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Scene 1 -  Jojo's Induction
INT. JOJO’S HOUSE - MORNING

We open with QUICK DETAIL SHOTS of a young boy dressing:

- a brown shirt buttoned.
- badges pinned.
- belt tightened.
- neck kerchief tied.
- shoelaces tied and shoes polished.
- socks pulled up to knees.
- hair combed.
- eye-pencil applied above top lip...??
- Shoes clicked together at the heels, one foot stomps down hard
on the floor.

He is dressed. We PULL to a CLOSE-UP, coming face to face with
our HERO...

JOHANNES BETZLER, (JOJO), a cute 10 year-old Boy. He stares into
a full-length mirror. He has drawn a HITLER moustache on his
upper lip.

JOJO
Jojo Betzler, ten and a half years
old. Today you join the ranks of the
Jungvolk. This is a great day, for
you, for your family, and for all of
Germany.

And as “BREATHLESS” by NICK CAVE kicks in, we PULL OUT to reveal
Jojo is dressed impeccably in a HITLER YOUTH uniform. He does a
little dance on the spot and then looks over to a wall covered
with pictures, posters and drawings of ADOLF HITLER.

Jojo tries to WINK at a prominent poster of the Führer however
he can’t close one eye independently so it’s more of a scrunched
up BLINK. He tries again, not happening. He turns back to the
mirror and does the NAZI SALUTE.

JOJO (CONT’D)
HEIL HITLER!!!


SUPER: “VIENNA, 1944”
Genres: ["Drama","War"]

Summary In a poignant and ironic scene set in 1944 Vienna, a young boy named Jojo Betzler excitedly dresses in his Hitler Youth uniform, showcasing his pride and anticipation for joining the Jungvolk. As he admires himself in the mirror and interacts with a wall of Hitler memorabilia, his childlike enthusiasm starkly contrasts with the dark historical context. The scene culminates in Jojo performing a Nazi salute and exclaiming 'Heil Hitler!' while the music 'Breathless' plays, highlighting his indoctrination and internal conflict.
Strengths
  • Compelling concept
  • Strong character introduction
  • Effective tone setting
Weaknesses
  • Controversial subject matter
  • Potential for misinterpretation

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively sets the tone for the film, introducing the main character and establishing the historical context. It is engaging, provocative, and sets up potential conflicts and character arcs.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of a young boy indoctrinated into Nazi ideology is compelling and thought-provoking. It sets the stage for exploring themes of innocence, propaganda, and moral ambiguity.

Plot: 8

The plot is advanced by introducing the main character and his beliefs, hinting at potential conflicts and challenges he may face. It sets up intrigue and curiosity about the character's journey.

Originality: 9

The scene demonstrates a high level of originality through its fresh approach to depicting the indoctrination of young children into Nazi ideology, the authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue, and the use of dark humor to address serious themes.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The character of Jojo is well-developed in this scene, showcasing his youthful enthusiasm and misguided beliefs. His idolization of Hitler adds depth to his character and sets up potential growth.

Character Changes: 8

While Jojo's character doesn't change significantly in this scene, it sets up the potential for growth and transformation as the story progresses.

Internal Goal: 8

Jojo's internal goal in this scene is to feel accepted and important as he joins the ranks of the Jungvolk and the Hitler Youth. This reflects his deeper need for belonging, approval, and identity within the context of the Nazi regime.

External Goal: 7

Jojo's external goal in this scene is to successfully perform the Nazi salute and show his loyalty to Hitler. This reflects the immediate circumstances of his indoctrination into the Hitler Youth and the challenges he faces in conforming to the regime's expectations.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7.5

The conflict is subtly introduced through Jojo's misguided beliefs and idolization of Hitler. It hints at internal and external conflicts to come in the story.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong as Jojo faces the challenge of performing the Nazi salute and conforming to the expectations of the regime, creating a sense of uncertainty and conflict that drives the narrative forward.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are subtly introduced through Jojo's indoctrination and idolization of Hitler, hinting at the potential dangers and challenges he may face in the future.

Story Forward: 8

The scene effectively moves the story forward by introducing the main character, his beliefs, and the world he inhabits. It sets up key elements for the narrative to unfold.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because it subverts expectations by blending humor with dark subject matter, creating a sense of unease and tension that keeps the audience on edge.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the clash between Jojo's innocence as a young boy and the indoctrination of Nazi ideology that he is being exposed to. This challenges Jojo's beliefs, values, and worldview as he grapples with the propaganda and symbolism of the regime.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a mix of emotions, from discomfort at Jojo's actions to curiosity about his character arc. It sets up an emotional connection with the audience.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue effectively conveys Jojo's indoctrination and enthusiasm for joining the Hitler Youth. It sets the tone for his character and the world he inhabits.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it immediately grabs the audience's attention with its unique premise, sharp dialogue, and dark humor. The conflict and tension are palpable, and the character of Jojo is intriguing and complex.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and suspense, with a gradual escalation of conflict and emotion that keeps the audience engaged and invested in Jojo's journey.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for its genre with clear scene headings, action lines, and dialogue formatting that enhance readability and visual storytelling.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for its genre by establishing the setting, introducing the protagonist, and setting up the conflict and themes of the story effectively.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes Jojo's character and his indoctrination into the Hitler Youth, showcasing his innocence and misguided pride. However, the use of a drawn-on Hitler moustache could be seen as overly on-the-nose, potentially undermining the subtlety of the character's naivety. A more nuanced approach might allow the audience to infer his admiration without explicit visual cues.
  • The quick detail shots are visually engaging and create a strong sense of Jojo's excitement, but they could benefit from a clearer emotional arc. While the excitement is palpable, the scene could hint at the underlying absurdity and darkness of the situation, which would set a more complex tone for the film.
  • Jojo's attempt to wink at the poster is a humorous moment that highlights his childlike innocence, but it may come off as slightly forced. A more organic interaction with the poster or a different physical comedy moment could enhance the humor without feeling contrived.
  • The transition from Jojo's personal moment to the larger context of the Nazi regime could be more pronounced. While the scene is focused on Jojo, a subtle hint of the oppressive atmosphere outside his room could foreshadow the conflict and stakes of the story.
  • The dialogue is effective in establishing Jojo's character and his beliefs, but it could be enriched with more internal conflict. For instance, a fleeting moment of doubt or confusion about his beliefs could add depth to his character and make his journey more compelling.
Suggestions
  • Consider removing the drawn-on moustache or replacing it with a more subtle visual cue that suggests Jojo's admiration for Hitler without being overt.
  • Incorporate a moment of hesitation or doubt in Jojo's expression or body language as he admires himself, hinting at the internal conflict that may arise later in the story.
  • Explore the use of sound design to create a contrast between Jojo's joyful moment and the ominous undertones of the world outside, perhaps through muffled sounds of war or distant sirens.
  • Add a brief moment where Jojo glances out the window or hears something unsettling, which could serve as a reminder of the reality of the war and the stakes involved, enhancing the dramatic tension.
  • Consider including a line of internal monologue or a brief flashback that reflects Jojo's upbringing or the influence of his family, providing context for his beliefs and setting up potential character development.



Scene 2 -  Innocent Aspirations
EXT. STREET - DAY

With a confident stride Jojo walks down the street admiring
himself in store windows. He greets everyone he meets with the
Hitler salute.


JOJO
Heil Hitler, Herr Josef!
(beat)
Heil Hitler, Frau Kirsch!

He is joined by his best friend YORKI, 11 years old, geeky, fat
and clumsy. They embrace.

YORKI
Jojo!

JOJO
Yorki! Heil Hitler!

YORKI
Heil Hitler!

They continue walking with excited energy.

JOJO
Looking good Yorki.

YORKI
You too, Jojo. Did you bring your
books?

JOJO
Of course. Now Yorki we must make a
big effort this weekend. It’s rare for
we Jungvolk to be allowed at a
Hitlerjugend training weekend and I
want to make a good impression. They
may promote us to Hitler’s Special
Guard early. Only the best of the best
get to do that.

YORKI
Yes, you and I will be best of the
best.

JOJO
The best Nazi’s the whole world has
ever seen.

They look a bit awkward and nerdy as they continue down the
street. They scream another Heil Hitler at each other, scaring
the shit out of an elderly woman walking past.
Genres: ["Drama","Historical"]

Summary In a street in Vienna during 1944, 11-year-old Jojo confidently walks alongside his best friend Yorki, both boys enthusiastically saluting passersby and expressing their eagerness to excel in the Hitlerjugend. Their naive excitement about becoming part of Hitler's Special Guard is highlighted through their exaggerated gestures and discussions, creating a mix of innocent enthusiasm and dark irony. The scene culminates in a loud salute that startles an elderly woman, underscoring the unsettling contrast between their youthful innocence and the grim historical context.
Strengths
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Effective character introduction
  • Compelling theme
Weaknesses
  • Lack of external conflict
  • Limited character development in this scene

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively sets the tone for the rest of the screenplay, introducing the main characters, their motivations, and the historical context. The dialogue is engaging and reveals important information about the characters and their world.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of young boys being indoctrinated into the Hitler Youth is a compelling and thought-provoking one. The scene effectively conveys the themes of innocence, loyalty, and the dangers of propaganda.

Plot: 8

The plot is advanced through the introduction of the Jungvolk training weekend and the possibility of Jojo and Yorki being promoted to Hitler's Special Guard. This sets up future conflicts and character development.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh approach to exploring the impact of Nazi ideology on young minds, highlighting the absurdity and danger of indoctrination. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds depth and complexity to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters of Jojo and Yorki are well-defined through their dialogue and interactions. Jojo is ambitious and eager to prove himself, while Yorki is loyal and supportive. Their dynamic sets the stage for future growth.

Character Changes: 7

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the groundwork is laid for Jojo and Yorki to undergo growth and development as they navigate the challenges of the Hitler Youth.

Internal Goal: 8

Jojo's internal goal is to prove himself as a loyal and dedicated Nazi, seeking validation and recognition from the regime. This reflects his deeper need for acceptance and belonging in a society that values conformity and obedience.

External Goal: 7

Jojo's external goal is to impress the authorities at the Hitlerjugend training weekend and potentially be promoted to Hitler's Special Guard. This reflects the immediate challenge he faces in proving his loyalty and dedication to the regime.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict in this scene is primarily internal, as Jojo and Yorki grapple with their desire to excel in the Hitler Youth while maintaining their friendship and sense of self. The external conflict is hinted at with the mention of the training weekend.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, as the characters face internal and external challenges that test their beliefs and values. The uncertainty of their future and the consequences of their actions create a sense of conflict and suspense.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high for Jojo and Yorki as they strive to excel in the Hitler Youth and potentially join Hitler's Special Guard. The consequences of failure are hinted at, adding tension to the scene.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing the main characters, their goals, and the upcoming training weekend. It sets up future conflicts and plot developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the juxtaposition of innocence and sinister ideologies, creating a sense of unease and tension. The unexpected actions and dialogue challenge the audience's expectations.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the clash between blind loyalty to a destructive ideology and the innocence of childhood friendship. Jojo and Yorki's belief in becoming the 'best Nazis' contrasts with their awkward and nerdy demeanor, hinting at the absurdity and danger of their beliefs.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7.5

The scene elicits a mix of emotions, from excitement and pride to unease and tension. The contrast between the boys' innocence and the dark backdrop of Nazi Germany creates a sense of foreboding.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is engaging and reveals important information about the characters' motivations and the world they inhabit. The awkward exchanges between Jojo and Yorki add depth to their relationship.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its dark humor, sharp dialogue, and the tension between the characters' beliefs and actions. The conflict and character dynamics keep the audience invested in the story.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, drawing the audience into the characters' world and beliefs. The rhythm of the dialogue and actions enhances the scene's impact and emotional resonance.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions. The dialogue is well-paced and engaging, enhancing the overall impact of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, effectively setting up the conflict and character dynamics. The pacing and rhythm contribute to its effectiveness in conveying the themes and tone.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures Jojo's enthusiasm and indoctrination into the Nazi ideology through his interactions with Yorki and the people they encounter. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext to deepen the characters' motivations and the absurdity of their beliefs. Currently, the dialogue is quite straightforward and lacks layers that could enhance the comedic and tragic elements of the story.
  • The use of the Hitler salute as a greeting is a strong visual and thematic choice, but it may come off as repetitive. While it emphasizes the boys' indoctrination, varying their greetings or incorporating different reactions from the townspeople could add depth and humor to the scene.
  • The characterization of Yorki as 'geeky, fat, and clumsy' is somewhat clichéd and could be expanded to make him more relatable and unique. Providing him with a distinct personality trait or quirk would help differentiate him from Jojo and make their friendship feel more authentic.
  • The scene's pacing is generally good, but the transition from their excited conversation to the startled elderly woman feels abrupt. A more gradual build-up to her reaction could enhance the comedic effect and provide a clearer sense of the boys' obliviousness to their surroundings.
  • The emotional tone of the scene is a mix of innocence and dark irony, which is effective. However, it could be further emphasized by contrasting Jojo's excitement with subtle hints of the grim reality of the time. For example, incorporating background elements that reflect the war's impact on the community could add layers to the scene.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more subtext to the dialogue, allowing the characters to express their beliefs and aspirations in a way that reveals their naivety and the absurdity of their situation.
  • Introduce varied reactions from the townspeople to the boys' salutes, showcasing a range of emotions from fear to indifference, which could enhance the comedic and tragic elements of the scene.
  • Develop Yorki's character further by giving him a unique trait or backstory that sets him apart from Jojo, making their friendship feel more genuine and layered.
  • Smooth out the transition to the elderly woman's startled reaction by building up to it with more descriptive actions or dialogue that highlight the boys' obliviousness to their surroundings.
  • Incorporate subtle background details that hint at the war's impact on the community, such as posters, damaged buildings, or somber expressions from passersby, to deepen the emotional tone of the scene.



Scene 3 -  Youthful Absurdity at Hitlerjugend Camp
EXT. WOODS - HITLERJUGEND CAMP - DAY

Jojo and Yorki sit with other clean cut young children aged
between 10 and 13.


CHILDREN
(singing)
I swear to devote all my energies and
my strength to the saviour of our
country, Adolf Hitler. I am willing
and ready to give up my life for him,
so help me God.

A group of older kids, true HITLER YOUTH, are gathered nearby. A
group of girls from the LEAGUE OF GERMAN GIRLS (BDM) march past
on their way to a separate training area. Jojo sneaks a quick
look at a pretty girl, GUDRUN (12). She returns a smile as
CAPTAIN KLENZENDORF, weathered, over looking after kids, steps
forward. He is accompanied by his camp, awkwardly enthusiastic
assistant, SUB-OFFICER FINKEL (20’s). Captain Klenzendorf
addresses the young crowd.

KLENZENDORF
Heil Hitler!

FINKEL
Heil Hitler!

KLENZENDORF
Jungvolk, welcome to our Hitlerjugend
training weekend in which we will make
men and women of you all. My name is
Captain Klenzendorf - you may call me
Captain K.

FINKEL
Captain K! Woohoo!

KLENZENDORF
...and this is Sub-Officer Finkel. You
may only call him Sub-Officer Finkel.
Over the next two days you will get a
taste of the Hitlerjugend experience
so you know what you’re in store for
once you’re old enough to join
yourself. You boys have all been
issued with your Deutsches Jungvolk
Daggers. Please take them out.

Jojo and Yorki inspect and admire their nice new DEUTSCHES
JUNGVOLK (DJ) KNIVES. Throughout the crowd we hear various yelps
as kids accidentally cut themselves with the blades.

KLENZENDORF (CONT’D)
These are very special and expensive
weapons, you should never be without
them. And DO NOT try to stab each
other.


FINKEL
No stabbing! Or you’ll die. From blood
loss.

KLENZENDORF
Now, this is your first step towards
being men. Today you boys will be
involved in such activities as
marching, bayonet drills, grenade
throwing, trench digging, map reading,
gas defence, camouflage, making traps,
ambush techniques, war games, firing
guns and blowing stuff up.

Huge cheers from the group of boys. Jojo and Yorki smile at each
other, this is going to be awesome.

KLENZENDORF (CONT’D)
The girls will practice important
womanly duties such as nursing wounds,
making beds, and learning how to get
pregnant.

Groans of disappointment from the girls.

KLENZENDORF (CONT’D)
Alright, let’s get to it. Are you
READY?!

CHILDREN
YES! HEIL HITLER!!!

The entire circle salutes, as do Jojo and Yorki. The BDM head
off towards a COMMUNITY HALL in a nearby field.

And “I DON’T WANNA GROW UP” by Tom Waits bursts to life, the
older boys start screaming at the smaller kids, rounding them
up, ordering them into groups and y’know, being teenage Nazi
assholes.

FINKEL
Move, move, move! On your feet you
little Hitlers!


MONTAGE - HITLER YOUTH TRAINING CAMP...

Various scenes of Jojo and Yorki training with the Hitlerjugend.

- KNIFE THROWING. Jojo and Yorki stand around with a group of
about 8 boys throwing their DJ knives from 10 FEET into a tree.
None of the knives stick, instead they fly off at dangerous
angles, one deflecting and lodging itself in another kid’s
THIGH.


- GUN RANGE. Jojo stands, trying with all his might to aim a
KARABINER 98K RIFLE at a target in the distance. He fires and,
jumping from the loudness of the shot, drops the rifle.

- Inside the Hall, a group of girls attempt to dress fake wounds
on each other while in the background Sub-officer Finkel shows
other girls a sanitized and tame version of childbirth with an
anatomically INCORRECT diagram of a BABY inside a girl’s
stomach. It’s smiling.

FINKEL
Then a happy baby comes out. Yay!

- WAR GAME. The boys are separated into 2 groups, one side
wearing RED SASHES and the other GREEN. They chase each other
round a clearing, pushing each other over and taking prisoners
etc. Jojo and Yorki are taken prisoner instantly. An older boy
watches them and shakes his head disapprovingly.
Genres: ["Drama","War"]

Summary In a Hitlerjugend camp set in the woods, Jojo and his friend Yorki, along with other children, enthusiastically participate in military training under the guidance of Captain Klenzendorf and Sub-Officer Finkel. The boys engage in clumsy activities like knife throwing and rifle shooting, highlighting the absurdity of their situation amidst the serious militaristic environment. Jojo's budding interest in a girl named Gudrun adds a touch of innocence to the chaos. The scene blends dark humor with the children's innocence, culminating in a montage that showcases their reckless behavior and the ridiculousness of their training.
Strengths
  • Effective portrayal of indoctrination
  • Authentic setting and atmosphere
  • Strong character interactions
Weaknesses
  • Potential for controversial themes
  • Limited character development in this scene

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively sets the tone for the indoctrination and training of young children in the Hitler Youth, blending enthusiasm with dark undertones. It introduces key characters and themes while moving the plot forward.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of showcasing the indoctrination and training of young children in the Hitler Youth is compelling and thought-provoking. It delves into the dark realities of Nazi ideology and the impact on youth.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene focuses on the initiation of Jojo and Yorki into the Hitler Youth training camp, setting up their journey and the challenges they will face. It establishes key conflicts and themes of the story.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh and unique take on the portrayal of Nazi indoctrination, balancing dark humor with serious themes. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and impactful.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters in the scene, especially Jojo, Yorki, Captain Klenzendorf, and Sub-Officer Finkel, are well-defined and serve their roles effectively. Their interactions and reactions add depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 7

While there are subtle changes in the characters' perceptions and experiences, the scene primarily focuses on their introduction to the training camp. The real character development is yet to come.

Internal Goal: 8

Jojo's internal goal is to navigate the indoctrination and training at the camp while maintaining his own beliefs and values.

External Goal: 7

Jojo's external goal is to successfully complete the training activities and prove himself as a member of the Hitlerjugend.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The scene introduces conflicts between the characters, the expectations of the training camp, and the dark reality of the Nazi regime. It sets up internal and external conflicts that will drive the story forward.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene comes from the conflicting ideologies and the challenges Jojo faces in maintaining his own beliefs in the face of Nazi indoctrination.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in the scene as the young boys are initiated into the Hitler Youth training camp, facing challenges, expectations, and the dark reality of the Nazi regime. The consequences of their actions are significant.

Story Forward: 8

The scene effectively moves the story forward by establishing the setting, introducing key characters, and setting up conflicts and themes. It lays the groundwork for the narrative to unfold.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected humor, dark themes, and the contrast between the children's innocence and the harsh reality of the training camp.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict is between the Nazi ideology being taught at the camp and Jojo's own moral compass, as he is exposed to the harsh realities of war and violence.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from excitement and patriotism to disappointment and unease. It sets up a complex emotional landscape that will resonate with the audience.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue in the scene is impactful, reflecting the indoctrination and enthusiasm of the young boys, as well as the authoritarian tone of the officers. It effectively conveys the themes and conflicts of the story.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its dark humor, tension, and exploration of complex themes. The training activities and interactions between characters keep the audience invested.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and highlights the absurdity of the training activities, keeping the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene descriptions, character actions, and dialogue.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure, introducing the setting, characters, and conflicts effectively. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the scene's effectiveness.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the absurdity and dark humor of the Hitlerjugend training camp, showcasing the innocence of the children juxtaposed with the sinister nature of their indoctrination. However, the dialogue could benefit from more distinct character voices to differentiate Jojo, Yorki, and the other children, making their personalities more pronounced.
  • The use of montage is a strong choice, as it allows for a rapid-fire exploration of the training activities, emphasizing the chaotic and dangerous environment. However, the montage could be enhanced by incorporating more visual gags or comedic moments that highlight the children's ineptitude, which would further emphasize the absurdity of the situation.
  • While the scene does a good job of establishing the setting and the characters' motivations, it could delve deeper into Jojo's internal conflict. Adding a moment where Jojo reflects on the activities or expresses doubt about the training could provide a more nuanced portrayal of his character and set up future conflicts.
  • The humor in the scene is effective, particularly with the lines from Klenzendorf and Finkel. However, some of the jokes could be sharpened or made more subtle to avoid feeling too on-the-nose. For instance, the line about the girls learning how to get pregnant could be rephrased to maintain the humor while also being less overtly crass.
  • The transition from the enthusiastic training to the darker undertones of the activities could be more pronounced. While the montage captures the chaos, a moment of silence or a contrasting visual could serve to remind the audience of the gravity of the situation, enhancing the emotional impact.
Suggestions
  • Consider giving each child a unique trait or catchphrase that reflects their personality, making it easier for the audience to connect with them and differentiate between characters.
  • Incorporate more physical comedy during the training montage, such as exaggerated fails or mishaps that highlight the children's inexperience and innocence, adding layers to the humor.
  • Add a brief moment where Jojo hesitates or questions the activities, perhaps through a silent reaction shot, to foreshadow his internal conflict and growth throughout the story.
  • Refine some of the humor to be more subtle, allowing the absurdity of the situation to speak for itself rather than relying on overtly comedic lines.
  • Enhance the transition between the excitement of the training and the underlying darkness by including a moment of reflection or a contrasting visual element that reminds the audience of the historical context.



Scene 4 -  The Bonfire of Innocence
INT. WOODS - GROUP CIRCLE - DUSK

Jojo sits in a group of boys and girls. One by one, sometimes
overlapping the children call out.

CHILDREN
Horns. Serpent tongue. Fangs.
Green blood. Claws.

Cut to their teacher, FRAULEIN RAHM, who proudly writes the
children’s words, along with others, on a blackboard. Above them
is the heading: THE JEW. Finkel stands nearby, observing and
taking notes.

FRAULEIN RAHM
Fantastisch! Excellent work children.
You also forgot that the Jew is the
offspring of Satan and sucks the blood
of Christian children for their
mitzvah.

Horrified gasps from the children. Finkel nods.

FRAULEIN RAHM (CONT’D)
By the time the inferior race catches
up to where we are today, we’ll be way
up here.

Rahm sketches a mountain with chalk. She draws a peak too steep
to be stable. The top of the peak is all skinny and wobbly.


FRAULEIN RAHM (CONT’D)
It has been scientifically proven that
we Aryans are 1000 times more advanced
and civilised than any other race.

Gasps and applause from the children. Fraulein Rahm smiles.

FRAULEIN RAHM (CONT’D)
Now, get your things together, it’s
time to burn some books!

CHILDREN
Yayyyy!!!

They gather together and move towards another area where a LARGE
BONFIRE burns. The children hold stacks of books. Jojo opens his
bag and pulls out a small pile.

YORKI
Is that it? Only 4 books?

JOJO
It’s all I could find on the list.
(reading the authors)
Kafka... Brecht... Hesse... Burn you
losers.

He throws them into the fire, Yorki follows suit. The books land
among other burning authors, FREUD, LESSING, MANN, PROUST,
HEMINGWAY, REMARQUE.

SLOW MOTION as the children all dance round the bonfire,
throwing books into the inferno.
Genres: ["Drama","Historical"]

Summary In a dusky woods, Jojo and his peers engage in a disturbing lesson led by Fraulein Rahm, who instills hateful ideologies about 'The Jew' and promotes Aryan superiority. The children enthusiastically participate in a book burning, tossing notable authors' works into a bonfire while celebrating their actions. Jojo, though reluctant, joins his friend Yorki in the destruction, as Finkel observes approvingly. The scene contrasts the children's innocent excitement with the dark nature of their indoctrination, culminating in a chilling celebration of destruction.
Strengths
  • Effective portrayal of indoctrination tactics
  • Strong performances from child actors
  • Visceral depiction of book burning ceremony
Weaknesses
  • Potentially disturbing content for some audiences

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys the chilling indoctrination tactics used by the Nazi regime, creating a sense of unease and highlighting the manipulation of young minds through propaganda.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of indoctrinating children into Nazi ideology through propaganda and book burning is powerful and effectively portrayed in the scene.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene focuses on the indoctrination of the children and the manipulation of information, effectively setting up the themes of the screenplay.

Originality: 9

The scene is highly original in its depiction of indoctrination and censorship through the lens of children's innocence and cruelty. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and disturbing.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters in the scene, particularly Fraulein Rahm and the children, effectively convey the indoctrination process and the impact of propaganda on young minds.

Character Changes: 7

While there are subtle shifts in the children's beliefs and attitudes, the scene primarily focuses on the indoctrination process rather than significant character changes.

Internal Goal: 8

Jojo's internal goal is to fit in and please the authority figures in the camp, reflecting his fear of being an outcast or punished for not conforming to the group's beliefs.

External Goal: 9

Jojo's external goal is to participate in the book burning ceremony to show loyalty to the Nazi ideology and avoid being singled out as a dissenter.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, as the children grapple with the indoctrination they are being subjected to, adding depth to their characters.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the children's indoctrination and the pressure to conform to Nazi ideology creating conflict and tension for the protagonist.

High Stakes: 8

The high stakes in the scene are the manipulation and indoctrination of young minds, highlighting the dangers of propaganda and the impact of Nazi ideology.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by establishing the indoctrination of the children and setting up the larger themes and conflicts of the screenplay.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected actions and dialogue of the characters, as well as the dark humor and irony that subvert audience expectations.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict is evident in the scene between the Nazi ideology of racial superiority and hatred towards Jews, and the humanistic values of tolerance, freedom of expression, and intellectual curiosity represented by the books being burned.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene has a strong emotional impact, evoking feelings of unease and discomfort as the children are manipulated and the books are burned, effectively conveying the horrors of Nazi ideology.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the indoctrination tactics used by the adults to manipulate the children, adding to the dark and disturbing tone of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its provocative subject matter, sharp dialogue, and dramatic tension. The conflict and stakes are high, keeping the audience invested in the characters' actions.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, leading to a climactic moment of book burning that highlights the characters' internal and external conflicts.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, effectively building tension and conflict through dialogue and actions.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the indoctrination of children through the grotesque and absurd descriptions they provide about Jews. This highlights the dark humor and irony that permeates the screenplay, showcasing the innocence of the children juxtaposed with the horrific ideologies they are being taught.
  • Fraulein Rahm's character is well-defined as a zealous teacher, and her dialogue is chillingly effective in conveying the absurdity and horror of the propaganda. However, her motivations could be further explored to add depth to her character. Why does she believe so fervently in these ideologies? A hint of her backstory could enhance her role.
  • The use of visual elements, such as the blackboard and the bonfire, is powerful. The imagery of children dancing around a fire while burning books is a stark representation of the destruction of knowledge and culture. However, the transition from the classroom to the bonfire could be smoother to maintain the flow of the scene.
  • The dialogue among the children is repetitive, which serves to emphasize their indoctrination, but it could benefit from more variation. Including different reactions or questions from the children could add layers to their characters and make the scene feel more dynamic.
  • The pacing of the scene is effective, building tension as the children move towards the bonfire. However, the slow-motion effect during the bonfire scene could be more impactful if used sparingly. It risks losing its emotional weight if overused, so consider limiting its application to key moments.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of hesitation or confusion among the children before they enthusiastically agree to burn the books. This could highlight their internal conflict and innocence, making the indoctrination feel even more tragic.
  • Introduce a contrasting character among the children who questions the teachings or expresses doubt. This could create a more dynamic interaction and provide a counterpoint to the overwhelming enthusiasm of the others.
  • Enhance Fraulein Rahm's character by including a line or two that hints at her personal motivations or background. This could make her more relatable or even more chilling, depending on the direction you want to take.
  • Revise the dialogue to include more varied responses from the children. Some could express excitement, while others might show confusion or fear, adding depth to their characters and the scene as a whole.
  • Consider using a more gradual transition from the classroom to the bonfire, perhaps by showing the children's reactions as they gather the books. This could build anticipation and make the eventual celebration of destruction feel more impactful.



Scene 5 -  Under the Stars: A Darkly Humorous Bond
EXT. WOODS - NIGHT

Jojo and Yorki lie awake in sleeping bags under the night sky
inspecting their new DJ KNIVES.

JOJO
Imagine being in a battle, you’ve just
run out of ammo, all you have is your
DJ Knife. I would take down 20 of them
before they got me. And I’d be
laughing when they did.

YORKI
I don’t like that situation. I don’t
want to die at all.

JOJO
Live Faithfully, Fight Bravely, and
Die Laughing... that’s the motto.


YORKI
I know but I wouldn’t be laughing. I’d
probably be screaming.

JOJO
Then I’m afraid you might not be cut
out for Hitler’s personal guard. It’s
really hard to get chosen y’know. You
need to have perfect vision, perfect
teeth and you’re not allowed one ounce
of fat.

YORKI
(prodding his chubbiness)
Hey, Jews sound scary, huh?

JOJO
Yeah, I didn’t know they stole the
white skins of Aryans so they could
blend in. Savages!

YORKI
Me neither. Thankfully most got sent
back to their caves so it’s not likely
that we’ll see a real one.

JOJO
If I did I’d kill it like that.

He snaps his fingers.

YORKI
But how would you know if you saw one?
They can look just like us.

JOJO
Oh I’d know. I’d feel it’s head for
horns. And they smell like Brussel
Sprouts.

YORKI
Oh yeah, I forgot about the Brussel
Sprouts bit.

JOJO
Imagine catching one and giving it to
Hitler. That’d be a sure-fire way to
get into his personal guard.

YORKI
He’d be so impressed.

JOJO
Then we would become best friends.


YORKI
I thought I was your best friend.

JOJO
You’re my second best friend. First
place is reserved for someone really
special - like the Führer. He, and
only he can have that spot, so unless
you’re Hitler hiding in a fat little
boy’s body I’d be happy with 2nd
place.

YORKI
I’m just a kid.

JOJO
Case closed.

Jojo rolls over and stares at the sky.

JOJO (CONT’D)
(whispering)
Night papa, I hope you come home soon.
Night Inga, I hope you’re happy up
there.

A rustling noise can be heard, Jojo turns his head to see Yorki
doing sit-ups, gasping for air and prodding his tubby belly.
Genres: ["Drama","War"]

Summary In a dark, wooded area under a starry sky, Jojo and Yorki lie in sleeping bags, playfully discussing their new DJ knives and imagining battle scenarios. Jojo boasts about his combat skills while Yorki expresses his fear of death. Their conversation takes a humorous turn as they joke about absurd beliefs regarding Jews and Hitler, with Jojo ranking Hitler as his first best friend. The scene captures their contrasting views on war through playful banter, ending with Jojo whispering a message to his family while Yorki attempts comical sit-ups.
Strengths
  • Effective portrayal of indoctrination
  • Strong character development
  • Emotional impact
Weaknesses
  • Potentially controversial subject matter
  • Lack of overt conflict

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively captures the unsettling nature of the indoctrination of young children into hateful ideologies, blending innocence with darkness in a thought-provoking way.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of exploring the indoctrination of children into Nazi ideologies is powerful and thought-provoking. The scene effectively conveys the dangers of such indoctrination and the impact it has on young minds.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene focuses on the children's participation in the Hitlerjugend camp and the disturbing lessons they receive. It effectively sets up the conflict and themes of the screenplay.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh and original take on the subject matter of Nazi Germany, combining humor with serious themes in a unique way. The characters' dialogue feels authentic and adds depth to the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters of Jojo and Yorki are well-developed, showcasing their innocence, naivety, and the influence of the ideologies they are exposed to. Their interactions and dialogue reveal their beliefs and aspirations.

Character Changes: 7

While there is not a significant character change in this scene, the exposure to the indoctrination sets the stage for potential growth or conflict in the characters as the story progresses.

Internal Goal: 8

Jojo's internal goal in this scene is to prove his bravery and loyalty to the Nazi ideology. His desire to be chosen for Hitler's personal guard reflects his need for validation and acceptance.

External Goal: 7

Jojo's external goal in this scene is to impress Yorki with his bravery and loyalty to Hitler. He wants to show that he is willing to do whatever it takes to be chosen for Hitler's personal guard.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict in the scene is more subtle, focusing on the internal conflict within the children as they grapple with the teachings they receive. The tension arises from the juxtaposition of innocence and darkness.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting beliefs and values between the characters. The audience is left unsure of how the conflict will be resolved, adding to the tension of the scene.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in terms of the impact of indoctrination on young minds and the potential consequences of embracing hateful ideologies. The scene sets up the dangers and risks faced by the characters.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by establishing the setting, themes, and conflicts that will shape the narrative. It sets the stage for the development of the characters and the unfolding of the plot.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in the characters' dialogue and actions. The dark humor adds an element of surprise and tension to the scene.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between Jojo's blind loyalty to Hitler and the reality of the atrocities committed by the Nazi regime. This challenges Jojo's beliefs and values, as he is forced to confront the true nature of the regime he idolizes.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene evokes a strong emotional response, blending innocence with disturbing themes to create a sense of unease and sadness. The impact of the indoctrination on the children is palpable.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the children's innocence and the dark ideologies they are being taught. It adds depth to the characters and highlights the contrast between their beliefs and reality.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its blend of humor and tension, as well as the dynamic between the characters. The dialogue is sharp and compelling, drawing the audience into the scene.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and suspense, with well-timed dialogue and character interactions. The rhythm of the scene adds to its overall effectiveness.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions. The dialogue is well-paced and engaging, adding to the overall effectiveness of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure and format, with well-defined character interactions and dialogue. It effectively conveys the tension and conflict between the characters.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the innocence and naivety of Jojo and Yorki, contrasting their childlike banter with the dark ideologies they have been indoctrinated with. This juxtaposition is a strong point, as it highlights the absurdity of their beliefs in a humorous yet unsettling way.
  • The dialogue flows naturally and feels authentic for the ages of the characters. Jojo's bravado and Yorki's apprehension create a dynamic that is relatable and engaging. However, some of the jokes about Jews, while intended to showcase their ignorance, may come off as insensitive or too on-the-nose for some audiences. The humor should be carefully balanced to avoid alienating viewers.
  • The transition from the previous scene, which ends on a dark note with the children burning books, to this lighter moment in the woods is jarring. While it serves to show the children's innocence, it might benefit from a more gradual tonal shift to maintain narrative cohesion.
  • Jojo's character is well-defined through his bravado and misguided beliefs, but Yorki's character could be further developed. While he serves as a foil to Jojo, giving him a more distinct personality or backstory could enhance their friendship and make the scene more impactful.
  • The ending, with Jojo whispering to his father and sister, adds an emotional depth that contrasts with the earlier banter. However, it feels slightly abrupt. A more gradual build-up to this moment could enhance its emotional weight, perhaps by incorporating a brief moment of silence or reflection before Jojo speaks.
Suggestions
  • Consider softening some of the more insensitive jokes about Jews to ensure the humor remains accessible without crossing into offensive territory. This could involve focusing more on the absurdity of their misconceptions rather than making direct jokes about Jewish people.
  • Introduce a moment of reflection or a brief pause after the humorous exchanges to allow the audience to digest the contrast between their innocent banter and the dark realities of their beliefs. This could enhance the emotional impact of Jojo's final lines.
  • Develop Yorki's character further by giving him a unique perspective or a personal anecdote that contrasts with Jojo's bravado. This could add depth to their friendship and make the dialogue feel more balanced.
  • To create a smoother transition from the previous scene, consider adding a brief moment that acknowledges the weight of the book burning before shifting to the lightheartedness of the woods. This could be a fleeting thought from Jojo or a shared glance between the boys that hints at their internal conflict.
  • Enhance the emotional resonance of Jojo's final lines by incorporating a visual element, such as a close-up of his face or a lingering shot of the night sky, to emphasize his longing for his family and the weight of his situation.



Scene 6 -  The Weight of Conformity
EXT. WOODS - TRAINING GROUND - MORNING

Jojo sits with a bunch of other kids. Two team leaders,
CHRISTOPH and HANS, (17) smoke cigarettes and hold court.

HANS
When you stand before a Roast Beef-man
and have to end his life, which of you
will have the stomach for it?

Everyone raises their hands. Jojo too, although a little slow.

HANS (CONT’D)
There is no room in Hitler’s army for
scared little girls and those who lack
strength. We want hardened warriors
who are prepared to kill at will. Can
you do that?

CHRISTOPH
Johannes? Can you kill?

JOJO
Pff, of course. I love killing.


A few murmurs and nervous “Me too”s from the other children.

CHRISTOPH
Good...

Christoph uncovers a small cage nearby - it is filled with
little rabbits. Christoph takes a bunny from the cage and
holding it by its ears, hands it to Jojo.

CHRISTOPH (CONT’D)
Kill it.

JOJO
Hmm?

CHRISTOPH
Wring its neck. Kill the rabbit.

JOJO
Oh, I’m ok. I might do it later.

CHRISTOPH
No later, NOW. Or are you scared?

JOJO
No, I’m not scared. I just... I’m
allergic to fur and I don’t want itchy
hands for the rest of the weekend.

HANS
Itchy hands? Kill the damn rabbit and
be a soldier Jojo!

JOJO
I thought soldiers killed people, not
bunnies.

HANS
You must show you have an iron stomach
to undertake the work of eradicating
the parasite.

Hans hands it to shocked Jojo who takes the bunny.

HANS (CONT’D)
Place both hands around it’s neck and
then one hard, twist, sometimes two,
he might scream but drop him and we’ll
use the boot to finish it off.

Jojo shaking, holds the bunny and looks at it directly in the
eye. He gulps. The boys start to chant.


HITLERJUGEND
Kill, Kill, Kill, Kill.

Jojo looks over at Yorki who is frozen. He turns back to face
the woods away from the group. He leans down. The boys are like
baying excited wolves. They crouch in around Jojo as he leans
down. He DROPS the bunny but it doesn’t run. Christoph takes the
rabbit and snaps its neck. Shocked gasps and a few squeaks of
horror from the other kids.

CHRISTOPH
Coward. Just like your father.

JOJO
He’s not a coward, he’s in Italy.

CHRISTOPH
No one has heard from him in 2 years.
He’s a deserting coward just like you.

HANS
Yes, he’s a deserter.

JOJO
No, he doesn’t do that, he fights.

CHRISTOPH
You’re as scared as a rabbit.

He places a boot on Jojo’s head and kicks him to the ground.
Hans places a boot on his neck.

HANS
Scared little rabbit. Maybe we should
snap your neck.

KID
Rabbit. Coward.

ANOTHER KID
Jojo rabbit.

The rest of the kids taunt Jojo. He stands and runs into the
woods, laughter following close behind.
Genres: ["Drama","War"]

Summary In a wooded training ground, Jojo and other children are pressured by leaders Christoph and Hans to kill a rabbit as a test of toughness. Despite initially boasting about his love for killing, Jojo hesitates and ultimately drops the rabbit, facing ridicule and bullying from his peers. Christoph brutally kills the rabbit, further humiliating Jojo by comparing him to his cowardly father. The scene highlights Jojo's internal struggle between fitting in and his moral values, culminating in his retreat into the woods, chased by the laughter and taunts of the other boys.
Strengths
  • Intense atmosphere
  • Powerful themes
  • Strong character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Disturbing content may be triggering for some audiences

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys the harsh reality of the indoctrination process and the pressure faced by the young protagonist, creating a tense and disturbing atmosphere that leaves a lasting impact on the audience.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of exploring the indoctrination of young children into Nazi ideology is powerful and thought-provoking. The scene effectively conveys the consequences of resistance and the brutal expectations placed on the children.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene focuses on the intense training and peer pressure faced by the young protagonist, showcasing the internal conflict and external challenges he must navigate. The escalation of tension drives the narrative forward.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh and unsettling portrayal of the indoctrination of young children into Nazi ideology. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and provide a unique perspective on the psychological impact of wartime propaganda.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters in the scene, especially Jojo, are well-developed and their internal struggles are effectively portrayed. The peer dynamics and the pressure to conform add depth to the character interactions.

Character Changes: 8

Jojo experiences a significant internal conflict and faces the consequences of resistance, showcasing a subtle but impactful character change. The pressure and taunting from the older boys challenge his beliefs and actions.

Internal Goal: 8

Jojo's internal goal in this scene is to prove his bravery and loyalty to the Nazi cause, despite his reservations and moral qualms about killing. His desire to fit in and be accepted by his peers drives his actions.

External Goal: 7

Jojo's external goal in this scene is to successfully kill the rabbit as a test of his readiness to be a soldier. This goal reflects the immediate challenge he faces in the training ground and his need to prove himself to his superiors.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is intense, both internally within Jojo and externally with the pressure from the older boys. The moral dilemma of killing the rabbit and the consequences of resistance create a high level of conflict.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Jojo facing intense pressure to conform to Nazi ideology and prove his loyalty through violent actions. The audience is left uncertain about Jojo's choices and the consequences of his decisions.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes in the scene are high, as Jojo must navigate the brutal expectations of the Hitler Youth camp and the consequences of resistance. The pressure to conform and the threat of punishment raise the stakes significantly.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by deepening the audience's understanding of the indoctrination process and the challenges faced by the young characters. It sets up future conflicts and character development.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists and turns in Jojo's internal struggle and the escalating tension between the characters. The audience is kept on edge as they witness Jojo's moral dilemma unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between Jojo's innate morality and the brutal indoctrination of Nazi ideology. Jojo struggles with the idea of killing innocent creatures and the pressure to conform to a violent worldview.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking feelings of shock, tension, and empathy for the young protagonist. The brutal indoctrination and peer pressure create a sense of unease and discomfort.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the indoctrination process and the peer pressure faced by the characters. The taunting and pressure from the older boys add to the tension of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense emotional conflict, vivid imagery, and compelling character dynamics. The tension and suspense keep the audience invested in Jojo's journey and the moral dilemmas he faces.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotional stakes, keeping the audience engaged in Jojo's internal struggle and the escalating conflict with his peers. The rhythm of the dialogue and action sequences enhances the scene's impact.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings, dialogue formatting, and descriptive elements that enhance the visual and emotional impact of the narrative.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear and engaging structure that effectively builds tension and emotional stakes. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness in conveying the internal and external conflicts faced by the characters.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the dark humor and absurdity of the children's indoctrination, showcasing their naivety in the face of horrific expectations. However, the dialogue could benefit from more varied emotional beats to enhance the tension and stakes of the moment. Jojo's internal conflict about killing the rabbit is a crucial element that could be explored further, allowing for a deeper emotional connection with the audience.
  • The characterization of Jojo is strong, but the scene could delve deeper into his psyche. His bravado about loving killing contrasts sharply with his hesitation, which is a rich area for exploration. Adding internal monologue or visual cues that reflect his turmoil could heighten the emotional impact.
  • The use of the rabbit as a symbol is powerful, but the scene could benefit from a more explicit connection between the act of killing the rabbit and the larger themes of the film, such as the loss of innocence and the moral implications of indoctrination. This could be achieved through Jojo's reflections or reactions to the act, making it more than just a moment of peer pressure.
  • The pacing of the scene feels rushed, particularly in the transition from Jojo's bravado to his eventual refusal to kill the rabbit. Slowing down the moment when Jojo is handed the rabbit could build tension and allow the audience to feel the weight of the situation more acutely. This could involve lingering on Jojo's facial expressions and the reactions of the other children.
  • The taunting from Christoph and the other boys is effective in establishing the peer pressure dynamic, but it could be more nuanced. Instead of simply labeling Jojo a coward, the dialogue could incorporate more creative insults that reflect their indoctrination, adding layers to their cruelty and making the scene more impactful.
Suggestions
  • Incorporate Jojo's internal thoughts or feelings as he grapples with the decision to kill the rabbit, perhaps through voiceover or visual flashbacks that highlight his innocence and the conflict between his upbringing and his moral compass.
  • Consider adding a moment where Jojo reflects on the rabbit's life before he is pressured to kill it, perhaps recalling a fond memory or a lesson about compassion, which would deepen the emotional stakes of the scene.
  • Enhance the tension by slowing down the moment when Jojo is handed the rabbit, allowing the audience to feel the weight of the decision and the pressure from his peers. This could involve close-ups on Jojo's face and the reactions of the other boys.
  • Revise the dialogue to include more creative and thematic insults from Christoph and the other boys, reflecting their indoctrination and making their taunts more impactful and memorable.
  • Explore the aftermath of the scene more thoroughly. After Jojo runs away, consider showing his emotional state in a subsequent moment, perhaps through a quiet reflection or a conversation with Yorki that reveals his internal struggle.



Scene 7 -  Embracing the Rabbit Within
EXT. WOODS - DAY

Jojo sits alone on a log, sobbing to himself. He looks up to see
a little BUTTERFLY flitting around by his feet... and then a
voice comes from behind.

VOICE (O.S.)
Poor Jojo, what is wrong?


Jojo turns around, it is none other than his fantasy friend,
ADOLF HITLER. Jojo brightens at the sight of his hero.

JOJO
Hi Adolf.

Adolf takes a seat. This is not the Adolf we know and hate, this
guy is goofy, charming, and glides through life with a child-
like naivety; a real dork.

ADOLF
Why so down in the dumps little man? A
strong boy like yourself shouldn’t be
sad, you should be happy like a cloud!
Clouds don’t care about anything!

JOJO
The other kids called me a coward. And
my papa, they say he makes desserts
instead of fighting. But I know he’s
still fighting, for you, for me, and
for Germany.

ADOLF
Oh, of course he is! And he is also
making nice desserts, nothing wrong
with that. My God, his custard tarts
are the only thing keeping up morale
at the front.

JOJO
Do you think he can come home soon?
Just for a quick visit?

ADOLF
Well, I kinda need him for those
special missions and whatnot. And the
desserts are also an important factor.

JOJO
Really?

ADOLF
Mm-hm. He’s one of my top men. Now,
want to tell me about the rabbit
incident? What was that all about?

JOJO
They wanted me to kill it. I’m sorry.

ADOLF
Meh, don’t worry about it. I couldn’t
care less. I’m a cloud.


JOJO
But now they call me a scared rabbit.

ADOLF
Well you want to know something?
(off Jojo’s nod)
Just because they’re small and
delightfully cute doesn’t mean rabbits
are cowards. The rabbit faces a
dangerous world everyday, hunting
carrots for his family... for his
country. Forget those boys. They have
their place and so do you. My empire
will be made up of all animals,
eagles, lions, elephants and even
rabbits.

Hitler lights a cigarette, offers Jojo a drag.

JOJO
No thanks, I don’t sm--

ADOLF
But not those Egyptian horses with
bumpy-backs. I don’t trust them.

JOJO
You mean camels?

ADOLF
(laughing, condescending)
Errm, I don’t think they’re called
that.
(beat)
Remember this good advice Jojo, be the
rabbit. The bunny can outwit all his
enemies!

He winks at Jojo who tries to wink back but still can only
manage a weird double wink-blink. Adolf kicks a defenceless
stick.

ADOLF (CONT’D)
“Camels”, ha!
(aside)
What’s in those bumps I wonder? Gold?
More humps? Baby Camels? I guess we’ll
never know their secrets!

JOJO
(to himself)
Be the Rabbit...
Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

Summary In a serene wooded area, Jojo sits on a log, feeling sad and alone. His imaginary friend, Adolf Hitler, appears in a cheerful and goofy manner, encouraging Jojo to find happiness. Jojo shares his feelings of cowardice and worries about his father's role in the war. Adolf reassures him about his father's contributions and discusses bravery, leading to a light-hearted conversation about the importance of all animals, including rabbits. Despite declining a cigarette offered by Adolf, Jojo finds comfort in the whimsical advice to 'be the rabbit,' reflecting on his identity and potential growth.
Strengths
  • Unique portrayal of Adolf Hitler
  • Emotional depth
  • Witty dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Potential controversial portrayal of historical figure

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively balances humor and heart, providing a poignant moment of reflection for the protagonist while introducing a unique and imaginative portrayal of Adolf Hitler. The dialogue is witty and engaging, capturing the innocence and vulnerability of the young characters.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of having a child's fantasy version of Adolf Hitler as a supportive and humorous character is innovative and thought-provoking. It challenges traditional perceptions of historical figures and explores complex themes in a unique and compelling way.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene focuses on Jojo's emotional journey and inner conflict, providing a pivotal moment of growth and self-discovery. The interaction with the fantasy Hitler character drives the narrative forward and deepens the protagonist's character arc.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh and original take on the portrayal of Adolf Hitler, presenting him as a comedic and charming character rather than a villain. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters in the scene are well-developed and engaging, with Jojo's vulnerability and innocence contrasting with the whimsical portrayal of Adolf Hitler. The dynamic between the two characters adds depth and complexity to the scene, enhancing the emotional impact.

Character Changes: 8

Jojo undergoes a significant emotional change in the scene, moving from a place of insecurity and self-doubt to a moment of self-acceptance and empowerment. The interaction with the fantasy Hitler character serves as a catalyst for Jojo's growth and development.

Internal Goal: 8

Jojo's internal goal is to find courage and confidence in himself, despite feeling insecure and bullied by his peers. This reflects his deeper need for acceptance and validation.

External Goal: 7.5

Jojo's external goal is to navigate his relationships with his peers and family, particularly in the context of his father's absence and his own struggles with bravery.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, focusing on Jojo's struggle with his identity and beliefs. The tension between Jojo's desire to please others and his own moral compass drives the emotional core of the scene.

Opposition: 7.5

The opposition in the scene is strong, as Jojo faces internal and external challenges that test his courage and beliefs.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes in the scene are primarily emotional and psychological, focusing on Jojo's internal conflict and growth. The outcome of Jojo's interaction with the fantasy Hitler character has significant implications for his character development and moral journey.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by deepening the protagonist's character arc and providing insight into his inner thoughts and struggles. It sets the stage for future conflicts and resolutions, driving the narrative towards a more complex and nuanced exploration of the themes.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected portrayal of Adolf Hitler as a comedic and charming character, challenging the audience's preconceived notions.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the juxtaposition of innocence and naivety with the darker realities of war and societal expectations. Adolf's portrayal as a goofy and charming character challenges Jojo's beliefs about heroism and courage.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene has a strong emotional impact, eliciting feelings of compassion, nostalgia, and hope. The poignant moments of reflection and growth for the protagonist resonate with the audience, creating a sense of empathy and connection.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene is witty, heartfelt, and reflective, capturing the essence of the characters and their relationships. The banter between Jojo and the fantasy Hitler character is engaging and adds humor and depth to the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the dynamic interaction between Jojo and Adolf, as well as the blend of humor and deeper themes that keep the audience invested in the characters' journey.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotional depth, enhancing the impact of Jojo's internal struggles and interactions with Adolf.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and easy to follow, adhering to the expected format for its genre.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows a traditional format for character interaction and dialogue, effectively conveying the emotional depth of the characters.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the absurdity of Jojo's situation by juxtaposing his emotional turmoil with the whimsical and goofy persona of his imaginary friend, Adolf Hitler. This contrast highlights the dark humor that permeates the screenplay, allowing the audience to engage with the serious themes in a more palatable way.
  • Jojo's internal conflict is well-expressed through his dialogue with Adolf, particularly his feelings of cowardice and his desire for his father's approval. However, the scene could benefit from deeper exploration of Jojo's emotional state. While he expresses sadness, the dialogue could include more specific examples of how the bullying has affected him, making his vulnerability more relatable.
  • Adolf's character is portrayed in a light-hearted manner, which works well for the tone of the scene. However, the dialogue could be sharpened to enhance the comedic elements. Some lines feel a bit too on-the-nose or lack the punch that could elevate the humor. For instance, the exchange about camels could be more absurd or surreal to better fit the whimsical nature of Adolf's character.
  • The visual imagery of the butterfly serves as a nice metaphor for innocence and fragility, but it could be more explicitly tied to Jojo's emotional journey. Perhaps Jojo could interact with the butterfly in a way that symbolizes his desire for freedom or escape from the harsh realities of his environment.
  • The ending line, 'Be the Rabbit...', is a strong conclusion that encapsulates the absurdity of the advice given by Adolf. However, it might be more impactful if Jojo's reaction to this advice is more pronounced. A moment of reflection or a physical action, like him looking at the butterfly again, could reinforce the significance of this moment.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more specific examples of Jojo's feelings of cowardice and how the bullying has impacted him. This could deepen the emotional resonance of the scene.
  • Enhance the comedic elements of Adolf's dialogue by making it more absurd or surreal. This could involve more playful wordplay or unexpected twists in the conversation.
  • Strengthen the metaphor of the butterfly by having Jojo interact with it in a way that reflects his emotional state, perhaps by trying to catch it or watching it fly away as a symbol of his longing for freedom.
  • Add a moment of reflection or a physical action from Jojo after Adolf gives him the advice to 'be the rabbit.' This could help emphasize the significance of the advice and Jojo's internal struggle.
  • Consider tightening the pacing of the dialogue to maintain a brisk and engaging rhythm, ensuring that the humor lands effectively without feeling drawn out.



Scene 8 -  Jojo's Reckless Leap
EXT. WOODS - TRAINING GROUND - DAY

The older boys are getting instructions from Captain Klenzendorf
on throwing hand-grenades. They stand around within a sort of
trench set-up. The young kids sit back, behind the trench at a
safe distance. Finkel stands nervously to the side, sort of
hiding behind Klenzendorf.

KLENZENDORF
Now lads, the hand-grenade is one of
the most effective weapons in the
German army. It can blow off a leg,
maybe 2 legs, definitely a head. It is
very dangerous. Just quietly, I prefer
the rounder, egg-shaped version used
by the British and Americans. I dunno,
it just seems silly that our ones look
like sticks.

FINKEL
Sticks... pff.

He continues talking in the background as Jojo approaches the
young kids and sidles up next to Yorki.

YORKI
Are you alright Jojo?

JOJO
Absolutely, I was just doing some push-
ups for my muscles.

YORKI
I thought you were crying.

JOJO
Nope. Push-ups.
(flexing his tiny arm )
And don’t just assume that because
water comes from someone’s eyes that
they are crying, okay? Are you a tear-
drop specialist?

YORKI
No.

JOJO
Case closed. Now, Yorki Dorky, it’s
time for Jojo to show these big pip-
squeaks who is a coward. I mean, NOT a
coward - me. You’ll see what I mean.

He takes a deep breath and scurries off into the bushes.


YORKI
(loud whisper)
Jojo! Where are you going? Don’t you
want to watch the hand-grenades?

We are back with the older group.

KLENZENDORF
Now you little kids stay all the way
over there and watch the action.
(to the older kids)
Each of you will be given the
opportunity to arm and throw a
grenade. ONE AT A TIME. I will
personally be supervising each--

Suddenly, in a flurry of noise and action, Jojo bursts out of
the bushes and onto the scene.

JOJO
Jojo rabbit! Jojo rabbit! Hunting
carrots, Jojo rabbit!

He runs past the boys, grabs one of the GRENADES from the open
box and darts out, over the top of the trench and into the HOT
ZONE - a wooded area stretching out before the group.

KLENZENDORF
You! Get back here with that!!!

But Jojo is off, he runs from the group. Adolf Hitler runs
beside him, goading him on, screaming things like “Jojo Rabbit!”
They reach a little clearing where Jojo pulls the PIN on the
grenade and screams an ungodly war-cry.

JOJO
JOJO RABBIIIIIIIIT!!!

He hurls the grenade like a war hero. It flies through the air,
bounces off a tree, hits another one, deflects off a nearby
branch and ricochets backwards, landing only 6-feet away from
Jojo.

ADOLF
Scheisse.

He bolts, getting clear and leaving Jojo standing alone, the
grenade at his feet.

JOJO
Ooh, scheisse...

KABOOM!!! Jojo goes flying in an explosion of smoke and debris.


SFX: HEAVY BREATHING...

FADE OUT.
Genres: ["Drama","War","Comedy"]

Summary In a wooded training ground, Captain Klenzendorf instructs older boys on grenade use while younger kids, including Jojo and Yorki, watch nervously. Eager to prove his bravery, Jojo sneaks away, grabs a grenade, and shouts 'Jojo Rabbit!' as he throws it into the woods. The grenade ricochets back, resulting in an explosion that sends Jojo flying, highlighting his internal struggle between fear and the desire for acceptance amidst the absurdity of war.
Strengths
  • Effective blend of humor and drama
  • Strong character development for Jojo
  • Innovative concept and themes
Weaknesses
  • Potential tonal shifts between humor and dark subject matter
  • Depiction of violence may be unsettling for some viewers

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively blends humor with tension, providing insight into Jojo's character development and the conflicting emotions he faces. The explosive climax adds a surprising twist to the training scenario, keeping the audience engaged.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of using a grenade training exercise to explore themes of bravery, fear, and identity in a satirical war setting is innovative and thought-provoking. The scene challenges traditional war narratives and offers a unique perspective on the impact of propaganda on young minds.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene revolves around Jojo's struggle with courage and his desire to prove himself in a militaristic environment. The introduction of the grenade training adds a high-stakes element that drives the narrative forward and sets up future conflicts for the character.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh and unique take on the coming-of-age and war genres, combining dark humor with poignant moments of vulnerability and bravery. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and original.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters, especially Jojo, are well-developed in this scene, showcasing their vulnerabilities, humor, and growth. Jojo's internal conflict and interactions with other characters add depth to the story and highlight the complexities of wartime indoctrination.

Character Changes: 8

Jojo undergoes significant character development in this scene, grappling with his fears, doubts, and desires for acceptance. The experience with the grenade training challenges his perceptions and sets the stage for future growth.

Internal Goal: 8

Jojo's internal goal is to prove himself as brave and not a coward, despite his fears and doubts. This reflects his deeper need for acceptance and validation.

External Goal: 9

Jojo's external goal is to impress the older boys and show his bravery by throwing a hand-grenade. This reflects the immediate challenge he is facing in the training exercise.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The scene features a high level of internal and external conflict, with Jojo facing challenges related to bravery, peer pressure, and wartime expectations. The explosive climax raises the stakes and intensifies the conflict for the character.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Jojo facing obstacles and challenges that test his courage and resolve. The audience is kept on their toes, unsure of how Jojo will handle the situation.

High Stakes: 9

The scene features high stakes, both in terms of physical danger with the grenade training and emotional stakes for Jojo's character development. The explosive climax raises the stakes even further, adding urgency and tension to the narrative.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by deepening Jojo's character arc, introducing new conflicts and challenges, and setting up future plot developments. The explosive climax serves as a turning point in Jojo's journey.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of Jojo's impulsive actions and the unexpected outcome of the grenade throwing. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of what will happen next.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between the glorification of war and violence, represented by the training exercise, and the innocence and vulnerability of the young boys, especially Jojo. This challenges Jojo's beliefs and values about bravery and heroism.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene elicits a range of emotions, from humor to tension to empathy for Jojo's struggles. The explosive climax adds a jarring emotional impact, highlighting the dangers and absurdity of the war environment.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the characters' emotions, humor, and conflicts. The mix of comedic lines and tense moments enhances the overall tone and keeps the audience engaged.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its mix of humor, tension, and action. The characters' interactions and the unexpected turn of events keep the audience invested in the story.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a gradual build-up of tension leading to the explosive climax. The rhythm of the dialogue and action sequences enhances the effectiveness of the scene.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene is well-formatted with clear action lines, dialogue, and scene descriptions. It follows the expected format for its genre.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with a setup, conflict, and resolution, effectively building tension and suspense. It adheres to the expected format for its genre.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures Jojo's impulsive nature and desire to prove himself, which aligns with his character development throughout the screenplay. However, the transition from the previous scene, where Jojo contemplates being a rabbit, to this scene where he acts recklessly with a grenade feels abrupt. This could be smoothed out by adding a moment of internal conflict or hesitation before he decides to take such a dangerous action.
  • The dialogue is playful and captures the innocence of the children, but it could benefit from more depth. For instance, Jojo's bravado about not being a coward could be contrasted with a moment of vulnerability or doubt, enhancing the emotional stakes of his actions. This would make his eventual explosion more impactful, as it would highlight the consequences of his reckless behavior.
  • The comedic elements, particularly with Klenzendorf's humorous remarks about grenades, work well to lighten the tone amidst the dark subject matter. However, the humor could be balanced with a more serious undertone, especially considering the gravity of the situation. This could be achieved by incorporating more tension in the older boys' reactions to Jojo's antics, emphasizing the danger of the grenades.
  • The visual imagery of Jojo running into the woods and the subsequent explosion is vivid and engaging. However, the scene could benefit from more sensory details to enhance the atmosphere. Describing the sounds of the woods, the smell of gunpowder, or the expressions on the older boys' faces could create a more immersive experience for the audience.
  • The ending, with Jojo being blown away by the explosion, is a strong visual moment. However, it might be more effective if it were followed by a brief moment of silence or stillness before the scene fades out. This would allow the audience to process the chaos and the consequences of Jojo's actions, adding weight to the comedic elements.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment of hesitation for Jojo before he grabs the grenade, showcasing his internal struggle between bravery and fear.
  • Enhance the dialogue to include more emotional depth, allowing Jojo's bravado to be contrasted with moments of vulnerability.
  • Balance the comedic elements with a more serious tone by emphasizing the danger of the situation and the reactions of the older boys.
  • Incorporate more sensory details to create a richer atmosphere, enhancing the audience's immersion in the scene.
  • After the explosion, include a brief moment of silence or stillness to allow the audience to process the chaos and the consequences of Jojo's actions.



Scene 9 -  Fragments of Fear and Comfort
INT. HOSPITAL CORRIDOR - DAY

JOJO’S POV - The next couple of minutes are small glimpses as
Jojo comes in and out of consciousness.

- Bright lights in an operating room. A doctor hovers over us,
we see INSTRUMENTS. A concerned Adolf Hitler peeks in, smiles
and gives us the thumbs up. Jojo’s BLOODIED THUMB comes into
view.

- Over BLACK, we hear voices. Fade up to see a concerned male
doctor and Captain Klenzendorf.

KLENZENDORF
It was one of those stick-shaped ones,
not the superior oval type. Do you
know the ones I mean?

Finkel holds up one a stick grenade.

FINKEL
Like this.

KLENZENDORF
Exactly. Anyway, luckily it was only a
training grenade, half packed with
explosive. A proper one would have
blown off his leg. Maybe both.

FINKEL
Probably both. Or a head.

KLENZENDORF
(aside, to doctor)
Do you think I could get in trouble
for this?

- FADE UP as we hear the sound of Jojo’s mother, FRAU BETZLER,
entering the room. She comes in to focus, a beautiful and kind
face.

FRAU BETZLER
Darling Jojo, my cub... I’m taking you
home.

- The shot wells with tears, de-focuses, and fades.


- Over black we hear sounds. We come in and out of a hazy
picture of Frau Betzler sitting beside Jojo, her hand caressing
his face. We are in his bedroom now, the Hitler posters still on
the wall. His mother comes in and out of focus. The image shifts
and we see various small, STUFFED ANIMALS, on the pillow next to
him - a LION, an ELEPHANT, a CAMEL, a RABBIT.

WE FADE TO BLACK AND HEAR WHISPERS, PEOPLE IN THE HOUSE.


INT. JOJO’S HOUSE - JOJO’S BEDROOM - NIGHT

Jojo wakes in a daze. Feeling something nearby, Jojo sits
absolutely silent. A creak is heard directly outside his open
door. He whispers.

JOJO
Hello?

The creaking stops. Jojo cowers under the blankets.

JOJO (CONT’D)
(quietly)
Inga, don’t scare me. Please.

FADE OUT.
Genres: ["Drama","War"]

Summary In a hospital, Jojo grapples with the aftermath of a training grenade injury, overhearing a conversation between a doctor and Captain Klenzendorf about his condition. His mother, Frau Betzler, enters, expressing her love and promising to take him home. The scene shifts to Jojo's bedroom, where he feels a sense of unease surrounded by stuffed animals and whispers. As night falls, he wakes up frightened and calls out for someone named Inga, highlighting his ongoing struggle with fear and confusion.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Symbolism
  • Character development
Weaknesses
  • Limited dialogue
  • Minimal external conflict

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys the emotional aftermath of Jojo's accident, highlighting his vulnerability and the care of his mother. The use of symbolism and contrasting settings adds depth to the narrative.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring Jojo's vulnerability and the aftermath of his accident is well-executed, providing insight into his character and the emotional dynamics within the story.

Plot: 8

The plot progression in this scene focuses on Jojo's personal struggle and the impact of his accident, moving the story forward by deepening the character development and emotional stakes.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh perspective on the aftermath of war through the eyes of a child, blending dark humor with poignant moments of vulnerability and resilience. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and nuanced, adding depth to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters, especially Jojo and his mother, are portrayed with depth and emotion, showcasing their relationship and individual growth in the face of adversity.

Character Changes: 8

Jojo experiences a significant emotional change in this scene, moving from a state of physical injury and vulnerability to a moment of comfort and reassurance with his mother.

Internal Goal: 8

Jojo's internal goal in this scene is to recover from his injuries and find comfort and safety in the presence of his mother. This reflects his deeper need for love, security, and reassurance.

External Goal: 7

Jojo's external goal is to heal physically and emotionally from the traumatic incident involving the grenade. It reflects the immediate challenge of facing the consequences of his actions and the dangers of the war.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

The conflict in this scene is more internal and emotional, focusing on Jojo's personal struggles and the aftermath of his accident.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create suspense and uncertainty, as Jojo faces physical and emotional challenges that test his resilience and courage.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes in this scene are more personal and emotional, centered around Jojo's well-being and his relationship with his mother.

Story Forward: 7

While the scene focuses more on character development and emotional depth, it does contribute to the overall progression of the story by deepening the audience's understanding of Jojo's journey.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it subverts expectations by blending dark humor with moments of vulnerability and tenderness, creating a sense of uncertainty and emotional depth.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the consequences of violence and war, as seen through the perspective of a young boy like Jojo. It challenges his beliefs about bravery, loyalty, and the impact of his actions.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking feelings of sadness, concern, and comfort through the portrayal of Jojo's vulnerability and his mother's care.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue in the scene is minimal but impactful, conveying the emotional weight of the situation and the bond between Jojo and his mother.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it combines suspense, emotion, and humor to keep the audience invested in Jojo's story and the unfolding events.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotion, with well-timed transitions between different settings and characters that maintain a sense of momentum and engagement.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to the expected format for a screenplay, with clear scene descriptions, character actions, and dialogue cues that enhance the visual storytelling.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a coherent structure that transitions smoothly between different settings and characters, maintaining a clear focus on Jojo's emotional journey.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures Jojo's disorientation and vulnerability after his injury, using a combination of visual and auditory elements to convey his fragmented consciousness. The use of Jojo's POV is a strong choice, immersing the audience in his experience and enhancing the emotional impact.
  • The dialogue between Klenzendorf and Finkel adds a layer of dark humor, which is characteristic of the film's tone. However, the humor might overshadow the gravity of Jojo's situation. Balancing the comedic elements with the seriousness of Jojo's injury could enhance the emotional stakes.
  • Frau Betzler's entrance is poignant, but the transition from the operating room to Jojo's bedroom feels abrupt. A smoother transition could help maintain the emotional flow and provide a clearer sense of time passing between these moments.
  • The imagery of the stuffed animals juxtaposed with the Hitler posters is powerful, symbolizing Jojo's innocence amidst the indoctrination he has experienced. However, the significance of these elements could be further emphasized through Jojo's internal thoughts or reactions, deepening the audience's understanding of his conflict.
  • The scene ends on a suspenseful note with Jojo hearing whispers and feeling scared, which effectively builds tension. However, the dialogue could be more impactful if it revealed more about Jojo's emotional state or fears, rather than just calling out for Inga.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief internal monologue for Jojo during his moments of consciousness to provide insight into his thoughts and feelings about his injury and the situation around him.
  • To enhance the emotional weight of the scene, try to balance the humor in Klenzendorf and Finkel's dialogue with more serious reflections on the consequences of Jojo's actions.
  • Introduce a visual or auditory cue that signifies the transition from the hospital to Jojo's bedroom, such as a fade-out with a heartbeat sound that transitions into the sound of a clock ticking in his room.
  • Explore Jojo's emotional connection to the stuffed animals by having him react to them or think about them in relation to his current fears and experiences, reinforcing the theme of lost innocence.
  • Consider expanding Jojo's dialogue at the end to reflect his deeper fears or anxieties, perhaps by having him whisper something more revealing about his feelings towards his mother or the situation he finds himself in.



Scene 10 -  Reflections of Hope
INT. JOJO’S HOUSE - MORNING

A NEW JOJO stands before us in front of the mirror. The right
side of his face is SCARRED. His RIGHT ARM hangs limply by his
side. He wears a simple shirt, he still has his hair and
although he is half the boy he used to be, with his injuries he
now looks older, kind of cooler.

FRAU BETZLER (O.S.)
There’s my little cub.

In the mirror Jojo sees his mother standing at the door,
smiling.

JOJO
Heil Hitler, Mama!!!

FRAU BETZLER
Wow, a little louder nest time huh?
Didn’t quite hear you. Hello darling.

She approaches and hugs him tightly, smiling.

JOJO
Why so happy? Your son is a monster.


FRAU BETZLER
No. Not a monster, you’re still my
beautiful Jojo. Besides the doctors
are confident you will get most of the
movement back in your hand and you
will also walk properly again. Neat
huh? I’m just happy to have you back
home.

JOJO
I’ll never be in Hitler’s guard, now.

FRAU BETZLER
Don’t try so hard to be like the
others Jojo. You’re fine as you are.

JOJO
I need to be better.

FRAU BETZLER
You need to be you, not Mr. Uber
German. Look, Mama Lion worries about
her cub, that’s all. Especially when
papa Lion isn’t here.

JOJO
Or Inga Lion.

FRAU BETZLER
Or Inga Lion.

JOJO
Mama, you don’t have to worry about
me. I’m a tough guy and I will look
after us. You wait, I’ll make you the
proudest mother in the whole wide
Reich.

She smiles sadly. Jojo tries to tie his bootlaces. He is having
trouble with only one good hand. Frau Betzler kneels down and
helps him.

FRAU BETZLER
A few more months and you’ll get it.
Round the tree, through the rabbit
hole, then pull.
(then)
Now, you better get on your way, I
told the Hitlerjugend office you were
coming in today.

JOJO
I thought you didn’t want me to be
involved with all that.


FRAU BETZLER
I don’t want you involved in being
dead on some battlefield. You can’t be
a soldier but you can still help. I
think getting out of the house will do
wonders for your recuperation. Come
on, you can walk me to the food store
first. We need supplies.
Genres: ["Drama","War"]

Summary In a poignant morning scene, Jojo, scarred and struggling with his self-image, stands before a mirror as his mother, Frau Betzler, enters with warmth and encouragement. Despite Jojo's self-deprecating humor about his injuries, Frau Betzler reassures him of his recovery and urges him to embrace his true self rather than conform to societal pressures. Their deep bond is evident as she helps him with his bootlaces, symbolizing her unwavering support. As Jojo expresses his desire to make her proud and prepares to leave for the Hitlerjugend office, the scene captures a blend of warmth and melancholy, highlighting Jojo's internal conflict and his mother's hope for his future.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Authentic dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Lack of external conflict
  • Limited plot progression

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively portrays Jojo's physical and emotional struggles post-injury, while highlighting his mother's unwavering support and the importance of self-acceptance. The dialogue is poignant and the tone strikes a balance between reflection and hope.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of Jojo's struggle with his injuries and his mother's support is compelling and adds depth to his character. The scene explores themes of resilience and self-acceptance in a poignant manner.

Plot: 8

The plot progression in this scene focuses on Jojo's emotional journey and his relationship with his mother, moving the story forward in terms of character development and thematic exploration.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh perspective on the aftermath of war and the struggles of a young protagonist in a Nazi-controlled society. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and compelling.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters, especially Jojo and his mother, are well-developed and their interactions feel authentic and emotionally resonant. Jojo's internal conflict and his mother's unwavering support add depth to their relationship.

Character Changes: 8

Jojo undergoes a significant emotional change in this scene, moving towards self-acceptance and a deeper understanding of his own worth.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to find his identity and purpose after his injuries, as well as to gain his mother's approval and love despite his physical limitations.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to navigate his new reality post-injury and contribute to the war effort in a different way.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 3

The conflict in this scene is more internal, focusing on Jojo's struggle with his injuries and his self-perception, rather than external conflicts.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to challenge the protagonist's beliefs and motivations, creating conflict and tension that drive the story forward.

High Stakes: 4

The stakes in this scene are more personal, revolving around Jojo's emotional well-being and his journey towards self-acceptance.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward in terms of character development and thematic exploration, focusing on Jojo's internal journey.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting dynamics between the characters and the protagonist's internal conflicts. The audience is kept on their toes, unsure of how Jojo's story will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict is between conformity to societal expectations and individuality. Jojo struggles with fitting in with the Hitlerjugend while also wanting to be true to himself.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, eliciting feelings of empathy and hope for Jojo's journey towards recovery and self-acceptance.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is poignant and effectively conveys the emotional depth of the scene. It captures the complex emotions of Jojo and his mother, adding layers to their relationship.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its emotional depth, character dynamics, and thematic richness. The audience is drawn into Jojo's struggles and relationships, rooting for his growth and redemption.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and emotional resonance. The rhythm of the dialogue and actions keeps the audience engaged and invested in Jojo's journey.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows standard formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene descriptions and character actions. The dialogue is formatted correctly, enhancing readability.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a coherent structure, with clear character motivations and development. The pacing and dialogue flow smoothly, engaging the audience in the protagonist's journey.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures Jojo's emotional state post-injury, showcasing his internal conflict and the impact of his physical scars on his identity. The dialogue between Jojo and Frau Betzler is heartfelt and reveals their close relationship, which adds depth to both characters.
  • Frau Betzler's character is portrayed as nurturing and supportive, which contrasts with Jojo's self-perception as a 'monster.' This dynamic is compelling, but it could benefit from more nuance. For instance, exploring Frau Betzler's own fears and struggles could add layers to her character and make her support feel more earned.
  • The dialogue is generally strong, but some lines feel a bit on-the-nose, particularly Jojo's insistence on needing to be 'better' and 'the proudest mother in the whole wide Reich.' These statements could be more subtly woven into the conversation to avoid feeling overly expository.
  • The physicality of Jojo's struggle with his bootlaces is a nice touch, visually representing his limitations. However, this moment could be expanded to show more of Jojo's frustration or determination, which would enhance the emotional weight of the scene.
  • The transition from Jojo's internal conflict to the external world (the Hitlerjugend office) is somewhat abrupt. A smoother transition could help maintain the emotional flow and provide a clearer connection between Jojo's personal journey and the societal pressures he faces.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment where Jojo reflects on his injury in a more vulnerable way, perhaps expressing a fear of not being able to fulfill his previous ambitions, which would deepen the emotional impact.
  • Introduce a brief flashback or memory that highlights Jojo's past enthusiasm for the Hitlerjugend, contrasting it with his current feelings of inadequacy. This could provide a more profound sense of loss and change.
  • Enhance Frau Betzler's character by including a line or two that hints at her own struggles or fears regarding the war and her family, making her support for Jojo feel more complex and relatable.
  • Explore Jojo's physical struggle with his bootlaces further, perhaps by showing him trying multiple times before accepting help, which could symbolize his internal struggle with accepting his new reality.
  • Create a more gradual transition to the next scene by incorporating Jojo's thoughts or feelings about going to the Hitlerjugend office, allowing the audience to see his apprehension or determination as he prepares to face that world again.



Scene 11 -  Facing Fears
EXT. JOJO’S HOUSE - FRONT DOOR - MOMENTS LATER

Jojo’s mother helps him put on his jacket and he catches another
glimpse of himself reflected in some glass.

JOJO
I don’t want to go out there.

FRAU BETZLER
Don’t be silly, of course you do.

JOJO
But people will look at me.

FRAU BETZLER
Let them! Enjoy the attention, kid.
(feigning sadness, stroking
her hair)
People used to look at me.
(suddenly bright)
Oh well! Now, you’re going to pluck up
your courage, walk out that door and
have an adventure. Okay?

JOJO
(nodding, unsure)
Okay.

Frau Betzler parts the blinds on the front door and peeks
outside.

FRAU BETZLER
Looks like the coast is clear. Field
Marshall Jojo, you’re our top man,
only you can accomplish this
mission... Good luck.

Jojo smiles and prepares himself, playing along.

JOJO
Is it dangerous?

His mother WINKS at him and smiles wide.


FRAU BETZLER
Extremely.

She kisses him on the head and opens the door.
Genres: ["Drama","War"]

Summary In this light-hearted scene, Jojo's mother, Frau Betzler, encourages her anxious son to embrace the adventure of going outside. Despite Jojo's reluctance and fear of being seen, Frau Betzler playfully reassures him, referring to him as 'Field Marshall Jojo' and hinting at the excitement ahead. Their playful exchange alleviates Jojo's anxiety, culminating in Frau Betzler opening the front door to signal the start of their outing.
Strengths
  • Heartfelt dialogue
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
Weaknesses
  • Lack of external conflict
  • Limited plot progression

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys a sense of tenderness and encouragement through the interaction between Jojo and his mother, setting up a pivotal moment for Jojo's character development.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of facing fears and embarking on an adventure is well-executed, providing a meaningful moment of character growth for Jojo.

Plot: 8

The plot progresses effectively as Jojo prepares to step outside and confront his fears, setting the stage for future developments in his character arc.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh take on the theme of overcoming fears and embracing adventure, with authentic character interactions and a unique setting.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Jojo and his mother are well-developed in this scene, with their relationship and dynamics adding depth to the narrative.

Character Changes: 8

Jojo undergoes a significant change in this scene as he must confront his fears and find the courage to go on an adventure, setting the stage for his growth.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to overcome his fear of judgment and step out of his comfort zone. This reflects his deeper need for acceptance and validation.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to go outside and have an adventure, as encouraged by his mother. This reflects the immediate challenge of facing his fears and exploring the unknown.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 3

While there is a subtle internal conflict for Jojo in facing his fears, the scene primarily focuses on emotional growth rather than external conflict.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to challenge the protagonist's beliefs and push him out of his comfort zone, creating a sense of uncertainty and excitement.

High Stakes: 4

While the stakes are not overtly high in this scene, the emotional stakes for Jojo in facing his fears and seeking adventure are significant.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by setting up Jojo's internal journey and establishing key themes of courage and support.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in character interactions and the protagonist's internal conflict, keeping the audience on their toes.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the tension between conformity and individuality. The protagonist struggles with the fear of judgment from others while also desiring to break free and have an adventure.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking feelings of tenderness and encouragement as Jojo prepares to step outside his comfort zone.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue between Jojo and his mother is heartfelt and supportive, capturing the emotional core of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the relatable character struggles, emotional depth, and playful dialogue that draw the audience into the story.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, leading to a satisfying resolution that advances the character's journey.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions that enhance the visual storytelling.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with well-defined character goals and conflicts, contributing to its effectiveness in advancing the narrative.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the dynamic between Jojo and his mother, showcasing her supportive yet playful nature. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext to deepen the emotional stakes. For instance, Jojo's reluctance to go outside could hint at deeper insecurities stemming from his injury and societal expectations, rather than just a fear of being looked at.
  • Frau Betzler's encouragement is heartwarming, but the transition from her feigned sadness to bright encouragement feels slightly abrupt. A smoother transition could enhance the emotional flow and make her character feel more nuanced. Perhaps she could share a brief personal anecdote about overcoming her own fears, which would also serve to connect with Jojo on a deeper level.
  • The use of humor, particularly in the 'Field Marshall Jojo' line, is effective in lightening the mood, but it risks undermining the gravity of Jojo's situation. Balancing humor with the underlying tension of Jojo's injury and the war's impact could create a more poignant moment. Consider allowing Jojo to express a moment of vulnerability before he plays along with the humor.
  • The visual elements, such as Jojo catching a glimpse of himself in the glass, are strong and serve to reinforce his self-image issues. However, expanding on this moment could enhance its impact. For example, a brief internal monologue or a more detailed description of his reflection could provide insight into his feelings about his appearance and the societal pressures he faces.
  • The scene ends on a light note with Frau Betzler's wink and the door opening, which is effective for pacing. However, it might be beneficial to include a moment of hesitation from Jojo before he steps outside, emphasizing his internal conflict and making his eventual decision to go out feel more significant.
Suggestions
  • Incorporate more subtext in Jojo's dialogue to reflect his deeper insecurities about his appearance and the societal expectations placed on him.
  • Smooth the transition in Frau Betzler's demeanor by adding a personal anecdote or a moment of reflection that connects her past experiences with Jojo's current fears.
  • Balance the humor with moments of vulnerability to ensure that Jojo's internal struggle is acknowledged and not overshadowed by the playful banter.
  • Expand on the visual moment of Jojo looking at his reflection to provide more insight into his feelings about his injury and how it affects his self-image.
  • Consider adding a moment of hesitation or internal conflict for Jojo before he steps outside, reinforcing the significance of his decision to face the world.



Scene 12 -  A Moment of Light in Darkness
EXT. TOWN - STREET / RATION STORE - DAY

Jojo and his mother walk down the street. As he LIMPS, Jojo
tries to avoid peoples’ gazes. His mother enters a FOOD RATION
STORE leaving Jojo outside. He notices himself in the store
window and from his POV we see the new, crooked and damaged
version of the sprightly young boy at the beginning of our
story.

We PULL FOCUS to within the store. Frau Betzler takes a bag of
food and loads them into a shopping stroller. Other people in
the store watch her.


I/E. REICHSJUGENDAMT OFFICE - DAY

Jojo and Frau Betzler part ways outside the Reichsjugendamt
(Hitler Youth office), a small but official looking structure.

FRAU BETZLER
You have a wonderful day, cub.
(then)
Oh, you have something on your shirt.

She points and Jojo looks down. It’s the old trick where she
brings her hand up to ding him in the face. He laughs.

JOJO
Don’t!

FRAU BETZLER
What? You really do have something!
Look!

She does it again and once more he falls for it.

JOJO
Stop it, Mama! Don’t hit me!

FRAU BETZLER
I’m not hitting you, you’re hitting
yourself!

She grabs his wrists and makes Jojo lightly swat himself in the
face, again and again. He giggles, absolutely powerless.


FRAU BETZLER (CONT’D)
Heyyy kid, don’t beat yourself up.
You’re a good guy, no need for all
this violence!

She’s a real clown and utterly charming. She wraps him up and
gives him FIVE HUGE SMOOCHES all over his face.

FRAU BETZLER (CONT’D)
I love you. Heil Shitler.

We reveal Jojo’s face is covered in lipstick kiss-marks. She
heads off down the street, whistling.
Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

Summary Jojo and his mother, Frau Betzler, navigate the challenges of their environment as Jojo grapples with his self-image. While waiting outside a food ration store, Jojo reflects on his transformation, feeling vulnerable. Inside, Frau Betzler gathers supplies and, upon exiting, engages Jojo in playful banter, teasing him and sharing affectionate kisses that momentarily lift his spirits. Their light-hearted interaction contrasts with the harsh realities around them, leaving Jojo smiling despite the lipstick marks on his face as Frau Betzler walks away whistling.
Strengths
  • Heartwarming interaction between Jojo and his mother
  • Authentic dialogue that reveals character dynamics
  • Humorous and affectionate tone
Weaknesses
  • Lack of significant plot progression
  • Low stakes

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys a mix of light-heartedness and affection, providing a touching moment between Jojo and his mother. The humor and warmth in their interaction create a strong emotional impact.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of showcasing a mother's love and support in the face of adversity is well-executed. It adds depth to the characters and advances the emotional core of the story.

Plot: 7.5

While the scene doesn't significantly advance the main plot, it deepens the relationship between Jojo and his mother, providing important character development.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh perspective on the historical setting, blending humor and tragedy in a unique way. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and compelling.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The scene focuses on Jojo and his mother, highlighting their personalities and relationship dynamics. Their interactions feel authentic and engaging, adding richness to the story.

Character Changes: 7

While Jojo doesn't undergo a significant change in this scene, his vulnerability and his mother's support deepen his character development.

Internal Goal: 8

Jojo's internal goal in this scene is to navigate the complex relationship with his mother and come to terms with his own identity and beliefs.

External Goal: 7

Jojo's external goal is to comply with the expectations of his mother and the society he lives in, while also trying to maintain his own sense of self.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 3

The scene lacks significant conflict, focusing more on the emotional connection between Jojo and his mother.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is subtle but effective, adding complexity and depth to the characters' interactions and conflicts.

High Stakes: 2

The stakes are relatively low in this scene, focusing more on personal relationships and emotions.

Story Forward: 6

The scene doesn't propel the main plot forward significantly but adds depth to the characters and their relationships.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected humor and emotional depth that arise from the characters' interactions and dialogue.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the indoctrination and manipulation of youth by the Nazi regime, contrasting with the innocence and vulnerability of Jojo as a child.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking feelings of warmth, love, and humor through the interaction between Jojo and his mother.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is witty, affectionate, and reveals the close bond between Jojo and his mother. It effectively conveys their personalities and emotions.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its blend of humor, emotion, and social commentary, drawing the audience into the characters' world and conflicts.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotion, creating a dynamic and engaging narrative flow.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and concise, enhancing the readability and impact of the dialogue and action.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure that effectively conveys the characters' emotions and conflicts, building tension and depth.


Critique
  • The scene effectively contrasts Jojo's physical and emotional state with his mother's lightheartedness, showcasing the bond between them. However, the transition from the previous scene to this one could be smoother. The abrupt shift from the serious context of the Reichsjugendamt to the playful interaction outside the office feels slightly jarring.
  • The humor in the scene is well-executed, particularly in the playful banter between Jojo and Frau Betzler. The use of the 'hitting yourself' trick is a classic comedic device that works well to lighten the mood. However, the line 'Heil Shitler' feels out of place and could be perceived as jarring given the context of their relationship and the overall tone of the film. It may detract from the warmth of the moment.
  • The visual imagery of Jojo's reflection in the store window serves as a poignant reminder of his transformation, but it could be further emphasized. The contrast between his current state and the earlier scenes could be highlighted more explicitly to deepen the emotional impact.
  • Frau Betzler's character shines through her playful nature, but the scene could benefit from a moment that hints at her underlying worries or fears about the world they live in. This would add depth to her character and create a more nuanced dynamic between her and Jojo.
  • The scene ends on a light note, but it might be more impactful if it included a subtle reminder of the harsh realities they face. A brief moment of hesitation or concern from Jojo before he laughs could serve to ground the humor in the context of their situation.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of reflection for Jojo after he sees his reflection in the store window, perhaps a line of internal dialogue that acknowledges his feelings about his transformation.
  • Reevaluate the line 'Heil Shitler' to ensure it aligns with the tone of the scene. If humor is the goal, consider a different punchline that maintains the playful spirit without undermining the gravity of their situation.
  • Incorporate a subtle hint of Frau Betzler's concerns about the world outside, perhaps through a fleeting expression or a line that suggests she is aware of the dangers they face, even in this lighthearted moment.
  • Enhance the transition between the previous scene and this one by including a brief moment that connects Jojo's experience in the Reichsjugendamt to his current state, reinforcing the emotional stakes.
  • Consider ending the scene with a visual cue that contrasts the playful moment with the reality of their situation, such as a distant sound of sirens or a glimpse of soldiers, to remind the audience of the underlying tension.



Scene 13 -  Jojo's Eager Entrance
INT. REICHSJUGENDAMT - MOMENTS LATER

Jojo enters a large office. There is the usual Nazi Propaganda
on the walls and a large SWASTIKA FLAG hangs behind a SECRETARY
who sits at a desk looking incredibly bored. Two TEENAGE YOUTH
OFFICERS laze about while a couple of other children come and go
through the scene.

JOJO
(screaming)
HEIL HITLER!!

The secretary and Officers jump.

SECRETARY
Jesus kid.

OFFICERS
Heil Hitler.

SECRETARY
(eyeing Jojo)
What happened to you?

JOJO
Wounded in battle. I was blown up.

SECRETARY
What was it, a lipstick bomb?

Jojo realizes what she means and he quickly wipes his face.

OFFICER 1
(smirking)
A war hero! Well, how can we help you?

JOJO
Well. I am here to offer my serv--


VOICE (O.S.)
I know that voice...

A figure emerges from an office - Captain Klenzendorf. Seeing
Jojo’s injuries he winces a little but covers well. He is
followed by Sub-Officer Finkel who is buttoning up his jacket.

KLENZENDORF
Heyyyy Johannes! Looking good.

JOJO
Hello Herr Klenzendorf.

KLENZENDORF
You remember Unteroffiziere Finkel.

Finkel nods to Jojo and continues to look weird and out of
place.

FINKEL
Heil Hitler, little boy.

KLENZENDORF
(to the others)
Guys this is Johannes Betzler, the kid
I told you about. Remember, he stole a
hand grenade and blew himself up and
as a result I was demoted for
negligence and now have to work in
this office.

JOJO
I am sorry you were demoted.

KLENZENDORF
Oh it’s fine. I wasn’t really
enthusiastic about that training camp
stuff. Little Nazis running around,
maniacal singing and histrionics.
Migraine hell.
(then)
Your mother came in the other day and
explained your situation.

JOJO
What did she say?

KLENZENDORF
Only that it’s just the two of you at
home now, and that you wanted to help
out here. Your father is a soldier,
no?


JOJO
Yes, he is fighting with the 10th Army
in Italy. And he makes desserts.

KLENZENDORF
And you had a sister.

JOJO
Inga. She died of influenza.

KLENZENDORF
I’m sorry to hear that. Well, it would
seem you are the man of the house so
we’ll have to keep you busy.

A beat - not sure what to do next, everyone stares at Jojo.

KLENZENDORF (CONT’D)
Ideas guys?

OFFICER 1
Umm, well, I guess you could hand out
some of this information.

He indicates a large pile of pamphlets in the corner.

OFFICER 2
And deliver these conscriptions.

JOJO
Conscripts. I don’t suppose I could
have one of those could I? I’m
actually in peak physical condition.

KLENZENDORF
Maybe later, Jojo, you’re still on the
mend. For now you can start small.
Conscripts and propaganda.

JOJO
Your wish is my command. I will
execute my orders with precision and
strength. Wait, what’s the difference
between information and propaganda?

Beat.

FINKEL
Just deliver the stuff , kid.

JOJO
Ja wohl!

He turns on his heels and is OUT.
Genres: ["Drama","War"]

Summary In a Nazi office filled with propaganda, young Jojo enthusiastically greets the staff, claiming to be a war hero despite his injuries. The bored secretary and Captain Klenzendorf exchange sarcastic remarks about Jojo's past mishap with a grenade, revealing the absurdity of the situation. Klenzendorf assigns Jojo small tasks, acknowledging his eagerness to serve while treating him with a mix of camaraderie and condescension. The scene captures the dark humor of Jojo's desire to contribute amidst the serious backdrop of Nazi Germany, ending with him confidently leaving to fulfill his orders.
Strengths
  • Effective blend of humor and serious themes
  • Strong character development for Jojo
  • Engaging dialogue and performances
Weaknesses
  • Some moments of tonal inconsistency
  • Sub-Officer Finkel's character feels underdeveloped

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively blends serious themes with humor, introduces conflict and character development, and moves the plot forward while maintaining the audience's interest.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a child soldier in a Nazi environment is intriguing and well-executed, providing a unique perspective on war and propaganda.

Plot: 8.5

The plot advances significantly in this scene, introducing new challenges for the protagonist, setting up conflicts, and foreshadowing future events.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh approach to the portrayal of Nazi Germany through the eyes of a young boy, blending dark humor with poignant moments to explore themes of loyalty, morality, and identity.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-developed, with Jojo's growth and struggles at the forefront, supported by Captain Klenzendorf and Sub-Officer Finkel's contrasting personalities.

Character Changes: 8

Jojo undergoes significant changes in this scene, transitioning from a naive enthusiast to a more introspective and responsible individual, setting the stage for his character arc.

Internal Goal: 8

Jojo's internal goal is to prove himself as a loyal and dedicated Nazi despite his young age and recent injury. This reflects his desire for acceptance and validation in a society that values conformity and loyalty to the regime.

External Goal: 7

Jojo's external goal is to offer his services to the Nazi office and start contributing to the war effort. This reflects the immediate circumstances of his father being away at war and his desire to help out in any way he can.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

There is a moderate level of conflict in the scene, primarily centered around Jojo's internal struggles, his interactions with authority figures, and the expectations placed upon him.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to challenge Jojo's beliefs and motivations, creating a sense of uncertainty and tension about his future choices and actions.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are moderately high for Jojo, as he navigates his new responsibilities, faces scrutiny from authority figures, and grapples with the expectations placed upon him.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward by introducing new challenges, expanding the world of the narrative, and setting up future conflicts and resolutions.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected interactions and revelations that challenge Jojo's beliefs and motivations, keeping the audience on edge about his choices and actions.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between blind loyalty to the Nazi regime and individual morality. Jojo's internal struggle to reconcile his beliefs with the reality of the regime's actions challenges his values and worldview.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7.5

The scene elicits sympathy for Jojo's situation, balancing emotional moments with humor and satire to engage the audience.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is engaging, blending humor with serious undertones, revealing character motivations, and driving the scene forward effectively.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its blend of humor, tension, and character dynamics that keep the audience invested in Jojo's journey and the unfolding events in the Nazi office.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by balancing dialogue-driven interactions with moments of tension and reflection, creating a dynamic rhythm that propels the narrative forward.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with proper scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting that enhance readability and clarity.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear character introductions, dialogue-driven interactions, and a progression of events that advance the narrative.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the absurdity of Jojo's situation and the dark humor that permeates the screenplay. Jojo's enthusiastic greeting contrasts sharply with the mundane and bored atmosphere of the Reichsjugendamt, highlighting the dissonance between his youthful zeal and the grim reality of the Nazi regime.
  • The dialogue is sharp and witty, particularly the exchange between Jojo and the secretary, which adds a layer of humor while also addressing the seriousness of Jojo's injuries. However, the secretary's line about a 'lipstick bomb' could be seen as trivializing Jojo's trauma, which may need to be handled with more sensitivity to maintain the balance between humor and the gravity of the situation.
  • Klenzendorf's character is well-established in this scene, showcasing his nonchalant attitude towards the Nazi ideology and his past demotion. This adds depth to his character and sets up an interesting dynamic with Jojo, who is still deeply indoctrinated. However, Klenzendorf's transition from a serious figure to a more comedic one could be more gradual to avoid jarring shifts in tone.
  • The scene's pacing is generally good, but there are moments where the dialogue could be tightened to enhance the comedic timing. For instance, the beat after Klenzendorf's line about Jojo's mother could be shortened to maintain momentum.
  • Jojo's eagerness to serve and his misunderstanding of the difference between information and propaganda effectively illustrate his naivety and the indoctrination he has undergone. However, this could be further emphasized by showing more of Jojo's internal conflict or confusion about his role in the Nazi regime, which would add depth to his character.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of reflection for Jojo after the secretary's comment about his injuries, which could provide insight into his emotional state and the impact of his trauma.
  • Enhance Klenzendorf's character by incorporating a subtle hint of his disillusionment with the Nazi regime, perhaps through a line that reflects his awareness of the absurdity of the situation, which would deepen his role as a mentor figure for Jojo.
  • Tighten the dialogue by removing any unnecessary lines or beats that do not contribute to character development or humor, ensuring that each line serves a purpose in advancing the scene.
  • Explore Jojo's internal conflict further by including a moment where he questions the tasks assigned to him, allowing for a deeper exploration of his character and the themes of indoctrination and innocence.
  • Consider using visual elements to enhance the scene, such as showing Jojo's physical injuries more prominently or incorporating reactions from the other characters that reflect their discomfort or amusement at Jojo's enthusiasm, which would add layers to the interactions.



Scene 14 -  Blind Enthusiasm Amidst Grim Realities
EXT. TOWN - STREET - DAY

Jojo pins up some posters of HITLER in a stoic pose, looking off
into the distance. Below him is the propaganda slogan:

ONE PEOPLE, ONE EMPIRE, ONE LEADER

Jojo smiles at this image of the mighty Führer. He gives a happy
“Heil Hitler” to people who pass by, but we get the feeling the
public are losing enthusiasm in their salutes.

JOJO
Heil Hitler, Frau Baumer!

FRAU BAUMER
Hmm? Oh yes, Sieg Heil.

JOJO
Heil Hitler, Herr Koch.

HERR KOCH
Hmm?
(seeing Jojo’s injuries)
Oooh, yikes.


EXT. TOWN SQUARE - FLORIDSDORFER SPITZ - DAY

Jojo jauntily walks through a large town square where he sees a
number of locals grouped near some trees. He gets closer and
sees they are gathered before a make-shift GALLOWS. About FIVE
BODIES, men and women hang from the GALLOWS while onlookers
stare or take photos.

There are signs around their necks but we don’t see what is
written on them. Jojo moves on, taking occasional glimpses back.


I/E. GRUSCH GROCERY - DAY

He reaches a small GROCERY STORE. He enters and approaches the
quiet and sad-eyed Herr Grusch.

JOJO
Heil Hitler, Herr Grusch.

HERR GRUSCH
(seeing Jojo’s injuries)
What happened to you?

JOJO
War wound. I’ll probably get a medal.
(then)
(MORE)

JOJO (CONT'D)
Herr Grusch, I have here a
conscription notice for your son.
Wait, is his name Klaus?

Herr Grusch sighs.

HERR GRUSCH
Yes, it is, but he already joined.

JOJO
Where is he?

The old man points upwards.

JOJO (CONT’D)
Oh, I’m sorry. The Führer would be
proud.

HERR GRUSCH
That’s comforting.
(Taking the letter)
Klaus is also my name.

JOJO
But you’re...

HERR GRUSCH
They’re recruiting us veterans of the
Great War now. There are no more young
people left. This whole thing is
becoming very flimsy. I don’t know how
to operate a flame-thrower or anti-
tank gun. So stupid.

He throws his conscription down.

JOJO
(turning)
You are more able than I Herr Grusch.
Everyone must do their part and that
includes you. I hope I do not need to
tell the authorities of your
indolence.
(beat)
Heil Hitler!

A long beat. Herr Grusch smiles warmly and nods.

HERR GRUSCH
Bye Johannes.

Jojo turns on his heels and leaves.
Genres: ["Drama","Historical"]

Summary In a small town during World War II, Jojo enthusiastically puts up Hitler posters and greets passersby, oblivious to their waning enthusiasm. He encounters a grim scene of bodies hanging from a gallows, reflecting his detachment. At a grocery store, he delivers a conscription notice to Herr Grusch, who expresses despair over the war and the absurdity of older veterans being recruited. Despite their differing perspectives, Jojo insists on the importance of contributing to the war effort, leading to a bittersweet farewell as they part ways.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Reflective tone
Weaknesses
  • Lack of external conflict
  • Limited action

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys the emotional weight of war through the interactions between Jojo and the townspeople, showcasing the somber tone and reflective sentiment prevalent in the aftermath of conflict.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring the impact of war on individuals through Jojo's interactions with the townspeople is well-executed, providing a poignant insight into the toll of conflict on the community.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene focuses on Jojo's interactions with the townspeople in the aftermath of war, effectively conveying the emotional weight of conflict and the somber reality faced by the community.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh perspective on the impact of war on individuals, exploring themes of loyalty, morality, and duty in a unique and compelling way.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters in the scene, particularly Jojo and Herr Grusch, are well-developed and convey a sense of sadness and resignation in the face of war, adding depth to the emotional impact of the conflict.

Character Changes: 7

Jojo experiences a shift in perspective as he interacts with Herr Grusch and confronts the reality of war, leading to a deeper understanding of the emotional toll of conflict.

Internal Goal: 8

Jojo's internal goal is to maintain his loyalty to Hitler and the Nazi regime while grappling with the moral implications of his actions.

External Goal: 7

Jojo's external goal is to deliver a conscription notice to Herr Grusch's son and ensure compliance with the military service.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 5

The conflict in the scene is more internal and emotional, focusing on the aftermath of war and the toll it takes on individuals rather than external action or confrontation.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting values and moral dilemmas that challenge the characters' beliefs and actions.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes in the scene are emotional and personal, focusing on the impact of war on individuals rather than external threats or conflicts.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by exploring the emotional aftermath of war and deepening Jojo's character development as he grapples with the impact of conflict on the community.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected twists in character interactions and the moral complexities that arise.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between blind loyalty to authority and individual moral conscience. Jojo's actions reflect his struggle to reconcile his beliefs with the reality of the war and its consequences.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, conveying the sadness and resignation felt by Jojo and the townspeople in the aftermath of war, effectively capturing the emotional weight of conflict.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the somber tone and reflective sentiment of the aftermath of war, capturing the emotional weight of conflict through the interactions between Jojo and the townspeople.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it presents a compelling conflict, emotional depth, and moral dilemmas that draw the audience in.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotional resonance, enhancing the impact of key moments and character interactions.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene adheres to the expected format for its genre, with clear scene descriptions, dialogue, and character actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a coherent structure that effectively conveys the characters' motivations and conflicts, enhancing the overall narrative.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the absurdity and dark humor of Jojo's situation, juxtaposing his enthusiastic salutes with the grim reality of the gallows. This contrast highlights the dissonance between Jojo's indoctrination and the harsh truths of the world around him.
  • Jojo's interactions with the townspeople, particularly Herr Grusch, reveal the growing disillusionment among the populace. However, the dialogue could be further developed to deepen the emotional impact of Herr Grusch's despair, making his character more relatable and his situation more poignant.
  • The use of visual elements, such as the hanging bodies and the propaganda posters, is striking and serves to reinforce the themes of propaganda and the loss of humanity. However, the scene could benefit from more sensory details to immerse the audience further in the setting, such as sounds, smells, or the atmosphere of the town square.
  • Jojo's character remains consistent with his previous portrayal, but the scene could explore his internal conflict more deeply. While he maintains a facade of loyalty, there are hints of confusion and detachment that could be emphasized to show his struggle with the reality of the war and its consequences.
  • The pacing of the scene feels slightly rushed, particularly in the transition from the gallows to the grocery store. A moment of reflection or a brief internal monologue from Jojo could enhance the emotional weight of the scene and allow the audience to process the gravity of what he has just witnessed.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment where Jojo reacts to the hanging bodies, perhaps a flicker of doubt or fear, to illustrate his internal conflict and the impact of the violence around him.
  • Expand Herr Grusch's dialogue to include more personal anecdotes or emotions regarding his son and the war, which would create a stronger emotional connection with the audience.
  • Incorporate more sensory details in the scene, such as the sounds of the town, the smell of the grocery store, or the atmosphere surrounding the gallows, to create a more immersive experience for the audience.
  • Include a moment of introspection for Jojo after he leaves the grocery store, allowing him to reflect on the conversations and the reality of the war, which would add depth to his character development.
  • Consider varying the tone slightly in the grocery store scene to balance the dark humor with moments of genuine emotion, creating a more nuanced portrayal of the characters' experiences.



Scene 15 -  The Hidden Truth
INT. JOJO’S HOUSE - DINING ROOM

Jojo arrives home.

JOJO
Mama! I’m home.

He drops his satchel and heads for the kitchen.

JOJO (O.S.) (CONT’D)
Maaaama, Field Marshall Jojo is home.

He returns.

JOJO (CONT’D)
Mama Lion?

We hear a noise from upstairs. A small THUD. Jojo looks up.


INT. JOJO’S HOUSE - INGA’S BEDROOM - LATER

Jojo slowly makes his way down the upstairs hall, looking in
rooms. He moves towards his sister’s room. He takes a moment
before stepping into the room and wandering around. He looks at
a photo of INGA, she is beautiful. He smiles and puts it down,
and then...

BANG!

The door slams shut. Jojo stands. He turns to see the window is
open, the drapes blowing. He breathes a small sigh of relief,
sits on the bed. He examines an array of Inga’s things on the
dresser in front of him, RIBBONS, DRAWINGS, PINS and MINIATURES.
He then inspects himself in the DRESSER MIRROR. He doesn’t like
his face. THEN, in the background of the reflection, he notices
the opposite wall.

Jojo is at the wall now, it is bare. On the ground sits a
picture in a frame. He picks it up and is about to re-hang it
when HE SEES IT. The wall is scratched, there is a thin cut in
the wallpaper that measures from his shoulder to the ground.

He traces the line of the cut and sees that it moves at right
angles. It is a DOOR. The hook it would hang on is also used as
a handle to pull the door open.

Jojo takes his trusty DJ KNIFE and pries the door out a little,
at the same time holding the hook and pulling the door OPEN. The
light from the opposite window doesn’t illuminate everything but
it does cast a wide beam into the darkness. As Jojo’s eyes
momentarily adjust he begins making out objects. At first it’s
only BOOKS.


JOJO
Mama, the bad books. It’s not allowed.

Then he sees a candle, bedding, a plate, a fork, and then a
PALE, LONG HAIRED CREATURE hunched in the corner, its face
partially hidden beneath dishevelled long black hair, its dark
eyes staring back at him.

Jojo jumps at the sight and backs away, tripping on the rug and
stumbling to the opposite wall which he bumps into DROPPING HIS
KNIFE on the ground.

He stays still, frozen in fear, watching. He can only see the
darkness of the secret rooms interior now, that thing is around
the corner, hidden from view. Footsteps. Slowly, with listless
energy and no real purpose, a pale skinny little girl emerges
from the darkness. This is ELSA KORR (15)

She stops at the doorway, and casually leans her thin arm,
against the frame. She wears a simple knee-length dress, brown
and dirty, and has bare feet.

ELSA
You come to kill me, little boy?

JOJO
I...

He can’t say anything. A pause, and then she giggles. It is cute
and disarming at the same time. There’s something attractive and
alluring about her.

Jojo can’t speak. LEAVING HIS KNIFE he scuffles out the door,
getting out as fast as he can, down the hall, down the stairs.
He stops in the bottom hall and turns, listening.

ELSA (O.S.)
Joooooo-jooooooo...

STOMP. STOMP. STOMP. Footsteps on the stairs get louder.
Eventually Elsa rounds the corner and sits on the top stair,
they have distance between them.

JOJO
Who are you? What do you want? Are you
a ghost?

ELSA
(smiling, spooking him)
Yesssssssssss... a ghost.

She splays her arms out like a ghost.


JOJO
Get out! Get out of my house!

ELSA
(normal)
Johannes, that’s no way to treat a
ghost.

JOJO
Why do you live upstairs in the wall?!

ELSA
Where else should a ghost live?

JOJO
Not here!

He runs towards the front door but is too slow. Elsa jumps from
her position and bounding like a cat she reaches him as he gets
to the front door. She grabs him by the scruff of the neck and
slams him into the wall, breathing heavily from the effort.

ELSA
Don’t make me run kid, I’m far too
hungry and y’know how much we have a
taste for your blood.

Jojo is petrified, breathing heavily too. She gets in close,
reveals his DJ Knife. She holds it to his face.

ELSA (CONT’D)
You dropped something.
(then)
I’m not a ghost Johannes, I’m
something worse. But I think you
already know that, don’t you? You know
what I am.

JOJO
No.

ELSA
Yes... Say it.

JOJO
(he gulps, futile)
Jew.

ELSA
(her smile drops)
Wunderbar.

JOJO
You can’t be here.


ELSA
Well your mother invited me so I’m her
guest.

JOJO
No. It’s not allowed.

ELSA
What will you do sweet Hitlerchen?

Silence. Jojo’s eyes dart towards the door, and then the
telephone.

ELSA (CONT’D)
Of course. Go on then, go and tell
them. But you know what happens if you
do? I’ll say you helped me, and your
mother too. Then we’ll all be kaput.
And if you tell your mother you know
about me... just one word...
(raising the knife to his
neck)
I’ll do the world a great big favour
and CUT YOUR NAZI HEAD OFF. Got it?

She releases him and backs away still holding the knife.

ELSA (CONT’D)
I think I’ll hold onto this. It’s
pretty.

She wanders back up the stairs leaving Jojo absolutely stunned.
Genres: ["Drama","Historical","War"]

Summary Jojo returns home and, after calling for his mother, discovers a hidden door in his sister Inga's room. He encounters Elsa, a pale girl who initially frightens him by claiming to be a ghost. As their tense interaction unfolds, Elsa reveals her true identity as a Jew hiding from the Nazis and threatens Jojo to keep her presence a secret, leaving him terrified and conflicted about his moral dilemma.
Strengths
  • Tension-building
  • Character development
  • Emotional depth
  • Plot progression
Weaknesses
  • Potential for stereotypical portrayal of Jewish character
  • Dependence on suspense for impact

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene is highly impactful, introducing a significant shift in the story's direction and character dynamics. The tension and emotional depth are well-executed, keeping the audience engaged and invested.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of discovering a hidden room with a Jewish girl challenges Jojo's beliefs and introduces a new layer of complexity to the story. It adds depth to the characters and raises the stakes significantly.

Plot: 9.2

The plot takes a significant turn with the discovery of the hidden room, setting up a major conflict and character development for Jojo. It propels the story forward and adds depth to the narrative.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the coming-of-age genre by exploring themes of prejudice, fear, and empathy in a unique historical context. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Jojo and Elsa are well-developed in this scene, showcasing their conflicting beliefs and fears. Their interaction drives the emotional core of the scene and sets up future character arcs.

Character Changes: 9

Both Jojo and Elsa undergo significant changes in this scene, as Jojo's beliefs are challenged and Elsa's presence disrupts his worldview. Their interaction sets the stage for future character development and growth.

Internal Goal: 8

Jojo's internal goal in this scene is to confront his fears and prejudices, as well as to understand the truth about the mysterious girl living in the secret room. This reflects his deeper need for acceptance and understanding.

External Goal: 7.5

Jojo's external goal is to protect his family and home from the perceived threat of the girl in the secret room. This reflects the immediate challenge he is facing in the scene.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9.5

The level of conflict in the scene is high, as Jojo's discovery of Elsa in the hidden room creates a tense and dangerous situation. The conflicting ideologies and fears between the characters drive the scene forward.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Elsa challenging Jojo's beliefs and posing a threat to his sense of security. The audience is left unsure of how Jojo will navigate the situation, adding tension and suspense.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in this scene, as Jojo's discovery of Elsa puts him in a dangerous position where his beliefs and loyalties are tested. The potential consequences of their interaction raise the tension and conflict.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward significantly, introducing a new conflict and dynamic that will impact the narrative moving forward. It sets up future plot developments and character arcs.

Unpredictability: 8.5

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected reveal of the secret room and the mysterious girl living inside. Jojo's reactions and Elsa's behavior add layers of uncertainty and tension.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the clash between Jojo's indoctrinated beliefs as a young Nazi and the humanity and empathy he begins to feel towards the girl in the secret room, who challenges his preconceived notions.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9.2

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking fear, tension, and empathy for the characters. The revelation of the hidden room and Jojo's confrontation with Elsa elicit strong emotions from the audience.

Dialogue: 8.8

The dialogue effectively conveys the tension and conflict between Jojo and Elsa, adding depth to their characters and the scene's emotional impact. It sets the stage for future interactions and character development.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its blend of suspense, mystery, and emotional depth. The interactions between Jojo and Elsa create tension and intrigue, keeping the audience invested in the unfolding story.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by gradually building tension and suspense as Jojo explores the secret room and interacts with Elsa. The rhythm of the scene enhances the emotional impact of key moments.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene adheres to the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings, character names, and action descriptions.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows a clear progression from Jojo's arrival home to the discovery of the secret room, building tension and intrigue effectively.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension through Jojo's exploration of his sister's room and the discovery of Elsa. The use of sound, such as the small thud and the slamming door, creates an atmosphere of suspense that draws the audience in.
  • Jojo's character is well-established as a curious yet fearful boy, and his internal conflict is palpable when he encounters Elsa. The contrast between his initial bravado and subsequent fear adds depth to his character.
  • Elsa's introduction is striking and memorable, with her ghostly demeanor and playful yet threatening dialogue. This duality makes her a compelling character, and the dialogue effectively conveys her cunning nature.
  • The dialogue between Jojo and Elsa is engaging, with a mix of humor and tension. However, some lines could be tightened for clarity and impact. For instance, Elsa's line about being a ghost could be more succinct to maintain the scene's pacing.
  • The visual elements, such as Jojo's reflection in the mirror and the scratched wall leading to the hidden door, are strong metaphors for his internal struggle and the hidden truths of his world. However, the description of the room could be more vivid to enhance the audience's immersion.
  • The pacing of the scene is generally good, but the transition from Jojo's initial exploration to the confrontation with Elsa could be smoother. A brief moment of hesitation or internal dialogue could heighten the tension before the reveal.
Suggestions
  • Consider tightening some of the dialogue to enhance the pacing and impact. For example, Elsa's playful taunts could be more concise to maintain tension.
  • Enhance the visual descriptions of Inga's room and the hidden space to create a more vivid atmosphere. Use sensory details to immerse the audience in the setting.
  • Add a moment of internal conflict for Jojo before he encounters Elsa, perhaps reflecting on his fears or the implications of finding someone in his sister's room. This could deepen his character development.
  • Explore the use of sound further; perhaps include more ambient noises that reflect Jojo's anxiety or the eeriness of the hidden room to build tension.
  • Consider adding a brief moment of Jojo's hesitation before he runs away from Elsa, which could emphasize his fear and the gravity of the situation.



Scene 16 -  Negotiating with a Ghost
INT. JOJO’S HOUSE - JOJO’S BEDROOM - MOMENTS LATER

Jojo sits on his bed, petrified.

ADOLF (O.S.)
Sheesh, that was intense.

Hitler is sitting next to him.

JOJO
Adolf, what am I gonna do??

ADOLF
Honestly, NO idea. You’re definitely
in a pickle. How the hell did she get
control like that?

JOJO
She used her Jew powers I guess. Mind
control.


ADOLF
Is that a real thing?

Jojo nods.

ADOLF (CONT’D)
I really should know about that.

Jojo nods again.

ADOLF (CONT’D)
Did you see how fast she moved? And
now she’s got that fancy knife.

JOJO
I know, I know! My knife! Okay, we
have to think.

Adolf lights a smoke, offers one to Jojo. He waves it away.
Hitler looks worried as he takes a drag.

ADOLF
I’ve got it. Burn down the house.

JOJO
You think?

ADOLF
It’s the only way.

JOJO
I might get in trouble.

ADOLF
Good point.
(snaps his fingers)
Got it. Burn the house down, blame it
on Winston Churchill.

JOJO
No, I can’t do that. This is MY family
home. I think I have to negotiate.

ADOLF
Even better! That’s the spirit.
Negotiate. Ooh, ooh, and remember,
don’t mention the war.
Genres: ["Drama","Dark Comedy"]

Summary In Jojo's bedroom, he grapples with fear after a tense encounter with Elsa, while Adolf Hitler, appearing as a figment of his imagination, offers absurd and reckless advice. They discuss Elsa's perceived 'Jew powers' and Jojo's anxiety about losing his knife. Adolf suggests extreme measures like burning down the house, but Jojo, valuing his family home, opts for negotiation instead. Their interaction blends tension with dark humor, highlighting Jojo's internal conflict as he contemplates a more rational approach while Adolf humorously advises him to avoid mentioning the war.
Strengths
  • Effective blend of tension and humor
  • Compelling character dynamics
  • Exploration of moral ambiguity
Weaknesses
  • Potential for the scene to veer into melodrama if not handled carefully

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively combines tension, humor, and emotional depth, creating a compelling and thought-provoking moment in the story.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of negotiating with a Jewish girl hidden in a Nazi household is innovative and thought-provoking, adding depth to the narrative.

Plot: 8

The plot advances significantly as Jojo grapples with the presence of Elsa and the moral implications of his actions, setting the stage for future developments.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh and original take on the coming-of-age genre, blending historical elements with dark comedy and moral complexity. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and true to the setting.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters, especially Jojo and Elsa, are well-developed and their interactions reveal layers of complexity and internal conflict.

Character Changes: 8

Jojo undergoes a significant internal change as he grapples with the presence of Elsa and the moral implications of his actions, setting the stage for his character development.

Internal Goal: 8

Jojo's internal goal in this scene is to figure out a solution to the problem he is facing, while also grappling with his own moral compass and sense of right and wrong.

External Goal: 7.5

Jojo's external goal is to deal with the immediate threat posed by the girl with 'Jew powers' and the fancy knife, while also protecting his family home.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between Jojo and Elsa, as well as Jojo's internal conflict, creates a high level of tension and suspense in the scene.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Jojo facing difficult choices and conflicting influences that challenge his beliefs and values.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high as Jojo faces a moral dilemma that could have serious consequences for himself and his family, adding tension and urgency to the scene.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing a key conflict and dilemma for Jojo, setting the stage for future events and character development.

Unpredictability: 8.5

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists and turns in Jojo's decision-making process, as influenced by his imaginary friend and the moral dilemmas he faces.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the moral choices Jojo must make, as influenced by his imaginary friend Adolf Hitler. The conflicting values of loyalty to family and the influence of Nazi ideology are evident.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene evokes fear, confusion, and determination in the characters, as well as the audience, leading to a strong emotional impact.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue effectively conveys the tension, humor, and emotional depth of the scene, capturing the conflicting emotions of the characters.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its blend of tension, humor, and moral complexity that keeps the audience invested in Jojo's dilemma and the choices he must make.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged in Jojo's dilemma and the choices he must make.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings, dialogue formatting, and action descriptions that enhance the reader's understanding of the story.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure that builds tension and conflict, leading to a resolution that sets up future developments in the narrative.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures Jojo's internal conflict and the absurdity of his situation through his dialogue with Adolf Hitler. The contrast between Jojo's genuine fear and Adolf's flippant attitude adds a layer of dark humor, which is a hallmark of the screenplay.
  • However, the dialogue could benefit from more emotional depth. While the humor is present, Jojo's fear and confusion about Elsa's threat could be explored further. This would enhance the stakes and make the audience feel more invested in his predicament.
  • The pacing of the scene feels a bit rushed. Jojo's transition from fear to considering negotiation happens quickly, which may leave the audience wanting more exploration of his thought process. A moment of hesitation or reflection could add tension and depth.
  • Adolf's suggestions, while humorous, could be more varied. The idea of burning down the house is funny, but it might be more impactful if Adolf offered a range of increasingly absurd solutions, showcasing his ridiculousness while also highlighting Jojo's maturity in wanting to negotiate.
  • The visual elements could be emphasized more. Describing Jojo's body language, facial expressions, or the atmosphere in the room could enhance the emotional weight of the scene. For instance, showing Jojo's physical reaction to Adolf's suggestions could amplify the tension.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment where Jojo reflects on his feelings about Elsa and the situation before engaging in dialogue with Adolf. This could help ground the scene emotionally.
  • Introduce more absurd suggestions from Adolf to create a comedic buildup before Jojo insists on negotiation. This could highlight the contrast between Jojo's maturity and Adolf's childishness.
  • Incorporate more physicality into Jojo's performance. Describe how he fidgets, sweats, or reacts physically to the stress of the situation to make his fear more palpable.
  • Explore Jojo's thoughts on the implications of negotiating with Elsa. This could add layers to his character and show his growth as he grapples with the moral complexities of his situation.
  • Consider ending the scene with a stronger emotional beat, perhaps with Jojo expressing a moment of resolve or fear before he decides to negotiate, which would create a more impactful transition to the next scene.



Scene 17 -  Confrontation in the Walls
INT. JOJO’S HOUSE - UPSTAIRS HALL - DAY

From Inga’s room we see an empty hallway. We hear clattering and
the slow clunking sound of footsteps getting closer.


Jojo comes into view wearing various household objects as
ARMOUR; A CHEESE-GRATER protects his forearm and a CAST-IRON POT
sits on his head. In one hand he now holds a KITCHEN KNIFE. He
is tip-toeing yet his get-up is making a huge racket.


INT. JOJO’S HOUSE - INGA’S BEDROOM - MOMENTS LATER

Jojo stands in his sister’s empty room. He speaks to the wall
Elsa lives behind.

JOJO
Excuse me? Hello? Little girl? Um, Jew
girl in the wall?
(beat)
Yoohoo, Jew?

Silence.

JOJO (CONT’D)
Ok well, I’ll just say what I have to
say.
(beat)
I don’t think it’s very convenient for
you to be in my house and I’m not
happy that my mother let you stay
here. I’m sure she has her reasons but
it really can’t go on.
(beat)
Now, I’m aware you have my knife. I
can’t say I’m comfortable with that
because it’s a Nazi knife and you’re
obviously... Anyway, I just want you
to know I’m not scared of you and I
think you should find somewhere else
to live. You have until tomorrow to
leave, then everyone will be happy.
(beat)
Ok?

From behind, in his ear...

ELSA (O.S.)
Not okay.

Jojo spins to see Elsa standing directly behind him, holding his
knife, a wry smile on her face. Jojo SQUEALS and stumbles back
in fright, collapsing to the floor, his armour crashing around
him. He drops the KITCHEN KNIFE as he scurries out of the room.

JOJO
Arrgh!!!
Genres: ["Drama","War","Comedy"]

Summary Jojo, clad in makeshift armor, nervously confronts Elsa, a girl hiding in his sister's room, demanding she leave by the next day. His bravado falters when Elsa surprises him by appearing behind him with his knife, causing Jojo to scream and flee in fear.
Strengths
  • Tension-filled confrontation
  • Character development
  • Emotional impact
Weaknesses
  • Jojo's initial fear may come off as exaggerated

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively combines tension, humor, and confrontation to create a compelling moment of conflict and character development.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a hidden Jew in the wall and the confrontation between Jojo and Elsa is innovative and adds depth to the story.

Plot: 8.5

The plot is advanced through the introduction of Elsa and the conflict she brings to Jojo's life, setting up future developments.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the familiar theme of World War II by focusing on the perspective of a young boy grappling with conflicting loyalties and beliefs. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters of Jojo and Elsa are well-developed in this scene, showcasing Jojo's fear and Elsa's defiance.

Character Changes: 8

Jojo experiences a shift in his perception and fear due to the confrontation with Elsa, setting up potential character growth.

Internal Goal: 8

Jojo's internal goal in this scene is to assert his dominance and control over the situation, reflecting his deeper need for power and security in a time of uncertainty and fear.

External Goal: 7.5

Jojo's external goal in this scene is to confront the Jewish girl hiding in his house and demand that she leave, reflecting the immediate challenge of his loyalty to the Nazi regime and his fear of being discovered harboring a Jew.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between Jojo and Elsa is intense and drives the emotional core of the scene.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Jojo facing a difficult challenge in confronting Elsa and asserting his authority, leading to a surprising outcome.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high as Jojo confronts Elsa, a hidden Jew in his house, leading to potential consequences for both characters.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by introducing a significant conflict and character dynamic that will impact future events.

Unpredictability: 8.5

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected appearance of Elsa and the reversal of power dynamics between her and Jojo.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the clash between Jojo's indoctrinated beliefs in Nazi ideology and his growing empathy and connection with Elsa, challenging his values and worldview.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene evokes fear, tension, and defiance, creating a strong emotional impact on the audience.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue between Jojo and Elsa effectively conveys the tension and conflict between them, adding depth to their characters.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the dynamic interaction between the characters, the suspenseful buildup, and the unexpected twist at the end.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, leading to a climactic moment that propels the story forward.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings and dialogue that flows naturally.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, leading to a dramatic reveal that advances the plot and character development.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures Jojo's naivety and the absurdity of his situation through his makeshift armor and the humorous dialogue. However, the transition from the previous scene to this one could be smoother. The abrupt shift from Jojo's internal conflict with Adolf to his confrontation with Elsa feels slightly disjointed. A brief moment of reflection or a line that connects his thoughts about negotiation to his actions could enhance the flow.
  • Jojo's dialogue is both humorous and revealing, showcasing his childish bravado and ignorance. However, the use of 'Jew girl in the wall' feels a bit too on-the-nose and could be softened to maintain the comedic tone while still highlighting his naivety. A more playful or innocent term could make Jojo's character more relatable and less overtly offensive.
  • Elsa's entrance is well-timed and effectively creates a moment of surprise, but her line 'Not okay' could be more impactful. It might benefit from a slight adjustment to convey her authority and the tension of the moment more clearly. Perhaps adding a line that reflects her awareness of Jojo's fear could deepen the character dynamics.
  • The physical comedy of Jojo's armor and his subsequent fall is a strong visual gag, but it could be enhanced by emphasizing the noise it makes. Describing the sound effects in more detail could amplify the humor and absurdity of the situation, making it more vivid for the audience.
  • The scene ends on a strong note with Jojo's frightened reaction, but it could be enriched by a brief moment of silence or a pause after he leaves the room. This would allow the audience to absorb the tension and humor before transitioning to the next scene.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a line of internal dialogue for Jojo that reflects his thoughts on negotiation before he confronts Elsa. This could create a smoother transition from the previous scene.
  • Revise Jojo's initial greeting to Elsa to be less direct and more playful, perhaps using a term like 'mysterious girl' instead of 'Jew girl' to maintain humor without being overtly offensive.
  • Enhance Elsa's line upon her entrance to convey more authority or awareness of Jojo's fear, possibly by adding a line that acknowledges his discomfort.
  • Include more detailed sound descriptions of Jojo's armor clanking as he moves, which would heighten the comedic effect and make the scene more engaging.
  • Add a moment of silence or a pause after Jojo's exit to allow the audience to fully appreciate the tension and humor before moving on to the next scene.



Scene 18 -  Mind Games and Mousetraps
INT. JOJO’S HOUSE - JOJO’S BEDROOM - DAY

Back in his bedroom, the door firmly shut.

ADOLF
Great, now she’s got TWO knives!

JOJO
I know!

ADOLF
How are you going to chop up stuff?!

JOJO
I don’t know!

ADOLF
And she’s still up there!

JOJO
You’re the expert, you think of
something!

Hitler lights another cigarette, offers it to Jojo.

JOJO (CONT’D)
I don’t smoke! Stop offering me
fucking cigarettes! I’m TEN!

ADOLF
Sorry, sorry, this is stressful.

They start pacing, thinking, pacing, thinking... Hitler produces
a CAN OF GASOLINE and some MATCHES. Jojo waves it away. They
pace and think some more... As Jojo paces back he turns to see
Hitler has made a giant MOUSETRAP CONTRAPTION. He gestures “What
about this?” Jojo shrugs, “Maybe”... and paces some more.

ADOLF (CONT’D)
Okay, let’s talk like turkeys. I guess
you can’t tell your mother or the Jew
will cut off your Nazi head. No real
way around that right now. But y’know,
there’s no reason this thing in the
attic needs to ruin your life. I think
you could use it to your advantage.

JOJO
How?

ADOLF
Well, when someone tries to use mind-
powers on me, you know what I do?
(MORE)

ADOLF (CONT'D)
(beat)
Use mind powers back on them.

Jojo perks up.

ADOLF (CONT’D)
Remember last year when that pirate,
Von Stauffenberg tried to blow me up
with a bomb?

JOJO
Yeah, but you survived.

ADOLF
Correct-a-mundo. But the only reason I
survived, apart from having bomb-proof
legs, is because I outwitted old Von
Stauffy. I let him think I was dead
when in actual fact I was fine. By
pretending I was dead I drew out all
the traitors. So, what are you going
to do?

JOJO
Pretend I’m dead?

ADOLF
Exactly. Wait. No. I think what I mean
is this: Make her feel safe and she
will drop her guard and then you will
be the one in control.

JOJO
Is that “Reverse Psychology”?

ADOLF
Umm, I don’t think so. Let’s not
complicate things. Stick with my idea -
use mind-powers back on her - and
you’ll be fine.
(checks his watch)
I gotta go. Good luck and remember the
old saying: a Jew living in your wall
is better than a two Jews flying
around eating innocent Nazis.

He climbs out the window.

ADOLF (CONT’D)
And don’t give her any more KNIVES!

He winks and is gone. Out on Jojo’s worried face.
Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

Summary In Jojo's bedroom, Jojo confides in his imaginary friend Adolf Hitler about his fears regarding his mother, who wields two knives. They brainstorm strategies to handle her, with Adolf suggesting the use of 'mind powers' and reverse psychology. The conversation is laced with dark humor as Adolf proposes absurd plans, including a giant mousetrap. The scene ends with Adolf climbing out the window, leaving Jojo anxious and uncertain about how to confront the looming threat.
Strengths
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Unique concept
  • Character development
Weaknesses
  • Potential for tonal inconsistency

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively blends humor and tension, providing insight into Jojo's internal conflict and the unique dynamics of his relationship with his imaginary friend. The dialogue is engaging and showcases Jojo's growth and decision-making process.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of using an imaginary Adolf Hitler to provide guidance to Jojo in a challenging situation is innovative and adds a unique layer to the narrative. It explores themes of power dynamics, manipulation, and personal growth.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene focuses on Jojo's dilemma with the Jewish girl in his walls and his attempts to navigate the situation. It advances the overall narrative by showcasing Jojo's internal conflict and decision-making process.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on historical events, blending dark humor with poignant moments. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters of Jojo and Adolf Hitler are well-developed in this scene, with Jojo facing a moral dilemma and seeking guidance from his imaginary friend. Their interactions reveal Jojo's growth and internal struggles.

Character Changes: 8

Jojo undergoes a significant character change in this scene, as he confronts a challenging situation and seeks guidance from his imaginary friend. His decision-making process and growth are central to the scene.

Internal Goal: 8

Jojo's internal goal in this scene is to find a way to deal with the situation of having a Jewish girl hidden in his house without endangering himself or his family. This reflects his deeper need for safety and security, as well as his fear of being discovered and punished.

External Goal: 7.5

Jojo's external goal in this scene is to come up with a plan to handle the presence of the Jewish girl in his house without getting caught. This reflects the immediate challenge he is facing and the need to protect himself and his family.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict in the scene arises from Jojo's dilemma with the Jewish girl in his walls and his internal struggle to navigate the situation. It adds tension and complexity to the narrative, driving character development.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Jojo facing internal and external challenges that push him to make difficult decisions. The uncertainty of the outcome adds to the tension and suspense.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are moderately high in the scene, as Jojo grapples with a difficult situation involving a Jewish girl hiding in his walls. His decisions and actions have consequences, adding tension and complexity to the narrative.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by advancing Jojo's character development and highlighting his internal conflict. It sets the stage for future events and adds depth to the overall narrative.

Unpredictability: 8.5

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in the dialogue and character interactions. The audience is kept on their toes, unsure of how the situation will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the clash between Nazi ideology and moral values. Jojo is torn between his indoctrinated beliefs about Jews and the realization that the girl in his house is not a threat. This challenges his worldview and forces him to question his beliefs.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene elicits a range of emotions, from anxiety to humor, as Jojo grapples with a difficult situation and seeks guidance from his imaginary friend. It engages the audience and adds depth to Jojo's character.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue in the scene is engaging and humorous, capturing the unique dynamic between Jojo and Adolf Hitler. It effectively conveys Jojo's internal conflict and decision-making process while maintaining a lighthearted tone.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its blend of humor, tension, and emotional depth. The dynamic between Jojo and Hitler keeps the audience invested in their interactions and the unfolding plot.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a balance of dialogue, action, and reflection. The rhythm keeps the audience engaged and builds tension effectively.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings, dialogue, and action descriptions. It is easy to follow and visually engaging.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm contribute to its effectiveness.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the absurdity of Jojo's situation through the humorous dialogue between him and his imaginary friend Adolf Hitler. The contrast between Jojo's childish innocence and the dark context of his reality is well-executed, creating a blend of comedy and tension.
  • Jojo's character development is evident as he grapples with fear and confusion regarding Elsa's presence. His interactions with Adolf highlight his internal conflict and the absurdity of his beliefs, which adds depth to his character.
  • The pacing of the scene is dynamic, with the characters moving around and brainstorming solutions. However, the pacing could benefit from more variation; moments of stillness or silence could enhance the tension and allow the audience to absorb Jojo's fear more deeply.
  • The dialogue is sharp and witty, but some lines could be tightened for clarity. For instance, Adolf's suggestion about using 'mind powers' could be more concise to maintain the comedic rhythm without losing the audience's attention.
  • The visual elements, such as the giant mousetrap contraption, add a layer of absurdity that complements the dialogue. However, more descriptive language could enhance the imagery and help the audience visualize Jojo's frantic state and the ridiculousness of the situation.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment of silence or stillness where Jojo reflects on his fear before engaging in the brainstorming with Adolf. This could heighten the tension and make the humor that follows more impactful.
  • Tighten some of the dialogue to maintain a brisk pace. For example, streamline Adolf's explanation of his survival to keep the focus on Jojo's reaction and the absurdity of the situation.
  • Incorporate more visual descriptions of Jojo's makeshift armor and the mousetrap contraption to enhance the comedic effect and help the audience visualize the scene more vividly.
  • Explore Jojo's emotional state further by including internal monologue or physical reactions that convey his anxiety and fear more explicitly, allowing the audience to connect with his character on a deeper level.
  • Consider ending the scene with a stronger emotional beat, perhaps by lingering on Jojo's worried face for a moment longer before cutting to the next scene, emphasizing the weight of his situation.



Scene 19 -  Whispers in the Attic
INT. JOJO’S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - EVENING

Jojo sits in the living room, a look of utter fear and confusion
covers his face. The house is silent save for the ticking of a
clock.


INT. JOJO’S HOUSE - KITCHEN - EVENING

Jojo stands in the kitchen holding a piece of bread in his hand,
still staring into space. A tap drips to the same rhythm of the
clock.


EXT. JOJO’S HOUSE - FRONT DOOR - EVENING

Jojo waits on the steps of his house. The sound of dripping is
replaced by a man walking down the street in hard shoes. Across
the road a neighbour peers through their curtain.


INT. JOJO’S HOUSE - FRAU BETLZER’S ROOM - EVENING

Jojo sits in his mother’s room on the bed. The house is silent
save for the ticking of Jojo’s watch.

We hear a car pull up, the door close, footsteps. Frau Betzler
enters the house. Jojo runs to meet her...


INT. JOJO’S HOUSE - FRONT DOOR - CONTINUOUS

He meets his mother at the front door.

JOJO
Mama!

FRAU BETZLER
Darling, darling, why are you still
up? Did you eat?

JOJO
It’s 10 o’clock. Where have you been?!

FRAU BETZLER
Oh cub, I was just taking a long walk
and having a think. I lost track of
time.

JOJO
Mama you should be careful. They frown
upon those who display sneaky
behaviour.


FRAU BETZLER
Sneaky?! You goose. I promise things
will be back to normal soon. Trust me.
How was the Hitlerjugend? Did you get
some helpful work done today?

JOJO
Yes. Mama, I need to have a grown-up
conversation with you.
(under his breath)
And what did you achieve?

No answer, Frau Betzler notices one of Jojo’s laces are untied
again.

FRAU BETZLER
(crouching to tie them)
Oh, your laces, you really must--

JOJO
I heard the her.

FRAU BETZLER
(jumping)
What?

Jojo keeps watching, trying to work her out.

JOJO
(staring at his mother)
Inga. Her ghost is here.

FRAU BETZLER
(laughing)
Oh for Heaven’s sake what are you
talking about?

JOJO
Noises.

FRAU BETZLER
Oh come on. You mean the RATS?! We
have rats in the attic and yes, I’ve
heard them too. Honestly, ghosts?!
Actually, I’ve been meaning to say;
you probably shouldn’t go up there
till I’ve caught them all, they have
diseases and I don’t need you getting
sick. Okay?
(beat)
Okay?

Jojo nods.


JOJO
Okay mama.

FRAU BETZLER
Now, I left my gloves in a dream,
could you be a darling and go get them
for me?
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In a tense evening scene, Jojo anxiously navigates his home, worried about his mother's late return and haunted by the belief that he has heard a ghost. His mother, Frau Betzler, attempts to calm him, attributing the noises to rats in the attic and assuring him that everything will be fine. Despite her reassurances, Jojo's fears remain unresolved, highlighting the conflict between his anxiety and her dismissive attitude. The scene captures a blend of maternal comfort and underlying tension, ending with a call to normalcy as Frau Betzler asks Jojo to fetch her gloves.
Strengths
  • Effective use of sound and setting to create atmosphere
  • Strong emotional impact
  • Intriguing concept of a potential ghost in the attic
Weaknesses
  • Limited external conflict
  • Dialogue could be more dynamic

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys Jojo's fear and confusion through the use of silence, ticking clocks, and dripping sounds. The tension and curiosity surrounding the potential ghost in the attic add depth to the scene, keeping the audience engaged. The somber tone and warm interaction between Jojo and his mother provide emotional depth.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of Jojo believing he hears his deceased sister's ghost in the attic is intriguing and adds depth to his character. The scene effectively explores themes of fear, loss, and the supernatural in a subtle and engaging way.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene revolves around Jojo's fear and confusion regarding the potential ghost in the attic. It adds a layer of mystery and tension to the overall story, hinting at deeper emotional themes and character development.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the theme of ghosts and the supernatural, blending it with everyday family interactions. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

Jojo is portrayed as fearful and confused, adding complexity to his character. Frau Betzler's warm and reassuring presence contrasts with Jojo's emotions, providing a sense of comfort amidst the tension. Their interaction reveals their bond and adds depth to their relationship.

Character Changes: 7

Jojo experiences a shift in his emotions, moving from fear and confusion to a sense of warmth and reassurance through his interaction with Frau Betzler. This change adds depth to his character and hints at potential growth.

Internal Goal: 8

Jojo's internal goal in this scene is to confront his mother about his fears and suspicions regarding the presence of ghosts in the house. This reflects his deeper need for reassurance and understanding from his mother, as well as his desire to protect her.

External Goal: 7

Jojo's external goal in this scene is to retrieve his mother's gloves from the dream she mentioned. This reflects the immediate challenge of fulfilling his mother's request and showing his care for her.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, as Jojo grapples with his fear and confusion regarding the potential ghost in the attic. The tension and mystery surrounding the situation create a sense of conflict within Jojo.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Jojo's suspicions conflicting with his mother's rational explanations, creating tension and uncertainty for the audience.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes in the scene are primarily emotional, as Jojo grapples with his fear and confusion regarding the potential ghost in the attic. The emotional impact of the situation adds depth to the scene.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by deepening Jojo's character development and hinting at potential conflicts and resolutions. The introduction of the potential ghost in the attic adds intrigue and sets the stage for future developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected reveal of the presence of rats in the attic instead of ghosts, adding a twist to Jojo's suspicions.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is between Jojo's belief in the presence of ghosts and his mother's rational explanation of rats in the attic. This challenges Jojo's beliefs and values, as well as his worldview.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene has a strong emotional impact, evoking feelings of fear, confusion, and warmth. Jojo's internal struggles and Frau Betzler's attempts to reassure him create a poignant and emotional atmosphere.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue effectively conveys Jojo's fear and confusion, as well as Frau Betzler's attempts to reassure him. The conversation about the potential ghost in the attic adds intrigue and depth to the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the blend of mystery, humor, and emotional depth in the characters' interactions. The dialogue keeps the audience intrigued and invested in the unfolding story.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and suspense through the characters' interactions and the reveal of new information.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings and character actions.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear transitions between locations and well-paced dialogue.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures Jojo's fear and confusion, which is a strong emotional anchor. However, the transition from his fear of Elsa to his concern for his mother could be more seamless. The dialogue could better reflect Jojo's internal conflict regarding his feelings about Elsa and his mother, creating a more layered emotional experience.
  • Frau Betzler's character comes across as somewhat dismissive of Jojo's fears, which could be interpreted as a lack of depth in her character. Adding a moment where she acknowledges Jojo's feelings more seriously could enhance her role as a protective mother, making her more relatable and complex.
  • The use of silence and sound, such as the ticking clock and dripping tap, is effective in building tension. However, the scene could benefit from more varied auditory elements that reflect Jojo's emotional state, such as a heartbeat sound or muffled voices, to heighten the sense of anxiety.
  • The dialogue feels a bit expository at times, particularly when Jojo mentions needing a 'grown-up conversation.' This could be rephrased to sound more natural and less like a setup for the audience. Instead, consider using subtext to convey Jojo's seriousness without explicitly stating it.
  • The pacing of the scene is generally good, but it could be tightened by reducing some of the repetitive elements, such as Jojo's concern about his mother being out late. Instead, focus on the emotional stakes of the conversation, allowing the tension to build more organically.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment where Jojo expresses his fear about Elsa more directly to Frau Betzler, allowing for a deeper exploration of his internal conflict and the stakes involved.
  • Enhance Frau Betzler's character by giving her a moment of vulnerability or concern for Jojo's well-being, which would create a more balanced dynamic between mother and son.
  • Incorporate more varied sound design to reflect Jojo's emotional state, such as a heartbeat or muffled sounds, to amplify the tension and unease he feels.
  • Revise the dialogue to make it feel more organic and less expository. Use subtext to convey Jojo's seriousness without explicitly stating it, allowing the audience to infer his deeper concerns.
  • Tighten the pacing by eliminating repetitive dialogue and focusing on the emotional stakes of the conversation, allowing the tension to build more naturally.



Scene 20 -  A Tender Goodnight
INT. JOJO’S HOUSE - JOJO’S ROOM - MOMENTS LATER

Frau Betzler tucks Jojo into bed.

JOJO
Mama, do you miss papa?

FRAU BETZLER
Like the sun misses the moon.

JOJO
And you miss Inga.

FRAU BETZLER
Like the moon misses the sun.

JOJO
Are you going to bed now?

FRAU BETZLER
Of course. I need to tidy up some
things before bed.

JOJO
What things?

FRAU BETZLER
Mama things. Boy, you really have to
trust me, I’m the boss here.

A beautiful smile appears across her face, she WINKS. Jojo can’t
help a tiny smirk, he tries a return wink but can’t.

FRAU BETZLER (CONT’D)
Like this.

She demonstrates and winks again, Jojo attempts a return wink
but isn’t getting it.

FRAU BETZLER (CONT’D)
Yeah, but with just one eye. You can
do it.


They continue this hopeful exchange a few more times. She
eventually places a finger over one of his eyes. He blinks his
other eye.

FRAU BETZLER (CONT’D)
There you go! You got it! Now go get
my gloves, will ya? I left them by a
rainbow.

She kisses him good-night and turns out the light.
Genres: ["Drama","Family"]

Summary In Jojo's bedroom, Frau Betzler comforts her son as they share a heartfelt conversation about missing loved ones. Jojo expresses his vulnerability, longing for his father and sister, while Frau Betzler reassures him with warmth and affection. They engage in a playful moment as she teaches him how to wink, culminating in a sweet goodnight kiss and a promise of love, leaving Jojo feeling secure.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Authenticity
Weaknesses
  • Limited plot progression
  • Low conflict level

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene is beautifully crafted to evoke a sense of warmth and comfort, portraying the bond between Jojo and his mother in a heartwarming and endearing manner.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of showcasing a bedtime routine between Jojo and his mother is simple yet powerful, emphasizing the importance of familial love and support in the midst of challenging circumstances.

Plot: 8.5

While the scene does not significantly advance the main plot, it serves as a crucial moment of character development and emotional depth, enriching the audience's understanding of Jojo's relationship with his mother.

Originality: 7

The level of originality in this scene is moderate, with a fresh approach to exploring themes of loss, family, and connection through intimate and playful interactions between characters. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds depth and relatability to the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The scene effectively portrays the characters of Jojo and his mother, showcasing their affectionate dynamic and highlighting their individual personalities through their interactions.

Character Changes: 7

While there is no significant character change in this scene, it deepens the audience's understanding of Jojo and his relationship with his mother, setting the stage for potential growth and development.

Internal Goal: 8

Jojo's internal goal in this scene is to feel connected to his mother and to understand her feelings about their absent family members. This reflects his deeper need for love, security, and reassurance in the face of loss and uncertainty.

External Goal: 6

Jojo's external goal in this scene is to successfully learn how to wink like his mother. This reflects the immediate challenge of mastering a new skill and connecting with his mother through playful interaction.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 2

There is minimal conflict in the scene, focusing more on the emotional bond between Jojo and his mother rather than external tensions or challenges.

Opposition: 5

The opposition in this scene is mild, with a playful challenge for Jojo to learn how to wink like his mother. The audience is unsure of the outcome but is not faced with a significant obstacle or conflict.

High Stakes: 3

The stakes are low in this scene, focusing more on emotional intimacy and familial bonds rather than external conflicts or challenges.

Story Forward: 6

The scene does not propel the main story forward significantly but adds depth to the characters and their relationships, enriching the narrative.

Unpredictability: 6

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected turns in the dialogue and interactions between characters, keeping the audience engaged and curious about the outcome of the playful exchange.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the theme of loss and longing, as reflected in the dialogue about missing family members. This challenges Jojo's beliefs about family, love, and connection, and highlights the importance of cherishing moments with loved ones.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9.5

The scene has a high emotional impact, eliciting feelings of warmth, love, and comfort through the tender interactions between Jojo and his mother.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene is simple yet poignant, conveying the love and warmth between Jojo and his mother through their playful banter and affectionate gestures.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the heartfelt and relatable interactions between characters, the emotional depth of the dialogue, and the subtle humor woven throughout. The audience is drawn into the intimate moments shared between Jojo and Frau Betzler.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by creating a sense of intimacy and emotional resonance, allowing the audience to connect with the characters and their feelings. The rhythm of the dialogue and interactions enhances the overall impact of the scene.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings, dialogue, and action descriptions. The visual and emotional elements are effectively conveyed through the formatting choices.

Structure: 8

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness in conveying the emotional depth of the characters' interactions.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures a tender moment between Jojo and his mother, showcasing their close relationship amidst the backdrop of war. The dialogue is playful and light-hearted, which contrasts well with the darker themes present in the rest of the screenplay.
  • Frau Betzler's responses are poetic and metaphorical, which adds depth to her character and highlights her emotional state regarding the loss of her husband and daughter. However, the metaphors could be made clearer to ensure that the audience fully grasps their significance.
  • The wink exchange serves as a charming motif, emphasizing Jojo's innocence and childlike nature. However, the repetition of the wink could be streamlined to maintain the scene's pacing and avoid redundancy.
  • The line about retrieving the gloves by a rainbow introduces a whimsical element, but it may come off as slightly confusing or disconnected from the emotional weight of the scene. It could benefit from a more grounded reference that still retains a sense of playfulness.
  • The scene ends on a hopeful note, which is a nice touch, but it might feel abrupt given the tension built up in the previous scenes. A brief moment of reflection or a more explicit acknowledgment of their circumstances could enhance the emotional resonance.
Suggestions
  • Consider simplifying the metaphorical language to make it more accessible for the audience, ensuring that the emotional weight is not lost in abstraction.
  • Streamline the wink exchange to maintain engagement without feeling repetitive. Perhaps limit it to two exchanges instead of several.
  • Clarify the significance of the gloves being by a rainbow. You could replace it with a more relatable or poignant location that ties back to Jojo's memories or experiences.
  • Add a brief moment of silence or reflection after Frau Betzler turns off the light to emphasize the weight of their situation and the contrast between their innocent exchange and the harsh realities outside.
  • Explore the emotional undercurrents of the scene further by incorporating Jojo's thoughts or feelings about his family situation, perhaps through a brief internal monologue or a more direct question to his mother.



Scene 21 -  Secrets and Surrealism
INT. JOJO’S HOUSE - BEDROOM/KITCHEN - NIGHT

Jojo lies in bed, wide awake. We hear a door creak open and
footsteps heading down the hall.

Leaving the safety of his room, Jojo creeps along the hall and
sees candle-light coming from the kitchen. He peers round the
corner and sees a glimpse of his mother’s nightgown as she
prepares something on a plate and disappears around the corner,
tiptoeing upstairs. Jojo follows...


INT. JOJO’S HOUSE - UPSTAIRS HALL - NIGHT

Jojo reaches the top of the stairs in time to see his mother
entering his sister’s room. He stealthily makes his way to the
doorway and sees his mother knocks twice, lightly on a wall,
before removing a panel in the wall, pulling it out towards her.
She whispers something into the darkness of the SECRET ROOM. She
holds out the plate of food and a glass of water. Jojo’s eyes
widen and he trembles with fear as Elsa’s bony white arm extends
from the darkness, her spidery hand opening up and taking the
food. His mother whispers something else and then strokes the
arm, almost like a pet. Jojo steps back into the hall, backing
further away from what he has just seen.

JOJO
(whispering)
Mama what are you doing?? It’s not
allowed...


INT. REHABILITATION CENTRE - DAY

Jojo swims in a pool with various other wounded men. Jojo is
helped by an older woman, HELGA. She stretches his arms.

HELGA
Yes, stretch, you must stretch. Now
squeeze my hand. Squeeze!


A man swims past. He has no arms. Another man has no limbs,
another no face at all.

Hitler swims by wearing a bathing cap, He is looking around at
all the disabled people. He turns back to Jojo, an expression on
his face that says: “How gross are these freaks??” Jojo is
carried away by Helga to the other side of the pool.
Genres: ["Drama","War","Historical"]

Summary In a tense and unsettling scene, Jojo, unable to sleep, follows the sound of footsteps to find his mother secretly feeding Elsa, a hidden figure in their home. Filled with fear and confusion, Jojo whispers in disbelief about the situation. The scene shifts to a rehabilitation center where Jojo swims with wounded men, assisted by Helga, while a surreal moment occurs as Hitler swims by, looking disdainfully at the disabled men. The scene captures Jojo's internal struggle with his mother's secret and the grotesque reality of his surroundings.
Strengths
  • Effective portrayal of fear and tension
  • Compelling character interactions
  • Emotional depth and complexity
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue could be more impactful
  • Moments of predictability

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively combines elements of fear, tension, and warmth to create a compelling narrative. The exploration of secrets and hidden truths adds depth to the story, while the rehabilitation center setting provides a poignant reflection on the consequences of war.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of secrets hidden within the home, juxtaposed with the rehabilitation center setting, adds depth and complexity to the narrative. The scene effectively explores themes of fear, family, and the aftermath of war.

Plot: 8.5

The plot of the scene is engaging and well-developed, with a clear progression from Jojo's initial fear to the discovery of the hidden room. The scene effectively advances the overall narrative while adding depth to the characters.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces unique situations such as the secret room and the unsettling interaction between Jojo's mother and sister. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters in the scene, particularly Jojo and his mother, are well-developed and engaging. Their interactions and emotions drive the narrative forward and provide insight into their relationships and motivations.

Character Changes: 8

The scene showcases a significant change in Jojo's perception and understanding of his home and family, as well as his emotional growth. His mother also exhibits a nurturing and protective side, deepening their relationship.

Internal Goal: 8

Jojo's internal goal in this scene is to understand and come to terms with his mother's actions, which challenge his beliefs and sense of safety.

External Goal: 7

Jojo's external goal in this scene is to navigate the unsettling situation he witnesses with his mother and sister, and to maintain his own safety and understanding.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7.5

The scene contains a moderate level of conflict, primarily driven by Jojo's fear and the tension surrounding the hidden room. The conflict adds depth to the narrative and drives character development.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, as Jojo is faced with unsettling revelations about his family and the harsh realities of the world.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes in the scene are moderately high, as Jojo discovers a hidden secret in his home that could have significant consequences for his family. The tension and fear add to the stakes, driving the narrative forward.

Story Forward: 8

The scene effectively moves the story forward by revealing a hidden secret in Jojo's home and exploring the aftermath of war through the rehabilitation center setting. It adds depth to the narrative and advances character development.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected revelation of the secret room and the unsettling interaction between Jojo's mother and sister.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the clash between Jojo's innocence and the harsh realities of the world, as represented by his mother's actions and the disabled men at the rehabilitation center.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene has a strong emotional impact, eliciting feelings of fear, tension, and warmth in the audience. The exploration of hidden secrets and the aftermath of war adds depth and poignancy to the narrative.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the emotions and tensions between the characters, adding depth to their interactions. However, there are moments where the dialogue could be more impactful or nuanced.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its suspenseful and emotional content, as well as the intriguing mystery surrounding Jojo's mother's actions.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the unfolding events.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene adheres to the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings and descriptions.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows a clear progression from Jojo's discovery in the house to the rehabilitation center, maintaining a cohesive narrative flow.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension and suspense as Jojo follows his mother, creating a sense of curiosity and fear. The use of candlelight adds a haunting atmosphere, enhancing the secretive nature of the interaction between Frau Betzler and Elsa.
  • Jojo's internal conflict is palpable as he grapples with his mother's actions, which are in direct opposition to the ideologies he has been taught. This moment serves as a pivotal point for Jojo's character development, showcasing his innocence and confusion about the world around him.
  • The visual imagery of Elsa's 'bony white arm' reaching out for food is striking and evokes a strong emotional response. It effectively contrasts Jojo's childhood innocence with the grim reality of the situation, highlighting the absurdity and horror of the circumstances.
  • The dialogue is minimal but impactful, with Jojo's whispering question emphasizing his fear and disbelief. However, the scene could benefit from a bit more internal monologue or reflection from Jojo to deepen the audience's understanding of his emotional turmoil.
  • The transition to the rehabilitation center feels abrupt and somewhat disjointed. While it serves to juxtapose Jojo's current state with his past experiences, the connection between the two scenes could be more fluid to maintain narrative cohesion.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief internal monologue for Jojo as he witnesses his mother feeding Elsa. This could provide insight into his conflicting emotions and enhance the audience's connection to his character.
  • To improve the transition to the rehabilitation center, you might include a visual or auditory cue that links the two scenes, such as a sound from the pool that echoes Jojo's fear or a flashback moment that connects his current state to the earlier scene.
  • Explore the use of sound design in the scene. The creaking door and footsteps could be emphasized to heighten the tension, and the whispering dialogue could be made more distinct to draw the audience into the secretive nature of the interaction.
  • Consider expanding on the moment when Jojo sees Elsa's arm. A brief pause or a close-up shot could amplify the horror of the moment, allowing the audience to fully absorb Jojo's shock and fear.
  • You might want to clarify the emotional stakes for Jojo in this scene. What does he fear will happen if he reveals his mother's actions? Adding a layer of urgency to his whisper could enhance the tension and stakes.



Scene 22 -  Absurdity in the Reichsjugendamt
INT. REICHSJUGENDAMT - DAY

Jojo collects the small pile of CONSCRIPTIONS for the day and
approaches Herr Klenzendorf’s office. He enters and we find
Klenzendorf drawing pictures of FANTASY GUNS. Finkel sits at a
smaller table playing with PINK TRIANGLE PATCHES. He holds them
together like a sash and holds them across his chest, smiling at
his pink fashion creation.

JOJO
Excuse me, Herr Klenzendorf.

Finkel drops the pink patches.

KLENZENDORF
(showing his drawing)
Ahh, Jojo. What do you think of this?
It’s a type of Gatling Gun. It is also
mounted with a radio which emits
annoying music to deflect the enemy. I
was thinking Pachelbel would be good.

JOJO
Do you do any actual real work?

KLENZENDORF
Nope. However, now and then I help out
the Grey Goons.

JOJO
Who?

KLENZENDORF
Gestapo. They are low on numbers so
sometimes they make me help them with
their investigations.

JOJO
Ah, that must be exciting, solving
crimes and finding people.

KLENZENDORF
Honestly, they couldn’t find arse in a
shit factory, but if you’re looking
for someone they’re your best bet.
(MORE)

KLENZENDORF (CONT'D)
It’s actually quite boring but at
least I get out of this office and
away from the children. My true place
is at the front. I’m a soldier, not a
baby-sitter.

Jojo sits, time for business.

JOJO
Can I ask you about Jews?

KLENZENDORF
Oh God, why?

JOJO
I’m curious. What happens if I see
one?

KLENZENDORF
Hide the end of your penis!

He collapses into laughter. Finkel joins in, wobbling on his
seat like a giggling jello. Klenzendorf encourages him by miming
a CIRCUMCISION.

KLENZENDORF (CONT’D)
Ha haha, oh boy, I needed that.

FINKEL
Oh yes, me too Captain K. I really
needed to laugh.

KLENZENDORF
Ok, so in reality if you see a Jew you
tell us and then we tell the Gestapo
and they tell the SS and then they go
and kill the Jew. And anyone who
helped the Jew. And, because these are
very paranoid times, probably some
other people just in case. It’s very
convoluted.

Jojo gulps.

JOJO
Even if the Jew hypnotised someone to
make them hide the Jew in the first
place?

KLENZENDORF
Err, yep. Though I’d be amazed if that
could happen. Did you see one?


JOJO
Nope. I wouldn’t be able to tell even
if I did.

KLENZENDORF
Me neither. Without their funny hats
it’s damn near impossible. Someone
should write a book on the subject.

This sparks an idea.

JOJO
I have to go deliver these
conscriptions.

KLENZENDORF
Yes, good man. And watch your willy
out there.

He mimes a pair of scissors ‘SNIP SNIP’ and collapses into a fit
of laughter again, joined by the over-exuberant Finkel.
Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

Summary In Herr Klenzendorf's office at the Reichsjugendamt, Jojo naively inquires about Jews, leading to a darkly comedic exchange with Klenzendorf, who humorously explains the absurd process of reporting a Jew to the Gestapo. Finkel adds to the levity with playful banter, as the trio navigates the grim realities of their environment with inappropriate jokes and laughter, highlighting the absurdity of their situation. The scene ends with Klenzendorf mimicking scissors, reinforcing the dark humor amidst the serious backdrop.
Strengths
  • Effective use of humor to discuss a serious topic
  • Engaging dialogue that reveals character personalities
  • Balanced tone between humor and seriousness
Weaknesses
  • Lack of significant plot advancement
  • Low stakes in the scene

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively balances humor with the serious topic of anti-Semitism, providing insight into the characters' attitudes and beliefs. The dialogue is engaging and informative, adding depth to the narrative.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of using humor to discuss anti-Semitism and the treatment of Jews is innovative and thought-provoking. It adds depth to the characters and the overall narrative.

Plot: 7.5

While the scene doesn't significantly advance the main plot, it provides important context and character development. The discussion about Jews and the treatment of minorities adds layers to the story.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces fresh and provocative ideas through its satirical take on Nazi propaganda and the portrayal of characters grappling with moral dilemmas. The dialogue feels authentic and subverts expectations.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters' personalities shine through in their interactions, showcasing their beliefs and attitudes towards sensitive topics. The humor adds depth to their characterization.

Character Changes: 5

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, it provides insight into the characters' beliefs and attitudes, setting the stage for potential development in future scenes.

Internal Goal: 8

Jojo's internal goal is to understand the truth about Jews and the consequences of encountering one. This reflects his curiosity, innocence, and internal conflict as he grapples with the indoctrination he has received.

External Goal: 7

Jojo's external goal is to deliver the conscriptions. This reflects his duty and obedience to the organization he is a part of.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 5

The conflict in the scene is more subtle, revolving around the characters' differing beliefs and attitudes towards Jews. It adds tension to the dialogue but is not the central focus.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, as Jojo faces conflicting ideologies and moral dilemmas that challenge his beliefs and values.

High Stakes: 4

The stakes in the scene are relatively low, focusing more on character interactions and dialogue. However, the discussion of anti-Semitism adds weight to the scene.

Story Forward: 6

The scene provides important context and character development, setting the stage for future events. While it doesn't significantly advance the main plot, it adds depth to the narrative.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected humor and dark twists in the dialogue, keeping the audience on edge.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict is evident in the normalization of violence and discrimination against Jews, contrasting with Jojo's innocence and curiosity. This challenges his beliefs and values, as he starts to question the propaganda he has been taught.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The scene elicits a mix of emotions, from amusement at the humor to discomfort at the subject matter. It adds depth to the characters and the overall narrative.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is witty, engaging, and informative. It effectively conveys the characters' personalities and beliefs while adding humor to the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its blend of humor and tension, as well as the exploration of complex themes through character interactions.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and revealing character dynamics, leading to a satisfying resolution.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene adheres to the expected format for its genre, with proper scene headings, dialogue formatting, and action descriptions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a coherent structure, with clear character interactions and progression of themes. It maintains tension and intrigue throughout.


Critique
  • The scene effectively uses dark humor to address a serious topic, showcasing the absurdity of the characters' attitudes towards Jews and the Nazi regime. However, the humor may come off as insensitive to some audiences, given the historical context. It's important to balance humor with the gravity of the subject matter to avoid trivializing the Holocaust.
  • Klenzendorf's character is well-established as a disillusioned soldier who prefers to avoid responsibility, which adds depth to his interactions with Jojo. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtlety; the jokes about circumcision and the Gestapo's incompetence might overshadow the underlying tension and fear that should permeate the scene.
  • The pacing of the scene feels uneven. The initial banter is engaging, but the transition to the darker subject of Jews and their persecution could be smoother. The abrupt shift from humor to a serious topic may confuse the audience and dilute the impact of Jojo's inquiry.
  • Jojo's character development is evident as he navigates his curiosity about Jews, but the scene could delve deeper into his internal conflict. His naivety and innocence should be more pronounced, especially when confronted with the harsh realities of the world around him.
  • The visual elements, such as Klenzendorf drawing fantasy guns and Finkel playing with pink patches, effectively set a comedic tone. However, these visuals could be used more strategically to contrast the absurdity of their actions with the grim reality of the Nazi regime, enhancing the scene's thematic depth.
Suggestions
  • Consider toning down some of the more explicit jokes to maintain a balance between humor and the seriousness of the subject matter. This could help avoid alienating the audience while still delivering impactful satire.
  • Enhance Jojo's internal conflict by incorporating more of his thoughts or feelings about the discussions surrounding Jews. This could be achieved through internal monologue or more expressive dialogue that reveals his confusion and fear.
  • Smooth the transition between humor and serious topics by introducing a moment of tension or discomfort before discussing Jews. This could involve Jojo's hesitation or a change in Klenzendorf's demeanor, signaling the gravity of the conversation.
  • Explore the dynamics between Jojo and Klenzendorf further. Perhaps Klenzendorf could show a moment of vulnerability or doubt about the regime, which would add complexity to his character and provide a more nuanced perspective on the absurdity of their situation.
  • Utilize visual metaphors or symbols to enhance the thematic contrast between the characters' frivolous activities and the dark realities of the Nazi regime. For example, juxtaposing Klenzendorf's drawings with images of war or oppression could deepen the audience's understanding of the characters' denial.



Scene 23 -  Negotiating Secrets
INT. JOJO’S HOUSE - INGA’S BEDROOM - MORNING

Jojo stands in his sister’s room, while Elsa sits in the doorway
to her hideout. She still has the knife and digs it into the
floor.

JOJO
Ok here’s the situation. If I tell on
you, you’ll be in big trouble and I
don’t think you want that. But then
you’ll tell on me and my mother, which
I don’t want. And if you tell my
mother I know, then she’ll kick you
out which you don’t want. And if I
tell my mother I know, then you’ll cut
off my head, which I don’t want.

ELSA
A stalemate.

JOJO
Indeed. So, we must make a compromise.
I have thought deeply about this and I
now conclude that it’s better to have
you locked up in the house rather than
letting you run around town causing
Jewish havoc.

ELSA
I see.


JOJO
However, I have some conditions for
allowing you to stay here in my house.

ELSA
Conditions?

JOJO
Yes. I will not cause any trouble for
you if you promise to tell me
everything about the Jewish race.

ELSA
Ok. We’re like you but human. Done.

JOJO
Please take this seriously. I want to
know all your secrets, how you shape-
shift, what you eat, how to tell a Jew
from a real person and, where you
build your hives. Think of it as an
exposé.

ELSA
An exposé.

JOJO
On Jews, yes. I will deliver my
findings to the authorities and
hopefully get a medal or promotion of
some sort.

ELSA
Wow.

JOJO
What? I think that’s quite reasonable.

ELSA
You’re a little bit of an idiot aren’t
you? Why do you want this?

JOJO
Because I’m interested, that’s all.

ELSA
There are already Jew hunters.

Elsa stands and enters Inga’s room. Jojo keeps his distance.

JOJO
Well they’re not doing their best are
they? You’ve been here at least a
month.


ELSA
Three to be exact.

JOJO
Three?!

ELSA
You were asleep for two of them.

Elsa sits on Inga’s bed.

JOJO
Kindly refrain from sitting on my
sister’s bed.

ELSA
Why? She doesn’t need it.

JOJO
You know nothing of my sister.

ELSA
You don’t remember me do you?
(beat)
Inga and I were friends. I took violin
lessons with her when we were 10. We
practiced in this very room, sat on
this very bed. I was sad to hear of
her passing.

JOJO
You are not to talk of her.

ELSA
I remember you too. Such a funny
little boy, always trying to get in
here and play. Who knew you’d grow
into such a little... Nazi.

JOJO
Enough with the small talk. Start
telling me about your kind. I’m
interested especially in how you can
turn into animals and what your real
skin looks like.
(beat)
And the horns please.

Elsa stands. She walks to the window, peeks out.

ELSA
The neighbours are suspicious. They
always watch the house.


JOJO
Then get away from the window.

ELSA
The world is paranoid isn’t it?
Everyone watching each other,
informing on each other.

JOJO
You’re really not telling me anything
useful. Now, there are some things I
already know, like the fact that you -
Jews - love ugliness. You don’t like
pretty things like... flowers or
butterflies.

ELSA
Where did you hear that?

JOJO
School.

ELSA
You like butterflies?

JOJO
They’re okay. I’m more into guns. What
do you like?

Elsa laughs and moves away from the window.

ELSA
Ok. We are demons who love money,
that’s clear right?

JOJO
Of course.

ELSA
But what people don’t know is that we
are also allergic to food.

JOJO
What?

ELSA
Cheese, bread and sausages. Those
things will kill us instantly. So...
if you’re thinking of ending my life,
feeding me those things is the
quickest way. And Cake. Lethal.

Jojo is puzzled. Finally gets it.


JOJO
Very funny.

ELSA
I’m going back in my cave, the
sunlight weakens me.

Jojo writes that information down. She goes into her hideout and
closes the door behind her. Jojo sits there, not sure what else
to say.

JOJO
(loudly)
Ok, that’s enough for today. We’ll
continue tomorrow.
(beat)
Okay?

ELSA (O.S.)
(From the wall)
Piss off.

Jojo packs his book away and leaves.
Genres: ["Drama","Historical","War"]

Summary In Inga's bedroom, Jojo confronts Elsa, seeking a truce regarding her presence in the house. They engage in a tense negotiation about revealing secrets, with Jojo demanding information about Jewish people. Elsa humorously counters his misconceptions, sharing memories of her friendship with Jojo's late sister, Inga. Their conversation oscillates between serious and comedic, highlighting Jojo's ignorance and Elsa's defiance. The scene concludes with Elsa retreating to her hideout after a joke about Jewish food allergies, leaving Jojo uncertain about their future interactions.
Strengths
  • Tension-filled dialogue
  • Complex character dynamics
  • Effective pacing and tone
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue may come off as overly expository

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively builds tension and suspense through the interaction between Jojo and Elsa, showcasing their conflicting motives and the precarious nature of their relationship. The darkly comedic elements add depth to the scene, creating a unique blend of emotions.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of negotiation and compromise in the face of fear and power dynamics is compelling and well-developed in the scene. It explores themes of trust, manipulation, and survival in a unique and engaging way.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene revolves around the negotiation between Jojo and Elsa, driving the character development and conflict forward. It adds depth to the overall narrative and sets up future developments effectively.

Originality: 9

The scene demonstrates a high level of originality through its fresh approach to the historical setting, the unique dynamic between the characters, and the dark humor used to address serious themes. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds depth and complexity to the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters of Jojo and Elsa are well-defined and their interactions are nuanced, showcasing their conflicting personalities and motivations. Their development in the scene adds layers to their relationship and sets the stage for future conflicts.

Character Changes: 8

Both Jojo and Elsa undergo subtle changes in the scene, as they navigate their negotiation and confront their fears and motivations. Their evolving dynamic sets the stage for future character development and conflicts.

Internal Goal: 8

Jojo's internal goal in this scene is to understand and control the situation with Elsa, while also grappling with his own curiosity and conflicting emotions towards her. This reflects his deeper need for acceptance, belonging, and a sense of power in a chaotic world.

External Goal: 7

Jojo's external goal in this scene is to gather information about Jewish people from Elsa in exchange for allowing her to stay in his house. This reflects the immediate challenge of navigating their dangerous situation and maintaining control over Elsa.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict in the scene is palpable, driven by the power struggle between Jojo and Elsa as they navigate their precarious situation. The tension and suspense are effectively conveyed, adding depth to the narrative.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting goals, hidden agendas, and shifting power dynamics between Jojo and Elsa. The audience is kept on edge by the uncertainty of the characters' intentions and the potential consequences of their actions.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes in the scene are high, as Jojo and Elsa negotiate their fragile truce while balancing their fears and motivations. The potential consequences of their actions add tension and urgency to the scene.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by deepening the conflict between Jojo and Elsa, setting up future plot developments and character arcs. It adds complexity to the narrative and propels the story towards its resolution.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting power dynamics, the characters' hidden motives, and the unexpected revelations about Elsa's true nature. The audience is kept guessing about the characters' intentions and the direction of the scene.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between Jojo's indoctrinated beliefs about Jewish people and Elsa's humanity and individuality. This challenges Jojo's values, worldview, and sense of morality, as he grapples with the complexity of the situation.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from anxiety to curiosity to conflict, as the characters navigate their complex relationship. The emotional depth adds resonance to the scene and engages the audience on a visceral level.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene is sharp and engaging, capturing the tension and dynamics between Jojo and Elsa effectively. It reveals their personalities and motivations, driving the negotiation and conflict forward.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the intense dialogue, the moral complexity of the characters' interactions, and the suspenseful atmosphere created by the conflicting goals and hidden agendas. The scene keeps the audience on edge and invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension, revealing character dynamics, and maintaining the audience's interest. The rhythm of the dialogue and the strategic placement of reveals and confrontations enhance the scene's impact.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene descriptions, character actions, and dialogue. The formatting enhances the readability and impact of the scene.

Structure: 8

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear character motivations, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness by building tension and revealing character dynamics.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the tension between Jojo and Elsa, showcasing their conflicting perspectives and the absurdity of Jojo's beliefs about Jews. However, the dialogue can feel a bit too on-the-nose at times, particularly Jojo's insistence on wanting to know about Jewish 'secrets.' This could be refined to create a more subtle exploration of his ignorance and curiosity.
  • Elsa's character shines through her responses, particularly her sarcastic humor, which adds depth to her character. However, the scene could benefit from more emotional stakes. While Jojo's naivety is clear, Elsa's emotional connection to Inga and her own plight could be emphasized further to create a stronger contrast between their experiences.
  • The pacing of the scene feels uneven at times. The back-and-forth banter is engaging, but it occasionally drags when Jojo insists on his misconceptions. Tightening these exchanges could maintain the scene's momentum and keep the audience engaged.
  • The humor in the scene is effective, particularly in Elsa's playful mockery of Jojo's beliefs. However, the balance between humor and the serious undertones of their situation could be better managed. Some jokes may undermine the gravity of the context, so careful consideration of where to place humor is essential.
  • The visual elements, such as Jojo's physical distance from Elsa and her digging the knife into the floor, are strong. However, more descriptive actions could enhance the tension. For example, showing Jojo's body language—his nervousness or bravado—could add layers to his character and the scene's dynamics.
Suggestions
  • Consider refining Jojo's dialogue to make his ignorance more implicit rather than explicit. This could involve him asking more innocent questions rather than making bold statements about Jewish 'secrets.'
  • Enhance Elsa's emotional depth by incorporating more of her backstory with Inga. Perhaps she could share a brief, poignant memory that highlights her loss and connects her to Jojo, creating a more profound emotional resonance.
  • Tighten the pacing by cutting down on repetitive statements or ideas. Focus on the most impactful lines that reveal character and advance the plot.
  • Reassess the placement of humor in the scene. Ensure that jokes serve to highlight character traits or the absurdity of the situation without detracting from the underlying tension and stakes.
  • Add more physicality to Jojo's character. Show his nervous habits or bravado through actions, such as fidgeting with the knife or pacing, to visually convey his internal conflict and enhance the scene's tension.



Scene 24 -  A Comedic Distraction
INT. JOJO’S HOUSE - EVENING

Jojo waits patiently in the living room.

ADOLF (O.S.)
She’s pretty rude, y’know.

Jojo turns to see Adolf, standing in the doorway dressed as a
Native American, complete with leather tunic and feather head-
dress. He also smokes a long peace-pipe which he offers to Jojo.

ADOLF (CONT’D)
That’s just my 2 pfennige.

JOJO
She doesn’t want to talk to me. This
book is going to be harder to write
than I thought.

ADOLF
Do you want to play Cowboys and
Indians? It might help take your mind
off the whole secret Jewish girl in
the attic thing.

Suddenly we hear the front door open and Frau Betzler bursting
in, flustered. She closes the door loudly and in a loud voice:


FRAU BETZLER (O.S.)
Hallo house! I’m home!

Hitler scurries around the room in a panic looking for somewhere
to hide and finding nothing, hugs the wall. He closes his eyes
tightly and holds his breath.

JOJO
(whispering)
She can’t see you.

ADOLF
(whispering)
I know. Especially not now that I’m
blending in to my surroundings.

We pull back to reveal Hitler, still dressed as an American
Indian, frozen in a pose that doesn’t blend in to his
surroundings.

ADOLF (CONT’D)
(whispering)
It also helps if I can’t see her.

He closes his eyes tightly. Frau Betzler enters.

FRAU BETZLER
Hello my darling!

She quickly scoots to the window and looks out to the street,
muttering to herself.

JOJO
Where have you been? It’s 6 o’clock
and I’ve had a hell of a day.

FRAU BETZLER
Sorry, my love. I was at the library.

JOJO
We can’t eat books!

FRAU BETZLER
How do you know? Have you even tried?
Don’t limit yourself, kid.
(laughing)
Come now Jojo. I’m still a mama Lion
you know. And mama Lions are the best
hunters in the pride...

She reveals a 1/2 LOAF OF BREAD, some CHEESE and a small bag of
VEGETABLES.


JOJO
Where did you get that?

FRAU BETZLER
Who’s asking?

JOJO
Me. Where is it from?

FRAU BETZLER
God, What are you, the Food Gestapo?
Sheesh kid, give a girl a break. These
are tough times and I got us food; end
of discussion!

JOJO
Who was out the window?

FRAU BETZLER
Himmler. He’s cleaning the yard and
I’m making sure he doesn’t slack on
the job.

She laughs hysterically and moves off to the kitchen. Hitler
exhales and opens his eyes.

ADOLF
Phew.

Jojo goes to the window. Outside, a car drives slowly past the
house. It resumes a normal speed and disappears into the night.

ADOLF (CONT’D)
Well, I guess Cowboys and Indians is
off the cards. I may as well go home
and have dinner too.
(then)
She lied by the way; your mother.
Himmler’s not out there.

Adolf leaves.
Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

Summary In Jojo's living room, he struggles with writing a book while hiding a secret Jewish girl in the attic. Adolf, humorously disguised as a Native American, tries to lighten the mood with a peace-pipe and a game suggestion. Their banter is interrupted by the cheerful and teasing Frau Betzler, who brings food from the library, deflecting Jojo's questions about its source. As Adolf panics and hides from her, he reveals her lie about Himmler being outside before deciding to leave for dinner. The scene blends humor with underlying tension, leaving Jojo's concerns unresolved.
Strengths
  • Effective blend of humor and tension
  • Unique concept with Adolf Hitler as an imaginary friend
  • Strong character dynamics and relationships
Weaknesses
  • Limited external conflict
  • Some dialogue may be overly comedic at times

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively combines humor, tension, and character dynamics to create an engaging and memorable moment. The introduction of Adolf Hitler as an imaginary friend adds a unique twist to the narrative, enhancing the scene's complexity and entertainment value.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of incorporating Adolf Hitler as an imaginary friend in a historical setting is innovative and adds depth to the narrative. The scene explores themes of secrecy, fear, and family dynamics in a unique and compelling way.

Plot: 8

The plot progression in the scene is driven by the characters' interactions and the revelation of secrets, adding layers to the story. The introduction of conflict and humor keeps the audience engaged and sets the stage for future developments.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces fresh and original elements, such as the presence of Adolf Hitler as an imaginary friend and the darkly comedic interactions between the characters. The dialogue feels authentic and unique to the characters' personalities.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters are well-developed, with distinct personalities and motivations that drive the scene forward. Jojo's anxiety, Frau Betzler's warmth, and Adolf Hitler's comedic presence create a dynamic and engaging dynamic.

Character Changes: 7

Jojo experiences a shift in his perception of the situation, from fear and anxiety to a sense of humor and resilience. The introduction of Adolf Hitler as an imaginary friend also adds complexity to Jojo's character.

Internal Goal: 8

Jojo's internal goal is to navigate the challenges of writing a book while dealing with the complexities of his personal life, including his imaginary friend Adolf Hitler and the secret Jewish girl in the attic. This reflects his deeper need for understanding and acceptance.

External Goal: 7

Jojo's external goal is to maintain a sense of normalcy and protect his secret while interacting with his mother and dealing with the presence of Adolf Hitler. This reflects the immediate circumstances and challenges he's facing in his household.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, focusing on Jojo's anxiety and the tension surrounding the hidden Jewish girl. The humor and tension add layers to the conflict, keeping the audience engaged.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create tension and conflict, particularly in Jojo's interactions with his mother and Adolf Hitler. The audience is left uncertain about the outcome of these conflicts.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes in the scene are primarily emotional and psychological, focusing on Jojo's anxiety and the tension surrounding the hidden Jewish girl. The humor and tension add complexity to the stakes, keeping the audience engaged.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing new conflicts, deepening character relationships, and setting the stage for future developments. The revelation of secrets and the introduction of humor add layers to the narrative.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected actions of the characters and the shifting dynamics between them. The audience is kept on their toes, unsure of how the situation will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the juxtaposition of innocence and darkness, as seen through Jojo's interactions with his imaginary friend Adolf Hitler and the reality of Nazi Germany. This challenges Jojo's beliefs and values, highlighting the complexities of his situation.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from anxiety to affection to humor, creating a nuanced and engaging experience for the audience. The emotional impact adds depth to the characters and the story.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue effectively conveys the characters' emotions, humor, and tensions, adding depth to the scene. The interactions feel authentic and contribute to the overall tone and atmosphere of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its blend of humor, drama, and suspense. The interactions between the characters and the unfolding of the plot keep the audience invested in the story.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a good balance of dialogue and action that keeps the story moving forward. The rhythm of the scene adds to its effectiveness and impact.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene adheres to the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting. The visual descriptions are vivid and help set the tone of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a coherent structure that balances dialogue, action, and character interactions effectively. It maintains a good pace and rhythm, contributing to the overall flow of the narrative.


Critique
  • The scene effectively uses humor to juxtapose the serious themes of the story, particularly with the absurdity of Adolf Hitler appearing as a Native American. This choice is provocative and can elicit both laughter and discomfort, which aligns with the film's overall tone. However, the humor may risk overshadowing the underlying tension regarding Jojo's situation with Elsa, the hidden Jewish girl.
  • Frau Betzler's entrance adds a layer of chaos and urgency, which is well-executed. Her flustered demeanor contrasts with Jojo's frustration, creating a dynamic interaction that showcases their relationship. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtlety; the 'Food Gestapo' line feels a bit on-the-nose and could be refined to maintain the comedic tone without being overly explicit.
  • The dialogue between Jojo and Adolf is engaging and captures the essence of Jojo's internal conflict. However, Adolf's character could be further developed to reflect more of Jojo's emotional state rather than just serving as comic relief. This would deepen the audience's understanding of Jojo's struggles and the absurdity of his situation.
  • The pacing of the scene is generally good, but the transition from the humorous exchange to the more serious implications of Jojo's situation could be smoother. The abruptness of Adolf's departure feels slightly jarring and could be better integrated into the flow of the scene.
  • The visual elements, such as Jojo's mother bringing food and Adolf hiding, are effective in creating a vivid picture of the domestic chaos. However, the description of Adolf's hiding could be more visually striking to enhance the comedic effect. For instance, emphasizing his awkward pose could amplify the humor.
Suggestions
  • Consider refining the dialogue to maintain humor while avoiding overly explicit references that may detract from the subtlety of the characters' interactions.
  • Explore deeper emotional layers for Adolf's character, allowing him to reflect Jojo's internal struggles more profoundly, rather than solely providing comic relief.
  • Smooth the transition between the comedic and serious elements of the scene to create a more cohesive narrative flow, perhaps by incorporating Jojo's thoughts or feelings as he interacts with both Adolf and his mother.
  • Enhance the visual comedy of Adolf's hiding by providing more vivid descriptions of his awkwardness, which could amplify the humor and absurdity of the situation.
  • Consider adding a moment of reflection for Jojo after Adolf leaves, allowing the audience to see how the humor contrasts with his underlying fears and concerns about Elsa.



Scene 25 -  Dinner Table Tensions
INT. JOJO’S HOUSE - DINING ROOM - NIGHT

Jojo sits at the table while Frau Betzler places a large pot in
the middle of the table next to a loaf of bread. She ladles hot
stew into the plates and sighs contentedly.

JOJO
Why so cheerful?

FRAU BETZLER
Oh, I heard some good news that’s all.


JOJO
What news?

FRAU BETZLER
Things are changing. The Allies have
nearly taken Italy. The war will soon
be over.

JOJO
God Dammit.

FRAU BETZLER
Jojo, language.

JOJO
The war will soon end but it will be
the Reich who stands tall and proud.
We will crush the Roast Beef
Englishmen like I am crushing this
piece of bread.

He tries to squeeze the bread but is too weak.

JOJO (CONT’D)
My strength hasn’t returned but you
get my point.

FRAU BETZLER
Ok! Can we just eat?!
(composes herself)
No more politics. The dinner table is
neutral ground, it’s Switzerland.

She breaks the bread for him.

FRAU BETZLER (CONT’D)
Would you like to say Grace?

JOJO
God in Heaven, please watch over our
beloved Germany, the great Third
Reich, and our father Adolf Hitler who
is the bestest, most wonderf--

FRAU BETZLER
AMEN! Let’s eat.

She begins eating, Jojo fumes.
Genres: ["Drama","War"]

Summary In Jojo's dining room, a meal of stew and bread becomes a battleground for conflicting views on the war. Jojo expresses frustration over the Allies' advances and insists on the strength of the Reich, while Frau Betzler maintains a cheerful demeanor and optimism about peace. Their light-hearted argument about politics disrupts the supposed neutrality of the dinner table, culminating in Jojo's fervent prayer for Hitler being interrupted by Frau Betzler as she begins to eat, leaving Jojo fuming in silence.
Strengths
  • Nuanced character interactions
  • Balanced tone
  • Engaging dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Limited external conflict
  • Lack of major plot progression

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively balances serious themes with moments of humor, creating a dynamic and engaging atmosphere. The dialogue and interactions between characters are well-crafted, providing depth to the story.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring family dynamics and differing perspectives during wartime is compelling and well-developed. The scene effectively conveys the challenges and emotions faced by the characters.

Plot: 8

The plot progression in the scene focuses on character interactions and emotional conflicts, adding depth to the overall narrative. The scene contributes to the development of the characters and their relationships.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh approach to the portrayal of World War II through the perspective of a young boy indoctrinated by Nazi ideology. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-defined and their personalities shine through in their interactions. The scene allows for character growth and reveals layers of complexity within each individual.

Character Changes: 7

While there are subtle shifts in the characters' perspectives and emotions, the scene primarily focuses on revealing their existing traits and beliefs.

Internal Goal: 8

Jojo's internal goal is to express his frustration and anger about the war and the changing circumstances. It reflects his deeper fear of losing the war and his desire to maintain his loyalty to the Reich.

External Goal: 7

Jojo's external goal is to maintain his facade of loyalty to the Reich and not show his true feelings about the war and the Allies' progress.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The scene contains internal conflicts within the characters, particularly regarding their beliefs and emotions. The tension is palpable but not overtly dramatic.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting beliefs and emotions driving the conflict between the characters.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes are moderate in the scene, primarily revolving around the characters' personal beliefs and relationships. While important, the consequences are more internalized than external.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by deepening the audience's understanding of the characters and their relationships. It sets the stage for future developments and conflicts.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting dynamics between the characters and the unexpected reactions to the news of the war.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between Jojo's indoctrinated beliefs in the superiority of the Third Reich and the reality of the war turning against Germany. This challenges Jojo's values and worldview.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from anxiety to contentment to frustration, creating a rich emotional tapestry. The characters' struggles and interactions resonate with the audience.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is engaging, with a mix of serious and humorous moments that add depth to the scene. The conversations between characters feel authentic and contribute to the overall tone.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the dynamic dialogue, the tension between the characters, and the underlying conflict that drives the narrative forward.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged in the characters' interactions.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, effectively setting up conflict and tension through dialogue and character interactions.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the tension between Jojo's indoctrination and his mother's more hopeful perspective, showcasing the conflicting emotions present in a household affected by war. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext to deepen the emotional stakes. For instance, Jojo's fervent loyalty to the Reich contrasts sharply with his mother's more pragmatic view, but this could be explored further through their body language and expressions.
  • Frau Betzler's character is portrayed as nurturing yet evasive, which is compelling. However, her abrupt interruption of Jojo's prayer feels slightly forced. It could be more impactful if she expressed her discomfort with the prayer in a more nuanced way, perhaps by showing a moment of hesitation before cutting him off, indicating her internal conflict about the regime.
  • The humor in Jojo's exaggerated expressions of loyalty to Hitler is effective, but it risks undermining the gravity of the situation. Balancing the comedic elements with the underlying tension of the war could enhance the scene's emotional weight. For example, Jojo's attempt to crush the bread could be played for both humor and frustration, reflecting his physical weakness and emotional turmoil.
  • The setting of the dining room is a strong choice, symbolizing domesticity amidst chaos. However, the scene could benefit from more sensory details to immerse the audience in the moment. Describing the aroma of the stew, the warmth of the room, or the sound of distant explosions could heighten the contrast between the comfort of home and the horrors of war.
  • The pacing of the scene feels slightly rushed, particularly in the transition from the political discussion to the prayer. Allowing for a moment of silence or reflection after Jojo's outburst could create a more impactful shift in tone, emphasizing the weight of their conversation.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more subtext to the dialogue to reveal deeper emotional conflicts between Jojo and Frau Betzler. This could involve more nuanced reactions to each other's statements.
  • Explore Frau Betzler's internal conflict regarding the regime by allowing her to hesitate or show discomfort before interrupting Jojo's prayer, making her character more complex.
  • Balance the comedic elements with the serious undertones of the scene by allowing Jojo's humor to reflect his frustration and confusion about the war, rather than solely serving as comic relief.
  • Incorporate sensory details to enhance the setting, such as the smell of the stew or the sound of distant explosions, to create a more immersive experience for the audience.
  • Slow down the pacing slightly to allow for moments of reflection or silence, particularly after Jojo's outburst, to emphasize the emotional weight of their conversation.



Scene 26 -  A Meal Amidst Uncertainty
INT. JOJO’S HOUSE - DINING ROOM - LATER

They are finishing their meals. Frau Betzler is clearing the
table.


JOJO
Is papa really coming home?

FRAU BETZLER
Of course.

JOJO
What if he doesn’t?

FRAU BETZLER
What nonsense, of course he’s coming
home. And the whole family will be
together again.

Frau Betzler scrapes leftovers onto a plate. Jojo watches this.

JOJO
Except her.

Beat. She stops scraping. Jojo looks at her.

FRAU BETZLER
Who?

JOJO
Inga.

FRAU BETZLER
No. But of course she will be with
us... in our hearts.

JOJO
I miss her.

She smiles sadly and finishes clearing.

JOJO (CONT’D)
Maybe we should get rid of her stuff
and use the room for something else.

FRAU BETZLER
Hm. Yes, maybe when papa comes home he
can use it for a study.

JOJO
Perhaps.

FRAU BETZLER
Are you done? May I take your plate?

JOJO
No. I’m going to eat everything like a
good little boy. I’ll even eat your
leftovers if you don’t mind.


He smiles and eats everything on his plate.


SFX: BOMBING RAID SIRENS...
Genres: ["Drama","War"]

Summary In this poignant scene, Jojo and Frau Betzler share a meal at the dining table, where Jojo expresses his worries about his father's return and the absence of his sister, Inga. Frau Betzler offers reassurance, suggesting they could repurpose Inga's room when Jojo's father comes home. The conversation highlights Jojo's vulnerability and Frau Betzler's comforting presence, set against the backdrop of war with ominous bombing raid sirens. The scene concludes with Jojo playfully insisting on finishing his meal, blending moments of hope with underlying sadness.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Authentic dialogue
  • Character development
Weaknesses
  • Limited plot progression
  • Low external conflict

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys the emotional depth of the characters and sets up a poignant moment of connection between Jojo and his mother. The dialogue is heartfelt and reveals the characters' inner thoughts and feelings.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring family relationships and coping with loss is well-executed in the scene. The focus on Jojo's emotional journey adds depth to the overall narrative.

Plot: 7.5

While the scene does not significantly advance the main plot, it provides important character development and emotional depth, setting the stage for future conflicts and resolutions.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh perspective on loss and coping mechanisms during wartime, with authentic character reactions and dialogue that feel true to the setting and time period.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The scene delves into the complex emotions of Jojo and Frau Betzler, showcasing their vulnerabilities and strengths. Their interactions reveal layers of their personalities and deepen the audience's connection to the characters.

Character Changes: 7

While there is not a significant change in the characters' external circumstances, the scene deepens the emotional complexity of Jojo and Frau Betzler, revealing new layers of their personalities.

Internal Goal: 8

Jojo's internal goal is to cope with the absence of his sister Inga and find a way to move on from her loss. This reflects his deeper need for closure and acceptance of the situation.

External Goal: 7

Jojo's external goal is to maintain a sense of normalcy and family unity in the midst of the war. This reflects the immediate challenge of staying strong and hopeful despite the circumstances.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 3

The scene is more focused on emotional conflict and internal struggles rather than external conflicts. The tension arises from the characters' feelings of loss and longing.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene comes from Jojo's internal struggle with loss and acceptance, creating a sense of conflict and uncertainty that drives the emotional core of the scene.

High Stakes: 4

The stakes in the scene are more emotional and personal, focusing on the characters' internal struggles and relationships rather than external threats or conflicts.

Story Forward: 6

The scene does not propel the main plot forward significantly but provides essential character development and emotional depth, setting the stage for future events.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the emotional complexity and the unexpected turn in Jojo's suggestion to repurpose Inga's room, adding a layer of tension and uncertainty.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the struggle between accepting loss and moving forward, as seen in Jojo's desire to repurpose Inga's room. This challenges Frau Betzler's belief in keeping her memory alive.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes a strong emotional response from the audience, particularly in its exploration of grief, longing, and the bond between Jojo and his mother.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is poignant and authentic, capturing the emotional nuances of the characters' relationships. It effectively conveys the themes of loss, hope, and family bonds.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its emotional depth and the subtle tension between the characters, drawing the audience into their personal struggles and relationships.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and emotional resonance, with pauses and quiet moments that allow the characters' emotions to shine through.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to standard screenplay conventions, with clear scene headings and character dialogue that is easy to follow.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a traditional structure for a dramatic moment in a screenplay, with clear character motivations and emotional beats that drive the narrative forward.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the emotional weight of Jojo's loss and his longing for his father, while also addressing the absence of his sister, Inga. The dialogue between Jojo and Frau Betzler is poignant, showcasing their relationship and the underlying tension of their situation. However, the transition from a serious topic to Jojo's insistence on finishing his meal feels abrupt and could benefit from a smoother flow.
  • Frau Betzler's responses are nurturing, but they also reflect a denial of the harsh realities they face. This dynamic is well-established, yet the scene could delve deeper into her emotional state, perhaps by incorporating more internal conflict or hesitation in her reassurances about Jojo's father. This would add layers to her character and enhance the emotional stakes.
  • The use of the bombing raid sirens at the end serves as a stark reminder of the external chaos surrounding them, contrasting with the intimate setting of the dining room. However, the sirens could be integrated more effectively into the dialogue or actions of the characters, perhaps causing a moment of silence or reflection before Jojo resumes eating. This would heighten the tension and emphasize the absurdity of their situation.
  • Jojo's playful insistence on finishing his meal, despite the somber context, adds a layer of dark humor, which is a hallmark of the script. However, this humor could be more pronounced, perhaps through exaggerated actions or expressions that highlight his innocence amidst the grim realities of war. This would reinforce the absurdity of his situation and provide a stronger comedic contrast.
  • The scene ends somewhat abruptly after Jojo's playful declaration about eating everything. While this aligns with his character, it might leave the audience wanting more closure or a deeper exploration of the emotional themes presented. A final line or action that ties back to the earlier discussion about Inga could provide a more satisfying conclusion.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment of silence or reflection after Jojo mentions Inga, allowing both characters to process their grief before shifting back to the lighter tone of Jojo's insistence on finishing his meal.
  • Explore Frau Betzler's emotional state further by incorporating subtle hesitations or conflicting emotions in her reassurances about Jojo's father, which would add depth to her character and the scene.
  • Integrate the sound of the bombing raid sirens more effectively into the dialogue or actions, perhaps causing a moment of pause or concern that highlights the contrast between their domestic life and the chaos outside.
  • Enhance the dark humor by emphasizing Jojo's innocence through exaggerated actions or expressions, making his insistence on eating everything more comical and poignant in the context of their situation.
  • Consider adding a final line or action that connects back to the earlier discussion about Inga, providing a more cohesive and emotionally resonant conclusion to the scene.



Scene 27 -  Confrontation in the Shadows
INT. JOJO’S HOUSE - INGA’S BEDROOM - NIGHT

Jojo sits in a chair opposite Elsa as BOMBS are dropped on the
city in the distance. They speak in hushed tones.

JOJO
Now, I want you to draw a picture of
where Jews live. A typical hive; where
you all sleep, eat and where the Queen
Jew lays the eggs.

ELSA
You really are an idiot.

Elsa takes his pen and paper and starts drawing.

JOJO
Tell me about your family.

ELSA
My father is a 3-headed space-dog and
my mother is a piglet who wears
clothes to blend in.

Jojo gives an exasperated look.

ELSA (CONT’D)
I’ll tell you about Jews but you are
not privileged to know about my
family.

JOJO
I need background.

ELSA
Ask them yourself.

JOJO
Where are they?

ELSA
(shrugging, pointing)
In the other wall. I think I heard
them chewing on diamonds.

JOJO
I don’t have time for this.


ELSA
I do. I have all the time in the
world.

JOJO
I wouldn’t be sure of that.

ELSA
Let me ask you something. Why are you
hanging around with me? Don’t you have
any friends?

JOJO
Of course. Many

ELSA
Who?

JOJO
Yorki.

ELSA
“Yorki”. And...

JOJO
Others.

ELSA
Pff. You don’t have any friends.

JOJO
You don’t. You don’t have anyone.

ELSA
I have Nathan.

JOJO
Who the hell is that?

ELSA
My fiancée. I have him.

JOJO
A Jew too I suppose.

ELSA
Yes, and a very strong one.

JOJO
Where is he?

ELSA
Everywhere he is needed. He’s fighting
in the resistance. He’s eighteen.


She holds out a LOCKET with TWO PHOTOS inside. One is a pretty
picture of Elsa, the other of a handsome young man, NATHAN.

JOJO
Eurgh, how ugly. You deserve each
other.

ELSA
Yes, we do.

She stares longingly at the photo. Jojo notices, he shifts
uncomfortably.

ELSA (CONT’D)
He proposed to me on the banks of the
Fluss. By Jaegerplatz. He knelt down
like a proper gentleman, recited a
poem by Rilke, and when I said ‘yes’
we danced down the street.

JOJO
Snore. Who’s Rilke?

ELSA
A great Poet, Austrian, Nathan’s
favourite.

JOJO
(childish)
Ooooooh, Naaaathan’s favourite. I
think you mean German by the way.

ELSA
Austrian. Anyway, shut up. Nathan’s
coming, he’ll rescue me and then we’ll
go live in Paris.

JOJO
Errr, News-Flash; we occupy Paris.

ELSA
Not for long. Your mother said it’s
about to fall.

JOJO
Oh God, what would she know??

ELSA
More than you think. You hear those
bombs? They are landing on your
precious Reich. It’s said that Germany
will fall within a year. Then I will
be free.
(MORE)

ELSA (CONT'D)
I will leave this place and this town,
find Nathan, start a new life, and
never look back.

JOJO
You would turn your back on Germany
forever.

ELSA
She turned on me first.

JOJO
Yeah well we don’t need you. You and
your stupid boyfriend can shut up and
go live in dumb-French-land. Good
luck.

ELSA
Now, now, just because you don’t have
a girlfriend.

JOJO
Pah! Don’t need one. I’m too busy for
girls.

ELSA
One day you’ll make time.

He rolls his eyes.

ELSA (CONT’D)
You’ll think of nothing else. You’ll
meet a girl and spend your days
dreaming of the moment you can hold
her in your arms again. And she’ll
think the same of you. This is called
love.

Jojo takes a moment, under her spell. He breaks out of it.

JOJO
Okayyyyy.
(smiling, venomous)
Sorry there wasn’t enough food
tonight.

ELSA
Your mother managed to find some
bread. She is kind. She thought you
suspected something but I told her you
weren’t smart enough.

JOJO
I’m glad you’re so friendly with her.


ELSA
She’s nice to me. She treats me like a
person.

JOJO
But you’re not. Not a proper person.

She looks him up and down.

ELSA
Are you?

JOJO
How dare you, Jew. You are weak
like... a weak eyelash. I am born of
Aryan ancestry, the strongest race on
Earth. My blood is the colour of a
pure red rose and my eyes are blue
like a sapphi--

Suddenly Elsa has Jojo in a headlock, twisting his weak arm
behind him. He winces in pain.

JOJO (CONT’D)
Ow ow ow ow ow ow...

She covers his mouth, suffocating him.

JOJO (CONT’D)
(muffled, quiet)
Mmmph!

ELSA
Break free.

JOJO
Mmrrmmph.

ELSA
Break free, great Aryan.
(leaning in close)
There are no weak Jews. I am descended
from those who wrestle angels and kill
giants. We were chosen by God. You
were chosen by a fat man with greasy
hair and half a moustache.

His struggle is useless, he cannot break her grip. She releases
him and pushes him onto Inga’s bed.

ELSA (CONT’D)
The stronger race, huh?


She tears off the paper and puts it down next to him. Jojo looks
at the picture. It is a drawing of him, it’s pretty good...
underneath she has written the word IDIOT.

JOJO
I said draw where Jews live. This is
just a stupid picture of my head.

She slinks back into her hideout --

ELSA
That’s where we live.

-- and closes the wall behind her. Jojo stares at his drawing,
the distant bombing continues.
Genres: ["Drama","Dark Comedy"]

Summary In a tense exchange in Inga's bedroom, Jojo mocks Elsa, a Jewish girl hiding in his home, by asking her to draw where Jews live. Elsa responds with sarcasm, revealing her fiancé Nathan is fighting in the resistance, which Jojo dismisses. The conversation escalates into a physical confrontation, with Elsa asserting her strength and identity. Afterward, she draws a picture of Jojo labeled 'IDIOT,' prompting him to reflect on his beliefs as the sound of distant bombs continues.
Strengths
  • Tense negotiation
  • Sharp dialogue
  • Character depth
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue may come off as overly sarcastic or exaggerated at times

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene is well-crafted with a mix of tension, humor, and emotional depth. The negotiation between Jojo and Elsa adds layers to their characters and advances the plot effectively.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of negotiation between Jojo and Elsa is central to the scene, exploring themes of identity, resistance, and love. The scene effectively conveys the complexities of their relationship and the larger narrative.

Plot: 8.5

The plot is advanced significantly through the negotiation scene, revealing key character dynamics and motivations. The scene adds depth to the overall story and sets up future conflicts and resolutions.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh approach to the familiar theme of World War II, exploring the moral complexities of the conflict through the interactions of the characters. The authenticity of the dialogue and character actions adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Jojo and Elsa are well-developed in this scene, showcasing their conflicting personalities, beliefs, and vulnerabilities. Their interactions reveal layers of complexity and add depth to the narrative.

Character Changes: 8

Both Jojo and Elsa undergo subtle changes during the negotiation, revealing new facets of their personalities and motivations. The scene sets up potential character growth and development in future scenes.

Internal Goal: 8

Jojo's internal goal in this scene is to understand Elsa's perspective and possibly gain insight into his own beliefs and prejudices. His interactions with Elsa challenge his worldview and force him to confront his own biases.

External Goal: 7.5

Jojo's external goal is to gather information about Jews and potentially use it for his own purposes. He wants to draw a picture of where Jews live, but his interactions with Elsa lead to a deeper understanding of the human side of the conflict.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between Jojo and Elsa is palpable throughout the scene, with power struggles, emotional tension, and conflicting ideologies driving the narrative forward. The negotiation adds layers of conflict and resolution.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting ideologies and power dynamics between Jojo and Elsa. The audience is left unsure of how the conflict will unfold, adding suspense and tension to the scene.

High Stakes: 8

The negotiation scene has high stakes for both Jojo and Elsa, as their conflicting ideologies and personal histories come to the forefront. The outcome of the negotiation could have significant consequences for both characters.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward significantly, revealing key plot points, character dynamics, and thematic elements. The negotiation sets up future conflicts and resolutions, advancing the narrative effectively.

Unpredictability: 8.5

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in character interactions and revelations. The audience is kept on edge by the shifting power dynamics and emotional revelations.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the clash between Nazi ideology of Aryan superiority and Elsa's defiance as a Jewish character. Jojo's beliefs are challenged by Elsa's strength and resilience, highlighting the moral complexities of the war.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene has a strong emotional impact, with moments of tension, humor, and vulnerability between Jojo and Elsa. The negotiation reveals the characters' inner struggles and adds depth to their relationship.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene is sharp, witty, and emotionally charged, capturing the tension and humor of the negotiation between Jojo and Elsa. The exchanges between the characters drive the scene forward effectively.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the intense character interactions, emotional depth, and moral complexities explored. The tension between Jojo and Elsa keeps the audience invested in their dynamic and the unfolding conflict.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and emotional depth gradually. The rhythm of the dialogue and character interactions keeps the audience engaged and invested in the unfolding conflict.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene descriptions, character actions, and dialogue. The formatting enhances the readability and flow of the scene.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear character motivations, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness in building tension and emotional depth.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the tension between Jojo and Elsa, showcasing their conflicting perspectives on identity and belonging. However, the humor sometimes undermines the gravity of their situation, particularly given the backdrop of war and the threat to Elsa's life. Balancing the comedic elements with the seriousness of their circumstances could enhance the emotional impact.
  • Jojo's dialogue often leans into childishness, which is fitting for his character, but it can come off as overly simplistic. This could detract from the depth of the conversation about identity and relationships. More nuanced dialogue could elevate the stakes and make their exchanges feel more significant.
  • Elsa's responses are sharp and witty, effectively challenging Jojo's prejudices. However, the scene could benefit from deeper exploration of her character. Providing more insight into her emotions regarding her situation and her relationship with Nathan could create a stronger emotional connection for the audience.
  • The physical confrontation between Jojo and Elsa is a strong moment that illustrates their power dynamics. However, the transition from verbal sparring to physicality feels abrupt. A more gradual build-up to this moment could enhance its impact and make it feel more organic.
  • The ending, with Jojo staring at the drawing of himself labeled 'IDIOT,' is a powerful visual metaphor for his internal conflict. However, it could be strengthened by incorporating Jojo's emotional response to the drawing. This would provide a clearer insight into his character development and the impact of his interactions with Elsa.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more layers to Jojo's dialogue to reflect his internal struggle and growth. This could involve moments of vulnerability or self-doubt that contrast with his bravado.
  • Explore Elsa's backstory and feelings more deeply. Perhaps include a moment where she reflects on her past or her hopes for the future, which would add emotional weight to her character.
  • Enhance the physical confrontation by building tension through their dialogue leading up to it. This could involve escalating insults or challenges that naturally lead to the headlock moment.
  • After the headlock, include a brief moment of silence or reflection from Jojo that captures his realization of the absurdity of their situation and his own prejudices, enhancing the scene's emotional depth.
  • Consider using the sound of the bombs in the background to punctuate key moments in the dialogue, emphasizing the urgency and danger of their situation while also contrasting with their banter.



Scene 28 -  The Indifference of Bureaucracy
INT. GESTAPO OFFICE - DAY

Jojo enters the local GESTAPO OFFICE, a long line of people wait
to file reports and denounce other citizens. Jojo approaches a
SECRETARY who, upon seeing his face, cringes.

SECRETARY
(then, disinterested)
Are you denouncing a neighbour,
political traitor, or informing on
friends and family?

She places some forms in front of Jojo.

JOJO
I am looking for someone. I haven’t
seen them in a while. I was wondering
if you had any files on them.

SECRETARY
I’m obviously busy.

She’s obviously not.

SECRETARY (CONT’D)
Why don’t you go have a look back
there in the file room.
(calling)
Erwin!

She indicates an area filled with a HUGE MESS of files and
folders - paper piled high - complete disarray.

SECRETARY (CONT’D)
As you can see we’re understaffed and
inundated with files and reports.
(MORE)

SECRETARY (CONT’D)
These days being an informant has
become a national pastime.

A large, pimply guy (20’s) named Erwin arrives.

SECRETARY (CONT’D)
Erwin, take him to the file-room.
(off Erwin’s silence)
Now!

Erwin grumbles something and beckons Jojo to follow him to the
file-room. An old local woman now approaches the desk.

SECRETARY (CONT’D)
Hello. Denouncing a neighbour,
political traitor, or informing on
friends and family?

OLD LADY
Family.
Genres: ["Drama","Historical","War"]

Summary In a crowded Gestapo office, Jojo seeks information about a missing person but is met with the secretary's dismissive attitude and indifference. She directs him to the chaotic file room, where he encounters Erwin, a reluctant assistant. The scene highlights the bleak and oppressive atmosphere of the office, as the secretary continues her routine of facilitating denouncements, underscoring the bureaucratic nature of the regime.
Strengths
  • Effective portrayal of tension and fear
  • Compelling exploration of denunciation culture
  • Strong character interactions
Weaknesses
  • Potential for more nuanced character development
  • Limited exploration of Jojo's internal conflict

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys the oppressive atmosphere of the Gestapo office and the moral dilemma faced by individuals in a society where informing on others is encouraged. The dark tone, combined with elements of satire, creates a compelling and thought-provoking scene.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of exploring the denunciation culture during wartime is compelling and offers insight into the moral complexities faced by individuals in such a society. The scene effectively conveys the themes of fear, suspicion, and the abuse of power.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene revolves around Jojo's visit to the Gestapo office in search of information, highlighting the oppressive nature of the regime and the consequences of denunciation. It adds depth to the overall narrative by showcasing the societal dynamics at play.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the theme of betrayal and surveillance in a totalitarian society, with authentic character actions and dialogue that feel true to the setting and context.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters in the scene, particularly the Gestapo secretary and Jojo, are well-defined and contribute to the scene's tone and themes. Their interactions reveal the power dynamics and moral ambiguity present in the wartime setting.

Character Changes: 7

While Jojo faces a moral dilemma in the scene, his character development is more subtle. The encounter at the Gestapo office may plant seeds of doubt and conflict within him, setting the stage for potential growth in future scenes.

Internal Goal: 8

Jojo's internal goal in this scene is to find someone he cares about, reflecting his deeper need for connection and safety in a dangerous environment.

External Goal: 7

Jojo's external goal is to locate the person he is looking for by searching through the files in the Gestapo office, reflecting the immediate challenge of navigating a bureaucratic and oppressive system.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict in the scene arises from the moral dilemma faced by Jojo as he navigates the denunciation process and the oppressive environment of the Gestapo office. The tension between characters and the societal conflict add depth to the scene.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Jojo facing obstacles and challenges that test his morals and loyalty, creating suspense and conflict for the audience.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in the scene as Jojo navigates the dangerous territory of the Gestapo office, where a wrong move could have severe consequences. The risk of betrayal and the oppressive atmosphere heighten the tension and stakes.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by deepening the exploration of the wartime setting, the societal dynamics, and the moral complexities faced by the characters. It adds layers to the narrative and sets the stage for further developments.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because it presents unexpected twists and turns in the characters' interactions and choices, keeping the audience on edge and unsure of the outcome.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the moral dilemma of betraying others for personal gain or safety. Jojo must navigate the ethical implications of his actions in a society that encourages betrayal and surveillance.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene evokes a strong emotional response from the audience, tapping into feelings of fear, discomfort, and suspicion. The oppressive atmosphere and moral quandaries faced by the characters resonate on an emotional level, drawing viewers into the narrative.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the tension and unease of the situation, with the secretary's disinterested tone contrasting with Jojo's nervous inquiries. The exchanges between characters add depth to the scene and enhance the overall atmosphere.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it immerses the audience in a tense and morally complex situation, with compelling characters and dialogue that drive the narrative forward.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining a sense of tension and urgency, with well-timed reveals and character interactions that propel the story forward.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings, dialogue formatting, and action descriptions that enhance readability and visual storytelling.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, effectively building tension and conflict through the characters' interactions and dialogue.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the absurdity and dark humor of the bureaucratic process within the Gestapo office, highlighting the disinterest and apathy of the secretary. This aligns well with the overall tone of the screenplay, which balances humor with the grim realities of the setting.
  • Jojo's motivation for being in the Gestapo office is clear, but the stakes could be heightened. The scene could benefit from a stronger emotional connection to Jojo's quest, perhaps by providing a brief flashback or a line that emphasizes his desperation or fear regarding the person he is searching for.
  • The dialogue is functional but could be more dynamic. The secretary's lines are somewhat flat and could be infused with more personality or sarcasm to enhance her character and make the interaction more engaging. This would also serve to contrast Jojo's earnestness with her indifference.
  • Erwin's introduction is abrupt, and while he serves as a guide to the file room, he lacks depth. Adding a line or two that gives insight into his character or his own frustrations with the system could make him more memorable and relatable.
  • The visual description of the file room as a 'HUGE MESS' is effective, but it could be more vivid. Describing specific items or the overwhelming nature of the disarray could enhance the reader's visualization and emphasize the chaotic environment Jojo is stepping into.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a line of internal monologue for Jojo that reflects his anxiety or determination about finding the missing person. This could deepen the audience's connection to his character.
  • Enhance the secretary's character by giving her a memorable quirk or attitude that makes her stand out, such as a sarcastic remark or a dismissive gesture that reflects her disillusionment with the regime.
  • Introduce Erwin with a more distinct personality trait or backstory that makes him relatable or sympathetic, perhaps hinting at his own struggles within the oppressive system.
  • Use more descriptive language to paint a clearer picture of the file room's chaos, perhaps mentioning specific items that symbolize the disorganization or the overwhelming nature of the bureaucracy.
  • Consider ending the scene with a stronger hook or cliffhanger that raises the stakes for Jojo, such as a hint of danger or a revelation about the person he is searching for, to keep the audience engaged.



Scene 29 -  Frantic Searches and Sinister Humor
INT. GESTAPO OFFICE - FILE ROOM - MOMENTS LATER

Jojo searches through a chaotically messy filing system as Erwin
scratches at something under his arm. Jojo flicks through folder
after folder. CLOSE on the folders flicking back one after the
other...

JOJO
Nathan Raame, Nathan Raaaaame, where
are you, stupid Nathan, poetry reading
dumbhead?

He sits back, NOTHING. Erwin scratches some more.


INT. TOWN - LIBRARY - DAY

Jojo walks down an aisle of the local library. He scans the
scant shelves and finds what he was looking for; RILKE: POEMS
AND ESSAYS. He pulls it out and secretly stuffs it into his
jacket. He turns around and sees Hitler stuffing his own jacket
with about 20 books. They spill out, onto the floor.

HITLER
Great thinking, Rabbit. We’ll use
these to make a fake floor that she
can fall through, straight into some
piranhas.
(beat)
Or hot lava-- no, piranhas is good.
(cackling sinisterly)
(MORE)

HITLER (CONT'D)
She won’t know what hit her when she
starts getting chomped by those little
fishies!
Genres: ["Drama","Comedy","War"]

Summary In a chaotic Gestapo office, Jojo desperately searches for a file on Nathan Raame but finds nothing. He then moves to a local library, where he successfully hides a book of Rilke's poems in his jacket. Unexpectedly, he encounters Hitler, who humorously fills his own jacket with books while making dark jokes about using them to create a deadly piranha trap. The scene blends Jojo's urgent quest with Hitler's absurd and sinister humor, leaving Jojo's search unresolved.
Strengths
  • Effective blend of tension and humor
  • Compelling character dynamics
  • Sharp dialogue
  • High emotional impact
Weaknesses
  • Some elements of dark humor may not resonate with all audiences

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively blends tension, humor, and character dynamics to create a compelling and engaging narrative. The mix of emotions and the high stakes involved contribute to the scene's impact.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of negotiating secrets and navigating relationships in a wartime setting is intriguing and well-developed. The scene effectively explores themes of trust, deception, and survival.

Plot: 8.5

The plot of the scene is engaging and moves the story forward by revealing crucial information and deepening character dynamics. The conflict and stakes are heightened, adding tension and suspense.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the coming-of-age story by placing the protagonist in a morally complex and dangerous situation. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and add depth to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-defined and their interactions are compelling, showcasing their motivations, fears, and vulnerabilities. The dialogue and actions reveal layers of complexity in each character.

Character Changes: 8

The characters undergo subtle changes in their perceptions and relationships, particularly in terms of trust and understanding. The negotiations and revelations impact their growth and development.

Internal Goal: 8

Jojo's internal goal in this scene is to find information about Nathan Raame, which reflects his desire to prove himself as a loyal member of the Hitler Youth and gain approval from the authorities.

External Goal: 9

Jojo's external goal is to gather information that will help him in his duties as a member of the Hitler Youth, such as finding Nathan Raame and potentially using the stolen book for propaganda purposes.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8.5

The conflict in the scene is palpable, with tensions running high as characters navigate secrets, threats, and negotiations. The emotional and physical stakes are raised, adding depth to the narrative.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Jojo facing internal and external conflicts that challenge his beliefs and actions, adding depth to the character and the narrative.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes in the scene are high, with characters facing threats, secrets, and moral dilemmas that could have serious consequences. The tension and suspense are heightened, adding urgency to the narrative.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by revealing crucial information, deepening character relationships, and raising the stakes. The plot progresses effectively, setting up future conflicts and resolutions.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected actions and dialogue of the characters, adding suspense and intrigue to the narrative.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between Jojo's indoctrinated beliefs as a member of the Hitler Youth and his growing doubts and moral compass, as seen in his actions of stealing a book and potentially using it for subversive purposes.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from fear and confusion to hope and frustration, creating a powerful emotional impact on the audience. The character dynamics and high stakes enhance the emotional resonance.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is sharp, witty, and emotionally resonant, capturing the essence of each character and driving the scene forward. The mix of humor and tension adds depth to the interactions.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its mix of tension, humor, and moral complexity, keeping the audience invested in the characters and their actions.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and moving the story forward at a compelling pace.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and concise, following the expected format for its genre and enhancing the readability of the script.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, effectively building tension and conflict while advancing the plot.


Critique
  • The transition from the Gestapo office to the library feels abrupt. While it serves to juxtapose the oppressive atmosphere of the Gestapo with the more neutral setting of the library, the shift could benefit from a smoother transition or a brief moment that connects the two locations, enhancing the narrative flow.
  • Jojo's dialogue in the filing room is humorous and reflects his frustration, but it could be more impactful if it included a moment of introspection or a hint of his emotional state regarding Nathan's disappearance. This would deepen the audience's connection to Jojo's plight.
  • The introduction of Hitler in the library is a strong comedic moment, but the humor could be enhanced by contrasting Jojo's serious mission with Hitler's absurdity. This would highlight the absurdity of Jojo's situation and the surreal nature of his imaginary friend.
  • The description of Hitler stuffing his jacket with books is visually amusing, but it could be more effective if it included a brief moment of Jojo's reaction to this behavior. This would provide insight into Jojo's mental state and his relationship with Hitler as a character.
  • The dialogue from Hitler about using books to create a trap is darkly comedic, but it risks overshadowing the gravity of Jojo's search for Nathan. Balancing the humor with the underlying tension of Jojo's quest could create a more nuanced scene.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of Jojo reflecting on his feelings about Nathan before transitioning to the library. This could be a line of internal dialogue or a visual cue that emphasizes his emotional stakes.
  • Enhance the comedic contrast between Jojo's serious demeanor and Hitler's absurd suggestions by including Jojo's reactions or retorts to Hitler's plans. This could add depth to their dynamic and highlight Jojo's internal conflict.
  • To improve the transition between the Gestapo office and the library, consider using a visual or auditory cue, such as the sound of the filing cabinet closing or a lingering thought from Jojo that leads him to the library.
  • Incorporate a moment where Jojo acknowledges the absurdity of Hitler's antics, perhaps with a roll of his eyes or a sarcastic remark, to ground the humor in Jojo's perspective.
  • Explore the potential for a more dramatic moment when Jojo finds the book in the library. Perhaps he could have a fleeting memory of Nathan that adds emotional weight to the action of hiding the book.



Scene 30 -  Shadows of Indoctrination
EXT. TOWN - LIBRARY - DAY

As he leaves the library Jojo hums softly to himself. Slowly it
seems others are joining in his song. He looks around and the
sound gets louder. From around a corner, lead by FRAULEIN RAHM,
we see a group of “Jungvolk” marching and singing...

JUNGVOLK
We are marching for Hitler through
Night and Need, with the flag of the
youth, for freedom and bread.
(then)
We were born to die for Germany!

Jojo moves against the wall and watches them pass. It is
glorious - he catches the eye of a couple of the kids. They
smirk and look at him with contempt.

FRAULEIN RAHM
Come on everyone, one more time!

They keep singing as Jojo retreats into the shadows.


INT. JOJO’S HOUSE - BEDROOM - CONTINUOUS

Jojo busily writes a letter on his bed, the Rilke poetry book
lies next to him. Hitler lays on the bed next to him, reading a
book about CAMELS.

ADOLF
The humps are filled with water?!


INT. JOJO’S HOUSE - JOJO’S ROOM - LATER

Jojo and Hitler sit in darkness, listening. We hear footsteps
down the hall and then a door closing softly. Hitler makes a
military gesture to take action, Jojo moves out into the dark
hallway.
Genres: ["Drama","War","Comedy"]

Summary Jojo leaves the library humming, which draws the attention of the Jungvolk led by Fraulein Rahm in a militaristic song, evoking his contempt. The scene shifts to Jojo's bedroom where he writes a letter while a childlike Adolf Hitler reads about camels, highlighting Jojo's internal conflict. As they sit in darkness, listening to footsteps in the hallway, Jojo prepares to confront the unknown, embodying the tension between innocence and the foreboding realities of his environment.
Strengths
  • Effective blend of tension, humor, and emotion
  • Compelling exploration of character conflicts and motivations
  • Engaging dialogue and interactions between characters
Weaknesses
  • Potential tonal shifts between the innocence of the Jungvolk and the darkness of Jojo's situation may be jarring for some viewers

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively blends tension, humor, and emotion, creating a compelling narrative that delves into the psychological and emotional turmoil of the characters. The juxtaposition of the Jungvolk singing and Jojo's internal conflict adds depth to the storytelling.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring the psychological impact of war on a young boy through the lens of propaganda and personal conflict is compelling. The scene effectively conveys the complexities of Jojo's world and his internal struggles.

Plot: 8.5

The plot of the scene is engaging, moving the story forward by delving into Jojo's internal conflict and the external pressures he faces. The interactions between characters drive the narrative and reveal important aspects of the characters' motivations and relationships.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh perspective on the coming-of-age genre by exploring the impact of Nazi ideology on a young boy's worldview. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds a layer of realism and complexity to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters in the scene are well-developed, with Jojo's internal turmoil and conflicting emotions portrayed effectively. The interactions between Jojo, Hitler, and the Jungvolk showcase the different facets of the characters' personalities and motivations.

Character Changes: 8

Jojo undergoes a subtle but significant change in the scene as he grapples with his beliefs, fears, and the realities of his world. His interactions with other characters and the challenges he faces contribute to his character development.

Internal Goal: 8

Jojo's internal goal in this scene is to navigate his conflicting feelings towards the Nazi ideology and his own doubts and fears. It reflects his deeper need for acceptance and belonging, while also grappling with his moral compass and sense of right and wrong.

External Goal: 7

Jojo's external goal in this scene is to avoid confrontation with the 'Jungvolk' group and maintain his facade of loyalty to Hitler. It reflects the immediate challenge of fitting in and surviving in a society that demands conformity and allegiance to a dangerous ideology.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The scene has a moderate level of conflict, both internal and external, as Jojo grapples with his beliefs, fears, and the pressures of his environment. The tension between characters and the contrasting elements contribute to the conflict in the scene.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the 'Jungvolk' group representing a significant external threat to Jojo's safety and identity. The uncertainty of their intentions adds a layer of suspense and danger to the scene.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in the scene as Jojo grapples with his beliefs, fears, and the pressures of his environment. The conflicts and challenges he faces have significant consequences for his character development and the overall narrative.

Story Forward: 9

The scene effectively moves the story forward by delving into Jojo's internal conflict, revealing important aspects of the characters' motivations and relationships, and setting up future developments. The interactions and revelations in the scene contribute to the overall narrative progression.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because it subverts expectations and challenges the audience's assumptions about the characters and their motivations. The shifting dynamics and moral dilemmas add a layer of complexity and intrigue.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the clash between blind obedience to authority and individual moral conscience. Jojo's internal struggle to reconcile his doubts and fears with the pressure to conform to Nazi ideals challenges his beliefs and values.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene has a significant emotional impact, evoking feelings of tension, humor, and empathy for the characters. Jojo's internal struggle and the interactions with other characters elicit a range of emotions from the audience, enhancing the storytelling.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue in the scene is engaging and serves to reveal the characters' thoughts, emotions, and conflicts. The humor and tension in the interactions add depth to the storytelling and enhance the audience's understanding of the characters.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it creates tension and suspense through the protagonist's internal conflict and the external threat of the 'Jungvolk' group. The emotional stakes are high, keeping the audience invested in Jojo's journey.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and suspense, allowing moments of introspection and action to unfold organically. The rhythm enhances the emotional impact and thematic resonance of the scene.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene adheres to the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings, action lines, and dialogue. It enhances the readability and flow of the screenplay.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, effectively balancing dialogue, action, and introspection. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the scene's effectiveness.


Critique
  • The scene effectively juxtaposes Jojo's innocence and the indoctrination of the Jungvolk, highlighting the tension between his internal conflict and the external pressures of Nazi ideology. However, the transition from the library to the marching Jungvolk could be smoother; it feels abrupt and could benefit from a more gradual build-up to emphasize Jojo's emotional state as he observes the group.
  • The use of song in this scene is powerful, as it reinforces the collective fervor of the Jungvolk and contrasts with Jojo's isolation. However, the lyrics could be more impactful if they were slightly altered to reflect the absurdity of the situation, perhaps by including a line that hints at the darker reality of their beliefs, which would deepen the irony.
  • The character of Fraulein Rahm is introduced but lacks depth in this scene. Providing a brief moment that showcases her enthusiasm or fanaticism could enhance her role as a figure of authority and further emphasize the indoctrination of the youth.
  • Jojo's retreat into the shadows is a strong visual metaphor for his internal struggle, but it could be enhanced by including a brief moment of reflection or a facial expression that conveys his feelings of contempt or confusion. This would allow the audience to connect more deeply with his character.
  • The dialogue between Jojo and Hitler is humorous but could benefit from a more poignant moment that reflects Jojo's growing disillusionment with the ideology he has been taught. This would create a stronger emotional arc and highlight the conflict between his upbringing and his evolving beliefs.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of Jojo's internal monologue as he watches the Jungvolk march, which could provide insight into his feelings of alienation and confusion.
  • Revise the lyrics of the Jungvolk's song to include a line that hints at the absurdity or darkness of their beliefs, enhancing the irony of the scene.
  • Develop Fraulein Rahm's character by including a line or action that showcases her enthusiasm for the Nazi ideology, making her a more compelling figure.
  • Incorporate a visual cue or expression from Jojo as he retreats into the shadows, allowing the audience to better understand his emotional state.
  • Introduce a moment of tension or conflict in Jojo's dialogue with Hitler that reflects his growing doubts about the ideology, creating a more dynamic interaction.



Scene 31 -  The Heartbreaking Revelation
INT. JOJO’S HOUSE - INGA’S BEDROOM - AFTERNOON

Jojo knocks on Elsa’s wall-door.

ELSA (O.S.)
I wonder who it could possibly be?


JOJO
It’s Johannes Betzler. The little boy
who lives downstairs.

ELSA (O.S.)
I knowwwwww...

JOJO
Oh. Well, I have something to tell
you. I happened to be doing some
important filing today and I came
across an old letter from Nathan -
your fiancée - addressed to you. It’s
quite lucky I found it.

ELSA (O.S.)
What the hell are you talking about?

JOJO
I have a letter from Nathan. Shall I
read it to you?

Pause. Elsa opens the door a little. We see a piece of her face
in the thin beam of light. Jojo unfolds a piece of paper - we
can see that the writing is not that of a 17 year-old but that
of a 10 year-old.

ELSA
Dear Elsa, this is hard for me to say
but I don’t want to marry you anymore.
I found another woman and we laugh and
have good talks. I’m sure there’s
better people for you anyway. It’s
like my favourite poet Rilke says:
“We need, in love, to practice only
this: letting each other go.”
So goodbye and sorry about dumping
you. From Nathan your ex-fiancée.
PS. I am not really in the resistance
I was lying. I am unemployed.

Elsa retreats into her room and we hear her begin to cry.

JOJO
Oh. Why are you doing that?

ELSA
Please leave.

Jojo shuffles out of the room as Elsa continues to cry.
Genres: ["Drama","War"]

Summary In a tense afternoon scene, Jojo knocks on Elsa's wall-door, introducing himself as Johannes Betzler and offering to read a letter from her fiancée, Nathan. The letter reveals Nathan's decision to end their engagement, admitting he has found someone else and is not part of the resistance as he claimed. After hearing the painful news, Elsa retreats into her room, visibly upset and crying, while Jojo leaves, highlighting the emotional turmoil caused by the revelation.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Tension-filled dialogue
  • Character development
Weaknesses
  • Limited physical action
  • Reliance on dialogue for conflict resolution

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively combines emotional depth, tension, and sarcasm to create a compelling narrative. The revelation of Nathan's letter adds a layer of complexity to Elsa's character and sets the stage for further development.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of revealing secrets and exploring the characters' vulnerabilities in the midst of war is well-executed. The scene effectively balances emotional depth with tension and sarcasm, adding layers to the narrative.

Plot: 8

The plot progresses as Nathan's letter introduces a new conflict and emotional arc for Elsa, deepening the character dynamics and setting the stage for further developments. The scene moves the story forward while adding depth to the characters.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the theme of heartbreak and betrayal by incorporating elements of humor and self-awareness. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and relatable.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Jojo and Elsa are well-developed in this scene, with Jojo's awkward attempts at comfort contrasting with Elsa's emotional vulnerability. The interaction between the two characters adds depth and complexity to their relationship.

Character Changes: 8

Elsa undergoes a significant emotional change upon receiving Nathan's letter, showcasing her vulnerability and adding complexity to her character. Jojo also experiences a shift in his understanding of Elsa, deepening their relationship.

Internal Goal: 9

Elsa's internal goal in this scene is to process the emotional pain and betrayal of Nathan breaking off their engagement. It reflects her deeper need for love and security, as well as her fear of rejection and abandonment.

External Goal: 8

Jojo's external goal in this scene is to deliver the letter from Nathan to Elsa and gauge her reaction. It reflects the immediate challenge of revealing difficult information and dealing with the emotional fallout.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict in the scene is primarily emotional, as Elsa grapples with the revelation of Nathan's letter and Jojo attempts to navigate the situation. The tension and sarcasm add layers to the conflict, creating a compelling dynamic.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, as Elsa is faced with the devastating news of Nathan's betrayal and must confront her feelings of heartbreak and rejection. The audience is left uncertain of how Elsa will cope with this emotional blow.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are primarily emotional in this scene, as Elsa grapples with the emotional impact of Nathan's letter and Jojo navigates the tension between them. The scene sets the stage for further conflicts and developments, raising the emotional stakes for the characters.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing a new conflict and emotional arc for Elsa, setting the stage for further developments. The revelation of Nathan's letter adds depth to the narrative and propels the characters into new territory.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected revelation in Nathan's letter and Elsa's emotional response. The audience is kept on their toes and unsure of how the situation will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the theme of love, loss, and letting go. Nathan's letter embodies the conflicting values of honesty and deception, commitment and freedom, and the pain of heartbreak.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, as Elsa's reaction to Nathan's letter evokes sadness and empathy from the audience. Jojo's awkward attempts at comfort and the tension between the characters add depth to the emotional resonance of the scene.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue effectively conveys the emotional turmoil of the characters, with a mix of tension, sadness, and sarcasm adding depth to the scene. The interaction between Jojo and Elsa is engaging and highlights their contrasting personalities.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the emotional intensity, the unexpected twist of Nathan's letter, and the authentic reactions of the characters. The audience is drawn into the drama and invested in Elsa's emotional journey.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and suspense, as well as allowing for moments of emotional impact and reflection. The rhythm of the dialogue and actions enhances the scene's effectiveness.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene adheres to the expected format for its genre, with proper scene headings, dialogue formatting, and descriptive language.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear character motivations, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the emotional impact of the reveal.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the emotional weight of Jojo's actions as he reads Nathan's letter to Elsa, showcasing the contrast between Jojo's innocence and Elsa's heartbreak. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext to deepen the emotional impact. For instance, Jojo's obliviousness to the gravity of the situation could be emphasized through more nuanced reactions from Elsa.
  • The use of humor in Jojo's character is present, but it feels slightly out of place given the somber context of the letter. While Jojo's naivety is a key aspect of his character, the humor could be dialed back to allow for a more poignant moment between him and Elsa, enhancing the emotional stakes.
  • The pacing of the scene is effective, but the transition from Jojo's initial excitement to the somber revelation could be smoother. A brief moment of silence or hesitation before Jojo reads the letter might heighten the tension and anticipation for both Jojo and the audience.
  • Elsa's reaction to the letter is powerful, but it could be further developed. Instead of simply retreating and crying, perhaps she could express her feelings verbally, allowing the audience to understand her pain more deeply. This would also provide Jojo with a clearer sense of the consequences of his actions.
  • The visual element of Elsa's face appearing in the beam of light is a strong choice, but it could be enhanced by incorporating more visual cues that reflect her emotional state. For example, the lighting could shift to create a more somber atmosphere as she processes the news.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment of hesitation or reflection from Jojo before he reads the letter, which could build tension and allow the audience to anticipate Elsa's reaction.
  • Explore Elsa's emotional response further by incorporating dialogue that expresses her feelings about Nathan's betrayal, rather than solely relying on her silence and tears.
  • Reduce the humor in Jojo's dialogue to maintain the scene's emotional gravity, allowing for a more serious tone that aligns with the content of the letter.
  • Enhance the visual storytelling by using lighting and camera angles to reflect the emotional weight of the moment, perhaps dimming the light as Elsa retreats to emphasize her despair.
  • Consider adding a brief moment where Jojo reflects on the implications of the letter, which could deepen his character development and highlight his internal conflict.



Scene 32 -  A Moment of Connection
INT. JOJO’S HOUSE - INGA’S BEDROOM - LATER

Jojo is back. He knocks lightly on Elsa’s wall.

JOJO
Hi.

He knocks lightly again.

JOJO (CONT’D)
Are you still alive?

ELSA (O.S.)
Barely.

JOJO
Oh, well that’s good. Um, don’t open
the door because it’s risky today. So
I actually forgot there was a second
letter. I forgot I had it. I’ll just
read it.
(reading)
Dear Elsa. I just wanted to say that I
don’t want to break up with you now. I
changed my mind because I don’t want
you to kill yourself over me which a
couple of girls have done in the past
and it gives me nightmares.
(beat)
So, let’s still get married sometime -
even though I truly am unemployed and
have nothing much going for me. I
don’t even know how to tie a knot or
read a map. Yours, Nathan.
(then)
No X’s or O’s I’m afraid but it still
seems pretty positive.

A beat. Elsa’s door opens to reveal her sitting, staring at
Jojo, a peaceful look on her face. This Jojo kid’s a character.
He gives a tiny smile.
Genres: ["Drama","War","Comedy"]

Summary In Jojo's house, he checks on Elsa in Inga's bedroom, who responds weakly but is urged not to open the door due to danger outside. Jojo reads a heartfelt letter from Nathan, expressing his desire to maintain his relationship with Elsa despite his flaws. The reading brings a sense of calm to Elsa, who eventually opens the door with a peaceful expression, prompting a small smile from Jojo. The scene captures a blend of concern, vulnerability, and a hint of hope as their emotional connection deepens.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Authentic dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Limited external conflict
  • Relatively contained setting

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively balances tension, emotion, and humor, providing insight into the characters' inner struggles and relationships while advancing the plot.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of revealing Nathan's letter and delving into Jojo and Elsa's relationship adds depth to the narrative and explores themes of love, loss, and resilience.

Plot: 8

The plot progresses through the revelation of Nathan's letter and the emotional impact it has on Elsa and Jojo, setting the stage for further character development and conflict.

Originality: 8

The scene presents a fresh take on relationship dynamics and communication, with authentic character actions and dialogue.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Jojo and Elsa are richly portrayed, with their vulnerabilities, strengths, and complexities shining through in their interactions. Their dynamic drives the scene forward.

Character Changes: 8

Both Jojo and Elsa experience significant emotional shifts in the scene, deepening their character arcs and setting the stage for further development.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to comfort Elsa and reassure her of their relationship. This reflects his desire for stability and connection in his life.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to deliver a letter to Elsa and communicate its contents. This reflects the immediate challenge of addressing their relationship issues.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, as Jojo and Elsa grapple with their feelings and the revelations brought forth by Nathan's letter.

Opposition: 6

The opposition in the scene is subtle but effective, adding complexity to the character interactions and conflict resolution.

High Stakes: 7

While the stakes are not overtly high in this scene, the emotional stakes for Jojo and Elsa are significant, as they confront difficult truths and navigate their evolving relationship.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by revealing key information about Nathan, deepening the relationship between Jojo and Elsa, and setting up future conflicts and resolutions.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable in its emotional twists and turns, keeping the audience on their toes.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the protagonist's struggle with commitment and self-worth. It challenges his beliefs about love and responsibility.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes a strong emotional response from the audience, particularly in the moments of vulnerability and raw honesty displayed by Jojo and Elsa.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue effectively conveys the emotional depth of the characters, blending humor with poignant moments to create a compelling and authentic exchange.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its blend of humor, emotion, and character dynamics, keeping the audience invested in the story.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotion, keeping the audience engaged throughout.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character dialogue.

Structure: 9

The scene follows a clear structure and formatting, effectively conveying the character interactions and emotional beats.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the emotional weight of Jojo's attempt to connect with Elsa after the distressing revelation from the previous scene. The contrast between Jojo's light-hearted demeanor and the gravity of the letter he reads creates a poignant moment that highlights the absurdity of their situation amidst the backdrop of war.
  • Jojo's dialogue is relatable and reflects his youthful innocence, particularly in his attempt to lighten the mood with comments about Nathan's shortcomings. However, the humor could be more nuanced to avoid undermining the emotional impact of the scene. The line about girls committing suicide over Nathan feels jarring and could benefit from a more sensitive approach.
  • Elsa's response, 'Barely,' is a strong line that encapsulates her emotional state, but the transition from her distress to a peaceful expression when she opens the door feels abrupt. This shift could be better developed to show her internal struggle and the complexity of her feelings towards Jojo and Nathan.
  • The pacing of the scene is generally effective, but the reading of the letter could be slowed down to allow the audience to absorb its content and emotional implications. Pauses after significant lines could enhance the weight of Nathan's words and give Elsa's reaction more time to resonate.
  • The visual elements of the scene are minimal, focusing primarily on the dialogue. Incorporating more descriptive actions or expressions could enhance the emotional depth. For example, showing Jojo's body language as he reads the letter or Elsa's physical reaction to each line could add layers to their interaction.
Suggestions
  • Consider revising the humor in Nathan's letter to ensure it aligns with the overall tone of the scene. Aim for a balance between light-heartedness and the serious themes at play.
  • Develop Elsa's emotional transition more gradually. Perhaps include a moment where she processes the letter's content before revealing her peaceful expression, allowing the audience to feel her internal conflict.
  • Add more visual descriptions to the scene to enhance the emotional atmosphere. For instance, describe Jojo's nervousness or Elsa's vulnerability through their physical actions or the setting around them.
  • Incorporate pauses in Jojo's reading of the letter to emphasize key lines and allow the audience to reflect on the implications of Nathan's words.
  • Explore the possibility of Jojo expressing his own feelings about the situation more explicitly, which could deepen the emotional connection between him and Elsa.



Scene 33 -  Playful Rivalry
INT. JOJO’S HOUSE - INGA’S BEDROOM - LATER

CLOSE UP on Jojo, mid-discussion with Elsa.

JOJO
Beethoven.

ELSA
Einstein.


JOJO
Bach.

ELSA
Gerschwin.

JOJO
Brahms.
Mozart.
Wagner.

ELSA
All musicians, is that all you have?!

JOJO
(laughs)
Freud then.

ELSA
Ha! You dare take Freud?!
(waving a finger)
No, no, no, never. He’s ours.

JOJO
(laughing)
He’s German!

ELSA
(laughs)
No Freud for you! Or Proust.

JOJO
Rilke.

ELSA
Oh of course, your favourite, Rilke.
Jewish mother.

JOJO
Well no one takes Goethe.

ELSA
Keep him, we have Kafka.

JOJO
Durer.

ELSA
Pah... Chagall shits on Durer. A big
Russian shit on your boring Durer.

They laugh some more.


JOJO
Marlene Dietrich, then.

ELSA
(smiling, clicking her
fingers)
Houdini.

JOJO
Nooooo... impossible.

ELSA
Believe it brother. Just ask Pissaro,
Modigliani, Max Jacob, Man Ray,
Henschel, Nimzowitsch, Gertrude Stein,
Mr. Moses and Jesus Christi, Amen.

JOJO
You’re just saying any old name now.
I’ve never heard of these people and
now I’m fed up.

He stands and leaves the room. We stay with Elsa, after a
while...

ELSA
Night.
Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

Summary In Inga's bedroom, Jojo and Elsa engage in a light-hearted debate about famous German and Jewish figures, particularly musicians and artists. Their playful banter showcases their camaraderie as they take turns naming notable individuals, with Jojo humorously claiming figures like Freud and Elsa countering with her own selections. The atmosphere is filled with laughter until Jojo, feeling frustrated, decides to leave, while Elsa bids him goodnight, marking a friendly conclusion to their competitive exchange.
Strengths
  • Witty dialogue
  • Character interaction
  • Humorous banter
Weaknesses
  • Lack of significant plot progression
  • Low conflict level

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively combines humor, warmth, and character interaction to create an engaging and entertaining moment. The banter between Jojo and Elsa adds depth to their relationship and reveals their personalities.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of using a playful game of naming artists as a way for Jojo and Elsa to connect and showcase their personalities is effective. It adds depth to their relationship and provides insight into their characters.

Plot: 7.5

While the scene doesn't significantly advance the main plot, it serves as a moment of character development and relationship building between Jojo and Elsa.

Originality: 9

The scene showcases originality through its unique blend of intellectual references, humor, and character interactions. The dialogue feels authentic and fresh, offering a new perspective on cultural appreciation and personal preferences.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The scene allows Jojo and Elsa's personalities to shine through their banter, showcasing their wit, humor, and unique dynamic. Their interaction feels authentic and adds depth to their characters.

Character Changes: 4

While there is no significant character change in this scene, it does deepen the bond between Jojo and Elsa, showcasing their connection and shared sense of humor.

Internal Goal: 8

Jojo's internal goal in this scene is to engage in a witty and intellectual conversation with Elsa, showcasing his knowledge and humor. This reflects his desire for connection and intellectual stimulation.

External Goal: 6

Jojo's external goal is to entertain Elsa and maintain a positive interaction with her. This reflects the immediate challenge of keeping the conversation engaging and enjoyable.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 3

The scene lacks significant conflict, focusing more on light-hearted banter and character interaction.

Opposition: 6

The opposition in the scene is mild, with Elsa challenging Jojo's choices in a playful manner. The audience is left wondering how the characters will resolve their differences, adding a layer of tension and intrigue.

High Stakes: 2

The scene does not involve high stakes but focuses more on light-hearted banter and character interaction.

Story Forward: 5

The scene does not significantly move the main plot forward but provides important character development and relationship building between Jojo and Elsa.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in the characters' conversation and the playful banter that keeps the audience guessing. The rapid-fire dialogue adds an element of surprise and spontaneity.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the characters' differing opinions on cultural figures and their significance. Elsa challenges Jojo's choices, leading to a playful debate on artistic value and personal preferences.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The scene evokes a light-hearted and warm emotional response from the audience, primarily through the humor and playful interaction between Jojo and Elsa.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue in the scene is witty, playful, and engaging. It effectively reveals the characters' personalities and builds their relationship through humor and banter.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the witty banter, rapid dialogue exchanges, and playful dynamic between Jojo and Elsa. The humor and intellectual references keep the audience entertained and invested in the characters' interaction.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a balance of quick exchanges and pauses that allow for comedic timing and character development. The rhythm of the dialogue contributes to the scene's effectiveness and engagement.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and easy to follow, with distinct character dialogue and actions. The scene adheres to the expected format for its genre, enhancing readability and comprehension.

Structure: 7

The structure of the scene follows a conversational format, with back-and-forth dialogue between Jojo and Elsa. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness, maintaining engagement and humor throughout.


Critique
  • The playful banter between Jojo and Elsa effectively showcases their camaraderie and the development of their relationship. However, the scene could benefit from deeper emotional stakes. While the dialogue is humorous, it lacks a sense of urgency or tension that could elevate the stakes of their interaction, especially given the context of their situation.
  • The dialogue is witty and captures the essence of their characters, but it sometimes feels like a rapid-fire exchange that may overwhelm the audience. Slowing down the pace slightly or incorporating pauses could allow for more impactful moments and give the audience time to absorb the humor and the underlying themes.
  • The scene's setting in Inga's bedroom is appropriate, but it could be enhanced with more visual details that reflect the characters' emotional states or the broader context of their lives. For instance, incorporating elements that symbolize their fears or hopes could add depth to the scene.
  • The transition from Jojo's playful demeanor to his frustration at the end feels abrupt. While it serves to show his character's limits, it could be more gradual. Adding a moment of reflection or a specific trigger for his frustration could make this shift feel more organic.
  • Elsa's final line, 'Night,' feels somewhat flat compared to the lively exchange that precedes it. A more expressive or poignant closing line could leave a stronger impression and encapsulate the emotional weight of their conversation.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment of vulnerability or a shared concern that could deepen the emotional connection between Jojo and Elsa. This could be a brief acknowledgment of their precarious situation, which would contrast with their playful banter.
  • Introduce a visual element in the background that reflects the themes of their conversation, such as a piece of art or a book that symbolizes their cultural heritage or the conflict they are navigating.
  • Incorporate pauses or reactions between lines to allow the humor to breathe and give the audience time to react. This could enhance the comedic timing and make the dialogue feel more natural.
  • Explore Jojo's frustration more thoroughly by providing a specific reason for his annoyance. Perhaps he could express a deeper concern about their situation or a realization about the absurdity of their debate in light of the war.
  • Revise Elsa's closing line to be more impactful, perhaps by reflecting on the day's conversation or hinting at the uncertainty of their future, which would resonate with the audience and provide a stronger emotional closure to the scene.



Scene 34 -  Rations and Reflections
EXT. FOOD RATION STORE - DAY

Frau Betzler stands in line to receive her food allowance. She
hands three RATION CARDS to the STOREMAN.

STOREMAN
Three? I remember you only used two in
the past.

FRAU BETZLER
Ah, yes, but I have developed a more
efficient system. I now use 3 ration
cards, taking enough for 2 to eat, but
then we take twice as long to eat it,
you see? 3 for 2, which makes 6. But
here’s where it gets interesting; you
take the original number times it by
3, carry the 7, subtract 2, then add 2
again (because secretly you need the
2), then divide the whole thing by the
potatoes.
(smiling)
Simple, no?


The Storeman looks puzzled and a couple of other people in line
watch the exchange suspiciously. Jojo helps his mother with the
shopping and they leave.

FRAU BETZLER (CONT’D)
Excuse me, look out, German coming
through.


EXT. TOWN - RIVER - EVENING

Jojo and his mother sit with some locals on the banks of the
river as a small, pathetic parade of RETURNED SOLDIERS go by.
Frau Betzler looks to the sky.

FRAU BETZLER
Once there were fireworks. To
celebrate them coming home. Now the
sky is empty.

Jojo sees GUDRUN, the girl from Hitlerjugend camp. They make eye
contact, he smiles but her face turns away in disgust.

FRAU BETZLER (CONT’D)
At least it’s still romantic down here
at the Fluss. There used to be lovers
walking these banks, dancing. But
now...

JOJO
Mama, there is no time for romance, we
are at war.

FRAU BETZLER
There is always time for romance Jojo.
One day you will meet someone special.

JOJO
Why does everyone keep telling me
that?

FRAU BETZLER
Who else tells you?

JOJO
Everyone. Anyway, it’s a stupid idea.

FRAU BETZLER
Love isn’t stupid, cub. It’s the
strongest thing in the world.


JOJO
I think you’ll find that metal is the
strongest thing in the world, followed
closely by dynamite and then muscles
in third place.
(beat)
Besides, I wouldn’t even know it if I
saw it.

FRAU BETZLER
Love?

JOJO
Yes, that. I suppose it smells like
flowers or soap.

FRAU BETZLER
(looking down)
Oh surprise, surprise, your shoelaces
undone. Again.
(putting on a voice)
“I’m Jojo and I don’t know how to tie
my shoelaces even though I’m 10”.
(she ties his laces)
No Jojo. Love has no smell. It has no
shape and it has no sound.

JOJO
Well then how would anyone know? It
can’t exist.

FRAU BETZLER
You’ll know it when it happens. You’ll
feel it.

JOJO
Like a pain in my arse I bet.

FRAU BETZLER
Nope, in your tummy. Like butterflies.
And your heart. It’s like you’re full
of butterflies.

JOJO
Butterflies huh? Yuck.

FRAU BETZLER
Yeah, yuck. Come on Shitler, let’s get
a move on.

She stands. Jojo gets to his feet but trips. His shoelaces are
tied together.


JOJO
Wha??

FRAU BETZLER
Haha! Come on kid, get your act
together, don’t you know how to walk
properly?

She helps him to his feet and pushes him along, he falls again,
laughing.

JOJO
Mama, stop it!

FRAU BETZLER
What’s wrong Jojo? Get it together,
man. I’m worried about you, are you
drunk?
(to a passer-by)
Excuse me, can you help? My child is
drunk.

JOJO
(laughing)
Don’t believe her!

FRAU BETZLER
(another silly voice)
“I’m Jojo and I shouldn’t trust pretty
ladies to tie my shoelaces...”

He gets up and tries to chase her. They play like this, him
tripping over, trying to catch his mother, as locals watch.
Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

Summary In a food ration store, Frau Betzler humorously explains her unconventional use of three ration cards, leaving the Storeman puzzled and other patrons suspicious. Later, by a river, she and her son Jojo engage in playful banter about love and shoelaces, contrasting the light-heartedness of their interaction with the somber backdrop of wartime. Despite Jojo's skepticism about romance, their affectionate exchange culminates in laughter as he trips over his laces while chasing her.
Strengths
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Authentic character dynamics
  • Humorous and emotional balance
Weaknesses
  • Limited plot progression
  • Low conflict level

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively balances humor and emotion, providing insight into the characters' relationships and inner thoughts. The dialogue is engaging and reveals layers of the characters' personalities, creating a memorable and impactful moment.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring love and family dynamics in the midst of war is compelling and adds depth to the characters. The scene effectively conveys the theme of finding moments of joy and connection in challenging times.

Plot: 7.5

While the scene does not significantly advance the main plot, it provides valuable insight into the characters' relationships and emotional states. The subplot of love and romance adds depth to the overall narrative.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh take on the theme of love and resilience in wartime, with authentic character interactions and dialogue that feel genuine and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Jojo and Frau Betzler are well-developed and their dynamic is engaging. Jojo's playful nature contrasts with Frau Betzler's wisdom, creating a compelling relationship that drives the scene.

Character Changes: 6

While there is not a significant character change in this scene, Jojo's perspective on love and relationships is subtly challenged by Frau Betzler's wisdom, setting the stage for potential growth in future scenes.

Internal Goal: 8

Frau Betzler's internal goal is to instill a sense of hope and love in her son Jojo despite the difficult circumstances they are facing. She wants him to believe in the power of love and connection.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to navigate the challenges of war and rationing while maintaining a sense of normalcy and love for her son.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 4

The conflict in the scene is minimal, focusing more on the characters' internal struggles and relationships. The tension arises from Jojo's resistance to the idea of love and Frau Betzler's attempts to impart wisdom.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene comes from Jojo's skepticism and Frau Betzler's unwavering belief in love, creating tension and conflict that drives the character dynamics.

High Stakes: 3

The stakes in the scene are relatively low, focusing more on personal relationships and emotional growth. The characters' struggles with love and family add depth to the narrative but do not involve immediate danger or high-risk situations.

Story Forward: 6

The scene does not significantly move the main plot forward but provides valuable insight into the characters' motivations and relationships. It sets the stage for potential developments in the characters' arcs.

Unpredictability: 7

The scene is unpredictable in its blend of humor and poignancy, keeping the audience on their toes with unexpected character interactions.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between the harsh reality of war and the enduring power of love and hope. Frau Betzler's belief in love as the strongest force in the world contrasts with Jojo's skepticism and focus on material strength.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from laughter to nostalgia to hope. The characters' vulnerability and humor create a poignant and relatable moment that resonates with the audience.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is witty, humorous, and emotionally resonant, capturing the essence of the characters' personalities. The banter between Jojo and Frau Betzler adds depth to their relationship and reveals their inner thoughts.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its mix of humor, emotion, and philosophical depth, keeping the audience invested in the characters' journey.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by balancing humor and emotion, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the characters' journey.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions that enhance the visual storytelling.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with well-paced dialogue and character interactions that drive the narrative forward effectively.


Critique
  • The scene effectively juxtaposes the harsh realities of wartime with moments of levity and warmth between Jojo and his mother, which is a strong thematic element. However, the humor can sometimes feel forced, particularly in the dialogue about love and shoelaces. While the playful banter is charming, it risks undermining the gravity of their situation.
  • Frau Betzler's character shines through her attempts to maintain a sense of normalcy and hope amidst the chaos, but her explanations about love and the absurdity of rationing could be more grounded. The mathematical analogy she uses is clever but may come off as overly convoluted, potentially losing the audience's engagement.
  • Jojo's skepticism about love is relatable and adds depth to his character, but the dialogue could benefit from more subtlety. Instead of explicitly stating his disbelief, showing his internal conflict through actions or expressions could enhance the emotional impact.
  • The physical comedy of Jojo tripping over his shoelaces is a nice touch, but it could be more effectively integrated into the dialogue. The humor feels somewhat disconnected from the preceding conversation about love, which could be smoothed out for better flow.
  • The scene's pacing is generally good, but the transition from the food ration store to the river could be more seamless. A brief moment of reflection or a visual cue could help bridge the two locations, emphasizing the contrast between the mundane task of rationing and the more profound conversation by the river.
Suggestions
  • Consider simplifying Frau Betzler's explanation of her rationing system to make it more relatable and humorous without losing the audience. A more straightforward analogy could enhance clarity and engagement.
  • Explore Jojo's skepticism about love through non-verbal cues or actions, such as facial expressions or body language, rather than relying solely on dialogue. This could create a more nuanced portrayal of his character.
  • Integrate the physical comedy of Jojo tripping more closely with the dialogue about love, perhaps by having him trip at a particularly poignant moment in the conversation, enhancing the humor while maintaining emotional resonance.
  • Add a brief moment of reflection or a visual transition between the food ration store and the river scene to create a smoother narrative flow and emphasize the shift in tone.
  • Consider deepening the emotional stakes of the scene by incorporating a moment where Jojo reflects on the war's impact on his family, which could add weight to the playful banter and create a more balanced tone.



Scene 35 -  A Walk Through Innocence
EXT. TOWN - STREET - LATER

His shoelaces now properly tied, Jojo and his mother continue
walking. Frau Betzler notices other children staring, laughing
and pointing at Jojo behind his back. She turns and gives them a
ghostly ‘BOO!’ They scatter in fright. Jojo smiles but is
embarrassed.

FRAU BETZLER
Hey Jojo?

JOJO
Yes, Rosie?

FRAU BETZLER
Promise me one thing will you? When
this is all over and the world is
normal again, try to be a normal kid
again?


JOJO
I don’t know what you’re talking
about.

FRAU BETZLER
You’re growing up too fast. A ten year
old shouldn’t be celebrating war or
talking politics. You should be having
fun, climbing trees and then falling
out of those trees.

JOJO
But I must love war. Our father says
when we win, it is us young boys who
will rule the world.

FRAU BETZLER
The Reich is dying. There will be
nothing to rule. Your beloved angry
man is losing. And you already have a
father.

JOJO
And where is he? Winning the war?

FRAU BETZLER
He is more of a man than any of your
heroes... Oh Gott...

She stops suddenly. PAINTED in WHITE across their front door we
see:

O 5

Jojo is puzzled. Frau Betzler gasps. Some neighbours are
watching from their windows.

JOJO
Huh? That’s not our address.

FRAU BETZLER
(to the neighbours)
Fascinating isn’t it?! Oh so
interesting!

The neighbours close the curtains as she storms inside.


EXT. JOJO’S HOUSE - FRONT DOOR - LATER

Jojo and his mother scrub the door with brushes and water. The
paint is slow to come off.


JOJO
What does it mean, mama?

FRAU BETZLER
Oh, pff, nothing darling. Those damned
neighbourhood kids playing pranks!
It’s probably some sort of funny joke!

JOJO
O-5...?

FRAU BETZLER
It’s probably their age. Ha!

She laughs and continues to scrub.

JOJO
It’s probably their I.Q.

FRAU BETZLER
Exactly! O5! So funny, I love it!

Jojo watches her scrub, as do the neighbours. She looks back and
WINKS at Jojo.
Genres: ["Drama","War"]

Summary Jojo and his mother, Frau Betzler, stroll through their town, where she defends him against mocking children and expresses concern about his obsession with war. Jojo questions his father's absence and they discover a mysterious 'O 5' painted on their door, which Frau Betzler dismisses as a prank. Their conversation blends humor and tension as she encourages him to enjoy childhood, while Jojo remains fixated on the importance of war. The scene captures their struggle between innocence and the harsh realities surrounding them.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Realistic dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Lack of external conflict
  • Limited plot progression

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively combines emotional depth with light-hearted moments, creating a compelling and engaging interaction between Jojo and his mother. The dialogue is well-crafted, and the setting adds depth to their relationship.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring the relationship between Jojo and his mother in the midst of war is compelling. The scene effectively conveys themes of family, loyalty, and the impact of conflict on personal dynamics.

Plot: 8

The plot progression in the scene is subtle but significant, focusing on character interactions and emotional depth rather than major events. It adds depth to the overall narrative and sets the stage for future developments.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh perspective on the impact of war on children, exploring themes of innocence, propaganda, and resistance. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and compelling.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Jojo and Frau Betzler are well-developed in this scene, with their personalities shining through in their dialogue and actions. Their relationship is central to the scene and drives the emotional impact.

Character Changes: 7

While there is subtle character development, particularly in Jojo's growing awareness of the impact of war on his personal life, the changes are not drastic in this scene.

Internal Goal: 8

Jojo's internal goal is to reconcile his youthful innocence with the indoctrination he has received about war and politics. This reflects his deeper need for belonging and understanding in a world filled with conflicting ideologies.

External Goal: 7

Jojo's external goal is to navigate the challenges of growing up in a war-torn society and maintain a sense of normalcy despite the chaos around him.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

The conflict in the scene is more internal and emotional, focusing on Jojo's struggle to balance his loyalty to the Reich with his personal relationships. It adds depth to the character dynamics without relying on external action.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Frau Betzler challenging Jojo's beliefs and forcing him to confront uncomfortable truths. The audience is left uncertain about the characters' fates and choices.

High Stakes: 5

The stakes in the scene are more personal and emotional, focusing on Jojo's internal struggles and his relationship with his mother. While important, they are not as high as in other scenes with more external conflict.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by deepening the audience's understanding of the characters and their relationships. It sets the stage for future developments and adds layers to the narrative.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected turn of events, such as the painted door and Frau Betzler's reaction. The element of surprise adds depth to the narrative and keeps the audience guessing.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between blind loyalty to authority and the questioning of that authority. Frau Betzler challenges Jojo's beliefs, forcing him to confront the reality of the situation.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene has a strong emotional impact, particularly in the moments of vulnerability and reflection between Jojo and his mother. It resonates with the audience and adds depth to their characters.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene is engaging and realistic, capturing the nuances of the relationship between Jojo and his mother. It blends emotional depth with light-hearted moments, adding depth to their interaction.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its blend of humor, drama, and tension. The characters' interactions and conflicts draw the reader in, creating a sense of intrigue and emotional investment.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and emotional resonance. The rhythm of the dialogue and actions enhances the scene's impact and keeps the reader engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene adheres to the expected format for its genre, with proper scene headings, dialogue formatting, and descriptive elements. The visual cues enhance the reader's understanding of the setting and characters.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a coherent structure, with clear character motivations and narrative progression. The dialogue and actions flow naturally, contributing to the scene's effectiveness.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the tension between Jojo's childhood innocence and the harsh realities of the world around him. Frau Betzler's attempts to protect Jojo from the burdens of war are poignant, but the dialogue could benefit from more subtlety. The contrast between Jojo's naivety and his mother's wisdom is clear, yet the dialogue feels somewhat on-the-nose at times, particularly in phrases like 'You’re growing up too fast.' This could be conveyed through more nuanced interactions or actions rather than explicit statements.
  • The introduction of the 'O 5' graffiti serves as a strong visual metaphor for the societal pressures and dangers surrounding Jojo and his family. However, the scene could delve deeper into the emotional impact of this discovery. Jojo's puzzled reaction is appropriate, but it might be more effective if he expressed a hint of fear or confusion, which would heighten the tension and foreshadow the darker themes of the story.
  • Frau Betzler's character is well-developed in this scene, showcasing her protective nature and underlying anxiety about the war. However, her transition from playful to serious could be more gradual. The abrupt shift when she gasps at the graffiti feels jarring. A more gradual build-up to her concern could enhance the emotional weight of the moment.
  • The humor in Jojo's comments about the 'O 5' being related to IQ is a nice touch, providing levity amidst the tension. However, the humor could be more integrated into the scene rather than feeling like a separate beat. This would help maintain the flow and keep the audience engaged without losing the underlying seriousness of the situation.
  • The scene ends on a somewhat ambiguous note with Frau Betzler winking at Jojo, which could be interpreted in various ways. While this adds complexity, it may leave the audience confused about her true feelings. Clarifying her intentions or emotions in this moment could strengthen the scene's conclusion.
Suggestions
  • Consider revising the dialogue to make it more subtle and layered, allowing the characters' emotions to come through their actions and interactions rather than explicit statements.
  • Enhance Jojo's reaction to the 'O 5' graffiti by incorporating more emotional depth, such as fear or confusion, to emphasize the gravity of the situation.
  • Smooth out the transition in Frau Betzler's demeanor from playful to serious, perhaps by adding a moment of hesitation or reflection before she reacts to the graffiti.
  • Integrate the humor about the 'O 5' more seamlessly into the conversation, ensuring it flows naturally with the emotional tone of the scene.
  • Clarify Frau Betzler's intentions with her wink at Jojo at the end of the scene, possibly by adding a line or action that reflects her true feelings about the situation.



Scene 36 -  Whimsy Amidst Worry
INT. JOJO’S HOUSE - ELSA’S HIDEOUT - NIGHT

Jojo sits on Inga’s bed, lost in thought. Elsa sits nearby. Jojo
sighs.

ELSA
What’s wrong?

JOJO
I’m just distracted. There’s a gang of
5 year-old vandals running around the
neighbourhood.

ELSA
I heard people near the house earlier.

JOJO
That’s them. Degenerate toddlers
harassing innocent people. I’m worried
about my mother.

He takes a seat.

JOJO (CONT’D)
No news from Nathan today I’m afraid.
He’s probably doing something amazing
like blowing up trains or growing a
moustache.


She smiles at this.

ELSA
You want me to tell you about the
Jews?

Jojo looks at her. Really?

ELSA (CONT’D)
Get comfortable.
(she takes a breath)
In the beginning we used to live in
caves, deep, deep in the centre of the
Earth.

JOJO
Wait.

Jojo takes a pen and starts writing furiously in his book.

ELSA
Scary places full of strange and
wonderful creatures all with one thing
in common...

JOJO
(nodding, knowingly)
Stealing the ends of penises.

ELSA
(laughing)
No you idiot. A love of art and
poetry.

JOJO
No cutting penises off?

ELSA
You want the story or not?

JOJO
You may continue. But I know it’s
true, the penis thing. Rabbis use them
for earplugs.

ELSA
Aaaand moving on. So, after many years
of developing magic and spells, we
slowly moved out of the caves and into
the towns. Some of us stayed in the
caves and stayed in our normal bodies.

JOJO
Which are... blobs or something?


ELSA
Well, I’ll draw them for you.

She takes Jojo’s book and starts drawing. Jojo watches her
elegant hands as they create the picture. She hands the book
back to Jojo; it is a beautiful sketch of a WEIRD creature that
is more like an ELF or FAIRY. Definitely not Jewish or a
monster.

ELSA (CONT’D)
It would be better with colour but all
I have is this blunt pencil.

JOJO
Where’s the horns?

ELSA
Um, they’re under the hair.

JOJO
Where are yours?

ELSA
I’m too young. They grow when you turn
21.

JOJO
(of course!)
Ahhh...

He writes that down too.

ELSA
Anyway, these days we live among
normal humans but often we will take
over a house and hang from the ceiling
when we sleep, like bats. Oh, one
interesting thing is that we can read
each others’ minds.

JOJO
Everyone’s minds? What about German
minds?

ELSA
No, they are too thick for us to
penetrate. We can only read Jewish
thoughts.

JOJO
So you’re weaker when you’re separated
from your hive...


ELSA
Exactly.

JOJO
Oh my God, this is so good. So what
are your other weaknesses?

ELSA
Well, although we used to be able to
fly unfortunately we can’t anymore -
otherwise I’d be long gone.

JOJO
Of course.

ELSA
Our wings got burnt off after that
whole Jesus debacle. Punishment from
God.

JOJO
Makes sense.

ELSA
Oh, and we are attracted to shiny
things, like birds. That is why we
came to the beautiful cities of
Germany, all the glass and gold and
crystals.

JOJO
(writing)
Attracted to shiny things... but also
ugly things, Jews love ugliness.
That’s another thing we learned in
school.
(beat)
Ugly things yes? You love them?

Elsa regards this 10 year-old kid writing as fast as he can, a
manic look on his face. A small smile creeps across hers.

ELSA
No, not ugly things, exotic things.

JOJO
(ignoring her, writing)
Hmm yes, they love ugly things.

He pauses, catches a glimpse of himself in a mirror on the other
side of the room. We see his scarred face. He registers his
“ugliness” and goes back to writing.
Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

Summary In a nighttime scene at Jojo's house, Jojo sits on Inga's bed, distracted by concerns for his mother and a gang of young vandals. Elsa, in an effort to lighten the mood, shares a humorous and imaginative story about Jews, correcting Jojo's misconceptions while they engage in playful banter. As Jojo takes notes and Elsa draws a whimsical creature, their friendship shines through the light-hearted exchange, despite the underlying tension of their reality. The scene concludes with Jojo reflecting on his own perceived ugliness as he glimpses his scarred face in the mirror.
Strengths
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Character development
  • Humorous tone
Weaknesses
  • Subtle plot progression
  • Limited external conflict

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively balances humor with introspection, providing insight into the characters' perspectives while maintaining an engaging and entertaining tone.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring stereotypes and identity through playful banter is engaging and thought-provoking.

Plot: 7.5

While the plot progression is subtle in this scene, the focus on character development and thematic exploration adds depth to the overall narrative.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh and original take on Jewish history and folklore, blending reality with fantasy in a humorous and thought-provoking way. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Jojo and Elsa are well-defined and their interactions feel authentic, adding richness to the scene.

Character Changes: 8

Both Jojo and Elsa experience subtle shifts in their perspectives and understanding of each other throughout the scene.

Internal Goal: 8

Jojo's internal goal in this scene is to distract himself from his worries about the gang of vandals and his missing mother. He seeks comfort and entertainment in Elsa's storytelling and the world she describes.

External Goal: 7

Jojo's external goal is to learn more about Jewish history and traditions from Elsa. He is curious and eager to absorb the information she shares.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6.5

The conflict in the scene is more subtle, focusing on the internal struggles and misunderstandings between the characters.

Opposition: 6

The opposition in the scene is subtle, with Jojo's skepticism and Elsa's storytelling creating a tension between reality and fantasy. The audience is left wondering about the truth behind the characters' words.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes in the scene are more personal and emotional, focusing on the characters' growth and understanding rather than external conflicts.

Story Forward: 7

While the scene does not significantly advance the main plot, it deepens the relationship between Jojo and Elsa, setting the stage for future developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists and turns in the characters' dialogue and actions. The blend of reality and fantasy adds an element of surprise.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the juxtaposition of reality and fantasy, truth and fiction. Jojo's skepticism and Elsa's storytelling create a tension between what is known and what is imagined.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7.5

The scene elicits a range of emotions, from humor to reflection, creating a nuanced emotional impact.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is witty, engaging, and reveals insights into the characters' personalities and beliefs.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its witty dialogue, imaginative storytelling, and playful banter between the characters. The blend of reality and fantasy keeps the audience intrigued.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a good balance of dialogue and action. The rhythm of the scene contributes to its effectiveness and engagement.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions. The dialogue is well-formatted and easy to follow.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with well-defined character interactions and dialogue. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the scene's effectiveness.


Critique
  • The scene effectively balances humor and tension, showcasing Jojo's innocence and Elsa's resilience in a dire situation. The playful banter about Jewish stereotypes serves to highlight Jojo's naivety while also allowing Elsa to reclaim her narrative, which is a strong thematic element.
  • The dialogue is sharp and engaging, with a good mix of absurdity and wit. However, some of the jokes about Jewish stereotypes, while intended to be humorous, could risk alienating some audiences if not handled with care. It's important to ensure that the humor does not come off as insensitive, especially given the context of the story.
  • The visual elements, such as Jojo's writing and Elsa's drawing, add a layer of creativity to the scene. This not only emphasizes their bond but also serves as a metaphor for storytelling and the power of imagination in the face of adversity.
  • Jojo's character development is evident as he transitions from a naive boy to someone who begins to question the narratives he has been taught. This scene is pivotal in showcasing that growth, but it could benefit from a clearer emotional arc for Jojo as he grapples with his identity and beliefs.
  • The pacing of the scene is generally good, but it could be tightened in places. Some exchanges feel slightly drawn out, which may detract from the overall impact. A more concise dialogue could enhance the comedic timing and keep the audience engaged.
Suggestions
  • Consider refining some of the jokes to ensure they land well without crossing into potentially offensive territory. Focus on the absurdity of Jojo's misconceptions rather than reinforcing stereotypes.
  • Introduce a moment where Jojo reflects on his own beliefs more deeply, perhaps after Elsa shares her story. This could add emotional weight and complexity to his character development.
  • Tighten the dialogue by cutting any repetitive lines or exchanges that don't add to the humor or character development. This will help maintain a brisk pace and keep the audience engaged.
  • Incorporate more visual storytelling elements, such as Jojo's expressions or reactions to Elsa's drawings, to enhance the emotional resonance of the scene.
  • Consider adding a moment of silence or a pause after a particularly humorous exchange to allow the audience to absorb the humor before moving on. This can create a more impactful comedic rhythm.



Scene 37 -  A Surreal Encounter
INT. JOJO’S HOUSE - JOJO’S BEDROOM - MOMENTS LATER

Jojo enters his room with a pep in his step..

VOICE (O.S.)
Ahem...

Jojo turns to see Adolf Hitler sitting in his bed.

JOJO
Wha-- Hey, that’s my bed.

ADOLF
You two seem to be getting on well.

JOJO
Who?

ADOLF
You and old Jew face.

JOJO
No, I just...

ADOLF
(mocking)
I was jus-- I was jus--

JOJO
I was making sure she was still alive.

ADOLF
What do you care?

JOJO
I don’t. But I also don’t want a dead
person in my house. How would you like
it?

ADOLF
(wiggling his toes)
I wouldn’t care. I’m tough. Look, I
want to believe you but part of me
doesn’t. Whatever that feeling is
called. That and all the time you guys
are spending together... I have to
admit, it makes me uncomfortable.

JOJO
Well, you suggested it in the first
place. Besides, it’s for the book.


ADOLF
Okay, sorry. You’re right. Oh no, I’ve
made it weird between us, haven’t I?
Is it weird? Oh god, it’s weird now.

A moment as we take in Hitler in Jojo’s bed. Weird.

JOJO
It’s fine, look I’m just tired. I need
to go to bed.

ADOLF
Sure, I was just keeping it warm for
you.

He gets out of bed, dressed in full regalia, including those
PUFFY-HIPPED PANTS that WW2 Generals wear.

ADOLF (CONT’D)
Hey do you think this uniform is
slimming? I’m not sure about the hips
on the pants. I’ve seen them on other
people and honestly, they make the
thighs look absolutely HUGE.

JOJO
You look great. As usual.

ADOLF
What about the moustache? I’m thinking
about losing it. It seemed like a
great idea at first but now I’m not
sure. It’s always there, like a little
black worm. Whenever I look at my face
I just see this stupid thing crawling
on my lip.

JOJO
Well, it’s kind of your trademark now.

ADOLF
(feeling his moustache)
You’re right. I guess I’ll keep it.
Thanks, I can always count on you to
make me feel better. You’re like an
honest and reliable son to me.

JOJO
And you’re like a fashionable dad.

Throughout this very short monologue, Adolf Hitler builds in
energy, resembling for the first time, the intense yet
charismatic Hitler we know from the famous speeches.


ADOLF
Be careful Jojo, and remember this
good advice from me. Once you see
what's in her mind and where she's
trying to get you to go - in your own
head, you must go the other way. Don’t
let her put you in a brain prison! You
must be strong, you must always be
alert and ready for anything. She's
dangerous and cunning like an
unpredictable baby opossum. Before you
know it, you’ve got that thing
clinging to your face, and that, dear
Jojo, is one thing that does cannot
happen to a German! Do not let her
boss your German brain around!

He has worked himself up into quite a frenzy. Jojo stares at him
with love and admiration.

JOJO
I won’t let my brain be bossed around
by her, mein Führer.

ADOLF
Try not to. Bossing around people’s
brains is extremely rude and uncalled
for. It looks like you’ve got a lot of
good information so far. Now to share
it with others, yes?

Jojo nods. Hitler goes to leave.

JOJO
Um Adolf, do you think I’m... ugly?

ADOLF
Is that a trick question?
(he ponders, then)
Is there another word for ugly but not
quite as offensive?

JOJO
I don’t think so.

ADOLF
Well if there was, that’d be you to a
tee. Anyway, ugly isn’t a bad thing.
Field Marshal Rommel was absolutely
hideous but he made up for it with
great joke telling abilities.
(then)
Sweet dreams, little Rabbit.


He winks and leaps out the window. Jojo looks in the mirror once
more. He scowls at himself and turns out the light.
Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

Summary In Jojo's bedroom, he finds Adolf Hitler sitting on his bed, leading to a humorous and surreal conversation. Hitler expresses discomfort about Jojo's feelings for a Jewish girl, while offering bizarre advice about appearance and mental strength. Their exchange blends dark comedy with moments of reflection, culminating in Hitler playfully calling Jojo 'ugly' before jumping out the window, leaving Jojo to contemplate his self-image.
Strengths
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Complex character dynamics
  • Humorous elements
  • Emotional depth
Weaknesses
  • Potential tonal shifts
  • Dependence on historical context for impact

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively combines humor, reflection, and tension within the wartime context, creating an engaging and multi-dimensional atmosphere. The presence of Adolf Hitler adds a unique and unexpected element to the dialogue, enhancing the scene's complexity and entertainment value.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of incorporating Adolf Hitler as a character in a light-hearted and reflective scene set during wartime is innovative and engaging. The scene explores themes of self-image, relationships, and the impact of the war on individuals in a unique and thought-provoking way.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene revolves around Jojo's interactions with Adolf Hitler, his internal struggles, and the wartime setting. The dialogue and character dynamics drive the plot forward effectively, setting up future developments and revealing insights into the characters' motivations.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh and original concept by portraying Jojo's imaginary interactions with Hitler in a darkly comedic light. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds depth to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Jojo and Adolf Hitler are well-developed and engaging, with distinct personalities and speaking styles. Jojo is portrayed as curious, conflicted, and introspective, while Adolf Hitler is depicted as comedic, quirky, and surprisingly insightful.

Character Changes: 8

Both Jojo and Adolf Hitler undergo subtle changes in the scene, with Jojo gaining insights into his self-image and relationships, and Adolf Hitler revealing unexpected depth and humor. Their interactions lead to personal growth and new perspectives, setting the stage for future developments.

Internal Goal: 8

Jojo's internal goal in this scene is to navigate his complicated relationship with his imaginary friend, Adolf Hitler, and assert his own agency and independence. This reflects Jojo's deeper need for self-acceptance and autonomy.

External Goal: 7.5

Jojo's external goal in this scene is to maintain a sense of normalcy and control in his interactions with Hitler, despite the absurdity of the situation. This reflects the immediate challenge of balancing his fantasy world with reality.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, focusing on Jojo's struggles with self-image, relationships, and the wartime context. The tension between Jojo and Adolf Hitler adds a layer of complexity to the dialogue, creating a sense of unease and intrigue.

Opposition: 7.5

The opposition in the scene is strong, as Jojo must navigate the conflicting influences of his imaginary friend and his own moral compass. The uncertainty of the situation adds tension and complexity to the scene.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes in the scene are moderate, focusing on Jojo's internal struggles, relationships, and the impact of the war on his life. The presence of Adolf Hitler adds a layer of unpredictability and tension, raising the stakes and setting the stage for future conflicts.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by deepening the characters' relationships, revealing new insights, and setting up future conflicts and resolutions. The interactions between Jojo and Adolf Hitler drive the narrative forward, adding layers of complexity and intrigue to the plot.

Unpredictability: 8.5

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected interactions between Jojo and Hitler, as well as the shifting tone from humor to introspection. The audience is kept on their toes by the surreal elements of the scene.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the clash between Jojo's internal moral compass and the influence of Hitler's toxic ideology. This challenges Jojo's beliefs and values, highlighting the dangers of succumbing to harmful influences.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene has a moderate emotional impact, blending humor, reflection, and tension to evoke a range of feelings in the audience. The moments of introspection and vulnerability add depth to the characters and enhance the emotional resonance of the scene.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene is witty, humorous, and emotionally resonant, capturing the essence of the characters and the themes of the story. The banter between Jojo and Adolf Hitler is particularly engaging, adding depth and complexity to their relationship.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its blend of humor, drama, and surreal elements. The dynamic between Jojo and Hitler keeps the audience intrigued and invested in the characters' journey.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and emotional depth. The rhythm of the dialogue and character interactions enhances the scene's impact.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene adheres to the expected format for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions. The dialogue is well-paced and engaging.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows a coherent narrative arc, with clear character motivations and development. The dialogue and pacing contribute to the scene's effectiveness.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the absurdity of Jojo's relationship with his imaginary friend Adolf Hitler, blending humor with the underlying tension of Jojo's situation. The dialogue is witty and showcases the dynamic between Jojo and Hitler, highlighting Jojo's innocence and Hitler's manipulative nature.
  • The use of physical comedy, such as Hitler's exaggerated concern about his appearance and the description of his uniform, adds a layer of absurdity that contrasts with the serious themes of the story. This juxtaposition is effective in maintaining the film's tone.
  • However, the scene could benefit from a clearer emotional arc. While the humor is strong, the stakes feel somewhat low. Jojo's internal conflict regarding his feelings for Elsa and his loyalty to Hitler could be more pronounced, allowing for a deeper exploration of his character.
  • The pacing of the scene is generally good, but there are moments where the dialogue could be tightened. Some exchanges feel slightly drawn out, which may detract from the overall impact. For instance, the discussion about Hitler's mustache, while humorous, could be more concise to maintain momentum.
  • The ending, where Jojo looks in the mirror and scowls at his reflection, is a poignant moment that reinforces his internal struggle with self-image. However, it could be enhanced by incorporating a more explicit emotional response from Jojo, perhaps reflecting on his feelings about his appearance in relation to his identity and the war.
Suggestions
  • Consider tightening the dialogue in certain areas to enhance pacing and maintain engagement. Focus on keeping the exchanges sharp and impactful.
  • Explore Jojo's internal conflict more deeply throughout the scene. Perhaps include a moment where he questions his loyalty to Hitler versus his feelings for Elsa, adding emotional weight to the humor.
  • Incorporate more visual elements that reflect Jojo's emotional state, such as his body language or facial expressions, to enhance the connection between his internal struggle and the absurdity of his situation.
  • Experiment with the ending to provide a stronger emotional punch. Perhaps have Jojo express a fleeting moment of vulnerability or doubt about his identity before he turns off the light, reinforcing the theme of self-acceptance amidst chaos.
  • Consider adding a brief moment of silence or reflection after Hitler leaves, allowing Jojo to process the absurdity of the conversation and his feelings about his appearance, which could deepen the emotional resonance of the scene.



Scene 38 -  The Handgrenade Kid's Inquiry
INT. REICHSJUGENDAMT - DAY

Jojo enters the office and is immediately greeted by Captain
Klenzendorf who sits at a desk drawing.

KLENZENDORF
Heyyy, look who it is!

OFFICER 1
The Handgrenade kid!

KLENZENDORF
So, how can we help you today? Are you
missing a pee-pee?

Finkel giggles, he loves Klenzendorf.

JOJO
I’m not missing my pee-pee.

KLENZENDORF
What? Oh, false alarm Finkel. All pee-
pee’s are accounted for. What’s up?

JOJO
If someone turned in a Jew would they
get a medal or something?

KLENZENDORF
Have you found one?

JOJO
I’m on the lookout. I’m learning a lot
about Jews actually.

KLENZENDORF
Really?

JOJO
Did you know they are attracted to
shiny things and they sleep upside
down from the ceiling, like bats?

KLENZENDORF
(nodding, enjoying this)
Ok, bats, yes.


JOJO
And another thing you might be
interested to know is they can read
each others’ minds and their true
language sounds like birds chirping.

KLENZENDORF
And where on earth did you come by
this information?

JOJO
Research. I’m writing a book.

Jojo pulls out his book.

KLENZENDORF
What’s it called?

JOJO
“Yoohoo Jew”.

KLENZENDORF
(stifling laughter)
Pardon?

JOJO
“Yoohoo Jew”. It’s an expose on Jews.

KLENZENDORF
(giggling)
“Yoohoo Jew”, oh my god, I love it!
You could also call it “Jew, Who?”
(new idea)
Ooh! Ooh! What about “Jews News”??

FINKEL
What about Jew... Spoo... Loo

He trails off, not able to make a good joke. Jojo opens his book
and the giggling officers gather to inspect his fantastical
drawings and writings, all carefully penned in the hand of a 10-
year old. The adults try to contain their amusement.

KLENZENDORF
Oh my, look at that. This guy is
riding a giraffe.

JOJO
One of their modes of transport.
(turning a page)
This is a drawing of their anatomy.
Look, this one here shows the inside
of their heads.


KLENZENDORF
Yes, I can see, they’re filled with
sawdust! So informative! You’re
something else kid. Well, it’s all
very interesting stuff Jojo but I’m
afraid right now I have slightly more
important things on my plate. Namely
the impending invasion of our
wonderful Vienna. But boy, you do have
an imagination on you, I love it!

JOJO
But it’s real, not imagina--

KLENZENDORF
Oh, of course it is! When I was your
age I had a “friend” called Kack who
used wet my bed when I was asleep. He
got me in so much trouble.
(beat)
He also shit my pants sometimes.
Naughty Kack.

JOJO
(weakly)
I already have an imaginary friend. I
know the difference.

KLENZENDORF
(not listening)
Hey, you might like to check out my
drawings. I’m re-designing the SS-
Uniforms. A re-vamp if you will.

He holds up a sketch of a man wearing a tasselled uniform, cape,
and large PIRATE HAT.

KLENZENDORF (CONT’D)
It’s based loosely on East Asian
fashions but also has a distinct
pirate skew. Sort of warrior meets
musketeer. Note the feathers down the
arms for aerodynamics. The sparkly
collar is to dazzle the enemy and the
pirate hat is purely decorational.
Same with the high-heel boots.
(suddenly covering the
picture with his hand)
This is all copyrighted by the way.

FINKEL
It’s copyrighted which means you can’t
copy it.


Jojo gives up.

JOJO
Are there any conscriptions today?

KLENZENDORF
No, not right now. But I do have
another job for you. I won’t lie, it’s
a bit of a step-down from delivering
conscriptions but you still get some
good face time with the locals.

FINKEL
Jew. Shoe... Boo.. Hoo.

Finkel sinks his head.
Genres: ["Comedy","Drama"]

Summary In the Reichsjugendamt office, Jojo, humorously dubbed the 'Handgrenade kid,' seeks information about Jews and shares his fantastical beliefs while claiming to write a book titled 'Yoohoo Jew.' Captain Klenzendorf and Officer 1 engage in playful banter, finding Jojo's innocence amusing but ultimately dismiss his serious inquiries about Jews, focusing instead on the impending invasion of Vienna. The scene concludes with Klenzendorf offering Jojo a different job, while Finkel attempts to contribute humor but falls flat.
Strengths
  • Witty dialogue
  • Playful interactions
  • Surreal elements
  • Character development
Weaknesses
  • Minimal conflict
  • Low stakes

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively combines humor, innocence, and surreal elements to create an engaging and entertaining interaction between Jojo and the adult officers. The witty dialogue and imaginative drawings add depth to Jojo's character and provide a comedic relief in the wartime setting.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of blending humor, innocence, and surrealism in a wartime setting is innovative and adds a unique twist to the scene. The interaction between Jojo and the officers, along with the imaginative drawings and witty dialogue, create a memorable and entertaining scene.

Plot: 7.5

While the scene focuses more on character interaction and humor than plot progression, it effectively showcases Jojo's innocence, creativity, and the comedic dynamics between him and the adult officers. The plot serves as a backdrop for the character-driven humor and surreal elements.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh approach to exploring the impact of propaganda on a young boy's perspective, with unique and absurd details that highlight the absurdity of the characters' beliefs.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters, especially Jojo, are well-developed in this scene, with Jojo's innocence, creativity, and humor shining through. The adult officers add to the comedic dynamics, creating an engaging and entertaining interaction that reveals different facets of Jojo's personality.

Character Changes: 6

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, it does showcase different facets of Jojo's personality, highlighting his innocence, creativity, and humor. The interaction with the officers adds depth to Jojo's character, revealing his imaginative nature.

Internal Goal: 8

Jojo's internal goal in this scene is to navigate his conflicting feelings about the propaganda he's been exposed to and his own curiosity and innocence. It reflects his deeper need for acceptance and belonging, as well as his fear of being ostracized for questioning the beliefs around him.

External Goal: 7

Jojo's external goal is to find out if someone would be rewarded for turning in a Jew, which reflects the immediate circumstances of living in a society that encourages betrayal and hatred towards a specific group of people.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 5

The conflict in the scene is minimal, focusing more on the comedic interactions and playful banter between Jojo and the officers. The conflict serves as a backdrop for the humor and character dynamics, adding depth to the scene.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting beliefs and values creating tension and moral dilemmas for Jojo, leaving the audience unsure of how he will navigate the situation.

High Stakes: 4

The stakes in the scene are relatively low, with the focus on humor, innocence, and creativity rather than high-intensity conflict or drama. The light-hearted tone and playful interactions reduce the sense of urgency or tension in the scene.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by providing insight into Jojo's character, his interactions with the adult officers, and his imaginative world. While the focus is more on character dynamics and humor, the scene adds depth to the narrative and sets the tone for future developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it introduces unexpected elements like Jojo's book and the absurd beliefs about Jews, keeping the audience on their toes.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the clash between Jojo's innocence and the indoctrination of Nazi ideology. It challenges Jojo's beliefs, values, and worldview by presenting him with conflicting information about Jews.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6.5

The scene has a moderate emotional impact, primarily driven by the humor, innocence, and surreal elements that engage the audience and evoke amusement. The light-hearted tone and playful interactions contribute to the emotional appeal of the scene.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue in the scene is witty, playful, and humorous, effectively capturing the innocence and imagination of Jojo while showcasing the comedic interactions between him and the adult officers. The dialogue adds depth to the characters and enhances the light-hearted tone of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it presents a mix of humor, tension, and moral conflict that keeps the audience invested in Jojo's journey and the unfolding events.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and humor through the characters' interactions and dialogue, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the unfolding events.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting that enhances readability.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear character introductions, dialogue-driven interactions, and a progression of events that build tension and conflict.


Critique
  • The scene effectively uses humor to address the absurdity of Jojo's misconceptions about Jews, which aligns with the overall tone of the screenplay. However, the humor sometimes feels forced, particularly in the exchanges between Jojo and Klenzendorf. While the absurdity is intentional, it may benefit from a more organic flow to enhance the comedic timing.
  • Klenzendorf's character is portrayed as both a mentor and a figure of authority, but his responses can come off as overly exaggerated. This could detract from the authenticity of the interaction. Balancing his comedic elements with moments of genuine concern or reflection could add depth to his character.
  • Jojo's naivety is well-established, but the fantastical elements he describes about Jews could be more grounded in his perspective as a child. While the absurdity is humorous, it risks alienating the audience if it strays too far from relatable childhood misconceptions. A more nuanced approach could enhance the emotional impact.
  • The dialogue is witty and engaging, but some lines, particularly Klenzendorf's, could be trimmed for brevity. This would maintain the scene's pace and keep the audience engaged without losing the comedic essence.
  • The visual elements, such as Jojo's drawings, are a strong aspect of the scene, but they could be described in more detail to create a vivid picture for the audience. This would help to emphasize Jojo's imagination and the absurdity of his beliefs.
Suggestions
  • Consider refining Klenzendorf's dialogue to balance humor with moments of sincerity, allowing for a more complex character portrayal.
  • Explore Jojo's misconceptions in a way that feels more authentic to a child's perspective, perhaps by incorporating more relatable childhood logic or misunderstandings.
  • Trim some of the longer exchanges to maintain a brisk pace, ensuring that the humor lands effectively without dragging the scene.
  • Enhance the visual descriptions of Jojo's drawings to create a stronger connection between his imagination and the absurdity of the beliefs he holds.
  • Incorporate a moment of reflection or realization for Jojo that hints at his internal conflict regarding the absurdity of his beliefs, adding depth to his character development.



Scene 39 -  Innocence Amidst War
EXT. TOWN - HOUSE - DAY

Jojo knocks at a house. An OLD WOMAN answers.

JOJO
Good morning Frau. Our brave troops
and wonderful Führer need your help. I
am collecting much needed metal for
the war effort which will provide our
troops with... um, bullets and
airplanes. And guns, tanks, ships, U-
boats, bombs. And Iron Crosses.

OLD WOMAN
What?

JOJO
Do you have anything metal?

She stares at him a while.

OLD WOMAN
What?

Jojo wheels his barrow away.


EXT. TOWN - FLORIDSDORFER SPITZ - LATER

Jojo wheels his barrow through town collecting metal. In his
barrow are various items; a piece of RUSTED STEEL, a LEAD PIPE,
a few NUTS & BOLTS.

He notices that some of the Hitler Propaganda Posters he put up
earlier are falling down. He tries to stick one back up but it
immediately falls down again.


VOICE (O.S.)
Jojo?

He turns to see YORKI approaching.

JOJO
Yorki!

The two embrace. Jojo steps back to take in his old friend who
dressed in a soldier’s uniform. But it’s still the same old
Yorki, clumsy and a bit pudgy.

JOJO (CONT’D)
You’re a soldier?

YORKI
At your service!

JOJO
But you’re only 12.

YORKI
I know! They think we’re just as good
as the older lads so they’re
recruiting us early. And look at this
uniform, it’s state of the art!

Jojo feels the uniform. It is made out of CARDBOARD covered in
GREEN MATERIAL.

JOJO
It’s thin. Is that... paper?

YORKI
Hmm, that’s what I thought at first
too. But it’s “paper like”. It’s the
latest material invented by our top
scientists. It keeps you warm in snow
and cool in the desert. It’s also
impervious to shrapnel, bullets and
some bombs. And, because it will never
degrade I can grow into it!

He holds up his arm, the sleeve is way too long.

JOJO
Well, I’m impressed. You finally made
it. Next stop, Hitler’s guard.

YORKI
Exactly! And I’m only 12! So geil!
(beat)
What have you been doing?


Jojo shuffles on the spot.

JOJO
I... caught a Jew. A real one.

YORKI
Wow, good for you! I saw some that
they caught hiding in the forest last
month. Personally I didn’t see what
all the fuss was about. They weren’t
at all scary and seemed kind of
normal. But don’t tell anyone I said
that.

He starts off in the opposite direction.

YORKI (CONT’D)
I have to go show this uniform to my
mama. Take care Jojo, you’re looking
good!

JOJO
Yorki, can I ask a favour?

YORKI
Of course!
Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

Summary In a town during wartime, young Jojo knocks on an old woman's door to collect metal for the war effort, but she is confused by his request. As he wheels his barrow through the streets, he reunites with his friend Yorki, who proudly wears a cardboard soldier's uniform. They discuss Yorki's early recruitment and Jojo's claim of having caught a Jew, with Yorki expressing that Jews seem normal. The scene captures the absurdity and innocence of childhood against the backdrop of war, ending with Yorki leaving to show his uniform to his mother.
Strengths
  • Humorous dialogue
  • Camaraderie between characters
  • Creative concept
Weaknesses
  • Minimal conflict
  • Low stakes

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively blends humor, light-heartedness, and surreal elements in a wartime context, creating an engaging and entertaining atmosphere. The interaction between Jojo and Yorki is charming and adds depth to their characters.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of Jojo collecting metal for the war effort and encountering Yorki in his cardboard uniform is creative and adds a unique twist to the wartime narrative. The scene effectively balances humor and light-heartedness with the serious backdrop of the war.

Plot: 8

The plot progression in the scene revolves around Jojo's metal collection and his reunion with Yorki, showcasing their friendship and the absurdity of wartime situations. The scene moves the story forward by introducing new elements and character dynamics.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh and original take on the World War II setting, exploring the complexities of indoctrination, loyalty, and moral conflict through the eyes of a young protagonist.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters of Jojo and Yorki are well-developed in the scene, with their camaraderie and humor shining through. Jojo's innocence and Yorki's enthusiasm add depth to their personalities, making them relatable and engaging.

Character Changes: 6

While there are no significant character changes in the scene, it does showcase the bond between Jojo and Yorki, highlighting their friendship and camaraderie in a unique setting.

Internal Goal: 8

Jojo's internal goal is to prove himself as a loyal and brave supporter of the Nazi regime, despite his doubts and moral conflicts.

External Goal: 7

Jojo's external goal is to collect metal for the war effort, showcasing his dedication to the cause.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 5

The conflict in the scene is minimal, focusing more on the humor and camaraderie between Jojo and Yorki. The tension is light-hearted and serves to enhance the comedic elements of the scene.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is moderate, with conflicting beliefs, societal pressures, and moral dilemmas challenging the protagonist's actions and decisions.

High Stakes: 4

The stakes in the scene are relatively low, focusing more on the humor and camaraderie between Jojo and Yorki. The light-hearted tone and absurd situations reduce the sense of urgency or danger.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by introducing new elements such as Jojo's metal collection and Yorki's cardboard uniform. It adds depth to the characters and sets the stage for future developments.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected interactions and revelations, adding depth and tension to the narrative.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict is evident in Jojo's internal struggle between his indoctrinated beliefs in Nazism and his growing empathy and doubts about the regime's actions.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The scene has a moderate emotional impact, primarily driven by the camaraderie and friendship between Jojo and Yorki. The humor and light-hearted tone evoke positive emotions and create an engaging atmosphere.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene is witty, humorous, and engaging, capturing the essence of Jojo and Yorki's friendship. The banter between the characters adds a playful and light-hearted tone to the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its blend of humor, tension, and character dynamics, keeping the audience invested in Jojo's journey and moral dilemmas.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension, revealing character dynamics, and advancing the plot, contributing to its overall impact.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene is formatted correctly, with clear scene headings, dialogue, and action descriptions, adhering to the expected format for its genre.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with well-defined character interactions and progression of events, fitting the expected format for its genre.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the absurdity of Jojo's situation and the innocence of his character, juxtaposed against the grim realities of war. The dialogue between Jojo and the old woman highlights the disconnect between the propaganda he has internalized and the confusion of the older generation, which adds depth to the narrative.
  • Jojo's interaction with Yorki is a strong point in the scene, showcasing their friendship and the naive enthusiasm of youth amidst the horrors of war. However, the transition from Jojo's serious claim of having caught a Jew to Yorki's casual dismissal of Jews as 'normal' feels abrupt. This could be an opportunity to explore the contrast between Jojo's indoctrination and Yorki's more innocent perspective.
  • The humor in the scene is well-placed, particularly in Yorki's description of his cardboard uniform. However, the pacing could be improved by tightening some of the dialogue to maintain the comedic rhythm. For instance, some of the explanations about the uniform could be shortened to keep the momentum going.
  • The visual elements, such as the rusted steel and lead pipe in Jojo's barrow, effectively symbolize the remnants of war and the absurdity of his collection efforts. However, the falling propaganda posters could be used more symbolically to reflect the crumbling ideology Jojo is clinging to, perhaps with a more pronounced reaction from him as he struggles to keep them up.
  • The scene ends somewhat abruptly with Jojo asking Yorki for a favor. This could be an opportunity to deepen the emotional stakes or foreshadow future events, perhaps by hinting at Jojo's internal conflict regarding his actions and beliefs.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment of reflection for Jojo after his interaction with the old woman, perhaps showing his confusion or frustration at her lack of understanding, which could deepen his character development.
  • Explore Yorki's perspective further by allowing him to express more of his thoughts on the war and Jews, which could create a more dynamic conversation and highlight the differences in their indoctrination.
  • Tighten the dialogue, especially in Yorki's explanation of his uniform, to maintain a brisk pace and enhance the comedic effect.
  • Use the falling propaganda posters as a visual metaphor for Jojo's crumbling beliefs, perhaps by having him react more strongly to their failure to stay up, indicating his internal struggle.
  • Consider extending the scene to include Jojo's request for a favor, allowing it to serve as a narrative pivot that hints at future developments in the story.



Scene 40 -  Identity and Insecurity
INT. JOJO’S HOUSE - INGA’S BEDROOM - DAY

Jojo lightly taps on Elsa’s wall, opens the door and holds
something out for her.

JOJO
I got you this, it’s nothing, just
stupid pencils. It doesn’t mean
anything. They’re probably broken.

Elsa takes her gift, some sheets of paper rolled around a
collection of pencils, some coloured, tied together with string.

ELSA
Thank you.

JOJO
I doubt they even work.

ELSA
Thank you.

JOJO
Yeah well, maybe you can draw
something. Maybe more pictures for my
book. Or not. I don’t care.


Jojo turns away, quiet.

ELSA
Can I draw you again?

JOJO
Don’t make fun please.

ELSA
I’m not.

JOJO
Find a real face.

ELSA
It is a real face.

JOJO
You’re blind. It’s a bad, ugly face.
No normal person would come near this.

ELSA
The outside is not what’s important.

JOJO
It makes a pretty big difference
actually. The girl from Jungvolk,
Gudrun, she used to like me but now,
no way.

ELSA
What do you care what she thinks?

JOJO
Um, because she’s only the prettiest
girl in the whole town.

ELSA
If she was that special she wouldn’t
even see your face.

JOJO
Well that’s not a problem seeing she
can’t bare to look at me. Look, it’s
fine, I’ll just accept that I’ll be
one of those guys who will never get
to kiss a girl.
(beat)
And I’m not fishing for anything by
the way. I feel quite strongly about
this.

ELSA
You will be kissed, Jojo.


JOJO
By someone’s grandmother, sure.

ELSA
Do you want me to kiss you?

JOJO
Woah. Ok, 2 things. Thing number one:
it’s illegal for Nazis and Jews to
hang out like we do, let alone kiss,
so already it’s out of the question.
And thing number 2: it would just be a
sympathy kiss which doesn’t count.

ELSA
You’re not a Nazi.

JOJO
What are you talking about? Of course
I am.

ELSA
You’re not a Nazi.

JOJO
I’m into Swastikas. In fact, I love
‘em so I think that’s a pretty good
sign right there.

ELSA
You’re not a Nazi, Jojo.

JOJO
Not to be rude but I don’t think you
know anything about Nazis.

ELSA
I don’t think you do either. You’re a
10 year old kid who ‘likes’ Swastikas
and dressing up in a funny uniform.
The rest... is something else. But
you’re not one of them. Not you.

JOJO
(rolling his eyes)
Okayyyy... Let’s just agree to
disagree alright?
(beat, to himself)
Not a Nazi, ha.

He picks at an imaginary thing on the wall. Elsa stares at
herself in the mirror.


ELSA
What a dirty Jew.

Jojo gets an idea.
Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

Summary In Elsa's bedroom, Jojo presents her with a bundle of pencils and paper, downplaying the gift while revealing his insecurities about his looks and romantic prospects. Their conversation shifts from playful to serious as Elsa challenges Jojo's self-image and his identification with Nazi ideology, insisting he is not a Nazi despite his claims. The scene concludes with Jojo contemplating a derogatory remark about Jews, highlighting his internal conflict.
Strengths
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Character development
  • Humor
Weaknesses
  • Low conflict level
  • Limited plot progression

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively balances humor, reflection, and character development, creating a compelling and engaging interaction between Jojo and Elsa. The dialogue is witty and insightful, providing depth to their relationship and individual struggles.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring self-perception, acceptance, and friendship in the midst of war is well-realized in the scene. The playful interaction between Jojo and Elsa adds depth to their characters and sets the stage for further development.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene revolves around Jojo and Elsa's banter, which serves to deepen their characters and relationship. While the scene may not drive the main narrative forward significantly, it adds layers to the emotional and thematic elements of the story.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh approach to the theme of identity and prejudice in Nazi Germany. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds depth to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Jojo and Elsa are well-defined and engaging, with distinct personalities that shine through in their dialogue. Their interactions reveal vulnerabilities, humor, and growth, making them relatable and endearing.

Character Changes: 6

Both Jojo and Elsa experience subtle shifts in their perspectives and self-awareness during the scene, setting the stage for further growth and development in their characters.

Internal Goal: 8

Jojo's internal goal in this scene is to come to terms with his self-image and acceptance of his appearance. His fear of rejection and desire for acceptance are reflected in his interactions with Elsa.

External Goal: 7.5

Jojo's external goal in this scene is to navigate his relationship with Elsa and understand his identity as a Nazi youth. The immediate challenge he faces is the conflict between his beliefs and his friendship with Elsa.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 4

While there is a subtle conflict in Jojo's self-perception and Elsa's encouragement, the scene primarily focuses on their camaraderie and growth, resulting in a low conflict level.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting beliefs and societal norms creating obstacles for the characters. The audience is left uncertain about the outcome of their interactions.

High Stakes: 3

The stakes in the scene are relatively low, focusing more on personal growth and friendship dynamics rather than external conflicts or life-threatening situations.

Story Forward: 6

While the scene does not significantly advance the main plot, it deepens the emotional and thematic layers of the story, providing essential character development and relationship dynamics.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in the characters' interactions and the revelation of conflicting beliefs. The audience is kept on edge by the shifting dynamics between Jojo and Elsa.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the clash between Jojo's indoctrinated beliefs as a Nazi youth and Elsa's perspective as a Jewish girl. This challenges Jojo's worldview and forces him to question his identity.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from laughter to introspection, as Jojo and Elsa navigate their friendship and self-image. The light-hearted tone and poignant moments create a meaningful emotional impact.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue in the scene is witty, insightful, and emotionally resonant, capturing the essence of Jojo and Elsa's relationship. It effectively conveys their inner thoughts, fears, and hopes, adding depth to their characters.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the emotional depth, tension, and conflicting beliefs portrayed through the characters' interactions. The audience is drawn into the internal and external struggles faced by Jojo and Elsa.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotional depth, enhancing the impact of the characters' interactions and conflicts.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene adheres to the expected format for its genre, enhancing the clarity and impact of the dialogue and actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, effectively building tension and emotional depth through the characters' interactions.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the complex relationship between Jojo and Elsa, showcasing their banter and the underlying tension of their circumstances. However, the dialogue can feel somewhat repetitive, particularly in Jojo's assertions about being a Nazi. Streamlining some of these lines could enhance the flow and maintain the audience's engagement.
  • Jojo's insecurity about his appearance is a strong emotional anchor, but the dialogue could delve deeper into his feelings rather than relying on surface-level jokes. This would add more depth to his character and allow the audience to empathize with his struggles.
  • Elsa's responses are insightful and serve to challenge Jojo's beliefs, but the scene could benefit from more physicality or action to break up the dialogue-heavy exchanges. For example, incorporating more visual cues about Elsa's drawing or Jojo's body language could enhance the emotional stakes.
  • The humor present in their exchange is effective, but it sometimes undermines the seriousness of their situation. Balancing the comedic elements with moments of genuine vulnerability could create a more impactful tone, allowing the audience to feel the weight of their predicament.
  • The ending line, 'What a dirty Jew,' feels abrupt and somewhat disjointed from the preceding dialogue. It could be more impactful if it were built up with a stronger context or emotional weight, rather than serving as a punchline to the conversation.
Suggestions
  • Consider tightening the dialogue to reduce repetition and enhance the natural flow of conversation. This could involve cutting some of Jojo's repetitive assertions about being a Nazi and focusing more on his emotional turmoil.
  • Explore Jojo's insecurities in a more profound way by allowing him to express his feelings about his identity and appearance beyond jokes. This could be achieved through introspective dialogue or moments of silence that convey his internal struggle.
  • Introduce more physical action or visual storytelling elements to complement the dialogue. For example, show Elsa actively drawing or Jojo fidgeting with his surroundings to reflect his anxiety, which would add layers to their interaction.
  • Aim for a better balance between humor and the gravity of their situation. Incorporate moments of sincerity and vulnerability, allowing the audience to connect with the characters on a deeper level while still enjoying the comedic aspects.
  • Rework the final line to create a smoother transition. Consider building up to it with more context or emotional resonance, making it a poignant moment rather than a sudden punchline.



Scene 41 -  A Moment of Tension
INT. JOJO’S HOUSE - BATHROOM - LATER

Elsa pours a large pot of hot water into a wash basin. She
wrings a flannel into the bowl and unties her dress, letting it
slip to the floor.

Outside the bathroom, Jojo sits against the wall, listening to
the sound of Elsa bathing. He closes his eyes.


INT. JOJO’S HOUSE - FRAU BETZLER’S ROOM - LATER

Back in his mother’s room Jojo sits on the bed as Elsa puts on
make-up and does her hair.

As he watches Elsa, Jojo shivers a little. He looks down and
puts his hand on his TUMMY, then looks back at Elsa, worried.


INT. JOJO’S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - DAY

Downstairs, Jojo leads Elsa into the living room. She looks
around. They speak in low voices.

ELSA
‘Living room’. Funny name.

JOJO
Stay away from the windows.

ELSA
Yes, Dad.

Jojo reveals a meal of green potatoes. They are barely cooked.

JOJO
It’s all I could get.

She takes one and bites into it. It is crunchy. They laugh.
Suddenly there is a LOUD KNOCKING at the door. The children
freeze.

JOJO (CONT’D)
(whispering)
Mama’s home. You better hide.
Genres: ["Drama","War"]

Summary In Jojo's house, Elsa prepares for a bath while Jojo listens anxiously from outside the bathroom. Their bond deepens as Jojo watches Elsa apply make-up and they share a laugh over a meal of undercooked potatoes. However, their lighthearted moment is abruptly interrupted by a loud knock at the door, prompting Jojo to urgently warn Elsa to hide, leaving the scene filled with suspense.
Strengths
  • Strong character development
  • Effective balance of humor and tension
  • Engaging dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Limited external conflict
  • Some predictable moments

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively balances the serious backdrop of war with moments of humor and camaraderie between Jojo and Elsa, creating a dynamic and engaging atmosphere.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring the relationship between Jojo and Elsa in the midst of wartime is compelling and adds depth to their characters. The scene effectively conveys the complexities of their situation and emotions.

Plot: 8

The plot progression in the scene focuses on the interaction between Jojo and Elsa, deepening their connection and revealing more about their personalities. The introduction of the meal and the unexpected knocking at the door add layers to the narrative.

Originality: 8

The scene demonstrates a fresh approach to the wartime narrative by focusing on the personal relationships and moral dilemmas faced by the characters. The authenticity of the dialogue and actions adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Jojo and Elsa are well-developed in this scene, with their banter and interactions showcasing their individual traits and the evolution of their relationship. Their dynamic personalities shine through, adding depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 7

Both Jojo and Elsa experience subtle shifts in their emotions and perceptions of each other during the scene, deepening their character development and setting the stage for future growth.

Internal Goal: 8

Jojo's internal goal in this scene is to protect Elsa and keep her hidden from his mother. This reflects his deeper need for connection and safety, as well as his fear of losing Elsa or facing consequences for harboring her.

External Goal: 7.5

Jojo's external goal is to keep Elsa hidden from his mother and protect her from potential danger. This reflects the immediate challenge of maintaining their secret and avoiding detection.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

While there is an underlying tension due to the wartime setting, the conflict in this scene is more subtle, focusing on the internal struggles and emotions of the characters rather than external threats.

Opposition: 7.5

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create conflict and suspense, but not overwhelming to the point of overshadowing the characters' development.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes in this scene are more personal and emotional, centered around the characters' relationships and internal struggles rather than immediate external threats. However, the potential consequences of their actions add a layer of tension.

Story Forward: 7

While the scene primarily focuses on character interaction and development, it also moves the story forward by deepening the bond between Jojo and Elsa and setting up potential conflicts and resolutions.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the sudden appearance of Mama and the uncertainty of how Jojo and Elsa will handle the situation.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the clash between loyalty to family and loyalty to Elsa, as Jojo must choose between protecting his mother's beliefs and protecting Elsa, who represents a different worldview.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from anxiety to humor, creating a nuanced emotional impact on the audience. The moments of connection between Jojo and Elsa resonate emotionally.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue between Jojo and Elsa is engaging and reveals insights into their personalities and emotions. The mix of humor and tension in their conversations adds richness to the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the suspenseful atmosphere, emotional depth of the characters, and the high stakes involved in their interactions.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension gradually, allowing for emotional moments to resonate, and maintaining the audience's interest.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with proper scene headings, descriptions, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear transitions between locations and a buildup of tension leading to the climax.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the tension and innocence of Jojo and Elsa's relationship, showcasing their playful banter amidst the backdrop of danger. However, the transition from the bathroom to the living room feels abrupt. A smoother transition could enhance the flow of the scene.
  • Jojo's internal conflict is subtly portrayed through his actions and reactions, particularly when he shivers and places his hand on his tummy. This physical manifestation of anxiety is effective, but it could be further emphasized with more internal dialogue or thoughts to deepen the audience's understanding of his emotional state.
  • The dialogue between Jojo and Elsa is light-hearted and serves to highlight their camaraderie, but it could benefit from more depth. While the humor is present, adding a layer of vulnerability or tension in their conversation could enhance the stakes of their situation.
  • The use of the 'living room' as a setting is clever, as it contrasts the normalcy of a home with the abnormal circumstances they find themselves in. However, the line 'Stay away from the windows' feels slightly clichéd. A more unique expression of Jojo's concern could make this moment stand out more.
  • The introduction of the loud knocking at the door serves as an effective cliffhanger, creating immediate tension. However, it would be beneficial to establish the significance of this moment earlier in the scene, perhaps by foreshadowing the danger they are in or Jojo's heightened sense of fear.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of Jojo's internal thoughts or fears as he listens to Elsa bathing, which could provide insight into his character and the complexity of his feelings towards her.
  • Enhance the dialogue between Jojo and Elsa by incorporating more playful banter that also hints at their underlying fears, creating a balance between humor and tension.
  • Explore the use of sensory details in the scene, such as the sounds of the water or the smell of the potatoes, to create a more immersive experience for the audience.
  • Revise the line 'Stay away from the windows' to something more original that reflects Jojo's personality or their unique situation, which could add depth to the dialogue.
  • Consider extending the moment of tension after the loud knocking, perhaps by showing Jojo's immediate reaction or a brief exchange of worried glances between him and Elsa before they decide to hide.



Scene 42 -  Invasive Inspections
INT. JOJO’S HOUSE - FRONT DOOR - MOMENTS LATER

More KNOCKING.

JOJO
(calling out)
Lost your key, Mama?

Jojo reaches the door and opens it, revealing FOUR MEN in trench-
coats accompanied by Captain Klenzendorf. The others are GESTAPO
AGENTS led by an officious CAPTAIN DEERTZ.

DEERTZ
Heil Hitler. Allow me to introduce
myself. I am Captain Herman Deertz of
the Vienna Gestapo, Floridsdorf
office. This is Herr Mueller, Herr
Junker, and Herr Frosch.
(then)
Heil Hitler.

JOJO
Heil Hitler.
(to Mueller)
Heil Hitler.

MUELLER
Heil Hitler.

JOJO
(to Junker)
Heil Hitler.

JUNKER
Heil Hitler.

JOJO
(to Frosch)
Heil Hitler.

FROSCH
Heil Hitler.

DEERTZ
Now, we--

KLENZENDORF (O.S.)
Sorry I’m late, my bicycle got a flat
tire. I carried it.

They are interrupted by Captain Klenzendorf entering, late,
carrying a bicycle, trailed by Finkel. The other agents look
down on Klenzendorf.


DEERTZ
Ah, Klenzendorf. Heil Hitler.

KLENZENDORF
Heil Hitler.

Finkel joins in and the two men Heil Hitler everyone in the room
all over again. Finally...

JOJO
Heil Hitler...

KLENZENDORF
Yes Johannes, we’ve Heil Hitler’d you
already.
(then)
So, did I miss anything?

DEERTZ
No, we were just Heil Hitlering each
other and were about to ransack the
house.

He nods to the other agents who start snooping around the house,
inspecting drawers, cupboards, shelves. Deertz smiles and moves
into the Living Room. Jojo and Klenzendorf follow. Deertz
examines the plate of potatoes. Sees the nibbled one, then the
TWO SETS OF CUTLERY.

DEERTZ (CONT’D)
So, young Jojo, We hear you have been
helping out at the Hitlerjugend
office.

JOJO
Yes.

DEERTZ
Good for you. I wish more of our
citizens had your commitment.

KLENZENDORF
Johannes is a fantastic volunteer.
He’s very imaginative.

Deertz moves to the book-case, looks at the literature. The
other two officers make notes and start trudging up the stairs.
Deertz leads Jojo and Klenzendorf down the hall. They stop at
Jojo’s room. Deertz peeks inside.

DEERTZ
Your room?
(entering)
Nice drawings! Wow, look at this.


He points at a drawing of David killing Goliath.

DEERTZ (CONT’D)
This kid is killing a giant. You see
this Klenzendorf?

KLENZENDORF
Yes, these are well executed. Did you
know I also draw? I have better
perspective and shading too.

Ignoring him, Deertz wanders on.

DEERTZ
(to Jojo)
I see someone vandalised your house.
The front door.

JOJO
Children.

DEERTZ
(smiling)
Children?! The brats! What is this
world coming to? What did it say? It
has almost been washed away.

JOJO
I don’t know. A number.

DEERTZ
A number? You know what it means?

JOJO
No.

DEERTZ
Oh, that’s a shame.

There is a loud bang upstairs, something being overturned. Jojo
and the Officer look up.

DEERTZ (CONT’D)
(smiling)
What on earth are those oafs up to?
Why don’t we go upstairs and see. Yes?

He puts an arm around Jojo and they head upstairs.
Genres: ["Drama","Comedy","War"]

Summary Jojo opens the door to four Gestapo agents, led by Captain Deertz, who begin inspecting his home for evidence of wrongdoing. Deertz admires Jojo's involvement with the Hitlerjugend and his drawings, while Klenzendorf tries to assert his importance. The tension escalates when Deertz notices a vandalized door and hears a loud noise from upstairs, prompting him to suggest further investigation, leaving Jojo anxious about what they might discover.
Strengths
  • Sharp dialogue
  • Effective blend of humor and suspense
  • Engaging character interactions
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development in this specific scene
  • Potential for more emotional depth in certain moments

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively blends humor, suspense, and character interactions to create an engaging and entertaining sequence. The dialogue is sharp, the pacing is well-executed, and the mix of tones keeps the audience intrigued.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of unexpected visitors from the Gestapo adds a layer of suspense and intrigue to the scene. It introduces a new conflict and raises the stakes for the characters, driving the narrative forward.

Plot: 8.5

The plot is advanced significantly in this scene through the introduction of the Gestapo agents and their search of Jojo's house. It sets up future conflicts and establishes the dangerous environment in which the characters exist.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh perspective on the World War II setting by combining dark humor with serious themes, creating a unique and engaging narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-developed in this scene, with Jojo displaying a mix of curiosity, anxiety, and wit in his interactions with the Gestapo agents. The agents themselves are portrayed as both menacing and comical, adding depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 7

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, Jojo's interactions with the Gestapo agents and the unfolding events hint at potential shifts in his perspective and behavior in future scenes.

Internal Goal: 8

Jojo's internal goal is to navigate the dangerous situation with the Gestapo agents while maintaining his loyalty to the Hitlerjugend office and his commitment to the Nazi cause.

External Goal: 7

Jojo's external goal is to prevent the Gestapo agents from discovering any incriminating evidence in his house that could endanger his family or himself.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict in the scene is primarily driven by the arrival of the Gestapo agents and their search of Jojo's house. The tension between the characters and the uncertainty of the situation create a sense of unease and suspense.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the Gestapo agents posing a significant threat to Jojo and his family, creating a sense of danger and urgency.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in this scene as the Gestapo agents search Jojo's house, putting him and his family at risk. The potential consequences of their presence add tension and urgency to the situation.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by introducing new conflicts, raising the stakes for the characters, and setting up future plot developments. It establishes a sense of danger and uncertainty that will impact the narrative.

Unpredictability: 7

The scene is unpredictable due to the shifting power dynamics between the characters and the unexpected twists in their interactions.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between Jojo's indoctrinated beliefs in Nazi ideology and the oppressive reality of the Gestapo's presence in his home. This challenges Jojo's worldview and forces him to confront the consequences of his actions.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7.5

The scene elicits a range of emotions, from humor to anxiety, keeping the audience emotionally engaged. The interactions between the characters and the high stakes of the situation add depth to the scene.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is a standout element of the scene, blending humor, tension, and character dynamics effectively. The witty exchanges between Jojo, Klenzendorf, and the Gestapo agents keep the audience engaged and entertained.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its blend of suspense, humor, and character dynamics, keeping the audience invested in the unfolding events.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, leading to a climactic moment of discovery and confrontation.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene adheres to the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings, dialogue formatting, and action descriptions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a well-paced structure that builds tension and conflict effectively, leading to a climactic moment of discovery.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes tension through the unexpected arrival of the Gestapo agents, creating a sense of urgency and danger. However, the humor interspersed with the serious subject matter may dilute the gravity of the situation. The repeated 'Heil Hitler' exchanges serve to highlight the absurdity of the characters' adherence to Nazi ideology, but they could be streamlined to maintain pacing and focus on the escalating tension.
  • Jojo's interactions with the Gestapo agents, particularly his innocent responses, effectively showcase his naivety and the contrast between his childlike demeanor and the grim reality of the Gestapo's presence. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext; for instance, Jojo's fear and confusion could be more pronounced in his responses to the agents, adding depth to his character in this tense moment.
  • Captain Klenzendorf's late entrance with the bicycle adds a comedic touch, but it risks undermining the tension built by the Gestapo's arrival. While humor is a key element of the screenplay, balancing it with the seriousness of the Gestapo's investigation is crucial to maintain the scene's stakes.
  • The physical actions of the Gestapo agents snooping around the house are effective in creating a sense of invasion and threat. However, the scene could benefit from more sensory details to enhance the atmosphere—sounds, smells, and visual cues that reflect Jojo's internal state as he navigates this precarious situation.
  • The scene ends on a cliffhanger with the loud bang from upstairs, which is effective in maintaining suspense. However, it would be beneficial to have Jojo's internal reaction to this noise more explicitly stated, as it would deepen the audience's connection to his fear and anxiety.
Suggestions
  • Consider reducing the number of 'Heil Hitler' exchanges to streamline the dialogue and maintain focus on the escalating tension of the scene.
  • Add more internal monologue or physical reactions from Jojo to convey his fear and confusion more vividly, enhancing the emotional stakes of the scene.
  • Evaluate the balance between humor and tension; perhaps Klenzendorf's entrance could be toned down to maintain the seriousness of the Gestapo's investigation.
  • Incorporate more sensory details to enrich the atmosphere, such as the sounds of the agents moving through the house or Jojo's heartbeat, to heighten the tension.
  • Clarify Jojo's internal reaction to the loud bang from upstairs to deepen the audience's understanding of his emotional state and the stakes of the situation.



Scene 43 -  A Dangerous Deception
INT. JOJO’S HOUSE - UPSTAIRS HALL - CONTINUOUS

They stop at Jojo’s mother’s room. The officers are looking
through her dresser and wardrobe, under the mattress.


DEERTZ
Do you know where your mother is?

JOJO
No. I think she’s in town.

Klenzendorf exhales heavily, clearly uncomfortable.

DEERTZ
Is she? Hm.
(then)
Well it’s good to see you are still
wearing your Jugend uniform.
(beat)
But... where is your DJ knife?

Jojo looks down to his little sheath, it is still empty. From
behind them.

ELSA (O.S.)
It’s here.

They turn to see Elsa standing at the door to Inga’s room. She
holds the knife in her hand and wears a dress and shirt of
Inga’s. She looks beautiful and... quite German. Jojo is wide-
eyed, panicked.

DEERTZ
And who might you be?

ELSA
Who might YOU be? And what are you
doing in my house?

DEERTZ
You live here too?

JOJO
This... is...

ELSA
(mocking Jojo)
Thisss... isssss...
(to Deertz)
Speak properly idiot. You’ll have to
excuse my heavily retarded brother,
I’m Inga Betzler.

There is an awkward pause. Klenzendorf COUGHS. Jojo tries to
stall.

JOJO
Heil Hitler.


ELSA
Heil. Hitler.

DEERTZ
Heil Hitler.

The others agents join in and we go through another long round
of Heil Hitler salutes, this time with Elsa.

DEERTZ (CONT’D)
I didn’t know you had a sister,
Johannes.

ELSA
Well sometimes he’d prefer I was dead.
Wouldn’t you, little Frankenstein?

DEERTZ
Now, now, no need to attack his
physicality. It’s a war wound.

ELSA
I’ll speak to him how I like. Besides,
it isn’t a war wound, he was born like
that.

DEERTZ
And why do you have his knife?

ELSA
I’m guarding my room because he
refuses to stay out of it.

DEERTZ
What do you have hidden in there?

ELSA
(smiling)
Oh you know, girl’s stuff.

Deertz goes to enter Inga’s room.

DEERTZ
May I?

ELSA
Naturally.

He wanders in, inspecting the room. He walks past Elsa’s secret
door where the painting that covers it hangs crooked.
Klenzendorf enters and walks past Jojo, eyeing him.


DEERTZ
You see we deal with an overwhelming
number of reports, denunciations, and
general investigations which means we
are severely understaffed and
overworked.

He opens the curtains and looks out the window. We hear a
scraping sound and reveal that Klenzendorf is straightening the
painting. He then stands in front of the wall opening,
concealing it.

DEERTZ (CONT’D)
Now, of course we are indeed
interested in problems of crime and
anti-party sentiment, but we still
have one greater concern; that of the
Goldilocksies, running around out
there taking advantage of other people
in this city. Sneaking around, taking
things, eating people’s food, wearing
their clothes... It’s simply rude.
(beat, to Elsa)
I don’t suppose we could see your
papers could I?

Elsa freezes.

DEERTZ (CONT’D)
Hmm?

KLENZENDORF
Papers! Quick, we don’t have all day.

He holds out his hand.

ELSA
Yes, of course.

Elsa goes to a drawer in Inga’s dresser and pulls out INGA’S
PAPERS. Her hand is beginning to shake, Klenzendorf takes the
papers from her and looks at them, now and then flicking a look
to Elsa.

POV of the papers shows Inga when she was sick, GAUNT and PALE;
the two girls share a vague resemblance. The DATE OF BIRTH
reads: May 7, 1929.

KLENZENDORF
How old are you in this photo?

ELSA
They’re 3 years old, I was 12.


KLENZENDORF
Date of birth?

A tense moment as Elsa pauses. A pin dropping would be quite
audible right now...

ELSA
May 1, 1929.

Another long pause. Elsa wipes her sweaty hand on her dress.

KLENZENDORF
Correct.
(beat)
Thank you Inga. Get a new photo.

Klenzendorf hands the papers back while the other agents arrive
from Frau Betzler’s room. They hand Deertz some envelopes and
photos and papers.

DEERTZ
Good good. Well, we’ll be borrowing
some of these little things if you
don’t mind. Nice meeting you.

ELSA
Heil Hitler.

More Heil Hitlers. Jojo just stands there, watching.
Genres: ["Drama","Comedy","War"]

Summary In Jojo's house, officers Deertz and Klenzendorf interrogate Jojo about his mother's whereabouts while searching her room. Jojo nervously deflects their questions, and Elsa, disguised as Jojo's sister Inga, enters holding Jojo's missing knife. She cleverly maintains her cover, engaging in awkward 'Heil Hitler' salutes with the officers. As Deertz inspects the room and requests Elsa's papers, she provides them, revealing a connection to Inga. The officers leave with documents and photos, unaware of Elsa's true identity, leaving Jojo and Elsa in a precarious situation.
Strengths
  • Sharp dialogue
  • Tension and humor balance
  • Strong character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Some moments of awkward pacing
  • Limited emotional depth in certain interactions

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively combines tension, humor, and character dynamics to create an engaging and memorable interaction. The dialogue is sharp, and the tone shifts keep the audience on edge.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of an unexpected encounter between Jojo, Elsa, and the Gestapo agents in Jojo's house is intriguing and adds depth to the characters and the overall story. The scene explores themes of deception, identity, and defiance.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene revolves around the Gestapo agents' unexpected visit to Jojo's house, leading to a tense and humorous interaction with Elsa. The plot progression is driven by the characters' actions and dialogue.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh perspective on the World War II setting, exploring themes of identity, loyalty, and morality. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters in the scene, particularly Jojo, Elsa, and the Gestapo agents, are well-developed and showcase distinct personalities. Elsa's quick wit and defiance stand out, adding depth to the interaction.

Character Changes: 7

While there are subtle shifts in the characters' dynamics, particularly between Jojo and Elsa, the scene focuses more on their interactions with the Gestapo agents. Elsa's defiance and quick thinking showcase her strength and resilience.

Internal Goal: 8

Jojo's internal goal is to protect Elsa and keep her identity hidden from the officers. This reflects his deeper need for acceptance and understanding, as well as his fear of losing Elsa or facing consequences for harboring her.

External Goal: 7.5

Jojo's external goal is to prevent the officers from discovering Elsa's true identity and potentially harming her. This reflects the immediate challenge of maintaining their secret and avoiding suspicion.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The scene has a moderate level of conflict, primarily driven by the tension between Jojo, Elsa, and the Gestapo agents. The conflicting agendas and motivations of the characters create a sense of unease and suspense.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the officers posing a threat to Jojo and Elsa's safety. The uncertainty of their intentions adds to the tension and conflict.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are moderately high in the scene, as Jojo and Elsa navigate the threat of exposure and danger from the Gestapo agents. The tension and uncertainty add to the sense of risk and urgency.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing new conflicts and challenges for the characters, particularly Jojo and Elsa. The unexpected visit from the Gestapo agents adds complexity to the narrative.

Unpredictability: 8.5

This scene is unpredictable due to the shifting power dynamics and unexpected revelations. The characters' actions and decisions keep the audience on edge.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between the Nazi ideology represented by the officers and the humanity and compassion shown by Jojo and Elsa. This challenges Jojo's beliefs and values as he navigates the situation.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene elicits a range of emotions, from anxiety to humor, keeping the audience engaged. The tension and awkwardness of the encounter add depth to the characters and their relationships.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue in the scene is sharp, witty, and engaging, capturing the tension and humor of the situation. The exchanges between the characters reveal their personalities and motivations effectively.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its mix of suspense, humor, and emotional depth. The interactions between characters and the unfolding mystery of Elsa's identity keep the audience invested.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and suspense. The rhythm of the dialogue and character movements enhances the scene's impact.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows standard formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions. The dialogue is formatted correctly and enhances the pacing.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with well-paced dialogue and character interactions. It effectively builds tension and conflict.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension through the presence of the Gestapo agents and the precarious situation Jojo and Elsa find themselves in. The stakes are high, and the dialogue cleverly balances humor with the underlying threat of discovery, which keeps the audience engaged.
  • Elsa's entrance and her quick thinking to pose as Jojo's sister is a strong moment that showcases her resourcefulness and bravery. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtlety in some areas; for instance, the mocking tone could be toned down slightly to maintain the tension without losing the humor.
  • The repetitive 'Heil Hitler' salutes serve to highlight the absurdity of the situation, but they could be streamlined to avoid feeling overly drawn out. This would help maintain the pacing and keep the audience's focus on the escalating tension rather than the ritualistic nature of the salutes.
  • Klenzendorf's character is portrayed as somewhat bumbling, which adds to the absurdity, but it might be beneficial to give him a moment of genuine authority or insight to balance the humor. This would make him a more complex character and raise the stakes for Jojo and Elsa.
  • The physical actions, such as Klenzendorf straightening the painting, are effective in visually conveying the tension and the stakes of the hidden room. However, more emphasis on Jojo's internal conflict during these moments could enhance the emotional weight of the scene, allowing the audience to connect more deeply with his fear and desperation.
Suggestions
  • Consider tightening the dialogue during the 'Heil Hitler' exchanges to maintain the scene's momentum. Perhaps limit the number of repetitions or find a way to convey the absurdity without dragging it out.
  • Explore Jojo's internal thoughts more explicitly during the scene. Adding brief internal monologues or reactions could deepen the audience's understanding of his fear and conflict as he navigates this dangerous situation.
  • Introduce a moment where Klenzendorf shows a hint of suspicion or insight into Jojo's true feelings about the war or Elsa's presence. This could add depth to his character and raise the stakes for Jojo and Elsa.
  • Enhance the visual storytelling by incorporating more physical reactions from Jojo, such as fidgeting or glancing nervously at Elsa, to emphasize his anxiety and the tension of the moment.
  • Consider adding a moment of connection between Jojo and Elsa, even amidst the tension, to highlight their bond and the stakes of their situation. This could be a shared glance or a subtle gesture that reinforces their alliance against the threat.



Scene 44 -  Divided by Fear
INT. JOJO’S HOUSE - FRONT DOOR - MOMENTS LATER

The men are almost out the front door.

DEERTZ
As usual, call us if you notice
anything suspicious.

The officers leave. Klenzendorf stares at Jojo then smiles.

KLENZENDORF
Listen Johannes, we are scaling down
our operations at the Jugend office so
there’s not really any work for you
right now. Your services are no longer
required.

Jojo nods.

KLENZENDORF (CONT’D)
Take care Jojo. Stay home. Look after
yourself.


He gives a concerned, yet endearing smile, then leaves.


INT. JOJO’S HOUSE - ELSA’S HIDEOUT - MOMENTS LATER

Elsa sits huddled in the corner, clutching Inga’s papers. Jojo
approaches.

JOJO
Elsa, you fooled them. Elsa?

ELSA
May 7.

JOJO
What?

ELSA
She was born May 7, not the first.

Jojo takes the papers and reads.

ELSA (CONT’D)
They’ll be back. They’ll find out
she’s dead. Then I’ll be dead. I have
to leave here. I have to get out.

JOJO
No. He’s helping us. Either way no one
will know. I’ve seen the Records Room,
it’s a complete mess. They won’t
bother.

ELSA
They always bother.

JOJO
They won’t. Nobody really knows she
died. You can be her Elsa. It’s okay,
I’ll tell mama I know about you and
that we’re friends...

Elsa retreats away from Jojo.

ELSA
Jew and Nazi are not friends.

This hits Jojo, he steps back. Elsa buries her head into her
hands and begin to cry. Jojo waits a moment and then moves
downstairs.
Genres: ["Drama","War"]

Summary In a tense scene, Officer Deertz reminds Jojo to report any suspicious activity before leaving. Klenzendorf informs Jojo that his services are no longer needed, expressing concern for his well-being. Jojo then finds Elsa, who is distressed and hiding, clutching papers revealing a child's true birth date. Despite Jojo's attempts to comfort her, Elsa rejects his friendship, emphasizing the divide between them as a Jew and a Nazi. The scene concludes with Elsa crying and Jojo stepping back, highlighting their emotional distance and the weight of their circumstances.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Tension-building
Weaknesses
  • Limited external action
  • Reliance on dialogue for conflict

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys the emotional depth and tension between Elsa and Jojo, providing a poignant moment of realization and vulnerability. The dialogue and character interactions are compelling, drawing the audience into the characters' inner struggles.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of conflicting ideologies and personal connections in a wartime setting is effectively explored in the scene. It delves into the complexities of human relationships and moral choices, adding depth to the narrative.

Plot: 8

The scene contributes to the overall plot by revealing crucial information about the characters and their motivations. It adds layers to the story and sets the stage for further developments in the narrative.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh perspective on the complexities of friendship and loyalty in a wartime setting, with authentic character actions and dialogue that resonate with the audience. The writer's approach to the themes of prejudice and empathy adds depth and nuance to the narrative, making it stand out in its genre.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Elsa and Jojo are well-developed and portrayed with depth and nuance. Their emotional journey and internal conflicts are effectively conveyed, making them compelling and relatable to the audience.

Character Changes: 8

Both Elsa and Jojo undergo significant emotional shifts in the scene, leading to a deeper understanding of themselves and each other. Their perspectives and relationships evolve, setting the stage for further character development.

Internal Goal: 9

The protagonist's internal goal is to protect Elsa and maintain their friendship despite the societal pressures and risks involved. This reflects Jojo's deeper need for connection, empathy, and understanding in a world filled with hate and prejudice.

External Goal: 8

The protagonist's external goal is to keep Elsa safe and hidden from the authorities, avoiding detection and potential harm. This reflects the immediate circumstances of their situation and the challenges they face in a dangerous environment.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The scene contains internal and external conflicts, primarily revolving around the characters' moral dilemmas and the threat of discovery. The tension is palpable, adding depth to the emotional stakes.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the characters facing internal and external obstacles that challenge their beliefs, values, and relationships. The audience is kept guessing about the characters' fates and the outcome of their choices, adding suspense and complexity to the narrative.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are high in the scene as Elsa faces the threat of discovery and potential danger, while Jojo grapples with moral dilemmas and conflicting loyalties. The characters' choices have significant consequences, adding tension to the narrative.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by revealing crucial information about the characters and their motivations. It sets the stage for future conflicts and developments, advancing the narrative in a meaningful way.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting dynamics between the characters, the uncertain outcome of their actions, and the moral ambiguity of their choices. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how the situation will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the clash between the protagonist's belief in friendship and empathy, and the societal values of hatred and division. Jojo struggles to reconcile his personal connection with Elsa against the larger ideological conflict of the war.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes a strong emotional response from the audience, eliciting feelings of sadness, anxiety, and empathy towards the characters. The poignant moments of realization and vulnerability resonate deeply.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene is poignant and impactful, capturing the emotional turmoil of the characters. It effectively conveys the tension and vulnerability of the moment, adding depth to the character interactions.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its emotional depth, complex character dynamics, and high stakes. The audience is drawn into the characters' struggles and conflicts, rooting for their survival and understanding the moral dilemmas they face.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by balancing moments of tension and emotion with quieter, introspective beats. The rhythm of the dialogue and character interactions keeps the audience engaged and invested in the story's unfolding drama.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene adheres to the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings, dialogue formatting, and narrative descriptions that enhance the visual and emotional impact of the story. The technical writing proficiency contributes to the overall effectiveness of the scene.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with a clear progression of events and character interactions that build tension and emotional depth. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness, maintaining the audience's engagement and investment in the story.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the tension and emotional weight of Jojo and Elsa's situation, particularly through their dialogue and interactions. The contrast between Jojo's innocence and Elsa's fear creates a poignant moment that highlights the absurdity and horror of their circumstances.
  • Klenzendorf's character provides a brief moment of levity and warmth, which serves to humanize him amidst the oppressive atmosphere. However, his exit feels somewhat abrupt, and it might benefit from a more extended farewell or a deeper exploration of his feelings towards Jojo and the situation.
  • Elsa's emotional breakdown is powerful, but the transition from Jojo's hopeful reassurances to her despair could be more gradual. This would enhance the emotional impact and allow the audience to feel the weight of her fear more acutely.
  • The dialogue is generally strong, but some lines could be tightened for clarity and impact. For example, Elsa's line about needing to leave could be more direct to emphasize her urgency and fear.
  • The visual elements of the scene are effective, particularly the imagery of Elsa huddled in the corner, which conveys her vulnerability. However, incorporating more sensory details could enhance the atmosphere, such as the sounds of the house or the tension in the air.
Suggestions
  • Consider expanding Klenzendorf's farewell to Jojo, perhaps by including a line that reflects his concern for Jojo's safety or a hint of his own internal conflict about the regime.
  • Enhance the emotional transition between Jojo's optimism and Elsa's despair by adding a moment of silence or a physical gesture that signifies Jojo's realization of the gravity of their situation.
  • Revise some of the dialogue for brevity and impact, ensuring that each line carries weight and contributes to the overall tension of the scene.
  • Incorporate more sensory details to create a richer atmosphere, such as the sounds of the outside world or the oppressive silence within the house, to heighten the tension.
  • Explore the theme of friendship and division more deeply by having Jojo express his confusion about their identities and the societal labels placed upon them, which could lead to a more nuanced conversation.



Scene 45 -  Invisible Soup and Confused Priorities
INT. JOJO’S HOUSE - KITCHEN - MOMENTS LATER

Adolf Hitler wears oven gloves and stirs a pot that is heating
on the stove, with a ladle. He smells the broth.

ADOLF
Mmm, lecker soup.

JOJO
It’s just hot water, you don’t need to
stir it.

ADOLF
Fine.

He puts the ladle down, crosses his arms.

ADOLF (CONT’D)
So that was pretty much a bust. I
can’t believe they fell for her
disguise. Mind explaining that?

JOJO
I don’t want to talk about it.

ADOLF
Well I’m not a mind reader Jojo.
(beat)
Actually I am, it’s one of my
abilities. But I still can’t work out
what’s going on here.

JOJO
Nothing. I just, I’m confused and
tired.

ADOLF
(immature)
Ewwwwwww, tired. Widdle Jojo’s tired,
and a widdle bit confused. Ewww, poor
Jojo, and he’s a widdle bit hungwy and
the only thing he can cook is this
invisible soup. Ooh, can I get you
some invisible soup Jojo?

He mime pours some soup into a bowl and mimes eating it.

ADOLF (CONT’D)
Ewwww, I’m eating invisible soup
because there’s no more food. I’ll eat
anything, even ants. Ewwww, and now
I’m a robot anteater.
(in a robot voice)
(MORE)

ADOLF (CONT’D)
Ooh, where’s all the ants? I only eat
ants. Must eat ants.

He stops his performance, suddenly serious. He’s made his point,
whatever that is. Jojo stares at him, baffled.

ADOLF (CONT’D)
Okay? To clarify: Get your shit
together and sort out your priorities.
You’re ten, Jojo. Start acting like
it.

He walks out, dramatically knocking over a cup.
Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

Summary In Jojo's kitchen, a comically portrayed Adolf Hitler stirs an empty pot, mistaking it for soup, while Jojo expresses frustration over a failed disguise plan. Adolf mocks Jojo's confusion and tiredness, delivering a humorous routine about invisible soup and ants, before imparting a serious message about maturity. The scene blends humor with a deeper theme of prioritizing one's life, ending with Adolf's dramatic exit, leaving Jojo bewildered.
Strengths
  • Humorous dialogue
  • Character dynamics
  • Unique setting
Weaknesses
  • Limited plot progression
  • Minimal external conflict

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively blends humor and seriousness, providing insight into Jojo's internal struggles and the surreal nature of his interactions with Hitler.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of having Adolf Hitler engage in a humorous and surreal conversation with Jojo in a kitchen setting is innovative and adds depth to the character dynamics.

Plot: 7.5

While the plot progression is minimal in this scene, the interaction between Jojo and Hitler provides insight into Jojo's internal struggles and adds complexity to the story.

Originality: 9

The scene is original in its portrayal of Adolf Hitler in a domestic setting, using humor to address serious themes. The dialogue feels authentic to the characters and their dynamics, adding a fresh perspective to familiar historical figures.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Jojo and Adolf Hitler are well-developed in this scene, with their unique personalities and dynamics driving the conversation and adding depth to the story.

Character Changes: 7

Jojo experiences a shift in perspective and understanding through his conversation with Hitler, leading to potential character growth.

Internal Goal: 8

Jojo's internal goal in this scene is to deal with his confusion and tiredness. This reflects his deeper need for understanding and stability in his life.

External Goal: 7

Jojo's external goal in this scene is to confront Adolf about a failed plan. This reflects the immediate challenge of dealing with the consequences of the failed plan.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, focusing on Jojo's confusion and anxiety, as well as his interactions with Hitler.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Adolf challenging Jojo's beliefs and priorities, creating tension and conflict.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes in the scene are primarily emotional, focusing on Jojo's internal conflicts and relationships.

Story Forward: 7

While the scene does not significantly move the plot forward, it provides important character development and insight into Jojo's internal struggles.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of Adolf's unexpected behavior and the shifting tone between humor and seriousness.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between Adolf's authoritative and mocking attitude towards Jojo's confusion and tiredness, and Jojo's need for understanding and support. This challenges Jojo's beliefs about himself and his relationship with Adolf.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7.5

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from humor to tension, adding depth to the characters and their relationships.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene is witty, humorous, and engaging, capturing the essence of the characters and their relationship.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the dynamic interaction between Jojo and Adolf, the humor interspersed with serious moments, and the unexpected behavior of Adolf.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by balancing humor with serious moments, creating a dynamic rhythm that keeps the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear character interactions and a progression of tension and resolution.


Critique
  • The scene effectively uses humor to juxtapose the gravity of Jojo's situation with the absurdity of having Adolf Hitler as a comedic imaginary friend. This contrast can provide a moment of levity, but it risks undermining the emotional weight of the previous scene where Elsa expresses her despair. The transition from a tense emotional moment to a comedic one may feel jarring for the audience.
  • Adolf's character is portrayed in a humorous, childlike manner, which can be effective in showcasing Jojo's internal conflict. However, the dialogue could benefit from a clearer connection to Jojo's emotional state. While Adolf's antics are entertaining, they should also reflect Jojo's confusion and turmoil more directly, reinforcing the stakes of the situation.
  • The dialogue is witty and captures the absurdity of the situation, but it may come off as too playful given the context of the previous scene. The humor should serve to enhance Jojo's character development rather than distract from the serious themes of the story. Balancing humor with the gravity of the situation is crucial.
  • The visual elements, such as Adolf wearing oven gloves and stirring a pot, are amusing and create a vivid image. However, the scene could benefit from more physicality or visual gags that tie back to Jojo's emotional state, perhaps showing him engaging in a more active way to cope with his feelings, rather than just standing there confused.
  • The ending, where Adolf dramatically knocks over a cup, feels abrupt and lacks a strong emotional resolution. It would be more impactful if Jojo had a moment of reflection or realization after Adolf leaves, allowing the audience to see how he processes the absurdity of his situation and the weight of his responsibilities.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of reflection for Jojo after Adolf leaves, allowing him to process the absurdity of the situation and the emotional turmoil he is experiencing. This could deepen the audience's connection to his character.
  • Integrate more physical actions from Jojo that reflect his emotional state, such as pacing or fidgeting, to visually convey his confusion and frustration. This would enhance the scene's emotional depth.
  • Balance the humor with the seriousness of the previous scene by having Adolf's comedic antics gradually shift to a more serious tone, reflecting Jojo's internal struggle. This could involve Adolf making a poignant comment that resonates with Jojo's feelings.
  • Explore the possibility of Jojo responding to Adolf's antics with a mix of humor and frustration, showcasing his struggle to reconcile the absurdity of his imaginary friend with the harsh realities he faces.
  • Consider revising the dialogue to include more direct references to Jojo's emotional state, allowing Adolf's comments to serve as a mirror for Jojo's confusion and fatigue, rather than just a comedic routine.



Scene 46 -  Innocence Shattered
EXT. TOWN - FOOD STORE - MORNING

Jojo is at the FOOD STORE. He hands over ONE RATION CARD. In
return they give him a tiny piece of bread and a small piece of
butter. He puts them in his pocket and leaves.


EXT. TOWN SQUARE - FLORIDSDORFER SPITZ - AFTERNOON

Jojo wheels his barrow down an alley which opens up into
Floridsdorfer Spitz, a town square. He rests a moment and sees a
BUTTERFLY moving past him along a row of flowers.

Jojo smiles at this, takes interest and follows the butterfly,
limping behind as it flutters along the flower bed. He moves
further away from his barrow and into the park proper, moving
around a few trees. He crouches and admires the butterfly which
has now come to a stop upon another flower. Not yet looking up
Jojo notices the light on the ground is disturbed by shadows
moving back and forth. He looks up and sees he is standing near
the site of the PUBLIC HANGING. TEN or so bodies hang from the
gallows.

A sign nailed to a nearby tree reveals these people have been
executed for treason, crimes against the Reich and involvement
with a Resistance movement. Painted in white across the bodies’
chests we see:

O 5

The bodies sway in the wind in a kind of floating waltz. Jojo
tilts his head back and forth in rhythm and shuffles along the
row of bodies. Most are men, a couple of girls. Then as he nears
the row he sees one body in a dirty dress, a woman drifting in
the breeze, twisting on the rope until she turns towards us,
fully revealing her face... his MOTHER, FRAU BETZLER.


Jojo steps back, falls to the ground, eyes wide open, staring
back at her. He begins to cry, suddenly losing his brave
exterior and becoming the 10 year old child he is.

Jojo gets to his feet, goes to his mother and tries to reach her
hand. It is too high. He looks down her body and notices her
shoelace is untied. He tries to re-tie it but fumbles. He gives
up and rests his head against her leg.
Genres: ["Drama","War"]

Summary Jojo exchanges a ration card for bread and butter at a food store before being captivated by a butterfly in the town square. Following it into a park, he stumbles upon a public hanging site and discovers the bodies of executed individuals, including his mother, Frau Betzler. Overcome with grief, Jojo reaches for her hand, attempts to tie her shoelace, and ultimately rests his head against her leg, symbolizing his deep sorrow and loss.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Symbolism
  • Character development
Weaknesses
  • Minimal dialogue
  • Potentially triggering content

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys the emotional weight of war and loss through the contrast between the beauty of the butterfly and the brutality of the public hanging. It sets a somber tone and deepens the audience's connection to Jojo's character.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of juxtaposing innocence with brutality in the midst of war is compelling and effectively highlights the themes of loss and the harsh realities of conflict.

Plot: 8

The plot progression in this scene is crucial as it reveals a significant turning point for Jojo's character, deepening his emotional arc and setting up future conflicts and resolutions.

Originality: 9

The scene is original in its portrayal of a child's grief and loss in a dystopian setting, blending innocence and brutality in a poignant and evocative way. The authenticity of Jojo's actions and emotions adds a fresh perspective to familiar themes of war and tragedy.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters, especially Jojo, are well-developed in this scene, showcasing his vulnerability and emotional depth. The interaction with his mother's body adds layers to his personality.

Character Changes: 8

Jojo undergoes a significant emotional transformation in this scene, transitioning from innocence to profound loss. The discovery of his mother's body marks a pivotal moment in his character development.

Internal Goal: 9

Jojo's internal goal in this scene is to come to terms with the loss of his mother and confront his emotions of grief and vulnerability. It reflects his deeper need for connection and understanding in the face of tragedy.

External Goal: 8

Jojo's external goal is to try to reach his mother's hand and re-tie her shoelace, symbolizing his desire to hold onto a sense of normalcy and care for his mother even in death.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict in this scene is more internal, focusing on Jojo's emotional turmoil and the loss of his mother. The external conflict is hinted at with the 'O 5' symbol, adding tension.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, as Jojo is faced with the harsh reality of his mother's death and the oppressive regime that led to it. The audience is left uncertain about Jojo's emotional and psychological state, adding depth to the conflict.

High Stakes: 8

The high stakes in this scene are evident through the loss of Jojo's mother, highlighting the dangers and consequences of war. Jojo's emotional turmoil raises the stakes for his character's journey.

Story Forward: 8

This scene moves the story forward by deepening Jojo's emotional arc and setting up future conflicts and resolutions. It adds layers to the narrative and enhances the audience's investment in the characters.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected revelation of Jojo's mother's identity and the emotional impact it has on him. The audience is kept on edge by the contrast between innocence and brutality.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the juxtaposition of innocence and brutality, beauty and violence. It challenges Jojo's beliefs about the world and forces him to confront the harsh realities of the society he lives in.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The emotional impact of this scene is profound, evoking feelings of sadness, empathy, and reflection. Jojo's vulnerability and the tragic discovery of his mother's body resonate deeply with the audience.

Dialogue: 7

While there is minimal dialogue in this scene, the emotional impact is conveyed more through visuals and actions. The sparse dialogue enhances the somber tone of the moment.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its emotional depth, vivid imagery, and thematic complexity that draw the audience into Jojo's journey of grief and self-discovery. The tension and suspense keep viewers invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotion, leading to a powerful climax with Jojo's discovery of his mother's fate. The rhythm and flow of the scene enhance its impact and keep the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene descriptions, character actions, and emotional beats that enhance the narrative and character development.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene effectively builds tension and emotion, leading to a powerful climax with Jojo's discovery of his mother's fate. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the scene's effectiveness in conveying the protagonist's internal and external struggles.


Critique
  • The juxtaposition of innocence and horror is effectively portrayed in this scene, as Jojo's initial fascination with the butterfly contrasts sharply with the grim discovery of his mother's body. This stark contrast heightens the emotional impact and underscores the loss of childhood innocence amidst the brutality of war.
  • Jojo's character arc is poignantly captured here. The scene shows his transition from a brave facade to a vulnerable child, which is a powerful moment. However, the emotional weight could be further enhanced by exploring Jojo's internal thoughts or memories of his mother in a brief flashback or voiceover, allowing the audience to connect more deeply with his grief.
  • The visual imagery of the bodies swaying in the wind is haunting and poetic, but it may benefit from a more explicit emotional reaction from Jojo as he processes the horror. While he does cry, adding a moment of reflection or a line of dialogue could deepen the audience's understanding of his emotional turmoil.
  • The detail of Jojo attempting to tie his mother's shoelace is a poignant symbol of his desire to care for her, even in death. However, this action could be expanded to show more of his struggle, perhaps through a brief internal monologue or a flashback to a time when she tied his shoelaces, reinforcing their bond and his helplessness in this moment.
  • The pacing of the scene is effective, but the transition from the butterfly to the hanging bodies could be more gradual. Perhaps including a moment where Jojo hears the wind or the creaking of the ropes before he looks up could build tension and foreshadow the grim discovery.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief internal monologue or flashback to Jojo's memories of his mother to enhance the emotional depth of his reaction.
  • Expand on Jojo's struggle to tie his mother's shoelace to emphasize his helplessness and desire to care for her, possibly incorporating a memory of her tying his shoelaces in happier times.
  • Introduce a moment of foreshadowing before Jojo looks up, such as the sound of the wind or creaking ropes, to build tension and prepare the audience for the shocking reveal.
  • Explore Jojo's emotional reaction further by including a line of dialogue or a more explicit expression of his grief, allowing the audience to connect more deeply with his pain.
  • Maintain the haunting imagery of the bodies but consider varying the pacing slightly to allow the audience to absorb the horror before Jojo's reaction.



Scene 47 -  Descent into Darkness
EXT. TOWN SQUARE - FLORIDSDORFER SPITZ - DUSK

As the sun sets Jojo remains in the park, sitting near his
mother, quiet and still.

A pair of shiny shoes appear next to Jojo. He looks up to see
Adolf Hitler staring back at him with sympathetic eyes.

Jojo hangs his head again. Adolf touches him on the shoulder and
disappears into the night.


INT. JOJO’S HOUSE - ELSA’S HIDEOUT - NIGHT

Elsa reads by candlelight. The panel opens and Jojo stands
before her, a knife in his hand.

ELSA
Jojo?

He runs at her but it’s more of a hobble, she stops him, they
struggle against each other.

ELSA (CONT’D)
Jojo, stop!

She pushes him away, he trips and falls, losing the knife. He
stands and runs at her again and again until he finally
collapses to the ground. He lies on his back and stares upwards.

JOJO
Mama...

Elsa covers her mouth, begins to cry.
Genres: ["Drama","War"]

Summary In a somber dusk, Jojo sits with his mother in the town square, where he is visited by a sympathetic apparition of Adolf Hitler, reflecting his inner conflict. The scene shifts to Jojo's house, where he confronts Elsa with a knife, struggling with his emotions. As Jojo collapses in despair, calling for his mother, Elsa is left in tears, highlighting their shared grief and unresolved tension.
Strengths
  • Powerful emotional impact
  • Strong character development
  • Compelling theme
Weaknesses
  • Potential for melodrama
  • Lack of resolution for certain plot points

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene is powerful in its emotional impact, effectively conveying grief and despair through the characters' actions and dialogue. The presence of Adolf Hitler adds a unique and unexpected element to the scene, enhancing its depth and complexity.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of the scene, focusing on the emotional confrontation between Jojo and Elsa and the revelation of Frau Betzler's fate, is compelling and well-executed.

Plot: 9

The plot of the scene is crucial in advancing the story, revealing important character dynamics and driving the emotional arc of the narrative.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the coming-of-age and historical drama genres by blending elements of fantasy, drama, and dark comedy. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds a layer of complexity and nuance to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 9.2

The characters are well-developed and their emotional journey in the scene is compelling. Jojo's grief and Elsa's distress are portrayed with depth and authenticity.

Character Changes: 9

Both Jojo and Elsa undergo significant emotional changes in the scene, deepening their character development and setting the stage for future growth.

Internal Goal: 8

Jojo's internal goal in this scene is to come to terms with his conflicting emotions towards his mother and his indoctrination by Adolf Hitler. It reflects his deeper need for love and acceptance, his fear of rejection, and his desire for understanding and redemption.

External Goal: 7

Jojo's external goal in this scene is to confront Elsa and potentially harm her under the influence of his indoctrination. It reflects the immediate challenge of breaking free from his beliefs and facing the consequences of his actions.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, as Jojo grapples with the loss of his mother and his conflicting emotions towards Elsa.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Jojo facing internal and external conflicts that challenge his beliefs, values, and actions. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of the outcome and its implications.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in the scene, as Jojo grapples with the loss of his mother and the potential consequences of his actions.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by revealing important information about Frau Betzler's fate and deepening the emotional stakes for the characters.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected interactions between Jojo, Adolf Hitler, and Elsa. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of the characters' motivations and actions.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the clash between Jojo's loyalty to Hitler's ideology and his innate sense of morality and love for his mother. It challenges Jojo's beliefs, values, and worldview, forcing him to question his identity and allegiances.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9.5

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking feelings of grief, despair, and sympathy in the audience.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue effectively conveys the characters' emotions and the gravity of the situation, adding depth to the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its emotional intensity, character dynamics, and thematic depth. The conflict and stakes are high, keeping the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension, suspense, and emotional resonance. The rhythm of the interactions and dialogue enhances the impact of the character dynamics and thematic exploration.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene adheres to the expected format for its genre, with proper scene headings, action lines, and dialogue formatting. It enhances the readability and flow of the narrative.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the effectiveness of the emotional beats and character development.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures Jojo's emotional turmoil following the devastating discovery of his mother's death. The juxtaposition of Jojo's innocence, represented by his earlier fascination with the butterfly, against the grim reality of his mother's execution creates a poignant moment that resonates with the audience.
  • The appearance of Adolf Hitler as a sympathetic figure adds a surreal layer to the scene. However, the transition from the park to Jojo's confrontation with Elsa feels abrupt. The emotional weight of Jojo's grief could be better connected to his subsequent actions towards Elsa, enhancing the narrative flow.
  • Elsa's reaction to Jojo's aggression is powerful, showcasing her fear and the tension between them. However, the struggle could benefit from more physicality or description to heighten the sense of danger and desperation in Jojo's actions. This would make the scene more dynamic and engaging.
  • The dialogue is minimal, which works well in conveying the emotional weight of the moment. However, adding a few more lines of internal monologue or thoughts from Jojo could deepen the audience's understanding of his mental state and motivations during this confrontation.
  • The visual imagery of Jojo collapsing and calling for his mother is striking, but it could be enhanced by incorporating more sensory details. Describing the sounds, smells, or even the atmosphere of the room could immerse the audience further into Jojo's emotional experience.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of reflection for Jojo after he discovers his mother's body, allowing the audience to fully grasp the impact of his loss before transitioning to the confrontation with Elsa.
  • Enhance the physical struggle between Jojo and Elsa by incorporating more descriptive action lines that convey the intensity of their emotions and the stakes of the moment.
  • Include a few lines of internal dialogue from Jojo during the struggle to provide insight into his thoughts and feelings, which would help the audience connect with his character on a deeper level.
  • Explore the use of sensory details to enrich the scene, such as the dim candlelight in Elsa's hideout, the sounds of the night, or the emotional weight of the air, to create a more immersive experience.
  • Consider a more gradual build-up to Jojo's collapse, perhaps by showing his physical and emotional exhaustion as he struggles with the knife, which would make his eventual fall feel more impactful.



Scene 48 -  Rooftop Revelations
EXT. JOJO’S HOUSE - ROOFTOP - NIGHT

Jojo and Elsa stand on a ladder in the attic, their heads poking
out through the ROOFTOP HATCH. Distant bombing continues.

JOJO
She was with others. They had a number
on them.


ELSA
O5.

Jojo looks at her, she knows?

ELSA (CONT’D)
The Resistance, Jojo. O-Five. The ‘O’
stands for Oesterreich, Austria. The 5
is the fifth letter of the alphabet,
‘E’. Together it makes “OE”, the way
we used to spell Austria before the
Nazi regime. “Oesterreich”. She was
part of this.

JOJO
Did you know this before?

ELSA
Sort of. She didn’t tell me much, only
that she worked with friends and that
your father was somehow involved from
afar.

JOJO
What? No, he’s fighting in the war.

ELSA
She didn’t want to tell you anything
for obvious reasons.

JOJO
(nodding, tearing up)
Because I’m a Nazi.

ELSA
No, because she didn’t want you to
know anything that would get you in
trouble. She wanted to protect you,
more than anything, more than me. You
were the most important thing to her.

JOJO
But they found out what she was doing
in the end. They got her.

ELSA
Jojo, I’m sorry. She died trying to
save lives. That is the greatest
honour any human can achieve.

JOJO
But now I have nothing. No one.

Elsa puts an arm around his shoulder. More bombs.


ELSA
The last time I saw my parents was at
Westbanhof. They were put on a train,
my cousin made me run with him and
hide behind the terminus. Later we
were sleeping in the forest, others
were there. They found us. They shot
everyone, Franz too. I ran and slowly
found my way back to the city. A
friend of my fathers hid me. Then
another friend, then friends of
friends... till she took me in.
(then)
So far I am still here. But my parents
went to a place you don’t come back
from.

He leans his head on her shoulder. They sit like this in the
moonlight.

JOJO
Please don’t leave.

She smiles.

ELSA
Where would I go? As long as they’re
out there I will stay here.

The BOMBING gets louder...


MONTAGE - JOJO AND ELSA

- Jojo and Elsa hang blankets over the windows as the bombing
continues.

- Jojo barters with a local PEASANT for some OLD VEGETABLES.

- Elsa draws pictures of her surroundings; the view, the objects
in the room, Jojo.

- Jojo walks past a wall where he previously tacked pictures of
Hitler and propaganda notices. Some of the Hitler pictures have
been torn away leaving half of the Fuhrer’s face.

- Jojo peruses Elsa’s drawings. He finds one of a BUTTERFLY.

- Jojo pins the butterfly drawing to his wall, near a photo of
Hitler.

- Jojo attempts to prepare food in his kitchen. Obviously he’s a
terrible cook.


- Jojo’s bedroom; Jojo pins another one of Elsa’s drawings on
the wall. There are now as many of them as his pictures of
Hitler.

- Jojo delivers a plate of pretty questionable food to Elsa.
They eat together. Mid-meal, fixated on Elsa, Jojo looks down at
his tummy again. SUPERIMPOSED over his stomach we see an image
of hundreds of butterflies fluttering around in an empty cave.
Genres: ["Drama","War"]

Summary On the rooftop of Jojo's house during a war, Jojo and Elsa discuss Jojo's mother's involvement in the Resistance, revealing deep emotional truths about loss and identity. As they share their traumatic experiences, they find comfort in each other amidst the chaos of distant bombings. The scene captures their growing bond through shared moments, including Jojo's attempts at cooking and his appreciation for Elsa's artwork. It concludes with Jojo serving a questionable meal to Elsa, symbolizing hope and transformation.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Tension building
  • Revealing backstory
Weaknesses
  • Potential pacing issues in emotional moments
  • Limited external conflict

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene effectively conveys the emotional weight of loss and sacrifice, deepening the connection between Jojo and Elsa while providing crucial character development and backstory. The tension and reflective tone create a compelling atmosphere.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of exploring loss, sacrifice, and resilience in the context of war is compelling and well-executed. The scene effectively delves into the emotional and thematic core of the story.

Plot: 9

The plot is advanced through significant character development, revealing backstory, and deepening emotional connections between Jojo and Elsa. The scene moves the story forward while adding depth to the narrative.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh perspective on the WWII setting by focusing on the personal struggles and relationships of the characters. The authenticity of the dialogue and actions adds depth and complexity to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 9.2

The characters of Jojo and Elsa are further developed, showcasing their emotional depth, resilience, and evolving relationship. Their interactions and reactions add layers to their personalities.

Character Changes: 9

Both Jojo and Elsa undergo significant emotional changes in the scene, deepening their bond and revealing new layers of their characters. Their experiences shape their perspectives and relationships.

Internal Goal: 9

Jojo's internal goal in this scene is to come to terms with his identity as a Nazi and the loss of his mother. He grapples with feelings of guilt, grief, and confusion about his place in the world.

External Goal: 8

Jojo's external goal is to survive the war and protect Elsa. He is faced with the challenge of navigating the dangers of the Nazi regime and the ongoing bombing.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8.5

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, focusing on Jojo's emotional turmoil and Elsa's fear of discovery. The tension is palpable, adding depth to their relationship.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, as Jojo and Elsa face external threats from the Nazi regime and the ongoing bombing, as well as internal conflicts related to their identities and loyalties.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in the scene as Jojo and Elsa face the consequences of their actions and the looming threat of discovery. The emotional and personal risks add tension and urgency to the narrative.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by providing crucial character development, revealing backstory, and deepening emotional connections. It adds depth to the narrative and sets the stage for future events.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the emotional twists and revelations that challenge the characters' beliefs and relationships. The unexpected turns keep the audience invested in the outcome.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the themes of loyalty, sacrifice, and the morality of resistance. Jojo must confront his beliefs as a Nazi and decide where his loyalties truly lie.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9.5

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking feelings of sadness, hope, and fear. The poignant moments of loss and resilience resonate with the audience, creating a powerful connection.

Dialogue: 8.8

The dialogue effectively conveys the emotional weight of the scene, deepening the connection between Jojo and Elsa. It reveals important information about their pasts and motivations.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its emotional depth, character development, and the sense of urgency and danger created by the wartime setting. The intimate moments between Jojo and Elsa draw the audience in and evoke empathy.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotional resonance, allowing for moments of reflection and intimacy amidst the chaos of war. The rhythm of the dialogue and actions enhances the scene's impact.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene adheres to the expected format for its genre, with clear scene descriptions, character actions, and dialogue. The formatting enhances the readability and impact of the scene.

Structure: 9

The scene follows a well-paced structure that effectively builds tension and emotional depth. The dialogue and actions flow naturally, contributing to the scene's impact.


Critique
  • The emotional weight of the scene is palpable, particularly in Jojo's realization of his mother's involvement in the Resistance and the subsequent loss he feels. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtlety; some lines feel overly expository, particularly Elsa's explanation of 'O5'. This could be shown through action or visual storytelling rather than explained outright.
  • The montage section effectively conveys the passage of time and the growing bond between Jojo and Elsa, but it risks losing the emotional intensity established in the earlier dialogue. The transition from a heavy emotional moment to a montage could be smoother, perhaps by incorporating Jojo's internal thoughts or feelings during the montage to maintain the emotional connection.
  • The contrast between Jojo's past admiration for Hitler and his current relationship with Elsa is a powerful theme, but the scene could delve deeper into Jojo's internal conflict. More internal monologue or visual cues reflecting his changing perspective would enhance the audience's understanding of his transformation.
  • The use of the moonlight and the bombing sounds creates a strong atmosphere, but the scene could benefit from more sensory details. Describing the sounds, smells, or even the physical sensations Jojo experiences could immerse the audience further into the moment.
  • Elsa's backstory is compelling, but it feels somewhat rushed. Expanding on her experiences could provide a richer context for her character and deepen the emotional stakes. This could be achieved through a brief flashback or a more detailed recounting of her past.
Suggestions
  • Consider revising Elsa's explanation of 'O5' to be more visual or implied rather than explicitly stated. Perhaps show Jojo's reaction to a visual cue that represents this information instead.
  • Integrate Jojo's internal thoughts during the montage to maintain emotional continuity. This could be done through voiceover or visual representations of his feelings as he engages in these activities.
  • Add more internal conflict for Jojo by including moments of hesitation or doubt about his past beliefs, perhaps through visual metaphors or brief flashbacks that juxtapose his current situation with his previous life.
  • Enhance the sensory details in the scene to create a more immersive experience. Describe the sounds of the bombing, the feel of the cold night air, or the smell of the food Jojo attempts to cook.
  • Expand on Elsa's backstory by incorporating a brief flashback or a more detailed recounting of her experiences. This could help the audience connect more deeply with her character and understand her emotional state.



Scene 49 -  Art and Chaos
INT. JOJO’S HOUSE - INGA’S ROOM - MORNING

Outside the window we hear birds chirping and see fresh leaves
on the trees. It’s SPRING. Jojo is reading a letter to Elsa. She
is listening with a smile on her face.

JOJO
New works by Elsa Korr. Reviewed by
Mr. Smith...son...stein...berg.
They’re Jewish; the gallery is in New
York.
(clears his throat)
I had the pleasure of seeing some
really great drawings by a young girl
from Austria named Elsa Korr. She
certainly has an eye for detail; her
pictures of butterflies are
incredible. And I loved the drawing of
the man riding a giraffe. But what
really stood out was the one of the
interesting little boy. It made me
wonder a lot about him and what he was
thinking about because he looked like
he was thinking about stuff. Overall
it was a great collection and I see a
bright future for this girl, wherever
she is. I encourage her to keep going
with the drawings.
(beat)
Four out of five stars.

ELSA
Wow, that’s pretty positive.

JOJO
Yeah.
(then)
They want to do another exhibition in
June so give me some more drawings and
I’ll send them off.

Playing along, Elsa hands him another pile of her drawings.


ELSA
Thanks, Gertrude Stein.

He smiles and leaves.


INT. JOJO’S HOUSE - JOJO’S ROOM - MOMENTS LATER

Jojo opens a drawer and places Elsa’s pictures inside. We see
there is an even bigger collection of drawings inside.

A distant explosion is heard, the rumbling causing objects and
windows to shake and rattle. The sound of gunshots comes soon
after. Jojo rushes out.
Genres: ["Drama","War"]

Summary In a bright spring morning, Jojo reads a positive review of Elsa's artwork, encouraging her creativity. Elsa responds with enthusiasm, playfully referring to Jojo as 'Gertrude Stein' while handing him more drawings for an exhibition. Their light-hearted exchange is abruptly interrupted by the distant sounds of an explosion and gunfire, prompting Jojo to rush out of the room, shifting the mood from warmth to urgency.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Resonant themes
Weaknesses
  • Limited plot progression
  • Low external conflict

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys emotional depth and character development, with a strong focus on the evolving relationship between Jojo and Elsa.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of resilience and friendship in the face of adversity is well-executed, adding depth to the characters and the overall narrative.

Plot: 8

The plot progression in the scene focuses on character development and emotional resonance, moving the story forward through the evolving relationship between Jojo and Elsa.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the coming-of-age theme by intertwining the protagonist's support for Elsa's artistic talent with the backdrop of war, creating a unique and compelling narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Jojo and Elsa are well-developed, with their emotional journey and growing bond at the center of the scene.

Character Changes: 8

Both Jojo and Elsa undergo significant emotional growth and change in the scene, deepening their bond and resilience.

Internal Goal: 8

Jojo's internal goal in this scene is to support and encourage Elsa's artistic talent, reflecting his desire to nurture her creativity and potentially protect her innocence in a changing world.

External Goal: 7

Jojo's external goal is to collect more drawings from Elsa for another exhibition in June, reflecting his role as a mentor and supporter of her artistic career.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 5

While there is emotional conflict present, the scene focuses more on the characters' internal struggles and growth rather than external conflicts.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create conflict and tension, with the sudden explosion and gunshots posing a threat to Jojo and Elsa's safety, adding complexity to the narrative.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes are emotional and personal in the scene, focusing on the characters' internal struggles and relationships rather than external threats.

Story Forward: 7

While the scene provides important character development and emotional resonance, it does not significantly advance the main plot of the story.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because it shifts from a peaceful domestic scene to a sudden explosion and gunshots, creating a sense of unease and uncertainty about what will happen next.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the contrast between the innocence and creativity of childhood represented by Elsa's drawings and the harsh reality of war and violence symbolized by the distant explosion and gunshots.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes a strong emotional response from the audience, particularly in the moments of reflection and connection between Jojo and Elsa.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue effectively conveys the emotions and thoughts of the characters, adding depth to their interactions and relationship.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it effectively balances light-hearted moments with suspenseful elements, keeping the audience invested in the characters' fates and the unfolding narrative.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, with a gradual escalation from the peaceful domestic setting to the sudden disruption of the explosion, keeping the audience engaged and eager to see what happens next.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings, dialogue, and action descriptions that enhance the reader's understanding of the setting and characters.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure, transitioning smoothly from Jojo's interaction with Elsa to the sudden disruption of the explosion, effectively building tension and setting up the next plot development.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures a moment of tenderness and connection between Jojo and Elsa, showcasing their evolving relationship through the reading of the positive review. This is a significant emotional beat that contrasts with the surrounding chaos of the war, highlighting the innocence and creativity that still exists amidst destruction.
  • Jojo's reading of the review serves as a vehicle for character development, illustrating his growth from a naive boy indoctrinated by Nazi ideology to someone who appreciates art and the person behind it. This transformation is subtle yet impactful, and it adds depth to his character.
  • The dialogue is playful and light-hearted, particularly with Elsa's reference to Gertrude Stein, which adds a layer of humor and intelligence to their interaction. However, the dialogue could benefit from more emotional stakes or tension to enhance the contrast with the impending violence outside.
  • The abrupt shift from the warmth of the scene to the distant sounds of explosions and gunfire is effective in creating a jarring contrast, emphasizing the fragility of their moment. However, the transition could be more pronounced to heighten the emotional impact, perhaps by incorporating Jojo's internal thoughts or a visual cue that foreshadows the chaos.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of reflection from Jojo after reading the review, where he contemplates the significance of Elsa's art in the context of their current reality. This could deepen the emotional resonance of the scene.
  • Enhance the tension by incorporating Jojo's physical reactions to the distant explosions, such as a moment of hesitation or concern before he rushes out. This would help to build suspense and make the audience more aware of the danger lurking outside.
  • Explore the possibility of having Elsa share her thoughts on the review or her art, which could provide insight into her character and further develop their bond. This could also serve to contrast her artistic aspirations with the grim reality they face.
  • Consider using more vivid imagery or sensory details to describe the drawings Jojo admires, which could help to paint a clearer picture of Elsa's talent and the beauty of her art amidst the war.



Scene 50 -  Chaos and Commitment
EXT. GRUSCH GROCERY - DAY

Jojo heads down a street and finds a group of civilian locals
being given weapons and instructions on how to use them. There
are a couple of women and young boys among them, all looking
very out of their element and bewildered. Two younger kids help
each other carry a huge MACHINE GUN off towards the fighting.

An explosion a few blocks away. Civilians run the opposite way
towards safety. Jojo runs too. He rounds a corner and sees
Yorki, his uniform in tatters, running on the other side of the
street carrying boxes of ammunition and a ROCKET LAUNCHER.

JOJO
Yorki!

Yorki sees Jojo, waves, trips and falls, accidentally FIRING the
Rocket Launcher. It launches a missile across the road,
completely blowing out a store front. GLASS and DEBRIS shower
the street.

YORKI
Shit! Jojo, you okay?! I’m so clumsy.

JOJO
Yorki, what’s going on?

YORKI
The Russians Jojo, they’re coming. And
the Americans from the other way. And
England and China and Africa and India
and Australia. Shit, it’s everyone!

JOJO
How are we doing?


YORKI
Are you kidding? Terribly! Our only
friends are the Japanese and just
between you and me, they don’t look
very Aryan. The whole country’s run
out of money. I mean look at this
uniform, it really IS made of paper.
They just glued a layer thin cotton
over the top of it.

He turns around and see the back of his jacket has been
completely burned off. We see it is made of CARDBOARD covered in
thin COTTON.

YORKI (CONT’D)
You’re lucky you got out, this is
crazy. Go and hide, buddy.

He tries to lift the boxes of ammunition up again but has
difficulty.

YORKI (CONT’D)
Shit, and someone should tell you how
heavy guns and bullets are.

JOJO
What’s it like out there?

YORKI
Ummm... shitty. It’s fun at first but
then it’s really scary. Hans, that big
asshole from Jungvolk training, he got
killed about a week ago. His head got
shot off. I saw it - SHOT OFF! And he
was still standing holding his gun and
then he did a little dance like this.

Yorki shimmies on his feet for a second. Silly.

YORKI (CONT’D)
I know you’re not supposed to laugh
but it looked so funny. Plus he was
such an asshole.
(then)
I gotta go.

JOJO
Take me with you, I can help. I wanna
be part of it!

YORKI
Why? We’re losing.


JOJO
No we’re not. We can’t lose, it’s
impossible. We’re German. We don’t
know how to lose, we’re invincible.

YORKI
Tell that to old Hans “No more head”.
(then)
Ok, come. I gotta get this ammo to the
gunners. You can help me.

Yorki puts the ammo in Jojo’s barrow and they head off.
Genres: ["War","Drama","Comedy"]

Summary In a war-torn setting outside Grusch Grocery, Jojo encounters a group of civilians, including Yorki, who is humorously armed despite his tattered uniform. An accidental rocket launch by Yorki leads to a conversation about their dire situation, revealing the overwhelming enemy forces and dwindling supplies. Jojo, embodying youthful naivety, insists on helping, believing in their invincibility as Germans. Yorki, though reluctant, agrees to let Jojo assist him in delivering ammunition, highlighting the absurdity of war through their contrasting perspectives. The scene captures a mix of dark humor and tension as they navigate the chaos together.
Strengths
  • Humorous dialogue
  • Effective character dynamics
  • Surreal elements
Weaknesses
  • Lack of significant character development
  • Limited emotional depth in some moments

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively blends humor, surreal elements, and bittersweet moments to create a compelling and engaging portrayal of the impact of war on young characters. The dialogue is witty and the character dynamics are well-developed.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of juxtaposing the innocence of young boys with the brutality of war is effectively portrayed in the scene. The dialogue and interactions between Jojo and Yorki capture the confusion and absurdity of the situation.

Plot: 8

The plot progression in the scene focuses on Jojo's encounter with Yorki and the revelation of the chaotic state of the war. It moves the story forward by highlighting the impact of the conflict on the characters.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh perspective on the theme of war, blending humor with tragedy in a way that feels authentic and compelling. The characters' actions and dialogue are original and engaging, capturing the complexities of human nature in extreme circumstances.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters of Jojo and Yorki are well-developed in the scene, with Jojo's innocence and belief in German invincibility contrasting with Yorki's more cynical and realistic view of the war. Their interactions provide insight into their personalities and the effects of the conflict on them.

Character Changes: 7

While there is not a significant character change in this scene, Jojo's exposure to the chaos of war and his interactions with Yorki begin to challenge his beliefs and innocence, setting the stage for potential growth and development in future scenes.

Internal Goal: 8

Jojo's internal goal is to prove his bravery and loyalty to his country. He wants to be part of the war effort and show that he is willing to fight for Germany.

External Goal: 7

Jojo's external goal is to help Yorki deliver ammunition to the gunners and contribute to the war effort.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The level of conflict in the scene is high, as the characters are faced with the imminent threat of war and the chaos it brings. The tension between Jojo's beliefs and the reality of the situation creates a compelling conflict.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the characters facing external threats and internal doubts that create tension and conflict.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in the scene as the characters are faced with the imminent threat of war and the chaos it brings. Jojo's desire to be part of the conflict despite the dangers highlights the gravity of the situation.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by revealing the escalating conflict and its impact on the characters, particularly Jojo. It sets the stage for further developments and explores the themes of war and innocence in a compelling way.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because it subverts expectations and challenges the audience's assumptions about war and heroism.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the juxtaposition of youthful naivety and the harsh reality of war. Jojo's idealistic view of invincibility clashes with the brutal truth of loss and violence.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene has a moderate emotional impact, eliciting feelings of humor, confusion, and bittersweetness. The contrast between the comedic elements and the seriousness of the war adds depth to the emotional resonance of the scene.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene is witty, humorous, and poignant, capturing the essence of the characters and the tone of the scene. The banter between Jojo and Yorki adds depth to their relationship and conveys the themes of the scene effectively.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it combines action, humor, and drama in a way that keeps the audience invested in the characters and their journey.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-balanced, with a mix of action and dialogue that keeps the story moving forward and maintains the audience's interest.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is well-executed, with clear descriptions and dialogue that enhance the visual and emotional impact of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure that builds tension and conflict effectively. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its overall impact.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the chaos and absurdity of war through the interactions between Jojo and Yorki. The dialogue is humorous yet poignant, highlighting the innocence of the characters amidst the dire circumstances. However, the humor can sometimes feel jarring against the backdrop of violence, which may confuse the audience regarding the tone.
  • Yorki's character is well-developed in this scene, showcasing his clumsiness and naivety, which contrasts sharply with the grim reality of the situation. His description of Hans's death is both darkly comedic and unsettling, effectively illustrating the harshness of war while maintaining a childlike perspective.
  • Jojo's unwavering belief in German invincibility serves as a powerful commentary on indoctrination and the naivety of youth. However, this belief could be further explored through internal conflict or doubt, which would add depth to his character and make his eventual journey more impactful.
  • The pacing of the scene is generally good, but the transition from the explosion to the dialogue could be smoother. The initial shock of the explosion is a strong moment that could be used to heighten tension before the comedic exchanges begin.
  • The visual elements, such as the cardboard uniform and the absurdity of children carrying weapons, effectively convey the surreal nature of the situation. However, more sensory details could enhance the atmosphere, such as the sounds of battle or the sights of destruction, to immerse the audience further.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment of silence or a pause after the explosion to allow the gravity of the situation to sink in before the comedic dialogue resumes. This could create a stronger emotional impact.
  • Explore Jojo's internal conflict more deeply. Perhaps include a moment where he questions his beliefs or expresses fear about the situation, which would add complexity to his character.
  • Incorporate more sensory details to enhance the scene's atmosphere. Describe the sounds of battle, the smell of smoke, or the sight of destruction to create a more immersive experience for the audience.
  • Balance the humor with moments of seriousness. While the comedic elements are effective, ensure they do not undermine the gravity of the war context. Consider using humor as a coping mechanism for the characters rather than as a primary focus.
  • Clarify the stakes for Jojo in this scene. What does he hope to achieve by joining Yorki? Making his motivations clearer could strengthen the emotional resonance of his desire to be part of the action.



Scene 51 -  Chaos and Confessions in Beethoven Platz
EXT. TOWN SQUARE - BEETHOVEN PLATZ - DAY

They reach a square, the fire-fight in the distance gets closer.
There are a few other explosions, heard but not seen, down the
street. It’s loud and chaotic. Other soldiers run around, many
of them are JOJO’s AGE. Jojo is a little bewildered.

YORKI
Woah, listen, they’re getting closer.

JOJO
Remember that Jew I told you about?

YORKI
Oh yeah. You caught one.

JOJO
I still have her. She’s basically my
girlfriend.

YORKI
Good for you Jojo! A girlfriend!

JOJO
But she’s, y’know... Jewish.

YORKI
There are bigger things to worry about
than Jews Jojo. That’s the Russians
out there. They’re worse than anyone.
We’ve been told they eat babies and
have sex with dogs. I mean, that’s
bad, right?

JOJO
Sex with dogs?


YORKI
Yeah, and the Englishmen do it too. We
have to stop them before they eat us
and fuck all our dogs. It’s crazy.
(then)
Wait, what’s that annoying music?

Just then, we hear PACHELBEL’S CANON in D and we see KLENZENDORF
run past, stopping near the boys. We see that he is wearing his
uniform but it has been altered according to his earlier
drawing. It has SPARKLY SEQUINS on the collar and TASSELS down
the sleeves. He wears HIGH HEEL BOOTS and is carrying a MACHINE
GUN which has a RADIO strapped to it, playing the music.
Obviously, he’s also wearing a PIRATE HAT.

Finkel runs up, dressed in a similar outfit, but he wears a cape
made of pink triangle patches. He stands proudly next to Captain
K, there is an electric energy between them. Klenzendorf gives a
triumphant smile, doffs his pirate hat and runs off, Finkel
close behind, Pachelbel swelling.

YORKI (CONT’D)
Okay, I gotta go Jojo, the guys need
these bullets.

JOJO
We were born to die for Germany.

YORKI
Yeah? Well I’m still not gonna laugh
when they shoot me.
(prodding his fat belly)
Shit, I’m a pretty big target too.

He heads across the plaza, the gunfire gets louder. Jojo calls
out.

JOJO
Yorki, you’re my best friend!

But Yorki can’t hear him, he continues around the corner, out of
sight. There are more shots and yelling. Suddenly a huge
explosion rocks the street, debris and smoke pours around the
corner and back into the square. Jojo hides behind a tree and
watches as German soldiers come running from the street, some
are gunned down, others hide behind vehicles and continue to
engage the enemy. Klenzendorf runs around too, his Pirate Hat is
on fire.

Jojo runs back up a side-street, away from the chaos.

FADE OUT.


SFX: TRIUMPHANT MUSIC AND THE SOUND OF TANKS ROLLING
Genres: ["War","Comedy","Drama"]

Summary In a chaotic town square during a fierce battle, Jojo confides in Yorki about his Jewish girlfriend, while Yorki humorously downplays the threat of Jews compared to the Russians. Klenzendorf makes a flamboyant entrance in a sequined uniform and pirate hat, adding absurdity to the scene. As explosions erupt around them, Yorki leaves to deliver ammunition, and Jojo, overwhelmed by the chaos, ultimately retreats to safety.
Strengths
  • Effective blend of humor and emotion
  • Compelling character interactions
  • High emotional impact
Weaknesses
  • Some tonal shifts may be jarring for some viewers

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively blends humor, chaos, and emotional depth to create a compelling narrative that engages the audience. The mix of tones keeps the scene dynamic and interesting, while the underlying sentiment of friendship and loss adds depth to the characters' experiences.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of blending humor, chaos, and emotional depth in a wartime setting is well-executed in this scene. The juxtaposition of light-hearted moments with the seriousness of the situation adds layers to the narrative and enhances the character development.

Plot: 8.5

The plot of the scene is engaging and moves the story forward by showcasing the characters' reactions to the escalating conflict and their evolving relationships. The discovery of Jojo's mother's fate adds a significant emotional weight to the narrative.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces fresh and unexpected elements, such as the characters' beliefs about Jews and Russians, and the surreal image of Klenzendorf in a pirate outfit. The dialogue feels authentic and adds depth to the characters.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-developed and their interactions feel authentic and meaningful. Jojo and Yorki's friendship is a central focus of the scene, and their bond is portrayed with sincerity and depth.

Character Changes: 8

The characters undergo significant changes in this scene, particularly Jojo, who grapples with the loss of his mother, the discovery of Elsa's true identity, and the shifting dynamics of his relationships. These changes contribute to the characters' growth and development.

Internal Goal: 8

Jojo's internal goal is to navigate his conflicting feelings about his 'Jewish girlfriend' and the propaganda he has been fed about Jews and Russians. This reflects his deeper need for acceptance and understanding.

External Goal: 7

Jojo's external goal is to survive the chaos and violence of the war. This reflects the immediate challenge he is facing in the scene.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The level of conflict in the scene is high, with the characters facing physical danger, emotional turmoil, and moral dilemmas. The chaos of the war setting intensifies the conflict and drives the characters' actions.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the characters facing the chaos of war and conflicting beliefs about Jews and Russians.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in this scene, with the characters facing physical danger, emotional turmoil, and moral dilemmas in the midst of a chaotic war setting. The decisions they make have significant consequences for their lives and relationships.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by revealing key information about the characters, deepening their relationships, and setting up future conflicts and resolutions. The discovery of Jojo's mother's fate and Elsa's true identity propel the narrative towards its climax.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in the dialogue and the surreal imagery of Klenzendorf in a pirate outfit.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between the propaganda-driven beliefs of the characters about Jews and Russians, and the reality of the war they are facing. This challenges Jojo's beliefs and values.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a significant emotional impact, particularly in the moments of loss and connection between the characters. The audience is likely to feel a range of emotions, from humor to heartbreak, as they witness the characters' experiences.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is witty, humorous, and poignant, capturing the characters' personalities and emotions effectively. The banter between Jojo and Yorki adds levity to the chaotic situation, while the emotional exchanges between Jojo and Elsa deepen the emotional impact of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its fast-paced action, dark humor, and surreal imagery, keeping the audience on the edge of their seats.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and suspense, leading to a climactic moment.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear action lines and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a war drama, with a buildup of tension and conflict leading to a climax.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the chaos of war through sound and visuals, creating a palpable sense of urgency. However, the dialogue between Jojo and Yorki, while humorous, risks undermining the gravity of the situation. The juxtaposition of their light-hearted banter against the backdrop of violence can be jarring, and it may benefit from a more nuanced approach that balances humor with the seriousness of their circumstances.
  • Yorki's comments about the Russians and the absurdity of their supposed actions (eating babies, etc.) serve to highlight the indoctrination and misconceptions prevalent among the youth. However, this could be further developed to show how these beliefs affect Jojo's perception of his own situation and his relationship with Elsa. A deeper exploration of Jojo's internal conflict regarding his feelings for a Jewish girl amidst such propaganda could add emotional weight to the scene.
  • Klenzendorf's flamboyant appearance and the use of Pachelbel's Canon provide a surreal and comedic contrast to the chaos, which is effective in showcasing the absurdity of the war. However, the transition from the serious threat of battle to Klenzendorf's antics could be smoother. Consider building up to his entrance with more tension before revealing the comedic elements, allowing the audience to fully appreciate the absurdity without losing the sense of danger.
  • The scene ends abruptly with Jojo hiding behind a tree, which effectively conveys his fear and confusion. However, it may leave the audience wanting more resolution or insight into Jojo's emotional state. A brief moment of introspection or a line that reflects his thoughts on the chaos around him could enhance the emotional impact and provide a stronger connection to his character development.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment where Jojo reflects on his feelings for Elsa amidst the chaos, perhaps contrasting his affection for her with the absurdity of the war. This could deepen the emotional stakes and highlight his internal conflict.
  • Enhance the transition to Klenzendorf's entrance by building tension in the dialogue or visuals leading up to it. This could involve Jojo and Yorki discussing their fears or the sounds of battle intensifying before the comedic relief arrives.
  • Incorporate a line or moment at the end of the scene that gives insight into Jojo's emotional state as he hides. This could be a thought or a memory that connects back to his relationship with Elsa, reinforcing the stakes of the situation.
  • Explore the absurdity of the boys' beliefs further by having Jojo question some of Yorki's statements, showcasing his growing awareness of the ridiculousness of their indoctrination. This could serve as a turning point in his character arc.



Scene 52 -  Celebration and Confusion
EXT. TOWN - STREET - DAY

Jojo walks down a street, music blares, an anthem of some sort.
He stares wide-eyed as the CANNIBAL TRIBES of RUSSIA, GREAT
BRITAIN, and AMERICA parade down the street. Some people are
waving, happy. Others devastated, unwilling to accept defeat.

A Russian soldier passes by and thrusts a small Union-Jack flag
into Jojo’s hand. He says something indecipherable and continues
on. An excitable WOMAN (30 plus holding her child) runs past
them.

JOJO
What’s happening?

WOMAN
It’s over! The war is over! We will
have peace!

JOJO
What do you mean?

WOMAN
The Allies have won. The war is over!
Americaaaaa!!! Everyone is free!
Everyone is free!

Fantasy Adolf Hitler joins Jojo.

ADOLF
I have no idea what’s going on but I
do like the little flags and the
parade.

JOJO
Wha-? Adolf the war is over, what now?
We lost!

ADOLF
Good. That means your stupid free-
loading girlfriend can finally go away
to Paris with Nathan. Then it’ll just
be you and me like normal.

Jojo looks worried.

ADOLF (CONT’D)
That’s what we want, right?

He skips away, waving a flag.


ADOLF (CONT’D)
No more girl in the attic! No more
girl in the attic! Yayyy!
Genres: ["Drama","War","Comedy"]

Summary Jojo walks through a lively street parade celebrating the end of the war, receiving a Union-Jack flag from a Russian soldier. A woman joyfully informs him of the Allies' victory, but Jojo feels conflicted and anxious about the implications, especially regarding his girlfriend potentially leaving for Paris. His imaginary friend, Adolf Hitler, appears, confused yet pleased by the festivities, and oblivious to Jojo's worries. The scene captures a mix of celebration and internal struggle, ending with Adolf skipping away joyfully, leaving Jojo in a state of concern.
Strengths
  • Effective blend of humor and tragedy
  • Strong character development for Jojo
  • Emotional depth and impact
Weaknesses
  • Limited external conflict
  • Some tonal shifts may be jarring for some viewers

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively combines humor, surreal elements, and emotional depth to create a compelling and memorable moment in the story.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of exploring the aftermath of war through a mix of humor, surrealism, and emotional depth is innovative and engaging.

Plot: 8

The plot progression in the scene focuses on Jojo's reactions to the end of the war, his interactions with fantasy Adolf Hitler, and the impact of the war's conclusion on his relationships.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to exploring the impact of war on individuals through the use of fantasy elements and dark humor, creating an authentic portrayal of complex emotions and relationships.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters, especially Jojo and fantasy Adolf Hitler, are well-developed and contribute to the scene's emotional depth and humor.

Character Changes: 8

Jojo undergoes significant emotional changes in the scene, particularly in his realization of the war's impact and his relationships.

Internal Goal: 8

Jojo's internal goal is to come to terms with the end of the war and the implications it has on his personal life, particularly his relationship with his 'imaginary friend' Adolf Hitler.

External Goal: 7.5

Jojo's external goal is to understand the significance of the war ending and how it will impact his future.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal for Jojo as he grapples with the end of the war, his relationships, and his identity.

Opposition: 7.5

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Jojo facing conflicting emotions and perspectives from Adolf Hitler, the celebrating townspeople, and his own internal struggles.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes are moderate in the scene, focusing more on emotional and personal conflicts rather than immediate danger.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by exploring Jojo's emotional journey and setting the stage for the aftermath of the war.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected interactions between characters and the surreal elements introduced, keeping the audience on their toes.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around Jojo's internal struggle between his loyalty to Adolf Hitler and his own moral compass, as represented by the celebration of peace and freedom by the Allies.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact due to its blend of humor, surrealism, and heartbreaking moments, particularly Jojo's reaction to the war's end.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue effectively conveys the mix of humor, surrealism, and emotional weight in the scene, capturing the characters' personalities and conflicts.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its blend of humor, drama, and emotional depth, drawing the audience into the characters' internal conflicts and the larger narrative of post-war reconciliation.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotional resonance, allowing for moments of humor and introspection to shine through.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene adheres to the expected formatting standards for its genre, with clear scene descriptions, character actions, and dialogue cues.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a coherent structure that effectively conveys the emotional and narrative beats of the characters' interactions, maintaining the expected format for its genre.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the chaotic aftermath of the war, showcasing the contrasting emotions of celebration and devastation. The use of the 'Cannibal Tribes' metaphor is a clever and absurd way to depict the victors, aligning with the film's satirical tone.
  • Jojo's confusion and fear are palpable, and the dialogue with the woman effectively conveys the sudden shift in his world. However, the dialogue could be tightened for greater impact; the woman's enthusiasm feels a bit overdone and could be more nuanced to reflect the complexity of the situation.
  • Adolf's character continues to serve as a comedic yet sinister presence, and his comments about Jojo's girlfriend add a layer of tension. However, the transition from the woman's joyous announcement to Adolf's flippant remarks could be smoother to maintain emotional continuity.
  • The scene's pacing is somewhat uneven; while the initial celebration is energetic, the shift to Jojo's internal conflict feels abrupt. Expanding Jojo's reaction to the news of the war's end could enhance the emotional weight and provide a clearer contrast to the surrounding jubilation.
  • The visual imagery of flags and parades is strong, but it could be enhanced by incorporating more sensory details to immerse the audience further. Describing the sounds, sights, and smells of the celebration would create a richer atmosphere.
  • Jojo's relationship with Adolf is central to the scene, but it could benefit from a deeper exploration of Jojo's internal struggle regarding his identity and beliefs. This would add depth to his character arc and highlight the conflict between his upbringing and his emerging feelings for Elsa.
Suggestions
  • Consider revising the woman's dialogue to make it more layered, reflecting the mixed emotions of the townspeople rather than pure exuberance.
  • Smooth the transition between the woman's joyful announcement and Adolf's remarks to maintain emotional resonance; perhaps have Jojo express a moment of hope before Adolf's cynical commentary interrupts.
  • Expand on Jojo's internal conflict by including a brief moment of reflection on what the war's end means for him personally, especially in relation to Elsa.
  • Add more sensory details to the scene to create a vivid atmosphere, such as the sounds of celebration, the smell of food, or the sight of the colorful flags waving.
  • Explore Jojo's relationship with Adolf further, perhaps by having Adolf reflect more on the implications of the war's end for Jojo's identity and future, adding complexity to their dynamic.



Scene 53 -  Shattered Hopes
EXT. TOWN - STREET - LATER

The streets are quiet, heavy with Russian presence. Jojo stands
in line at a FOOD RATION STATION, holding a bag. Among the
GERMAN CIVILIANS and RUSSIAN TROOPS he feels like a stranger. A
tank rumbles past with the sounds of Soviet music wafting out.

He stumbles upon a make-shift morgue for the casualties of the
final battle for Vienna. He walks past many dead German boys and
men. Some are draped in their ARMY COATS. He stops near one who
lies the same way. He pulls the Army Coat off the body... it is
a stranger but a young lad all the same. Jojo rolls up the coat
and puts it under his arm.


INT. JOJO’S HOUSE - INGA’S BEDROOM - EVENING

Wearing the jacket, Jojo stands at the door to Elsa’s room. He
puts a hand on the door, clearly debating something internally.
He enters, Elsa is at the window, peering through a crack in the
curtain as fireworks go off and music plays in the distance.

ELSA
Jojo! What’s happening out there?

JOJO
Hmm? Where?

ELSA
Out there dummy! Listen.

JOJO
Oh, I’m not sure. Celebrations?

ELSA
For what?

Jojo doesn’t answer.

ELSA (CONT’D)
For what, Jojo? Tell me...
(beat)
Wait... is it over?

He nods.

ELSA (CONT’D)
The war is over?!


He nods again.

ELSA (CONT’D)
Yes!!! It’s over!!!

She stands, hugs Jojo, skips around the room and draws the
curtains wide.

ELSA (CONT’D)
Come, we must go outside! Come on
Jojo! We are free! I can go home! I
can go!

Jojo just stares ahead, bites his lip.

JOJO
You can’t go.

ELSA
What, why? What’s wrong?
(beat)
Jojo?

She looks back out the window, her smile fades. She steps back
from the window into the room.

ELSA (CONT’D)
Who won...?
(then)
Jojo, who won the war?

Jojo takes his time and making his decision... speaks.

JOJO
We did.
(then)
Hitler won the war.

Her face drops, she slinks to the ground, broken.

ELSA
But, they said the Allies were going
to win.

Long silence as tears well in her eyes. She walks back to her
hideout.

ELSA (CONT’D)
Congratulations.

JOJO
I’m sorry.
(then)
But you can still stay here.
(MORE)

JOJO (CONT'D)
That’s one good thing. You’ll live
with me. Here.

ELSA
Yes. And I’ll die here too. In this
room, just like Inga.

JOJO
No. I will look after you.

ELSA
Or they will come and find me and do
it themselves.

JOJO
No they won’t.

ELSA
(panic building)
They’re going to get me.

JOJO
I’ll take care of you!

ELSA
(snapping)
You can’t take care of anything! Not
even yourself. You’re a monster like
all of the others! Monster!!!

Elsa flops down on the bed and bursts into tears.
Genres: ["Drama","War"]

Summary In a tense evening scene at Jojo's home, Jojo stands out among German civilians and Russian troops while waiting for food rations. He takes an army coat from a dead soldier, which he later wears at home. When Elsa excitedly asks about the celebrations outside, believing the war is over, Jojo confirms it but hesitates to reveal that Hitler won. This revelation devastates Elsa, who expresses her fear of being found and killed. Despite Jojo's assurances of protection, Elsa accuses him of being a monster, leading to her emotional breakdown as she collapses in tears, overwhelmed by despair.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Heavy emotional content may be overwhelming for some viewers

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene is emotionally charged, well-structured, and impactful, effectively conveying the characters' internal struggles and the weight of their circumstances.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of exploring the aftermath of war through the lens of Jojo and Elsa's relationship is compelling and thought-provoking. The scene effectively conveys the complexities of their dynamic and the moral dilemmas they face.

Plot: 9

The plot of the scene is focused on the emotional journey of the characters in the aftermath of war, highlighting their struggles, conflicts, and the impact of their choices. It moves the story forward while deepening the character development.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh perspective on the aftermath of war, exploring the psychological impact on individuals and the moral dilemmas they face. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds depth and complexity to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 9.5

The characters of Jojo and Elsa are well-developed and complex, with layers of emotion, conflict, and growth. Their interactions and dialogue reveal their inner turmoil and the evolution of their relationship.

Character Changes: 9

Both Jojo and Elsa undergo significant emotional and psychological changes in the scene, grappling with their beliefs, their pasts, and their relationship. Their growth and transformation add depth to the narrative.

Internal Goal: 9

Jojo's internal goal in this scene is to come to terms with the reality of the war and its consequences, particularly in relation to Elsa. His deeper need is to find a sense of redemption and humanity amidst the chaos and destruction.

External Goal: 8

Jojo's external goal is to protect Elsa and ensure her safety in the post-war environment. This reflects the immediate challenge of navigating the uncertain and dangerous circumstances they find themselves in.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8.5

The scene has a high level of emotional and internal conflict, as Jojo and Elsa grapple with their pasts, their identities, and the harsh realities of their situation. The conflict drives the emotional intensity of the scene.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Jojo and Elsa facing internal and external conflicts that challenge their beliefs and relationships. The uncertainty and tension keep the audience engaged and invested in the outcome.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in the scene as Jojo and Elsa confront the aftermath of war, their identities, and the uncertain future ahead. The emotional and moral dilemmas they face heighten the tension and impact of the scene.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by deepening the characters' arcs, revealing new layers of their personalities, and setting the stage for the resolution of their conflicts. It adds depth and complexity to the overall narrative.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in Jojo and Elsa's conversation, challenging the audience's assumptions and revealing new layers of the characters' motivations and conflicts.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the idea of victory and defeat, truth and deception. Jojo's revelation to Elsa challenges her beliefs and forces her to confront the harsh reality of the situation.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9.5

The scene has a profound emotional impact, evoking feelings of sadness, empathy, and reflection. The characters' struggles and the weight of their circumstances resonate deeply with the audience.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue in the scene is poignant, authentic, and impactful, capturing the characters' emotions, conflicts, and the weight of their words. It effectively conveys the themes and tensions of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its emotional intensity, moral complexity, and the dynamic relationship between Jojo and Elsa. The conflict and tension keep the audience invested in the characters' journey and the outcome of their decisions.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotional depth, allowing for moments of reflection and revelation that drive the characters' development and the overall narrative forward.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene adheres to the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings, descriptive action lines, and engaging dialogue that drives the narrative forward. The visual and emotional elements are effectively conveyed through the formatting.

Structure: 9

The scene follows a well-paced and structured format, effectively building tension and emotional depth through the interactions between Jojo and Elsa. The transitions between locations and the progression of the dialogue enhance the overall impact of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the emotional weight of Jojo's internal conflict as he grapples with the implications of the war's end and his relationship with Elsa. The juxtaposition of celebration outside and despair inside creates a poignant contrast that heightens the tension.
  • Elsa's initial excitement about the war being over is palpable and serves as a strong emotional anchor for the scene. However, Jojo's hesitant responses and eventual revelation about Hitler winning the war create a powerful moment of heartbreak, showcasing the harsh reality of their situation.
  • The dialogue is impactful, particularly in how it reveals the characters' differing perspectives on the war's outcome. Jojo's struggle to protect Elsa while also confronting the truth adds depth to his character, but the pacing could be tightened to maintain tension throughout.
  • The physicality of Jojo wearing the army coat serves as a strong visual metaphor for his conflicted identity and the weight of the war's consequences. However, the transition from the external chaos to the intimate setting of Elsa's room could be more fluid to enhance the emotional impact.
  • Elsa's emotional breakdown is a powerful moment, but the dialogue leading up to it could benefit from more subtlety. Instead of directly stating that Jojo is a monster, consider using more nuanced language that reflects her fear and despair without resorting to overt accusations.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more sensory details to the setting to enhance the atmosphere. For example, describe the sounds of celebration outside in more vivid terms to contrast with the somber mood inside the room.
  • Tighten the pacing of the dialogue to maintain a sense of urgency. Shortening some exchanges or adding interruptions could heighten the tension as Jojo struggles to find the right words.
  • Explore Jojo's internal conflict further by incorporating more of his thoughts or hesitations before revealing the truth about the war. This could be done through internal monologue or visual cues that show his emotional turmoil.
  • Enhance the visual storytelling by showing Jojo's actions more vividly, such as how he interacts with the army coat or how he physically positions himself in relation to Elsa as the conversation unfolds.
  • Consider revising Elsa's reaction to Jojo's revelation to reflect a more gradual emotional descent. This could involve her initially holding onto hope before slowly realizing the gravity of the situation, which would make her breakdown feel even more impactful.



Scene 54 -  Lessons in Hatred
INT. SCHOOL - CLASSROOM - DAY

CLOSE UP on a word written on a BLACKBOARD:

MONSTERS!

Jojo sits in a broken down classroom with some other children.
They are being addressed by a woman, a RUSSIAN TEACHER. On the
board behind her are written other words like BEASTS, KILLERS,
EVIL, ANIMALS, DEVILS, INHUMAN, BAD, UGLY...

The teacher speaks in a RUSSIAN ACCENT.

RUSSIAN TEACHER
What else do we know about the German
Nazis? Hmm? They are also HEARTLESS.
(she writes)
Now, you beautiful children are not
like these Germans, you will learn to
be better Germans, ok? More like the
Russians.
(MORE)

RUSSIAN TEACHER (CONT'D)
Because Germans are bad people, they
do very bad things. They have very bad
taste in art and music, they have bad
hearts. Now, you need to learn how to
be better Germans. Who wants to be
better Germans?

A little confused the children tentatively raise their hands.
Jojo looks beside him and sees Adolf Hitler sitting in the seat
next to him, his hand is also raised. He looks to Jojo and
smiles.

ADOLF
(whispering)
I want to be a better German! Pick me!
(looking to Jojo)
Put your hand up! Don’t you want to be
better?

After a beat, Jojo joins in and raises his hand.

RUSSIAN TEACHER
Wunderbarrr! Now. Come and collect
some of these silly old German books.
We’re going to tear them to a million
pieces!

She indicates a large pile of German literature stacked at the
front of the class. She takes a thick book and rips it in half
with her strong Russian hands.
Genres: ["Drama","War"]

Summary In a dilapidated classroom, a Russian teacher indoctrinates children against Germans, urging them to aspire to be 'better Germans' while expressing disdain for their culture. Jojo, the protagonist, is torn between his identity and the pressure to conform, influenced by a personified Adolf Hitler who encourages him to participate. The scene is marked by dark irony as the teacher rips apart a German book, symbolizing the destruction of cultural identity, leaving Jojo in a state of confusion and moral conflict.
Strengths
  • Effective portrayal of indoctrination
  • Strong emotional impact
  • Compelling concept
Weaknesses
  • Potential for the scene to be overly didactic or heavy-handed in its messaging

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys a sense of conflict and sadness through the teacher's words and the children's reactions, setting a serious and dark tone. The educational aspect adds depth to the narrative and enhances the overall impact.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of indoctrination and propaganda in a classroom setting during wartime is compelling and thought-provoking. It raises important questions about education, identity, and manipulation.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene revolves around the indoctrination of German children by a Russian teacher, adding depth to the overall narrative. It contributes to the character development and thematic elements of the story.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh and original take on the theme of indoctrination and propaganda, with a unique setting and dynamic character interactions. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters, especially Jojo and Adolf Hitler, are well-developed and their interactions add layers to the scene. The emotional impact of the teacher's words on the children is effectively portrayed.

Character Changes: 8

The scene showcases a subtle but significant change in Jojo's perspective as he raises his hand to be a 'better German,' indicating a shift in his beliefs and identity.

Internal Goal: 8

Jojo's internal goal is to fit in and please the authority figures around him. This reflects his deeper need for acceptance and validation.

External Goal: 7

Jojo's external goal is to conform to the teacher's expectations and be seen as a 'better German'. This reflects the immediate challenge of navigating the oppressive environment of the classroom.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, as the children grapple with the teacher's words and the manipulation of their beliefs. The emotional conflict adds depth to the narrative.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the teacher's oppressive tactics and the presence of Adolf Hitler creating a sense of conflict and uncertainty. The audience is left wondering how Jojo will navigate the situation.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are high in terms of the children's future beliefs and identities being influenced by propaganda and indoctrination. The emotional stakes are also significant.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by highlighting the impact of indoctrination on the characters and setting up future conflicts and developments.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected presence of Adolf Hitler and the teacher's extreme actions. The audience is left unsure of how the situation will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the teacher's indoctrination of the children with negative stereotypes and propaganda about Germans. This challenges Jojo's beliefs and values, as he is forced to reconcile the teacher's narrative with his own understanding of the world.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking feelings of sadness, conflict, and empathy for the children who are being indoctrinated. The portrayal of propaganda and manipulation adds to the emotional depth.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the themes of indoctrination, conflict, and identity. It adds depth to the characters and enhances the overall impact of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its provocative subject matter, dynamic character interactions, and dark humor. The tension and conflict keep the audience invested in the story.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and suspense, with a gradual escalation of conflict and resolution. The rhythm of the dialogue adds to the scene's impact.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings, character descriptions, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with a well-defined setting, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the effectiveness of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the tension and absurdity of the situation, showcasing the indoctrination of children in a post-war context. The use of the blackboard with negative words about Germans sets a strong visual tone and emphasizes the theme of dehumanization.
  • Jojo's internal conflict is subtly portrayed through his interactions with Adolf Hitler, who represents his indoctrinated beliefs. This dynamic adds depth to Jojo's character, as he grapples with the conflicting messages from the teacher and his imaginary friend.
  • The Russian teacher's exaggerated disdain for Germans serves as a stark contrast to Jojo's previous beliefs, creating a sense of irony. However, the dialogue could benefit from more nuance; while the teacher's disdain is clear, it risks coming off as one-dimensional without exploring the complexities of her character or the broader context of the war.
  • The children's tentative responses to the teacher's questions effectively illustrate their confusion and fear, but the scene could delve deeper into their emotional states. Adding more individual reactions or thoughts from Jojo and his classmates could enhance the emotional weight of the scene.
  • The pacing of the scene is generally good, but the transition from the teacher's harsh words to the children's participation feels abrupt. A moment of hesitation or internal struggle from Jojo before he raises his hand could heighten the tension and reflect his internal conflict more clearly.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of silence or hesitation after the teacher's harsh statements to allow the children, especially Jojo, to process the information before responding. This could enhance the emotional impact of the scene.
  • Introduce a few more children with distinct personalities or reactions to the teacher's words. This could create a richer tapestry of responses and highlight the varying degrees of indoctrination or confusion among the children.
  • Explore the Russian teacher's character further. Perhaps include a line or two that hints at her own trauma or motivations for teaching in such a harsh manner, which could add depth to her character and the scene overall.
  • Incorporate more physical reactions from Jojo and the other children, such as fidgeting, whispering to each other, or exchanging glances. This would help convey their discomfort and confusion more vividly.
  • Consider using more varied sentence structures in the teacher's dialogue to avoid repetition and create a more engaging rhythm. This could help maintain the audience's attention and enhance the overall flow of the scene.



Scene 55 -  A Day of Reckoning
EXT. TOWN SQUARE - FLORIDSDORFER SPITZ - DAY

Jojo walks through the city, he sees some Russian soldiers
busting into a house, looting it. Others are pushing an old
piano out of a window as locals watch on. Gunshots are heard
across the city.

Jojo enters the square where he found his mother. There is some
commotion on the other side of the trees. He walks over and sees
a group of German men and women who have been rounded up by an
angry mob. Temporary police made up of Russians do little as
they are taunted and beaten and spat on.

Among the group being rounded up Jojo sees OFFICER DEERTZ,
FRAULEIN RAHM and also HERR KLENZENDORF, his revamped uniform is
tatters. Jojo’s spying NEIGHBOURS are also with their group,
stumbling around looking desperate. They are all being jostled
about by PARTISANS and LOCALS and Jojo watches as Fraulein Rahm,
his teacher from Hitlerjugend Camp gets dragged from the group.
She looks haggard and tries to break free in panic.


FRAULEIN RAHM
No... I... I was helping them. I was
good to the Jews. Please, someone tell
them, I helped them!

Someone SPITS in her face. Her and FIVE OTHERS are led to a
STONE WALL and lined up. Before we see what happens next Jojo
finds himself carried with the wave of bystanders where he
passes another group of prisoners.

It is here that he meets with Captain Klenzendorf. They make eye-
contact and we see Klenzendorf has been beaten up. Nevertheless,
he gives a nice warm, gentle smile.

JOJO
Captain K.

KLENZENDORF
Heya kid. Look at all this commotion,
huh?

JOJO
What’s going on?

KLENZENDORF
Not much. My dear Finkel is dead.

JOJO
Sorry.

KLENZENDORF
Mm, I was quite fond of him.
(beat, looking round)
Wow, now is not a good time to be
dressed like a Nazi.
(then)
Hey, I’ve been meaning to tell you, I
think your book is really great. I’m
sorry for laughing at it. There’s some
very important stuff in there. You
should publish it.

A PARTISAN with a rifle pulls Jojo forward.

PARTISAN
You know each other?

JOJO
(pointing at Klenzendorf)
Him. Yes.

PARTISAN
How?


Jojo pauses.

PARTISAN (CONT’D)
How do you know him? He is Nazi. A
Nazi yes?

JOJO
No, he’s... He helped...

PARTISAN
Nazi.

JOJO
No, he’s just a...

PARTISAN
(to Klenzendorf)
You know the ugly boy?

A brief moment as Klenzendorf stares at Jojo.

KLENZENDORF
Oh, I’ve seen him round but I don’t
know him. Go away little boy.

PARTISAN
Yeah, go away ugly little gypsy. Scat!

Jojo is pushed back into the crowd, losing sight of Klenzendorf.
Someone calls out a command, indecipherable amongst the cries of
the crazed crowd. As Jojo pushes his way to the back of the mob
we see over the top of the crowd that Klenzendorf and some
others are standing in a line, on a platform. He doesn’t look
back and so doesn’t see all five of them drop out of sight, the
ropes around their necks going tight. All we hear are gasps and
cheers.
Genres: ["Drama","War"]

Summary In a chaotic town square, Jojo navigates the violence as Russian soldiers loot and an angry mob rounds up German captives, including familiar faces like Klenzendorf and Fraulein Rahm. Despite her desperate pleas for mercy, Fraulein Rahm faces hostility, while Klenzendorf, injured yet supportive, shares his sorrow with Jojo. Tensions escalate when a Partisan questions Jojo about Klenzendorf, leading to a grim climax where Jojo witnesses the execution of Klenzendorf and others, leaving him in shock amidst the crowd's mixed reactions.
Strengths
  • Intense emotional impact
  • Effective portrayal of chaos and brutality of war
  • Compelling character interactions
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue may feel forced or cliched
  • Certain character motivations could be further explored

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys the horrors of war and the emotional impact on the characters, particularly Jojo and Captain Klenzendorf. The tension and chaos are palpable, creating a sense of urgency and despair.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of depicting the final stand amidst the chaos of war is compelling and effectively executed. The scene explores themes of loyalty, survival, and the human cost of conflict.

Plot: 8.5

The plot progression in the scene is intense and impactful, moving the story forward while deepening the emotional stakes for the characters. The events unfold organically, driving the narrative towards a climactic moment.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh perspective on the horrors of war through the eyes of a young protagonist, showcasing the complexity of human emotions and moral dilemmas in a time of crisis. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds depth and realism to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters, particularly Jojo and Captain Klenzendorf, are well-developed and their interactions reveal layers of complexity and emotion. Their responses to the chaos around them add depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 8

Jojo undergoes a significant emotional change as he witnesses the brutality of war and grapples with his loyalty to Captain Klenzendorf. The scene deepens his character arc and sets the stage for further development.

Internal Goal: 8

Jojo's internal goal in this scene is to navigate the dangerous and volatile situation he finds himself in while grappling with his beliefs and loyalty to those around him.

External Goal: 7

Jojo's external goal is to survive the escalating violence and chaos in the town square and potentially protect those he cares about.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The level of conflict in the scene is high, with the characters facing physical danger, emotional turmoil, and moral dilemmas. The tension between survival and loyalty drives the narrative forward.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Jojo facing moral dilemmas, external threats, and conflicting loyalties that create uncertainty and tension for the audience.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes in the scene are high, with the characters facing life-threatening danger, moral dilemmas, and emotional turmoil. The outcome of the events will have a significant impact on the characters' lives.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by escalating the conflict, deepening the emotional stakes, and setting up key character dynamics for the resolution. It propels the narrative towards a climactic moment.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting dynamics between characters, the escalating violence, and the moral ambiguity of the choices they face.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the clash between Jojo's indoctrinated beliefs as a Hitler Youth member and the reality of the atrocities happening around him. This challenges his values and worldview as he witnesses the brutality of the war.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, eliciting fear, sadness, and confusion in the characters and the audience. The personal stakes and the brutal reality of war are deeply felt, creating a powerful connection with the viewer.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the characters' emotions and motivations, adding depth to their interactions. The exchanges between Jojo, Captain Klenzendorf, and the Partisan capture the tension and fear of the situation.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it immerses the audience in the chaos and danger of the war-torn setting, creating suspense and emotional stakes for the characters.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the unfolding events.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene adheres to the expected format for its genre, with clear scene descriptions, character actions, and dialogue.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, effectively building tension and conflict while advancing the plot and character development.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the chaos and brutality of the moment, showcasing the consequences of war and the shifting power dynamics. However, the emotional weight could be enhanced by delving deeper into Jojo's internal conflict as he witnesses the violence against familiar figures. His reactions could be more pronounced to reflect the horror and confusion he feels, which would create a stronger emotional connection with the audience.
  • The dialogue between Jojo and Klenzendorf is poignant, but it feels somewhat disconnected from the surrounding chaos. While Klenzendorf's warm demeanor provides a brief moment of levity, it contrasts sharply with the grim situation. This could be an opportunity to explore Klenzendorf's character further, perhaps by having him express more fear or regret about the situation, which would add depth to his character and the scene overall.
  • The use of the crowd as a backdrop is effective in creating tension, but the scene could benefit from more specific visual details that highlight the chaos. For instance, describing the expressions of the bystanders or the sounds of the mob could enhance the atmosphere and immerse the audience further into the setting.
  • The pacing of the scene feels rushed, particularly as Jojo is pushed back into the crowd. Slowing down the moment when Jojo loses sight of Klenzendorf could heighten the tension and allow the audience to fully grasp the gravity of the situation. This could be achieved by lingering on Jojo's perspective as he struggles to maintain his connection to Klenzendorf amidst the chaos.
  • The ending of the scene, where Klenzendorf and others are hanged, is powerful but could be made even more impactful by focusing on Jojo's reaction. Instead of simply showing the gasps and cheers, consider incorporating Jojo's internal thoughts or a visceral reaction to the horror unfolding before him. This would provide a more personal and emotional conclusion to the scene.
Suggestions
  • Enhance Jojo's internal conflict by adding more of his thoughts and feelings as he witnesses the violence, allowing the audience to connect with his emotional turmoil.
  • Deepen Klenzendorf's character by having him express more fear or regret about the situation, which would add complexity to his interactions with Jojo.
  • Incorporate more specific visual details about the crowd and the chaos to create a more immersive atmosphere, such as describing the expressions of bystanders or the sounds of the mob.
  • Slow down the pacing when Jojo loses sight of Klenzendorf to heighten tension and allow the audience to fully grasp the gravity of the situation.
  • Focus on Jojo's reaction to the hanging at the end of the scene, incorporating his internal thoughts or a visceral response to enhance the emotional impact.



Scene 56 -  Reunion by the River
EXT. TOWN - RIVER - DAY

Jojo sits on the banks of the river. He watches the water flow
past him as more gunshots and cheering can be heard in the
distance.

He looks over at the bridge and sees a young couple holding
hands, happy. Coming the opposite way, towards Jojo, is YORKI.
They embrace.

YORKI
Jojo!

JOJO
Yorki! I thought you were surely dead.


YORKI
No, I can never die! I fell in a hole
and luckily I’m a little bit fat so I
got stuck. Anyway, a tank parked over
the top of my hole and then that got
blown up and it was a whole 2 days
before anyone found me.

JOJO
I’m glad they did.

YORKI
Me too. I lost three Pounds!
(then)
Did you hear? About Hitler?

JOJO
What?

YORKI
He’s dead. They say he killed himself.

Jojo stares dead ahead.

JOJO
Bullshit. He wouldn’t.

YORKI
He did. He was in a bunker and the
Russians were all outside and he had
nowhere to run and so he did it. He
just blew his brains out. All over the
wall.

JOJO
He blew his brains out?

YORKI
All over the wall. Brains everywhere.
Betrayed us all. Turns out he was
hiding a lot of stuff from us. Doing
some really bad things behind
everyone’s backs. Especially in the
“constipation camps”.

JOJO
What?

YORKI
I don’t really know the details.
Also... look at this.


He hands Jojo a pile of letters, all addressed to Roswita
Betzler, his mother. Jojo sorts through the mail, opens an
envelope.

YORKI (CONT’D)
There’s a whole section at the post-
office. Did I mention I’m a postman
now? Anyway, there’s a bunch of
letters that were confiscated because
of security stuff but I was snooping
around and I found them.

JOJO
They’re from my father.
(looking up, smiling)
This one is from last week. He’s been
in Switzerland.
(then)
I guess he was a deserter after all.

YORKI
That’s ok, I would have too if I had
known what it was like.

They sit for a moment.

JOJO
Can I come and stay at your place for
a while? Until my dad comes home?

YORKI
Sure. That’s probably a good idea,
they’re sending orphans to Hungary.
That’s bad, I heard Hungarians bathe
in human blood. Dracula’s from
somewhere round there so it makes
sense. Yeah, come and stay. You can be
my brother.

JOJO
I’d like that.
(then)
I’m not alone.
Genres: ["Drama","War"]

Summary Jojo reflects by the river amidst chaos when he reunites with Yorki, who humorously shares his survival story and the shocking news of Hitler's death. They discuss letters revealing Jojo's father is alive in Switzerland, leading Jojo to ask if he can stay with Yorki until his father returns. Their bond deepens as they navigate their fears and find hope in each other's company.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Revelations
  • Character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Lack of immediate physical conflict

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively combines emotional depth, character development, and plot progression, providing crucial revelations while maintaining a somber and reflective tone.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of revealing crucial information about Jojo's father and Hitler's death in a poignant setting by the river is well-executed, adding depth to the characters and the overall narrative.

Plot: 8.5

The plot progresses significantly with the revelations about Jojo's father and Hitler's death, setting the stage for further character development and emotional exploration.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces fresh perspectives on historical events and characters, blending humor with darker themes. The dialogue feels authentic and reveals hidden layers of the characters.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The scene deepens the bond between Jojo and Yorki, showcasing their friendship amidst the turmoil of war. Their interactions reveal layers of their personalities and experiences.

Character Changes: 7

Jojo experiences significant emotional growth and realization in this scene, particularly with the revelations about his father and Hitler's death.

Internal Goal: 8

Jojo's internal goal is to find a sense of belonging and family after learning about his father's actions and Hitler's betrayal. He desires connection and stability in a time of turmoil.

External Goal: 7

Jojo's external goal is to find a safe place to stay until his father returns, avoiding being sent to Hungary.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

While there is an underlying tension due to the war setting, the scene focuses more on emotional revelations and character dynamics rather than intense conflict.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene comes from Jojo's internal struggles and external challenges, creating a sense of uncertainty and conflict.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are high in terms of emotional impact and character development, but the immediate physical danger is not as prominent in this scene.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by revealing crucial information and deepening the emotional and thematic layers of the narrative.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected revelations about Hitler, Jojo's father, and the postman job, keeping the audience on their toes.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict is evident in the discussion about Hitler's betrayal and the moral implications of his actions. It challenges Jojo's beliefs about authority and loyalty.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene carries a high emotional impact, especially with the revelations about Jojo's father and Hitler's death, as well as the poignant moment by the river between Jojo and Yorki.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue effectively conveys the emotional weight of the revelations and the camaraderie between Jojo and Yorki. It adds depth to their characters and the overall scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the dynamic dialogue, emotional depth, and unexpected twists in the characters' interactions.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and emotional resonance, with a balance of dialogue and action.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows standard formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a traditional structure for character interaction and development, with a clear progression of dialogue and actions.


Critique
  • The scene effectively contrasts the chaos and violence of the previous scene with a moment of levity and camaraderie between Jojo and Yorki. This juxtaposition highlights the absurdity of their situation and provides a brief respite from the tension, which is a strong narrative choice.
  • Yorki's humorous recounting of his survival adds a layer of absurdity that fits well within the tone of the film. However, the mention of 'constipation camps' feels out of place and could detract from the gravity of the situation. It risks undermining the emotional weight of the scene, especially given the recent execution of Klenzendorf and others.
  • Jojo's disbelief regarding Hitler's death is a powerful moment that reflects his indoctrination and loyalty to the regime. However, the dialogue could benefit from more emotional depth. Jojo's reaction feels somewhat muted given the context of his previous beliefs and the recent events he has witnessed.
  • The introduction of the letters from Jojo's father serves as a pivotal plot point, revealing new information about his father's status. However, the transition from the heavy emotional weight of the previous scene to this moment feels abrupt. A more gradual shift in tone could enhance the impact of this revelation.
  • The dialogue between Jojo and Yorki is engaging and captures their youthful innocence amidst the horrors of war. However, some lines, such as Yorki's comments about Hungarians bathing in human blood, could be perceived as insensitive or overly comedic given the context. Balancing humor with the seriousness of their situation is crucial.
  • The scene concludes on a hopeful note with Jojo feeling less alone, which is a nice emotional arc. However, it might benefit from a stronger visual or auditory cue to emphasize this shift, such as a change in the background noise or a visual of the river flowing, symbolizing hope and continuity.
Suggestions
  • Consider revising the line about 'constipation camps' to maintain the scene's tone without undermining the gravity of the situation. Perhaps a more subtle reference to the horrors of the regime would be more effective.
  • Enhance Jojo's emotional reaction to Hitler's death by incorporating more internal conflict or a moment of reflection that acknowledges his indoctrination and the recent violence he has witnessed.
  • Introduce the letters from Jojo's father with a more gradual transition, perhaps by having Jojo reflect on his father's absence before Yorki presents the letters, allowing for a deeper emotional connection.
  • Revisit some of the humor in Yorki's dialogue to ensure it aligns with the overall tone of the scene. Aim for a balance that maintains their youthful innocence while respecting the seriousness of their circumstances.
  • Add a visual or auditory element at the end of the scene to emphasize Jojo's newfound sense of hope and connection, reinforcing the emotional arc and providing a strong transition to the next scene.



Scene 57 -  A Sandwich of Hope
INT. JOJO’S HOUSE - INGA’S BEDROOM - DAY

Jojo enters the room wearing a suit that’s too big for him. The
sleeves and pants are rolled up. He places a sandwich on the
floor near Elsa’s door. He takes a piece of paper and facing
Elsa’s wall he reads...


JOJO
I managed to find another letter for
you at the post office. It’s from
Nathan.
(beat, reading)
Dear Elsa, I hope you aren’t too sad
about the result of the war. Oh well.
But it’s not the end of the world.
There are still small areas on Earth
where it’s ok not to be a Nazi so
please stay alive. Thank God you have
your good friend Johannes to look
after you. He really is a fabulous
person, so brave.
(wincing, is this too much?)
Soooo very brave. It is important that
you stay alive and healthy until I
find you. So eat food, including
sandwiches, if there are any. I love
you, Nathan.

Silence. Jojo folds up the letter and puts it in his pocket.
Elsa opens the door again.

ELSA
Hi.

JOJO
Hi.

Pause.

ELSA
He’s dead.

JOJO
Um, pardon?

ELSA
Nathan.
(then)
Last winter. Tuberculosis.

JOJO
But then who wrote this...?

ELSA
(smiling)
Thank you, kind Jojo. You see, I was
right. You are not one of them.
(beat)
How’s it going out there?


JOJO
Okay. How’s it going in there?

ELSA
Fabulous.

JOJO
We’re friends, right?

ELSA
I’m not sure we’re allowed to be,
remember the rules.

JOJO
I know but, I think it’s ok if no one
knows. I don’t mind hanging out with
you.

ELSA
I don’t mind hanging out with you
either.

JOJO
And if we’re friends you trust me,
right?

ELSA
It depends.

JOJO
Well, what if I told you I found a way
to escape Nazi Germany?

ELSA
What do you mean?

JOJO
I’ve found a way for you to be free.

ELSA
Yes, me too. I’m going to kill myself.

JOJO
Exactly. Wait. No! Not that!

ELSA
Jojo, there’s no point in going on.
There is no place for me anymore.

JOJO
Look, it’s like Nathan said in my fake
letter from him. There are still Nazi-
free places. I can make it happen, I
know a secret way out.
(MORE)

JOJO (CONT'D)
But you have to trust me and we can’t
delay. Get your things together, we
leave in an hour.

ELSA
Why don’t we wait till night?

JOJO
Are you crazy? Night is when they
expect us to make a move. Look, I
don’t try and tell you how to do art
or poems, do I? No. So please leave
the escape plans up to me. We’ll be
fine. The key is to blend in.

Elsa picks up the sandwich and takes a bite.

ELSA
You think the suit helps?

Jojo looks at himself. It is pretty ridiculous.
Genres: ["Drama","War"]

Summary In Inga's bedroom, Jojo enters wearing an oversized suit and places a sandwich near Elsa's door. He reads a letter from Nathan, expressing hope for Elsa's survival, only to learn from her that Nathan is dead. As they discuss their friendship and the possibility of escaping Nazi Germany, Jojo insists he has a plan, while Elsa expresses despair and contemplates suicide. Jojo counters her hopelessness with determination, urging her to trust him. The scene concludes with Elsa taking a bite of the sandwich and questioning whether Jojo's suit will help them blend in.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth of characters
  • Intimate dialogue between Jojo and Elsa
  • Tension and urgency in the scene
Weaknesses
  • The comedic elements with the oversized suit may slightly detract from the serious tone of the scene

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys the emotional weight of the characters' circumstances and sets up a pivotal moment in the story with the introduction of the escape plan. The dialogue is poignant and reveals the internal struggles of Jojo and Elsa.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene revolves around the characters' attempt to escape Nazi Germany, highlighting their desperation and the risks they are willing to take. The scene introduces a crucial turning point in the narrative.

Plot: 8.5

The plot of the scene is significant as it introduces a new direction for the characters and raises the stakes of their situation. The escape plan adds complexity to the story and propels the narrative forward.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh approach to the theme of survival in Nazi Germany, with unique character dynamics and unexpected plot twists. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Jojo and Elsa are well-developed in this scene, showcasing their vulnerabilities, fears, and determination. Their dynamic and evolving relationship drives the emotional core of the scene.

Character Changes: 9

Both Jojo and Elsa undergo significant emotional changes in this scene, as they confront their fears, make a bold decision to escape, and reveal their vulnerabilities to each other. Their bond strengthens, leading to personal growth.

Internal Goal: 8

Jojo's internal goal is to prove himself as a good person and gain Elsa's trust. This reflects his deeper need for acceptance and validation, as well as his fear of being seen as a Nazi sympathizer.

External Goal: 9

Jojo's external goal is to help Elsa escape Nazi Germany. This reflects the immediate challenge they are facing and the danger they are in.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, as Jojo and Elsa grapple with their fears, hopes, and the risks of their escape plan. The tension between their desire for freedom and the dangers they face creates a compelling conflict.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting beliefs and motivations driving the characters' actions and decisions.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in this scene as Jojo and Elsa risk their lives to escape Nazi Germany. The consequences of their actions could have profound impacts on their future and the outcome of the story.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by introducing a new plot development with the escape plan, setting the stage for future events and character arcs. It propels the narrative towards a crucial turning point.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected plot twists and character decisions that challenge the audience's expectations.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict is evident in the characters' differing beliefs about survival and hope in a dark world. Jojo believes in finding a way out, while Elsa is resigned to her fate.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking feelings of sadness, anxiety, and empathy for the characters. The poignant moments between Jojo and Elsa resonate with the audience and deepen the emotional connection to the story.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene is impactful, revealing the inner thoughts and conflicts of Jojo and Elsa. The exchanges between the characters are authentic and poignant, adding depth to their relationship.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the high stakes, emotional conflict, and suspenseful dialogue that keeps the audience invested in the characters' fates.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension, revealing key information at strategic moments, and maintaining a sense of urgency.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions that enhance the visual storytelling.

Structure: 9

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear character motivations and a well-paced dialogue that drives the narrative forward.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the emotional weight of Jojo's relationship with Elsa, showcasing their bond amidst the backdrop of despair. The contrast between Jojo's naive optimism and Elsa's grim reality is poignant and highlights the absurdity of their situation.
  • Jojo's reading of Nathan's letter serves as a clever device to convey both hope and the harsh truth of their circumstances. However, the letter's tone feels slightly inconsistent with Nathan's character, as it seems overly optimistic given the context of his death. This could be refined to better reflect the gravity of the situation.
  • Elsa's response to the letter is impactful, but the transition from her initial gratitude to her declaration of wanting to end her life feels abrupt. This could benefit from a more gradual build-up to her despair, allowing the audience to fully grasp the weight of her emotions.
  • The dialogue between Jojo and Elsa is engaging, but some lines could be tightened for clarity and impact. For instance, Jojo's insistence on escaping Nazi Germany could be more compelling if he expressed a deeper understanding of the risks involved, rather than simply stating he has a plan.
  • The humor in Jojo's oversized suit adds a light-hearted touch, but it might overshadow the gravity of the conversation. Balancing the comedic elements with the serious themes of the scene is crucial to maintain the emotional tone.
Suggestions
  • Consider revising Nathan's letter to reflect a more realistic tone that aligns with his character and the situation. Perhaps it could express a sense of urgency or a more somber acknowledgment of the circumstances.
  • Enhance the emotional transition for Elsa by adding a moment of reflection or hesitation before she reveals her desire to end her life. This could deepen the audience's connection to her character and the stakes of the situation.
  • Strengthen Jojo's dialogue about the escape plan by incorporating more specific details or a personal anecdote that illustrates his determination and understanding of the risks involved.
  • Maintain a balance between humor and seriousness by ensuring that Jojo's comedic elements, like the oversized suit, do not detract from the emotional weight of the scene. Consider using the humor to highlight Jojo's innocence rather than as a distraction.
  • Explore the possibility of adding a visual element that emphasizes the contrast between Jojo's oversized suit and the grim reality of their situation, perhaps through a shot that juxtaposes his childlike appearance with the somber atmosphere of the room.



Scene 58 -  Breaking Free
INT. JOJO’S HOUSE - JOJO’S BEDROOM - MOMENTS LATER

Jojo is now dressed in his normal clothes. He checks himself out
in the mirror and tucks in his shirt. Adolf Hitler is standing
behind him.

ADOLF (O.S.)
I’m not sure what’s going on with us.
I mean, what you’re doing right now,
I’m not comfortable with it.

JOJO
I don’t think we should hang out
anymore.

ADOLF
Okayyy, that was out of the blue.

JOJO
I can’t be your friend anymore.

ADOLF
Wow, don’t hold back.

Adolf lights a cigarette. Offers Jojo a drag. Jojo takes the
cigarette and throws it in the opposite direction.

ADOLF (CONT’D)
Very mature.

He lights another.


ADOLF (CONT’D)
I gotta say, I’m pretty disappointed.

JOJO
You lied to me. You lied to everyone
and then you blew your brains out.

ADOLF
(cocky)
Brains are very overrated my friend.

JOJO
You ran away. You’re a coward.

ADOLF
That’s a big accusation young man.
Blowing your brains out is actually a
pretty gutsy thing to do. I’d like to
see you try it.

JOJO
I wouldn’t. And would you mind
explaining the constipation camps?

ADOLF
Constellation camps. We encourage
people to Stargaze.

JOJO
Liar.

ADOLF
Okay, okay, I get it, you wanna go
your own way, maybe start a Fourth
Reich or something. Fine. But you know
what, you let me down too so now we’re
even.

JOJO
Even?! How? I believed in you!

ADOLF
Yeah well, you stopped believing.
What’s more you missed my birthday
which was just last week and you ended
up making friends with that thing
upstairs.

JOJO
That thing is a little girl.

ADOLF
Says who?


JOJO
Says anyone who’s ever met a little
girl before!

ADOLF
Well excuse me for not knowing any
little girls.
(then)
You’re in love with her, aren’t you!

JOJO
Yes, I am.

ADOLF
Admit it!

JOJO
I said yes.

ADOLF
I knew it. Well, she’s too old for
you. You don’t stand a chance.

JOJO
If I were bigger and more agile I’d
kick your damn head off.

Adolf steps backwards, wary, a little scared.

ADOLF
Okay look, I’m sorry things didn’t
work out with us. But y’know, we’re
more alike than you think. I’m still
quite proud of you. Intensely
disappointed but also proud.
(then)
I now like to think of you as my
strange, wayward, ugly son.

JOJO
I’m not your son. I’ve already got a
dad and he’s coming home.

He shakes one of his mother’s letters in Adolf’s face.

ADOLF
(hopeful)
What about having two dads?

JOJO
I just want the one!

Adolf nods, he knows it’s over.


ADOLF
Good luck little Jojo Rabbit. I’ll see
you round the traps.
(then)
Before I go, could I give you a little
bit of advice?

Jojo stares at him for a moment.

JOJO
No. Fuck off, Hitler.

Hitler nods knowingly, as if they are sharing a really deep and
important moment of exquisite understanding... yet obviously
hiding his disappointment. He WINKS at Jojo and saunters off.

Jojo TEARS DOWN the pictures of Hitler from his wall.
Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

Summary In Jojo's bedroom, Jojo confronts his imaginary friend Adolf Hitler, expressing his desire to end their friendship due to Adolf's manipulative behavior and lies. Despite Adolf's sarcastic attempts to downplay the situation, Jojo stands firm, revealing his feelings for a girl and asserting his loyalty to his real father. The confrontation escalates, leading Jojo to tear down Hitler's pictures from his wall, symbolizing his rejection of Adolf's influence and his determination to break free from the past.
Strengths
  • Sharp dialogue
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
Weaknesses
  • Potential tonal shifts
  • Repetitive humor

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene is well-crafted, combining humor with a poignant moment of character growth for Jojo. The dialogue is sharp and impactful, revealing the internal conflict Jojo is facing.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of Jojo confronting his imaginary friend, Adolf Hitler, is a compelling exploration of his growth and self-realization. It adds depth to Jojo's character and drives the narrative forward.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene focuses on Jojo's decision to break away from his past beliefs and embrace a new path. It serves as a pivotal moment in his character arc.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh and original take on the coming-of-age genre, exploring complex themes through the lens of a child's imagination. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and compelling.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Jojo and Adolf Hitler are well-developed in this scene, with Jojo showing growth and determination, while Adolf represents Jojo's internal struggles and doubts. Their dynamic adds depth to the narrative.

Character Changes: 9

Jojo undergoes a significant character change in this scene, as he decides to break away from his past beliefs and embrace a new perspective. This moment marks a turning point in his development.

Internal Goal: 8

Jojo's internal goal in this scene is to break free from his imaginary friendship with Hitler and assert his own identity and values. This reflects his deeper need for independence and moral clarity.

External Goal: 7

Jojo's external goal in this scene is to confront Hitler and reject his influence, symbolizing his rejection of Nazi ideology and embracing his own beliefs.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, as Jojo grapples with his beliefs and confronts his imaginary friend. The tension between the characters drives the emotional impact of the scene.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Jojo and Hitler engaging in a battle of wills and ideologies. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how the conflict will unfold.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are high for Jojo in this scene, as he confronts his imaginary friend and makes a crucial decision about his future. The emotional weight of the moment adds to the stakes.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by resolving Jojo's internal conflict and setting him on a new path. It paves the way for the final act of the narrative.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting power dynamics between Jojo and Hitler, leading to surprising revelations and emotional moments.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between Jojo's growing moral awareness and Hitler's manipulative influence. It challenges Jojo's beliefs and values, forcing him to confront the reality of his imaginary friend's true nature.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, as Jojo confronts his inner demons and makes a significant decision to move forward. The audience is drawn into Jojo's emotional journey.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue in the scene is sharp, witty, and emotionally charged. It effectively conveys the conflict between Jojo and Adolf Hitler, as well as Jojo's internal turmoil.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its dynamic dialogue, emotional depth, and unexpected twists. The conflict between Jojo and Hitler keeps the audience invested in the characters' journey.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, balancing moments of tension and reflection to create a compelling narrative flow. The rhythm enhances the emotional impact of key moments.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to the expected format for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and dialogue formatting. It enhances the readability and impact of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with well-defined character arcs and conflicts. The pacing and rhythm contribute to its effectiveness, building tension and emotional resonance.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures Jojo's internal conflict and growth as he confronts his imaginary friend Adolf Hitler. The dialogue is sharp and reflects Jojo's disillusionment with the ideologies he once embraced, showcasing a significant character arc.
  • The use of humor in the dialogue, particularly through Adolf's sarcastic remarks, adds a layer of absurdity to the serious themes of the scene. However, the balance between humor and the gravity of the situation could be refined to ensure that the emotional weight of Jojo's rejection is fully felt.
  • Jojo's rejection of Adolf is a pivotal moment, symbolizing his break from the toxic ideologies he has been indoctrinated with. The emotional stakes could be heightened by exploring Jojo's feelings of betrayal and loss more deeply, perhaps through a brief internal monologue or a moment of reflection before he tears down the pictures.
  • The pacing of the scene is generally good, but some exchanges feel slightly rushed, particularly Jojo's final declaration of wanting only one father. This moment could benefit from a pause or a more dramatic emphasis to allow the audience to absorb the significance of his choice.
  • The visual imagery of Jojo tearing down Hitler's pictures is powerful, but it could be enhanced by incorporating more sensory details, such as the sound of the paper ripping or Jojo's physicality as he performs the action, to create a more visceral impact.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment of silence or a reflective pause after Jojo's declaration of wanting only one father to emphasize the emotional weight of his decision.
  • Explore Jojo's feelings of betrayal and loss more deeply by including a brief internal monologue or a visual flashback to moments when he idolized Hitler, contrasting with his current feelings.
  • Refine the balance between humor and seriousness by ensuring that Adolf's jokes do not undermine the emotional stakes of Jojo's rejection. This could involve toning down some of the more flippant remarks.
  • Enhance the sensory details in the scene, particularly during the moment Jojo tears down the pictures, to create a more immersive experience for the audience.
  • Consider having Jojo express a final thought or feeling about his relationship with Adolf before he tears down the pictures, providing closure to that part of his journey.



Scene 59 -  A Step into Adventure
INT. JOJO’S HOUSE - DAY

Jojo leads Elsa along the hall. Her hair is washed, she wears
clean clothes and holds Inga’s papers. They head down the
stairs. Elsa catches a glimpse into Jojo’s room and sees all of
her drawings on his wall. She hides a small smile and takes Jojo
by the hand.

He smiles, takes a breath and leads her carefully along the
hall, past the various rooms of the house. Pausing now and then
along the way, Jojo takes the time to savour his hand-holding
session with Elsa.

They reach the front door. Jojo looks down and notices
something. He bends down and does up Elsa’s shoelaces. It is
slow-going but he succeeds. He stands.

JOJO
(whispering)
Ready?

Elsa nods.

ELSA
Is it dangerous?

He smiles wide.

JOJO
Extremely.

Jojo WINKS a PERFECT WINK at Elsa, she takes a deep breath and
Jojo opens the door. Light fills the entrance to the house. They
step outside...
Genres: ["Drama","War"]

Summary Jojo guides Elsa through his house, showcasing his drawings and sharing a tender moment as he ties her shoelaces. Their playful exchange eases Elsa's apprehension about the outside world, highlighting Jojo's protective nature. As they prepare to step outside, the scene captures their budding connection and the hopeful anticipation of their adventure together.
Strengths
  • Intimate character development
  • Emotional depth
  • Hopeful tone
Weaknesses
  • Limited external conflict
  • Moderate stakes

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys a mix of emotions, sets up a hopeful tone, and advances the relationship between Jojo and Elsa, providing a pivotal moment in their character development.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of showcasing a moment of connection and hope in the midst of war is compelling and well-executed, adding depth to the characters and advancing the overall narrative.

Plot: 8

The scene contributes to the plot by developing the relationship between Jojo and Elsa, adding layers to their characters, and setting up potential future conflicts and resolutions.

Originality: 9

The scene is original in its portrayal of a tender moment between two characters in a domestic setting. The dialogue and actions feel authentic and contribute to the emotional depth of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The scene focuses on Jojo and Elsa, allowing for their personalities to shine through, showcasing their vulnerabilities, strengths, and the evolution of their relationship.

Character Changes: 8

Both Jojo and Elsa experience growth and development in the scene, deepening their bond and setting the stage for future character arcs.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to protect and care for Elsa. This reflects Jojo's deeper need for connection and compassion, as well as his fear of losing someone he cares about.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to take Elsa outside, despite the potential danger. This reflects the immediate challenge of navigating the outside world with Elsa.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

While there is an underlying sense of danger and uncertainty, the primary focus of the scene is on the emotional connection between Jojo and Elsa, rather than external conflicts.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create tension and uncertainty, as Jojo and Elsa face the unknown dangers of the outside world.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes are moderate in the scene, with a sense of danger and uncertainty present, but the focus is more on the emotional connection between Jojo and Elsa.

Story Forward: 7

While the scene primarily focuses on character development, it also hints at potential future plot developments and conflicts, moving the story forward in a subtle yet significant way.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it introduces the potential danger of the outside world, adding tension and uncertainty to the characters' actions.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

There is a philosophical conflict between the safety of staying inside and the excitement of exploring the outside world. This challenges Jojo's beliefs about risk-taking and protection.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes a strong emotional response from the audience, drawing them into the intimate moment between Jojo and Elsa and highlighting their resilience and determination.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue is intimate and meaningful, reflecting the emotions and thoughts of Jojo and Elsa, enhancing the connection between the characters.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it creates a sense of intimacy and tension between the characters, drawing the audience into their relationship and the potential danger they face.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a gradual build-up of tension and emotion leading to the climactic moment of stepping outside.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and easy to follow, with concise descriptions and dialogue that flows naturally.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for a character-driven, intimate moment in a screenplay. It effectively builds tension and emotion.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures a moment of tenderness and connection between Jojo and Elsa, showcasing Jojo's growth and his desire to protect her. The imagery of Jojo tying Elsa's shoelaces is a powerful metaphor for his commitment to her safety and their bond.
  • The dialogue is minimal but impactful, allowing the visuals and actions to convey the emotional weight of the moment. Jojo's whisper and Elsa's nod create an intimate atmosphere that enhances the tension of their situation.
  • The contrast between the lightheartedness of tying shoelaces and the underlying danger they face adds depth to the scene. Jojo's confident wink juxtaposed with Elsa's concern about danger highlights their differing perspectives on the situation.
  • However, the scene could benefit from a stronger sense of urgency or stakes. While the moment is sweet, the audience may need a clearer reminder of the dangers they are facing outside to heighten the tension and emotional impact.
  • The transition from the previous scene, where Jojo tears down Hitler's pictures, is significant but could be more explicitly connected to this moment. A brief reflection from Jojo about his newfound freedom or the weight of his past could enhance the emotional resonance.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a line of internal monologue or a brief exchange that reflects Jojo's thoughts on the danger they are about to face, reinforcing the stakes of their situation.
  • Incorporate a visual cue or sound from outside that hints at the chaos or danger awaiting them, creating a more palpable tension as they prepare to step outside.
  • Explore the possibility of Jojo sharing a brief memory or thought about his mother or sister before they leave, which could deepen the emotional stakes and connect the moment to his past.
  • Enhance the physicality of the scene by describing Jojo's nervousness or excitement more vividly, perhaps through his body language or facial expressions, to make the moment feel more dynamic.
  • Consider ending the scene with a more dramatic visual or auditory cue as they step outside, such as the sound of distant explosions or the sight of soldiers, to immediately ground the audience in the reality of their situation.



Scene 60 -  A Moment of Triumph
EXT. JOJO’S HOUSE - CONTINUOUS

Jojo and Elsa stand on the front steps of the house. Elsa looks
at Jojo and then back out to the street. Yorki sits nearby, he
waves, smiling.

On the opposite corner we see a couple of British soldiers
crossing the road talking casually, in ENGLISH. An AMERICAN and
RUSSIAN FLAG can be seen hanging from a building in the
distance.

Realising what is going on, Elsa drops her bag. Jojo shuffles
his feet nervously. After a while, he does a small fist pump.

JOJO
Yes...
(then)
We made it.

Long pause.

The silence is cut by David Bowie’s “HEROES” and we FADE OUT.


SUPER:

Let everything happen to you,
Beauty and Terror,
Just keep going,
No feeling is final.
RILKE

END.
Genres: ["Drama","War","Historical"]

Summary On the front steps of Jojo's house, Jojo and Elsa witness British soldiers crossing the street, marking a significant moment of transition. Elsa drops her bag in concern, while Jojo expresses excitement and relief, feeling a sense of victory. Yorki supports them with a cheerful demeanor. The scene, underscored by David Bowie's 'HEROES,' captures a mix of relief, triumph, and nostalgia as they realize they have made it through a challenging situation, ending on a hopeful note.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Resolution of conflicts
  • Hopeful tone
Weaknesses
  • Limited external conflict
  • Some dialogue could be more impactful

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys a range of emotions and themes, with strong character development and a poignant resolution. The use of music and visual cues enhances the overall impact.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of finding hope and resilience in the aftermath of war is compelling and well-developed. The scene effectively explores themes of loss, redemption, and new beginnings.

Plot: 8

The plot progresses smoothly, focusing on the characters' emotional journey and the resolution of their conflicts. The scene moves the story forward while providing closure to key storylines.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces fresh elements such as the mix of different nationalities and the use of music to convey emotion. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and add to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters show growth and resilience, with Jojo and Elsa facing their pasts and embracing a new future. Their interactions are heartfelt and authentic, adding depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 8

Both Jojo and Elsa undergo significant changes in the scene, confronting their pasts and embracing a new future. Their growth and resilience are central to the emotional impact of the scene.

Internal Goal: 8

Jojo's internal goal is to prove himself and feel a sense of accomplishment. This reflects his deeper need for validation and acceptance.

External Goal: 7.5

Jojo's external goal is to survive and navigate the challenges of the war. This reflects the immediate circumstances and dangers he faces.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 5

While there is a sense of conflict in the characters' past experiences and inner struggles, the scene focuses more on resolution and closure. The external conflict is minimal, allowing for introspection and growth.

Opposition: 7.5

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create tension and conflict, keeping the audience engaged and unsure of the outcome.

High Stakes: 6

While the stakes are not as high in this scene compared to earlier moments in the screenplay, the emotional stakes for the characters are significant. The resolution of their conflicts and the hope for a better future add depth to the scene.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by providing closure to key storylines and setting the stage for the characters' new beginning. It resolves conflicts and paves the way for a hopeful future.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists and turns, such as Elsa dropping her bag and Jojo's nervous behavior. The audience is kept on their toes, unsure of what will happen next.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict is evident in the clash of different nationalities and ideologies in the scene. This challenges Jojo's beliefs and values as he navigates the complexities of war.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes a strong emotional response from the audience, blending sadness, relief, and resilience in a poignant way. The characters' journey is deeply moving and leaves a lasting impact.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue is poignant and reflective, capturing the characters' emotions and inner struggles. It enhances the overall tone of the scene and conveys important themes.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the mix of tension, humor, and emotional depth. The characters' actions and dialogue draw the audience in and create a sense of anticipation.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a good balance of action, dialogue, and pauses. The rhythm contributes to the emotional impact and effectiveness of the scene.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings, action lines, and dialogue. The formatting enhances the readability and flow of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm contribute to its effectiveness.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures a moment of triumph and relief for Jojo and Elsa, marking a significant turning point in their journey. However, the emotional weight could be enhanced by adding more internal conflict or dialogue that reflects Jojo's mixed feelings about the war's end and the implications for his identity.
  • The use of David Bowie's 'HEROES' is a strong choice, as it underscores the themes of resilience and hope. However, the transition into the music feels abrupt. A gradual build-up to the song could create a more powerful emotional impact, allowing the audience to fully absorb the moment before the music swells.
  • The visual elements, such as the British soldiers and the flags, effectively symbolize the shift in power and the end of the conflict. However, the scene could benefit from more sensory details—sounds, smells, or even the atmosphere of the street—to immerse the audience further in the moment.
  • Jojo's small fist pump is a nice touch, showcasing his youthful exuberance. However, it might be more impactful if this action were accompanied by a brief moment of eye contact or a shared smile with Elsa, reinforcing their bond and the significance of their survival together.
  • The final quote from Rilke is poignant and thematically relevant, but it may feel disconnected from the preceding action. A brief moment of reflection from Jojo or Elsa, perhaps a line of dialogue or a shared glance, could help bridge the emotional gap between the scene's climax and the philosophical quote.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a line of dialogue from Jojo or Elsa that expresses their feelings about the war's end, which could deepen the emotional resonance of the moment.
  • Introduce a moment of hesitation or fear before Jojo's fist pump, reflecting the uncertainty of their future, which could add complexity to the scene.
  • Enhance the sensory details in the scene to create a more vivid atmosphere, such as describing the sounds of the soldiers or the feeling of the breeze, to draw the audience into the moment.
  • Include a shared look or gesture between Jojo and Elsa after the fist pump to emphasize their connection and the significance of their survival together.
  • Consider a smoother transition into the music, perhaps by having Jojo or Elsa hum a few notes before the song begins, creating a more organic flow into the emotional climax.