ
Shaun.

SHAUN
WHY WON’T IT OPEN?
123.

SHAUN drops down again and slides down the wall, utterly
defeated. He laughs grimly.

SHAUN (CONT’D)
So that’s that then. We’re trapped.
‘Let’s go to the Winchester’. Who
the fuck came up with that idea?
(puts head in hands)
Oh man, I’ve really ballsed this
up.

LIZ leaves ED and sits with SHAUN on the floor. The noise
from upstairs is muffled, the cellar oddly quiet.

LIZ
No you haven’t.

SHAUN
I have Liz. I’m useless. I couldn’t
save us. I couldn’t save Di and
David. I couldn’t even save my own
mother. I should have been there. I
can’t-

LIZ
You shouldn’t feel so responsible.
You tried. You did something.
That’s what counts. God knows where
we’d be if you hadn’t.

SHAUN
I s’pose.

The CELLAR DOOR SHAKES violently. LIZ and SHAUN look at it.

LIZ
Do you think they’ll get through?

SHAUN
Yes.

LIZ
How many shells have we got left?

SHAUN
Two. I guess we could take out a
few of them. If they stand in a
line.

LIZ
I wasn’t thinking about them.

SHAUN
I know.
124.

SHAUN looks around at the surrounding bottles and barrels.

SHAUN (CONT’D)
Can’t we just drink ourselves to
death?

LIZ
I don’t think we’ve got time.

The CELLAR DOOR SHUDDERS again. SHAUN looks at the rifle.

SHAUN
There’s only two shells. What about
Ed?

ED (O.S.)
I don’t mind being eaten.

SHAUN
How are we gonna do this?

LIZ
I don’t know. I suppose one of us
has to go first.

SHAUN
Maybe one of us has to ‘do’ the
other and then ‘do’ themselves.

LIZ
Maybe you should ‘do’ me first.
I’ll only muck it up if I have to
‘do’ myself.

SHAUN briefly mimes this out, then shakes his head.

SHAUN
I really don’t know if I’ve got it
in me to shoot my mum, my flat-mate
and my girlfriend all in the same
evening.

LIZ
What makes you think I’ve taken you
back?

The CELLAR DOOR buckles. The COPPER PIPE BENDS.

SHAUN
Well, you don’t want to die single
do you?

They laugh and look deeply into each other’s eyes.
125.

ED (O.S.)
Actually, I would like to be shot.

SHAUN
Besides, I’ve changed y’know? I
haven’t had a fag since yesterday.
I promise.

ED
He hasn’t.

LIZ
Maybe we should have one now.

LIZ takes out a crumpled packet of cigarettes. SHAUN looks
shocked. LIZ smiles innocently.

LIZ (CONT’D)
You left them in my room.

SHAUN
They were in the bin!

LIZ
I was desperate.

SHAUN
Sneaky cow.

They each take a cigarette. LIZ shrugs.

LIZ
I’m sorry.

SHAUN
Aah, I won’t say anything.

SHAUN ignites his lighter. The flame illuminates A RED BUTTON
on the wall, above which is a sign reading...

‘WAY OUT’

SHAUN holds the lighter up to reveal an electric door
mechanism. They were sitting on the SERVICE LIFT all along.

He and LIZ exchange a look. They nod. A silent agreement.

CRACK. The CELLAR DOOR splinters. DEAD FINGERS claw through
as the smoke thickens. They are almost inside.

SHAUN runs to ED’s side. He is pale and visibly fading.

SHAUN
Come on. We’re leaving.
126.

ED
I might just stay here.

SHAUN
But we can all get out.

ED
I think you two should make a go of
it.

SHAUN
What are you talking about?

ED
I’ll only hold you back.

SHAUN looks at his friend and realises he’s right. With a
somber nod, he offers ED the RIFLE.

ED (CONT’D)
Don’t you want it?

SHAUN
Nah. You have it. I can’t hit
anything with it anyway.

ED takes the RIFLE from SHAUN.

SHAUN (CONT’D)
I’m sorry Ed.

ED
For what?

SHAUN
I’m sorry I shouted at you earlier.

ED
S’alright. I’m sorry too.

SHAUN
It’s okay.

ED
No, I’m sorry Shaun.

SHAUN puzzles, before his expression turns to disgust. ED
laughs. SHAUN winces, as he covers his nose and mouth.

SHAUN
Oh Jesus. That’s not funny.
127.

ED
I’ll stop doing them when you stop
laughing.

SHAUN
(welling up)
I’m not laughing.

The CELLAR DOOR finally gives. Smoke now pours through.

ED
You better be off.

SHAUN looks at ED. A silent goodbye. He joins LIZ on the
SERVICE LIFT. She has found an old FIRE AXE and a LARGE
CHAIN. SHAUN chooses the axe. LIZ hits the RED BUTTON.

The service hatch opens. SHAUN and LIZ are bathed in orange
streetlight. The lift starts to ascend.

LIZ
Bye Ed. Love you.

ED
Cheers.

SHAUN
I love you too man.

ED
Gay.

ED disappears from view, lost amid the THICK SMOKE and the
ENCROACHING MOANS, as SHAUN and LIZ reach-

Genres: ["Horror","Drama","Action"]

Summary Trapped in a cellar during a zombie apocalypse, Shaun, Liz, and Ed struggle to escape. Despite feeling responsible for the deaths of loved ones, Shaun is determined to escape and is assisted by Liz. As they discover a way out through a service lift, Ed sacrifices himself to cover their escape.

Strengths

Strong character development
Intense atmosphere
Emotional depth

Weaknesses

Limited action
Some dialogue may feel repetitive

Critique

The scene in the cellar effectively conveys the sense of desperation and hopelessness as the characters are trapped and facing imminent danger from the zombies.
The emotional turmoil and self-reflection of Shaun are well portrayed, showing his guilt and sense of failure in not being able to save his loved ones.
The dialogue between Shaun and Liz adds depth to their relationship, showcasing moments of humor and vulnerability amidst the chaos.
The revelation of the service lift as their way out is a clever twist that adds a sense of hope and a new direction for the characters.
The interaction between Shaun and Ed in their final moments together is poignant and heartfelt, highlighting their friendship and mutual respect.

Suggestions

Consider adding more physical descriptions of the characters' actions and expressions to enhance the visual impact of the scene.
Explore the internal thoughts and emotions of Liz further to provide a deeper insight into her character and her relationship with Shaun.
Build up the tension and suspense as the zombies break through the cellar door to create a more intense and gripping climax.
Provide a clearer resolution for Ed's character arc to give closure to his storyline and impact the emotional weight of his sacrifice.
Consider incorporating more sensory details to immerse the audience in the setting and atmosphere of the cellar, enhancing the overall experience.

Scene 39 - A New Beginning

Overall: 9.0
Concept: 9
Plot: 8
Characters: 8
Dialogue: 7

EXT. THE OUTSIDE –CONTINUOUS

SHAUN and LIZ rise up onto the street, a shot rings out from
the cellar beneath. SHAUN and LIZ exchange a look. It’s just
them now, versus an ARMY OF ADVANCING ZOMBIES.

SHAUN
Ready?

LIZ
Ready.

They both raise their weapons, ready to fight on together.
The CHORUS OF MOANS is now deafening. But then-

Another sound. An ENGINE ROARING, approaching fast.
128.

SHAUN and LIZ are dazzled by BRIGHT HEADLIGHTS, as one of a
CONVOY OF MILITARY TRUCKS mounts the curb next to the
Winchester, knocking several ZOMBIES flying.

FIGURES leap from the back. ORDERS barked. SHOTS are fired.
SHAUN and LIZ are disoriented until they hear...

VOICE (O.S.)
Ohmigod! Shaun!

A SMALLER FIGURE moves in front of the headlights. SHAUN
squints into the glare.

SHAUN
Yvonne?

YVONNE steps forward, her face becoming visible.

YVONNE
How you doing?

SHAUN and LIZ exchange a look.

SHAUN LIZ
Surviving. Surviving.

YVONNE (CONT’D)
They’re taking us somewhere safe.
Thought you might want to tag
along. Is it just the two of you?

SHAUN and LIZ nod somberly.

YVONNE (CONT’D)
Well...Glad somebody made it.

YVONNE beckons SHAUN and LIZ towards the truck. With the
sound of GUNFIRE and PITCH BATTLE echoing around them, they
disappear into the BLINDING LIGHT.

DISSOLVE TO:

CAPTION ‘6 MONTHS LATER’

...WHITE NOISE FLIPS TO...

NEWS: The TROUBLED REPORTER from earlier. Now very calm and
being interviewed as an authority on the subject.

“...these beings, these creatures or to use the correct
scientific terminology...Zombies, posed the greatest threat-”
129.

FLIP. We see footage of MILITARY POLICE racing down suburban
streets, saving people from houses.

“...it’s a testament to the combined forces of the military
that law was restored. Of course we now realise that the
phenomenon resulted from the use of-”

FLIP. A TRASHY AMERICAN DOCUMENTARY. Quick cut NTSC footage
of zombies and shootings.

“...next we’ll hear the story of 10 year old Issac Baumgarten
who fought off the reanimated corpses of his extended family.
It’s all coming right up on ‘Zombies From Hell’.”

FLIP. A SERIOUS DOCUMENTARY.

“...of course the fact that the mobile deceased still have
primal instincts and trace cognitive thought...”

We see ZOMBIES herded into a cage on the back of a lorry.

“...makes them ideal recruitment for the service industry.”

We see a ZOMBIE NOEL in overalls pushing shopping trolleys.

“...and because we now know the condition is caused by-”

FLIP. A heated discussion on ‘Trisha’. A young woman is sat
on the stage. A corner graphic reads ‘I MARRIED A MONSTER’.

YOUNG WOMAN
...people say it’s wrong. But he’s
still my husband, y’know?

In the next chair to the young woman, sits a FIGURE in semi-
darkness. TRISHA looks on sympathetically.

YOUNG WOMAN (CONT’D)
I still love him, still got the
ring on me finger, Trisha...

FLIP. A LAME GAME SHOW with lumbering undead contestants on
bouncy obstacle courses. An unseen commentator giggles.

INT. HOUSE –DAY

Bare feet lumber into shot. Slowly we PAN UP. SHAUN. His face
is tired, but happy. He yawns.

We are back in the lounge. The room is tidy, but the decor a
little different. More homely. There are photos of Shaun &
Liz on the wall, next to two mounted rifles and posters
advertising a club at which Shaun now Deejays.
130.

We also see pictures of David and Di and Barbara and Philip,
arranged like little shrines.

LIZ sits on the sofa, idly flicking through the cable
channels. She is wearing BARBARA’S RING. SHAUN kisses her.

SHAUN
Allo.

LIZ
Allo.

SHAUN
So, what’s the plan then?

LIZ
Right. We have a cup of tea. Then
we go get the Sundays; head down
The Phoenix for a roast; veg out in
the pub for a bit; then wander
back, watch a bit of telly and go
to bed.

SHAUN
Perfect.

LIZ
I’ll get the kettle on.

SHAUN
Nice. Can I have two sugars?

LIZ
Ooh, adventurous.

SHAUN
Just gonna pop into the garden
actually.

LIZ
Go on then.

SHAUN
Two secs.

Genres: ["Horror","Comedy","Action"]

Summary Shaun and Liz escape the zombie horde with help from the military, and six months later, they live in the Winchester, a sanctuary for survivors. The world has mostly recovered, with zombies now used for labor, and amidst the remnants of their lost loved ones, Shaun and Liz look forward to the future and the arrival of their child.

Strengths

Effective blending of genres
Strong character development
Engaging plot progression
Emotional impact

Weaknesses

Some dialogue could be more impactful
Character interactions could be further developed

Critique

The scene effectively wraps up the story by showing Shaun and Liz surviving and living together in a safe haven after the zombie apocalypse.
The introduction of the military convoy led by Yvonne adds a sense of hope and resolution to the chaotic situation.
The use of various news clips and TV shows to depict the aftermath of the zombie outbreak adds a layer of dark humor and commentary on society's response to the crisis.
The scene transitions smoothly from the intense action of fighting off zombies to a more peaceful and domestic setting, showing the characters adapting to their new reality.
The inclusion of photos of deceased friends and family on the wall adds a poignant touch to the scene, reminding the audience of the sacrifices made during the apocalypse.

Suggestions

Consider adding a bit more emotional depth to Shaun and Liz's interaction to show the impact of the events they have gone through.
Provide a bit more closure for the characters who were lost during the apocalypse, such as David, Di, Barbara, and Philip.
Explore the theme of survival and rebuilding society after the apocalypse in more detail to give the audience a sense of the new world the characters are living in.
Consider adding a final moment of reflection or resolution for Shaun and Liz to tie up their character arcs more conclusively.
Perhaps include a brief glimpse of how the world has changed post-apocalypse to give a sense of the larger impact of the events.

Scene 40 - Shaun and Ed's Video Game Session

Overall: 8.0
Concept: 8
Plot: 7
Characters: 8
Dialogue: 7

INT. SHED –MOMENTS LATER

SHAUN opens the repaired shed door. The interior is dimly lit
by a flickering light. SHAUN sits down and picks up a game
controller, then presses a button. A VOICE booms.

GAME VOICE
Player Two has entered the game.
131.

A ZOMBIE ED sits on the floor, playing a video game. He is
shackled to the wall. ED turns to see SHAUN playing next to
him. He looks at him for a moment, before making a slow lunge
at his arm.

ED
Uhhhhhh.

SHAUN bats him away playfully.

SHAUN
Ed!

They continue playing. SHAUN scores a point. ED groans. SHAUN
laughs.

END

Genres: ["Horror","Comedy"]

Summary Shaun enters a dimly lit shed and finds his zombified friend, Ed, playing video games. Shaun joins Ed in playing the game, and they laugh and playfully bat at each other.

Strengths

Effective blend of horror and comedy genres
Unique concept of a zombie playing a video game
Engaging character interactions between Shaun and Zombie Ed

Weaknesses

Minimal conflict
Limited plot progression

Critique

The scene lacks a clear purpose or resolution. It feels disconnected from the rest of the story and doesn't add much to the overall narrative.
The interaction between Shaun and Zombie Ed feels forced and lacks emotional depth. There is an opportunity to explore the complex relationship between the two characters in a more meaningful way.
The dialogue is minimal and doesn't provide any insight into the characters' thoughts or feelings. It would benefit from more meaningful exchanges that reveal the emotional weight of the situation.
The scene could benefit from more tension and suspense. By building up the threat of Zombie Ed and creating a sense of urgency, the scene could be more engaging for the audience.
The visual description of the scene is lacking detail, making it difficult for the reader to fully visualize the setting and characters. Adding more descriptive elements could enhance the atmosphere and mood of the scene.

Suggestions

Consider revisiting the purpose of the scene and how it fits into the overall story arc. Make sure it contributes to the character development or plot progression.
Explore the dynamic between Shaun and Zombie Ed in more depth. Show the emotional impact of seeing his friend turned into a zombie and the internal conflict Shaun may be experiencing.
Enhance the dialogue to reveal more about the characters' emotions and motivations. Use this opportunity to delve into Shaun's feelings of guilt, loss, or acceptance.
Introduce more suspense and tension by increasing the stakes of the scene. Create a sense of danger or urgency that keeps the audience on the edge of their seats.
Provide more vivid and detailed descriptions of the setting, characters, and actions to immerse the reader in the scene. Use sensory details to enhance the atmosphere and engage the reader's imagination.