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Scene 1 -  The Wager
1 EXT. MANHATTAN SKYLINE - DAY 1

We circle around the island of Manhattan moving closer and
closer till we're looking down on Fifth Avenue. As the
melody continues to play we MOVE towards a building and ZOOM
into a window.

2 INT. THERAPIST'S OFFICE - DAY 2

A fifty-year old female therapist (DR. GREENBAUM) sits at
her desk, frowning as she takes notes. Books of Jung and
Freud line the shelves.

A young man (SEBASTIAN VALMONT) sits in a chair in front
of her looking impatient.

The therapist continues to write notes.

DR. GREENBAUM
Jesus. We've been at this for six
months.

SEBASTIAN
I know.

DR. GREENBAUM
And you haven't made an ounce of
progress.

SEBASTIAN
I know.

Sebastian takes out a cigarette.

DR. GREENBAUM
(not looking up)
There's no smoking in my office.
Sebastian sneers at her then puts the cigarette away. Dr.
Greenbaum finishes her notes and looks up at him, shaking
her head.

SEBASTIAN
What do you want me to say? That I'm
supposed to feel remorse because I act
the way I do? The truth is I don't.

Dr. Greenbaum shakes her head and takes notes.

SEBASTIAN (cont'd)
Look, I'm not like all the other kids
in high school. I don't care about book
reports and extra-credit. Teachers
are idiots anyway. The only challenge
out there for me is women. You see a
girl you like. You pursue them. You
conquer. You move on. It's exciting.

DR. GREENBAUM
But you said you have the worst
reputation.

SEBASTIAN
I do.

DR. GREENBAUM
Don't you want to change that?

SEBASTIAN
Let me tell you something, doctor.
Chicks love a guy with a bad rap.
They say they don't, but they don't
mean it. They all think that they're
the ones that are going to "save me."
The trick is to let them think it's
true.

DR. GREENBAUM
I think that's all the time we have
for today.

SEBASTIAN
Same time next week?

DR. GREENBAUM
No. This is going to be our last
session.

SEBASTIAN
Why? I like spending time with you.
You know, you're quite attractive for
a woman your age. You have killer legs.
Killer.

DR. GREENBAUM
This isn't a joke. Your parents spend a
lot of money to send you here. I'm
trying to help you.

SEBASTIAN
Don't be insecure, Doc. You're a big
help.

Sebastian picks up a book of Freud.

SEBASTIAN (cont'd)
He was a coke addict, you know.

DR. GREENBAUM
You think you can come in here with that
cute little smirk on your face and try
and flirt with me. It doesn't work,
Sebastian.

SEBASTIAN
It works a little.

DR. GREENBAUM
No it doesn't. I see right through you.

SEBASTIAN
You do?

DR. GREENBAUM
I hope for your sake you grow out of
this immature phase. It's going to get
you into trouble.

SEBASTIAN
Well, you don't have to get nasty about
it.

Sebastian approaches a photo on her desk and picks it up.

DR. GREENBAUM
My daughter, Rachel.

SEBASTIAN
Yummy.

DR. GREENBAUM
Don't even think about it. Rachel is an
exceptionally well rounded young
woman, who happens to be attending
Princeton this fall. She's way too
smart to fall for your line of b.s.

SEBASTIAN
Really? Care to make a wager on that?

DR. GREENBAUM
Good luck, Sebastian.
SEBASTIAN
What, nervous I'm going to win?

DR. GREENBAUM
Would you please leave.

Sebastian puts on his glasses and leaves.

DR. GREENBAUM (cont'd)
Asshole.

The doctor stews for a moment, then reaches into her
desk, sifts through some papers where she finds a pack of
Benson & Hedges and lights one up. She looks at the photo
of her daughter, then hits the speaker phone and dials.

DR. GREENBAUM (cont'd)
Rachel, it's mom.

INTERCUT WITH:
Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

Summary In a tense therapy session, Dr. Greenbaum confronts Sebastian about his manipulative behavior and disregard for women. Sebastian dismisses her advice and insists that women are drawn to "bad boys." He makes a wager with Dr. Greenbaum that he can win over her daughter, Rachel. Dr. Greenbaum refuses, but Sebastian is determined to prove her wrong, setting up a conflict that remains unresolved.
Strengths
  • Sharp dialogue
  • Character development
  • Tension building
Weaknesses
  • Slightly predictable dynamics
  • Lack of major character growth

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is engaging, well-written, and provides insight into the characters' personalities and dynamics.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a therapy session revealing the rebellious nature of the young man and the therapist's frustration is well-executed.

Plot: 7

The plot revolves around the therapy session and the conflict between the characters, driving the scene forward.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a familiar setting of a therapy session but adds a fresh perspective through Sebastian's manipulative behavior and Dr. Greenbaum's confrontational approach. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed, with distinct personalities and conflicting motivations that create tension.

Character Changes: 6

While the characters do not undergo significant changes in this scene, their dynamics and motivations are revealed.

Internal Goal: 8

Sebastian's internal goal in this scene is to maintain his facade of indifference and charm, despite the therapist's attempts to challenge his behavior. This reflects his deeper need for validation and acceptance, as well as his fear of vulnerability and change.

External Goal: 7

Sebastian's external goal is to continue his pattern of seducing and conquering women, as well as to maintain his reputation as a 'bad boy'. This reflects the immediate challenge of his behavior affecting his relationships and reputation.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

There is a high level of conflict between the characters, both internally and externally.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Dr. Greenbaum challenging Sebastian's behavior and beliefs, creating conflict and tension. The audience is left unsure of how the interaction will unfold.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes are relatively high for the characters in terms of personal growth and self-awareness.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by revealing key aspects of the characters' personalities and relationships.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in Sebastian and Dr. Greenbaum's dialogue, as well as the shifting power dynamics between the characters.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is between Sebastian's hedonistic and manipulative worldview, and Dr. Greenbaum's belief in growth and change through therapy. This challenges Sebastian's values of superficial conquests and challenges him to consider the consequences of his actions.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from frustration to amusement, keeping the audience engaged.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is sharp, witty, and reveals the characters' true feelings and intentions.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the dynamic between Sebastian and Dr. Greenbaum, the tension in their interactions, and the reveal of their conflicting motivations.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension gradually through dialogue and character interactions. The rhythm of the scene enhances the emotional impact.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setting, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and dialogue contribute to the effectiveness of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene sets up the dynamic between Dr. Greenbaum and Sebastian well, showcasing his arrogant and manipulative behavior.
  • The dialogue is engaging and reveals a lot about Sebastian's character, but it could benefit from more subtlety and nuance.
  • The interaction between Dr. Greenbaum and Sebastian feels a bit cliched at times, with Sebastian's flirtatious behavior and Dr. Greenbaum's stern responses.
  • The scene could use more subtext and depth to make the characters and their motivations more complex and interesting.
  • There is a lack of emotional depth in the scene, making it feel a bit superficial and predictable.
  • The scene could benefit from more visual storytelling and showing rather than telling to enhance the impact of the dialogue.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding layers to Sebastian's character to make him more multi-dimensional and less of a stereotypical 'bad boy'.
  • Explore Dr. Greenbaum's character further to understand her motivations and personal stakes in dealing with Sebastian.
  • Introduce more conflict and tension in the scene to make it more dynamic and engaging.
  • Focus on creating a more unique and original dynamic between the characters to avoid falling into cliches.
  • Work on incorporating visual elements and subtext to enhance the emotional depth of the scene.
  • Consider adding a twist or unexpected turn of events to keep the audience intrigued and guessing.



Scene 2 -  Betrayal and Deception
3 INT. RACHEL'S BEDROOM - DAY 3

RACHEL, Doctor Greenbaum's daughter sits at her desk,
crying while holding the phone.

RACHEL
Hi, mom.

DR. GREENBAUM
Honey, is something wrong?

Rachel cries for a moment.

RACHEL
He told me he loved me and I believed
him.

DR. GREENBAUM
Who told you?

RACHEL
You don't know him. I'm so stupid.

She continues to cry.

DR. GREENBAUM
Alright honey, just calm down, take a deep
breath, and step out of the circle.

RACHEL
Would you cut the psycho babble bullshit,
mom. There's pictures of me on the internet.

WE PAN OVER TO HER COMPUTER CONSOLE. CLOSE ON: COMPUTER
MONITOR - A nudie web-sight. The title reads "Ivy League
Bound." Beneath the caption is a photo of Rachel tied to
a bed and smiling with a Princeton banner covering her
privates.

DR. GREENBAUM
What kind of pictures?

RACHEL
Nudie pictures, what do you think?

DR. GREENBAUM
Jesus Christ, how can you be so
stupid?

RACHEL
I don't know. He was just so charming.
All he did was talk about how I had
killer legs and how we wanted to
photograph them. Things just got out
of hand from there.
(she hears the phone drop)
Mom? Are you there? Mom?
(screaming)
Mother!!!!
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary Rachel is in her bedroom crying while talking to her mother on the phone about discovering nude pictures of herself on a website. She feels stupid for believing a man who told her he loved her and took advantage of her. The conflict arises from Rachel feeling deceived and violated by someone she trusted, leading to a breakdown in communication with her mother. The emotional tone of this scene is tense, emotional, and distressing. The scene ends with Rachel screaming for her mother after hearing the phone drop, indicating a moment of heightened tension and distress.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Realistic dialogue
  • Strong character development
Weaknesses
  • Potentially triggering content
  • Lack of resolution in the scene

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is emotionally charged and intense, effectively conveying the shock and betrayal experienced by the characters.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of online exploitation and the repercussions of misplaced trust are effectively portrayed, making the scene engaging and thought-provoking.

Plot: 7

The plot unfolds with a strong emotional impact, revealing the consequences of the characters' actions and decisions.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the theme of online exploitation and cyberbullying, shedding light on the emotional consequences of such actions. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and relatable.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-developed and their emotional turmoil is palpable, adding depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 7

Rachel undergoes a significant emotional change, moving from trust to betrayal, which adds depth to her character.

Internal Goal: 8

Rachel's internal goal in this scene is to come to terms with her own naivety and vulnerability, as well as to seek comfort and understanding from her mother.

External Goal: 7

Rachel's external goal is to deal with the consequences of being exploited online and to seek help and support from her mother.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between trust and betrayal drives the scene, creating tension and emotional turmoil.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Rachel facing a difficult and emotionally charged situation that challenges her beliefs and values. The audience is left uncertain about the outcome.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high as Rachel's trust is shattered, leading to potential consequences for her reputation and relationships.

Story Forward: 7

The scene reveals important information about the characters and their relationships, moving the story forward effectively.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twist of Rachel's online exploitation and the emotional turmoil it causes. The audience is kept on edge wondering how she will navigate this situation.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the clash between trust and deception, as well as the consequences of online interactions and exploitation. This challenges Rachel's beliefs about herself and others.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions in the audience, particularly sadness and anger, making it impactful.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is raw and emotional, effectively conveying the characters' pain and vulnerability.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense emotional content, relatable characters, and high stakes. The audience is drawn into the conflict and invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the characters' emotional journey.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene adheres to the expected format for its genre, enhancing the readability and flow of the dialogue and action descriptions.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, effectively building tension and drama through the characters' interactions.


Critique
  • The scene effectively sets up the emotional turmoil Rachel is experiencing after discovering nude pictures of herself on a website.
  • The dialogue between Rachel and Dr. Greenbaum feels authentic and conveys the shock and betrayal Rachel is feeling.
  • The use of the computer monitor to visually show the audience the explicit content adds to the impact of the scene.
  • The tension and conflict between Rachel and Dr. Greenbaum are palpable, showcasing the strained relationship between them.
  • The scene effectively conveys Rachel's vulnerability and naivety in falling for someone's charm and manipulation.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more emotional depth to Rachel's character by exploring her feelings of betrayal and violation in more detail.
  • Introduce subtle hints or foreshadowing about the person who manipulated Rachel to add intrigue and suspense.
  • Explore Dr. Greenbaum's reaction and emotional turmoil further to deepen the impact of the scene.
  • Consider incorporating flashbacks or memories to show the audience how Rachel fell into the trap of believing someone's false affection.
  • End the scene with a cliffhanger or a revelation that leaves the audience wanting to know more about Rachel's situation.



Scene 3 -  Confrontation and Homely Gatherings
4 INT. THERAPIST'S OFFICE BUILDING - HALLWAY - DAY 4

Doctor Greenbaum bolts out of her office and spots
Sebastian standing in the elevator.

DR. GREENBAUM
You son of a bitch.

Doctor Greenbaum races down the hall pushing several
people out of her way. Sebastian stares at her
expressionless as the elevator doors close.

DR. GREENBAUM (cont'd)
You're gonna pay for this you little
shit. You hear me.

A DENTIST peers outside of his office to see what's
going on. He exchanges looks with Doctor Greenbaum.

DR. GREENBAUM (cont'd)
Fuck off, Harold.

He gasps.

5 EXT. VALMONT TOWNHOUSE - DAY 5

A METER MAID is writing a ticket on a car when a Porsche
pulls up in front of the townhouse and parks in a red
zone. Sebastian steps out of the car and walks up the
steps to the townhouse.

METER MAID
You can't park there.

Sebastian turns to her and sneers. He takes out a wad of
money and shoves it in her breast pocket before entering
the townhouse.

6 INT. VALMONT TOWNHOUSE - KITCHEN - DAY 6

A SERIES OF SHOTS

CLOSE ON: A tuna on a chopping board. WHACK! A butcher
knife comes down on the tuna cutting it's head off.

CLOSE ON: Two hands ripping open the fish.

CLOSE ON: Two hands rolling a chunk of tuna into a rice
roll.

7 INT. VALMONT TOWNHOUSE - HALLWAY - DAY 7

CLOSE ON: Two hands which carry a lavish tray of sushi
through several doors until we enter the final door
leading into -

8 INT. VALMONT TOWNHOUSE - LIVING ROOM - DAY 8

A enormous living room by Manhattan standards, with a
view that overlooks the park. Eclectic art from around
the world emphasize the Valmont's passion for travel.

SOOK-HEE, the Valmont's housekeeper sets a tray of sushi
in front of -

KATHRYN MERTEUIL, a seventeen year old porcelain
skinned WASP with all the grooming you could want in an
East Coast child. She sits with a forced smile on her
face and listens attentively as -

BUNNY CALDWELL, a forty year old nouveau-riche socialite
talks incessantly. CECILE CALDWELL, her beautiful
teenage daughter, sits by her side. She wears a T-shirt
with a Koala Bear on it.

MRS. CALDWELL
I can't tell you how happy we are that
Cecile is going to be attending Oakwood with you
this fall. You've always been an
inspiration to Beau and I on raising
her. We just hope she can rise to the
high standards which you've set for
her.

KATHRYN
I'll do my best.

Sook-Hee pours a dish of soy sauce in front of Kathryn.
KATHRYN (cont'd)
(to Sook-Hee, in Vietnamese)
Thank you, Sook-Hee. That will be
all.

Sook-Hee leaves.

CECILE
What was that?

KATHRYN
I was thanking her. Vietnamese is such a
beautiful language.

MRS. CALDWELL (cont'd)
Kathryn is a straight A student at
Oakwood as well as being President of
the French Club. Listen to whatever
she has to say and you'll go far.

KATHRYN
(in French)
You're too kind.

MRS. CALDWELL
How do you do it? I mean with all peer pressuring
that goes on in high school. Where
do you get your strength?

KATHRYN
I know this sounds corny, but whenever
I feel temptations of peer pressure,
I...
(takes out her crucifix)
turn to God and he helps me through the
problem. Call me an anachronism, but
it works.

MRS. CALDWELL
That's beautiful.

CECILE
What are the boys like?

MRS. CALDWELL
Cecile, is that the best you can do?
(to Kathryn)
You must forgive her, Kathryn. She's never
been in a co-educational atmosphere before.

KATHRYN
Don't worry, it's totally understandable.
Most of the boys that matriculate at Oakwood
are very upstanding gentleman, however
there are the occasional bad apples.

MRS. CALDWELL
Like your step-brother Sebastian. I can't
believe they didn't expel him after what he
did to the school nurse.

SEBASTIAN (O.S.)
I hear she's recovering quite well.

Mrs. Caldwell turns to see Sebastian standing in the
doorway. He walks over and takes a seat.

SEBASTIAN (cont'd)
Nice to see you again, Mrs. Caldwell.

MRS. CALDWELL
You remember my daughter, Cecile.

SEBASTIAN
My, what an adorable shirt you're
wearing.

CECILE
My father just took me on a trip to Australia.

SEBASTIAN
How are things down under? Blossoming I hope.

KATHRYN
Cecile's attending Oakwood in the fall.

SEBASTIAN
Outstanding.

CECILE
What year are you in?

SEBASTIAN
I'm what you would call a fifth year senior.

CECILE
But I thought high school is only four years.

SEBASTIAN
It is, unless you're a fuck up, like myself.

He winks at Cecile.

MRS. CALDWELL
I think we'll be going now.
(to Kathryn)
Thanks for all your help.

Kathryn stands and approaches Cecile.

KATHRYN
I'll call you later and we'll get together
and plan your curriculum.
CECILE
Thanks.
(to Sebastian)
Nice meeting you.

SEBASTIAN
Ciao.

MRS. CALDWELL
Let's go, Cecile. Now!

Cecile follows Mrs. Caldwell out the door. Kathryn
closes the door behind them.

SEBASTIAN
Do you care to tell me what Mrs. White-trash
and her stupid daughter are doing in my
house?

KATHRYN
I'm just taking the poor girl under my wing.

Kathryn sits on the sofa next to Sebastian. She unscrews
her crucifix. The top part becomes a small spoon and the
bottom part a small vial of coke.

KATHRYN (cont'd)
The parental units called while you were out.

SEBASTIAN
Lovely. How is your gold digging whore of a
mother enjoying Bali? Zipping through my
inheritance per usual?

KATHRYN
Hopefully, though she suspects that your
decrepit alcoholic father is diddling the
maid.

Kathryn uses her crucifix as a coke-spoon and snorts a
bump.

KATHRYN (cont'd)
What's wrong with you today? Therapy not
going well?

SEBASTIAN
It was fine.

He leaps off the sofa and starts to pace.

SEBASTIAN (cont'd)
I'm sick of sleeping with these insipid
Manhattan Debutantes.

He walks over to the wall where nude Botticelli hangs.
SEBASTIAN (cont'd)
Nothing shocks them anymore.

He scratches the nude's pubic area.

SEBASTIAN (cont'd)
I'm beginning to feel like I'm losing my
touch.

He kisses it.

KATHRYN
Oh, poor baby. Well you can relax. I have
a mission for you.

SEBASTIAN
What?
Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

Summary In the hallway, Dr. Greenbaum confronts Sebastian, expressing anger and threats. Meanwhile, Kathryn engages in discussions about school and peer pressure with Mrs. Caldwell, Cecile, and Sook-Hee. Sebastian arrives and participates in witty banter with the group. Kathryn reveals a mission for Sebastian, leaving the scene with unresolved conflicts and underlying tensions.
Strengths
  • Sharp dialogue
  • Complex characters
  • Intriguing family dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Some cliched character interactions
  • Slightly predictable plot points

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is engaging, filled with tension, and sets up intriguing dynamics between the characters.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of family secrets, manipulation, and deception is well-executed and adds depth to the story.

Plot: 7

The plot thickens with the introduction of family dynamics and hidden agendas.

Originality: 9

The scene demonstrates a high level of originality through its fresh take on familiar themes of wealth, power, and manipulation. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and unpredictable, adding depth and complexity to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed, with complex relationships and motivations.

Character Changes: 6

There are subtle shifts in the characters' dynamics, but no significant changes in this scene.

Internal Goal: 8

Sebastian's internal goal in this scene is to break free from the expectations and constraints of his privileged upbringing and find a sense of authenticity and fulfillment in his life. His actions and dialogue reflect a desire for rebellion and self-discovery.

External Goal: 7

Sebastian's external goal in this scene is to navigate the social dynamics and power struggles within his wealthy social circle, while also dealing with the consequences of his rebellious behavior. His actions and dialogue reflect a desire to challenge societal norms and assert his independence.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

There is a high level of conflict between the characters, both overt and subtle.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with characters like Kathryn and Sebastian engaging in power struggles, manipulation, and conflict that create tension and drive the narrative forward. The audience is left unsure of how the characters will navigate their complex relationships and challenges.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are high in terms of reputation, family secrets, and personal relationships.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by revealing more about the characters and their relationships.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the characters' unexpected actions, sharp dialogue, and shifting power dynamics. The audience is kept on their toes, unsure of how the scene will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is between conformity and rebellion, tradition and modernity, and authenticity versus societal expectations. Sebastian's actions challenge the values and norms of his social circle, leading to tension and conflict.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from tension to cynicism.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is sharp, witty, and reveals the characters' true intentions and emotions.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its sharp dialogue, intriguing characters, and dynamic power dynamics. The tension and conflict between the characters keep the audience invested in the story and eager to see what happens next.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by balancing dialogue, action, and character interactions in a way that keeps the story moving forward and maintains the audience's interest.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with proper scene headings, action lines, and dialogue formatting that enhances readability and clarity.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene transitions, character introductions, and dialogue that advances the plot and reveals character motivations.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear transition from the previous scene, making it feel disjointed.
  • The confrontation between Dr. Greenbaum and Sebastian in the hallway feels forced and lacks depth in terms of character development.
  • The dialogue between Dr. Greenbaum and Sebastian is cliched and lacks subtlety in conveying the tension between them.
  • The introduction of the dentist character feels random and unnecessary, adding confusion to the scene.
  • Sebastian's interaction with the meter maid and his behavior towards her comes off as overly aggressive and unlikable.
  • The transition from the hallway to the Valmont townhouse is abrupt and could be smoother to maintain the flow of the story.
  • The series of shots in the kitchen and the sushi preparation feel disconnected from the main storyline and do not add much to the scene.
  • The dialogue between Kathryn, Mrs. Caldwell, and Cecile lacks depth and comes off as superficial, missing an opportunity to delve into more meaningful interactions.
  • Sebastian's dialogue with Cecile and Mrs. Caldwell feels forced and lacks authenticity, making his character less believable.
  • The use of the crucifix as a coke-spoon by Kathryn feels contrived and adds unnecessary shock value to the scene.
  • The pacing of the scene is inconsistent, jumping from one interaction to another without allowing for meaningful development or exploration of the characters.
  • The scene lacks a clear focus or central conflict, making it feel scattered and unfocused.
Suggestions
  • Consider revising the transition between scenes to create a smoother flow and maintain continuity.
  • Develop the confrontation between Dr. Greenbaum and Sebastian to add depth to their relationship and explore their motivations further.
  • Refine the dialogue to make it more nuanced and realistic, focusing on character development and subtlety in interactions.
  • Integrate the series of shots in the kitchen and sushi preparation more seamlessly into the main storyline or consider removing them to streamline the scene.
  • Focus on creating more authentic and meaningful interactions between characters to drive the plot forward and engage the audience.
  • Avoid using shock value for the sake of it and instead focus on building tension and conflict through character dynamics and dialogue.
  • Ensure a consistent pacing throughout the scene to allow for proper character development and exploration of themes.
  • Establish a central conflict or theme to anchor the scene and drive the interactions between characters towards a meaningful resolution.



Scene 4 -  Manipulative Schemes and Seductive Bets
9 EXT. PARK - DAY 9

COURT REYNOLDS, an Aryan seventeen year old preppy, wears
a Polo sweater with an American Flag.

KATHRYN (V.O.)
You know Court Reynolds, son of Garret
Reynolds?

Kathryn steps into frame and embraces him. She is wearing
the same sweater. He kisses her forehead and messes
up her hair.

SEBASTIAN (V.O.)
You mean the Nazi who dumped you over Fourth
Of July Weekend?

10 INT. VALMONT TOWNHOUSE - LIVING ROOM - DAY 10

Kathryn throws a sushi at him. Sebastian catches it.

KATHRYN
He didn't dump me. We had a parting of
the ways.

Sebastian stares her down.

KATHRYN (cont'd)
Alright he dumped me.

He smiles, then swallows the sushi.

11 EXT. PUBLIC PARKING GARAGE/INT. COURT' S CAR - NIGHT 11

A drunk Court sits in the driver's side and takes a final
swig from his flask. He quickly passes out.

KATMRYN (V.O.)
I went to great lengths to please Court.
Huge sacrifices were made on my part to
keep him happy.

Kathryn rises up INTO FRAME, looks at Court and scowls.

SEBASTIAN(V.O.)
Swallow?

She spits on him, then wipes her mouth.

KATHRYN (V.O.)
What do you think?

Kathryn sprays her mouth with Binaca.

SEBASTIAN (V.O.)
Sorry.

12 INT. VALMONT TOWNHOUSE - LIVING ROOM - DAY 12

KATHRYN
In any event, my feelings were hurt when I
learned that he had fallen for someone else.
Someone chaste... pure... innocent.

SEBASTIAN
You don't mean?

13 EXT. PARK - DAY 13

Cecile turns toward the camera, while eating a double scoop
ice cream cone and wearing a Mickey Mouse Club hat.

KATHRYN (V.O.)
None other than Cecile Caldwell.

She takes a lick of the ice cream, which falls off the cone.
She mouths the word "shoot" and stomps her feet

14 INT. VALMONT TOWNHOUSE - LIVING ROOM - DAY 14

Sebastian snickers.

KATHRYN
I don't find this very funny,

SEBASTIAN
So that's what this is all about.
(imitating Kathryn)
We'll get together and plan your
curriculum.

KATHRYN
Keep your friends close and your
enemies closer. When I get through
with her, she'll be the premier Blow
Job Queen of the Tri-State area and
poor little Court's heart will be
shattered.

SEBASTIAN
Why go through Cecile? Why not just
attack Court?

KATHRYN
Because if there's an attack made on
Court it could be traced back to me.
I can't allow that to happen.
Everybody loves me and I intend to
keep it that way.

SEBASTIAN
I see your point... though why should
I care?

KATHRYN
I need you to seduce our young Cecile.
Introduce her to your world of
decadence and debauchery.

SEBASTIAN
Sounds intriguing.

KATHRYN
She's quite cute you know. Young
supple breasts, a tight firm ass and
an uncharted pootie.

Sebastian watches Kathryn rub herself. He licks his
lips.

KATHRYN (cont'd)
Be her Captain Picard, Valmont.
Boldly go where no man has gone
before.

Sebastian places his hand over Kathryn's as she continues
to rub herself. He thinks for a moment, then:

SEBASTIAN
I can't.

Kathryn throws his hand off of hers.

KATHRYN
Why not?

SEBASTIAN
Oh come on, Kathryn. It's too easy.
"But I thought high school was only
four years." I mean, please. She knows
nothing. She's seen nothing. I could
have her under the table at Au Bar
sucking me off before the appetizer
arrived. Go get one of those moron
friends of yours to do it. I have a
reputation to uphold.

KATHRYN
Oh but diddling the therapist's
daughter is a challenge?

SEBASTIAN
That was just simple revenge. What I
have planned requires sheer genius.

He takes a magazine and throws it on the table. Kathryn
picks it up. It's the latest issue of "Seventeen."

KATHRYN
I'm not interested in the latest dating
tips from Jonathan Taylor Thomas.

SEBASTIAN
Shut up and turn to page 64.

She turns to the page. INSERT MAGAZINE ARTICLE: The title
reads: A VIRGIN'S MANIFESTO. "Why I Plan To Wait
Until Marriage," by Annette Harrison. Age 17. Kansas
City, Missouri.

KATHRYN
Jesus Christ, is she for real?

SEBASTIAN
Oh yes. I've read it over and over again.
This baby's the real deal. Daddy's little
angel. A paradigm of chastity and
virtue.

KATHRYN
B.F.D. What do you plan to do? Fly to
Kansas and woo little Dorothy.

SEBASTIAN
It just so happens we're not in Kansas
anymore. Our little angel's father has
accepted the new headmaster position at
Oakwood. She's staying with my aunt up
in Connecticut while Daddy sells his
house. Can you imagine what this would
do for my reputation? Screwing the new
headmaster's virginal daughter before
school starts? It will be my greatest
victory.

KATHRYN
You don't stand a chance. Even this is
out of your league.

SEBASTIAN
Care to make a wager on that?

KATHRYN
I'll think about it...

SEBASTIAN
Oh well, duty calls. Time to add another
chapter to my work of art.

He holds up a leather bound JOURNAL.

KATHRYN
Oh gee, your journal. Could you be more
queer?

SEBASTIAN
Could you be more desperate to read it?

Sebastian stands to leave and heads to the door.

KATHRYN
Oh Sebastian. About that little wager
of yours.

He stops.

KATHRYN (cont'd)
Count me in.

SEBASTIAN
What are the terms?

KATHRYN
If you lose, then that hot little Porsche
of yours is mine.

SEBASTIAN
And if I win?

She approaches him.

KATHRYN
I'll give you something you've been
jerking off about ever since our parents
got married.

SEBASTIAN
Be more specific.

KATHRYN
In English.
(whispers in his ear)
I'll fuck your brains out.

SEBASTIAN
What makes you think I'd go for that
bet? That's a seventy thousand dollar
car.

KATHRYN
Because I'm the only person you can't
control and it kills you.

Sebastian sneers at her.

KATHRYN (cont'd)
Do we have a deal?

SEBASTIAN
No way, that car means everything to
me.

She kisses him and licks her tongue over his lips.

KATHRYN
(whispering)
You can put it anywhere.

SEBASTIAN
Even there?

KATHRYN
(baby talk)
It would feel so yummy.

Sebastian hesitates, then shakes her hand.

KATHRYN (cont'd)
Happy hunting.
Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

Summary In this scene, Kathryn and Sebastian discuss their plan to manipulate Cecile and Annette for their own gain. They make a bet involving Sebastian's Porsche and a sexual favor, setting the stage for future manipulation and deceit. The emotional tone is manipulative, scheming, and sexually charged, with visual elements highlighting the contrast between innocence and manipulation.
Strengths
  • Sharp dialogue
  • Complex characters
  • High stakes
  • Engaging plot
Weaknesses
  • Potentially controversial content
  • Manipulative behavior portrayed in a negative light

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is engaging and intriguing, with strong character dynamics and high stakes. The dialogue is sharp and witty, keeping the audience captivated.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a manipulative bet for seduction and revenge adds depth to the characters and drives the plot forward. It sets up conflict and tension for future developments.

Plot: 7

The plot advances through the characters' scheming and manipulation, setting up the bet and establishing the stakes. It sets the stage for future conflicts and developments.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces unique characters and situations, with a fresh take on revenge and manipulation in a privileged social setting. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed, with complex motivations and dynamics. Their interactions drive the scene and reveal their manipulative and flirtatious natures.

Character Changes: 7

Both characters undergo subtle changes in their dynamic as they engage in the bet, revealing new layers to their personalities and motivations.

Internal Goal: 9

Kathryn's internal goal is to maintain her reputation and control over her social circle. She is driven by a desire for power and influence.

External Goal: 8

Kathryn's external goal is to manipulate Cecile and Sebastian to achieve her revenge on Court. She wants to maintain her status and control over her peers.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between the characters is high, with manipulation, seduction, and revenge at the forefront. The tension drives the scene and sets up future confrontations.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with characters facing internal and external conflicts that challenge their goals and motivations. The audience is left wondering how the characters will navigate these obstacles.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in the scene, with the bet involving reputation, seduction, and revenge. The outcome will have significant consequences for the characters.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by setting up the bet and establishing the characters' motivations and conflicts. It paves the way for future developments.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable due to the characters' shifting alliances, hidden agendas, and unexpected twists. The audience is kept on their toes, unsure of the characters' true intentions.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict revolves around the characters' moral values and ethics. Kathryn's manipulative and ruthless nature clashes with Sebastian's more calculated and strategic approach.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from seduction to manipulation to confrontation. The characters' interactions create intrigue and tension.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is sharp, witty, and revealing of the characters' personalities. It drives the scene forward and keeps the audience engaged.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its sharp dialogue, tension-filled interactions, and complex character dynamics. The power struggles and manipulative tactics keep the audience hooked.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a balance of dialogue, action, and tension-building moments. The rhythm of the scene contributes to its effectiveness and impact.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions. The formatting enhances the readability and impact of the dialogue.

Structure: 9

The scene follows a clear structure with well-defined character motivations and conflicts. The pacing and formatting enhance the tension and intrigue.


Critique
  • The scene lacks subtlety and relies heavily on shock value and provocative dialogue to create tension.
  • The characters' interactions feel forced and unrealistic, with exaggerated behavior and dialogue that doesn't ring true.
  • The scene focuses too much on sexual innuendos and explicit content, detracting from the overall storytelling and character development.
  • The dynamics between Kathryn and Sebastian feel one-dimensional and lack depth, making their interactions feel superficial.
  • The scene lacks nuance and complexity, opting for sensationalism over meaningful character interactions and plot development.
Suggestions
  • Focus on developing more authentic and nuanced dialogue that reflects the characters' motivations and emotions.
  • Consider toning down the explicit content and focusing on building tension through subtlety and subtext.
  • Work on creating more dynamic and multi-dimensional characters to add depth and complexity to the scene.
  • Explore different ways to create conflict and tension without relying on shock value or provocative language.
  • Ensure that the scene serves the overall narrative and character arcs, rather than relying on sensationalism for impact.



Scene 5 -  A Pleasant Ride and an Invitation
15 EXT. ROSEMOND ESTATE - AERIAL SHOT - DAY 15

WE MOVE across the sky looking down at lush greens and
stately mansions till WE PASS over the ROSEMOND ESTATE.
Enormous in size. WE SEE two riders on horseback.

16 EXT. ESTATE - MEADOW - DAY 16

ANGLE ON: The two horseback riders. One, a woman of
seventy. This is HELEN ROSEMOND, Sebastian's aunt.
The other rider is a beautiful seventeen year old girl.
The one and only ANNETTE HARRISON.

ANNETTE
It's a beautiful home you have here
Mrs. Rosemond.

AUNT HELEN
Thank you, Annette. Chance Hill has been
with my family for over sixty years.
Does your family do much riding?

ANNETTE
My mother and I used to ride a lot,
before she got sick.

AUNT HELEN
I'm sorry about that.

ANNETTE
My Grandpa, used to breed horses on his
farm so I would come over and ride all
the time.

AUNT HELEN
I'm familiar with a lot of breeders in
the mid-west. What's his name?

ANNETTE
Ben Schwarz.

AUNT HELEN
Schwarz. Jewish?

ANNETTE
German.

AUNT HELEN
Doesn't ring a bell.

Annette throws her a concerned look.

AUNT HELEN (cont'd)
In any event, I want you to consider
this your home for the time being.

ANNETTE
Thank you. It's so peaceful and quiet
around here.

BANG! A shotgun sounds in the distance.

ANNETTE (cont'd)
What was that?

AUNT HELEN
Sebastian must be here.

Aunt Helen gallops down the ridge followed by Annette.
Genres: ["Drama","Romance"]

Summary Aunt Helen and Annette take a refreshing horseback ride through the picturesque Rosemond Estate. Annette expresses admiration for the estate, and Aunt Helen offers her sincere condolences regarding Annette's mother's illness. Despite Annette mentioning her grandfather's horse breeding farm, Aunt Helen doesn't seem familiar with the name. Aunt Helen extends an invitation for Annette to stay at the estate. The sound of a shotgun in the distance suggests that Annette's presence has been acknowledged.
Strengths
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Character development
  • Setting establishment
Weaknesses
  • Low conflict level
  • Lack of significant character changes

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively introduces Annette's character and provides insight into her past while setting up a serene atmosphere at the Rosemond Estate. The shotgun sound at the end adds intrigue and foreshadows Sebastian's arrival.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a chance encounter between Annette and Aunt Helen at the Rosemond Estate is well-executed, providing a glimpse into Annette's background and the tranquil setting of the estate. The introduction of the shotgun sound adds a layer of suspense to the scene.

Plot: 7

The plot progresses by introducing Annette to Aunt Helen and establishing the peaceful environment of the Rosemond Estate. The shotgun sound at the end hints at Sebastian's presence, setting up future developments.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces unique characters and explores themes of family, heritage, and belonging in a fresh and engaging way. The authenticity of the dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

Annette and Aunt Helen are well-developed characters in the scene, with Annette sharing her background and Aunt Helen displaying warmth and concern. Their interaction adds depth to the characters and sets the tone for future interactions.

Character Changes: 4

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, Annette's backstory and interaction with Aunt Helen provide insight into her past experiences and set the stage for potential growth in future scenes.

Internal Goal: 8

Annette's internal goal is to find a sense of belonging and peace in her new surroundings, as she navigates her past and present experiences with horseback riding.

External Goal: 7

Annette's external goal is to adapt to her new environment and build a connection with Aunt Helen and the estate.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 3

There is a low level of conflict in the scene, with the focus more on character interaction and setting establishment. The shotgun sound at the end hints at potential conflict to come.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is moderate, with hints of potential conflict and tension between the characters.

High Stakes: 4

The stakes are relatively low in this scene, focusing more on character development and setting establishment. The shotgun sound at the end hints at potential conflicts to come, raising the stakes for future scenes.

Story Forward: 6

The scene moves the story forward by introducing Annette to Aunt Helen and establishing the tranquil setting of the Rosemond Estate. The shotgun sound at the end hints at future developments involving Sebastian.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected shotgun sound and the potential conflict it may introduce.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict revolves around cultural and familial differences, as Annette and Aunt Helen discuss their backgrounds and heritage.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The scene evokes a sense of warmth and concern through Aunt Helen's interaction with Annette. Annette's backstory adds an emotional layer to the scene, making it more engaging for the audience.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue between Annette and Aunt Helen is engaging and reveals important information about Annette's past and her connection to horses. The conversation flows naturally and helps establish the characters' personalities.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the dynamic interactions between Annette and Aunt Helen, as well as the sense of mystery and intrigue introduced by the shotgun sound.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-balanced, with a mix of dialogue and action that keeps the audience engaged and interested.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to industry standards for a screenplay, with clear scene headings and character actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a traditional structure for a character-driven drama, with a clear focus on dialogue and character development.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear sense of purpose or conflict, making it feel somewhat aimless and disconnected from the overall narrative.
  • The dialogue between Aunt Helen and Annette feels somewhat forced and unnatural, lacking depth and emotional resonance.
  • The exposition about Annette's family history with horse breeding comes across as contrived and unnecessary, failing to add meaningful depth to the characters or the story.
  • The transition from the aerial shot to the conversation between Aunt Helen and Annette feels abrupt and disjointed, lacking a smooth flow.
  • The shotgun sound in the distance at the end of the scene feels like a forced attempt to create suspense without a clear payoff or follow-up.
Suggestions
  • Introduce a clear conflict or tension between Aunt Helen and Annette to drive the scene forward and engage the audience.
  • Focus on developing more authentic and meaningful dialogue between the characters to deepen their relationships and add emotional depth to the scene.
  • Consider streamlining the exposition about Annette's family history to make it more relevant and impactful to the overall story.
  • Work on creating a smoother transition between the aerial shot and the conversation to maintain a cohesive narrative flow.
  • Provide a more satisfying resolution or follow-up to the shotgun sound at the end of the scene to pay off the suspense and intrigue it creates.



Scene 6 -  Sebastian's Missed Target
17 EXT. ESTATE - GARDEN - DAY 17

Sebastian stands holding a shotgun. A groundskeeper,
FRANKLIN stands by the trap.

SEBASTIAN
Pull!

The TARGET soars into the air,

SEBASTIAN (cont'd)
Die motherfucker!

He fires the gun, missing the target.

SEBASTIAN (cont'd)
Shit, shit, shit.

Franklin shakes his head. WE HEAR a cat MEOW. Sebastian
perks up.

SEBASTIAN (cont'd)
Kitty. Kitty.

He quietly reloads his rifle. WE HEAR the cat MEOW
again. Sebastian searches for the cat.

SEBASTIAN (cont'd)
Puss Puss Puss Puss Puss.

He raises his rifle and takes aim.

AUNT HELEN (O.S.)
Sebastian!

He lowers his rifle and turns to SEE Aunt Helen and
Annette riding over to him. He waves.

Aunt Helen dismounts from her horse and they hug.

SEBASTIAN (cont'd)
I've been looking all over for you.
God, I've missed you.

AUNT HELEN
I've missed you too. How are your
parents?

SEBASTIAN
They're coming back next week. I write
them everyday.

She strokes his cheek, lovingly.

AUNT HELEN
Sebastian, this is Annette Harrison.
She's going to be staying with me for
a few weeks.

SEBASTIAN
I guess that makes two of us. Welcome.

He extends his hand and they shake.

SEBASTIAN (cont'd)
(to Aunt Helen)
Why don't you head in and whip us up
some of that ice tea of yours? We'll
take care of the horses.

AUNT HELEN
Anything for you, my dear.

Sebastian climbs on Aunt Helen's horse.

AUNT HELEN (cont'd)
Stay out of trouble you two.

SEBASTIAN & ANNETTE
We will.

He smiles at Annette and beckons her to follow.
Genres: ["Drama","Romance"]

Summary Sebastian practices shooting in his garden but misses the target and is distracted by a cat. Aunt Helen and a new character, Annette, arrive on horseback to interrupt his antics. Aunt Helen appears caring, while Annette is a new addition to the household. The scene highlights Sebastian's impulsive nature, Aunt Helen's maternal concern, and the introduction of a new character.
Strengths
  • Intriguing plot development
  • Complex character dynamics
  • Emotional depth
Weaknesses
  • Potential for confusion with multiple plotlines and characters introduced

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively sets up multiple plotlines and character dynamics, creating intrigue and tension.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of manipulation, revenge, and hidden agendas is well-established in this scene, setting the stage for future conflicts.

Plot: 8

The plot thickens with the introduction of new characters and the revelation of secret plans, driving the story forward.

Originality: 9

The scene combines elements of action and emotion in a unique way, creating a fresh approach to a familiar setting. The characters' dialogue feels authentic and adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 7

The characters are intriguing and complex, with hidden motivations and conflicting emotions adding depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 7

Characters undergo subtle changes as their motivations and intentions are revealed, setting the stage for future development.

Internal Goal: 8

Sebastian's internal goal is to connect with his aunt and show affection towards her. This reflects his need for family connection and love.

External Goal: 7

Sebastian's external goal is to entertain and take care of his aunt and her guest. This reflects the immediate circumstances of their visit and his role as a host.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between characters is palpable, with tensions rising and hidden agendas coming to light.

Opposition: 6

The opposition in the scene is mild, with Sebastian facing internal conflicts rather than external obstacles.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high as characters manipulate, betray, and seek revenge, setting the stage for intense conflicts and emotional turmoil.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing new plotlines, conflicts, and character dynamics.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the sudden shift in tone from violence to tenderness, keeping the audience on their toes.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

There is a subtle conflict between Sebastian's violent actions with the shotgun and his loving interaction with his aunt. This challenges his values of aggression versus affection.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The emotional impact of the scene is high, with characters experiencing love, betrayal, and longing.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is sharp and reveals the characters' personalities and intentions effectively.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the mix of action and emotion, keeping the audience invested in the characters' relationships and conflicts.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in balancing action and dialogue, creating a dynamic flow that keeps the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows standard formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene headings and character actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a traditional structure for a character-driven drama, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear purpose or conflict, making it feel disconnected from the overall narrative.
  • Sebastian's behavior with the shotgun and searching for the cat seems random and out of place, not adding much to the character development or plot progression.
  • The dialogue feels forced and unnatural, especially Sebastian's lines like 'Die motherfucker!' and 'Puss Puss Puss Puss Puss.'
  • The interaction between Sebastian, Aunt Helen, and Annette lacks depth and emotional resonance, making it difficult for the audience to connect with the characters.
  • The transition from Sebastian shooting the gun to Aunt Helen and Annette arriving feels abrupt and disjointed.
Suggestions
  • Clarify the purpose of the scene and ensure it contributes to the overall story arc or character development.
  • Consider revising Sebastian's actions with the shotgun to be more meaningful or reflective of his character traits.
  • Work on making the dialogue more natural and authentic to each character's voice.
  • Add emotional depth to the interaction between Sebastian, Aunt Helen, and Annette to make it more engaging for the audience.
  • Smooth out the transition between Sebastian shooting the gun and Aunt Helen and Annette arriving to create a more cohesive flow.



Scene 7 -  Uncomfortable Conversation in the Stable
18 INT. ESTATE - STABLE - DAY 18

Sebastian and Annette put the riding gear away.

SEBASTIAN
So what year are you going into?

ANNETTE
Junior.

SEBASTIAN
Got a boyfriend back home?

ANNETTE
No.

SEBASTIAN
Why not?

ANNETTE
I don't know. Relationships seem too
distracting. I'd rather concentrate on
my studies.

SEBASTIAN
You a lesbo?

ANNETTE
(annoyed)
No.

She bends over to pick up the saddle.

SEBASTIAN
Nice.

She sighs, disgusted, then turns toward him.

ANNETTE
Are you often this offensive on a first
encounter?
SEBASTIAN
I was just being honest. You happen to
have a nice ass. Sorry.

She shakes her head and continues with her chore.

SEBASTIAN
I read your teen beat manifesto.

ANNETTE
You did?

SEBASTIAN
I must say I found it rather appalling.

ANNETTE
That's a first. Most people praised me
for it.

SEBASTIAN
Most people are morons. I mean who are
you to knock what you've never experienced?

ANNETTE
I wasn't knocking anything. It's just my
belief that people shouldn't actually
experience the act of love until they are
in love and that people our age are too
immature to be in touch with those
emotions.

SEBASTIAN
Oh really?

ANNETTE
Take yourself. You've slept with several
women. Are you happier because of it?

SEBASTIAN
How do you know I've been with several
women?

ANNETTE
A friend wrote me.

SEBASTIAN
(pissed)
Well maybe you should get to know the
person before you judge them instead of
listening to some bullshit gossip.

ANNETTE
I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you...
but you still didn't answer the question.

An uncomfortable silence falls between them,
SEBASTIAN
Who the hell is taking the time to write
letters, spreading this shit about me?

ANNETTE
It's not really important.

SEBASTIAN
Fine, forget it. It's obvious that we're
not going to be friends.

ANNETTE
Why are you being so dramatic?

SEBASTIAN
Look, I've got a lot of problems and I'm
trying to deal with them and the last
thing I need is people spreading shit
about me.

ANNETTE
Alright, I said I was sorry.
(beat)
Can we start over again? I think we've
gotten off on the wrong foot.

She approaches him and they shake.

ANNETTE (cont'd)
Annette Harrison.

SEBASTIAN
Sebastian Valmont.

She smiles, but before he releases her hand:

SEBASTIAN (cont'd)
So tell me, Annette. I'm curious, since
you've never had sex do you touch
yourself?

She whisks her hand away and storms out of the stable.

SEBASTIAN (cont'd)
What did I say?
Genres: ["Drama","Romance","Teen"]

Summary In the stable, Sebastian and Annette engage in a tense exchange. Sebastian makes inappropriate comments about Annette, leading to a confrontation. Annette challenges Sebastian's behavior and beliefs, but the conflict remains unresolved as she storms out.
Strengths
  • Sharp dialogue
  • Character development
  • Establishing conflict
Weaknesses
  • Offensive language
  • Lack of resolution in the scene

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively establishes the dynamic between Sebastian and Annette, setting up potential conflicts and character development. The dialogue is engaging and reveals key aspects of the characters' personalities.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring the characters' contrasting views on relationships and sexuality is intriguing and sets up potential conflicts and character development.

Plot: 7

The plot progresses as Sebastian and Annette's relationship is established, hinting at potential conflicts and developments in the story.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh approach to the theme of love and relationships, exploring the characters' conflicting beliefs in a nuanced and confrontational manner. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Sebastian and Annette are well-defined through their dialogue and actions, showcasing their personalities and setting up potential conflicts.

Character Changes: 7

Both Sebastian and Annette experience a shift in their initial impressions of each other, setting the stage for potential character development.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to defend her beliefs and values against the judgment and assumptions of the other character. She wants to assert her independence and intelligence.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to establish a civil relationship with the other character despite their initial conflict. She wants to start over and make a good impression.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

There is a high level of conflict in the scene, primarily driven by the contrasting views and personalities of Sebastian and Annette.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting beliefs and values driving the characters' interactions and creating tension.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are raised as Sebastian and Annette's differing views on relationships and sexuality create tension and potential conflicts.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by establishing the relationship between Sebastian and Annette, hinting at potential conflicts and developments.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected turns in the characters' interactions and the shifting power dynamics between them.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict is evident in the differing beliefs about love and relationships between the characters. The protagonist values emotional connection and maturity, while the other character prioritizes physical experiences.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene elicits a range of emotions, from annoyance to curiosity, as the characters engage in a tense and confrontational interaction.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is sharp, engaging, and reveals key aspects of the characters' personalities, setting up potential conflicts and character development.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the intense and confrontational dialogue that reveals the characters' true intentions and beliefs. The tension between the characters keeps the audience invested in their interactions.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense through the characters' confrontational dialogue and subtle power dynamics.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows standard formatting for a screenplay, with clear character names and dialogue cues that enhance readability.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a typical format for a dialogue-driven interaction between characters, allowing for the development of their conflicting beliefs and values.


Critique
  • The dialogue between Sebastian and Annette comes off as overly offensive and disrespectful, especially with Sebastian's comments about Annette's appearance and personal beliefs.
  • Sebastian's behavior towards Annette is inappropriate and crosses boundaries, making him appear unsympathetic and unlikable.
  • The scene lacks subtlety and nuance in addressing sensitive topics such as sex and personal beliefs, resulting in a heavy-handed approach to character interaction.
  • The transition from Sebastian's defensive outburst to Annette's sudden willingness to start over feels forced and unrealistic, lacking a natural progression in their conversation.
  • The scene ends on a crude and uncomfortable note with Sebastian's inappropriate question to Annette, further emphasizing his disrespectful behavior.
Suggestions
  • Consider toning down Sebastian's offensive remarks and behavior towards Annette to make him a more relatable and sympathetic character.
  • Focus on developing a more nuanced and respectful conversation between Sebastian and Annette, allowing for a deeper exploration of their beliefs and values.
  • Work on creating a more organic and believable progression in the interaction between Sebastian and Annette, avoiding abrupt shifts in tone and character dynamics.
  • Explore alternative ways to address sensitive topics such as sex and personal beliefs with subtlety and depth, adding layers to the characters' interactions.
  • Consider revising the ending of the scene to avoid leaving a negative and uncomfortable impression, ensuring a more balanced and respectful exchange between Sebastian and Annette.



Scene 8 -  A Musical Connection
19 INT. CALDWELL APARTMENT - STUDY - DAY 19

CLOSE ON: A hand stroking the bridge of a cello.

RONALD (O.S.)
That's good, that's good.

WE PULL BACK

Cecile sits in front Of a cello. Next to her sits RONALD
CLIFFORD, a well-mannered fifteen year old African
American. Holding his own cello, he is giving her a
music lesson.

RONALD (cont'd)
Now let's try the A minor scale.

Cecile attempts the A minor scale, fucking up badly.

Kathryn enters and shudders in silence.

RONALD (cont'd)
Once more, and remember the third note
is flat.

Cecile tries again and once again screws up.

CECILE
Oh, I suck. I suck.

RONALD
Relax. It's okay. Take a deep breath.

Cecile takes a deep breath

RONALD (cont'd)
You're concentrating too much on your
bowing. Let it flow.

He stands and sits behind her.

RONALD (cont'd)
Here, let me help you.

He places his hand over hers.

RONALD (cont'd)
Now close your eyes and let's try again.

She closes her eyes and they repeat the scale. It sounds
much better. Ronald takes the moment to study Cecile's
face. It's obvious he's smitten with her.

ON KATHRYN: who watches from the door. A grin crosses
her face.

Ronald replaces her other hand and plays a beautiful Bach
Sonata, with he and Cecile sharing the bowing. He closes
his eyes as the music takes over him. Now Cecile opens
her eyes and gazes into his. The feeling is mutual.

ON KATHRYN: She accidentally bangs her hand onto a table
which causes a metal tray to fall to the ground.

Ronald and Cecile look up as Kathryn replaces the tray

KATHRYN
I'm sorry. I didn't mean to interrupt.
Your playing was beautiful.

Ronald quickly stands and moves away from Cecile

CECILE
Kathryn, this is Ronald Clifford. He's
giving me music lessons over the
summer.

Ronald approaches and shakes Kathryn's hand.

RONALD
Pleased to meet you.

KATHRYN
Likewise I'm sure.

CECILE
Ronald is one of the few high school
students attending Juliard. He's
composing his first opera.

RONALD
It's based on the life of Doctor
Martin Luther King.

CECILE
Doctor King is my favorite.

Ronald shakes his head, but laughs. Cecile looks at him
and smiles. Kathryn rolls her eyes.

RONALD
I guess our hour's up. Same time
tomorrow?

Cecile nods.
Genres: ["Drama","Romance"]

Summary Cecile, a young woman, takes a cello lesson from Ronald, a talented musician who is composing his first opera based on Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.'s life. They share a moment of connection, and Cecile's sister, Kathryn, is impressed by Ronald's playing. They agree to continue the lessons the next day.
Strengths
  • Effective character development
  • Romantic tension
  • Intriguing character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Lack of high stakes
  • Limited focus on external conflicts

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively establishes a romantic subplot while adding depth to the characters and setting up potential conflicts.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of using music as a tool to develop relationships and reveal character dynamics is well-executed.

Plot: 7

The plot progresses by introducing the budding romance between Cecile and Ronald, setting the stage for potential conflicts and developments.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh take on the mentor-student relationship in a music education setting, blending elements of romance and artistic pursuit. The characters' dialogue feels authentic and engaging, adding depth to the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed, with Cecile and Ronald's budding romance adding depth to their personalities. Kathryn's jealousy adds an intriguing layer to her character.

Character Changes: 7

Cecile and Ronald's characters show growth and potential change as they develop a romantic connection, while Kathryn's jealousy hints at future conflicts.

Internal Goal: 8

Cecile's internal goal is to improve her cello playing skills and gain confidence in her abilities. This reflects her desire for self-improvement and validation of her talent.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to successfully complete her music lesson and impress her teacher. This goal reflects the immediate challenge she faces in mastering the A minor scale and receiving positive feedback.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

While there is a subtle conflict introduced through Kathryn's jealousy, the scene primarily focuses on the budding romance between Cecile and Ronald.

Opposition: 6

The opposition in the scene is moderate, with internal conflicts and emotional obstacles challenging the characters' goals. The uncertainty of Cecile's musical performance and Ronald's reactions create tension and intrigue.

High Stakes: 5

While the stakes are not extremely high in this scene, the budding romance and potential conflicts set the stage for higher stakes in the future.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by establishing new relationships, potential conflicts, and character dynamics.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected emotional connections and character dynamics that unfold. The subtle shifts in power dynamics and personal revelations add a layer of unpredictability to the scene.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the pursuit of artistic excellence and the pressure to perform flawlessly. Cecile's self-doubt and Ronald's encouragement highlight the tension between perfectionism and self-acceptance.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes emotions of romance, hope, and intrigue, especially through the musical connection between Cecile and Ronald.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue effectively conveys the emotions and dynamics between the characters, especially during the music lesson scene.

Engagement: 8

This scene is engaging because of its emotional depth, character development, and musical elements. The interactions between the characters create tension and intrigue, drawing the audience into the story.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and emotional resonance, with well-timed character interactions and musical moments. The rhythm of the scene enhances the emotional depth and narrative progression.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene adheres to standard formatting conventions for a screenplay, with clear scene descriptions, character actions, and dialogue formatting. The visual elements are well-defined, enhancing the reader's understanding of the setting and character dynamics.

Structure: 9

The scene follows a clear structure with well-defined character interactions and narrative progression. The dialogue flows naturally, and the pacing is effective in building tension and emotional resonance.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear sense of purpose or direction, as it seems to focus more on showcasing Ronald's musical talent and Cecile's admiration for him rather than advancing the plot or character development.
  • The dialogue feels forced and unnatural at times, especially with Cecile's self-deprecating comments and Ronald's overly supportive responses.
  • Kathryn's sudden entrance and interruption of the music lesson feels contrived and doesn't add much to the scene other than a brief moment of tension.
  • The interaction between Ronald and Cecile, while intended to show a budding romantic connection, comes across as cliched and lacks depth or nuance.
  • The visual elements described in the scene are limited to basic actions and lack vivid imagery or sensory details to fully immerse the reader in the setting.
Suggestions
  • Consider revising the scene to focus more on advancing the plot or revealing key character motivations, rather than just showcasing a musical lesson.
  • Work on making the dialogue more natural and authentic to each character's voice, avoiding cliches or overly dramatic exchanges.
  • Introduce more conflict or tension into the scene to create a sense of urgency or intrigue that propels the story forward.
  • Enhance the visual descriptions to paint a vivid picture of the setting and characters, using sensory details to engage the reader's imagination.
  • Consider reevaluating the purpose of the scene within the overall narrative and ensure that it contributes meaningfully to the development of the story or characters.



Scene 9 -  Secrets and Suspicions
20 EXT. BLAINE'S HOUSE - DAY 20

Another nice home in Connecticut. Sebastian's Porsche is
parked outside.

21 INT. BLAINE'S HOUSE - BEDROOM - DAY 21

A typical teenagers bedroom, expect this one is a shrine
to Herb Ritts homo-erotic art.

BLAINE TUTTLE, Oakwood Prep's resident drug-dealer and
open homosexual, sits at his desk separating pot seeds
from his stash.

Sebastian paces behind him.

SEBASTIAN
Unbelievable. Some fag, no offense -
BLAINE
- none taken -

SEBASTIAN
- wrote a letter to this chick and saying
shit about me.

BLAINE
Any ideas who it could be?

SEBASTIAN
Blaine, if I knew who it was that person
wouldn't be alive right now.

BLAINE
Where did you say she's from?

SEBASTIAN
Kansas. Who the hell do I know in Kansas?

BLAINE
Greg McConnell.

SEBASTIAN
The football stud?

BLAINE
He's from Kansas City. I wouldn't be
surprised if he was your rat.

SEBASTIAN
It would make sense. McConnell hates me.
I fingered his girlfriend at the game
last year.

BLAINE
I don't think that bothered him.

SEBASTIAN
What do you mean?

BLAINE
Let's just say Greg likes tackling tight
ends on and off the field.

SEBASTIAN
Are you shitting me?

BLAINE
I shit you not. McConnell used to sneak
in my dorm room drunk every month. We'd
go at it for a while, then as soon as
he'd cum, he starts freaking out. You
know -
(imitating Greg)
"What are you doing, man? I'm not a fag.
I'll kick your ass if you say anything."
(beat)
It's like, for Christsakes Greg, you're
gay, deal with it. The only reason why
I let him continue with his charade is
because he's got a mouth like a Hoover.

SEBASTIAN
Too bad he's in Kansas this summer.

BLAINE
Not anymore. Football team started
practice last week. He's already called
me to hook up.

SEBASTIAN
Really. You think you could arrange a
little get together with him tonight on
my behalf?

BLAINE
Hmmm. I do believe Bravo is showing
Spartacus on television tonight.

SEBASTIAN
Outstanding.

BLAINE
Don't think it's not going to cost you.

SEBASTIAN
No problem. Just make sure your front
door is unlocked. Shall we say the
"stroke of midnight" no pun intended?

Sebastian hands Blaine two hundred dollar bills.
Genres: ["Drama","Teen","Comedy"]

Summary Sebastian visits Blaine at his house in Connecticut to discuss a letter written about him. Blaine suggests Greg McConnell as a possible suspect and reveals McConnell's hidden sexuality. Sebastian asks Blaine to arrange a meeting with McConnell for that night, leading to a tense and secretive atmosphere with hints of manipulation and intrigue. The scene ends with Sebastian handing Blaine money and making plans for the meeting.
Strengths
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Establishing character dynamics
  • Setting up future conflicts
Weaknesses
  • Lack of emotional depth
  • Minimal character development

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively establishes the tone, themes, and conflict of the story. The dialogue is engaging and reveals important character dynamics. However, the scene could benefit from more emotional depth and character development.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of manipulation and revenge is well-executed in the scene. The dialogue drives the plot forward and sets up future conflicts. The scene effectively introduces the audience to the darker side of the characters' personalities.

Plot: 7

The plot progresses as Sebastian and Blaine discuss their plan, setting up future events in the story. The scene adds layers to the characters' motivations and relationships. However, the plot could be more tightly connected to the overall narrative.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces unique characters and situations, offering a fresh perspective on teenage relationships and identity struggles.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters of Sebastian and Blaine are well-defined through their dialogue and interactions. Sebastian's manipulative nature and Blaine's sarcastic humor shine through in the scene. More depth and development could enhance the characters further.

Character Changes: 6

There is minimal character development in the scene, with Sebastian and Blaine maintaining their established personalities. More growth and change in the characters' motivations and relationships could add depth to the scene.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to uncover the identity of the person who wrote a letter about him, reflecting his need for control and reputation.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to arrange a meeting with a potential suspect, reflecting his immediate challenge of dealing with rumors and threats to his reputation.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between Sebastian and a potential betrayer adds tension to the scene. The manipulation and revenge plotline creates internal and external conflicts for the characters. The conflict drives the narrative forward and sets up future confrontations.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene adds complexity to the protagonist's goals and challenges, creating uncertainty and suspense for the audience.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are moderately high in the scene, as Sebastian plans to confront a potential betrayer and seek revenge. The manipulation and deception add tension and intrigue to the story. Increasing the stakes and consequences of the characters' actions could heighten the drama.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by setting up future events and conflicts. The conversation between Sebastian and Blaine establishes key plot points and character dynamics. The scene effectively builds anticipation for the next developments in the narrative.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected revelations about the characters' relationships and motivations.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the protagonist's struggle with his own identity and the societal expectations of masculinity and sexuality.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The scene lacks emotional depth, focusing more on humor and tension. While the themes of manipulation and revenge are present, the emotional impact on the characters is not fully explored. Adding more emotional complexity could enhance the scene.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is the highlight of the scene, driving the plot and revealing the characters' personalities. The witty banter between Sebastian and Blaine adds humor and tension to the conversation. The dialogue effectively conveys the themes of manipulation and revenge.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the witty dialogue, intriguing character dynamics, and the mystery surrounding the protagonist's situation.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and maintains the audience's interest through well-timed reveals and character interactions.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows standard formatting for a screenplay, making it easy to read and visualize the action.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a typical structure for a dialogue-heavy scene in a screenplay, effectively building tension and revealing character dynamics.


Critique
  • The scene opens with a derogatory term and offensive language towards a homosexual character, which can be seen as insensitive and unnecessary.
  • The dialogue between Sebastian and Blaine is filled with derogatory language and stereotypes, which can be offensive and perpetuate harmful stereotypes.
  • The scene portrays homosexuality in a negative light, with derogatory remarks and insensitivity towards LGBTQ+ individuals.
  • The conversation between Sebastian and Blaine lacks depth and meaningful content, focusing more on shock value and offensive language.
  • The scene perpetuates harmful stereotypes about homosexuality and uses derogatory language that can be hurtful and offensive.
Suggestions
  • Consider revising the dialogue to remove offensive language and derogatory remarks towards LGBTQ+ individuals.
  • Focus on creating meaningful and engaging dialogue that adds depth to the characters and moves the story forward.
  • Avoid using stereotypes and derogatory language that can be harmful and offensive to certain groups of people.
  • Consider exploring the characters' motivations and relationships in a more nuanced and respectful way.
  • Ensure that the scene contributes positively to the overall story and character development without resorting to offensive language or stereotypes.



Scene 10 -  A Lesson in Love
22 EXT. CENTRAL PARK - DAY 22

Kathryn and Cecile sit on a blanket. A lavish picnic lies
around them. Kathryn wears large sunglasses, a scarf and
a hat to protect her from the sunlight. She sits behind
Cecile and braids her hair.

KATHRYN
So, rumor has it that you went on a date
with Court Reynolds. I hear he's very
nice.

CECILE
He's alright.
(giggles)
He kept talking about this bulimic
headcase he dumped over Fourth Of July.

KATHRYN
Really? Bulimic headcase.
CECILE
What a loser she must be.
(beat)
Anyhow, Court's invited me to the Hamptons
for Labor Day Weekend.

KATHRYN
That's great.

CECILE
You think so? I don't know. I guess I'm
just scared.

KATHRYN
What are you scared of?

CECILE
Ah duh. Boys. I've never even gone to
first base with a guy. What do I do?

KATHRYN
Haven't you ever practiced with one of
your girlfriends?

CECILE
Eww. No. That's gross.

KATHRYN
It's not gross. How else do you think
girls learn? Here turn around and
face me.

Cecile turns and faces Kathryn, who removes her glasses.

KATHRYN (cont'd)
Now close your eyes and wet your lips.

CECILE
Are you for real?

KATHRYN
Do you want to learn or not?

CECILE
I guess. It still sounds gross.

Cecile does as instructed. Kathryn leans in and kisses
her on the mouth.

KATHRYN
See that wasn't so bad.

CECILE
It was nothing.

KATHRYN
Let's try it again, only this time I'm
going to stick my tongue in your
mouth. When I do that I want you to
massage my tongue with yours. That's
what first base is.

CECILE
(reluctant)
Okay.

KATHRYN
Eyes closed.

Cecile closes her eyes. Kathryn leans in and kisses her
again, only this time longer. She continues to kiss her
then gently pushes her tongue into Cecile's. Cecile does
as instructed and they start to make out.

Kathryn eyes look towards the ground where Cecile's hands
are now clutching the grass. Kathryn smiles and
continues her seduction.

She places her hand on Cecile's thigh and moves it under
her dress. Cecile lets out a soft sigh.

Kathryn breaks from the kiss. They look at each other
and smile.

KATHRYN (cont'd)
Not bad.

CECILE
That was cool.

KATHRYN
Maybe you should try it on your friend
Ronald sometime.

CECILE
What are you saying?

KATHRYN
Oh come on Cecile. He's crazy about
you.

CECILE
Is it that obvious?

Kathryn nods.

CECILE (cont'd)
He sends me letters you know. Love
letters.

KATHRYN
That's so romantic. Have you
responded?
CECILE
No.

KATHRYN
Well do you like him?

CECILE
I don't know.

KATHRYN
Cecile, we just made out in the middle
of Central Park. You can trust me.

CECILE
(beat)
I do like him. I can't stop thinking
about him.

Cecile starts to cry. Kathryn hugs her.

CECILE (cont'd)
What am I going to do? If my mother
found out about Ronald she would kill
me.

Kathryn grabs her and looks her straight in the eye.

KATHRYN
Listen to me. Your mother must never
know. Never.

CECILE
Okay.

KATHRYN
Did you hide the letters?

CECILE
Yes. They're in this antique doll house
in my room.

KATHRYN
I want you to make me copies of his
letters and bring them to me.

CECILE
Why?

KATHRYN
Cecile if there's one thing I'm great
at it's love letters. With my help,
he'll be eating out of the palm of
your hand. Perhaps we can arrange a
little get together for the two of you
at my house.

CECILE
You'd do that for me?

KATHRYN
Of course I would. We're friends,
right?

CECILE
Best friends.

Cecile kisses her on the cheek and hugs Kathryn.
Genres: ["Drama","Romance"]

Summary Kathryn teaches Cecile how to kiss and make out in Central Park, leading to a realization of Cecile's feelings for her friend Ronald. Kathryn offers to help Cecile with love letters and potentially set up a meeting between her and Ronald.
Strengths
  • Complex character dynamics
  • Emotional depth
  • Intriguing plot development
Weaknesses
  • Potential controversial content
  • Lack of resolution in some character arcs

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively establishes tension and intrigue through the complex dynamics between the characters, as well as the emotional depth and vulnerability displayed by Cecile.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring forbidden desires and manipulation within relationships is intriguing and well-executed.

Plot: 7

The plot advances through the revelation of Cecile's feelings for Ronald and the manipulation by Kathryn, setting up potential conflicts and betrayals.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh and provocative approach to exploring teenage relationships and power dynamics, with authentic dialogue and emotional depth.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed, with Kathryn displaying a manipulative yet caring side, and Cecile showing vulnerability and innocence.

Character Changes: 7

Cecile experiences a shift in her understanding of her feelings for Ronald, while Kathryn's manipulative nature is further revealed.

Internal Goal: 8

Cecile's internal goal in this scene is to navigate her feelings and fears about boys and relationships. It reflects her desire for guidance and acceptance.

External Goal: 7

Cecile's external goal is to navigate her budding romantic feelings for Ronald while keeping it a secret from her mother. It reflects the immediate challenge she faces in her personal life.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

There is a moderate level of conflict present, mainly revolving around the characters' hidden desires and potential betrayals.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, as Cecile grapples with internal and external conflicts that challenge her beliefs and motivations.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are raised as Cecile's secret relationship with Ronald and Kathryn's manipulative intentions come to light.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by deepening the relationships between the characters and setting up potential conflicts and betrayals.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected turn of events and emotional revelations that challenge the characters' beliefs and motivations.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The scene presents a conflict between societal expectations and personal desires, as Cecile grapples with her feelings for Ronald and the potential consequences of her actions.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes emotions of desire, vulnerability, and tension, particularly in Cecile's emotional confession.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is engaging and reveals the characters' motivations and emotions effectively.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intimate and provocative dialogue, emotional depth, and complex character dynamics that draw the audience into the characters' inner lives.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and emotional depth through a natural progression of dialogue and actions.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions that enhance the visual storytelling.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear and engaging structure, with a natural progression of dialogue and actions that build tension and emotional depth.


Critique
  • The scene depicts a manipulative and inappropriate interaction between Kathryn and Cecile, which may be uncomfortable for some viewers.
  • The dialogue and actions in the scene may perpetuate harmful stereotypes and misconceptions about relationships and consent.
  • The scene lacks depth and nuance in exploring the emotional complexities of the characters, particularly Cecile's vulnerability and Kathryn's manipulative behavior.
  • The seduction and manipulation portrayed in the scene could be triggering for some audiences and may not align with ethical storytelling practices.
  • The scene could benefit from a more thoughtful and sensitive approach to addressing themes of sexuality, consent, and manipulation.
Suggestions
  • Consider revising the scene to focus on healthier and more respectful interactions between the characters.
  • Explore the emotional depth and motivations of the characters to create a more nuanced and engaging scene.
  • Ensure that the scene portrays relationships and intimacy in a consensual and respectful manner.
  • Consult with sensitivity readers or experts to ensure that the scene handles sensitive topics appropriately.
  • Consider the impact of the scene on the overall narrative and character development, and make adjustments as needed.



Scene 11 -  Balcony Banter
23 INT. ESTATE - ANNETTE'S GUEST ROOM - NIGHT 23

Little touches of Annette's life (photo of dead mother)
adorn the room. Annette is reading The Fountainhead when
she HEARS singing coming from outside. Unable to
concentrate, she walks out onto the balcony.

24 EXT. ESTATE - ANNETTE'S BALCONY - NIGHT 24

Annette steps onto the balcony.

HER P.O.V. - Sebastian lies in a floating pool chair
sipping a cocktail and listening to his Walkman and
singing Beethoven's "Ode to Joy" in German.

ANNETTE
(calling out)
Excuse me. Excuse me!

SEBASTIAN
You talking to me?

ANNETTE
Look, I know this is your house and all,
but do you think you couid keep it down?
I'm trying to read.

SEBASTIAN
What'cha reading?

ANNETTE
The Fountainhead.

SEBASTIAN
Great book.

ANNETTE
(skeptical)
You've read The Fountainhead?

SEBASTIAN
Several times. I'm not as dumb as I act,
you know. When Howard Roark makes love
to Dominique Francon... most romantic
scene in all of literature.
ANNETTE
Romantic? He rapes her.

SEBASTIAN
That's a matter of opinion.

ANNETTE
You need help.

SEBASTIAN
Why don't you come join me for a swim
and we'll discuss it.

ANNETTE
At this hour? I don't think so.

SEBASTIAN
Oh come on. Quit acting like a
geriatric and get in the pool.

ANNETTE
Gee, with an invitation like that how
could a girl refuse.

SEBASTIAN
Please.

ANNETTE
Give me a minute. I'll be right down.

SEBASTIAN
Thank you.

She re-enters the guest room. Sebastian's cell phone
RINGS. He answers it.

INTERCUT WITH:
Genres: ["Drama","Romance","Comedy"]

Summary While reading in her guest room, Annette confronts Sebastian about his singing. They debate The Fountainhead and agree to swim together, sparking a playful interaction.
Strengths
  • Sharp dialogue
  • Character dynamics
  • Intellectual banter
Weaknesses
  • Lack of emotional depth
  • Limited character development

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is engaging and entertaining, with strong character dynamics and witty dialogue that keeps the audience intrigued.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of intellectual banter between two characters with opposing views adds depth and intrigue to the scene.

Plot: 7

The plot progresses as Sebastian and Annette's relationship is established through their conversation, setting up potential conflicts and dynamics.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to dialogue and character interaction, offering a unique take on conflicting opinions and intellectual discourse. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 9

Sebastian and Annette are well-developed characters with distinct personalities and beliefs, making their interactions compelling and entertaining.

Character Changes: 6

Both Sebastian and Annette's characters are further revealed through their conversation, but significant changes are not evident in this scene.

Internal Goal: 8

Annette's internal goal in this scene is to maintain her focus and privacy while reading. This reflects her desire for solitude and intellectual stimulation.

External Goal: 7.5

Annette's external goal is to confront Sebastian about the noise and disturbance he is causing. This reflects the immediate challenge she is facing in trying to read peacefully.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

There is a subtle conflict between Sebastian and Annette's differing views on literature and relationships, adding tension to their conversation.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting perspectives and character dynamics that create obstacles for the protagonist to overcome.

High Stakes: 6

While the scene sets up potential conflicts and dynamics, the stakes are not extremely high at this point.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by establishing the relationship between Sebastian and Annette and hinting at potential conflicts and developments.

Unpredictability: 7.5

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected turn of events and conflicting opinions that challenge the audience's expectations.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene is evident in the differing opinions on 'The Fountainhead'. Annette sees the romantic scene as rape, while Sebastian views it differently, challenging their beliefs and values.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The scene is more intellectually stimulating than emotionally impactful, focusing on the characters' banter and dynamics.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is sharp, witty, and revealing, showcasing the intelligence and banter between Sebastian and Annette.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the witty banter, conflicting perspectives, and dynamic character interactions that keep the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and maintaining the audience's interest through well-timed dialogue and character actions.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is well-executed, with proper scene headings and dialogue formatting that adheres to industry standards.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character interactions that drive the plot forward.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear sense of purpose or direction, as the interaction between Annette and Sebastian feels forced and lacks depth.
  • The dialogue between Annette and Sebastian comes off as superficial and lacks emotional depth or complexity.
  • Sebastian's behavior towards Annette is disrespectful and inappropriate, which may not resonate well with the audience.
  • The scene could benefit from more subtext and nuance in the interaction between Annette and Sebastian to create a more engaging and meaningful exchange.
  • The transition from Annette reading The Fountainhead to interacting with Sebastian feels abrupt and disjointed, lacking a smooth flow.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more layers to the conversation between Annette and Sebastian to explore their characters' motivations and emotions.
  • Focus on developing a more organic and believable interaction between Annette and Sebastian that aligns with their personalities and the overall tone of the screenplay.
  • Revisit the dialogue to ensure it reflects the characters' depth and complexity, avoiding superficial exchanges.
  • Introduce subtle cues or gestures to convey the characters' emotions and intentions, adding depth to the scene.
  • Work on creating a smoother transition between Annette reading The Fountainhead and her interaction with Sebastian to maintain the scene's coherence.



Scene 12 -  Rejected Advances
25 INT. VALMONT TOWNHOUSE - KATHRYN'S BEDROOM - NIGHT 25

Kathryn sits in her bathrobe. One foot soaks in a small
tub of water while Sook-Hee tends to her other foot.

KATHRYN
Fuck her yet?

SEBASTIAN
I'm working on it.

KATHRYN
Loser.

SEBASTIAN
Blow me.

KATHRYN
Call me later.
SEBASTIAN
Okay.

She hangs up and lights a cigarette. Sook-Hee accidently
jabs her toe.

KATHRYN
Ow. That hurt you stupid bitch.

SOOK-HEE
Sorry.

Kathryn kicks some water in her face.

KATHRYN
Oops.

26 EXT. ESTATE - SWIMMING POOL - NIGHT 26

Annette comes down, wearing a bathrobe. She sits by the
pool as Sebastian treads water away from her.

ANNETTE
(holding out the letter)
You know it amazes me that someone as
bright as you can be so horrible.

SEBASTIAN
What? Another letter from your friend?

ANNETTE
This is my favorite part.
(reading the letter)
Even more treacherous and dangerous than
he is charming and fascinating. He has
never taken a single step or spoken a
single word without some dishonorable
or criminal intention. Every young girl
he has successfully pursued has
regretted it.

SEBASTIAN
You know you could at least have the
decency of telling me who's badmouthing
me so I might have the opportunity to
confront them face to face. How do you
know it's not some girl who's pissed
off at me for breaking up with her?

ANNETTE
I sincerely doubt it.

SEBASTIAN
Give me the fucking letter.

Annette smiles and tears the letter up.
SEBASTIAN (cont'd)
Why did you do that?

ANNETTE
The last thing I need is you going into
my room searching for this while I'm
away.

SEBASTIAN
(mocking)
Is that the last thing you need? My
your clever.

She takes pieces of paper and sticks it in her bathrobe. She
then stands and takes off the robe, revealing a one piece
bathing suit underneath.

ANNETTE
How's the water?

SEBASTIAN
Refreshing.

She dives in the pool and surfaces.

SEBASTIAN (cont'd)
You're right you know.

ANNETTE
About what?

SEBASTIAN
About what you said today in the stable.
I'm not a happy person.

ANNETTE
I never said that.

SEBASTIAN
You implied it.

ANNETTE
Look, I didn't mean to give you a hard
time.

SEBASTIAN
No, it's okay. I mean I look at you
with all your morals and values and
well, YOU seem to be happy in your
choices. I envy you. No bullshit.

ANNETTE
(caught off guard)
Thank you.

SEBASTIAN
Seriously, you're amazing. You have
everything going for you.
(counts with his fingers)
You're smart, you're beautiful, you're
determined. You're everything I want
in a girlfriend.

ANNETTE
(jokingly)
Shut up.

SEBASTIAN
I wasn't kidding. I'd like to take you
out.

ANNETTE
Look, I'm flattered but, seriously it
could never work.

SEBASTIAN
Why not?

ANNETTE
Because you act like a pig.

He swims towards her.

SEBASTIAN
Do you deny that there's an attraction
between us?

ANNETTE
I don't... I don't want to answer that...
look we're friends.

SEBASTIAN
You don't find me cute? Come on, look
at these muscles.

He flexes for her. She laughs.

ANNETTE
I'm sorry, but you're not my type.

SEBASTIAN
Fine. Friends it is. I can live with
that.

He extends his arms out for a hug. She moves in and hugs
him. Her smile turns to a look of horror.

ANNETTE
You're naked.

SEBASTIAN
It's my house.
She pushes him off her.

ANNETTE
That's repulsive.

SEBASTIAN
What's the big deal? We're friends.
Haven't you ever seen your friends
naked before?

Annette climbs out of the pool.

ANNETTE
Get some manners.

She walks into the house.

SEBASTIAN
Sorry, I didn't know you were peenaphobic.

She flips him the bird as she heads into the house.

SEBASTIAN (cont'd)
Oooooo, naughty naughty. Ten Hail
Mary's for you.
(beat)
Good night.
Genres: ["Drama","Romance","Comedy"]

Summary Kathryn gets her feet tended to by Sook-Hee while talking to Sebastian on the phone. Annette confronts Sebastian by the pool about a letter she received, leading to a conversation about their personalities and attraction towards each other. Sebastian tries to make a move on Annette, but she rejects him. Annette discovers Sebastian naked in the pool and leaves in disgust, unresolved conflict lingering between them.
Strengths
  • Sharp dialogue
  • Engaging character interactions
  • Subtle character development
Weaknesses
  • Lack of high stakes
  • Limited external conflict

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is engaging, with strong character interactions and witty dialogue. It sets up potential conflicts and character development.


Story Content

Concept: 7

The concept of the scene revolves around the complex dynamics between Sebastian and Annette, exploring themes of attraction, morality, and personal growth.

Plot: 7

The plot advances as Sebastian and Annette's relationship is further developed, hinting at potential conflicts and resolutions.

Originality: 8

The scene presents a fresh take on the wealthy elite and their manipulative relationships, with authentic dialogue and character interactions.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Sebastian and Annette are well-defined and their interactions are engaging. Their personalities shine through in the dialogue.

Character Changes: 6

There is a slight hint at character growth for Sebastian as he reflects on his behavior and expresses envy towards Annette's values.

Internal Goal: 8

Kathryn's internal goal is to maintain control and power over those around her, as evidenced by her manipulative and dismissive behavior towards Sebastian and Sook-Hee.

External Goal: 7

Sebastian's external goal is to pursue Annette and win her over, despite her initial resistance and skepticism towards him.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

There is a subtle conflict between Sebastian and Annette regarding their differing personalities and values, adding tension to the scene.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting goals and values driving the interactions between the characters.

High Stakes: 5

The stakes are relatively low in this scene, focusing more on character dynamics and development.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by developing the relationship between Sebastian and Annette, setting up potential conflicts and resolutions.

Unpredictability: 8

The scene is unpredictable in its character dynamics and dialogue, keeping the audience on their toes.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the characters' differing values and moral compasses. Sebastian's manipulative and self-serving behavior clashes with Annette's integrity and principles.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene elicits emotions through the characters' interactions and hints at deeper emotional layers to be explored.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is sharp, witty, and reveals the characters' personalities effectively. It drives the scene forward and keeps the audience engaged.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its sharp dialogue, tension between characters, and unexpected twists in the interactions.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and revealing character motivations, leading to a satisfying resolution.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to standard screenplay conventions, making it easy to follow and visualize the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a traditional structure for a dialogue-heavy interaction, with clear character motivations and conflicts.


Critique
  • The scene starts with a casual and somewhat disrespectful conversation between Kathryn and Sebastian, which sets a tone of insensitivity and lack of depth in their relationship.
  • The dialogue between Kathryn and Sebastian lacks depth and meaningful interaction, focusing more on superficial banter and insults.
  • The transition from Kathryn's bedroom to the swimming pool feels abrupt and disjointed, lacking a smooth flow between the two settings.
  • Sebastian's behavior towards Annette is inappropriate and disrespectful, especially when he tries to make a move on her despite her clear discomfort.
  • The scene lacks emotional depth and fails to explore the complexities of the characters' relationships and motivations.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more depth to the dialogue between Kathryn and Sebastian to reveal underlying emotions and conflicts.
  • Focus on creating a more seamless transition between the indoor and outdoor settings to maintain continuity in the scene.
  • Revisit Sebastian's behavior towards Annette to ensure it aligns with his character development and respects Annette's boundaries.
  • Explore the emotional nuances of the characters' interactions to add layers to their relationships and motivations.
  • Consider incorporating moments of vulnerability and introspection to deepen the scene and enhance character development.



Scene 13 -  Sebastian's Manipulation
27 EXT. BLAINE'S HOUSE - NIGHT 27

Sebastian's Porsche is parked outside.

28 INT. BLAINE'S HOUSE - HALLWAY - NIGHT 28

Sebastian presses his ear to the door.

GREG (O.S.)
(moaning)
Oh baby... oh baby...

SEBASTIAN
Baby?
(checks his watch)
Right on time.

29 INT. BLAINE'S HOUSE - BEDROOM - NIGHT 29

GREG McCONNELL, All-American star football player for
Oakwood prep is busy getting his cock sucked by Blaine,
who lies under the covers.

GREG
(near orgasm)
Oh God... Oh God, I'm gonna cum. I'm
gonna cum... I'm gonna...

The door swings open and Sebastian enters.
SEBASTIAN
Hey Blaine, did I leave my... holy
shit.

GREG
Jesus!

Greg throws the covers over his face. Sebastian smiles
and sits. He lights a cigarette. No movement from under
the covers.

SEBASTIAN
Greg, is that you under the covers?

GREG
(from under the covers)
Get out of here.

Sebastian stands YANKS the covers off the bed, revealing
Greg and Blaine.

SEBASTIAN
Whoa!

GREG
I told you to lock the door.

BLAINE
I thought I did.

GREG
Look Valmont. This was the first time
I've ever done something like this. I
was --

SEBASTIAN
(apathetic)
-- really drunk and blah blah blah
blah blah.

GREG
Please don't tell anyone. This could
ruin my career.

SEBASTIAN
Your career? What about your family?
Can you imagine the humiliation your
father's going to feel when he finds
out his pride and joy is a fudge-
packer.

BLAINE
Hey hey hey. Careful Valmont, he's
not a fudge packer. Cum chugger yes
but not a fudge packer.
GREG
(to Sebastian)
Please. I'm begging you. I'll do
anything. Let's just forget the whole
thing.

SEBASTIAN
Hmmmmmmm... nah. I can't help you
there. It's too good to pass up.

Greg starts to cry.

SEBASTIAN (cont'd)
After all, it is you who's bad-
mouthing me to Annette Harrison.

GREG
Annette Harrison? I don't know what
you're talking about.

SEBASTIAN
Come on Greg. You're the only one who
knows her. The truth will save you.

GREG
(sobbing)
I swear on my life, I never said a
word to her about you.

BLAINE
I think he's telling the truth
Valmont. Greg couldn't write a
grocery list let alone a letter.

SEBASTIAN
Alright, I believe you. Stop crying.
Your secret's safe with me.

Greg wipes his eyes.

SEBASTIAN (cont'd)
However, this whole incident's kind of
turned me on.

Sebastian unzips his fly.

SEBASTIAN (cont'd)
You get my point.

Greg, completely defeated, crawls off the bed and over to
Sebastian. Blaine shakes his head and smiles.

Greg places his hand on Sebastian's thigh when -

SEBASTIAN (cont'd)
Jesus Christ, I was only kidding.
What do you think, I'm gay? My God,
haven't you had enough for tonight.

BLAINE
Our boy just can't get enough dick.

GREG
You sick son of a bitch.

Blaine and Sebastian laugh.

SEBASTIAN
I'll leave you guys alone.
(macho voice)
Score one for the team, Greg.

Sebastian leaves the room, then re-enters.

SEBASTIAN (cont'd)
Come to think of it, there is
something you can do for me.
Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

Summary Sebastian finds Greg and Blaine in a compromising situation and threatens to expose Greg's secret. Blaine tries to ease the tension with humor, but Sebastian remains manipulative. Greg reluctantly agrees to help Sebastian, ending the confrontation with a hint of humor.
Strengths
  • Sharp dialogue
  • Humor
  • Tension
Weaknesses
  • Potentially offensive content

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is engaging, with a good balance of humor and tension. The dialogue is sharp and keeps the audience interested.


Story Content

Concept: 7

The concept of revealing a secret and using it as leverage is well-executed in the scene, adding depth to the characters and driving the plot forward.

Plot: 8

The plot is advanced as Sebastian uncovers Greg's secret and uses it to his advantage, setting up future conflicts and developments.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh and provocative take on themes of power, manipulation, and morality, with authentic and unpredictable character interactions.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Sebastian and Greg are well-developed in this scene, with Sebastian's manipulative nature and Greg's vulnerability coming through effectively.

Character Changes: 6

While there is not a significant character change in this scene, it deepens the understanding of Sebastian and Greg's personalities.

Internal Goal: 8

Sebastian's internal goal in this scene is to assert his dominance and control over Greg, while also seeking validation and satisfaction from the power he holds over others.

External Goal: 7

Sebastian's external goal is to manipulate Greg and potentially use the situation to his advantage in his social circle.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

There is a high level of conflict in the scene as Sebastian confronts Greg and uses his secret against him, leading to tension and drama.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting goals and motivations driving the conflict between the characters.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are high for Greg as Sebastian threatens to expose his secret, adding tension and drama to the scene.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by revealing a key secret and setting up future conflicts and developments.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected character actions, twists in the plot, and moral ambiguity of the interactions.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the themes of power, control, and morality. Sebastian's actions challenge traditional notions of loyalty, trust, and decency.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene elicits a range of emotions, from humor to tension, keeping the audience engaged.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is sharp, witty, and confrontational, adding depth to the characters and driving the scene forward.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its intense and suspenseful atmosphere, sharp dialogue, and unexpected plot twists.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the outcome.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear and engaging structure, with well-paced dialogue and effective use of tension and conflict.


Critique
  • The scene contains explicit sexual content and language that may not be suitable for all audiences.
  • The dialogue between Sebastian, Greg, and Blaine is crass and lacks subtlety, relying heavily on shock value.
  • The scene perpetuates harmful stereotypes and derogatory language towards LGBTQ+ individuals, portraying them in a negative light.
  • Sebastian's behavior towards Greg is manipulative and cruel, lacking empathy or consideration for his feelings.
  • The scene's tone is inconsistent, shifting abruptly from humor to aggression and back to humor, making it feel disjointed.
  • The resolution of the conflict is unsatisfying, with Sebastian's actions towards Greg coming across as gratuitous and unnecessary.
Suggestions
  • Consider toning down the explicit content and language to make the scene more palatable and respectful.
  • Focus on developing more nuanced and realistic dialogue that conveys the characters' emotions and motivations effectively.
  • Avoid using derogatory language and stereotypes that can be harmful and offensive to certain groups.
  • Explore alternative ways to resolve conflicts that do not rely on shock value or cruelty towards characters.
  • Maintain a consistent tone throughout the scene to ensure a cohesive and engaging narrative.
  • Revisit the character dynamics and interactions to create more depth and complexity in their relationships.



Scene 14 -  Unexpected Encounter on a Dirt Road
30 EXT. ESTATE - ROAD - DAY 30

Annette jogs up a dirt road on her morning run. THIRTY
YARDS BEHIND HER - a golf cart drives off a meadow and
lands on the road. Sebastian is driving.

Annette looks back and scowls. Sebastian catches up to
her.

SEBASTIAN
Need a lift?

ANNETTE
No thank you.

SEBASTIAN
How are you today?

ANNETTE
Give it up.

SEBASTIAN
Oh right, last night. I guess I owe
you an apology.

ANNETTE
I'm not going to speak to you till you
realize that you can't intimidate me.

SEBASTIAN
I said I was sorry.

She continues her jog. Sebastian follows alongside.

SEBASTIAN (cont'd)
Have a nice sleep last night?
ANNETTE
It was fine.

SEBASTIAN
I wish I could say the same for
myself. I was up thinking about you
all night.

ANNETTE
I thought we agreed that we were going
to be friends.

SEBASTIAN
Yes, well unfortunately I can't just
switch the "on" button to "off." The
sad fact of the matter is that you've
unintentionally rubbed off on me.

Annette stops running and turns to him.

ANNETTE
And that's a bad thing?

SEBASTIAN
I'm trying to better myself, but the
one person who can help me is the same
one pushing me away.

ANNETTE
I'm sorry, but I'm not here to be your
savior.

SEBASTIAN
Well try this one on for size. I think
I'm falling in love with you.

ANNETTE
You don't even know me.

SEBASTIAN
Don't you believe in love at first sight?

ANNETTE
Yes, but only when it's mutual. And this
is far from mutual.

SEBASTIAN
Ouch. Do you think we could spend some
time together this morning?

ANNETTE
I can't. I'm seeing a friend.

SEBASTIAN
Who?
ANNETTE
That's none of your business.

SEBASTIAN
How about tonight?

ANNETTE
I'm busy.

SEBASTIAN
Doing what?

ANNETTE
That's also none of your business.

SEBASTIAN
Tell me what to do, Annette. How can I
win your heart. I'll do anything. I
can't get you out of my mind.

ANNETTE
You truly want to do something to make
me happy?

SEBASTIAN
Yes.

ANNETTE
And you promise to abide by it?

SEBASTIAN
Without question.

ANNETTE
Alright.
(beat)
I want you to leave and go back to
New York.

SEBASTIAN
What?

ANNETTE
If that's a problem, then I'll make
arrangements to stay with some friends.

Sebastian thinks for a moment. He's pissed.

SEBASTIAN
I'll leave this afternoon. Happy?

ANNETTE
It's not about being happy. You and I
can't -

He shifts the cart into reverse and backs away.
Genres: ["Romance","Drama"]

Summary Jogging Annette is interrupted by Sebastian in a golf cart. Sebastian attempts to apologize and express his feelings, but Annette insists he leave.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Engaging dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Potential cliches in romantic dialogue

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively conveys the emotional turmoil and conflict between Sebastian and Annette, drawing the audience into their complex relationship dynamics.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of unrequited love and the struggle to win someone's heart is well-executed in this scene, adding depth to the characters and their motivations.

Plot: 7

The plot advances as Sebastian tries to win over Annette, leading to a confrontation that reveals their true feelings and intentions.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh take on the classic romantic conflict trope, with a focus on power dynamics and personal boundaries. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and relatable, adding to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

Sebastian and Annette are well-developed characters with conflicting personalities and desires, driving the emotional tension in the scene.

Character Changes: 7

Sebastian experiences rejection and must confront his feelings for Annette, leading to potential growth and self-reflection.

Internal Goal: 8

Annette's internal goal is to assert her independence and boundaries in her relationship with Sebastian. She wants to make it clear that she cannot be intimidated or manipulated by him.

External Goal: 7

Annette's external goal is to get Sebastian to leave and go back to New York, as she believes their relationship is unhealthy and unsustainable.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between Sebastian's pursuit of Annette and her rejection creates tension and emotional stakes in the scene.

Opposition: 8

The opposition between Annette and Sebastian is strong, with conflicting goals and emotions driving their interaction.

High Stakes: 7

The high stakes of unrequited love and emotional vulnerability heighten the tension and drama in the scene.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by deepening the relationship dynamics between Sebastian and Annette, setting up future conflicts and resolutions.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting power dynamics between Annette and Sebastian, keeping the audience on edge about the outcome of their conversation.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the idea of love and personal boundaries. Sebastian believes in love at first sight and is willing to do anything to win Annette's heart, while Annette values mutual respect and boundaries in a relationship.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The emotional impact of Sebastian's declaration of love and Annette's rejection resonates with the audience, evoking empathy and tension.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue between Sebastian and Annette is engaging and reveals their inner thoughts and emotions, adding depth to their characters.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the intense emotional conflict between the characters and the high stakes of their interaction.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and maintaining the audience's interest throughout the dialogue.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows standard formatting conventions for a screenplay, with clear scene headings and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a traditional structure for a confrontational dialogue scene, with clear character motivations and escalating tension.


Critique
  • The scene lacks subtlety in the interactions between Sebastian and Annette, with Sebastian's attempts at charm and persuasion coming off as too direct and forced.
  • The dialogue feels a bit cliched and lacks depth, especially in Sebastian's sudden declaration of love for Annette without much build-up or emotional development.
  • The conflict between Sebastian and Annette is resolved too quickly and easily, with Annette simply asking Sebastian to leave and him agreeing without much resistance or further exploration of their dynamic.
  • Sebastian's character arc and motivations are not fully explored or developed in this scene, making his sudden change of heart towards Annette feel contrived and lacking in authenticity.
  • The scene could benefit from more nuanced and layered interactions between Sebastian and Annette, as well as a deeper exploration of their emotional connection and conflicting desires.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more subtlety and nuance to Sebastian's attempts to win over Annette, focusing on building tension and emotional depth in their interactions.
  • Develop Sebastian's character arc more effectively to make his sudden declaration of love for Annette feel more believable and grounded in his personal growth throughout the script.
  • Explore the conflict between Sebastian and Annette in more depth, allowing for a more complex and realistic resolution that reflects the complexities of their relationship.
  • Work on improving the dialogue to make it more authentic and reflective of the characters' personalities and motivations, avoiding cliches and focusing on natural, engaging conversation.
  • Consider revisiting the scene to add more layers to Sebastian and Annette's dynamic, allowing for a more compelling and emotionally resonant interaction between the two characters.



Scene 15 -  Annette and Greg's Discussion
31 EXT. BEACH - DAY 31

Annette and Greg walk along the beach and gaze out at the
ocean.

GREG
He told you he's failing in love
with you? I've never known him to
say those words before.

ANNETTE
Really? I thought he said it all
the time.

GREG
That's not his style. one thing I can
say about Valmont. He always speaks
the truth.

Annette looks lost.

GREG (cont'd)
What's wrong?

ANNETTE
Nothing.

GREG
Is there a mutual feeling between you
two?

ANNETTE
No. I mean. I don't know.
(beat)
What else do you know about him?

GREG
Not a whole lot. We take some classes
together. He's got a bad rep, but it's
mostly bullshit.

ANNETTE
What do you mean?

GREG
Well, a lot of people are jealous cause
he's loaded.

ANNETTE
(sighs)
I don't know. I've been hearing some
awful things about him.

GREG
From who?

ANNETTE
I can't tell you. I'm sworn to secrecy.

Greg takes her hand.

GREG
Annette, how long have we known each
other?

ANNETTE
Forever.

GREG
Now it's my job to look out for you.
You're like a kid sister to me. Do I
look like some kind of gossip queen?

Annette laughs.

ANNETTE
You promise not to say anything?

GREG
On my mother's life.

ANNETTE
(beat)
Okay...
Genres: ["Drama","Romance"]

Summary Annette and Greg discuss Valmont and his reputation. Annette reveals that she has heard awful things about him, and Greg promises to keep it confidential if she tells him.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Intrigue
Weaknesses
  • Potential lack of clarity in character motivations

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively delves into the emotional complexities of the characters, setting up intrigue and potential conflicts.


Story Content

Concept: 7

The concept of revealing hidden feelings and exploring trust issues is well-executed.

Plot: 8

The plot thickens with the revelation of Sebastian's true feelings for Annette and the potential impact on their relationships.

Originality: 7

The scene introduces familiar themes of love, trust, and gossip but adds a fresh perspective through the characters' nuanced interactions and conflicting emotions.


Character Development

Characters: 9

Annette and Greg's characters are developed through their interactions, showcasing their vulnerabilities and complexities.

Character Changes: 7

Annette experiences a shift in her perception of Sebastian and her growing feelings for Greg.

Internal Goal: 8

Annette's internal goal is to navigate her feelings for Valmont and determine the truth behind the rumors she's heard about him. This reflects her desire for honesty and authenticity in her relationships.

External Goal: 7

Annette's external goal is to maintain her reputation and protect her secrets. This reflects the immediate challenge of dealing with gossip and social expectations.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

There is a subtle conflict brewing beneath the surface as Annette grapples with her feelings for Sebastian and Greg.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create conflict and suspense, keeping the audience engaged in the characters' dilemmas.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes are raised as Annette navigates her feelings for two different men, potentially leading to heartbreak or betrayal.

Story Forward: 7

The scene deepens the relationships between the characters and sets the stage for future conflicts and revelations.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting dynamics between the characters and the unresolved questions about Valmont's character.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the themes of honesty, trust, and loyalty. Annette is torn between revealing secrets and maintaining her loyalty to her friend.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions from the characters, drawing the audience into their internal struggles.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue effectively conveys the emotional depth and tension between Annette and Greg.

Engagement: 8

This scene is engaging because of the emotional tension between the characters and the mystery surrounding Valmont's reputation.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene builds tension effectively, allowing the dialogue to unfold naturally and reveal the characters' emotions.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene is well-formatted and easy to follow, adhering to standard screenplay conventions for dialogue and action descriptions.

Structure: 9

The scene follows a traditional dialogue-driven structure that effectively conveys the characters' emotions and motivations.


Critique
  • The dialogue between Annette and Greg feels a bit forced and unnatural, lacking depth and emotional connection.
  • The conversation about Sebastian's reputation and Annette's hesitation to share information could be more engaging and impactful.
  • The scene lacks a sense of urgency or tension, making it feel somewhat flat and uninteresting.
  • There is a missed opportunity to delve deeper into the characters' emotions and motivations, which could add depth to the scene.
  • The interaction between Annette and Greg could benefit from more subtext and nuance to make it more compelling.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more emotional depth to the dialogue between Annette and Greg to make their interaction more engaging.
  • Explore ways to increase the tension and urgency in the scene to keep the audience invested in the conversation.
  • Provide more insight into Annette's internal conflict and hesitation to share information about Sebastian to add complexity to her character.
  • Add subtext and nuance to the conversation to create a more layered and dynamic interaction between Annette and Greg.
  • Consider incorporating more character development and revealing moments to make the scene more impactful and memorable.



Scene 16 -  Scheming and Manipulation
32 INT. PORSCHE - DAY 32

Sebastian drives down the highway towards Manhattan. He holds
his cell phone in one ear.

SEBASTIAN
That nosey bitch. Are you sure?

INTERCUT WITH:

33 EXT. BEACH - DAY 33

Greg talks on a pay phone, out of Annette's sight.

GREG
Positive.

SEBASTIAN
Did you do everything I asked you to?

GREG
Yes.

SEBASTIAN
You told her I never said I love you
before?

GREG
Yes!
SEBASTIAN
You told her that people are jealous
cause I'm loaded?

GREG
Yes!

SEBASTIAN
And you think she bought it?

GREG
I'm pretty sure she did.

SEBASTIAN
Pretty sure or sure sure?

GREG
She bought it.

SEBASTIAN
I'll be in touch.

Click. The line goes dead.

34 INT. VALMONT TOWNHOUSE - LIVING ROOM - DAY 34

Kathryn is sitting in front of the television, scowling.

ON TV - A HIDDEN VIDEO OF RONALD AND CECILE IN THE
VALMONT LIVING ROOM.

Ronald plays Beethoven's "Moonlight Sonata" at the piano
while Cecile listens and sways to the music.

ANGLE ON: LIVING ROOM -

KATHRYN
Enough with the music. Fuck her
already.

She throws a magazine at the television. Sebastian bursts
into the living room.

SEBASTIAN
You would not believe what--

KATHRYN
Shhh.

ON TELEVISION - RONALD FINISHES THE SONG. CECILE STANDS
AND APPLAUDS. RONALD TAKES A BOW.

CECILE (ON VIDEO)
That was beautiful.

RONALD (ON VIDEO)
Almost as beautiful as you.

Cecile blushes. Ronald checks his watch.

RONALD (ON VIDEO)
Well, I guess it's getting late.
Please thank Kathryn for the use of
her Steinway.

CECILE (ON VIDEO)
I'll see you tomorrow.

RONALD (ON VIDEO)
Absolutely.

He approaches her, awkwardly then shakes her hand.

KATHRYN (O.S.)
Idiot!

ANGLE ON: LIVING ROOM - Kathryn FREEZE FRAMES the image.

KATHRYN
What's wrong with you?

SEBASTIAN
You ready for this? I've recently
discovered that our good friend Mrs.
Caldwell is the one who sent the
letter to Annette urging her to stay
away from me.

KATHRYN
Interesting.

SEBASTIAN
I now plan to devote all my energies to
destroying the douche bag. Any luck
corrupting her daughter?

KATHRYN
No.

SEBASTIAN
Call Cecile up and get her to come over.
I'll bust that cherry in a heartbeat.

She walks over to the "freeze frame" image of Ronald and
Cecile on the television.

KATHRYN
The plot thickens. It appears that
Cecile has fallen for her music teacher.

SEBASTIAN
Ooo, I'm sure Mrs. Caldwell will love
that.
KATHRYN
Not to mention Court Reynolds.
Unfortunately, Ronald's moving with the
speed of a Special Olympic Bobsledder.

SEBASTIAN
What's your plan of attack?

KATHRYN
I rat Cecile out to mommy. Mommy goes
ballistic and ends their relationship.
Boo hoo.

SEBASTIAN
But who will they turn to for help?

Kathryn smiles and sits on Sebastian's lap.

KATHRYN
Cecile is planning to go away with Court
next week. I'll need you to speed
up her sexual awakenings.

Sebastian rubs her shoulders.

SEBASTIAN
I'm at your service.

KATHRYN
Thank you. Mmmm, that feels good.

SEBASTIAN
Oh sis. You're so tense.

Sebastian moves his hand down her shirt and under her bra.
He's met with no resistance.

KATHRYN
I hate when things don't go my way. It
makes me so horny.

SEBASTIAN
I hate it too.

He takes his hand out from her shirt and slides it under her
skirt.

SEBASTIAN (cont'd)
(baby talk)
Oh baby, your soaking.

KATHRYN
I know.

She closes her eyes and rubs his crotch. She unzips his fly.
KATHRYN (cont'd)
(seductively)
Any luck with your girl?

SEBASTIAN
Moving along quite well.

KATHRYN
Have you succeeded in your task?

SEBASTIAN
Any day now.

KATHRYN
Well, let me know when you do. Until
then.

She takes his hand out from under her pants.

KATHRYN (cont'd)
No pootie.

Kathryn smiles.

KATHRYN (cont'd)
Sorry.
Genres: ["Drama","Romance"]

Summary Sebastian confirms with Greg that Annette believes his false narrative. Kathryn witnesses Cecile's crush on Ronald and devises a plan to exploit it for manipulation. Together, Sebastian and Kathryn strategize how to manipulate Cecile and Mrs. Caldwell for their own purposes.
Strengths
  • Complex characters
  • Sharp dialogue
  • Intricate plotting
Weaknesses
  • Sexual manipulation
  • Deceptive behavior

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is engaging and intense, with well-developed characters and a strong focus on dialogue and manipulation. The tension between the characters keeps the audience hooked and eager to see how the intricate plot will unfold.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of manipulation, seduction, and deception is executed effectively in the scene, setting up conflicts and revealing the characters' true intentions. The intricate plotting adds depth to the story and keeps the audience guessing.

Plot: 8

The plot is driven by the characters' schemes and hidden agendas, creating tension and conflict. The scene sets up future developments and hints at the escalating stakes in the story.

Originality: 8

The scene presents a fresh approach to familiar themes of power, manipulation, and revenge. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and true to their motivations, adding depth and complexity to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed and complex, with hidden motivations and conflicting desires. Their interactions reveal layers of deception and manipulation, adding depth to the story.

Character Changes: 7

The characters undergo subtle changes in their relationships and motivations, as their hidden agendas come to light and their true intentions are revealed. The scene sets up future developments and character arcs.

Internal Goal: 8

Sebastian's internal goal is to maintain control and power over those around him, as well as to seek validation and approval from Kathryn. This reflects his deeper need for dominance and acceptance.

External Goal: 7

Sebastian's external goal is to manipulate and corrupt Cecile, as well as to seek revenge on Mrs. Caldwell. This reflects the immediate challenges he faces in his social circle.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The scene is filled with internal and external conflicts, as the characters plot against each other and navigate their hidden agendas. The tension and deception create a sense of unease and suspense.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with characters facing internal and external conflicts that challenge their goals and motivations. The audience is left uncertain of the characters' true intentions and the outcome of their actions.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in the scene, as the characters' hidden agendas and manipulative actions threaten to unravel their relationships and reputations. The escalating conflicts and deceptions raise the stakes and set the stage for dramatic confrontations.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by setting up conflicts, revealing character motivations, and escalating the tension between the characters. The intricate plotting and manipulation drive the narrative towards a climactic resolution.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the characters' shifting motivations and hidden agendas. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of the characters' true intentions and the outcome of their actions.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the characters' moral ambiguity and willingness to manipulate and deceive others for personal gain. This challenges their beliefs about power, control, and relationships.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from tension and intrigue to discomfort and unease. The characters' manipulative actions and hidden desires add depth to the emotional impact of the scene.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is sharp, witty, and filled with subtext, reflecting the characters' true intentions and hidden agendas. The exchanges between the characters drive the plot forward and reveal their complex relationships.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its tense atmosphere, sharp dialogue, and complex character dynamics. The manipulation and deceit add intrigue and suspense, keeping the audience invested in the characters' actions and motivations.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and suspense, with well-timed reveals and character interactions. The rhythm of the dialogue and actions contributes to the scene's overall effectiveness.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear dialogue formatting, scene descriptions, and character actions. The formatting enhances the readability and flow of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear scene transitions, character interactions, and narrative progression. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the effectiveness of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene lacks subtlety and relies heavily on explicit dialogue and actions to convey the characters' intentions and emotions.
  • The interaction between Sebastian and Kathryn feels forced and unnatural, with their dialogue coming across as contrived and overly dramatic.
  • The scene contains unnecessary sexual content that adds little to the plot or character development, instead feeling gratuitous and out of place.
  • The pacing of the scene is uneven, with abrupt shifts in tone and focus that make it challenging for the audience to fully engage with the characters and their motivations.
  • The dialogue lacks nuance and depth, failing to capture the complexity of the characters' relationships and conflicts.
Suggestions
  • Consider dialing back the explicit sexual content and focusing more on developing the emotional dynamics between the characters.
  • Work on creating more subtle and nuanced dialogue that conveys the characters' intentions and emotions in a more authentic way.
  • Explore alternative ways to build tension and conflict in the scene without relying on overtly dramatic or explicit interactions.
  • Focus on refining the pacing of the scene to ensure a smoother transition between different moments and interactions.
  • Consider revisiting the scene to streamline the dialogue and actions, ensuring that each element serves a clear purpose in advancing the plot and developing the characters.



Scene 17 -  Conflicted Emotions
35 EXT. TOWNHOUSE - NIGHT 35

A meter maid writes a ticket on Sebastian's car when she
grabs her neck in pain.

36 INT. VALMONT TOWNHOUSE - SEBASTIAN'S BEDROOM - NIGHT 36

Sebastian closes his window and sets down a bb rifle with
an infrared scope.

SEBASTIAN
Goodbye Mister Bond.

He picks up the phone and dials.

SEBASTIAN (cont'd)
Hi, it's Sebastian. I didn't wake you
did I?

INTERCUT WITH:

37 INT. ESTATE - ANNETTE'S GUEST ROOM - NIGHT 37

Annette sits in bed talking on the other end of the
phone.

ANNETTE
No, not at all.

SEBASTIAN
Well, I was just calling to see how
you're doing.

ANNETTE
I'm... I'm alright.

SEBASTIAN
How was your date?

ANNETTE
It wasn't a date. He's just a friend.

There's a moment of uncomfortable silence.

SEBASTIAN
Well, I was just calling to tell you
I was thinking about you and I miss
you. I'll let you go.

ANNETTE
Wait, don't hang up.

SEBASTIAN
Okay?

ANNETTE
What are you doing?

SEBASTIAN
Reading.

He crosses over to his circular bed where two scantily clad
twins (GRETCHEN & MORA) are licking popsicles.

ANNETTE
What are you reading?

SEBASTIAN
Of Human Bondage.

ANNETTE
Somerset Maugham.

SEBASTIAN
Yeah, it's pretty relevant considering
my situation.

ANNETTE
You're not gonna start that again.

He takes out a bottle of baby oil and pours it on the
girls' butts.

SEBASTIAN
No. I'm through with my childish
games when it comes to you. Hold on,
that's my other line.
(to the girls)
Rub.

They rub the oil on each other then turn to him and
smile. He clicks the phone back on.

SEBASTIAN (cont'd)
Annette that's my mom calling. Can I
call you tomorrow?

ANNETTE
Sure. Have a good night.

SEBASTIAN
I will.

BACK TO:
Genres: ["Drama","Romance"]

Summary Sebastian is seen setting up a bb rifle with an infrared scope in his bedroom while surrounded by two scantily clad twins. He calls Annette to express his feelings for her, but there is tension due to his previous behavior. Annette clarifies her relationship with someone else. The scene ends with Sebastian pretending to receive a call from his mom to end the conversation.
Strengths
  • Complex character dynamics
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Tense atmosphere
Weaknesses
  • Potentially uncomfortable or inappropriate interactions

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively conveys the complex emotions and intentions of the characters, creating a compelling and tense atmosphere. The dialogue and actions are engaging and reveal important aspects of the characters' personalities.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of manipulation and seduction is well-executed in the scene, with Sebastian's actions and dialogue reflecting his deceptive nature. The interaction between Sebastian and Annette sets the stage for future conflicts and developments.

Plot: 7

The plot advances as Sebastian's manipulative intentions become clearer, setting up potential conflicts and betrayals in the future. The scene adds depth to the characters and their relationships.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the trope of forbidden love and moral dilemmas, with authentic character interactions and unexpected twists.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Sebastian and Annette are well-developed in the scene, with their conflicting desires and motivations driving the tension. Sebastian's manipulative nature and Annette's resistance create a compelling dynamic.

Character Changes: 7

Both Sebastian and Annette experience subtle changes in their dynamic, with Sebastian revealing more of his manipulative nature and Annette asserting her boundaries. These changes set the stage for future conflicts and character growth.

Internal Goal: 8

Sebastian's internal goal in this scene is to reconnect with Annette and express his feelings for her. This reflects his desire for emotional connection and validation.

External Goal: 7

Sebastian's external goal is to maintain his facade of sophistication and control, despite his true feelings for Annette. This reflects the immediate challenge of balancing his public image with his private desires.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between Sebastian's manipulative intentions and Annette's resistance creates a tense and uncomfortable atmosphere in the scene. The conflicting desires of the characters drive the narrative forward.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene comes from Sebastian's internal struggle between his public persona and private desires, adding complexity and conflict to the dialogue.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are high as Sebastian's manipulative actions could have serious consequences for Annette and their relationship. The tension and conflict in the scene raise the stakes for the characters.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by revealing Sebastian's manipulative intentions and setting up potential conflicts with Annette. The dynamic between the characters evolves, adding complexity to the narrative.

Unpredictability: 7

The scene is unpredictable in its blend of romantic tension, dark humor, and unexpected character choices, keeping the audience guessing about the outcome.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around Sebastian's struggle between his superficial, hedonistic lifestyle and his deeper emotional needs. This challenges his beliefs about love, relationships, and self-worth.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a range of emotions, including desire, discomfort, and tension. The complex dynamic between Sebastian and Annette adds depth to their characters and sets the stage for future developments.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue in the scene is engaging and reveals important aspects of the characters' personalities and intentions. The suggestive and manipulative nature of Sebastian's dialogue adds depth to the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its mix of emotional conflict, sensual imagery, and suspenseful dialogue, keeping the audience invested in the characters' relationships and motivations.

Pacing: 8

The scene's pacing effectively builds tension and emotional resonance, allowing for moments of reflection and intimacy between the characters.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene's formatting adheres to industry standards, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a traditional format for a dramatic dialogue-driven sequence, effectively building tension and revealing character dynamics.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear sense of direction and purpose, with Sebastian's actions and dialogue feeling disconnected and random.
  • The dialogue between Sebastian and Annette feels forced and lacks depth, making their interaction seem superficial.
  • The introduction of the scantily clad twins and the baby oil adds a gratuitous and unnecessary sexual element to the scene.
  • The scene fails to build tension or advance the plot in a meaningful way, resulting in a lack of engagement for the audience.
  • Sebastian's behavior and dialogue come across as inconsistent and confusing, making it difficult for the audience to connect with his character.
Suggestions
  • Clarify Sebastian's motivations and intentions in the scene to give his actions more purpose and coherence.
  • Focus on developing a more meaningful and authentic conversation between Sebastian and Annette to deepen their relationship and add emotional depth.
  • Consider removing the unnecessary sexual elements involving the twins and baby oil to maintain a more mature and sophisticated tone.
  • Ensure that each scene contributes to the overall plot progression and character development to keep the audience invested in the story.
  • Work on making Sebastian's character more consistent and relatable to help the audience connect with his journey and struggles.



Scene 18 -  Kathryn's Suspicions and Missed Purchase
38 INT. VALMONT TOWNHOUSE - SEBASTIAN'S BEDROOM - NIGHT 38

GRETCHEN
Of Human Bondage. You're such a
bullshit artist.

SEBASTIAN
Shut up, Gretchen. You don't even
know what it is.

GRETCHEN
Duh, it's a book.

SEBASTIAN
Do you know what it's about?

MORA
Who cares. Books are for fags.

SEBASTIAN
Books are for fags. I weep for the
future.

39 EXT. BOUTIQUE - DAY 39

Establishing shot.

40 INT. BOUTIQUE - DAY 40

A SALESWOMAN approaches Kathryn who's checking out an
assortment of fur coats. The saleswoman holds up a
beautiful dress.

SALESWOMAN
Here's something you might like.

Kathryn examines the label.

KATHRYN
Do you carry any real fur?

SALESWOMAN
No. All our fur is faux.

KATHRYN
Of course. The animals. How silly of
me.

The saleswoman smiles, then walks away. Kathryn sneers
then looks over at a small child, staring at her.

KATHRYN (cont'd)
(mouthing the words)
Fuck off.

She "shoos" the child away, when Mrs. Caldwell
approaches.

MRS. CALDWELL
I got your message and came as quick
as I could.

KATHRYN
I hope I didn't keep you from
something.

MRS. CALDWELL
Not at all. What's wrong?

KATHRYN
It's Cecile.

MRS. CALDWELL
What about her?

KATHRYN
Well... you promise you won't say
anything to her. We've developed a
friendship and...

MRS. CALDWELL
Kathryn, you have my word. It isn't
drugs is it?

KATHRYN
It's worse. I think there's something
going on between Cecile and her music
teacher.

MRS. CALDWELL
Ronald? That's crazy.

KATHRYN
I know. She's so young and he's so -

MRS. CALDWELL
Black.

Kathryn reacts to her remark.

KATHRYN
He's been sending her love letters that
she hides under her doll house. I
questioned whether or not to tell you,
but something like this could destroy
her reputation at Oakwood and I don't
want to see her get hurt.

Kathryn picks out an expensive suit and approaches the sales
counter.

KATHRYN (cont'd)
I hope I did the right thing in telling
you. I'd hate to see Cecile ruin things
with Court.

MRS. CALDWELL
I can't thank you enough.

KATHRYN
You will be discreet about this?

MRS. CALDWELL
Absolutely.

SALESWOMAN
Will that be cash or charge?

Kathryn looks through her purse.

KATHRYN
Oh poo. I left my credit cards at home.

Mrs. Caldwell takes out her purse.

MRS. CALDWELL
Let me get that for you.

KATHRYN
Oh please. I can't have you do that.

MRS. CALDWELL
It's the least I can do.

Mrs. Caldwell hands the credit card to the saleswoman.
Kathryn turns to Mrs. Caldwell.

KATHRYN
Thank you.
Genres: ["Drama","Romance"]

Summary Kathryn confides in Mrs. Caldwell about her suspicions regarding Cecile and her music teacher. She attempts to buy an expensive suit but discovers she left her credit cards at home, leading Mrs. Caldwell to offer assistance with the purchase.
Strengths
  • Sharp dialogue
  • Tension-building
  • Character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Lack of character development
  • Limited emotional depth

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively builds tension and sets up a deceptive plot point, showcasing the manipulative nature of the characters. The dialogue is engaging and drives the conflict forward.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of manipulation and deception is well-executed in the scene, setting up a crucial plot point for future developments.

Plot: 8

The plot thickens as Kathryn fabricates a story to manipulate Mrs. Caldwell, adding layers of deception and conflict to the narrative.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh take on familiar themes of wealth, privilege, and manipulation, with authentic character actions and dialogue that add depth and complexity to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed, with Kathryn's manipulative nature and Mrs. Caldwell's concern for Cecile shining through in their interactions.

Character Changes: 6

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, it sets up potential changes in future interactions based on the deception introduced.

Internal Goal: 8

Kathryn's internal goal is to protect Cecile from potential harm and maintain her own reputation within their social circle. This reflects her desire for control and manipulation, as well as her fear of losing status or being seen as vulnerable.

External Goal: 7

Kathryn's external goal is to address the situation between Cecile and her music teacher, Ronald, in order to protect Cecile's reputation and maintain her own social standing.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between Kathryn's manipulation and Mrs. Caldwell's concern for Cecile creates a tense atmosphere, driving the scene forward.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting values and motivations driving the characters' actions and dialogue, creating tension and conflict that propel the narrative forward.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are raised as Kathryn's manipulation could have serious consequences for Cecile and her reputation, adding tension to the scene.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing a new plot point and escalating the conflict between characters.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected twists and turns in the characters' actions and dialogue, as well as the unresolved conflicts and hidden motivations that keep the audience guessing.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the characters' values and beliefs regarding social status, reputation, and morality. Kathryn's willingness to manipulate and deceive contrasts with Mrs. Caldwell's concern for Cecile's well-being and reputation.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes negative emotions through the deceptive actions of the characters, adding depth to the narrative.

Dialogue: 9

The sharp and confrontational dialogue drives the scene forward, adding tension and depth to the characters' motivations.

Engagement: 8

This scene is engaging because of its tension, conflict, and intrigue, as well as the dynamic character interactions and sharp dialogue that keep the audience invested in the story.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining tension and suspense, as well as allowing for character development and plot progression in a balanced and engaging manner.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with proper scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting that adhere to industry standards.

Structure: 9

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear scene transitions, character introductions, and dialogue formatting that enhance readability and flow.


Critique
  • The dialogue between Sebastian, Gretchen, and Mora feels forced and lacks depth. The conversation about 'Of Human Bondage' comes off as superficial and doesn't add much to the scene.
  • The interaction between Kathryn and the saleswoman at the boutique feels cliched and stereotypical. The dialogue and actions of Kathryn towards the child are unnecessarily harsh and don't contribute to the character development.
  • The revelation of Cecile's situation with her music teacher feels rushed and lacks emotional depth. The dialogue between Kathryn and Mrs. Caldwell about the issue comes off as contrived and lacks authenticity.
  • The scene lacks subtlety in addressing the sensitive topic of a potential inappropriate relationship between Cecile and her music teacher. The dialogue and actions of the characters feel too on-the-nose and could benefit from more nuance.
  • The transition between Sebastian's bedroom scene and Kathryn's boutique scene feels abrupt and disjointed. There is a lack of cohesion in the overall flow of the screenplay at this point.
Suggestions
  • Consider revising the dialogue between Sebastian, Gretchen, and Mora to make it more meaningful and reflective of the characters' personalities and motivations.
  • Develop Kathryn's character in a more nuanced way by avoiding stereotypical interactions and focusing on deeper emotional conflicts.
  • Enhance the emotional impact of Cecile's situation by delving into the complexities of the issue with more depth and authenticity.
  • Handle the sensitive topic of Cecile's relationship with her music teacher with more subtlety and nuance to avoid coming across as heavy-handed.
  • Work on improving the transitions between scenes to create a more seamless and cohesive narrative flow throughout the screenplay.



Scene 19 -  Accusations and Defiance
41 INT. CALDWELL APARTMENT - STUDY - DAY 41

Ronald gives Cecile a cello lesson when Mrs. Caldwell
bursts into the room.

MRS. CALDWELL
Who the hell do you think you are?!

RONALD
Excuse me.

MRS. CALDWELL
I'm paying you to give cello lessons.
Not to pervert my child.

RONALD
Mrs. Caldwell I think you're
misunderstanding something.

MRS. CALDWELL
Is that so?

Mrs. Caldwell holds up Ronald's letters.

MRS. CALDWELL (cont'd)
You care to explain this then?

Ronald and Cecile exchange looks of worry.

CECILE
Where did you find those?

MRS. CALDWELL
Margarita found them while cleaning
your room.

CECILE
Those are my letters!

MRS. CALDWELL
Don't you raise your voice at me. Go
to your room, now.

Cecile turns to Ronald.

MRS. CALDWELL (cont'd)
Now!

Ronald nods and Cecile runs out of the room. Mrs.
Caldwell turns to Ronald.

MRS. CALDWELL (cont'd)
How dare you treat me with such
disrespect. I got you off the streets
and this is how you repay me?

RONALD
Got me off the streets? I live on
59th and Park.
MRS. CALDWELL
Whatever. You are never to set foot
in this house again and you are never
and I mean never to see my daughter
again. Is that understood?!

Ronald packs up his sheet music, while Mrs. Caldwell
waits.

RONALD
First of all, maam, I never touched
your daughter and second, I would like
to think that in these times someone
of your status could look beyond
racial lines.

MRS. CALDWELL
Oh don't give me any of that racist
crap. My husband and I gave money to
Colin Powell.

RONALD
(sarcastic)
I guess that puts me in my place.
Thank you for the hospitality Mrs.
Caldwell. It was a true awakening.

He storms off.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary Ronald is giving Cecile a cello lesson when Mrs. Caldwell bursts into the room and accuses Ronald of perverting her child. Mrs. Caldwell holds up Ronald's letters to Cecile, which she found while cleaning Cecile's room. Cecile insists that the letters are hers, but Mrs. Caldwell orders her to go to her room. Mrs. Caldwell then turns to Ronald and tells him that he is never to set foot in her house again and is never to see her daughter again. Ronald packs up his sheet music and leaves, telling Mrs. Caldwell that he never touched her daughter and that he would like to think that someone of her status could look beyond racial lines. The tense and confrontational scene ends with Ronald storming off, leaving Mrs. Caldwell alone in the study.
Strengths
  • Intense dialogue
  • Emotional depth
  • Strong character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Slightly predictable outcome
  • Lack of resolution in the scene

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is intense and emotionally charged, with strong performances and impactful dialogue. It effectively conveys the themes of betrayal and racial prejudice, keeping the audience engaged.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of betrayal and racial prejudice is central to the scene, driving the conflict and character dynamics. It adds depth and complexity to the narrative.

Plot: 7

The plot advances as Mrs. Caldwell confronts Ronald, leading to a significant turning point in the story. The conflict escalates, setting the stage for further developments.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the theme of racial prejudice and discrimination in a high-class setting. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed and their emotions are palpable in the scene. Mrs. Caldwell's anger and Ronald's defiance create a compelling dynamic that drives the tension.

Character Changes: 7

Mrs. Caldwell's perception of Ronald changes drastically, leading to a significant shift in their relationship. Ronald's defiance and integrity are highlighted, showcasing his character growth.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to defend his integrity and reputation in the face of false accusations and discrimination. This reflects his need for respect and fairness.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to maintain his job as a cello teacher and protect his relationship with Cecile. This reflects the immediate challenge of dealing with a hostile employer and protecting his livelihood.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between Mrs. Caldwell and Ronald is intense and emotionally charged, driving the scene forward and heightening the stakes.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Mrs. Caldwell's hostility and false accusations creating a challenging obstacle for the protagonist to overcome.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are high as Mrs. Caldwell bans Ronald from the house and forbids him from seeing Cecile. The characters' relationships are at risk, adding tension and drama to the scene.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing a major conflict and changing the dynamics between characters. It sets the stage for further developments and resolutions.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected turn of events and the shifting power dynamics between the characters.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the clash between social status and racial prejudice. Mrs. Caldwell's discriminatory behavior challenges Ronald's belief in equality and fairness.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes strong emotions from the audience, particularly anger, defiance, and betrayal. The tension and drama are palpable, keeping viewers engaged.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is sharp, emotional, and impactful, revealing the characters' motivations and emotions. It effectively conveys the power dynamics and conflicts at play.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the intense conflict and emotional stakes involved. The audience is drawn into the power struggle between the characters.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and maintains the audience's interest through well-timed dialogue exchanges and character reactions.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to the standard screenplay format, making it easy to follow the dialogue and action.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a dramatic confrontation, with clear character motivations and escalating tension.


Critique
  • The scene lacks subtlety in its dialogue and character interactions, coming off as overly dramatic and forced.
  • The conflict between Mrs. Caldwell and Ronald feels contrived and lacks depth, making it difficult for the audience to fully invest in the scene.
  • The dialogue between Mrs. Caldwell and Ronald feels stilted and unnatural, detracting from the authenticity of the characters' emotions and motivations.
  • The resolution of the conflict between Mrs. Caldwell and Ronald feels rushed and unsatisfying, leaving the audience with a sense of unresolved tension.
  • The scene could benefit from more nuanced character development and dialogue to create a more engaging and believable interaction.
Suggestions
  • Consider revising the dialogue to make it more realistic and nuanced, allowing the characters to express their emotions in a more authentic way.
  • Focus on developing the conflict between Mrs. Caldwell and Ronald to add depth and complexity to their relationship, making the scene more compelling for the audience.
  • Explore the characters' motivations and backstories to create a more layered and engaging interaction that resonates with the audience.
  • Consider adding subtext and subtle cues in the dialogue and character interactions to enhance the emotional impact of the scene and create a more immersive experience for the audience.
  • Work on pacing and structure to ensure that the resolution of the conflict feels earned and satisfying, providing a sense of closure for the audience.



Scene 20 -  A Letter from Cecile
42 INT. CALDWELL APARTMENT - ELEVATOR - DAY 42

Ronald rides down in the elevator.

RONALD
(angry)
Took me off the streets?

The elevator stops and the doors open. Sebastian and
Kathryn stand in the doorway, wearing shades. Kathryn
hands Cecile's letter.

43 INT. VALMONT TOWNHOUSE - SEBASTIAN'S BEDROOM - DAY 43

Ronald sits in a chair and reads Cecile's letter.
Sebastian and Kathryn watch.

RONALD
Wow. I never knew she had these kind
of feelings.

SEBASTIAN
You're a lucky guy.

RONALD
(eyes tear up)
She really loves me.
Sebastian and Kathryn roll their eyes.

RONALD (cont'd)
What do I do?

KATHRYN
What do you do? Tell her you love
her.

RONALD
But I can't even see her. She doesn't
have her own phone, I don't even know
her e-mail address.

SEBASTIAN
Ronald, e-mail's for geeks and
pedophiles. Be romantic. Write her
another letter.

RONALD
How will I get to her?

SEBASTIAN & KATHRYN
We'll make sure she gets it.

RONALD
Why are you being so good to me?

KATHRYN
Because we want to see Cecile happy
and we know you make her happy.

She hands Ronald a pen and paper.

KATHRYN (cont'd)
Now you just march yourself into the
study and start writing. We'll be there
to check on you in a minute.

Ronald leaves the room. Sebastian closes the door while
Kathryn picks up the phone and dials.

SEBASTIAN
Who are you calling?

KATHRYN
Cecile.

Sebastian hangs up the phone.

KATHRYN (cont'd)
What are you doing?

SEBASTIAN
Before we go through with this, I just
want you to be aware of the damage we're
going to cause.
KATHRYN
I'm aware.

She picks up the phone and he hangs it up again.

SEBASTIAN
Are you really? I mean, we've done some
pretty fucked up shit in our time but
this... I mean, we're destroying an
innocent girl. You do realize that.

KATHRYN
What is that? Oh my God, it's your
conscience.

She reaches out toward his temple, plucks a handful
of something, throws it to the ground and STOMPS on
it.

KATHRYN (cont'd)
Court Renolds is going down and if you're
not going to help me, someone else will.

SEBASTIAN
You amaze me.

KATHRYN
Eat me, Sebastian. It's alright for you
to fuck everyone, but because I'm a girl
it's wrong. Well let me tell you
something, I didn't ask to be a girl.
Do you think I relish the fact that I
have to act like Mary Sunshine twenty
four seven, so I can be considered a
"laaaady." Do you think I take great
delight when I hear - "Kathryn is so
wonderful." "Kathryn is a model child."
"Kathryn is going to make an excellent
wife one day."
(beat)
I'm the Marsha fucking Brady of the
upper East Side and sometimes I want to
kill myself for it. No, I don't enjoy
being a part of the weaker sex and for
that reason everyone around me is going
to suffer. So there's your psychoanalysis
Doctor Freud. Now are you in or are you
out?

Sebastian says nothing. Kathryn picks up the phone and
dials.

KATHRYN (cont'd)
Hello, Cecile. It's Kathryn. Alright,
stop crying. I understand. Hold on for
Sebastian.
She hands the phone to Sebastian.

SEBASTIAN
Cecile. Now I need you to listen to me
very carefully. I have a letter from
Ronald that he asked me to give to
you. Now I can't exactly bring it to
your house, since your mother
despises me so here's what we're going
to do.

44 CALDWELL APARTMENT - CECILE'S BEDROOM - NIGHT 44

The clock reads 1:30. A large collection of antiques
and stuffed animals line the room and walls. Cecile
lies in bed, eyes wide open. She crawls out of it,
dressed in sweats.

45 MANHATTAN STREET - NIGHT 45

Cecile exits a building and steps into a waiting
taxi.
Genres: ["Drama","Romance"]

Summary Ronald is handed a letter from Cecile by Sebastian and Kathryn in the elevator. Surprised by its contents, Ronald seeks advice from the couple on how to respond. Sebastian expresses concern about the consequences of their actions, while Kathryn is determined to see Cecile happy. They encourage Ronald to write a letter to Cecile, promising to deliver it to her.
Strengths
  • Complex characters
  • High emotional impact
  • Intriguing plot twists
  • Sharp dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Moral ambiguity may be off-putting to some viewers
  • Manipulative behavior may be uncomfortable for some audiences

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is engaging and intense, with well-developed characters and a high level of emotional impact. The manipulation and deception add layers of complexity to the plot, making it intriguing and compelling.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of manipulation and deception for personal gain is well-executed in the scene, driving the conflict and character development. The moral ambiguity of the characters adds depth to the storyline.

Plot: 8

The plot is driven by the manipulation and deception orchestrated by Sebastian and Kathryn, leading to high emotional stakes and conflict. The revelation of Cecile's feelings for Ronald adds a new layer to the storyline.

Originality: 8.5

The scene presents a fresh take on themes of love, manipulation, and privilege, with authentic character actions and dialogue that feel true to the setting and context.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are complex and morally ambiguous, with Sebastian and Kathryn displaying manipulative and deceptive traits. Ronald's emotional reaction to Cecile's letter adds depth to his character.

Character Changes: 8

The characters undergo significant changes, particularly Ronald who discovers Cecile's feelings for him. Sebastian and Kathryn's manipulative actions also reveal new facets of their personalities.

Internal Goal: 8

Ronald's internal goal in this scene is to express his love for Cecile and navigate the complexities of their relationship. This reflects his desire for connection and validation.

External Goal: 7.5

Ronald's external goal is to find a way to communicate his feelings to Cecile despite the obstacles in their way. This reflects the immediate challenge of their social circumstances and the interference of other characters.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The scene is filled with conflict, both internal and external, driven by the manipulation and deception of the characters. The high emotional stakes and moral dilemmas create tension and suspense.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with characters facing moral dilemmas and conflicting motivations that create obstacles to their goals.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in the scene, with characters facing emotional turmoil, betrayal, and manipulation. The consequences of their actions have far-reaching implications, adding tension and suspense.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by revealing Cecile's feelings for Ronald and setting up a new plot development involving the manipulation orchestrated by Sebastian and Kathryn. The conflict and emotional stakes are heightened.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable due to the characters' shifting motivations and moral dilemmas, keeping the audience on edge.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the characters' moral choices and the consequences of their actions. Sebastian and Kathryn struggle with their conscience and the impact of their manipulation on Cecile.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, with characters experiencing love, betrayal, and deception. The emotional exchanges and revelations add depth and intensity to the storyline.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is sharp and impactful, conveying the manipulative nature of Sebastian and Kathryn. The emotional exchanges between characters add depth to the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense emotional conflicts, sharp dialogue, and complex character relationships that draw the audience in.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and emotional intensity, with a rhythm that keeps the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with well-defined character arcs and narrative progression, fitting the expected format for its genre.


Critique
  • The scene is filled with tension and manipulation, which fits the overall tone of the screenplay. However, the dialogue between Sebastian and Kathryn feels a bit forced and melodramatic at times, especially Kathryn's monologue about her struggles as a woman in high society.
  • The emotional dynamics between the characters could be more nuanced and subtle to add depth to the scene. Sebastian's internal conflict about the consequences of their actions could be portrayed more effectively.
  • The transition between the different locations and characters could be smoother to enhance the flow of the scene.
  • The scene could benefit from more visual cues and actions to complement the dialogue and enhance the overall impact.
  • The resolution of the conflict between Sebastian and Kathryn feels a bit abrupt and could be developed further to provide a more satisfying conclusion.
Suggestions
  • Consider refining the dialogue to make it more natural and less melodramatic, focusing on the subtleties of the characters' emotions and motivations.
  • Explore ways to deepen the emotional complexity of the scene by adding layers to the characters' interactions and internal struggles.
  • Work on improving the pacing and transitions between different locations to create a more cohesive and engaging scene.
  • Incorporate more visual elements and actions to complement the dialogue and enhance the overall impact of the scene.
  • Consider expanding on the resolution of the conflict between Sebastian and Kathryn to provide a more satisfying and nuanced conclusion.



Scene 21 -  Uncomfortable Encounter
46 INT. VALMONT TOWNHOUSE - SEBASTIAN'S BEDROOM - NIGHT 46

Cecile lies on Sebastian's bed. She finishes the letter
while Sebastian fiddles with a camera.

CECILE
Finished.

She hands the letter to Sebastian, who looks it over.

SEBASTIAN
Excellent.

CECILE
You think he'll like it?

SEBASTIAN
He'll love it.

He points the camera at Cecile and snaps a photo.

CECILE
What are you doing?

SEBASTIAN
Just taking your photo.

CECILE
I look terrible.

SEBASTIAN
Mmmm, you're right. Those clothes
don't do you justice. Why don't you
take them off.

Cecile gasps.

CECILE
I'm getting out of here.

She stands to leave. Sebastian blocks her path.

SEBASTIAN
I'm sorry that was out of line.

CECILE
(scared)
I want to go home.

SEBASTIAN
I was just kidding.

CECILE
(eyes watering)
I want to go home.

He moves toward the phone

SEBASTIAN
Okay, okay. I'll just call your mom
and have her come pick you up.

CECILE
My mom? Don't call my mom.

SEBASTIAN
Why not? ... Oh wow, she doesn't
know you're here. In fact, you're
grounded. Jesus, you could get in a
shitload of trouble for this.
I think I should call her anyway.

Cecile runs over to him, sobbing, and wraps her arms
around his legs.

CECILE
Please please please. I'll do
anything. Just don't call my mom.

SEBASTIAN
Cecile, all I want to do is give you a
kiss.

CECILE
And then I can go home?

SEBASTIAN
Of course. I'm not a monster.

Cecile breathes a sigh of relief. He pulls her up to her
feet.

CECILE
Just a kiss, right?

SEBASTIAN
I swear.

She closes her eyes, then puckers up. Sebastian takes the
string holding up her sweats and pulls it open.

Cecile bolts up.

CECILE
What are you doing?

SEBASTIAN
You promised to let me kiss you.

CECILE
But -

SEBASTIAN
(pointing at her lips)
I don't want to kiss you here. I want
to kiss you there.

Sebastian points to her crotch. She moves her hands to
her sweats and looks up at him. Sebastian shrugs.

Cecile pulls the string to her sweats. They fall to the
floor.
Genres: ["Drama","Romance"]

Summary In this scene, Cecile finishes writing a letter while Sebastian fiddles with a camera. Sebastian takes a photo of Cecile and makes suggestive comments that scare her. Cecile pleads with Sebastian not to call her mom and agrees to let him kiss her, but he tries to go further. The main conflict is Sebastian's inappropriate behavior towards Cecile, causing fear and distress. The emotional tone is tense and disturbing, with visual elements of Sebastian pressuring Cecile into a compromising situation, leading to an uncomfortable escalation.
Strengths
  • Intense emotional impact
  • Effective portrayal of manipulation and betrayal
  • Strong character development
Weaknesses
  • Inappropriate behavior may be disturbing to some viewers

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively conveys a sense of manipulation and betrayal through the characters' actions and dialogue, creating a tense and emotional atmosphere.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of manipulation and inappropriate behavior is well-executed in the scene, driving the conflict and emotional impact.

Plot: 7

The plot advances through the manipulation and betrayal unfolding in the scene, adding depth to the characters' relationships.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh approach to the theme of manipulation and control, with unexpected twists that challenge the audience's expectations. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters' actions and dialogue effectively convey their motivations and personalities, especially in the context of manipulation and betrayal.

Character Changes: 7

The characters undergo emotional changes as a result of the manipulation and betrayal, deepening their development.

Internal Goal: 8

Cecile's internal goal is to escape the uncomfortable and potentially dangerous situation with Sebastian. This reflects her fear and desire for safety and autonomy.

External Goal: 7

Sebastian's external goal is to manipulate and control Cecile for his own pleasure. This reflects his immediate desire for power and dominance.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between the characters is intense and emotionally charged, driving the narrative forward.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Cecile facing a difficult and uncomfortable situation that adds to the suspense and conflict.

High Stakes: 8

The high stakes of manipulation and betrayal add tension and drama to the scene, raising the emotional impact.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by revealing the characters' true intentions and setting up future conflicts.

Unpredictability: 8

The scene is unpredictable in its twists and turns, creating a sense of unease and tension for the audience.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict is evident in the power dynamics between Sebastian and Cecile, highlighting the clash between manipulation and autonomy, control and freedom.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions from the characters and the audience, creating a powerful and memorable moment.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue enhances the tension and emotional impact of the scene, revealing the characters' true intentions and feelings.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its intense conflict and suspenseful dialogue, keeping the audience on edge.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the outcome.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to the standard screenplay format, making it easy to follow and visualize the scene.

Structure: 8

The structure follows the expected format for a dramatic scene, building tension and conflict effectively.


Critique
  • This scene is highly inappropriate and disturbing, as it depicts Sebastian pressuring and manipulating Cecile into a sexual encounter.
  • The power dynamics are extremely problematic, with Sebastian using emotional manipulation and coercion to get what he wants from Cecile.
  • The scene lacks sensitivity and fails to address the serious implications of Sebastian's actions on Cecile's well-being.
  • The dialogue and actions in the scene perpetuate harmful stereotypes and normalize predatory behavior.
  • Overall, the scene is deeply troubling and should be revised or removed entirely from the screenplay.
Suggestions
  • Consider rewriting the scene to remove any elements of coercion or manipulation, and instead focus on a more respectful and consensual interaction between Sebastian and Cecile.
  • Ensure that the characters' actions and dialogue align with ethical standards and do not promote harmful behavior.
  • If the scene is essential to the plot, approach it with sensitivity and address the consequences of Sebastian's actions on Cecile's emotional and mental well-being.
  • Consult with experts or sensitivity readers to ensure that the scene is handled appropriately and does not perpetuate harmful stereotypes or behaviors.
  • Consider exploring alternative ways to advance the plot without resorting to scenes that depict non-consensual or inappropriate behavior.



Scene 22 -  Unwelcome Encounter
47 INT. CALDWELL APARTMENT - CECILE'S BEDROOM - DAY 47

Mrs. Caldwell enters the room.

MRS. CALDWELL
Cecile are you up yet? We're gonna to
be late for the -

She notices the bed is empty.

MRS. CALDWELL (cont'd)
Cecile?

She walks over the bathroom door and knocks.

MRS. CALDWELL (cont'd)
Cecile?

CECILE (O.S.)
I'm in the bath, mom.

MRS. CALDWELL
Well hurry up. I want to be at Mrs.
Rosemond's before lunch.
CECILE (O.S.)
Okay.

48 INT. CALDWELL APARTMENT - CECILE'S BATHROOM - DAY 48

Cecile stands in front of her mirror, crying. She applies
make-up to several hickeys on her neck. She XXX down
her shirt and grimaces. She sticks her finger the make-
up bottle, then puts her hand down her shirt.

49 EXT. ESTATE - TERRACE - DAY 49

Aunt Helen, Annette, Mrs. Caldwell and Cecile are having
lunch. Cecile is wearing a turtle neck.

MRS. CALDWELL
It was nice of you to invite us up
for the weekend, Helen.

AUNT HELEN
More the merrier.
(to Cecile)
Is everything alright my dear?

CECILE
I'm just not feeling well.

Sebastian enters carrying his tennis racket.

SEBASTIAN
Afternoon ladies.

Cecile is stunned that he's there. Sebastian takes a
seat at the table.

MRS. CALDWELL
I didn't know you'd be here,
Sebastian.

SEBASTIAN
I wasn't planning on it, but being
such a lovely day, why waste it in the
city. Anyone for tennis?

He looks at Cecile and strokes the shaft of his racket.

Cecile stands and rushes into the house.

SEBASTIAN (cont'd)
What's wrong with her?

No one knows.

MRS. CALDWELL (cont'd)
Would you excuse me for a minute?
Mrs. Caldwell follows her into the house.

SEBASTIAN
(concerned)
I hope she's alright.

AUNT HELEN
I better go check on them.

Aunt Helen stands and enters the house.

SEBASTIAN
Alone again.
(beat)
What are you up to today?

ANNETTE
I'm doing some volunteer work.

SEBASTIAN
Need any company?

ANNETTE
You? Volunteer? I don't think so.

SEBASTIAN
I don't know? Maybe I'd like it. I'm
trying to change here. You could be
supportive.

ANNETTE
(smiling)
Okay.

SEBASTIAN
Babe, you're looking at the next Mother
Teresa.

Annette shakes her head and laughs.
Genres: ["Drama","Romance"]

Summary Cecile hides in the bathroom after Sebastian arrives unexpectedly. Mrs. Caldwell checks on Cecile while Aunt Helen offers help. Sebastian asks Annette to volunteer with him, and she agrees.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Engaging dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Lack of high-stakes conflict

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively combines drama, romance, and light-hearted moments to create a compelling and emotionally engaging family interaction.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a family lunch where personal issues and tensions come to the surface is well-executed, providing insight into the characters' relationships and emotions.

Plot: 7

The plot progresses as Cecile deals with her personal issue and Sebastian tries to engage with Annette, adding layers to the characters and their dynamics.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the theme of appearances versus reality, exploring the complexities of social expectations and personal authenticity. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and relatable, adding depth to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed, with Cecile's emotional turmoil and Sebastian's playful yet concerned demeanor adding depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 7

Cecile experiences emotional turmoil, while Sebastian shows a mix of concern and playfulness, indicating some character development.

Internal Goal: 8

Cecile's internal goal is to hide the hickeys on her neck and deal with the emotional turmoil she is experiencing. This reflects her desire to maintain a facade of normalcy and avoid confronting the issues in her personal life.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to navigate the social interactions at the lunch gathering and avoid drawing attention to herself. This reflects the immediate challenge of concealing her emotional distress and maintaining appearances in front of her family and guests.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

There is a moderate level of conflict present, primarily in Cecile's personal struggles and the tension between characters.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, as Cecile faces internal and external challenges that threaten to expose her true emotions and disrupt the social dynamics at the lunch gathering.

High Stakes: 5

The stakes are relatively low in this scene, focusing more on personal and emotional conflicts rather than high-stakes drama.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by revealing personal struggles and tensions within the family, setting the stage for future developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected emotional revelations and conflicts that arise, keeping the audience on edge and eager to see how the characters' relationships unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the contrast between appearances and reality, as Cecile struggles to hide her true emotions and experiences behind a facade of normalcy. This challenges her beliefs about social expectations and personal authenticity.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from concern to playfulness, creating a strong emotional impact on the audience.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue effectively conveys the characters' emotions and relationships, enhancing the overall impact of the scene.

Engagement: 8

This scene is engaging because of the subtle tension and emotional depth in the characters' interactions, as well as the underlying conflicts and mysteries that drive the narrative forward.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining a steady rhythm that builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the characters' emotional journeys.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with proper scene headings, character cues, and dialogue formatting that enhance readability and clarity.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear transitions between locations and well-paced dialogue that advances the plot and develops the characters.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear focus or central conflict, making it feel disjointed and lacking in tension.
  • The dialogue between Mrs. Caldwell, Cecile, and Sebastian feels superficial and lacks depth, failing to engage the audience emotionally.
  • Cecile's emotional state is not effectively conveyed through her actions and dialogue, making her character development unclear.
  • Sebastian's sudden appearance and interaction with Cecile and Annette feel forced and do not contribute to the overall narrative.
  • The transition between the different characters and their interactions is abrupt and does not flow smoothly.
Suggestions
  • Establish a clear central conflict or tension within the scene to drive the character interactions and engage the audience.
  • Focus on developing Cecile's emotional turmoil and internal struggles more effectively to create a more compelling character arc.
  • Consider reworking Sebastian's entrance and interactions to be more organic and meaningful to the overall story.
  • Improve the pacing and transitions between the different character interactions to create a more cohesive and engaging scene.
  • Add depth to the dialogue between the characters to reveal more about their motivations and relationships, enhancing the overall impact of the scene.



Scene 23 -  Sebastian's Visit
50 INT. ESTATE - CECILE'S GUEST ROOM - DAY 50

Cecile talks on the phone.

CECILE
Please. I need you. I don't know what
to do. You're the only one I can talk
to.

51 INT. VALMONT TOWNHOUSE - LIVING ROOM - DAY 51

Kathryn listens on the other end of the conversation.

KATHRYN
I'll be there in a few hours.

She hangs up the phone and smiles.
52 EXT. RETIREMENT HOME - DAY 52

Establishing shot.

53 INT. RETIREMENT HOME - HALLWAY - DAY 53

A NURSE escorts Sebastian and Annette down the hall.

NURSE
It's really nice when the young people
help out. Most of our patients don't
have any family nearby.

They stop at a door and open it. An OLD MAN sits in his
hospital bed.

NURSE (cont'd)
Mister Gottlieb, we have a visitor for
you.

Sebastian starts to enter the room, when the nurse stops
him.

NURSE (cont'd)
Actually Sebastian, you're going to be
spending the hour with Mrs. Sugarman.

The Nurse escorts an unhappy Sebastian down the
hall. Annette waves "bye bye" to him.

54 INT. RETIREMENT HOME - MR. GOTTLIEB'S ROOM - DAY 54

Annette sits by Mister Gottlieb's bed and reads from a book
of poetry.

55 INT. RETIREMENT HOME - MRS. SUGARMAN'S ROOM - DAY 55

A senile MRS. SUGARMAN sits in bed, while Sebastian does
a newspaper crossword puzzle and ignores her. He smokes
a cigarette and flicks the ash into her bedpan which lies
next to her on the bed.

MRS. SUGERMAN
Did I ever tell you the time when my
late husband sent me -

SEBASTIAN
Yes, you already did.

MRS. SUGERMAN
I did?

Sebastian never takes his eyes off the paper.

SEBASTIAN
Right after we played backgammon.
MRS. SUGERMAN
We played backgammon?

SEBASTIAN
Uh huh. You beat me three times.

MRS. SUGERMAN
I did?

SEBASTIAN
Yep. Then I fucked your daughter.

MRS. SUGERMAN
Excuse me?

He turns to her and extinguishes his cigarette.

SEBASTIAN
I said, do you want some water?

MRS. SUGERMAN
Oh... no thank you...

There's a knock at the door.

SEBASTIAN
Come in.

Annette and the nurse enter.

NURSE
How we doing in here?

MRS. SUGERMAN
I won three games of backgammon.

Sebastian smiles at Annette, who smiles back.
Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

Summary Cecile calls Kathryn for help. Sebastian and Annette visit a retirement home. Sebastian is rude to Mrs. Sugarman but pretends to be nice when the nurse and Annette enter the room. The scene highlights conflicts in Sebastian's behavior and the emotional tone of desperation, rudeness, and pretense.
Strengths
  • Sharp dialogue
  • Unique character interactions
  • Dark humor
Weaknesses
  • Potential for offense or discomfort in the interactions with the elderly residents

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 7

The scene is engaging and provides a mix of humor and discomfort, but some may find the interactions inappropriate or offensive.


Story Content

Concept: 7

The concept of exploring the interactions between a young caregiver and elderly residents in a retirement home is intriguing and offers a fresh perspective.

Plot: 6

The plot in this scene revolves around Sebastian's interactions with the elderly residents, adding a layer of dark humor and discomfort to the overall story.

Originality: 8

The scene presents a fresh approach to exploring themes of vulnerability, loyalty, and empathy through contrasting character interactions. The dialogue feels authentic and adds depth to the characters.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters in this scene, particularly Sebastian and the elderly residents, are well-developed and add depth to the story with their unique personalities and interactions.

Character Changes: 4

There is minimal character change in this scene, as the focus is more on the interactions and dynamics between the characters.

Internal Goal: 8

Cecile's internal goal is to seek comfort and guidance from someone she trusts. This reflects her vulnerability and need for support in a difficult situation.

External Goal: 7

Kathryn's external goal is to physically be there for Cecile, showing her loyalty and willingness to help in a time of need.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 5

The conflict in this scene is more subtle, revolving around the uncomfortable interactions between Sebastian and the elderly residents.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting values and attitudes between characters creating tension and uncertainty. The audience is left wondering how these conflicts will unfold.

High Stakes: 3

The stakes in this scene are relatively low, focusing more on character dynamics and humor rather than high-stakes drama.

Story Forward: 5

The scene provides some insight into Sebastian's character and his interactions with the elderly residents, but does not significantly move the main plot forward.

Unpredictability: 7

The scene is unpredictable in its character interactions and dialogue, keeping the audience on their toes with unexpected moments and dark humor.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict lies in the contrasting attitudes towards the elderly - Sebastian's indifference and disrespect towards Mrs. Sugarman, and Annette's kindness and compassion towards Mister Gottlieb. This challenges the characters' values and empathy levels.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The scene evokes a mix of emotions, including discomfort, amusement, and a touch of sadness, making it emotionally impactful.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue in the scene is sharp, sarcastic, and darkly humorous, adding to the overall tone and atmosphere of the scene.

Engagement: 8

This scene is engaging due to its emotional depth, character dynamics, and dark humor. The contrasting interactions and thematic exploration keep the audience invested.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotional depth, allowing for moments of reflection and character development. It enhances the overall impact of the scene.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting adheres to the expected format for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions. It enhances the readability and visual clarity of the scene.

Structure: 9

The scene follows a clear structure, transitioning smoothly between different locations and character interactions. It maintains a cohesive narrative flow.


Critique
  • The scene at the retirement home lacks depth and purpose, feeling disconnected from the overall narrative of the screenplay.
  • Sebastian's behavior towards Mrs. Sugarman is inappropriate and disrespectful, which may not align with the character development established so far.
  • The dialogue between Sebastian and Mrs. Sugarman is jarring and out of place, detracting from the emotional impact of the scene.
  • The interaction between Annette and Mr. Gottlieb feels forced and lacks authenticity, failing to engage the audience in a meaningful way.
  • The scene fails to advance the plot or develop the characters in a significant manner, making it feel like filler content.
Suggestions
  • Consider revising the scene to have a clearer purpose that ties into the main storyline or character arcs.
  • Refine Sebastian's behavior to be more in line with his established traits and motivations, ensuring consistency in his actions.
  • Revisit the dialogue between Sebastian and Mrs. Sugarman to make it more respectful and appropriate for the tone of the screenplay.
  • Enhance the interaction between Annette and Mr. Gottlieb to add depth and emotional resonance to the scene.
  • Focus on integrating the scene seamlessly into the overall narrative, ensuring it contributes meaningfully to the progression of the story.



Scene 24 -  Sebastian and Annette's Drive Home
56 INT. PORSCHE - DAY 56

Sebastian and Annette drive towards the estate.

SEBASTIAN
It's weird. I actually feel good about
myself. Can we do this again next week?

ANNETTE
Oh please.

SEBASTIAN
What?

ANNETTE
"I actually feel good about myself?"

SEBASTIAN
I do.

ANNETTE
You must take me for a real idiot.

SEBASTIAN
I don't.

ANNETTE
You're going to tell me that you had a
good time with the old lady.

SEBASTIAN
I did. We played three games of backgammon
and...

She throws him a look.

SEBASTIAN (cont'd)
Alright. I was bored out of my fucking
mind. I hate doing charity.

ANNETTE
That's okay. It doesn't make you a bad
person.

SEBASTIAN
Yes it does.

ANNETTE
No, it doesn't. I'm happy you're being
honest with me.

SEBASTIAN
(sighs)
I can't win with you.

ANNETTE
It's not about winning. You know what
your problem is? You take yourself way
too seriously.

SEBASTIAN
I do not.

ANNETTE
Lighten up.

SEBASTIAN
I am lighten. Can we drop this?

ANNETTE
Fine.

They drive on in silence. A smile comes over Annette's
face. She turns to him, crosses her eyes and makes a
face. Sebastian looks over.
SEBASTIAN
What are you doing? Stop it, it's
distracting.

She holds the face. Sebastian starts to laugh.

SEBASTIAN (cont'd)
Cut it out.

He continues to laugh. She stops making the face.

ANNETTE
Oh dear, are you actually laughing?

SEBASTIAN
No.

ANNETTE
No?

She makes the face again. He laughs.

SEBASTIAN
Stop that.

She laughs with him.

ANNETTE
There's hope for you, yet.

She reaches out and holds his hand. He squeezes it.
Genres: ["Romance","Drama"]

Summary Sebastian and Annette drive home from a charity event. Sebastian is conflicted about admitting that he enjoyed spending time with his mother and he is conflicted about Annette's suggestion to not take himself so seriously. Anette makes a funny face and Sebastian laughs in spite of himself. They end up happy and comfortable with each other.
Strengths
  • Authentic dialogue
  • Character dynamics
  • Humor
Weaknesses
  • Lack of significant plot progression
  • Low stakes

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively balances humor and sincerity, offering a refreshing change of pace. The dialogue feels natural and engaging, showcasing the characters' personalities.


Story Content

Concept: 7

The concept of showcasing a lighter moment between Sebastian and Annette adds depth to their relationship and provides insight into their characters.

Plot: 7

While the scene doesn't significantly advance the main plot, it adds depth to the characters and their dynamics, contributing to the overall narrative.

Originality: 8

The scene offers a fresh take on the classic trope of characters navigating their relationships and inner struggles. The authenticity of the dialogue and the nuanced portrayal of the characters add to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The scene focuses on Sebastian and Annette, allowing their personalities to shine through in a more relaxed setting. Their banter and interactions feel authentic and engaging.

Character Changes: 5

While there is subtle growth in the characters' relationship, there are no major character changes in this scene.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to feel good about himself and be honest with Annette. This reflects his need for validation and his struggle with being genuine in his interactions.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to navigate his relationship with Annette and maintain a sense of connection with her. This reflects the immediate challenge of communication and understanding between the characters.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 3

The scene lacks significant conflict, focusing more on the characters' personal dynamics and lighter interactions.

Opposition: 6

The opposition in the scene is moderate, with Annette challenging Sebastian's beliefs and behaviors, creating a sense of conflict and tension.

High Stakes: 2

The stakes are relatively low in this scene, focusing more on character development and relationship building.

Story Forward: 5

The scene does not significantly move the main plot forward but provides valuable insight into the characters' dynamics and relationships.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable due to the shifting dynamics between the characters and the unexpected moments of humor and vulnerability that arise.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around honesty and self-perception. Annette challenges Sebastian's seriousness and encourages him to lighten up, highlighting a clash between their values and perspectives on life.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from humor to sincerity, creating a well-rounded emotional experience for the audience.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is witty, playful, and reveals nuances in the characters' relationship. It effectively conveys their emotions and adds depth to their interactions.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the witty banter, emotional depth, and character development that unfolds through the dialogue and interactions between Sebastian and Annette.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and emotional resonance, with a balance of dialogue and action that keeps the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to the expected format for a dialogue-heavy scene in a screenplay, with clear character cues and scene descriptions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a typical structure for a dialogue-driven interaction between characters, with a clear progression of conflict and resolution.


Critique
  • The scene lacks depth and emotional resonance, as the dialogue feels superficial and lacks authenticity.
  • The interaction between Sebastian and Annette feels forced and lacks genuine chemistry, making it difficult for the audience to invest in their relationship.
  • The humor in the scene comes across as contrived and cliched, diminishing the impact of the emotional moments.
  • Sebastian's character development is stagnant in this scene, as he fails to show vulnerability or growth despite the potential for introspection.
  • The conflict between Sebastian and Annette is resolved too quickly and easily, missing an opportunity for a more meaningful and impactful resolution.
Suggestions
  • Add more depth to the dialogue by exploring the characters' inner thoughts and emotions, allowing for a more authentic and engaging interaction.
  • Focus on building a stronger connection between Sebastian and Annette through meaningful conversations and shared experiences to enhance their chemistry.
  • Consider incorporating more nuanced humor that aligns with the characters' personalities and the overall tone of the scene.
  • Provide opportunities for Sebastian to show vulnerability and growth, allowing for a more dynamic and relatable character arc.
  • Extend the conflict between Sebastian and Annette to create tension and suspense, leading to a more impactful resolution that resonates with the audience.



Scene 25 -  Guidance and Empowerment
57 INT. ESTATE - CECILE'S GUEST ROOM - DAY 57

Cecile lies in the bed. There's a knock on the door.

CECILE
Who is it?

KATHRYN (O.S.)
It's Kathryn.

Cecile bolts up and unlocks the door. Kathryn stands
there with a worried look on her face.

KATHRYN (cont'd)
Are you okay?

CECILE
No.

Kathryn enters and locks the door behind her. Cecile is
crying.

KATHRYN
Calm down. Tell me what's wrong.
CECILE
Something awful happened last night.

KATHRYN
What do you mean?!

CECILE
I... I don't think you want to know.

KATHRYN
Cecile, you have to tell me.

CECILE
It involves your brother. He... took
advantage of me.

KATHRYN
Does your mother know?

CECILE
If she knew, she'd kill me. It
happened at your house last night.

KATHRYN
Why didn't you do something?

CECILE
I don't know.

KATHRYN
So, let me get this straight. You
came over to our house late last night
and he forced intercourse on you.

CECILE
Well... not exactly.

KATHRYN
He made you give him a blow job.

CECILE
No.

KATHRYN
Well what then?

Cecile waits a moment, then whispers in her ear.

KATHRYN (cont'd)
He ate you out?

CECILE
If that's what you call it.

KATHRYN
Cecile, I think you're going to have
a hard time crying rape if that's all
he did.

CECILE
What do I do then?

KATHRYN
Well did you like it?

CECILE
Well... I don't know - it was weird.
At first it felt icky, then it felt
kind of okay. Then, I started getting
really hot and then I started shaking
and then like, I don't t know... it
felt like an explosion, but a good one.

Kathryn laughs.

KATHRYN
Cecile, you had an orgasm.

CECILE
I did?

KATHRYN
I'm so proud of you. You're becoming a
woman.

CECILE
I am?

Kathryn nods. Cecile embraces her, happy.

KATHRYN
Now listen. Now that you're on your
way, it would be stupid of you to stop.
Think of Sebastian as a tutor. Let him
instruct you.

CECILE
I don't love him. I love Ronald.

KATHRYN
So? Don't you want to make Ronald a
happy pappy? Practice makes perfect,
Cecile. My advice is to sleep with as
many people as possible.

CECILE
But that would make me a slut.
(beat)
Wouldn't it?

KATHRYN
Cecile, everybody does it. It's just
that nobody talks about it.
Cecile takes the information in.

CECILE
It's like a secret society.

KATHRYN
That's one way of looking at it.

CECILE
Cool.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary Cecile confides in Kathryn about her sexual encounter with Sebastian, Kathryn educates Cecile on what happened and encourages her to embrace her sexuality. The scene takes place in Cecile's guest room at the estate during the day. The conflict arises from Cecile's distress but is resolved as Kathryn helps her understand and accept her experience. The emotional tone is a mix of confusion, distress, and eventual acceptance. The scene ends with Cecile feeling reassured and empowered by Kathryn's guidance.
Strengths
  • Complex character dynamics
  • Manipulative dialogue
  • Exploration of controversial themes
Weaknesses
  • Potentially triggering content
  • Lack of clear moral stance on the characters' actions

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is impactful due to its controversial and manipulative nature, revealing complex dynamics between characters and setting up potential conflicts and character arcs.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of manipulation, power dynamics, and sexual exploration is well-executed, adding depth to the characters and setting up future conflicts.

Plot: 7

The plot advances through the revelation of Sebastian's inappropriate behavior towards Cecile, adding tension and complexity to the relationships within the story.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh and bold approach to discussing sexuality and empowerment, with authentic and raw dialogue that challenges societal norms.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Kathryn and Cecile are well-developed in this scene, showcasing their manipulative tendencies and conflicting emotions, adding layers to their personalities.

Character Changes: 6

Cecile experiences a shift in her perception of sexuality and power dynamics, setting up potential character growth and conflicts in the future.

Internal Goal: 8

Cecile's internal goal in this scene is to come to terms with a traumatic experience and seek guidance from Kathryn on how to navigate her feelings and experiences.

External Goal: 7

Cecile's external goal is to seek advice on how to handle the situation with Kathryn's brother and navigate her feelings about her sexual experience.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between Kathryn and Cecile regarding Sebastian's actions creates tension and sets up potential confrontations and resolutions in the future.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, as Cecile grapples with conflicting emotions and societal expectations, creating a sense of uncertainty and tension.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are high as Cecile grapples with the aftermath of her encounter with Sebastian and the manipulative influence of Kathryn, setting up potential consequences and conflicts.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by revealing crucial information about Sebastian's behavior and setting up future conflicts and resolutions.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected twists in the conversation and the taboo subject matter that challenges audience expectations.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around societal expectations of women's sexuality and the idea of empowerment through sexual experiences. It challenges Cecile's beliefs and values about her own agency and self-worth.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes conflicting emotions in the audience, from discomfort to intrigue, adding depth to the character dynamics and story.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is impactful, revealing the manipulative nature of Kathryn and the confusion of Cecile, setting up future conflicts and character development.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the emotional intensity and provocative subject matter that keeps the audience invested in the characters' journey.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and emotional depth, leading to a satisfying resolution.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and easy to follow, adhering to standard screenplay conventions.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows a typical dramatic setup, with a clear conflict and resolution that drives the narrative forward.


Critique
  • The scene portrays a disturbing and inappropriate interaction between Kathryn and Cecile, where Kathryn downplays the seriousness of the situation and encourages Cecile to embrace her sexuality.
  • The dialogue and actions of Kathryn normalize predatory behavior and undermine the importance of consent and boundaries.
  • The tone of the scene is unsettling and uncomfortable, as it trivializes a potentially traumatic experience for Cecile.
  • The scene lacks sensitivity and fails to address the emotional impact of the situation on Cecile, focusing instead on glorifying sexual experiences.
  • The scene perpetuates harmful stereotypes about women and sexuality, suggesting that promiscuity is a desirable trait.
Suggestions
  • Consider revising the scene to address the issue of consent and the emotional well-being of Cecile in a more responsible manner.
  • Avoid normalizing predatory behavior and instead emphasize the importance of respecting boundaries and seeking help in such situations.
  • Focus on portraying a supportive and empowering conversation between Kathryn and Cecile, highlighting the significance of self-worth and healthy relationships.
  • Refrain from glorifying sexual experiences and instead promote a message of self-respect, empowerment, and understanding of consent.
  • Consider consulting with experts or resources on sensitive topics like sexual assault to ensure the scene is handled with care and accuracy.



Scene 26 -  Sebastian's Conflict
58 EXT. ESTATE - GARDEN - DAY 58

Annette sits on the grass reading Gabriel Garcia
Marquez's Love In The Time Of Cholera. She puts the book
down and wipes a tear from her eye.

59 INT. ESTATE - SEBASTIAN'S ROOM - DAY 59

Sebastian peers out his window with a pair of binoculars.
Kathryn enters his room.

KATHRYN
I just had a nice chat with Cecile. I
don't think she'll be giving you
anymore problems.

SEBASTIAN
Yippy.

KATHRYN
Who are you spying on?

SEBASTIAN
Take a look for yourself.

He hands the binoculars to Kathryn, who looks out the
window.

KATHRYN
That her?

SEBASTIAN
Yeah.

KATHRYN
Jesus, she reeks of Laura Ashley.
(sarcastic)
Oh, she's crying. Wittle baby's upset
by the big bad book.

Sebastian grabs the binoculars from her.

SEBASTIAN
Shut up.
KATHRYN
What's your problem?

SEBASTIAN
Nothing.

KATHRYN
She's really getting to you, isn't
she?

SEBASTIAN
If you must know, yes. I don't know
what to do. I can't stand that holier
than thou bullshit and yet, I'm
completely infatuated with her.
(beat)
She made me laugh.

KATHRYN
And that's why you're losing your bet?

SEBASTIAN
I'm not losing the bet. It's just
taking longer than I expected.

KATHRYN
Do you mind if I take my new Porsche
for a ride?

SEBASTIAN
Kathryn, the only thing you're going to
be riding is me. Now if you'll excuse
me, I have some work to do.

He storms out of the room.
Genres: ["Drama","Romance"]

Summary Annette sits in the garden reading and crying. Sebastian spies on her from his window with binoculars. Kathryn enters Sebastian's room and sees Annette through the binoculars. Sebastian and Kathryn argue about Annette, with Kathryn mocking her and Sebastian defending her. Sebastian storms out of the room.
Strengths
  • Strong character development
  • Emotionally charged dialogue
  • Revealing character interactions
Weaknesses
  • Some moments of manipulation may be uncomfortable for some viewers

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is engaging and emotionally charged, with strong character dynamics and impactful dialogue.


Story Content

Concept: 7

The concept of conflicting emotions, manipulation, and personal revelations is well-executed in the scene.

Plot: 8

The plot advances significantly with revelations about the characters' true feelings and motivations.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh take on the familiar themes of manipulation and power dynamics, adding depth and complexity to the characters' interactions. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue contributes to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are complex and multi-dimensional, with their inner conflicts and vulnerabilities on full display.

Character Changes: 8

Several characters experience significant emotional changes and revelations, particularly Sebastian and Cecile.

Internal Goal: 8

Sebastian's internal goal is to navigate his conflicting feelings towards Cecile, balancing his disdain for her holier-than-thou attitude with his growing infatuation for her.

External Goal: 7

Sebastian's external goal is to maintain his facade of manipulation and control, particularly in his interactions with Kathryn.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

There is a high level of internal and external conflict present in the scene, driving the emotional intensity.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting desires and motivations driving the characters' actions and dialogue. The audience is left unsure of how the power dynamics will play out.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are high in terms of emotional vulnerability and personal growth for the characters.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by revealing key information about the characters' motivations and relationships.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting power dynamics and emotional revelations between the characters. The audience is kept on their toes as they navigate the characters' conflicting motivations and desires.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the themes of power, manipulation, and vulnerability. Sebastian's internal struggle reflects a clash between his desire for control and his unexpected emotional connection to Cecile.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions from the characters and the audience, particularly in moments of vulnerability and revelation.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is sharp, revealing, and drives the emotional intensity of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its sharp dialogue, complex character dynamics, and underlying sense of tension and manipulation. The conflict and emotional stakes keep the audience invested in the characters' motivations and actions.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged in the characters' emotional journey and conflicts.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, effectively building tension and conflict through the characters' interactions and dialogue.


Critique
  • The scene lacks depth in exploring Sebastian's conflicting emotions towards Annette. The dialogue between Sebastian and Kathryn feels somewhat forced and lacks subtlety in conveying Sebastian's inner turmoil.
  • The interaction between Sebastian and Kathryn comes off as overly dramatic and exaggerated, diminishing the impact of Sebastian's internal struggle.
  • The dialogue feels a bit on-the-nose, with Kathryn's sarcastic remarks about Annette's emotional state coming across as too blunt and lacking nuance.
  • There is a missed opportunity to delve deeper into Sebastian's vulnerability and conflicting feelings towards Annette, which could have added more complexity to his character.
  • The scene could benefit from more nuanced and layered dialogue that conveys Sebastian's internal conflict in a more subtle and impactful way.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more depth to Sebastian's character by exploring his conflicting emotions towards Annette in a more nuanced way.
  • Focus on creating a more subtle and realistic interaction between Sebastian and Kathryn to enhance the emotional impact of Sebastian's internal struggle.
  • Revise the dialogue to be more nuanced and less on-the-nose, allowing for a more authentic portrayal of Sebastian's inner turmoil.
  • Explore Sebastian's vulnerability and conflicting feelings towards Annette in a more profound manner to add complexity to his character.
  • Work on crafting dialogue that conveys Sebastian's internal conflict in a subtle and impactful way, enhancing the emotional depth of the scene.



Scene 27 -  Confessions in the Garden
60 EXT. ESTATE - GARDEN - DAY 60

Sebastian walks over to Annette, who continues to read her
book. She notices him and sets the book down.

SEBASTIAN
Am I bothering you?

ANNETTE
Not at all. Have a seat.

He sits down next to her.

SEBASTIAN
Don't tell me you finished The
Fountainhead already?

She nods. He points to her book.

SEBASTIAN (cont'd)
Great book. What's the guy's name,
Florentino...

ANNETTE
Florentino Ariza.

Sebastian sticks his hand in his pocket and fiddles
around.

SEBASTIAN
My friend Monsieur Philipe is a friend
of Florentino.

ANNETTE
Who's Monsieur Philipe?

SEBASTIAN
You don't know Monsieur Philipe?

Sebastian takes out a SOCK PUPPET.

SEBASTIAN (cont'd)
(low voice)
Bonjour mademoiselle.

ANNETTE
(laughs)
Bonjour Monsieur Philipe.

SEBASTIAN
(Monsieur Philipe voice)
You are very pretty. I would like to
kiss you.

The puppet kisses her on the cheek.

SEBASTIAN (cont'd)
(Monsieur Philipe voice)
Oooo, that felt good.

ANNETTE
Thank you.

He kisses her on the cheek.

SEBASTIAN
(Monsieur Philipe voice)
That felt good too. I will kiss you
all over.

The puppet attacks a laughing Annette. She playfully
grabs Sebastian and starts to tickle him. Sebastian
tickles her back.

They roll around on the ground until Sebastian lands on
top of her. A moment of tense silence passes and
Sebastian kisses her. The kissing intensifies until she
pushes him off her.
Sebastian stands.

SEBASTIAN (cont'd)
I'm sorry about that.

ANNETTE
I am too.

He paces for a moment and his mood turns to anger.

SEBASTIAN
You know what? I don't take it back.

ANNETTE
Why are you doing this?

SEBASTIAN
Because I'm in love with you.

ANNETTE
I thought you said we were going to be
friends.

SEBASTIAN
I can't handle it. I can't keep my
feelings bottled up like you. Can you
honestly tell me that you feel nothing
for me? ... Tell me!

ANNETTE
I have feelings for you.

SEBASTIAN
Then what's wrong? I love you Annette.
It's not like you have a husband,
unless your married to Jesus.

ANNETTE
That's not fair.

SEBASTIAN
Why can't we be together?

Annette's eyes well up with tears.

ANNETTE
You really want to know?

SEBASTIAN
Yes.

ANNETTE
It's because I don't trust myself with
you.
(beat)
I took a vow and because of you I'm
tempted to break it. Don't destroy that
for me. Please.

She hurries off.
Genres: ["Romance","Drama"]

Summary Sebastian and Annette have a playful interaction in the garden of an estate that turns romantic. However, when Sebastian confesses his love for Annette, she pushes him away due to her internal struggle with her feelings and a vow she took. Annette reveals her temptation to break her vow because of her feelings for Sebastian, leading to a mix of playfulness, romance, tension, and sadness in the scene.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Tension building
Weaknesses
  • Potential for cliched dialogue

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is emotionally charged, with strong performances and impactful dialogue. The tension between Sebastian and Annette is palpable, drawing the audience in and creating a memorable moment.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of love, temptation, and moral conflict is well-executed in the scene, providing depth to the characters and advancing the central themes of the story.

Plot: 7

The plot advances through the emotional turmoil experienced by Sebastian and Annette, revealing their inner struggles and adding complexity to their relationship.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a unique element of a sock puppet to add humor and playfulness to the interaction between the characters. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Sebastian and Annette are well-developed in this scene, showcasing their conflicting emotions and moral dilemmas. Their interactions feel authentic and engaging.

Character Changes: 8

Both Sebastian and Annette experience significant emotional changes in the scene, grappling with their feelings for each other and the moral dilemmas they face.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to express his love for Annette and convince her to be in a romantic relationship with him. This reflects his deeper desire for emotional connection and intimacy.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to pursue a romantic relationship with Annette despite her reservations. This reflects the immediate challenge he faces in trying to win her over.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between love and moral obligations creates a high level of tension in the scene, driving the emotional stakes and character development.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Annette's internal conflict and resistance to Sebastian's advances creating tension and uncertainty.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in the scene as Sebastian and Annette confront their feelings for each other and the moral consequences of their actions.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by deepening the relationship between Sebastian and Annette, setting up future conflicts and resolutions.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it shifts from playful banter to intense emotional confrontations, keeping the audience on their toes.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the clash between love and duty. Annette's internal struggle between her feelings for Sebastian and her commitment to a vow challenges her beliefs and values.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking strong feelings of love, temptation, and moral conflict. The audience is deeply engaged in the characters' emotional journey.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is impactful and reveals the inner thoughts and emotions of the characters. It drives the emotional intensity of the scene and enhances the character dynamics.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it combines humor, romance, and emotional conflict, keeping the audience invested in the characters' relationships and motivations.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension gradually and allowing emotional moments to resonate with the audience.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and easy to follow, with proper scene headings and character actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a romantic drama genre, with a buildup of tension and emotional confrontation between the characters.


Critique
  • The scene starts off with a playful and light-hearted interaction between Sebastian and Annette, which quickly escalates into a romantic moment. The transition from playful banter to a serious confession of love feels rushed and lacks a natural progression.
  • The use of a sock puppet to convey Sebastian's friend Monsieur Philipe is a bit jarring and out of place in the context of the scene. It detracts from the emotional weight of the moment and comes off as more comical than romantic.
  • The sudden shift in Sebastian's mood from playful to angry feels abrupt and could benefit from more nuanced development. The anger seems to come out of nowhere and doesn't feel fully justified within the scene.
  • The dialogue between Sebastian and Annette, especially towards the end of the scene, feels a bit forced and melodramatic. The emotional beats could be more subtly conveyed to create a more authentic and impactful moment.
  • The scene could benefit from more build-up and tension leading to Sebastian's confession of love. This would help to create a more believable and emotionally resonant moment between the characters.
Suggestions
  • Consider revising the progression of the scene to allow for a more gradual build-up of emotions between Sebastian and Annette. This will make Sebastian's confession of love feel more earned and impactful.
  • Reevaluate the use of the sock puppet as it may detract from the sincerity of the scene. Consider finding a more organic way for Sebastian to express his feelings without relying on comedic elements.
  • Work on smoothing out the transition between the playful interaction and the serious confession of love to make the emotional beats feel more natural and authentic.
  • Focus on refining the dialogue to make it more subtle and realistic, avoiding melodrama and ensuring that the emotions expressed by the characters feel genuine and relatable.
  • Add more depth to Sebastian and Annette's relationship leading up to this scene to establish a stronger emotional connection between them, making Sebastian's confession of love more believable and compelling.



Scene 28 -  Conflicted Desires
61 INT. ESTATE - SEBASTIAN'S ROOM - DAY 61

Sebastian enters the room and slams the door behind him.

SEBASTIAN
(frustrated)
Shit.

He hears the shower running from the bathroom.

62 INT. ESTATE - SEBASTIAN'S BATHROOM - DAY 62

Sebastian enters the room. Cecile sticks her head out
from the shower curtain.

CECILE
Want to join me?

SEBASTIAN
(indifferent)
Some other time, Cecile.

He leaves the room. Cecile looks confused. A moment
passes and Sebastian re-enters taking off his clothes.

SEBASTIAN (cont'd)
What am I, an idiot?

Cecile smiles.

63 INT. ESTATE - SEBASTIAN'S ROOM - NIGHT 63

Sebastian and Cecile lie in bed. Sebastian smokes a
cigarette and writes in his journal.

CECILE
Am I suppose to be this sore?

SEBASTIAN
For the first time, yes. It'll pass.

A moment of silence.

CECILE
I like it better when I'm on top.

SEBASTIAN
Cecile. This is what I like to call
quiet time. This is time when we
reflect on what we've done.

CECILE
I'm sorry.

She looks at the troubled expression on Sebastian's face.

CECILE (cont'd)
Something's bothering you?

SEBASTIAN
You think?

CECILE
Is it me?

SEBASTIAN
No, you were fine.

SEBASTIAN'S P.O.V. - He looks out on the balcony, where
Kathryn is eavesdropping. They make eye contact and she
waves.

CECILE
It's that girl, Annette.

He stands and walks over to the balcony, where he closes
the blinds.

CECILE (cont'd)
You love her, don't you? It's okay.
I don't love you either. I love Ronald.

SEBASTIAN
I'm getting out of here.

Sebastian heads to the bathroom.

CECILE
Where are you going?

SEBASTIAN (O.S.)
I'm taking a shower.

CECILE
Need any company?

SEBASTIAN (O.S.)
No.

CECILE
Want a blow job?

SEBASTIAN (O.S.)
Good night Cecile.

CECILE
(under her breath)
Prude.
Genres: ["Drama","Romance"]

Summary Sebastian enters his room frustrated, declines Cecile's invitation to join her in the shower, then undresses. In bed, Sebastian and Cecile discuss their encounter, with Sebastian showing concern over Annette. Kathryn eavesdrops on their conversation, adding tension to the conflicted emotions of desire and betrayal. The scene ends with Sebastian leaving Cecile in bed, unresolved conflicts lingering.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Intimate moments
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue may come across as inappropriate or uncomfortable for some audiences

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively conveys the inner conflicts and desires of the characters, creating a sense of emotional depth and complexity.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of unspoken desires and hidden emotions is well-executed, adding layers to the characters and their relationships.

Plot: 7

The plot advances through the exploration of the characters' emotions and relationships, adding depth to the overall narrative.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh take on themes of love and desire, presenting complex relationships and conflicting emotions in a compelling way. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and unpredictable, adding to the scene's originality.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed, each with their own desires, conflicts, and vulnerabilities, making them compelling and relatable.

Character Changes: 7

There is a subtle but significant change in Sebastian as he grapples with his feelings for Annette and Cecile's revelations, leading to a moment of introspection.

Internal Goal: 8

Sebastian's internal goal in this scene is to confront his feelings for Annette and come to terms with his own emotions. This reflects his deeper desire for genuine connection and his fear of vulnerability.

External Goal: 7

Sebastian's external goal is to maintain his facade of indifference and detachment, especially in front of Cecile. This reflects the immediate challenge of navigating complex relationships and societal expectations.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

There is a moderate level of conflict present in the scene, primarily stemming from the characters' internal struggles and conflicting emotions.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting desires and hidden motivations driving the character interactions. The audience is left uncertain of the characters' true intentions and the outcome of their relationships.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes are moderate, focusing on the characters' emotional well-being and the impact of their desires and actions on their relationships.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by deepening the relationships between the characters and revealing their inner conflicts and desires.

Unpredictability: 8

The scene is unpredictable in its character interactions and emotional revelations, keeping the audience on edge and unsure of the outcome. The shifting dynamics and conflicting desires add to the scene's unpredictability.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the themes of love, desire, and manipulation. Sebastian's struggle with his emotions and Cecile's casual attitude towards relationships challenge his beliefs about intimacy and authenticity.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking feelings of intimacy, desire, and regret in the characters and the audience.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue effectively conveys the characters' emotions, desires, and conflicts, adding depth to their interactions.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its mix of emotional intensity, sensual undertones, and character dynamics. The audience is drawn into the complex relationships and conflicting desires, creating a sense of intrigue and suspense.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and emotional depth, with well-timed reveals and character interactions. The rhythm of the dialogue and actions enhances the scene's impact and engagement.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to the expected format for a screenplay, with clear scene descriptions, character actions, and dialogue. The visual cues and transitions enhance the scene's flow and impact.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a traditional structure for a dramatic confrontation, with escalating tension and emotional revelations. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the scene's effectiveness in building suspense and character development.


Critique
  • The scene lacks depth and emotional resonance, especially considering the sensitive nature of the interactions between Sebastian and Cecile.
  • The dialogue feels forced and unrealistic, lacking authenticity and depth in portraying the characters' emotions and conflicts.
  • The transition between Sebastian's frustration and Cecile's casual invitation to join her in the shower is abrupt and doesn't flow naturally.
  • The dynamic between Sebastian and Cecile in bed feels superficial and lacks genuine intimacy or emotional connection.
  • The revelation of Sebastian's feelings for Annette and Cecile's confession about her love for Ronald feels rushed and underdeveloped.
  • The interaction between Sebastian and Cecile lacks subtlety and nuance, making it difficult for the audience to empathize or connect with the characters.
  • The scene fails to explore the complexities of the relationships and emotions involved, resulting in a shallow and unconvincing portrayal of the characters' inner struggles.
Suggestions
  • Focus on developing the emotional depth and complexity of the characters' interactions to create a more engaging and authentic scene.
  • Revise the dialogue to make it more natural, nuanced, and reflective of the characters' internal conflicts and emotions.
  • Consider building up the tension and intimacy between Sebastian and Cecile gradually, allowing the audience to invest in their relationship.
  • Explore the conflicting emotions and desires of Sebastian and Cecile in a more nuanced and subtle manner to add depth to their characters.
  • Provide more context and backstory to enhance the audience's understanding of Sebastian's feelings for Annette and Cecile's love for Ronald.
  • Work on creating a more organic and believable progression of events to ensure that the scene resonates emotionally with the audience.



Scene 29 -  Rejected Desires
64 INT. ESTATE - ANNETTE'S GUEST ROOM - NIGHT 64

Annette is reading in bed. There's a knock on the door.

ANNETTE
Come in.

Sebastian enters the room.

SEBASTIAN
I just came to say goodbye.

ANNETTE
Where are you going?

SEBASTIAN
Back to the city. I may take off to
Europe for the rest of the summer. I
just can't handle it around here.

ANNETTE
I think that's for the best.

SEBASTIAN
Good for you.

ANNETTE
Sebastian, please. I don't want us to
end on bad terms.

SEBASTIAN
Well, I'm afraid you don't have a
choice in the matter. You make me
sick. You're a hypocrite and I don't
associate with hypocrites.

Annette's eyes well up with tears.

ANNETTE
How am I a hypocrite?

SEBASTIAN
Oh please Annette. You spend all your
time preaching about waiting for love.
Well here it is. Right in front of you,
but you're going to turn your back on
it. I'm sorry that we're not at the age
where we can get married. If we were,
I'd propose, but that's not going to
happen. So I guess we're just fucked.
I'll move on, but you... you're going
to have to live with yourself knowing
you've turned your back on love. And
that makes you a hypocrite.

Sebastian heads to the door.
SEBASTIAN (cont'd)
Have a nice life.

Annette races toward him and throws her arms around him.

ANNETTE
(sobbing)
Please don't go.

SEBASTIAN
Get off me.

She kisses him passionately.

ANNETTE
I... I want you.

Sebastian embraces her and draws her over to the bed.

She lies down and starts to unbutton her dress. Sebastian
stands over her watches her. Her crying does not let up
as she continues to undress.

Sebastian stands, stunned and watches her.

SEBASTIAN
I'm sorry, I can't.

A pained look crosses her face. Sebastian leaves the
room and closes the door.
Genres: ["Drama","Romance"]

Summary Sebastian visits Annette in her guest room to say goodbye. Annette tries to convince Sebastian to stay, but he criticizes her for being a hypocrite about love. Annette then tries to seduce Sebastian, but he ultimately rejects her and leaves.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Raw dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Lack of resolution
  • Limited external action

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is emotionally charged, well-written, and impactful, showcasing the inner struggles of the characters.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of unrequited love and the clash between ideals and desires is effectively portrayed, adding depth to the characters.

Plot: 7

The plot advances through the emotional confrontation between Sebastian and Annette, revealing their true feelings and inner conflicts.

Originality: 8

The scene presents a fresh take on a familiar romantic conflict, delving into complex emotions and moral dilemmas. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are complex and multidimensional, with their emotions and motivations driving the scene forward.

Character Changes: 8

Both Sebastian and Annette experience significant emotional shifts, revealing their true feelings and vulnerabilities.

Internal Goal: 8

Annette's internal goal in this scene is to reconcile with Sebastian and not end their relationship on bad terms. She desires love and connection, but also struggles with feelings of guilt and hypocrisy.

External Goal: 7

Annette's external goal is to convince Sebastian to stay and not leave her. She wants to express her love and desire for him.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between Sebastian's declaration of love and Annette's internal struggle creates a tense and emotional atmosphere.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Sebastian's accusations challenging Annette's beliefs and values. The audience is left uncertain about the outcome of their confrontation.

High Stakes: 7

The rejection and emotional turmoil faced by the characters raise the stakes in their relationships and personal growth.

Story Forward: 7

The scene deepens the emotional dynamics between the characters and sets the stage for further developments in the plot.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected emotional outbursts and shifts in the characters' motivations. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how the interaction will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between Annette's beliefs about waiting for love and Sebastian's accusation of her being a hypocrite for not accepting his love. This challenges Annette's values and forces her to confront her own feelings and actions.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions from the audience, particularly in the rejection and vulnerability displayed by the characters.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is poignant and raw, capturing the emotional intensity of the moment.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the intense emotional conflict between the characters, drawing the audience into their personal struggles and desires.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, allowing for moments of emotional intensity and reflection. The rhythm of the dialogue enhances the scene's impact.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to standard screenplay conventions, with clear scene headings and character actions. The dialogue is properly formatted, enhancing readability and clarity.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a traditional structure for a dramatic confrontation, with a clear buildup of tension and emotional release. The dialogue and actions flow naturally, contributing to the scene's effectiveness.


Critique
  • The scene lacks subtlety in the dialogue, with Sebastian explicitly calling Annette a hypocrite and spelling out his feelings for her.
  • The emotional transition from Sebastian's harsh words to Annette's sudden passionate kiss feels rushed and not fully developed.
  • Annette's quick change from sobbing to expressing desire for Sebastian feels abrupt and could benefit from more nuanced emotional buildup.
  • The scene could benefit from more internal conflict and introspection from both characters to make their actions and decisions more believable.
  • Sebastian's decision to reject Annette's advances could be portrayed with more depth and internal struggle to make it more impactful.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more subtle and nuanced dialogue to convey Sebastian and Annette's emotions and conflicts.
  • Focus on building up the emotional tension and chemistry between Sebastian and Annette before the passionate kiss and subsequent rejection.
  • Explore the characters' internal struggles and conflicting desires more deeply to make their actions and decisions more authentic and relatable.
  • Consider adding moments of hesitation, vulnerability, and introspection to both Sebastian and Annette to enhance the emotional depth of the scene.
  • Work on creating a more gradual and believable progression from conflict to intimacy to rejection in the interaction between Sebastian and Annette.



Scene 30 -  A Night of Turmoil
65 INT. ESTATE - SEBASTIAN'S ROOM - NIGHT 65

Sebastian closes the door and leans against it.

SEBASTIAN
Shit.

He wipes his eyes, which are starting to water. He goes
over to a mirror at looks at himself.

SEBASTIAN (cont'd)
Get it together you pussy.

A stern look comes over his face. He smiles, then walks
away.

66 EXT. ESTATE - FRONT OF HOUSE - DAY 66

A cab pulls up to the house. The front door opens and a
crying Annette quickly leaves the house and climbs into
the cab. She closes the door and the cab pulls away from
the house. WE PAN up to a second story window where
Kathryn is looking down and smiling.

67 INT. ESTATE - SEBASTIAN'S ROOM - DAY 67
Sebastian lies sleeping in his bed. His journal lies
beside him. A FEATHER tickles his nose. He stirs awake
and looks up to see Kathryn staring down at him.

KATHRYN
Morning!

SEBASTIAN
(sarcastic)
Morning.

KATHRYN
So? How'd it go last night?

SEBASTIAN
With who?

KATHRYN
Well I know how it went with Cecile.
She won't shut up about it. How'd it
go with Mrs. Jesus?

Sebastian sits up in bed.

SEBASTIAN
If your asking if I nailed her the
answer is no.

KATHRYN
She shot you down.

SEBASTIAN
Exactly the opposite.

KATHRYN
So what went wrong?

SEBASTIAN
I don't know. She was lying on the bed,
ready to do it, but I-- I don't, I
was... I just didn't feel right about
it.

KATHRYN
You're telling me you had the chance to
fuck her and you didn't. God are you a
chump.

SEBASTIAN
A momentary lapse of judgment, soon to
be rectified.

He climbs out of bed and puts on his robe. He starts out
the door, when -

KATHRYN
If you're heading towards her room, you
won't find her.

SEBASTIAN
Where is she?

KATHRYN
You don't know?
(big smile)
She left thirty minutes ago.

SEBASTIAN
Where'd she go?

KATHRYN
She wouldn't say. She apologized to
your aunt and told her she was going
to stay with some friends.
(beat)
You blew it, Sebastian. That girl has
come to her senses and she will never
go near you again.

Sebastian throws off the robe and starts to dress.

SEBASTIAN
We'll see about that.
Genres: ["Drama","Romance"]

Summary Sebastian grapples with his emotions and Kathryn's manipulation, while Annette leaves the estate in despair.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth in Sebastian's character
  • Effective dialogue between Sebastian and Kathryn
Weaknesses
  • Lack of external action or plot progression

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively delves into Sebastian's inner turmoil and sets up potential character growth.


Story Content

Concept: 7

The concept of showcasing Sebastian's vulnerability and self-reflection adds depth to his character and sets up potential development.

Plot: 7

The plot progresses as Sebastian grapples with his feelings and actions, leading to potential consequences.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh take on the familiar theme of power dynamics and manipulation in elite social circles. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and nuanced, adding depth to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters, especially Sebastian, are well-developed and their emotions and conflicts are portrayed effectively.

Character Changes: 7

Sebastian experiences a moment of self-reflection and potential growth, showcasing a change in his usual demeanor.

Internal Goal: 8

Sebastian's internal goal in this scene is to come to terms with his own moral compass and values. He struggles with the decision he made the night before and is grappling with his own sense of right and wrong.

External Goal: 7

Sebastian's external goal is to try to salvage his relationship with the girl he was with the night before. He wants to prove to himself and others that he can still maintain control and influence over her.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

The conflict is more internal in this scene, focusing on Sebastian's emotional struggle.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting motivations and goals driving the characters' actions and decisions.

High Stakes: 5

The stakes are more emotional and internal in this scene, focusing on Sebastian's personal growth and relationships.

Story Forward: 6

The scene sets up potential consequences for Sebastian's actions and emotional state, moving the story forward in terms of character development.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists and turns in the characters' motivations and actions, keeping the audience on edge.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the characters' differing views on morality and power dynamics. Sebastian's hesitation to act on his desires challenges Kathryn's more manipulative and ruthless approach to relationships.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes strong emotions through Sebastian's vulnerability and internal conflict.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue between Sebastian and Kathryn reveals their dynamic and adds depth to their relationship.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the intense emotional stakes, sharp dialogue, and complex character dynamics that keep the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the characters' dilemmas.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, effectively building tension and conflict through the characters' interactions and dialogue.


Critique
  • The emotional transition from Sebastian being upset and trying to compose himself in his room to Annette leaving the estate in a cab feels abrupt and lacks a smooth transition.
  • The interaction between Sebastian and Kathryn in Sebastian's room lacks depth and emotional resonance, making it difficult for the audience to fully engage with their conversation.
  • The dialogue between Sebastian and Kathryn comes off as somewhat forced and lacks subtlety in conveying their emotions and motivations.
  • The scene could benefit from more visual cues and descriptions to enhance the atmosphere and setting, providing a more immersive experience for the audience.
  • The conflict between Sebastian and Annette is not fully explored or resolved in this scene, leaving the audience wanting more closure and development in their relationship.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a transitional scene or moment to better connect Sebastian's emotional state in his room to Annette leaving the estate, providing a smoother narrative flow.
  • Enhance the dialogue between Sebastian and Kathryn to delve deeper into their emotions and motivations, adding layers to their characters and relationship dynamics.
  • Introduce more visual elements and descriptions to create a vivid and engaging visual experience for the audience, enhancing the overall impact of the scene.
  • Further explore the conflict between Sebastian and Annette, allowing for a more nuanced and satisfying resolution to their relationship arc within the scene.
  • Consider adding subtext and subtlety to the interactions between characters, allowing for a more nuanced and engaging portrayal of their emotions and intentions.



Scene 31 -  Secrets Revealed
68 INT. GREG'S DORM ROOM - DAY 68

A shrine to hot babes, who's posters adorn the walls. Greg
is busy dumping muscle magazines, several issues of Teen
Beat and some Musical Theater CDs into a trash bag when the
phone rings. He answers it.

GREG
Hello.

INTERCUT WITH:

69 EXT. HIGHWAY/INT. PORSCHE - DAY 69

Sebastian is talking on his cell phone.

SEBASTIAN
Is she with you?

GREG
Who is this?

SEBASTIAN
Sebastian, you faggot. Is she with you?

GREG
No.

SEBASTIAN
Where is she?!
GREG
I don't know. Why don't you leave her
alone.

SEBASTIAN
McConnell, I'm gonna out your ass in
two seconds if you don't tell me where
she is.

GREG
I told you I don't know.

SEBASTIAN
One.

GREG
Alright. She's staying with some
friends of her parents. The O'Sheas.
She caught the train twenty minutes ago
into Grand Central.

SEBASTIAN
Grand Central. You better not be
fucking with me cause it's your ass on
the line.

Sebastian clicks off his cell phone.

SEBASTIAN (cont'd)
Motherfucker.

He bangs on his dashboard.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary Greg is tidying his room when Sebastian calls demanding to know where his girlfriend is. After initially denying knowledge, Greg eventually reveals she is staying with friends in Grand Central under Sebastian's threats. Sebastian hangs up, frustrated and angry.
Strengths
  • Intense dialogue
  • High stakes
  • Suspenseful tone
Weaknesses
  • Possible lack of context for new viewers
  • Limited character development in this specific scene

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is highly engaging and intense, with strong dialogue and a sense of urgency that keeps the audience on edge.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene, focusing on Sebastian's desperate search for someone and the threat he poses to Greg, is well-executed and adds depth to the overall story.

Plot: 7

The plot is advanced through the revelation of information about the whereabouts of a character, adding to the suspense and conflict in the story.

Originality: 7

The scene introduces a familiar conflict between two characters but adds a unique twist with the aggressive and confrontational dialogue. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters of Sebastian and Greg are well-defined in this scene, with Sebastian's desperation and anger contrasting with Greg's uncertainty and fear.

Character Changes: 7

Sebastian's desperation and anger are heightened in this scene, showcasing a shift in his character as he becomes more aggressive in his pursuit of information.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to protect the girl from Sebastian's aggression and manipulation. This reflects Greg's deeper desire to do the right thing and stand up for what he believes is right.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to provide Sebastian with information about the girl's whereabouts to prevent any harm coming to her. This reflects the immediate challenge of dealing with Sebastian's threats and aggression.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between Sebastian and Greg is intense and drives the scene forward, creating a sense of urgency and suspense.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Sebastian's aggressive and threatening behavior creating a sense of danger and urgency. The audience is unsure of how the conflict will be resolved, adding to the tension.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in this scene, as Sebastian's desperate search for someone and his threatening behavior towards Greg raise the tension and suspense.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by revealing crucial information about the whereabouts of a character and escalating the conflict between Sebastian and Greg.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in the dialogue and character interactions. The audience is kept guessing about the characters' motivations and actions.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the clash between Greg's moral values and Sebastian's aggressive and manipulative behavior. This challenges Greg's beliefs in doing the right thing and standing up against injustice.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes strong emotions from the audience, particularly fear, tension, and anticipation, as the characters navigate a high-stakes situation.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is sharp, confrontational, and adds to the tension of the scene, effectively conveying the emotions and motivations of the characters.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the intense conflict and suspense between the characters. The sharp dialogue and fast-paced action keep the audience on the edge of their seats.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and suspense through quick dialogue exchanges and intercutting between locations. The rhythm of the scene keeps the audience engaged and invested in the conflict.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear dialogue formatting and scene transitions. The use of intercutting adds to the visual and narrative flow of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions. The intercut between Greg's dorm room and Sebastian's car adds to the tension and pacing of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene lacks depth and emotional complexity compared to the previous scenes in the script.
  • The dialogue feels forced and lacks subtlety, relying heavily on derogatory language and threats.
  • The character interactions between Sebastian and Greg feel one-dimensional and lack nuance.
  • The scene does not effectively build on the existing conflicts and character dynamics established in the previous scenes.
  • There is a missed opportunity to delve deeper into Sebastian's emotional turmoil and inner conflict.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more layers to the dialogue to reflect the complex relationships and emotions of the characters.
  • Explore different ways to convey tension and conflict without relying on derogatory language and threats.
  • Introduce more subtext and subtle cues in the character interactions to enhance the depth of the scene.
  • Connect the scene more closely to the overarching themes and conflicts of the script to create a cohesive narrative.
  • Focus on developing Sebastian's internal struggle and emotional journey to add depth and complexity to the scene.



Scene 32 -  Reunion and Intrigue
70 EXT. HIGHWAY - DAY 70

The Porsche weaves in and out of traffic on it's way to
the city.

71 INT. TRAIN CONCOURSE - DAY 71

A group of passengers exit the train. Annette is among
them. She stops when she SEES -

Sebastian, standing in the distance.

Annette stops in her tracks. She drops her bag, rushes
over to him and embraces him. Sebastian's cruel demeanor
drops, when he realizes how happy she is to see him. He
looks her in the eyes and smiles. They kiss.

72 INT. VALMONT TOWNHOUSE - SEBASTIAN'S BEDROOM - DAY 72

Sebastian carries a laughing Annette into the room. They
continue to kiss and he carries her over to the table.

He sets her down and accidentally knocks over a lamp.
SEBASTIAN
Ooops.

They both laugh. They kiss some more, then start to
unbutton each other's clothes. Sebastian struggles with
her pants' button.

SEBASTIAN (cont'd)
Fuck this.

He picks her up again and moves to the bed. They
collapse on the bed and he accidently falls off it.

SEBASTIAN (cont'd)
Suave.

Annette cracks up. Sebastian reaches up and YANKS her
down on top of him. They both laugh, then kiss.

73 EXT. VALMONT TOWNHOUSE - NIGHT 73

Establishing shot

74 INT. VALMONT TOWNHOUSE - SEBASTIAN'S BEDROOM - NIGHT 74

Annette sits on the windowsill watching Sebastian as he
sleeps. He slowly starts to wake and looks at her.

ANNETTE
Hi.

SEBASTIAN
Hi.

She walks over to him and kisses him.

SEBASTIAN (cont'd)
You alright?

ANNETTE
I'm fine. I have to get going to my
friends' house.
(beat)
Was it --

SEBASTIAN
It was perfect.

She smiles and holds her hand out. He takes her hand in
his.

75 INT. VALMONT TOWNHOUSE - HALLWAY - NIGHT 75

Annette closes the door to the bedroom and walks down the
hall passing a mirror on the wall. In the mirror's
REFLECTION is Kathryn, looking very angry.
76 EXT. VALMONT TOWNHOUSE - DAY 76

Establishing shot.

77 INT. VALMONT TOWNHOUSE - HALLWAY - DAY 77

Sook-Hee carries a bundle of folded laundry down the
hall. Sebastian enters the hallway from his bedroom. He
grabs her.

SEBASTIAN
You work way to hard. Here.
(hands her a wad of money)
Take the day off. Merry Christmas.

Sook-Hee smiles and moves on. Sebastian continues down
the hall. He passes Kathryn's door and hear noises.

KATHRYN (O.S.)
Slower.

Sebastian leans against the door.

KATHRYN (O.S.)
A little to the left. Look, pretend
like you're writing the alphabet.
A... B... mmm, stay on B.

Sebastian knocks on the door.

KATHRYN (O.S.)
One second.

Sebastian hears some fumbling then a door close from
inside the bedroom.

KATHRYN (O.S.)
Come in.
Genres: ["Drama","Romance"]

Summary Annette and Sebastian reunite passionately in his room. Sebastian gives Sook-Hee money. Suspicions arise as Sebastian overhears compromising information about Kathryn, leading him to confront her at her door.
Strengths
  • Strong emotional connection between Sebastian and Annette
  • Natural dialogue enhancing the romantic atmosphere
  • Effective portrayal of love and intimacy
Weaknesses
  • Minimal conflict and stakes
  • Limited focus on external plot developments

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively conveys the romantic and intimate relationship between Sebastian and Annette, creating a sense of connection and joy.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of showcasing a romantic and intimate moment between Sebastian and Annette is well-executed, adding depth to their relationship.

Plot: 7

The plot focuses on the development of the romantic relationship between Sebastian and Annette, adding emotional depth to the story.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh take on the theme of authenticity in relationships, blending humor and vulnerability in a unique way. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and relatable.


Character Development

Characters: 9

Sebastian and Annette are well-developed characters with a strong emotional connection, making their interactions engaging and believable.

Character Changes: 7

Both Sebastian and Annette experience emotional growth and deepening of their relationship during the scene.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to connect with Annette on a deeper emotional level and show vulnerability. This reflects his desire for genuine intimacy and connection.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to maintain his facade of wealth and power while also showing care and affection towards Annette. This reflects the immediate challenge of balancing his public image with his private relationships.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 3

There is minimal conflict in the scene, focusing more on the positive and affectionate moments between the characters.

Opposition: 6

The opposition in this scene is subtle, with hints of conflict between the characters' public personas and private emotions. The audience is left wondering about the true nature of their relationship.

High Stakes: 4

The stakes are relatively low in this scene, focusing more on the personal relationship between Sebastian and Annette.

Story Forward: 6

The scene contributes to the development of the romantic subplot and deepens the emotional connection between Sebastian and Annette.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable in the sense that the characters' emotions and actions are not always predictable, adding depth and complexity to their relationship.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the contrast between superficial appearances and genuine emotions. Sebastian's initial cruel demeanor contrasts with his genuine happiness when he sees Annette, highlighting the theme of authenticity versus facade.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions of love, joy, and intimacy, creating a heartfelt connection with the audience.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue between Sebastian and Annette is natural and enhances the romantic and intimate atmosphere of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the natural and relatable interactions between the characters, the humor and vulnerability in their dialogue, and the emotional depth of their connection.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and emotional depth, with a natural flow of dialogue and character interactions.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions. The dialogue is formatted correctly and enhances the emotional depth of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a traditional structure for a romantic encounter, with a buildup of intimacy and emotional connection. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the effectiveness of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene transitions abruptly from a romantic and intimate moment between Sebastian and Annette to a comedic and light-hearted interaction with Sook-Hee, which disrupts the emotional flow of the scene.
  • The physical comedy elements, such as Sebastian accidentally knocking over a lamp and falling off the bed, feel forced and detract from the genuine connection between Sebastian and Annette.
  • The introduction of Kathryn's voyeuristic behavior at the end of the scene adds a jarring and unnecessary element of tension that does not align with the tone established earlier.
  • The dialogue lacks depth and emotional resonance, focusing more on superficial interactions and physical humor rather than exploring the characters' internal conflicts and motivations.
  • The scene lacks a clear narrative purpose or progression, as it shifts abruptly between different tones and character dynamics without a cohesive throughline.
Suggestions
  • Consider maintaining a consistent tone throughout the scene to ensure a cohesive emotional arc for the characters.
  • Focus on developing the emotional depth of the characters' interactions, emphasizing their internal conflicts and motivations to create a more engaging and meaningful scene.
  • Streamline the physical comedy elements to ensure they enhance rather than detract from the emotional connection between Sebastian and Annette.
  • Integrate Kathryn's presence in a more organic and narratively relevant way to build tension and conflict effectively within the scene.
  • Clarify the narrative purpose of the scene and ensure that each interaction serves to advance the characters' arcs and relationships in a meaningful way.



Scene 33 -  Confrontation in Kathryn's Bedroom
78 INT. VALMONT TOWNHOUSE - KATHRYN'S BEDROOM - DAY 78

Sebastian enters the room, to find Kathryn lying in bed,
wearing only her bathrobe.

SEBASTIAN
Bad time?

KATHRYN
Kind of.

SEBASTIAN
Well, you obviously wanted me to
witness your little adventure or else
you wouldn't have invited me in.

Sebastian walks toward the closet.
SEBASTIAN (cont'd)
Who is our little friend so
inexperienced that you have to resort
to the alphabet game?

He throws open the closet door. Ronald stands there
covering his genitals with his hands.

SEBASTIAN (cont'd)
Well, well, well.

RONALD
It's not what it seems like.

Ronald picks up his clothes. As he leaves:

SEBASTIAN
Say hi to Cecile.

Ronald's head drops as he closes the door behind him.

KATHRYN
(calling out)
Call me.

Sebastian throws Kathryn a look.

KATHRYN (cont'd)
You can't have all the fun.

Sebastian sits on the bed.

KATHRYN (cont'd)
You seem to be in a good mood.

SEBASTIAN
I am.

A big grin appears on Sebastian's face

KATHRYN
You didn't?

SEBASTIAN
Oh yes.

KATHRYN
Tell me all the details.

SEBASTIAN
It was... Fantastic.

KATHRYN
Oh come on. For her first time?

SEBASTIAN
I know. That's the amazing part of
it. I mean, it wasn't like Cirque du
Soleil acrobatics, just standard
missionary stuff, but it was... ah
forget it. I'm going to sound like a
Hallmark card.

KATHRYN
No, tell me.

SEBASTIAN
It was... it was like the emotional
part outweighed the physical part.

KATHRYN
Wow. So you made love. Ooo, I hear
the birds chirping.

SEBASTIAN
Mock, mock, mock.

She places her hand on his crotch.

KATHRYN
So I assume you've come here to make
some arrangements.

Sebastian stands.

SEBASTIAN
Some other time.

KATHRYN
Excuse me?

SEBASTIAN
I'm not in the mood.

KATHRYN
And that's why you're leaving?

SEBASTIAN
It clearly is why.

KATHRYN
I want to fuck.

SEBASTIAN
And I don't.

He leaves and slams the door behind him.
Genres: ["Drama","Romance"]

Summary Sebastian walks in on Kathryn in bed with Ronald, leading to a tense conversation about their sexual encounters. Kathryn expresses her desire for sex, but Sebastian rejects her advances and leaves abruptly, leaving the conflict unresolved.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Complex character relationships
  • Tension and conflict
Weaknesses
  • Potentially controversial content
  • Lack of resolution in some character arcs

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively conveys the emotional turmoil and tension between the characters, drawing the audience into their complex relationships and inner conflicts.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring love, desire, and manipulation within the relationships of the characters is well-executed, adding depth and complexity to the scene.

Plot: 7

The plot advances through the interactions and revelations between Sebastian, Kathryn, and Ronald, adding layers to the characters and setting up future conflicts.

Originality: 8

The scene offers a fresh take on themes of manipulation, power, and relationships, with authentic character interactions and dialogue.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed and their emotions and motivations are clearly portrayed, especially in the interactions between Sebastian and Kathryn.

Character Changes: 8

The characters, particularly Sebastian and Kathryn, undergo emotional and psychological changes as their desires, manipulations, and conflicts are revealed and explored.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to maintain control and power in his interactions with Kathryn. This reflects his need for validation and superiority.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to navigate the complex social dynamics and relationships within the wealthy elite circle he is a part of.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between Sebastian and Kathryn, as well as the underlying tensions and desires within the relationships, creates a high level of emotional and dramatic conflict.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting desires and power dynamics driving the conflict between the characters.

High Stakes: 8

The high stakes of love, desire, and manipulation within the relationships of the characters create a sense of urgency and intensity in the scene.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by deepening the relationships and conflicts between the characters, setting up future developments and tensions.

Unpredictability: 7

The scene is somewhat predictable in terms of character interactions and outcomes, but the tension and power dynamics keep the audience engaged.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict revolves around the characters' differing views on love, sex, and power. Kathryn sees sex as a tool for manipulation, while Sebastian seeks emotional connection.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions from the audience through the intimate and tense interactions between the characters, drawing them into the complex relationships and conflicts.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue effectively conveys the tension, desire, and manipulation present in the scene, adding depth to the characters and their relationships.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its sharp dialogue, complex character dynamics, and underlying tension.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and maintains the audience's interest through sharp dialogue and character interactions.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows standard formatting conventions for a screenplay, making it easy to read and understand.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a traditional structure for a dialogue-heavy dramatic scene, effectively building tension and conflict.


Critique
  • The scene lacks subtlety and nuance in its portrayal of sexuality and relationships.
  • The dialogue feels forced and unrealistic, especially in the interactions between Sebastian and Kathryn.
  • The scene relies heavily on shock value and explicit content rather than meaningful character development.
  • The dynamics between Sebastian and Kathryn are one-dimensional and lack depth.
  • The scene perpetuates harmful stereotypes about sex and relationships.
Suggestions
  • Focus on developing more authentic and complex relationships between the characters.
  • Consider toning down the explicit content and focusing more on emotional depth and character growth.
  • Work on creating more nuanced and realistic dialogue that reflects the complexity of human interactions.
  • Explore the motivations and vulnerabilities of the characters to add depth to their relationships and actions.
  • Avoid relying on shock value and instead focus on creating meaningful and impactful scenes.



Scene 34 -  Jealous Manipulation
79 INT. VALMONT TOWNHOUSE - SEBASTIAN'S BEDROOM - DAY 79

Sebastian talks on the phone.

SEBASTIAN
I'll pick you up in an hour. I love
you too.

He hangs up the phone. Kathryn stands in the doorway.

KATHRYN
Oh my God. You're completely p-whipped.

SEBASTIAN
No, I'm not.

KATHRYN
P-whipped, p-whipped.

SEBASTIAN
What's wrong with you? Why are you
acting this way?

Kathryn starts to cry.

KATHRYN
I'm sorry. It's just upsetting. You're
in love with her. You don't love me
anymore.

SEBASTIAN
Oh come on, Kathryn, it was just a
contest.

KATHRYN
At first it was, but now it's become
something bigger.

SEBASTIAN
Kathryn, you know I love you. I've
always loved you.

KATHRYN
Not anymore you don't. It's obvious.

SEBASTIAN
I can't believe you're reacting this
way. You're just saying this because
you lost the bet.

KATHRYN
Is that what you think?

He nods. Kathryn sits down on his bed. She slips her
underwear off from under her bathrobe and tosses it
aside, spreading her legs.

KATHRYN (cont'd)
Alright, come on, let's get it over
with. But mark my words, this is the
only time it'll happen.
She picks up the phone.

KATHRYN (cont'd)
Whenever you're ready. Just stick it in
me. While you're doing that I'm gonna
make some phone calls.

SEBASTIAN
That's not fair. You're taking all the
fun out of it.

KATHRYN
Then do me a favor and get rid of her.
If not for me, then do it for you.
Look at yourself. You're a joke. She's
turned you into jelly. What do you want
to be, one of those losers who walk
down the halls holding hands and
smiling. People used to respect you.
They feared you and now you're going to
throw that all away.

Sebastian stares at her, lost in thought.

KATHRYN (cont'd)
Poor Sebastian. He used to be cool, but
now he's just another love-struck
faggot. One of the many.
Genres: ["Drama","Romance"]

Summary Sebastian talks on the phone with someone he loves when Kathryn enters and accuses him of being in love with someone else. Kathryn becomes emotional and challenges Sebastian to have sex with her, but he refuses. Kathryn tries to manipulate Sebastian into breaking up with the other person, leading to a tense and emotional interaction in Sebastian's bedroom.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Complex character dynamics
  • Intense conflict
Weaknesses
  • Potentially controversial content
  • Manipulative behavior portrayed

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is intense and emotionally charged, with strong performances and impactful dialogue. The manipulation and betrayal add depth to the characters and storyline.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of love, betrayal, and manipulation is effectively portrayed through the interactions between the characters. The scene delves into complex emotions and power dynamics.

Plot: 7

The plot advances as the characters' relationships evolve and conflicts arise. The tension builds as the characters navigate their emotions and desires.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh and provocative take on themes of power, control, and manipulation in relationships. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and raw, adding depth to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed and their motivations are clear. The dynamics between them drive the scene forward and create compelling conflicts.

Character Changes: 8

Several characters experience significant changes in their relationships and emotions throughout the scene. The dynamics shift as love, betrayal, and manipulation come to the forefront.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to maintain control and power in his relationship with Kathryn, while also grappling with his own feelings of love and loyalty.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to navigate the complex dynamics of his relationships and social status, particularly in the face of Kathryn's manipulation and emotional turmoil.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between the characters is intense and drives the emotional tension in the scene. Betrayal, manipulation, and conflicting desires create a high level of conflict.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting desires, emotional manipulation, and moral dilemmas creating obstacles for the protagonist. The audience is left uncertain about the outcome.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high as the characters grapple with love, betrayal, and manipulation. Their relationships and reputations are on the line, adding tension and urgency to the scene.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by deepening the conflicts and relationships between the characters. New revelations and emotional developments propel the narrative.

Unpredictability: 9

This scene is unpredictable because of the characters' shifting motivations, unexpected actions, and moral ambiguity. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how the conflict will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the themes of power, control, and authenticity in relationships. It challenges the protagonist's beliefs about love, loyalty, and self-identity.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions from the audience, as the characters navigate love, betrayal, and manipulation. The intense interactions and revelations heighten the emotional impact.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is sharp, emotional, and reveals the characters' true feelings and intentions. It adds depth to the relationships and conflicts within the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense emotional conflict, sharp dialogue, and unpredictable character dynamics. The audience is drawn into the characters' complex relationships and moral dilemmas.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and emotional stakes, with a gradual escalation towards the climax. The rhythm of the dialogue and actions adds to the scene's intensity.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting. The pacing and rhythm of the scene are well-executed.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a traditional structure for a dramatic confrontation, with escalating tension and emotional stakes. The dialogue and actions flow naturally, building towards a climactic moment.


Critique
  • The scene is emotionally charged and intense, showcasing the complex dynamics between Sebastian and Kathryn.
  • The dialogue is confrontational and reveals the power struggle between the characters.
  • Kathryn's manipulation and emotional vulnerability are well portrayed, adding depth to her character.
  • The scene delves into themes of love, betrayal, and control, creating a tense atmosphere.
  • The sudden shift in Kathryn's behavior from mocking Sebastian to offering herself sexually adds a layer of unpredictability.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more subtlety to Kathryn's emotional outburst to make it more nuanced and realistic.
  • Explore Sebastian's internal conflict and emotional turmoil in more depth to enhance the complexity of his character.
  • Focus on building the tension between Sebastian and Kathryn through non-verbal cues and body language.
  • Consider adding layers to Kathryn's motivations for her actions to make her character more multi-dimensional.
  • Work on the pacing of the scene to ensure that the emotional intensity is maintained throughout.



Scene 35 -  Heartbreak in Manhattan
80 EXT. MANHATTAN STREET - DAY 80

A taxi drives down the street.

81 INT. TAXI - DAY 81

Kathryn and Sebastian sit in the back seat. Her arm is
around his. Sebastian looks nervous.

KATHRYN
Why so nervous?

SEBASTIAN
I've never done this before.

KATHRYN
How have you dumped girls in the past?

SEBASTIAN
Screening calls. Any suggestions?

KATHRYN
I knew this guy last summer in the
Hamptons. He and his girlfriend at the
time were madly in love with each
other. But she had this huge weight
problem. His friends taunted him
mercilessly about it. You know, "How
do you breathe when she sits on your
face?" "It's embarrassing for you to
be seen with her." Finally he couldn't
take it anymore and decided to dump
her. She flipped and he went on the
defensive. I distinctly remember him
saying the same thing over and over
again. "I'm completely fucked up."
"I'm completely fucked up." "I'm
completely fucked up."
(beat)
Poor fatty never had a chance.

82 EXT. O'SHEA APARTMENT BUILDING - DAY 82

The cab pulls up to the curb. Sebastian gets out and
heads into the building. Kathryn leans out the window.

KATHRYN
Don't be weak.

The cab drives off.

83 INT. O'SHEA APARTMENT BUILDING - HALLWAY - DAY 83

Sebastian rings the doorbell. A woman (MRS. O'SHEA)
answers the door.

SEBASTIAN
Hi. Is Annette at home?

MRS. O'SHEA
You must be Sebastian. I've heard such
nice things about you.

He smiles.

MRS. O'SHEA (cont'd)
(calling out)
Annette.
(to Sebastian)
Come on in.

84 INT. O'SHEA APARTMENT - FOYER - DAY 84

Sebastian closes the door behind him. Annette enters the
room.

ANNETTE
Hi.

SEBASTIAN
Hi.

MRS. O'SHEA
Well, I'm going to head back to the
kitchen. You two have fun.
Mrs. O'Shea mouths "He's cute" to Annette. Annette
smiles and nods. Mrs. O'Shea leaves the room.

ANNETTE
Would you like a tour?

SEBASTIAN
Sure.

She takes his hand and leads him down the hall.

85 INT. O'SHEA APARTMENT - ANNETTE'S GUEST ROOM - DAY 85

They enter a guest room.

ANNETTE
And this is my room.

She closes the door behind them. She smiles and kisses
him.

ANNETTE (cont'd)
You think we can be quiet?

She embraces him. Sebastian remains lifeless.

SEBASTIAN
This isn't working out for me anymore.

ANNETTE
(smiling)
Yeah, me neither.

She looks him in the eye and can tell he's not joking.

ANNETTE (cont'd)
What's wrong?

SEBASTIAN
It's not you, it's me. I'm completely
fucked up.

ANNETTE
What are you saying?

SEBASTIAN
Why aren't you understanding?

ANNETTE
I love you.

SEBASTIAN
I know. I wish I felt the same.
Unfortunately, I feel nothing. I think
it was just the conquest. Sorry, I'm
completely fucked up.
Annette bursts into tears.

ANNETTE
Why are you trying to hurt me?

SEBASTIAN
I'm just being honest. I just wanted to
see what you were like in bed.

She attacks him but he grabs her hands and fends her off.
He pushes her against the wall and covers her mouth with
his hand.

SEBASTIAN (cont'd)
Shh! Shh! I don't think Mrs. O'Shea
would appreciate you acting like a
total psychopath.

She slinks to the ground and continues to sob.

ANNETTE
You don't know how to love.

SEBASTIAN
You don't even know me. The fact of the
matter is there is some one I love.
She's smarter, prettier... you don't
even compare to her. The only reason I
am here is because she wants us to be
exclusive.

ANNETTE
But you knew this was important to me.

SEBASTIAN
What, your virginity? Well that's over
now.

Annette clutches her stomach and continues to sob. He moves
towards her.

ANNETTE
Please go.

He opens the door.

SEBASTIAN
Sorry. I'm completely fucked up.

He leaves and closes the door behind him. Annette
continues to sob.
Genres: ["Drama","Romance"]

Summary Sebastian goes to Annette's apartment to break up with her after realizing he doesn't have feelings for her. Annette is devastated by the breakup and Sebastian's callousness. The emotional tone of this scene is tense, heartbreaking, and cold. The conflict arises when Sebastian breaks up with Annette, causing her emotional distress. The scene ends with Sebastian leaving Annette's apartment after breaking up with her, leaving her in tears.
Strengths
  • Raw and emotional dialogue
  • Intense conflict and emotional depth
  • Character development and authenticity
Weaknesses
  • Potentially triggering content
  • Emotional manipulation and betrayal

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively conveys the emotional depth and complexity of the characters, creating a compelling and intense moment of heartbreak and betrayal. The dialogue is powerful and the conflict is palpable, making it a standout scene in the screenplay.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring the complexities of love, honesty, and betrayal in relationships is well-executed in this scene. The emotional impact and character dynamics are central to the scene's effectiveness.

Plot: 7

The plot in this scene revolves around the failed romantic encounter between Sebastian and Annette, leading to a moment of heartbreak and betrayal. The plot development is driven by the emotional conflict and character revelations.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh take on the breakup trope by delving into the protagonist's emotional turmoil and lack of self-awareness. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds depth and complexity to the familiar scenario.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters in this scene are deeply developed and their emotions are raw and authentic. Sebastian's honesty and Annette's vulnerability create a compelling dynamic that drives the emotional impact of the scene.

Character Changes: 8

Both Sebastian and Annette undergo significant emotional changes in this scene, with Sebastian revealing his true feelings and Annette experiencing heartbreak and betrayal. Their interactions lead to a shift in their relationship dynamics.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to break up with Annette, but also to confront his own emotional issues and insecurities. His fear of commitment and inability to truly connect with others drives his actions in this scene.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to end his relationship with Annette in a respectful and honest manner, despite his own emotional struggles. He also aims to maintain his image and reputation in front of others.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in this scene is intense and emotional, driven by the characters' conflicting emotions and desires. The confrontation between Sebastian and Annette creates a palpable tension that drives the scene forward.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Annette challenging Sebastian's emotional detachment and lack of empathy. Her emotional outburst and confrontation create a compelling conflict that drives the scene forward.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in this scene as Sebastian and Annette confront their true feelings and face the consequences of their actions. The emotional turmoil and betrayal have a significant impact on their relationship and future interactions.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by deepening the emotional conflict between Sebastian and Annette, setting the stage for further developments in their relationship. The revelations and confrontations in this scene have a lasting impact on the characters.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected turn of events, the protagonist's brutal honesty, and the emotional intensity of the confrontation. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how the situation will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around honesty, love, and self-awareness. Sebastian's lack of emotional depth and his focus on physical conquests clash with Annette's desire for a genuine connection and love.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking feelings of sadness, anger, and hurt in the characters and the audience. The raw and authentic emotions portrayed by Sebastian and Annette make the scene memorable and impactful.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue in this scene is intense, emotional, and confrontational, effectively conveying the characters' inner turmoil and conflicting emotions. The raw honesty in the dialogue adds depth to the character interactions.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense emotional conflict, sharp dialogue, and unpredictable twists. The audience is drawn into the characters' struggles and the unfolding drama.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension, allowing emotional beats to land, and maintaining a sense of urgency. The rhythm of the dialogue and actions enhances the scene's impact.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings, dialogue formatting, and action descriptions. The formatting enhances the readability and flow of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a traditional structure for a breakup scene, with a buildup of tension, confrontation, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the effectiveness of the emotional beats.


Critique
  • The scene depicts Sebastian going to Annette's apartment to break up with her in a callous and insensitive manner, which can be seen as emotionally abusive.
  • Sebastian's behavior towards Annette is manipulative and cruel, as he admits to using her for a conquest and then dismisses her feelings without empathy.
  • The dialogue between Sebastian and Annette lacks depth and emotional authenticity, making it difficult for the audience to connect with the characters' emotions.
  • The scene portrays Sebastian as callous and lacking in empathy, which may alienate the audience from sympathizing with his character.
  • The physical altercation between Sebastian and Annette, where he pushes her against the wall and covers her mouth, is disturbing and reinforces negative stereotypes of toxic masculinity.
Suggestions
  • Consider rewriting the scene to show more emotional depth and vulnerability in Sebastian's character, allowing the audience to understand his motivations and internal struggles.
  • Focus on developing Annette's character to give her more agency and strength in the face of Sebastian's callous behavior.
  • Refrain from using physical violence or intimidation as a means of resolving conflicts between characters, as it can perpetuate harmful stereotypes and behaviors.
  • Explore the emotional impact of the breakup on both Sebastian and Annette to create a more nuanced and realistic portrayal of their relationship.
  • Consider adding moments of introspection and self-reflection for Sebastian to show his growth and development as a character throughout the scene.



Scene 36 -  Kathryn's Confrontation
86 EXT. VALMONT TOWNHOUSE - DAY 86

A cab driver carries several shopping bags out of a cab.
87 INT. VALMONT TOWNHOUSE - HALLWAY - DAY 87

Kathryn walks down the hallway and enters her room.

88 INT. VALMONT TOWNHOUSE - KATHRYN'S BEDROOM - DAY 88

The room is dark. Kathryn flips on the light.

KATHRYN
Jesus.

Sebastian is sitting in a chair, wearing his shades,
journal in hand.

KATHRYN
A little melodramatic, don't you think.

SEBASTIAN
I have a flair for drama.

KATHRYN
Mind if I ask what you're doing in my
room?

SEBASTIAN
You wanted an answer to your question.

KATHRYN
Annette?

He takes off his glasses. We can tell he has been
crying.

SEBASTIAN
Devastated beyond repair. I doubt
she'll ever trust a man again.

KATHRYN
Well done.

He holds up a bottle of champagne.

SEBASTIAN
I thought we should celebrate.

KATHRYN
I'd love to, but unfortunately I'm
expecting some company.

SEBASTIAN
Ronald?

KATHRYN
Not that it's any of your business but
yes.

Sebastian holds up a letter.
SEBASTIAN
From Ronald.

Kathryn takes the letter.

SEBASTIAN (cont'd)
I haven't had a chance to read it, but
I'm sure it goes something like "yahdah
yahdah yahdah you mean a lot to me.
Yahdah yahdah yahdah I hope we can be
friends. Etcetera, etcetera, etcetera."
You see, I expected your sort of
bullshit so I took the liberty of
phoning Ronald and Cecile. Right now
they're having a little get together
in my love shack at the Grand Central
Hyatt. I'm so sorry he chose Cecile
over you, but I promised him I would
see you through your crisis.

KATHRYN
Well done.

SEBASTIAN
Thank you. Now, where were we?

POP goes the champagne cork.

SEBASTIAN (cont'd)
Oh yeah, the celebration.

He reaches down and picks up two glasses. He fills them
and hands one to Kathryn.

SEBASTIAN (cont'd)
What shall we toast to?

KATHRYN
To my triumph, of course.

SEBASTIAN
Not my choice of toast, but it's your
call. To your triumph over Annette.

Kathryn giggles.

SEBASTIAN (cont'd)
What's so funny?

KATHRYN
Silly rabbit. My triumph isn't over her.
It's over you.

SEBASTIAN
Come again?
KATHRYN
You were very much in love with her and
you're still in love with her. But it
amused me to make you ashamed of it.
You gave up on the first person you
ever loved because I called you names.
Don't get me wrong, I'm flattered that
you chose me over her, but please
understand, I never loved you,
Sebastian. You're just a toy. A little
toy I play with. And now you've
completely blown it with her. I think
that's the saddest thing I've ever
heard.
(smiles)
Cheers.

She clicks his glass and drinks. Sebastian doesn't
drink. He looks ill.

SEBASTIAN
In any event, you still owe me my
reward.

KATHRYN
I'm sorry, but unfortunately I don't
fuck losers.

Sebastian slaps her across the face.

KATHRYN (cont'd)
You motherfucker!

She grabs him and starts throwing wild punches. They
fall to the ground.

KATHRYN (cont'd)
Nobody hits me.

SEBASTIAN
Calm down.

He rolls on top of her and pins her to the ground.

KATHRYN
Get off me!

SEBASTIAN
Will you calm down?

KATHRYN
Fine! Get off me!

He stands and gives her a hand up. They both catch their
breaths.

SEBASTIAN
I'm very sorry about that. I apologize.

KATHRYN
I accept. Now get out.

SEBASTIAN
Get out? We had an arrangement.

KATHRYN
Didn't you hear what I said?

SEBASTIAN
I don't care what you said, we had an
agreement. You've slept with half of
the borough so don't tell me you're
being choosy.

KATHRYN
(screaming)
Get out!

SEBASTIAN
I'm giving you to the count of three to
plop your ass down on the bed.

KATHRYN
And if I don't?

SEBASTIAN
Then I will consider it a declaration
of war. One. Two... three.

KATHRYN
I think you have your answer.

SEBASTIAN
War it is.

He grabs his journal, leaves and SLAMS the door behind
him.
Genres: ["Drama","Romance"]

Summary Kathryn and Sebastian engage in a tense confrontation, with Sebastian revealing his manipulation and feelings for Annette. Kathryn asserts her power, leading to a physical altercation. The conflict escalates, leaving Kathryn victorious and Sebastian declaring war on her.
Strengths
  • Intense emotional conflict
  • Revealing character dynamics
  • Sharp dialogue
  • High stakes
Weaknesses
  • Physical violence
  • Toxic relationship dynamics

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is intense, emotionally charged, and reveals significant character dynamics. The confrontation between Sebastian and Kathryn is gripping and sets up further conflict and resolution.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of manipulation, betrayal, and power struggles is effectively portrayed in the scene. The revelation of Kathryn's true intentions and Sebastian's emotional turmoil adds depth to the story.

Plot: 9

The plot advances significantly as the true nature of Sebastian and Kathryn's relationship is revealed. The conflict between them escalates, leading to a pivotal moment in the story.

Originality: 8

The scene offers a fresh take on themes of power, manipulation, and emotional manipulation in a wealthy and privileged setting. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and unpredictable, adding depth to the story.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Sebastian and Kathryn are well-developed in this scene, showcasing their complex emotions, motivations, and dynamics. Their interactions drive the narrative forward and reveal key aspects of their personalities.

Character Changes: 8

Both Sebastian and Kathryn undergo significant emotional changes in this scene. Sebastian confronts the truth about Kathryn's manipulation, while Kathryn reveals her true intentions and emotions. Their dynamic shifts as a result of this confrontation.

Internal Goal: 9

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to assert her dominance and control over the other character, Sebastian. This reflects her need for power and validation, as well as her fear of vulnerability and rejection.

External Goal: 8

The protagonist's external goal is to maintain her reputation and social standing by manipulating the situation with Sebastian. This reflects the immediate challenge of dealing with a potential threat to her control.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between Sebastian and Kathryn reaches a peak in this scene, leading to a dramatic confrontation. The power struggle, emotional turmoil, and betrayal enhance the tension and drive the narrative forward.

Opposition: 9

The opposition in the scene is strong, with intense emotional conflict, power struggles, and unpredictable character actions that create a sense of tension and suspense.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in this scene as Sebastian and Kathryn's relationship faces a major turning point. The emotional, psychological, and power stakes are raised, leading to significant consequences for the characters.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward by revealing crucial information about Sebastian and Kathryn's relationship. It sets up further conflicts, resolutions, and character developments, driving the narrative towards its climax.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists and turns in the characters' actions and dialogue. The audience is kept on their toes, unsure of how the conflict will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the themes of power, manipulation, and emotional manipulation. It challenges the protagonist's beliefs about love, control, and vulnerability.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions from the audience, particularly in the intense confrontation between Sebastian and Kathryn. The betrayal, anger, and sadness portrayed by the characters resonate with the viewers.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is sharp, confrontational, and emotionally charged, reflecting the intense conflict between Sebastian and Kathryn. It effectively conveys their emotions, motivations, and power dynamics.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense emotional conflict, sharp dialogue, and unpredictable character interactions. The tension and drama keep the audience invested in the story.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and suspense, allowing for emotional moments to land, and keeping the audience engaged from start to finish.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with proper scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting that enhance readability and clarity.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear scene descriptions, character actions, and dialogue that advance the plot and develop the characters.


Critique
  • The scene is intense and filled with emotional turmoil between Sebastian and Kathryn, which is engaging for the audience.
  • The dialogue is sharp and impactful, revealing the manipulative and toxic nature of their relationship.
  • The physical altercation between Sebastian and Kathryn adds a layer of tension and conflict to the scene.
  • Sebastian's emotional vulnerability and Kathryn's cold manipulation are well portrayed through their actions and dialogue.
  • The scene effectively showcases the power dynamics and control issues between Sebastian and Kathryn.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more depth to Kathryn's character to understand her motivations and actions better.
  • Explore Sebastian's emotional journey and internal conflict further to enhance the audience's connection with his character.
  • Provide more context or backstory to explain the toxic dynamic between Sebastian and Kathryn.
  • Consider adding moments of vulnerability or reflection for both characters to add complexity to their personalities.
  • Focus on building the tension and conflict gradually throughout the scene to create a more impactful climax.



Scene 37 -  Sebastian's Confrontation
89 INT. VALMONT TOWNHOUSE - SEBASTIAN'S BEDROOM - DAY 89

Sebastian paces while talking on the phone.

SEBASTIAN
It's desperate that I talk to her.

MRS. O'SHEA (O.S.)
I've already told you, she's not home.

SEBASTIAN
Well please leave a message that I
called.

MRS. O'SHEA (O.S.)
I'll do that.
He hangs up the phone and THROWS it into a mirror, which
SMASHES.

SEBASTIAN
Shit.

He collapses on his bed and buries his face in his hands.
Exhausted he looks up and sees his journal lying on the
floor. He picks it up and flips through it.

90 EXT. O'SHEA APARTMENT BUILDING - NIGHT 90

Sebastian walks down the street carrying a small package.
He enters an apartment building.

91 INT. O'SHEA APARTMENT BUILDING - HALLWAY - NIGHT 91

Sebastian rings the doorbell. Mrs. O'Shea answers the
door.

MRS. O'SHEA
What do you want?

SEBASTIAN
I need to talk to Annette.

MRS. O'SHEA
She's not here.

SEBASTIAN
Do you know where she is?

MRS. O'SHEA
She's out.

SEBASTIAN
Do you know when she'll be back?

MRS. O'SHEA
Later. Listen, we're entertaining
some guests so -

SEBASTIAN
Annette! Annette!

MRS. O'SHEA
Young man, I already told you she's
not here.

SEBASTIAN
Fine. Could you please see that she
gets this.

He hands her the package.

MRS. O'SHEA
I'll do that.

SEBASTIAN
It's really important.

MRS. O'SHEA
I understand. Good night.

She closes the door.
Genres: ["Drama","Romance"]

Summary Sebastian calls Annette, but she's not home, so he drives to her apartment and confronts her landlady, Mrs. O'Shea. He asks to speak with Annette, but Mrs. O'Shea says she's not there. Sebastian tries to get her to give him information about Annette, but Mrs. O'Shea refuses. When Mrs. O'Shea closes the door on him, Sebastian hands her a package for Annette and asks her to make sure she gets it.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Tension building
Weaknesses
  • Limited interaction with other characters
  • Lack of resolution in the scene

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively conveys Sebastian's emotional state and sets up a sense of urgency and tension.


Story Content

Concept: 7

The concept of a character desperately trying to reach out to someone they care about is relatable and adds depth to Sebastian's arc.

Plot: 8

The plot advances as Sebastian attempts to contact Annette, adding to the overall tension and conflict in the story.

Originality: 6

The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the situation of trying to reach out to someone is familiar, the specific actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The scene delves deep into Sebastian's character, revealing his vulnerability and inner turmoil, which adds layers to his personality.

Character Changes: 8

Sebastian undergoes a significant emotional change in this scene, showcasing his vulnerability and desperation in a way that adds depth to his character arc.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to communicate his feelings and urgency to the other character. It reflects his deeper need for connection and resolution of conflict.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to deliver a package to the other character. It reflects the immediate challenge of reaching out to her despite obstacles.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, as Sebastian grapples with his emotions and tries to reach out to Annette.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create conflict and challenge the protagonist's goals, keeping the audience engaged.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are high for Sebastian as he desperately tries to reach out to Annette, risking rejection and further emotional turmoil.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by highlighting Sebastian's emotional journey and setting up future conflicts and resolutions.

Unpredictability: 6

This scene is somewhat predictable in terms of the protagonist's actions and the outcome of his attempts to communicate with the other character.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the clash between the protagonist's desire for communication and the other character's reluctance to engage. It challenges the protagonist's belief in the power of communication and connection.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions from the audience, particularly empathy for Sebastian's inner turmoil and longing for Annette.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue effectively conveys Sebastian's desperation and emotional state, driving the scene forward.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the emotional intensity and the protagonist's clear goal of reaching out to the other character.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and maintaining the audience's interest in the protagonist's journey.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for a dialogue-heavy interaction in a screenplay.

Structure: 8

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for a dramatic interaction between characters in a screenplay.


Critique
  • The scene lacks depth in emotional exploration, especially considering Sebastian's desperation to talk to Annette. More internal conflict and turmoil could be portrayed to enhance the audience's connection with Sebastian's character.
  • The interaction with Mrs. O'Shea feels rushed and lacks tension. There is an opportunity to build suspense and intrigue by adding more layers to their conversation.
  • Sebastian's outburst of throwing the phone into the mirror and exclaiming 'Shit' feels somewhat cliched and could be replaced with a more nuanced reaction that reflects his inner turmoil.
  • The transition from Sebastian pacing in his bedroom to suddenly being outside Annette's apartment building feels disjointed. A smoother transition or a more seamless connection between the two locations could improve the flow of the scene.
  • The dialogue between Sebastian and Mrs. O'Shea lacks depth and could benefit from more subtext or underlying tension to make the interaction more engaging.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment of reflection for Sebastian before he decides to go to Annette's apartment, showcasing his internal struggle and conflicting emotions.
  • Enhance the dialogue between Sebastian and Mrs. O'Shea by adding layers of subtext or hidden agendas to create a more intriguing conversation.
  • Explore different ways for Sebastian to express his frustration and desperation, avoiding cliched reactions like throwing objects in anger.
  • Work on creating a smoother transition between Sebastian's bedroom and Annette's apartment building to improve the continuity of the scene.
  • Add depth to the interaction between Sebastian and Mrs. O'Shea by incorporating subtle power dynamics or unspoken tension to make the scene more dynamic.



Scene 38 -  Kathryn's Cry for Help
92 INT. O'SHEA APARTMENT - FOYER - NIGHT 92

Mrs O'Shea turns away from the door towards Annette,
who stands in the hallway.

93 INT. VALMONT TOWNHOUSE - KATHRYN'S BEDROOM - NIGHT 93

Kathryn sits in a chair doing her nails. She checks her
watch, takes a moment and makes herself upset. She picks
up the phone and dials.

INTERCUT WITH:

94 INT. RONALD'S BEDROOM - NIGHT 94

Ronald is sleeping. The phone rings. He awakens and
answers it.

RONALD
Hello.

KATHRYN
(voice cracking)
Ronald?

RONALD
Yeah?

KATHRYN
It's Kathryn.

Ronald sits up, nervous.

RONALD
Hi Kathryn. Is everything okay?

KATHRYN
No.

She cries.

RONALD
What's wrong?

KATHRYN
It's Sebastian. He's out of his mind.
RONALD
What do you mean?

KATHRYN
I think he's high on drugs. He hit me,
then took off. I'm afraid to be alone.
Please come over.

RONALD
I'll be right there.

He hangs up the phone and grabs his pants

BACK TO:
Genres: ["Drama","Romance"]

Summary In the midst of a tense and emotional night, Kathryn reaches out to Ronald for help after Sebastian hits her and leaves while under the influence of drugs. Ronald awakens to Kathryn's distress, agreeing to go to her place to provide support.
Strengths
  • Intense emotional drama
  • Complex character dynamics
  • High tension
Weaknesses
  • Possible lack of clarity in character motivations

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively conveys the emotional turmoil and tension between the characters, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the unfolding drama.


Story Content

Concept: 7

The concept of manipulation, betrayal, and emotional turmoil is well-executed in this scene, adding depth to the characters and advancing the plot.

Plot: 8

The plot thickens as Kathryn manipulates Ronald to come to her aid, leading to a confrontation with Sebastian. This scene sets up further conflicts and developments in the story.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the theme of trust and betrayal, with a focus on the consequences of substance abuse on relationships. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters' emotions and motivations are well-developed in this scene, particularly Kathryn's manipulative nature and Sebastian's volatile behavior.

Character Changes: 8

The characters undergo significant emotional changes in this scene, particularly Kathryn's vulnerability and Sebastian's volatile behavior.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to seek comfort and support from a trusted individual in a time of distress. This reflects her deeper need for security, validation, and emotional connection.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to seek help and protection from a dangerous situation involving another character. This reflects the immediate challenge she is facing and the need for assistance.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between the characters is high, with tensions running high and emotions flaring, leading to a physical altercation between Sebastian and Kathryn.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, as the protagonist faces a dangerous situation and must rely on another character for help. The audience is unsure of how the conflict will be resolved, adding suspense and tension.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in this scene, with the characters' relationships and emotions on the line, leading to intense confrontations and emotional turmoil.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by setting up further conflicts and developments, particularly in the relationships between the characters.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the sudden turn of events, the emotional turmoil of the characters, and the uncertainty of how the situation will be resolved. The audience is kept on edge and eager to see the outcome.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the struggle between trust and betrayal, as well as the consequences of substance abuse on relationships. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs about loyalty, honesty, and personal boundaries.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions from the audience, particularly sadness, fear, and anxiety, as the characters navigate their complex relationships and confrontations.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is intense and emotionally charged, revealing the characters' inner turmoil and conflicting emotions.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the emotional intensity, the sense of urgency, and the interpersonal drama between the characters. The audience is drawn into the conflict and invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension, maintaining a sense of urgency, and allowing for emotional beats to land. The rhythm of the dialogue and actions keeps the audience engaged and invested.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with proper scene headings, action lines, and dialogue formatting. This enhances the readability and flow of the scene.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear transitions between locations and a focus on character interactions. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the effectiveness of the scene.


Critique
  • The transition between Mrs. O'Shea turning away from the door towards Annette and Kathryn sitting in her bedroom doing her nails feels abrupt and disjointed.
  • The emotional buildup in the dialogue between Kathryn and Ronald is lacking depth and could benefit from more nuanced delivery of emotions.
  • Kathryn's sudden shift from upset to calling Ronald for help could be more effectively portrayed with additional context or buildup.
  • The scene lacks visual descriptions and details that could enhance the tension and emotional impact of Kathryn's distress and Ronald's response.
  • The dialogue could be more dynamic and engaging to draw the audience into the escalating conflict between Kathryn and Sebastian.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief transition scene or visual cue to smoothly connect Mrs. O'Shea's interaction with Annette to Kathryn's distress in her bedroom.
  • Enhance the emotional depth of Kathryn's conversation with Ronald by incorporating more subtle cues and nuances in their dialogue and reactions.
  • Provide more context or build-up to Kathryn's distress and the events leading up to her call to Ronald to create a more impactful and believable sequence of events.
  • Include visual cues or actions to complement the dialogue and convey the intensity of Kathryn's emotions and Ronald's response.
  • Revise the dialogue to make it more engaging and reflective of the escalating tension between Kathryn and Sebastian, adding layers to their relationship dynamics.



Scene 39 -  A Night of Reckoning and Support
95 INT. VALMONT TOWNHOUSE - KATHRYN'S BEDROOM - DAY 95

Kathryn hangs up the phone. She instantly becomes calm and
returns to doing her nails.

96 INT. O'SHEA APARTMENT - ANNETTE'S GUEST ROOM - NIGHT 96

Annette sits and stares at Sebastian's package.

She picks it up and opens it. She takes out a journal
and a letter. She opens the letter and reads it.

SEBASTIAN (V.O.)
Dear Annette. Thank you for reading
this letter. I don't know what I can
possibly say to rectify the harm I have
caused you. For once in my life I'm at
a loss for words.

97 INT. VALMONT TOWNHOUSE - SEBASTIAN'S BEDROOM - NIGHT 97

Sebastian sits at his desk, writing the letter.

SEBASTIAN (V.O.)
The truth of the matter is that being
with you was the only time I have ever
been happy. My whole life has been a
joke. I prided myself on taking joy in
others' misery.

98 INT. MANHATTAN STREET - NIGHT (MONTAGE) 98

Sebastian walks the streets of New York. He seems sad
and lonely.

SEBASTIAN (V.O.)
Well, it finally backfired. I succeeded
in hurting the first person I loved. I
wish more than anything I could take it
back, but I guess that's not possible.

99 INT. O'SHEA APARTMENT - ANNETTE'S GUEST ROOM - NIGHT 99
Annette continues to read the letter.

SEBASTIAN (V.O.)
Enclosed is my most prized possession...
my journal. For a long time I
considered it my trophy. A sordid
collection of my conquests. If you
really want to know the truth, then
please read it. No more lies.

100 EXT. O'SHEA APARTMENT BUILDING - NIGHT 100

We PAN down the side of the building to the ground.
Sebastian lies against the building waiting for Annette
to return.

SEBASTIAN (V.O.)
A car is picking me up tomorrow and
taking me to Martha's Vineyard, where
we have a summer home. Nothing would
make me happier than if you joined me.
I'm a fucking wreck without you. If
you're interested please meet me
outside my building at nine. If not, I
understand. Love, Sebastian.

101 INT. VALMONT TOWNHOUSE - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT 101

Ronald sits and listens as a grieving Kathryn tells her
story.

KATHRYN
And when I confronted him about his
affair with Cecile he told me it was
none of my business. Then when I said
"Well what about Ronald," he said you
were nothing more than a stupid... the
n word and that you deserved what you
got...

RONALD
And this happened before you and I
hooked up?

KATHRYN
It's been going on for a while.
(beat)
Then he called me a disgrace to our
family and that's when he hit me.

RONALD
Racist piece of shit.

KATHRYN
I'd be careful if I were you. God knows
what he's up to.
RONALD
He doesn't scare me. I'll kick his ass
in.

KATHRYN
Will you stay here for the night? You
can leave in the morning. That's when
my parents get back and --

RONALD
Don't worry about it. I'll stay.

Kathryn hugs him.

KATHRYN
Thanks Ronald. You're a good friend.
Genres: ["Drama","Romance"]

Summary Kathryn confides in Ronald about Sebastian's betrayal and abuse. Annette reads Sebastian's letter, learning the truth and his desire for forgiveness. Sebastian roams the streets, remorseful and solitary. Despite the conflicts, a glimmer of hope emerges as Ronald offers support to Kathryn.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Impactful dialogue
  • Exploration of regret and redemption
Weaknesses
  • Lack of external conflict
  • Limited action

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively conveys deep emotions, inner turmoil, and character development. The dialogue is impactful, and the themes of regret and redemption are well portrayed.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of regret, redemption, and emotional turmoil is well executed through the characters' actions, conversations, and letters. The scene delves into the complexities of human emotions and relationships.

Plot: 7

The plot advances through emotional revelations, character interactions, and the unfolding consequences of past actions. The scene sets the stage for resolution and character growth.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh approach to themes of redemption and forgiveness, with complex character dynamics and emotional conflicts. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters show depth, vulnerability, and growth in this scene. Their emotions and conflicts drive the narrative forward and create a compelling story.

Character Changes: 8

Several characters experience significant emotional changes and growth in the scene. They confront their past actions, express regret, and strive for redemption, leading to character development.

Internal Goal: 8

Kathryn's internal goal is to seek comfort and support from Ronald after facing betrayal and abuse from her partner. This reflects her need for validation, security, and friendship.

External Goal: 7

Sebastian's external goal is to reconcile with Annette and express his regret for his past actions. This reflects his immediate challenge of seeking forgiveness and redemption.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

The conflict in the scene is more internal and emotional, focusing on the characters' inner struggles, regrets, and attempts at redemption. It sets the stage for resolution and character development.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with characters facing internal and external conflicts that challenge their beliefs, values, and relationships.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are high in terms of emotional consequences, character relationships, and personal growth. The characters face the challenge of confronting their past actions and seeking redemption.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by resolving emotional conflicts, revealing character motivations, and setting the stage for future developments. It advances the narrative through emotional revelations.

Unpredictability: 7

The scene is unpredictable in terms of character revelations and emotional conflicts, keeping the audience invested in the outcome of the characters' decisions and actions.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict revolves around themes of redemption, forgiveness, and personal growth. Sebastian's realization of his past mistakes challenges his previous values of deriving joy from others' misery.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions of sadness, loneliness, and regret. The characters' vulnerabilities and emotional turmoil resonate with the audience, creating a powerful emotional impact.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is emotional, impactful, and reveals the characters' inner thoughts and feelings. It adds depth to the scene and enhances the emotional resonance.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its emotional intensity, character conflicts, and dramatic revelations. The audience is drawn into the characters' personal struggles and relationships.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotional depth, allowing for character introspection and dramatic moments to unfold at a compelling pace.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to the expected format for its genre, with clear scene descriptions, character actions, and dialogue cues.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format that effectively transitions between different locations and character interactions. It maintains a cohesive narrative flow.


Critique
  • The transition between the different locations and characters in the scene could be smoother to avoid confusion for the audience.
  • The emotional depth of Sebastian's letter to Annette could be further explored to enhance the impact of his apology and regret.
  • The dialogue between Kathryn and Ronald feels a bit rushed and could benefit from more natural pacing and emotional buildup.
  • The scene lacks visual descriptions and details that could enhance the atmosphere and mood of the interactions between the characters.
  • The pacing of the scene could be improved by balancing the emotional intensity with moments of reflection and introspection.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding visual cues or actions to convey the emotions and thoughts of the characters more effectively.
  • Work on refining the dialogue to make it more authentic and reflective of the characters' personalities and relationships.
  • Explore different ways to structure the scene to create a more engaging and impactful narrative flow.
  • Introduce more sensory details to immerse the audience in the setting and enhance the overall cinematic experience.
  • Focus on building tension and suspense throughout the scene to keep the audience engaged and invested in the characters' journeys.



Scene 40 -  A Physical Confrontation on the Street
102 EXT. O'SHEA APARTMENT BUILDING - DAY 102

A STREET CLEANING MACHINE drives past the apartment

103 INT. O'SHEA APARTMENT BUILDING - LOBBY - DAY 103

Sebastian lies sleeping on a sofa in the lobby. The
NIGHT DOORMAN taps him awake.

SEBASTIAN
What time is it?

NIGHT DOORMAN
Eight o'clock. You got to go.

SEBASTIAN
Did she show up?

NIGHT DOORMAN
Nope.

SEBASTIAN
Do you mind if I check upstairs?

NIGHT DOORMAN
I can't have you do that, nor can I
have you hanging around the lobby all
day.

SEBASTIAN
I understand. Thanks for letting me
crash here.

NIGHT DOORMAN
Don't worry about it.

Sebastian stands and staggers out of the building.

104 EXT. VALMONT TOWNHOUSE - DAY 104
Ronald walks out of the building and heads toward the
corner.

He stops when he SEES - Sebastian crossing the street.

RONALD
(under his breath)
Son of a bitch.

Sebastian walks toward Ronald, who blocks his path.

RONALD (cont'd)
Sebastian!

Sebastian looks up at Ronald.

SEBASTIAN
(tired)
Hey Ronald.

RONALD
It seems that you and I have some
talking to do.

SEBASTIAN
Can we do it later. I've had a really
bad night and -

Ronald SHOVES Sebastian.

SEBASTIAN (cont'd)
What's your problem?

RONALD
Where the hell do you come off hitting
women?

SEBASTIAN
What are you talking about?

RONALD
Kathryn. Did you hit her?

SEBASTIAN
Kathryn? Oh Christ, she got to you too?

RONALD
Did you hit her?

SEBASTIAN
Ronald, you don't know what you're
talking about.

RONALD
Don't know what I'm talking about? I
know that you fucked Cecile.
Sebastian says nothing.

RONALD (cont'd)
It's true, isn't it?

SEBASTIAN
Ronald, I'm sorry.

RONALD
You bastard!

Ronald TACKLES Sebastian to the ground. Ronald lands on
top of him and hits in the mouth.

RONALD (cont'd)
I trusted you!

Ronald hits him again. Blood pours out of Sebastian's
mouth. Sebastian is dazed. Ronald grabs him by the
collar.

RONALD (cont'd)
I trusted you!

Sebastian takes a moment to catch his breath.

SEBASTIAN
Fuck you.

He knees Ronald in the groin. Ronald screams in pain and
falls over. Sebastian climbs to his feet.

SEBASTIAN (cont'd)
Why don't you give me a chance to
explain.

Sebastian kicks him in the ass. Ronald falls over.

SEBASTIAN (cont'd)
Don't you get it? We were all part of
her game.

Sebastian pins him to the ground. Ronald struggles.

SEBASTIAN (cont'd)
I'm gonna let you up, but you have to
give me a chance to explain. Understood?

Ronald nods. Sebastian releases him and Ronald catches
his breath. Sebastian looks up and SEES -

Annette, standing across the street, witnessing the
event.

SEBASTIAN (cont'd)
Annette!
Sebastian stands and races over to her, blindly crossing
the street.

Annette notices a speeding cab and -

ANNETTE
(pointing)
Sebastian!

Sebastian looks up just as -- WHAM! The taxi HITS him
dead on, sending him flying over the car and onto the
street.

Annette SCREAMS. The cab SKIDS to a stop. Annette runs
into the street and over to Sebastian, who lies in shock,
He sees her and grabs her hand. She starts to cry.

SEBASTIAN
I'm okay. I'm okay.

Ronald and the Cab driver run over to them.

ANNETTE
Get an ambulance!

The cab driver races back to his car. Sebastian looks up
at Annette.

ANNETTE (cont'd)
We're getting you to a hospital.

Sebastian nods.

SEBASTIAN
Holy shit.

ANNETTE (cont'd)
You're gonna be fine.

Sebastian nods.

SEBASTIAN
I'm sorry.

ANNETTE (cont'd)
It's alright.

SEBASTIAN
I'm okay. Everything's good.

DISSOLVE TO:
Genres: ["Drama","Romance","Thriller"]

Summary Sebastian is confronted by Ronald in the street, and a fight ensues. Ronald accuses Sebastian of hitting Kathryn. Sebastian attempts to explain himself, but a taxi strikes him before he has the opportunity. Annette, who witnessed the incident, summons an ambulance.
Strengths
  • Intense conflict
  • Emotional depth
  • Plot advancement
  • Character development
Weaknesses
  • Potential for confusion with multiple character arcs and revelations

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is intense, emotional, and impactful, with a high level of conflict and stakes. It moves the story forward significantly and has a strong emotional impact on the characters and the audience.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of revealing truths, facing consequences, and the collision of different characters' actions is well-executed. The scene effectively portrays the aftermath of manipulation and deceit.

Plot: 8

The plot is engaging and filled with tension, especially with the confrontation between Sebastian and Ronald leading to the accident. It advances the story and sets up further developments.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on themes of betrayal and manipulation, with unexpected twists and turns in the characters' interactions. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are complex and their emotions are raw and authentic. The scene showcases their vulnerabilities, conflicts, and the impact of their actions on each other.

Character Changes: 8

The characters undergo emotional turmoil and revelations in the scene, leading to potential growth and change in their relationships and motivations.

Internal Goal: 8

Sebastian's internal goal in this scene is to explain himself and clear his name in the face of accusations and betrayal. He wants to be understood and vindicated, reflecting his need for validation and redemption.

External Goal: 7

Sebastian's external goal is to survive the physical altercation with Ronald and get medical help after being hit by a taxi. This goal reflects the immediate challenge he is facing in the scene.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is high, with intense confrontations, physical altercation, and the shocking accident. The tension between the characters is palpable.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with physical and emotional obstacles challenging the protagonist's goals. The audience is kept in suspense about the outcome of the confrontation between Sebastian and Ronald.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in the scene, with relationships at risk, trust shattered, and the physical well-being of characters in danger. The consequences of actions are severe.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward by revealing truths, deepening conflicts, and setting up future developments. It has a pivotal role in the narrative progression.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected turn of events, such as Sebastian being hit by a taxi and the revelation of betrayal and manipulation. The audience is kept on edge and unsure of what will happen next.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around trust, betrayal, and manipulation. Sebastian and Ronald's confrontation highlights the themes of deception and the consequences of playing games with people's emotions.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a significant emotional impact, evoking sadness, anger, shock, and hope. The characters' raw emotions and the dramatic events resonate with the audience.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is intense and reveals the characters' emotions and motivations effectively. It drives the conflict and adds depth to the interactions.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its high emotional intensity, fast-paced action, and dramatic conflict between the characters. The audience is drawn into the unfolding events and invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and suspense, with a balance of dialogue, action, and visual descriptions. The rhythm of the scene enhances its emotional impact and keeps the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings, action lines, and dialogue formatting. The visual descriptions and character actions are effectively conveyed.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with a buildup of tension, a confrontation between the characters, and a dramatic resolution. The pacing and formatting enhance the impact of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene starts with a strong visual of Sebastian lying on a sofa in the lobby, which sets the tone for his vulnerability and desperation.
  • The confrontation between Sebastian and Ronald is intense and emotional, with Ronald accusing Sebastian of hitting Kathryn and Sebastian trying to explain himself.
  • The physical altercation between Sebastian and Ronald is impactful, but the dialogue could be more nuanced to delve deeper into their emotions and motivations.
  • Sebastian's revelation about being part of Kathryn's game adds an interesting layer to the scene, but it could be further explored to provide more context and depth to the characters' relationships.
  • The sudden accident involving Sebastian being hit by a taxi adds a dramatic twist to the scene, but the transition from the confrontation to the accident could be smoother to enhance the flow of the narrative.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more internal monologue or emotional reactions from Sebastian and Ronald during their confrontation to provide insight into their thoughts and feelings.
  • Explore the dynamics of the relationship between Sebastian, Ronald, and Kathryn further to add complexity and depth to their interactions.
  • Work on the pacing and transition between the confrontation and the accident to ensure a seamless and engaging progression of events.
  • Consider incorporating Annette's perspective and emotional response to witnessing the confrontation and the accident to add another layer of emotional depth to the scene.
  • Focus on balancing the physical action with the emotional intensity of the scene to create a more impactful and cohesive narrative.



Scene 41 -  Revelations and Power Struggles
105 INT. VALMONT TOWNHOUSE - LIVING ROOM - DAY 105

Blaine, twenty high-school girls and several friends of
the family are dressed in black, making polite conversation
and consoling Sebastian's parents and his Aunt Helen.

Mrs. Caldwell stands in the corner with Cecile and her
husband, MR. CALDWELL.

MRS. CALDWELL
Sad, sad, sad. To think of the
opportunities that boy had. This should
be a lesson to us all that our children
need constant supervision.

She puts her arm around Cecile.

MRS. CALDWELL (CONT'D)
It's all about quality time.

106 INT. VALMONT TOWNHOUSE - SEBASTIAN'S BEDROOM - DAY 106

Annette enters Sebastian's room, now cleaned up. She
walks around the room, taking it in, then approaches the
window. She stares out of it for a moment.

KATHRYN (O.S.)
He loved that view.

Annette turns and sees Kathryn at the door. She enters
the room.

ANNETTE
I can see why.

Kathryn extends her hand.

KATHRYN
I'm Kathryn.

ANNETTE
Annette Harrison.

They shake.

KATHRYN
Have we met?

ANNETTE
I don't think so.

KATHRYN
Did you know Sebastian well?

ANNETTE
You might say that.

KATHRYN
Now I remember. Annette Harrison. Your
father's the new headmaster at Oakwood.
ANNETTE
That's right.

KATHRYN
I'm sure you're going to love it there.

Annette nods.

KATHRYN
Are you okay?

ANNETTE
I'll be fine.

KATHRYN
(beat)
Well, I'll leave you alone now. I just
came in here to get something of mine.

Kathryn walks over to Sebastian's desk and takes the keys
to his Porsche. She goes to leave, when she turns back to
Annette.

KATHRYN (cont'd)
You sure you're going to be alright?
I'm here if you need a friend.

ANNETTE
Thank you.

KATHRYN
Look, I know this sounds corny, but
whenever I feel like I can't go on I...
(takes out her crucifix)
turn to Jesus and he helps me through
the problem. Call me an anachronism,
but -

ANNETTE
Oh cut the shit, Kathryn.

KATHRYN
Excuse me?

ANNETTE
You heard me.

KATHRYN
Who the hell do you think you are
coming into my house and saying those
things to me. My brother is dead, have
some respect.

ANNETTE
Kathryn, I know all about you and
Sebastian.
KATHRYN
Sebastian was a pathological liar. I
wouldn't believe a word he -

ANNETTE
I have his journal.

KATHRYN
You what?

ANNETTE
His journal. He sent it to me the day
before he died. Everything about you is
in it. The blow jobs, the hand jobs,
the menages, your bout with bulimia,
the affair you had with your guidance
counselor and how he gave you... eww.
Let's see, then there's your coke
problem... You still keep it in your
crucifix, don't you? It's all in there.

KATHRYN
You didn't show it to anybody?

ANNETTE
Actually, I was planning on running
down to Kinkos. Do you think you could
give me ride?

KATHRYN
You can't do this to me. It could ruin
me.

ANNETTE
(smiling)
I know.

Kathryn starts to cry.

ANNETTE (cont'd)
Kathryn, please. Crying? Didn't you
once say that crying is a sign of
weakness? I'm very disappointed in you.

Kathryn continues to sob.

ANNETTE (cont'd)
Alright, stop crying. There's a bright
side to this you know.

Annette puts a comforting arm around her.

ANNETTE (cont'd)
You're going to be my pet project next
year. You're going to do what I tell
you to do, wear what I tell you to
wear. You're going to befriend the
unpopular, sleep with the insecure.
Think of the social ramifications it
will cause. You and I are going to turn
this school around. And do you know why
you're going to do it?
(beat)
Cause your ass is mine.

Annette grabs Kathryn by the face, KISSES her forcefully
on the mouth, then shoves her back. Kathryn looks at her
in horror.

ANNETTE (cont'd)
We'll be in touch.

She winks at Kathryn then leaves.

CLOSE ON: Kathryn. She sits down on Sebastian's bed,
utterly defeated.

ANNETTE (cont'd)
Forgot something.

Annette steps back into frame and takes the car keys out
of Kathryn's hands.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary Blaine, high-school girls, and friends of the family gather in Sebastian's townhouse to console his parents. Mrs. Caldwell reflects on parenting while Annette enters Sebastian's room with his journal, revealing damaging information about Kathryn. This revelation leads to a tense confrontation between Annette and Kathryn, with Annette asserting her control by taking the car keys and forcefully kissing Kathryn before leaving.
Strengths
  • Intense confrontation
  • Revealing dialogue
  • Power dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Some may find the manipulation and confrontation too intense

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly impactful, revealing crucial information and setting up a power struggle between the characters. The tension and manipulation add depth to the story.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of revealing secrets and manipulating others for control is executed effectively in this scene.

Plot: 9

The plot advances significantly with the revelation of Sebastian's journal and the power shift between Annette and Kathryn.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh take on power dynamics and revenge in a wealthy social setting. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and add depth to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 9

Annette and Kathryn's characters are well-developed and their dynamic is compelling to watch.

Character Changes: 8

Annette takes control and manipulates Kathryn, showcasing a shift in their dynamic.

Internal Goal: 9

Annette's internal goal is to confront Kathryn about her true nature and gain power over her. This reflects Annette's desire for justice and control in the face of deception.

External Goal: 8

Annette's external goal is to assert dominance over Kathryn and potentially expose her secrets. This reflects the immediate challenge of dealing with Kathryn's manipulation and deceit.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between Annette and Kathryn is intense and drives the scene forward.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Annette challenging Kathryn's manipulation and gaining power over her. The audience is left unsure of how the power dynamics will unfold.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high as Annette threatens to expose Kathryn's secrets, potentially ruining her.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward with the revelation of Sebastian's journal and the power shift between Annette and Kathryn.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected turn of events, where Annette gains power over Kathryn through manipulation and confrontation.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between honesty and manipulation. Annette represents honesty and justice, while Kathryn embodies manipulation and deceit. This challenges Kathryn's values and forces her to confront her actions.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The emotional impact is high due to the tension and revelations in the scene.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is sharp, confrontational, and reveals important information about the characters.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its intense dialogue, dramatic confrontation, and character development. The power dynamics and revelations keep the audience invested in the story.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, leading to a climactic confrontation between Annette and Kathryn. It keeps the audience engaged and invested in the story.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene's formatting adheres to the expected format for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions. It enhances the readability and flow of the screenplay.

Structure: 9

The scene follows a clear structure with well-defined character interactions and progression. It effectively builds tension and resolves conflicts.


Critique
  • The scene lacks subtlety and nuance in the dialogue, with characters explicitly stating information that could be conveyed more effectively through actions or subtext.
  • The confrontation between Annette and Kathryn feels forced and melodramatic, with Annette revealing sensitive information in a way that seems overly dramatic.
  • The character dynamics and power play between Annette and Kathryn could be more subtly developed to create a more engaging and complex interaction.
  • The emotional beats in the scene feel rushed and the resolution of the conflict between Annette and Kathryn lacks depth and authenticity.
  • The dialogue could benefit from more natural and realistic exchanges, as some lines come across as contrived or overly dramatic.
Suggestions
  • Consider rewriting the dialogue to be more subtle and nuanced, allowing the tension and conflict to build gradually.
  • Focus on developing the character dynamics between Annette and Kathryn to create a more layered and engaging interaction.
  • Explore ways to convey sensitive information through actions and subtext rather than direct exposition.
  • Slow down the pacing of the scene to allow for more emotional depth and authenticity in the character interactions.
  • Work on creating a more natural and realistic tone in the dialogue to enhance the believability of the scene.



Scene 42 -  Annette's Joyride
107 INT. PORSCHE - DAY 107

Annette races down the highway. She opens up the glove
compartment and rifles through some cassettes. She takes
out The Carpenter's Greatest Hits and inserts it.

CUE UP: The Carpenter's singing "Goodbye To Love."

Annette reaches down and takes out Sebastian's
sunglasses. She puts them on and checks herself out in
the rear-view mirror. A grin crosses her face.

108 EXT. WESTSIDE HIGHWAY - AERIAL POV. - DAY 108

We MOVE off the Porsche and ascend into the air. The
Porsche weaves through traffic as it disappears into a
sea of cars. WE SEE the Manhattan skyline in the background
as WE -

FADE OUT.

THE END
Genres: ["Drama","Romance"]

Summary Annette indulges in a carefree drive, relishing the moment by listening to music, wearing her partner's sunglasses, and admiring her reflection. As the scene concludes, the Porsche disappears into the bustling Manhattan skyline.
Strengths
  • Strong emotional impact
  • Well-developed characters
  • Effective dialogue
  • Compelling themes
Weaknesses
  • Some elements may feel rushed or unresolved

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively conveys a range of emotions and sets up a poignant moment with Annette driving away, leaving the audience with a sense of closure and reflection.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of love, betrayal, and redemption is well-executed in this scene, with characters facing the consequences of their actions and making difficult decisions.

Plot: 7

The plot progresses as Annette drives away, Sebastian faces the aftermath of his choices, and Kathryn manipulates the situation to her advantage, leading to a climactic confrontation.

Originality: 7

The scene introduces a familiar scenario of driving on a highway but adds a unique twist with the use of specific details like the choice of music and the protagonist's actions. The authenticity of the character's behavior and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters' emotions and motivations are well-developed, with Annette showing strength and resolve, Sebastian grappling with his mistakes, and Kathryn revealing her manipulative nature.

Character Changes: 8

Several characters undergo significant changes in this scene, with Annette showing strength and independence, Sebastian facing his mistakes, and Kathryn revealing her true nature.

Internal Goal: 8

Annette's internal goal in this scene is to feel confident and in control. This is reflected in her actions of putting on Sebastian's sunglasses and checking herself out in the mirror, which shows her desire for self-assurance and independence.

External Goal: 7

Annette's external goal in this scene is to enjoy the thrill of driving fast and feeling free. This goal reflects her immediate circumstances of being on the highway and the challenges of navigating through traffic.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between the characters is intense and emotional, with Annette leaving, Sebastian confronting his feelings, and Kathryn manipulating the situation to create tension and drama.

Opposition: 6

The opposition in the scene is moderate, with the challenges of traffic and societal norms providing some obstacles for the protagonist. While there is a sense of tension, the resolution is relatively straightforward.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in this scene, with characters facing the consequences of their actions, making difficult choices, and revealing their true selves in moments of conflict and resolution.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by resolving some character arcs, setting up new conflicts, and leaving the audience with a sense of closure and anticipation for what comes next.

Unpredictability: 6

This scene is somewhat predictable in terms of the protagonist's actions and the overall outcome. While there is a sense of thrill and excitement, the general trajectory of the scene is expected.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

There is a subtle philosophical conflict between Annette's desire for independence and the constraints of societal norms represented by the traffic and the cityscape. This challenges her beliefs about freedom and control.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions from the audience, with moments of sadness, regret, and hope as the characters face the consequences of their actions.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue effectively conveys the characters' emotions and conflicts, adding depth to the scene and driving the narrative forward.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it captures the audience's attention with its dynamic visuals, character actions, and emotional resonance. The fast-paced nature of the scene keeps viewers invested in Annette's journey.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is well-crafted, with a balance of action, dialogue, and visual descriptions. It maintains a sense of urgency and momentum, driving the scene forward effectively.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is well-executed, with clear scene headings, action descriptions, and transitions. It follows the expected format for a screenplay in the action genre.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with a setup of the protagonist's actions, a development of her goals and conflicts, and a resolution as she drives off into the distance. The formatting is consistent with the genre of a fast-paced action sequence.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear connection to the previous events and characters in the screenplay. It feels disconnected and out of place.
  • There is a lack of emotional depth or resolution in this final scene, leaving the audience feeling unsatisfied.
  • The use of The Carpenter's song 'Goodbye To Love' could be seen as too on-the-nose and cliche for a scene that is meant to convey Annette's emotional journey.
  • The visual of Annette checking herself out in the rear-view mirror and grinning feels superficial and doesn't add much depth to her character or the story.
  • The transition from Annette driving down the highway to an aerial view of the Porsche weaving through traffic and disappearing into the Manhattan skyline feels abrupt and doesn't provide a satisfying conclusion to the screenplay.
Suggestions
  • Consider tying the final scene back to the central themes and conflicts of the screenplay to provide a more cohesive and satisfying ending.
  • Explore more nuanced and emotionally resonant ways to convey Annette's character development and resolution.
  • Choose a song or musical cue that adds depth and meaning to the scene without feeling too on-the-nose.
  • Focus on Annette's internal journey and emotional growth in the final scene to give the audience a sense of closure and resolution.
  • Consider a more impactful and thematically relevant visual to conclude the screenplay, one that leaves a lasting impression on the audience.