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Scene 1 -  Tragedy at Camp Hero
EXT. MONTAUK SKY - NIGHT

We FADE UP on the night sky. Dark clouds swallow the stars.

We hear a LOW-END RUMBLE. It sounds almost like thunder, only
it is somehow more alive. Like the growl of an unseen beast.

We TILT DOWN to find...

CAMP HERO MILITARY BASE. It is an imposing cement building in
a dense forest. A LONG-RANGE SEARCH RADAR DISH rotates atop
its roof. Around and around.

Superimpose titles:

CAMP HERO. MONTAUK, NEW YORK.

OCTOBER 5. 1980.

TWO MONTHS BEFORE THE SHUTDOWN.

INT. CAMP HERO - TUNNEL SYSTEM - NIGHT

We move down a long windowless corridor.

There is a STEEL DOOR at the end.

We draw closer to this door...

And closer...

And...

WHOOM! THE DOOR SUDDENLY EXPLODES OPEN. THE HINGES SHRIEK.

A SCIENTIST staggers out into the corridor. He is gasping for
breath. A Hazmat suit melts off his body. We can see some
skin beneath; it is burned, shredded, bloody. His entire left
arm is missing. TV Calling - For educational purposes only
2.

He collapses to the floor. Twitches. Stills. Dead.

His eyes remain open. Frozen in a look of sheer terror.

We continue past him...

Moving into...

A LABORATORY.

A DOZEN MORE SCIENTISTS lie dead on the ground.

They too, are burned; many also missing limbs. Some, heads.

We survey the lab around them. There are BULKY COMPUTERS,
MYSTERIOUS ANALOG EQUIPMENT, and most striking of all:

An ISOLATION TANK, an upright metal cylinder filled with
water. A tangle of electrical wires connect this tank to...

A METAL DOOR FRAME. The door leads nowhere; there is just
empty white space behind it. The base of the door is on fire.

We watch as this fire begins to spread across the lab.

The flames grow hotter...

And hotter...

And...

HISS! FIRE SPRINKLERS kick on.
Genres: null

Summary A scientist staggers from an exploding door, his body horrifically burned and dismembered. Inside the lab, a dozen more scientists lie dead, also burned and dismembered. A large white void appears behind a metal door frame, connected to a cylinder filled with water. Fire spreads but is extinguished by sprinklers.
Strengths null
Weaknesses null

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 0


Story Content

Concept: 0

Plot: 0

Originality: 9

The scene is original in its depiction of a mysterious and dangerous military base setting, as well as the dramatic and intense imagery used to convey the sense of suspense and danger.


Character Development

Characters: 0

Character Changes: 0

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is likely survival and understanding what caused the deaths of the scientists in the laboratory. This reflects their deeper need for safety and security.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to investigate the cause of the explosion and deaths in the laboratory. This reflects the immediate challenge they are facing in the dangerous and mysterious environment of the military base.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 0

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing a dangerous and unknown threat that adds to the suspense and mystery.

High Stakes: 0

Story Forward: 0

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected and shocking events that unfold, keeping the audience on edge.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

There is a philosophical conflict evident in the scene between the pursuit of scientific knowledge and the potential dangers and consequences of that pursuit. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs about the ethics of their work and the potential risks involved.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 0

Dialogue: 0

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense and suspenseful atmosphere, as well as the mystery surrounding the events in the military base.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, contributing to its effectiveness in conveying the mysterious and dangerous atmosphere.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene effectively conveys the intense and dramatic atmosphere, following the expected format for a mystery or thriller genre.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, following the expected format for a mystery or thriller genre.


Critique
  • The scene opens with a cliche 'dark and stormy night' setting, which can come across as unoriginal and lacking in creativity.
  • The description of the scientist staggering out of the steel door and collapsing is quite graphic and may be too intense for some audiences, potentially turning them off from the story.
  • The imagery of burned and dismembered scientists may be too gruesome and could be toned down to maintain a balance between suspense and shock value.
  • The introduction of the isolation tank, metal door frame, and fire sprinklers feels disjointed and could be better integrated into the scene to create a more cohesive narrative.
  • The use of sound effects like the low-end rumble and the growl of an unseen beast adds an element of suspense, but it could be further developed to enhance the tension in the scene.
Suggestions
  • Consider starting the scene with a more unique and engaging setting to grab the audience's attention from the beginning.
  • Tone down the graphic descriptions of the scientist's injuries to make the scene more palatable for a wider audience.
  • Revisit the imagery of the burned and dismembered scientists to find a balance between creating suspense and avoiding excessive gore.
  • Integrate the elements of the isolation tank, metal door frame, and fire sprinklers more smoothly into the scene to create a seamless flow of events.
  • Further develop the use of sound effects to build tension and suspense throughout the scene, enhancing the overall atmosphere.



Scene 2 -  Dungeons and Dragons in the Basement
EXT. SUBURBAN NEIGHBORHOOD - NIGHT

HISS! LAWN SPRINKLERS kick on.

We are now in a 1980s SUBURBAN CUL-DE-SAC. Quiet. Calm.

A row of uniform houses wind up the tree-lined street;
station wagons and other family cars fill driveways; TV
sets flicker behind drawn curtains; a few dogs bark.

We hear the VOICE OF A YOUNG BOY. Dramatic, intense.

MIKE (O.S.)
Do you hear that? Listen...

We focus on a TWO-STORY HOUSE at the end of the cul-de-sac.

The mailbox reads: THE WHEELERS.

MIKE (O.S.) (CONT’D)
Something is coming...TVsomething
Calling - For educational purposes only
hungry for blood...
3.

INT. WHEELER HOUSE - MIKE’S ROOM - NIGHT

A GROUP OF BOYS, 12 years old, play DUNGEONS AND DRAGONS.

They sit in a circle, their knobby knees buried in carpet. A
map is spread out between them, along with an empty pizza
box, canned cokes, and the all-important DUNGEONS AND DRAGONS
MONSTER MANUAL.

MIKE WHEELER, 12, is the “Dungeon Master.” He is a cute moppy
haired kid, classically good looking except for a BIRTHMARK
on his left cheek.

MIKE (CONT’D)
A shadow grows on the wall behind
you... swallowing you in
darkness... it is almost here...

The other boys lean forward. Riveted. We survey them:

LUCAS CONLEY, 12, playing as a knight. He is very small but
his loud mouth more than makes up for it.

DUSTIN HENDERSON, 12, playing as a dwarf. He wears glasses,
is overweight, not quite fat, but he’ll get there someday.

WILL BYERS, 12, playing as a wizard. Soft-spoken, gentle.

WILL
...What is it?

DUSTIN
The Demogorgon?

WILL
We’re screwed if it’s the
Demogorgon --

LUCAS
It’s not the Demogorgon --

Mike waits for them to settle down. Then:

MIKE
An army of Troglodytes charge into
the chamber!

He slams SIX WINGED MINIATURES onto the map.

MIKE (CONT’D)
Their tails drum the floor. Boom!
Boom! Boom!

DUSTIN TV Calling - For educational purposes only
Troglodytes?!
4.

LUCAS
Toldja!

DUSTIN
Easy.

Mike looks over his shoulder. His eyes grow wide.

MIKE
Wait... do you hear that? Boom!
Boom! BOOM! That sound... it didn’t
come from the Troglodytes. No. It
came from something behind them...

Mike slams a LARGE TWO-HEADED MONSTER MINIATURE onto the map.

MIKE (CONT’D)
THE DEMOGORGON.

The boys stare. Shit.

LUCAS
We’re all gonna die.

MIKE
Will, your action.

Will swallows. God, he wishes it wasn’t his turn.

WILL
I -- I don’t know --

LUCAS
Fireball him --

WILL
I’d have to roll thirteen or
higher --

DUSTIN
Too risky. Cast a protection spell--

LUCAS
Don’t be a pussy! Fireball him!

DUSTIN
Protection spell -- !

MIKE
The Demogorgon is tired of your
silly human bickering. It steps
toward you. BOOM!

LUCAS TV Calling - For educational purposes only
FIREBALL HIM Will!
5.

MIKE
Another step. BOOM!

DUSTIN
Cast protection!

MIKE
It roars in anger --

LUCAS DUSTIN
Fireball -- ! Protection --

MIKE (CONT’D)
And --

WILL
FIREBALL!

Will rolls the dice. Too hard. The dice scatters to the
other side of the room. It lands in front of the bedroom
door.

LUCAS
What is it?!

WILL
I don’t know!

DUSTIN
Is it a thirteen?

WILL
I DON’T KNOW!

The boys scramble to look at the dice when --

WHOOM! The bedroom door swings open.

The boys look up to find...

KAREN WHEELER, late 30s, Mike’s mom. Short blonde hair,
conservative blouse, blue jeans hiked high above her waist.

MIKE
Mom, we’re in the middle of a
campaign -- !

KAREN
You mean the end.

She taps her watch.

KAREN (CONT’D)
Fifteen after. TV Calling - For educational purposes only
6.
Genres: ["Horror","Sci-Fi","Fantasy"]

Summary Teenage boys playing a game of Dungeons and Dragons in a basement hear a noise outside and introduce a Demogorgon into their game. They argue about their next move, but eventually resolve the conflict when Will's character casts a fireball at the Demogorgon. The scene ends when Mike's mom comes into the room and tells the boys it's time for bed.
Strengths
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Creative concept
  • Building suspense
Weaknesses
  • Lack of significant character development
  • Slight predictability in plot progression

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively sets up the tone, introduces the main characters, and establishes the conflict, keeping the audience engaged and intrigued.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of using a Dungeons and Dragons game to parallel the supernatural events happening in the story is creative and engaging, adding depth to the scene.

Plot: 8

The plot unfolds smoothly, introducing the threat of the Demogorgon and setting up the conflict that will drive the story forward.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a unique setting and situation with the Dungeons and Dragons game, offering a fresh approach to character interaction and conflict. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 7

The characters are distinct and their personalities shine through in their dialogue and actions, setting up potential character arcs.

Character Changes: 6

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the dynamics between the boys hint at potential growth and development.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to maintain control and excitement as the Dungeon Master while playing Dungeons and Dragons with his friends. This reflects his desire for leadership and creativity.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to successfully navigate the Dungeons and Dragons game and defeat the challenges presented. This reflects the immediate challenge he is facing in the game.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between the boys as they strategize against the Demogorgon creates tension and drives the scene forward.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the challenge of defeating the Demogorgon in the game creating suspense and conflict. The audience is unsure of how the boys will overcome this obstacle.

High Stakes: 7

The high stakes of facing the Demogorgon in the game mirror the larger dangers lurking in the world of the story, raising the tension and stakes for the characters.

Story Forward: 8

The scene effectively sets up the story's central conflict and propels the narrative forward, laying the groundwork for future developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in the Dungeons and Dragons game, such as the appearance of the Demogorgon miniature. The audience is kept on their toes as they wonder how the boys will overcome the challenge.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the tension between taking risks and playing it safe. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs about strategy and decision-making.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a range of emotions from fear to excitement, keeping the audience emotionally invested in the characters' journey.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is engaging, revealing character dynamics and building tension as the boys face the threat of the Demogorgon.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the dynamic character interactions, suspenseful gameplay, and the introduction of a mysterious threat. The dialogue and pacing keep the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and excitement as the boys play the Dungeons and Dragons game. The rhythm of the dialogue and action keeps the audience engaged and invested in the outcome.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings, action lines, and character dialogue. The formatting enhances the readability of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the effectiveness of the scene.


Critique
  • The transition from the intense and mysterious opening scene at Camp Hero Military Base to the suburban neighborhood feels a bit abrupt and disconnected.
  • The dialogue and actions of the boys playing Dungeons and Dragons could be more natural and realistic, as some of the lines feel forced and exaggerated.
  • The character descriptions and dynamics could be further developed to make the boys more distinct and memorable to the audience.
  • The introduction of Karen Wheeler, Mike's mom, could be smoother and more integrated into the scene, as her sudden appearance feels a bit jarring.
  • The pacing of the scene could be improved by balancing the tension and excitement of the game with the interruption by Karen Wheeler.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a smoother transition between the opening scene at Camp Hero Military Base and the suburban neighborhood to maintain the flow of the story.
  • Work on making the dialogue and actions of the boys playing Dungeons and Dragons more authentic and relatable to the audience.
  • Develop the character descriptions and dynamics of the boys further to make them more engaging and memorable.
  • Integrate Karen Wheeler's entrance into the scene more seamlessly to avoid a sudden and jarring interruption.
  • Focus on balancing the tension and excitement of the game with the introduction of Karen Wheeler to improve the pacing of the scene.



Scene 3 -  Family Discord and Hidden Crush
INT. WHEELER HOUSE - STAIRS - NIGHT

Mike chases his mom down the stairs.

MIKE
Just twenty more minutes --

KAREN
It’s a school night, Michael, and I
just put Holly to bed. You can
finish next weekend --

MIKE
That’ll ruin the flow --

KAREN
Michael --

MIKE
I’m serious, Mom! It took two weeks
to design. How was I supposed to
know it’d take seven hours -- ?

KAREN
You’ve been playing seven hours?!

They reach...

THE LIVING ROOM.

Mike’s dad, TED, 45, is watching “CHiPS.” Or trying to. The
signal is terrible; a snowstorm of static obscures the image.

He smacks the TV.

MIKE
Dad, don’t you think -- ?

TED
(not even listening)
I think you should listen to your
mother. DAGGUM PIECE OF JUNK!

He smacks the TV again. The static flares.

BACK UPSTAIRS IN MIKE’S ROOM,

Lucas, Dustin, and Will stuff belongings into backpacks.

WILL
Does the seven count?

LUCAS
It was a seven?! TV Calling - For educational purposes only
7.

Will nods.

LUCAS (CONT’D)
Did Mike see it?

Will shakes his head.

LUCAS (CONT’D)
Then it doesn’t count.

THE UPSTAIRS HALLWAY - MOMENTS LATER

Dustin and Will bound down the stairs.

Lucas doesn’t follow. He peers through a cracked door into...

NANCY WHEELER’S ROOM. This is Mike’s sister, 16, girl-next-
door pretty. She is on her bed in pajamas, a phone in hand,
fingers twisting its cord, slender legs kicked in the air.

Lucas angles himself in such a way that he can see Nancy in
the reflection of her vanity mirror.

NANCY
I know, I know, but -- I don’t
think so -- yeah, he’s cute, but --
Barb -- BARB! -- listen to me --

Nancy turns around on her bed. Spots Lucas in the mirror.

Her smile drops.

NANCY (CONT’D)
The HELL LUCAS! GET OUTTA MY ROOM!

She leaps out of bed and storms over to him.

LUCAS
I’m not in your room --

NANCY
(into phone)
One of Mike’s loser friends --

LUCAS
-- Not technically --

WHAM! Nancy slams the door.
Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

Summary Mike pleads for more gaming time, Ted struggles with the TV, and Lucas spies on Nancy, only to be discovered.
Strengths
  • Strong character development
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Effective blending of tension and humor
Weaknesses
  • Lack of significant plot progression
  • Limited emotional depth

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively blends tension, humor, and conflict to create an engaging and relatable moment.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of kids playing D&D while dealing with parental interruptions is fresh and entertaining, adding depth to the characters and their relationships.

Plot: 7

The plot advances as the kids prepare to leave and the conflict with the parents escalates, setting up potential future conflicts and resolutions.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces familiar family dynamics in a fresh and engaging way, with authentic character actions and dialogue that feel true to life.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed, each with their own distinct personalities and motivations, leading to engaging interactions and conflicts.

Character Changes: 6

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the interactions set the stage for potential growth and development in future scenes.

Internal Goal: 8

Mike's internal goal is to finish playing his game, which reflects his desire for autonomy and control over his own time and activities.

External Goal: 7

Mike's external goal is to convince his mom to let him finish playing his game, reflecting the immediate challenge of balancing his personal interests with family responsibilities.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between the kids and their parents, as well as the internal conflicts within the group of friends, creates tension and drives the scene forward.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting goals and motivations driving the characters' interactions and creating obstacles to overcome.

High Stakes: 6

While the stakes are not incredibly high in this scene, the conflicts and relationships established have the potential to impact the characters' lives in significant ways.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by establishing conflicts and relationships that will likely impact future events.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected reactions and twists in the characters' interactions, keeping the audience on their toes.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the clash between Mike's desire for personal freedom and his mom's concern for his well-being and responsibilities. This challenges Mike's beliefs about the importance of his own time and priorities.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene elicits a range of emotions, from frustration to humor, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the characters.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is sharp, witty, and reveals a lot about the characters' relationships and dynamics.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the fast-paced dialogue, relatable family dynamics, and escalating conflicts between characters.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the characters' conflicts and motivations.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene follows standard formatting conventions for a screenplay, making it easy to read and understand.

Structure: 9

The scene follows a clear structure with well-defined character arcs and conflicts, effectively building tension and momentum.


Critique
  • The scene starts with a strong conflict between Mike and his mom, Karen, regarding his desire to continue playing his game for just twenty more minutes. This conflict adds tension and sets up the dynamic between the characters.
  • The dialogue between Mike and Karen feels authentic and realistic, showcasing the frustration and passion Mike has for his game and the exasperation Karen feels as a parent trying to enforce rules.
  • The introduction of Ted, Mike's dad, adds another layer to the scene with his frustration over the TV signal, but his character could be further developed to have a more active role in the conflict.
  • The transition from the stairs to the living room is smooth and helps to establish the setting and the family dynamic within the household.
  • The interaction between Lucas, Dustin, and Will upstairs adds depth to their characters and hints at their friendship dynamics, but could be further expanded to show more of their personalities.
  • The moment where Lucas peers into Nancy's room through the cracked door adds intrigue and sets up a potential conflict with Nancy, but the resolution feels a bit abrupt and could be further developed.
  • The dialogue and actions in Nancy's room with Lucas create tension and conflict, but the scene could benefit from more subtlety and nuance in their interaction.
  • Overall, the scene effectively sets up multiple conflicts and character dynamics, but could be improved by further developing the characters and their relationships.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more depth to Ted's character and his role in the conflict between Mike and Karen.
  • Expand on the interaction between Lucas, Dustin, and Will to further establish their friendship dynamics.
  • Develop the conflict between Lucas and Nancy in a more nuanced and subtle way to create a more engaging interaction.
  • Add layers to the dialogue and actions in Nancy's room to increase tension and intrigue.
  • Continue to build on the established conflicts and character dynamics to create a more compelling and engaging scene.



Scene 4 -  Nancy Knows Lucas's Name
EXT./INT THE WHEELERS GARAGE - NIGHT

Lucas explodes into the garage. Excited.

LUCAS TV Calling - For educational purposes only
She knows my name!
8.

Dustin and Will are mounting bikes; Mike is seeing them off.

WILL
Who -- ?

LUCAS
NANCY!

MIKE
I’m not listening to this --

DUSTIN
She’s got a boyfriend now --

LUCAS
Does not --

DUSTIN
Does too --

Mike covers his ears.

MIKE
NOT listening --

WILL
Dustin’s right. I’ve seen her
hanging around that Steve guy --

MIKE
NOT LISTENING --

LUCAS
Steve Harrington? He’s cool --

DUSTIN
She’s cool. You lost your chance.
Should’ve gone for her when she had
braces and no boobs.

LUCAS
I’m playing the long game.

DUSTIN
Oh, yeah, I’m sure a growth spurt
will really do it for you, Lucas...

The boys bike out of the garage, arguing as they go. Mike
takes his hands off his ears. He can’t help but smile. Then:

BZZZZZ. The light above him begins to flicker. Strange.

Mike switches it off and heads back inside.
TV Calling - For educational purposes only
We return our gaze to the light.
9.

It sputters back on. And...
Genres: ["Fantasy","Coming of Age","Horror"]

Summary Lucas excitedly shares that Nancy knows his name. Despite trying to stay aloof, Mike is intrigued when the light above him begins to flicker mysteriously.
Strengths
  • Authentic dialogue
  • Strong character dynamics
  • Effective blending of genres
Weaknesses
  • Limited external conflict
  • Low immediate stakes

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively captures the essence of childhood friendships and the excitement of playing games while hinting at darker events happening in the background, creating a compelling contrast.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of blending fantasy role-playing with suburban life and mysterious occurrences is intriguing and well-executed.

Plot: 7

The plot revolves around the boys playing Dungeons and Dragons while hinting at underlying tensions and mysteries, setting up future conflicts and developments.

Originality: 7

The scene introduces familiar teenage dynamics and crushes but adds a twist with the flickering light and mysterious atmosphere. The characters' dialogue feels authentic and relatable.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-defined through their interactions and dialogue, showcasing their personalities and dynamics within the group.

Character Changes: 6

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the dynamics among the characters hint at potential growth and development.

Internal Goal: 8

Lucas's internal goal in this scene is to impress his friends and maintain his cool demeanor, despite the teasing about his crush on Nancy. This reflects his desire for acceptance and validation from his peers.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to interact with his friends and engage in playful banter. This reflects the immediate circumstances of their hangout in the garage.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

The conflict is mainly internal and relational, setting the stage for future external conflicts.

Opposition: 6

The opposition in the scene is mild, with playful banter and teasing among friends, adding a light conflict to the dialogue.

High Stakes: 5

The stakes are relatively low in this scene, but the hints of darker events in the background suggest higher stakes to come.

Story Forward: 7

The scene sets up future events and conflicts, moving the story forward while maintaining a focus on character relationships.

Unpredictability: 7

The scene is unpredictable in terms of character interactions and the mysterious element of the flickering light, keeping the audience intrigued.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the characters' differing views on relationships and maturity. Lucas believes in playing the 'long game' while Dustin and Will tease him about his crush on Nancy.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a sense of nostalgia and camaraderie, with hints of underlying tension adding depth.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is natural and engaging, reflecting the banter and camaraderie among the boys.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to the witty banter, relatable character dynamics, and hints of mystery with the flickering light.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective, balancing dialogue with action and building tension with the flickering light.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to standard screenplay format, making it easy to follow the character interactions and dialogue.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a typical structure for a character-driven dialogue scene, with clear interactions and character dynamics.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear focus or purpose, as it jumps between different conversations and interactions without a central conflict or resolution.
  • The dialogue feels forced and unnatural, with the boys arguing in a way that doesn't feel authentic for their age group.
  • The character dynamics are unclear, as it's not established why Lucas being known by Nancy is significant or why Mike is so resistant to the conversation.
  • The transition from the previous scene to this one is abrupt and disjointed, making it difficult for the audience to follow the narrative flow.
  • The scene lacks depth and emotional resonance, as the interactions between the boys feel superficial and lack meaningful impact.
Suggestions
  • Focus on developing a central conflict or theme for the scene to revolve around, such as the boys' friendship dynamics or their individual insecurities.
  • Work on making the dialogue more natural and age-appropriate for the characters, capturing the essence of how 12-year-old boys would interact and communicate.
  • Clarify the significance of Lucas being known by Nancy and why it matters to the overall story, providing context and depth to the character relationships.
  • Smooth out the transition between scenes to ensure a seamless flow of the narrative, allowing the audience to stay engaged and connected to the story.
  • Add emotional depth and character development to the interactions between the boys, exploring their vulnerabilities, fears, and desires to create a more compelling and relatable scene.



Scene 5 -  Race to Dustin's House
EXT. MONTAUK NEIGHBORHOOD - NIGHT

WHOOSH! The boys bike home.

Their handlebar lights wink in the night. And good thing,
because it’s dark out here, as in, very dark. Montauk is
coastal, but it’s more akin to living out in the country.

Lucas peels off from the group.

LUCAS
See ya, ladies.

DUSTIN
Kiss your mom ‘night for me.

Lucas flips him the bird and bikes up a driveway towards his
TWO-STORY HOUSE. Almost identical to Mike’s, a little larger.

Will and Dustin bike on in silence for a beat, then:

DUSTIN (CONT’D)
Race to my place? Loser gets a
comic?

WILL
Any comic?

DUSTIN
Yeah --

Will has heard enough. He starts pedaling. Fast.

DUSTIN (CONT’D)
Shit!

Dustin pedals in pursuit. But he’s already behind. And...

A FEW MINUTES LATER.

Will whizzes past a house at the far end of neighborhood.

He waves at Dustin. Now fifty yards back.

WILL
I’ll take your X-Men Uncanny two-
six-nine!

Dustin stops. Out-of-breath.

DUSTIN
(really bummed) TV Calling - For educational purposes only
...Man.
10.
Genres: ["Adventure","Fantasy","Coming of Age"]

Summary In the darkness of Montauk, Will and Dustin engage in a friendly race to Dustin's home, with Will emerging victorious and claiming Dustin's X-Men comic as a prize.
Strengths
  • Natural dialogue
  • Character dynamics
  • Establishing relationships
Weaknesses
  • Low emotional impact
  • Limited external conflict

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively establishes the camaraderie and competitiveness among the group of friends, setting up future conflicts and character development.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a late-night bike race after an intense game of Dungeons and Dragons adds depth to the characters and sets the stage for future adventures.

Plot: 7

The plot focuses on the boys' interactions and dynamics, setting up potential conflicts and character arcs.

Originality: 8

The scene offers a fresh take on a classic childhood competition trope, infusing it with humor and character dynamics that feel authentic and relatable. The dialogue and actions of the characters are original and engaging, adding depth to the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-defined through their dialogue and actions, showcasing their individual personalities and relationships within the group.

Character Changes: 5

While there are subtle hints at character growth and dynamics, significant changes are not yet apparent in this scene.

Internal Goal: 8

Will's internal goal in this scene is to prove himself and assert his superiority over Dustin through a friendly competition. This reflects his desire for validation and recognition among his friends.

External Goal: 7

Will's external goal is to win the race to Dustin's place and claim the comic book prize. This goal reflects the immediate challenge he faces in the scene.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

The conflict is primarily internal, with the boys navigating their relationships and dynamics, setting the stage for potential external conflicts.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, as Will and Dustin engage in a competitive race that tests their friendship and skills. The audience is kept on their toes, unsure of the outcome until the end.

High Stakes: 5

The stakes are relatively low in this scene, focusing more on character interactions and relationships.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by establishing the characters' relationships and dynamics, setting the stage for future events.

Unpredictability: 7

The scene is unpredictable in terms of the race outcome, as the audience is unsure of who will win until the final moments. This adds tension and excitement to the scene.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the value of competition and friendship. Will and Dustin engage in a race that tests their friendship dynamics and competitive spirit.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The scene evokes a sense of nostalgia and camaraderie, but the emotional impact is not overly intense.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is natural and reflective of the boys' age and personalities, adding depth to the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its relatable characters, playful dialogue, and suspenseful race sequence that keeps the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a gradual build-up of tension and excitement as the boys race towards the finish line. The rhythm of the scene enhances its effectiveness and keeps the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene is well-formatted and adheres to the expected format for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions that enhance the visual storytelling.

Structure: 9

The scene follows a clear and engaging structure that builds tension and momentum as the boys race towards the finish line. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness and keep the audience invested in the outcome.


Critique
  • The scene lacks depth and substance, feeling more like a filler moment rather than contributing to the overall story or character development.
  • The dialogue between the boys feels forced and lacks authenticity, making it difficult for the audience to connect with the characters.
  • There is a missed opportunity to explore the dynamics between the boys further, such as their friendship, fears, or motivations.
  • The scene could benefit from more descriptive language to create a stronger sense of atmosphere and setting.
  • The interaction between Will and Dustin could be more engaging and meaningful to add depth to their relationship.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more meaningful dialogue that reveals character traits, relationships, or conflicts.
  • Explore the emotions and thoughts of the boys as they bike home, adding layers to their personalities.
  • Introduce elements that tie back to the main plot or themes of the screenplay to make the scene more relevant.
  • Enhance the setting description to create a vivid picture in the reader's mind and set the tone for the scene.
  • Focus on character development and interactions to make the scene more engaging and impactful.



Scene 6 -  Encounter in the Forest
EXT. FOREST ROAD - LATER

Will is now biking along an empty forest road. All alone.

He lives much further out than the rest of his friends. It is
even darker out here and quiet; unnervingly so. Only the
sound of cicadas and a gentle breeze to keep him company.

He bikes past a LARGE METAL FENCE. A warning sign reads:

AUTHORIZED VEHICLES ONLY. NO TRESPASSING.

We’re near Camp Hero.

Will suddenly notices something strange: the hair on the back
of his arms is standing straight up. It’s like he’s in the
middle of a massive electrical storm. And perhaps he is...

A LOW-END RUMBLE reverberates above him. He looks up.

Sees nothing but darkness. Clouds over the moon.

He looks back down. His eyes shoot wide.

A TALL FIGURE STANDS IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD.

Will spins the wheel -- loses control --

He veers off the road --

And explodes into --

THE FOREST.

The bike flies down a steep hill and --

CRASHES. Will flies off the bike. He skids, rolls, eats dirt.
As he lies there on the ground, gasping for air, he hears:

STRANGE GUTTURAL SOUNDS. COMING FROM BEHIND HIM.

He pushes to his feet and turns to the sound.

Foliage shudders. The sounds grow. Something is coming.

Will abandons his bike --

And runs.
Genres: ["Horror","Thriller","Adventure"]

Summary Will, riding home alone late at night, encounters a tall figure on an empty forest road, causing him to crash into the forest and flee from strange guttural sounds.
Strengths
  • Building tension
  • Creating a mysterious atmosphere
  • Setting up a thrilling chase sequence
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development
  • Dialogue could be more impactful

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene effectively builds tension, introduces a mysterious element, and sets up a thrilling chase, keeping the audience engaged and on the edge of their seats.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of a young boy encountering a mysterious figure near a military base and being chased through a dark forest is intriguing and sets up a compelling storyline.

Plot: 8

The plot advances as the protagonist encounters a strange figure, leading to a chase through the forest, adding suspense and mystery to the overall narrative.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh and intriguing situation with the protagonist encountering a mysterious figure in a dark forest, setting the stage for a suspenseful and thrilling narrative. The authenticity of the character's actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 7

While the focus is primarily on the protagonist, Will, the scene could benefit from further development of the supporting characters to enhance the emotional impact and depth of the story.

Character Changes: 6

While the protagonist undergoes a physical and emotional challenge by encountering the mysterious figure, more significant character development and growth could be explored in future scenes.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is survival and self-preservation. He is faced with a sudden and unexpected threat, and his actions reflect his instinct to protect himself and escape from danger.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to escape from the tall figure and the unknown danger lurking in the forest. His immediate challenge is to navigate the unfamiliar terrain and find safety.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict is high as the protagonist encounters a mysterious figure and is forced to flee, creating tension and driving the narrative forward.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing a mysterious and dangerous figure in the dark forest, as well as unknown threats and obstacles that challenge his survival instincts. The audience is left uncertain about the outcome and the protagonist's fate.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high as the protagonist faces a dangerous situation near a military base, adding urgency and suspense to the scene.

Story Forward: 9

The scene effectively moves the story forward by introducing a mysterious element, escalating the conflict, and setting up future events, keeping the audience engaged and eager to see what happens next.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because it introduces unexpected elements and twists, such as the appearance of the tall figure and the strange guttural sounds in the forest. The audience is kept guessing about the nature of the threat and the protagonist's fate.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the protagonist's fear of the unknown and his instinct for self-preservation. He is forced to confront his fears and make split-second decisions that could determine his fate.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes fear, tension, and excitement, but could further enhance emotional impact by delving deeper into the protagonist's emotions and reactions.

Dialogue: 6

The dialogue serves its purpose in moving the scene forward and establishing character dynamics, but could be more impactful and memorable with stronger exchanges.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it effectively builds suspense and tension, drawing the audience into the protagonist's harrowing experience and creating a sense of urgency and danger. The mysterious elements and unexpected twists keep the audience on the edge of their seats.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, with a gradual escalation of danger and urgency as the protagonist faces unexpected threats and obstacles. The rhythm of the scene keeps the audience engaged and invested in the protagonist's harrowing experience.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a suspenseful thriller genre, with clear scene descriptions and action lines that enhance the visual storytelling. The formatting helps to maintain the suspense and tension throughout the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a suspenseful thriller genre, with a gradual buildup of tension and a climactic moment of danger and suspense. The pacing and formatting contribute to the effectiveness of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene effectively sets a tense and suspenseful atmosphere with the dark forest road, the warning sign, and the strange occurrences that Will experiences.
  • The use of sensory details such as the hair on the back of Will's arms standing up and the strange guttural sounds adds to the eerie and mysterious tone of the scene.
  • The introduction of a tall figure standing in the middle of the road creates a sense of imminent danger and sets up a compelling cliffhanger for the audience.
  • The action of Will losing control of his bike and crashing into the forest adds a sense of urgency and danger to the scene, keeping the audience engaged.
  • The use of short, impactful sentences and vivid imagery effectively conveys the escalating tension and fear that Will is experiencing in this moment.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more internal thoughts or emotions for Will to further develop his character and allow the audience to connect with him on a deeper level.
  • Explore the possibility of incorporating more foreshadowing or hints about the mysterious figure in earlier scenes to build anticipation and intrigue leading up to this moment.
  • Think about adding a subtle hint or clue about the nature of the strange guttural sounds to create a sense of mystery and suspense that will keep the audience guessing.
  • Consider adding a brief moment of reflection or realization for Will after he abandons his bike and starts running to further highlight his fear and determination in the face of the unknown threat.
  • Experiment with different ways to visually depict the strange guttural sounds and the approaching danger to enhance the suspense and intensity of the scene.



Scene 7 -  Night Terror
EXT. MONTAUK BEACH -- NIGHT

Will bursts out onto the beach.

The wind whips his clothes. Waves
TV crash
Callingthe shore.
- For Roaring.
educational purposes only
11.

MOMENTS LATER.

He races up a dune toward a house. His house.

It is small, lower class, and falling apart after decades of
abuse from the battering ocean winds. But it offers safety.

INT. THE BYERS HOUSE -- NIGHT

Will slams the door shut behind him and bolts the lock.

A shaggy mutt, CHESTER, races to greet him.

Will ignores him, calls for his family.

WILL
MOM?! JONATHAN?! MOM?!

There is no answer.

He checks his MOM’S BEDROOM. His BROTHER’S BEDROOM.

No one is home. He is all alone.

INT. THE BYERS HOUSE - LIVING ROOM

Will scrambles back to the living room window.

He cups his hands to the glass and peers out into the yard.

It is dark. Murky. Quiet. A gust of wind blows and...

Day-old laundry flutters on a clothes line to reveal...

THAT FIGURE AGAIN. JUST STANDING THERE AMONGST THE BILLOWING
LAUNDRY. WE CAN’T MAKE OUT ANY FEATURES, BUT ITS PROPORTIONS
SEEM... OFF. ITS HEAD IS TOO LARGE. ITS ARMS TOO LONG. ITS
BODY SWOLEN AND BENT IN A STRANGE, TWISTED SHAPE.

Another gust of wind. The clothes flutters again and...

The Figure is gone.

Will pales. His heart in his throat.
Genres: ["Horror","Thriller","Mystery"]

Summary Will, startled by noises and a strange figure in the woods, races home to find it empty. Alone and terrified, he peers out the window to see the figure reappear, only to vanish in the wind. Will remains alone and petrified as the mysterious presence disappears.
Strengths
  • Effective atmosphere building
  • Compelling mystery setup
  • Strong emotional impact
Weaknesses
  • Underdeveloped secondary characters
  • Limited dialogue depth

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively creates a suspenseful and eerie atmosphere, keeping the audience engaged and intrigued. The use of descriptive language and visual imagery enhances the sense of fear and isolation experienced by the character.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a mysterious figure lurking in the darkness of a beach at night is intriguing and sets up a compelling mystery for the audience. The scene effectively conveys a sense of fear and suspense through its setting and descriptions.

Plot: 7

The plot of the scene revolves around Will encountering a mysterious figure outside his house, leading to a sense of fear and isolation. The scene effectively sets up a mystery that propels the story forward.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh take on the familiar trope of a character facing a mysterious threat in their own home. The authenticity of the protagonist's actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 6

While the focus is primarily on Will and his sense of fear and isolation, the other characters are briefly mentioned but not fully developed in this scene.

Character Changes: 5

Will experiences a shift in his emotions from curiosity to fear and isolation as he encounters the mysterious figure outside his house. This change in his emotional state adds depth to his character.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to find his family and ensure their safety. This reflects his deeper need for connection and security, as well as his fear of being alone in a dangerous situation.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to protect himself and his family from the mysterious figure lurking outside. This reflects the immediate challenge of facing a potential threat in his own home.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict in the scene arises from Will's encounter with the mysterious figure outside his house, leading to a sense of fear and tension. The presence of the unknown entity creates a sense of danger and uncertainty.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the mysterious figure outside creating a sense of threat and uncertainty that keeps the audience on edge.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are high in the scene as Will faces a mysterious and potentially dangerous entity outside his house. The sense of fear and uncertainty raises the stakes and creates tension for the audience.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing a mysterious element that propels the plot and creates intrigue for the audience. It sets up a compelling mystery that drives the narrative forward.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected appearance of the mysterious figure and the protagonist's uncertain response to the threat.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the protagonist's struggle between the desire for safety and the fear of the unknown. The mysterious figure represents a threat that challenges his beliefs about security and control.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a strong emotional response from the audience through its eerie atmosphere, sense of fear, and isolation experienced by the character. The mysterious figure adds to the emotional impact of the scene.

Dialogue: 5

The dialogue in the scene serves mainly to convey information and move the plot forward. It lacks depth and emotional impact but effectively sets the tone for the eerie atmosphere.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it creates a sense of mystery and danger, drawing the audience into the protagonist's emotional journey and the unfolding threat.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds suspense and tension, with a gradual escalation of the protagonist's fear and the looming danger outside.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 7

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for a suspenseful nighttime sequence, with clear scene headings and descriptive action lines.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, following a logical progression from the protagonist's arrival at the house to the discovery of the mysterious figure outside.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension and suspense as Will races home in a state of panic, creating a sense of urgency and fear.
  • The description of the Byers house as small, lower class, and falling apart after decades of abuse from the ocean winds adds to the atmosphere of the scene.
  • The use of Chester, the shaggy mutt, as a familiar element in the otherwise eerie setting helps to ground the audience in Will's world.
  • The visual description of the mysterious figure standing amongst the billowing laundry is chilling and effectively conveys a sense of unease and dread.
  • The scene effectively leaves the audience with a sense of foreboding as the figure disappears, leaving Will alone and terrified.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more internal thoughts or emotions for Will to further connect the audience with his fear and desperation.
  • Explore incorporating more sensory details to enhance the atmosphere, such as the sound of the wind, the smell of the ocean, or the feel of the sand beneath Will's feet.
  • Perhaps delve deeper into Will's relationship with his family to heighten the stakes and emotional impact of him being alone in the house.
  • Consider adding a subtle hint or clue about the mysterious figure to intrigue the audience and build anticipation for future scenes.
  • Ensure that the pacing of the scene remains consistent to maintain the tension and suspense throughout.



Scene 8 -  Panic in the Shed
INT. KITCHEN - MOMENTS LATER

Will rips a phone off the kitchen wall. Dials 911. But --

It does not ring. Just hums with LOW-END STATIC.

WILL
Hello?! HELLO -- ?!
TV Calling - For educational purposes only
12.

Will pauses. He hears something on the other line. But not a
voice... it is that GUTTURAL SOUND he heard in the forest.
The pitch rises and falls, making a series of strange sounds.
Words? It is as if the figure... whoever... whatever it is...
is somehow speaking to him through the phone receiver.

Behind him, Chester begins to GROWL at the front door.

Will lowers the phone. And looks back at the door.

A SHADOW fills the crack at the base of the door.

And then somehow, impossibly, the chain bolt begins to slide
open, as if drawn by an invisible hand. The metal SHRIEKS.

Will drops the phone and --

EXT. BYERS HOUSE - NIGHT

WHOOM! Will explodes out the back screen door.

He sprints into an OLD WOODEN SHED and --

INT. SHED - MOMENTS LATER

WHAM! He slams the shed doors behind him. Breathing hard.

His eyes dart. Searching for something.

The shed is cluttered and dark, lit only by a NAKED LIGHT
BULB, hanging from the ceiling. The bulb buzzes, flickers.

At last he spots it:

AN OLD REMINGTON RIFLE. DUSTY. HANGING ON A WALL MOUNT.

Will yanks it down, retrieves a few AMMO SHELLS from a work
bench, and loads the rifle as fast as he can, which isn’t
very fast at all; he is so scared his hands sweat and shake.

THUD. THUD. THUD. HEAVY FOOTSTEPS ECHO. THEN GUTTURAL NOISES.

Will looks back to the shed doors. They shudder and moan.

And then, slowly... ever slowly... they begin to yawn open.

Will finishes loading the rifle. He snaps the chamber shut
and aims it at the door. The rifle trembles in his hands.

The shed doors slowly yawn open the rest of way.

It... whatever it is... enters the shed.

We still do not show it in full,TVbut we catch
Calling - For glimpses
educationalofpurposes
it only
in the flickering light. Misshapen, withered, pale, slick.
13.

Will doesn’t fire. He just stares. Paralyzed by fear.

The hairs on his arms stand up again.

His ears begin to drip blood.

And then his nose.

He fights tears.

WILL
...P-please --

A HIGH-PITCHED SHRIEKING SOUND SUDDENLY FILLS THE SHED.

WE DON’T SEE WHAT HAPPENS TO WILL; WE JUST WATCH THAT NAKED
DANGLING LIGHT BULB. IT GLOWS BRIGHTER AND BRIGHTER AND
BRIGHTER, FILLING THE SHED WITH OVERWHELMING WHITE LIGHT. WE
THINK THE GLASS OF THE BULB IS GOING TO SHATTER BUT THEN --

The TERRIBLE SHRIEKING sound abruptly stops.

The bulb dims. Returning to normal wattage.

We pull away from the light.

The shed is empty.

Will has vanished.

END ACT ONE




TV Calling - For educational purposes only
14.

ACT TWO
Genres: ["Horror","Thriller","Mystery"]

Summary Trapped in a shed, Will faces an unseen creature. Despite having a rifle, fear paralyzes him as the creature enters, and he vanishes amidst a blinding light.
Strengths
  • Building tension
  • Creating a sense of dread
  • Mysterious atmosphere
Weaknesses
  • Minimal dialogue
  • Lack of visual depiction of the entity

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene effectively builds tension and fear through its atmospheric descriptions and the mysterious disappearance of the protagonist, leaving the audience on edge.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of a supernatural entity communicating through sounds and causing the protagonist to vanish is intriguing and well-executed, adding depth to the horror elements of the scene.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene focuses on the protagonist's terrifying encounter with a mysterious entity and his subsequent disappearance, driving the tension and fear forward effectively.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the horror genre by blending elements of mystery, suspense, and psychological fear. The authenticity of Will's actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 7

While the focus is more on the situation and the supernatural entity, the protagonist's fear and desperation are palpable, adding emotional depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 7

The protagonist undergoes a significant change from fear to desperation as he confronts the mysterious entity, adding depth to his character.

Internal Goal: 8

Will's internal goal in this scene is survival and overcoming his fear. His deeper need is to protect himself and find a way to escape the unknown threat he is facing.

External Goal: 7

Will's external goal is to defend himself against the mysterious entity that is approaching him in the shed.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between the protagonist and the mysterious entity, as well as the internal conflict of fear and desperation, creates a high level of tension and suspense.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Will facing a formidable and unknown threat that adds to the suspense and uncertainty.

High Stakes: 9

The high stakes are established through the protagonist's life-threatening encounter with the mysterious entity, creating a sense of danger and urgency.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing a supernatural threat and raising the stakes for the protagonist, setting up further developments in the plot.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unknown nature of the threat Will is facing and the unexpected twist at the end.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the struggle between fear and courage. Will must confront his deepest fears and find the strength to fight back against the unknown threat.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes fear and anxiety in the audience, drawing them into the protagonist's terrifying experience and leaving a lasting emotional impact.

Dialogue: 6

The dialogue is minimal but serves to heighten the tension and fear, especially with the guttural sounds and the protagonist's plea for mercy.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense atmosphere, suspenseful pacing, and the sense of impending danger.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience on edge and engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of the scene is clear and follows the expected format for a horror/thriller genre.

Structure: 9

The scene follows a well-paced and structured format, building tension and suspense effectively.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension and suspense through the use of eerie sounds, visual cues, and Will's escalating fear.
  • The introduction of the mysterious figure and the supernatural elements add depth to the storyline and keep the audience engaged.
  • The use of sensory details like the buzzing light bulb, dripping blood, and high-pitched shrieking sound enhances the atmosphere of fear and dread.
  • The scene effectively conveys Will's sense of helplessness and vulnerability in the face of the unknown threat.
  • The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a gradual buildup of tension leading to a climactic moment of Will's disappearance.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more dialogue or internal monologue for Will to further explore his emotions and thoughts in this intense situation.
  • Provide more context or hints about the nature of the mysterious figure to intrigue the audience and set up future developments in the plot.
  • Explore the aftermath of Will's disappearance in more detail to show the impact on the other characters and further develop the suspense.
  • Consider incorporating visual cues or symbolism to foreshadow future events and deepen the thematic elements of the story.
  • Continue to build on the supernatural elements introduced in this scene to maintain the intrigue and mystery throughout the screenplay.



Scene 9 -  Hopper's Dreary Morning
INT. HOPPER’S HOUSE - MORNING

BEEEEEEEE! An ALARM CLOCK blasts.

A hand smashes it, shutting it up. The hand belongs to:

JIM HOPPER, or “HOP,” early 40s. He is sprawled on a sofa,
shirtless, wearing only a pair of worn Levi jeans. His house
is a mess, cluttered with beer bottles, cigarette butts, and
plastic vials.

A LOCAL NEWSMAN drones on a dusty eight-inch TV:

NEWS ANCHORMAN
...reports of surges and outages
across the county... we reached out
to Public Service and Gas and...

Hop sits up. A RAY OF SUN slices through blinds. Strikes him.

He squints. Grimaces. Hungover.

EXT. HOPPER’S HOUSE - MORNING

Hopper steps out onto a decrepit porch. Drags on a cigarette.

His shack-like house is perched on the shore of the beach.
The beach is deserted now; tourist season has come and gone.
It’s a bit lonely out here. But damn if it isn’t beautiful.

Hop rubs his arms. Getting cold now. Enough beauty for now.

He flicks his cigarette to the sand.

INT. HOPPER’S HOUSE - BATHROOM - A LITTLE LATER

Hopper studies his stubble in the mirror.

Considers shaving. Doesn’t.

MOMENTS LATER

Hopper pops open a PLASTIC VIAL labeled TUINAL.

He shakes out two capsules. Red and blue.

Scoops a mouthful of water. Washes them down.
Genres: null

Summary Hopper wakes up hungover in his messy house. He goes outside to smoke a cigarette and admires the view of the beach. He returns inside and considers shaving, but decides against it. He takes two Tuinal capsules with a mouthful of water.
Strengths null
Weaknesses null

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 0


Story Content

Concept: 0

Plot: 0

Originality: 9

The scene demonstrates a level of originality through its fresh approach to depicting a character's internal and external conflicts in a gritty and atmospheric setting. The authenticity of the character's actions and dialogue adds depth to the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 0

Character Changes: 0

Internal Goal: 8

Jim Hopper's internal goal in this scene is to cope with his hangover and the loneliness of his surroundings. His actions and expressions reflect his struggle with his personal demons and the need to find some solace in his current situation.

External Goal: 6

Jim Hopper's external goal in this scene is to start his day and face the challenges ahead, as indicated by his morning routine and decision to take medication. It reflects his immediate circumstances of living in a rundown house and dealing with the aftermath of tourist season.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 0

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create conflict and tension, with the character facing internal and external challenges that drive the narrative forward.

High Stakes: 0

Story Forward: 0

Unpredictability: 6

This scene is unpredictable because it introduces conflicting elements of beauty and loneliness, leaving the audience uncertain about the character's emotional journey and future actions.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the juxtaposition of beauty and loneliness in Hopper's surroundings. The beauty of the beach and the solitude of the deserted town challenge his beliefs and values, highlighting his internal struggle.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 0

Dialogue: 0

Engagement: 7

This scene is engaging because it immerses the audience in the character's internal struggles and the atmospheric setting, creating a sense of intrigue and emotional depth.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by gradually building tension and emotion, allowing the audience to connect with the character's struggles and the atmospheric setting.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings, descriptions, and character actions. It enhances the readability and flow of the screenplay.

Structure: 8

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre by establishing the setting, introducing the character, and setting up the internal and external conflicts. The pacing and rhythm contribute to its effectiveness.


Critique
  • The scene opens with a cliche alarm clock blasting, which is a common trope in screenwriting and may not add much originality to the scene.
  • The description of Hopper's messy house cluttered with beer bottles, cigarette butts, and plastic vials is a bit on the nose and could be more subtly conveyed.
  • The dialogue from the news anchor on the TV feels generic and doesn't add much to the scene or character development.
  • The visual of the sun slicing through the blinds and striking Hopper is a nice touch, but could be enhanced with more sensory details to immerse the audience in the setting.
  • The decision for Hopper to consider shaving but ultimately not could be a metaphor for his internal conflict or state of mind, but it needs to be more clearly conveyed to the audience.
Suggestions
  • Consider starting the scene in a more unique or unexpected way to grab the audience's attention.
  • Find a more subtle way to convey Hopper's messy lifestyle without relying on cliched imagery.
  • Add more depth to the dialogue on the TV to make it more relevant to the story or character.
  • Enhance the sensory details in the description of the setting to create a more immersive experience for the audience.
  • Clarify the significance of Hopper's decision to not shave to better convey his internal state or character development.



Scene 10 -  Morning Routine
INT. HOPPER’S HOUSE - BATHROOM - A LITTLE LATER

Hopper showers. Water pours down his weary face.
TV Calling - For educational purposes only
15.

INT. HOPPER’S HOUSE - BEDROOM - A LITTLE LATER

Hopper dresses.

He yanks on a pair of brown pants... A matching brown
collared shirt... A belt with a holster... A 9MM GLOCK...

And lastly, he clips on a GOLD BADGE. It reads:

MONTAUK POLICE. CHIEF.

MOMENTS LATER.

Hopper heads out the door. We watch through the smudged
window as he climbs into CHEVY BLAZER POLICE CAR. Mustard
sides. Square sirens.

As he peels away, we DOLLY TOWARD a FRAMED PHOTOGRAPH hanging
on the wall. In it, a young Hopper stands with a PRETTY WIFE.

He cradles a LITTLE GIRL in his arms.

He looks like a different man.

He looks happy.

EXT. BYERS HOUSE - MORNING

Silence outside the Byers house.

The wind has died down. The laundry no longer flutters.

The shed is quiet.

INT. BYERS HOUSE - KITCHEN - MORNING

JONATHAN BYERS, 16, Will’s older brother, cooks breakfast.

He is lanky with dark hair to his shoulders. He’s quietly
handsome... but he wouldn’t believe it if you told him.

JOYCE (O.S.)
Where the fuck are they?!

His mom, JOYCE BYERS, late 30s, races past. She wears a peach
waitress uniform and too much make-up. She has a Long Island
accent, which comes out even stronger when she curses.

JOYCE (CONT’D)
Fuckfuckfuck --

JONATHAN
Check the couch.
TV Calling - For educational purposes only
Joyce does. She finds her keys under a cushion. Thank God.
16.

She snatches them up, gives Jonathan a quick peck on the
cheek, and races for the door, only to pause at the last
second. She turns back to Jonathan.

JOYCE
-- Will? Where’s Will?

JONATHAN
Sleeping I guess.

JOYCE
You gotta make sure he’s up,
Jonathan, how many times -- ?!

JONATHAN
I’m making breakfast --

JOYCE
And I work two jobs. Only one if
I’m late again.

Joyce storms to Will’s room. Ranting as she goes.

JOYCE (CONT’D)
Then how will we pay the bills?!
You think you can feed this family
working two nights a week at a
movie house? We’ll be out on the
goddamn street--
Genres: ["Drama","Mystery","Thriller"]

Summary Hopper reminisces about the past, reflecting on his solitude. Meanwhile, Joyce rushes around, stressed and frantic as she prepares for work. Jonathan, calm and responsible, makes breakfast while Joyce searches for her keys. The scene captures the different emotional states of the characters and the contrasting tones of their morning routines.
Strengths
  • Effective establishment of tone and tension
  • Compelling introduction of central conflicts
  • Realistic dialogue that reveals character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Some cliched elements in the family dynamics
  • Lack of significant character development in this scene

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively establishes the tone and tension, introduces key characters, and sets up the central conflict of Will's disappearance. The dialogue is engaging and reveals important information about the characters.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a family struggling with financial issues while dealing with a mysterious disappearance is compelling and sets up intriguing storylines. The scene effectively introduces these concepts and sets the stage for further development.

Plot: 8

The plot advances significantly with the introduction of Will's disappearance and the family dynamics. The conflict is established, and the stakes are raised, creating a sense of urgency and mystery.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a familiar theme of balancing personal and professional responsibilities but adds a unique twist by focusing on a small-town police chief. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 7

The characters are well-defined, especially Joyce and Jonathan, whose relationship is central to the scene. Their personalities and motivations are effectively portrayed through their actions and dialogue.

Character Changes: 6

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the dynamics between Joyce and Jonathan hint at potential growth and development as the story progresses.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to maintain a sense of normalcy and balance between his personal life and his duties as a police chief. This reflects his desire to protect his family while also fulfilling his responsibilities to the town.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to respond to a call or situation that requires his attention as the police chief. This reflects the immediate challenge he faces in balancing his personal and professional life.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between Joyce and Jonathan regarding Will's whereabouts and their financial situation creates tension and drives the scene forward. The mystery of Will's disappearance adds an additional layer of conflict.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing conflicting demands from his family and his job.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are high in the scene as the characters grapple with the mystery of Will's disappearance and the financial struggles they face. The outcome of these conflicts will have a significant impact on their lives.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward significantly by introducing key plot points, establishing conflicts, and raising questions about Will's disappearance. It sets the stage for further developments and reveals important information about the characters.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it introduces conflicting goals for the protagonist that create tension and uncertainty.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

There is a philosophical conflict between the protagonist's duty to his job and his duty to his family. This challenges his beliefs about sacrifice and responsibility.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a range of emotions, including anxiety, frustration, and concern. The audience is emotionally invested in the characters' struggles and the mystery surrounding Will's disappearance.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is realistic and reveals important information about the characters' relationships and struggles. It adds depth to the scene and enhances the emotional impact.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it sets up a compelling conflict between the protagonist's personal and professional responsibilities, drawing the audience into his dilemma.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense as the protagonist navigates his conflicting duties.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene headings and descriptions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a character-driven drama, with a clear setup of the protagonist's internal and external goals.


Critique
  • The transition from Hopper showering to dressing is a bit abrupt and could be smoother to enhance the flow of the scene.
  • The description of Hopper's outfit and gear feels a bit heavy-handed and could be streamlined to focus on the essentials.
  • The moment with the framed photograph is a nice touch to show a different side of Hopper, but it could be integrated more seamlessly into the scene.
  • The shift to the Byers house and the interaction between Joyce and Jonathan feels a bit disjointed from Hopper's earlier scenes and could benefit from a clearer connection.
  • The dialogue between Joyce and Jonathan, while adding depth to their characters, could be more nuanced to avoid feeling overly dramatic.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a smoother transition between Hopper showering and dressing to improve the pacing of the scene.
  • Streamline the description of Hopper's outfit and gear to focus on key details and avoid overwhelming the reader.
  • Integrate the moment with the framed photograph more seamlessly into the scene to enhance its impact.
  • Ensure a clearer connection between Hopper's earlier scenes and the Byers house to maintain continuity and coherence.
  • Refine the dialogue between Joyce and Jonathan to add depth while avoiding melodrama.



Scene 11 -  Will's Disappearance
INT. DUSTIN’S ROOM - MOMENTS LATER

Joyce throws open the door to Will’s room. Silences.

INT. KITCHEN - MOMENTS LATER

She strides back over to Jonathan. Worried now.

JOYCE
Will came home last night, right?

JONATHAN
He’s not in his room?

JOYCE
He come home or not?

JONATHAN
I don’t know --

JOYCE
You don’t know?

TV Calling - For educational purposes only
17.

JONATHAN
I was at the dark room late. I...
I guess I lost track of time --

JOYCE
I told you to wait up for him,
Jonathan, I specifically told you --

JONATHAN
He was over at the Wheelers’ all
day. I’m sure he just stayed over.

JOYCE
Seriously Jonathan? Seriously?

JONATHAN
I’m sorry --

JOYCE
Fuck!

Joyce grabs the kitchen wall phone. Mashes a number.

INTERCUT WITH:
Genres: ["Drama","Mystery","Thriller"]

Summary Joyce discovers Will's empty room and confronts Jonathan, who admits he lost track of time and doesn't know if Will returned home last night. Joyce furiously reprimands Jonathan for not waiting up for Will and calls the kitchen phone.
Strengths
  • Tension-building
  • Emotional depth
  • Mystery element
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue may feel slightly cliched or melodramatic

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively builds tension and mystery while also delving into the emotional dynamics of the characters, creating a compelling narrative.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a character disappearing and the subsequent reactions of the family members is intriguing and keeps the audience engaged.

Plot: 8

The plot advances significantly with the disappearance of Will, setting up a central mystery that drives the story forward.

Originality: 7

The scene introduces a familiar situation of a missing child but adds a fresh approach through the intense emotional reactions of the characters and the use of suspenseful dialogue.


Character Development

Characters: 7

The characters' emotions and relationships are well portrayed, adding depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 7

The characters, especially Joyce, undergo emotional changes as they grapple with the disappearance of Will, adding complexity to their arcs.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to find out the whereabouts of her son, Will, and to express her frustration and worry to Jonathan. This reflects her deeper need for security and protection of her family.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to locate her son and ensure his safety. This reflects the immediate challenge of dealing with a missing child and the uncertainty of his whereabouts.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between Joyce and Jonathan regarding Will's disappearance creates tension and drives the emotional stakes of the scene.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing obstacles in her search for her son and conflicting emotions with Jonathan.

High Stakes: 8

The high stakes of a missing child and the strained family dynamics heighten the tension and emotional impact of the scene.

Story Forward: 8

The scene significantly moves the story forward by introducing a central mystery and raising the emotional stakes for the characters.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected actions and reactions of the characters, keeping the audience on edge about the outcome.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between the protagonist's need for control and certainty versus the unpredictable nature of life and the actions of her son. This challenges her beliefs about being able to protect her family at all times.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions from the audience, particularly through the portrayal of Joyce's worry and frustration over her missing son.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue effectively conveys the tension and frustration between the characters, enhancing the emotional impact of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the high emotional stakes, the fast-paced dialogue, and the sense of urgency in finding the missing child.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building suspense and maintaining the intensity of the situation, with quick exchanges and escalating emotions.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of the scene is clear and easy to follow, with proper scene headings and dialogue formatting that adheres to industry standards.

Structure: 9

The scene follows the expected structure for a dramatic moment in a screenplay, with clear dialogue and action beats that drive the narrative forward.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a sense of urgency and tension considering the gravity of the situation - Will is missing and Joyce is understandably frantic.
  • The dialogue feels a bit too on-the-nose and lacks subtlety in conveying the emotions of the characters.
  • There is a missed opportunity to delve deeper into the emotional turmoil Joyce is experiencing, as well as Jonathan's guilt and confusion.
  • The scene could benefit from more visual cues to enhance the atmosphere and convey the characters' emotions effectively.
  • The pacing of the scene could be improved to build up the suspense and keep the audience engaged.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more layers to the dialogue to reflect the complex emotions of the characters.
  • Introduce visual elements that enhance the tension and urgency of the situation, such as Joyce frantically searching Will's room or Jonathan's conflicted expression.
  • Explore the internal thoughts and feelings of the characters through actions and reactions rather than explicit dialogue.
  • Work on pacing to create a more dynamic and engaging scene that keeps the audience invested in the unfolding mystery.
  • Consider incorporating subtle hints or foreshadowing to build anticipation and intrigue for the audience.



Scene 12 -  Morning Chaos
INT. THE WHEELERS HOUSE - KITCHEN - MORNING

A WALL PHONE RINGS at the Wheelers. It is chaos over here.

Mike is grabbing SYRUP from a cabinet; Nancy is eating
scrambled eggs, HOLLY, 3, is crying; Ted is watching the
morning news; and now the phone is ringing. The fucking
phone.

Karen answers. Holly squirms in her arms.

KAREN
Hello?

JOYCE
Karen -- it’s Joyce.

KAREN
Joyce, hi --

Behind her, Mike pours syrup onto his scrambles eggs.

NANCY
That’s disgusting.

MIKE
It’s good, swear.

Mike squeezes some onto Nancy’s TV
eggs.
Calling - For educational purposes only
18.

NANCY
WHAT THE FUCK MIKE?!

TED
HEY! LANGUAGE!!

Karen puts the phone on her shoulder. She can’t hear Joyce.

KAREN
QUIET!
(back to Joyce)
I’m sorry, one of those mornings --

JOYCE
Was that Will I heard back there?

KAREN
Will? No, no -- just Michael.

JOYCE
Will didn’t spend the night?

KAREN
...No. He, he left here a little
after eight.
(worried now)
He’s not home?
Genres: ["Drama","Mystery","Thriller"]

Summary Amidst the morning chaos at the Wheelers', Karen juggles her daughter and answers a call from Joyce, lying about Will's whereabouts. Mike's mischievous syrup-pouring on Nancy's eggs sparks conflict, while Ted tries to maintain order. The scene conveys a sense of hectic confusion and stress.
Strengths
  • Effective portrayal of chaos and tension
  • Compelling character interactions
  • Intriguing setup for future developments
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue may feel slightly repetitive or exaggerated in its chaos

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively conveys a sense of chaos, tension, and concern through the interactions of the characters and the unfolding mystery of Will's disappearance. The dialogue and actions of the characters create a compelling atmosphere.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a chaotic morning in a suburban household, combined with the mystery of a missing child, is engaging and sets up intrigue for future developments.

Plot: 7

The plot advances with the introduction of Will's disappearance and the characters' reactions to it. The scene sets up a central conflict and mystery that will drive the narrative forward.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh take on the typical family breakfast scenario by introducing chaos and conflict. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and relatable, enhancing the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-defined through their actions and dialogue, showcasing their relationships and individual personalities. Their reactions to the situation add depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 6

The characters experience a shift in their emotions and priorities due to the mystery of Will's disappearance. This sets up potential character development and growth in future scenes.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to maintain control and composure in the midst of chaos. This reflects her desire to keep her family together and handle unexpected situations with grace.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to handle the phone call from Joyce and provide information about her son's whereabouts. This reflects the immediate challenge of communication and potential concern for her son's safety.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict arises from the mystery of Will's disappearance and the characters' reactions to it. The tension and concern add layers of conflict to the scene.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting emotions and reactions among the characters. The audience is unsure of how the situation will be resolved, adding to the tension.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are high as Will is missing, and the characters are faced with uncertainty and concern for his safety. The mystery adds a sense of urgency and importance to the scene.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing the central mystery of Will's disappearance and setting up the conflict and tension that will drive the narrative. It propels the plot into a new direction.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected phone call and the characters' varied reactions to the situation. The audience is left wondering how the conflict will be resolved.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between maintaining appearances and dealing with reality. Karen tries to downplay the situation with Joyce while also worrying about her son's absence, highlighting the tension between truth and facade.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes emotions of worry, frustration, and anxiety through the characters' reactions and the unfolding mystery. It engages the audience on an emotional level.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue effectively conveys the chaos and tension of the scene, as well as the characters' emotions and concerns. It adds depth to the interactions and drives the narrative forward.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its fast-paced dialogue, relatable family dynamics, and the sense of urgency created by the chaotic situation. The conflict and humor keep the audience invested in the characters' interactions.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and maintaining the chaotic atmosphere. The rhythm of the dialogue and actions keeps the audience engaged and interested in the unfolding events.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and easy to follow, with proper scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting. It adheres to the expected format for its genre.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a typical structure for a family drama, with clear character introductions, conflict, and resolution. The formatting is consistent with the genre expectations.


Critique
  • The chaotic atmosphere of the scene is effectively portrayed through the multiple activities happening simultaneously in the kitchen.
  • The tension between the characters, especially between Mike and Nancy, adds depth to the scene.
  • The dialogue and interactions between the characters feel natural and realistic, capturing the dynamics of a busy family morning.
  • The revelation of Will's absence creates a sense of unease and sets up a potential conflict for the upcoming scenes.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more visual cues to enhance the chaotic atmosphere, such as cluttered countertops or spilled syrup.
  • Explore deeper into the emotions of the characters, especially Karen and Joyce, to further highlight the impact of Will's absence.
  • Introduce subtle foreshadowing elements related to Will's disappearance to build suspense and intrigue.
  • Consider incorporating more non-verbal cues, such as body language or facial expressions, to convey the characters' emotions and reactions effectively.



Scene 13 -  Mounting Concerns and Schoolyard Antics
INT. BYERS HOUSE - MORNING

Joyce tries to hide her panic.

JOYCE
I -- I was working late last night.
I’m sure he just left early for
school. Thanks... thanks Karen --

Joyce hangs up the phone.

She looks scared. And so does Jonathan.

He races for the door. Throws on a dark coat.

JOYCE (CONT’D)
Where are you going?

JONATHAN
To look for Will.

JOYCE
Jonathan wait --

JONATHAN
Call the school. TV Calling - For educational purposes only
19.

The door slams shut.

EXT. MONTAUK MIDDLE SCHOOL - MORNING

EEEEEEEEE! AN ELECTRONIC BELL BLARES.

We are outside MONTAUK PUBLIC SCHOOL, a quaint one-story
brick building. An American flag waves in the breeze.

Mike pulls up on his bike. He slots it into a bike rack.

VOICE (O.S.)
Holy shit Wheeler!

Mike looks up to find two older kids, JAMES and TROY, 14,
striding over to him. They’re staring at his birthmark.

TROY
I think it grew over the weekend!

JAMES
You really gotta get that looked
at, Wheeler! Might be cancer or
some shit!

They laugh. Mike simply ignores them. This is a regular
occurrence and this is how he handles it: with passivity.

Today, at least, it works: James and Troy shove past him.

Lucas pulls up on his bike. Glares at the bullies.

LUCAS
Assholes.

Mike shrugs it off like it’s no big deal, even though it
clearly is. But his mood brightens when he spots...

JENNIFER HAYES. Freckled, cute, with a gaggle of POPULAR
FRIENDS.

Lucas punches Mike in the arm.

LUCAS (CONT’D)
Jesus, Mike! Reflections!

MIKE
What?

LUCAS
Reflections. Use them, remember?
You can’t just stare like some
creeper.
TV Calling - For educational purposes only
20.

MIKE
I wasn’t staring.

The boys begin to walk toward school.

MIKE (CONT’D)
You seen Will around?

LUCAS
No -- why?

MIKE
I don’t know -- his mom called this
morning, looking for him.

LUCAS
I’m sure he’s just in class.

MIKE
Yeah...

Mike’s gaze drifts back over Jennifer.

Lucas punches him again.

LUCAS
REFLECTIONS!
Genres: ["Drama","Mystery","Thriller"]

Summary **Joyce** anxiously conceals her worry after a concerning call. **Jonathan** frantically searches for Will. At school, **Mike** endures bullying while **Lucas** offers support. Their concern for Will grows as they realize his absence.
Strengths
  • Building tension and suspense
  • Creating a sense of mystery and intrigue
  • Establishing strong character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Lack of resolution in this scene
  • Some cliched elements in the teenage interactions

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively sets up a central mystery and builds tension, keeping the audience engaged and curious about Will's disappearance.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a missing child in a suburban setting is a classic but effective storytelling device that immediately draws the audience in.

Plot: 8

The plot revolves around the disappearance of Will, creating a sense of urgency and mystery that drives the narrative forward.

Originality: 7

The scene introduces familiar themes of friendship and loyalty but adds a fresh perspective through the portrayal of bullying and the characters' responses.


Character Development

Characters: 7

The characters are well-defined, with distinct personalities and relationships that add depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 6

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the events set the stage for potential growth and development in future scenes.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to find Will, which reflects his deep concern for his friend's well-being and his loyalty to his friends and family.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to physically search for Will, reflecting the immediate challenge of his friend being missing and the urgency to find him.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict arises from the central mystery of Will's disappearance and the tension between characters.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the bullies providing a challenging obstacle for the protagonist to navigate.

High Stakes: 8

The high stakes of a missing child and the unknown dangers surrounding his disappearance create a sense of urgency and importance.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing the central mystery of Will's disappearance and setting up the conflict and emotional stakes.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected interactions between the characters and the unresolved mystery of Will's disappearance.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the idea of standing up to bullies versus ignoring them. Mike's passivity in the face of bullying challenges the values of assertiveness and self-defense.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes fear, worry, and curiosity in the audience, creating an emotional connection to the characters and the story.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is natural and realistic, capturing the dynamics of teenage friendships and interactions.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the suspenseful search for Will, the dynamic between the characters, and the relatable themes of friendship and loyalty.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the characters' search for Will.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear character motivations and a sense of urgency driving the action.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear sense of urgency and tension considering the situation of a missing child.
  • The dialogue between Joyce and Karen feels somewhat forced and unnatural, lacking emotional depth.
  • Jonathan's sudden decision to go look for Will feels rushed and could use more build-up or explanation.
  • The interaction between Mike and the bullies, while establishing his character, feels disconnected from the overall tone of the scene.
  • The transition from the phone call to the school scene could be smoother to maintain the flow of the narrative.
Suggestions
  • Add more emotional depth to Joyce's reaction to the situation, showing her panic and fear more explicitly.
  • Consider building up Jonathan's decision to go look for Will by showing his internal conflict or sense of responsibility.
  • Integrate the interaction with the bullies more seamlessly into the scene to maintain a consistent tone.
  • Enhance the transition between the phone call and the school scene to create a more cohesive narrative flow.
  • Increase the sense of urgency and tension throughout the scene to reflect the seriousness of the situation.



Scene 14 -  High School Anticipation
INT. STATION WAGON - SCHOOL PARKING LOT - MORNING

Nancy gauges her reflection in the rearview mirror.

She is in the driver’s seat of a HAND-ME-DOWN 1972 STATION
WAGON. “Crazy Little Thing Called Love” by Queen plays on the
radio. She fusses over herself, carefully applying her
mascara and blush, but she is unhappy with everything.

The song begins to skip. The radio signal stutters.

Nancy looks down at in confusion. What the hell?

A WARNING BELL BLARES. Out of time. Fuck.

EXT. LONG ISLAND HIGH SCHOOL - A FEW MINUTES LATER

Nancy exits the station wagon and hurries toward school.

INT. MONTAUK HIGH SCHOOL - MORNING - LATER

Nancy wades through a bustling hallway.

BARBARA, 16, her best friend, braces, catches up.

BARBARA TV Calling - For educational purposes only
So? Did he call?
21.

NANCY
Keep your voice down --

BARBARA
Did he?!

Nancy shakes her head. Walks up to her locker.

NANCY
I told you, he doesn’t like me.

Barbara shoots her a look.

NANCY (CONT’D)
Okay, I mean, yes, fine, he likes
me, you know, but not like that --

Nancy silences. There is a FOLDED NOTE taped to the inside
her locker. It is addressed “NANCY.” She opens it. It reads:

MEET ME. GIRLS BATHROOM. STEVE.

Nancy looks up at Barbara. Speechless.

BARBARA
You were saying, Nance?
Genres: ["Drama","Teen","Mystery"]

Summary In a 1972 station wagon, Nancy applies makeup while Queen's “Crazy Little Thing Called Love” plays. The radio signal cuts out, prompting Nancy to hurry into school. In the hallway, Nancy denies to her friend Barbara that Steve likes her romantically. Nancy finds a note from Steve in her locker, asking her to meet him in the girls' bathroom, leaving her speechless and excited.
Strengths
  • Building tension
  • Character depth
  • Intriguing plot development
Weaknesses
  • Limited action
  • Relatively low conflict level

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively sets up a mysterious and tense atmosphere while also delving into the personal struggles of the main character, Nancy. The introduction of the note adds an intriguing element to the plot.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a teenage girl dealing with relationship dynamics and secrets in high school is relatable and engaging. The addition of the mysterious note in the locker adds depth to the storyline.

Plot: 7

The plot advances as Nancy receives the note from Steve, hinting at potential developments in her relationships and personal life. The scene sets up future conflicts and resolutions.

Originality: 8

The scene offers a fresh take on familiar teenage themes, with authentic character interactions and emotional depth.


Character Development

Characters: 8

Nancy is portrayed as a complex character dealing with insecurities and uncertainties, which adds depth to her personality. Barbara serves as a supportive friend, enhancing the dynamics between characters.

Character Changes: 6

Nancy experiences a shift in her emotions and perceptions as she receives the note from Steve, hinting at potential changes in her relationships and personal growth. The scene sets the stage for character development.

Internal Goal: 8

Nancy's internal goal is to navigate her feelings for a boy and her own insecurities about her self-worth.

External Goal: 7

Nancy's external goal is to figure out the mysterious note from Steve and navigate her social interactions with her friend Barbara.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

The conflict in the scene is more subtle, focusing on Nancy's internal dilemmas and the potential implications of the note from Steve. The tension arises from the uncertainty surrounding Nancy's feelings and relationships.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene adds conflict and suspense, creating obstacles for the protagonist to overcome.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes in the scene revolve around Nancy's relationships and personal dilemmas, especially with the introduction of the note from Steve. The potential outcomes of her decisions add tension to the storyline.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by introducing a new element of mystery and potential conflict through the note from Steve. It sets up future developments and resolutions in the plot.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected note from Steve and Nancy's internal conflict.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around Nancy's internal struggle with self-acceptance and her external struggle with societal expectations and peer pressure.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a sense of tension and curiosity, especially regarding Nancy's reaction to the note from Steve. The emotional depth of the characters adds to the impact of the scene.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue effectively conveys the emotions and relationships between characters, especially in the interactions between Nancy and Barbara. The note from Steve adds a layer of mystery to the conversation.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it captures the audience's attention with relatable teenage drama and emotional conflicts.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged with the protagonist's emotional journey.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene headings and character actions.

Structure: 9

The scene follows the expected structure for a high school drama genre, with clear transitions and character interactions.


Critique
  • The scene lacks depth and emotional resonance, focusing more on surface-level actions and dialogue.
  • Nancy's internal conflict and emotions are not fully explored, making her character feel one-dimensional.
  • The transition from the station wagon to the high school hallway feels abrupt and disjointed.
  • The interaction between Nancy and Barbara lacks nuance and depth, missing an opportunity to delve into their friendship dynamics.
  • The note from Steve feels cliched and lacks subtlety in setting up the upcoming interaction.
Suggestions
  • Add more internal monologue or visual cues to show Nancy's inner turmoil and dissatisfaction with her current situation.
  • Explore Nancy and Barbara's relationship further by adding layers to their conversation and interactions.
  • Consider a smoother transition between the station wagon scene and the high school hallway to improve the flow of the narrative.
  • Enhance the note from Steve to make it more intriguing and less on-the-nose, adding suspense and mystery to the upcoming meeting.
  • Focus on building tension and anticipation in the scene to engage the audience and create a more compelling storyline.



Scene 15 -  Flirtatious Encounter
INT. GIRL’S BATHROOM - MOMENTS LATER

Nancy slips into the girl’s bathroom. It looks vacant.

WHOOM! Someone grabs her and spins her around. It is...

STEVE HARRINGTON, 17, wealthy, athletic, charm to spare.

NANCY
Steve! SHIT. You scared me.

She playfully shoves him back, but Steve just moves closer.
He puts his hands on her waist and kisses her on the mouth.

NANCY (CONT’D)
Steve -- What are you doing...?

He kisses her again. Nancy blushes and shrinks away.

NANCY (CONT’D)
...Have you been drinking? Steve?

Steve doesn’t answer. He just kisses her some more. Body
pressing up against hers. Nancy gives in, consumed by
hormonal lust, when...

THE BELL RINGS AGAIN. FINAL WARNING.
TV Calling - For educational purposes only
22.

Nancy crashes back to reality. She quickly pulls away from
Steve and hurries toward the door. Completely flustered.

NANCY (CONT’D)
I -- I have to go --

But Steve grabs her hand, holding her back.

STEVE
Five more minutes --

NANCY
I can’t -- I have Mrs. Kreitzberg
first period, she always gives a
pop quiz --

STEVE
What about tonight?

NANCY
What -- ?

STEVE
There’s gonna be bonfire at Turtle
Cove. Chrissy’ll be there, Donna,
so will Tommy L. and Tommy H. --

NANCY
I... I have a chemistry test
tomorrow --

STEVE
What’s your GPA again? Three point
ninenineineninenine-- ?

NANCY
Shut up!

STEVE
Come on. It’ll be good times.

She hesitates. Wavering.

NANCY
Can I bring Barb?

STEVE
Bring Mrs. Kreitzberg for all I
care.

NANCY
(laughs)
Maybe.
TV Calling - For educational purposes only
23.

STEVE
Maybe you’ll bring Mrs. Kreitzberg?
Or maybe you’ll come?

NANCY
Just... Maybe.

Nancy hurries out of the bathroom. Trying to hide her smile.

Steve grins. He knows he got her. Hook, line, and sinker.
Genres: ["Drama","Romance"]

Summary Nancy is surprised by Steve in the girl's bathroom of Hawkins High School. Despite her initial refusal, Steve convinces her to 'maybe' go to a party with him that evening. The scene ends with Nancy hurrying out, trying to hide a smile, and Steve grinning as he knows he got her to agree to come.
Strengths
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Tension building
  • Character development
Weaknesses
  • Lack of external conflict
  • Limited setting

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively builds tension and establishes the dynamic between Nancy and Steve, setting up potential conflicts and developments in their relationship.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a secret encounter in a high school bathroom adds intrigue and sets the stage for character exploration and relationship dynamics.

Plot: 7

The plot advances as Nancy and Steve's relationship is hinted at, adding layers to the overall story.

Originality: 7

The scene presents a familiar teenage romance scenario but adds depth through the protagonist's internal struggles and conflicting desires. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue enhances the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Nancy and Steve are well-developed through their interactions, dialogue, and body language, showcasing their personalities and desires.

Character Changes: 7

Both Nancy and Steve experience a shift in their dynamic during the scene, hinting at potential character growth and changes.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to resist Steve's advances and maintain her focus on her academic responsibilities. This reflects her deeper need for independence and self-respect.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to avoid getting distracted by Steve and prioritize her academic commitments. This reflects the immediate challenge of balancing social life with academic responsibilities.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

There is a subtle conflict between Nancy's desire to leave and Steve's persistence, hinting at potential conflicts in their relationship.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create conflict and suspense, as the protagonist faces pressure from Steve to prioritize social activities over academic responsibilities.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes are relatively low in this scene, focusing more on character dynamics and relationships.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by introducing new dynamics and conflicts in Nancy and Steve's relationship.

Unpredictability: 6

This scene is unpredictable because the audience is unsure of how the protagonist will navigate the conflicting desires of social acceptance and academic responsibility.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between the protagonist's desire for independence and self-respect versus the pressure to conform to social expectations and peer influence. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs about personal agency and autonomy.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a mix of excitement, nervousness, and attraction, engaging the audience emotionally.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is engaging and reveals the tension and attraction between Nancy and Steve, driving the scene forward.

Engagement: 8

This scene is engaging because it captures the emotional tension between the characters and keeps the audience invested in the protagonist's internal struggles.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged in the protagonist's internal struggles and external challenges.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of the scene adheres to the standard screenplay format for its genre, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 9

The scene follows the expected structure for a character-driven drama, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the effectiveness of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene starts with a sudden physical interaction between Steve and Nancy, which may come off as aggressive and non-consensual.
  • Nancy's initial reaction to Steve's advances is not clearly defined, leading to confusion about her feelings and consent.
  • The dialogue between Steve and Nancy lacks depth and emotional resonance, focusing more on surface-level interactions.
  • The scene relies heavily on hormonal lust and teenage hormones as the driving force of the interaction, which may not resonate with all audiences.
  • The transition from the intimate moment between Steve and Nancy to the mention of the bonfire feels abrupt and disconnected.
Suggestions
  • Consider establishing clear consent and boundaries in the interaction between Steve and Nancy to avoid any misinterpretation.
  • Add more emotional depth and complexity to the dialogue between Steve and Nancy to make their interaction more engaging and relatable.
  • Explore the characters' motivations and inner conflicts to create a more nuanced and realistic portrayal of teenage relationships.
  • Integrate the mention of the bonfire more seamlessly into the scene to ensure a smoother transition and narrative flow.
  • Focus on developing the characters' personalities and dynamics to make the scene more compelling and authentic.



Scene 16 -  Morning at the Montauk Police Station
EXT. MONTAUK POLICE STATION - MORNING

An American flag flutters in the wind. High on a flagpole.

We are outside the MONTAUK POLICE STATION. It is quaint. As
in, really quaint. If the sign out front didn’t read
POLICE, you’d probably mistake it for a gift shop.

A CHEVY BLAZER POLICE CAR squeals into the lot.

Hopper exits. Dragging on another cigarette.

Still hungover.

EXT. MONTAUK POLICE STATION - MORNING

Hopper lumbers inside. Beelines for the coffee machine.

DEPUTIES CALLAHAN and DEPUTY POWELL look up from a game of
five card draw, their cowboy boots kicked up on their desks.

The mood here is casual, to say the least.

DEPUTY CALLAHAN
You look like shit, Chief.

HOPPER
Your wife looked worse when I left
her.

Hopper begins to make himself a cup of coffee.

His secretary, FLORENCE, 61, approaches. Pad and pen in hand.

FLORENCE
Tell your boys to get their feet
off the desk. This in’t a barn.

Hopper snaps his fingers. The Deputies roll their eyes but
oblige.

Florence adjusts her glasses and consults a note pad.
TV Calling - For educational purposes only
24.

FLORENCE (CONT’D)
While you were sleeping or drinking
or whatever it is you deem so
important on Monday mornings, Carl
Blackburn came by the office, says
he saw Earl and his boys
spearfishing --

HOPPER
(won’t look into it)
Tell him I’ll look into it --

FLORENCE
-- And Terry Ives called again,
yammering on about some more
activity last night at Camp Hero --

HOPPER
Tell him I’ve seen that Twilight
Zone. No, scratch that, don’t
encourage him. If he calls again,
cite him for wasting my time.

FLORENCE
It is precious.

HOPPER
Damn straight.

Hopper carries his coffee to his office. Florence trails.

FLORENCE
Another thing. Joyce Byers, she
can’t find her son this mornin’ --

HOPPER
(won’t look into it)
I’ll look into it.

Hopper walks into his office. He crashes to a stop.

Joyce is already in his office.

And she doesn’t look happy.
Genres: ["Drama","Mystery","Thriller"]

Summary Hopper, the hungover police chief, arrives at work and interacts with his deputies and secretary. He receives information about various incidents, including spearfishing and strange activities at Camp Hero. Joyce Byers enters his office, setting up a potential conflict or important interaction.
Strengths
  • Strong setup of mystery and tension
  • Compelling dialogue that adds depth to the characters
  • Effective establishment of central conflict
Weaknesses
  • Lack of significant character development in this particular scene

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively sets up a compelling mystery and introduces high stakes with the disappearance of a child. The tension is palpable, and the dialogue adds depth to the characters and the unfolding story.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a missing child in a small town police station is a classic setup for a mystery thriller. The scene effectively establishes the central conflict and sets the stage for further developments.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene revolves around the disappearance of a child and the initial investigation by the police chief. It sets up a strong foundation for the rest of the story to unfold.

Originality: 7

The scene introduces familiar elements of a police station setting but adds a unique twist with the humor and casual tone of the interactions. The characters' dialogue feels authentic and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 7

The characters are well-defined, with Joyce Byers showing concern for her missing son and Chief Hopper displaying a mix of nonchalance and responsibility. The scene sets up their dynamic well.

Character Changes: 6

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the setup for potential character development is evident, especially for Joyce Byers and Chief Hopper.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene seems to be dealing with his hangover and managing his responsibilities as the chief of police. It reflects his desire to maintain control and authority despite his personal struggles.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to address the various tasks and issues brought to his attention by his secretary. It reflects the immediate challenges he faces in his role as chief of police.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict in the scene is high, with the central conflict being the disappearance of a child. The tension between the characters and the urgency of the situation create a sense of unease.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene comes from the protagonist's interactions with his secretary and the challenges he faces in managing his responsibilities. The audience is left wondering how he will handle the various tasks and issues presented.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in the scene, with a child missing and the police chief tasked with finding him. The urgency and importance of the situation add to the tension and suspense.

Story Forward: 8

The scene effectively moves the story forward by introducing the central conflict of the missing child and setting up the investigation that will drive the narrative forward.

Unpredictability: 6

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected humor and character dynamics that keep the audience guessing about the direction of the interactions.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

There is a philosophical conflict between Hopper's laid-back attitude and his secretary's more serious and professional demeanor. This challenges his beliefs about how to approach his job and responsibilities.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a sense of anxiety and concern, particularly through the reactions of Joyce Byers and Chief Hopper. The emotional impact sets the stage for the audience to become invested in the story.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is sharp and adds to the tension and mystery of the scene. It effectively conveys the emotions and motivations of the characters involved.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the witty dialogue, humorous interactions, and the dynamic between the characters. The casual tone and setting draw the audience in.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and humor through the interactions between the characters. It keeps the audience engaged and interested in the unfolding events.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and easy to follow, with proper scene headings, character introductions, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a character-driven, dialogue-heavy scene in a screenplay. It effectively introduces the setting, characters, and conflicts.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear sense of urgency or tension, considering the gravity of the situation with Joyce Byers' missing son. The casual and almost flippant interactions between Hopper and his deputies detract from the seriousness of the matter at hand.
  • The dialogue feels too casual and lacks the necessary emotional depth to convey the distress Joyce Byers is experiencing. Hopper's nonchalant attitude towards the missing child case undermines the potential intensity of the scene.
  • The setting description of the police station being quaint and resembling a gift shop doesn't align with the tone of the scene, which should be more focused on the urgency and seriousness of the situation.
  • The lack of visual cues or actions to convey the tension and concern in the scene makes it fall flat. There is a missed opportunity to use body language and facial expressions to enhance the emotional impact of the interaction between Hopper and Joyce.
  • The transition from the previous scene, which was filled with suspense and drama, to this scene at the police station is jarring and disrupts the pacing of the screenplay.
Suggestions
  • Consider revising the dialogue to be more emotionally charged and reflective of the gravity of the situation. Hopper should show more concern and urgency in his interactions with Joyce Byers.
  • Enhance the setting description of the police station to reflect a more serious and professional environment, rather than a quaint or casual one.
  • Introduce visual cues such as tense body language, facial expressions, and actions to convey the heightened emotions and urgency of the scene.
  • Work on creating a smoother transition between scenes to maintain the overall tone and pacing of the screenplay.
  • Consider adding internal thoughts or reflections from Hopper to provide insight into his emotional state and investment in the missing child case.



Scene 17 -  A Mother's Plea
INT. HOOPER’S OFFICE - MORNING

WHAP! WHAP! WHAP! Type hammers slam ink onto a police report.

A single, ominous word forms one letter at a time: “MISSING.”

Hopper looks up from the typewriter. He now has on a pair of
reading glasses, which lend him a more earnest look. His
desk, however, shatters the illusion; it’s
TV Calling cluttered
- For withpurposes only
educational
PAPERS and MUGS and CANDY WRAPPERS, like the desk of a child.
25.

Joyce paces. Dragging on cigarette. She’s on edge. So far out
she might just fall right off.

JOYCE
I’ve been waiting an hour --

HOPPER
And I apologize again --

JOYCE
A GODDAMN HOUR --

HOPPER
I understand. But a boy his age,
most likely he’s playing hookie --

JOYCE
Not my Will, no. He wouldn’t do
that. He’s not like that --

HOPPER
You never know. My mother thought I
was on the debate team, when really
I was screwing Chrissy Carpenter in
the back of my dad’s boat --

JOYCE
Will’s not like you. He’s not like
me. He’s not like most.

She’s takes another drag on her cigarette. Fights tears.

JOYCE (CONT’D)
He’s got a couple of friends. But
everyone else, they -- they make
fun of him. Call him names, laugh
at him, his clothes --

HOPPER
His clothes? What’s wrong with his
clothes?

JOYCE
Too... too colorful -- I, I don’t
know. Does it fucking matter?

HOPPER
Maybe.

Joyce takes another drag.

JOYCE
He’s just... different, alright?
Lonnie... Lonnie always said he- was
TV Calling For educational purposes only
queer -- called him a fag.
26.

HOPPER
Is he?

JOYCE
What?

HOPPER
A fag.

JOYCE
He’s missing. That’s what he is.

Hopper scratches his stubble.

HOPPER
You hear from Lonnie lately?

Joyce hesitates. This is an uncomfortable subject.

JOYCE
He was in Philly last I heard. That
was ‘bout a year ago. But he’s got
nothing to do with this. He doesn’t
give two shits about that boy.

Hopper rummages around his desk. Unearths a pen and a pad.

HOPPER
What’s his number?

JOYCE
I told you, Lonnie’s got nothin to
do with this --

HOPPER
Kid goes missing, ninety-nine times
outta a hundred the kid’s with a
parent or relative --

JOYCE
What about the other time?

HOPPER
What?

JOYCE
You said ninety-nine outta hundred.
What about the other time? The one.

Hopper removes his reading glasses. Leans forward.

HOPPER
This is Montauk, Joyce. In four
years, you know the worst thing- For educational purposes only
TV Calling
I’ve seen? You know what it was?
(MORE)
27.
HOPPER (CONT'D)
(beat)
When that seagull attacked Eleanor
Gillepsie. Thought her hair was a
nest. Was about five seconds from
shittin’ an egg when we showed.

Hopper chuckles at the memory. Trying to lighten the mood.

Joyce begins to relax a little. But only a little.

JOYCE
I’ll call Lonnie. He’ll talk to me
before he talks to a --

HOPPER
Pig?

JOYCE
Cop.

Joyce sits down. She snuffs her cigarette in an ashtray. Then
she looks back up at Hopper. Her eyes are bloodshot. Glassy.

JOYCE (CONT’D)
You find my son, Hop. Find him.

Hopper takes this in. All at once he feels burdened with a
responsibility he doesn’t want. He finds his composure,
nudges his glasses back on his nose, and resumes typing.

WHAP! WHAP! WHAP! Hammer type SLAMS paper.
Genres: ["Drama","Mystery","Thriller"]

Summary In a race against time, Joyce anxiously awaits news of her missing son, Will, while Hopper, initially dismissive, begins to delve into the complexities of the case. Joyce's fears and Will's vulnerabilities unfold as the search intensifies, leaving a mix of hope and uncertainty hanging in the air.
Strengths
  • Strong emotional impact
  • Compelling mystery setup
  • Realistic dialogue
  • Well-defined characters
Weaknesses
  • Some cliched elements in the dialogue

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene effectively sets up a compelling mystery with high emotional stakes, engaging dialogue, and strong character dynamics.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a missing child in a small town setting is a classic but effective storytelling device that immediately grabs the audience's attention.

Plot: 9

The plot is well-developed, with a clear focus on the central conflict of the missing boy and the various characters' reactions and motivations.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces unique characters and a compelling mystery, with authentic dialogue that captures the complexities of human relationships.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-defined and their relationships and personalities add depth to the scene, particularly the dynamic between Joyce and Hopper.

Character Changes: 7

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the groundwork is laid for potential growth and development in future scenes.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to find the missing child, reflecting his sense of duty and responsibility as a police officer. It also reflects his deeper desire to protect and serve his community.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to investigate the disappearance of the child and solve the case. This reflects the immediate challenge he is facing in his role as a police officer.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

There is a high level of conflict in the scene, both internal (Joyce's worry for her son) and external (the search for the missing boy).

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting viewpoints and hidden agendas that create tension and conflict.

High Stakes: 9

The high stakes of a missing child and the emotional turmoil of the characters involved create a sense of urgency and tension.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward significantly by introducing the central mystery of the missing boy and setting up the investigation.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in the dialogue and character interactions.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around societal prejudices and the protagonist's sense of duty. It challenges the protagonist's beliefs about justice and fairness.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions from the audience, particularly fear, worry, and empathy for the characters involved.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is realistic and reveals important information about the characters and their motivations, adding tension and emotion to the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the high stakes, emotional conflict, and compelling characters.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and suspense, with a good balance of dialogue and action.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows standard formatting conventions for a screenplay, with clear scene headings and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a traditional structure for a mystery/drama genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes the tense and anxious atmosphere between Joyce and Hopper as they discuss the disappearance of Joyce's son, Will. The dialogue reveals Joyce's desperation and Hopper's skepticism, adding depth to their characters.
  • The cluttered and messy desk of Hopper adds to the chaotic and disorganized nature of the police station, reflecting Hopper's own personal struggles and lack of focus.
  • The dialogue between Joyce and Hopper provides insight into Will's character, his struggles with bullying, and the strained relationship between Joyce and her ex-husband Lonnie. This adds layers to the story and creates intrigue for the audience.
  • The scene effectively builds tension and suspense as Joyce pleads with Hopper to find her son, adding emotional weight to the narrative.
  • The interaction between Joyce and Hopper showcases their differing perspectives and personalities, creating a dynamic and engaging exchange that drives the scene forward.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more visual cues to enhance the setting and atmosphere of the scene, such as describing the lighting, the sounds of the typewriter, and the physical actions of the characters.
  • Work on tightening the dialogue to make it more impactful and concise, focusing on the key emotions and motivations of the characters.
  • Explore ways to further develop the relationship between Joyce and Hopper, delving deeper into their history and connection to create a more compelling dynamic.
  • Consider incorporating more subtext and nuance in the interactions between Joyce and Hopper to add layers to their characters and deepen the emotional impact of the scene.
  • Experiment with different ways to reveal information about Will's disappearance and the characters' motivations, using subtle hints and foreshadowing to build suspense and intrigue.



Scene 18 -  Eleven's Vanishing
INT. CAMP HERO - SUBTERRANEAN TUNNEL SYSTEM - DAY

WHAP! WHAP! WHAP! Shoes SLAM tile.

THREE AGENTS stride briskly down Camp Hero’s underground
tunnel. They wear gloves, gas masks, plastic overshoes.

INT. CAMP HERO - LABORATORY - DAY

The Agents enter the laboratory. Or what still remains of it.

MEDICAL OFFICERS IN HAZMAT SUITS place bloody body parts into
plastic bags, mop up blood, and remove charred equipment.

AGENT ONE removes his gas mask.

He has slicked back hair. Piercing green eyes.

AGENT TWO
Sir, your mask --

Agent One ignores him. He walks TV
over to the
Calling ISOLATION
- For TANK.
educational purposes only
28.

He opens its cylindrical roof. A ladder slithers down into
water. A TANGLE OF WIRES and ELECTRODES float on the surface.

This tank once held someone. Something?

He turns back to the others.

AGENT ONE
Where is Eleven?

AGENT THREE
We don’t know.

Agent One considers.

His gaze shifts to a SURVEILLANCE CAMERA on the ceiling.
Genres: ["Sci-Fi","Thriller","Mystery"]

Summary Agents enter a chaotic laboratory and search for Eleven. Despite the unknown whereabouts, Agent One examines a surveillance camera for clues, his determination evident amidst the disarray and grim atmosphere.
Strengths
  • Building tension and suspense
  • Intriguing concept of secret experiments
  • Mysterious character Eleven
Weaknesses
  • Minimal dialogue
  • Limited character development in this scene

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene effectively builds tension and mystery, keeping the audience engaged and curious about the unfolding events. The combination of suspenseful elements and the introduction of the character Eleven create a compelling atmosphere.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of a secret underground laboratory conducting mysterious experiments adds depth and intrigue to the overall story. The introduction of the character Eleven and the unknown experiments being carried out enhance the sci-fi and thriller elements of the scene.

Plot: 9

The plot of the scene is driven by the mystery surrounding Eleven and the experiments being conducted in the underground laboratory. The tension and suspense build as the agents search for answers, creating a compelling narrative.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a unique setting, a mysterious disappearance, and a sense of foreboding that sets it apart from typical investigative scenes. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and add depth to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters in the scene, particularly Agent One and Eleven, are intriguing and add depth to the unfolding mystery. Their interactions and the enigmatic nature of Eleven contribute to the overall suspense and tension of the scene.

Character Changes: 6

While there are no significant character changes in this particular scene, the introduction of Eleven and the mysterious experiments hint at potential character development and revelations in future scenes.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to uncover the truth behind the mysterious disappearance of Eleven and the events in the laboratory. This reflects his need for answers, his fear of the unknown, and his desire to protect others.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to locate Eleven and solve the mystery surrounding the laboratory. This reflects the immediate challenge he is facing in his investigation.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict in the scene arises from the mystery surrounding Eleven and the experiments being conducted in the underground laboratory. The tension and suspense build as the agents search for answers and confront the unknown dangers lurking in the facility.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing obstacles in his investigation, uncertainties about Eleven's whereabouts, and potential dangers in the environment. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how the situation will unfold.

High Stakes: 8

The high stakes in the scene are evident in the unknown dangers lurking in the underground laboratory, the mystery surrounding Eleven, and the potential consequences of the experiments being conducted. The agents' search for answers and the escalating tension raise the stakes and create a sense of urgency and danger.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by introducing the character Eleven, the underground laboratory, and the mysterious experiments being conducted. The search for answers and the escalating tension propel the narrative forward, setting the stage for future developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unknown fate of Eleven, the mysterious events in the laboratory, and the potential dangers lurking in the underground tunnel system.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the clash between the protagonist's duty to uncover the truth and the potential consequences of revealing dark secrets. It challenges his beliefs about justice, morality, and the greater good.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes fear, anxiety, and tension in the audience, creating an emotional impact that heightens the suspense and mystery of the unfolding events. The sense of foreboding and the unknown dangers lurking in the laboratory contribute to the emotional intensity of the scene.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue in the scene is minimal but effective in conveying the urgency and mystery of the situation. The interactions between the agents and the mention of Eleven create a sense of foreboding and intrigue.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its fast-paced action, intriguing mystery, and dynamic character interactions. The tension and suspense keep the audience invested in the story.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a balance of action, dialogue, and description that maintains the tension and keeps the story moving forward. The rhythm of the scene enhances its effectiveness.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to industry standards for a screenplay, with proper scene headings, action lines, and character dialogue. It is easy to follow and visually engaging.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a logical progression, moving from the tunnel system to the laboratory and building suspense as the protagonist investigates. The formatting is clear and concise, enhancing the readability of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene lacks clear direction and purpose, leaving the audience confused about the significance of the actions taking place.
  • The introduction of the Agents and their actions in the laboratory feel disconnected from the previous scenes, making it difficult for viewers to follow the narrative thread.
  • There is a lack of emotional depth or character development in this scene, making it feel flat and unengaging.
  • The dialogue is minimal and does not provide any meaningful insight into the characters or the situation at hand.
  • The visual descriptions are sparse and do not create a vivid or immersive setting for the audience.
Suggestions
  • Consider revising the scene to provide more context and connection to the previous events in the screenplay.
  • Develop the characters of the Agents further to make them more engaging and relatable to the audience.
  • Add more dialogue that reveals the motivations and emotions of the characters, helping to deepen the scene and create tension.
  • Enhance the visual descriptions to paint a clearer picture of the environment and create a more immersive experience for the audience.
  • Ensure that the actions and dialogue in the scene serve a clear purpose in advancing the plot and character development.



Scene 19 -  Surveillance Footage Revelation
INT. CAMP HERO - SURVEILLANCE ROOM - DAY

An ENGINEER toggles through SURVEILLANCE FOOTAGE.

The Agents stand behind him. Making him nervous.

ENGINEER
Okay, this is it...

The Engineer hits play.

Low definition video shows us the LABORATORY from last night,
only now we are back in time; the scientists are still very
much alive, huddled around that strange metal door frame.

There is a confusion of activity, shouting, followed by a
VIOLENT BURST OF A LIGHT. It looks like an explosion. Then...

HISS! Static engulfs the surveillance image.

Beneath this static, we glimpse SHADOWED MOVEMENT. But just
for a few frames. And then the static dissipates to reveal...

The scientists dead on the ground. Blood everywhere.

One of the scientists climbs to his feet. Still alive.

He staggers out the door and into the corridor.

We are back to the beginning of our story.

The video snaps to BLACK.

ENGINEER (CONT’D)
There’s nothing else. All the
cameras -- they just... cut out.
TV Calling - For educational purposes only
29.

AGENT ONE
Go back. Ten seconds.

The Engineer wipes sweat from his forehead. Rewinds.

AGENT ONE (CONT’D)
There.

The Engineer pauses the tape.

AGENT ONE (CONT’D)
Go forward. Four frames.

The Engineer complies. One frame... Two... Three... Four.

There is someone... SOMETHING... captured on the video. It is
obscured beneath static, but we see enough to know that this
is the Figure that Will saw last night. For the first time,
we glimpse its small black eyes, buried in pockets of pale,
withered flesh.

AGENT TWO
(low)
...What the hell is that...?

A beat.

AGENT ONE
Eleven will know.
(beat)
Find her.

Agent One strides away. The door slams shut behind him.

Agents two and three return their gaze to the monitor.
Frightened. The frozen video waves and undulates.

Making the figure appear to bend, stutter.

Making it seem almost...

Alive.

END ACT TWO




TV Calling - For educational purposes only
30.

ACT THREE
Genres: ["Horror","Sci-Fi","Thriller"]

Summary Upon reviewing surveillance footage, agents witness an explosion that kills scientists. A mysterious figure with black eyes and pale flesh is glimpsed amidst static, leading them to seek Eleven's knowledge about its identity.
Strengths
  • Effective use of suspense and mystery
  • Intriguing introduction of unknown entity
  • Engaging plot developments
Weaknesses
  • Minimal character development
  • Limited dialogue

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene effectively builds suspense and mystery, keeping the audience engaged and on edge. The introduction of the unknown entity adds a new layer of intrigue and fear, setting up future developments in the story.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of an unknown entity captured on surveillance footage adds a fresh and intriguing element to the scene. It raises questions and sets up future plot developments, adding depth to the overall story.

Plot: 9

The plot advances significantly with the introduction of the unknown entity and the revelation of its presence in the surveillance footage. This sets up new conflicts and mysteries to be explored in future scenes, driving the story forward.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh and intriguing mystery with supernatural elements, adding a unique twist to the typical surveillance room setting. The characters' reactions and the unfolding events feel authentic and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 8

While the focus is more on the unknown entity captured on surveillance footage, the presence of the agents and engineer adds depth to the scene. Their reactions and interactions hint at their roles in the larger narrative, adding intrigue to their characters.

Character Changes: 6

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the introduction of the unknown entity and the reactions of the agents hint at potential developments in their characters. The scene sets the stage for future growth and transformation.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to uncover the truth behind the mysterious events captured on the surveillance footage. This reflects their curiosity, determination, and possibly a sense of duty or responsibility.

External Goal: 7.5

The protagonist's external goal is to identify and locate the mysterious Figure seen in the surveillance footage. This goal reflects the immediate challenge they are facing in solving the mystery and potentially preventing further harm.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, as the agents and engineer grapple with the implications of the surveillance footage and the presence of the unknown entity. The tension and mystery drive the conflict, setting up future confrontations and resolutions.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the mysterious Figure posing a significant challenge for the protagonist. The uncertainty and fear surrounding the Figure create a sense of danger and urgency for the characters.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in this scene as the presence of the unknown entity and the implications of the surveillance footage raise the tension and danger for the characters. The outcome of their investigation and confrontation with the entity could have far-reaching consequences.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward significantly by introducing the unknown entity and setting up new conflicts and mysteries to be explored. It raises questions and creates anticipation for future developments, driving the narrative towards its resolution.

Unpredictability: 8.5

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twist with the Figure in the surveillance footage, as well as the mysterious and supernatural elements introduced. The audience is left wondering about the true nature of the Figure and its significance.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the unknown and the fear of the supernatural or unexplainable. It challenges the protagonist's beliefs in rationality and logic, as they are confronted with something beyond their understanding.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes fear, anxiety, and confusion in the audience, creating an emotional impact that heightens the suspense and mystery. The presence of the unknown entity and the reactions of the characters add to the overall emotional intensity of the scene.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue in the scene is minimal but effective in conveying the urgency and tension of the situation. The agents' brief exchanges with the engineer and each other add to the overall atmosphere of mystery and suspense.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its suspenseful atmosphere, intriguing mystery, and well-developed characters. The unfolding events and the revelation of the Figure capture the reader's attention and keep them invested in the story.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a gradual build-up of tension and suspense leading to a climactic revelation. The rhythm of the dialogue and the unfolding events contribute to the scene's effectiveness in maintaining the reader's interest.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and concise, following the expected format for a suspenseful and mysterious genre. The use of dialogue and descriptive language enhances the reader's understanding of the events.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format that effectively builds tension and suspense, leading to a climactic revelation. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the scene's effectiveness in conveying the mystery and danger.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension and mystery through the surveillance footage of the laboratory incident, creating a sense of foreboding and intrigue.
  • The use of static and obscured figures adds to the suspense and sets up a compelling mystery surrounding the strange events at the camp.
  • The reveal of the Figure with small black eyes and pale, withered flesh is a strong visual that leaves a lasting impression on the audience.
  • The interaction between the Agents and the Engineer adds to the sense of urgency and importance of finding Eleven for answers.
  • The scene effectively transitions into Act Three by setting up the next steps in the investigation and hinting at the Figure's connection to Eleven.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more visual cues or hints about the Figure's presence in the surveillance footage to enhance the mystery and intrigue.
  • Explore the emotional impact of the scientists' deaths and the survivor's escape to further engage the audience with the stakes of the situation.
  • Provide more context or background information about Eleven and her significance to the investigation to deepen the audience's investment in her character.
  • Consider incorporating more dialogue or character interactions to further develop the relationships and dynamics between the Agents and the Engineer.
  • Continue to build on the tension and suspense established in this scene throughout Act Three to maintain audience interest and anticipation.



Scene 20 -  The Young Girl and Benny's Fish 'N Fry
EXT. WOODS - DAY

A YOUNG GIRL, 10, emerges out of the woods.

She makes an immediate impression on us: Her hair is buzzed
close to the scalp. Her feet are bare. Her skin is pale. She
wears a tattered white hospital gown spattered with BLOOD.

She is more like a wild animal than a child.

EXT. EMPTY ROAD - DAY

The Young Girl pads barefoot down an empty road.

She sees a RUN-DOWN RESTAURANT in the distance.

A rusted sign reads: “BENNY’S FISH ‘N FRY.”

EXT. BENNY’S FISH ‘N FRY - DAY

The Young Girl approaches the restaurant.

She stands on her tiptoes and peers into a smudged window.

BENNY HAMMOND, late 40s, lumbers past the window carrying
THREE PLATES OF FISH AND CHIPS. He has leathery skin, sleeve
tattoos, and a greasy apron wrapped around his waist.

He drops the plates off at a table of ELDERLY REGULARS.

They chain-smoke, speak with thick islander accents.

REGULAR #1
Benny, you hear ‘bout Earl and the
chickens?

BENNY
The chickens? What chickens?

REGULAR #2
Earl, see, he wanted to bring a
crate of chickens ‘board Mundo’s
boat, thought it’d be a fine idea
to feed ‘em to the great whites --

Benny guffaws as Regular #2 continues his yarn.

But the Young Girl is only interested in their food.

She’s starving.

TV Calling - For educational purposes only
31.
Genres: ["Horror","Thriller","Mystery"]

Summary A disheveled young girl emerges from the woods and observes Benny Hammond, the owner of Benny's Fish 'N Fry, serving food to elderly regulars inside the restaurant. Despite her hunger and desperation, the girl remains an enigmatic figure as the regulars engage in casual conversation.
Strengths
  • Intriguing characters
  • Eerie atmosphere
  • Compelling dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Lack of clear resolution
  • Limited character development

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene effectively establishes a sense of mystery and suspense, drawing the audience in with its intriguing characters and setting. The eerie atmosphere and dark undertones create a compelling narrative that leaves the audience wanting to know more.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of introducing a mysterious young girl in a hospital gown at a rundown restaurant is unique and captivating. The juxtaposition of innocence and danger adds depth to the scene, creating a compelling story element.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene revolves around the mysterious young girl's arrival at the restaurant and the interactions with the regulars, hinting at a larger mystery surrounding her character. The scene effectively sets up intrigue and suspense, driving the narrative forward.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a unique and compelling character in the form of the Young Girl, with a fresh approach to survival and societal interactions. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters in the scene, particularly the young girl and Benny Hammond, are well-defined and intriguing. The regulars at the restaurant add depth to the setting and hint at a darker backstory. The interactions between the characters create tension and curiosity, engaging the audience.

Character Changes: 6

While there are no significant character changes in the scene, the introduction of the mysterious young girl and the interactions with the regulars hint at potential character development and growth. The scene sets up intriguing character dynamics that have the potential for change and evolution.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to satisfy her hunger, which reflects her basic survival instincts and the harsh reality of her situation.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to find food, which reflects her immediate need for sustenance and survival in her environment.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, as the audience is left wondering about the young girl's backstory and the potential dangers she may face. The tension between the characters and the mysterious atmosphere create a sense of conflict that drives the narrative forward.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the Young Girl facing challenges in satisfying her hunger and navigating the interactions with the regulars at the restaurant.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes in the scene are high, as the presence of the mysterious young girl and the dark atmosphere hint at potential danger and intrigue. The audience is left wondering about the girl's backstory and the dangers she may face, creating a sense of urgency and suspense.

Story Forward: 8

The scene effectively moves the story forward by introducing key elements and characters that drive the narrative. The mysterious young girl and the interactions at the restaurant set up important plot points and themes that will likely impact the overall story arc.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected interactions between the characters and the Young Girl's unpredictable actions.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the protagonist's primal instincts for survival conflicting with the societal norms and interactions of the regulars at the restaurant.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, including fear, curiosity, and intrigue. The mysterious young girl and the dark setting create a sense of unease and suspense, engaging the audience on an emotional level. The emotional impact adds depth to the scene and leaves a lasting impression.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue in the scene is engaging and serves to build the atmosphere and tension. The conversations between the regulars at the restaurant provide insight into the mysterious young girl's presence and hint at a larger mystery. The dialogue effectively conveys the tone and themes of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the intriguing character of the Young Girl, the tension between survival instincts and societal interactions, and the dynamic dialogue between the characters.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and moving the plot forward at a steady pace.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with proper scene headings, action lines, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear descriptions, character introductions, and dialogue that advances the plot.


Critique
  • The scene does a good job of setting up the Young Girl's character through her appearance and actions, but could benefit from more insight into her emotions and motivations.
  • The introduction of Benny Hammond and the elderly regulars adds depth to the setting, but their dialogue feels a bit cliched and could be more engaging.
  • There is a missed opportunity to delve deeper into the Young Girl's backstory and the reasons behind her appearance in the woods and at the restaurant.
  • The scene could build more tension and suspense by hinting at the Young Girl's mysterious past and potential danger she may pose.
  • The transition between the woods, the road, and the restaurant could be smoother to create a more seamless flow of the Young Girl's journey.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding internal thoughts or reactions from the Young Girl to provide insight into her character and create a stronger emotional connection with the audience.
  • Revise the dialogue of Benny Hammond and the elderly regulars to make it more unique and engaging, avoiding cliches and stereotypes.
  • Expand on the Young Girl's backstory and motivations to add depth to her character and create intrigue for the audience.
  • Introduce subtle hints or clues about the Young Girl's past and potential abilities to build suspense and mystery in the scene.
  • Work on smoother transitions between the different locations to enhance the flow of the Young Girl's journey and maintain the audience's engagement.



Scene 21 -  Caught in the Act
EXT. BACK OF BENNY’S RESTAURANT - MOMENTS LATER

The Girl sneaks around the back of the restaurant.

There is a GIANT ROTTWEILER lying out front of the back door.
Its fat belly rises and falls. Rises and falls. It’s asleep.

The Girl watches it for a moment. Makes sure it doesn’t wake.

And then sneaks inside.

INT. FISH ‘N FRY - KITCHEN - MOMENTS LATER

The Young Girl finds herself in a greasy kitchen. FRENCH
FRIES sizzle in a deep fryer. Oil SPITS. She startles.

She hurries past and pushes through a door into...

A STORAGE ROOM.

A RUSTY FREEZER hums against the back wall.

The Girl yanks back on the handle. It yawns open.

Her eyes shoot wide. The shelves are packed with FRESH FISH.

She snatches up a DEEPWATER COD. So big that she can hardly
hold it in her tiny hands. She turns it over onto its side,
studies it, smells it. Has she never seen fish before?

She bites its fat glistening belly and --

Freezes again. Listening.

BENNY (O.S.)
Sticking with Narragansett, Earl?

REGULAR #2 (O.S.)
Ya gotta ask?

She hears LUMBERING FOOTSTEPS. Someone is coming this way.

She grabs up as many fish as she can carry and --

INT. FISH ‘N FRY - KITCHEN

The Girl charges back into the kitchen. Fish in arms.

Benny spots her. Shouts:

BENNY
HEY -- !

The Girl bolts for the back door.
TV She knocks
Calling - Forover the DEEP
educational purposes only
FRYER and sends a RAIN OF HOT OIL splashing onto the floor.
32.

Benny leaps away. Narrowly avoiding the oil.

BENNY (CONT’D)
SONOFA -- !

EXT. BACK OF BENNY’S RESTAURANT - MOMENTS LATER

WHOOM! The Girl explodes out the screen door and --

Crashes to a halt. THE ROTTWEILER stands in her path. Awake.

It bares its teeth and snarls angrily and --

WHAM! Benny grabs the Girl by the shoulders.

BENNY
Think you can steal from me, boy!

Benny whirls her around. His expression promptly softens as
he realizes that this is no boy at all. It’s also not a girl
either, not exactly, at least not like any he has ever seen.

Regulars #2, drawn by the commotion, steps outside.

REGULAR #2
What’d you catch there, Benny?

Benny looks back at the Young Girl. She writhes in his arms.

He notices her hospital gown. Spattered in BLOOD.

BENNY
...I got no idea.
Genres: ["Horror","Thriller","Mystery"]

Summary A starving young girl steals a cod from Benny's Restaurant and is confronted by the owner, Benny, and a Rottweiler. Benny discovers she is a girl in a blood-stained hospital gown.
Strengths
  • Effective tension-building
  • Intriguing introduction of new character
  • Mysterious atmosphere
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue could be more impactful

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene effectively builds tension, introduces a new character, and leaves the audience wanting to know more. The mix of genres and tones keeps the audience engaged.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a mysterious Young Girl sneaking into a restaurant and being caught by the owner is intriguing and sets up potential conflicts and developments.

Plot: 9

The plot advances with the introduction of the Young Girl and the conflict with Benny. It adds a new layer to the overall story and keeps the audience engaged.

Originality: 9

The scene is original in its portrayal of a young girl stealing food in a dangerous situation. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and add to the realism of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters of the Young Girl and Benny are well-defined and their interaction adds depth to the scene. The mystery surrounding the Young Girl makes her character intriguing.

Character Changes: 6

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the introduction of the Young Girl sets up potential growth and development for her character in future scenes.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to steal fish from the restaurant's freezer. This reflects her desperation and need for food or resources.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to avoid getting caught while stealing the fish. This reflects the immediate challenge she is facing in the scene.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between the Young Girl and Benny adds tension and intrigue to the scene. It sets up potential developments and keeps the audience engaged.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing multiple obstacles and challenges while trying to steal the fish.

High Stakes: 7

The high stakes are established through the mysterious presence of the Young Girl and the potential conflicts with Benny. It raises questions and keeps the audience invested.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing a new character and setting up potential conflicts and developments. It adds depth to the overall narrative.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected obstacles and challenges the protagonist faces while stealing the fish.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the protagonist's moral dilemma of stealing food to survive. It challenges her values and beliefs about right and wrong.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes fear, anxiety, and curiosity in the audience, creating an emotional impact that drives engagement and interest.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue between Benny and the Young Girl is effective in conveying tension and mystery. It sets up their dynamic and hints at potential conflicts.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its fast-paced action, suspenseful atmosphere, and high stakes for the protagonist.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is fast and tense, keeping the reader engaged and building suspense effectively.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and easy to follow, enhancing the reader's understanding of the action.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, building tension and suspense effectively.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear transition from the previous scene, making it feel disjointed and abrupt.
  • The introduction of the Giant Rottweiler and the Young Girl sneaking into the restaurant feels cliche and lacks originality.
  • The dialogue between Benny and Regular #2 feels forced and unnatural, lacking depth and authenticity.
  • The action sequences involving the Girl grabbing fish and the hot oil splashing onto the floor feel rushed and chaotic, diminishing the impact of the scene.
  • The characterization of the Young Girl as unique and mysterious is intriguing, but it is not fully explored or developed in this scene.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a smoother transition from the previous scene to create a more cohesive narrative flow.
  • Explore more original and nuanced ways to introduce the Young Girl and her interaction with Benny to avoid cliches.
  • Focus on developing more authentic and meaningful dialogue between characters to enhance the emotional depth of the scene.
  • Slow down the pacing of the action sequences to build tension and suspense, allowing the audience to fully engage with the Girl's actions.
  • Delve deeper into the characterization of the Young Girl to create a more compelling and mysterious presence in the scene.



Scene 22 -  Science Class Interrupted
INT. MONTAUK MIDDLE SCHOOL - SCIENCE CLASS - DAY

MR. CLARKE, 30s, paces in front of a middle school class.

He is magnetic, smart. Handsome too. The girls ogle.

MR. CLARKE
Who here enjoys mysteries?

All of the girls immediately shoot up their hands. Most of
the boys do too, including Mike, Lucas, and Dustin.

MR. CLARKE (CONT’D)
Good, good. Because I want you to
start thinking of this class as an
investigation into the greatest
mysteries known to man. You’ll need
to learn to think beyond your own
senses. This means using your
imagination. TV Calling - For educational purposes only
(MORE)
33.
MR. CLARKE (CONT’D)
I don’t know how many of you
watched Cosmos like I asked...
(more hands)
...You may remember something Carl
Sagan said: ”Imagination will often
carry us to worlds that never were,
but without it... we go nowhere-- “

A SHARP KNOCKING SOUND interrupts. Mr. Clarke turns.

The VICE PRINCIPAL is standing in the doorway.

VICE PRINCIPAL
Sorry to interrupt... may I borrow
Michael, Lucas, and Dustin?

Chief Hopper and Deputy Callahan now step into view.

The stunned class looks from the cops to our kids.

Mike, Lucas, and Dustin stare.

HOPPER (PRE-LAP)
...So you were...racing?
Genres: ["Mystery","Drama","Thriller"]

Summary Mr. Clarke, a dynamic teacher, encourages his students to use imagination and curiosity in science. However, the exciting atmosphere is disrupted by the arrival of authority figures who take Mike, Lucas, and Dustin away, raising questions about what lies ahead.
Strengths
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Mystery setup
  • Introduction of key characters
Weaknesses
  • Lack of significant character development in this scene

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively sets up the central conflict of the story and introduces key characters and themes. The dialogue is engaging and the tone is consistent with the overall genre of the screenplay.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a missing child and the involvement of the police in a small town setting is a classic mystery setup that immediately draws the audience in.

Plot: 7

The plot moves forward as the investigation into the missing child begins, creating tension and intrigue.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the traditional classroom setting by focusing on mysteries and imagination. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 7

The characters are introduced in a way that hints at their personalities and motivations, setting up potential character arcs.

Character Changes: 6

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the setup for potential growth and development is established.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to engage his students in the concept of using their imagination to explore mysteries. This reflects his desire to inspire curiosity and critical thinking in his students.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to teach his class about the importance of imagination and critical thinking. This reflects the immediate challenge of capturing the students' attention and fostering a love for learning.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict of a missing child and the involvement of the police creates tension and sets up the central mystery of the story.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the sudden interruption by the vice principal and the presence of Chief Hopper and Deputy Callahan adding tension and conflict.

High Stakes: 7

The high stakes of a missing child and the involvement of the police create a sense of urgency and importance in the scene.

Story Forward: 8

The scene effectively moves the story forward by introducing the central conflict and setting up the investigation into the missing child.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the sudden interruption by the vice principal and the introduction of Chief Hopper and Deputy Callahan.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between the traditional approach to education and the protagonist's more creative and imaginative teaching style. This challenges the students' beliefs about learning and encourages them to think beyond the norm.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The emotional impact is moderate as the audience is drawn into the mystery and concern for the missing child.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is engaging and serves to move the plot forward while also revealing key information about the characters.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the witty dialogue, dynamic character interactions, and the introduction of a mysterious element.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and engaging the audience with the introduction of new characters and conflicts.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of the scene is clear and easy to follow, with proper scene headings and character actions.

Structure: 9

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for a classroom setting, with clear character introductions and dialogue.


Critique
  • The transition from the previous scene to this one feels abrupt and disjointed. There is a lack of connection between the two scenes, making it feel like a jarring shift for the audience.
  • The introduction of Mr. Clarke as a character is interesting, but the description of him as 'magnetic, smart, and handsome' feels a bit cliched and superficial. It would be more effective to show these qualities through his actions and interactions with the students.
  • The dialogue from Mr. Clarke about mysteries and imagination is a bit on-the-nose and could be more subtly integrated into the scene. It comes across as a lecture rather than natural classroom dialogue.
  • The interruption by the Vice Principal and the sudden appearance of Chief Hopper and Deputy Callahan feels forced and contrived. The transition could be smoother and more organic to maintain the flow of the scene.
  • The reaction of Mike, Lucas, and Dustin to the arrival of Chief Hopper and Deputy Callahan is not clearly conveyed. More emphasis on their emotions and thoughts in this moment would add depth to their characters.
Suggestions
  • Consider revising the transition between scenes to create a more seamless connection and flow.
  • Show Mr. Clarke's qualities through his actions and interactions rather than relying on superficial descriptions.
  • Integrate the themes of mysteries and imagination more organically into the dialogue to avoid sounding didactic.
  • Work on making the introduction of Chief Hopper and Deputy Callahan feel more natural and less abrupt in the context of the classroom setting.
  • Focus on the emotional reactions of Mike, Lucas, and Dustin to the arrival of the authorities to add depth and complexity to their characters.



Scene 23 -  The Boys' Interrogation
INT. PRINCIPAL’S OFFICE - A FEW MINUTES LATER

Our three boys are now scrunched together on a couch.

Hopper and Callahan sit opposite.

DUSTIN
It was me and him, actually --

LUCAS
My house is the first up -

MIKE
He takes Mirkwood home --

DUSTIN
We were racing on a bet and --

HOPPER
Whoa, whoa, WHOA. One at a time.
(points at Mike)
You. You said he takes... what?

MIKE
Mirkwood --

HOPPER
Mirkwood?
(to Callahan) TV Calling - For educational purposes only
You ever hear of a Mirkwood?
34.

CALLAHAN
Sounds made up.

LUCAS
It’s from Lord of the Rings --

DUSTIN
The Hobbit --

LUCAS
It doesn’t matter -- !

DUSTIN
He asked -- !

HOPPER
Hey! What’d I just say? One at a
goddamn time.

He points at Mike.

HOPPER (CONT’D)
You.

MIKE
Mirkwood. It’s a real road. It’s
just the name that’s made-up --

HOPPER
What’s it’s real name?

MIKE
I don’t know. It’s by Camp Hero.
Where Crook’s Cove and Kerley meet.

Hop jots this information down onto his pad.

HOPPER
Yeah, I think I know it.

MIKE
We can show you --

HOOPER
I said I know it.

MIKE
We could help look --

Hopper looks up at Mike sharply.

HOPPER
No -- after school, you go straight
home. All of you. TV Calling - For educational purposes only
35.

He looks at the other boys. Making eye contact with each.

HOPPER (CONT’D)
That means no biking around looking
for your friend, no investigating,
no nonsense. This isn’t some Hobbit
book. I make myself clear?
(the boys share looks)
I make myself clear?

The boys share looks. Worried. Shaken by his tone.

They nod.
Genres: ["Drama","Mystery","Thriller"]

Summary Hopper questions the boys about their missing friend. They mention Mirkwood and offer to show Hopper. Despite their eagerness to help, Hopper insists they go home after school. The boys reluctantly agree, feeling worried and intimidated.
Strengths
  • Tense dialogue
  • Establishing urgency and seriousness
  • Character interactions
Weaknesses
  • Lack of significant character development
  • Limited physical action

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively conveys the seriousness of the situation and establishes tension through the dialogue and interactions between the characters.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of an interrogation by Chief Hopper to gather information about a missing friend is well-executed and adds depth to the overall mystery.

Plot: 7

The plot progresses as Chief Hopper gathers information from the boys, setting the stage for further developments in the search for the missing friend.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a unique blend of fantasy literature references in a contemporary setting, adding depth and complexity to the characters' interactions. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue enhances the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters, especially Chief Hopper, are well-defined and their interactions reveal their personalities and motivations.

Character Changes: 6

While there is not a significant character change in this scene, Chief Hopper's authoritative demeanor and the boys' reactions hint at potential growth and development.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to protect his friends and find their missing friend. This reflects his loyalty, bravery, and sense of responsibility towards his friends.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to find their missing friend and solve the mystery of his disappearance. This reflects the immediate challenge they are facing and the danger their friend might be in.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between the boys' desire to help their friend and Chief Hopper's warning to stay out of danger creates tension and suspense.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing resistance from authority figures, conflicting motivations among the characters, and the looming threat of danger to their friend.

High Stakes: 8

The high stakes of finding the missing friend and the potential dangers involved are emphasized through Chief Hopper's warning to the boys.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by gathering crucial information about the missing friend and setting the stage for further investigation.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting power dynamics, unexpected revelations, and the uncertain outcome of the investigation.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict is between following rules and authority versus taking risks and investigating to help a friend. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs in following orders versus doing what is right.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes concern and worry from the characters, as well as the audience, about the missing friend and the potential dangers ahead.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is sharp, tense, and effectively conveys the urgency of the situation, as well as the authority of Chief Hopper.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the high stakes, tense interactions, and the mystery surrounding the missing friend. The sense of danger and urgency keeps the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building suspense, maintaining tension, and keeping the audience engaged in the unfolding drama.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a dramatic confrontation scene in a school setting, with clear character motivations and conflicts driving the action.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear sense of urgency or tension considering the boys are discussing their missing friend. The dialogue feels a bit disjointed and lacks a natural flow, with interruptions and overlapping lines that can be confusing for the audience.
  • The dialogue could be more focused on conveying important information about the missing friend and the location they are discussing. There is too much emphasis on correcting each other and explaining references to 'Lord of the Rings' and 'The Hobbit', which detracts from the main plot point.
  • The scene could benefit from more emotional depth and character development, especially considering the boys are worried about their friend. Adding moments of vulnerability or fear could help the audience connect with the characters on a deeper level.
  • The interaction between Hopper and the boys could be more dynamic and engaging. Hopper's authoritative tone is clear, but there could be more subtlety in his approach to handling the situation, especially when dealing with children who are concerned about their missing friend.
  • The scene could use more visual cues or actions to break up the dialogue and add visual interest. Incorporating gestures, facial expressions, or movements could enhance the scene and make it more engaging for the audience.
Suggestions
  • Streamline the dialogue to focus on the essential information about the missing friend and the location they are discussing. Cut down on unnecessary interruptions and explanations.
  • Add emotional depth to the scene by exploring the boys' feelings of worry and fear for their friend. Show their vulnerability and concern through their actions and dialogue.
  • Enhance the interaction between Hopper and the boys by adding more nuance to his character. Consider how he can show empathy and understanding while still maintaining authority.
  • Introduce visual cues or actions to break up the dialogue and add visual interest. Use gestures, facial expressions, and movements to enhance the scene and make it more dynamic.
  • Consider building up the tension and urgency in the scene to reflect the gravity of the situation. Create a sense of suspense and concern that keeps the audience engaged.



Scene 24 -  Benny Meets Eleven
INT. BENNY’S FISH ‘N FRY - KITCHEN - DAY

SNAP-HISS! An Atlantic Cod fries in oil. Benny tends it.

INT. DINING AREA - MOMENTS LATER

Benny slides a plate of FISH AND CHIPS to the Young Girl.

She is seated at a table in the dining room. It is just her
now; the regulars are gone. Her gown has been replaced with
a “Fish ‘N Fry” T-shirt. It droops to her knees like a dress.

The Young Girl stares at the food with wide eyes.

BENNY
Figured you’re gonna eat my food
anyway, might as well eat it right.

The Young Girl reaches out to pick up the fish but...

BENNY (CONT’D)
I said, right.

Benny splashes HOT SAUCE onto the fish. He nods. “Okay.”

The Girl snatches up the fish and devours it. No utensils.

BENNY (CONT’D)
Your parents forget to feed you?

The Girl doesn’t respond. Just keeps eating.

BENNY (CONT’D)
That why you ran away?

Still nothing.

BENNY (CONT’D)
They... hurt you?
TV Calling - For educational purposes only
Nothing.
36.

BENNY (CONT’D)
And... you went to the hospital,
that it? But you got scared, ran
off, found your way here?

The Girl finally looks up at Benny. Has he hit close to the
mark? It seems like she is finally going to speak, but
instead she nudges her empty plate over to Benny.

The message is clear: “more.”

BENNY (CONT’D)
How ‘bout this: you get more, much
as you like, but first, you gotta
answer a few ‘a my questions. We
got a deal?

No response.

BENNY (CONT’D)
We’ll start easy. My name’s Benny.
Benny Henderson.

He holds out his hand. Wraps it around her tiny hand.

BENNY (CONT’D)
Nice to meet ya. And you are...?

Still no response. Benny sighs. He starts to withdraw his
hand when he notices a SMALL TATTOO on the inside of her
lower left wrist. It reads in simple black lettering: 011.

BENNY (CONT’D)
“Eleven”?

The Young Girl yanks her hand away.

BENNY (CONT’D)
What’s that mean?

YOUNG GIRL
No.

BENNY
Well I’ll be damned. She speaks.
(beat, considers)
No? No what?

Still nothing.

BENNY (CONT’D)
Alright, guess “no” more fish then.

Benny takes her plate and startsTVto walks- away
Calling when:
For educational purposes only
37.

YOUNG GIRL
...Eleven.

Benny turns back around.

BENNY
Eleven. Yeah. What’s it mean?

The Young Girl points to herself.

YOUNG GIRL
Eleven.
Genres: ["Drama","Mystery","Thriller"]

Summary Benny serves Eleven a meal and tries to get her to open up. When he notices the tattoo on her wrist, she finally speaks, identifying herself as 'Eleven'.
Strengths
  • Intriguing character dynamics
  • Mysterious atmosphere
  • Subtle storytelling
Weaknesses
  • Limited plot progression
  • Minimal dialogue

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene effectively establishes a sense of mystery and intrigue through minimal dialogue, subtle actions, and the enigmatic nature of the young girl, Eleven. The interaction between Eleven and Benny is captivating and leaves the audience wanting to know more about her backstory and the significance of the number 'Eleven'. The tone is consistent and keeps the viewers engaged throughout.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of introducing a mysterious young girl with the name 'Eleven' and minimal dialogue creates a unique and intriguing dynamic in the scene. The interaction between Eleven and Benny sets the stage for a deeper exploration of the girl's past and the mysteries surrounding her character. The concept is executed effectively, drawing the audience into the enigmatic world of Eleven.

Plot: 8

While the scene focuses more on character interaction and mystery than plot progression, it sets the stage for future developments by introducing the character of Eleven and hinting at her mysterious background. The scene adds depth to the overall narrative by introducing a new element of intrigue and setting up potential storylines involving Eleven's past and connection to the number 'Eleven'.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the trope of a mysterious character with a troubled past, focusing on the subtle dynamics between the protagonist and the Young Girl. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Eleven and Benny are well-defined and intriguing, with Eleven's enigmatic nature contrasting with Benny's curiosity and empathy. Eleven's minimal dialogue and guarded demeanor create a sense of mystery and intrigue, while Benny's attempts to connect with her add depth to their interaction. The characters are engaging and leave a lasting impression on the audience.

Character Changes: 7

While Eleven's character remains guarded and enigmatic throughout the scene, there is a subtle shift in her demeanor as she begins to open up to Benny and reveal a glimpse of her past through the tattoo on her wrist. Benny's character also undergoes a change as he becomes more intrigued and empathetic towards Eleven, setting the stage for a deeper connection between the two characters.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to connect with the Young Girl and understand her story. This reflects Benny's deeper desire to help and care for others, as well as his curiosity about the Young Girl's past.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to feed the Young Girl and potentially gain information about her background. This reflects the immediate challenge of establishing a connection with the Young Girl and potentially helping her.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The scene contains internal conflict within Eleven as she grapples with revealing information about her past and maintaining her guarded demeanor. The tension between Eleven and Benny also adds an element of external conflict as Benny tries to uncover the girl's secrets while she remains elusive. The conflict drives the scene forward and keeps the audience engaged.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create conflict and tension, as the Young Girl's reluctance to communicate challenges Benny's attempts to connect with her. The uncertainty of her past adds to the opposition.

High Stakes: 6

While the stakes are not explicitly high in this scene, the mystery surrounding Eleven's character and the potential dangers she may face create a sense of tension and intrigue. The audience is invested in uncovering the girl's past and understanding the significance of the number 'Eleven', adding a layer of suspense to the scene.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by introducing the character of Eleven and hinting at her mysterious past and connection to the number 'Eleven'. The interaction between Eleven and Benny sets up potential storylines involving the girl's backstory and the secrets she holds, adding depth to the overall narrative and driving the plot towards future developments.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the Young Girl's enigmatic behavior and the gradual reveal of her past. The audience is kept guessing about her motivations and the outcome of the interaction with Benny.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the Young Girl's reluctance to open up about her past and Benny's persistence in trying to understand her. This challenges Benny's belief in the power of communication and empathy.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, including curiosity, fear, and hope, as the audience is drawn into Eleven's mysterious world and the enigmatic nature of her character. The interaction between Eleven and Benny creates a sense of empathy and intrigue, leaving the viewers emotionally invested in uncovering the girl's past and the significance of the number 'Eleven'.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue in the scene is minimal but impactful, with Eleven's sparse responses and Benny's probing questions creating a tense and mysterious atmosphere. The dialogue effectively conveys the characters' emotions and motivations, drawing the audience into their interaction and building intrigue around Eleven's backstory and the significance of the number 'Eleven'.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the emotional stakes, the mystery surrounding the Young Girl, and the dynamic between the characters. The tension and curiosity created by the dialogue and actions keep the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, allowing for moments of quiet reflection and emotional depth. The rhythm of the dialogue and actions contributes to the scene's effectiveness.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of the scene is clear and concise, with effective use of scene headings, action lines, and dialogue. It follows the expected format for its genre, enhancing the readability and impact of the scene.

Structure: 9

The scene follows a clear structure with a setup, conflict, and resolution, effectively building tension and emotional depth. It adheres to the expected format for its genre of character-driven drama.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear sense of urgency or tension considering the circumstances surrounding the Young Girl's appearance and situation. There is an opportunity to heighten the suspense and mystery surrounding her character.
  • The dialogue between Benny and the Young Girl feels somewhat forced and lacks depth. It could be more impactful by delving into the emotional and psychological aspects of the Young Girl's experiences.
  • The interaction between Benny and the Young Girl could benefit from more subtext and nuance to create a more engaging and dynamic exchange.
  • The pacing of the scene could be improved to maintain the audience's interest and build anticipation for the revelation of the Young Girl's identity and backstory.
  • The visual descriptions could be enhanced to create a more vivid and immersive setting, adding to the overall atmosphere of the scene.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more layers to the dialogue between Benny and the Young Girl to explore her backstory and motivations in a more nuanced way.
  • Introduce subtle hints or clues about the Young Girl's identity and past to intrigue the audience and build suspense.
  • Enhance the emotional depth of the scene by focusing on the internal struggles and conflicts of the Young Girl, as well as Benny's empathy and curiosity towards her.
  • Adjust the pacing of the scene to maintain a sense of tension and intrigue, leading up to the revelation of the Young Girl's name and significance of the tattoo.
  • Revise the visual descriptions to create a more immersive and atmospheric setting that enhances the emotional impact of the scene.



Scene 25 -  A Stranger in the Restaurant
INT. FISH ‘N FRY - KITCHEN - DAY

Benny is now on a corded phone in the kitchen. Voice hushed.

More food SIZZLES behind him.

BENNY
...All I know is, poor thing’s
scared to death... confused...
(beat)
I’m tellin’ you Flor, she won’t
talk about her parents. She’s been
abused or kidnapped or somethin’.
You gotta get the Chief --
(beat)
I dont give two shits about a
missing kid, I got a found kid
right here -- I am calm --
(beat)
Yeah, yeah, I got a pen.

Benny grabs a pen from his pocket. Scrawls:

SOCIAL SERVICES. 233-555-4176.

BACK IN THE MAIN ROOM,

“Eleven” waits impatiently for the food. Her legs sway
beneath the table. Back and forth. Back and forth.

She becomes aware of a soft, high pitched noise. Eeeee. Eeee.
Eeee. She looks up. It’s the SCREEN DOOR. The wind is gently
blowing it, causing its hinges to SQUEAK. Eeeee. Eeee. Eeeee.

It is incessant. Annoying. Eleven narrows her eyes and --

The door stops mid-swing. Like it somehow froze.

Eleven looks away. Content now.

TV Calling - For educational purposes only
38.
Genres: ["Drama","Mystery","Thriller"]

Summary Benny whispers into a phone, fearing for a lost child's safety. In the main room, Eleven waits anxiously. A squeaky screen door catches her attention, but inexplicably halts mid-swing, leaving her gazing thoughtfully onward.
Strengths
  • Intriguing introduction of a new character
  • Effective use of sound and visual cues to create tension
  • Compelling character dynamics between Eleven and Benny
Weaknesses
  • Some elements of the scene may be predictable or cliched

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively introduces a new character, builds suspense, and sets up potential conflicts and mysteries to be explored in the story. The use of sound and visual cues adds depth to the scene, creating a sense of unease and curiosity.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of finding a mysterious girl in distress adds a new layer of intrigue to the story. The scene effectively sets up potential storylines and character dynamics to be explored further.

Plot: 7

The plot advances as Eleven is found and brought to safety, setting up potential conflicts and mysteries surrounding her character. The scene also hints at larger story arcs involving missing children and mysterious figures.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh take on the found child trope by focusing on the emotional and ethical dilemmas faced by the characters. The dialogue feels authentic and the setting adds depth to the characters' actions.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters of Eleven and Benny are introduced with depth and complexity. Eleven's mysterious background and Benny's caring nature create a compelling dynamic that adds depth to the story.

Character Changes: 7

Eleven undergoes a subtle change as she begins to open up to Benny after initially being closed off. Benny's character also shows growth as he takes on the responsibility of helping Eleven despite the potential risks.

Internal Goal: 8

Benny's internal goal is to protect and care for the found child, showing his compassion and sense of responsibility.

External Goal: 7

Benny's external goal is to get help for the found child by contacting social services, reflecting the immediate challenge of ensuring the child's safety.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The scene introduces conflicts related to Eleven's mysterious background and potential dangers she may face. The tension between helping Eleven and the risks involved creates a sense of urgency and suspense.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene comes from the bureaucratic process of contacting social services, adding a layer of conflict and challenge for the characters.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are high as Eleven is found in a distressed state, hinting at potential dangers and mysteries surrounding her character. The decision to help Eleven despite the risks involved raises the stakes for the characters.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by introducing a new character and setting up potential conflicts and mysteries to be explored. The discovery of Eleven adds a new layer of complexity to the narrative.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twist with the frozen door, adding a sense of mystery and tension.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between the duty to protect and care for the found child versus the bureaucratic process of contacting social services. This challenges Benny's values of immediate action versus following protocol.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes emotions of fear, concern, and hope as Eleven is found in a distressed state. The caring nature of Benny towards Eleven adds emotional depth to the scene.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue effectively conveys the urgency and concern of the characters, adding to the tension of the scene. The interactions between Benny and Eleven reveal important information about their characters.

Engagement: 8

This scene is engaging because of the suspenseful dialogue, sensory descriptions, and the mystery surrounding the found child.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene builds tension effectively, with a balance of dialogue, action, and sensory details.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene headings, dialogue formatting, and action descriptions.

Structure: 9

The scene follows a clear structure with a buildup of tension, resolution of the phone call, and a sensory detail that adds to the atmosphere.


Critique
  • The dialogue between Benny and Flor on the phone feels a bit exposition-heavy and could be more subtly integrated into the conversation.
  • The description of Eleven waiting impatiently for the food and swaying her legs feels a bit repetitive and could be condensed for a more impactful scene.
  • The sound of the screen door squeaking is a nice touch to create tension, but the description of it stopping mid-swing could be further developed to enhance the suspense.
  • The transition from Eleven being annoyed by the door to suddenly being content feels a bit abrupt and could be smoother to maintain the flow of the scene.
  • The use of sound, like the high pitched noise of the screen door, is effective in creating atmosphere, but could be further utilized to build tension and suspense.
Suggestions
  • Consider restructuring the dialogue between Benny and Flor to make it more natural and less exposition-heavy.
  • Condense the description of Eleven waiting for the food to make it more impactful and avoid repetition.
  • Enhance the description of the screen door stopping mid-swing to increase suspense and create a more chilling effect.
  • Smooth out the transition from Eleven being annoyed to suddenly content to maintain the flow of the scene.
  • Continue to utilize sound elements like the screen door squeaking to enhance the atmosphere and build tension throughout the scene.



Scene 26 -  Searching for Will
EXT. FOREST ROAD - DAY

WHOOSH! TWO POLICE CARS speed down the road.

EXT. FOREST ROAD - DAY

The cars pull off onto the side of the road.

Hopper, Callahan, and Powell step outside.

EXT. MIRKWOOD SHORTCUT - A FEW MINUTES LATER

Hopper trudges down the road, searching for signs of Will.

Behind him, we can see Callahan and Powell. They call out:

CALLAHAN
Will Byers?! WILL BYERS?!

POWELL
WILL -- ?!

Hopper pulls a vial out of his pocket. Pops two more of those
red and blue pills. And...

He suddenly spots something. Kneels down. There are FAINT
SKID MARKS ON THE PAVEMENT. Too narrow for a car. A bike.

He calls out to Callahan and Powell.

HOPPER
Hey, I got something here...

Hopper tracks the skid marks off the road and into...

THE FOREST.

Hop makes his way down the slope. Sure enough, he finds
WILL’S BICYCLE at the bottom. He brushes leaves away,
revealing the front wheel. It is bent, spokes busted.

Callahan and Powell scramble down after him.

CALLAHAN
Shit. That his bike, Chief?

HOPPER
(nods)
Wheel’s busted. Musta crashed.

CALLAHAN
Think he got hurt in the fall?

Hopper looks back up the slope. TV
Squints
Callingin the educational
- For sun. purposes only
39.

HOPPER
Not so hurt he couldn’t make it
home. And a bike to these kids...
that’s like a Cadillac. Doesn’t
make sense he’d leave it out here.
He’d walk it home.

A beat. Then:

HOPPER (CONT’D)
He was in hurry.
Genres: ["Mystery","Thriller","Drama"]

Summary Police officers Hopper, Callahan, and Powell search for Will in the forest after finding his broken bicycle and skid marks on the road.
Strengths
  • Building tension
  • Mystery elements
  • Realistic character portrayals
Weaknesses
  • Lack of standout dialogue
  • Limited character development

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively builds tension and sets up a crucial plot point in the search for Will, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the outcome.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of searching for a missing child in a mysterious forest setting is compelling and drives the narrative forward.

Plot: 9

The plot is well-developed, with the discovery of Will's bicycle adding a new layer of mystery and raising the stakes for the characters.

Originality: 7

The scene introduces a familiar situation of a missing child but adds a fresh approach through the characters' interactions and the discovery of the bike in the forest.


Character Development

Characters: 7

The characters, particularly Chief Hopper, are portrayed realistically and show determination in their search for Will.

Character Changes: 6

While there is not significant character development in this scene, Chief Hopper's determination to find Will is highlighted.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to find Will Byers and ensure his safety. This reflects his deeper need to protect the people in his community and his fear of failing to do so.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to locate Will Byers and determine what happened to him. This reflects the immediate challenge of a missing child in the town.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict of finding Will and the tension of the search create a sense of urgency and suspense in the scene.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong as the characters face the challenge of finding a missing child in the forest.

High Stakes: 8

The high stakes of finding a missing child and the urgency of the search add tension and suspense to the scene.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by revealing new clues and escalating the search for Will.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it leaves the audience unsure of what happened to Will Byers and how the characters will proceed in their search.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

There is a philosophical conflict between the characters' belief in the safety of the town and the reality of a missing child. This challenges the protagonist's worldview of being able to protect everyone in the community.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes feelings of concern and anticipation as the characters search for the missing boy.

Dialogue: 6

The dialogue is functional and serves to move the plot forward, but lacks standout moments or memorable lines.

Engagement: 8

This scene is engaging because it raises questions about Will Byers' whereabouts and creates suspense through the characters' search.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining a sense of urgency and tension throughout the characters' search for Will Byers.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene headings and character actions.

Structure: 9

The scene follows the expected structure for a mystery genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a sense of urgency and tension considering the circumstances of a missing child. The pacing could be improved to heighten the suspense and keep the audience engaged.
  • There is a missed opportunity to delve deeper into the emotional impact of finding Will's bicycle in the forest. More emphasis on the characters' reactions and thoughts could enhance the scene.
  • The dialogue feels somewhat generic and could be more specific to each character's personality and relationship with Will. Adding more depth to the interactions between Hopper, Callahan, and Powell would make the scene more compelling.
  • The visual descriptions are minimal, missing an opportunity to create a vivid and immersive setting. Adding more sensory details could help bring the forest road to life and enhance the atmosphere.
  • The scene could benefit from more character development, particularly in showcasing Hopper's determination and investigative skills. Providing insights into his thought process and emotions would add depth to his character.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more suspenseful elements such as eerie sounds, ominous visuals, or unexpected discoveries along the forest road to create a more gripping atmosphere.
  • Enhance the dialogue by infusing it with character-specific traits, motivations, and conflicts to make the interactions more dynamic and engaging.
  • Expand on the emotional impact of finding Will's bicycle by exploring the characters' reactions, thoughts, and fears, adding layers to their relationships and personalities.
  • Include more detailed visual descriptions to paint a vivid picture of the forest road, utilizing sensory details to immerse the audience in the setting and enhance the overall mood.
  • Focus on character development by delving deeper into Hopper's mindset, showcasing his determination, vulnerabilities, and personal stakes in finding Will to make the scene more emotionally resonant.



Scene 27 -  Lonnie's Avoidance and Hopper's Arrival
EXT. MONTAUK BEACH - A FEW MOMENTS LATER

Hopper and the Deputies walk out onto the beach.

A TRAIL OF FOOTPRINTS lead up a dune toward:

The Byers House.

INT. BYERS HOUSE - KITCHEN - AFTERNOON

Joyce paces in the kitchen. Back and forth. Back and forth.

The wall phone is pressed hard to her ear. Its cord stretches
as she walks. She drags hard on a cigarette while it rings on
the other end. And rings. And...

CLICK. The other line picks up.

JOYCE
Lonnie, Thank God. It’s Joyce --

Her face drops. A MUFFLED FEMALE VOICE is on the other end.

JOYCE (CONT’D)
Who is this?
(listens in disgust)
Cynthia?
(beat)
This is Joyce -- Joyce, Lonnie’s ex-
wife. I need to speak to Lonnie --
(beat)
This is an emergency... no, not
later, now bitch --

CLICK. The phone goes dead. Joyce burns with anger.

She dials the number again, mashing each number with her long
fingernails. The phone rings. But this time no one answers.

It goes to message.

TV Calling - For educational purposes only
40.

MALE VOICE (O.S.)
(filtered)
Hey, you’ve reached Lonnie, I’m not
here at the moment but...

Joyce’s rage rises and rises and...

BEEP. Her turn.

JOYCE
Lonnie, it’s Joyce. Some teenage
whore sayin’ she’s your girlfriend
just hung up on me. You don’t call
me back in the next goddamn hour
I’ll report you for not paying
child support I swear to God I will
and I’ll make sure you rot in jail
where you belong you FUCKING PIECE
OF SHIT --

WHAM! Joyce slams the phone down and --

BRRRRING! The phone blares again. That was fast. She answers.

JOYCE (CONT’D)
Lonnie --

But there is no response. Only static. The kitchen lights
flicker, then return to normal. Joyce stares. What the -- ?

BAM BAM BAM. THERE IS A SUDDEN POUNDING ON THE DOOR.

Joyce startles.

MOMENTS LATER.

Joyce swings open the door. Her face drops.

It is Hopper and the Deputies. Hopper has Will’s Bike.
Genres: ["Drama","Mystery","Thriller"]

Summary Joyce desperately attempts to contact Lonnie regarding unpaid child support but is confronted by an unknown woman claiming to be his girlfriend. Enraged, she leaves a threatening message. Shortly after, Hopper and the Deputies arrive at her doorstep, bearing Will's bicycle.
Strengths
  • Intense emotional depth
  • Compelling character dynamics
  • Mystery and suspense elements
Weaknesses
  • Some potentially offensive language

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively builds tension and sets up further developments in the plot with strong emotional beats and intriguing mysteries.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a mother desperately trying to reach her ex-husband for help in finding her missing son while encountering unexpected obstacles is compelling and drives the emotional core of the scene.

Plot: 8

The plot advances significantly as Joyce's desperation and anger escalate, leading to the arrival of Hopper and the Deputies with new information about Will's disappearance.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the theme of family dynamics and parental responsibility, with authentic and gritty dialogue that adds authenticity to the characters' actions.


Character Development

Characters: 7

The characters of Joyce and Hopper are well-developed in this scene, showcasing their motivations, emotions, and conflicts effectively.

Character Changes: 7

Joyce undergoes a significant emotional journey in this scene, from anger and frustration to a glimmer of hope with the arrival of Hopper and the Deputies.

Internal Goal: 8

Joyce's internal goal is to reach her ex-husband Lonnie and convey the urgency of the situation regarding their son. This reflects her fear of not being able to protect her child and her desire for support in a time of crisis.

External Goal: 7

Joyce's external goal is to get in touch with Lonnie to inform him about the emergency situation with their son. This reflects the immediate challenge she is facing in trying to ensure her son's safety.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between Joyce's need for help and the obstacles she faces, as well as the underlying mystery of Will's disappearance, create a high level of tension.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Joyce facing obstacles in reaching Lonnie and dealing with unexpected events that challenge her resolve.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high as Joyce desperately tries to find her missing son and faces unexpected challenges in the process.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by revealing new information about Will's disappearance and setting up further developments in the investigation.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in the phone conversations and the sudden pounding on the door, creating suspense and intrigue for the audience.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between Joyce's sense of responsibility as a parent and Lonnie's neglectful behavior. This challenges Joyce's beliefs about family and loyalty.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions from the audience, particularly through Joyce's raw and intense reactions to the situation.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is impactful, especially in conveying Joyce's frustration and determination, as well as the tense interaction between her and Hopper.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the high stakes, intense emotions, and fast-paced dialogue that keeps the audience on edge.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is well-crafted, with a balance of fast-paced dialogue and moments of suspense that maintain the audience's interest and drive the story forward.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of the scene is well-executed, with clear scene headings and descriptive action lines that enhance the visual storytelling.

Structure: 9

The scene follows a clear and engaging structure, building tension and conflict effectively to drive the narrative forward.


Critique
  • The scene transitions abruptly from the beach to the Byers house, which can be disorienting for the audience. Consider adding a smoother transition or establishing shot to connect the two locations.
  • The pacing of the scene feels rushed, with Joyce's dialogue and actions escalating quickly without much build-up. It may benefit from more moments of tension and suspense to create a more impactful emotional arc.
  • The dialogue between Joyce and the mysterious female voice on the phone feels somewhat forced and cliched, lacking depth and authenticity. Consider adding more nuance and subtlety to their interaction to make it more engaging for the audience.
  • The sudden pounding on the door at the end of the scene feels like a cliched horror movie trope and may come across as predictable. Try to subvert audience expectations or add a unique twist to make the moment more surprising and original.
  • The scene could benefit from more visual descriptions and sensory details to enhance the atmosphere and immerse the audience in the setting. Consider incorporating elements like sound, lighting, and character movements to create a more vivid and engaging scene.
Suggestions
  • Consider revising the scene to include a smoother transition between locations and improve the pacing to allow for more tension and suspense to build.
  • Work on developing more authentic and nuanced dialogue for Joyce's interactions on the phone to make the scene more compelling and realistic.
  • Explore ways to subvert cliches and add unique twists to key moments in the scene to keep the audience engaged and surprised.
  • Enhance the visual and sensory elements of the scene by incorporating more descriptive details to create a more immersive and atmospheric setting.
  • Consider revisiting the overall structure and pacing of the scene to ensure a more cohesive and impactful storytelling experience for the audience.



Scene 28 -  Byers' House Investigation
INT. BYERS HOUSE - VARIOUS - LATER

Hopper and his Deputies search the Byers’ house.

Joyce trails. On edge.

JOYCE
I don’t understand. Why’re you
here?! You’re wasting your time --

HOPPER
He’s got a key to the house?

TV Calling - For educational purposes only
41.

JOYCE
So what? You think I haven’t
checked my own goddamn house -- !

HOPPER
Never said you didn’t.

Hopper inspects the back door. The adjacent wall is dented,
the paint chipped. He opens the door; its handle aligns with
the damaged wall. Someone threw it open. Hard.

HOPPER (CONT’D)
This always here?

JOYCE
Probably. I got two boys. Just look
at this place --

HOPPER
But you’re not sure?

Joyce hesitates. Starts to respond when:

WHIMPERING ECHOES. COMING FROM OUTSIDE.

EXT. BYERS BACKYARD - DAY

Hopper and Joyce step of the screen door.

They find Chester pacing in front of the shed. Whimpering.

HOPPER
This normal?

JOYCE
Just hungry I’m sure. Come on...

Joyce leads Chester back to the house by his collar.

But Hopper doesn’t follow. Not yet.

His eyes turn to the shed.

INT. SHED - MOMENTS LATER

Hopper opens the shed doors. The wood groans.

Even though it is now day, it is still dark in here.

Hop flips a light switch. The naked light bulb hums to life.

He walks up to the rifle wall mount. The rifle is, of course,
missing. He inspects the mount. There are fingerprints in the
dust. Someone was here... recently.
TV Calling - For educational purposes only
42.

BZZZZ! THE LIGHT BULB BEGINS TO FLICKER.

Hopper turns and looks up at the light. It fluctuates,
growing bright, then dim, then bright, then dim, then --

WHOOM. THE LIGHT CUTS OUT. LEAVING US IN DARKNESS.

WE HEAR A FAINT GUTTURAL SOUND. LIKE SOME KIND OF GROWL.

Hopper looks around. The hell is that coming from?

HOPPER
That you buddy? You hungry?

Hop removes a flashlight from his utility belt, clicks it on,
and slowly sweeps its beam across the darkness. He makes out
nothing. But that sound, whatever the hell it is, persists.

It grows louder. Louder. LOUDER STILL. Overtaking all sounds.

The hairs on Hop’s slowly stand up. And then --

The beam illuminates an APPROACHING FIGURE.

Hop reaches for his gun but --

Deputy Callahan steps into the light.

DEPUTY CALLAHN
You deaf? I’ve been callin’ you.

Hopper is too shaken to respond. He looks back at the light
bulb. It flickers back to life. Returning to 48 Watts.

The strange guttural sound is gone. Like it never was.

DEPUTY CALLAHN (CONT’D)
Jesus, Chief. Your ear.

HOPPER
What?

DEPUTY CALLAHN
Your ear.

Hopper touches his ear. It’s bleeding.
Genres: ["Mystery","Thriller","Drama"]

Summary Hopper's investigation of the Byers' house reveals a forced entry and a missing rifle, creating a tense and unsettling atmosphere. Joyce initially expresses suspicion but cooperates as Hopper discovers the dented wall, missing rifle, and flickering light bulb. The scene ends with Hopper bleeding from his ear, leaving a sense of uncertainty and dread.
Strengths
  • Building tension and suspense
  • Creating a sense of mystery and danger
  • Engaging the audience emotionally
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development in secondary characters

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively creates a sense of unease and mystery, keeping the audience engaged and curious about what will happen next.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring a dark shed with mysterious sounds and flickering lights adds depth to the mystery and suspense of the scene.

Plot: 7

The plot advances as Hopper and his deputies search the Byers' house, uncovering potential clues and raising questions about the missing boy.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a familiar setting of a police investigation in a small town but adds a supernatural element with the flickering light bulb and mysterious growling sound. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 7

The characters of Hopper and Joyce are developed through their interactions and reactions to the mysterious events in the shed.

Character Changes: 6

Hopper experiences fear and uncertainty in the face of the unknown threat, adding depth to his character.

Internal Goal: 8

Joyce's internal goal in this scene is to protect her family and maintain a sense of control in a situation that is spiraling out of her grasp. This reflects her deeper need for security and stability in the face of uncertainty.

External Goal: 7

Hopper's external goal in this scene is to investigate the strange occurrences at the Byers' house and uncover any potential threats to the community. This reflects the immediate challenge he is facing as the Chief of Police.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict arises from the unknown threat in the shed and the characters' reactions to it.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Hopper facing challenges in investigating the strange occurrences at the Byers' house and Joyce resisting his presence and questioning his motives.

High Stakes: 8

The high stakes are established through the sense of danger and uncertainty in the shed.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing a new element of mystery and potential danger.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because it introduces unexpected elements like the flickering light bulb and mysterious growling sound, keeping the audience on edge and unsure of what will happen next.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the tension between trust and suspicion. Joyce is defensive and distrustful of the police presence in her home, while Hopper is trying to balance his duty to protect the town with respecting Joyce's autonomy.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a sense of fear and tension, engaging the audience emotionally.

Dialogue: 6

The dialogue is functional, serving to move the scene forward and reveal character dynamics.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it effectively builds suspense and mystery, keeps the audience guessing about the source of the strange sounds, and creates a sense of unease and anticipation.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by gradually building tension and suspense, using pauses and visual cues to create a sense of anticipation and unease.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of the scene is well-executed, with clear scene headings, dialogue formatting, and action descriptions that enhance the readability and flow of the scene.

Structure: 9

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for a suspenseful investigation scene, with a clear progression of events and a building sense of tension.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear sense of urgency and tension considering the circumstances of a missing child and the mysterious events surrounding the Byers house.
  • The dialogue between Hopper and Joyce feels somewhat forced and lacks the emotional depth that should be present in a scene where a child is missing.
  • The interaction between Hopper and Joyce could be more dynamic and emotionally charged to convey the gravity of the situation.
  • The discovery of the dented wall and damaged door should have elicited a stronger reaction from both characters, emphasizing the potential danger or intrusion into the house.
  • The transition from the investigation of the house to the shed feels abrupt and could be smoother to maintain the flow of the scene.
Suggestions
  • Enhance the dialogue between Hopper and Joyce to reflect the tension and concern they should be feeling about the missing child.
  • Add more visual cues and descriptions to create a sense of unease and mystery in the scene, especially when investigating the shed.
  • Consider building up the suspense gradually as Hopper explores the shed, leading to a more impactful reveal or discovery.
  • Introduce subtle hints or clues in the shed that foreshadow future events or add to the overall mystery of the story.
  • Work on pacing and structure to ensure a smooth transition between different elements of the scene, maintaining a cohesive narrative flow.



Scene 29 -  Strange Happenings at the Byers' Shed
EXT. SHED - BYERS YARD - MORNING

Hopper upends the vial. Dumping the pills onto the ground.

DEPUTY CALLAHN
You sure you’re alright, Chief?
TV Calling - For educational purposes only
43.

HOPPER
(not fine)
I’m fine.

He shoves the empty vial back into his jacket.

He strides to the Byers house. Moving fast.

Callahan struggles to keep up.

HOPPER (CONT’D)
I want you to call Florence, have
her get a search party together, as
many volunteers as she can muster,
flashlights too --

DEPUTY CALLAHAN
Think we got a problem here?

Hopper doesn’t answer. Uncertain. He turns and looks out at
the woods. The sun is falling. The sky is a bruised purple.

He continues into the Byers house. Callahan follows.

But we don’t. Instead, we return our gaze to the shed. We can
hear that GUTTURAL SOUND again. Low, but definitely there.

We move...

INTO THE SHED.

The light bulb hums and flickers again. Growing brighter.

And that is when we see it. There is something strange on the
far wall. It looks almost like a SPOT OF BLACK MOLD. Only it
is throbbing ever so slightly, and, slowly but surely...

Spreading.



END OF ACT THREE




TV Calling - For educational purposes only
44.

BEGIN ACT FOUR
Genres: ["Mystery","Thriller","Sci-Fi"]

Summary Chief Hopper and Deputy Callahan discover a strange sound coming from the Byers' shed. Upon investigation, they find a black mold-like substance spreading on the wall, hinting at an ominous mystery.
Strengths
  • Building tension and suspense
  • Intriguing mystery setup
  • Introduction of supernatural elements
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development
  • Functional dialogue

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively builds tension and intrigue through its atmospheric descriptions and the introduction of a mysterious and potentially dangerous element. The combination of genres and the introduction of supernatural elements add depth to the narrative.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a spreading black mold-like substance in the shed wall, accompanied by a mysterious guttural sound and flickering light bulb, creates a sense of unease and sets up a compelling mystery for the audience to unravel.

Plot: 7

The plot advances as Chief Hopper investigates the shed and discovers the strange phenomenon, adding a new layer of mystery to the story. The scene also hints at potential danger and raises questions about the nature of the spreading substance.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh element with the mysterious black mold-like substance, adding a unique twist to the familiar setting of a small town. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and grounded in the world of the story.


Character Development

Characters: 6

While Chief Hopper and Deputy Callahan play important roles in the scene, the focus is more on the unfolding mystery and supernatural elements than on character development. However, Hopper's determination to uncover the truth adds depth to his character.

Character Changes: 4

While there is minimal character development or change in the scene, Chief Hopper's determination to uncover the truth hints at potential growth and evolution in his character as the story progresses.

Internal Goal: 8

Chief Hopper's internal goal in this scene is to maintain a facade of strength and control, despite his inner turmoil and uncertainty.

External Goal: 7.5

Chief Hopper's external goal is to organize a search party and address a potential problem in the woods, reflecting his role as a protector and leader in the community.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The scene establishes a high level of conflict through the mysterious and potentially dangerous situation in the shed, as well as Chief Hopper's determination to uncover the truth. The presence of the spreading black mold-like substance creates a sense of urgency and danger.

Opposition: 7.5

The opposition in the scene is subtle but effective, with Chief Hopper's uncertainty and the mysterious substance creating a sense of conflict and danger.

High Stakes: 7

The high stakes in the scene are established through the potential danger posed by the spreading black mold-like substance and the mysterious guttural sound in the shed. Chief Hopper's investigation and determination to uncover the truth add urgency and tension to the narrative.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing a new mystery and potential danger, as well as deepening the audience's understanding of Chief Hopper's investigative skills and determination. The discovery of the spreading black mold-like substance raises questions and sets up future plot developments.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected appearance of the black mold-like substance and the unresolved tension surrounding it.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the theme of uncertainty and the unknown. Chief Hopper's hesitation and the mysterious black mold-like substance symbolize the fear of the unfamiliar.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The scene evokes a sense of unease and tension through its atmospheric descriptions and the introduction of supernatural elements. The audience is left with a feeling of anticipation and curiosity about the unfolding mystery.

Dialogue: 5

The dialogue in the scene serves mainly to convey information and move the plot forward, with minimal character interaction or development. The exchanges between Hopper and Callahan are functional and serve the investigative nature of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its suspenseful atmosphere, mysterious elements, and the sense of urgency in Chief Hopper's actions.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and eager to see what happens next.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and easy to follow, with distinct character actions and dialogue separated for clarity.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with a buildup of tension, a reveal of the mysterious substance, and a cliffhanger ending leading into the next act.


Critique
  • The scene lacks clarity in terms of Hopper's emotional state and the urgency of the situation. His actions and dialogue don't fully convey the gravity of the situation.
  • The interaction between Hopper and Deputy Callahan feels rushed and lacks depth. There is an opportunity to explore their dynamic and build tension.
  • The transition from Hopper dumping the pills to his conversation with Callahan feels abrupt and disjointed.
  • The description of the GUTTURAL SOUND and the strange black mold-like substance in the shed could be more vivid and impactful to create a sense of mystery and suspense.
  • The scene could benefit from more visual cues and sensory details to enhance the atmosphere and engage the audience.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding internal monologue or physical actions for Hopper to better convey his inner turmoil and the weight of the situation.
  • Slow down the pacing of the scene to allow for more tension to build between Hopper and Callahan.
  • Provide a smoother transition between Hopper dumping the pills and his conversation with Callahan to improve the flow of the scene.
  • Enhance the description of the GUTTURAL SOUND and the black mold-like substance to create a more eerie and suspenseful atmosphere.
  • Incorporate more sensory details and visual imagery to immerse the audience in the scene and heighten the sense of foreboding.



Scene 30 -  Family Conflict Amidst Missing Child
EXT. SUBURBAN NEIGHBORHOOD - NIGHT

HISS! A sprinkler kicks on. Night in the suburbs again.

MIKE (PRELAP)
We should be out there right now.
We should be helping look for him.

INT. WHEELER HOUSE - NIGHT

The Wheeler family is seated at the dining table.

A hot home cooked meal is before them. But Mike isn’t eating.

KAREN
We’ve been over this. The Chief
said --

MIKE
I don’t care what the Chief said.

KAREN
Michael --

MIKE
He’s not even real police, Mom. We
have to do something -- Will could
be in danger!

KAREN
More reason to stay put.

MIKE
Mom --

KAREN
End of discussion.

Mike looks away, upset. The family resumes eating in silence.
Or, rather, some of them do. Nancy just moves her food around
with a fork. Then, in as casual a tone as she can summon:

NANCY
So... me and Barb... we’re gonna
study for the chemistry test at her
house tonight. That’s cool, right?

Karen looks up from her meal.

KAREN
No. Not cool.
TV Calling - For educational purposes only
45.

NANCY
What?! Why not?

KAREN
Why do you think? Am I speaking
Chinese in this house? Until we
know Will’s okay, no one leaves.

NANCY
So we’re under house arrest?

KAREN
Don’t be dramatic, Nancy.

NANCY
This is such bullshit!

TED
Language!

NANCY
Barb lives two minutes away, just
because Mike’s stupid friend got
lost on his way home --

MIKE
This is Will’s fault -- ?!

KAREN
Nancy, take that back --

NANCY
No!

MIKE
You’re just pissed because you
wanna hang out with Steve --

TED
Steve?

KAREN
Who is Steve?

MIKE
Her new boyfriend --

NANCY
FUCK YOU MIKE --

TED
LANGUAGE!!!

Nancy shoves out of her chair. Storms off.
TV Calling - For educational purposes only
46.

KAREN
Nancy! Come back! NANCY!

But Nancy is already bounding up the stairs to her bedroom.

Karen wants the follow her but can’t; the argument has caused
Holly to cry. Karen picks her up and rocks her in her arms.

KAREN (CONT’D)
There, there, shhhh...

TED
See, Michael. This is what happens.

MIKE
What happens when what? I’m the
only one acting normal here -- I’m
the only who cares about Will!

Ted takes a bite out of a chicken drum. Chews.

TED
That’s not fair, Michael. We care.

Mike stares at his dad. He can’t take his apathy, not
tonight. He stands up from the table and hurries off.

Holly cries louder. Ted continues to chew.

Karen shoots daggers at him.

KAREN
I hope you’re enjoying your
chicken, Ted.

She carries Holly out of the room. Ted is now alone.

TED
Hey? What’d I do? Karen? Karen?!
Genres: ["Drama","Family"]

Summary In the Wheeler household, Mike's frustration boils over as he confronts his family for not actively searching for Will. Nancy's request to study at Barb's ignites an argument with her mother, leading to Nancy's retreat and Ted's isolation amidst the family turmoil.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Tense dialogue
  • Realistic family dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Some cliched family arguments
  • Lack of resolution in the scene

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively conveys the emotional turmoil and conflict within the family, drawing the audience in with tense and argumentative dialogue.


Story Content

Concept: 7

The concept of family dynamics and differing reactions to a crisis is well executed, adding depth to the overall narrative.

Plot: 8

The plot advances as tensions rise within the family, setting the stage for further developments in the search for the missing character.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to family dynamics and conflict, with authentic dialogue and actions that feel true to the characters' motivations and emotions.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-defined and their emotions and motivations are clearly portrayed, adding depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 7

The characters undergo emotional turmoil and conflict, leading to potential growth and change in future scenes.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist, Mike, wants to take action and search for his missing friend, Will. This reflects his deeper need for control and protection over his loved ones, as well as his fear of losing someone important to him.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to convince his family to help search for Will. This reflects the immediate challenge of overcoming his family's resistance and authority figures' decisions.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict within the family is palpable, adding intensity and drama to the scene.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting viewpoints and emotional outbursts that create obstacles for the protagonist to overcome.

High Stakes: 8

The high stakes of a missing loved one add urgency and emotional weight to the scene.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by deepening the emotional stakes and setting up future conflicts and resolutions.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected outbursts and emotional reactions from the characters, keeping the audience on edge.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between the protagonist's belief in taking action and the family's belief in following authority and staying put. This challenges Mike's values of loyalty and protection.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The emotional impact of the scene is high, eliciting strong feelings of tension, anxiety, and empathy from the audience.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is tense and emotional, effectively conveying the conflicting emotions and perspectives of the characters.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the intense emotional conflicts and sharp dialogue exchanges that keep the audience invested in the characters' motivations and actions.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotional intensity, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the characters' conflicts.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and follows the expected format for its genre, enhancing the readability and impact of the dialogue exchanges.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format that effectively conveys the conflict and tension within the family dynamics.


Critique
  • The scene lacks subtlety in the dialogue and character interactions, with emotions running high and characters expressing their frustrations in a very direct and confrontational manner.
  • The conflict between Mike and his family feels forced and melodramatic, with each character's reactions feeling exaggerated and lacking nuance.
  • The dialogue feels heavy-handed and on-the-nose, with characters explicitly stating their emotions and motivations rather than allowing them to be conveyed through subtler actions and interactions.
  • The pacing of the scene is rushed, with emotions escalating quickly and characters jumping from one argument to another without much build-up or development.
  • The scene could benefit from more subtext and understated emotions, allowing the tension to simmer beneath the surface rather than being overtly expressed through dialogue and actions.
Suggestions
  • Consider dialing back the intensity of the arguments and allowing the emotions to be conveyed through subtler gestures and expressions.
  • Focus on building tension through silence and non-verbal cues, rather than relying on direct confrontations and heated dialogue.
  • Explore the dynamics between the characters in a more nuanced way, showing the underlying tensions and conflicts through their interactions rather than spelling them out explicitly.
  • Give the characters more room to breathe and react naturally to the situation, allowing for moments of quiet reflection and internal conflict.
  • Consider adding layers to the conflict by introducing conflicting emotions and motivations within each character, making the scene more complex and engaging.



Scene 31 -  The Search Continues
EXT. WOODS - NIGHT

A constellation of flashlights glimmer in the night.

Over two dozen SEARCH AND RESCUE VOLUNTEERS are scouring the
forest for Will. They wear orange vests, grave expressions.

We find Hopper. Mr. Clarke walks at his side.

MR. CLARKE
He’s a good student.

Hopper turns. Surprised this man is speaking to him.
TV Calling - For educational purposes only
47.

HOPPER
What’s that?

MR. CLARKE
Will. He’s a good student. A great
one, actually. I can’t fathom him
getting into any kind of trouble.

Hopper nods. Looks away.

Mr. Clarke offers his hand.

MR. CLARKE (CONT’D)
I don’t think we’ve met. Scott
Clarke. I teach at Montauk middle.
Earth and Biology --

Hopper shakes his hand. Then averts his gaze.

HOPPER
Always had a distaste for science.

MR. CLARKE
Maybe you had a bad teacher.

HOPPER
Ms. Ratliff was a nasty piece of
work.

MR. CLAKRE
Ratliff? You bet. She’s still
kicking around, believe it or not --

HOPPER
Oh I believe it. Mummies don’t die,
or say they tell me.

Mr. Clarke smiles softly.

MR. CLARKE
So you’re local?

HOPPER
Class of fifty eight.

MR. CLARKE
Sixty two. Just missed each other.

They walk for another beat. Hopper seems lost in thought.

HOPPER
Sara, my daughter. Galaxies, the
universe, whatnot, she always
understood that stuff.TVMaybe she
Calling - For educational purposes only
got it from her mother, I dunno.
(MORE)
48.
HOPPER (CONT'D)
There’s enough shit down here, I
don’t need to go lookin’ elsewhere.

MR. CLARKE
Your daughter. What grade is she?
Maybe I’ll get her in my class.

HOPPER
She lives in the city. With her
mother.

MR. CLARKE
Oh.

Hopper slaps Mr. Clarke on the back.

HOPPER
Thanks for coming out, teach.
Appreciate it.

Hopper picks up his pace, leaving Mr. Clarke behind.

A nearby VOLUNTEER whispers to Mr. Clarke:

VOLUNTEER #1
She passed a few years back.

MR. CLARKE
Sorry?

VOLUNTEER #1
His kid.

Mr. Clarke darkens. He looks back at Hopper.

He is a distant silhouette now.
Genres: ["Drama","Mystery","Thriller"]

Summary Amidst the search for Will, Hopper converses with Mr. Clarke, who reveals Will's academic prowess. Hopper's disinterest in science leads to the revelation of his daughter's death. The search continues as Hopper leaves, leaving behind a somber Mr. Clarke.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Suspenseful atmosphere
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue could be more impactful

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively builds suspense and emotion, introducing new elements while deepening the character of Hopper.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of searching for a missing child in the woods is well-executed, with added layers of emotion and character development.

Plot: 7

The plot progresses as the search for Will continues, with added depth through Hopper's interactions and reflections.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces complex characters with layered emotions and conflicts, adding authenticity to the narrative. The dialogue feels natural and reveals deeper character motivations.


Character Development

Characters: 9

Hopper is further developed as a complex character with a tragic past, while Mr. Clarke adds a new dynamic to the scene.

Character Changes: 8

Hopper undergoes emotional growth and reflection, deepening his character.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist, Hopper, seems to be grappling with feelings of guilt and regret regarding his daughter and his past. His internal goal in this scene may be to come to terms with his emotions and past decisions.

External Goal: 7

Hopper's external goal is to assist in the search for Will and potentially find clues that could lead to his discovery. This goal reflects the immediate challenge he is facing in the scene.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

The conflict lies in the search for Will and the emotional turmoil experienced by Hopper.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is subtle but impactful, with emotional conflicts and unresolved issues adding depth to the character interactions.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are high as the search for Will intensifies, adding tension and urgency to the scene.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by continuing the search for Will and developing Hopper's character.

Unpredictability: 7

The scene is unpredictable in terms of character revelations and emotional twists, keeping the audience on their toes.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

There is a philosophical conflict between Hopper's cynicism towards science and Mr. Clarke's belief in the importance of education and understanding the universe. This conflict challenges Hopper's worldview and values.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes a strong emotional response, particularly through Hopper's reflections on his daughter.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is natural and serves to deepen the characters and their relationships.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its emotional depth, character conflicts, and the mystery surrounding the search for Will. The dialogue and interactions keep the audience invested in the characters' journeys.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and emotional resonance, allowing for moments of reflection and character development.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows standard formatting conventions for a screenplay, with clear scene descriptions and character dialogue.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a traditional structure for a character-driven drama, with a clear focus on character interactions and emotional development.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a sense of urgency and tension considering the circumstances of searching for a missing child in the woods at night.
  • The dialogue between Hopper and Mr. Clarke feels forced and unnatural, detracting from the emotional weight of the situation.
  • There is a missed opportunity to delve deeper into Hopper's emotional turmoil and connection to his daughter, Sara, which could have added depth to his character.
  • The interaction between Hopper and Mr. Clarke does not contribute significantly to the overall plot or character development.
  • The scene could benefit from more visual cues to enhance the atmosphere and mood of the search in the dark woods.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more suspense and tension to the scene by emphasizing the urgency of finding Will in the dark woods at night.
  • Revise the dialogue between Hopper and Mr. Clarke to make it more authentic and impactful, focusing on the emotional weight of the situation.
  • Explore Hopper's emotional connection to his daughter, Sara, in more depth to add complexity to his character.
  • Ensure that every interaction and dialogue exchange in the scene serves a purpose in advancing the plot or developing the characters.
  • Incorporate more visual elements to create a vivid and immersive setting for the search in the dark woods.



Scene 32 -  Mike's Concerns
INT. MIKE’S ROOM - WHEELER HOUSE - NIGHT

The Demogorgen gazes at us. Four angry eyes.

Mike is lying down by the Dungeons and Dragons map. He looks
worried and restless. He examines the field of miniatures.
The Troglodytes... the knight.. the dwarf... and the wizard.

He picks up the wizard. Studies it. Considering.

MIKE (V.O.)
Lucas? It’s Mike. You copy? Lucas?

MOMENTS LATER.

Mike is now at his desk. Calling into a WALKIE-TALKIE.
TV Calling - For educational purposes only
Lucas finally answers. His voice crackles.
49.

LUCAS (O.S.)
Hey, it’s Lucas.

MIKE
I know it’s you. And say “over”
when you’re done talking or I don’t
know you’re done. Over.

LUCAS (O.S.)
I’m done. Over.

MIKE
I’m worried about Will. Over.

LUCAS (O.S.)
No shit. This is crazy. Over.

MIKE
I was thinking... Will could’ve
cast Protection last night. But he
didn’t. He cast Fireball. Over.

LUCAS (O.S.)
What’s your point? Over.

MIKE
My point is... he could’ve played
it safe. But he didn’t. He put
himself in danger to help the
party. Over.

A very long beat. Then:

LUCAS (O.S.)
Meet me in ten. Over and out.

MOMENTS LATER.

Mike jams a few flashlights into his backpack.
Genres: ["Sci-Fi","Mystery","Thriller"]

Summary In the Wheeler house at night, Mike frets over Will's odd behavior during their previous Dungeons and Dragons game. He summons Lucas via walkie-talkie and shares his worry that Will was intentionally putting himself in danger to aid the party. Lucas agrees to meet Mike in ten minutes, and Mike gathers flashlights for their investigation.
Strengths
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Suspenseful tone
  • Character depth
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development in this specific scene

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively builds suspense and tension through the dialogue and the character's actions, keeping the audience engaged and curious about the unfolding events.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of using a tabletop game to reflect the characters' real-life decisions adds depth and complexity to the scene, enhancing the overall storytelling.

Plot: 8

The plot advances as the characters discuss their friend's disappearance and make plans to search for him, setting up further developments in the story.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a unique blend of reality and fantasy elements, such as the Dungeons and Dragons references and the mysterious Demogorgen creature. The dialogue feels authentic and captures the essence of young friendships and the challenges they face.


Character Development

Characters: 7

The characters, particularly Mike, are well-developed and show depth through their actions and dialogue, adding to the emotional impact of the scene.

Character Changes: 6

While there is not a significant character change in this scene, the characters' actions and decisions hint at potential growth and development in future scenes.

Internal Goal: 8

Mike's internal goal in this scene is to express his concern for his friend Will and to strategize a plan to help him. This reflects his deeper need for friendship, loyalty, and bravery.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to meet up with Lucas to discuss their plan to help Will. This reflects the immediate challenge they are facing in trying to navigate a dangerous situation and protect their friend.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

There is a high level of conflict as the characters grapple with the mystery of their missing friend and the dangers they may face in searching for him.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create conflict and tension, but not so overwhelming that the audience knows exactly how it will be resolved. This adds to the suspense and keeps the audience engaged.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high as the characters search for their missing friend, facing unknown dangers and uncertainties in their quest.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by setting up the search for the missing friend and introducing new elements that will impact the plot in future scenes.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because it introduces new information about the characters' motivations and plans, keeping the audience on their toes and eager to see how the story unfolds.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the idea of taking risks to help others and the value of loyalty and friendship. Mike believes in putting oneself in danger to help the party, while Lucas may have a different perspective on the situation.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes emotions of worry, concern, and determination in the characters, resonating with the audience and drawing them into the story.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is engaging, realistic, and reveals important information about the characters and their relationships, driving the scene forward.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it combines suspense, mystery, and character development in a way that keeps the audience invested in the story and eager to see what happens next.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and suspense, as well as allowing for moments of reflection and character development. The rhythm of the dialogue adds to the sense of urgency and immediacy.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting. The use of walkie-talkies adds a unique visual element to the communication between the characters.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness in building tension and suspense.


Critique
  • The transition from the previous scene to this one feels abrupt and disconnected. There is a lack of continuity in tone and setting.
  • The dialogue between Mike and Lucas, while attempting to convey worry and concern, comes off as forced and unnatural.
  • The use of walkie-talkies and the 'over' protocol feels cliched and outdated, detracting from the authenticity of the conversation.
  • The exposition about Will casting Fireball instead of Protection feels heavy-handed and unnecessary, taking away from the emotional impact of the scene.
  • The scene lacks depth and emotional resonance, failing to fully capture the gravity of the situation.
Suggestions
  • Consider a smoother transition from the previous scene to maintain coherence in tone and setting.
  • Revise the dialogue between Mike and Lucas to make it more authentic and reflective of their characters.
  • Avoid cliched communication devices like walkie-talkies and focus on creating a more genuine interaction between the characters.
  • Instead of overtly explaining Will's actions, show the impact of his choices through subtle character moments and reactions.
  • Enhance the emotional depth of the scene by delving into the characters' fears, hopes, and vulnerabilities surrounding Will's disappearance.



Scene 33 -  Midnight Encounter
INT. WHEELERS HOUSE - LIVING ROOM -- NIGHT

Mike sneaks downstairs. The stairs moan.

He peers into the living room. His dad is once again
fidgeting with the television. The picture fluctuates
with static. He pounds the side of the box in anger.

Mike hurries past. Unnoticed.

EXT. BYERS HOUSE - NIGHT

Mike wheels his bike out of the garage.
TV Calling - For educational purposes only
WHAM! A SHADOWED FIGURE suddenly drops down behind him.
50.

He startles, but it’s only Nancy. She climbed down a drain
pipe.

MIKE
Jesus!

NANCY
How’d you get out here, freak?!

MIKE
The back door.

Nancy looks back at the drain pipe.

NANCY
Shit.
(back to Mike)
You’re not looking for Will are
you?

MIKE
You’re not seeing Steve are you?

A beat.

NANCY
Don’t tell mom.

MIKE
You don’t tell mom.

Mike spits in his hand. Holds it out.

NANCY
That’s disgusting.

A STATION WAGON flashes its lights up ahead. A signal.

NANCY (CONT’D)
Barb’s here. I gotta go. Don’t do
anything stupid.

MIKE
You have to shake on it or it
doesn’t count! Nancy!

But Nancy is already gone. She climbs into Barbara’s car.

Mike wipes the saliva off in his jeans, climbs on his bike,
and pedals off into the night.

Above him, a street lamp flickers.

TV Calling - For educational purposes only
51.
Genres: ["Mystery","Thriller","Drama"]

Summary Mike stealthily sneaks out, surprising Nancy descending a drainpipe. They pledge secrecy about their nocturnal adventures before Nancy drives off. As Mike cycles away, a flickering street lamp casts an eerie glow.
Strengths
  • Effective tension-building
  • Intriguing introduction of shadowed figure
  • Engaging character interactions
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development in this specific scene
  • Some dialogue exchanges could be more impactful

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively builds tension and mystery, introducing new elements while maintaining a sense of urgency and suspense. The interactions between characters are engaging, and the introduction of the shadowed figure adds an intriguing twist.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of characters coming together in the night to search for a missing person, while dealing with personal conflicts and secrets, is well-executed. The introduction of the shadowed figure adds a new layer of mystery and danger to the narrative.

Plot: 8

The plot advances through character interactions, revelations, and the introduction of new elements like the shadowed figure. The scene effectively sets up future developments and maintains the audience's interest.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces familiar themes of secrecy and teenage rebellion in a fresh and engaging way. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and relatable, adding depth to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 7

The characters show depth and complexity, with personal conflicts and motivations driving their actions. The interactions between Mike and Nancy, as well as their individual concerns about Will and Steve, add layers to their personalities.

Character Changes: 6

While there are subtle shifts in the characters' dynamics and emotions, significant character changes are not prominent in this scene. However, the groundwork is laid for potential developments in future scenes.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to maintain his secret mission of searching for Will while also navigating his complicated relationship with Nancy. This reflects his desire for independence and his fear of being caught or judged.

External Goal: 7.5

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to meet up with his friend Barb without being caught by his family or anyone else. This reflects the immediate challenge of maintaining his cover while also pursuing his mission.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The scene is filled with internal and external conflicts, from the characters' personal struggles to the overarching mystery of Will's disappearance. The introduction of the shadowed figure increases the level of conflict and tension.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in this scene is strong enough to create conflict and suspense, but not overwhelming to the point of overshadowing the characters' goals and motivations. The audience is left wondering how the characters will overcome their obstacles.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are high as characters search for a missing person, confront personal conflicts, and encounter mysterious figures in the dark of night. The potential dangers and revelations add urgency and tension to the scene.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing new elements, deepening character relationships, and setting up future conflicts and resolutions. It maintains a sense of progression and intrigue.

Unpredictability: 7.5

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected arrival of Nancy and the tension between the characters as they navigate their secrets and conflicting goals. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how the situation will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between honesty and secrecy. Both characters are keeping secrets from their families and each other, highlighting the tension between personal desires and societal expectations.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from anxiety and concern to humor and camaraderie. The characters' emotional responses to the unfolding events add depth and engagement to the narrative.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is natural and reflective of the characters' personalities and relationships. It conveys tension, humor, and emotion effectively, enhancing the scene's dynamics.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the dynamic interactions between the characters, the sense of mystery and danger, and the subtle hints at larger conflicts and motivations. The reader is drawn into the story and invested in the characters' fates.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a balance of action, dialogue, and description that keeps the reader engaged and builds tension effectively. The rhythm of the scene contributes to its overall effectiveness in conveying the characters' emotions and motivations.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of this scene is clear and concise, with effective use of scene headings and action lines to guide the reader through the action. The dialogue is formatted correctly and enhances the character interactions.

Structure: 8

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for a suspenseful, character-driven moment in a coming-of-age story. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness in building tension and developing the characters.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear sense of urgency or tension, considering the gravity of the situation with Will missing.
  • The dialogue between Mike and Nancy feels a bit forced and lacks depth, missing an opportunity to delve into their emotions and fears about Will's disappearance.
  • The interaction between Mike and Nancy could be more impactful and emotionally charged, given the circumstances.
  • The sudden appearance of Nancy dropping down behind Mike feels a bit contrived and could be set up more effectively to create a genuine moment of surprise.
  • The transition from the living room to the exterior of the Byers house feels abrupt and could be smoother to maintain the flow of the scene.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more layers to the dialogue between Mike and Nancy to explore their emotions and fears about Will's disappearance.
  • Build up the tension and urgency in the scene to reflect the seriousness of the situation.
  • Work on creating a more natural and believable interaction between Mike and Nancy to enhance the authenticity of their relationship.
  • Set up Nancy's entrance in a way that feels more organic and less sudden to create a more genuine moment of surprise.
  • Smooth out the transition between the living room and the exterior of the Byers house to maintain the coherence of the scene.



Scene 34 -  Revelation in the Kitchen
EXT. BENNY’S FISH ‘N FRY - NIGHT

A light flickers inside the FISH N FRY.

INT. BENNY’S FISH ‘N FRY - KITCHEN - NIGHT

Benny glances at the light. Then returns to cleaning dishes.

Eleven sits cross-legged on the floor. She is feeding his
rottweiler strips of raw fish. They’re best friends now.

BENNY
Make sure he doesn’t get any bones
now. Don’t want him to choke.

Eleven feeds the dog one last strip of meat. The dog gobbles
it up, then licks her on the lips. She recoils, then smiles.
For the first time this day, she seems like an actual kid.

Benny notices. Knocks off the faucet.

BENNY (CONT’D)
A smile looks good on ya.

Eleven stares at him. Confused.

BENNY (CONT’D)
A smile.

Benny gives a big smile. Eleven smiles back.

ELEVEN
Good.

BENNY
Yeah, it is good.

She shakes her head. “No.” Then she points at him.

ELEVEN
Good.

BENNY
Me?

Benny can’t help but chuckle.

BENNY (CONT’D)
A know a few ladies who’d beg to
differ.

Benny rolls up his sleeve. There are names tattooed on his
arm. SHARON, BETTY, CAROL ANN. His exes. Mostly.
TV Calling - For educational purposes only
Eleven points at a male name: “TOMMY.”
52.

ELEVEN
...Brother.

Benny stares. His heart skips a beat. His voice catches.

BENNY
...What’d you say?

ELEVEN
Little brother.

Eleven smiles again. But Benny does not. He is flustered
and confused. He finally starts to speak when he hears...

THE SOUND OF TIRES ON GRAVEL. Headlights sweep past the
window.

Eleven tenses. Nervous.

BENNY
Just... stay put. Whoever it is,
I’ll turn ‘em away, a’ight?
Genres: null

Summary During a power outage, Benny and Eleven share a moment. Eleven smiles for the first time as she feeds a rottweiler. Benny notices and compliments her. Eleven points to the name "Tommy" tattooed on Benny's arm, revealing him as her brother. Benny is shocked and confused, leaving them both unsettled as they hear an approaching vehicle outside.
Strengths null
Weaknesses null

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 0


Story Content

Concept: 0

Plot: 0

Originality: 9

The scene is original in its portrayal of a tender and unexpected connection between two characters in a mundane setting. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds depth to the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 0

Character Changes: 0

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to connect with Eleven and make her feel comfortable and safe. This reflects Benny's deeper need for companionship and a sense of family, as seen through his interactions with Eleven.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to protect Eleven from potential danger outside the diner. This reflects the immediate challenge of keeping Eleven safe in an uncertain situation.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 0

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the potential threat outside the diner creating suspense and conflict for the characters.

High Stakes: 0

Story Forward: 0

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected revelation of Eleven calling Benny 'brother' and the arrival of an unknown person outside the diner.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the contrast between Benny's past relationships and his current role as a caretaker for Eleven. This challenges Benny's beliefs about love, family, and responsibility.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 0

Dialogue: 0

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the subtle character dynamics, emotional tension, and the sense of impending danger outside the diner.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and emotional depth, leading to a climactic moment with the arrival of an unknown person.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and concise, following the expected format for its genre.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows a natural progression of character interactions and emotional beats, fitting the expected format for its genre.


Critique
  • The scene at Benny's Fish 'N Fry lacks tension and suspense, especially considering the buildup of the previous scenes. There is a disconnect in the tone and pacing compared to the preceding events.
  • The interaction between Benny and Eleven feels forced and lacks depth. The dialogue exchange between them could be more meaningful and impactful to establish a stronger emotional connection.
  • The transition from Eleven feeding the dog to the sudden appearance of headlights outside the window feels abrupt and disjointed. The scene could benefit from a smoother transition to create a more seamless flow of events.
  • The revelation of Eleven identifying Benny as her brother lacks a significant emotional impact. This moment could be heightened by delving deeper into the characters' emotions and reactions to this revelation.
  • The introduction of the sound of tires on gravel and headlights passing by the window adds an element of suspense, but it could be further developed to increase the tension and anticipation for the upcoming events.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more layers to the interaction between Benny and Eleven to deepen their relationship and create a more engaging dynamic.
  • Enhance the pacing of the scene by building up the tension gradually and ensuring a smoother transition between different moments.
  • Explore the emotional depth of the characters in response to Eleven's revelation about her brother to evoke a stronger reaction from the audience.
  • Develop the suspenseful elements, such as the sound of tires on gravel and headlights passing by, to create a more gripping and immersive atmosphere in the scene.
  • Consider revising the dialogue to make it more impactful and reflective of the characters' personalities and motivations.



Scene 35 -  Benny's Demise
INT. BENNY’S FISH ‘N FRY - DINING ROOM - NIGHT

Benny lumbers into the dining room. He opens the front door.

A RED-HAIRED WOMAN, 40, approaches. She smiles warmly.

RED-HAIRED WOMAN
You must be Benny. Benny Henderson?

BENNY
‘fraid so. Also ‘fraid we closed
shop early tonight. Why don’t you
try back tomorrow --

Benny starts to shut the door, but the woman extends a hand.

RED-HAIRED WOMAN
Connie Frazier. Social services.

Benny stops. Opens the door back up. Embarrassed.

BENNY
Social services. Shit. Apologies.

He takes her hand. His grip is firm.

BENNY (CONT’D)
Didn’t think you were gonna make it
here so quick. That’s a heckuva
drive.
TV Calling - For educational purposes only
53.

CONNIE
Not too bad this time of night.

Benny nods. Lowers his voice.

BENNY
Listen. I still haven’t told her
about you. I didn’t want her
runnin’ off again. She’s a tad...
skittish.

CONNIE
Children I work with usually are.
(smiles)
Where is she now?

BENNY
In the back. I’ll introduce ya.

Benny turns and lumbers toward the kitchen.

BENNY (CONT’D)
Apologies again for trying to turn
you away. It’s funny, your voice,
it sounded different on the --

A HOLE SUDDENLY ERUPTS IN BENNY’S FOREHEAD. BLOOD SPRAYS.

HIS BODY GOES LIMP AND HE CRASHES TO THE GROUND WITH A HEAVY
THUD. A POOL OF BLOOD SPREADS FROM THE WOUND ON HIS HEAD.

HIS BODY TWITCHES. THEN STILLS.

HE IS DEAD.

Behind him: “Connie” holds a silencer pistol.

A GROUP OF ARMED MEN sweep into the door behind her.

These aren’t social workers.

These are Agents.
Genres: ["Thriller","Action","Drama"]

Summary Benny, the owner of Benny's Fish 'n Fry, is approached by Connie, a social worker who is actually an agent. Benny is caught off guard and embarrassed for trying to turn her away. As they talk, Benny is suddenly shot in the head by 'Connie', revealing her true identity and the group of armed men as agents.
Strengths
  • Strong plot twist
  • Intense conflict
  • Emotional impact
  • Suspenseful atmosphere
Weaknesses
  • Sudden introduction of new characters may be confusing for some viewers

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly engaging, with a well-executed plot twist, intense conflict, and emotional impact. The sudden death of Benny and the revelation of the agents create a sense of urgency and danger.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of betrayal and deception is effectively portrayed through the actions of the characters. The introduction of the agents adds a new layer of complexity to the story and raises the stakes for the main characters.

Plot: 9

The plot is well-developed, with a strong buildup of tension and suspense. The unexpected turn of events keeps the audience on the edge of their seats and propels the story forward.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh take on the familiar trope of a character trying to protect their loved ones from a dangerous threat. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds depth and complexity to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are compelling and their actions drive the plot forward. Benny's death and the introduction of the agents add depth to the story and create a sense of danger and intrigue.

Character Changes: 7

The characters undergo significant changes in this scene, as Benny's trust is betrayed and the agents reveal their true intentions. The revelation of the agents alters the dynamics of the story and sets the stage for further conflict.

Internal Goal: 8

Benny's internal goal in this scene is to protect his daughter from the potential threat posed by the arrival of Connie from social services. This reflects his deeper need to keep his family safe and maintain their fragile sense of security.

External Goal: 7

Benny's external goal is to prevent Connie from discovering the truth about his daughter and potentially taking her away. This reflects the immediate challenge he faces in maintaining his family's stability and avoiding any disruptions.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is intense and multi-layered, with the betrayal of Benny by the agents leading to a violent confrontation. The stakes are high, and the tension is palpable throughout.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Benny facing a formidable threat that challenges his ability to protect his daughter. The uncertainty of the outcome adds to the scene's suspense.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in this scene, with the sudden death of Benny and the revelation of the agents putting the main characters in grave danger. The outcome of the confrontation will have far-reaching consequences for the story.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward significantly, introducing new elements and escalating the conflict. The revelation of the agents changes the direction of the plot and raises the stakes for the main characters.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the sudden and shocking turn of events, subverting the audience's expectations and adding a layer of suspense to the narrative.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the moral dilemma of protecting loved ones at all costs, even if it means resorting to extreme measures. This challenges Benny's beliefs about right and wrong, forcing him to confront the consequences of his actions.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene has a high emotional impact, with the sudden death of Benny and the revelation of the agents creating shock and suspense. The audience is emotionally invested in the characters and their fates.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is effective in conveying the tension and suspense of the scene. The interactions between the characters reveal their motivations and add to the overall atmosphere of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its fast-paced dialogue, unexpected plot twists, and high stakes. The tension and suspense keep the audience invested in the characters' fates.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is expertly crafted, building tension gradually and culminating in a shocking climax. The rhythm of the dialogue and action sequences enhances the scene's emotional impact.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of the scene is clear and concise, following industry standards for screenplay format. It enhances the scene's visual and emotional impact.

Structure: 9

The scene follows a well-paced structure that builds tension effectively, leading to a dramatic climax. The formatting enhances the scene's impact and readability.


Critique
  • The scene starts off with a warm interaction between Benny and the Red-Haired Woman, setting a friendly tone.
  • The sudden shift in tone and action with Benny being shot in the head by 'Connie' is unexpected and jarring, which can be effective in creating tension and suspense.
  • The reveal that 'Connie' is actually an Agent adds a layer of mystery and danger to the scene.
  • The use of dialogue and actions effectively build up the suspense and surprise of the scene.
  • The scene effectively transitions from a seemingly normal interaction to a shocking and intense moment.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more context or hints earlier in the scene to foreshadow the twist of 'Connie' being an Agent, to make the reveal even more impactful.
  • Explore ways to enhance the tension and suspense leading up to the moment of Benny being shot, perhaps by adding subtle clues or building up the atmosphere.
  • Ensure that the transition from the initial friendly interaction to the sudden violence is seamless and effectively conveys the shift in tone.
  • Consider adding more details or descriptions to enhance the visual and emotional impact of Benny's death and the arrival of the Agents.
  • Continue to maintain the element of surprise and unpredictability in future scenes to keep the audience engaged and intrigued.



Scene 36 -  Eleven's Escape
INT. KITCHEN - MOMENTS LATER

Three Armed Agents sweep into the kitchen.

Two more enter from the back door.

WOOF! The rottweiler suddenly explodes out of shadows and
lunges at them with an angry roar. Agent One fires and --

POP! Drills the dog’s head. It skids to the floor. Dead.
TV Calling - For educational purposes only
Agent One quietly surveys the kitchen. Looking for Eleven.
54.

His eyes lock onto the STORAGE CLOSET. A dim shadow moves
beneath the door. He makes a hand signal, alerting the
others. Guns raise. All this caution for one little girl?

They take one step toward the closet. Two steps. Three. Four.

Agent One holds up his hand. The others stop.

His eyes fix on the hinges of the door. Impossibly, the metal
is pushing outward. Bending. As if the door is under immense
pressure.

AGENT TWO
Eleven --

WHOOM! THE DOOR EXPLODES -- BLOWING RIGHT OFF ITS HINGES --
THE DOOR SLAMS INTO THE AGENTS -- KNOCKING THEM DOWN LIKE
BOWLING PINS -- THEIR GUNS SCATTER ACROSS THE FLOOR -- WOOD
SHRAPNEL HITS AGENT ONE IN THE FACE -- TEARING HIS LEFT CHEEK
OPEN -- HE FALLS TO THE GROUND WITH A PAINED SCREAM -- AND --

Eleven bursts out of the closet. Her eyes dart.

She spots the dead dog.

Then Benny.

Tears spills down her cheeks. Mixing with the blood.

She looks back at the agents. Rolling on the floor in pain.

ELEVEN
Bad.

And then she turns.

And runs.

END ACT FOUR




TV Calling - For educational purposes only
55.

BEGIN ACT FIVE
Genres: ["Thriller","Sci-Fi","Drama"]

Summary Array
Strengths
  • Intense action
  • Emotional depth
  • Strong character development
Weaknesses
  • Minimal dialogue
  • Violent content

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is intense, emotional, and action-packed, with a high level of conflict and emotional impact. It effectively moves the story forward and introduces new elements that raise the stakes.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of a young girl with supernatural abilities being pursued by armed agents is engaging and sets up a compelling conflict. The scene effectively introduces and develops this concept.

Plot: 8

The plot is driven by the escape of Eleven from captivity, leading to a tense and dramatic confrontation with the agents. The discovery of her powers and the escalating danger add depth to the storyline.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the typical action sequence by incorporating emotional moments and moral dilemmas. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters, especially Eleven, are well-developed and their actions and emotions drive the scene. The conflict between Eleven and the agents creates tension and reveals more about her character.

Character Changes: 8

Eleven undergoes a significant change in this scene, from fear and captivity to defiance and escape. Her emotional journey and display of power mark a turning point in her character arc.

Internal Goal: 9

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to protect Eleven and ensure her safety. This reflects his deeper need for redemption and the desire to make amends for past mistakes.

External Goal: 8

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to capture Eleven and bring her back to their organization. This reflects the immediate challenge of completing their mission and following orders.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between Eleven and the agents is intense and physical, with high stakes and emotional impact. The power dynamics and struggle for freedom drive the scene forward.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the agents facing unexpected challenges and obstacles. The audience is kept on their toes, unsure of how the conflict will be resolved.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in this scene, as Eleven faces capture and potential harm from armed agents. The danger and urgency of the situation create a sense of suspense and tension.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward by introducing new conflicts, escalating the danger, and setting up future events. Eleven's escape and the revelation of her abilities have a major impact on the narrative.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the sudden explosion and the unexpected actions of the characters. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of what will happen next.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the clash between the agents' duty to capture Eleven and Eleven's right to freedom and safety. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs about authority and morality.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes fear, sadness, and shock through the violent confrontation, Eleven's emotional reaction, and the high-stakes escape. The audience is deeply invested in Eleven's plight and the outcome of the conflict.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is minimal but impactful, with Eleven's word 'bad' carrying significant emotional weight. The lack of dialogue in some parts enhances the tension and suspense of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense action, emotional depth, and high stakes. The audience is invested in the outcome and the characters' fates.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is fast-paced and dynamic, with a balance of action and emotional beats. The rhythm of the scene contributes to its effectiveness in building tension and suspense.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear action lines, dialogue, and scene descriptions.

Structure: 9

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a buildup of tension, a climactic moment, and a resolution that sets up the next act.


Critique
  • The scene is intense and action-packed, which fits the overall tone of the script. However, the sudden and violent death of the rottweiler may be disturbing for some viewers and could be handled with more sensitivity.
  • The use of violence, especially towards animals, should be carefully considered in order to maintain the emotional impact without crossing into gratuitous territory.
  • The portrayal of Eleven's powers and her reaction to the situation is well-executed, showcasing her vulnerability and strength in a compelling way.
  • The tension and suspense build effectively throughout the scene, keeping the audience engaged and on the edge of their seats.
  • The visual descriptions are vivid and help to create a clear picture of the action unfolding in the kitchen, enhancing the overall impact of the scene.
Suggestions
  • Consider toning down the violence towards the rottweiler to make the scene more palatable for sensitive viewers.
  • Explore different ways to showcase Eleven's powers and her reaction to the agents' intrusion, focusing on her emotional journey and character development.
  • Ensure that the balance between action and emotional depth is maintained to keep the audience invested in the story.
  • Continue to build suspense and tension in a way that serves the overall narrative and character arcs.
  • Consider incorporating moments of vulnerability and humanity for the agents to add depth to their characters and create a more nuanced dynamic with Eleven.



Scene 37 -  Beach Bonfire
EXT. MONTAUK BEACH - TURTLE COVE - NIGHT

A BONFIRE RAGES ON THE BEACH. FLAMES LICK THE SKY.

A GROUP OF HIGH SCHOOL STUDENTS are silhouetted against the
fire, drinking, smoking various substances, screwing around.
“Call Me” by Blondie blasts from an idling pick-up truck.

We find Nancy and Barbara in the crowd.

They look out of their element, bobbing awkwardly to the
tune. Nancy takes a sip of her beer. Grimaces. Not a drinker.

She holds the beer out for Barb. Barb waves it off.

BARBARA
I don’t see him -- we should go.

NANCY
We just got here, relax.

Nancy motions to TOMMY H, 16, heavyset, scraggly half-beard.

NANCY (CONT’D)
What about Tommy H?

BARBARA
Ew.

NANCY
Oh come on -- he’s cute. And I
heard he broke it off with Carol --

Nancy shrieks as a PAIR OF HANDS snatch her from behind.

It’s Steve. Of course it’s Steve. His eyes are bloodshot and
flagging. He’s drunk or stoned or both. Probably both.

STEVE
Where’s Mrs. Kreitzberg?!

NANCY
Shut up!

Steve grabs her hand and pulls her away.

NANCY (CONT’D)
Where are we going?! You just got
here! Steve! STEVE!

But Steve doesn’t stop. He breaks into a sprint, dragging
Nancy with him. She laughs giddily, her hair
TV Calling - Forblowing in the
educational purposes only
wind. She glances back at Barb with a wide-eyed smile. Sorry!
56.

Barbara sighs. All alone now.

She looks down at her watch. And waits.
Genres: ["Drama","Teen","Mystery"]

Summary Nancy and Barbara attend a bonfire party on the beach with other high school students. Nancy tries to set Barbara up with Tommy H, but Barbara isn't interested. Steve arrives drunk or high and pulls Nancy away, leaving Barbara alone.
Strengths
  • Effective tension and mystery
  • Well-defined characters and conflicts
  • Engaging dialogue and interactions
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development in this specific scene

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively sets up multiple conflicts and tensions while maintaining a mysterious and intense tone. It keeps the audience engaged and curious about the unfolding events.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of teenagers gathering at a beach bonfire, mixed with elements of mystery and drama, is intriguing and well-executed. It sets the stage for various character interactions and conflicts.

Plot: 7

The plot introduces new conflicts and tensions, especially with the arrival of Steve and his interaction with Nancy. It adds layers to the story and sets up potential developments in future scenes.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh take on the typical high school party setting by focusing on the internal and external goals of the protagonist and exploring themes of social acceptance and individuality. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and relatable, adding to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters, particularly Nancy, Barbara, and Steve, are well-defined and their interactions add depth to the scene. Each character's personality shines through their dialogue and actions.

Character Changes: 6

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the interactions and conflicts set the stage for potential growth and development in future scenes.

Internal Goal: 8

Nancy's internal goal in this scene is to fit in and have a good time at the party despite feeling out of place and uncomfortable. This reflects her desire for acceptance and social connection.

External Goal: 7

Nancy's external goal is to have a fun night at the party and potentially pursue a romantic interest in Tommy H. This goal reflects the immediate circumstances of the party and her desire for excitement and adventure.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The scene is filled with various conflicts, both internal and external, between the characters. These conflicts drive the narrative forward and create tension and drama.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting desires and motivations among the characters that create tension and uncertainty. Nancy's internal struggle to fit in and Barbara's resistance to the party atmosphere add complexity to the scene.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are raised with the arrival of Steve and the escalating tensions between the characters. The scene hints at potential consequences for their actions and decisions.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing new conflicts, tensions, and potential plot developments. It keeps the audience engaged and eager to see what happens next.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected actions of the characters, such as Steve's sudden appearance and Nancy's impulsive decision to follow him. The audience is left wondering about the outcome of these actions and the impact on the characters' relationships.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the characters' desires for social acceptance and fitting in versus their individuality and personal values. Nancy's willingness to engage in the party scene contrasts with Barbara's reluctance and discomfort, highlighting the tension between conformity and authenticity.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from excitement to anxiety, as the characters navigate their interactions and conflicts. The emotional impact adds depth to the storytelling.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue effectively conveys the tensions and conflicts between the characters, especially in the interactions between Nancy, Barbara, and Steve. It adds to the overall tone and atmosphere of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it immerses the audience in the vibrant and chaotic atmosphere of the party, with relatable character dynamics and conflicts that drive the narrative forward.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, with a gradual escalation of conflict and character interactions that keep the audience engaged. The rhythm of the dialogue and action sequences enhances the emotional impact of the scene.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene adheres to the expected format for a screenplay, with clear scene headings, character actions, and dialogue cues. The visual descriptions and character interactions are well-structured and easy to follow.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a party scene in a coming-of-age story, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and formatting effectively convey the chaotic and fast-paced nature of the party setting.


Critique
  • The scene effectively sets the atmosphere of a beach bonfire party with the raging fire, high school students drinking and smoking, and music blasting from a pick-up truck.
  • The dynamic between Nancy and Barbara is portrayed well, with Nancy trying to enjoy the party while Barbara feels out of place and wants to leave.
  • The introduction of Steve adds a sense of tension and unpredictability to the scene, as he appears drunk or stoned and forcefully drags Nancy away.
  • The dialogue between Nancy and Barbara feels natural and helps to establish their characters and relationship.
  • The scene effectively conveys Barbara's sense of loneliness and waiting as she watches Nancy leave with Steve.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more visual descriptions to enhance the setting and atmosphere of the beach party, such as the sound of crashing waves, the smell of salt in the air, or the sight of stars in the sky.
  • Explore deeper into Nancy and Barbara's relationship and individual motivations to add more depth to their characters.
  • Provide more insight into Steve's character and his actions to create a more nuanced portrayal of his behavior.
  • Consider adding internal thoughts or emotions for Barbara to further convey her feelings of isolation and waiting at the party.
  • Add a resolution or follow-up to Barbara's storyline to provide closure to her character arc in the scene.



Scene 38 -  Aggression at Montauk Beach
EXT. FOREST ROAD - END OF NEIGHBORHOOD - NIGHT

Mike looks at his watch. Waiting.

He hears VOICES. He looks up to find Lucas and Dustin biking
his way. They pull up next to him.

MIKE
What happened to ten minutes?

LUCAS
Parents were watching M*A*S*H. No
way past.

DUSTIN
Same.

Mike passes Dustin a WALKIE TALKIE.

MIKE
Stay on channel six, just in case,
but no splitting up or anything
stupid like that, okay?

Dustin nods. “Okay.” Mike climbs onto his bike.

LUCAS
Where are we going?

MIKE
Mirkwood.

And with that, Mike pedals out of the neighborhood.

Lucas and Dustin share worried looks.

And then race after him.

EXT. MONTAUK BEACH - TURTLE COVE - NIGHT

Steve and Nancy race across the moonlit beach.

The bonfire burns dimly behind them. Far away now.

Nancy is out-of-breath.

NANCY
Steve! Can you just tell me where
we’re going?! Steve -- ?!
TV Calling - For educational purposes only
57.

STEVE
Right... here!

Steve shoves Nancy onto a sand dune. She shrieks, laughs.

Steve drops on top of her. Begins kiss her all over.

Nancy is overwhelmed. Her laughter fades.

NANCY
Steve, hey, can we just... talk for
a -- a second...

Steve starts to pull her sweater off. She tries to stop him,
but it’s too late. He tosses the sweater off into the sand.

Nancy covers her bra with her arms. Shy -- and cold.

NANCY (CONT’D)
It, it’s freezing...

Steve isn’t listening. He unbuttons her jeans and yanks them
down below her waist. Nancy’s breathing quickens. Her heart
pounds.

Steve removes a condom from his pocket.

NANCY (CONT’D)
Steve... I, I’ve never...

Steve still isn’t listening. Or doesn’t care.

He tears open the condom wrapper.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary Mike, Lucas, and Dustin meet up and head towards Mirkwood on their bikes while Steve becomes aggressive towards Nancy at Montauk Beach. The scene is tense and uncomfortable as Steve disregards Nancy's discomfort and lack of consent, leading to a troubling end as he prepares to engage in sexual activity despite her objections.
Strengths
  • Effective tension-building
  • Compelling character dynamics
  • Emotional impact
Weaknesses
  • Potentially triggering content
  • Lack of consent in romantic encounter

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively builds tension and sets up a dangerous situation, keeping the audience engaged and on edge.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of teenagers facing peer pressure and making impulsive decisions in a dangerous setting is compelling and well-executed.

Plot: 7

The plot advances as characters make choices that lead to escalating conflict and danger.

Originality: 7.5

The scene introduces a familiar teenage rebellion theme but adds a fresh twist with the characters' interactions and the unexpected turn of events.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters' actions and dialogue reveal their vulnerabilities, desires, and conflicts, adding depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 7

The characters face challenges and make decisions that could lead to significant changes in their relationships and personal growth.

Internal Goal: 8

Mike's internal goal is to lead his friends on an adventure to Mirkwood, showcasing his leadership and bravery.

External Goal: 7.5

The protagonist's external goal is to reach Mirkwood and explore the unknown, facing potential dangers along the way.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between characters, their internal struggles, and the dangerous situation they find themselves in create a high level of tension.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the characters facing internal and external conflicts that challenge their beliefs and values.

High Stakes: 9

The high stakes of the characters' actions, the dangerous situation they are in, and the potential consequences of their choices raise the tension and suspense.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing new conflicts, escalating tension, and setting up future events.

Unpredictability: 8.5

This scene is unpredictable because of the characters' unexpected actions and the sudden shift in tone from adventure to danger.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

There is a philosophical conflict between the characters' desire for adventure and exploration, and the potential consequences of their actions.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes anxiety, fear, and tension in the audience, creating a strong emotional impact.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue effectively conveys the characters' emotions, motivations, and relationships.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the suspenseful atmosphere, realistic character interactions, and unexpected twists that keep the audience invested in the story.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene builds tension effectively, with a balance of action and dialogue that keeps the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings and character actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with well-defined character actions and dialogue that advance the plot effectively.


Critique
  • The transition from Mike, Lucas, and Dustin meeting up and heading towards Mirkwood to Steve and Nancy's encounter on the beach is quite abrupt and jarring. The shift in tone and subject matter is too sudden and may be unsettling for the audience.
  • The scene with Steve and Nancy on the beach lacks sensitivity and portrays a non-consensual situation. The way Steve disregards Nancy's discomfort and boundaries is concerning and could be triggering for some viewers.
  • The scene does not handle the intimate moment between Steve and Nancy with the necessary care and respect. It comes across as forceful and uncomfortable, which can be harmful and perpetuate harmful stereotypes about consent and relationships.
  • The dialogue and actions in the scene contribute to a problematic portrayal of sexual encounters, as it lacks communication, consent, and mutual respect between the characters. This can send harmful messages to the audience about healthy relationships and boundaries.
  • The scene could benefit from a more nuanced and thoughtful approach to depicting intimate moments, ensuring that all interactions are consensual, respectful, and reflective of healthy communication.
Suggestions
  • Consider revising the scene to focus on the characters' emotions, thoughts, and dialogue leading up to the intimate moment, rather than the physical actions themselves.
  • Introduce a more nuanced and respectful portrayal of relationships and consent in the scene to avoid perpetuating harmful stereotypes.
  • Provide clear communication and boundaries between the characters to ensure that the scene promotes healthy relationships and respectful interactions.
  • Consider exploring alternative ways to depict intimacy and relationships that prioritize consent, communication, and mutual respect between the characters.
  • Consult with sensitivity readers or experts in the field to ensure that the scene is handled with care and does not perpetuate harmful narratives about consent and relationships.



Scene 39 -  The Beach
EXT. MONTAUK BEACH - WIDE SHOT

Their silhouetted bodies writhe in the moonlight.

Waves CRASH the shore.

EXT. BEACH - TURTLE COVE - NIGHT

An EXPLOSION OF LAUGHTER.

A very drunk Tommy H. is urinating into the raging bonfire.
Smoke coughs, coals sizzle, everyone think this is hilarious.

Everyone but Barbara. She stares in disgust.

MOMENTS LATER.

Barbara charges down the beach. Call out into the darkness.

BARBARA TV Calling - For educational purposes only
NANCE?! I’M LEAVING! NANCE?!
58.

No answer. Fuck it.

EXT. SIDE OF THE ROAD - NIGHT

Barbara storms back to her car. It’s parked on an empty road.

INT. STATION WAGON - MOMENTS LATER

Barbara leaps in. Turns the keys.

The engine revs, coughs.

BARBARA
Come one, come on...

Barbara turns the keys again. Again. And --

THE RADIO BLASTS TO LIFE. BARB NEARLY JUMPS OUT OF HER SEAT.

The radio begins to cycle rapidly through the stations. The
songs are warped, garbled, static-y. The speedometer rises
and falls, the blinkers flash, the dashboard light stutters.

Barbara looks down. Her arm hairs are standing straight up.

She quickly shuts off the engine and --

Everything stops. Returning to normal.

Barbara stares in confusion. Breathing hard. And...

SMASH! THE WINDOW BEHIND HER SHATTERS.

She screams and --
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller","Horror"]

Summary Barbara leaves a drunken beach bonfire, only to have her car act erratically and the window behind her shatter.
Strengths
  • Effective tension-building
  • Intriguing supernatural elements
  • Emotional impact
Weaknesses
  • Sudden introduction of supernatural elements may be jarring for some viewers

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene effectively builds tension, introduces supernatural elements, and leaves the audience shocked and intrigued.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of supernatural events occurring at a beach party adds an unexpected twist to the storyline.

Plot: 9

The plot advances with the introduction of supernatural elements and the escalation of conflict.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the familiar party setting by incorporating elements of supernatural or unexplained phenomena. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters' reactions to the supernatural events add depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 7

Barbara experiences a significant change in her perception of reality due to the supernatural events.

Internal Goal: 8

Barbara's internal goal in this scene is to assert her independence and leave the party that she is uncomfortable with. This reflects her deeper need for autonomy and control over her own choices.

External Goal: 7

Barbara's external goal is to physically leave the party and return to her car. This reflects the immediate challenge she faces in the chaotic environment.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between the characters and the supernatural elements creates a high level of tension.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Barbara facing internal and external challenges that create conflict and drive the narrative forward.

High Stakes: 9

The high stakes involve supernatural occurrences and the characters' safety.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by introducing new elements and escalating the conflict.

Unpredictability: 9

This scene is unpredictable because of the sudden and unexplained supernatural events that occur, adding a sense of mystery and tension.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between Barbara's desire for independence and the pressure to conform to the party atmosphere. This challenges her values and beliefs about personal agency.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes fear, confusion, and shock in the audience.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue effectively conveys the characters' emotions and reactions to the unfolding events.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its suspenseful atmosphere and the unexpected events that unfold, keeping the audience on edge.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, leading to a climactic moment that keeps the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and easy to follow, with concise descriptions and effective use of scene transitions.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for a suspenseful moment in a screenplay, building tension and leading to a climactic event.


Critique
  • The scene opens with a strong visual of silhouetted bodies writhing in the moonlight, setting a mysterious and atmospheric tone.
  • The contrast between the drunken antics of Tommy H. and Barbara's disgust adds depth to the scene and highlights Barbara's character.
  • Barbara's frustration and determination to leave the party are effectively portrayed through her actions and dialogue.
  • The sudden shift in the car with the radio blasting to life and the subsequent eerie events create a sense of tension and unease.
  • The scene effectively builds suspense and leaves the reader intrigued by the mysterious events unfolding around Barbara.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more internal thoughts or emotions for Barbara to further develop her character and enhance the reader's connection with her.
  • Explore the use of sensory details to immerse the reader in the scene, such as describing the sounds of the radio cycling through stations or the feeling of Barbara's arm hairs standing up.
  • Ensure a smooth transition between the beach setting and Barbara's car to maintain the flow of the scene.
  • Consider adding a bit more clarity or foreshadowing regarding the supernatural elements introduced in the scene to enhance the overall mystery and intrigue.
  • Experiment with varying sentence structures and pacing to create a more dynamic and engaging narrative flow.



Scene 40 -  Strange Phone Call
EXT. VOLKSWAGEN - NIGHT

The VW headlights grow brighter and brighter, so bright they
blind our vision. We hear a SHRIEKING SOUND, pitched so high
it’s almost painful. Just when we think we can’t take it
anymore, the sound fades.

The headlights flicker and dim.

The station wagon is empty.

Barbara has vanished.

EXT. FOREST ROAD - NIGHT

VROOM! Jonathan rides the moped up to his house.

He dismounts and bounds up the porch. As he does, we turn our
gaze to the shed. Chester is once
TV again
Callingpacing by the door.
- For educational purposes only
59.

Back and forth. Back and forth. Back and --

INT. BYERS HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

Jonathan swings open the front door.

He finds his mom sitting cross-legged on the floor. She is
working on a MISSING PERSONS POSTER for Will. Bold red
letters read: “HAVE YOU SEEN ME?”

PHOTOGRAPHS OF WILL are strewn across the floor.

Joyce looks up at Jonathan. Bleary eyed.

JOYCE
Anything?

Jonathan shakes his head. “No.”

JONATHAN
You?

JOYCE
Hopper’s out looking, a bunch of
people are, but...

Joyce fights back tears. Returns to the photographs.

Jonathan sits down beside her and looks over the photographs.
They have been artfully taken by him over the years. There is
a photo of Will building a sand castle... riding a raft...
eating a hotdog at Coney Island... visiting the city...

Jonathan fights back tears. His voice emerges low, choked.

JONATHAN
...I’m sorry.

JOYCE
Sorry? What’re you sorry for?

Jonathan says nothing. Doesn’t feel he needs to.

Joyce takes his hand. Squeezes it.

JOYCE (CONT’D)
Hey. This wasn’t your fault, baby,
you hear me? You hear me?

Jonathan averts his gaze.

JOYCE (CONT’D)
He’s gonna come home soon. I know
it. I know it... because I feel- For educational purposes only
TV Calling
him. I feel him in my heart.
(MORE)
60.
JOYCE (CONT’D)
He’s close. He’s close. You believe
me, Jonathan, right?

Jonathan finally looks at his mom. And nods.

Joyce smiles faintly. She holds up a pair of photographs, one
in each hand. Will on the raft. Will at Coney Island.

JOYCE (CONT’D)
What do you think?

Jonathan considers. Chooses Coney island.

JONATHAN
I... I always liked this one.

Joyce smiles softly.

JOYCE
...Me too.

An emotional beat. Then:

The kitchen phone BLARES TO LIFE.

Joyce and Jonathan look up sharply. News.

MOMENTS LATER - KITCHEN

Joyce grabs up the phone. Her voice tense, strained.

JOYCE
Yes -- hel--hello?

There is no answer. But she can hear the sound of LOW
BREATHING on the other end.

JOYCE (CONT’D)
Lonnie...? Hopper...?

Still no answer.

JOYCE (CONT’D)
Who is this?

Jonathan stands up. Getting worried now.

The SOUND OF BREATHING grows louder.

JOYCE CONT’D)
Who is this?! Answer me!

At last we hear a voice. It sounds very far away.
TV Calling - For educational purposes only
It is the voice of a boy.
61.

DISTANT VOICE
...Mom...

Joyce pales. Tears rush to her eyes.

JOYCE
Will?!! Will?!!

Jonathan races over to his mom.

JOYCE (CONT’D)
Where are you, baby?! Talk to me!
WILL?! WILL?!

But Will’s voice is now gone. In its place...

Another voice. GUTTURAL. INHUMAN. Shifting in pitch.

JOYCE (CONT’D)
WHO IS THIS? WHAT HAVE DONE WITH MY
BABY?! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!!

Silence. Then --

A HIGH-PITCHED SHRIEK ERUPTS FROM THE RECEIVER.

Joyce gasps in pain and drops the phone. She looks at her
hand. Her palm is seared and her arm hair is standing
straight up.

She backs away from the phone. Her eyes wide with dread.

Jonathan grabs up phone. His voice shakes.

JONATHAN
Who is this?! WHO IS THIS?!

But the phone line is now dead.

Joyce slumps down to the floor.

She begins to sob.

VOICE (PRE-LAP)
HEELLLLP!
Genres: ["Mystery","Thriller","Horror"]

Summary Jonathan finds his mother, Joyce, making a missing person's poster for Will. They reminisce over old photos, and Joyce expresses hope that he will return soon. The phone rings, and Joyce answers it, hearing only heavy breathing. A voice then whispers, "...Mom...". Joyce screams and drops the phone, revealing a burn on her hand. The line goes dead. Jonathan grabs the phone, but there is no answer. Joyce collapses, sobbing.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Suspenseful atmosphere
  • Strong character development
Weaknesses
  • Possible confusion with the supernatural elements

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly impactful, combining suspense, horror, and emotional depth effectively. The intense moments and emotional turmoil experienced by Joyce and Jonathan make it a standout scene.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of a mysterious phone call from a missing loved one, combined with supernatural elements and emotional depth, is executed brilliantly in this scene.

Plot: 8

The plot is driven by the mystery of the phone call and the emotional turmoil of Joyce and Jonathan, adding depth to the overall narrative.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the theme of a missing person, blending elements of mystery, horror, and family drama to create a unique and engaging story. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds depth and complexity to the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Joyce and Jonathan are well-developed and their emotional journey in this scene is compelling and relatable.

Character Changes: 8

Both Joyce and Jonathan experience significant emotional changes in this scene, deepening their character arcs.

Internal Goal: 9

Jonathan's internal goal is to find his missing brother and bring him home safely. This reflects his deep desire to protect his family and his fear of losing a loved one.

External Goal: 8

Jonathan's external goal is to uncover the mystery behind his brother's disappearance and confront the unknown forces at play in their town.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is intense, both internally for the characters and externally in the mysterious events unfolding.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the characters facing external threats and internal conflicts that challenge their beliefs and values, creating a sense of uncertainty and danger.

High Stakes: 9

The high stakes of finding Will and the supernatural elements at play heighten the tension and fear in the scene.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by revealing new information and deepening the emotional stakes for the characters.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists and turns in the plot, as well as the shifting dynamics between the characters that keep the audience guessing.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the struggle between hope and despair. Joyce's unwavering belief that her son is still alive clashes with Jonathan's more realistic and fearful outlook on the situation.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 10

The emotional impact of the scene is profound, evoking fear, sadness, and anxiety in the characters and the audience.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue effectively conveys the fear, confusion, and desperation of the characters, enhancing the emotional impact of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense emotional moments, suspenseful pacing, and dramatic revelations that keep the audience on the edge of their seats.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is expertly crafted to build tension and suspense, with a gradual escalation of events leading to a climactic moment that leaves the audience wanting more.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene is formatted in a clear and concise manner, with effective use of scene transitions and dialogue to drive the story forward.

Structure: 9

The scene follows a well-defined structure that builds tension and suspense, leading to a climactic revelation that propels the narrative forward.


Critique
  • The transition from the previous scene to this one is abrupt and lacks a smooth connection, causing confusion for the reader.
  • The emotional intensity of the scene is powerful, but some of the dialogue feels a bit forced and melodramatic.
  • The use of sound effects like the SHRIEKING SOUND and LOW BREATHING adds to the suspense, but could be more effectively integrated into the narrative.
  • The revelation of the voices on the phone could be more subtly hinted at earlier in the scene to build up tension and anticipation.
  • The scene could benefit from more visual descriptions to enhance the atmosphere and immerse the reader in the setting.
Suggestions
  • Consider revising the transition between scenes to create a smoother flow and better continuity.
  • Refine the dialogue to make it more natural and authentic, avoiding overly dramatic moments.
  • Integrate the sound effects more organically into the narrative to enhance the suspense without feeling forced.
  • Build up the mystery of the voices on the phone by hinting at them earlier in the scene, creating a more gradual reveal.
  • Enhance the visual descriptions to paint a vivid picture of the setting and emotions, immersing the reader in the scene.



Scene 41 -  Stranger Encounter
EXT. UNKNOWN - NIGHT

Barbara stumbles out onto the beach.

Her face is pale and blood pours from her nose and ears.

She crashes to a halt. Looks around for help. Desperate.
TV Calling - For educational purposes only
62.

But there is no bonfire. No kids. No party. Yet somehow,
impossibly, she can hear the sound of music, of kids talking,
laughing. Only it all sounds far away. Like a distant memory.

A dense fog has drifted in from the Atlantic and the waves
roll in slowly, much slower than normal, as if the world now
moves at quarter speed. The wet sand is covered in more of
those strange, throbbing growths, and the sky is shrouded in
dark clouds. Electric blue lighting flashes, streaking the
sky, and --

Barbara hears something. Something wet. Guttural.

She turns. And pales. Obscured beneath the fog:

A HORDE OF SHADOWED FIGURES. TALL. DISFIGURED.

One of them walks on all fours.

They are coming this way.

Coming for her.

She screams.

And...

EXT. MIRKWOOD - LATER

WHOOSH! Our boys bike onto “Mirkwood.”

They scan the trees. Calling out:

MIKE
Will?! WILL?!

LUCAS
WILL?!

DUSTIN
I’ve got your Uncanny! 269!

There is no response but the chirp of cicadas.

They bike on in silence for a little while.

Lucas grows impatient.

LUCAS
Why are we even here? My mom says
there’s a whole search party --

MIKE
But they don’t know Will, and he
TV Calling - For educational purposes only
doesn’t know them. He knows us.
63.

LUCAS
So?

MIKE
So what if he’s scared and --

A SHADOWED FIGURE SUDDENLY APPEARS IN THE MIDDLE OF ROAD --
RACING ACROSS THE PAVEMENT -- RACING RIGHT FOR OUR BOYS --

Mike’s eyes shoot wide -- he spins the wheel to the left --

Too fast -- he loses control -- skids --

Dustin and Lucas crash into him --

They all tumble -- and --

WHOOM! SLAM INTO PAVEMENT.

They roll to stop. Dirt coughs.

LUCAS
...What... what was that? Mike?

Mike doesn’t respond. Instead, he climbs to his feet, turns
around, and looks back at the darkened road behind them.

The SHADOWED FIGURE is standing there. Staring right at him.

Mike is wide-eyed. Scared. Slowly, very slowly, he raises his
flashlight and aims it at the figure. The beam illuminates:

A young girl. Bald head. Wild eyes. Fish ‘N Fry T-shirt.

ELEVEN.

She looks at Mike. He looks at her.

Their gaze holds a beat. And then...

A LOW GROWL RUMBLES. Mike hears it.

He looks up at the night sky.
Genres: ["Horror","Thriller","Sci-Fi"]

Summary Barbara encounters shadowy figures on a misty beach, while Mike, Lucas, and Dustin cross paths with an enigmatic entity and Eleven amidst the ominous Mirkwood.
Strengths
  • Effective tension-building
  • Intriguing introduction of new characters
  • Compelling blend of genres
Weaknesses
  • Slightly abrupt transition between scenes
  • Some dialogue could be more impactful

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene effectively builds tension and mystery, keeping the audience engaged and on edge. The introduction of Eleven adds a new dimension to the story, increasing the stakes and setting up future conflicts.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of mysterious shadowed figures and the introduction of Eleven as a supernatural character are innovative and intriguing. The scene effectively blends elements of horror, thriller, and sci-fi genres to create a unique and compelling atmosphere.

Plot: 9

The plot advances significantly in this scene, introducing new characters and conflicts while maintaining a sense of suspense and mystery. The encounter with Eleven and the shadowed figures adds depth to the story and sets up future developments.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a unique and mysterious setting, with supernatural elements and a sense of impending danger. The characters' reactions and dialogue feel authentic and contribute to the tension.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters in the scene, particularly Eleven and the main boys, are well-developed and engaging. The introduction of Eleven as a mysterious and powerful character adds complexity to the story, while the boys' reactions to the supernatural events help to drive the plot forward.

Character Changes: 7

The characters, especially Mike, undergo a subtle change as they encounter the supernatural events in the scene. Their reactions and responses to the mysterious occurrences hint at future character development and growth.

Internal Goal: 8

Barbara's internal goal is to find help and escape from the shadowed figures that are coming for her. This reflects her fear, desperation, and survival instincts.

External Goal: 9

The protagonist's external goal is to survive and avoid being captured by the shadowed figures. This reflects the immediate danger and threat she is facing.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The scene is filled with conflict, both internal and external, as the characters encounter supernatural threats and face their fears. The presence of Eleven and the shadowed figures raises the stakes and creates a sense of imminent danger.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the shadowed figures posing a significant threat to the protagonist and creating a sense of danger and urgency.

High Stakes: 9

The scene is filled with high stakes as the characters encounter supernatural threats and face imminent danger. The presence of Eleven and the shadowed figures raises the stakes and creates a sense of urgency and suspense.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by introducing new characters, conflicts, and supernatural elements. It sets up future plot developments and raises the stakes for the main characters, driving the narrative towards its climax.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the sudden appearance of Eleven and the unexpected turn of events.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the contrast between Barbara's desire for safety and the looming threat of the shadowed figures. It challenges her beliefs about her own strength and ability to overcome adversity.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a strong emotional response from the audience, eliciting feelings of fear, suspense, and intrigue. The introduction of Eleven and the supernatural elements adds depth to the emotional impact of the story.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the characters' emotions and reactions to the supernatural events unfolding. It adds to the suspense and tension of the scene, keeping the audience engaged.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its suspenseful atmosphere, high stakes, and strong character reactions.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a gradual build-up of tension and suspense leading to a dramatic climax.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of the scene is well-executed, with clear scene headings, descriptions, and dialogue.

Structure: 9

The scene follows a clear and engaging structure, building tension and suspense effectively.


Critique
  • The transition from Barbara's terrifying experience on the beach to the boys biking in Mirkwood feels abrupt and disjointed. There is a lack of smooth transition between the two scenes, causing a jarring shift in tone and atmosphere.
  • The description of the shadowed figures approaching Barbara lacks detail and specificity, leaving the reader with a vague and unclear image of the threat she is facing. More vivid and descriptive language could enhance the sense of danger and suspense in the scene.
  • The dialogue between the boys as they bike through Mirkwood feels forced and unnatural. The conversation does not flow organically and the lines come across as expository rather than authentic interactions between friends.
  • The introduction of Eleven at the end of the scene is sudden and lacks buildup. There is a missed opportunity to build tension and anticipation leading up to the reveal of Eleven, which could have heightened the impact of her appearance.
  • The use of sound cues, such as the low growl and the voice calling for help, could be more effectively integrated into the scene to create a sense of unease and suspense. These elements feel somewhat disconnected from the visual descriptions and could be better woven into the narrative.
Suggestions
  • Consider revising the transition between Barbara's experience on the beach and the boys biking in Mirkwood to create a smoother flow between the two scenes. This could involve establishing a stronger connection or thematic link between the two settings.
  • Enhance the description of the shadowed figures approaching Barbara to create a more vivid and chilling image of the threat she faces. Use sensory details and evocative language to heighten the sense of danger and suspense.
  • Revise the dialogue between the boys to make it more natural and authentic. Focus on developing their individual voices and personalities to create a more engaging and realistic conversation.
  • Build anticipation leading up to the reveal of Eleven by incorporating subtle hints and clues throughout the scene. Create a sense of mystery and intrigue surrounding her character to make her introduction more impactful.
  • Integrate sound cues more effectively into the scene to enhance the atmosphere and create a sense of foreboding. Use auditory elements to complement the visual descriptions and evoke a stronger emotional response from the reader.



Scene 42 -  Approaching Storm
INT. BYERS HOUSE - NIGHT

Joyce and Jonathan hear it too.

They look out the window with tear stained eyes.

EXT. WOODS - NIGHT

Hopper’s radio crackles to life.
TV Calling - For educational purposes only
64.

CALLAHAN (O.S.)
(filtered )
You hear that Chief?

Hopper doesn’t respond. His eyes fixed on the sky.

We follow his gaze.

RISING UP...

Over his head...

AND UP...

Over Camp Hero base...

AND UP...

Over the shadowed trees...

AND UP...

To the dark silhouetted clouds in the sky above.

A LOW GROWL RUMBLES, just like in the opening scene. But this
time, it grows louder, and louder, shaking our eardrums.

An ELECTRIC BLUE light flashes behind the clouds.

The storm is no longer coming.

It’s here.

END EPISODE




TV Calling - For educational purposes only
Genres: ["Horror","Sci-Fi","Thriller"]

Summary Chief Hopper, Joyce Byers, and her son, Jonathan, witness a menacing electric blue light flashing behind ominous clouds. Recognizing it as the approaching storm from the night Will Byers disappeared, they share a silent moment of fear and awe.
Strengths
  • Effective use of suspense and tension
  • Compelling genre blend of horror, sci-fi, and thriller
  • Strong emotional impact on characters and audience
Weaknesses
  • Minimal dialogue
  • Limited character development in this specific scene

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene effectively builds tension and sets up a climactic moment with the arrival of the storm. The combination of genres, tone, and sentiment creates a compelling and engaging atmosphere for the audience.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of a looming storm with supernatural elements is intriguing and well-executed. The scene effectively introduces this concept and sets the stage for further developments in the story.

Plot: 9

The plot advances significantly in this scene with the introduction of the storm and the heightened sense of danger. The conflict and emotional impact drive the narrative forward and keep the audience engaged.

Originality: 9

The level of originality in this scene is high, as it introduces fresh and unique supernatural elements, creates an authentic sense of fear and suspense, and presents characters' actions and dialogue in a compelling and engaging way.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters' reactions to the mysterious events add depth and tension to the scene. Their fear and shock are palpable, enhancing the overall atmosphere of suspense.

Character Changes: 7

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the characters' reactions to the supernatural events reveal their fears and vulnerabilities. The experience of facing the unknown forces them to confront their deepest fears.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is likely to understand and confront the supernatural threat that is unfolding. This reflects their deeper need for protection of their loved ones and their fear of the unknown.

External Goal: 7.5

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to respond to the supernatural threat and protect the town from potential harm. This reflects the immediate circumstances of facing a dangerous and unknown force.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The level of conflict in the scene is high, with the characters facing a supernatural threat and experiencing fear and shock. The impending danger of the storm and the mysterious growling sound create a sense of urgency and tension.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in this scene is strong, as the characters are faced with a powerful and unknown supernatural force that presents a significant challenge and threat to their safety and well-being.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in this scene, with the characters facing a supernatural threat and the imminent danger of the storm. The sense of fear and uncertainty raises the stakes and creates a sense of urgency and suspense.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing a major plot development with the arrival of the storm. The escalating tension and sense of danger set the stage for further conflicts and revelations in the narrative.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because it introduces unexpected supernatural elements, creates a sense of impending danger, and leaves the audience unsure of what will happen next.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the clash between the natural world and the supernatural forces at play. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs in the known and unknown, as well as their worldview of order and chaos.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact on the characters and the audience, with fear and shock being prominent sentiments. The characters' reactions and the supernatural events evoke strong emotions and create a sense of dread.

Dialogue: 7

While there is minimal dialogue in this scene, the characters' interactions and reactions effectively convey the sense of fear and impending danger. The dialogue serves the purpose of building tension and setting the tone for the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it effectively builds tension, creates a sense of mystery and danger, and leaves the audience wanting to know more about the supernatural threat that is unfolding.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by gradually building tension, creating a sense of urgency, and keeping the audience engaged and invested in the unfolding events.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings, descriptions, and dialogue that contribute to the overall atmosphere and tone of the scene.

Structure: 8

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, building tension and suspense through visual and auditory cues, and effectively setting up the narrative for future events.


Critique
  • The transition from the previous scene to this one is abrupt and lacks a smooth connection. It would benefit from a clearer transition to help the audience understand the shift in location and characters.
  • The scene lacks depth in character emotions and reactions. Joyce and Jonathan hearing the low growl and looking out the window with tear-stained eyes could be further explored to convey their fear, concern, and sense of impending danger.
  • The description of Hopper's reaction to the radio crackling and his fixed gaze on the sky is vague and could be more detailed to enhance the tension and suspense of the moment.
  • The buildup to the storm's arrival could be heightened with more atmospheric descriptions and sensory details to create a more immersive experience for the audience.
  • The use of sound, such as the low growl rumbling and growing louder, is effective in creating tension, but could be further emphasized through visual cues and character reactions to enhance the impact of the impending storm.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief transition or establishing shot to smoothly transition from the previous scene to this one, providing context for the audience.
  • Develop the characters' emotional responses to the approaching storm, particularly Joyce and Jonathan, to deepen the sense of urgency and danger.
  • Enhance the description of Hopper's reaction and the buildup to the storm's arrival with more vivid imagery and sensory details to create a more immersive atmosphere.
  • Explore ways to visually and narratively amplify the impact of the storm's arrival, utilizing both sound and visual cues to heighten the tension and suspense of the scene.
  • Consider incorporating additional elements, such as character interactions or internal thoughts, to further engage the audience and build anticipation for the climactic moment of the storm's arrival.