Read 500 days of summer with its analysis


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Scene 1 -  A Moment of Fate
EXT. PARK - DAY

For a few seconds we watch A MAN (20s) and a WOMAN (20s) on a
park bench. Their names are TOM and SUMMER. Neither one says
a word.


CLOSE ON her HAND, covering his. Notice the wedding ring. No
words are spoken. Tom looks at her the way every woman wants
to be looked at.

A DISTINGUISHED VOICE begins to speak to us.

NARRATOR
This is a story of boy meets girl.

CUT TO:


(1)
INT CONFERENCE ROOM - DAY

The boy is TOM HANSEN. He sits at a very long rectangular
conference table. The walls are lined with framed blow-up
sized greeting cards. Tom, dark hair and blue eyes, wears a t-
shirt under his sports coat and Adidas tennis shoes to
balance out the corporate dress code. He looks pretty bored.

NARRATOR
The boy, Tom Hansen of Margate, New
Jersey, grew up believing that he’d
never truly be happy until the day
he met his... “soulmate.”

CUT TO:


INT LIVING ROOM - 1989

PRE-TEEN TOM sits alone on his bed engrossed in a movie. His
walls are covered in posters of obscure bands. From the TV,
we hear: “Elaine! Elaine!”
4.



NARRATOR
This belief stemmed from early
exposure to sad British pop music
and a total misreading of the
movie, “The Graduate.”

CUT TO:


INT OFFICE CUBICLE - PRESENT DAY

The girl is SUMMER FINN. She files folders and answers phones
in a plain white office. She has cropped blonde hair almost
like a boy’s but her face is feminine and pretty enough to
get away with it.

NARRATOR
The girl, Summer Finn of
Shinnecock, Michigan, did not share
this belief.

CUT TO:


INT BATHROOM - 1994

Teenage Summer stares at herself in the mirror. Her hair
extends down to her lower back.

NARRATOR
Since the disintegration of her
parents’ marriage, she’d only loved
two things. The first was her long
blonde hair.

She picks up scissors from the counter and begins to slice.

NARRATOR
The second was how easily she could
cut it off... And feel nothing.

CUT TO:


SPLITSCREEN. INT BOARDROOM/ INT CUBICLE - SAME

On the right side of the screen, Tom continues to listen to
some boring presentation. On the left, Summer answers a call,
takes a message, and walks out of her cubicle down a long
narrow hallway.
5.



NARRATOR
Tom meets Summer on January 8th in
a San Francisco office building. In
an instant, he will know she’s the
one he’s been looking for.

CU Summer opening the door to the boardroom, about to come
face to face with Tom for the first time.

NARRATOR
This is a story of boy meets girl.

But before they do,

CUT TO:

BLACK.

NARRATOR
You should know up front, this is
not a love story.


(240)
EXT STREETS OF SAN FRAN - NIGHT

A 12 year old GIRL rides her bicycle down the block. She
arrives at an apartment complex, jumps off the bike and races
up the front stairs. She rings the doorbell.


INT TOM’S PLACE - LATER

PAUL and MCKENZIE open the door. These are Tom’s best friends
since birth. Paul is a doctor and wears hospital scrubs.
McKenzie works in the cubicle next to Tom.

PAUL
I didn’t know who else to call.

The Girl removes her bike helmet.

GIRL
You did the right thing. Where is
he?

Tom is in the kitchen breaking things and basically going
insane. About to smash a plate on the floor, he’s interrupted
by:
6.



GIRL
Thomas.

Tom freezes.

TOM
Rachel? What are you doing here?

GIRL (RACHEL)
I’m here to help you.

TOM
Help me how?

RACHEL
First, put down the plate.

Tom slowly obliges.

RACHEL
Now come here and sit down.

Tom sits next to the young girl. Paul and Mckenzie sit on
either side of them.

RACHEL
The key is not to panic.

TOM
I think I’m gonna be sick.

RACHEL
Drink this.

She hands him a glass of water. Tom drinks it down.

MCKENZIE
What is that?

RACHEL
Vodka.

TOM
(grimacing at the taste)
More.

He gulps another down.

TOM
Does Mom know you’re here? It’s
gotta be past 10.
7.



RACHEL
Don’t worry about it. Start from
the beginning. Tell us what
happened...

Tom takes a deep breath.


EXT PARK - DAY

Tom and Summer eat sandwiches in the park.

TOM (V.O.)
We spent the whole day together.


EXT OUTDOOR MARKET - DAY

Tom and Summer walk through the stalls.

TOM (V.O.)
We went shopping.


EXT COFFEE HOUSE - DAY

Tom and Summer seated outside drinking coffee. He reads the
newspaper, she reads a novel.

TOM (V.O.)
We had coffee.


EXT MOVIE THEATER - DAY

Tom and Summer walk out of a movie theatre.

TOM (V.O.)
We saw a film.


INT RECORD STORE - LATER

Tom and Summer shop for music. Tom excitedly shows Summer a
Ringo Starr solo album.

TOM (V.O.)
We bought music.
8.




INT TOM’S PLACE

TOM
I thought it was a great day.

RACHEL
And then what happened?


INT DINER - NIGHT

Tom and Summer in a booth ordering dinner.

TOM
(to WAITRESS)
Um...you know what...let’s go
crazy, I’ll have BOTH.
(to Summer)
God, I love eating pancakes at
night. It’s like the greatest thing
ever. How great is this?

SUMMER
I think we should stop seeing each
other.


INT TOM’S PLACE - AS BEFORE

RACHEL
Just like that?

TOM
Just like that.

PAUL
Did she say why?


INT DINER - AS BEFORE

SUMMER
This thing. This whatever it is.
You and me. Do you think this is
normal?

TOM
I don’t know. Who cares about
normal?! I’m happy. Aren’t you
happy?
9.



SUMMER
You’re happy?

TOM
You’re not?

SUMMER
All we do is argue!

TOM
That is such a lie!


INT TOM’S PLACE - AS BEFORE

RACHEL
Maybe she was just in a bad mood.

PAUL
A hormonal thing.

RACHEL
P.M.S.?

TOM
(to Rachel)
What do you know about PMS?

RACHEL
More than you.

TOM
Oh my god.

MCKENZIE
Please continue.


INT DINER - AS BEFORE

SUMMER
This can’t be a total surprise. I
mean, we’ve been like Sid and Nancy
for months.

TOM
Summer, Sid stabbed Nancy seven
times with a kitchen knife. We’ve
had some disagreements but I hardly
think I’m Sid Vicious.

SUMMER
No... I’m Sid.
10.



TOM
(beat)
So I’m Nancy?!

The Waitress comes out with the food. Tom and Summer stop
their discussion until the meal is served and the Waitress
leaves. Summer starts to eat.

SUMMER
Let’s just eat and we’ll talk about
it after. I’m starving.

Without another word she goes back to her pancakes. Tom
watches her eat like this is the worst travesty in the
history of mankind.

SUMMER
(mouth full)
Mmm, you’re so right. These are
great!

Tom looks at his food in disgust. He may never eat again.

SUMMER
(innocent)
What?

Tom stands up to go.

SUMMER
Tom, don’t. Come back. You’re still
my best fr---

THE SCENE FREEZES AND WE ZOOM IN ON TOM’S STUNNED FACE.


INT TOM’S PLACE - AS BEFORE

Silence for a few beats.

PAUL
Jesus.

MCKENZIE
That’s harsh.

TOM
I don’t know what I’m gonna do.

RACHEL
You’re gonna be fine.
11.



TOM
(beat)
I’m gonna throw up.

MCKENZIE
Or that.

RACHEL
Here.

Tom drinks more vodka.

MCKENZIE
Come on Hansen. You’ll be ok.
You’re the best guy I know. You’ll
find someone.

PAUL
You know what they say...there’s
plenty other fish in the sea.

TOM
No.

PAUL
Sure they do. They say that.

TOM
Well they’re wrong. It’s not true.
I’ve fished in that sea. I’ve
jumped in and swam in that sea! I’m
fucking Aquaman!
(to Rachel)
Sorry. What I mean is... there are
no other fish. This was my fish.

Paul and McKenzie share a very concerned look.

CUT TO:


(86)
EXT SIDEWALK - DAY

Tom walks alongside his friend PAUL. Out of nowhere, he says:

TOM
I’m in love with Summer.
12.



PAUL
(beat)
For real?

CUT TO:


CU - SUMMER’S SMILE

TOM (V.O.)
I love her smile.

CU - SUMMER’S HAIR

TOM (V.O.)
I love her hair.

CU - SUMMER’S KNEES

TOM (V.O.)
I love her knees.

CU - SUMMER’S EYES

TOM (V.O.)
I love how one eye is higher up on
her face than the other eye.

CU - SUMMER’S NECK

TOM (V.O.)
I love the scar on her neck from
this operation she had as a kid.

CU - SUMMER’S BREASTS (UNDER A BLACK T-SHIRT)

TOM (V.O.)
I love how she looks in my Clash T-
shirt.

CU - SUMMER ASLEEP

TOM (V.O.)
I love how she looks when she’s
sleeping.

CU - SUMMER’S LAUGH

TOM (V.O.)
I love the sound of her laugh.

OVER BLACK, play the middle 8 of “Every Little Thing She Does
is Magic” by The Police.
13.



TOM (V.O.)
I love how I hear this song every
time I think of her.

CU - TOM, STARING DIRECTLY AT THE CAMERA.

TOM (V.O.)
I love how she makes me feel. Like
anything’s possible. Like, I don’t
know...like life is worth it.

CUT TO:


EXT SIDEWALK - SAME

Paul and Tom.

TOM
For real, Paul. I’m madly in love
with that girl.

Paul is silent for a beat.

PAUL
Oh shit.



(1)
INT CONFERENCE ROOM - DAY

Tom as we saw him earlier. Bored. In the boardroom. Mckenzie
is in mid-presentation.

MCKENZIE
Now I know this may be a little
risque...but if New Hampshire
Greetings wants the jump on those
conservative, right-wing neo-Nazis
at Hallmark, maybe playing it safe
is the wrong approach. The nuclear
family is dead and we need a new
holiday to recognize that.

Mckenzie holds up a home-made photoshopped family portrait of
Martina Navratilova, Ellen DeGeneres, and the kid from “Jerry
Maguire”.
14.



MCKENZIE
May 21st. Other Mother’s Day.

The co-workers nod and digest this idea. VANCE is the head of
the department.

VANCE
Hmmm. That’s an intriguing idea
McKenzie. Along with Grossman’s
“Magellan Day” I’d say we’ve got
some potential here. What do you
think Hansen? Could you write up
some prototypes for these?

Tom is about to answer when... the door opens.

SUMMER
Excuse me, Mr. Vance? There’s a
call for you on line 3.

And in walks this girl. Summer. We’ve met her by now but Tom
hasn’t. This is the first time. His eyes go wide and from
that moment on, he can’t take them off her.

VANCE
(to the table)
Everyone this is Summer, my new
assistant. Summer just moved here
from...

SUMMER
Michigan.

VANCE
Right. Michigan. Well, Summer,
everyone. Everyone, Summer. Excuse
me, I have to take this.

SUMMER
Nice to meet you all.

Summer gives a little wave before following Vance out.

She doesn’t notice Tom whose face looks like he’s just seen
God.
15.




(3, 4, 5)
Genres: ["Romance","Drama","Comedy"]

Summary In a park, Tom and Summer sit on a bench, highlighting their contrasting beliefs about love. The narrator reflects on Tom's idealistic view of soulmates versus Summer's pragmatic approach. Flashbacks reveal Tom's past, leading to a pivotal moment when he first sees Summer in a conference room, marking the beginning of a significant chapter in his life. The scene captures themes of nostalgia and longing, culminating in Tom's stunned expression as he lays eyes on Summer, foreshadowing her profound impact on him.
Strengths
  • Strong character development
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Emotional depth
Weaknesses
  • Some cliched moments
  • Predictable plot points

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 7.2

The scene's primary job is to establish the central relationship and its ironic framing—boy meets girl, but it's not a love story—while introducing the characters' contrasting worldviews. It lands well through clever narration and visual storytelling, but the fragmented structure and tonal shifts occasionally dilute emotional focus, and the back-and-forth time jumps can feel disorienting. A tighter through-line in the present-day breakup scene would lift the overall impact.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a narrator who directly addresses the audience and subverts the romantic comedy genre is fresh and engaging. The juxtaposition of Tom's romantic idealism with Summer's pragmatic cynicism is a strong foundation. However, the concept is not entirely new (similar to '500 Days of Summer' itself), and the execution sometimes leans on familiar tropes.

Plot: 7

The plot is non-linear, weaving between past and present to build context. The central conflict—Summer's sudden breakup—is clear, but the scene's structure is fragmented, making it feel more like a series of vignettes than a cohesive narrative. The plot moves forward through revelations, but the pacing is uneven.

Originality: 8

The scene is original in its narrative structure and narrator's meta-commentary. The use of a 12-year-old girl as a confidante is fresh. However, the themes of unrequited love and romantic disillusionment are familiar.


Character Development

Characters: 7.5

Tom is well-drawn as a romantic idealist, and Summer is intriguingly enigmatic. The supporting characters (Rachel, Paul, McKenzie) provide comic relief and grounding. However, Summer's motivations remain opaque, and her character is somewhat underdeveloped in this scene, which limits emotional investment.

Character Changes: 4

Tom undergoes a clear emotional shift from joy to despair, but he doesn't fundamentally change in this scene. Summer's character is static, and the supporting characters remain unchanged. The scene sets up potential for future change but doesn't deliver it here.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to find happiness and fulfillment in a romantic relationship, as he believes in the concept of a soulmate. This reflects his deeper need for love and connection.

External Goal: 5

The protagonist's external goal is to navigate the challenges and uncertainties of a budding relationship with Summer. This reflects the immediate circumstances and conflicts he faces in his romantic life.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

The central conflict is Tom's heartbreak versus Summer's detachment. There's also an internal conflict within Tom between his romantic beliefs and reality. The conflict is present but not high-stakes; it's more emotional than physical.

Opposition: 6

The primary opposition is Summer's decision to end the relationship, which is a passive but powerful force. Tom's own idealism also opposes his ability to accept reality. The opposition is emotional rather than active.

High Stakes: 5

The stakes are emotional rather than life-or-death. Tom's happiness is at stake, but the scene doesn't raise the stakes beyond personal heartbreak. The stakes are moderate for a romantic drama.

Story Forward: 5

The scene establishes the premise and introduces the central relationship, but it doesn't advance a traditional plot. It sets up the 'boy meets girl' and the breakup, but the story's direction is still unclear. The non-linear structure means the story is more about character exploration than forward momentum.

Unpredictability: 8

The scene is unpredictable because it subverts the typical romantic comedy structure by revealing the breakup early and using a narrator who warns it's not a love story. The non-linear jumps and the twist of Summer's character add unpredictability.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict revolves around the protagonist's belief in soulmates and Summer's skepticism towards such notions. This challenges the protagonist's worldview and values regarding love and relationships.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes sympathy for Tom and a sense of melancholy. The breakup is poignant, and the montage of Tom's love for Summer is touching. However, the fragmented structure and humor sometimes undercut the emotional weight.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is sharp and witty, especially in the breakup scene and the banter between friends. The narrator's lines are memorable and add a meta layer. However, some exchanges feel expository, and the dialogue occasionally prioritizes cleverness over naturalism.

Engagement: 8

The scene is engaging due to its witty narration, relatable characters, and emotional core. The non-linear structure keeps the audience guessing, and the humor balances the sadness. The visual storytelling is compelling.

Pacing: 7

The pacing is varied, with quick cuts between time periods and slower moments in the breakup scene. The montage of Tom's love for Summer is effective, but the constant time jumps can make the pacing feel choppy.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting is professional and follows standard screenplay conventions. The use of CUT TO, SPLITSCREEN, and FREEZE FRAME is clear and effective. The scene numbers and transitions are well-marked.

Structure: 7

The scene uses a non-linear structure with a narrator, which is unconventional for a romantic comedy. It effectively creates intrigue but can be disorienting. The structure serves the theme of memory and perception, but it sacrifices narrative clarity.


Critique
  • The opening scene effectively establishes the contrast between Tom and Summer's beliefs about love, setting the stage for their relationship. However, the initial silence between them could be enhanced by incorporating subtle body language or visual cues that hint at their emotional states, making the moment more engaging.
  • The use of the narrator is a strong choice, providing context and insight into the characters' motivations. However, the narration could be more concise in certain areas to maintain the audience's attention and avoid redundancy, especially when the visuals are already conveying the story.
  • The transition from the park to the conference room is smooth, but the juxtaposition of Tom's bored demeanor in the corporate setting could be emphasized further. Adding a brief moment of internal monologue or a visual gag could enhance the comedic aspect of his disinterest.
  • The flashbacks to Tom's childhood and Summer's teenage years are effective in providing background, but they could benefit from a stronger emotional connection to the present moment. For instance, incorporating a visual motif or recurring theme that ties these memories to Tom's current feelings about love would deepen the audience's understanding of his character.
  • The split-screen technique is visually interesting, but it may distract from the emotional weight of the moment. Consider simplifying the visual presentation to focus more on Tom's reaction to Summer's entrance, which is a pivotal moment in the narrative.
Suggestions
  • Incorporate subtle visual cues or body language during the silent moment on the park bench to convey the characters' emotions more effectively.
  • Streamline the narration to avoid redundancy and keep the audience engaged, especially when visuals are already conveying the story.
  • Add a brief internal monologue or visual gag to emphasize Tom's boredom in the conference room, enhancing the comedic aspect.
  • Strengthen the emotional connection between the flashbacks and the present by introducing a visual motif or theme that ties Tom's memories to his current feelings about love.
  • Consider simplifying the split-screen technique to focus more on Tom's reaction to Summer's entrance, highlighting the significance of that moment.



Scene 2 -  Office Gossip and Frustration
INT. OFFICE - DAY

Tom trying to work. And failing. He turns to McKenzie.

TOM
What do we know about this new
girl?

MCKENZIE
Who?

TOM
The new girl. Summer. In Vance’s
office.

MCKENZIE
Dude. I hear she’s a bitch from
hell!

TOM
(disappointed)
Really?

MCKENZIE
Patel tried to talk to her in the
copy room. She was totally not
having it.

TOM
Maybe she was just in a hurry.

MCKENZIE
And maybe she’s some uppity, better
than everyone, superskank.

TOM
Damn.

MCKENZIE
I know. She’s pretty hot.

TOM
That makes me so mad! Why is it
pretty girls always think they can
treat people like crap and get away
with it?
16.



MCKENZIE
Dunno.

TOM
Like, just cause she has high
cheekbones and soft skin...

MCKENZIE
...and really good teeth.

TOM
And maybe the world’s most perfect
breasts...Just cause of that stuff,
she can walk around like she’s
center of the universe?

MCKENZIE
(as explanation)
Women.

TOM
Ugh. You know what? Screw her! We
haven’t even met and I can’t stand
her already.
Genres: ["Drama","Romance","Comedy"]

Summary In a light-hearted yet frustrated office scene, Tom struggles to focus on his work and seeks insight from his colleague McKenzie about the new employee, Summer. McKenzie shares negative gossip about Summer's unfriendly demeanor, which disappoints Tom and reinforces his frustration with the stereotype of attractive women who act superior. As they discuss Summer's looks and behavior, Tom's disdain for her grows, culminating in his declaration of dislike before even meeting her.
Strengths
  • Sharp dialogue
  • Character dynamics
  • Establishing conflict
Weaknesses
  • Lack of character development in this specific scene

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 6.5

This scene's primary job is to establish Tom's initial negative impression of Summer, setting up a classic romantic comedy reversal. It lands effectively with sharp, natural dialogue, but the scene is limited by its reliance on a clichéd 'bitch from hell' rumor and a lack of any direct interaction between Tom and Summer, which keeps the conflict entirely secondhand and reduces dramatic tension.


Story Content

Concept: 7

The concept of the protagonist pre-judging the love interest based on office gossip is a fresh twist on the meet-cute, but it's executed in a familiar 'guys complaining about a woman' setup.

Plot: 5.5

The plot advances the setup by introducing Summer's reputation and Tom's reaction, but no direct plot action occurs—it's all exposition and character reaction.

Originality: 6.5

The setup is a fresh take on the meet-cute by having the protagonist dislike the love interest, but the 'bitch from hell' rumor is a familiar trope.


Character Development

Characters: 6

Tom is clearly defined as insecure and prone to jumping to conclusions, while McKenzie serves as a one-note enabler. Summer remains an off-screen cipher.

Character Changes: 1

Tom does not change; he solidifies his negative opinion. No character arc movement.

Internal Goal: 7

Tom's internal goal in this scene is to understand and form an opinion about the new girl, Summer, based on the information he receives from McKenzie. This reflects his need for validation of his own beliefs and values regarding women and their behavior.

External Goal: 6

Tom's external goal is to gather information about Summer and form an opinion about her based on that information. This reflects the immediate challenge of navigating office dynamics and forming relationships with new colleagues.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 3

Conflict is low—Tom is frustrated with a person he hasn't met, and McKenzie agrees with him. No direct opposition occurs.

Opposition: 2

Opposition is weak—Summer is not present to oppose Tom, and McKenzie agrees with him. No real antagonist force.

High Stakes: 2

Stakes are low—Tom's emotional investment in disliking a coworker has no immediate consequences.

Story Forward: 5

The story moves forward by establishing the initial obstacle (Tom's dislike) that will need to be overcome, but it's a small step.

Unpredictability: 7.5

This scene is unpredictable because the audience expects Tom to be smitten, but instead he's hostile—a nice subversion.

Philosophical Conflict: 4

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the objectification and judgment of women based on their physical appearance. This challenges Tom's beliefs about gender equality and respect for individuals regardless of their looks.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 4

The emotional impact is mild—amusement at Tom's overreaction, but no deep feeling is evoked.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue is snappy and natural, with a good back-and-forth rhythm, but it leans on crude humor ('superskank', 'perfect breasts') that feels slightly forced.

Engagement: 7

This scene is engaging because the dialogue is quick and funny, and the audience is curious to see how Tom's opinion will change given the backstory.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness because the rapid back-and-forth keeps the energy up and the exposition light.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

Formatting is clean and standard, with proper scene heading, character cues, and parentheticals. No errors.

Structure: 6

The scene follows a classic setup structure: question (who is she?), complication (she's a bitch), and reaction (Tom's anger). It's functional but lacks a turn or surprise.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes Tom's character as someone who is idealistic and frustrated by societal norms regarding beauty and behavior. However, the dialogue can come off as overly simplistic and reinforces negative stereotypes about women, which may alienate some viewers.
  • The banter between Tom and McKenzie lacks depth and feels somewhat clichéd. While it serves to introduce Summer's character through gossip, it doesn't add much to Tom's development or the overall narrative. The dialogue could benefit from more nuance to avoid reducing Summer to just a stereotype.
  • Tom's frustration with attractive women is relatable, but the way it is expressed here could be perceived as misogynistic. This could detract from the audience's ability to empathize with him. A more balanced perspective on beauty and personality could enhance his character's complexity.
  • The pacing of the scene feels rushed. The transition from Tom's inquiry to McKenzie's gossip could be smoother, allowing for more natural dialogue and character interaction. This would help build a stronger connection between the characters and the audience.
  • The scene lacks visual elements that could enhance the storytelling. Incorporating physical actions or expressions could provide more context to the dialogue and help convey Tom's internal conflict more effectively.
Suggestions
  • Consider revising the dialogue to include more thoughtful commentary on societal expectations of beauty and behavior, allowing Tom to express his frustrations without resorting to derogatory terms.
  • Introduce a moment where Tom reflects on his own biases or experiences with women, which could add depth to his character and create a more balanced perspective.
  • Enhance the pacing by allowing for pauses or reactions between lines, giving the audience time to absorb the information and feel the weight of Tom's disappointment.
  • Incorporate visual storytelling elements, such as Tom's body language or facial expressions, to convey his feelings more effectively and create a stronger emotional connection with the audience.
  • Consider adding a moment where McKenzie challenges Tom's views, prompting him to reconsider his assumptions about Summer and attractive women in general, which could lead to character growth.



Scene 3 -  Elevator Encounters
INT. ELEVATOR - LATER

Tom is listening to headphones. Summer enters the elevator
and Tom actively puts on a show to ignore her. Summer hears
the music.

SUMMER
The Smiths.

Tom, pretending not to hear or care, gives her an
unenthusiastic wave.

SUMMER
I love The Smiths.

Tom, still pretending, takes off his headphones.

TOM
Sorry?

SUMMER
I said. I love The Smiths. You have
good taste in music.

A beat as Tom processes this information.
17.



TOM
(amazed)
You like the Smiths?

SUMMER
(singing)
“To die by your side is such a
heavenly way to die.” Love it.

The elevator doors open and she gets off.

TOM
(accidentally out loud)
Oh my god.


(8)
INT OFFICE LOBBY - DAY

The office sings “Happy Birthday” to a FEMALE CO-WORKER. When
they get to the part about her name, Tom is the only one who
knows it, everyone else just there for the cake. Song over,
everyone digs in. Tom finds himself standing next to Summer.

TOM
Hi.

SUMMER
Hello.

TOM
So, uh, Summer...

SUMMER
Tom.

TOM
Yeah! How’s it going so far?

SUMMER
The city or the firm?

TOM
Both... Either.

SUMMER
I’m happy. Still getting situated.
How long have you worked here?
18.



TOM
Oh, you know, 4, 5... years.

SUMMER
Really? Jesus. Did you always want
to write greeting cards?

TOM
Are you nuts? I don’t even want to
do it now.

SUMMER
What is it you want to do?

TOM
I studied to be an architect
actually.

SUMMER
That’s so cool! What happened?

TOM
Eh, you know. Same old story. Moved
to the city to work for a company.
Company went under. Needed a job.
My friend worked here. Got me this.

SUMMER
And are you any good?

TOM
(points to a framed card)
Well I wrote that one.

SUMMER
(reading)
“Today You’re a Man. Mazel Tov on
your Bar Mitzvah.”

TOM
It’s a big seller.

SUMMER
I meant, are you any good as an
architect?

TOM
Oh... No. I doubt it.

SUMMER
Well, I’d say you’re a perfectly
...adequate... greeting card
writer.
19.



TOM
Why thank you. That’s what they
called me in college. “Perfectly
adequate” Hansen.

SUMMER
They used to call me “Anal Girl.”

Tom does a spit-take and almost chokes.

SUMMER
(explaining)
I was very neat and organized.

There’s an awkward silence.

SUMMER
Anyway, I should get back.

TOM
Ok, well, I’ll see you around.

She walks back to her cubicle at the other end of the hall.
Tom watches her walk away, completely enamored.

He sits down at his desk and sets out to work. But before he
does, his eyes fall on a sketch he drew of a house. It’s
dated 2001 and it’s the only architecture sketch on his wall.


(11)
INT TOM’S PLACE - DAY

Tom is playing Playstation with Rachel.

TOM
And it turns out she’s read every
Graham Greene novel ever published.
Her desk is lined with Magritte
posters and Edward Hopper.

RACHEL
Your favorites.

TOM
We’re so compatible it’s insane!
Seriously! It doesn’t make sense!
She’s not like I thought at all.
She’s... amazing.
20.



RACHEL
Oh boy.

TOM
What?

RACHEL
You know...just cause some cute
girl likes the same bizarro music
you do doesn’t make her “the one.”

TOM
(beat)
Of course it does.

SARAH (O.S.)
Dinner!

SARAH, 50s, Tom and Rachel’s mother, stands in the doorway.

SARAH
Pause and come eat.

They do. Tom enters the living room area and sits down next
to his stepdad MARTIN, 60s, a quiet, professorial Southern
gentleman type.

TOM
Hey Martin.

ANGLE ON RACHEL and Sarah.

RACHEL
He met a girl.

SARAH
(excited)
Yeah?

RACHEL
(grim)
Yeah.

Sarah grows serious too.

SARAH
Oh shit.

CUT TO:
21.




STOCK FOOTAGE.

The Wright Brothers, Galileo, Heaven’s Gate, Neil Armstrong.

NARRATOR
When one strongly believes in
something, it takes overwhelming
contradictory evidence to change
their minds.

END ON:

LITTLE TOM, age 6, mesmerized by a vinyl album cover of
Olivia Newton-John in “Xanadu.”

NARRATOR
Tom had always been a devout
believer in the idea of “true
love.”
(beat)
The evidence did not support him.

CUT TO:


(-8914)
INT CLASSROOM - DAY

Little Tom stares at a LITTLE GIRL, 6, who has the same
hairstyle and dress as Newton-John on that cover. Tom draws a
picture. It’s a boy and a girl with a giant heart over them.

He stands up and walks over to the girl, putting the picture
on her desk. Not a word is spoken. Satisfied, he returns to
his seat and waits to see what happens.

NARRATOR
Exhibit A: Lisa Rayner.

The Little Girl stands up and walks the picture over to
ANOTHER BOY.

Tom is mortified. The OTHER BOY eats the drawing.



(-5313)
22.




EXT FOOTBALL FIELD - NIGHT

A BLONDE CHEERLEADER leads the crowd in a cheer. PAN ACROSS
to find TEENAGE TOM, 15, finishing making out with a homely
HIGH SCHOOL GIRL. He says goodbye and walks off, looking back
longingly.

NARRATOR
Exhibit B: Wendy Wilson.

Once Tom is out of frame, a SECOND BOY approaches Wendy. Then
they start making out.



(-2825)
INT AIRPLANE - DAY

COLLEGE TOM sits next to his girlfriend REBECCA MYLES. His
smile gleams.

TOM
I’m so glad we decided to go away
together Bec. I know we’ve only
been dating a few months but it’s
been...awesome.

NARRATOR
Exhibit C: Rebecca Myles.

TOM
And now, you and me, 8 days in
Mexico... best spring break ever!

Across the aisle Rebecca makes eye contact with three COLLEGE
DUDES.

REBECCA
I think we should see other people.



(-734)
23.




EXT CAR - NIGHT

Younger Tom sits in the passenger seat. Raven-haired AMANDA
drives.

NARRATOR
And, finally... Exhibit D: Amanda
Heller.

AMANDA
It’s just... it’s complicated.

TOM
What’s complicated? Last week you
said you loved me!

AMANDA
I know it’s sudden but...

TOM
No, this can’t be. Everything was
going so great. I don’t understand.

AMANDA
(beat)
Here.

TOM
What’s this?

She puts a disc into the cd player.

AMANDA
Because you’re, like, the biggest
music nerd I’ve ever met, I think
this should really help explain
where I’m coming from.

A pop song begins to play on the stereo. They listen for a
few beats. Tom is confused.

AMANDA
You remember how much I loved this
song when you first played it for
me?

TOM
Sure. It’s all you wanted to listen
to for weeks.
24.



AMANDA
Right. And I still like it, don’t
get me wrong. It’s just... When I
hear it now, I don’t feel the
same...rush.

TOM
(still confused)
Ok...

AMANDA
I press the skip button.

Still Tom doesn’t understand.

TOM
What does this have to do with--?

AMANDA
I’d rather listen to something
else.

And with that, it slowly sinks in for him.

TOM
But Amanda... this is a great
fucking song!



(22)
INT LOCAL DIVE BAR - HAPPY HOUR

Tom removes his headphones and sits defeated with McKenzie
and Paul in a booth.

TOM
It’s off.

PAUL
What?

TOM
Me and Summer.

MCKENZIE
Was it ever on?
25.



TOM
No. But it could have been. In a
world where good things happen to
me.

PAUL
Yeah well, that’s not really where
we live.

TOM
No.

MCKENZIE
So what happened?

TOM
You ready for this?


INT ELEVATOR - THE DAY BEFORE

Tom is alone. The door opens. In walks Summer.

TOM (V.O.)
So there we are. All alone. Nine
more floors to ride. Plenty of
time. I figure...this is my chance.
If not now when, right?

They ride in silence for a few beats.

TOM
Summer...

SUMMER
Yeah?

TOM
(beat)
So how was your weekend?

SUMMER
It was good.


INT LOCAL DIVE BAR - AS BEFORE

The friends wait for more.

TOM
You believe that shit?
26.



MCKENZIE
What shit?

PAUL
I think I missed something.

TOM
“It was good.” She didn’t say “It
was good.” She said “It was good.”
Emphasis on the good. She basically
said “I spent the weekend having
sex with this guy I met at the
gym.” Fucking whore. Screw her.
It’s over.

Everyone’s silent.

MCKENZIE
What the hell is wrong with you?!

PAUL
Dude, you got problems.

TOM
She’s not interested in me. There’s
nothing I can do.

MCKENZIE
Based on...”it was good?”
TOM
And some other things.

PAUL
Like what, she said “hey” instead
of “hi” cause that totally means
she’s a lesbian.

TOM
I gave her all sorts of chances.


INT OFFICE - DAY

Tom types at his desk. Summer approaches the cubicle Tom
shares with McKenzie.

SUMMER
I’m going to the supply room.
Anyone need anything?

MCKENZIE
No thanks.
27.



TOM
I think you know what I need.

There’s a beat.

TOM
Toner.

SUMMER
Oh ok, sure, no prob.


INT OFFICE - LATE IN THE DAY

The office is emptying out. Only a few people remain but Tom
and Summer are two of them. Tom takes this opportunity to put
a CD in his computer and play the song really loud. It’s “I
Want to Know What Love Is” by Foreigner. No reaction from
Summer. Tom turns it up. Still nothing. Tom turns it down,
defeated.


INT SUMMER’S DESK

Tom is there.

TOM
Do you want to go out with me?

A beat. Summer says nothing.

TOM
And the Priest says, “But we’re
already out!”

They both laugh.

SUMMER
That is hilarious!

TOM
I know!

And when she walks away, he smacks his head a few times with
his palm.


INT LOCAL DIVE BAR - AS BEFORE

TOM
Not once did she take the bait. Not
once. Screw it. I’m done with her.
It’s over.
28.



Tom’s friends all look at him like he’s crazy.



(27 & 28)
INT OFFICE - TOM’S CUBICLE - DAY

Tom sits at his desk with headphones on trying to work. But
with Summer down at the end of the hall, he’s having a hard
time concentrating.

McKenzie shares a cubicle with Tom.

MCKENZIE
This Friday. 10 bucks all you can
karaoke at The Well.

TOM
No way McKenzie. Absolutely not.

MCKENZIE
Come on!
(singing)
“Take me down to the paradise city
where the grass is green and they
got big titties!”

TOM
They won’t let you back in there
after last time.

MCKENZIE
I wasn’t that bad.

TOM
Not at all. You just threw up on
the stage, tried to fight the
bartender, and then threatened to
burn the place down before passing
out on the sidewalk. Quiet night
for you.

MCKENZIE
(reverential)
You saved my life that day.

TOM
We are not going back there.
29.



MCKENZIE
This is a work thing, Tommy. It
won’t be like that. The whole
office is going.

TOM
I really can’t. Even if I wanted
to. There’s a lot of stuff I gotta
take care of.

MCKENZIE
You’re not listening to me.

TOM
What?

MCKENZIE
The whole office is going.
Tom looks over to where Summer sits. And realization dawns on
him...


INT KARAOKE BAR - NIGHT

Summer is in a back booth with some co-workers when Tom walks
in to the crowded place. McKenzie has the microphone and he’s
singing “Every Rose Has Its Thorn” by Poison. He’s real into
it and, well, it’s kinda sad. Tom waves to McKenzie and walks
over to the booth.

TOM
Hi.

SUMMER
Hey! They said you weren’t coming.

TOM
You asked if I was coming?
(beat)
I mean...my plans got cancelled...

Tom is at a loss. There’s yet another awkward silent beat
between them. Thankfully, it’s interrupted by...

MCKENZIE
(already drunk)
Goddamn that song is brilliant!
What’s up Hansen?

Summer sees the next song come up on the screen.
30.



SUMMER
Ooh that’s me.

She downs a shot and jumps up on stage.

SUMMER
(into mic)
Ok. I’m the new girl so no making
fun of me.

Her co-workers whistle and cheer her on. She takes a deep
breath as the opening bars of “Born to Run” begin to play and
Summer starts to sing. Tom sees Summer as the actress in
whatever nonsensical karaoke video accompanies the song (it’s
something to do with an old convertible, the sunset, and a
midget in a tuxedo.)

LATER. Tom sits in the booth with McKenzie (doing a shot) as
Summer chats with co-workers at another table. Tom can’t help
but stare at Summer. She notices and waves. He smiles,
hopeful that she’ll come over. She doesn’t. He hides his
disappointment.

LATER. Tom walks back to his table with drinks. Summer is
there in mid-conversation with McKenzie.

TOM
You were great up there, by the
way.

SUMMER
Well you can’t go wrong with The
Boss.

TOM
(sitting down)
I hear that.

MCKENZIE
Hey, did you know Tom here’s from
Jersey?

SUMMER
Yeah?

TOM
Lived there til I was 12.

SUMMER
I named my cat after Springsteen.

TOM
No kidding? What’s his name?
31.



SUMMER
Bruce.

TOM
(beat)
That makes sense.

She laughs. She’s really cute when she laughs.

MCKENZIE
So you got a boyfriend?

SUMMER
Me? No.

Tom shoots daggers at McKenzie for that comment. McKenzie
mouths “what?” Summer sees nothing.

MCKENZIE
Why not?

SUMMER
Don’t really want one.

MCKENZIE
Come on. I don’t believe that.

SUMMER
You don’t believe a woman could
enjoy being free and independent?

MCKENZIE
(beat)
Are you a lesbian?

SUMMER
No, I’m not a lesbian. I’m just not
comfortable being somebody’s
“girlfriend.” I don’t want to be
anybody’s anything, you know?
MCKENZIE
I have no idea what you’re talking
about.

SUMMER
It sounds selfish, I know, but... I
just like being on my own.
Relationships are messy and
feelings are always getting hurt.
Who needs all that? We’re young.
We’re in one of the most beautiful
cities in the world.
(MORE)
32.

SUMMER (cont'd)
I say, let’s have as much fun as we
can afford and leave the serious
shit for later.

TOM
But...what if you meet someone and
fall in love?

SUMMER
(laughs)
Love? You seriously believe in that
stuff?

TOM
Of course I do.

SUMMER
Interesting. A real romantic.

MCKENZIE
Oh you have no idea. This one...
embarrassing. There was this one
girl,
(to Tom)
I gotta tell this story --

Tom elbows McKenzie hard in the ribs to shut him up.

TOM
Summer, hold on... you don’t
believe in love?

SUMMER
I don’t even know what that word
means. I know I’ve never felt it,
whatever it is in all those songs.
And I know that today most
marriages end in divorce. Like my
parents.

TOM
Well mine too but --

SUMMER
Oh yeah, And I read in Newsweek,
there were these scientists who
found that by stimulating a part of
the brain with electrodes you can
make a person fall in “love” with a
rock. Is that the love you’re
talking about?

TOM
Well...
33.



SUMMER
Why, what’s your take on it?

CUT TO:

AN ANIMATION SEQUENCE, real quick. AN EXPLOSION OF MANY
DIFFERENT COLORS, COMPLETE WITH A CHOIR AND A CHURCH ORGAN
ALL BUILDING TO A HUGE CRESCENDO.

BACK TO:


INT BAR

On Tom:

TOM
I think it’s...kind of a huge
thing.

SUMMER
(beat)
Ok. Looks like we’re gonna have to
agree to disagree on that one.

McKenzie senses some discontent.

MCKENZIE
So, uh, who’s singing next?

SUMMER
(re: singing)
I’d say it’s your turn loverboy.

TOM
Nooo. I don’t sing in public.

SUMMER
Sure you do. I see you lip-synching
to your headphones every morning on
your way in.

TOM
I don’t...

MCKENZIE
You really do.

SUMMER
It’s ok. I like it. Takes a lot of
self-confidence to look ridiculous.
34.



MCKENZIE
(can’t help himself)
Self-confidence! Ha!

Tom elbows him in the ribs again.

TOM
Anyway, I’m not near drunk enough
to sing in front of all these
people.

SUMMER
Ok then. Let’s drink.

TOM
It would take at least ten shots to
get me to sing.

SUMMER
Bartender!

TEN MINUTES LATER. Tom is up there singing The Clash’s
“Magnificent Seven.” You wouldn’t think so but Tom is a ROCK
STAR up there! He’s dancing like Jagger, he’s got everyone in
the bar singing along to the audience-participation parts.
It’s a sight to behold. Summer is all smiles watching.

LATER. Tom and Summer back at the table. Summer is humming
something.

TOM
That’s not it.

SUMMER
What is that then?

TOM
I have no idea.

They’re both having a good time.

SUMMER
I used to watch it every week.

TOM
Me too. Why can’t we think of the
stupid A-Team theme song.

SUMMER
Pathetic.

TOM
This is gonna bother me for weeks.
35.



SUMMER
Totally.

They share another laugh and then it gets quiet. In that good
way.

ANGLE ON McKenzie, wasted, singing the shit out of “Proud to
Be an American.” He really means it. At any minute he might
start to cry.

MCKENZIE
“And I’d proudly stand UP!”
(aggressive drunk)
I said stand!

BACK ON TOM and SUMMER.

TOM
Oh here we go.


EXT KARAOKE BAR - LATER

Tom helps a nearly comatose McKenzie exit the place. Summer
is with them.

MCKENZIE
(to Summer)
This guy.
(dramatically)
He’s the best.

TOM
Ok, let’s get you in a cab.

MCKENZIE
No. I’m gonna walk. I live right
down that street. Or that one.

SUMMER
(laughing)
Is he gonna be ok?

TOM
He’ll be fine.

A cab arrives. Tom and Summer help McKenzie inside.

MCKENZIE
Hey.

TOM
What’s up?
36.



MCKENZIE
Not you. You.
(beat, to Summer)
He likes you.

TOM
(quickly)
Ok, goodnight McKenzie!

MCKENZIE
I mean... likes you, likes you. For
real. Tell her Tom.

Tom shuts the door on McKenzie as fast as he can. Now it’s
just Tom and Summer. Tom talks a mile a minute to try and
erase McKenzie’s last exchange from her mind.

TOM
Sorry you had to see that. Happens
every time we come here. It’s
unbelievable. Something about that
guy and singing for people. I don’t
know. But at least he didn’t --

SUMMER
Is that true?

TOM
What?

SUMMER
You know what. Do you...like me?

TOM
Yeah. I like you. Of course I do.

SUMMER
As a friend.

TOM
Right. As a friend.

SUMMER
Just as a friend?

The wheels are spinning in Tom’s head. What’s the right
answer here?

TOM
Yes. I mean... I haven’t really
thought about... Yes. Why?
37.



SUMMER
Nothing. I just... You’re
interesting. I’d like us to be
friends. Is that ok?

Tom was clearly hoping for her to say something else. He
hides his disappointment the best he can.

TOM
Oh yeah totally. Friends. You and
me. That’s... perfect.

SUMMER
Cool.

TOM
Cool.

Silence.

SUMMER
Well, I’m that way. Good night Tom.

TOM
G’night Summer.

Tom watches her walk away for a beat before he turns to go
the other way.

TOM
(under his breath)
Friends. Awesome. That’s just
great. Well done Hansen, you idiot.

Tom walks a few more steps.

And then, seemingly out of nowhere, without his even
noticing, SUMMER HAS WRAPPED HER ARMS AROUND HIM AND PULLED
HIM INTO A KISS!

It’s unbelievable. There’s a few seconds where Tom isn’t sure
if he’s dreaming or not. But then he realizes, suddenly, out
of the blue, his best case scenario really is actually
happening.


(29)
FADE UP: “YOU MAKE MY DREAMS COME TRUE” by Hall and Oates.
38.




EXT STREET - MORNING

It’s the greatest morning of all time!

Tom walks down the street. Or, more accurately, Tom struts
down the street. He’s pointing at people as he passes,
winking, doing a little shuffle. He is the man. He checks out
his reflection in a window. A YOUNG PAUL NEWMAN stares back.

People wave as he passes, they clap, they give him thumbs up.
A parade forms behind him. The POSTMAN, a POLICE OFFICER, the
HOT DOG VENDOR, RONALD MCDONALD and MAYOR MCCHEESE, everybody
loves Tom today. HALL and OATES themselves walk with Tom
singing the song.

Cars stop at crosswalks to let Tom go by. The DRIVERS also
pump their fists in celebration of Tom’s achievement last
night. He walks on, the man. We notice the sidewalk lights up
every time he touches the pavement like in “Billie Jean”.

CARTOON BIRDS fly onto Tom’s shoulder. He smiles and winks at
them.


INT OFFICE - SAME

Tom passes Summer’s office whistling Hall and Oates. She sees
him and immediately lights up.

SUMMER
Hey!

TOM
Hey!

Vance pokes out of his corner office.

VANCE.
Summer, I need -- Oh hello Hansen.

TOM
Hey Mr. Vance.

SUMMER
Yes, Mr. Vance?

And they’re all business. As Tom turns to go, however, Summer
gives him a little coy smile that would be enough to make
anyone’s day complete. Tom gives her the international signal
for ‘I’ll call you later’ in return. Vance sees none of it.
Tom walks to his cubicle, still on top of the world.
39.




INT TOM’S PLACE - THAT NIGHT

Tom answers the door. It’s Paul (in hospital scrubs).

PAUL
You son of a bitch.

He walks inside without waiting for an invite.

PAUL
Last night, karaoke night?

TOM
(anxious)
Shhh.

PAUL
The same girl you’d been whining
and crying and bitching about for
weeks now?

TOM
I have not been...

PAUL
The same girl you said was way out
of your league and you’d have no
chance with no matter what. That
girl?

TOM
Paul, seriously...

PAUL
Did you bang her?

TOM
No!

PAUL
Blow job?

TOM
No!

PAUL
Hand job?

TOM
No, Paul, no jobs. I’m still
unemployed. We just kissed.
40.



PAUL
Come on, level with me. As your
best friend, who tolerated a whole
month of talk talk talk about this
girl, nothing but Summer this,
Summer that, Summer Summer Summer,
I mean you were practically
stalking her...

TOM
Shhh!

Suddenly, the sound of a toilet flushing is heard. From the
bathroom emerges Summer, dressed to go out.

PAUL
Oh crap.

SUMMER
Hi, I’m Summer..

PAUL
Summer, wow what an unusual name.
I’m sure I’d remember that if I had
heard it before. Tom, how come
you’ve never mentioned you knew
such a lovely little lady?
(off Tom’s nasty look)
Or perhaps you have and I’ve just
forgot.
(to Summer)
I mean, with all the women in Tom’s
life it’s hard to keep track...
(not helping)
Ok, well, I was just... I’m Paul.

SUMMER
Hi Paul.

PAUL
(not sure what else to
say)
I’m a doctor.

SUMMER
Nice to meet you.

PAUL
Anyway, I’m leaving now. Pretend I
was never here. Tom, talk to you
later?... Hey, If any jobs open
up...
41.



Tom quickly shuts the door on Paul.

TOM
If you heard...

SUMMER
Heard what?

TOM
Excellent. You ready to go.

SUMMER
I’m stalking, STARVING!

Tom realizes she’s heard it all.

TOM
(playfully)
He exaggerates!


(198)
INT CHINESE RESTAURANT - NIGHT

Tom and Summer eating, not really talking much. At another
table, Tom sees a VERY UNATTRACTIVE COUPLE feeding each other
food.

TOM
Check them out.

Summer sees. She has no reaction.

TOM
(sarcastic)
That is hot.

Summer keeps eating.

TOM
I am very turned on right now.

SUMMER
Sometimes you can be so judgmental.

TOM
Huh?
42.



SUMMER
I mean, who are you? They’re happy.
Just mind your own business.

Summer goes back to eating. Tom can’t believe she snapped.


(31)
INT RESTAURANT - NIGHT

An equally UNATTRACTIVE COUPLE go at it in a booth. PAN
ACROSS to find Tom and Summer early in their relationship, in
a booth across the room, watching in hysterics.

TOM
9, 9.5?

SUMMER
Too soon to say. It’s all in the
dismount.

TOM
If we’re lucky, there won’t be a
dismount.

Summer, her cheeks flushed already from laughing, loses it
again. They are having a great night.

SUMMER
I can’t believe them. I have like
zero patience for PDA.

TOM
I hear ya. If I want to watch
people make out, I have big windows
and binoculars at home.

SUMMER
Yeah?

TOM
(beat)
No. That would be wrong.

They laugh some more. She is in hysterics.

SUMMER
This is fun. You’re fun.
43.



TOM
Thanks.

SUMMER
I mean, I just want to say, up
front, I’m not looking for anything
serious.

Tom is a little surprised.

SUMMER
Are you cool with that?

TOM
(unconvincing)
Sure.

SUMMER
It freaks some guys out when I say
that.

TOM
(still confused)
Not me.

SUMMER
Let’s just have fun. Let’s
just...hang out, no pressure, no
labels, no obligations.
(beat)
Ok?

Tom is visibly disappointed by this but he tries to hide it.

TOM
Sure.

SUMMER
(beat)
Wanna hold my hand under the table?

A beat.

TOM
Yeah.


INT TOM’S BEDROOM - LATER THAT NIGHT

Summer and Tom come bounding in, lip-locked and all over each
other. They fall on his bed and begin undressing each other.
Suddenly, Tom stops.
44.



TOM
I’ll be...back in a sec.

He walks into the hallway, out of her sight. He looks into
the hallway mirror.

TOM
Settle. Don’t get too excited.
She’s just a girl. There’s lots of
them. Who look like that. And like
what you like. They’re everywhere.
Calm yourself.

He takes a few deep breaths.

TOM
Are you calm?
(beat)
Ok. Then it’s time to go back in.

We watch from behind as he re-enters his bedroom. Where
Summer waits. Under the covers. Naked.

SUMMER
Hi.

TOM
Oh sweet Jesus!

Tom can’t help but do a little celebration dance.

CUT TO:

LATER. Sex has been had. Summer is asleep. Tom lies next to
her. He still can’t help but be ecstatic. He is pumping his
fists in the air and silently shouting “Woo Hoo!!!!”


(388)
CU - TOM. LOOKING THE WORSE FOR WEAR. UNSHAVEN, LONG HAIR,
CRUMPLED CLOTHING. IN SHORT, HE’S A MESS.

TOM
(into CAMERA)
I fucking hate Summer.

CU - SUMMER’S SMILE (as before)

TOM (V.O.)
I hate her crooked teeth.
45.



CU - SUMMER’S HAIR (as before)

TOM (V.O.)
I hate her 1950s haircut.

CU - SUMMER’S KNEES (as before)

TOM (V.O.)
I hate her knobby knees.

CU - SUMMER’S EYES (as before)

TOM (V.O.)
I hate her lopsided, asymmetrical,
cock-eyed head.

CU - SUMMER’S NECK (as before)

TOM (V.O.)
I hate that centipede-shaped scar.

CU - SUMMER’S BREASTS (as before)

TOM (V.O.)
I hate her...stupid...big boobs.

CU - SUMMER ASLEEP (as before)

TOM (V.O.)
I hate the way she sleeps.

CU - SUMMER’S LAUGH

TOM (V.O.)
I hate the way she laughs.

OVER BLACK, play the middle 8 of “Every Little Thing She Does
is Magic.”

TOM (V.O.)
I HATE THIS FUCKING SONG!

CU - TOM.

REVERSE ANGLE on A TROLLEY FULL OF PEOPLE, terrified of this
raving lunatic.

BUS DRIVER
Son, you’re gonna have to exit the
vehicle.

CUT TO:
46.




INT OFFICE - DAY

Tom passes Summer’s desk. A new SECRETARY sits there. He
notices, in the trash, a reprint of an avant garde surrealist
painting of two dogs humping. He stops and retrieves it from
the bin like it’s some family heirloom. He gives the
secretary a dirty look for tossing it.


(35)
Genres: ["Romantic Comedy","Drama"]

Summary In this scene, Tom and Summer bond over their shared love for The Smiths in an elevator, where Tom initially pretends to be indifferent but is clearly intrigued. Their conversation deepens in the office lobby, revealing Tom's aspirations and Summer's preference for independence over commitment. The playful yet revealing exchanges highlight Tom's growing interest in Summer, culminating in a moment of contemplation as he watches her walk away.
Strengths
  • Effective portrayal of conflicting emotions
  • Witty and realistic dialogue
  • Character development through internal struggle
Weaknesses
  • Limited external conflict
  • Some repetitive internal monologue

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 6.5

This scene's primary job is to establish the central romantic relationship and its core philosophical conflict, which it does with charm and specificity through the elevator meeting, karaoke night, and the kiss. The biggest limiter is the overlong, episodic structure that loses momentum with multiple flashbacks and the bar scene with friends, making the pacing uneven and diluting the emotional impact of the central romance.


Story Content

Concept: 7

The concept of a romantic comedy that openly debates the validity of love itself is strong, and the narrator device adds a unique meta-layer. However, the execution relies heavily on familiar rom-com beats (the meet-cute, the karaoke scene, the friend's drunken confession) without fully subverting them.

Plot: 6

The plot moves from initial attraction to a series of escalating interactions (elevator, office, karaoke, kiss) but is interrupted by lengthy flashbacks and a bar scene that stalls momentum. The sequence of events is clear but not always compellingly paced.

Originality: 6.5

The narrator device and the philosophical debate about love are fresh takes on the rom-com genre. However, many beats (the meet-cute, karaoke scene, friend's confession) are familiar, and the flashbacks feel like a standard 'history of heartbreak' montage.


Character Development

Characters: 7

Tom is well-drawn as a romantic idealist with a history of heartbreak, and Summer is effectively established as his foil—independent, skeptical, but playful. However, supporting characters like McKenzie and Paul are one-note comic relief, and Summer's motivations remain surface-level.

Character Changes: 4

Tom changes from hopeless to hopeful after the kiss, but this shift is temporary and undercut by the later scene where he declares he hates Summer. Summer's stance on love remains unchanged, so character change is minimal.

Internal Goal: 7

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to navigate his feelings for the love interest, Summer, and come to terms with the casual nature of their relationship.

External Goal: 8

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to maintain a casual and fun dynamic with Summer while also dealing with the pressure of societal expectations and his own emotions.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 5

The primary conflict is internal (Tom's fear of rejection vs. his desire for connection) and philosophical (love vs. independence). External conflict is minimal until the kiss, which resolves tension rather than escalating it.

Opposition: 4

The opposition Tom faces is primarily internal (his own insecurity and fear) and philosophical (Summer's rejection of love). External opposition from McKenzie's drunken interference is comic rather than serious.

High Stakes: 5

The stakes are personal and emotional—Tom's chance at love and his worldview being validated or shattered—but they feel low because the scene focuses on early flirtation rather than high conflict.

Story Forward: 6.5

The scene advances the central relationship from strangers to lovers, establishing the core dynamic and philosophical conflict. However, the flashbacks and bar scene with friends add backstory without moving the plot forward.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because the kiss comes after a series of rejections and misunderstandings, subverting the typical 'will they/won't they' tension. The narrator's cynical framing also defies expectations for a romantic comedy.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the protagonist's belief in true love and Summer's more pragmatic and non-committal approach to relationships. This challenges the protagonist's romantic ideals and forces him to confront the reality of their situation.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6.5

The scene generates genuine warmth and hope during the karaoke night and kiss, but the emotional impact is undercut by the cynical framing of the narrator and the later 'I hate Summer' sequence, which feels jarringly out of place.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue is witty and natural, with standout lines like Summer's 'Anal Girl' joke and the banter about The Smiths. However, some exchanges (e.g., Tom's rant about 'it was good') feel overwritten and less authentic.

Engagement: 7

This scene is engaging because of the witty dialogue, the relatable romantic tension, and the surprising kiss that rewards the audience's investment. The narrator and flashbacks add intellectual interest but can also pull the reader out of the moment.

Pacing: 5.5

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness because the karaoke night builds momentum nicely, but the flashbacks and the bar scene with friends slow the rhythm and create a stop-start feeling.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 7

Formatting is mostly correct, with clear scene headings and action lines. However, the use of 'STOCK FOOTAGE' and 'AN ANIMATION SEQUENCE' is unconventional and may confuse readers; the 'CUT TO:' transitions are overused.

Structure: 6

The scene uses a non-linear structure with flashbacks and a narrator, which is appropriate for the genre but disrupts the romantic comedy's typical forward momentum. The karaoke night sequence is well-structured with a clear build-up to the kiss.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes the chemistry between Tom and Summer through their shared love for The Smiths, which serves as a strong foundation for their relationship. However, the initial interaction in the elevator feels somewhat forced, as Tom's pretense of ignoring Summer could be more nuanced to reflect his internal conflict about wanting to engage with her while also trying to appear indifferent.
  • The dialogue is witty and captures the playful banter between the characters, but it could benefit from more subtext. For instance, when Summer mentions her love for The Smiths, Tom's reaction could reveal more about his character—perhaps a mix of surprise and excitement that someone like Summer shares his taste in music, which he initially thought was unique to him.
  • The transition from the elevator to the office lobby is smooth, but the birthday celebration feels a bit disconnected from the previous elevator scene. It might be more effective to create a stronger link between the two settings, perhaps by having Tom reflect on his encounter with Summer as he walks to the lobby, allowing for a more seamless narrative flow.
  • The introduction of the birthday celebration serves as a backdrop for Tom and Summer's interaction, but it could be used more effectively to highlight Tom's feelings of isolation amidst the crowd. This would deepen the emotional stakes of his budding connection with Summer, emphasizing his longing for genuine connection in a superficial environment.
  • The humor in the dialogue is a strong point, particularly with Summer's 'Anal Girl' comment, which adds a layer of depth to her character. However, the scene could explore more of Summer's personality beyond her humor and independence. Adding a moment where she reveals a vulnerability or a personal anecdote could create a more rounded character and deepen Tom's interest in her.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment where Tom internally grapples with his desire to engage with Summer while pretending to ignore her. This could be shown through his body language or internal monologue, making his eventual engagement feel more organic.
  • Enhance the subtext in the dialogue by allowing Tom's reactions to Summer's comments to reveal more about his character. For example, when she sings a line from The Smiths, Tom could have a moment of realization about how much he admires her, which would add depth to his character.
  • Create a stronger thematic connection between the elevator scene and the office lobby by having Tom reflect on his encounter with Summer as he walks through the office, perhaps contrasting his feelings of excitement with the mundane office environment.
  • Utilize the birthday celebration to emphasize Tom's feelings of loneliness. You could show him observing the festivities while feeling disconnected, which would heighten the emotional impact of his interaction with Summer.
  • Introduce a moment where Summer shares something personal or vulnerable, allowing the audience to see her depth beyond her independence. This could be a brief anecdote or a comment that reveals her own struggles with relationships, making her a more relatable character.



Scene 4 -  Art and Laughter at the Museum
INT. SF MUSEUM OF MODERN ART - DAY

CU: the same painting.

ANGLE ON Summer and Tom looking at it curiously.

TOM
It’s very... complex.

SUMMER
Complex. Yes.

CU: a second painting which is nothing but red.

ANGLE ON Summer and Tom looking at it with the same
expressions.

SUMMER
In a way, it speaks so much by
saying... so little.

TOM
I feel the same way.

CU: a third painting which could only be, well, poop.

ANGLE ON Summer and Tom, still perplexed but trying.

They say nothing, until:

TOM
You wanna go to the movies?

SUMMER
(relieved)
God yes!
47.
Genres: ["Romance","Drama"]

Summary In this light-hearted scene at the San Francisco Museum of Modern Art, Tom and Summer explore various paintings, discussing the complexities and simplicities of art. Tom reflects on a complex piece while Summer appreciates a minimalist red painting. Their amusement peaks when they encounter a painting humorously likened to poop. Ultimately, they decide to leave the museum for a movie, signaling a shift from their artistic musings to a more enjoyable outing.
Strengths
  • Effective dialogue
  • Subtle character development
  • Engaging shared interests
Weaknesses
  • Low conflict level
  • Relatively low stakes

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 6.5

This scene's primary job is to deepen the romantic comedy connection between Tom and Summer through shared experience and playful dialogue, which it does effectively with humor and relief. The single biggest limiter is the lack of any real conflict or stakes, making it feel like a pleasant but low-tension interlude that doesn't advance the plot or character arcs significantly.


Story Content

Concept: 7

The concept of using incomprehensible modern art as a catalyst for bonding is fresh and funny, but it's a simple, familiar rom-com beat.

Plot: 4

The plot barely moves; it's a character moment that shows their compatibility but doesn't introduce new obstacles or revelations.

Originality: 6

The use of modern art as a shared joke is a fresh take on a familiar 'bonding over mutual dislike' trope, but the dialogue is not particularly original.


Character Development

Characters: 7

Tom and Summer are consistent and charming, but their reactions are predictable and don't reveal new depths.

Character Changes: 1

Neither character changes; they remain in their established roles.

Internal Goal: 6

The protagonist's internal goal is to understand and appreciate the art they are viewing. This reflects their deeper desire for intellectual stimulation and emotional connection.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to suggest going to the movies as a way to continue their interaction with Summer. This reflects the immediate circumstances of wanting to spend more time together.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 1

There is no conflict; they are in perfect agreement, which reduces tension.

High Stakes: 1

Stakes are nonexistent; the only risk is boredom, which is immediately resolved.

Story Forward: 3

The scene moves the story forward minimally by solidifying their rapport, but it's more of a pause than a progression.

Unpredictability: 5

This scene is unpredictable because the art pieces are absurdly described, but the outcome (going to movies) is a predictable rom-com beat.

Philosophical Conflict: 3

The philosophical conflict is between the complexity of art and the simplicity of expression. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs about the value of art and the meaning behind it.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 4

The emotional impact is mild amusement and relief, but no deeper feelings are stirred.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue is witty and natural, with the 'complex' and 'speaks so much by saying so little' lines landing well, but it's brief and lacks subtext.

Engagement: 6.5

This scene is engaging because the shared relief at escaping the art gallery is relatable and funny, but it lacks tension to keep high interest.

Pacing: 7

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness because the quick cuts between paintings and reactions create a comedic rhythm, but it ends abruptly.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

Formatting is clean and standard, with clear CU and ANGLE ON cues. No issues.

Structure: 7

The structure is a classic three-beat scene: setup (looking at art), complication (pretending to understand), resolution (suggesting movies). It works for the genre.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the playful and light-hearted dynamic between Tom and Summer, showcasing their contrasting perspectives on art. However, the dialogue feels somewhat superficial and lacks depth. While the simplicity of their conversation mirrors the minimalist painting, it could benefit from more nuanced exchanges that reveal their personalities and beliefs more profoundly.
  • The use of close-ups on the paintings is a strong visual choice, but the descriptions of the paintings could be more vivid. Instead of simply stating that one painting is 'poop,' consider using more creative language that evokes a stronger emotional response or humor, enhancing the scene's overall tone.
  • The transition from discussing the paintings to the suggestion of going to the movies feels abrupt. While it serves to move the plot forward, it could be more seamlessly integrated. Adding a moment of reflection or a humorous comment about the absurdity of the third painting could create a smoother transition.
  • The scene lacks a clear emotional arc. While it establishes a connection between Tom and Summer, it doesn't build on any tension or conflict that could make their interaction more engaging. Introducing a moment of vulnerability or a deeper philosophical discussion about art and relationships could elevate the stakes and deepen their connection.
  • The pacing of the scene is relatively quick, which works for the light-hearted tone, but it may leave the audience wanting more substance. Consider allowing for longer pauses or reactions to the paintings, giving the characters time to express their thoughts and feelings more fully.
Suggestions
  • Enhance the dialogue by incorporating more personal insights or anecdotes related to the paintings, allowing Tom and Summer to reveal more about themselves and their views on life and relationships.
  • Use more descriptive language when referring to the paintings, especially the third one. Instead of simply calling it 'poop,' consider a more imaginative description that captures the absurdity and humor of the moment.
  • Create a smoother transition to the movie suggestion by adding a humorous or reflective comment about the experience of viewing the art, perhaps relating it to their own lives or the nature of relationships.
  • Introduce a moment of vulnerability or deeper philosophical discussion about art and its meaning, which could serve to heighten the emotional stakes and deepen the connection between Tom and Summer.
  • Consider varying the pacing by allowing for longer pauses or reactions to the paintings, giving the characters time to process their thoughts and feelings, which can create a more engaging and relatable interaction.



Scene 5 -  A Day of Architecture and Connection
EXT. MOVIE THEATER - LATER

The marquee reads “Part Vampire. Part Giant. ‘VAGIANT!’”


INT. MOVIE THEATER - CONT.

The theater is packed. Everyone is laughing and screaming and
throwing popcorn. Tom and Summer are having a great time.



(51)
EXT TRANSAMERICA BUILDING - DAY

Summer and Tom stand on San Francisco’s most interesting
street corner, where the ultra-modern Transamerica Building
stands next to the ancient Columbus Tower.

TOM
A lot of people have problems with
this, but to me, it makes both
structures so much more beautiful
side by side like that.


EXT PALACE OF FINE ARTS - DAY

Summer and Tom in front of the famed Roman-style structure.

TOM
The guy who made this, Maybeck, he
is a God.


EXT YERNA BUENA GARDEN - DAY

Summer and Tom sit on the steps which offers a stunning view
of the city’s architectural marvels.

TOM
It just makes you feel... peaceful.

They really do seem at peace.


EXT SONY METREON - DAY

Tom and Summer in front of the gargantuan mirrored building.
48.



TOM
No. See now, this is torture.

SUMMER
Why?

TOM
Over there, that’s St. Patrick’s
church. The beauty of St. Patrick’s
is its humility. With this giant
mirror thing deflecting all the
attention away, it’s too humble. No
one even knows it’s there.

SUMMER
How would you change it?

TOM
There’s a million things. First,
there’s no need for this much
glass. You could easily...

SUMMER
Show me.

TOM
What?

SUMMER
Don’t talk about it. Do it.

Summer gives him a pen from her purse and the underside of
her arm. Tom thinks about this. Then he starts to draw a
sketch on her skin. We catch her watching his face as he
draws. She’s attracted to his enthusiasm.

TOM
See this beam, it steps on the
landscape. But if we moved it...
just so...



(55)
EXT OFFICE BUILDING - DAY

Tom and Summer, who have ridden together to work, stand
outside the building.
49.



SUMMER
You wanna --

TOM
No you go first.

SUMMER
It doesn’t matter to me.

TOM
Whatever you want.

A CO-WORKER passes.

CO-WORKER
Hey Summer. Tom.

BOTH
(like nothing’s up)
Hey./ Hi.

Summer joins the co-worker and walks in.

SUMMER
(to Co-Worker)
So how’s it going?

She turns back to look at Tom on the way. She sticks out her
tongue to be cute. Co-Worker doesn’t see. Tom is crazy about
her.


INT OFFICE - LATER

Tom at his cubicle with the one architecture sketch. The
phone rings and he picks it up.

TOM
Hello?

SUMMER (V.O.)
I remember!


INT COPY ROOM - DAY

Summer is on her cell phone in the office copy room. She
begins to sing the theme song to “The A-Team.”

TOM (V.O.)
That’s it!
50.



McKenzie enters and sees her singing into the phone. Turns
without a word and leaves.


INT TOM’S CUBICLE - SAME

Tom listening to her sing. McKenzie comes over.

MCKENZIE
Your girl is losing it.

Tom is too wrapped up in the phone call to acknowledge him.
The smile on his face is the biggest we’ve seen yet.



(68)
Genres: ["Romance","Drama","Comedy"]

Summary Tom and Summer explore San Francisco's architectural landmarks, discussing their beauty and critiquing the Sony Metreon. Their bond deepens as Summer encourages Tom to express his creativity by drawing on her arm. The scene shifts to their workplace, where playful interactions with a co-worker highlight Tom's infatuation with Summer. The scene concludes with Tom smiling as he listens to Summer sing on the phone, emphasizing their growing connection.
Strengths
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Character development
  • Exploration of shared interests
Weaknesses
  • Low conflict level
  • Limited external action

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 6.5

This scene's primary job is to deepen the romantic bond between Tom and Summer through shared experiences and playful intimacy, which it does effectively with charming dialogue and visual metaphors. The biggest limiter is the lack of narrative tension or conflict—the scene is a montage of happy moments that, while sweet, doesn't advance the plot or challenge the characters, making it feel more like a highlight reel than a dramatic scene.


Story Content

Concept: 7

The concept of using architectural tours and a drawing-on-skin moment to symbolize connection is fresh and visually interesting, but it's a familiar romantic-comedy beat of 'falling in love through shared interests.'

Plot: 5

The plot is minimal—a series of vignettes showing Tom and Summer enjoying each other's company. There's no clear progression or obstacle, which weakens the narrative drive.

Originality: 7

The arm-drawing as a romantic gesture is original and authentic, but the overall 'montage of falling in love' is a familiar trope. Dialogue feels natural and unforced.


Character Development

Characters: 7.5

Tom's enthusiasm and architectural passion are well-demonstrated, and Summer's playful, independent nature shines through her challenge to 'show me.' However, their personalities remain consistent without new depth or conflict.

Character Changes: 2

Neither character undergoes a meaningful change; they remain in the same emotional state as at the start of the scene.

Internal Goal: 7

The protagonist's internal goal is to impress and connect with Summer through his passion for architecture and design. This reflects his desire for validation and understanding from her.

External Goal: 8

The protagonist's external goal is to showcase his creativity and vision to Summer by redesigning the buildings they visit. This reflects his desire to impress her with his talents.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 2

There is no significant conflict in this scene—the characters are in harmony, which makes it pleasant but dramatically flat.

Opposition: 1

There is no opposition in this scene; the characters are in complete agreement and harmony.

High Stakes: 1

Stakes are virtually nonexistent; the scene is about enjoyment and bonding, not risk or consequence.

Story Forward: 4

The scene advances the relationship but not the overall story—no new information, stakes, or turning points are introduced.

Unpredictability: 6.5

This scene is unpredictable because the arm-drawing moment is a fresh, tactile way to show connection, and the A-Team song callback is a quirky surprise.

Philosophical Conflict: 4

The philosophical conflict revolves around the protagonist's belief in the importance of humility and authenticity in architecture, contrasting with the modern, flashy designs he encounters.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The scene generates warmth and affection, especially during the arm-drawing moment, but lacks the emotional highs and lows that create lasting impact.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue is natural and charming, with Tom's architectural rants and Summer's teasing 'show me' creating a playful dynamic. The A-Team song callback is a nice touch, but some lines are exposition-heavy.

Engagement: 7

This scene is engaging because of the charming chemistry between Tom and Summer, the playful dialogue, and the unique arm-drawing moment that feels intimate and original.

Pacing: 7

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness because the quick cuts between locations mirror the giddy, fast-paced energy of new romance, but it can feel rushed and lacks breathing room.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

Formatting is clean and professional, with clear scene headings and action lines. The use of parentheticals and (V.O.) is standard and effective.

Structure: 5.5

The scene is structured as a montage of locations, which works for a romantic-comedy 'falling in love' sequence but lacks a clear dramatic arc or turning point.


Critique
  • The scene effectively showcases the growing connection between Tom and Summer through their shared appreciation for architecture, which serves as a metaphor for their relationship. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext; while Tom expresses his opinions on the buildings, there could be deeper emotional layers that reflect his feelings for Summer and their dynamic.
  • The transition between locations is somewhat abrupt. While it captures the essence of a day out, the scene could use smoother transitions or connective tissue to enhance the flow. For instance, adding brief moments of dialogue or action that link each location could create a more cohesive narrative.
  • The dialogue between Tom and Summer is engaging, but it occasionally feels expository. Instead of having Tom explain his architectural views in detail, consider showing his passion through actions or reactions that reveal his character without overtly stating his thoughts.
  • The introduction of the co-worker feels a bit forced. While it serves to highlight Tom's feelings for Summer, the interaction could be more organic. Perhaps the co-worker could comment on their chemistry or make a joke that reflects Tom's infatuation, adding humor and depth to the moment.
  • The scene ends with a phone call from Summer, which is a nice touch, but it could be more impactful if it tied back to the themes of connection and communication established earlier. Perhaps Tom could reflect on their day or express a desire to continue their conversation, reinforcing his feelings.
Suggestions
  • Incorporate more visual storytelling elements that reflect Tom's emotional state during the architectural discussions. For example, close-ups of his expressions or Summer's reactions could enhance the emotional weight of their interactions.
  • Consider adding a moment where Tom's enthusiasm for architecture leads to a playful or flirty exchange with Summer, showcasing their chemistry and deepening their connection.
  • Use the architecture as a metaphor for their relationship more explicitly. For instance, Tom could compare their dynamic to the juxtaposition of the old and new buildings, hinting at the challenges they face in understanding each other.
  • Enhance the co-worker's interaction by giving them a line that humorously acknowledges Tom's infatuation with Summer, adding a layer of social commentary on office romances.
  • End the scene with a stronger emotional beat, perhaps by having Tom express a thought about Summer that reveals his deeper feelings, setting up anticipation for their evolving relationship.



Scene 6 -  Playful Mishaps and Musical Debates
INT. SHOWER - LATER

We just see the curtain, but we can see their silhouettes
behind it. Summer and Tom are trying to have sex in the
shower. They’re trying to stable themselves, grip something
so as not to fall, elbows are flying, it’s a mess.

SUMMER
This is not at all as easy as it
looks.

TOM
Ow!

The curtain rips and the bar comes crashing down. They fall
on top of each other laughing.



(77)
INT VIRGIN MEGASTORE - NIGHT

Tom and Summer wander through the aisles.

TOM
There’s no way.

SUMMER
Why not?
51.



TOM
“Octopus’s Garden?” You may as well
just say “Piggies?”

SUMMER
I told you. I love Ringo.

TOM
You’re insane.

SUMMER
Why?

TOM
Cause nobody loves Ringo.

SUMMER
That’s what I love about him.
(beat)
Ooh.

Summer drags Tom into the curtained-off “Porn” section. She
picks up a box.

SUMMER
(flirtatious)
This got great reviews.
Genres: ["Romantic Comedy","Drama"]

Summary In this scene, Summer and Tom humorously struggle to have sex in the shower, leading to a comical fall when the shower curtain rips. Their playful chemistry continues as they transition to a Virgin Megastore, where they engage in a lighthearted debate about music, particularly Ringo Starr, before Summer playfully drags Tom into the porn section.
Strengths
  • Witty dialogue
  • Chemistry between characters
  • Playful interactions
Weaknesses
  • Lack of significant conflict
  • Low stakes

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 6.5

This scene's primary job is to deepen Tom and Summer's romantic connection through shared humor and intimacy, which it does effectively with charming, natural banter. The biggest limiter is the lack of narrative tension or conflict—the scene feels like a pleasant interlude rather than a story-driving moment, and adding a subtle undercurrent of their differing relationship philosophies would lift it.


Story Content

Concept: 7

The concept of showing a couple's early relationship through mundane, funny moments (shower sex failure, record store debate) is fresh and relatable, but not groundbreaking.

Plot: 5

The plot advances minimally—it shows their growing comfort and shared humor, but no major story progression or obstacle is introduced.

Originality: 7.5

The shower sex failure is a fresh take on intimacy scenes, and the Ringo debate feels authentic. The porn aisle setting adds unexpected humor.


Character Development

Characters: 7.5

Tom and Summer are consistent and charming; their personalities shine through playful dialogue. However, no new depth or change is revealed.

Character Changes: 1

Neither character undergoes significant change; they remain in the same emotional state as before.

Internal Goal: 6

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to connect with their partner on a deeper level and explore their relationship in a humorous and intimate way.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to have a fun and adventurous time with their partner, exploring new experiences and pushing boundaries.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 2

Conflict is minimal—only a playful disagreement about Ringo Starr, which is resolved quickly and without tension.

Opposition: 2

Opposition is minimal—only the physical difficulty of shower sex and a mild difference in music taste.

High Stakes: 1

Stakes are very low—no external pressure or consequence is present.

Story Forward: 4

The scene shows relationship progression but does not introduce new plot points or obstacles.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because the shower sex fails in a humorous, non-romantic way, and the record store debate takes an unexpected turn into the porn section.

Philosophical Conflict: 4

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the characters' differing opinions on music and personal preferences. It challenges their beliefs and values, highlighting their individuality and unique perspectives.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The scene evokes warmth and amusement, but lacks deeper emotional resonance or stakes.

Dialogue: 8.5

Dialogue is witty, natural, and reveals character—Summer's love for Ringo and Tom's playful exasperation feel authentic. No weak lines.

Engagement: 7

This scene is engaging because the dialogue is witty and the physical comedy of the shower is relatable and funny.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness because it moves quickly from one playful moment to the next, maintaining a light, breezy rhythm.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

Formatting is clean and professional, with clear scene headings and action lines. Minor note: 'stable themselves' should be 'steady themselves'.

Structure: 6

The scene has a clear two-part structure (shower mishap, then record store banter) but lacks a traditional setup/payoff or rising tension.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures a playful and humorous moment between Tom and Summer, showcasing their chemistry and the lighthearted nature of their relationship. The physical comedy of the shower mishap is relatable and adds a fun dynamic to their interaction.
  • However, the transition from the shower scene to the Virgin Megastore feels abrupt. While the humor continues, the shift in setting and tone could be smoother. A brief moment of reflection or dialogue could help bridge the two scenes, maintaining the flow of the narrative.
  • The dialogue in the Virgin Megastore is engaging and showcases the characters' personalities well. However, the reference to Ringo Starr and the playful banter could be expanded to deepen the conversation. This would not only enhance character development but also provide insight into their differing tastes in music, which can reflect their broader relationship dynamics.
  • The flirtatious nature of Summer dragging Tom into the porn section is a strong moment, but it could benefit from a bit more context or reaction from Tom. His response could add depth to his character and highlight his feelings about their playful yet provocative dynamic.
  • Overall, the scene is entertaining and captures the essence of Tom and Summer's relationship, but it could use a bit more depth in character interactions and smoother transitions to enhance the storytelling.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of dialogue or a visual cue that connects the end of the shower scene to the beginning of the Virgin Megastore scene, such as a shared laugh or a comment about the shower mishap.
  • Expand the dialogue about Ringo Starr to include more playful banter or a personal anecdote from Summer that reveals why she loves him, which could deepen their connection and provide insight into her character.
  • Include Tom's internal thoughts or reactions when Summer drags him into the porn section. This could add humor and complexity to his character, showing his comfort level with their playful relationship.
  • Explore the physicality of the characters more in the Virgin Megastore scene. For example, describe how they navigate the aisles together, their body language, or how they interact with the environment to enhance the visual storytelling.
  • Consider using a voiceover or a brief flashback to highlight a moment from Tom's past that relates to the current scene, adding emotional depth and context to their playful banter.



Scene 7 -  Unspoken Connections
INT. SUMMER’S APARTMENT - LATER

Tom and Summer get comfortable. Both are excited and looking
forward to this. The movie starts, the credits roll. Tom and
Summer start to make out a bit, both keeping an eye on the
TV.

CUT TO:


INT. SUMMER’S APARTMENT - 20 MINUTES LATER

Tom and Summer, watching the movie. Intently. They’ve even
got popcorn.

SUMMER
Is that... possible?


(79)
52.




INT SPORTS BAR - NIGHT

Tom, Mckenzie and Paul are having a drink.

PAUL
So what’s going on with you and
Summer?

TOM
I don’t know.

PAUL
Is she your girlfriend?

TOM
I wouldn’t say that.

MCKENZIE
What would you say?

TOM
Like, are we “going steady?” Come
on, guys. We’re adults.

PAUL
It’s not an unreasonable question.
Watch. McKenzie, do you have a
girlfriend?

MCKENZIE
No I do not. In fact girls are
repulsed by me. Paul, how about
you?

PAUL
Why yes, in fact I do. Her name is
Robyn. See Tom, it’s easy.

TOM
It is when you’ve been with the
same girl since high school.

PAUL
You’ve been “seeing” this girl,
what, two months now?

TOM
Something like that.

PAUL
And you haven’t discussed it?
53.



TOM
No! She’s not... We’re not like
that.

PAUL
Like what?

MCKENZIE
Normal.

TOM
We’ve just been... hanging out.

PAUL
Hanging out?!

TOM
Yeah. Guys, look, Summer and I...we
know how we feel. We don’t need to
label it. “Boyfriend, girlfriend.”
That stuff is very... juvenile.

Beat.

MCKENZIE
You’re so gay.

PAUL
Well let me ask you this then. Do
you want her to be your girlfriend?

Tom takes a second to think about this.

TOM
I don’t know... Maybe.

MCKENZIE
I heard her Hansen. She’s not the
girlfriend type. You’re gonna need
to discuss it.

TOM
No. We’re adults. It’ll be fine.

MCKENZIE
Have you made her a CD yet?

TOM
(beat)
Maybe.

MCKENZIE
Oh dude.
54.



PAUL
You really need to have that talk.


(80)
EXT FIELD - DAY

Rachel is playing field hockey on the 7th grade team. Tom is
watching from behind the players’ bench. A whistle blows and
Rachel comes back and sits down.

RACHEL
You were saying?

TOM
My thinking is... why rock the
boat? Things are going well. If we
start putting labels on it, that’s
like the kiss of death. Like saying
to a girl “I love you.”

RACHEL
I know what you mean. That’s what
happened with me and Sean.

TOM
Who the hell’s Sean?

RACHEL
My boyfriend before Mark.

TOM
Who the f--! Never mind. Help me. I
need solid female advice.

RACHEL
I’m 12.

TOM
Yeah but, you know me. This is the
kinda stuff that always gets me in
trouble.
55.



RACHEL
Hmm. So, basically you do want to
ask the question, ‘are we
boyfriend/girlfriend?’ You’re just
afraid you’ll get an answer you
don’t want and that will shatter
your illusions of how good
everything’s been these past few
months. Is that about right?

TOM
(beat)
Something like that.

RACHEL
Thomas, tell me this. Is it worse
to get the wrong answer now... or
find out in a month she has a date
coming up with Lars from Norway?

TOM
Who’s Lars?

RACHEL
He’s a professional surfer with
Brad Pitt’s face and Jesus’s abs.

TOM
That son of a bitch.

RACHEL
You see what I mean?

The whistle blows again and Rachel gets up to go back on the
field.

RACHEL
Later dude.

TOM
Coach, no, wait! I need her.
(shouting to Rachel)
Rachel, what do you think I should
do?

RACHEL
(calling back)
Just don’t be a pussy.

On Tom, we:

CUT TO:
56.




INT TOM’S CAR - THAT NIGHT

Tom and Summer driving on the Golden Gate. Tom is very
conflicted and we can see it in his face. They’re silent a
few beats, before:

SUMMER
Hi.

TOM
Hi.

SUMMER
Are you ok?

TOM
Yeah.

SUMMER
You sure?

He’s not. He clenches his teeth. And begins...

TOM
Summer, I’ve gotta ask you
something.

SUMMER
Ok.

He takes a deep breath. He’s about to go on when:

SUMMER
Wait!

Summer finds on the radio a particular song. (”Waiting in
Vain” by Bob Marley, if you must know.)

SUMMER
Whoa. Oh my god. We can’t talk
during this song. It’s too
beautiful.

And it is. Tom’s hand is on the gear shift. She puts hers
there and locks it with his. Tom listens and Tom watches
Summer listening. There’s something about this moment, the
way she sings along, the way her eyes close during certain
notes, the way her smile rises and falls like she could cry
at any minute from being overwhelmingly happy or just simply
overwhelmed. Tom is powerless to stop his feelings for this
girl.
57.



Marley sings:

B.M.
“In life I know there’s lots of
grief/ but your love is my relief.”

We know, as well as he does: he will ask nothing tonight.


(172)
INT PARTY - NIGHT

Tom and Summer are in a LARGE CIRCLE OF PEOPLE at a party.
TIME CUTS reveal that Summer is talking with, laughing with,
drinking with, and possibly flirting with many of them. Tom
notices, smiles, pretends it doesn’t mean anything, but he’s
clearly jealous, not in a sexual way but of the attention
they’re getting from her. It’s been a while. He misses that
attention.

CUT TO:


(272-286)
Genres: ["Romance","Drama","Comedy"]

Summary Tom and Summer share an intimate evening at her apartment, enjoying a movie that deepens their bond. However, Tom grapples with uncertainty about their relationship status, leading to discussions with friends at a sports bar and advice from his sister Rachel about his fears of labeling their connection. As Tom drives with Summer, he hesitates to confront the relationship's definition, ultimately choosing to let the moment pass while a meaningful song plays, highlighting their unspoken feelings.
Strengths
  • Strong character development
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Emotional depth
Weaknesses
  • Low external conflict
  • Limited action

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 6.8

This scene's primary job is to dramatize Tom's internal conflict about defining his relationship with Summer, and it lands well through the bar debate, Rachel's blunt wisdom, and the song-stalled confession. The single biggest limiter is that the scene feels structurally padded—the bar conversation and the field-hockey interlude could be tightened, and the party snippet at the end is too brief to earn its place, which slightly dilutes the emotional momentum built in the car.


Story Content

Concept: 7

The concept of a man afraid to label a relationship, advised by his preteen sister, is fresh and authentic. The song interruption as a deliberate avoidance device is clever. However, the 'will he/won't he ask' premise is familiar rom-com territory.

Plot: 6.5

The plot moves from Tom's avoidance with friends, to his sister's insight, to a near-confession derailed by music. The sequence is logical but the party scene at the end feels like a fragment rather than a full beat.

Originality: 6.5

The use of a preteen sister as a relationship advisor is fresh. The song interruption is a familiar trope but executed with genuine feeling. The bar banter is standard but well-written.


Character Development

Characters: 7.5

Tom's conflict is clear and relatable; Rachel is a standout—wise beyond her years without being precocious. Summer remains somewhat opaque (intentionally), but the scene relies on her being a catalyst rather than a full character.

Character Changes: 2

Tom does not change significantly—he ends still avoiding the question. Rachel's advice plants a seed, but no transformation occurs. The scene is more about reinforcing his stasis.

Internal Goal: 8

Tom's internal goal is to navigate his feelings for Summer and define their relationship without compromising their current dynamic. He struggles with the fear of rejection and the uncertainty of their relationship status.

External Goal: 7

Tom's external goal is to maintain a casual relationship with Summer without the need for labels or commitment. He wants to avoid confrontation and potential rejection.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

The central conflict is internal (Tom vs. his own fear) and external (the pressure from friends and the looming need to define the relationship). The conflict is moderate—no shouting, but real stakes.

Opposition: 5

The opposition is primarily internal (Tom's fear) and social (friends' pressure, Summer's ambiguous signals). No clear antagonist, but the situation itself opposes Tom's desire.

High Stakes: 5.5

The stakes are emotional—Tom risks losing Summer or his own illusions. They are personal, not life-or-death, but feel real for the genre.

Story Forward: 5

The scene advances the story by clarifying Tom's fear and setting up the need for a confrontation. The party snippet hints at jealousy, but the main plot (the talk) is deferred.

Unpredictability: 6.5

This scene is unpredictable because the advice comes from a 12-year-old, and the confession is derailed by a song rather than a phone call or interruption. The party snippet is too brief to be surprising.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict revolves around the idea of defining relationships and the importance of labels in romantic connections. Tom and Summer have differing views on the necessity of defining their relationship, reflecting their individual values and beliefs.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The car scene with the song is genuinely tender and creates a longing ache. The bar and field scenes are more cerebral. The emotional impact is strong in moments but uneven across the whole scene.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue is natural and witty, especially the bar banter ('You're so gay') and Rachel's bluntness ('Just don't be a pussy'). The song moment is a beautiful non-verbal dialogue. Some lines feel a bit on-the-nose (Rachel's diagnosis of Tom's fear).

Engagement: 7.5

This scene is engaging because the dialogue is sharp, Rachel is a delightful surprise, and the car moment with the song is emotionally resonant. The reader wants to know if Tom will ever ask.

Pacing: 7

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness because the bar scene is quick and funny, the field scene slows for reflection, the car scene builds tension, and the party snippet feels rushed. The rhythm is good until the final fragment.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

Formatting is clean and professional. Scene headings are clear, action lines are concise. The use of CUT TO and TIME CUTS is standard. No errors.

Structure: 6.5

The scene uses a multi-location structure (bar, field, car, party) that mirrors Tom's scattered thoughts. The song interruption is a classic 'beat' that delays resolution. The party snippet feels tacked on rather than integrated.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures Tom's internal conflict regarding his relationship with Summer, showcasing his uncertainty about labels and commitment. However, the dialogue can feel a bit expository at times, particularly when Tom explains his feelings to his friends. This could be streamlined to maintain a more natural flow.
  • The transition between the intimate moment with Summer and the conversation at the sports bar is somewhat abrupt. While it serves to contrast Tom's private feelings with his public persona, it could benefit from a smoother segue that maintains the emotional continuity.
  • Rachel's character provides a humorous and insightful perspective, but her age (12) may undermine the weight of her advice. It might be more impactful if she were slightly older or if her wisdom was framed in a way that feels more authentic to her character.
  • The dialogue among Tom, Mckenzie, and Paul is engaging, but it risks becoming too comedic and detracting from the emotional stakes of Tom's situation. Balancing humor with the seriousness of Tom's feelings could enhance the scene's depth.
  • The use of the song 'Waiting in Vain' is a strong choice, as it encapsulates Tom's emotional turmoil. However, the moment could be expanded to allow for more visual storytelling, such as close-ups of Tom's expressions or Summer's reactions, to heighten the emotional impact.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of reflection for Tom after the conversation with his friends, allowing him to process their advice before transitioning to the car scene with Summer. This could deepen the emotional resonance.
  • Incorporate more physicality in the scene with Tom and Summer, such as subtle gestures or expressions that convey their chemistry and tension, especially during the movie-watching moment.
  • Revise Rachel's dialogue to make her advice feel more relatable and impactful, perhaps by drawing from her own experiences in a way that resonates with Tom's situation.
  • Explore the possibility of intercutting between Tom's conversation with his friends and his moments with Summer to create a more dynamic contrast between his public and private selves.
  • Enhance the car scene by allowing Tom to express his feelings more openly before the song interrupts, creating a stronger sense of anticipation and emotional weight leading into the music.



Scene 8 -  Self-Help and Ice Cream
INT. BOOKSTORE - DAY

Tom, starting to get that unshaven, unkempt look, wanders
through the self-help section. He leafs through some of the
titles. He grabs just about every one of them.


INT. APARTMENT - LATER

Tom has more than fifty self-help books on a shelf by his
bed. He reads from one called “Six Steps to Getting Over
Him.”

TOM (V.O.)
“So he broke your heart. You’ve
been sad and depressed for weeks.
Perhaps you’ve turned to drinking
or even drugs. And nothing’s
helped. Now what? Should you binge
on rocky road and watch soaps all
day?”

SECONDS LATER. Tom sits in his bed eating ice cream. He
continues to read.
58.



TOM (V.O.)
“No you should not.”

He slowly puts the ice cream down.

TOM (V.O.)
“Through extensive research, we
have found the six most effective
ways to get over that lost love and
make room in your heart for a new
man to fill. Those steps are:”
Genres: ["Romance","Comedy","Drama"]

Summary In a humorous yet melancholic scene, Tom, looking disheveled, browses the self-help section of a bookstore and collects over fifty books on coping with heartbreak. Back in his apartment, he reads 'Six Steps to Getting Over Him,' reflecting on the advice while ironically indulging in ice cream, particularly critiquing the suggestion to avoid binge eating. The scene captures Tom's internal struggle with heartbreak, blending humor and sadness as he prepares to confront his emotions.
Strengths
  • Humor
  • Vulnerability
  • Character Development
Weaknesses
  • Low External Conflict
  • Limited Interaction with Other Characters

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 5.5

This scene's primary job is to show Tom's emotional low point after the breakup, using self-help books as a vehicle for his despair. The biggest limiter is that the scene feels static and lacks forward momentum, relying on a single joke that is repeated without escalation, which would be lifted by introducing a new action or interaction that complicates his wallowing.


Story Content

Concept: 6

The concept of a heartbroken man reading a self-help book for women is a fresh, ironic take on the post-breakup montage, but it's executed as a one-note gag without deeper exploration.

Plot: 4

The plot is minimal: Tom buys books, reads one, and puts down ice cream. There is no progression or obstacle, making it feel like a static beat rather than a scene that advances the story.

Originality: 5

The use of a female-oriented self-help book for a male protagonist is a fresh angle, but the execution (reading, eating ice cream) is a standard trope.


Character Development

Characters: 5.5

Tom's character is shown in a vulnerable, self-destructive state, which is consistent with his arc, but the scene doesn't reveal new facets or challenge him; he remains passive.

Character Changes: 1

Tom does not change within the scene; he remains in the same state of despair from start to finish.

Internal Goal: 6

Tom's internal goal in this scene is to overcome his heartbreak and move on from a past relationship. This reflects his deeper need for emotional healing and his desire to find happiness and love again.

External Goal: 3

Tom's external goal in this scene is to follow the steps outlined in the self-help book to get over his lost love. This reflects the immediate challenge he is facing in dealing with his heartbreak.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 3

The conflict is internal (Tom vs. his own grief), but it's presented as passive acceptance rather than active struggle, reducing dramatic tension.

Opposition: 2

The opposition is internal (Tom's own grief and inertia) and is not personified or actively challenged, making it feel weak.

High Stakes: 3

The stakes are emotional (Tom's recovery), but they feel low because the scene shows him wallowing without any immediate consequence or deadline.

Story Forward: 2

The scene confirms Tom's post-breakup depression but does not introduce new information, decisions, or events that propel the narrative forward.

Unpredictability: 4

This scene is unpredictable because the choice of a book aimed at women is a surprising detail, but the overall beat of a heartbroken person reading self-help is familiar.

Philosophical Conflict: 3

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is between self-help advice and personal emotions. Tom is torn between following the steps in the book and his own feelings of sadness and longing. This challenges his beliefs about how to heal from heartbreak.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 4.5

The scene evokes sympathy for Tom's pain, but the humor of the book's tone undercuts the emotional depth, leaving the audience feeling distant rather than deeply moved.

Dialogue: 5

The voiceover from the self-help book is well-chosen and tonally appropriate, but it's the only dialogue, and it lacks the natural back-and-forth that would create tension or reveal character.

Engagement: 5

This scene is engaging because the ironic contrast between Tom's situation and the book's chirpy tone creates a darkly humorous moment, but the lack of progression limits sustained interest.

Pacing: 5.5

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness because the slow, deliberate actions (wandering, leafing, reading) mirror Tom's lethargy, but it risks becoming monotonous.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

Formatting is standard and clean, with clear scene headings and action lines, though the voiceover is properly indicated.

Structure: 4

The scene has a simple two-location structure (bookstore, apartment) with a voiceover, but it lacks a clear turning point or escalation, making it feel like a vignette rather than a structured scene.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures Tom's emotional state following his breakup with Summer, using humor to convey his struggle with heartbreak. The juxtaposition of self-help literature and Tom's actions (eating ice cream) creates a relatable and comedic moment that resonates with the audience.
  • The voiceover is a strong narrative device that allows the audience to hear Tom's internal thoughts, adding depth to his character. However, the transition from the bookstore to his apartment could be smoother to maintain the flow of the scene.
  • The use of the self-help book as a prop is clever, as it symbolizes Tom's attempt to cope with his feelings. However, the specific advice from the book could be more engaging or humorous to enhance the comedic effect. The current advice feels generic and could benefit from a more unique or absurd twist.
  • The visual elements of Tom's unkempt appearance and the clutter of self-help books effectively illustrate his emotional turmoil. However, the scene could include more visual humor or physical comedy to complement the voiceover, making it more dynamic.
  • The pacing of the scene is generally good, but it could be tightened by reducing some of the exposition in the voiceover. Instead of listing the steps, it might be more impactful to focus on one or two humorous points that highlight Tom's state of mind.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a humorous interaction with a bookstore employee or another customer to provide contrast to Tom's solitary experience and enhance the comedic tone.
  • Incorporate more specific and absurd advice from the self-help book that reflects Tom's unique personality or situation, making it more memorable and entertaining.
  • Experiment with visual gags, such as Tom's exaggerated reactions to the advice or the absurdity of the self-help titles he picks up, to create a more engaging visual narrative.
  • Smooth out the transition between the bookstore and the apartment by using a visual cue, such as a montage of Tom's journey home with the books, to maintain the scene's momentum.
  • Consider ending the scene with a more definitive action or realization from Tom, perhaps a humorous moment of clarity or a decision that propels him into the next scene, rather than just reading the book.



Scene 9 -  Running Against the Current
EXT. STREET - DAY

Tom jogs.

TOM (V.O.)
“One. Exercise. The body’s release
of endorphins will assuage the
brain and provide a genuine sense
of accomplishment and success.”

Cars pass him at top speed. Bicycles breeze by him. A child
on a big wheel soars past. He may as well be jogging in
place.
Genres: ["Romance","Drama","Comedy"]

Summary Tom jogs on a busy street, reflecting on the emotional benefits of exercise through a voiceover. Despite his efforts, he feels outpaced by the fast-moving cars and pedestrians, highlighting his internal struggle with feelings of inadequacy. The scene captures his introspective and melancholic tone as he grapples with his slow progress amidst the bustling activity around him, ultimately continuing to jog without resolution.
Strengths
  • Humorous tone
  • Reflective insights into character
  • Playful interactions with the environment
Weaknesses
  • Lack of external conflict
  • Minimal dialogue

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 5.5

This scene's primary job is to dramatize Tom's attempt to follow self-help advice and show his emotional stagnation through a visual metaphor. It lands the metaphor effectively, but the scene is extremely brief and lacks any dialogue or interaction, limiting its depth and emotional impact. The biggest limiter is its brevity and lack of narrative progression, which makes it feel more like a transitional beat than a fully realized scene.


Story Content

Concept: 6

The concept of showing Tom exercising as a literal attempt to follow self-help advice is clear and thematically relevant, but it's a simple execution of a common trope.

Plot: 3

The plot barely advances; it's a single action (jogging) that illustrates his state of mind but doesn't introduce new events or conflicts.

Originality: 6.5

The visual of a child on a big wheel outpacing a jogging adult is a fresh take on the 'stuck in place' metaphor, though the self-help voiceover is familiar.


Character Development

Characters: 5

Tom is shown as determined but futile, which aligns with his arc, but there's no new character development or interaction.

Character Changes: 1

Tom does not change in this scene; he remains in the same emotional state as before.

Internal Goal: 7

Tom's internal goal in this scene is to find a sense of accomplishment and success through exercise. This reflects his deeper need for validation and self-worth, as well as his desire to escape from his own thoughts and emotions.

External Goal: 6

Tom's external goal in this scene is to maintain his physical fitness and health through jogging. This reflects the immediate challenge of staying active in a busy urban environment.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 4

The conflict is internal—Tom vs. his own emotional stagnation—but it's not dramatized beyond the visual metaphor.

Opposition: 3

The opposition is the external world's speed and the internal resistance to healing, but it's not personified or active.

High Stakes: 3

The stakes are low—Tom's emotional recovery is at stake, but the scene doesn't raise the tension.

Story Forward: 3

The scene shows Tom's attempt to cope, but it doesn't move the plot forward in terms of events or decisions.

Unpredictability: 6

This scene is unpredictable because the exaggerated speed of the surroundings compared to Tom's jogging is a humorous and unexpected visual twist.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

There is a philosophical conflict between Tom's belief in the benefits of exercise for mental health and the chaotic, fast-paced world around him that seems to undermine his efforts. This challenges his values and worldview by questioning the effectiveness of his chosen coping mechanism.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 5

The scene evokes mild sympathy and a sense of futility, but the brevity prevents a strong emotional punch.

Dialogue: 4

There is no dialogue, only voiceover from the self-help book, which is functional but limits character interaction.

Engagement: 5.5

This scene is engaging because the visual metaphor of being outpaced is clever and relatable, but the lack of dialogue or action limits sustained interest.

Pacing: 6

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness because the quick cuts of passing vehicles mirror the book's advice, but the scene ends too abruptly.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting is clean and standard, with clear action lines and voiceover notation.

Structure: 4

The scene is a single-shot montage-like beat with voiceover, fitting for a romantic comedy but lacking a traditional three-act structure.


Critique
  • The voiceover effectively sets the tone for Tom's internal struggle and his attempt to cope with heartbreak through exercise. However, the juxtaposition of his motivational thoughts with the visual of him being outpaced by faster-moving objects creates a humorous yet poignant contrast that highlights his feelings of inadequacy. This is a strong thematic element, but it could be enhanced by incorporating more sensory details about the environment to deepen the audience's connection to Tom's experience.
  • The scene's pacing feels slightly off; while the voiceover is reflective, the visuals of Tom jogging could benefit from a more dynamic approach. For instance, including moments where Tom interacts with his surroundings or other joggers could add layers to his character and make the scene feel more engaging.
  • The use of a child on a big wheel as a visual metaphor for Tom's stagnation is clever, but it might be more impactful if it were tied into Tom's thoughts or memories. Perhaps he could recall a moment from his childhood that relates to the theme of feeling left behind, which would add emotional depth to the scene.
  • The scene lacks a clear emotional arc. While it starts with Tom's voiceover about the benefits of exercise, it doesn't evolve beyond that. Consider introducing a moment of realization or a shift in Tom's mindset as he jogs, which could provide a more satisfying emotional payoff.
  • The dialogue is entirely in voiceover, which can be effective, but it might be beneficial to include some external dialogue or interactions with passersby to break up the monologue and create a more immersive experience for the audience.
Suggestions
  • Incorporate more sensory details about the environment, such as the sounds of the city, the feeling of the pavement under Tom's feet, or the weather conditions, to create a richer atmosphere.
  • Add moments where Tom interacts with other joggers or pedestrians, which could provide opportunities for humor or insight into his character, making the scene feel more lively.
  • Consider tying the visual of the child on the big wheel into Tom's memories or thoughts, perhaps reflecting on a time when he felt more carefree or successful, to deepen the emotional resonance.
  • Introduce a moment of realization or a shift in Tom's mindset during the jog, perhaps triggered by something he sees or experiences, to give the scene a more defined emotional arc.
  • Include brief external dialogue or interactions with others to break up the voiceover and create a more dynamic and engaging scene.



Scene 10 -  Struggling for Serenity
INT. YOGA CENTER - NIGHT

Tom is taking a yoga class.

TOM (V.O.)
“Two. Physical and Mental
relaxation. Channel all of your
energies to the core of your being
for a new understanding of the self
and others.”

This shit is really fucking hard when you’re as inflexible as
Tom. Everyone else in the class seems at peace. Tom can’t
even get the breathing right.
Genres: ["Romantic Comedy","Drama"]

Summary In a nighttime yoga class, Tom grapples with his inflexibility and the pressure to achieve relaxation, feeling frustrated and self-critical as he struggles to keep up with the calm and centered participants around him. His internal monologue reveals his conflict between the goals of yoga and his own limitations, leaving him still wrestling with his inability to find peace by the end of the scene.
Strengths
  • Humorous portrayal of Tom's struggles
  • Adds depth to Tom's character
Weaknesses
  • Limited connection to the main plot
  • Low stakes

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 5.5

This scene's primary job is to show Tom's continued, awkward efforts to move on from Summer through a new self-improvement activity, landing the humor of his inflexibility but lacking any significant plot or character development. The single biggest limiter is the scene's brevity and lack of conflict or change, making it feel like a transitional beat rather than a full scene; expanding it with a specific obstacle or interaction would lift it.


Story Content

Concept: 6.5

The concept of using yoga as a metaphor for Tom's emotional inflexibility is clever and fits the film's tone, but it's executed in a very brief, surface-level way without deeper exploration.

Plot: 4

The scene advances the plot minimally—it shows Tom trying another method to get over Summer, but no new information or event occurs that changes the trajectory.

Originality: 6.5

The scene offers a fresh take on the 'trying to get over someone' trope by using yoga as a specific, humorous metaphor, and the voiceover from a self-help book adds authenticity to Tom's desperate attempts.


Character Development

Characters: 5

Tom's character is consistent—frustrated and struggling—but we learn nothing new about him; the other characters are faceless and serve only as contrast.

Character Changes: 1

Tom does not change in this scene; he remains in the same frustrated state as before.

Internal Goal: 6

Tom's internal goal in this scene is to achieve physical and mental relaxation, as indicated by the voice-over dialogue. This reflects his deeper need for self-understanding and peace.

External Goal: 5

Tom's external goal in this scene is to successfully complete the yoga class despite his physical limitations. This reflects the immediate challenge he is facing in the class.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 3

The conflict is internal—Tom vs. his own inflexibility—but it's low-stakes and lacks an external antagonist or obstacle.

Opposition: 3

The opposition is Tom's own physical inflexibility and the gap between his expectations and reality, which is mild and internal.

High Stakes: 2

The stakes are low—Tom's personal comfort and progress—with no immediate consequence if he fails at yoga.

Story Forward: 3

The scene shows Tom continuing his post-breakup routine but doesn't introduce a new obstacle, decision, or revelation that moves the story forward.

Unpredictability: 6

This scene is unpredictable because the specific image of Tom failing at yoga after self-help books is a fresh, specific beat, though the overall pattern of his failed attempts is familiar.

Philosophical Conflict: 5

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between Tom's struggle with his own limitations and the peaceful environment of the yoga class. This challenges his beliefs about self-improvement and acceptance.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 4

The humor of Tom's struggle creates mild amusement, but the emotional impact is shallow because the scene is too brief to build empathy or tension.

Dialogue: 3

There is no dialogue between characters; the only 'dialogue' is Tom's voiceover reading from a book, which is functional but not dynamic.

Engagement: 5.5

This scene is engaging because the humor of Tom's physical struggle is relatable and the voiceover adds a wry commentary, but the brevity limits sustained interest.

Pacing: 6

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness because it's quick and punchy, delivering the joke without overstaying, but it feels rushed and could benefit from a longer moment to breathe.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

Formatting is clean and standard, with clear voiceover notation and descriptive action lines, though the scene is very short.

Structure: 5

The scene is a simple vignette with a setup (Tom in class), conflict (his struggle), and a punchline (his failure), fitting a comedic beat but lacking a traditional three-act structure.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures Tom's internal struggle with yoga, mirroring his emotional state. The voiceover provides insight into his thoughts, but it could benefit from more specificity about what he finds challenging about yoga, which would deepen the audience's connection to his character.
  • The contrast between Tom's experience and that of his classmates is clear, but the scene could be enhanced by including more sensory details. Describing the atmosphere of the yoga class—such as the calming music, the scent of incense, or the serene expressions of other participants—would heighten the sense of Tom's discomfort and isolation.
  • The humor in Tom's frustration is a strong point, but it could be amplified by incorporating more physical comedy. For example, showing Tom struggling with specific poses or accidentally disrupting the class could add a visual layer to the humor, making it more engaging.
  • The voiceover feels somewhat generic and could be more personalized. Instead of a broad statement about yoga, Tom could reflect on his own life experiences or relationships that make this moment particularly challenging for him, adding depth to his character.
  • The transition from the previous scene to this one is somewhat abrupt. A smoother segue that connects Tom's jogging experience to his struggles in yoga could create a more cohesive narrative flow, emphasizing his ongoing battle with self-acceptance and emotional turmoil.
Suggestions
  • Add specific details about the yoga class environment to enhance the contrast between Tom's struggle and the tranquility of his classmates.
  • Incorporate more physical comedy by showing Tom's attempts at various poses, perhaps leading to humorous mishaps that highlight his inflexibility.
  • Personalize the voiceover to reflect Tom's unique perspective, perhaps by tying his yoga struggles to his feelings about his relationship with Summer or his overall emotional state.
  • Create a smoother transition from the previous scene by linking Tom's feelings of inadequacy while jogging to his struggles in yoga, reinforcing the theme of his emotional journey.
  • Consider adding a moment of realization or growth for Tom at the end of the scene, even if it's subtle, to provide a sense of progression in his character arc.



Scene 11 -  Reflections of Loneliness
INT. HOMELESS SHELTER - DAY

Tom feels good about himself as he gives out food to the
homeless.

TOM (V.O.)
“Three. Charity. Reach out! You are
not alone in your pain.”
59.



Next in line is a HOMELESS COUPLE holding hands. Tom spirits
immediately fall. Even these two somehow found each other.


INT SHOE STORE - DAY

Tom stands in the center of a fashionable ladies shoe store.

TOM (V.O.)
“Four. Shoe Shopping! Ladies...you
know you want to. Indulge!”

ANGLE ON TOM, just sorta standing there. Confused. He doesn’t
really want new shoes.
Genres: ["Romance","Drama","Comedy"]

Summary In this scene, Tom volunteers at a homeless shelter, feeling fulfilled as he distributes food. However, his spirits are dampened upon seeing a homeless couple holding hands, prompting him to reflect on his own loneliness. The scene shifts to a ladies' shoe store where Tom feels confused and out of place, realizing he doesn't truly want new shoes despite the voiceover encouraging indulgence. This internal struggle highlights his feelings of isolation and confusion about his desires, leaving him feeling disconnected and unsure.
Strengths
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Character development
  • Humorous moments
Weaknesses
  • Lack of high stakes
  • Some scenes may feel repetitive

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 5.5

This scene's primary job is to show Tom's misguided attempts to follow self-help advice, landing with clear comedic irony in the homeless shelter but falling flat in the shoe store due to lack of payoff. The single biggest limiter is the shoe store segment, which feels like a placeholder rather than a developed beat, and adding a specific, humorous interaction there would lift the overall score.


Story Content

Concept: 6.5

The concept of using self-help steps as scene structure is clever and fits the film's tone, but the execution is uneven—the charity step has a clear ironic punch, while the shoe shopping step lacks a strong comedic or dramatic conclusion.

Plot: 4.5

The plot advances Tom's post-breakup arc by showing his attempts to move on, but the scene is more a series of vignettes than a cohesive plot progression, with the shoe store beat feeling incomplete.

Originality: 6

The use of self-help steps as scene structure is a fresh take on the post-breakup montage, but the execution in the shoe store feels generic and lacks the authenticity of the shelter moment.


Character Development

Characters: 5.5

Tom's character is consistent—vulnerable, trying to heal, and prone to ironic disappointment—but the homeless couple and shoe store setting don't deepen him or introduce new facets.

Character Changes: 1

Tom doesn't change in this scene; he remains stuck in his post-breakup rut, which is the point, but it limits the scene's dynamic quality.

Internal Goal: 6

Tom's internal goal in this scene is to find fulfillment and purpose in his actions. He seeks validation and connection through his acts of charity, but also struggles with his own feelings of loneliness and confusion.

External Goal: 5

Tom's external goal is to provide food to the homeless and potentially find a sense of belonging or purpose in his actions.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 3

The conflict is internal—Tom's struggle to follow advice that doesn't fit his reality—but it's low-stakes and not dramatized beyond the visual irony.

Opposition: 2.5

The opposition is subtle—life itself (the homeless couple, the confusing shoe store) undermines Tom's efforts, but it's not personified or active.

High Stakes: 2

The stakes are low—Tom's emotional recovery is the underlying concern, but the scene doesn't raise the urgency or introduce consequences.

Story Forward: 3

The scene shows Tom's ongoing struggle but doesn't introduce new information or propel the narrative toward a turning point.

Unpredictability: 5

This scene is unpredictable because the self-help steps lead to unexpected outcomes (the homeless couple, Tom's confusion in the shoe store), but the shoe store beat is too vague to surprise.

Philosophical Conflict: 5

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between the values of selflessness and materialism. Tom's actions of charity and generosity clash with his lack of desire for material possessions.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 4

The homeless shelter moment has a small emotional punch (seeing the couple), but the shoe store is flat, diluting the overall impact.

Dialogue: 4

The dialogue is minimal, limited to voiceover from the self-help book, which works for the ironic tone but misses an opportunity for character interaction that could reveal more.

Engagement: 5

This scene is engaging because the ironic twist at the homeless shelter (the couple holding hands) creates a moment of recognition, but the shoe store segment loses momentum.

Pacing: 5

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness because the quick cut from shelter to shoe store mirrors Tom's restless attempts, but the shoe store lingers without payoff, slowing the rhythm.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 7

Formatting is standard and clear, with proper scene headings and voiceover notation, though the shoe store segment could benefit from more visual description to clarify Tom's confusion.

Structure: 4.5

The scene uses a two-part structure (charity, then shoe shopping) that mirrors the self-help steps, but the second part lacks a clear climax or resolution, weakening the overall structure for a romantic comedy.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures Tom's internal struggle with loneliness and his desire for connection, contrasting his charitable actions with his feelings of isolation. However, the transition between the homeless shelter and the shoe store feels abrupt and could benefit from a smoother narrative flow to maintain emotional continuity.
  • The voiceover provides insight into Tom's thoughts, but it could be more impactful if it included specific reflections on his feelings about the couple. This would deepen the audience's understanding of his emotional state and enhance the poignancy of the moment.
  • The imagery of Tom standing confused in the shoe store is a strong visual representation of his internal conflict, but it lacks a clear emotional arc. Expanding on his thoughts or feelings in this moment could create a more compelling narrative and allow the audience to connect with his experience.
  • The juxtaposition of charity and consumerism is interesting, but it could be further developed. Exploring Tom's thoughts on materialism versus emotional fulfillment could add depth to the scene and highlight his internal conflict more effectively.
  • The scene's tone shifts from a sense of purpose in the homeless shelter to confusion in the shoe store, which may leave the audience feeling disoriented. Establishing a clearer thematic connection between these two locations could enhance the overall coherence of the scene.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment where Tom reflects on the couple's relationship before transitioning to the shoe store. This could provide a stronger emotional anchor and enhance the impact of his feelings of loneliness.
  • Incorporate more specific thoughts in Tom's voiceover while he is in the shoe store. For example, he could reflect on his own desires for connection or how material possessions fail to fill the void he feels.
  • To improve the transition between the two locations, consider using a visual or auditory cue, such as the sound of a bell ringing as he leaves the shelter, which could symbolize his shift from altruism to consumerism.
  • Explore the theme of consumerism versus emotional fulfillment more deeply. Perhaps Tom could have a moment of realization about the futility of shopping as a means of coping with his loneliness, which would add depth to his character development.
  • Ensure that the emotional tone remains consistent throughout the scene. You might want to emphasize Tom's confusion in the shoe store with more physicality or visual cues, such as him fidgeting or looking at his phone, to convey his discomfort more vividly.



Scene 12 -  Beauty and Peril in the Wilderness
EXT. FOREST - DAY

Tom backpacks alone in the forest.

TOM (V.O.)
“Five. Travel. Take some time to
see another environment. Get
perspective. It’s a beautiful
world. It will be for you again
someday.”

This is it, he’s finally found some peace. Tom looks up to
the tops of the trees where the sunlight is peeking in and
takes a deep breath.

FREEZE ON TOM.

INFORMATION BUBBLES pop up on the screen to point out that
Tom is standing in POISON OAK. There’s a RUSTY BEAR TRAP a
step ahead of him. A giant POISONOUS SNAKE creeping up
behind him. A TICK on his leg. And in the distance a HUNTER
has Tom sized up in his rifle sight.

UNFREEZE.

Tom starts to itch...
Genres: ["Drama","Romance","Comedy"]

Summary Tom, backpacking alone in a forest, reflects on the beauty of nature and the importance of travel for gaining perspective. While he finds peace in his surroundings, the scene reveals hidden dangers that threaten his safety, including poison oak, a rusty bear trap, a poisonous snake, a tick on his leg, and a hunter aiming at him. The tone shifts from serene to tense as Tom's voiceover contrasts his appreciation for the world with the imminent threats. The visual highlights these dangers through information bubbles, culminating in Tom starting to itch, signaling the beginning of his troubles.
Strengths
  • Effective blend of humor and reflection
  • Character development through adversity
  • Engaging dialogue and themes
Weaknesses
  • Low external conflict
  • Limited plot progression

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 6.2

The scene's job is to show Tom's attempt to follow self-help advice by seeking perspective in nature, and it lands the humor and irony effectively through the visual gags. The biggest limiter is that it's a brief, self-contained moment that doesn't advance the plot or deepen character beyond the joke, so it feels like a filler beat rather than a turning point.


Story Content

Concept: 7

The concept of using information bubbles to highlight dangers is fresh and visually comedic, but it's a one-note gag that doesn't build on the established narrative.

Plot: 5

The scene is a standalone moment in Tom's recovery arc, showing his attempt to follow advice, but it doesn't introduce new conflicts or advance the story.

Originality: 7

The use of information bubbles is original and fresh, but the overall situation of a character seeking peace in nature is familiar.


Character Development

Characters: 5.5

Tom's character is shown as earnest but hapless, but the scene doesn't reveal new dimensions; the humor comes from the situation, not his choices.

Character Changes: 1

Tom doesn't change; he's just in a moment of attempted peace that's comically interrupted.

Internal Goal: 6

Tom's internal goal in this scene is to find peace and perspective in nature.

External Goal: 5

Tom's external goal is to survive the dangerous situation he finds himself in.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 3

The conflict is minimal—Tom vs. nature—and played for laughs, not tension.

Opposition: 3

The opposition is nature itself, but it's presented as absurd and comedic rather than a real threat.

High Stakes: 2

The stakes are low—Tom's comfort and safety—and played for comedy.

Story Forward: 2

The scene doesn't move the plot; it's a vignette that could be cut without affecting the narrative.

Unpredictability: 7.5

This scene is unpredictable because the information bubbles are a surprising comedic device, subverting the expected peaceful moment.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between the beauty and danger of nature, challenging Tom's beliefs about finding peace in the environment.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 4

The scene evokes a wry smile but not deep emotion; the humor undercuts any pathos.

Dialogue: 4

The only dialogue is Tom's voiceover, which is functional but not distinctive; the humor is visual, not verbal.

Engagement: 6.5

This scene is engaging because the visual gags are funny and unexpected, but the engagement is brief and doesn't carry emotional weight.

Pacing: 7

The pacing is quick, with the freeze frame and bubbles creating a rapid-fire comedic rhythm, but it feels like a short interlude.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting is clear, with the freeze frame and information bubbles as visual directions that are easy to follow.

Structure: 7

The scene is a single beat with a setup (Tom's peace) and a punchline (the dangers), fitting a comedic vignette structure.


Critique
  • The scene effectively contrasts Tom's search for peace and perspective with the comedic and dangerous realities of his surroundings. This juxtaposition creates a humorous tension that can engage the audience.
  • The use of voiceover is a strong choice, as it allows Tom's internal thoughts to be expressed while simultaneously showcasing the irony of his situation. However, the voiceover could be more impactful if it included a hint of Tom's emotional state, perhaps reflecting his underlying anxiety or fear, which would deepen the audience's connection to his character.
  • The freeze-frame technique with information bubbles is a creative visual choice that adds humor and emphasizes the dangers surrounding Tom. However, it may come off as slightly gimmicky if not executed with care. The bubbles should be concise and witty to maintain the scene's tone without detracting from the narrative flow.
  • The transition from the peaceful imagery of nature to the chaotic dangers is effective, but the pacing could be improved. The scene might benefit from a more gradual build-up to the reveal of the dangers, allowing the audience to fully absorb Tom's moment of peace before the comedic twist.
  • The ending, where Tom starts to itch, is a humorous and relatable moment, but it could be enhanced by showing his immediate reaction to the itch, perhaps leading to a comedic panic or realization of his surroundings. This would provide a stronger punchline and a more dynamic conclusion to the scene.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of reflection in Tom's voiceover that hints at his emotional struggles, which would create a deeper connection with the audience.
  • Ensure that the information bubbles are witty and concise, maintaining the comedic tone without feeling overly distracting or gimmicky.
  • Experiment with the pacing of the scene by allowing more time for Tom's peaceful moment before introducing the dangers, creating a stronger contrast.
  • Enhance the comedic impact of the scene's conclusion by showing Tom's immediate reaction to the itch, possibly leading to a humorous realization of his precarious situation.
  • Explore the possibility of incorporating more visual gags or physical comedy as Tom interacts with his environment, which could further emphasize the absurdity of his situation.



Scene 13 -  A Mural of Misunderstanding
INT. APARTMENT - LATER

Tom is painting the walls of his now nearly bare apartment.

TOM (V.O.)
“Six. Redecorate. Start anew.”

He’s focused on his task and in fact seems pretty good at it.
60.



TOM (V.O.)
“By taking these few steps, you
will have discovered your inner
strength and should be ready to
move on. I bet you can hardly
remember his face at all.”

We pull back to REVEAL Tom has painted a giant mural of
Summer on his wall. He looks at the self-help book and
dropkicks it.



(145)
INT CROWDED BAR - NIGHT

Summer and Tom stand by the bar.

TOM
I just don’t get women’s fashion
nowadays. Everybody with the
tattoos, the giant hoop earrings,
those annoying hats. Explain this
to me.

SUMMER
People think it looks good.

TOM
Do you?

SUMMER
On some.

TOM
I like how you dress.

SUMMER
Yeah? What if I started wearing
berets and got a huge butterfly
tattoo on my leg?

TOM
(beat)
Please don’t.

A tall, well-built, GOOD-LOOKING DOUCHEBAG GUY has suddenly
appeared next to them.
61.



DOUCHE
(to Summer)
Hey.

Tom and Summer stop talking.

SUMMER
Hey.

DOUCHE
How’s it going?

SUMMER
Ok.

Tom puts his hands in his pockets and watches this exchange
go down. Not sure what else to do. At this point he’s more
amused than concerned.

DOUCHE
You live around here?

SUMMER
Yeah not too far.

DOUCHE
I’ve never seen you here before.

SUMMER
You’re not too perceptive.

DOUCHE
Ha. That’s funny.

Tom smiles to himself. This guy’s a tool. Nothing to worry
about.

DOUCHE
So, uh, let me buy you a drink.

SUMMER
No thank you.

As she answers Summer gives a quick glance over to Tom. The
Guy notices. Up to this point he had not connected the two of
them together.

DOUCHE
Are you with this guy?

Tom realizes he has to sort of say something now.
62.



TOM
(beat)
Hi. I’m Tom.

DOUCHE
Whatever.
(to Summer)
Come on, one drink. What are you
drinking?

SUMMER
Sorry, no thank you.

Tom is pleased.

DOUCHE
You’re serious? This guy?

And now he’s pissed.

TOM
Hey buddy --

SUMMER
(to the Douche)
Don’t be rude. I’m flattered, I’m
just not interested. Now why don’t
you go back over there and leave us
alone, ok?

DOUCHE
It’s a free country.

Summer and Tom make eye contact again, as if to say “now
what?” After a beat:

DOUCHE
So you and him, huh? I can’t
believe that. Is this guy really
your boyfriend?

And that question hangs in the air. Tom, panicked, decides to
cut the silence. All the pent up uncertainty and confusion,
coupled with the challenge to his manhood in front of the
woman he loves, all manifests in one single, solid, almost
automatic RIGHT CROSS TO THE GOOD LOOKING DOUCHEBAG’S FACE.

Which connects spot on and sends the Douche reeling.

Both Douche and Tom wince at the pain (Douche’s chin, Tom’s
fist).
63.



There’s a beat of calm where Tom is actually sorta surprised.
And then the Douche spins around and starts PUMMELLING TOM.

CUT TO:


EXT BAR - A FEW MINUTES LATER

Having been thrown out, Summer and Tom exit the place. Tom is
a bloody mess, granted, but feels pretty great about it.

TOM
Did you see that punch? I don’t
know where it came from. I haven’t
punched someone since Josh
Greenberg in fifth grade. Guess I’m
gonna have to throw out this shirt.

Summer starts walking ahead and Tom notices for the first
time she’s furious.

TOM
Hey. What is it?

SUMMER
I can’t believe you.

TOM
What?

SUMMER
You were so completely uncool in
there.

TOM
You’re mad at me? I just got my ass
kicked for you.

SUMMER
Oh that was for me? You were, what,
protecting me? Next time Tommy,
don’t. I fight my own battles.

TOM
Come on, that guy was an asshole!

SUMMER
You didn’t have to hit him. Why
didn’t you just let me handle it?

TOM
I don’t know. He was --
64.



SUMMER
See. This is why I don’t want a
serious relationship.

TOM
Whoa. What was that?

SUMMER
Nothing. Look, I like you Tom. I
like this. What we’ve been doing.
But maybe it’s gone too...

TOM
What...?

SUMMER
I told you all along what I don’t
want and it’s...

Tom waits for more. It doesn’t come.

SUMMER
I’m tired. Can we talk about this
tomorrow?

It’s silent. He doesn’t know what to do or say or think.
Neither of them say a word as they go their separate ways.

TOM
(calling to her)
I just got my ass kicked!

Only the CROWD outside the bar hear this.

TOM
(to Onlookers)
I got one good shot in.



(146 & 147)
Genres: ["Romance","Drama","Comedy"]

Summary Tom redecorates his apartment, reflecting on his past relationship with Summer, symbolized by a mural he painted. At a bar, their lighthearted conversation is interrupted by a rude man who hits on Summer. In a moment of impulsive bravado, Tom punches the man, leading to a fight that leaves him beaten. Summer, angered by Tom's actions, expresses her desire for a casual relationship, leaving Tom confused and hurt as they part ways without resolution.
Strengths
  • Sharp dialogue
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
Weaknesses
  • Slightly predictable outcome
  • Limited exploration of Summer's perspective

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 6.5

This scene effectively advances the central relationship conflict by forcing Tom and Summer to confront their differing views on commitment, but the sudden escalation to violence feels slightly contrived and the resolution is abrupt, limiting the emotional depth.


Story Content

Concept: 7

The concept of a man physically defending his love interest only to be criticized for it is a fresh take on romantic comedy conventions, but it relies on a familiar 'douchebag' antagonist.

Plot: 6

The plot moves from a playful bar conversation to a violent confrontation and then to a tense argument, but the transition feels rushed and the aftermath lacks sufficient exploration.

Originality: 6.5

The scene offers a fresh take on the 'fight for love' trope by having the woman reject the gesture, but the douchebag character is a cliché.


Character Development

Characters: 7.5

Tom's impulsive action reveals his insecurity and desire to prove himself, while Summer's anger shows her independence and consistency, but the douchebag character is one-dimensional.

Character Changes: 5

Tom changes from amused to violent to confused, but the change is reactive rather than transformative; Summer's stance is reaffirmed but not deepened.

Internal Goal: 7

Tom's internal goal in this scene is to prove his worth and protect Summer, showcasing his desire for validation and acceptance. His actions reflect his need for approval and his fear of inadequacy.

External Goal: 8

Tom's external goal is to defend Summer from the douchebag and assert his dominance in the situation. This reflects the immediate challenge he faces in the bar.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict escalates from a minor social intrusion to a physical fight and then to a fundamental disagreement about the relationship, creating strong tension.

Opposition: 7.5

The opposition comes from the douchebag (external) and Summer's rejection of Tom's actions (internal), creating layered conflict.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are high for Tom's romantic hopes, but the physical fight feels somewhat disconnected from the emotional stakes.

Story Forward: 8

The scene pushes the story forward by bringing the relationship conflict to a head, setting up a potential breakup or redefinition.

Unpredictability: 6.5

This scene is unpredictable because Tom's violent outburst is surprising given his earlier passivity, but the douchebag's intrusion is a familiar trope.

Philosophical Conflict: 7.5

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the idea of masculinity, protection, and independence. Tom's actions challenge traditional gender roles and societal expectations.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6.5

The emotional impact is mixed: the fight is exciting, but the argument feels somewhat rehearsed and the ending is deflating rather than cathartic.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue is sharp and natural, especially in the bar exchange and the argument, but some lines feel expository (e.g., 'This is why I don’t want a serious relationship').

Engagement: 7

This scene is engaging because of the sudden violence and the emotional fallout, but the argument feels a bit on-the-nose.

Pacing: 6

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness because it starts slow, accelerates with the fight, and then slows again for the argument, but the transition feels jarring.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

Formatting is standard and professional, with clear scene headings and action lines, though some parentheticals could be trimmed.

Structure: 6.5

The scene follows a classic three-beat structure: setup (playful banter), confrontation (the douchebag), and resolution (argument), but the pacing is uneven.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures Tom's internal conflict and emotional turmoil regarding his relationship with Summer. The juxtaposition of his mural of Summer and his impulsive behavior at the bar highlights his struggle to move on, which is a strong thematic element.
  • The dialogue between Tom and Summer is engaging and showcases their chemistry, but it could benefit from more subtext. For instance, when Tom expresses confusion about women's fashion, it could serve as a metaphor for his confusion about his relationship with Summer, adding depth to their conversation.
  • The introduction of the 'Douche' character serves as a catalyst for Tom's impulsive action, but his characterization feels somewhat one-dimensional. A more nuanced portrayal could enhance the tension and stakes of the scene, making Tom's reaction more impactful.
  • The pacing of the scene is generally good, but the transition from the bar to the aftermath outside could be smoother. The abrupt cut to Tom feeling great about getting beaten up feels slightly disjointed and could use a more gradual build-up to maintain emotional continuity.
  • Summer's reaction to Tom's actions is pivotal, but her motivations could be clearer. While she expresses anger, it would be beneficial to explore her feelings about Tom's protective instinct versus her desire for independence more deeply, which would add complexity to her character.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more layers to the Douche character to make him less of a stereotype. Perhaps give him a moment of vulnerability or a relatable trait that complicates Tom's perception of him.
  • Enhance the subtext in Tom and Summer's dialogue by incorporating metaphors or references that reflect their relationship dynamics, allowing the audience to glean deeper meanings from their exchanges.
  • Smooth out the transition between the bar fight and the aftermath by including a brief moment of reflection for Tom, allowing him to process what just happened before they exit the bar.
  • Explore Summer's feelings more thoroughly after the fight. Perhaps include a moment where she reflects on Tom's actions and her own feelings about needing to fight her own battles, which could lead to a more nuanced conversation.
  • Consider using visual storytelling to emphasize Tom's emotional state. For example, showing the mural of Summer in a more prominent way before the fight could serve as a powerful reminder of his feelings and the stakes involved.



Scene 14 -  Unspoken Tensions
INT. OFFICE - LATER

Tom is in the photocopy room with a bandage on his nose.
Summer walks in, not realizing he would be there. She stops
short.

TOM
(genuine)
Hi.
65.



SUMMER
(cold)
Hi.

TOM
What’s up?

SUMMER
Nothing.

TOM
Ok.

Nothing else is said.

TOM
Wait, are you still mad at me?

SUMMER
(rolling her eyes)
Tom...

TOM
Holy shit you are. I can’t believe
you!

SUMMER
(re: copies)
Are you almost done?

TOM
Yeah. I’m all done.

He starts to walk out.

TOM
You know what... Sometimes you
really don’t make any sense.

Tom walks out. He looks back but she isn’t looking. When she
looks back at him, he’s gone.

LATER. Tom about to leave the office. Passes Summer’s desk.
She’s on the phone. He wants to stop and say something but
she’s busy. He walks on. She never knew he was there.

LATER. Summer, packed up to go, walks over to Tom’s cubicle
but he’s already gone.
Genres: ["Romance","Drama"]

Summary In the office photocopy room, Tom, sporting a bandage on his nose, encounters Summer, who remains cold and upset with him. Their brief and tense conversation reveals unresolved feelings, leading Tom to leave in confusion. As he passes her desk later, he hesitates to engage but ultimately walks away unnoticed. The scene concludes with Summer searching for Tom at his cubicle, only to find he has already left, highlighting their emotional disconnect.
Strengths
  • Subtle tension building
  • Effective character dynamics
  • Emotional depth
Weaknesses
  • Limited dialogue
  • Lack of explicit character development

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 5.5

This scene's primary job is to show the painful, awkward aftermath of the bar fight and the growing rift between Tom and Summer, which it does effectively through sparse dialogue and spatial blocking. The single biggest limiter is the lack of any new insight or escalation—the conflict simply re-states what we already know (Summer wants casual, Tom is hurt), making the scene feel like marking time rather than advancing the emotional stakes.


Story Content

Concept: 5.5

The concept of showing a relationship fracture through missed connections and cold silences is solid, but it's a familiar trope in romantic comedies and doesn't introduce a fresh angle here.

Plot: 4.5

The plot moves incrementally—Tom and Summer avoid each other, then fail to connect—but it doesn't introduce new information or change the trajectory; it's a holding pattern.

Originality: 4.5

The use of missed connections and silent standoffs is a familiar trope in romantic comedies, but the specific staging (photocopy room, desk, cubicle) feels authentic to an office setting.


Character Development

Characters: 6

Tom's hurt and confusion are clear, and Summer's coldness is consistent, but neither character reveals a new layer; they remain in the same emotional positions as the previous scene.

Character Changes: 1

Neither character changes; Tom remains hurt and confused, Summer remains distant and uncommunicative.

Internal Goal: 6

Tom's internal goal in this scene is to reconcile with Summer and understand why she is mad at him. This reflects his need for validation and connection in their relationship.

External Goal: 5

Tom's external goal is to finish making copies and leave the office. This reflects the immediate circumstances of the scene.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 4.5

The conflict is present but low-energy—cold silences and missed opportunities rather than active confrontation—which fits the mood but reduces dramatic tension.

Opposition: 5.5

The opposition is Summer's coldness and avoidance, which is a passive but effective obstacle; Tom's attempts to engage are met with silence or dismissal.

High Stakes: 3.5

The stakes are low in this scene—it's about emotional discomfort rather than any concrete consequence or decision point.

Story Forward: 3

The story barely moves forward; the status quo of their fractured relationship is maintained without new developments.

Unpredictability: 4.5

This scene is unpredictable because the pattern of near-misses (Tom leaves, Summer looks; Summer comes, Tom is gone) subverts the expected confrontation, but the overall outcome (they don't talk) is predictable given the previous scene.

Philosophical Conflict: 4

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between communication and misunderstanding. Tom and Summer struggle to communicate effectively, leading to misunderstandings and tension.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 5

The emotional impact is muted; the awkwardness is palpable but the scene doesn't land a strong emotional punch because it feels like a repetition of known feelings.

Dialogue: 5.5

The dialogue is minimal and realistic—'Hi,' 'What's up?' 'Nothing'—which fits the awkwardness, but it lacks the wit or depth of earlier scenes; the one longer line from Tom ('Sometimes you really don't make any sense') feels a bit on-the-nose.

Engagement: 5.5

This scene is engaging because the awkward silences and missed connections create a realistic, uncomfortable tension that feels true to life, but the lack of progression reduces momentum.

Pacing: 6

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness because the short, clipped beats mirror the stilted communication, but the three repeated beats feel slightly drawn out.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

Formatting is clean and standard, with clear scene headings and action lines; no issues.

Structure: 5.5

The structure is a series of three short vignettes (photocopy room, desk, cubicle) that build a pattern of missed connections, which is effective for the genre but feels repetitive rather than escalating.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the tension between Tom and Summer following the altercation at the bar, showcasing their emotional distance. However, the dialogue feels sparse and lacks depth, which may not fully convey the weight of their unresolved conflict. The minimalism can work, but it risks leaving the audience feeling disconnected from the characters' emotional states.
  • Tom's realization that Summer is still mad at him is a pivotal moment, but it could benefit from more internal conflict or reflection. Instead of just stating disbelief, Tom could express a mix of regret and confusion, which would add layers to his character and make the audience empathize with his situation.
  • Summer's cold demeanor is established, but her motivations for being upset could be more clearly articulated through subtext or non-verbal cues. This would help the audience understand her perspective better and create a more dynamic interaction between the two characters.
  • The pacing of the scene feels rushed, particularly in the transitions between Tom's interactions with Summer and his later moments of hesitation. Slowing down these beats could enhance the emotional impact and allow the audience to absorb the tension and stakes involved.
  • The ending, where Summer looks for Tom but finds he has already left, is a poignant moment that emphasizes their disconnect. However, it could be strengthened by including a brief moment of reflection from Summer, perhaps a sigh or a look of disappointment, to underscore her feelings of loss and confusion.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more internal monologue for Tom to express his feelings of regret and confusion about the fight and its impact on his relationship with Summer. This could deepen the audience's understanding of his character.
  • Incorporate more non-verbal communication between Tom and Summer to convey their emotional states. For example, subtle body language or facial expressions can reveal their feelings without needing explicit dialogue.
  • Expand the dialogue slightly to include a line or two that hints at Summer's feelings about the fight or her relationship with Tom. This could provide context for her coldness and make her character more relatable.
  • Slow down the pacing of the scene by allowing for longer pauses or moments of silence that emphasize the tension. This can create a more immersive experience for the audience.
  • Add a brief moment at the end where Summer reflects on Tom's absence, perhaps showing her disappointment or confusion. This would provide closure to the scene and reinforce the emotional stakes.



Scene 15 -  Uncertain Connections
SPLITSCREEN - INT. BOTH APARTMENTS - THAT NIGHT

Left: Tom tosses and turns in his sleep.
66.



Right: Summer lies awake, staring at the ceiling.

Left: Tom picks up the phone. Is about to dial when he stops
himself and hangs up.

Right: Summer looks at her phone, willing it to ring. It
doesn’t.


INT TOM’S BEDROOM - HOURS LATER

Tom is awakened by a buzzer. He hits the “sleep” button but
the buzzing isn’t coming from his alarm. It’s his door. He
gets up, concerned, and goes to answer it. It’s Summer.

SUMMER
Say you’re sorry.

TOM
Huh?

SUMMER
Say you’re sorry for acting like a
jerk.

TOM
I am. I’m sorry for acting like a
jerk.

SUMMER
Ok. Me too.

TOM
Summer... we don’t have to label
what we’re doing. I just... I need -

SUMMER
I know -

TOM
Consistency. I need to know you
won’t wake up tomorrow and feel a
different way.

SUMMER
I can’t promise you that. Nobody
can. Anyone who does is a liar.

A beat.

SUMMER
I can only tell you how I feel
right now... or I can show you.
67.



She comes in and kisses him. He thinks about it for a second.
Is this enough to assuage his doubts? Damn it, she wins
again. He shuts the door in our faces.


INT TOM’S BEDROOM - THE NEXT MORNING

Tom and Summer in the wee hours.

TOM
Have you ever had a real
“boyfriend?”

SUMMER
What?

TOM
A boyfriend. “Going steady.”
Whatever. You know what I mean.

SUMMER
Well... yeah.

TOM
More than one?

SUMMER
A few.

TOM
Tell me about them.

SUMMER
Oh no way.

TOM
Why?

SUMMER
Cause there’s nothing to tell.

TOM
Come on, I’m interested.

SUMMER
You wanna have the relationship
history conversation?

TOM
Yes.

SUMMER
You sure about that?
68.



TOM
No. Yeah. I don’t know. Why not? I
can take it.

SUMMER
Ok. Well, in high school, there was
Markus.

INSERT: Still photograph of MARKUS. Or at least how he
appears in Tom’s mind. Arm cocked, about to throw the winning
touchdown pass.

TOM
Quarterback slash homecoming king?

SUMMER
He was a rower. Very hot.

TOM
What happened to Markus?

SUMMER
He works for the Republican party.
Very successful. Just not for me.

TOM
Ok. And then?

SUMMER
Well, for a short time in college,
there was Kurt.

INSERT: Still photograph of KURT. As Tom envisions him.
Playing the guitar on stage in Motley Crue.

SUMMER
That didn’t really go anywhere.
(beat)
And... my semester in Rome. Daniele
Belardelli. AKA “The Puma.”

INSERT: Still photograph of THE PUMA. A swarthy Italian
posing in front of a Vespa moped in tight Gucci pants, his
boner clearly trying to escape.

TOM
The Puma?

SUMMER
Yeah, cause, you know...

Tom has no idea. And he doesn’t want to know.
69.



TOM
And that’s it?

SUMMER
The ones that lasted.

TOM
What happened? Why didn’t they work
out?

SUMMER
Nothing happened really. It’s what
always happens. Life.

On TOM. Silent for a few beats. Did he want to hear that?

CUT TO:


(290s)
Genres: ["Romance","Drama"]

Summary In a tense and introspective scene, Tom and Summer struggle with their feelings for each other during a sleepless night. Tom contemplates calling Summer but hesitates, while she waits for his call. When Summer arrives at Tom's apartment, she demands an apology for his past behavior, leading to a discussion about their relationship. Tom seeks reassurance and consistency, but Summer admits she cannot promise that, leaving him uncertain despite a shared kiss. The scene transitions to the next morning, where they delve into Summer's past relationships, further complicating Tom's feelings as he reflects on what he has learned.
Strengths
  • Intimate dialogue
  • Emotional depth
  • Character vulnerability
Weaknesses
  • Limited external conflict
  • Some cliched relationship history tropes

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 7.2

This scene's primary job is to resolve the post-fight tension and deepen the central relationship conflict, which it does with emotional honesty and sharp dialogue, but the overall score is limited by the scene's reliance on exposition-heavy relationship history inserts that momentarily break the intimate momentum.


Story Content

Concept: 7.5

The concept of a post-fight reconciliation that immediately dives into a 'relationship history' conversation is a fresh take on the typical romantic comedy beat, but the execution relies on familiar tropes (the ex-boyfriend inserts).

Plot: 6.5

The plot moves forward through the reconciliation and the revelation of Summer's past relationships, but the scene is more character-driven than plot-driven, with the 'history' section feeling like a detour.

Originality: 7

The 'relationship history' conversation with humorous inserts is a fresh take on a common beat, though the ex-boyfriend archetypes are familiar.


Character Development

Characters: 8

Tom and Summer are both well-drawn: Tom's need for consistency and Summer's fear of promises are clear. The ex-boyfriend inserts, while funny, slightly reduce the immediacy of their interaction.

Character Changes: 5

Tom shows a slight change by accepting Summer's terms (for now), and Summer shows vulnerability by coming to him, but neither undergoes a major shift.

Internal Goal: 8

Tom's internal goal in this scene is to seek consistency and reassurance in his relationship with Summer. He wants to know that her feelings for him are genuine and won't change unexpectedly.

External Goal: 7

Tom's external goal is to navigate the complexities of his relationship with Summer and understand her past romantic experiences.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6.5

The conflict is internal (Tom's doubt vs. his desire) and interpersonal (Summer's need for freedom vs. Tom's need for labels). It's present but not high-stakes in a dramatic sense.

Opposition: 6

The opposition is primarily internal (Tom's fear vs. his desire) and interpersonal (Summer's resistance to labels). It's present but not adversarial.

High Stakes: 5.5

The stakes are emotional—Tom risks his heart, Summer risks her independence—but they are not life-or-death or career-threatening.

Story Forward: 6.5

The scene advances the relationship by re-establishing their connection and revealing Summer's past, but it doesn't introduce new plot complications.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because Summer's arrival at Tom's door subverts the expectation of a prolonged cold war, and the history conversation reveals unexpected details.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the uncertainty of human emotions and the inevitability of change. Summer challenges Tom's desire for consistency by emphasizing the unpredictability of feelings.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene has genuine emotional beats—Summer's arrival, the kiss, the history conversation—but the inserts and the slightly clinical 'history' section dilute the raw emotion.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is natural, revealing, and often witty ('Anyone who does is a liar'), but the 'history' section becomes a bit of a list rather than a dynamic exchange.

Engagement: 7.5

This scene is engaging because of the emotional honesty and the push-pull dynamic between Tom and Summer, though the history section slows the pace slightly.

Pacing: 7

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness because the split-screen opening creates tension, the reconciliation is quick, and the history section provides a breather before the emotional climax.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8.5

Formatting is professional and clear, with effective use of split-screen, INSERT, and CUT TO. The action lines are concise.

Structure: 7.5

The scene uses a classic three-beat structure: reconciliation (arrival/apology), intimacy (kiss), and revelation (history conversation). The split-screen opening is a strong structural choice.


Critique
  • The split-screen technique effectively conveys the parallel emotional states of Tom and Summer, emphasizing their mutual longing and uncertainty. However, the execution could benefit from more visual variety to enhance engagement. For instance, incorporating different angles or close-ups could deepen the emotional impact.
  • The dialogue between Tom and Summer is realistic and captures the tension in their relationship. However, it feels somewhat rushed, particularly in the transition from the apology to the kiss. Expanding on their emotional responses could provide a richer understanding of their characters and the stakes involved.
  • The use of still photographs to illustrate Summer's past relationships is a clever visual device, but it risks pulling the audience out of the moment. Instead of inserting stills, consider using brief flashbacks or visual cues that maintain the flow of the scene while still providing context.
  • The scene's pacing is uneven, particularly in the transition from the intimate moment to the conversation about Summer's past relationships. The shift feels abrupt and could benefit from a smoother transition that maintains the emotional momentum.
  • Tom's internal conflict regarding his need for consistency versus Summer's desire for freedom is a compelling theme, but it could be explored more deeply. The scene hints at this conflict but doesn't fully delve into Tom's fears or insecurities, which could add depth to his character.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more visual elements to the split-screen to enhance emotional engagement, such as varying camera angles or close-ups that capture the characters' expressions.
  • Expand the dialogue to allow for more emotional nuance, particularly in Tom's response to Summer's kiss. This could involve him expressing his doubts more explicitly before the kiss, adding tension.
  • Instead of still photographs, explore using brief flashbacks or visual metaphors that can convey Summer's past relationships without disrupting the scene's flow.
  • Smooth the transition between the kiss and the conversation about past relationships by incorporating a moment of silence or reflection that allows the characters to process their emotions.
  • Deepen Tom's internal conflict by including a moment of vulnerability where he articulates his fears about their relationship, allowing the audience to connect more with his character.



Scene 16 -  Echoes of the Past
EXT. STREET - DAY

Tom, unshaven, un-showered, walks by himself. He turns a
corner and sees Summer walking towards him. As she gets
closer he sees it’s not her after all and breathes a sigh of
relief.




INT. BEDROOM - LATER

Tom watches TV. An advertisement for toothpaste comes on. Tom
could swear the actress was Summer.


INT TROLLEY - DAY

A trolley going the other direction passes by. EVERY
PASSENGER ON IT IS SUMMER. Tom is a fucking mess.


(302)
EXT RESTAURANT - NIGHT

Tom and an attractive girl we haven’t seen before walk
towards an outdoor cafe. Her name is ALLISON. It’s clear
right away that Tom can’t wait for this night to end already.
70.



ALISON
So how long have you known Paul and
Robyn?

TOM
Since grade school.

ALISON
No way, really? That’s crazy.

TOM
Yeah.

ALISON
Well I’m glad you called. They
spoke very highly of you.

TOM
Great.


INT RESTAURANT - LATER

Tom and Alison eat. In silence.

ALISON
So...uh... how’s it going?

TOM
Ok.

Beat.

ALISON
You’ve been pretty quiet.

TOM
Sorry.

ALISON
I’m pretty quiet too. Usually. It’s
nice sometimes to be comfortable
enough that you can just sit and
eat and not have to say anything,
you know?

TOM
Uh-huh.

More silence.

ALISON
Do you want to try some --
71.



TOM
No thanks.

Alison looks at her food. Tom realizes he’s been difficult,
starts to feel kinda bad.

TOM
I’m sorry. It’s just... there’s
this girl.

ALISON
Oh.

TOM
I’m not usually like this. I wasn’t
before... Long story short, she
wrecked me. I don’t know if you can
tell but it was pretty recent and
I’m still kinda thinking about her.

ALISON
(disappointed)
Well maybe you should think
about... someone else... who could
cheer you up.

TOM
I can’t get her out of my head, you
know? I see her everywhere. She’s
all I think about. And it’s
horrible. Cause I totally didn’t
see it coming. I thought things
were fine. So now I keep going
through every day in my mind, every
second really. Wondering. What went
wrong? Is it my fault? Could I have
prevented it somehow?


EXT TRANSAMERICA BUILDING - (BACK ON DAY 51)

Summer and Tom stand on the street corner looking at the
buildings.

TOM
A lot of people have problems with
this, but to me, it makes both
structures so much more beautiful
side by side like that.

Tom keeps talking. Summer turns and looks directly at the
CAMERA.
72.



SUMMER
While you continue to talk about
buildings and whatever other
bullshit interests you, I’ll just
nod my head and pretend to listen
while secretly dreaming about the
many ways I can one day rip out
your heart and eat it like the
rabid vampire I am.


INT RESTAURANT - SAME

Tom and Alison.

TOM
Maybe there were things I could
have said or done, you know?

INT SUMMER’S BEDROOM - NIGHT - (FROM DAY 39)

From the scene in which Tom and Summer first slept together.
He’s sleeping like a baby, probably the best sleep he’s had
in a long while. Summer lies next to him. Wide awake. Bored
and unfulfilled.


INT RESTAURANT - SAME

Tom and Alison. Alison is desperately trying to get a drink.

ALISON
Waiter!

TOM
Or... Christ, I don’t know, maybe
she was never that interested in me
to begin with.


INT ELEVATOR - DAY - (FROM DAY 22)

Tom and Summer ride in silence for a few beats.

TOM
(beat)
How was your weekend?

SUMMER
(winks at him)
It was good.
73.




INT RESTAURANT - SAME

TOM
Anyway... sorry. If I’m acting
strange, that’s why.

ALISON
It’s ok. I’m sure it’s tough
getting over an ex-girlfriend.

TOM
Actually she was never my
girlfriend.

Now Alison is really confused. And it’s right around the part
where Tom starts totally cracking up.

TOM
I just... I thought I’d have
figured it out by now, you know? My
life. Where I’m going, where I want
to end up, who with. All that
stuff. I still don’t know anything.
And the thing is... When I was with
Summer, none of that mattered. I
never even noticed how much of my
life was missing! Isn’t that weird?

ALISON
You were in love, that’s what it
does. But, now that you know where
the holes are you can start to fill
them.

TOM
Sure.
(beat)
Hey, I’ve been talking non-stop.
You talk.

ALISON
Me? Well I grew up --

TOM
So what do you think? Did I do
something? Did I not do something?
What can I do now?

ALISON
I...
(beat)
(MORE)
74.

ALISON (cont'd)
You wanna get out of here? I know
this great...

TOM
(suddenly excited)
Oh! You know what we should do...


INT KARAOKE BAR - LATER

Tom is, yes, on stage singing another song by The Clash,
“Train in Vain.” Not so much singing as having a nervous
breakdown to music.
Genres: ["Romance","Drama","Comedy"]

Summary In this emotionally charged scene, Tom struggles to move on from his past relationship with Summer while on a date with Allison. Despite Allison's attempts to engage him, Tom's mind is consumed by memories of Summer, leading to tension and disappointment. The scene intercuts with flashbacks of Tom and Summer's relationship, highlighting his unresolved feelings. Ultimately, Tom suggests leaving the restaurant, which leads them to a karaoke bar where he performs, overwhelmed by his emotional turmoil.
Strengths
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
Weaknesses
  • Pacing could be improved in certain sections

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 6.5

This scene's primary job is to dramatize Tom's post-breakup obsession and emotional paralysis, which it does effectively through a series of vignettes and a painful date. The single biggest limiter is the over-reliance on flashbacks that, while thematically relevant, fragment the present-tense momentum and risk feeling repetitive rather than deepening insight.


Story Content

Concept: 6.5

The concept of showing heartbreak through hallucinatory sightings and a disastrous date is strong, but the execution leans on familiar tropes (seeing ex everywhere, unloading on a date) without fresh variation.

Plot: 5.5

The plot is a series of loosely connected moments rather than a forward-moving sequence; the date provides a narrative spine but the flashbacks interrupt rather than build tension.

Originality: 6

The direct address and the split-screen of Summer's boredom are fresh, but the 'seeing ex everywhere' and 'unloading on a blind date' are well-worn tropes.


Character Development

Characters: 6

Tom's obsession and self-absorption are clear, but Alison is a cardboard cutout (patient, understanding, quickly forgotten). Summer's direct address adds depth but is used sparingly.

Character Changes: 2

Tom does not change; he remains stuck. Alison learns nothing new. The only change is the audience's understanding of Summer's perspective.

Internal Goal: 7

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to come to terms with his feelings for his ex-girlfriend and understand why the relationship ended. This reflects his deeper need for closure and his fear of being alone or making the same mistakes in future relationships.

External Goal: 5

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to have a pleasant evening with a new date, Allison, and move on from his past relationship. This reflects the immediate challenge of overcoming heartbreak and finding happiness again.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 4.5

The conflict is internal (Tom vs. his own feelings) and external (the awkward date), but the opposition is weak—Alison offers no real resistance.

Opposition: 3

The opposition is mostly internal (Tom's own memories) and passive (Alison's polite confusion); there is no active antagonist.

High Stakes: 4

The stakes are emotional (Tom's sanity, his ability to move on) but low in immediate consequence; the date has no real risk.

Story Forward: 3.5

The scene stalls the plot—Tom is no closer to resolution—but it deepens the emotional rut, which is necessary for the arc.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because Summer's direct address to camera and the revelation of her boredom during intimacy subvert the romantic comedy expectation of mutual happiness.

Philosophical Conflict: 5.5

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is between the protagonist's desire for closure and understanding in his past relationship, and his fear of repeating the same mistakes or being hurt again in the future. This challenges his beliefs about love, trust, and self-worth.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6.5

The cumulative effect of Tom's sightings and his breakdown on stage is poignant, but the flashbacks dilute the immediacy of the present moment.

Dialogue: 6

The dialogue on the date feels natural in its awkwardness, but Tom's monologue is exposition-heavy and Alison's responses are too accommodating to feel real.

Engagement: 6.5

This scene is engaging because the date's awkwardness is painfully relatable and the flashbacks provide emotional context, though the pacing drags in the middle.

Pacing: 6

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness because the quick cuts between present and past mirror Tom's fractured mental state, but the date scenes themselves feel static.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 7.5

Formatting is standard and clean; scene headings are clear, but the flashback transitions could be more distinct (e.g., using 'BACK TO' or clearer parentheticals).

Structure: 5.5

The scene uses a fragmented structure (present date intercut with flashbacks) that suits the genre's emotional logic but lacks a clear dramatic arc within the scene itself.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures Tom's emotional turmoil and his inability to move on from Summer, which is a central theme of the screenplay. However, the transitions between locations (from the street to the restaurant) feel abrupt and could benefit from smoother segues to maintain the flow of the narrative.
  • Tom's dialogue with Allison reveals his inner conflict, but it often feels one-sided. While it’s clear he is struggling, Allison's responses could be more engaging to create a dynamic conversation. This would help to illustrate Tom's emotional state through his interactions rather than just his monologues.
  • The use of flashbacks interspersed with the present moment is a strong technique, but the transitions could be clearer. The audience might benefit from more visual or auditory cues that signal the shift back to memories, enhancing the emotional impact of those moments.
  • The scene's pacing is uneven; it starts with a quick succession of events but then slows down significantly during the restaurant conversation. This could lead to a loss of momentum. Balancing the pacing throughout the scene would help maintain audience engagement.
  • Tom's character is well-established as someone who is struggling with his feelings, but the introduction of Allison feels somewhat forced. Her character could be fleshed out more to provide a contrast to Summer and to make her presence in the scene feel more organic.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of internal reflection for Tom as he walks to the restaurant, perhaps showing his thoughts on the date or his feelings about Summer. This could deepen the audience's understanding of his emotional state.
  • Enhance Allison's character by giving her a more defined personality or backstory. This could be achieved through her dialogue or actions, making her more than just a sounding board for Tom's feelings.
  • Use visual cues or sound design to signal transitions between Tom's memories and the present. For example, a specific sound or visual effect could indicate when he is recalling moments with Summer, making the shifts more impactful.
  • Revise the dialogue to create a more balanced exchange between Tom and Allison. Allow her to ask questions or share her own experiences, which would make the conversation feel more natural and engaging.
  • Consider incorporating more physical actions or reactions from Tom during the restaurant scene to convey his discomfort and emotional state. This could include fidgeting, avoiding eye contact, or other body language that reflects his inner turmoil.



Scene 17 -  Heartbreak at the Karaoke Bar
TOM
“You said you’d stand by your
man!/So tell me something I don’t
understand. You said you loved
me!/And that’s a fact! And then you
left me, said you felt trapped!

Alison sits by herself in a booth trying to hide her face.

TOM
“You didn’t stand by me! Not at
all! You didn’t stand by me,” I’m
talking about you Summer!

On Alison, having the worst date ever.

CUT TO:



(219)
INT TOM’S BATHROOM - NIGHT

Tom is getting dressed for a big fancy night out. A punkish
pop song plays in the b.g. that he occasionally boogies down
to. He’s excited.

He tucks his shirt into his pants. He ties his tie. He
brushes his teeth with aplomb. He looks for, finds, and
plucks a grey hair from his head. He makes some faces into
the mirror.

Satisfied, he grabs his coat and hits the street.
75.




EXT SAN FRANCISCO STREET - SAME

Tom walking in the Spring air, feeling good. The phone rings.

INTERCUT WITH:


INT SUMMER’S APARTMENT - SAME

Summer on the cell as she enters her apartment. She looks
like she’s coming back from the gym.

SUMMER
Hey it’s me.

TOM
Hello me. You having a good day?

SUMMER
I am thank you. Listen, about
tonight... I think I might just
stay in and go to bed early.

TOM
What? Why?

SUMMER
I’m just really tired and I’ve
gotta go in early tomorrow. Would
you be super mad at me if we went
out this weekend instead?

TOM
Well... You don’t want to just,
maybe, go to dinner. I mean, you’ve
gotta eat right?

SUMMER
I’m not really that hungry. And
this place is fancy right?

TOM
(touching his tie)
Sorta.

SUMMER
I’d rather not. Seriously, do you
mind?

Tom is standing still now, no longer moving. He’s trying to
keep his frustration from being audible.
76.



TOM
Hey, no, that’s cool. Whatever you
want to do.

SUMMER
Thank you. So we’ll talk tomorrow,
alright?

TOM
Sure.

SUMMER
Great. Good night Tom.

TOM
Good night.
(beat)
Hey, Happy... birthday.

But the line is dead. Tom’s head sinks into his chest. Yet
another frustrating night...

CUT TO:


CU PAUL, TALKING DIRECTLY TO THE CAMERA DOCUMENTARY STYLE

PAUL
I just got lucky I guess. We met in
elementary school. We had the same
class schedule in the 7th grade and
we just... clicked.

CUT TO:


CU MCKENZIE.

MCKENZIE
Love? Shit, I don’t know. As long
as she’s cute and she’s willing,
right? Actually, cute is a strong
word. Not atrocious.

CU RACHEL.

RACHEL
That’s a pretty complex question.
Philosophers, poets, scientists,
everybody has a theory, don’t they?
(MORE)
77.

RACHEL (cont'd)
I kinda like what Nietzsche said:
“There is always some madness in
love, but there is also...always
some reason in madness.” Think
about it. Pretty smart. Although,
Nietzsche also said “Kill the
Jews.” So there’s that.

CU VANCE.

VANCE.
I’ve been happily married for 30
years. She’s the light that guides
me home.
(beat)
Yes it is from one of our cards.
(beat)
No someone else wrote it. Doesn’t
make it less true.

CU SUMMER

SUMMER
Ok I’m sick of this love shit. Come
on! We’ve been fed this nonsense
for generations to the point where
it’s now genetically encoded in our
very beings. And what does it mean?
Absolutely nothing. Give me a
break!

CU MCKENZIE

MCKENZIE
I’m just saying... I really need
some ass. I’m desperate.
(beat)
You got nothing?

CU PAUL

PAUL
I wouldn’t say “the girl of my
dreams,” no. The girl of my dreams
would have a better rack. Probably
different hair, could like sports a
little more. But... truth is...
Robyn’s better than the girl of my
dreams.
(beat)
You know why? Cause she’s real.

CU TOM.
78.



He says nothing. Just stands there. So confused. We go right
into:

ANIMATION. A QUICK 5 second recap of the earlier color
sequence.



(101)
INT OFFICE - DAY

Tom is wandering through the office whistling.

MCKENZIE
Hansen, don’t you have like twenty
bar mitzvah cards to write?

TOM
Nope. All done. What are you
working on?

MCKENZIE
Congratulations. But I’ve run out
of ways to say it. “Good job,”
“well done,” “way to go”... I got
nothing.

TOM
Why don’t you try... “Everyday you
make me proud. But today, you get a
card.”

MCKENZIE
(beat)
Shit. That’s not bad.

TOM
No worries.

Tom walks by the room marked “Weddings and Anniversaries.”
He’s about to keep going when he pauses.
Genres: ["Romance","Drama","Comedy"]

Summary In a karaoke bar, Tom passionately sings about his heartbreak over Summer, while Alison sits awkwardly, trying to hide her discomfort. The scene shifts to Tom preparing for a night out, filled with excitement, but his mood plummets when Summer calls to cancel their plans, leaving him feeling rejected and frustrated.
Strengths
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
Weaknesses
  • Lack of external conflict
  • Limited character change

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 6.5

This scene effectively advances Tom's emotional arc by showing his repeated disappointment with Summer, but its reliance on a montage of talking heads and a brief animation recap dilutes the dramatic momentum and feels structurally disjointed, limiting the overall impact.


Story Content

Concept: 7

The concept of using documentary-style interviews to explore love is innovative, but in this scene it feels somewhat tacked on and interrupts the narrative flow rather than deepening it.

Plot: 6

The plot moves forward by showing Tom's frustration with Summer's flakiness and his continued confusion about love, but the scene is more of a transitional beat than a major plot advancement.

Originality: 7

The use of documentary-style talking heads within a narrative film is original, but the phone call and Tom's reaction are familiar romantic comedy beats.


Character Development

Characters: 7

Tom's character is well-developed through his restrained disappointment, and the talking heads provide varied perspectives on love, but Summer's character is only briefly seen and feels one-dimensional here.

Character Changes: 3

Tom doesn't change significantly; he remains in a state of confusion and frustration, though his resolve to move on may be subtly tested.

Internal Goal: 7

The protagonist's internal goal is to find fulfillment and understanding in his romantic relationship, as he struggles with feelings of rejection and frustration.

External Goal: 6

The protagonist's external goal is to have a successful date night with his partner, but faces obstacles and disappointment.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 5

The conflict is internal for Tom (frustration vs. politeness) and external with Summer (her avoidance), but it's low-key and lacks high stakes.

Opposition: 4

The opposition Tom faces is Summer's passive resistance (her tiredness and avoidance), which is low-key but emotionally significant.

High Stakes: 4

The stakes are low—Tom's disappointment over a canceled date doesn't carry major consequences for the plot, though it reinforces his emotional arc.

Story Forward: 5

The scene moves the story forward by showing Tom's continued struggle with Summer's inconsistency, but it's more of a reiteration of his emotional state than a new development.

Unpredictability: 5

This scene is somewhat unpredictable due to the sudden shift to documentary-style interviews, but the phone call outcome is expected given Summer's pattern.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the nature of love and relationships, with characters expressing different perspectives and beliefs on the subject.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The emotional impact is moderate—Tom's disappointment is palpable, but the scene's fragmented structure (talking heads, animation recap) dilutes the emotional resonance.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is natural and reveals character, especially Tom's polite frustration and the talking heads' distinct voices, but the phone conversation is somewhat predictable.

Engagement: 6.5

This scene is engaging because Tom's disappointment is relatable and the talking heads offer intriguing perspectives on love, but the fragmented structure reduces momentum.

Pacing: 6

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by starting with energetic preparation, slowing to a deflating phone call, then shifting to a reflective montage, but the transitions feel abrupt.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

Formatting is standard and professional, with clear scene headings and action lines, though the intercut and documentary-style CU headers are unconventional but clear.

Structure: 6

The structure is episodic, moving from Tom's preparation to the phone call to a montage of talking heads, which fits the romantic comedy genre but feels disjointed in this scene.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures Tom's emotional turmoil through his passionate song, which serves as a cathartic release for his frustrations with Summer. However, the transition from the karaoke bar to Tom's bathroom feels abrupt and could benefit from a smoother segue to maintain the emotional flow.
  • Alison's presence in the booth adds a layer of discomfort, highlighting Tom's inability to connect with her due to his fixation on Summer. This dynamic is interesting, but it could be enhanced by providing more insight into Alison's character and her reactions to Tom's outburst, making her more than just a passive observer.
  • The dialogue between Tom and Summer during the phone call is realistic, but it lacks a sense of urgency or emotional weight. Given Tom's previous emotional state, his reaction to Summer's cancellation could be more visceral, showcasing his disappointment and frustration more vividly.
  • The use of intercutting between Tom's excitement and Summer's casual dismissal is effective in contrasting their emotional states. However, the pacing could be improved by allowing more time for Tom's initial excitement before the phone call, making the subsequent disappointment feel more impactful.
  • The scene ends on a note of frustration for Tom, which is fitting, but it could benefit from a stronger visual or emotional cue to emphasize his feelings. For example, a close-up of Tom's face as he processes the call could enhance the emotional resonance.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of reflection for Tom before the phone call, allowing the audience to see his anticipation and excitement build, which would make the subsequent disappointment more poignant.
  • Enhance Alison's character by giving her a line or two that reflects her discomfort or frustration with Tom's fixation on Summer, making her presence more impactful in the scene.
  • Revise the dialogue during the phone call to include more emotional stakes for Tom. Perhaps he could express his feelings more directly, making it clear how much he was looking forward to their plans.
  • Smooth out the transition between the karaoke bar and Tom's bathroom by incorporating a visual or auditory cue that links the two settings, such as the fading sound of the karaoke music as Tom enters the bathroom.
  • End the scene with a stronger visual cue, such as a close-up of Tom's face or a shot of him staring blankly at the wall, to emphasize his emotional state after the call.



Scene 18 -  Awkward Encounters
INT WEDDINGS AND ANNIVERSARIES SUITE - LATER

All of the people who work in here are MIDDLE AGED WOMEN.
Currently, they are standing around one desk where Tom sits
writing everyone’s cards.
79.



TOM
This is good Millie. “To my wife,
the love of my life. I love you.“
That’s very nice. I was thinking
though, why not try something
like... “Everyday that we don’t
meet is meaningless and
incomplete.” You know, spice it up
a little.

The Women clutch their heart like they might faint.


INT RELIGIOUS HOLIDAYS WING - LATER

Workers are again all gathered around Tom.

TOM
Did you try... “Merry?”

ALL
Whoa/Perfect/Yes!

TOM
What else you got?

EMPLOYEE #1
Passover.

Tom says something totally in Yiddish. No one knows what the
hell he just said except for one Employee who bursts out in
tears of joy.


INT OFFICE HALLWAY - LATER

Tom passes Summer at her desk. She waves. He waves back. He’s
so in love with her.


INT ANOTHER WING - LATER

ANGLE ON TOM writing furiously at a computer terminal.

TOM
“...aint no woman got what you got,
sista girl. Happy birthday to the
lean, sheen, and sizzly mocha
queen!”
(beat)
How’s that?

The AFRICAN-AMERICAN MAHOGANY WRITERS are impressed.
80.



MAHOGANY WRITER #1
Something’s gotten into you son!

TOM
Yeah. It’s pretty cool.


(222)
EXT MOVIE THEATRE - NIGHT

Tom and Summer in line to buy tickets.

TOM
You really want to see this?

SUMMER
It sounds amazing.

TOM
It’s, like, all stabbing and shit.

SUMMER
Exactly.

TOM
Ok.

SUMMER
All you take me to are sappy little
romances. I want to see some open
wounds, damn it. I want carnage.

TOM
Fantastic.

Suddenly, Tom sees something at the front of the line.

TOM
Oh shit.

SUMMER
What?

And here they come, Tom’s mom and step-dad, Sarah and Martin.
Tom’s face registers a noticeable panic.

SARAH
Hey!
81.



Sarah and Martin are delighted at this coincidence. Sarah
hugs and kisses her son.

TOM
(looking at Summer)
Hi Mom.

Summer smiles. Maybe this will be ok.

TOM
Mom, Martin, this is Summer.

SARAH
Summer! Well hello! We’ve heard so
much about you! It’s so good to
finally meet you.

Sarah hugs Summer.

SUMMER
You too.

And now Martin weighs in with his own hug. Tom notices
Summer’s face growing increasingly concerned. Why is he
hugging me?

MARTIN
(to Tom)
Is this the girlfriend?

Tom is caught like a deer in headlights. What can he do?

TOM
Well this is the girl friend I’ve
told you about. I don’t know if
“girlfriend” is the right word...

SARAH
You going to see the serial killer
one?

SUMMER
Yes we are.

SARAH
Great! Should we save you seats?

Again, this has become incredibly awkward for Tom and for
Summer.

SUMMER
Absolutely.
82.



SARAH
Ok. We’ll see you inside.

When they’re out of earshot, Tom sees that Summer is
distraught.

TOM
Sorry about that.

SUMMER
It’s fine.

TOM
You wanna go do something else? We
can totally bolt.

SUMMER
Did you tell them I was your
girlfriend?

TOM
What?! No way... I never used that
word.

SUMMER
They seemed to think... I mean, why
is your step-dad giving me a hug?

TOM
He’s very...loving.

SUMMER
Does he hug all your friends?

There’s that word again.

Summer looks at Tom, like she’s disappointed or even angry at
him for something. Then she walks ahead of him into the
theatre. He’s forced to follow. Answer-less, as conflicted as
ever. Why is none of this easy?

CUT TO:


INT MOVIE THEATRE - LATER

Summer, Tom, Sarah, Martin in a row. Summer’s face is cold,
emotionless. Tom tries to look at her, to make eye contact,
something. She knows he’s looking but it doesn’t make her
head turn his way. Tom gives up and watches the movie.

ANGLE ON THE MOVIE SCREEN. We see a BLACK AND WHITE FILM.
83.



It’s a MAN racing down the street, fleeing from an unseen
assassin. When he turns around we see the man is TOM. Bullets
fly and he’s hit repeatedly in the back while running away
like Belmondo in BREATHLESS. He dies an elaborate, violent,
horrible on-screen death.


(228)
INT CLUB - NIGHT

Rave music blares. Tom stands off to the side looking
miserable. Summer is on the dance floor. Though she’s not
really dancing with anyone in particular, she’s dancing with
everyone. Finally she comes over, white shirt dripping with
sweat and clearly a little high on one thing or another.

SUMMER
You’re not having any fun.

TOM
You’re having enough for both of
us.

SUMMER
I’m dancing. I haven’t danced in
ages. God. Come on.

TOM
No.

SUMMER
Come on! I wanna dance with you.
Genres: ["Romantic Comedy","Drama"]

Summary In this scene, Tom showcases his creativity and charm while helping coworkers write heartfelt messages in the Weddings and Anniversaries Suite. However, tension arises when he awkwardly introduces Summer to his parents at a movie theater, leading to confusion about their relationship status. As Summer becomes increasingly uncomfortable, the emotional distance between them grows, culminating in a silent moment as they watch a violent film together.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Engaging dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Some awkward pacing in interactions

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 6.5

This scene's primary job is to escalate the central relationship conflict by forcing the 'girlfriend' label into the open, which it does effectively through the awkward parent encounter and Summer's pointed questions. The biggest limiter is that the surreal film sequence, while creative, feels tonally jarring and slightly indulgent, pulling focus from the grounded emotional tension that makes the scene work.


Story Content

Concept: 7

The concept of using a parent run-in to expose the relationship's undefined status is classic and effective. The surreal film death is a fresh, visually inventive way to show Tom's emotional state, though it risks feeling gimmicky.

Plot: 7

The plot advances the central conflict: Summer's discomfort with being called a girlfriend is made explicit, and Tom's inability to define the relationship is highlighted. The scene also sets up the club scene that follows.

Originality: 6.5

The parent run-in is a familiar trope, but the film sequence is a fresh, surreal way to externalize Tom's emotional death. The Yiddish joke and the Mahogany Writers are original character beats.


Character Development

Characters: 7.5

Tom's panic and avoidance are clear, and Summer's disappointment is well-drawn. Sarah and Martin are functional but one-note. The scene deepens our understanding of Tom's fear of commitment and Summer's desire for clarity.

Character Changes: 4

Tom doesn't change much—he remains conflicted and avoidant. Summer's disappointment hardens slightly. The change is subtle but present: the relationship's fault line is now visible.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to navigate his romantic relationship with Summer and manage his family's expectations. This reflects his deeper desire for connection and understanding.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to maintain a facade of normalcy and avoid conflict with his family. This reflects the immediate challenge of balancing his personal life with his family dynamics.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict is strong: Tom vs. Summer over the label, Tom vs. his own fear, and the awkward social situation with his parents. The conflict is both external and internal.

Opposition: 7

The opposition comes from Summer's direct questions and her emotional withdrawal, as well as Tom's own internal fear. The parents are unwitting opposition.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes are emotional: the future of the relationship. The scene raises the question of whether they can survive this lack of definition.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by making the relationship's central problem explicit. It sets up the club scene where Summer dances away from Tom.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because the parent run-in is a classic but well-executed surprise, and the film sequence where Tom is shot dead is a genuinely unexpected stylistic choice.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict revolves around the protagonist's struggle to define his relationship with Summer and reconcile it with his family's expectations. This challenges his beliefs about love, commitment, and honesty.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene generates genuine awkwardness and tension. Summer's cold face in the theatre and Tom's helplessness are emotionally resonant. The film sequence adds a layer of existential dread.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue is natural and sharp, especially the exchange about 'girlfriend' and the step-dad's hug. The parent dialogue is a bit broad but serves the scene. The Yiddish joke is a nice character beat.

Engagement: 7.5

This scene is engaging because the parent encounter creates immediate, cringe-worthy tension, and the film sequence offers a surprising visual metaphor. The emotional stakes are clear and relatable.

Pacing: 7.5

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness because the office montage is brisk and fun, the parent encounter slows down for maximum awkwardness, and the film sequence provides a sudden tonal shift. The club scene feels like a natural, if melancholy, coda.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

Formatting is professional and clear. Scene headings are correct, action lines are concise, and dialogue is properly attributed. The use of ANGLE ON and CUT TO is standard.

Structure: 7

The scene has a clear three-part structure: the office montage showing Tom's skill, the parent encounter creating conflict, and the film sequence/club setup. The structure is effective for a romantic comedy, though the film sequence breaks the realistic tone.


Critique
  • The scene effectively showcases Tom's charm and creativity in a lighthearted way, contrasting with the tension in his relationship with Summer. However, the transition from the Weddings and Anniversaries Suite to the movie theater feels abrupt. The connection between Tom's work and his personal life could be more explicitly drawn to enhance the narrative flow.
  • The dialogue is witty and captures Tom's personality well, but it could benefit from more subtext. For instance, while Tom is trying to impress his coworkers, there could be hints of his underlying insecurities about his relationship with Summer that seep into his interactions.
  • The introduction of Tom's parents adds a layer of complexity to the scene, but their characterization feels somewhat clichéd. They come off as typical concerned parents without much depth. Adding unique traits or quirks could make them more memorable and relatable.
  • Summer's reaction to being introduced as Tom's girlfriend is pivotal, yet her emotional shift feels somewhat sudden. More build-up to her discomfort could enhance the tension and make her feelings more believable. Perhaps a brief internal monologue or a flashback could illustrate her past experiences with labels in relationships.
  • The use of the movie as a metaphor for Tom's emotional state is clever, but it could be more explicitly tied to his feelings about Summer. The violent imagery on screen could parallel his internal conflict more directly, perhaps by incorporating a line of dialogue or a thought that connects the two.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment where Tom reflects on his feelings for Summer while he interacts with his coworkers, subtly foreshadowing the tension that arises later.
  • Enhance the parents' dialogue with unique phrases or anecdotes that reveal their personalities, making them feel more like real characters rather than archetypes.
  • Include a moment where Summer's discomfort is visually represented, such as her body language or facial expressions, to emphasize her emotional state without relying solely on dialogue.
  • Incorporate a line or two that connects the violent film to Tom's feelings about his relationship with Summer, perhaps through a voiceover or a thought that parallels his on-screen experience with his real-life struggles.
  • Consider extending the awkwardness of the introduction to Tom's parents by having them ask more probing questions about his relationship with Summer, which could heighten the tension and lead to a more dramatic reaction from Summer.



Scene 19 -  Loneliness in the Rain
TOM
Where were you an hour ago? I might
have danced then. I’ve been
standing here by myself this whole
time and you didn’t look over once.

SUMMER
So you’re pissed?

TOM
I’m not pissed. Summer... you know
I hate this shit.

SUMMER
Then why are you here?
84.



TOM
This is what you wanted to do
so...we’re doing it.

SUMMER
Yeah well, I didn’t need a
chaperone. Go home. You’re a
buzzkill standing there pouting.

TOM
(hurt)
That’s real nice.

He walks off. She feels some guilt for a second.

SUMMER
Tom!

But when he doesn’t turn around she just shakes it off and
starts dancing again.

LATER. Tom is outside in the rain. We can still hear the
music blaring from the club. Summer is in there. Tom is
alone. He can’t believe it’s come to this.


(251)
FADE UP: “YOU MAKE MY DREAMS COME TRUE” by Hall and Oates.


EXT STREET - MORNING

The worst morning ever.

Tom walks down the street. Or, more accurately, Tom sulks
down the street. Though it’s sunny and warm, Tom is a sad,
broken man and the world is an awful place. There’s still
Hall and Oates following Tom, almost trying to cheer him up.
He checks out his reflection in a window. Ron Howard’s
brother Clint looks back.

Tom walks by a COUPLE making out on a bench. He grimaces.

He walks by a sign that says “TODAY ONLY: FREE BEER.” He
doesn’t even stop.

Cartoon Bird returns but Tom swats it away.

The WORLD’S MOST BEAUTIFUL WOMAN stops to ask him for
directions. He doesn’t even look up.
85.



Tom’s parade of supporters, The Postman, Mayor McCheese, all
of them shake their heads and give him disapproving looks.
The Cartoon Bird takes a cartoon shit on Tom’s shoulder. Tom
tries to kill the bird. Can’t even manage that.


INT OFFICE - SAME

He passes Summer desk on the way in. She’s no longer there.
He miserably sits down at his desk, tries to work but he ends
up just staring into space.


INT VANCE’S OFFICE - DAY

Tom has been called into the Principal’s office.

TOM
You wanted to see me, Mr. Vance?

VANCE
Yes Hansen. Sit down.

TOM
Ok.

VANCE.
Has something happened to you
recently?

TOM
What do you mean?

VANCE
A death in the family, someone
taken ill...anything like that?

TOM
No.

VANCE
Look, I don’t mean to pry. Does
this have something to do with
Summer leaving.

TOM
Who?

VANCE.
My assistant.
86.



TOM
(faking badly)
Your...?

VANCE.
Tom...everyone knows. Nevermind.
The reason I’m asking... lately
your work performance has been... a
little off.

TOM
I’m not following.

VANCE
For example, here’s something you
wrote last week...
(reads from a card on his
desk)
“Roses are Red, Violets are Blue.
Fuck You Whore.” Now...most
shoppers on Valentine’s Day ---

TOM
Mr. Vance... are you firing me?

VANCE
No, no, no. Relax Hansen. You’re
one of our most... adequate
writers.

TOM
Ok. Well, I’m sorry. Things for me
have been a little difficult.

VANCE
That’s ok. I understand that. I was
just thinking... perhaps you could
channel your energy into... this.

He hands him some sympathy cards.

TOM
Funerals and sympathy?

VANCE
Misery, sadness, loss of faith, no
reasons to live... it’s perfect for
you. Whaddaya say? Good? Good. Now
back to work you go.

He quickly ushers him out of the office.
87.




(383)
INT TOM’S BEDROOM - MORNING

Tom wakes up. He gets his bearings and then quickly rolls
onto the floor and begins a brief push-up routine.

NARRATOR (V.O.)
Most days of the year are entirely
unremarkable. They begin and they
end without creating a single
lasting memory. Most days have no
real impact on the course of a
life.

The phone rings. Tom stops his push-ups to answer it.

NARRATOR (V.O.)
May 8th was a Saturday.


INT DELI - DAY

Tom walks in to find Paul and McKenzie at a table. They look
extremely nervous.

TOM
What’s going on?

Neither one answers him. They look at each other. Finally...

PAUL
We have news.

TOM
Ok.

MCKENZIE
It’s about her.

TOM
Do I want to hear it?

PAUL
Thats what we wanted to ask you.

MCKENZIE
It’s just...lately you’ve
been...better.
88.



PAUL
You’ve been much much better.

MCKENZIE
So maybe it’s best we don’t ever
bring her up again.

PAUL
Just let sleeping dogs lie.

MCKENZIE
Leave those dogs alone Tom!
Genres: ["Romantic Comedy","Drama"]

Summary Tom confronts Summer about her absence at the club, feeling hurt and alone as she dismisses his feelings and continues to dance. Outside in the rain, he reflects on his loneliness, which carries into the next morning as he walks through the city, visibly depressed and ignoring the joy around him. At work, his declining performance is noted by Mr. Vance, who suggests he channel his emotions into writing sympathy cards, highlighting Tom's emotional struggles and isolation.
Strengths
  • Effective portrayal of emotions
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Complex character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Some cliched elements
  • Predictable plot points

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 6.5

This scene effectively captures Tom's post-breakup despair and the awkward workplace fallout, but its reliance on montage-like sequences and a narrator's voiceover dilutes the dramatic tension and makes the emotional journey feel somewhat disjointed. The biggest limiter is the lack of a clear, active conflict within the scene itself, which prevents it from fully landing as a turning point.


Story Content

Concept: 7

The concept of showing heartbreak through a series of vignettes (walking in rain, ignoring free beer, swatting a cartoon bird) is creative and visually expressive, but the narrator's intrusion and the shift to the office scene feel like a retreat from the more surreal, internal approach.

Plot: 5.5

The plot advances Tom's story by showing his depression and its professional consequences (Vance's talk), but the scene is more a series of emotional snapshots than a causally driven sequence. The transition from the club to the morning is abrupt.

Originality: 7

The use of a narrator and surreal imagery to depict heartbreak is a fresh take on a familiar situation, but the dialogue and office dynamics are conventional.


Character Development

Characters: 6.5

Tom's character is consistently portrayed as heartbroken and passive, but Summer is absent, and the friends' scene at the deli is too brief to add depth. Vance is a functional but one-note boss.

Character Changes: 2

Tom shows no significant change; he remains depressed and passive. The scene ends with him still in the same emotional state, though the narrator hints at a future turning point.

Internal Goal: 6

The protagonist's internal goal is to deal with his feelings of hurt and rejection from Summer. It reflects his need for validation and acceptance.

External Goal: 5

The protagonist's external goal is to cope with the aftermath of his breakup with Summer and navigate his work performance issues.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 4

The conflict is internal (Tom vs. his own despair) and external (Tom vs. Summer's rejection, Tom vs. Vance's criticism), but it's low-intensity and resolved passively—Tom just accepts the sympathy card assignment.

Opposition: 3

The opposition Tom faces is mostly internal (his own depression) and passive (Summer's absence, Vance's mild criticism). There is no active antagonist pushing against him.

High Stakes: 4

The stakes are personal (Tom's emotional recovery and job security) but feel low because the scene focuses on his internal state rather than any immediate external threat or decision.

Story Forward: 5

The scene moves the story forward by showing Tom's professional decline and setting up his new role writing sympathy cards, but it feels like a holding pattern rather than a decisive step.

Unpredictability: 5

This scene is unpredictable because of the surreal elements (cartoon bird, parade of supporters) that subvert the expected realistic depiction of heartbreak, though the overall arc (Tom is sad) is predictable.

Philosophical Conflict: 3

The philosophical conflict is between Tom's desire for love and happiness and the harsh realities of life and work. It challenges his beliefs about relationships and personal fulfillment.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The scene evokes sympathy for Tom, especially the montage of his misery, but the humor (cartoon bird, 'Fuck You Whore' card) undercuts the emotional weight, creating a mixed effect.

Dialogue: 6

The dialogue is sparse but effective in the club scene, capturing Tom's hurt and Summer's dismissiveness. The narrator's voiceover, however, is expositional and tells us what we already see, weakening the impact.

Engagement: 6.5

This scene is engaging because of its visual humor (cartoon bird, ignoring free beer) and the relatable depiction of post-breakup misery, but the pacing drags in the office and deli sections.

Pacing: 6

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness because the quick cuts between Tom's misery and the office create a sense of his scattered mental state, but the deli scene feels tacked on and slows momentum.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting is standard and clear, with proper scene headings and action lines. The use of parentheticals and voiceover notation is correct.

Structure: 6

The scene uses a montage structure (walk, office, boss's office, deli) that is appropriate for a romantic comedy's 'darkest moment' beat, but the transitions are abrupt and the narrator's voiceover feels like a crutch.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures Tom's emotional turmoil and sense of isolation, particularly through his confrontation with Summer and his subsequent actions. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext to deepen the emotional stakes. For instance, instead of Tom directly stating his feelings of hurt, he could express them through more nuanced language or actions that reveal his vulnerability.
  • Summer's character comes across as somewhat dismissive, which can be interpreted as a lack of depth in her motivations. It would be beneficial to explore her perspective more, perhaps by giving her a line that hints at her own insecurities or reasons for wanting to dance alone, which would create a more complex dynamic between her and Tom.
  • The transition from the club to the rainy street outside is visually striking, but the emotional impact could be heightened by incorporating more sensory details. Describing the sounds of the club fading away or the feeling of the rain on Tom's skin could enhance the audience's connection to his despair.
  • The use of humor, such as the cartoon bird, adds a layer of absurdity to Tom's situation, but it risks undermining the emotional weight of the scene. Balancing the comedic elements with the serious themes of heartbreak and loneliness is crucial to maintain the scene's overall tone.
  • The introduction of the principal's office scene feels abrupt and could benefit from a smoother transition. It might be more effective to show Tom's emotional state lingering into his work environment, allowing the audience to see how his personal life is affecting his professional demeanor.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more subtext to the dialogue between Tom and Summer, allowing their emotions to be conveyed through indirect means rather than explicit statements.
  • Explore Summer's character further by giving her a line that reveals her own vulnerabilities or motivations for her behavior, creating a more balanced dynamic between her and Tom.
  • Enhance the sensory details during the transition from the club to the street, focusing on the sounds and feelings that accompany Tom's emotional state.
  • Reassess the balance between humor and emotional weight in the scene, ensuring that comedic elements do not detract from the seriousness of Tom's heartbreak.
  • Create a more seamless transition to the principal's office scene by incorporating Tom's emotional state into his work environment, illustrating the impact of his personal struggles on his professional life.



Scene 20 -  Heartbreak and Chaos
TOM
You guys, look, I’m... I appreciate
what you’re saying and, thank you,
really, for putting up with me
these past few months. I’ve been
crazy. But I’ve accepted the fact
that she and I were just two very
different people who wanted very
different things. I wanted to get
serious. Shit, I loved her. And I
know now, she just isn’t the kind
of girl who can settle down with
one person and be happy. The way I
wanted. And she probably never
will. There was nothing I could do.

Mckenzie and Paul just sit there. Now more uncomfortable than
ever. On Tom, we:

CUT TO:


EXT DELI - SECONDS LATER

Tom comes charging out of the place with his friends
following behind.

TOM
There’s no fucking way!

MCKENZIE
Tom.

TOM
It can’t be. It’s impossible!

PAUL
It is.
89.



TOM
How do you know?

On Tom’s pained face we...

CUT TO:


INT TOM’S BEDROOM

Tom is going apeshit in his room. He’s ripping down posters,
taking pictures out of frames and tearing them apart. He
punches the wall. He drinks an entire bottle of red wine. He
tries to find something to kick and can’t. He throws his cell
phone off his balcony. Finally he collapses on the bed.


(384)
INT TOM’S BEDROOM

The half-destroyed alarm clock goes off. Tom hits the off
button.


(385)
INT TOM’S BEDROOM

Same exact thing.


(386)
INT SUPERMARKET - DAY

Tom, in a robe and boxer shorts, buys milk, OJ, cigarettes,
Jack Daniels, and twinkies.

The CLERK eyes him suspiciously.


EXT STREET - SAME

Tom sees a COUPLE kissing on the sidewalk. He winces. He sees
ANOTHER COUPLE entwined on a bench. It’s killing him. He sees
a THIRD COUPLE walking towards him holding hands. He snaps.
90.



TOM
Jesus Christ people! Get a room!

They look at this lunatic in his robe and quickly walk away.


(387)
INT TOM’S BEDROOM

Alarm clock. We PAN ACROSS to see Tom is wide awake. He
probably hasn’t slept in a day or so. He has no reaction to
the alarm.


INT OFFICE - LATER

Tom actually wanders in to work, wearing sunglasses and the
clothes he slept in. People pass and say hello. He can’t
muster responses. At his desk,

MCKENZIE
Tom!

Nothing.

MCKENZIE
I’ve been calling every five
minutes. Are you ok?

TOM
What? Oh yeah. Great.

MCKENZIE
Do you need anything?

TOM
Twinkies?

MCKENZIE
Sorry.

TOM
I’m out of twinkies.

MCKENZIE
Well let’s go.

TOM
Go... where?
91.



MCKENZIE
It’s Thursday.


INT BOARDROOM - LATER

Tom sits next to McKenzie and across from Vance. He’s in his
usual boardroom position, which is to say, near comatose.

A female CO-WORKER, 50s, stands at the front of the room in
mid-presentation, showing slides that have something to do
with a cat in various poses. First we see, “Cat Reaching Up
for Out-of-Reach Milk Bowl.”

CO-WORKER
This one says “Go for it!”

She clicks to the next slide. “Cat Hanging From Tree Branch.”

CO-WORKER
This one says “Don’t give up!”

Click. We see “Cat Considering a Giant Leap.”

CO-WORKER
And this one says “You can do it!”
We have a whole line of
inspirational cards featuring
Pickles, my cat. I think people
will really enjoy them. Thank you.

She takes her seat.

VANCE.
Good job Rhoda, I agree. Really
inspirational stuff. Now, who’s
next. We haven’t heard from
“Sympathy” in a while. Hansen...

TOM
(reacting to his name)
Hmm?

VANCE.
The Winter collection. You have
anything to contribute?

TOM
Uh...no. I really don’t.

VANCE.
You have nothing?
92.



TOM
Well I wouldn’t say nothing...
Actually, that’s about right.

VANCE.
(disappointed)
Oh...k. We’ll come back to you.
McKenzie --

TOM
You know what...?

VANCE.
Yes Tom.

TOM
Can I say something about the cat?

VANCE
Well sure. Go ahead.

TOM
This here is, and Rhoda, you know I
mean no disrespect... but this...
this is total shit.

MCKENZIE
Tom!

TOM
“Don’t give up?” “You can do it?”

He points to the screen, still showing the “Cat About to
Leap” image.

TOM
This isn’t inspirational. It’s
suicidal. He tries that jump, I’m
writing a sympathy card for that
cat. That’s the last thing I want
to be doing with my life. It’s bad
enough writing these things for
people.

VANCE
Hansen, this is a place of
business. We don’t cut down our co-
workers --

TOM
That’s cause we’re liars! It’s what
we do here. Why don’t we level with
people? Stop feeding them nonsense?
93.



CO-WORKER (RHODA)
We’re a greeting card company.
Genres: ["Drama","Romance","Comedy"]

Summary Tom grapples with the emotional fallout of a breakup, expressing heartbreak and frustration during a tense moment with friends Mckenzie and Paul at a deli. After storming out, he destructively vents his feelings in his bedroom, leading to a disheveled appearance at work. His internal struggle culminates in an explosive outburst during a presentation about inspirational cat cards, where he harshly criticizes the positivity he finds insincere, leaving a tense atmosphere in the boardroom.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Realistic portrayal of relationships
Weaknesses
  • Lack of resolution
  • Limited interaction with other characters

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 6.5

This scene's primary job is to dramatize Tom's rock-bottom despair through a workplace meltdown that is both funny and painful. It lands well in its raw emotional honesty and the cat-card metaphor, but the overall score is limited by the scene's fragmented structure—jumping between Tom's rant, the deli outburst, and his bedroom destruction without a clear through-line—which dilutes the impact of the boardroom confrontation.


Story Content

Concept: 7.5

The concept of a heartbroken greeting-card writer trashing a coworker's inspirational cat-card pitch is fresh and thematically resonant, but the execution feels slightly disjointed as the scene jumps between locations.

Plot: 5.5

The plot advances Tom's downward spiral but is more a series of vignettes than a coherent scene; the deli outburst and bedroom destruction feel like separate beats rather than a unified progression.

Originality: 7

The cat-card pitch as a metaphor for emotional denial is original and authentic, but the 'heartbroken man destroys his room' trope is familiar and less fresh.


Character Development

Characters: 7

Tom's character is vividly drawn in his raw pain and sarcasm, but the supporting characters (McKenzie, Paul, Vance, Rhoda) are thinly sketched and serve mainly as foils.

Character Changes: 6

Tom changes from trying to accept the breakup to fully unraveling, but the change is more a deepening of his despair than a new direction.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to come to terms with his failed relationship and find closure. This reflects his need for emotional healing and acceptance of the situation.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to maintain a sense of normalcy in his work and personal life despite his emotional turmoil. This reflects the immediate challenge of balancing personal and professional responsibilities.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

Conflict is high—Tom vs. his coworkers, Tom vs. his own emotions, Tom vs. the world—but the deli outburst feels like a rehash of earlier anger rather than a new escalation.

Opposition: 5.5

The opposition Tom faces is mostly internal (his own grief) and societal (the platitudes of the greeting-card world), with coworkers as mild antagonists who don't actively oppose him.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes are personal (Tom's sanity, his job) but feel low because the scene is more about emotional expression than concrete consequences.

Story Forward: 5.5

The scene moves the story forward by showing Tom hitting a new low, but it doesn't introduce new information or a turning point—it's a plateau of pain.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because the cat-card rant comes out of nowhere in a corporate meeting, subverting expectations of a typical workplace scene.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between the protagonist's desire for authenticity and honesty in communication versus the societal expectation of maintaining a facade of positivity and conformity. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs about honesty and authenticity in relationships and communication.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7.5

The emotional impact is strong in the boardroom scene (Tom's raw honesty) and the bedroom destruction, but the deli scene undercuts the momentum with a more cartoonish tone.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue is sharp and authentic, especially Tom's rant about the cat card, but some exchanges (like the deli outburst) feel repetitive and less impactful.

Engagement: 7.5

This scene is engaging because Tom's meltdown is both hilarious and heartbreaking, and the cat-card metaphor is a memorable, darkly comic highlight.

Pacing: 6.5

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness because the rapid cuts between locations mirror Tom's frantic emotional state, but the deli scene feels like a redundant beat that slows momentum.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

Formatting is standard and clean, with clear scene headings and action lines, though the rapid cuts between locations could be confusing without the backstory.

Structure: 5

The structure is episodic and fragmented, jumping between locations without a clear dramatic arc within the scene, which weakens its cohesion for a romantic comedy/drama.


Critique
  • The emotional arc of Tom in this scene is compelling, showcasing his frustration and heartbreak over his relationship with Summer. However, the transition from the deli to his bedroom feels abrupt. The emotional buildup could benefit from a smoother transition that connects Tom's feelings in the deli to his subsequent outburst at home.
  • Tom's dialogue in the deli effectively conveys his acceptance of the situation with Summer, but it lacks a moment of vulnerability that could deepen the audience's connection to his pain. Adding a line that reflects his inner turmoil or a specific memory of Summer could enhance the emotional weight.
  • The physicality of Tom's breakdown in his bedroom is powerful, but it risks overshadowing the emotional nuance established in the deli. The chaotic actions could be balanced with moments of introspection, allowing the audience to feel both his anger and sadness more profoundly.
  • The introduction of the supermarket scene feels somewhat disconnected from the previous emotional beats. While it illustrates Tom's state of mind, it could be more impactful if it included a brief reflection on his feelings about love or relationships as he observes couples, reinforcing his emotional struggle.
  • The boardroom scene effectively contrasts Tom's emotional state with the mundane presentation about cats. However, the dialogue could be sharpened to emphasize Tom's disillusionment with his job and life choices. His outburst should feel like a culmination of his emotional journey rather than a sudden shift.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of silence or reflection after Tom's speech in the deli before he storms out. This could heighten the tension and allow the audience to absorb his feelings.
  • Incorporate a specific memory or moment that Tom recalls while expressing his feelings about Summer in the deli. This could create a stronger emotional connection for the audience.
  • Balance the chaotic breakdown in Tom's bedroom with moments of introspection. Perhaps include a voiceover or internal monologue that reveals his thoughts as he destroys his belongings.
  • In the supermarket scene, have Tom overhear a couple's conversation or see something that triggers a memory of Summer, deepening the emotional impact of his observations.
  • Enhance the dialogue in the boardroom scene to reflect Tom's internal conflict more clearly. Consider having him articulate his feelings about the greeting card industry and how it mirrors his own struggles with love and honesty.



Scene 21 -  The Truth Behind the Cards
TOM
Yes but think about it! Why do
people buy these things? Not to say
how they feel. There’s paper and
pens for that. People give these
cards when they can’t say how they
feel. Or they’re afraid to. And we
provide the service that lets ‘em
get away with that!

Tom is getting excited. The rest of the room is growing
uncomfortable.

TOM
I say to hell with it! Let’s level
with America. Or at least make them
speak for themselves! I mean,
seriously, what’s this...
(picks a card off the
table)
“I’m sorry to hear your grandmother
has passed.” What the hell? Let’s
give em some truth. Something like,
“Sorry to hear about your
grandmother. Here’s a card so I get
some credit in your time of need.
I’m sure it makes up for the fact
that grandma’s dead.”

Vance and the card-writing team are appalled.

TOM
Think about it.
(picks up another card)
“Congratulations on your new baby.”
Eh... How bout... “Congratulations
on your new baby... Guess that’s it
for hanging out. Nice knowing ya,
buddy.”

VANCE
Hansen, sit down!

TOM
(picks up a card)
Wait, what’s this? Ooh... fancy!
Look at this one with all the
hearts. Let’s open it up. “Happy
Valentine’s Day, Sweetheart. I love
you.” Oh that’s nice.
94.



MCKENZIE
Tom...

TOM
If someone gave me this card, Mr.
Vance... I would eat it.

MCKENZIE
Tom!

Tom recognizes he’s losing his shit. He takes a seat on the
boardroom table.

TOM
(beat)
It’s these greeting cards, Sir,
these cards, these movies, these
pop songs. They’re responsible for
all the lies, the heartache,
everything! We’re responsible!
Everyone shifts in their seats.

TOM
I think we do a bad thing here.
People should be able to say how
they feel, how they really feel,
without some strangers putting
words in their mouths. The truth. A
card is a nice thought but it
shouldn’t do the dirty work for
you. You love someone, tell them
yourself, in your own words. Maybe
it’s not love at all. Maybe there’s
no such thing as love. Maybe
it’s... “galoogoo.”
(beat)
Yeah I made it up, so what?!

Tom gets up and walks to the door.

TOM
It’s all crap. We make and peddle
crap. And sometimes people believe
in this crap. I just can’t do it
anymore, Mr. Vance. There’s enough
bullshit in the world without my
help. I quit.
95.



And with that he gets up and walks off. The room is pretty
stunned. Someone coughs. McKenzie tries to start a clap. It
doesn’t really take.

CUT TO:


EXT BUILDING - MINUTES LATER

Tom comes outside with some boxes. He stands out in front of
the building. His face says one thing. “Holy shit. Did I just
do that?!” And then we,

CUT TO:


(383)
EXT DELI - SAME AS EARLIER

Tom and his friends on the sidewalk outside the deli.

TOM
There’s no fucking way!

MCKENZIE
Tom.

TOM
It can’t be. It’s impossible!

PAUL
It is.

TOM
How do you know?

MCKENZIE
We know.

TOM
But... It’s May! We broke up last
August.

PAUL
I know.

TOM
And you said she was single at
Christmas.
96.



MCKENZIE
She was.

TOM
And now she’s...

MCKENZIE
Yeah.

TOM
Now she’s getting married.

PAUL
I’m so sorry Tom.

TOM
Married?

PAUL
It’s insane.

TOM
It’s impossible. It doesn’t make
sense. Where did they meet? Is it
someone we know?

PAUL
No.

TOM
So everything she said. All that
stuff about... it can’t be. Not
her. I know her too well. She
wouldn’t do that.

His friends say nothing.

TOM
(beat)
Fuck!

And with that he storms off.

MCKENZIE
Tom!

PAUL
Let him go.

ANGLE ON Tom walking away from them.

Literally, his entire universe falls apart.
97.



FX: BUILDINGS come crumbling down. The whole city turns to
rubble. He’s the only constant as the world around him is
ERASED, brick by brick, beam by beam, as if by an unseen
force and reduced to nothing.

CUT TO:


BLACK.

And we fade up those famous OPENING BARS OF “HAVA NAGILA.”


(399)
CU on a CIRCLE OF PEOPLE HOLDING HANDS, some young, some old,
Tom right in the mix trying hard to smile. Has he joined a
cult?

We are:


INT BALLROOM - NIGHT

Tom’s sister Rachel’s Bat Mitzvah. Tom and his family have
formed a traditional Hora. They dance in a big circle and
clap their hands. A chair is brought to the center and Rachel
is lifted high above the circle by Tom, his step-dad, and
some others.

CUT TO:

LATER. Rachel is standing by a cake with a microphone.
Genres: ["Drama","Romance","Comedy"]

Summary In a tense boardroom meeting at a greeting card company, Tom passionately denounces the insincerity of greeting cards, arguing they mask true emotions and perpetuate lies. His agitation escalates as he confronts his colleagues, particularly Vance, who is appalled by Tom's outburst, and McKenzie, who tries to calm him down. Ultimately, Tom's internal struggle leads to a dramatic resignation, leaving his stunned colleagues in shock as he walks out, grappling with the consequences of his actions.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Humorous dialogue
  • Character development
Weaknesses
  • Some may find the protagonist's outburst at work unrealistic

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 7.2

This scene serves as Tom's emotional and professional breaking point, landing his disillusionment with both his job and love with visceral clarity. The single biggest limiter is the tonal whiplash from the surreal city-collapse to the bat mitzvah, which undercuts the emotional gravity of the moment.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a greeting card writer quitting by exposing the industry's dishonesty is fresh and thematically resonant, but the execution leans heavily on ranting rather than dramatic action.

Plot: 7

The plot advances Tom's arc significantly—he quits his job and learns Summer is getting married—but the transition to the bat mitzvah feels abrupt and dilutes the momentum.

Originality: 8

The greeting card rant is a fresh take on workplace disillusionment, and the surreal city collapse is visually original, but the friends' scene is conventional.


Character Development

Characters: 7.5

Tom's character is vividly drawn through his passionate, self-destructive outburst, but his friends remain flat, serving only as news-bearers.

Character Changes: 6

Tom changes from a frustrated employee to a quitter, then to a devastated ex, but the change is more a confirmation of his arc than a new direction.

Internal Goal: 8

Tom's internal goal in this scene is to confront his own disillusionment with the company's practices and his own role in perpetuating insincerity. He desires authenticity and truth in communication, reflecting his deeper need for genuine connection and honesty.

External Goal: 7

Tom's external goal is to quit his job and distance himself from the company's practices that he finds morally objectionable. This goal reflects the immediate challenge he faces in standing up for his beliefs and values.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict is high—Tom vs. his boss, Tom vs. his own despair, and the news of Summer's marriage—but the friends' passive delivery reduces tension.

Opposition: 7

Tom faces opposition from his boss (Vance), societal norms (greeting cards), and the cruel reality of Summer's marriage, but the opposition is mostly internalized.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are personal and professional—Tom loses his job and his hope—but the surreal collapse and bat mitzvah lower the perceived stakes.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by ending Tom's job and revealing Summer's marriage, but the bat mitzvah feels like a reset rather than progression.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because Tom's quitting is a bold move, and the news of Summer's marriage is a shocking twist, but the surreal collapse feels tonally inconsistent.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the value of authenticity and honesty in communication versus the convenience and social norms of using greeting cards to convey emotions. Tom challenges the belief that greeting cards are a valid substitute for genuine expression.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7.5

The emotional impact is strong during the rant and the news of Summer's marriage, but the surreal city collapse and bat mitzvah shift dilute the sustained feeling.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is sharp and thematically pointed, especially Tom's rant, but some lines feel overwritten and less natural in the friends' exchange.

Engagement: 7.5

This scene is engaging because Tom's rant is cathartic and the news of Summer's marriage is a gut punch, but the surreal collapse and bat mitzvah interrupt the engagement.

Pacing: 7

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness because the rant builds energy, the quitting is a release, and the news is a slow burn, but the bat mitzvah feels rushed and jarring.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

Formatting is clean and professional, with clear scene headings and action lines, though the FX direction for the city collapse is a bit vague.

Structure: 7

The scene follows a classic three-beat structure: setup (rant), climax (quitting), and aftermath (news + surreal collapse), but the transition to the bat mitzvah breaks the structural unity.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures Tom's emotional turmoil and frustration with the greeting card industry, which serves as a metaphor for his struggles with communication and authenticity in relationships. However, the escalation of Tom's rant feels somewhat abrupt. While his passion is clear, the transition from a calm discussion to an explosive resignation could benefit from more gradual buildup to enhance the impact of his outburst.
  • Tom's dialogue is engaging and humorous, but it risks overshadowing the emotional weight of the moment. The humor in his critiques of greeting cards, while entertaining, may detract from the seriousness of his feelings about love and relationships. Balancing the humor with deeper emotional resonance could strengthen the scene.
  • The reactions of the other characters in the room, particularly Vance and McKenzie, could be more fleshed out. Their discomfort is noted, but adding specific reactions or expressions could heighten the tension and emphasize the absurdity of Tom's outburst. This would also provide a clearer contrast between Tom's emotional state and the reactions of his colleagues.
  • The scene ends with Tom walking out, which is a strong visual moment. However, the aftermath of his resignation could be explored further. A brief moment of reflection or a visual cue showing the impact of his decision on his colleagues could add depth to the scene and highlight the consequences of his actions.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment where Tom's frustration builds gradually before he reaches his breaking point. This could involve him initially expressing mild annoyance before escalating to a passionate outburst, making the transition feel more organic.
  • Incorporate more emotional depth into Tom's dialogue by allowing him to share a personal anecdote or experience that connects his feelings about greeting cards to his relationship with Summer. This would create a stronger emotional anchor for his rant.
  • Enhance the reactions of Vance and McKenzie by including specific lines or actions that illustrate their discomfort or disbelief. This could involve them exchanging glances, whispering to each other, or attempting to intervene, which would heighten the tension in the room.
  • After Tom's resignation, consider including a brief moment where he reflects on his decision outside the building. This could involve him grappling with the weight of his choice, providing a moment of introspection that adds depth to his character arc.



Scene 22 -  A Night of Awkward Questions
RACHEL
Your apple pies are really great.
So Uncle Sid and Aunt Ro, come
light candle number eight!

ANGLE ON TOM sitting with his mom Sarah at the table. They
clap. Mom looks at her son knowing something is wrong. Tom
catches her looking.

CUT TO:

LATER. Tom being accosted by two more Aunts.

AUNT ANITA
I can’t believe that. No
girlfriend?
98.



TOM
I can’t believe it either!

AUNT BETSY
What are you 30? You should be
married now. With a family. What
are you waiting for?

TOM
The right girl I guess.

AUNT BETSY
There’s girls everywhere. I bet you
have to beat em off with a stick.

TOM
Oh you’d be surprised.

AUNT ANITA
(actually squeezing his
cheeks)
Look at this punum. Are all those
girls blind?

AUNT BETSY
My friend Mimi has a granddaughter.
Yay high. Great figure. Bosom out
to here --

TOM
Hey I appreciate that Aunt Betsy.
Lord knows I like bosoms. It’s
just... I recently got out of
a...well, I don’t know what it was.

AUNT ANITA
Oh I’m sorry. When was that?

TOM
July.

AUNT BETSY
You mean...seven months ago?

AUNT ANITA
Was it a man?

TOM
What?

AUNT BETSY
She’s means ‘are you a homosexual?’
99.



TOM
No. Where’s that coming from?

AUNT BETSY
We just always wondered.

Awkward.

AUNT ANITA
So how’s work?

CUT TO:

LATER. Tom at the bar. He downs his drink in one gulp.

CUT TO:

LATER. ANGLE ON Tom alone at the table. The band plays “Lady
in Red” and everyone’s dancing. When we’re back on Tom, he’s
sitting with Summer.

TOM
Well...glad you came?

SUMMER
Of course. Where am I exactly?

TOM
When you turn 13 in the Jewish
religion, you officially become an
adult.

ANGLE ON RACHEL, dancing with a BOY.

SUMMER
Wow. So this is a big day in your
sister’s life.

TOM
Pretty big, yeah.

SUMMER
(beat)
So why aren’t you smiling?

ANGLE ON TOM. Alone. Still not smiling. Rachel arrives in the
nick of time.

RACHEL
Hey brother. Wanna dance?

She drags him to the dance floor.
100.



RACHEL
Hi.

TOM
You having fun? You were great this
morning.

RACHEL
Yeah yeah yeah. Talk to me. How are
you?

TOM
Me? I’m good. I’m great.

RACHEL
(re: Summer’s engagement)
I heard.

TOM
Yeah.

RACHEL
Sucks.

TOM
Yup.

It’s silent a few beats.

TOM
Anyway, who cares about me? This is
your day.

She hugs him. Tight. He doesn’t cry but he could.

RACHEL
You know, my friends... they’re all
in love with you.

TOM
Is that right?

RACHEL
Look.

He sees a coven of 13-year olds swooning across the dance
floor at him.

TOM
That’s nice.
101.



RACHEL
What I tell ya? There are plenty
other fish in the sea.

TOM
Those are guppies.

RACHEL
Who knows, someday one might turn
out to be your “true love.”

TOM
Are you making fun of me now?

RACHEL
No I’m serious.

TOM
I got news for you Rach. That true
love stuff... it’s make-believe.

RACHEL
Well that’s not very romantic.

TOM
It’s the new me.

The song ends.

TOM
Alright... go play with your
friends.

RACHEL
You’ll be ok?

TOM
(lying)
Sure.

RACHEL
Tom.

TOM
Hmm?

RACHEL
I know you think she was the
perfect girl for you...
(beat)
I don’t. I think you’re just
remembering the good stuff. But
what do I know, right? I’m 13.
102.



She blows him a kiss and then runs off and joins her girls.
Tom watches her go.

CUT TO:


(240)
SPLITSCREEN - TOM’S BEDROOM/ SUMMER’S BEDROOM - MORNING

Tom is wide-awake, sitting fully dressed on his bed putting
his shoes on. He holds the phone up to his ear.

TOM
Hey.

Summer is half-asleep under the covers. The phone lays at her
side and she angles towards it.

SUMMER
Hello?

TOM
Are you still sleeping?

SUMMER
(groggy)
I’m getting up. What time is it?

TOM
10:30. Are we still hanging out
today?

SUMMER
Ok. Sure.

TOM
I’ll meet you at Liberty in... 20
minutes?

SUMMER
I might need 45.


EXT PARK - DAY

Tom and Summer are having a picnic. If it looks familiar,
it’s cause we saw them here on page 7. This is that fateful
day Tom described to his sister and his friends. The day it
all, finally, fell apart.
103.



TOM
So how was last night?

SUMMER
It was fine. Just a work thing.
Genres: ["Drama","Romance","Comedy"]

Summary During a family celebration for Rachel's coming-of-age ceremony, Tom faces uncomfortable inquiries from his aunts about his single status and recent breakup. Despite Rachel's efforts to uplift him and suggest that he might find love again, Tom remains skeptical and isolated. The scene captures the tension between family expectations and personal struggles, ending with Tom watching Rachel leave to join her friends, emphasizing his feelings of loneliness.
Strengths
  • Authentic dialogue
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
Weaknesses
  • Lack of external conflict
  • Some awkward transitions

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 6.5

This scene's primary job is to show Tom's emotional state through family interaction and a pivotal conversation with his sister, which it does with warmth and authenticity. The single biggest limiter is that the scene feels like a familiar 'heartbroken guy at a family event' beat without a fresh dramatic turn, and a sharper conflict or revelation would lift it.


Story Content

Concept: 6.5

The concept of using a sister's bat mitzvah to explore Tom's unresolved feelings is solid and thematically appropriate, but it's a well-worn scenario in romantic comedies.

Plot: 5.5

The plot advances minimally—Tom is still stuck, Rachel offers perspective, and the scene ends with a setup for the picnic breakup. It's a connective tissue scene rather than a plot driver.

Originality: 6

The bat mitzvah setting is a fresh backdrop for this type of scene, and Rachel's voice is authentic. The aunt jokes are standard rom-com fare.


Character Development

Characters: 7

Tom's vulnerability and Rachel's precocious wisdom are well-drawn, but the aunts are broad stereotypes. Rachel's dialogue feels genuine and age-appropriate, adding depth.

Character Changes: 2

Tom doesn't change, but Rachel's words plant a seed. His cynicism is reinforced, not transformed.

Internal Goal: 7

Tom's internal goal is to navigate the pressure and scrutiny from his family regarding his relationship status and recent breakup. This reflects his deeper need for acceptance and understanding from his loved ones.

External Goal: 6.5

Tom's external goal is to maintain a facade of being okay and deflecting questions about his personal life. This reflects the immediate challenge of dealing with intrusive family members.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 4

Conflict is low-key: Tom's internal struggle vs. family expectations, and a gentle pushback from Rachel. No direct confrontation.

Opposition: 3.5

Opposition is mild—family pressure and Tom's own emotional walls. No active antagonist.

High Stakes: 4

Stakes are emotional (Tom's healing) but low in immediate consequence. The scene lacks urgency.

Story Forward: 4.5

The scene sets up the final breakup picnic, but mostly reiterates Tom's stagnation.

Unpredictability: 4

The scene is predictable—a heartbroken guy at a family event gets grilled by aunts and comforted by a sibling. Rachel's 'I'm 13' line is the only mild surprise.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict revolves around the idea of true love and romanticism. Tom's belief that true love is make-believe contrasts with Rachel's more optimistic view, challenging his values and worldview.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6.5

The hug and Rachel's speech create a genuine emotional beat, but the scene's overall sadness is muted by the party atmosphere.

Dialogue: 7.5

Dialogue is natural and often funny ('Those are guppies'), with Rachel's final speech landing emotionally. Some aunt exchanges feel a bit on-the-nose for comedy.

Engagement: 6.5

The scene is engaging because of Rachel's unexpected wisdom and the genuine emotional hug, but the aunt comedy feels like filler.

Pacing: 6.5

Pacing is steady but slow; the aunt scenes drag slightly, while the Rachel conversation has good rhythm. The cuts between moments work.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

Formatting is clean and professional—proper scene headings, clear action lines, well-placed CUT TOs. No errors.

Structure: 6.5

The scene follows a classic 'family event gauntlet' structure: arrival, awkward relative encounters, a moment of connection, then a pivot to the next plot point. It's competent but formulaic.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the awkwardness of family gatherings and the pressure that comes with societal expectations regarding relationships. Tom's interactions with his aunts highlight the comedic yet painful reality of being single at a certain age, which resonates with many viewers.
  • The dialogue is sharp and reflects the characters' personalities well, particularly the aunts' overbearing nature and Tom's discomfort. However, some lines could be tightened to enhance the comedic timing and flow. For instance, Aunt Betsy's line about Tom needing to beat girls off with a stick feels slightly clichéd and could be rephrased for a fresher take.
  • The emotional undertone of Tom's struggle with his recent breakup is present but could be more pronounced. While he mentions his breakup, the scene could benefit from deeper introspection or a more explicit expression of his feelings, perhaps through a brief internal monologue or a more poignant reaction to his aunts' comments.
  • The transition between the family gathering and the later moments with Summer feels abrupt. A smoother transition could help maintain the emotional continuity and emphasize Tom's internal conflict as he moves from the pressure of family expectations to his relationship with Summer.
  • Rachel's character serves as a good foil to Tom, providing a youthful perspective on love. However, her dialogue could be more impactful if it included a moment of genuine concern for Tom's feelings rather than just playful teasing. This would add depth to their sibling relationship.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment where Tom reflects internally on his feelings about being single, perhaps through a voiceover or a brief flashback to happier times with Summer. This would enhance the emotional weight of the scene.
  • Revise some of the aunts' dialogue to avoid clichés and make their comments feel more unique to their characters. This could involve giving them distinct quirks or perspectives that reflect their personalities more vividly.
  • Introduce a visual element that symbolizes Tom's emotional state, such as a close-up of his expression as he listens to his aunts, which could convey his discomfort and frustration without needing additional dialogue.
  • Create a more gradual transition to the next scene with Summer by including a moment where Tom leaves the family gathering, perhaps showing him taking a deep breath or looking back at his family with a mix of emotions before cutting to the picnic.
  • Enhance Rachel's role by giving her a line that shows her genuine concern for Tom's well-being, which would deepen their sibling bond and provide a contrast to the more superficial comments from the aunts.



Scene 23 -  Fruits of Disconnection
TOM
Where did you guys go?

SUMMER
Some restaurant.

TOM
Fun?

SUMMER
Uneventful. Didn’t get home until
after 12 though which is way too
late for a stupid work function.
How was your night?

TOM
Pretty standard.

Not much more to say. Stay with them for a few extra beats of
silence.


EXT OUTDOOR MARKET - LATER

Tom and Summer shopping at the fruit market. Unless we were
looking for trouble we wouldn’t see any. But since we are, we
might notice she lags behind him as they walk through the
aisles. His hands are in his pockets. He’s bored. She’s
distant. But only if we’re really looking.


(406)
Genres: ["Romance","Drama"]

Summary In this scene, Tom and Summer engage in a brief conversation about their uneventful nights, revealing a growing emotional distance between them. As they shop at an outdoor fruit market, Tom appears bored and disconnected, while Summer lags behind, responding to his questions with disinterest. The subdued tone and lingering silence emphasize their lack of connection, leaving their relationship unresolved.
Strengths
  • Subtle tension and emotional depth
  • Effective portrayal of unspoken emotions
  • Strong character development
Weaknesses
  • Limited dialogue may require careful execution to maintain audience engagement

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 5.5

This scene's primary job is to show the growing emotional rift between Tom and Summer after their fight, and it lands effectively through quiet, observational detail. The single biggest limiter is the lack of any clear internal or external goal for either character, making the scene feel more like a mood piece than a story beat that advances the plot.


Story Content

Concept: 5.5

The concept of showing a couple's disconnect through mundane, everyday activities (work talk, fruit shopping) is solid, but it's a familiar trope in relationship dramas and doesn't offer a fresh twist here.

Plot: 3.5

The plot barely moves forward; the scene is a static snapshot of their strained dynamic with no new information or event that changes the trajectory.

Originality: 5

The use of physical staging (lagging behind, hands in pockets) to show emotional distance is a fresh take on a familiar relationship trope, but the dialogue is generic.


Character Development

Characters: 5.5

Tom and Summer are consistent with their established personas—Tom is passive and hurt, Summer is distant and guarded—but neither reveals a new layer or undergoes any change here.

Character Changes: 1

Neither character changes; they remain in the same emotional state as at the start of the scene.

Internal Goal: 4

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to maintain a sense of normalcy and avoid confrontation with Summer. This reflects his deeper fear of losing her or facing the reality of their failing relationship.

External Goal: 2

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to appear nonchalant and unbothered by Summer's behavior. This reflects the immediate challenge of dealing with their strained relationship dynamics.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 3

Conflict is low—there's no argument or direct confrontation, only a palpable tension and avoidance.

Opposition: 3

The opposition is passive—Summer's emotional withdrawal and the social awkwardness of their situation—rather than an active antagonist.

High Stakes: 2

Stakes are very low—the scene is about a quiet moment of disconnection with no immediate consequences.

Story Forward: 2

The scene does not move the story forward; it reinforces the status quo of their strained relationship without introducing a new complication or decision.

Unpredictability: 4

This scene is unpredictable because it subverts expectations of a dramatic confrontation, instead offering a quiet, observational moment.

Philosophical Conflict: 3

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the disconnect between appearance and reality in relationships. Tom and Summer's superficial conversation masks deeper issues in their relationship.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 4.5

The emotional impact is muted; the scene evokes a quiet sadness but doesn't land a strong punch due to its brevity and lack of stakes.

Dialogue: 5

The dialogue is minimal and realistic, capturing the awkwardness of forced small talk, but it lacks subtext or a memorable exchange that deepens the scene.

Engagement: 5.5

This scene is engaging because it relies on visual storytelling and silence to convey emotion, inviting the reader to read between the lines.

Pacing: 6.5

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness because the slow, deliberate rhythm mirrors the characters' emotional distance and the awkwardness of their interaction.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

Formatting is clean and professional, with clear scene headings and action lines. The parenthetical '(406)' at the end is unexplained but likely a page number.

Structure: 4.5

The scene follows a simple two-part structure: a brief dialogue exchange at work, then a silent shopping sequence. It lacks a clear turning point or escalation.


Critique
  • The dialogue in this scene feels flat and lacks emotional depth. Both Tom and Summer's exchanges are very surface-level, which doesn't reflect the complexity of their relationship at this point in the story. The audience should feel the tension and distance between them, but the dialogue doesn't convey that effectively.
  • The transition from the conversation to the outdoor market feels abrupt. While the scene change is noted, there is little to bridge the emotional gap between the two settings. A more seamless transition could enhance the flow and maintain the audience's engagement.
  • The description of Tom and Summer's body language is insightful, but it could be expanded. For instance, detailing Tom's facial expressions or Summer's hesitance could provide more context to their emotional states, making the scene more visually engaging.
  • The use of silence is a good choice to emphasize the distance between Tom and Summer, but it could be more impactful if it were accompanied by visual cues or internal monologue from Tom. This would allow the audience to better understand his feelings of boredom and disconnection.
  • The scene lacks a clear conflict or tension that propels the narrative forward. While the emotional distance is present, there is no significant action or dialogue that suggests a turning point or development in their relationship.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more subtext to the dialogue. For example, Tom could ask leading questions that hint at his desire for a deeper connection, while Summer's responses could be more evasive, showcasing her emotional distance.
  • Introduce a moment of physical interaction or a shared experience in the market that could serve as a catalyst for their conversation. This could help break the ice and create a more dynamic interaction.
  • Incorporate Tom's internal thoughts during the silence to provide insight into his feelings. This could help the audience connect with his character and understand the weight of the silence between them.
  • Enhance the visual description of the market scene to reflect the emotional tone. For instance, contrasting the vibrant colors of the fruits with Tom's dull demeanor could symbolize his internal struggle.
  • Consider ending the scene with a more definitive moment or line that hints at the future of their relationship, whether it be a glimmer of hope or a deeper sense of despair, to leave the audience wanting to know what happens next.



Scene 24 -  Emotional Connections
INT. APARTMENT - LATER

Tom, almost with a full beard, is redecorating his apartment
again. We see him rearranging the furniture in the room.

LATER. He hangs some new pictures.

LATER. He uses a pencil on the wall to mark for a bookshelf.
Then he uses a ruler to make sure his marks are even. He
draws a faint line on the wall to mark where he needs to nail
something.
104.




(240)
INT COFFEE HOUSE - LATER

That day again. As we’ve seen before, Tom reads a newspaper.
Summer reads a novel.

TOM
It’s playing at 5.

SUMMER
You want to go?

TOM
I don’t know. You wanna maybe go
back to your place or ---

SUMMER
I want to see it. Let’s go.

TOM
Ok cool.

SUMMER
Unless you don’t want to.

TOM
No, I will. That’s fine.

SUMMER
Ok.

A few more silent beats. Something’s in the air.


INT MOVIE - LATER

Tom and Summer watching the film. Tears begin to well in
Summer’s eyes. They soon turn to audible sobs. Tom turns to
look at her, to offer some sort of comfort, believing it to
be a response to the movie. She doesn’t look back.


(409)
INT TOM’S BEDROOM - DAY

Tom drawing a straight line on his wall. Redecorating.
105.



And then he stops.

He looks at the line he’s drawn. He extends it a little bit.
He draws another. He begins to furiously draw on the wall.
From out of nowhere, inspiration has hit. An image starts to
form. A pretty impressive looking futuristic skyscraper,
almost shaped like a tear drop.


(240)
EXT MOVIE THEATRE - LATER

Same day from the past. They walk out, at first everything’s
alright. It’s exactly as we saw on page 7. But soon after
that she begins to cry again. Serious, real sobbing.

TOM
Hey.

He goes to hug her. He hugs her. It’s unclear if she hugs
back.

TOM
Hey Sum, it’s just a movie.

SUMMER
I know. I’m sorry Tom.

TOM
Is everything alright with you?

She smiles, tries to pull herself together.

SUMMER
Yeah. I’m just...I’m sorry. I’m
being ridiculous.

TOM
It’s ok. This happens to me every
time I watch “Hoosiers.” Let’s go
for a walk, ok. Let’s get some air.
Or go to Sister Ray’s.

SUMMER
Ok.

They walk.
106.




INT RECORD STORE - NIGHT

Tom and a much more in control Summer walk down the aisles.
He grabs one.

TOM
It pains me that we live in a world
where no one’s ever heard of
Spearmint.

SUMMER
I’ve never heard of them.

TOM
And it’s painful. Oh look.

He grabs a Ringo Starr album and shows it to her, just as
we’ve seen on Page 7. She smiles and they continue on down
the aisles.

In CU, Tom goes to hold Summer’s hand. But something happens.
It could be a total coincidence, but just as his hand
approaches hers (in SLO-MO), she moves it away and keeps it
at her side. Tom puts his hands in his pockets, unsure if
there’s something to read in that.


(411)
EXT HARBOR - DAY

Tom sketches intensely. The landscape, the skyline, the
works. He’s in the zone.


(240)
EXT RECORD STORE - LATER

Again, that fateful day continues. Tom and Summer outside.

SUMMER
So.

TOM
So... Now what?
107.



SUMMER
Now...I think I’m gonna call it a
day.

TOM
Yeah? You wanna maybe...get some
dinner or something?

SUMMER
I’ve got pasta at home.

TOM
Are you hungry?

SUMMER
I’m pretty hungry, but --

TOM
Ooh!

SUMMER
What?

TOM
I’ve got a great idea!

SUMMER
What?

TOM
Let’s get breakfast.

SUMMER
Now?

TOM
Pancakes?

Summer’s resistance is futile. And the rest as they say is
history.

FADE UP: “Number Two” by the Pernice Brothers. Which plays
over:


(417-464)
1. INT TOM’S BATHROOM - DAY

Tom shaves. Makes himself look presentable.
108.



LATER. Tom, now clean shaven and looking like he did when we
first met him, sketches on his bed with one hand while
holding a phone with the other.


2. EXT CITY SIDEWALK - DAY

Tom sits on a street corner drawing new additions to the
city’s skyline.

2. INT LIBRARY - DAY

Tom sits with his feet up on a table, headphones on his ears,
reading one of many Taschen books on innovative building
design.


3. INT OFFICE LOBBY - DAY

Tom drops off his portfolio with the security guard in the
lobby of a high-rise.


4. EXT SOCCER FIELD - DAY

Tom and his mom and step-dad cheer on his sister playing
soccer. It’s a nice temporary distraction for him.


6. INT TOM’S BEDROOM - DAY

Tom getting bad news on the phone. He has a list written on
his wall (which is now composed of a dynamic cityscape of
futuristic looking structures). He crosses “Abrams and
Abrams” off the list. We notice several others are also
crossed off.


5. EXT GOLDEN GATE BRIDGE - DAY

Tom has his car on the side of the road and is out measuring
the distance between the beams of the bridge.

8. EXT PARK - DAY

Tom jogs. A little faster this time.

9. INT TOM’S BEDROOM - NIGHT

Tom getting more bad news from the answering machine,
crossing off yet another firm from the list. Few remain. He
sits on the bed with his shoulders slumped. For a beat, lost
in thought.
109.


Then, as if to shut those thoughts out, whatever they were,
he turns on the TV and joylessly watches the nothingness.


9. SPLITSCREEN - DAY

On the LEFT, Tom, alone, on a bus. Looking out the window.
Thinking.

On the RIGHT, Summer. In her wedding dress. The veil is
lifted. And she’s a bride.

END MUSIC.


(478)
EXT OFFICE BUILDING - ANOTHER DAY

Tom, in a suit, exits a building after another dismal
interview. We can see he is frustrated but not deterred. In
the distance, his favorite spot in the city, where he took
Summer ages ago.
Genres: ["Romance","Drama"]

Summary Tom redecorates his apartment and later meets Summer at a coffee house, where they discuss going to a movie. During the film, Summer becomes emotional, prompting Tom to show concern and suggest they get some air afterward. Their walk leads them to a record store, where Tom attempts to hold Summer's hand, but she pulls away, highlighting their emotional distance. They engage in a light-hearted conversation about breakfast, with Summer reluctantly agreeing, leaving a sense of hopeful resolution despite the earlier tension.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Tension building
Weaknesses
  • Pacing could be improved in certain moments

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 6.5

This scene's primary job is to show Tom's attempt to move on after the breakup, using his architectural passion as a metaphor for rebuilding his life. It lands well in its montage of small steps forward, but the overall score is limited by the fragmented structure—the constant time jumps and intercutting with the past relationship make it feel disjointed and dilute the emotional impact of his progress.


Story Content

Concept: 7

The concept of using Tom's architectural drawings and job rejections as a visual metaphor for his emotional state is strong, but the execution is somewhat scattered across too many brief vignettes.

Plot: 6

The plot advances Tom's arc of moving on, but the back-and-forth between past and present scenes creates a choppy narrative flow that undermines momentum.

Originality: 7

The use of architectural drawings as a metaphor for emotional rebuilding is fresh, and the split-screen reveal is a creative twist, but the montage structure is familiar.


Character Development

Characters: 7

Tom's character is well-developed through his actions (shaving, sketching, job hunting), but Summer appears only in flashbacks and the split-screen, limiting her presence.

Character Changes: 5

Tom shows incremental change (shaving, sketching, job hunting), but the scene doesn't show a major transformation—he's still clearly affected by Summer.

Internal Goal: 7

Tom's internal goal is to find inspiration and purpose in his life, as seen through his redecorating, sketching, and emotional reactions to Summer's behavior.

External Goal: 6

Tom's external goal is to navigate his relationship with Summer and find a sense of connection and understanding.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 5

Internal conflict is strong (Tom's struggle to move on), but external conflict is minimal, mostly consisting of job rejections and the awkward hand-holding moment.

Opposition: 4

The opposition Tom faces is mostly internal (his own grief and uncertainty) and systemic (job rejections), with no clear antagonist in this scene.

High Stakes: 5

Stakes are personal and emotional (Tom's happiness and future), but they feel low because the scene focuses on small, everyday actions rather than high-conflict moments.

Story Forward: 6

The scene moves the story forward by showing Tom's attempts to rebuild his life, but the constant flashbacks to the past relationship slow the forward momentum.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because the split-screen reveal of Summer as a bride is a surprising twist that recontextualizes Tom's journey.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict revolves around the themes of emotional vulnerability, artistic expression, and personal growth. Tom's desire for inspiration clashes with Summer's emotional distance.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6.5

The emotional impact is moderate—the split-screen reveal of Summer as a bride is poignant, but the montage's rapid pace dilutes the weight of individual moments.

Dialogue: 6.5

The dialogue in the past scenes is natural and reveals relationship dynamics, but the montage sections rely heavily on visual storytelling with minimal dialogue.

Engagement: 6.5

This scene is engaging because it shows Tom's active efforts to move on, and the split-screen reveal of Summer as a bride creates a powerful emotional hook.

Pacing: 6

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness because the montage creates a sense of time passing and progress, but the rapid cuts between past and present can feel jarring.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

Formatting is standard and professional, with clear scene headings and action lines, though the split-screen and montage sections are handled adequately.

Structure: 5.5

The structure is a montage with flashbacks, which is appropriate for a romantic comedy/drama but feels disjointed due to the frequent time jumps and lack of a clear through-line.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the emotional distance between Tom and Summer, which is a crucial element of their relationship. However, the dialogue feels somewhat repetitive and lacks depth, making it difficult for the audience to fully engage with their emotional state.
  • The transitions between locations (apartment, coffee house, movie, record store) are somewhat abrupt. While this can reflect the chaotic nature of Tom's life, it may benefit from smoother transitions or visual cues that connect these moments more cohesively.
  • Summer's emotional reaction during the movie is a pivotal moment, but it could be enhanced by providing more context about why she is crying. This would deepen the audience's understanding of her character and her emotional state, making Tom's concern more impactful.
  • The use of silence in the scene is effective, but it could be more purposeful. Instead of just having silent beats, consider using these moments to visually show Tom's internal conflict or thoughts, perhaps through close-ups or subtle actions that convey his feelings.
  • The ending of the scene, where Tom suggests breakfast, feels a bit forced. It would be more natural if there were a clearer emotional connection or a shared moment that leads to this suggestion, rather than it feeling like a random idea.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more subtext to the dialogue between Tom and Summer. Instead of repeating phrases like 'I don’t know' and 'Ok,' explore their underlying emotions and motivations to create a richer conversation.
  • Incorporate visual storytelling elements that reflect Tom's emotional state, such as his body language or facial expressions, especially during the silent moments. This can help convey his internal struggle without relying solely on dialogue.
  • Enhance Summer's emotional breakdown during the movie by providing a brief flashback or a line that hints at her personal struggles, making her tears more relatable and significant.
  • Use transitional shots or montages to connect the different locations more fluidly, perhaps showing Tom's thoughts or memories as he moves from one place to another, reinforcing the theme of his emotional journey.
  • Rework the final exchange about breakfast to feel more organic. Perhaps have Tom notice something in Summer's demeanor that prompts the suggestion, creating a moment of connection rather than a simple proposal.



Scene 25 -  Bittersweet Reunion
EXT. PARK - DAY

Tom walks over and sits down on a bench. He stares off, lost
in thought. And then, from out of nowhere, there’s her voice.

SUMMER (V.O.)
Hey.

Summer sits like an apparition on a neighboring bench. She
may have just sat down, she may have been there for hours.
Tom isn’t sure if she’s real. He doesn’t quite know what to
do.

SUMMER
(re: suit)
Where you coming from?

TOM
What? Oh. Nowhere. How long have
you been sitting there?

SUMMER
Awhile.

Tom finds it hard to look at her.
110.



SUMMER
I come here a lot. I always loved
this place, ever since you brought
me here.

The mention of their past makes the atmosphere frosty.

TOM
So... I should probably say
congratulations.

SUMMER
Probably. But only if you mean it.

TOM
I don’t know if I do honestly.

SUMMER
I understand.

TOM
Yeah well...anyway...I hope you’re
happy.

SUMMER
You really do?

TOM
(beat)
God no.

They both laugh a little. The tension begins to dissipate.

SUMMER
How are you, Tom?

TOM
I’m good. Ish.

SUMMER
That’s good.

TOM
Yeah I quit the office.

SUMMER
Really? That’s great! What are you
doing now?

TOM
Mostly...sleeping. Breaking things.

Awkward silence.
111.



TOM
So who’s the guy?

SUMMER
Who, my guy?

TOM
Yeah... Wait. Don’t tell me. I
don’t want to know.

SUMMER
Tom...

TOM
No really, I don’t.

SUMMER
Ok.

More awkward silence. This one goes on a beat longer. And
then:

TOM
It’s amazing to me. You’re married.

SUMMER
I know.

TOM
You’re not only someone’s
girlfriend, your someone’s wife!

SUMMER
Pretty crazy, huh?

TOM
(sighs)
I’ll never understand that.

SUMMER
Tom --

TOM
What’s different now? How could
things change so quickly?

SUMMER
I don’t know. It just happened.

TOM
What happened?! That’s what I don’t
get.
112.



SUMMER
I... Tom...

TOM
What, tell me...

SUMMER
I woke up one day and I knew.

Tom says nothing.

SUMMER
I knew I could promise him I’d feel
the same way every morning. In a
way that I... I never could with
you.

And there’s not much else to say after that.

Tom gets up to leave.

TOM
You know what sucks? Realizing that
everything you believe in is
complete bullshit.

SUMMER
What is?

TOM
Destiny, soulmates, true love. All
that stuff. It’s nothing more than
silly childhood fairy tale
nonsense, isn’t it? God!

SUMMER
Tom, don’t go.

TOM
I should have listened to you,
Summer. You were right all along.

Summer takes a beat to let this hang there.

SUMMER
I was right?

And then, out of nowhere, she begins to hysterically laugh.

TOM
What? This is funny?
113.



Tries to stop but it only makes it worse. Now’s she’s
completely cracking up.

TOM
What are you laughing at?

And she can’t stop. She’s totally lost control.

TOM
(trying himself not to
laugh)
You’re a crazy person!

SUMMER
Tom! You’re the crazy person!

TOM
What are you talking about?!

SUMMER
One day I’m reading a book at the
corner deli and this guy sits down
and starts asking about it. Now
he’s my husband!

TOM
This is funny to you?

SUMMER
What would have happened if I went
to the movies instead? If I went
somewhere else for lunch? If I
showed up to eat ten minutes later?
Tom, it was meant to be, just like
you said. And as it was happening,
I knew it. I could feel it, sure as
the sun. And I kept thinking to
myself “Holy shit. Tom was right.”
You were right about all of it.
(beat)
It just wasn’t me you were right
about.

Tom is speechless. Summer takes his hand. We may notice her
wedding ring. We may also notice that this is the same exact
shot as the first scene of the screenplay. We hold it for a
few seconds more. And then, the hands separate.

SUMMER
Anyway, I should probably be
getting back. It was good to see
you. I’m glad you’re well.
114.



Summer gets up and starts walking away from him. After a
second:

TOM
Summer!

She stops and turns back. He takes in her face, most likely
for the last time ever.

TOM
I really do hope you’re happy.

SUMMER
I know.
(beat)
See you later.

And she walks away. The CAMERA TRACKS AWAY with her, leaving
Tom alone in the park, getting smaller and farther away every
second.

FADE OUT:


A FEW SECONDS OF BLACK, BEFORE...

FADE IN:


(500)
INT OFFICE WAITING AREA - DAY

Tom, in a suit, with a hefty batch of architecture sketches
at his side, waits in the foyer of Allen, Prince, and Gethers
Architecture. From the room we can tell this firm is big
time.

Tom waits.

We notice, before he does, a VERY CUTE GIRL sitting in a
another chair, also waiting. She smiles. He smiles back.

GIRL
Are you here to interview?

TOM
Sorry?
115.



GIRL
Are you interviewing? For the
position?

TOM
Oh. Yeah. Why, are you?

GIRL
Yup.

TOM
Ah. My competition.

GIRL
It would appear.

TOM
Gee, this is a little awkward.

GIRL
Yes it is.

TOM
Well, I hope you don’t get it.

GIRL
I hope you don’t get it.
They both laugh. There’s a silence for a few beats. And it’s
during this time that something weird comes over Tom and we
can visibly see it in his face. He likes the look of this
girl. This girl is cute. He’d like to talk more with her.
And, honestly, he’s a little surprised by it.

TOM
So, uh...

GIRL
Hmm?

TOM
Are you from...California?

GIRL
Grew up not too far from here.
Atherton, near Stanford.

TOM
I know Atherton. Nice area.

GIRL
Have I seen you before?
116.



TOM
I, uh, don’t know. I don't think
so.

GIRL
Do you go to St. Patrick’s? Not to
pray or anything but to stand
outside?

TOM
I do! I love that church. It’s like
my favorite structure in the city.

GIRL
If only it wasn’t near that
horrible mirrored thing...

TOM
Yes! Exactly. I totally agree!

GIRL
Yeah.
(beat)
I think I’ve seen you there.

TOM
You have? Really? Hmm. I didn’t see
you.

GIRL
It happens. You probably weren’t
looking.

A MAN comes out.

MAN
Tom Hansen?

TOM
Yes.

MAN
Come on back.

TOM
Thank you.

He starts to go. But halfway through the doorway, he pauses
and looks back at the girl.
117.



NARRATOR
If Tom had learned anything... it
was that you can’t ascribe great
cosmic significance to a simple
earthly event. Coincidence. That’s
all anything ever is. Nothing more
than coincidence.

ANIMATION. 1 second clip of the colored sequence. Real fast.
Hardly noticeable. But it’s there.

NARRATOR
It took a long time but Tom had
finally learned. There are no
miracles. There’s no such thing as
fate. Nothing is meant to be. He
knew. He was sure of it now.
(beat)
Tom was...

Tom turns back around.

NARRATOR
...pretty sure.

TOM
(to Girl)
Excuse me.

GIRL
Hello stranger.

TOM
When this is over... uh... would
you like to maybe...grab a cup of
coffee or something?

GIRL
Oh. I’m sorta supposed to meet
someone.

TOM
(deflated)
Oh. Got it... No problem.

He turns back around and shakes that off, tries to refocus on
the task at hand. A job interview. And then he hears.

GIRL
Ok.

Tom turns back around.
118.



TOM
What’s that?

GIRL
Why not?

TOM
Yeah?

GIRL
Yeah.

TOM
Great! So... I’ll wait for you
here, or you wait for me
or...something.

She laughs. She’s cute when she laughs.

GIRL
We’ll figure it out.

TOM
Ok!
(extends hand to shake)
My name’s Tom.

GIRL
Nice to meet you...

She puts out her hand to meet his. They shake.

GIRL
I’m Autumn.

And on his face...

SMASH CUT TO:


(1)
THE END.

(CREDITS ROLL TO “GO ASK YOUR DAD” by THE TYDE.)
Genres: ["Romance","Drama"]

Summary In a serene park, Tom unexpectedly encounters Summer, leading to a heartfelt conversation about their past relationship and her recent marriage. Tom grapples with disillusionment about love, while Summer shares her newfound clarity and acceptance of her choices. Their dialogue is laced with nostalgia and humor, culminating in a moment of connection before a bittersweet farewell. As Summer walks away, Tom is left to reflect on their exchange, highlighting the emotional distance that remains between them.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Reflective tone
Weaknesses
  • Lack of external conflict
  • Limited action

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

This scene serves as the emotional resolution and thematic capstone of the film, landing the bittersweet acceptance of lost love while opening a new possibility. The single biggest limiter is the slightly rushed transition from the park to the office, which dilutes the emotional weight of the park scene's finality.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of a post-breakup conversation that validates the protagonist's worldview while denying him its personal application is fresh and emotionally complex. The strength is the inversion of the 'meant to be' trope; the weakness is that the new meet-cute with Autumn feels slightly convenient.

Plot: 8

The plot moves from emotional confrontation to resolution to a new beginning. The strength is the clear arc from Tom's anger to acceptance; the weakness is that the job interview scene feels like a separate short scene rather than a seamless part of the same sequence.

Originality: 9

The scene is original in its inversion of the 'meant to be' trope and the use of a narrator to undercut the moment. The dialogue feels authentic and fresh.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

Tom shows growth by finally hearing Summer's truth and letting her go, while Summer is consistent in her honesty and self-awareness. The strength is the nuanced portrayal of both characters; the weakness is that Autumn is introduced as a plot device rather than a fully realized person.

Character Changes: 8

Tom changes from bitter and confused to accepting and open to new possibilities. The strength is the clear emotional arc; the weakness is that the change happens very quickly within the scene.

Internal Goal: 9

Tom's internal goal is to come to terms with his feelings for Summer and his beliefs about love and destiny. This reflects his deeper need for closure and understanding of his past relationship.

External Goal: 8

Tom's external goal is to navigate his interaction with Summer and potentially find closure in their relationship. This reflects the immediate challenge of confronting his past and moving forward.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The central conflict is Tom's internal struggle between his belief in destiny and the pain of rejection, externalized in his conversation with Summer. The strength is the high emotional stakes; the weakness is that the conflict resolves too neatly with Summer's explanation.

Opposition: 6

The opposition is primarily internal (Tom's own beliefs and pain) and secondarily from Summer's refusal to give him the answer he wants until the end.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are emotional: Tom's ability to move on and find hope again. The strength is the personal significance; the weakness is that there are no external consequences.

Story Forward: 8

The scene resolves the central relationship arc and sets up a new potential romance, moving the story to its conclusion. The strength is the closure and new beginning; the weakness is that the new story thread is only hinted at.

Unpredictability: 9

This scene is unpredictable because Summer's laughter and her revelation that Tom was right about fate subvert the expected sad breakup conversation.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict revolves around the idea of fate and destiny versus personal agency and choice. Summer's belief in fate contrasts with Tom's realization that life is based on coincidence and not predetermined.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene delivers a powerful emotional punch through Summer's revelation and Tom's quiet acceptance, followed by a lift of hope. The strength is the catharsis; the weakness is that the office scene's lighter tone slightly undercuts the park's emotional resonance.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is natural, layered, and emotionally precise, with Summer's laugh breaking the tension and her final speech being a standout. The strength is the authentic back-and-forth; the weakness is that the narrator's voiceover in the office scene feels slightly on-the-nose.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it delivers the long-awaited emotional payoff of the central relationship, with surprising twists in dialogue and a hopeful ending.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness because it moves from tense silence to emotional release to a lighter, hopeful beat, mirroring Tom's emotional journey.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 10

The formatting is professional and clear, with proper use of V.O., parentheticals, and scene headings. The strength is the clean readability; no weaknesses noted.

Structure: 8.5

The scene follows a classic three-act structure within itself: setup (awkward reunion), confrontation (argument about fate), resolution (acceptance and new beginning). The strength is the clear dramatic arc; the weakness is the abrupt transition to the office.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the emotional weight of Tom and Summer's past relationship, showcasing their contrasting perspectives on love and commitment. The dialogue feels authentic and reflects their history, which adds depth to their interaction.
  • The use of Summer's voiceover at the beginning creates an ethereal quality, emphasizing Tom's disorientation and the surreal nature of their meeting. This choice effectively sets the tone for the scene, making it feel both nostalgic and bittersweet.
  • The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with moments of awkward silence that enhance the tension between Tom and Summer. These pauses allow the audience to absorb the emotional stakes and the weight of their shared history.
  • However, the scene could benefit from a clearer visual representation of Tom's internal struggle. While the dialogue conveys his feelings, incorporating more physical actions or expressions could enhance the audience's connection to his emotional state.
  • The transition from tension to laughter is a strong moment, but it may come off as abrupt. The shift from a serious conversation about love to laughter could be smoothed out with a more gradual build-up to the humor, allowing the audience to feel the release of tension more organically.
  • The ending, while poignant, feels somewhat abrupt. Tom's final line about hoping Summer is happy is powerful, but it could be enriched by a more reflective moment from Tom, perhaps showing a hint of acceptance or resolution before Summer leaves.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment where Tom physically reacts to Summer's presence before she speaks, such as a subtle flinch or a deep breath, to visually convey his emotional turmoil.
  • Introduce a small object or memory that Tom could hold or reference during the conversation, which would serve as a tangible reminder of their past and deepen the emotional resonance of their dialogue.
  • Explore the possibility of extending the laughter moment, allowing both characters to share a more genuine connection before returning to the heavier themes. This could involve a playful exchange that highlights their chemistry.
  • Incorporate more visual cues that reflect Tom's emotional journey throughout the scene, such as changes in his posture or facial expressions that align with the shifts in their conversation.
  • Consider adding a final moment where Tom watches Summer leave, perhaps with a lingering shot that captures his mixed emotions, allowing the audience to fully absorb the weight of their farewell.