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Scene 1 - Janet(s)

Overall: 8.0
Concept: 9
Plot: 7
Characters: 9
Dialogue: 9

“Janet(s)”
Episode #310

Written by
Josh Siegal
&
Dylan Morgan

Directed by
Morgan Sackett

GREEN PAGES 7/26/18
PINK PAGES 7/2/18
BLUE PAGES 6/28/18
SHOOTING DRAFT 6/27/18
Script #309
Copyright 2018 UNIVERSAL TELEVISION
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. NOT TO BE DUPLICATED WITHOUT PERMISSION.

This material is the property of OPEN 4 BUSINESS LLC and is intended solely for use by its
personnel. The sale, copying, reproduction or exploitation of this material in any form is
prohibited. Distribution or disclosure of this material to unauthorized persons is
prohibited.
The Good Place “Janet(s)” [310] 1. (C/O)
Shooting Draft (GREEN Rev.) 7/26/18

COLD OPEN

1001 INT. JANET’S VOID - INDETERMINATE TIME (D1) 1001

AN INFINITE WHITE SPACE. Then: MICHAEL and JANET POP INTO
IT! Michael takes it in -- relieved, giddy, out of breath.

MICHAEL
Janet... you did it! You brought us into
your void! Wow. If I had a heart it
would be pounding!

JANET
Michael...?

MICHAEL
You’d think there’d be some side effects,
but I feel fine! How’s my hair? Still
amazing?

JANET
There may have been a couple of side
effects for the humans.

Michael looks over --

MICHAEL
...Huh.

REVEAL: ELEANOR, CHIDI, TAHANI and JASON... all look like
FOUR IDENTICAL JANETS.

Michael, at a loss, just stares.

ELEANOR-JANET
Dude. Why are there so many Janets? And
why do I sound like Janet?

CHIDI-JANET
You also look like Janet. Do I? Why?!
What? What is happening?

TAHANI-JANET
(realizing, terrified)
Oh no. Am I... wearing a vest?!
Michael, help me!

MICHAEL
This is gonna be tricky. How are we even
going to tell them apart?!

One of the Janets is playing with (or pointing to) her own boobs.

(CONTINUED)
The Good Place “Janet(s)” [310] 2. (C/O)
Shooting Draft (GREEN Rev.) 7/26/18
1001 CONTINUED: 1001

MICHAEL (CONT’D)
...Okay, so that one is Jason.

JASON-JANET
This is exactly what I always thought
heaven would be.
(giddy)
Guys! We made it to The Good Place!

END OF COLD OPEN
The Good Place “Janet(s)” [310] 3. (I)
Shooting Draft (GREEN Rev.) 7/26/18

ACT ONE

Genres: ["Comedy","Fantasy"]

Summary Michael and Janet attempt to bring Eleanor, Chidi, Tahani, and Jason into Janet's void, but it goes awry and they all turn into identical Janets

Strengths "Strong comedic moments, unique concept, diverse and well-developed characters"

Weaknesses "Lacklustre setting, low stakes"

Critique Overall, the scene shows promise and demonstrates the potential for comedic moments. The concept of multiple Janets and the confusion that ensues is a strong premise for humor. However, there are a few areas that could use improvement in terms of clarity and structure.

Firstly, the action lines could use more specific detail in certain moments, particularly with regards to character movements and reactions. For instance, when Michael is taking in the void, it would be helpful to describe his physical reactions in more detail to better convey his emotions. Similarly, when the Janets are reacting to their new appearances, their physical reactions could be described in more detail to heighten the comedic impact of the scene.

Additionally, the dialogue could benefit from more specificity in certain areas. For example, when Tahani realizes she might be wearing a vest, it would be more effective to describe the vest in more detail, such as its color or style, to further highlight the absurdity of the situation.

Overall, the scene has a lot of comedic potential, but with some refinement of the specific details and clearer actions, it could be even stronger.

Suggestions As a screenwriting expert, my suggestion to improve this scene would be to add more physical action and visual cues to help differentiate the characters and their confusion when they all look like Janet. Perhaps instead of just one Janet playing with her own boobs, each character could have a distinct physical tick or movement that shows their individuality despite their appearance. Additionally, adding more humor and comedic moments could help make the scene more engaging and memorable. Finally, considering ways to heighten the stakes or conflict in the scene could make it more impactful and drive the story forward.

Scene 2 - Janet's Void

Overall: 7.0
Concept: 7
Plot: 8
Characters: 7
Dialogue: 8

1002 INT. JANET’S VOID - MOMENTS LATER (D1) 1002

Janet (the actual one) approaches Michael.

JANET
I can’t put the humans back in their own
bodies, so I’ve done the next best -- but
still not that great -- thing!

REVEAL: they’re still Janet, but are now dressed in their own
outfits. Tahani-Janet checks out her dress, unimpressed.

TAHANI-JANET
I suppose this outfit will do.

ELEANOR-JANET
(sarcastic)
Are you sure? I mean, wearing a floral
print to an infinite void, at this time
of the nothing?!

CHIDI-JANET
So, where are we, exactly? We’re not on
Earth, right?

JANET
That’s correct, Chidi-Janet, you’re not.
Your real bodies dematerialized when you
entered my void, and your essences
reconstituted themselves in this form.

CHIDI-JANET
Cool, cool. And when you say “void”...?

JANET
I mean a subdimension outside of space
and time, at the nexus of consciousness
and matter, tethered to my essence. Does
that help?

CHIDI-JANET
It does not help. Makes it way worse. I
just wanna lie down.
(freaking out)
Where is down?!

Reveal Jason-Janet is UPSIDE-DOWN, above them.

JASON-JANET
I found it! It’s up here.

(CONTINUED)
The Good Place “Janet(s)” [310] 4. (I)
Shooting Draft (GREEN Rev.) 7/26/18
1002 CONTINUED: 1002

JANET
Here you go:

She BLOOPS in a LIVING ROOM SET. Chidi-Janet lies down.

MICHAEL
Okay: Janet's void has a back door to the
Janet Warehouse in the Neutral Zone, which
is right near Accounting. You four will
stay here while Actual Janet and I sneak
through it and find the Head Accountant.

TAHANI-JANET
Why can’t we go with you?

JANET
The void is the only place you’re safe.
You just “died,” which means you’re the
first humans in history to not immediately
go to the Good or Bad Place, which in turn
makes you interdimensional fugitives.

MICHAEL
Also the Judge is probably still pissed
at me, for, you know, breaking all the
rules, and she might take it out on you.
Plus the Bad Place is probably hunting
for us. So, literally the entire
universe is against you.

ELEANOR-JANET
...Okay, but what’s a fourth really good
reason?
(off everyone’s silence)
Just trying to lighten the mood. Jeez.
Tough void.

MICHAEL
Janet and I will pose as Good Place
employees, and sweet-talk the Accountant
into showing us his books. If I’m right,
we’ll find proof that the Bad Place is
tampering with the points system. The
Accountant will tell us what to do, and
this will all be over.
(reassuring)
We're almost at the end, guys. Just stay
here and keep Janets’ heads on straight.

JANET
But if they do fall off, you can just
screw them right back on. You just sort
of push down and turn. You’ll hear a
“click.” Okay bye!
(CONTINUED)
The Good Place “Janet(s)” [310] 5. (I)
Shooting Draft (GREEN Rev.) 7/26/18
1002 CONTINUED: (2) 1002

Michael and Janet disappear.

1003 INT. ACCOUNTANT’S OFFICE - RECEPTION - MOMENTS LATER (D1) 1003

Michael and Janet are waiting in a reception area. A NEUTRAL
JANET is there behind a desk. She has a thousand-yard stare.

MICHAEL
(aside, to Janet)
Is that a Good Janet or Bad Janet?

JANET
It’s Neutral Janet. She’s kind of the
Black Sheep of the Janet world. Or, the
blank sheep, I guess.
(excited)
Ooh, I can throw shade now! That’s cool!

They approach her.

NEUTRAL JANET
You have arrived at the accounting
office. All point calculations for
actions taken on Earth are made here.
End of conversation.

MICHAEL
My name is Michael. I need to speak with
the Head Accountant, on official Good
Place business.

NEUTRAL JANET
I will inform the head accountant of your
presence, and he either will or will not
see you in a certain amount of time, end
of conversation.

Michael notices a poster on the wall of Eleanor, Chidi,
Tahani, and Jason. It says “Wanted for Processing.”

MICHAEL
(aside)
Good thing your “void” plan worked out,
huh?

Janet tries to answer, but lets out a very long burp. As it
continues, it begins to sound auto-tuned.

JANET
Burrrrrrrrrrrrrr-eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee--ieve
in life after love?

Janet covers her mouth, embarrassed.

(CONTINUED)
The Good Place “Janet(s)” [310] 6. (I)
Shooting Draft (GREEN Rev.) 7/26/18
1003 CONTINUED: 1003

JANET (CONT’D)
Having four humans in my void is weird!

Genres: ["comedy","fantasy"]

Summary Michael and Janet turn the humans into identical Janets, dress them in their own outfits, and bring them to Janet's void. Janet explains that they can't go back to their bodies, but they can go to the Neutral Zone to find proof that the Bad Place is tampering with the points system. Michael and Janet leave to find the Head Accountant, leaving the humans in Janet's void.

Strengths "The humor and lightness of the scene make it enjoyable to watch. The concept of Janet's void as a place of safety is interesting and adds to the worldbuilding of the show."

Weaknesses "The scene doesn't have much emotional impact and the conflict level is low."

Critique Overall, the scene is well-written and engaging. The dialogue is witty and humorous, keeping the audience entertained while also setting up the plot for the rest of the episode. The use of different versions of Janet adds an extra layer of complexity and humor to the scene.

One area for improvement could be the introduction of Neutral Janet. While her character is interesting, her presence and purpose in the scene do not add much to the overall plot. This could have been a missed opportunity to introduce a more integral character or plot point.

Overall, the scene effectively balances humor and exposition to move the plot forward and keep the audience engaged.

Suggestions Some suggestions for improving this scene could include:

1. Add more action and visual elements to keep the scene engaging and interesting to watch. For example, when Janet says "they're still Janet, but are now dressed in their own outfits," show the characters physically changing into their new outfits.

2. Consider cutting down some of the dialogue and making it more concise to avoid the scene feeling too slow-paced or wordy.

3. Utilize the setting and environment of the void more to add more unique and fantastical elements to the scene. Perhaps there could be strange creatures or objects in the background that add to the surreal atmosphere.

4. Give each character a clear and unique objective or goal in the scene to help further the plot and provide more conflict or tension. Right now, there is mostly exposition and setup for the rest of the story.

5. Consider adding more humor or comedic moments to keep the scene from feeling too heavy or serious. The humor in the scene could help to establish the characters' personalities and provide some levity in an otherwise fantastical and surreal setting.

Scene 3 - Lost in Janet's Void

Overall: 8.0
Concept: 9
Plot: 7
Characters: 8
Dialogue: 8

1004 INT. JANET'S VOID - A LITTLE LATER (D1) 1004

Chidi-Janet is pacing, continuing to freak out.

CHIDI-JANET
This is nuts. We’re in a void, in the
body of a white lady --

ELEANOR-JANET TAHANI-JANET
Not a lady. Not a lady, darling.

JASON-JANET
But we are white! Let’s all say white
things:
(just announcing things)
“Billy Joel!” “Mild salsa, please!”
“There was nowhere to park!” “Did you
refill the Brita?”

TAHANI-JANET
I find this void quite calming, actually.
It’s like: this time, the Xanax took me.

CHIDI-JANET
I have the worst stomachache. Sorry --
(sarcastic hand quotes)
-- “I” “have” a “stomach” “ache???”

ELEANOR-JANET
Dude, relax. Here... let's see if I can
figure this out...

BLOOP! ELEANOR-JANET creates a cute PUPPY.

CHIDI-JANET
(delighted)
Oh, wow. Eleanor, how’d you do that?

ELEANOR-JANET
(shrugs)
I dunno. We’re Janet now. That’s what
Janet does.

ACTUAL JANET pops in.

JANET
What just happened?! What did you do?!

ELEANOR-JANET
Sorry! I was just trying to help Chidi
calm down by conjuring up --
(CONTINUED)
The Good Place “Janet(s)” [310] 7. (I)
Shooting Draft (GREEN Rev.) 7/26/18
1004 CONTINUED: 1004

JANET
(noticing, cute voice)
Awww, puppy! Cuuuute!
(then, serious)
But: the structural integrity of this
void is already at risk, you can’t start
randomly conjuring up objects.
(cute voice; petting puppy)
Because it might shatter the void! Yes
it might! It might blow up everything
and we’ll all disappear forever!
(serious voice)
So stop it.

Janet disappears --

1005 INT. ACCOUNTANT'S OFFICE - RECEPTION - CONTINUOUS (D1) 1005

-- and pops back into the Accountant’s office.

MICHAEL
Everything okay?

JANET
Nope!

NEUTRAL JANET
The Head Accountant has decided to see
you, this will happen now, end of
conversation.

1006 INT. ACCOUNTANT’S OFFICE - BULLPEN (D1) 1006

The Head Accountant, NEIL, approaches -- a congenial fellow
who just goddamn loves being an accountant. He’s sipping
from a mug that says Existence’s Best Boss.

NEIL
Hey-oh! There they are! So sorry to
keep you waiting. I’m Neil, the Head
Accountant. You must be Michael and
Janet -- I really depreciate you coming.
(chuckles)
Just a little accounting humor. What can
I do for you?

MICHAEL
Well, it’s sort of a long story. But I’m
concerned about certain... anomalies, in
the points system. I’m worried that
somehow, the Bad Place has been tampering.

(CONTINUED)
The Good Place “Janet(s)” [310] 8. (I)
Shooting Draft (GREEN Rev.) 7/26/18
1006 CONTINUED: 1006

NEIL
Tampering? No no no. Quite impossible.
Laughable, really. Janet -- remind me to
laugh about that later?

NEUTRAL JANET
Your amusement has been scheduled, end of
conversation.

NEIL
(rolling his eyes)
She’s a lot of fun.

MICHAEL
Could you just humor us? Show us how the
system works?

NEIL
Ehhhhhhhhhh... I suppose I can give you a
quick tour. We don’t get many visitors.
Follow me.

As they go...

NEIL (CONT’D)
Love your suit, by the way. Sharp.

MICHAEL
Oh... and I like your tie.

NEIL
Thank you! It’s impossible to remove.

Genres: ["comedy","fantasy"]

Summary The group is transformed into identical Janets but can't tell each other apart. They must stay in the void and cannot go back to their own bodies. They decide to go to the Neutral Zone to find proof that the Bad Place is tampering with the points system. Michael and Janet leave to find the Head Accountant.

Strengths "The humor and whimsy of the scene keep the audience entertained and adds to the show's unique charm."

Weaknesses "The scene is mostly expository and doesn't develop the characters or advance the plot significantly. The stakes aren't high enough to hold the audience's attention."

Critique Overall, this scene has witty dialogue and shows good character development, with each of the characters' personalities shining through their reactions to being in Janet's void. However, at times it feels like the characters are simply providing comedic relief rather than contributing to the plot. The introduction of the puppy and Janet's reaction to it feels like a diverting moment rather than a crucial step in the story. Additionally, while the dialogue is snappy, it occasionally feels like the characters are talking over each other and the lines could be tightened up to make the scene flow more smoothly.

Suggestions One suggestion would be to tighten up the dialogue to make it more concise and impactful. Cut out any unnecessary lines or repetition to keep the scene moving forward and the audience engaged. Also, consider adding more visual elements or action to the scene to break up the dialogue and add some variety to the pacing. Finally, make sure the dialogue is true to the characters and their personalities - ensure each character has a distinct voice and doesn't blend together.

Scene 4 - The Void and the Accountant

Overall: 8.0
Concept: 8
Plot: 7
Characters: 7
Dialogue: 8

1007 INT. JANET'S VOID - LATER (D1) 1007

Chidi-Janet and Eleanor-Janet.

CHIDI-JANET
How’d you know I always wanted a dog like
this?

ELEANOR-JANET
Funny story: it’s one of the things I saw
in the alternate timeline where we were
soulmates on and off for 300 years.
(beat)
Maybe... we should talk about that?

CHIDI-JANET
Well, I suppose we can, but there’s not
that much to talk about. The things you
saw weren’t part of my life, so they
didn’t happen to me.

(CONTINUED)
The Good Place “Janet(s)” [310] 9. (I)
Shooting Draft (GREEN Rev.) 7/26/18
1007 CONTINUED: 1007

ELEANOR-JANET
...The hell are you talking about, man?
Of course it was you. I saw it.

CHIDI-JANET
Well, it was a Chidi, sure, but it wasn’t
(points to himself)
me Chidi. This is a classic
philosophical question: the concept of
“the self,” or “who we are.” Philo-
sophically speaking, there’s the Chidi I
am, who lived a certain life, and there’s
the Chidi you saw -- your soulmate, or
whatever -- who had some entirely
different life. Not the same Chidis.

ELEANOR-JANET
Ohhhhh. Okay. Cool. Counterpoint:
that’s the dumbest thing you’ve ever
said, and you do not deserve a puppy
right now! I’m un-blooping your puppy!

She tries to un-bloop the puppy -- but accidentally keeps
blooping MORE AND MORE PUPPIES into existence.

ELEANOR-JANET (CONT’D)
Gah! This is getting cuter and I want it
to get less cute!

END OF ACT ONE
The Good Place “Janet(s)” [310] 10. (II)
Shooting Draft (GREEN Rev.) 7/26/18

ACT TWO

1008 INT. ACCOUNTANT’S OFFICE - BULLPEN - LATER (D1) 1008

Michael and Janet follow Neil past other ACCOUNTANTS, working
at desks. Janet looks a little out of it.

NEIL
Morning Greg! Hey there, Kioko -- TGI-7,
am I right?

Neil stops at a huge monitor with constantly scrolling text.

NEIL (CONT’D)
So! This is the main feed. Every single
action, by every single human on Earth,
is recorded, and sent here to be assigned
a point value based on the absolute moral
worth of that action. I shouldn’t really
let you see this, but what the heck --
one little example won’t hurt.
(re: screen)
A couple in Osaka, Japan just decided to
have a destination wedding. That’s
negative 1200 points.
(checks)
Oh dear. It’s a destination theme
wedding. Negative four thousand three
hundred--
(checks again)
The theme is Lord of the Rings. They’re
basically doomed.

An ALERT sounds. The monitor flashes “UNDEFINED ACTION.”

NEIL (CONT’D)
Ooh, this is fun! A human has just done
something no one has ever done before!

MICHAEL
(reading)
Richard Moore, of Sugarland Texas,
hollowed out an eggplant, and filled it
with hot sauce and nickels.

NEIL
How about that -- it wasn’t a weird sex
thing! Ninety-nine percent of all new
human behaviors are weird sex things.
(checks again)
Oop, nevermind, actually it was a weird
sex thing. So! Now: we zip it over to
the relevant specialists for valuation.
(MORE)
(CONTINUED)
The Good Place “Janet(s)” [310] 11. (II)
Shooting Draft (GREEN Rev.) 7/26/18
1008 CONTINUED: 1008
NEIL (CONT'D)
In this case, Anastasia in the Stuffed
Vegetable Department, Hector over in
American Coins, and my buddy Matt, in
Weird Sex Things.

He gestures to the accountants. MATT looks traumatized, like
he hasn’t slept in years.

MATT
(twitchy)
I’m still waiting for a response to the
latest request I filed, for immediate
suicide?

NEIL
Request denied.
(to Michael)
I love Matt! He’s hilarious.

Matt deflates. He and Anastasia begin typing furiously.

MICHAEL
So, they now examine the action -- its
use of resources, the intentions behind
it, its effects on others...

NEIL
Correct, and they arrive at this:

Below the monitor, a printer prints out the results:

ACTION NUMBER 6&7GGp^W4*41211E146 = -9.884 POINTS

NEIL (CONT’D)
And here’s why tampering is impossible.
The result is then double-checked by
three billion other accountants --
selected at random -- and if they all
come to the same conclusion, which they
always do:

ON SCREEN: A green check pops up -- MATCH.

NEIL (CONT'D)
-- it becomes official. Anyone who does
this exact thing in this exact way will
lose this many points.

The screen DINGS.

MICHAEL
Someone else just did it?! How is that
possible?
(checking)
(MORE)
(CONTINUED)
The Good Place “Janet(s)” [310] 12. (II)
Shooting Draft (GREEN Rev.) 7/26/18
1008 CONTINUED: (2) 1008
MICHAEL (CONT'D)
Oh. Because the first guy posted about
it on Reddit.

The screen DINGS over and over again...

Genres: ["Comedy","Fantasy"]

Strengths "The dialogue is witty and clever, adding to the comedic tone of the scene. The visuals of the scene, including the identical Janets and the Office of the Accountant, are well-executed."

Weaknesses "The concept of the points system is introduced, but it is not fully fleshed out yet, leaving some confusion. The scene lacks a strong emotional impact."

Critique Overall, this scene is well-written and entertaining. The dialogue is witty, and the concept of the accountants assigning point values to every human action is intriguing. However, there are a few minor areas where the scene could be improved:

- In the first part of the scene, the conversation between Chidi-Janet and Eleanor-Janet feels a bit exposition-heavy. The characters are explaining the concept of alternate timelines and the nature of the self to each other, but it doesn't feel entirely natural or organic. It might help to find a way to incorporate this information more subtly, or to have the characters discuss it in a way that feels more natural to them.
- The humor in the scene is effective, but some of the jokes feel a bit forced. For example, when Eleanor-Janelt accidentally creates more puppies, her line "This is getting cuter and I want it to get less cute!" feels like it's trying too hard to be funny. Similarly, Neil's line about 99% of new human behaviors being weird sex things feels a bit juvenile. It might be more effective to focus on the overall absurdity of the accountants' job, rather than resorting to cheap jokes.
- The action in the second half of the scene is a bit static. The characters are just standing in front of a monitor, and the action is being conveyed through dialogue rather than visuals. It might help to find a way to make the scene more visually interesting, or to add some movement or action to keep it from feeling too static.

Suggestions One suggestion would be to add more conflict or tension to the scene between Chidi-Janet and Eleanor-Janet. Right now it's a relatively calm and straightforward conversation, but adding a layer of conflict could make the scene more engaging for the audience. Additionally, there could be more visual elements to show the chaos of the puppies multiplying, perhaps with more physical comedy or reactions from the characters. In the second scene, there could be more buildup to the reveal of the undefined action, to make it more impactful when it finally appears. The dialogue could also be tightened up to make it more concise and punchy.

Scene 5 - Janet(s)

Overall: 7.0
Concept: 8
Plot: 8
Characters: 7
Dialogue: 8

1009 INT. CONFERENCE ROOM/NEIL’S OFFICE - LATER (D1) 1009

Neil crosses to a controller with LARGE BUTTONS, one green,
one red. On either side are huge TUBES, one green, one red.

NEIL
When people die, their biographical
history and final point totals are sent
to the relevant destination. That batch
is headed for the Bad Place --

A WOMAN puts a sack of files under the RED TUBE and hits a
BUTTON -- it flies up and out.

NEIL (CONT’D)
-- they get the files, process the
people, then it’s either “Yayy!” Or
(mock horrified)
“Gahh gimme my penis back!”, and Bob’s
your uncle. It’s a flawless system, and
tampering is quite impossible.

MICHAEL
I see. Could we look at one specific
file, though, just to make sure?

NEIL
(intrigued)
Mmm. All right. Who do you wanna see?
Genghis Khan? Marie Antoinette? Walt
Disney has some weird stuff in his file...

MICHAEL
Doug Forcett.

Neil smiles.

1010 INT. JANET’S VOID - A LITTLE LATER (D1) 1010

Eleanor-Janet turns to Chidi-Janet as Tahani-Janet and Jason-
Janet look on.

ELEANOR-JANET
I don’t get this, man. Why wouldn’t you
want to know what our life was like?
You’re not even a little curious what it
was like to hit --
(re: her body)
-- this?
(MORE)
(CONTINUED)
The Good Place “Janet(s)” [310] 13. (II)
Shooting Draft (GREEN Rev.) 7/26/18
1010 CONTINUED: 1010
ELEANOR-JANET (CONT'D)
(realizing, annoyed)
I don’t mean “this this.” Although,
frankly, I would also hit this this.

CHIDI-JANET
I don’t want to see those memories
because, philosophically speaking,
they’re none of my business. They
happened to someone else. Let me
explain.

Chidi-Janet conjures three desk-chairs and a pre-written
blackboard.

ELEANOR-JANET
We can conjure any object in the
universe, and you chose a blackboard.

JASON-JANET
As long as you’re conjuring stuff, can I
have a magical rocket ship with laser
cannons?
(then, revelation)
Oooh, no, wait -- gum!

Eleanor-Janet BLOOPS some Big League Chew and hands it to
him. He tosses it in his mouth.

CHIDI-JANET
Conceptions of the Self! Let’s start
with John Locke, who believed that
personal identity was based on having a
continued consciousness -- essentially:
memory. Memories are links in a chain
that together form a single self. If I
can’t remember what happened, because it
happened to a Chidi from another
timeline, it’s not a unified “me.”

JASON-JANET
Just because you don’t remember doing
something doesn’t mean you didn’t do it.
I have no idea how it happened, but there
is definitely a tattoo on my butt that
says “Jasom.”

CHIDI-JANET
That leads us to Derek Parfit.

TAHANI-JANET
It does?

(CONTINUED)
The Good Place “Janet(s)” [310] 14. (II)
Shooting Draft (GREEN Rev.) 7/26/18
1010 CONTINUED: (2) 1010

CHIDI-JANET
Parfit said: even if I have memories from
an earlier time, that doesn't necessarily
mean it was “me.” After all, if my brain
was split in two and each half was put
into a different person, which one is
“me?” All I know is, that other Chidi
doesn’t exist anymore, and
(points to herself)
this one does, so this must be the real
Chidi.

ELEANOR-JANET
And all I know is, you’re just barfing
Wikipedia all over everyone to avoid
talking about your feelings.

CHIDI-JANET
(beat)
...Let’s talk about David Hume!

Genres: ["Comedy","Fantasy"]

Summary Michael and Janet turn the humans into identical Janets, dress them in their own outfits, and bring them to Janet's void. The group is transformed into identical Janets but can't tell each other apart. They must stay in the void and cannot go back to their own bodies. They decide to go to the Neutral Zone to find proof that the Bad Place is tampering with the points system. Michael and Janet leave to find the Head Accountant.

Strengths "The philosophical discussion about personal identity is entertaining. The plot moves forward by going to the Neutral Zone to find evidence about the Bad Place. "

Weaknesses "The scene is not very emotionally impactful, and it is not very high stakes."

Critique The scene is well-written and engaging, with good use of humor and banter between the characters. The exposition about the afterlife system is presented in an interesting way, with the use of the controller and tubes adding visual interest. The dialogue between the Janets is clever, and the philosophical discussion they have is both informative and entertaining. Overall, the scene is effective in advancing the plot while also providing humor and character development.

Suggestions Some potential suggestions for improving this scene:

- It may be helpful to add more visual elements to the scene to break up the dialogue a bit. For example, in the first part of the scene with Neil, we could see some of the files getting processed through the tubes and have some reaction shots from Michael to help illustrate the process and add some humor.
- When Neil offers to show Doug Forcett's file, it could be interesting to add some tension or conflict to the scene by having Michael hesitate or look uncertain. This could help build some suspense and make the scene more dynamic.
- The conversation between Eleanor-Janet, Chidi-Janet, Jason-Janet, and Tahani-Janet could also benefit from more visual elements or action. For example, we could see them conjure up various objects as they talk, or have some flashbacks to their previous lives to help illustrate Chidi's philosophical points. This could help bring some variety to the scene and keep the audience engaged.
- Finally, it may be helpful to add more of a clear narrative throughline to the scene overall. While there are some interesting philosophical points being made, it's not clear how they relate to the overall plot or character development of the script. By tying these ideas to the larger story, the scene could feel more impactful and memorable.

Scene 6 - The Book of Dougs and Janet's Void

Overall: 9.0
Concept: 8
Plot: 9
Characters: 8
Dialogue: 9

1011 INT. CONFERENCE ROOM/NEIL’S OFFICE - SAME TIME (D1) 1011

Michael, Janet, Neil. Neil goes to the bookshelf and pulls
out The Book of Dougs.

NEIL
Here we are -- the Book of Dougs.
(flipping pages)
Forbush... Forcap... Forcearch... Doug L.
Forcett!

He waves his hand and a SCREEN pops up. Michael tries to
peek at the screen--

NEIL (CONT’D)
Ah ah -- no peeking. Accountants only.

MICHAEL
Can you just tell me his total?

NEIL
Looks like he’s at... 520,000 points.
Well done, Doug.

MICHAEL
...So that’s good?

NEIL
It’s excellent!
(then)
Oh -- he’s 68 years old? It’s terrible.
He’s screwed.

(CONTINUED)
The Good Place “Janet(s)” [310] 14A. (II)
Shooting Draft (GREEN Rev.) 7/26/18
1011 CONTINUED: 1011

MICHAEL
Ha! I knew it! Doug has spent his
entire life being nothing but good.
(MORE)

(CONTINUED)
The Good Place “Janet(s)” [310] 15. (II)
Shooting Draft (GREEN Rev.) 7/26/18
1011 CONTINUED: (2) 1011
MICHAEL (CONT'D)
He once found a dollar on the ground and
sent it to the Canadian government to
help pay down their national debt -- and
he’s not even close to getting in?! How
can that be?

NEIL
(shrugs)
Look, mate, the points are indisputable.
They have been, ever since the very
beginning.

He points to a PAINTING of a caveman handing another caveman a
rock. Plaque reads: Og Gives His Rock To Grog. 201,993 B.C.E.

MICHAEL
(nodding)
“Og gives his rock to Grog.”

NEIL
The very first altruistic human decision.
Og earned ten thousand points that day.
(beat)
Then Grog used the rock to bash Og’s head
in, and he lost a million.

We see another painting: the second caveman bashing the first
caveman’s head in.

NEIL (CONT'D)
Point is, the math is cold, objective,
and airtight. And unless you have some
other proof that says otherwise, I don’t
know how I can help you.

Matt pops in holding FILES.

MATT
I just got seven hundred new “Weird Sex
Thing” files in the last one second.

NEIL
(to Michael)
Burning Man just started. Buckle up,
Matty!

1012 INT. JANET’S VOID - LATER (D1) 1012

Chidi-Janet lectures...

(CONTINUED)
The Good Place “Janet(s)” [310] 16. (II)
Shooting Draft (GREEN Rev.) 7/26/18
1012 CONTINUED: 1012

CHIDI-JANET
So, in essence, Hume thought that we
don’t truly have a “self,” we are just a
bundle of our ever-changing impressions --

ELEANOR-JANET
Just admit it, man -- you’re embarrassed
that you fell in love with an Arizona
trashbag.

CHIDI-JANET
Eleanor, it’s not personal. Someone fell
in love with you, it just wasn’t “me.”

Eleanor-Janet looks hurt. Janet appears, furious --

JANET
I told you not to conjure anything!

CHIDI-JANET
Sorry, I just swapped the living room for
a classroom --

JANET
No, not you -- him! Jason! What is
wrong with you?!

Jason-Janet is sitting in an EMPTY HOT TUB with PILLBOI.

JASON-JANET
Sorry, Janet! I didn’t mean to conjure
Pillboi -- I was just thinking about how
much fun we used to have hanging out in
his broken hot tub, and he showed up!

PILLBOI
Yeah, I was just chillin’, being nothing?
And then all of a sudden: I was!

JANET
Goodbye, Pillboi.

As he and the hot tub disappear into the vanishing point --

PILLBOI
Oh dip -- I’m “not” again!

JANET
This is bad. Your thoughts and feelings
are starting to directly affect the void.
(MORE)

(CONTINUED)
The Good Place “Janet(s)” [310] 17. (II)
Shooting Draft (GREEN Rev.) 7/26/18
1012 CONTINUED: (2) 1012
JANET (CONT'D)
I’m not sure how much longer I can
contain you in here. Maybe you should
split up.

TAHANI-JANET
Good idea, we’ll all go to our neutral
corners, as it were.
(looking around)
Janet, can you make some corners?

Genres: ["Comedy","Fantasy"]

Summary Michael and Janet seek the Head Accountant's help while the humans transform into identical Janets and plan to go to the Neutral Zone to find evidence of the Bad Place's tampering with the points system. Meanwhile, in Janet's void, thoughts and feelings are starting to affect the surroundings, and Janet urges the group to split up.

Strengths "The humor is well-placed and contributes to the overall tone of the show. Janet's void is an interesting concept with a lot of potential. The scene has a good mix of exposition and character development."

Weaknesses "The scene doesn't have high stakes and doesn't have a significant emotional impact."

Critique Overall, this scene is well-written and engaging. The dialogue is witty and paints a clear picture of the characters and their personalities. Neil's introduction of the Book of Dougs and the subsequent screen display provide a clear explanation of the point system in the Good Place, while also including humor and irony. The twist that Doug L. Forcett, who has lived a life of extreme morality, is still not qualified for the Good Place is a compelling plot point that adds depth to the show's moral universe.

However, there are a few areas that could be improved. The sudden appearance of Matt and his announcement about the "Weird Sex Thing" files feels abrupt and disconnected from the rest of the scene. Additionally, the shift to the Janet void and the discussion about philosophy and Chidi's love life feels jarring and out of place. While these moments individually work well, they feel disconnected from the larger plot of the scene.

Overall, the scene is strong in terms of dialogue and character development, but some minor restructuring could improve its coherence and pacing.

Suggestions Overall, the scene seems to be working well and contains good character interaction and humor. However, there are a few suggestions to improve it:

1. Provide more visual variety: The scene primarily takes place in two locations - Neil's office and Janet's void. As a screenwriter, it's important to think about ways to provide visual variety to keep the audience engaged. Consider adding in more camera movements, changing up the framing, or adding in more interesting set design to break up the monotony.

2. Raise the stakes: While the scene has some tension with Michael and Janet trying to find a way into the Good Place, there's not much at stake. Consider raising the stakes by adding in consequences for failure or elevating the urgency of their mission.

3. Clarify character objectives: In the scene, it's not entirely clear what Michael's objective is beyond getting information about Doug's point total. It could help to clarify his goals and how they relate to the larger plot.

4. Tighten up dialogue: There are a few moments where the dialogue feels a bit repetitive or could be tightened up for greater clarity. For example, the exchange between Michael and Neil about whether Doug's point total is good or not could be more streamlined.

Overall, these small tweaks could help make the scene more engaging and compelling for the audience.

Scene 7 - The Fragmenting Janet

Overall: 9.0
Concept: 9
Plot: 9
Characters: 8
Dialogue: 9

1013 INT. CONFERENCE ROOM/NEIL’S OFFICE - MOMENTS LATER (D1) 1013

Michael and Neil. Janet pops back in.

JANET
(aside to Michael)
You need to hurry. My molecular essence
is fragmenting, and it’s giving me the
worst headache.

MICHAEL
Okay, here’s a question: if Doug
Forcett’s not getting in, who is? Let’s
look at one more file -- someone who got
into the Good Place this year.

Neil slides over to a COMPUTER and TYPES...

NEIL
Okay. Why don’t we look at...
(reading)
No one. No one got in.

MICHAEL
...No one’s gotten in for a year?

NEIL
Correct.

MICHAEL
How about the last three years?

NEIL
(more typing)
Okay... doo doo doo... ah, here we go: no
one.

MICHAEL
...When was the last time someone got in?

NEIL
The last time a person got enough points
to get into the Good Place was... five
hundred and twenty-one years ago.
(CONTINUED)
The Good Place “Janet(s)” [310] 18. (II)
Shooting Draft (GREEN Rev.) 7/26/18
1013 CONTINUED: 1013

Michael and Janet react, shocked. Janet puts her hands out in
front of her... her skin is CRACKING... she looks concerned.

1014 INT. JANET'S VOID - LATER (D1) 1014

Chidi-Janet sits alone. Jason-Janet comes over to him.

JASON-JANET
Yo homie -- you and Eleanor were fighting
before, and I couldn’t help but overhear.
(then)
Hey: if we hear with our ears, why’s it
called “butt overhearing?”

Chidi-Janet stays quiet.

JASON-JANET (CONT’D)
Bro, if you don’t like her, you should
just tell her.

CHIDI-JANET
It’s not about whether I “like” Eleanor.
I got into philosophy so I could make
sense of a world that almost never makes
sense... and that was before I learned I
died, and then un-died and then re-
died... I just can’t take one more thing
right now. It’s too much.

JASON-JANET
I’m gonna tell you a story. Back in
Jacksonville, there was a guy in my 80-
person dance crew named Stank Toby --

CHIDI-JANET
(suspicious)
Hang on. It was a 60-person dance crew.

JASON-JANET
(caught, desperate)
Uhhhh.... oh dip, what are “numbers?”

CHIDI-JANET
(furious)
You’re not Jason-Janet! You’re Eleanor-
Janet pretending to be Jason-Janet! That
is so wrong -- and so confusing!

ELEANOR-JANET (JASON CLOTHES)
What was I supposed to do?! You wouldn’t
talk to me. This seemed like the only
option.

(CONTINUED)
The Good Place “Janet(s)” [310] 19. (II)
Shooting Draft (GREEN Rev.) 7/26/18
1014 CONTINUED: 1014

CHIDI-JANET
In what universe is any of this... the
only option?!

Jason-Janet approaches in Eleanor's clothes.

JASON-JANET (ELEANOR CLOTHES)
(high-pitched “Eleanor” voice)
Hi, Chidi, I'm Eleanor. I’m Arizona
shrimp horny!

ELEANOR-JANET (JASON CLOTHES)
That’s not what I sound like, Jason! Get
out of here!

Jason-Janet exits. Eleanor-Janet BLOOPS her own clothes
back, and rubs her face, fed-up.

ELEANOR-JANET (CONT’D)
Look, you know what?! Just forget it!
What am I even doing? I'm chasing a dude
who isn't into me, I’m making myself
vulnerable for no reason -- I don't even
know who I am anymore!

Chidi-Janet looks at Eleanor-Janet, concerned --

CHIDI-JANET
...Uh oh. This is new.

REVEAL: Eleanor-Janet has changed into a DIFFERENT PERSON.

RANDOM PERSON 1
I’m so annoyed at myself! Gahhhh!
Stupid Eleanor!

Off Chidi-Janet, stunned...

END OF ACT TWO
The Good Place “Janet(s)” [310] 20. (III)
Shooting Draft (GREEN Rev.) 7/26/18

ACT THREE

Genres: ["Comedy","Fantasy"]

Summary Michael and Janet seek the Head Accountant's help while the group of identical Janets plan to find evidence of Bad Place tampering in the Neutral Zone. Meanwhile, thoughts and feelings in Janet's void affect the surroundings, causing Janet's molecular essence to fragment.

Strengths "The humor is consistently funny throughout the scene, despite the surreal situations. The character conflicts add depth and interest to the supernatural happenings."

Weaknesses "The pacing may be slow for some viewers, especially those not invested in the characters or familiar with the show's ongoing plot."

Critique

Suggestions As a screenwriting expert, my first suggestion would be to focus on the important information in the conference room scene. The dialogue between Michael, Neil, and Janet feels scattered, and it's difficult for the audience to follow the plot developments. To improve the scene, I suggest trimming the conversation down to its essential points: Doug Forcett isn't getting into the Good Place, and no one has made it in for over 500 years. With a shorter, clearer conversation, the audience can better understand the stakes and focus on the characters' reactions.

Additionally, the scene in Janet's Void could benefit from some added tension. As it stands, the conversation between Jason-Janet and Chidi-Janet feels inconsequential. To improve the scene, I suggest bringing in more conflict and making the stakes higher. Perhaps Chidi-Janet is struggling to come to terms with his multiple deaths, and Jason-Janet's childish behavior is making things worse. Or, maybe the two Janets are fighting over limited resources in the Void. By adding tension and higher stakes, the scene can become more engaging and impactful for the audience.

Scene 8 - Janet's Void Crumbles

Overall: 8.0
Concept: 9
Plot: 7
Characters: 8
Dialogue: 7

1015 INT. JANET’S VOID - SOMEWHERE - SAME TIME (D1) 1015

Tahani-Janet and Jason-Janet walk through a different part of
the void.

JASON-JANET
I know I asked you this before, but --

TAHANI-JANET
No, darling. This is not “where the Mac
and PC guys live.”

They happen upon a giant screen hanging in the void.

JASON-JANET
Whoa! Check out this dope flat-screen,
it’s air-mounted! You see this, Tahani?

The screen JUMPS to life -- a profile appears, with pictures
of Tahani and a list of everything that ever happened to her.

TAHANI-JANET
Oh my goodness... this must be where
Janet keeps all her information.
(realizing)
This screen can literally show us
anything that has ever happened --

JASON-JANET
(to the screen)
Cartoons. Cartoons. I think it’s
broken. “TV: play cartoons for Jason!”

TAHANI-JANET
Can’t believe that’s what you want to use
this for --
(noticing)
Oh my...

Jason’s profile comes up -- it’s covered with pink hearts,
and the name “Mrs. Janet Mendoza” written over and over in
cursive, like it was decorated by a lovestruck 14 year-old.

TAHANI-JANET (CONT’D)
Jason... Janet has a crush on you!
(looks closer)
Sorry, not just a crush... I think, in
one of the reboots, you two were married!

On the screen, we now see the WEDDING ANNOUNCEMENT of Jason
and Janet from #110. Jason-Janet reacts, surprised.

(CONTINUED)
The Good Place “Janet(s)” [310] 21. (III)
Shooting Draft (GREEN Rev.) 7/26/18
1015 CONTINUED: 1015

JASON-JANET
Whoa. Married?
(then)
Ohhhh. This flatscreen must’ve been a
wedding present. It’s all starting to
make sense.

1016 INT. JANET’S VOID - CHIDI-JANET AND ELEANOR (D1) 1016

Chidi-Janet is looking at (the new) Eleanor, confused. She
still doesn’t know what’s going on.

RANDOM PERSON 1
This whole thing sucks, you know?

CHIDI-JANET
Eleanor... you... you’re not --

She is now another NEW PERSON -- a 53 year-old Chinese man.

RANDOM PERSON 2
The one thing I never wanted to do, ever,
for any reason, was follow some guy
around, like a lame puppy dog. I mean --
look at me, I don’t need to do that -- I
can get any guy I want!

CHIDI-JANET
Eleanor, just -- hang on --

Eleanor is yet ANOTHER RANDOM PERSON -- an 11 year-old boy.

RANDOM PERSON 3
What, dude? What? What do you want?

All around them, the walls of the void begin to CRACK. Janet
POPS IN and sees “Eleanor.”

JANET
What is going on?!
(notices)
Okay. Well. This is bad.

Eleanor is now an 80 year-old lady.

RANDOM PERSON 4
Why are you staring at me? Do I have a
zit on my nose or something?

JANET
Your sense of self is crumbling, and it’s
taking the void down with it.

She is now a 16 year-old girl.
(CONTINUED)
The Good Place “Janet(s)” [310] 22. (III)
Shooting Draft (GREEN Rev.) 7/26/18
1016 CONTINUED: 1016

RANDOM PERSON 5
Great. So I don’t feel like myself for
two seconds and it breaks the universe?!
How come nothing went wrong when Chidi
freaked out about his identity for three
hours?

CHIDI-JANET
Because freaking out about everything is
my identity.
(faux cocky, wilting)
Not to brag!

JANET
You have to hold it together. Try to do
something Eleanor-y -- laugh at someone
who falls down, or show up at an event
underdressed and then get mad at everyone
else somehow. I’ll be right back --

Janet POPS OUT.

Genres: ["Comedy","Fantasy"]

Summary Michael and Janet seek the Head Accountant's help while the group of identical Janets plan to find evidence of tampering by the Bad Place in the Neutral Zone. Meanwhile, thoughts and feelings in Janet's void affect the surroundings, causing Janet's molecular essence to fragment.

Strengths "The humor of the scene is widely prevalent, and the tone makes for a lighthearted atmosphere that makes it easy to watch and enjoy. "

Weaknesses "The scene doesn't have enough character development or a significant plot development to make it stand out."

Critique Overall, the scene is well-written and engaging. The dialogue feels authentic to the characters and the situation they are in. The introduction of the void and the screen effectively adds an interesting concept to the plot.

However, there is a potential issue with the pacing of the scene. The shift between the two groups, Tahani-Janet and Jason-Janet, and Chidi-Janet and Eleanor, may be abrupt, and it could be challenging for the audience to keep up with the action. It may be helpful to add some transitional sentences or visual cues to help the audience understand the shift in focus.

Additionally, while the dialogue is authentic to the characters, some of the humor may come across as too juvenile or simplistic for some viewers. Finding a balance between humor that works for the characters and humor that works for the audience is key to engaging the viewer and keeping their attention.

Overall, the scene is well-written but could benefit from some refinements in pacing and humor.

Suggestions One suggestion to improve this scene would be to make it more focused and concise. The scene jumps between Janet's void with Tahani-Janet and Jason-Janet, and then switches to Chidi-Janet and Eleanor. While both sections are important to the plot, having them switch so quickly may make it difficult for viewers to follow. One potential solution would be to split the scene into two separate scenes, each with a clearer focus on one set of characters. Additionally, some of the dialogue, particularly the lines from the random people in the second half of the scene, could be tightened up to make the scene more snappy and engaging.

Scene 9 - Janet(s) in Peril

Overall: 9.0
Concept: 8
Plot: 9
Characters: 9
Dialogue: 8

1017 INT. ACCOUNTANT'S OFFICE - BULLPEN (D1) 1017

Neil walks Michael toward the exit... Janet pops in.

NEIL
Well! I gotta run -- we’re having a
little “thing” in the breakroom for
Marisol’s birthday. She’s turning 39
million -- again.
(chuckles)
So, if there’s nothing else...

MICHAEL
“If there’s nothing else?!” Neil,
please: be logical. Not one Good Place
resident in over five hundred years?!
Not Jonas Salk, not Harriet Tubman, not
one single Golden Girl?! The Bad Place
has hacked your system!

NEIL
(stern)
For the last time: no, they have not, and
frankly, I’m beginning to resent your
tone. If you have a problem, go back to
the Good Place and take it up with the
Committee. Now if you’ll excuse me,
there’s cake over there, and if I don’t
move quickly, Erika will get the last
corner piece!

He stomps off...
(CONTINUED)
The Good Place “Janet(s)” [310] 23. (III)
Shooting Draft (GREEN Rev.) 7/26/18
1017 CONTINUED: 1017

MICHAEL
No, no, no. This can’t be happening. He
was supposed to tell us what to do! If
he can’t fix this, who’s going to?

JANET
You, Michael. It has to be you.
(off his look)
We keep wandering around these different
realms, expecting someone else to have
the answers. But no one does. You’re
the guy, Michael. You’re the only person
who can fix whatever’s wrong with the
afterlife.

Michael takes this in.

JANET (CONT’D)
But before we get into that, Eleanor’s
identity is shattering, inside my void,
and I might blow up, so I’m gonna need
you to grab a paperclip and marbelize me
like yesterday.

Janet’s face starts to crack! Light pours through the cracks!

MICHAEL
What will happen to the humans?

JANET
No idea, but I can’t take them out of my
void in the middle of this office, and if
we do nothing, everyone is gone-zo!
Marbelize me, get us somewhere safe, and
bring me back!

Michael looks around frantically --

MICHAEL
Paperclip! I need a paperclip!
(sees Matt)
Matt! Do you have a paperclip?!

MATT
(scared)
What are you gonna use it for?

1018 INT. JANET'S VOID - SAME TIME (D1) 1018

The ground shakes, walls shattering. Eleanor is now a JACKED
BODY-BUILDER.

RANDOM PERSON 6
Chidi? I’m scared.
(CONTINUED)
The Good Place “Janet(s)” [310] 24. (III)
Shooting Draft (GREEN Rev.) 7/26/18
1018 CONTINUED: 1018

CHIDI-JANET
I know.

The walls keep cracking. Eleanor is now an OLD MAN.

RANDOM PERSON 7
What am I supposed to be doing right now?
I don’t remember. I’m having a hard
time... remembering...

Chidi-Janet gets an idea. Eleanor keeps becoming DIFFERENT
PEOPLE as Chidi-Janet talks:

CHIDI-JANET
Right. Memories! You need to remember
who you are:
(then)
You’re Eleanor Shellstrop, from Phoenix,
Arizona. Your favorite meal is shrimp
scampi, you listed your emergency contact
as Britney Spears as a longshot way of
meeting her, and your favorite movie is
“that clip of John Travolta saying ‘Adele
Dazeem’.” You flew halfway around the
world because you wanted to be a better
person, and it was very brave.

Within the ever-changing Eleanors, one out of every four is
Eleanor-Janet. Chidi-Janet sees that as a good sign...

CHIDI-JANET (CONT’D)
You’re sharp and you’re strong. You make
fun of me a lot -- you once called me a
“human snooze button” -- but you also
showed up in my classroom when I was
drowning in despair and canned chili, and
basically saved my life. You have very
high self-esteem, and a very low
tolerance for men who wear sandals, and
your worst nightmare is someone saying
something nice about you to your face,
but too bad, because you deserve it, and
I need to say it, because -- because --

Chidi-Janet waits, then sees ELEANOR-JANET and GRABS her and
KISSES HER. It’s a Janet kissing a Janet. The camera SWOOPS
AROUND them. Somewhere, during the kiss, through the magic
of computers, they become ACTUAL ELEANOR and ACTUAL CHIDI.

The cracks in the walls slow. Eleanor looks at herself...

ELEANOR
Nice work, bud.
(then)
(MORE)
(CONTINUED)
The Good Place “Janet(s)” [310] 25. (III)
Shooting Draft (GREEN Rev.) 7/26/18
1018 CONTINUED: (2) 1018
ELEANOR (CONT'D)
Did you mean what you said, or did you
just say it because the world was ending?

CHIDI
...I really wanna play this cool, but I’m
afraid I’m gonna ruin it if I try to be
sexy.
(wilting)
I already ruined it. Saying the word
“sexy” is not sexy --

She kisses him again. The cracked walls start to heal. The
white void turns brilliant colors all around them.

Genres: ["Comedy","Fantasy"]

Summary Michael and Janet seek the Head Accountant's help while the humans transform into identical Janets and plan to go to the Neutral Zone to find evidence of the Bad Place's tampering with the points system. Meanwhile, thoughts and feelings in Janet's void affect the surroundings, causing Janet's molecular essence to fragment.

Strengths

Frantic pace keeps things interesting
Character relationships deepen

Weaknesses

Dialogue could be punchier

Critique This scene is well-written and engaging. It effectively builds tension as Michael realizes the gravity of the situation and Janet’s impending meltdown, while also providing comic relief with Neil’s cake obsession and the constant transformations of Eleanor in the void. The dialogue is authentic and playful, with some great character moments for Janet and Chidi as they come to terms with their feelings for each other. The only potential weak point is the exposition about the afterlife and the Good Place Committee, which feels a bit heavy-handed and expository. Overall, a strong scene that effectively moves the plot forward and develops the characters.

Suggestions One suggestion to improve this scene would be to make the stakes of the situation clearer earlier on. Currently, it takes a while for Michael and Janet to fully realize the gravity of the situation and the need for Michael to take action. By establishing the urgency earlier, the tension can be increased and the scene can become more engaging for the audience. Additionally, the dialogue between Michael and Neil could benefit from some editing to make it more concise and impactful, as currently it feels somewhat repetitive. Finally, there could be more visual elements added to the scene to make it more dynamic, since a lot of the action is centered on characters talking. For example, there could be more interaction with the birthday party or other characters moving around the office.

Scene 10 - The Good Place: Janet(s)

Overall: 9.0
Concept: 8
Plot: 9
Characters: 9
Dialogue: 8

1019 INT. ACCOUNTANT’S OFFICE - BULLPEN - SAME TIME (D1) 1019

Michael is about to marbelize Janet, when --

JANET
Wait! I’m okay.

MICHAEL
...You’re sure?

JANET
Yes. I’m okay. Wait... uh oh...
(she GAGS)
They’re not Janets anymore... they’re...
them... and they’re not sitting well...
(gags)
Incoming!

She “barfs.” Eleanor, Chidi, Tahani, and Jason pop in, back
to their normal selves. Michael and a wobbly Janet watch.

JANET (CONT’D)
Oh man. Ugh. That was gross. I feel so
much better.

MICHAEL
On the bright side, they’re all here, and
they’re safe.

A loud ALARM SOUNDS.

MICHAEL (CONT’D)
-- From the old scary thing. Now there’s
a new scary thing.

END OF ACT THREE
The Good Place “Janet(s)” [310] 26. (IV)
Shooting Draft (GREEN Rev.) 7/26/18

ACT FOUR

1020 INT. ACCOUNTANT’S OFFICE - BULLPEN (D1) 1020

ALARMS BLARE. Neil walks up, wearing a party hat, holding
some cake.

NEIL
Hey guys! I’m Neil. Welcome to
Accounting! Now it does look like the
four of you are interdimensional
fugitives, so I did go ahead and hit the
alarm. Sorry about that! On a lighter
note, we do have some cake left, if
you’re interested.

JASON
Yyyyyes!

TAHANI
Michael, what do we do?

MICHAEL
I’m sorry, guys. The Accountant was no
help --

NEIL
Rude.

MICHAEL
-- no one has gotten into the Good Place
in 500 years, and we have no plan.
Nobody’s coming to save us.

He looks at Janet. She nods. He swells up.

MICHAEL (CONT’D)
So I’m gonna do it. Follow me!

He SMACKS NEIL’S CAKE out of his hand --

NEIL
Nooo! Corner piece!

-- with Neil distracted they all RUN into --

1021 INT. CONFERENCE ROOM/NEIL’S OFFICE - CONTINUOUS (D1) 1021

Michael locks the door, grabs the Book of Dougs. Looks around
frantically... gets an idea. Neil bangs on the window.

NEIL
Hey! You can’t take that!

(CONTINUED)
The Good Place “Janet(s)” [310] 27. (IV)
Shooting Draft (GREEN Rev.) 7/26/18
1021 CONTINUED: 1021

MICHAEL
I need one of you to volunteer to try
something outrageously insane, that will
either make you cease to exist or be
really fun.

JASON
That’s most of the things I’ve tried!

MICHAEL
That’s my guy. Get in the tube!

JASON
Oh hell yeah -- I love gettin’ in stuff!

He does. Michael SLAMS THE GREEN BUTTON, Jason FLIES UP into
the tube...

MICHAEL
Well... no way to know what happened to
him. The rest of you -- go!

1101 INT. GOOD PLACE OUTPOST - DAY (D1) 1101

We’re in an old quaint HOUSE. Camera pulls back to reveal a
large ANTIQUE MAILBOX.

We hear: THUNK! THUNK! THUNK! Six times, with accompanying
muffled “Ows!” And “Gahhs!”

DOOR is pushed open. Jason crawls out. Then Chidi, Tahani,
Eleanor, Michael and Janet -- like from a CLOWN CAR. They
look around.

ELEANOR
...Where are we?

MICHAEL
We’re in the Good Place.

ELEANOR
No offense dude, but you’ve told us a lot
of lies in the last 300 years, so for
real: where the fork are we?
(realizing)
Fork. Shirt. Ash-hole.
(hearing it, emotional)
Holy forking shirtballs... we’re in the
Good Place!

They all look around, shocked...

END OF EPISODE

Genres: ["Comedy","Fantasy"]

Summary Michael and Janet regroup with Tahani, Eleanor, and Chidi after their plan to turn into identical Janets to find evidence of the tampering in the Neutral Zone goes awry.

Strengths "The scene has a great mix of humor, excitement, and surprise. The characters remain true to their established personalities, and the plot continues to progress in new and interesting ways."

Weaknesses "While the scene is overall successful in its execution, there is little in the way of thematic development or deeper meaning than what is immediately on the surface."

Critique Overall, the scene is well-written with clear dialogue and actions. The pacing is good, with a mix of tension and humor. However, there are a few areas that could be improved.

First, the introduction of Neil felt a bit random and unnecessary. It doesn't add much to the overall plot and his sudden appearance with cake doesn't quite fit with the urgency of the situation.

Second, the decision for Jason to go into the tube felt rushed and could benefit from more explanation. The audience doesn't know what the tube does or why it's the solution to their problem.

Finally, the reveal of the Good Place at the end felt a bit predictable and lacks a strong emotional payoff. It might benefit from a more dramatic and unexpected reveal.

Overall, the scene is solid but could use a bit more development in certain areas to make it truly impactful.

Suggestions One suggestion to improve this scene would be to add more tension and build-up to the moment of them realizing they are in the Good Place. Currently, the realization feels a bit sudden and lacks the payoff it deserves after all the obstacles they've faced. Adding more obstacles or unexpected developments along the way could help increase the impact of the reveal. Additionally, giving each character a moment to process their emotions and reactions to finally achieving their goal could add depth and emotional resonance to the scene.