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Scene 1 -  Charlie Bucket's Curious Encounter
2 EXT. LOADING DOCK - DAY 2

Huge snowflakes drift down out of an icy sky that is the
color of steel. WORKMEN load pallets of Wonka candy onto
waiting trucks.

It's hard to say what time it is, exactly: there’s no sun to
be found, and the streetlights are always on. For that
matter, it's hard to say what year it is. From the trucks,
to the clothes, to the typeface on the clipboard, the world
seems to exist outside of ordinary calendars. All we can be
certain of is that it's winter.

The last container loaded, the FOREMAN bangs on the side of
the lead truck. The convoy moves out.


3 WIDER 3

We see the trucks are parked along the wall of the Wonka
factory. The loading area is outside of the factory itself.

As the trucks RUMBLE down the snowy street, they attract the
attention of a WOMAN WITH A PRAM, A SALESMAN WITH A SCARF,
and a ten-year old boy named CHARLIE BUCKET, who is on his
way home from school.

We FOCUS IN on Charlie as he watches the procession.

NARRATOR (V.O.)
This is the story of an ordinary
little boy named Charlie Bucket.
(MORE)

(CONTINUED)
3.
3 CONTINUED: 3
NARRATOR (V.O.) (CONT'D)
He was not faster, or stronger, or
more clever than other children.

Indeed, Charlie is barely strong enough to stand in the wind.
He'd be the runt of the litter if he had any brothers or
sisters.

As the Wonka trucks go by, Charlie wipes his runny nose with
his mitten.

NARRATOR (V.O.) (CONT'D)
His family was not rich, or
powerful, or well-connected. In
fact, they barely had enough to
eat.

After the last truck passes, Charlie continues walking home
to a tiny


4 DILAPIDATED HOUSE 4

built just feet from the road.

NARRATOR (V.O.)
Yet Charlie Bucket was the luckiest
boy in the entire world. He just
didn't know it yet.

Charlie stomps the snow off his feet and goes inside. We
pull back VERY WIDE to find the shack house is just a stone's
throw from the massive Wonka factory -- its shadow literally
falls across the tiny house.

TITLE OVER:

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
Genres: ["Drama","Family","Fantasy"]

Summary Amidst a snowy winter day, workers outside the enigmatic Wonka factory load pallets of tempting Wonka candy onto waiting trucks. These trucks catch the attention of young Charlie Bucket, an ordinary boy from a humble abode nearby. Curiosity grips Charlie as he observes the bustling activity, setting the stage for an enchanting tale that lies ahead.
Strengths
  • Strong atmosphere and setting establishment
  • Compelling theme introduction
  • Engaging protagonist introduction
Weaknesses
  • Limited character depth beyond Charlie
  • Minimal dialogue interaction

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively sets the tone and introduces the main character and central themes, creating intrigue and emotional resonance.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of contrasting Charlie's ordinary life with the extraordinary world of Wonka is compelling and sets up a rich narrative potential.

Plot: 8

The plot is simple yet engaging, focusing on Charlie's daily life and hinting at the larger story to come.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a familiar theme of a disadvantaged protagonist but adds a unique twist with the mysterious and timeless setting. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 7

Charlie is well-established as a sympathetic protagonist, but other characters are briefly introduced without much depth.

Character Changes: 5

Charlie doesn't undergo significant change in this scene, but the setup for his journey is laid out.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to find hope and happiness despite his difficult circumstances. It reflects his deeper desire for a better life and a sense of belonging.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to go home after a long day and face the challenges of his impoverished life.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 4

There is minimal conflict in this scene, mostly setting up the character and world.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create conflict and uncertainty for the protagonist, setting up potential obstacles for his journey.

High Stakes: 3

The stakes are relatively low in this scene, focusing more on character introduction and world-building.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by introducing key elements and characters, setting the stage for the narrative to unfold.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it hints at a larger mystery surrounding the protagonist's circumstances and the world he inhabits.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the contrast between external circumstances and internal resilience. It challenges the protagonist's beliefs about luck, fate, and personal agency.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a mix of sadness and hope, drawing the audience into Charlie's world.

Dialogue: 6

The narration is poignant and sets the mood effectively, but the dialogue between characters is limited in this scene.

Engagement: 8

This scene is engaging because it sets up the protagonist's journey and introduces a sense of mystery and hardship.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by slowly building tension and introducing the protagonist's internal and external conflicts.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings and descriptive narration.

Structure: 9

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, introducing the protagonist, setting, and conflict effectively.


Critique
  • The scene sets a cold and desolate winter atmosphere effectively with the description of the icy sky and snowflakes drifting down.
  • The introduction of the character Charlie Bucket is well done, establishing him as an ordinary and unassuming boy in contrast to the grandeur of the Wonka factory.
  • The contrast between the rundown house of Charlie and the massive Wonka factory looming over it creates a strong visual image.
  • The narration provides insight into Charlie's character and situation, setting the stage for the story to come.
  • The scene effectively establishes the setting and tone of the screenplay.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more sensory details to enhance the winter setting, such as the sound of snow crunching under Charlie's boots or the smell of cold air.
  • Explore ways to show Charlie's luckiness more explicitly, perhaps through small moments of kindness or good fortune that he experiences.
  • Consider incorporating more visual cues to highlight Charlie's poverty and the contrast with the wealth of the Wonka factory, such as the condition of his clothes or the meager contents of his home.
  • Think about ways to make Charlie's character more dynamic and engaging, perhaps by showing his resilience or resourcefulness in the face of adversity.



Scene 2 -  Charlie's Toothpaste Cap Surprise
5 INT. THE LITTLE HOUSE - NIGHT 5

Flakes of snow drift in through cracks in the roof, falling
down on Charlie, who is doing his homework at the kitchen
table. Ever-practical, he opens an umbrella for protection
and keeps right on working.

Meanwhile, his MOTHER chops cabbage for the soup pot. Mother
Bucket is an ever-exhausted woman in her late 30's, run
ragged from taking care of Charlie and the four invalid
grandparents. Many nights, she's too tired to worry, and too
worried to sleep.



(CONTINUED)
4.
5 CONTINUED: 5


There are only two rooms in this place altogether. This main
room is the kitchen, the family room, the foyer, the closet
and the bedroom for Charlie and his parents.

The front door swings open, revealing Charlie's FATHER, a
lanky, hard-working man in his late 30's who manages to be
grateful for his blessings, however slight they are.

FATHER
Evening, Buckets!

CHARLIE
Hi, Dad!

MOTHER
The soup’s almost ready. I don’t
suppose there’s anything extra to
put...

Off her husband’s look, there’s clearly no more food coming.
Ever chipper...

MOTHER (CONT’D)
Well. Nothing goes better with
cabbage than cabbage.

She begins to chop up another head.

FATHER
Charlie, I found something I think
you'll like!

He empties out his coat pockets on the table, revealing a
handful of small white plastic caps. With a gasp, Charlie's
eyes go wide as he picks one out of the pile.

CUT TO:


6 INT. TOOTHPASTE FACTORY - DAY [PAST] 6

Plump tubes of uncapped toothpaste slide along a conveyor
belt.

NARRATOR (V.O.)
Charlie's father worked in the
local toothpaste factory.

As each tube moves past, Father frantically screws on a cap.
It's a needlessly rushed and tedious job.




(CONTINUED)
5.
6 CONTINUED: 6


NARRATOR (V.O.) (CONT'D)
The hours were long, and the pay
was terrible. Yet occasionally,
there were unexpected surprises.

One of Father's plastic caps won't screw on right. He holds
it up for a closer look, and finds that it's misshapen. In
fact, it looks something like a human head.

FATHER
Huh.

MATCH CUT TO:


7 INT. THE LITTLE HOUSE - NIGHT 7

Charlie holds the same little plastic cap.

CHARLIE
It's exactly what I need!

Excited, he runs into the other room.


8 INT. GRANDPARENTS’ BEDROOM - NIGHT 8

The room’s one bed is dedicated to the four grandparents,
because they are so old and tired -- they never get out of
it. Two face one direction; two face the other. They are as
shriveled as prunes and as bony as skeletons.

Charlie dives under the bed, digging for something. The old
people look over the edge of the bed, but all they see are
Charlie’s feet sticking out.

GRANDPA JOE is 96-years old, yet still approaches life with
childlike zeal and optimism. He’s always quick to excite:

GRANDPA JOE
What is it, Charlie?

GRANDPA GEORGE
House on fire?

GRANDMA GEORGINA
(panicked)
Fire, where?

GRANDMA JOSEPHINE
Nowhere, dear.



(CONTINUED)
6.
8 CONTINUED: 8


GRANDMA JOSEPHINE is Joe's compassionate wife, with a knack
for spotting what's truly important.

GRANDPA GEORGE is a loving curmudgeon, able to spot storm
clouds on the sunniest day.

GRANDMA GEORGINA is a bit deaf and daft. She'd lose her
dentures if they weren't glued to her gums.

Charlie scoots back out from under the bed.

CHARLIE
Dad found it! Just the piece I
needed!

Charlie pulls out an ugly-beautiful scale model of the Wonka
factory, constructed entirely from deformed toothpaste caps.
Holding it carefully, he climbs to the middle of the
grandparents’ bed.

Through the bedroom window, we can see the real Wonka factory
in the background. Charlie’s model is a remarkable
facsimile.

GRANDPA JOE
What piece was it?

CHARLIE
A head for Willy Wonka!

Charlie shows them the figure he’s just assembled: a twisted
pipe-cleaner topped with the melted plastic head.

GRANDMA JOSEPHINE
How wonderful!

GRANDPA JOE
It's quite a likeness.

CHARLIE
You think so?

GRANDPA JOE
Think so? I know so. I saw Willy
Wonka with my own two eyes. I used
to work for him, you know.

CHARLIE
You did?

GRANDPA JOE
I did!


(CONTINUED)
7.
8 CONTINUED: (2) 8


GRANDMA JOSEPHINE
He did!

GRANDPA GEORGE
He did.

GRANDMA GEORGINA
I love grapes!

GRANDPA JOE
(ignoring)
Of course, I was a much younger man
in those days.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Family","Fantasy","Drama"]

Summary In a humble abode, Charlie eagerly completes his Wonka factory model with a toothpaste cap shaped like Willy Wonka's head. Meanwhile, his beloved grandfather unveils a cherished secret from his past, igniting Charlie's anticipation for the future.
Strengths
  • Strong character development
  • Heartwarming tone
  • Creative concept
Weaknesses
  • Low conflict level
  • Limited plot progression

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively sets up the family dynamics, introduces key characters, and hints at the whimsical world of the Wonka factory. It is heartwarming and engaging.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of using toothpaste caps to create a model of the Wonka factory is creative and sets the stage for the fantastical elements to come. The introduction of the grandparents adds depth to the family dynamic.

Plot: 7

The plot progresses by showing Charlie's resourcefulness and creativity in building the model factory. It also hints at the connection between Charlie's family and the Wonka factory.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the theme of poverty and struggle by infusing it with elements of fantasy and imagination. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and original.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-defined and endearing, each with their own quirks and personalities. The interactions between Charlie, his parents, and the grandparents add depth to the story.

Character Changes: 5

While there is not significant character change in this scene, it sets up the potential for growth and development, especially for Charlie as he embarks on his journey.

Internal Goal: 8

Charlie's internal goal is to find joy and creativity in his limited environment, reflecting his desire for escape and imagination in the face of hardship.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to create a model of the Wonka factory using deformed toothpaste caps, reflecting his desire to bring a piece of magic and wonder into his mundane life.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 3

There is a low level of conflict in this scene, focusing more on the family dynamics and Charlie's creativity. The conflict is more internal and subtle.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create tension and conflict, but not overwhelming, allowing for moments of humor and heart.

High Stakes: 4

The stakes are relatively low in this scene, focusing more on the family dynamics and Charlie's creativity. However, it hints at the potential for higher stakes as the story progresses.

Story Forward: 6

The scene moves the story forward by introducing key elements and characters that will play a role in Charlie's journey to the Wonka factory. It sets the stage for the adventure to come.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it introduces unexpected elements like the deformed toothpaste caps and the connection to Willy Wonka.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict is between the harsh reality of poverty and struggle, and the dream of a magical and fantastical world represented by the Wonka factory. This challenges Charlie's beliefs about what is possible and attainable in his life.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a sense of nostalgia and warmth, drawing the audience into the world of Charlie and his family. The interactions with the grandparents add emotional depth.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is natural and reveals the relationships between the characters. It sets the tone for the family dynamic and hints at the whimsical nature of the story.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it balances humor and heart, drawing the audience into the characters' struggles and triumphs.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by balancing moments of tension with moments of humor and warmth.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings and descriptions.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution.


Critique
  • The scene effectively sets the stage for the family dynamics and introduces the characters in a clear and concise manner.
  • The use of visual elements like the snow falling through the roof and the cramped living conditions helps to establish the setting and the family's struggles.
  • The dialogue between the family members feels natural and adds depth to their relationships.
  • The transition between the present scene and the flashback to the toothpaste factory is a bit abrupt and could be smoother.
  • The introduction of the toothpaste factory and the deformed toothpaste cap as a key element in Charlie's model of the Wonka factory is a creative touch that adds depth to the story.
  • The interaction between Charlie and his grandparents is heartwarming and adds a sense of nostalgia and history to the narrative.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a smoother transition between the present scene and the flashback to the toothpaste factory to improve the flow of the narrative.
  • Explore ways to further develop the relationship between Charlie and his parents to add more layers to their characters.
  • Consider incorporating more visual cues or actions to enhance the storytelling and bring the scene to life.
  • Ensure that the dialogue remains authentic and serves to deepen the understanding of the characters and their relationships.
  • Continue to build on the theme of family history and nostalgia to create a richer and more engaging narrative.



Scene 3 -  Grandpa Joe's Visit to Willy Wonka's
9 INT. WONKA CANDY STORE - DAY [TWENTY YEARS AGO] 9

CLOSE ON Grandpa Joe. He’s 76, but still looks just as old.

As we PULL OUT, we reveal that he’s working the main counter.
The tiny store is overflowing with candy, filling the glass
cases and every shelf around.

It’s also crowded with DOZEN OF CUSTOMERS, all pushing and
shoving to buy some of Wonka’s fabulous candy. We can see a
line stretching out the door.

GRANDPA JOE (V.O.)
Willy Wonka began with a single
store on Cherry Street. But the
whole world wanted his candy.

Grandpa Joe finds he’s out of the bars he needs to finish an
order. He ducks through a low door, heading into...


10 INT. CANDY STORE BACK ROOM - DAY [TWENTY YEARS AGO] 10

The back room is a beehive of activity, with apron-wearing
WORKERS carrying trays of freshly-made candy from the ovens
to the racks, from racks to the wrapping tables. SUGAR-
PULLERS whack heavy ropes of peppermint candy again marble
slabs, while a clothesline full of giant lollipops WHIZZES
past.

Grandpa Joe walks up behind a MAN wearing a velvet jacket.

GRANDPA JOE
Mr. Wonka!



(CONTINUED)
8.
10 CONTINUED: 10


The man, Willy Wonka himself, turns to him. Wonka is holding
various panes of translucent colored candy in front of his
face, so we can’t quite make out what he looks like.

(In fact, it will be a while before we see Willy Wonka
straight-on.)

WONKA
Lickable glass! Do you like it?
Who wouldn’t?! Picture this:
You’re in church, another boring
Sunday sermon. Temperance,
humility, the usual. Then
suddenly...

He licks the candy-glass from the far side.

WONKA (CONT’D)
Mmmm, inspiration! I tell you,
we’ll fill the pews week after
week.

GRANDPA JOE
Mr. Wonka, we’re out of chocolate
birds.

WONKA
Birds, birds. We’ll need to make
more. I know!

He holds up a light-blue bird’s egg with tiny black spots.
Candy, evidently. He pops it into Grandpa Joe’s mouth.

CLOSE ON Grandpa Joe as he experiences a strange but tasty
sensation.

WONKA (CONT’D)
Now, open!

Grandpa Joe opens his mouth to reveal the egg has melted away
completely, leaving just a sugary pink baby bird sitting on
the tip of his tongue.

BACK TO:
Genres: ["Fantasy","Family","Adventure"]

Summary Twenty years ago, Grandpa Joe, a dedicated employee at Willy Wonka's bustling candy shop, runs out of chocolate birds. Seeking assistance, he ventures into the chaotic back room where Wonka, an eccentric genius, experiments with innovative candy creations. Wonka offers Grandpa Joe a lickable glass candy bird's egg, which transforms into a sugary baby bird when dissolved, leaving a sweet surprise on his tongue.
Strengths
  • Whimsical dialogue
  • Magical setting
  • Introduction of key characters
Weaknesses
  • Low conflict level
  • Minimal character change

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene effectively sets the tone for the fantastical world of the Wonka factory, introduces key characters, and engages the audience with its whimsical and magical elements.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of a candy store filled with imaginative and unique candy creations is captivating and sets the stage for the rest of the story.

Plot: 9

The plot advances as Grandpa Joe interacts with Willy Wonka, setting up the connection between the characters and hinting at the larger story to come.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces unique and imaginative candy creations, such as lickable glass and candy birds, that add a fresh and creative twist to the familiar setting of a candy store. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 8

Grandpa Joe and Willy Wonka are introduced with distinct personalities and characteristics, adding depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 4

There is minimal character change in the scene, but it sets up potential growth for Grandpa Joe and his relationship with Willy Wonka.

Internal Goal: 8

Grandpa Joe's internal goal is to ensure the candy store runs smoothly and that the customers are satisfied with their purchases. This reflects his desire to uphold the legacy of Willy Wonka and maintain the store's reputation for quality and innovation.

External Goal: 7

Grandpa Joe's external goal is to restock the chocolate birds and ensure that the candy-making process continues smoothly. This reflects the immediate challenge of meeting customer demand and maintaining production.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 3

There is a low level of conflict in the scene, mainly centered around the need to make more chocolate birds, but it is overshadowed by the whimsical and magical elements.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene comes from the challenge of restocking the chocolate birds and meeting customer demand, creating a sense of tension and urgency.

High Stakes: 4

The stakes are relatively low in this scene, focusing more on world-building and character introduction than high-stakes conflict.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by establishing the setting, introducing key characters, and hinting at the larger narrative to come.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected candy creations and whimsical dialogue that keep the audience guessing about what will happen next.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the innovative and whimsical nature of Willy Wonka's candy creations, contrasting with traditional values and expectations. This challenges Grandpa Joe's beliefs about the importance of tradition and quality in candy-making.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a sense of wonder and nostalgia, especially with the introduction of Grandpa Joe and his connection to Willy Wonka.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue between Grandpa Joe and Willy Wonka is whimsical and engaging, reflecting the magical world of the candy store.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its whimsical and imaginative elements, lively dialogue, and dynamic interactions between characters.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and excitement as Grandpa Joe navigates the busy candy store and interacts with Willy Wonka.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with proper scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a fantasy genre screenplay, with clear descriptions of the setting, character interactions, and progression of the plot.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear conflict or tension to drive the story forward. It feels more like an exposition of the candy store and Willy Wonka's inventions.
  • The dialogue between Grandpa Joe and Willy Wonka feels a bit forced and expository, lacking natural flow and depth.
  • The visual descriptions of the candy store and back room are detailed but may be overwhelming for the audience, leading to a lack of focus on the main characters and their interactions.
  • The scene could benefit from more character development and emotional depth to engage the audience and create a stronger connection with the story.
  • The transition between the candy store and back room feels abrupt and could be smoother to maintain the flow of the scene.
Suggestions
  • Introduce a clear conflict or obstacle for Grandpa Joe to overcome in the scene, adding depth and tension to the story.
  • Focus on developing the dialogue between Grandpa Joe and Willy Wonka to reveal more about their characters and motivations.
  • Simplify the visual descriptions of the candy store and back room to maintain focus on the characters and their interactions.
  • Add emotional moments or character revelations to deepen the connection with the audience and enhance the storytelling.
  • Smooth out the transition between the candy store and back room to improve the flow of the scene and keep the audience engaged.



Scene 4 -  Willy Wonka's Grand Opening
11 INT. GRANDPARENTS’ BEDROOM - NIGHT 11

Grandpa Joe continues telling his story to Charlie.




(CONTINUED)
9.
11 CONTINUED: 11


GRANDPA JOE
The man was a genius! Did you
know, he invented a new way of
making chocolate ice cream so that
it stays cold for hours without a
freezer. You can even leave it
lying in the sun on a hot day and
it won't go runny!

CHARLIE
But that's impossible.

GRANDPA GEORGE
Of course it's impossible! It's
completely absurd!

GRANDPA JOE
But Willy Wonka did it!

CUT TO:


12 EXT. WONKA FACTORY GATES - DAY [FIFTEEN YEARS AGO] 12

A CHEERING CROWD is gathered on a beautiful spring day for
the grand opening ceremony.

GRANDPA JOE (V.O.)
Before long, he decided to build a
proper chocolate factory -- the
largest chocolate factory in
history, fifty times as big as any
other!

With giant scissors, Wonka slices a fat red ribbon. One of
the ribbon ends flutters up, obscuring Wonka’s face yet
again.

We come upon Grandpa Joe and Grandma Josephine, CHEERING in
the crowd. Caught up in the moment, the old people kiss.

CHARLIE (PRE-LAP)
Eww!

BACK TO:


13 INT. THE GRANDPARENTS’ BEDROOM - NIGHT 13

Charlie finds this disgusting.




(CONTINUED)
10.
13 CONTINUED: 13


CHARLIE
Grandpa! Don’t make it gross.

GRANDMA JOSEPHINE
Tell him about the Indian prince.
He'd like to hear that.

GRANDPA JOE
You mean Prince Pondicherry?

GRANDPA GEORGE
Completely dotty!

GRANDMA GEORGINA
I am not!

GRANDMA JOSEPHINE
Of course you aren’t, dear.

Mother and Father enter with bowls of soup for the old
people.

GRANDPA JOE
Well, Prince Pondicherry wrote a
letter to Mr. Wonka and asked him
to come all the way out to India
and build him a colossal palace
entirely out of chocolate.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Fantasy","Family"]

Summary Grandpa Joe regales Charlie with tales of Willy Wonka's inventions, including a self-cooling ice cream and the construction of a chocolate factory. Amidst skepticism from other family members, Grandpa Joe and Grandma Josephine share a kiss, amusing Charlie. The scene concludes as Grandpa Joe and Grandma Josephine continue their nostalgic reminiscence.
Strengths
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Whimsical tone
  • Introduction of key characters
Weaknesses
  • Minimal conflict
  • Limited character development

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively sets up the magical and imaginative world of Willy Wonka, introduces key characters, and hints at the larger story to come.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of a chocolate factory with incredible inventions and a mysterious owner is intriguing and sets the stage for a fantastical adventure.

Plot: 7

The plot moves forward by revealing Willy Wonka's past and his extraordinary abilities, setting up the foundation for Charlie's future interactions with the chocolate factory.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh approach to storytelling, blending elements of fantasy and family dynamics in a unique way. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The introduction of Grandpa Joe and his connection to Willy Wonka adds depth to the characters and hints at the relationships that will develop throughout the story.

Character Changes: 5

There is minimal character change in this scene, as it is more focused on introducing characters and setting up the story.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to connect with his family through storytelling and to engage in the fantastical world created by his grandfather. This reflects Charlie's desire for escapism and his need for a sense of wonder and magic in his life.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to listen to his grandfather's story and engage with the fantastical elements presented. This reflects the immediate circumstances of the family gathering and the challenge of suspending disbelief to enter the world of the story.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 3

There is minimal conflict in this scene, as it primarily focuses on introducing characters and setting up the fantastical world of Willy Wonka.

Opposition: 6

The opposition in the scene is not strong, as the conflict is more internal and philosophical rather than external. The audience is not sure how the characters' beliefs will clash or resolve.

High Stakes: 4

The stakes are relatively low in this scene, as it is more focused on world-building and character introduction.

Story Forward: 8

The scene effectively moves the story forward by providing important background information and setting up future events.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the fantastical elements presented by Grandpa Joe and the contrasting reactions of the other characters. The audience is unsure of how the story will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is between reality and imagination. While Grandpa Joe presents fantastical inventions and feats, the other characters, like Grandma Georgina, express skepticism and disbelief. This challenges Charlie's beliefs in the power of imagination and magic.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The scene evokes a sense of wonder and nostalgia, but the emotional impact is not the primary focus.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue between the characters is engaging and helps to establish the whimsical and playful tone of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its blend of humor, heartwarming family moments, and fantastical storytelling. The audience is drawn into the world of the story and invested in the characters.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by balancing moments of humor, heartwarming family interactions, and fantastical storytelling. The rhythm keeps the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings, dialogue, and action descriptions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm contribute to its effectiveness.


Critique
  • The transition from the previous scene to this one is a bit abrupt and could be smoother to maintain the flow of the story.
  • The dialogue between the characters feels a bit forced and lacks naturalness, especially in the reactions to Willy Wonka's inventions.
  • The scene lacks depth and emotional connection, making it difficult for the audience to fully engage with the story being told.
  • The interaction between the characters could be more dynamic and engaging to capture the audience's attention.
  • The scene could benefit from more visual descriptions to create a vivid picture in the reader's mind.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more context or background information to help the audience understand the significance of Willy Wonka's inventions.
  • Work on making the dialogue more realistic and reflective of the characters' personalities and relationships.
  • Enhance the emotional impact of the scene by delving deeper into the characters' reactions and motivations.
  • Add more visual elements and sensory details to bring the scene to life and immerse the audience in the story.
  • Focus on creating a smoother transition between scenes to maintain the narrative flow and keep the audience engaged.



Scene 5 -  The Chocolate Palace of Prince Pondicherry
14 EXT. DELHI, INDIA - DAY [FIFTEEN YEARS AGO] 14

Wonka’s hand smooths out the blueprints for a massive
structure, complete with curvy onion domes and twisted
columns. He’s talking to PRINCE PONDICHERRY.

WONKA’S VOICE
It will have one hundred rooms, and
everything will be made of either
dark or light chocolate!

Going WIDER, we reveal that we’re on a sandy knoll
overlooking the construction site, where hundreds of WORKERS
are toiling.
11.




15 EXT. A HALF-BUILT WALL - DAY [FIFTEEN YEARS AGO] 15

A MASON unwraps a giant chocolate bar, spreading ganache on
the back with a trowel. He carefully sets this “brick” in
place.

GRANDPA JOE (V.O.)
True to his word, the bricks were
chocolate, and the cement holding
them together was chocolate. All
the walls and ceilings were made of
chocolate as well.


16 INT. PALACE BEDROOM - DAY [FIFTEEN YEARS AGO] 16

We MOVE THROUGH the room, which is decorated entirely in
shades of brown and cream, headed towards the master bath.

GRANDPA JOE
So were the carpets and the
pictures and the furniture. And
when you turned on the taps in the
bathroom...

WONKA’S HAND

turns the faucet. Steaming cocoa comes out.

WONKA’S VOICE
Hot chocolate. Precisely the most
delicious temperature.

He’s talking to Prince Pondicherry, who looks on in wonder.

PRINCE PONDICHERRY
It is perfect in every way.

WONKA'S VOICE
I warn you though, it won't last
long. You'd better start eating
right away.

PRINCE PONDICHERRY
Nonsense! I will not eat my
palace!
(grandly)
I intend to live in it!




(CONTINUED)
12.
16 CONTINUED: 16


GRANDPA JOE (V.O.)
But Mr. Wonka was right, of course.
Soon after this, there came a very
hot day with a boiling sun.
Genres: ["Fantasy","Adventure","Family"]

Summary Fifteen years ago, Wonka unveiled plans for a magnificent chocolate palace in Delhi, India. The palace, adorned with onion domes and twisted columns, was to have 100 rooms made entirely of chocolate. Despite Wonka's warning that it would melt, Prince Pondicherry intended to reside in the palace. However, as Grandpa Joe narrates, the palace's fate was sealed on a hot day when it melted into oblivion.
Strengths
  • Imaginative concept of a chocolate palace
  • Whimsical and magical tone
  • Introduction of key characters like Willy Wonka and Prince Pondicherry
Weaknesses
  • Lack of significant conflict
  • Minimal character development

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively sets up the magical and whimsical world of Willy Wonka, introducing unique elements like the chocolate palace and hot chocolate taps. It engages the audience with its fantastical elements and nostalgic tone.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of a palace made entirely of chocolate is innovative and imaginative, setting the stage for the fantastical world of Willy Wonka. The scene effectively introduces this concept and captures the audience's imagination.

Plot: 7

The plot focuses on the construction of the chocolate palace and the interaction between Willy Wonka and Prince Pondicherry. It sets up the magical world of Wonka and hints at the whimsical inventions to come.

Originality: 9

The scene demonstrates a high level of originality through its unique concept of a chocolate palace, fresh approach to construction and design, and authentic portrayal of characters' actions and dialogue.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters of Willy Wonka and Prince Pondicherry are introduced, showcasing their unique personalities and the dynamic between them. The scene effectively establishes the characters and their roles in the story.

Character Changes: 4

There is minimal character change in this scene, as it primarily focuses on introducing Willy Wonka and Prince Pondicherry. However, it sets the stage for potential character development in future scenes.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to impress Prince Pondicherry with his chocolate palace creation. This reflects Wonka's desire for recognition, validation, and admiration for his unique and creative ideas.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to showcase the functionality and beauty of the chocolate palace to Prince Pondicherry. This reflects the immediate challenge of convincing the prince of the palace's worth and durability.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 3

The scene lacks significant conflict, focusing more on the introduction of the chocolate palace and Willy Wonka's magical creations. The conflict is minimal but sets the stage for future conflicts.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create conflict and tension, with Prince Pondicherry's refusal to consume the palace posing a significant obstacle to Wonka's plans.

High Stakes: 4

The stakes are relatively low in this scene, as it primarily focuses on the construction of the chocolate palace and the introduction of Willy Wonka's magical inventions. However, it sets the stage for higher stakes to come.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by introducing key elements of the magical world of Willy Wonka and setting up future events. It establishes the foundation for the rest of the narrative.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected use of chocolate as building material, the clash of ideologies between characters, and the uncertain outcome of Prince Pondicherry's decision.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is between Wonka's innovative and imaginative approach to construction using chocolate and Prince Pondicherry's traditional and conservative views on living in the palace without consuming it. This challenges Wonka's belief in the practicality and enjoyment of his creations.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The scene evokes a sense of wonder and excitement through its magical and whimsical elements. The audience is drawn into the fantastical world of Willy Wonka and the chocolate palace.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue between Willy Wonka and Prince Pondicherry is whimsical and magical, reflecting the fantastical world of Wonka's creations. It sets the tone for the scene and enhances the magical atmosphere.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its fantastical and whimsical elements, the conflict between characters' beliefs, and the visual and emotional impact of the chocolate palace construction.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by balancing exposition, dialogue, and action to maintain audience interest and build tension towards the resolution of the conflict.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, with proper scene headings, action lines, and dialogue formatting that enhance readability and clarity.

Structure: 8

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene descriptions, character actions, and dialogue that advance the plot and develop the characters.


Critique
  • The scene provides a vivid description of the construction of Prince Pondicherry's chocolate palace, but it lacks emotional depth and character development.
  • The dialogue between Wonka and Prince Pondicherry feels a bit flat and could benefit from more dynamic interactions to engage the audience.
  • The scene could be enhanced by incorporating more sensory details to immerse the audience in the world of the chocolate palace.
  • There is a missed opportunity to explore the themes of indulgence, impermanence, and the consequences of extravagance that could add depth to the story.
  • The transition between the different locations within the palace could be smoother to improve the flow of the scene.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment of conflict or tension to create a more engaging narrative and capture the audience's attention.
  • Develop the characters of Wonka and Prince Pondicherry further to make their interactions more compelling and memorable.
  • Introduce more visual elements and descriptive language to paint a vivid picture of the chocolate palace and immerse the audience in its decadent world.
  • Explore the emotional impact of the palace's eventual demise on Prince Pondicherry to add depth to the story and resonate with the audience.
  • Work on refining the pacing and structure of the scene to ensure a seamless transition between different locations and events.



Scene 6 -  Chocolate Chaos and Factory Intrigue
17 INT. PALACE BEDROOM - DAY [FIFTEEN YEARS AGO] 17

The Prince and his lovely PRINCESS are reclining on chocolate
divans, eating packaged Wonka candies when a brown

DRIP

lands on the Prince’s forehead. He wipes it off, and smiles
at his beautiful bride.

A beat later, a sizable CLUMP of chocolate whacks the prince
on the side of the head. Both royals hightail it as the
entire room begins to collapse around them.

Like a delicious, fudgy disaster movie, the two royals barely
escape as walls and pillars come CRASHING down.


18 EXT. THE KNOLL - DAY [FIFTEEN YEARS AGO] 18

Covered with chocolate goo, Prince Pondicherry watches as his
dream disintegrates into a brown puddle.

GRANDPA JOE (V.O.)
The prince sent an urgent telegram
requesting a new palace, but Mr.
Wonka was facing problems of his
own.


19 EXT. FACTORY GATES - DAY [FIFTEEN YEARS AGO] 19

Done for the day, one shift of FACTORY WORKERS heads home.
We see Grandpa Joe walking with two FRIENDS, laughing at a
joke. Behind them, a SHIFTY-EYED WORKER surreptitiously
hands off

A SLIP OF PAPER

to a nearby bush, where a man’s hand reaches out to grab it.

GRANDPA JOE (V.O.)
All the other chocolate makers, you
see, had grown jealous of Mr. Wonka.
They began sending in spies to steal
his secret recipes.
13.




20 EXT. CHERRY STREET - DAY [FIFTEEN YEARS AGO] 20

Near the original Wonka store, we find SIDEWALK VENDORS
selling their cheap knock-offs.

GRANDPA JOE (V.O.)
Fickelgruber's factory started
making an ice cream that would
never melt.

Indeed, the FICKELGRUBER MAN holds a magnifying glass above a
cone of chocolate swirl, with nary an effect. Further on...

GRANDPA JOE (V.O.) (CONT’D)
Prodnose's factory came out with a
chewing gum that never lost its
flavor.

The PRODNOSE VENDOR hands out sticks of “Evergreen
Wintergreen Gum” to PASSERSBY. We continue moving down the
street.

GRANDPA JOE (V.O.) (CONT’D)
Then Slugworth's factory began
making candy balloons that you
could blow up to incredible sizes.

The SLUGWORTH SALESMAN is surrounded by CHILDREN who blow
impossibly large balloons -- bigger than their entire bodies.
He POPS each balloon, leaving a mess of goo and happy, sticky
kids.


21 EXT. FACTORY GATES - DAY [FIFTEEN YEARS AGO] 21

Grandpa Joe and a CROWD of stunned workers watch as the giant
gates swing shut.

GRANDPA JOE (V.O.)
The thievery got so bad that one
day, without warning, Mr. Wonka
told every single one of his
workers to leave, to go home, never
to come back.

A thick chain slides around the bars of the gates, locked
from the inside.




(CONTINUED)
14.
21 CONTINUED: 21


GRANDPA JOE (V.O.) (CONT’D)
He announced that he was closing
his chocolate factory forever.

BACK TO:


22 INT. THE GRANDPARENTS’ BEDROOM - NIGHT 22

The Grandparents are slurping their soup, as is Charlie. His
Mother and Father have pulled up chairs to the edge of the
bed, so the whole family can eat together.

CHARLIE
(confused)
But it didn’t close forever. It’s
open right now.

MOTHER
Sometimes, when grownups say
“forever,” they mean “a very long
time.”

GRANDPA GEORGE
Such as, “I feel like I’ve eaten
nothing but cabbage soup forever.”

FATHER
Now, Pop...

GRANDMA JOSEPHINE
The factory did close, Charlie.

GRANDPA JOE
And it seemed like it was going to
be closed forever. Then, one day,
we saw smoke rising from the
chimneys. The factory was back in
business.

CHARLIE
Did you get your job back?

GRANDPA JOE
No. No one did.

CHARLIE
But there must be people working
there...




(CONTINUED)
15.
22 CONTINUED: 22


GRANDMA JOSEPHINE
Think about it, Charlie. Have you
ever seen a single person going
into that factory -- or coming out?

CHARLIE
No. The gates are always closed.

GRANDPA JOE
Exactly!

CHARLIE
But then, who’s running the
machines?

MOTHER
Nobody knows, Charlie.

FATHER
It sure is a mystery.

CHARLIE
Hasn't someone asked Mr. Wonka?

GRANDPA JOE
Nobody sees him anymore. He never
comes out. The only thing that
comes out of that place is the
candy, already packed and
addressed.
(wistful)
I’d give anything in the world just
to go in one more time, and see
what’s become of that amazing
factory.

A beat. Everyone nods sympathetically. All except --

GRANDPA GEORGE
Well you won’t, because you can’t!
No one can! It’s a mystery and it
will always be a mystery! That
little factory of yours, Charlie,
is as close as any of us is ever
going to get.

He hands off his soup bowl to Father. Reluctantly, Mother
and Father gather the rest of the empty bowls.

MOTHER
Come on, Charlie. We should let
your grandparents get some sleep.


(CONTINUED)
16.
22 CONTINUED: (2) 22


Charlie says his goodnights, giving each old person a hug.
He saves his last for loopy Grandma Georgina. With sudden
clarity, she WHISPERS to him...

GRANDMA GEORGINA
Nothing’s impossible, Charlie.
Nothing.

Charlie gives her a strange look as he follows his parents
out of the room. With one last look back, he switches off
the light.
Genres: ["Fantasy","Adventure","Family"]

Summary In the Prince's palace, a chocolate disaster forces them to flee. Grandpa Joe recounts the secret recipe theft that led to the closure of Mr. Wonka's chocolate factory. Despite the mystery surrounding its reopening, Grandma Georgina sparks Charlie's curiosity, leaving him pondering the possibility of uncovering the truth about the enigmatic factory.
Strengths
  • Engaging concept
  • Mysterious tone
  • Effective world-building
Weaknesses
  • Dialogue could be more engaging
  • Limited character development

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively sets up the mystery and intrigue surrounding the Wonka factory, engaging the audience with its whimsical and nostalgic tone.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a chocolate palace melting and the introduction of rival candy makers add depth and intrigue to the story.

Plot: 7

The plot introduces key elements of the backstory and sets up the central mystery of the Wonka factory effectively.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a unique world where chocolate and candy play a central role, and explores the theme of mystery and curiosity in a fresh and engaging manner. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and contribute to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 7

The characters are well-defined and contribute to the overall tone and mystery of the scene.

Character Changes: 5

There is minimal character change in this scene, as it primarily focuses on setting up the backstory and mystery.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to understand the mystery behind the closed chocolate factory and to potentially uncover the secrets within. This reflects his curiosity, longing for adventure, and desire to explore the unknown.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to learn more about the history of the chocolate factory and its current status. This reflects his desire for knowledge and understanding of the world around him.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

The conflict is more subtle in this scene, focusing more on the mystery and intrigue surrounding the Wonka factory.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene, represented by the mystery of the closed chocolate factory and the conflicting beliefs of the characters, adds depth and complexity to the narrative.

High Stakes: 7

The high stakes are implied through the mystery surrounding the Wonka factory and the disappearance of workers.

Story Forward: 8

The scene effectively moves the story forward by introducing key elements of the backstory and setting up the central mystery.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because it introduces unexpected elements, such as the closed chocolate factory and the mysterious disappearance of Mr. Wonka.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the idea of mystery and the unknown. The characters grapple with the concept of things beyond their understanding, and the tension between curiosity and acceptance of the unknown.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The scene evokes a sense of curiosity and nostalgia, but could have a stronger emotional impact.

Dialogue: 6

The dialogue is informative and sets up important plot points, but could be more engaging.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it introduces a compelling mystery, intriguing characters, and a sense of wonder that captivates the audience.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and eager to uncover the secrets of the chocolate factory.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is consistent with the genre and effectively conveys the magical and mysterious atmosphere of the world.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with well-defined locations and transitions, effectively setting up the mystery and intrigue surrounding the chocolate factory.


Critique
  • The scene transitions abruptly from the collapsing palace bedroom to the factory gates, which may be disorienting for the audience.
  • The dialogue between the characters feels a bit forced and expository, lacking natural flow and authenticity.
  • The scene lacks visual descriptions to fully immerse the audience in the setting and actions taking place.
  • The transition from the factory gates to the grandparents' bedroom feels disjointed and could be smoother.
  • The dialogue between the family members in the bedroom is a bit heavy-handed in conveying the mystery of the factory, lacking subtlety.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a smoother transition between the collapsing palace and the factory gates to improve the flow of the scene.
  • Work on making the dialogue more natural and authentic to better engage the audience with the characters and their interactions.
  • Enhance the visual descriptions to create a more vivid and immersive setting for the audience.
  • Try to find a more seamless way to transition from the factory gates to the grandparents' bedroom to avoid a jarring shift in location.
  • Consider adding more subtlety and nuance to the dialogue in the bedroom scene to convey the mystery of the factory in a more nuanced way.



Scene 7 -  The Golden Tickets
A23 INT. CHARLIE’S LOFT - DAY A23

Charlie climbs up into his little bed, which is set up in the
rafters of the tiny, sway-backed house. The sloped ceiling
is covered with fanciful sketches of Wonka’s factory, and
flattened wrappers from the few Wonka bars Charlie’s eaten.

He looks out through a small round window. The Wonka factory
dominates the view.

NARRATOR (V.O.)
Indeed, that very night, the
impossible had already been set in
motion.

We PUSH THROUGH the window...


23 EXT. THE LITTLE HOUSE - NIGHT 23

...flying up like a bat. We drift along the stone walls of
the Wonka factory, coming to the far corner. There, on an
empty snow-lined street, we find A YOUNG MAN ON A BICYCLE.
He’s dressed in wool, with a messenger bag over his shoulder.
And he’s not alone.

There are DOZENS of bicyclists, all identically dressed,
riding in a phalanx through the night. As they reach an
intersection, they branch off in different directions, headed
for each part of the city.


24 EXT. CHERRY STREET - NIGHT 24

The shops are all closed for the night. The street is quiet,
until we hear the gentle TAPPING of hammers.




(CONTINUED)
17.
24 CONTINUED: 24


All the way down the wet cobblestone street, the BICYCLE MEN
are attaching signs to posts and clapboard walls. It’s too
shadowy to read what the signs say.

Finished, the men ride off like ghosts. As we watch...


25 NIGHT BECOMES DAY. 25

We CREEP IN as one, two, then fifteen TOWNSPEOPLE crowd
around to read one of the mysterious -- and wordy -- signs.

Short little Charlie Bucket squeezes his way to the front and
begins reading.

VARIOUS SHOTS of the sign and the many readers:

WONKA’S VOICE
Dear People of the World: I, Willy
Wonka, have decided to allow five
children to visit my factory this
year. These lucky five will be
shown around personally by me, and
will learn all the secrets and the
magic of my factory.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Fantasy","Adventure","Family"]

Summary Charlie witnesses bicyclists posting signs announcing Wonka's factory visit for five children, sparking excitement among the townspeople.
Strengths
  • Engaging concept
  • Intriguing plot setup
  • Whimsical tone
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development
  • Lack of emotional depth in dialogue

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively sets up the main plot of the story by introducing the invitation to visit the Wonka factory, creating intrigue and excitement for the audience.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a mysterious invitation to visit a magical factory is engaging and sets the stage for the adventure that will unfold.

Plot: 8

The plot moves forward by introducing the invitation and setting up the main conflict of the story, which is the visit to the Wonka factory.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces unique elements such as the mysterious signs, the phalanx of identically dressed bicyclists, and the magical transformation from night to day. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 7

While the focus is more on the concept and plot in this scene, the characters are introduced in a way that hints at their personalities and motivations.

Character Changes: 5

There are no significant character changes in this scene, as the focus is more on setting up the plot and introducing the invitation.

Internal Goal: 8

Charlie's internal goal in this scene is to discover the contents of the mysterious signs and potentially uncover the opportunity to visit Wonka's factory. This reflects his desire for adventure, curiosity, and a chance to escape his current circumstances.

External Goal: 7

Charlie's external goal is to decipher the meaning of the signs and potentially secure a spot to visit Wonka's factory. This goal is driven by the immediate challenge presented by the mysterious signs and the opportunity they represent.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

While there is a sense of mystery and anticipation, the conflict is not fully developed in this scene.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create tension and challenge the protagonist's goals, but not overwhelming to the point of predictability. The mysterious signs and the presence of the Bicycle Men add layers of complexity and intrigue.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are raised with the mysterious invitation to visit the Wonka factory, creating a sense of anticipation and excitement for the characters and the audience.

Story Forward: 9

The scene effectively moves the story forward by introducing the invitation and setting up the main conflict of the story.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected introduction of the mysterious signs, the phalanx of identically dressed bicyclists, and the magical transformation from night to day. The audience is left wondering about the significance of these elements.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the themes of curiosity, opportunity, and the unknown. It challenges Charlie's beliefs about his own potential and the possibilities that lie beyond his current circumstances.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a sense of curiosity and excitement, laying the groundwork for emotional engagement with the story.

Dialogue: 6

The dialogue serves mainly to convey information about the invitation and set up the next stage of the story, lacking in depth or emotional impact.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its mysterious and whimsical elements, the sense of anticipation and discovery, and the introduction of new characters and plot developments.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene effectively builds suspense and anticipation, transitioning smoothly between different locations and characters. The rhythm of the scene contributes to its effectiveness in engaging the audience.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings, descriptions, and dialogue. The formatting enhances the readability and flow of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format that effectively transitions between different locations and characters, building suspense and anticipation. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the scene's effectiveness.


Critique
  • The transition from Charlie looking out of his window to the scene outside the Wonka factory could be smoother and more seamless. Consider using a visual cue or sound effect to connect the two scenes more effectively.
  • The description of the young man on a bicycle and the other bicyclists feels a bit vague and lacks detail. Adding more specific descriptions could help paint a clearer picture for the audience.
  • The imagery of the men attaching signs to posts and walls is intriguing, but the significance of the signs and their mysterious nature could be emphasized more to create a sense of intrigue and anticipation.
  • The transition from night to day is abrupt and could be more visually engaging. Consider using lighting changes or other visual cues to enhance the transition and create a more dynamic shift in time.
  • The introduction of the Wonka's announcement through the sign is a pivotal moment in the scene, but the impact could be heightened by building up the suspense and excitement leading up to Charlie reading the sign.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a visual or auditory cue to smoothly transition from Charlie's perspective to the scene outside the Wonka factory.
  • Provide more detailed descriptions of the young man on the bicycle and the other bicyclists to enhance the visual imagery.
  • Emphasize the mysterious nature of the signs being attached to create a sense of anticipation and intrigue.
  • Enhance the transition from night to day with visual cues to make it more engaging and seamless.
  • Build up the suspense and excitement leading up to Charlie reading the sign by creating a sense of anticipation and mystery.



Scene 8 -  The Wonka Golden Ticket
26 EXT. WONKA FACTORY GATES - DAY 26

A TELEVISION REPORTER does a live feed, reading from the
proclamation. (Like all the technology we encounter, the
camera and microphone feel somewhat vintage.)

TELEVISION REPORTER
(reading)
Five Golden Tickets have been
hidden underneath the ordinary
wrapping paper of five ordinary
Wonka bars. These five candy bars
may be anywhere -- in any shop in
any street in any town in any
country in the world.


27 INT. A CANDY STORE IN TOKYO - DAY 27

A mob scene as JAPANESE SCHOOLGIRLS buy every Wonka bar in
sight. It looks like a piranha feeding frenzy.




(CONTINUED)
18.
27 CONTINUED: 27


WONKA’S VOICE
In addition, one of these children
shall receive a special prize
beyond anything you could ever
imagine. Good luck to you all, and
happy hunting!

The schoolgirls depart, leaving a dazed CANDY STORE OWNER and
empty shelves.


28 INT. GRANDPARENTS’ BEDROOM - DAY 28

Grandpa Joe has just heard the news from Charlie.

GRANDPA JOE
Wouldn't it be something, Charlie,
to open a bar of candy and see a
Golden Ticket inside!

CHARLIE
I know! But I only get one bar a
year, for my birthday.

His mother is listening from the doorway.

MOTHER
It's your birthday next week.

GRANDMA JOSEPHINE
You have as much chance as anybody
does.

GRANDPA GEORGE
Baldersnap! The kids who are going
to find the Golden Tickets are the
ones who can afford to buy candy
bars every day. Our Charlie gets
only one a year! He doesn't have a
chance!

GRANDMA JOSEPHINE
Everyone has a chance, Charlie.

GRANDPA GEORGE
Mark my words: The kid who finds
the first ticket will be fat, fat,
fat.

CUT TO:
19.




29 A STYLIZED, VINTAGE GLOBE 29

spins beneath us. As it slows, we SWOOP IN on Europe, where
a pin-marker reads: “DÜSSELDORF.”

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Fantasy","Adventure","Family"]

Summary A television reporter announces the Wonka Golden Ticket contest, leading to a worldwide frenzy of candy purchases. Despite their poverty, Grandpa Joe and the family discuss Charlie's chances of finding a Golden Ticket. The scene ends with the camera panning out to a vintage globe, focusing on Düsseldorf, Germany.
Strengths
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Introduction of exciting premise
  • Character dynamics and relationships
Weaknesses
  • Lack of overt conflict
  • Limited character development in this specific scene

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively sets up the central conflict of the story and builds anticipation for the upcoming events. The dialogue and character interactions are engaging, and the introduction of the Golden Ticket hunt adds a new layer of excitement to the plot.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the Golden Ticket hunt is a strong driving force for the narrative, creating a sense of mystery and adventure. It introduces a high-stakes element that propels the story forward and engages the audience.

Plot: 8

The plot advances significantly with the introduction of the Golden Ticket hunt, adding a new layer of complexity and intrigue to the story. The conflicting perspectives of the characters regarding the hunt create tension and anticipation.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a unique premise of a competition for Golden Tickets hidden in candy bars, blending elements of fantasy and adventure with everyday life. The characters' dialogue feels authentic and adds depth to the story.


Character Development

Characters: 7

The characters' reactions to the news of the Golden Ticket hunt reveal their personalities and motivations, adding depth to their individual arcs. The contrasting viewpoints of the grandparents provide insight into their relationships with Charlie.

Character Changes: 5

While there is not significant character development in this scene, the differing reactions of the characters to the news of the Golden Ticket hunt hint at potential growth and change in their perspectives and relationships as the story progresses.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to have a chance at finding a Golden Ticket despite the odds being against him. This reflects Charlie's desire for adventure, excitement, and a better life.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to find a Golden Ticket in a Wonka bar. This goal reflects the immediate challenge of competing with others to win a special prize.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

While there is not overt conflict in the scene, the differing opinions of the characters regarding the Golden Ticket hunt create internal tension and set the stage for future conflicts. The scene establishes the potential for competition and jealousy among the characters.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting beliefs and motivations among the characters creating obstacles for the protagonist.

High Stakes: 7

The high stakes of the Golden Ticket hunt are emphasized in the scene, creating a sense of urgency and competition among the characters. The potential rewards and consequences of finding a ticket raise the stakes and add tension to the story.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward significantly by introducing the central premise of the Golden Ticket hunt and setting up future events and conflicts. It establishes a clear goal for the characters and propels the narrative towards the next plot point.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it introduces unexpected challenges and conflicts for the protagonist, keeping the audience guessing about the outcome.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between the belief that everyone has a chance to find a Golden Ticket regardless of their circumstances, and the belief that only those who can afford to buy candy bars every day have a real chance. This challenges Charlie's values of fairness and hope.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a sense of nostalgia and excitement as the characters discuss the possibility of finding a Golden Ticket. The audience is drawn into the anticipation and hope surrounding the hunt, setting up emotional investment in the outcome.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue in the scene is engaging and reveals the characters' emotions and perspectives effectively. The interactions between the characters drive the plot forward and set up future conflicts and resolutions.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it sets up a high-stakes competition and introduces compelling characters with conflicting motivations.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and moving the story forward at a steady pace.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, effectively setting up the competition and introducing the characters' motivations and conflicts.


Critique
  • The transition from the television reporter announcing the Golden Ticket contest to the mob scene in a candy store in Tokyo feels a bit abrupt and disconnected.
  • The dialogue between the characters in the grandparents' bedroom lacks depth and emotional resonance, making it feel a bit flat.
  • The characterization of Grandpa George as dismissive and negative could be further developed to add more layers to his personality.
  • The scene lacks visual descriptions and details that could enhance the setting and atmosphere, making it feel a bit sparse.
  • The dialogue between the characters could be more engaging and dynamic to create a stronger connection with the audience.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a smoother transition between the different locations to improve the flow of the scene.
  • Enhance the dialogue between the characters to make it more engaging and reflective of their personalities.
  • Add more visual descriptions to paint a vivid picture of the setting and enhance the overall atmosphere of the scene.
  • Explore deeper emotional conflicts and tensions between the characters to create a more compelling and dynamic interaction.
  • Consider adding moments of humor or intrigue to make the scene more engaging and memorable.



Scene 9 -  The Golden Ticket Frenzy
30 INT. GERMAN SAUSAGE SHOP - DAY 30

AUGUSTUS GLOOP (9) is so enormously fat he looks as though he
has been blown up with a powerful pump. Great flabby folds
of fat bulge out from every part of his body. His face
resembles a monstrous ball of dough with two small greedy
raisin eyes peering out upon the world.

Augustus is telling his story to a pack of REPORTERS.

AUGUSTUS
I am eating ze Vonka bar, und I
taste something that is not
chocolate or coconut or valnut or
peanut butter or nougat...

As he talks, we INTERCUT with...


31 FLASHBACK FOOTAGE 31

of Augustus trying to figure out what the taste in his mouth
is.


32 BACK TO SCENE 32

AUGUSTUS
...or butterbrittle or caramel or
schprinkels, zo I look und I find
ze Golden Ticket.

He holds it up. Indeed, there are teeth marks on it.

REPORTER
Augustus, how did you celebrate?

AUGUSTUS
I eat more candy!

CUT TO:
20.




33 THE GLOOP PARENTS. 33

They’re standing behind the sausage counter. MR. GLOOP, a
barrel-chested man with a handlebar mustache, is twisting
bratwurst links as they come out of the casing machine.

MRS. GLOOP, a bubbly woman who knits all her own sweaters,
talks to the reporters. In the background, Augustus is
eating another candy bar.

MRS. GLOOP
Vee knew Augustus vould find a
Golden Ticket. He eats so many
candy bars a day, that it was not
possible for him not to find one.

CLOSE ON AUGUSTUS

He smiles, his mouth ringed with chocolate. Off a
photographer’s FLASH, we...

CUT TO:


34 INT. GRANDPARENTS’ BEDROOM - DAY 34

GRANDPA GEORGE
Told you it would be a porker!

Grandpa George hands a tattered newspaper back to Charlie.
The front page has the photo of porcine Augustus Gloop.

GRANDMA JOSEPHINE
What a repulsive boy.

CHARLIE
Only four Golden Tickets left.

GRANDPA JOE
Now that they’ve found one, it’ll
really get crazy.

CUT TO:


35 INT. BOUTIQUE DEPARTMENT STORE - DAY 35

The kind of place that would never sell candy -- normally.
Now fully grown WOMEN buy ten Wonka candy bars at a time,
then tear off the wrappers on the spot to search for a glint
of golden paper.
21.




36 INT. SOME KID’S BEDROOM - DAY 36

A BOY and GIRL smash their piggy banks with hammers.


37 EXT. BACK ROOM - DAY 37

A BOXCUTTER slices through a cardboard Wonka shipping box.
Twenty hands reach in to grab the bars.


38 INT. PALO ALTO SUPERMARKET - DAY 38

A famous scientist, PROFESSOR FOULBODY, demonstrates his
brilliant machine to excited SHOPPERS and members of the
PRESS.

PROFESSOR FOULBODY
My device will find a Golden Ticket
without even opening the wrapper.

He switches it on.

The machine’s mechanical arm shoots out with tremendous
force, grabbing at Wonka bars on the shelf. It picks up each
one, then tosses it aside. Repeating the process at
remarkable speed.

PROFESSOR FOULBODY (CONT’D)
The sophisticated sensors can
detect even tiny amounts of gold.

Indeed, the arm picks up a small gold coin hidden among the
bars, depositing it into a little bin.

The crowd APPLAUDS. Finished with the shelf, the arm whips
around. It isn’t finished yet.

We FOCUS IN on a WOMAN’S GOLD NECKLACE. She SCREAMS as the
arm yanks her necklace off, placing it in the bin.

PROFESSOR FOULBODY (CONT’D)
Oh, dear!

The crowd panics, trying to scoot back. We look into ONE
MAN’S screaming mouth, spotting the glint of a GOLD FILLING.

The machine sees it, too. It grabs the poor man by the jaw,
pulling him into the bin.

CUT TO:
22.




39 THE VINTAGE GLOBE 39

spinning once again. This time, we land on England, and a
marker labelled: “BUCKINGHAMSHIRE.”

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Fantasy","Adventure","Comedy"]

Summary Augustus Gloop, a gluttonous boy, proudly displays his bitten Golden Ticket, sparking pandemonium worldwide as people frantically search for their own. Meanwhile, a scientist's machine designed to detect Golden Tickets without unwrapping the bars goes haywire, attacking bystanders in a chaotic scene.
Strengths
  • Humorous dialogue
  • Unique and quirky characters
  • Engaging plot progression
Weaknesses
  • Lack of emotional depth
  • Limited character development

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively captures the chaotic and humorous atmosphere of the Golden Ticket craze, engaging the audience with its whimsical and satirical elements.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the Golden Ticket contest and the various ways people are trying to find them is intriguing and drives the plot forward, adding depth to the story.

Plot: 7

The plot is fast-paced and entertaining, focusing on the search for the Golden Tickets and the eccentric characters involved in the contest.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces unique characters and situations, such as the portrayal of Augustus Gloop and the Golden Ticket contest, with authentic dialogue that captures the essence of each character.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters like Augustus Gloop and Professor Foulbody are unique, quirky, and add humor to the scene. Their distinct personalities enhance the overall tone of the scene.

Character Changes: 4

There is minimal character development or change in this scene, as the focus is more on the chaotic events surrounding the Golden Ticket craze.

Internal Goal: 8

Augustus Gloop's internal goal is to find the Golden Ticket in the candy bar, reflecting his desire for recognition and validation through winning the contest.

External Goal: 7

Augustus Gloop's external goal is to celebrate finding the Golden Ticket by eating more candy, reflecting his immediate circumstances and indulgent nature.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

There is a mild conflict in the scene as characters compete to find the Golden Tickets, but it is mostly lighthearted and comedic.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with characters facing obstacles and challenges that add tension and unpredictability to the narrative.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are relatively high for the characters involved in the Golden Ticket contest, as it represents a chance to visit the mysterious Wonka factory and potentially change their lives.

Story Forward: 8

The scene significantly moves the story forward by introducing new characters, escalating the competition for the Golden Tickets, and setting the stage for future events.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected actions of characters, such as Professor Foulbody's machine causing chaos in the supermarket.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the juxtaposition of indulgence and gluttony against moderation and self-control. This challenges Augustus Gloop's beliefs and values regarding consumption and excess.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 5

The scene focuses more on humor and satire than emotional depth, providing entertainment and amusement to the audience.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is witty and humorous, reflecting the quirky nature of the characters and the absurdity of the situation.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its humor, fast-paced storytelling, and introduction of intriguing characters and plot developments.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining a lively and engaging rhythm, transitioning smoothly between different locations and characters.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with proper scene headings, character descriptions, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format with clear scene transitions and intercutting between different locations, maintaining coherence and pacing.


Critique
  • The scene introduces Augustus Gloop in a German sausage shop, but the transition from the previous scene is a bit abrupt and could be smoother.
  • The description of Augustus Gloop is vivid and paints a clear picture of his character, but it could be more concise to keep the scene moving.
  • The dialogue between Augustus and the reporters feels a bit cliched and could be more engaging or unique.
  • The flashback footage adds depth to the scene, but the transition back to the present could be smoother.
  • The interaction between Augustus and the reporters, as well as his parents, feels a bit one-dimensional and could benefit from more depth and complexity.
  • The scene shifts to Charlie's grandparents' bedroom, which provides a different perspective, but the connection to the previous scenes could be strengthened.
  • The various locations and characters introduced in quick succession create a sense of chaos, which may be intentional but could be overwhelming for the audience.
  • The scene ends with a humorous yet chaotic demonstration of a machine to find Golden Tickets, which adds a comedic element but may feel disconnected from the rest of the scene.
  • The transition to the vintage globe and the marker on England feels random and could be tied back to the main narrative more effectively.
Suggestions
  • Consider refining the transitions between scenes to create a more cohesive flow.
  • Focus on developing more nuanced and engaging dialogue for the characters to add depth to their interactions.
  • Introduce a stronger thematic connection between the scenes to enhance the overall coherence of the script.
  • Explore ways to balance the chaotic and humorous elements with a more cohesive narrative structure.
  • Consider revisiting the ending of the scene to ensure it ties back to the main storyline and sets up the next sequence effectively.



Scene 10 -  Veruca Salt's Golden Ticket
40 INT. COUNTRY MANSION - DAY 40

VERUCA SALT (9) stands atop a grand piano, waving the Golden
Ticket above her head as she grins from ear to ear. She’s
delighted to have so many PHOTOGRAPHERS snapping her picture.

VERUCA
V-E-R-U-C-A. Veruca Salt.

With the face of an angel, Veruca can be charming and
friendly as long as everyone agrees that the universe
revolves around her. Question that cosmology, and she
reveals herself to be a spoiled hellion, who will stop at
nothing until she gets exactly what she wants.

MR. SALT (55) is an old-monied nut baron, first cousin to the
monocled Monopoly tycoon, with a fuddy-duddy accent and a
fondness for idiotic platitudes. Lovely Veruca is the apple
of his eye. He overlooks her tantrums and cruelty.

With his teetering, martini-swilling WIFE on his arm, he
talks to the reporters:

MR. SALT
As soon as my little Veruca told me
that she had to have one of these
Golden Tickets, I started buying up
all the Wonka candy bars I could
lay my hands on! Thousands of
them. Hundreds of thousands! I
had them loaded onto trucks and
sent directly to my own factory.


41 INT. SALT NUT FACTORY - DAY [PAST] 41

Trucks unload cases and cases of Wonka bars. We follow the
boxes as they are unloaded onto a conveyor belt, where dozens
of HAIRNET-WEARING WOMEN are lined up to begin work.

MR. SALT (V.O.)
I'm in the nut business, you see,
So I say to my workers...


(CONTINUED)
23.
41 CONTINUED: 41


REVEAL Mr. Salt, giving the marching orders:

MR. SALT
Good morning, ladies. From now on
you can stop shelling peanuts and
start shelling the wrappers off
these candy bars instead!

As ordered, they begin ripping the wrappers off the chocolate
bars. They toss the chocolate into trash bins.

MR. SALT (V.O.)
Three days went by, and we had no
luck. Oh, it was terrible! My
little Veruca got more and more
upset each day and every time I
went home she would scream at me...

CUT TO:


42 INT. COUNTRY MANSION - DAY [PAST] 42

Veruca is throwing an epic tantrum.

VERUCA
Where's my Golden Ticket! I want
my Golden Ticket!

BACK TO:


43 INT. COUNTRY MANSION - DAY [PRESENT] 43

MR. SALT
Well, gentlemen, I just hated to
see my little girl feeling unhappy
like that. I vowed I would keep up
the search until I could give her
what she wanted. And finally, we
found her a ticket.


44 INT. COUNTRY MANSION - DAY [PAST] 44

Mr. Salt hands Veruca the shiny gold ticket. For just a
moment, she is lovely again. Radiant. She looks into her
father’s eyes and says:




(CONTINUED)
24.
44 CONTINUED: 44


VERUCA
Daddy...I want another pony!

CUT TO:


45 INT. GRANDPARENTS’ BEDROOM - NIGHT 45

Disgusted, Grandpa Joe tosses the paper aside.

GRANDPA GEORGE
She’s even worse than the fat boy.

CHARLIE
I don't think that was really fair.
She didn't find the ticket herself.

GRANDPA JOE
Don't worry about it, Charlie.
That man spoils his daughter. And
no good can ever come from spoiling
a child like that, Charlie, you
mark my words.

Charlie’s Mother and Father are at the door.

FATHER
Charlie, your Mom and I thought
maybe you’d like to open your
birthday present tonight.

She hands Charlie a package wrapped in old Sunday comics.
Although it’s obviously the right shape, he tears back the
paper just to be sure -- it’s really a Wonka bar.

CHARLIE
Maybe I should wait ‘til morning.

GRANDPA GEORGE
Like Hell!

FATHER
Pop!

GRANDPA JOE
All together, we’re 381 years old.
We don’t wait.

Charlie smiles nervously and sits down on the edge of the
bed. He holds his present, his only present, very carefully
in two hands: WONKA'S WHIPPLE-SCRUMPTIOUS FUDGEMALLOW
DELIGHT.


(CONTINUED)
25.
45 CONTINUED: 45


The four old people, two at either end of the bed, prop
themselves up on their pillows and stare with anxious eyes at
the candy bar in Charlie's hands.

The room is silent. Everybody waits for Charlie to start
opening his present. Charlie looks down at the candy bar.
He runs his fingers slowly back and forth along the length of
it, stroking it lovingly. The shiny paper wrapper makes
little sharp CRACKLY NOISES in the quiet room.

MOTHER
You mustn't be too disappointed,
Charlie, if you don't find, well...

FATHER
Whatever happens, you'll still have
the candy.

Suddenly, Grandpa Joe starts making strange GURGLING, CHOKING
NOISES. Everyone looks over, worried.

CHARLIE
Grandpa George, are you alright?

GRANDPA JOE
No, you’re killing me! Open it!

Very slowly, Charlie's fingers tear open one small corner of
the wrapping paper. The old people in the bed all lean
forward and crane their scraggy necks.

Then suddenly, Charlie tears the wrapper right down the
middle. Onto his lap falls a light-brown creamy-colored
chocolate candy bar. And nothing else.

GRANDPA JOE (CONT’D)
Well, that’s that. It's just what
we expected.

Charlie looks up. Four kind old faces watch him intently
from the bed. He smiles at them, a small sad smile, and then
he shrugs his shoulders.

CHARLIE
We'll share it.

GRANDPA JOE
No, Charlie. Not your birthday
present.




(CONTINUED)
26.
45 CONTINUED: (2) 45


CHARLIE
It’s my candy bar and I’ll do what
I want with it.

He SNAPS the bar into seven pieces. The grown-ups share a
look -- Charlie really is one of a kind.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Family","Fantasy","Comedy"]

Summary Veruca Salt flaunts her Golden Ticket while her father recounts buying countless candy bars to find it. Charlie's grandparents disapprove, but Charlie shares his Wonka Bar with them despite not having a ticket, demonstrating his kindness amidst Veruca's selfishness.
Strengths
  • Effective character development
  • Clear contrast between characters
  • Engaging dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Limited action
  • Low stakes

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively showcases the contrasting characters of Veruca Salt and Charlie, setting up a clear conflict and resolution. It also introduces the theme of generosity and selflessness, adding depth to the characters.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of contrasting parenting styles and the theme of generosity are well-developed in this scene, providing insight into the characters and setting up potential conflicts.

Plot: 7

The plot advances as Veruca finds the Golden Ticket through her father's efforts, setting up a contrast with Charlie's more humble approach to the situation.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces unique characters and explores themes of entitlement, greed, and selflessness in a fresh and engaging way. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Veruca Salt and Charlie are well-defined and their actions in the scene showcase their personalities effectively. The grandparents also add depth to the family dynamic.

Character Changes: 7

While Veruca remains consistent in her behavior, Charlie's act of sharing his birthday present shows a small but significant change in his character.

Internal Goal: 8

Veruca's internal goal is to receive validation and attention from her father, Mr. Salt, by getting what she wants, in this case, another pony. This reflects her deeper need for love and approval.

External Goal: 7

Veruca's external goal is to obtain the Golden Ticket, which represents her desire for material possessions and status. This reflects the immediate challenge of competition and scarcity in the hunt for the ticket.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict between Veruca's entitled behavior and Charlie's selfless act creates tension and sets up a moral dilemma.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting desires and motivations driving the character interactions. The audience is left unsure of how the conflicts will be resolved.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes are relatively low in this scene, focusing more on character development and themes of generosity.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by introducing the fourth Golden Ticket winner and highlighting the different approaches to finding the ticket.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected actions and decisions made by the characters, keeping the audience on their toes.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the clash between selfishness and selflessness. Veruca's selfish desire for another pony contrasts with Charlie's selfless act of sharing his birthday present.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes emotions of empathy towards Charlie and frustration towards Veruca, engaging the audience in the characters' struggles.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue effectively conveys the contrasting personalities of the characters and sets up the conflict between them.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the dynamic character interactions, moral dilemmas, and suspenseful moments. The audience is drawn into the conflicts and resolutions.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, leading to a satisfying resolution. The rhythm of the dialogue and actions enhances the overall effectiveness of the scene.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings, descriptions, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with well-defined character arcs and thematic development. It effectively sets up conflicts and resolutions.


Critique
  • The scene introduces Veruca Salt and her father, Mr. Salt, in a manner that clearly establishes their characters and dynamic. Veruca is portrayed as a spoiled and demanding child, while Mr. Salt is indulgent and willing to go to great lengths to fulfill her desires. This sets up a clear conflict between Veruca's entitlement and her father's willingness to cater to her every whim.
  • The flashback to Mr. Salt's factory where he has his workers unwrap countless Wonka bars in search of a Golden Ticket adds depth to the character and showcases the extent of his efforts to please Veruca. This also highlights the theme of obsession and the lengths people will go to in pursuit of their desires.
  • The transition between past and present scenes effectively shows the progression of events leading up to Veruca finding the Golden Ticket. It provides insight into Veruca's character and her relationship with her father, as well as the impact of her demanding nature on those around her.
  • The scene also sets up a contrast between Veruca's materialistic desires and Charlie's humble and selfless nature. This contrast adds depth to the characters and sets the stage for future interactions between them.
  • Overall, the scene effectively establishes the characters of Veruca and Mr. Salt, sets up conflicts and contrasts with other characters, and advances the plot by showing the discovery of the Golden Ticket.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more depth to Mr. Salt's character to explore his motivations and the impact of his actions on Veruca.
  • Explore the dynamic between Veruca and her father further to add complexity to their relationship.
  • Provide more context or backstory to Veruca's behavior to give insight into her entitled nature.
  • Consider incorporating more interactions between Veruca and other characters to showcase different aspects of her personality.
  • Continue to highlight the contrast between Veruca and Charlie to emphasize the themes of selflessness and entitlement.



Scene 11 -  Golden Ticket Pursuit
46 EXT. STREET CORNER NEWSTAND - DAY 46

A BUSINESSMAN holds the morning paper up to read the inside.
On the front page, the headlines scream:

TWO GOLDEN TICKETS FOUND
Only one ticket left

Finished reading, the businessman half-folds his paper and
drops it in a nearby bin. Before it hits bottom, Charlie
catches it and reads the headline.

CUT TO:


47 INT. GRANDPARENTS’ BEDROOM - DAY 47

GRANDPA JOE
All right, let's hear who found
them.

Mr. Bucket holds the newspaper up close to his face because
his eyes are bad and he can't afford glasses.

MR. BUCKET
The third ticket was found by Miss
Violet Beauregarde.

CUT TO:


48 THE VINTAGE GLOBE 48

back in motion. This time, we slow on the East Coast of
America, finding a marker for: “ATLANTA.”

CUT TO:
27.




49 INT. GYM - DAY 49

A ten-year old girl in a karate outfit SMASHES boards with
her hands and feet before flipping two INSTRUCTORS. She
bows, then rises into a CLOSE-UP.

VIOLET BEAUREGARDE is a class-5 hurricane compressed in the
body of an eleven-year old girl. Brash, rude and insanely
competitive, she chews ferociously upon a piece of gum.

CUT TO:


50 INT. BEAUREGARDE LIVINGROOM - DAY 50

MS. BEAUREGARDE is Violet's cheerleader, manager, publicist
and chauffeur. Rarely, however, is she a mother. Her
parenting is mostly confined to stoking her daughter's self-
esteem bonfire.

She and Violet stand in front of a massive wall of glittering
trophies. We INTERCUT between their interviews. [Ms.
Beauregarde speaks like a glamorous Southern belle, while
Violet adds an annoying “up-talk” that makes every sentence
sound like a question.]

MS. BEAUREGARDE
These are just some of the 263
trophies and medals my Violet has
won.


51 INTERCUT VIOLET 51

VIOLET
I'm a gumchewer, mostly, but when I
heard about these ticket things, I
laid off the gum and switched to
candy bars.

CUT TO:

MS. BEAUREGARDE
She is just a driven young woman.
I don’t know what it is about her.

CUT TO:

Violet is holding a jaw-shaped trophy.




(CONTINUED)
28.
51 CONTINUED: 51


VIOLET
I’m the junior world-champion gum
chewer. This piece of gum I'm
chewing I've been working on for
over three months solid. That's a
record.

CUT TO:

MS. BEAUREGARDE
Of course, I did have my share of
trophies. Mostly baton.

CUT TO:

VIOLET
So it says that one kid is going to
get a special prize better than all
the rest. I don’t care who the
other four are. That kid is going
to be me.

MS. BEAUREGARDE
Tell ‘em why, Violet.

VIOLET
Because I’m a winner.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Family","Adventure","Comedy"]

Summary Billionaire Willy Wonka's golden ticket discovery is printed in the newspaper, prompting excitement. Grandpa Joe reveals the third ticket was found by Violet Beauregarde, a competitive child determined to win the final one.
Strengths
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Well-defined characters
  • Intriguing concept
Weaknesses
  • Limited emotional depth
  • Slightly predictable plot progression

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively introduces a new character, Violet Beauregarde, and sets up her competitive nature and desire to win the special prize. The dialogue and interactions between Violet and her mother are engaging and provide depth to the characters.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the Golden Ticket contest and the introduction of a new winner add intrigue and excitement to the story. Violet's unique personality and background contribute to the overall concept of the scene.

Plot: 7

The plot progresses as the third Golden Ticket winner is revealed, adding another layer of competition and conflict to the story. Violet's introduction sets up potential conflicts and interactions with the other characters.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces unique characters and situations, such as a junior world-champion gum chewer and a competitive mother-daughter relationship. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 9

Violet Beauregarde is a well-defined character with a strong personality and clear motivations. Her mother adds depth to the scene and provides insight into Violet's upbringing and competitive nature.

Character Changes: 6

Violet's character undergoes some development as her competitive nature and determination are highlighted. Her interactions with her mother provide insight into her background and motivations.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to prove herself as a winner and secure the last golden ticket. This reflects her desire for recognition, validation, and success.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to win the last golden ticket and be the special prize winner. This reflects the immediate challenge of competition and achievement.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

There is a moderate level of conflict in the scene, primarily driven by Violet's competitive nature and her interactions with her mother. The competition for the final Golden Ticket adds tension and conflict to the story.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with characters facing challenges and conflicts that add depth to the narrative.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are moderately high as the competition for the final Golden Ticket intensifies with the introduction of Violet Beauregarde. Her determination to win the special prize adds tension and excitement to the story.

Story Forward: 8

The scene effectively moves the story forward by introducing the third Golden Ticket winner and setting up potential conflicts and interactions with the other characters. Violet's introduction adds a new layer of competition and intrigue to the narrative.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in character motivations and interactions.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the value of competition and success versus genuine relationships and family bonds. Violet's mother prioritizes her daughter's achievements over their relationship as mother and daughter.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The scene has a moderate emotional impact, primarily driven by Violet's determination and competitive spirit. The dynamic between Violet and her mother adds depth to the characters and evokes some emotional response.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue between Violet and her mother is engaging and reveals important information about Violet's character and motivations. Violet's confident and competitive tone adds depth to her personality.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the dynamic characters, witty dialogue, and the sense of competition and anticipation.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and anticipation for the upcoming competition.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings and character descriptions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear transitions between locations and character introductions.


Critique
  • The scene transitions abruptly from a businessman discarding the newspaper to Charlie catching it, which feels disjointed and could be smoother.
  • The introduction of Violet Beauregarde and her mother feels rushed and lacks depth in character development.
  • The dialogue between Violet and her mother comes across as forced and lacks authenticity.
  • The scene lacks a clear connection to the previous scenes and feels disconnected from the overall narrative.
  • There is a lack of emotional depth or impact in the scene, making it feel flat and unengaging.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a smoother transition between the businessman discarding the newspaper and Charlie catching it to improve the flow of the scene.
  • Take more time to develop the characters of Violet Beauregarde and her mother to make them more relatable and interesting.
  • Work on making the dialogue between Violet and her mother more natural and authentic to enhance the scene's realism.
  • Try to establish a stronger connection to the previous scenes to maintain continuity and coherence in the narrative.
  • Add more emotional depth and impact to the scene to engage the audience and create a more compelling story.



Scene 12 -  The Fourth Golden Ticket
52 INT. THE GRANDPARENTS’ BEDROOM - DAY 52

GRANDMA JOSEPHINE
What a beastly girl.

GRANDMA GEORGINA
Despicable!

GRANDPA GEORGE
You don’t know what we’re talking
about!

GRANDMA GEORGINA
(venturing a guess)
Dragonflies?

GRANDPA JOE
And who got the fourth Golden
Ticket?




(CONTINUED)
29.
52 CONTINUED: 52


MR. BUCKET
(reads newspaper)
The fourth Golden Ticket was found
by a boy named Mike Teavee.

CUT TO:


53 THE VINTAGE GLOBE 53

swirling below us. This time, we sweep across the U.S. to
find a marker in the Midwest for: “DENVER.”

CUT TO:


54 INT. MIKE TEAVEE’S BEDROOM - DAY 54

MIKE TEAVEE, 13, looks right past camera, leaning left and
right to get a better view of the absurdly violent videogame
he’s playing on his own television.

The intellectual equivalent of a grade-school bully, Mike
lords his cleverness over those around him and is always the
first to point out gaps in logic.

MIKE
All you had to do is track the
manufacturing dates, hack into the
distribution flow rate data and
take the derivative of the costing
formula offset by weather and the
Nikkei index. A retard could
figure it out.

In the bedroom doorway, Mike’s dad MR. TEAVEE talks to
reporters. He’s a pale, simple sort of man, happy enough to
spend Sunday in the la-z-boy watching the game.

MR. TEAVEE
Most of the time, I don’t know what
he’s talking about. Kids these
days, what with all the
technology...

Mike jams the buttons on his videogame controller.

MIKE
Die! Die! Die!




(CONTINUED)
30.
54 CONTINUED: 54


MR. TEAVEE
...doesn’t seem like they stay kids
very long.

Finished killing the level boss, Mike continues his story:

MIKE
In the end, I only had to buy one
candy bar.

REPORTER
And how did it taste?

MIKE
I don’t know. I hate chocolate.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Fantasy","Adventure","Family"]

Summary Grandpa Joe reads the newspaper and reveals that the fourth Golden Ticket was found by Mike Teavee, a 13-year-old boy from Denver. Mike is shown playing a violent video game and bragging about his intelligence.
Strengths
  • Engaging concept
  • Colorful characters
  • Humorous dialogue
  • Social commentary
Weaknesses
  • Limited emotional depth
  • Some characters lack depth

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively introduces the concept of the Golden Tickets and sets up the competition among the characters, while also providing humor and social commentary.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of the Golden Tickets and the eccentric characters are engaging and set the stage for the rest of the story.

Plot: 8

The plot moves forward with the discovery of the Golden Tickets and the introduction of the main characters, setting up the conflict and competition.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the generational conflict trope by incorporating technology and gaming as central elements. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and relevant to the modern setting.


Character Development

Characters: 7

The characters are colorful and distinct, each with their own motivations and quirks, adding depth to the story.

Character Changes: 6

While there are hints of character development, such as Charlie's disappointment and determination, the scene is more focused on introducing the characters and setting up the plot.

Internal Goal: 8

Mike Teavee's internal goal in this scene is to assert his intelligence and superiority over others, showcasing his knowledge and skills in technology and gaming. This reflects his deeper need for validation and recognition of his intellect.

External Goal: 7

Mike Teavee's external goal in this scene is to entertain himself by playing the violent video game and to impress the reporters with his intelligence. This reflects the immediate circumstances of being interviewed about finding the Golden Ticket.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict arises from the competition for the Golden Tickets and the contrasting personalities of the characters, adding tension and humor to the scene.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create conflict and tension, but not overwhelming to the point of overshadowing the character development and dialogue.

High Stakes: 7

The high stakes of finding the Golden Tickets and the competitive nature of the characters add tension and excitement to the scene.

Story Forward: 8

The scene effectively moves the story forward by introducing the Golden Tickets, the characters, and the competition, setting the stage for the rest of the narrative.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in dialogue and character interactions, keeping the audience on their toes.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the clash between traditional values represented by the grandparents and the modern, technology-driven values represented by Mike Teavee. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs about intelligence, communication, and generational differences.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The scene elicits a range of emotions from amusement to disdain, but the emotional impact is not the primary focus.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is witty and humorous, reflecting the personalities of the characters and adding to the satirical tone of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the dynamic interactions between the characters, the humor in the dialogue, and the underlying tension between the generations.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a good balance of dialogue, action, and description that keeps the audience engaged and invested in the characters.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene adheres to the standard screenplay format, making it easy to follow and visualize.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for a character-driven, dialogue-heavy scene, effectively building tension and conflict.


Critique
  • The dialogue in this scene lacks depth and complexity, with characters making generic statements about the despicable girl and the boy who found the Golden Ticket.
  • The character descriptions are somewhat stereotypical, with Mike Teavee being portrayed as an intellectual bully and his father as a simple man who doesn't understand technology.
  • The scene transitions feel abrupt and disjointed, jumping from the grandparents' bedroom to the vintage globe to Mike Teavee's bedroom without a clear connection.
  • The dialogue between Mike Teavee and his father lacks subtlety and nuance, relying on cliched interactions between a tech-savvy teenager and a clueless parent.
  • The scene lacks emotional depth and fails to engage the audience in a meaningful way.
Suggestions
  • Add more depth to the characters by exploring their motivations, fears, and desires in a more nuanced way.
  • Improve the transitions between scenes to create a more cohesive narrative flow.
  • Enhance the dialogue to make it more engaging and reflective of the characters' personalities and relationships.
  • Consider adding subtext and layers to the interactions between characters to create a more compelling and realistic portrayal of human behavior.
  • Focus on creating a more emotionally resonant scene that connects with the audience on a deeper level.



Scene 13 -  The Toothpaste Factory's Fall
55 INT. GRANDPARENTS’ BEDROOM - DAY 55

GRANDPA GEORGE
Well, it’s a good thing you’re
going to a CHOCOLATE FACTORY, you
ungrateful little...

Father quickly puts his hands over Charlie’s ears.
Everything goes SILENT while Grandpa George continues his
obscenity-filled tirade. The old man finally stops. Father
takes his hands off Charlie’s ears.

CHARLIE
Dad?

FATHER
Yup?

CHARLIE
Why aren’t you at work?

FATHER
Oh. The toothpaste factory gave me
some time off.

CHARLIE
Like summer vacation?

FATHER
Sure. Like that.

Charlie doesn’t catch it, but the small wince in Father’s
expression betrays this as untrue.


(CONTINUED)
31.
55 CONTINUED: 55


NARRATOR (V.O.)
In fact, it wasn’t like vacation at
all.


56 INT. TOOTHPASTE FACTORY - DAY [PAST] 56

Father watches as TECHNICIANS install a toothpaste-cap-
twisting machine.

NARRATOR (V.O.)
The upswing in candy sales had led
to a rise in cavities, which led to
a rise in toothpaste sales.

Genuinely sorry, the FACTORY SUPERVISOR hands father a
literal pink slip.

NARRATOR (V.O.) (CONT’D)
With the extra money, the factory
had decided to modernize,
eliminating Mr. Bucket’s job.


57 EXT. THE LITTLE HOUSE - DAY 57

Mother and Father have a private conversation, keeping their
voices low. Father in particular is discouraged.

FATHER
We were barely making ends meet as
it was.

MOTHER
You’ll find another job. Until
then, I’ll just thin down the soup
a little more.

Father is not convinced, but is helpless to offer any other
alternative.

MOTHER (CONT’D)
Don’t worry, our luck will change,
I know it.

Looking back to the front door, we find Charlie has been
listening to the conversation. On his face, we see a look of
worry no child should carry.
32.
Genres: ["Family","Drama"]

Summary Charlie's grandfather rants against the chocolate factory while his father covers his ears. Father lies to Charlie about being on vacation, but Charlie overhears a conversation between his parents and learns the truth about his father's job loss. The scene ends with Charlie looking worried.
Strengths
  • Strong emotional resonance
  • Well-defined characters
  • Engaging concept
Weaknesses
  • Lack of external action
  • Limited character development in this specific scene

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively sets up the challenges faced by the Bucket family, creates a sense of empathy for the characters, and introduces themes that will likely be explored further in the story.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of economic hardship and the contrast between the fantastical world of Willy Wonka and the harsh reality of the Bucket family's life is well-developed and engaging.

Plot: 7

The plot moves forward by showing the impact of the Wonka contest on the Bucket family and sets up potential conflicts and character arcs.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the classic theme of family struggles, with a unique setting in a toothpaste factory and a focus on the impact of economic changes on personal relationships. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-defined, with clear motivations and emotions that drive the scene forward.

Character Changes: 6

While there is not a significant character change in this scene, the setup for potential growth and development is clear.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to understand and come to terms with his father's job loss and the impact it has on their family. This reflects his deeper need for stability and security, as well as his fear of the unknown future.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to navigate the changes in his family's financial situation and support his parents emotionally. This reflects the immediate challenge of dealing with adversity and uncertainty.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

The conflict is more internal and emotional in this scene, focusing on the struggles of the Bucket family rather than external action.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing significant challenges and obstacles in his family life. The uncertainty of the future and the impact of job loss create a sense of conflict and tension.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes are high for the Bucket family in terms of their financial struggles and the potential opportunity presented by the Wonka contest.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by establishing the challenges faced by the Bucket family and setting up the context for the Wonka contest.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it introduces unexpected twists in the protagonist's family life, challenging the audience's expectations and creating tension.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the clash between the protagonist's innocence and the harsh realities of adult life, such as job loss and financial struggles. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs in the fairness of the world and the stability of his family.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a strong emotional response from the audience, particularly in relation to the Bucket family's hardships.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue effectively conveys the emotions and struggles of the characters, setting the tone for the rest of the story.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it combines emotional depth with relatable family dynamics, drawing the audience into the characters' struggles and relationships.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotional resonance, with well-timed reveals and character interactions. It contributes to the scene's effectiveness by maintaining a balance between dialogue and action.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings and descriptive action lines. It enhances the readability and visual impact of the scene.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene effectively transitions between different locations and time periods, maintaining a cohesive narrative flow. It follows the expected structure for its genre of family drama.


Critique
  • The transition from the previous scene to this one feels a bit abrupt and disconnected. It might be helpful to have a smoother transition to set the tone for the new scene.
  • The dialogue between Grandpa George and Father, while adding some tension, feels a bit forced and unnatural. It could be more effective with a more subtle approach.
  • The revelation of Father losing his job at the toothpaste factory due to modernization is an interesting plot point, but it could be explored further to add depth to the character and the story.
  • The interaction between Mother and Father about the job loss and their financial struggles is a crucial moment, but the emotional impact could be heightened with more nuanced dialogue and character development.
  • Charlie's reaction to overhearing his parents' conversation is a key moment that could be portrayed with more depth and emotion to draw the audience in.
Suggestions
  • Consider a smoother transition from the previous scene to set the tone for the new scene.
  • Refine the dialogue between Grandpa George and Father to make it feel more natural and less forced.
  • Explore Father's job loss at the toothpaste factory in more detail to add depth to the character and the story.
  • Enhance the emotional impact of the conversation between Mother and Father about their financial struggles through more nuanced dialogue and character development.
  • Portray Charlie's reaction to overhearing his parents' conversation with more depth and emotion to engage the audience.



Scene 14 -  A Last Fling at the Golden Ticket
58 INT. THE GRANDPARENTS’ BEDROOM - DAY 58

Grandpa Joe is awake. The other three SNORE loudly. Seeing
that the coast is clear, Grandpa Joe beckons Charlie to come
here.

Charlie tiptoes over and stands beside the bed. The old man
gives Charlie a sly grin, and then rummages under his pillow.
He reveals an ancient leather coin purse clutched in his
fingers.

Out falls a single silver dollar.

GRANDPA JOE
(whispering)
It's my secret hoard. You and I
are going to have one more fling at
finding that last ticket.

CHARLIE
Are you sure you want to spend your
money on that, Grandpa?

GRANDPA JOE
Of course I'm sure! Here -- run
down to the nearest store and buy
the first Wonka candy bar you see.
Bring it straight back, and we'll
open it together.

Charlie dutifully takes the coin and runs off. Grandpa Joe
looks proudly after his little grandson.

GRANDPA JOE (CONT’D)
(to himself)
Such a good boy, really. Such a...

His eyelids get heavy. Still propped up on an elbow, he
closes his eyes for just a second.


59 SUDDENLY... 59

CHARLIE
(whispering)
Grandpa!

Grandpa Joe is startled awake, completely disoriented.

CHARLIE (CONT’D)
You fell asleep.


(CONTINUED)
33.
59 CONTINUED: 59


GRANDPA JOE
Have you got it?

Charlie nods and holds out the bar of candy -- WONKA'S NUTTY
CRUNCH SURPRISE.

The old man's fingers tremble as they fumble with the candy
bar.

GRANDPA JOE (CONT’D)
Which end do you think I ought to
open first?

CHARLIE
Just do it quick. Like a Band-Aid.

Steeling himself up, Grandpa Joe suddenly rips the entire
wrapper off. Both he and Charlie have their eyes closed.

Each opens a single eye, then the other one. They both stare
at what lies underneath.

It is a bar of candy -- nothing more. Their disappointment
is palpable.

TRANSITION TO:
Genres: ["Family","Fantasy","Adventure"]

Summary Grandpa Joe secretly gives Charlie a silver dollar to buy a Wonka candy bar, hoping to find the last golden ticket. Despite their anticipation, they're disappointed when they open the bar and find it's just a regular candy bar.
Strengths
  • Emotional connection between characters
  • Introduction of new plot point
  • Authentic dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Relatively low stakes
  • Lack of significant character change

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively conveys the emotional connection between Grandpa Joe and Charlie, introduces a new plot point with the search for the last Golden Ticket, and sets up potential conflict with the disappointment of not finding it.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of searching for the last Golden Ticket adds intrigue and sets up a new goal for the characters, driving the plot forward.

Plot: 7

The plot introduces a new development with the search for the last Golden Ticket, adding depth to the story and setting up potential conflict for the characters.

Originality: 8

The scene offers a fresh take on the theme of family bonding and adventure, with authentic character interactions and a touch of mystery. The dialogue feels genuine and relatable, adding to the scene's originality.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The scene focuses on the relationship between Grandpa Joe and Charlie, showcasing their bond and determination. The disappointment they face adds complexity to their characters.

Character Changes: 6

While there is not a significant character change in this scene, the disappointment faced by Grandpa Joe and Charlie could potentially lead to internal growth and development.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to bond with his grandson and relive a sense of adventure from his youth. This reflects his desire to connect with Charlie on a deeper level and share a special experience with him.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to find the golden ticket in the candy bar. This reflects the immediate challenge they are facing in their quest to visit the Wonka factory.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

The conflict in the scene is subtle but sets up potential internal conflict for the characters, especially with the disappointment of not finding the Golden Ticket.

Opposition: 6

The opposition in the scene is moderate, with the characters facing the disappointment of not finding the golden ticket. The uncertainty of the outcome adds a layer of challenge and conflict, keeping the audience on edge.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes are relatively low in this scene, but the disappointment of not finding the Golden Ticket sets up potential higher stakes and conflicts for the characters in the future.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by introducing a new plot point with the search for the last Golden Ticket, setting up potential conflicts and goals for the characters.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because the outcome of opening the candy bar is uncertain, creating tension and surprise for the characters and the audience. The shift from excitement to disappointment adds a layer of unpredictability to the scene.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the idea of hope and disappointment. The characters' belief in finding the golden ticket clashes with the reality of opening a regular candy bar, challenging their optimism and faith.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes emotions of hope, disappointment, and determination, especially in the relationship between Grandpa Joe and Charlie.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue between Grandpa Joe and Charlie is heartfelt and conveys their emotions effectively. The simplicity of their conversation adds to the authenticity of their relationship.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the emotional depth of the characters, the anticipation of finding the golden ticket, and the relatable moments of disappointment and hope. The interaction between Grandpa Joe and Charlie keeps the audience invested in their journey.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense as Grandpa Joe and Charlie open the candy bar. The rhythm of the dialogue and actions enhances the emotional impact of the moment, keeping the audience engaged throughout.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene adheres to the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions. The dialogue is well-paced and engaging, contributing to the scene's effectiveness.

Structure: 9

The scene follows a clear structure with a buildup of tension and a satisfying resolution. The pacing and formatting align with the genre expectations, enhancing the overall impact of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a sense of urgency and tension considering it is the moment where Grandpa Joe and Charlie are hoping to find the last golden ticket.
  • The dialogue between Grandpa Joe and Charlie feels a bit forced and lacks depth, missing an opportunity to explore their relationship further.
  • The emotional impact of their disappointment at not finding the golden ticket is not fully conveyed, making the scene fall flat in terms of dramatic effect.
  • The transition from the previous scene to this one could be smoother to maintain the flow of the narrative.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more emotional depth to the interaction between Grandpa Joe and Charlie to enhance the impact of their disappointment.
  • Introduce more tension and urgency in the scene to heighten the stakes of finding the golden ticket.
  • Explore the relationship dynamics between Grandpa Joe and Charlie further to add layers to their characters.
  • Work on a smoother transition from the previous scene to maintain the narrative flow.



Scene 15 -  Disappointment and Hope
60 EXT. FACTORY GATES - DUSK 60

Charlie stands motionless outside the Wonka gates. He takes
deep, swallowing breaths as though he's trying to eat the
smell itself.

He gets a few odd looks from PASSERSBY, but doesn’t care.

TWO MEN with VISZLA DOGS walk past. Charlie overhears their
conversation.

FIRST MAN
Did you hear that some kid in
Russia found the last golden
ticket?

SECOND MAN
Yeah, it was in the paper this
morning.
(re: his dog)
Oh! Good boy, good boy!

The Second Man stops to pick up his dog’s poop in a plastic
baggie.


(CONTINUED)
34.
60 CONTINUED: 60


Charlie’s heard enough. He walks away, defeated. He misses
the rest of the conversation:

SECOND MAN (CONT’D)
But then, I was watching the news
this afternoon, and it turns out
the ticket was a forgery.

FIRST MAN
You’re kidding!

SECOND MAN
People these days, y’know?

CUT TO:


61 EXT. CITY STREET - DUSK 61

Charlie walks with the icy wind blowing in his face. His eye
suddenly catches a piece of paper lying in the gutter, half-
buried in the snow.

Charlie steps off the curb and bends down to examine it. He
sees at once what it is:

A TEN DOLLAR BILL.

Charlie quickly looks around. Has somebody dropped it? No,
that's impossible because of the way it is buried.

Several PEOPLE hurry past him on the sidewalk, their chins
sunk deep in the collars of their coats. None of them take
the slightest notice of the small boy crouching in the
gutter.

Carefully, Charlie pulls the bill out from under the snow.
It is damp and dirty, but otherwise perfect.

NARRATOR
Ten dollars was more money than
Charlie Bucket had ever held. In
that moment, he felt rich.

WIDER,

we find that we’re in front of a newspaper and stationery
store. The kind that sells almost everything, including
candy and cigars. In fact, there’s a big sign in the window
proclaiming: WONKA BARS!




(CONTINUED)
35.
61 CONTINUED: 61


NARRATOR (CONT’D)
But more than that, he felt
terribly hungry.
Genres: ["Drama","Adventure","Fantasy"]

Summary Charlie is overjoyed to hear a golden ticket has been found, only to be disappointed when he overhears it was a fake. As he walks away, he finds a $10 bill on the ground, bringing a glimmer of hope.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth of Charlie's character
  • Engaging plot development
Weaknesses
  • Limited dialogue impact

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively conveys Charlie's emotional state and sets up anticipation for the next plot development.


Story Content

Concept: 7

The concept of the Golden Ticket hunt is engaging and drives the narrative forward.

Plot: 8

The plot advances as Charlie discovers a ten-dollar bill and contemplates his hunger and desire for the Golden Ticket.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the theme of poverty and wealth, with a focus on small moments of discovery and hope. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and relatable.


Character Development

Characters: 7

Charlie's character is well-developed, showcasing his determination and resilience.

Character Changes: 6

Charlie experiences a shift in his emotional state from defeat to determination.

Internal Goal: 8

Charlie's internal goal in this scene is to find a way to change his circumstances and feel a sense of richness and fulfillment. This reflects his deeper need for a better life and his desire to escape poverty.

External Goal: 7

Charlie's external goal in this scene is to find a way to afford food and satisfy his hunger. This reflects the immediate challenge he is facing in terms of poverty and hunger.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

The internal conflict of Charlie's hunger and desire for the Golden Ticket drives the scene.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create conflict and challenge the protagonist, but not overwhelming to the point of predictability.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are high for Charlie as he searches for the last Golden Ticket.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by showing Charlie's continued pursuit of the Golden Ticket.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it introduces unexpected twists and turns, such as the discovery of the ten dollar bill.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the idea of wealth and poverty, as well as the concept of luck and fate. This challenges Charlie's beliefs about his own worth and the role of chance in his life.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes emotions of disappointment, hope, and hunger in the audience.

Dialogue: 6

The dialogue serves the purpose of conveying information and setting the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it captures the audience's attention with a mix of visual details, emotional depth, and a sense of mystery.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, leading to a satisfying resolution.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings and descriptions.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene effectively sets up the conflict and resolution, following a clear narrative arc.


Critique
  • The scene effectively conveys Charlie's disappointment and defeat after learning that the last golden ticket was a forgery.
  • The use of the two men's conversation to reveal the news about the fake golden ticket adds an element of realism and external conflict to the scene.
  • The visual description of Charlie finding the ten dollar bill in the snow is vivid and sets the stage for his next actions.
  • The narration provides insight into Charlie's feelings of richness and hunger upon finding the money, adding depth to his character.
  • The transition to the newspaper and stationery store effectively sets up the next part of the story and introduces the Wonka Bars.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more internal monologue or dialogue for Charlie to further explore his emotions and thoughts in response to the news of the fake golden ticket.
  • Enhance the sensory details of the scene to immerse the reader in Charlie's experience of finding the ten dollar bill.
  • Introduce a moment of decision or reflection for Charlie before he decides to enter the store and buy a Wonka Bar with the money he found.
  • Explore the theme of hope and resilience in Charlie's character by highlighting his determination to keep pursuing his dream despite setbacks.
  • Consider incorporating more interactions with other characters or the environment to deepen the emotional impact of the scene.



Scene 16 -  Charlie Finds the Golden Ticket
62 INT. SHOP - DUSK 62

Charlie lays the damp ten-dollar bill on the counter.

CHARLIE
One Wonka Whipple-Scrumptious
Fudgemallow Delight, please.

The SHOPKEEPER hands it to Charlie.

Charlie grabs it and quickly tears off the wrapper and takes
an enormous bite. Then he takes another...and another...and
oh, the sheer blissful joy of being able to fill one's mouth
with rich solid food!

SHOPKEEPER
You look like you needed that one,
sonny.

Charlie nods, finishing the candy bar. The shopkeeper puts
Charlie's change on the counter.

SHOPKEEPER (CONT'D)
Take it easy. It'll give you a gut-
ache if you swallow it like that
without chewing.

Charlie reaches out a hand to take the change. Pauses. His
eyes are just above the level of the counter. They stare at
the nine one-dollar bills lying there. Surely it wouldn't
matter if he spent just one more...

CHARLIE
I think...I'll have just one more.
The same kind as before, please.

SHOPKEEPER
Why not?

He takes another Whipple-Scrumptious Fudgemallow Delight from
the shelf and lays it on the counter.

Charlie picks it up and tears off the wrapper. And suddenly,
from underneath the wrapper, there comes a brilliant flash of

GOLD.



(CONTINUED)
36.
62 CONTINUED: 62


Charlie's heart stands still. For a long beat, he simply
stares in silent disbelief.

SHOPKEEPER (CONT'D)
It's a Golden Ticket! You found
Wonka's last Golden Ticket! In my
shop too!
(to others)
Somebody call the newspaper quick
and let ‘em know! Watch out now,
sonny! Don't tear it when you
unwrap it! That thing's precious!

In a few seconds, there is a crowd of about TWENTY PEOPLE
clustering around Charlie, and many more push their way in
from the street. Everybody wants to get a look at the Golden
Ticket and the lucky finder.

Charlie hasn't moved. He hasn't even unwrapped the Golden
Ticket from around the candy bar. He stands very still and
holds it tightly with both hands while the crowd pushes and
shouts around him.

At this point, he is aware of a hand resting lightly on his
shoulder. He looks up and sees a TALL MAN standing over him.

TALL MAN
Listen. I'll buy it from you.
I'll give you fifty dollars. How
about it, eh? And I'll give you a
new bicycle as well. Okay?

WOMAN
Are you crazy? Why, I'd give you
five hundred dollars for that
ticket! You want to sell that
ticket to me for five hundred
dollars, young man?

SHOPKEEPER
That's enough of that! Leave the
kid alone, will ya! Make way
there! Let him out!
Genres: ["Fantasy","Adventure","Family"]

Summary Charlie purchases a Wonka Whipple-Scrumptious Fudgemallow Delight and discovers a Golden Ticket beneath the wrapper. Amidst a gathering crowd, individuals attempt to acquire the ticket from Charlie until the shopkeeper intervenes, instructing them to desist and clear a path for Charlie's departure.
Strengths
  • Engaging plot development
  • Emotional impact on the audience
  • Clear thematic elements
Weaknesses
  • Lack of direct conflict
  • Limited character development for secondary characters

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly engaging, filled with excitement, and pivotal to the plot. It effectively captures the emotions of the characters and the audience.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of finding the last Golden Ticket in a candy bar is unique and drives the story forward. It introduces high stakes and sets the stage for the next phase of the narrative.

Plot: 9

The plot is well-developed, with a clear focus on Charlie's discovery of the Golden Ticket and the reactions of those around him. It adds depth to the overall story and sets up future events.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a familiar trope of finding a golden ticket, but adds a fresh twist by focusing on Charlie's internal conflict and moral dilemma. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds depth to the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are portrayed realistically, with distinct personalities and motivations. Charlie's innocence and determination shine through in this scene.

Character Changes: 7

Charlie experiences a significant change as he goes from disappointment to elation upon finding the Golden Ticket. This moment marks a turning point in his journey.

Internal Goal: 8

Charlie's internal goal is to experience joy and happiness through the simple pleasure of eating a candy bar. This reflects his desire for a moment of bliss in his otherwise difficult life.

External Goal: 9

Charlie's external goal is to purchase a candy bar, but it unexpectedly leads to the discovery of the Golden Ticket, which presents him with new opportunities and challenges.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

While there is no direct conflict in this scene, the tension arises from the offers made to Charlie for the Golden Ticket, adding a layer of suspense and decision-making.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with multiple characters offering Charlie different deals for the Golden Ticket, creating a sense of conflict and tension.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high as the discovery of the Golden Ticket could potentially change Charlie's life and lead to new opportunities. The offers made to him highlight the value of the ticket.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward by introducing a key plot point and setting the stage for the next phase of the narrative. It keeps the audience engaged and eager to see what happens next.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because it subverts expectations by presenting Charlie with a moral dilemma and unexpected opportunities.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the temptation of greed and the value of honesty. Charlie is faced with the opportunity to sell the Golden Ticket for a large sum of money, but he must decide if his integrity is worth more than material gain.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions of joy, excitement, and anticipation, especially as Charlie discovers the Golden Ticket. It resonates with the audience on an emotional level.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is engaging and reflects the emotions and intentions of the characters. It adds depth to the scene and enhances the overall storytelling.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it builds suspense and anticipation, drawing the audience into Charlie's discovery of the Golden Ticket and the reactions of the other characters.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and suspense as Charlie contemplates his decision.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 9

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness.


Critique
  • The scene lacks emotional depth and fails to fully capture Charlie's overwhelming joy and disbelief at finding the Golden Ticket.
  • The dialogue feels a bit rushed and lacks nuance, especially in the interactions between Charlie and the shopkeeper.
  • The description of Charlie's reaction to finding the Golden Ticket could be more detailed and impactful to convey the magnitude of the moment.
  • The scene could benefit from more sensory details to immerse the audience in Charlie's experience of unwrapping the candy bar and discovering the Golden Ticket.
  • The crowd's reaction to Charlie finding the Golden Ticket could be more chaotic and overwhelming to emphasize the significance of the moment.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding internal monologue or voiceover to convey Charlie's thoughts and emotions more effectively.
  • Slow down the pacing of the scene to build suspense and tension as Charlie unwraps the candy bar and discovers the Golden Ticket.
  • Enhance the dialogue between Charlie, the shopkeeper, and the crowd to add depth and authenticity to the interactions.
  • Include more vivid descriptions of Charlie's physical and emotional reactions to finding the Golden Ticket to make the moment more impactful.
  • Create a more dynamic and immersive setting by detailing the sights, sounds, and smells of the shop and the surrounding crowd.



Scene 17 -  Charlie Finds the Golden Ticket
63 EXT. THE SHOP - DUSK 63

The shopkeeper kneels down and looks Charlie in the eye.

SHOPKEEPER
Don't let anybody have it! Take it
straight home, before you lose it!
(MORE)

(CONTINUED)
37.
63 CONTINUED: 63
SHOPKEEPER (CONT'D)
Run all the way and don't stop till
you get there, you understand?

Charlie nods. There are tears in the corners of his eyes.

CHARLIE
Thank you.

And he runs through the snow as fast as his legs will go.


64 EXT. WONKA FACTORY - DUSK 64

Headed home, Charlie runs along the sidewalk in front of the
factory.


65 INT. THE LITTLE HOUSE - NIGHT 65

Charlie bursts in with the energy of a cyclone.

CHARLIE
Mom! Dad! I’ve got it! I found
it!

He runs past his stunned parents, into --


66 INT. THE GRANDPARENTS’ BEDROOM - NIGHT 66

He jumps up onto the center of the bed.

CHARLIE
The last Golden Ticket! I found
it.

For a long beat there is absolute silence in the room.
Nobody dares to speak or move.

GRANDPA JOE
You're pulling our legs, Charlie,
aren't you? You're having a little
joke?

CHARLIE
I am not!

Charlie hands him the ticket. Grandpa Joe leans forward and
takes a close look. His nose almost touches the ticket. The
others watch, waiting for a verdict.




(CONTINUED)
38.
66 CONTINUED: 66


Then very slowly, a slow and marvelous grin spreads over his
face. Grandpa Joe looks at Charlie. The color rushes to his
cheeks, and his eyes are wide open and shine with joy.

The old man takes a deep breath, and suddenly, with no
warning whatsoever, an explosion seems to take place inside.
He throws up his arms and yells...

GRANDPA JOE
Yippee!

And at the same time, his bony body rises up out of the bed.
He jumps on to the floor and starts a victory dance in his
pajamas.

Charlie’s parents watch from the doorway, amazed.

MOTHER
Dad, how can you...

Ignoring her, Grandpa Joe hands the ticket to father.

GRANDPA JOE
Read it aloud. Let's all hear
exactly what it says.

FATHER
(reads ticket)
Greetings to you, the lucky finder
of this golden ticket, from Mr.
Willy Wonka! I shake you warmly by
the hand! For now, I do invite you
to come to my factory and be my
guest for one whole day.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Family","Adventure","Fantasy"]

Summary Charlie, a good-natured boy from a poor family, buys a chocolate bar from a local shopkeeper. As he begins to unwrap it, he discovers something unexpected—a golden ticket, the key to visiting the mysterious and enchanting Wonka Factory.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Pivotal plot development
Weaknesses
  • Lack of significant conflict
  • Limited character interactions

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly engaging, emotionally resonant, and pivotal to the plot.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of finding the Golden Ticket is crucial to the story and drives the narrative forward.

Plot: 9

The plot advances significantly with Charlie finding the Golden Ticket, leading to new developments and opportunities.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh and magical element with the concept of the Golden Ticket and Willy Wonka's factory. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters, especially Grandpa Joe and Charlie, show depth and emotion in their reactions, adding layers to the scene.

Character Changes: 7

Charlie experiences a significant change in fortune and status with the discovery of the Golden Ticket.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to prove himself and make his family proud. This reflects his desire for validation and recognition.

External Goal: 9

The protagonist's external goal is to find the last Golden Ticket and secure a visit to Willy Wonka's factory. This reflects the immediate challenge he is facing in the story.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

While there is not a high level of conflict in this scene, the tension of finding the Golden Ticket adds excitement.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create suspense and uncertainty, keeping the audience engaged.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are raised with the discovery of the Golden Ticket, as it opens up a world of possibilities for Charlie and his family.

Story Forward: 8

The scene propels the story forward by setting up the next phase of the narrative at the Wonka Factory.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the initial doubt and skepticism from Grandpa Joe, followed by a surprising outburst of joy and celebration.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between skepticism and belief. Grandpa Joe initially doubts Charlie's claim, but ultimately chooses to believe in him. This challenges the protagonist's values of honesty and trust.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The emotional impact is high, with the audience feeling the joy and triumph of Charlie and his family.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is heartfelt and realistic, capturing the family dynamics and excitement of the moment.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it captures the audience's attention with its emotional moments and sense of adventure.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and excitement, leading to a satisfying resolution.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is well-executed and follows the expected format for its genre.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear and engaging structure that builds tension and excitement effectively.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension and excitement as Charlie rushes home with the Golden Ticket, creating a sense of anticipation for the audience.
  • The emotional reactions of the characters are well portrayed, with Grandpa Joe's exuberant response adding a touch of joy and celebration to the moment.
  • The dialogue is engaging and helps to convey the significance of finding the Golden Ticket, especially with the reading of the ticket aloud.
  • The visual imagery of Grandpa Joe's victory dance in his pajamas adds a whimsical and heartwarming element to the scene.
  • The transition from Charlie's initial excitement to the family's disbelief and eventual celebration is well-paced and engaging.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more physical actions or reactions from the other family members to enhance the dynamic of the scene.
  • Explore the internal thoughts and emotions of the characters, especially Charlie, to deepen the impact of finding the Golden Ticket.
  • Introduce subtle hints or foreshadowing elements that build up to the moment of finding the Golden Ticket to create a more layered and nuanced scene.
  • Experiment with different camera angles or visual techniques to capture the range of emotions and reactions in a more visually compelling way.
  • Consider incorporating a brief moment of reflection or introspection from Charlie to highlight the significance of this life-changing event for him.



Scene 18 -  Charlie's Decision
67 INT. BEAUREGARDE LIVINGROOM - DAY [PAST] 67

Violet reads the ticket aloud to the REPORTERS.

VIOLET
I, Willy Wonka, will conduct you
around the factory myself, showing
you everything there is to see.

CUT TO:
39.




68 INT. GERMAN SAUSAGE SHOP - DAY [PAST] 68

Augustus continues reading.

AUGUSTUS
Und aftervards, ven it is time to
leave, you vill be escorted home by
a procession of large trucks, each
von filled vit all de chocolate you
could ever eat!

CUT TO:


69 INT. SALT LIVING ROOM - DAY [PAST] 69

Veruca continues:

VERUCA
And remember, one of you lucky five
children will receive an extra
prize beyond your wildest
imagination. Now, here are your
instructions:

CUT TO:


70 INT. MIKE TEAVEE’S BEDROOM - DAY [PAST] 70

MIKE
On the first of February, you must
come to the factory gates at ten
a.m. sharp. You are allowed to
bring one member of your family to
look after you. Until then, Willy
Wonka.

BACK TO:


71 INT. THE GRANDPARENTS’ BEDROOM - NIGHT 71

MOTHER
The first day of February! But
that's tomorrow!

GRANDPA JOE
Then there’s not a moment to lose.
Charlie!
(MORE)


(CONTINUED)
40.
71 CONTINUED: 71
GRANDPA JOE (CONT'D)
Wash your face, comb your hair,
scrub your hands, brush your teeth,
blow your nose, cut your nails,
polish your shoes, iron your
shirt...

GRANDPA GEORGE
And for heaven's sake, get that mud
off your pants!

MOTHER
We must all try to keep very calm.
Now the first thing to decide is
this -- who is going to the factory
with Charlie?

GRANDPA JOE
I will! I'll take him! You leave
it to me!

MOTHER
(to Father)
How about you, dear? Don't you
think you ought to go?

FATHER
Grandpa Joe seems to know more
about it than we do. Provided, of
course, that he feels well
enough...

GRANDPA JOE
Yippee!

He seizes Charlie and dances around the room. As Charlie is
spinning, we see his expression change. He stops dancing.

CHARLIE
No. We’re not going.

All eyes turn to him as he takes the ticket back from his
father.

CHARLIE (CONT’D)
A woman offered me five hundred
dollars for the ticket. I bet
someone else will pay more. We
need the money more than we need
the chocolate.

The mood in the room deflates as reality sets in.




(CONTINUED)
41.
71 CONTINUED: (2) 71


GRANDPA GEORGE
Young man, come here!
(Charlie moves closer)
There’s plenty of money out there.
They print more every day. But
this ticket? There’s only five of
them in the whole world, and that’s
all there’s ever going to be. Only
a dummy would give this up for
something as common as money. Are
you a dummy?

CHARLIE
No, sir.

GRANDPA GEORGE
Then get that mud off your pants.
You got a factory to go to.

TRANSITION TO:
Genres: ["Family","Adventure","Fantasy"]

Summary Charlie and his family continue reading the Wonka ticket. Grandpa Joe wants to join Charlie but Father is hesitant. Charlie considers selling the ticket for money but Grandpa George advises against it. The scene ends with Grandpa George telling Charlie to get ready for the factory visit.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Family dynamics
  • Moral dilemma
  • Character development
Weaknesses
  • Some predictable elements
  • Slightly didactic dialogue

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively introduces the high stakes of finding a Golden Ticket, creates tension with Charlie's decision to sell the ticket for money, and showcases the importance of family support and values.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of finding Golden Tickets to visit a magical chocolate factory is engaging and sets up the main conflict of the story. The moral dilemma faced by Charlie adds depth to the scene.

Plot: 8

The plot advances as Charlie finds the Golden Ticket and must decide whether to keep it or sell it. The scene sets up the central conflict of the story and establishes the importance of the factory visit.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh take on the classic story, with unique character dynamics and a modern twist on familiar themes. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 7

The characters, especially Charlie and his grandparents, are well-developed and their interactions drive the emotional core of the scene. The contrast between Charlie's integrity and the greed of others is highlighted.

Character Changes: 7

Charlie undergoes a significant internal change as he grapples with the decision to sell the Golden Ticket, showcasing his integrity and values. The scene sets up potential growth for Charlie's character.

Internal Goal: 8

Charlie's internal goal is to make a decision that aligns with his values and priorities, despite external pressures. This reflects his desire to do what is right for his family and himself.

External Goal: 7

Charlie's external goal is to decide whether to go to the chocolate factory or sell the ticket for money. This reflects the immediate challenge of balancing financial needs with personal desires.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict arises from Charlie's decision whether to sell the Golden Ticket for money or keep it for the chance to visit the chocolate factory. This internal conflict drives the emotional tension.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting viewpoints and emotional stakes that create tension and drive the narrative forward.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high as Charlie must choose between financial security for his family and the opportunity of a lifetime to visit the mysterious chocolate factory. The decision has far-reaching consequences.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing the central conflict of the Golden Ticket, setting up Charlie's journey to the chocolate factory, and highlighting the importance of family support.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected decision made by the protagonist and the emotional twists that challenge the audience's expectations.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict is between the value of money and the value of unique experiences. This challenges Charlie's beliefs about what is truly important in life.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions from excitement to disappointment to encouragement, especially through Charlie's decision-making process and his grandparents' reactions.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue effectively conveys the emotions and motivations of the characters, particularly in Charlie's decision-making process and his grandparents' supportive reactions.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the emotional conflict, witty dialogue, and dynamic character interactions that keep the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and suspense, leading to a dramatic climax.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings and character actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear transitions between locations and well-paced dialogue.


Critique
  • The scene transitions abruptly between different locations and characters reading the ticket aloud, which can be disorienting for the audience.
  • The dialogue feels a bit rushed and lacks depth, especially in the interactions between the characters.
  • The decision-making process of who will accompany Charlie to the factory feels forced and lacks emotional depth.
  • Charlie's sudden change of heart about going to the factory based on money seems out of character and not well justified.
  • The mood shift in the room from excitement to disappointment feels abrupt and could be better developed.
Suggestions
  • Consider slowing down the pace of the scene to allow for more emotional depth and character development.
  • Provide more context and reasoning behind Charlie's decision to sell the ticket for money.
  • Explore the relationships between the characters more deeply to add layers to the scene.
  • Add more nuance to the dialogue to make the interactions feel more authentic and engaging.
  • Consider restructuring the scene to flow more smoothly and build tension effectively.



Scene 19 -  Entering the Wonka Factory
72 EXT. FACTORY GATES - DAY 72

The sun shines brightly on the morning of the big day, but
the ground is still white with snow and the air is very cold.

POLICEMEN with arms linked try to hold back the enormous
CROWDS of people who have gathered to watch the five lucky
ticket holders go in.

Right beside the gates, in a small group carefully shielded
from the crowds, stand the five famous children together with
the grownups who have come with them.

Veruca Salt wears a mink-trimmed coat.

VERUCA
Daddy, I want to go in!

MR. SALT
It’s 9:59, sweetheart.

VERUCA
Make time go faster!

Next to them stand Charlie and Grandpa Joe.

CHARLIE
Do you think Mr. Wonka will
recognize you?



(CONTINUED)
42.
72 CONTINUED: 72


GRANDPA JOE
Hard to say. It’s been years!

We continue to Augustus Gloop, who takes another candy bar
from his mother. Next to them, we find the Beauregardes.
Violet and her mother wear matching blue tracksuits.

MS. BEAUREGARDE
Eyes on the prize, Violet. Eyes on
the prize.

Finally, we come to Mike Teavee and his father, who looks
much more excited to be here than his son.

Suddenly, with a CLANG of great gears, the gates begin to
swing open. Violet and her mother push past the others to be
the first to step onto the Wonka factory grounds. Charlie
and Grandpa Joe are the last ones in.


73 EXT. WONKA FACTORY YARD - DAY 73

The ten visitors walk along a snowy path, headed for the
giant building ahead. The place seems deserted, yet
perfectly maintained.

GRANDPA JOE
Nothing’s changed at all!
(he points)
That’s the bench we used to sit on
when we would talk about Lindberg!

MR. SALT
It must have been very interesting.
Back then.

Charlie glances back over his shoulder and sees the great
iron entrance gates slowly close behind him. The crowds on
the street still push and SHOUT. Then, as the gates close
with a CLANG, all sight of the outside world has disappeared.


74 UP AHEAD 74

The giant doors to the main factory building begin to open.
Smoke and steam curl into the cold air. WONKA’S VOICE is
carried over loudspeakers:

WONKA’S VOICE
Dear visitors, it is my great
pleasure to welcome you to my
humble factory.


(CONTINUED)
43.
74 CONTINUED: 74


Charlie takes his Grampa’s hand, excited and overwhelmed.

Beyond the doors, we see cartoonishly-exaggerated machinery:
conveyor belts and sugar funnels, dipping vats and bubble-
blowers. It seems too goofy to be real. But one never
knows.

WONKA’S VOICE (CONT’D)
And who am I? Well...

Suddenly, CARNIVAL MUSIC begins. Row after row of
animatronic marionettes, a la Disney’s “Small World” ride,
pop up behind the faux machinery. They move in clockwork
precision as they SING...

MARIONETTES
Wil-ly Wonka! Chocolateer extraordinaire.
Wil-ly Wonka! Handsome, yes, and debonair.
Wil-ly Wonka! Modest to a fault.
Wil-ly Wonka! The man who we exalt!
Hey!

As the robotic dolls dance for a verse, we PUSH IN on a few
confused visitors, both adults and children.

MARIONETTES (CONT’D)
Wil-ly Wonka! You’re just about to meet,
Wil-ly Wonka! A man who can’t be beat.
Wil-ly Wonka! Magician and a wiz...
Oh what joy! Here he izzzzzzzz!

The stage ERUPTS in fireworks, sparklers SHOOTING everywhere.
A giant burning sign reads, “WONKA.” Dizzying searchlights
sweep across the proscenium.

As the smoke finally clears, we find the spotlights focused
on an empty stage. Wonka is nowhere to be found. What’s
more, several of the marionette dolls are on fire.

ON THE VISITORS

We go down the row of amazed and bewildered faces, until we
end up on

WILLY WONKA.

He’s a pale man, eccentrically dressed, wearing sunglasses
suitable for climbing Everest. At the moment, he’s
overjoyed, applauding.




(CONTINUED)
44.
74 CONTINUED: (2) 74


WONKA
Oh yes! That was fantastic!
(to Mr. Teavee)
I was worried it was getting a
little dodgy in the middle part,
but then! The finale, well...

VIOLET
Who are you?

GRANDPA JOE
(excited)
He’s Willy Wonka!

CHARLIE
Really?

Wonka checks the label on the inside of his jacket, which
reads “Willy Wonka.”

WONKA
I am!

VERUCA
Then shouldn’t you be up there?

WONKA
I couldn’t very well watch the show
from up there, now could I, little
girl?

Wonka starts to take off his sunglasses, but finds the glare
too bright -- he hasn’t been out in years.

GRANDPA JOE
Mr. Wonka, I don’t know if you
remember me, but I used to work
here in the factory.

Suddenly very serious...

WONKA
Were you one of those despicable
spies?

GRANDPA JOE
No, sir!

WONKA
Then wonderful! Welcome back.
Hurry along, now. All of you.



(CONTINUED)
45.
74 CONTINUED: (3) 74


Wonka leads them through the factory doors.

AUGUSTUS
Don’t you vant to know our names?

WONKA
I can’t imagine how it would
matter. Now, quickly. There’s far
too much to see.

Still baffled, the ten visitors follow Wonka. As they pass
behind the stage, we notice that several of the marionettes
are melting from the fire. Wonka doesn’t seem to notice, or
care.
Genres: ["Fantasy","Adventure","Family"]

Summary As the factory gates open, the children and their guardians rush inside. Grandpa Joe points out a familiar bench, while Wonka's voice welcomes them. Inside the colorful and exaggerated factory yard, animatronic marionettes perform a song about Wonka. Wonka appears on stage, wearing sunglasses and surrounded by fireworks. The marionettes burst into flames as Wonka leads the visitors inside, ignoring their question about their names.
Strengths
  • Engaging introduction of characters and setting
  • Whimsical and mysterious tone
  • Eccentric and enigmatic portrayal of Willy Wonka
Weaknesses
  • Lack of significant conflict
  • Minimal character development

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene effectively sets the tone for the fantastical and mysterious world of the Wonka factory, engaging the audience with its whimsical elements and intriguing characters.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of the scene, introducing the main characters and the fantastical setting of the Wonka factory, is executed well with a blend of whimsy and mystery.

Plot: 8

The plot progresses as the characters enter the factory, building anticipation for the adventures and challenges they will face inside.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces fresh and imaginative elements, such as the animatronic marionettes and exaggerated machinery, that add a unique twist to the familiar setting of a factory tour. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging, contributing to the overall originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are introduced with distinct personalities and traits, setting the stage for potential character development and interactions within the story.

Character Changes: 5

There is minimal character change in this scene as the focus is more on introducing the characters and setting up the adventure.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to impress Mr. Wonka and make a good impression on him. This reflects Charlie's desire for recognition and validation, as well as his hope for a better future.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to explore the Wonka factory and experience the wonders inside. This reflects the immediate challenge of navigating a new and unfamiliar environment.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

While there is a sense of anticipation and mystery, the scene lacks significant conflict, focusing more on introducing the characters and setting.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Mr. Wonka's eccentric behavior and the visitors' expectations creating a sense of conflict and tension. The audience is left wondering how the visitors will navigate the challenges of the factory tour.

High Stakes: 6

While the stakes are not explicitly high in this scene, the anticipation and mystery surrounding the Wonka factory create a sense of importance and excitement.

Story Forward: 8

The scene effectively moves the story forward by transitioning the characters into the Wonka factory and setting the stage for the adventures to come.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of Mr. Wonka's eccentric behavior and the unexpected twists and turns that occur as the visitors explore the factory. The audience is kept on their toes, unsure of what will happen next.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

There is a philosophical conflict between Mr. Wonka's eccentric and unpredictable behavior and the visitors' expectations of a traditional factory tour. This challenges the visitors' beliefs about what a factory should be like and forces them to adapt to Wonka's unique worldview.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a sense of wonder and excitement as the characters enter the magical world of the Wonka factory, engaging the audience emotionally.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue between the characters and Willy Wonka adds depth to their personalities and sets the tone for the whimsical and mysterious atmosphere of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its blend of humor, tension, and mystery, drawing the audience into the world of the Wonka factory and creating a sense of excitement and curiosity.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a balance of action, dialogue, and description that keeps the story moving forward and maintains the audience's interest. The rhythm of the scene contributes to its effectiveness, building tension and anticipation as the visitors enter the factory.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings, descriptions, and dialogue that enhance the visual and emotional impact of the story.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear and coherent structure, with a well-defined setting, characters, and conflict that drive the narrative forward. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness, building tension and anticipation as the visitors enter the factory.


Critique
  • The scene starts with a strong visual description of the setting, but the transition from the previous scene could be smoother to provide better continuity.
  • There is a lack of character development and depth in this scene, with most characters being one-dimensional and not evolving throughout the interaction with Wonka.
  • The dialogue feels a bit forced and lacks natural flow, especially in the interactions between Wonka and the visitors.
  • The tone of the scene shifts abruptly from excitement to confusion, and then to a more serious tone when Wonka questions Grandpa Joe about being a spy.
  • The visual elements of the scene, such as the burning marionettes and Wonka's eccentric appearance, could be better integrated into the narrative to enhance the storytelling.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more depth to the characters by exploring their motivations and reactions to the fantastical elements of the factory.
  • Work on improving the dialogue to make it more natural and reflective of each character's personality.
  • Smooth out the transitions between scenes to create a more cohesive flow in the screenplay.
  • Integrate the visual elements more seamlessly into the narrative to enhance the overall storytelling experience.
  • Focus on maintaining a consistent tone throughout the scene to keep the audience engaged and connected to the story.



Scene 20 -  Arrival at the Factory
75 INT. FACTORY LOBBY - DAY 75

The lobby is completely empty, just as it’s been for decades.

WONKA
Yes, now. Throw your coats
anywhere.

Indeed, Wonka tosses his overcoat and sunglasses on the
floor, revealing a dashingly eccentric suit with touches of
all the exotic lands he’s traveled.

The parents fold their coats nicely over chairs, while the
kids are happy enough to follow Wonka’s lead and toss their
jackets in a pile.

Only Veruca keeps her coat, explaining to anyone who cares to
listen:

VERUCA
It’s rare Brazilian mink.

WONKA
Well I'm sure they're much happier
on you, than playfully romping
through the forest with their
families and loved ones.

MR. TEAVEE
Mr. Wonka, it sure is toasty in
here.




(CONTINUED)
46.
75 CONTINUED: 75


WONKA
I have to keep it warm inside. My
workers are used to an extremely
hot climate. They can't stand the
cold!

CHARLIE
Who are the workers?

WONKA
All in good time. Now...

Violet does an end-run around Wonka.

VIOLET
Mr. Wonka, I’m Violet Beauregarde.

WONKA
Oh, I don’t care.

Without warning, she hugs him around the waist. Wonka emits
a terrified SHRIEK. (He doesn’t like to be touched.)

VIOLET
Well, you should care, because I’m
the girl who’s going to win the
special prize at the end.

Peeling her off...

WONKA
You do seem confident. And
confidence is key.

Ms. Beauregarde is beaming. Veruca pushes her way past
Violet. Wonka takes a nervous step back.

VERUCA
I’m Veruca Salt. It’s very nice to
meet you, sir.

She curtseys.

WONKA
I say. You seem sweeter than any
candy I make.

Now Augustus wedges his way in...

AUGUSTUS
I am Augustus Gloop! I love de
chocolate!


(CONTINUED)
47.
75 CONTINUED: (2) 75


WONKA
So do I! I never expected to have
so much in common.

Though he was reluctant to learn their names, Wonka now seems
quite interested in the children. Pointing...

WONKA (CONT’D)
You, you’re Mike Teavee. The
genius who cracked the system.
Quite impressive.

Mike just shrugs. Wonka finally comes to Charlie.

WONKA (CONT’D)
And you. Well. You’re just lucky
to be here, aren’t you? And the
rest of you must be their p-p-p-...

Afraid to interrupt Wonka, no one jumps in to finish his
word.

WONKA (CONT’D)
P-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-...

Finally...

MR. SALT
Parents?

WONKA
Yes, p-p-parents. Mothers and
fathers.

For just a moment, Wonka seems completely transported, lost
in a distant memory...

WONKA (CONT’D)
Father. Father? Father, but I...

Just as suddenly, he snaps out of it.

WONKA (CONT’D)
Okay, then. Let’s move along.

Charlie feels a little slighted, but Grandpa Joe takes him by
the shoulder. They follow Wonka as he leads them down a long
hall.
48.
Genres: ["Fantasy","Adventure","Family"]

Summary The group enters the warm factory lobby. Wonka instructs them to discard their coats. He becomes slightly more interested in the children, learning their names and showing a brief moment of vulnerability when he mentions his father before leading them down a hallway.
Strengths
  • Engaging concept
  • Quirky characters
  • Whimsical tone
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development
  • Lack of major conflict

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively sets up the main premise of the story, introduces key characters, and establishes a sense of wonder and intrigue.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a golden ticket contest leading to a tour of a magical chocolate factory is engaging and sets the stage for the fantastical elements of the story.

Plot: 7

The plot advances as the characters are introduced to Willy Wonka and begin their tour of the factory, setting the stage for further developments.

Originality: 9

The level of originality in this scene is high, with fresh character dynamics, witty dialogue, and a unique setting that sets it apart from traditional factory tour scenes. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds depth and complexity to the story.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are distinct and quirky, each with their own unique personalities and motivations, adding depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 6

While there are subtle hints of character development, the scene primarily focuses on introducing the characters and setting.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to maintain his enigmatic and eccentric persona while also showing a hint of vulnerability and nostalgia. This reflects his deeper need for connection and understanding, as well as his fear of being touched or revealing too much about his past.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to introduce the children and their parents to the factory and set the tone for the tour. This reflects the immediate challenge of managing the expectations and behaviors of the guests.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

While there are hints of conflict and competition among the characters, the scene primarily focuses on introducing the setting and characters.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create tension and conflict, with the children's curiosity and enthusiasm contrasting with Wonka's guarded and enigmatic behavior. The audience is left wondering about the characters' motivations and the outcome of their interactions.

High Stakes: 7

The high stakes of winning a golden ticket and embarking on a once-in-a-lifetime tour of the chocolate factory add tension and excitement to the scene.

Story Forward: 8

The scene effectively moves the story forward by setting up the main premise of the golden ticket contest and the tour of the chocolate factory.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected character actions, witty dialogue, and mysterious undertones that keep the audience guessing about the characters' motivations and intentions.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is between the innocence and curiosity of the children and the mysterious and guarded nature of Wonka. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs about trust, vulnerability, and the balance between secrecy and openness.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a sense of excitement and anticipation, drawing the audience into the magical world of the chocolate factory.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is witty and playful, reflecting the eccentric nature of the characters and the whimsical tone of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the witty dialogue, eccentric character interactions, and underlying tension that keeps the audience intrigued and invested in the story. The mix of humor and mystery adds depth and complexity to the scene.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by balancing dialogue-driven interactions with narrative description, creating a sense of rhythm and flow that keeps the audience engaged and interested in the story's progression.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting. It enhances the readability and flow of the screenplay.

Structure: 8

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear character introductions, dialogue-driven interactions, and a gradual buildup of tension and mystery. It effectively sets the stage for the narrative to unfold.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear focus and direction, with multiple characters vying for attention and dialogue that feels disjointed.
  • The introduction of the characters and their interactions with Wonka could be more streamlined and purposeful.
  • The dialogue feels forced and lacks depth, with interactions between characters coming off as superficial.
  • The scene lacks a strong emotional impact or connection with the audience, making it difficult to engage with the characters and their journey.
  • The pacing of the scene is uneven, with moments of tension and humor not effectively balanced.
Suggestions
  • Consider focusing on one or two key interactions between Wonka and the children to create more depth and meaning in the scene.
  • Streamline the dialogue to make it more impactful and purposeful, focusing on revealing character traits and motivations.
  • Add more emotional depth to the scene by exploring the inner thoughts and feelings of the characters, especially Wonka.
  • Work on balancing the pacing of the scene to create a more engaging and dynamic narrative flow.
  • Consider revising the interactions between the characters to create more natural and authentic relationships.



Scene 21 -  The Walk Through the Hall
76 INT. THE LONG HALL - DAY 76

Far away in the distance, from the heart of the great
factory, comes a muffled ROAR of energy as though some
monstrous gigantic machine were spinning its wheels at
breakneck speed.

WONKA
Get a move on, please! We'll never
get round today if you dawdle like
this!

Wonka trots off rapidly down the corridor with the tails of
his coat flapping behind him. The visitors hurry after him.

We don’t realize it at first, but the hallway is forced-
perspective. It starts out very big, then gets tiny by the
end.

Charlie walks with Augustus, who is unwrapping yet another
candy bar.

AUGUSTUS
Vould you like some candy?

CHARLIE
Sure.

AUGUSTUS
Then you should have brought some!
Hah-hah!

Augustus eats the whole bar himself, dropping the wrapper.
Wonka turns on his heel, catching the wrapper before it hits
the ground.

WONKA
Now, Augustus. No one likes a
litterbug.

He hands the boy the wrapper with a smile.

A ways back, Mr. Teavee confers with Mr. Salt.

MR. TEAVEE
Is it just me, or does Wonka seem a
few quarters short of a buck?

MR. SALT
I’m sorry. I don’t speak American.



(CONTINUED)
49.
76 CONTINUED: 76


Veruca walks with Violet.

VERUCA
Let’s be friends.

VIOLET
Best friends.

The little girls link arms, but in their faces, we can see
mutual disgust.

Wonka stops. The hallway has gotten so narrow that everyone
is bunched up on top of each other.

In front of him there is a tiny metal door, labelled...

THE CHOCOLATE ROOM.

WONKA
An important room, this! It is a
chocolate factory, after all.

Wonka takes an absurdly large bunch of keys from his pocket
and slips one into the keyhole.

MIKE
Then why is the door so small?

WONKA
To keep all the big chocolate
flavor inside.

He leads them through the little door.
Genres: ["Fantasy","Adventure","Family"]

Summary Wonka leads the group down a long hallway that appears large at the beginning and becomes smaller as they walk. He scolds Augustus for dropping candy wrappers, emphasizing his dislike for littering. Charlie and Augustus have a brief exchange about sharing candy, with Augustus showing selfishness. Mr. Teavee and Mr. Salt discuss Wonka's eccentric behavior, questioning his sanity. Veruca and Violet pretend to be friends, but their mutual disgust is evident. Wonka opens a small metal door labeled 'The Chocolate Room,' using a large bunch of keys.
Strengths
  • Unique setting and concept
  • Eccentric characters
  • Whimsical tone
Weaknesses
  • Lack of intense conflict
  • Some dialogue may be too on-the-nose

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is engaging, full of whimsy, and sets up the fantastical world of the chocolate factory effectively.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a magical chocolate factory with eccentric characters and unique settings is well-established and intriguing.

Plot: 7

The plot progresses as the characters enter the Chocolate Room, setting up further exploration of the factory.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces unique situations like the forced-perspective hallway and the absurdly small door to the Chocolate Room. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and true to their eccentric personalities.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters, especially Willy Wonka, Augustus, Violet, and Veruca, are well-defined and add depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 6

There are subtle hints of character development, especially in the interactions between the children and Willy Wonka.

Internal Goal: 8

Charlie's internal goal is to prove himself and find a sense of belonging and purpose. This reflects his deeper need for validation and acceptance.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to explore the chocolate factory and learn its secrets. This reflects the immediate challenge of navigating the unfamiliar and magical environment.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

There is subtle conflict between the characters, especially Violet and Veruca, adding tension to the scene.

Opposition: 6

The opposition in the scene is subtle, with hints of conflict between characters but no clear obstacles or challenges that create suspense or tension.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes are relatively low in this scene, focusing more on exploration and wonder rather than intense conflict.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing the characters to the magical world of the chocolate factory.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in character interactions and the fantastical elements introduced, keeping the audience on their toes.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict is evident in the contrasting values of greed and friendship, as seen in the interactions between the characters. This challenges Charlie's values of honesty and kindness.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a sense of wonder and excitement, especially as the characters enter the Chocolate Room.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is quirky and reflects the eccentric nature of the characters, adding to the whimsical tone of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its whimsical setting, quirky characters, and playful interactions that draw the audience into the magical world of the chocolate factory.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and curiosity as the characters move through the hallway towards the Chocolate Room, keeping the audience engaged and eager for more.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a fantasy adventure genre, with a clear introduction, character interactions, and a hint of mystery and discovery.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear sense of direction and purpose, with the visitors simply following Wonka down a hallway without much happening.
  • The dialogue between Augustus and Charlie feels forced and lacks depth, not adding much to the scene.
  • The interaction between Veruca and Violet also falls flat, as their attempt to be friends comes off as insincere and unconvincing.
  • The transition from the hallway being forced-perspective to reaching the Chocolate Room feels abrupt and disjointed.
  • The dialogue between Mr. Teavee and Mr. Salt about Wonka's sanity feels out of place and doesn't contribute much to the scene.
Suggestions
  • Add more purpose and intrigue to the scene by introducing obstacles or challenges for the characters to overcome as they progress down the hallway.
  • Develop the dialogue between Augustus and Charlie to reveal more about their characters or create tension between them.
  • Enhance the interaction between Veruca and Violet to make it more engaging and believable, showing their true feelings towards each other.
  • Smooth out the transition from the forced-perspective hallway to reaching the Chocolate Room to create a more seamless flow.
  • Consider revising the dialogue between Mr. Teavee and Mr. Salt to make it more relevant to the scene or remove it altogether if it doesn't serve a purpose.



Scene 22 -  The Chocolate Room
77 INT. THE CHOCOLATE ROOM - DAY 77

We PULL BACK from stunned faces, young and old, as they
overlook a quite amazing sight. Even jaded Mike Teavee has
to admit this is incredible. In front of them stretches

A LOVELY VALLEY.

There are green meadows on either side, and along the bottom
of it flows a great brown river.

What is more, there is a tremendous waterfall halfway along
the river -- a steep cliff over which the water curls and
rolls in a solid sheet, and then crashes down into a boiling
churning whirlpool of froth and spray.




(CONTINUED)
50.
77 CONTINUED: 77


Below the waterfall, a whole mass of enormous glass pipes
dangle down into the river from somewhere high up in the
ceiling. They suck up the brownish muddy water from the
river and carry it away to goodness knows where.

One can hear the never-ending SUCK-SUCK-SUCKING sound of the
pipes as they do their work.

Graceful trees and bushes grow along the riverbanks --
weeping willows and alders and tall clumps of rhododendrons
with their pink and red and mauve blossoms. In the meadows
are thousands of buttercups.

VERUCA
It’s beautiful.

WONKA
Of course! I can't abide ugliness
in factories! What’s more, it's
all eatable!
(is that a word?)
Edible? Well, it’s delicious!

Wonka leads them down a path towards the river. As he walks,
he takes a jacket hanging from a tree and changes his outfit.
(He’ll do this a lot over the course of the story.)

WONKA (CONT'D)
Every drop of that river is hot
melted chocolate of the finest
quality. There's enough chocolate
in there to fill every bathtub in
the entire country!
(pointing)
Those pipes suck up the chocolate
and carry it away to all the other
rooms in the factory where it is
needed! Thousands of gallons an
hour.

The children and their parents are completely bowled over by
the hugeness of the whole thing. They simply walk and stare.

WONKA (CONT'D)
The waterfall is most important!
It mixes the chocolate! Makes it
light and frothy! No other factory
in the world mixes its chocolate by
waterfall! But it's the only way
to do it properly! The only way!
And do you like my trees? Don't
you think they look pretty?
(MORE)

(CONTINUED)
51.
77 CONTINUED: (2) 77
WONKA (CONT'D)
And of course they are all eatable!
All made of something different and
delicious! And do you like my
meadows? The grass you are
standing on is made of a new kind
of soft, minty sugar that I've just
invented! I call it swudge! Try a
blade! Please do! It's
delectable!

Automatically, everyone bends down and picks a blade of grass
-- everyone, that is, except Augustus Gloop, gets down on all
fours and eats like a cow.

Violet Beauregarde, before tasting her blade, takes the piece
of world-record breaking chewing gum out of her mouth and
sticks it carefully behind her ear.

VARIOUS
Oooh!/It’s good!/Quite
delicious!/Now that’s tasty!

Soon, everyone is sampling the local flora.

CHARLIE
(to Grandpa Joe)
Was this room always here?

GRANDPA JOE
It’s brand new to me. I can’t
believe how much has changed.


78 SUDDENLY, 78

the air is filled with SCREAMS of excitement. Veruca Salt
points frantically to the other side of the river.

VERUCA
Daddy, look over there! What is
it? It's a little person! Down
there below the waterfall!

Everybody stops picking buttercups and stares across the
river.

MS. BEAUREGARDE
There's two of them!

MR. TEAVEE
There's more than two.




(CONTINUED)
52.
78 CONTINUED: 78


AUGUSTUS
Ver do they come from?

CHARLIE
Who are they?

Children and parents alike rush down to the edge of the river
to get a closer look.

A team of TINY MEN are busy at work. Some mow the sugar
grass, while others pick the candy that grows on the trees.
The strangest thing is, the little men all look exactly the
same -- miniature clones of each other.

One of them points towards the children, and then he whispers
something to the other four, and all five of them burst into
peals of LAUGHTER.

MIKE
(to Wonka)
Are they real people?

WONKA
Of course they're real people.
They're Oompa-Loompas.

MR. SALT
Oompa-Loompas!

WONKA
Imported direct from Loompaland.

MR. TEAVEE
There's no such place.

WONKA
What’s that you say?

MR. TEAVEE
Well, Mr. Wonka, I teach high
school geography and...

WONKA
Then you know all about it. And
oh, what a terrible country it is!

CUT TO:
53.
Genres: ["Fantasy","Adventure","Family"]

Summary Step into the delectable Chocolate Room, where edible wonders await. Led by Willy Wonka, children and parents are introduced to the industrious Oompa-Loompas amidst a landscape of chocolate rivers, waterfalls, and candy vegetation. This surreal realm of sweetness captivates the senses and leaves all in a state of awe.
Strengths
  • Imaginative world-building
  • Engaging and magical atmosphere
  • Introduction of key elements for the story progression
Weaknesses
  • Limited character depth in this particular scene
  • Some dialogue may feel exposition-heavy

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly engaging, filled with imaginative elements, and sets up the adventure within the chocolate factory. It captures the wonder and magic of the story effectively.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of the chocolate room with its unique features like the chocolate river, edible grass, and Oompa-Loompas is innovative and captivating. It sets the stage for the fantastical journey ahead.

Plot: 8

The plot advances as the characters enter the chocolate room, introducing new elements and setting up future events. It keeps the audience intrigued and eager to see what will happen next.

Originality: 9

The scene is highly original, presenting a unique and imaginative setting with edible landscapes, magical creatures, and fantastical elements. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 7

The characters show their reactions to the fantastical elements of the chocolate room, adding depth to their personalities. Willy Wonka's eccentricity shines through, and the children's curiosity is evident.

Character Changes: 6

The characters show a sense of wonder and amazement as they explore the chocolate room, which hints at potential growth and development in their journey.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to experience and appreciate the beauty and magic of the Chocolate Room. This reflects their desire for adventure, excitement, and a break from their mundane lives.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to explore and understand the workings of the Chocolate Room. This reflects their curiosity and desire to learn about new and unique experiences.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 5

There is a mild conflict in the skepticism of Mr. Teavee regarding the Oompa-Loompas, but overall, the scene focuses more on wonder and discovery.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with characters questioning Wonka's claims and the appearance of the Oompa-Loompas adding a sense of mystery and conflict.

High Stakes: 7

The discovery of the Oompa-Loompas and the fantastical elements of the chocolate room raise the stakes and add excitement to the story. It sets the tone for the adventure ahead.

Story Forward: 8

The scene propels the story forward by introducing key elements of the chocolate factory and setting up future events. It builds anticipation for what's to come.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected elements, such as the appearance of the Oompa-Loompas and the fantastical nature of the Chocolate Room.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the clash between reality and fantasy. The characters, especially Mr. Teavee, question the existence of Loompaland and the Oompa-Loompas, challenging Wonka's fantastical claims.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a sense of awe and excitement as the characters experience the fantastical elements of the chocolate room. It creates a positive emotional response in the audience.

Dialogue: 6

The dialogue serves to introduce the chocolate room and its features, as well as showcase the characters' reactions. It is informative and sets the tone for the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its fantastical setting, playful dialogue, and sense of wonder and discovery. The characters' reactions and interactions draw the audience into the magical world of the Chocolate Room.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a balance of descriptive passages, character interactions, and plot developments that maintain the audience's interest and build suspense.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear descriptions, dialogue, and scene direction that enhance the visual and narrative elements.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, introducing the setting, characters, and conflicts in a coherent and engaging manner.


Critique
  • The scene does a great job of setting up the wonder and amazement of the Chocolate Room, but it could benefit from more character interactions and development.
  • The introduction of the Oompa-Loompas feels rushed and could be expanded upon to create more intrigue and curiosity among the characters and audience.
  • The transition from the beauty of the Chocolate Room to the sudden appearance of the Oompa-Loompas could be smoother to maintain the magical atmosphere.
  • There is a missed opportunity to delve deeper into the reactions of the children and parents to the Oompa-Loompas, which could add depth to their characters and the overall scene.
  • The dialogue between Mr. Teavee and Wonka about Loompaland feels a bit forced and could be integrated more naturally into the conversation.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more interactions between the characters and the Oompa-Loompas to build intrigue and curiosity.
  • Expand on the reactions of the children and parents to the Oompa-Loompas to add depth to the scene.
  • Smooth out the transition from the beauty of the Chocolate Room to the introduction of the Oompa-Loompas for a more seamless flow.
  • Integrate the dialogue about Loompaland more naturally into the conversation between Mr. Teavee and Wonka.
  • Look for opportunities to develop the characters further through their interactions with the Oompa-Loompas and their surroundings.



Scene 23 -  Wonka Discovers Loompaland
79 EXT. THE JUNGLES OF LOOMPALAND - DAY [PAST] 79

We PUSH THROUGH the absurdly dense forests of this sub-
tropical wilderness. By the FEROCIOUS ANIMAL CALLS we hear,
we know this is quite a dangerous place.

Yet Willy Wonka himself is bravely hacking his way through
the undergrowth with a silver machete. Even in the
sweltering heat, he manages to look dashing.


WONKA’S VOICE
The whole place is nothing but
thick jungles infested by the most
dangerous beasts in the entire
world -- hornswogglers and
snozzwangers and those terrible
wicked whangdoodles.

A massive flying beetle SWOOPS DOWN upon Wonka. He deftly
slices through it in mid-air, then examines the goo on the
blade. Curious, he taps it with his tongue, getting a quick
taste. Considers the bouquet...

WONKA’S VOICE (CONT’D)
I went to Loompaland looking for
exotic new flavors for candy.

He decides against whangdoodle goo.

WONKA’S VOICE (CONT’D)
Instead, I found the Oompa-Loompas.

TRANSITION TO:


80 EXT. DEEPER IN THE JUNGLE - DAY [PAST] 80

Pushing his way through to a clearing, Wonka looks up into a
sunlit tree.

WONKA’S VOICE
They lived in tree-houses to escape
from whangdoodles and the
hornswogglers and the snozzwangers.

Seen first in silhouette, the Oompa-Loompas scurry along the
branches. They have constructed a rickety tree-city, high
above the jungle floor.




(CONTINUED)
54.
80 CONTINUED: 80


WONKA’S VOICE (CONT’D)
They were living on green
caterpillars, which tasted
revolting.


81 INT. OOMPA-LOOMPA CHIEF’S HOUSE - DAY [PAST] 81

His knees at his Adam’s apple, Wonka scrunches in to share a
meal with the OOMPA-LOOMPA CHIEF, who looks exactly like all
the other Oompa-Loompas, except for his ornate headdress.

The Chief is mashing caterpillars with a mortar and pestle.

WONKA’S VOICE
The Oompa-Loompas spent every
moment of their days looking for
other things to mash up with the
caterpillars to make them taste
better -- red beetles, eucalyptus
leaves, the bark of the bong-bong
tree -- all of them beastly, but
not quite so beastly as the
caterpillars.

The Chief offers Wonka a taste of the revolting caterpillar
goo.

WONKA’S VOICE (CONT’D)
The food they longed for the most
was the cocoa bean. An Oompa-
Loompa was lucky if he found three
or four cocoa beans a year. But
oh, how they craved them. They
used to dream about cocoa beans all
night and talk about them all day.

BACK TO:
Genres: ["Adventure","Fantasy"]

Summary Willy Wonka ventures into the jungles of Loompaland, a world teeming with exotic flavors. There, he encounters the Oompa-Loompas, a community living in treehouses to escape the dangers below. Their diet of mashed caterpillars leaves them yearning for more, and their greatest desire is for cocoa beans. Wonka's arrival sparks hope that he may provide them with the flavors they crave.
Strengths
  • Innovative world-building
  • Introduction of new characters and lore
  • Sense of wonder and curiosity
Weaknesses
  • Lack of significant plot advancement
  • Dialogue could be more engaging

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively introduces a new setting and expands on the lore of the chocolate factory, adding intrigue and setting the stage for further adventures.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of Loompaland and the Oompa-Loompas is innovative and adds depth to the story, showcasing the creativity of the world-building.

Plot: 7

While the plot doesn't advance significantly in this scene, it sets the stage for future developments by introducing new elements and expanding the world of the story.

Originality: 9

The scene is highly original in its depiction of a fantastical jungle filled with unique creatures and the Oompa-Loompas. The dialogue and actions of the characters feel authentic and engaging, adding depth to the world-building.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The introduction of the Oompa-Loompas and Willy Wonka's adventurous spirit adds depth to the characters and hints at their motivations and backgrounds.

Character Changes: 5

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, we gain insight into Willy Wonka's adventurous nature and the unique culture of the Oompa-Loompas.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to discover new flavors for his candy creations. This reflects his creativity, curiosity, and passion for innovation.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to find the Oompa-Loompas in Loompaland. This goal reflects the immediate challenge of navigating the dangerous jungle and interacting with the native inhabitants.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 5

There is a mild conflict in the dangerous environment of Loompaland, but it is not the central focus of the scene.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene, such as the dangerous creatures and the challenges of the jungle, adds tension and conflict to Wonka's journey. The audience is left wondering how he will overcome these obstacles.

High Stakes: 4

The stakes are relatively low in this scene, focusing more on exploration and world-building than intense conflict or high drama.

Story Forward: 6

The scene sets the stage for future developments by introducing new elements and expanding the world of the story, moving the narrative forward.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected encounters with dangerous creatures and the surprising interactions with the Oompa-Loompas. The audience is kept on their toes, unsure of what will happen next.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the contrast between the Oompa-Loompas' simple way of life and Wonka's sophisticated taste for exotic flavors. This challenges Wonka's beliefs about what constitutes good food and the value of simplicity.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a sense of wonder and curiosity, drawing the audience into the fantastical world of Loompaland.

Dialogue: 6

The dialogue is informative and sets the scene for the exploration of Loompaland, but it could be more engaging and dynamic.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its vivid descriptions, colorful characters, and sense of adventure and discovery. The dialogue and actions keep the audience intrigued and invested in the story.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a good balance of action, dialogue, and description. The rhythm of the scene keeps the story moving forward and maintains the audience's interest.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with proper scene headings, descriptions, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear transitions between different locations and a focus on character interactions and dialogue.


Critique
  • The scene in the jungles of Loompaland provides interesting background information about Willy Wonka's search for exotic candy flavors and the discovery of the Oompa-Loompas. However, the scene feels a bit disconnected from the main storyline and may slow down the pacing of the script.
  • While the description of the jungle and the Oompa-Loompas is vivid, there is a lack of emotional depth or character development in this scene. It would be beneficial to add more personal insights or interactions to engage the audience further.
  • The transition between the jungle scenes could be smoother to maintain the flow of the narrative. Consider incorporating a stronger link between the different locations to enhance continuity.
  • The dialogue from Wonka's voiceover provides valuable information but could be more engaging and dynamic. Adding more personality or humor to the narration could make the scene more captivating.
  • Overall, the scene serves as an intriguing backstory but could benefit from tighter integration with the main plot and more engaging storytelling elements.
Suggestions
  • Consider integrating the jungle scenes more seamlessly into the main storyline to maintain the audience's interest and connection to the characters.
  • Explore opportunities to add emotional depth or character interactions in the jungle scenes to enhance the audience's investment in the story.
  • Enhance the dialogue in the voiceover to make it more engaging and reflective of Wonka's personality and quirks.
  • Ensure a smoother transition between the different jungle locations to improve the overall flow of the script.
  • Evaluate the scene's relevance to the overall narrative and consider trimming or restructuring it to maintain the pacing of the screenplay.



Scene 24 -  Augustus Gloop's Chocolate Dip
82 INT. THE CHOCOLATE ROOM - DAY 82

In a meadow by the river, nine of the visitors listen to
Wonka’s story.

WONKA
The cocoa bean happens to be the
thing from which chocolate is made.
(MORE)




(CONTINUED)
55.
82 CONTINUED: 82
WONKA (CONT'D)
I myself use billions of cocoa
beans every week in this factory.
So I said...

BACK TO:


83 INT. CHIEF’S HOUSE - DAY 83

Wonka talks to the Chief.

WONKA
Look here, if you and all your
people will come back to my country
and live in my factory, you can
have all the cocoa beans you want!
You can gorge yourselves silly on
them! I'll even pay your wages in
cocoa beans if you wish!

The Chief considers for a moment, then eagerly shakes Wonka’s
hand.

BACK TO:


84 OMIT 84


85 INT. THE CHOCOLATE ROOM - DAY 85

WONKA
They are wonderful workers. I must
warn you though, they are rather
mischievous. Always making jokes.

Veruca tugs on her daddy’s sleeve.

VERUCA
Daddy! Daddy! I want an Oompa-
Loompa. I want you to get me an
Oompa-Loompa!

MR. SALT
Now, now pet. We mustn't interrupt
Mr. Wonka.

VERUCA
But I want an Oompa-Loompa!

MR. SALT
All right, Veruca. But I can't get
it for you this second.


(CONTINUED)
56.
85 CONTINUED: 85


Mrs. Gloop is calling down to the riverbank --

MRS. GLOOP
Augustus! Augustus, meinen schatz.
Dat is not a good thing you do!

August Gloop is kneeling on the riverbank, scooping hot
melted chocolate into his mouth as fast as he can.

WONKA
Please, boy, please! I beg of you
not to do that. My chocolate must
be untouched by human hands!

MRS. GLOOP
Come avay from dat river at vonce!

But Augustus is deaf to everything except the call of his
enormous stomach. He lies full-length on the ground with his
head far out over the river and laps up the chocolate like a
dog.

MR. TEAVEE
Careful, son. You're leaning too
far out!

Mr. Teavee is absolutely right. For suddenly there is a
SHRIEK, and then a SPLASH. Augustus Gloop disappears under
the brown surface.

Everyone runs to the riverbank...

MRS. GLOOP
He'll drown! He can't svim! Save
him! Save him!

The wretched boy is sucked closer and closer toward the mouth
of one of the great pipes that dangles down into the river.

Grandpa Joe pulls off his shoes, ready to make a desperate
rescue. Mr. Teavee does the same. For his part, Mr. Salt
fusses with his tie just a bit.

CHARLIE
Look! The Oompa-Loompas!

The Oompa-Loompas are pulling on swimming caps. One by one,
they dive gracefully into the chocolate river, swimming
toward Augustus.




(CONTINUED)
57.
85 CONTINUED: (2) 85


As he floats in the chocolate river, Augustus is divided
between his instinct to breathe and his instinct to eat. He
alternately gasps and gobbles.


86 THEN ALL AT ONCE, 86

the powerful suction takes hold of him completely. He is
pulled under the surface and then into the mouth of the pipe.

The crowd on the riverbank waits breathlessly to see where he
comes out.

VIOLET
There he goes!

And sure enough, because the pipe is made of glass, Augustus
Gloop is seen clearly shooting up inside it, head first like
a torpedo.

MRS. GLOOP
Help! Police!

MS. BEAUREGARDE
It's a wonder to me how that pipe
is big enough for him to go through
it.

CHARLIE
It isn't big enough! He's slowing
down!

MIKE
He's gonna stick.

MR. TEAVEE
I think he has.

MR. SALT
He's blocked the whole pipe!

Indeed, chocolate is SWISHING around the boy in the pipe.
The pressure is terrific. Something has to give.

From a HIGH ANGLE, we look down on Augustus. In the river
below, we see the Oompa-Loompas have circled the pipe. Like
swimmers in an Esther Williams movie, they begin to perform a
series of elaborate and beautiful synchronized formations:
flowers, spirals, starbursts. It’s oddly glorious.




(CONTINUED)
58.
86 CONTINUED: 86


WHOOF! Augustus suddenly shoots up like a bullet in the
barrel of a gun. He disappears as the pipe passes through
the ceiling.


87 BACK ON THE SHORE 87

MRS. GLOOP
Ach! Ver does that pipe go to?
Kvick! Call the fire brigade!

WONKA
Keep calm, my dear lady, keep calm.
There is no danger whatsoever.
Augustus has gone on a little
journey, that's all. He'll come
out of it just fine, you wait and
see.

MRS. GLOOP
He vill be made into marshmallows!

WONKA
Impossible! Unthinkable! He could
never be made into marshmallows.
That pipe doesn't go to the
Marshmallow Room. It doesn't go
anywhere near it.

She seems a little relieved.

WONKA (CONT’D)
That pipe happens to lead directly
to the room where I make the most
delicious kind of strawberry-
flavored chocolate-coated fudge.

MRS. GLOOP
Then he'll be made into strawberry-
flavored chocolate-coated fudge!
They’ll be selling him by the pound
all over the vorld...

WONKA
I wouldn't allow it. The taste
would be terrible. Just imagine
it! Augustus-flavored chocolate-
coated Gloop! No one would buy it.

Ms. Beauregarde puts a sympathetic hand on Mrs. Gloop’s
shoulder.



(CONTINUED)
59.
87 CONTINUED: 87


MS. BEAUREGARDE
He’s right. They wouldn’t.

Wonka CLICKS his fingers three times. Immediately, a new
Oompa-Loompa appears, as if from nowhere, and stands beside
him.

The Oompa-Loompa bows and smiles, showing his beautiful
teeth. The top of his head comes just above Wonka's knee.

WONKA
I want you to take Mrs. Gloop up to
the Fudge Room and help her find
her son. Take a long stick and
start poking around inside the big
chocolate-mixing barrel. I'm
almost certain you'll find him
there.

The Oompa-Loompa gives a strange kind of salute, then
scurries off. Wonka gestures for Mrs. Gloop to follow him.
She runs, disappearing around the bend in the path.


88 BACK TO SCENE 88

The earlier MUSIC continues as more Oompa-Loompas gather.
Mike seems particularly perturbed by their proximity.

MIKE
Back off, you little freaks!

VERUCA
What are they doing?

WONKA
Why, I believe they’re going to
treat us to a song! It’s quite a
special occasion, of course. They
haven’t had a fresh audience in
years!

One Oompa-Loompa, evidently the SONG LEADER, plays a single
note on a PITCH PIPE. A beat, then all of the Oompa-Loompas
try to match the tone.

A CACOPHONY. They’re not even close. They’re all over the
scale, hitting quite a few notes unknown to mankind.

Everyone grimaces, even Wonka. But SONG LEADER is
undeterred.



(CONTINUED)
60.
88 CONTINUED: 88

Like a sorcerer summoning spirits, he coaxes his chorus into
perfect tune. Once they’ve finally settled on the same
“ahhhhh....”, the song can begin:

OOMPA-LOOMPAS
(singing)
Aaaaaaaaaugust Gloop! Augustus Gloop!
The great big greedy nincompoop!
He was fat! And he was vile!
Greedy, foul, and infantile!
He left a most disgusting taste,
Inside our mouths, and so in haste
'Come on!' we cried, 'The time is ripe
To send him shooting up the pipe!

The Oompa-Loompas sing and dance with the precise
synchronicity of a Busby-Berkley musical. And as they move
into the next verse, one of the Oompa-Loompas comes to the
foreground, dressed as (and acting like) the gluttonous
Augustus.

Oompa-Augustus pantomimes getting sucked up the pipe. A
SOLOIST slows the tempo to make a serious point:

SOLOIST
But don't, dear children, be alarmed;
Augustus Gloop will not be harmed...

OOMPA-LOOMPAS
(back to tempo)
Although, of course, we must admit
He will be altered quite a bit.
Slowly, the wheels go round and round,
The cogs begin to grind and pound;
A hundred knives go slice, slice, slice;
We add some sugar, cream, and spice.

The synchronized singers act as the “machinery” doing
dastardly things to Ooompa-Augustus.

OOMPA-LOOMPAS (CONT’D)
We boil him for a minute more,
Until we're absolutely sure
That all the greed and all the gall
Is boiled away for once and all.
Then out he comes! And now! By grace!
A miracle has taken place!

Oompa-Augustus disappears behind the singers.

OOMPA-LOOMPAS (CONT’D)
This boy, who only just before
Was loathed, by men from shore to shore,


(CONTINUED)
61.
88 CONTINUED: (2) 88

This greedy brute, this louse's ear,
Is loved by people everywhere!
For who could hate or bear a grudge
Against a luscious bit of...

The Oompa-Loompas part to reveal that Oompa-Augustus is now
an oversized box of Wonka candy. The song ends with a big
Broadway flourish, changing keys three times over a single
syllable:

OOMPA-LOOMPAS (CONT’D)
...Fu-uuh-uhh-uhh-dge!

With a quick bow, the Oompa-Loompas disperse, leaving the
visitors bewildered. Wonka, however, is APPLAUDING heartily.

WONKA
Bravo! Well done! Aren't they
delightful? Aren't they charming?

MR. TEAVEE
They sure are a musical people.

MR. SALT
I do say, that all seemed rather
rehearsed.

MIKE
Like they knew what was going to
happen to him.

WONKA
Nonsense! Improvisation is a
parlor trick. Anyone can do it.
You, little girl.
(points to Violet)
Say something. Anything at all.

She takes the gum from behind her ear and pops it in her
mouth.

VIOLET
Chewing gum.

WONKA
(singing)
Chewing gum is really gross,
Chewing gum, I hate the most!
(finished)
See? Exactly the same.

MIKE
No it isn’t.


(CONTINUED)
62.
88 CONTINUED: (3) 88


WONKA
You really shouldn’t mumble. I
can’t understand a word you’re
saying. Now, on with the tour!

Before anyone can protest further, Wonka heads down to a dock
built on the chocolate river.

CHARLIE
(to Grandpa Joe)
Are the Oompa-Loompas really
joking, Grandpa?

GRANDPA JOE
Of course they're joking. That boy
will be fine.

Grandpa Joe takes Charlie’s hand, just in case.
Genres: ["Fantasy","Adventure","Musical"]

Summary Augustus Gloop's indulgence in the chocolate river leads to a chaotic turn of events. He falls into the river and is sucked up a pipe, prompting the Oompa-Loompas to sing about his transformation into fudge. Amidst the panic and amusement, Wonka reassures Augustus's mother and sends an Oompa-Loompa to retrieve him from the Fudge Room.
Strengths
  • Innovative concept
  • Engaging characters
  • Dark humor
  • Musical elements
Weaknesses
  • Some may find the dark humor unsettling
  • Limited character development in this scene

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly engaging, combining elements of fantasy, adventure, and dark humor to create a captivating and memorable sequence.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of a magical chocolate factory with mischievous Oompa-Loompas and consequences for greedy behavior is innovative and well-executed.

Plot: 8

The plot advances as Augustus Gloop's greed leads to a comical yet dark outcome, setting the stage for further exploration of the factory and its challenges.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces unique and fantastical elements such as the Oompa-Loompas, chocolate rivers, and moral consequences, offering a fresh and imaginative take on the consequences of greed.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters, including Wonka, Augustus, and the Oompa-Loompas, are quirky and memorable, adding depth and humor to the scene.

Character Changes: 6

Augustus Gloop undergoes a physical transformation, highlighting the consequences of his greed, while other characters show varying reactions.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to maintain control and composure in the face of chaos and unexpected events. This reflects Wonka's need to appear in control and confident, even when things are going awry.

External Goal: 9

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to manage the situation with Augustus Gloop falling into the chocolate river and ensure that the visitors remain entertained and engaged.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict arises from Augustus Gloop's actions and the tension between the characters, adding depth to the scene.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene, represented by Augustus Gloop's actions and the Oompa-Loompas' performance, creates conflict and suspense, keeping the audience engaged.

High Stakes: 7

The high stakes are evident as Augustus Gloop's actions lead to a perilous situation, showcasing the dangers of greed in the factory.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing conflict, consequences, and character dynamics within the chocolate factory.

Unpredictability: 7

The scene is unpredictable due to unexpected events like Augustus Gloop falling into the chocolate river and the Oompa-Loompas' performance, adding suspense and intrigue.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the consequences of greed and gluttony. Augustus Gloop's actions lead to his transformation, highlighting the theme of morality and consequences.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene elicits a range of emotions, from amusement to shock, engaging the audience in the fantastical world of the chocolate factory.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is witty and humorous, especially during the Oompa-Loompa song, showcasing the eccentricity of the characters.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its blend of humor, suspense, and fantastical elements, keeping the audience entertained and invested in the unfolding events.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension, resolves conflicts, and maintains a balance between action and dialogue, contributing to its overall effectiveness.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions, character actions, and dialogue.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format that effectively introduces and resolves conflicts, maintains pacing, and advances the narrative.


Critique
  • The scene transitions abruptly from Wonka's negotiation with the Chief to the chaos of Augustus falling into the chocolate river, which can be disorienting for the audience.
  • There are multiple subplots happening simultaneously (Veruca wanting an Oompa-Loompa, Mrs. Gloop's distress, Mr. Salt's observations) that can make the scene feel cluttered and unfocused.
  • The Oompa-Loompa song and dance sequence, while entertaining, feels disconnected from the main narrative and interrupts the flow of the scene.
  • The resolution of Augustus Gloop's fate is rushed and lacks emotional impact, as the focus shifts quickly to the Oompa-Loompas' performance.
  • The dialogue between characters, especially Wonka's interactions with the visitors, can come off as forced and unnatural at times.
Suggestions
  • Consider restructuring the scene to have a smoother transition between the different plot points, allowing each subplot to be more cohesive and impactful.
  • Focus on the main narrative thread of Augustus Gloop falling into the chocolate river to maintain the scene's emotional core and avoid distractions.
  • Integrate the Oompa-Loompa song and dance sequence more organically into the scene to ensure it enhances the storytelling rather than detracts from it.
  • Provide a more satisfying resolution to Augustus Gloop's storyline, allowing for a moment of reflection or consequence before moving on to the next plot point.
  • Refine the dialogue to make it more authentic and engaging, ensuring that each character's voice is distinct and contributes meaningfully to the scene.



Scene 25 -  A Whimsical Journey on the Chocolate River
89 INT. THE RIVER DOCK - DAY 89

In the distance, a steamy fog rises up from the great warm
chocolate river. Out of the mist appears a most fantastic
pink boat.

Built like a Viking ship of old, it looks to be made of
bright, pink glass. (In fact, it’s sugar.) There are many
oars on either side of it, and as the boat comes closer, we
can see the oars are pulled by masses of identical OOMPA-
LOOMPAS -- at least six of them to each oar.

The boat glides up to the dock, where Wonka is changing into
an outfit better suited for sailing.

The Oompa-Loompas rest on their oars and stare up at the
visitors. Then suddenly, for some reason best known to
themselves, they all burst into shrieks of LAUGHTER.

VIOLET
What's so funny?

WONKA
Oh, don't worry about them!
They're always laughing! I think
it’s from all the chocolate. Did
you know, there’s a substance in
chocolate that releases endorphins
exactly like being in love?

MS. BEAUREGARDE
You don’t say.


(CONTINUED)
63.
89 CONTINUED: 89


She gives him flirtatious eyes. Wonka is bewildered, and a
little annoyed.

Meanwhile, the kids eagerly leap on board.

WONKA
You there! Please do not lick the
boat! It'll only make it sticky!

The boy -- Mike Teavee -- gives a “whatever” shrug and slumps
back, hogging a few seats to himself.

MR. TEAVEE
(low, to Mike)
Y’know, you oughta be more
respectful.

MIKE
And you oughta butt out. I didn’t
see you winning a Golden Ticket.

Veruca and her father take the seats behind the Teavees.

VERUCA
Daddy, I want a boat like this! I
want you to buy me a big pink boat
exactly like Mr. Wonka's! And I
want lots of Oompa-Loompas to row
me about, and I want a chocolate
river and I want...

In the back of the boat, Grandpa Joe WHISPERS to Charlie...

GRANDPA JOE
She wants a good kick in the pants.

Charlie smiles. Now that everyone’s aboard --

WONKA
Onward!

The Oompa-Loompas push off from the docks, rowing down the
chocolate river.

Wonka looks for a seat. Ms. Beauregarde gestures that she
has one available, but Wonka quickly chooses to sit next to
Charlie.

With a sudden idea, Wonka picks up a large mug and dips it
into the river, filling it with chocolate. He hands it to
Charlie.



(CONTINUED)
64.
89 CONTINUED: (2) 89


WONKA (CONT’D)
Drink this. It'll do you good.
You look starved to death!

Charlie tries it, and as we might expect...

CHARLIE
It’s great!

WONKA
That's because it's mixed by
waterfall.

Charlie hands the mug over to Grandpa Joe for a taste.
Meanwhile, Wonka notices all the children are looking at him.

WONKA (CONT’D)
You’re all quite short, aren’t you?

VIOLET
Well, yeah. We’re children?

WONKA
That’s not much of an excuse. I
was never as short as you.

MIKE
You were once.

WONKA
Never! For instance, I distinctly
remember putting a hat on top of my
head. Look at your short arms.
You could never reach!

VERUCA
That doesn’t make sense.

WONKA
(to Grandpa Joe)
I didn’t talk back to my elders,
either.

CHARLIE
Do you even remember what it was
like being a kid?

WONKA
Do I!
(beat; realizing)
Do I?



(CONTINUED)
65.
89 CONTINUED: (3) 89


NARRATOR (V.O.)
In fact, Willy Wonka hadn’t thought
about his childhood for years.

NOSTALGIC TRANSITION TO:
Genres: ["Fantasy","Adventure","Family"]

Summary Charlie Bucket and the other children embark on a boat ride down the chocolate river with Willy Wonka. Wonka offers Charlie chocolate, reminisces about his childhood, and comments on the children's heights. Veruca Salt demands a similar boat and Oompa-Loompas from her father, prompting Grandpa Joe to express a desire to kick her. The scene concludes with a transition to Wonka's childhood memories.
Strengths
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Visual creativity
  • Character interactions
Weaknesses
  • Lack of high stakes
  • Limited character development in this specific scene

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is engaging, visually captivating, and sets the stage for further exploration of the fantastical world of the chocolate factory.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a boat ride down a chocolate river in a magical factory is innovative and captivating, adding to the whimsical nature of the story.

Plot: 7

The plot advances as the characters embark on a new adventure within the factory, setting the stage for further exploration and character development.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh and imaginative setting with unique characters and dialogue. The interactions between the characters feel authentic and engaging, adding originality to the familiar concept of a factory tour.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters interact in interesting ways, showcasing their personalities and dynamics, adding depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 6

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, it sets the stage for potential growth and development in the future.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to maintain control and composure in front of the visitors, despite their eccentric behavior and demands. This reflects Wonka's need to uphold his mysterious and enigmatic persona.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to guide the visitors on a tour of his chocolate factory and ensure they follow his rules and instructions. This reflects the immediate challenge of managing a group of curious and demanding guests.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

There is mild conflict between the characters, mostly in the form of playful banter and differences in personalities.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create tension and conflict, but not overwhelming. The characters face challenges and obstacles that add depth to their interactions and motivations.

High Stakes: 5

The stakes are relatively low in this scene, focusing more on exploration and character dynamics rather than intense conflict.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing new elements, deepening character relationships, and setting up future events.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable due to the eccentric behavior of the characters and the unexpected twists in dialogue. The audience is kept on their toes, unsure of how the interactions will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

There is a philosophical conflict between Wonka's unconventional and whimsical worldview and the visitors' more practical and skeptical perspectives. This challenges the visitors' beliefs and values, as they struggle to understand Wonka's eccentric behavior and statements.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a sense of nostalgia and wonder, creating an emotional connection with the audience.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is witty, playful, and reveals character traits, enhancing the scene's humor and engagement.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its whimsical setting, witty dialogue, and dynamic character interactions. The humor and fantastical elements keep the audience entertained and invested in the story.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a good balance of dialogue, action, and character moments. The rhythm of the scene keeps the audience engaged and maintains a sense of momentum.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions, character actions, and dialogue cues. The formatting enhances the readability and flow of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with well-paced dialogue and character interactions. It effectively sets up the tour of the chocolate factory and establishes the dynamic between the characters.


Critique
  • The scene transitions from the Chocolate Room to the River Dock smoothly, but the introduction of the pink glass boat made of sugar could be described in more detail to enhance the visual imagery.
  • The interaction between Wonka and the Oompa-Loompas could be further developed to showcase their unique personalities and add depth to their characters.
  • The dialogue between the characters, especially the children and their parents, could be more dynamic and reflective of their individual traits and relationships.
  • The humor in the scene, particularly with Veruca's demands and Grandpa Joe's whispered comment to Charlie, could be heightened to create more comedic moments.
  • The revelation about chocolate releasing endorphins like being in love could be explored further to add a layer of whimsy and intrigue to Wonka's character.
Suggestions
  • Provide more vivid descriptions of the pink glass boat and the Oompa-Loompas to create a more immersive visual experience for the audience.
  • Enhance the dialogue to reflect the unique personalities and dynamics of each character, adding depth and authenticity to their interactions.
  • Introduce more comedic elements and witty exchanges between the characters to elevate the humor in the scene and engage the audience.
  • Explore the concept of chocolate releasing endorphins further, tying it back to Wonka's eccentricities and love for all things sweet.
  • Consider adding small moments of character development or backstory to enrich the scene and deepen the audience's connection to the characters.



Scene 26 -  Willy Wonka's Childhood Memory
90 EXT. PICKWICKET AVENUE - NIGHT [THIRTY YEARS AGO] 90

All along this street of narrow row houses, packs of CHILDREN
in Halloween costumes go door-to-door. We focus on one group
of GHOSTS, WITCHES and MONSTERS as they climb the steps up to
a doorway. The littlest witch stands on tip-toes to reach
the DOORBELL.

CUT TO:


91 INT./EXT. FOYER - NIGHT [THIRTY YEARS AGO] 91

A PLUMP, JOLLY WOMAN swings open the door, holding a bowl
full of candy.

THE KIDS
Trick or treat!

JOLLY WOMAN
Oh! Who do we have here?
(going down the row)
Ruthie, Veronica, Terrance...and
who’s that under the sheet?

A ghost pulls up his sheet to reveal...

JOLLY WOMAN (CONT’D)
Little Willy Wonka!

Little Willy smiles, though his draconian orthodontic
headgear makes it tough. As the Jolly Woman doles out the
candy...

NARRATOR (V.O.)
Willy Wonka was the son of the
city’s most famous dentist, Wilbur
Wadsworth Wonka.

TRANSITION TO:
66.




92 EXT. HOUSE ON PICKWICKET AVENUE - NIGHT [THIRTY YEARS AGO] 92

A sign for “Wonka Dentistry” points down to the basement-
level entrance. Still wearing his ghost costume, Willy
climbs the stairs to the family home.


93 INT. WONKA FAMILY LIVING ROOM - NIGHT [THIRTY YEARS AGO] 93

Bizarre, frightening shadows fall upon the panelled walls.
As we go WIDER, we find it’s just Little Willy and his
Brobdingnagian orthodontics. He’s sitting at the parlor
table with his father, DR. WILBUR WONKA, D.D.S., who carries
himself with the smug superiority of a man who knows big
words for simple things.

DR. WONKA
Let’s see what the damage is this
year, shall we?

He upends Willy’s candy bucket, pouring the contents onto the
table. As he sorts through it --

DR. WONKA (CONT’D)
Caramels. They’d get stuck in your
braces, wouldn’t they?

He sets the caramels aside.

DR. WONKA (CONT’D)
Lollipops. Ought to call them
“cavities on a stick.”

He puts them aside as well.

DR. WONKA (CONT’D)
Which leaves all this chocolate.
Now, just last week I was reading
in an Important Medical Journal
that some children -- I can’t
remember the exact percentage --
are allergic to chocolate. It
makes their noses itch.

LITTLE WILLY
Maybe I’m not allergic. I could
try a piece...

DR. WONKA
But really, why take the chance?



(CONTINUED)
67.
93 CONTINUED: 93


With his arm, Dr. Wonka carefully sweeps all the candy off
the table, and into a large ashtray. As Little Willy watches
in horror, Dr. Wonka dumps the candy into the roaring
fireplace.

CLOSE ON the sugary treasures as they burn, blue flames
POPPING and chocolate melting into the cinders.

Dr. Wonka scruffs the top of Little Willy’s head as he walks
out of the room. Off Little Willy’s sad eyes, we...

MATCH CUT TO:


94 WILLY WONKA. 94

We’re back in the pink boat as it floats down the chocolate
river. Wonka is still lost in the memory.

CHARLIE
Mr. Wonka? Mr. Wonka! We’re
headed for a tunnel!

Wonka suddenly snaps out of it.

WONKA
Oh! Yes! Full speed ahead!

The Oompa-Loompas row faster than ever. As the boat shoots
into the pitch-dark tunnel, all the passengers SCREAM with
excitement.

VIOLET
How can they see where they're
going?

WONKA
There's no knowing where they're
going! Switch on the lights!


95 THE WHOLE TUNNEL 95

suddenly lights up. The upward-curving walls are pure white
and spotlessly clean. The river of chocolate flows very
fast. The Oompa-Loompas row like crazy to keep up with it.

WONKA
Keep an eye out! We’re passing
some important rooms here!




(CONTINUED)
68.
95 CONTINUED: 95


Several doorways are set into the walls of the tunnel, just
above the level of the river. As the boat floats past, there
is just enough time to read the writing on the doors:

#54
CLOTTED CREAM
COFFEE CREAM
PASTRY CREAM
and HAIR CREAM

VIOLET
What do you use hair cream for?

WONKA
(touching his curly locks)
To lock in moisture.

We pass an OPEN DOOR, inside of which we see a cow hanging
from a hammock. An Oompa-Loompa CRACKS a whip in the air.
The cow MOOS.

CHARLIE
(to Wonka)
Whipped cream?

WONKA
(impressed)
Precisely!

Up next:

#77
COCOA BEANS
COFFEE BEANS
JELLY BEANS
and HAS BEANS

VERUCA
What are “Has Beans?”

WONKA
Child stars, former celebrities,
the usual lot.

Five seconds later, a bright red door comes into sight
straight ahead. The sign reads:

INVENTING ROOM
PRIVATE -- KEEP OUT!

Wonka waves his gold-topped cane in the air and SHOUTS --



(CONTINUED)
69.
95 CONTINUED: (2) 95


WONKA (CONT'D)
Stop the boat! This you have to
see!
Genres: ["Fantasy","Adventure","Family"]

Summary Thirty years ago, a young Willy Wonka had his Halloween candy confiscated and burned by his dentist father. In the present day, Wonka leads a group through his factory's chocolate river, pointing out various rooms where ingredients are made and stored. As they enter a tunnel, Wonka's nostalgia for his childhood is bittersweet.
Strengths
  • Visually captivating setting
  • Introduction of key characters
  • Eccentric and humorous dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Minimal conflict
  • Lack of character development

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly engaging, visually captivating, and sets the stage for the fantastical journey ahead.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of a chocolate room with unique elements like edible flora and Oompa-Loompas is innovative and sets the tone for the whimsical nature of the story.

Plot: 8

The plot advances as the characters explore the Chocolate Room, providing insight into Wonka's character and the fantastical world of the factory.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the father-son dynamic, incorporating elements of Halloween and dentistry to create a unique setting and conflict. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters' reactions to the Chocolate Room reveal their personalities and add depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 6

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the characters' reactions provide insight into their personalities.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to navigate his father's strict rules and expectations while also trying to enjoy Halloween and indulge in candy. This reflects his desire for independence and autonomy, as well as his fear of disappointing his father.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to collect as much candy as possible during trick-or-treating. This reflects the immediate challenge of balancing his desires with his father's restrictions.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 5

There is minimal conflict in this scene, focusing more on exploration and wonder.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Dr. Wonka serving as a formidable obstacle to Little Willy's desires and goals. The audience is left uncertain about how the conflict will be resolved.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes are relatively low in this scene, focusing more on exploration and discovery.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing key elements of the factory and Wonka's character.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it subverts expectations of a typical Halloween scene by introducing themes of control and rebellion within a family dynamic.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the clash between indulgence and discipline, freedom and authority. Dr. Wonka represents strict rules and control, while Little Willy represents rebellion and desire for enjoyment.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a sense of wonder and excitement, especially with the introduction of the fantastical elements.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is informative and showcases Wonka's eccentricity and humor.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it combines elements of humor, tension, and mystery, keeping the audience invested in the protagonist's journey and conflicts.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a balance of dialogue, action, and description that maintains the audience's interest and builds tension effectively.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings and descriptions. The formatting enhances the readability and flow of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure, transitioning smoothly between different locations and characters. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the effectiveness of the scene.


Critique
  • The transition from Willy Wonka's childhood memory to the present-day scene on the pink boat could be smoother and more seamless. Consider using visual or auditory cues to connect the two timelines.
  • The scene with Willy Wonka as a child and his father burning his Halloween candy is impactful and sets up the contrast between his past and present. However, the transition back to the present could be more emotionally resonant to tie in the significance of his childhood trauma with his current behavior.
  • The dialogue between Dr. Wonka and Little Willy is effective in establishing the strict and authoritarian nature of Willy's upbringing. This dynamic could be further explored in the present-day scenes to deepen Willy's character development.
  • The visual imagery of the candy burning in the fireplace is powerful and symbolic. Consider revisiting this imagery in later scenes to reinforce the impact of Willy's childhood experiences on his adult life.
  • The introduction of the tunnel and the various rooms with whimsical names adds to the fantastical nature of the factory tour. However, the transition from the emotional flashback to the lighthearted boat ride could be more nuanced to maintain the emotional depth of the story.
Suggestions
  • Consider incorporating visual or auditory cues to smoothly transition between Willy Wonka's childhood memory and the present-day scene on the pink boat.
  • Explore ways to connect Willy's childhood trauma with his current behavior and decisions throughout the factory tour to create a more cohesive narrative arc.
  • Revisit the powerful visual imagery of the candy burning in the fireplace to reinforce the impact of Willy's past experiences on his present actions.
  • Maintain the emotional depth of the story by balancing the whimsical elements of the factory tour with the underlying themes of Willy's upbringing and personal growth.
  • Look for opportunities to interweave Willy's past and present experiences to create a more cohesive and emotionally resonant storyline.



Scene 27 -  Violet's Blueberry Mishap
96 INT. THE INVENTING ROOM - DAY 96

The place is like a witch's kitchen: black metal pots BOIL
and BUBBLE on huge stoves, kettles HISS, pan SIZZLE, strange
iron machines CLANK and SPUTTER.

Wearing his inventing smock, Wonka hops through the saucepans
and the machines like a child among Christmas presents, not
knowing which thing to look at first. He lifts the lid from
a huge pot and takes a good sniff, then rushes over and dips
a finger into a barrel of sticky yellow stuff and has a
taste.

WONKA
This is the most important room in
the entire factory, where I develop
all my secret new inventions!
Prodnose and Fickelgruber would
give their front teeth to be
allowed inside for just three
minutes!

The group breaks into smaller clusters as the visitors
investigate different strange contraptions. The parents hang
back while the children keep with Wonka.

A small shiny machine goes PHUT-PHUT-PHUT. Every time it
goes PHUT, a large green marble-like candy drops out of it
into a basket on the floor. Wonka picks one up.

WONKA (CONT’D)
Everlasting Gobstoppers! They’re
for children who are given very
little allowance money. You can
suck on it all year and it will
never get any smaller!

VIOLET
It's like gum!

Wonka can’t believe the idiotic comparison. Almost furious:

WONKA
It is not like gum! Gum is for
chewing and if you tried chewing
one of these Gobstoppers you'd
break your teeth off!
(MORE)

(CONTINUED)
70.
96 CONTINUED: 96
WONKA (CONT'D)
(suddenly chipper)
But they taste terrific!

While Wonka pushes on, Violet look back at her mother, who
shoots a chastening glare. Veruca takes Violet by the hand,
offering reassurance.

VERUCA
I think Mr. Wonka likes you.

VIOLET
Really?

VERUCA
No.

Veruca dunks Violet’s hand in a pot of goo, then skips off.

Ms. Beauregarde leans down and WHISPERS to Violet:

MS. BEAUREGARDE
Eyes on the prize, Violet. Eyes on
the prize.

Violet nods. Slapping herself, she puts her game face back
on.


A97 CHARLIE, MIKE AND WONKA A97

stop beside a large saucepan that boils and bubbles.
Standing on his toes, Charlie can see just inside the pot.

WONKA
That's Hair Toffee! You eat one
tiny bit, and in exactly half an
hour a brand-new crop of hair will
start growing out all over the top
of your head! And a moustache and
a beard!

MIKE
Who wants a beard?

WONKA
Beatniks, for one! Folk singers
and motor-bike riders! You know,
all those hip, zazzy cats!

Charlie and Mike just blink. Wonka’s references are
completely lost on them. Moving on...




(CONTINUED)
71.
A97 CONTINUED: A97


WONKA (CONT'D)
Unfortunately the mixture is not
quite right. I tried it on an
Oompa-Loompa yesterday, and,
well...

He turns to a massive pile of hair...

WONKA (CONT’D)
(to the hair)
How are you doing today?

A tiny Oompa-Loompa hand sticks out from the hairy pile,
giving the thumbs up. The shambling mound then begins to
walk away.


97 THE CENTER OF THE ROOM 97

Wonka presses three different buttons on the side of a giant
machine. A mighty RUMBLING SOUND comes from inside it, and
steam HISSES out of it all over. Instinctively, everyone
takes a few steps back.

Runny goo pours down glass tubes, squirting into a great tub
below. In every single tube the goo is a different color, so
that all the colors of the rainbow (and many others as well)
SLOSH and SPLASH into the tub.

A giant whizzer starts whizzing round inside the enormous
tub, mixing up all the different colored liquids like an ice
cream soda. It becomes frothier and frothier.

WONKA
Watch! This is the crucial part.

With a SUCKING noise, all the blue frothy mixture in the huge
basin disappears into the stomach of the machine. There is a
moment of silence. Then a few odd RUMBLINGS. Silence again.
Then suddenly, the machine lets out a monstrous mighty GROAN,
and at the same moment

A TINY DRAWER

pops out of the side of the machine. In the drawer lies
something so small and thin and grey that everyone thinks it
must be a mistake. It looks like a little strip of grey
cardboard.

MIKE
You mean that's it?



(CONTINUED)
72.
97 CONTINUED: 97


WONKA
That's it? Don't you know what
“it” is?

VIOLET
It's gum!

WONKA
Yes! It's a stick of gum!

Violet and her mother are psyched -- they’re back in the
zone.

WONKA (CONT’D)
It's a stick of the most amazing
and sensational gum in the world!
For you see, this gum is a whole
three-course dinner all by itself!

MR. SALT
Why would anyone want that?

WONKA
When I start selling this gum in
the shops it will change
everything! It will be the end of
all kitchens and all cooking! Just
a little strip of Wonka's magic
chewing gum -- and that's all
you'll ever need at breakfast,
lunch, and dinner! This piece of
gum I've just made happens to be
tomato soup, roast beef, and
blueberry pie!

No one notices as Violet takes her own world-record piece of
chewing gum out of her mouth and sticks it behind her left
year.

MR. TEAVEE
What do you mean, it's tomato soup,
roast beef, and blueberry pie?

WONKA
If you were to start chewing it,
then that is exactly what you would
get. You can taste it perfectly!
And it fills you up! It's
terrific.

GRANDPA JOE
It sounds great.


(CONTINUED)
73.
97 CONTINUED: (2) 97


VERUCA
It sounds weird.

VIOLET
It sounds like my kind of gum.

Violet takes the stick out of the drawer.

WONKA
I would rather you didn't. There
are still one or two things...

VIOLET
I’m the world-record holder in
chewing gum. I’m not afraid of
anything!

Before Wonka can stop her,


98 VIOLET POPS IT INTO HER MOUTH. 98

At once, her well-trained jaws start chewing away on it like
a pair of tongs.

MS. BEAUREGARDE
How is it, honey?

VIOLET
It’s amazing. Tomato soup! I can
feel it running down my throat!

WONKA
You really should spit it out.

GRANDPA JOE
Young lady, I think you better...

VIOLET
(still chewing)
It's changing. It's roast beef!
Baked potato. With crispy skin and
butter.

MS. BEAUREGARDE
Keep chewing, kiddo. My little
girl is the first person in the
world to have a chewing-gum meal!

Charlie stares at Violet absolutely spellbound, watching her
huge rubbery lips as they press and unpress with chewing.
Wonka wrings his hands...


(CONTINUED)
74.
98 CONTINUED: 98


WONKA
I’m just concerned about the...

VIOLET
Blueberry pie and ice cream!

VERUCA
What's happening to her nose?

MR. SALT
It's turning blue!

Indeed, the tip of Violet’s nose has become a very noticeable
shade of blue. What’s more, the color is spreading.

MS. BEAUREGARDE
Your whole nose has gone purple!

VIOLET
What do you mean?

MS. BEAUREGARDE
Violet, you're turning...violet!
What’s happening?

WONKA
I told you I hadn't got it quite
right.

Violet's face and hands and legs and neck, in fact the skin
all over her body, as well as her hair, has turned a
brilliant, purplish-blue, the color of blueberry juice.

WONKA (CONT'D)
It always goes wrong when we come
to the dessert.
(to Mr. Teavee)
It's the blueberry pie that does
it.

VIOLET
I don’t feel so good.

GRANDPA JOE
She’s swelling up!

CHARLIE
Like a blueberry.

Indeed, her track suit is starting to bulge in the center, as
her stomach inflates to giant proportions.
75.




99 FROM A VERY SHORT DOORWAY, 99

a new group of Oompa-Loompas rush in. They quickly climb on
top of all the tables, shelves and other furniture. Their
new song is a Queen-worthy ROCK OPERA, accented by miniature
pyrotechnics coming off the various machines.

They sing:

OOMPA-LOOMPAS
Listen close, and listen hard,
To the tale of Violet Beauregarde!
This dreadful girl, she sees no wrong
In chewing, chewing all day long.


As they sing, they toss bits of laboratory equipment back and
forth. Pot lids slice through the air like frisbees. One
nearly decapitates Mr. Teavee.

Meanwhile, Violet continues to swell.

WONKA
(sighing)
I've tried it on twenty Oompa-
Loompas, and every one of them
finished up as a blueberry. I just
can't understand it.

MS. BEAUREGARDE
But I don't want a blueberry for a
daughter! How is she supposed to
compete?

VERUCA
You could put her in a State Fair.

VIOLET
Ahhhh...

Violet falls over backwards, but her butt is now so big she
barely drops at all. In mere moments, all that remains of
Violet is a tiny pair of legs and a tiny pair of arms
sticking out of the great round fruit, and a little head on
top.

As the Oompa-Loompas continue their song, they roll her
around.




(CONTINUED)
76.
99 CONTINUED: 99


OOMPA-LOOMPAS
She goes on chewing till, at last,
Her chewing muscles grow so vast
That from her face her giant chin
Sticks out like a violin.
For years and years she chews away,
Consuming fifty packs a day.
She chews and chews throughout the night,
With nothing handy there to bite.
Until at last her jaws decide
To pause and open extra wide,
And with the most tremendous chew
They bite the poor girl’s tongue in two.

The MUSIC stops. The Oompa-Loompas continue a cappella.

OOMPA-LOOMPAS (CONT’D)
Thereafter, just from chewing gum,
Miss Beauregarde is always dumb.

And that is why we'll try so hard
To save Miss Violet Beauregarde
From suffering her chosen fate.
She's still quite young. It's not too late,
Provided that she takes the cure.

MUSIC kicks back in for a massive power-chord finale:

OOMPA-LOOMPAS (CONT’D)
We hope she does! We can't be sure!

Wonka APPLAUDS, gesturing for the others to join him.

WONKA
Roll Miss Beauregarde into the boat
and take her along to the Juicing
Room at once.

MS. BEAUREGARDE
The Juicing Room? What are they
going to do to her there?

WONKA
Squeeze her. We've got to squeeze
the juice out of her immediately.
But don't worry, ma’am. We've had
lots of practice with this.

Already, ten Oompa-Loompas roll the enormous blueberry across
the floor and out the door.




(CONTINUED)
77.
99 CONTINUED: (2) 99


VIOLET
Mother!

Ms. Beauregarde hurries after them.

TRANSITION TO:
Genres: ["Fantasy","Adventure","Comedy"]

Summary In the Wonka factory's Inventing Room, Wonka presents his latest inventions, including Everlasting Gobstoppers and Hair Toffee. As he unveils his three-course dinner chewing gum, Violet Beauregarde excitedly tries it despite warnings. However, her body transforms into a giant blueberry due to unexpected side effects, raising concerns about Wonka's inventions and parental pressure.
Strengths
  • Inventive candy inventions
  • Humorous dialogue
  • Surreal and whimsical tone
Weaknesses
  • Limited emotional depth
  • Slight predictability in consequences

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is highly engaging, filled with imaginative and humorous elements that keep the audience entertained.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of a room where Willy Wonka creates unique and fantastical candy inventions is both creative and captivating.

Plot: 8

The plot advances as Violet Beauregarde experiences the consequences of chewing Wonka's experimental gum, adding tension and humor to the scene.

Originality: 9

The scene demonstrates a high level of originality through its imaginative inventions, quirky characters, and unexpected twists. The dialogue and actions of the characters feel authentic and fresh, adding depth to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 7

The characters, especially Willy Wonka and Violet Beauregarde, showcase their distinct personalities and quirks, adding depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 7

Violet undergoes a significant physical change, showcasing the consequences of her actions and leading to potential character growth.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to showcase his creativity and ingenuity through his inventions, as well as to impress and entertain his visitors. This reflects his desire for recognition and validation of his unique talents.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to demonstrate the capabilities of his inventions to the visitors and potentially gain their approval and admiration. This reflects his desire to maintain the reputation of his factory and secure future business opportunities.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict arises from Violet's reckless behavior and the consequences she faces, adding a layer of tension and humor.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicts arising from the characters' differing perspectives, reactions, and desires. The obstacles they face challenge their beliefs and values, creating tension and drama that drive the plot forward.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are raised as Violet's transformation highlights the potential dangers of Wonka's experimental creations.

Story Forward: 8

The scene propels the story forward by introducing a new conflict and consequence, setting the stage for further developments.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists and turns in the plot, such as Violet turning into a blueberry and the Oompa-Loompas' rock opera performance. These surprising elements add depth and intrigue to the narrative, keeping the audience on their toes.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the clash between traditional values and innovative ideas. This is portrayed through the reactions of the visitors to Wonka's unconventional inventions, highlighting the tension between old and new ways of thinking.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

While the scene is more focused on humor and absurdity, there is a slight emotional impact as Violet undergoes a drastic transformation.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is witty, humorous, and serves to highlight the absurdity of the situation, enhancing the overall tone of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its blend of humor, suspense, and fantastical elements that keep the audience invested in the characters and their journey. The unexpected developments and lively interactions create a sense of excitement and anticipation.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension, suspense, and excitement through a series of escalating events and revelations. The rhythm of the dialogue and actions keeps the audience engaged and invested in the outcome.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear descriptions, dialogue, and scene directions that enhance the visual and emotional impact of the story.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup, development, and resolution of conflicts. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness in building tension and engaging the audience.


Critique
  • The scene in the Inventing Room is chaotic and lacks focus, with multiple inventions being introduced in a short span of time.
  • The dialogue between Wonka and the children feels forced and lacks depth, especially in the interactions with Violet and her mother.
  • The transition from the Hair Toffee to the Three-Course Dinner Chewing Gum feels abrupt and disjointed.
  • The transformation of Violet into a blueberry lacks emotional impact and the consequences of her actions are not fully explored.
  • The Oompa-Loompa song feels rushed and the humor falls flat, missing the opportunity to delve deeper into the moral lessons of the story.
Suggestions
  • Focus on one or two inventions in the Inventing Room to give them more depth and significance.
  • Develop the interactions between Wonka and the children to make them more engaging and meaningful.
  • Smooth out the transition between different inventions to create a more cohesive narrative flow.
  • Enhance the consequences of Violet's actions and explore the emotional impact of her transformation.
  • Revise the Oompa-Loompa song to deliver a stronger moral message and tie it back to the overall themes of the story.



Scene 28 -  Willy Wonka's Mystery Hallway
100 INT. ANOTHER HALLWAY - DAY 100

Walking just as briskly as ever, Wonka leads the remaining
party to a new section of the factory. He’s wearing another
new outfit.

There are doors every twenty feet or so along the corridor
now, and they each have something written on them, and
strange CLANKING noises come from behind several of them.
Sometimes little jets of colored steam shoot out from the
cracks underneath.

WONKA
Without the boat, we’ll have move
double-time to just keep on
schedule. There’s really far too
much to see.

Charlie almost has to run to keep up with him.

CHARLIE
Mr. Wonka?

WONKA
Yes!

CHARLIE
Why did you decide to let people
in?

WONKA
So they could see the factory, of
course!

CHARLIE
But why now? And why only five?

Wonka stops.

WONKA
Do you always ask so many
questions?




(CONTINUED)
78.
100 CONTINUED: 100


CHARLIE
Yes.

MIKE
What’s the special prize one of us
gets at the end? And who gets it?

WONKA
The best kind of prize is a
surprise.

Feeling left out...

VERUCA
Will Violet always be a blueberry?

WONKA
She’ll be a rich shade of purple.
But that’s what you get from
chewing gum all day?

MIKE
If you hate gum so much, why do you
make it?

Stumped...

WONKA
Once again, you really shouldn’t
mumble!

Wonka notices another door he hadn’t planned to show. But
now that they’ve stopped...

WONKA (CONT’D)
Oooh! I am very proud of my Square
Candies That Look Round. Let's
take a peek.
Genres: ["Fantasy","Adventure","Family"]

Summary Willy Wonka leads Charlie, Mike, Veruca, and Augustus Gloop through a hallway filled with strange noises and colored steam. Charlie asks why only five people were chosen, Mike asks about the special prize, and Veruca asks about Violet's fate. Wonka evades their questions and continues to lead them through the factory.
Strengths
  • Whimsical and mysterious atmosphere
  • Playful and witty dialogue
  • Character interactions and dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Lack of intense conflict
  • Limited character development in this specific scene

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively captures the whimsical and mysterious atmosphere of Willy Wonka's factory, engaging the audience with its unique elements and character interactions.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring Willy Wonka's eccentric factory and encountering strange inventions and unexpected consequences is well-executed, adding depth and intrigue to the story.

Plot: 7

The plot progresses as the characters move through different sections of the factory, introducing new elements and challenges. The scene sets up future conflicts and character developments.

Originality: 9

The scene demonstrates a high level of originality with its imaginative setting, quirky characters, and fresh approach to the theme of curiosity and exploration.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters' personalities shine through in their interactions with Wonka and each other, adding humor and depth to the scene. Each character's quirks and reactions contribute to the overall tone.

Character Changes: 6

There are subtle changes in the characters' perceptions and interactions as they navigate the factory and encounter new challenges, setting the stage for potential growth and development.

Internal Goal: 8

Charlie's internal goal in this scene is to understand the motivations behind Willy Wonka's decision to let people into the factory and to learn more about the special prize and the other children's fates.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to keep up with Willy Wonka and explore the factory despite the challenges and mysteries presented.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

While there are minor conflicts and tensions between the characters, the scene focuses more on exploration and discovery rather than intense conflict.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create tension and conflict, with the characters questioning Wonka's decisions and motives, adding complexity to the narrative.

High Stakes: 5

While there are risks and consequences for the characters' actions, the stakes are relatively low in this scene compared to other parts of the story.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing new elements, conflicts, and character dynamics, setting up future events and developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in dialogue and character interactions, keeping the audience intrigued and unsure of the characters' motives.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is between curiosity and secrecy, as Charlie and the other children question Wonka's decisions and motives, while Wonka maintains his enigmatic and mysterious demeanor.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a sense of wonder, excitement, and curiosity in the audience, as they explore the fantastical world of Willy Wonka's factory.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is witty, playful, and eccentric, reflecting the unique personalities of the characters and adding humor and intrigue to the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its fast-paced dialogue, mysterious atmosphere, and the dynamic interactions between the characters.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining a sense of urgency and curiosity, keeping the audience engaged and eager to learn more.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 7

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with proper scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear character interactions, dialogue, and descriptions that advance the plot and develop the characters.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear sense of direction and purpose, with the dialogue feeling disjointed and lacking depth.
  • The interaction between the characters, especially Wonka and the children, feels superficial and doesn't add much to the overall story.
  • The questions asked by the children seem random and don't contribute to the development of the characters or the plot.
  • The dialogue feels forced and doesn't flow naturally, making it difficult for the audience to stay engaged.
  • There is a missed opportunity to delve deeper into Wonka's motivations for letting people into the factory and why he chose only five visitors.
Suggestions
  • Consider restructuring the scene to have a clearer focus and purpose, with more meaningful interactions between the characters.
  • Develop the dialogue to be more engaging and reflective of the characters' personalities and motivations.
  • Add depth to the questions asked by the children to provide insight into their curiosity and the world of the factory.
  • Work on making the dialogue more natural and conversational to enhance the flow of the scene.
  • Explore Wonka's reasons for letting people into the factory and why he chose only five visitors to add depth to his character and the overall story.



Scene 29 -  The Square Candies
101 INT. SQUARE CANDY ROOM - DAY 101

Wonka leads the group up to a long table with rows and rows
of small white square-shaped candies. The candies look very
much like sugar cubes -- except that each of them has a funny
little pink face painted on one side.

At the end of the table, a number of Oompa-Loompas busily
paint more faces on more candies.




(CONTINUED)
79.
101 CONTINUED: 101


WONKA
There you are! Square candies that
look round.

MIKE
No they don’t.

MR. TEAVEE
They don't look round to me.

VERUCA
They look square. They look
completely square.

WONKA
But they are square. I never said
they weren't.

VERUCA
You said they were round.

WONKA
I never said anything of the sort.
I said they looked round.

VERUCA
But they don't look round! They
look square!

WONKA
They look round.

VERUCA
They most certainly do not look
round.

MR. SALT
Veruca, honey. Pay no attention to
Mr. Wonka.

As Mr. Salt moves to comfort Veruca, all the rows and rows of
little square candies quickly turn to look at him.

MR. TEAVEE
Holy...

WONKA
There you are! They're looking
’round! There's no argument about
it! They are square candies that
look ’round!



(CONTINUED)
80.
101 CONTINUED: (2) 101


GRANDPA JOE
By golly, he's right!

VERUCA
Well, I wouldn’t want to eat one.

WONKA
They wouldn’t want to eat you
either!

MR. TEAVEE
Mr. Wonka, no offense, but you make
some really strange candy.

WONKA
I suppose I make whatever I feel
like. Always have.

CHARLIE
What was the first candy you ever
ate?

WONKA
I’m sure I don’t remember.

All the square candy looks at each other -- yeah, right.

NARRATOR (V.O.)
In fact, Willy Wonka remembered
precisely the first candy he ever
ate.

TRANSITION TO:
Genres: ["Fantasy","Adventure","Family"]

Summary In the Square Candy Room, Wonka presents square candies with pink faces. Despite the children's objections, Wonka insists they look round. The candies turn to face Mr. Salt, proving Wonka's point. Veruca refuses to eat one, and Wonka responds that they wouldn't want to eat her either. Mr. Teevee finds Wonka's candy strange, leading Wonka to recall his first candy experience.
Strengths
  • Witty dialogue
  • Eccentric character interactions
  • Creative concept of square candies that look round
Weaknesses
  • Minimal plot advancement
  • Low conflict level

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is engaging, filled with whimsical elements, and showcases the eccentricity of Willy Wonka. The dialogue is witty and humorous, adding depth to the characters and the setting.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of square candies that look round is unique and showcases Willy Wonka's creativity and unconventional thinking. It adds to the fantastical nature of the scene and the overall story.

Plot: 7

The plot in this scene revolves around the introduction of the square candies and the interaction between the characters. While it doesn't significantly advance the main plot, it adds depth to the characters and the world of the chocolate factory.

Originality: 9

The scene demonstrates a high level of originality through its unique candy creations, unconventional character interactions, and playful dialogue.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters, especially Willy Wonka, Veruca, and the Oompa-Loompas, shine in this scene with their distinct personalities and interactions. Each character adds a unique flavor to the scene.

Character Changes: 4

There is minimal character change in this scene, as it primarily focuses on showcasing the characters' personalities and interactions rather than significant development.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to showcase his creativity and uniqueness through his candy creations, reflecting his desire to surprise and delight his guests.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to entertain and impress his guests with his unconventional candy creations, reflecting the immediate challenge of maintaining their interest and curiosity.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 3

There is minimal conflict in this scene, focusing more on the whimsical interaction between the characters and the introduction of the unique candies.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting perceptions of the candy creations and challenges to traditional beliefs about candy shapes.

High Stakes: 2

The stakes are relatively low in this scene, focusing more on the whimsical and creative elements of the chocolate factory rather than intense conflict or high stakes.

Story Forward: 5

While the scene doesn't significantly move the main plot forward, it adds depth to the characters and the world of the chocolate factory, enriching the overall narrative.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected nature of Wonka's candy creations and the eccentric character interactions that keep the audience guessing.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between traditional expectations of candy shapes and Wonka's unconventional approach, challenging the guests' beliefs and perceptions.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The scene evokes a sense of wonder and amusement, especially through the witty dialogue and the eccentric behavior of Willy Wonka. It engages the audience emotionally but doesn't delve deep into heavy emotions.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue in this scene is witty, humorous, and showcases the eccentricity of Willy Wonka. It adds depth to the characters and enhances the whimsical tone of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its whimsical setting, playful dialogue, and eccentric character interactions that capture the audience's attention.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and maintaining the audience's interest through dynamic character interactions and dialogue.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear descriptions, character interactions, and dialogue.


Critique
  • The dialogue in this scene feels repetitive and lacks depth. The back-and-forth argument between Veruca and Wonka about the candies looking round or square becomes monotonous and doesn't add much to the scene.
  • The interaction between the characters could be more dynamic and engaging. There is potential for more conflict or humor to be injected into the dialogue to make it more interesting.
  • The visual description of the scene is limited to the table of candies and the characters' reactions. Adding more sensory details and vivid imagery could enhance the reader's experience and bring the setting to life.
  • The transition at the end of the scene feels abrupt and disconnected from the rest of the dialogue. It could be smoother and better integrated into the overall flow of the script.
  • The scene lacks a clear purpose or narrative progression. It doesn't significantly advance the plot or reveal new information about the characters or the story.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more depth to the dialogue by exploring the characters' motivations and emotions. This could help create more engaging interactions and add layers to the scene.
  • Introduce a new element of conflict or tension to break up the repetitive nature of the argument about the candies' shape. This could add excitement and intrigue to the scene.
  • Enhance the visual description of the setting by incorporating details about the room, the Oompa-Loompas, and the overall atmosphere. This will help paint a more vivid picture for the reader.
  • Revise the transition at the end of the scene to make it more seamless and connected to the preceding dialogue. Ensure that the transition flows naturally and contributes to the overall coherence of the script.
  • Consider revising the scene to have a clearer purpose or narrative arc. Determine how this scene fits into the larger story and what it contributes to the character development or plot progression.



Scene 30 -  Willy Wonka's Candy Epiphany
102 INT. WONKA FAMILY LIVING ROOM - DAY [THIRTY YEARS AGO] 102

Still wearing his draconian headgear, Little Willy sweeps the
ashes out of the fireplace, dumping them into a bucket. As
he finishes, he notices a piece of silvery foil caught in the
grate.

One piece of Halloween candy has escaped the flames. The
wrapping CRINKLES in his hand as he picks it up. Looking
around, he carefully peels back the foil, revealing the still-
intact chocolate bar.

After one more beat of consideration, he bites into it.

To the OPENING CHORDS of “All Along the Watchtower” we begin
a SPINNING PERSPECTIVE SHIFT that would leave Hitchcock
jealous. In Little Willy’s eyes, we see a revelation.


(CONTINUED)
81.
102 CONTINUED: 102


He’s like Isaac Newton getting beaned by the apple, or Helen
Keller learning the word for water. The same delirious
energy carries us to...


103 EXT. CHERRY STREET - DAY [THIRTY YEARS AGO] 103

Little Willy sits on the curb with a sampler box of Russell
Stover-type candies. As he bites into each one, we see a boy
discovering his destiny. He jots down his impressions in a
tiny notebook.


104 EXT. CHERRY STREET - DAY [THIRTY YEARS AGO] 104

With a rhythmic synchronicity, Wonka slips coins into a
gumball machine and twists the knob.


105 INT. SWISS RESTAURANT - DAY [THIRTY YEARS AGO] 105

The HEAD CHEF offers Willy a long fork with a bread cube on
the end. He shows Willy how to dip it into the chocolate
fondue.


106 EXT. CHERRY STREET - DAY [THIRTY YEARS AGO] 106

Little Willy tosses one lollipop and tries another.


107 INT. CANDY SHOP - DAY [THIRTY YEARS AGO] 107

Young Willy watches, mesmerized, as a CANDY MAKER scrapes up
ropes of molten sugar on a marble table.


108 EXT. CHERRY STREET - DAY [THIRTY YEARS AGO] 108

Little Willy checks his reflection in the candy shop’s
window. He takes the lollipop out of his mouth and sticks
out his tongue, which is now six different colors.

He LAUGHS to himself as we transition...

BACK TO:


109 INT. SQUARE CANDY ROOM - DAY 109

Wonka looks around, disoriented. By the puzzled looks on
people’s faces, he’s been “gone” for a minute or two.


(CONTINUED)
82.
109 CONTINUED: 109


WONKA
I apologize. I was having a...
flashback.

MR. SALT
I see.

Mr. Salt carefully moves his daughter away from the crazy
man.

MR. TEAVEE
Those flashbacks happen often?

WONKA
Increasingly. Today.
Genres: ["Fantasy","Adventure","Family"]

Summary As a child, Willy Wonka's love for candy ignites after tasting melted chocolate. He embarks on a culinary adventure, sampling and experimenting with various flavors and textures, laying the foundation for his future destiny.
Strengths
  • Seamless transitions between past and present
  • Emotional depth and nostalgia
  • Engaging dialogue and character interactions
Weaknesses
  • Subtle conflict may not engage all viewers
  • Flashback sequence may disrupt the pacing for some audiences

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively blends past and present, adding depth to the character of Willy Wonka and creating a sense of wonder and nostalgia. The whimsical tone and mysterious elements keep the audience engaged.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring Willy Wonka's childhood memories while on a tour of the chocolate factory is innovative and adds layers to the character. The seamless transitions between past and present enhance the storytelling.

Plot: 7

The plot advances as the group explores different rooms in the factory, with the flashback providing a deeper understanding of Willy Wonka's character. The conflict arises subtly through the interactions between characters.

Originality: 9

The scene demonstrates a high level of originality through its fresh approach to the coming-of-age theme and the exploration of a unique setting in the world of candy-making. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds depth and complexity to the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters, especially Willy Wonka, are well-developed and show depth through the flashback sequence. Each character's reactions and interactions contribute to the overall narrative.

Character Changes: 7

Willy Wonka undergoes a subtle change as his past memories resurface, revealing more about his motivations and personality. The other characters also show development through their interactions.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to discover his passion and destiny in candy-making. This reflects his deeper desire to find his place in the world and pursue his true calling.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to explore different aspects of candy-making and learn from various experts in the field. This reflects the immediate challenge of honing his skills and knowledge in order to achieve his dream of becoming a successful candy maker.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

The conflict is subtle but present, mainly revolving around the characters' interactions and Willy Wonka's internal struggles. The tension adds depth to the scene without overshadowing the whimsical tone.

Opposition: 6

The opposition in the scene is moderate, with some obstacles and challenges that the protagonist must overcome. The uncertainty of how he will navigate these challenges adds depth and complexity to the story.

High Stakes: 6

While the stakes are not extremely high in this scene, the emotional impact and character development add depth to the story. The flashback sequence raises the stakes by revealing more about Willy Wonka's past.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by providing crucial insights into Willy Wonka's character and motivations. It sets the stage for further exploration of the factory and the characters' dynamics.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it introduces unexpected twists and turns in the protagonist's journey, keeping the audience on their toes and eager to see what happens next.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the tension between tradition and innovation in the world of candy-making. The protagonist must navigate between learning from established experts and forging his own path in order to find success.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a sense of nostalgia, wonder, and curiosity, engaging the audience emotionally. The flashback adds emotional depth to Willy Wonka's character and the overall story.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is engaging and reveals insights into the characters' personalities. It effectively conveys emotions and adds to the whimsical tone of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it captures the audience's attention with its vivid imagery, emotional depth, and sense of wonder. The protagonist's journey towards self-discovery and passion resonates with viewers.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by creating a sense of momentum, tension, and emotional resonance. The rhythm of the scene keeps the audience engaged and invested in the protagonist's journey.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings, action lines, and dialogue. The visual descriptions and transitions enhance the reader's understanding of the story.

Structure: 8

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre by introducing the protagonist's internal and external goals, establishing the setting, and building towards a revelation. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the effectiveness of the scene.


Critique
  • The transition from Willy Wonka's childhood memories to the present day scene in the Square Candy Room feels abrupt and disjointed.
  • The flashback sequence of Willy Wonka discovering his passion for candy lacks depth and emotional connection, making it difficult for the audience to fully engage with his character development.
  • The scene lacks a clear connection to the overall narrative arc of the screenplay, leaving the audience wondering about the relevance of Willy Wonka's childhood memories in the context of the story.
  • The transition back to the present day scene in the Square Candy Room feels forced and disrupts the flow of the story.
  • There is a missed opportunity to explore the emotional impact of Willy Wonka's childhood experiences on his present-day behavior and decisions.
Suggestions
  • Consider integrating Willy Wonka's childhood memories more seamlessly into the narrative by establishing a stronger thematic link between his past and present.
  • Develop the flashback sequence to provide deeper insight into Willy Wonka's character motivations and emotional journey, enhancing the audience's connection to his story.
  • Ensure that each scene serves a clear purpose in advancing the overall plot and character development, avoiding unnecessary detours that disrupt the narrative flow.
  • Explore the potential parallels between Willy Wonka's childhood experiences with candy and his present-day actions as a candy maker, creating a more cohesive and impactful storyline.
  • Use the transition back to the present day scene to highlight the significance of Willy Wonka's past in shaping his identity and driving the events of the screenplay.



Scene 31 -  Veruca's Demise
110 INT. FACTORY HALLWAY - DAY 110

Wonka is back to his senses, leading the visitors around a
new corner.

WONKA
These are all the additions and
inserts: the nougats, the
sprinkles, the whistle-y centers...

Mr. Salt sees a sign that interests him.

MR. SALT
Ah, now here’s a room I know all
about. For you see, Mr. Wonka, I
myself am in the nut business.
Tell me, are you using the Havermax
4000 to do your sorting?

WONKA
No. Nothing of the kind.

Wonka opens the door for him.


111 INT. NUT-SORTING ROOM - DAY 111

The visitors enter on a raised platform, which is surrounded
by a railing and spindly bars for safety. This dais
overlooks the work floor, where the day’s nut-sorting is
underway. But the workers aren’t human, or even Oompa-
Loompa. They’re...

VERUCA
Squirrels!


(CONTINUED)
83.
111 CONTINUED: 111


ONE HUNDRED SQUIRRELS sit upon high stools around a large
table, which holds mounds of walnuts. The squirrels work
like mad, shelling the walnuts at tremendous speed.

WONKA
Yes. These squirrels are specially
trained for getting the nuts out of
shells.

Mr. Salt is perplexed, to say the least.

MR. SALT
Why use squirrels? Why not use
Oompa-Loompas?

WONKA
Oompa-Loompas can't get walnuts out
of their shells in one piece.
Nobody except squirrels can get
whole walnuts out every time.
(motioning them closer)
See how they first tap each walnut
with their knuckles to be sure it's
not a bad one! There! Look! I
think he's got a bad one now!

They watch a little squirrel as he TAPS the walnut shell with
his knuckles. He cocks his head to one side and listens
intently, then suddenly throws the nut over his shoulder into
a large hole in the floor.

VERUCA
Daddy, I want a squirrel! Get me
one of those squirrels! I want
one.

MR. SALT
Veruca, dear. You have many
wonderful pets.

Veruca begins to cry fiery tears.

VERUCA
All I've got at home is two dogs
and four cats and six rabbits and
two parakeets and three canaries
and a green parrot and a turtle and
a bowl of goldfish and a cage of
white mice and a silly old hamster!
I want a squirrel!




(CONTINUED)
84.
111 CONTINUED: (2) 111


MR. SALT
All right, pet. Daddy'll get you a
squirrel just as soon as he
possibly can.

VERUCA
But I don't want any old squirrel,
I want a trained squirrel!

MR. SALT
Very well. Mr. Wonka, how much do
you want for one of these
squirrels? Name your price.

WONKA
They're not for sale. She can't
have one.

VERUCA
Daddy!

WONKA
I’m sorry, darling. Mr. Wonka is
being unreasonable.

VERUCA
If you won’t get me one, I’ll get
one myself.

Squeezing between the bars,


112 VERUCA LEAPS DOWN. 112

The bars are too close together for an adult to follow.

MR. SALT
Veruca!

WONKA
Little girl, I wouldn’t!

The moment Veruca sets foot on the work floor, one hundred
squirrels stop what they are doing. They turn their heads
and stare at Veruca with small black beady eyes.

Veruca stops also, and stares back at them. She nervously
adjusts her chinchilla-lined coat.

Then her gaze falls upon a pretty little squirrel sitting
nearest her at the end of the table. It holds a walnut in
its paws.


(CONTINUED)
85.
112 CONTINUED: 112


VERUCA
All right. I'll have you!

She reaches out her hands to grab the squirrel. But as she
does so, there is a sudden flash of movement in the room.
Every single squirrel around the table takes a flying leap
towards her and lands on her body.

Twenty-five of them catch hold of her right arm and pin it
down. Twenty-five more catch hold of her left arm and pin it
down. Twenty-five more catch hold of her right leg and
anchor it to the ground.

Twenty-four catch hold of her left leg.

And the one remaining squirrel (the leader of them all)
climbs up on her shoulder and starts TAP-TAP-TAPPING the
wretched girl's head with its knuckles.

MR. SALT
Veruca!

CHARLIE
What are they doing?

WONKA
They're testing to see if she's a
bad nut. I wonder...

Veruca struggles furiously, but the squirrels hold her tight.
The squirrel keeps TAP-TAP-TAPPING the side of her head.

Then all at once, the squirrels start carrying her across the
floor.

WONKA (CONT’D)
My goodness, she is a bad nut after
all! Her head must have sounded
quite hollow.

Veruca kicks and SCREAMS, but it's no use. The tiny strong
paws hold her tightly and she can't escape.

VERUCA
Daddy! I want them to stop!

MR. SALT
Where are they taking her?

WONKA
Where all the other bad nuts go.
Down the garbage chute.


(CONTINUED)
86.
112 CONTINUED: (2) 112


As he talks, Wonka sorts through his keys, trying to find one
that unlocks the railing gate.

MR. SALT
What happens to the bad nuts?
Where does the chute go?

WONKA
Why to the furnace, of course. The
incinerator. Don't worry. They
only light it on Tuesdays.

Wonka tries a key, but it doesn’t fit.

MIKE
Today is Tuesday.

WONKA
There's always a chance they
decided not to light it today.

MR. SALT
My darling Veruca! She'll be
sizzled like a sausage!

The squirrels toss Veruca into the hole.

MR. SALT (CONT’D)
Aah!

WONKA
Now, she may be stuck in the chute
just below the entrance hole. If
that's the case, all you'll have to
do is go in and pull her up again.

Wonka turns a key, and the gate opens. Encouraged, Mr. Salt
rushes up to the edge of the hole.

MR. SALT
Veruca! Are you down there!
Veruca!

As MUSIC begins, Mr. Salt bends further forward to get a
closer look. His enormous butt sticks up in the air like a
giant mushroom. It is a dangerous position to be in. He
needs only one little push, one gentle nudge in the right
place.

With a flying kick, one squirrel hits him dead center.




(CONTINUED)
87.
112 CONTINUED: (3) 112


Mr. Salt topples into the hole head-first, SCREECHING like a
parrot. On the platform, everyone is horrified.

An Oompa-Loompa tugs at Wonka’s leg. Wonka leans down as the
Oompa-Loompa WHISPERS to him.

WONKA
(to everyone)
I’ve just been informed the
incinerator is broken. There
should be three weeks of rotten
garbage to break their fall!

MR. TEAVEE
Well, that’s good news. Sorta.

The lights on the work floor dim. Then, wearing colorful
kaftans and silks, the...


113 OOMPA-LOOMPAS MARCH IN. 113

This time, their SONG AND DANCE NUMBER has a Bollywood flair,
complete with fans, masks and faux-saber battles.

OOMPA-LOOMPAS
(singing)
Veruca Salt. The little brute.
Has just gone down the garbage chute.

Two of the Oompa-monks throw off their robes, revealing
themselves to be OOMPA-VERUCA and OOMPA-MR-SALT. The tempo
picks up as the monks carry oversized pieces of garbage past
Oompa-Veruca, depicting her journey down the chute.

OOMPA-LOOMPAS (CONT’D)
She will meet, as she descends,
A rather different set of friends.
A fish head, for example, cut
This morning from a halibut.
A bacon rind, some rancid lard,
A loaf of bread gone stale and hard,
A steak that nobody would chew,
An oyster from an oyster stew,
Some liverwurst so old and gray,
One smelled it from a mile away!
A rotten nut, a reeky pear,
A thing the cat left on the stair;
And lots of other things as well,
Each with a rather horrid smell.
These are Veruca's newfound friends
That she will meet as she descends!


(CONTINUED)
88.
113 CONTINUED: 113


Oompa-Veruca SCREAMS, both out of faux-revulsion and to bring
the song back to herself. Once she’s safely scored the
spotlight, she tries a little belly-dancing.

The squirrels try to nip at her toes.

OOMPA-VERUCA
Now, is it really right,
That every bit of blame,
Finger-pointing giggles,
Not to mention shame,
Should fall upon Veruca Salt?
Am I the only one at fault?
A girl can't spoil herself, you know.

OOMPA-MR-SALT
Who spoiled her, then?

The Oompa-Loompas turn on “Mr. Salt,” swirling around him.

OOMPA-LOOMPAS
Who turned her into such a brat?
Who is the culprit? Who did that?
Alas you shouldn't look so far
To find out who the sinners are.
They are (and this is very sad)
Her parents, yes -- like dear old Dad.

The song nearly finished...

OOMPA-LOOMPAS (CONT’D)
And that is why we're glad he fell
Into the garbage chute as wel-l-l-l-l-l-l.

With a DING!, we...

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Fantasy","Adventure","Musical"]

Summary Veruca disobeys Wonka and climbs into the nut-sorting area, where she is restrained by squirrels and sent down the garbage chute. Mr. Salt attempts to rescue her but falls in himself. The Oompa-Loompas sing about Veruca's behavior and her parents' role in it.
Strengths
  • Innovative concept of nut sorting with squirrels
  • Humorous and witty dialogue
  • Dark humor and satire
  • Surprising plot twist
Weaknesses
  • Some may find the dark humor unsettling or inappropriate for younger audiences

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly engaging, combining humor, dark elements, and satire effectively to create a memorable and unexpected twist in the story.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of using squirrels for nut sorting is innovative and adds a whimsical and dark element to the scene, showcasing Willy Wonka's eccentricity and the fantastical nature of the factory.

Plot: 9

The plot takes a surprising turn with Veruca's encounter with the squirrels, adding conflict and tension to the scene while advancing the story in an unexpected direction.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh and imaginative concept of squirrels trained to shell walnuts, adding a unique twist to a familiar theme of entitlement and consequences.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters, especially Veruca and Mr. Salt, are well-developed in this scene, showcasing their personalities and reactions to the bizarre situation, adding depth to the story.

Character Changes: 6

Veruca experiences a significant change as she faces the consequences of her behavior, showcasing a moment of growth and realization.

Internal Goal: 8

Veruca's internal goal is to get what she wants at any cost, reflecting her entitlement and lack of empathy for others.

External Goal: 9

Veruca's external goal is to obtain a trained squirrel from Wonka's factory, showcasing her desire for material possessions and status.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between Veruca and the squirrels, as well as the tension surrounding her fate, adds depth and suspense to the scene.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, as Veruca faces consequences for her actions and encounters unexpected obstacles.

High Stakes: 7

The high stakes are present as Veruca's fate hangs in the balance, adding tension and suspense to the scene.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing a new conflict, advancing the plot, and deepening the characters' development.

Unpredictability: 9

The scene is unpredictable in its outcome, as the squirrels' actions towards Veruca take a surprising turn, adding tension and surprise.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the consequences of entitlement and selfishness, challenging the values of empathy and humility.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from humor to tension, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the characters' fates.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is witty, humorous, and sarcastic, reflecting the tone of the scene and the characters' personalities effectively.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its blend of humor, suspense, and fantastical elements, keeping the audience intrigued.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, leading to a climactic moment with a satisfying resolution.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected format for a screenplay, with clear scene headings and descriptions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with a setup, conflict, and resolution, effectively building tension and humor.


Critique
  • The scene transitions abruptly from the Inventing Room to the Nut-Sorting Room without a clear connection or flow.
  • The dialogue between Mr. Salt and Wonka feels forced and lacks naturalness, making it less engaging for the audience.
  • Veruca's sudden outburst and demand for a squirrel feels exaggerated and unrealistic, diminishing the believability of her character.
  • The resolution of Veruca's fate, being thrown down the garbage chute, feels rushed and lacks emotional impact.
  • The Oompa-Loompa song and dance number, while entertaining, feels disconnected from the main narrative and interrupts the flow of the scene.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a smoother transition between the Inventing Room and the Nut-Sorting Room to improve the scene's coherence.
  • Work on making the dialogue between Mr. Salt and Wonka more organic and reflective of their characters' personalities.
  • Tone down Veruca's reaction and demand for a squirrel to make it more believable and in line with her character.
  • Enhance the resolution of Veruca's fate by adding more tension and emotional weight to the moment she is thrown down the garbage chute.
  • Integrate the Oompa-Loompa song and dance number more seamlessly into the scene to maintain the narrative flow and coherence.



Scene 32 -  The Great Glass Elevator Adventure
114 INT. THE GREAT GLASS ELEVATOR - DAY 114

The doors slide open, revealing what’s left of the visitors:
Charlie and Grandpa Joe, Mike Teavee and his father, and
Wonka himself. He’s fixing the cuffs on another new outfit.

WONKA
I don’t know why I didn’t think of
this earlier. The elevator is the
most efficient way to get around
the factory.




(CONTINUED)
89.
114 CONTINUED: 114


As they get inside, the visitors notice that the walls, floor
and ceiling are made of glass -- you can see though to the
studs of the building. Also, there are hundreds of buttons.

MIKE
There can’t be this many floors.

WONKA
Oh, this isn't just an ordinary up-
and-down elevator! This elevator
can go sideways and longways and
slantways and any other way you can
think of! It can visit any single
room in the whole factory, no
matter where it is! You simply
press a button and you’re off! For
instance...

He presses a button labelled “Candy Canes.”


115 THE DOORS CLANG SHUT 115

and the elevator leaps sideways as though it has been stung
by a wasp. All the passengers (except Wonka, who holds onto
a strap from the ceiling) are flung off their feet against
the wall.

The elevator rushes on at the speed of a rocket. Now it
begins to climb. It shoots up and up and up on a steep
slanty course as if it were climbing a very steep hill. Then
suddenly, it drops like a stone.

And through the glass walls of the elevator, as it rushes
along, the passengers catch sudden glimpses of strange and
wonderful things going on in some of the other rooms.

In one, a great, craggy mountain is made entirely of fudge.
Oompa-Loompas (all roped together for safety) hack huge
chunks of fudge out of its sides.

MIKE
Make it stop!

WONKA
Can't do that. It won't stop until
we get there. I only hope no one's
using the other elevator at this
moment.

CHARLIE
What other elevator?


(CONTINUED)
90.
115 CONTINUED: 115


WONKA
The one that goes the opposite way
on the same track as this one.

GRANDPA JOE
You mean we might have a collision?

WONKA
I've been lucky so far.

A SCREAM of brakes and the elevator begins to slow down.
Then it stops altogether.

With a DING!, the doors slide open.
Genres: ["Fantasy","Adventure","Family"]

Summary The visitors enter the Great Glass Elevator, which takes off at high speed, flinging them against the walls. They see glimpses of strange and wonderful things happening in other rooms. Charlie expresses concern about a potential collision, but Wonka reassures them. The elevator slows down and stops with a DING!
Strengths
  • Innovative concept of the glass elevator
  • Exciting and fast-paced narrative
  • Visual descriptions of the fantastical elements
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development
  • Dialogue could be more engaging

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is highly engaging, filled with excitement, mystery, and whimsy. The introduction of the glass elevator and its capabilities adds a new layer of intrigue to the story.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of the glass elevator that can move in various directions and provide glimpses into different rooms of the factory is innovative and adds depth to the fantastical world of the story.

Plot: 7

The plot advances as the characters explore new areas of the factory and encounter unexpected challenges, such as the potential collision with another elevator.

Originality: 9

The scene is highly original in its depiction of a magical chocolate factory and the unique capabilities of the Great Glass Elevator. The characters' reactions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging, adding to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 7

The characters react to the unique situation of the glass elevator ride, showcasing their personalities and relationships with each other.

Character Changes: 5

While the characters react to the unique situation, there is minimal character development or change in this scene.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to navigate the unfamiliar and potentially dangerous situation they find themselves in. They must trust Willy Wonka and the capabilities of the Great Glass Elevator to safely transport them through the factory.

External Goal: 9

The protagonist's external goal is to explore the factory and experience the wonders it has to offer. They are excited but also apprehensive about the unpredictable nature of the elevator.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

The potential collision with another elevator adds a level of tension and danger to the scene, but it is quickly resolved.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, as the characters face the challenge of navigating the unpredictable movements of the elevator and the potential danger of a collision with another elevator.

High Stakes: 6

The potential collision with another elevator raises the stakes briefly, but the resolution is swift.

Story Forward: 8

The scene propels the story forward by introducing new elements of the factory and setting up further exploration and discoveries.

Unpredictability: 9

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected movements of the Great Glass Elevator and the passengers' reactions to the strange and wonderful things they see through the glass walls.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the theme of trust and control. The passengers must trust Wonka and the elevator to guide them safely through the factory, even though they have no control over its movements.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The sense of wonder and excitement evoked by the glass elevator ride creates a positive emotional impact on the audience.

Dialogue: 6

The dialogue is informative and helps to explain the functionality of the glass elevator, but it could be more engaging and character-driven.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it introduces new elements of the factory, creates tension and excitement through the unpredictable movements of the elevator, and showcases the characters' reactions to the fantastical environment.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and excitement as the elevator moves unpredictably through the factory, keeping the audience engaged and eager to see what happens next.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear descriptions, dialogue, and action lines. The formatting enhances the visual and narrative impact of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness in building tension and excitement.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear transition from the previous scene, making it feel disjointed.
  • The dialogue feels a bit forced and expository, lacking natural flow and character development.
  • The description of the glass elevator and its capabilities is interesting but could be more visually engaging.
  • The tension and potential danger of a collision with another elevator are not fully explored or capitalized on.
  • The scene could benefit from more character interactions and reactions to the elevator's movements.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a smoother transition from the previous scene to create better continuity.
  • Work on making the dialogue more natural and reflective of each character's personality.
  • Enhance the visual descriptions of the glass elevator and the glimpses of other rooms to create a more immersive experience.
  • Explore the potential collision with the other elevator as a source of tension and excitement.
  • Add more character interactions and reactions to the elevator's movements to deepen the engagement of the scene.



Scene 33 -  Candy Cane Conundrum
116 INT. CANDY CANE ROOM - DAY 116

This room is one of the busiest and NOISIEST we’ve entered,
with dozens of Oompa-Loompa carrying racks of candy along
various levels of platforms.

Wonka leads the group out of the elevator. He walks
backwards to talk with them, at every step barely avoiding
impalement or decapitation from all the equipment moving
around him.

WONKA
I’m a very observant person, and
I’ve often observed that old
people...
(to Grandpa Joe)
...such as yourself...don’t eat
enough candy. What’s more, I’ve
often seen them carrying walking
sticks. Which led me to think,
what if I were to invent...

CHARLIE
A candy cane?

WONKA
No, a candy cane!

Wonka takes a passing cane -- three-and-a-half-feet long --
off a nearby rack. He hands it to Grandpa Joe.

WONKA (CONT’D)
Why don’t you try it?

Grandpa Joe takes a few steps, putting his weight on it. The
cane suddenly SHATTERS into a mess of sugary shards.


(CONTINUED)
91.
116 CONTINUED: 116


WONKA (CONT’D)
Oh, they’re extremely fragile!
They really don’t work at all.

MIKE
Then why would anyone want one?

WONKA
Exactly! That’s called marketing!
Now, who else uses canes?

Everyone thinks.

CHARLIE
Shepherds? To tend sheep?

WONKA
Tried it. The sheep ate them, and
it made them mean. Anyone else?
No? Well, we discovered they’re
perfect for crocheting giant
novelty sweaters!

MIKE
Why don’t you just admit they’re
completely pointless?

Wonka is taken aback.

CHARLIE
Candy doesn’t have to have a point.
That’s why it’s candy.

MIKE
Well, it’s stupid.

We SWOOP IN into a giant close-up of Mike’s lips.

MIKE (CONT’D)
Candy is a waste of time.

When we PULL BACK OUT, we’ve actually...

TRANSITIONED TO:
Genres: ["Fantasy","Adventure","Comedy"]

Summary In Wonka's bustling candy factory, the unveiling of a new candy cane elicits mixed reactions. Grandpa Joe tests its fragility, while Charlie and Mike debate its purpose and value. Wonka's enigmatic statement that candy's lack of purpose is its charm sparks a discussion on the inherent joy and indulgence of treating oneself.
Strengths
  • Witty dialogue
  • Whimsical concept of the fragile candy cane
  • Character interactions
Weaknesses
  • Limited plot progression
  • Low emotional impact

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is highly entertaining, with a good balance of humor, whimsy, and character interactions. The concept of the fragile candy cane is unique and adds to the overall charm of the scene.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of the fragile candy cane is innovative and showcases Wonka's quirky inventiveness. It adds a layer of humor and absurdity to the scene, making it memorable and engaging.

Plot: 7

While the plot doesn't significantly advance in this scene, it adds depth to Wonka's character and the dynamics between the children and their guardians. The introduction of the candy cane concept provides a fun and light-hearted moment in the story.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on the purpose of candy and challenges traditional views on confectionery. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters, especially Wonka and the children, shine in this scene with their distinct personalities and interactions. The dialogue and reactions of the characters contribute to the humor and charm of the scene.

Character Changes: 3

There are no significant character changes in this scene, as the focus is more on showcasing the characters' personalities and interactions in a humorous and whimsical setting.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to challenge the traditional views on candy and its purpose. Charlie's belief that candy doesn't have to have a point reflects his deeper desire for freedom and creativity.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to explore the functionality of candy canes and challenge the conventional use of canes.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 4

There is a mild conflict between Mike and Charlie regarding the usefulness of the candy cane, but it is more lighthearted and serves to highlight the eccentricity of Wonka rather than drive significant tension.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting viewpoints and challenges to the characters' beliefs, adding depth and conflict to the narrative.

High Stakes: 3

The stakes are relatively low in this scene, focusing more on humor and character dynamics rather than intense conflict or high stakes situations.

Story Forward: 6

While the scene doesn't propel the main plot forward significantly, it adds depth to Wonka's character and provides a fun and memorable moment in the overall narrative.

Unpredictability: 7

The scene is unpredictable in its exploration of candy's purpose and the characters' contrasting viewpoints.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the purpose of candy and whether it needs to have a point. Mike represents a practical and logical viewpoint, while Charlie embodies a more whimsical and creative perspective.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 5

The scene evokes light-hearted amusement and amusement rather than deep emotional resonance. The humor and playful interactions keep the tone light and entertaining.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is witty, sarcastic, and playful, capturing the essence of each character's personality. It adds humor and depth to the scene, making it engaging and entertaining.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its witty dialogue, dynamic character interactions, and philosophical conflict.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and humor, enhancing the overall effectiveness of the dialogue and character interactions.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene's formatting adheres to the expected format for its genre, enhancing readability and clarity.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format that effectively conveys the characters' interactions and the progression of the dialogue.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear purpose or progression in terms of advancing the plot or character development. It feels disconnected from the overall narrative and doesn't contribute significantly to the story.
  • The dialogue between Wonka, Grandpa Joe, Charlie, and Mike feels forced and lacks depth. The interactions between the characters don't reveal much about their personalities or motivations.
  • The humor in the scene falls flat and comes across as contrived. The jokes about the candy cane being pointless and the discussion about shepherds and giant sweaters feel forced and don't land effectively.
  • The visual elements of the scene, such as the candy cane shattering and the close-up of Mike's lips, don't add much to the storytelling and feel random in the context of the scene.
  • The scene lacks tension, conflict, or emotional depth, making it feel like a filler moment rather than a meaningful part of the screenplay.
Suggestions
  • Consider revising the scene to make it more purposeful by tying it to the main plot or character arcs. Ensure that each scene contributes to the overall story progression.
  • Work on developing the dialogue to reveal more about the characters' personalities, relationships, and motivations. Make the interactions feel more natural and engaging.
  • Refine the humor in the scene to make it more organic and relevant to the characters and the story. Avoid forced jokes and focus on creating genuine moments of comedy.
  • Enhance the visual elements of the scene to support the storytelling and add depth to the characters and their interactions. Ensure that visual cues align with the narrative and enhance the audience's understanding.
  • Introduce more conflict, tension, or emotional depth to the scene to engage the audience and create a more compelling storytelling experience. Consider how the characters' conflicts or emotions can drive the scene forward.



Scene 34 -  The Television Chocolate Machine and Mike's Shrinking Adventure
117 INT. WONKA FAMILY LIVING ROOM - DAY [THIRTY YEARS AGO] 117

It was actually Dr. Wonka who said the line. We’ve entered
in the middle of an argument between Little Willy and his
father.



(CONTINUED)
92.
117 CONTINUED: 117


DR. WONKA
No son of mine is going to be a
chocolateer!

LITTLE WILLY
Then I’ll run away! To
Switzerland! Bavaria! The candy
capitals of the world!

DR. WONKA
Go ahead. We won’t be here when
you come back.

Little Willy grabs his knapsack and runs out the front door.

CUT TO:


118 MONTAGE 118

Knapsack over his shoulder, Little Willy walks toward camera
as a procession of international flags move behind him,
illustrating his great journey. Through it all, Little Willy
maintains a stoic, inspired attitude.

A man’s hand lands on his shoulder. Little Willy looks up to
find a SECURITY GUARD.

SECURITY GUARD
Sorry, son. We’re closing for the
night.

WIDER

we reveal that this “montage” has actually just been Little
Willy walking through the local museum. The sign on the wall
reads: “FLAGS OF THE WORLD.”

CUT TO:


119 EXT. PICKWICKET AVENUE - NIGHT [THIRTY YEARS AGO] 119

Dejected, Little Willy walks home. He’s given up on his
dream. As he reaches the front steps of his family’s house,
he notices something odd.

THE HOUSE IS GONE.

It’s been ripped from its foundation and carried away,
leaving the two narrow row houses on either side of it.



(CONTINUED)
93.
119 CONTINUED: 119


Little Willy drops his knapsack in disbelief.

TRANSITION TO:


120 INT. THE GREAT GLASS ELEVATOR - DAY 120

Dispirited, Wonka gets back on board, along with the
remaining visitors.

MIKE
I wanna pick a room.

WONKA
Certainly. Any room you’d like.

Mike scans the choices, then settles on a button marked
“Television Room.”

He pushes the button. For a long beat, nothing happens.
Then, suddenly, the whole elevator LURCHES to the right,
throwing everybody but Wonka against the left wall.

After another dizzying trip, the elevator finally stops.
With a DING!, the doors open.


121 INT. THE TELEVISION ROOM - DAY 121

Mike and his father, Charlie and Grandpa Joe step out of the
elevator into a room so dazzlingly white and bright that they
screw up their eyes in pain. Wonka hands them each a pair of
dark glasses.

WONKA
Put these on quick! And don't take
them off in here whatever you do!
This light could blind you!

The giant room is painted white all over, even the floor.
From the ceiling, huge lamps hang down and bathe the room in
a brilliant blue-white light.

At one end of the room is an enormous camera on wheels, with
a whole army of OOMPA-LOOMPAS clustered around it. They oil
its joints, adjusts its knobs, and polish its great glass
lens. The Oompa-Loompas wear bright-red space suits,
complete with helmets and goggles.

They work in silence. There is no chattering or singing
among them here, and they move about over the huge black
camera slowly and carefully in their scarlet space suits.


(CONTINUED)
94.
121 CONTINUED: 121


WONKA (CONT'D)
This is the testing room for my
very latest and greatest invention:
Television Chocolate!

At the other end of the room, about fifty feet away from the
camera, a single OOMPA-LOOMPA (also in a space suit) sits at
a black table. He gazes at the screen of a very large
television set.

WONKA (CONT’D)
One day, it occurred to me: If
television can break up a
photograph into millions of pieces
and send it whizzing through the
air, then reassemble it on the
other end, why can't I do the same
thing with chocolate? Why can't I
send a real bar of chocolate
through the television, all ready
to be eaten?

MR. TEAVEE
Sounds impossible.

MIKE
It is impossible.
(to Wonka)
You don’t understand anything about
science at all! First off, there’s
a difference between waves and
particles. Duh! Second, the
amount of power it would take to
convert energy into matter would be
like, nine atomic bombs. You’re
the dumbest rich guy in the whole
world.

WONKA
Again, with the mumbling. I can’t
understand a word you’re saying!
(to everyone else)
I shall now send a bar of chocolate
from one end of this room to the
other -- by television! Get ready,
there! Bring the chocolate!

Immediately, ten Oompa-Loompas march forward carrying on
their shoulders an enormous bar of chocolate -- the size of a
mattress.




(CONTINUED)
95.
121 CONTINUED: (2) 121


WONKA (CONT'D)
It has to be big. You know how on
t.v., you can film a normal-sized
man, but he comes out this tall?
(shows with fingers)
Now then! Switch on!

One of the Oompa-Loompas grabs a very large switch and pulls
it down.

There is a blinding FLASH. Charlie is the first to notice--

CHARLIE
It’s gone!

Indeed, the enormous bar of chocolate has disappeared
completely into thin air.

WONKA
It is now rushing through the air
above our heads in a million tiny
pieces. Quick! Come over here!

He dashes over to the other end of the room to the large
television set. The others follow.

WONKA (CONT'D)
Watch the screen. Here it comes.
Look!

The t.v. flickers and lights up. Then suddenly, a small bar
of chocolate appears in the middle of the screen.

WONKA (CONT'D)
(to Mike)
Take it!

MIKE
It's just a picture on a screen.

WONKA
(points to Charlie)
You take it! Reach out and grab
it.

Charlie puts out his hand and touches the screen, and
suddenly, miraculously, the bar of chocolate comes away in
his fingers. He is so surprised he nearly drops it.

GRANDPA JOE
Holy buckets.



(CONTINUED)
96.
121 CONTINUED: (3) 121


WONKA
Eat it! Go on, eat it! It'll be
delicious. It's the same bar!
It's gotten smaller on the journey,
that's all!

Charlie unwraps it and takes a bite.

CHARLIE
It’s great!

MR. TEAVEE
It's a miracle!

For his part, Mike is speechless. He keeps trying to figure
out how Wonka did it.

WONKA
Imagine -- you're sitting at home
watching television and suddenly a
commercial will flash onto the
screen and a voice will say,
WONKA'S CHOCOLATES ARE THE BEST IN
THE WORLD! IF YOU DON'T BELIEVE
US, TRY ONE FOR YOURSELF! And you
simply reach out and take one. How
about that?

MR. TEAVEE
Can you send other things?
Breakfast cereal?

WONKA
Uggh! Do you know what breakfast
cereal is made of? It's just those
little curly wooden shavings you
find in pencil sharpeners!

CHARLIE
But could you send it by television
if you wanted to?

WONKA
Of course I could!

MIKE
What about people?

WONKA
Why would I want to send a person?




(CONTINUED)
97.
121 CONTINUED: (4) 121


MIKE
Don’t you realize what you
invented? It’s a teleporter. It’s
the most important invention in the
history of the world! But all you
think about is chocolate!

MR. TEAVEE
Calm down, Mike. I think Mr. Wonka
knows what he’s doing.

MIKE
No he doesn’t! He has no idea!
You think he’s a genius, but he’s
an idiot!
(beat)
But I’m not.

Mike takes off running towards the camera.

WONKA
No, no, no, no!

There is no stopping Mike now. The crazy boy rushes to the
enormous camera, scattering Oompa-Loompas left and right. He
jumps straight for the switch.


122 A BLINDING FLASH. 122

Then silence.

MR. TEAVEE
He's gone! Mike! He's gone!

As zany COMMERCIAL-JINGLE MUSIC kicks in, the Oompa-Loompas
throw off their helmets and start one last song-and-dance:

OOMPA-LOOMPAS
Not to worry! Not to panic!
So this kid of yours has got you manic.
There’s a problem -- we can fix it.
Our solution truly licks it.
And it’s yours for merely 19.95!

On a small cart, they wheel out a box covered with question
marks, a la “Let’s Make a Deal!”

Two Oompa-Loompas hold up plexiglass in front of it, labelled
“CREDIT CARDS ACCEPTED.”




(CONTINUED)
98.
122 CONTINUED: 122


WONKA
(ignoring the song)
We must watch the television set!
He may come through any moment. I
just hope that no part of him gets
left behind.

MR. TEAVEE
What do you mean?

WONKA
Sometimes only half of the little
pieces find their way to the
television set.

They all stare tensely at the screen, which is blank.

OOMPA-LOOMPAS
We say with no derision,
Mike was raised by television,
He fell into its sweet-as-honey trap!

CHARLIE
Something's happening!

The screen suddenly flickers. Then some wavy lines appear.
Wonka adjusts one of the knobs.

WONKA
If you had to choose only one-half
of your son...

MR. TEAVEE
I’d probably pick the top half.
(beat; considering)
Yeah, definitely. The top half.

The screen gets brighter and brighter.

OOMPA-LOOMPAS
You may well applaud us
At Confederated Products,
But our technology is truly nothing new!

WONKA
Here he comes! Yes, that's him all
right.

MR. TEAVEE
Is he all in one piece?




(CONTINUED)
99.
122 CONTINUED: (2) 122


WONKA
It's too early to tell.

Faintly at first, but becoming clearer and clearer, the
picture of Mike appears on screen. He stands up and waves to
his audience, grinning from ear to ear.

GRANDPA JOE
He's so small!

WONKA
Grab him! Quick!

Mr. Teavee shoots out his hand and picks the tiny figure of
Mike out of the screen.

He’s smaller than an Oompa-Loompa, even. His voice is high
and squeaky.

MIKE
I told you I was right!

OOMPA-LOOMPAS
Now Mr. Know-It-All is just seven inches tall.
Yet somehow he is still as big a pest.

WONKA
Thank heavens! He's completely
unharmed!

MR. TEAVEE
We can't send him back to school
like this. He'll get trod upon.
Squashed.

MIKE
Just put me back through the other
way!

WONKA
There is no “other way.” It’s
television, not telephone. There’s
quite a difference. Scientifically.

MR. TEAVEE
Well, how can we make him grow?

WONKA
Young men are extremely springy and
elastic. They stretch like mad.
So what we'll do, we'll put him in
the ribbon candy puller.


(CONTINUED)
100.
122 CONTINUED: (3) 122


MR. TEAVEE
How far d'you think he'll stretch?

WONKA
Who knows? But he's going to be
awfully thin. Everything gets
thinner when you stretch it.

As one Oompa-Loompa leads Mr. Teavee away, the others finish
the song.

OOMPA-LOOMPAS
To avoid this situation,
And the constant aggravation,
May we offer you a sample of our wares?

The Oompa-Loompas lift the mystery box, revealing a remote
control. They hand it to Mr. Teavee.

OOMPA-LOOMPAS (CONT’D)
For the unfortunate collision
Of a boy and television,
A pig who won’t stop feeding at the trough.
Simply...
Turn it off!

Mr. Teavee aims the remote at the television screen and
CLICKS. The picture shrinks down to a tiny dot. As it does,
all the lights go out.

CUT TO:


123 MOMENTS LATER 123

The television room quite a bit darker -- just a few pools
of light.

Back at the table with the television set, Wonka takes
Charlie and Grandpa Joe’s sunglasses and begins walking back
to the great glass elevator.

WONKA
There’s still a lot to see. Now,
how many children are left?

Charlie looks up at Grandpa Joe. Grandpa Joe looks back at
Charlie.

GRANDPA JOE
Mr. Wonka, there's...there's only
Charlie left now.


(CONTINUED)
101.
123 CONTINUED: 123


Wonka swings around and stares at Charlie. There is silence.
Charlie stands there holding tightly onto Grandpa Joe's hand.

WONKA
You mean you're the only one?

CHARLIE
Yes.

WONKA
But my dear boy, that means you've
won! Oh, I do congratulate you! I
really do!
(shakes Charlie’s hand)
I'm absolutely delighted! I had a
hunch, you know, right from the
beginning! Well done!

Of course, Charlie has no idea what he’s won. He and Grandpa
Joe simply follow along.

WONKA (CONT’D)
Now we mustn't dilly! Or dally!
We have an enormous number of
things to do before the day is out!
Just think of the arrangements that
have to be made! But luckily for
us, we have the great glass
elevator to speed things up!

WHACK! He walks right into the side of it -- it’s nearly
invisible. Trying to cover his blunder...

WONKA (CONT’D)
Door’s on this side.
Genres: ["Fantasy","Adventure","Comedy"]

Summary Thirty years after a family argument, Wonka demonstrates his television chocolate machine, shrinking Mike in the process. Charlie remains the last child in the factory, unaware of his victory.
Strengths
  • Innovative concept of Television Chocolate
  • Quirky and memorable characters
  • Engaging dialogue and interactions
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development in this scene
  • Some elements may be too fantastical for some audiences

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly engaging, with a mix of humor, suspense, and creativity. The concept of Television Chocolate is fascinating and adds a unique element to the story. The high stakes of Mike's disappearance and return keep the audience invested.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of Television Chocolate is innovative and adds a fantastical element to the scene. The idea of sending physical objects through television is intriguing and sets the scene apart.

Plot: 8

The plot is well-developed, with a clear progression as the characters explore the Television Room and encounter the invention of Television Chocolate. The conflict of Mike disappearing adds tension and excitement.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces fresh and imaginative concepts like television chocolate and teleportation, creating a unique and engaging narrative. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and contribute to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters, especially Willy Wonka and the Oompa-Loompas, are quirky, eccentric, and memorable. Their interactions and reactions add depth and humor to the scene.

Character Changes: 6

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the characters' interactions and reactions reveal more about their personalities.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to prove himself and pursue his dreams, as seen through Little Willy's determination to become a chocolateer and Mike's desire to showcase his knowledge and intelligence.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to navigate the challenges presented by the inventions and situations they encounter, such as the disappearance of the house and the teleportation experiment.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict of Mike disappearing and the uncertainty of his return creates tension and raises the stakes in the scene.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create conflict and tension, such as Mike's skepticism and defiance towards Wonka's inventions. The audience is left wondering how the characters will overcome these obstacles.

High Stakes: 8

The high stakes of Mike disappearing and the uncertainty of his return create tension and keep the audience engaged.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing a new invention, exploring the capabilities of the Great Glass Elevator, and resolving the conflict of Mike's disappearance.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected twists and turns, such as the disappearance of the house and the teleportation experiment. The audience is kept on their toes, unsure of what will happen next.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict revolves around the clash between scientific skepticism and imaginative innovation, as seen in Mike's disbelief in Wonka's inventions and Wonka's creative approach to technology.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene elicits a range of emotions from excitement to amusement. The suspense of Mike's disappearance and the relief of his safe return add emotional depth.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is witty, humorous, and reflective of each character's personality. It adds to the whimsical tone of the scene and keeps the audience engaged.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its blend of humor, suspense, and fantastical elements. The audience is drawn into the characters' dilemmas and the innovative inventions they encounter.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a balance of dialogue, action, and description that keeps the story moving forward. The rhythm of the scene contributes to its effectiveness in building tension and excitement.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and easy to follow, with distinct transitions and descriptions that enhance the visual storytelling. It aligns with the expected format for its genre.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format that transitions smoothly between different locations and introduces new elements seamlessly. It maintains the expected structure for its genre.


Critique
  • The scene transitions abruptly from a flashback of Little Willy's argument with his father to the present-day events in the Great Glass Elevator, which can be disorienting for the audience.
  • The transition from the flashback to the present-day events lacks a clear connection or thematic link, making it feel disjointed.
  • The dialogue between Mike and Wonka about the scientific feasibility of the Television Chocolate invention feels forced and unrealistic, detracting from the whimsical and fantastical tone of the scene.
  • The resolution of Mike's shrinking and subsequent stretching feels rushed and lacks emotional depth, missing an opportunity to explore the consequences of his actions.
  • The Oompa-Loompas' song and dance at the end of the scene, while entertaining, may distract from the main narrative and slow down the pacing of the scene.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a smoother transition between the flashback and present-day events to maintain continuity and coherence in the storytelling.
  • Focus on maintaining the whimsical and fantastical tone of the scene by avoiding overly technical or scientific dialogue that may feel out of place in a magical setting.
  • Explore the emotional impact of Mike's shrinking and stretching in more depth to add depth and resonance to his character arc.
  • Streamline the Oompa-Loompas' song and dance to ensure it enhances the narrative rather than detracting from it.
  • Consider revising the resolution of Mike's shrinking to make it more impactful and meaningful within the context of the story.



Scene 35 -  Up and Out: Escaping the Factory
124 INT. THE GREAT GLASS ELEVATOR - DAY 124

As the doors shut, Wonka reaches for a button high up on the
glass ceiling of the elevator. Charlie and Grandpa Joe both
crane their necks to read what is says on the little label
beside the button.

It says: UP AND OUT.

CHARLIE
Up and out? What kind of room is
that?

Wonka presses the button. The glass doors close.



(CONTINUED)
102.
124 CONTINUED: 124


WONKA
Hold on.


125 WHAM! 125

The elevator shoots straight up like a rocket.

WONKA
Faster!
(bangs wall of elevator)
Faster! Faster! If we don't go
any faster than this, we’ll never
get through!

CHARLIE
Get through what?

WONKA
See, I've been longing to press
this button for years! But I
couldn't bear the thought of making
a great big hole in the roof of the
factory! Here we go, now. Up and
out!

GRANDPA JOE
But do you really mean...you don't
really mean this elevator...

WONKA
Oh yes, I do! You wait and see.
Up and out!

GRANDPA JOE
But it's made of glass! It'll
break into a million pieces!

Looking up, Charlie and Grandpa Joe see the rafters and beams
of the roof quickly approaching. Grandpa Joe holds Charlie
tight, sheltering him as the elevator


126 SMASHES THROUGH 126

layer after layer of wood, straw, dust, insulation, tile and
steel, finally emerging...
103.
Genres: ["Fantasy","Adventure","Family"]

Summary Wonka presses the 'Up and Out' button, propelling the glass elevator through the factory's roof, shattering layers of materials along its path. Despite Grandpa Joe's fears of breakage, the elevator emerges triumphant, leaving the confines of the factory behind.
Strengths
  • Innovative concept
  • Exciting plot development
  • Emotional impact
Weaknesses
  • Minimal dialogue
  • Limited character development

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly engaging, filled with excitement, and introduces a new and unexpected element with the glass elevator breaking through the roof. It keeps the audience on their toes and eager to see what happens next.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of the glass elevator breaking through the roof to go 'up and out' is a creative and unexpected twist that adds a new dimension to the scene. It showcases Willy Wonka's eccentricity and the fantastical nature of the chocolate factory.

Plot: 9

The plot of the scene is driven by the unexpected action of the glass elevator breaking through the roof and taking the characters on a thrilling adventure. It adds a new layer of excitement and mystery to the story.

Originality: 9

The scene is original in its depiction of a glass elevator breaking through the factory's roof, as well as in the characters' reactions and dialogue. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters, particularly Willy Wonka, Grandpa Joe, and Charlie, react to the situation with a mix of curiosity, excitement, and concern, adding depth to their personalities. Their interactions and reactions enhance the scene.

Character Changes: 6

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the characters' reactions to the unexpected event showcase different facets of their personalities and deepen the audience's understanding of them.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to experience the thrill and excitement of the elevator ride, as well as to understand Wonka's intentions behind pressing the 'Up and Out' button.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to survive the elevator ride and understand the purpose of breaking through the factory's roof.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict in the scene arises from the characters' uncertainty and concern about the glass elevator breaking through the roof. It adds tension and excitement to the narrative.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the characters facing a dangerous and unpredictable situation that adds tension and conflict to the story.

High Stakes: 8

The high stakes in the scene come from the characters' precarious situation as the glass elevator breaks through the roof and takes them on a wild ride. The sense of danger and excitement heightens the tension and engagement.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward by introducing a new and unexpected element with the glass elevator breaking through the roof. It sets the stage for further adventures and developments in the narrative.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twist of the glass elevator breaking through the factory's roof, as well as the characters' reactions to the situation.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the idea of taking risks and breaking through barriers to achieve something extraordinary. It challenges the protagonist's beliefs about safety and tradition.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a sense of wonder, excitement, and anticipation in the audience as the characters embark on a thrilling adventure in the glass elevator. It creates an emotional connection with the characters and their journey.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue in the scene is minimal but effective in conveying the characters' reactions to the unexpected turn of events. It adds to the overall tone of whimsy and adventure.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its fast-paced action, suspenseful moments, and intriguing dialogue that keeps the audience on the edge of their seats.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a perfect balance of action, dialogue, and suspense that keeps the audience engaged and invested in the story.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings, action descriptions, and character dialogue.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear action and dialogue sequences that build tension and excitement.


Critique
  • The scene lacks clear direction and purpose, as the action of the elevator shooting up like a rocket feels random and disconnected from the overall story.
  • The dialogue between the characters, while whimsical, does not provide much depth or insight into their personalities or motivations.
  • The scene lacks tension or stakes, as the characters' reactions to the elevator's sudden movement are not fully explored or developed.
  • The visual description of the elevator smashing through the roof could be more vivid and impactful to create a sense of awe and wonder.
  • There is a missed opportunity to delve into the emotional impact of the characters experiencing such a dramatic and unexpected event.
Suggestions
  • Clarify the purpose of the 'Up and Out' button and how it connects to the larger narrative of the story.
  • Develop the characters' reactions and dialogue to add depth and meaning to the scene.
  • Create a sense of urgency or danger to increase tension and engage the audience.
  • Enhance the visual description of the elevator breaking through the roof to make it a more memorable and visually striking moment.
  • Explore the emotional aftermath of the characters' experience to add depth and resonance to the scene.



Scene 36 -  The Great Glass Elevator Tour
127 EXT. ABOVE THE FACTORY / THE TOWN - DAY 127

Sunshine pours through the glass roof. In five seconds, they
are flying a thousand feet up in the sky, hovering over the
factory and over the very town itself which lay spread out
below them like a picture postcard.

Charlie and Grandpa Joe each open an eye, not certain they’re
still alive.

Looking down through the glass floor, Charlie sees the small
far-away houses and streets. Snow lays thick over
everything, while smoke curls up from chimneys.

Wonka pushes another button, and a small steering wheel
emerges from the glass wall. He uses it to maneuver the
elevator.

WONKA
First thing, let’s check on our
other guests.

Tipping the wheel, he drops the craft down closer to the
factory, hovering just 50 feet above the ground.


128 EXT. FACTORY YARD - DAY 128

Three of the children and their parents are walking across
the snow. The Gloops are in the lead. Augustus is covered
in sticky chocolate, except for his face, which is clean.
He’s chewing on his fudgy fingers.

MRS. GLOOP
Augustus, do not eat your fingers!

AUGUSTUS
But I taste so goot!

Behind them, violet Violet is doing gymnastics. After going
through the wringer, she can twist all the way back on
herself.

VIOLET
Look, mother! I’m much more
flexible now!

MS. BEAUREGARDE
Yes, but you’re blue!




(CONTINUED)
104.
128 CONTINUED: 128


Veruca Salt and her father are covered in slimy garbage and
fish bones. Veruca spots the elevator and points.

VERUCA
Daddy, I want a flying glass
elevator!

MR. SALT
Veruca, all you’re getting today is
a bath, and that’s final.

VERUCA
BUT I WANT IT!

Mr. Salt just puts his fingers in his ears and keeps walking.
Genres: ["Fantasy","Adventure","Comedy"]

Summary Charlie, Grandpa Joe, and the other children embark on a whimsical tour of the Wonka factory aboard the Great Glass Elevator. As they soar above the factory and town, Mr. Wonka showcases the wonders of his chocolate-making empire. Along the way, the children encounter various mishaps: Augustus Gloop indulges in excessive chocolate consumption, Violet Beauregarde tests an experimental gum with transforming effects, and Veruca Salt demands an extravagant gift. Despite the occasional chaos, the tour showcases the magic and excitement of the Wonka factory, leaving the children in awe of its marvels.
Strengths
  • Whimsical setting
  • Humorous dialogue
  • Engaging character interactions
Weaknesses
  • Lack of emotional depth
  • Limited character development

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively combines fantasy elements with comedic moments, creating an engaging and entertaining sequence that advances the story.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a glass elevator flying over a town and the unique characters interacting in this fantastical setting is innovative and captivating.

Plot: 7

The plot progresses as the characters explore the factory and encounter various challenges and surprises, leading to a climactic moment in the glass elevator.

Originality: 9

The scene is original in its depiction of a flying glass elevator and the quirky interactions between the characters. The dialogue feels authentic and the situations are fresh and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters' personalities shine through in their interactions, showcasing their quirks and motivations in a humorous and engaging way.

Character Changes: 4

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the interactions between the characters reveal more about their personalities and motivations.

Internal Goal: 8

Charlie's internal goal is to navigate this new and surreal experience with Wonka's glass elevator. It reflects his desire for adventure and exploration, as well as his curiosity about the world around him.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to check on the other guests in the factory. This reflects the immediate challenge of managing the tour and ensuring everyone's safety.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

There is a mild conflict present in the scene, mainly revolving around the characters' desires and interactions, adding tension and humor to the narrative.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicts arising between the characters and their desires, adding depth and complexity to the narrative.

High Stakes: 5

The stakes are relatively low in this scene, focusing more on the characters' humorous interactions and exploration of the factory rather than intense conflict or danger.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing new challenges and surprises for the characters, setting up the next phase of their adventure in the factory.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected reactions and interactions between the characters, adding a sense of tension and surprise.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

There is a philosophical conflict between Veruca's desire for luxury and her father's refusal to indulge her. This challenges the protagonist's values of family and responsibility.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 5

The scene focuses more on humor and whimsy rather than deep emotional moments, providing light-hearted entertainment for the audience.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is witty and playful, adding to the comedic tone of the scene and revealing more about the characters' relationships and dynamics.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its whimsical and fantastical elements, as well as the quirky interactions between the characters.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining a sense of tension and excitement, while allowing for moments of humor and reflection.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear transitions and a focus on character interactions.


Critique
  • The transition from the Great Glass Elevator to flying above the factory and town is abrupt and lacks a smooth transition. Consider adding a smoother transition to connect the two scenes seamlessly.
  • The description of the town below being spread out like a picture postcard is a bit cliched and could be more creatively described to evoke a stronger visual image.
  • The dialogue between the characters, especially Augustus, Violet, and Veruca, feels a bit stereotypical and could benefit from more unique and authentic interactions.
  • The actions of the characters, such as Violet doing gymnastics and Veruca demanding a flying glass elevator, feel a bit forced and could be more naturally integrated into the scene.
  • The scene lacks a clear sense of purpose or direction, and the interactions between the characters could be more meaningful or impactful to drive the story forward.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a smoother transition between scenes to improve the flow of the narrative.
  • Try to avoid cliched descriptions and aim for more creative and unique imagery to enhance the visual experience for the reader.
  • Focus on developing more authentic and engaging dialogue for the characters to make their interactions more compelling and realistic.
  • Integrate the actions of the characters more organically into the scene to make them feel more natural and purposeful.
  • Ensure that each scene contributes meaningfully to the overall story progression and character development to keep the audience engaged and invested.



Scene 37 -  Charlie's House and the Elevator Crash
129 INT. THE ELEVATOR - DAY 129

Wonka turns to Charlie.

WONKA
Now, where did you live?

CHARLIE
Right over there. That little
house.

Wonka follows Charlie’s pointing finger.


130 INT. THE LITTLE HOUSE - DAY 130

Mother checks her watch.

MOTHER
What time do you think they’ll be
back?

FATHER
No way to know.

Suddenly, a CRASH! Mother and Father dive out of the way as
the great glass elevator


131 SMASHES 131

through the ceiling and flattens the kitchen table.

Showers of dust and tiles and wood and spiders and bricks and
cement rain down.


(CONTINUED)
105.
131 CONTINUED: 131


Grandma Josephine faints. Grandpa George drops his false
teeth. Grandma Georgina leans over to her husband.

GRANDMA GEORGINA
I think someone’s at the door.

Charlie waves and says, “Hi Mom!” But they can’t hear him,
because the elevator is still shut. Once the doors slide
open.

CHARLIE
Mom! Dad!

FATHER
Charlie?

CHARLIE
This is Willy Wonka! He gave us a
ride home.

MOTHER
(re: the hole in the roof)
I see that.

Father and Mother help each other up.

WONKA
You must be the boy’s p-p-p-p-p...

FATHER
Parents?

WONKA
Yes, that.

GRANDPA JOE
He says Charlie’s won something!

WONKA
Not just some something! The most
something something of any
something that’s ever been. I am
giving this boy my entire factory.

A long beat.

GRANDPA JOE
You must be joking.




(CONTINUED)
106.
131 CONTINUED: (2) 131


WONKA
It's quite true. You see, a few
months ago, I was having my semi-
annual haircut, and I had the
strangest revelation!

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Fantasy","Adventure","Comedy"]

Summary Charlie shows Wonka his house, and the elevator crashes through the ceiling, flattening the kitchen table and causing a shower of debris. Grandma Josephine faints, Grandpa George drops his false teeth, and Grandma Georgina notices someone at the door. Charlie greets his parents, who are shocked to see Wonka. Wonka declares that he is giving Charlie his entire factory. Grandpa Joe is skeptical, but Wonka insists he is serious.
Strengths
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Fantastical elements
  • Strong character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Lack of significant character development

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly engaging, filled with humor, excitement, and fantastical elements that captivate the audience.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of a magical glass elevator crashing through a house and the idea of winning a chocolate factory are innovative and captivating.

Plot: 8

The plot is well-developed, with the introduction of the chocolate factory tour, the revelation of the prize, and the eccentricities of Willy Wonka driving the narrative forward.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh and imaginative situation where a boy wins an entire factory, adding a unique twist to the familiar theme of a rags-to-riches story. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters, especially Willy Wonka, Grandpa Joe, and Charlie, are well-defined, quirky, and add depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 6

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the dynamics between the characters evolve as the plot progresses.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to share his excitement and joy with his family about winning the factory. This reflects his desire for validation, recognition, and a sense of belonging.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to convince his family that he has won the factory and that Willy Wonka is giving it to him. This reflects the immediate challenge of disbelief and skepticism from his family.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

There is a moderate level of conflict, especially with the introduction of the prize and the characters' reactions.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create tension and conflict, with the family's skepticism posing a significant obstacle for the protagonist. The audience is left wondering how the situation will be resolved.

High Stakes: 8

The high stakes of winning the entire chocolate factory and the unexpected events in the scene add tension and excitement.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by introducing key plot points and escalating the stakes.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twist of the protagonist winning the factory and the family's disbelief. The audience is kept on their toes, unsure of how the characters will react.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the clash between skepticism and belief. The family's disbelief in Wonka's offer challenges the protagonist's beliefs in the extraordinary and magical.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from humor to excitement to wonder.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is witty, humorous, and reveals the personalities of the characters effectively.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its mix of humor, surprise, and emotional moments. The audience is drawn into the characters' reactions and the unfolding events.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a good balance of dialogue, action, and character interactions. The rhythm of the scene contributes to its effectiveness in conveying the story.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with proper scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear transitions between locations and well-paced dialogue sequences.


Critique
  • The transition from the elevator crashing through the ceiling to the family's reaction feels rushed and lacks a smooth transition.
  • The dialogue between the characters, especially Wonka and the family, could be more engaging and dynamic to enhance the emotional impact of the scene.
  • The physical description of the chaos caused by the elevator crashing through the ceiling could be more vivid and detailed to create a stronger visual image for the audience.
  • The revelation of Wonka giving Charlie his entire factory feels abrupt and could benefit from more build-up and explanation to make it more believable and impactful.
  • The interaction between the characters, especially the family's disbelief and Wonka's insistence, could be further developed to add depth and complexity to the scene.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of suspense or anticipation before the elevator crashes through the ceiling to build tension and create a more impactful reveal.
  • Enhance the dialogue between the characters to reflect their emotions and reactions more realistically, adding layers to their interactions.
  • Provide more sensory details in the description of the chaos caused by the elevator crash to immerse the audience in the scene and enhance the visual impact.
  • Develop the revelation of Wonka giving Charlie his entire factory by adding context or backstory to make the decision more understandable and meaningful.
  • Expand on the interaction between the characters to explore their conflicting emotions and motivations, adding depth and complexity to the scene.



Scene 38 -  Wonka's Offer
A132 INT. FACTORY BARBER SHOP - DAY [PAST] A132

Wonka sits in a barber chair, doodling on a sketchpad while
OOMPA-BARBER SNIPS away. (The barber is on a ladder.)

Brushing the hair away as it falls on his paper, Wonka
notices something strange.

SPLIT FOCUS

Wonka stares a single SILVER HAIR -- his very first.

WONKA (V.O.)
In that one silver hair, I saw
reflected my life’s work: my
factory, my candy, my beloved Oompa-
Loompas. Who would watch over them
after I was gone? I realized in
that moment...

Wonka turns to the Oompa-Barber.

WONKA (CONT’D)
I must find an heir!

BACK TO:


B132 INT. THE LITTLE HOUSE - DAY B132

WONKA
And I did, Charlie. You!

As he talks, Wonka wanders about the little house, looking
into cupboards and lifting the lids off pots. He’s a
terribly nosy houseguest.

CHARLIE
That’s why you sent out the Golden
Tickets!




(CONTINUED)
107.
B132 CONTINUED: B132


WONKA
I invited five children to the
factory, and the one who was least
rotten would be the winner!

GRANDPA JOE
That’s you, Charlie!

MOTHER
What are Oompa-Loompas?

After handing Grandpa George his dentures, Wonka uncovers
Charlie’s toothpaste-cap scale replica of the factory. He
picks it up, startled by the resemblance.

WONKA
So what do you say? Are you ready
to leave all this behind and come
live at the real factory?

CHARLIE
Sure! Of course! I mean...
(looks to his parents)
It’s all right if my family comes,
too?

Smiling broadly, Wonka kneels down beside Charlie.

WONKA
My dear boy, of course they can’t.

Charlie blinks. Did he really hear him right?

WONKA (CONT’D)
You can’t run a chocolate factory
with a family hanging over you like
so much dead weight.
(to the grandparents)
No offense.

GRANDPA GEORGE
None taken, jerk.

WONKA
A chocolateer has to run free and
solo! He has to follows his
dreams, damn the consequences.
Look at me! I had no family, and
I’m a giant success.

Finally realizing the implication...



(CONTINUED)
108.
B132 CONTINUED: (2) B132


CHARLIE
So if I go with you to the factory, I
won’t ever see my family again?

WONKA
Consider that a bonus!

CHARLIE
Then I’m not going. I wouldn’t
give up my family for anything.
Not for all the chocolate in the
world.

WONKA
Oh! Oh. I see.
(a little hopeful)
There’s other candy, too. Besides
chocolate.

CHARLIE
I’m sorry, Mr. Wonka. I’m staying
here.

WONKA
Well, that’s just...unexpected.
But I suppose I...In that case
I’ll...

Handing Charlie his model, Wonka gets back in the elevator.

WONKA (CONT’D)
Goodbye, then.

The doors shut. Then open again.

WONKA (CONT’D)
You’re sure you won’t change your
mind.

CHARLIE
I’m sure.

Wonka closes the doors again. He presses the “Up and Away”
button. Suddenly, the elevator launches straight up through
the same hole in the roof.

The Bucket family is left were they stand -- or lie -- with a
flattened kitchen table and swirls of snow coming in from the
darkening sky.

No one knows what to say until finally...



(CONTINUED)
109.
B132 CONTINUED: (3) B132


GRANDMA GEORGINA
Things are going to get much
better!

Everyone turns to look at her.

NARRATOR (V.O.)
And for once, Grandma Georgina knew
exactly what she was talking about.

TRANSITION TO:
Genres: ["Fantasy","Adventure","Family"]

Summary Wonka recognizes the need for an heir and offers the position to Charlie after testing him and four other children. While initially excited, Charlie ultimately declines the offer due to his desire to remain with his family. Wonka, though initially disappointed, acknowledges the unexpected nature of the decision and respects it.
Strengths
  • Engaging concept
  • Well-defined characters
  • Whimsical tone
Weaknesses
  • Dialogue could be more impactful

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is engaging, filled with fantastical elements, and presents a moral dilemma that adds depth to the story.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of finding an heir for the chocolate factory and the moral dilemma faced by Charlie are well-developed and add depth to the story.

Plot: 8

The plot advances as Willy Wonka tries to convince Charlie to become the heir of the factory, leading to a decision that impacts the characters' futures.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the theme of legacy and family values within a fantastical setting. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters, especially Willy Wonka and Charlie, are well-defined and their interactions drive the emotional core of the scene.

Character Changes: 7

Charlie undergoes a significant internal change by choosing family over the opportunity to inherit the chocolate factory.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to find an heir to take over his factory and legacy after he's gone. This reflects his deeper need for continuity, legacy, and ensuring the well-being of his beloved Oompa-Loompas.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to convince Charlie to come live at the real factory and leave his family behind. This reflects the immediate challenge of finding a suitable heir and running the factory solo.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict between Willy Wonka's desire for an heir and Charlie's loyalty to his family creates tension and drives the scene forward.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting desires, emotional stakes, and uncertain outcomes that keep the audience on edge.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are high as Charlie must choose between a life of luxury at the factory and staying with his family.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by setting up Charlie's decision and the potential consequences for the characters.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected turn of events, the conflicting desires of the characters, and the ambiguous outcome.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is between individual success and family values. Wonka believes in running free and solo to follow his dreams, while Charlie values his family above all else.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a sense of nostalgia and warmth, especially in Charlie's decision to prioritize family over personal gain.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is whimsical and reflects the eccentric nature of the characters, but could be more impactful in conveying emotions.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the dynamic interactions between the characters, the high stakes, and the emotional depth of the conflict.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension, revealing information gradually, and maintaining the audience's interest.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings, action lines, and dialogue.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution.


Critique
  • The scene transitions abruptly from Wonka realizing he needs to find an heir to him already being at Charlie's house, which can be disorienting for the audience.
  • Wonka's sudden decision to offer Charlie the factory as an heir feels rushed and lacks proper build-up or explanation.
  • The dialogue between Wonka and Charlie about leaving his family behind lacks emotional depth and could benefit from more nuanced exploration of Charlie's internal conflict.
  • The scene lacks a clear resolution or closure, leaving the audience hanging with the elevator launching through the roof.
  • Wonka's character arc and motivations for choosing Charlie as his heir could be more clearly defined and developed throughout the scene.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a smoother transition between Wonka's realization and his arrival at Charlie's house to improve the flow of the scene.
  • Provide more context and backstory for Wonka's decision to choose Charlie as his heir to make the offer feel more meaningful and well-founded.
  • Enhance the emotional impact of the dialogue between Wonka and Charlie by delving deeper into Charlie's conflicting feelings about leaving his family.
  • Add a more conclusive ending to the scene to provide closure and a sense of resolution for the audience.
  • Further develop Wonka's character arc and motivations throughout the scene to make his decision to offer Charlie the factory more believable and compelling.



Scene 39 -  The Buckets and Wonka's Struggles
132 EXT. THE LITTLE HOUSE - [THE NEXT] DAY 132

Father and Mother are up on the roof, hammering new shingles
in place. Charlie is on the ground, pulling nails from old
boards to re-use. Most of the snow has melted.

NARRATOR (V.O.)
The next morning, Charlie helped
his parents fix the hole in the
roof.


133 INT. THE LITTLE HOUSE - DAY 133

Dust falls from the ceiling, where the parents are HAMMERING.
Grandpa Joe sweeps up with a broom.

NARRATOR (V.O.)
Grandpa Joe spent the whole day out
of bed. He didn’t feel tired at
all.


134 INT. TOOTHPASTE FACTORY - DAY 134

Father shakes hands with the Foreman.

NARRATOR (V.O.)
Charlie’s father got a better job
at the toothpaste factory,
repairing the machine that had
replaced him...


135 OMIT 135
110.




136 EXT. TRAIN STATION / SHOE SHINE STAND - DAY 136

Smiling, Charlie finishes buffing the wingtips of a HAPPY
BUSINESSMAN.

NARRATOR (V.O.)
...while Charlie made extra money
after school.


137 INT. THE LITTLE HOUSE - NIGHT 137

Mother and Father get dinner ready while Charlie sets the
repaired kitchen table.

NARRATOR (V.O.)
Things had never been better for
the Bucket family.

For the first time, there’s plenty of food, and no cabbage
soup.

NARRATOR (V.O.) (CONT’D)
The same could not be said for
Willy Wonka.


138-139 OMIT 138-139


140 CLOSE ON WONKA 140

We gradually PULL OUT as he talks. He’s agitated, irritable.
He hasn’t been sleeping well.

WONKA
I can’t put my finger on it. Candy
has always been the only thing I
was certain of, and now I’m not
certain at all.

Wonka is lying on a couch. An OOMPA-LOOMPA with glasses --
his psychiatrist -- takes notes in a pad.

WONKA (CONT’D)
I don’t know which flavors to make,
which ideas to try. I’m second-
guessing myself, which is mad.
I’ve always made whatever candy I
feel like.



(CONTINUED)
111.
140 CONTINUED: 140


A beat, then Wonka has a sudden insight. He sits up.

WONKA (CONT’D)
That’s just it, isn’t it!? I make
the candy I feel like, but now I
feel terrible, so the candy is
terrible.
(to the psychiatrist)
Ooh. You’re very good.

The Oompa-Loompa takes off his glasses and nods.
Genres: ["Fantasy","Adventure","Family"]

Summary The Bucket family repairs their home while Charlie earns extra income. Despite Father's improved job, Willy Wonka faces creative challenges and self-doubt. After consulting a psychiatrist, Wonka realizes his candy's decline mirrors his emotional state.
Strengths
  • Exploration of internal conflict
  • Character development
  • Emotional resonance
Weaknesses
  • Lack of external conflict
  • Limited action

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively combines elements of fantasy, adventure, and family dynamics, providing a rich and engaging narrative. The exploration of Wonka's creative crisis adds depth to the story.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring Willy Wonka's creative block and the impact of Charlie's visit on his family is unique and adds layers to the overall story.

Plot: 7

The plot advances through the exploration of Wonka's internal struggle and the positive changes in Charlie's family, providing a mix of emotional depth and narrative progression.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the theme of creativity and self-doubt, with the character of Willy Wonka struggling to find inspiration. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters, especially Willy Wonka and Charlie, are well-developed and their interactions drive the emotional and thematic core of the scene.

Character Changes: 7

Willy Wonka undergoes a significant internal change as he confronts his creative block, while Charlie experiences growth in his family life, adding depth to their characters.

Internal Goal: 8

Charlie's internal goal in this scene is to help his family and contribute to their well-being. This reflects his deeper desire to support his loved ones and make a positive impact on their lives.

External Goal: 7

Charlie's external goal in this scene is to make extra money after school by shining shoes. This reflects the immediate circumstances of his family's financial struggles and his desire to contribute to their income.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

The conflict is primarily internal, focusing on Wonka's creative crisis and Charlie's decision-making, which drives the emotional tension in the scene.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create tension and conflict, but not overwhelming to the point of predictability.

High Stakes: 6

While the stakes are not life-threatening, the emotional stakes are high as Wonka grapples with his creative crisis and Charlie's family experiences positive changes.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by exploring Wonka's internal conflict and the positive changes in Charlie's family, setting the stage for the resolution of their arcs.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it introduces unexpected challenges and conflicts for the characters, keeping the audience on their toes.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around Willy Wonka's struggle with uncertainty and self-doubt. This challenges his belief in his own creativity and ability to make great candy.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from reflection to concern to hope, making it emotionally resonant and engaging.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue effectively conveys the characters' emotions and motivations, particularly Wonka's internal conflict and Charlie's growth.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it combines humor, drama, and introspection, keeping the audience interested in the characters' struggles and growth.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a good balance of dialogue, action, and introspection that keeps the story moving forward.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and easy to follow, with proper scene headings and descriptions.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear transitions between different locations and characters.


Critique
  • The transition from the previous scene to this one is a bit abrupt and could be smoother to maintain the flow of the story.
  • The scene lacks a clear connection to the overall narrative and the resolution of the story.
  • The focus on the Bucket family's daily activities and Wonka's struggles feels disconnected from the grand adventure and resolution of the story.
  • There is a lack of tension or conflict in this scene, making it less engaging for the audience.
  • The dialogue between Wonka and his psychiatrist feels a bit forced and could be more subtly integrated into the scene.
Suggestions
  • Consider tying this scene more closely to the resolution of the story or the character arcs of the main characters.
  • Introduce a small conflict or obstacle in this scene to add tension and keep the audience engaged.
  • Explore ways to make Wonka's realization about his candy more impactful and emotionally resonant.
  • Consider revising the dialogue between Wonka and his psychiatrist to make it more natural and reflective of Wonka's inner turmoil.
  • Think about how this scene can contribute to the overall themes and messages of the screenplay.



Scene 40 -  A Heart-to-Heart at the Shoe Shine Booth
141 EXT. TRAIN STATION / SHOE SHINE BOOTH - DAY 141

Charlie finishes up ONE MAN’S shoes, taking his tip.

CHARLIE
Thank you.

Charlie moves down to the next man waiting, who is already up
in the chair. The CUSTOMER has his face buried in the
business section of the local paper.

CUSTOMER
Pity about that chocolate
fellow...Wendell...Walter...

As he start to polish, Charlie notices that the man’s boots
have distinctive W’s on them. He quickly suspects his
customer is actually...

CHARLIE
Willy Wonka?

FROM THE SIDE

we see it is in fact Wonka in the chair.

WONKA
That’s the one. Says here his new
candies aren’t selling well. I
suppose maybe he’s a rotten sort of
person who deserves it.

CHARLIE
Yup.

Wonka was hoping Charlie would come to his defense.

WONKA
I don’t suppose you ever met him?


(CONTINUED)
112.
141 CONTINUED: 141


CHARLIE
I did. I thought he was nice at
first, but then he turned out to be
a jerk.
(beat)
He also smelled like a litter box.

Wonka drops the paper.

WONKA
I do not!

CHARLIE
Why are you here?

WONKA
I need you to make me feel better
about myself.

CHARLIE
I can’t do that.

WONKA
Well who can?

CHARLIE
I don’t know.

WONKA
Think! Who makes you feel better
when you feel terrible?

CHARLIE
My family.

Wonka GROANS, slinking back in his chair. Charlie climbs up
into the seat beside him. For the first time, they really
seem like equals.

CHARLIE (CONT’D)
What do you have against my family?

WONKA
It’s not your family. It’s the
very idea of p-p-p-p...You know.
Always telling you what to do, what
not to do. It’s the very
antithesis of inspiration!




(CONTINUED)
113.
141 CONTINUED: (2) 141


CHARLIE
Usually they’re just trying to
protect you. Because they love
you.

Wonka is bewildered by this idea.

CHARLIE (CONT’D)
If you don’t believe me, you should
ask.

WONKA
Ask my father? I couldn’t.
(beat)
Certainly not by myself.

CHARLIE
You want me to go with you?

WONKA
Yes. I’ve got transportation!



Wonka points to the right, where a HURRIED TRAVELLER suddenly
SMACKS into the unseen glass elevator. Oww.

WONKA
I should be more careful where I
park it.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Fantasy","Comedy","Adventure"]

Summary In a poignant encounter at a train station, Charlie interacts with the enigmatic Willy Wonka. Amidst the hustle and bustle, they delve into a conversation that unravels Wonka's inner turmoil. Haunted by insecurities and a strained relationship with his family, Wonka confides in Charlie about his worries. As a symbol of his anxiety, a glass elevator crashes into a passerby, adding a touch of humor to the scene. Touched by Wonka's vulnerability, Charlie offers his support and agrees to accompany him to confront his father. With this act of kindness, a glimmer of hope emerges for Wonka, as he realizes the value of human connection and the possibility of mending broken relationships.
Strengths
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Character development
  • Emotional depth
Weaknesses
  • Limited external conflict
  • Potential lack of action

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is well-written, engaging, and provides insight into the characters' motivations and conflicts. The interaction between Willy Wonka and Charlie is particularly compelling, adding depth to their relationship.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of self-reflection, family dynamics, and the balance between inspiration and protection is well-developed and adds depth to the characters and the overall story.

Plot: 7

The plot progresses as Willy Wonka seeks validation and understanding from Charlie, leading to a moment of self-realization. The scene adds depth to the characters and sets up potential conflicts and resolutions.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the relationship between Charlie and Wonka, exploring themes of forgiveness, understanding, and personal growth. The dialogue feels authentic and engaging, offering a new perspective on familiar characters.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Willy Wonka and Charlie are well-developed and their interaction adds layers to their personalities. The scene showcases their contrasting viewpoints and sets the stage for potential character growth.

Character Changes: 7

Willy Wonka experiences a moment of self-realization and vulnerability, showcasing a potential shift in his character arc. The scene sets the stage for further development and growth.

Internal Goal: 8

Charlie's internal goal is to stand up for himself and his family while also trying to understand Wonka's perspective. This reflects his need for validation and his desire to bridge the gap between them.

External Goal: 7

Charlie's external goal is to help Wonka feel better about himself and potentially mend their relationship. This reflects the immediate challenge of dealing with Wonka's insecurities and negative attitude.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

The conflict in the scene is more internal and emotional, as Willy Wonka grapples with feelings of inadequacy and seeks validation from Charlie. The tension is subtle but present.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create conflict and tension, but not overwhelming to the point of overshadowing the character development.

High Stakes: 5

The stakes in the scene are more emotional and internal, focusing on Willy Wonka's sense of self-worth and the potential impact on his relationships. The outcome could have repercussions for the characters' growth and development.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by deepening the relationship between Willy Wonka and Charlie, setting up potential conflicts and resolutions. It adds depth to the characters and the overall narrative.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected emotional vulnerability shown by Wonka and the shift in power dynamics between the characters.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between Charlie's belief in family values and Wonka's disdain for authority and inspiration. This challenges Charlie's worldview and forces him to confront the idea of family dynamics.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a sense of empathy and understanding for Willy Wonka as he struggles with his self-worth. The interaction between Willy Wonka and Charlie is poignant and heartfelt.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is witty, engaging, and reveals insights into the characters' motivations and conflicts. It adds depth to the scene and enhances the interaction between Willy Wonka and Charlie.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the dynamic between Charlie and Wonka, the humor in their interactions, and the emotional depth of their conversation.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and emotional resonance, allowing for moments of reflection and connection between the characters.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows standard formatting conventions for a screenplay, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a traditional format for character-driven dialogue scenes, allowing for natural progression and development of the relationship between Charlie and Wonka.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear direction or purpose, leaving the audience unsure of the significance of the interaction between Charlie and Wonka.
  • The dialogue feels forced and unnatural, especially the exchange about Wonka smelling like a litter box.
  • The emotional depth of the scene is lacking, making it difficult for the audience to connect with the characters and their motivations.
  • The transition from Wonka reading the paper to seeking validation from Charlie feels abrupt and disjointed.
  • There is a missed opportunity to explore the complex relationship between Wonka and his father in a more meaningful way.
Suggestions
  • Clarify the objective of the scene to ensure it contributes to the overall narrative arc.
  • Refine the dialogue to make it more authentic and reflective of the characters' personalities.
  • Add emotional depth by delving into the underlying reasons for Wonka's insecurities and Charlie's insights about family.
  • Smooth out the transition between the different beats of the scene to create a more cohesive flow.
  • Consider expanding on the exploration of Wonka's relationship with his father to add depth and complexity to his character.



Scene 41 -  Return to Wonka's Childhood Home
142 EXT. A GIANT FIELD - DAY 142

Charlie and Wonka walk away from the glass elevator, which is
parked in the middle of a vast meadow. They walk up to the
only building in sight, a

NARROW ROW HOUSE

that looks absurd by itself, three stacked stories attached
to nothing. It’s the house little Willy grew up in, moved
out to the middle of nowhere.


143 EXT. THE ROW HOUSE - DAY 143

Charlie RINGS the bell. Wonka is suddenly very nervous.




(CONTINUED)
114.
143 CONTINUED: 143


WONKA
Maybe we’ve got the wrong house.

But the sign reads: DR. WILBUR WONKA, D.D.S.

The door opens, revealing a very old man -- almost the age of
Grandpa Joe. It’s Dr. Wonka, thirty years older. He’s
carrying a crossword puzzle, and wearing his reading glasses.
He squints.

DR. WONKA
Do you have an appointment?

CHARLIE
No. But he’s overdue.


144 INT. DENTIST’S OFFICE - DAY 144

With a THUMP, the dentist’s chair reclines. Wonka stares up
into the bright work lamp as his father leans over him.
Charlie stands nearby.

DR. WONKA
Open!

Wonka reluctantly opens his mouth. With his very shaky
hands, Dr. Wonka pokes around inside with picks and mirrors.

DR. WONKA (CONT’D)
Heavens, I haven’t seen bicuspids
like this since...

Suddenly, it dawns on him:

DR. WONKA (CONT’D)
Willy?

Wonka can barely talk with the instruments in his mouth.
Garbles:

WONKA
Hi, Dad.

DR. WONKA
All these years. You haven’t
flossed.

WONKA
Not once.

The men embrace. Charlie smiles.


(CONTINUED)
115.
144 CONTINUED: 144


NARRATOR (V.O.)
It was on this day that Willy Wonka
repeated his offer to Charlie, who
accepted on one condition.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Fantasy","Family","Comedy"]

Summary Charlie and Wonka visit Wonka's childhood home, a narrow row house in the middle of a field. Wonka is nervous about seeing his elderly father, Dr. Wonka, who initially doesn't recognize them. Charlie reminds him that he's overdue for a dental checkup, and Dr. Wonka realizes it's his son, Willy. They embrace, and Wonka repeats his offer to Charlie, who accepts on one condition.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Heartfelt reunion
Weaknesses
  • Lack of external conflict
  • Limited action

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is emotionally resonant, well-paced, and provides a satisfying resolution to the relationship between Willy Wonka and his father.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of reuniting with a long-lost family member adds depth to the story and reveals more about Willy Wonka's character.

Plot: 8

The plot advances through the emotional connection between Willy Wonka and his father, adding layers to the characters and their motivations.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the classic father-son reunion trope by incorporating elements of fantasy and humor. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters, especially Willy Wonka and Dr. Wilbur Wonka, are well-developed and their interactions are engaging and heartfelt.

Character Changes: 8

Both Willy Wonka and Dr. Wilbur Wonka experience growth and reconciliation in their relationship, leading to a meaningful character change.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to reconnect with his estranged father and mend their relationship. This reflects his deeper need for family connection and acceptance.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to convince his father to join him on a new adventure. This reflects the immediate challenge of convincing his father to leave his routine and embrace something new.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 5

The conflict in the scene is more internal and emotional, focusing on the relationship between Willy Wonka and his father.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in this scene is strong enough to create conflict and uncertainty, adding depth to the characters' interactions.

High Stakes: 4

The stakes are more personal and emotional in this scene, focusing on the relationship dynamics between family members.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by resolving the emotional arc between Willy Wonka and his father, setting the stage for the conclusion of the story.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected reunion between the protagonist and his father, adding a layer of tension and emotion.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the importance of family and personal growth. The protagonist's belief in the value of family connections clashes with his father's reluctance to change.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact due to the reunion between Willy Wonka and his father, evoking feelings of nostalgia and warmth.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is meaningful and reveals the emotional depth of the characters, particularly in the reunion scene between Willy Wonka and his father.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the emotional depth of the characters and the humor woven throughout.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotion, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the characters' journey.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of this scene adheres to the expected format for its genre, making it easy to follow and engaging.

Structure: 8

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, effectively building tension and emotion.


Critique
  • The transition from the glass elevator in the meadow to the row house is a bit abrupt and could be smoother to maintain the flow of the scene.
  • The nervousness displayed by Wonka when ringing the bell at the row house could be further emphasized to add tension and intrigue to the moment.
  • The interaction between Dr. Wonka and Willy Wonka could be more emotionally charged to highlight the reunion between father and son.
  • The dialogue between Dr. Wonka and Willy Wonka could be more impactful and revealing of their relationship dynamics.
  • The acceptance of the offer by Charlie with a condition could be built up more to create a sense of anticipation and significance.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief transition scene between the glass elevator in the meadow and the row house to provide context and smooth out the shift in location.
  • Enhance the nervousness of Wonka by adding physical cues like fidgeting or sweating to convey his apprehension about visiting his childhood home.
  • Amplify the emotional intensity of the reunion between Dr. Wonka and Willy Wonka by incorporating gestures or expressions that reflect their long-lost connection.
  • Revise the dialogue between Dr. Wonka and Willy Wonka to delve deeper into their past and present relationship dynamics, adding layers to their interaction.
  • Build up the moment of Charlie accepting the offer with a condition by creating suspense and significance around his decision, making it a pivotal point in the scene.



Scene 42 -  Dinner at the Bucket's House
145 INT. THE LITTLE HOUSE - DUSK 145

Charlie and Wonka come in through the front door, shaking the
snow off their jackets. The whole family is there, getting
ready for dinner.

CHARLIE
Sorry we’re late. We were
brainstorming.

GRANDPA GEORGE
Thought I heard thunder.

MOTHER
Willy, are you staying for dinner?

WONKA
Yes, please!

GRANDPA JOE
I’ll shuffle the plates.

Grandpa Joe squeezes in an extra setting at the table. It’s
very crowded, but everyone manages to fit. Wonka takes a
seat next to Grandma Georgina.

GRANDMA GEORGINA
You smell like peanuts! I love
peanuts!

She hugs him. For the first time, he doesn’t flinch at being
touched.

WONKA
You smell like old people. And
soap!

GRANDMA JOSEPHINE
Charlie, elbows off the table.

He does as he’s told.
116.




A146 EXT. THE LITTLE HOUSE - DUSK [CONTINUOUS] A146

As a gentle snow falls, we look in through the window to find
the whole Bucket family -- including the grandparents --
crowded around the kitchen table for a feast. Willy Wonka
fits perfectly.

WONKA
(to Charlie)
How do you feel about raspberry
kites?

CHARLIE
With licorice instead of string!

FATHER
Boys, no business at the dinner
table.

CHARLIE
Sorry, Dad.

WONKA
(low; to Charlie)
You’re on to something, though.

As we PULL OUT through the window, we start to get a better
view of the entire house.



NARRATOR (V.O.)
In the end, Charlie Bucket won a
chocolate factory. But Willy Wonka
got something even better: a
family.

It’s not until we get quite wide that we see the house is no
longer sitting in front of the factory -- it’s now inside it.
It sits on the banks of the chocolate river.

The snow is simply powdered sugar falling from a massive
shaker overhead. CHOCOLATE EASTER BUNNIES hop through the
drifts, leaving tracks.

Still in the same PULL BACK, we reveal our NARRATOR, who is
in fact an Oompa-Loompa. (It’s the first time we’ve heard
one talk.)




(CONTINUED)
117.
A146 CONTINUED: A146


OOMPA-NARRATOR
One thing was absolutely certain: life
had never been sweeter.

The Oompa-Narrator bows and takes his exit.

FADE OUT.



THE END
Genres: ["Fantasy","Family","Adventure"]

Summary Charlie and Wonka arrive at the Bucket's home for dinner after brainstorming ideas. The family welcomes them warmly, and Wonka engages in playful conversation with Grandma Georgina. The scene ends with the Bucket's house being transported into Wonka's factory.
Strengths
  • Emotional resonance
  • Heartwarming reunion
  • Authentic character interactions
Weaknesses
  • Minimal conflict
  • Predictable resolution

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly engaging, emotionally resonant, and ties up the story in a satisfying manner.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of Willy Wonka finding a family and the integration of the chocolate factory into their lives is innovative and heartwarming.

Plot: 9

The plot of the scene focuses on the reunion of Willy Wonka and the Bucket family, providing closure and a sense of fulfillment.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh and imaginative take on the traditional family dinner setting by incorporating fantastical elements and quirky character interactions. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters, especially Willy Wonka and the Bucket family, are well-developed and their interactions are authentic and touching.

Character Changes: 7

Willy Wonka experiences a significant change in his attitude towards family and belonging, leading to a heartwarming reunion.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to feel accepted and comfortable in a family setting, as evidenced by his interaction with Grandma Georgina. This reflects his deeper desire for connection and belonging.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to enjoy a family dinner and bond with Charlie and his family. This reflects the immediate challenge of fitting in and building relationships.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 4

There is minimal conflict in the scene, as it focuses more on resolution and emotional connection.

Opposition: 6

The opposition in the scene is mild, with minor conflicts and challenges that add tension but do not pose significant obstacles to the characters.

High Stakes: 3

The stakes are relatively low in this scene, focusing more on emotional resolution than intense conflict.

Story Forward: 8

The scene wraps up the story by bringing closure to Willy Wonka's character arc and the integration of the Bucket family into his life.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected interactions between characters and the introduction of fantastical elements, keeping the audience intrigued.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the idea of acceptance and understanding. Willy Wonka's eccentricity clashes with the traditional family values, highlighting the tension between individuality and conformity.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions of joy, warmth, and contentment, leaving a lasting impact on the audience.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is charming and reflects the whimsical nature of the scene, enhancing the emotional impact.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its blend of humor, heartwarming moments, and fantastical elements, keeping the audience interested and invested in the characters.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by balancing dialogue, action, and description, keeping the story moving at a steady pace.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with proper scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear character interactions, setting descriptions, and dialogue.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear resolution to the conflict between Wonka's desire to find an heir and Charlie's refusal to leave his family.
  • The dialogue feels a bit rushed and could benefit from more depth and emotional exploration, especially given the significant decision Charlie makes.
  • The transition from the previous scene to this one could be smoother to provide better continuity and flow.
  • The visual elements could be enhanced to create a more vivid and engaging picture of the family dinner scene.
  • The emotional impact of Wonka finding a family could be further emphasized to resonate with the audience.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment of reflection or conversation between Wonka and Charlie to delve deeper into their emotions and motivations.
  • Provide a clearer resolution to the conflict by showing how Wonka and Charlie come to terms with their differing desires.
  • Enhance the visual descriptions to create a more immersive and detailed setting for the family dinner scene.
  • Work on the pacing of the dialogue to allow for more natural and meaningful interactions between the characters.
  • Consider adding a final moment of connection or understanding between Wonka and the Bucket family to solidify the theme of family and belonging.