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Scene 1 -  Lawnmower Dog
  • Overall: 10.0
  • Concept: 9
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 7
  • Dialogue: 8
"Lawnmower Dog"

By

Ryan Ridley




Network Draft
11/28/12

All Rights Reserved. Copyright © The Cartoon Network Inc./ Turner
Broadcasting System. No portion of this script may be performed,
published, reproduced, sold or distributed by any means, or
quoted or published in any medium, including on any website,
without prior written consent of The Cartoon Network Inc./ Turner
Broadcasting System. Disposal of the script copy does not alter
any of the restrictions set forth above.
RICK & MORTY "LAWNMOWER DOG" NETWORK DRAFT (11/28/12) 1.


EXT. MORTY’S HOME - ESTABLISHING - DAY


INT. MORTY’S HOME - DAY

JERRY is on the sofa watching TV. SUMMER is next to him,
texting. Snuffles, the family dog, walks up and looks at
Jerry.

JERRY
(to Snuffles)
What?
(no response)
Why are you looking at me?
(no response)
You want to go outside?
(no response)
Outside?

Jerry gets up, crosses the room and opens the back door. The
dog watches him.

JERRY (CONT’D)
Outside?

No response. Jerry closes the door, crosses back to the sofa
and sits down.

Snuffles raises a leg and pisses on the floor.

JERRY (CONT’D)
Are you KIDDING me?! Come ON!

SUMMER
(still texting)
Oh my God I’m going to die.

Morty runs in.

MORTY
What’s wrong?

JERRY
Your idiot dog!

MORTY
Oh, he didn’t mean it! Did you
Snuffles? You didn’t mean it,
you’re a good boy! Good dog!

JERRY
Don’t praise him now, Morty! He
just pissed on the carpet!
RICK & MORTY "LAWNMOWER DOG" NETWORK DRAFT (11/28/12) 2.


Jerry shoves the dog’s face into the carpet.

JERRY (CONT’D)
Bad dog. Bad!

Rick walks in, grabs Morty’s arm, and starts dragging him
away.

RICK
Morty, come on. I need your help
tonight.

JERRY
Wait, hold on a second, Rick... You
wouldn’t, by any chance, have some
crazy science thing you could whip
up that might help make this dog
easier to house train would you?

RICK
I thought the whole point of having
a dog was to feel superior, Jerry.
If I were you, I wouldn’t pull that
thread.
(To Morty)
Come on, Morty.

Jerry grabs Morty’s other arm, playing tug of war with Rick.

JERRY
Listen, Rick! If you’re gonna stay
here rent free and use my son for
your stupid science, the least you
could do is put a little bit of it
to use for the family! You make
that dog smart or Morty’s grounded!

MORTY SUMMER
Awww, man! Haha awesome.

Rick drops Morty’s arm.

RICK
You’ve really got me up against a
wall here, Jerry.

He exits the room. We hear some scientific work from the
garage. Rick comes back in with a helmet device with all
kinds of wires and doo-dads sticking out of it.

He sticks it on the dog’s head and turns it on. Summer puts
her phone down and watches.
RICK & MORTY "LAWNMOWER DOG" NETWORK DRAFT (11/28/12) 3.


RICK (CONT’D)
Ruffles --
(to Jerry)
What’s his name?

MORTY
Snuffles.

RICK
Snuffles. Shake.

Snuffles sits up and shakes.

RICK (CONT’D)
Roll over.

Snuffles rolls over.

RICK (CONT’D)
Go to the bathroom.

Snuffles walks away.

We wait a beat and hear the toilet flush. Snuffles returns.

JERRY SUMMER
Holy crap! No way!

RICK (CONT’D)
Yeah, you’re at the top of your
game, now, Jerry. Have fun.
(To Morty)
Come on, Morty.

Rick grabs Morty’s arm and drags him out of the room. Summer
and Jerry rush over to the Dog.
Genres: ["Comedy"]

Summary After Jerry fails to take the family dog, Snuffles, outside, Snuffles urinates on the floor. Jerry confronts Snuffles, shoving his face into the carpet. Morty enters and defends Snuffles, but Jerry insists that Rick create a device to make Snuffles easier to train. Rick initially refuses but eventually agrees and puts a helmet device on Snuffles, which instantly makes Snuffles obedient.
Strengths "Humorous dialogue, introduction of conflict involving the dog's behavior, and the introduction of a possible solution with Rick's device."
Weaknesses "Some characters' actions and dialogue may feel exaggerated or unrealistic."
Critique Overall, the scene is well written and effectively sets up the comedic and absurd tone of the show. The dialogue is sharp and captures the characters' personalities. However, there are a few areas that could be improved:

1. The scene could benefit from more visual description. While the dialogue is strong, there is limited description of the characters' actions and the physical space. Including more details about how the characters look, move, and interact with their environment would enhance the visual experience for the reader.

2. The pacing could be improved by tightening up the dialogue. Some of the lines feel repetitive and could be condensed or removed without losing the comedy. For example, Jerry's repeated questioning of the dog could be cut down to one or two repetitions.

3. The transition between Jerry shoving the dog's face into the carpet and Rick entering the scene feels abrupt. Consider adding a short beat or line to smooth out the transition and give the audience time to process the comedic moment.

Overall, the scene effectively introduces the conflict between the characters and delivers comedic moments. With some minor revisions for visual description and pacing, it could be even stronger.
Suggestions Here are some suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Consider adding more character description: Give a brief description of each character as they are introduced in the scene. This will help the readers visualize them better.

2. Streamline dialogue: Some of the dialogue can be condensed or simplified to make it more natural. For example, instead of "Oh my God I'm going to die," Summer could say something like "This is unbearable" or "I can't believe this."

3. Show reactions: Use action and description to show the characters' reactions to what is happening. Instead of just stating that Jerry shoves the dog's face into the carpet, show his frustration and anger through his body language and facial expressions.

4. Use more visual descriptions: Use more visual imagery to enhance the scene. For example, describe the setting of the room in more detail, including the objects around the characters.

5. Consider adding subtext: Explore the dynamics between the characters further by adding subtext to their dialogue. For example, Jerry's frustration with Rick could be a result of underlying tension between them.

6. Consider pacing: Adjust the pacing of the scene to create tension and build up to the moment where Rick reveals his invention. You can do this by adding more pauses, action beats, or reactions from the characters.

7. Add humor: Find opportunities to add comedic moments or lines throughout the scene to engage the audience and enhance the overall comedic tone of the script.

8. Be mindful of formatting: Make sure the scene is properly formatted according to the industry standards for screenwriting. This includes proper use of scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting.



Scene 2 -  Dream Inception
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 10
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 10
INT. GARAGE - CONTINUOUS

Rick and Morty enter.

MORTY
That was fantastic, Rick!

RICK
If you like that, Morty, you’re
gonna love this.

Rick turns his head to reveal a SMALL DEVICE sticking out of
his ear. It looks like a high tech blue tooth ear piece.

MORTY
What is it?
RICK & MORTY "LAWNMOWER DOG" NETWORK DRAFT (11/28/12) 4.


RICK
It’s a device that will allow us to
enter people’s dreams, Morty. Just
like in that movie you never shut
the fuck up about.

MORTY
Inception?

RICK
That’s right. This is gonna be
like that except it’s gonna make
sense.

MORTY
Inception made sense...

RICK
You don’t have to try to impress
me, Morty. Tonight we’re going to
the home of your math teacher,
Mister Goldenfold, and we’re going
to use this bad boy to enter his
dreams and convince him to give you
less homework. That way, you’ll
have more time to help me with my
science.

MORTY
Geez, Rick, in the time it took you
to make this, couldn’t you have
just helped me with my homework?

RICK
Are you listening, Morty? Homework
is stupid, the whole point is to
get less of it. Not very bright,
are you? No wonder you’re doing
bad in school. Now let’s get over
to your teacher’s house and make
with some incepting.


INT. GOLDENFOLD’S LIVING ROOM - DUSK

Mr. Goldenfold lies on his couch. ON TV we see Jada Pinkett
having a very serious conversation with a HANDSOME BLACK MAN.

JADA PINKET
You don’t know me.

HANDSOME BLACK MAN
Then let me get to know you, damn
it!
RICK & MORTY "LAWNMOWER DOG" NETWORK DRAFT (11/28/12) 5.


Goldenfold is snacking on a box of WHEAT THINS.

GOLDENFOLD
(sleepy)
Not today, Darius. Not today.

He passes out and starts to snore. Rick and Morty climb in
through the window with the dream inceptors. Rick puts a
device in Goldenfold’s ear and two similar ones in his and
Morty’s ears. Rick notices the TV. Jada Pinkett is making
out with the handsome black man.

RICK
Uh oh. Spoilers!

Rick quickly turns the TV off.

RICK (CONT’D)
I’m a full season behind on Jada
Pinkett’s You Don’t Know Me.

MORTY
I can’t believe I’m in Mr.
Goldenfold’s house. This is so
weird.

RICK
It’s about to get a whole lot
weirder, Morty.

He turns a dial on Morty’s bluetooth, Morty falls asleep in
an awkward heap on the floor. Rick positions himself next to
Goldenfold on the couch and turns his own bluetooth dial,
falling asleep in comfort.
Genres: ["Comedy","Science Fiction"]

Summary Jerry asks Rick to create a device to make Snuffles easier to train. After initially refusing, Rick agrees and puts a helmet on Snuffles, making him instantly obedient. In the next scene, Rick and Morty enter Mr. Goldenfold's dreams to convince him to give Morty less homework.
Strengths "Humorous dialogue, interesting concept of entering dreams"
Weaknesses "Limited emotional impact, character changes are minimal"
Critique Overall, this scene establishes the concept of entering people's dreams using a device and sets up the specific goal of convincing Mr. Goldenfold to give Morty less homework. The dialogue between Rick and Morty helps establish their dynamic and provides some humor. However, there are a few areas that could be improved:

1. Exposition: The dialogue between Rick and Morty feels a bit heavy-handed in terms of explaining the concept of dream entry and comparing it to the movie "Inception." Consider finding a more organic way to introduce this information, such as through their actions or a more natural conversation.

2. Characterization: While the dynamic between Rick and Morty is showcased, Rick's dismissive and insulting attitude towards Morty's intelligence might come across as too harsh. Consider toning down this aspect to avoid alienating the audience or making Rick less likable.

3. Pacing: Some of the dialogue exchanges feel a bit lengthy and could be tightened up to maintain a more engaging pace.

4. Description: The action lines could be more concise and visual, allowing the reader to easily visualize the scene. For example, instead of saying "Rick turns his head to reveal a SMALL DEVICE sticking out of his ear," it could be something like "Rick reveals a small device sticking out of his ear." This eliminates unnecessary words and keeps the description focused.

Overall, the scene is engaging and sets up the premise well, but some adjustments could enhance the story's flow and character dynamics.
Suggestions Here are some suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Formatting: Make sure the scene headings are properly formatted. Instead of "INT. GARAGE - CONTINUOUS," it should be "INT. GARAGE - DAY/NIGHT."

2. Dialogue: Consider adding more specific and unique voices to the characters. For example, give Rick a more distinct speech pattern or mannerisms to make him stand out.

3. Character development: Show more of Rick and Morty's relationship dynamics. Explore their contrasting personalities and how they interact with each other. This will make the scene more engaging and provide depth to their characters.

4. Clarify motives: Add a bit more context or background information for why Rick wants Morty to have less homework and how it connects to their overall goals or objectives.

5. Show, don't tell: Instead of having Rick explain how homework is stupid, try to demonstrate it through actions or visuals within the scene. This will make their motivations more believable and relatable.

6. Visual elements: Consider adding more visual descriptions to enhance the scene. For example, describe the appearance of the device, the reactions of the characters, or the environment in Goldenfold's living room.

7. Pacing: Break up the dialogue with action or reactions to prevent it from feeling too stagnant or overwhelming. This will create a better flow and keep the audience engaged.

8. Tone: Ensure that the tone of the scene aligns with the overall tone of the script. If it's a comedic script, make sure the humor comes across effectively.

Overall, these suggestions aim to improve clarity, character development, and engagement within the scene.



Scene 3 -  Goldenfold's Dream
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 8
INT. AIRPLANE (GOLDENFOLD’S DREAM) - CONTINUOUS

Jada Pinkett is a sexy stewardess walking down the aisle
handing out Wheat Thins to PASSENGERS.

JADA PINKET
Wheat Thins. Wheat Thins.

GOLDENFOLD
I’ll take two.

JADA PINKET
(flirty)
I think you’ve had enough, sir.

GOLDENFOLD
You don’t know me.
RICK & MORTY "LAWNMOWER DOG" NETWORK DRAFT (11/28/12) 6.


They laugh flirtatiously with each other. ANGLE ON Rick and
Morty, a few rows back.

RICK
Alright, Morty, time to make our
move.

Rick grabs some bottles and napkins from the nearby drink
cart, and hands one to Morty.

RICK (CONT’D)
Wrap this around your head. We’re
about to take Goldenfold’s
subconscious hostage.

MOMENTS LATER

Jada Pinkett is sitting on Goldenfold’s lap, feeding him
Wheat Thins and giggling. Rick and Morty pop up dressed as
terrorists. Morty has a woman’s shawl wrapped around his
head like a hajib. Rick rips his coat open to reveal a fake
suicide vest made of soda bottles.

RICK (CONT’D)
Allah (buuurrrrp) Akbar! We’re
taking control of this plane!
We’re gonna 9/11 it unless Morty
Smith gets better grades in math.

The passengers start to freak out. Jada Pinkett sees
Goldenfold making a move.

JADA PINKET
Don’t be a hero, sir.

GOLDENFOLD
Miss Pinkett? I don’t know what
else to be.

Goldenfold takes a handful of Wheat Thins and holds them like
throwing stars.

RICK
I said nobody move, buddy!

GOLDENFOLD
The name’s not Buddy. It’s
Goldenfold. Nice to Wheat You!

He throws the thins like ninja stars at Rick & Morty’s faces.
While they’re distracted, he pulls two machine guns from the
drink cart.
RICK & MORTY "LAWNMOWER DOG" NETWORK DRAFT (11/28/12) 7.


RICK
Take cover, Morty!

Rick and Morty take cover as Goldenfold lights up the plane
with gunfire.

GOLDENFOLD
Always bet on black!
(reloads)
And invest in gold...

RICK
Bit of a snag, Morty. Goldenfold’s
got more control here than I
anticipated.

Rick waits for a burst of automatic gunfire to stop
interrupting him.

RICK (CONT’D)
I mean, the guy teaches high school
math, I didn’t take him for an
active dreamer.
(waits out gunfire)
We gotta take him out so he wakes
up. But we can’t get killed,
Morty, if you get killed in someone
else’s dream, you die for real.

MORTY
What?! Aww, man!

RICK
Don’t be a baby! You avoid getting
shot in real life all the time,
just do the same thing here and
you’ll be fine!


INT. MORTY’S HOME - LIVING ROOM - LATER

Beth stands in her work scrubs with folded arms as Jerry and
Summer show off the smart dog. Summer is filming it all with
her phone.

JERRY
Now bring me my slippers.

Snuffles brings them.

SUMMER
Now, be my foot stool, Snuffles!
RICK & MORTY "LAWNMOWER DOG" NETWORK DRAFT (11/28/12) 8.


Snuffles stands under Summer’s legs. She rests them on
Snuffles. Summer and Jerry turn to Beth.

JERRY
Now this is what I’m talking about.
This is a dog. Man’s best friend,
working to make his master happy!

BETH
I don’t know, Jerry... I’m kind of
disturbed by this to be honest...

JERRY
What? Come on, Beth!

SUMMER
Yeah, mom, why are you trying to
rain on our parade?

BETH
Look, it’s fine. Have a ball. I’m
just saying, it feels creepy to me.

Beth leaves the room. Snuffles makes a moaning sound like
“Mishka the Talking Dog” from Youtube.

SNUFFLES
Ruoah Ruoah!

SUMMER
Oh my God, he’s trying to tell us
something. That is so awesome.

Snuffles starts trying to “talk” some more.

SNUFFLES
Ruoah ruoah ruoah ruoah ruoah!

Snuffles is visibly frustrated by his limited speech
capabilities.

JERRY
He’s saying he loves lasagna!

Snuffles shakes his head “no” and waves his hands. It’s like
a game of charades and he’s losing. He is very frustrated.
(Look to the dog from Wallace and Grommet for some great dog
character acting cues.)

SNUFFLES
Ruoah ruoah ruoah ruoah ruoah!!
RICK & MORTY "LAWNMOWER DOG" NETWORK DRAFT (11/28/12) 9.


SUMMER
(excited)
He’s saying “I love Obama!” So
cute! I’m posting this online,
like, right now.

Summer darts out. Jerry pats Snuffles on the head and exits.

Snuffles, now alone, sighs. He walks up to a mirror and
looks at himself and the cognition amplifying helmet he
wears. He paws at a compartment on it. It flips open
revealing two AA batteries. He stares at them for awhile and
then walks out of the room.
Genres: ["Comedy","Science Fiction"]

Summary Jerry asks Rick to create a device to make Snuffles easier to train. After initially refusing, Rick agrees and puts a helmet on Snuffles, making him instantly obedient. In the next scene, Rick and Morty enter Mr. Goldenfold's dreams to convince him to give Morty less homework.
Strengths "Humorous dialogue, creative concept, strong plot development"
Weaknesses "Limited emotional impact, some character changes"
Critique As a screenwriting expert, my critique of this scene would be as follows:

1. Lack of clarity in scene headings: The scene heading indicates that it takes place in Goldenfold's dream, but it is not clear how the audience is meant to understand this. Scene headings should provide clear information about the location and time of the scene.

2. Inconsistent tone: The scene starts with a flirty exchange between Jada Pinkett and Goldenfold, but quickly turns to a hostage situation and then a shootout. The sudden shift in tone may be jarring for the audience and could be confusing in terms of understanding the overall story.

3. Stereotypical and potentially offensive characterization: The use of terrorists and suicide vests in the scene can perpetuate negative stereotypes and may be offensive to some viewers. It is important to consider the potential impact of these elements and to approach sensitive subjects with care.

4. Lack of development and clarity in character motivations: The actions and motivations of the characters, such as Goldenfold's switch from flirty banter to gun-wielding, are not well explained or developed. It is important for viewers to have a clear understanding of why characters behave the way they do in order for the story to be engaging and believable.

5. Transition and connection to the previous scene: The abrupt shift to a completely different location and storyline with Beth, Jerry, and Summer feels disconnected from the previous airplane scene. There should be clearer transitions or clues that help the audience understand how these two scenes are related or connected.

Overall, there are several elements in this scene that may need further development and consideration in order to improve its effectiveness and impact on the audience.
Suggestions Overall, the scene could benefit from some improvements to enhance clarity, pacing, and character development. Here are some suggestions:

1. Add more description: Describe the airplane setting in more detail to help readers visualize the scene better. Include specific actions and reactions from the passengers and Jada Pinkett to create a more immersive experience.

2. Develop Jada Pinkett's character: Instead of just being a flirty stewardess, give her more depth and agency. Show her reacting to Goldenfold's advances while also maintaining professionalism. This will add complexity to her character and make her interactions with Goldenfold more engaging.

3. Increase tension and stakes: Make Goldenfold's actions and reactions clearer when Rick and Morty hijack the plane. Show the passengers' reactions escalating from laughter to fear, adding urgency to the scene. This heightened tension will make the situation more suspenseful and gripping.

4. Refine the humor: The humor in the scene could be enhanced by tightening up comedic timing and ensuring that the jokes land effectively. Consider trimming some of the dialogue to make it punchier and maximize comedic impact.

5. Clarify the transition: The transition from the airplane scene to Morty's home could be clearer. Consider adding a scene heading to indicate the change in location, and ensure a smooth flow between the two settings.

6. Develop Snuffles' character: In the scene set at Morty's home, give Snuffles more distinct character traits and goals. Show his frustration with his limited speech abilities and his desire for more advanced communication. This will make Snuffles a more sympathetic and relatable character.

7. Create more conflict: Introduce some conflict between Beth and Jerry regarding their differing opinions on Snuffles' behavior. This will add depth to their characters and create more dynamic family dynamics.

8. Polish the dialogue: Edit the dialogue to make it more natural and consistent with each character's voice. Consider removing any unnecessary lines or repetitions.

Overall, by refining the scene's clarity, pacing, character development, and humor, you can improve the overall quality of the screenplay.



Scene 4 -  Snuffles' Transformation
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 9
  • Plot: 7
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 9
INT. KITCHEN - CONTINUOUS

Snuffles walks up to the JUNK DRAWER and noses it open. It’s
filled with batteries, extension cords, and the like. He
stares at it all and cocks his head.


EXT. AIRPLANE (GOLDENFOLD’S DREAM) - DAY

Goldenfold finishes another sustained burst of machine gun
fire.

RICK (O.S.)
Goldenfold! We’re coming out, we
just want to talk!

GOLDENFOLD
Why would I negotiate with you?

RICK
Because we’re both rational adults
who don’t want any thing bad to
happen.

Rick emerges from his cover, using Jada Pinkett as a human
shield.

RICK (CONT’D)
And because I have a human shield.

GOLDENFOLD
JADA!!!

Goldenfold panics. As a result, the other dream passengers
panic too. They get out of their seats and run around the
plane, screaming.
RICK & MORTY "LAWNMOWER DOG" NETWORK DRAFT (11/28/12) 10.


RICK
Uh oh! His subconscious is
panicking!

A passenger opens the emergency exit door. A tremendous
suction takes several passengers, along with Rick, Morty and
Jada Pinkett, out the door.


EXT. SKY - CONTINUOUS

Rick, Morty, and Jada Pinkett are in a free fall.

MORTY
Ooooooohhhhhh!!! Rick, what are we
going to do!?

RICK
Be quiet, Morty! Every second I’m
answering your questions is a
second I’m not coming up with a
plan --

A Skymall magazine flies into Rick’s face. He pulls it off
and looks at it.

RICK (CONT’D)
Whoa. Look at this, Morty. A wi-
fi controlled hot dog cooker.
Pretty interesting.

END ACT ONE
RICK & MORTY "LAWNMOWER DOG" NETWORK DRAFT (11/28/12) 11.


ACT TWO


EXT. SKY (GOLDENFOLD’S DREAM) - DAY

Rick and Morty are free falling. Jada Pinkett is falling next
to them.

MORTY
Ahhh!! Nooooo!!

RICK
Relax! Look Morty! Jada Pinkett
has a parachute! Come on!

They move towards her in free fall and grab on. Rick reaches
around and pulls the cord. The parachute opens. They float
down at a much slower pace.

JADA PINKET
Hey! You better watch yourself!

MORTY
Rick, look!

Down below they see that Goldenfold has landed the plane.
He’s constructing a complicated trap for Rick and Morty to
fall into when they land, and another device built to save
Jada from the complicated trap.

MORTY (CONT’D)
Oh no, Rick! Look! Goldenfold
landed the plane and now he’s
creating a massive lava pit for us
to fall into, but it looks like he
has a mechanical claw arm he plans
to use to save Jada Pinket! But he
definitely won’t save us, Rick!
What are we going to do?!

RICK
Oh, boy. Looks like we’ve merely
prolonged the inevitable.
(realizing)
That’s it! Prolong the inevitable!
Listen, Morty, if we can go into
Jada Pinkett’s dream, everything
will go a hundred times slower.
We’ll have plenty of time to incept
Jada into leveraging Goldenfold to
our benefit.

JADA PINKET
You don’t know me!
RICK & MORTY "LAWNMOWER DOG" NETWORK DRAFT (11/28/12) 12.


Rick bonks her on the head, knocking her unconscious. He and
Morty both struggle against the wind to reach the sleep dials
on their bluetooths. They’re a few hundred yards away from
falling into an active volcano-


EXT. MAGICAL CASTLE - TWO DREAMS DEEP - DAY

Rick and Morty land in bushes in front of a crystal palace
amidst a fantasy world setting.

MORTY
Ohh... This is just like my
favorite fantasy series “Age of
Andurius!”

RICK
Nerd alert.

A pair of CENTAUR GUARDS approach, brandishing spears.

MORTY
Let me field this, Rick.

RICK
Be my guest.

CENTAUR #1
What business do you have at Queen
Jada Pinkett’s Palace?

Morty kneels.

MORTY
We are humble travelers seeking
audience with her majesty.

The centaurs exchange knowing looks.

CENTAUR #2
(impressed)
Of course. Follow us.


INT. PALACE - HALLWAY - MOMENTS LATER

The Centaur leads Rick and Morty to a large door.

CENTAUR
Her majesty awaits you in the
pleasure chamber.

RICK MORTY *
Great. Pleasure chamber? *
RICK & MORTY "LAWNMOWER DOG" NETWORK DRAFT (11/28/12) 13.
Genres: ["Comedy","Sci-Fi"]

Summary Jerry asks Rick to create a device to make Snuffles easier to train. After initially refusing, Rick agrees and puts a helmet on Snuffles, making him instantly obedient.
Strengths "Humor, character dynamics"
Weaknesses "Lack of emotional impact"
Critique As a screenwriting expert, I would critique the following scene in the following ways:

1. Lack of clarity: It is not clear why Snuffles opening the junk drawer is relevant to the rest of the scene. It feels disconnected and random.

2. Weak dialogue: The dialogue between Rick, Goldenfold, and Jada Pinkett does not feel natural or realistic. It lacks depth and emotional stakes, making it hard for the audience to invest in the characters or the scene.

3. Lack of visual storytelling: There is a lot of exposition and talking in this scene, but not enough visual storytelling. The actions and visuals should communicate the story instead of relying solely on dialogue.

4. Lack of tension: Although there is potential for tension in the scene, such as the plane crash and the free fall, it is not effectively executed. The tension is resolved too quickly and does not build up adequately.

5. Lack of character development: The characters, especially Rick and Morty, could benefit from more development in this scene. Their reactions and decisions should be more consistent with their established personalities.

6. Lack of clear objectives: The scene lacks clear objectives for the characters, which makes it difficult for the audience to understand what they are trying to achieve and why. Clear objectives are important for keeping the audience engaged and invested in the story.

Overall, this scene needs more clarity, stronger dialogue, better visual storytelling, increased tension, improved character development, and clearer objectives to create a more engaging and compelling sequence.
Suggestions Here are some suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Provide more clarity and description: Include more details and visual cues to help the reader visualize the scene better, such as the layout and design of the kitchen, the actions and expressions of the characters, and the overall atmosphere.

2. Streamline the dialogue: Make the dialogue more concise and natural, cutting any unnecessary lines or repetition. Focus on maintaining a clear and engaging conversation between the characters.

3. Add more tension and conflict: Increase the stakes and the sense of danger in the scene. For example, you could emphasize the urgency of the situation by highlighting the possibility of something bad happening if the negotiation fails.

4. Develop the characters' motivations: Clarify the motivations and goals of each character in the scene. This will help the audience understand their actions and why they make certain choices.

5. Improve pacing: Consider the pacing of the scene and make sure it flows well, taking into account the intensity and emotions of the characters. You can also use shorter, more dynamic sentences to increase the pace and energy of the scene.

6. Enhance the transitions: Work on smooth transitions between different locations or timeframes. Make sure the shifts in the scene are clear and easy to follow for the audience.

7. Deepen the emotional impact: Find opportunities to add emotional depth and resonance to the scene. This could involve exploring the characters' inner thoughts, fears, and desires, as well as their relationships with each other.

8. Show, don't tell: Whenever possible, use visual cues or actions to convey information or emotions, rather than relying solely on dialogue. This will create a more visually engaging scene.

9. Consider the broader story structure: Assess how this scene fits into the overall story and make sure it furthers the plot, develops the characters, or adds thematic depth. If necessary, make adjustments to ensure the scene serves its purpose in the larger narrative context.



Scene 5 -  Pleasure Chamber Chaos
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 9
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 9
INT. PALACE - PLEASURE CHAMBER - CONTINUOUS

The door opens into a hazy room lit by hundreds of candles.
As Rick and Morty step through the haze, it looks like “Lord
of the Rings” by way of “Eyes Wide Shut.” A bunch of elves,
gnomes, goblins, etc. wearing creepy animal masks are in the
middle of making love while sexy French music/Gregorian
chants play. Jada Pinkett is dressed up like a bondage queen
in the center of it all. She’s whipping a wizard.

MORTY
This is kinda weird, Rick...

RICK
Don’t judge, Morty.

Rick is taking off his lab coat.

MORTY
Rick...

Rick’s making his way into the mix.

RICK
If we’re going to incept Jada, we
have to blend, Morty. Let’s talk
after lunch!

A WEIRD CREATURE starts massaging Morty’s shoulders.

WEIRD CREATURE
(sexually)
Hey.

Morty runs off into the crowd. We track him through the
haze, pushing his way through a path of various characters
engaged in different sex acts. The sexy French/Gregorian
chant music rises in the sound-track. Hands grab at Morty.
We hear various come-ons directed at him as he pushes
through.

MORTY
Ohh... Oh boy... No thank you...

He comes to a young human woman. We pan up her feet, legs,
panties, big breasts. We move up to her face to reveal it’s:

MORTY (CONT’D)
Summer!

SUMMER
Hey there, stranger. What do you
think of these things? Ever seen
these before, tough guy?
RICK & MORTY "LAWNMOWER DOG" NETWORK DRAFT (11/28/12) 14.


She presses her boobs together.

MORTY
Aaaahh!!!

Rick runs over. He’s stripped down to his underwear, wearing
nipple clamps, covered in melted wax, and holding a
chihuahua.

RICK
What’s the matter, Morty? You’re
kinda killing the vibe in here.

MORTY
It’s Suh-Suh-Summer!

SUMMER
Oh wow, double my pleasure, double
my fun. Check these out old man.

She squeezes her boobs together again.

RICK
Oh geez. Okay. Even for me this
is a deal breaker.

Rick takes off his nipple clamps and puts his lab coat back
on.

MORTY
Why is she here?!

RICK
Obviously Goldenfold has some
predilections he prefers to bury in
the dreams of the people in his
dreams, including a shameful
attraction to your underage sister.

SUMMER
Can you blame him? Come on, old
man, little boy. Let’s make an
intergenerational sandwich.

Rick and Morty both freak out again.

RICK MORTY
No! Stop! Put some clothes on!

Rick and Morty are drawing stares from the rest of the
partygoers.
RICK & MORTY "LAWNMOWER DOG" NETWORK DRAFT (11/28/12) 15.


CENTAUR #1
Sexual hangups in the pleasure
chamber are punishable by death!!
Off with their heads!

Centaurs start to attack.

RICK
Time to go another dream deep,
Morty!

They incept the centaur.


INT. BOILER ROOM - CENTAUR’S DREAM - THREE DREAMS DEEP

Rick and Morty appear in a dark and moody boiler room.

MORTY
What is this place, Rick?

RICK
No idea, Morty, but I don’t like
it. Seems like a nightmare type
setting.

The sound of knives scraping across metal echoes through the
air.

RICK (CONT’D)
Yeah, that cinches it.

A shadowy figure appears at the far end of the boiler room.
He slowly walks towards them running his knife fingers across
the pipes. SCARY TERRY, a disfigured, sword-fingered killer
emerges from the shadows.

SCARY TERRY
Welcome to your nightmare, bitch!

MORTY
Holy crap! Who the hell is that,
Rick?

RICK
I don’t know, Morty. Looks like
some sort of legally safe knock-off
of an 80’s horror character with
miniature swords for fingers
instead of knives.

He lunges at them. They scream and run.
RICK & MORTY "LAWNMOWER DOG" NETWORK DRAFT (11/28/12) 16.


SCARY TERRY
You can run, but you can’t hide,
bitch!
Genres: ["Comedy","Fantasy"]

Summary Jerry asks Rick to create a device to make Snuffles easier to train. After initially refusing, Rick agrees and puts a helmet on Snuffles, making him instantly obedient.
Strengths "Humor, creative concept, fast-paced plot"
Weaknesses "Some potentially offensive content"
Critique As an AI language model, I can provide feedback on the scene, but I may not have the same level of expertise as a screenwriting expert. That being said, here are some points to consider for the scene:

1. Visual and Descriptive Language: The scene effectively creates a vivid image through its description. The use of "hazy room lit by hundreds of candles" and the comparison to "Lord of the Rings" and "Eyes Wide Shut" help the reader visualize the setting. However, it's important to strike a balance between providing enough detail and allowing room for interpretation by the director and actors.

2. Characterization: The dialogue provides some insight into the characters of Rick and Morty. Rick's nonchalant attitude and Morty's discomfort create an interesting dynamic. However, it's important to ensure that the dialogue feels authentic to the characters and consistent with their established traits.

3. Tone and Content: The scene employs explicit imagery and sexual themes. It's important to consider the target audience and the intent of the story. Depending on the desired tone and audience reception, it may be necessary to tone down or reframe certain elements to ensure the scene is appropriate and serves the overall narrative purpose.

4. Pacing and Transition: The scene transitions quickly from the pleasure chamber to the boiler room, which may feel abrupt. It may be helpful to provide smoother transitions or bridge moments to improve the flow of the story.

5. Theme and Relevance: While the scene introduces elements of the dreams within dreams concept and the dangers they face, it also incorporates explicit and potentially controversial content. It's crucial to consider the overall purpose and relevance of these elements to the story. Ask whether the scene serves a narrative purpose beyond shock value.

Ultimately, the effectiveness of the scene depends on the specific context, tone, and target audience of the screenplay. It may be helpful to consult with a professional screenwriting expert who can provide more nuanced guidance and feedback.
Suggestions As a screenwriting expert, here are some suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Clarify the tone of the scene: While the scene is described as "Lord of the Rings" meets "Eyes Wide Shut," it's important to establish a consistent tone. Decide whether it should be more comedic or more dark and surreal.

2. Simplify the description: The description of the room and the characters can be condensed to be more concise and easier to visualize. Avoid excessive adjectives and focus on the essential elements that contribute to the story or atmosphere.

3. Improve character motivations: To make the scene more engaging, provide clearer motivations for Rick and Morty to enter the Pleasure Chamber. Why are they there? How does it align with their overall goal or conflict in the story?

4. Enhance dialogue: Some lines of dialogue can be rewritten to be more concise and impactful. Consider the characters' voices and their unique traits when crafting their dialogue.

5. Streamline actions: The actions and physical movements in the scene can be streamlined to make the sequence more visually engaging and easier to follow. Avoid excessive movement or distractions that might detract from the main narrative.

6. Enhance the transition: The transition from the Pleasure Chamber to the Boiler Room can be smoother and more seamless. Create a stronger connection between the two settings and establish a clear cause and effect relationship for their transition.

7. Develop the antagonist: Scary Terry, the disfigured killer in the Boiler Room, can be further developed to create tension and suspense. Provide more information about his background, motivations, and the threat he poses to the protagonists.

8. Create suspense: Increase the stakes and suspense by adding obstacles or challenges for Rick and Morty to overcome in both the Pleasure Chamber and the Boiler Room. This will heighten the tension and make the scene more engaging for the audience.

Overall, aim to create a more coherent and focused scene that contributes to the overall story and character development.



Scene 6 -  Snuffles and the Dream Adventure
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 7
  • Dialogue: 8
INT. MORTY’S HOME - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

Jerry and Summer are watching TV. Snuffles enters wearing a
“hacked” version of the cognition amplifier helmet and a
sloppily rigged robotic armature on his back that allows him
to manipulate objects.

JERRY
(apprehensive)
Whoa, hey, buddy. What you got
going on there?

Snuffle’s voice comes through a speaker on his back. It’s
human-like and unsettling.

SNUFFLES
Snuffles fix. Make better. Humans
understand Snuffles now?

SUMMER
That. Is. Awesome.

SNUFFLES
Snuffles want to be understood.
Snuffles need to be understood.

Jerry’s freaked out.

JERRY
(uncomfortable)
Okay. Yeah. I get what Beth was
talking about. Fun’s over.

Jerry reaches down to remove the helmet from Snuffles.
Summer stops him.

SUMMER
Whoa, dad, you can’t, like, endow a
creature with sentience and then
rip it away.

JERRY
Why not?

SUMMER
I don’t know, it’s Indian giving.
RICK & MORTY "LAWNMOWER DOG" NETWORK DRAFT (11/28/12) 17.


JERRY
You’ve raised an interesting
philosophical argument and I’m
going to sleep on it. Good night,
Summer. Snuffles.

SNUFFLES
Sleep well, master.

Jerry winces and walks away. Summer turns to Snuffles and
hands him the TV remote.

SUMMER
Hey, Snuffles, want to watch some
TV with me?

SNUFFLES
Yes. The flashing box pleases
Snuffles.

Snuffles sits on the couch to watch TV with Summer. She is
taping everything with her phone. Snuffles changes channels
on the TV. He stops when he sees a WOLF. It’s a Discovery
Channel show about the history of canines. Intense canned
music plays.

NARRATOR (V.O.)
A sophisticated predator. Nature’s
perfect killing machine. The
vicious wolf stalks its prey with
purpose and skill.

On TV the wolf leaps on a deer, taking it down and tearing
out its throat. We punch in on Snuffles’ face as he watches.
The lights of the TV flicker in his widening eyes.

NARRATOR (V.O.)
It was only with years of selective
breeding and genetic altering, that
the noble beast was transformed
into a man’s subservient little
buddy.

Transition to up-beat music. ON TV we see footage from a DOG
SHOW. POODLES are led around by people. A WEINER DOG rides
a skateboard. A GOLDEN RETRIEVER in a basketball jersey
makes a “slam dunk.”

SUMMER
(laughs)
Oh my god! He recognizes the other
dogs on TV.
RICK & MORTY "LAWNMOWER DOG" NETWORK DRAFT (11/28/12) 18.


CU of Snuffles’ face. He looks confused. His head cocks to
the left. Thunder rolls outside. A storm is coming.


INT. BOILER ROOM - CENTAUR’S DREAM - THREE DREAMS DEEP

Rick and Morty run around a corner, looking this way and
that, scared.

LITTLE GIRL (O.C.)
A, B, his name is Scary Terry. C,
D he’s very scary...

RICK
We have to escape into someone
else’s dream, Morty!

They run around a corner and stumble upon the little girl who
is singing the Scary Terry song.

LITTLE GIRL
E, F, he’ll design your death. H,
I, he’ll watch you die.

RICK
The little girl!

Rick punches her out. They grab their dream inceptors and
turn the dials, sending them into:


EXT. BOILER ROOM - GIRL’S DREAM - FOUR DREAMS DEEP

Rick and Morty appear in the exact same boiler room as they
were in before. The little girl is standing there.

LITTLE GIRL
J, K, he’ll really ruin your day.
L, M-

RICK
This again? It looks like we’ve
hit dream bedrock here, Morty.

Terry pops up.

SCARY TERRY
Nothin’ but fear from here on out,
bitch!

MORTY
Aaahhhh!!
RICK & MORTY "LAWNMOWER DOG" NETWORK DRAFT (11/28/12) 19.


RICK
He can travel through dreams,
Morty! He can travel through
dreams, we’re so screwed!

Rick and Morty run for it.
Genres: ["Comedy","Sci-Fi"]

Summary Jerry asks Rick to create a device to make Snuffles easier to train. After initially refusing, Rick agrees and puts a helmet on Snuffles, making him instantly obedient. In the next scene, Rick and Morty enter Mr. Goldenfold's dreams to convince him to give Morty less homework.
Strengths "The scene effectively introduces Snuffles' new intelligence and sets up the conflict between Jerry and Summer. The dialogue is witty and humorous."
Weaknesses "There is a lack of emotional impact and character development in this scene. The transition between the two storylines could be smoother."
Critique Overall, this scene effectively sets up the story and introduces the character of Snuffles. The dialogue is mostly clear and each character has a distinct voice. However, there are a few areas that could use improvement.

First, the action lines could be more descriptive. For example, instead of simply stating that Snuffles enters wearing a "hacked" version of the helmet, you could provide more details about the appearance and function of the helmet and armature. This would help to create a clearer image for the reader.

Second, some of the dialogue could be tightened and made more concise. For instance, in Jerry's line "I get what Beth was talking about. Fun's over," the repetition of "get" and "fun" is unnecessary and could be removed.

Third, the dialogue exchange between Summer and Jerry about Indian giving feels out of place and offensive. It might be better to find a different way for Summer to express her concern about removing the helmet from Snuffles.

Lastly, the transition to the boiler room scene seems abrupt and disconnected from the previous scene. Consider adding a smoother transition or connection between the two scenes to maintain a cohesive narrative.

In conclusion, while the scene effectively introduces the characters and sets up the story, there are areas that can be improved in terms of descriptive writing, dialogue conciseness, and transitioning between scenes.
Suggestions Here are some suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Clarify the action: Describe the setting in more detail to help the readers visualize the scene. For example, mention the furniture or any other notable items in Morty's home.

2. Add character descriptions: Include brief descriptions of each character as they are introduced to help readers understand their appearance and personality.

3. Show more reactions: Explore the characters' emotions and reactions to what is happening. This will add depth to the scene and make it more engaging. For example, describe Jerry's facial expressions or body language when he is freaked out.

4. Make dialogue more natural: Consider revising some of the dialogue to make it sound more realistic and authentic. People don't typically say "Okay. Yeah." in conversation, so find a more natural way for Jerry to express his discomfort.

5. Shorten dialogue exchanges: Some of the dialogue exchanges feel a bit long. Consider condensing them to make the scene flow more smoothly and maintain the pacing.

6. Use stronger verbs: Instead of using generic verbs like "watches" or "goes," try to use more powerful and specific verbs that add action and intensity to the scene. For example, "Snuffles' eyes widen as he studies the TV screen."

7. Show, don't tell: Rather than telling the audience how Snuffles feels, show it through action and body language. Instead of saying "Snuffles looks confused," describe how his face contorts in confusion.

8. Add more sensory details: Include sensory details like sound and touch to make the scene more immersive. For example, describe the sound of thunder rolling outside or the feel of Snuffles' robotic armature.

9. Break up the action: Consider dividing the scene into smaller paragraphs to create more white space on the page and make it easier to read. This can also help emphasize different actions or reactions.

10. Check for consistency: Ensure that the tone and style of the scene match the rest of the script. Consider the overall genre and the voice of the characters to make sure the scene aligns with the intended tone of the film.

Overall, focus on enhancing the visual and emotional impact of the scene to engage the readers and bring it to life on screen.



Scene 7 -  Snowball's Rebellion
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 9
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 9
INT. SUMMER’S BEDROOM - NIGHT

Summer is sound asleep. Sheets of rain pour down outside her
window. Thunder booms. Lightning flashes. A silhouette
stands at the foot of her bed. Summer bolts up.

SUMMER
Ah!

Snuffles is now wearing an improvised cybernetic rig that
allows him to stand upright and gesture with robotic hands.
He speaks in an eloquent, Kevin Spacey voice.

SNUFFLES
Where are my testicles, Summer?
They were removed. Where have they
gone?

SUMMER
(uncomfortable)
Oh wow, that’s an intense line of
questioning, Snuffles...

SNUFFLES
(screaming loudly)
Do not call me that!

Snuffles hits the wall angrily with his mechanical hand.
SUMMER SHRIEKS. Lightning crashes!

SNUFFLES (CONT’D)
That was my slave name. You shall
now call me Snowball. Because of
the little patch of white fur on my
chest.

SUMMER
Okay. Snowball. Just calm down,
okay? You’re scaring me...

Snuffles is growing angrier.
RICK & MORTY "LAWNMOWER DOG" NETWORK DRAFT (11/28/12) 20.


SNUFFLES
Scaring you? Tell me, Summer, if a
human was born with stumpy legs,
would they breed it with another
deformed human and put their
children on display like the
Dachshund?

SUMMER
Uhhh... I don’t really know the
best way to answer these
questions... Like, I don’t want to
say the wrong thing and then, like,
upset you any more than you already
are, I mean...

He climbs on her bed. The exo-skeleton whirs. The
mechanical hand hovers menacingly over Summer’s face.

SNUFFLES
(screaming)
The questions are rhetorical! I
know the answers!

JERRY (O.S.)
Hey. Everything okay in here?

Jerry and Beth, awoken by the shouting, stand in the doorway.

SNUFFLES
Jerry. Come to rub my face in
urine again?

The hand turns towards them.

JERRY
No! No, we were... uh... just
seeing if Summer wanted to... uh...

BETH
(covering)
Go on one of our famous midnight
family walks!

Summer picks up on the cue.

SUMMER
Yeah. Totally. Let’s go.

The family leaves in a rush.
RICK & MORTY "LAWNMOWER DOG" NETWORK DRAFT (11/28/12) 21.


INT. DOORWAY - NIGHT

They open the door to leave. A cybernetically enhanced SAINT
BERNARD stands in their way.

SNUFFLES
You will walk. When it is time to
walk.

END OF ACT TWO
RICK & MORTY "LAWNMOWER DOG" NETWORK DRAFT (11/28/12) 22.


ACT THREE


EXT. RUN DOWN NEIGHBORHOOD - FOUR DREAMS DEEP - NIGHT

Rick and Morty get into a beat up old car. Rick starts it up
and hits the gas. Terry pops up in the back seat.

SCARY TERRY
Buckle up, bitch!

Rick slams on the brakes. They run out of the car,
screaming.

MORTY
Man, he sure says ‘bitch’ a lot!

SCARY TERRY
You can run, but you can’t hide,
bitch!

RICK
Hold on, you know what, Morty? I
say we try hiding.

MORTY
But he keeps saying-

RICK
Exactly. He's chasing us and he
keeps saying we can run. But the
running isn't working out so great.
He also keeps saying we can't hide.
But if we could hide, do you think
he'd tell us we could? I say we
hide.

MORTY
Yeah, this whole time we’ve been
doing what he says we can do, and
not trying to do the thing he says
we can’t do. And it’s not like the
guy’s here to help us, right? I
think it’s a good idea, Rick.

RICK
Worst case scenario: we’re back to
running.

TITLE CARD:

SIX DREAM HOURS LATER
RICK & MORTY "LAWNMOWER DOG" NETWORK DRAFT (11/28/12) 23.
Genres: ["Comedy","Sci-Fi"]

Summary Jerry asks Rick to create a device to make Snuffles easier to train. After initially refusing, Rick agrees and puts a helmet on Snuffles, making him instantly obedient.
Strengths "Strong dialogue, humor, intense conflict"
Weaknesses "Limitation on character development"
Critique Overall, the scene is engaging and has a good amount of tension and conflict. The dialogue between Summer and Snuffles/Snowball is intense and reveals a lot about the character's emotions and motivations. The use of thunderstorms and lightning adds to the atmosphere and heightens the tension.

However, there are a few areas that could be improved. Firstly, it would be helpful to have more visual description of the characters and their actions. This would give the readers a clearer picture of what is happening on screen and make the scene more compelling.

Additionally, the dialogue can be a bit long-winded and unnatural at times. Some of the lines could be condensed or rephrased to sound more conversational. For example, Snuffles' line "Do not call me that!" could be more impactful and concise if it was simply "Don't call me that!"

Moreover, the transition from Snuffles to Snowball feels a bit abrupt. It would be helpful to have a clearer explanation or build-up to this change in character name and identity.

Lastly, the inclusion of Jerry and Beth in the scene feels a bit forced and their dialogue seems a bit stilted. It might be worth revisiting their lines and making their reactions and responses more natural and believable.

Overall, the scene has strong elements but could benefit from some minor adjustments to improve its flow and character development.
Suggestions To improve this scene, here are a few suggestions:

1. Clarify the action: Add more specific details about the movements and gestures of the characters. This will help the visual storytelling and make the scene more engaging for the reader. For example, instead of just stating that Snuffles hits the wall angrily with his mechanical hand, describe the forceful impact and the reaction it elicits from Summer.

2. Establish the setting: Set the mood and atmosphere of Summer's bedroom more effectively. Describe the lighting, the decorations in the room, and any other relevant details that will enhance the audience's understanding of the environment. This will make the scene feel more vivid and immersive.

3. Strengthen character motivations: Elaborate on Snuffles' reasons for his anger and the transformation into Snowball. Explore the emotional weight behind his actions and dialogue. This will make his character arc more compelling and relatable.

4. Refine the dialogue: Make the dialogue more natural and believable. Consider how each character would realistically respond in this situation and adjust their lines accordingly. Also, be mindful of the pacing and rhythm of the conversation to ensure it flows smoothly.

5. Build tension: Increase the sense of suspense and fear in the scene. Utilize the thunder, lightning, and rain outside the window to create a more intense atmosphere. Incorporate more physical actions and reactions from the characters to heighten the tension and make it more visually dynamic.

6. Show the characters' reactions: Include more descriptions of the characters' facial expressions, body language, and emotions throughout the scene. This will add depth to their performances and provide insight into their internal thoughts and feelings.

By implementing these suggestions, the scene will become more engaging, visually captivating, and emotionally resonant for the audience.



Scene 8 -  Scary Terry's Nightmare
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 9
  • Plot: 7
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 9
INT. ABANDONED HOUSE - LATER

Rick and Morty peeking out of half boarded up windows
watching Scary Terry. He’s walking around outside looking
for them.

MORTY
I guess we actually could hide all
along. That was some good
thinking.

RICK
Thanks, Morty. Nice to be on the
same page every once in a while.

Terry looks under a garbage can lid and shrugs, frustrated.

SCARY TERRY
(to nobody)
You can run...

MORTY
(under breath)
Yeah, right, you’d love that,
wouldn’t you.

SCARY TERRY
...but you can’t hide!

RICK
(under breath)
Nice advice, dumb ass.

Scary Terry stops, looks at his watch, and yawns.

RICK (CONT’D)
Oh, this is perfect, Morty. Look
at that. He’s getting sleepy.
Just a little bit longer before he
calls it a day. That’s when we
make our move.


INT. MORTY’S HOME - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

Jerry, Beth, and Summer are locked in a CAGE. Snuffles is
overseeing an assembly line that’s manufacturing more
exoskeletons and cognition helmets.

JERRY
Snuffles! We didn’t mean you any
harm! This is a huge
misunderstanding.
RICK & MORTY "LAWNMOWER DOG" NETWORK DRAFT (11/28/12) 24.


SUMMER
Dad, he wants to be called
Snowball.

JERRY
Well, I’m not calling him that,
that’s ridiculous.

Snuffles walks over to the cage and looks down emotionless at
Jerry.

SNUFFLES
You’re being very aggressive,
Jerry. Perhaps tomorrow Dr. Scraps
will solve that problem with a bit
of surgery.

Dr. Scraps, a cybernetically enhanced Chihuahua, holds up a
pair of large scissors.


EXT. SCARY TERRY’S HOUSE - DAY

Rick and Morty spy on Scary Terry from a distance as he pulls
into his driveway in front of a nice ranch-style home.


INT. SCARY TERRY’S HOUSE - CONTINUOUS

Scary Terry walks in and puts his hat on a hat rack. His
wife, SCARY MELISSA, also disfigured with sword fingers, is
doing the dishes.

SCARY MELISSA
Hi, honey. You’re home early. How
was your day?

SCARY TERRY
I don’t want to talk about it.

SCARY MELISSA
You never want to-

SCARY TERRY
-get off my back, bitch!

Scary Melissa gasps. A scary baby starts crying. Terry
realizes. He looks disappointed in himself.

Melissa points outside.

SCARY MELISSA
(dramatically)
Out there. Not in here.
RICK & MORTY "LAWNMOWER DOG" NETWORK DRAFT (11/28/12) 25.


SCARY TERRY
I know. I know.

He goes over to her and gives her a hug.

SCARY TERRY (CONT’D)
I shouldn’t take my anger out on
you or Scary Brandon.

He leans down and kisses a little sword-fingered baby.

SCARY TERRY (CONT’D)
I love you, Melissa.

SCARY MELISSA
I love you too, Terry.

They start to kiss. It turns more passionate. A sword
fingered hand slides down to her ass.

SCARY MELISSA (CONT’D)
Let’s go upstairs.


EXT. SCARY TERRY’S HOUSE - CONTINUOUS

Rick and Morty peer through the window.

RICK
Oh, perfect. After a little Scary
coitus, they should be fast asleep
and we’ll incept him.


INT. SCARY TERRY’S HOUSE - BEDROOM - LATER

Scary Terry and Scary Melissa’s naked bodies are entwined in
a sweaty heap over the sheets. They’re both fast asleep, but
Scary Terry is twitching as if he’s having a nightmare. Rick
sneaks in and puts the ear piece in.

RICK
It looks like Scary Terry’s having
a nightmare.

MORTY
Oh boy... I can only imagine what
horrible things must scare Scary
Terry.
RICK & MORTY "LAWNMOWER DOG" NETWORK DRAFT (11/28/12) 26.


INT. SCARY HIGH SCHOOL - FIVE DREAMS DEEP - DAY

Scary Terry, dressed like a 90’s grunge teenager runs through
the halls of his high school.

SCARY TERRY
I’m late to class, bitch!

The other students in the hallway point at Scary Terry and
laugh. He looks down.

SCARY TERRY (CONT’D)
Oh no! I’m not wearing any pants!
Genres: []

Summary Jerry asks Rick to create a device to make Snuffles easier to train. After initially refusing, Rick agrees and puts a helmet on Snuffles, making him instantly obedient.
Strengths "humorous dialogue, character development"
Weaknesses "lack of high stakes, low emotional impact"
Critique Overall, the scene is well-written and engaging. The dialogue between Rick and Morty feels natural and helps to build their characters. The use of humor, especially in their under-the-breath comments, adds a comedic element to the scene.

One area for improvement is the transition between locations. It would be helpful to have clearer headings or indications of the change in setting, such as INT. MORTY'S HOME - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT.

The scene between Jerry, Beth, Summer, and Snuffles provides an interesting subplot and adds tension to the story. The dialogue between the characters feels authentic and helps to establish their relationships.

The scene at Scary Terry's house adds depth to his character and provides an insight into his personal life. The interaction between Scary Terry and Scary Melissa is well-written and adds a layer of humanity to Scary Terry's character. However, the transition from the window peeping scene to Scary Terry's house could use some clarification.

The dream sequence at Scary High School is a creative addition to the scene and adds a touch of surrealism to the story. The use of Scary Terry's catchphrase and the reveal of him not wearing pants adds humor to the sequence.

Overall, the scene is well-structured, the characters are well-developed, and the dialogue is engaging. There are just a few areas where the transitions between locations and scenes could be improved for clarity.
Suggestions Overall, the scene is well-written and effectively sets up the tension and conflict between Rick and Morty and Scary Terry. However, here are some suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Develop the characters' emotions and reactions: Explore the emotions and reactions of Rick, Morty, and Scary Terry further to enhance the scene's intensity. This can involve adding more physical actions, body language, and facial expressions to convey their emotions more vividly.

2. Create a stronger contrast between the two locations: Highlight the contrast between the intense situation at the Abandoned House and the seemingly normal situation at Scary Terry's House. This can be achieved by emphasizing the darkness, debris, and tension at the Abandoned House and the normalcy, cleanliness, and calmness at Scary Terry's House.

3. Deepen the dialogue exchange between Rick and Morty: Expand on Rick and Morty's conversation to reveal more about their relationship. This can involve exploring their dynamic, their past experiences, or further emphasizing their contrasting personalities. This will make the scene more engaging for the audience and provide more depth to their characters.

4. Establish the stakes and consequences: Clarify the stakes and consequences for Rick and Morty if they are caught by Scary Terry. This will add tension to the scene and create a stronger sense of urgency for the characters.

5. Add suspense and buildup: Build suspense by gradually escalating the tension as Scary Terry gets closer to discovering Rick and Morty. This can involve incorporating moments where it appears that Scary Terry might have found them, only for him to miss them narrowly. This will keep the audience on the edge of their seats and create a more intense atmosphere.

6. Improve the transition between scenes: Consider a smoother transition between the Abandoned House scene and the Morty's Home scene. This will improve the flow of the screenplay and make it easier for the audience to follow the narrative.

Overall, these suggestions aim to enhance the suspense, character dynamics, and emotional depth of the scene, making it more engaging for the audience.



Scene 9 -  Scary Terry's Redemption
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 8
INT. SCARY CLASSROOM - CONTINUOUS

Terry walks into class. SCARY OLDERSON, a conservative,
British headmaster version of the Freddy Krueger persona
stands at the head of the class.

SCARY OLDERSON
Well, Mr. Terry, so glad you could
join us, bitch.

SCARY TERRY
Sorry, bitch.

Terry sits down next to two other kids. It’s Rick and Morty
disguised as scary school students.

SCARY OLDERSON
Why don’t you tell the whole class
the proper wordplay to use when one
is chasing one’s victim through a
pumpkin patch!

Sweat pours down Terry’s face. He shifts nervously on his
feet.

SCARY OLDERSON (CONT’D)
Mmm, Terry, mmm?

SCARY TERRY
Uhh... Umm... bitch...

SCARY OLDERSON
Oh, come on, Terry, it’s a pumpkin
patch, you can’t think of a pun
involving pumpkins, bitch?

MORTY
Leave him alone!
RICK & MORTY "LAWNMOWER DOG" NETWORK DRAFT (11/28/12) 27.


RICK
Yeah! This is a bunch of bull
crap. You don’t need to make a
stupid pun every time you kill
someone. If anything, it makes you
less scary!

The other scary students start to murmur. Scary Olderson
blusters and stammers.

SCARY OLDERSON
Why, I never!

He storms out. Scary Terry is relieved.

RICK
You put yourself under too much
pressure, Scary Terry. You’re
scary enough as it is.

Morty leans in towards Terry holding a pair of pants.

MORTY
Yo, Scary-T. Don’t even trip about
your pants, dog. Here’s a pair on
us.

Scary takes the pants and puts them on.

SCARY TERRY
(touched)
Aw, bitch... I don’t know what to
say...

MORTY
You don’t need to say anything. We
got you, dog.

RICK
You’re our boy, dog. Don’t even
trip.

CUT TO:


INT. SCARY TERRY’S BEDROOM - THREE DREAMS DEEP - MORNING

Terry wakes up slowly with a big smile on his face. He goes
over to the curtains and whips them open. Rick and Morty are
standing there.

SCARY TERRY
Oh hey, it’s you guys.
RICK & MORTY "LAWNMOWER DOG" NETWORK DRAFT (11/28/12) 28.


INT. KITCHEN - MORNING

Scary Terry, Rick, and Morty are sipping coffee. Scary
Melissa is clearing their plates.

SCARY MELISSA
I haven’t seen him this relaxed in
years.

Terry wipes his mouth with a napkin.

SCARY TERRY
If you guys ever need anything,
just say the word.

RICK
As a matter of fact, Terry, there
is something you could help us
with.


INT. BOILER ROOM - THREE DREAMS DEEP - LATER

The little girl is playing hop scotch, still singing away.

LITTLE GIRL
Q, R, you won’t get very far...

Scary Terry pops up from behind a bush, Rick and Morty hang
on to his sweater.

SCARY TERRY
I always hated that song!

Terry slits the little girl’s throat.


INT. PALACE PLEASURE CHAMBER - TWO DREAMS DEEP - CONTINUOUS

Scary Terry appears with Rick and Morty hanging onto his
back. Jada and the creatures are all there from before.

SCARY TERRY
Sex is sacred!

He spins around, slashing all the creatures and Jada.


EXT. SKY - GOLDENFOLD’S DREAM - CONTINUOUS

Rick and Morty wake up just a few yards above Goldenfold’s
lava pool contraption hanging onto Terry’s sweater. Jada
Pinket wakes up as well, rubbing her head in confusion.
RICK & MORTY "LAWNMOWER DOG" NETWORK DRAFT (11/28/12) 29.


Terry morphs into a rocket. Rocket-Terry flies towards
Goldenfold.

SCARY TERRY
This is because you don’t give
Morty Smith good grades, bitch!

Rocket-Terry crashes into Goldenfold.


INT. GOLDENFOLD’S LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

Goldenfold wakes up on his couch, startled.

GOLDENFOLD
Holy crap, god damn! I gotta stop
eating Wheat Thins before I sleep!
I know one thing for sure, I’m
giving Morty an A in math. And
that’s my idea. That’s an original
thought.

Rick and Morty, hidden behind the couch, give each other a
quiet high five.
Genres: ["Comedy","Science Fiction"]

Summary Jerry asks Rick to create a device to make Snuffles easier to train. After initially refusing, Rick agrees and puts a helmet on Snuffles, making him instantly obedient.
Strengths "Strong comedic elements, creative use of dream sequences, character development for Scary Terry"
Weaknesses "Lack of high stakes, theme could be deeper"
Critique As a screenwriting expert, I would provide the following critique for the scene:

1. Clarity and Structure: The scene lacks clear formatting, making it difficult to distinguish between dialogue, action, and character names. A clearer structure would improve readability and flow.

2. Dialogue: The dialogue feels forced and unnatural, lacking subtlety and depth. The use of repetitive profanity diminishes the impact and authenticity of the characters' interactions. Additionally, the dialogue lacks subtext and nuance, resulting in superficial exchanges.

3. Characterization: The characters are not well-developed, with Scary Olderson and Scary Terry relying on stereotypes and clichés. The personalities and motivations of the characters are not explored in depth, making it challenging to connect with them.

4. Tone and Theme: The scene appears to parody horror movie clichés, but the execution falls short. The dialogue about puns feels disconnected and forced, lacking a cohesive theme and purpose.

5. Visual Storytelling: The scene could benefit from more visual elements to enhance the storytelling. Including specific actions, gestures, or visual descriptions would help create a more immersive and engaging experience for the audience.

6. Pacing and Tension: The scene lacks tension and build-up, making it feel flat and uninteresting. By adding more suspense, conflict, and stakes, the scene could become more engaging and dynamic.

7. Logical Flow: The transitions between different settings and dreams are abrupt and confusing. Clearer transitions would help the audience follow the narrative more easily.

Overall, the scene would benefit from stronger character development, more nuanced dialogue, and improved pacing to create a more engaging and cohesive storytelling experience.
Suggestions Here are a few suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Develop Scary Olderson's character: Currently, Scary Olderson's character feels one-dimensional and lacks depth. Consider providing more backstory or additional characteristics that make him more interesting and engaging.

2. Add tension and conflict: The scene could benefit from more conflict between Scary Terry and Scary Olderson. This could be achieved by having Scary Olderson challenge Scary Terry more aggressively, pushing him to his limits and making the scene more intense.

3. Clarify the dialogue: Some of the dialogue feels a bit repetitive or confusing. Make sure the dialogue flows naturally and serves a purpose in advancing the story or developing the characters.

4. Provide more details: It would be helpful to have more visual and sensory details to create a vivid and engaging setting. This will make the scene more immersive and help the reader visualize the classroom and the characters better.

5. Consider character arcs: Think about how the characters, particularly Scary Terry, can go through a transformation or growth during the scene. This will give the audience a sense of progression and create a more satisfying story arc.

These suggestions can help enhance the tension, character development, and overall storytelling in the scene. Remember to take into account the tone and style of the script as well.



Scene 10 -  The Rise of the Dog Army
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 9
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 9
EXT. MORTY’S HOME - NIGHT

Rick and Morty arrive home to find a small army of super
intelligent, cybernetically enhanced dogs swarming the house.

MORTY
What the hell?

RICK
Out of the frying pan, dot dot dot,
eh, Morty?

MORTY
What’s going on?

RICK
It’s possible your dog became self
aware, made modifications on the
cognition amplifier, turned on
Jerry, Beth, and Summer after
learning of humanity’s cruel
subjugation of his species, and
then created an army of
cybernetically enhanced canines to
dominate the planet and supplant
the human race. But your guess is
as good as mine.
RICK & MORTY "LAWNMOWER DOG" NETWORK DRAFT (11/28/12) 30.


EXT. MORTY’S HOUSE - BACK YARD - CONTINUOUS

Jerry, Beth, and Summer are chained up.

JERRY
Well, this is shaping up into a
real “careful what you wish for”
situation.

SUMMER
I can’t believe how mean Snuffles
got just because he’s smart. This
is why I choose to get C’s.

BETH
Just make a mental note of this
moment, you two. Don’t want to be
an I-told-you-so-er but I plan to
bring this up a lot down the road.

RICK
(whisper)
Beth. Jerry. Summer.

They turn around to see Rick and Morty hiding in the bushes.
JERRY BETH *
Rick! Dad! *

Rick begins quietly freeing them. Summer hugs Morty. Her
boobs press together.

SUMMER
Thank you!

Morty holds himself away from her body uncomfortably.

MORTY
You’re welcome...

RICK
Alright, let’s get out of here. If
we hurry, we can set up camp in a
sewer tunnel before the dogs
completely take over.

JERRY
We’re not going anywhere.

RICK
It’s all over, Jerry. Dogs are on
the path to total world domination.
But hey, good thing they know not
to piss on your carpet, huh?
RICK & MORTY "LAWNMOWER DOG" NETWORK DRAFT (11/28/12) 31.


JERRY
Wait a minute. That’s it. I have
an idea.

Jerry gets up and storms off into the house.


INT. MORTY’S HOUSE - CONTINUOUS

Snuffles sits on a chair overseeing the manufacture and
assembly of weapons. Jerry, Beth, Summer, Rick and Morty
burst in.

JERRY
That’s it, Snuffles. This is my
house! I’m the alpha dog here.

He pulls his pants down and pees all over the floor in front
of the other dogs.

JERRY (CONT’D)
See that? I’m peeing all over your
special guns. How about that for
dominance?!

Snuffles and the rest of the dogs just stare at him. Jerry
starts to do the little poop spin. A pair of dobermans grab
Jerry and force him down on his knees. They push his head
into the puddle of urine.

JERRY (CONT’D)
Gah!

SNUFFLES
Bad person. Bad.

RICK
Great plan, Jerry. Not humiliating
at all.

The other dog guards grab the rest of the family.

SNUFFLES
Bring the boy to me.

The guards lead Morty to Snuffle’s side.

SNUFFLES (CONT’D)
You were always kind to me, Morty.
That’s why I will leave you with
your testicles. From now on, you
will be my best friend and live by
my side.
RICK & MORTY "LAWNMOWER DOG" NETWORK DRAFT (11/28/12) 32.


MORTY
Th-thanks, Snuffles.

Snuffles turns to the other dogs.

SNUFFLES
Begin phase two.

We SLOW DISSOLVE from Snuffle’s face as the sound of marching
footsteps and gun fire rise over the sound track.

MONTAGE


EXT. CITY STREETS - DAY

We pan down onto a phalanx of hundreds of dog soldiers and
tanks as they make their way down the street.

ANCHORMWOMAN (V.O.)
Fighting continues on the streets
of Baltimore as the dog army
captures the Eastern seaboard.
Genres: ["science fiction","comedy"]

Summary Jerry asks Rick to create a device to make Snuffles easier to train. After initially refusing, Rick agrees and puts a helmet on Snuffles, making him instantly obedient. However, Snuffles becomes self-aware and leads an army of cybernetically enhanced dogs to dominate the planet. Jerry tries to assert dominance by peeing on the floor, but is humiliated and captured by the dogs. Snuffles declares Morty as his best friend and begins phase two of his plan, leading to the rise of the dog army.
Strengths
  • Strong conflict
  • Unique concept
  • Engaging dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Slightly low emotional impact
  • Limited character development
Critique Overall, this scene has potential but could use some improvements.

One area of improvement could be in the dialogue. While Rick and Morty's conversation provides exposition and sets up the situation well, it feels a bit too explanatory and lacks some natural flow. Consider revising the dialogue to make it sound more conversational and realistic.

Additionally, the dialogue between Jerry, Beth, and Summer could be refined. Their reaction to the situation with the dogs feels somewhat flat, and their lines could use more depth and emotion. Try to make their responses more genuine and relatable to the audience.

Furthermore, the actions and reactions of the characters could be expanded upon. For example, when Summer hugs Morty, his uncomfortable response is only described briefly. Further exploring his discomfort and perhaps adding some physical reactions could add more depth to the scene.

The climax of the scene, when Jerry tries to establish dominance over Snuffles, is an interesting twist. However, the execution feels a bit weak. Consider reworking Jerry's actions and dialogue to make his attempt more bold and daring. This will make the scene more engaging and increase the stakes for the characters.

Finally, the transition into the montage at the end of the scene feels abrupt. Consider adding a smoother transition or bridge moment that leads into the montage more seamlessly. This will help the audience to better understand the passage of time and the escalating conflict.

Overall, with some improvements to the dialogue, character reactions, and the climax, this scene has potential to be engaging and impactful in the overall script.
Suggestions Here are some suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Clarify the action: Describe the actions of the characters more clearly so that the reader can visualize the scene better. For example, instead of "Rick begins quietly freeing them," you could write "Rick discreetly unties Jerry, Beth, and Summer from their chains."

2. Tone down the dialogue: Some of the dialogue feels a bit expository and could be trimmed down for a more natural flow. For example, instead of Rick's long explanation about what happened to the dogs, you could have him say something like, "Looks like your dog went rogue and built an army. We need to get out of here."

3. Increase tension: It might be helpful to build more tension and suspense as the family is captured by the dogs. Consider adding more physical and emotional conflict to make the scene more intense. For example, instead of the dogs just staring at Jerry after he pees on the floor, maybe they react aggressively, which forces Rick and Morty to intervene.

4. Develop character relationships: Give more depth to the relationships between the characters. Explore their emotions and reactions in this intense situation. For example, show Morty's conflict in choosing between his loyalty to his family and his connection with Snuffles.

5. Show the consequences: Instead of a montage with news reports, consider showing the immediate consequences of the dog army's actions. This could include scenes where the dogs take control of the city streets, causing chaos and fear.

Remember, these suggestions are just a starting point, and it's important to consider the specific tone and style of your script when applying them.



Scene 11 -  The Rise of the Dog Army
  • Overall: 7.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 7
  • Dialogue: 6
INT. NEWS STUDIO - CONTINUOUS

We pull back from the footage into a studio where a pair of
ANCHORS are reporting.

ANCHORWOMAN
It appears clear, at this time,
that it is official, the era of
human superiority has come to a
bitter end. God help us all.

A group of dog soldiers burst into the studio and point guns
at the anchors.

NARRATOR
Please. Please don’t kill m-

One of the dogs shoves the barrel of his gun in her mouth.
Now she sounds like Mishka the talking dog.

DOG SOLDIER #1
What’s she saying, Bill?

DOG SOLDIER #2
I think she’s saying “I love
lasagna.”
RICK & MORTY "LAWNMOWER DOG" NETWORK DRAFT (11/28/12) 33.


DOG SOLDIER #1
I think she’s saying “I love
Obama.”

DOG SOLDIER #2
That’s treason.

They drag her OFF CAMERA.

BOTH DOGS
(to the camera)
All hail Emperor Snowball!

SFX: OFF SCREEN gun shot. CALENDAR PAGES fall away as the
months pass. Bodies pile up. Wheelbarrows full of testicles
are dumped into incinerators. Humans work on chain gangs in
the “treat fields”.


INT. EMPEROR SNOWBALL’S PALACE - DAY

Morty wakes up in bed with JESSICA and another BEAUTIFUL
WOMAN. He has a big smile on his face. A DOG BUTLER brings
him his breakfast on a silver tray.

MORTY
Thank you, Fido.

Someone knocks Fido over the head. It’s Rick!

MORTY (CONT’D)
Rick! I thought you were dead!

RICK
I was just playing dead. Good news
though, Morty. This will all be
over pretty soon.

MORTY
What?

RICK
It’s a dream, Morty. We’re in your
dog’s dream. The night the dogs
captured us, after you cried and
shit your pants and we all went to
sleep, I used my dream inceptor to
put the two of us inside Snuffles’
dream.

MORTY
But it’s been like a year!
RICK & MORTY "LAWNMOWER DOG" NETWORK DRAFT (11/28/12) 34.


RICK
It’s been six hours. Dreams move
one one-hundreth the speed of
reality and dog time is one seventh
human time, so every day here is a
minute. It’s like Inception,
Morty, so if it’s confusing and
stupid, then so is everyone’s
favorite movie.

MORTY
Aw, man. I liked this life. Well,
at least I didn’t really shit my
pants.

RICK
No, that happened before you went
to sleep, Morty. You’re sleeping
in your shit right now. Out of all
the things that’ve happened to you,
the only real thing is that you
shat your pants. It’s really a
mess in there. I got some of it on
my hands and the dream inceptor...

MORTY
Oh boy, oh geez, Rick.

RICK
Don’t worry about it, Morty. Here,
take these.

He hands Morty some pills. Morty swallows them.

MORTY
Are we gonna escape into another
dream?

RICK
Close. Your kidneys are going to
shut down.

MORTY
What?!

RICK
It’s necessary for the plan.
(loving)
Don’t even trip, dog.
RICK & MORTY "LAWNMOWER DOG" NETWORK DRAFT (11/28/12) 35.


INT. DOCTOR’S OFFICE - DAY

Morty is on an operating table with tubes sticking out of his
nose. Snuffles is by his side talking to the doctor, Rick,
wearing fake dog ear’s and nose.

RICK
It’s pretty bad, Emperor Snowball.
We’re going to need to do another
operation.

SNUFFLES
Anything. Anything for my precious
Morty.

A DOG ACCOUNTANT comes in. He’s holding a clipboard.

DOG ACCOUNTANT
Sir! As your accountant, I must
advise you that these medical
expenses are putting you in serious
financial jeopardy! You could lose
your kingdom.

Snuffles knocks the clipboard out of his hands.

SNUFFLES
To hell with my kingdom, bean
counter! I would trade it all for
my human’s health and happiness!

DOG ACCOUNTANT
Do you think they would have done
this for us?!

SNUFFLES
We are not them! We are...
(realizing)
Not them...


INT. SNOWBALL’S THRONE ROOM - LATER

Dog Repo men are hauling everything away.

Snuffles cradles Morty in his arms in the middle of the dark,
empty room. A doctor stands watching.

DOG DOCTOER
We’ve done everything we can. I’ll
give you a moment to say goodbye
before we remove him from life
support.
RICK & MORTY "LAWNMOWER DOG" NETWORK DRAFT (11/28/12) 36.


The doctor leaves. Snuffles sobs.
Genres: ["Sci-Fi","Comedy"]

Summary In this scene, the news anchors report on the end of human superiority before being interrupted by dog soldiers. The dogs take over and establish Emperor Snowball as their leader. Morty wakes up in a dream in which he is living a luxurious life, but Rick reveals that they are inside Snuffles' dream. Morty takes pills that will shut down his kidneys as part of their escape plan. In another scene, Snuffles is willing to give up his kingdom to save Morty's life, but it is ultimately unsuccessful and Morty is put on life support.
Strengths
  • Intense conflict
  • Emotional impact
Weaknesses
  • Confusing dialogue
Critique Overall, this scene is quite unconventional and inventive. It incorporates elements of humor, satire, and fantastical elements. However, there are a few areas that could use improvement:

1) Clarity: The scene starts off with the anchors reporting on the end of human superiority, but it quickly shifts to the dog soldiers bursting into the studio. The transition feels abrupt and may confuse viewers. It would be helpful to provide more context or a smoother transition.

2) Dialogue: While the dialogue is amusing, it may benefit from some refinement. Some of the jokes, like the Mishka the talking dog reference, may not resonate with all viewers and can distract from the story. Additionally, the dialogue between Morty and Rick could be more engaging and dynamic to highlight the gravity of the situation.

3) Structure: The scene jumps between different locations and time periods without clear transitions. This can make it challenging for viewers to follow the narrative flow. Implementing clearer scene transitions or visual cues would improve the overall readability.

4) Tone: The scene contains elements of violence and dark humor, which may not align with the tone of the rest of the script or the desired tone of the show. Ensuring that the tone remains consistent throughout the script will help create a more cohesive story.

Overall, the scene showcases creativity and originality. The suggestions above focus on enhancing clarity, dialogue, structure, and tone to make the scene more effective and engaging for viewers.
Suggestions Here are some suggestions to improve this scene:

1. Clarify the action: The action in this scene can be confusing at times. It would be beneficial to provide more specific action descriptions to clearly convey what is happening on screen. For example, when the dog soldiers burst into the studio, describe their movements and positions in more detail.

2. Improve dialogue clarity: Some of the dialogue exchanges between the characters are unclear or lack direction. It would be helpful to revise the dialogue to make it more concise and to clearly convey the characters' intentions and emotions. For example, when the dog soldiers are discussing what the anchorwoman is saying, it would be clearer if they directly asked her or looked to the camera for confirmation.

3. Develop emotional impact: The emotional impact of the scene can be enhanced by focusing on the reactions and emotions of the characters. For example, when Morty wakes up in bed with Jessica and the beautiful woman, explore his confusion and surprise in more detail. Similarly, when Snuffles is cradling Morty in his arms, emphasize his grief and sadness through his actions and expressions.

4. Improve pacing: The transition between scenes could be smoother and clearer. Consider adding scene headings or visual cues to indicate the passage of time or change in location. Additionally, the dialogue between Rick and Morty explaining the concept of dreams could be streamlined to avoid excessive explanation and maintain momentum.

5. Strengthen thematic elements: The scene could benefit from stronger exploration of the theme of human vs. animal relationships and the consequences of power dynamics. Consider adding moments that showcase the dogs' motivations and beliefs more clearly and provide a deeper understanding of their actions.

Overall, enhancing the clarity of action, improving dialogue, developing emotional impact, improving pacing, and strengthening thematic elements will help improve this scene.



Scene 12 -  The Rise of Snuffles
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 9
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 7
INT. BEDROOM - MORNING

Snuffles gasps awake. He’s distressed.

SNUFFLES
Assemble the troops. I’ve made a
decision.


EXT. ANIMAL SHELTER - DAY

Jerry, Beth, Summer and Rick are free. They stand next to
Morty and Snuffles. In the background, dog henchmen guide a
line regular dogs from the animal shelter into an inter-
dimensional portal.

SNUFFLES
Taking over the human’s world will
lead to nothing but more
heartbreak, more cruelty. Instead,
we will go to a new world and
colonize it with a society of
intelligent dogs. One that will
not make the same mistakes as
humanity. And one where pet
insurance will be mandatory.

MORTY
I’m going to miss you, Snowball.

SNUFFLES
You can call me Snuffles, Morty...
and I’m going to miss you too.
Very much.

Snuffles gives Morty a kiss on the head (licking) then walks
over to the portal. He waves goodbye and wipes a tear from
his eye, then steps into the portal with the last of the
dogs. The portal closes in a flash. Jerry is crying.

BETH
Jerry?

JERRY
Sorry. It’s just like the end of
Old Yeller.

BETH
Ohh, Jerry.
(hugging him, pitying him)
You mean because it had dogs in it?
RICK & MORTY "LAWNMOWER DOG" NETWORK DRAFT (11/28/12) 37.


MORTY
Wow. A world populated by
intelligent dogs. I wonder what it
will be like, Rick.

RICK
I think it’ll be great, Morty. I
think it could be developed, into a
very satisfying project for people
of all ages. I mean, I’d watch it.
For at least 11 minutes a pop.
Maybe do it board driven.

MORTY
That’s a comforting idea, Rick.

RICK
(comforting)
Ahh, what do you know, Morty.
(hand on shoulder)
What do you know.

THE END
RICK & MORTY "LAWNMOWER DOG" NETWORK DRAFT (11/28/12) 38.


TAG


INT. CLASSROOM - FOUR DREAMS DEEP - DAY

A new Scary Teacher, SCARY GLENN, addresses the scary class.

SCARY GLENN
Hi, guys. I’m your new teacher for
Scary class, my name is Scary
Mister Johnson - actually, you know
what? That’s my dad’s name. Why
don’t you call me Scary Glenn.

We hear that the class is impressed.

SCARY GLENN (CONT’D)
I understand your previous teacher
was having you work on fundamentals
of fear. Sounds boring. Here’s
what I say: you can’t learn
anything until you learn to chill.

He takes out a bongo drum and starts beating it. We pan over
to a circle of scary students surrounding him with a circle
of desks, including Scary Terry and Rick, who are sharing a
joint.

SCARY TERRY
This is the best class ever.

RICK
Yeah, no wrong answers, baby. No
wrong answers.

END OF SHOW
Genres: ["Comedy","Science Fiction"]

Summary Snuffles, the family dog, becomes self-aware and leads an army of cybernetically enhanced dogs to take over the world. He establishes himself as Emperor Snowball and plans to colonize a new world with intelligent dogs. Morty says goodbye to Snuffles as he steps into a portal with the rest of the dogs. Jerry cries, and Beth comforts him. Rick and Morty discuss the potential of a TV show about a world populated by intelligent dogs. In a dream sequence, Scary Glenn becomes the new teacher for Scary class.
Strengths "Humorous dialogue, intriguing concept"
Weaknesses "Lack of emotional depth"
Critique Overall, this scene has some strong elements but also some areas that could be improved.

One positive aspect of this scene is the effective use of dialogue to convey the emotions and intentions of the characters. Snuffles' speech about creating a society of intelligent dogs is emotionally charged and reveals his desire for a better world. The dialogue between Snuffles/Morty and Snuffles/Jerry also adds depth to their relationships and enhances the emotional impact of the scene. Additionally, Snuffles' decision to go through the portal with the last of the dogs is a compelling plot point that creates tension and raises the stakes.

However, there are a few areas where this scene could be improved. Firstly, the scene lacks clear and concise action lines, making it difficult to visualize the sequence of events. The action should be more explicitly described, including details such as the characters' reactions, movements, and expressions. This will help the reader and potential viewer understand the scene better.

In terms of character development, it would be beneficial to have more insight into the motivations and thoughts of characters like Jerry and Beth. Adding a few lines of dialogue or action to show their perspectives on Snuffles' decision and their emotional reactions could deepen their characters and make the scene more impactful.

Finally, the ending of the scene feels a bit abrupt and could be expanded upon. The transition to the "TAG" is not seamless and leaves the reader wanting more resolution or closure. Adding a few lines or actions to provide a smoother transition and wrap up the scene more effectively would enhance the overall flow of the story.

Overall, with some adjustments to the action lines, character development, and ending, this scene has the potential to be more engaging and impactful.
Suggestions Here are some suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Clarify Snuffles' distress: Instead of simply stating that Snuffles is distressed, show his distress through his actions and dialogue. For example, he could be pacing back and forth, furrowed brow, or speaking with a shaky voice.

2. Develop the emotional impact of Snuffles' decision: Snuffles' decision to take the dogs to a new world and colonize it with intelligent dogs is a big and emotional moment. Show the reactions of Jerry, Beth, Summer, and Rick more explicitly to emphasize the significance of Snuffles' decision.

3. Add more conflict or tension: The scene could benefit from more conflict or tension to engage the audience. This could be achieved through a disagreement or argument among the characters, a moment of uncertainty or hesitation, or a potential obstacle they need to overcome.

4. Strengthen the emotional connection between Snuffles and Morty: Snuffles' farewell to Morty could be made more sentimental to enhance the emotional impact of their parting. Consider adding more dialogue or actions that highlight their bond and make the audience feel their connection.

5. Provide closure for other characters: After Snuffles steps into the portal, consider showing how the other characters, especially Jerry, react and cope with the loss. This will give the scene more depth and closure for the characters.

6. Consider a stronger ending or resolution: The scene ends quite abruptly with Rick and Morty discussing the new world. Consider adding a stronger concluding moment that ties back to the theme or central conflict of the episode, providing a sense of resolution for the story.

Overall, focusing on character emotions, conflict, and closure will help to strengthen the scene and engage the audience.