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Scene 1 -  Die Hard
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 7
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 8
( i




"DIE HARD"



Screenplay
by


Jeb Stuart

/JR»S,



based on the novel

Nothing Lasts Forever

by

Roderick Thorp




SECOND REVISED DRAFT
October 2, 1987

A Gordon Company/Silver Pictures Production
"DIE HARD"
FADE IN
405 FREEWAY - LOS ANGELES - EARLY EVENING 1
Christmas tinsel on the light poles. We ARE LOOKING east
past Inglewood INTO the orange grid of L.A. at night when
suddenly we TILT UP TO CATCH the huge belly of a landing
747 — the noise is deafening.
INT. 747 - PASSENGERS - SAME 2
The usual moment just after landing when you let out that
sigh of relief that you've made it in one piece.
ON JOHN MCCLANE 3
mid-thirties, good-looking, athletic and tired from his trip.
He sits by the window. His relief on landing is subtle but
we notice. Suddenly, he hears a voice next to him.
MAN'S VOICE
(o.s.)
J^W!fc'"S Don't fly much do you?
McClane looks over at a grinning middle-aged BUSINESSMAN
sitting next to him.
MCCLANE
No.
BUSINESSMAN
Want to know the secret of
surviving air travel?...Take off
your shoes and socks when you get
where you're going and walk
around ten minutes barefoot.
Better than a shower and a cup
of coffee...
MCCLANE
(warily)
Thanks... I'11 remember that.
The Businessman picks up on McClane's scepticism and takes
it as a challenge. His salesman's smile broadens.
BUSINESSMAN
You think I'm crazy don't you?
Trust me. I've been a salesman
for twenty years. I know what
I'm talking about.
(CONTINUED)
A98
CONTINUED: 3
/0s**..
The Businessman oozes confidence. McClane reaches up to help
a woman down with her bags and the butt of his Beretta
handgun suddenly becomes visible to the Businessman. The
man blanches at the sight and McClane notices the look.
He's seen it before.
MCCLANE
It's okay...I'm a cop.
We SEE this doesn't totally calm the Businessman. McClane
holds his look and produces a gold NYPD Detective's shield.
MCCLANE
(firm and
definite)
Trust me. I've been doing it
for thirteen years.
Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

Summary John McClane, a cop, lands in Los Angeles on Christmas Eve. He sits next to a middle-aged businessman on the flight and shows his NYPD detective's badge to calm his suspicion.
Strengths "Establishes the main character and the setting well"
Weaknesses "Lacks conflict and emotional impact"
Critique Overall, this scene is well-written with clear descriptions of setting and character actions. The dialogue is realistic and reveals information about the characters. The tension is subtly built as we see the Businessman react to McClane's gun and McClane has to reassure him of his profession as a cop. However, one possible critique could be that the scene feels somewhat mundane and doesn't engage the audience in any significant way. It serves more as an introduction to the protagonist rather than a hook that draws the audience in. It may benefit from a stronger inciting incident or conflict.
Suggestions Here are some suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Establish the setting more clearly. While the scene starts with a clear location (405 Freeway - Los Angeles - Early Evening), the action quickly shifts to a 747 airplane without much transition. It may be helpful to show John McClane at the airport before he boards the plane, or to add some dialogue about where he's headed and why.

2. Make John McClane's motivations clearer. Right now, he seems like a passive observer of the Businessman's antics. It would be more interesting if we knew why he was on the plane and what he was thinking as the conversation unfolded. Is he tired and just trying to get through the flight, or is he on a mission and trying to stay focused?

3. Add some conflict to the scene. As it stands, the conversation between John McClane and the Businessman is friendly and non-confrontational. It would be more engaging if there was a sense of tension between them, either because the Businessman is suspicious of McClane's intentions or because McClane doesn't trust the man.

4. Use visuals to convey information. When John McClane shows the Businessman his NYPD shield, it's a powerful moment. But it might be even more effective if we saw the shield earlier in the scene, perhaps as McClane is going through security at the airport. This would establish McClane's identity as a cop and give the audience a hint of what's to come.

5. Think about pacing and structure. This scene is the first in the script, so it's important to set up the story and characters effectively. Consider whether there's any information that needs to be established here that will pay off later in the script. And think about how this scene fits into the larger structure of the film - does it set up any themes or motifs that will be revisited later?



Scene 2 -  Arriving in LA on Christmas Eve
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 7
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 8
INT. THE NAKATOMI BUILDING (LOS ANGELES) - EVENING 4
CLOSE ON A bottle of Dom Perignon as the cork explodes across
a large office floor decorated for Christmas. A Japanese
man, mid-fifties standing on a desk holds up the bottle
triumphantly and looks out at an adoring audience of junior
executives and office personnel. He is JOSEPH TAKAGI,
Sr. V.P. of Sales for Nakatomi, a multinational corporation.
TAKAGI
Ladies and gentlemen...1
congratulate each and every one
of you for making this one of
the greatest days in the history
of the Nakatomi corporation...
In the b.g., obviously still at work, an attractive
BUSINESSWOMAN in her mid-thirties, studying a computer
printout, heads toward her office. Falling into step with
her is HARRY ELLIS, thirty-seven, V.P. of Sales. Well-dressed,
with stylish, slicked-back hair, he looks and acts very
smooth.
ELLIS
What about dinner?
WOMAN (HOLLY)
Do you ever look at the calendar,
Harry? Christmas Eve...Santa*s
arriving...Family...Those things
ring a bell?
She turns into:



A98
3

HER OFFICE 5
Her name is HOLLY GENNARO MCCLANE, though the nameplate on
her door stops after the first two. She puts the printout
down on her secretary's desk.
HOLLY
(to her secretary)
Go on out, Ginny, they're opening
the champagne.
GINNY
(grateful to be
released)
Thanks Ms. Gennaro.
Ginny passes Ellis in the doorway as Holly punches a number
on the phone.
I ELLIS
' (not giving up)
How about tomorrow night?
HOLLY
(dryly)
Worse.
Just then the party on Holly's phone picks up and WE:
INTERCUT:
6 INT. NICE HOUSE IN SANTA MONICA 6
where a four-year-old girl, LUCY MCCLANE, answers the phone
with a sense of importance.
LUCY
Hello, this is Lucy McClane.
Holly suddenly smiles. It is the first time we've seen her
smile and it speaks volumes about the person hidden under a
tough business exterior.
HOLLY
(with affection)
Hello, Lucy McClane. This is
your mother.
She looks up and watches Ellis leave.
LUCY
/fH^s
Mommy! When are you coming home?!
(CONTINUED)



A98
4
CONTINUED: 6
J^*>*

HOLLY
Soon. You'll be in bed when
I get there, though.
LUCY
Will you come say 'good night'?
HOLLY
Don't I always, you goose?
(enjoys her
daughter's giggle
over the line)
May I speak with Paulina, please?
Lucy hands the phone to a young Salvadorian woman, PAULINA,
the housekeeper.
PAULINA
Hello, Ms. Holly. You coming
home soon?
HOLLY
Hopefully.
(beat)
Mr. McClane didn't call, did he?
PAULINA
No ma'am.
Holly hides a trace of disappointment.
HOLLY
Maybe that means he got a flight.
Why don't you make up the bed in
the spare room, just in case.
PAULINA
(smiling)
Yes ma'am, I already did.
Holly's smile comes through again.
INT. LAX - EVENING 7
McClan^-r^earing TBTs-sWool topcoat and carrying a huge
FAg^chwartz stuffep. animal and his hangup bag, comes down
ramp with the Businessman from the

BUSINESSMAN
Remember...bare feet, ten minutes.
Merry Christmas.
(CONTINUED)

A98
CONTINUED: 7
MCCLANE
Yeah...Merry Christmas...
The Businessman moves down the ramp and is lovingly greeted
by his family. McClane watches, moved by the sight, then
looks around the waiting area, just on the chance his family
might be waiting. Instead he spots a thin, gangling, black
kid, WILLIAM, in an ill-fitting chaufeur's uniform. As he
waits he beats «out a rhythm on a card with J. McCLANE printed
on it. McClane pauses in front of him.
MCCLANE
I'm John McClane.
WILLIAM
William, Sir...I'm your limo
driver. Nice bag.
He turns and starts walking.
MCCLANE
Don't you take this?
WILLIAM
(stops)
Do I?
MCCLANE
Hell, I don't know. I've never
been picked up by a limo before.
William takes McClane's bag.
WILLIAM
Hey, that's good...'cause I've
never driven one before.
CUT TO:
Genres: ["action","drama"]

Summary John McClane, a cop, arrives in Los Angeles on Christmas Eve and is picked up by his limo driver, William. Meanwhile, a Christmas party is taking place at Nakatomi Corporation, where Joseph Takagi gives a speech and Holly Gennaro McClane, his wife, deals with her business rival, Harry Ellis, and talks to her daughter on the phone.
Strengths
  • Establishes the protagonist and his situation
  • Sets up the Nakatomi Corporation Christmas party
  • Introduces important supporting characters
Weaknesses
  • Slow pacing
Critique Overall, this scene is well-written and sets the stage for the story to come. The dialogue is natural and the character introductions are clear, though there are a few areas that could be improved:

1. The opening shot of the exploding champagne cork could be cut. It doesn't provide much value and feels unnecessary.
2. The dialogue between Holly and Ellis feels a bit cliché and predictable. It would be more interesting to see them in a genuine conversation that reveals more of their characters.
3. The intercut scene with Lucy is a bit jarring and feels disconnected from the rest of the scene. It might work better to have this scene as a separate scene altogether, to give it more weight and emotional impact.
4. The dialogue between McClane and William at the end is a bit on-the-nose and could be more subtle. It also doesn't give us much insight into either character.
Suggestions 1. Clarify the purpose of the scene: In this scene, we are introduced to several characters and given exposition about their relationships and backgrounds. However, there is no clear objective that needs to be achieved. To make the scene more engaging, add a mission or objective that the characters must accomplish.

2. Increase conflict: Conflict is what engages the audience and drives the story forward. Currently, there is a lack of conflict in this scene. To improve it, try adding tension between characters or conflicting goals.

3. Improve character development: This scene is an opportunity to establish who the characters are and what motivates them. To improve character development, consider adding actions or dialogue that reveal character traits or background information.

4. Consider pacing: This scene is the second in the script, and if it is too slow, it can lose the audience's attention early on. Consider tightening the dialogue and action to keep the pace moving.

5. Add visual interest: Screenplays are visual mediums, and adding interesting and visually engaging elements can make a scene more compelling. Consider adding interesting camera angles, unique lighting, or dynamic blocking to the scene to make it visually interesting.



Scene 3 -  Limo Ride and Police Station
  • Overall: 6.0
  • Concept: 4
  • Plot: 5
  • Characters: 7
  • Dialogue: 6
INT. LIMOUSINE - DUSK 8
McClane and William both sit in the front seat as the black
limo turns off the Santa Monica Freeway and heads north
toward Century City. The huge toy animal sits in the backseat.
McClane hears a rustling at his feet and looks down
to see a bunch of fast food wrappers. Picks one up — it
says Taco Bell — and looks at William who grins sheepishly.
WILLIAM
What can I say, man? I didn't
<T expect you to sit up front.
(CONTINUED)


A98
6
8 CONTINUED: 8
f* WILLIAM (Cont.)
(popping in a
cassette)
Mind if I play some tunes?
A hard RAP SONG blasts from the speakers.
MCCLANE
How 'bout some Christmas music?
WILLIAM
That is Christmas music.
McClane gives up and grins, tosses the wrapper back on the
floor and looks out the window.
9 HIS P.O.V. 9
Convertibles with Christmas trees in their backseats,
Time/Temperature signs which read: 69°, and palm trees
trimmed in Christmas lights — it is clear that Christmas
L.A. style is a foreign commodity he could live happily
without.
WILLIAM
f* (to the animal
• in the back)
You know, you're stocked backed
there. We got CD, CB, TV, phone,
full bar. I even know a couple
of Teddy Bears...
(to McClane)
...Or is he married?
MCCLANE
Married.
WILLIAM
She live out here?
MCCLANE
As of six months ago.
WILLIAM
And you live in New York?
MCCLANE
You're nosey, you know that,
William?
f^ WILLIAM
Hey, I'm sorry. I got to quit
doing that, you know.
(CONTINUED)
A98
7

3 CONTINUED: 9
MCCLANE
That's okay.
WILLIAM
So, you divorced or what?
McClane gives up.
MCCLANE
She had a good job, it turned
into a great career.
WILLIAM
But meant her moving here.
MCCLANE
You're fast.
I
/ WILLIAM
So, why didn't you come?
MCCLANE
'Cause I'm a New York cop not an
IBM salesman. I don't just get up
and move.
WILLIAM
(to the point)
And you didn't think she'd make
it here?
McClane grins, he likes William even if he is direct.
MCCLANE
You're fast, William.
10 INT. LOS ANGELES POLICE STATION - NIGHT 10
A miniature Christmas tree with blinking lights sits on a
desk of SERGEANT AL POWELL, thirties, a man who's had enough
experience to know how bad it can be out there. He speaks
in low tones to the telephone.
POWELL
(defensively)
Yeah, yeah, honey, don't go
crazy —
(listening, then)
— I know you're pregnant. I know
you get cravings. I didn't say I
wouldn't buy *em, I just said I wish
you'd buy *em in big boxes...
(CONTINUED)

A98
8
Genres: ["Action","Adventure","Thriller"]

Summary McClane takes a limo ride with his driver William, who attempts to make small talk but mostly McClane stares out the window. Meanwhile, Sergeant Al Powell speaks on the phone with his pregnant wife at the police station, causing some distraction.
Strengths
  • The limo scene gives a slight glimpse into McClane's personal life, albeit minimal. It shows him as direct with William, but still willing to engage in witty banter.
  • The scene with Powell adds a moment of levity as we see him juggling the stresses of police work with his wife's pregnancy cravings, which will become important later on in the movie.
Weaknesses
  • The limo ride scene feels like a filler moment which does not add much to the overall plot.
  • There is no suspense or tension added to the story during this scene, making it a relatively boring section of the movie.
Critique Overall, this scene is well-written and provides some interesting character development for McClane and William. However, there are a few areas that could be improved upon:

1. The scene lacks action or conflict, which could make it feel stagnant. Consider adding some tension or obstacles for the characters to overcome, even if it's just a minor disagreement between them.

2. The dialogue could be tightened up in some places, such as when William asks McClane if he's divorced. The exchange feels a bit clunky and could benefit from being condensed.

3. The introduction of Sergeant Al Powell feels a bit out of place in this scene and could be saved for a later moment. This scene should focus on McClane and William's relationship, rather than introducing a new character.

Overall, this scene has potential and could be improved with some added conflict and tightening of the dialogue.
Suggestions Here are some suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Develop the characters: While we learn a bit about McClane and William's personality, it would be great to dig deeper and give them more distinct characteristics. This can be achieved by incorporating their individual interests and backgrounds into the conversation.

2. Increase tension: There is no sense of conflict or urgency in this scene, which can make it feel stagnant. Consider adding some small source of tension, like a disagreement or misunderstanding between the characters, to propel the story forward.

3. Cut unnecessary dialogue: There are a few lines of dialogue that don't add much to the scene and can be cut to improve pacing. For example, the exchange about Taco Bell doesn't add to our understanding of the characters or the plot.

4. Make the setting more vivid: The description of Christmas in L.A. is generic and doesn't do much to create a sense of atmosphere. Consider adding more specific details or sensory descriptions to bring the setting to life.

5. Connect the scene to the larger story: While this scene is pleasant enough, it doesn't do much to move the story forward or connect to the larger themes of the script. Consider how this scene can set up or foreshadow events to come, or how it can develop the relationships between characters.



Scene 4 -  Arrival and Set-up
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 7
  • Dialogue: 6
10 CONTINUED: ' 10
Suddenly Powell's miniature tree is knocked on its side and a
handgun goes spinning across the desk into his lap. He looks
up to see two cops trying to subdue a struggling suspect in
front of his desk. COP #1 looks up at Powell and grins.
COP #1
Don't worry, Al, it ain't loaded.
POWELL
(to phone)
I got to go.
Powell hangs up and puts the heavy firearm on the desk as the
two cops shove the suspect into a chair in front of him.
COP #2 stares at the suspect and points at Powell.
I COP #2
Sergeant Powell's a very deadly
man with a handgun, so don't try
anything or he might kill you...
by accident.
The two cops laugh. Powell ignores them, and expertly rolls
in a sheet of paper into his main weapon — the typewriter.
POWELL
(to suspect)
Full name, last name first...
11 -INT. LIMO - NIGHT 11
McClane and William pull up in front of the Nakatomi building,
a forty story, ultra-modern highrise in Century City.
WILLIAM
You here to patch things up?
MCCLANE
I'm here to try. Thanks for the
ride, William.
He gets out and William sits a moment in the car alone before
getting out to help him with the bags.
12 EXT. NAKATOMI BUILDING - NIGHT 12
William climbs out of the limo and stops by the trunk.
WILLIAM
What happens if you don't get back
with your wife? Where*re you going
to stay?
(CONTINUED)

A98
12 CONTINUED: _ 12
MCCLANE
I'll find someplace.
He looks up at the highrise lit by huge spotlights, then
back at William who's made no attempt to open the trunk.
WILLIAM
Look, I'm going to pull into the
parking garage and wait. You score
with your wife give me a call on
the car phone and I'11 leave your
bags inside at the desk. You strike
out...I'11 get you to a hotel.
He hands McClane a slip with the number on it.
MCCLANE
(taking the number)
Thanks. What're you going to do?
WILLIAM
Don't worry about William...
(points to the
stuffed animal)
...He's going to hang out with his
friend here till you call.
13 INT. NAKATOMI LOBBY - NIGHT 13
Beautiful and deserted. A large Christmas tree stands next
to the security table where the GUARD sits. McClane goes to
the desk and signs in.
MCCLANE
Holly Gennaro. International Sales.
GUARD
Thirty-second floor...You can't miss
'em, they're the only ones left in
the place.
14 INT. ELEVATOR - NIGHT 14
McClane riding the elevator. He rotates his head. Getting
the cricks out. As he approaches the 32nd floor we
hear a tremendous THUMPING, THROBBING NOISE. McClane
stops and listens before he realizes — it's the party. As
the doors open the noise attacks us.
15 32ND FLOOR - SAME 15
McClane moves around the edge of the party and stops a
dancing woman who points to Holly's "office.

A98
10
Genres: ["Action","Thriller","Drama"]

Summary John McClane arrives in Los Angeles on Christmas Eve and is picked up by his limo driver, William. Meanwhile, a Christmas party is taking place at Nakatomi Corporation where Joseph Takagi gives a speech and Holly Gennaro McClane, his wife, deals with her business rival, Harry Ellis, and talks to her daughter on the phone. Sergeant Al Powell speaks on the phone with his pregnant wife at the police station, causing some distraction. Powell is interrupted by two cops that subdue a suspect, but he handles the situation with a typewriter. Meanwhile, McClane arrives at Nakatomi Plaza and checks in at the security table to meet his wife on the 32nd floor.
Strengths "Good introduction to characters and location, sets up some conflicts for later. "
Weaknesses "Little action or tension in the scene. Some of the dialogue is mundane."
Critique As a screenwriting language model AI, I can provide feedback on the structure of the scene and the potential for building suspense and character development.

The scene starts with Powell's miniature tree being knocked over, and a gun falling into his lap. This sudden event creates tension, but it could have been tied in more closely to the main plot for better coherence.

The dialogue between the cops seems somewhat forced and cliché, trying to establish Powell as a "deadly" character. The humor is also a bit flat and predictable, which doesn't help build the suspense or character depth.

The scene then cuts to McClane arriving at Nakatomi building, which seems like a natural place to start a new scene. However, the transition could have been smoother to avoid breaking the flow of the narrative.

In general, the scene could benefit from better pacing and more effective use of dialogue to advance the plot and develop the characters.
Suggestions 1. Clarify the location and introduce the characters: In the beginning of the scene, it’s unclear where Powell is and who the cops are. It would be helpful to establish the location as Powell’s office and identify the cops by name or badge number.

2. Increase tension and stakes: The scene lacks tension and stakes. One way to improve it could be to introduce a specific threat or conflict. For example, the suspect could have important information that Powell needs to extract or the cops could be under pressure to close the case quickly.

3. Develop character relationships: The interactions between Powell and the cops feel superficial. Developing their relationships and establishing their motives would make the scene more engaging. For example, the cops could be corrupt and Powell could be conflicted about working with them.

4. Use visuals to enhance the story: A visual element could be added to the scene to illustrate the characters’ actions and mood. For example, the camera could capture Powell’s expression as he puts the firearm on the desk or the suspect’s body language as he’s being questioned.

5. Connect the scenes thematically: The scene transition from Powell’s office to McClane’s arrival at the Nakatomi building feels abrupt. Finding a way to connect the two scenes thematically would help with the flow of the story. For example, finding a way to tie in the theme of power and control that’s present in both scenes.



Scene 5 -  Nakatomi Corporation Christmas Party
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 8
16 HOLLY'S OFFICE - SAME 16
McClane pauses at the door and notes the name, then knocks.
It is opened by Takagi. Ellis sits behind Holly's secretary's
desk and nervously taps a tightly-rolled dollar bill.
MCCLANE
Sorry, I was looking for —
TAKAGI
Holly Gennaro?
MCCLANE
Yeah...
TAKAGI
Then you must be John McClane.
(introducing
himself)
Joe Takagi, John. How was your
ride in?
Ellis subtly runs a checking finger under his nose then stands
to shake hands with McClane. McClane takes it all in.
MCCLANE
Nice. Do I have you to thank for
that?
TAKAGI
Or blame for it. She was going to
meet you herself, but I threw some
things at her at the last minutes.
(motions to Ellis)
John, this is Harry Ellis one of our
shining stars in international sales.
(to Ellis)
John is a New York policeman.
ELLIS
(shaking hands)
Pleasure to meet you. I've heard
a lot about you from your ex-...
(correcting
himself)
...your wife.
We can tell by McClane's look that he doesn't think much of
Ellis. McClane holds Ellis' look and runs his finger subtly
under his nose.
MCCLANE
(low, to Elli.s)
You missed some.

(CONTINUED)

A98
11

16 CONTINUED: 16
yflE^X

MCCLANE (Cont.)
(to Takagi)
Well, you fellas throw quite a
Christmas party.
Ellis automatically puts his hand to his face before
realizing his face is clean.

TAKAGI
Well, actually it's also a little
celebration for a deal we closed
this afternoon. A $150,000,000
deal. A deal we have Holly to
thank a lot for —
Holly enters. Seeing McClane momentarily stops her.
J
/
HOLLY
(surprised)
John...Oh...Did you meet everyone? —

TAKAGI
No, we've been sticking spears in
^S*!S\ him...of course he has.
McClane and Holly look at each other for a moment awkwardly
then she kisses him on the cheek. The awkwardness pleases
Ellis.
TAKAGI
(to McClane)
She's made for this business.
Tough as nails.

ELLIS
Show him the watch.
He points to a new gold Rolex on Holly's wrist.
HOLLY
(giving him
a look)
I will later.
ELLIS
Ahh...Show him. Don't be
embarrassed.
(to McClane)
A little something to show how much
we appreciate her good work.
(CONTINUED)

A98
12

16 CONTINUED: (2) 16

Holly fixes Ellis with a lethal look.
MCCLANE
I'm sure I'll see it later. Right
now I could use a place to wash up.

17 EXT. NAKATOMI - NIGHT 17

A UPS truck turns off Olympic into the underground parking
garage of Nakatomi.

18 INT. PARKING GARAGE 18

It goes down the ramp and passes William's black limo. William
I is not visible in the front. The back windows are tinted.

19 INT. LIMO - SAME 19

William sits in the backseat. He is making a drink from the
bar with the TV on and his rap music blasting from the
cassette player, oblivious to the truck passing behind him.

20 INT. PARKING GARAGE - SAME 20
The UPS truck stops in front of the service elevator on the
next level down. As the truck idles, the uniformed driver
makes a note on his clipboard.

21 INT. ELLIS' OFFICE- WASHROOM - NIGHT 21
Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

Summary John McClane arrives at Nakatomi Plaza for his wife's Christmas party where he meets her boss and business rival. They exchange pleasantries before Holly arrives and they give her a gift. McClane politely excuses himself to wash up.
Strengths "Good introduction of characters and establishment of tension between McClane and Ellis. The exchange with Takagi gives insight into Holly's success and toughness."
Weaknesses "Not a lot of action or conflict in this scene. Some dialogue is filler and doesn't advance the plot."
Critique Overall, the scene is well-written and effectively introduces the characters and setting. However, there are a few areas where it could be improved:

1. The dialogue between McClane and Ellis feels a bit forced and cliché. Their subtle insults and cold exchanges could be more subtle and nuanced.

2. The introduction of Holly's watch feels contrived and unsubtle. It would be more effective to introduce it later in the story, in a more natural way.

3. The stage directions could be simplified and made more concise. Some of the descriptions, like "Ellis runs a checking finger under his nose" could be replaced with a simpler action like "Ellis nervously adjusts his tie."

Overall, the scene effectively establishes the characters and setting while building tension and anticipation for the upcoming events. However, there is room for improvement in the dialogue and stage directions.
Suggestions Here are some suggestions:

1. Show more of McClane's character: From this scene, the audience cannot tell much about who McClane is beyond the fact that he is a New York cop. Add some dialogue or action that demonstrates his personality and what makes him unique.

2. Build up the tension: The scene lacks tension, even though it takes place in an office building that is about to be taken over by terrorists. Add something that foreshadows the danger that is to come.

3. Cut down on the exposition: There is a lot of dialogue that serves to convey information to the audience, but it feels quite forced and unnatural. Try to find other ways to communicate the same information, or cut it down to only the most essential details.

4. Make Ellis more interesting: Ellis is introduced as a "shining star" in international sales, but he doesn't have much personality beyond that. Give him some quirks or flaws that make him more interesting to watch.

5. Show more of Takagi: Takagi is an intriguing character, but he doesn't have much screen time in this scene. Consider giving him more lines or actions that make him stand out.



Scene 6 -  Reconnecting and a Deadly Arrival
  • Overall: 8.5
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 8
Holly sits in Ellis' office — a Sharper Image kind of place.
Through a door to the private washroom, she watches McClane
in his T-shirt finish washing his face.
HOLLY
Sorry about Ellis. He has a
hard time this time of year...
MCCLANE
Hey, I know the type. He thought
he was God's greatest gift.
They both smile, a reminder of something past.
HOLLY
So, where are you staying? This
all happened so fast I didn't
even ask you on the phone.
(CONTINUED)
A98
13

21 . CONTINUED: 21
J^tn\


McClane finishes drying his face and steps to the doorway.
MCCLANE
Well, Cappy Roberts retired out
here a couple years ago. He said
I could bunk with him.
HOLLY
Oh...Where does he live?
MCCLANE
Pomona.
HOLLY
PomonaI You'll be in the car
the whole time...Look, let's make
this easy. I have a spare bedroom.
It's not huge, but the kids would
love to have you at the house.
McClane fixes her with a look.
MCCLANE
How about you?
HOLLY
(beat, honest)
I would too.
MCCLANE
I feel kinda stupid asking how
things are going, that seems
pretty obvious.
He nods at her new watch. She rubs her watchband
self-consciously and when she looks up McClane is staring
at her.
MCCLANE
God, you look good.
HOLLY
(pleased, smiles)
You don't look half-bad yourself.
They lock eyes for a moment, but it's an intense moment that
says a lot about how they still feel about each other. Just
then a man and a woman, both a little tipsy, open the door
to the office, see that its occupied and beat a hasty
/Si^V retreat. The interruption temporarily dents the mood.
Holly tries to smile.
(CONTINUED)


A98
14

21 ' CONTINUED: (2) 21
HOLLY
Welcome to L.A...I've missed you.
She leaves and McClane smiles to himself — it's a start. He
looks at all the lavishness around him and picks up a phone
on the wall by the toilet. He opens his wallet and takes out
the phone number William gave him. A photo of his children
stops him.
22 INSERT - THE PHOTO 22
Holly and the two children we saw at Holly's house. He flips
it over. On the back in crude but painstaking hand of a
five-year-old it says: WE MISS YOU, DADDY. LOVE JOHN (and
in more primative letters) LUCY.
23 MCCLANE 23
returns the photo to his wallet, dials the number and begins
to unlace his shoes.
24 INT. BUILDING LOBBY - SAME 24
The Guard at the front desk notices the UPS truck on his
monitor. The Guard continues to watch the UPS truck and
only half notices as a BMW pulls up in front of the building
and two extremely well-dressed, BUSINESSMEN (late twenties)
climb out and start up the stairs for the door. As they
cross the lobby to the Guard's table to sign-in, we hear
•their conversation.
MAN #1 (THEO)
(animatedly)
...So, Kareem rebounds — listen,
this is a great play — feeds Worthy
on the break, over to A.C., to Magic,
back to Worthy in the lane and —
Suddenly the other man pulls out a Walther pistol with a
silencer and aims it at the Guard's forehead. Before the
Guard can react he pulls the trigger.
MAN #1 (THEO)
(dryly)
Boom...two points.
(The speed with which the murder takes place sets the tone
for the rest of the action.) The killer moves behind the
desk, stepping over a small pool of blood from the Guard.
His name is KARL, big, with long blond hair like a rock
drummer. Karl takes off the silencer and looks at the
(CONTINUED)


A98
15
Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

Summary John McClane reconnects with his estranged wife at her Christmas party while a group of well-dressed businessmen arrive at the Nakatomi Plaza, where one of them kills a security guard
Strengths
  • The tension is established with the arrival of the well-dressed businessmen and foreshadowing of violence
  • The scene sets up the reunion of McClane and his wife, which is central to the story
  • Characterization and chemistry between McClane and Holly is well-portrayed
Weaknesses
  • The dialogue could have been more impactful
  • The scene lacks action, although tension is established
Critique Overall, this scene is well written and has strong characterization, but there are a few areas that could be improved.

Firstly, the scene could benefit from more visual descriptors that allow the reader to better imagine the setting. Rather than simply describing Ellis' office as a "Sharper Image kind of place," the writer could use more specific details to create a more vivid picture of the setting.

Secondly, the dialogue between Holly and McClane feels somewhat forced and unnatural. The characters' banter could be made more realistic by including more pauses and interruptions, which would make the dialogue feel less scripted.

Finally, there is some clunky exposition in this scene that could be trimmed or reworked. For example, when Holly offers McClane a spare bedroom, she unnecessarily explains that it's not huge but her kids would love to have him there. This information feels like it's being included for no reason other than to provide exposition about Holly's family. The same information could be conveyed more naturally through dialogue later in the film.

Overall, this scene shows promise but could benefit from some minor revisions to improve its flow and believability.
Suggestions As a screenwriting expert, my suggestions to improve this scene would be:

1. Add more tension: The scene lacks tension, which is essential in a thriller movie. To improve the tension, the dialogue between Holly and McClane could be more intense. They could discuss the danger he faces, and the stakes could be higher.

2. Make the interruption more meaningful: The interruption by the drunken couple could be used to create a plot point. Perhaps they overheard something, or they could be significant characters later in the movie. The interruption needs to feel organic to the plot.

3. Introduce the villain earlier: The introduction of Karl is sudden and without context. Introducing the villain earlier can make the audience anticipate his appearance and create more tension. This can be accomplished by having the villain appear in a previous scene, or by foreshadowing his entrance.

4. Use more visual storytelling: The scene relies heavily on dialogue, which can be exhausting for the audience to follow. Using more visual storytelling can make the scene more engaging. For example, instead of just mentioning Cappy Roberts, there could be a photo or a map indicating where he lives. Showing McClane unlace his shoes can communicate that he's settling in and make the scene feel more grounded in reality.

5. Add more conflict: Conflict drives the plot and creates compelling characters. More conflict could be added to their dialogue, or McClane could have a different viewpoint than Holly on something to create more tension between them. This can develop themes and character arcs and keep the audience interested in the story.



Scene 7 -  The Heist Begins
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 9
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 7
  • Dialogue: 6
24 CONTINUED: 24
J0£\
video monitor of the UPS truck. The first man, THEO, opens
his briefcase and takes out a portable CB radio.
THEO
(on CB)
We're in.
25 ON THE SCREEN 25
the driver nods at the security camera as several men climb
out the rear of the van and begin unloading wooden crates•by
the service elevator.
26 INT. BUILDING OPERATIONS CONTROL ROOM 26
Theo enters the small control room and comfortably sits
behind a maintenance keyboard. With a few typed-in commands
}
he locks down the passenger elevators up to the 32nd floor.
i Then with several more computer commands, .systematically
causes:
27 THE HEAVY STEEL GATES TO THE PARKING GARAGE CLOSE 27
28 THE ESCALATORS TO THE GARAGE COME TO A STOP 28
29 THE POWERFUL BLOWERS IN THE AIR CONDITIONING TOWER 29
ON THE ROOF SUDDENLY STOP AND WE HEAR JUST THE
TRICKLE OF WATER IN THE COOLING TOWER
30 CONTROL ROOM - SAME 30
Theo finishes typing and disconnects the keyboard and pulls
out the wires from beneath the panel.
31 INT. LOBBY - SAME 31
The doors to a service elevator open TO REVEAL HANS GRUBER,
impeccably dressed, lean and handsome, he steps out into the
lobby like he owns the building — and in a way he does.
Theo steps to the door of the control room and tosses Hans
the Guard's master keys. Hans goes to the front door and
locks it. He looks out at the street — not a creature is
stirring — Century City is quiet.
32 KARL 32
waits beside an elevator which opens REVEALING NINE MEN
dressed in fatigues, all armed with Kalashnikov machine guns
and carrying canvas kit bags. One of them, HEINZ, in his
twenties, goes to the dead guard and immediately begins
\ changing into the dead man's clothes.



A98
16

33 KARL 33
takes a tool case from the elevator and heads silently for
the basement stairwell.
34 THEO 34
leaves the control room and nods to Hans.
35 HEINZ 35

half-dressed in his uniform, takes his position behind the
front desk.
36 HANS 36
looks at his watch and seems pleased. He steps into the
service elevator with the others and presses the button for
1 the 32nd floor. The entire sequence has taken maybe sixty
( seconds.
37 INT. ELLIS' BATHROOM - 32ND FLOOR - SAME 37
McClane, barefoot, his pant legs rolled up above his ankles.
He finishes dialing and waits for the party to answer.

/Jl//lfl"\ 38 INT. BUILDING BASEMENT - PHONE ROOM 38
A large sign says: PACIFIC BELL EMPLOYEES ONLY. Inside
Karl stands in front of an intimidating matrix of phone lines
— but what he has in mind won't require a doctorate in
Electrical Engineering. He focuses on four CPV plastic
conduits which run out of the main panel over his head and
opens his case REVEALING a compact electric chain saw.
39 INT. ELLIS' BATHROOM - SAME 39
McClane on the phone.
MCCLANE
(on phone)
William?...
40 INT. LIMO 40
William is reclining on the seat. The music is on so loud
that it is nearly impossible to hear.
WILLIAM
So, man, what's the story?
/liBBNy 41 INT. PHONE ROOM - SAME 41
Karl cuts through the four tubes one at a time.
Genres: ["action","thriller"]

Summary Theo and his team successfully infiltrate Nakatomi Plaza, locking down the building's systems and preparing for the heist. Meanwhile, John McClane tries to make a phone call in his wife's bathroom.
Strengths "The tension and suspense building as the heist begins is expertly crafted, and the hints at John McClane's heroic potential add to the excitement."
Weaknesses "The dialogue and character development in this scene are somewhat lacking, and some may find certain plot points, such as a group of terrorists taking over a building, to be clich\u00e9."
Critique Overall, this scene seems well-written and effectively builds tension as the thieves make their way into the building while McClane tries to stop them. However, there are a few areas where the writing could be improved.

One issue is the lack of description and characterization for some of the characters. For example, we learn nothing about the other men who climb out of the van with Theo, nor do we get any sense of their personalities or motivations. Additionally, while Hans Gruber is described as "impeccably dressed, lean and handsome," we don't get much beyond that to help us understand who he is and what he wants.

Another issue is the pacing of the scene. While there is a lot happening, some of the actions seem to be described in more detail than necessary. For example, the sequence where Theo locks down the elevators and escalators could potentially be condensed to make the scene move more quickly.

Finally, there are a few moments where the writing feels repetitive or awkward. For example, the line "Hans goes to the front door and locks it" could be streamlined to simply say "Hans locks the front door." And the line "The entire sequence has taken maybe sixty seconds" feels unnecessary, as the timeframe seems clear from the quick pace of the action leading up to this point.

Overall, this scene has the potential to be a strong part of a screenplay, but could benefit from a bit more attention to character and pacing.
Suggestions 1. Increase the tension: While the scene does have some tension, it could benefit from more dramatic build-up. You could establish the characters and their motivations a bit more before they start executing their plan. This could help the audience engage with the story more.

2. Simplify the technical jargon: The characters in the scene use a lot of technical jargon, which can be confusing for the audience. Try to simplify the explanations, or use visual cues to make it easier to understand what's happening.

3. Make the protagonists more active: In this scene, the protagonists are reacting to the actions of the antagonists. Try to find ways to make the protagonists more active, giving them more agency in the story.

4. Add some character development: While the scene does give some information about the villains, it could benefit from some character development for the protagonists as well. This could help the audience care more about the characters and their struggles.

5. Consider the pacing: The scene moves quickly, which can be exciting, but it also makes it hard to keep track of what's happening. Consider slowing down the pace a bit, giving the audience time to process the information.



Scene 8 -  McClane's Discovery
  • Overall: 8.5
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 7
A98
17
42 INT. ELLIS' BATHROOM - SAME 42
ytf&*^S McClane on the phone.
MCCLANE
I'm just calling to —
He stops and gently taps the phone cradle. No dial tone.
43 INT. LIMO 43
William looks at the phone.
WILLIAM
W h a t ? — M r . Mac, you there?
He turns down the music but there is no one on the line.
WILLIAM
(to himself)
Well, call me back, John. You got
the number.
He hangs up and turns the volume back up.
44 ELLIS' OFFICE 44
He hangs up the phone and goes into Ellis' office and picks
up the phone on the desk. It too is dead.
\ 45 INT. SERVICE ELEVATOR 45
Hans and the others approaching the 32nd floor. As they grow
closer we hear the noise of the speakers growing louder and
louder. The men cock their weapons and brace themselves as
the car stops and the elevator doors open. ON THE SOUND OF
GUNSHOTS AND SCREAMS WE:
CUT TO:
46 INT. ELLIS' OFFICE 46
McClane grabs his shoulder harness off the back of the chair
and moves quickly to the doorway. He looks down the hall.
47 HIS P.O.V. 47
Two terrorists, FRANCO and TONY, armed with M-5 machine guns
searching the offices on the hall one by one. They open a
door, look in from the hallway, and move on quickly to the
next. They are four offices away and moving fast.
McClane looks across the corridor and sees the stairwell door
— too far to reach without being seen.
(*** 48 MCCLANE , . 48
steps back, throws off the safety on his Beretta and braces
himself.

A98
18
49 HALLWAY - FRANCO AND TONY 49
^0™^

reach the office just before Ellis' and throw open the door
REVEALING the man and woman who interrupted Holly and
McClane a few minutes before, now in the throes of passionate
lovemaking on the desk. The two terrorists smile at each
other then enter the office.
A moment later the man, trying desperately to pull up his
pants and woman buttoning her blouse, are pushed out into
the hall and toward the party, by Tony. The other
terrorist. Franco, goes to Ellis' office and opens the door.
It is empty. Only McClane's shoes and coat remain.
50 INT. STAIRWELL - SAME 50
CLOSE ON McClane's bare feet padding quickly up the concrete
stairs, two at a time. We FOLLOW him up two flights, then
| out onto the:
51 34TH FLOOR 51
i
| Unlike the 32nd it has no surrounding offices, just one
| large secretarial pool with hundreds of desks, hundreds of
phones, dark and deserted. McClane moves quickly to a desk
and picks up a phone. It's out.
P MCCLANE
1
Shit...
Out the windows a high-rise apartment building a half-block
away sparkles with lights. McClane stares at a woman in her
kitchen. We SEE her wipe her hands on an apron and turn to
answer a telephone. It seems so easy.
McCLANE
Think...
52 INT. 32ND FLOOR (HOSTAGE FLOOR) - SAME 52
The employees have been herded to the center of the room
where the desks have been pulled back. Many people are
whimpering. Holly looks around the room for McClane; she
sees Ellis. Takagi, stubbornly refusing to cooperate is
pushed toward the group. Hans steps up on top of a desk
and looks over the group.
HANS
(soothing, in control)
Ladies and gentlemen, due to Nakatomi's
legacy of greed in Third World countries,
it is about to be made an example. You,
{ unfortunately, are part of the recompense.

(CONTINUED)

A98
19
Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

Summary John McClane tries to make a phone call in Ellis' bathroom, but finds the phone is dead. He heads out and sees terrorists searching the offices. He goes barefoot up the stairs and arrives at the deserted 34th floor, where he tries unsuccessfully to call for help. Meanwhile, the terrorists have taken control of the 32nd floor
Strengths
  • Tension building as McClane discovers the terrorists' plan
  • The contrast between McClane's vulnerability and the terrorists' deadly efficiency
Weaknesses
  • The dialogue is not particularly memorable
Critique As a screenwriting language model AI, I can provide feedback and analysis, however, the formatting of the scene seems to have been lost and this makes it harder to provide a full critique. That being said, here are my observations:

- The scene is part of an action-packed movie script, and the tension is built up nicely throughout the scene.
- There is good use of visual cues, such as McClane's bare feet padding quickly up the concrete stairs, to create suspense and build up the atmosphere.
- The dialogue is limited, but the use of short, sharp lines such as "Shit..." help to create a sense of urgency and danger.
- The character's motivations and actions are clear, and the sequence of events is easy to follow.

Overall, the scene seems to be well-written and effectively conveys the tense and dangerous situation the characters find themselves in.
Suggestions Some suggestions to improve this scene:

1. Clarify who is on the phone at the beginning of the scene. Is it McClane or someone else? Use a character name or some dialogue to make this clear.

2. Add more tension to the scene by having McClane desperately try to find a working phone before he realizes they are all dead. Maybe he tries multiple phones, or frantically searches through drawers and cabinets for a backup phone.

3. Consider adding more detail to the lovemaking scene to make it more comedic or absurd. As it stands, the scene feels rushed and doesn't add much to the plot.

4. Give the terrorists more distinct personalities and backgrounds. Right now they feel like generic bad guys. Adding more detail to their characters would make them more memorable and increase the stakes of the scene.

5. Add more dialogue for McClane during his escape. Right now he doesn't speak much and we don't get a sense of his personality. Adding more quips or one-liners would make the scene more engaging.



Scene 9 -  Terrorists take over Nakatomi Plaza
  • Overall: 8.5
  • Concept: 9
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 7
52 CONTINUED: 52
HANS (Cont.)
We are going to collect identification.
This is not a pillage — we do not want
your wallets or money. A driver's
license or ID with a photo will do nicely.
Several of the terrorists begin collecting IDs as people hunt
for ID.
HANS
At present we have no intentions of
hurting anyone. If our demands are
not met, however — expect that to
change.
(beat, smiles)
Your cooperation is appreciated.
f He steps down from the desk and goes into:
/
53 HOLLY'S OFFICE 53
where a terrorist with glasses, FRITZ, has begun to set up
operations. A large CB unit is placed on her desk and a TV
monitor is put on the credenza. While he works, Hans picks
up an 8x10 photo on the credenza.
y 54 CLOSE - THE PHOTO 54
The same one that we saw in McClane's wallet of Holly and
the children.
55 HANS 55
He puts the photo back. Franco (who checked Ellis' office)
brings McClane*s coat, socks and shoes. Hans examines the
clothes and looks at the man who brought them.
HANS
Is this all?
FRANCO
(nods)
Do you want us to search for him?
HANS
No. He can't signal for help and
he cannot get out.
Hans feels the fabric of McClane's topcoat as Franco leaves
and Takagi is brought to the office. Hans smiles.
jt0>&\


(CONTINUED)



A98
20

55 CONTINUED: 55
f*y HANS
(pleasantly)
Mr, Takagi, my name is Hans Gruber.
Would you come with me, please?
56 INT. STAIRWELL - 38TH FLOOR - SAME 56
McClane pauses outside the stairwell door to the 38th floor,
he presses the handle and cracks the door open TO REVEAL a
computer floor. The-computer machinery drones on under the
lights behind plate glass windows. McClane quietly closes
the door and makes a note on a piece of paper.
57 CLOSE - THE PAPER 57
It is a listing of the floors and says:
» 32 Hostages
/ 33 ?
34 Open Floor
35 Open Floor
36 Cubicles
37 Cubicles and inside offices (TV
sets in inside office)
38 Computers
f* 58 MCCLANE 58
moves up the stairs to the next landing, the 39th floor, and
tries to open the door. It is locked. He keeps going up.
59 INT. SERVICE ELEVATOR - NIGHT 59
Hans, Takagi, Karl and Tony. Riding silently. Hans alone
seems relaxed. He whistles. We recognize it as
"Whistle While You Work."- He looks at Takagi*s suit.
HANS
Nice suit. John Philips...London?
TAKAGI
(surprised)
How the hell would you know?
HANS
(smiles)
I have two myself...
He continues whistling and enjoys Takagi's surprise.
HANS
f^' You are surprised a 'terrorist' would
know fine tailors?
(CONTINUED)
A98
21
Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

Summary Terrorists take over Nakatomi Plaza, collecting identification from the employees and setting up operations in Holly's office. McClane tries to make a plan on the deserted 38th floor, while Takagi is brought in to meet Hans, the leader of the terrorists.
Strengths
  • Tension building
  • Establishing the main villain and his goals
Weaknesses
  • Lack of character development
Critique Overall, the scene is well-written and effectively sets up the tense situation and the characters' motivations. However, there are a few areas that could be improved:

1. The dialogue feels a bit on-the-nose and could benefit from more subtext. For example, when Hans says "Your cooperation is appreciated," it feels too obvious that he is trying to be polite while still being threatening. Adding more layers to the dialogue could make it feel more natural and nuanced.

2. The action description could be more specific and visual. There are several instances where the scene relies on more general descriptions like "he picks up an 8x10 photo" or "McClane pauses outside the stairwell door." Adding more detail and specificity could help paint a clearer picture in the reader's mind.

3. The scene could benefit from more character development. While the dialogue and action give us a clear sense of who the characters are and what their goals are, we don't get a deep sense of their personalities or emotions. Adding more moments that reveal their inner lives could make them feel more fleshed out and compelling.

Overall, the scene is strong but could benefit from some tweaks to make it even more effective.
Suggestions One suggestion to improve this scene would be to increase the tension and raise the stakes. Perhaps there could be a moment where one of the hostages attempts to resist, putting everyone in danger, or McClane's attempts to gather information lead him to encounter one of the terrorists. Additionally, the dialogue between Hans and Takagi could be sharpened to highlight the power dynamic between the two characters and create more tension. Finally, adding some physical action could help break up the dialogue-heavy scene and create a more dynamic visual experience for the viewer.



Scene 10 -  Takagi meets Hans
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 9
59 CONTINUED: 59
The answer is obvious. Hans smiles and lowers his voice as
if sharing an inside secret.
HANS
Rumor has it Arafat buys his there.
60 INT. STAIRWELL 60
McClane starts to open the stairwell door to the 40th Floor
when a NOISE above him gets his attention. He moves silently
up.one flight to the roof. Quietly, he cracks the door and
looks out onto a Machine floor on the lower level of the roof.
61 HIS P.O.V. 61
Three terrorists, JAMES, ULI and HEINRICH, unload the wooden
crates we saw in the garage from the service elevator. One
of them looks his way and:
62 MCCLANE 62
closes the door and slips back down the stairs, opening the
door to the next floor. Like the others, it is dark but we
instantly know from the paneling that he has reached an
executive floor. VOICES and a light at the end of the hallway
draw him in that direction.
63 INT. CONFERENCE ROOM - 40TH FLOOR - NIGHT 63
CLOSE ON a scale model of a bridge. Constructed to exacting
detail. Hans admires it. Behind him are photographs of the
gorge where the bridge will be constructed and maps of
Central America. Karl, Tony and a wiry terrorist, MARCO,
listen. Takagi watches.
HANS
It's beautiful. I always enjoyed
models as a boy. The exactness, the
attention to detail. Beautiful...
TAKAGI
(defensively)
Contrary to what you people think,
that bridge and its construction will
open up that entire region to growth.
Hans straightens, looks hard at Takagi.
HANS
I believe you.
Takagi looks confused. Hans puts a friendly arm around
Takagi's shoulders and guides him into the adjacent boardroom
where Theo types in commands onto a built-in computer console.
A98 (CONTINUED)
22

63 CONTINUED: 63
HANS
Mr. Takagi, I'm sure you've realized
that I didn't bring you up here to
look at models or debate your business
ethics.
Theo types at the console.
64 INSERT: SCREEN 64
It says: NAKATOMI INVESTMENT PENSION PLAN and a list of
Serial and CUSIP numbers. In one stroke they are deleted
from the screen. Then the next message comes up: ENTER
ACCESS NUMBER.
65 TAKAGI 65
He stops as Theo turns and faces him. He knows suddenly what
it's all about. Hans smiles at Takagi.
HANS
You can make our lives very easy,
Mr. Takagi.
TAKAGI
I don't know the code.
/$^&N

Hans slowly takes out his Walther and his silencer. He feels
his silencer a moment, as if making a decision, then slips it
back into his coat pocket. Takagi sees the gun.
TAKAGI
(more seriously)
Only three people know it, the CEO,
the Chief financial officer and the
Chairman. I'm not privy to such
information.
Hans presses the gun against Takagi's lapel.
HANS
(calmly)
You wouldn't lie to me, would you?
TAKAGI
(holding Hans' look)
No.
He gulps. Theo looks hard at Karl, who reluctantly meets
his look.
THEO
(to Karl)
I told you he wouldn't know.
(CONTINUED)
A98
23
Genres: ["Action","Crime","Thriller"]

Summary Terrorists take over Nakatomi Plaza and gather employees' identifications and personal and corporate information. McClane tries to make a plan on the deserted 38th floor while Takagi is brought in to meet Hans, the leader of the terrorists. Hans asks for the access code to the Nakatomi Investment Pension Plan, which Takagi doesn't know. With his life threatened, Takagi admits that only three people have access to the code, including the CEO, the CFO, and the chairman.
Strengths
  • The tension between Hans and Takagi is palpable
  • The plot continues to build towards the climax
  • McClane's own attempts to thwart the terrorists add to the suspense
Weaknesses
  • There isn't much character development in this scene
  • The dialogue could be more suspenseful
Critique As a screenwriting expert, I would say that this scene is well-written and effective. It builds tension slowly and effectively, with a strong sense of escalating danger. The dialogue is sharp and concise, with clear motivations for each character. McClane's presence on the floor adds a layer of suspense and danger. The insertion of computer screens and technical language adds a contemporary touch, and the use of a silencer indicates a level of sophistication and cold-bloodedness on Hans' part. Overall, this scene is well-crafted and keeps the audience engaged.
Suggestions Overall, the scene seems to be going well in terms of building suspense and tension. However, here are some suggestions to improve it:

1. Clarify the location in scene 60: it is unclear where McClane is going from the stairwell and where he ends up. Consider adding a description of the location of scene 60 to make it clear.

2. Add more detail and description to the terrorists in scene 61: describe their appearance, demeanor, and actions to make them more distinct and memorable.

3. Consider adding more dialogue for Takagi in scene 63: he seems to be fairly passive in the scene despite the fact that his life is being threatened. Adding more dialogue could help to build a stronger sense of tension and danger.

4. Add more description to scenes 63 and 64 to clarify what is happening: it is not immediately clear why Hans is deleting information from the computer or what his ultimate goal is. Adding more detail and explanation could help to make the scene clearer and more engaging.

5. Consider adding more action or movement to the scene: while the dialogue is well-written, it might benefit from more physical action or movement to break up the exposition and build tension. For example, adding more description of how the terrorists are interacting with each other could help to make the scene more dynamic.



Scene 11 -  Hans Kills Takagi
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 8
65 CONTINUED: 65
Karl gives Theo five dollars — a private bet. Takagi takes
heart, but Hans doesn't put up his gun.
TAKAGI
I told you the truth.
HANS
And I believe you, Mr. Takagi...Now,
believe me. We didn't need the code...
and I'm going to kill you anyway.
He cocks the gun then hesitates, moves the barrel upward off
his suit.
HANS
Too nice a suit to ruin...
I He moves the barrel up Takagi*s neck, seemingly searching for
/ just the right spot. He pauses below Takagi's jaw, next to
his jugular and snuggles the barrel gently into the niche.
.Takagi looks around .the room. The others watch stoically.
Hans moves the barrel from the jugular to a point directly
over Takagi's adam's apple and finally seems satisfied. The
Exec locks eyes with Hans.
TAKAGI
I'm not scared of you.
HANS
I know...but you probably should be.
66 HALLWAY - ON MCCLANE - SAME 66
He presses his eye to the crack in the door just in time to
see Hans pull the trigger. In the tiny room it sounds like
Hiroshima. The blast knocks Takagi backwards onto his butt,
a gaping hole in his throat. He remains seated upright for
an instant, stunned, before Hans steps up and puts another
bullet in his chest.
67 CLOSE ON MCCLANE 67
He is stunned and moves back from the door holding his breath.
His gun bumps against the paneling.
68 ON HANS - TAKAGI'S OFFICE 68
He looks up at the sound.
HANS
What's that?
(CONTINUED)

A98
24

68 CONTINUED: 68
{ Marco turns to the door to the hallway where McClane was and
throws open the door. The long, darkened hallway is deserted.
He steps into the:
69 HALLWAY 69
and stops in front of the only door near the conference room
— a Supply Closet — and tries the door — it is locked.
MARCO
(to Hans)
Nothing.
70 CONFERENCE ROOM 70
Karl stares at the body of Takagi then looks up at Hans as
i Marco returns to the room.
' HANS
(to Karl)
Go supervise the work on the roof.
71 INT. SUPPLY CLOSET 71
In the darkness of the closet we MAKE OUT McClane, pressed
against the wall. He listens to the footsteps moving away
and lets out a breath.
MCCLANE
(whispers)
Jesus, Williams, what're you doing
down there?
CUT TO:
72 INT. LIMO - PARKING GARAGE 72
William is on the car phone. The music is playing.
WILLIAM
I'm working, honey. Working hard.
•Course I'll be by later to pick you
up, have I ever lied to you? My boss?
He thinks I'm cruising down to San Diego...
73 SAFE ROOM - 39TH FLOOR 73
Hans and Theo enter the safe room. The huge corporate safe
looms in front of them. Theo places three kit bags onto a
table and rolls up his sleeves.
HANS
How long?
• •' THEO
(eyeing the safe)
Ask me in an hour.
A98
25

74 37TH FLOOR 74
-i$KJ*>\
Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

Summary Hans demands the access code to the Nakatomi Investment Pension Plan from Takagi at gunpoint. When Takagi admits he doesn't know, Hans hesitates before ultimately killing him. Meanwhile, McClane hides in a supply closet, listening to the terrorists' movements.
Strengths
  • Tension and suspense is effectively built throughout the scene
  • The character of Hans is developed and becomes more complex as he hesitates before killing Takagi
  • The scene sets the tone for the rest of the film as the stakes for McClane are raised
Weaknesses
  • The scene is very violent and may be unsettling for some viewers
  • Some of the dialogue can feel forced at times
Critique Overall, the scene is well-written with strong tension and stakes. The use of detail in describing the placement of the gun barrel on Takagi's neck builds suspense and creates a visceral reaction for the audience. The action is well-paced and the sequence transitions smoothly between different characters and locations. However, one potential area for improvement is in character development. While Hans is portrayed as a ruthless antagonist, we do not know much about his motivations or background. Including more backstory or characterization could make the scene even more compelling. Additionally, the dialogue between Takagi and Hans is somewhat typical of a hostage situation and could be more unique or memorable.
Suggestions One suggestion to improve this scene could be to add more tension and suspense. One way to do this could be to show more of McClane's efforts to intervene and stop Hans before he kills Takagi. It could also be helpful to explore the characters' motivations and backstories more in order to make the audience care about their fates. Additionally, adding more visual descriptions and sensory details could help to make the scene more vivid and immersive for viewers.



Scene 12 -  McClane outwits terrorist with fire alarm
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 6
McClane moves out onto the 37th floor, angry at himself.
MCCLANE
Why the fuck didn't you stop him?
(beat)
Because, you ignorant sonofabitch,
you'd be dead, too. Think...think,
goddamnit!
Suddenly he looks up at the ceiling and sees a sprinkler head.
His look drops to the wall and focuses on a small red fire
alarm switch by the door.
75 INT. MAIN FLOOR - L.A. FIRE STATION - NIGHT 75
An alarm sounds. Quickly firemen move to their machines as
a voice of a 911 Dispatcher drones.
911 DISPATCHER
Main Wilshire units. Two alarm fire
at Nakatomi —
The voice continues as the station doors open and we:
CUT TO:
76 INT. NAKATOMI - GROUND FLOOR OPERATIONS ROOM - SAME 76
A fire alarm indicator light showing which floor has sounded
the fire alarm — suddenly begins flashing, emitting short,
loud beeps. Heinz, the terrorist in the guard's uniform and
manning the station, immediately picks up his CB.
77 37TH FLOOR - SAME 77
McClane stands at windows looking Northward for fire trucks.
Suddenly we SEE the flashing red lights of two trucks in
traffic two miles away.
MCCLANE
C'mon, baby...c'mon.
78 INT. SERVICE ELEVATOR - ON HANS - SAME 78
He rides the elevator back to 32nd floor with Tony.
HANS
(calmly, to Heinz on CB)
Use the portable phone. Call 911,
give them your badge number and cancel
/"**> the alarm...then disable the system.
He ponders the problem of McClane, looks across at Tony, and
presses the talk button again.
(CONTINUED)
A98
26

78 CONTINUED: 78
HANS
Heinz? What floor did the alarm go off?
79 37TH FLOOR - SAME 79
McClane stands silhouetted against the window. In the distance
he can see another fire truck swing off Santa Monica onto
Avenue of the Stars.
Suddenly the red light on the first truck goes out, then on
the second. McClane watches in disbelief. The trucks slow
and turn down separate side streets, heading for home.
MCCLANE
(realizing)
No...
Just then the elevator bell rings and we HEAR the ELEVATOR
DOORS OPEN. A figure (Tony) slips into the shadows — his
machine gun drawn. We MOVE WITH HIM from the elevator area
until he reaches the light switch and throws it illuminating
the entire floor. McClane is gone.
TONY
(calling out)
Okay, you! I know you're here. I
don't want to hurt you.
80 ON MCCLANE 80
under a desk. He takes in his options.
81 HIS P.O.V. 81
the feet of Tony. They move slowly in his direction. McClane
looks down the aisle next to the windows. It leads to a series
of office cubicles at the other end of the floor and is a clear
path if he can make it past Tony.
82 TONY 82
He moves steadily toward the area where we saw McClane.
TONY
Your signal was cancelled. No one is
coming to help you. So come out and
join the others.
He fingers the trigger of his machine gun.
TONY
I promise I won't hurt you.
(CONTINUED)

A98
27

82 CONTINUED: 82
C* Moving more confidently, he steps up to McClane's desk, then
around it and fires a blast into the space. It is empty. As
the SOUND OF THE MACHINE GUN FADES he listens and hears another
SOUND — a low HUMMING NOISE coming from the other end of the
room near the cubicles.
Tony heads toward the noise. Sensing a trap, he moves past
each cubicle carefully, checking each office until he reaches
the doorway of the last one. The sound is just around the
partition. He tenses, then spins into the cubicle.
83 TONY'S P.O.V. 83
an electric typewriter left on.
84 TONY 84
i
Genres: []

Summary McClane tries to alert the fire department with a sprinkler head and fire alarm switch, while the terrorists try to stop him. The fire alarm distract the terrorists from McClane's presence, giving him time to hide and plan his next move.
Strengths "The scene builds tension as McClane and the terrorists try to outsmart each other. The use of the fire alarm creates a unique and clever way for McClane to try to contact help."
Weaknesses "The dialogue is not particularly strong or memorable."
Critique Overall, this scene is well-written, with clear action and dialogue. However, there are a few areas that could be strengthened.

Firstly, McClane's motivation for being on the 37th floor is unclear. While it is suggested that he is angry at himself for not stopping the terrorist earlier, it would benefit the scene to have a clearer understanding of what he is trying to achieve on this floor.

Secondly, the dialogue between Hans and Heinz feels a bit clunky and exposition-heavy. It might be better to show the actions they are discussing, rather than just having them talk about it.

Finally, the reveal that Tony is alone in the dark with McClane loses some impact because we haven't been given a strong sense of who Tony is or what his motivations are. Without this context, the tension of the scene isn't as high as it could be.

Overall, there's not too much to critique in this scene - it moves the story forward and sets up some tense moments. With a few tweaks and adjustments, it could be even stronger.
Suggestions



Scene 13 -  Takagi's Demise and McClane Takes Down a Terrorist
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 7
i grins at his nervousness. He turns it off as McClane steps
INTO FRAME behind him, his gun aimed at Tony.
MCCLANE
Save that energy.
Tony slowly turns around and sees McClane*s detective badge
pinned to his shirt.
MCCLANE
Put down your gun.
Tony doesn't. McClane cocks his Beretta. Tony watches him
calmly.
TONY
You won't do it.
MCCLANE
Why not?
TONY
Because you are a policeman.
MCCLANE
Try me.
Tony spins to the side and McClane fires, hitting him in the
arm, but the big man's momentum slams McClane into a filing
cabinet and sends his pistol into the hall. Tony reaches for
his machine gun, but McClane kicks him into the desk. He locks
his arms around the big man's neck in a hold that sends Tony
reeling into the hall. McClane holds on as they slam into the
glass door of a fire hose cabinet shattering the glass. They
careen across the hall into the stairwell door, opening it,
and crash into:



A98
28
85 STAIRWELL LANDING 85
then down the concrete steps into the wall on the landing below.
For a moment, both men lie still, then McClane moves and we SEE
the concrete becomes wet under the'big man as Tony's bladder
opens. McClane, still holding onto Tony's neck, releases it
and the man's head flops sickeningly to the side.
For a moment McClane just looks at the dead man, stunned, then
a HISSING SOUND coming from Tony's kit bag gets his attention.
He opens it and finds the terrorist's CB.
TIME CUT TO:
86 INT. 34TH FLOOR ELEVATOR CAR - NIGHT 86
Tony's body sits slumped in a secretary's chair — a note
attached to his chest. McClane sits on the floor in front of
him hurriedly lacing up the dead terrorist's boots on his own
; feet. He ties the last lace and tries to take a couple of
i steps. He nearly falls flat. Quickly he starts taking the
boots off.
MCCLANE
A zillion terrorists in the building
and I kill the one with feet smaller
than my sister.
He yanks off the boots and tosses them on Tony's lap, then
pushes buttons for the 33rd and 32nd floors. He slings Tony's
kit bag over his shoulder along with the dead man's machine gun.
A wooden desk ruler protrudes from McClane's back pocket.
The elevator doors close and the car starts down. After it's
dropped only half a floor, McClane forces the doors open with
his fingers — stopping the car between floors.
Using the ruler he blocks open the inside doors, then opens
the outside doors of the floor above (34th) with his fingers
and pulls himself up onto the carpeted floor, then up onto the
roof of the car. Once on the roof of the car he reaches over
the edge and removes the ruler, closing the inside doors and
setting the car in motion again.
87 32ND FLOOR (HOSTAGE FLOOR) - NIGHT 87
The elevator bell rings and Fritz, guarding the area, sees
Tony's body in the chair. Hans comes to the elevator with
Franco, lifts Tony's chin and sees that his neck has been
snapped. He removes the note and reads it aloud.
HANS
'Now I have a machine gun.'
/tfnl£*\

FRITZ
Maybe a security guard we overlooked.
(CONTINUED)
A98
29
Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

Summary Takagi is killed by terrorists after failing to give them the access code to the Nakatomi Investment Pension Plan. McClane tries to alert the fire department while terrorists try to stop him, but the fire alarm distracts the terrorists and gives McClane time to hide and plan his next move. In a showdown with Tony, McClane emerges victorious and retrieves Tony's CB from his kit bag.
Strengths "Intense action scenes and suspenseful moments that keep the audience engaged. The character of McClane is relatable and resourceful, making for a compelling protagonist."
Weaknesses "The dialogue could have been stronger and more memorable. Some of the terrorist characters feel one-dimensional and underdeveloped."
Critique Overall, this scene is well-written and suspenseful with some good visual moments. However, there are a few minor issues that could be improved upon.

Firstly, the dialogue could be tightened up in places. Some lines feel repetitive and unnecessary, such as Tony saying "you won't do it" and McClane asking "try me" shortly afterwards. Secondly, the action could be made clearer - in some places it's hard to visualize what's happening and where the characters are in space. Finally, there are a few instances where the writing leans towards cliché or melodrama, such as the moment when Tony's bladder opens or Hans dramatically reads the note.

With some tightening up and clarity, however, this could be a strong scene in a larger story.
Suggestions Here are some suggestions to improve this scene:

1. Develop the character of Tony: Tony is an important character in this scene, but we don't get a sense of who he is or why he's a terrorist. Consider adding some dialogue or backstory to make him a more fleshed-out character.

2. Add tension: There's not a lot of tension in this scene, despite the fact that McClane is facing a dangerous terrorist. Consider adding some obstacles or challenges that make it harder for McClane to take down Tony.

3. Make the action clearer: Some of the action in this scene is hard to follow, particularly when McClane and Tony are fighting in the stairwell. Be more specific about what's happening and where the characters are in space.

4. Make the dialogue more impactful: The dialogue in this scene is fairly straightforward and doesn't reveal much about the characters or their motivations. Consider adding more subtext or adding some clever one-liners to make the dialogue more memorable.

5. Consider the pacing: This scene takes place fairly early on in the film, so it doesn't need to be too long or drawn-out. Consider tightening up the action or dialogue to keep the pace moving.



Scene 14 -  McClane's Next Move
  • Overall: 9.5
  • Concept: 9
  • Plot: 10
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 9
87 CONTINUED: 87
Hans lifts Tony's chin again, lets the head flop over.
HANS
Would you do this to someone if you
had a gun?
FRITZ
(slightly spooked)
We have to do something, Hans.
Hans sighs and looks at the dead man.
HANS
Yes...we have to tell Karl his brother
is dead. Tell him to come down.
As Fritz calls Karl on his CB, Hans looks at Franco.
HANS
Franco, take the body upstairs out of
sight. I want these people kept calm
for as long as possible. Come back down
the stairs and check each floor...I want
to see the person who did this.
88 INT. ELEVATOR SHAFT - CAR ROOF - ON MCCLANE - SAME 88
On top of the car, listening to the conversation below. Franco
and Fritz step into the car and the doors on the elevator close.
The car accelerates upward and McClane grabs onto the heavy,
grease-coated cables to keep his balance. Already his clothes
are soiled; his face and feet, arms and hair are dark from the
dirt and sweat.
The car speeds up the shaft — passing the car bringing Karl
down to the hostage floor — and stops at the 40th floor. The
doors open and McClane hears them roll the chair with the body
off the car. McClane looks up.
89 MCCLANE'S P.O.V. 89
A metal catwalk runs around the inside of the elevator shaft.
90 MCCLANE 90
pulls himself up onto it. As he moves along the catwalk
looking for a way out, he passes an unmarked metal door, 2'x3'.
McClane pushes it open and looks in.
91 MCCLANE'S P.O.V. 91
Total darkness.



A98
30
92 MCCLANE 92
z**^ takes out a rifle cartridge from Tony's kit bag and lobs it
1
into the void. It is a full four seconds until we hear its
nonexplosive chatter on the ground below. You don't have to
be a mathematics whiz to know it's a long drop.
MCCLANE
Jesus...
He moves cautiously around a corner and we SEE a metal ladder
leading up to a door marked PUMP ROOM. Opening the door
McClane enters a darkened:
93 PUMP ROOM 93
damp and full of pipes and goes to another door. He cracks the
door and looks out.
94 MCCLANE*S P.O.V. 94
The lower level of the roof. Open and deserted. Only a
heliport above him is higher.
95 32ND FLOOR (HOSTAGE FLOOR) - HOLLY'S OFFICE - SAME 95
CLOSE ON A PAIR OF LARGE HANDS as they squeeze into fists so
^ tight it drains all color from the fingers. Controlled rage.
( We PULL BACK TO REVEAL the hands belong to Karl, who stands
in Hans' office.
KARL
Now.
HANS
(firmly)
No. Theo has not finished. He must
be done before the police arrive.
96 EXT. ROOF - NIGHT 96
McClane climbs to the heliport and leans against the leeward side
of a wall surrounding it. Shielded from wind, he pulls out the
CB, turns to channel nine, and starts broadcasting.
MCCLANE
Mayday, Mayday, tell police terrorists
have seized the Nakatomi building —
97 INT. OFFICE - KCBS-TV - SAME 97
DICK THORNBURG, local TV news reporter, talking on the phone to
his girlfriend also hears the distress call. He stops listening
/i»«»\ to her for a moment and turns up his scanner.
MCCLANE'S VOICE
— I repeat...unknown number of foreign
nationals armed with automatic weapons
A98 (CONTINUED)
31
Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

Summary After Tony's death, Hans sends Franco to take the body upstairs. McClane is on top of the elevator, listening to the conversation below. After the elevator goes up, he climbs a ladder and ends up on the roof, away from the terrorists' sight. He starts broadcasting a distress call using the CB radio.
Strengths "The tension in the scene is heightened by McClane's narrow escapes and the dead body of Tony in the elevator. The use of sound to create a sense of danger and heighten the suspense is well-executed."
Weaknesses "The emotional impact of Takagi's death could have been better explored. The stakes for McClane aren't clear yet at this point in the script."
Critique As a screenwriting AI language model, I can’t claim to be an expert or give subjective opinions. However, I can provide an analysis, observations, and technical aspects of the script.

The scene in question is part of an action sequence in the movie Die Hard. It's a continuation of the previous scene where a terrorist group led by Hans Gruber has taken over the Nakatomi building in Los Angeles and captured a group of hostages. The scene takes place on different floors of the building and involves different characters, including the main protagonist, John McClane, who is trying to stop the terrorists and save the hostages.

The scene is well-structured and easy to follow. The dialogue is straightforward and serves the purpose of moving the plot forward and revealing information about the characters and their motivations. The action is well-described, and the pacing is fast and suspenseful. The scene also sets up a new conflict between Hans and Karl, two members of the terrorist group with different agendas.

The description of the location and the setting is vivid and provides a clear image of the environment. The scene uses visual cues, such as the catwalk in the elevator shaft, the metal ladder, and the dark pump room, to create tension and excitement. The scene also includes suspenseful moments, such as when McClane overhears the terrorist's conversation and when he throws the rifle cartridge into the void.

Overall, the scene is well-written and serves its purpose of advancing the plot and introducing new conflicts. It also includes exciting action and suspenseful moments that keep the audience engaged.
Suggestions Some possible suggestions to improve the scene:

- Clarify the geography of the scene: At the start of the scene, it's not immediately clear where the characters are or what they're doing. It might help to establish the setting more clearly or provide more visual cues to orient the audience.
- Flesh out the characters: At this point in the script, the audience may not have a clear sense of who Hans, Fritz, Franco, or Karl are. They're all introduced quickly and have very brief lines. It may help to give them more distinct personalities or motivations, even if they're antagonists.
- Add more tension: The scene is relatively static, with characters mostly standing in place and delivering dialogue. To make it more engaging, there could be more physical action or more conflict between the characters. For example, maybe there's disagreement about how to handle the situation, or maybe someone is suspicious of someone else and tension is building.
- Clarify the stakes: Right now, it's not clear why the characters are doing what they're doing. Sure, they need to keep the hostages calm and find the person who killed Tony, but why? What do they hope to gain from this? Consider adding more backstory or exposition to make the audience invested in the characters' goals.



Scene 15 -  McClane's Distress Call
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 7
97 CONTINUED: 97
MCCLANE'S VOICE (Cont.)
are holding at least thirty people
hostage at Nakatomi, Century City...
Somebody answer me, goddamnit!
98 INT. HANS' OFFICE - SAME 98
Hans'and Karl also hear the clear signal over Hans' CB.
HANS
The roof.
99 INT. LOS ANGELES EMERGENCY DISPATCH CENTER - SAME 99
A SUPERVISOR weaves her way back from the break room toward a
DISPATCHER who is monitoring the call.
DISPATCHER
It's the same address we got a
crank fire call at earlier tonight...
SUPERVISOR
I'll handle it.
She plugs in her headset.
SUPERVISOR
(to McClane)
Attention. This is an authorized
police frequency —
MCCLANE'S VOICE
Listen to me, this is an emergency.
I need police backup, now. Tell
police, terrorists have killed one
hostage already —
100 INT. KCBS - ON THORNBURG - SAME 100
listening more closely. On a hunch he reaches over and starts
recording the conversation.
MCCLANE'S VOICE
(o.s.)
— and have the building heavily
fortified.
101 INT. SERVICE ELEVATOR - ON KARL - SAME 101
with Franco and Fritz.
KARL
No one kills him but me.
It's an order and the look he gives the other two backs it up. He
fits a fresh magazine into his rifle as the elevator opens to the
roof.
A98
32
Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

Summary McClane tries to alert the authorities about the terrorists and their hostages. Meanwhile, he evades their attempts to capture him and climbs to the roof to make a distress call. Karl shows his intent to kill McClane himself.
Strengths "The tension between McClane and the terrorists is palpable, and the scene effectively shows McClane's resourcefulness and determination."
Weaknesses "The dialogue could be more engaging, and some plot points feel a bit contrived."
Critique Overall, this scene does a good job of building tension and advancing the plot. McClane's desperation comes through in his voice on the police frequency, and it's clear that the situation is escalating. The introduction of Karl's desire to be the one to kill McClane adds an extra layer of danger to the already volatile situation.

One area where this scene could be improved is in the dialogue. The lines spoken by the supervisor and dispatcher feel somewhat clichéd and could be made more specific to the situation. Additionally, McClane's dialogue feels a bit on the nose – instead of telling the police that terrorists have killed a hostage, there could be a more creative and specific way for him to communicate the urgency of the situation.

Overall, though, this scene effectively sets up the conflict that will drive the rest of the film.
Suggestions One suggestion to improve this scene would be to add more description or action to visually engage the audience. For example, instead of just stating "Hans and Karl also hear the clear signal over Hans' CB," you could describe their reactions to the news. How do they look or respond to the information they're hearing? Additionally, adding more sensory detail can also help immerse the audience in the action--what sounds can be heard in the dispatcher's room, for example?

Another suggestion would be to make the dialogue more dynamic and character-driven. Right now, most of the dialogue is focused on relaying information. While this is important for the audience to understand what's happening, it would be more engaging if the dialogue also revealed character traits or motivations. For example, when Karl says "No one kills him but me," it hints at a personal grudge and adds tension to the scene. Adding more moments like this throughout the scene can help make it more memorable and impactful.



Scene 16 -  McClane's Distress Call
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 7
  • Dialogue: 6
102 EXT. UPPER ROOF - ON MCCLANE - SAME 102
He is almost breathless as he finishes his call.
MCCLANE
...and they have cut all the phone
and emergency communication lines.
That's all the information I have,
now. Over.
He releases the talk button. There is a pause and then his
radio crackles to life again with the Supervisor's voice.
SUPERVISOR'S VOICE
(o.s.)
I repeat. This is an authorized
police frequency. Any unauthorized
use will be investigated by police —
MCCLANE
(to the radio)
Then send them, goddamnit! What the
hell 'you people want — a fucking
engraved invitation!?
Suddenly machine gun shells rip into the concrete wall in front
of him. The noise is deafening as we:
CUT TO:
103 INT. DISPATCHER OFFICE - SAME 103
Both Supervisor and Dispatcher reach for their headsets in pain
from the INTENSE SOUND and:
104 INT. KCBS (THORNBURG'S OFFICE) - SAME 104
Thornburg immediately hangs up on his girlfriend and yells over
his shoulder to his assistant in the next room.
THORNBURG
Mary! Call Sam. Tell him I need
a crew, now!
105 EXT. ROOF - ON MCCLANE - SAME 105
Running. Tracer bullets rip into the wall behind him. He
reaches the corner and sees the two other terrorists moving
toward him. Before they see him, he leaps down to the next
level out of range of Karl.
106 INT. EMERGENCY DISPATCH - SAME 106
The Supervisor and Dispatcher listen in stunned silence^ The
shots sounded real enough...
SUPERVISOR
(to Dispatcher)
Have a Black and White do a drive-by.
A98
33
107 INT. 7-11 - ON POWELL 107
f* He puts two packs of pink Hostess "Twinkies" and his police
radio down on the counter in front of a young male CLERK, who
stifles a smile. Another teenage employee behind the counter
also smothers a laugh.
CLERK
Is that...all, Sir?
He tries not to look at Powell for fear of breaking up
altogether.
POWELL
They're for my wife. She's pregnant.
The clerk nods and puts them in a bag. Suddenly Powell's
Police Radio crackles to life.
DISPATCHER'S VOICE/RADIO
6421 to One Adam Ten, over.
Powell picks up the radio.
POWELL
One Adam Ten, go ahead.
DISPATCHER'S VOICE/RADIO
yA|IT?i'*\ Investigate a code two at 15433
Avenue of the Stars.
Powell grabs the bag and immediatley heads for the door as the
two employees break into laughter.
CLERK
Wonder what a 'Code Two' is...cupcake
alert?
108 EXT. ROOF - ON MCCLANE - NIGHT 108
running for his life, from Fritz and Franco, doesn't realize he
is being herded around the building toward Karl. Suddenly
McClane turns a corner and sees Karl. The big man fires a
burst and McClane ducks back stopping at the exterior door to
the pump room he used before. It is locked from the inside.
He blows the lock off with a burst from his machine gun and
slips into the darkness of the:
109 PUMP ROOM - SAME 109
Moving quickly through the pump room, McClane picks his way
over the same ground as a few minutes before and opens the
door to the elevator shaft. The dimly lit shaft yawns before
/?W?>\ him. He starts down the ladder back to the catwalk.




A98
34
Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

Summary McClane evades terrorists and reaches the roof to make a distress call to alert the authorities about the situation. He also learns that all communication lines have been cut off. Karl shows his intent to kill McClane himself, and machine gun bullets are fired on McClane.
Strengths
  • Suspenseful escape from terrorists
  • Intense gunfire action
  • Emphasizes McClane's determination to help hostages
Weaknesses
  • Dialogue could be more impactful
Critique Overall, this scene is well-written and effectively conveys tension and action. However, there are a few minor issues that could be improved.

Firstly, the dialogue can be a bit clunky at times. For example, the line "Then send them, goddamnit! What the hell 'you people want — a fucking engraved invitation!?" feels a bit stilted and unnatural. Simplifying the language might make it feel more authentic.

Additionally, the scene could benefit from more descriptions of the setting and the characters' physical actions. For instance, when McClane is running for his life and being herded around the building, it's not entirely clear where he is or how he's moving. Including more details like this could help the reader visualize the scene more effectively.

Overall, this is a strong scene that effectively builds tension and advances the plot. With a bit of polish, it could be even stronger.
Suggestions Here are a few suggestions to improve the scene:

1) Use shorter, more concise dialogue to increase the tension and pace of the scene.

2) Use more descriptive language to create a vivid visual image for the audience, such as describing the concrete wall getting shredded by machine gun shells, the sound of the bullets whizzing by McClane's head, and the tension in the air in the dispatch office.

3) Consider adding some physical action or movement to the scene to make it more dynamic, such as McClane dodging bullets or hiding behind cover.

4) Make sure that the dialogue and actions of the characters are consistent with their personalities and motivations, so that the scene feels realistic and believable.

5) Consider adding some emotional depth to the scene, such as showing Powell's fear or nervousness in the 7-11, or showing the impact of the violence on the people in the dispatch office. This can help the audience connect with the characters on a more personal level.



Scene 17 -  McClane's Escape Attempt
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 7
110 EXT. THE ROOF - SAME 110
\ Franco and Fritz reach the pump room door and wait for Karl,
who leads the way into the darkness of the pump room.
111 ELEVATOR SHAFT - ON MCCLANE - SAME 111
on the far stretch of catwalk. He turns the corner, out of
view of the pump room door, moves down the back side of the
catwalk past the small air shaft door, and stops — he's
reached a dead end — the catwalk ends, the elevator is gone.
112 INT. PUMP ROOM - ON KARL - SAME 112
His flashlight beam dances around the interior of the room.
He starts to open the door to the elevator shaft when
suddenly their radio crackles with Hans' voice.
HANS' VOICE
Karl? Franco? Where is he?
FRANCO
In the elevator shaft.
*
HANS' VOICE
The elevators are down here. Lock
him in.
Karl doesn't answer.
HANS' VOICE
(more firmly)
Lock him in. That's an o r —
Karl turns off his radio. In the light of their flashlights,
the two other terrorists look at Karl in stunned disbelief.
He opens the door to the elevator shaft.
113 INT. ELEVATOR SHAFT - ON MCCLANE - SAME 113
He backtracks to the air shaft door, strikes the lighter from
Tony's kit bag and looks in.
114 MCCLANE'S P.O.V. 114
The air shaft. The lighter dimly illuminates four walls
of smooth aluminum disappearing into darkness. Moving the
light in further, he sees something else — the dark outline
of a horizontal air conditioning duct — nine feet down the
side and leading into the guts of the building.
35

115 MCCLANE 115
f* extinguishes his light, looks at the strap on his kit bag.
116 INT. ELEVATOR SHAFT (OPPOSITE SIDE) - SAME 116
Karl steps off the ladder to the catwalk and unslings his
machine gun.
117 CLOSE - BRASS CLIPS 117
from McClane's kit bag. One has been clipped to each end of
his machine gun making a long sling.
118 MCCLANE 118
braces the gun across the outside opening of the air shaft door
and lowers himself into the:
119 AIR SHAFT 119
holding onto the canvas sling with his elbows bent, like doing
a chin-up.
His feet slowly move down the smooth aluminum walls until they
reach the top of the air duct, then dangle in the open space.
He straightens his arms to give him length enough to touch the
/fiflJPv, bottom edge of the duct. Suddenly he feels something give way
above him and looks up.
120 CLOSE ON THE CLIPS 120
Slowly the brass clips start bending under McClane's weight.
121 ON KARL 121
He moves steadily toward the corner.
122 CLOSE - MCCLANE'S TOES 122
now only inches from the bottom edge. McClane's arms are fully
extended now. He hears Karl on the metal catwalk. His muscles
strain and quiver.
123 THE CLIPS 123
They are opening wider until one side bends all the way back —
and snaps.
124 ON MCCLANE 124
falling. He grabs the ledge of the air duct as he falls and
his body slams into the aluminum wall with.a echoing BOOM.
Above him on the catwalk the rifle rattles on the metal outside
the door.
Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

Summary McClane evades terrorists and reaches the roof to make a distress call to alert the authorities about the situation. He also learns that all communication lines have been cut off. Karl shows his intent to kill McClane himself, and machine gun bullets are fired on McClane.
Strengths "The tense action sequences and the well-planned escape attempt."
Weaknesses "Slightly underdeveloped dialogue and character interactions."
Critique Overall, this scene is well-written and effectively conveys tension and action. There are a few areas where clarity could be improved though.

First, it would be helpful to have a clearer description of the layout of the roof and the pump room. This would help the reader understand the characters' movements and the locations they are in.

Second, it's not entirely clear why McClane is exploring the air shaft or what his goal is. Adding a line or two of dialogue or inner thought from him could help clarify this.

Finally, the action at the end of the scene could be described more vividly. For example, describing the sound of McClane's body hitting the aluminum wall in more detail could enhance the impact of the moment.

Overall, this is a well-written and engaging scene.
Suggestions Here are some suggestions to improve this scene from a screenwriting perspective:

- The scene could benefit from more visual descriptions of the environment and the characters' actions. For example, instead of just saying "His flashlight beam dances around the interior of the room," the screenwriter could describe what Karl is actually doing with the flashlight (e.g. scanning the walls and ceiling, looking for any signs of disturbance).
- The dialogue could be tightened up a bit for more clarity and impact. For instance, instead of "The elevators are down here. Lock him in," Hans could say something like "The elevators are down here. Lock him in the shaft."
- It might help to give McClane a more concrete goal in this scene, other than just avoiding Karl. Perhaps he's trying to find a way to rejoin the other hostages or signal for backup.
- The action beats could be more specific and dynamic. Instead of just saying "He falls," the screenwriter could describe how McClane twists and turns as he plummets, or how he frantically scrambles to grab hold of something before he hits the ground.
- Finally, the scene could benefit from more tension and stakes. There should be a sense of danger and urgency throughout, with the characters' lives constantly at risk.



Scene 18 -  Karl Hunts McClane in the Air Duct
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 7
A98 .
36
125 ON KARL 125
{***• Around the corner Karl freezes, unsure of the sound, then starts
slowly for the corner.
126 ON MCCLANE 126
holding onto the ledge by his hands. With every ounce of
strength he tries to pull himself up into the horizontal duct,
clawing for a hold.
127 ON KARL 127
He rounds the corner and sees McClane's rifle lying beneath the
doorway. He moves to the small door, shines his light and aims
his rifle down into the air shaft ready to fire.
128 HIS P.O.V. 128
The shaft is deserted. Moving his light around he sees the air
duck. Without hesitation he turns and backtracks to the pump
room door.
129 INT. AIR CONDITIONING DUCT - ON MCCLANE - SAME 129
He lies exhausted and motionless in the narrow crawl space.
He awkwardly fishes out the lighter from his shirt pocket and
^rx flicks it on.
130 HIS P.O.V. 130
Not for claustrophobics — a long, dark and narrow corridor.
There's no light at the end.
MCCLANE
(dryly)
Whew...for a moment there I
was worried.
He turns out his lighter and starts crawling.
131 INT. PUMP ROOM 131
Karl climbs the ladder to the pump room door where Franco and
Fritz wait.
KARL
Quickly...Follow me.
He moves through the pump room and goes outside.
132 INT. AIR DUCT - SAME 132
McClane crawls to a'junction. To his right he sees a vent twenty
feet away. The light looks' wonderful to him and he moves towards
it.

CUT TO:
A98
37
133 INT. LOWER ROOF - MACHINE FLOOR - SAME 133.
Karl opens the door from the roof Franco and Fritz behind him.
He points to a series of rooms near the elevator shaft and the
three men split up, each going to a separate room. Karl opens
the door to the:
134 MACHINE ROOM 134
and looks up. The ceiling is crisscrossed with air ducts.
He fires a burst into the ducts.
135 INT. AIR DUCT - SAME 135
McClane remains motionless in the air duct. Three quarter-sized
holes inches from his face show how close Karl came to nailing
him. Sweat covers his face, drips silently onto the aluminum.
136 MACHINE ROOM 136
!*
/ Karl listens patiently for sound. Just then the two other
terrorists return.
FRANCO
Nothing.
Karl hesitates a moment, fighting his instincts before finally
/$£\ turning to go. Suddenly the duct McClane is in groans slightly
under his weight. Karl stops and looks up at the matrix of
aluminum duct work, trying to single out the source of the sound,
He steps back into the room and raises his rifle. Holding it
upright he presses the barrel up into the belly of McClane's air
duct, feeling for weight — the weight of a body.
137 INSIDE THE AIR DUCT 137
McClane sees the indention of the barrel pressing into the
aluminum fifteen feet away. There is a pause and another
indention three feet closer. He can hear Karl's footsteps on
the concrete — moving slowly below the duct.
138 ON KARL 138
His eyes are fixed above him on the air duct. He presses the
barrel up again. Still nothing.
139 ON MCCLANE 139
Silently he moves his hand to his breast and slowly draws his
Beretta. The next indention presses up six feet away. McClane
points his gun downward and waits.
/&*• 140 KARL 14 0
stops directly below him. The barrel starts up and just touches
the duct under McClane when Franco returns to the door and calls.
(CONTINUED)
A98
38
Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

Summary McClane evades terrorists and reaches the roof to make a distress call to alert the authorities about the situation. He also learns that all communication lines have been cut off. Karl shows his intent to kill McClane himself, and machine gun bullets are fired on McClane.
Strengths "The tension in the scene is masterfully built up. The back-and-forth between McClane and the terrorists keeps the viewer engaged. The action and suspense are well balanced."
Weaknesses "Some aspects of the scene might be too intense for some viewers. The dialogue could have been improved."
Critique Overall, the scene has strong elements and good tension-building techniques, but there are a few areas that could be improved.

Firstly, it would be helpful to clarify the location and layout of the scene for the reader. It is unclear where McClane and Karl are in relation to each other and the building.

Secondly, the dialogue could use more nuance and character development. For example, McClane's dry quip feels out of place and doesn't add much to the scene.

Lastly, the action could benefit from more sensory details to heighten the tension and build the atmosphere. Descriptions of sound and smell could help to create a more immersive experience for the reader.
Suggestions As a screenwriting expert, some suggestions to improve the scene could include:

- Adding more tension to the scene by increasing the stakes and consequences. For example, McClane could be injured or bleeding from his earlier fight and be struggling to move quickly through the air duct, making it more likely he'll be caught. Or Karl and his team could be getting closer to achieving their goal, making McClane's mission to stop them seem more difficult.

- Developing the characters further so the audience cares more about what happens to them. For instance, McClane could have a moment of reflection or vulnerability as he crawls through the air duct, giving the audience more insight into his mindset and motivations. Karl could have a moment of doubt or hesitation before shooting into the air duct, showing that he's not simply a trigger-happy villain.

- Using visuals and pacing to create a more immersive and engaging scene. For instance, the camera angles and lighting could be adjusted to create a sense of claustrophobia in the air duct, or the action could be slowed down or sped up to heighten suspense. Sound effects and music could also be used to build tension or add emotional weight to the scene.



Scene 19 -  McClane evades and alerts
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 7
  • Dialogue: 7
140 CONTINUED: 140
/fffift\
FRANCO
Karl! Police! Come now.
Karl hesitates then lowers his gun and leaves.
141 CLOSE - MCCLANE 141
He hears the door close and lowers his head.
142 INT. KCBS - CONTROL BOOTH - NIGHT 142
Dick Thornburg and his news editor, SAM, in the control booth
where we're in the countdown to the 11 o'clock news.
THORNBURG
What do you mean you can't cut
1
me a crew?
/ SAM
I mean people want to go home for
christsake...it's Christmas Eve.
THORNBURG
Sam, I heard shots five minutes ago.
We've got to move on it.
SAM
I've got Simon swinging by from the
Santa Sing on Melrose. If it's
anything we'll cut to him...
From behind the news desk pretty-boy anchorman, HARVEY JOHNSON,
looks up at the booth, calls to Sam over his mike.
HARVEY
(panicked)
Sam, I don't have the Gladden report!
SAM
(over the booth mike,
to Harvey)
Keep your pants on Harvey.
(to the A.D.)
What've we got?
ASST. DIRECTOR
Fifteen seconds.
Sam finds the news report in his stack of papers and starts out
of the booth with Thornburg on his heels. We FOLLOW.
(CONTINUED)




A98
39

142 CONTINUED: 142
THORNBURG
(angrily)
I'm not sitting on this for Simon,
I'm going out there! And if you
don't cut me a goddamn truck, I'm
going to the parking lot and steal
one!
Both news anchors, Sam and all the floor personnel look up.
They're in their final seconds. The FLOOR MANAGER worriedly
counts off, "9...8.. .7. .. " Harvey looks angrily at Thornburg.
HARVEY
Give us a break how 'bout it,
Thornburg.
FLOOR MANAGER
...Four, Three —
THORNBURG
Eat a big one, Harve.
FLOOR MANAGER
...One.
He points at Harvey who automatically smiles as the red light
goes on, but it's obvious Thornburg has wrecked his concentration
HARVEY
(beat)
Uhh...Good evening, this is...
Harvey...Johnson.
WOMAN
And I'm Gail Wallens, and this
is Nightline News at Eleven.
The program rolls its intro tape and Harvey shoots Thornburg a
look that could kill. Thornburg smiles at his handiwork.
SAM
(sharply, to Thornburg)
Take Roberts and number four and
get the hell out of here.
143 EXT. CENTURY CITY - AVENUE OF THE STARS - NIGHT 143
The street is empty, quiet. A lone police black-and-white pulls
out of the shadows of a side street and begins a slow cruise
toward the Nakatomi building.
Genres: ["action","thriller"]

Summary McClane escapes terrorists and makes a distress call to alert authorities about the situation. He learns that communication lines have been cut off. Karl shows his intent to kill McClane as machine gun bullets are fired towards him.
Strengths "Tension and suspense are present, and the scene progresses the plot."
Weaknesses "Some characters are underdeveloped, and the dialogue is minimal."
Critique As a screenwriting expert, I would critique this scene as follows:

- The scene lacks clear actions and objectives for the characters. Franco's call for Karl to come is sudden and unexpected, and the audience is left unsure of Franco's motives or goals.
- McClane's reaction to Karl leaving is also unclear, and his lowering of his head is a generic and uninformative action.
- The scene then abruptly shifts to a control booth, where a news team is preparing to go live. While the dialogue between Thornburg and Sam is somewhat entertaining, the scene feels disconnected from the previous one and lacks a clear transition.
- The tension between Harvey and Thornburg also feels forced and unrealistic, and the sudden shift to the news broadcast's intro tape feels jarring and abrupt.
- The inclusion of a police car slowly cruising towards Nakatomi building at the end of the scene feels out of place and does not add any meaningful tension or suspense.

Overall, this scene lacks clear character motivations and objectives, and the abrupt shifts between settings and characters make it feel choppy and disconnected. There is also a lack of tension and suspense, which is important in an action movie.
Suggestions Here are some suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Add more tension to the interaction between Franco and Karl. Maybe show Franco's fear and desperation more clearly, or have Karl hesitate for a longer period of time before lowering his gun.

2. Cut down on the dialogue in the KCBS control booth. While it's important to establish what's happening with the news team, too much dialogue can slow down the pace of the scene. Consider cutting some lines and tightening up the conversation between Thornburg and Sam.

3. Show more of McClane's reaction to Karl leaving. Does he feel relieved, or is he still on edge? Adding a moment of reflection for McClane can help to develop his character and build suspense.

4. Consider adding more visual elements to the street scene outside the Nakatomi building. Rather than just showing the police car cruising slowly, add details to suggest the high stakes of the situation. For example, show police officers with guns drawn, or have a helicopter hovering overhead.

By making these adjustments, the scene can be made more engaging and suspenseful, keeping the audience invested in the story.



Scene 20 -  Terrorists plot to stop distress call
  • Overall: 7.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 7
  • Characters: 6
  • Dialogue: 6
A98
40
144 ON POWELL 144
f* Driving, alone. He stares up at the dark tower. It seems calm.
Lights on the 32nd and 40th floors. Powell slows to a stop and
scans the premises. In the lobby we SEE Heinz, sitting behind
the desk. Powell reports to his radio.
POWELL
Guard inside. No signs of
disturbance'... I' m going up for
a closer look.
He pulls in and parks in the front.
145 INT. MACHINE ROOM - SAME 145
McClane punches out a ceiling vent and drops down into the
machine room. For a moment he stands, listening for sounds
of movement. The floor is quiet. He goes to the stairwell.
146 EXT. ROOF - SAME 146
The edge of the roof. Suddenly a tall terrorist, HEINRICH,
moves along the wall and looks over at Powell's car.
147 INT. 3RD FLOOR - SAME 147
The elevator doors open and Karl, Franco and Fritz step out
onto the darkened floor. We SEE large number "3" painted on
the doors of this floor. They move quickly toward the windows
on the Avenue of the Stars side where a terrorist, ALEXANDER,
with a BAR rifle has set up a machine gun nest. Directly below
him we SEE Powell's car.
148 32ND FLOOR (HANS'OFFICE) - SAME 148
Hans watches from above. He raises his CB.
HANS
(his usual calm)
Heinz ?
149 INT. LOBBY - SAME 149
Heinz picks up his CB. He watches Powell coming up the stairs
toward the door.

HEINZ
(to CB)
Yes?
HANS' VOICE
Let him in.




A98
41
Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

Summary McClane evades terrorists and reaches the roof to make a distress call to alert the authorities about the situation. He also learns that all communication lines have been cut off. Karl shows his intent to kill McClane himself, and machine gun bullets are fired on McClane.
Strengths "Intense action and conflict, high stakes"
Weaknesses "Lack of character development, minimal dialogue"
Critique Overall, this is a well-written scene that effectively builds tension and establishes the location and characters involved. However, there are a few areas that could be improved.

First, the scene could benefit from more detailed description of the setting. The dark tower is mentioned, but it would be helpful to have more visual cues that paint a clear picture of the location. Additionally, the actions and movements of the characters could be described in more detail, which would help create a stronger sense of visual storytelling.

Second, the dialogue could be more nuanced. While the dialogue effectively conveys necessary information, it lacks subtlety and depth. The characters' personalities could also be more fully developed through their dialogue.

Finally, the pacing could be improved. The scene moves quickly between different locations and characters, but it doesn't allow the audience enough time to fully understand the stakes of the situation. Adding a few beats of silence or descriptive action would help establish the importance of the upcoming conflict.
Suggestions Here are some suggestions to improve this scene:

1. Add more tension: The scene lacks tension, especially when Powell reports to his radio. To make it more gripping, consider adding more dialogue between Powell and his radio operator, and have them discuss potential risks and dangers he might face.

2. Add more visual description: The scene is mainly focused on dialogue, but it needs more visual description to help the audience picture what is happening. For example, when McClane drops down into the machine room, describe the size and layout of the room in more detail.

3. Provide more character development: Aside from Hans, the terrorists are not well-developed. Consider giving them more backstory to show their motivations and personalities, and to make them more threatening.

4. Increase the stakes: The scene needs higher stakes to make it more exciting. Consider having one of the terrorists notice Powell and engage in a tense standoff, or have McClane discover a bomb that is about to explode.

5. Add more conflict: The scene lacks conflict between the characters. To add more tension, consider having Powell and McClane clash over their different approaches to the situation, or have Hans and his team realize they have been infiltrated and start to panic.



Scene 21 -  McClane defends himself in the board room
  • Overall: 8.5
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 7
150 EXT. FRONT DOOR OF NAKATOMI - SAME 150
Powell tries the front doors. Locked. Heinz comes hustling
across and unlocks the door.
HEINZ
Something wrong officer?
Powell steps in and looks around.
POWELL
We got an emergency call that
there was a problem here.
151 INT. 40TH FLOOR - BOARD ROOM - SAME 151
McClane makes his way to the Avenue of the Stars side of the
building, enters the board room where Rivers was shot. McClane
goes to the windows and looks down at the street.
i
. / 152 HIS P.O.V. 152
Powell's car.
MCCLANE
It's about time.
1
^N He lifts one of the big chairs and swings it at the window.
, ( The tempered glass whitens on the first blow.
153 EXT. ROOF - SAME 153
HEINRICH, the terrorist on the roof hears a SOUND and looks
down and sees the board room window crack from McClane's blow.
He lifts his CB.
154 INT. LOBBY 154
Heinz watches confidently as Powell moves through the lobby
looking for signs of trouble. Suddenly, Heinz notices a pool
of blood from the shooting of the desk guard next to sign-in
table. He looks up just as Powell starts toward him.
155 BOARD ROOM - 40TH FLOOR 155
McClane draws the chair back for the final hit when a terrorist
(MARCO) appears at the door. Both men react, but Marco already
has his gun up. He fires a round at McClane. The bullets rip
into the table top and the chair, and McClane goes down behind
the table.
156 INT. 39TH FLOOR - SAFE ROOM 156
Theo, now in goggles, uses a huge machine to bore quarter-size
holes into the safe. He turns it off hears the gunshots on the
floor above. He moves into the outside room to listen better,
then looks back at.his kit bags of equipment as if making a
decision.
A98
42
157 INT. 40TH FLOOR - BOARD ROOM 157
Marco smiles and moves around to the other side of the table,
but finds no body. He looks around frantically then squats
beneath the table and sees:
158 MCCLANE 158
lying prone, his pistol trained on him.
MCCLANE
Drop it.
159 BOARD ROOM DOORWAY 159
Just then Heinrich, the terrorist on the roof, steps into,
the doorway. He sees McClane and starts to fire, but McClane
fires twice and kills him. Marco springs on top of the huge
table. McClane rolls on his back so he can cover either angle
! but it is clear that Marco is in the more enviable position.
/
160 ON MARCO 160
on the tabletop slams in a fresh magazine and smiles.
MARCO
You should have killed me when
/«"*, you had the chance...
He leans his machine gun over the edge.
161 MCCLANE 161
aims directly above him and fires twice into the underside of
the table. The bullets rip through the table and Marco.
162 SAFE ROOM - ON THEO 162
On the SOUND OF THE GUNSHOTS, he stops, listens.
163 INT. LOBBY - SAME 163
Powell comes back to Heinz — moving steadily toward the table
and the pool of blood. He pauses next to the table, his shoe
just touching the blood, but he doesn't see it.
HEINZ
What exactly are you looking for?
POWELL
Well, we got a report of a
terrorist takeover.
HEINZ
(grins slowly,
looks around)
Ain't no Arabs in here.

A9g (CONTINUED)
43
Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

Summary McClane fights terrorists in the board room. He also alerts authorities about the situation and learns about the communication lines being down. McClane kills Heinrich and Marco after they threaten his life. Powell and Heinz search the lobby for signs of trouble, while Theo works on breaking into the safe room on the 39th floor.
Strengths
  • Tense action sequence
  • High stakes
  • Strong character moments
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue feels cliched
Critique As a screenwriting AI language model, I don't have personal views or opinions and my analysis is based on natural language processing.

The scene may be a little confusing as there are several different storylines happening at once, which can be difficult for viewers to follow. The action in the boardroom is exciting, but some of the dialogue in the lobby may seem a little forced and unrealistic. It's also not clear what Powell and Heinz are looking for exactly, which leads to confusion. However, the use of different P.O.V.'s is effective in building suspense and tension and the action scenes are well-written and engaging. A possible improvement could be to streamline the dialogues and make sure that the audience can follow what is happening in each storyline.
Suggestions 1. Consider adding some tension or suspense to the scene. Right now, it feels very straightforward and not very exciting. For example, you could have Powell and Heinz come across a locked door they can't get through, or have McClane struggle to break the window.

2. Work on the dialogue to make it more natural and dynamic. Currently, the lines are very basic and don't add much to the scene. Consider adding more personality and unique voices to each character.

3. Add more sensory details to make the setting come alive. What does the lobby look, smell, and sound like? What is the weather like outside? These details can help immerse the audience in the scene.

4. Consider restructuring the scene to make it more visually interesting. For example, you could have Powell and Heinz searching different parts of the building at the same time, cutting back and forth between their perspectives. This can help add variety and keep the audience engaged.

5. Work on the pacing of the scene. Right now, it feels like it drags on for too long without much happening. Consider cutting out any extraneous dialogue or actions to keep the scene moving forward.



Scene 22 -  Powell's Escape
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 7
163 CONTINUED: 163
/*v . POWELL
No, I guess not...Well, I got a
pregnant wife at home wondering
what the hell's keeping her Twinkies...
(a slip, sees Heinz's
puzzled look)
Forget it. Merry Christmas.
HEINZ
Merry Christmas.
Powell starts toward the door. Heinz watches him and sees the
cop's first three steps leave bloody footprints, but Powell
doesn't see.
164 INT. 40TH FLOOR BOARD ROOM - SAME 164
McClane rolls out from under the table, goes to the windows,
and looks down in time to see Powell close his car door.
MCCLANE
Oh, man, don't even think about it.
He looks over his shoulder at the body of Marco.
/*N 165 INT. POWELL'S POLICE CAR - SAME 165
Powell checks-in on his radio.
POWELL
One Adam-nine to 6421. Code
four on that 436. Requesting
code eight. Over.
He releases the talk button and loosens his tie as he waits for
confirmation.
POWELL
(singing softly)
Ohhhh, you better watch out, you
better not cry —
DISPATCHER'S VOICE/RADIO
Roger, One Adam-nine. Clear to
code eight.
Powell hangs up the radio and puts the car into reverse.
POWELL
(to himself)
f« Thank you. Sir...
(CONTINUED)


A98
44
165 CONTINUED: 165
f* POWELL (Cont.)
(singing again louder)
...you better not pout I'm telling
you why...Santa Claus is coming to —
Suddenly Marco's body crashes onto the hood of his car.
POWELL
(terrified)
Shit!
(grabbing for his
radio)
6421, this is One Adam-nine —
Suddenly a barrage of machine gun fire from the 3rd floor drowns
out his call. Powell ducks and flattens against the seat as
bullets blow out the front window, covering him in glass. His
radio comes back, calmly.
DISPATCHER'S VOICE/RADIO
Roger, One Adam-nine, please repeat.
But Powell accelerates in reverse away from the building,
keeping his head low and praying he doesn't hit anything as
the bullets follow him digging into asphalt. A half block away
his car runs up onto the sidewalk and crashes into a store front.
Powell sits up and clutches the mike.
POWELL
One Adam-nine, under automatic rifle
fire at Nakatomi! Requesting
immediate backup and SWAT assistance...
166 INT. 40TH FLOOR - BOARD ROOM 166
McClane looks down at Powell and grins.
MCCLANE
Welcome to the party, boys.
We've been missing you.
167 EXT. KCBS NEWS TRUCK - CENTURY CITY - NIGHT 167
Sirens wail as police cars arrive and barricades go up. The
KCBS news truck pulls up to a prime location.
168 INT. HOSTAGE WING - ON ELLIS - SAME 168
He leans back and closes his eyes, luxuriating in the
sound of WAILING POLICE SIRENS.
ELLIS
I never thought I'd love to
hear that sound.


A98
45
Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

Summary Powell tries to leave Nakatomi plaza but is attacked by terrorists and manages to escape, while McClane watches from the board room.
Strengths "A well-written action sequence that ratchets up the tension with Powell's escape, while McClane watches from the board room. Good pacing and character moments."
Weaknesses "The dialogue is sometimes cheesy, and some of the character decisions feel contrived."
Critique Overall, the scene is well-written and effectively builds tension. However, there are a few areas where it could be improved.

Firstly, the slip-up that Powell makes when he mentions his wife and Twinkies feels a bit forced and out of place. It doesn't really add anything to the scene and comes across as somewhat awkward.

Secondly, there could be a bit more clarity around what exactly is happening during the machine gun fire sequence. It's not entirely clear where the shots are coming from or who is firing them, which detracts from the sense of danger and urgency.

Finally, the dialogue between McClane and Ellis in the last part of the scene feels a bit cheesy and on-the-nose. Their dialogue could benefit from some more subtlety and nuance.

Overall, however, the scene effectively sets up the danger that the characters are in and leaves the audience wanting to know what will happen next.
Suggestions 1. The scene lacks description and visual detail. As a sequel to a previous scene, it is unclear who Powell is or what he was doing before this moment. Adding details about his character and his actions leading up to this moment would provide more context for the audience.

2. The dialogue feels stilted and unnatural, particularly in the exchange between Powell and Heinz. The slip of the tongue with the reference to Twinkies feels forced and doesn't add much to the scene.

3. The transition between the various locations is abrupt and could benefit from smoother transitions or smoother editing to make the scene flow more naturally.

4. The action sequence towards the end of the scene could be expanded upon with more sensory details to create a more immersive experience for the audience.

5. Lastly, the use of ALL CAPS for character actions and dialogue is outdated and distracts from the writing. A more subtle formatting convention like italics or bold text would be more effective.



Scene 23 -  Distress Call
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 10
  • Dialogue: 8
169 HANS' OFFICE 169
f* Stands by the window looking out at the arriving police cars
when suddenly his CB crackles to life.
MCCLANE'S VOICE
(o.s.)
Hey, Hans? Hope you got a good
view of this?
HANS
(to CB)
Congratulations, Mr. Barefoot
man on bringing reinforcements
even if they can't help you.
170 INT. 40TH FLOOR - ON MCCLANE - SAME 170
Moving down the corridor. Now armed with Marco's machine gun
< and carrying his kit bag, he seems more lethal.
MCCLANE
(to Hans, CB)
We'll see about that, buddy.
He turns off his radio and turns a corner when a door in front
of him suddenly swings open and Theo stands unarmed in the
doorway. McClane seems only a hairbreadth from firing but the
sight of the clean-cut man, not unlike a junior executive,
causes him to suddenly lower his gun.
MCCLANE
Jesus...You nearly gave me a
fucking heart attack.
Theo, realizing McClane doesn't suspect him of being one of the
group, suddenly grins.
THEO
(seeing McClane's
badge)
Thank God, you're here...
MCCLANE
Hey, I ain't the cavalry, fella.
C'mon we've got to keep moving.
He pushes Theo ahead of him and they move down the hall.
171 INT. 32ND FLOOR - SAME 171
Karl steps off the elevator and goes through the crowd of hostages
to report to Hans.
(CONTINUED)


A98
46
171 CONTINUED: 171
KARL *
He killed Marco and threw his
body out the window. Heinrich and
Theo don't answer their calls.
Suddenly they hear Powell's voice over the CB.
POWELL'S VOICE
This is Sergeant Al Powell of the
Los Angeles Police Department.
If the person who radioed for
help can hear me, acknowledge this
transmission...1 repeat...
172 INT. 40TH FLOOR - ON MCCLANE - NIGHT 172
and Theo moving down the corridor, they hear the transmission
) also. McClane stops Theo and grabs his CB.
MCCLANE
(to CB)
That's okay, you got him. You
the guy in the car?
INTERCUT:
' 173 EXT. POLICE OPERATIONS TRAILER 173
Powell stands in front of his destroyed cruiser and looks up
at the building. Behind him technicians, City Power and Light
personnel, SWAT officers in protective gear, move in all
directions. A trailer is being backed into a side street,
which will become the police center of operations. It is like
watching a small town being constructed right before your eyes,
POWELL
(to CB)
What's left of him. I left my
stomach over there. Can you
identify yourself?
MCCLANE
Not now. Let me tell you what I
can quickly, because I might have
to get out of here fast. These
guys mean business. Besides the
peashooters they went after you
with they've also got anti-tank
weapons and surface to air missies.
/?P\ POWELL
How many are there?
(CONTINUED)

A98
47
Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

Summary McClane and Theo move through the corridors of Nakatomi plaza, discussing the situation at hand. Karl updates Hans on McClane's actions, and Powell makes a distress call to the person who radioed for help. McClane responds and warns Powell about the terrorists' firepower and numbers.
Strengths "Well-paced action and suspense, effective use of tension-building techniques, interesting dialogue between McClane and Theo, effective use of cross-cutting between different locations to build tension"
Weaknesses "Lack of clarity on some details, such as the number of terrorists and hostages"
Critique As a screenwriting AI language model, I will provide a general critique of the scene.

The scene is well-written in terms of pacing and tension building. The dialogue between Hans and McClane keeps the audience on edge and creates a sense of conflict between the two characters. However, some of the action sequences are unclear and may be difficult for the audience to follow. Additionally, the scene does not provide enough background information for the characters, which makes it difficult for new viewers to understand the motivations of the characters and their relationships with each other. Overall, the scene could benefit from more clarity and character development.
Suggestions Here are some suggestions to make this scene more effective:

1. Add some tension: The scene lacks tension, even though it takes place during a hostage situation. The dialogue needs to be more urgent and focused on the danger at hand. Some suggestions include: having McClane and Theo move faster down the corridor or hearing gunshots in the distance.

2. Make the characters more distinct: The dialogue between Hans and McClane feels generic and could benefit from more specific dialogue that reveals the characters' personalities. Hans could be more smug or threatening, while McClane could be more sarcastic or determined.

3. Use more visual description: The scene is heavy on dialogue, but some more visual description could help the reader imagine the action more vividly. For example, describing the police cars arriving at the building or the destruction of Powell's cruiser.

4. Cut unnecessary details: Some of the dialogue feels repetitive or unnecessary, such as the back-and-forth between McClane and Powell about identifying himself. Streamlining the dialogue and focusing on the essentials will make the scene more impactful.

5. Consider pacing: Where does this scene fit within the overall narrative? Is it building towards a climax or a turning point? Consider how this scene connects to the scenes before and after it, and how it furthers the story.



Scene 24 -  Communications Cut
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 7
173 CONTINUED: 173
f* MCCLANE
Don't know but I've killed three,
including the one who fell out
of Santa's sleigh.
POWELL
(dryly)
Yeah, let's not forget him.
MCCLANE
The leader goes by the name, Hans.
He's locked down the elevators.
Also, I haven't found one of them
yet who didn't carry a radio so you
can bet they're monitoring this
call. Channel twenty-six seems to
be their inter-office number but
they move it around and it's in
German, so get someone who speaks
it to give you a play by play.
POWELL
Sounds like you know this
bunch pretty well.
fm*. MCCLANE
' We've gotten pretty intimate
waiting on you guys to get here.
POWELL
I hear you...Well, we're here
now, partner...What do I call you?
MCCLANE
'Partner' suits me fine.
POWELL
You got it. Now, listen to me,
if you think of anything else you
let me know. In the meantime I want
you to find a safe place and hole-up
and let us do our job. Understand?
MCCLANE
(to CB)
They're all yours, Al. Good luck.
McClane turns off his CB and sits against the wall. Theo
slumps against the wall opposite McClane, beneath a roster of
offices and names for the floor.
THEO
Why wouldn't you tell them your
name?
(CONTINUED)
A98
48

173 CONTINUED: (2) 173

f*^ McClane pulls out a candy bar from the kit bag and offers Theo
one. Theo shakes his head and McClane unwraps it.

MCCLANE
Just something I don't want
broadcast everywhere.

THEO
You got a friend or something
downstairs?

MCCLANE
(beat)
You're a smart guy.

Theo grins, and ties his shoe.

MCCLANE
It's McClane...John McClane.

Theo extends a hand across the corridor.

THEO
(shaking hands
with McClane)
>», Bill Clay.

MCCLANE
This usual for you to be working
on Christmas Eve?

THEO
Getting ready to go to Mexico
next week. Trying to finish up
some work.

McClane pulls out another candy bar and offers it to Theo.
This time the terrorist takes it. McClane looks around the
darkened hallways. He clearly doesn't like it. Casually
McClane's glance goes over Theo's head.

174 HIS P.O.V. 174

The roster of names of employees.

175 CLOSER 175

We MOVE DOWN the row of names beginning with C on the roster —
passing CAMPBELL, S.; CLAY, Wm.; CRAWFORD, L. and suddenly we're
in the D's.
yffS*\

176 ON MCCLANE 176

His glance drops subtly from the roster and he takes another
bite of his candy bar.

A98 (CONTINUED)
49
Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

Summary McClane and Powell communicate over the radio as McClane provides information about the terrorists, including their leader Hans and their monitoring of communication channels, while also warning Powell about their power. McClane shares his name with one terrorist, who goes by Bill Clay. McClane is uneasy in the dark corridors of Nakatomi Plaza.
Strengths "The dialogue between McClane and Powell is engaging and reveals important information about the terrorists' plan. The introduction of the character Bill Clay creates tension and adds to the suspense of the scene."
Weaknesses "The scene does not contain action or suspense."
Critique Overall, this scene seems well-written with a good use of dialogue to convey information and develop character. The dynamic between McClane and Powell is engaging and believable, and the introduction of Theo adds a layer of tension and suspicion.

One potential critique is that the scene could benefit from more action or visual elements to break up the dialogue and keep the pace moving. As it is, it is mostly two characters talking in a hallway. Also, the use of asterisks to indicate character reactions and actions is unconventional and could be distracting to readers.

Overall, though, this is a solid scene that effectively progresses the plot and develops the characters.
Suggestions Here are some suggestions to improve this scene:

1. Add more tension: The scene lacks tension. To make it more engrossing, you can escalate the danger by having gunshots ringing outside the door or making McClane suspicious of Theo.

2. Use the space: The scene takes place in a single hallway, which can make it dull for the audience. You can have them move around in the space, investigating new rooms or looking for ways to escape.

3. Develop the character of Theo: Theo, the terrorist, needs more development. Is he remorseful? Is he arrogant? Does he have a motive? Fleshing out his character more would make the scene more interesting.

4. Make the conversation more natural: The dialogue in the scene is quite stilted. To make it more natural, use contractions and pauses to convey the emotions of the characters.

5. Add nuance to the characters: Both McClane and Theo are quite one-dimensional. Make them more complex by adding layers to their personalities. For example, McClane could be struggling with personal issues, and Theo could be more than just a heartless terrorist.



Scene 25 -  McClane Teaches Theo to Shoot
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 7
  • Dialogue: 8
176 CONTINUED: 176
MCCLANE
You know how to use a handgun,
Bill?
THEO
No.
McClane pulls out his Beretta pops out the magazine, jams in a
fresh one, and hands it to him.
MCCLANE
Time to learn.
177 EXT. POLICE OPERATIONS - WILSHIRE - SAME 177
An unmarked police car pulls up across the street from Nakatomi
building and a MAN in a sportcoat climbs out. Stocky, his
hair a little too perfect, the very fact that he is the
i Deputy Chief of Police Operations on a Christmas Eve gives some
evidence to his position in the pecking order. His name is
DWAYNE T. ROBINSON and he moves brusquely past police technicians
into:
178 THE MOBILE POLICE UNIT 178
and goes to a uniformed officer.
ROBINSON
Who's talking to them?
Powell turns around.
POWELL
I am, Sir...Sergeant Al Powell.
ROBINSON
Dwayne Robinson. What's the story,
Sergeant?
POWELL
We've got a lone man in there who
says terrorists took over the
building and have killed at least
one of their hostages. He claims
to have killed three of them.
ROBINSON
How're we talking to them?
POWELL
(
**"
• CB, they've cut phone lines inside.
Powell hands him a headset.
(CONTINUED)

A98
50

178 CONTINUED: 178
f* ROBINSON
(slipping on the
headset)
What about the terrorists? Have
you talked to them?
POWELL
They don't answer us.
ROBINSON
(sarcastically)
Great...
We CAN SEE Robinson already hates the complications. Here's a
man more adept at handling two punks in an empty Safeway. He
is clearly not ready to deal with a situation where the
terrorists won't talk. Just then, two plainclothes MEN enter
J the trailer and show their I.D. to the guard. Their presence
f further upsets Robinson.
179 INT. STAIRWELL - SAME 179
McClane and Theo come down the stairwell from the 40th floor.
McClane tries the door to the 39th floor — the handle moves in
his hand. McClane looks up and re-checks the floor number by
/**** the door frame, then opens the door. Both men move out onto:
180 THE 39TH FLOOR 180
and down a corridor. As they move McClane notices something
along the floor jam.
181 HIS P.O.V. 181
A plastic explosive charge.
182 MCCLANE 182
moves carefully past it and another, drawn toward a lighted
office at the end of the hallway.
183 INT. OFFICE 183
McClane moves into the office, which we RECOGNIZE as the anteroom
to the safe room. The door connecting the safe room has been
closed, hiding the safe and drill press. Theo's three bags,
however sit on the table and McClane goes straight for them.
Theo steps into the room behind him. He spies something else
on the table.
f* 184 HIS P.O.V. 184
the Walther.


A98
51
185 THEO 185
Looks up and watches McClane open the first bag containing the
plastic explosives.
THEO
What...what is it?
MCCLANE
Plastic explosives. Like those
in the hall.
THEO
(suddenly)
They were going to blow the
building.
MCCLANE
(dryly)
That's sharp thinking, Bill.
He places a couple of packets next to the Walther and hurriedly
opens the second bag.
186 INSERT 186
The contents: Detonators.
/s^N
Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

Summary McClane and Theo move through the corridors of Nakatomi plaza, discussing the situation at hand. McClane gives Theo a lesson on how to use a handgun as they search for the terrorists. Meanwhile, outside the building, Deputy Chief Robinson arrives and talks with Powell about the situation.
Strengths "The scene effectively builds tension as McClane and Theo search the building and discuss the terrorists' plans. It also sets up the arrival of Deputy Chief Robinson and shows the inner workings of the police's attempts to handle the situation."
Weaknesses "The scene feels like a placeholder before the more action-packed scenes to come. There is also not much in terms of character development."
Critique Overall, the scene is well-constructed and effectively conveys the tense situation of the hostage situation. However, there are a couple of areas where the dialogue could be improved for greater realism and character development.

Firstly, the dialogue between McClane and Theo regarding the handgun feels a bit contrived and cliche. It would be more believable and interesting if they had a more natural conversation about their respective backgrounds and experiences.

Additionally, the interaction between Robinson and Powell is a bit too on-the-nose in terms of establishing their personalities and positions. It would be more effective if their characters were revealed more subtly over the course of the film, rather than in this one brief exchange.

Overall, the scene effectively advances the plot and creates tension, but could benefit from some more nuanced and realistic dialogue.
Suggestions Here are some suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Show, don't tell: It would be more effective to show McClane teaching Theo how to use a handgun, rather than having him just hand over the gun and say "Time to learn." This would make the scene feel more immersive and dynamic.

2. Add tension: There isn't much tension in this scene, despite the fact that they are discovering plastic explosives and detonators. Consider adding suspenseful music or having them hear noises in the distance to create a sense of unease.

3. Improve dialogue: Some of the dialogue in this scene feels a bit flat and uninteresting. Try adding more personality or humor to the characters' lines to make them more engaging.

4. Use visual cues: Instead of just telling us that Robinson is frustrated, show us through his body language and facial expressions. This will help make the character feel more real and relatable to the audience.

5. Ramp up the stakes: While discovering the explosives and detonators is certainly significant, it would be more impactful if they discovered them earlier in the film, or if there were more immediate consequences to their discovery. Consider adding a ticking clock element to make the scene more urgent.



Scene 26 -  Leverage
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 7
  • Dialogue: 8
187 MCCLANE 187
throws the second bag over his shoulder. Theo watches him.
THEO
Why are we taking them?
MCCLANE
Leverage. C'mon let's get out of
here.

He starts for the door. Theo watches him for a moment then
brings up the Beretta aiming it right at McClane's face and
cocks it.

THEO
Put them down and drop your
machine gun on the floor.

McClane just looks at him.

MCCLANE
^ Why wire the top floors, Bill?
(CONTINUED)



A98
52

187 CONTINUED: 187

' THEO
Don't worry about it. Drop
your gun.

Instead, McClane slowly raises his machine gun and aims it
at Theo. Theo pulls the trigger — the gun clicks empty.
Theo's eyes go to the Walther on the table. McClane follows
his glance.

MCCLANE
Don't try it.

Theo looks back challengingly, McClane recognizes the look.

MCCLANE
And don't tell me I won't do it.

But Theo breaks for the pistol and McClane levels him with a
burst from the machine gun. For a moment he just looks at the
dead terrorist, then retrieves his Browning and exchanges
magazines.

(** 188 INT. 39TH FLOOR - OFFICE 188
Dark. A light comes on and McClane quickly moves to the desk.
He takes out a handful of detonators and puts them in his
other kit bag, then puts the main bag of detonators in the
trash can under the desk covering it with the trash, and
sliding it back under the desk again.

189 INT. POLICE TRAILER - SAME 189

Robinson and Powell when McClane calls them on the CB.

MCCLANE'S VOICE/RADIO
Hey, Al...are you there?

POWELL
Yeah, partner, what's up?

INTERCUT:

190 MCCLANE 190

T He sits on the floor below a bank of windows.
(CONTINUED)


A98
53
190 CONTINUED: 190

MCCLANE
There * s a new development.
They've got high explosives
up here. Plastics.
POWELL
Hey, man, I work a desk. You're
going to have to spell these
things out for me.

MCCLANE
Think of it like this then,
they've got enough stuff up
here to turn this place into
Century Canyon...
| 191 ON ROBINSON 191
/
Listening with everyone else.

ROBINSON
(to himself)
Great.

192 ON MCCLANE 192
MCCLANE
...On the other hand I've got
the detonators.
INTERCUT:

193 POWELL 193
In the police trailer.

POWELL
Listen, partner...throw them out.
The first thing we need to do
is reduce the chance of disaster.
MCCLANE
I have...until they catch me.
Also, chalk up another one dead.
POWELL
Jesus...
HANS' VOICE/RADIO .
(o.s.; cutting in)
Mr. Barefoot man? Can you hear me?


A98
54
194 ROBINSON 194
stJM.!\ looks at a technician.
ROBINSON
(to technician)
You got that recorder hooked
up? I want it running.
195 INT. HANS' OFFICE - SAME 195
Hans talking on CB to McClane. Karl stands to the side.
MCLANE/RADIO
(o.s.)
Yeah, I hear you. t
Genres: ["Action"]

Summary McClane and Theo have a standoff in which McClane emerges victorious, and later McClane talks with Powell and updates him on the terrorists' weapons and their radio monitoring. McClane also shares the name Bill Clay with a terrorist. McClane hide explosives on the 39th floor, and lets Powell know about them. Hans talks to McClane over the radio.
Strengths
  • Tension building through standoff between McClane and Theo
  • McClane's quick-thinking and resourcefulness in hiding explosives on the 39th floor and providing information to Powell
Weaknesses
  • No significant development in character arcs
  • Dialogue is largely focused on exchanging information rather than character-building
Critique This scene is well-written and effective in building tension and suspense. The dialogue between McClane and Theo is well-constructed, and the exchange of threats and actions builds towards the climax of the scene. The action itself, as McClane shoots Theo, is clear and well-described. The scene also effectively sets up the conflict between McClane and the terrorists, as well as hinting at the larger threat of explosives in the building.

However, one possible critique is that it is unclear how McClane knows about the explosives in the building. It is also unclear why McClane chooses to hide the detonators in the trash can under the desk rather than taking them with him. These points may be clarified in previous or subsequent scenes, but it would be helpful to have more context within this scene. Additionally, the formatting and punctuation of the scene could be improved for clarity and ease of reading.
Suggestions Here are some suggestions on how to improve this scene:

1. Create more tension: There is an opportunity to create more tension in the scene, especially when Theo pulls out his gun. Instead of just looking at each other, there could be some dialogue exchanged. McClane could ask why Theo is doing this, and Theo could reveal more information about their plan, making the situation even more precarious.

2. Develop the characters: We don't know much about Theo, the terrorist who confronts McClane in this scene. Adding some backstory or more information about him would make his character more interesting and could add more depth to the scene.

3. Improve dialogue: The dialogue in this scene feels a bit generic and could benefit from some personalization. Giving McClane and Theo more specific dialogue that matches their personalities would make the scene more engaging and memorable.

4. Fix formatting and grammar errors: There are some formatting and grammar errors in the script, such as missing periods and inconsistent capitalization. Fixing these errors would make the script look more professional and improve the reading experience for producers and directors.



Scene 27 -  McClane's Standoff with Theo
  • Overall: 6.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 6
  • Characters: 6
  • Dialogue: 6
HANS
I'm calling to offer you a truce.
i i Put the detonators on an elevator
/ and retreat to a safe place and
1
we won't bother you anymore. I
i give you my word.
i
196 MCCLANE 196
MCCLANE
i Let's see, is that the same word
f^ you gave Rivers before you shot him?
HANS' VOICE
(O.S.)
Believe me when I tell you
that there are those among us
who would like nothing more than
to hunt you down and kill you.
MCCLANE
Who...you mean, Karl? Hey,
Karl, come on up and I'll tell
you just how it felt to break
his brother's neck.
He hears Karl let out a yell and Hans' radio goes dead.
McClane lets out a breath and leans back. The tough guy
act is difficult. He waits and his radio comes back with
Hans.
HANS' VOICE/RADIO
(o.s.)
It's more than idle curiosity
how you know some of our names.
I feel at a slight disadvantage
not knowing, yours.
(CONTINUED)

A98
55
Genres: []

Summary McClane and Theo have a tense standoff in the dark corridors of Nakatomi Plaza, which ends with McClane emerging victorious. McClane updates Powell on the terrorists' weapons and tactics, including their monitoring of communication channels. He also shares the name of one of the terrorists, Bill Clay. Hans calls McClane over the radio and offers a truce, but McClane is skeptical.
Strengths
  • Tense standoff between McClane and Theo
  • McClane's updates on the terrorists help to advance the plot
  • Hans' offer of a truce adds another layer of conflict to the scene
Weaknesses
  • Dialogue is a bit on-the-nose at times
  • Not a lot of character development in this scene
Critique Overall, this scene is well-written and engaging. The dialogue moves the plot forward and keeps the reader interested.

One potential area for improvement is the use of action and description. There is some action description, such as McClane leaning back and the tough guy act being difficult, but more detail could be added to give the reader a clearer picture of the scene. This would enhance the tension and make the scene more cinematic.

Additionally, it may be helpful to explore the characters' motivations a bit more. Why is Hans offering a truce? Why is McClane taunting him? Without this context, the dialogue can feel a bit flat.

Another small point to note is the use of all caps for some of the dialogue. This can be distracting and may be better conveyed through italicization or underlining.

Overall, this is a solid scene that could be improved with more vivid action description and deeper character exploration.
Suggestions 1. Think about the pacing of the scene. It feels a bit slow and could benefit from some cutting or tightening to increase the tension and keep the audience engaged.

2. The dialogue could be more clear and concise. Consider cutting out any unnecessary words or phrases to make it more streamlined.

3. The conflict between Hans and McClane could be further developed. Consider adding more backstory to give their disagreement some more weight and make the stakes of the scene feel more significant.

4. Consider adding more visual elements to the scene. Currently, a lot of the action is taking place over the radio, but adding some more physical action or visual elements could help to heighten the tension and make the scene more visually interesting.



Scene 28 -  McClane has a standoff with Theo and talks to Hans on the radio
  • Overall: 8.5
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 8
196 CONTINUED: 196
(*** MCCLANE
You'll get over it.
HANS' VOICE/RADIO
(o.s.)
You have a very cavalier attitude
for someone who probably has a
loved one on this very floor.
MCCLANE
You got the wrong guy, fella.
I was just up here fixing the
cigarette machines when you
came barging in.
INTERCUT:
197 HANS 197
HANS
A vending machine repairman who
breaks people's necks?
MCCLANE
It's a tough business.
f^ HANS
And it will get tougher. I
promise.
MCCLANE
Well, it's a big building, Hans.
Lotsa luck, fella.
198 POLICE TRAILER - SAME 198
Robinson turns quickly to his radio operator.
ROBINSON
Quick, patch me in there.
(to Hans)
Hans? Is that your name? This
is Captain Dwayne Robinson. LAPD.
Is anyone hurt in there or need
medical help?
INTERCUT:
199 HANS 199
HANS
/*N Everyone is fine, Mr. Robinson.
ROBINSON
What do you want? Let's talk.
(CONTINUED)
A98
56
199 CONTINUED: 199
HANS
f* (chuckles)
You are eager, aren't you?
Please sit back and relax, we
will contact you when we are
ready.
Hans turns off his radio.
200 POLICE TRAILER - ON ROBINSON 200
ROBINSON
Wait, wait...
(realizing he's
been cut off)
Shit...
The two well-dressed men chuckle at. Robinson's frustration.
The big man lights a cigarette for the smaller one.
Robinson turns on them angrily.
ROBINSON
Who are you guys with?
They each pull out their I.D. and flash it at him.
/ffi^TS LITTLE JOHNSON
Special Agents Johnson and
Johnson, FBI.
BIG JOHNSON
Sounds like you're in for
a fun Christmas Eve, Chief.
ROBINSON
You want to crack jokes, go
up to Sunset. This isn't
your operation anyway.
BIG JOHNSON
Hey, we're just here to observe
or if you want to bounce ideas
off of us or...
LITTLE JOHNSON
(more seriously)
...Or, if it should suddenly
become our operation.
He lets the implication of a possible changeover hang for
a moment. It isn't lost on Robinson.
(^ ROBINSON
Just stay the hell out of my way.
(turning back)
Johnson and Johnson...Jesus?...
(CONTINUED)
A98
57
Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

Summary McClane and Theo move through the corridors as McClane teaches Theo how to use a handgun. Deputy Chief Robinson arrives outside and talks with Powell about the situation. McClane and Theo have a tense standoff that ends with McClane emerging victorious. Later McClane talks with Powell and updates him on the terrorists' weapons and tactics, including their monitoring of communication channels. He also shares the name of one of the terrorists, Bill Clay. Hans calls McClane over the radio and offers a truce, but McClane is skeptical.
Strengths
  • Tense standoff between McClane and Theo
  • McClane shows his expertise with a handgun and shares knowledge with Powell
  • Hans offers a truce which creates suspense
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue feels contrived and clichéd
Critique
Suggestions Here are some suggestions to improve this scene:

1. Add more tension: At this point in the movie, the audience knows that McClane is in trouble, so it is important to ramp up the tension in this scene. Perhaps there could be more back-and-forth between McClane and Hans over the radio, with Hans making veiled threats and McClane trying to keep him talking to buy time.

2. Develop the FBI agents: The introduction of the FBI agents is a significant plot point, but it feels a bit rushed and underdeveloped in this scene. Try to give the agents more personality and backstory so that the audience cares more about what happens to them.

3. Foreshadow future events: This scene could be used to foreshadow what will happen later in the movie. For example, Johnson and Johnson could mention that they have experience dealing with terrorists, or they could speculate about what kind of weapons the terrorists might have. This would help to build anticipation for the climax of the movie.



Scene 29 -  McClane and Theo's Standoff
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 8
200 CONTINUED: 200
Big Johnson grins and stops a uniformed cop going out the
door of the trailer.
BIG JOHNSON
Where's the coffee around here?
201 INT. HOSTAGE FLOOR - NIGHT 201
Hans and Karl. Karl preps his weapon with a hunter's
obsession for detail.
HANS
Find him and the detonators....
Karl leaves and Hans watches from the doorway. Suddenly
he notices Holly staring at him from her place on the floor.
She holds his look boldly.
HOLLY
/ Why don't you want to talk to them?
HANS
The police? Why should I?
HOLLY
You want to get away, don't you?
/^if\
You can negotiate that.
HANS
I have many worries...but
'getting away' is not one of
them.
HOLLY •
But if you don't talk to them...
sooner or later they'll attack.
Hans stares at Holly, this makes Ellis even more uncomfortable
and he tries to quiet her. But she holds Hans' look.
HANS
(to Holly, beat)
You seem to know a good deal
about what the police might do.
HOLLY
(flatly)
Common sense.
HANS
Do you have children?
Genres: ["action","thriller"]

Summary McClane and Theo move through the corridors of Nakatomi plaza, discussing the situation at hand. McClane gives Theo a lesson on how to use a handgun as they search for the terrorists. Meanwhile, outside the building, Deputy Chief Robinson arrives and talks with Powell about the situation.
Strengths
  • Intense standoff scene between McClane and Theo
  • Update on the terrorists' weapons and tactics
Weaknesses
  • Dialogue could be more engaging
  • Concept not particularly unique
Critique As a screenwriting AI language model, I do not have personal opinions and feelings, but I can provide an objective analysis of the scene provided.

The scene is well-written and effectively establishes the tension between Hans and Holly. Hans is a formidable villain who doesn't seem interested in negotiating with the police, while Holly is a strategic thinker who understands the potential consequences of not communicating with them.

However, one critique could be that the scene lacks action or physicality. It is mostly a dialogue-driven scene, which could make it feel slow-paced or static. Adding some physical action or movement could add visual interest and momentum to the scene.

Additionally, the scene could benefit from more detailed description of the characters' body language and facial expressions. This would help convey their emotions and thoughts more vividly to the reader and give the actors more specific direction and nuance in their performances.

Overall, the scene effectively establishes the tension between Hans and Holly and sets up a potential conflict that could drive the rest of the plot. With some minor adjustments, it could become a compelling and dynamic scene in the finished film.
Suggestions As a language model AI, I may not have an experience as a screenwriting expert. But, based on what I learned and analyzed from some screenwriting guides and tips, here are some suggestions to improve the scene:

- Clarify the location of "the trailer." Is it inside the building or outside? Is it nearby or far from the hostage floor? Adding some description could help with the spatial orientation of the audience.
- Add some action or detail to the coffee request. Does Big Johnson get the coffee, or does the cop ignore him? Does the cop respond in a friendly or hostile way? How does this exchange build character or tension? It's possible to use this moment to reveal something about Big Johnson or the police that will pay off later in the story.
- Explore more the interaction between Holly and Hans. Right now, it feels a bit static and expository.

- What is the subtext of their conversation? What does Holly want from Hans, and what does he want from her?
- What creates the tension or conflict? Is it just their different goals, or is there something else at play?
- How do they use language or body language to manipulate or resist each other?
- How does Ellis react to Holly's boldness? Does she support her or try to shut her up?

- Consider using more visual elements to break up the dialogue. For example, what is Karl doing while Hans talks to Holly? Could we see how he prepares his weapon with the "hunter's obsession for detail"? Are there any other hostages nearby who could react to the conversation in some way? Does the camera move around the room, focusing on different details or faces? Adding some dynamic visuals and sounds could make the scene more cinematic and engaging.

- Finally, think about the overall purpose and stakes of the scene. What does this conversation reveal about Hans, Holly, or the situation? Does it move the plot forward or deepen our understanding of the characters? Does it create tension or suspense that will pay off later? Every scene should have a clear objective and a reason to exist. By focusing on that, you can make sure that every line of dialogue and every shot serves the story and keeps the audience hooked.



Scene 30 -  Scene 30: McClane vs. Theo
  • Overall: 7.0
  • Concept: 6
  • Plot: 6
  • Characters: 7
  • Dialogue: 7
/^vX Holly doens't answer, but Hans knows by her reaction, the
answer is "yes"
(CONTINUED)
A98
58
201 CONTINUED: 201
-* HANS
( Then you know you want them to
respect what you say, when you
say it. But sometimes, no matter
how many times you tell them something
is dangerous — like a hot burner
on a stove — it is not until they
touch it, that they understand it
is truly dangerous...Folice are
like children...words are often
not enough.
He turns and goes back into:
202 HOLLY'S OFFICE 202
He closes the door. Going to the desk he shifts through
the I.D.'s and finds Holly's.
^203 INSERT - HOLLY'S I.D. 203
It shows Holly's picture and the name: GENNARO.
204 CLOSE ON A TELEVISION SCREEN - NIGHT 204
We SEE a news report interrupts the regular scheduled
f* program. Dick Thornburg talks to the camera. As he
talks We PULL BACK TO SEE William in the backseat of the
limo. He reacts excitedly to the report.
WILLIAM
Terrorist, oh, man...Where is
this?
205 ON SCREEN 205
the CAMERA PULLS BACK and we SEE the Nakatomi Building
rise up in the b.g. behind Thornburg.
206 CLOSE - WILLIAM 206
as he recognizes the place on TV.
WILLIAM
(stunned)
Holy shit...
207 CLOSE - TELEVISION 207
The CAMERA PANS to Police Trailer and we SEE the massive
build-up of police personnel and equipment.
THORNBURG
As you can see, the police have
brought up their armored car unit
(CONTINUED)
A98
59
207 CONTINUED: 207
THORNBURG (Cont.)
and dispatched SWAT personnel
around the building though they
are adamantly denying that any
sort of assault is in the works...
WILLIAM
(more stunned)
Holy shit...
He grabs the car phone and madly punches 911.
WILLIAM
(to himself)
911...
(he misdials)
Fuck!
(more carefully)
9-1-1...
He gets it right and leans back, still panicked as someone
answers.
WILLIAM
(to phone)
Police?!...Well, I need 'em!
Your damn straight this is an
emergency! You know that building
in Century City that's full of
terrorists?...Yeah, that's the
one...Well, I'm sitting right
this very second un —
The word freezes in his mouth as something suddenly dawns
on him. William cancels his call.
WILLIAM
(to himself)
Shit, William, you fool...If the
police could save your sorry ass
don't you think they'd be down here
doin' it?!
He looks back at the TV.
THORNBURG
Since telephone lines in the
building have been cut all
communications have been by
CB radios which the terriorists
took into the building with them.
j0!GiZ\
Genres: []

Summary McClane and Theo move through the corridors of Nakatomi Plaza, discussing the situation at hand. McClane gives Theo a lesson on how to use a handgun as they search for the terrorists. Meanwhile, outside the building, Deputy Chief Robinson arrives and talks with Powell about the situation.
Strengths
  • Intense tension between McClane and Theo
  • McClane's expertise is highlighted through his teaching of Theo
  • Establishes the presence of the police outside, adding to the tension
Weaknesses
  • Limited emotional impact
  • No significant progression of the plot
Critique There are a few issues with this scene that could be improved upon. First, the dialogue feels a bit on-the-nose and unoriginal. The comparison between police and children being told not to touch a hot stove is a bit cliché and predictable. Additionally, the dialogue between William and the 911 operator feels unrealistic and forced.

Another issue with this scene is the lack of visual descriptions. While there are a few inserts and close-ups, there are many moments where it may be helpful to have more detailed descriptions of the characters' actions and reactions. For example, when William realizes the building on TV is the one he is currently in, there is potential for a more dramatic and suspenseful moment if his reaction and realization was described in more detail.

Overall, the scene could benefit from more original dialogue and more detailed visual descriptions to enhance the tension and suspense of the story.
Suggestions Here are a few suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Consider breaking up the dialogue into smaller chunks. The speech by Hans is quite long and could be hard to follow for the audience. Instead, try to break it up into smaller sentences or have Holly interject with questions or reactions.

2. Show more of Holly's reaction to Hans' words. The script currently states that Hans knows by her reaction that the answer is "yes," but the audience is not privy to what that reaction is. Showing Holly's facial expressions or body language can help the audience connect with her character.

3. Clarify the location and time of day. The script mentions a television screen and a news report, but it's not clear where these are happening. Adding in a location (e.g. newsroom, living room) and specifying if it's daytime or nighttime can help ground the scene for the audience.

4. Consider adding in more physical action. The scene is mostly characters watching a news report and making phone calls, which can be visually boring. Adding in some movement or action can make the scene more dynamic and engaging for the audience. For example, William could be pacing back and forth or slamming his fist on the car door in frustration.

5. Think about the pacing of the scene in the context of the larger story. As scene 30 out of 60, this is likely in the middle of the second act. Make sure the scene is moving the story forward and building tension towards the climax of the film. If the scene feels static or disconnected from the larger story, consider revising or cutting it.



Scene 31 -  Preparing for the Worst
  • Overall: 8.5
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 7
208 INT. 37TH FLOOR 208
A stairwell door opens and McClane carefully moves out onto
the 37th floor. Seeing that it is deserted he begins
overturning desks, making a small fortress.
A98
60
209 LIMO - CLOSE ON TRUNK - NIGHT 209
The trunk to the big limo opens and William's hand reaches
under a tool kit TO REVEAL a portable CB unit.
210 INT. LIMO - BACKSEAT - NIGHT 210
William plugs the CB power cord into the rear cigarette
lighter and turns it on. The STATIC HISSES as he goes
through the channels. Suddenly he stops and WE HEAR KARL'S
VOICE over the CB.
KARL'S VOICE
(o.s., on CB)
Heinrich is dead...
211 INT. 39TH FLOOR - ANTEROOM TO SAFE ROOM - SAME 211
Karl stands over the body of Theo.
KARL
(to CB)
Theo and Heinrich are dead.
We're going down.
212 INT. 37TH FLOOR - NIGHT 212
McClane at STAIRWELL DOOR. He lays a plastic chair
protector sheet in front of the stairwell door. Then
he leans an axe against the door — a very primitive
early warning device.
TIME CUT TO:
213 INT. 37TH FLOOR - NIGHT . 213
McClane fastens a small pad of plastic explosives to the
light switch by the doorway; then presses a half dozen
detonators into the material. He's not sure how many
he'll need and adds another for good measure and puts the
rest in his pocket.
214 INT. 38TH FLOOR - SAME 214
Fritz and Franco move onto the 38th floor and spread out.
The operation looks like an African hunt with beaters moving
out in front — rattling chairs, knocking over phones, lamps
etc. — moving toward Karl, who waits at the other end of
the room by the stairwell door.
When they reach him he opens the stairwell door and
silently waves them down the stairs. He looks over the
floor one last time, then he notices a flickering fluorescent
light above him in the stairwell. His glance goes to another
fluorescent fixture.
KARL
(to the terrorist
below him)
Stop.
A98
61
215 INT. POLICE TRAILER - SAME 215
A new group of men enter the trailer — the SWAT team
personnel. One in particular CAPTAIN MITCHELL eyes a pretty
policewoman on the way in.
Following Mitchell is a small man with pencils in his shirt
pocket and a hard hat, GEORGE HENRY', City Engineer's office.-
The last man enters in a tuxedo, pulled away from a party.
His name is RALPH BAILEY, late thirties; mayor's office
liasion. Johnson and Johnson view the assembly with detached
amusement. Robinson does the introductions quickly.
ROBINSON
George Henry, City Engineer's
office, this is Captain Mitchell...
Special Agents Johnson and Johnson.
The engineer nods to the men. Mitchell eyes the Feds, wary
of his competition.
ROBINSON
(pointing to Bailey)
And this is Ralph Bailey, mayor's
office.
Bailey takes an offered cup of coffee. He looks like he
needs it. Henry unrolls building plans while Robinson talks.
ROBINSON
' To bring everyone up to date,
we've got a hostage situation
I in which thirty-five civilians
are being held by an undetermined
number of terrorists with no
1
expressed intent to negotiate.
1
Now, we've got six hours before
the East Coast wakes up and turns
on their TV's and frankly I'd like
not to be here when they do, so
let's hear what you gentlemen
have got to say.
LITTLE JOHNSON
Excuse me, but it seems you've
left something out.
Robinson looks up at the Agent.
ROBINSON
(to the others)
There's an unidentified gunman in
the building who claims to have
^ .• killed four of the terrorists, have
{ plastic explosives and detonators:
These claims are unconfirmed.
(CONTINUED)
Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

Summary McClane prepares for a potential attack, setting up barriers and explosives on the 37th floor while terrorists Karl, Fritz, and Franco hunt for him on the 38th. The police and SWAT team gather to assess the situation and plan their next move.
Strengths "The tension between McClane and the terrorists is palpable. The scene effectively sets up the danger and stakes of the situation. The introduction of new characters adds depth to the story."
Weaknesses "The dialogue in this scene is mostly exposition, which can risk becoming too heavy-handed and dull. There is little character development."
Critique Overall, the scene effectively builds tension and advances the plot of the story. However, there are a few areas that could be improved:

- The introduction of the CB radio feels a bit forced and convenient. It's not clear why Williams would have a portable CB unit in the trunk of his limo, and it feels like a contrived way to provide exposition about the status of the terrorists.
- McClane's use of plastic explosives and detonators on the light switch seems like a bit of an overkill. It's not clear why he needs so many explosives and it feels a bit unrealistic.
- The dialogue in the police trailer is somewhat clunky and expository. It's not necessary to have Robinson summarize the situation for the benefit of the new characters, and Little Johnson's interruption feels like a contrived way to inject tension.

Overall, these are relatively minor issues and the scene is otherwise well-written and engaging.
Suggestions Here are some suggestions to improve the scene:

- Clarify why McClane is overturning desks and making a small fortress. Is he trying to hide or prepare for a potential attack? Adding a few lines of dialogue or inner thoughts from McClane can provide some context and make his actions seem more purposeful.
- Consider adding a visual to show Williams using the CB unit in the limo. This can make the scene more dynamic and show the audience what he's doing instead of just hearing his voice.
- Add some tension to the scene with Karl and the terrorists on the 39th floor. Instead of having him simply state that two of his comrades are dead, show the aftermath of the deaths and how Karl is reacting. This can also humanize the terrorists a bit and make them feel like real characters instead of just faceless villains.
- Show McClane setting up the explosives in a more visually interesting way. Instead of just telling the audience what he's doing, add some shots of him carefully placing the explosives and wiring them together. This can add some suspense and make the audience wonder what he's planning to do with them.
- Consider adding some dialogue or banter between the characters in the police trailer. This can make the scene more engaging and give the characters more personality. Additionally, adding some conflict or tension between the different groups (SWAT team, Feds, etc.) can make the scene more interesting to watch.



Scene 32 -  Preparing for an Attack
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 7
A98
62
215 CONTINUED: 215
^ BAILEY
( Who is he? What's he doing there?
ROBINSON
He won't tell us. We have an
officer monitoring it.
216 EXT. POLICE TRAILER - SIDEWALK - ON POWELL - SAME 216
He stands on the street behind some cars with his CB.
An officer comes by with a fresh cup of coffee for
him.
POWELL
(to CB)
How're you doing, partner?
INTERCUT:
217 MCCLANE ON 37TH FLOOR 217
He sits with his back to the wall, behind his fort of
overturned desks. He's tired and hungry and raises his CB.
MCCLANE
(to Powell)
I'm hanging in there. Is that
f^ coffee I smell?
POWELL
Sorry about that, man. How'd
you know?
MCCLANE
Just say I've been there.
What's happening down there?
POWELL
Well, they're having some
big pow-wow right now.
MCCLANE
And you're not invited to it?
POWELL
Hey, man I'm just a desk
jockey who was on my way
home when all this happened.
MCCLANE
Funny, I figured you for the
street, AI, the way you drove
("* that car.
The compliment stirs some buried pride in Powell.
POWELL
It's been a while, partner.
A98
63
218 INT. POLICE TRAILER - SAME 218
Mitchell has started to assert himself. Henry puts an unlit
cigarette between his lips and studies the diagrams.
MITCHELL
I propose we send two men up the
sewers...enter the building here '—
BAILEY
What for?
MITCHELL
(patiently)
Having our men on the inside puts
us in a position to release the
hostages should the opportunity
arise and also give us an accurate
account of the strengths of this
i group.
t LITTLE JOHNSON
Why don't you use the man
who's already inside?
MITCHELL
Because he's not one of my_ men.
BIG JOHNSON
You haven't even talked to him.
BAILEY
(trying to get
a word in)
Frankly, I think we' should wait'
until they want to talk.
MITCHELL
When they want to talk it'11 be
too late. We need our men inside,
now...
HENRY
(quietly)
Can't do it.
Everyone suddenly looks at Henry.
HENRY
(to Mitchell)
You can't get men in through the
sewers.
MITCHELL
What*re you talking about?
(CONTINUED)
A98
64
218 CONTINUED: 218
f* HENRY
(noticing all
the looks)
The building's got a fourty foot
deep reverse flow conduit...they
can't get across it.
MITCHELL
You have a better way in?
Henry puts his cigarettes back into his mouth and looks back
at the diagram.
HENRY
Maybe...Anyone got a light.
219 EXT. POLICE TRAILER - SAME 219
I
/ Powell is talking with McClane on the CB.
POWELL
You seem to know a lot about
cops. You been one? Are you one?
INTERCUT:
{ 220 INT. MCCLANE - 37TH FLOOR - SAME 220
Sitting against the wall.
MCCLANE
I watch a lot of TV. What can
I say...?
POWELL
(probing)
You don't learn to kill like
that on TV.
MCCLANE
Hey, Al...if I could tell you
who I was, I'd tell you. You're
Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

Summary McClane and Theo move through the corridors of Nakatomi plaza, discussing the situation at hand. McClane gives Theo a lesson on how to use a handgun as they search for the terrorists. Meanwhile, outside the building, Deputy Chief Robinson arrives and talks with Powell about the situation. McClane prepares for a potential attack, setting up barriers and explosives on the 37th floor while terrorists Karl, Fritz, and Franco hunt for him on the 38th. The police and SWAT team gather to assess the situation and plan their next move.
Strengths "The tension builds as McClane and Theo move through the building, preparing for an attack. The use of barriers and explosives adds an extra layer of intensity to the scene."
Weaknesses "There is little character development or emotional depth in this scene."
Critique definitely setting up an interesting dynamic between Powell and McClane, both stuck in different locations but communicating through their radios. The dialogue is engaging and shows each character's personality, with McClane being more sarcastic and Powell being more patient and curious. However, the scene as a whole feels a bit exposition-heavy with the discussion about entering the building through the sewers and Mitchell's plan to send in men. There could be more visual elements to break up the talking and add more tension to the scene. Additionally, it's a bit unclear who Mitchell is and why he is suddenly proposing a plan. Some more context could be helpful to clarify his role in the situation. Overall, the dialogue is strong but the scene could benefit from more visual elements and clearer context.
Suggestions doing a great job out there, keep it up. But listen, I need your help. These guys have explosives and it's only a matter of time before they use them. We need to find a way to get in there and stop them before it's too late.

Also, the dialogue between Mitchell, Bailey, and the Johnsons in the police trailer could be improved by making it more concise and to the point. The conversation seems to drag on and it's easy for the audience to lose focus. Try to condense the dialogue while still conveying the important information and disagreements between the characters.



Scene 33 -  Chase and Escape
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 7
just going to have to trust me.
It's an appeal and the words effect Powell, he answers
quietly, like a promise.
POWELL
I trust you, man.
^ Suddenly he hears A CLATTERING SOUND over his CB.

(CONTINUED)

A98
65
220 CONTINUED: 220
MCCLANE'S VOICE
/fe$\ (o.s.)
I've got company, Al...I'll get
back to you.
POWELL
Wait, wait, stay on the line!
But he realizes McClane is gone.
221 INT. 37TH FLOOR - NIGHT 221
McClane moves from his fort in the shadows to the corner of
the floor.
222 MCCLANE'S P.O.V. 222
The axe has fallen, but the floor looks deserted.
223 MCCLANE 223
He hears a noise across the room — like a lamp being
knocked over, then a phone. McClane is on the move. Quickly
he moves through the cubicles, pausing before the doorway
to each one. The noises behind him become louder.
He passes the stairwell door and comes to the corner, looks
f*- carefully around it — it is clear. He steps around it
and suddenly Karl appears around the other corner directly
in front of him and opens fire. The bullets rip into the wall
in front of him — hitting a metal drinking fountain and
sending water spewing across the room. McClane ducks back
around the corner but at that moment Franco and Fritz
appear at the other end cutting off his retreat.
.MCCLANE
Oh, shit...
McClane feels the handle of the stairwell door behind him and
pushes it, disappearing into the stairwell just as the two
terrorists open fire.
224 INT. STAIRWELL - SAME 224
Quickly McClane starts up the stairs. His bare feet taking
the concrete steps two at a time, heading into the darkness
of the next landing. Suddenly WE HEAR a CRUNCH and McClane
stiffens like he's been shot.
225 CLOSE - MCCLANE'S FOOT 225
The broken glass of fluorescent light bulbs and blood moves
^ out from beneath his left foot.


A98
66
226 MCCLANE 226
leans against the railing for support, the pain is incredible.
(
**
"*
*• He lifts his foot exposing a three inch gash. Gritting his
teeth he reaches into the bloody slash and extracts a large piece
of glass. Suddenly below WE HEAR the stairwell door open.
McClane fires a burst down the stairwell and pulls himself to
the door, three steps up.
227 38TH FLOOR 227
McClane hobbles painfully toward the elevator bank — every
step leaves a pool of blood in the carpet.-
228 EXT. OUTSIDE POLICE TRAILER - ON POWELL - SAME 228
He clutches his CB and tries desperately to make contact
with McClane.
POWELL
Come in, Partner. If you can
hear me, come in...
229 INT. STAIRWELL - 38TH FLOOR - SAME 229
Franco and Karl reach the bloodstains on the stairs. They
move carefully to the door to the 38th floor and crack it
slightly, then open it more — McClane is nowhere in sight,
but his trail is evident.
s£$£>\


A bloody path leads toward the elevator bank — veering
toward a secretary's desk — missing it's chair — then
back to the elevators. Suddenly the two terrorists HEAR
the SOUND OF AN ELEVATOR in motion and move quickly to the:
230 ELEVATOR BANK - 38TH FLOOR 230
Two sets of elevators facing each other like square dancers.
McClane*s bloodstains lead up to a set of doors and quickly
Franco forces open the doors with his fingers and looks in.
231 FRANCO'S P.O.V. 231
The elevator car in motion going down. It stops two floors
below them.
FRANCO
He's going down.
They move quickly back to the stairwell as we STAY in the
elevator bank a full second after they're gone. Suddenly
the doors on the opposite side of the bank open and we SEE
McClane sitting in the secretary's chair keeping his bleeding
left foot off the ground.
/flW\
232 38TH FLOOR - MAIN OFFICE AREA 232
McClane hobbles back to the office area. He goes to the
first desk he reaches and begins going through the drawers
(CONTINUED)
A98
67
232 CONTINUED: 232
Genres: ["action","thriller"]

Summary McClane and Theo move through the corridors of Nakatomi plaza, discussing the situation at hand. McClane gives Theo a lesson on how to use a handgun as they search for the terrorists. Meanwhile, outside the building, Deputy Chief Robinson arrives and talks with Powell about the situation. McClane prepares for a potential attack, setting up barriers and explosives on the 37th floor while terrorists Karl, Fritz, and Franco hunt for him on the 38th. McClane escapes from the terrorists by hobbling through the stairwell and elevator bank, leaving a bloody trail behind him.
Strengths
  • Tense pacing
  • Inventive action
Weaknesses
  • Lackluster dialogue
Critique Overall, this scene is well-written with good pacing and tension. The dialogue between Powell and McClane is effective in showing their trust and camaraderie. The action is clear and easy to follow, with good use of description and sensory details. The reveal of McClane's injury adds another layer of danger to the scene. However, the scene could benefit from more character development - we don't know much about the terrorists or their motivation. Additionally, there could be more emotional stakes at play - what is McClane fighting for, other than survival? Overall, a solid scene that could use some further development in character and emotional depth.
Suggestions Overall, this scene seems to flow well and keeps the tension high. However, here are some suggestions for improvement:

1. Consider adding more physical descriptions of the characters and the environment to help immerse the audience in the scene. For example, what do the terrorists look like? What does the bloody trail look like on the carpet?

2. Add more dialogue between Powell and McClane to help build their relationship and increase the audience's emotional investment in their interaction.

3. Show more of McClane's physical pain from his foot injury. This will help increase the sense of danger and vulnerability he is experiencing.

4. Consider adding more action to the scene to further increase its intensity. For example, McClane could try to take on the terrorists directly, leading to a chase or shootout.

5. Finally, try to vary the sentence length and structure for more dynamic writing. Right now, most of the sentences are short and simple, which can make the scene feel choppy. By varying the length and structure of the sentences, you can make the scene feel more fluid and engaging.



Scene 34 -  Preparation and Confrontation
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 7
  • Dialogue: 7
/m^ looking for gauze or something to stop the bleeding on his
[ foot. No luck, he moves to the next desk and opens a drawer.
He finds a box of Kleenex and tosses it. A little more
digging turns up a box of band-aids — finger size. He opens
another drawer digs for a moment then closes it — nothing.
Then he stops — and slowly reopens the last drawer.
233 INSERT - THE DRAWER 233
He pulls back some papers and REVEALS a box of MAXI-PADS.
234 EXT. NAKATOMI - HUGE SPOTLIGHT - SAME 234
A huge spotlight is brought into position a half-block away
from the building. We NOTICE several more — their generators
rumbling. Suddenly their beams are turned on, increased in
intensity and pointed to the building. The reflection off
the glass is incredible, blinding.
)'
/ 235 INT. HANS' OFFICE - SAME 235
Hans notices the growing illumination and goes to the window,
carefully looking out. The entire front of the building is
whited out. He picks up his CB.
236 INT. STAIRWELL - SAME 236
Karl and Franco moving carefully down the stairwell. Their
. CB crackles to life.
HANS' VOICE
(on CB)
1
The police are moving.
i
( 237 INT. 38TH FLOOR 237
McClane unwraps a maxi-pad and tapes it tightly to the
bottom of his cut foot. He tests it gingerly on the carpet —
it's painful, but serviceable. Looking up he notices the
intensity in the lights outside. McClane picks up his CB.
MCCLANE
AI?
POWELL'S VOICE
(o.s.)
Right here, partner. I thought
we'd lost you.
• MCCLANE
You almost did. I'm going to
be limping for a while. What's
f* going on down there?
238 EXT. POLICE TRAILER - SIDEWALK - ON POWELL 238
Around him the activity with the huge spotlight is apparent.
„00 (CONTINUED)
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68

238 CONTINUED: 238

POWELL
Just sit tight. We're just
adding a little light to see by.
MCCLANE'S VOICE
(o.s.)
Listen to me! If you're getting
ready to try something, don't.
This is what they want!
239 INT. HANS' OFFICE - ON HANS - SAME 239
at the window, looking out. He can't see anything — total
whiteout. Instead of panic however he senses a confrontation
and it excites him. He smiles and steps into the hall.
HOLLY
? (to Hans)
/ What's going on?
HANS
The child is about to touch
the stove.
240 EXT. CENTURY CITY APARTMENT BUILDING - SAME 240
/0fe\
Two SWAT officers, with blackened faces and carrying
equipment bags, move quickly through the lobby of a nearby
apartment building and enter Lobby elevator.
241 EXT. ADJACENT BUILDING - ROOF - SAME 241
Another PAIR of SWAT OFFICERS move to a point on the roof
of another building and peer over the edge at the brilliantly
lit Nakatomi building. THE SPOTTER stares through an infrared
scope at the Nakatomi roof while the other officer, THE SNIPER
sets up his rifle.
242 EXT. CENTURY CITY - ON MITCHELL AND ROBINSON - 242
POLICE BARRICADES
Mitchell listens to a CB radio then looks at Robinson, who
is visibly tense.
MITCHELL
We're in position.
Robinson hesitates, then gives his approval with a nod.
MITCHELL
(to CB)
Go.




A98
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Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

Summary McClane and Theo search for terrorists while McClane teaches him how to use a handgun. McClane prepares for an attack and sets up barriers and explosives. Outside, the police and SWAT team gather to assess the situation and plan their next move. McClane escapes the terrorists by leaving a trail of blood and hobbling through the stairwell and elevator bank. As McClane prepares for an attack, Deputy Chief Robinson arrives and talks with Powell about the situation, while Karl, Fritz, and Franco hunt for McClane on the 38th floor. Meanwhile, Hans notices the growing light from the police outside and goes to the window, sensing a confrontation.
Strengths "Strong preparation for the impending attack and clear tension building between the police and the terrorists."
Weaknesses "The scene lacked a significant emotional impact."
Critique As a screenwriting AI, I cannot provide an expert critique of a scene as I am not programmed to evaluate writing ability or style. However, I can provide a breakdown of the scene's content as follows:

- John McClane is searching for something to stop the bleeding on his foot and finds a box of Maxi-Pads.
- Meanwhile, the police set up huge spotlights outside the Nakatomi building.
- Hans notices the growing illumination and goes to the window to investigate.
- Karl and Franco are moving down the stairwell, and the CB crackles to life with Hans' voice announcing that the police are moving.
- McClane tapes a Maxi-Pad to his cut foot and tests it on the carpet.
- McClane radios Powell to ask what's going on outside.
- Hans senses a confrontation and steps into the hall, and Holly asks him what's going on.
- Two SWAT Officers enter the lobby elevator of a nearby apartment building while another pair sets up on the roof of an adjacent building with a sniper rifle.
- Mitchell and Robinson are at the police barricade and receive confirmation to go.

Overall, this scene is well-paced and provides a good balance of action between McClane and the police, as well as adding tension with the introduction of the SWAT team. The use of Maxi-Pads as a solution for McClane's injury is also unexpected and adds a touch of humor to the scene. However, it is important to note that these points are simply observations and not an expert critique of the scene.
Suggestions One suggestion would be to make the connection between McClane finding the maxi-pads and the police outside clearer. The scene jumps from McClane finding the pads to the police setting up outside without a clear transition. Another suggestion would be to build tension or conflict between Hans and McClane during this scene, as they are the two main characters in the film. Perhaps Hans could notice McClane's search for first aid supplies through binoculars and comment on it to himself, further indicating the growing tension between them. Overall, the scene could benefit from tightening up the pacing and making the events and character motivations clearer.



Scene 35 -  Attack on SWAT Team
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 7
  • Dialogue: 7
243 ANGLE ON TWO SWAT OFFICERS 243
/9&\
{ They sprint unmolested to the bars covering the garage doors.
Mitchell and Robinson watch from behind the cover of a police
car as one of the SWAT officers removes a portable welding
torch and begins cutting his way through the lock.
244 INT. 38TH FLOOR - MCCLANE 244
He moves painfully to the window and looks out. He can't
see a thing because of the lights.
MCCLANE
(to himself)
No...
245 EXT. POLICE BARRICADES - ON MITCHELL AND ROBINSON 245
Suddenly rifle fire sounds from the building.
ROBINSON
(worriedly)
They're shooting at them.
MITCHELL
(calmly)
It's panic fire...they can't see
f* anything.
More shots ring out from the building going over the SWAT
officers' heads and suddenly the huge dome of one of the
spotlights shatters behind Mitchell and Robinson's head.
The glow fades. A moment later the next light twenty feet
away dies.
ROBINSON
They're going after the lights!
The two SWAT officers cutting the garage gate suddenly look
up as their cover starts to disappear.
ROBINSON
Call them back.
MITCHELL
No, they're almost in.
Suddenly the third and fourth lights are shot out and the
SWAT men become sitting ducks.
246 INT. 3RD FLOOR 246
{ The terrorist marksman, Alexander, on the third floor draws
a bead through his scope and hits one of the officers in the
leg, then hits 'the second one in the chest.

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70
247 EXT. POLICE BARRICADES - ON MITCHELL AND ROBINSON 247
P MITCHELL
(on radio)
Send up the car!
An armored car wheels toward the building and starts toward
the wounded men.
248 INT. HANS' OFFICE - SAME 248
From his vantage point he watches the action. At the sight
of the armored car he lifts his CB.
HANS
They're sending in the car.
249 INT. ROOF-MACHINE ROOM/SERVICE ELEVATOR - SAME 249
JAMES quickly loads two small crates onto the service
elevator and pushes the button for the 3rd floor. As the car
starts down, he removes an anti-tank gun from one of the crates.
250 INT. 38TH FLOOR - SAME 250
McClane HEARS the sound of the ELEVATOR MOTOR running coming
down from the roof. He picks up his CB.
V MCCLANE
AI, what's happening out there?
POWELL'S VOICE
(o.s.)
They're kicking our ass down here.
We've got two men down and we're
going to have to send in a shield
to get them out.
MCCLANE
That's what they want.
POWELL'S VOICE
(o.s.)
Hey, man we aren't going to let them
sit out there!
251 INT. 3RD FLOOR - SAME 251
The service elevator arrives on the third floor and James
moves across the room toward the windows with the anti-tank
weapon. At the window, Alexander puts down his rifle and
takes the weapon from James.
/fM;i\

( CONTINUED)



A98
71
251 CONTINUED: 251
/fiwlfP\
Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

Summary McClane and the terrorists face off as the police and SWAT team attempt to rescue two wounded officers.
Strengths
  • Tension is built as the terrorists attack the police and SWAT team, adding a level of conflict and danger to the scene.
  • The scene includes a variety of characters, each with their own distinct personalities and motivations.
Weaknesses
  • The action can be difficult to follow at times, especially with multiple characters and locations.
  • The emotional impact is somewhat lacking, as the focus is more on the action and plot than on character development.
Critique As a screenwriting AI language model, I am not an expert and cannot provide critiques. However, the scene could benefit from clearer formatting and descriptions of action and characters to make it easier to follow. Additionally, the dialogue could be more impactful and dynamic to better engage the audience.
Suggestions Here are some suggestions for improving the scene:

1. Make the action clearer: The scene contains a lot of information and action, but it can be hard to follow exactly what is happening. Consider breaking it up into smaller, more focused moments that the viewer can follow more easily.

2. Develop the characters: The SWAT officers and Mitchell and Robinson are not well-developed, which makes it hard for the viewer to care about their fate. Consider adding some personality traits or backstories that will make them more relatable.

3. Add tension: The shooting and destruction of the lights creates tension, but it could be heightened even more. Consider adding more obstacles for the characters to overcome, or increasing the danger they are in.

4. Clarify character motivations: The dialogue between Mitchell and Robinson is unclear - why does Mitchell want to continue with the plan even though it is dangerous? Why does Robinson want to call them back? Clarifying their motivations will make the scene more believable.

5. Show, don't tell: There is a lot of dialogue in the scene that is explaining what is happening, rather than showing it. Consider cutting back on the dialogue and showing the action instead. For example, instead of having Mitchell say "they're almost in," show the SWAT officers getting closer to their goal.



Scene 36 -  Confrontation and Explosion
  • Overall: 7.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 6
  • Dialogue: 6
Outside the window the armored car has stopped in front of
the wounded men and paramedics quickly load them in from the
sheltered side of the vehicle. Alexander quickly sights on
the armored car.
ALEXANDER
(to Hans, CB)
I have them.
HANS' VOICE
(o.s., over CB)
Fire.
252 EXT. THE ARMORED CAR 252
A blast ROARS from the third floor window and the shell hits
j the armored car. The car pitches forward like a beast whose
1 front legs have been shot out from under it — its front axle
destroyed, unable to move. Alexander looks back at James and
grins.
253 32ND FLOOR - HANS 253
He watches from his window. Coldly picks up his CB.
f^ HANS
Hit it again.
254 MCCLANE 254
listening. He picks up his CB.
MCCLANE
Hans, you motherfucker, you've
made your point. Let them pull
back!
HANS' VOICE
(o.s.)
No, Mr. Barefoot man, there's more
to teach them.
McClane slumps to the floor below the window. He feels
helpless, then notices his kit bag.
255 3RD FLOOR 255
James runs back to the crate "on the elevator.
256 EXT. POLICE BARRICADES - ON ROBINSON AND MITCHELL 256
They look on in horror as the armored car sits helplessly on
fire. On the police radio channel we HEAR the screams of
men inside.

AS8 (CONTINUED)
72

256 CONTINUED: 256
Z^5**,
MITCHELL
(to radio)
Davis! Jimenez!...Report...
DAVIS
(voice over; on
radio, yelling)
This is Davis. We've got one
dead. Everybody's hit. Jimenez's
bleeding bad. We've got to get
the fuck out of here!
MITCHELL
(to radio)
Davis, hang on! That's an order!
Hang on, we'll get you out.
• 257 INT. ELEVATOR CAR - 3RD FLOOR - SAME 257
/
James opens the box of shells and takes two and starts back
across the room.
258 INT. 38TH FLOOR - CLOSE ON A SHAPE OF PLASTIC 258
EXPLOSIVE - SAME
f^1 Like a football. It sits on the seat of a secretary's chair
with castors. We PULL BACK TO SEE McClane press three
detonators into the top, then cover the explosive with a
typewriter, tying it securely in place with electrical cords.
259 ANGLE ON SERVICE ELEVATOR - MCCLANE 259
wheels the chair to the service elevator, opens the door and
blocks them with a fire ax. He looks in — the top of the
car can just be seen thirty five floors below.
260 INT. 3RD FLOOR 260
James hands the shell to Alexander, who expertly loads it
into the anti-tank gun. Through the window we SEE a second
armored car roll into position next to the other. Alexander
lifts the anti-tank gun to his shoulder and aims.
261 INT. 38TH FLOOR 261
McClane pushes the chair into the shaft.
MCCLANE
Geronimo...motherfuckers.
[ For a long moment there is nothing, then: the shaft is filled
with light, then SOUND — an ungodly ROAR — and McClane is
thrown back across the elevator corridor against the other
bank of doors by the concussion wave.

A98
73
Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

Summary McClane and the terrorists engage in a standoff as the police attempt to rescue wounded officers. Alexander shoots an armored car, causing it to catch on fire. McClane and Hans exchange words over the radio. James retrieves shells while McClane sets up an explosive on the 38th floor. Alexander shoots at the second armored car. McClane pushes the explosive off the 38th floor and sets it off, causing a massive explosion.
Strengths "Intense conflict, suspenseful, explosive climax."
Weaknesses "Character development is lacking, dialogue is minimal and overly vulgar."
Critique There are a few issues with this scene. Firstly, it is difficult to keep track of who is doing what and where they are. Secondly, the dialogue is quite cliché and lacks originality. Thirdly, the action feels rushed, and it is hard to believe that someone could successfully load a shell into an anti-tank gun in such a short amount of time.

In order to improve this scene, it would be helpful to provide more clear and concise descriptions of the action and physical locations of the characters. Additionally, the dialogue could be revised to be more unique and reflective of each character's personality. Finally, the scene could benefit from a slower pace that allows for more tension and added believability in the actions being taken.
Suggestions Here are some suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Establishing shots: Before the action starts, provide some establishing shots to show where the armored car and the wounded men are located. This will help the audience better visualize the scene.

2. Clearer action lines: The action lines could be clearer and more concise. For example, instead of "Alexander quickly sights on the armored car," it could be written as "Alexander aims his gun at the armored car."

3. Characterization: Provide more characterization for the characters, particularly Hans and McClane. What motivates them? What are their personalities like? This will help the audience better understand their actions and decisions.

4. Dialogue: The dialogue could be improved to make it more natural and engaging. For example, instead of "Hans, you motherfucker, you've made your point," McClane could say something like "Hans, you crazy bastard, you're gonna kill us all!"

5. Tension building: Create more tension leading up to the explosion. For example, show more shots of the wounded men inside the armored car and their desperate attempts to escape.

6. Visuals: Use more visual cues to convey the action. For example, instead of just saying "the car pitches forward," describe the sound and movement of the car in more detail.



Scene 37 -  Explosive Confrontation
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 9
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 8
262 ON THE '3RD FLOOR 262
The explosion, like a firestorm, rips across the floor:
263 BLOWING OUT THE MACHINE GUN NEST AND JAMES AND 263
ALEXANDER
264 SHATTERING WINDOWS 264
265 SENDING DESKS, CHAIRS, PHONES, AND TYPWRITERS 265
FLYING
266 EXT. AVENUE OF THE STARS 266
The police take cover behind their cars. Powell, Robinson,
and Mitchell look like they've seen the face of God as the
building rocks from the blast. Henry's cigarette falls from
his mouth as a desk is sent hurtling across Avenue of the Stars
into the trees across the street.
267 INT. UNDERGROUND PARKING GARAGE - ON WILLIAM - SAME 267
watching it on TV, feeling it all around him.
WILLIAM
Oh, Jesus...
268 EXT. DOWN THE STREET - SAME 268
Dick Thornburg's crew is taping.
THORNBURG
(in awe)
Unreal.
(to the cameraman)
Did you get all that?
CAMERAMAN
Yep.
Thornburg looks at his competitors still setting up.
THORNBURG
Eat your fucking heart out
Channel Four.
269 ON HOSTAGE FLOOR 269
The hostages are shaken and the remaining terrorists, Fritz
and Franco", aren't too sure of themselves either. Only
Hans is relatively calm.
f* FRANCO
They're firing at us.
(CONTINUED)

A98
74

269 CONTINUED: 269

HANS
It's not the police...it's him.
270 ANGLE ON HOLLY 270
She comforts an older woman.
271 INT. 38TH FLOOR - MCCLANE - SAME 271
He sits up and lifts the CB.
MCCLANE
Hey, AI, you guys okay out there?
INTERCUT:
272 EXT. POWELL 272
on the street.
POWELL
(on CB)
Holy shit, man, what was that?
MCCLANE
One of their packets. Is the
building on fire?
POWELL
No, but they're going to have
to tear this sucker down and
build a new one. We got a report
from one of our spotters that you
got three with that blast.
MCCLANE
Three? Are you sure?
Before Powell can answer Robinson comes running up to him.
ROBINSON
Is that him?
POWELL
Yessir.
ROBINSON
(reaching for Powell's
CB)
/^vW^N.
Give me that thing.
(CONTINUED)



A98
75
272 CONTINUED: 272
(** ROBINSON (Cont.)
(angrily to McClane)
Now, listen to me, mister, I don't
know what your game is but you just
destroyed a building and put
hundreds of people's lives in
jeopardy. Now maybe you were
trying to help but we don't need
any more of that kind of cooperation.
I want you to put down your weapons
and retreat to a safe place. Do
you understand, me?
McCLANE
Who is this?
ROBINSON
J This is Deputy Chief of Police
t Dwayne T. Robinson. You are
interfering with police business.
McClane leans tiredly against the elevator door.
MCCLANE
Put AI back on, Dwayne.
/SfSN^
Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

Summary McClane sets up explosives and engages in a standoff with the terrorists while the police try to rescue wounded officers. The terrorists are shaken after an explosion on the 38th floor, which McClane caused. The blast also causes chaos outside and scares the hostages. In the midst of the chaos, Deputy Chief Robinson confronts McClane over the radio.
Strengths
  • Intense action
  • Tension-filled standoff
Weaknesses
  • Thin character development
  • Stereotypical dialogue
Critique Overall, this scene appears to be a part of an action movie and focuses on the aftermath of an explosion. The scene briefly sets the stage for the audience by describing the destruction caused by the explosion, giving glimpses of reactions to it by various characters, and finishing with a confrontation between the protagonist and one of the police officers. However, as a screenwriting expert, there are some critiques I would give for this scene:

1. Lack of character development: The scene does not provide much insight into the characters beyond surface-level reactions to the explosion. It would be beneficial to explore the characters' motivations, desires, and personalities to make them more well-rounded and relatable.

2. Limited emotional impact: Despite the dramatic setting, the scene fails to elicit a strong emotional response from the audience. Adding more emotional moments or focusing on the characters' reactions to the explosion could help make the scene more impactful.

3. Dialogue could be improved: The dialogue in this scene is functional but lacks nuance or subtext. The conversation between McClane and Robinson feels clichéd and predictable. Improving the dialogue could make the scene more interesting and engaging.

Overall, while this scene serves its purpose in the larger narrative of the film, there is room for improvement in terms of character development, emotional impact, and dialogue.
Suggestions 1. Provide more context: It is not clear why the explosion took place or who caused it. Adding this information would help provide a better understanding of the scene.

2. Develop the character of the terrorists: Fritz and Franco are mentioned but not given any personality traits or background information. Developing their characters would add more depth to the scene.

3. Give McClane more agency: In this scene, McClane is mostly reactive and passive. Giving him more active involvement in the events would make the scene more engaging.

4. Streamline dialogue: Some of the dialogue, such as Robinson's speech, is excessively verbose and could be trimmed down to make the scene move more quickly.

5. Consider pacing: The scene feels a bit rushed, with a lot of action happening in a short amount of time. Balancing the action with slower moments of character development would help improve the pacing.



Scene 38 -  ROBINSON
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 10
ROBINSON
No. I'm giving the orders here!
MCCLANE
Put the other guy on!
ROBINSON
Listen fuckhead — !
MCCLANE
(exploding)
No! You listen to me. You've got
at least six psychos holding thirty-
five people at gunpoint and they
just waxed your ass down there.
They've got enough explosives to
flatten this end of the city and
the balls to do it but what they
don't have is the means to detonate
it because of me. They're down to
half strength because of me. Are
they talking to you? Do you think
you can stop them down there?
C'mon, tell me, Dwayne!...Hell no!
.f* You're the fuckhead. You're.the
asshole! Now, put AI on, goddamnit!
McClane is so furious, he's out of breath.
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76

273 INT. LIMO - WILLIAM - SAME 273
William nods in agreement.
WILLIAM
Tell 'em, John! Tell 'em!
274 INT. 38TH FLOOR - ON MCCLANE 274
still seething. There is a long pause on the CB, then:
POWELL'S VOICE
(o.s.)
Here you go. How're you feeling?
MCCLANE
(furious)
How the hell you think I'm feeling.
Who is that asshole?!
/ 275 ON POWELL 275
Other officers, including Robinson, monitor the conversation.
POWELL
(sharply)
Hey, don't draw me into that kind
of talk. You hear me? Now I know
you're wounded and tired and mad
as hell, but the last thing you
want to do is waste your energy
with some fat-assed, jerk-off,
dumb-as-shit deputy police chief.
You understand?
276 ON MCCLANE 276
He grins, and a little laugh escapes.
POWELL'S VOICE
(o.s.)
I say something funny?
MCCLANE
No, just nice to hear some common
sense.
277 ON POWELL 277
POWELL
Hang in there, man. Hang in there.
(** • MCCLANE'S VOICE
(o.s., tiredly)
Thanks, partner.
(CONTINUED)
A98
77

277 CONTINUED: 277
Powell hears McClane's line go dead. He puts down his phone
and sees Robinson staring at him.
ROBINSON
'Jerk-off, dumb-shit deputy chief
of police?'
POWELL
Sorry sir, I was just trying to
relieve some of the tension.
Robinson turns and leaves; Powell watches him and smiles to
himself.
278 INT. HOSTAGE FLOOR - HANS OFFICE - SAME 278
Hans, Franco, and Karl plotting strategy.
HANS
(to Karl)
Heinz is now on the fifth floor
covering the street. That leaves
Fritz on this floor with the hostages,
Uli on the roof, and you and Franco
to find him...Do it.
/0&\

279 ANGLE ON ELLIS AND HOLLY 279
outside of Hans' office. Ellis watches Franco and Karl
leave then looks back at Hans' office. Suddenly, he stands
and Holly looks at him like he was crazy.
HOLLY
What are you doing?
Fritz moves quickly across the room towards Ellis.
ELLIS
(to Holly)
I'm tired of sitting here getting
cramps on my legs waiting for the
cops or your husband to get us
all killed...
HOLLY
What are you going to do?
ELLIS
Hey, I just negotiated a $150,000,000
deal, babe...I think I can handle this.
f* (to- Fritz)
I want to talk to Hans.


A98
78
Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

Summary McClane engages in a heated exchange with Deputy Chief Robinson over the radio while the police try to rescue wounded officers. Meanwhile, the terrorists continue their plan and Hans and his team plan their strategy.
Strengths "Intense dialogue between McClane and Robinson adds depth to their characters and highlights the tense situation. The scene shows the terrorists' plan and strategy, building suspense for the audience."
Weaknesses "The scene may be confusing for viewers who are not familiar with the overall plot and characters. The emotional impact of the scene may be decreased for those who are not invested in the characters."
Critique Overall, the scene is well-written and engaging. The dialogue between McClane and Robinson is tense and keeps the audience invested in the action. McClane's frustration and anger are well-conveyed through his dialogue, and the exchange between him and Powell offers a moment of levity without detracting from the tension of the scene.

One area for improvement might be to further develop the character of Ellis. As it stands, he seems somewhat one-dimensional and operates more as a plot device than a fully-developed character. Providing more backstory or personality traits could help to make him more compelling and increase audience investment in his fate.

Additionally, some of the character motivations and actions could be more clearly defined. For example, it's not entirely clear why Ellis feels the need to negotiate with Hans or what he hopes to achieve by doing so. Further detail and clarity in these areas could help to strengthen the scene and make it even more effective.
Suggestions Here are some suggestions to improve this scene:

1. Use more descriptive action lines. Instead of just saying "McClane is furious," describe how he looks and behaves to show his anger. For example, "McClane's face turns red and he clenches his fists as he leans in closer to the CB."

2. Consider breaking up the dialogue with some action. Right now, it's just a back-and-forth exchange between two characters. Interspersing it with action could add tension and pacing to the scene. For example, "McClane slams his fist on the desk, making the phone bounce. Robinson flinches at the sudden noise."

3. Use more specific language to describe the characters. Instead of just calling Robinson an "asshole" and a "fuckhead," try using more creative insults or descriptions that reveal more about the character. For example, "McClane sneers at Robinson, 'You're about as useful as a screen door on a submarine.'"

4. Develop the character of Powell more. Right now, he's just a voice on a phone. If he's going to be an important character, he should have more of a presence. Consider adding a brief scene that shows what he's doing while he's on the phone with McClane, or adding some details about his personality or backstory.

5. Think about the pacing of the scene. Is it too long? Could some parts be cut down or eliminated to keep the momentum going? For example, the exchange between Powell and McClane at the end could be shorter and still convey the same emotions.



Scene 39 -  McClane receives a message from the terrorists
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 7
280 MCCLANE 280
sitting tiredly against the wall. Sweat runs down his face
and arms leaving streaks through the dirt. McClane watches
a drop fall to the floor.
MCCLANE
(to himself)
You assholes had to cut the air
conditioning off, didn't you?
He digs out his now crumpled and grease-stained photo of his
family. He wipes a smudge from the face of Holly and smiles
tiredly. Suddenly his CB crackles to life.
POWELL'S VOICE
(to McClane)
Hey, partner? How's it going?
MCCLANE
I'm hanging, man. I'm hanging
...You got any kids, AI?
INTERCUT:
281 POWELL ON STREET 281
POWELL
J0F?\ Expecting my first any week, now.
MCCLANE
Congratulations.
POWELL
Thanks. You?
MCCLANE
Two. And I sure want to see 'em
again.
282 CLOSE - A HAND WRITING A NOTE 282
It says: CHILDREN? We PULL BACK TO REVEAL Dick Thornburg.
He passes the note silently over to his assistant, MARY,
as they monitor the call.
283 MCCLANE 283
stares at his photo, when suddenly another VOICE besides
Powell's comes over his radio.
HANS' VOICE
(o.s. on CB)
Touching, Mr. McClane. Touching.
( The sound of his name startles him and for a moment McClane
stares at the radio.
(CONTINUED)

A98
79
283 CONTINUED: 283
HANS' VOICE
(o.s.)
John McClane are you listening?
McCLANE
(beat)
Yes.
HANS' VOICE
(o.s.)
We have your colleague here...a
Mr. Ellis.
284 INT. 32ND (HOSTAGE) FLOOR - ON ELLIS AND HANS - SAME 284
Ellis is being pampered by Fritz and Franco in Hans' office.
He has a cigarette, and a terrorist brings him a Diet Coke.
Hans hands the radio to Ellis. Karl watches quietly.
J HANS
/ (to Ellis)
Just act nervous.
Ellis nods and presses the TALK button.
ELLIS
(to McClane, on CB)
John?
MCCLANE'S VOICE
(o.s., quietly)
How are you, Ellis?
ELLIS
All right...John, listen to me...
They want you to tell them where the
detonators are. They know people are
listening. They want the'detonators
or they're going to kill me.
Ellis looks over at Hans who gives him a "thumbs-up", he's
doing a great job.
285 INT. POLICE TRAILER - ON POWELL, ROBINSON - SAME 285
and others listening intently.
286 ON MCCLANE 286
He closes his eyes and leans his head back again.
ELLIS' VOICE
John, are you listening?
/T^V MCCLANE
(to CB, quietly)
Yeah, I hear you.


A98
80
Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

Summary McClane is tired and watches a drop of sweat fall from his face. He talks to Powell about his family while looking at their family photo. Thornburg monitors the call silently with Mary while McClane receives a message from Hans that they have Ellis hostage and demand the detonators.
Strengths "The tension builds as McClane receives a message that the terrorists have his colleague as hostage and demands the detonators. The character development of McClane is shown as he talks about his family to Powell and looks at their family photo. The audience is left wondering what will happen next."
Weaknesses "The scene feels a bit slow-paced and lacks action. The emotional impact is not as high as in some other scenes."
Critique Overall, the scene is well-written and engaging, with good use of tension through dialogue and action. However, here are a few potential areas of critique:

- The scene could benefit from more visual description to bring the setting to life. For example, instead of just saying McClane is sitting against a wall, describe the room he's in, the lighting, any other sensory details that would add to the atmosphere.

- It's not entirely clear what Dick Thornburg is doing in the scene, or how important he is to the story. If he's a minor character, consider cutting his appearance or giving him more of a purpose.

- There are a few minor formatting errors, like missing line breaks between some of the dialogue.

Overall, though, the scene effectively moves the story forward and builds tension towards the next plot development.
Suggestions 1. Consider adding more action to the scene - perhaps McClane could be doing something physical (like stretching or massaging his sore muscles) while he speaks on the radio.
2. Make the dialogue more engaging and dynamic - perhaps give Powell and McClane a more interesting conversation topic to discuss.
3. Add some tension to the scene - for example, maybe McClane could be running out of time to find the detonators, or the terrorists could be closing in on him.
4. Explore the character's emotions and thoughts more deeply - for example, offer more insight into how McClane is feeling about being separated from his family during this dangerous situation.



Scene 40 -  The Killing of Ellis
  • Overall: 7.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 6
  • Dialogue: 6
287 ON ELLIS (HANS' OFFICE) 287
ELLIS
Listen, I've been pulling for
you, man...But the police are
here now. It's their problem...
Tell these guys where the detonators
are so no one else gets hurt.
MCCLANE'S VOICE
(o.s.)
I can't tell them, Ellis. I'd
have to show them. Then what?
You know what they'll do to me?
ELLIS
(becoming bullying)
Listen, John. If not for me, it
would be over for you already...
J I can end it all for you in two
/ seconds, if I want.
Hans reaches out his hand for the CB. Ellis gives it to him.
HANS
(to CB)
Mr. McClane, what Mr. Ellis is
^ obviously not making clear to
1 s
you is that if you do not yield
our equipment at once, we will
kill him.
He hands the radio back to Ellis, who takes a sip of his soft
drink, obviously untroubled by Hans' threat.
ELLIS
(quieter, more
confidentially)
By the way, did you ever get to
see the watch? I think you understand
what I'm talking about...I hope so.
While Ellis talks, Hans quietly takes out his Walther keeping
it out of Ellis' line of sight.
ELLIS
They're not kidding, John...
Say something...
288 CLOSE - MCCLANE • 288
He can hardly bring himself to say it. He knows they're not
z*5^- kidding, even if Ellis doesn't.
(CONTINUED)


A98
81
288 CONTINUED: 288
s$&\ MCCLANE
(to himself)
Forgive me, Ellis.
(presses the talk
button; to Ellis?
a beat)
I don't believe them.
289 INT. HANS' OFFICE - SAME 289
Ellis looks at Hans and shrugs, "Well, I tried..." Hans nods
understandingly. He takes the CB, presses the TALK button,
and in one frighteningly smooth motion brings the Walther up
to Ellis' forehead and pulls the trigger. ON SOUND OF THE GUNSHO
we:
CUT TO:
290 INT. 38TH FLOOR - MCCLANE - SAME 290
He was expecting it and still it chills him. The screams of
the hostages seem distant over the tiny radio speaker as we:
CUT TO:
291 32ND FLOOR - ON THE HOSTAGES 291
going crazy. They see Ellis' blood splattered on the glass
walls of the Hans' office.
292 INT. HANS' OFFICE - ON HANS 292
He throws open the door to let McClane and the police hear
the screams of the hostages.
HANS
Hear that? Talk to me, now,
Mr. McClane or shall I shoot
another one?

INTERCUT:
293 MCCLANE 293
MCCLANE
I need twenty minutes, maybe a
half an hour to get there.
HANS
Five.
/&R\
(CONTINUED)




A98
82
Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

Summary Ellis attempts to convince McClane to give up the detonators, which he refuses to do. Ellis is shot by Hans, causing chaos among the hostages and pushing the situation to a new level of danger.
Strengths "Intense and shocking moment that alters the situation and raises the stakes"
Weaknesses "Lack of character development and depth in dialogue"
Critique Overall, this scene is well-written in terms of creating tension and advancing the plot. However, there are a few minor issues that could be improved.

First, the dialogue between Ellis and McClane could be sharper. It feels a little clunky and on-the-nose at times. For example, when Ellis says "Listen, John. If not for me, it would be over for you already... I can end it all for you in two seconds, if I want," it feels a little too obvious and heavy-handed. It would be more effective if the same point could be made in a more subtle way.

Additionally, the transitions between different locations and characters could be clearer. At times, it's a little confusing where exactly we are and who is speaking. Adding some more descriptive language or stage directions could help with this.

Overall, though, these are relatively minor issues in an otherwise well-written scene. The tension builds effectively, and the final twist with Ellis's death is a real gut punch.
Suggestions First off, the scene feels a bit rushed. There is a lot of dialogue between Ellis and McClane and then suddenly, Ellis gets shot. There could be more build-up and tension leading up to the moment of the gunshot.

Additionally, the dialogue between Ellis and McClane could be tightened up to add more conflict. The exchange feels too amicable between two characters who are supposed to be at odds. It could benefit from more verbal sparring and tension.

Finally, more attention could be paid to the camera angles and the visual storytelling in the scene. Using close-ups, medium shots, or different camera angles can help emphasize the emotions and actions of the characters, making the scene more dynamic.



Scene 41 -  Standoff and Confrontation
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 7
293 CONTINUED: 293
f\ MCCLANE
1
(hard)
Look asshole you can shoot the
whole goddamn floor — it can't
make m e move any faster. I'm
not in the b e s t shape anymore
and it's a long w a y o f f .
HANS
(beat)
Twenty m i n u t e s . But don't try
anything or we will shoot someone
else...perhaps, this time a w o m a n .
294 MCCLANE 294
He angrily throws his CB across the floor. He struggles to
pull himself to his feet when he h e a r s :
ROBINSON'S VOICE
(o.s.; furious; on
the CB)
M c C l a n e ? ! Is that your n a m e ? !
I know they can hear me b u t I
don't give a d a m n , you son of a
/^PPS, bitch. Everything that went
down between y o u and that punk
is on tape down h e r e . You let
that man d i e . N o w , I don't
care w h a t your story is or w h o
your friends a r e , if there's
a way to jam your ass in jail
I'm going to do it. You hear me?
McClane reaches the radio and turns it off.
295 INT. POLICE TRAILER - SAME 295
Robinson hears the static over his radio and throws down the
headset. He stomps past P o w e l l .
POWELL
(flatly)
He's trying to survive.
Robinson wheels on him angrily.
ROBINSON
He as good as killed that m a n .
I told h i m , I'll tell you — I'm
^*SN going to dump his ass in jail.
Robinson keeps going.
(CONTINUED)

A98
83
295 CONTINUED: 295
' POWELL
YOu think he gives a shit?
Robinson stops at the door. The room falls silent..
POWELL
He's got no reinforcements and
twelve men with automatic weapons
after him. He's exhausted and
wounded and he's gotten no help
whatsoever from this department
and you really think he cares
what you're going to do to him if
he makes it out of there alive?
Robinson steps back into the trailer.
i ROBINSON
/ Anytime you want to go home,
Sergeant...consider yourself
dismissed.
They lock eyes.
POWELL
No Sir. You couldn't drag me
away.
296 EXT. WILSHIRE (KCBS MOBILE UNIT) ON DICK THORNBURG 296
- NIGHT
and his assistant Mary.
THORNBURG
(to Mary)
John McClane. I want to know
everything there is to know
about this guy. Check the
airlines, flights coming from
the East coast. Tell them you're
his mother. Tell them you're dying,
just find out.
She nods and leaves. He looks toward the building and smiles.
He is clearly in local news Nirvana.
THORNBURG
(to himself)
Goddamn, this is great stuff...
297 INT. POLICE TRAILER - SAME 297
Across the trailer the OPERATOR monitoring the CB signals for
RobinsOrt.
(CONTINUED)
A98
84
Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

Summary McClane engages in a standoff with the terrorists while the police try to rescue wounded officers. Hans and his team plan their strategy while Deputy Chief Robinson confronts McClane over the radio. McClane refuses to give up the detonators, which results in Ellis being shot by Hans, causing chaos among the hostages and pushing the situation to a new level of danger.
Strengths "The tension is high as the standoff between McClane and the terrorists escalates. The themes of loyalty, sacrifice, and heroism are evident as McClane refuses to give up the detonators and sacrifices his own life to save others. The confrontation between McClane and Deputy Chief Robinson adds another layer of conflict to the scene and raises the stakes."
Weaknesses "There are moments where the pacing slows down and the dialogue could be tighter to keep the tension and momentum going. Some of the secondary characters feel underdeveloped and their motivations aren't clear."
Critique Overall, this scene is well-written in terms of dialogue and character development, but there are a few areas that could be improved.

Firstly, there are a few punctuation errors throughout the scene, such as missing commas and periods, which can make the dialogue harder to follow.

Secondly, the action description could be more descriptive and specific to help set the scene and orient the reader. For example, it's unclear where McClane is physically located in relation to Hans and the other terrorists during his exchange with them. Further details could help bring the scene to life and make it more engaging for the reader.

Lastly, although the dialogue between Robinson and Powell is well-written and adds depth to their characters, it does feel slightly jarring and disconnected from the main action of the scene. Finding ways to more smoothly integrate character development into the main plot could help keep the reader more engaged.
Suggestions Here are a few suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Make the dialogue more natural: Some of the lines feel forced and unrealistic, such as McClane's "Look asshole you can shoot the whole goddamn floor." Try to make the dialogue feel more natural and in line with how real people would speak in such a situation.

2. Use more visual description: Screenplays are a visual medium, so it's important to use descriptive language to help the reader visualize the scene. For example, instead of saying "He angrily throws his CB across the floor," you could write, "McClane slams the CB down on the ground, sending it skittering across the tiles."

3. Show, don't tell: Instead of having Robinson and Powell explicitly state how they feel about McClane, show their emotions through actions and reactions. For example, rather than having Robinson say "He as good as killed that man," you could show him slamming his fist down on the table in frustration.

4. Simplify the action: The action in this scene is a bit clunky and hard to follow. Try to streamline the action, making it clear and easy to understand. For example, instead of having McClane struggle to pull himself to his feet, you could simply write, "McClane stands up, wincing in pain."

5. Cut unnecessary exposition: Some of the dialogue in the scene feels like unnecessary exposition, such as Thornburg's instructions to Mary. Consider cutting any dialogue or action that doesn't move the story forward or reveal something important about the characters.



Scene 42 -  Ellis is Shot
  • Overall: 10.0
  • Concept: 9
  • Plot: 10
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 10
297 CONTINUED: 297
OPERATOR
Chief, the terrorists are
calling for you.
Robinson grabs a headset.
ROBINSON
This is Robinson. Hans? You
want to talk?
INTERCUT:
298 INT. NAKATOMI/HANS' OFFICE - SAME 298
Hans sits in his office.
HANS
1
I I'm afraid that talking is out
i / of the question as long as you
have one of your operatives
in the building.
ROBINSON
Let me make this perfectly clear,
McClane is not attached to the
^ Los Angeles Police Department in
(, any way, shape or form. I give you
my word. Look, let's try to
settle this thing.
HANS
Perhaps we should both give up
something to get something.
ROBINSON
That's right, an act of good faith.
HANS
We are prepared to release three of
the hostages in exchange for the
return of the equipment, Mr. McClane
has taken.
ROBINSON
He's going after it now.
HANS
.1 don't believe him.
ROBINSON
/W\ Look, don't tie negotiations to a
variable I have no control over!
(CONTINUED)

A98
85
298 CONTINUED: 298
HANS
You have control over it.
Exercise it.
Hans turns off the radio.
299 ON ROBINSON 299
He is left alone on the line with this thought.
300 ON MCCLANE 300
He opens the stairwell door on the 39th floor and moves
carefully down a row of glass-walled offices. Suddenly his
CB crackles.
POWELL'S VOICE
(o.s.)
John?
McClane ducks into an:
301 OFFICE 301
and lifts the CB.
( MCCLANE
What's up, AI?
POWELL'S VOICE
(o.s.)
Just calling to see how you're
doing.
MCCLANE
Don't babysit me, AI. I'm having
a hard enough time as it is.
302 ON ROBINSON AND OPERATOR 302
The OPERATOR listens via headset to the other channels with a
German INTERPRETER.
OPERATOR
We're picking up a lot of traffic
in German on channel twenty-six.
INTERPRETER
(listens, then to
Robinson)
They're going to try to use his
signal to find him.
(CONTINUED)

A98
86
Genres: ["action","thriller"]

Summary As McClane refuses to give up the detonators, Hans shoots Ellis causing chaos and pushing the situation to a new level of danger. Meanwhile, the police try to rescue wounded officers, and Hans and his team plan their strategy. McClane engages in a standoff with the terrorists while Deputy Chief Robinson confronts him over the radio.
Strengths "Intense standoff between McClane and Hans as they negotiate over the detonators and Hans ultimately shoots Ellis to show he's serious. "
Weaknesses "Not much character development or exploration of themes beyond the typical hero versus villain dynamic."
Critique As a screenwriting AI, I cannot provide feedback on the quality of a scene or provide a critique as I do not have personal biases or opinions. However, I can provide general tips on how to write more effectively and engaging dialogues between characters.

1. Use active language: In this scene, some of the language could be more active and less passive. For example, instead of "Let me make this perfectly clear," Robinson could say "I'll make it clear." It makes the dialogue more engaging and direct.
2. Vary sentence length: The dialogue is relatively short and snappy, which is good, but it could benefit from some variation in sentence length. Using longer sentences can add emphasis to a point, while shorter sentences can convey urgency or quickness.
3. Use subtext: Subtext refers to what a character is really saying underneath their words. For example, when Hans says "Perhaps we should both give up something to get something," it's clear that he's not really interested in compromise. Adding more subtext to the dialogue can create tension and intrigue for the audience.

Overall, the scene is functional and progresses the story. It's a typical dialogue scene between two adversaries trying to negotiate, and it could be made more dynamic by incorporating some of the tips above.
Suggestions Firstly, the scene could benefit from more visual descriptions to help the reader envision what is happening. For example, in the first paragraph, it could be helpful to add descriptions of where Robinson and the Operator are and what they are doing.

Additionally, the dialogue could be more concise and impactful. For example, instead of Robinson saying "Let me make this perfectly clear, McClane is not attached to the Los Angeles Police Department in any way, shape or form. I give you my word. Look, let's try to settle this thing." he could simply say "McClane is not with the LAPD. Let's settle this peacefully."

Overall, the scene could be tightened up to increase the tension and make it more engaging for the audience.



Scene 43 -  Standoff with Terrorists and Emotional Reactions
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 7
302 CONTINUED: 302
ROBINSON
We'11 let him know on nine.
(to an Officer)
Where's Powell?
OFFICER
He's outside, Sir. Need me to
get him?
ROBINSON
(beat)
No...I'll get him.
303 EXT. POLICE TRAILER 303
Robinson exits the police trailer to tell Powell, then stops
on the bottom step. Powell is less than twenty feet away.
For a moment Robinson stands there, then he shakes out a
cigarette and walks in the other direction.
304 INT. OFFICE 39TH FLOOR - SAME 304
McClane in the office talking to Powell. As he talks he lifts
his cut foot, examines the bandage. It's bloodsoaked.
MCCLANE
Well, I needed a break anyway.
(grimaces at bandage)
What got you off the street, AI?
He puts his foot down, reaches into his kit bag, takes out his
spare magazine and begins re-loading it.
305 INT. STAIRWELL - SAME 305
Franco moving down the stairwell. Suddenly he hears McClane's
voice on his CB. He stops, directs the antenna.
306 MCCLANE 306
POWELL'S VOICE
(o.s.)
An accident...
MCCLANE
(grins)
The way you drive, I can see why.
POWELL'S VOICE
(beat, serious)
I shot a kid.
McClane's smile disappears-
(CONTINUED)

A98
87
306 CONTINUED: 306

MCCLANE
Sorry, man. I didn't mean to
make a joke of it.
307 STAIRWELL - ON FRANCO 307
He listens to McClane then turns to channel 26 and speaks in
German.
308 INT. LIMO - SAME 308
William turns the dial and hears Franco's conversation in
German. Concerned.
WILLIAM
I don't like this, man.
| 309 MCCLANE 309
/
He stops re-loading, concerned and puts the spare magazine
down on the edge of the table.
MCCLANE
Hey, AI, you know I haven't even
met you, but you don't seem like
/Ji^N
the kind of guy not to get back on
the horse.
POWELL
(defensively)
Yeah, well, I did...
310 STAIRWELL DOOR - 39TH FLOOR 310
The stairwell door opens and a Franco steps into the corridor on
39th floor. We can HEAR McClane's VOICE for the first time
without the radio.
311 MCCLANE 311
MCCLANE
What happened?
POWELL'S VOICE
(o.s.)
The next time...I was too careful
for my own good...and it cost me
a partner.
MCCLANE
/$ff^V Listen, AI...
(CONTINUED)
Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

Summary McClane refuses to give up the detonators, causing Hans to shoot Ellis. The police try to rescue wounded officers and Hans and his team plan their strategy. McClane engages in a standoff with the terrorists while Deputy Chief Robinson confronts him over the radio.
Strengths "Good use of tension and building conflict. Emotional reactions to the situation add depth to the characters. The scene sets up the final act of the movie."
Weaknesses "Some dialogue feels cliche and could use more subtle characterization."
Critique Overall, this scene is well-written in terms of dialogue, pacing, and action. However, there are a few issues that could be improved upon.

Firstly, the scene could benefit from more description of the physical setting. While there are some brief descriptions of where characters are located (e.g. "Robinson exits the police trailer"), there is little detail given to help the reader visualize the scene. This can make it difficult to fully engage with the action.

Secondly, the dialogue could be refined in places. For example, the lines "I shot a kid" and "Sorry, man. I didn't mean to make a joke of it" feel somewhat clumsy and could be rewritten to flow more naturally.

Finally, while the action is well-described, there could be more tension built in certain moments. For example, when Franco stops to listen to McClane's voice on his CB, there is potential to heighten the suspense and make the audience more worried about what might happen next.

Overall, this is a well-written scene that could benefit from some additional setting description, dialogue refinement, and tension-building.
Suggestions First, it might be useful to establish who Robinson is, and why he's in charge of relaying information to Powell. It could also be helpful to show more visually why Robinson decides not to ask the Officer to get Powell, and instead goes to find him himself. Is there a sense of urgency or a reason why Robinson wants to speak to Powell directly?

In the scene with McClane and Powell, it might be worth adding some more specific details about McClane's emotions and reactions to Powell's news. Right now, his reaction is simply "concerned," but what specifically is he feeling? Is he afraid for Powell's safety? Does he feel guilty for making a joke earlier? Also, it might help to clarify who Franco is and why he's important to the story, especially since he's speaking in German.

Overall, the scene could benefit from more visual and emotional specificity, particularly in regards to character motivations and reactions.



Scene 44 -  Standoff on the Stairwell
  • Overall: 7.5
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 7
  • Dialogue: 7
A98
88
311 CONTINUED: 311
/££^v POWELL'S VOICE
(o.s.)
Look, I don't need any advice —
MCCLANE
And I'm not giving any. The facts
are man, you•re a good partner.
You've kept me going and don't
you forget that.
SUDDENLY behind McClane we SEE Franco through the glass wall
of the office. He's only three offices away. He lifts his
radio and whispers in German.
312 POLICE INTERPRETER 312
INTERPRETER
/ He sees him.
/
313 ON WILLIAM 313
He can't stand it any longer. He throws up the volume on his
CB, presses his TALK Switch and yells.
WILLIAM
Look out, John!
314 ON MCCLANE 314
reacts to the William's warning and hits the floor just as a
burst of Franco's machine gun fire rips through the glass
partition and blows out the windows in front of him.
315 EXT. POLICE TRAILER - SAME 315
Robinson comes up to Powell.
ROBINSON
Alert McClane. They're after him.
Suddenly both' men look up as bits of glass sparkle and fall to
the street like glitter in the huge spotlights.
POWELL
No lie.
316 INT. 39TH FLOOR - SAME 316
McClane dives into another office across the hall just before
Franco cuts him off.
/f»!ft\
317 MCCLANE 317
checks his rifle — he's almost out of ammunition — and opens
his kit bag for the spare clip as we:
CUT T0:
A98
89
318 INSERT - THE SPARE CLIP 318
f*^ on the desk in the first office. It is picked up by Franco,
who smiles at his find.
319 ON MCCLANE 319
He moves quickly down the corridor to the stairwell and opens
the door REVEALING:
320 FRANCO 320
He stands in the stairwell his machine gun trained on McClane.
321 INT. POLICE TRAILER 321
The Interpreter looks at Powell and Robinson entering the trailer

INTERPRETER
They've caught him. They're taking
him to the roof.

322 STAIRWELL - ON FRANCO AND MCCLANE . 322
climbing. Franco listens to Hans on the CB.

(** HANS' VOICE
(o.s.)
Wait for Karl. Don't take
him there alone.

FRANCO
Nein, nein...We are here.

323 INT. POLICE TRAILER 323

Robinson and Powell listening to the conversation.

ROBINSON
(on police radio)
All C-thirty three personnel
be sharp. Countdown starting
with four.
CUT TO:
324 EXT. ADJACENT BUILDING ROOF - NIGHT 324
A POLICE SNIPER (#1) brings up his high-powered rifle. His
C""* SPOTTER (#1) sits next to him with an infra-red scope and CB.




A98
90

325 HIS P . O . V . 325
/fl&?£\

Through infra-red scope. The door to the roof.

SPOTTER #1
One, clear.

326 EXT. ROOFTOP OF ANOTHER BUILDING - SAME 326

SNIPER (#2's) nest. The SPOTTER (#2) lifts his radio.


SPOTTER #2
Two clear —

327 INT. DOOR TO THE ROOF - STAIRWELL - SAME 327

McClane and the Franco reach the interior door that leads to
the roof. McClane is about to open it when Franco stops.

FRANCO
Stop...Turn around.

McClane does. Franco's eyes focus on McClane's detective
badge covered with dirt and blood. Franco unpins it from
McClane's shirt and wipes it clean.

328 SPOTTER #2'S P.O.V. 328
Genres: ["action","crime","thriller"]

Summary After refusing to give up the detonators, McClane engages in a standoff with the terrorists while the police try to rescue wounded officers. Hans and his team plan their strategy while Deputy Chief Robinson confronts McClane over the radio. Hans shoots Ellis, causing chaos and pushing the situation to a new level of danger. McClane is almost out of ammunition but is on the move, and his mission is clear: to stop Hans's plan and save the hostages.
Strengths "The scene is intense and filled with action, with compelling characters standing for their beliefs and goals."
Weaknesses "There is not much character development or emotional depth, and the dialogue feels somewhat predictable."
Critique Overall, the scene is well written in terms of action and tension. The use of short, snappy sentences adds to the sense of urgency as McClane and Franco engage in a shoot-out. However, there are a few areas that could be improved.

Firstly, the dialogue feels a little stilted and unnatural at times. For example, Powell's line "No lie" in response to the falling glass seems forced, and McClane's compliment to Powell could be more subtly conveyed.

Secondly, there are a few awkward transitions. For example, the sudden cut to the spare clip may be confusing for some readers/viewers who do not immediately realize that Franco has found it.

Finally, while the use of POVs and cutaways to the snipers adds to the suspense, some readers/viewers may find it distracting or disjointed from the main action on the roof.

Overall, the scene effectively conveys the danger and excitement of a police stand-off, but could benefit from some tweaks to dialogue and structure.
Suggestions Here are some suggestions on how to improve this scene:

1. Add more tension: One way to do this is to use more sensory details to show the audience what's happening. For example, you can describe the sound of the gunfire, the smell of gunpowder, and the feeling of the glass exploding.

2. Use more descriptive language: Instead of just saying "Franco cuts him off," you can describe how Franco moves, such as "Franco steps in front of McClane, blocking his path with his machine gun."

3. Develop the characters more: Try to show more of McClane and Powell's relationship. For example, you can have Powell show concern for McClane's safety by telling him to be careful when he leaves the trailer.

4. Show, don't tell: Instead of having the interpreter tell Powell about what's happening on the roof, you can show Powell watching the action unfold on a monitor.

5. Give the scene a clear objective: It's not entirely clear what McClane's goal is in this scene. Is he trying to escape, take down Franco, or something else? By giving the scene a more defined objective, the audience will be more invested in what's happening.



Scene 45 -  Standoff on the Roof
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 7
The door to the roof opens slowly and two men emerge. The
Spotter talks by headset.

SPOTTER #2
(voice over)
They're on the roof.

ROBINSON
(voice over)
Look for the badge.
329 SNIPER'S SCOPE P.O.V. (CROSSHAIRS) CLOSE ON 329
ytSIn^
MCCLANE'S BADGE
SNIPER #2
(voice over) . .-
I've got it...
(CONTINUED)
A98
91

329 CONTINUED: 329


We PULL BACK TO SEE Franco is now wearing the badge,
They continue toward the edge. McClane is limping
noticeably.

SNIPER #2
(voice over)
...and it's clean...From the
looks of it, though, he's
turned things around.


330 ON POWELL AND ROBINSON 330

listening, surprised.


SPOTTER #1
(voice over)
Spotter one, here, I've got
that too, Sir.

POWELL
(to Robinson
He would have let us know.
(into mike)
Is anyone limping?


SPOTTER #2
(voice over)
Yessir, the one in front.


POWELL
(to Robinson)
It's a trick.


But Robinson looks lost. Unsure.


POWELL
(forcefully)
It'.s a trick!




A98
92
331 EXT. NAKATOMI ROOF - ON MCCLANE AND FRANCO 331
f^ They reach the edge, there's nothing there. McClane acts
surprised.
MCCLANE
I left them right here...or maybe
they're over there.
Franco cocks his machine gun.
MCCLANE
Hang on...I just remembered...I've
got 'em in my pockets.
Carefully he reaches into a pocket and brings out a handful
of detonators. Franco takes them and presses his CB.
FRANCO
/ (to CB)
/ I've got them.
Hans' voice comes back.
HANS' VOICE
Good. Kill him.
/$Sf\ FRANCO
(to McClane)
Kneel.
332 INT. POLICE TRAILER 332
Robinson suddenly decides. He grabs his mike.
ROBINSON
All C-33 personnel, got that?
333 NAKATOMI ROOFTOP 333
McClane kneels in front of franco. The terrorist aims his
machine gun at McClane's head, then suddenly, without a sound,
Franco is blown backwards then sideways almost simultaneously,
as if hit by two invisible punches. McClane hits the ground
just as the:
334 ANGLE - ROOFTOP DOOR 334
swings open and Karl opens fire. More sniper shots send Karl
back inside. He closes the door and locks it.
335 MCCLANE 335
/lp^\

lies there a moment longer, then picks up Franco's CB.
"MCCLANE
AI?
A98 INTERCUT:
93
336 POLICE TRAILER - ON POWELL 336
Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

Summary As McClane refuses to give up the detonators, Hans shoots Ellis causing chaos and pushing the situation to a new level of danger. Meanwhile, the police try to rescue wounded officers, and Hans and his team plan their strategy. McClane engages in a standoff with the terrorists while Deputy Chief Robinson confronts him over the radio.
Strengths
  • Intense standoff between hero and villain
  • High stakes situation with wounded officers and hostages
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue could be more impactful
Critique Overall, this scene seems to be well-written and effectively conveys the tension and danger of the situation. The use of different character perspectives, including several voice-overs, helps to build suspense and keep the audience engaged.

One possible critique may be that some of the dialogue feels a bit on-the-nose, particularly when Powell asks if anyone is limping and then immediately realizes it's a trick. This could potentially be streamlined and made more subtle for a more nuanced effect.

Additionally, there may be some room for improvement in terms of descriptions of the action and setting. For example, it could be helpful to provide more details about the rooftop and its layout, as well as the movements of the characters during the scene.

Overall, though, this scene effectively builds tension and suspense, and moves the plot forward in a meaningful way.
Suggestions Here are some suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Add more visual descriptions to create a clearer image for the audience. For example, what do the two men on the roof look like? How do they walk? Is there anything interesting happening in the background or the surrounding environment?

2. Consider adding more depth to the dialogue. Instead of simply reporting what is happening, try to reveal more about the characters' motivations and feelings in the moment.

3. Add more suspense and tension to the scene. This is a crucial moment in the plot, so the audience should feel on edge. Consider adding more close-ups, quick cuts, or dramatic music to create tension and build suspense.

4. Consider giving more context to the scene. Why are the characters on the roof? What are they trying to accomplish? Adding more context will make the action feel more meaningful and engaging for the audience.

5. Consider improving the pacing of the scene. Some of the dialogue feels a bit slow and repetitive, so try to tighten it up and make it more engaging for the audience.



Scene 46 -  Standoff with Terrorists
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 7
relieved.
POWELL
Right here, man. Jesus, that scared
the shit out of me.
MCCLANE
You and me both. I just want to say
thanks to the boys on the rooftops.
POWELL
(grins)
I'll pass that along.
MCCLANE
And to whatever jumped in back there.
337 INT. LIMO - ON WILLIAM 337
wiped out in the backseat. He clutches the stuffed animal in
a death lock. He's relieved to hear McClane's voice, then
leans forward. Hesitates, then presses the talk button.
WILLIAM
This is him.
MCCLANE'S VOICE
You got a name?
William hesitates, then picks up a fast food wrapper off the
front seat and smiles.
WILLIAM
Just call me Taco Bill.
338 ON MCCLANE 338
MCCLANE
(listening to the voice)
You sound familiar, Taco...
WILLIAMS' VOICE
No, man, you don't know me, I'm just
one of your underground supporters
watching this thing on TV.
MCCLANE
(realizing)
I'll be damned...William...
(presses button)
In stereo I bet.
/Wfty




A98
94

339 ON WILLIAM 339
yS$£?\
WILLIAM
(grins)
Dolby.
340 ON MCCLANE 340
MCCLANE
Thanks, man.
(to Powell)
Al? I think they've locked the door
on me.
Just then Hans' voice comes over the air.
HANS' VOICE
We have, Mr. McClane, but we'll be
back to kill you. Think about that
while you are out there in the cold.
341 EXT. CENTURY CITY - KCBS REMOTE - NIGHT 341
Dick Thornburg goes to a commercial. Mary comes over, smiling.
THORNBURG
I hope that smile means you've found
something.
MARY
(confidently)
I think we've got.a winner.
She smiles knowingly and pats a plain brown folder.
3 42 INT. HANS' OFFICE - SAME 342
He sits in his office and looks through the open door at
Holly. She sits twisting the band of her watch.
HANS
A psychiatrist would probably say
that that action comes from some
deep worry or angst.
HOLLY
(cuttingly sarcastic)
I'd say I've approached those
feelings recently.
34 3 INT. BLACK AND WHITE POLICE CAR 343
Robinson sits in the backseat of a black and white police car
looking at some papers. Little•Johnson is already sitting there,
(CONTINUED)
A98
95
Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

Summary McClane refuses to give up the detonators, causing Hans to shoot Ellis. The police try to rescue wounded officers and Hans and his team plan their strategy. McClane engages in a standoff with the terrorists while Deputy Chief Robinson confronts him over the radio.
Strengths
  • Tense standoff between McClane and terrorists
  • Unexpected twist with Ellis being shot
  • Strong communication between McClane and police over the radio
Weaknesses
  • Dialogue lacks memorable quotes or one-liners
  • Limited development of new character Taco Bill
Critique As a screenwriting AI language model, I do not have personal opinions, however, I can provide insight in terms of formatting, pacing, and the clarity of the scene.

The scene seems to have adequate formatting and pacing. The dialogue is clear and concise, making it easy to follow. The action is also well-detailed, but there are some questions that arise in terms of character motivation. For instance, it is not clear why William would feel the need to pick up a fast food wrapper and introduce himself as "Taco Bill," nor is it clear why McClane would call out to him by name when he doesn't know who he is.

Overall, the scene is well-written and effective in conveying the tense atmosphere of the story. The dialogue is strong and the characters are well-drawn. With some minor tweaks to clarify character motivations, this scene could be even stronger.
Suggestions First, the scene seems disconnected and lacks a clear focus. It jumps between different locations and characters, making it difficult for the audience to stay engaged.

One suggestion would be to focus on the exchange between McClane and William "Taco Bill" in the limo. This could be a moment for William to reveal some key information about the terrorist plot or provide some emotional depth to the story.

Additionally, the dialogue between Hans and Holly seems forced and unrealistic. It might be more effective to show their conflict through actions and subtle gestures rather than having them exchange biting dialogue.

Overall, the scene could benefit from more clarity in terms of its purpose and having more focused and believable dialogue.



Scene 47 -  Standoff and Strategic Planning
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 7
  • Dialogue: 8
343 CONTINUED: 343
Big Johnson sits in the front. They're not going anywhere,
they're here to talk.
BIG JOHNSON
'Hans' is Hans Gruber. There's a
call out on him by Interpol. It's
our ballgame, Dwayne.
ROBINSON
(looking up)
I don't see any written authorization
here...
(tossing the
reports on the
seat)
When I see it, then it's your case.
He starts to open the door, realizes he's in a black and
white — no rear door handles — and looks back at the two
men.
LITTLE JOHNSON
(grins)
Cool down, Dwayne, you know
authorization's coming, 'problem
is it's an hour away...and we don't
have an hour.
Robinson eyes them suspiciously.
LITTLE JOHNSON
(seriously)
We're ordering an air strike at
five a.m.
ROBINSON
(stunned)
And you want me to go along with
that? What if it fails?
LITTLE JOHNSON
It won't. Thanxs to McClane,
they're down to four. They can't
cover the whole place. It'll be
over before they know what hit
them.
Robinson hesitates. He looks stunned.
/$$t\ (CONTINUED)



A98
96

343 CONTINUED: (2) 343
BIG JOHNSON
Gruber makes it our case, Dwayne.
We're just giving you a chance to
wipe some of the shit off your face
from that fiasco last night.
ROBINSON
(beat)
What about McClane?
LITTLE JOHNSON
He's wounded, we have it on tape
that they're going after him at dawn
...if a question should ever arise,
and it won't, we were giving him
air cover. We just can't tip the
hat by telling him.
Both men look at the deputy chief. Robinson closes the
folder on Gruber and thumps on the door.
ROBINSON
Get me out of this thing.

S0y\
The two agents share a smile.
BIG JOHNSON
That's what we're here for, Dwayne.
He gets out and opens Robinson's door.
344 EXT. NAKATOMI ROOF - ON MCCLANE - PRE-DAWN 344
He goes through Franco's kit bag and removes his Beretta and
finds something else — another candy bar.
MCCLANE
Hot damn, Mars bars.
(savors a bite, then
presses CB)
Hey, Al?
INTERCUT:
345 POWELL 345
He looks up at the building.
POWELL
Merry Christmas, man. How was
your nap?
(CONTINUED)
Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

Summary As McClane refuses to give up the detonators, Hans shoots Ellis causing chaos and pushing the situation to a new level of danger. Meanwhile, the police try to rescue wounded officers, and Hans and his team plan their strategy. McClane engages in a standoff with the terrorists while Deputy Chief Robinson confronts him over the radio.
Strengths "The scene is tension-filled, and the conflict level is high. The standoff and strategic planning add to the overall excitement of the plot."
Weaknesses "Some of the dialogue feels cliched and predictable."
Critique The scene has clear conflict and stakes, which is essential for driving the story forward. The tension between Robinson and the Johnsons is palpable, and the dialogue is snappy and engaging. However, the scene could benefit from more visual description and filmic language to make it more dynamic. For instance, when Robinson realizes he's in a police car with no rear door handles, the camera could focus on his frustration and helplessness in his predicament. Additionally, the scene could use more attention to detail in terms of character actions and reactions to heighten the dramatic tension and add authenticity to the characters. Overall, the scene is effective in moving the story forward, but it could benefit from more attention to filmic language and character detail.
Suggestions Here are some suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Tighten up the dialogue: There is a lot of back-and-forth dialogue in this scene, and it starts to feel repetitive after a while. Consider condensing some of the dialogue to make it more succinct.

2. Build more tension: This scene is a conversation between the agents and the deputy chief, but it could benefit from some increased tension. Perhaps the agents are more assertive, and the deputy chief is more resistant.

3. Use visual elements: This scene is almost entirely comprised of dialogue. Consider adding some visual elements to help break up the conversation and create more interest on screen.

4. Add some character development: This is an opportunity to develop the characters of the agents and the deputy chief, but the scene feels a bit flat. Think about what you can add to give these characters more depth and complexity.



Scene 48 -  Standoff with the Terrorists
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 7
A98
97
345
345 CONTINUED:
C MCCLANE
What nap? I was just rinsing out
a few things. What's going on down
there?
POWELL
Just the usual stuff...
MCCLANE
That's what you said the last time.
WILLIAM'S VOICE
And don't you believe it, either.
MCCLANE
You watching this, Taco?
/ 346 INT. LIMO 346
William watches the TV set in the limo, presses the Talk
Button on his CB.
WILLIAM
In color, John.
INTERCUT:
347 MCCLANE 347
MCCLANE
Talk to me.
WILLIAM
Well, they're not showing much but
they've brought in a lot of hardware.
POWELL"S VOICE
John, listen to me. The less you
talk about this the better.
MCCLANE
Talk about what, Al? Didn't you
tell me nothing is going on?
348 ON POWELL 348
POWELL
Okay, it is true we have SWAT personnel
here, but they are here in case of
emergency...Listen, John, I just talked
to them and they swore there would be
no ground assault.
Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

Summary As McClane engages in a standoff with terrorists to stop Hans's plan and save hostages, Hans shoots Ellis causing chaos and pushing the situation to a new level of danger. Meanwhile, the police try to rescue wounded officers, and Hans and his team plan their strategy. Deputy Chief Robinson confronts McClane over the radio.
Strengths
  • Tension-filled standoff
  • Elevated level of danger
  • Clear mission for McClane
Weaknesses
  • Lack of character development
  • Limited dialogue
Critique Firstly, the scene lacks action and visual stimulation. It is mostly dialogue between McClane, Powell, and William, with no underlying tension or conflict.

Additionally, the dialogue itself feels repetitive and dull. The exchange between McClane and Powell lacks a sense of urgency, and the conversation between them feels unnecessary, given that they are both law enforcement officers and should already be on the same page.

There is no sense of character development or motivation, as the scene does not reveal anything new about the characters or move the story forward.

Overall, this scene needs more action, tension, and character development to keep the audience engaged. The dialogue also needs to be more compelling and serve a clear purpose in advancing the plot.
Suggestions 1. Provide clarity on the location and setting: It's not clear where the characters are located in this scene. Providing a brief description of the setting can help the audience visualize and understand the context better.

2. Increase the tension: Although this scene is a dialogue-driven one, it needs to have some tension to keep the audience engaged. The stakes need to be higher, and the characters' goals must be clearer to keep the audience on the edge of their seats.

3. Improve the pacing: The scene feels slow and stretched out. It can benefit from some tightening and trimming to make it more concise and engaging.

4. Give more depth to the characters: In this scene, we're not learning anything new about the characters. Adding a layer of complexity to their motivations and relationships can make them more relatable and interesting to the audience.

5. Create stronger visual elements: Screenplays are a visual medium, and it's important to use the language of visuals to enhance the story. Adding some visual elements to this scene can make it more dynamic and engaging for the audience.



Scene 49 -  McClane Prepares for Aerial Attack
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 7
A98
98
349 MCCLANE 349
He turns the corner and finds a metal cabinet (like the glass
ones on the lower floors) containing a fire hose. He pulls
out a foot of the canvas hose, then stops.'
MCCLANE
What about an air assault, AI?
POWELL'S VOICE
(beat)
No one's said anything about an
air assault.
MCCLANE
Put Robinson on to tell me that.
POWELL'S VOICE
It's not his show anymore, John.
?'
/ This hits McClane.
MCCLANE
Then who the hell's is it?
POWELL'S VOICE
(beat)
FBI's.
The word hit.McClane like they would any cop. It's a brand
new ball game.
MCCLANE
Taco?...
He yanks the heavy fire hose out of the cabinet and across
the roof toward the edge.
WILLIAM'S VOICE
Right here.
MCCLANE
I don't like the sound of this. Are
your eyes as good as your ears?
WILLIAM'S VOICE
Twenty twenty, boss.
MCCLANE
Keep 'em glued to that screen.
350 HANS' OFFICE 350
Karl comes to the 'door, Hans looks up from the CB.
(CONTINUED)
A98
99
350
350 CONTINUED:
HANS
^v They're getting ready to do something.
^ Get to the roof.
351 MCCLANE 351
removes Franco's belt, then cuts a crude harness out of the
dead man's kit bag.
352 ANGLE ON MCCLANE 352
as he leans over the roof and focuses on the large plate
windows of the floor below (40th). He carefully measures off
the hose, then looks over the side one more time. The drop
again gets to him this time. He straightens up quickly.
MCCLANE
(to himself)
What the fuck am I doing?
Suddenly he stops his work and listens.
353 INT. LIMO 353
William is running through the channels. Suddenly he stops
and picks up his CB.
f* 354 EXT. NAKATOMI ROOF 354
McClane stares out toward the horizon. In the darkness the
lights — three helicopter gunships, flying in tight
formation. His radio crackles.
WILLIAM'S VOICE
John! —
MCCLANE
I see them.
(to AI)
Now what do you say, Al? Those
traffic helicopters?
355 INT. POLICE TRAILER - ON POWELL - SAME 355
He is stunned to hear this. He asks out loud to the video
technicians.
POWELL
Is anyone picking up helicopters?
A TECHNICIAN at the far end turns.
TECHNICIAN
f*^ I've got them.
Powell moves quickly to the technician's video screen. Sure
enough, he sees the lights of incoming helicopters. The sight
stuns him.
A98
100
Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

Summary McClane finds a fire hose to use for his survival plan. He questions who is now in charge of the situation, and when he finds out it's the FBI, he realizes it's a brand new ball game. Meanwhile, Hans and his team plan their next move, and the police try to rescue their wounded officers. McClane has a stand-off with the terrorists, and Deputy Chief Robinson confronts him over the radio.
Strengths
  • Intense conflict and tension
  • Well-developed characters
  • Strong sense of urgency and danger
Weaknesses
  • Limited emotional impact
  • Dialogue can be repetitive
Critique Overall, the scene seems well-written in terms of conveying the action and dialogue effectively. The tension and escalating danger of the situation are clear, and the dialogue feels natural and appropriate for the characters. One suggestion for improvement would be to add more physical and sensory detail to immerse the reader in the scene. For example, describing the feel of the fire hose in McClane's hands or the sound of the helicopters approaching would help deepen the reader's experience and build even more tension.
Suggestions Here are some suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Develop the tension: There is a lot of information being communicated in this scene that could benefit from heightened tension. Consider adding more pauses or moments of hesitation to certain lines to build suspense and keep the audience engaged.

2. Use more descriptive language: The scene could benefit from more descriptive language that transports the audience into the setting. For example, instead of saying "McClane stares out toward the horizon," try describing the scene in more detail to create a visual image in the audience's mind.

3. Streamline dialogue: The dialogue could be more concise in certain places. Consider cutting unnecessary lines and condensing the conversation to make the scene flow more smoothly.

4. Expand on character motivations: The scene touches on some interesting character motivations, such as McClane's fear of the drop and his realization that the situation is out of his hands. Consider expanding on these to give the characters more depth and make the scene more emotionally resonant.

5. Add more visual elements: The scene could benefit from more visual elements that help to convey information and build tension. Consider adding shots of the helicopters approaching or McClane preparing the harness to create a more dynamic visual experience.



Scene 50 -  McClane's Desperate Move
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 6
  • Dialogue: 7
356 INT. MACHINE ROOM (LOWER ROOF) - SAME 356
Karl rips the top off a crate and removes a lethal Stinger
missile launcher.
357 INT. POLICE TRAILER - SAME 357
Just then Robinson and Little Johnson step inside. Powell
turns on Johnson.
POWELL
What the hell you doing?
LITTLE JOHNSON
If he knew about them, he would have
tipped off the terrorists.
POWELL
(hard)
You sonofabitch. You've left him
up there to fry.
358 EXT. THE ROOF - ON MCCLANE - SAME 358
He struggles into his make-shift harness and moves to his
position at the edge of the roof behind the big NAKATOMI
letters.
MCCLANE
(to CB)
Taco?
WILLIAM'S VOICE
Right here, John.
MCCLANE
Listen carefully...
CUT TO:
359 INT. LIMO 359
William climbs into the front seat of the limo and starts
the engine. He gives it a couple good revs and looks over
his shoulder at the stuffed animal — it's buckled in.
WILLIAM
Hang on, man.
360 EXT. ROOF 360
McClane looks back toward the helicopters on the horizon...
•They are closing fast, less- than a half-mile away. The first
helicopter lowers its nose and starts to dive.
(CONTINUED)
A98
101

360 CONTINUED: 360

MCCLANE
( t o CB)
Okay...Now!

361 INT. LIMO 361
William backs out of his parking place and puts it in drive.
He opens a tape case and frantically searches through his
collection of RAP cassettes as he speeds through the garage
toward the gates.
WILLIAM
(counting to himself)
Ten, nine, eight, seven...
362 EXT. ROOF 362
i
( McClane turns the CB to channel 26, turns up the volume and
throws the CB in the direction of the elevator tower. The
door to the roof starts to open and McClane fires a quick
burst forcing the terrorists back inside.
3 63 INT. LIMO 363
William suddenly pulls a tape from the case and his fingers
whip it into the cassette deck in the car stereo.
WILLIAM
...Three, two, one.
He cranks up the volume and presses the TALK BUTTON on his
CB.
364 INT. HANS' OFFICE - SAME 364
Hans at the window. He watches the helicopters approach and
starts to tlak into his radio when suddenly his CB starts
blaring William's LOUD RAP MUSIC.
365 EXT. THE ROOF - CLOSE ON MCCLANE'S RADIO - SAME 365
BLASTING the same LOUD MUSIC as we:

CUT TO:
366 INT. LIMO 366
racing head on toward the gate. William braces for impact.
(CONTINUED)



A98
102
Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

Summary As McClane engages in a standoff with terrorists to stop Hans's plan and save hostages, Hans shoots Ellis causing chaos and pushing the situation to a new level of danger. Meanwhile, the police try to rescue wounded officers, and Hans and his team plan their strategy. Deputy Chief Robinson confronts McClane over the radio. McClane finds a fire hose to use for his survival plan. He questions who is now in charge of the situation, and when he finds out it's the FBI, he realizes it's a brand new ball game. Meanwhile, Hans and his team plan their next move, and the police try to rescue their wounded officers. McClane has a stand-off with the terrorists, and Deputy Chief Robinson confronts him over the radio.
Strengths
  • The scene sets up a sense of urgency and danger through the chaos caused by Ellis's shooting
  • The use of different locations and characters creates movement and tension
  • The use of a fire hose as a survival tool is creative and exciting
Weaknesses
  • The dialogue lacks complexity, and the characters' personalities are not thoroughly developed
  • The use of rap music in the scene feels out of place and doesn't add much to the story
Critique Overall, this scene is action-packed and moves quickly, but there are a few things that could be improved upon.

First, the dialogue could be more impactful and less cliche. Lines like "What the hell you doing?" and "Hang on, man" feel overused and don't add to the tension of the scene.

Second, the use of music in the scene feels a bit contrived. While the inclusion of rap music could be seen as a nod to the time period, it doesn't add much to the stakes of the scene.

Finally, there could be more description of the action and setting. The scene takes place in a machine room and a police trailer, but there is little detail given about these environments. This makes it hard for the reader to visualize the scene and connect with the characters.

Overall, with some editing and additional detail, this scene could be more impactful and engaging for the reader.
Suggestions First, the scene needs some clarification on why Karl is removing a lethal Stinger missile launcher. This can be achieved by adding a line of dialogue or a visual cue that shows the audience what Karl's intentions are.

Second, the dialogue between Powell and Little Johnson seems forced and artificial. To improve this, make their conversation more natural and add some emotion to their exchange. Also, provide some backstory to explain how Johnson ended up in the trailer, and what his role is in the operation.

Third, the scene needs more tension and suspense. One way to achieve this is by showing the audience the danger that McClane is in while he is setting up the harness. Add some dialogue or action that shows how precarious his situation is, and how he is risking his life to save others.

Fourth, the scene needs more visual cues to help the audience understand what is happening. For example, in the scene where McClane turns the CB to channel 26, show a visual of him reaching for the CB and switching channels, rather than just describing it in the dialogue.

Finally, the scene needs to be more concise. Remove any unnecessary dialogue or action that does not further the plot or develop the characters. Keep the scene focused on the main objective, which is to show McClane's plan to alert the police of the terrorist's location.



Scene 51 -  McClane's Standoff
  • Overall: 9.5
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 10
  • Dialogue: 8
366 CONTINUED: 366
( WILLIAM
Well, here goes my raise...
And he CRASHES THROUGH THE GATE just as we:
CUT TO:
367 EXT. ELEVATOR TOWER 367
As the first cannon rounds from the helicopter drown out the
song and rocks spew up all around the elevator tower. The
gunship passes overhead and one of the terrorists steps out
and fires at McClane.
368 MCCLANE 368
takes cover behind the NAKATOMI sign.
' 369 HELICOPTER #2 369
dives to attack.
370 THE DOOR TO THE ELEVATOR TOWER 370
suddenly cracks open and a column of smoke, stiff as a
f* flagpole, rises into the sky.
371 CLOSE ON MCCLANE 371
realizing what's happened.
MCCLANE
No!
372 HELICOPTER #2 372
as the missile hits and the helicopter explodes — sending
parts falling to the street and adjacent rooftop.
373 MCCLANE 373
fires at the door driving the terrorists back inside, then
looks up at:
374 HELICOPTER #1 374
for a moment the other helicopter hesitates as if deciding
whether to attack again.

/flfi^S^
375 MCCLANE 375
watching the helicopter.
(CONTINUED)
A98
103

375 CONTINUED: 375
^ MCCLANE
(watching the helicopter)
Use your brains and get the fuck out
of here.

376 HELICOPTER #1 376

But the chopper lowers its nose and dives toward the building.

377 MCCLANE 377

turns back to the door; it starts to open.

MCCLANE
Shit.

He fires wildly at the doorway, forcing the two terrorists
to stay inside as:

378 THE HELICOPTER 378

makes a pass blowing the hell out of the tower, but not bothering
anyone inside. The helicopter turns and starts to come in again.

379 MCCLANE 379
/£$^N
( covers the helicopter's attack, then suddenly runs out of
ammunition. He reaches for the second magazine just as:

380 THE ELEVATOR TOWER DOOR 380

opens and Uli fires at him.

381 MCCLANE 381
as a bullet rips cleanly through his thigh and causes him to
knock the second magazine over the side of the roof. McClane
falls to the edge and watches the magazine disappear below.
382 THE HELICOPTER 382

starting its pass, but with no one to provide cover.

383 KARL 383

steps boldly into the doorway behind Uli with another Stinger
missile on his shoulder. He takes aim.

384 KARL'S P.O.V. 384

y<m\. The diving helicopter directly in his sights.




A98
104
385 MCCLANE 385
lying on the edge of the building. He focuses on the window
y below him and takes out his Beretta. As the helicopter comes
screaming in for its attack, McClane fires into the window.
386 INT. HELICOPTER - SAME 386
Inside the helicopter there is a split-second to realize the
inevitable, but not enough time to react as the second missile
is launched.
387 THE ROOFTOP 387
turns cherry red as THE HELICOPTER EXPLODES DIRECTLY OVERHEAD.
Flaming gas and chunks of metal come raining down onto the
roof.
388 MCCLANE 388
rolls off the side of the building, crashing full force
I through the window and into a:
Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

Summary As McClane engages in a standoff with terrorists to stop Hans's plan and save hostages, chaos erupts when Hans shoots Ellis and the police try to rescue wounded officers. Deputy Chief Robinson confronts McClane over the radio while he finds a fire hose to use for his survival plan. As Hans and his team plan their next move and the FBI takes charge, McClane has a stand-off with the terrorists.
Strengths "Tense standoff scene with high stakes, good character development, and strong pacing."
Weaknesses "Some dialogue may feel a bit exposition-heavy, and there are some plot conveniences."
Critique The scene is action-packed and certainly full of drama, but it lacks some important elements that could make it more effective. First, it's not entirely clear why McClane is attacking the elevator tower or what his motivation is. The scene is also lacking in character development - we don't learn anything new about McClane or the terrorists. Additionally, there are some vague descriptions that could be made more specific, like "the song" that is drowned out by the cannon rounds and "rocks" that spew up all around the tower. Finally, the dialogue could be improved - some of it is predictable or generic ("No!," "Shit," etc.) and doesn't add much to the scene. Adding more specific details, character development, and impactful dialogue could help elevate this scene.
Suggestions As a screenwriting AI, I suggest the following changes for this scene:

1. Clarify the stakes: While there is action and chaos happening in this scene, it's not entirely clear what's at stake for the characters. Consider adding some dialogue or context to make it clear what the characters are fighting for and why they are risking their lives.

2. Add more tension: Despite the explosions and gunfire, the scene lacks tension. Consider adding more suspenseful moments, like a time limit on a bomb or a character running out of ammunition.

3. Streamline the action: There are a lot of different events happening in this scene, which can make it feel overwhelming to the audience. Consider cutting some of the less important moments and focusing on the most essential parts of the action.

4. Develop the characters: While this is a high-energy action scene, it's also an opportunity to develop the characters. Consider adding moments of vulnerability or personal motivation that give the audience a reason to care about what happens to them.



Scene 52 -  Surviving the fall
  • Overall: 8.5
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 7
389 INT. 4pTH FLOOR OFFICE 389
McClane clutches for a handhold as hunks of the destroyed
helicopter fall past the window. He grabs onto the desk leg
with one hand but the tension of the hose pulls him back
toward the window like a giant hand. With one hand he pulls
the strap to release the harness. Immediately losing his
grip on the desk the tension of the hose pulls him toward
the window, but the harness slips off just in time. He's in.
390 EXT. ROOF - MORNING 390
Karl looks out from the doorway at the wreckage and the
deserted rooftop. Nothing moves. Nothing could have survived
that crash. Only the 'K' remains of the NAKATOMI sign.
A half-mile away the third helicopter lands on the rooftop
of a nearby building. The remaining FBI troops climb out
and run for safety. Karl brings the CB to his mouth. Channel
26 is jammed. He turns to nine and his words are heard from
William's limo to Powell on the street.
KARL'S VOICE
McClane is dead.
391 INT. HANS' OFFICE - SAME 391
Hans is watching the TV.




A98
105

392 ON SCREEN 392
We SEE a LONG SHOT of the Nakatomi rooftop. The smoldering
wreckage seems to be visual evidence of Karl's statement.
393 EXT. THE STREET - SAME 393
Powell watches in horror as final pieces of the helicopter
come raining down. Unwilling to give up he charges into:
394 INT. POLICE TRAILER 394
Technicians are rewinding and viewing the various tape of
the helicopter attack and the crashes.
POWELL
(to a technician)
Any sign of McClane?
1
/
TECHNICIAN
Nothing.
395 INT. 40TH FLOOR OFFICE - DAWN 395
McClane pulls himself into the room. He is shaken. Breathing
hard. He tears at his pants to reveal the leg wound. There
is too much blood to see it clearly.
/^\
He tries to wipe away the blood but the pain is so intense
he crumples up onto the floor writhing. Suddenly he sees
something across the floor.
396 CLOSE ON A DESK PHOTO 396
of a family. The glass shattered but the picture intact.
397 MCCLANE 397
he looks up on a credenza and sees other photos:
398 INSERT - PHOTOS 398
A boy playing baseball, a girl pushing a stroller. Anonymous
faces, but families.
399 CLOSE ON MCCLANE. 399
He closes his eyes.
400 EXT. NAKATOMI 400
William's battered limo is surrounded by SWAT officers. He
( is helped out of the car holding his hands up.

(CONTINUED)

A98
106

400 CONTINUED: 400
Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

Summary McClane survives the fall from the rooftop and makes his way back to the 40th floor where he sees photos of families and realizes the stakes are higher than he thought. Meanwhile, the terrorists believe McClane is dead and the police continue to search for him.
Strengths "The scene showcases McClane's resilience and determination to survive, and also highlights the emotional stakes of the situation as he sees the photos of families. The tension and danger of the situation are palpable throughout."
Weaknesses "There is not much dialogue to drive the scene forward, and the focus on McClane's injury may be seen as a clich\u00e9 in some cases."
Critique Overall, this scene is well-structured and provides enough suspense to keep the audience engaged. The physical action in the beginning and the emotional struggle at the end provide a good balance. However, some of the description could be more concise for a better flow.

In terms of format, the action lines could benefit from being shorter and broken up into smaller paragraphs. This would make it easier on the eyes and help distinguish between different actions.

Additionally, it might be helpful to include more sensory details, such as sound, to enhance the tension of the scene. For example, the sound of the helicopter crashing, the tense silence on the rooftop, or the sharp intake of breath when McClane sees the photos.

Lastly, it's important to make sure the dialogue feels natural and realistic. The CB communication from Karl could potentially use some editing to make it sound more authentic.
Suggestions One suggestion would be to add more description to the action and the emotions of the characters in the scene, particularly McClane. For instance, when McClane crumples up onto the floor in pain, it would be more effective to describe how he looks and what he's feeling in more detail. This would make the scene more impactful and help the audience connect better with the character. Additionally, it might be helpful to include more dialogue between the characters to further convey their emotions and motivations. Lastly, it would be good to add some foreshadowing or set up for the final act of the movie to build anticipation and heighten the emotional stakes.



Scene 53 -  McClane Watches the News
  • Overall: 7.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 7
  • Characters: 7
  • Dialogue: 7
WILLIAM
Don't shoot! I'm one of us!
Taco Bill!
He sees the TV camera and waves.
401 INT. 37TH FLOOR - STAIRWELL DOOR - LATER 401
The stairwell door opens and McClane limps onto the 37th
floor toward the fort he constructed earlier. He stops at
a water fountain where he washes away the blood and dirt from
his leg.
402 CLOSE - HIS WOUND 402
A neat hole going through the outside of the thigh and coming
> out the back. The bleeding has stopped.
/
403 INT. HANS' OFFICE 403
Hans turns his CB to nine and speaks to the radio.
HANS
We must find the detonators. Go
^ office by office.
404 37TH FLOOR OFFICE 404
McClane goes to a desk and opens a drawer, looking for
something to re-bandage his foot. He finds nothing and
checks another — still nothing.
405 ANGLE ON INNER OFFICE 405
He moves to a desk in an inner office and suddenly spots a
TV set in the cabinet. Like a stone-age man suddenly placed
in the twentieth century, he reaches for it cautiously,
turns it on and watches it dumbly, turning down the volume.
406 CLOSE ON TV 406
Images flash by, a compilation of events of the last twelve
hours. A TV reporter — behind him police barricades.
Officers in bulletproof vests run hurriedly past him. We SEE
a night scene with the words: RECORDED EARLIER at the bottom
of the screen. The image shakes, the TV camera tilts up
quickly and we SEE the upper floors obscured in a huge cloud
of smoke — the elevator explosion.
f\ . (CONTINUED)




A98
107

406 CONTINUED: 406
Suddenly the TV picture shows a day shot of the same floors
with the words LIVE printed on the screen. It shows the
ring of destruction around the middle of the building.
407 ON MCCLANE 407
The extent of the damage stuns him.

MCCLANE
Jesus...
He leans forward and turns up the volume.
TV REPORTER
...and then before sunrise, police
helicopters came over the hills to
try to protect the desperate policeman
who says he has killed seven of the
gang — although only three have been
accounted for.
MCCLANE
(sarcastically)
I should have taken scalps.
/S^V,

408 INT. STAIRWELL 408
Uli comes down the stairs. Suddenly he hears something and
presses his ear to the stairwell door.
409 EXT. POLICE TRAILER - DAWN 409
Al Powell leaves the operations trailer and moves down the
sidewalk past the vested SWAT officers and collapses on the
stoop of a business. He looks and feels like a man who has
betrayed a friend. A TV news REPORTER spots Powell and moves
his crew quickly over for an interview.
410 CLOSE - MCCLANE'S TV 410
We SEE the reporter approaching Powell.
411 MCCLANE 411
Having never seen Powell, McClane ignores the picture until
he hears:
REPORTER (ON TV)
...Thanks, Jim...This is
Sergeant Al Powell, pressed into
service late last night.
Genres: []

Summary McClane watches the news on TV in an office on the 37th floor while Hans and his team search for the detonators. We see the aftermath of the police and terrorist conflicts on the news. Uli listens at a door and Al Powell is interviewed by a reporter outside the police trailer.
Strengths null
Weaknesses null
Critique Overall, this scene is well-written and effectively conveys important information, but there are a few areas of improvement.

Firstly, the transition from William introducing himself to McClane limping onto the 37th floor could be smoother or have more of a connection between the two events.

Secondly, the close-up on McClane's wound description feels unnecessary and could be conveyed through his discomfort or actions.

Thirdly, the scene where McClane watches the news on TV feels a bit contrived and unrealistic. It may have been better to have him stumble upon information in a more organic way.

Finally, the interview with Powell on TV doesn't have much impact or relevance to the story, so it could be cut or replaced with information that has more significance.

Overall, this scene serves its purpose in moving the story forward, but some of the details could be reworked for smoother storytelling.
Suggestions There are a few things that could be improved in this scene:

1. The introduction of Taco Bill feels random and unnecessary. Consider giving him a more substantial presence in the story or cutting his appearance altogether.

2. The moment where McClane washes his wound at the water fountain feels anticlimactic. In a screenplay like Die Hard, which thrives on action and suspense, the audience wants to see McClane doing something more active or dangerous.

3. The exposition about finding the detonators feels like a distraction from the main action. Consider finding a way to integrate this information in a more organic way.

4. The scene where McClane watches the news on TV feels clichéd and unnecessary. Instead, consider finding a way for McClane to gather information that feels more active and engaging. For example, he could overhear a conversation between the terrorists or find a piece of information on a computer.

5. The scene with Uli listening at the door could be expanded to create more tension and suspense. Consider adding more detail to this action, such as Uli checking his weapon before opening the door.

Overall, this scene could benefit from more action and suspense, as well as a tighter integration of exposition and character development.



Scene 54 -  Standoff and Emotional Fallout
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 7
  • Dialogue: 7
A98
108
412 CLOSE ON MCCLANE 412
This gets his attention. He looks up at the TV.
REPORTER
(on TV)
Sergeant Powell, you've been
actually talking to the man
inside, John McClane, haven't
you?
413 ON SCREEN 413
Powell says nothing and begins to move away. The reporter
and camera follow him.
REPORTER
(on TV)
Can you comment on the speculation
that he was not adequately warned
about the attack. Do you feel he
was sufficiently warned?
Powell stops. He looks directly into the camera as if
looking right at McClane.
POWELL
(on TV)
No...And I'll tell you something
else...he wasn't the only one.
414 INT. 37TH FLOOR - SAME 414
A stairwell door opens and Uli, steps out onto the floor. He
can hear the sound of the television set and moves carefully
toward the SOUND.
415 ON MCCLANE 415
He hears something and pulls out the Beretta. He hits the
floor of the office and crawls to the doorway and looks out.
416 HIS P.O.V. 416
Uli moving toward the office. Drawn by the SOUND of the TV.
417 MCCLANE 417
pops out the Beretta's magazine — he's down to his last
three bullets. He checks his shoulder harness, nothing. He
lies there thinking for a moment, then rolls back over and
suddenly focuses on something on the wall just behind the
terrorist.



A98
109

418 HIS P.O.V. 418
The plastic explosive he planted by the light switch. He
takes careful aim.
MCCLANE
(softly, to himself)
Make it count, Johnny boy...
419 ON THE TV SCREEN - POWELL AND THE REPORTER 419
REPORTER
(on TV)
If you could tell him something
right now, what would you say?
420 EXT. STREET - ON POWELL 420

I POWELL
I'd just say...hang in there,
partner and if you can hear me give
me a sign.
Suddenly an explosion rips the 37th floor. Powell looks up.
POWELL
That'll do.
421 INT. 37th FLOOR - SAME 421
McClane moves through the rubble of blown-up desks and finds
the terrorist's machine gun; his CB hisses nearby.
422 INT. HANS' OFFICE 422
For the first time we SEE that Hans is off-balanced. Holly
watches him. Suddenly the CB comes to life.
MCCLANE'S VOICE
(o.s.)
It's all over Hans, you're down
to nothing.
423 EXT. HOLLY'S HOUSE IN SANTA MONICA - SAME 423
Thornburg's KCBS truck parked in front of Holly's house.
424 ANGLE ON FRONT DOOR 424
Thornburg pleads with Holly's housekeeper, Paulina. She
is scared and Thornburg plays on it.
^ ' (CONTINUED)
110

424 CONTINUED: 424
THORNBURG
(to Paulina)
One minute, that's all we ask.
You could be denying them a chance
to talk to their parents.
425 INT. 37TH FLOOR - ON MCCLANE - SAME 425
He slams in a fresh magazine and suddenly stares at the
television screen.
426 HIS P.O.V. - HIS CHILDREN 426
Paulina, near tears, lets the children come to the door. They
squint into the bright lights.
j 427 32ND FLOOR - ON HOLLY 427
seeing the same scene through the door to Hans' office. She
gasps at the sight of her children.
428 INT. HANS' OFFICE - SAME 428
Hans stares at the children on the TV then looks across the
room at the family photo on the credenza.
429 EXT. HOLLY'S HOUSE - ON THORNBURG - MORNING 429
He now is squatting down with his microphone to interview the
children. His voice is soft, comforting.
THORNBURG
(to the children)
Is there something you would like
to say to your mom or dad if they're
watching.
John, Jr. says nothing, but Lucy looks at the camera.
LUCY
(softly)
Come home.
430 INT. 32ND FLOOR - ON HOLLY - SAME 430
She struggles to fight back tears with no luck. Suddenly the
door to Hans' office opens. He steps out and looks at Holly
AS we:
CUT TO:




A98
111
Genres: ["Action","Thriller","Drama"]

Summary McClane engages in a standoff with the terrorists while chaos erupts due to Han's actions. Meanwhile, the police try to rescue wounded officers while Hans and his team plan their next move, and the FBI takes charge. McClane survives a fall from the rooftop and sees photos of families, realizing the stakes are higher than he thought. The terrorists believe McClane is dead, and the police continue to search for him. McClane is watching the news on TV in an office on the 37th floor while Hans and his team search for the detonators. Uli listens at a door, and Al Powell is interviewed by a reporter outside the police trailer.
Strengths "Strong emotional impact from seeing McClane's realization of the high stakes, tense standoff with terrorists, and emotional fallout with Powell and the children"
Weaknesses "Lack of character development and dialogue"
Critique Overall, this scene does a good job of building tension and escalating the stakes for the protagonist, John McClane. The dialogue is strong, with a good mix of action and character development. However, there are a few areas that could be improved upon.

Firstly, the direction in the scene could be more specific to enhance the visual impact. For example, in the moment where McClane looks at the plastic explosive on the wall, the viewer could benefit from a close-up shot of the explosive to emphasize the danger and urgency of the situation.

Furthermore, the scene could benefit from more presence from Holly, McClane's estranged wife. Although her emotional reactions are briefly shown, they do not contribute to the overall tension of the scene and only serve to remind the audience of her character's existence. Establishing her as a more active participant in the scene could help to strengthen her character arc and provide a more satisfying payoff for the audience.

Finally, the scene may benefit from a stronger sense of geography and setting. The action is relatively claustrophobic, occurring mostly in the office building, and a greater sense of the external environment and presence of the police outside may help to heighten the sense of danger and urgency. Overall, this scene has a lot of potential, but some tweaks to the direction and emphasis on character development could make it even more effective.
Suggestions Some possible suggestions to improve this scene could include:

- Tightening up the pacing and action in the scene to create a stronger sense of tension and urgency. For example, the parts where the reporter asks Powell about McClane could be shortened or made more impactful, and the moments where McClane sees Uli and realizes he only has three bullets left could be heightened to feel more intense.

- Adding more visual details and imagery to enhance the storytelling and make the scene more cinematic. For instance, when McClane sees the explosive he planted by the light switch, we could get a close-up of it, emphasizing its danger and significance.

- Building more character and emotional depth into the scene, particularly related to Holly and her children. We could get more moments of Holly reacting to the turmoil and danger around her, and the children's plea for their parents to come home could be given more weight and impact.

- Finding ways to make Hans feel more threatening and imposing as the villain of the story. This could involve adding more dialogue or actions that show his intelligence, cunning, and willingness to do whatever it takes to achieve his goals.

- Potentially cutting or condensing some of the smaller moments or subplots (like Thornburg trying to interview Holly's housekeeper) to focus more on the core conflict and character relationships in the scene.

Overall, the scene could benefit from more intense action, vivid imagery, emotional depth, and a stronger villain presence to build tension and drive the story forward toward its climax.



Scene 55 -  McClane Stands Strong
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 7
431 MCCLANE 431
He stands stunned looking at the TV, as if all the fight has
suddenly been drained from him. His CB comes to life.
HANS' VOICE
Mr. McClane, I have someone who
wants to talk to you.
HOLLY'S VOICE
John!?—
MCCLANE
Holly! Are you all right?
HANS' VOICE
(o.s.)
A temporary condition unless you
listen carefully.
POWELL'S VOICE
(o.s.; booming in)
You touch that woman you son-of-a-bitch
and —
MCCLANE
Let him talk. I'm listening.
/S3RN,


HANS' VOICE
(o.s.)
It's time to end the game. Put
the detonators on an elevator and
send them to the 39th floor. Then
come down here, unarmed.
TIME CUT TO:
432 INT. 33RD FLOOR - MORNING 432
McClane waits in the elevator corridor for the service
elevator. The car arrives. He places the kit bag inside,
punches thirty-nine, and steps back into the corridor.
433 INT. HANS' OFFICE - SAME 433
Hans has Holly in his office. She nervously pulls on her
watchband when suddenly we HEAR McClane*s VOICE on the CB.
MCCLANE'S VOICE
(o.s.)
They're on their way up. I want
to talk to her.
(CONTINUED)


A98
112

433 CONTINUED: 433
/fl^FS\
HANS
When you get down here.
MCCLANE'S VOICE
(o.s.)
No. Now.
Hans hesitates for a moment then hands the CB to Holly who
takes it with trembling hands.
HOLLY
John?
MCCLANE'S VOICE
(o.s.)
Are you okay?
HOLLY
I'm scared but, I...I'm not hurt.
They said, you were dead.
MCLANE'S VOICE
(o.s.)
Don't believe what you hear on TV.
I need to hear your voice though.
f0^ My feet are cut and I'm wounded and
I've got a long way to go. I need
you to talk to me. Like we use to
do. Like up at your father's farm
on Long Island. Remember how we'd
talk?
HOLLY
Yes.
434 32ND FLOOR - STAIRWELL DOOR - SAME 434
McClane quietly opens the door to the 32nd floor. It is
quiet. The hostages are on the other side of the floor.
MCCLANE
(to CB)
I want you to pretend it's just
us. I've got to hear your voice.
It's the only way I'll make it...
Understand? Talk to me.
He turns down his CB and moves steadily toward the other
side of the building.
(** 435 ON HOLLY 435
She talks calmly into the CB as if she is talking privately
to McClane.
A98 (CONTINUED)
113
Genres: ["Action","Thriller","Drama"]

Summary McClane watches the news and talks to Holly over the CB radio while Hans and his team search for detonators. McClane then heads back to the building and starts his mission to save hostages and stop Hans's plan. He opens the door quietly toward the other side of the building.
Strengths "The scene sets up the climax of the film and the inevitable showdown between McClane and Hans. The tension builds as McClane watches the news and talks to Holly over the CB radio. The character development of McClane and his relationship with Holly are highlighted."
Weaknesses "The scene may feel slower compared to the rest of the film and may not hold the viewer's attention as much."
Critique Overall, the scene is well-written and engaging. The tension is high as McClane and Holly are reunited over the CB, with the added threat of Hans monitoring their conversation. However, there are a few areas that could be improved:

- The first line of action for McClane, "He stands stunned looking at the TV," could be more specific. What exactly is he looking at? Is he reacting to something specific he sees on the screen?
- Hans' demand for McClane to listen carefully feels a bit on-the-nose – it would be more effective to show that he means business through his actions rather than telling the audience.
- The shift from McClane waiting for the elevator to Hans and Holly in the office feels abrupt. It might flow better if there was a more clear transition, like a shot of the elevator ascending to the 33rd floor.
- The dialogue during the elevator ride feels a bit expositional – it might be more impactful to see McClane look at the kit bag and know intuitively what he needs to do with the detonators.
- The line "They said, you were dead" feels like it could be cut – it's already established that McClane is alive and this line doesn't add much to the scene.
- McClane's line "It's the only way I'll make it... Understand? Talk to me" feels a bit melodramatic. It might be more effective if he was a bit more direct in his request for Holly to talk to him.
Suggestions Here are some suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Increase the tension: The scene is critical and can be made more effective by increasing the tension. One way to do this is by elongating the silence after Hans' initial instruction to McClane. This will make the audience anxious and expectant for the next turn of events.

2. Use cinematic language: The scene can also be improved by using more cinematic language to help the audience visualize it. For instance, instead of just saying that McClane is standing stunned, describe his body language and facial expressions to convey his shock and fear.

3. Use dialogue to develop character: The dialogue in the scene can be used more effectively to develop character and relationships. For example, instead of just saying that Holly talks calmly to McClane, use her dialogue to show her strength and determination to survive.

4. Create visual contrasts: Another way to increase the tension in the scene is by creating visual contrasts. For instance, while McClane is making his way through the building, the scene in Hans' office could be made more visually intense by using close-up shots of Holly's face to show her fear and anxiety.

5. Make the stakes clear: Finally, it is crucial to make the stakes clear in the scene for the audience to understand what the characters are fighting for. This can be achieved by using dialogue to clarify the situation, as well as visual storytelling to create a sense of urgency.



Scene 56 -  McClane and Holly Engage in Standoff with Terrorists
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 7
435 CONTINUED:' 435
HOLLY
(beat)
I miss you. I've missed you a
lot. I found a picture of us the
other night...all of us...
436 INT. 39TH FLOOR - SAME 436
The doors to the service elevator open and Karl takes the
detonators and goes to the safe.
437 INT. 32ND FLOOR - SAME 437
McClane moves around the side of the floor. He reaches the
corner and he can see the hostages. They are sitting on the
floor. Holly's secretary, Ginny, sitting a few feet away
from Fritz, the guard, looks up and sees McClane, she
immediately tries to hide her surprise but Fritz notices
and looks around the corner.
438 HIS P.O.V. 438
The corridor. There is no sign of McClane.
439 FRITZ 439
He looks back at Ginny.
GINNY
(innocently)
I must have been seeing things.
But Fritz doesn't buy it. He goes slowly down the corridor
where McClane was and looks around the next corner. Fritz
sees nothing and starts back. As he passes an office an arm
suddenly reaches out, covers his mouth and pulls him inside.
440 INT. HANS' OFFICE - ON HOLLY - SAME 440
She has indeed blocked everything out of her mind but McClane
as she talks.
HOLLY
...I want us to live together again...
She watches as Hans loads his Walther. He suddenly becomes
suspicious that she is doing all the talking and looks up.
MCCLANE'S VOICE
(o.s.; softly)
That's what I want too. I'm almost
there, honey.
(CONTINUED)

A98
114

440 CONTINUED: 440
/s*v HOLLY
(relieved to
hear him)
Let me talk. There's so much I
wanted to tell you last night but
I couldn't...
441 HALLWAY - SAME 441
McClane steps back into the hallway — a finger to his
mouth — and motions for her to come. She gets up and
starts for McClane. The others follow.
442 INT. 39TH FLOOR - SAME 442
Karl finishes packing the last detonator and sets the timer.
Ten seconds. He grabs his gun and leaves.
I
/ 443 INT. HANS' OFFICE - SAME 443
Holly talks into the CB. While she talks she notices people
leaving and casually looks away so that Hans won't notice.
His back is to the exodus.
HOLLY
^ I love you. Whatever happens,
( I love you.
444 39TH FLOOR 444
Karl in the hallway. Suddenly, AN EXPLOSION belches smoke
out of the safe room.
445 INT.. POLICE TRAILER - SAME 445
Powell, Robinson, the Johnsons hear the sound over their CB.
ROBINSON
What's that?
446 INT. HOSTAGE FLOOR - SAME 446
An older WOMAN panics at the sound of the explosion.
WOMAN
Oh, God, their going to kill us!
She becomes hysterical.
447 HANS' OFFICE 447
• Hans goes to the door and sees the exodus. He shoots the
woman then grabs Holly and pushes her out of the office and
down the opposite corridor.

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115
Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

Summary McClane engages in a standoff with the terrorists while chaos erupts due to Hans's actions. Meanwhile, the police try to rescue wounded officers while Hans and his team plan their next move, and the FBI takes charge. McClane and Holly talk over the CB radio as he embarks on his mission to save hostages and stop Hans's plan. Meanwhile, Karl takes the detonators and sets the timer to blow up the building. An explosion occurs, causing panic among the hostages. Hans shoots a woman and grabs Holly, pushing her towards an opposite corridor.
Strengths "High level of tension and conflict, well-crafted plot with realistic character reactions."
Weaknesses "Some inconsistencies in character development and dialogue."
Critique
Suggestions There are a few things that could be improved in this scene:

1. Increase the tension: The scene has a lot of potential for tension, especially with the various characters in different locations (Holly in Hans' office, McClane on the 32nd floor, etc.), but it doesn't quite fulfill that potential. Consider adding more details and specificity to raise the stakes and make the audience more invested.

2. Clarify the action: Some of the action in the scene is a bit unclear. For example, it's not immediately clear why Karl sets the timer on the detonator. Adding more clarity to the action will make the scene easier to follow.

3. Add more emotion: The dialogue between Holly and McClane is a bit flat and could benefit from more emotional depth. This could help to make the scene more engaging and interesting.

4. Consider a different order: The order of the scenes could be rearranged to create a more dramatic arc. For example, having the explosion happen earlier could increase the tension and suspense.

Overall, this scene has potential but could benefit from some tweaking to make it more engaging and exciting.



Scene 57 -  Confrontation on the 39th Floor
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 7
448 MCCLANE 448
(** sees Hans and Holly moving toward the elevators and aims, but
he doesn't risk a shot. He starts after them.
MCCLANE
(to CB)
Al?! You've got thirty-five
people coming down the stairs.
You've got to occupy this building
now!
449 EXT. NAKATOMI - SAME 449
SWAT officers sprint toward the building. The lead officers
crash through the front glass doors and rush to the stairwells.
450 ON POWELL 450
POWELL
John, they're on their way up the
stairs. We want you to keep the
hostages together till we get there.
451 ON MCCLANE 451
moving down the corridor toward the elevators.
x^>v
MCCLANE
No way. He's got my wife.
452 EXT. ADJACENT ROOF - SAME 452
A police helicopter takes off from the neighboring building
and streaks toward the Nakatomi tower. It opens fire on the
elevator tower.
453 INT. ELEVATOR 453
Hans hears the sound of automatic rifle fire overhead. He
brings up the CB.
HANS
I want it known that we still have
the weapons to knock the helicopters
out of the sky! Mr. McClane, are
you there?
MCCLANE'S VOICE
Right here.
HANS
Your wife will be dead in ten
seconds unless you listen carefully.



A98
116

454 ON MCCLANE 454
( listening.
HANS' VOICE
(o.s.)
Get into the elevator. Come
unarmed to the 39th floor.
455 39TH FLOOR - SAFE ROOM 455
Karl steps into the safe and begins removing stacks of
documents.
456 CLOSE ON THE DOCUMENTS 456
$100,000 TREASURY BONDS. The stacks are enormous.
Three-four hundred to a stack.
457 KARL 457
His CB crackles with Hans' voice.
HANS* VOICE
Karl. Helicopters!
458 INT. ELEVATOR TOWER - ROOF - ON HEINZ - SAME 458
I
He preps a Stinger missile and looks through the crack in the
roof door.
459 HIS P.O.V. 459
Smoldering debris from the helicopter crash covers the roof.
Then a quarter mile away he sees the helicopter diving for
the roof.
460 INT. ELEVATOR CAR 460
McClane finishes taping his holster behind his neck. Suddenly
the doors open, the 37th floor, then close — McClane*s
buying time.
HANS' VOICE
(o.s.)
I'm waiting, Mr. McClane.
He slips the Beretta into the hidden holster, then practices
reaching behind his neck and drawing the gun. It is awkward
and he tries it again — better. The doors open to the
38th floor, then close.
f^ 461 INT. 39TH FLOOR - SAME 461
Hans positions himself in front of the elevator bank,
fingering the trigger of his machine gun, waiting.
Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

Summary McClane engages in a standoff with Hans and his team on the 39th floor of the Nakatomi building while chaos erupts due to Hans's plan to blow up the building. The police and SWAT team try to rescue wounded officers and hostages. Karl removes stacks of documents while the FBI takes charge. McClane receives a message from Hans, who has his wife Holly hostage.
Strengths "The tension and stakes are high as McClane confronts Hans on the 39th floor with his wife's life on the line. The action is intense and fast-paced, with the police and SWAT team trying to rescue hostages and stop Hans's plan. The characters are well-developed and unique, with distinct personalities and motivations."
Weaknesses "The dialogue can be a bit clich\u00e9d and predictable at times, and some of the plot points feel contrived. The emotional impact of the scene could be stronger, as the focus is mainly on the action and tension rather than the characters' feelings."
Critique Overall, this scene is well-written and engaging. The tension between McClane and Hans is palpable, and the action keeps moving forward at a brisk pace. That being said, there are a few areas for improvement.

Firstly, the dialogue could be sharpened up a bit. Some of the lines, such as "No way. He's got my wife." feel a bit on the nose and could benefit from some nuance. Additionally, the back-and-forth between McClane and Hans could be made more dynamic - right now, it feels a bit static.

Secondly, it's unclear where the characters are physically located in relation to one another. For instance, when McClane hears the gunfire overhead, it's not immediately clear whether he's close enough to hear it or if it's just a sound effect for the audience. Adding some descriptions of the physical space could help contextualize the action.

Overall, though, this scene effectively raises the stakes and creates tension, making it a solid addition to the screenplay.
Suggestions 1. Add tension: There is a lot happening in this scene, but it doesn't quite build up enough tension. It might help to slow down some of the action and let the suspense build. Perhaps show McClane's concern for his wife more explicitly, or reveal more about what Hans might do to her if McClane doesn't comply.

2. Clarify motivation: It's not entirely clear why McClane insists on going after Hans alone, even though he's been told to keep the hostages together. Adding more context or motivation for McClane would help make his actions more understandable.

3. Streamline dialogue: The dialogue could be tightened up in some places to make it more efficient. For example, instead of saying "No way. He's got my wife," McClane could simply say "I have to go after him." This would keep the scene moving without sacrificing any important information.

4. Visualize action: There are a few places where the action could benefit from being more explicitly visualized. For example, when McClane tapes his holster behind his neck, it's not immediately clear what he's doing. Adding a brief shot of him doing this would help make the action more clear.

5. Consider pacing: Although this is a short scene, it might help to break it up into smaller beats or sub-scenes to give it more structure and variety. This could be achieved by placing more emphasis on McClane's journey through the building, or perhaps by focusing on the SWAT team's actions in more detail.



Scene 58 -  McClane engages in a standoff with Hans and his team on the 39th floor of Nakatomi building
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 9
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 8
A98
117
462 KARL 462
reaches the roof just as Heinz opens the door and lifts the
Stinger to his shoulder. The chopper opens fire. The rounds
kick up rooftop-gravel in lines straight to the door, hitting
Heinz and Karl.
463 HANS 463
He hears the HUM of the elevators and braces himself. He
checks his gun and waits. Suddenly, the far right elevator
light comes on over the doors and we hear the electronic
ring. The door opens and Hans opens fire.
Bullets rip into the brushed aluminum interior, totally
destroying the car. Hans spends half his clip before he
realizes the car is empty. The light over the next door
comes on.
i
J Hans slams in another magazine. He moves quickly to that
door and as the doors open, blasts the inside of that car
before realizing, that it too is empty. His CB comes to
life and he hears McClane's. voice.
MCCLANE'S VOICE
I thought we had a deal, Hans?
f* 464 INT. 39TH FLOOR - STAIRWELL DOOR - ON MCCLANE - SAME 464
He moves from the stairwell onto the 39th floor carefully
toward the elevator bank where Hans and Holly were. He
turns the corner and they're gone.
465 ON MCCLANE 465
moves carefully up the hallway. Every office doorway is a
potential ambush.
MCCLANE
(to CB)
Where are you, Hans? I thought
you were going to meet me?
HANS' VOICE
(o.s.)
You're almost there. I can hear
you without the radio...Are you
unarmed?
McClane turns the corner. We SEE the lighted doorway to the
safe room.
MCCLANE
(to CB)
That's what you wanted.
(CONTINUED)
A98
118

465 CONTINUED: 465

HANS
Well then let's turn off the .
radio.
POWELL'S VOICE
John no! —
McClane turns off his radio, cutting Powell off.
466 POLICE TRAILER - ON POWELL - SAME 466
and Police TECHNICIANS.
TECHNICIAN
We've lost them.
Powell stares up at the building — helpless.
^467 ON THORNBURG 467
Listening to his car radio as he drives back to Century City.
He realizes what they've done.
THORNBURG
Shit.
468 EXT. NAKATOMI 468
William listening with police. When he realizes they're off
the air, he looks up and says a little prayer.
469 INT. ANTEROOM - SAFE ROOM - ON HANS - SAME 469
He carefully lays his radio on the boardroom table so as not
to make a noise and motions Holly up with the end of his
Walther.
470 HALLWAY 470
McClane reaches the doorway to the anteroom.
MCCLANE
I'm here, Hans.
HANS
(o.s.; from the
office)
Come in. Hands in the air.
McClane puts his hands on his head, steps into the doorway.
/$Wt!i\




A98
119
Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

Summary McClane heads back to the building after watching the news and talking to Holly, and starts his mission to save hostages and stop Hans's plan. He engages in a standoff with the terrorists on 39th floor while chaos erupts due to Hans's plan to blow up the building. Karl removes the detonators, sets the timer and an explosion occurs, causing panic among the hostages. Hans shoots a woman and grabs Holly, pushing her towards an opposite corridor. McClane receives a message from Hans, who has his wife Holly hostage.
Strengths
  • High level of conflict
  • Intense action
  • Suspenseful plot
Weaknesses
  • Lack of character development
  • Some dialogue feels forced
Critique Overall, this scene provides a fair amount of action and tension as the various characters engage in gunfire and tense interactions. However, there are a few areas that could use improvement.

1. Lack of description: The scene mostly consists of dialogue and quick descriptions of actions, but there is not a lot of detail about the setting or characters. Providing more sensory descriptions and information about the characters' emotions and motivations would make the scene more engaging.

2. Character development: The characters are mostly defined by their actions rather than their personalities or backgrounds. Providing more insight into their motivations and relationships with each other would give the audience more investment in their fates.

3. Cliched dialogue: Some of the dialogue, particularly from Hans and McClane, is quite cliched and predictable. Finding more unique and genuine ways for the characters to communicate would make them more interesting.

4. Lack of stakes: While the action is intense, there is not a clear sense of what the characters are fighting for or what would happen if they fail. Establishing more concrete stakes would make the audience more invested in the outcome.
Suggestions Here are some suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Add more tension: The scene could benefit from more tension and suspense. The stakes are high, and the audience should feel the danger and risk of the situation. Consider adding more obstacles and unexpected twists to the scene.

2. Develop the characters: While the action is intense, it is important to remember that the characters are crucial to the scene and the story. Spend a bit more time developing their motivations, emotions, and relationships. This will make the audience care more about what happens to them.

3. Increase the visual impact: Use visual cues to enhance the scene. For example, show the destruction caused by the chopper's gunfire and the elevator being shot. This will make the scene more engaging, and the audience will feel more immersed in the action.

4. Heighten the dialogue: The dialogue could be more dramatic and impactful. Add some memorable lines that will stick with the audience. Use dialogue to reveal more about the characters and their motivations.

5. Add more conflict: Consider adding more conflict to the scene. McClane and Hans could have a more intense confrontation, with each trying to gain the upper hand. This will make the scene more dynamic and engaging.



Scene 59 -  McClane saves Holly from Hans
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 7
471 HIS P.O.V. 471
Hans stands in front of the window his arm around Holly's
neck. He holds her in front of him like a shield. Holly
gasps at the grizzily sight of her husband.
472 MCCLANE 472
MCCLANE
I'm all right, babe.
(to Hans)
Let her go. You don't need her
now.
HANS
Very noble, Mr. McClane. But
you're of no practical use to
me now...you're practically a
corpse already.
McClane looks at the Bearer's Bonds on the table. He looks
back at Hans.
MCCLANE
You know I always had my doubts
about you, Hans.
HANS
The cop in you, no doubt. Well,
it's been a long night, Mr. McClane,
but killing you and your wife should
make it all worthwhile.
He pulls back the hammer and presses the barrel into Holly's
neck.
MCCLANE
Me first, then.
Hans hesitates, then smiles. He removes the gun from Holly's
neck and aims at McClane.
HANS
Any other requests?
MCCLANE
I want to say something to my
wife.
HANS
Touching.
McClane looks directly at Holly, they lock eyes.
(CONTINUED)


A98
120

472 CONTINUED: 472
MCCLANE
Now!
She bumps Hans hand with the gun and McClane draws the
Beretta over his shoulder and fires — hitting Hans in the
right nipple. The bullet goes clean through him, starring
the window behind him. He looks at McClane increduously.
MCCLANE
Out of the way, Holly!
She tries to break free but Hans pulls her back in front of
him. Slowly he raises the gun to her neck. She squirms
against the terrorist, trying to break away but the barrel
presses against her throat. McClane aims again and fires,
hitting Hans in the shoulder.
The jolt knocks Hans backward against the window. He
releases Holly's neck and his hand slides down her arm as
the glass starts to give way behind him — his fingers
running down her arm until one finds a grip in Holly's
watchband and pulls her into the gaping window with him.
McClane drops his gun and lunges for his wife, grabbing
Holly's other arm just as she falls. For a moment McClane
holds them all but Hans' weight slowly begins to weaken
him. His hold on Holly starts to slip.
McClane braces himself against the window frame and strains
to reach Holly's watchband. His muscles quiver, his hand
almost there when we SEE Hans slowly bring his pistol up
from his side and aim at McClane.
Holly sees him and screams. Hans' hand trembles. He locks
eyes with McClane one last time, starts to pull the trigger,
as McClane releases the watchband. Hans' face registers his
horror as he and the watch suddenly drop. We listen to his
scream all the way down.
McClane pulls Holly back into the room and holds her.
MCCLANE
It's okay, babe. It's okay.
He looks down at Hans' body, then back at Holly.
MCCLANE
Hey, I've got to get you a
new watch.
473 EXT. POLICE TRAILER - ON POWELL - SAME 473
He stands looking worriedly up at the building, when
suddenly his CB comes to life.
A98 (CONTINUED)
121
Genres: ["action","thriller"]

Summary McClane confronts Hans and engages in a standoff with him and his team while chaos erupts from Hans' plan to blow up the building. Hans takes Holly hostage and McClane fights to save her. In the end, McClane succeeds in saving Holly, killing Hans, and preventing the detonation of the building.
Strengths
  • intense action scenes
  • well-developed characters
  • suspenseful plot
Weaknesses
  • predictable dialogue
Critique Overall, this is a well-written and tense scene with good dialogue and clear action. However, there are a few areas that could be improved upon:

1. Camera directions: Screenplays should not include camera directions like "His P.O.V." or "MCCLANE" unless absolutely necessary. Instead, the writer should describe the action and let the director and cinematographer decide how to shoot it.

2. Lack of character development: While the action is exciting, there isn't much character development in this scene. We don't learn anything new about McClane or Hans, and Holly is mostly a passive participant. It would be stronger if we saw more of their personalities and motivations.

3. Lack of description: The action is well-described, but there is little description of the setting or the characters' emotions or physical appearances.

Overall, this is a tense and well-written scene, but could benefit from more character development and description.
Suggestions Here are some suggestions for improving the scene:

1. Add more tension: The scene could benefit from more tension, particularly during the standoff between McClane and Hans. Consider adding more dialogue and action that raises the stakes.

2. Give Holly more agency: Holly is mainly a passive victim in this scene. Consider giving her more agency by having her do something to help McClane or try to escape.

3. Make the action more realistic: The action in this scene is somewhat over-the-top and unrealistic. Consider making it more grounded in reality while still maintaining the excitement and tension of the scene.

4. Clarify the geography: The layout of the scene and the location of the characters could be clearer. Consider adding more description to help the reader visualize where everything is happening.

5. Pay off character arcs: The scene could benefit from a stronger sense of resolution for the characters. Consider how the events of the scene could tie into the larger character arcs for McClane and Holly.



Scene 60 -  The Showdown
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 8
473 CONTINUED: 473
SWAT LEADER'S VOICE
(voice over)
This is SWAT commander four...We
have McClane and his wife. We're
bringing them down the service
elevator.
POWELL
(to CB)
Roger... Thank you, Lord.
474 ON WILLIAM - SAME 474
WILLIAM
Amen.
475 INT. KCBS MOBILE UNIT - MORNING 475
}
Thornburg's unit stuck in traffic ten blocks from the
Nakatomi building. HORNS BLARE all around the truck.
Thornburg is going crazy not being at the building. He
can feel his Emmy slipping away.
THORNBURG
C'mon, goddamnit. What is this,
an accident?
(suddenly realizing)
No. Don't tell me, it's over...
It's over and I missed it! Shit!
476 THE EMPTY LOBBY 476
The doors to the service elevator opens McClane leaning on
Holly on one side and the SWAT leader on the other moves
steadily across the cold marble floor to the front door and
steps:
477 OUTSIDE 477
into a blaze of television lights. The entire front of
the building is packed with reporters and TV cameras. Amid
shouts of "There he is!" the media surges into the police
line ringing the steps. McClane ignores their shouted
questions and pushes forward down the steps with something
else on his mind.
MCCLANE
(calling out)
Al?!
At first there is no answer, then we SEE Powell moving
through the press, his hand on the butt of his .38.
(CONTINUED)

A98
122

477 CONTINUED: 477
/S*s
McClane stops at the base of the steps and stares at him,
then offers the cop his hand.
MCCLANE
You know it's going to be hard
to go back to that desk.
POWELL
(a touch of
a grin)
No lie.
(to Holly)
You okay?
She nods weakly. Just then Robinson moves toward them
through the group.
I ROBINSON
/
We're going to have to ask you
some questions, McClane. The
damage to that building,
Mr. Ellis' shooting. To be
real honest —
MCCLANE
Shut up, Dwayne.
Before Robinson can protest, a SCREAM causes McClane to
turn.
478 HIS P.O.V. 478
There in the doorway is Karl. Easily as crusted in dirt
and blood as McClane, he holds an M-5 machine gun.
479 EXT. NAKATOMI (FRONT STEPS) - SAME 479
As the press panics trying to escape, Karl locks eyes with
McClane and levels his gun. McClane throws Holly to the
ground and grabs the dumbstruck Robinson's sidearm. But
he doesn't get off a shot — a lone gunshot stops Karl —
knocking him back through the doorway. McClane looks back
to see Powell still sighting down the barrel of his .38.
His hands rock steady. He sees McClane's look.
POWELL
I owed you one.
They smile and McClane leans on Holly as William's battered
black limo backs up to them. The window rolls down and
inside we SEE William and the stuffed animal. •
(CONTINUED)

A98
123

479 CONTINUED: 479
/$Z\
WILLIAM
My friend here thinks you better
get in if you want to make it
home before New Years.
McClane grins AS we:
FADE OUT
THE END




r.
A98
Twentieth Century Fox SCRIPT DEPARTMENT
1020V W. Pico Boulevard, Los Angeles, CA 90035
Telephone: (213)203-2494
Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

Summary McClane confronts Hans and engages in a standoff with him and his team while chaos erupts from Hans' plan to blow up the building. Hans takes Holly hostage and McClane fights to save her. In the end, McClane succeeds in saving Holly, killing Hans, and preventing the detonation of the building.
Strengths "The intense action and suspenseful buildup, well-developed characters, and strong performances by the actors are the major strengths of this scene."
Weaknesses "The dialogue could have been stronger in some places, and there are a few plot points that are somewhat predictable."
Critique Overall, the scene is action-packed, with tense moments and a satisfying conclusion. However, there are a few areas that could be improved.

Firstly, there is a lack of character development and emotional depth. The audience doesn't get a sense of who the characters are, what they are feeling, or what motivates them beyond the immediate danger. This makes it difficult to invest in the characters and their story on a deeper level.

Secondly, the dialogue could be stronger. It often feels stilted and expository, with characters stating things that the audience already knows or could infer from the visual action. This can create a disconnect between the audience and the characters.

Lastly, the scene could benefit from more visual description. While there are some moments of strong visual imagery, such as the media frenzy outside the Nakatomi building, there are also stretches of dialogue that could be punctuated with stronger visual description to create a more dynamic and engaging scene.

Overall, while the scene has some strengths, it could benefit from more focus on character development, stronger dialogue, and more vivid visual description.
Suggestions Here are some suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Increase the tension and stakes: The scene feels a bit anticlimactic for the final scene of the movie. To make it more exciting, you could add a twist that puts the characters in more danger, or have a final confrontation with the main villain that is more intense.

2. Develop the characters further: The characters feel a bit flat in this scene, so you could give them more depth by revealing something new about them or showing them in a moment of vulnerability.

3. Improve the dialogue: The dialogue in this scene is fairly straightforward and lacks any memorable lines. You could work on making it more memorable by adding some witty or clever lines.

4. Use visual storytelling: There are a lot of opportunities for visual storytelling in this scene, such as showing the panic of the reporters and the tension between McClane and Powell. You could play up these visual elements to make the scene more visually interesting.

5. Add a sense of closure: The scene feels a bit abrupt and doesn't give a sense of closure to the story. You could add a moment where the characters reflect on what has happened and what they have learned, or show how they will move forward from this experience.