Read Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog with its analysis

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Scene 1 - Dr. Horrible's Plans and Updates

Overall: 9.0
Concept: 8
Plot: 9
Characters: 9
Dialogue: 10

DR. HORRIBLE’S SING-ALONG BLOG
By
Joss Whedon, Jed Whedon, Zack Whedon & Maurissa Tancharoen
ACT I
Blog #1
DR. HORRIBLE
Ah hahahaha. Ah ha haaaa. A haaaa.
So that’s you know... coming along. I’m working with a
vocal coach. Strengthening the “ahhaa”. A lot of guys
ignore the laugh and that’s about standards. I mean, if
you’re going to get into the Evil League of Evil you
HAVE to have a memorable laugh. I mean do you think Bad
Horse didn’t work on his whinny? His terrible...
Death... whinny.
No response, BTW from the League yet but my application
is strong this year. A letter of condemnation from the
deputy mayor. That’s gotta have some weight, so,
fingers crossed.
EMAILS! 2sly4you writes: “hey genius” wow. Sarcasm.
That’s ORIGINAL. “Where are the gold bars you were
supposed to pull out of that bank vault with your
trans-matter ray? Obviously it failed or it would be in
the papers.”
Well no, there not going to say anything in the press.
But BEHOLD. Transported from there to here.
The molecules tend to shift in the trans-matter...
um... event, but, they were transported IN BAR FORM and
they clearly were... (and by the way it’s not about
making money. It’s about TAKING money. Destroying the
status-quo because the “status” is NOT “quo”. The world
is a mess and I just need to RULE it.) I’m gonna...
that smells like cumin.
So, Trans-matter is 75% AND more importantly the
Freeze-Ray is almost up. This is the one. Stops time.
Freeze-ray. Tell your friends.
We have... OH! Here’s one from our good friend Johnny
Snow. “Dr. Horrible. I see you are once again afraid to
do battle with your nemesis. I waited at Dooley Park
for 45 minutes.”
Ok, DUDE you’re NOT my nemesis. My nemesis is Captain
Hammer. Captain Hammer, Corporate TOOL. He dislocated
my shoulder... Again... last week.
LOOK! I’m just trying to change the world, OK? I don’t
have time for a grudge match with every poser in a
parka. Besides, there’s kids in that park, so...
(MORE)
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 2.

DR. HORRIBLE (cont’d)
Here’s one from DeadNotSleeping. “Long time watcher,
first time writing.” Blah blah blah blah... “You always
say on your blog that you will ‘show her the way, show
her you are a true villain’. Who is ‘her’ and does she
even know that you’re” ...
Laundry Mat
"My Freeze Ray"
LAUNDRY DAY
SEE YOU THERE
UNDER THINGS
TUMBLING
WANNA SAY
“LOVE YOUR HAIR”
HERE I GO
MUMBLING
WITH MY FREEZE-RAY I WILL STOP THE WORLD
WITH MY FREEZE-RAY I WILL FIND THE TIME TO FIND THE
WORDS TO
TELL YOU HOW
HOW YOU MAKE
MAKE ME FEEL
WHAT’S THE PHRASE?
LIKE A FOOL
KINDA SICK
SPECIAL NEEDS
ANY WAYS
WITH MY FREEZE-RAY I WILL STOP THE PAIN
IT’S NOT A DEATH-RAY OR AN ICE-BEAM THAT’S ALL JOHNNY
SNOW
I JUST THINK YOU NEED TIME TO KNOW
THAT I’M THE GUY TO MAKE IT REAL
THE FEELINGS YOU DON’T DARE TO FEEL
I’LL BEND THE WORLD TO OUR WILL
AND WE’LL MAKE TIME STAND STILL
THAT’S THE PLAN
RULE THE WORLD
YOU AND ME
ANYDAY
Love your hair
PENNY
What?

(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 3.

DR. HORRIBLE
No... I... I... I love the air...
ANYWAY
WITH MY FREEZE RAY I WILL STOP -
Lab
MOIST
Hey doc.
DR. HORRIBLE
Moist! My evil, moisture buddy. What’s going on?
MOIST
Life of crime. Got your mail.
DR. HORRIBLE
Hey, didn’t you ahh. Didn’t you go on a date last
night? Conflict Diamond told me you were doubling with
Bait’N’Switch.
MOIST
Yeah, ahhh...
DR. HORRIBLE
Yeah?
MOIST
It was all right. I kinda thought I was supposed to
end up with bait, but...
DR. HORRIBLE
I hear ya. I saw Penny today.
MOIST
You talk to her?
DR. HORRIBLE
So close. I’m just a few weeks away from a real,
audible, connection. I’m gonna ask... Oh my God!
MOIST
Is that from the League?
DR. HORRIBLE
It’s from him! That’s his seal isn’t it?!?
MOIST
The leader? The... Oh my God!

(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 4.

DR. HORRIBLE
I got a letter from Bad Horse!
MOIST
That’s so hard core. Bad Horse is legend. He rules
the league with an iron hoof. Are you sure you
wanna...?

"Bad Horse Letter"
BAD HORSE CHORUS
BAD HORSE
BAD HORSE
BAD HORSE
BAD HORSE
HE RIDES ACROSS THE NATION
THE THOROUGHBRED OF SIN
HE GOT THE APPLICATION THAT YOU JUST SENT IN
IT NEEDS EVALUATION, SO LET THE GAMES BEGIN
A HEINOUS CRIME, A SHOW OF FORCE,
(A MURDER WOULD BE NICE OF COURSE)
BAD HORSE
BAD HORSE
BAD HORSE
HE’S BAD
THE EVIL LEAGUE OF EVIL
IS WATCHING SO BEWARE
THE GRADE THAT YOU RECEIVE WILL BE YOUR LAST
WE SWEAR
SO MAKE THE BAD HORSE GLEEFUL
OR HE’LL MAKE YOU HIS MARE
YOU’RE SADDLED UP
THERE’S NO RECOURSE
IT’S ‘HIGH-HO SILVER’
SIGNED: BAD HORSE
MOIST
It’s not a no...
DR. HORRIBLE
Are you kidding? This is great! I’m about to pull a
major heist. You know the Wonderflonium that I need
for the Freeze-Ray? It’s being transported tomorrow.
MOIST
Armored car?
DR. HORRIBLE
Courier van. Candy from a baby.

(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 5.

Genres: ["comedy","sci-fi"]

Summary Dr. Horrible discusses his plans to join the Evil League of Evil and shares updates on his latest inventions. He also receives a letter from Bad Horse, the leader of the league.

Strengths "The quirky and humorous tone is engaging, and the characters are memorable. The dialogue, especially Dr. Horrible's lines, is witty and clever. The plot is packed with exciting developments."

Weaknesses "The scene could benefit from more emotional depth and character growth. The theme could be more clearly conveyed."

Critique Overall, this scene is well-written and intriguing. It sets up the character of Dr. Horrible and his motivations clearly, while also giving insight into his personality and sense of humor. The use of the blog format is a clever way to convey his inner thoughts and give context to his actions.

One possible area for critique is the pacing of the scene - there are a lot of quick jumps between different topics and locations, which can be disorienting for the viewer. Additionally, some of the dialogue feels a bit forced or overly quippy, which can take away from the natural flow of the scene.

Overall, though, the scene effectively sets up the world and characters of Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog and leaves the viewer curious to see where the story will go from here.

Suggestions Here are some suggestions for improving the scene:

1. Clarify the objective: It is not clear what the scene is trying to accomplish. Is it to introduce Dr. Horrible as the protagonist and establish his goal of joining the Evil League of Evil? Is it to show his relationship with his nemesis, Captain Hammer? Is it to introduce other characters like Moist? The scene needs a clearer objective, so that it can be more focused and impactful.

2. Characterization: While the scene introduces several characters, it doesn't do much to establish their personalities or motivations. For example, we don't really know anything about Penny other than that Dr. Horrible seems to have a crush on her. Similarly, Moist doesn't have much to do other than deliver mail. The scene could benefit from more specific and differentiated character voices and actions.

3. Dialogue: The scene is heavy on dialogue, but not all of it is necessary or engaging. Some of the jokes and asides can be cut to make the scene more streamlined. The dialogue could also benefit from more clever wordplay and subtext, especially since this is a musical.

4. Visuals: The scene is mostly static, with Dr. Horrible sitting at his computer and talking to himself. There are some moments of action, like the Laundry Day musical number, but they feel disconnected from the rest of the scene. The screenwriter could explore ways to make the visuals more dynamic, whether through camera angles, blocking, or montage sequences.

5. Tone: The scene tries to balance humor and drama, but the transitions between them can be jarring. For example, the Bad Horse letter comes out of nowhere and interrupts the rhythm of the scene. The screenwriter could consider a more consistent tone throughout the scene, or find more seamless ways to shift between different emotions.

Scene 2 - Moist

Overall: 8.0
Concept: 7
Plot: 8
Characters: 8
Dialogue: 9

MOIST
You need anything dampened or made soggy or...?
DR. HORRIBLE
Thanks, but... the League is watching. I gotta go this
alone.
Street
"Caring Hands"
PENNY
WILL YOU LEND A CARING HAND
TO SHELTER THOSE WHO NEED IT?
ONLY HAVE TO SIGN YOUR NAME
DON’T EVEN HAVE TO READ IT
WOULD YOU HELP?
NO? HOW BOUT YOU?
WILL YOU LEND A CARING HAND?
DR. HORRIBLE
ARGHHH!
PENNY
Oh. Oh.
DR. HORRIBLE
Argh. Ah. Hah. What?
PENNY
I was wondering if I could just... Hey, I know you!
DR. HORRIBLE
Hello. You know me? Cool. I mean. Yeah, you do. Do
you?
PENNY
From the laundry mat.
DR. HORRIBLE
Wednesdays and Saturdays except twice last month, you
skipped the weekend. Or, if that was you. It coulda
been someone else, I mean, I’ve SEEN you. Billy is my
name.
PENNY
I’m Penny. What are you doing?
DR. HORRIBLE
I’m texting. It’s very important or I would stop. What
are you doing?

(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 6.

PENNY
Actually I’m out here volunteering for the Caring Hands
Homeless Shelter. Can you spare a minute?
DR. HORRIBLE
Umm... Ok, go.
PENNY
Ok, we’re hoping to open up a new location soon, expand
our efforts. There’s this great building nearby that
the city is just going to demolish and turn into a
parking lot, but if we get enough signatures...
DR. HORRIBLE
Signatures? *pfft*
PENNY
Yeah.
DR. HORRIBLE
I’m sorry, go on.
PENNY
I was saying um, maybe we could get the city to donate
the building to our cause. We would be able to provide
250 new beds, get people off the streets and into job
training so they could... buy rocket packs and go to
the moon and become... florists... You’re not really
interested in the homeless are you?
DR. HORRIBLE
No, I am. But they’re a symptom. You’re treating a
symptom and the disease rages on, consumes the human
race. The fish rots from the head as they say. So my
thinking is why not cut off the head?
PENNY
Of the human race?
DR. HORRIBLE
It’s not a perfect metaphor... but I’m talking about an
overhaul of the system. Putting the power in...
DIFFERENT... hands.
PENNY
I’m all for that... This petition is about the
building...
DR. HORRIBLE
I’d love to sign it.

(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 7.

PENNY
Thank you.
DR. HORRIBLE
Sorry I... I come on strong.
PENNY
But you signed.
DR. HORRIBLE
Wouldn’t want to turn my back on a fellow laundry
person...
PENNY
Well if WE can’t stick together I don’t... I’ll
probably see you there.
DR. HORRIBLE
No, I will. I’ll...
She talked to me. Why did she talk to me NOW? Maybe I
should...

"A Man’s Gotta Do"
A MAN’S GOTTA DO WHAT A MAN’S GOTTA DO
DON’T PLAN THE PLAN IF YOU CAN’T FOLLOW THROUGH
ALL THAT MATTERS IS TAKING MATTERS INTO YOUR OWN HANDS
SOON I’LL CONTROL EVERYTHING
MY WISH IS YOUR COMMAND
CAPTAIN HAMMER
STAND BACK EVERYONE
NOTHIN’ HERE TO SEE
JUST IMMINENT DANGER
AND IN THE MIDDLE OF IT ME
YES CAPTAIN HAMMER’S HERE
HAIR BLOWING IN THE BREEZE
THE DAY NEEDS MY SAVING EXPERTISE
A MAN’S GOTTA DO WHAT A MAN’S GOTTA DO
SEEMS DESTINY ENDS WITH ME SAVING YOU
THE ONLY DOOM THAT’S LOOMING IS YOU LOVING ME TO DEATH
SO I’LL GIVE YOU A SECOND TO CATCH YOUR BREATH
DR. HORRIBLE
You Idiot!
CAPTAIN HAMMER
Dr. Horrible. I should have known you were behind this.
DR. HORRIBLE
You almost killed her

(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 8.

CAPTAIN HAMMER
I remember it differently.
DR. HORRIBLE
Is she? *urgh*
CAPTAIN HAMMER
Its curtains for you Dr. Horrible. Lacy, gently wafting
curtains.
PENNY
THANK YOU HAMMER MAN, I DON’T THINK I CAN
EXPLAIN HOW IMPORTANT IT WAS THAT YOU STOP THE VAN
I WOULD BE SPLATTERED; I’D BE CRUSHED UNDER DEBRIS
THANK YOU SIR FOR SAVING ME
CAPTAIN HAMMER
Don’t worry about it.
A MAN’S GOTTA DO WHAT A MAN’S GOTTA DO.
PENNY
(YOU CAME FROM ABOVE.)
DR. HORRIBLE
(ARE YOU KIDDING?)
CAPTAIN HAMMER
SEEMS DESTINY ENDS WITH ME SAVING YOU
DR. HORRIBLE
(WHAT HEIST WERE YOU WATCHING?)
PENNY
(I WONDER WHAT YOU’RE CAPTAIN OF)
DR. HORRIBLE
(STOP LOOKING AT HER LIKE THAT)
CAPTAIN HAMMER
WHEN YOU’RE THE BEST YOU CAN’T REST, WHAT’S THE USE?
DR. HORRIBLE
(DID YOU NOTICE THAT HE THREW YOU IN THE GARBAGE?)
PENNY
(MY HEART IS BEATING LIKE A DRUM)
CAPTAIN HAMMER
THERE’S ASS NEEDS KICKING. SOME TICKING BOMB TO
DIFFUSE.

(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 9.

PENNY
(MUST... MUST BE IN SHOCK)
DR. HORRIBLE
(I STOPPED THE VAN. THE REMOTE CONTROL WAS IN MY HAND)
CAPTAIN HAMMER
THE ONLY DOOM THAT’S LOOMING IS YOU LOVING ME TO DEATH
PENNY
(ASSUMING I’M NOT LOVING YOU TO DEATH)
DR. HORRIBLE
(WHATEVER)
CAPTAIN HAMMER & PENNY
SO PLEASE GIVE ME A SEC TO CATCH MY BREATH
DR. HORRIBLE
Balls.
10.

Genres: ["Comedy","Superhero"]

Summary Dr. Horrible meets Penny while she is volunteering for a homeless shelter. She asks him to sign a petition to save a building, but he is more interested in his plans to join the Evil League of Evil and overthrow the system. Captain Hammer arrives and saves Penny from a potentially dangerous situation, while Dr. Horrible watches in frustration.

Strengths "Humorous dialogue and interactions between characters."

Weaknesses "Lack of clear stakes and tension in the scene."

Critique As a screenwriting expert, I would say that this scene is well-written and engaging. The dialogue between Moist and Dr. Horrible sets up the tension and the introduction of Penny adds a new dynamic to the story. The contrast between Dr. Horrible's cynicism and Penny's idealism is interesting and sets up a potential conflict between the two characters. The introduction of Captain Hammer further adds to the tension and drama of the scene. Overall, the scene is well-paced and well-structured.

Suggestions Here are some suggestions to improve this scene:

1. Clarify the setting: The scene takes place in front of the "Caring Hands" shelter, but it's not immediately clear what kind of establishment this is. Consider adding some establishing shots to show that it's a homeless shelter, or have the characters mention it explicitly.

2. Tighten up the dialogue: Some of the conversations between Penny and Dr. Horrible feel a bit rambling and meandering. Consider cutting some of the extraneous banter to keep things moving.

3. Add more conflict: The scene lacks a clear goal or conflict for the characters to resolve. One way to heighten tension could be to have Dr. Horrible and Captain Hammer compete over who can help Penny more effectively, or to introduce a new problem that they have to work together to solve.

4. Keep the action visually interesting: As written, the scene consists almost entirely of characters talking in one location. Consider adding more movement or physical action to keep the audience engaged, or add more interesting visuals to the setting.

5. Use music to enhance the mood: The scene includes a musical number, but it doesn't build to a clear climax or resolution. Consider reworking the song to have a more dramatic or emotional arc, or use the music to underscore the tension between the characters.

Scene 3 - Opposites Attract

Overall: 8.0
Concept: 9
Plot: 8
Characters: 9
Dialogue: 8

ACT II
Blog #2
Dr. Horrible sits with blank expression.
Street
"On the Rise"
DR. HORRIBLE
ANY DOLT WITH HALF A BRAIN
CAN SEE THAT HUMAN KIND HAS GONE INSANE
TO THE POINT WHERE I DON’T KNOW
IF I’LL UPSET THE STATUS QUO
IF I THROW POISON IN THE WATER MAIN
LISTEN CLOSE TO EVERYBODY’S HEART
AND HEAR THAT BREAKING SOUND
HOPES AND DREAMS ARE SHATTERING APART
AND CRASHING TO THE GROUND
I CAN NOT BELIEVE MY EYES
HOW THE WORLD’S FILLED WITH FILTH AND LIES
BUT IT’S PLAIN TO SEE
EVIL INSIDE OF ME
IS ON THE RISE
PENNY
LOOK AROUND. WE’RE LIVING WITH THE LOST AND FOUND
JUST WHEN YOU FEEL YOU’VE ALMOST DROWNED
YOU FIND YOURSELF ON SOLID GROUND
AND YOU BELIEVE THERE’S GOOD IN EVERYBODY’S HEART
KEEP IT SAFE AND SOUND
WITH HOPE, YOU CAN DO YOUR PART
TO TURN A LIFE AROUND
I CAN NOT BELIEVE MY EYES
IS THE WORLD FINALLY GROWING WISE
CAUSE IT SEEMS TO ME
SOME KIND OF HARMONY
IS ON THE RISE
DR. HORRIBLE
ANY ONE WITH HALF A BRAIN
COULD SPEND THEIR WHOLE LIFE HOWLING IN PAIN
PENNY
(TAKE IT SLOW
HE LOOKS AT ME AND SEEMS TO KNOW)
THE THINGS THAT I’M AFRAID TO SHOW
AND SUDDENLY I FEEL HIS GLOW

(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 11.

DR. HORRIBLE
(CAUSE THE DARK IS EVERYWHERE
AND PENNY DOESN’T SEEM TO CARE
THAT SOON THE DARK IN ME IS ALL THAT WILL REMAIN)
PENNY
AND I BELIEVE THERE’S GOOD IN EVERYBODY’S HEART
KEEP IT SAFE AND SOUND
DR. HORRIBLE
(LISTEN CLOSE TO EVERYBODY’S HEART
AND HEAR THAT BREAKING SOUND)
HOPES AND DREAMS ARE SHATTERING APART
PENNY
(WITH HOPE YOU CAN DO YOUR PART)
DR. HORRIBLE
AND CRASHING TO THE GROUND
PENNY
(TO TURN A LIFE AROUND)
DR. HORRIBLE & PENNY
I CAN NOT BELIEVE MY EYES
HOW THE WORLD’S -
DR. HORRIBLE
FILLED WITH FILTH AND LIES
PENNY
FINALLY GROWING WISE
DR. HORRIBLE
BUT IT’S PLAIN TO SEE
PENNY
(AND IT’S PLAIN TO SEE)
DR. HORRIBLE
EVIL INSIDE OF ME
PENNY
(RAPTURE INSIDE OF ME)
DR. HORRIBLE & PENNY
IS ON THE RISE
12.

Laundry Mat
PENNY
It is so dumb that we’ve been coming here so long and
never spoke.
DR. HORRIBLE
I know. All those months doing a stunningly boring
chore.
PENNY
I’m a fan of laundry.
DR. HORRIBLE
Psych! I love it.
PENNY
The smell of fabric softener.
DR. HORRIBLE
MMmm.
PENNY
The feel of warm clothes in your hands.
DR. HORRIBLE
So good.
Hey, this is weird. I ordered one frozen yogurt and
they gave me two. You don’t happen to like frozen
yogurt do you?
PENNY
I love it.
DR. HORRIBLE
Yore kidding! what a crazy, random happen-stance. Here.
PENNY
Thank you.
DR. HORRIBLE
So how was your weekend? Did you spend the whole time
hunting wild signatures?
PENNY
Um, actually, I went on a date...
DR. HORRIBLE
Get right outta town. How was that?

(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 13.

PENNY
Unexpected. He’s a really good looking guy, and I
thought he was kinda cheesy at first...
DR. HORRIBLE
Trust your instincts -
PENNY
But, he turned out to be totally sweet. Sometimes
people are layered like that. there’s something totally
different underneath than what’s on the surface.
DR. HORRIBLE
And sometimes there’s a third, even deeper level and
that one is the same as the top surface one.
PENNY
Huh?
DR. HORRIBLE
Like with pie...
So, you gonna see him again?
PENNY
I think I will...
DR. HORRIBLE
Huh.
PENNY
Billy?
DR. HORRIBLE
Yeah?
PENNY
You’re driving a spork into your leg.
DR. HORRIBLE
So I am. Hilarious.

Blog #3
DR. HORRIBLE
All right. The wait is over. This my friends, is my
Freeze-Ray which, with the addition of the
Wonderflonium I obtained at my famously successful
heist last week.
I say successful in that I achieved my objective. It
was less successful in that I inadvertently introduced
my arch-nemesis to the girl of my dreams, and now he’s
(MORE)
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 14.

DR. HORRIBLE (cont’d)
taking her out on dates, and they’re probably going to
french kiss or something.
She called him sweet. How is he sweet?
RIGHT. Freeze-Ray. SO as of tonight I am in the Evil
League of Evil if all goes according to plan; which it
WILL because I hold a P.H.D in Horribleness. See you at
the aftermath. PEACE!
But not literally...

Blog #4
Dr. Horrible returns battered and bruised.
DR. HORRIBLE
*cough* Ahem. The Freeze-Ray needs work. I also need to
be a LITTLE bit more careful about what I say on this
blog. Apparently the L.A.P.D and Captain Hammer are
among our viewers.
They were waiting for me at the Mayor’s dedication of
the Superhero Memorial Bridge. The Freeze-Ray takes a
few seconds to warm up and I wasn’t...
Captain Hammer threw a car at my head.
Not to worry though, because I’m....
Oh, one second.
"Bad Horse Phone Call"
BAD HORSE CHORUS
HE SAW THE OPERATION
YOU TRIED TO PULL TODAY
BUT YOUR HUMILIATION MEANS HE STILL VOTES NAY
AND NOW ASSASSINATION IS JUST THE ONLY WAY
THERE WILL BE BLOOD
IT MIGHT BE YOURS
SO GO KILL SOMEONE
SIGNED: BAD HORSE

Lab
MOIST
Kill someone?
DR. HORRIBLE
Would you do it? To get into the Evil League of Evil?

(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 15.

Genres: ["musical","comedy","superhero"]

Summary Dr. Horrible meets Penny and shares a frozen yogurt as they discuss her recent date with Captain Hammer. He reflects on the rise of evil in the world and his plans to join the Evil League of Evil. In a parallel plotline, Dr. Horrible receives a letter from Bad Horse and contemplates the idea of assassination to gain entry into the league.

Strengths "The scene juxtaposes Dr. Horrible's cynical views about society with Penny's optimistic worldview, providing a nuanced exploration of themes of good and evil. The scene also sets up the tension for future conflict, with Dr. Horrible receiving an ultimatum to kill someone to join the Evil League of Evil."

Weaknesses "The scene may be disjointed in terms of structure, with two distinct plotlines that don't necessarily converge."

Critique As a screenwriting expert, I would critique this scene as follows:

The scene is well-written and engaging, and the dialogue is strong. The song lyrics effectively convey Dr. Horrible's worldview, and the conversation between Dr. Horrible and Penny at the laundry mat helps build their relationship. The use of a freeze-ray as a super-villain weapon is also a creative touch. However, one potential issue with the scene is that it is very dialogue-heavy and doesn't have much action or visual interest. This could potentially make it less engaging for audiences who are not as invested in the characters or the story. It would be beneficial to add more visual elements or action to help keep the scene visually interesting and engaging for the audience.

Suggestions As a screenwriting expert, here are some suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Add more action to the scene: The scene mostly involves two characters sitting and talking to each other. Consider adding more action to make the scene more visually interesting.

2. Make the dialogue more concise and impactful: Some of the dialogue in the scene feels repetitive and could be condensed to make each line more impactful.

3. Develop the characters: The characters in the scene don't have much depth or backstory. Consider adding more information about them to make the scene more meaningful and give the audience a reason to care about them.

4. Introduce conflict: The scene lacks conflict. Consider adding some tension or disagreement between the characters to drive the story forward.

5. Set the scene more clearly: The scenes cut back and forth between different locations without clearly establishing each one. Consider adding more details about each location to help the audience keep track of where the action is taking place.

Scene 4 - Moist and Dr. Horrible's Plans

Overall: 7.0
Concept: 6
Plot: 6
Characters: 8
Dialogue: 7

MOIST
Look at me man. I’m Moist. I mean, at my most bad-ass I
make people feel like they want to take a shower. I’m
not E.L.E material.
DR. HORRIBLE
Killing’s not elegant or creative. It’s not my style.
MOIST
You’ve got more than enough evil hours to get into the
Henchman’s Union.
DR. HORRIBLE
*Pfft* I’m not a henchman. I’m Dr. Horrible. I have a
P.H.D. in horribleness.
MOIST
Is that the new catch phrase?
DR. HORRIBLE
I deserve to get in. You know I do. But killing?
Really?
MOIST
Hourglass says she knows a kid in Iowa that grows up to
become president. That’d be big.
DR. HORRIBLE
I’m not gonna kill a little kid.
MOIST
Smother an old lady.
DR. HORRIBLE:
Do I even know you?

Laundry Mat
DR. HORRIBLE
I just, you know, REALLY think I’m qualified for this,
this job and I just can’t get my foot in the door.
PENNY
I’m sure you will.
DR. HORRIBLE
I wanna do great things, you know? I wanna be an
achiever. Like Bad Horse...
PENNY
The thoroughbred of sin?

(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 16.

DR. HORRIBLE
I meant Ghandi.
PENNY
Well, I’ve gotten turned down from plenty of jobs. Even
fired a few times.
DR. HORRIBLE
I can’t imagine anyone firing you.
PENNY
Neither could I. Now I can visualize it really well.
But, you know... everything happens.
DR. HORRIBLE
Don’t say "for a reason".
PENNY
No, I’m just saying that everything happens.
DR. HORRIBLE
Not to me.

"Here’s a Story"
PENNY
HERE’S A STORY
OF A GIRL
WHO GREW UP LOST AND LONELY
THINKING LOVE WAS FAIRY TALE
AND TROUBLE WAS MADE ONLY FOR ME
EVEN IN THE DARKENSS EVERY COLOR CAN BE FOUND
AND EVERY DAY OF RAIN BRINGS WATER FLOWING TO
THINGS GROWING IN THE GROUND
GRIEF REPLACED WITH PITTY
FOR A CITY BARELY COPING
DREAMS ARE EASY TO ACHIEVE
IF HOPE IS ALL I’M HOPING TO BE
ANY TIME YOU’RE HURT
THERE’S ONE WHO HAS IT WORSE AROUND
AND EVERY DROP OF RAIN WILL KEEP YOU GROWING
SEEDS YOU’RE SOWING IN THE GROUND
SO KEEP YOUR HEAD UP
BILLY BUDDY
It’s like Captain Hammer’s always saying...

(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 17.

DR. HORRIBLE
Right. Him. How are things with "cheesy on the
outside"?
PENNY
Good. They’re good. He’s nice.
I’ll be interested to know what you think of him. He
said he might stop by.
DR. HORRIBLE
Stop by here?!
PENNY
Yeah.
DR. HORRIBLE
OH! Goodness. Look at my wrist. I gotta go
PENNY
But what about your clothes?
DR. HORRIBLE
I don’t love these. See ya.
ARGH!
CAPTAIN HAMMER
Oh, Pardon.
DR. HORRIBLE
Pardon.
PENNY
Billy, this is Captain Hammer.
CAPTAIN HAMMER
OH! Billy, the laundry buddy. well it is very nice to
meet you.
DR. HORRIBLE
We’re meeting now for the first time.
CAPTAIN HAMMER
You look horribly familiar.
DR. HORRIBLE
One of those faces I guess.
CAPTAIN HAMMER
Have I seen you at the gym?

(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 18.

DR. HORRIBLE
At the gym...
CAPTAIN HAMMER
I don’t go to the gym, I’m just naturally like this. Oh
well.
Who wants to know what the Mayor is doing behind closed
doors? He is signing over a certain building to a
Caring Hands Group as a new homeless shelter.
PENNY
Oh my God!
CAPTAIN HAMMER
Yep. Apparently the only signature he needed was my
fist. But, with a pen in it. That I was signing with.
PENNY
I, I can’t believe it!
DR. HORRIBLE
Congratulations
PENNY
Thank you, THANK YOU!
CAPTAIN HAMMER
ahh
PENNY
Oh
DR. HORRIBLE
Well, this is great. I wish I could stay and chit-chat.
CAPTAIN HAMMER
Well it sure was nice to meet you... Doctor...
You got a little crush, don’t you Doc? Well that’s
gonna make this hard to hear. See, later I’m gonna take
little Penny back to my place, show her the Command
Center, Hammer Cycle, maybe even the Ham-Jet. You think
she likes me now? I’m gonna give Penny the night of her
life. Just because you want her, and I get what you
want. See, Penny’s giving it up. She’s givin it up
hard, cause she’s with Captain Hammer. And THESE are
not the hammer.
The hammer is my penis.
19.

Street
"Brand New Day"
DR. HORRIBLE
THIS APPEARED AS A MORAL DILEMMA
CAUSE AT FIRST IT WAS WEIRD THOUGH I SWORE TO ELIMINATE
THE WORST OF THE PLAGUE THAT DEVOURED HUMANITY
ITS TRUE I WAS VAGUE ON THE HOW SO HOW CAN IT BE THAT
YOU
HAVE SHOWN ME THE LIGHT
IT’S A BRAND NEW DAY
AND THE SUN IS HIGH
ALL THE BIRDS ARE SINGING
THAT YOU’RE GONNA DIE
HOW I HESITATED
NOW I WONDER WHY
IT’S A BRAND NEW DAY
ALL THE TIMES THAT YOU BEAT ME UNCONSCIOUS
I’LL FORGIVE
ALL THE CRIMES INCOMPLETE, LISTEN, HONESTLY
I’LL LIVE
MR. COOL, MR. RIGHT, MR. KNOW-IT-ALL IS THROUGH
AND THE FUTURE’S SO BRIGHT
AND I OWE IT ALL TO YOU
YOU SHOWED ME THE LIGHT
IT’S A BRAND NEW ME
I’VE GOT NO REMORSE
NOW THE WATER’S RISIN’
BUT I KNOW THE COURSE
I’M GONNA SHOCK THE WORLD
GONNA SHOW BAD HORSE
IT’S A BRAND NEW DAY
AND PENNY WILL SEE
THE EVIL ME
NOT A JOKE
NOT A DORK
NOT A FAILURE
AND SHE MAY CRY
BUT HER TEARS WILL DRY
WHEN I HAND HER THE KEYS
TO A SHINY NEW AUSTRALIA
IT’S A BRAND NEW DAY
AND THE SUN IS HIGH
ALL THE ANGELS SING
BECAUSE YOU’RE GONNA DIE
GO AHEAD AND LAUGH
YEAH I’M A FUNNY GUY
(MORE)
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 20.

Genres: ["Musical Comedy","Superhero"]

Summary Dr. Horrible discusses his plans to join the Evil League of Evil with Moist and contemplates assassination to gain entry. He also meets Penny again and discusses his ambitions with her. Captain Hammer arrives and reveals the Mayor's plan to create a new homeless shelter.

Strengths "The scene establishes several character motivations, especially Dr. Horrible's desire to achieve greatness. The dialogue is witty and humorous, with memorable lines from both Dr. Horrible and Captain Hammer. There are also callbacks to earlier scenes."

Weaknesses "The scene is dialogue-heavy with little action, and could be considered slow-paced. The conflict\/plot development is minimal"

Critique As a screenwriting expert, I would say that this scene from Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog is a great example of using dialogue to reveal character and advance the plot. The banter between Moist and Dr. Horrible, as well as Captain Hammer's introduction, not only showcase the individual personalities of each character but also hint at the conflict to come. The dialogue is sharp and witty, with a good mix of humor and tension. Additionally, the use of the song "Brand New Day" reinforces the theme of transformation and sets the stage for the next act in the story. Overall, this scene is well-written and engaging, with strong character development and effective storytelling.

Suggestions One suggestion would be to streamline the dialogue in the first half of the scene between Dr. Horrible and Moist. The conversation feels a bit clunky and repetitive, with both characters making similar points. Another suggestion would be to add more conflict or tension between Dr. Horrible and Captain Hammer, as their dynamic seems important but not fully developed in this scene. Finally, consider trimming down the lyrics in the "Brand New Day" song sequence to keep it punchy and engaging.

Scene 5 - Heroes, Villains, and Homeless Shelters

Overall: 8.0
Concept: 8
Plot: 8
Characters: 8
Dialogue: 7

DR. HORRIBLE (cont’d)
TELL EVERYONE GOOD-BYE
IT’S A BRAND NEW DAY
21.

ACT III
Multiple (T.V., Street & Lab)
FEMALE REPORTER
Looks like we’re finding out what a true hero is
MALE REPORTER
The mayor himself will be on hand to dedicate the new
homeless shelter and unveil the statue of Captain
Hammer.
FEMALE REPORTER
It’s a good day to be homeless.
MALE REPORTER
Ahaha, it certainly is.
"Perfect Story"
MOVER #1
SO THEY SAY CAPTAIN HAMMER’S BECOME A CRUSADER,
POLITICAL, HE’S CLEANIN’ UP THE STREETS.
MOVER #2
About time.
GROUPIE #1
SO THEY SAY IT’S REAL LOVE
GROUPIES
SO ROMANTIC
GROUPIE #3
HE SIGNED THIS.
PENNY
SO THEY SAY WE’LL HAVE BLANKETS AND BEDS. WE CAN OPEN
BY MONDAY THANKS TO YOU.
CAPTAIN HAMMER
Thanks to ME.

REPORTERS
IT’S THE PERFECT STORY
MALE REPORTER
SO THEY SAY

FEMALE REPORTER
A HERO LEADING THE WAY

(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 22.

REPORTERS
HAMMER’S CALL TO GLORY
FEMALE REPORTER
LETS ALL BE OUR BEST
MALE REPORTER
Next up, who’s gay?
GROUPIE #2
SO THEY SAY HE SAVED HER LIFE.
GROUPIE #1
THEY SAY SHE WORKS WITH THE HOMELESS, AND DOESN’T EAT
MEAT.
GROUPIES
WE HAVE A PROBLEM WITH HER.
GROUPIE #3
THIS IS HIS HAIR.
CAPTAIN HAMMER
THIS IS SO NICE
I JUST MIGHT SLEEP WITH THE SAME GIRL TWICE
THEY SAY IT’S BETTER THE SECOND TIME
THEY SAY YOU GET TO DO THE WEIRD STUFF
GROUPIES
WE DO THE WEIRD STUFF
PENNY
THIS IS PERFECT FOR ME
SO THEY SAY
I GUESS HE’S PRETTY OK
AFTER YEARS OF STORMY SAILING
HAVE I FINALLY FOUND THE BAY?
MOIST
He’s still not picking up.
DR. HORRIBLE & PENNY
THERE’S NO HAPPY ENDING
SO THEY SAY
DR. HORRIBLE
Not for me anyway.
PENNY
SHOULD I STOP PRETENDING

(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 23.

DR. HORRIBLE
(STOP PRETENDING)
TAKE THE CHANCE TO BUILD A BRAND NEW DAY?
PENNY
(OR IS THIS A BRAND NEW DAY?)
GROUPIE #3
THIS IS HIS DRY-CLEANING BILL
GROUPIES
FOUR SWEATER-VESTS.

Town Hall
MAYOR
And in just a few minutes we’ll unveil the statue of
the man himself. Thank you. Thank you.
Justice has a name, and the name it has (besides
justice) is Captain Hammer. Ladies and Gentlemen; your
hero.
CAPTAIN HAMMER
Thank you. Thank you Mayor for those kind words.
"I hate the homeless...
"-ness problem that plagues our city. Everyone should
have the basic... "
You know what? I don’t need tiny cue cards. When I fell
DEEPLY in love with my serious, long term girlfriend
Penny (wave your hand Penny) There she is. Cute huh?
Sort of a quiet, nerdy thing. Not my usual, but nice.
Anyway, she turned me on to this whole homeless...
thing... which is terrible, and I realized, I’m not the
only hero in the room tonight. I’m not the only one
who’s fighting.
"Everyone’s a Hero"
IT MAY NOT FEEL TOO CLASSY
BEGGING JUST TO EAT
BUT YOU KNOW WHO DOES THAT?
LASSIE. AND SHE ALWAYS GETS A TREAT
SO YOU WONDER WHAT YOUR PART IS
CAUSE YOU’RE HOMELESS AND DEPRESSED
BUT HOME IS WHERE THE HEART IS
SO YOUR REAL HOME’S IN YOUR CHEST
EVERYONE’S A HERO IN THEIR OWN WAY
EVERYONE’S GOT VILLAINS THEY MUST FACE
(MORE)
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 24.

THEY’RE NOT AS COOL AS MINE
BUT FOLKS YOU KNOW IT’S FINE
TO KNOW YOUR PLACE
EVERYONE’S A HERO IN THEIR OWN WAY
IN THEIR OWN, NOT THAT HEROIC WAY
SO I THANK MY GIRLFRIEND PENNY
YEAH, WE TOTALLY HAD SEX
SHE SHOWED ME THERE’S SO MANY
DIFFERENT MUSCLES I CAN FLEX
THERE’S THE DELTOIDS OF COMPASSION
THERE’S THE ABS OF BEING KIND
IT’S NOT ENOUGH TO BASH IN HEADS
YOU’VE GOT TO BASH IN MINDS
EVERYONE’S A HERO IN THEIR OWN WAY
EVERYONE’S GOT SOMETHIN’ THEY CAN DO
GET UP, GO OUT AND FLY
ESPECIALLY THAT GUY
HE SMELLS LIKE POO
EVERYONE’S A HERO IN THEIR OWN WAY
YOU AND YOU AND MOSTLY ME AND YOU
I’M POVERTY’S NEW SHERIFF
AND I’M BASHING IN THE SLUMS
A HERO DOESN’T CARE IF YOU’RE A
BUNCH OF SCARY, ALCOHOLIC BUMS
EVERYBODY!
EVERYONE’S A HERO IN THEIR OWN WAY
CHORUS
(WE’RE HEROES TOO)
CAPTAIN HAMMER
EVERYONE CAN BLAZE A HERO’S TRAIL
CHORUS
(WE’RE JUST LIKE YOU)
CAPTAIN HAMMER
DON’T WORRY IF IT’S HARD
IF YOU’RE NOT A FRIGGIN’ TARD
YOU WILL PREVAIL
CHORUS
(AHHH AHH AHH OOOOOO)
CAPTAIN HAMMER
EVERYONE’S A HERO IN THEIR OWN WAY

(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 25.

CHORUS
(WE’RE HEROES TOO)
CAPTAIN HAMMER
EVERYONE’S A HERO IN THEI...

"Slipping"
DR. HORRIBLE
LOOK AT THESE PEOPLE
AMAZING HOW SHEEP’LL
SHOW UP FOR THE SLAUGHTER
NO ONE CONDEMNING
YOU LINED UP LIKE LEMMINGS
YOU LED TO THE WATER
WHY CAN’T THEY SEE
WHAT I SEE
WHY CAN’T THEY HEAR THE LIES?
MAYBE THE FEE’S TOO PRICEY
FOR THEM TO REALIZE
YOUR DISGUISE IS SLIPPING
I THINK YOU’RE SLIPPING
NOW THAT YOUR SAVIOR’S
AS STILL AS THE GRAVE
YOU’RE BEGINNING TO FEAR ME
LIKE CAVEMEN FEAR THUNDER
I STILL HAVE TO WONDER
CAN YOU REALLY HEAR ME?
I BRING YOU PAIN
THE KIND YOU CAN’T SUFFER QUIETLY
FIRE UP YOUR BRAIN
REMIND YOU INSIDE YOU’RE RIOTING
SOCIETY IS SLIPPING
EVERYTHING’S SLIPPING AWAY
SOO
GO AHEAD
RUN AWAY
SAY IT WAS HORRIBLE
SPREAD THE WORD
TELL A FRIEND
TELL THEM THE TALE
GET A PIC
DO A BLOG
HERO’S ARE OVER WITH
LOOK AT HIM
NOT A WORD
HAMMER MEET NAIL

Genres: ["Superhero","Musical"]

Summary Captain Hammer dedicates a new homeless shelter while Dr. Horrible contemplates his plans to join the Evil League of Evil and overthrow the system. Meanwhile, Penny shows gratitude for the help received for the new shelter and reflects on her feelings towards Captain Hammer.

Strengths "The musical numbers are catchy and reflect on the themes of the show, particularly the theme of heroism. The conflict between Dr. Horrible and Captain Hammer is simmering and may lead to a climax in the next scene."

Weaknesses "There is a lot of exposition and dialogue without much action. The scene lacks a clear turning point or climax."

Critique Overall, this scene is well-written and effective in moving the story forward. It effectively sets up the contrast between Captain Hammer's portrayal as a hero and Dr. Horrible's growing disillusionment with the societal norms that allow heroes like Hammer to thrive. The use of multiple settings and characters helps to give a sense of the wider world and the impact of the characters.

One minor critique would be that some of the lines could have been tightened or trimmed for pacing. In particular, Captain Hammer's song could have benefitted from being slightly shorter, as it slightly overstays its welcome. Additionally, there could have been more visual description to accompany the dialogue, as it can be hard to visualize some of the action and settings based on dialogue alone.

Overall, though, this scene effectively advances the plot and gives insight into the main characters' motivations and perspectives.

Suggestions The scene seems well-written but there are a few suggestions that could help improve it:

1. Consider condensing the dialogue in the scene. There is a lot of back and forth between different characters that could potentially be streamlined while still conveying the same message.

2. Think about how the scene contributes to the overall story arc. While the dialogue is entertaining, it may not be moving the story forward or developing characters in a significant way.

3. The humor in the scene is effective but it would be helpful to balance it out with more serious moments that add depth and emotion to the story.

4. Consider adding more visual elements to the scene, such as reactions or actions from characters, to break up the dialogue and add variety to the scene.

5. Think about what conflicts are present and how they build tension and create suspense in the scene. It would be helpful to emphasize these conflicts more to keep the audience engaged.

Scene 6 - Everything You Ever

Overall: 9.0
Concept: 8
Plot: 10
Characters: 9
Dialogue: 9

(MORE)
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 26.

DR. HORRIBLE (cont’d)
THEN I WIN
THEN I GET
EVERYTHING I EVER
ALL THE CASH
ALL THE FAME
AND SOCIAL CHANGE
ANARCHY
THAT I RUN
IT’S DR. HORRIBLE’S TURN
YOU PEOPLE ALL HAVE TO LEARN
THIS WORLD IS GOING TO BURN
BURN
Yeah, it’s two "R’s"
H-O-R-R. Right.
BURN
NO SIGN OF PENNY
GOOD
I WOULD GIVE ANYTHING
NOT TO HAVE HER SEE
IT’S GONNA BE BLOODY
HEAD UP BILLY BUDDY
THERE’S NO TIME FOR MERCY
HERE GOES NO MERCY
That’s not a good sound...
CAPTAIN HAMMER
WAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYY!
A Death-Ray? Looks like Dr. Horrible’s moving up. Let’s
see if this one works any better than your others.
DR. HORRIBLE
Don’t...
CAPTAIN HAMMER
I don’t have time for your warnings. You give my
regards to Saint Peter... or whoever has his job, but
in Hell.
Awww ahhhhh I’m in pain. I think this is what pain
feels like. Oh mommy! Someone maternal. Get outta my
way! I gotta get out!

(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 27.

DR. HORRIBLE
Penny! Penny? oh
PENNY
Billy? Is that you?
DR. HORRIBLE
Penny, hold on. Oh no no no no no.
PENNY
Are you all right?
DR. HORRIBLE
Hold on, we’ll...
PENNY
It’s ok. It’s ok. Captain Hammer will save us...
DR. HORRIBLE
Penny?!?

"Everything You Ever (Finale)"
PRESS
Dr. Horrible, why’d you kill her?
Dr. Horrible, was this all part of your plan?
Dr. Horrible, over here. Why’d you do it Dr. Horrible?
DR. HORRIBLE
HERE LIES EVERYTHING
THE WORLD I WANTED AT MY FEET
MY VICTORY’S COMPLETE
SO HAIL TO THE KING
CHORUS
(EVERYTHING YOU EVER...)
DR. HORRIBLE
ARISE AND SING
SO YOUR WORLD’S BENIGN
SO YOU THINK JUSTICE HAS A VOICE
AND WE ALL HAVE A CHOICE
WELL NOW YOUR WORLD IS MINE
CHORUS
(EVERYTHING YOU EVER...)
DR. HORRIBLE
AND I AM FINE
CAPTAIN HAMMER
Right here, In my heart and it hurts inside...

(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 28.

DR. HORRIBLE
NOW THE NIGHTMARE’S REAL
NOW DR. HORRIBLE IS HERE
TO MAKE YOU QUAKE WITH FEAR
TO MAKE THE WHOLE WORLD KNEEL
CHORUS
EVERYTHING YOU EVER...
DR. HORRIBLE
AND I WON’T FEEL
Blog # 5
A thing.

Genres: ["Superhero","Comedy","Musical"]

Summary Dr. Horrible contemplates joining the Evil League of Evil and assassination to gain entry. Captain Hammer reveals plans for a new homeless shelter. Dr. Horrible contemplates his plans while Penny shows gratitude for the help the new shelter received. The scene ends with a climactic confrontation between Dr. Horrible and Captain Hammer resulting in tragedy.

Strengths "The scene is emotionally charged and climactic, as character arcs and plot points come to a head. The musical numbers add to the overall emotional impact of the scene."

Weaknesses "The scene may be difficult for some viewers due to the tragic outcome. Some plot points may have been rushed."

Critique As a screenwriting expert, I would critique the following scene as having strong dramatic tension and emotional impact. The scene effectively builds up to a tragic event with well-written dialogue and the use of contrasting characters. Dr. Horrible's villainous intentions are contrasted with his love for Penny, and Captain Hammer's bravado and disregard for warnings lead to dire consequences. The scene also has a strong visual element with the death-ray and the aftermath of the tragic event. The use of a chorus and crescendo of music adds to the emotional impact of the scene. However, the scene could benefit from more specific details about the setting and character actions to make it more visually engaging. Additionally, the scene could be improved by further developing the character motivations and relationships to strengthen the dramatic tension even more.

Suggestions One suggestion would be to add more action and physical blocking to the scene. A lot of the dialogue is just characters standing still and talking, which can be visually boring. For example, when Captain Hammer enters with his catchphrase, he could be rushing in and knocking things over in his haste. Additionally, when Penny and Dr. Horrible are speaking, they could be moving towards each other, creating tension and anticipation for the audience. Finally, there could be more visual cues to indicate the chaos and destruction that is happening around them, rather than relying solely on dialogue. This will engage the audience more and make the scene more visually dynamic.