Read It with its analysis


See Full Analysis here



Scene 1 -  Bravery in the Storm
IT


Written
by
Chase Palmer & CJ Fukunaga


Based on the novel
by
Stephen King



Current revisions by
Gary Dauberman




03.11.16
ii.




I'm every nightmare you ever had! I am your worst dream come true!
I'm everything you ever were afraid of!
OPEN ON:

Rain. Lashing a windowpane. A PIANO PLAYS somewhere off
screen. Charles Ive’s Sonata No 2 for Piano.


INT. BILL’S BEDROOM - DAY

A little boy gazes out into the storm. Nervous, eager, sweet.
GEORGIE DENBROUGH (7).

GEORGE
Sure I won’t get in trouble, Bill?

BILL (13), his brother, sits up in bed, surrounded by tissues
and sheets of newspaper. Finishing creases on a PAPER BOAT.

BILL
Don’t be a wuss. I’d come with you
if I weren’t (cough) dying.

GEORGE
You’re not dying.

BILL
You didn’t see the vomit coming out
of my nose this morning.

He throws a Kleenex at Georgie.

BILL (CONT’D)
Now g-g-go on, get the wax.

GEORGE
In the cellar?

BILL
You want it to float don’t you?

Georgie. Hesitant. Scared, even. Resigned, he looks over at
the WALKIE TALKIES laying on the shelf. Grabs one and goes.

CUT TO:
TITLE CARD:



OCTOBER 1988
Genres: ["Horror","Drama"]

Summary On a stormy day, seven-year-old Georgie Denbrough hesitates to go outside for wax to help his sick brother Bill with a paper boat. Despite his fears, Bill's playful teasing encourages Georgie to overcome his anxiety. The scene captures their brotherly bond amidst the tension of the storm, ending with Georgie determinedly grabbing a walkie-talkie and heading to the cellar.
Strengths
  • Atmospheric setting
  • Strong character dynamics
  • Emotional depth
Weaknesses
  • Lack of clarity in plot progression
  • Limited external conflict

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively establishes the tone and setting of the story, creating a sense of unease and curiosity. The dialogue between the brothers feels natural and adds depth to their relationship. However, there could be more clarity in the character motivations and the overall purpose of the scene.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a young boy venturing into a stormy cellar to retrieve wax for a paper boat is intriguing and sets up potential conflicts and themes for the story. The scene introduces elements of fear, nostalgia, and brotherly love, laying the groundwork for future developments.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene revolves around Georgie's journey to the cellar, which serves as a catalyst for future events in the story. It establishes the relationship between the brothers and hints at the supernatural elements to come. However, there could be more clarity in terms of the overall story progression.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the theme of childhood fears and courage, with authentic character interactions and dialogue that feel genuine and relatable. The use of the stormy setting and the paper boat adds a unique twist to the familiar trope of facing one's fears.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters of Bill and Georgie are well-defined through their dialogue and actions. Bill's protective nature and Georgie's innocence are effectively portrayed, setting up their individual arcs. The scene also hints at deeper layers to their characters, adding complexity.

Character Changes: 7

While there are subtle shifts in Georgie's bravery and Bill's protective instincts, the scene primarily focuses on establishing their initial traits. The potential for character growth and change is hinted at but not fully realized in this moment.

Internal Goal: 8

Georgie's internal goal in this scene is to overcome his fear and hesitation to go to the cellar alone. This reflects his deeper need for independence and bravery, as well as his desire to please his older brother, Bill.

External Goal: 7

Georgie's external goal is to retrieve wax from the cellar to make his paper boat float. This reflects the immediate challenge he is facing in the scene, which is to overcome his fear of the cellar and complete the task.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, as Georgie grapples with his fear of the cellar and the storm. There is also an underlying tension related to Bill's illness, adding emotional stakes to the situation. However, the external conflict is minimal at this point.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create a sense of danger and uncertainty, as Georgie faces his fear of the cellar and the unknown dangers that may await him. The audience is left wondering how he will overcome this obstacle.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes in the scene are relatively high on an emotional level, as Georgie faces his fears and Bill grapples with his illness. The potential dangers of the storm and the unknown cellar add a sense of urgency and risk to the situation.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing key characters, themes, and conflicts. It sets up future events and hints at the supernatural elements to come. However, there could be more clarity in terms of the overall narrative progression.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it keeps the audience guessing about Georgie's fate and the outcome of his journey to the cellar. The tension and suspense are heightened by the unknown dangers lurking in the shadows.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the theme of facing one's fears and the idea of courage in the face of danger. This challenges Georgie's beliefs about his own bravery and resilience, as well as his worldview about the importance of family and loyalty.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene evokes a sense of unease and tension, drawing the audience into the characters' emotions. Georgie's fear and Bill's illness create a poignant atmosphere, while the brotherly bond adds a layer of warmth and nostalgia. The emotional impact is significant in setting the tone for the story.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue between Bill and Georgie feels authentic and reveals aspects of their personalities. It establishes their relationship dynamics and sets the tone for future interactions. However, there could be more depth and subtext in the conversations.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it combines elements of suspense, humor, and emotion, drawing the audience into the characters' world and creating a sense of anticipation and curiosity.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension gradually, allowing moments of humor and warmth to balance the suspense. The rhythm of the dialogue and action keeps the audience engaged and invested in the characters' journey.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting. The descriptions are vivid and engaging, enhancing the visual storytelling.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected format for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm are well-executed, building tension and suspense effectively.


Critique
  • The opening with the storm sets a strong atmospheric tone, effectively foreshadowing the impending horror. However, the transition from the storm to the dialogue could be smoother. Consider incorporating more sensory details about the storm to enhance the mood and tension.
  • Georgie's character is established well through his nervousness and eagerness, but his dialogue feels a bit too simplistic for a seven-year-old. Adding more childlike curiosity or imaginative thoughts could make him more relatable and engaging.
  • Bill's character comes across as caring yet playful, which is effective. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext. Instead of directly stating he is 'dying,' consider using more playful banter that hints at his illness without being so explicit, which could add depth to their relationship.
  • The use of the walkie-talkie as a plot device is clever, but it could be introduced earlier in the scene to create a stronger connection between the brothers. Perhaps Georgie could express a desire to use it to communicate with Bill while he’s outside, reinforcing their bond.
  • The scene ends abruptly after Georgie grabs the walkie-talkie. A more gradual transition to the next scene could enhance the emotional weight of Georgie's decision to go into the cellar. Consider adding a moment of hesitation or a final exchange between the brothers that emphasizes their bond before Georgie leaves.
Suggestions
  • Enhance the atmospheric description of the storm to create a more immersive experience for the reader. Use vivid imagery and sensory details to evoke the feeling of dread.
  • Revise Georgie's dialogue to reflect a more nuanced child perspective, perhaps by incorporating imaginative thoughts or fears about the storm or the cellar.
  • Add subtext to Bill's dialogue to convey his illness without being overt. This could create a more layered interaction between the brothers.
  • Introduce the walkie-talkie earlier in the scene to establish its significance and strengthen the emotional connection between Georgie and Bill.
  • Consider adding a moment of emotional resonance at the end of the scene, such as a poignant exchange or a visual cue that highlights Georgie's internal conflict about going into the cellar.



Scene 2 -  Facing Fears
INT. BILL’S HOUSE - DAY

Georgie hurries downstairs, catching a glimpse of their
mother SHARON DENBROUGH (30s) in the parlor playing piano, an
earthy beauty transported to another world while she plays.


INT. KITCHEN - BILL’S HOUSE - DAY

George’s stomach sinks as he comes face to face with THE
CELLAR DOOR -- the only thing between George and the monster
in the basement of his imagination.


INT. CELLAR DOORWAY - CONTINUOUS

Flinging the door open, George ventures his arm into the DARK
VOID. He gropes around and finds the LIGHT SWITCH. Nothing.
George snatches his arm back. The dark basement glares back
at him, taunting. One... Two...

Walkie CRACKLES. Georgie jumps, startled.

BILL
(over walkie)
C’mon! H-Hurry up!

Recovering, Georgie scrambles down the steps to THE CELLAR
SHELF. Sifts through junk as fast as he can: a BROKEN
FLASHLIGHT, TURTLE WAX, a bag of colored BALLOONS.

He grabs the BOX OF PARAFFIN near the back of the shelf, and
hurries back up the stairs as we quickly track towards him,
about to pounce. The door slams in our face.


INT. BILL’S BEDROOM - DAY

Bill melts a chunk of paraffin with a match in a ceramic
bowl, then dips his finger into the hot liquid and smears the
wax along the sides of the boat.

BILL
There you go. She’s all ready,
Captain.

They both grin, the cozy room full of cheerful brotherly
love. George kisses Bill on the cheek, startling him.

GEORGIE
Thanks, Billy.


BILL
D-Don’t forget to put on all your
rain stuff before you go out or
mom’ll blow a circuit.

He goes. Bill looks to the rain-lashed window, piano still
playing. He’s suddenly filled with a sense of foreboding.


EXT. BILL DENBROUGH’S HOUSE - DAY

Holding his boat, George exits through the Front Door. Once
more, the Walkie in his Slicker’s Pocket CRACKLES to life --

WILL
(through Walkie)
Be careful.

George stops and looks up at his Brother in the window
looking down on him. Georgie gives a little wave.
Genres: ["Drama","Horror"]

Summary In this scene, Georgie Denbrough confronts his fear of the dark cellar while his mother, Sharon, plays the piano upstairs. After a moment of hesitation, he bravely opens the cellar door but retreats in fear when he can't find the light switch. A crackling walkie-talkie prompts him to search for a box of paraffin, which he retrieves and brings back to his brother Bill, who is preparing a boat. They share a moment of brotherly affection before Georgie heads outside, receiving a warning from Bill and a final wave.
Strengths
  • Effective tension-building
  • Strong character dynamics
  • Compelling setting
Weaknesses
  • Some cliched elements
  • Predictable outcome

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively establishes the setting, characters, and tone while advancing the plot. The mix of emotions and the looming threat of the cellar door create a compelling atmosphere.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of a young boy facing his fears in order to help his brother is compelling and sets up the central conflict of the story. The scene effectively introduces key elements that will drive the narrative forward.

Plot: 8

The plot is advanced through the introduction of the cellar and the task Georgie must complete to help his brother. The scene sets up future conflicts and establishes the relationship between the characters.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the theme of childhood fears and bravery, blending elements of horror and family dynamics in a unique way. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters of Bill and Georgie are well-developed in this scene, with their brotherly bond and individual personalities shining through. Their interactions add depth to the story and set up future character arcs.

Character Changes: 8

Georgie undergoes a subtle change in this scene as he faces his fear of the cellar and takes a step towards helping his brother. This sets up potential growth for his character in future scenes.

Internal Goal: 8

Georgie's internal goal in this scene is to confront his fear of the monster in the basement and prove his bravery to his older brother, Bill. This reflects his deeper need for validation and acceptance from his family.

External Goal: 7

Georgie's external goal is to retrieve the box of paraffin from the cellar shelf for his brother's boat project. This reflects the immediate challenge he is facing in overcoming his fear of the dark basement.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, as Georgie must overcome his fear of the cellar to help his brother. The looming threat of the cellar door adds tension and drives the scene forward.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Georgie facing the challenge of confronting his fear of the monster in the basement and proving his bravery to his brother. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of the outcome.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high for Georgie as he confronts his fear of the cellar to help his brother. The looming threat of the cellar door adds tension and raises the stakes for the characters.

Story Forward: 9

The scene effectively moves the story forward by introducing key elements, setting up conflicts, and establishing the relationships between the characters. It propels the narrative towards future developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it keeps the audience guessing about the outcome of Georgie's encounter with the monster in the basement, creating tension and suspense.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the struggle between childhood innocence and the harsh realities of growing up. Georgie's confrontation with the monster in the basement symbolizes the loss of innocence and the transition into adulthood.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene has a strong emotional impact, balancing moments of warmth and love with underlying anxiety and fear. The audience is drawn into the characters' emotions and the tension of the situation.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue effectively conveys the emotions and relationships between the characters. It is natural and helps to establish the tone of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it combines elements of suspense, emotion, and character development to keep the audience invested in Georgie's journey and the outcome of his confrontation with the monster in the basement.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, with a balance of action and character moments that keep the audience engaged and invested in Georgie's journey.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings and dialogue formatting that enhances readability and flow.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, effectively building tension and suspense while developing the characters' motivations and goals.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension and captures the innocence of childhood through Georgie's interactions with his brother Bill. The contrast between the storm outside and the warmth of the brothers' relationship is well established, creating a sense of foreboding that enhances the horror elements of the story.
  • The use of sensory details, such as the rain lashing against the window and the sound of the walkie-talkie crackling, immerses the audience in Georgie's experience. However, the scene could benefit from more vivid descriptions of the cellar's darkness to heighten the sense of fear and anticipation.
  • The dialogue between Georgie and Bill is natural and reflects their brotherly bond, but it could be enhanced by incorporating more subtext. For example, Bill's encouragement could hint at his own fears or insecurities, adding depth to his character and making the audience more invested in their relationship.
  • The pacing of the scene is generally good, but the transition from the cellar to Bill's bedroom feels abrupt. A smoother transition could help maintain the tension and emotional weight as Georgie retrieves the paraffin and returns to Bill.
  • The final moment where Georgie waves to Bill is touching, but it could be more impactful if it included a visual cue that foreshadows the impending danger. For instance, a fleeting shadow or a sudden gust of wind could serve as a subtle reminder of the lurking threat.
Suggestions
  • Enhance the descriptions of the cellar to evoke a stronger sense of dread. Consider using metaphors or similes that relate to Georgie's fears to make the darkness feel more oppressive.
  • Add layers to the dialogue by incorporating subtext that reveals more about Bill's character and his own fears regarding Georgie's safety. This could create a more complex dynamic between the brothers.
  • Consider adding a moment of hesitation or a physical reaction from Georgie when he first approaches the cellar door to emphasize his fear and internal conflict.
  • Smooth out the transition between the cellar and Bill's bedroom by including a brief moment of reflection for Georgie as he processes his fear before returning to his brother, which could deepen the emotional impact.
  • Incorporate a visual or auditory cue that hints at the danger lurking in the basement, such as a shadow passing by or an unsettling noise, to foreshadow the horror that is to come.



Scene 3 -  The Lure of Darkness
EXT. WITCHAM STREET - LATER

A DEAD TRAFFIC LIGHT sways overhead, its black lenses gazing
back at A BOY IN A YELLOW SLICKER AND RED GALOSHES.

George races down the street past dark houses after his PAPER
BOAT, which sluices along a gutter swollen with rushing
rainwater toward the intersection.

Angle on the dripping street signs: WITCHAM & JACKSON.

Rain taps on George’s hood sounding to his ears like rain on
a shed roof, a comforting almost cozy sound. The buckles of
his galoshes make a merry jingle as he goes.

The boat whistles past a blockade of sawhorses marked DEPT OF
DERRY PUBLIC WORKS. Georgie ducks under one to keep up with
his boat. Continues to run, head down until --

SMACK! He runs right into one of those sawhorses, cutting off
his path. Georgie falls back while the Boat sails on.

GEORGE
No!

George gets back to his feet. Chases after his paper boat,
reaching it just as it surfs up to the drain, circles around
twice, and is swallowed up. George looks ready to cry.

GEORGE (CONT’D)
Oh, Bill’s gonna kill me.


He peers into the storm drain, water falling into darkness.
A dank hollow sound comes from within, the boat kicking in
and out of the shadows.

George snakes his arm through the grate, reaching for the
boat, his nose pressed against the curb. Just as he’s about
to get it a face appears.

A GREASY WHITE FACE

George recoils from the storm drain, spooked. That’s when a
VOICE, a sad voice, rises up.

PENNYWISE
This your boat?

George looks around, hoping someone else is around to hear
this. It’s just him and the torrential rain. An OLD WOMAN
watches from the window of a house behind the storm drain.

CUT TO:

POV from the OLD WOMAN’s house. She turns her attention back
to her cat, scraping out the wet innards of a can of tuna
into a plate on the window sill. It meows.

BACK TO GEORGIE:

PENNYWISE (CONT’D)
It’s a nice boat. Floats.

George looks back at the drain. Deep inside there, lingering
just on the edge of the shadows...

IS A CLOWN

Not Bozo, or Ronald McDonald, but something more old world,
freakish, like that of a 19th-century acrobat -- bald, lithe,
almost child-like. PENNYWISE.

GEORGE
Why are you in the sewer?

PENNYWISE
Oh, the circus said not to say.

GEORGE
How come?

PENNYWISE
They don’t let me in on that stuff.
I just do my tricks for the kids.
You look like a nice boy. I’ll bet
you have a lot of friends.


GEORGE
Three. But my brother is my best
best...

George glances at the paper boat, now kicking between
Pennywise’s gnarly white feet. Pennywise picks up the boat.

PENNYWISE
Your best best. Is this his boat?

GEORGE
He made it for me.

A big grin swells across Pennywise’s face.

PENNYWISE
That’s a good brother. Where is he?

GEORGE
In bed. Sick.

PENNYWISE
Let me cheer him up. I’ll bring you
both to the circus.

GEORGE
He won’t want to go.

PENNYWISE
Why not? There’s cotton candy and
bearded women and all the balloons
your brother could want.

GEORGE
He’s 13. He thinks balloons are
dumb. And clowns are dumb.

Pennywise’s face turns, a dawning awareness.

PENNYWISE
Well you don’t do you?

George shrugs.

PENNYWISE (CONT’D)
I’ll take just you then.

GEORGE
I don’t know. I’m not supposed to
talk to strangers.


PENNYWISE
Smart parents, smart parents. Well
I’m Bob Gray. Pennywise to my
friends. What do they call you?

GEORGE
G-Georgie.

PENNYWISE
Georgie. Now we aren’t strangers,
are we?

George shrugs, still not convinced.

PENNYWISE (CONT’D)
I promise I’ll have you back in
time for dinner. Give me your hand,
we’ll shake on it.

GEORGE
You’re still a stranger. I don’t
want to talk to you.

PENNYWISE
Okay, shake and give me the silent
treatment. Zip your lip up and
shake --

With his left hand Pennywise pretends to zip his own lip
while offering his right through the sewer drain.

PENNYWISE (CONT’D)
-- and I’ll give you back your
boat.

Pennywise holds Georgie’s boat out of the drain with his
right hand. Georgie reaches out both hands, his left to
receive his boat and his right for a handshake to signal
their friendship. He gets ever closer when --

Pennywise lunges. Grabs Georgie’s hand. Jerks him down and
toward the sewer, baring his mouthful of razor-like teeth.

CUT TO the OLD WOMAN’s POV again.

The cat devours its food, the old woman pleased with his
appetite. She hears a scream and looks up, dropping the food
and heading for her door as quickly as her old bones permit.

BACK ON GEORGIE

On the ground. Crawling away from the drain. A gnawed and
bloody stump where his right arm used to be seconds ago.


But at least he’s getting awa--

YANK! Georgie is pulled back into the blackness of the Storm
Drain. Screaming as loud as his little lungs can manage.

CUT TO the OLD WOMAN’S POV one last time.

As she totters from her building, staring in terrified
wonderment at the drain across the street which has swallowed
Georgie Denbrough whole --

SMASH CUT TO:

TITLE CARD:



JUNE 1989
Genres: ["Horror","Thriller"]

Summary On a rainy street, young George chases his paper boat, only to lose it to a storm drain. As he peers inside, he encounters Pennywise, a sinister clown who manipulates him with promises of a circus. Despite his initial caution, George is drawn closer, leading to a horrific confrontation where Pennywise violently pulls him into the drain, marking the end of innocence and the onset of terror.
Strengths
  • Building tension and suspense
  • Creating a sense of dread and fear
  • Introducing a compelling antagonist character
Weaknesses
  • Graphic violence may be disturbing to some viewers

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene effectively builds tension and fear through the interaction between Georgie and Pennywise, leading to a shocking and impactful climax. The introduction of the creepy clown character adds a new layer of horror to the story, keeping the audience engaged and on edge.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of introducing a terrifying clown character like Pennywise to lure a young boy into a dangerous situation is innovative and adds a new layer of horror to the story. The scene effectively explores themes of fear, trust, and the unknown, setting up a major conflict that will drive the narrative forward.

Plot: 9

The plot of the scene is crucial in setting up the central conflict of the story, as Georgie's encounter with Pennywise in the sewer establishes the danger lurking in the town. The scene moves the story forward by introducing a key antagonist and raising the stakes for the characters, setting the stage for the events to come.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the concept of a clown in a horror setting, with unique character interactions and a sense of unpredictability.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Georgie and Pennywise are well-developed in this scene, with Georgie's innocence and vulnerability contrasting with Pennywise's menacing and manipulative nature. The interaction between the two characters reveals important aspects of their personalities and sets up a dynamic that will drive the narrative forward.

Character Changes: 9

Georgie undergoes a significant change in this scene, transitioning from a curious and innocent boy to a traumatized and fearful victim of Pennywise's manipulation. The encounter with Pennywise marks a turning point in Georgie's character arc, setting him on a path of fear and survival.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to retrieve his paper boat and avoid getting in trouble with his brother. This reflects his desire for approval and fear of disappointing his brother.

External Goal: 9

The protagonist's external goal is to retrieve his paper boat from the storm drain. This reflects the immediate challenge he faces in the scene.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9.5

The level of conflict in the scene is high, as Georgie's encounter with Pennywise in the sewer escalates from a seemingly innocent interaction to a terrifying and life-threatening situation. The conflict between the characters drives the tension and suspense of the scene, keeping the audience on edge.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing a dangerous and unpredictable situation with Pennywise.

High Stakes: 10

The stakes in the scene are high, as Georgie's encounter with Pennywise in the sewer puts his life in danger and sets the tone for the dangers lurking in the town. The shocking outcome of the scene raises the stakes for the characters and sets a dark and ominous tone for the story.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by introducing a key antagonist, Pennywise, and raising the stakes for the characters. Georgie's encounter with Pennywise sets up a major conflict that will drive the narrative forward, leading to further developments and challenges for the protagonists.

Unpredictability: 9

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected turn of events with the character of Pennywise and the shocking outcome for the protagonist.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the idea of trust and stranger danger. It challenges the protagonist's beliefs about talking to strangers and the consequences of doing so.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9.5

The scene has a high emotional impact, as the shocking and gruesome outcome of Georgie's encounter with Pennywise elicits fear, dread, and anxiety in the audience. The emotional intensity of the scene keeps the audience engaged and invested in the story, setting a dark and ominous tone for the narrative.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the tension and unease between Georgie and Pennywise, with Pennywise's manipulative and sinister tone contrasting with Georgie's innocence and fear. The dialogue drives the interaction between the characters and adds depth to their relationship.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the suspenseful build-up, eerie dialogue, and shocking twist at the end.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension gradually and leading to a climactic moment.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene follows the expected formatting for a horror screenplay, with clear scene descriptions and character actions.

Structure: 9

The scene follows a structured format for a horror genre, with a gradual build-up of tension and a shocking climax.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes a sense of foreboding and tension through its atmospheric description of the storm and Georgie's innocent pursuit of the paper boat. However, the transition from the playful chase to the encounter with Pennywise could be smoother. The shift in tone feels abrupt, and a more gradual build-up to the horror could enhance the impact.
  • Georgie's character is well-defined as a brave yet vulnerable child, and his dialogue captures the innocence of youth. However, the dialogue with Pennywise could benefit from more subtext. While it is clear that Pennywise is manipulative, adding layers to his charm could make the interaction more unsettling and engaging.
  • The visual elements are strong, particularly the imagery of the storm drain and the contrast between Georgie's bright slicker and the dark, ominous surroundings. However, the description of Pennywise could be more vivid. Instead of just stating he is 'not Bozo or Ronald McDonald,' consider incorporating more sensory details that evoke fear and discomfort.
  • The pacing of the scene is generally effective, but the climax where Pennywise reveals his true nature could be more suspenseful. Building tension through Georgie's internal conflict and hesitation before he reaches for the boat would heighten the stakes and make the eventual attack more shocking.
  • The old woman observing from her window adds an interesting layer to the scene, but her presence could be utilized more effectively. Perhaps her reaction to the encounter could foreshadow the horror or serve as a commentary on the indifference of adults to the dangers children face.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more internal monologue for Georgie as he approaches the storm drain, reflecting his fears and doubts. This will deepen the audience's connection to his character and heighten the tension.
  • Enhance Pennywise's dialogue to include more sinister undertones. Instead of just being charming, he could drop hints of his true nature, making the audience question his intentions even more.
  • Incorporate more sensory details when describing Pennywise's appearance and demeanor. Focus on how he moves, the sound of his voice, and the unsettling nature of his smile to create a more vivid and terrifying image.
  • Slow down the pacing leading up to the climax. Allow Georgie to hesitate longer before reaching for the boat, building suspense and making the moment of his attack more impactful.
  • Utilize the old woman's perspective more effectively by having her react in a way that highlights the horror of the situation. Perhaps she could call out to Georgie or show signs of concern that go unheeded, emphasizing the theme of adult indifference.



Scene 4 -  The Weight of Tradition
EXT. DERRY - AERIAL - DAY

In the distance, settled on a crosscut of the Penobscot River
and Kenduskaeg Stream rests the TOWN OF DERRY, MAINE.

TILT STRAIGHT DOWN to HANLON ABBATOIR

SEVERAL multi-acre, manure filled sheep pens stand empty. One
has 50 sheep ready for slaughter, a path leading from the pen
grows narrower as it feeds into an industrial complex
designed for slaughter.

CUT TO:

A SHEEP. Big and bleating. Looking right at us.

STUNBOLT GUN enters frame. Inches from the Sheep’s glabella.
Also known as ‘that space between your eyes.’

It’s held there. For a squirm-in-your-seat amount of time.

VOICE (O.S.)
Pull it, son.

That’s LEROY HANLON (60s). He looks much older though.
Working every day of your life will do that to you. And he’s
the Hanlon in --

HANLON ABBATOIR

It’s his grandson MIKE (13) that holds the Stunbolt Gun.
Leroy describes Mike as ‘soft’. Because of reasons like this:


VOICE/LEROY
Go on now. Pull it.

Mike’s hand shakes. Nerves getting to him.

MIKE
I don’t want to do this.

LEROY
People need to eat.

MIKE
But how would you feel? Raised for
food...

LEROY
Like I’d want you to get it over
with is how I’d feel... Remember
what I told you? You gotta do this
quick. If the animal senses what
you’re about to do, if it starts to
fear you, adrenaline courses
through its body and changes the
taste and the meat winds up tough.

He snatches the Stunbolt away from Mike. And without a
moments hesitation he squeezes the trigger and --

Whompf! The Sheep falls. Mike stares at its bleeding-out
carcass as Leroy hangs the Stunbolt.

LEROY (CONT’D)
You need to start taking more
responsibility around here, Mike.
Your Dad was younger than you when
he took this over...

MIKE
But what if I can’t? What if I
don’t want to do this, be here...

LEROY
Look at me. Let me tell you about
being here. ‘Cuz you need to
understand something. There are two
places you can be in this world.
You can be out here, like us. Or
you can be in there, like them...

Leroy points to the other Sheep. Lined up and waiting in the
Slaughter Pen for their turn with the Stunbolt.


LEROY (CONT’D)
And if you waste too much time
hemming and hawing, that choice is
gonna be made for you. ‘Cept you
won’t know it til you feel the bolt
blast right between your eyes...
Genres: ["Horror","Drama"]

Summary In a tense scene at the Hanlon Abattoir in Derry, Maine, Leroy Hanlon urges his hesitant grandson Mike to use a Stunbolt Gun on a sheep, emphasizing the importance of swift action to maintain meat quality. Mike struggles with the moral implications of slaughtering animals and questions his future in the family business. Ultimately, Leroy takes the gun from Mike and kills the sheep himself, highlighting the harsh realities of their lives and the generational divide in their perspectives. The scene concludes with Leroy pointing out the lined-up sheep, reinforcing the inevitability of their fate.
Strengths
  • Effective tone and atmosphere
  • Powerful thematic exploration
  • Strong emotional impact
Weaknesses
  • Potential for disturbing content
  • Lack of resolution in the scene

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys a sense of dread and unease through its dark tone and tense atmosphere. The contrast between the sheep's innocence and the brutal act of slaughter adds depth to the narrative.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of juxtaposing innocence with brutality is powerful and thought-provoking. It adds depth to the narrative and sets up important themes for exploration.

Plot: 8

The plot progression in this scene is focused on character development and thematic exploration. It sets up important conflicts and dilemmas for the characters to face.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh approach to the familiar theme of moral conflict, offering a nuanced exploration of the protagonist's internal and external struggles. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds depth and complexity to the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters in the scene are well-developed and their conflicts and motivations are effectively portrayed. The relationship between Leroy and Mike adds emotional depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 8

Mike undergoes a significant internal change as he grapples with the harsh realities of life and death in the slaughterhouse.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to reconcile his personal beliefs and values with the expectations placed upon him by his family and society. He struggles with the moral implications of slaughtering animals for food and his own desires for a different path in life.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to successfully carry out the task of slaughtering the sheep as expected of him by his grandfather and the abbatoir. This goal reflects the immediate challenge he faces in fulfilling his responsibilities and proving himself in his family's business.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8.5

The conflict between innocence and brutality, as well as the internal conflict within Mike, adds tension and depth to the scene.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, as the protagonist faces internal and external challenges that test his beliefs and values. The conflict between his personal desires and societal expectations creates a compelling obstacle for him to overcome.

High Stakes: 9

The high stakes of life and death, as well as the moral dilemmas faced by the characters, add tension and urgency to the scene.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by setting up important themes and conflicts that will impact the characters' journeys.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the protagonist's internal conflict and the uncertain outcome of his decision regarding the sheep slaughter. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how the situation will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the ethical considerations of animal slaughter for food and the protagonist's internal struggle with his role in perpetuating this practice. It challenges his beliefs about compassion and responsibility.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions of fear, sadness, and resignation, creating a powerful impact on the audience.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the characters' emotions and conflicts. It adds depth to their relationships and motivations.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense emotional conflict, authentic character dynamics, and moral dilemmas that resonate with the audience. The tension and stakes are high, drawing the viewer into the protagonist's internal struggle.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotional depth, drawing the audience into the protagonist's moral dilemma and internal struggle. The rhythm of the dialogue and action sequences enhances the scene's impact.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene's formatting adheres to the expected format for its genre, effectively conveying the visual and emotional elements of the abbatoir setting and the characters' interactions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format that effectively builds tension and emotional depth. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the scene's effectiveness in conveying the protagonist's internal and external conflicts.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes a grim atmosphere with the setting of the Hanlon Abattoir, which serves as a stark contrast to the innocence of the previous scenes. This juxtaposition heightens the tension and foreshadows the darker themes of the story.
  • Leroy's character is well-defined through his dialogue and actions, showcasing a tough love approach to Mike. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext to deepen Leroy's character. His motivations for pushing Mike into this role could be explored further, perhaps hinting at his own regrets or fears.
  • Mike's internal conflict is clear, but the scene could delve deeper into his emotional state. The dialogue feels somewhat expository at times, particularly when Leroy explains the consequences of hesitation. This could be shown through Mike's reactions and body language rather than told outright.
  • The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension, particularly with the prolonged focus on the Stunbolt Gun. However, the transition from Leroy's instruction to the action of the gun could be more dynamic. Adding a moment of hesitation or a flashback to Mike's past could enhance the emotional weight of the moment.
  • The imagery of the sheep and the slaughterhouse is powerful, but it risks becoming overly graphic for some audiences. Consider balancing the visceral elements with moments of reflection or internal dialogue from Mike to provide a more nuanced perspective on the situation.
Suggestions
  • Incorporate more internal monologue or visual cues to express Mike's fear and reluctance, allowing the audience to connect with his emotional struggle more deeply.
  • Consider adding a moment where Mike reflects on his father's legacy or his own dreams, which could create a stronger emotional anchor for his reluctance to take on the family business.
  • Enhance Leroy's character by including a brief moment of vulnerability or a hint of his own fears about the future, which could create a more complex father-son dynamic.
  • Experiment with the pacing by interspersing Mike's hesitation with quick cuts to the sheep, emphasizing the urgency of the situation and the stakes involved.
  • Explore the sensory details of the environment more vividly, such as the sounds of the abattoir or the smell of the sheep, to immerse the audience in the scene and heighten the tension.



Scene 5 -  Summer's Start: A Clash of Confidence and Cruelty
INT. DERRY MIDDLE SCHOOL - DAY

Doors fling open and ROWDY 6TH, 7TH, and 8TH GRADERS spill
out into the halls like sheep. Books are hurled in the trash,
lockers emptied out, papers strewn all over -- summer is
officially commenced. Swept up among this madness is...

BILL DENBROUGH (13)

Handsome and gangly, a boy straight out of a Sally Mann
photo, still haunted by the memory of his little brother.

EDDIE KASPBRAK (13)

A boy abnormally small for his age, his INHALER holstered in
his medicine-filled fannypack;

RICHIE TOZIER (13)

A video game and television freak with bug-eyed glasses;

STANLEY URIS (13)

Tightly wound. Repressed. Anxious. Wears a kippah.

BILL
How’s it work?

EDDIE
They slice part of his penis off.

RICHIE
That can’t be true. He’d have
nothing left...

Eddie takes a puff off his INHALER.

STANLEY
That’s a real knee-slapper, Richie.
So funny I forgot to laugh...

RICHIE
So which is it? Knee-slapper or you
forgot to laugh?

BILL
For serious, Stan. Wh-what happens?


STANLEY
I don’t know, I read some stuff
from the Torah and make a speech
and then suddenly I become a man.

RICHIE
That sounds like a lot of work. I
became a man by banging Ed’s mom...

STANLEY
Richie. Gross.

They turn right toward the exit leading to endless summer but
we push forward through the swarms of school kids and find --

TRAVIS BOWERS (16) and his thug sidekicks: BELCH HUGGINS
(15), PATRICK HOCKSTETTLER (17) and VICTOR CRISS (15) -- one
a lunkhead oaf, another a perpetually giggly fire-starting
sociopath, and the last one a scrap and scab junk yard dog
type. They nudge each other to look over at --

BEVERLY MARSH (13). Tossing a cloud of auburn hair away from
her wary green-gray eyes. Proud but not conceited, she’s the
envy and natural enemy to all popular girls.

Speaking of which --

A group of PRETTY POPULAR GIRLS, some in field hockey
uniforms with pleated skirts they’ve rolled up extra short
and carrying their sticks, join Travis and the others.

The prettier leader, GRETTA (14), rolls her eyes as she sees
who has their attention...

GRETTA
If I have to see that bitch one
more time this summer...

A GIRL next to Gretta drops her backpack to her side and
fishes out a field hockey ball from its front pocket.

GIRL #1
I think I can handle this.

Tee-ing up the ball she smacks it towards Beverly’s shins.
Quick, a startled Beverly lifts one leg and the ball hits the
lockers behind her with a loud CLANG.

GIRL #1 (CONT’D)
Sure know how to spread ‘em, slut!

Peals of laughter from the group.


Beverly turns and darts down the hallways so they can’t see
the reddening of her face.

GRETTA
Run, bitch!
Genres: ["Drama","Coming-of-age","Teen"]

Summary As students at Derry Middle School rush out to celebrate the beginning of summer, Bill, Eddie, Richie, and Stanley engage in a lighthearted conversation about coming-of-age rituals. Meanwhile, Beverly becomes the target of bullying from Gretta and her popular friends, who mock her and ultimately force her to flee after a field hockey ball is thrown at her. The scene captures the chaotic excitement of summer break alongside the darker realities of social hierarchies and peer pressure.
Strengths
  • Strong character development
  • Engaging dialogue
  • High conflict level
Weaknesses
  • Negative sentiment
  • Bullying behavior

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively sets up conflict and tension through the interaction between the main characters and the popular girls, showcasing the harsh realities of teenage social dynamics. The dialogue is engaging and reveals the characters' personalities well.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring teenage social dynamics and insecurities in a school setting is well-realized, providing insight into the characters' struggles and relationships. The scene effectively conveys the challenges of adolescence.

Plot: 8

The plot progression in the scene focuses on establishing conflict and tension between the characters, setting up future developments in the story. The interaction between the main characters and the popular girls drives the narrative forward.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces fresh and authentic situations, such as the bullying incident and the characters' unique personalities, adding originality to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed, each with distinct personalities and motivations. The scene effectively showcases the dynamics between the main characters and the popular girls, highlighting their individual traits and conflicts.

Character Changes: 8

The characters experience subtle changes in their dynamics and relationships, setting the stage for future developments. The confrontational encounter with the popular girls challenges the characters' perceptions and behaviors.

Internal Goal: 8

Bill's internal goal is to understand the process of becoming a man, which reflects his desire to mature and overcome his fears.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to navigate the challenges of the last day of school and deal with bullies.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is high, with tension escalating between the main characters and the popular girls. The confrontational dialogue and bullying behavior create a sense of urgency and emotional intensity.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing bullies and societal pressures that create conflict and obstacles.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in the scene, as the characters face bullying behavior and confrontational interactions that challenge their sense of identity and belonging. The emotional impact of the scene raises the stakes for the characters.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by establishing conflict and tension between the characters, setting up future plot developments. The interaction with the popular girls introduces new challenges and obstacles for the main characters to overcome.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected bullying incident and the characters' reactions.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict is evident in the societal norms and peer pressure that the characters face, challenging their beliefs and values.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from tension and defiance to empathy and discomfort. The bullying behavior and confrontational tone contribute to the emotional impact, drawing the audience into the characters' struggles.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is engaging and reveals the characters' personalities, adding depth to the interactions. The witty exchanges and confrontational tone enhance the scene's impact and contribute to the development of the characters.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its relatable characters, witty dialogue, and tension-filled interactions.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and maintains the reader's interest through quick dialogue exchanges and action sequences.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with proper scene headings, character descriptions, and dialogue format.

Structure: 9

The scene follows the expected structure for a coming-of-age genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the chaotic energy of the last day of school, which is a relatable experience for many viewers. The imagery of students spilling out into the halls and the descriptions of their actions create a vivid atmosphere.
  • The dialogue among the boys is humorous and captures their personalities well, particularly Richie's comedic style and Stan's more serious demeanor. However, the humor could be enhanced by ensuring that each character's voice is distinct and consistent throughout the scene.
  • The introduction of Travis and his gang adds a layer of tension and foreshadows potential conflict. However, the transition from the boys' lighthearted banter to the introduction of the antagonists feels abrupt. A smoother transition could help maintain the flow of the scene.
  • Beverly's introduction is strong, but her characterization could be deepened. While she is described as proud and envious, showing her internal thoughts or feelings in this moment could create a stronger emotional connection with the audience.
  • The bullying scene is impactful, but it could benefit from more subtlety. The dialogue from Gretta and the other girls is quite overt in its cruelty. A more nuanced approach could make the bullying feel more realistic and relatable, rather than cartoonish.
  • The pacing of the scene is generally good, but it could be tightened in places. For example, some of the dialogue exchanges feel a bit drawn out and could be trimmed to maintain the momentum of the scene.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of reflection or internal dialogue for Beverly as she faces the bullying, which would help the audience empathize with her character more deeply.
  • Enhance the transition between the boys' banter and the introduction of Travis and his gang by incorporating a visual cue or a moment of silence that highlights the shift in tone.
  • Make sure each character's dialogue reflects their unique personality traits consistently throughout the scene. This will help the audience distinguish between them more easily.
  • To increase the realism of the bullying, consider using more subtle insults or actions that reflect the social dynamics of middle school, rather than overtly aggressive language.
  • Tighten the dialogue exchanges by cutting unnecessary lines or phrases that do not add to character development or the scene's overall tension.



Scene 6 -  Awkward Encounters and Bullying Tensions
EXT. EMERGENCY EXIT - DERRY HIGH SCHOOL - DAY

Pudgy BEN HASCOMB (13) lingers with his bike. He has
headphones ON, connected to a Walkman. Doesn’t hear the door
open behind him and Beverly step out. Ben blocks her way.

She taps him on the shoulder. Startled, he turns and rips off
his headphones. Like he’s embarrassed.

BEVERLY
You gonna let me go by or is there
a secret password or something?

BEN
Sorry.

He steps aside. But Beverly doesn’t move. Instead lights a
cigarette like a pro. Exhales a long stream of smoke before --

BEVERLY
“Sorry’s” not a password. Travis
and his goons are over by the west
entrance so you should be fine...

BEN
I wasn’t...

He was.

BEVERLY
What are you listening to?

She grabs his headphones before Ben gets a chance to react.
Which is a shame. Because as she puts ‘em on all we hear is --

I’ll be loving you forever... As long as you want me to be...

Ben. Red. Beverly. Surprised.

BEVERLY (CONT’D)
Wow. New Kids on the Block.

BEN
I don’t even like them. I was
just... y’know...


BEVERLY
Oh, wait. You’re the new kid,
right? Now I get it...

BEN
There’s nothing to get --

BEVERLY
It’s fine, really. I’m --

BEN
(blurting)
Beverly Marsh.

A little too quick. His ears turn red with embarrassment.

BEN (CONT’D)
I just know ‘cuz we were in social
studies. Together, in the same
class. You were...
(ugh, forget it)
I’m Ben. But everyone pretty much
just calls me --

BEVERLY
“The new kid.”

BEN
Even though I’ve been here four
months already...

BEVERLY
Well Ben, there are worse things to
be called...

Ben crushing on her.

BEVERLY (CONT’D)
Can I sign your yearbook?

She doesn’t even wait for his answer and takes his YEARBOOK
out of his hands. Opens it and sees she’s the first, and
only, to sign it. Her heart breaks a little for him. She
writes “Stay Cool” and signs her name with three hearts.

Ben sees a FAINT YELLOW BRUISE on her forearm. Beverly
notices him noticing.

BEVERLY (CONT’D)
“Stay cool” Ben from sosh class.

BEN
Uh, you too, Beverly.


Ben watches her go, totally smitten.

BEVERLY
“K.I.T.”

Feeling brilliant for an instant--

BEN
“Get laid in the shade!”

Then smacks his head. “Laid in the shade”? Really? Burning
with shame he hops on his bike.

Through the parking lot past a DERRY POLICE BOOTH, where a
little gathering of cops eat donuts (CHIEF BORTON among them)
not doing jack shit. The school MARQUEE reads:

REMEMBER THE CURFEW

7 P.M.

DERRY POLICE DEPARTMENT

Find Bill, Eddie, Richie and Stanley nearby watching --

The mother of Dorsey Corcoran, sleepless and desperate, scans
the throngs of departing kids. Her desperate eyes fall on
Bill, Richie, Eddie and Stanley. They avert their stares.

STANLEY
She actually expecting to see him?

EDDIE
Like, Dorsey Corcoran’s been hiding
in Home Ec the last three weeks.

BILL
You think they’ll find him?

RICHIE
Sure they will. In a ditch. All
decomposed, covered in worms and
maggots and smelling like Eddie’s
Mom’s va--

Richie is CHECKED TO THE PAVEMENT by Travis Bowers. His
glasses fall off and a pile of comics and video game
magazines spill from his back pack.

TRAVIS
Sorry chode. Didn’t see you.

Travis kicks the glasses away. Victor grabs Stanley’s
yarmulke and tosses it into the window of a departing bus.


VICTOR
Frisbee, fuck nut.

Belch burps in Eddie’s face. Eddie wilts. Bill scoops up the
remains of Richie’s glasses, smashed by the bus.

BILL
You suck, B-B-B-B-Bowers!

Travis and his goons turn. They stare at Bill menacingly.

TRAVIS
You s-s-say something, p-p-pussy?

Everyone around them stops and watches, waiting for Bill to
respond. Eddie gives Bill a look to shut it. He does.

TRAVIS (CONT’D)
Yeah, thought so. You got a free
ride this year because of your
little brother. But ride’s over,
Denbrough...

He starts to move toward Bill. But he catches sight of Chief
Borton. Or more importantly, OFFICER BOWERS. Travis’ father.
Sadly, we’ll meet him more officially later.

Travis looks back at Bill and the others. Tension. He steps
back, giving the Boys some room to breathe. But not too much.

TRAVIS (CONT’D)
This summer’s gonna be a hurt
train, for you and your faggot
friends...

He heads off toward Victor’s Trans Am.
Genres: ["Drama","Coming of Age","Horror"]

Summary Outside Derry High School, shy Ben Hascomb is approached by the confident Beverly Marsh, who playfully teases him while revealing a hint of her own struggles. As Ben develops a crush on Beverly, the scene shifts to a confrontation with school bully Travis Bowers, who threatens Bill and his friends. The presence of a police officer temporarily diffuses the situation, but the tension remains palpable as Travis walks away, leaving the boys feeling vulnerable.
Strengths
  • Strong character development
  • Intense conflict
  • Emotional impact
Weaknesses
  • Stereotypical bully behavior
  • Lack of resolution in the scene

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene is well-crafted with strong character interactions, high stakes, and emotional impact. The tension between the protagonists and the bullies adds depth to the narrative.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of bullying, social hierarchy, and coming of age is effectively portrayed, adding layers to the overall narrative.

Plot: 8.5

The plot advances through character interactions and conflicts, setting up future events and character arcs.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh take on typical high school interactions, with nuanced character dynamics and authentic dialogue that set it apart from cliched portrayals.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed, each with distinct personalities and motivations that drive the scene forward.

Character Changes: 8

The characters experience growth and change, particularly in their interactions with the bullies, setting up future character arcs.

Internal Goal: 8

Ben's internal goal is to impress Beverly and make a connection with her, showcasing his desire for acceptance and admiration.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to navigate the social challenges and interactions in the high school environment, particularly with the presence of bullies like Travis Bowers.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between the protagonists and the bullies is intense and drives the scene forward, creating tension and suspense.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicts between characters driving the drama and creating obstacles for the protagonist to overcome.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high for the characters, especially in their confrontations with the bullies, adding tension and urgency to the scene.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by establishing key conflicts, character dynamics, and setting up future events.

Unpredictability: 7

The scene is unpredictable in its character dynamics and escalating conflicts, keeping the audience on their toes and unsure of how the interactions will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict revolves around the themes of identity, acceptance, and social status. Ben's desire to fit in clashes with the harsh realities of high school social dynamics.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene evokes strong emotions from the audience, particularly fear, anxiety, and empathy for the characters' struggles.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is realistic and impactful, revealing the dynamics between the characters and adding depth to their relationships.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its dynamic character interactions, witty dialogue, and escalating tension that keeps the audience invested in the unfolding drama.

Pacing: 8

The scene's pacing effectively builds tension and suspense, with well-timed character interactions and dialogue that maintain a sense of urgency and momentum.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene's formatting adheres to industry standards, with clear scene descriptions, character actions, and dialogue formatting that enhance readability and flow.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a well-paced structure that effectively builds tension and develops character relationships, fitting the expected format for a high school drama genre.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the awkwardness of adolescent interactions, particularly through Ben's nervousness around Beverly. This is relatable and adds depth to their characters. However, the dialogue could be tightened to enhance the pacing and flow, as some exchanges feel a bit drawn out.
  • Beverly's character is introduced with a strong presence, but her actions, such as lighting a cigarette, could be better contextualized to reflect her motivations or emotional state. This would add layers to her character and make her more relatable.
  • The transition from Ben's embarrassment to his smitten reaction is well-executed, but the dialogue could benefit from more subtext. For instance, instead of directly stating 'I just know 'cuz we were in social studies,' Ben could hint at his admiration for Beverly in a more indirect way, which would make the moment feel more authentic.
  • The introduction of the bullying subplot with Travis and his gang is effective, but it feels somewhat abrupt. A smoother transition or a more gradual build-up to this conflict could enhance the tension and stakes for the characters.
  • The scene ends with a strong visual of the police booth and the school marquee, which sets a foreboding tone. However, the connection between Ben's interaction with Beverly and the looming threat of Travis could be more explicitly drawn to heighten the sense of danger.
Suggestions
  • Consider condensing some of the dialogue to maintain a brisker pace and keep the audience engaged. Focus on key lines that reveal character and advance the plot.
  • Add more internal thoughts or reactions from Ben to provide insight into his feelings about Beverly and the bullying situation. This could be done through brief voiceovers or visual cues.
  • Explore Beverly's character further by giving her a moment of vulnerability or reflection after her interaction with Ben. This could deepen her character and create a stronger emotional connection with the audience.
  • Introduce the bullying subplot earlier in the scene or weave it more seamlessly into the dialogue to create a stronger sense of tension and urgency.
  • Enhance the visual storytelling by incorporating more sensory details, such as the sounds of the school environment or the atmosphere of the parking lot, to immerse the audience in the setting.



Scene 7 -  Summer Plans and Serious Realities
EXT. WITCHAM STREET - STRIP MALL - DAY

Backpacks. Unzipped. Stuffed with old homework, school
projects, battered notebooks, broken pencils.

Bill, Richie, Stanley and Eddie shake their backpacks out
over a dumpster in the back of Keene’s Pharmacy.

Purging themselves of the school year.

EDDIE
Best feeling ever.

RICHIE
I know one that’s better.


Masturbating.

BILL
B-Barrens tomorrow, right?

Eddie, Richie and Stanley look at each other. The mood has
changed. Back to Bill:

STANLEY
Are we really going to start off
the summer looking for dead Dorsey?

EDDIE
Stan --

BILL
He isn’t dead.

STANLEY
Just missing. Right. Sorry, Bill.

Richie sees Mike on his bike pedaling past ‘em. Richie waves.

RICHIE
Hey homeschool...

MIKE
Hey...

They watch as Mike continues on, ultimately disappearing
around the corner. Like he’s some sort of urban legend.

RICHIE
Do home-schooled kids even get
summer vacation, ya think?

EDDIE
Their whole life is summer
vacation...

STANLEY
I don’t know. I bet it’s lonely.

Nevermind that --

BILL
S-So tomorrow? Barrens?

STANLEY
We’ll be there.

They all peel off in different directions. Bill and Richie on
their bikes, Eddie and Stanley on foot.


INT. BILL DENBROUGH’S HOUSE - DAY

Dust collects on the piano in the living room. A stale quiet
suffocates the house. The only sound the ticking of a clock
and the distant yelling of playing children.
Genres: ["Drama","Coming of Age"]

Summary In a strip mall behind Keene’s Pharmacy, four boys—Bill, Richie, Stanley, and Eddie—symbolically purge their school year by emptying their backpacks into a dumpster. They excitedly discuss summer plans, particularly a trip to the Barrens to search for a missing boy named Dorsey. The mood shifts as they confront the seriousness of Dorsey's situation, but they ultimately agree to meet up the next day. Their conversation is briefly interrupted by Mike, a homeschooled kid, leading to reflections on different lifestyles. The scene captures a mix of nostalgia and apprehension as the boys part ways, riding bikes and walking off, hinting at the carefree essence of childhood alongside the weight of their mission.
Strengths
  • Authentic character interactions
  • Smooth transition between settings
  • Establishing the tone for future events
Weaknesses
  • Lack of major plot development
  • Low immediate stakes

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively sets the tone for the upcoming summer adventures of the characters while introducing subtle conflicts and character dynamics. The transition from school to summer break is well portrayed, creating a sense of nostalgia and anticipation.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene revolves around the end of the school year and the beginning of summer, highlighting the characters' relationships and setting the stage for future events. The scene effectively captures the essence of a group of friends transitioning into a new phase.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene focuses on the characters' interactions and the setting of the summer break, laying the groundwork for future developments. While there are no major plot twists, the scene serves as a crucial moment in establishing the characters' dynamics.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh take on the coming-of-age genre, with authentic dialogue and relatable character interactions. The actions and dialogue feel genuine and true to life.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters in the scene are well-developed, each displaying distinct personalities and dynamics within the group. The interactions between the friends feel authentic, adding depth to their relationships and setting up potential conflicts.

Character Changes: 7

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the interactions and dynamics among the friends hint at potential growth and conflicts in the future. The scene sets the stage for character development.

Internal Goal: 8

Bill's internal goal is to maintain the group's unity and sense of adventure, despite doubts from Stanley. This reflects his need for connection and his desire to keep the group together.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to plan a trip to the Barrens, showing his determination to continue their summer adventures. It reflects the immediate challenge of convincing his friends to join him.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

While there are hints of underlying tensions and conflicts, the scene primarily focuses on the camaraderie and interactions among the friends. The conflict is more subtle and sets the stage for future developments.

Opposition: 6

The opposition in the scene is subtle, with Stanley's doubts providing a small obstacle for Bill to overcome. The uncertainty adds tension to the group dynamic.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes in the scene are relatively low, focusing more on the characters' interactions and the transition from school to summer break. While there are hints of conflicts and tensions, the immediate stakes are not high.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by establishing the characters' relationships, dynamics, and the setting of the summer break. It sets the stage for future events and developments within the narrative.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting dynamics between the characters and the unexpected appearance of Mike. The reader is left wondering about the group's future adventures.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict is between the carefree attitude of the group and Stanley's skepticism. It challenges Bill's belief in their friendship and shared experiences.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a sense of nostalgia and anticipation, resonating with the audience's own memories of the end of the school year and the start of summer break. The interactions between the characters add emotional depth to the scene.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene is engaging and reflective of the characters' personalities, showcasing their camaraderie and banter. The conversations feel natural and contribute to the overall tone of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its relatable characters, authentic dialogue, and subtle emotional tension. The interactions between the friends draw the reader in.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-balanced, with a mix of dialogue and action that keeps the reader engaged. The rhythm of the scene enhances its emotional impact.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene is well-formatted, with clear scene headings and descriptions that enhance the visual storytelling.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a natural progression, moving from the strip mall to Bill's house, with a clear focus on the characters' interactions and dialogue.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the camaraderie and youthful banter among the boys, which is essential for establishing their friendship. However, the dialogue could benefit from more distinct character voices to enhance individuality. For instance, while Richie is characterized as the jokester, his humor could be more varied to avoid redundancy.
  • The transition from the light-hearted moment of purging school items to the darker undertone of searching for a missing boy feels abrupt. The shift in mood could be smoothed out with a more gradual build-up, perhaps by incorporating a brief moment of reflection or concern among the boys before they dive into the topic of Dorsey.
  • The mention of Mike as an 'urban legend' is intriguing but lacks depth. This could be an opportunity to explore the boys' perceptions of Mike and the implications of being homeschooled, which might add layers to their interactions and highlight social dynamics.
  • The scene ends rather abruptly with the boys peeling off in different directions. While this reflects the reality of childhood friendships, it might be more impactful to include a moment of shared resolve or a final line that encapsulates their bond and the weight of their mission, reinforcing the emotional stakes.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a line or two that showcases each character's unique perspective on the summer plans, which would help differentiate their voices and deepen character development.
  • Introduce a moment of hesitation or concern about Dorsey's disappearance before the boys agree to search for him. This could be a shared look or a brief exchange that acknowledges the seriousness of the situation.
  • Expand on the boys' thoughts about Mike's homeschooling. Perhaps one of them could express envy or concern, which would add depth to their dynamic and highlight the theme of isolation versus friendship.
  • End the scene with a more poignant line or action that reinforces their commitment to each other and the gravity of their quest, such as a group cheer or a shared moment of silence before they part ways.



Scene 8 -  Echoes of Loss
EXT. BILL DENBROUGH’S HOUSE - DAY

Bill walks up his driveway as --

BILL
He th-th-thrusts his fists against
the po-po-po-po-SH-SH-SHIT...

Breathe deep, Bill. Take it slow.

BILL (CONT’D)
He th-thrusts his fists against the
po-posts... B-but still insists he
s-sees the ghosts.

Skids to a stop at the mailbox. He opens it and sifts through
mail, coming across a BROCHURE FOR ACADIA NATIONAL PARK.

His face lights up.

BILL (CONT’D)
Hey Ma.

She’s watering their planters, mind a million miles away.
Only when one overflows and spills onto her shoes does she
snap out of it --

SHARON
Damn it, Bill. You could’ve said
something.

She goes to the spigot and turns off the hose.

ZACH (O.S.)
Bill! That you?!

Bill pushes his bike up to the GARAGE, brochure in hand.

Sees his dad, ZACH DENBROUGH (40), sits at his woodworking
bench whittling a lump of wood into a DUCK DECOY. Behind him
dozens of colorfully painted decoys are arranged on display.

BILL
Western Grebe. Want help painting --

ZACH
I thought we agreed.


He points to the corner, which is taken up by an elaborate,
labyrinthine, scale model of the Derry sewers made out of
yellow plastic hamster tubes.

BILL
Before you say anything.

ZACH
Bill --

BILL
Just let me show you something
first...

Bill grabs a G.I. JOE ACTION FIGURE off the tool bench and
sticks it in the tubes. He turns on the hose, sprays it at
the model, and G.I. Joe goes sweeping through the plastic
tunnels. Shooting onto the drain marked “Barrens.”

BILL (CONT’D)
The Barrens. It’s the only place --

ZACH
He’s gone, Bill.

BILL
But if the storm swept Georgie in,
we should’ve --

ZACH
He’s gone. He’s dead. What’s done
is done. Now please take it down.

Zach folds a SEWER MAP that Bill had stapled above.

ZACH (CONT’D)
And next time you take a sewer map
from my workshop ask permission.

Gut punched. Bill looks to a HAMSTER IN AN EMPTY CAGE.

BILL
Guess you get your tunnels back.

As he starts disassembling the model -- quietly, to himself --

BILL (CONT’D)
He thrusts his fi-fists... against
the po-posts...

Water leaks from the mouth of the hose and pools slowly at
his feet. A sinister tremor disturbs its surface, or the
reflection of a face...
Genres: ["Horror","Drama"]

Summary Bill Denbrough struggles with his stutter as he approaches his father, Zach, to discuss his missing brother, Georgie. Excited by a model of the Derry sewers he built, Bill hopes to connect it to Georgie's disappearance. However, Zach dismisses Bill's concerns, insisting Georgie is dead and ordering him to dismantle the model. Feeling defeated, Bill begins to take it apart while repeating his stuttered line, and a sinister tremor appears in the water at his feet, symbolizing his unresolved grief.
Strengths
  • Tense atmosphere
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue could be more impactful

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively combines elements of horror and drama, creating a tense and emotional atmosphere. The interaction between Bill and his father, as well as the dismantling of the sewer model, adds depth to the story and characters.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene, focusing on Bill's search for his missing brother and the emotional turmoil he faces, is strong and engaging.

Plot: 8.5

The plot of the scene is well-developed, advancing the story by revealing more about Bill's character and his motivations. The dismantling of the sewer model adds depth to the overall narrative.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the theme of loss and grief through the use of the sewer model as a symbolic representation of Bill's search for answers. The dialogue and character interactions feel authentic and emotionally resonant.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-developed, with Bill and his father showing complexity and depth. Their interactions reveal more about their relationship and motivations.

Character Changes: 8

Bill undergoes a significant emotional change in the scene, grappling with the reality of his brother's disappearance and his father's words. This adds complexity to his character arc.

Internal Goal: 8

Bill's internal goal in this scene is to find closure and understanding regarding his brother Georgie's disappearance. He is grappling with guilt, grief, and a desire for resolution.

External Goal: 7

Bill's external goal is to convince his father, Zach, to continue searching for Georgie by showing him the sewer model and explaining his theory.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, as Bill grapples with the loss of his brother and his father's words. The tension between them adds depth to the emotional stakes.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Zach's refusal to continue searching for Georgie creating a significant obstacle for Bill.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in the scene, as Bill confronts the reality of his brother's disappearance and the emotional turmoil it brings. The tension and emotional weight add depth to the narrative.

Story Forward: 9

The scene effectively moves the story forward by revealing more about Bill's character, his motivations, and the emotional stakes involved in his search for his missing brother.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because the audience is unsure of how Zach will react to Bill's attempts to convince him to continue searching for Georgie.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between acceptance and denial. Zach represents acceptance of Georgie's death and moving on, while Bill represents denial and a refusal to give up hope.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking feelings of sadness, fear, and regret. The interactions between the characters and the dismantling of the sewer model add depth to the emotional resonance.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue in the scene is effective in conveying the emotions and tensions between the characters. It adds depth to the interactions and reveals more about the characters' personalities.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the emotional depth of the characters, the tension between Bill and Zach, and the mystery surrounding Georgie's disappearance.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and emotion, with pauses and moments of reflection that enhance the impact of the dialogue.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a dramatic family interaction, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the emotional impact of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures Bill's internal struggle with his brother's disappearance, using his stutter as a poignant symbol of his emotional turmoil. However, the dialogue could be tightened to enhance the impact of his stutter, making it feel more natural and less repetitive.
  • The interaction between Bill and his parents, particularly with Zach, is emotionally charged but could benefit from more subtext. Zach's dismissal of Bill's concerns feels abrupt; adding a line or two that hints at his own grief or frustration could deepen the emotional stakes.
  • The visual elements, such as the model of the Derry sewers and the G.I. Joe action figure, are strong metaphors for Bill's quest for answers. However, the transition from the model to the emotional confrontation with Zach could be smoother. Consider integrating more sensory details to enhance the atmosphere, such as the smell of wood shavings or the sound of the hose spraying water.
  • The scene's pacing is uneven, particularly in the dialogue exchanges. Some lines feel rushed, while others linger too long. Balancing the rhythm of the dialogue can help maintain tension and keep the audience engaged.
  • The ending with the sinister tremor in the water is a compelling visual cue that hints at the supernatural elements of the story. However, it could be more impactful if it were foreshadowed earlier in the scene, perhaps through Bill's growing anxiety or a subtle change in the environment.
Suggestions
  • Consider revising Bill's stutter to make it feel more organic. Instead of repeating the same sounds, vary the phrasing to reflect his emotional state and the urgency of his thoughts.
  • Add a moment of vulnerability for Zach that reveals his own grief over Georgie's disappearance. This could create a more complex father-son dynamic and enhance the emotional weight of their exchange.
  • Incorporate more sensory details to enrich the setting. Describe the sounds of the neighborhood, the feel of the water, or the smell of the wood in the garage to create a more immersive experience.
  • Revise the pacing of the dialogue to create a more natural flow. Use pauses and interruptions to reflect the tension in the conversation and the characters' emotional states.
  • Foreshadow the supernatural elements earlier in the scene by subtly hinting at Bill's anxiety or the environment's eeriness, making the final tremor in the water feel like a culmination of building tension.



Scene 9 -  Chased and Haunted
EXT. COSTELLO AVENUE MARKET - LATER

Mike exits and hops on his bike. Doesn’t notice Victor’s
Trans Am pass him on the street. But we do. And as Mike takes
off in the other direction we keep with the Trans Am as it
stops and makes a slow U-Turn. Uh-oh...


EXT. EDGE OF TOWN - DIRT ROAD - LATER

Mike on his bike. On his own. Working his way back to the
Hanlon Homestead when --

Victor’s Trans Am appears behind him.


INT. VICTOR’S TRANS AM - CONTINUOUS

Victor behind the wheel. Travis reaches over and HONKS the
horn. Mike turns. “Oh shit...” all over his face.


EXT. EDGE OF TOWN - DIRT ROAD - CONTINUOUS

Mike pedals fast as the Trans Am screams up on him, like it’s
going to chew ‘im up and spit him out. At the last second --

Mike turns off the road. Losing control of his bike. Leaps
off but its speed keeps it upright and it CRASHES into --

A GNARLED, LIFELESS TREE.

Trans Am blasts past Mike. Amazing you can even hear their
laughter over the roaring engine. Leaning out of the window --

TRAVIS
Stay the fuck out of my town!

Trans Am disappears around the bend. But it isn’t until the
sound of the engine fades that Mike gets back to his feet.

Collects himself.

Walks back to his bike, half-hidden in the bushes. Rips it
free from the brushwood and kneels to examine it.

Bent rim, broken spokes, snapped chain.

As he inspects the tires, he freezes. Like he senses a
presence behind him. He turns right as --

Something darts into the bushes. Can’t be sure what it was
but it looked like a messy mass of MELTED HANDS.


Not wanting to investigate further, Mike stands and starts to
quickly push his bike back onto the road and out of town.
Genres: ["Horror","Drama"]

Summary Mike leaves the Costello Avenue Market on his bike, unaware that he is being pursued by Victor and Travis in a Trans Am. As they catch up, Travis honks and taunts Mike, causing him to panic and crash into a tree. After the car speeds away, Mike inspects his damaged bike and senses something sinister lurking nearby, which he glimpses darting into the bushes. Feeling shaken, he decides to leave the area quickly.
Strengths
  • Effective tension-building
  • Compelling chase sequence
  • Strong emotional impact
Weaknesses
  • Limited dialogue
  • Some cliched elements

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene is well-crafted, effectively building tension and fear through its intense and dark tone. The combination of horror elements with dramatic conflict adds depth to the narrative.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a chase scene in a horror setting is compelling and well-executed, adding layers of fear and suspense to the narrative.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene revolves around the chase and confrontation, moving the story forward while heightening the stakes for the characters involved.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh approach to a familiar situation, with unexpected twists and a sense of unpredictability. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and add depth to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters' reactions and interactions in the scene are crucial in building tension and fear, with their emotions driving the narrative forward.

Character Changes: 7

The main character undergoes a significant change as he confronts his fears and fights for survival, showcasing his growth and development.

Internal Goal: 8

Mike's internal goal in this scene is to survive and escape the dangerous situation he finds himself in. His fear and desperation are evident in his actions and reactions.

External Goal: 7

Mike's external goal is to avoid confrontation with Victor and Travis and get out of town safely.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is intense and high-stakes, with the characters facing a life-threatening situation that pushes them to their limits.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the threat of Victor and Travis creating a sense of danger and urgency that drives the conflict forward.

High Stakes: 9

The high stakes in the scene add urgency and tension, as the characters face a life-threatening situation that tests their courage and resilience.

Story Forward: 8

The scene propels the story forward by introducing a new conflict and raising the stakes for the characters, setting the stage for further developments.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists and turns in the characters' actions and the escalating tension that keeps the audience guessing.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the clash between Mike's desire for survival and the aggressive, threatening behavior of Victor and Travis. It challenges Mike's beliefs about safety and security.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes fear and tension in the audience, creating an emotional impact that resonates with the characters' struggles and fears.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue in the scene is minimal but impactful, conveying the characters' fear and desperation effectively.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its fast-paced action, high stakes, and intense conflict that keeps the audience on the edge of their seats.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is fast and intense, with a rhythm that builds tension and suspense effectively, keeping the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings and descriptions that enhance the visual storytelling.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with well-paced action and dialogue, building tension and suspense effectively.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension through the use of Mike's perspective as he is pursued by the Trans Am. The sense of danger is palpable, and the reader can feel Mike's fear as he realizes he is being targeted by Travis and his gang.
  • The dialogue from Travis, 'Stay the fuck out of my town!' is impactful and establishes his character as a bully who feels a sense of ownership over the area. However, it could be enhanced by adding a line that reflects Travis's motivations or insecurities, making him a more complex antagonist.
  • The visual imagery of Mike's bike crash into the gnarly tree is strong, but the transition from the crash to the moment he inspects his bike could be smoother. The pacing feels slightly rushed, and a brief moment of reflection or internal dialogue could heighten the emotional stakes.
  • The introduction of the melted hands at the end is intriguing and adds a supernatural element, but it feels somewhat abrupt. More foreshadowing or a gradual build-up to this moment could enhance its impact and make it feel less like a sudden jump scare.
  • The scene ends with Mike deciding to leave, which is a logical response to the fear he experiences. However, it might be beneficial to include a line of internal thought that reflects his feelings about the encounter, reinforcing his character development and the stakes involved.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment of internal conflict for Mike as he realizes he is being chased. This could involve a flashback or a thought about previous encounters with Travis, deepening the emotional resonance of the scene.
  • Enhance the description of the Trans Am's approach to create a more vivid sense of dread. Use sensory details like the sound of the engine, the vibrations in the air, or the feeling of the ground beneath Mike's feet to immerse the reader further.
  • Introduce a brief moment of hesitation or fear before Mike crashes his bike, allowing the reader to feel his panic and urgency. This could be a moment where he considers his options or reflects on the danger he is in.
  • Expand on the moment Mike inspects his bike. This could be an opportunity to show his frustration or fear, perhaps through a physical reaction or a brief internal monologue about his situation.
  • Consider revising the ending to include a stronger emotional reaction from Mike after he sees the melted hands. This could be a moment of realization about the dangers in Derry, setting up his character arc for the rest of the story.



Scene 10 -  The Weight of Expectation
INT. DERRY SYNAGOGUE - DAY

Stanley reads from the TORAH as the RABBI -- aka Stanley’s
Dad -- watches over his shoulder. Waiting for a fuck up.

STANLEY
Baruk atah Adonai, eloheynu
meleek...

There it is.

RABBI
Melehk. Start again.

Trying harder -- nervous --

STANLEY
Baruk atah Adonai, eloheynu
melehk... melehk...

Oy vey --

RABBI
Ha‘olam...

STANLEY
Ha’olam, asher bahkar mikal..

RABBI
Banu mikal! You’re not studying,
Stanley. You’re not studying and
yet this is exactly what this time
is about... Taking responsibility
for one’s own religious life. If
you don’t want to study for you,
think of your mother. Think of me.
How is it going to look if the
Rabbi’s son can’t even finish his
reading? Do you want to bring shame
on me and your mother, after all
we’ve done for you?

STANLEY
No, sir.

RABBI
Or on people of this Synagogue?

STANLEY
No, sir.


RABBI
On yourself?

Stanley shakes his head.

STANLEY
No, sir.

RABBI
Your actions say otherwise.

Stanley’s eyes well up with tears. Doesn’t want to be a
disappointment. Not to his Father. Not to anyone.

The Rabbi hands Stanley the scroll.

RABBI (CONT’D)
Put the scroll away. No one up here
is using it anyway.


INT. DERRY SYNAGOGUE, DOWNSTAIRS - MOMENTS LATER

Ashamed, Stanley walks down the old, molding stone stairs to
the basement of the synagogue. He finds his

DAD’S OFFICE

A scholar’s study. Rabbinical papers, journals, and books. So
many books. On one of the walls hangs a PAINTING: Judith.
Standing naked, holding her sword in one hand and the
decapitated, bloody head of Holofernes in the other.

Stanley glances up at Judith as he passes with the scroll.
Like he can’t help himself. Even though he’d rather not.

Creak...

Behind him, the Door to the Mikveh OPENS. A darkness beyond,
seems to beckon him. Stanley steps toward. Like he might
enter. But instead --

He SLAMS the door shut. Spooked.
Genres: ["Drama","Coming of Age"]

Summary In the Derry Synagogue, Stanley struggles to read from the Torah, facing harsh criticism from his father, the Rabbi, who emphasizes the importance of responsibility and family honor. Overwhelmed by shame and disappointment, Stanley retreats to his father's office, where he is momentarily drawn to the darkness of the Mikveh but ultimately slams the door shut, symbolizing his fear and reluctance to confront his inner turmoil.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Tension building
Weaknesses
  • Potential for cliched dialogue
  • Lack of external conflict

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys the emotional turmoil of the character, creates a tense atmosphere, and introduces important themes and conflicts.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a young boy struggling with religious expectations and personal fears is compelling and adds depth to the character development. The scene effectively introduces themes of responsibility and shame.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene focuses on the internal conflict of the character and sets up potential conflicts with his family and community. It moves the story forward by revealing important character dynamics.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh take on the coming-of-age theme by exploring religious and cultural expectations within a family dynamic. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and relatable.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters are well-developed, especially the young boy who is struggling with his father's expectations. The scene sets up potential character arcs and conflicts that can drive the narrative forward.

Character Changes: 8

The character undergoes a significant emotional change as he confronts his fears and struggles with meeting expectations. This sets up potential character growth and development.

Internal Goal: 8

Stanley's internal goal is to prove himself to his father and the community by successfully completing his reading from the Torah. This reflects his desire for approval and acceptance.

External Goal: 7

Stanley's external goal is to avoid disappointing his father and the community by successfully completing his reading from the Torah. This reflects the immediate challenge he faces in the scene.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The scene has a high level of internal conflict as the character grapples with his father's expectations and his own fears. It sets up potential conflicts with family and community expectations.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Stanley facing pressure from his father and the community to succeed in his reading. The audience is unsure of how Stanley will overcome this challenge.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high for the character as he grapples with meeting his father's expectations and facing potential shame and disappointment. The scene sets up potential conflicts with family and community.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by revealing important character dynamics and setting up potential conflicts. It introduces themes and conflicts that can drive the narrative forward.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the emotional intensity and the uncertainty of Stanley's success in his reading. The audience is unsure of how the situation will resolve.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between Stanley's desire for personal fulfillment and his duty to his family and community. This challenges his beliefs about responsibility and identity.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking feelings of shame, fear, and responsibility in the character. It creates a sense of empathy and tension for the audience.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue effectively conveys the tension and emotional turmoil of the scene. It reveals the relationship dynamics between the characters and sets up potential conflicts.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the emotional stakes, the relatable conflict, and the tension between the characters. The audience is invested in Stanley's journey and the outcome of his reading.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotion, keeping the audience engaged and invested in Stanley's struggle.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a dialogue-heavy scene in a screenplay, with clear character actions and descriptions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a dramatic moment in a screenplay, with clear character motivations and conflict driving the narrative.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures Stanley's internal struggle with his father's expectations and the pressure of his religious responsibilities. The dialogue between Stanley and the Rabbi is tense and highlights the generational conflict, which is relatable and adds depth to Stanley's character.
  • The use of the Torah reading as a backdrop for Stanley's emotional turmoil is a strong choice, as it symbolizes his struggle with identity and belonging. However, the scene could benefit from more sensory details to enhance the atmosphere of the synagogue, such as the smell of old books or the sound of the Rabbi's voice echoing in the space.
  • The transition from the synagogue to the basement is somewhat abrupt. While it serves to show Stanley's shame and retreat, a smoother transition could help maintain the emotional flow. Perhaps a brief moment of reflection or a visual cue could bridge the two locations more effectively.
  • The introduction of the painting of Judith is intriguing and adds a layer of symbolism regarding strength and sacrifice. However, the connection between Judith and Stanley's situation could be more explicitly drawn. A line of internal monologue or a brief flashback could enhance this thematic link.
  • The ending, with Stanley slamming the door to the Mikveh, is a strong visual moment that conveys his fear and reluctance to confront deeper issues. However, it might be more impactful if there were a clearer indication of what the Mikveh represents for Stanley—fear of failure, fear of the unknown, or a desire to escape his responsibilities.
Suggestions
  • Incorporate more sensory details to create a vivid atmosphere in the synagogue, enhancing the reader's immersion in the setting.
  • Consider adding a moment of reflection for Stanley before he descends into the basement, allowing the audience to feel his emotional weight more profoundly.
  • Strengthen the thematic connection between the painting of Judith and Stanley's internal conflict by including a line of internal thought or a brief flashback that relates Judith's story to his own.
  • Explore the symbolism of the Mikveh further, perhaps through a line of internal dialogue that reveals Stanley's fears or desires regarding his religious obligations.
  • Ensure a smoother transition between the synagogue and the basement to maintain emotional continuity, possibly by using a visual or auditory cue that links the two spaces.



Scene 11 -  Unease on Neibolt Street
EXT. NEIBOLT STREET - DAY

Eddie walks down the street with crumbling asphalt that runs
along the canal and the OLD TRAIN YARD.

Beep beep beep. He looks at his Casio Calculator Watch. Alarm
has been set. Stops. Digs into his pocket.


Pulls out a BOTTLE OF PILLS. Open it and dumps a few into his
hand. Different colors. About to pinch one up but --

Man, can’t shake the feeling he’s being watched.

He looks over at

THE HOUSE ON 29 NEIBOLT STREET

A plot infested with giant ratty sunflowers that hem in an
abandoned, boarded up structure with a rotted, sloping facade
that looks like Munch’s The Scream.

But no sign of anyone inside. Or out.

Unnerved, Eddie quickly looks at his pills. Starts to walk
again as he tries to put them back in the bottle when --

CoughCough.

Not sure from where.

Startles Eddie. Drops his pills. They scatter over asphalt.

EDDIE
Shit.

He looks back over at The House on 29 Neibolt Street.

Still no sign of anyone.

But hey, do you remember if the Front Door was open before?

Because it is now.

Eddie quickly kneels. Trying to collect his scattered pills
and stuff ‘em back into his Medicine Bottle.

EDDIE (CONT’D)
Moms gonna kill me...

He reaches for A RED PILL when --

SOMEONE ELSE’S HAND picks it up instead. And let me tell you
about this hand. If I can. Without throwing up.

Start with The Thumb. Or what’s left of it. Because really
it’s nothing more than a NUBBIN which serves as an outpost in
a sea of flaky flesh full of Open Sores and Hanging Scabs.
Glistening with puss. And snot. Probably a mix of both.

It is the Hand of Disease.


It is the preview -- the amooze blech -- of what is to come
as Eddie looks up and sees --

A leprous, tumorous HOBO. A case study for Everything Awful
Ever. A wet sponge of sickness.

HOBO
Think these’ll help me?

Hobo COUGHS again.

Eddie squishes his face. He can feel the spittle stick and
his skin absorb the messy microbes especially as --

Hobo blows his nose into his hand. Wipes it on his Coat
Sleeve. We see the hint of a WHITE RUFFLE underneath.

I mean, maybe you see it. Or maybe you’re too focused on the
long string of snot that droops down from his nose.

HOBO (CONT’D)
Think these’ll make us float?

Hobo limps toward Eddie. Dragging his dead leg behind him.

Eddie scrambles back.

Not realizing he’s making his way closer to The House on 29
Neibolt Street. Until he turns around and sees --

An Orange Glow emanating from underneath the Front Porch. As
if a sunset is happening just beyond the rotted lattice.

Eddie.

Fixated on that glow.

As the Hobo gets closer and closer.

We might lose Eddie here but --

BeepBeep.

Of his Watch again.

Blinks.

Eddie realizes the Hobo is right on him -- how’d he get to
him so quick? -- and takes off running into the

BACK YARD

Reaches the Chain Link Fence.


Looks back at the House and sees --

Pennywise.

On the Back Porch.

Holding a bunch of Stringed Balloons in one hand as he waves
to Eddie with the other.

PENNYWISE
Where ya going, Eds? If you lived
here you’d be home by now!

Scared sick, Eddie begins to climb the fence. Not an easy
feat for someone of his weak and feeble nature.

Falls to the other side.

Looks back. Ready to see something even worse but --

Pennywise is gone.

Eddie pulls out his Inhaler. Takes a puff.
Genres: ["Horror","Thriller"]

Summary Eddie walks down a crumbling street, feeling anxious as he checks his watch and pulls out colorful pills. He senses a presence and is drawn to the eerie House on 29 Neibolt Street. Startled by a cough, he encounters a grotesque hobo who questions the pills' effectiveness. As the hobo approaches, Eddie notices an unsettling orange glow from the house. When the hobo gets too close, Eddie's watch beeps, prompting him to flee. He climbs a fence and sees Pennywise on the porch, who taunts him before vanishing, leaving Eddie shaken and reliant on his inhaler.
Strengths
  • Effective tension-building
  • Vivid descriptions of horror elements
  • Strong atmosphere
Weaknesses
  • Potential for excessive gore or shock value
  • Limited character development for Eddie in this scene

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively builds tension and fear through the introduction of grotesque characters and a creepy atmosphere. It keeps the audience on edge with a sense of impending danger and showcases the vulnerability of the protagonist.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of encountering grotesque and terrifying characters in a dark and eerie setting is executed well, creating a sense of horror and suspense. The scene effectively sets up a chilling encounter with Pennywise.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene revolves around Eddie's terrifying encounter with the leprous hobo and Pennywise, adding to the overall sense of dread and danger. It moves the story forward by escalating the stakes and setting up future conflicts.

Originality: 9

The scene is highly original, with fresh and disturbing imagery that sets it apart from typical horror scenes. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and contribute to the sense of dread.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters of the leprous hobo and Pennywise are effectively portrayed as grotesque and terrifying, adding to the horror of the scene. Eddie's vulnerability and fear are also well-developed, making the audience empathize with his situation.

Character Changes: 7

Eddie experiences a significant change in the scene as he confronts his fears and faces terrifying characters. His vulnerability and fear are heightened, setting up potential character growth and development in future scenes.

Internal Goal: 8

Eddie's internal goal in this scene is to overcome his fear and anxiety, as evidenced by his nervous behavior and paranoia about being watched.

External Goal: 7

Eddie's external goal is to escape the threatening presence of the leprous hobo and Pennywise, as well as to retrieve his scattered pills.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The scene is filled with conflict, both internal (Eddie's fear and vulnerability) and external (encounter with the leprous hobo and Pennywise). The escalating tension and danger create a high level of conflict that keeps the audience engaged.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Eddie facing multiple threats and obstacles that challenge his survival and sanity.

High Stakes: 9

The scene has high stakes as Eddie faces terrifying and grotesque characters in a dark and eerie setting. The danger and suspense are heightened, creating a sense of urgency and fear for the protagonist.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by escalating the stakes and setting up future conflicts with the introduction of the leprous hobo and Pennywise. It adds depth to the narrative and sets the stage for further developments.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected appearance of Pennywise and the leprous hobo, adding a sense of danger and uncertainty.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the themes of fear, sickness, and the unknown. Eddie's encounter with the hobo and Pennywise challenges his beliefs about safety and reality.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene has a high emotional impact due to the terror, disgust, and anxiety it evokes in the audience. The vulnerability of the protagonist and the grotesque nature of the characters create a sense of dread and fear.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the terror and disgust of the encounter with the leprous hobo and Pennywise. It adds to the atmosphere and tension of the scene, enhancing the overall sense of fear.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense atmosphere, vivid descriptions, and suspenseful pacing that keeps the reader on edge.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds suspense and keeps the reader engaged, leading to a climactic and impactful resolution.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and easy to follow, adhering to the expected format for a screenplay in the horror genre.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene is well-paced and effectively builds tension, following the expected format for a horror genre scene.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension through Eddie's sense of being watched and the eerie atmosphere surrounding the House on 29 Neibolt Street. The description of the house as resembling Munch's 'The Scream' is a strong visual metaphor that enhances the horror elements.
  • Eddie's internal conflict is well-established, particularly his anxiety about his pills and the fear of being judged by his mother. This adds depth to his character and makes the audience empathize with his plight.
  • The introduction of the hobo is unsettling and serves as a physical manifestation of Eddie's fears. However, the description of the hobo's hand and appearance, while vivid, may border on excessive. It risks overshadowing the emotional impact of the encounter by focusing too much on grotesque details.
  • The dialogue from the hobo is effective in creating a sense of dread, but it could benefit from being more concise. The hobo's lines could be trimmed to maintain the scene's pacing and keep the focus on Eddie's reaction.
  • The transition from the hobo to Pennywise is well-executed, but the moment could be heightened by adding more sensory details about Eddie's fear and the atmosphere around him. For instance, describing the sounds or smells could amplify the tension.
  • The ending, where Eddie takes a puff from his inhaler, is a good character moment that reinforces his vulnerability. However, it could be more impactful if it were tied back to his earlier anxiety about the pills, creating a stronger thematic connection.
Suggestions
  • Consider reducing the level of detail in the hobo's description to maintain focus on Eddie's emotional state and the horror of the encounter. Aim for a balance between vivid imagery and narrative flow.
  • Streamline the hobo's dialogue to make it more impactful. Shortening his lines could enhance the tension and keep the audience engaged without losing the character's unsettling nature.
  • Add more sensory details to the scene, such as sounds or smells, to create a more immersive experience for the audience. This could help convey the atmosphere of dread more effectively.
  • Strengthen the connection between Eddie's inhaler use and his earlier anxiety about the pills. This could be done by having him reflect on his fears or the implications of needing the inhaler in this moment of terror.
  • Consider incorporating a brief moment of internal monologue from Eddie as he encounters the hobo and Pennywise. This could provide insight into his thoughts and fears, enhancing the emotional weight of the scene.



Scene 12 -  Dinner of Secrets
INT. HANLON HOUSE - NIGHT

Mike picks at his food. Leroy studies him. Half-amused.

LEROY
Long day?

Mike. Lost in thought.

LEROY (CONT’D)
Something happen while you were out
on collections?

Says that like he already knows the answer. Which is why Mike
glances up at him. For a small moment.

LEROY (CONT’D)
Saw your bike. You have another run
in with the Bowers boy? Or is it
something else...

MIKE
Something else like what?

LEROY
Dunno. You tell me.

And right before we think Mike is going to confide in his
grandfather, he stops. Has questions of his own:


MIKE
Why do we live outside of town? Is
it because of the Bowers?

LEROY
No. We live out here because I want
the best for my grandson. See, it’s
not just the Bowers that ain’t
right... It’s that whole town
that’s wrong...

Before going further, he pauses to consider his grandson. Is
he old enough? He decides. Sets down his fork. He leans in.
It’s time for him to learn the truth about Derry:

LEROY (CONT’D)
Do you know what a haunt is?
Genres: ["Horror","Drama"]

Summary During a tense dinner at his grandfather Leroy's house, Mike appears distracted and troubled, prompting Leroy to inquire about his day and the Bowers boy. Instead of opening up, Mike shifts the conversation to their living situation, hinting at deeper concerns about the town. Leroy explains their location is for Mike's benefit and suggests the town is flawed. He prepares to reveal unsettling truths about Derry, asking Mike if he knows what a haunt is, setting the stage for a pivotal moment of revelation.
Strengths
  • Building suspense
  • Revealing important information
  • Establishing a dark atmosphere
Weaknesses
  • Lack of immediate action or conflict

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively builds suspense and reveals crucial information about the town's dark history, setting the stage for future developments.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of haunts and the dark secrets of Derry add depth to the story and create a sense of mystery and danger.

Plot: 8

The plot is advanced by revealing crucial information about the town's history and setting up future conflicts and developments.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the theme of family secrets and small-town mysteries, with well-developed characters and authentic dialogue that adds depth to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters of Mike and Leroy are developed through their interaction, revealing their relationship and adding layers to their personalities.

Character Changes: 7

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the revelation of the town's dark secrets may impact the characters' development in the future.

Internal Goal: 8

Mike's internal goal in this scene is to uncover the truth about his family's history and the reasons for living outside of town. This reflects his desire for understanding and his fear of the unknown.

External Goal: 7

Mike's external goal is to navigate the challenges and conflicts within his family and the town of Derry. This reflects his immediate circumstances and the obstacles he faces in his environment.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7.5

The conflict is subtly hinted at through the conversation about haunts, setting up future conflicts and challenges for the characters.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting beliefs and motivations between the characters that create obstacles and challenges for the protagonist.

High Stakes: 8

The revelation of haunts and the dark secrets of Derry raises the stakes for the characters and foreshadows the dangers they will face.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by revealing crucial information about the town's history and setting up future plot developments.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in the dialogue and the shifting dynamics between the characters, keeping the audience guessing about the outcome.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the idea of family loyalty versus the truth. Leroy believes in protecting Mike from the dark secrets of the town, while Mike seeks to uncover the truth and understand his family's history.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a sense of foreboding and tension, engaging the audience emotionally and setting a dark tone for the story.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue effectively conveys the tension and reveals important information about the town's dark past.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the suspenseful dialogue, the conflict between characters, and the gradual reveal of secrets that keeps the audience invested in the story.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and suspense, with a gradual reveal of information that keeps the audience engaged and eager to learn more.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of the scene is clear and easy to follow, with effective use of dialogue and action descriptions to convey the characters' emotions and motivations.

Structure: 9

The scene follows the expected structure for a dramatic family confrontation, with a slow build-up of tension and a significant reveal at the end.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes a tense atmosphere between Mike and Leroy, hinting at deeper issues within the town of Derry. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext to enhance the emotional stakes. Leroy's questions seem somewhat leading, which could make the interaction feel less organic. Instead, consider allowing Mike to express his concerns more naturally, which would create a more authentic exchange.
  • Leroy's character is intriguing, but his motivations and the weight of his knowledge about Derry could be more pronounced. The line about wanting the best for Mike feels somewhat generic. Adding a personal anecdote or a specific reason for their isolation could deepen Leroy's character and provide more context for Mike's questions.
  • The transition from Mike's internal conflict to his questions about living outside of town feels abrupt. It would be more impactful if Mike's thoughts about the Bowers were more explicitly connected to his feelings about Derry. This would create a smoother flow and reinforce the theme of fear and isolation.
  • The scene ends on a cliffhanger with Leroy about to reveal the truth about Derry, which is effective for building suspense. However, the phrase 'Do you know what a haunt is?' could be more engaging if it were framed in a way that reflects Mike's fears or experiences. This would create a stronger emotional connection and anticipation for the revelation.
  • The pacing of the scene is generally good, but it could be improved by varying the rhythm of the dialogue. Some lines feel too similar in length and structure, which can make the conversation feel flat. Introducing pauses or interruptions could enhance the tension and reflect the characters' emotional states more vividly.
Suggestions
  • Revise Leroy's dialogue to include more personal anecdotes or specific reasons for their living situation, which would add depth to his character and the narrative.
  • Allow Mike to express his concerns about the Bowers and Derry more organically, perhaps by incorporating his feelings of fear or frustration into the conversation.
  • Consider rephrasing Leroy's question about haunts to tie it more closely to Mike's experiences or fears, enhancing the emotional weight of the moment.
  • Introduce varied pacing in the dialogue to create a more dynamic conversation, using pauses or interruptions to reflect the tension between the characters.
  • Add visual elements or actions that reflect Mike's internal struggle, such as him fidgeting with his food or looking out the window, to enhance the scene's emotional resonance.



Scene 13 -  Mischief in the Kitchen
INT. EDDIE’S KITCHEN - DAY

While Eddie watches, Bill and Richie raid the kitchen like
feral animals, stuffing Capri Suns, a bag of marshmallows,
whatever snacks they can find into their backpacks.

EDDIE
What if someone catches us--

BILL
It’s the public works. We’re the
public, aren’t we?

One cabinet is FULL OF PILLS. Ignoring that, the boys collect
their things and head into the

LIVING ROOM

On their way out the Front Door. MRS. KASPBRAK, an enormous
300-pound woman, is stuffed into a recliner. Muumuu. Moles.
Curlers. Painting her nails as her eyes are glued to Donahue
on their small Zenith TV. Maybe she won’t notice them leav--

MRS. KASPBRAK
Eddie-bear --

Damnit. She did.

MRS. KASPBRAK (CONT’D)
-- where you boys off to in such a
rush...?

Eddie to Bill and Richie: Help. Please.


BILL
Uh, just my b-backyard, Mrs. K. We
got a new badminton set.

She looks them over, assessing whether this is a lie.

MRS. KASPBRAK
Okay, but sweetie don’t go rolling
around on the grass. Especially if
it’s just been cut. You know how
your allergies can get.

EDDIE
Yes, ma.

BILL
I’ll take good care of him, Mrs. K.

Almost home free but --

MRS. KASPBRAK
Eddie? Aren’t you forgetting
something?

Eddie slumps. Knows exactly what he’s forgetting. He trudges
over to his Mother. As the other boys watch. Kisses his
Mother on the cheek. She smiles.

RICHIE
Want one from me too, Mrs. K?

Bill chokes down laughter. Mrs. Kaspbrak shoots a look at
Richie. Like, you wish. On their way out --

EDDIE
Knock it off, Rich.
Genres: ["Horror","Coming of Age"]

Summary In Eddie's kitchen, Bill and Richie sneak snacks while Eddie anxiously worries about his mother's expectations. They encounter Mrs. Kaspbrak, who is distracted by a TV show, leading to a humorous exchange where Eddie reluctantly kisses her goodbye, fulfilling her wishes, while Richie attempts to get a kiss too but is rebuffed. The scene captures the tension between Eddie's desire for freedom and his mother's controlling nature, blending humor with a sense of obligation.
Strengths
  • Humorous dialogue
  • Character dynamics
  • Tension building
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development
  • Low stakes

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.2

The scene effectively balances humor, tension, and character dynamics, providing insight into the boys' relationships and setting up potential conflicts.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the boys sneaking out and interacting with Eddie's mother is engaging and relatable, adding layers to the characters and setting up potential conflicts in the story.

Plot: 8

The plot progresses as the boys prepare for an adventure, setting up potential conflicts with Eddie's mother and establishing the dynamics between the characters.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh take on the coming-of-age genre by exploring the dynamics of a close-knit family and the challenges of adolescence.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters are well-developed, with distinct personalities and interactions that drive the scene forward. Eddie's mother adds a layer of complexity and humor to the dynamics.

Character Changes: 7

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the interactions and dynamics between the characters hint at potential growth and conflicts in the future.

Internal Goal: 8

Eddie's internal goal is to avoid getting caught by his mother and to maintain his independence and autonomy.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to sneak out of the house without getting caught by his mother.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7.5

The conflict between the boys trying to sneak out and Eddie's mother's awareness creates tension and humor in the scene, setting up potential conflicts for the future.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create conflict and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and unsure of the outcome.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are relatively low in this scene, focusing more on humor, tension, and character dynamics. However, the potential conflicts with Eddie's mother hint at higher stakes to come.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by establishing the boys' preparations for an adventure, introducing potential conflicts, and deepening the relationships between the characters.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in the dialogue and the characters' actions.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between Eddie's desire for independence and his mother's overprotectiveness. It challenges Eddie's beliefs about his own capabilities and his need to assert his autonomy.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7.5

The scene evokes a sense of nostalgia, humor, and tension, engaging the audience emotionally and setting the stage for deeper character development.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is witty, humorous, and reflective of the characters' personalities. It adds depth to the scene and enhances the interactions between the boys and Eddie's mother.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the tension between the characters, the humor in their interactions, and the relatable family dynamics.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension gradually and allowing for moments of humor and reflection.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with proper scene headings, dialogue formatting, and action descriptions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a character-driven drama, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the playful yet rebellious spirit of childhood, showcasing the camaraderie between Eddie, Bill, and Richie. However, the humor could be enhanced by incorporating more specific, character-driven dialogue that reflects their personalities and relationships. For instance, Richie could make a more outrageous joke that highlights his comedic role within the group.
  • The description of Mrs. Kaspbrak is vivid and paints a clear picture of her character, but it risks veering into caricature. While her physicality is important, consider adding depth to her character by hinting at her backstory or motivations. This could create a more nuanced portrayal rather than a one-dimensional figure.
  • The tension between Eddie's desire for independence and his mother's overprotectiveness is well-established, but the stakes could be raised. Perhaps Eddie could express more internal conflict about leaving, which would heighten the emotional impact of his interactions with his mother.
  • The transition from the kitchen to the living room feels abrupt. A brief moment of reflection or a shared glance between the boys could enhance the emotional weight of their actions, emphasizing their bond and the thrill of rebellion against parental authority.
  • The dialogue could benefit from more subtext. For example, when Mrs. Kaspbrak asks Eddie where he's going, there could be an underlying tension that suggests she knows more than she lets on about the dangers outside, which would add layers to their interaction.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment where Eddie hesitates before leaving, showcasing his internal struggle between wanting to please his mother and his desire for freedom. This could create a more relatable character arc.
  • Enhance Richie's comedic lines to make them more memorable and reflective of his character. Perhaps he could reference a pop culture moment or make a pun related to the snacks they are stealing.
  • Introduce a small detail that hints at Mrs. Kaspbrak's own fears or insecurities, which could create a more complex dynamic between her and Eddie. This could be a line about her own childhood or a comment about the dangers of the outside world.
  • Add a brief moment of camaraderie between the boys as they prepare to leave, such as a shared joke or a secret handshake, to reinforce their friendship and make their rebellion feel more united.
  • Consider ending the scene with a stronger visual or emotional beat, such as a lingering shot of Eddie looking back at his mother as he leaves, which could encapsulate the bittersweet nature of growing up and leaving childhood behind.



Scene 14 -  Echoes of Isolation
INT. DERRY LIBRARY - READING ROOM - LATER

Green globes, curved iron staircases, shadowy charm. Ben sits
at one of the long tables. Outside the Window, he sees --

Bill, Richie, Eddie and Stanley pedal past. A sharp reminder
of his solitary state. He looks down at a POSTCARD. Reads the
poem he’s written on it:

BEN
Your hair is winter fire/ January
Embers/ My heart burns there, too

Satisfied, he addresses the postcard to “Bev Marsh” when --

THUMP!


Pointy-nosed MRS STARRET, 40s, slaps a dusty old book on the
table next to Ben. He jumps, startled. Jeezus...

MRS. STARRET
Found it. It was behind the
radiator in the basement.

BEN
Thank you, Mrs. Starret. Why wasn’t
it in the stacks?

He goes for it but Mrs. Starret slides it back. Out of reach.

MRS. STARRET
Isn’t it summer vacation? I would
think you’d be ready to take a
break from the books.

BEN
I like it in here.

He glances at a newspaper on a table there, a headline with a
grisly photo reads: “BODY FOUND BY CANAL NOT CORCORAN BOY”

BEN (CONT’D)
My mom works two jobs so it’s
better than being home alone.

MRS. STARRET
A boy should be spending his summer
outside with friends. Don’t you
have any friends?

BEN
Can I have the book now?

MOMENTS LATER

Ben slides the dusty old book to him, its jacket reads: “A
HISTORY OF OLD DERRY BY BRANSON BUDDINGER.”

He flips through pages. Through history. Renderings of Early
Penobscot settlements. Looting by the British in 1812.
Sawmill boom soon after. And then PHOTOGRAPHS. Like this one:

Children at the OLD IRONWORKS, in their Easter best holding
baskets of eggs, gathered around a CIRCUS WAGON. Whatever
they are looking at, entertained by, is just out of sight.

He turns the page and is greeted with a HEADLINE:

EASTER EXPLOSION KILLS 88 CHILDREN, 102 TOTAL


Underneath, another PHOTOGRAPH of the Ironworks. Or what’s
left of it. Which isn’t much. He turns the page to find --

A PHOTOGRAPH.

Townspeople surround a tree. Pointing up at something in its
branches, with varied versions of horrified expressions.

What is it? There in the branches?

Ben turns the page. Same Picture. Almost. Because we’re
CLOSER now to the object in the tree. Ben turns the page
again. CLOSER. Another page. CLOSER. Another. CLOSER.

This continues until we’re right in the branches with --

THE DECAPITATED HEAD OF A SMALL CHILD.

Ben slams the book shut and pushes it away. He looks around
the library, spooked. Mrs. Starret blithely stamps books
behind her desk. Everyone goes about their business.

But what about --

THAT PINK EASTER EGG

At the top of the stairs leading to the Archives.

Does no one else see it?

Curious, Ben gets up from the table. Grabs his postcard and
stuffs it into his pocket. Eyes on the egg. Walks over.

He picks the egg up. Hefts it.

Ben looks around, getting the uneasy sense he’s being
watched. He’s about to turn back when he sees --

AT THE BOTTOM OF THE STAIRS

ANOTHER EASTER EGG. Yellow. With a RED BALLOON tied around
it. Ben goes down into the

ARCHIVES ROOM

Even in the daytime it’s dark. So there’s no telling what
stalks the labyrinthine aisles with high-walled shelves.

Ben picks up the yellow egg. Stares at it. Considering.

VOICE (O.S.)
That one is mine!


A SMALL HAND snatches the Easter Egg from Ben. Startles the
hell out of him. He sees a BOY, 8, disappear down an aisle.

He’s carrying an Easter Egg Basket and wears a Knicker Suit,
as was the style at the beginning of last century.

BEN
Wait!

Ben chases after him.

Loses him in the aisles. But a growing sense of fear as he
rounds the corners. What was that? And that?

Noises. Fade. Shadows. Creep.

Ben finds himself back at the beginning.

Crack.

Like a dropped egg.

Ben looks over at the stairs. Yolk oozes down a step.

BOY
Look what I found, Benny.

From the top, the Boy takes a step down. Only his legs are
visible, the rest of him obscured by the overhang.

He takes another step. Wobbly, like he might fall. A little
more of him is revealed. No basket. So he uses the crook of
his arm for his eggs. Not the best way to transport ‘em and --

Crack.

One more egg gone.

He takes another step down. Revealing his torso. And then
another step, revealing --

The Boy. Headless. Little wisps of smoke curl up into the
air, coming out of the gaping hole that used to be his neck.
He takes another step and loses the other eggs.

Crackcrackcrackcrack...

Ben takes off running into the aisles. Boy chases. Ben
screams, running as fast as his fat legs can take him. Until
he runs right into --

Mrs. Starrett.


MRS. STARRETT
I think it’s time you leave.

Ben. Catching his breath. Looks behind him. No sign of the
Headless Boy. Or the eggs.
Genres: ["Horror","Mystery","Historical"]

Summary In the Derry Library's reading room, Ben grapples with his loneliness while writing a poem for Beverly. His solitude is interrupted by Mrs. Starret, who presents a dusty book filled with disturbing historical images, including a decapitated child's head. As he investigates further, he encounters a mysterious boy in a knicker suit who snatches an Easter egg from him, leading to a chilling chase that culminates in a terrifying sighting of a headless boy. The scene concludes with Mrs. Starret urging Ben to leave, leaving him shaken and confused by the supernatural encounter.
Strengths
  • Effective use of atmosphere to create tension
  • Intriguing blend of horror, mystery, and historical elements
  • Compelling introduction of supernatural elements
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development in this specific scene
  • Dialogue could be more impactful in certain moments

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.7

The scene effectively builds tension and intrigue through its eerie setting, supernatural elements, and historical references. It keeps the audience engaged and curious about the unfolding mysteries.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of blending horror, mystery, and historical elements in a library setting is innovative and engaging. The scene effectively introduces supernatural elements while exploring the dark history of Derry.

Plot: 8.5

The plot of the scene revolves around the discovery of eerie Easter eggs, a headless boy, and historical photographs, adding layers of mystery and suspense. It effectively sets up the supernatural elements and builds tension.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh and chilling take on childhood innocence and historical horrors, with unexpected twists and a haunting atmosphere that sets it apart from conventional horror narratives.


Character Development

Characters: 8.2

The characters in the scene, particularly Ben and Mrs. Starret, are well-developed and contribute to the overall atmosphere of fear and mystery. Their interactions add depth to the narrative and enhance the sense of unease.

Character Changes: 8

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the introduction of supernatural elements and historical revelations could potentially impact the characters' beliefs and actions in future scenes.

Internal Goal: 8

Ben's internal goal in this scene is to find solace and escape from his lonely home life by immersing himself in books and history.

External Goal: 7

Ben's external goal is to investigate the mysterious Easter eggs and the strange occurrences in the library archives.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8.3

The scene contains a high level of conflict, primarily driven by the supernatural elements and the characters' reactions to the eerie events unfolding. The tension and fear are palpable, keeping the audience on edge.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with mysterious events, supernatural encounters, and a sense of impending danger that creates suspense and uncertainty for the protagonist.

High Stakes: 8

The scene establishes high stakes through the introduction of supernatural elements, historical mysteries, and the characters' reactions to the eerie events. The sense of danger and fear is heightened, keeping the audience engaged.

Story Forward: 9

The scene effectively moves the story forward by introducing key supernatural elements, historical revelations, and building tension and suspense. It sets the stage for further exploration of the mysteries in Derry.

Unpredictability: 9

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists, eerie encounters, and supernatural elements that defy conventional expectations and keep the audience guessing.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the themes of history, childhood innocence, and the darkness that lurks beneath the surface of seemingly ordinary places.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.9

The scene has a significant emotional impact on the audience, evoking fear, curiosity, and shock. The eerie atmosphere, supernatural elements, and historical references create a sense of unease and suspense.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the characters' emotions and reactions to the supernatural events unfolding. It adds to the suspense and fear by revealing their inner thoughts and fears.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its suspenseful atmosphere, mysterious events, and the gradual reveal of supernatural elements that keep the audience on edge.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, leading to a climactic encounter with the supernatural that keeps the audience engaged and on edge.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene adheres to the expected format for a horror genre screenplay, effectively conveying the eerie atmosphere and escalating tension through visual descriptions and dialogue.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a well-paced structure that builds tension and suspense, leading to a climactic encounter with the supernatural.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes a sense of isolation for Ben, contrasting his solitary experience in the library with the camaraderie of his friends outside. This emotional setup is crucial for the audience to empathize with Ben's character.
  • The dialogue between Ben and Mrs. Starret serves to highlight Ben's discomfort and the pressure he feels from adults, which adds depth to his character. However, Mrs. Starret's character could be fleshed out more; her motivations for pushing Ben to socialize could be clearer, making her role more impactful.
  • The transition from the mundane library setting to the horror elements is well-executed, particularly with the discovery of the disturbing photographs. The gradual buildup of tension as Ben flips through the book is effective, but the pacing could be tightened to maintain suspense.
  • The visual descriptions are vivid and create a strong atmosphere, particularly the imagery of the decapitated head. However, the scene could benefit from more sensory details to enhance the horror elements, such as sounds or smells that contribute to the eerie ambiance.
  • The introduction of the headless boy is a strong visual horror element, but the reveal could be more gradual to heighten the suspense. The pacing of Ben's chase could also be adjusted to create a more intense feeling of dread as he pursues the boy.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more internal monologue for Ben to express his feelings of loneliness and fear, which would deepen the audience's connection to him.
  • Enhance Mrs. Starret's character by providing a backstory or motivation for her concern about Ben's social life, which could create a more nuanced interaction.
  • Tighten the pacing during the transition from the library to the horror elements by reducing the number of pages Ben flips through before encountering the disturbing images.
  • Incorporate more sensory details, such as the musty smell of the library or the sound of Ben's heartbeat, to immerse the audience further into the scene's atmosphere.
  • Consider extending the chase sequence with the headless boy to build more tension, perhaps by having Ben encounter obstacles or distractions that slow him down, increasing the sense of danger.



Scene 15 -  Escape from Kissing Bridge
EXT. DERRY LIBRARY - DAY

Ben exits. Rattled. Clutching the postcard. Crosses over to

MONUMENT SQUARE

Walks by the STATUE OF THE GOVERNOR OF MAINE. Its eyes seem
to follow Ben. Sensing this, Ben meets its gaze. Unnerved.

TRAVIS (O.S.)
Where you off to, Chubs?

Fuck. Travis steps out from behind the statue. Ben stuffs the
postcard into his bag, spins around and --

Behind him, Hockstettler. Victor and Belch on either side.

HOCKSTETTLER
Can we come?


EXT. KISSING BRIDGE - MOMENTS LATER

Travis and the boys drag Ben onto the bridge. They fling Ben
against the railing and flip up his sweatshirt, exposing his
fat belly. Belch slaps it hard. Ben screams.

BELCH
Look at the cellulite!

Victor squishes it in his hands, SQUEALING like a pig.
Patrick pulls out his lighter and a can of hairspray.

HOCKSTETTLER
Let me light his hair like Michael
Jackson.

Hockstettler jettisons a fireball with his make-shift flame
thrower, just past Ben’s head.

TRAVIS
Just hold him.

Travis pulls the buck knife from his jeans. Ben’s eyes go
wide. He looks around for help.

A CAR putters down the street and crosses the bridge.


An OLD COUPLE sit in front with glazed looks. They catch eyes
with Ben. See his tears. But do nothing. As the car passes,
reveal in the backseat --

A RED BALLOON.

TRAVIS (CONT’D)
Okay, new kid. This is what us
locals call the kissing bridge.
It’s famous for two things.
Sucking face and guess what else?

Ben scans his surrounding, the bridge’s old wooden beams
CARVED UP with hundreds of hearts and names of lovers.

BEN
Wait! Travis, don’t--

In two quick motions Travis SLASHES A BRIGHT RED “T” in Ben’s
belly. Victor and Hockstettler laugh. Belch is unsettled.

BELCH
Whoa, Travis.

TRAVIS
Shut up. I’m gonna carve my whole
name on this cottage cheese.

Ben is too shocked to scream. He looks over his shoulder at
the stream behind him, then back at Travis’s bloody grin.

TRAVIS (CONT’D)
Now say it with me. What comes
after T?

Ben plants his heel in Travis’s chest and launches himself
backward over the railing, out of the grip of Victor and
Snatch. Travis is knocked back on his ass onto the pavement.
Genres: ["Horror","Drama"]

Summary Ben, shaken after leaving the Derry Library, is confronted by bullies Travis, Hockstettler, Victor, and Belch at Kissing Bridge. They humiliate him, with Travis carving a 'T' into Ben's belly. In a moment of desperation, Ben fights back, kicking Travis and escaping over the railing, leaving the bullies behind.
Strengths
  • Intense atmosphere
  • Effective portrayal of bullying
  • High emotional impact
Weaknesses
  • Graphic violence may be disturbing to some viewers

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.7

The scene effectively establishes a sense of fear and tension through the violent actions of the bullies and the vulnerability of the protagonist. The introduction of the kissing bridge adds a layer of symbolism and sets the stage for future conflicts.


Story Content

Concept: 8.6

The concept of bullying and violence in a small town setting is effectively portrayed, setting the tone for the darker themes of the story. The introduction of the kissing bridge as a significant location adds depth to the narrative.

Plot: 8.7

The plot of the scene revolves around the brutal bullying of the protagonist, showcasing the harsh realities of small-town life and setting up future conflicts. The escalation of tension and violence drives the narrative forward.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the theme of bullying and violence, portraying a dark and gritty depiction of small-town dynamics. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and contribute to the authenticity of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters are well-defined, with the bullies portrayed as cruel and menacing, while the protagonist's vulnerability and fear are palpable. The interactions between the characters drive the conflict and establish their roles in the story.

Character Changes: 8

The protagonist undergoes a significant change in the scene, transitioning from a state of vulnerability and fear to a moment of defiance and self-preservation. The traumatic experience shapes his character and sets the stage for future development.

Internal Goal: 8

Ben's internal goal in this scene is to survive the bullying and violence inflicted upon him by the locals. It reflects his deeper need for acceptance, safety, and belonging in a new environment.

External Goal: 7

Ben's external goal in this scene is to escape the physical harm being done to him by the group of boys. It reflects the immediate challenge he faces in a dangerous situation.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is intense and high-stakes, with the protagonist facing brutal bullying and violence from the antagonists. The escalating tension and physical confrontation raise the stakes and drive the emotional impact of the scene.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing physical harm and emotional distress from the bullies, creating a sense of danger and uncertainty for the audience.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes in the scene are high, with the protagonist facing physical harm and emotional trauma at the hands of the bullies. The threat of violence and the vulnerability of the character raise the stakes and create a sense of urgency.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by establishing the harsh realities of small-town life, introducing key conflicts and characters, and setting the tone for future events. The escalation of tension and violence propels the narrative forward.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected turn of events, where the protagonist takes a bold and surprising action to escape the bullies, keeping the audience guessing about the outcome.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the clash between the values of power and control versus empathy and compassion. The actions of the bullies represent a lack of empathy and a desire for dominance, while Ben's resistance shows his belief in standing up for himself and others.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking fear, shock, and anger in the audience as they witness the brutal bullying and violence. The vulnerability of the protagonist and the callousness of the bullies heighten the emotional intensity.

Dialogue: 8.2

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the cruelty and aggression of the bullies, adding to the tension and emotional impact. The sparse but impactful dialogue enhances the atmosphere of fear and intimidation.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense and suspenseful nature, keeping the audience on the edge of their seats as they witness the protagonist's struggle against the bullies.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is fast-paced and intense, effectively building tension and suspense as the confrontation escalates, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the outcome.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and concise, following the expected format for a screenplay in terms of scene descriptions, dialogue, and action lines.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for a dramatic and intense confrontation, building tension and conflict effectively.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes a sense of dread and tension through the bullying Ben faces, which is a crucial element in horror narratives. However, the transition from the library to the confrontation on Kissing Bridge feels abrupt. A smoother transition could enhance the flow and maintain the emotional weight of Ben's previous experience.
  • The dialogue captures the cruelty of the bullies well, but it could benefit from more varied language to differentiate each character's voice. For instance, Hockstettler's line about lighting Ben's hair could be more unique to his character, perhaps reflecting his personality or background.
  • The physicality of the bullying is visceral, but the emotional stakes could be heightened. Adding internal monologue or flashbacks could provide insight into Ben's feelings, making the audience empathize more with his plight. This would deepen the impact of the scene.
  • The use of the red balloon as a visual motif is effective, linking the scene to the overarching theme of fear and innocence. However, it could be more explicitly tied to Ben's emotional state. For example, the balloon could symbolize his lost childhood or the looming threat of Pennywise, enhancing the horror elements.
  • The old couple witnessing the bullying but doing nothing adds a layer of societal indifference, which is powerful. However, their presence could be expanded upon. Perhaps a brief exchange between them could illustrate their apathy or fear, reinforcing the theme of isolation that Ben experiences.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of reflection for Ben as he leaves the library, allowing the audience to feel his emotional state before the confrontation. This could be a thought about his loneliness or fear, setting the stage for the bullying.
  • Enhance the dialogue by giving each bully a distinct voice or catchphrase that reflects their personality. This will make the characters more memorable and the scene more engaging.
  • Incorporate Ben's internal thoughts during the bullying to provide depth to his character. This could be done through voiceover or brief flashbacks that highlight his fears or past experiences with bullying.
  • Utilize the red balloon more symbolically throughout the scene. Perhaps it could be a recurring visual that appears in moments of tension, reminding Ben (and the audience) of the lurking danger.
  • Expand on the old couple's reaction to the bullying. A few lines of dialogue or a moment of hesitation could emphasize the theme of societal indifference and make their presence more impactful.



Scene 16 -  The Chase and the Discovery
EXT. KENDUSKAEG STREAM - CONTINUOUS

Ben tumbles down the culvert, fetching up hard against a
fallen tree. He picks himself up as --

TRAVIS
I’m gonna cut your tits off! I
swear to fucking God.

Travis leaps over the railing with the knife, Victor, Snatch
and Hockstettler right behind.

Ben darts off across the water into a thicket of woods.


THE BARRENS

Travis trips, tangling up his whole crew. They all go
splashing down in the stream, where Travis LOSES THE KNIFE.

Travis gropes around for his lost knife, suddenly hysterical.

TRAVIS (CONT’D)
Find my knife! My old man will
kill me! You two find fattie.

Travis and Victor search the stream, hands passing right by
where the BLADE IS WEDGED UNDER A LOG.

Hockstetter and Belch take off after Ben.

CUT TO:

A VENTED IRON MANHOLE COVER. Stamped onto it is --

Derry Sewer Department

This is the Morlock Hole. A cement cylinder that sticks about
four feet out of the ground. A DRONE. Somewhere deep within.

We move beyond it to reveal,

THE BARRENS.

A messy, untamed tract of land. Big and green and wild. We
follow a trickle of water to its source --

A LARGE SEWER DRAINPIPE.

Eddie paces at the entrance. Stanley moves to join Richie
further inside, scraping a branch against its grimy
corrugated walls. Stanley turns to Eds --

STANLEY
Aren’t you coming in?

EDDIE
Uh-uh. It’s gray water.

RICHIE
What the hell’s gray water?

EDDIE
Tell ‘em Bill, what your Dad said.

Bill is deeper in the LONG CAVERNOUS SEWER PIPE, which
extends into pitch darkness. Beyond it though, you get a
sense of something lurking... something waiting...


BILL
It’s where all the wa-wa-wash water
and storm drain runoff goes.

EDDIE
It’s sewer water. Piss and shit.
I’m telling you guys you’re
splashing around in millions of
gallons of Derry pee.

Richie dips his branch in the water and sniffs the tip.

RICHIE
Smells okay to me.

Bill sees something in the muck and fishes it out.

BILL
Guys.

EDDIE
Serious. Have you ever heard of a
staff infection --

BILL
Guys!

They all shut up and turn to Bill, holding a sneaker.

STANLEY
Shit, don’t tell me that’s--

BILL
No. Georgie wore galoshes.

He flips Richie the sneaker, nods to look inside. Richie
flashes his key-ring light, sees “D. CORCORAN” written on the
sole in black marker.

EDDIE
Who’s sneaker is it?

Bill fishes it out with a branch, afraid to touch it.

RICHIE
Dorsey Corcoran.

EDDIE
Shit. For real? Oh fuck. That
totally freaks me out...


RICHIE
How do you think Dorsey feels?
Running around these woods with
only one friggin’ shoe.

The Others look at Richie: Did he really just say that?

STANLEY
What if... what if he’s still here?

They all lock eyes.

Richie picks up a stick and starts sloshing deeper into the
dark pipe where the shoe was found. Eddie stays frozen.

RICHIE
Dorsey!?

EDDIE
Really! Stop! We’re gonna get in
trouble. Richie!

RICHIE
What?

EDDIE
My mom will have an aneurism if she
finds out I was playing down here,
I’m serious.

RICHIE
Eds, you get within twenty feet of
a peanut she has a cow. Come home
with Dorsey Corcoran’s corpse, she
might actually have a whole herd.

EDDIE
That’s so not funny. Bill?

Bill, who has been uncommonly quiet, finally speaks.

BILL
If I was D-Dorsey I would want us
to find me. Georgie too.

He dumps out a bag of marshmallows and bags the shoe.

RICHIE
Who do you think is doing this?

BILL
I don’t know. Maybe this will help
us find out...


EDDIE
What if I don’t want to find out?

RICHIE
What?

EDDIE
No offense, Bill, but I don’t want
to end up like... I don’t want to
go missing either...

STANLEY
He has a point.

BILL
Y-y-you too?

STANLEY
Don’t you guys feel it? It’s like
something is out there... watching
us... like it wants us...

BILL
What are you talking about?

RICHIE
Yeah, Stan. You’re really creep --

RUSTLING.

From the bushes.

They freeze. Waiting. Wondering. Is Stanley right?

MORE RUSTLING.

A FIGURE crashes out of the brush.

Eddie falls back.

None of ‘em speak as we reveal, Ben. Barely standing before
them. Beaten. And bloody.

RICHIE (CONT’D)
Holy fuck. What happened to you?

Ben collapses.
Genres: ["Horror","Thriller","Drama"]

Summary In a tense scene set in The Barrens, Ben escapes from Travis and his crew, who are frantically pursuing him. After tumbling down a culvert and into the woods, Ben's pursuers fall into a stream while searching for Travis's lost knife. Meanwhile, Eddie, Stanley, Richie, and Bill explore a sewer drainpipe, where they find a sneaker belonging to Dorsey Corcoran, sparking fears about their surroundings. Just as they contemplate the implications of their discovery, a beaten and bloody Ben suddenly appears before them, collapsing and heightening the tension.
Strengths
  • Tension-building
  • Suspenseful atmosphere
  • Mystery elements
  • Character interactions
  • High stakes
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue could be more impactful
  • Character changes could be more pronounced

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene is well-designed with a strong concept that effectively builds tension and suspense. The execution is solid, with the setting, dialogue, and character interactions contributing to the overall atmosphere. The concept of exploring the sewers to find a missing boy adds depth to the plot and keeps the audience engaged.


Story Content

Concept: 9.5

The concept of exploring the sewers to find a missing boy is compelling and adds depth to the overall plot. The scene effectively builds on the themes of fear, mystery, and danger, keeping the audience on edge.

Plot: 9

The plot is well-developed in this scene, with the discovery of the missing boy's sneaker raising the stakes and driving the narrative forward. The conflict between the characters and the unknown entity in the sewers adds tension and suspense to the story.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the theme of childhood curiosity and danger, with unique character interactions and a sense of foreboding in the setting. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed in this scene, with each contributing to the tension and suspense of the narrative. The interactions between the characters reveal their fears and motivations, adding depth to the story.

Character Changes: 9

The characters undergo some changes in this scene, particularly in their attitudes towards the danger they face in the sewers. The discovery of the missing boy's sneaker prompts them to confront their fears and motivations, leading to some character growth.

Internal Goal: 8

Ben's internal goal in this scene is likely survival and escape from his pursuers. This reflects his deeper need for safety and security, as well as his fear of being harmed or caught.

External Goal: 7.5

Ben's external goal is to evade Travis and his crew and avoid getting caught or harmed. This reflects the immediate challenge he's facing of being pursued and threatened.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9.5

The conflict in the scene is high, with the characters facing danger in the sewers and the unknown entity lurking in the shadows. The tension and suspense are heightened by the discovery of the missing boy's sneaker, raising the stakes for the characters.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Ben facing a physical threat from Travis and his crew, as well as internal conflicts and fears. The uncertainty of the characters' fates adds to the tension and suspense.

High Stakes: 10

The stakes are high in this scene, with the characters facing danger in the sewers and the unknown entity lurking in the shadows. The discovery of the missing boy's sneaker raises the stakes even further, adding a sense of urgency and danger to the narrative.

Story Forward: 9

The scene effectively moves the story forward by introducing new elements of mystery and danger. The discovery of the missing boy's sneaker raises the stakes and adds depth to the plot, keeping the audience engaged and eager to see what happens next.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in the characters' actions and the introduction of new challenges and mysteries. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of what will happen next.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the characters' differing beliefs about danger, curiosity, and fear. Ben's reluctance to investigate further in the sewer pipe contrasts with Bill's desire to find answers and help others.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9.2

The scene has a high emotional impact, with the characters' fear, anxiety, and desperation effectively conveyed to the audience. The discovery of the missing boy's sneaker and the unknown entity in the sewers add to the overall sense of dread and suspense.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the characters' emotions, fears, and motivations. The interactions between the characters drive the plot forward and add to the overall tension and suspense.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its fast-paced action, suspenseful dialogue, and intriguing character dynamics. The sense of danger and mystery keeps the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by balancing moments of tension and action with quieter character interactions and dialogue. The rhythm of the scene keeps the audience engaged and invested in the unfolding events.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with proper scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear progression of events, character interactions, and setting descriptions.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension by juxtaposing Ben's desperate escape with the chaotic pursuit of Travis and his gang. The physicality of the chase is well-executed, creating a sense of urgency and danger. However, the dialogue could be tightened to enhance the pacing; some lines feel repetitive or overly expository, which can detract from the immediacy of the action.
  • The transition from Ben's escape to the sewer drainpipe is visually interesting, but the connection between the two locations could be clearer. The scene shifts abruptly, and while it adds to the suspense, it may confuse readers about the geography of the setting. Consider adding a brief visual or narrative cue that links the two locations more cohesively.
  • The introduction of the sneaker belonging to Dorsey Corcoran serves as a strong plot device, heightening the stakes for the characters. However, the dialogue surrounding the sneaker could be more impactful. Instead of relying on humor, which can undercut the tension, focus on the characters' fear and concern about the implications of finding the shoe.
  • The characters' reactions to the discovery of the sneaker are somewhat muted. This moment should evoke a stronger emotional response, as it ties directly to the theme of missing children and the dangers lurking in Derry. Amplifying their fear and urgency would enhance the scene's emotional weight.
  • The final reveal of Ben, beaten and bloody, is a powerful moment that effectively shifts the tone from playful banter to serious concern. However, the transition could be more gradual to maintain suspense. Consider building up the tension with more ominous foreshadowing before Ben's entrance, perhaps through subtle hints or sounds that suggest something is amiss.
Suggestions
  • Revise the dialogue to eliminate redundancy and focus on concise, impactful lines that heighten the tension. For example, instead of Travis's threats feeling repetitive, consider varying the intensity or specificity of his threats to keep the reader engaged.
  • Add a visual or narrative cue that connects Ben's escape from the culvert to the sewer drainpipe, ensuring the reader understands the geography and flow of the scene.
  • Enhance the emotional stakes surrounding the discovery of the sneaker by having the characters express their fear more vividly. This could involve them recalling stories about Dorsey or discussing the implications of finding his shoe in a more serious tone.
  • Consider incorporating more foreshadowing before Ben's entrance to build suspense. This could involve subtle sounds or movements in the bushes that hint at his arrival, creating a more gradual and suspenseful reveal.
  • Explore the dynamics between the characters more deeply during the chase. Their interactions could reflect their individual fears and personalities, adding depth to the scene and making their reactions to the sneaker discovery more poignant.



Scene 17 -  Into the Darkness
EXT. BARRENS - CONTINUOUS

Hockstetter and Belch split up. One going this way. The other
going that. Hockstetter hears commotion up ahead. The Boys.


He smiles and picks up his pace. Passing the droning Morlock
Hole as he creeps up toward the Sewer Drainpipe.

Our boys are in for it.

Hockstetter peeks through the bushes. But no sign of Ben,
Bill, Richie, Eddie or Stanley. But he hears the ECHO of --

FOOTSTEPS.

From inside the Sewer Drainpipe. SplishSplashing through the
water. Hockstetter enters the --

SEWER DRAINPIPE

HOCKSTETTER
I hear ya, fattie.

He giggles, excited by the chase. It bounces off and around
the sewer walls. As he steps further in.

Approaching the darkness, Hockstetter pulls out his LIGHTER
and his can of HAIRSPRAY. Flicks the lighter. Presses down on
the spray can valve and --

Whooosh!

A flickering and licking long stream of flame shoots out
ahead of him. A makeshift flamethrower.

Illuminates the Sewer for an instant before --

Blackness returns.

Hockstetter takes a couple more steps. Sound of trickling
water, faint noise of distant traffic overhead. And...

...that’s not calliope music is it? For a split second I
thought I heard... Nah, never mind. Anyway --

Whoooosh!

More grey water. More slimy sewer walls. More darkness.

Hockstetter stops in a SHAFT OF SHARPLY SLICED SUNLIGHT,
shining through the SEWER GRATE directly above him.

He listens.

Something there. In the darkness beyond. PitterPatter of
Footsteps. Wet, raspy breathing. Sniffling.

He steps out of the light and into the dark.


HOCKSTETTER (CONT’D)
Don’t think you can stay down here
all damn day now!

Whoooosh!

Nothing. Darkness returns and an eerie silence settles in.

Whooooosh! Whoa --

DEAD CHILDREN.

Surround Hockstetter. Staring at him. Their eyes lit by the
orange flame. Or is that orange glow coming from within them?

Can’t tell. Happens all too quick before their cloaked again
in the black nothingness of the sewer.

Hockstetter quickly flickers the lighter.

A soft glow.

Holds up the spray can. Presses down. But it doesn’t work. So
he RATTLErattleRATTLES it. Like a rattlesnake about to
strike. Sound amplified by the tunnels.

Whooosh!

MORE DEAD CHILDREN. And standing among them...

Pennywise.

His smile begins to grow, as his jaw becomes unhinged.
Revealing rows and rows of teeth right before --

Blackness returns.

Hockstetter about to flick his lighter again but instead --

Crunch.

He SCREAMS.

Hear his FOOTSTEPS.

Running.

We don’t see him again until he stumbles and falls into
another SHAFT OF LIGHT. He looks chewed and spit out. Like a
bad piece of gristly meat.

He looks up into the light.


HOCKSTETTER (CONT’D)
HELP! DOWN HERE! HELP!
Genres: ["Horror","Thriller"]

Summary Hockstetter, driven by excitement, pursues the Boys into a dark sewer drainpipe, armed with a makeshift flamethrower. As he navigates the eerie darkness, he encounters ghostly dead children and the menacing figure of Pennywise, which sends him into a panic. The scene culminates with Hockstetter, disheveled and terrified, calling for help after his horrifying experience.
Strengths
  • Effective use of atmosphere and setting to create fear
  • Compelling introduction of supernatural elements
  • Strong visual and auditory cues to build tension
Weaknesses
  • Minimal character development
  • Limited dialogue

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene is highly effective in creating a sense of terror and suspense, with a strong focus on building fear through the unknown and supernatural elements present in the sewer setting.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of exploring the dark and mysterious sewer setting, with the presence of Pennywise and supernatural elements, is compelling and effectively executed.

Plot: 8.5

The plot progression in this scene focuses on building tension and fear, advancing the narrative by introducing new threats and escalating the danger faced by the characters.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces unique and chilling elements such as the appearance of dead children and Pennywise, as well as the use of a makeshift flamethrower in the sewer. The dialogue and actions of the characters feel authentic and contribute to the suspenseful and eerie atmosphere of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

While the focus is more on the setting and atmosphere, the characters' reactions to the terrifying events help to heighten the sense of fear and danger in the scene.

Character Changes: 7

While there is not significant character development in this scene, the characters' reactions to the terrifying events showcase their resilience and fear in the face of danger.

Internal Goal: 8

Hockstetter's internal goal is to capture or confront the Boys, as indicated by his excitement and determination in chasing after them. This reflects his desire for power and control over others.

External Goal: 7

Hockstetter's external goal is to catch the Boys and potentially harm them, driven by his loyalty to Pennywise and his desire to please him.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is intense and palpable, with the characters facing a life-threatening situation and supernatural entities that heighten the stakes.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Hockstetter facing supernatural threats and the unknown dangers of the sewer. The audience is left uncertain of the outcome, adding to the suspense and tension of the scene.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in this scene, with the characters facing mortal danger from Pennywise and the supernatural entities in the sewer, adding a sense of urgency and peril.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by escalating the danger faced by the characters and introducing new supernatural elements that will impact the narrative.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the sudden appearance of dead children and Pennywise, as well as the unexpected turn of events with Hockstetter's encounter in the sewer. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of what will happen next.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the themes of fear, power, and the supernatural. Hockstetter's actions and encounter with Pennywise challenge his beliefs and values, as he is confronted with the terrifying consequences of his actions.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions of fear, dread, and anxiety in the audience, creating a visceral and memorable experience.

Dialogue: 7

Dialogue is minimal in this scene, with the emphasis placed on visual and auditory cues to create a sense of horror and suspense.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense and suspenseful atmosphere, the presence of supernatural elements, and the high stakes faced by the characters. The reader is drawn into the tension and danger of the situation, eager to see how it unfolds.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a gradual build-up of tension and suspense leading to a climactic encounter with Pennywise. The rhythm of the scene keeps the reader engaged and invested in the characters' fates.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene adheres to the expected format for a horror screenplay, with clear scene descriptions, character actions, and dialogue. The use of visual and auditory cues enhances the reader's understanding of the setting and events.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format that effectively builds tension and suspense, leading to a climactic encounter with Pennywise. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness in conveying the horror and danger faced by the characters.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension through Hockstetter's exploration of the sewer drainpipe, utilizing sensory details like the sound of footsteps and the eerie atmosphere. However, the pacing could be improved by allowing more moments of suspense before revealing the dead children and Pennywise. This would enhance the horror element and keep the audience on edge.
  • The dialogue from Hockstetter feels somewhat forced and lacks depth. His taunts could be more menacing or reflective of his character's personality, rather than just a generic insult. This would help to establish his character more clearly and make the audience feel more invested in his fate.
  • The visual descriptions are vivid, particularly the imagery of the dead children and the flickering flame. However, the transition between the light and darkness could be more pronounced to emphasize the horror of the unknown. Consider using more metaphoric language to enhance the emotional impact of the visuals.
  • The scene's climax, where Hockstetter encounters the dead children and Pennywise, feels rushed. The buildup to this moment could be extended to create a more gradual sense of dread. Allowing Hockstetter to linger in the darkness, hearing unsettling sounds before the reveal, would amplify the fear factor.
  • The ending, where Hockstetter screams for help, is effective but could benefit from a stronger emotional resonance. Adding a moment of realization or regret before he runs could deepen the audience's connection to his character, making his fate more impactful.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more internal monologue or thoughts from Hockstetter to give insight into his character and heighten the tension as he explores the sewer.
  • Enhance the dialogue to reflect Hockstetter's personality more distinctly, perhaps by incorporating dark humor or a sense of bravado that contrasts with the horror he is about to face.
  • Extend the buildup to the reveal of the dead children and Pennywise by incorporating more sensory details and sounds that create an unsettling atmosphere, allowing the audience to feel the tension before the climax.
  • Use metaphoric language to describe the darkness and the sewer environment, which can enhance the emotional weight of the scene and make it more immersive.
  • Consider adding a moment of hesitation or fear in Hockstetter's actions before he encounters the dead children, which could create a more dramatic and impactful moment when he realizes the danger he is in.



Scene 18 -  The Descent into Darkness
EXT. KANSAS STREET - CONTINUOUS

On the Sewer Grate. As cars drive past and pedestrians walk
by. No one hears the horrible screams. Except for us.

And only because we know it’s there.


INT. SEWER - CONTINUOUS

Hockstetter looks behind him. Something fast approaching. He
gets back to his feet. Runs as fast as he’s able.

In and out of periodic light.

Stumbles again. Tripping over a RUSTED, BROKEN PIPE. He picks
it up. Turns.

HOCKSTETTER
COME ON! COME ON! LET’S GO!

He waits. Ready to throw down. Sees something slowly approach
in the darkness. Can’t make it out yet... but then barely...

A RED BALLOON floats toward him.

Only stops when it gets right up to his bleeding, bruising
face. So he can see something written on the other side.

He rotates the balloon to read --

I LOVE DERRY!

POP!

Balloon breaks.

Pennywise right behind it.

Hockstetter opens his mouth to scream.

Pennywise lunges.

Dragging Hockstetter back into the blackness for good.


EXT. RICHARD’S ALLEY - CONTINUOUS

The kids tear into the alley, dazed and bloody Ben riding
double with Richie, bikes clattering to the pavement.


BILL
You guys wait here.

Bill, Eddie and Stanley disappear around the block.
Genres: ["Horror","Thriller"]

Summary In a dark Kansas sewer, Hockstetter is pursued by an unseen threat, desperately wielding a rusted pipe for defense. He encounters a foreboding red balloon that ominously floats towards him, bearing the message 'I LOVE DERRY' before it pops. Just as the balloon bursts, Pennywise appears, dragging Hockstetter into the darkness, sealing his fate in a tense and horrifying moment.
Strengths
  • Effective use of darkness and suspense
  • Terrifying encounter with Pennywise
  • Building tension and fear
Weaknesses
  • Minimal character development
  • Limited dialogue

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively creates a sense of terror and suspense, with a strong focus on building fear through the encounter with Pennywise and the ominous setting. The use of darkness and the unexpected appearance of the red balloon enhance the overall impact of the scene.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene, focusing on fear, darkness, and the supernatural presence of Pennywise, is well-developed and effectively realized. The use of the red balloon with the message 'I LOVE DERRY!' adds a unique and chilling element to the scene.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene revolves around the encounter with Pennywise and the escalating sense of terror and danger. The scene effectively advances the overall narrative by introducing a significant threat and raising the stakes for the characters.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the horror genre by combining elements of supernatural terror with psychological fear. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 7.5

While the focus is more on building fear and suspense than on character development, Hockstetter's fear and Pennywise's menacing presence are portrayed effectively, adding depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 7

While Hockstetter experiences a significant change in the scene through his encounter with Pennywise, the focus is more on building fear and tension than on character development.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is likely survival and escape from the imminent danger posed by Pennywise. This reflects their deeper fear of death and the unknown.

External Goal: 9

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to physically escape from Pennywise and the dangerous situation in the sewer. This reflects the immediate challenge they are facing.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is intense and palpable, with Hockstetter facing a terrifying threat in the form of Pennywise. The danger and suspense are heightened by the escalating sense of fear and the character's desperate attempts to escape.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the characters facing a powerful and terrifying adversary in Pennywise. The audience is kept on edge as they wonder how the characters will overcome this threat.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in the scene, with Hockstetter facing a life-threatening situation and the characters confronting a terrifying supernatural presence. The danger and sense of impending doom create a sense of urgency and fear.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing a major threat in the form of Pennywise and raising the stakes for the characters. It sets the stage for further developments and challenges to come.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected appearance of Pennywise and the sudden turn of events that lead to a shocking conclusion.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the fear of the unknown and the inevitability of death. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs about their own mortality and the existence of supernatural forces.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene has a strong emotional impact, evoking fear, dread, and suspense in the audience. The encounter with Pennywise and the sense of impending danger create a visceral reaction that lingers after the scene has ended.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue in the scene is minimal but serves to heighten the sense of fear and tension. The use of Hockstetter's panicked exclamations and Pennywise's silent but menacing presence adds to the overall atmosphere.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense action, suspenseful atmosphere, and the imminent threat posed by Pennywise. The audience is drawn into the characters' struggle for survival.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building suspense and maintaining a sense of urgency as the characters face imminent danger and make critical decisions.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene follows the expected formatting for a horror genre screenplay, with clear scene headings, action lines, and dialogue that enhance the suspenseful atmosphere.

Structure: 9

The scene follows the expected structure for a horror genre screenplay, with a buildup of tension, a climax of terror, and a resolution that leaves the audience on edge.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension through the use of sound and visual imagery, particularly with the juxtaposition of the mundane world above and the horror below. The screams that go unheard by the pedestrians create a chilling atmosphere, emphasizing the isolation of Hockstetter's predicament.
  • The use of the red balloon as a symbol is powerful, as it ties back to Pennywise's character and serves as a visual cue for the audience. However, the transition from the balloon to Pennywise's appearance could be more gradual to heighten suspense. The sudden pop feels abrupt and could benefit from a more drawn-out moment of dread.
  • Hockstetter's dialogue, while expressing his fear, lacks depth. It would be more impactful if he had a moment of introspection or a line that reveals his character's motivations or fears, making the audience empathize with him more.
  • The pacing of the scene is quick, which works for the horror genre, but it may leave some viewers wanting more buildup. A few additional beats of Hockstetter's panic or hesitation could enhance the emotional weight of the moment.
  • The final moment where Pennywise drags Hockstetter into the darkness is effective, but it could be more visually striking. Describing the physical sensations Hockstetter experiences as he is pulled away could amplify the horror and make the moment more visceral.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment where Hockstetter reflects on his situation or expresses a specific fear before the balloon appears. This could create a stronger emotional connection with the audience.
  • Extend the moment of suspense when the balloon appears. Perhaps have Hockstetter hesitate, contemplating the balloon's presence before it pops, allowing the audience to feel the tension build.
  • Incorporate more sensory details to enhance the atmosphere. Describe the sounds of the sewer, the smell, or the feeling of the dampness around Hockstetter to immerse the audience further into the scene.
  • Explore the use of Hockstetter's internal thoughts or fears through voiceover or brief flashbacks, which could add depth to his character and make his fate more impactful.
  • Consider varying the pacing by including a moment of silence or stillness before the balloon pops, allowing the audience to anticipate the horror that is about to unfold.



Scene 19 -  Pharmacy Follies
INT. KEENE’S PHARMACY - DAY

Tampons. Lots of varieties. Too many. Beverly stares at them
all. Overwhelmed and unsure.

GRETTA (O.C.)
Dad, I’m gonna take off early...

Gretta appears from the back. Beverly turns away to hide as
her sworn enemy exits through the Front Entrance right at the
same time that Bill, Eddie, and Stanley rush in --

GRETTA (CONT’D)
Watch it, losers!

We stay with the boys as they race down one of the aisles.
Eddie snatches cotton balls and antiseptic and bandages off
the shelf like an expert. Bill checks prices.

BILL
Woah, that’s a lot of dough.

Eddie pulls out one crumbled dollar.

EDDIE
All I got.

BILL
You have an account here don’t you?

EDDIE
You crazy? My mom finds out I
bought this stuff for myself I’ll
spend the whole weekend in the
emergency room getting x-rayed.

They glance at the mirror where MR. KEENE (50s) the grumpy,
eagle-eyed pharmacist watches them like a hawk as he fills
prescriptions. Beverly comes up behind them.

BEVERLY
Where’s the fire?

STANLEY
None of your business.


EDDIE
There’s a kid outside, looks like
someone killed him.

BEVERLY
Shit. Can I help?
Genres: ["Horror","Coming of Age","Drama"]

Summary In Keene's Pharmacy, Beverly feels overwhelmed by the array of tampons while trying to avoid her rival, Gretta, who taunts the boys as they rush in. Bill, Eddie, and Stanley are on a mission to gather supplies, with Eddie worried about his mother's reaction to his purchases. Mr. Keene, the pharmacist, observes their antics closely. The scene is filled with tension and humor as Beverly offers to help after hearing about an injured kid outside, setting the stage for further interactions.
Strengths
  • Tension-building
  • Character dynamics
  • Dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development for some minor characters

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively blends genres, creates a tense atmosphere, and introduces conflict and character dynamics, making it engaging and impactful.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene, focusing on a chance encounter in a pharmacy that leads to conflict and character development, is well-executed and engaging.

Plot: 8.5

The plot advances through the introduction of conflict and the development of character relationships, setting the stage for future events.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh approach to teenage interactions in a familiar setting, with authentic dialogue and actions that feel true to the characters' motivations.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are distinct and their interactions reveal their personalities and dynamics, adding depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 8

The characters experience a shift in their dynamics and relationships, particularly Beverly's interaction with the boys, leading to potential growth and development.

Internal Goal: 8

Beverly's internal goal is to navigate her feelings of being overwhelmed and unsure in the face of her sworn enemy, Gretta, and the chaotic situation with the boys in the pharmacy.

External Goal: 7.5

The protagonist's external goal is to help the boys with the situation outside the pharmacy where a kid looks like he has been killed.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between the main characters and their adversaries creates a high level of tension and sets the stage for future developments.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the teenagers facing obstacles in helping the injured kid while avoiding trouble with their parents and Mr. Keene.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high as the characters face potential danger and conflict in a seemingly ordinary setting, adding tension and suspense.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by introducing new conflicts, deepening character relationships, and setting the stage for future events.

Unpredictability: 7.5

This scene is unpredictable because of the sudden appearance of the injured kid and the teenagers' dilemma in deciding how to help him without getting caught.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict is between the teenagers' desire to help the injured kid outside and the fear of getting in trouble with their parents or authorities. This challenges their values of loyalty and responsibility.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene evokes fear, anxiety, and tension, drawing the audience into the characters' emotions and predicaments.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is natural, engaging, and drives the scene forward, capturing the tension and emotions of the characters.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its blend of humor, tension, and mystery surrounding the injured kid outside the pharmacy.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and maintaining the audience's interest through quick exchanges of dialogue and actions.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with proper scene headings, character cues, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear character introductions, dialogue exchanges, and a buildup of tension towards the external goal.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the chaotic energy of the boys' mission while introducing Beverly's character in a vulnerable moment. However, the transition from the previous scene to this one feels abrupt. The emotional weight of Ben's escape and collapse could be better connected to Beverly's experience in the pharmacy, perhaps by having her reflect on the violence she just witnessed or by showing her concern for Ben's well-being.
  • The dialogue is snappy and captures the youthful banter among the boys, but it could benefit from more distinct character voices. For instance, Eddie's fear of his mother finding out about his purchases is relatable, but it could be enhanced with more specific details about his relationship with her or his past experiences that led to this fear.
  • Beverly's entrance is well-timed, but her interaction with the boys feels somewhat disconnected from the urgency of the situation. The line 'Where's the fire?' could be rephrased to reflect her concern for Ben or the situation outside, which would create a stronger emotional link between her and the boys.
  • The visual description of the pharmacy is minimal. Adding sensory details about the environment—like the smell of antiseptic, the fluorescent lights buzzing, or the cluttered aisles—could enhance the atmosphere and make the setting feel more immersive.
  • The scene lacks a clear sense of stakes or urgency. While the boys are on a mission, the specific reason for their rush isn't fully articulated. Clarifying what they hope to achieve in the pharmacy and how it relates to Ben's situation would heighten the tension and give the scene more purpose.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment where Beverly reflects on Ben's situation before she enters the pharmacy, creating a stronger emotional connection between her and the boys.
  • Enhance character differentiation in dialogue by giving each boy a unique way of speaking or specific phrases that reflect their personalities and backgrounds.
  • Rephrase Beverly's line to convey more urgency or concern, such as 'What’s going on? I heard someone got hurt!' to better connect her to the boys' mission.
  • Incorporate more sensory details about the pharmacy environment to create a vivid setting that immerses the reader in the scene.
  • Clarify the stakes for the boys in the pharmacy by explicitly stating what they need to accomplish and how it ties back to Ben's recent trauma, which will help maintain tension throughout the scene.



Scene 20 -  A Day at the Quarry
INT. KEENE’S PHARMACY - DAY

Beverly puts her tampons down at the counter. Mr. Keene
smiles at her.

BEVERLY
I like your glasses, Mr. Keene. You
look like Clark Kent.

MR. KEENE
(flattered)
Oh, I don’t know about that.

BEVERLY
Can I try them?

Surprised by the request, he tentatively takes them off and
hands them to Beverly. She puts them on and smiles back.

BEVERLY (CONT’D)
What do you think?

MR. KEENE
Did Lois Lane wear glasses?

She takes them off and hands them back, knocking over a
display of CIGARETTES. They clatter to the floor.

BEVERLY
Shoot. Sorry.

Mr. Keene leans down to pick them up. Beverly looks to Bill
and Eddie who grab the bandages and race out the store.


EXT. KEENE’S PHARMACY - DAY

Bev strides out. Bill waits for her by the curb under a
COLORFUL MURAL about the FBI’s ambush of the infamous Bradley
Gang, a celebrated slice of Derry town history.

BILL
Th-Thanks.

He tries to give her his crumpled bill and some change. She
flashes a pack of STOLEN CIGARETTES.


BEVERLY
Even Steven.

She looks over and sees Ben, Eddie and Richie in the alley.
Staring at her. She waves but then realizes --

BEVERLY (CONT’D)
Wait -- Ben from sosh?

ON BEN

He’s trying to decide what’s worse. Being seen like this or
being caught listening to New Kids on the Block.

Answer: Doesn’t matter. They both suck.

BEVERLY (CONT’D)
You okay? That looks like it hurts.

Trying to man up --

BEN
Nah, I’ll be fine. I just fell.

RICHIE
Right into Travis.

BILL
Sh-shut it, Richie.

RICHIE
Why? It’s the truth...

BEVERLY
Are you sure they got.. the right
stuff... to fix you up?

Ben smiles, nods. The inside joke between them eases the pain
a bit. He’s about to say something but --

BILL
W-we’ll take care of him. Thanks
again, Beverly...

BEVERLY
Sure. See you around.

They watch her walk back down the Alley and turn onto Center
Street. Bill -- like Ben -- is smitten.

STANLEY
Good going bringing up Travis,
Richie...


EDDIE
Yeah, you heard what she did.

BEN
What’d she do?

BILL
Nothing. They’re just rumors.

RICHIE
Who cares if they are or not, this
blood ain’t gonna clean itself...

They get to work on Ben.

But we PAN UP to the MURAL and notice, painted in the shadow
of one of the windows, a white face watching the ambush with
a bloodless, sinister smile. PENNYWISE.

CUT TO:


A FRESH BANDAGE.

Ben peels it away, inspecting the wound underneath.

STANLEY
How’s it looking?

BEN
Better...

They’re at

BASSEY PARK QUARRY, LOVER’S LEAP

A massive rock formation.

Ben looks at Bill, Richie, Stanley and Eddie all stripped to
their tightie-whities, standing in a line staring at the
edge, the black water foreboding, endless.

BILL
Who’s first?

RICHIE
Eddie?

EDDIE
Screw that.

Ben walks over. He wants to earn his keep.


BEN
I’ll go.

EDDIE
With those cuts you have on your
chest, I’m not sure if getting in
this water--

RICHIE
Will you stop with the grey water
shit. You make it seem like any
water we get in is like swimming in
an out-house.

BEN
What’s grey water?

RICHIE
Don’t get him started.

BILL
I’ll go first.

BEVERLY (O.C.)
Gang of sissies.

The boys turn around to see Bev stripping out of a one piece
summer dress down to her underwear. Before they can
comprehend what’s happening, she sprints off the edge and
jumps into the water. BOOM. Cannonball.

The Boys look at one another. And then one by one --

They jump.

Don’t know what color your eyes are baby but your hair is
long and brown...
Genres: ["Drama","Coming-of-age","Horror"]

Summary Beverly visits Keene's Pharmacy, compliments Mr. Keene on his glasses, and accidentally knocks over a cigarette display. Outside, she playfully reveals to Bill and Eddie that she stole the cigarettes. They find Ben, who is injured, and Beverly shares a light moment with him before they all decide to jump into the quarry, showcasing their camaraderie and playful spirit.
Strengths
  • Effective blend of genres
  • Strong character development
  • Compelling dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Some transitions could be smoother
  • Pacing in certain sections

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively combines elements of drama, coming-of-age, and horror, creating a compelling and engaging narrative. The transition from light-hearted interactions to a chilling encounter with Pennywise adds depth and tension to the scene.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of blending teenage drama with horror elements is innovative and engaging. The scene effectively explores themes of friendship, fear, and coming-of-age in a unique and compelling way.

Plot: 8.5

The plot of the scene is well-developed, with a clear progression from light-hearted interactions to a chilling encounter with Pennywise. The scene moves the story forward while also developing character relationships and setting up future conflicts.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces unique character dynamics and situations, blending humor with darker themes effectively. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-defined and their interactions feel authentic and relatable. Each character has a distinct personality that adds depth to the scene and drives the narrative forward.

Character Changes: 8

The characters undergo subtle changes throughout the scene, particularly in their relationships with each other and their growing awareness of the dangers in Derry. These changes set the stage for future character development and conflicts.

Internal Goal: 8

Beverly's internal goal is to maintain a sense of normalcy and connection with the people around her, despite the challenges she faces.

External Goal: 7.5

Beverly's external goal is to maintain her reputation and relationships with her friends, while also dealing with the consequences of her actions.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The scene contains a moderate level of conflict, both in the interpersonal relationships of the characters and the looming presence of Pennywise. The tension builds gradually, leading to a climactic encounter with the antagonist.

Opposition: 7.5

The opposition in the scene adds tension and conflict, creating obstacles for the characters to overcome and keeping the audience engaged.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in the scene, as the characters face both personal challenges and the looming threat of Pennywise. The tension and danger increase as the scene progresses, raising the stakes for the characters and the overall story.

Story Forward: 9

The scene effectively moves the story forward by introducing new plot elements, developing character relationships, and setting up future conflicts. The progression of the narrative is clear and engaging, keeping the audience invested in the story.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected actions and reactions of the characters, adding tension and intrigue to the narrative.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the characters' perceptions of themselves and each other, as well as the balance between truth and rumors.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from light-hearted moments of friendship and camaraderie to moments of fear and tension. The emotional impact is heightened by the contrast between the teenage drama and the horror elements.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is natural and engaging, capturing the essence of teenage interactions and relationships. The conversations feel authentic and help to develop the characters and themes of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its blend of humor, drama, and suspense, keeping the audience invested in the characters and their relationships.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a good balance of dialogue, action, and description, keeping the story moving at a compelling pace.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings, dialogue, and action descriptions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the playful and innocent nature of the characters, particularly through Beverly's interaction with Mr. Keene and her lighthearted banter with the boys. This contrast with the darker themes of the story helps to build tension and maintain engagement.
  • Beverly's character is well-developed in this scene, showcasing her confidence and charm, especially when she compliments Mr. Keene and playfully steals the cigarettes. However, the transition from her playful demeanor to the concern for Ben feels slightly abrupt. A smoother transition could enhance the emotional flow.
  • The dialogue is generally strong, with a good mix of humor and tension. However, some lines, particularly those from Richie, could be tightened to maintain the pacing and avoid redundancy. For example, his comment about Travis could be more succinct to keep the focus on the main action.
  • The visual elements, such as the colorful mural and the display of cigarettes, add depth to the setting. However, the introduction of Pennywise's sinister smile at the end feels somewhat disconnected from the preceding lightheartedness. A more gradual build-up to this reveal could enhance the impact of the horror element.
  • The scene ends with a strong visual cue of Pennywise, but it might benefit from a more explicit emotional reaction from the boys to heighten the tension. Their shock or fear could serve to bridge the gap between the playful interactions and the looming threat.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment where Beverly's playful demeanor shifts to concern for Ben, perhaps through a brief internal monologue or a visual cue that hints at her awareness of the danger surrounding them.
  • Tighten Richie's dialogue to ensure it flows smoothly and maintains the scene's pacing. Focus on making his humor punchy and relevant to the moment.
  • Enhance the transition to the horror element by incorporating subtle foreshadowing earlier in the scene, such as a fleeting shadow or an unsettling sound that hints at Pennywise's presence before the reveal.
  • Include a reaction shot from the boys after the reveal of Pennywise to emphasize their fear and the gravity of the situation, creating a stronger emotional connection to the horror element.
  • Consider using Beverly's interaction with Mr. Keene to further explore her character's complexity, perhaps by hinting at her struggles or insecurities in a way that resonates with the audience.



Scene 21 -  Secrets of Derry
EXT. BASSEY PARK QUARRY, SHORE - LATER

...legs are strong, and you’re so so long and you don’t come
from this town...

Beverly lays out on a rock. She’s sun-drenched. As Richie’s
Boom Box nearby continues playing Love and Rocket’s 1989
summer radio hit “I’m Alive”.

Bill, Ben, Stanley, Richie, Eddie lay on other rocks, leaving
a distance between them and Beverly. None of ‘em bold enough
to lay near her. But all of ‘em wishing they were as they
sneak their stares in.

I’m alive, huh, huh, so alive...


Beverly turns to lay on her stomach, the sudden movement
startling the boys, so they all look away. Busy themselves
with other things...

Like Richie turns to Ben’s Backpack. Filled with books and
papers. He starts to go through it as he realizes --

RICHIE
Newsflash, school’s out for summer.

BEN
That’s library stuff. Not school
stuff...

Richie finds The Postcard.

RICHIE
Who sent you this?

Ben snatches it away.

BEN
No one.

He looks over at Beverly. Specifically, at her KNAPSACK.
Eddie flips through a book on the History of Derry.

EDDIE
What’s with the history project?

BEN
Oh, uh, when I moved here I didn’t
have anyone to hang out with or
anything, so I just started
spending time in the library.

RICHIE
Seriously? You went to the library?
On your own? For fun?

Bill and Richie take a closer look. Beverly joins them.

BEVERLY
I want to see too...

She sits down next to Bill. He can barely concentrate with
her so close to him. Skin smells like sun lotion.

Beverly looks at him and smiles. Not sure what to do -- oh,
awkward youth -- Bill turns back at Ben’s Research.


A XEROX shows an 1879 newspaper story with two old photos:
the first of loggers posed in front of the Silver Dollar
Saloon with schooners of beer in one hand and axes in the
other, the second of five bodies chopped up on the sawdust
floor. Headline screams: “FIVE MASSACRED IN BROAD DAYLIGHT”

BEVERLY (CONT’D)
Why is it all of people getting
killed and missing kids?

BEN
Dunno. That’s Derry I guess.

EDDIE
Like any town, right, been around
long enough, bad things happen? I
mean, all history is a long line of
bad things happening to people.

STANLEY
Try reading the Torah.

BEN
Yeah, but Derry’s not like any town
I moved to. And we’ve moved a lot.
Did you guys know people die
violently here or disappear like
six times the national average?

BEVERLY
You read that?

BEN
(nodding)
That’s just adults. Kids are worse.
Way worse.

The Kids look at each other. Creepy...

BEN (CONT’D)
I’ve got more stuff if you wanna
see it...

Off their “Fuck Yes” faces --
Genres: ["Horror","Coming of Age","Mystery"]

Summary At Bassey Park Quarry, Beverly sunbathes on a rock while the boys—Bill, Ben, Stanley, Richie, and Eddie—admire her from a distance. Richie discovers a postcard in Ben's backpack, leading to teasing about Ben's library habits. The group discusses Ben's research on Derry's violent history, revealing his feelings of isolation since moving to town. They come across a Xerox of an old newspaper article about the town's dark past, sparking a mix of curiosity and concern among them. The scene ends with Ben excitedly offering to share more of his findings, highlighting the boys' awkwardness around Beverly and their intrigue about Derry's secrets.
Strengths
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Mysterious atmosphere
  • Character interactions
Weaknesses
  • Subtle conflict
  • Limited character development

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively combines elements of horror, coming of age, and mystery, creating a sense of unease and curiosity. The exploration of Derry's dark history, the mysterious postcard, and the group dynamic add depth to the narrative.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of uncovering Derry's dark history and the group's dynamic exploration of mysteries is compelling and adds depth to the overall narrative.

Plot: 8.5

The plot progresses through the revelation of Derry's secrets, character interactions, and the group's discovery of unsettling truths. The scene moves the story forward while building suspense.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to teenage friendships and explores the dark history of a town in a unique way. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters' interactions and reactions to the revelations about Derry's history add depth to their personalities and relationships. Each character's unique perspective contributes to the scene's impact.

Character Changes: 7

The characters experience subtle shifts in their perspectives and understanding of Derry's history, setting the stage for potential growth and development in future scenes.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to navigate the awkwardness of youth and their feelings towards Beverly, as well as to uncover the mysteries of Derry.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to bond with their friends and explore the history of Derry.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

While there is an underlying sense of unease and mystery, the conflict in the scene is more subtle, focusing on the characters' internal struggles and the discovery of unsettling truths.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene comes from the characters' conflicting views on Derry's history and the mysterious events happening in the town.

High Stakes: 7

While the discovery of Derry's dark history raises the stakes for the characters, the immediate danger is more subtle, adding tension and intrigue to the scene.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by revealing important information about Derry's history, deepening the mystery, and setting up future plot developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the sudden shift in tone from lighthearted banter to dark discussions about the town's history.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict is between the characters' innocence and the dark history of Derry, challenging their beliefs about their town and the world.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a sense of unease and curiosity, engaging the audience emotionally through the characters' reactions to the mysteries of Derry.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue effectively conveys the characters' curiosity, unease, and camaraderie. It drives the scene forward while revealing important information about Derry and the characters.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the dynamic interactions between the characters, the mystery surrounding Derry, and the hint of romance between Beverly and Bill.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and revealing information gradually, keeping the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and easy to follow, with proper scene descriptions and character actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a coming-of-age genre, with a focus on character interactions and exploration of themes.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the awkwardness of adolescence, particularly in the interactions between Beverly and the boys. The physical distance they maintain from her while still being captivated by her presence is a strong visual representation of their feelings and insecurities.
  • The dialogue flows naturally and reflects the characters' personalities well. Richie's humor contrasts with Ben's more serious demeanor, which helps to establish their individual traits and dynamics within the group.
  • The introduction of the historical context through Ben's research adds depth to the scene, linking the characters' personal experiences with the town's dark history. However, the transition from light-hearted banter to a more serious discussion about violence in Derry could be smoother to maintain the scene's pacing.
  • Beverly's physical presence and the boys' reactions to her are well-executed, but there could be more internal conflict or thoughts from Bill to enhance his character's emotional struggle when near her. This would deepen the audience's understanding of his feelings and the stakes involved.
  • The use of the Xeroxed newspaper article is a clever device to introduce the theme of violence in Derry, but it could benefit from a more explicit connection to the characters' current fears or experiences. This would help to ground the historical context in their present reality.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief internal monologue for Bill as he interacts with Beverly, which could provide insight into his feelings and heighten the tension of the moment.
  • To improve the transition between the light-hearted banter and the serious discussion about Derry's history, you could introduce a moment of silence or a shared glance among the boys that signals a shift in mood before diving into the darker topic.
  • Enhance the visual storytelling by incorporating more sensory details about the setting, such as the warmth of the sun, the sounds of the quarry, or the smell of the water, to create a more immersive experience for the audience.
  • Consider having Beverly share a personal anecdote related to the history of Derry, which could serve to deepen her character and create a stronger emotional connection to the theme of violence in the town.
  • To maintain engagement, you might want to intersperse more humor or playful banter throughout the serious discussion, balancing the tone and keeping the audience invested in the characters' interactions.



Scene 22 -  Ben's Messy Revelation
INT. BEN’S BEDROOM - CONTINUOUS

Panicking, Ben hurries into his messy bedroom. We can hear
the others coming up the stairs behind him as he kicks dirty
underwear under the bed -- tosses PJs in his dresser --
stuffs books of poetry into his desk right before --

Beverly enters.


Followed close behind by the other Losers.

Ben turns, wondering what he was thinking to invite them all
here. Jeezus, what did he forget?

All the attention is on his Bedroom Walls. Every inch is
papered with more Xerox Copies of Newspaper Articles and
Photographs. All on the History of Derry. Loggers drinking
beer in the Silver Dollar in the 1880s. Little Kids on an
Easter egg hunt at the Old Ironworks in 1907. FBI MEN stand
over a bank robber’s bullet riddled car in the 1930s.

RICHIE
Wow...

BEN
Cool, huh?

Richie looks at him, concerned.

RICHIE
No.

Stanley sees a copy of an old document with 90 signatures.
INCORPORATION OF THE TOWNSHIP OF DERRY.

STANLEY
What’s this? Declaration of
Independence?

BEN
The charter for Derry Township.

RICHIE
Nerd alert...

Ben quickly looks over at Beverly. Trying to cover --

BEN
No, it’s kind of interesting. Derry
started as a beaver trapping camp.

RICHIE
Still is. Am I right, boys?

Beverly shakes her head. Bill throws him a look: D-dude...

BEN
Ninety-one people signed the
charter that made Derry. But then,
later that winter, they all
disappeared, without a trace.

Lets it sink in. He’s got ‘em.


EDDIE
The entire camp?

Eddie is freaked out by this revelation.

ON BEN’S DESK

Next to some half-built models, Bill finds a few SLIDES.
Holds them ONE BY ONE up to the light as Ben continues:

BEN
There were rumors of Indians but no
sign of an attack. Others thought
it was a plague or something. It
was like everyone just woke up one
day and left. The only clue was a
big hole in the ground where the
wellhouse was.

RICHIE
Jesus, we could get Derry on
unsolved mysteries!

Intrigued by all the stories, Beverly finds herself over by
Ben’s Bedroom Door. Obscuring more articles. She starts to
close the door to get a better look and sees a POSTER
hanging’ tough on the back. New Kids on the Block.

She turns and sees Ben. Beet red, staring right at her.
Horrified. That’s what he forgot...

Beverly quickly opens the door again before any of the other
kids see it. Ben exhales, relieved. Kind of.

ON BILL. Holding up another slide: The First Map of Derry.

BILL
Wh-where was the wellhouse?

BEN
Somewhere in town, I guess...

STANLEY
What’s the point of all this? What
are you gonna do with it?

BEN
Dunno. Just killing time I guess.

RICHIE
Benny boy, if you’re gonna start
killin’ time with us fools, do it
right...


Richie opens his backpack, full of teeth rotting and MSG-
filled goodies. The kids pounce. Bill looks thoughtfully over
the walls and books, then at DORSEY CORCORAN’S SHOE.
Genres: ["Horror","Mystery","Drama"]

Summary In a frantic attempt to hide his clutter, Ben rushes into his messy bedroom just before Beverly and the other Losers arrive. The room, filled with newspaper articles about Derry's mysterious history, piques the group's interest. Ben shares the tale of the original settlers' disappearance, leading to a mix of intrigue and humor among his friends. However, his embarrassment peaks when Beverly discovers a New Kids on the Block poster. The scene blends anxiety and humor as the group bonds over Ben's collection, with Richie providing comic relief by teasing him about his snacks.
Strengths
  • Intriguing exploration of Derry's history
  • Authentic character interactions
  • Balanced mix of suspense and humor
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development
  • Lack of external conflict resolution

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively combines elements of mystery, character development, and plot progression, keeping the audience engaged with a mix of suspense, information, and light-hearted moments. The exploration of Derry's history adds depth to the story, while the interactions between the characters provide insight into their personalities and relationships.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of exploring Derry's history through Ben's research is compelling and adds depth to the narrative. The scene introduces intriguing mysteries and sets up future developments, enhancing the overall story arc. The concept is executed well, drawing the audience into the world of the story.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene revolves around Ben's research into Derry's history, revealing clues about the town's dark past and setting up future conflicts. The scene moves the story forward by introducing key information and deepening the mystery surrounding Derry. The plot is engaging and sets the stage for further developments.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a unique setting and historical background, adding depth to the characters and their interactions. The dialogue feels authentic and reveals insights into the characters' personalities.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The scene focuses on character interactions within the Losers Club, showcasing their personalities and relationships. Each character has a distinct voice and contributes to the dynamics of the group. The scene allows for character development and hints at future arcs, adding depth to the story.

Character Changes: 7

While there are subtle hints at character development, such as Ben's role as the researcher and Beverly's curiosity, the scene primarily focuses on introducing key information and setting up future conflicts. The characters' personalities and relationships are established, laying the groundwork for potential growth and change in later scenes.

Internal Goal: 8

Ben's internal goal in this scene is to impress his friends with his knowledge and passion for the history of Derry. This reflects his desire for acceptance and validation from his peers.

External Goal: 7

Ben's external goal in this scene is to hide his embarrassing New Kids on the Block poster from his friends. This reflects the immediate challenge of maintaining his reputation and avoiding embarrassment.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The scene contains elements of internal and external conflict, with tensions arising from the characters' interactions and the mysteries surrounding Derry's history. The conflict adds depth to the scene and sets up future challenges for the characters to overcome.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicts arising from the characters' differing values and goals. The audience is left unsure of how the interactions will unfold.

High Stakes: 8

The scene raises the stakes by revealing the dark history of Derry and hinting at the dangers the characters may face as they delve deeper into the town's mysteries. The secrets uncovered add a sense of urgency and danger to the story, increasing the tension and setting the stage for future conflicts.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing crucial information about Derry's history and deepening the mystery surrounding the town. It sets up future conflicts and developments, hinting at the challenges the characters will face as they uncover the secrets of Derry. The scene propels the narrative forward and keeps the audience engaged.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected reveal of Ben's embarrassing poster and the tension between the characters as they interact.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is between Ben's genuine interest in history and Richie's dismissive attitude towards it. This challenges Ben's values of curiosity and knowledge.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7.5

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from curiosity and fear to amusement and intrigue. The revelations about Derry's history create a sense of unease, while the interactions between the characters provide moments of light-heartedness and camaraderie. The emotional impact adds depth to the scene and engages the audience.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue in the scene is engaging and reveals aspects of the characters' personalities. It balances information about Derry's history with moments of humor and tension, keeping the audience invested in the story. The dialogue flows naturally and contributes to the overall tone of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it combines humor, suspense, and character development to keep the audience invested in the story and the characters' relationships.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by balancing moments of tension and humor, keeping the audience engaged and moving the story forward at a compelling pace.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings, action lines, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the scene's effectiveness.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes Ben's character as someone who is passionate about the history of Derry, but it could benefit from deeper exploration of his emotions. While the dialogue conveys his nervousness about the group discovering his interests, adding internal monologue or visual cues could enhance the audience's connection to his anxiety and excitement.
  • The pacing of the scene feels rushed, particularly in the transition from Ben's panic to the group's arrival. Slowing down the moment when Ben is hiding his belongings could heighten the tension and allow for more comedic or relatable moments, making the audience feel more invested in his embarrassment.
  • Richie's humor is a strong element in the scene, but it sometimes overshadows Ben's more serious revelations about Derry's history. Balancing the comedic elements with the gravity of the historical context could create a more nuanced tone, allowing the audience to appreciate both the humor and the underlying horror.
  • The dialogue is generally engaging, but some lines feel a bit on-the-nose, particularly when characters react to Ben's history. Instead of explicitly stating their feelings (e.g., 'Nerd alert'), consider using subtext or more subtle reactions to convey their thoughts, which can add depth to their interactions.
  • The visual descriptions of the room filled with newspaper articles and photographs are compelling, but they could be enhanced by focusing on specific details that reflect Ben's personality or his emotional state. For example, mentioning a particular article that resonates with Ben could provide insight into his character and the themes of the story.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment where Ben reflects on why he is so passionate about Derry's history, perhaps through a brief internal monologue or a conversation with Beverly that reveals his personal connection to the town.
  • Slow down the pacing when Ben is hiding his belongings. Allow for a few comedic beats where he frantically tries to clean up, which can create a more relatable and humorous atmosphere.
  • Balance Richie's humor with moments of seriousness by allowing the other characters to react more subtly to Ben's revelations. This can help maintain the tension while still allowing for comic relief.
  • Revise some of the dialogue to incorporate more subtext. Instead of direct comments, use body language and facial expressions to convey the characters' feelings about Ben's interests.
  • Enhance the visual descriptions of Ben's room by including specific articles or photographs that hold significance for him, which can deepen the audience's understanding of his character and the story's themes.



Scene 23 -  Frustration at the Station
INT. POLICE STATION - DAY

Bill hands Dorsey Corcoran’s shoe, still wet in a marshmallow
bag, a map rolled into it, to Chief Borton (50s, pudgy). The
wall behind him is plastered with fliers of kids, each with
“MISSING” or “MURDERED” over their smiling faces -- with
names like Dorsey Corcoran, Betty Ripson, Chad Lowe, Missy
Albrecht, and others aged 3 to 19.

BILL
We found it in the barrens.

Borton looks over at Officer Bowers. Christ...

CHIEF BORTON
Thank you, son, we’ll take it from
here...

BILL
If it’s a serial killer aren’t you
suppose to call in the F-F-FBI or
something?

OFFICER BOWERS
The FFFBI? They must be real
official...

Laughs, proud of his own joke but --

BILL
This isn’t some joke. Look at all
the bad stuff that happens here.
People disappear here six times
more than the nat-nat-national
average. With kids it’s even wo-
worse and what do you do? Nothing.

CHIEF BORTON
These things happen. Every now and
then a town suffers some weather,
doesn’t mean we need outsiders
lifting the lid in our outhouse.
Derry can take care of her own.

BILL
(pissed)
Y-y-you...

Prick? Asshole? Fucknut?


BILL (CONT’D)
Useless.

He turns and leaves.
Genres: ["Drama","Mystery","Thriller"]

Summary In a tense encounter at the police station, Bill confronts Chief Borton about the alarming number of missing children in their town, presenting evidence that suggests a serial killer may be involved. Despite Bill's urgent plea for FBI assistance, Chief Borton dismisses his concerns, insisting the town can handle its own issues. Bill's frustration escalates, leading him to call Borton 'useless' before storming out, highlighting the conflict between his desperation for action and the police's apathy.
Strengths
  • Intense conflict
  • Emotional depth
  • Plot advancement
Weaknesses
  • Limited character interaction
  • Lack of resolution

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys the protagonist's emotions and sets up a significant conflict, driving the plot forward with a sense of urgency and tension.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene revolves around the protagonist's confrontation with the police chief, emphasizing the town's dark history and the protagonist's determination to uncover the truth.

Plot: 8.5

The plot advances significantly in this scene, setting up a major conflict and highlighting the protagonist's motivations and challenges.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the small-town mystery genre, with a focus on the internal and external conflicts of the protagonist. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and contribute to the scene's originality.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters, especially the protagonist, are well-developed in this scene, showcasing their emotions, motivations, and conflicts effectively.

Character Changes: 8

The protagonist undergoes a significant change in this scene, from frustration to defiance, setting up a transformation in their approach to solving the town's mysteries.

Internal Goal: 8

Bill's internal goal is to seek justice for the victims and hold the authorities accountable for their inaction. This reflects his deeper desire for safety and protection of the town's residents.

External Goal: 7

Bill's external goal is to convince Chief Borton to take action and involve the FBI in the investigation of the serial killer. This reflects the immediate challenge of overcoming the Chief's resistance to outside help.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between the protagonist and the police chief is intense and sets up a significant tension, driving the scene forward with high stakes.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Chief Borton's resistance providing a significant obstacle for the protagonist. The audience is left uncertain about how Bill will overcome this opposition.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in this scene, as the protagonist challenges the authorities and risks their safety to uncover the town's dark secrets, adding tension and suspense.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward by introducing a major conflict and highlighting the protagonist's determination to uncover the truth, advancing the narrative with urgency.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the Chief's unexpected resistance to outside help and Bill's confrontational attitude. The audience is left unsure of how the conflict will be resolved.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict is between Bill's belief in seeking justice and accountability, and Chief Borton's belief in maintaining the town's autonomy and handling issues internally. This challenges Bill's values of transparency and outside intervention.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes strong emotions, particularly anger and defiance, from the protagonist, resonating with the audience and creating a sense of urgency.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue in the scene is impactful, conveying the protagonist's frustration and defiance towards the authorities with intensity and emotion.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its tense atmosphere, conflict between characters, and the mystery surrounding the serial killer. The dialogue and actions keep the audience invested in the story.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and maintaining the audience's interest. The dialogue and character interactions flow smoothly, contributing to the overall effectiveness of the scene.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear character cues, dialogue, and scene descriptions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a mystery genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm contribute to its effectiveness.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes the gravity of the situation with the wall of missing and murdered children's fliers, creating a strong visual impact that underscores the stakes for Bill and the community. However, the dialogue could be more dynamic to reflect the tension and urgency of Bill's plea. The exchange feels somewhat flat, and the characters' responses could be more emotionally charged to convey the frustration and desperation Bill feels.
  • Bill's stutter is a significant character trait, but it could be used more effectively to heighten the tension in this scene. Instead of simply repeating the stutter, consider incorporating it into moments of emotional intensity, where his frustration peaks. This would not only add depth to his character but also emphasize the stakes of the conversation.
  • Chief Borton's dismissive attitude comes off as overly simplistic and could benefit from more nuance. Instead of a flat refusal to involve the FBI, perhaps he could express a personal connection to the town's history or a belief in self-reliance that complicates his stance. This would make him a more rounded character and provide a richer conflict between him and Bill.
  • The humor from Officer Bowers feels out of place given the serious context of the scene. While comic relief can be effective, it should not undermine the gravity of the subject matter. Consider toning down the humor or finding a way to integrate it that feels more organic to the situation.
  • Bill's final insult, 'Useless,' while impactful, could be more powerful if it were delivered with a stronger emotional buildup. Instead of a quick exit, consider allowing Bill a moment to express his anger more fully before storming out, which would give the audience a clearer sense of his emotional state and the stakes involved.
Suggestions
  • Enhance the emotional stakes by allowing Bill to express more of his feelings about the missing children and his personal connection to Dorsey Corcoran. This could involve a brief flashback or a more detailed explanation of why this case matters to him.
  • Consider adding a moment where Bill's stutter becomes more pronounced as he gets more frustrated, which would serve to heighten the tension and make his emotional state more palpable.
  • Develop Chief Borton's character further by giving him a backstory or a personal reason for his reluctance to involve the FBI. This could create a more complex antagonist for Bill and deepen the conflict.
  • Rework Officer Bowers' humor to ensure it doesn't detract from the scene's seriousness. Perhaps he could make a comment that reflects his own discomfort with the situation instead of outright mockery.
  • Allow Bill a moment of reflection before he leaves, where he can articulate his feelings about the town's neglect and his frustration with the adults. This would provide a more satisfying emotional arc for the scene.



Scene 24 -  Whispers from the Drain
INT. BEVERLY’S APARTMENT - NIGHT

A slummy apartment over Lower Main Street. Beverly’s Dad, MR.
MARSH (late 30s), still in his janitor’s uniform from Derry
Home Hospital, sits passed out in front of the TV.

Entering the apartment, Beverly quietly tiptoes past him.


INT. BEVERLY’S APARTMENT, BEVERLY’S BEDROOM - NIGHT

Beverly dumps out her knapsack. Among her belongings, she
finds a POSTCARD. With a familiar poem.

From the Living Room, her Father clears his throat. Is he up?
Taking no chances, she hurries into the

BATHROOM

With the Post Card. Shuts the door. Locks it. Reads the poem
aloud to herself --

BEVERLY
Your hair is winter fire/ January
Embers/ My heart burns there, too

It’s from ‘Your Secret Admirer’.

Beverly blushes. Sees there isn’t any return address. As she
wonders who it could be from she hears --

CHILD’S VOICE (O.S.)
Help me.

Beverly looks around for the voice, startled.

CHILD’S VOICE (O.S.) (CONT’D)
Help me, Beverly.

It comes from THE SINK DRAIN, above her head. She leans
forward over the basin, looking down into the dark void...

BEVERLY
Is s-someone there?

Nothing. BEV’S EYE PEERS DOWN THROUGH THE CIRCLE OF LIGHT.


CHILD’S VOICE (O.S.)
We all want to play with you.

She gasps. The single voice turns into a cacophony, bubbling
up through the ages.

CHILD’S VOICE (O.S.) (CONT’D)
Come play with us, Beverly. Come
play with the clown. You’ll float.

Terrified, Beverly dashes out.
Genres: ["Horror","Thriller","Drama"]

Summary In a tense and eerie scene, Beverly quietly enters her rundown apartment, avoiding her unconscious father, Mr. Marsh. While in the bathroom, she discovers a postcard with a familiar poem from 'Your Secret Admirer.' As she reads it aloud, a child's voice suddenly calls for help from the sink drain, leading to a cacophony of voices inviting her to play. Terrified, Beverly flees the bathroom, leaving the unsettling mystery unresolved.
Strengths
  • Building tension
  • Creating a sense of dread
  • Eerie atmosphere
  • Mysterious voices
Weaknesses
  • Potential predictability
  • Lack of resolution

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene effectively captures the essence of horror and mystery, keeping the audience on edge with its eerie atmosphere and unsettling revelations. The use of sound and visual cues heightens the tension and fear, making it a compelling and memorable moment in the screenplay.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of the scene, focusing on Beverly's encounter with mysterious voices and unsettling messages, is intriguing and effectively executed. It sets the stage for deeper exploration of the supernatural elements in the story.

Plot: 9

The plot of the scene, centered around Beverly's discovery of a cryptic message and her encounter with eerie voices, adds depth to the overall narrative and raises questions about the supernatural forces at play in the story.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the theme of mystery and fear, blending elements of innocence and darkness in a unique way. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters in the scene, particularly Beverly, are well-developed and react authentically to the unsettling events unfolding around them. Beverly's fear and curiosity are palpable, drawing the audience into her experience.

Character Changes: 8

Beverly experiences a shift in her emotional state, transitioning from curiosity to fear and unease as she encounters the mysterious voices. This change in her character adds depth and complexity to her role in the story.

Internal Goal: 8

Beverly's internal goal in this scene is to uncover the identity of her secret admirer and to navigate the fear and mystery surrounding the child's voice she hears. This reflects her deeper desire for connection and understanding.

External Goal: 7

Beverly's external goal in this scene is to avoid her father and find a safe space to read the postcard. This reflects the immediate challenge of dealing with her father's presence and the mysterious voice she hears.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8.5

The conflict in the scene arises from Beverly's encounter with the mysterious voices and the sense of impending danger they convey. The tension and fear escalate as the scene unfolds, creating a sense of urgency and suspense.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Beverly facing both internal and external challenges that add complexity and depth to the narrative.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in the scene, as Beverly faces unknown dangers and supernatural forces that threaten her safety and well-being. The sense of fear and urgency raises the stakes and adds tension to the narrative.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by introducing supernatural elements and deepening the mystery surrounding Derry and its inhabitants. Beverly's encounter with the voices sets the stage for further exploration of the town's dark secrets.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected appearance of the child's voice and the mysterious nature of the postcard, keeping the audience on edge.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the juxtaposition of innocence and fear. The child's voice represents innocence and playfulness, while the fear and mystery surrounding it challenge Beverly's beliefs and values.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking fear, curiosity, and anxiety in the audience. Beverly's reactions and the eerie atmosphere contribute to a sense of unease and foreboding, drawing viewers into the story.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the sense of fear and mystery, adding to the overall atmosphere of tension and unease. The cryptic messages and eerie voices enhance the sense of foreboding.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it combines elements of mystery, fear, and emotional depth, keeping the audience intrigued and invested in Beverly's journey.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, enhancing the overall effectiveness of the narrative.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and concise, following the expected format for a screenplay.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, following the expected format for a mystery genre.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes a sense of dread and tension, particularly through Beverly's interaction with the postcard and the subsequent voice from the sink drain. This juxtaposition of a seemingly innocent moment (reading a poem from a secret admirer) with the sinister voice creates a strong emotional impact.
  • Beverly's character is well-developed in this scene; her initial excitement about the postcard reflects her desire for connection and affection, which is quickly overshadowed by fear. This duality adds depth to her character and makes her relatable.
  • The use of sound is particularly effective in this scene. The transition from the child's voice to a cacophony of voices builds suspense and highlights the horror element. However, the dialogue from the voices could be more distinct to enhance the impact of the horror.
  • The pacing of the scene is generally good, but the transition from Beverly's moment of joy to her fear could be more abrupt to heighten the shock. The moment she hears the voice could be more jarring, perhaps with a sudden sound effect or visual cue that emphasizes her fear.
  • The description of the setting is minimal, which works to create a claustrophobic atmosphere. However, adding more sensory details about the apartment and the bathroom could enhance the reader's immersion in Beverly's world and her emotional state.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of Beverly's internal thoughts or feelings after she reads the poem, which could deepen the audience's connection to her character before the horror element kicks in.
  • Enhance the distinctiveness of the voices coming from the sink drain. Perhaps include variations in tone or pitch to differentiate between the voices, making the horror more palpable.
  • Incorporate a more abrupt sound cue or visual element when Beverly hears the child's voice to amplify the shock factor and draw the audience into her fear.
  • Add more sensory details to the setting, such as the smell of the apartment or the dim lighting in the bathroom, to create a more vivid atmosphere that reflects Beverly's emotional state.
  • Consider ending the scene with a stronger visual or auditory cue that leaves the audience with a lingering sense of dread, such as a close-up of Beverly's terrified expression or a lingering echo of the voices as she runs away.



Scene 25 -  Echoes of Loss
INT. BILL’S HOUSE - NIGHT

Bill’s mom washes the dishes while Bill sits at the table and
eats a bowl of ice cream. Zach flips through a Popular
Mechanics, still in his overalls from the DERRY PUBLIC WORKS.

BILL
Did you guys see the brochure?

No response. Finally his dad stirs.

ZACH
Sorry?

BILL
Acadia. I thought we could start
planning our park trip this year.

His dad stops mid flip, looks to Bill’s mom who’s on edge.

BILL (CONT’D)
Otter Cove. Bubble Pond. Cadillac
Mountain.

His mom throws down a dish and, unable to compose herself,
storms upstairs. All the air goes out of the room.

BILL (CONT’D)
What did I say?

Zach wants to respond but can’t. He goes to the sink and
turns off the faucet.

ZACH
Sorry, champ. Your mom and I, we--

BILL
If it’s about money, I’ll mow
lawns, paint fences, whatever.


ZACH
It’s not that.

He fiddles his wedding ring. Zach is too upset to look his
boy in the eye.

ZACH (CONT’D)
Your brother just looked forward to
this trip so much, you know. It was
his favorite.

He takes Bill’s bowl of ice cream, throws it into the sink
and goes, Bill’s spoon left hanging over nothing.

BILL
Mine too.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In a tense kitchen scene, Bill excitedly proposes a family trip to Acadia National Park, mentioning cherished locations. His enthusiasm is met with discomfort from his mother, who abruptly leaves, and Zach, who struggles with the emotional weight tied to the trip's significance for Bill's deceased brother. In frustration, Zach throws Bill's ice cream bowl into the sink, leaving Bill in silence, holding his spoon over the discarded bowl, highlighting the family's unresolved grief.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Subtle tension
Weaknesses
  • Limited plot progression
  • Internal conflict focus

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys the emotional weight of Bill's desire to plan a trip in memory of his deceased brother, showcasing the family's struggle to cope with their loss. The dialogue and interactions create a poignant atmosphere that resonates with the audience.


Story Content

Concept: 8.5

The concept of exploring grief, loss, and familial tension is effectively portrayed in the scene, providing insight into the characters' emotional struggles and the impact of past events on their present relationships.

Plot: 8

The plot progression in the scene revolves around Bill's attempt to plan a trip in memory of his brother, leading to a confrontation with his parents' unresolved emotions. The scene contributes to the overall narrative by deepening the understanding of the characters' motivations and conflicts.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh take on the theme of grief and loss, exploring how different family members cope with tragedy in their own ways. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds depth and realism to the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters in the scene, particularly Bill and his parents, are well-developed and showcase complex emotions related to grief and loss. The interactions between the characters reveal layers of depth and internal conflict.

Character Changes: 8

The scene showcases subtle shifts in the characters' emotions and relationships, particularly highlighting Bill's attempts to connect with his parents and their struggle to address their shared loss. The interactions hint at potential growth and resolution in future developments.

Internal Goal: 8

Bill's internal goal is to connect with his family and honor the memory of his deceased brother by planning a trip to Acadia National Park. This reflects his need for closure, acceptance, and a desire to keep his brother's memory alive.

External Goal: 7

Bill's external goal is to plan a family trip to Acadia National Park. This goal reflects the immediate challenge of navigating his family's emotional response to the trip and dealing with the unresolved grief over his brother's death.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, revolving around the characters' emotional struggles and the unspoken tensions within the family. The conflict adds depth to the narrative and drives the character development.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, as the characters' conflicting emotions and motivations create obstacles to their communication and connection. The unresolved grief and tension between family members add complexity to the scene.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes in the scene are primarily emotional, focusing on the characters' internal struggles and the impact of past traumas on their present relationships. The resolution of these conflicts could have significant consequences for the characters' growth and development.

Story Forward: 7

While the scene does not significantly advance the main plot, it deepens the understanding of the characters' motivations and relationships, setting the stage for future developments and conflicts. The emotional depth adds layers to the narrative.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the characters' complex emotions and conflicting motivations. The audience is unsure how the family will resolve their differences and come to terms with their grief.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the family's differing ways of coping with grief and loss. Bill wants to honor his brother's memory by planning a trip, while his parents struggle to confront their emotions and move forward.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking feelings of sadness, regret, and empathy towards the characters as they navigate their shared grief and strained relationships. The poignant moments resonate with the audience.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the unspoken tensions and emotions between the characters, adding depth to their interactions and highlighting the underlying grief and regret that permeates the family dynamic.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its emotional intensity and relatable family dynamics. The unresolved conflict and underlying tension keep the audience invested in the characters' journey.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotional stakes, leading to a climactic moment of confrontation and revelation. The rhythm of the dialogue and character actions enhances the scene's impact.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows standard formatting conventions for a screenplay, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting. The visual descriptions and character actions are well-defined.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a traditional structure for a dramatic family interaction, with escalating tension and emotional revelations. The pacing and rhythm of the scene effectively build towards a climactic moment.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the tension within Bill's family following the loss of his brother, Georgie. The contrast between Bill's innocent excitement about the trip and the heavy emotional weight carried by his parents is palpable, creating a strong emotional impact.
  • Zach's inability to maintain eye contact with Bill and his fidgeting with the wedding ring effectively convey his discomfort and grief. This non-verbal communication adds depth to the scene, illustrating the strain on the family without needing excessive dialogue.
  • The abruptness of Bill's mother's exit after throwing down the dish is a powerful moment that visually represents her emotional turmoil. However, it could benefit from a clearer indication of her internal struggle, perhaps through a brief moment of hesitation before she leaves.
  • Bill's response to his father's explanation about the trip being Georgie's favorite is poignant, but it feels slightly rushed. Expanding on this moment could enhance the emotional resonance, allowing the audience to fully grasp Bill's pain and longing for his brother.
  • The dialogue is generally strong, but there are moments where it feels a bit expository, particularly when Bill mentions specific locations in Acadia. While this establishes context, it could be more naturally integrated into the conversation to avoid feeling forced.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment where Bill's mother hesitates before storming upstairs, perhaps showing her internal conflict about leaving the conversation. This could heighten the emotional stakes and make her exit feel more impactful.
  • Expand on Bill's emotional response to his father's comments about Georgie. A few more lines reflecting his feelings could deepen the audience's connection to his character and the overall theme of loss.
  • To avoid the dialogue feeling expository, try weaving in the details about Acadia more organically. For example, Bill could reminisce about a past trip or mention a specific memory associated with one of the locations, making it feel more personal.
  • Consider incorporating more physical actions or reactions from Bill during the conversation to visually express his emotional state. For instance, he could fidget with his ice cream bowl or look around the room, emphasizing his discomfort and confusion.
  • Explore the use of silence more effectively in the scene. After Bill's mother leaves, allowing a moment of silence could amplify the tension and give the audience a chance to absorb the emotional weight of the moment.



Scene 26 -  Blood in the Drain
INT. BEVERLY’S APARTMENT, LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

Bev finds HER FATHER (40s) now asleep in front of the TV.
His toolbelt is thrown up on the coffee table. She creeps
over and steals the TAPE MEASURE.


INT. BEVERLY’S APARTMENT, BATHROOM - NIGHT

Beverly stands over the sink basin, tape measure in hand. The
voice is silent.

BEVERLY
Hello?

She unfurls the tape into the drain, its tip disappearing
into the void. FOOT BY FOOT she snakes the tape into the
drain, until it’s fully extended at 20 feet.

She waits for a voice. Nothing.

Slowly, she begins to reel the tape back in, counting down
the length as it winds back in. 16 feet... 15 feet... 14
feet... AT 13 FEET VISCOUS BLOOD COATS THE TAPE.

BEVERLY GASPS and drops the measure. It goes clattering into
the sink, the tape coiling up like a snake, blood flickering
everywhere as she stumbles back, tripping into the shower.

BLOOD GOUTS UP FROM THE SINK DRAIN

Like a demonic ejaculation -- blood splatters the mirror, the
wallpaper, bouncing off walls and covering Beverly. She
SCREAMS and runs out the door...


INT. BEVERLY’S APARTMENT, LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

...into her father, who comes charging up the hall. She
screams again, recoiling away.

MR. MARSH
You okay, Bevvie?

BEVERLY
The bathroom! In the bathroom--

He places his hand on her cheek, tender.

MR. MARSH
Daddy’s here now. It’ll be okay.

He takes her hand. They step into...


INT. BEVERLY’S APARTMENT, BATHROOM - NIGHT

Mr. Marsh looks around, eyes wide, blood splattered
everywhere, but the blood doesn’t register with him.

MR. MARSH
Bevvie, child, what’s my tape
measurer doin’ outta my toolbelt?

He steps over and grabs the BLOOD-COATED TAPE, clipping it
onto his belt, blood on his hands now too.

MR. MARSH (CONT’D)
You should ask me if you want to
touch my things. I ask you, don’t
I?

BEVERLY
I-- I--

He doesn’t seem to see any of it. Only Beverly can. She
realizes this.

He pulls back the shower curtain, leaving behind bloody
fingerprints. A spider scurries toward the drain.

MR. MARSH
Was that it? A spider?

Bev’s speechless. She staggers back. He catches her wrist.

MR. MARSH (CONT’D)
Bevvie, you okay?


BEVERLY
Yes. That’s it. The spider.

MR. MARSH
(smiling)
I thought so. They can’t hurt you.
You know that don’t you?

He crushes the spider under his boot, grinding it in.

BEVERLY
Yes, sir. I’m sorry for waking you.

He comes over to her, smoothing out her hair over her
forehead, proprietary. The blood on her face like finger
paint. This is when he scares her the most.

MR. MARSH
You worry me, Bevvie. You worry me
a lot.

BEVERLY
I know, daddy.

He rests his forehead against hers, breathes in her scent.

MR. MARSH
You’re growing up so quickly.

He looks her up and down.

MR. MARSH (CONT’D)
You were Daddy’s little girl, now,
you’re changing. Tell me you’re
still Daddy’s little girl?

She averts her eyes, nods, placating. Satisfied, he goes back
down the hall to his game. Beverly darts into her bedroom,
slamming the door behind her.
Genres: ["Horror","Drama"]

Summary In a tense and unsettling scene, Beverly discovers her father asleep in the living room and takes his tape measure to investigate a strange noise in the bathroom. When she extends the tape into the drain, she is horrified to find it covered in blood. Startled, she drops the tape, causing blood to erupt from the drain. Beverly screams and runs into her father, who comforts her but remains oblivious to the blood, dismissing it as a spider. This disconnect between Beverly's terror and her father's reassurances highlights her isolation. The scene concludes with Beverly retreating to her bedroom, feeling frightened and confused.
Strengths
  • Effective blending of horror and family drama
  • Strong emotional impact
  • Tension-building atmosphere
Weaknesses
  • Potential for excessive gore or shock value
  • Limited character interaction outside of Beverly and her father

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene is well-crafted, blending horror elements with emotional depth and character development. It effectively builds tension and fear while delving into Beverly's troubled family dynamics.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of blending horror with family drama in a domestic setting is innovative and engaging. The scene effectively explores themes of fear, control, and the loss of innocence.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene revolves around Beverly's terrifying encounter in her own home, adding depth to her character and setting up further developments in the story. It effectively advances the narrative while building tension.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the theme of family dynamics and control, with a focus on the psychological impact of manipulation. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The scene delves into Beverly's complex relationship with her father, showcasing her fear and vulnerability. Mr. Marsh is portrayed as a controlling and unsettling figure, adding depth to the character dynamics.

Character Changes: 8

Beverly undergoes a subtle but significant change in the scene, confronting her fear and asserting her independence in the face of her father's control. This sets up further character development and growth in the story.

Internal Goal: 8

Beverly's internal goal in this scene is to confront her fears and anxieties, particularly related to her father's control over her. This reflects her deeper need for independence and autonomy.

External Goal: 7

Beverly's external goal in this scene is to investigate the mysterious voice she hears in the drain. This reflects the immediate challenge she faces in trying to understand the source of the voice.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, focusing on Beverly's fear and vulnerability in the face of her father's controlling behavior. It creates a sense of unease and tension, driving the emotional impact of the scene.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Beverly facing challenges from both external sources (the mysterious voice) and internal conflicts (her relationship with her father). The audience is kept guessing about the outcome.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes in the scene are high, as Beverly confronts her fear and vulnerability in the face of her father's controlling behavior. The emotional impact and tension are heightened, adding depth to the character dynamics and setting up further developments in the story.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by deepening the character dynamics, setting up further developments in the narrative, and adding layers of tension and fear to the overall plot. It advances the emotional and thematic elements of the story.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected events and twists, such as the appearance of blood in the drain and Mr. Marsh's reaction. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of what will happen next.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the power dynamics between Beverly and her father. Mr. Marsh exerts control and dominance over Beverly, while she struggles to assert her own agency and independence.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking fear, tension, and sadness in the audience. It effectively conveys Beverly's vulnerability and the unsettling nature of her family dynamics, creating a sense of unease and dread.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the tension and fear experienced by Beverly, as well as the unsettling nature of her interactions with her father. It adds depth to the character dynamics and enhances the horror elements.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense and suspenseful atmosphere, as well as the dynamic between the characters. The escalating tension and dramatic events keep the audience invested in the story.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and suspense, with a gradual escalation of events leading to a dramatic climax. The rhythm of the scene enhances its emotional impact.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings and descriptions. The visual elements are effectively conveyed through the formatting.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear transitions between locations and a focus on character interactions. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the effectiveness of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension and horror through the use of visceral imagery, particularly with the blood emerging from the sink. This creates a strong visual impact that aligns with the horror genre, but it may benefit from a more gradual build-up to enhance suspense.
  • Beverly's interaction with her father is chilling, as it juxtaposes her terror with his obliviousness. However, the dialogue could be tightened to make the father's dismissive attitude more pronounced, emphasizing the disconnect between Beverly's reality and his perception.
  • The use of the tape measure as a prop is clever, symbolizing both the search for answers and the descent into horror. However, the mechanics of how Beverly uses it could be clearer; for instance, a brief internal monologue or a flashback could provide context for why she feels compelled to use it.
  • The father's character is portrayed as both caring and menacing, which is effective. However, his dialogue could be more menacing to enhance the tension. Phrases that hint at his controlling nature or past abusive behavior could deepen the audience's discomfort.
  • The pacing of the scene is generally good, but the transition from the bathroom back to the living room feels abrupt. A moment of reflection or hesitation from Beverly could heighten the emotional stakes and allow the audience to feel her fear more acutely.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment of hesitation or internal conflict for Beverly before she uses the tape measure, which could heighten the suspense and make her decision feel more significant.
  • Enhance the father's dialogue to include more subtle threats or controlling language that hints at his abusive nature, making the audience more uneasy about his presence.
  • Incorporate a brief flashback or memory that explains why Beverly is drawn to the drain, which could provide emotional depth and context for her actions.
  • Explore Beverly's emotional state more deeply after the blood incident; perhaps include a moment where she reflects on her father's behavior or her own feelings of fear and confusion.
  • Consider using sound design to amplify the horror elements, such as the sound of the blood gushing or the eerie silence before the blood appears, to create a more immersive experience for the audience.



Scene 27 -  Echoes of Grief
INT. DETAIL ON CEILING - NIGHT

ANGLE ON a wet, dark spot as it grows on a white plaster
ceiling, the first droplet of water forming. SLOW MOTION as
it breaks away and falls through space...

SMASH CUT TO:


INT. BILL’S BEDROOM - NIGHT

...onto Bill’s face. He doesn’t stir. More droplets follow.
Tap, Tap, Tap. Finally, Bill awakes. Looks up at:


A leak in the ceiling.

Bill flips back his covers.


INT. BATHROOM HALLWAY - NIGHT

Bill grabs a bucket from a utility closet and walking back
sees the door open to the GEORGIE’S ROOM, a light on...


INT. GEORGIE’S BEDROOM - NIGHT

Bill enters, the room frozen in time.

GEORGIE’S TOY BOX is open, a Lego Turtle standing next to it,
as if taken out to play.

Bill picks it up and sits down, Turtle in hand. He indulges
in the sadness that has engulfed his home for months. The
loss of his brother hitting him full force, he closes his
eyes to fight back the tears, but cannot.

He cries for Georgie. Photographs of Georgie, illuminated by
passing cars, seem to watch him from the walls.

A SHADOW seems to stretch across Georgie’s room from the
doorway. Bill looks up but no one is there.


INT. CORRIDOR - BILL’S HOUSE - NIGHT

Bill steps out of Georgie’s room and finds DARK FOOTPRINTS IN
THE CARPET. He leans down and touches one -- squishy and
wet. They track down the dark staircase.

Bill, heart pounding, follows the wet footprints down the
stairs, careful not to step in any of them.

BILL
Dad?


INT. DOWNSTAIRS - BILL’S HOUSE - DAY

At the bottom of the stairs Bill finds the footprints lead
TOWARD THE KITCHEN WHERE...

BILL
Ma?

Bill sees a YELLOW FLASH of something ducking around the
corner. Startled, Bill drops the Lego turtle, which smashes
into pieces and scatters across the wood floor...


Bill looks back up the stairs half-expecting his parents to
wake up. Nothing but an eerie silence. He gathers his courage
and follows the wet footprints into...
Genres: ["Horror","Drama"]

Summary Bill wakes up to a water droplet falling on his face, discovering a leak and a light on in his deceased brother Georgie's room. Overwhelmed by grief, he reflects on Georgie's memory while holding a Lego Turtle. Noticing dark, wet footprints leading down the staircase, he calls for his parents but receives no answer. As he follows the footprints into the kitchen, he drops the Lego turtle, shattering it, and gathers his courage to continue into the unknown.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Atmospheric tension
  • Character exploration
Weaknesses
  • Limited dialogue
  • Reliance on visuals

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene is well-crafted in terms of setting the tone and delving into Bill's emotional turmoil. It effectively builds suspense and intrigue, keeping the audience engaged.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring grief, loss, and mystery is compelling and well-executed in the scene. It adds depth to Bill's character and the overall narrative.

Plot: 8

The plot progression in the scene focuses on character development and emotional depth, moving the story forward through Bill's internal struggles.

Originality: 8

The scene is original in its approach to the themes of loss and grief, as well as the use of mysterious elements to create tension. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The scene delves into Bill's character, showcasing his grief and vulnerability. It adds layers to his personality and sets up potential growth.

Character Changes: 8

Bill undergoes emotional changes in the scene, confronting his grief and memories of Georgie. It sets the stage for potential growth and development.

Internal Goal: 9

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to come to terms with the loss of his brother, Georgie. This reflects his deeper need for closure, his fear of moving on, and his desire to remember and honor his brother.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to investigate the mysterious footprints and the yellow flash he sees in the kitchen. This reflects the immediate challenge of confronting the unknown and potentially dangerous presence in his home.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

The conflict in the scene is more internal, focusing on Bill's emotional turmoil and past trauma. It sets up potential external conflicts in the future.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in this scene is strong, with the protagonist facing mysterious footprints, a yellow flash, and a sense of unease in his own home. The audience is unsure of what will happen next.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are high on an emotional level, as Bill grapples with his past trauma and the mystery surrounding Georgie's disappearance.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by delving into Bill's past and emotional state, providing insight into his character and setting up future events.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the mysterious presence in the house, the dark footprints, and the yellow flash. The audience is left wondering what will happen next.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the struggle between holding onto the past and moving forward. Bill's grief and sadness represent the past, while the mysterious presence in his home represents the unknown future.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking feelings of sadness, fear, and curiosity. It resonates with the audience on an emotional level.

Dialogue: 7

The scene relies more on visual storytelling and emotions rather than dialogue. The limited dialogue enhances the atmosphere and mood.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its slow buildup of tension, emotional depth, and mysterious elements. The reader is drawn in by the sense of unease and suspense.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by slowly building tension, allowing for emotional depth, and creating a sense of unease and suspense. The rhythm of the scene keeps the reader engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings, action lines, and dialogue. The visual descriptions enhance the atmosphere of the scene.

Structure: 9

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the effectiveness of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures Bill's emotional turmoil following Georgie's death, using visual elements like the Lego Turtle and the photographs to symbolize his grief. However, the pacing could be improved; the transition from the ceiling leak to Bill's emotional moment feels abrupt. A more gradual build-up to his emotional breakdown could enhance the impact.
  • The use of sound, particularly the 'Tap, Tap, Tap' of the water droplets, is a strong choice that adds to the tension. However, the scene could benefit from more sensory details to immerse the audience further. For example, describing the smell of dampness or the coldness of the air could enhance the atmosphere.
  • The shadow stretching across Georgie's room is a compelling visual cue that hints at something sinister. However, it could be more effective if it were accompanied by a subtle sound or a change in lighting to heighten the suspense. This would create a stronger connection between the visual and emotional elements of the scene.
  • Bill's dialogue is minimal, which works well for conveying his internal struggle. However, adding a line or two of internal monologue could provide deeper insight into his feelings, making his grief more relatable to the audience. This could also serve to contrast his emotional state with the eerie atmosphere.
  • The scene ends with Bill dropping the Lego Turtle, which is a powerful moment symbolizing his loss of innocence. However, the transition to the next scene could be smoother. Instead of abruptly cutting to the kitchen, consider extending the moment of Bill's realization or fear before he follows the footprints, allowing the audience to linger in his emotional state.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more sensory details to enhance the atmosphere, such as the smell of dampness or the coldness of the air, to immerse the audience in Bill's experience.
  • Gradually build up to Bill's emotional breakdown by incorporating more moments of reflection or hesitation, allowing the audience to feel the weight of his grief more profoundly.
  • Enhance the shadow moment with a subtle sound or change in lighting to create a stronger sense of foreboding and connect the visual with Bill's emotional state.
  • Incorporate a line or two of internal monologue to provide deeper insight into Bill's feelings, making his grief more relatable and contrasting it with the eerie atmosphere.
  • Extend the moment of Bill's realization or fear before he follows the footprints, allowing the audience to linger in his emotional state before transitioning to the next scene.



Scene 28 -  Echoes of Fear
INT. KITCHEN - BILL’S HOUSE - DAY

Bill steps in, face to face with THE CELLAR DOOR, the door
creaking closed, light snapped on behind it, footprints
disappearing down into the cellar.

He slowly approaches the door and reaches out for the handle,
but stops with second thoughts. He starts backing away, too
spooked to go down, when he hears...

A CHILD WEEPING BEYOND THE DOOR, then...

BILL
(voice quivering)
Georgie?


INT. CELLAR - BILL’S HOUSE - DAY

Bill opens the door, rickety stairs leading down into
darkness, the weeper somewhere in the recesses, along with
the steady sound of a LEAK.

Steeling himself, Bill descends. He gets to the last few
rungs and is thrown off for a moment seeing HIS REFLECTION in
the basement floor, as if it were A BLACK MIRROR. He realizes

THE CELLAR HAS FLOODED

Bill looks up toward the leak/weeping sound and sees, curled
in the same corner where we had that opening POV...

GEORGIE IN HIS YELLOW SLICKER.

Rain rolling off him like he’s still in a storm flooding the
cellar. He looks up at Bill, his skin bloodless, paper thin.

GEORGIE
I lost it, Billy. Don’t be mad.

BILL
Georgie?

Bill moves to step into the water when he hesitates, holding
his foot over it. He looks to Georgie whose expression of
distress seems insincere.

GEORGIE
It just floated off. But, Bill...


Bill grabs a rake from the wall and pokes its tip into the
water. Impossibly, it goes ALL THE WAY TO THE HILT.

GEORGIE (CONT’D)
If you come with me, you’ll float
too.

Water and muck pour from his mouth as he says these last
words, an endless cascade.

Bill recoils, back-peddling up the steps.

Georgie starts to glide over the water toward Bill, who
realizes there is a creature beyond it, white face half
submerged like a crocodile, propping up Georgie’s body like a
MEAT PUPPET.

PENNYWISE begins to surface.

Horrified, Bill bolts up the steps, slamming and locking the
basement door behind him.


INT. DOWNSTAIRS - BILL’S HOUSE - NIGHT

Bill runs out of the kitchen, sliding on the scattered Legos
and cutting his feet. He bounds up the stairs right into...

His dad, wearing PJs. His mom shows at the door, not happy.

ZACH
Easy! What’s with all the
slammming?


INT. BILL’S HOUSE, BASEMENT DOOR - MOMENTS LATER

Bill and Zach stand over the stairwell. Zach turns the light
on and walks down, much to Bill’s horror...

BILL
Dad? Don’t!

Into a puddle of water.

ZACH
Dry as a bone, Bill. Sure it
wasn’t just a dream?

Bill holds himself, too freaked out to speak.
Genres: ["Horror","Drama"]

Summary In a tense scene, Bill is drawn to the cellar door in his kitchen, where he hears a child weeping. Descending into the flooded cellar, he encounters a ghostly Georgie, who claims to have lost something and invites Bill to join him. Bill's suspicion grows as he notices Georgie's unsettling demeanor and a lurking creature beneath the water. Overcome with panic, he retreats and locks the cellar door, only to be met with skepticism from his father, Zach, who dismisses Bill's fears as a mere dream. The scene captures Bill's internal struggle with fear and trauma, leaving him shaken and doubted.
Strengths
  • Effective blend of horror and emotional depth
  • Strong visual imagery
  • Compelling character development
Weaknesses
  • Minimal dialogue may limit character interactions

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene effectively blends horror and emotional depth, creating a tense and impactful moment for the character of Bill. The suspenseful build-up, coupled with the revelation of Georgie's ghostly presence, adds layers of complexity to the storyline.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of blending horror with emotional trauma is compelling and adds depth to the character of Bill. The scene effectively explores themes of loss and fear in a supernatural context.

Plot: 9

The plot of the scene is crucial in advancing Bill's character arc and deepening the mystery surrounding Pennywise. It introduces high stakes and sets the stage for further developments in the story.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the horror genre by combining psychological elements with supernatural entities. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The scene focuses primarily on Bill's emotional journey, showcasing his grief and fear in a powerful way. The introduction of Pennywise adds complexity to the character dynamics and sets up future conflicts.

Character Changes: 9

Bill undergoes significant emotional growth and transformation in the scene, confronting his past traumas and facing his fears head-on. The encounter with Pennywise marks a turning point in his character development.

Internal Goal: 9

The protagonist's internal goal is to confront his fears and find closure regarding his brother's disappearance. This reflects his deeper need for resolution and his desire to overcome his trauma.

External Goal: 8

The protagonist's external goal is to rescue his brother Georgie from the supernatural entity Pennywise. This reflects the immediate challenge he is facing in the scene.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is intense, both internally for Bill as he faces his deepest fears and externally with the presence of Pennywise. The high stakes and emotional impact drive the tension throughout.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing supernatural threats and internal fears that create uncertainty and suspense.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in the scene, with Bill facing supernatural terror and confronting the ghost of his deceased brother. The threat of Pennywise looms large, adding a sense of danger and urgency.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward by deepening the mystery of Pennywise, advancing Bill's character arc, and raising the stakes for the Losers Club. It sets the stage for further revelations and conflicts.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected appearance of Pennywise and the twist with Georgie's character.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the battle between fear and courage. Bill must confront his deepest fears to save his brother, which challenges his beliefs and values.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9.5

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking feelings of terror, grief, and suspense in the audience. The haunting imagery and poignant moments with Bill and Georgie resonate deeply.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene is minimal but impactful, conveying the emotional turmoil of Bill and the chilling presence of Pennywise effectively. The sparse dialogue enhances the tension and suspense of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its suspenseful atmosphere, emotional stakes, and supernatural elements that keep the audience on edge.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the outcome.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of the scene is well-executed, with clear scene descriptions and character actions.

Structure: 9

The scene follows the expected structure for a horror genre, building tension and suspense effectively.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension through the use of sound and visual imagery, particularly with the child weeping and the flooded cellar. However, the transition from Bill's fear to the revelation of Georgie could be more gradual to enhance the emotional impact.
  • Bill's internal conflict is well-established, but his hesitation before stepping into the water could be expanded upon. Adding more internal dialogue or physical reactions could deepen the audience's connection to his fear and uncertainty.
  • The dialogue between Bill and Georgie is chilling, but Georgie's lines could be more ambiguous to heighten the sense of dread. Instead of directly stating 'I lost it,' a more cryptic or haunting phrase could leave the audience questioning Georgie's true nature.
  • The description of Georgie's appearance is effective, but it could benefit from more sensory details. For example, describing the smell of the water or the coldness of the cellar could enhance the atmosphere and make the scene more immersive.
  • The reveal of Pennywise is impactful, but the pacing could be adjusted. The moment when Georgie starts to glide over the water could be drawn out longer to build suspense before the reveal, allowing the audience to feel Bill's horror more acutely.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more internal monologue for Bill as he approaches the cellar door, reflecting on his fears and memories of Georgie to create a stronger emotional foundation.
  • Enhance the ambiguity of Georgie's character by having him speak in riddles or phrases that could be interpreted in multiple ways, increasing the tension and uncertainty.
  • Incorporate more sensory details to immerse the audience in the scene, such as the coldness of the water, the smell of mildew, or the sound of dripping water echoing in the cellar.
  • Extend the moment of Bill's hesitation before stepping into the water, allowing the audience to feel the weight of his decision and the fear of what lies beneath.
  • Adjust the pacing of the reveal of Pennywise by drawing out the moment when Georgie glides over the water, allowing for a more gradual build-up of tension before the horror is fully revealed.



Scene 29 -  Breaking Free
INT. TRAVIS BOWERS HOUSE, TRAVIS’ BEDROOM - DAY

Travis puts cream on FRESH BELT LASHES across his back. All
around him on the walls are posters of monster trucks.

A HONK from outside.

He throws down his shirt and goes into the

LIVING ROOM

Passing his father, Officer Bowers. In his knock off La-Z-Boy
drinking a beer and watching the newest episode of ‘COPS’.

OFFICER BOWERS
Where you off to?

TRAVIS
Out with the guys.

Travis goes to pass him. Officer Bowers reaches out and stops
his son from going any further. Travis straightens. Knows the
routine all too well --

TRAVIS (CONT’D)
Vic’s house. Probably stop at Red
Apple first, pick up some things.

Officer Bowers stares him down. Like he isn’t sure what to do
with his son. Most likely knock him around some more. But
nah, too much work right now.

OFFICER BOWERS
Get me another beer from the fridge
before you leave.


EXT. TRAVIS BOWERS HOUSE - MOMENTS LATER

Travis runs out to Victor and Belch waiting in Victor’s Trans
Am. Belch is in the Passenger Seat.

TRAVIS
Out.

BELCH
I thought--

TRAVIS
Did I fuckin’ stutter?

Belch gets in the back.


BELCH
You hear from Hockstetter any? Vic
and I are wondering --

TRAVIS
Who cares.

VICTOR
What about your dad? He get on you
about the knife?

TRAVIS
That fat ass knows he touches me
I’ll rip his head off. Now can you
fucking drive please and thank you
very fucking much?

BELCH
Where to?

And as if to answer to his question, Mike rides by on his
bike. Off to collect more payments.

TRAVIS
Go.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In a tense scene, Travis Bowers tends to fresh belt lashes on his back, revealing a history of abuse at home. His father, Officer Bowers, embodies a neglectful and controlling figure, demanding Travis fetch him a beer. After a brief and strained exchange, Travis rushes outside to meet his friends, Victor and Belch, who express concern for another friend. However, Travis dismisses their worries and shows anger towards his father, highlighting his desire to escape his troubled home life. The scene concludes with Travis insisting that Victor drive, emphasizing his urgency to break free from his oppressive environment.
Strengths
  • Intense character dynamics
  • Tension-filled dialogue
  • Emotional depth
Weaknesses
  • Limited plot progression
  • Focused on a single relationship dynamic

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.2

The scene effectively conveys tension and conflict through the interaction between Travis and his father, setting up a dynamic that adds depth to Travis's character.


Story Content

Concept: 8.3

The concept of exploring the strained relationship between a rebellious son and his authoritative father is engaging and adds depth to the characters.

Plot: 8

The plot progression in this scene focuses on the conflict between Travis and his father, setting up potential future developments in their relationship.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh take on the coming-of-age genre by focusing on the gritty realities of a dysfunctional family dynamic. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and grounded in reality.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters of Travis and his father are well-developed in this scene, showcasing their conflicting personalities and motivations.

Character Changes: 8

Travis's defiance and rebellion are highlighted in this scene, showcasing a potential shift in his character arc.

Internal Goal: 8

Travis' internal goal in this scene is to assert his independence and defiance against his father's authority. This reflects his deeper need for autonomy and freedom from his father's control.

External Goal: 7

Travis' external goal is to go out with his friends and avoid confrontation with his father. This reflects the immediate challenge of navigating his strained relationship with his father while maintaining his social life.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8.8

The conflict between Travis and his father is intense and drives the emotional core of the scene, creating a compelling dynamic.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Officer Bowers exerting control over Travis and creating a sense of conflict and tension.

High Stakes: 8

The high stakes in the scene revolve around the strained relationship between Travis and his father, hinting at potential consequences for their actions.

Story Forward: 8

While the scene focuses more on character dynamics than plot progression, it sets the stage for future developments in the story.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting power dynamics between Travis and Officer Bowers, keeping the audience on edge about their next move.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the clash between authority and rebellion, as represented by Officer Bowers and Travis. This challenges Travis' beliefs about autonomy and respect.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene evokes strong emotions through the tense interaction between Travis and his father, drawing the audience into their conflicting world.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue effectively conveys the tension and power dynamics between Travis and his father, adding depth to their relationship.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the intense conflict and tension between the characters, as well as the relatable themes of family dynamics and teenage rebellion.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged in the characters' emotional journey.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene headings and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a character-driven drama, with clear character motivations and conflict driving the narrative forward.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes Travis's abusive home life and his relationship with his father, Officer Bowers. The physical act of applying cream to his belt lashes is a strong visual that conveys his suffering without needing explicit dialogue about it. However, the scene could benefit from deeper emotional exploration of Travis's character. While we see his anger and defiance, we don't get a sense of his internal conflict or vulnerability, which could make him a more relatable character.
  • The dialogue between Travis and Officer Bowers feels somewhat clichéd and could be more nuanced. The father-son dynamic is established, but it lacks depth. Instead of just a power struggle, consider adding layers to their relationship, such as moments of genuine concern or regret from Officer Bowers, which could complicate Travis's feelings towards him.
  • The transition from the tense interaction with Officer Bowers to the casual banter with his friends feels abrupt. It would be beneficial to include a moment of reflection or a visual cue that shows Travis's emotional state as he leaves the oppressive environment of his home. This could enhance the contrast between his home life and his interactions with friends.
  • The dialogue among Travis and his friends is functional but lacks distinct voices. Each character should have a unique way of speaking that reflects their personality. For example, Belch's dialogue could be more playful or sarcastic to differentiate him from Travis's aggressive tone.
  • The scene ends rather abruptly without a strong hook or emotional payoff. Consider adding a moment that foreshadows the impending conflict or danger, perhaps through a visual or auditory cue that hints at the larger narrative at play.
Suggestions
  • Explore Travis's internal conflict more deeply. Consider adding a moment where he reflects on his situation or expresses his feelings about his father, which could create empathy for his character.
  • Enhance the dialogue between Travis and Officer Bowers to include more emotional complexity. Perhaps Officer Bowers could show a moment of vulnerability or regret, complicating their relationship.
  • Include a visual or auditory cue that signifies Travis's emotional state as he leaves his home. This could be a lingering shot of the house or a sound that represents his turmoil.
  • Differentiate the characters' voices in the dialogue. Give each friend a distinct way of speaking that reflects their personality, making the interactions feel more authentic.
  • Add a stronger ending to the scene that hints at future conflict or danger, creating a sense of anticipation for the audience.



Scene 30 -  The Blood in Beverly's Bathroom
EXT. LOWER MAIN STREET - CONTINUOUS

Bill and Richie wait as Ben, Stanley and Eddie join them.

STANLEY
What’s going on?

BILL
Bev called. She’s freaked out about
something... Sh-sh-she told us to
wait out here until --

Beverly bursts out of the Apartment Building.

BEVERLY
You made it. I need to show you
guys something...

BEN
What is it?

RICHIE
Did we just win the Publishers
Clearing house ten million dollar
sweepstakes? If Ed McMahon is in
there I’m to going to lose my sh--


BEVERLY
I just need to know I’m not crazy.
But my Dad will kill me if he finds
out I had boys in our apartment.

BILL
We’ll leave a lookout. Richie?

RICHIE
Yeah, whatever. Ed McMahon can
wait...

Bill, Stanley, Ben and Eddie go with Beverly.


INT. BEVERLY’S APARTMENT - DAY

Beverly opens the door. Afternoon sunlight illuminates
floating dust motes as Bill, Ben, Stanley and Eddie follow
her to the closed BATHROOM DOOR.

BEVERLY
In there.

STANLEY
What are we about to walk into?

BEVERLY
You’ll see.

She has no intention of going in. Bill pushes past Ben and
opens the door.

EDDIE
Oh God. Oh God.

THE BLOOD

Still there, faded into maroon clouds on the mirror and
wallpaper. Eddie reels back into the hallway with Beverly.
She looks from Ben to Bill.

BEVERLY
You see it?

Bill nods.

BILL
What happened?

Beverly is so relieved she almost cries.


BEVERLY
The sink. It came out from there.
My Dad couldn’t see it. I thought I
was going crazy...

BILL
You’re not going crazy. I saw
something too.

STANLEY
You did?

BILL
Georgie.

EDDIE
Like a ghost?

BILL
N-no. He tried to get me to go into
the basement with him. It wasn’t
just him either. I saw this
other... I don’t know.

STANLEY
What’d you see, Bill?

EDDIE
The clown, right?

Bill doesn’t say anything. Which says it all. Eddie starts to
hyperventilate. Everyone looks over at him.

BEVERLY
You okay, Eddie?

BILL
Go outside. Keep Richie company,
okay?

Eddie just nods and walks out the door.

BILL (CONT’D)
We can’t leave it like this.


INT. BEVERLY’S BATHROOM - DAY

Bill, Stanley, Ben and Beverly clean like grim elves, using a
bucket of hot water, ajax, and some cloth rags. Slowly the
blood washes out. Reaching for the same rag, Bill and Bev’s
hands touch, a spark between them.


EXT. BEVERLY’S HOUSE - DAY

Eddie and Richie stand lookout on the curb below. Eddie still
disturbed by what he saw.

EDDIE
So much blood...
Genres: ["Horror","Drama","Mystery"]

Summary Bill and Richie wait for their friends outside Beverly's apartment when she rushes out, anxious about her father's potential reaction to having boys inside. They enter her apartment and discover faded blood on the bathroom mirror and wallpaper, confirming Beverly's fears and shocking the group. Bill hints at a connection to his brother Georgie, and the friends decide to clean the blood together, supporting each other amidst their fears. The scene captures a tense yet camaraderie-filled moment as they confront the unsettling discovery.
Strengths
  • Building tension
  • Creating suspense
  • Character development
  • Emotional impact
Weaknesses
  • Potential for cliched horror tropes
  • Lack of diversity in character reactions

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively combines elements of horror, drama, and mystery to create a tense and suspenseful atmosphere. The discovery of the blood in the bathroom adds a layer of fear and intrigue, while the characters' reactions and interactions enhance the emotional impact of the scene.


Story Content

Concept: 8.5

The concept of discovering blood in the bathroom adds a layer of mystery and horror to the story, setting the stage for deeper exploration of the supernatural elements at play in the narrative. The scene effectively introduces key themes of fear, family dynamics, and the unknown.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene revolves around the discovery of the blood in the bathroom, which not only adds to the overarching mystery of the story but also deepens the emotional connections between the characters. The scene moves the plot forward by introducing new conflicts and revelations.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to supernatural elements and horror tropes, blending them with elements of mystery and suspense. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and relatable, adding to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters' reactions to the blood in the bathroom reveal their individual fears, vulnerabilities, and strengths, adding depth to their personalities and relationships. The scene allows for character development and showcases the dynamics within the group.

Character Changes: 8

The characters undergo subtle changes as they confront the supernatural presence in the bathroom and work together to clean up the blood. Their reactions and interactions reveal new facets of their personalities and relationships, setting the stage for further development.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to validate their experiences and fears, seeking reassurance and confirmation from their friends. This reflects their deeper need for validation and understanding in the face of supernatural occurrences.

External Goal: 7.5

The protagonist's external goal is to investigate the source of the blood in the bathroom and address the supernatural presence in the apartment. This reflects the immediate challenge they are facing in the scene.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The scene is filled with internal and external conflicts, as the characters confront their fears, uncertainties, and the mysterious presence of the blood in the bathroom. The escalating tension and sense of danger raise the stakes for the characters.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the characters facing a supernatural threat that challenges their beliefs and fears. The uncertainty of the situation adds to the tension and suspense of the scene.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in the scene as the characters confront a supernatural presence and grapple with their own fears and vulnerabilities. The discovery of the blood in the bathroom raises the stakes for the characters, setting the stage for greater challenges and dangers.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing a new mystery and deepening the characters' connections to the supernatural elements at play. The discovery of the blood in the bathroom sets the stage for future conflicts, revelations, and character growth.

Unpredictability: 8.5

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected supernatural elements and the characters' reactions to them. The audience is kept guessing about the source of the blood and the true nature of the haunting.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the characters' beliefs in the supernatural and their ability to confront and overcome their fears. This challenges the protagonist's worldview and understanding of reality.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene has a strong emotional impact, evoking fear, anxiety, and relief in the characters and the audience. The discovery of the blood in the bathroom elicits a range of emotions, deepening the connection to the story and the characters' experiences.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the characters' emotions, fears, and concerns, enhancing the overall tension and suspense. The interactions between the characters feel authentic and contribute to the development of their relationships.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its blend of mystery, horror, and suspense, keeping the audience on edge and invested in the characters' journey. The dialogue and interactions between characters are compelling and relatable.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and suspense gradually, leading to a climactic reveal of the blood in the bathroom. The rhythm of the dialogue and action keeps the audience engaged and invested in the story.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting. The visual descriptions and action lines are concise and effective.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness in building tension and suspense.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension and suspense, particularly through Beverly's urgency and the group's apprehension about what they might find. However, the dialogue could be tightened to enhance the pacing. For instance, Richie’s joke about the Publishers Clearing House feels slightly out of place given the gravity of the situation, which could detract from the overall tension.
  • Beverly's fear of her father's reaction adds a layer of complexity to her character, but this could be further emphasized. Perhaps a brief flashback or a line of dialogue reflecting on past experiences with her father could deepen the audience's understanding of her fear.
  • The transition from the exterior to the interior of Beverly's apartment is smooth, but the description of the apartment could be more vivid. Adding sensory details about the apartment's atmosphere—like the smell, clutter, or the state of disrepair—could enhance the setting and reflect Beverly's emotional state.
  • The moment when Bill and Beverly's hands touch while cleaning the blood is a nice touch, suggesting a budding connection. However, this moment could be expanded upon with a brief internal monologue from Bill, reflecting on his feelings for Beverly, which would add depth to their relationship.
  • Eddie's reaction to the blood is a strong emotional beat, but it could be more impactful if his hyperventilation was foreshadowed earlier in the scene. Perhaps he could show signs of anxiety before entering the apartment, which would make his reaction feel more earned.
Suggestions
  • Consider revising Richie's dialogue to maintain the tension of the scene. A more serious or concerned response could better match the mood.
  • Add a brief flashback or line of dialogue that hints at Beverly's past experiences with her father to deepen her character and the stakes of the situation.
  • Enhance the description of Beverly's apartment to create a more immersive atmosphere, reflecting her emotional turmoil and the horror of the situation.
  • Expand on the moment of connection between Bill and Beverly by including Bill's internal thoughts, which would add emotional weight to their interaction.
  • Foreshadow Eddie's anxiety earlier in the scene to make his reaction to the blood more impactful and believable.



Scene 31 -  Aftermath and Reassurance
INT. BEVERLY’S BATHROOM - DAY

While Ben and Stanley carry out trash bags of soaked towels,
Bill and Beverly pour the last bucket of pink water down the
bathtub drain. The bathroom now as clean as it ever was. The
bucket is filled with blood stained rags.

BEVERLY
January embers...

BILL
Huh?

BEVERLY
The poem?

BILL
(embarrassed)
I don’t really know much poetry.

He turns on the faucet to flush out the sink.

BEVERLY
Oh. Nevermind then. I was just...

They watch the water cyclone around the drain. Hoping the
awkwardness will get flushed away too...

BEVERLY (CONT’D)
It’s not true, y’know. What they
say about me...

BILL
I know. I never b-believed it. None
of us do. We like ha-hanging with
you...

Beverly smiles. Relieved. Shuts off the water.

BEVERLY
Thanks, Bill.


BILL
Don’t thank me too much.
Unfortunately according to most
people hanging with us makes you a
loser...
Genres: ["Drama","Horror"]

Summary In Beverly's bathroom, Ben and Stanley clean up trash bags filled with soaked towels while Bill and Beverly finish washing the bathtub, revealing blood-stained rags that hint at a traumatic event. Beverly tries to share a poem but finds herself in an awkward moment when Bill admits he knows little about poetry. She reassures him that the negative rumors about her aren't true, and Bill expresses his support, emphasizing their friendship. The scene captures a mix of tension and relief as Beverly feels comforted by Bill's words, despite the lingering shadows of their recent experience.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Intimate dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Lack of external conflict
  • Limited plot progression

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys a sense of unease and emotional depth through the characters' interactions and the revelation of the blood-stained rags. The dialogue between Bill and Beverly adds layers to their relationship and showcases their individual vulnerabilities.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene revolves around the aftermath of a traumatic discovery and the characters' reactions to it, exploring themes of vulnerability and friendship.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene focuses on the characters' emotional response to the blood-stained rags and their interactions with each other, setting up future conflicts and developments.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh approach to exploring themes of friendship, acceptance, and self-perception. The characters' interactions feel genuine and relatable, adding authenticity to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters in the scene, particularly Bill and Beverly, are well-developed and their vulnerabilities are effectively portrayed, adding depth to their personalities and relationships.

Character Changes: 8

The characters, especially Beverly, undergo emotional changes as they confront the disturbing discovery in the bathroom and find support in each other.

Internal Goal: 8

Beverly's internal goal in this scene is to seek validation and reassurance from Bill about the rumors surrounding her. She wants to feel accepted and valued by her friends.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to clean up the bathroom and get rid of the evidence of their recent activities. This reflects the immediate challenge of covering up their actions.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

The conflict in the scene is more internal and emotional, as the characters grapple with their fears and insecurities rather than external threats.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create conflict and tension, challenging the characters' beliefs and values. The uncertainty of how the characters will resolve their differences adds intrigue.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes in the scene are more personal and emotional, as the characters confront their fears and vulnerabilities within the safety of their group.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by deepening the relationships between the characters and setting the stage for future conflicts and developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected vulnerability and honesty displayed by the characters, adding depth to their relationships and motivations.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the characters' perceptions of social status and acceptance. Bill's comment about hanging out with them making someone a loser challenges Beverly's beliefs about friendship and belonging.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, as the characters' vulnerabilities and fears are laid bare, creating a sense of intimacy and connection with the audience.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene is intimate and revealing, showcasing the characters' emotions and insecurities in a natural and engaging way.

Engagement: 8

This scene is engaging because of the emotional dynamics between the characters and the underlying tension that keeps the audience invested in their interactions.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotional depth, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the characters' interactions.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions. The dialogue is formatted correctly, enhancing readability.

Structure: 9

The scene follows a well-defined structure that effectively builds tension and emotional depth. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the overall effectiveness of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the tension and awkwardness following a traumatic event, showcasing the characters' emotional states. However, the dialogue feels somewhat stilted at times, particularly in Beverly's line about the poem. It could benefit from a more natural flow to enhance the authenticity of their interaction.
  • The use of the pink water and blood-stained rags serves as a strong visual metaphor for the trauma they are dealing with, but the significance of the poem is not fully explored. It would be beneficial to provide a brief context or a line that connects the poem to their current situation, deepening the emotional resonance.
  • Bill's stutter is a crucial aspect of his character, but it feels underutilized in this scene. Incorporating more instances of his stutter could enhance the tension and highlight his vulnerability, especially in a moment where he is trying to reassure Beverly.
  • The scene's pacing is slightly off; the transition from cleaning to the emotional exchange could be smoother. The awkwardness is palpable, but it might be more impactful if the characters engaged in a brief moment of silence or shared a look before speaking, allowing the weight of the situation to settle.
  • Beverly's reassurance to Bill about the rumors is a nice touch, but it could be more powerful if she elaborated on her feelings or experiences related to those rumors. This would not only deepen her character but also strengthen the bond between her and Bill.
Suggestions
  • Consider revising Beverly's line about the poem to make it more relatable or relevant to their situation. Perhaps she could reference a specific line that resonates with her feelings about their friendship or the trauma they just faced.
  • Enhance Bill's stutter throughout the scene to emphasize his emotional state and vulnerability. This could help convey the weight of the moment and make his reassurance to Beverly feel more genuine.
  • Add a moment of silence or a shared look between Bill and Beverly before they speak, allowing the tension and emotional weight of the scene to build before they engage in dialogue.
  • Explore Beverly's feelings about the rumors more deeply. A line or two that reflects her internal struggle could add depth to her character and strengthen her connection with Bill.
  • Consider incorporating more sensory details to enhance the atmosphere of the scene. Describing the sounds of the water, the smell of the cleaning products, or the feeling of the wet towels could create a more immersive experience for the audience.



Scene 32 -  The Losers Unite
INT. BEVERLY’S APARTMENT, BEDROOM - CONTINUOUS

Ben stands, stunned at the wonder of being in her room. He
hears a giggle and looks out into the hall. Sees Bill and Bev
at the end of it, having their moment.

CUT TO:

A PUDDLE.

Reflection of the Losers’ ripple away as they push their
bikes through it, walking along the stretch of

KANSAS STREET

That borders the Barrens.

Beverly looks over at Bill. His brow furrowed. Like he’s
trying to solve a complicated math problem in his head.

BEVERLY
What is it, Bill?

BILL
All that blood at your place, and
you s-say your folks didn’t see any
of it... Last night at my house,
with Georgie and the water, my Dad
just acted like everything was
normal... I think if you’re a grown
up...

EDDIE
They can’t see It.

RICHIE
Can’t see what?

BEVERLY
It.

BILL
That’s why the cops won’t help, our
parents, teachers...

They stop. Because up ahead they see VICTOR’S TRANS AM.
Parked on the side of the road.


EDDIE
We should --

BILL
Wait.

He points to MIKE’S BIKE tangled in the weeds next to it.

BILL (CONT’D)
Isn’t that Mike’s?

BEVERLY
We have to help him.

RICHIE
We do?

BILL
If we don’t, who will? That could
be any one of us...

CUT TO:

A PILE OF FRESH, GROUND MEAT. Raw, bloody. A fly buzzes
around it. Like, jackpot...

TRAVIS (O.S.)
Eat it.

Belch and Victor continue laughing as --

Travis’ WORK BOOT pushes Mike’s head closer to the meat in
the dirt. Mike tries to resist. But Travis pushes harder.

We’re in the

BARRENS

TRAVIS (CONT’D)
Eat it, ya fucking mutt.

Mike’s nose touches the wet meat. The faintest squish.

Travis pushes down again -- Mike’s hands slip in the gravel --
splat! -- his face goes into the meat.

Travis and his Boys whoop it up.

Still flat on the ground, Mike wipes the meat off his face.
And even in the midst of this, something BRIGHT RED in the
brown and green Barrens catches his eye.

A CLOWN?!


Watching from the fringe.

Applauding the --

WHAM!

Mike gets kicked in the head. Damn, that hurt. Pushed to the
brink, he forgets what the fuck he just saw. Grabs a fistful
of meat and --

Whips it up at Travis and his Boys. Covers them in blood and
ribbons of lamb and beef.

Mike tries to scramble away but --

Belch hooks him by the collar. Throws him back down into the
gravel. Travis jumps on top. Grabs a handful of gravel and --

WHAM!

Travis gets hit HARD in the face with a rock. That’ll leave a
nasty wound that won’t go away for the rest of our story.

Attention snaps over to the --

LOSERS. Standing like saviors.

RICHIE
Holy shit.

STANLEY
Nice throw.

BEVERLY
Thanks. But don’t act so surprised.

BILL
(to Mike)
RUN!

Mike uses the second of distraction to push off of Travis and
get back onto his feet. He races over to join the Losers’.

RICHIE
ROCK WAR!

WHAM! Richie gets pegged with a Rock thrown by Belch. Maybe
he should have kept his trashmouth shut.

Loser’s pick up more rocks. Starts whipping ‘em at Travis,
Victor, Patrick, and Snatch.

The Bowers Gang returns fire. Everybody ducks for cover,
trying not to get hit. It’s a brutal battle.


Cornered, Bill yells out his orders --

BILL
Run!

They do. And don’t stop until they’re safe. And as they all
catch their breaths on

CANAL STREET

Mike turns to the group.

MIKE
Thanks but you shouldn’t have done
that. He’ll be after you now too.

EDDIE
Travis? He’s always after us.

BILL
I-I guess that’s one thing we all
have in common...

RICHIE
Yeah, Homeschool. Welcome to the
Losers Club...

Off our Losers --


TITLE CARD OVER A MANHOLE COVER MARKED “DERRY PUBLIC WORKS”



JULY
A foot steps over it as we pan up to...
Genres: ["Horror","Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In Beverly's bedroom, Ben is momentarily lost in his feelings for her until he witnesses her sharing a moment with Bill. The scene shifts to Kansas Street, where the Losers discuss the adults' blindness to the supernatural entity 'It.' They find Mike's bike tangled in weeds and rush to help him as he faces bullying from Travis and his gang. In a chaotic rock fight, the Losers intervene, successfully rescuing Mike and solidifying their bond as they confront the dangers ahead.
Strengths
  • Strong character dynamics
  • Intense conflict resolution
  • Emotional depth
  • Compelling theme exploration
Weaknesses
  • Potential for graphic violence
  • Lack of resolution for secondary plotlines

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.7

The scene effectively combines elements of horror, drama, and thriller genres to create a tense and suspenseful atmosphere. The character dynamics, emotional depth, and high stakes contribute to a compelling narrative.


Story Content

Concept: 8.6

The concept of the Losers Club uniting against bullies is a powerful and relatable theme that resonates with audiences. The scene effectively explores the dynamics of friendship, courage, and standing up for what is right.

Plot: 8.7

The plot of the scene is engaging, with a clear conflict, character motivations, and a sense of progression. The introduction of stakes, the development of tension, and the resolution through action drive the narrative forward.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the theme of friendship and courage in the face of danger. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 8.8

The characters in the scene are well-developed, each with distinct personalities, motivations, and reactions that drive the story forward. The dynamics between the Losers Club members and their growth through the conflict are compelling.

Character Changes: 9

The characters undergo growth, bonding, and empowerment through their actions in the scene. The experience of standing up against bullies and supporting each other leads to personal development and strengthened relationships.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to protect his friends and stand up against bullies. This reflects his need for belonging and courage in the face of adversity.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to help his friend Mike and stand up against the bullies. This reflects the immediate challenge of facing physical danger and injustice.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is intense, with high stakes, emotional impact, and a sense of urgency driving the characters' actions. The confrontation with the bullies escalates the tension and highlights the bravery of the Losers Club.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the bullies posing a real threat to the protagonists. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how the conflict will be resolved.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes in the scene are high, with the physical and emotional well-being of the characters at risk. The confrontation with the bullies, the sense of danger, and the need to protect each other elevate the tension and importance of the events.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by deepening character relationships, introducing new challenges, and setting up future conflicts. The resolution of the immediate conflict propels the narrative towards further developments.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists and turns in the characters' actions and the escalating conflict with the bullies.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict is between standing up for what is right and the fear of retaliation. It challenges the protagonist's beliefs in justice and loyalty.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.7

The scene evokes fear, anxiety, tension, and empathy in the audience, creating a strong emotional connection to the characters and their struggles. The moments of bravery, camaraderie, and vulnerability enhance the emotional impact.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene is impactful, revealing character emotions, relationships, and conflicts. The exchanges between the characters are authentic, engaging, and contribute to the overall tension and drama.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its mix of tension, action, and emotional depth. The conflict and stakes are clear, keeping the audience invested in the characters' journey.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension, escalating the conflict, and keeping the audience engaged in the characters' journey.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings and action descriptions. The dialogue is well-formatted and engaging.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm contribute to its effectiveness.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the camaraderie and bravery of the Losers as they band together to confront a bully, which is a central theme of the story. However, the transition from the reflective moment in Beverly's bedroom to the action in the Barrens feels abrupt. A smoother transition could enhance the flow and maintain the emotional stakes.
  • The dialogue is engaging and captures the characters' personalities well, particularly Bill's leadership and Eddie's anxiousness. However, some lines could be tightened for clarity and impact. For instance, Bill's line about adults not seeing 'It' could be more concise to maintain the scene's pacing.
  • The visual imagery of the raw meat and the clown adds a layer of horror and surrealism, effectively tying back to the overarching theme of fear. However, the introduction of the clown could be more subtle to build suspense rather than revealing it outright. This would allow for a more gradual buildup of tension.
  • The action sequence is dynamic and captures the chaos of the confrontation well. However, the stakes could be raised further by emphasizing the consequences of the fight. For example, showing the emotional toll on Mike after being bullied could deepen the audience's investment in the characters' struggles.
  • The ending with the title card is intriguing but could benefit from a stronger emotional resonance. Instead of a simple title card, consider incorporating a moment of reflection or dialogue that ties back to the themes of friendship and fear, reinforcing the emotional stakes as they transition to the next scene.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of hesitation or fear before the Losers decide to confront Travis, which would heighten the tension and showcase their bravery in the face of danger.
  • Revise some of the dialogue for brevity and impact, ensuring that each line serves to advance the plot or deepen character relationships.
  • Introduce the clown in a more subtle manner, perhaps through Mike's perspective, allowing the audience to feel his fear and confusion before revealing the clown's presence.
  • Incorporate a moment that highlights the emotional aftermath of the fight for Mike, showing how the bullying affects him and reinforcing the theme of solidarity among the Losers.
  • Instead of a title card, consider ending the scene with a poignant line or moment that encapsulates the Losers' bond and their shared struggles, creating a stronger emotional connection as they move forward.



Scene 33 -  Fears Unveiled on Canal Street
EXT. CANAL STREET - DAY

The Town prepares for a celebration. Red, White and Blue
Banners. Fireworks For Sale Signs. A Brass Band rehearses.

BEN
(pre-lap)
I was thinking about It. Ironworks
explosion in 1904. Bradley Gang in
‘32. The Black Spot in ‘59. And now
with Georgie, Dorsey and the
rest... It seems like this bad
stuff happens nearly every thirty
years...


We find the Losers in

MONUMENT SQUARE

On a bench by the Paul Bunyan Statue.

STANLEY
So what -- this town is cursed?

MIKE
That’s what my grandfather
thinks...

All eyes on Mike.

MIKE (CONT’D)
You guys know what a haunt is?

RICHIE
You mean like in a ‘who-ya-gonna-
call’ sense?

MIKE
No, not like that... A haunt can
also mean like a feeding ground for
animals... Or for something else...
My grandfather told me he thinks
all the bad things that happen in
this town are caused by one
thing... An evil thing... that
feeds off the people of Derry...

STANLEY
But It can’t be one thing. We’re
all seeing something different...

MIKE
Yeah, but I think it’s because It
uses our worst fears to scare us...

BILL
I guess that’s why I’m seeing
Georgie...

EDDIE
I saw a walking infection. What’d
you see, Mike? Anything?

MIKE
Hands. Lots of hands, melted
together by fire...

RICHIE
Oh my God. That. Sounds. Awesome.


MIKE
Well, what are you afraid of?

RICHIE
Clowns.
Genres: ["Horror","Mystery","Drama"]

Summary During a town celebration on Canal Street, the Losers gather by the Paul Bunyan Statue to discuss the dark history of Derry. Mike shares his grandfather's belief in a cursed town haunted by an evil entity that thrives on fear. As they reflect on their personal fears, including traumatic memories and Richie's humorous fear of clowns, the group grapples with the unsettling nature of their town's past. The scene blends a festive atmosphere with a serious exploration of fear, ending on a light-hearted note.
Strengths
  • Effective tension-building
  • Intriguing concept
  • Emotional depth
  • Character dynamics
  • Compelling dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Limited action
  • Heavy exposition
  • Lack of visual cues

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.7

The scene effectively builds tension and intrigue through the characters' discussion of their fears and the presence of an evil entity in Derry. The emotional depth and character dynamics add layers to the narrative, making it engaging and compelling.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of an evil entity feeding off the fears of the people in Derry is intriguing and sets up a compelling mystery for the characters to unravel. The discussion of haunts and worst fears adds depth to the narrative and enhances the overall atmosphere of the scene.

Plot: 8.5

The plot of the scene revolves around the characters' discovery of the haunting entity in Derry and their realization of the danger it poses. The progression of the plot is well-paced, with each character contributing to the unfolding mystery.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the supernatural horror genre by exploring the characters' individual fears and the concept of a malevolent entity feeding off those fears. The authenticity of the characters' reactions and dialogue adds depth to the familiar trope of a cursed town.


Character Development

Characters: 8.7

The characters in the scene are well-developed, each revealing their fears and vulnerabilities, deepening their relationships with one another. The dynamics between the Losers Club members add richness to the narrative and drive the emotional core of the scene.

Character Changes: 9

The characters undergo subtle changes in the scene, revealing their vulnerabilities, fears, and bonds with one another. The shared experience deepens their relationships and sets the stage for further character development.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to understand the source of the town's recurring tragedies and confront their own fears. This reflects their deeper need for closure and resolution, as well as their desire to protect themselves and their friends.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to uncover the truth about the evil entity causing the town's troubles and to find a way to defeat it. This reflects the immediate challenge they are facing in dealing with the supernatural threat.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8.5

The conflict in the scene arises from the characters' fears, suspicions, and the looming threat of the evil entity in Derry. The internal and external conflicts drive the narrative forward and heighten the tension among the characters.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, as the characters face a supernatural threat that challenges their beliefs and fears. The uncertainty about the nature of the evil entity adds to the tension and suspense of the scene.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in the scene as the characters confront their worst fears, uncover the presence of an evil entity in Derry, and realize the imminent danger they face. The sense of peril and mystery heightens the tension and urgency of the narrative.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by introducing the haunting entity in Derry, deepening the characters' relationships, and setting up the central mystery of the narrative. The revelations and discussions propel the plot towards a darker and more suspenseful direction.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it introduces new information about the nature of the evil entity and the characters' fears, keeping the audience guessing about the outcome of their confrontation.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the characters' differing beliefs about the nature of the evil entity and how to confront it. Some believe it is a singular entity feeding off fear, while others see it as a more complex phenomenon. This challenges the protagonist's worldview and understanding of the supernatural.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.9

The scene evokes a range of emotions, including fear, grief, curiosity, and camaraderie, as the characters confront their worst fears and the dark history of Derry. The emotional depth adds resonance to the narrative and engages the audience on a visceral level.

Dialogue: 8.6

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the characters' fears, suspicions, and camaraderie, enhancing the tension and emotional depth of the narrative. The exchanges feel authentic and reveal important aspects of each character's personality.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it combines elements of mystery, horror, and humor to create a dynamic and suspenseful atmosphere. The characters' interactions and revelations keep the audience invested in the story.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by gradually building tension and suspense through the characters' dialogue and revelations. The rhythm of the scene keeps the audience engaged and invested in the story.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting. This enhances readability and clarity for the reader.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a supernatural horror genre, with a buildup of tension and mystery leading to a revelation about the evil entity. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the scene's effectiveness in building suspense.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes a sense of foreboding and tension through the juxtaposition of a festive town celebration and the dark history that the characters discuss. This contrast enhances the horror elements of the story, making the audience aware that something sinister lurks beneath the surface of Derry.
  • The dialogue flows naturally among the characters, allowing their personalities to shine through. Each character's response to Mike's revelations about the town's curse and their fears adds depth to their relationships and individual struggles. However, some lines could be tightened for clarity and impact.
  • Mike's explanation of the haunt concept is intriguing but could benefit from a more vivid description or metaphor to engage the audience further. The idea of a 'feeding ground' is compelling, but it feels somewhat abstract in this context. A more concrete example or a personal anecdote could enhance the emotional weight of his words.
  • Richie's comedic relief is well-placed, but it risks undermining the gravity of the conversation. While humor is essential in balancing the tone, it should not detract from the seriousness of the topic at hand. Consider adjusting the timing or delivery of Richie's line to maintain the scene's tension.
  • The scene ends abruptly with Richie's fear of clowns, which feels somewhat disconnected from the preceding discussion about the town's curse and the characters' personal fears. A smoother transition or a more cohesive conclusion could strengthen the scene's overall impact.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief visual description of the celebration to enhance the contrast between the festive atmosphere and the dark conversation. This could include details about the townspeople's expressions or the sounds of laughter that juxtapose the serious discussion.
  • Incorporate a moment of silence or reflection after Mike shares his thoughts about the haunt. This could allow the weight of his words to settle in, giving the characters (and the audience) a moment to absorb the implications of what he is saying.
  • Explore the characters' fears more deeply by having them share personal stories or experiences related to their fears. This could create a stronger emotional connection between the characters and the audience, making their fears feel more tangible.
  • Adjust Richie's comedic line to either be more subtle or to follow a moment of tension, allowing it to serve as a release rather than a distraction. This could help maintain the scene's overall tone while still providing comic relief.
  • Consider ending the scene with a more definitive statement or action that ties back to the theme of fear and the curse of Derry. This could be a character's determined expression or a visual cue that hints at the impending danger, leaving the audience with a sense of anticipation.



Scene 34 -  The Call to Darkness
INT. BILL’S BEDROOM - NIGHT

Bill can’t sleep. He lays in bed, eyes wet with tears, as he
stares at the lone Walkie Talkie on his shelf. Can’t bear to
look at it any longer, he rolls over to his other side.

Which is why he doesn’t see --

The Walkie’s POWER LIGHT blink GREEN. And a moment holds
before...

...STATIC.

Bill sits up and looks over at the Walkie. Its Talk Light
BLINKS on. Off. On. He reaches for it when --

GEORGIE
(through Walkie)
...ill? Bill?

BILL
Georgie?!

He grabs the Walkie.

GEORGIE
(through Walkie)
Help me, Bill. I’m scared.

BILL
(into Walkie)
Wh-where are you?

GEORGIE
(through Walkie)
It... It’s dark but it’s like, like
a tunnel, an upside down --

A BURST of STATIC. LOUD. Before silence.

Bill. Eyes red. Tears hot.

BILL
(into Walkie)
Georgie! GEORGIE!


Bedroom Door OPENS. It’s Zach. Backlit by the dim light in
the Hallway as he says --

ZACH
Bill? What’s going on in here? Why
aren’t you asleep?

Clutching the Walkie, Bill looks up at his father. So much to
say... But would he listen? Would he believe? Bill decides.

BILL
It’s nothing. Sorry.

ZACH
Go back to sleep.

He shuts the door. Shadows return. Darkness and then...

CUT TO:


BRIGHT WHITE LIGHT.

Illuminates the Sewer Map taped to the back wall of

DENBROUGH GARAGE

The light is from an OLD CAROUSEL SLIDE PROJECTOR Bill has
positioned on a couple of stacked boxes.

The Losers huddle around it like a campfire.

BILL
(to Ben)
Did you bring the map?

Ben pulls a SLIDE out of his pocket and hands it over. Bill
inserts the slide into the tray of the Projector.

He clicks the advance button and --

Gah-guh!

Carousel Tray rotates.

THE OLD MAP OF DERRY is overlayed with the Sewer Map.

BILL (CONT’D)
Look. Th-there’s the Ironworks.
There’s the Black Spot. Everywhere
It happened is all connected by the
sewers and they all meet up at...


BEN
The wellhouse.

STANLEY
It’s in the house on Neibolt
street...

Eddie takes a puff off his inhaler.

RICHIE
You mean that creepy ass house
where all the junkies and hobos
like to sleep?

BEVERLY
I hate that place. It always feels
like it’s watching you.

BILL
That’s where It lives.

Eddie goes over to the Sewer Map and rips it off the wall.

EDDIE
Can we stop talking about this?
This is summer -- we’re kids --
we’re supposed to be --

RICHIE
I agree with Eds -

BILL
No put the map back --

Gah-guh!

Projector Tray rotates. So it’s back to being a WHITE SQUARE
OF LIGHT shining on Eddie. No more Map of Derry.

BILL (CONT’D)
What happened?

Gah-guh!

Rotates again.

Gah-guh! And again. Gah-guh! Gah-guh!

Mike tries to stop it.

Suddenly, OLD VACATION SLIDES FROM ACADIA NATIONAL PARK
APPEAR. The Denbrough Family in Happier Times.

When Georgie was still alive.


There they are hiking. There they are swimming. There Georgie
is on the edge of the lake. There he is again.

And again. Same photo. Again. Waitaminute...

Gah-guh! Gah-guh!

The Carousel continues to spin. That same slide. But now it
looks as if Georgie is moving.

Bit by bit. And the entire scene is becoming animated.
Ripples in the lake. Georgie turning to camera.

An expression of pure fear on his face --

BILL (CONT’D)
Georgie?

RICHIE
What the fuck?

Gah-guh! Gah-guh!

Georgie runs toward camera.

BEVERLY
Turn it off...

Gah-guh!

No one moves. Fixed on this event.

BEVERLY (CONT’D)
Turn it off!

As Georgie continues to run -- no sound -- but his mouth
screaming for help -- as he looks back toward the lake and --

What’s he see?

Stanley goes over and pulls out the cord.

Gah-guh!

That doesn’t do shit.

BILL
Georgie!

Gah-guh! Georgie runs off of frame. Gah-guh! As the thing he
was running from appears. Gah-GODDAMNIT --

It’s Pennywise. In the middle of the lake. Standing on water.
Waving. At camera. At the Losers. At Us.


RICHIE
Holy shit...

STANLEY
That’s It. That’s him.

Carousel spins faster and faster, which makes Pennywise’s
wave smoother and smoother until -- in the span of a click --

Pennywise appears right up against camera. Losers SCREAM.

Mike kicks the boxes and the Carousel crashes to the ground.
No more Pennywise on the wall. Phew...

STANLEY (CONT’D)
How’d that even happen?

EDDIE
It saw us. It knows who we are now.

BILL
It always did...

BEN
At least he’s gone now.

BEVERLY
Uh, guys?

MIKE
Yeah but for how long?

BEVERLY
Guys?

BILL
We need to --

BEVERLY
GUYS!

They look over at Beverly. She’s staring at something above
them. They follow her gaze up to the

CEILING

To where the Carousel is now projecting. With more space
between it and the ceiling, the square frame is bigger now.

And so is Pennywise. Staring down at them with a freeze-frame
snarl. Until --

He POPS OUT of frame.


Fast at first -- but then almost in slow-motion -- as if he’s
diving into the frigid waters of our reality.

He reaches out toward Beverly --

She falls to the floor to try and distance herself but it
isn’t going to help. He’s just about to grab her when --

GARAGE DOOR OPENS.

Flooding the room with light which in turn makes Pennywise
disappear. The Losers look over at --

Ben. By the Garage Door Opener.

BEVERLY (CONT’D)
Thanks, Ben. Good thinking.

He walks over to her. Helps Beverly get back on her feet.

Stanley looks over at Richie. His face pale, his mouth open,
his mind blown, his fear palpable.

STANLEY
No jokes this time, Rich?

Richie shakes his head. Doesn’t have anything to say. For the
first time in his life. Uneasy silence broken by --

BILL
Okay so... Let’s go.

BEN
Go? Where?

BILL
Neibolt. That’s where Georgie is...
We have to go...

STANLEY
After that? No. No way.

RICHIE
Yeah, I’m with Stanley.

BILL
Fine. Then don’t.

MIKE
Wait -- Bill --

But he doesn’t wait. Bill hops onto his bike.


BILL
That thing took my brother. I’m
going...

He takes off.
Genres: ["Horror","Drama","Thriller"]

Summary Bill, tormented by his brother Georgie's voice coming through a Walkie Talkie, struggles with his emotions and the fear of confronting Pennywise. In the Denbrough garage, Bill and the Losers examine a sewer map of Derry, but their discussion turns nightmarish when old vacation slides animate, revealing Georgie's distress and Pennywise's terrifying presence. Despite his friends' fears and reluctance, Bill resolves to go to Neibolt Street alone to find Georgie, leaving the group in a state of tension and dread.
Strengths
  • Effective use of horror elements
  • Compelling character interactions
  • Emotional depth and resonance
  • High tension and suspense
  • Unique visual presentation
Weaknesses
  • Limited exploration of individual character arcs
  • Some dialogue may feel repetitive or expository

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene is highly effective in creating a sense of fear, tension, and suspense through the haunting projection of Pennywise and the characters' reactions to it. The combination of horror elements, emotional depth, and plot progression contributes to a compelling and impactful scene.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of the scene, focusing on the characters' confrontation with a supernatural entity and the revelation of Pennywise through a haunting projection, is strong and effectively executed. The blending of horror, grief, and suspense elements adds depth and complexity to the narrative.

Plot: 9

The plot of the scene is crucial in advancing the story by revealing the characters' increasing awareness of the supernatural threat posed by Pennywise and their decision to confront it at Neibolt house. The tension and stakes are heightened, setting the stage for further developments in the narrative.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh take on the horror genre by combining elements of mystery, family drama, and supernatural terror. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and add depth to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters' reactions and interactions in the scene are authentic and emotionally resonant, particularly in their responses to the haunting projection of Pennywise. The dynamics between the Losers Club members reflect their individual fears, vulnerabilities, and determination to face the looming danger.

Character Changes: 9

The characters undergo emotional and psychological changes in the scene, particularly in their growing awareness of the supernatural threat, their determination to confront it, and their deepening bonds of friendship and solidarity. The experience of facing Pennywise and the haunting projection leads to personal growth and transformation.

Internal Goal: 9

Bill's internal goal is to find and save his brother Georgie, which reflects his deep desire for closure and justice for his family.

External Goal: 8

The protagonist's external goal is to confront the entity that took his brother, which reflects the immediate challenge he is facing in the narrative.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The level of conflict in the scene is high, as the characters are faced with a terrifying supernatural entity, internal fears and doubts, and the decision to confront the danger at Neibolt house. The escalating tension and stakes create a sense of urgency and danger that drives the narrative forward.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the characters facing supernatural threats, internal conflicts, and external challenges. The audience is left uncertain of how the characters will overcome these obstacles.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes in the scene are high, as the characters are confronted with a terrifying supernatural entity, the looming threat of Pennywise, and the decision to confront it at Neibolt house. The escalating tension, fear, and danger raise the stakes and emphasize the risks involved in facing the unknown.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by revealing the characters' increasing understanding of the supernatural threat, their decision to confront it at Neibolt house, and the escalating tension and stakes as they prepare to face the danger. The scene sets the stage for further developments and confrontations with Pennywise.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of its unexpected twists, supernatural elements, and emotional revelations. The audience is kept on edge and unsure of what will happen next.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the characters' beliefs about fear, courage, and the supernatural. It challenges their worldview and forces them to confront their deepest fears.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9.5

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking fear, sadness, anxiety, and dread in both the characters and the audience. The haunting projection of Pennywise, the characters' reactions, and the underlying grief over Georgie's loss contribute to a powerful and emotionally resonant sequence.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the characters' emotions, fears, and motivations, adding depth to their interactions and enhancing the overall atmosphere of fear and suspense. The exchanges between the characters feel natural and contribute to the development of their relationships and personalities.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense emotional moments, suspenseful pacing, and supernatural elements. The audience is drawn into the characters' struggles and fears.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and suspense, with well-timed reveals and emotional beats. The rhythm of the dialogue and action keeps the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene follows the expected format for a horror screenplay, with clear scene headings, action lines, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 9

The scene follows a clear structure with well-defined beats and transitions. It effectively builds tension and suspense leading to a climactic moment.


Critique
  • The emotional stakes in this scene are high, particularly with Bill's distress over Georgie's voice coming through the Walkie Talkie. However, the transition from Bill's bedroom to the garage feels abrupt. The emotional weight of Bill's moment could be enhanced by lingering on his reaction to Georgie's voice before cutting to the next scene, allowing the audience to fully absorb his fear and desperation.
  • The use of the carousel slide projector is a creative visual element that effectively ties the past to the present, but the pacing could be improved. The rapid 'Gah-guh!' transitions might overwhelm the audience. Slowing down the carousel's rotation or adding more suspenseful pauses could heighten the tension and allow the audience to process the horror of Georgie's animated image.
  • The dialogue effectively conveys the group's camaraderie and fear, but some lines feel a bit on-the-nose, particularly when characters explicitly state their fears or the situation. For example, when Beverly says, 'That’s where It lives,' it could be more impactful if the characters expressed their fears through their actions or reactions rather than stating them outright.
  • The scene's climax, where Pennywise appears in the projected image, is visually striking but could benefit from more buildup. The moment feels rushed, and the characters' reactions could be more varied to reflect their individual personalities. For instance, Richie, known for his humor, could have a more comedic reaction to balance the tension, while others might react with fear or disbelief.
  • The ending, where Bill decides to go to Neibolt, is a strong character moment, but it could be more impactful if the group dynamics were explored further. Instead of simply stating 'Fine. Then don’t,' Bill could express more frustration or desperation, which would deepen the emotional conflict and highlight the stakes of their mission.
Suggestions
  • Consider extending the moment where Bill hears Georgie's voice to build emotional tension before transitioning to the garage scene. This could involve a brief internal monologue or flashback that highlights Bill's memories of Georgie.
  • Slow down the carousel's rotation and add suspenseful pauses to allow the audience to absorb the horror of the images being projected. This will enhance the impact of Georgie's animated image and the subsequent appearance of Pennywise.
  • Revise dialogue to show rather than tell. Instead of characters stating their fears directly, allow their actions and reactions to convey their emotions. This will create a more immersive experience for the audience.
  • Enhance the buildup to Pennywise's appearance by incorporating more varied reactions from the group. This could include a mix of humor, fear, and disbelief, reflecting their personalities and adding depth to the scene.
  • Deepen the emotional conflict at the end of the scene by allowing Bill to express more frustration or desperation about the group's reluctance to follow him. This will create a stronger sense of urgency and highlight the stakes of their mission.



Scene 35 -  Facing the Darkness
EXT. 29 NEIBOLT STREET - LATER

Bill hops off his bike and stares at the house. A little less
brave now that he’s there. As he walks --

BILL
He th-thrusts his fists against the
posts and still insists...

A LONE BIRD SQUAWKS across the sky somewhere overhead.
Startles him. He stops. Regards the house.

Not sure he can do this.

BEVERLY (O.S.)
Bill!

He looks over. Sees Beverly and the rest of the Losers ride
into view. They skid to a stop beside him.

BEVERLY (CONT’D)
You can’t go in there. This is
crazy... Someone could get hurt.

Eddie puffs his inhaler. His eyes locked on the porch. Where
he saw Pennywise earlier.

BILL
I already said you don’t have to
come in with me. But what happens
when another Georgie goes missing?
Or another Dorsey? Or one of us?
Are you just going to pretend it
isn’t happening like everyone else
in this town? Because I can’t. Even
if I wanted to I can’t -- I go home
and all I see is that Georgie isn’t
there. His clothes, his toys, his
stupid stuffed animals but
Georgie... He isn’t....
(points to Neibolt)
So walking into that house... For
me it’s easier than walking into my
own...

He trudges up to 29 Neibolt. His speech settles in.


RICHIE
Wow...

BEN
What?

RICHIE
He didn’t even stutter once.

Richie follows him. Soon, they all do.
Genres: ["Horror","Drama"]

Summary Bill arrives at the foreboding 29 Neibolt Street, determined to confront the house where he believes his brother Georgie was taken. Despite the concerns of Beverly and the rest of the Losers, Bill passionately expresses his grief and the necessity of action, inspiring the group to support him. As they prepare to face their fears together, the scene captures a tense yet determined atmosphere, culminating in the group entering the house united.
Strengths
  • Tension-building
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
Weaknesses
  • Potential predictability
  • Lack of surprise elements

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.7

The scene effectively combines elements of horror, drama, and character development to create a tense and emotional moment. The dialogue is impactful, the theme of facing fears is well-executed, and the plot progresses significantly.


Story Content

Concept: 8.6

The concept of facing fears and coming together as a group to confront evil is central to the scene. It is executed well, with the characters' motivations and emotions driving the narrative forward.

Plot: 8.7

The plot of the scene is crucial in advancing the story, as it marks a significant turning point for the characters in their battle against Pennywise. The tension and conflict are heightened, setting the stage for future events.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the horror genre by focusing on the characters' internal struggles and motivations, rather than just the external threat. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters' development is a key aspect of the scene, particularly Bill's growth as he confronts his fears and leads the group. The interactions between the Losers showcase their bond and individual strengths.

Character Changes: 9

Bill undergoes significant character growth in the scene, facing his fears and taking on a leadership role within the group. The other characters also show bravery and solidarity, deepening their bonds.

Internal Goal: 9

The protagonist's internal goal is to confront his fears and take action against the evil presence in the town. This reflects his deeper need for closure and justice, as well as his fear of losing more loved ones.

External Goal: 8

The protagonist's external goal is to enter the house on 29 Neibolt Street and confront the evil entity residing there. This reflects the immediate challenge of facing danger and uncertainty.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8.8

The conflict in the scene is high, as the characters confront their fears and the looming threat of Pennywise at Neibolt Street. The tension is palpable, adding to the suspenseful atmosphere.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the characters facing internal and external conflicts that challenge their beliefs and motivations. The uncertainty of the outcome adds to the tension and suspense.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in the scene, as the characters confront a dangerous threat at Neibolt Street and face the possibility of losing another friend to Pennywise. The tension and danger are palpable, raising the stakes for the group.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward significantly, setting the stage for the Losers' confrontation with Pennywise and highlighting the escalating danger they face. It propels the narrative towards a climactic showdown.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the characters' conflicting motivations and the uncertain outcome of their confrontation with the evil entity. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of what will happen next.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between the protagonist's sense of duty and responsibility to protect others versus the fear and self-preservation of the other characters. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs in the importance of taking action and standing up against evil.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.9

The scene has a strong emotional impact, particularly as Bill grapples with his grief over Georgie and his determination to find him. The fear and sadness are palpable, drawing the audience into the characters' struggles.

Dialogue: 8.6

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the characters' emotions, fears, and determination. It drives the plot forward and reveals important aspects of the characters' personalities.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the high stakes, emotional conflict, and suspenseful buildup to the confrontation with the evil entity. The characters' motivations and fears are relatable and draw the audience in.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged, and leading to a climactic confrontation with the evil entity. The rhythm of the dialogue and action enhances the scene's impact.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene follows the expected formatting for a horror genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions. The formatting enhances the atmosphere and tension of the scene.

Structure: 9

The scene follows the expected structure for a horror genre, with a buildup of tension and suspense leading to the confrontation with the evil entity. The pacing and rhythm are effective in creating a sense of urgency and danger.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures Bill's emotional turmoil and determination to confront his fears, particularly regarding his brother Georgie's disappearance. The use of his stutter in the beginning adds authenticity to his character, but it would be more impactful if it were consistent throughout the scene, especially during moments of high emotion.
  • Beverly's intervention serves as a crucial moment of tension, highlighting the group's concern for Bill's safety. However, her dialogue could be strengthened to reflect a deeper emotional connection to Bill's struggle, perhaps by sharing her own fears or experiences that parallel his, which would enhance the stakes for both characters.
  • Richie's line about Bill not stuttering is a clever moment of comic relief, but it feels slightly out of place given the gravity of the situation. It might be more effective if the humor was woven into the scene more subtly, perhaps through Richie's expressions or reactions rather than a direct comment, to maintain the emotional weight.
  • The visual elements, such as the description of the house and the atmosphere, could be expanded to create a more vivid sense of dread. Adding sensory details about the environment—like the smell of decay or the eerie silence—would enhance the tension and immerse the audience further into the scene.
  • The pacing of the scene is generally good, but it could benefit from a moment of silence or stillness after Bill's speech to allow the weight of his words to settle in. This would give the audience a moment to absorb his pain and determination before the group moves forward.
Suggestions
  • Consider revising Beverly's dialogue to include a personal anecdote or fear that resonates with Bill's situation, deepening their connection and the emotional stakes.
  • Maintain Bill's stutter throughout the scene, especially during moments of high emotion, to reinforce his character's struggle and make his speech more impactful.
  • Integrate humor more subtly into the scene, perhaps through Richie's expressions or actions, rather than a direct comment, to preserve the emotional tone.
  • Enhance the visual descriptions of the setting to create a more immersive atmosphere, using sensory details to evoke a sense of dread and foreboding.
  • Add a brief pause or moment of silence after Bill's speech to allow the weight of his words to resonate with the group and the audience before they proceed.



Scene 36 -  Facing the Unknown
EXT. NEIBOLT HOUSE - FRONT PORCH - MOMENTS LATER

At the windows, the Losers cup their hands around their
faces, trying to get a sense of what awaits them inside but --

RICHIE
-- I can’t see shit.

Bill steps back and over to the Front Door.

Reaches out for the KNOB as a breeze blows -- an unnatural
one? -- and -- clack! -- door unlatches.

He looks back at the others. They’re all staring at the door.
Wondering what’s beyond.

Freaked out, Eddie takes another puff off his inhaler. Richie
grabs it from him and does the same. He coughs. Gross...

RICHIE (CONT’D)
Tastes like battery acid.

Eddie snatches it back.

As Bill is about to push open the door --

MIKE
Wait.

They look at him.

Mike steps off the porch and picks up a broken wrought-iron
FENCE ROD. Holds it like a weapon.

Good idea.

They all scatter and search

IN THE YARD

A brick, a sharp-ended stick, whatever they can find. Richie
picks up an empty BEER BOTTLE and smashes it against a rock.


Just like they do in the movies.

Harder than it looks.

And when he does finally manage to break it, it just shatters
to a million, useless little pieces.

He looks to Mike:

RICHIE
I’ll just stand behind you.

MOMENTS LATER

The Losers reunite on the Front Porch. Nod to Bill: Okay, now
or never...

Bill pushes the Front Door OPEN and takes us inside.
Genres: ["Horror","Thriller","Drama"]

Summary The Losers gather nervously on the porch of the eerie Neibolt House, contemplating their next move. As Bill approaches the door, an unnatural breeze causes it to open, heightening their anxiety. Eddie uses his inhaler, while Richie provides comic relief by joking about it and attempting to break a beer bottle for a weapon. Mike takes charge, arming himself with a fence rod and encouraging the others to find makeshift weapons. After a moment of hesitation, the group gathers their courage and Bill pushes the door open, ready to confront the unknown inside.
Strengths
  • Building tension
  • Character dynamics
  • Emotional impact
  • Unity of the Losers
Weaknesses
  • Richie's failed attempt with the beer bottle
  • Limited exploration of individual fears

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively captures the tone of the horror genre, creating a sense of dread and anticipation as the characters confront the unknown. The dialogue and actions of the characters contribute to the overall tension and emotional impact of the scene.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the characters facing their fears and confronting the unknown in a haunted house is well-executed, adding depth to their development and the overall plot. The scene effectively sets up the next stage of the story while maintaining a focus on character dynamics.

Plot: 8

The plot progresses as the characters decide to enter Neibolt House, facing the danger head-on and showcasing their determination to uncover the truth. The scene moves the story forward by raising the stakes and setting up a pivotal moment in the narrative.

Originality: 7

The scene introduces a familiar horror trope of characters facing a supernatural threat, but adds a fresh approach with the characters' humorous banter and unconventional weapons. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters' reactions and interactions in the scene reveal their individual fears, strengths, and bonds as they prepare to confront the supernatural entity. Each character's unique personality traits contribute to the overall tension and emotional impact of the scene.

Character Changes: 8

The characters undergo subtle changes in their attitudes and perceptions as they prepare to enter Neibolt House, showing growth and resilience in the face of danger. Their unity and determination reflect a shift in their individual arcs.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to overcome their fear and face the unknown. This reflects their deeper need for courage and resilience in the face of danger.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to enter the house and confront the source of the supernatural threat. This reflects the immediate challenge they are facing and the need to protect themselves.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, as the characters grapple with their fears and uncertainties about entering Neibolt House. The tension arises from their individual struggles and the collective decision to confront the supernatural threat.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the characters facing a supernatural threat that challenges their courage and determination. The uncertainty of the outcome adds to the tension and suspense.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in the scene as the characters prepare to enter Neibolt House, risking their lives to confront the supernatural threat and uncover the truth about the mysterious entity. The danger and uncertainty add tension and urgency to the situation.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by setting up a crucial confrontation with the supernatural entity and deepening the characters' motivations and relationships. It establishes a pivotal moment in the narrative that propels the plot towards resolution.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because the characters' actions and reactions to the supernatural threat keep the audience guessing about what will happen next.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between the characters' fear and their determination to confront the unknown. It challenges their beliefs about bravery and the nature of fear.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking fear, anxiety, and determination in the characters and the audience. The sense of vulnerability and camaraderie among the Losers adds depth to their relationships and resonates with the viewers.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the characters' emotions, fears, and determination as they face the unknown. The exchanges between the Losers add depth to their relationships and highlight their evolving dynamics.

Engagement: 8

This scene is engaging because it keeps the audience on edge with the characters' fear and anticipation, while also providing moments of humor to lighten the mood.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds suspense and anticipation, leading up to the characters' entrance into the house. The rhythm of the action and dialogue enhances the scene's effectiveness.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene follows the expected formatting for a horror screenplay, with clear action lines and dialogue cues. The formatting enhances the readability and impact of the scene.

Structure: 9

The scene follows the expected structure for a horror genre, building tension and suspense leading up to the characters' entrance into the house. The pacing and rhythm contribute to its effectiveness.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension as the Losers prepare to confront their fears at the Neibolt House. The use of dialogue, particularly Richie's humorous quips, provides a balance to the otherwise tense atmosphere, which is essential in a horror narrative to maintain engagement.
  • The physical actions of the characters, such as cupping their hands around their faces and searching for makeshift weapons, visually convey their apprehension and determination. However, the scene could benefit from more specific descriptions of their expressions and body language to enhance the emotional stakes.
  • Richie's attempt to break the beer bottle is a clever moment that adds humor but also highlights his character's bravado. However, the line 'Just like they do in the movies' feels a bit on-the-nose and could be rephrased to sound more natural or integrated into the moment.
  • The transition from the porch to the action of gathering weapons is somewhat abrupt. A brief moment of reflection or a shared look among the group could deepen the emotional connection and emphasize the gravity of their situation before they take action.
  • The unnatural breeze that unlatches the door is a strong visual cue that adds to the supernatural elements of the scene. However, it could be more explicitly tied to the characters' reactions to enhance the sense of foreboding. For example, describing how the breeze feels against their skin or how it affects the environment around them could amplify the tension.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more descriptive language to convey the characters' emotions and physical reactions as they prepare to enter the house. This could include details about their heart rates, sweat, or nervous gestures.
  • Rework Richie's line about the beer bottle to make it feel more spontaneous and less scripted. Perhaps he could make a joke about how he thought it would be easier, reflecting his character's bravado and vulnerability.
  • Include a moment of silence or a shared glance among the Losers before they gather weapons, allowing the weight of their decision to sink in and heightening the emotional stakes.
  • Enhance the description of the unnatural breeze by incorporating sensory details that evoke a stronger sense of dread, such as how it disrupts the atmosphere or causes the characters to shiver.
  • Consider adding a line or two of dialogue that reflects the group's camaraderie or shared fears, reinforcing their bond as they face the unknown together.



Scene 37 -  Confrontation in the Neibolt House
INT. NEIBOLT HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - CONTINUOUS

Condoms, Candy Wrappers, and Cigarette Butts litter the
floor. Old Magazines and Newspapers stacked so high it’s like
they’re holding up the second floor.

And Graffiti. It’s everywhere.

Screw Derry. Just Say Yes. Class of Who the Fuck Cares.

Everything about this place feels like a nest made by junkies
and serial killers. Shredded carpet. Broken Furniture.

The Losers take it all in.

BEVERLY
This place stinks. I can smell it.

MIKE
I smell it too.

RICHIE
Don’t breath through your mouth.

BEVERLY
Why?

RICHIE
‘Cause then you’re eating it.

He picks up a water-stained MAGAZINE. It’s Famous Monsters of
Filmland. On the cover, a Werewolf.


Beverly sees an OLD LANTERN on one of the shelves. Right next
to a dismembered Doll. She tries turning it on.

It flickers to fluorescent life.

BEN
If there’s a well here it’d have to
be in the basement, right?

STANLEY
Does this place even have a
basement?

EDDIE
I hope not.

BILL
L-let’s find out.

He moves toward the kitchen BUT FROM UPSTAIRS --

CHILD’S VOICE (O.S.)
Hello? Is someone here?

Eyes shoot up to the ceiling above them. Ben looks over at
Bill and wonders softly --

BEN
Georgie?

Bill shakes his head: No...

CHILD’S VOICE (O.S.)
HELLO?!

Over to the foot of the stairs --

BEVERLY
Down here! We’re down here!

We SLOWLY PUSH UP the steps.

Leaving the Losers’ behind as we drift down the

UPSTAIRS HALLWAY

Rotted, water-stained wallpaper with elves on it peels like
dead skin from scummy walls. Ripped orange carpet.

As we approach the FAR CORNER, we begin to hear from just
around the other side, a LOW FREQUENCY BUZZ.

BZZZZzzzzzzZZZZZZzzzzzz....


It’s unsettling.

And growing louder the closer we get.

From around the corner --

CHILD’S VOICE (O.S.)
Help me, please...

FOOTSTEPS.

Up the stairs.

BILL (O.S.)
Wait -- Bev --

We spin around and see Beverly standing at the top of the
steps. The Other Losers cram themselves around her.

BILL (CONT’D)
We need to be cautious.

CHILD’S VOICE (O.S.)
Hello?

They move down the hall.

Floorboards creeeeak and grooaaaan under them as they each
take steps. As if any moment the floor might give way.

Which it will. But not yet.

The Losers look into the Bio-Hazard Bedrooms as they pass.

Nearing the Corner at the end of the Hall.

MIKE
You guys hear that?

They listen.

To that slightest bzzzzzZZZZZZzzzzzZZZZZZzzzzzzZZZZZZ.

As they make the turn and -- oh, it’s --

ANOTHER HALLWAY

A nearby corroding PLUG the source of the buzz.

The Losers continue on

Fixated on That Door at the End of the Hallway.

But behind them,


SqueakSqueakSqueak...

They turn.

Shit.

Pennywise.

Pedaling an old, rusted tricycle.

Its front wheel bent.

SqueakSqueakSqueak...

He stops.

Right by the plug.

Losers press themselves up against the wall. Each grab hold
of the other standing next to them.

EDDIE
Oh shit oh shit oh shit...

Buries his face into Richie’s shoulder. Can’t look.

BILL
WHERE’S G-G-GEORGIE?!

PENNYWISE
(in the Child’s Voice)
Who’s Geor-- oh -- sor--
(in normal voice)
-ry, who’s Georgie?

He LAUGHS. Eyes the children. Counting...

PENNYWISE (CONT’D)
Boymeat. Boymeat. BoymeatBoymeat.
BoymeatBoymeat...
(ooh, Beverly)
Girlmeat. Yes. Sweet, salty
bloodgorged girlmeat...

He inches forward, breathing in deep.

PENNYWISE (CONT’D)
Use your thin blue veins like
straws, little ears like spoons...

That plug SPARKS. Pennywise looks over at it. Ahem.


PENNYWISE (CONT’D)
Armpits and cowlicks, freckles and
dimples, peachy fuzz, scabbed
knees, squeals and screams...

Spark BUZZES. Pennywise presses on, ignoring it.

PENNYWISE (CONT’D)
They all reek so goo--

BUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ.

Pennywise stops. Considers the plug. He pulls out the TINIEST
SCREWDRIVER EVER from his coat.

Kneels and tightens the plug screws. But the buzzing
continues. But then -- light bulb! -- a better idea.

From his sleeve, Pennywise yanks out A BIGGER SCREWDRIVER.
Like ridiculously big. Like it was bought at ACME.

And this --

HE JAMS INTO THE SOCKET.

Electricity surges through Pennywise. His collar smokes. Hair
catches fire. He laughs, maniacal.

An EXPLOSION of SPARKS, revealing --

Pennywise has transformed into a gruesome creature. His
bulging eyes big but his toothy demonic grin even bigger.

He LUNGES for the kids. They SCREAM and scatter.

As they run, the floor gives out behind them. Below is just a
pit of blackness. It divides the Group from --

EDDIE

Teetering on the edge, he turns. About to fall in. But a HAND
reaches out and grabs him. Pulls him upright.

Eddie relieved.

Until he looks down at the hand holding him -- oozing with
open sores -- and we PAN UP to reveal it’s the hand of --

HOBO
Hi, Eds.

Eddie faints.

Falls.


Through the hole.

We go with him, landing hard somewhere in blackness.

His arm SNAPS.

He SCREAMS.

EDDIE
My arm!

ABOVE HIM,

Beverly trips and her lantern rolls off the edge.

Lands beside Eddie.

Light still on, illuminating the

KITCHEN

Windows blacked out with tinfoil and newspaper.

Eddie Tries to get to his feet but MORE DEBRIS falls on top
of him. Pinning him down by the old, busted REFRIGERATOR.

UPSTAIRS HALLWAY

The Losers SCRAMBLE, trying to find a way out. Monstrous
Pennywise has disappeared. They realize --

RICHIE
Eds! We need to get to Eddie!

IN THE KITCHEN

Using his good arm, Eddie tries to dig himself out from under
the pile that has him pinned. Faster and faster as --

Refrigerator Door OPENS, revealing --

Pennywise.

Contorted into the impossibly small space. He unfolds and
untangles himself from inside the refrigerator.

He straightens.

Reaches down and grabs hold of Richie’s Broken Arm.

Nearby, A DOOR OPENS.

An Orange glow pulsates inside, illuminating a set of stairs
leading down to the Basement of Neibolt.


Nothing good happens down there.

PENNYWISE
Time to float.

Pennywise drags Eddie toward the Basement Door.

Eddie SCREAMS some more.

Behind them --

The Losers appear in the Kitchen.

United.

They grab hold of Eddie. Trying to pull him back from
Pennywise. Pennywise opens his mouth, snarling.

Richie grabs Eddie’s Inhaler from his holster.

RICHIE
Try some battery acid, asshole!

PUFFS the Inhaler in Pennywises’ Face. The Clown SCREECHES.
Like it’s burning through his skin. He lets go of Eddie.

Allowing the Losers to pull Eddie away as Mike throws the
Fence Post at Pennywise. SPIKES him in the chest.

The Losers haul ass back into the Living Room.

BEVERLY
GO! RUN!
Genres: ["Horror","Thriller"]

Summary The Losers bravely enter the decaying Neibolt House, drawn by a child's voice calling for help. As they explore the grim surroundings, they encounter the terrifying Pennywise, who taunts them and captures Eddie. In a frantic struggle, the group uses Eddie's inhaler to rescue him from Pennywise's grasp, managing to escape back into the living room amidst the chaos.
Strengths
  • Building tension
  • Creating fear and suspense
  • Effective use of setting and atmosphere
  • Compelling character reactions
Weaknesses
  • Some elements may be too intense for sensitive viewers

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene is highly effective in creating a sense of terror and suspense, with strong elements of horror and darkness. The execution of the design is well done, keeping the audience on edge and engaged throughout.


Story Content

Concept: 9.3

The concept of exploring a haunted house and facing a terrifying entity is executed with skill and creativity. The scene effectively conveys the horror and danger present in Neibolt House.

Plot: 9

The plot of the scene revolves around the Losers entering Neibolt House and encountering Pennywise, leading to a high-stakes confrontation. The progression of events keeps the audience engaged and invested in the outcome.

Originality: 9

The level of originality in this scene is high, with fresh approaches to familiar horror tropes and authentic character interactions. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds depth and realism to the supernatural elements of the story.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters' reactions to the terrifying events in Neibolt House are realistic and heighten the sense of fear and danger. Each character's unique traits and fears contribute to the tension of the scene.

Character Changes: 8

The characters experience fear and bravery in the face of danger, leading to some growth and development as they confront their deepest fears. Eddie, in particular, faces his fears and shows courage in a perilous situation.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to confront their fears and uncover the mystery of the house. This reflects their deeper need for closure and understanding of the supernatural events happening in their town.

External Goal: 7.5

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to rescue their friend Eddie from the clutches of Pennywise, the antagonist. This reflects the immediate challenge they are facing in the dangerous and unpredictable environment of the house.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is intense and high-stakes, as the Losers must confront Pennywise in a terrifying and dangerous situation. The presence of the malevolent entity creates a sense of imminent danger and suspense.

Opposition: 9

The opposition in this scene is strong, with the Losers facing a formidable antagonist in Pennywise and overcoming difficult obstacles to rescue their friend Eddie. The uncertainty of the outcome adds to the tension and suspense of the scene.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are extremely high in the scene, as the characters face a malevolent entity in a haunted house and must save their friend from danger. The threat of Pennywise and the perilous situation raise the stakes to a critical level.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by placing the characters in a dangerous situation and forcing them to confront Pennywise. The events in Neibolt House have a lasting impact on the characters and the overall narrative.

Unpredictability: 8.5

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists and turns in the characters' actions and the supernatural elements introduced. The presence of Pennywise adds a sense of danger and uncertainty, keeping the audience guessing about the outcome.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the battle between good and evil, as represented by the Losers trying to save Eddie from the malevolent Pennywise. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs in the face of supernatural forces and tests their courage and loyalty.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking fear, anxiety, and dread in the audience. The characters' reactions and the menacing presence of Pennywise create a sense of unease and tension.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the characters' fear and urgency, adding to the overall atmosphere of terror. The interactions between the Losers and Pennywise are tense and impactful.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense and suspenseful atmosphere, dynamic character interactions, and escalating conflict. The sense of danger and mystery keeps the audience on the edge of their seats, eager to see how the situation unfolds.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and suspense gradually, leading to a climactic confrontation with Pennywise. The rhythm of the scene keeps the audience engaged and invested in the characters' struggles.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for a horror screenplay, with clear scene headings, character actions, and dialogue. The visual descriptions and scene directions enhance the atmosphere and tension of the scene.

Structure: 8

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for a horror genre, with a buildup of tension, escalating conflict, and a climactic confrontation with the antagonist. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness in building suspense and engaging the audience.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes a tense atmosphere as the Losers enter the Neibolt House, with vivid descriptions of the setting that evoke a sense of dread. The use of sensory details, such as the smell and the visual clutter, immerses the audience in the environment.
  • The dialogue between the characters is engaging and serves to highlight their personalities. Richie's humor provides a necessary comic relief amidst the tension, which helps to balance the scene's darker elements.
  • The introduction of Pennywise is well-executed, building suspense as the children's fear escalates. The transformation of Pennywise into a grotesque creature is a strong visual moment that heightens the stakes.
  • However, the pacing could be improved. The buildup to Pennywise's appearance feels slightly prolonged, which may cause the audience to lose some tension. Tightening the sequence leading up to his reveal could enhance the impact.
  • The transition from the Losers' exploration to the encounter with Pennywise is somewhat abrupt. A smoother transition that builds anticipation could make the moment more effective. For example, incorporating more foreshadowing or subtle hints of danger before Pennywise appears would create a stronger sense of impending doom.
  • Eddie's injury and the subsequent chaos are compelling, but the scene could benefit from clearer stakes regarding the characters' motivations. While they are trying to save Eddie, emphasizing their emotional connections and fears could deepen the audience's investment in the outcome.
Suggestions
  • Consider tightening the pacing leading up to Pennywise's reveal by reducing the number of lines or actions that delay the encounter. This could maintain the tension and keep the audience on edge.
  • Enhance the transition to Pennywise's appearance by adding subtle foreshadowing or eerie sounds that hint at his presence before he is fully revealed. This could build anticipation and make the reveal more impactful.
  • Incorporate more emotional stakes for the characters during the chaos. For example, show how Eddie's injury affects the group dynamic and their determination to save him, which could heighten the emotional weight of the scene.
  • Explore the characters' reactions to the environment more deeply. Allow them to express their fears and concerns about the house and what they might encounter, which could add depth to their interactions and heighten the tension.
  • Consider using more varied sentence structures and rhythms in the dialogue to reflect the urgency and fear of the moment. This could enhance the overall flow and make the characters' exchanges feel more dynamic.



Scene 38 -  Aftermath of Fear
EXT. 29 NEIBOLT STREET - DAY

Richie’s pulled out and the kids stumble through the
sunflowers to their bikes. Away from Neibolt, the whole house
seeming to laugh at them from behind...

As Eddie balances himself on Ben’s bike, Ben looks over. Sees
Beverly wrapping her arms around Bill as they ride together.


EXT. EDDIE’S HOUSE - LATER

Mrs. Kaspbrak shoves Eddie into the back seat, hysterical.

MRS. KASPBRACK
You. You did this!

She slams the door on Eddie and fumbles for her keys.


MRS. KASPBRAK
You know how delicate he is.

BILL
We were attacked, Mrs. K.--

MRS. KASPBRACK
Don’t! Don’t even try to blame
someone else...

Mrs. Kaspbrack pulls out all sorts of garbage from her purse
until she finds the keys, dropping them.

BEVERLY
Let me help.

She smacks Beverly away.

MRS. KASPBRACK
Back! Get back! What’s a little
girl even doing with a gang of boys
like this. If I was your mother
I’d be sick. Sick!

WILL
Mrs. K, I swear--

MRS. KASPBRAK
No! You’re monsters. Reckless,
selfish monsters. Eddie’s done
with you, you hear! Done.

She jumps into the front seat and turns the engine.

MRS. KASPBRAK (CONT’D)
I don’t want to see any of your
faces ever again!

She slams the door and the car squeals out of the driveway.
Bill and the kids stand all rag tag there, low and shaken.
Genres: ["Horror","Drama"]

Summary In this tense scene, Richie and the kids leave Neibolt Street, feeling both relieved and haunted. At Eddie's house, Mrs. Kaspbrak confronts Eddie with frantic anger, blaming him and his friends for their reckless behavior. Despite Bill and Will's attempts to defend the group, Mrs. Kaspbrak dismisses them, insisting Eddie is done with his friends before driving away angrily. The scene captures the emotional turmoil and rejection the kids feel as they stand together, shaken by the confrontation.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Tension-building
  • Character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Lack of resolution in the confrontation with Eddie's mother

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys a range of emotions and tensions, setting up a pivotal moment in the story while maintaining a high level of engagement.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene, focusing on the aftermath of a traumatic experience and the dynamics within the group of friends, is well-developed and adds depth to the overall narrative.

Plot: 8.5

The plot of the scene is crucial in showcasing the aftermath of the encounter with Pennywise and the resulting conflicts and tensions among the characters. It moves the story forward while deepening character relationships.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the conflict between kids and adults, with a focus on the emotional impact of judgment and blame. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and add depth to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-defined and their emotions and motivations are effectively portrayed, adding layers to the scene and setting up potential character arcs. The interactions between the characters feel authentic and contribute to the overall impact of the scene.

Character Changes: 8

The characters undergo emotional shifts and confrontations that contribute to their development and relationships within the group. The scene sets the stage for potential character growth and arcs in future events.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to navigate the conflict with Mrs. Kaspbrak and maintain their friendship despite her disapproval. This reflects their need for acceptance and belonging.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to deal with the aftermath of the attack they experienced and the conflict with Mrs. Kaspbrak. This reflects the immediate challenge they are facing in the scene.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is intense and multi-layered, involving internal and external conflicts that heighten the tension and drama. The confrontation between the characters adds a sense of urgency and emotional stakes to the scene.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Mrs. Kaspbrak's judgment and anger creating a significant obstacle for the kids to overcome.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes in the scene are high, with the characters facing emotional turmoil, conflicts with loved ones, and the looming threat of Pennywise. The outcome of the confrontation has significant implications for the characters and their relationships.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by deepening character relationships, introducing new conflicts, and setting up future events. It advances the narrative while maintaining a high level of engagement.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected reactions and twists in the characters' behavior, adding tension and suspense to the narrative.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the clash between Mrs. Kaspbrak's judgmental and protective nature and the kids' desire for independence and friendship. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs about responsibility and loyalty.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, eliciting feelings of tension, fear, and empathy for the characters. The emotional depth of the scene resonates with the audience and enhances the overall engagement.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the emotions and conflicts present, adding depth to the character interactions and highlighting the stakes involved. The dialogue enhances the tension and drama of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the high emotional stakes, tense interactions, and dramatic conflict that keep the audience invested in the characters' journey.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and suspense through well-timed dialogue and action beats.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings, action lines, and dialogue that enhance readability and flow.

Structure: 9

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution that drive the narrative forward.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the aftermath of a traumatic event, showcasing the emotional fallout among the characters. However, the transition from the horror of Neibolt House to the mundane reality of Eddie's home feels abrupt. This shift could benefit from a more gradual transition to maintain the emotional weight.
  • Mrs. Kaspbrak's reaction is intense and serves to highlight her overprotectiveness and fear for Eddie. However, her dialogue could be more nuanced to avoid making her seem one-dimensional. Adding layers to her character could create a more complex dynamic between her and the Losers.
  • The dialogue is impactful, particularly Mrs. Kaspbrak's accusations, but it risks becoming repetitive. The phrase 'reckless, selfish monsters' could be replaced or supplemented with more specific examples of what she believes they did wrong, which would enhance the tension and provide clarity.
  • The visual imagery of the house 'laughing' at the kids is a strong metaphor for their fear and trauma, but it could be expanded upon. Describing the house in more detail—its dilapidated state, the way the sunflowers sway ominously—could enhance the atmosphere and deepen the emotional resonance.
  • The scene ends with a strong emotional beat, but it could benefit from a more explicit reflection of the characters' feelings. A brief moment of silence or a shared look among the Losers could emphasize their bond and the weight of their experience.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of reflection for the characters as they leave Neibolt House, allowing them to process their fear before transitioning to Eddie's home.
  • Develop Mrs. Kaspbrak's character by including a line or two that reveals her own fears or past experiences, making her reaction more relatable and less purely antagonistic.
  • Revise Mrs. Kaspbrak's dialogue to include specific examples of her concerns, which would make her accusations feel more justified and impactful.
  • Enhance the description of the setting as the kids leave Neibolt House, using sensory details to create a more immersive atmosphere that reflects their emotional state.
  • Incorporate a moment of connection among the Losers after Mrs. Kaspbrak drives away, such as a shared look or a comforting gesture, to reinforce their solidarity in the face of adversity.



Scene 39 -  Divided by Fear
EXT. KANSAS STREET - LATER

Bill, Richie, Beverly, Stanley, Ben and Mike walk along.

BILL
We’ll need to go back. Prepared
this time...

STANLEY
You’re crazy...


BEVERLY
Why? He’s right. No one else is
going to do anything.

RICHIE
Eddie was nearly killed! By some
shape shifting demon monster that
almost used my guts for garters...

MIKE
But we hurt it. That’s something.

BEN
Great, so next time it will just be
madder and bigger and not mess
around to kill us.

BEVERLY
We can’t pretend it’s going to go
away. Because it’s not. Ever. You
know that, you did your research --

BEN
So I’ll go away and not come back.
Not my problem anymore. You can’t
wait to get out of this town either
you said --

BEVERLY
-- because I want to run towards
something. Not run away. That’s
what cowards do...

Ouch. Burn. Ben.

RICHIE
Oh who invited you into the group
anyway? Let’s face facts. Real
world. Georgie is dead. Stop trying
to get us all killed just like you
got him killed...

A deep cut. Richie moves to go. Bill blocks him.

BILL
I didn’t get my brother killed-

RICHIE
Out of my way, Bill. You couldn’t
save him but you can still save
yourself...


BILL
T-T-T-Take it back! You’re scared.
We all are. But take that back!

They start shoving each other. Shoves turn to punches. A
pounding of pent up anger, pent up fear. Bill lands a heavy
blow and Richie falls to the ground hard.

He gets up. His face stings red.

RICHIE
You’re just a bunch of losers and
you’ll get yourselves killed trying
to stop this stupid killer, when
none of it makes any difference.

Richie and Bill start to go at it again but Mike and Ben step
in to separate them. Ben checks Bill to the pavement.

Beverly pushes Ben away.

BEVERLY
What are you doing! Stop!

She drops to Bill’s side. Ben is crushed.

BEN
Richie’s right. Bill doesn’t care
about anybody but himself. We all
have shit too. I’m sick of it.

He and Stanley help Richie up.

BEVERLY
This is what It wants. It wants us
divided... That’s what it was doing
in Neibolt... Separating us...

RICHIE
Well It got what it wants. But at
least I’m alive. And I plan on
staying that way...

Richie, Ben and Stanley go. Bill looks to Beverly and Mike.
Mike splits off from them too.

BEVERLY
Mike, wait...

MIKE
No. I can’t do this. I should have
listened to my grandfather. I’m an
outsider, I need to stay that --


BILL
But we’re all outsiders --

MIKE
No. You’re not.

He walks away. Leaving only Bill and Bev.
Genres: ["Horror","Drama"]

Summary On a Kansas street, a group of friends confronts their fears about a shape-shifting demon that nearly killed Eddie. Tensions escalate as Richie blames Bill for Georgie's death, leading to a physical fight between them. Beverly tries to unite the group, but Mike feels like an outsider and decides to leave. The scene ends with only Bill and Beverly remaining, highlighting the group's division.
Strengths
  • Intense conflict
  • Emotional depth
  • Impactful dialogue
  • Character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Physical altercation may overshadow emotional conflict

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys the escalating tension and emotional turmoil among the characters, drawing the audience into the internal conflicts and fears they face. The dialogue is impactful, and the conflict is palpable, setting the stage for future developments.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of internal conflict and division within the group is effectively portrayed, adding depth to the characters and setting the stage for future character development and plot twists.

Plot: 8.5

The plot progression in the scene is significant, as it highlights the internal conflicts and challenges the characters face within the group dynamic. The escalating tension and emotional turmoil drive the narrative forward.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the horror genre, blending elements of supernatural danger with complex character dynamics and emotional conflicts. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds depth and realism to the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters' emotions and conflicts are well-developed in the scene, showcasing their fears, doubts, and internal struggles. The interactions and dynamics between the characters add depth to their personalities.

Character Changes: 8

The characters undergo emotional turmoil and internal conflict in the scene, leading to potential changes in their relationships and dynamics within the group.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to prove his loyalty to his friends and to overcome his own fears and doubts. He wants to show that he is not a coward and that he is willing to fight for what is right.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to confront the shape-shifting demon monster and protect his friends from harm. He wants to ensure their safety and defeat the evil that threatens them.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is intense and emotionally charged, driving the narrative forward and highlighting the internal struggles and challenges the characters face.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with characters facing internal and external conflicts that challenge their beliefs, values, and relationships. The uncertainty and tension of the scene create a sense of danger and unpredictability.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in the scene as the characters confront their fears, doubts, and internal conflicts, leading to potential consequences for their relationships and the group dynamic.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by highlighting the internal conflicts and challenges the characters face, setting the stage for future developments and character arcs.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists and turns in the characters' interactions and decisions. The shifting alliances and conflicts keep the audience on edge and unsure of what will happen next.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between facing one's fears and running away from them. The characters are divided on whether to confront the danger head-on or to flee from it. This challenges their beliefs and values, forcing them to confront their own courage and resolve.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking feelings of tension, fear, and empathy for the characters as they navigate their internal conflicts and struggles.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue in the scene is impactful, conveying the characters' emotions, fears, and conflicts effectively. The exchanges between the characters drive the tension and conflict, adding depth to the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense emotional conflicts, sharp dialogue, and high stakes. The characters' struggles and confrontations draw the audience in and create a sense of suspense and drama.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and suspense, escalating the conflicts and emotions, and maintaining a sense of urgency and momentum. The rhythm of the scene keeps the audience engaged and invested in the characters' struggles.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting. The scene is well-organized and easy to follow.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with a clear progression of conflict, resolution, and character development. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness in building tension and drama.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the tension and emotional turmoil among the group, showcasing their differing perspectives on confronting the threat. However, the dialogue can feel a bit on-the-nose at times, particularly when characters explicitly state their fears and motivations. This could be more subtly conveyed through their actions and reactions rather than direct exposition.
  • Richie's line about Georgie feels particularly harsh and could benefit from a more nuanced delivery. While it serves to escalate the conflict, it risks alienating the audience from Richie, who is otherwise a source of comic relief. Balancing his humor with moments of vulnerability could make his character more relatable.
  • The physical altercation between Bill and Richie is a pivotal moment, but it could be enhanced by more descriptive action. Instead of simply stating they start shoving each other, consider adding sensory details—like the sound of fists hitting flesh or the expressions on their faces—to heighten the emotional stakes.
  • Beverly's role as the voice of reason is commendable, but her dialogue could be more impactful if it included personal stakes or a backstory that connects her to the group's mission. This would deepen her character and make her motivations resonate more with the audience.
  • The scene's pacing feels uneven, particularly during the argument. The buildup to the fight is effective, but the resolution feels rushed. Allowing for a moment of silence or reflection after the fight could give the characters—and the audience—a chance to process the emotional fallout.
Suggestions
  • Consider revising the dialogue to incorporate subtext, allowing characters to express their feelings through actions and reactions rather than explicit statements. This can create a more engaging and layered conversation.
  • Explore Richie's character further by giving him a moment of vulnerability or regret after his harsh words about Georgie. This could help maintain audience sympathy for him despite his aggressive behavior.
  • Enhance the physical altercation by adding more descriptive language that captures the intensity of the fight. Use sensory details to immerse the audience in the moment.
  • Deepen Beverly's character by including a line or two that hints at her personal stakes in confronting the demon. This could make her motivations more relatable and compelling.
  • Allow for a brief moment of silence or reflection after the fight to emphasize the emotional weight of the conflict. This can help the audience absorb the gravity of the situation and the impact on the characters.



Scene 40 -  Reflections of Indifference
EXT. DERRY - VARIOUS - DAY

Warehouse Row. City Center. Memorial Park. A LONE PATROL CAR
creeps down West Broadway, passing the Synagogue.


INT. SYNAGOGUE - CONTINUOUS

Stanley is reaching the Dvar Torah part of his Bar Mitzvah
ceremony, nervously finishing a verse from a scroll.

STANLEY
...may’ansho sheh’la’zeh.

He glances up at his mom, who refuses to smile. At Richie
seated in the back. And then at the Rabbi. Who nods: Go on..

STANLEY (CONT’D)
Um, reflecting on what I just read,
I like what it says about
indifference. When you’re a kid...

His eyes fall on the empty seats next to Richie. Rattles him.

RABBI
Stanley.

STANLEY
Well, when you’re a kid you think
the universe revolves around you.
That you’ll always be protected and
cared for. Then one day something
bad happens and you realize that’s
not true...


EXT. HANLON ABBATOIR - CONTINUOUS

A SHEEP stands in its pen. Separated from its flock. Leroy
hands Mike the Stunbolt Gun. Like, let’s try this again...


STANLEY (O.S.)
Suns go out and animals go extinct
and whole nations go crazy and kill
a people they don’t like and none
of it seems to matter.

Mike aims the Stunbolt. Whompf. Sheep falls dead.


EXT. BEVERLY’S BATHROOM - CONTINUOUS

Beverly brushes her hair. Her eyes spot the smallest fleck of
blood on one of the tiles. She can’t look away.

STANLEY (O.S.)
That’s why our friends and faith
and family are so important.


INT. WILL’S HOUSE - DINING ROOM - CONTINUOUS

Will sits at the dinner table. Eating alone.

STANLEY (O.S.)
We matter. Even if, to the
universe...


INT. DERRY PUBLIC LIBRARY - READING ROOM - DAY

Ben looks up at a PAINTING of the First Derry Settlement. At
first it appears like the Fur Trappers are on the hunt, lying
in the prone position. But closer inspection reveals --

RICHIE (O.S.)
...we’re too small to notice.

They’re dead. Because Whatever they were hunting found them
instead. And as we PUSH IN on that WELLHOUSE we CUT TO:

TITLE CARD over the PENOBSCOT RIVER:



AUGUST
Tilt down to the OVERHEAD shot of what we expect to be “Derry
1989”, but instead we see NOTHING, just the intersection of a
stream and river and the surrounding wilderness, towering
black pines as far as the eye can see.

This is Derry in --




1637
Genres: ["Drama","Horror","Mystery"]

Summary During Stanley's Bar Mitzvah ceremony at the synagogue, he nervously reads from the Torah, contemplating themes of indifference and the harsh realities of life. His heartfelt Dvar Torah is intercut with unsettling images from Derry, including a sheep being slaughtered, Beverly's fixation on blood, Will's isolation, and Ben's discovery of a grim painting. The scene highlights Stanley's internal struggle and culminates in a title card marking a shift to Derry in 1637.
Strengths
  • Effective intercutting between different characters and locations
  • Strong emotional impact and tone
  • Compelling exploration of themes of loss and relationships
Weaknesses
  • Lack of external conflict
  • Limited character development in this specific scene

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys a sense of melancholy and introspection through the characters' reflections on loss and the town's history. The intercutting between different locations adds depth and complexity to the narrative.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of intercutting between different characters reflecting on loss and the town's history is compelling and adds depth to the narrative. The themes of indifference and the importance of relationships are effectively explored.

Plot: 8

The plot progression in the scene is driven by the characters' reflections on loss and the town's dark history. It sets up important themes and character dynamics that will likely play a significant role in the story.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces unique situations such as a Bar Mitzvah ceremony, a stunbolt gun, and philosophical reflections on mortality and human connection. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters in the scene are well-developed and each contributes to the overall themes and tone of the scene. Their reflections on loss and relationships add depth to their personalities.

Character Changes: 7

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the characters' reflections hint at potential growth and development in future scenes.

Internal Goal: 9

Stanley's internal goal is to reflect on the concept of indifference and the importance of friends, faith, and family. This reflects his deeper need for connection and understanding in a world that can seem indifferent.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to complete his Bar Mitzvah ceremony and deliver his Dvar Torah. This reflects the immediate challenge of public speaking and facing his family and community.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

The scene focuses more on introspection and reflection than on external conflict, although there are hints of internal conflict within the characters.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing internal and external challenges that test his beliefs and values. The audience is left unsure of how these conflicts will be resolved.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes in the scene are more internal and emotional, focusing on the characters' reflections on loss and the town's dark history rather than immediate physical danger.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by deepening the themes and character dynamics, setting up important plot points and character arcs for future development.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected shifts in tone, the introduction of philosophical themes, and the juxtaposition of different character perspectives.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the themes of indifference, mortality, and the importance of human connection. It challenges Stanley's beliefs about the universe and his place in it.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene has a strong emotional impact, evoking feelings of melancholy and introspection through the characters' reflections on loss and the town's dark history.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue in the scene is introspective and reflective, effectively conveying the characters' emotions and thoughts on loss and the town's history.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its blend of introspective moments, action sequences, and thematic depth. The characters' emotional journeys and the philosophical reflections keep the audience invested in the narrative.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by balancing introspective moments with action sequences, creating a dynamic rhythm that keeps the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, transitioning smoothly between different locations and characters while maintaining a cohesive narrative thread.


Critique
  • The scene effectively juxtaposes Stanley's Bar Mitzvah with the darker realities of Derry, creating a powerful thematic resonance. However, the transitions between locations could be smoother to maintain the emotional flow. The abrupt shifts from Stanley's ceremony to the sheep being killed and Beverly's bathroom could be more seamlessly integrated to enhance the impact of the themes of indifference and violence.
  • Stanley's speech is poignant and captures the essence of childhood innocence versus harsh realities. However, it could benefit from more personal anecdotes or specific examples that relate directly to his experiences with the Losers Club. This would deepen the emotional connection for the audience and make his reflections feel more grounded.
  • The use of voiceover for Stanley's speech is effective, but it risks feeling detached from the visual elements. Consider incorporating more visual storytelling that reflects his words, such as close-ups of the characters' reactions or flashbacks to moments that illustrate his points about friendship and family. This would create a more immersive experience for the audience.
  • The imagery of the sheep being killed and the blood in Beverly's bathroom is striking, but it may come off as heavy-handed without sufficient context. The connection between these images and Stanley's speech could be made clearer to avoid confusion and ensure that the audience understands the thematic links.
  • The title card transition to 1637 is intriguing but feels abrupt. Providing a brief visual or narrative bridge that hints at the historical significance of Derry could enhance the audience's understanding of the town's dark past and its relevance to the current events.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of reflection from Stanley that connects his speech to his personal experiences with the Losers Club, perhaps referencing a specific event that illustrates his points about friendship and protection.
  • Enhance the transitions between the various locations by using visual motifs or thematic elements that tie them together, such as recurring imagery or sound design that echoes Stanley's speech.
  • Incorporate more visual storytelling that complements Stanley's voiceover, such as close-ups of the audience's reactions or flashbacks that illustrate the themes he discusses, making the scene more engaging and emotionally resonant.
  • Clarify the thematic connections between the violent imagery and Stanley's speech by providing visual cues or narrative context that links these elements, ensuring the audience grasps the intended message.
  • Consider softening the transition to the title card by including a brief visual or narrative element that hints at the historical significance of Derry, creating a smoother segue into the past.



Scene 41 -  Descent into Darkness
INT. WELLHOUSE - NIGHT

ABIGAIL, 19. Rushes in and SLAMS the door. As if trying to
keep Satan himself out. She clutches her BABY to her breast.

Kneels by DYING EMBERS in the hearth. She blows on ‘em but a
flame never catches. Her Baby starts to fuss...

ABIGAIL
Hush now, shhhh... it’ll be --

She stops.

Realizes that the SMALL CANDLE CHANDELIER slowly spins above
her. As if some unnatural force has caused its light to
rotate around the room, like tiny primitive searchlights.

She hears something slithering in the gray shadows by the
Well. Occasionally we catch glimpses of a BLACK SILHOUETTE.

Shifting its shape. As if trying to decide on a form.

ABIGAIL (CONT’D)
Please, Devil... leave us be...

Shape shifts again.

A beam of light passes, revealing PENNYWISE, naked, lithe,
flesh pale and translucent, a half- formed imitation of a
human, opens his maw full of large razor sharp teeth,
dripping with saliva.

As the Tin Can spins clockwise, Pennywise moves counter
around the room. Each time the light hits his face --

It’s different.

A Man. A Woman. A Beast. A Monster. Tim Curry.

PENNYWISE
You mistake me woman. No mere
devil, I am the Eater of Worlds.

His voice is guttural, unnatural.

ABIGAIL
But my child, not my child... He is
innocent...


PENNYWISE
So you say.

The Baby SCREAMS. Pennywise smiles.

PENNYWISE (CONT’D)
Beautiful fear...

ABIGAIL
I pray Thee, take me.

Abigail shuffles back.

PENNYWISE
I will. And then, him. And thy
husband and the rest of thy
children, and all the savages who
brought you here. And when you all
rot in the earth, I will pick thy
bones dry until no meat is left to
pick. And then I will seek out thy
bones and consume thy souls until
nothing is left but the weeds!
(beat)
Or you will occupy yourself
otherwise and not interfere. I will
take her and you will live, and
those of thy other children -- in
whom I take no interest. And you
will thank ME fever and frost did
not damn you to the soil.

Abigail looks down at her baby again. She’s shaking, doesn’t
want to let go. Behind her, the Door OPENS.

A Little Boy, 6, asks --

BOY
Mama?

ABIGAIL
NO! OUT! NOW!

Frightened by his mother, the Boy runs.

Abigail turns back to Pennywise. Wherever he may be now in
the room. The light somehow seems to spin faster now.

She kisses her baby and sets it down. It BAWLS.

ABIGAIL (CONT’D)
I’m sorry, I’m so sorry...


She turns away from the baby. Faces those dying embers. We
keep on her face as they seem to begin GLOWING BRIGHTER AS --

OVER HER SHOULDER -- OUT OF FOCUS --

Pennywise crawls over to the Baby and starts to feast. SHARP
CRY FROM THE BABY CUT OFF as we hear a CRUNCH.

Abigail continues to look into the BRIGHT ORANGE GLOW of not
the flickering fire...

...but the DEADLIGHTS.

Her expression changing. Fear. Denial. Grief. Acceptance.
And then nothing. Just a glazed look.

AS IF NOTHING HORRIFIC IS ACTUALLY HAPPENING BEHIND HER.
Genres: ["Horror","Supernatural","Drama"]

Summary In a dimly lit wellhouse, Abigail frantically tries to protect her baby from the sinister entity Pennywise, who taunts her with his intention to consume her child. As she struggles to ignite the dying embers, she faces her worst fears and ultimately makes the heartbreaking decision to sacrifice her child for her own safety. The scene culminates in tragedy as Abigail turns away from her baby, leading to a devastating climax where Pennywise feasts on her child, leaving her in despair.
Strengths
  • Intense atmosphere
  • Compelling character dynamics
  • Terrifying supernatural elements
  • Emotionally charged moments
Weaknesses
  • Potentially disturbing content
  • Graphic violence

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene is exceptionally well-crafted, blending horror, drama, and supernatural elements seamlessly to create a deeply unsettling and emotionally charged atmosphere.


Story Content

Concept: 9.3

The concept of facing a malevolent supernatural entity like Pennywise while exploring themes of fear, grief, and sacrifice is compelling and well-developed.

Plot: 9

The plot is intense and gripping, driving the characters to confront their deepest fears and the evil presence of Pennywise.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the horror genre with its supernatural elements and complex character dynamics. The dialogue and actions feel authentic and contribute to the sense of dread and unease.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters' reactions to the horrifying events, especially Abigail's sacrifice and Pennywise's malevolence, are portrayed with depth and authenticity.

Character Changes: 9

Abigail undergoes a profound transformation from fear and denial to acceptance and sacrifice, showcasing a significant character arc.

Internal Goal: 9

Abigail's internal goal is to protect her child and confront her fears of the unknown and supernatural. She is also grappling with the idea of sacrifice and the limits of her own courage.

External Goal: 8

Abigail's external goal is to survive the encounter with Pennywise and protect her family from harm. She is faced with a life-threatening situation that challenges her beliefs and values.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9.5

The conflict between Abigail, Pennywise, and the supernatural forces at play is intense and drives the scene's tension to a peak.

Opposition: 9

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Pennywise posing a significant threat to Abigail and her family. The audience is left uncertain about the outcome, creating a sense of suspense and danger.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are incredibly high, with the characters facing the threat of Pennywise and the loss of innocence and life in a terrifying encounter.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward by revealing the true nature of Pennywise and setting the stage for the characters' confrontation with evil.

Unpredictability: 9

This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting nature of Pennywise and the unexpected turn of events. The audience is kept guessing about the outcome and the characters' fates.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the clash between good and evil, innocence and corruption. Abigail is forced to confront the darkness within herself and the world around her.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9.3

The scene evokes a strong emotional response from the audience, blending fear, grief, and horror in a deeply affecting way.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue effectively conveys the characters' emotions and the chilling nature of the scene, enhancing the overall impact.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense atmosphere, supernatural elements, and emotional depth. The conflict and suspense keep the audience on edge, wanting to know what will happen next.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, building tension gradually and maintaining a sense of suspense throughout. The rhythm of the dialogue and action sequences enhances the scene's effectiveness.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and concise, following the expected format for a horror screenplay. The visual descriptions and dialogue are well-organized and contribute to the scene's effectiveness.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format for a horror genre, building tension and suspense effectively. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the overall atmosphere of fear and dread.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension and horror through Abigail's desperate actions and the ominous presence of Pennywise. The use of the candle chandelier as a visual motif is clever, symbolizing the flickering hope and the impending doom that Abigail faces.
  • The dialogue between Abigail and Pennywise is chilling, showcasing the manipulative nature of the entity. However, some lines could be tightened for clarity and impact. For instance, Pennywise's lengthy monologue could be trimmed to maintain the pacing and keep the audience engaged.
  • The emotional stakes are high, particularly with Abigail's internal conflict regarding her child. However, the introduction of the Little Boy feels abrupt and could benefit from more context or foreshadowing to enhance the emotional weight of his presence.
  • The transition from Abigail's fear to acceptance of her fate is powerful, but the final moments could be more visually striking. The description of her expression changing could be expanded to convey the depth of her emotional journey more vividly.
  • The scene's pacing is generally effective, but the climax could be heightened by incorporating more sensory details, such as sounds or smells, to immerse the audience further into the horror of the moment.
Suggestions
  • Consider shortening Pennywise's dialogue to maintain tension and keep the audience engaged. Focus on the most impactful lines that highlight his malevolence.
  • Provide more context for the Little Boy's appearance to enhance the emotional stakes. Perhaps include a brief moment where Abigail reflects on her other children before he enters.
  • Expand on Abigail's emotional journey in the final moments. Use more descriptive language to illustrate her fear, denial, and acceptance, making her transformation more palpable.
  • Incorporate additional sensory details to enrich the atmosphere. Describe the sounds of the baby crying, the crackling of the dying embers, or the unsettling silence that follows Pennywise's taunts.
  • Consider using more visual metaphors or symbols throughout the scene to deepen the thematic elements of fear and sacrifice, enhancing the overall impact of the horror.



Scene 42 -  Reckless Youth and Authority's Wrath
EXT. TRAVIS BOWER’S BACKYARD - DAY

BLAM! Of a gun.

A bottle of Southern Comfort sits on a log.

Travis shoots at it with his dad’s police issue .45. Victor
and Snatch look on, giggling.

He finally tags it, the bottle shattering into a thousand
pieces. They all whoop and holler.

SNATCH
Can I try?

He reaches for the gun. Bowers pushes him back.

TRAVIS
Sure. Go put the next target out
there.

Travis points to the cat that’s lounging there in the grass.

SNATCH
You’re foolin’ right?

TRAVIS
Do I look like I’m foolin’?

Snatch grabs the kitty and runs out to the stump. He wipes
away the glass and sets the cat down. It starts to meow and
tries to get away.

TRAVIS (CONT’D)
Just hold it.


Bower lines up a shot, sight of the barrel on the cat. Finger
pressing the trigger-

SNATCH
Wait!

OFFICER BOWERS (O.C.)
What the hell is this?

Officer Bowers steps from his police cruiser in the driveway.
His face as red as fire.

TRAVIS
Nothing, pa. Just cleaning your
gun like you asked.

OFFICER BOWERS
Cleaning my gun, huh?

He stalks up and grabs the gun from Travis. Smells it.

WHAP! He smacks Travis hard in the face, knocking the big boy
to the grass. Butch turns the gun on Travis at his feet.

OFFICER BOWERS (CONT’D)
You’re not worth the salt you lick,
boy. I don’t know how God spanked
life into you.

TRAVIS
Pa, I’m---

BLAM!

He shoots the ground around Travis’ feet. Travis squeals like
a girl, utterly terrified. BLAM! BLAM! A large wet stain
spreads around his crotch. Butch Bowers raises the pistol,
as if he were about to whip Travis, who falls to the ground.

Butch shakes his head.

OFFICER BOWERS
(to the boys)
Look at him now boys. Nothing like
a little fear to make a paper man
crumble.
(to Travis)
Clean your drawers ‘fore you come
inside.

He spits out his disgust, stalks inside.

BELLS RING --
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In a tense backyard scene, Travis Bower recklessly shoots a bottle with a .45 while his friends cheer. When Snatch jokingly grabs a cat as a target, Travis prepares to shoot, but is interrupted by his furious father, Officer Bowers. The confrontation escalates into physical punishment as Officer Bowers berates Travis for his dangerous behavior, leaving him humiliated and fearful.
Strengths
  • Intense emotional impact
  • Powerful character dynamics
  • Effective portrayal of abuse and control
Weaknesses
  • Potentially triggering content
  • Negative portrayal of abuse

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene is impactful and intense, effectively portraying the abusive nature of the Bowers family dynamic. The tension and fear are palpable, making it a compelling and memorable moment in the screenplay.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring the abusive family dynamic adds depth to the characters and enhances the overall narrative of the screenplay.

Plot: 8

The plot is advanced through the revelation of Travis and Officer Bowers' relationship, adding layers to the characters and setting up future conflicts within the story.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh approach to exploring themes of masculinity, violence, and family dynamics. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds depth to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Travis and Officer Bowers are well-developed in this scene, showcasing their complex and troubled relationship in a compelling way.

Character Changes: 8

Travis undergoes a significant emotional change in this scene, from fear and submission to defiance and resilience, setting up potential character growth in the future.

Internal Goal: 8

Travis' internal goal is to prove himself to his father and gain his approval. His fear of disappointing his father and desire for acceptance drive his actions in the scene.

External Goal: 7

Travis' external goal is to successfully shoot the target and impress his friends. This goal reflects his desire for validation and recognition from his peers.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between Travis and Officer Bowers is intense and emotionally charged, adding a sense of danger and unease to the scene.

Opposition: 8

The strong opposition in the scene comes from Officer Bowers' violent and abusive behavior towards Travis, creating a sense of danger and conflict that drives the narrative forward.

High Stakes: 8

The high stakes in the scene are evident through the abusive and volatile nature of Travis and Officer Bowers' relationship, adding tension and danger to the narrative.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by revealing more about Travis and Officer Bowers' relationship, setting up future conflicts and character arcs.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the sudden escalation of violence and the unexpected actions of the characters. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how the situation will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the ethical dilemma of using violence and fear to assert dominance. It challenges Travis' beliefs about masculinity and power dynamics within his family.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions of fear, tension, and empathy for Travis, making it a powerful and impactful moment in the screenplay.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue effectively conveys the power dynamics and tension between Travis and Officer Bowers, adding depth to their characters and the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense conflict, emotional stakes, and unpredictable outcome. The characters' actions and dialogue draw the audience in and create a sense of suspense.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, leading to a climactic moment that highlights the characters' emotions and motivations.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene's formatting adheres to the expected format for its genre, effectively conveying the action and dialogue in a visually engaging manner.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with a buildup of tension and conflict, leading to a dramatic climax. The pacing and formatting enhance the impact of the events.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes a tense atmosphere through the juxtaposition of Travis's reckless behavior and the impending threat of Officer Bowers. However, the transition from the previous scene's emotional weight to this one feels abrupt. The shift from a deeply emotional moment to a chaotic and violent one could benefit from a smoother transition to maintain narrative flow.
  • Travis's character is portrayed as reckless and aggressive, but the motivations behind his actions could be further developed. Exploring his relationship with his father, Officer Bowers, could add depth to his character and provide insight into why he feels the need to act out in such a violent manner.
  • The dialogue, while capturing the boys' bravado, lacks distinctiveness among the characters. Each character should have a unique voice that reflects their personality and background. This would enhance the scene's realism and help the audience connect more with each character.
  • The scene's climax, where Officer Bowers confronts Travis, is impactful but could be heightened by incorporating more sensory details. Describing the sounds, smells, and physical sensations during the confrontation would immerse the audience further into the moment and amplify the tension.
  • The ending, where Officer Bowers dismisses Travis, feels somewhat anticlimactic. While it effectively showcases the father's abusive nature, it could benefit from a more dramatic conclusion that leaves a lasting impression on the audience, perhaps by hinting at the long-term effects of this encounter on Travis.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of reflection or a visual cue that connects the emotional weight of the previous scene to this one, such as a lingering shot of the aftermath of the previous scene before cutting to Travis's backyard.
  • Develop Travis's character by including a line or two that hints at his feelings towards his father's expectations or his own insecurities. This could create a more sympathetic portrayal of his reckless behavior.
  • Revise the dialogue to ensure each character has a distinct voice. For example, Snatch could be more naive and innocent, while Travis could be more aggressive and sarcastic, reflecting their personalities.
  • Incorporate more sensory details during the confrontation with Officer Bowers. Describe the sound of the gunshots, the smell of gunpowder, and the physical sensations Travis experiences to create a more immersive experience.
  • Consider ending the scene with a more dramatic moment, such as Travis's internal realization of his father's abusive nature or a visual metaphor that symbolizes his fear and helplessness, leaving the audience with a stronger emotional impact.



Scene 43 -  Pharmacy Confessions
INT. KEENE’S PHARMACY - DAY

-- above the door as Eddie enters, his arm still in a cast.
He sees Greta at the Cash Register reading a SEVENTEEN
MAGAZINE. She watches him, amused. Because she’s bored.

MR. KEENE
Here for the refills, Eddie?

Eddie nods. Mr. Keene sighs and disappears in the back. Once
they’re alone --

GRETA
No friends, huh?

Eddie looks around. She talking to me?

GRETA (CONT’D)
Your cast. No signatures or
anything... So sad.

Eddie looks down at his cast. White. Plain. And yeah, sad.

EDDIE
I didn’t want to get it dirty...

Greta leans on the counter. Casts a quick look over to the
back counter. Where her father could appear any minute.

GRETA
You know it’s all bullshit.

EDDIE
Um, what is?

GRETA
Your medication. They’re placebos.

EDDIE
What does placebo mean?

Greta shakes her head. This kid just doesn’t get it...

GRETA
Placebo means bullshit. Just what I
said...

MR. KEENE (O.S.)
Okay, here we are Mr. Kaspbrak...

Eddie looks over as Mr. Keene comes back with his Medication.

Ringggg.... Rinnggg....
Genres: ["Drama","Coming of Age"]

Summary Eddie, sporting a cast on his arm, visits Keene's Pharmacy and encounters Greta, who playfully mocks his lack of signatures and suggests his medication might be placebos. Their banter reveals Eddie's naivety and Greta's cynical outlook, creating an awkward yet light-hearted atmosphere. The scene concludes with Mr. Keene returning with Eddie's medication, leaving the tension unresolved.
Strengths
  • Engaging character interactions
  • Revealing important information
  • Realistic setting
Weaknesses
  • Limited action
  • Minimal external conflict

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.2

The scene effectively sets up a tense and informative interaction between Eddie and Greta, providing insight into Eddie's character and the world around him.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene, focusing on Eddie's visit to the pharmacy and his interaction with Greta, is engaging and provides valuable character development.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene, while contained within the pharmacy setting, moves the story forward by revealing important information about Eddie's medication and his relationships with others.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh take on the small-town setting by incorporating elements of mystery and intrigue. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters of Eddie and Greta are well-developed in this scene, with their interactions revealing depth and complexity. Eddie's cautious nature and Greta's boldness create an interesting dynamic.

Character Changes: 8

Both Eddie and Greta experience subtle changes in their dynamic during the scene, with Eddie gaining insight into his medication and Greta revealing her blunt honesty.

Internal Goal: 8

Eddie's internal goal in this scene is to maintain a facade of normalcy and avoid revealing his vulnerability. This reflects his deeper need for acceptance and fear of judgment.

External Goal: 7

Eddie's external goal in this scene is to pick up his medication without drawing attention to himself. This reflects the immediate challenge of dealing with his injury and the rumors surrounding his medication.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7.5

There is a moderate level of conflict in the scene, primarily stemming from the tension between Eddie and Greta and the revelation about Eddie's medication.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Greta challenging Eddie's beliefs and forcing him to confront uncomfortable truths. The audience is left unsure of how Eddie will respond.

High Stakes: 7

While the stakes are not extremely high in this scene, the revelation about Eddie's medication adds a layer of complexity to his character and relationships.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by providing crucial information about Eddie's medication and setting up potential conflicts and developments in future scenes.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected revelation about Eddie's medication and the tension between the characters. The audience is left wondering about the truth behind the situation.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between truth and deception. Greta challenges Eddie's beliefs about his medication, forcing him to question the authenticity of his treatment.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7.8

The scene elicits a moderate emotional impact, particularly in terms of revealing Eddie's vulnerability and Greta's boldness.

Dialogue: 8.2

The dialogue in the scene is engaging and reveals important information about Eddie's medication and Greta's perspective on the situation.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its sharp dialogue, subtle tension, and intriguing character dynamics. The mystery surrounding Eddie's medication adds to the suspense.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and suspense, with a gradual reveal of information and character dynamics.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm contribute to its effectiveness.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes a sense of isolation for Eddie, emphasizing his vulnerability through the interaction with Greta. However, the dialogue could be more dynamic to enhance the tension and emotional stakes. Greta's comments about Eddie's cast and medication feel somewhat flat and could benefit from more subtext or a sharper edge to convey her boredom and disdain more vividly.
  • Eddie's response to Greta's comment about the cast lacks emotional depth. Instead of simply stating he didn't want to get it dirty, he could express more about his feelings regarding his injury and isolation, which would create a stronger connection with the audience.
  • The pacing of the scene feels a bit slow, particularly with the dialogue exchange. The moment could be tightened to maintain engagement, especially since it follows a tense confrontation among the group. Consider using more concise dialogue or adding physical actions to keep the momentum going.
  • Greta's character comes off as one-dimensional. While her role is to provoke Eddie, giving her a more complex motivation or backstory could make her more interesting and relatable. This would also enhance the conflict between her and Eddie, making their interaction more impactful.
  • The introduction of Mr. Keene feels abrupt. His entrance could be foreshadowed or built up to create a more seamless transition into the next part of the scene. This would help maintain the flow and keep the audience engaged.
Suggestions
  • Revise Greta's dialogue to include more subtext or sarcasm that reveals her character's boredom and disdain for Eddie's situation. This could create a more engaging dynamic between them.
  • Enhance Eddie's emotional response to Greta's comments by allowing him to express his feelings about his injury and isolation more deeply, which would resonate with the audience.
  • Tighten the pacing of the scene by condensing dialogue and incorporating more physical actions or reactions from Eddie and Greta to maintain engagement.
  • Develop Greta's character further by giving her a backstory or motivation that adds depth to her interaction with Eddie, making their exchange more compelling.
  • Foreshadow Mr. Keene's entrance by incorporating subtle hints or sounds that indicate his presence, allowing for a smoother transition into the next part of the scene.



Scene 44 -  Tension and Turmoil
INT. BEVERLY’S APARTMENT, BEDROOM - CONTINUOUS

Rrrrrrin--

Beverly picks up the phone.

BEVERLY
Hello?

BILL
(on phone)
Hey. It’s me.

Beverly smiles. But still --

BEVERLY
You know not to call me here...
What happened to our signal?

INTERCUT:


INT. BILL’S BEDROOM - CONTINUOUS

Bill stands at his desk. Below him through the floorboards,
we can just make out his parents arguing.

BILL
You answered before I could hang
up. You okay?

BEVERLY
I’m fine.

BILL
Y-you hear from anyone?

BEVERLY
No. You?

Bill doesn’t answer. Doesn’t need to...

BILL
Feel like doing something? I d-
don’t like you being alone...

BEVERLY
I don’t like you being alone
either...

As they talk, we drift out of the Bedroom and down the
Hallway and into the

KITCHEN


To find Mr. Marsh listening on the other line.

BEVERLY (CONT’D)
Usual spot? Ten minutes?

BILL
See you then.

He hangs up.


EXT. TRAVIS BOWER’S BACKYARD - CONTINUOUS

Travis does everything he can not to cry.

VICTOR
You okay, Travis?

An odd wind stirs through the grass there, a yellow menacing
gathering of clouds overhead. Travis suddenly notices...

A BALLOON, bobbing over his mailbox, string connected to
something stuffed inside.

Travis pushes past his two cronies and goes over to the
mailbox. Inside he pulls out THE RAMBO KNIFE. The one he lost
at the beginning.

A murderous look screws onto Travis’ face as he turns his
attention to his house. And his Dad inside. Travis snaps the
string and starts toward the front door with the knife.

The Balloon rises up.
Genres: ["Horror","Drama"]

Summary In a tense scene, Beverly and Bill communicate secretly over the phone, expressing concern for each other's safety amidst personal struggles. Meanwhile, Travis discovers a balloon attached to his lost Rambo knife, triggering a violent reaction as he heads home, indicating a shift in his emotional state. The scene captures the contrasting dynamics of intimate concern and impending aggression, culminating in Travis's determined approach with the knife.
Strengths
  • Building tension and suspense
  • Emotional depth of characters
  • High stakes and conflict
Weaknesses
  • Possible lack of clarity on the resolution of the conflict
  • Limited exploration of other characters' perspectives

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively builds tension and suspense through the use of ominous elements like the balloon and the knife, as well as the emotional turmoil experienced by Travis. The high stakes and conflict add depth to the narrative, making it engaging and impactful.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene, focusing on Travis' emotional breakdown and the potential danger he poses with the knife, is compelling and adds depth to the character dynamics and overall narrative. The introduction of the balloon as a mysterious element enhances the suspense and intrigue.

Plot: 8.5

The plot of the scene is driven by Travis' escalating emotions and the potential threat he poses with the knife. The introduction of the balloon adds a layer of mystery and danger, propelling the narrative forward and setting up future conflicts and resolutions.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces unique situations such as hidden phone calls, secret meetings, and a sense of impending danger. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and contribute to the overall tension and mystery of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters in the scene, particularly Travis, are well-developed and their emotions are effectively portrayed. The interactions between the characters, their motivations, and the conflicts that arise contribute to the overall tension and drama of the scene.

Character Changes: 8

Travis undergoes a significant emotional change in the scene, moving from frustration and anger to a breaking point of desperation and potential danger. This change drives the character development and sets up future conflicts and resolutions.

Internal Goal: 8

Beverly's internal goal in this scene is to maintain her connection with Bill while also keeping their relationship a secret. This reflects her deeper need for companionship and understanding, as well as her fear of being alone or exposed.

External Goal: 7

Bill's external goal in this scene is to check on Beverly's well-being and make plans to meet up with her. This reflects the immediate circumstances of their relationship and the challenges they face in maintaining their connection while dealing with external pressures.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is intense and multi-layered, involving emotional turmoil, potential danger, and escalating tensions. The conflicts between the characters drive the narrative forward and set the stage for future developments.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with characters facing internal and external conflicts that challenge their beliefs, values, and relationships. The audience is kept on edge by the unpredictable actions and motives of the characters.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes in the scene are high, with the potential danger posed by Travis and the mysterious elements of the balloon and the knife creating a sense of urgency and impending conflict. The emotional turmoil and escalating tensions raise the stakes and engage the audience.

Story Forward: 9

The scene effectively moves the story forward by introducing new conflicts, escalating tensions, and setting up future developments. The emotional impact and high stakes drive the narrative momentum and engage the audience in the characters' struggles.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because it introduces unexpected twists and turns, such as the hidden knife, the ominous balloon, and the characters' hidden motives and emotions.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the tension between secrecy and honesty, as well as the struggle between independence and dependence in relationships. This challenges the protagonists' beliefs about trust, communication, and vulnerability.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking fear, desperation, and tension in the audience. The emotional turmoil experienced by Travis and the looming threat represented by the balloon and the knife create a sense of unease and suspense.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the emotions, tensions, and conflicts experienced by the characters, adding depth to their interactions and motivations. The dialogue enhances the character dynamics and drives the plot forward.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it creates a sense of mystery, tension, and danger through its characters' actions and dialogue, as well as the atmospheric descriptions and intercutting between locations.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and suspense through a gradual escalation of action and dialogue, as well as intercutting between locations to create a sense of urgency and danger.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with proper spacing, character names, and dialogue formatting that enhances readability and clarity.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings, intercutting between locations, and a progression of action and dialogue that builds tension and suspense.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes a sense of urgency and concern between Beverly and Bill, highlighting their close bond amidst the chaos surrounding them. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext to deepen their emotional connection. As it stands, the conversation feels somewhat surface-level, lacking the weight of their shared experiences and fears.
  • The intercutting between Beverly and Bill's conversation and Travis's actions is a strong narrative choice, creating tension and foreshadowing. However, the transition could be smoother. The abrupt shift from the intimate phone call to Travis's menacing demeanor feels jarring. A more gradual transition or a stronger thematic link between the two scenes could enhance the flow.
  • Travis's character is introduced with a clear emotional state, but his motivations could be more explicitly tied to the overarching themes of fear and isolation present in the script. While his actions are violent, providing a glimpse into his internal struggle or background could make him a more complex antagonist.
  • The visual elements, such as the balloon and the knife, are effective symbols of impending danger. However, the scene could benefit from more sensory details to enhance the atmosphere. Describing the sounds, smells, or even the physical sensations Travis experiences could immerse the audience further into the moment.
  • The dialogue, while functional, lacks distinct character voices. Each character should have a unique way of speaking that reflects their personality and background. This would help differentiate them and make the interactions feel more authentic.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more subtext to Beverly and Bill's dialogue to convey their deeper feelings and fears. This could involve them referencing past experiences or using metaphors that resonate with their current situation.
  • Smooth out the transition between Beverly and Bill's conversation and Travis's actions. Perhaps include a moment where the tension builds in Beverly's conversation, hinting at the danger that Travis represents, before cutting to him.
  • Explore Travis's character further by incorporating a brief flashback or internal monologue that reveals his motivations and fears. This could help the audience empathize with him, even as he engages in violent behavior.
  • Enhance the sensory details in the scene. Describe the atmosphere in Beverly's room and Travis's backyard more vividly, using sounds, smells, and tactile sensations to create a more immersive experience.
  • Differentiate the characters' dialogue by giving each a distinct voice or manner of speaking. This could involve varying sentence structure, word choice, or even incorporating unique phrases that reflect their personalities.



Scene 45 -  Confrontation in the Bedroom
INT. BEVERLY’S APARTMENT, BEDROOM - CONTINUOUS

Beverly stands in front of the mirror, buttoning up her
shirt. Freezes when she sees behind her --

Creeeeeeaaaak.

Of her Bedroom Door as it opens. In the reflection, she can
see her Father standing at the threshold.

BEVERLY
H-Hi, Daddy...

MR. MARSH
You’re looking prettied up, Bevvie.

BEVERLY
I’m not prettied up, Daddy. I wear
this almost every day...


MR. MARSH
Who was that you was talkin’ to
just now?

BEVERLY
A friend.

Mr. Marsh enters the room.

MR. MARSH
Is that the boy you been running
around with?

BEVERLY
He’s just a friend.

Mr. Marsh sits on the edge of her bed.

MR. MARSH
Well come over here, give your
daddy a minute.

She reluctantly goes over. Gives him a kiss. He snatches her
wrist as she pulls away.

MR. MARSH (CONT’D)
You know I worry about you, Bevvie.
I worry a lot.

BEVERLY
I know daddy.

She tries to go, but he holds on to her wrist.

MR. MARSH
People in town got to saying some
things to me. About you. Sneakin’
around all summer long with a pack
of boys. Only girl to the pack.

BEVERLY
They’re just friends Daddy, I
swear...

MR. MARSH
I know what’s in them boy’s minds
when they look at you, Bevvie. All
too well...

He squeezes harder. It begins to hurt.

BEVERLY
Daddy, my hand--


MR. MARSH
Your ma says you’re a woman now.
What’s that mean? You been doing
womanly things down in the woods
with those boys?

He jerks her closer to him, proprietary.

BEVERLY
Nothing. Please, daddy. You don’t
have to worry. I promise.

MR. MARSH
No? What’s this?

He pulls out Ben’s Postcard.

BEVERLY
It’s nothing. Just a poem.

MR. MARSH
A poem? You squirreled it away in
your undies drawer. Why would you
want to hide it there, Bevvie?

He looks at her legs.

MR. MARSH (CONT’D)
Slip down them shorts.

BEVERLY
What?

MR. MARSH
I need you to prove to me you’re
still mine...

Beverly tries to resist.

BEVERLY
No...

MR. MARSH
C’mere...

BEVERLY
No! Daddy!

Bev wrestles away, falling back and smacking her head on the
floor. She starts crabbing away on her back down the hall.

Her dad lunges on top of her.


MR. MARSH,
Them little boys, Bevvie. Do they
know you’re my --

Bev knees him in the balls. Her father lets go, crumpling
down. She kicks him in the face as hard as she can, his head
flying back into the side of the door.

Beverly tries to race out the door but he snatches her ankle
and she trips into the hallway. By the time she is up he is
already charging after her. She stumbles back into the

BATHROOM

and shuts the door, trying to lock herself inside. He kicks
the door open before the lock catches.

Without thinking Bev grabs the toilet top and smashes it in
her dad’s crown. He slumps down. Unconscious. Suddenly --

From the Faucet. From the Shower. Between cracks in the tile.

BLOOD.

Gushes everywhere.

Beverly runs back into the

HALLWAY

Pennywise stands there. Balloons in hand. Beverly realizes
she has nowhere to go. Pennywise releases the balloons. They
float up and POP!POP!POP! as they hit the ceiling.

BLOOD bursting out of them.
Genres: ["Horror","Drama"]

Summary In a tense and disturbing scene, Beverly prepares in her bedroom when her father, Mr. Marsh, confronts her about her friendships with boys, particularly a postcard from Ben. His concern quickly escalates into aggression as he physically restrains her, demanding proof of her innocence. In a desperate struggle, Beverly fights back and knocks him unconscious with a toilet lid. As she escapes, she encounters Pennywise, who ominously appears with blood-filled balloons, heightening the sense of dread.
Strengths
  • Intense emotional impact
  • Effective blend of horror and drama
  • Compelling character development
Weaknesses
  • Graphic violence may be disturbing to some viewers

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene effectively blends horror and drama, creating a tense and emotionally charged sequence that keeps the audience engaged. The use of violence and supernatural elements adds depth to the narrative, making it a compelling and impactful moment in the story.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of the scene, focusing on the themes of abuse, fear, and supernatural terror, is well-developed and effectively portrayed. The integration of real-world horrors with supernatural elements adds depth and complexity to the narrative.

Plot: 9

The plot of the scene is crucial in advancing the character development and overarching story. It introduces significant conflicts, reveals character dynamics, and sets the stage for future events, making it a pivotal moment in the narrative.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the theme of abusive control, portraying it in a raw and unflinching manner. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9.2

The characters in the scene, particularly Beverly and Pennywise, are well-defined and undergo significant emotional and psychological challenges. Their interactions and reactions drive the tension and drama, enhancing the overall impact of the scene.

Character Changes: 9

The characters, especially Beverly, undergo significant changes during the scene, facing their fears, asserting their agency, and confronting traumatic experiences. These transformations shape their arcs and relationships, driving the narrative forward.

Internal Goal: 9

Beverly's internal goal is to assert her independence and resist her father's oppressive control. This reflects her deeper need for autonomy and freedom from his abusive behavior.

External Goal: 8

Beverly's external goal is to escape her father's abusive behavior and assert her agency in the face of his control.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is intense and multi-layered, encompassing interpersonal struggles, supernatural threats, and emotional turmoil. The clash between Beverly and her father, as well as the confrontation with Pennywise, heightens the stakes and drives the narrative forward.

Opposition: 9

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Beverly facing a formidable challenge in the form of her abusive father and the supernatural presence of Pennywise.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes in the scene are high, involving personal safety, emotional well-being, and supernatural threats. The characters face life-threatening situations, psychological trauma, and moral dilemmas, heightening the tension and raising the stakes for the overall story.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward by introducing key conflicts, deepening character dynamics, and setting up future events. It establishes crucial plot points, reveals character motivations, and builds suspense, ensuring the narrative progression.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected escalation of violence and the introduction of Pennywise, adding a supernatural element to the conflict.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the clash between patriarchal dominance and female autonomy. Beverly's father represents traditional values of control and ownership over women, while Beverly embodies the desire for independence and self-determination.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9.5

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking fear, anguish, and desperation in the characters and the audience. The intense moments of violence, terror, and vulnerability create a visceral and haunting experience, leaving a lasting impression.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the characters' emotions, fears, and motivations. It adds depth to the interactions between Beverly and her father, as well as the eerie encounter with Pennywise, enhancing the overall atmosphere.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its high stakes, emotional intensity, and dramatic conflict. The audience is drawn into Beverly's struggle for autonomy and survival.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, leading to a climactic confrontation between Beverly and her father.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, effectively conveying the intensity and urgency of the situation.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, leading to a climactic confrontation between Beverly and her father.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension through the physical and emotional conflict between Beverly and her father, Mr. Marsh. The dialogue captures the oppressive nature of their relationship, showcasing Mr. Marsh's possessiveness and Beverly's desperation to assert her independence. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext; while the intentions are clear, adding layers to their exchanges could enhance the emotional weight.
  • The transition from the confrontation with Mr. Marsh to the appearance of Pennywise is abrupt. While the horror element is strong, the shift could be smoother to maintain the tension. Consider foreshadowing Pennywise's presence earlier in the scene or incorporating subtle hints that lead to his sudden appearance.
  • The physicality of the fight between Beverly and her father is visceral and impactful, but it may come off as somewhat exaggerated. While the stakes are high, grounding the action in a more realistic manner could enhance the believability of the scene. For instance, Beverly's reactions could reflect a mix of fear and determination rather than solely aggression.
  • The use of blood as a visual motif is powerful, but it risks overshadowing the emotional core of the scene. The blood gushing from the faucet and shower could be interpreted as a metaphor for Beverly's trauma, yet it may also distract from her immediate struggle. Balancing the horror elements with character-driven moments will create a more cohesive narrative.
  • The ending, with Pennywise appearing and the balloons bursting, is visually striking but feels somewhat disconnected from the preceding conflict. It would be beneficial to explore Beverly's emotional state in this moment—how does she feel about her father's attack and the sudden appearance of Pennywise? This could deepen the impact of the scene and provide a clearer emotional throughline.
Suggestions
  • Enhance the dialogue between Beverly and Mr. Marsh by incorporating more subtext, allowing their motivations and emotions to be felt rather than explicitly stated. This will create a richer dynamic and engage the audience more deeply.
  • Consider adding foreshadowing elements that hint at Pennywise's presence before he appears, creating a more seamless transition from the domestic conflict to the supernatural horror.
  • Ground the physical confrontation between Beverly and her father in a more realistic manner, balancing her fear and aggression to create a more relatable and believable struggle.
  • Reassess the use of blood as a visual element; ensure it serves the emotional narrative rather than overshadowing it. Consider how Beverly's trauma can be expressed through her reactions and the environment without overwhelming the scene.
  • Explore Beverly's emotional response to the appearance of Pennywise at the end of the scene. This could involve her reflecting on her father's attack and the horror she faces, creating a more cohesive emotional arc that ties the scene together.



Scene 46 -  Blood and Betrayal
INT. TRAVIS BOWER’S HOUSE - DAY

The front door creaks open, Victor and Snatch poking their
heads in...

SNATCH
Travis?

VICTOR
Mr. Bowers?

Nothing. They see a streak of blood on the floor that leads
to the KITCHEN and Butch Bowers on the linoleum floor in a
red pool, stabbed dozens of times.

SNATCH
Holy fuck.


Victor vomits.

The cat slips in and starts licking up the blood.

SNATCH (CONT’D)
Travis, dude, you okay?

Snatch continues on into the LIVING ROOM where he finds
TRAVIS sitting in Butch’s favorite Lazy-boy in front of the
TV, which is turned on to PENNYWISE THE CLOWN SHOW.

He holds the knife, slicked in blood, his eyes glazed. He
turns and looks at Snatch and Victor in the doorway.

TRAVIS
It’s my knife now.


EXT. DERRY STANDPIPE - DAY

On his bike, Bill makes endless figure eights. He keeps
looking in the same direction. Waiting for Beverly. He checks
his watch. Makes a decision.


INT. APARTMENT HALLWAY/BEVERLY’S APARTMENT - MOMENTS LATER

Bill sees the Front Door ajar. Pushes it open, revealing all
the blood. And Mr. Marsh. Knocked out on the floor.

BILL
BEVERLY! BEVERLY!

Searching... searching...

Inside

BEVERLY’S BEDROOM

Right above her bed. Scrawled in blood.

YOU’LL DIE IF YOU TRY!

Bill races out of the room.

CUT TO THE:

FINAL FIGHT.

The side-scrolling Arcade Game, I mean.

Richie plays, kicking and punching away his frustration as he
progresses through the game. We’re inside the


ARCADE

Richie is at the ‘FINAL BOSS BATTLE’.

RICHIE
Finally! Anyone wanna watch me --

BILL (O.S.)
RICHIE!

Bill races over as the Final Boss Fight BEGINS.

BILL (CONT’D)
It got Beverly.

Richie looks at Bill, a moment between them.

RICHIE
I’ll call Eddie and Stanley. You
get Ben and Mike... We’ll meet up
at the standpipe.

BILL
Th-thanks.

RICHIE
Hey, what are friends for, right?

Richie and Bill leave. As we pan back to FINAL FIGHT to find
Richie’s Player ‘CODY’ getting the shit kicked out of him.
Hope that isn’t a sign of things to come.

Probably is, though.
Genres: ["Horror","Thriller","Drama"]

Summary Victor and Snatch discover a gruesome murder in Travis Bower's house, finding Butch Bowers dead and Travis holding the bloody knife, revealing his unstable nature. Meanwhile, Bill finds blood in Beverly's apartment and rushes to warn Richie about her danger. The scene builds tension as they prepare to gather their friends to confront the looming threat, underscored by a chilling atmosphere and a sense of urgency.
Strengths
  • Intense atmosphere
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • High stakes
  • Suspenseful pacing
Weaknesses
  • Potential for excessive violence
  • Complexity of emotional themes

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.7

The scene effectively builds tension, delivers emotional impact, and advances the plot significantly. The high stakes and intense conflict keep the audience engaged, while the emotional turmoil adds depth to the characters.


Story Content

Concept: 8.6

The concept of facing a supernatural entity like Pennywise in a high-stakes confrontation is compelling and drives the scene forward. The scene effectively explores themes of fear, desperation, and the strength of friendship.

Plot: 8.7

The plot in this scene is crucial as it involves the final confrontation with Pennywise, a significant turning point in the story. The events that unfold have a direct impact on the characters and the overall narrative.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces unique and fresh elements, such as the presence of blood, violence, and a cat licking up the blood. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and contribute to the sense of danger and urgency.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters' emotions and motivations are well portrayed, especially in the face of danger and conflict. Their interactions and decisions reveal their individual traits and contribute to the scene's intensity.

Character Changes: 8

The characters undergo significant emotional changes during the scene, facing their fears, confronting Pennywise, and strengthening their bonds as a group. These changes drive their character arcs forward.

Internal Goal: 8

Travis's internal goal is to assert control and power over the situation by claiming ownership of the knife. This reflects his desire for dominance and possibly a darker side to his character.

External Goal: 9

The protagonist's external goal is to gather his friends and make a plan to save Beverly. This reflects the immediate challenge they are facing and the need for teamwork and strategy.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is intense, both externally with Pennywise and internally among the characters. The high stakes and emotional turmoil heighten the conflict, driving the narrative forward.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the characters facing a dangerous and unpredictable situation that challenges their values and beliefs. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how the characters will respond.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are incredibly high in this scene, with the characters facing a life-threatening situation against Pennywise. The outcome of the confrontation will have a profound impact on their lives and the overall story.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward significantly by resolving the confrontation with Pennywise, deepening the characters' development, and setting the stage for the next narrative arc. It is a pivotal moment in the plot.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected violence and dark turn of events. The characters' actions and decisions keep the audience on edge, unsure of what will happen next.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the characters' sense of morality and loyalty. Travis's actions challenge the values of his friends, who must now decide how to respond to his violent behavior.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.8

The scene evokes strong emotions from fear and desperation to shock and determination. The characters' emotional journeys and the high-stakes confrontation contribute to the impactful nature of the scene.

Dialogue: 8.2

The dialogue effectively conveys the characters' emotions, fears, and determination. It adds depth to the scene and enhances the overall tension and suspense.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense and suspenseful atmosphere, the high stakes faced by the characters, and the sense of danger and urgency. The reader is drawn into the story and invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the reader engaged and invested in the characters' actions and decisions. The rhythm of the scene contributes to its effectiveness in conveying the urgency of the situation.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, effectively conveying the visual and emotional elements of the story. The use of scene headings and descriptions enhances the reader's understanding of the setting and characters.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format that effectively builds tension and suspense. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness in conveying the urgency of the characters' actions.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension and horror through the shocking discovery of Butch Bowers's body and Travis's unsettling demeanor. However, the transition from the gruesome murder scene to Bill's anxious wait for Beverly feels abrupt. This shift could benefit from a smoother narrative flow to maintain the emotional stakes.
  • The dialogue is minimal, which works well in creating a sense of dread and urgency. However, adding a line or two of internal thought or reaction from Victor and Snatch could enhance their characters and provide a deeper emotional response to the horror they encounter.
  • Travis's line, 'It’s my knife now,' is chilling and encapsulates his transformation. However, it could be more impactful if it were delivered with a clearer emotional context. Is he proud, defiant, or simply lost? A brief moment of reflection or a flash of his previous state could add depth to his character.
  • The visual imagery of blood and the cat licking it adds a grotesque layer to the scene, but it might be worth considering how this imagery serves the overall narrative. Does it symbolize something about Travis's character or the environment of Derry? Making these connections clearer could enhance the thematic depth.
  • The pacing of the scene is generally effective, but the transition to Bill's storyline could be more gradual. Instead of jumping straight to Bill's frantic search, consider incorporating a moment of reflection or a brief pause to allow the audience to absorb the horror of the previous scene.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of dialogue or internal monologue from Victor and Snatch to establish their characters and reactions to the horror they witness. This could help ground the audience in their perspective.
  • Enhance Travis's emotional state by providing a moment of reflection before he delivers his line about the knife. This could help the audience understand his transformation and the weight of his actions.
  • Smooth the transition between the horror of the murder scene and Bill's storyline by incorporating a moment of silence or a lingering shot on the blood before cutting to Bill. This could heighten the emotional impact.
  • Explore the thematic implications of the blood and the cat's actions. Consider adding a line or visual cue that connects this imagery to the larger narrative about Derry's darkness and its effect on the characters.
  • Ensure that the pacing remains consistent by allowing moments of tension to breathe before shifting to the next storyline. This can help maintain the audience's emotional engagement throughout the scene.



Scene 47 -  Breaking Free
INT. KASPBRAK HOUSE, EDDIE’S BEDROOM - DAY

Eddie on the phone with Richie --

EDDIE
Meet you there.

He hangs up. Stares at himself in the mirror. Can he do this?
He can do this. About to go --

But Mrs. Kaspbarak enters. Licks her fingers clean of
whatever she was eating earlier. Probably lots of things.

MRS. KASPBRAK
And just where do you think you’re
going off to?

EDDIE
Out with my friends.


MRS. KASPBRAK
No sweetie, you can’t go. You’re
still getting over your sickness,
remember?

EDDIE
My sickness? What sickness, Ma?

He goes over to his closet. Pulls out the Plastic Bag he got
at the Pharmacy. Dumps out all the untouched medication.

Mrs. Kaspbrak. Horrified at the sight.

EDDIE (CONT’D)
Know what these are? They’re
placebos! They’re bullshit!

MRS. KASPBRAK
No, they help you, Eddie. They help
me. You were born so early, you
were so delicate and fragile that I
had to protect you --

EDDIE
How can any of this protect me?

Eddie stops. Realizes:

EDDIE (CONT’D)
The only people looking out for me
were my friends... You made me turn
my back on them when I really
needed them... But now they need me
so I’m going.

Charges past her and down the stairs. She stands at the top,
the bulk of her threatening to tumble down.

MRS. KASPBRAK
EDDIE! EDDIE! YOU GET BACK HERE!
DON’T DO THIS TO ME EDDIE!

But Eddie does. Eddie leaves.
Genres: ["Drama","Horror"]

Summary Eddie confronts his overprotective mother, Mrs. Kaspbrak, about the medication she insists he needs, which he believes are placebos. As he struggles with his desire for independence, he asserts that his friends are the ones who truly care for him. Despite his mother's desperate attempts to keep him from leaving, Eddie ultimately chooses to break free from her control and heads out to meet his friends, symbolizing his rejection of her authority.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Tension building
Weaknesses
  • Limited interaction with other characters
  • Lack of external action

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys tension, conflict, and emotional depth through Eddie's confrontation with his mother and his decision to assert his independence.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of Eddie standing up to his mother and asserting his independence is compelling and adds depth to his character arc.

Plot: 8

The plot progresses as Eddie makes a significant decision to defy his mother and join his friends, setting up potential conflicts and developments in the story.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh take on the theme of family dynamics and personal growth, with authentic character actions and dialogue that resonate with the audience.


Character Development

Characters: 9

Eddie's character is well-developed in this scene, showcasing his growth, determination, and resilience in the face of adversity.

Character Changes: 8

Eddie undergoes a significant change in this scene, asserting his independence and standing up for himself, which sets the stage for further character development.

Internal Goal: 9

Eddie's internal goal in this scene is to assert his independence and break free from his mother's overprotective grip. This reflects his deeper need for autonomy and self-determination.

External Goal: 8

Eddie's external goal in this scene is to meet his friends and go out with them, despite his mother's objections. This reflects the immediate challenge he faces in defying his mother's authority.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between Eddie and his mother, as well as his internal conflict, adds tension and emotional depth to the scene.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Eddie facing resistance from his mother and internal conflict as he struggles to assert his independence.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are high for Eddie as he defies his mother and chooses to join his friends, risking his fragile health and strained relationship with his family.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by highlighting Eddie's growth and determination, setting up potential conflicts and resolutions in the narrative.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected turn of events, conflicting motivations of the characters, and the uncertain outcome of Eddie's decision to defy his mother.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the clash between Eddie's desire for independence and his mother's need to protect him. This challenges Eddie's beliefs about self-reliance and the role of family in his life.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions from the audience, particularly empathy for Eddie's struggles and admiration for his courage.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue effectively conveys Eddie's emotions, conflicts, and motivations, adding depth to his character.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the high emotional stakes, intense conflict, and relatable character dynamics that draw the audience into the story.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, with a gradual escalation of conflict and emotional intensity that keeps the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of the scene adheres to the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings, dialogue, and action descriptions that enhance readability and flow.

Structure: 9

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, effectively building tension and conflict to drive the narrative forward.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures Eddie's internal struggle and his desire for independence, which is a crucial character development moment. However, the dialogue could be more dynamic. The exchanges between Eddie and Mrs. Kaspbrak feel somewhat one-dimensional and could benefit from more emotional depth or subtext to enhance the tension.
  • Eddie's realization about his friends being the ones who truly care for him is a strong moment, but it could be emphasized further. The transition from his internal conflict to his decision to leave feels a bit abrupt. Adding a moment of hesitation or reflection could heighten the emotional stakes.
  • Mrs. Kaspbrak's character is portrayed as overbearing, but her motivations could be clearer. While it's evident she is protective, providing a glimpse into her fears or insecurities could make her more relatable and complex, rather than just a barrier to Eddie's freedom.
  • The visual elements, such as Eddie dumping the medication, are impactful, but the scene could benefit from more sensory details. Describing the room's atmosphere, Eddie's physical state, or even the sounds of the house could create a more immersive experience for the audience.
  • The pacing of the scene is generally good, but the climax where Eddie decides to leave could be more dramatic. Building up to this moment with heightened tension or a more intense confrontation could make the resolution feel more satisfying.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more layers to Mrs. Kaspbrak's character by including a line or two that reveals her own fears or past experiences that inform her overprotectiveness. This could create a more nuanced conflict between her and Eddie.
  • Enhance the emotional weight of Eddie's realization by incorporating a brief flashback or memory that highlights a moment when his friends supported him, contrasting it with his mother's control. This could deepen the audience's understanding of his decision.
  • Introduce more sensory details to the scene, such as the smell of the medication, the clutter in Eddie's room, or the sounds of the house, to create a more vivid setting that reflects Eddie's emotional state.
  • Consider extending the moment where Eddie hesitates before leaving. This could involve him looking back at something significant in his room or a moment of doubt that he overcomes, making his decision to leave more impactful.
  • Revise the dialogue to include more subtext or emotional undertones. For example, Eddie could express his frustration in a more layered way, perhaps by referencing specific instances where he felt isolated due to his mother's control, making the conflict feel more personal.



Scene 48 -  Confronting Fears
EXT. MONUMENT SQUARE - LATER

The Losers reunited. Save for one. The serious nature of
their task weighs on ‘em. Richie sees Mike’s Stunbolt.

MIKE
Better than a broken bottle.


BILL
If anyone wants to bow out now...

BEN
No. Remember what Beverly said. We
all go or none of us do... That’s
the only way we can defeat It.

Bill nods.

BILL
Then let’s go to Neibolt.

CUT TO:

OVER BLACK,

An old DOO-WOP RECORD plays, amplified by distant and crummy
speakers: You’re my love, you’re my angel, you’re the girl of
my dream...

ON BEVERLY

Snaps awake. Where is she? Looks like --

A DARK TUNNEL

Made of rubble and rust.

I’d like to thank you for waiting patiently...

A noise. She turns. At the far end of the tunnel, a SHADOW OF
MR. MARSH appears on the wall. Nightmarishly exaggerated.

Daddy’s home... Daddy’s home to stay...

Beverly stands. Fists clenched. Ready to go round two with
her father. But then the record begins to slow down as the
shadow morphs into --

A GIANT SPIDER.

Beverly scrambles the other way at the Spider’s Shadow
continues to grow. She chances a look back and right when you
think the Spider is about to turn the corner --

It’s Pennywise instead. Making SHADOW PUPPETS with his hands.
He stops and points behind Beverly -- so scared is he --

She spins and sees Pennywise right in her face.

Beverly falls back, out of reach. He approaches, towering
over her. Sharp Teeth bared as she cowers. But wait. He
stops. Something is off. But what?


CLOSE ON: Beverly’s hand. Fingers curled around rock.

BEVERLY
I’m not afraid of you.

WHACK!

She SMACKS him across the face with the stone. Knocks
Pennywise aside and takes off running.

Pennywise rises up. Filled with rage.
Genres: ["Horror","Thriller","Drama"]

Summary The Losers regroup, determined to face It together, as Mike shows Richie his weapon and Bill emphasizes unity. Meanwhile, Beverly awakens in a dark tunnel, confronting a shadowy figure of her father that transforms into Pennywise. Despite her initial fear, she finds her courage and strikes Pennywise with a rock before fleeing as he becomes furious.
Strengths
  • Intense confrontation with Pennywise
  • Character development and growth
  • Tension and fear-building
  • Emotional depth and impact
Weaknesses
  • Possible predictability in Beverly's defiance
  • Limited exploration of other character dynamics

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.7

The scene effectively builds tension and fear through the encounter with Pennywise, showcasing the characters' emotional struggles and determination. The stakes are high, and the conflict is palpable, leading to a memorable and impactful moment in the story.


Story Content

Concept: 8.6

The concept of confronting Pennywise in a dark tunnel is compelling and fits well within the horror genre. The scene effectively explores themes of fear, bravery, and facing one's demons, adding depth to the characters' arcs.

Plot: 8.7

The plot of the scene is crucial in advancing the characters' journey in confronting Pennywise and overcoming their fears. It adds significant development to the overall narrative and sets the stage for future events.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the horror genre by combining elements of supernatural terror with themes of empowerment and facing past trauma. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and contribute to the scene's originality.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters' emotional struggles, determination, and growth are well-portrayed in the scene. Beverly's defiance against Pennywise and the group's unity in facing the threat showcase their individual strengths and collective bond.

Character Changes: 9

The characters undergo significant changes in the scene, particularly Beverly, who shows courage and defiance in the face of danger. Their growth and development contribute to the overall character arcs and thematic exploration of fear and bravery.

Internal Goal: 9

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to overcome her fear and stand up to her abusive father figure, represented by Pennywise. This reflects her deeper need for empowerment and liberation from past trauma.

External Goal: 8

The protagonist's external goal is to escape from Pennywise and survive the encounter. This reflects the immediate challenge she is facing in the scene.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is intense and palpable, as the characters face a formidable enemy in Pennywise and must confront their deepest fears. The high stakes and emotional turmoil heighten the tension and drive the action forward.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing a terrifying entity and her own fears. The audience is kept on edge as they wonder how she will overcome the obstacles in her path.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes in the scene are high, as the characters confront a deadly enemy in Pennywise and must overcome their deepest fears to survive. The danger and suspense are palpable, adding urgency and tension to the narrative.

Story Forward: 9

The scene effectively moves the story forward by advancing the characters' journey in confronting Pennywise and deepening the mystery and suspense surrounding the antagonist. It sets up future conflicts and resolutions, propelling the narrative towards its climax.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists and turns in the protagonist's encounter with Pennywise, as well as the supernatural elements that keep the audience guessing.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the themes of fear, empowerment, and facing one's past. It challenges the protagonist's beliefs about her own strength and ability to confront her fears.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.8

The scene has a significant emotional impact, evoking fear, tension, and empathy for the characters as they confront their fears and fight against a terrifying adversary. The emotional depth adds resonance to the narrative.

Dialogue: 8.2

The dialogue effectively conveys the characters' emotions, fears, and motivations, adding depth to the scene. It enhances the tension and conflict, driving the narrative forward and highlighting the characters' internal struggles.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense action, supernatural elements, and the protagonist's courageous stand against a terrifying foe. The suspenseful atmosphere keeps the audience on the edge of their seats.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, with a gradual escalation of action and a climactic confrontation between the protagonist and Pennywise. The rhythm of the scene enhances its effectiveness in conveying fear and empowerment.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a horror genre screenplay, with clear scene descriptions, character actions, and dialogue that enhance the suspenseful atmosphere.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a horror genre screenplay, with a buildup of tension, a confrontation with a terrifying entity, and a resolution that leaves room for further development.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the tension and urgency of the Losers' mission, but it could benefit from deeper emotional resonance. The dialogue feels somewhat functional and lacks the weight of the characters' shared trauma. Adding a moment of reflection or a brief exchange that highlights their fears or motivations could enhance the emotional stakes.
  • The transition from the Losers' meeting to Beverly's awakening in the dark tunnel is visually striking, but the abrupt shift in tone may confuse the audience. Consider adding a brief moment that connects the two scenes, perhaps through a shared thought or a visual motif that links their experiences.
  • Beverly's confrontation with her father and Pennywise is compelling, but the dialogue could be more impactful. Instead of simply stating 'I’m not afraid of you,' consider a line that reflects her growth and determination, perhaps referencing her past experiences or the support of her friends. This would deepen her character arc and make her defiance more poignant.
  • The imagery of the shadow morphing from Mr. Marsh to the giant spider and then to Pennywise is visually engaging, but it may benefit from clearer pacing. The transitions feel a bit rushed, which could detract from the suspense. Slowing down the moment when Beverly first sees the shadow could build tension and allow the audience to fully absorb the horror of her situation.
  • The scene ends with Beverly striking Pennywise, which is a strong moment of action. However, it might be more effective to include a brief moment of hesitation or doubt before she acts. This would highlight her internal struggle and make her eventual action feel like a significant turning point.
Suggestions
  • Incorporate a moment of vulnerability among the Losers before they head to Neibolt, allowing them to express their fears or doubts about facing It. This could strengthen their bond and make their resolve to stick together more impactful.
  • Consider adding a visual or auditory cue that connects Beverly's experience in the tunnel with the Losers' mission, such as a shared memory or a sound that echoes their determination.
  • Revise Beverly's line to reflect her growth, perhaps by incorporating a reference to her friends or a past experience that empowers her in this moment.
  • Slow down the pacing of the shadow transitions to build suspense, allowing the audience to feel the weight of Beverly's fear and the horror of her situation.
  • Add a moment of hesitation for Beverly before she strikes Pennywise, showcasing her internal conflict and making her action feel like a significant and hard-won victory.



Scene 49 -  Confronting Fears at Neibolt House
EXT. NEIBOLT HOUSE - MOMENTS LATER

The Boys drop their bikes on the lawn. They stare at the
house that looms before them. This is It.

As they walk up toward their probable deaths, they fail to
notice Vic’s Trans Am appear at the end of Neibolt.

Creeping along, like a lion in tall grass.


INT. VICTOR’S TRANS AM - CONTINUOUS

Travis slows to a stop.

TRAVIS
Like lambs to a slaughter, wouldn’t
you say fellas?

He looks over at Victor in the Passenger Seat and Belch in
the back. They’re both dead. Throats slit into gaping grins.

TRAVIS (CONT’D)
Yeah, sure you would.


INT. NEIBOLT HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - MOMENTS LATER

Front Door opens. Stirs the dimness and dust. They enter.

MIKE
Where do you think she’ll be?

BILL
B-Basement. The well. That’s where
he was going to take Eds, right?

He looks over at Eddie. Still at the threshold. Rattled.


BILL (CONT’D)
As long as we don’t let fear
overtake us we can do it. But we
have to do it together...

Eddie looks past Bill and into the house. Then meets Bill’s
eyes. Nods. And then enters.

CUT TO:


Still running and scrambling, Beverly rounds a sharp corner
and steps into what Uncle Stevie calls --

THE MACROVERSE

I know it sounds expensive but it isn’t. Picture an ENDLESS
FIELD OF BLACK. Like space. Or death. Beverly looks behind
her. No way to turn back. Has to push forward.
Genres: ["Horror","Thriller","Drama"]

Summary The Boys arrive at the eerie Neibolt House, ready to face their fears while Travis, in a nearby car with the dead Victor and Belch, ominously comments on their fate. Inside, Mike expresses concern for Beverly, and Bill encourages the group to search the basement. Despite Eddie's initial hesitation, he decides to join them. Meanwhile, Beverly is trapped in a dark void known as 'The Macroverse,' highlighting her own struggles. The scene is filled with tension and foreboding as the Boys prepare to confront the dangers that lie ahead.
Strengths
  • Effective tension-building
  • Strong character development
  • Compelling theme exploration
  • Immersive atmosphere
Weaknesses
  • Potential for excessive darkness and horror
  • Complexity of supernatural elements

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene effectively builds tension, introduces high stakes, and showcases character growth and bravery in the face of danger. The incorporation of horror elements, emotional depth, and a surreal setting enhances the overall impact of the scene.


Story Content

Concept: 9.5

The concept of the scene, focusing on the characters' bravery in facing their fears and the supernatural entity, is compelling and drives the narrative forward. The introduction of the Macroverse adds a unique and intriguing element to the story.

Plot: 9

The plot of the scene is crucial as it advances the group's mission to confront It and introduces new challenges and dangers. The conflict and stakes are heightened, leading to a significant turning point in the story.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the horror genre by focusing on the characters' internal struggles with fear and unity, rather than just external threats. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters show growth, courage, and vulnerability in the scene, deepening their development and relationships. Each character's actions and reactions contribute to the overall tension and emotional impact of the scene.

Character Changes: 9

Several characters undergo significant changes in the scene, showing growth, courage, and resilience in the face of danger. Their experiences and interactions shape their development and relationships, setting the stage for further evolution.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to overcome fear and work together with the group to confront the unknown dangers in the Neibolt House. This reflects their deeper need for courage and unity in the face of adversity.

External Goal: 7.5

The protagonist's external goal is to find and confront the entity in the Neibolt House, specifically in the basement where it was planning to take Eds. This goal reflects the immediate challenge they are facing and the need to protect their friend.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is intense and multifaceted, involving external threats from Pennywise and internal tensions among the group. The high stakes and imminent danger drive the characters to confront their fears and take action.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the characters facing external threats in the form of the dangers within the Neibolt House and the unexpected appearance of Vic's Trans Am, adding to the uncertainty and suspense.

High Stakes: 10

The stakes in the scene are exceptionally high, with the characters risking their lives to confront a malevolent entity and protect each other. The imminent danger, personal sacrifices, and emotional turmoil raise the tension and urgency of the situation.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward by introducing new obstacles, escalating the conflict, and deepening the characters' arcs. It sets the stage for pivotal events and resolutions, driving the narrative towards a climactic confrontation with It.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected appearance of Vic's Trans Am and the characters' unawareness of the danger approaching, adding to the suspense and tension of the scene.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the characters' struggle with fear and the importance of unity and courage in the face of danger. This challenges their beliefs about facing their fears and working together to overcome obstacles.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9.2

The scene evokes fear, tension, and empathy for the characters as they face terrifying challenges and personal struggles. The emotional depth and character dynamics enhance the audience's engagement and investment in the story.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue effectively conveys the characters' emotions, fears, and determination, adding depth to their interactions and motivations. It enhances the tension and suspense of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its suspenseful atmosphere, character interactions, and the sense of impending danger that keeps the audience on edge.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and moving the story forward at a compelling pace.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a horror screenplay, with clear scene descriptions and character dialogue that enhance the mood and atmosphere of the setting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a horror genre, building tension and suspense as the characters approach the Neibolt House and face the unknown dangers within.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension as the Boys approach the Neibolt House, which is a crucial moment in the narrative. However, the transition between the exterior and interior of the house could be smoother. The abrupt cut from the Boys' perspective to Travis in the Trans Am feels disjointed and could benefit from a more gradual reveal of the threat he poses.
  • Travis's dialogue, while menacing, lacks depth. The line 'Like lambs to a slaughter, wouldn’t you say fellas?' feels clichéd and could be more original or personalized to reflect his character's twisted mindset. This would enhance the horror element and make the audience feel more invested in the stakes.
  • The description of the Trans Am and the dead characters inside is visually striking, but it could be more impactful if it included sensory details. For example, describing the smell of blood or the eerie silence in the car could heighten the horror and create a more immersive experience for the audience.
  • Bill's dialogue about not letting fear overtake them is a strong moment of camaraderie, but it could be more emotionally charged. Adding a personal anecdote or a moment of vulnerability could deepen the connection between the characters and emphasize the stakes of their mission.
  • The transition to Beverly in the Macroverse is intriguing but feels abrupt. Providing a clearer connection between her situation and the Boys' confrontation could enhance the narrative flow. For instance, a visual or auditory cue that links their experiences would create a more cohesive story.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of hesitation or fear among the Boys before they enter the house to emphasize their bravery in facing the unknown.
  • Revise Travis's dialogue to make it more unique to his character, perhaps by incorporating a personal quirk or a reference that reflects his backstory or motivations.
  • Enhance the sensory details in the scene with Travis to create a more vivid and unsettling atmosphere, allowing the audience to feel the horror of the situation.
  • Deepen Bill's speech by including a personal story or a moment of reflection that highlights his emotional investment in the mission, making his leadership feel more authentic.
  • Create a smoother transition to the Macroverse by incorporating a visual or auditory element that connects Beverly's experience with the Boys' journey, reinforcing the theme of their intertwined fates.



Scene 50 -  Descent into Darkness
INT. NEIBOLT HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - MOMENTS LATER

As the boys investigate further, the house wheezes with its
creaks and groans. Like it’s been disturbed from sleep.

BANG! BANG! From the

KITCHEN

Boys hurry in. Something BANG!BANG!BANGS! against the
Basement Door from the other side. Bill rushes over.

EDDIE
Wait -- no --

BILL
It could be her.

He tries to open the door. But it’s stuck in its frame. The
Others come over to help and -- BANG! -- it flies open. Boys
fall back. A DOZEN RED BALLOONS float out from the Basement
and into the Kitchen. Nothing beyond.

EDDIE
It isn’t her. It’s him.

Bill gets to his feet. Deep breath.

BILL
C’mon. Stay close.

He steps down into the void. Richie, Eddie and Stanley follow
right behind him. Stairs shake and wobble with each step.


ON BILL

He steps off the stairs -- splish! -- and finds himself
stepping into inches of water. Because now he’s inside the

SEWER

Intestinal. Exaggerated. Like they were constructed by a
child’s dark imagination. Bill looks back for the others. But
they’re gone. Along with the basement stairs.

BILL (CONT’D)
G-Guys! Hello?!
Genres: ["Horror","Thriller"]

Summary The boys investigate the ominous Neibolt House, where they hear loud banging from the basement. Despite Eddie's warnings, Bill leads the group to open the stuck door, releasing a dozen red balloons and revealing a dark, water-filled sewer below. As they descend, Bill realizes the others have vanished along with the stairs, leaving him alone in the eerie darkness.
Strengths
  • Effective tension-building
  • Eerie atmosphere
  • Seamless transition between settings
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development in the scene
  • Some dialogue could be more impactful

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively builds tension and sets up a climactic confrontation with Pennywise. The transition from the living room to the basement sewer is well-executed and keeps the audience engaged with its unsettling imagery and mysterious elements.


Story Content

Concept: 8.5

The concept of exploring the Neibolt House and encountering supernatural phenomena is intriguing and well-executed. The transition to the sewer setting adds a unique twist to the scene, creating a sense of otherworldly dread and mystery.

Plot: 8

The plot progresses effectively as the characters delve deeper into the Neibolt House and face escalating challenges. The discovery of the sewer setting adds a new layer of complexity to the story and sets the stage for the upcoming confrontation with Pennywise.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces unique supernatural elements, such as the appearance of red balloons and the unsettling atmosphere of the Neibolt House. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and contribute to the suspenseful tone of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters' reactions and interactions in the scene are consistent with their established personalities and motivations. Each character's response to the escalating danger adds depth to their individual arcs and contributes to the overall tension of the scene.

Character Changes: 8

The characters undergo subtle changes in the scene, as they confront their fears and demonstrate courage in the face of danger. Each character's response to the escalating threats reveals new facets of their personalities and strengthens their bonds as a group.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to confront their fears and uncertainties. It reflects their deeper need for courage and determination in the face of danger.

External Goal: 7.5

The protagonist's external goal is to find the source of the mysterious noises and balloons in the basement. It reflects the immediate challenge of investigating the supernatural occurrences in the house.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The level of conflict in the scene is high, as the characters are faced with supernatural threats, mysterious occurrences, and the looming presence of Pennywise. The escalating tension and sense of danger drive the narrative forward and keep the audience engaged.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the characters facing unknown and terrifying forces that challenge their beliefs and values.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in the scene, as the characters face supernatural threats, mysterious phenomena, and the looming presence of Pennywise. The danger is palpable, and the characters' lives are at risk as they navigate the treacherous environment of the Neibolt House.

Story Forward: 9

The scene effectively moves the story forward by introducing new challenges, escalating the conflict, and setting the stage for the climactic confrontation with Pennywise. The discovery of the sewer setting adds depth to the narrative and propels the characters towards their ultimate goal of defeating the malevolent entity.

Unpredictability: 8.5

This scene is unpredictable because of the sudden appearance of red balloons, the mysterious noises in the basement, and the unexpected disappearance of the characters.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the battle between fear and bravery. The protagonist's beliefs, values, and worldview are challenged by the unknown and terrifying elements of the Neibolt House.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene has a strong emotional impact, evoking feelings of fear, suspense, and anticipation as the characters navigate the treacherous environment of the Neibolt House. The sense of dread and foreboding heightens the emotional stakes and keeps the audience invested in the characters' fates.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the characters' fear, confusion, and determination as they navigate the eerie environment of the Neibolt House. The exchanges between the boys add to the sense of camaraderie and shared peril.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its suspenseful atmosphere, fast-paced action, and intriguing supernatural elements that keep the audience on the edge of their seats.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and suspense, with a gradual escalation of action and a climactic moment that leaves the audience wanting more.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is well-executed, with clear scene headings, action lines, and character dialogue that enhance the visual storytelling.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a horror genre, with a buildup of tension, a mysterious discovery, and a cliffhanger ending that leaves the audience wanting more.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension with the creaking house and the ominous banging from the basement, creating a palpable sense of dread. However, the transition from the living room to the basement could be more fluid. The abruptness of the boys falling back when the door flies open feels slightly disjointed and could benefit from a more gradual build-up to that moment.
  • The dialogue is functional but lacks emotional depth. While Eddie's line, 'It isn’t her. It’s him,' establishes the threat, it could be enhanced by adding more emotional weight or urgency to reflect the boys' fear and desperation. This would help the audience connect more deeply with their plight.
  • The description of the sewer as 'Intestinal. Exaggerated. Like they were constructed by a child’s dark imagination' is evocative but could be expanded. Providing more sensory details—such as smells, sounds, or visual imagery—would immerse the audience further into the setting and enhance the horror elements.
  • Bill's leadership is established, but his character could be further developed in this moment. Adding a brief internal monologue or a flashback to his relationship with Beverly could heighten the stakes and make his determination to find her more compelling.
  • The moment when Bill realizes the others are gone feels abrupt. A more gradual realization, perhaps through a moment of panic or a brief exchange with the others before they disappear, could heighten the emotional impact of his isolation.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment of hesitation or fear among the boys before they enter the basement, which would heighten the tension and make their decision to proceed more impactful.
  • Enhance the dialogue to reflect the characters' emotional states more vividly. For example, have Eddie express more fear or doubt about the situation, which could create a stronger contrast with Bill's determination.
  • Expand on the sensory details of the sewer environment. Describe the sounds of water, the smell of dampness, or the feeling of the water on their feet to create a more immersive experience.
  • Incorporate a brief flashback or internal thought from Bill that connects his current fear to his past experiences with Beverly or Georgie, which would deepen his motivation and the stakes of the scene.
  • Consider using a visual cue, such as a flickering light or a shadow moving in the background, to foreshadow the danger that awaits them in the basement, enhancing the suspense before they descend.



Scene 51 -  Confronting Shadows
INT. BASEMENT - CONTINUOUS

Richie, Stanley, Eddie, Ben and Mike steps off into the
basement. But no sign of Bill. He’s vanished.

EDDIE
Where’s Bill? We were supposed to
stick together...

RICHIE
BILL?


INT. SEWER - CONTINUOUS

Bill searches for a way out. Trying to remain calm, trying to
remain brave -- repeating over and over again --

BILL
H-he th-thrust his f-fists into the
posts and still insists he s-sees
the...

A SHADOW passes over him. Bill stops.

PENNYWISE (O.S.)
...g-g-ghosts.

Bill looks up. Sees Pennywise smiling at Bill through a Sewer
Grate. Blood drips from his teeth and down onto Bill.

Bill swallows down his fear, stands his ground. Pennywise
drools, deciding...

PENNYWISE (CONT’D)
Not yet seasoned. But I know a
boymeat that is...

He laughs and steps away. Off Bill’s ‘oh shit’ look --


INT. BASEMENT - CONTINUOUS

The Boys search the shadows of the basement for Bill. Somehow
it seems more sprawling than the house above them.

Near Eddie. A ‘did I just hear that?’ WHISPER --

BILL (O.S.)
Eddie!

Eddie turns. Where’d that come from?

EDDIE
Bill?

He creeps further into shadow. Stops. Senses something off.
Looks down at his feet as the floor opens up under him.

He drops into a

SMALL ROOM

Like we’re inside a tumor. Walls made of SCABS and SCARS.
Floor cobbled with WARTS and ULCERS. Eddie groans.

EDDIE (CONT’D)
I think I’m gonna be sick...

Behind him, the Hobo appears and grabs him.

HOBO
I already am.

Eddie SCREAMS.


INT. BASEMENT - CONTINUOUS

Ben turns, realizing --

BEN
Where’s Eddie? He was just here.

STANLEY
It’s separating us. We need to get
help...

They move toward the stairs. But Travis appears at the top.
He starts to descend. Blood-caked Knife in hand.

TRAVIS
Baaaa... Baaaa...


RICHIE
Guys -- it’s never good when the
person with the knife starts making
animal noises -- especially when
that person is Travis...

Ben turns. Searches for a way out. Finds a Rotted Piece of
Plywood blocking the bottom of a rusted COAL CHUTE.

BEN
Here! Climb up!

The Others race over. As Travis steps off the stairs, Mike
guards the chute with the Stunbolt as the other squeeze
themselves in and up --

BEN (CONT’D)
Mike! Let’s go!

Mike crawls in. But the Others aren’t yet out.

STANLEY
Shit... Mike...

MIKE
Just go. Find the others. I’ll hold
Travis off...

RICHIE
Mike --

MIKE
(re: Stunbolt)
I came prepared, remember?

Mike ducks back out of the Chute. And faces his nemesis.
Genres: ["Horror","Thriller","Drama"]

Summary In a dark basement, Richie, Stanley, Eddie, Ben, and Mike realize Bill is missing while he faces Pennywise alone in a sewer. As the boys search for him, Eddie falls into a disturbing room, and they encounter the menacing Travis with a bloody knife. The group becomes increasingly separated, leading to Mike's decision to confront Travis while the others escape through a coal chute, highlighting their struggle against fear and danger.
Strengths
  • Building tension
  • Creating fear
  • Character dynamics
  • Atmospheric setting
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue may feel cliched
  • Potential for excessive gore or shock value

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene effectively captures the essence of horror and suspense, keeping the audience on edge with its dark and foreboding atmosphere, intense character interactions, and escalating conflict.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of the scene revolves around the characters' confrontation with a malevolent entity in a dark and twisted basement, emphasizing their fears, vulnerabilities, and the escalating threat they must overcome. It effectively sets the stage for intense horror and suspense.

Plot: 9.2

The plot of the scene revolves around the characters' search for a missing friend in a sinister basement, leading to encounters with terrifying entities and escalating danger. It drives the narrative forward, heightening tension and setting the stage for further developments.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces unique and unsettling elements, such as the grotesque imagery of scabs, scars, warts, and ulcers. The dialogue and actions of the characters feel authentic and contribute to the overall sense of dread and danger.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters in the scene display vulnerability, fear, and determination in the face of overwhelming danger, showcasing their individual strengths and weaknesses. Their interactions and reactions contribute to the escalating tension and suspense.

Character Changes: 9

Several characters undergo significant changes in the scene, facing their fears, vulnerabilities, and inner demons as they confront terrifying entities and escalating danger. Their experiences shape their growth and development.

Internal Goal: 8

Bill's internal goal is to remain calm and brave in the face of fear, as he searches for a way out of the sewer and encounters Pennywise. This reflects his deeper need for courage and strength in the face of adversity.

External Goal: 9

The protagonist's external goal is to find a way out of the basement and escape the supernatural threat. This reflects the immediate challenge they are facing and the need for survival.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9.5

The scene is filled with high levels of conflict, both internal and external, as the characters face terrifying entities, escalating danger, and personal struggles. The tension and stakes are heightened, keeping the audience engaged and on edge.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the characters facing a supernatural threat in the form of Pennywise and a human threat in the form of Travis. The uncertainty of their survival adds to the tension and suspense.

High Stakes: 10

The scene features high stakes, as the characters confront terrifying entities, face overwhelming danger, and struggle to survive in a dark and twisted basement. The escalating threats and personal struggles raise the tension and stakes to a critical level.

Story Forward: 9

The scene effectively moves the story forward by introducing new challenges, escalating danger, and character developments. It sets the stage for further conflicts, revelations, and resolutions, driving the narrative towards its climax.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists and turns, such as Eddie's sudden disappearance and the appearance of Travis with a blood-caked knife. The audience is kept guessing about the characters' fates and the outcome of the confrontation.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the battle between fear and bravery, as the characters are confronted with their deepest fears and must find the courage to overcome them. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs and values, forcing them to confront their own vulnerabilities.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9.2

The scene has a strong emotional impact, evoking fear, suspense, and empathy for the characters as they confront terrifying entities and face overwhelming danger. The intense atmosphere and character dynamics resonate with the audience.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the characters' fear, desperation, and determination, adding depth to their interactions and revealing their emotional states. It enhances the atmosphere of terror and suspense.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its suspenseful atmosphere, intense action, and high stakes. The characters' struggles and the looming threat of Pennywise keep the audience on the edge of their seats.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a gradual buildup of tension, a climactic confrontation with Pennywise, and a frantic escape. The rhythm of the scene enhances its effectiveness and keeps the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and concise, with proper scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting. It follows the expected format for a screenplay in its genre.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for a horror genre, with a buildup of tension, a confrontation with the antagonist, and a climactic escape. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the effectiveness of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension by separating Bill from the group, which heightens the stakes and emphasizes the theme of fear and isolation. However, the transition between Bill's perspective in the sewer and the boys' search in the basement could be smoother. The abrupt switch might confuse readers about the spatial relationship between the two locations.
  • Pennywise's dialogue is chilling and effectively captures his menacing nature. However, the line 'Not yet seasoned. But I know a boymeat that is...' could be rephrased for clarity and impact. The term 'boymeat' feels awkward and may detract from the horror; consider using a more straightforward term that maintains the sinister tone.
  • Eddie's descent into the small room is a strong visual moment, but the description of the room as 'like we’re inside a tumor' could be more vivid. Instead of relying on a simile, consider using more sensory details to evoke the grotesque nature of the space, enhancing the horror element.
  • The dialogue among the boys is natural and captures their camaraderie, but it could benefit from more distinct character voices. Each character should have a unique way of speaking that reflects their personality, which would make their interactions more engaging.
  • The introduction of Travis as a threat is effective, but the dialogue 'Baaaa... Baaaa...' feels somewhat cartoonish and may undermine the tension. A more menacing or cryptic line could enhance the horror and make Travis's character more intimidating.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of silence or stillness before the boys realize Bill is missing to amplify the tension and create a sense of foreboding.
  • Revise Pennywise's dialogue to maintain a sinister tone while ensuring clarity. For example, consider rephrasing to something like, 'Not yet ripe, but I know a tender morsel when I see one.'
  • Enhance the description of the small room by incorporating more sensory details, such as the smell, texture, and sounds, to create a more immersive experience for the reader.
  • Differentiate the characters' dialogue further by giving each boy a distinct catchphrase or mannerism that reflects their personality, making their interactions more memorable.
  • Rework Travis's dialogue to be more menacing, perhaps by having him whisper something unsettling or taunting, which would heighten the tension and make him a more formidable antagonist.



Scene 52 -  Chains of Fear
EXT. MACROVERSE - CONTINUOUS

Beverly continues through the thick fog of suffocating
blackness. Sticks to her like cobwebs. She stops. Sees a
FLICKERING CAMPFIRE in the distance illuminating --

A DECREPIT 19TH-CENTURY CIRCUS WAGON.

The same we saw in a daguerreotype of the Old Ironworks in
the Libary. Its peeling billboard promises “PENNYWISE THE
DANCING CLOWN!” Tattered children’s clothes, toys, and bones
are scattered all around its small painted wooden wheels.

From the WELL nearby, she hears --


BILL (O.S.)
HELLO? ANYONE?

BEVERLY
BILL!

She races over to the Well. Looks inside and sees a GLOWING
ORANGE LIGHT. Its dim but the longer we look, the brighter it
gets... Beverly tries to back away but --

ClankSnap! ClankSnap! Chains WHIP OUT and WRAP around her.
Holds her there. She can’t look away. Her face goes slack.

PENNYWISE (O.S.)
Come float with us, Bevvie...


INT. SEWER - CONTINUOUS

Bill runs through the sewers. Desperate. Up ahead, he hears
Eddie SCREAMING. He races in the direction of his howls.

BILL
EDDIE!

Stops at a Derry Public Works MAINTENANCE DOOR. Keep out.
Bill looks through the small grated window to see --

The Hobo wrangling Eddie. His Hand of Disease smothering
Eddie’s mouth as Eddie hyperventilates. Or tries to.

BILL (CONT’D)
FIGHT IT, EDS! FIGHT IT!

Seeing Bill, Eddie’s eyes go wide. Like a surge of life just
rushed through him. He relaxes -- takes a moment -- then --

CHOMP! Eddie BITES into the gooey flesh of the Hobo. Stunned,
Hobo releases and Eddie scrambles to the Door. But he slips
on the muck and disgusting on his way over. Gets up.

Finds the Hobo blocking his way out.

HOBO
You look like you’re coming down
with something, Eds...

Eddie balls his hand into a fist. And then SMASHES it right
into the Hobo’s stomach. His fist travels through the blood
and guts until it comes out the other side and --

Grabs the knob. Eddie opens the door as he pushes the Hobo
aside and runs into the


SEWER

And collapses into Bill’s arms. He spits out bits of flesh.

EDDIE
I’m not scared anymore, Bill. I’m
really really grossed out but I’m
not scared...


INT. BASEMENT - CONTINUOUS

Travis SWIPES at Mike with the Knife. Mike dodges it, but
slips and falls back. Stunbolt rolls away.

TRAVIS
I told you to stay the fuck out my
town, didn’t I?

He picks Mike up. Throws him against the wall. Brick chunks
fall, crashing through termite-infested wood, revealing --

The Well.
Genres: ["Horror","Thriller","Drama"]

Summary In a foggy Macroverse, Beverly encounters a decrepit circus wagon linked to Pennywise and is ensnared by chains while hearing Bill's voice. Meanwhile, Bill races through the sewers to find Eddie, who is being attacked by a Hobo. Encouraged by Bill, Eddie fights back and escapes, though he is left covered in gore. In a separate confrontation, Travis threatens Mike with a knife, revealing a well that connects to the unfolding supernatural events. The scene is filled with tension and horror as characters confront their fears.
Strengths
  • Building tension
  • Character development
  • Atmospheric descriptions
  • Emotional impact
Weaknesses
  • Possible graphic violence
  • Intense fear-inducing scenes

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene effectively builds tension and fear through its atmospheric descriptions and character interactions. It keeps the audience engaged with a sense of impending danger and showcases the characters' growth and courage.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of confronting inner and outer demons in a nightmarish setting is compelling and drives the characters to face their fears head-on. It explores themes of bravery, resilience, and the power of unity in the face of darkness.

Plot: 9

The plot advances significantly as the characters confront terrifying entities and make crucial decisions that impact their journey. The scene sets up high stakes and propels the narrative towards a climactic confrontation with the antagonist.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces unique elements such as the decrepit circus wagon, glowing orange light, and the creepy atmosphere of the sewer. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and contribute to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9.2

The characters show growth and development as they confront their fears and demonstrate courage in the face of danger. Beverly and Bill, in particular, exhibit resilience and determination, showcasing their inner strength.

Character Changes: 9

The characters undergo significant changes as they confront their fears and demonstrate courage in the face of danger. Beverly and Bill, in particular, show growth and resilience, deepening their character arcs and motivations.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to overcome her fear and resist the temptation presented by Pennywise. This reflects her deeper need for courage and strength in the face of adversity.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to rescue her friend Bill from the danger he is facing in the sewer. This reflects the immediate challenge she is facing and her loyalty to her friends.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The scene is filled with conflict, both internal and external, as the characters face terrifying entities and grapple with their own fears and doubts. The tension is high, driving the narrative forward towards a climactic resolution.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the characters facing difficult challenges and obstacles that test their courage, loyalty, and strength. The audience is kept on edge and invested in the outcome.

High Stakes: 10

The stakes are incredibly high in the scene as the characters confront terrifying entities, face their deepest fears, and risk their lives to defeat the antagonist. The outcome of their actions will have significant consequences for the story and their survival.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward by placing the characters in a perilous situation, setting up a climactic confrontation with the antagonist, and advancing the narrative towards a resolution. It builds tension and anticipation for the next plot developments.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected actions and twists in the plot, such as Eddie biting the Hobo and the confrontation in the sewer. The audience is kept on edge and unsure of how the characters will overcome the challenges.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the struggle between fear and courage, as represented by Pennywise's temptation and Beverly's resistance. This challenges Beverly's beliefs about facing her fears and staying strong.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9.2

The scene evokes a strong emotional response from the audience, eliciting fear, tension, and admiration for the characters' bravery. It creates a sense of urgency and danger that keeps viewers on the edge of their seats.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue effectively conveys the characters' emotions, fears, and determination in the face of danger. It adds depth to the scene and enhances the tension and suspense as the characters navigate the terrifying environment.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense action, suspenseful atmosphere, and emotional stakes. The reader is drawn into the characters' struggles and invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension, escalating the action, and maintaining the reader's interest. The rhythm of the scene enhances the emotional impact and suspense.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with proper scene headings, action descriptions, and character dialogue. The visual elements are well-described and enhance the reader's understanding.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear action sequences, dialogue, and scene transitions. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the effectiveness of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension by juxtaposing Beverly's eerie encounter in the Macroverse with Bill's desperate search for Eddie in the sewer. This parallel structure heightens the stakes for both characters, emphasizing their individual struggles against fear and the looming threat of Pennywise.
  • Beverly's moment of vulnerability as she is ensnared by chains is visually striking and symbolizes her internal conflict. However, the dialogue from Pennywise could be more menacing or taunting to enhance the horror element. The phrase 'Come float with us, Bevvie...' feels somewhat familiar and could benefit from a more unique or chilling twist.
  • Bill's determination to save Eddie is commendable, but the transition from Beverly's scene to Bill's could be smoother. The abrupt shift might confuse readers, so consider adding a brief moment that connects their experiences, perhaps through a shared emotional thread or a visual motif.
  • Eddie's transformation from fear to defiance is a strong character moment, but the description of his actions could be more visceral. The imagery of him biting into the Hobo's flesh is impactful, yet it could be expanded to convey the horror and desperation of the moment more vividly.
  • The introduction of Travis as a physical threat to Mike adds another layer of conflict, but the dialogue feels somewhat generic. Travis's lines could be more distinctive to establish his character and make him a more memorable antagonist. Additionally, the reveal of the Well could be foreshadowed earlier in the scene to create a stronger sense of continuity.
Suggestions
  • Enhance Pennywise's dialogue to make it more unique and chilling, perhaps by incorporating personal fears or memories of Beverly to make the taunt more impactful.
  • Consider adding a visual or thematic motif that connects Beverly's and Bill's experiences, such as a recurring image or sound that links their struggles against Pennywise.
  • Expand on Eddie's actions during the confrontation with the Hobo to create a more visceral and intense moment, emphasizing the horror of the situation and his determination to escape.
  • Develop Travis's character further by giving him more distinctive dialogue that reflects his personality and motivations, making him a more compelling antagonist.
  • Foreshadow the presence of the Well earlier in the scene to create a stronger sense of continuity and build anticipation for its reveal.



Scene 53 -  Trapped in the Macroverse
INT. COAL CHUTE - CONTINUOUS

Stanley, Richie and Ben climb. Flinching as the hear the
BANGS of the brawl between Mike and Travis.

At the top of the chute, Stanley pushes open the Access Door.
Crawls out first, followed by Richie and Stanley.

They stand, finding themselves in the

MACROVERSE

RICHIE
What is this place?

Ben spots something in the distance. The flickering flames of
a campfire. Illuminating a Circus Wagon. And look, there’s --

BEN
-- Beverly!

Yes, Ben. It’s her. Kneeling by the Well. That Orange Glow
inside getting brighter... Brighter...

The Boys race over to Beverly. Try to shake her out of the
trance but it’s no use...


BEN (CONT’D)
Beverly -- Hey -- Bev -- it’s me,
Ben from Sosh... remember?

RICHIE
What is she staring at?

He’s about to look inside but Ben stops him.

BEN
No, don’t.

RICHIE
Why?

BEN
Cause she looked and... well, look.
We need to find something to get
her out of these chains...

Stanley looks over at the Circus Wagon.

STANLEY
Maybe there’s something in there.

He races over, entering into the

CIRCUS WAGON

Dusty old carnival show lights flicker on inside,
illuminating the creepy decaying interior. In the corner,
Stanley sees a WOOD AX. He moves toward it but --

VOICE (O.S.)
Come to float, Stanley?

Stanley stops. Terrified.

Emerging from the shadows is JUDITH. From the Painting in the
Rabbi’s Office. Naked. Skin stained red with the blood of
Holofernes. Like she bathed in it.

Stanley averts his eyes.

Paint drips off of her, streaking parts of her into abstract
deformity. Hinting at a gruesome layer underneath.

JUDITH
Look at me, Stanley. Like you do in
your Daddy’s office...

She wipes her arm across her face, clearing away some of the
dripping wet paint. Smile smearing into a clownish grin.


JUDITH (CONT’D)
I can smell your fear, your salted
meat...

She lunges on top of Stanley. He falls, knocking his head
hard on the floor. Blacks out. Judith about to feed as --

Richie rushes in. Doesn’t see Judith. Just Stanley passed out
on the floor. He goes over --

RICHIE
C’mon, Stanley...

Can’t help but look at his clownish surroundings. Circus
Posters. Creepy Clown Figurines. Clown Paintings.

RICHIE (CONT’D)
Not the best place for this,
Stan...

A tune begins:

All around the mulberry bush, the monkey chased the weasel,
the monkey thought it was all in good sport...

Richie looks over. Sees a JACK-IN-THE-BOX. A familiar clown
painted on the side. Its handle slowly turns and --

Pop!

Richie flinches. We all do. But nothing happens. In fact, the
handle begins to turn again. Song starts over.
Genres: ["Horror","Thriller","Drama"]

Summary Stanley, Richie, and Ben emerge from a coal chute into the eerie Macroverse, where they find Beverly entranced by a glowing well. Despite their attempts to wake her, she remains unresponsive. Stanley bravely enters a creepy circus wagon, where he encounters the terrifying figure Judith, who attacks him, leaving him unconscious. Richie follows, concerned for Stanley, but is soon surrounded by unsettling circus elements, including a jack-in-the-box that ominously begins to play a tune. The scene is filled with tension and dread, ending with Richie discovering Stanley on the floor, heightening the sense of danger.
Strengths
  • Effective tension-building
  • Eerie atmosphere
  • Compelling character interactions
  • Intriguing new elements introduced
Weaknesses
  • Potential confusion with the introduction of Judith
  • Some elements may be too unsettling for sensitive viewers

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.7

The scene effectively builds tension and fear through its eerie setting, mysterious characters, and suspenseful events. The introduction of the Circus Wagon and the character of Judith adds a unique and chilling element to the narrative, keeping the audience engaged and on edge.


Story Content

Concept: 8.6

The concept of the scene, focusing on the characters' confrontation of their fears in a surreal and nightmarish setting, is compelling and well-executed. The introduction of the Circus Wagon and the character of Judith adds depth to the story and enhances the overall sense of dread and suspense.

Plot: 8.7

The plot of the scene effectively advances the narrative by placing the characters in a high-stakes situation where they must confront their fears and unravel the mysteries of the Macroverse. The introduction of new elements like the Circus Wagon and Judith adds intrigue and tension to the story.

Originality: 9

The scene demonstrates a high level of originality with its surreal and nightmarish imagery, unique setting in the Macroverse, and cryptic dialogue that adds to the sense of mystery and tension. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue contributes to the overall sense of unease and foreboding.


Character Development

Characters: 8.4

The characters in the scene are well-developed and face significant challenges that test their courage and resilience. The interactions between the Boys and their encounters with Judith and the Circus Wagon reveal more about their fears and motivations, adding depth to their personalities.

Character Changes: 8

Several characters undergo significant changes in the scene, facing their fears, confronting darkness, and finding the courage to stand up against malevolent forces. The challenges they face test their resilience and determination, leading to personal growth and development.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to rescue Beverly from a trance-like state and find a way to free her from chains. This reflects their deeper desire to protect their friend and ensure her safety.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to find a way to free Beverly from the chains and potentially escape the Circus Wagon. This goal reflects the immediate challenge they are facing in the strange and dangerous environment of the Macroverse.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8.8

The scene is filled with conflict, both internal and external, as the characters grapple with their fears, confront sinister entities, and face life-threatening situations. The tension and suspense are heightened by the presence of Judith and the Circus Wagon, adding layers of danger and mystery.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the characters facing challenges and obstacles that are difficult to overcome, adding to the sense of danger and uncertainty in the story.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in the scene, as the characters face life-threatening dangers, confront malevolent entities, and must find the courage to overcome their fears. The presence of Judith and the Circus Wagon adds an element of mystery and danger, raising the stakes and intensifying the sense of peril.

Story Forward: 9

The scene effectively moves the story forward by placing the characters in a critical situation where they must confront their fears and unravel the mysteries of the Macroverse. The introduction of new elements like the Circus Wagon and Judith adds depth to the narrative and propels the plot towards a climactic resolution.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the surreal and nightmarish imagery, unexpected twists and turns, and cryptic dialogue that keeps the audience guessing and on edge.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the clash between reality and illusion, as the characters are confronted with surreal and nightmarish imagery that challenges their beliefs and perceptions. This conflict relates to the protagonist's worldview and sense of reality.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.7

The scene has a strong emotional impact, evoking fear, suspense, and desperation in the characters and the audience. The eerie setting, chilling encounters, and high-stakes situations create a sense of dread and unease, keeping the audience on edge and emotionally invested in the story.

Dialogue: 8.2

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the characters' emotions, fears, and sense of urgency as they navigate the eerie and unsettling environment of the Macroverse. The exchanges between the Boys and their reactions to the events unfolding around them enhance the tension and suspense.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its mysterious and surreal setting, cryptic dialogue, and sense of tension and suspense. The characters' actions and interactions draw the audience in and create a sense of unease and foreboding.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and suspense, creating a sense of unease and foreboding, and keeping the audience engaged and on edge.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings, descriptions, and dialogue that enhance the atmosphere and mood of the scene.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with a clear progression of events and a building sense of tension and suspense. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness in creating a sense of unease and mystery.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension and horror through the introduction of the Macroverse and the eerie atmosphere of the Circus Wagon. The visual imagery of the glowing well and the flickering campfire creates a vivid setting that enhances the supernatural elements of the story.
  • The dialogue between the characters is functional but could benefit from more emotional depth. For instance, when Ben tries to wake Beverly, the urgency of the situation could be emphasized with more desperate or panicked language, reflecting their fear and concern for her safety.
  • The introduction of Judith as a terrifying figure is compelling, but the transition from the boys' perspective to Stanley's encounter with her could be smoother. The abrupt shift in focus might confuse readers about the stakes and the immediate danger Stanley faces.
  • Richie's reaction to the clownish surroundings is humorous, which provides a brief relief from the tension. However, this humor could be better integrated into the scene to maintain the overall tone. Balancing humor with horror is tricky, and ensuring that it doesn't undermine the stakes is crucial.
  • The use of the Jack-in-the-Box is a classic horror trope, but it feels somewhat predictable. Consider subverting expectations by having it play a different tune or have an unexpected outcome when it pops open, enhancing the element of surprise.
Suggestions
  • Enhance the emotional stakes by adding more internal thoughts or feelings from the characters, particularly Ben and Richie, as they confront the situation with Beverly. This could deepen the reader's connection to their fear and urgency.
  • Consider adding sensory details to the environment, such as the smell of decay or the sound of dripping water, to immerse the reader further into the Macroverse and heighten the horror elements.
  • Make the transition to Stanley's encounter with Judith clearer by providing a brief moment of suspense or foreshadowing before he enters the Circus Wagon, allowing readers to anticipate the danger.
  • Integrate Richie's humor more seamlessly into the scene. Perhaps he could make a joke that reflects his fear or anxiety, maintaining the tension while still providing comic relief.
  • Explore the potential for the Jack-in-the-Box to have a more significant role in the scene. Perhaps it could malfunction or reveal something unexpected, adding an additional layer of horror and surprise.



Scene 54 -  Descent into Darkness
INT. BASEMENT - CONTINUOUS

Mike. On the floor. Trying to get to his feet. But the pain
and the fear, it’s starting to get the better of him.

Ooomf! Travis KICKS him again while he’s down.


EXT. MACROVERSE - CONTINUOUS

The Orange Glow reflecting off of Beverly’s Face is ever
brighter. Like it might start to burn her.

BEN
Please, Bev...


INT. SEWERS - CONTINUOUS

Bill leads Eddie as they run. This way. That way.


EDDIE
Do you know where you’re going?

An intersection. Bill stops. Unsure. Until he sees at the end
one tunnel, an ORANGE GLOW dimming the darkness.

BILL
This way.

He runs toward the glow. Getting brighter as they get closer.


INT. CIRCUS WAGON - CONTINUOUS

...the monkey thought it was all in good sport... POP! Goes
the weasel...

Nothing happens. Again. Richie tries to pull Stanley toward
the door. But the dead weight, so heavy.

RICHIE
I don’t want to have to leave you,
Stan. C’mon... Help...
Genres: ["Horror","Thriller"]

Summary In a tense scene, Mike struggles on the basement floor as Travis relentlessly kicks him, amplifying his pain and fear. Outside in the Macroverse, Beverly faces an ominous orange glow that worries Ben, who pleads for her safety. Meanwhile, Bill leads Eddie through a maze of dark sewers, hoping the glow will guide them. In a circus wagon, Richie desperately tries to drag the unconscious Stanley toward the exit, torn between loyalty and the urgency to escape. The scene captures the characters' physical and emotional struggles against looming threats.
Strengths
  • Building tension
  • Eerie atmosphere
  • Character development
Weaknesses
  • Potential for confusion with multiple character perspectives
  • Some transitions could be smoother

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.7

The scene effectively builds tension and fear through its eerie atmosphere, ominous encounters, and escalating conflicts. The intercutting between different characters' experiences adds depth and complexity to the narrative, keeping the audience engaged.


Story Content

Concept: 8.6

The concept of characters facing their fears in a supernatural and malevolent environment is compelling and drives the narrative forward. The introduction of the Macroverse and the haunting glow adds a unique and intriguing element to the scene.

Plot: 8.7

The plot is engaging and propels the characters into increasingly perilous situations. The discovery of the circus wagon and the encounters with Pennywise add layers of mystery and danger, setting the stage for a climactic confrontation.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces unique situations and challenges for the characters, such as the mysterious orange glow and the eerie circus wagon. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and contribute to the overall tension of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8.4

The characters' reactions to the escalating threats and their individual struggles add depth to the scene. Their interactions and decisions reveal their fears, strengths, and vulnerabilities, contributing to the overall tension and suspense.

Character Changes: 8

Several characters undergo significant changes during the scene, facing their fears, finding courage, and making difficult decisions in the face of danger. These transformations add depth to the characters and drive the plot forward.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to overcome his pain and fear and find the strength to keep going despite the challenges he faces. This reflects his deeper need for resilience and courage in the face of adversity.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to find a way out of the dangerous situations he's in and reach a place of safety. This reflects the immediate circumstances and challenges he's facing.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8.9

The level of conflict in the scene is high, with characters facing physical, emotional, and supernatural threats. The escalating tensions and confrontations with Pennywise and other malevolent forces raise the stakes and drive the narrative forward.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the characters facing difficult challenges and uncertain outcomes, creating suspense and driving the narrative forward.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in the scene, with characters' lives and souls on the line as they confront supernatural threats and face their deepest fears. The sense of danger and urgency heightens the tension and drives the characters to take risks and make sacrifices.

Story Forward: 9

The scene effectively moves the story forward by introducing new challenges, escalating conflicts, and setting the stage for a climactic confrontation with Pennywise. The characters' decisions and actions propel the narrative toward its resolution.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the characters' uncertain fates and the mysterious elements introduced, such as the orange glow and the circus wagon.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

There is a philosophical conflict evident in this scene between the characters' desires for safety and their willingness to risk everything to confront the unknown and face their fears. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs about courage and sacrifice.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.7

The scene evokes a strong emotional response from the audience, eliciting fear, anxiety, and suspense. The characters' struggles and the sense of impending danger create a palpable sense of dread and unease, drawing viewers into the story.

Dialogue: 8.2

The dialogue effectively conveys the characters' emotions, fears, and motivations. It enhances the atmosphere of dread and desperation, adding to the overall sense of unease and impending danger.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its fast-paced action, high stakes, and suspenseful atmosphere, keeping the audience on the edge of their seats.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining a sense of urgency and tension, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the characters' struggles.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings and concise descriptions of the characters' actions and dialogue.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, effectively building tension and suspense through the characters' actions and dialogue.


Critique
  • The scene effectively juxtaposes the different locations and characters, creating a sense of urgency and tension. However, the transitions between the basement, Macroverse, and sewers could be smoother. The abrupt shifts may confuse the audience, making it harder to follow the narrative flow.
  • The emotional stakes are high, particularly for Mike, who is physically and emotionally struggling. However, the scene could benefit from deeper internal monologues or visual cues that illustrate Mike's fear and pain more vividly, allowing the audience to connect with his plight on a more personal level.
  • Richie's dialogue feels somewhat generic in its urgency. While he expresses a desire to help Stanley, the line could be more impactful if it included a personal touch or a specific memory that highlights their friendship, enhancing the emotional weight of the moment.
  • The description of the orange glow in the Macroverse is intriguing but lacks specificity. Providing more sensory details about how the glow affects Beverly—beyond just its brightness—could heighten the tension and make the scene more immersive.
  • The pacing of the scene feels uneven. The moments of tension with Mike and Travis are compelling, but the transitions to Beverly and Bill feel rushed. Balancing the pacing by allowing more time for each character's struggle could enhance the overall impact.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief internal monologue for Mike that reflects his thoughts and fears as he struggles on the floor. This could help the audience empathize with his situation more deeply.
  • Enhance the transitions between the different locations by using visual or auditory cues that connect the scenes. For example, a sound from the Macroverse could echo into the basement, linking the two settings.
  • Revise Richie's dialogue to include a specific memory or inside joke that highlights his bond with Stanley, making his reluctance to leave him behind more poignant.
  • Expand on the description of the orange glow affecting Beverly. Describe how it feels to her—does it warm her, or does it feel threatening? This could create a more vivid image for the audience.
  • Adjust the pacing by allowing moments of silence or stillness between the action sequences. This can build tension and give the audience time to absorb the stakes before moving on to the next action.



Scene 55 -  Moments of Connection and Confrontation
EXT. MACROVERSE - CONTINUOUS

At the door of defeat, Ben hugs Bev. Doesn’t want her to go
through this alone. And in the first moment of passion in his
life, he kisses her. Something inside of Beverly -- the light
of life, maybe -- flickers.

BEVERLY
Your hair is... January embers...

BEN
My heart burns there too.

He squeezes her tighter until it’s broken by --

BILL (O.S.)
Beverly! Ben!

They look over as Bill and Richie runs toward them.


INT. CIRCUS WAGON - CONTINUOUS

...the Monkey chases the weasel... The Monkey thought it was
all in good fun.... It stops. For an eternity, feels like.

Richie lets go of Stanley. He might run. And then --

PENNYWISE leaps out.


PENNYWISE
POP GOES RICHIE!

Richie SCREAMS.

Pennywise -- as if mounted to a spring -- leans over Richie,
ready to feed off the fear. Richie too scared to move.

But as Pennywise gets nose to nose with Richie, his face
morphs from flesh to the PLASTIC SKIN OF A TOY CLOWN.

Hands grab Richie. He turns, freaking out. But --

BILL
-- it’s us, Rich. It’s us.

And as Stanley starts coming back to consciousness...
Genres: ["Horror","Thriller","Drama"]

Summary In this scene, Ben and Beverly share a vulnerable and passionate kiss, deepening their emotional bond. Beverly's poetic compliment about Ben's hair and his heartfelt declaration of feelings highlight their connection. However, their intimate moment is interrupted by Bill and Richie calling out to them. Meanwhile, Richie faces his fear of Pennywise, who transforms into a toy clown, intensifying the tension. Just as Richie is paralyzed by fear, Bill and Stanley arrive to support him, reinforcing the theme of unity against their fears.
Strengths
  • Effective tension and fear
  • Strong character development
  • Compelling thematic elements
  • High emotional impact
  • Engaging plot progression
Weaknesses
  • Potential for confusion with multiple character arcs and locations
  • Some elements may be too intense for sensitive viewers

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene effectively combines tension, fear, and emotional depth, drawing the audience into the characters' struggles and the high stakes they face. The dialogue, character interactions, and thematic elements are well-executed, creating a compelling and intense atmosphere.


Story Content

Concept: 9.5

The concept of the characters facing their fears in a surreal and ominous setting like the Macroverse is innovative and engaging. The scene effectively explores themes of friendship, courage, and the power of unity in the face of darkness.

Plot: 9

The plot of the scene is intense and gripping, with high stakes, character development, and significant progression towards the ultimate confrontation with Pennywise. The tension and suspense are effectively maintained throughout.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces fresh elements of supernatural horror and emotional depth, with authentic character interactions and unexpected twists that keep the audience engaged.


Character Development

Characters: 9.2

The characters are well-developed, each facing their fears and showing growth and determination in the face of danger. Their interactions and relationships add depth to the scene and drive the emotional impact.

Character Changes: 9

Several characters undergo significant changes in the scene, facing their fears, showing courage, and coming together to confront Pennywise. These character arcs add depth and complexity to the narrative, driving the emotional impact and plot progression.

Internal Goal: 8

Ben's internal goal in this scene is to express his feelings for Beverly and show his support for her in a moment of vulnerability. This reflects his deeper desire for connection and love.

External Goal: 7.5

The protagonist's external goal is to protect his friends from the threat of Pennywise and ensure their safety in the face of danger.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9.5

The level of conflict in the scene is high, with the characters facing their fears, physical danger, and the looming threat of Pennywise. The internal and external conflicts drive the tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the characters facing a powerful supernatural threat that tests their courage and resolve.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes in the scene are high, with the characters facing physical danger, psychological terror, and the threat of Pennywise. The outcome of their confrontation will determine their fate and the safety of Derry, adding urgency and tension to the narrative.

Story Forward: 9

The scene effectively moves the story forward, setting up the final confrontation with Pennywise and advancing the characters' arcs and relationships. The high stakes, tension, and character development drive the narrative towards its climax.

Unpredictability: 8.5

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists, supernatural elements, and emotional conflicts that keep the audience guessing about the characters' fates.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the battle between fear and courage, as the characters must confront their deepest fears in order to overcome the supernatural threat.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9.2

The scene has a significant emotional impact, evoking fear, tension, hope, and determination in the characters and the audience. The characters' struggles and unity create a powerful emotional resonance that drives the narrative forward.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the characters' emotions, fears, and motivations, adding depth to their interactions and driving the plot forward. The dialogue enhances the tension and atmosphere of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its blend of emotional depth, supernatural horror, and suspenseful storytelling that keeps the audience on the edge of their seats.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension, alternating between emotional moments and action sequences, and maintaining a sense of urgency.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting that enhances readability.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup, rising tension, and a dramatic climax that advances the plot.


Critique
  • The emotional stakes in this scene are high, with Ben and Beverly sharing a moment of vulnerability that is well-written. However, the transition from their intimate moment to the interruption by Bill and Richie feels abrupt. This could be smoothed out to maintain the emotional flow.
  • The dialogue between Ben and Beverly is poetic, but it risks feeling overly sentimental. While it fits the tone of the moment, consider grounding their expressions in more relatable language to enhance authenticity.
  • The parallel scene with Richie and Pennywise is effective in building tension, but the juxtaposition could be clearer. The transition between the two scenes could benefit from a stronger visual or thematic connection to heighten the suspense.
  • Richie's fear is palpable, but the transformation of Pennywise into a toy clown could be more impactful if it were foreshadowed earlier in the script. This would enhance the horror element and make the moment feel more earned.
  • The pacing of the scene is uneven. The moment of passion between Ben and Beverly is significant, but it is quickly overshadowed by the horror elements. Consider allowing more time for the emotional beat before cutting to the horror, which would give the audience a chance to fully absorb the moment.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of silence or a shared look between Ben and Beverly before the interruption to emphasize the weight of their connection.
  • Revise the dialogue to make it feel more natural and less like a poetic exchange. This could involve using simpler language or incorporating more playful banter to reflect their personalities.
  • Enhance the transition between the two scenes by using a visual cue, such as a sound effect or a shared theme, to create a stronger link between Ben and Beverly's moment and Richie's encounter with Pennywise.
  • Introduce hints of Pennywise's toy clown form earlier in the script to build anticipation and make the reveal more shocking.
  • Allow for a longer pause after Ben and Beverly's kiss before cutting to the horror scene, giving the audience a moment to process the emotional weight of the moment.



Scene 56 -  Chase into Darkness
EXT. MACROVERSE - CIRCUS WAGON - CONTINUOUS

...Bill, Eddie and Richie help him out of the wagon. Nearby,
Ben tries to free Beverly from her chains.

BEN
Help! I can’t -- C’mon! Hurry!

Richie, Eddie and Stanley rush over to help. But Bill catches
sight of something running away from them in the distance.

A Small Figure in a Yellow Rain Slicker.

BILL
Georgie!

He takes off.

RICHIE
No! Bill! Wait!

But Bill doesn’t have time to wait. He races deeper into the
darkness, chasing after his little brother.


INT. BASEMENT - CONTINUOUS

Mike is on his knees. Wobbly. Travis approaches with the
Stunbolt in one hand as he drags the Compressed Air Cannister
along the floor behind him. Travis presses the pistol right
against Mike’s glabella. You know what that is.

TRAVIS
I’m going to kill you and then I’m
going to kill all your friends...


Mike looks at Travis. Like he’s given up. But then --

MIKE
No. You won’t.

Mike grabs Travis. Holds him tight as he pulls him back and
they both disappear down into the Well and we fall with them.

INTO THE WELL

Mike tumbles, like a lost sock. Catches sight of Travis
falling further below, the Stunbolt beyond him.

And then he sees it.

The Perfect Bright Orange Circle below. The Losers -- his
friends -- surrounding it...
Genres: ["Horror","Thriller","Drama"]

Summary In a tense scene, Bill impulsively chases a figure he believes to be his brother Georgie into the darkness, despite Richie's protests. Meanwhile, Ben struggles to free Beverly from her chains, highlighting her vulnerability. In a basement, Mike confronts the threatening Travis, leading to a physical struggle that results in both of them falling into a well, where Mike glimpses his friends surrounding a bright orange circle, symbolizing hope amidst chaos.
Strengths
  • Tension-building
  • Character development
  • Atmospheric setting
  • High stakes
  • Emotional impact
Weaknesses
  • Potential for confusion with multiple character arcs
  • Some dialogue may be overwritten

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene effectively builds tension and suspense, introduces high stakes, and showcases character development and emotional impact. The mix of horror and drama creates a compelling narrative that keeps the audience engaged.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of characters confronting their fears in a nightmarish setting is compelling and drives the narrative forward. The scene effectively explores themes of courage, survival, and the power of friendship.

Plot: 9.2

The plot is engaging and suspenseful, with the characters facing escalating danger and challenges. The scene moves the story forward by revealing key information and setting up further conflicts and resolutions.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces unique elements such as the circus wagon setting and the Stunbolt weapon, adding freshness to the familiar theme of friendship and loyalty. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and true to their motivations.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters show depth and growth as they confront their fears and support each other in the face of danger. Their interactions and decisions drive the scene forward and reveal their individual strengths and vulnerabilities.

Character Changes: 9

Several characters undergo significant changes in the scene, facing their fears, showing courage, and supporting each other. These experiences shape their growth and relationships, leading to personal development.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to protect his friends and overcome his fears of losing them. This reflects his deeper need for connection and belonging.

External Goal: 7.5

The protagonist's external goal is to save his little brother and defeat the antagonist. This reflects the immediate circumstances and challenges he's facing.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is intense and high-stakes, with characters facing physical and emotional challenges. The presence of a sinister force and the characters' internal struggles create a sense of urgency and danger.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing a life-threatening situation and a formidable antagonist.

High Stakes: 10

The stakes are high in the scene, with characters facing mortal danger, emotional turmoil, and the threat of a sinister presence. The outcome of their actions will have significant consequences for their lives and the overall story.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by revealing key plot points, escalating conflicts, and setting up the climax. It advances the characters' journey and builds anticipation for the resolution of the narrative.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists and turns in the characters' actions and the outcome of the conflict.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the struggle between good and evil, as represented by the protagonist's desire to protect his friends and defeat the antagonist.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9.2

The scene evokes fear, tension, and empathy for the characters as they confront their fears and support each other. The emotional impact is heightened by the characters' vulnerabilities and the sense of impending danger.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue effectively conveys the characters' emotions, fears, and motivations. It adds tension and depth to the scene, highlighting the relationships and conflicts between the characters.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its fast-paced action, emotional stakes, and suspenseful moments.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining a sense of tension and momentum throughout.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with proper scene headings and action descriptions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension by juxtaposing Bill's impulsive chase after the figure in the yellow rain slicker with Mike's dire situation with Travis. This parallel structure heightens the stakes for both characters, but it could benefit from clearer emotional stakes for Bill. Why is he so compelled to chase after this figure? Adding a line of internal dialogue or a brief flashback could deepen the audience's understanding of his motivations.
  • The dialogue is functional but lacks emotional depth. For instance, Mike's line, 'No. You won’t,' feels somewhat flat given the gravity of the situation. This moment could be more impactful if Mike expressed a stronger emotional response, perhaps reflecting on his fears or the bond he shares with his friends.
  • The transition between the two locations (the Macroverse and the basement) is somewhat abrupt. While the visual of falling into the well is effective, it might be beneficial to include a brief moment of reflection or realization for Mike as he tumbles, emphasizing the gravity of the situation and his connection to the Losers.
  • The visual imagery of the 'Perfect Bright Orange Circle' is intriguing, but it could be described with more sensory detail to enhance the atmosphere. What does the light feel like? Is it warm, inviting, or ominous? Adding sensory elements can help immerse the audience further into the scene.
  • The urgency in the scene is palpable, but the pacing could be improved. Bill's chase feels rushed, and while urgency is essential, it might be more effective to slow down just a beat to allow the audience to absorb the emotional weight of Bill's decision to chase after Georgie. This could also create a stronger contrast with Mike's struggle.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief internal monologue for Bill as he sees the figure in the slicker, reflecting on his feelings of loss and hope. This could deepen the emotional stakes of his chase.
  • Enhance Mike's dialogue to convey more emotion. Perhaps he could express a memory of his friends or a moment of fear that motivates his defiance against Travis.
  • Include a moment of realization for Mike as he falls into the well, allowing him to reflect on the importance of his friends and the danger they all face together.
  • Add sensory details to the description of the 'Perfect Bright Orange Circle' to create a more vivid and immersive experience for the audience.
  • Consider slowing down the pacing of Bill's chase slightly to allow for a moment of reflection, enhancing the emotional impact of his decision to pursue the figure.



Scene 57 -  Descent into Darkness
EXT. MACROVERSE - CONTINUOUS

SPARKS! As Richie snaps the chains around Beverly with the
Ax. Now free, she stands up and gives Ben a hug --

BEVERLY
Thank you...

CLANK!

They look over as the Stunbolt rolls off the edge of the well
and stops at Eddie’s feet.

RICHIE
That’s Mike’s...

SCREAMING.

As Travis falls from above into the Bright Orange Lights.
Falling fast behind him is Mike. He hits the edge of --

THE WELL

Ouch. Grabs it. But slipping fast.

Beverly dives over and grabs onto him to help. The Others all
join in and start to pull Mike to safety as --

Skitter... skitter... skitter...

Up the side of the wall, a Melted Mess of Hands appear. Grab
onto Mike’s ankle. Pulling him down into the Dead Lights.

Afraid, Mike tries to kick ‘em off. But he’s losing the
battle. Gathers his strength. And courage.


MIKE
Let! Me! Go!

Punctuates each word with a kick. And with the final one, the
hardest one, the hands fall away. Mike is free.

And is pulled to safety. But the safety is fleeting as the
ground under their feet TREMORS. Like it’s the start of
something big...

BEVERLY
We have to find Bill.
Genres: ["Horror","Thriller","Drama"]

Summary In a tense moment within the Macroverse, Richie frees Beverly from chains, and they share a grateful hug. As the group regroups, Mike is suddenly pulled towards the Dead Lights by a terrifying Melted Mess of Hands. With teamwork and determination, they manage to pull him back to safety after a fierce struggle. However, the ground trembles ominously, prompting Beverly to insist they find Bill, highlighting the urgency of their situation.
Strengths
  • Tension-building
  • Character development
  • Emotional depth
  • Unity of characters
Weaknesses
  • Potential for confusion in the surreal setting
  • Complexity of the conflict

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.7

The scene effectively builds tension and emotion, advancing the plot while showcasing the characters' bravery and unity. The mix of horror and courage creates a compelling narrative that keeps the audience engaged.


Story Content

Concept: 8.6

The concept of the characters facing their fears in a surreal setting while working together to save a friend is engaging and adds depth to the story. The scene effectively explores themes of courage, friendship, and overcoming obstacles.

Plot: 8.7

The plot of the scene is crucial as it moves the characters closer to their goal of defeating It. The tension and stakes are high, driving the narrative forward and setting up the next stage of the story.

Originality: 8

The scene is fairly original in its depiction of a fantastical world and the characters' actions in response to danger. The dialogue feels authentic and the actions are fresh and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters' actions and interactions in the scene reveal their bravery, loyalty, and determination. Each character's role in the rescue of Mike and their individual struggles with fear and courage are well-portrayed.

Character Changes: 8

The characters undergo significant changes in the scene, facing their fears, showing bravery, and working together to save a friend. Their growth and development contribute to the overall arc of the story.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to overcome fear and show courage in the face of danger. This reflects their deeper need for bravery and their desire to protect their friends.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to find Bill, reflecting the immediate challenge of reuniting the group and facing whatever threat lies ahead.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8.8

The conflict in the scene is intense and multi-layered, involving physical danger, emotional struggles, and the looming presence of Pennywise. The characters' fight against their fears and the external threat adds depth to the conflict.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the characters facing multiple obstacles and challenges that keep the audience on edge.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in the scene as the characters face physical danger, emotional turmoil, and the threat of Pennywise. The risk of losing Mike and the escalating conflict raise the tension and urgency of the situation.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by advancing the characters' mission to defeat It, deepening their relationships, and raising the stakes of the narrative. The resolution of the conflict with Pennywise sets up the next stage of the plot.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists and turns in the characters' actions and the outcome of the conflict.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

There is a philosophical conflict between fear and courage evident in this scene. The protagonist must confront their fears and find the courage to save their friend, challenging their beliefs about themselves and their abilities.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.6

The scene has a strong emotional impact, evoking fear, courage, and hope in the characters and the audience. The moments of tension, danger, and unity resonate emotionally and heighten the stakes of the story.

Dialogue: 8.2

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the characters' emotions, fears, and determination. The lines are impactful and contribute to the overall tension and suspense of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its fast-paced action, high stakes, and emotional moments that keep the audience invested in the characters' fates.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by keeping the action moving at a fast pace and building tension as the characters face increasing danger.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear action lines and dialogue that are easy to follow.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution that keeps the audience engaged.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension with the introduction of the Melted Mess of Hands, creating a visceral sense of danger. However, the transition from the emotional moment of Beverly's rescue to the urgency of Mike's peril feels abrupt. This shift could benefit from a smoother narrative flow to maintain the emotional stakes.
  • Richie's action of freeing Beverly with an axe is visually striking, but it may come off as slightly unrealistic in terms of timing and execution. The scene could explore more of the emotional weight behind this action, perhaps by showing Richie's hesitation or fear before he acts, which would deepen his character development.
  • The dialogue is minimal, which works well in heightening the tension, but adding a few lines of internal thoughts or quick exchanges among the characters could enhance the emotional stakes. For instance, a brief moment where Beverly expresses her fear for Mike could amplify the urgency of the situation.
  • The description of the 'Bright Orange Lights' and the 'Dead Lights' is intriguing, but it could be more vividly depicted to enhance the visual imagery. Providing more sensory details about what these lights represent or how they affect the characters could deepen the reader's immersion in the scene.
  • The ending line, 'We have to find Bill,' serves as a good call to action, but it could be more impactful if it reflected the group's collective fear or urgency. Perhaps Beverly could express a specific fear about what might happen if they don't find Bill quickly, which would heighten the stakes.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment of hesitation for Richie before he uses the axe to free Beverly, showcasing his internal conflict and making the action feel more significant.
  • Incorporate brief dialogue or internal monologues that reflect the characters' fears and motivations during the rescue, enhancing the emotional depth of the scene.
  • Expand on the visual descriptions of the Bright Orange Lights and Dead Lights to create a more vivid and immersive atmosphere, allowing readers to feel the urgency and danger more acutely.
  • Smooth the transition between Beverly's emotional moment and the urgency of Mike's situation by adding a line or two that connects the two, perhaps showing Beverly's immediate concern for Mike after her rescue.
  • Strengthen the final line by having Beverly articulate a specific fear about Bill's safety, which would not only heighten the tension but also reinforce the group's bond and shared mission.



Scene 58 -  Confronting Fear
EXT. MACROVERSE - THE DARKNESS - CONTINUOUS

Bill stops. Looks that way. No Georgie. This way. Uh-uh.

BILL
GEORGIE!

He squints. Sees something approach. Coming at him fast. Is
it...? Is that Geo--

PENNYWISE.

Like freight train at full speed, charges into Bill and picks
him up by his collar. Shoves him against a wall that only
just now appeared behind him.

Pennywise. Bill. Face. To Freakish, Fanged Face.

PENNYWISE
A feast for Pennywise. Ripe fear,
raw fright, a belly full of blood-
dripping dread. Can you smell tasty
Georgie on my b-b-breath, B-B-Bill?
I bit down on his windpipe as his
last word was uttered... ‘Billy’,
he whimpered, ‘Billy’ he wanted,
Pennywise he feared and Pennywise I
fed. I still pick his little boy
meat from my teeth...

Flecks of flesh hit Bill in the face as he says this.

PENNYWISE (CONT’D)
Now I grow hungry again.

BILL
Y-You’re going to stay hungry.
We’re not scared of you anymore.
None us of are. We’re going to make
your worst fear come tr-true...


In the blackness, they hear the Losers’ calling out for Bill.
The Tremors find their way to Bill and Pennywise. Confused,
Pennywise looks down at the ground. What’s happening? He
looks back up at Bill.

BILL (CONT’D)
You’re going to starve.

ON PENNYWISE. That word. Starve. It lights a spark in his
eyes we haven’t seen before as it resonates in the ancestral
cave of his mind like a chain reaction in a firework factory.
Belief has turned against him. And probably for the first
time in millenniums, it grips his heart. Whatever that is.

Pennywise drops Bill.

And retreats into the darkness.

CUT TO:

THE OTHER LOSERS. In the darkness. Holding their torches
high, searching for their leader.

STANLEY
Bill! BILL!

Up ahead,

BILL (O.S.)
OVER HERE!

They run, shouting. Tremors turn to QUAKES. It’s like the
whole universe is about to collapse around them.

BEVERLY
BILL!

There. Up ahead. On his knees. She helps him to his feet.

BEVERLY (CONT’D)
Are you okay?

Bill nods. Even though he isn’t.

BILL
H-He took off. We need to find and
kill It. It won’t stop until we do.

Bill grabs the Stunbolt from Mike and heads off into the

QUAKING DARKNESS

The Losers hunt Pennywise. With every encounter, It takes on
one of their Fears. Headless Child. Judith. Hand Creature.


And each Loser steps up and confront It.

Throwing their torches at It -- letting go of their Fears --
causing It to retreat into the blackness. Until only Bill’s
Torch remains. In its flickering light, they catch the
faintest glimpses of Pennywise.

Circling around them.

PENNYWISE (O.S.)
A truce to be true. A deal to be
struck. Ignore this, forget me, and
I will let you all grow and thrive,
living happy lives until you die
happy deaths at age hundred and
one...

BILL
NO! No more...

Psssh! Bill’s TORCH extinguishes. Leaving the Losers huddled
in the darkness.

RICHIE
Maybe we should have at least
discussed the deal first...

THIN SHAFTS OF LIGHT appear. Like the sun shining through a
sewer grate, almost heavenly as they illuminate --

Georgie. In his rain slicker. Holding his Paper Boat.

GEORGIE
Let him go, Bill. He said I could
come back if you let him go...
Please, Bill...

Bill hesitates.

GEORGIE (CONT’D)
It’s really me, Bill. It’s Georgie.
He kept me here... You can take me
home... You can save me...

Bill unsure. So badly wants to believe.

BEVERLY (O.S.)
Bill.

He turns. Sees Beverly. With the rest of the Losers. He faces
back to Georgie. Holding his arms out to Bill: Hug me...


BILL
I want you back more than anything
else...

Bill takes a step forward to Georgie. And he raises his arms.
But not too hug him because he has in his hands --

The Stunbolt.

BILL (CONT’D)
But you’re not Georgie...

Georgie turns to --

Pennywise. Razor teeth. Ready to lunge.

BLAM!

Stunbolt goes off.

Hits Pennywise right between the eyes.

His face RIPPLES, like a rock hitting the surface of a lake.
A CONCENTRICAL NIGHTMARE with petals of HORROR that BLOSSOM
then WITHER away. The history of Derry’s Fears flash and form
before their eyes, a thousand nightmares conjured by the
imaginations of Derry’s lost and eaten children. IT is wreath
of Screaming Hands. IT is the Rotting Flesh of Disease. IT is
the Fangs of a Predator. IT is a Crown of Bloody Thorns. IT
is the Floral Ring at Georgie’s Memorial soaked in blood. IT
is a Mouth That Screams Inside a Mouth That Screams Inside a
Mouth That Screams Inside.... IT is... IT is... IT is...

Until IT transforms back into a slithering, shapeless mass
and slinks its way back to the Well.

The Losers chase.

And as It disappears down to the bottom, we catch one last
glimpse of Pennywise’s Face. And he looks afraid. As the
Darkness brightens...

It isn’t.

And the Losers find themselves in the

BASEMENT

The seven of them.

Together.

In the corner of the basement, Bill spots a dirty, wet patch
of YELLOW. He walks over and pulls at it, revealing --


Georgie’s Rain Slicker.

Bill falls to his knees and starts to cry. Months of pent up
anger and grief, he lets it all out. The Other Losers walk
over and surround him, a circle of love and friendship.
Genres: ["Horror","Thriller","Drama"]

Summary In a dark confrontation, Bill faces Pennywise, who taunts him with details of his brother Georgie's fate. Despite the monster's attempts to manipulate him with an illusion of Georgie, Bill stands firm, declaring that they are no longer afraid. As the Losers arrive, they confront Pennywise together, showcasing their unity. Bill ultimately rejects the illusion and attacks Pennywise, causing it to retreat. The scene shifts to a basement where Bill discovers Georgie's rain slicker, leading to an emotional breakdown supported by his friends.
Strengths
  • Intense confrontation with Pennywise
  • Emotional reunion with Georgie's memory
  • Unity and bravery among the Losers
  • Defeat of Pennywise through facing fears
Weaknesses
  • Potential for overwhelming darkness and horror

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

This scene is a pivotal moment in the story where the characters face their greatest fears and confront Pennywise head-on. The emotional depth, high stakes, character development, and plot progression make it a standout scene.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of facing fears, finding courage, and defeating a powerful evil entity is executed with depth and complexity, adding layers to the characters and the overall narrative.

Plot: 9.2

The plot is driven forward significantly in this scene as the characters confront Pennywise, face their fears, and come together to defeat the antagonist, leading to a major turning point in the story.

Originality: 9

The scene is highly original, with fresh and terrifying situations, authentic character actions and dialogue, and a unique portrayal of fear and courage.


Character Development

Characters: 9.3

The characters show significant growth, unity, and bravery in this scene, deepening their relationships and individual arcs. The emotional impact of their actions resonates strongly with the audience.

Character Changes: 9

The characters undergo significant changes in this scene, showing growth, courage, and unity as they confront their fears and stand together against Pennywise. Their development is crucial to the story.

Internal Goal: 9

The protagonist's internal goal is to overcome his fear and stand up to Pennywise, reflecting his need for courage and strength in the face of danger.

External Goal: 8

The protagonist's external goal is to defeat Pennywise and protect his friends, reflecting the immediate challenge they are facing in the scene.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict reaches a peak in this scene as the characters confront Pennywise, their deepest fears, and the threat of losing each other. The tension and stakes are incredibly high.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Pennywise posing a significant threat to the protagonist and his friends, creating uncertainty and tension.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are incredibly high in this scene as the characters face the ultimate evil, risking their lives and confronting their deepest fears to defeat Pennywise and save themselves and Derry.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward by resolving conflicts, deepening character arcs, and leading to the defeat of Pennywise, marking a major turning point in the narrative.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists and turns in the characters' actions and the outcome of the confrontation with Pennywise.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict is between fear and courage, as Pennywise represents fear and the protagonist must find the courage to confront him.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9.5

The scene has a profound emotional impact on the audience, evoking fear, hope, sadness, and resolve as the characters face their fears, reunite with Georgie's memory, and defeat Pennywise.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue effectively conveys the characters' emotions, fears, and determination, adding depth to their interactions and highlighting their resolve in the face of danger.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense action, emotional depth, and suspenseful atmosphere.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and suspense, leading to a climactic confrontation with Pennywise.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The structure follows the expected format for its genre, with a clear progression of events and character interactions.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension and emotional stakes by juxtaposing Bill's confrontation with Pennywise against the Losers' search for him. This parallel structure enhances the urgency of the moment, making the reader feel the weight of both Bill's internal struggle and the group's determination to find him.
  • Pennywise's taunts are chilling and vividly described, effectively capturing the horror element of the story. The dialogue is impactful, particularly Pennywise's gruesome recounting of Georgie's fate, which serves to heighten Bill's emotional turmoil and the stakes of their confrontation.
  • Bill's declaration that they are no longer afraid is a powerful moment, showcasing character growth and unity among the Losers. This moment of defiance against Pennywise is well-placed and serves as a turning point in the scene, emphasizing the theme of overcoming fear.
  • The visual imagery of Pennywise's transformation and the subsequent ripple effect is striking and effectively conveys the horror of the entity. However, the description could be streamlined for clarity, as the complexity of the imagery may overwhelm the reader.
  • The emotional climax with Bill discovering Georgie's rain slicker is poignant and serves as a cathartic release for both Bill and the audience. However, the transition from the action-packed confrontation to this emotional moment could be smoother to maintain the scene's pacing.
Suggestions
  • Consider simplifying some of the visual descriptions to enhance clarity and impact. For example, instead of detailing every aspect of Pennywise's transformation, focus on the most striking images that convey the horror effectively.
  • To improve pacing, ensure that the transition from the confrontation with Pennywise to Bill's emotional breakdown is seamless. You might add a brief moment of silence or stillness after the action to allow the emotional weight to settle before revealing the rain slicker.
  • Explore Bill's internal thoughts more deeply during the confrontation with Pennywise. This could add layers to his character and provide insight into his emotional state, making his eventual decision to fight back even more powerful.
  • Consider adding a moment of hesitation or doubt from Bill before he confronts Pennywise. This could heighten the tension and make his eventual defiance more impactful, showcasing the struggle between fear and courage.
  • Ensure that the Losers' reactions to Bill's confrontation with Pennywise are more pronounced. Their support and concern can amplify the emotional stakes and reinforce the theme of friendship and unity against fear.



Scene 59 -  Blood Oath of Unity
EXT. THE BARRENS - DAY

Bodies of children disgorge from the sewer pipe the Losers’
found Dorsey’s shoe in, into a swollen stream. It’s hard at
first to distinguish who is who, everyone is covered in mud.

Among them, a body blinks and sits up. It’s Travis.


TITLE CARD:



SEPTEMBER
EXT. RIVERBANK - DUSK

A GLASS SHARD glistens in the sun. A hand picks it up.
Beverly’s. She walks back to the group.

BEVERLY
Swear it, guys. Swear if IT isn’t
dead we’ll all come back..

She hands the SHARD to Bill, who SLASHES her PALM with it.
One by one the others approach, Bill slashing everyone’s
palms, does his own last before --

They all clasp hands and lock eyes.

A BLOOD OATH IS SWORN.


INT. BILL’S BEDROOM - DAY

Bill finishes up packing. Zach pops his head in.

ZACH
Almost ready, champ?

Bill nods.

ZACH (CONT’D)
You were right.


Zach throws down a paper on Bill’s bed. Travis and his dad
under the caption “SON ADMITS MURDERS, SAYS MY DADDY MADE ME
DO IT.”

ZACH (CONT’D)
I’m proud of you son.

He goes. Bill looks at the ceiling, water stain now gone.
Still uneasy.
Genres: ["Horror","Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In a haunting scene, children emerge from a sewer pipe into a swollen stream, with Travis surprisingly alive among them. Beverly finds a glass shard and leads the group in swearing a blood oath to return if IT is not dead, with Bill cutting their palms to solidify their commitment. The scene shifts to Bill's bedroom, where he reflects on his emotions after Zach expresses pride in him and shows a newspaper article about Travis's troubled past. The tone shifts from grief to determination, but Bill remains uneasy as he prepares to leave.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Tension building
  • Character development
Weaknesses
  • Potential predictability
  • Lack of external conflict

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.7

The scene effectively combines elements of horror, drama, and thriller genres to create a tense and emotional atmosphere. The blood oath adds a unique and impactful ritualistic element to the story, while the emotional moments and impending danger keep the audience engaged.


Story Content

Concept: 8.6

The concept of the blood oath and the characters coming together to face a common enemy is compelling and drives the narrative forward. The scene effectively conveys the themes of unity, sacrifice, and bravery.

Plot: 8.7

The plot of the scene is engaging, with the characters making a significant decision to confront the antagonist together. The scene sets up the final confrontation and resolves some character arcs, moving the story towards its climax.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces unique elements such as the blood oath and the newspaper headline, adding depth to the characters and the story. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue enhances the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters show depth and growth, particularly in their willingness to make a blood oath and face their fears together. Each character's unique traits and motivations are highlighted, adding to the emotional impact of the scene.

Character Changes: 8

Several characters undergo significant changes in the scene, particularly in their willingness to face their fears and make sacrifices for the greater good. The characters show growth, resilience, and unity in the face of adversity.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to confront his unease and fear, as shown by his reaction to the newspaper headline and the water stain. This reflects his deeper need for closure and resolution.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to prepare for an unknown challenge or threat, as indicated by his packing and the ominous newspaper headline. This reflects the immediate circumstances and challenges he's facing.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8.8

The conflict in the scene is high, with the characters facing physical and emotional challenges as they prepare to confront the antagonist. The tension and stakes are heightened by the impending danger and the characters' personal struggles.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the characters facing internal and external challenges that are difficult to overcome. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how the characters will navigate these obstacles.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes in the scene are high, as the characters prepare to confront a deadly threat and make a blood oath to face it together. The sense of danger, sacrifice, and unity raises the stakes and intensifies the tension.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by setting up the final confrontation with the antagonist and resolving some character arcs. The blood oath symbolizes the characters' commitment to their mission and propels the narrative towards its climax.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected actions of the characters, such as the blood oath and the newspaper headline. The audience is left wondering what will happen next.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict revolves around the idea of facing one's fears and taking responsibility for one's actions. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs about himself and his past.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.9

The scene has a high emotional impact, with moments of vulnerability, camaraderie, and determination evoking strong emotions in the audience. The characters' struggles and the sense of unity create a powerful emotional resonance.

Dialogue: 8.3

The dialogue in the scene is impactful, with the characters expressing their fears, determination, and camaraderie through their interactions. The dialogue effectively conveys the emotions and tensions present in the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its dark and mysterious atmosphere, the tension between the characters, and the sense of impending danger. The blood oath and newspaper headline add intrigue and suspense.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a gradual build-up of tension and suspense. The rhythm of the dialogue and action keeps the audience engaged and invested in the characters' journey.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings, action lines, and dialogue. The formatting enhances the readability and impact of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm contribute to its effectiveness.


Critique
  • The opening imagery of children’s bodies emerging from the sewer pipe is striking and immediately sets a dark tone for the scene. However, the transition from this grim imagery to Beverly finding a glass shard feels abrupt. The emotional weight of the first part could be better connected to Beverly's moment, perhaps by including a brief reflection from her on the horror they just witnessed.
  • The blood oath is a powerful moment that symbolizes unity and commitment among the Losers. However, the dialogue could be more impactful. Instead of simply stating 'Swear it, guys,' Beverly could express her feelings about the importance of their bond and the stakes involved, which would deepen the emotional resonance of the oath.
  • The pacing of the scene feels rushed, particularly during the blood oath. Each character's moment of receiving the slash could be given more weight, allowing for individual reactions or thoughts that reflect their fears and motivations. This would enhance the emotional stakes of the oath.
  • The transition to Bill's bedroom is somewhat jarring. The shift from the intense emotional moment of the blood oath to a mundane packing scene could be smoothed out with a more gradual transition, perhaps by showing the Losers leaving the riverbank and Bill reflecting on their promise as he packs.
  • Zach's dialogue about being proud of Bill feels somewhat disconnected from the emotional turmoil Bill is experiencing. It might be more effective if Zach's pride is tied to Bill's actions regarding the Losers and their fight against IT, rather than just a general statement. This would reinforce the theme of familial expectations versus personal struggles.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment of reflection for Beverly after the children’s bodies emerge, perhaps showing her internal struggle with the horror they just witnessed, which would create a smoother transition to her finding the glass shard.
  • Enhance Beverly's dialogue during the blood oath to convey more emotion and urgency, emphasizing the gravity of their situation and the importance of their unity.
  • Allow each character a brief moment to react to the blood oath, which would deepen the emotional impact and highlight their individual fears and motivations.
  • Create a more gradual transition from the riverbank to Bill's bedroom, possibly by including a brief scene of the group leaving the riverbank and discussing their feelings about the oath as they walk.
  • Revise Zach's dialogue to connect more directly to Bill's emotional journey, perhaps by acknowledging the weight of their fight against IT and how proud he is of Bill for standing up against it.



Scene 60 -  Bittersweet Farewell
EXT. WILL’S HOUSE - DAY

Bill packs his suitcase and looks out for his friends,
someone to send him off. No one. His mom closes the truck
and kisses him on the forehead. Still distant, but trying.

SHARON
I know it’s not Acadia, but maybe
we can make new memories. Just us.

BILL
It’s cool, Ma.


INT. BILL’S WAGONER - MOVING - DAY

They pull out and Bill looks ahead, now wishing he could stay
with his friends. As they pass Witcham and Jackson Bill
glances out at the infamous storm drain.

Then he notices behind him one, two, three, four, five, six
HUFFY BIKES swing out into the road, chasing him. Ben, Bev,
Richie, Mike, Stanley and Eddie all peddle like mad after him
waving goodbye.

Bill waves goodbye and puts his hand against the glass as
they drive away, the swarm of bikes trying to keep up behind,
until finally, turning a corner...

His friends are gone from sight.


EXT. DERRY/SKY OVER IT - DAY

As Bill’s wagon drives off we RISE UP UP UP over Bill’s
neighborhood, then HIGH OVER DERRY and the rivers and all
black pines as far as the eye can see, until we come to...

A floating RED BALLOON

It POPS!

The End
Genres: ["Horror","Drama","Adventure"]

Summary As Bill packs his suitcase outside his house, he grapples with the sadness of leaving his friends behind. His mother, Sharon, tries to comfort him, suggesting they can create new memories together. While driving away, Bill looks back at his friends—Ben, Bev, Richie, Mike, Stanley, and Eddie—who chase after him on their bikes, waving goodbye. The scene captures Bill's longing and nostalgia, culminating in a high aerial shot over Derry that ends with the dramatic pop of a floating red balloon.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Symbolism
  • Character relationships
Weaknesses
  • Lack of external conflict
  • Some dialogue could be more impactful

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively combines elements of horror, drama, and adventure, creating a tense and emotional atmosphere. The departure of Bill from his friends is poignant and impactful, leaving a lasting impression on the audience.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of saying goodbye to friends and embarking on a new journey is a universal theme that resonates with audiences. The scene effectively captures the bittersweet nature of parting ways.

Plot: 8.5

The plot progression in the scene is significant, as it marks a turning point for Bill and his friends. The resolution of their blood oath and the symbolic chase scene add depth to the overall story.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh approach to the theme of friendship and loss, with unique character dynamics and a heartfelt portrayal of the protagonist's internal struggles. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters' emotions and relationships are well-developed in the scene, particularly Bill's internal conflict and the bond between the friends. Each character's actions and reactions contribute to the overall impact of the moment.

Character Changes: 8

Bill undergoes a significant change in the scene, transitioning from reluctance to acceptance of his new journey. The friends also experience a shift in their dynamic as they part ways.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to come to terms with leaving his friends behind and moving away. It reflects his deeper need for connection and belonging, as well as his fear of losing those relationships.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to physically leave his hometown and start a new chapter in his life. It reflects the immediate challenge of saying goodbye to his friends and adjusting to a new environment.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict in the scene is more internal and emotional, focusing on the characters' struggles with saying goodbye and moving on. While there is tension, it is not as overtly dramatic as other scenes.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create conflict and suspense, as the protagonist faces the challenge of leaving his friends behind and starting a new chapter in his life. The audience is unsure of how he will navigate this obstacle.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in terms of emotional impact and character development, as the scene marks a pivotal moment in the characters' lives. While there is no immediate physical danger, the emotional stakes are significant.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by resolving key character arcs, setting up future conflicts, and establishing a sense of closure for this chapter of the narrative.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected appearance of the friends on bikes, adding a twist to the protagonist's departure. The audience is left wondering about the significance of this moment and its impact on the story.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the tension between holding onto the past and embracing the future. It challenges the protagonist's beliefs about change, growth, and the importance of memories.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, eliciting feelings of sadness, nostalgia, and hope in the audience. The departure of Bill and the friends' heartfelt farewell resonate deeply.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue in the scene is heartfelt and authentic, reflecting the characters' emotions and the gravity of the situation. Each line adds depth to the relationships and themes explored.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it captures the audience's emotions through relatable themes, well-developed characters, and a sense of nostalgia. The tension between the protagonist's internal and external goals keeps the audience invested in his journey.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension, creating emotional resonance, and maintaining the audience's interest. The rhythm of the scene mirrors the protagonist's internal struggle and external challenges.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene adheres to the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings, action lines, and dialogue. The visual descriptions enhance the atmosphere and mood of the scene.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness in conveying the emotional journey of the protagonist.


Critique
  • The emotional tone of the scene is poignant, capturing Bill's sense of loss and longing for his friends. However, the dialogue between Bill and his mother feels somewhat generic and lacks depth. It could benefit from more specific language that reflects their unique relationship and the weight of the moment.
  • The transition from the intimate moment between Bill and his mother to the larger visual of the friends chasing after him is effective, but the pacing could be improved. The scene feels rushed, particularly in the shift from Bill's internal conflict to the external action of his friends chasing him. Allowing more time for Bill's emotional response before introducing the bikes could enhance the impact.
  • The visual imagery of the red balloon popping is a strong metaphor for the end of childhood and innocence, but it could be foreshadowed earlier in the scene. Perhaps incorporating a mention of balloons or a similar motif earlier in the script would create a more cohesive thematic connection.
  • The scene lacks a clear sense of closure for Bill. While he is leaving, there is no definitive moment of resolution for his character arc. Adding a brief moment of reflection or a final thought from Bill could provide a stronger emotional payoff.
  • The use of the Huffy bikes as a visual element is charming and nostalgic, but it might be more impactful if the friends' expressions and actions were described in more detail. This would help convey their urgency and emotional investment in Bill's departure.
Suggestions
  • Revise the dialogue between Bill and Sharon to include more personal anecdotes or memories that highlight their relationship, making the farewell feel more significant.
  • Consider slowing down the pacing of the scene to allow for a more gradual transition from Bill's internal struggle to the external action of his friends chasing after him. This could involve adding a moment where Bill reflects on his friends before noticing them.
  • Introduce the red balloon motif earlier in the screenplay to create a stronger thematic connection that culminates in the balloon popping at the end of the scene.
  • Add a moment of introspection for Bill before he leaves, perhaps a thought about what he will miss or a memory of his friends, to provide a more satisfying emotional resolution.
  • Enhance the description of the friends on their bikes, focusing on their expressions and actions to convey their urgency and emotional investment in Bill's departure.