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Scene 1 -  Unseen Disturbance
1 EXT. NEW YORK PUBLIC LIBRARY -- DAY 1

The sun shines brightly on the classic facade of the main
library at Fifth Avenue and 42nd Street. In the adjacent
park area, pretty hustlers and drug peddlers go about their
business.

FRONT STEPS
A few people lounge on the steps
flanked by the familiar stone
lions.

2 INT. MAIN READING ROOM -- DAY 2

People are dotted throughout the room sitting at the long
oak tables polished by decades of use. Reading lamps with
green glass shades cast a golden glow on the tables. The
patina of age is everywhere. It is very quiet.

LIBRARIAN
A slightly stout, studious looking
girl in her late twenties
circulates quietly among the tables
picking up books and putting them
on her cart. Everything seems
completely normal and peaceful.

POV
A single eerie musical note signals
the presence of something strange
looking down on the Librarian from
a vantage point high above the
room. It follows the Librarian as
she pushes her cart around the
corner.

3 INT. WORK AREA 3

The Librarian is alone in a back room sorting books for
reshelving. Behind her is the card catalogue. One of the
books attracts her interest and she starts leafing through
it.

4 THE CARD CATALOGUE 4

Another eerie note is heard as one of the drawers silently
slides open behind the Librarian and hundreds of index cards
start popping out. The Librarian continues reading
completely oblivious to this strange phenomenon.
2.

She gets up and moves past another row of cabinets. Two
more drawers quietly slide open, and thousands of file cards
start shooting out of the open drawers just behind her, but
the Librarian still doesn't notice.

THE STACKS
The Librarian works her way through
rows and rows of old iron shelves
containing many thousands of
volumes stacked from floor to
ceiling. As she puts the books
back in their proper places, she
slowly gets the feeling that she's
being watched. She continues her
task but suddenly hears a
scratching noise and stops.

LIBRARIAN
(puzzled)
Hello? Is anybody there?

5 A ROW OF BOOKS 5

As the Librarian walks down the aisle, books start shooting
off the shelf behind her. She turns suddenly and sees the
fallen books.

THE LIBRARIAN
Frightened now, she walks slowly to
the end of the aisle and
tentatively peeks around the
corner. Seeing no one, she starts
to scratch her head and suddenly a
dozen books fly off the shelf right
in front of her and fall to the
floor.

LIBRARIAN
(frightened)
All right! Who's there? Lyle? Is
that you?

Very slowly now, her heart pounding, the Librarian tiptoes
to the other end of the aisle. She gets to the corner and
starts to peek around it, afraid to look but unable to
resist.
Genres: ["Mystery","Thriller","Horror"]

Summary Amid the tranquility of the New York Public Library, a librarian's serenity is shattered as books inexplicably soar off the shelves in the stacks. Despite her attempts to locate the source of the commotion, she remains unsuccessful, leaving her increasingly terrified.
Strengths
  • Building tension and suspense
  • Creating an eerie atmosphere
  • Engaging the audience with mystery
Weaknesses
  • Minimal dialogue
  • Limited character development

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively establishes a sense of mystery and tension, keeping the audience engaged and curious about what will happen next.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a supernatural presence in a quiet library is intriguing and sets up a compelling premise for the rest of the story.

Plot: 7

The plot is driven by the mysterious events unfolding in the library, creating a sense of anticipation and fear.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the classic haunted library trope by blending elements of supernatural mystery with a realistic setting and relatable protagonist. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 6

The Librarian is the main character in this scene, and her reactions to the strange occurrences help to build tension and suspense.

Character Changes: 5

The Librarian experiences a shift from curiosity to fear as she encounters the supernatural presence in the library.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to uncover the source of the strange occurrences happening in the library. This reflects her curiosity, bravery, and desire to solve mysteries.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to maintain her composure and professionalism despite the eerie events happening around her. This reflects her dedication to her job and her ability to handle unexpected situations.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict arises from the Librarian's confrontation with the unknown presence in the library, creating a sense of danger and suspense.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing mysterious and potentially dangerous forces that challenge her beliefs and abilities.

High Stakes: 6

The high stakes are established through the potential danger posed by the unknown presence in the library.

Story Forward: 7

The scene sets up the central mystery of the story and propels the plot forward by introducing the supernatural element.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because it introduces unexpected supernatural elements in a seemingly ordinary setting, keeping the audience on edge and unsure of what will happen next.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the clash between the known and the unknown, the rational and the supernatural. The protagonist's beliefs in logic and reason are challenged by the inexplicable events unfolding in the library.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes fear and tension in the audience, drawing them into the mysterious events unfolding in the library.

Dialogue: 5

The dialogue is minimal but serves its purpose in conveying the Librarian's fear and confusion.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it effectively builds suspense, creates a sense of mystery, and keeps the audience invested in the protagonist's journey to uncover the truth.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by gradually building tension, alternating between moments of calm and suspense, and maintaining a sense of momentum throughout.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for a screenplay, with clear scene headings, action lines, and character dialogue.

Structure: 9

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for a suspenseful mystery genre, with a gradual build-up of tension, a clear establishment of the setting, and a cliffhanger ending.


Critique
  • The scene starts off with a good setup of the peaceful and normal environment of the library, which creates a strong contrast for the paranormal activity that follows.
  • The use of eerie musical notes to signal the presence of something strange is effective in building tension and suspense.
  • The gradual escalation of the paranormal activity, from index cards popping out to books flying off the shelves, is well-paced and keeps the audience engaged.
  • The description of the Librarian's increasing fear and unease as she realizes she is being watched is well portrayed.
  • The scene effectively builds up to a climax with the Librarian finally confronting the source of the disturbance.
  • Overall, the scene effectively sets the stage for the supernatural events that will unfold in the rest of the script.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more sensory details to enhance the atmosphere of the scene, such as describing the musty smell of old books or the dim lighting in the stacks.
  • Try to incorporate more internal thoughts and emotions of the Librarian to deepen her character and make the audience empathize with her fear.
  • Consider adding a bit more dialogue or interaction to break up the description and add variety to the scene.
  • Ensure that the pacing remains consistent throughout the scene to maintain the tension and keep the audience engaged.
  • Consider foreshadowing or hinting at the larger supernatural events to come in later scenes to create a sense of anticipation and intrigue.



Scene 2 -  Interrupted ESP Test
6 INT. THE NEXT AISLE -- DAY 6

The Librarian comes slowly around the end of the stacks and
gets her first look at the thing that's been watching her.
Her eyes go very wide and her mouth opens in horror. She
screams.
3.

7 EXT. COLUMBIA UNIVERSITY -- DAY 7

Students are entering and leaving a neo-Gothic building on
the University's upper west side campus. A sign identifies
the building as: Weaver Hall -- Department of Psychology.

8 INT. BASEMENT -- WEAVER HALL -- DAY 8

At one end of the dingy corridor is a door marked PARANORMAL
STUDIES LABORATORY. A sign dangles from the doorknob: Maid -
- Please Make Up This Room. Scrawled across the door is a
line of student graffiti that reads: "Venkman Burn In Hell!"
It looks like it's been written in blood.

VENKMAN (V.O.)
Now I'm going to turn over the next
card and I want you to concentrate
and tell me what you think it is.

9 INT. PARANORMAL STUDIES LAB -- SAME TIME - DAY 9

DR. PETER VENKMAN is administering an ESP test to two
student volunteers, a boy and a girl, who sit across the
table from him separated from each other by a screen.

Venkman is an associate professor but his rumpled suit and
the manic gleam in his eyes indicate an underlying
instability in his nature. However, while a little short on
academic credentials, Venkman is long on confidence, charm
and salesmanship.

He turns to the male volunteer, an obnoxious SOPHOMORE, and
pulls out a card from the standard deck of ESP symbols. The
card is visible to the camera over Venkman's shoulder but
hidden from the sophomore by a masonite board that rests
between them on the table. The card shows a star symbol on
it.

VENKMAN
All right. What is it?

SOPHOMORE
(concentrates)
A square?

VENKMAN
(shakes his head)
Good guess -- but no.

He shows the Sophomore the star card then presses a button
on the table which administers a mild electric shock to the
volunteer.
4.

The Sophomore twitches involuntarily as the shock passes
through the electrode attached to his fingertips. Then
Venkman turns to the female volunteer, a very beautiful
COED.

VENKMAN (CONT’D)
Now just clear your mind and tell
me what you see.

He turns over a card with a circle on it.

COED
(thinks hard)
Is it a star?

VENKMAN
(feigning surprise)
It is a star! That's great.
You're very good.

The Coed beams proudly as Venkman turns back to the
Sophomore without showing her the card.

VENKMAN (CONT’D)
(to the Sophomore)
Now think.

He turns up the diamond card.

The Sophomore glances nervously at the electrodes, then
ventures a guess.

SOPHOMORE
Circle?

VENKMAN
Close -- but definitely wrong.

He shocks him again and swivels around to face the Coed.

VENKMAN (CONT'D)
Ready?
(she nods and he turns up
the triangle card)
What is it?

COED
(biting her lip)
Ummm -- figure eight?

VENKMAN
(lies)
Incredible! Five for five. You're
not cheating on me here, are you?
5.

COED
(amazed at her own
ability)
No. They're just coming to me.

VENKMAN
Well, you're doing great. Keep it
up.

He turns back to the Sophomore who winces as the next card
is turned up -- two parallel wavy lines.

VENKMAN (CONT'D)
Nervous?

SOPHOMORE
Yes. I don't like this.

VENKMAN
Well, just 75 more to go. What's
this one?

SOPHOMORE
(takes a deep breath)
Two wavy lines?

VENKMAN
(burying the card)
Sorry. This isn't your day.

He zaps him again but this time the Sophomore really jumps.

SOPHOMORE
(angry)
Hey! I'm getting a little tired of
this.

VENKMAN
You volunteered, didn't you?
Aren't we paying you for this?

SOPHOMORE
Yeah, but I didn't know you were
going to give me electric shocks.
What are you trying to prove?

VENKMAN
I'm studying the effect of negative
reinforcement on ESP ability.

SOPHOMORE
I'll tell you the effect! It
pisses me off!
6.

VENKMAN
Then my theory was correct.

The Sophomore gets up, pulls the electrodes off his
fingertips and exits.

SOPHOMORE
(as he goes)
Keep the five bucks. I've had it!

Venkman turns back to the Coed and shrugs.

VENKMAN
Well, I guess some people have it
and some don't.

COED
(provocatively)
Do you think I have it, Dr.
Venkman?

VENKMAN
Definitely. I think you may be a
very gifted telepath.

Suddenly the door opens and RAY STANTZ enters.

STANTZ
He is Venkman's colleague and best
friend. A hard scientist with a
good academic background, Stantz is
a maverick who genuinely loves a
challenge. At the moment, he seems
really keyed up.

STANTZ (CONT’D)
Drop everything, Venkman. We got
one.

He starts rummaging through cabinets and drawers, gathering
up a variety of electronic devices.

VENKMAN
He frowns at the intrusion and
turns to the Coed.

VENKMAN (CONT’D)
Excuse me for a minute.
(he crosses to Stantz)
Ray, I'm right in the middle of
something here. Can you come back
in about an hour?
7.

STANTZ
(excited, but hushed and
confidential)
Peter, at 1:40 this afternoon at
the main branch of the New York
Public Library on Fifth Avenue, ten
people witnessed a free-roaming,
vaporous, full-torso apparition.
It blew books from shelves at
twenty feet away. Scared the socks
off some poor librarian.

VENKMAN
(unimpressed)
Sure. That's great, Ray. I think
you should get down there right
away and check it out. Let me know
what happens.

STANTZ
(insistent)
No, this one's for real, Peter.
Spengler went down there and took
some PKE readings. Right off the
top of the scale. Buried the
needle. We're close this time. I
can feel it.

Venkman looks at Stantz, then back at the Coed, torn between
duty and pleasure.

VENKMAN
(decides)
Okay. Just give me a second here.
(he crosses back to the
Coed)
I have to leave now but if you've
got some time I'd like you to come
back this evening and do some more
work with me.

COED
Eight o'clock?

VENKMAN
(lying again)
I was just going to say "eight."
You're fantastic!

He waves good-bye and exits with Stantz.
8.
Genres: ["Horror","Comedy","Fantasy"]

Summary The scene opens with a Librarian spotting a haunting apparition and screaming. In a separate scene, Dr. Peter Venkman performs an ESP experiment on two students, administering electric shocks to the male participant while the female volunteer accurately guesses symbols. However, Ray Stantz's sudden entry brings news of a supernatural occurrence at the New York Public Library, forcing Venkman to abandon his experiment with the female student, promising to return later. The scene ends with Venkman and Stantz rushing off to investigate the reported paranormal sighting.
Strengths
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Unique concept
  • Mix of genres
Weaknesses
  • Some cliched character interactions
  • Lack of depth in secondary characters

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively sets up the premise of the story by introducing paranormal activity and psychic abilities in a suspenseful yet humorous manner.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of paranormal studies and psychic abilities is intriguing and sets the stage for the supernatural elements of the story.

Plot: 8

The plot advances as the characters discover a real paranormal event at the library, setting up the main conflict of the story.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on paranormal investigation by incorporating elements of humor and unconventional testing methods. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and add depth to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 7

The characters of Venkman and Stantz are introduced with distinct personalities that drive the narrative forward.

Character Changes: 6

The characters' beliefs and attitudes towards the paranormal are challenged, setting up potential character growth in future scenes.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to maintain his facade of confidence and charm while dealing with the challenges of his work. This reflects his need for validation and success in his field, as well as his fear of failure or being exposed as a fraud.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to investigate a paranormal activity at the New York Public Library. This reflects the immediate challenge he faces in balancing his work responsibilities with his personal desires.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict between the characters' skepticism and the reality of paranormal activity creates tension and drives the story forward.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the conflict between the characters and the ethical dilemma of using negative reinforcement adding depth to the narrative. The audience is left wondering how the characters will navigate these challenges.

High Stakes: 7

The discovery of real paranormal activity raises the stakes for the characters and sets the tone for the challenges they will face.

Story Forward: 8

The scene introduces a significant plot point that propels the story forward and sets up the main conflict.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in the ESP testing and the introduction of the paranormal investigation plot. The audience is kept on their toes, unsure of what will happen next.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the ethical dilemma of using negative reinforcement in ESP testing. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs about the methods used in his field and raises questions about the morality of his actions.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The scene elicits fear, excitement, and amusement from the audience, setting the tone for the rest of the story.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is engaging and reveals the characters' personalities while moving the plot forward.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the witty dialogue, fast-paced interactions, and the blend of humor and suspense. The tension between the characters and the mystery of the paranormal activity keep the audience hooked.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a balance of tension-building moments and character interactions. The rhythm of the dialogue and actions contributes to the effectiveness of the scene.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions. The dialogue is well-paced and adds depth to the characters.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness in building tension and engaging the audience.


Critique
  • The scene lacks depth and development, as it is very brief and lacks significant dialogue or character interaction.
  • The transition from the previous scene in the library to the university setting is abrupt and could be smoother.
  • The introduction of Dr. Peter Venkman and Ray Stantz feels rushed and lacks a proper build-up or introduction to their characters.
  • The dialogue between Venkman and the Coed feels forced and lacks authenticity, especially with Venkman's constant lying.
  • There is a missed opportunity to create tension and suspense in the scene, as the focus shifts too quickly from the paranormal sighting in the library to the ESP test at the university.
Suggestions
  • Consider expanding the scene to include more interaction between the characters and build up the tension leading to the paranormal sighting.
  • Introduce Dr. Peter Venkman and Ray Stantz in a more engaging and natural way, allowing the audience to connect with their characters.
  • Work on making the dialogue more realistic and authentic, avoiding unnecessary lies or forced interactions.
  • Create a smoother transition between the library setting and the university, ensuring a seamless flow between scenes.
  • Focus on building suspense and intrigue in the scene to keep the audience engaged and interested in the unfolding events.



Scene 3 -  The Library Investigation
10 EXT. PUBLIC LIBRARY -- DAY 10

Venkman and Stantz arrive in a taxi and trot up the front
steps. Stantz is loaded down with equipment.

STANTZ
Spengler and I have charted every
psychic occurrence in the Tri-State
area for the past two years. The
graph we came up with definitely
points to something big.

VENKMAN
Ray, as your friend I have to tell
you I think you've really gone
around the bend on this ghost
stuff. You've been running your
ass off for two years checking out
every schizo in the Five Boroughs
who thinks he's had an experience.
And what have you seen?

STANTZ
What do you mean by "seen?"

VENKMAN
Looked at with your eyes.

STANTZ
Well, I was at an unexplained
multiple high-altitude rockfall
once.

VENKMAN
Uh-huh. I've heard about the
rockfall, Ray. I think you've been
spending too much time with
Spengler.

11 INT. MAIN READING ROOM -- DAY 11

EGON SPENGLER is looking for spirits when Venkman and Stantz
arrive. Spengler is a real egghead, a New Wave Mr. Spock,
who single-handedly got Venkman through graduate school.
Spengler is incredibly intelligent but amazingly dense at
the same time. At the moment he is listening to a table
using a stethoscope connected to stereo earphones. Venkman
comes up behind him and taps on the table to get his
attention.

VENKMAN
Egon?
9.

Spengler hears the tapping and thinks he's made contact with
the spirit world. Then Venkman slams a heavy book down on
the table.

VENKMAN (CONT'D)
Egon!

Spengler jumps at the deafening noise in his earphones and
turns to see Venkman and Stantz.

SPENGLER
Oh! You're here.

VENKMAN
What have you got, Egon?

SPENGLER
Oh, this is big, Peter. This is
very big. There's definitely
something here.

VENKMAN
Egon, somehow this reminds me of
the time you tried to drill a hole
in your head. Do you remember
that?

HEAD LIBRARIAN
A choleric, middle-aged civil
servant, MR. DELACORTE, hurries
over to meet them.

HEAD LIBRARIAN (CONT’D)
(nervous)
Hello, I'm Roger Delacorte - the
Head Librarian. Are you the men
from the University?

VENKMAN
Yes. I'm Dr. Venkman and this is
Dr. Stantz.

HEAD LIBRARIAN
(leads them off)
Thank you for coming. I'd
appreciate it if we could take care
of this quickly and quietly.

VENKMAN
One thing at a time. We don't even
know what it is yet.
10.
Genres: ["Comedy","Horror","Sci-Fi"]

Summary Venkman and Stantz join Spengler at the library to investigate paranormal activity. Spengler is convinced he has detected something significant, but Venkman is skeptical. The Head Librarian is concerned and asks them to handle the situation discreetly.
Strengths
  • Witty dialogue
  • Unique concept
  • Engaging characters
Weaknesses
  • Lack of emotional depth
  • Limited character development

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively combines humor, suspense, and scientific elements to engage the audience. The witty dialogue and introduction of the ghost investigation concept make it entertaining and intriguing.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of investigating ghosts in a scientific manner is unique and interesting. It sets up the premise of the movie and introduces the main characters in a compelling way.

Plot: 8

The plot moves forward as the characters investigate the ghost sighting at the library. It sets up the conflict and establishes the tone of the movie.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the supernatural investigation genre, combining elements of humor and skepticism in a unique way. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging, adding depth to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-defined and each has a distinct personality. Their interactions and dialogue drive the scene forward.

Character Changes: 6

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the dynamics between the characters are established.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to convince his friend, Stantz, that his obsession with ghosts and psychic occurrences may be misguided. This reflects the protagonist's desire for rationality and skepticism in the face of the supernatural.

External Goal: 7.5

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to investigate a potential paranormal activity at the library. This reflects the immediate challenge they are facing and their expertise in dealing with such phenomena.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict of investigating a ghost sighting adds tension and suspense to the scene.

Opposition: 7.5

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting beliefs and motivations driving the characters' interactions. The uncertainty of the paranormal investigation adds a layer of complexity and challenge to the protagonist's goals.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are raised as the characters investigate a potentially dangerous supernatural occurrence.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing the ghost investigation plot and setting up the main conflict.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in the characters' interactions and the mysterious nature of the paranormal investigation. The audience is kept on their toes, unsure of what will happen next.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between belief in the supernatural and skepticism. Stantz represents belief in the paranormal, while Venkman embodies skepticism and rationality. This conflict challenges the protagonist's beliefs and values, as they navigate the unknown.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The scene focuses more on humor and suspense than emotional depth, but there is a sense of excitement and nervousness.

Dialogue: 9

The witty and humorous dialogue adds depth to the characters and keeps the audience engaged. It establishes the relationships between the characters and sets the tone of the movie.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its witty dialogue, intriguing premise, and dynamic character interactions. The blend of humor and suspense keeps the audience invested in the story.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a good balance of dialogue, action, and description. The rhythm of the scene contributes to its effectiveness in building tension and maintaining the audience's interest.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting. The visual descriptions and action lines are concise and engaging.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness in building tension and intrigue.


Critique
  • The scene starts with Venkman and Stantz arriving at the public library, but the transition from the taxi to the library entrance could be smoother to enhance the flow of the scene.
  • The dialogue between Venkman and Stantz feels a bit forced and lacks depth. It could benefit from more natural and engaging conversation to better establish their characters and relationship.
  • The introduction of Spengler in the main reading room is intriguing, but the interaction between him and Venkman could be more dynamic and reflective of their history together. This would add depth to their relationship and make the scene more engaging.
  • The Head Librarian's introduction feels a bit rushed and could be developed further to establish the urgency and seriousness of the situation at the library.
  • The humor in the scene, such as Venkman's reference to Egon's past actions, is a nice touch but could be integrated more seamlessly into the dialogue to enhance the comedic effect.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief transition scene between the taxi arrival and the library entrance to improve the flow of the scene.
  • Work on developing more natural and engaging dialogue between Venkman and Stantz to better establish their characters and relationship.
  • Enhance the interaction between Spengler and Venkman to reflect their history and add depth to their relationship.
  • Expand on the Head Librarian's introduction to establish the urgency and seriousness of the situation at the library.
  • Integrate humor more seamlessly into the dialogue to enhance the comedic effect and make it more impactful.



Scene 4 -  Ghostly Encounter in the Stacks
12 INT. AN OFFICE -- A LITTLE LATER 12

Venkman is questioning the plump Librarian who saw the
spirit, while a Paramedic continues treating her for shock.

LIBRARIAN
I don't remember seeing any legs,
but it definitely had arms because
it reached for me.

STANTZ
(excited)
Arms! Great! I can't wait to get
a look at this thing.

Venkman glowers at him, still skeptical.

VENKMAN
(to the girl)
All right, miss. Have you or has
any member of your family ever been
diagnosed schizophrenic or mentally
incompetent?

LIBRARIAN
Well, my uncle thought he was St.
Jerome.

VENKMAN
(looks at Stantz)
I'll call that a big "yes."
(to the girl)
Do you yourself habitually use
drugs, stimulants or alcohol?

LIBRARIAN
No.

VENKMAN
I thought not. And one last thing.
Are you currently menstruating?

HEAD LIBRARIAN
(shocked)
What's that got to do with it?

VENKMAN
(snaps)
Back off, man! I'm a scientist!

THE DOOR
Spengler sticks his head in.
11.

SPENGLER
(excited)
It's moving!

Stantz and Venkman rush out.

13 INT. DEEP IN THE STACKS -- DAY 13

They come slowly down the dark aisle with Spengler leading,
taking constant readings. Their faces are lit mainly by the
light of their own monitoring and recording equipment.

HIGH POV
Looking down on them from the
spectral point of view.

14 A SPIRAL STAIRCASE 14

One by one, Venkman, Stantz and Spengler come down the
tightly winding, old iron staircase. They are scared.
Books are strewn all over the floor.

A BOOKSHELF
The books start to slide forward
then the whole shelving unit
topples over and almost crushes the
team under a ton of books. They
jump to safety.

VENKMAN
Nice.
(out loud)
Hello...

Spengler looks at his meters and silently points at a dark
aisle intersecting the one they're in. The team inches
toward it.

SPENGLER
It's here.

They stop at the corner.

15 INT. THE DARK AISLE -- DAY 15

The team peeks around the corner and looks toward camera.

16 THEIR POV -- DAY 16

An ethereal presence is hovering between the stacks about
four feet off the ground. It seems to waver on the edge of
being and non-being, then a large legless, headless torso
begins to emerge.
12.

17 VENKMAN, STANTZ AND SPENGLER 17

They stand there amazed.

STANTZ
(whispers)
What is it?

VENKMAN
It looks like a big pair of breasts
and a pot belly.

18 THE TORSO -- DAY 18

A head and arms begin to form. The apparition is now
unmistakably a full-bodied, somewhat elderly lady.

SPENGLER
It's a woman.

He edges closer to take valence readings. Stantz starts
snapping infra-red photos of it.

STANTZ
(excited)
I told you it's real.

VENKMAN
(whispers)
What do we do now?

STANTZ
(whispers back)
I don't know. Talk to it.

VENKMAN
(nods in agreement then
hesitates)
What do I say?

STANTZ
Anything! Just make contact.

VENKMAN
(takes a deep breath,
then addresses the
specter)
Hey, Lady?
(the apparition turns and
seems to look right past
them)
Lady! Can you talk? Who are you?
(no answer) (to Stantz)
(MORE)
13.
VENKMAN (CONT'D)
This is not working. Think of
something else.

STANTZ
(sotto voce)
Okay. Okay. I got it. I know
what to do. Stay close. I have a
plan.

He starts moving closer to the apparition. Venkman and
Spengler edge closer, fighting their fear. They stop just a
few feet from the vision.

STANTZ (CONT'D)
(whispers)
Okay, now do exactly as I say.
Everybody ready?

VENKMAN & SPENGLER
Ready.

STANTZ
Okay...
(shouts)

19 GET HER!!! 19

He leaps at the apparition. Venkman and Spengler jump
reflexively at almost the same moment but they all end up on
the floor grabbing at thin air.

20 THE GHOST -- DAY 20

She drops back a few feet, looms up into a raging demonlike
specter and blasts them with a rush of hot breath as she
mouths a single word.

THE GHOST
(roars)

21 QUIET! 21

22 VENKMAN, STANTZ AND SPENGLER 22

They scream and fall backwards.
Genres: ["Comedy","Horror"]

Summary In the darkened stacks of a library, Venkman grills a shaken librarian about a haunting. As Stantz revels in excitement and Spengler tracks the spectral presence, they confront the ghost. Stantz's ill-timed command unleashes its wrath, transforming it into a raging demon that blasts them with its fiery breath.
Strengths
  • Witty dialogue
  • Mix of humor and suspense
  • Engaging plot progression
Weaknesses
  • Stereotypical character dynamics
  • Lack of significant character development

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively combines humor, suspense, and excitement to create an engaging and entertaining supernatural encounter.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of scientists investigating a ghostly presence in a library is intriguing and well-executed.

Plot: 8

The plot is well-paced and keeps the audience engaged with the mystery of the ghostly encounter.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the supernatural encounter trope by incorporating scientific skepticism and humor. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 7

The characters are distinct and play off each other well, adding humor and depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 6

While there is not a significant character arc in this scene, the characters' reactions to the supernatural encounter show some growth.

Internal Goal: 8

Venkman's internal goal in this scene is to maintain his skepticism and scientific approach to the supernatural, despite the increasingly eerie and unexplainable events unfolding before him.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to investigate and make contact with the ghostly apparition, despite his fear and uncertainty.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between the scientists and the ghost creates tension and drives the scene forward.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, as the characters face a powerful and unpredictable ghostly apparition that challenges their beliefs and actions.

High Stakes: 7

The high stakes come from the unknown nature of the ghostly presence and the potential danger it poses to the characters.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by introducing the ghostly encounter and setting up the investigation.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected turn of events, such as the ghostly apparition's transformation and the characters' failed attempt to make contact.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the clash between scientific skepticism and the supernatural belief in ghosts. This challenges Venkman's worldview as a scientist.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The mix of fear, excitement, and humor evokes a range of emotions in the audience.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is witty, humorous, and drives the scene forward with character interactions.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its blend of humor, tension, and supernatural elements, keeping the audience intrigued and invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, leading to a climactic encounter with the ghostly apparition.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, effectively conveying the action and dialogue.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene effectively builds tension and mystery, leading to a climactic encounter with the ghostly apparition.


Critique
  • The scene starts off with Venkman questioning the plump Librarian in a rather insensitive and unprofessional manner, asking inappropriate and irrelevant questions. This can come off as disrespectful and diminish the credibility of the characters.
  • The dialogue between the characters lacks depth and emotional resonance, making the interaction feel superficial and lacking in authenticity.
  • The transition from the questioning of the Librarian to the discovery of the ghost is abrupt and could be smoother to maintain the flow of the scene.
  • The description of the ghost as a 'big pair of breasts and a pot belly' is objectifying and reduces the supernatural entity to a mere physical appearance, which can be seen as derogatory and inappropriate.
  • The climax of the scene where Stantz shouts 'GET HER!!!' and the ghost transforms into a raging demon feels rushed and lacks a buildup of tension and suspense.
Suggestions
  • Consider revising Venkman's questioning of the Librarian to be more respectful and professional, focusing on relevant information and showing empathy towards her shock.
  • Enhance the dialogue between the characters to add depth and emotional authenticity, making the interaction more engaging and believable.
  • Work on the transition between the questioning of the Librarian and the discovery of the ghost to create a smoother flow and maintain the audience's engagement.
  • Avoid objectifying descriptions of supernatural entities and focus on creating a sense of mystery and intrigue around the ghost's appearance.
  • Build up the tension and suspense leading to the climax of the scene where Stantz shouts 'GET HER!!!' to create a more impactful and thrilling moment.



Scene 5 -  Confrontation at the Lab
23 EXT. LIBRARY -- MAIN ENTRANCE - DAY 23

They burst through the doors and onto the broad steps, both
terrified and exhilarated by their first real contact with
the supernatural. The Head Librarian rushes out the door
after them and chases them down the steps.
14.

HEAD LIBRARIAN
(very agitated)
Did you see it? What was it?

VENKMAN
We'll get back to you.

24 EXT. COLUMBIA UNIVERSITY -- DAY. 24

Venkman, Stantz and Spengler head for their lab in Weaver
Hall. Spengler makes rapid calculations as Venkman and
Stantz argue.

VENKMAN
(steamed)
"Get her?" That was your whole
plan? You call that science?

STANTZ
(exultant)
I guess I got a little overexcited.
Wasn't it incredible! I'm telling
you, this is a first. You know
what this could mean to the
University?

VENKMAN
(sarcastic)
Oh, yeah. This could be bigger
than the microchip. They'll
probably throw out the entire
engineering department and turn
their building over to us. We're
probably the first serious
scientists to ever molest a dead
old lady.

SPENGLER
(consulting his mini-
computer)
I wouldn't say the experience was
completely wasted. Based on these
new readings, I think we have an
excellent chance of actually
catching a ghost and holding it
indefinitely.

Venkman stops dead in his tracks, stunned by the news.
Stantz and Spengler continue walking.

STANTZ
(to Spengler; excited)
Then we were right! This is great.
(MORE)
15.
STANTZ (CONT'D)
And if the ionization rate is
constant for all ectoplasmic
entities, I think we could really
kick ass -- in the spiritual sense.

Venkman catches up with them again.

VENKMAN
Spengler, are you serious about
actually catching a ghost?

SPENGLER
I'm always serious.

VENKMAN
(his mind reeling at the
possibilities)
Wow!

25 EXT. WEAVER HALL -- A LITTLE LATER 25

They approach the entrance to the psychology department
talking excitedly. Venkman stops at the door and turns to
Spengler.

VENKMAN
Egon, I take back everything I ever
said about you. Take this.
(he hands him a candy
bar)
You earned it.

They enter the building with Spengler greedily devouring the
candy bar.

26 INT. WEAVER HALL -- DAY 26

They walk through the hall, then down the stairs to the
basement.

VENKMAN
(his mind racing)
If you guys are right, if we can
actually trap a ghost and hold it
somehow, I think I could win the
Nobel Prize.

STANTZ
(protests)
If anyone deserves it, it's
Spengler and me. We're doing all
the hard research and designing the
equipment.
16.

VENKMAN
Yeah, but I introduced you guys.
You never would've met if not for
me. That's got to be worth
something.

27 INT. THE BASEMENT -- DAY 27

A Workman in painter pants is at the door as Venkman, Stantz
and Spengler approach and enter the lab. As soon as the
door closes behind them, the Workman starts scraping their
names off the door with a razor blade.

28 INT. THE LAB -- DAY 28

As they enter, janitorial and maintenance personnel are busy
dismantling their apparatus and equipment. DEAN YAEGER is
supervising. Venkman confronts him.

VENKMAN
(shocked)
I trust you're moving us to a
better space somewhere on campus.

DEAN YAEGER
No, we're moving you OFF CAMPUS.
The Board of Regents has decided to
terminate your grant. You are to
vacate these premises immediately.

VENKMAN
This is preposterous! I demand an
explanation.

DEAN YAEGER
Fine. This University will no
longer continue any funding of any
kind for your group's activities.

VENKMAN
But why? The students love us!

DEAN YAEGER
Dr. Venkman, we believe that the
purpose of science is to serve
mankind. You, however, seem to
regard science as some kind of
"dodge" or "hustle." Your theories
are the worst kind of popular
tripe, your methods are sloppy and
your conclusions are highly
questionable.
(MORE)
17.
DEAN YAEGER (CONT'D)
You're a poor scientist, Dr.
Venkman, and you have no place in
this department or in this
University.

VENKMAN
I see.

STANTZ
(to Venkman)
You said you floored 'em at the
Regents' meeting.

VENKMAN
(righteous)
Ray, I apologize.
(looking at Dean Yaeger)
I guess my confidence in the
Regents was misplaced. They did
this to Galileo, too.

DEAN YAEGER
It could be worse, Dr. Venkman.
They took the astronomer Phileas
and staked his head to the town
gate.
Genres: ["Comedy","Fantasy","Science Fiction"]

Summary Venkman, Stantz, and Spengler flee from the library after their first encounter with a ghost and seek refuge in their lab at Columbia University. Excited by the possibilities, they're met with disappointment when Dean Yaeger informs them their grant has been terminated and they must leave the premises.
Strengths
  • Witty dialogue
  • Engaging conflict
  • Character development
Weaknesses
  • Some cliched elements
  • Predictable outcome

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is engaging, humorous, and sets up a significant conflict for the characters. The mix of tones keeps the audience entertained and interested in the story.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of ghost-catching and the clash between science and the supernatural is well-developed and adds depth to the story. The introduction of high stakes and conflict raises the tension in the scene.

Plot: 7

The plot progresses as the Ghostbusters face a setback with the termination of their grant, setting up a new challenge for the team. The conflict between the team and the Dean adds layers to the story.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh and original take on the supernatural genre by combining elements of comedy, science fiction, and academic satire. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging, adding to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters' personalities shine through in their dialogue and actions, showcasing their wit, determination, and humor. The conflict with the Dean reveals more about their motivations and relationships.

Character Changes: 7

The characters face a significant change in their circumstances with the termination of their grant, forcing them to adapt and find new solutions. This challenge tests their relationships and motivations.

Internal Goal: 8

Venkman's internal goal in this scene is to prove his worth as a scientist and researcher, as well as to maintain his confidence and reputation in the face of adversity.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to secure funding for their research and continue their work on capturing ghosts.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between the Ghostbusters and the Dean is intense and confrontational, adding tension to the scene. The stakes are raised as the team's future is threatened, creating a sense of urgency.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, as the protagonist faces significant challenges to their research and academic standing. The audience is left unsure of how the characters will overcome these obstacles.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high as the Ghostbusters face the loss of their funding and the threat of being kicked out of the University. The team's future and reputation are on the line, adding urgency to the scene.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing a new conflict and challenge for the Ghostbusters team. The termination of the grant sets up future obstacles and developments in the plot.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected turn of events, such as the protagonist's grant being terminated and the philosophical conflict with the Dean.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between the traditional views of academia and scientific research, represented by Dean Yaeger, and the unconventional methods and beliefs of the protagonist, Venkman.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The scene elicits a range of emotions from humor to surprise to disbelief, engaging the audience in the characters' struggles. The termination of the grant adds a layer of uncertainty and tension.

Dialogue: 9

The witty and sarcastic dialogue adds humor and depth to the scene, highlighting the characters' personalities and the escalating conflict. The dialogue drives the plot forward and keeps the audience engaged.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the dynamic interactions between characters, the high stakes of their research being threatened, and the comedic elements that add levity to the tense situation.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and maintaining the audience's interest. The rapid dialogue exchanges and shifting dynamics between characters contribute to the scene's rhythm and flow.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and easy to follow, with proper scene headings, dialogue formatting, and action descriptions. It aligns with the expected format for a screenplay in this genre.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with well-defined character interactions and plot progression. It adheres to the expected format for a comedy screenplay.


Critique
  • The transition from the library to Columbia University feels a bit abrupt and could be smoother to maintain the flow of the story.
  • The dialogue between Venkman, Stantz, and Spengler could be more dynamic and engaging to capture the audience's attention.
  • The confrontation with Dean Yaeger lacks depth and could benefit from more tension and emotion to make the scene more impactful.
  • The scene lacks visual descriptions and details that could enhance the setting and atmosphere, making it more immersive for the audience.
  • The pacing of the scene could be improved by balancing the dialogue with action and visual elements to keep the audience engaged.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a transition scene between the library and Columbia University to provide a smoother transition and maintain the story's continuity.
  • Enhance the dialogue between the characters by adding more conflict, humor, or depth to make the interactions more engaging and memorable.
  • Add more emotional depth to the confrontation with Dean Yaeger by exploring the characters' motivations and reactions to create a more impactful scene.
  • Include more visual descriptions and details to paint a vivid picture of the setting and characters, enhancing the overall atmosphere of the scene.
  • Work on balancing dialogue, action, and visual elements to improve the pacing of the scene and keep the audience interested and invested in the story.



Scene 6 -  The Birth of Ghostbusters
29 EXT. COLUMBIA UNIVERSITY -- DAY -- A LITTLE LATER 29

Stantz and Venkman are sitting on a bench both looking
desolate.

STANTZ
(shaking his head)
This is like a major disgrace.
Forget M.I.T. or Stanford now ...
they wouldn't touch us with a three-
meter cattle prod.

VENKMAN
You're always so worried about your
reputation. We don't need the
University. Einstein did his best
stuff while he was working as a
patent clerk.'They can't stop
progress.

STANTZ
(not cheered)
Do you know what a patent clerk
makes? I liked the University.
They gave us money, they gave us
the facilities and we didn't have
to produce anything!
(MORE)
18.
STANTZ (CONT'D)
I've worked in the private sector.
They expect results. You've never
been out of college. You don't
know what it's like out there.

VENKMAN
(with visionary zeal)
Let me tell you, Ray, everything in
life happens for a reason. Call it
fate, call it luck, Karma,
whatever. I think we were destined
to get kicked out of there.

STANTZ
For what purpose?

VENKMAN
(with real conviction)
To go into business for ourselves.

Stantz is immediately intrigued by the idea but voices his
reservations.

STANTZ
I don't know. That costs money.
And the ecto-containment system we
have in mind will require a load of
bread to capitalize. Where would we
get the money?

30 EXT. WIDE ANGLE VIEW OF MANHATTAN -- DAY 30

31 EXT. AVENUE OF THE AMERICAS -- DAY 31

Venkman, Stantz and Spengler emerge from the Irving Trust
headquarters, all neatly dressed in suits.

VENKMAN
You'll never regret this, Ray.

STANTZ
(perturbed)
My parents left me that house, I
was born there.

VENKMAN
You're not going to lose the house.
Everybody has three mortgages these
days.

STANTZ
But at nineteen percent interest!
You didn't even bargain with the
guy.
19.

SPENGLER
(calculating)
Just for your information, Ray, the
interest payments alone for the
first five years come to over
$75,000.

VENKMAN
Will you guys relax? We are on the
threshold of establishing the
indispensable defense science of
the next decade - Professional
Paranormal Investigations and
Eliminations. The franchise rights
alone will make us wealthy beyond
your wildest dreams.

STANTZ
But most people are afraid to even
report these things.

VENKMAN
Maybe. But no one ever advertised
before.

Stantz and Spengler exchange doubtful looks.

32 EXT. FIREHALL -- DAY 32

An abandoned brick, four-story fire station built by the
city around the turn of the century. It bears a coat of
faded red paint and legend above the garage door in chipped
gilt letters: Engine Company #93. The garage doors open
revealing Venkman standing in the white-tiled garage bay
with a middle aged REAL ESTATE WOMAN wearing a blazer.

33 INT. GARAGE BAY -- DAY 33

Venkman is looking around.

R/E WOMAN
Besides this, you've got another
substantial work area on the ground
floor, office space, sleeping
quarters and showers on the next
floor, and you have your full
kitchen on the top level. It's
10,000 square feet total.

SPENGLER
He comes out of the office area
with a pocket calculator.
20.

SPENGLER (CONT’D)
It's 9,642.55 square feet.

The Realtor frowns at Spengler.

R/E WOMAN
What is he -- your accountant?

STANTZ
He is looking at the shiny brass
fire pole.

STANTZ (CONT’D)
(shouts, loving it)
Wow! Does this pole still work?

VENKMAN
(considering but not
wanting to appear too
eager)
This might do ... I don't know ...
it just seems kind of "pricey" for
a fixer-upper, don't you think?
We're trying to keep our costs
down. You know how it is when
you're starting a new company.

R/E WOMAN
Yes, I know. What are you calling
your business?

STANTZ
Ghostbusters.

R/E WOMAN
Oh, well, this place is perfect for
it.
Genres: ["Comedy","Fantasy","Adventure"]

Summary Stantz and Venkman, recently expelled from Columbia University, discuss their future. Venkman convinces Stantz to take a risk and start their own business. They secure funding from the Irving Trust and consider an abandoned fire station as their potential headquarters for their new venture, Ghostbusters.
Strengths
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Unique concept
  • Humorous tone
Weaknesses
  • Some cliched elements
  • Predictable character dynamics

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is engaging, humorous, and sets up the premise of the story effectively. It introduces the main characters, establishes the conflict, and hints at the adventure to come.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of starting a ghostbusting business is fresh and intriguing. It sets the stage for a unique and entertaining story.

Plot: 8

The plot moves forward as the characters face challenges and make decisions that will shape their future. The scene sets up the main conflict and introduces the central goal of the characters.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the concept of paranormal investigations and entrepreneurship, blending humor with practical concerns. The characters' interactions and dialogue feel authentic and relatable.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-defined and each has a distinct personality that adds depth to the scene. Their interactions and dialogue reveal their motivations and relationships.

Character Changes: 7

The characters undergo a subtle change as they transition from their university life to embarking on a new business venture. Their perspectives and priorities shift.

Internal Goal: 8

Stantz's internal goal is to find purpose and direction after being kicked out of the university. He is grappling with the idea of starting a new business and the financial challenges that come with it.

External Goal: 9

The protagonist's external goal is to establish a successful business in paranormal investigations and eliminations. This goal reflects the immediate challenge of starting a new venture and securing funding.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

There is a moderate level of conflict as the characters face challenges and uncertainties regarding their future. The scene sets up the main obstacles they will have to overcome.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the characters facing financial challenges, skepticism, and uncertainty about their business prospects. The audience is kept on edge as they navigate these obstacles.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes are moderate as the characters face the risk of failure in their new venture. The scene hints at the challenges and obstacles they will have to overcome.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by establishing the main conflict, introducing the central goal of the characters, and setting up the premise for the rest of the narrative.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the characters' contrasting perspectives and the uncertainty surrounding their business venture. The audience is left wondering how they will overcome the challenges they face.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict revolves around the characters' differing views on fate, progress, and entrepreneurship. Stantz is more cautious and practical, while Venkman is optimistic and visionary.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The scene evokes a mix of emotions, including hope, excitement, and anxiety. It sets the stage for the characters' emotional journey.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is witty, engaging, and reveals the characters' personalities effectively. It adds humor and depth to the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its blend of humor, conflict, and character dynamics. The dialogue and interactions keep the audience invested in the characters' journey and decisions.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and momentum, leading to a climactic decision regarding the characters' business plans. The rhythm of the dialogue and actions keeps the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows standard formatting conventions for a screenplay, with clear scene descriptions, character cues, and dialogue formatting. The visual elements are effectively conveyed.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with well-defined character interactions and progression of events. The dialogue and actions flow naturally, contributing to the scene's effectiveness.


Critique
  • The scene effectively conveys the disappointment and uncertainty felt by Stantz and Venkman after being expelled from Columbia University. The dialogue captures their conflicting emotions, with Stantz feeling disgraced and Venkman trying to maintain a positive outlook.
  • There is a good balance between the characters' reactions and the unfolding events, creating a sense of realism and relatability.
  • The scene sets up the transition from academia to entrepreneurship well, highlighting the challenges and doubts the characters face in starting their own business.
  • The dialogue between Venkman and Stantz showcases their differing perspectives and personalities, adding depth to their characters and setting up potential conflicts and resolutions in future scenes.
  • The introduction of the firehall as a potential headquarters for the Ghostbusters is a strong visual element that adds to the world-building and sets the stage for future developments.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more internal conflict within the characters to deepen their emotional arcs and provide opportunities for growth and development.
  • Explore the financial challenges and practical considerations of starting a business in more detail to add realism and depth to the narrative.
  • Enhance the interaction between the characters and the real estate woman to add humor and dynamics to the scene.
  • Introduce subtle hints or foreshadowing of future challenges or conflicts to build anticipation and intrigue for upcoming scenes.
  • Consider incorporating more visual descriptions and sensory details to immerse the audience in the setting and enhance the overall atmosphere of the scene.



Scene 7 -  Awkward Neighborly Encounter
34 EXT. UPPER WEST SIDE -- DAY 34

A high panoramic view of the city shows heavy traffic moving
up and down Central Park West on a beautiful sunny day.

EXT. 78th AND CENTRAL PARK WEST -- DAY

An unusual pre-war Gothic high-rise towers over the
neighborhood buildings. The top of the building includes an
elaborate decorative temple, complete with altar, stairs and
Babylonian columns. The late afternoon sun gives the
structure an oddly menacing quality. The camera PANS slowly
down to the street as DANA BARRETT, an attractive woman in
her late twenties, comes walking up to the building carrying
a cello case and a shopping bag full of groceries.
21.

Guys on the street check her out as she enters, but she
coolly ignores them.

35 INT. HIGH-RISE APARTMENT BUILDING -- LOBBY -- DAY 35

Dana crosses the lobby and gets into the elevator.

36 INT. THIRTY FIFTH FLOOR -- DAY 36

Dana gets off the elevator and goes to the door of her
apartment. As she unlocks it, the door to the next
apartment opens and Dana's neighbor, LOUIS TULLY, peeks his
head out the door. Louis is a shy nerd, hopelessly in love
with Dana.

LOUIS
Oh, Dana, it's you ...

DANA
(she's seen this before)
Hi, Louis.

LOUIS
... I thought it was the drug
store.

DANA
Are you sick, Louis?

Louis has broken the ice. He confidently exits his apartment
and approaches Dana. His door slams behind him as he
leaves.

LOUIS
Oh, no, I feel great. I just
ordered some more vitamins. I see
you were exercising. So was I. I
taped "20 Minute Workout" and
played it back at high speed so it
only took ten minutes and I got a
really good workout. You wanna have
a mineral water with me?

DANA
No thanks, Louis. I'm really
tired. I've been rehearsing all
morning.

LOUIS
Okay. I'll take a raincheck. I
always have plenty of mineral water
and other nutritious health foods,
but you know that.
(MORE)
22.
LOUIS (CONT'D)
Listen, that reminds me, I'm having
a party for all my clients. It's
gonna be my fourth anniversary as
an accountant. I know you fill out
your own tax return, but I'd like
you to come being that you're my
next door neighbor and all ...

DANA
Oh, that's nice, Louis. I'll stop
by if I'm around.

LOUIS
You know you shouldn't leave your
TV on so loud when you go out.
That creep down the hall phoned the
manager.

DANA
I thought I turned it off.
(she listens and hears
loud sound coming from
inside)
I guess I forgot.

Dana begins unlocking her door.

LOUIS
I climbed on the window ledge to
see if I could disconnect the cable
but I couldn't reach so I turned up
the sound on my TV real loud so
they'd think there was something
wrong with everybody's TV. You
know, you and I should really have
keys to each other's apartment ...

Her door closes leaving Louis stranded. He walks back to
his apartment muttering to himself.

LOUIS (CONT'D)
... in case of emergencies ...
(he discovers he has
locked himself out of his
apartment)
... like this one.

37 DANA' S APARTMENT -- DAY 37

A roomy, two-bedroom flat with a great view of the park.

She leaves the cello in the entrance hall, grabs the bag of
groceries and goes through the living room toward the
kitchen.
23.

Remembering Louis, she stops at the TV set to turn it off,
but a strange image on the screen catches her attention.

38 TV SCREEN 38
Genres: ["Comedy","Romance","Fantasy"]

Summary Dana Barrett enters her skyscraper apartment and politely declines her neighbor Louis Tully's offer of mineral water. Louis watches as she enters, feeling a mix of awkwardness and frustration at her repeated rejections.
Strengths
  • Quirky dialogue
  • Character development
  • Humorous interactions
Weaknesses
  • Lack of significant plot progression
  • Low emotional impact

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively introduces key characters, sets up potential conflicts, and establishes a light-hearted tone that engages the audience.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a shy nerd neighbor hopelessly in love with the protagonist is relatable and adds a comedic element to the scene. The introduction of a mysterious image on the TV screen hints at a potential supernatural element, adding intrigue.

Plot: 7

The plot introduces key characters, establishes potential conflicts, and hints at a larger supernatural mystery. The interactions between Dana and Louis set the stage for future developments.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a unique setting with the gothic high-rise building and explores the dynamics of neighborly interactions in a humorous and relatable way. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Dana and Louis are well-defined through their dialogue and interactions. Dana is portrayed as independent and focused, while Louis is portrayed as awkward and endearing. Their dynamic sets up potential character growth and relationship development.

Character Changes: 5

While there are subtle hints at potential character growth for Dana and Louis, significant changes do not occur within this scene. However, the groundwork is laid for future development.

Internal Goal: 8

Dana's internal goal in this scene is to maintain her independence and boundaries while dealing with her neighbor Louis's awkward advances. This reflects her desire for personal space and autonomy.

External Goal: 7

Dana's external goal is to navigate her interactions with Louis without causing conflict or discomfort. She wants to politely decline his invitations and maintain a cordial relationship as neighbors.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

The scene establishes potential conflicts through the interactions between Dana and Louis, as well as the mysterious image on the TV screen. These conflicts set the stage for future developments and add depth to the narrative.

Opposition: 6

The opposition in the scene is moderate, with Louis providing a small obstacle for Dana to navigate in their interactions.

High Stakes: 5

The stakes are relatively low in this scene, focusing more on character interactions and setting up potential conflicts. However, the introduction of the mysterious image on the TV screen hints at higher stakes to come.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by introducing key characters, setting up potential conflicts, and hinting at a larger supernatural mystery. It establishes a foundation for future plot developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected humor and twists in the interactions between Dana and Louis.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the clash between Louis's overly eager and intrusive behavior and Dana's desire for privacy and independence. It challenges Dana's values of boundaries and autonomy.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The scene elicits a mix of emotions, including humor, intrigue, and potential empathy for the characters. The awkward yet endearing nature of Louis adds a layer of emotional depth to the scene.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is witty, quirky, and humorous, reflecting the personalities of the characters. It effectively conveys information about the characters and sets the tone for future interactions.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the witty dialogue, awkward interactions, and relatable character dynamics that keep the audience invested in the story.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-balanced, allowing for comedic moments to land effectively and character interactions to unfold naturally.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows standard formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene headings and descriptions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a typical structure for a character-driven interaction, with clear setups and payoffs in the dialogue and actions.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear sense of direction or purpose, as it meanders through mundane interactions without building towards a significant event or revelation.
  • The dialogue between Dana and Louis feels forced and unnatural, with Louis' awkward attempts at conversation coming across as unrealistic.
  • The scene fails to create a sense of tension or intrigue, as the interactions between the characters lack depth or conflict.
  • The transition from Louis' awkward conversation to Dana noticing a strange image on the TV screen feels abrupt and disjointed.
  • There is a lack of visual storytelling or engaging visuals in the scene, making it feel flat and uninteresting.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more depth to the interactions between Dana and Louis to make their conversation more engaging and realistic.
  • Introduce a sense of mystery or suspense earlier in the scene to hook the audience and create anticipation for what is to come.
  • Ensure a smoother transition between Louis' conversation and Dana noticing the strange image on the TV screen to maintain a cohesive narrative flow.
  • Incorporate visual elements or details that enhance the atmosphere and mood of the scene, making it more visually engaging for the audience.
  • Focus on building towards a significant event or revelation in the scene to give it a sense of purpose and drive the story forward.



Scene 8 -  Supernatural Disturbances and Ghostbusting
39 INT. CHILDREN'S BEDROOM -- NIGHT 39

Two children, a BOY and a GIRL, are asleep in bed when
suddenly they are awakened by supernatural moaning and
groaning.

THE CHILDREN
They scream and jump out of bed.

THE DOOR
Their MOTHER and FATHER, rush in to
find the children cowering against
the wall.

FATHER
What is it? What's wrong?

THE KIDS
Look!

They point at the closet.

MOTHER
(to Father)
Oh, dear. It's that darn ghost
again. Can't you do something about
it.

FATHER
(helpless)
I've tried everything, honey! I
guess we'll just have to move.

The mother and the kids look at him with disappointment.

MOTHER
Gee, there must be a better way.

Stantz steps into the foreground.

STANTZ
Are you troubled by strange noises
in the night? Do you experience
feelings of dread in your basement
or attic? Have you or your family
actually seen a spook, specter or
ghost? If the answer is yes, then
don't wait another minute.
(MORE)
24.
STANTZ (CONT'D)
Just pick up the phone and call the
professionals -- Ghostbusters.

40 EXT. FIREHALL 40

Venkman, Stantz and Spengler are standing in front of the
Ghostbusters' sign. Spengler steps forward.

SPENGLER
(to camera)
Our courteous and efficient staff
is on call hours a day to serve all
your supernatural elimination
needs.

41 INT. RECEPTION AREA 41

Janine is seen answering the telephone with a big fake smile
on her face.

JANINE
(cheery)
Ghostbusters. We'll be right
there.

42 INT. CHILDREN'S BEDROOM 42

Spengler is taking PKE readings along the baseboards.
Stantz pops up from under the bed.

STANTZ
(smiling proudly)
Got him! I don't think you'll have
any more trouble with that ghost.

43 FATHER, MOTHER AND VENKMAN 43

They all look as pleased as punch as Venkman hands the
Father a bill.

FATHER
(looks at the total)
And it's economical, too!

MOTHER
How can we ever thank you?

VENKMAN
(big, cheesy smile)
All in a day's work, ma'am. After
all ...
(to camera)
... We're Ghostbusters.
(he winks)
25.

44 EXT. FRONT DOOR 44

Mother, Father and Kids wave goodbye to the Ghostbusters.

THE FAMILY
(sings)
If you have a ghost,

But you don't want to play host, You can't sleep at all, So
who do you call ... Ghostbusters - Ghostbusters.

45 VENKMAN, STANTZ AND SPENGLER 45

They smile at the camera as a phone number is supered on the
screen.

GHOSTBUSTERS
(in unison)
We're ready to believe you,

Dana turns off the TV set and goes into the kitchen.

46 INT. KITCHEN 46

Dana switches on the radio and starts unpacking groceries.
She sets a loaf of bread and a carton of eggs on the counter
and begins putting other items away in the pantry.

THE EGGS
The top of the carton pops open.
Then, one by one, the eggs erupt
and spill over onto the counter.
As the liquid contents hit the
countertop they sizzle. The eggs
begin to fry on the formica
surface.

DANA
She hears the sizzle, turns and
sees the eggs frying. She gasps,
then recovers and inspects the
mess. She touches the counter
gingerly, but it's not at all hot.
Deeply perplexed, she stands there
trying to think of an explanation.
Then a strange new sound attracts
her attention and she turns around
to see where it's coming from.

Dana hears the sound of muffled chanting coming from the
fridge. She pulls the door open and gets the shock of her
life. The inside of the fridge has been transformed into
the Gateway to another Realm -- a fiery path leading to a
temple door.
26.

On each side of the door is a strange, snarling creature
that could best be described as a TERROR DOG. Their front
claws are raised toward each other in a symbolic pose. The
incredible vision is accompanied by the unearthly chanting.

DANA (CONT’D)
She stands there transfixed by
horror, the flames reflecting in
her eyes.

THE FRIDGE
The chanting gets more frenetic and
ominous as the temple doors slowly
begin to open.

DANA
She is paralyzed.

47 THE TEMPLE DOORS 47

They continue to open. We feel a terrible presence within.

THE PRESENCE
(whispers loudly and
hoarsely)

48 ZUUL!!! 48

DANA
She screams and slams the
refrigerator door. Instantly,
everything is normal again. She
looks around the room.

THE EGGS
They are back in the carton,
unbroken.

DANA
Fighting her fear, she turns back
to the fridge and very slowly
reaches for the handle. Then
summoning all her courage, she
yanks open the door. Ketchup,
mustard, bottles of vitamins and
other food items fall out of the
rack on the inside of the
refrigerator door. Dana sighs with
relief as she sees nothing but the
cool white porcelain interior of
the fridge. She closes the door
and stands there for a moment still
shaken by the vision.
(MORE)
27.
DANA (CONT'D)
Then she shakes her head and leaves
the kitchen.
Genres: ["Horror","Comedy"]

Summary Children encounter a ghost, prompting a Ghostbusters call. Dana experiences eerie events at home, witnessing a gateway to another dimension emerge from her refrigerator.
Strengths
  • Effective blend of horror and comedy
  • Innovative introduction of supernatural elements
  • Engaging dialogue and character reactions
  • Suspenseful and entertaining atmosphere
Weaknesses
  • Some elements may be too fantastical for some audiences

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene effectively blends horror and comedy elements, creating a suspenseful and entertaining atmosphere. The introduction of the Gateway to Zuul adds a significant twist to the story, keeping the audience engaged and intrigued.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of a gateway to another realm and the presence of terror dogs are innovative and captivating. The scene introduces supernatural elements in a creative and unexpected way, setting up a major plot point for the story.

Plot: 8

The plot advances significantly with the introduction of the Gateway to Zuul, adding depth and complexity to the narrative. The escalating tension and shocking revelation enhance the overall storytelling.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the haunted house trope by incorporating humor and a unique solution to the haunting through the Ghostbusters service. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 7

The characters react realistically to the supernatural events, adding depth to their personalities. Dana's fear and shock are palpable, while the Ghostbusters' professionalism and humor provide a contrast to the horror elements.

Character Changes: 6

Dana experiences a significant change in her perception of reality after encountering the Gateway to Zuul. The Ghostbusters also showcase their expertise and professionalism in dealing with the supernatural.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to overcome their fear and find a solution to the supernatural disturbances in their home. This reflects their desire for safety and security for themselves and their family.

External Goal: 9

The protagonist's external goal is to rid their home of the ghost and find a way to live peacefully without fear. This goal is directly related to the immediate challenge they are facing with the haunting.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict between the characters and the supernatural forces is evident, especially with Dana's encounter with the Gateway to Zuul. The escalating tension and sense of danger raise the stakes for the characters.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the family facing a supernatural threat that challenges their beliefs and safety. The uncertainty of the ghost's presence adds to the tension and conflict.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high as Dana faces a terrifying supernatural entity in her own home. The revelation of the Gateway to Zuul raises the stakes even further, setting the stage for a climactic confrontation.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by introducing a major plot point with the Gateway to Zuul. It sets up future conflicts and developments, propelling the narrative towards its climax.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because it introduces unexpected supernatural elements and a unique solution to the haunting. The audience is kept on their toes by the sudden twists and turns.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the belief in the supernatural and the skepticism towards it. The family's initial disbelief in ghosts contrasts with the Ghostbusters' belief in and ability to deal with the paranormal.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from fear and shock to relief and amusement. Dana's terror and the Ghostbusters' humor create a dynamic emotional experience for the audience.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue effectively conveys the characters' emotions and reactions to the supernatural occurrences. Stantz's pitch for the Ghostbusters services and Dana's gasp of horror are particularly memorable.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it combines humor, suspense, and supernatural elements to create a compelling narrative. The characters' reactions and the resolution of the haunting keep the audience invested.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a gradual buildup of tension and suspense leading to the resolution of the haunting. The rhythm of the dialogue and actions enhances the effectiveness of the scene.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings, character actions, and dialogue. The formatting enhances the readability and flow of the scene.

Structure: 9

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the effectiveness of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene transitions abruptly from the children's bedroom to the Ghostbusters' successful ghostbusting operation, which may feel disjointed and rushed.
  • The dialogue between the family and the Ghostbusters feels forced and overly scripted, lacking in natural flow and authenticity.
  • The resolution of the ghost problem in the children's bedroom happens too quickly and easily, diminishing the tension and stakes of the scene.
  • The visual effects of the eggs frying and the transformation of the fridge into a gateway to another realm may come across as cheesy or over-the-top.
  • Dana's reaction to the terrifying vision in the fridge could be more nuanced and realistic, with a deeper exploration of her emotions and fear.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a smoother transition between the children's bedroom and the Ghostbusters' operation to improve the flow of the scene.
  • Work on making the dialogue between the family and the Ghostbusters more natural and organic, reflecting genuine interactions.
  • Introduce more obstacles or challenges in the ghostbusting process to build suspense and make the resolution more satisfying.
  • Refine the visual effects of the supernatural occurrences to strike a balance between realism and the fantastical elements of the story.
  • Develop Dana's character further by delving into her reactions and emotions in response to the terrifying vision in the fridge, adding depth to the scene.



Scene 9 -  The Birth of Ghostbusters
49 EXT. FIREHALL -- DAY 49

The garage bay door is open. Two painters on scaffolding
are completing a paint job on the front of the structure in
flat black paint. A carpenter finishes hanging a sign over
the door. It reads: GHOSTBUSTERS.

Then Stantz comes driving up in a very long, gold 1959
Cadillac ambulance and turns into the garage bay of the
firehall. The car has a battered look to it and rumbles
noisily due to a broken muffler.

50 INT. GARAGE BAY -- DAY 50

Stantz hits the siren and flashes the emergency lights as he
drives in. Venkman crosses to the car as Stantz jumps out
enthusiastically.

STANTZ
Everybody can relax. I found the
car. How do you like it?

VENKMAN
(not terribly pleased)
Do you think it's wide enough? How
much?

STANTZ
Fourteen hundred.

Venkman steps on the front bumper and rocks it. It wallows
badly.

STANTZ (CONT’D)
Just needs a little suspension work
... And a muffler ... And maybe
brakes.

51 RECEPTION AREA -- DAY 51

A bored-looking red-headed young woman, JANINE MELNITZ, sits
in a swivel chair behind the reception desk, putting another
coat of red polish on her heavily lacquered nails. Spengler
is on his hands and knees wiring up the telephone system.

JANINE
(with a definitive Queens
accent)
You're very handy, I can tell. I
bet you like to read a lot, too.
28.

SPENGLER
(looks up)
Print is dead.

JANINE
That's very fascinating to me. I
read a lot myself. Some people
think I'm too intellectual. But I
think reading is a fabulous way to
spend your spare time.
(he doesn't answer)
I also play racketball. Do you
ever play?

SPENGLER
Is that a game?

JANINE
It's a great game! You should play
sometime. I bet you'd be good.
You seem very athletic. Do you
have any hobbies?

SPENGLER
I collect spores, molds and fungus.

JANINE
Oh, that's very - unusual.

SPENGLER
I think it's the food of the
future.

JANINE
Remind me not to go to lunch with
you.

THE DOOR
Dana Barrett enters ance looks
around hesitantly,

VENKMAN
He springs into action.

VENKMAN (CONT’D)
(all charm)
Hello. I'm Peter Venkman. May I
help you?

DANA
Yes ... well ... I'm not sure.
What I have to say may sound a
little ... unusual.
29.

VENKMAN
We're all professionals here, Miss
...

DANA
Barrett. Dana Barrett.

They walk toward the inner office.

VENKMAN
Why don't you step into the office
and we'll talk about it.
(to Janine)
Hold all my calls, Janine.

JANINE
What calls?

Venkman frowns and exits with Dana.

52 INSERT -- TV MONITOR -- LATER 52

Dana is seen in close-up on a TV screen as she finishes
telling about her experience.

DANA
... and then I opened the door
again but it was gone. There was
nothing there.

VENKMAN
(off-camera)
So what do you think it was?
Genres: ["Comedy","Fantasy","Horror"]

Summary In the firehall of the newly painted Ghostbusters headquarters, the crew gathers and prepares for their first case. Stantz arrives in a beat-up Cadillac ambulance, which Venkman questions. Spengler ignores Janine's advances while Dana Barrett hesitantly arrives to share her strange experiences.
Strengths
  • Strong character introduction
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Blend of humor and supernatural elements
Weaknesses
  • Minimal character development
  • Moderate conflict level

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively introduces key characters, sets up the premise of the story, and blends humor with supernatural elements, creating an engaging and entertaining atmosphere.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a team of ghost hunters starting their own business is unique and intriguing, setting the stage for a mix of comedy and supernatural elements.

Plot: 7

The plot progresses by establishing the Ghostbusters team, their headquarters, and the mysterious occurrences surrounding Dana Barrett, setting up future conflicts and adventures.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh concept of ghostbusting as a business venture and features authentic character interactions and dialogue.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-defined, with distinct personalities and dynamics that drive the scene forward and set the tone for the rest of the story.

Character Changes: 5

There is minimal character change in this scene, but the introduction of the Ghostbusters team and their decision to start a business hint at potential growth and development.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to prove himself as a capable and successful entrepreneur in the face of skepticism and challenges.

External Goal: 9

The protagonist's external goal is to convince potential clients of the legitimacy and effectiveness of their ghostbusting services.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

There is a moderate level of conflict as the characters face challenges such as losing their grant and dealing with supernatural occurrences, setting up future conflicts.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create conflict and challenge the characters, keeping the audience engaged.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes are moderate as the characters face challenges such as losing their grant and dealing with supernatural occurrences, setting the stage for higher stakes in future events.

Story Forward: 8

The scene effectively moves the story forward by establishing key elements, introducing conflicts, and setting up future events, keeping the audience engaged and curious.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected interactions between characters and the introduction of the ghostbusting business.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

There is a philosophical conflict between the practical, skeptical worldview of Venkman and the intellectual, curious worldview of Janine. This challenges Venkman's beliefs and values.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The scene evokes curiosity, excitement, and a sense of mystery, laying the groundwork for emotional engagement with the characters and their journey.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is witty, engaging, and reveals the personalities of the characters, adding humor and depth to the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to the witty dialogue, unique characters, and the introduction of a mysterious and intriguing plot.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and humor, leading to a satisfying resolution.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene headings and character actions.

Structure: 9

The scene follows the expected structure for a comedy genre, with clear setups and payoffs in the dialogue and actions.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear sense of urgency or tension considering the significant events that have just transpired in the previous scenes. The tone is too casual and lacks the gravity of the situation.
  • The dialogue between Janine and Spengler feels forced and does not contribute to the overall plot or character development. It comes across as filler dialogue that does not add value to the scene.
  • The interaction between Venkman and Dana is underwhelming and lacks depth. There is a missed opportunity to build suspense and intrigue around Dana's unusual experience.
  • The visual descriptions are lacking in detail and fail to create a vivid image of the setting and characters. More descriptive language could enhance the reader's immersion in the scene.
  • The transition from the previous scene to this one feels abrupt and disjointed. There is a lack of continuity in tone and pacing, which disrupts the flow of the screenplay.
Suggestions
  • Introduce more tension and urgency into the scene to reflect the gravity of the situation. Consider adding elements of suspense and mystery to engage the audience.
  • Revise the dialogue between Janine and Spengler to make it more purposeful and relevant to the plot. Ensure that every line of dialogue serves a clear narrative or character-building purpose.
  • Enhance the interaction between Venkman and Dana to create a more compelling and dynamic exchange. Develop their relationship and the stakes of Dana's experience to heighten the drama.
  • Provide more detailed visual descriptions to paint a vivid picture of the setting and characters. Use descriptive language to create a rich and immersive atmosphere for the reader.
  • Improve the transition between scenes by establishing a stronger connection between the events that have unfolded. Ensure a smooth and coherent flow from one scene to the next to maintain the narrative momentum.



Scene 10 -  Dana's Mysterious Encounter
53 INT. OFFICE -- SAME TIME 53

Dana is hooked up to a lie detector. Spengler is monitoring
the readout and videotaping the interview. Venkman and
Stantz are listening intently, waiting for Dana's assessment
of her experience.

DANA
(after a long pause)
I think something in my
refrigerator is trying to get me.

Venkman stares at her, trying to make sense of her last
statement.

VENKMAN
Generally, you don't see that kind
of behavior in a major appliance.
What do you think, Egon?
30.

SPENGLER
(checking the polygraph)
She's telling the truth -- or at
least she thinks she is.

DANA
(defensive)
Why would anyone make up a thing
like that?

VENKMAN
Some people like the attention.
Some people are just crazy.

STANTZ
(muses)
You know, Peter, this could be a
past life experience intruding on
the present.

SPENGLER
Or even a race memory, stored in
the collective unconscious. And I
wouldn't rule out clairvoyance or
telepathic contact either.

Dana starts laughing. They all regard her curiously.

DANA
(trying to be serious)
I'm sorry. It's just that I don't
believe in any of these things. I
don't even know my sign.

SPENGLER
(checks his notes)
You're a Scorpio with your moon in
Leo and Aquarius rising.

DANA
Is that good?

VENKMAN
It means you're bright, ambitious,
outgoing and very, very sexy,

Dana looks at Venkman, flattered by the remark but more than
a little suspicious of his motives.

DANA
Is that your professional opinion?

VENKMAN
It's in the stars.
31.

STANTZ
Why don't I check out the building?
It may have a history of psychic
turbulence.

VENKMAN
Good idea.
(to Dana)
Were any other words spoken that
you remember?

DANA
No, just that one word -- Zuul --
but I have no idea what it means.

VENKMAN
Spengler, see if you can find the
word "Zuul" in any of the
literature. I'll take Miss Barrett
home and check out her apartment.

54 INT. DANA'S APARTMENT -- LATER THAT AFTERNOON 54

The door opens and Dana enters the darkened flat with
Venkman. She switches on the light and leads him to the
living room.

VENKMAN
Have you ever thought of moving out
-- at least until this disturbance
blows over?

DANA
No. If I moved out now I'd be
acknowledging that what happened
was real. I'm not ready to do
that.

Venkman sees the cello leaning up against the wall.

VENKMAN
You play the cello! It's my
favorite instrument.

DANA
Really? Do you have a favorite
piece?

VENKMAN
(thinks)
I'd have to say Prokofiev's third
concerto.
32.

DANA
That's a violin concerto.

VENKMAN
Yeah, but it's got a great cello
break.

He grabs the cello and starts playing it like a stand-up
base. Dana takes the instrument out of his hands and gently
puts it back in the case.

DANA
You really don't act like a
scientist.

VENKMAN
No? What do I act like?

DANA
Like a used car salesman.

VENKMAN
Thanks.
(he gets down to business
and starts looking around
the apartment)
What's in there?

He points to a door.

DANA
That's the bedroom, but nothing
ever happened in there.

She takes off her jacket.

VENKMAN
(noticing her body)
That's too bad.

DANA
What?

VENKMAN
Nothing. Is that the kitchen?

He points to another door.

DANA
(nods)
Uh-huh.

VENKMAN
Well, let's check it out.
33.

DANA
I'll wait here if you don't mind.

He enters the kitchen.

55 INT. THE KITCHEN -- DAY 55

The room is a real mess. Utensils are lying all over the
floor. The cabinets and walls are splattered with food.

VENKMAN
(calls out)
You're quite a housekeeper.

DANA
(off-camera)
I told you, I ...

VENKMAN
I know. It happened by itself.

He scans the room with his monitoring device.

VENKMAN (CONT'D)
Nothing.

He looks in a couple of cabinets, then confronts the
refrigerator. With mild trepidation he grasps the door
handle, then suddenly jerks it open. The handle comes off in
his hand.

VENKMAN (CONT'D)
Damn!

DANA
(off-camera)
Are you all right?

VENKMAN
Yeah, yeah.

He grips the side of the fridge door and pulls it open.

56 INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY 56

Dana stands there nervously watching the kitchen door.
Finally, it opens and Venkman comes out munching an apple.

VENKMAN
There's nothing there now and I
don't get any significant readings.
34.

DANA
This is terrible. Either there's a
monster in my kitchen or I'm
completely crazy.

VENKMAN
If it's any comfort to you, I don't
think you're crazy.

DANA
(laughs ironically)
Thanks. Coming from you that
really means a lot to me.

VENKMAN
I'm a qualified psychologist. I've
got a degree and everything. I
believe that something happened
here and I want to do something
about it.

DANA
All right. What do you want to do?

VENKMAN
I think I should spend the night
here.

DANA
(she's had enough)
That's it. Get out.

VENKMAN
On a purely scientific basis.

DANA
Out!

VENKMAN
I want to help you.

DANA
I'll scream.

VENKMAN
Don't scream.

DANA
(urging him to the door)
Then leave.
35.

VENKMAN
Okay, okay. But if anything else
happens, you have to promise you'll
call me.

DANA
(opening the door)
All right.

VENKMAN
Okay. Then I'll go.

DANA
Goodbye.

VENKMAN
(in the hall)
No kiss?

She closes the door in his face and triple locks it.
Genres: ["Comedy","Horror","Fantasy"]

Summary Dana Barrett undergoes a lie detector test, revealing her strange experience with something in her refrigerator. The Ghostbusters team listens and offers theories, but Dana remains skeptical. Venkman checks Dana's apartment but finds nothing amiss. He expresses interest in staying overnight to investigate, but Dana refuses and asks him to leave, leaving the mystery unresolved.
Strengths
  • Witty dialogue
  • Engaging concept
  • Character interactions
Weaknesses
  • Mild conflict
  • Limited emotional impact

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively combines humor with supernatural elements, keeping the audience engaged and entertained.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of investigating supernatural disturbances in a comedic way is well-executed and engaging.

Plot: 7

The plot progresses as the characters investigate the haunting in Dana's apartment, adding depth to the story.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the supernatural genre by blending scientific investigation with paranormal occurrences. The characters' interactions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging, adding originality to the familiar theme of ghostbusters.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters, especially Venkman and Dana, are well-developed and their interactions add humor and intrigue to the scene.

Character Changes: 5

There is a slight change in Dana's attitude towards Venkman throughout the scene.

Internal Goal: 8

Dana's internal goal in this scene is to understand and make sense of the strange experiences she's been having. She is grappling with the idea that something supernatural may be happening to her, which challenges her beliefs and understanding of the world.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to investigate the disturbances in her apartment and find out the meaning of the word 'Zuul.' This goal reflects the immediate challenge she is facing in dealing with the supernatural occurrences.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

There is a mild conflict between Dana and Venkman, adding tension to the scene.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Dana resisting Venkman's scientific approach to the supernatural occurrences. Her skepticism and reluctance create conflict and tension, adding depth to the investigation.

High Stakes: 5

The stakes are relatively low in this scene as the characters investigate a supernatural disturbance.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by introducing the investigation of the haunting in Dana's apartment.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in the investigation and the mysterious nature of the disturbances. The audience is kept on their toes, unsure of what will happen next.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the clash between scientific explanations and supernatural beliefs. The characters debate whether the disturbances are a result of past life experiences or psychic phenomena, highlighting the tension between rationality and mysticism.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The scene elicits a mix of emotions from amusement to curiosity to anxiety.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is witty, humorous, and reveals character personalities effectively.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the witty dialogue, mysterious elements, and character dynamics. The audience is drawn into the investigation and intrigued by the supernatural occurrences.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and suspense as the characters investigate the disturbances in Dana's apartment. The rhythm of the dialogue and actions keeps the audience engaged and interested.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings, character actions, and dialogue. The formatting enhances the readability and flow of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a supernatural investigation genre, with a clear setup, investigation, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness in building tension and mystery.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear sense of urgency or tension, considering the supernatural elements involved. The dialogue feels somewhat flat and lacks depth in exploring the characters' emotions and reactions.
  • The interaction between Venkman and Dana could be more dynamic and engaging, with a stronger focus on building suspense and mystery surrounding the supernatural occurrences in her apartment.
  • The transition between the lie detector test and the investigation in Dana's apartment feels abrupt and could be smoother to maintain the flow of the scene.
  • There is a missed opportunity to delve deeper into Dana's fear and confusion about the strange events happening in her home, which could add layers to her character and create a more compelling narrative.
  • The humor in the scene could be enhanced by sharper wit and more clever banter between Venkman and Dana, adding a lighter touch to the supernatural elements.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more suspense and tension to the scene by building up the supernatural elements and Dana's reactions to them.
  • Explore the emotional depth of Dana's character by delving into her fears and uncertainties about the strange occurrences in her apartment.
  • Enhance the dialogue between Venkman and Dana to create a more engaging and dynamic interaction, with a focus on humor and wit.
  • Improve the pacing of the scene by smoothing out the transition between different moments, such as the lie detector test and the investigation in Dana's apartment.
  • Add more layers to the scene by incorporating subtle hints and clues about the supernatural forces at play, keeping the audience intrigued and invested in the mystery.



Scene 11 -  A Night of Frustration and Horror
57 EXT. HALLWAY -- DAY 57

Venkman stands there with his nose flattened against Dana's
door. He starts to leave just as Louis Tully pokes his head
out the door hoping to see Dana. He jealously eyes Venkman.
Venkman ignores Louis and gets on the elevator.

Louis spots his newspaper lying on the floor across the
hall. Holding the door open with one foot, he reaches for
the paper but can't quite stretch far enough. Trying
another approach, he swings the door open, leaps for the
paper and darts back to the door just as it slams shut in
his face, locking him out again.

58 INT. FIREHALL KITCHEN -- NIGHT 58

Stantz and Spengler are eating Chinese food from several
take-out containers. Venkman enters.

STANTZ
How was your date?

VENKMAN
It wasn't a date. It was an
investigation.

SPENGLER
Did you see anything?

VENKMAN
Didn't see anything, Didn't get
anything. Nice girl - no ghost.
I'm starting to worry.
(MORE)
36.
VENKMAN (CONT'D)
You said your graph was pointing to
something big. You told me things
were going to start popping.

STANTZ
They will.

VENKMAN
Do you know when that might be?
We're on the brink of a very
serious cash-flow problem.

He plucks a garlic shrimp from one of the Chinese food
cartons and walks off disconsolately.

59 EXT. HOTEL SEDGEWICK -- NIGHT 59

Two uniformed DOORMEN help people in and out of taxis and
limos under the hotel's elegant awning.

60 INT. HOTEL -- NIGHT 60

A "DO NOT DISTURB" sign hangs on the doorknob of Room 1210.
Soft music is heard coming from the room.

61 INT. ROOM 1210 -- NIGHT 61

The room is dark but we can hear the sighs and heavy
breathing of a man and woman making love on the bed. The
camera PANS across the floor following a trail of dropped
clothing -- a tuxedo jacket and cummerbund, white satin
high heels, a lacy wedding gown, striped tuxedo trousers,
satin ladies underpants, stockings and garters.

BRIDE (V.O.)
Aren't you glad we waited?

GROOM (V.O.)
I don't know. It probably would've
been the same.

BRIDE (V.O.)
(indignant)
Well, thanks a lot.

THE BED
The Groom turns his back to the
Bride and pulls the sheet up to his
neck.

BRIDE
What are you doing? Are you just
going to roll over and go to sleep?
(MORE)
37.
BRIDE (CONT'D)
(he doesn't respond)
I don't believe this.

She switches on the lamp on the nightstand and picks up a
magazine.

62 THE AIR VENT 62

There is a throbbing shudder as if something powerful was
rushing through the air duct. A hint of yellowy vapor wafts
through the grating and into the room.

THE NIGHTSTAND
The travel clock reads 9:45 P.M.
Suddenly there is an audible hiss,
then the glass clockface cracks
down the middle with a snap.

THE BRIDE
Startled, she looks at the clock
and picks it up to examine it.

BRIDE
Roy? Your clock broke.

GROOM
Nice going, honey. It was brand
new.

BRIDE
I didn't break your precious clock,
Roy!

He gets up and heads for the bathroom.

BRIDE (CONT'D)
Now where are you going?

GROOM
To the bathroom, where do you
think?

BRIDE
(to herself)
Have I done the right thing?

The Groom enters the bathroom and closes the door behind
him. The sound of water running in the sink is heard. Then
the Bride hears a sound like the noise a cat makes when
trying to dislodge a hairball from its throat.

BRIDE (CONT’D)
(calls out)
Roy? Are you all right?
38.

The noise increases to the level of ten cats with hairballs.

BRIDE (CONT’D)
(disgusted)
Hey, sweetheart, will you CUT THAT
OUT!!!

GROOM (O.S.)
Uuuuuuugh!!

BRIDE
(getting quite nervous)
What's the matter, dear?

She gets out of bed just as he comes charging out,
stuttering in stunned horror. She goes into the bathroom.

BRIDE (V.O.)
What did you do in here? It smells
awful!! OH ... Oh, no ... Oh, my
God.

The Bride runs out of the bathroom into the arms of her
husband who is on the telephone.

GROOM
... right ... It's smelling up the
whole suite ... I don't know ...
It's just hanging off the ceiling
... I've never seen anything like
this ... 1210 ... Quick ...
Genres: ["Comedy","Horror"]

Summary Venkman leaves Dana's apartment feeling rejected, while Louis Tully is locked out and unable to retrieve his newspaper. Back at the firehouse, Venkman, Stantz, and Spengler discuss their lack of progress in capturing paranormal activity. Meanwhile, a couple at the Hotel Sedgwick experiences a horrifying event on their wedding night, leading to a call for help.
Strengths
  • Witty dialogue
  • Engaging plot
  • Unique concept
Weaknesses
  • Minimal character development
  • Limited emotional impact

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively combines comedy and horror elements, creating an engaging and entertaining atmosphere. The dialogue is witty and the plot is intriguing.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a ghostly encounter in a hotel room is unique and engaging. The scene effectively sets up the tone for the rest of the story.

Plot: 8

The plot is well-developed, with a clear progression of events and a good balance of humor and suspense.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on paranormal investigation, blending comedy with mystery and romance. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 7

The characters are interesting and engaging, with distinct personalities that add depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 5

There is minimal character change in this scene, as the focus is more on the supernatural encounter.

Internal Goal: 8

Venkman's internal goal in this scene is to find evidence of paranormal activity to support his beliefs and work. This reflects his desire for validation and success in his field.

External Goal: 7

Venkman's external goal is to solve the cash-flow problem and find evidence of paranormal activity to support his work. This reflects the immediate challenges he is facing in his career and financial situation.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

There is a moderate level of conflict in the scene, particularly between the characters and the supernatural elements they encounter.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create tension and conflict, keeping the audience unsure of how the characters will overcome their challenges.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are moderately high, as the characters encounter a dangerous and unknown supernatural entity.

Story Forward: 8

The scene effectively moves the story forward by introducing a new supernatural element and setting up future events.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists and turns in the characters' actions and dialogue.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

There is a philosophical conflict between Venkman's belief in the paranormal and the skepticism of others, as well as the conflict between personal relationships and professional goals.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The scene elicits a mix of emotions, including suspense, humor, and curiosity.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is witty, humorous, and engaging, adding to the overall tone of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the witty dialogue, comedic situations, and the blend of mystery and romance. The interactions between the characters keep the audience interested and entertained.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective, with a good balance of dialogue, action, and description. The rhythm keeps the audience engaged and interested.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and easy to follow, with proper scene headings and descriptions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear transitions between locations and character interactions.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear connection to the previous scenes and feels disjointed in terms of the overall narrative flow.
  • The interaction between Venkman and Louis Tully is brief and doesn't add much to the development of their characters or the plot.
  • The transition from Venkman leaving Dana's apartment to the Firehall kitchen scene feels abrupt and could benefit from a smoother transition.
  • The dialogue between Stantz, Spengler, and Venkman in the Firehall kitchen lacks depth and doesn't advance the plot significantly.
  • The introduction of the hotel setting and the couple in Room 1210 feels disconnected from the rest of the scene and doesn't provide a clear link to the main storyline.
Suggestions
  • Consider revising the scene to have a stronger connection to the previous events, perhaps by incorporating elements that tie back to Dana's experiences or the Ghostbusters' ongoing investigations.
  • Expand on the interaction between Venkman and Louis Tully to add more depth to their relationship and potentially foreshadow future developments.
  • Work on creating a smoother transition between the different settings and characters to ensure a more cohesive and engaging narrative flow.
  • Enhance the dialogue in the Firehall kitchen scene to provide more insight into the characters' motivations and relationships, as well as to move the plot forward in a meaningful way.
  • Revisit the introduction of the hotel setting and the couple in Room 1210 to ensure that it aligns with the overall tone and direction of the screenplay, and consider how it can better connect to the main storyline.



Scene 12 -  Hotel Disturbance
63 INT. FIREHALL OFFICE -- NIGHT 63

Janine turns off the light at her desk. She packs up her
purse and puts on her coat. The phone rings. Janine
answers it unenthusiastically.

JANINE
Ghostbusters ... Yes, it is ...
Yes, of course they're serious.
You do! You have! Yes, sir. Well,
they're out on another case now,
but if you'll give me the address
... Don't worry, they'll be totally
discreet.

She hits an alarm button and a loud bell starts ringing
frantically.

64 INT. KITCHEN - NIGHT 64

The alarm sounds and everyone jumps up, scattering takeout
cartons.
39.

65 INT. DORM -- NIGHT 65

The alarm continues. Everyone enters in haste and scrambles
into jumpsuits. There is much hopping on one leg and
bumping into one another.

BRASS POLE
Fully suited, Venkman jumps on and
slides down followed quickly by
Spengler. Then Stantz jumps at it
but hits it at the wrong angle. He
slowly slides down out of sight
with a stunned look on his face.

66 INT. GARAGE BAY -- EQUIPMENT RACKS -- NIGHT 66

Everyone pulls throwers, traps, packs and harnesses off the
wall.

67 EXT. FIREHALL -- NIGHT 67

The garage door slides up and in a blaze of light and
screeching tires, the ambulance squeals out and makes a
right turn. The vehicle has been painted flat black and has
been fitted with communication wafers and antennae. All the
original lights have been replaced with purple and white
strobes and the siren has been altered to emit a low,
unearthly moaning The purple and white strobe bars give the
car a strange ultraviolet aura. It rounds the corner and
heads up the West Side Highway.

68 EXT. HOTEL -- FRONT DOOR -- NIGHT 68

The black ambulance screeches up to the main entrance, siren
blaring. Emblazoned on the door is the Ghostbusters' new
logo. It's the international symbol of prohibition, a red
circle with a diagonal red stroke across a ghost. The
DOORMAN steps forward as Venkman, Stantz and Spengler leap
out of the car. They open up the rear door and remove their
equipment. People on the street stop and gawk.

69 INT. HOTEL LOBBY -- NIGHT 69

As the Ghostbusters enter, people turn and stare at their
strange appearance. They all wear matching blue futuristic
jumpsuits with proton packs strapped to their backs. They
also wear brushed-metal, flip-down ecto-visors worn on the
head like a welder's mask. Knee and elbow pads complete
their strange outfits.
40.

VENKMAN
He looks ill-at-ease and
embarrassed by their outlandish
getups as the HOTEL MANAGER
descends on them accompanied by a
Slavic MAINTENANCE MAN and a
worried BELL CAPTAIN.

MANAGER
(agitated)
Thank you for coming so quickly.
The guests are starting to ask
questions and I'm running out of
excuses.

STANTZ
Has this ever happened before?

MANAGER
Well, most of the original staff
knows about the twelfth floor ...
The disturbances, I mean ... But
it's been quiet for years ... Up
until two weeks ago ... It was
never ever this bad, though.

STANTZ
Did you ever report it to anyone?

MANAGER
Heavens, no! The owners don't like
us to even talk about it. I hoped
we could take care of this quietly
tonight.

STANTZ
Yes, sir. Don't worry. We handle
this kind of thing all the time.

They cross the lobby to the elevators, attracting lots of
curious interest from the hotel guests.

VENKMAN
A GUEST accosts him while they wait
for an elevator.

GUEST
What are you supposed to be?

VENKMAN
Me? We're ... uh ... the
exterminators. Somebody saw a
cockroach on the twelfth floor.
41.

The Guest looks at Venkman, noting the heavy proton pack on
his back, the odd-looking particle thrower and flipdown ecto-
visor.

GUEST
That's gotta be some cockroach,

VENKMAN
Well, you can't be too careful with
those babies.

The elevator arrives and he gets on with the others.
Genres: ["Comedy","Horror"]

Summary A hotel manager calls the Ghostbusters to investigate disturbances on the twelfth floor. The Ghostbusters arrive and enter the lobby, attracting curious interest from the guests.
Strengths
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Effective blend of comedy and horror
  • Intriguing concept
Weaknesses
  • Limited emotional depth
  • Minimal character development

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively combines elements of comedy and horror, keeping the audience engaged and entertained.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a team of ghostbusters investigating paranormal disturbances in a hotel is intriguing and well-executed.

Plot: 7

The plot moves forward as the Ghostbusters arrive at the hotel and begin their investigation, setting up the conflict and building suspense.

Originality: 9

The scene is original in its approach to the supernatural genre, combining elements of comedy and horror in a fresh and entertaining way. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging, adding depth to the story.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-defined and their interactions add depth to the scene, especially Venkman's humorous exchanges with the hotel guests.

Character Changes: 5

There is minimal character development in this scene, as the focus is more on setting up the investigation and introducing the conflict.

Internal Goal: 8

Janine's internal goal in this scene is to handle the phone call and alarm with professionalism and efficiency, despite her lack of enthusiasm. This reflects her desire to maintain a sense of control and competence in her job.

External Goal: 9

The Ghostbusters' external goal in this scene is to respond to a call for help at the hotel and investigate paranormal disturbances. This reflects the immediate challenge they are facing and their role as supernatural investigators.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between the Ghostbusters and the paranormal disturbances in the hotel creates tension and drives the scene forward.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the characters facing skepticism and challenges as they try to convince the hotel staff and guests of the supernatural threats. The uncertainty adds to the suspense and conflict.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are raised as the Ghostbusters confront paranormal disturbances in a public setting, adding urgency to their investigation.

Story Forward: 9

The scene effectively moves the story forward by introducing a new location, conflict, and setting up the Ghostbusters' investigation.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists and turns in the characters' actions and the supernatural elements at play. The audience is kept on their toes, unsure of what will happen next.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the tension between the supernatural and the mundane. The characters' belief in ghosts and their equipment for capturing them clash with the skepticism of the hotel staff and guests.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

While there is some fear and suspense, the scene focuses more on humor and intrigue than emotional depth.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is witty, engaging, and reveals the personalities of the characters, enhancing the overall tone of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its mix of humor, suspense, and supernatural elements. The fast-paced action and witty dialogue keep the audience hooked and eager to see what happens next.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and suspense as the characters respond to the call for help and prepare to investigate the paranormal disturbances.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings and descriptions that help to visualize the action.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear transitions between locations and a focus on building tension and suspense.


Critique
  • The transition from Janine answering the phone call to the Ghostbusters gearing up and leaving the firehall feels a bit rushed and disjointed. There is a lack of smooth flow between the different locations and actions taking place.
  • The dialogue between Janine and the caller could be more engaging and dynamic to create a sense of urgency and intrigue. Janine's responses could be more varied to show her personality and professionalism.
  • The physical actions of the Ghostbusters as they respond to the alarm could be more coordinated and purposeful. The scene could benefit from more detailed descriptions of their movements and interactions.
  • The introduction of the Ghostbusters' new logo and equipment is somewhat abrupt and could be integrated more smoothly into the narrative. The impact of their arrival at the hotel could be heightened with more emphasis on the reactions of the onlookers.
  • The interaction between Venkman and the hotel guest could be more humorous and engaging to showcase Venkman's wit and charm. The dialogue could be more playful and clever to add depth to the scene.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more descriptive details to enhance the setting and atmosphere of each location, creating a more immersive experience for the reader.
  • Work on improving the pacing and transitions between different scenes and actions to ensure a seamless flow of events.
  • Develop the characters' dialogue further to reflect their personalities and relationships more effectively, adding depth and authenticity to their interactions.
  • Focus on building tension and suspense as the Ghostbusters prepare to investigate the disturbances at the hotel, creating a sense of anticipation and excitement for the upcoming events.
  • Consider incorporating more visual elements and sensory details to enrich the reader's experience and bring the scenes to life with vivid imagery.



Scene 13 -  Ghostbusters Investigate the Apartment Building
70 INT. THE ELEVATOR -- NIGHT 70

The Ghostbusters look nervous as they ride up the elevator.

STANTZ
I just realized something. We've
never had a completely successful
test with any of the equipment.

SPENGLER
I blame myself.

VENKMAN
So do I.

STANTZ
No sense worrying about it now.

VENKMAN
(doubtful)
Sure. Each of us is wearing an
unlicensed nuclear accelerator on
our back. No problem.

The elevator stops at the Twelfth Floor.

71 INT. TWELFTH FLOOR CORRIDOR -- NIGHT 71

The elevator doors open and Venkman peeks out into the hall.
He steps out cautiously, followed by the others.

72 THE END OF THE HALL 72

A BELLBOY comes around the corner behind them, pushing a
room service cart loaded with dirty dishes.

STANTZ
He hears the rattle of the dishes
behind him, whirls and fires a
stream of protons from his wand.
(MORE)
42.
STANTZ (CONT'D)
Spengler is so keyed up, he too
spins and fires wildly.

THE BELLBOY
He ducks as the particle streams
blow the dishes off the cart and
scorch holes in the wall behind
him.

VENKMAN
(shouts)
Cease fire!

The Bellboy peeks out from behind the cart.

THE GHOSTBUSTERS
They breathe a sigh of relief.

STANTZ
(to the Bellboy)
Sorry, Buddy!

SPENGLER
We'd better adjust our streams.

He leads them down the hall to Room 1210.

73 INT. ROOM 1210 -- NIGHT 73

The Ghostbusters enter trepidatiously and start taking
readings.

SPENGLER
(looking at his meters)
Something was definitely here.

VENKMAN
Yeah, I can smell it.

STANTZ
I'm getting high readings near the
air vents. It must be using the
duct system to get around. See, I
told you we'd get something.

VENKMAN
So far all we got is a shit smell
on the twelfth floor and we almost
fried a Puerto Rican bellboy.

STANTZ
All right. Let's cool the negative
vibes. These things can sense them.
43.

They exit the room.

74 INT. A CORRIDOR -- NIGHT 74

Spengler makes his way down the hall reading valences at the
door to each room. He knocks on one of the doors, then
passes his sensor over the top of the door and down the
jambs. Then he gets on his knees to read the crack at the
bottom of the door. Suddenly the door opens and he looks up
to see a really stunning woman wrapped in a bath towel with
another towel twisted turban-style around her wet hair.

WOMAN
(noting his unusual
attire)
Yes?

SPENGLER
(stands up)
Were you recently in the bathroom?

WOMAN
(sarcastic)
What on earth gave you that idea?

SPENGLER
(seriously)
The wet towels, residual moisture
on your lower limbs and hair, the
redness in your cheeks indicating
...

WOMAN
(cutting him off)
You're a regular Sherlock Holmes.
Now what do you want?

SPENGLER
When you were in the bathroom, did
you notice anything that was yellow
and unusually smelly?

She slams the door in his face. Spengler shrugs and moves
on.
Genres: ["Comedy","Horror"]

Summary The Ghostbusters investigate a possible ghost sighting on the twelfth floor of an apartment building. They are nervous because they have never had a successful test with any of their equipment. They find high readings near the air vents, which suggests that the ghost is using the duct system to get around. They also encounter a bellboy and a stunning woman wrapped in a towel. Despite their efforts, they do not find the ghost.
Strengths
  • Witty dialogue
  • Suspenseful atmosphere
  • Character interactions
Weaknesses
  • Lack of deep emotional impact
  • Limited character development

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively blends humor and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and entertained. The witty dialogue and sarcastic interactions add depth to the characters and the overall tone of the scene.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of paranormal investigators dealing with supernatural disturbances in a hotel is intriguing and well-executed. The scene effectively introduces the main conflict and sets the stage for further developments.

Plot: 7

The plot of the scene revolves around the Ghostbusters investigating strange occurrences in a hotel, leading to a confrontation with a ghost. While the plot is engaging, it serves more as a setup for future events.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the ghostbusting genre by combining supernatural elements with humor and character-driven moments. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds depth to the familiar premise of paranormal investigation.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters, particularly the Ghostbusters, are well-defined and showcase their unique personalities through dialogue and actions. The interactions between the characters add depth and humor to the scene.

Character Changes: 5

While there are no significant character changes in the scene, the interactions between the characters reveal more about their personalities and dynamics.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to maintain composure and focus despite the high stakes and potential dangers they face. This reflects their deeper need for validation and success in their ghostbusting business.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to locate and capture the supernatural entity that is causing disturbances on the twelfth floor of the hotel. This goal reflects the immediate challenge they are facing and the need to prove their abilities as Ghostbusters.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict in the scene arises from the Ghostbusters' investigation of paranormal disturbances in the hotel. The tension builds as they encounter strange phenomena and face challenges in dealing with the supernatural.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the Ghostbusters facing challenges from both supernatural entities and their own internal conflicts, creating tension and uncertainty in their mission.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are moderately high in the scene as the Ghostbusters face supernatural threats and challenges in the hotel. The outcome of their investigation could have significant consequences.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing the main conflict, establishing the setting, and setting up future events. It keeps the audience engaged and eager to see what happens next.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it blends moments of tension and humor, creating unexpected twists in the characters' interactions and the outcome of their ghostbusting mission.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the Ghostbusters' approach to their work. Venkman's casual attitude contrasts with Stantz and Spengler's more serious and focused demeanor, highlighting differing perspectives on the importance of their mission.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The scene elicits a mix of emotions, including amusement, suspense, and curiosity. While not deeply emotional, it engages the audience and sets the stage for further developments.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue in the scene is witty, humorous, and sarcastic, reflecting the personalities of the characters. It effectively conveys information, builds tension, and adds comedic elements to the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it combines suspenseful ghostbusting elements with humorous character interactions, keeping the audience invested in the outcome of the Ghostbusters' investigation.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by balancing suspenseful moments with character-driven interactions, maintaining a steady rhythm that keeps the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions, character actions, and dialogue cues that enhance the reader's understanding of the action.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, building tension as the Ghostbusters investigate the hotel floor and encounter supernatural phenomena. The pacing and formatting contribute to the scene's effectiveness.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear sense of urgency or tension considering the Ghostbusters are investigating a potential ghost sighting on the twelfth floor. The dialogue feels somewhat casual and lacks the intensity needed for a paranormal investigation scene.
  • The interaction with the bellboy and the room service cart could be more impactful. The Ghostbusters firing their proton streams at the bellboy feels out of place and could be handled in a more professional manner.
  • The reveal of the stunning woman in the bath towel is cliched and lacks originality. The dialogue between Spengler and the woman is predictable and does not add much to the scene.
  • The transition from the room to the corridor is abrupt and could be smoother to maintain the flow of the scene.
  • The humor in the scene feels forced and could be more subtle to enhance the overall tone of the investigation.
Suggestions
  • Add more suspense and tension to the scene by building up the anticipation of encountering the ghost on the twelfth floor.
  • Revise the interaction with the bellboy to make it more professional and less comical, focusing on the seriousness of the Ghostbusters' investigation.
  • Consider a more unique and engaging interaction for Spengler with the woman in the bath towel to avoid cliches and add depth to the character dynamics.
  • Smooth out the transition between the room and the corridor to maintain a cohesive narrative flow.
  • Adjust the humor in the scene to be more subtle and natural, enhancing the overall tone of the investigation.



Scene 14 -  Ray Encounter
75 INT. ANOTHER CORRIDOR -- SAME TIME 75

Stantz moves down the hall checking PKE valences.

76 HIS PKE METER 76

The needle jumps into the red.
44.

STANTZ
He alerts Spengler through the
walkie-talkie headset he wears.

STANTZ (CONT’D)
(hushed)
Egon! I got something. I'm moving
in.

Slowly and cautiously, he turns the corner at the end of the
hall. Suddenly, he sees the object of their search and
freezes.

STANTZ (CONT’D)
(frightened)
Yaaaaaaaaah!

STANTZ' POV
The vapor is hunched over a room
service cart loaded with dirty
dishes. It hangs there,
translucent, foul, yellow, feeding
off table scraps and leftover
beverages, knocking dishes off the
cart and scattering refuse. It
looks like a misshapen potato with
a pushed-in face and spindly arms.

SPENGLER
(over the walkie-talkie)
Ray! Where are you? Are you all
right?

STANTZ
(amazed)
God, it's ugly!

THE VAPOR
It raises a half-empty bottle of
wine to its gaping maw and chugs
down the liquid. The wine is
visible as it pours down his gullet
and passes through his system,
finally spilling through his body
onto the floor.

STANTZ
He edges closer.

STANTZ (CONT’D)
(whispers into his head
set)
I'm moving in. I don't think it's
seen me yet.
45.

THE VAPOR
It crams some leftovers into its
mouth and belches loudly.

STANTZ
He is growing increasingly more
disgusted as the initial fear
leaves him.

STANTZ (CONT’D)
Ugh! What a slob! I'm going to
take him.
(shouts at the vapor)
Freeze, Potato-Face!

He fires his particle thrower at the vapor.

THE VAPOR
It dodges Stantz' first shot and
the ion stream tears away fifty
feet of wallpaper in a searing
ricochet. Then the vapor flies off
down the hall, pulling the room
service cart along in its wake.

STANTZ
He chases it down the hall,
shouting into his headset.

STANTZ (CONT’D)
He's getting away!

THE VAPOR
It reaches the end of the corridor
but instead of turning, it passes
right through the solid wall. The
room service cart crashes into the
wall, smashing dishes and sending
the debris flying.
Genres: ["Horror","Comedy","Fantasy"]

Summary Ray Stantz discovers a grotesque vapor feeding off dirty dishes. Despite his initial fear, Stantz attempts to capture it, but the vapor evades his particle thrower and escapes through a wall.
Strengths
  • Effective blend of horror, comedy, and fantasy elements
  • Engaging and suspenseful encounter with the Vapor
  • Well-developed characters with distinct personalities
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue could be further developed for added depth and complexity

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively blends horror, comedy, and fantasy elements to create an engaging and entertaining encounter with the ghost. The suspenseful tone keeps the audience on edge, while the humorous moments provide comic relief. The supernatural aspects add depth to the scene.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of encountering a grotesque ghost in a hotel setting is innovative and engaging. The scene effectively combines horror, comedy, and fantasy elements to create a unique and memorable encounter.

Plot: 7

The plot of the scene revolves around the Ghostbusters encountering a ghost in a hotel, leading to a suspenseful and humorous confrontation. The plot effectively sets up the conflict and resolution of the scene.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh take on the supernatural genre, with unique character interactions and a creative depiction of paranormal activity. The dialogue feels authentic and the actions are unexpected.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters of Stantz, Spengler, and the Vapor are well-developed and engaging. Stantz's bravery and humor, Spengler's intelligence, and the Vapor's grotesque appearance add depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 6

Stantz's initial fear and disgust towards the Vapor transform into bravery and determination as he confronts the ghost. This character change adds depth to the scene and enhances the narrative.

Internal Goal: 8

Stantz's internal goal in this scene is to confront his fear and disgust towards the supernatural entity they encounter. It reflects his desire to prove himself as a capable and brave member of the team.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to capture the supernatural entity and prevent it from causing further chaos. It reflects the immediate challenge they are facing in dealing with the paranormal activity.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between the Ghostbusters and the Vapor creates a high level of tension and suspense in the scene. The confrontation is intense and engaging, keeping the audience on the edge of their seats.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the supernatural entity posing a significant challenge to the protagonists. The outcome is uncertain, adding to the suspense.

High Stakes: 8

The high stakes of confronting a grotesque and dangerous ghost, the Vapor, add tension and suspense to the scene. The Ghostbusters' mission to capture the ghost becomes a life-or-death situation, raising the stakes for the characters.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing a new supernatural entity, the Vapor, and setting up the conflict between the Ghostbusters and the ghost. The encounter with the Vapor propels the narrative forward and builds suspense.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected actions of the supernatural entity and the characters' reactions. The outcome is uncertain, adding to the suspense.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between the characters' belief in science and logic versus the existence of supernatural phenomena. It challenges their worldview and forces them to confront the unknown.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a range of emotions, including fear, disgust, and excitement. The suspenseful encounter with the Vapor and the humorous moments with the Ghostbusters create a dynamic emotional impact.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the characters' personalities and emotions. The humorous banter between Stantz and Spengler adds comic relief, while the confrontation with the Vapor is tense and suspenseful.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its blend of suspense, humor, and action. The characters' interactions and the supernatural elements keep the audience hooked.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a good balance of action and dialogue. It keeps the audience engaged and builds tension effectively.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and easy to follow, with proper scene headings and action descriptions. It adheres to the expected format for its genre.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm are well-executed, building tension and excitement.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear transition from the previous scene, making it feel disjointed and abrupt. Consider adding a smoother segue to maintain the flow of the story.
  • The description of the vapor's appearance and actions is detailed but could be more concise. Focus on key visual elements that enhance the atmosphere and character of the scene.
  • The dialogue feels somewhat forced and cliched, especially with lines like 'Freeze, Potato-Face!' Consider refining the dialogue to sound more natural and authentic.
  • The action sequences involving Stantz and the vapor could be more dynamic and engaging. Add more tension and suspense to create a sense of urgency and excitement.
  • The scene could benefit from more character development and emotional depth. Explore Stantz's reactions and motivations further to make the scene more compelling.
Suggestions
  • Introduce a smoother transition from the previous scene to maintain continuity.
  • Streamline the description of the vapor's appearance and actions to focus on key visual elements.
  • Revise the dialogue to sound more natural and authentic, avoiding cliches.
  • Enhance the action sequences to create more tension and excitement.
  • Develop Stantz's character further to add emotional depth and complexity to the scene.



Scene 15 -  Paranormal Hallway Encounter
77 INT. A HOTEL ROOM -- NIGHT 77

A MAN is just pulling the plastic bag off his recently dry-
cleaned white dinner jacket when the noxious vapor comes
shooting through the wall. It blows right over him with a
great rush of stinking wind and exits through the air vent.

THE MAN
He looks at the air vent then back
at his dinner jacket which has
turned several shades of sickly
yellow and brown.
46.

78 INT. A CORRIDOR -- NIGHT 78

Venkman is alone in a long hallway. He leans against the
wall, clearly not taking any of this seriously. He hauls on
a cigarette and mutters to himself.

VENKMAN
This bites it. I actually work for
a company called Ghostbusters.

Suddenly from the end of the hallway comes the sound of
rattling dishes and silverware, accompanied by footsteps.
Venkman's PKE meter beeps and a red light winks on.

VENKMAN (CONT'D)
(into the walkie-talkie)
Ray -- Something's here.

STANTZ (O.S.)
(crackling over the
communicator)
Where are you, Pete?

VENKMAN
(backing away)
Third floor. Get down here,

STANTZ
Sit tight. I'm on my way.

VENKMAN
Well, hurry up.
(checks his meter)
The needle's going wild.

VENKMAN'S POV
A room service cart sails past
along a perpendicular hallway and
rolls out of sight. Then
immediately behind it comes a
reeking yellow haze. It is the
vapor. It doesn't follow the cart
but instead makes the turn at the
end of the hall and hovers there,
apparently looking at Venkman.

VENKMAN
He's scared now.

VENKMAN (CONT’D)
(into his head set)
It's here, Ray. It's looking at
me.
47.

STANTZ
(on the radio)
Don't move. It won't hurt you.

VENKMAN
How do you know?

STANTZ
I don't know. I'm just guessing.

Venkman sees the vapor start down the hall toward him.

VENKMAN
(panicking)
Well, I think you guessed wrong.
Here he comes!

THE VAPOR
It flies down the hall toward
Venkman.
Genres: ["Horror","Comedy"]

Summary A noxious vapor seeps through a hotel room wall, damaging a man's jacket. In a nearby hallway, Venkman witnesses a room service cart crash and encounters the vapor. The vapor, appearing as a yellow haze, exhibits sentient behavior and moves towards Venkman.
Strengths
  • Effective blend of horror and comedy
  • Engaging concept
  • Witty dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Minimal character development
  • Limited emotional depth

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively combines elements of horror and comedy, keeping the audience engaged and entertained.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of encountering a ghostly vapor with comedic elements is innovative and engaging.

Plot: 7

The plot moves forward with the introduction of a new supernatural entity and the Ghostbusters' response to it.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the supernatural genre by combining humor and suspense in a unique way. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and original, adding depth to the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 7

The characters react realistically to the supernatural events, adding depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 5

There is minimal character change in this scene.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to confront his fear and uncertainty in the face of a supernatural threat. This reflects his deeper need for courage and his desire to prove himself as a capable Ghostbuster.

External Goal: 9

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to capture or neutralize the supernatural entity that is threatening him. This reflects the immediate challenge he is facing and the need to protect himself and others.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict between the Ghostbusters and the ghostly vapor creates tension and suspense.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the supernatural entity posing a significant threat to the protagonist. The uncertainty and danger of the situation create a sense of suspense and unpredictability for the audience.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes are moderate as the Ghostbusters face a new supernatural challenge.

Story Forward: 8

The scene introduces a new supernatural entity and moves the plot forward.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because it keeps the audience guessing about the outcome of the supernatural encounter. The unexpected twists and turns in the plot add to the suspense and excitement of the scene.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between the unknown and the known, as the protagonist grapples with the supernatural entity and his own understanding of the situation. This challenges his beliefs in science and logic, and forces him to confront the existence of the paranormal.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The mix of fear and humor creates an emotional impact on the audience.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is witty and adds to the humor of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it combines humor, suspense, and action in a way that keeps the audience on the edge of their seats. The dynamic interactions between the characters and the supernatural threat create a sense of excitement and tension.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a balance of action and dialogue that maintains the tension and momentum of the plot. The rhythm of the scene contributes to its effectiveness and keeps the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings and descriptions that enhance the visual storytelling. The formatting contributes to the overall readability and impact of the scene.

Structure: 9

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear action and dialogue that drive the plot forward. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear sense of urgency and tension, especially considering the paranormal activity that is unfolding. Venkman's nonchalant attitude and muttering to himself detract from the suspense that should be building up.
  • The dialogue between Venkman and Stantz feels a bit forced and lacks depth. It could be more engaging and dynamic to enhance the interaction between the characters.
  • The description of the vapor as a 'reeking yellow haze' is a bit vague and could be more vivid to create a stronger visual impact for the readers.
  • The transition from Venkman seeing the vapor to it flying down the hall towards him feels abrupt and could be smoother to maintain the flow of the scene.
  • The panic and fear that Venkman experiences when the vapor approaches could be heightened to convey a greater sense of danger and suspense.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more descriptive details to enhance the atmosphere and build tension in the scene.
  • Work on developing the dialogue between Venkman and Stantz to make it more engaging and reflective of their characters.
  • Provide a clearer and more seamless transition between the different actions and events in the scene.
  • Focus on intensifying Venkman's reaction to the approaching vapor to create a more gripping and suspenseful moment.
  • Consider incorporating elements of surprise or unexpected twists to keep the audience on edge throughout the scene.



Scene 16 -  The Banquet Room Battle
79 INT. STAIRWELL -- SAME TIME 79

Stantz runs downstairs taking them three at a time as
Venkman is heard screaming over the radio.

VENKMAN
(screaming)
Veeaaaaaahh!

80 INT. THIRD FLOOR 80

Stantz comes running around the corner and sees Venkman flat
on his back, flailing his arms and legs frantically,
Sickening, yellow-green ectofluid covers his head and chest.

VENKMAN
Aagghh -- aaaggghh -- uhh -- uhh --
It slimed me! It slimed me!

Suddenly Spengler's voice crackles over the communicator.

SPENGLER (V.O.)
Ray! It's here! It just went into
the Banquet Room on the third
floor.

Stantz helps Venkman to his feet and they rush off.

81 INT. BANQUET ROOM -- NIGHT 81

The Ghostbusters enter a large dark room with a high,
ornately-corniced ceiling and a crystal chandelier hanging
in the center.
48.

STANTZ
Visors down. Full stream.

They flip down their visors and scan the room.

STANTZ (CONT’D)
He peruses the room but sees
nothing. He looks up and scans the
ceiling. A form flits behind a
carved beam.

STANTZ (CONT’D)
There! On the ceiling!
(the others look)
Come on down here, you slug!

Stantz drops to one knee and fires at the vapor.

THE CEILING
The vapor dodges as the beam blasts
a sizable chunk of plaster out of
the ceiling and destroys half the
crystal chandelier.

VENKMAN
He fires at it, too, wasting the
rest of the chandelier but the
vapor dodges away. They are both
ready to start blazing away again
when Spengler stops them.

SPENGLER
(urgently)
Wait! Wait! There's something I
forgot to tell you.

VENKMAN
What?

SPENGLER
(emphatic)
Don't cross the beams.

VENKMAN
Why not?

SPENGLER
Trust me. It will be bad.

VENKMAN
What do you mean "bad?"
49.

SPENGLER
It's hard to explain, but try to
imagine all life as you know it
stopping instantaneously and
finding yourself confined forever
in another dimension.

Venkman considers his own safety and decides to take charge.

VENKMAN
(with military authority)
That's it! I'm taking charge. You
guys are dangerous.

They yield command to him.

VENKMAN (CONT'D)
Now nobody does anything unless I
order you to, okay?

82 STANTZ AND SPENGLER 82

They nod obediently and glance nervously at the vapor, still
hovering near the ceiling.

VENKMAN
Let's do it. This thing's not
going to hang around all day
waiting for us. Ray, give me one
stream wide right of it. I'll go
wide left. Now!

83 STANTZ AND VENKMAN 83

They trigger their throwers and two streams are emitted,
shooting off to either side of the entity. The entity
swirls but stays between the beams.

VENKMAN
(talking them through it)
Good ... Good ... Nice and wide ...
Move with him ... Easy. Hold
steady.

THE VAPOR
It bobs and weaves, trying to slip
past the visible lines of light,
but Venkman and Stantz manage to
keep it boxed in.
50.

VENKMAN
(speaking clearly)
Now, very slowly, Ray, let's
tighten it up. You hold steady.
I'm coming down.

They start closing the distance between their ion streams.

SPENGLER
(cautious)
Don't cross them! Watch it!

STANTZ
The vapor is trying to get around
his streams, causing him to waver
as Venkman's stream gets closer and
closer.

VENKMAN
Spengler! A little help! Cut him
off.

THE VAPOR
It slips past Stantz and races for
the air vent.

SPENGLER
He fires with such poor
marksmanship that he comes only
centimeters from crossing Venkman's
stream. Venkman jerks away to avoid
crossing Spengler's erratic bursts
and maneuvers. Together they do
extensive damage to the walls.
Genres: ["Horror","Comedy","Fantasy"]

Summary The Ghostbusters enter the Banquet Room and find the entity on the ceiling. They try to trap it with their proton streams, but it keeps dodging. Spengler warns them not to cross the streams, but Venkman ignores him and takes charge. They manage to trap the entity, but Spengler almost crosses the streams. The entity escapes and flies down the hall toward Venkman.
Strengths
  • Engaging plot
  • Dynamic characters
  • Witty dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Some repetitive action sequences
  • Lack of significant character development

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is engaging, combining suspense, humor, and action effectively. The introduction of the vaporous entity adds a new level of danger and excitement to the story.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of a team of ghostbusters using advanced technology to capture supernatural entities is innovative and captivating. The introduction of the vaporous entity adds a new twist to the story.

Plot: 8

The plot is well-developed, with the team facing a new challenge and working together to overcome it. The introduction of the vaporous entity adds complexity to the storyline.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on ghost hunting with a mix of comedy and suspense. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging, adding to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 7

The characters are well-defined and their interactions add depth to the scene. Each character's unique personality shines through in their dialogue and actions.

Character Changes: 6

While there is not a significant character arc in this scene, the characters' relationships and dynamics evolve as they face a new supernatural threat together.

Internal Goal: 8

Venkman's internal goal is to prove his leadership and competence to his team. He wants to assert his authority and protect his team from danger.

External Goal: 9

The external goal is to capture the ghost and prevent it from causing harm or escaping. The immediate challenge is to work together effectively to trap the entity.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is high, as the team faces a dangerous vaporous entity and must work together to capture it without causing harm. The stakes are raised with the introduction of the new threat.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the ghost presenting a formidable challenge to the Ghostbusters. The uncertainty of the outcome adds tension and suspense to the scene.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high as the team faces a dangerous vaporous entity that could cause harm. The outcome of the encounter will have significant consequences for the characters and the story.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by introducing a new supernatural entity and raising the stakes for the team. It sets up future conflicts and challenges for the Ghostbusters.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists and turns in the ghost hunting process. The characters' actions and the ghost's behavior add an element of surprise to the scene.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

There is a philosophical conflict between Venkman's desire to take charge and his team's trust in his leadership. This challenges Venkman's beliefs about control and authority.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene elicits a range of emotions, including excitement, fear, and humor. The team's camaraderie and determination to overcome the challenge resonate with the audience.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is witty, engaging, and reveals the characters' personalities. The banter between the team members adds humor and depth to the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its mix of humor, suspense, and action. The fast-paced dialogue and intense ghost hunting sequence keep the audience on the edge of their seats.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a balance of action and dialogue that keeps the momentum going. The rhythm of the scene adds to its effectiveness and impact.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene follows standard screenplay formatting conventions, making it easy to read and visualize the action. The dialogue is properly formatted and the scene descriptions are clear.

Structure: 9

The scene follows a clear structure with a buildup of tension, a climax of action, and a resolution that sets up the next plot point. The pacing and formatting are effective for the genre.


Critique
  • The scene starts with a sense of urgency and action, which is engaging for the audience. However, the transition from Stantz running downstairs to Venkman being slimed feels a bit abrupt and could be smoother.
  • The dialogue between the characters is effective in conveying their emotions and the urgency of the situation. However, some of the lines could be more concise and impactful to enhance the tension in the scene.
  • The visual descriptions of the vapor and the actions of the characters are vivid and help create a clear picture in the reader's mind. This attention to detail is commendable and adds depth to the scene.
  • The conflict between the Ghostbusters and the vapor is well-established, but the resolution feels slightly rushed. Building up the tension and suspense before the final confrontation could make the scene more impactful.
  • The introduction of the 'Don't cross the beams' rule adds an interesting layer of danger and consequences to the ghostbusting process. This rule could be further emphasized to heighten the stakes and create more suspense.
Suggestions
  • Consider refining the transition between Stantz running downstairs and Venkman being slimed to create a smoother flow of events.
  • Review the dialogue to ensure that each line serves a specific purpose in advancing the plot or developing the characters' personalities.
  • Explore opportunities to build up the tension and suspense leading to the final confrontation with the vapor, making the resolution more satisfying.
  • Enhance the emphasis on the 'Don't cross the beams' rule to increase the sense of danger and consequences in the scene.
  • Continue to use vivid visual descriptions to immerse the reader in the action and create a more engaging reading experience.



Scene 17 -  Ghostbusting Success
84 INT. CORRIDOR -- SAME TIME 84

The Hotel Manager and the Maintenance Man look nervously at
each other as they hear the sound of heavy property damage
coming from the banquet room.

85 INT. BANQUET ROOM - NIGHT 85

Stantz has the thing cornered to some extent.

STANTZ
(to Venkman)
I'll nudge it out of the corner.
You cut off the left side.

Stantz moves closer to the wall and Venkman counters to trap
the vapor again.
51.

VENKMAN
(encouragingly)
You got it! That's good. Easy
now.

They manage to guide the vapor out into the center of the
room, all the time closing the figurative box around it.

STANTZ
It's working!

SPENGLER
Easy ... Easy ... I'm going to
throw in my trap now.

Spengler jerks his leg up, triggering a release on his
equipment belt. A cord and foot pedal fall to the floor.
At the end of the cord there is a long, flat black metal box
two feet long, four inches wide and two high. He kicks the
box under the apparition and toes the foot pedal into
position. The apparition blasts them with a flatulent gust.
They recoil but hold the configuration.

STANTZ
Easy ... Easy ... Open the trap
now!!

Spengler stomps on the foot pedal and with a loud electronic
snap the long metal box on the floor sprays up a fixed
multidimensional inverted pyramid of bright, beaded white
light.

Stantz and Venkman herd the vapor to the top of the trap.

VENKMAN
Watch it ... Watch it ... Now!

Spengler stomps the foot pedal again.

Suddenly there is a loud double electronic snap and a
blinding flash of pink light. Wisps of brown smoke and
carbonized particles rise to the ceiling in a large residual
puff. The Ghostbusters stand there for a long moment not
quite sure the battle is over.

SPENGLER
He cautiously approaches the trap
end looks at the valence indicator
on it.

SPENGLER (CONT’D)
(confirms it)
He's in here.
52.

86 STANTZ AND VENKMAN 86

They whoop in triumph -- and considerable relief.

STANTZ
(pulling off his slimy
visor)
Well! That wasn't so bad, was it?

Venkman looks askance at him.

VENKMAN
Are you kidding? That was like
trying to push smoke into a bottle
with a baseball bat. Now what do
we do with it?

He looks at Stantz.

STANTZ
He looks at Spengler.

SPENGLER
He shrugs.

VENKMAN
(not pleased)
We'll have to work on that.
(to Stantz)
Grab that, would you, Ray?

They exit, leaving Stantz to deal with the trap.
Genres: ["Comedy","Fantasy","Horror"]

Summary The Ghostbusters team up to trap a vaporous ghost in a banquet room. Despite initial challenges, they coordinate effectively, utilizing their proton packs and a metal box trap. They successfully capture the ghost, bringing the tense encounter to a satisfying conclusion amidst flashes of light and smoke.
Strengths
  • Effective blend of humor and suspense
  • Engaging action sequences
  • Strong teamwork dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Minimal character development
  • Some predictable elements in the plot

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is engaging, combining humor, suspense, and action effectively. It moves the plot forward and showcases the team's skills in dealing with supernatural entities.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of capturing ghosts using advanced technology is well-executed and adds an interesting element to the story. The scene effectively demonstrates the Ghostbusters' abilities and the challenges they face.

Plot: 8

The plot advances as the Ghostbusters successfully capture the vapor, showcasing their expertise and teamwork. The scene also introduces new challenges and sets up future conflicts.

Originality: 8

The scene offers a fresh approach to the supernatural genre, combining elements of humor and suspense in a unique way. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and original, adding depth to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 7

The characters show their unique personalities and skills, with Venkman taking charge, Stantz being enthusiastic, and Spengler being analytical. The interactions between the characters add depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 5

There is minimal character change in this scene, as the focus is more on showcasing the characters' skills and teamwork. However, their interactions hint at potential growth and development.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to successfully capture the apparition and prove their abilities as Ghostbusters. This reflects their desire for validation and recognition in their field.

External Goal: 7.5

The protagonist's external goal is to safely contain the apparition without causing harm to themselves or the hotel guests. This reflects the immediate challenge they are facing in the scene.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

There is a moderate level of conflict as the Ghostbusters face a challenging entity and work together to capture it. The tension builds as they struggle to contain the vapor.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the characters facing a challenging task of capturing the apparition without causing harm. The audience is unsure of the outcome, adding to the suspense and tension.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are moderately high as the Ghostbusters face a challenging entity that threatens the hotel guests. Their success in capturing the vapor showcases their expertise and the importance of their work.

Story Forward: 8

The scene significantly moves the story forward by resolving the conflict with the vapor and setting up new challenges for the Ghostbusters. It introduces new elements and advances the plot effectively.

Unpredictability: 7.5

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists and turns in the characters' actions and the outcome of capturing the apparition. The audience is kept guessing about the resolution until the final moments.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

There is a philosophical conflict between the characters' belief in the supernatural and their scientific approach to capturing the apparition. This challenges their worldview and methods of problem-solving.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The scene has a moderate emotional impact, with moments of triumph and relief as the Ghostbusters successfully capture the vapor. The characters' reactions add depth to the scene.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is witty and engaging, reflecting the characters' personalities and the tone of the scene. It effectively conveys information and moves the action forward.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its blend of humor, suspense, and action. The characters' interactions and the high stakes of capturing the apparition keep the audience on the edge of their seats.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and suspense as the characters work together to capture the apparition. The rhythm of the dialogue and action keeps the audience engaged and invested in the outcome.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting. The technical writing proficiency enhances the readability and flow of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the outcome.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear description of the vapor's appearance and behavior, making it difficult for the audience to visualize the threat.
  • The dialogue between the characters feels somewhat generic and could benefit from more personality and depth to make the interactions more engaging.
  • The resolution of trapping the vapor in the metal box and foot pedal trap feels rushed and lacks a sense of tension or suspense.
  • The transition from the intense battle with the vapor to the characters' triumphant and relieved reactions could be smoother and more impactful.
  • The scene could benefit from more visual cues and sensory details to enhance the atmosphere and immerse the audience in the ghostbusting experience.
Suggestions
  • Provide a more detailed description of the vapor's appearance, behavior, and the threat it poses to create a sense of urgency and danger.
  • Enhance the dialogue between the characters by infusing it with unique voices, humor, and depth to make the interactions more memorable and engaging.
  • Build up the tension and suspense during the battle with the vapor by adding obstacles, setbacks, and strategic maneuvers to make the victory more satisfying.
  • Consider revising the resolution of trapping the vapor to make it more climactic and impactful, possibly by adding a twist or unexpected element to the capture.
  • Incorporate more sensory details and visual cues to create a vivid and immersive ghostbusting experience for the audience, enhancing the atmosphere and excitement of the scene.



Scene 18 -  Ghostbusters Capture and Controversy
87 INT. LOBBY -- NIGHT 87

The elevator opens and the Ghostbusters emerge. Stantz
holds the trap by it's foot pedal. He dangles it away from
his body as if it is something putrid. The Hotel Manager
approaches them.

HOTEL MANAGER
What happened? Did you see it?
What is it?

Stantz removes his infra visor and wipes some slime off his
face. He is beaming,

STANTZ
We got it!

He holds up the trap.
53.

HOTEL MANAGER
What was it? Will there be any
more of them?

STANTZ
Sir, what you had there was what we
refer to as a focused, non-terminal
repeating phantasm or a Class Five
Full Roaming Vapor ... A real nasty
one, too.

VENKMAN
(starts writing a bill)
That'll be $4,000 for the
entrapment plus $1,000 for proton
recharge and storage.

HOTEL MANAGER
(shocked)
Five thousand dollars! I won't pay
it. I had no idea it would be so
much.

VENKMAN
Fine. We'll let it go again.
(calls out)
Ray! Bring it back.

HOTEL MANAGER
No! All right. Anything.

88 EXT. HOTEL SEDGEWICK -- NIGHT 88

The Ghostbusters come through the revolving doors and see a
real mob scene on the street. A large crowd has gathered
around the Ectomobile and the police have put up a barricade
to hold them back. Photographers are taking pictures of it
and several reporters are there waiting for them. As the
Ghostbusters cross to the vehicle, people in the crowd cheer
and the reporters start firing questions at them.

REPORTER #1
Nate Cohen. I'm with the Post.
What happened in there?

REPORTER #2
Did you really see a ghost?

REPORTER #3
Is this some kind of a stunt?
54.

STANTZ
(holding up the trap;
loudly to the crowd)
We got one!

REPORTER #1
Can we see it?

STANTZ
Uh...I'm afraid not.

VENKMAN
This is not a sideshow! We're
serious scientists.

REPORTER #4
What proof do you have that what
you saw was real?

STANTZ
Proof? Well, the manager of the
Sedgewick just paid us five big
ones to get something out of there.
Is that real enough for you?

REPORTER #2
Are you saying that ghosts really
exist?

VENKMAN
(pitching)
Not only do they exist, they're all
over the place! And that's why
we're offering this vitally
important service to people in the
whole tri-state area. We're
available twenty-four hours a day,
seven days a week. We have the
tools and we have the talent. No
job too small, no fee too big.
We're ready for anything.

SPENGLER
He's confused by all the commotion
and the barrage of questions from
the press. A STREET PUNK in the
crowd behind the police barricades
keeps hissing at him.

STREET PUNK
Mister! Hey, Mister! Come here!
Mister.

He finally gets Spengler's attention and waves him over.
55.

STREET PUNK (CONT'D)
Hey, Mister! Can I see those guns?

SPENGLER
They're not guns. They're particle
throwers.

STREET PUNK
Yeah, yeah. I just want to see
'em.

SPENGLER
I couldn't do that. You might hurt
someone.

He turns away.

STREET PUNK
Wait! Wait! Let me ask you
something. If you like shot
Superman with those guns, would he
feel it or what?

SPENGLER
(with authority)
On Earth -- no. But on Krypton we
could slice him up like Oscar Mayer
Bologna.

STREET PUNK
Wow!

89 VENKMAN AND STANTZ 89

They are in high spirits as they continue to field
questions. A minicam is videotaping them.

MINICAM REPORTER
Sing the song from your commercial.

STANTZ
(reluctant)
No, we have to get back and ...

MINICAM REPORTER
(wheedling)
Come on. It's free advertising.

VENKMAN
There's a thought. Hit it, Ray.

Stantz shrugs and starts singing the Ghostbusters song with
embarrassed restraint.
56.

STANTZ
(singing)
Ghostbusters ... If you have a
ghost But you don't want to play
host ...

Venkman joins in with a harmony and they continue with more
confidence.

STANTZ & VENKMAN
(singing)
They can be bad houseguests

And all-night pests ... You can't sleep at all So who do you
call?

Spengler joins them for the big finish with no perceivable
sense of melody or rhythm.

ALL TOGETHER
(singing)
Ghostbusters ... Ghostbusters.

At the moment a flashbulb goes off freezing the Ghostbusters
in a still-frame that becomes a front-page news photo.

FRONT PAGE
The New York Post carries the
picture with a big headline
reading:

90 GHOSTBUSTERS? 90

The Ghostbusters' song really starts to cook with full
production now as a MONTAGE begins.

TELETYPE MACHINES
A bank of whirring, clicking
teleprinters spits reams of hard
copy and wire service photos
depicting the team at work.

ANNOUNCER (V.O.)
Hello, America. This is Ronald
Gwynne reporting from United Press
International in New York.
Throughout my entire career as a
journalist I have never reported
anything as exciting and incredible
as the trapping of an actual
supernatural entity by a team of
men based in this city who call
themselves Ghostbusters.
57.
Genres: ["Comedy","Fantasy","Action"]

Summary Emerging from an elevator with a captured ghost, the Ghostbusters face a skeptical Hotel Manager over their fee. Venkman negotiates while Spengler handles a curious street punk. Outside, reporters and a crowd surround the Ghostbusters, leading to a reluctant performance of their theme song for publicity.
Strengths
  • Humorous dialogue
  • Exciting capture of a ghost
  • Establishment of the Ghostbusters' business
Weaknesses
  • Limited emotional depth
  • Minimal character development

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is engaging, humorous, and sets up the Ghostbusters as a successful and entertaining team. It introduces key elements of the story and showcases the team's abilities.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of ghostbusting and capturing supernatural entities is well-executed, and the scene effectively establishes the Ghostbusters' expertise and reputation.

Plot: 7

The plot progresses as the Ghostbusters successfully capture a ghost, face the press, and establish their business. It sets up future conflicts and developments.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the supernatural genre by combining elements of comedy, science fiction, and paranormal investigation. The characters' interactions and dialogue feel authentic and original, adding depth to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-defined, with Venkman as the charismatic leader, Stantz as the enthusiastic team member, and Spengler as the knowledgeable scientist.

Character Changes: 4

There is minimal character change in this scene, as the focus is on establishing the Ghostbusters' abilities and business.

Internal Goal: 8

Stantz's internal goal is to prove the existence of ghosts and validate the work of the Ghostbusters team. This reflects his desire for recognition and validation of his scientific expertise in the face of skepticism.

External Goal: 9

The protagonist's external goal is to handle the media attention and public perception of their work. They aim to maintain their credibility and professionalism while dealing with the press and onlookers.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

There is moderate conflict as the Ghostbusters face skepticism from the press and negotiate payment for their services.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene comes from the public skepticism, media scrutiny, and the challenge of maintaining credibility in the face of disbelief. The characters face obstacles that test their abilities and beliefs.

High Stakes: 5

The stakes are moderate, as the Ghostbusters face skepticism from the press and negotiate payment, but there is no immediate danger or threat.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by showcasing the Ghostbusters' success, setting up future conflicts, and introducing key elements of the plot.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected reactions of the characters, the shifting dynamics with the media and public, and the humorous twists in dialogue. The audience is kept on their toes, unsure of how the scene will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the clash between scientific skepticism and belief in the supernatural. The Ghostbusters' claims challenge traditional scientific norms and societal beliefs about the existence of ghosts.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 5

The scene is more focused on humor and action than emotional depth, but there is a sense of accomplishment and excitement.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is witty, informative, and showcases the characters' personalities. It adds humor and depth to the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its mix of humor, suspense, and supernatural elements. The interactions between the characters, the media frenzy, and the public reaction create a dynamic and entertaining atmosphere.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a balance of dialogue, action, and character interactions. The rhythm of the scene keeps the audience engaged and maintains a sense of momentum.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions, character actions, and dialogue. The formatting enhances the readability and flow of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format that effectively introduces the characters, sets up the conflict, and advances the plot. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the scene's effectiveness and engagement.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear transition from the previous scene where Stantz was dealing with the vapor. It jumps abruptly to the Ghostbusters emerging from the elevator without a smooth connection.
  • The dialogue between the Ghostbusters and the Hotel Manager feels a bit rushed and lacks depth. It could benefit from more natural and engaging conversation.
  • The interaction with the reporters and the Street Punk adds some humor, but it feels a bit forced and could be more subtly integrated into the scene.
  • The singing of the Ghostbusters song by Stantz, Venkman, and Spengler seems out of place and disrupts the flow of the scene. It comes across as cheesy and unnecessary.
  • The montage at the end of the scene feels disconnected from the rest of the dialogue and action. It could be better integrated into the narrative to create a more cohesive transition.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a smoother transition at the beginning of the scene to connect it more seamlessly with the previous events.
  • Enhance the dialogue between the Ghostbusters and the Hotel Manager to make it more engaging and realistic.
  • Integrate the interactions with the reporters and the Street Punk more organically into the scene to avoid feeling forced.
  • Reconsider the singing of the Ghostbusters song to maintain the tone of the scene and avoid disrupting the flow.
  • Find a better way to incorporate the montage at the end of the scene to ensure it fits cohesively with the rest of the narrative.



Scene 19 -  Ghostbusters on the Case
91 INT. FIREHALL 91

The team hears the alarm buzzer. They leap from their beds
and slide down the pole.

ANNOUNCER (V.O.)
Now, most of us have never even
heard of a floating, slime-like
substance called ectoplasm, but
these gentlemen claim we will be
seeing a lot more of it than ever
before.

92 EXT. YANKEE STADIUM -- DAY 92

The Ectomobile is parked at home plate. The Ghostbusters
enter the Yankee dugout as a concerned Groundskeeper looks
on.

93 EXT. TIMES SQUARE -- NIGHT 93

The electronic Seiko sign flashes the news: Ghostbusters Nab
Phantom Bat Boy at Yankee Stadium.

94 FULL SCREEN VIDEO OF ROGER GRIMSBY 94

ROGER GRIMSBY
Good morning. Today the entire
Eastern Seaboard is alive with talk
of hundreds of reported incidents
involving multiple sightings in
what can only be described as
extreme events of paranormal
extraphenomenical proportions. It
seems everybody is willing to bring
their old ghosts and skeletons out
of the closet. Roy Brady reports
from New York.

95 EXT. IN FRONT OF FIREHALL 95

Minicam set up in street.

ROY BRADY
Thank you, Roger. Everybody's
heard ghost stories around the
campfire. Heck, my grandma used to
spin yarns about a spectral
locomotive that used to rocket past
the farm where she grew up.
(MORE)
58.
ROY BRADY (CONT'D)
Now, as if some unseen authority
had suddenly given permission,
thousands of people here are
talking about encounters they claim
to have had with ghosts.

Music and Teleclicker up.

96 EXT. TUDOR CITY -- DAY 96

The Ectomobile pulls up to a Gothic apartment building in
the complex. The Ghostbusters jump out, end hurry into the
lobby.

A POLICEMAN
He notices that the Ectomobile is
illegally parked and walks over to
gawk at the odd vehicle.

THE ECTOMOBILE
As the Policeman approaches, a set
of double antennae on the roof are
automatically activated. They
rotate and tilt to point at the
Policeman. The Policeman is a
little unnerved by the antennae and
starts to walk around the car, but
the antennae follow him with
unerring accuracy.

THE POLICEMAN
Eager to get away from the vehicle,
he quickly writes a parking ticket
and sticks it under the windshield
wiper.

THE WINDSHIELD
As the Policeman withdraws his
hand, the ticket heats up, bursts
into flame and burns up.

THE POLICEMAN
He stares at the ashes for a moment
then slowly backs away from the
car.
Genres: ["Comedy","Sci-Fi","Fantasy"]

Summary The Ghostbusters respond to paranormal incidents in New York City, including Yankee Stadium and Tudor City, amidst increasing sightings and media attention.
Strengths
  • Engaging concept
  • Well-developed characters
  • Witty dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Limited emotional depth
  • Minimal character development

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively blends comedy, mystery, and fantasy elements to create an engaging and entertaining narrative.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a team of Ghostbusters investigating and capturing ghosts is unique and well-executed.

Plot: 7

The plot is engaging and moves the story forward with the introduction of new paranormal encounters and challenges.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the supernatural genre by combining elements of humor and action with paranormal activity. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-developed and each brings a unique personality to the scene.

Character Changes: 6

There is minimal character change in this scene as the focus is more on the investigation and capturing of ghosts.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to investigate and address the increasing reports of paranormal activity in the city. This reflects their deeper desire to protect the public and maintain order in the face of supernatural threats.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to respond to specific incidents of paranormal activity, such as capturing a phantom bat boy at Yankee Stadium. This goal reflects the immediate challenges they are facing in dealing with supernatural occurrences.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

There is a moderate level of conflict as the Ghostbusters face challenges in capturing the ghosts and dealing with media attention.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene, such as the skepticism of the public towards paranormal activity, adds a layer of challenge for the protagonist and keeps the audience invested in the outcome.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are moderately high as the Ghostbusters face challenging paranormal encounters and media scrutiny.

Story Forward: 8

The scene effectively moves the story forward by introducing new paranormal encounters and challenges for the Ghostbusters.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected supernatural events and the humorous reactions of the characters, keeping the audience on their toes.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

There is a philosophical conflict between the skepticism of the general public towards paranormal activity and the Ghostbusters' belief in and experience with such phenomena. This challenges the protagonist's worldview and values, as they must navigate disbelief and skepticism while trying to address real supernatural threats.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The scene focuses more on humor and excitement rather than deep emotional impact.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is witty and humorous, adding to the overall tone of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its blend of humor, action, and supernatural elements, which create a sense of mystery and excitement for the audience.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and excitement, moving seamlessly between different locations and events to maintain the audience's interest.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings and descriptions that enhance the visual storytelling.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, effectively transitioning between different locations and building tension through the introduction of paranormal elements.


Critique
  • The transition from the firehall to Yankee Stadium feels abrupt and disconnected. There is no clear link between the alarm buzzer at the firehall and the team's arrival at the stadium.
  • The scene at Yankee Stadium lacks depth and detail. The concerned Groundskeeper is mentioned but not further developed or utilized in the scene.
  • The news report in Times Square adds some context to the Ghostbusters' activities, but it feels like an info dump that could be integrated more smoothly into the narrative.
  • The introduction of the Policeman at Tudor City and his interaction with the Ectomobile is quirky but feels out of place and doesn't contribute much to the overall story.
  • The scene lacks a clear sense of purpose or direction. It jumps from one location to another without a strong narrative thread connecting them.
Suggestions
  • Consider revising the transition between scenes to create a smoother flow of events. Connect the alarm buzzer at the firehall more directly to the team's arrival at Yankee Stadium.
  • Develop the character of the concerned Groundskeeper at Yankee Stadium to add depth and provide a more engaging interaction for the Ghostbusters.
  • Integrate the news report in Times Square more organically into the narrative to avoid feeling like an exposition dump. Show how the news impacts the characters or the plot.
  • Reconsider the interaction with the Policeman at Tudor City to ensure it serves a purpose in advancing the story or developing the characters.
  • Focus on maintaining a cohesive narrative thread throughout the scene to keep the audience engaged and connected to the story.



Scene 20 -  Ghostly Encounters on the Airwaves
97 INT. ECTOMOBILE -- NIGHT 97

Stantz is driving. Spengler and Venkman are asleep. They
all look completely exhausted.
59.

98 THE JOE FRANKLIN SHOW -- ON CAMERA 98

JOE FRANKLIN
Ray, every time I hear about your
company, I can't help thinking
about the old Bob Hope movie.

STANTZ
Actually, Joe, the title of that
film was "Ghostbreakers," and Olsen
and Johnson did one called "Ghost
Catchers" and the Bowery Boys did
"Ghost Chasers," "Hold That Ghost,"
"Spooks Run Wild," "Spook Busters,"
and "Spook Chasers."

JOE FRANKLIN
Well, in any case, I guess there's
one big question on everybody's
mind and you're certainly in a
position to answer it for us: Have
you seen Elvis and how is he?

99 INT. RADIO STUDIO 99

LARRY KING is doing his phone-in talk show.

LARRY KING
Our phone-in topic today: Ghosts
and Ghostbusting. The controversy
builds as more sightings are
reported and some maintain that
these professional paranormal
eliminators in New York are the
cause of it all. Why did
everything start just when these
guys went into business?

100 EXT. LINCOLN CENTER -- DAY 100

Larry King continues voice-over as members of the New York
Philharmonic come out the stage door of Avery Fisher Hall.

LARRY KING (V.O.)
Should they be allowed to carry
around unlicensed proton mass
drivers? And what's wrong with
ghosts anyway? Call us ... All our
lines are open. Hello, Larry King.

Dana is walking with another man, a VIOLINIST, when she sees
Venkman sitting on the edge of the fountain in the center of
the plaza. She asks the Violinist to wait and crosses to
Venkman.
60.

FEMALE CALLER (V.O.)
Hello, Larry? I think what Dr.
Spengler said in his interview with
you last night was true. The world
is in for a "psychic shock" 'cause
like my aunt reads coffee grounds
and she ...
(fade out)

101 VENKMAN AND DANA 101

She is surprised and a little bit pleased to see him.

VENKMAN
Great rehearsal.

DANA
You heard it?

VENKMAN
You're the best one in your row.

DANA
(skeptical)
Most people can't hear me with the
whole orchestra playing. You're
good.

VENKMAN
I don't have to take abuse from
you. I have other people dying to
give it to me.

DANA
I know. You're quite a celebrity
these days. Are you here because
you have info ... about my case?

VENKMAN
(looks at the Violinist
who appears to be getting
impatient)
Who's the stiff?

DANA
The "stiff?" He happens to be one
of the finest musicians in the
world and a wonderful man.

VENKMAN
Is he dying or something?

They glance at the Violinist.
61.

THE VIOLINIST
He takes a hit of nasal spray in
each nostril.

102 DANA AND VENKMAN 102

She looks at him trying to decide whether she likes him or
not.

DANA
He is a very close friend. Do you
have some explanation of what
happened in my apartment?

VENKMAN
Yes, but I have to tell you in
private at a fine restaurant.

DANA
Can't you tell me now?

VENKMAN
I'll cancel the reservation, I
found the name "Zuul" in ...
(reading)
The Roylance Guide to Secret
Societies and Sects. I don't
suppose you've read it.

DANA
You must have gotten the last copy.

VENKMAN
Well, the name Zuul refers to a
demi-god worshipped around 6000
B.C. by the ... What's that say?

DANA
Hittites, the Mesopotamians and
the Sumerians. "Zuul was the
Minion of Gozer."

VENKMAN
"Gozer" -- he was very big in the
Sumerian religion. One of their
gods.

DANA
What's he doing in my refrigerator.

VENKMAN
I'm checking on that. I think we
should meet Thursday night at nine
to talk about it.
62.

DANA
I don't think so. I'm busy
Thursday night.

VENKMAN
(persists)
You think I enjoy giving up my
evenings to spend time with
clients? I'm making an exception
because I respect you as an artist
and as a dresser.

DANA
(laughs)
All right. Since you put it that
way.

VENKMAN
I'll pick you up at your place.
I'll bring along the Roylance Guide
-- we can read after we eat.

DANA
I've got to go now.

She walks toward the Violinist. Venkman shouts after her.

VENKMAN
Remember. I'm the only one
standing between you and a heavy
Hittite.

She starts walking away.

VENKMAN (CONT'D)
(calls after her)
I'll pick you up at your place.

DANA
She waves goodbye and rejoins the
Violinist,

103 VIOLINIST AND DANA 103

VIOLINIST
(jealous)
Who was that?

DANA
Oh, he's an old professor of mine.

VIOLINIST
(doubtful)
Really?
63.

DANA
Yes. He's smarter than he looks.

They walk off.
Genres: ["Comedy","Fantasy","Horror"]

Summary While Stantz is interviewed by Joe Franklin about ghost movies and Larry King discusses ghostbusting on his radio show, Venkman meets Dana at Lincoln Center. They delve into Dana's case and the enigmatic name 'Zuul', setting up a meeting to further explore the matter.
Strengths
  • Engaging plot
  • Witty dialogue
  • Mix of genres
Weaknesses
  • Limited emotional depth
  • Some predictable elements

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively combines humor, mystery, and suspense, introduces new elements to the story, and advances the plot.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of investigating paranormal activities and ancient gods is intriguing and engaging.

Plot: 8

The plot advances with the investigation of Dana Barrett's experiences and the Ghostbusters' encounters with supernatural entities.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces fresh elements of supernatural mythology and ghostbusting, combining them with humor and character dynamics. The dialogue feels authentic and engaging, contributing to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 7

The characters are well-defined and their interactions add depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 6

There is some development in the characters' relationships and dynamics.

Internal Goal: 8

Venkman's internal goal in this scene is to impress Dana and gain her trust. This reflects his desire for validation and admiration, as well as his fear of rejection.

External Goal: 7

Venkman's external goal is to investigate the mysterious events in Dana's apartment and uncover the truth behind the name 'Zuul.' This goal reflects the immediate challenge he is facing in his ghostbusting business.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

There is conflict in the form of the supernatural entities the Ghostbusters encounter.

Opposition: 6

The opposition in the scene is moderate, with conflicts arising from the characters' differing beliefs and goals. The audience is left wondering how these conflicts will be resolved.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are raised as the Ghostbusters face supernatural entities and investigate mysterious occurrences.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by introducing new elements and advancing the investigation.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in the dialogue and character interactions. The audience is kept on their toes, unsure of how the relationships will develop.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the clash between science and the supernatural. Venkman's rational approach to investigating ghosts contrasts with Dana's experiences with the paranormal, challenging his beliefs and worldview.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The scene is more focused on humor and mystery than emotional depth.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is witty, engaging, and reveals information about the characters and the plot.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its mix of humor, mystery, and character interactions. The dialogue is witty and fast-paced, keeping the audience invested in the story.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-managed, with a balance of dialogue, action, and character development. The rhythm keeps the audience engaged and maintains the momentum of the story.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is well-executed, with clear transitions between locations and characters. The dialogue is formatted correctly, enhancing readability.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure, moving between different locations and conversations seamlessly. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the effectiveness of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear sense of urgency or tension, considering the previous events involving the Ghostbusters trapping a ghost in the banquet room. The tone of exhaustion and casual conversation in the Ectomobile does not align with the high-stakes nature of their work.
  • The dialogue between Stantz and Joe Franklin, as well as Larry King's radio show, feels disconnected from the main plot and slows down the pacing of the scene. It does not contribute significantly to the development of the story or the characters.
  • The interaction between Venkman and Dana at Lincoln Center lacks depth and emotional resonance. The dialogue feels superficial and does not effectively convey the gravity of the situation with Zuul and the paranormal events in Dana's apartment.
  • The transition between different settings and characters, such as the Violinist, feels abrupt and disjointed. There is a lack of cohesion in the scene, making it challenging for the audience to stay engaged and follow the narrative smoothly.
  • Overall, the scene could benefit from more focus on building tension, developing character relationships, and advancing the main plot involving the Ghostbusters and the supernatural occurrences in the city.
Suggestions
  • Consider revising the dialogue to add more depth and emotional weight to the interaction between Venkman and Dana. Explore their relationship dynamics and the implications of the paranormal events on their lives.
  • Streamline the scene by removing extraneous conversations and focusing on the core elements of the plot. Ensure that each interaction and dialogue exchange serves a purpose in advancing the story.
  • Introduce more visual elements or actions to enhance the sense of urgency and tension in the scene. Show the impact of the paranormal events on the characters and their surroundings to create a more immersive experience for the audience.
  • Work on smoother transitions between different settings and characters to improve the flow of the scene. Consider how each interaction contributes to the overall narrative and character development.
  • Maintain consistency in tone and pacing throughout the scene to keep the audience engaged and invested in the story. Balance moments of humor with moments of suspense to create a dynamic and compelling narrative.



Scene 21 -  The Ghostbusters' Office
104 INT. RECEPTION AREA -- DAY 104

Janine is handling a steady barrage of phone calls,
switching from one line to the other. WINSTON ZEDDEMORE, a
large, impressive-looking black man sits across from her
filling out a job application.

JANINE
(answering a call)
GHOSTBUSTERS -- please hold.
(switches)
Good afternoon, GHOSTBUSTERS --
please hold.
(switches back)
Yes, can I help you?
(pause)
Yes ... yes, Is it just a mist or
does it have arms and legs ...? Uh-
huh ... Well, the soonest we could
possibly get to you would be a week
from Friday ... I'm sorry, but
we're completely booked until then
... Uh-huh ... Well, all I can
suggest is that you stay out of
your house until we can get to you.
Thank you.

She hangs up.

WINSTON
Let me ask you something. The ad
in the paper just said "Help
Wanted." What's the job?

JANINE
I really don't know, Mr. Zeddemore.
They just told me to take
applications and ask you these
questions.
(she reads from a
questionnaire as if for
the hundredth time)
(MORE)
64.
JANINE (CONT'D)
Do you believe in U.F.O.'s, astral
projection, mental telepathy, ESP,
clairvoyance, spirit photography,
full-trance mediums, telekinetic
movement, black and/or white magic,
pyramidology, the theory of
Atlantis, the Loch Ness Monster, or
in general in spooks, spectres,
wraiths, geists and ghosts?

WINSTON
Not really. However, if there's a
semi-regular paycheck in it I'll
believe anything you say.

105 EXT. FIREHALL -- SAME TIME 105

A gaggle of autograph hounds is waiting on the street as
Ecto One pulls in. The front of the building now bears a
big neon sign with the Ghostbusters logo on it.

106 INT. GARAGE BAY -- DAY 106

Venkman and Stantz disembark. They carry a couple of traps
apiece. Their jumpsuits are covered with smoldering ecto-
slime. The Ectomobile looks like it's been through a war.

STANTZ
(exhausted)
Boy, that was a rough one.

VENKMAN
I can't take much more of this.
The pace is killing me.

107 RECEPTION AREA - DAY 107

Venkman enters with Stantz, crosses to Janine and drops a
paid invoice on her desk.

VENKMAN
Here's the paper on the Brooklyn
job. She paid with a Visa card.

JANINE
(hands a sheaf of work
orders to Stantz)
Here are tonight's calls.

STANTZ
(shuffles through them)
Oh, no. Two more free-roaming
repeaters.
65.

JANINE
And this is Winston Zeddemore. He
came about the job.

STANTZ
Hi. Ray Stantz. Pete Venkman.

They shake hands.

JANINE
(to Venkman)
And someone from the EPA is here to
see you.

VENKMAN
The EPA? What's he want?

JANINE
I didn't ask him. All I know is
that I haven't had a break in two
weeks and you promised you'd hire
more help.

VENKMAN
(surly)
Janine, I'm sure a woman with your
qualifications would have no
trouble finding a top flight job in
the housekeeping or food service
industry.

JANINE
Oh, really? Well, I've quit better
jobs than this one, believe me.

He exits.

STANTZ
He scans Winston's resume, ignoring
the flare-up between Janine and
Venkman. They start downstairs to
the storage facility.

STANTZ (CONT’D)
Very impressive resume. Electronic
countermeasures, Strategic Air
Command ... Black belt in Karate
... Small arms expert ... Mr.
Zeddemore, as you may have heard,
we locate ghosts and spirits, trap
them with streams of concentrated
quantum energy and remove them from
people's homes, offices and places
of worship.
66.

WINSTON
Yeah, I heard that. Now tell me
what you really do.
Genres: ["Comedy","Fantasy","Action"]

Summary Janine handles phone calls and Winston Zeddemore fills out a job application. Venkman and Stantz return from a ghostbusting job, exhausted and covered in ecto-slime. Janine informs them that an EPA agent is waiting to see Venkman. They discuss the need for more help, and Venkman jokingly suggests that Janine could find a better job in housekeeping or food service. Stantz briefly reviews Winston's resume and explains what the Ghostbusters do, but Winston remains skeptical.
Strengths
  • Witty dialogue
  • Character interactions
  • Introduction of new character
Weaknesses
  • Low emotional impact
  • Minimal character development

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is engaging, humorous, and sets up the introduction of a new character while maintaining the overall tone and style of the screenplay.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of hiring new help for the Ghostbusters team adds a fresh dynamic to the story and introduces potential for new conflicts and interactions.

Plot: 7

The plot progresses as the team deals with the aftermath of a ghostbusting job and prepares to hire a new member, setting up future developments.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh and original take on the supernatural genre by blending humor, skepticism, and practicality in the context of ghostbusting. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and relatable, adding to the overall originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters' personalities shine through in their interactions, especially in the witty dialogue and humorous exchanges.

Character Changes: 4

There is minimal character change in this scene, as the focus is more on introducing a new character and setting up future dynamics.

Internal Goal: 8

Janine's internal goal in this scene is to handle the overwhelming workload and frustration she is experiencing due to the lack of help and the demanding nature of her job. This reflects her desire for recognition, respect, and a better work environment.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to deal with the influx of ghost-related calls, manage the business operations of the Ghostbusters, and handle the arrival of the EPA representative. This reflects the immediate challenges and responsibilities they are facing in their profession.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

There is mild conflict between Janine and Venkman, adding tension to the scene, but it is not the central focus.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicts arising from the characters' differing beliefs, the overwhelming workload, and the arrival of the EPA representative. The audience is kept on their toes, unsure of how the characters will overcome these obstacles.

High Stakes: 4

The stakes are relatively low in this scene, focusing more on the day-to-day operations of the Ghostbusters team.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing a new character, setting up future conflicts, and maintaining the overall narrative flow.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected arrival of the EPA representative, the skepticism towards the supernatural, and the dynamic interactions between the characters. The audience is left wondering how the characters will navigate these challenges.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the skepticism towards the supernatural and the practicality of believing in ghosts and spirits for the sake of a job. This challenges the characters' beliefs in science, logic, and the unknown.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 5

The scene is more focused on humor and setting up future events rather than evoking strong emotions.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is sharp, witty, and reveals the characters' personalities effectively, adding depth to the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its fast-paced dialogue, witty banter, and intriguing mix of supernatural elements and everyday challenges. The interactions between the characters create tension and humor, keeping the audience invested in the story.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by balancing moments of tension, humor, and exposition. The rhythm of the dialogue and action keeps the scene engaging and dynamic.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with proper scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting that enhance readability and clarity.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear character introductions, dialogue-driven interactions, and a progression of events that build tension and conflict.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear sense of direction and purpose, with multiple threads of dialogue and interactions that don't seem to connect or build towards a specific goal.
  • The dialogue between Janine and Winston feels forced and unnatural, lacking depth and authenticity in their interaction.
  • The introduction of the EPA agent and the tension between Venkman and Janine feels abrupt and disconnected from the rest of the scene.
  • The transition between different locations and characters is jarring and doesn't flow smoothly, making it difficult for the audience to follow the scene.
  • There is a lack of visual description and setting details, making it hard to visualize the environment and characters' actions.
Suggestions
  • Focus on a central conflict or objective for the scene to give it a clear purpose and direction.
  • Develop more natural and engaging dialogue between Janine and Winston to create a more authentic interaction.
  • Integrate the introduction of the EPA agent and the tension between Venkman and Janine more smoothly into the scene to make it feel more cohesive.
  • Improve the transitions between different locations and characters by creating smoother segues and connections between each part of the scene.
  • Enhance the visual descriptions and setting details to help the audience better visualize the environment and characters' actions.



Scene 22 -  Confrontation with the EPA
108 INT. THE OFFICE -- SAME TIME 108

The walls are plastered with newspaper and magazine stories
on Ghostbusters. WALTER PECK, junior E.P.A. administrator,
is reading one of the articles when Venkman walks in.

VENKMAN
Can I help you?

PECK
(turns all business)
I'm Walter Peck. I represent the
Environmental Protection Agency,
Third District.

VENKMAN
(not impressed)
Great! How's it going?

PECK
Are you Peter Venkman?

VENKMAN
Yes, I'm Doctor Venkman.

Peck looks at Venkman's soiled jumpsuit.

PECK
Exactly what are you a doctor of,
Mr. Venkman?

VENKMAN
I have Ph.D's in psychology and
parapsychology.

PECK
I see. And now you catch ghosts?

VENKMAN
You could say that.

PECK
And how many ghosts have you
caught, Mr. Venkman?

VENKMAN
I'm not at liberty to say.
67.

PECK
And where do you put these ghosts
once you catch them?

VENKMAN
In a storage facility.

PECK
And would this storage facility be
located on these premises?

VENKMAN
Yes, it would.

PECK
And may I see this storage
facility?

VENKMAN
No, you may not.

PECK
And why not, Mr. Venkman?

VENKMAN
Because you didn't say the magic
word.

PECK
(sighs)
And what is the magic word, Mr.
Venkman?

VENKMAN
The magic word is "please."

Peck laughs nervously.

PECK
May I please see the storage
facility?

VENKMAN
Why do you want to see it?

PECK
Well, because I'm curious. I want
to know more about what you do
here. Frankly, there have been a
lot of wild stories in the media
and we want to assess any possible
environmental impact from your
operation.
(MORE)
68.
PECK (CONT'D)
For instance, the storage of
noxious, possibly hazardous waste
materials in your basement. Now
either you show me what's down
there or I come back with a court
order.

VENKMAN
(he's had it)
Go ahead! Get a court order. Then
I'm gonna sue your ass off for
wrongful prosecution.

PECK
(exiting)
Have it your way, Mr. Venkman.

VENKMAN
(shouts after him)
Hey! Make yourself useful! Go
save a tree!
Genres: ["Comedy","Fantasy","Sci-Fi"]

Summary EPA administrator Peck demands a visit to the Ghostbusters' storage facility but is refused by Venkman who dismisses Peck's skepticism. Peck threatens legal action, which Venkman challenges. The scene ends with Peck leaving the office unresolved.
Strengths
  • Sharp dialogue
  • Humorous tone
  • Engaging conflict
Weaknesses
  • Lack of emotional depth
  • Limited character development

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is highly entertaining, with witty dialogue and a confrontational tone that keeps the audience engaged. The introduction of the EPA agent adds a new dimension to the plot and sets up potential conflicts for future scenes.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the EPA inspecting the Ghostbusters' operation adds depth to the story and introduces a new source of conflict. The scene effectively sets up future plot developments and establishes the Ghostbusters' defiance against authority.

Plot: 7

The plot advances as the EPA agent confronts Venkman, setting up potential conflicts and obstacles for the Ghostbusters. The scene also introduces the theme of government regulation and interference in the Ghostbusters' work.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the clash between paranormal activities and bureaucratic oversight, with witty dialogue and unique character dynamics. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters, especially Venkman and the EPA agent, are well-developed and their personalities shine through in the dialogue. Venkman's sarcastic and defiant attitude contrasts with the EPA agent's seriousness, creating an engaging dynamic.

Character Changes: 5

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, it does showcase the personalities and dynamics of the characters, setting the stage for potential growth and development in future events.

Internal Goal: 8

Venkman's internal goal in this scene is to assert his authority and expertise in the face of skepticism and scrutiny from Walter Peck. This reflects his need for validation and respect for his unconventional profession.

External Goal: 9

Venkman's external goal in this scene is to protect the Ghostbusters' operation and reputation from interference and investigation by the EPA. This reflects the immediate challenge of maintaining their autonomy and credibility in the face of bureaucratic oversight.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between Venkman and the EPA agent creates tension and sets up potential obstacles for the Ghostbusters. The scene establishes a power struggle between the Ghostbusters and the government, raising the stakes for future events.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Peck representing a significant challenge to Venkman and the Ghostbusters' operation. The audience is left unsure of the outcome of their confrontation, adding suspense and conflict to the scene.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are raised as the EPA agent threatens to shut down the Ghostbusters' operation, adding a sense of urgency and danger to the story. The conflict between the Ghostbusters and the government introduces high stakes for the characters.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing a new source of conflict and setting up potential obstacles for the Ghostbusters. It advances the plot and establishes key elements for future events.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected power dynamics between Venkman and Peck, the shifting tone from humor to tension, and the uncertain outcome of their confrontation. The audience is kept on their toes by the unpredictable nature of the interaction.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between the skepticism and regulation of the EPA represented by Peck and the belief in the supernatural and the need for autonomy of the Ghostbusters. This challenges Venkman's values of independence and the importance of their work in protecting the city from paranormal threats.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The scene is more focused on humor and confrontation than emotional depth. However, the defiance and sarcasm of the characters can evoke a sense of amusement and engagement from the audience.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is sharp, witty, and filled with humor and sarcasm. It effectively conveys the personalities of the characters and drives the conflict forward. The banter between Venkman and the EPA agent is particularly entertaining.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the witty dialogue, dynamic character interactions, and the escalating conflict between Venkman and Peck. The humor and tension keep the audience invested in the outcome of the scene.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and humor through quick exchanges and escalating conflict. The rhythm of the dialogue and character actions keeps the scene engaging and dynamic.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear dialogue attribution, scene descriptions, and character actions. The formatting enhances the readability and flow of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear character introductions, conflict escalation, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness in building tension and humor.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear sense of urgency or tension, which is important for maintaining the audience's interest.
  • The dialogue between Venkman and Peck feels a bit flat and lacks depth, making the interaction less engaging.
  • There is a missed opportunity to delve deeper into the conflict between the Ghostbusters and the EPA, which could have added more layers to the scene.
  • The scene could benefit from more dynamic character interactions and a stronger sense of stakes to keep the audience invested.
  • The humor in the scene feels forced and could be more subtly integrated to enhance the overall tone.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more subtext and layers to the dialogue between Venkman and Peck to create a more engaging and dynamic interaction.
  • Introduce a sense of urgency or tension by highlighting the consequences of the EPA's investigation on the Ghostbusters' operation.
  • Explore the conflict between the Ghostbusters and the EPA in more depth to add complexity to the scene.
  • Enhance the humor by integrating it more naturally into the dialogue and character interactions.
  • Consider adding a twist or unexpected turn of events to keep the scene from feeling predictable.



Scene 23 -  Storage Facility Concerns
109 INT. FIREHALL BASEMENT -- SAME TIME 109

Spengler is at the work bench repairing a damaged proton
pack. The place is a mess with equipment, work orders,
parts, catalogs and old lunches piled everywhere. Half the
room has been sealed off from floor to ceiling with concrete
blocks to form a storage facility for captured spirits.
Winston is standing at a viewing slit staring into the
storage facility.

STANTZ
He inserts a trap into a metal-
lined slot in the wall of the
storage facility. Spengler crosses
to a control console to assist him.

STANTZ (CONT’D)
(pushing buttons)
Set entry grid.

SPENGLER
Neutronize. System shut.

He pushes more buttons and the slot lights up. Several
grating electronic snaps are heard, like the sound of bugs
being fried on an outdoor insect light. Then Stantz
withdraws the trap and tosses it into a bin marked:

110 FOR RECHARGE. 110

SPENGLER
I've got to sleep.
69.

STANTZ
I need two new purge valves. How's
the grid around the storage
facility holding up?

SPENGLER
I'm worried, Ray. It's getting
crowded in there. And all my
recent data points to something big
on the bottom.

WINSTON
(concerned)
What do you mean "big?"

Spengler picks up a Hostess Twinkie from the workbench.

SPENGLER
Well, let's say this Twinkie
represents the normal amount of
psychokinetic energy in the New
York area. According to this
morning's PKE sample, the current
level in the city would be a
Twinkie 35 feet long weighing
approximately six hundred pounds.

WINSTON
That's a big Twinkie.

STANTZ
We could be on the verge of a
fourfold crossover ... or worse.
If what we're seeing indicates a
massive PKE surge, we could
experience an actual rip.

Spengler nods gravely. Venkman enters looking very
concerned.

VENKMAN
Egon, how's the grid around the
storage facility holding up?

STANTZ
It's not good, Pete.

WINSTON
Tell him about the Twinkie.

Venkman lets that remark go and crosses to a TV monitor
linked to a camera inside the storage facility.
70.

VENKMAN
(peering)
I can't look anymore. It's too
depressing.

111 THE MONITOR. 111

We zoom in on the monitor and get our first real look inside
the storage facility. It is a bleak repository for souls of
many species. Strange lights, mists and spectral shapes
waft about aimlessly. Human-like figures lean against the
walls in despairing convict poses. Others flit and hang on
the ceiling. It is a sad and frightening limbo and a most
unholy makeshift asylum.
Genres: ["Horror","Comedy","Science Fiction"]

Summary Concerned about the deteriorating grid around the storage facility, Spengler, Stantz, Winston, and Venkman discuss the potential risks posed by the increasing number of captured spirits and the possibility of a massive psychokinetic energy surge.
Strengths
  • Engaging concept
  • Witty dialogue
  • Eerie atmosphere
Weaknesses
  • Lack of significant character development
  • Limited action

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively combines elements of horror, comedy, and science fiction to create a suspenseful and darkly humorous tone. The introduction of the storage facility and the Twinkie analogy add depth to the story.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of a storage facility for captured spirits and the use of the Twinkie analogy to explain psychokinetic energy levels are innovative and engaging. The scene effectively builds on the supernatural elements of the story.

Plot: 7

The plot advances as the characters discuss the increasing psychokinetic energy levels and the potential for a major event. The scene sets up future conflicts and developments in the story.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to dealing with captured spirits in a storage facility, incorporating humor and suspense in a unique way. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters' interactions and dialogue reveal their personalities and relationships. Each character contributes to the scene's tone and themes.

Character Changes: 5

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the interactions and dialogue reveal more about the characters' personalities and relationships.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to address the growing concern about the potential danger posed by the captured spirits in the storage facility. This reflects their deeper fear of a possible catastrophic event.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to maintain the grid around the storage facility and prevent any potential breaches. This reflects the immediate challenge they are facing in containing the captured spirits.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

There is a sense of escalating conflict as the characters discuss the potential consequences of the increasing psychokinetic energy levels. The scene sets up future conflicts and challenges for the Ghostbusters.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the growing concern about the captured spirits and the potential danger they pose creating a sense of urgency and conflict.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are high as the characters discuss the potential consequences of the increasing psychokinetic energy levels and the looming threat of a major event. The scene sets up a sense of urgency and danger.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing the concept of the storage facility, discussing the increasing psychokinetic energy levels, and setting up future conflicts and developments.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the escalating tension and the unknown outcome of the potential PKE surge and rip.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the ethical dilemma of containing captured spirits in a makeshift asylum. It challenges the protagonist's beliefs about the responsibility of dealing with supernatural entities.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The scene evokes a mix of fear, amusement, and concern, adding emotional depth to the story. The eerie atmosphere of the storage facility and the characters' reactions contribute to the emotional impact.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is witty, engaging, and reveals important information about the characters and the plot. It adds depth to the scene and enhances the overall tone.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the blend of humor, suspense, and supernatural elements, keeping the audience intrigued about the potential danger posed by the captured spirits.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged in the escalating situation.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with proper scene headings, action lines, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear descriptions of the setting, character actions, and dialogue.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear sense of urgency or tension, considering the gravity of the situation with the storage facility and the potential for a massive PKE surge.
  • The dialogue feels a bit flat and lacks depth, especially in conveying the seriousness of the situation. The characters' reactions to the impending threat could be more impactful.
  • The visual description of the storage facility is vivid and eerie, but the scene could benefit from more sensory details to enhance the atmosphere and make it more immersive.
  • The pacing of the scene could be improved to build suspense and maintain the audience's interest. It feels a bit static and could use more dynamic elements to keep the momentum going.
  • The transition between the characters' interactions and the visual description of the storage facility could be smoother to create a more cohesive narrative flow.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more tension and urgency to the dialogue and character interactions to heighten the stakes of the situation.
  • Enhance the sensory details in the visual description of the storage facility to create a more immersive and atmospheric setting.
  • Work on pacing and transitions to maintain the scene's momentum and keep the audience engaged throughout.
  • Explore ways to deepen the emotional impact of the characters' reactions to the impending threat, adding layers to their responses.
  • Consider incorporating more dynamic elements or actions to break up the dialogue-heavy parts of the scene and create a more visually engaging sequence.



Scene 24 -  A Nightmarish Encounter
112 EXT. MANHATTAN SKYLINE -- NIGHT 112

A mysterious cloud takes shape and hovers over Dana's
apartment building. Then a strange glow starts to radiate
from the temple-like structure on the roof.

113 EXT. THE TEMPLE -- NIGHT 113

The moon shines through the odd cloud configuration,
illuminating the ornate temple door with its two stone
Terror Dogs posed rampant on either side of the portal.

TERROR DOG
Its hideous stone features are
bathed in moonlight. The camera
PANS down its grotesque body to one
of its claws. Suddenly there is a
hiss and an audible crack of
disintegrating mortar as one of its
stone talons comes to life.

ITS HEAD
The stone figure opens its eyes,
revealing glowing red pupils
beneath the scaly lids.

114 INT. HALLWAY -- NIGHT 114

Dana gets off the elevator and immediately hears loud music
blasting from Louis' apartment as his party hits full swing.
She tiptoes past his door but despite the loudness of the
music, Louis somehow senses her presence and comes rushing
out into the hall.

LOUIS
Oh, Dana, it's you.

DANA
Hi, Louis.
71.

LOUIS
Hey, it's crazy in here. You're
missing a classic party.

DANA
Well, actually Louis I have a
friend coming by.

LOUIS
Great! Bring her, too. But you
better hurry. I made nachos with
non-fat cheese and they're almost
gone. I'll make some more though.

DANA
(entering her apartment)
Fine, Louis. We'll stop in for a
drink.

LOUIS
I got the Twister game for later
...

Dana closes the door leaving Louis alone in the hall, once
again locked out of his own apartment.

LOUIS (CONT'D)
(knocking on his door)
Hey. Lemme in ...

115 INT. DANA'S APARTMENT -- NIGHT 115

She enters and takes off her coat. She's wearing dance
clothes and appears to be really tired. She sits down in an
overstuffed chair and takes off her leg warmers. Then leans
back and closes her eyes. It is very quiet. Something
dreadful is about to happen. Then it happens. The phone
rings so loudly it makes Dana jump. She picks it up.

DANA
Hello ... Oh, hi Mom. Yes ... yes.
Everything's fine. No ... nothing.
Just that one time ... I am ... I
will ... I won't ... Mother! I'm
all right. I told you.
Everything's fine ...! All right.
I'll talk to you tomorrow ... I
promise. 'Bye.

She hangs up the phone, leans her head back and closes her
eyes again. We hold on her for a long beat.
72.

116 INT. THE KITCHEN DOOR NIGHT 116

An eerie light is seen coming through the cracks around the
door.

DANA
She sits up in surprise and looks
at the kitchen door.

DANA (CONT’D)
Oh, shit!

She starts to get up but suddenly a pair of scaly, inhuman
hands rip out of the chair cushion on either side of her and
clutch her around the waist. She screams and tries to break
their grip, but another pair of claws tears through the
upholstery and grabs her around the chest and neck, pinning
her to the chair.

THE CHAIR
As if drawn by a powerful force,
the chair with Dana in it slides
across the living room floor toward
the kitchen door.

117 THE KITCHEN DOOR 117

The whole door is now pulsing.

DANA
She is horrified.

118 THE KITCHEN DOOR 118

It swings open, revealing a fiery chamber where the kitchen
used to be. One of the Terror Dog creatures seen earlier in
the fridge is standing there waiting for Dana with
outstretched claws.

DANA
She screams as the chair propels
her into the kitchen. Then the
door swings shut behind her.
Genres: ["Horror","Fantasy"]

Summary A mysterious cloud looms over Dana's apartment, emanating an eerie glow from a temple-like structure. A stone Terror Dog adorning the temple awakens and its glowing red eyes fix upon Dana. Dana arrives home, exhausted, and hears a lively party in Louis' apartment. Louis urges her to join, but she declines, anticipating a visitor. Upon entering her apartment, Dana is startled by a loud phone call from her mother. Following the conversation, she observes an unsettling light emitting from the kitchen door. Abruptly, scaly hands emerge from her chair and seize her, pinning her down. The chair slides towards the kitchen door, which swings open, revealing a fiery chamber where a Terror Dog awaits. Dana screams as she is propelled into the kitchen, the door slamming shut behind her.
Strengths
  • Effective use of suspense
  • Strong visual imagery
  • Compelling supernatural elements
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue could be more impactful
  • Character development could be further explored

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene effectively creates a sense of horror and suspense, keeping the audience on edge with its supernatural elements and escalating tension.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of supernatural entities invading a character's home and transforming everyday objects into sources of terror is executed well, adding depth to the horror genre.

Plot: 9

The plot unfolds with a strong sense of mystery and fear, as Dana is confronted by otherworldly forces in her own apartment, leading to a chilling climax.

Originality: 9

The scene is highly original, blending supernatural horror with urban setting in a fresh and engaging way. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters react realistically to the supernatural events, heightening the tension and fear in the scene.

Character Changes: 7

Dana undergoes a significant change from a state of calm to terror, showcasing the impact of the supernatural forces on her character.

Internal Goal: 8

Dana's internal goal in this scene is to deal with her personal fears and anxieties, as evidenced by her conversation with her mother on the phone. She is trying to reassure herself and her mother that everything is fine, despite the ominous events unfolding around her.

External Goal: 7

Dana's external goal is to survive the supernatural threat that is now present in her apartment. She must navigate the terrifying situation and find a way to escape or defeat the creatures that have come to life.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between Dana and the supernatural entities, as well as the escalating tension, creates a high level of suspense and fear.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Dana facing a terrifying supernatural threat that she must overcome to survive.

High Stakes: 9

The high stakes of facing supernatural entities in one's own home and the threat to Dana's safety create a sense of urgency and fear.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing new supernatural elements and escalating the conflict between the characters and the entities.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the sudden appearance of supernatural elements and the unexpected turn of events as Dana is confronted by the creatures in her apartment.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the idea of facing one's fears and confronting the unknown. Dana must confront her deepest fears and find the strength to overcome them in order to survive.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes strong emotions of fear and dread, immersing the audience in the horror of the supernatural events.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue effectively conveys the characters' fear and shock, adding to the overall suspense of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its blend of supernatural horror, urban setting, and character interactions. The tension and suspense keep the audience on the edge of their seats.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and suspense as the supernatural threat escalates and Dana's situation becomes more dire.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, effectively building tension and suspense as the supernatural threat escalates.


Critique
  • The scene starts with a mysterious cloud hovering over Dana's apartment building, creating an eerie atmosphere. This sets the tone for a supernatural event about to unfold.
  • The description of the temple-like structure on the roof with the stone Terror Dogs coming to life is vivid and engaging, adding to the suspense of the scene.
  • The interaction between Dana and Louis in the hallway is well-written, showing Louis' obliviousness to the impending danger and Dana's tired demeanor.
  • The buildup of tension as Dana enters her apartment and senses something dreadful is well-executed, keeping the audience on edge.
  • The sudden appearance of scaly hands grabbing Dana from the chair adds a shocking and terrifying element to the scene, heightening the suspense.
  • The visual of the chair sliding across the room towards the pulsing kitchen door creates a sense of inevitability and impending danger for Dana.
  • The reveal of the fiery chamber behind the kitchen door with the Terror Dog waiting for Dana is a powerful and chilling image, effectively concluding the scene with a cliffhanger.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more sensory details to enhance the atmosphere, such as sounds, smells, and textures to immerse the audience further into the scene.
  • Explore deeper into Dana's emotions and thoughts during the escalating events to create a stronger connection with the audience and increase the tension.
  • Ensure a smooth transition between the different visual elements and actions to maintain a coherent and engaging flow throughout the scene.
  • Consider incorporating more dialogue or internal monologue from Dana to provide insight into her reactions and mindset as the supernatural events unfold.
  • Continue to build suspense and anticipation leading up to the climax of the scene to keep the audience invested and eager to see what happens next.



Scene 25 -  Unleashed Terror
119 EXT. DANA'S ROOFTOP -- NIGHT 119

A bright flash shoots out from the center of the pyramid,
lighting up the roof of Dana's building.

ROOF TEMPLE
All is as before except that both
stone Terror Dogs are ominously
missing from the structure.
73.

120 INT. LOUIS' APARTMENT -- SAME TIME 120

Louis is playing the perfect host to his clients, a general
cross-section of nerds and nerdettes, The music is much too
loud and the guests are scattered about the living room in
small groups making dull conversation.

LOUIS
He is emptying ashtrays and
cleaning them with Windex. A TALL
WOMAN approaches him.

TALL WOMAN
Louis, do you have any Excedrin or
Extra Strength Tylenol?

LOUIS
I have acetacylasilic acid but
generic from Walgreens cause I can
get 600 tables for 35% less than
the cost of 300 name brand. Is it
a headache?

The woman moves away.

121 THE BUFFET TABLE 121

Two stiff men are helping themselves. One is about to bite
into some lox when Louis joins them.

LOUIS
That's Nova Scotia salmon. The
real thing. It costs $24.95 a pound
but really $12.48 a pound net after
tax. I'm writing this whole party
off as a promotional expense.
That's why I invited clients
instead of friends. Try that Brie,
it's dynamite at room temperature.
Maybe I should turn the heat up a
bit ...

A SECOND WOMAN moves up to Louis.

WOMAN #2
C'mon Louis, maybe if we dance
other people will start.

They start to dance.

The doorbell rings. Louis bolts for the door hoping if's
Dana. It's another couple. Louis escorts them in and take,
their coats.
74.

LOUIS
Everybody, this is Ted and Annette
Fleming. Ted has a small carpet
cleaning business in receivership,
but Annette is drawing a salary
from a deferred bonus from two
years ago and the house has $15,000
left at eight percent.

He goes to the bedroom door with their coats and opens it.

122 INT. BEDROOM -- NIGHT 122

On the bed, standing up on all four legs, is a bristling,
panting, live Terror Dog. Too preoccupied to notice it,
Louis reflexively tosses the coats onto the bed. They both
land on the Terror Dog's head.

123 INT. LIVING ROOM -- NIGHT 123

Louis comes out of the bedroom and closes the door. Then
from within there issues forth a tremendous roar that
freezes the quest.

LOUIS
Okay. Who brought the dog?

BEDROOM DOOR
An instant later, the Terror Dog
bursts right through the door.
Wood chips and splinters shower the
guests.

THE GUESTS
They drop their drinks and canapes
as the Terror Dog lands in the
center of the room, snarling
hellishly.

It quickly scans the room, looking for Louis.

LOUIS
He yelps and runs for the door.

TERROR DOG
He lunges after Louis, but Louis
gets out just in time and slams the
door behind him.

124 INT. HALLWAY -- NIGHT 124

Louis tears off down the hall, bellowing. The Terror Dog
bursts through the door, lands in the hall and runs after
him.
75.

Louis ducks into the elevator.

125 EXT, DANA'S BUILDING NIGHT 125

A DOORMAN stands at his post near the revolving door, Two
elegantly dressed visitors wait as he phones to announce
them to one of the building residents. Suddenly Louis comes
running out of the door.

LOUIS
Help! Help! There's a bear loose
in my apartment.

He runs across the street and disappears in the park.

126 THE DOORMAN 126

DOORMAN
(mutters)
How he's got animals up there.

The Doorman turns just in time to see the Terror Dog before
it runs right over him and bounds across the street.

127 EXT. CENTRAL PARK 127

TWO BUMS stroll casually along discussing current events.

FIRST BUM
I think you're right about Central
America but I completely disagree
about the other thing. A good
heavyweight boxer could take a
Karate guy every time.

Louis runs by them, almost knocking them over.

LOUIS
(screaming)
Run! Run!

They turn to watch him go.

SECOND BUM
(shaking his head)
Rush, rush, rush.

They turn back just as the Terror Dog streaks past them in
hot pursuit. They recoil in fear and watch as the creature
sprints after Louis.

SECOND BUM (CONT'D)
That is one speedy mutt.
76.

FIRST BUM
He's a big one. You don't want to
mess with that particular breed.

SECOND BUM
Definitely some sort of fighting
Spaniel, I think.
Genres: ["Comedy","Horror"]

Summary Amidst a sunny gathering on Dana's rooftop, a blinding flash illuminates the night. Simultaneously, Louis' frugal party in his apartment descends into chaos as a live Terror Dog escapes, sending guests into a frenzy. Louis' penny-pinching showcase turns into a desperate escape as the fearsome beast pursues him into the park.
Strengths
  • Effective blend of comedy and horror
  • Tension and suspense
  • Engaging plot progression
Weaknesses
  • Limited emotional depth
  • Dialogue could be more developed

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively combines comedy and horror elements to create a unique and engaging sequence that keeps the audience entertained and on edge.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a Terror Dog chasing Louis in a comedic setting is innovative and entertaining, blending horror and humor seamlessly.

Plot: 7

The plot of Louis encountering the Terror Dog and trying to escape adds tension and excitement to the scene, driving the narrative forward.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a unique blend of chaos, humor, and technical details in a party setting, creating an original and engaging scenario. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and add to the unpredictability of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 7

The characters, especially Louis and the Terror Dog, play crucial roles in creating humor and suspense in the scene.

Character Changes: 5

Louis undergoes a brief change from a carefree host to a terrified individual, but the focus is more on action than character development.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to maintain his facade as a successful and knowledgeable host, despite the chaos and danger unfolding around him. This reflects his need for validation and control.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to survive the attack of the Terror Dog and protect his guests. This reflects the immediate challenge he is facing.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between Louis and the Terror Dog creates a high level of tension and suspense, driving the action forward.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the appearance of the Terror Dog creating a difficult obstacle for the protagonist to overcome, adding to the suspense and unpredictability.

High Stakes: 8

The high stakes of Louis being chased by a terrifying creature add intensity and urgency to the scene.

Story Forward: 8

The scene significantly moves the story forward by introducing a new supernatural threat and escalating the stakes for the characters.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the sudden appearance of the Terror Dog and the chaotic events that follow, keeping the audience guessing about the outcome.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict is between Louis' desire to maintain his image of success and control, and the chaotic and dangerous events that challenge this facade. This conflict challenges his values of appearance and reality.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The scene evokes fear and excitement in the audience, but could benefit from deeper emotional engagement with the characters.

Dialogue: 6

The dialogue is witty and adds to the comedic elements of the scene, but could be further developed to enhance character interactions.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the mix of humor, tension, and action, keeping the audience on the edge of their seats as they wonder how Louis will handle the situation.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene builds tension effectively, with a gradual increase in chaos and danger that keeps the audience engaged and invested in the outcome.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and follows the expected format for its genre, allowing for easy visualization of the action and dialogue.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with a buildup of tension and chaos, leading to a climactic moment of danger. The pacing and formatting enhance the effectiveness of the scene.


Critique
  • The transition from the rooftop scene to Louis' apartment is abrupt and could be smoother to maintain the flow of the story.
  • The dialogue between Louis and his guests feels a bit forced and overly detailed, detracting from the tension and suspense of the scene.
  • The introduction of the live Terror Dog in Louis' bedroom is a great twist, but the execution could be more impactful with better pacing and buildup.
  • The action sequence of the Terror Dog bursting into the living room is exciting, but the description of the guests dropping their drinks and canapes could be more vivid to enhance the chaos and fear in the scene.
  • The chase scene in the hallway and Louis' escape into the elevator is well-paced and adds tension, but the transition to Central Park feels a bit disjointed.
Suggestions
  • Consider smoothing out the transition between rooftop and apartment scenes to maintain continuity.
  • Streamline the dialogue in Louis' apartment to maintain tension and suspense.
  • Enhance the description of the guests' reactions to the Terror Dog's entrance to heighten the chaos and fear in the scene.
  • Build up the suspense leading to the live Terror Dog reveal in Louis' bedroom for a more impactful twist.
  • Ensure a smoother transition between the hallway chase and Louis' escape into Central Park to maintain the flow of the action.



Scene 26 -  Louis Possessed
128 EXT. CENTRAL PARK - NIGHT 128

Louis runs for his life, afraid to look back. He races
through a tunnel then sees the twinkling lights of the
Tavern on the Green restaurant and heads straight for it.

129 EXT. TAVERN ON THE GREEN -- NIGHT 129

Louis comes tearing into the courtyard of the restaurant.
Through the large picture windows he can see well-dressed
people sitting in the elegant dining room. He goes for a
door into the dining room but finds it locked. Then he tries
another door but it, too, is locked. Suddenly, he hears a
low rumbling growl from the bushes. Desperate now, he starts
pounding on the glass.

130 INT. TAVERN ON THE GREEN -- SAME TIME 130

The wealthy patrons look up and see Louis pounding on the
glass, screaming unintelligibly.

LOUIS
(muffled)
Help! Help!

They ignore his pleas and return to their salmon croute.

131 EXT. COURTYARD -- NIGHT 131

Louis' heart is pounding, his breath coming in compulsive
gasps as he turns to face the relentless Terror Dog.

132 THE TERROR DOG 132

It stands there silhouetted in the dark. Then it starts
advancing toward Louis, casting giant shadows on the walls.

LOUIS
He is paralyzed with fear.

LOUIS (CONT’D)
(trembling)
Nice doggie. Nice.
77.

133 THE TERROR DOG 133

It pounces with a tremendous roar.

134 INT. TAVERN ON THE GREEN -- NIGHT 134

The roar echoes through the restaurant. There is the sound
of a violent struggle, then all is quiet. Nobody notices.

135 COLUMBUS CIRCLE LATER 135

Louis walks out of the park, walking stiffly with a glazed
look in his eyes. He sees a horse and carriage parked at
the curb. He goes right up to the horse and speaks to it,
obviously possessed by the Terror Dog.

LOUIS
(to the horse)
I am Vinz Clortho. Keymaster of
Gozer, Volguus Zildrohar, Lord of
the Sebouillia. Are you the
Gatekeeper?

The COACHMAN sees Louis talking to his horse.

COACHMAN
Hey! He pulls the wagon. I make
the deals. You wanna ride?

LOUIS
(to Coachman)
Are you the Gatekeeper?

COACHMAN
No, I'm the Governor of New Jersey.
Now get outta here.

Louis glares at the Coachman. His eyes begin to glow,
magically.

LOUIS
(to Coachman)
You will perish in flames,
subcreature! Gozer will destroy you
and your kind!
(he whispers to the
horse)
Wait for the sign. Then all
prisoners will be released.

Louis lopes off across the street. The cars come screeching
to a halt to avoid hitting him.
78.

THE STREET
TWO MOUNTED POLICEMEN notice his
strange behavior and follow him
down the street.
Genres: ["Horror","Comedy","Fantasy"]

Summary Louis is pursued by the Terror Dog through Central Park and seeks refuge in the Tavern on the Green, but is ignored. The Terror Dog attacks Louis, who is seemingly killed, but he is possessed by the Terror Dog and makes strange demands of a Coachman. Louis, now possessed by the Terror Dog, walks away, followed by two mounted Policemen.
Strengths
  • Effective blending of horror, comedy, and fantasy elements
  • Intense conflict and high stakes
  • Emotional impact on the audience
Weaknesses
  • Some elements may be confusing for viewers unfamiliar with the Ghostbusters universe

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively blends horror, comedy, and fantasy elements to create a suspenseful and dark atmosphere. The introduction of the Terror Dog attack adds excitement and fear to the narrative.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of supernatural entities like Terror Dogs, possession, and the looming threat of Gozer's destruction is innovative and engaging. It adds depth to the storyline and keeps the audience intrigued.

Plot: 8

The plot advances significantly with the introduction of the Terror Dog attack, adding a new layer of conflict and raising the stakes for the characters. The scene keeps the audience engaged and eager to see what happens next.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a unique blend of supernatural elements, humor, and suspense in a high-stakes situation. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and add to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 7

The characters react realistically to the supernatural threat, showcasing their fear and desperation. Louis' transformation due to possession adds depth to his character and creates tension in the scene.

Character Changes: 7

Louis undergoes a significant transformation as he is possessed by the Terror Dog, leading to a change in his behavior and demeanor. This character change adds depth to the scene and creates a sense of unpredictability.

Internal Goal: 8

Louis's internal goal in this scene is to survive and escape from the Terror Dog. His fear and desperation reflect his deeper need for safety and security.

External Goal: 7

Louis's external goal is to find a way to protect himself from the Terror Dog and seek help from the people in the restaurant.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is intense, with Louis facing a life-threatening situation as he encounters the Terror Dog. The stakes are high, and the tension is palpable as the characters try to survive the supernatural attack.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Louis facing a life-threatening situation and encountering indifference from the wealthy patrons in the restaurant.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in the scene as Louis faces a life-threatening situation with the Terror Dog. The looming threat of Gozer's destruction adds urgency and tension to the narrative, keeping the audience on the edge of their seats.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward significantly by introducing the threat of Gozer's destruction and the supernatural entities like the Terror Dog. It raises the stakes for the characters and sets the stage for the climax of the narrative.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected supernatural elements and the uncertain outcome of Louis's encounter with the Terror Dog.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between Louis's fear and the indifference of the wealthy patrons in the restaurant. It challenges his belief in the inherent goodness of people and the idea of seeking help in times of need.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes fear, excitement, and tension in the audience as they witness Louis' desperate struggle against the Terror Dog. The emotional impact is heightened by the high stakes and the looming threat of destruction.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue effectively conveys the characters' fear and desperation in the face of the supernatural threat. Louis' interaction with the Coachman and the horse adds a touch of dark humor to the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the high stakes, suspenseful action, and supernatural elements that keep the audience on the edge of their seats.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a gradual buildup of tension and a fast-paced resolution that keeps the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and follows the expected format for a suspenseful action sequence.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with a buildup of tension, climax, and resolution. It effectively conveys the urgency of the situation.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear sense of urgency and tension considering Louis is being pursued by a terrifying entity.
  • The reactions of the wealthy patrons in the restaurant to Louis' distress seem unrealistic and detract from the suspense of the scene.
  • The transition from Louis pounding on the glass to the Terror Dog pouncing feels abrupt and could benefit from more buildup.
  • Louis' dialogue with the Coachman and the horse, while intended to show his possession by the Terror Dog, comes across as confusing and disjointed.
  • The scene could benefit from more visual descriptions to enhance the atmosphere and heighten the sense of danger.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more descriptive details to create a sense of impending danger and increase the tension in the scene.
  • Revisit the reactions of the wealthy patrons in the restaurant to make them more believable and impactful.
  • Build up to the moment of the Terror Dog's pounce with more suspenseful elements to create a more dramatic payoff.
  • Revise Louis' dialogue to make it clearer and more coherent, ensuring that his possession by the Terror Dog is effectively conveyed.
  • Enhance the visual elements in the scene to create a more vivid and immersive experience for the audience.



Scene 27 -  Unveiling the Gatekeeper
136 EXT. DANA'S APARTMENT BUILDING -- NIGHT 136

Venkman enters dressed neatly in a suit, holding a bouquet
of flowers for Dana. He sees two COPS talking to dishevelled
party guests. He sidles up to one of the cops.

VENKMAN
What's going on?

THE COP
Some moron brought a cougar to a
party and it went berserk,

VENKMAN
Oh.

He goes to the elevators.

137 INT. HALLWAY -- NIGHT 137

Venkman walks past Louis' apartment and curiously notes the
splintered door. Then he rings Dana's bell, waits, rings
again and knocks.

VENKMAN
(calls out)
Dana?

The door opens and Dana is standing there, but she has
changed radically from the woman we met earlier. Her hair
is down, flowing loosely over her naked shoulders, her eyes
are wide open, filled with a kind of love-slave longing, her
lips are parted and wet and her clothes are seductively
tattered. She stares at Venkman.

VENKMAN (CONT'D)
Hi.
(he notes the change in
her)
What happened to you? The cop
downstairs said an animal got loose
up here. What's the story? Are
you all right?

She stares at him as if she hasn't heard a word he said.

DANA
Are you the Keymaster?
79.

Venkman realizes that something bizarre has happened.

VENKMAN
Not that I know of.

She starts to close the door but Venkman slides past her
into the apartment.

VENKMAN (CONT'D)
(worried now)
Hey, Dana. What is it? What
happened?

DANA
I am Zuul. I am the Gatekeeper.

He looks around the apartment and notices the holes ripped
in the chair. Then he sees the kitchen doorframe charred and
blackened with soot.

VENKMAN
I think we better get out of here.

DANA
She crosses to the window and gazes
at the sky as if waiting for
something.

DANA (CONT’D)
We must prepare for the coming of
Gozer.

VENKMAN
(humoring her)
Okay, I'll help you. Should we
make some dip or something?

DANA
He is the Destructor.

VENKMAN
Really? Can't wait to meet him.
(he has an idea)
As long as we're waiting for him,
I'd really like to try something
with you -- in the bedroom.

He takes her hand and she yields. They enter the bedroom.
Genres: ["Horror","Comedy"]

Summary Venkman arrives at Dana's apartment building with flowers and encounters cops discussing a cougar at a party. He finds Dana transformed into Zuul, the Gatekeeper. Dana speaks of preparing for Gozer's arrival, and Venkman suggests going to the bedroom, temporarily resolving the conflict.
Strengths
  • Effective blend of horror and comedy
  • Intriguing introduction of supernatural elements
  • Compelling character transformation
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue may come off as slightly cheesy or cliched

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively combines elements of horror, comedy, and suspense to create a captivating and intriguing sequence.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of possession, the introduction of supernatural entities like Gozer, and the transformation of Dana add depth and intrigue to the scene.

Plot: 8

The plot advances significantly with the revelation of Dana's possession and the introduction of the impending threat of Gozer.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh take on supernatural elements, blending them with humor and suspense. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and contribute to the overall originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 7

The characters of Venkman and Dana are well-developed in this scene, with Venkman's humor contrasting with Dana's eerie transformation.

Character Changes: 7

Dana undergoes a significant change as she is possessed by a supernatural entity, leading to a shift in her character.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to understand and help Dana, who has undergone a drastic transformation. This reflects his deeper desire to protect and care for her, as well as his curiosity about the supernatural events unfolding.

External Goal: 7.5

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to ensure Dana's safety and figure out the cause of her transformation. This reflects the immediate challenge of dealing with a potentially dangerous situation.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict is high as Dana is revealed to be possessed, and the threat of Gozer looms large, creating tension and suspense.

Opposition: 7.5

The opposition in this scene is strong, with Dana's transformation presenting a significant challenge for the protagonist. The audience is left wondering how he will navigate this supernatural obstacle.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high as Dana is possessed by a powerful entity, and the threat of Gozer poses a significant danger to the characters and the world.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by introducing the threat of Gozer and Dana's possession, setting up the climax of the narrative.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the sudden shift in Dana's character and the introduction of supernatural elements. The audience is kept on their toes, unsure of what will happen next.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the supernatural elements introduced by Dana's transformation. It challenges the protagonist's beliefs in the natural order of things and forces him to confront the existence of otherworldly forces.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes fear, confusion, and excitement in the audience through Dana's transformation and the introduction of the supernatural elements.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue effectively conveys the shift in Dana's character and the introduction of the supernatural elements.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its blend of humor, tension, and supernatural elements. The audience is drawn into the mystery of Dana's transformation and the unfolding events.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the unfolding events.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of this scene adheres to the expected format for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions.

Structure: 8

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, effectively building tension and suspense while advancing the plot.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a smooth transition from the previous scene, where Louis is being pursued by the Terror Dog, to Venkman arriving at Dana's apartment building with flowers. The sudden shift in focus and tone may be jarring for the audience.
  • The dialogue between Venkman and the cop about the cougar at the party feels disconnected from the overall narrative and does not contribute to the development of the main plot involving Dana and the supernatural events happening in the building.
  • The transformation of Dana into Zuul, the Gatekeeper, is a pivotal moment in the story, but the scene does not effectively convey the gravity of this transformation. More emphasis on Dana's eerie appearance and behavior could enhance the suspense and tension in the scene.
  • Venkman's reaction to Dana's transformation is somewhat lacking in depth and emotion. As a key character, his response to the supernatural events should be more pronounced and reflective of the escalating danger and mystery surrounding Dana.
  • The dialogue between Venkman and Dana lacks a sense of urgency and intensity considering the dire situation they are in. The exchange feels somewhat casual and does not fully capture the gravity of the impending threat posed by Gozer.
Suggestions
  • Consider revising the opening of the scene to create a smoother transition from the previous events, perhaps by incorporating a brief recap or visual cue to connect the scenes more effectively.
  • Focus on tightening the dialogue to make it more relevant to the main plot and the escalating supernatural events. Remove extraneous details like the cougar incident to maintain narrative coherence.
  • Enhance the description of Dana's transformation into Zuul to heighten the suspense and horror of the moment. Use vivid imagery and sensory details to convey the eerie and otherworldly nature of her appearance.
  • Develop Venkman's reaction to Dana's transformation to reflect his shock, fear, and determination to confront the supernatural threat. Show his emotional journey as he grapples with the reality of the situation.
  • Revise the dialogue between Venkman and Dana to increase the tension and urgency of their interaction. Emphasize the imminent danger posed by Gozer and the need for decisive action to build suspense and engage the audience.



Scene 28 -  Dana's Possession
138 INT. DANA'S BEDROOM -- NIGHT 138

They enter and Venkman steers her onto the bed.
80.

DANA
(wantonly)
Do you want this body?

VENKMAN
(taking her pulse)
Well, I'll just use it for a while
and get it right back to you.

DANA
Take me now.

He checks her pupil dilation with a penlight.

VENKMAN
Well, I make it a rule never to
sleep with possessed people.

She pulls him down on top of her and kisses him with
supernatural lust.

VENKMAN (CONT’D)
(coming up for air)
Actually, it's more of a policy
than a rule.

DANA
(stroking him)
I want you inside me.

VENKMAN
(reluctant)
I don't know. You've got two
people in there already. It could
get a little crowded.
(he gently pushes her
back down on the bed)
I want you to close your eyes and
relax.
(she complies)
Now I'm going to speak to Dana and
I want Dana to answer.

DANA
I am Zuul. I am ...

VENKMAN
Right ... You're the Gatekeeper.
But I want Dana. Dana, speak to me
...
81.

DANA
(in a low, horrible
unearthly voice)
There is no Dana. I am Zuul.

VENKMAN
(recoils)
Whoa!! Nice voice.

She starts to sit up, but he restrains her with a light
touch on the shoulder.

VENKMAN (CONT'D)
(trying another approach)
All right -- Zuul. Listen
carefully. I don't know where you
came from or why, but I want you to
get out of here and leave Dana
alone. I'm going to count to ten
and when I'm finished, you better
be gone. Okay? Here goes. One ...
Two ... Three ...

A shudder runs through Dana's body, then she slowly starts
to levitate, rising a full three feet off the bed.

VENKMAN (CONT'D)
(aghast)
Wow!

He stands up and circles around the bed looking for some
sort of explanation. He passes his hands over her, then
under her, looking for wires or a force field. Then he
makes a few theatrical moves like a cheap magician.

139 EXT. HUDSON PARKWAY -- SAME NIGHT 139

Ecto One speeds northward, strobes lit.

140 INT. ECTOMOBILE -- NIGHT 140

Winston is at the wheel. Stantz pops open a beer and lights
a smoke. They both look completely wasted. Stantz is looking
over some blueprints.

WINSTON
Hey man. What is it you're so
involved with there?

STANTZ
Uh ... Oh these are blueprints of
the structural ironwork in Dana
Barrett's apartment building ...
And they're most unusual.
82.

WINSTON
(changing the subject)
Are you a Christian, Ray?

STANTZ
(examining documents)
Mmmhmmm.

WINSTON
Me, too.

STANTZ
(reacting to something in
the blueprint)
Boy! Solid cores of shielded
Selenium .325.

WINSTON
Do you believe in God?

STANTZ
No. But I liked Jesus' style.

WINSTON
Me, too. Parts of the Bible are
great.

STANTZ
(hardly listening)
The whole roof cap was fabricated
with a magnesium-tungsten alloy.

WINSTON
Ray, do you remember something in
the Bible about a day when the dead
would rise up from their graves?

STANTZ
(still absorbed by the
blueprint)
And the seas would boil ...

WINSTON
Right. And the sky would fall ...

STANTZ
Judgement Day ...

WINSTON
Yeah, Judgement Day.

STANTZ
Every ancient religion had its own
myth about the end of the world.
83.

WINSTON
Well, has it ever occurred to you
that the reason you've been so busy
lately is because the dead have
been rising from their graves?

They exchange a look of puzzlement and concern.

141 EXT.. FORT DETMERRING -- NIGHT -- SAME TIME 141

Ecto One pulls up to a pair of massive parapets and a hewn
timber gate set in a thick redoubt on an escarpment high
above the river. Two figures approach them from the shadows.
As they draw closer, Stantz and Winston see their Stetson
hats and uniforms.

PARK RANGER
Evening. We've had a problem here
for quite some time. I called your
outfit a couple of weeks ago.

WINSTON
Busy time of year.

PARK RANGER
Nobody likes to talk about this
sort of thing.

STANTZ
You don't have to worry about that
with us, sir.

WINSTON
Right. We'll believe anything.

142 INT. FORT -- GUNNER'S CORRIDOR -- NIGHT 142

Stantz and Winston walk past a long line of cannon. Their
visors are down. They wear the usual equipment.

STANTZ
You check the armory. I'll go down
to the officers' barracks.

They split up. Winston takes a long, low passageway. Stantz
descends a set of stone stairs. They both leave frame. The
sound of their separate footsteps fades O.S.

143 EXT. FIREHALL -- NIGHT -- SAME TIME 143

A police van pulls up, the garage door opens and Spengler
comes out of the building. He meets a POLICE SERGEANT.
They walk around to the back door of the van.
84.

SERGEANT
We picked up this guy and now we
don't know what to do with him,
Bellevue doesn't want him and I'm
afraid to put him in the lock-up.
I'm telling you, there's something
weird about him. And I know you
guys are into this stuff so we
figured we'd check with you.

The Sergeant unlocks the door and pulls it open.
Genres: ["Horror","Comedy","Fantasy"]

Summary In Dana's bedroom, Venkman attempts to communicate with the possessed Dana, who levitates off the bed as Zuul takes control.
Strengths
  • Effective blending of horror and comedy
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Strong character development
Weaknesses
  • Some may find the supernatural elements too intense
  • Lack of focus on secondary characters

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively combines elements of horror, comedy, and fantasy to create a captivating and engaging sequence that keeps the audience on edge while also providing moments of humor.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of possession by a supernatural entity, the battle between good and evil, and the exploration of ancient myths and prophecies are well-executed and add depth to the scene.

Plot: 7

The plot advances as Dana is possessed by Zuul, leading to a confrontation with Venkman and the revelation of the impending arrival of Gozer. The scene sets up important events for the rest of the story.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on exorcism and possession, blending supernatural elements with humor and wit. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters, especially Dana, Venkman, and Zuul, are well-developed and their interactions drive the scene forward. The comedic elements add depth to their personalities.

Character Changes: 7

Dana undergoes a significant change as she is possessed by Zuul, leading to a transformation in her behavior and demeanor.

Internal Goal: 8

Venkman's internal goal is to maintain his composure and professionalism while dealing with the possessed Dana, reflecting his desire to handle supernatural situations with humor and confidence.

External Goal: 7

Venkman's external goal is to exorcise Zuul from Dana and return her to normal, reflecting the immediate challenge he faces in dealing with the possession.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between Dana and the supernatural entity, as well as the internal conflict within Dana herself, creates tension and suspense throughout the scene.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the challenge of exorcising Zuul adding tension and conflict. The audience is unsure of how the characters will overcome this obstacle.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high as Dana's very soul is at risk due to the possession by Zuul, and the impending arrival of Gozer threatens the safety of the entire city.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing key plot points, such as the possession of Dana and the impending arrival of Gozer, setting the stage for the climax of the film.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable due to the supernatural elements and unexpected twists in the dialogue and character actions.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict is between the supernatural and the rational, as Venkman tries to reason with the possessed Dana. This challenges his beliefs in science and logic.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes fear, confusion, and a hint of lust, engaging the audience emotionally and drawing them into the characters' struggles.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is witty, engaging, and reveals the characters' personalities and motivations. It effectively blends humor with the supernatural elements of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its blend of supernatural elements, humor, and tension. The dialogue and character interactions keep the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene builds tension effectively, with a mix of dialogue and action that keeps the audience engaged. The rhythm of the scene contributes to its effectiveness.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions. The dialogue is well-formatted and adds to the overall tone.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with a buildup of tension and conflict, leading to a resolution. The pacing and formatting enhance the effectiveness of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene starts off with a tone of seduction and possession, which is intriguing and sets up a mysterious atmosphere.
  • The dialogue between Venkman and Dana/Zuul is engaging and adds depth to the characters, showcasing the internal conflict within Dana as she is possessed by Zuul.
  • The levitation of Dana adds a supernatural element to the scene, creating a sense of unease and tension.
  • Venkman's attempts to communicate with Dana/Zuul and his reactions to her possession are well portrayed, showing his mix of humor and concern.
  • The transition to the Ectomobile scene with Winston and Stantz discussing the blueprints of Dana's building feels abrupt and could be smoother.
  • The conversation between Winston and Stantz about biblical references to the dead rising adds an interesting layer to the story, hinting at a larger supernatural event.
  • The introduction of the Park Ranger and the setting at Fort Detmerring adds a new mystery and builds anticipation for what is to come.
  • The scene at the firehall with Spengler and the Police Sergeant introduces a new character and subplot, expanding the world of the story.
Suggestions
  • Consider enhancing the tension and suspense in the bedroom scene by adding more physical and emotional reactions from both Venkman and Dana/Zuul.
  • Ensure a smoother transition between the bedroom scene and the Ectomobile scene by finding a more natural segue or connection between the two.
  • Explore deeper into the biblical references and the concept of the dead rising, tying it back to the main plotline of the Ghostbusters facing supernatural entities.
  • Maintain the eerie and mysterious tone throughout the scene to keep the audience engaged and intrigued by the unfolding events.
  • Continue to develop the subplots introduced in the scene at the firehall and Fort Detmerring to add layers of complexity and depth to the overall story.



Scene 29 -  The Keymaster's Revelation
144 INT. THE POLICE VAN -- NIGHT 144

Louis is on the floor wearing a strait jacket. He is tied
to the bench with leather restraint straps and ankle cuffs.

LOUIS
(forlorn)
Are you the Gatekeeper?

Spengler notes the strange glow in Louis' eyes,

SPENGLER
Bring him inside, Officer.

145 INT. BASEMENT -- LATER 145

Louis is hooked up to a variety of strange contraptions
including something on his head that looks like an aluminum
mixing bowl wired with hundreds of electrodes. Spengler
monitors Louis' reactions as he questions him. Janine
watches.

LOUIS
I am Vinz Clortho - Keymaster of
Gozer.

SPENGLER
(reacts to the name
Gozer)
I am Egon Spengler, Creature of
Earth, Doctor of Physics, Graduate
of M.I.T.

JANINE
(looking through Louis'
wallet)
According to this his name is Louis
Tully.
85.

LOUIS
Oh, no. Tully is the fleshbag I'm
using. I must wait inside for the
sign.

JANINE
Do you want some coffee while
you're waiting?

LOUIS
(to Spengler)
Do I?

SPENGLER
Yes, have some.
(Janine goes to the table
and puts some water up to
boil)
Vinz, what sign are you waiting
for?

LOUIS
Gozer the Traveller will come in
one of the pre-chosen forms.
During the rectification of the
Vuldronaii the Traveller came as a
very large and moving Torb. Then
of course in the third
reconciliation of the last of the
Meketrex supplicants they chose a
new form for him, that of a Sloar.
Many Shubs and Zuuls knew what it
was to be roasted in the depths of
the Sloar that day I can tell you.

Spengler stares at Louis for a moment then looks over at
Janine.

JANINE
She rolls her eyes at Spengler and
mimes the traditional sign for
lunacy by pointing to her temple
and tracing a circle with her index
finger. Then the phone rings and
Spengler answers it.

SPENGLER
Hello?

146 INT. DANA'S BEDROOM -- SAME TIME 146

Venkman is lying on the bed with the phone. Dana is asleep
next to him, still floating three feet in the air with a
blanket over her.
86.

VENKMAN
It's Peter, Egon. I've got a
problem.

147 INTERCUT SPENGLER AND VENKMAN 147

SPENGLER
What is it?

VENKMAN
I'm with Dana Barrett and she's
floating three feet off the bed.

SPENGLER
Does she want to be?

VENKMAN
I don't think so. It's more of
that Gozer thing. She says she's
the Gatekeeper. Does that make any
sense to you?

SPENGLER
Some. I just met the Keymaster.
He's here with me now.
(there's a long silence
on the other end)
Venkman? Are you there?

VENKMAN
Yeah, yeah. I was just thinking.
It probably wouldn't be a good idea
for them to get together at this
point.

SPENGLER
I agree.

VENKMAN
You have to keep him there. Do
whatever you have to, but don't let
him leave, He could be very
dangerous.

SPENGLER
He looks nervously at Louis.

LOUIS
He pours some instant coffee
crystals into his mouth and chews
them up, then he drinks a beaker of
boiling water that's been heating
over a Bunsen Burner.
87.

SPENGLER
(into the phone)
All right. I'll try.

VENKMAN
I'll spend the night here and get
back first thing in the morning.

SPENGLER
All right, Peter. Good night.

They hang up.

JANINE
She crosses to Spengler.

JANINE (CONT’D)
(worried)
Egon, there's something very
strange about that man.
(she indicates Louis)
I'm very psychic usually and right
now I have this terrible feeling
that something awful is going to
happen to you. I'm afraid you're
going to die.

SPENGLER
Die in what sense?

JANINE
In the physical sense.

SPENGLER
I don't care. I see us as tiny
parts of a vast organism, like two
bacteria living on a rotting speck
of dust floating in an infinite
void.

JANINE
That's so romantic.

She hugs him, Spengler responds awkwardly, not sure where to
put his hands.

SPENGLER
(nervous)
You have nice clavicles.
(he gulps)
I wonder where Stantz is. I think
we're going to need him.
88.

148 148
Genres: ["Comedy","Horror","Fantasy"]

Summary Louis Tully reveals himself as Vinz Clortho, the Keymaster of Gozer. Spengler interrogates Louis, learning about Gozer's plans and potential forms. Janine expresses concern for Spengler's safety, sensing something ominous about Louis. Spengler dismisses her fears, claiming they are insignificant in the grand scheme of the universe. As they await further developments, Spengler realizes they may need Stantz's assistance.
Strengths
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Blend of genres
  • Introduction of new characters
Weaknesses
  • Some elements may be confusing for viewers unfamiliar with the Ghostbusters universe

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively combines humor, suspense, and supernatural elements to create an engaging and entertaining sequence.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of possession by ancient entities, the Keymaster and Gatekeeper roles, and the impending arrival of Gozer add depth and intrigue to the scene.

Plot: 7

The plot advances with the introduction of the Keymaster and Gatekeeper, the revelation of the impending arrival of Gozer, and the escalating supernatural events surrounding Dana and Louis.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces unique supernatural elements like Gozer and the Keymaster, while also incorporating scientific explanations and humor. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging, contributing to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-developed, with unique personalities and interactions that drive the scene forward. The introduction of new characters like Louis and the EPA administrator adds depth to the story.

Character Changes: 6

Dana undergoes a significant change as she is possessed by Zuul, while Louis transforms into the Keymaster, setting the stage for further character development.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to understand the significance of the signs he is waiting for and to fulfill his role as the Keymaster. This reflects his deeper desire for purpose and connection to a higher power or entity.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to prevent the Keymaster and the Gatekeeper from coming together, as it could have dangerous consequences. This reflects the immediate challenge of containing the supernatural forces at play.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between the Ghostbusters and the supernatural entities, as well as the internal conflict within Dana and Louis, creates tension and suspense in the scene.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the characters facing supernatural threats and conflicting beliefs. The uncertainty of the situation adds to the tension and keeps the audience engaged.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high as the characters face the impending arrival of Gozer and the threat of ancient entities taking over their bodies.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing key plot points, escalating the supernatural events, and setting up the conflict for the next act.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists and turns in the characters' actions and the revelation of supernatural elements. The audience is kept on their toes, unsure of what will happen next.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the characters' beliefs in the supernatural and their understanding of their place in the universe. Spengler's rational approach clashes with Louis' mystical beliefs, creating tension and uncertainty.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from humor to suspense to concern for the characters involved in the supernatural events.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is witty, humorous, and reveals important information about the characters and the unfolding supernatural events. It effectively conveys the tone of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its blend of supernatural mystery, scientific investigation, and witty dialogue. The interactions between the characters and the unfolding of the plot keep the audience hooked.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and maintaining the audience's interest. The rhythm of the dialogue and the progression of events contribute to the scene's overall effectiveness.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene adheres to the expected format for its genre, with proper scene headings, descriptions, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear transitions between locations and well-paced dialogue.


Critique
  • The scene transitions abruptly from Louis being tied up in the police van to being hooked up to strange contraptions in the basement, which can be disorienting for the audience.
  • The dialogue between Louis and Spengler is a bit convoluted and overly detailed, making it difficult to follow the conversation about Gozer and the Keymaster.
  • The interaction between Janine and Spengler, where she expresses her psychic feelings and he responds with existential musings, feels out of place and slows down the pacing of the scene.
  • The transition between Venkman in Dana's bedroom and the conversation with Spengler is a bit disjointed and could be smoother to maintain continuity.
  • The scene lacks a clear sense of urgency or tension, especially considering the gravity of the situation with Louis being possessed by Vinz Clortho.
Suggestions
  • Consider streamlining the dialogue between Louis and Spengler to make the conversation about Gozer and the Keymaster more concise and easier to follow.
  • Work on the pacing of the scene to maintain a sense of urgency and tension, especially in the interactions between the characters.
  • Smooth out the transitions between different locations and characters to ensure a seamless flow of the scene.
  • Focus on the core conflict and stakes of the scene, emphasizing the danger posed by Louis being possessed by Vinz Clortho to heighten the suspense.
  • Consider tightening the overall structure of the scene to keep the audience engaged and invested in the unfolding events.



Scene 30 -  Sensual Encounter
INT. FORT DETMERRING -- SINGLE OFFICERS' QUARTERS -- NIGHT

Stantz is in a painstakingly restored period room with a
four poster bed, writing table and wardrobe hung with
uniforms. His own jumpsuit and backpack lie in a heap
beside the bed. He fingers an officer's uniform then tries
it on. He steps to a full-length mirror and models it,
striking a few heroic poses. He shrugs, sits on the bed,
bouncing the mattress and squeezing it. He then lies down
full length and tests it, hands behind his head.

STANTZ
He yawns. His eyes droop, blink
and finally close. His head lolls
sideways, his mouth drops open
slightly and he drops off to sleep,
exhausted.

149 INT. WARDROBE -- NIGHT 149

A uniform sleeve moves slightly. A sabre in its sheath
begins to tap lightly against the open doorsash. A
phosphorescent light streaks out in between gaps in the
clothing, casting patterns over the room.

150 STANTZ' PACK AND WANDS 150

A panel light winks on. The needle on his PKE meter jumps
into the red.

STANTZ
He rolls over. From inside the
wardrobe a shimmering pink mist
rises up and begins to take form on
the ceiling.

MIST
The vaguest remnants of a human
form take shape. It hovers and
shifts as if appraising Stantz,

STANTZ
He tosses and rolls onto his back,
still deeply asleep.

BED CANOPY
The mist slithers in through the
curtains and takes a position above
him. It begins to descend slowly.

STANTZ
The mist widens and elongates and
sprawls in suspension over his
body. He wakes.
(MORE)
89.
STANTZ (CONT'D)
The apparition is inches above his
face. He gasps but can't move,
totally transfixed with fear.

STANTZ' POV
He is face-to-face with a lost
soul. It is a beautiful feminine
face. It presses in closer. He
sucks in his breath. Is he being
smothered? The gaunt figure then
slides slowly away from his face
and down to a spot below his waist.

STANTZ
He props himself up on his elbows
and looks down. Suddenly the
apparition vanishes. Then his belt
comes undone as if pulled by an
invisible hand and his zipper
slowly opens.

151 CLOSE-UP -- STANTZ' FACE 151

His look changes from fear to confusion to pleasure. He
closes his eyes and submits.
Genres: ["Horror","Fantasy"]

Summary Stantz tries on an officer's uniform in a restored period room at Fort Detmerring, only to fall asleep and encounter a ghostly apparition. The mist takes on a human form and interacts with Stantz in a mysterious and slightly sensual way, creating a sense of fear and confusion. The scene ends with Stantz submitting to the apparition as his belt comes undone and his zipper slowly opens.
Strengths
  • Innovative concept
  • Eerie atmosphere
  • Emotional depth
Weaknesses
  • Minimal dialogue
  • Limited character development

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively creates a suspenseful and eerie atmosphere, blending horror, fantasy, and erotic elements. The use of fear, confusion, and pleasure adds depth to the scene, engaging the audience in a haunting seduction.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a ghostly seduction in a period room is innovative and intriguing. It combines supernatural elements with erotic undertones, creating a unique and memorable scene.

Plot: 7

The plot revolves around Stantz's encounter with a ghostly apparition in a haunted room, adding to the overall mystery and tension of the scene. The progression of the plot keeps the audience engaged and curious about the outcome.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the supernatural genre by combining historical and modern elements with psychological depth. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 7

Stantz's reaction to the ghostly apparition adds depth to his character, showcasing his vulnerability and fear. The ghostly figure is enigmatic and seductive, adding an intriguing dynamic to the scene.

Character Changes: 6

Stantz undergoes a subtle transformation in the scene, moving from fear and confusion to a sense of pleasure and submission. The encounter with the ghostly apparition changes his perception of the supernatural.

Internal Goal: 8

Stantz's internal goal in this scene is to confront his fears and desires, as reflected in his reaction to the apparition. His deeper needs for validation and acceptance are evident as he submits to the apparition's presence.

External Goal: 7

Stantz's external goal is to rest and relax in the officer's quarters, as indicated by his actions of trying on the uniform and testing the bed. However, the appearance of the apparition disrupts this goal.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict in the scene arises from Stantz's encounter with the ghostly apparition, creating a sense of tension and unease. The supernatural elements add an additional layer of conflict to the narrative.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, as Stantz is faced with a supernatural presence that challenges his beliefs and understanding of the world. The audience is left wondering how he will react to this unexpected obstacle.

High Stakes: 7

The high stakes in the scene revolve around Stantz's encounter with the ghostly apparition, as it challenges his beliefs and perceptions of the supernatural. The seductive and eerie nature of the encounter raises the stakes for the characters involved.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by introducing a new supernatural element and deepening the mystery surrounding the ghostly apparition. It sets the stage for further exploration of the supernatural world within the narrative.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the sudden appearance of the apparition and the unexpected turn of events. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of what will happen next.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the supernatural and the unknown, challenging Stantz's beliefs and understanding of the world. The apparition's presence forces him to confront his fears and question his reality.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from fear and confusion to pleasure and intrigue. The haunting seduction of the ghostly figure leaves a lasting impact on both the characters and the audience.

Dialogue: 6

The dialogue in the scene is minimal but effective in conveying Stantz's fear and confusion. The lack of dialogue enhances the eerie atmosphere and allows the visuals to drive the narrative.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its blend of historical detail, supernatural elements, and psychological depth. The tension and suspense build effectively, keeping the audience invested in Stantz's experience.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-crafted, with a gradual buildup of tension and suspense leading to the apparition's appearance. The rhythm of the scene enhances its effectiveness and impact.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is well-executed, with clear transitions between locations and actions. The use of descriptive language and visual cues enhances the reader's understanding of the setting and characters.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear and engaging structure, with a buildup of tension and suspense leading to the apparition's appearance. The formatting enhances the atmosphere and pacing of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene lacks clarity in terms of the apparition's intentions and actions, leading to confusion for the audience.
  • The transition from fear to pleasure in Stantz's reaction to the apparition's actions feels abrupt and unrealistic.
  • The scene borders on being inappropriate and uncomfortable due to the suggestive nature of the apparition's interactions with Stantz.
  • The visual descriptions of the mist and apparition could be more vivid and engaging to create a stronger sense of atmosphere and tension.
  • The scene could benefit from more context or foreshadowing to better connect it to the overall narrative and character arcs.
Suggestions
  • Clarify the intentions and actions of the apparition to make the scene more coherent and engaging.
  • Consider revising Stantz's reaction to the apparition to ensure it aligns with his character and the tone of the screenplay.
  • Avoid suggestive or uncomfortable interactions between characters to maintain a professional and appropriate tone.
  • Enhance the visual descriptions of the mist and apparition to create a more immersive and suspenseful atmosphere.
  • Integrate the scene more effectively into the larger narrative by providing context or foreshadowing to tie it to the overall story.



Scene 31 -  Confrontation at the Firehouse
152 INT. BARRACKS CORRIDOR -- NIGHT 152

Winston is smoking a cigarette, ambling down the barracks
corridor. He hears voices and walks to the door of the
barracks.

WINSTON
Stantz? You okay in there?

STANTZ
(from inside)

153 LATER, MAN!! 153

Winston shrugs and slinks out.

154 EXT. FIREHALL -- MORNING 154

Two cars pull up out front, a New York City Police car and a
lime green K-car with U.S. Government plates. They are
followed by a Con Edison utilities van and a County
Sheriff's car. Peck gets out of the government car. Two
COPS step out and flank him. A POLICE CAPTAIN joins them
and they all enter the firehall.
90.

155 INT. FIREHALL -- RECEPTION AREA 155

Janine is at her desk when the law enters and walks right
past her.

PECK
(heading for the
basement)
This way, Captain.

JANINE
(rushes over to block
their way)
I beg your pardon! Just where do
you think you're going?

PECK
Step aside, Miss, or I'll have you
arrested for interfering with a
police officer.

JANINE
(not moving)
Who do you think you're talking to,
Mister? Do I look like a child?
You can't come in here without some
kind of warrant or writ or
something.

Peck hands her the court orders.

PECK
(naming them)
Cease and desist all commerce
order, seizure of premises and
chattels, ban on the use of public
utilities for non-licensed waste
handlers and a Federal Entry and
Inspection Order.

JANINE
(steps aside)
This is just like Poland.

Peck brushes past her and leads his cohorts toward the
basement.

156 INT. BASEMENT -- LATER 156

Spengler is arguing with Peck. Louis is sitting quietly in
the corner, watching the argument with interest.
91.

PECK
(high-handed)
I want to see what's in there. Now
either you shut off those "beams"
or we'll shut them off for you.

SPENGLER
(calmly)
You can see what's inside through
the monitor if you wish.

He switches it on.

PECK
(ignores it)
I'm not interested in TV right now.

157 EXT. FIREHALL 157

Venkman arrives in a taxi, sees the police cars parked
outside and dashes in.

158 INT. BASEMENT 158

The argument is still going on when Venkman enters and
asserts himself.

VENKMAN
(to Policemen)
At ease, Officers. I'm Peter
Venkman. I think there's been some
kind of misunderstanding here and I
want to cooperate in every way I
can.

PECK
(turns on him
immediately)
Forget it, Venkman. You had your
chance to cooperate but you thought
it was more fun to insult me. Now
it's my turn, smart-ass.

SPENGLER
(excited)
He wants to shut down the storage
grid.

VENKMAN
If you turn that thing off we won't
be responsible for the
consequences.
92.

PECK
On the contrary! You will be held
completely responsible.
(to the Con-Ed Man)
Turn it off.

The CON-ED MAN steps to the control panel and looks at the
switches, meters and chasing lights.

VENKMAN
(to the Con-Ed Man)
Don't do it! I'm warning you.

159 THE CON-ED MAN 159

He looks nervously at the Police Captain.

CON-ED MAN
I've never seen anything like this
before. I don't know ...

PECK
(enraged)
Just do it, fella. Nobody asked
for your opinion.

The Con-Ed Man reaches for a switch but Venkman grabs him
from behind.

VENKMAN
(to the Con-Ed Man)
Don't be a jerk!

The Cops grab Venkman and drag him off the Con-Ed Man.

PECK
If he tries that again, shoot him.

The Captain looks at Peck with contempt.

CAPTAIN
(to Peck)
You do your job, pencil-neck.
Don't tell us how to do ours.

VENKMAN
Thank you, Officer.

PECK
(to Con-Ed Man)
Now turn it off.

The Cops slacken their hold on Venkman. He looks at
Spengler, worried.
93.

SPENGLER
He mimes an explosion with his
hands.

VENKMAN
He nods and backs towards the door.
Spengler gets the same thought.

LOUIS
He sees Spengler backing away and
starts to do the same.

CONTROL PANEL
The Con-Ed Man turns all the
switches to the OFF position. The
panel lights go out.

POWER METER
The needle indicator drops to zero.

PECK
He feels the floor start to shake.

160 VENKMAN, SPENGLER AND LOUIS 160

They run like crazy for the stairs. Spengler grabs Janine on
the way out.

161 THE STORAGE FACILITY 161

A strange light starts to leak through the cracks between
the concrete blocks. Suddenly one of the blocks is blown
across the room.
Genres: ["Comedy","Sci-Fi","Action"]

Summary Stantz acts strangely, law enforcement arrives demanding access to the storage grid, despite protests from Janine and Spengler. Venkman attempts to mediate but is arrested. As the grid is deactivated, the lights fail and the building shakes, with strange light and debris escaping the storage room.
Strengths
  • Sharp dialogue
  • Tension-filled conflict
  • Humorous moments
Weaknesses
  • Limited emotional depth
  • Slightly predictable outcome

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is engaging, with a good balance of tension, humor, and conflict. It moves the story forward significantly and sets up a major conflict between the Ghostbusters and the government.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the government trying to shut down the Ghostbusters' operation adds depth to the story and raises the stakes for the characters. It introduces a new layer of conflict and challenges for the protagonists.

Plot: 7

The plot thickens as the government threatens the Ghostbusters' operation, creating a sense of urgency and raising the stakes. The scene sets up a major conflict that will drive the story forward.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a unique blend of government intervention, scientific experimentation, and supernatural elements, creating a fresh and engaging narrative. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and add depth to the story.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters' personalities shine through in their interactions with the government officials, showcasing their defiance, humor, and determination. The scene further develops the characters and their relationships.

Character Changes: 6

The characters show their defiance and determination in the face of government interference, showcasing their resilience and commitment to their cause. While there may not be significant character growth in this scene, it reinforces their core traits.

Internal Goal: 8

Winston's internal goal is to check on his colleague Stantz and ensure his safety. This reflects his caring nature and sense of responsibility towards his team.

External Goal: 9

The protagonist's external goal is to prevent the shutdown of the storage grid, as he believes it will have dangerous consequences. This reflects his dedication to his work and the protection of others.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between the Ghostbusters and the government officials is intense and high-stakes, adding tension and drama to the scene. The clash of ideologies and goals creates a compelling conflict that drives the story forward.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting goals and motivations driving the characters' actions. The audience is left uncertain about the outcome, adding to the suspense.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in this scene as the government threatens to shut down the Ghostbusters' operation, putting their livelihood and mission at risk. The conflict raises the stakes for the characters and adds urgency to the story.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by introducing a major conflict between the Ghostbusters and the government officials. It sets up future challenges and obstacles for the protagonists, driving the narrative towards a climax.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists and turns in the characters' actions and the escalating conflict. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how the situation will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between the government's authority to regulate and control the situation and the scientists' belief in the potential dangers of shutting down the storage grid. This challenges the protagonist's values of scientific integrity and responsibility.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

While the scene is more focused on tension and conflict than emotional depth, there is still a sense of urgency and defiance that resonates with the audience. The high stakes and confrontational dialogue evoke strong emotions.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is sharp, witty, and confrontational, adding depth to the characters and driving the conflict forward. The banter between the Ghostbusters and the government officials is engaging and entertaining.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its fast-paced action, witty dialogue, and high-stakes conflict. The escalating tension keeps the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-managed, with a gradual buildup of tension leading to a climactic moment. The rhythm of the dialogue and action sequences enhances the scene's effectiveness.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is well-executed, with clear scene descriptions, character actions, and dialogue. It adheres to the expected format for its genre.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear and engaging structure, with a buildup of tension and conflict leading to a climactic moment. The pacing and formatting enhance the scene's impact.


Critique
  • The scene lacks clear direction and purpose, with a lot of chaotic elements introduced without proper development.
  • The conflict between the Ghostbusters and the authorities is not well-established or resolved effectively.
  • The dialogue feels forced and lacks depth, with characters making unrealistic decisions and interactions.
  • The tension and suspense in the scene are not effectively built up, leading to a lackluster climax.
  • The visual elements and descriptions are not utilized to create a vivid and engaging setting for the scene.
Suggestions
  • Focus on establishing a clear conflict and goal for the scene to drive the narrative forward.
  • Develop the dialogue to be more realistic and reflective of the characters' motivations and personalities.
  • Build up the tension and suspense gradually throughout the scene to create a more impactful climax.
  • Utilize visual elements and descriptions to enhance the setting and create a more immersive experience for the audience.
  • Consider streamlining the introduction of new characters and elements to avoid overwhelming the audience.



Scene 32 -  The Iridescent Geyser
162 EXT. THE FIREHALL 162

Everyone comes running out as the storage facility explodes.
A powerful geyser of irridescent energy shoots out the top
of the building like a phenomenal Roman Candle reaching a
hundred feet in the air.

163 INT. DANA'S BEDROOM -- THAT INSTANT 163

As the explosion rumbles in the distance, Dana's eyes pop
open as if cued by the blast.

164 EXT. FIREHALL -- SAME TIME 164

Venkman, Spengler and the others are dodging and ducking a
shower of debris.
94.

LOUIS
He stands there oblivious to the
danger, looking up at the glowing
geyser of energy. Janine is beside
him.

LOUIS (CONT’D)
It is time. This is the sign.

JANINE
It's a sign, all right ... "Going
Out Of Business."

Louis walks off down the street as if in the grip of some
powerful psychic compulsion. The others are too busy to
notice his departure.

165 EXT. LOWER MANHATTAN 165

A wide shot of the island shows the glistening geyser
spurting high into the air. The irridescent cloud,
generated by the geyser starts moving across Manhattan
toward Dana's building. Sirens are screaming all over town
as police cars, fire trucks and emergency vehicles race to
the scene.

166 EXT. FIREHALL -- LATER 166

Firetrucks, police cars, Con-Ed trucks and a general mob are
assembled, watching the roof of the building which is
spurting a translucent blue substance. It looks like a
massive natural gas flame. Bits of ecto material rain down
on the on-lookers.

SPENGLER
Flanked by police, he tries to
answer questions from fire
department officials and a
hazardous chemical EXPERT in a
bulky decontamination suit.

GUY IN SUIT
... does it contain TCE, PCB or
tailings from styrene esters or any
polyfluoric groups...?

FIRE CAPTAIN
What are the pink particles? What
will happen if we use water?

Spengler just shakes his head.
95.

SPENGLER
No ... no water. There's nothing
you can do.

FIRE CAPTAIN
Did you have any kind of solvents
or any concentrated sulphurs of any
kind?

Ecto One pulls up. Winston and Stantz jump out. Stantz finds
Venkman and Spengler.

STANTZ
What happened??!!!?

SPENGLER
The storage facility blew. This
one ...
(indicates Peck)
... shut off the protection grid.

VENKMAN
Suddenly remembers another problem.

VENKMAN (CONT’D)
(to Spengler)
Where's the Keymaster?

SPENGLER
(looks for Louis)
Oh, shit!

STANTZ
(at a loss)
Who's the Keymaster?

Spengler looks at Venkman. They both tear off to find Louis
but Peck intervenes.

PECK
(to a Cop)
Stop them! I want them arrested,
Captain. These men have been acting
in criminal violation of the
Environmental Protection Act and
this explosion was a direct result.

The Police Captain restrains Venkman from leaving.

VENKMAN
(shouts at Peck)
You turned off the power!
(to Captain)
(MORE)
96.
VENKMAN (CONT'D)
Look, there was another man here
... You have to find him and bring
him back. A short determined-
looking guy with the eyes of a
happy zombie.

PECK
(to the Cop)
See! They are using drugs.

Spengler turns on Peck with uncharacteristic fury.

SPENGLER
If you don't shut up I'm going to
rip out your septum.

Peck backs off.

POLICE CAPTAIN
(exasperated)
I don't know what's going on here
but I'm going to have to arrest you
all. You can discuss it with the
judge. I'm going to read you your
rights now, so please listen
carefully ...
Genres: ["Comedy","Sci-Fi","Action"]

Summary An explosion at a storage facility unleashes an iridescent energy geyser that wreaks havoc in Lower Manhattan. Louis interprets the explosion as a sign, while the Ghostbusters face accusations from the authorities. Amidst the chaos, the geyser moves towards Dana's building, further escalating the situation.
Strengths
  • Intense and dramatic atmosphere
  • Sharp dialogue reflecting character conflicts
  • High stakes and escalating tension
Weaknesses
  • Some characters' reactions could be more developed
  • Dialogue could be more varied and nuanced

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is intense, dramatic, and sets up a major turning point in the story with the explosion and the escalating conflict with the authorities.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the Ghostbusters facing consequences for their actions and the supernatural forces at play is well-executed and adds depth to the story.

Plot: 8

The plot advances significantly with the explosion and the introduction of new challenges for the characters, raising the stakes and setting up future conflicts.

Originality: 9

The scene is original in its blend of supernatural and comedic elements, as well as in its portrayal of a chaotic and dangerous situation. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 7

The characters show their personalities under pressure, with Venkman's defiance, Spengler's fury, and Peck's skepticism adding to the tension of the scene.

Character Changes: 6

The characters face new challenges and conflicts in this scene, but their core personalities remain consistent, setting up potential growth in future scenes.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to protect the city from the supernatural threat and to find the Keymaster. This reflects their deeper desire to maintain order and safety in the face of chaos and danger.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to prevent further destruction and chaos caused by the explosion and the geyser of energy. This reflects the immediate challenge they are facing in the scene.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is high, with the Ghostbusters facing arrest, supernatural forces, and the aftermath of the explosion, creating tension and urgency.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing obstacles from both supernatural forces and human adversaries.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in this scene, with the Ghostbusters facing arrest, supernatural threats, and the aftermath of the explosion, raising the tension and urgency of the situation.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward with the explosion, the conflict with the authorities, and the introduction of new supernatural threats, setting up future developments.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists and turns in the plot, as well as the characters' unpredictable actions.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

There is a philosophical conflict between the protagonist's belief in the supernatural and the antagonist's belief in criminal violations of the Environmental Protection Act. This challenges the protagonist's worldview and values.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes anxiety, frustration, and confusion in the characters and the audience, heightening the emotional impact of the events unfolding.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is sharp and reflects the escalating conflict and chaos of the scene, with confrontations and tension between the characters.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its fast-paced action, witty dialogue, and high stakes.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining tension and keeping the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings and action descriptions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution.


Critique
  • The scene starts with a powerful explosion at the storage facility, which creates a geyser of iridescent energy shooting into the air. While this is visually striking, the transition to Dana's bedroom waking up from the explosion feels abrupt and disconnected.
  • Louis's reaction to the explosion, interpreting it as a sign, seems rushed and lacks depth. His departure down the street without anyone noticing feels contrived and unrealistic.
  • The description of the iridescent cloud moving towards Dana's building lacks a sense of urgency and fails to build tension effectively. The introduction of various emergency vehicles and personnel feels chaotic and lacks clear direction.
  • The interaction between Spengler and the authorities, discussing the translucent blue substance and potential hazards, feels overly technical and slows down the pacing of the scene. The dialogue about solvents and chemicals detracts from the sense of impending danger.
  • The arrival of Winston and Stantz, along with their confusion about the situation, adds to the chaotic nature of the scene but lacks a clear focus on the main conflict.
Suggestions
  • Consider restructuring the scene to create a more seamless transition from the explosion at the storage facility to Dana's reaction in her bedroom, ensuring a stronger connection between the two events.
  • Develop Louis's character arc further to make his interpretation of the explosion as a sign more believable and impactful. Show the others noticing his departure and reacting to his behavior.
  • Enhance the sense of urgency and tension as the iridescent cloud moves towards Dana's building, creating a more suspenseful atmosphere with clearer stakes.
  • Streamline the technical dialogue between Spengler and the authorities to maintain the pacing and focus on the imminent threat, avoiding unnecessary details that detract from the main conflict.
  • Provide Winston and Stantz with a clearer purpose or objective in the scene to ensure their presence contributes meaningfully to the unfolding events and central conflict.



Scene 33 -  Night of Terror
167 EXT. THE BOWERY 167

Louis walks briskly and purposefully uptown, gazing at the
symmetrical lights in the sky.

SUBWAY ENTRANCE
As Louis walks by, a huge crowd of
people descends the stairs into the
subway. The last of them
disappears around the corner. Then
echoing screams are heard and the
whole crowd comes charging back up
the stairs pursued by a strange
apparition.

168 INT. DANA'S APARTMENT 168

She is standing at the open bedroom window gazing down into
the streets below.

169 EXT. SEDGEWICK HOTEL -- SAME TIME 169

A Sabrett HOT DOG VENDOR is dispensing pretzels and hot dogs
from his pushcart.
97.

THE VENDOR
He opens the top of the bin and
reaches in to get a bun. He feels
around inside, knowing the cart
should be loaded with food. Then
he peers inside and yanks his arm
out with a shout. He falls back in
fear.

THE CART
The gluttonous Onion-Headed Vapor
rises out of the pushcart stuffed
with hot dogs, buns and pretzels.
It belches loudly at the gaping
spectators, then flits down the
street with the pushcart following
under its own power.

170 EXT. EXXON BUILDING -- SAME TIME 170

A well-dressed BUSINESSMAN comes rushing out and jumps into
a cab parked at the curb.

171 INT.. THE BACK SEAT 171

The Businessman leans close to the safety partition and
shouts his destination.

BUSINESSMAN
Gulf and Western Building! And I'm
in a hurry so let's not dawdle.

172 THE FRONT SEAT 172

Through the windshield we see that the driver is a badly
decomposed corpse in a leather jacket and snap-brim cap.

THE PASSENGER
Through the partition he sees a
skeletal hand reach out and start
the meter.

173 EXT. THE STREET 173

The cab peels away from the curb at tremendous speed and
turns the wrong way up a one-way street.

174 INT. AN OFFICE - SAME TIME 174

It's the accounts department of a major corporation. Young
men and women are working at typewriters and computer
terminals in the sterile, modern office.
98.

A PROGRAMMER
She bends over at the file cabinets
and something gooses her. She
looks around, miffed, but sees no
one. She goes back to her desk.
Her skirt hikes up suddenly. She
yanks it back down. Then she feels
a strange, not unpleasant tickling
under her. She squirms. Her skirt
goes up again. The tickling gets
unbearable, forcing her to stand.
She walks briskly between the rows
of desks, trying to get to the
ladies room, fighting to keep her
skirt down. Her co-workers begin
to notice and laugh.

A TYPIST
She stands up to look and her
blouse pops open.

THE OFFICE
All the women begin to scream and
squirm as the invisible molester
runs wild in the office.
Genres: ["Horror","Comedy","Fantasy"]

Summary As Louis walks past a subway entrance, he witnesses a crowd of people fleeing from a strange apparition. Throughout the city, terrifying events unfold: a hot dog vendor's cart is possessed by an onion-headed vapor creature, a businessman's cab driver is revealed to be a rotting corpse, and an invisible molester terrorizes women in an office. The scene is filled with conflict and chaos, with no resolution in sight as the invisible molester continues to run wild in the office.
Strengths
  • Effective blending of horror, comedy, and fantasy elements
  • Suspenseful and entertaining sequence
  • Intriguing concept of supernatural chaos in the city
Weaknesses
  • Minimal character development
  • Dialogue could be more engaging

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively blends horror, comedy, and fantasy elements to create a suspenseful and entertaining sequence.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of ghostly apparitions causing chaos in different locations is intriguing and well-executed.

Plot: 7

The plot advances with the introduction of supernatural events affecting various characters and locations.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces unique and fresh elements like the supernatural entities causing chaos in the city, adding an original twist to familiar urban settings.


Character Development

Characters: 7

The characters react realistically to the supernatural occurrences, adding depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 5

There is minimal character development in this scene, as the focus is more on the supernatural events.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene may be to navigate and survive the chaotic and supernatural events unfolding around them.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene may be to escape or find a way to deal with the supernatural entities causing chaos in the city.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict arises from the supernatural events causing chaos and fear among the characters.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with supernatural entities causing chaos and challenging the protagonist's understanding of reality.

High Stakes: 7

The high stakes are established through the escalating supernatural events and the chaos they cause in the city.

Story Forward: 8

The scene significantly moves the story forward by introducing new supernatural elements and escalating the chaos.

Unpredictability: 9

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected supernatural elements and chaos that unfold in the city.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene could be the clash between the normal, everyday world and the supernatural, challenging the protagonist's beliefs and understanding of reality.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The scene evokes fear, excitement, and curiosity in the audience.

Dialogue: 6

The dialogue is functional, serving to move the plot forward and convey information.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it blends supernatural horror with everyday city life, creating a sense of mystery and unease.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense as the supernatural events unfold in the city.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, effectively conveying the supernatural and chaotic elements.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format that effectively introduces and develops the supernatural elements in the city.


Critique
  • The transition from Louis walking uptown to the various supernatural events happening across the city feels disjointed and lacks a clear connection.
  • The scene lacks a cohesive focus on a central character or storyline, making it feel scattered and chaotic.
  • The introduction of multiple supernatural occurrences without a clear resolution or connection to the main plot adds confusion and detracts from the overall narrative.
  • The visual descriptions of the supernatural events, while intriguing, do not contribute to the advancement of the main storyline or character development.
  • The scene lacks a sense of urgency or tension, despite the escalating paranormal activities happening across the city.
Suggestions
  • Consider focusing on one specific supernatural event that directly impacts the main characters or plot, rather than introducing multiple unrelated occurrences.
  • Ensure that each supernatural event serves a purpose in advancing the main storyline or character arcs, providing a clear connection to the overall narrative.
  • Create a more seamless transition between Louis walking uptown and the supernatural events unfolding, establishing a stronger sense of cause and effect.
  • Integrate the supernatural occurrences into the main plot in a way that builds tension and drives the story forward, rather than feeling like isolated incidents.
  • Enhance the sense of urgency and stakes in the scene by emphasizing the impact of the paranormal activities on the main characters and their mission.



Scene 34 -  Unwelcome Encounter in the Dark
175 EXT. CENTRAL PARK -- SAME TIME 175

Louis enters a long dark pedestrian tunnel.

176 INSIDE THE TUNNEL 176

A gang of MUGGERS is smoking something in a weird pipelike
device. One of them sees the approaching silhouette of Louis
and hisses to his cohorts. The others all look and slowly
begin to fan out across the width of the tunnel.

LOUIS
He is staring straight ahead and
entirely focused on his destination
as the muggers approach and
confront him. He stops. They are
deliberately blocking his path.

MUGGER
(to Louis)
Okay ... give me.

Louis blinks stupidly.

LOUIS
Are you the Gatekeeper?
99.

MUGGER
Come on. You want me to stick you?
Come on.

VINZ
I am Vinz Clortho. I am the
Keymaster. Do you bar my way?

MUGGER #2
Are you crazy, man? You don't
give, Jino's gonna rip you, man.
Nobody gets by Jino.

LOUIS
(repeats)
Do you bar my way?

MUGGER
Yeah. We bar your way.

LOUIS
His eyes widen, he inhales deeply,
then opens his mouth and roars.
Irridescent lights pour out of his
mouth.

THE MUGGERS
They scream and run, horrified and
disgusted by Louis' unearthly
display.

177 EXT. STREET 177

The cab driven by the corpse weaves through traffic at
breakneck speed. Cars are forced up on the curb. Pedestrians
run for safety.

178 INT. THE BACK SEAT 178

The Businessman is reading the Wall Street Journal,
oblivious to the whole situation.

179 EXT. ST. MARKS PLAYHOUSE -- DAY 179

A worn, graffiti-spattered $1.99 triple bill movie house in
the New Wave district near Second Avenue. The bill reads:

180 ALL NIGHT ALL DAY HORROR SHOW IN 3-D 180

181 INT. THEATER 181

The house is packed with hooting, jeering, beer-drinking
potsmoking downtowners, all wearing cardboard 3-D glasses.
100.

They are wildly razzing and throwing things at the screen on
which is running a bad sixties British horror indie pic.
The film breaks. The sound crackles off and the lights come
on. There is a storm of protest and abuse hurled at the
projectionist. Then from all around them there starts a
thin whistling whine. It builds above the shouts and jeers
in the theater until everyone stops to hear what it is. It
is like no other sound ever heard -- a piercing, all-
permeating shrill whistle like the fan blades of some
massive unseen turbine beginning to rotate.

The lights in the theater flicker. The musty ancient
curtains on either side of the screen are picked up in an
unseen wind which lifts them, spreading dust and ripped old
fabric about the house. There are shouts and sounds and
noises from deep beyond the recesses of the backstage. The
curtains are now flying in a serious wind. All the lights
in the theater go out except that from the projection booth.
From a point in the center of the screen, a searing bolt of
phosphorescent light rips back along the projection beam
into the booth. The beam evolves into an etheric strand of
unified glistening particles. The wind dies down. People
in the house are hushed. They gaze transfixed as a
procession of phantasms emerge in single file through the
illuminated screen. As if suspended on a clothesline, they
weave and bounce along the length of the pulsating beam, and
pass through the hole in the projection booth. The
apparition is gone. All is quiet. Then the audience bursts
into wildly enthusiastic applause.
Genres: ["Horror","Fantasy","Comedy"]

Summary In the depths of Central Park's eerie underpass, Louis confronts a group of muggers. Their sinister intentions are met with an unexpected response as Louis transforms into a formidable being, emitting iridescent lights from his mouth. Overwhelmed by terror, the muggers flee, leaving Louis to continue his solitary journey through the darkness.
Strengths
  • Effective blending of genres
  • Engaging plot advancement
  • High level of conflict and suspense
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue could be more impactful
  • Character changes could be further developed

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene effectively blends different genres and tones, keeping the audience engaged and intrigued. The introduction of high stakes and the escalation of conflict contribute to the overall impact of the scene.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of supernatural entities possessing characters and causing chaos in the city is well-executed. The scene effectively introduces key elements of the plot and sets the stage for further developments.

Plot: 9

The plot advances significantly in this scene, with the introduction of key characters, the escalation of conflict, and the unfolding of supernatural events. The scene sets the stage for major developments in the story.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a unique blend of supernatural elements, humor, and tension in a dark urban setting. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and contribute to the overall originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are engaging and well-defined, each with their own unique traits and motivations. The scene effectively showcases their reactions to the escalating chaos and sets up potential character arcs.

Character Changes: 7

Some characters experience significant changes in this scene, particularly Louis Tully who is possessed by Vinz Clortho. The transformation of characters adds depth to the storyline and sets up potential character arcs.

Internal Goal: 8

Louis' internal goal in this scene is to assert his newfound identity as Vinz Clortho, the Keymaster, and confront the muggers with confidence and power.

External Goal: 7

Louis' external goal is to navigate through the tunnel and reach his destination despite the obstacles presented by the muggers.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The level of conflict is high in this scene, with supernatural entities causing chaos and characters facing life-threatening situations. The escalating conflict adds tension and suspense to the storyline.

Opposition: 8

The muggers' opposition and the uncertainty of how Louis will handle the situation create a strong sense of conflict and suspense in the scene.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in this scene, with supernatural entities causing chaos in the city and characters facing life-threatening situations. The escalating danger and uncertainty raise the stakes and create a sense of urgency.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward significantly, introducing key plot points, escalating conflict, and setting up major developments. The unfolding events create a sense of urgency and anticipation for the audience.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected supernatural display by Louis and the muggers' reactions, adding a layer of mystery and suspense.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the idea of identity and power. Louis must confront the muggers and assert his new identity as Vinz Clortho, challenging their perception of him as a vulnerable target.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes fear, confusion, and excitement in the audience, creating an emotional connection to the characters and their struggles. The high stakes and intense moments contribute to the emotional impact of the scene.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is engaging and serves to move the plot forward, with characters expressing fear, confusion, and determination. Some lines could be more impactful to enhance the emotional depth of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its blend of suspense, humor, and supernatural elements that keep the audience intrigued and invested in Louis' journey.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, leading to a climactic moment with Louis' display of power.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene is formatted in a clear and concise manner, following industry standards for screenplay formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with a buildup of tension, confrontation, and resolution. The pacing and formatting align with the genre expectations.


Critique
  • The scene transitions abruptly from Louis encountering muggers in a dark tunnel to a cab driver weaving through traffic, which may confuse the audience and disrupt the flow of the narrative.
  • The dialogue between Louis and the muggers feels forced and lacks depth, making the interaction less impactful and believable.
  • The sudden transformation of Louis into an unearthly being with iridescent lights pouring out of his mouth is a dramatic shift in tone and may come across as jarring to the audience.
  • The subsequent scenes involving the cab driver and the movie theater lack a clear connection to Louis' encounter in the tunnel, leading to a disjointed narrative structure.
  • The introduction of the phantasms emerging through the projection beam in the theater feels disconnected from the initial focus on Louis and the muggers, creating a sense of confusion and inconsistency.
Suggestions
  • Consider refining the transition between scenes to create a smoother narrative flow and maintain audience engagement.
  • Enhance the dialogue between Louis and the muggers to add depth to their interaction and make the confrontation more compelling.
  • Provide more context or foreshadowing for Louis' transformation to ensure that the supernatural elements feel integrated into the story rather than appearing out of nowhere.
  • Establish clearer connections between the different subplots introduced in the scene to maintain coherence and coherence in the overall storyline.
  • Reevaluate the introduction of the phantasms in the theater to ensure that it aligns thematically with the preceding events and contributes to the narrative progression.



Scene 35 -  Preparing for Gozer's Arrival
182 INT. NYPD LOCK-UP 182

Winston is staring out through the bars talking to himself.

WINSTON
(depressed)
We're gonna get five years for
this. Plus they're gonna make us
retrap all those spooks. I knew I
shouldn't have taken this job.

He bangs on the bars and crosses to Venkman, Stantz and
Spengler who are huddled together looking at blueprints of
Dana's building.

STANTZ
(intense)
Look at the structure of the roof
cap. It looks exactly like the
kind of telemetry tracker NASA uses
to identify dead pulsars in other
galaxies.
101.

SPENGLER
And look at this, Peter
(indicates another
diagram)
Cold-riveted girders with selenium
cores.

Venkman leans in to look but suddenly notices that they have
an audience.

THE CELL
The Ghostbusters are surrounded by
a motley assortment of BUMS, PUNKS,
HOODS and a particularly mean-
looking gang of BIKERS, all
listening intently to their
discussion.

VENKMAN
(to their cellmates)
Everybody with us so far?

The other prisoners mutter and scratch their heads, then
drift off.

STANTZ
(back to his point)
The ironwork extends down through
fifty feet of bedrock and touches
the water table!

He looks at Venkman who doesn't see the significance.

VENKMAN
(shrugs)
I guess they don't build them like
they used to, huh?

STANTZ
No! Nobody ever built them like
this! The architect was either an
authentic whacko or a certified
genius. The whole building is like
a huge antenna for pulling in and
concentrating psychokinetic energy.

VENKMAN
Who was the architect?

STANTZ
He's listed on the blueprints as I.
Shandor.
102.

SPENGLER
(exclaims)
Of course!
(the others turn and look
at him)
Ivo Shandor, I saw his name in
Tobin's SPIRIT GUIDE. He started a
secret society in 1920.

VENKMAN
(putting it all together)
Let me guess -- Gozer Worshippers.

SPENGLER
Yes. After the First World War
Shandor decided that society was
too sick to survive. And he wasn't
alone. He had close to a thousand
followers when he died. They
conducted rituals, bizarre rituals,
intended to bring about the end of
the world.

VENKMAN
(now very worried about
Dana)
She said he was "the Destructor."

SPENGLER
Who?

VENKMAN
Gozer.

SPENGLER
(confused)
You talked to Gozer?

VENKMAN
Get a grip on yourself, Egon. I
talked to Dana Barrett and she
referred to Gozer as the
Destructor.

STANTZ
(proud)
See? I told you something big was
about to happen.

Winston has heard enough.
103.

WINSTON
This is insane! You actually
believe that some moldy Babylonian
God is going to drop in at 78th and
Central Park West and start tearing
up the city?

SPENGLER
(corrects him)
Sumarian -- not Babylonian,

Winston just shakes his head. Then a uniformed GUARD appears
with a high-ranking POLICE OFFICIAL and unlocks the cell
door.

POLICE OFFICIAL
Are you the Ghostbusters?

VENKMAN
What about it?

POLICE OFFICIAL
The mayor wants to see you --
right away. The whole island is
going crazy. Let's go.

They exit.
Genres: ["Horror","Comedy","Fantasy"]

Summary Winston expresses skepticism as the Ghostbusters discover the building's connection to Gozer and Ivo Shandor. A police official arrives to summon them amid the city's descending chaos.
Strengths
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Intriguing plot development
  • Blend of genres
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development in this specific scene

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively blends different genres, introduces intriguing plot elements, and maintains a high level of suspense and humor.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of a secret society worshipping an ancient deity and the discovery of a mysterious architect adds depth and intrigue to the story.

Plot: 8

The plot advances significantly with the revelation of the architect and the secret society, setting the stage for a major conflict.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on supernatural themes by blending humor and suspense. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and add depth to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 7

The characters continue to develop, with Winston expressing skepticism and the others delving deeper into the supernatural mystery.

Character Changes: 6

While there is not a significant character change in this scene, the dynamics between the characters continue to evolve.

Internal Goal: 8

Winston's internal goal in this scene is to express his disbelief and frustration at the situation they are in. This reflects his deeper fear of the consequences of their actions and his desire to make sense of the supernatural events happening around them.

External Goal: 9

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to understand the significance of the building's structure and its connection to the supernatural events they are investigating. This reflects the immediate challenge they are facing in unraveling the mystery.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict escalates with the discovery of the secret society and the impending arrival of the ancient deity.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Winston's skepticism providing a counterpoint to the other Ghostbusters' beliefs. This creates conflict and tension, adding depth to the scene.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high as the characters uncover the existence of a secret society and the impending arrival of an ancient deity.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward significantly by revealing crucial information about the plot and setting up the next major conflict.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in the supernatural elements and the characters' reactions to the unfolding events. The audience is kept on their toes, unsure of what will happen next.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between Winston's skepticism and the other Ghostbusters' belief in the supernatural. This challenges Winston's worldview and beliefs, as he struggles to accept the reality of the situation.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a mix of emotions, from anxiety to amusement, keeping the audience engaged.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is witty, engaging, and reveals important information about the plot and characters.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its fast-paced action, witty dialogue, and supernatural elements. The tension and humor keep the audience invested in the characters and the unfolding mystery.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a balance of dialogue, action, and suspense. The rhythm of the scene keeps the audience engaged and builds tension effectively.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character dialogue. The formatting enhances the readability and flow of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness.


Critique
  • The scene starts with Winston expressing his concerns and doubts about their situation, which adds depth to his character. However, the transition to discussing the blueprints of Dana's building feels a bit abrupt and could be smoother.
  • The dialogue between the Ghostbusters is informative and helps to build the mystery and tension surrounding the architect Ivo Shandor and the potential connection to Gozer. However, some of the technical details about the building's structure may be difficult for the audience to follow and could be simplified for clarity.
  • The introduction of the audience of bums, punks, hoods, and bikers listening to the Ghostbusters' discussion adds an interesting dynamic to the scene. It creates a sense of intrigue and curiosity among the onlookers, which could be further explored to enhance the scene.
  • Winston's skepticism and disbelief in the supernatural elements of the discussion provide a contrasting perspective to the other Ghostbusters, which adds depth to the group dynamics. This conflict of beliefs could be further developed to create more tension and drama in the scene.
  • The revelation about Ivo Shandor and the Gozer Worshippers sets up a compelling backstory and adds a layer of complexity to the plot. However, the transition from this revelation to the police official arriving feels a bit rushed and could be smoother to maintain the pacing of the scene.
Suggestions
  • Consider refining the transition between Winston's initial doubts and the discussion about the blueprints to ensure a smoother flow of the scene.
  • Simplify the technical details about the building's structure to make it more accessible to the audience while still conveying the necessary information.
  • Explore the reactions and interactions of the audience of onlookers further to add depth and intrigue to the scene.
  • Develop the conflict between Winston's skepticism and the other Ghostbusters' beliefs to create more tension and drama in the scene.
  • Refine the transition from the revelation about Ivo Shandor to the arrival of the police official to maintain the pacing and coherence of the scene.



Scene 36 -  Confrontation at City Hall
183 EXT. CITY HALL 183

The official cars arrive and the Ghostbusters are hustled
past a mob of reporters, all shouting questions at once.

REPORTERS
(as babble)
Are you under arrest? Did you have
a bomb factory in the basement?
What are you going to do about all
these ghosts?

184 INT. MAYOR'S OFFICE 184

Secretaries and aides scurry about in a chaos of telephones
and waiting city officials. As the Ghostbusters are led
through the outer offices, everyone stops what they're doing
to stare at them.

185 INT. OFFICE OF THE MAYOR OF NEW YORK CITY 185

The Ghostbusters enter and see a very concerned group of
leaders arguing like crazy.
104.

The Police and Fire Commissioners, State and City Police
Commandants, the Archbishop of the New York Diocese, the
Regional Director of the Environmental Protection Agency,
the Governor of the State of New York, and various other
high-ranking officials.

THE AIDE
(entering with the
Ghostbusters)
The Ghostbusters are here, Mr.
Mayor.

At once, the group turns and instantly regains perfect
decorum.

THE MAYOR
He is a likeable Democrat and a man
of the people -- particularly the
Irish, Italian and Jewish people.

MAYOR
(looking them over)
Okay, the Ghostbusters. And who's
Peck?

Peck shoulders his way forward.

PECK
(adrenalin pumping)
I'm Walter Peck, sir. And I'm
prepared to make a full report.
(holds up dossier)
These men are complete snowball
artists. They use nerve and sense
gases to induce hallucinations.
The people think they're seeing
ghosts and call these bozos, who
conveniently show up to get rid of
the problem with a fake electronic
light show.

MAYOR
(to Venkman)
You using nerve gas?

VENKMAN
The man is a psychopath, Your
Honor.

PECK
Probably a mixture of gases, no
doubt stolen from the Army ...
105.

STANTZ
Bullshit!!!

PECK
... improperly stored and touched
off with those high-voltage laser
beams they use in their light show.
They caused an explosion.

The Mayor looks for help from the assembled leaders,

FIRE COMMISSIONER
All I know is, that wasn't a light
show we saw this morning. I've
seen every form of combustion known
to man, but this beats me.

POLICE COMMISSIONER
And nobody's using nerve gas on all
the people that have seen those ...
things ... all over the city. The
walls were bleeding at the 53rd
Precinct. How do you explain that?

He looks to the Archbishop. Everybody focuses on the
ornately attired Prelate.

ARCHBISHOP
Officially, the Church will not
take a position on the religious
implications of these ...
phenomena. However, since they
started, people have been lining up
at every church in the city to
confess and take communion. We've
had to put on extra priests.
Personally, I think it's a sign
from God but don't quote me on
that.

MAYOR
(shaking his head)
I can't call a press conference and
tell everyone to start praying.

WINSTON
He steps forward.

WINSTON (CONT’D)
I'm Winston Zeddemore, Your Honor.
I've only been with the company for
a couple of weeks, but I gotta tell
you -- these things are real.
(MORE)
106.
WINSTON (CONT’D)
Since I joined these men I have
seen shit that would turn you
white.

THE MAYOR
He rubs his eyes wearily.

MAYOR
(to Venkman)
So what do I do now?

VENKMAN
He seizes the moment.

VENKMAN (CONT’D)
Mr. Mayor, it's a pretty simple
choice. You can believe Mr. Pecker
here ...

PECK
(snaps)
That's "Peck!"

VENKMAN
(ignores him)
... or you can accept the fact that
this city is heading for a disaster
of really Biblical proportions.

MAYOR
What do you mean "Biblical?"

VENKMAN
Old Testament, Mr. Mayor. "Wrath
of God"-type stuff. The seas could
boil, fire and brimstone falling
from the sky ...

STANTZ
(chimes in)
... forty years of darkness,
earthquakes, mass hysteria, human
sacrifice ...

MAYOR
Enough! I get the point.
(really torn)
But what if you're wrong?

VENKMAN
If I'm wrong then nothing happens
and you toss us in the can. But if
I'm right, and if we can stop this
thing ...
(MORE)
107.
VENKMAN (CONT'D)
well, let's just say that you could
save the lives of a lot of
registered voters.

The Mayor starts nodding affirmatively, clearly convinced by
Venkman's rational assessment.

PECK
(furious)
I don't believe you're seriously
considering listening to these men!

The Mayor takes a long look at Peck.

MAYOR
Get him out of here.
(Peck looks stricken)
We've got work to do. What do you
need from me?
Genres: ["Comedy","Fantasy","Action"]

Summary The Ghostbusters face accusations of causing a city-wide disaster at a tense meeting with high-ranking officials. Despite Peck's accusations, the Mayor ultimately trusts the Ghostbusters to handle the supernatural crisis.
Strengths
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Intense conflict
  • Plot advancement
Weaknesses
  • Limited emotional impact
  • Some cliched elements

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively combines humor, action, and supernatural elements while advancing the plot and raising the stakes.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a showdown between the Ghostbusters and city officials in City Hall is engaging and well-executed.

Plot: 8

The plot advances significantly as the Ghostbusters confront the mayor and other officials, leading to a crucial decision.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the supernatural genre by combining elements of comedy and drama. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging, adding to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 7

The characters are well-defined and their personalities shine through in their interactions with the city officials.

Character Changes: 7

The characters, especially the Ghostbusters, show determination and conviction in their beliefs, leading to some growth.

Internal Goal: 9

The protagonist's internal goal is to convince the Mayor and other officials of the seriousness of the situation and the need for their help in stopping the supernatural threat. This reflects their desire to be taken seriously and to save the city from disaster.

External Goal: 8

The protagonist's external goal is to gain the support and resources of the Mayor and other officials to combat the supernatural threat. This reflects the immediate challenge they are facing in convincing skeptical authorities to take action.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between the Ghostbusters and the skeptical officials is intense and drives the scene forward.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Walter Peck representing a significant obstacle to the protagonist's goals. His skepticism and disbelief create conflict and tension, adding depth to the scene.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high as the fate of the city and the Ghostbusters' credibility hang in the balance.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by presenting a crucial decision point for the Ghostbusters.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting dynamics between the characters and the unexpected twists in the dialogue. The audience is kept on their toes, unsure of how the conflict will be resolved.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between skepticism and belief in the supernatural. Walter Peck represents skepticism and disbelief in the Ghostbusters' abilities, while the Ghostbusters themselves believe in the reality of the supernatural threat.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

While there is some emotional impact in the scene, the focus is more on the tension and conflict.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is witty, engaging, and drives the conflict forward effectively.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its fast-paced dialogue, high stakes, and dramatic conflict. The tension between the characters keeps the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and suspense as the characters debate the reality of the supernatural threat. The rhythm of the dialogue keeps the audience engaged and invested in the outcome.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions. The dialogue is well-written and adds to the overall impact of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness in building tension and drama.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear focus and direction, with too many characters and subplots introduced at once.
  • The dialogue feels forced and lacks authenticity, especially in the interactions between the Mayor, Ghostbusters, and Peck.
  • The conflict between the Ghostbusters and Peck is not effectively built up or resolved, leading to a lack of tension and payoff.
  • The scene feels rushed and cluttered, with too much exposition and information being thrown at the audience without proper development.
  • The tone of the scene shifts abruptly from serious to comedic, making it difficult for the audience to fully engage with the stakes of the situation.
Suggestions
  • Streamline the scene by focusing on the core conflict between the Ghostbusters and Peck, while also highlighting the impending disaster facing the city.
  • Develop the dialogue to be more natural and reflective of the characters' personalities and motivations.
  • Build up the tension and stakes gradually throughout the scene, leading to a climactic moment where the Mayor must make a decision based on the Ghostbusters' warnings.
  • Consider pacing and structure to allow for moments of tension, humor, and character development to shine through effectively.
  • Ensure that the scene serves a clear purpose in advancing the overall plot and character arcs, while also engaging the audience with the unfolding events.



Scene 37 -  Explosive Encounter and Preparations Amidst Earthquake
186 EXT. DANA'S APARTMENT BUILDING - SAME TIME 186

Louis arrives in front of the building and looks up, Strange
lights are beginning to flash from the windows, He enters
the building and a moment later a huge tremor shakes the
structure.

187 INT. DANA'S FLOOR 187

The elevator doors open and Louis gets out. A crowd of
tenants rushes onto the elevator clutching their most prized
possessions. He gets through the panicked tenants and walks
down the hall.

MRS. BLUM, a neighbor, comes out of her apartment carrying
an armload of small appliances.

MRS. BLUM
Louis! What are you doing standing
there ... get out of the building
... don't you know it's an
earthquake or something?

LOUIS
The Traveller is coming.

MRS. BLUM
Don't be crazy. Nobody is going to
come and visit you with all this
commotion going on.

She rushes off leaving Louis alone in the hall. He goes to
Dana's door and mechanically knocks three times. His
knocking echoes thunderously throughout the building.
108.

THE DOOR
It opens and Louis sees Dana
standing there. A tremendous
thunderclap rattles the building.

LOUIS
(his eyes light up)
Are you the Gatekeeper?

DANA
(nods)
I am Zuul.

Hearing that, Louis grabs Dana with a passion that's been
building in his unconscious for 8000 years. He kisses her
with savage lust and pulls her to the floor out of frame as
an explosive force blows through the apartment.

188 INT. CITY HALL CORRIDOR 188

Venkman, Stantz and the Mayor walk briskly toward the
vehicle dock at the back of the building. Aides scurry
along behind them, awaiting instructions.

MAYOR
I don't understand it, Why here?
Why now?

VENKMAN
What goes around, comes around, Mr.
Mayor. The big Lazy Susan of Karma
just keeps turning and sometimes we
get the short end of the stick.

STANTZ
This may be Nature's way of telling
us to slow down. You have to admit
it's kind of humbling, isn't it?

MAYOR
(shouts after them)
We're humble already! Hasn't this
city suffered enough?

They come out onto the loading dock.

189 EXT. LOADING DOCK 189

The Ectomobile is parked there. Winston and Spengler are
charging all the packs off the building current. There's a
lot of police activity around them as orders are dispatched.

A POLICE CAPTAIN reports to Venkman.
109.

CAPTAIN
We've cleared the whole building
and cordonned off the street. I'm
massing our own special tactics
squad and the National Guard is on
standby.

AIDE
I better alert the Red Cross, too.

SPENGLER
He looks up and sees Janine
standing on the dock. She crosses
to him.

JANINE
(a little teary)
I want you to have this.
(she hands him a coin)

SPENGLER
What is it?

JANINE
It's a souvenir from the 1964
World's Fair at Flushing Meadow.
It's my lucky coin.

SPENGLER
I don't believe in luck.

JANINE
Keep it anyway. I have another one
at home.

SPENGLER
Thank you.

They hug.

THE ECTOMOBILE
Stantz, Venkman and Winston get in.
Spengler rushes over and joins
them.
Genres: ["Horror","Fantasy","Comedy"]

Summary As an earthquake rocks the city, Louis arrives at Dana's apartment and ignores warnings to leave. He confronts Dana, leading to a passionate encounter. Meanwhile, Venkman, Stantz, and the Mayor prepare for action, discussing the unusual events. They meet up with their team to charge their equipment and depart in the Ectomobile.
Strengths
  • Complex plot
  • High stakes
  • Emotional impact
  • Engaging characters
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue could be more impactful

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is intense, engaging, and sets up a major turning point in the story with high stakes and emotional impact.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of ancient deities, possession, and the impending arrival of Gozer is intriguing and well-executed.

Plot: 9

The plot is complex, with multiple storylines converging and escalating towards a climactic moment.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on supernatural elements and human emotions, blending humor and tension in a unique way. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-developed and their actions drive the plot forward, especially Louis and Dana/Zuul.

Character Changes: 8

Both Dana and Louis undergo significant changes, with Dana being possessed by Zuul and Louis transforming into an unearthly being.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to reunite with Dana, the Gatekeeper, and fulfill his unconscious passion that has been building for 8000 years.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to confront the impending supernatural threat and potentially save the city from disaster.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

There is a high level of conflict with the impending arrival of Gozer, the possession of Dana and Louis, and the chaos in the city.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the impending supernatural threat and the conflicting beliefs of the characters creating tension and uncertainty. The audience is kept on edge.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high with the impending arrival of Gozer, the possession of key characters, and the chaos in the city.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by revealing key information, escalating the conflict, and setting up the climax.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the sudden supernatural events and the unexpected passion between the characters. The audience is left wondering how the situation will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between the supernatural forces at play and the human characters' understanding of the situation. It challenges the protagonist's beliefs about fate, destiny, and the existence of ancient powers.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes fear, excitement, and anticipation, drawing the audience into the story.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is effective in conveying information and building tension, but could be more impactful in certain moments.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its blend of supernatural elements, emotional depth, and sharp dialogue. The impending danger and passion between the characters keep the audience hooked.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and suspense, leading to a climactic moment between the characters. The rhythm of the dialogue and action keeps the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and concise, following the expected format for its genre. The scene directions are well-written and engaging.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, building tension and conflict effectively. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the scene's effectiveness.


Critique
  • The transition from the chaotic events happening across the city to Louis arriving at Dana's apartment building feels abrupt and disconnected. There is a lack of smooth transition or build-up to Louis' arrival.
  • The dialogue between Louis and Mrs. Blum lacks depth and believability. The interaction feels forced and the dialogue could be more engaging to enhance the tension of the scene.
  • Louis' sudden realization that 'The Traveller is coming' lacks proper setup or explanation, leaving the audience confused about the significance of this statement.
  • The passionate kiss between Louis and Dana, followed by an explosive force blowing through the apartment, feels rushed and lacks emotional impact. The scene could benefit from more build-up and tension leading to this moment.
  • The Mayor's dialogue with Venkman and Stantz at City Hall lacks depth and complexity. The conversation feels superficial and could be more engaging to add layers to the characters' interactions.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a smoother transition to Louis' arrival at Dana's apartment building, perhaps by showing more of the chaos happening in the city and how it leads to Louis' decision to go to Dana.
  • Enhance the dialogue between Louis and Mrs. Blum to make it more engaging and realistic, adding depth to their interaction.
  • Provide more context or foreshadowing for Louis' realization about 'The Traveller is coming' to make it more impactful and understandable for the audience.
  • Build up the tension and emotional intensity leading to the passionate kiss between Louis and Dana, as well as the explosive force that follows, to create a more impactful and memorable moment.
  • Add depth and complexity to the dialogue between the Mayor, Venkman, and Stantz at City Hall to make the conversation more engaging and reflective of the high-stakes situation.



Scene 38 -  Arrival at Dana's Apartment Building
190 INT. ECTOMOBILE 190

Venkman turns around and looks at his friends.

VENKMAN
Okay. Just remember, whatever
happens out there, we are total
professionals.
(MORE)
110.
VENKMAN (CONT'D)
Not only are we the best
Ghostbusters around, we're the only
Ghostbusters around. It's up to
us.

They all shake hands. Then Venkman sticks his hand out the
window and signals like a cavalry officer.

VENKMAN (CONT'D)
(shouts)
Move 'em out!

191 EXT. REAR OF CITY HALL 191

A pair of police motorcycles comes roaring up the driveway
followed by the Ectomobile and two police cruisers. The
motorcade turns up the street and heads uptown at high
speed. They pass a column of National Guard trucks.

192 EXT. DANA'S APARTMENT BUILDING 192

The street has been blocked off with police barricades but a
huge crowd has gathered nonetheless to watch the strange
lights and flashes emanating from the upper floors of the
building.

THE CROWD
The news media are out in front
filming and taping everything. A
contingent of Doomsday freaks is
gathered with signs proclaiming
"REPENT FOR THE END IS AT HAND!" A
few Catholic priests are kneeling,
performing rites of exorcism.

THE CROWD (CONT’D)
A gang of punks is hanging around
hoping for a disaster. A handful
of Hassidic Jews behind them are
wailing in earnest. The police
work to restrain the crowd.

THE STREET
The screaming of sirens turns the
attention of the crowd as the
motorcade arrives. As the
Ectomobile rounds the corner a huge
cheer goes up from the crowd.

THE CROWD
The punks cheer. The Hassidic Jews
wave their black hats and start
dancing for joy.
111.

THE ECTOMOBILE
It pulls up in front of the
building. The doors fly open and
the Ghostbusters all jump out at
once. The crowd roars.

THE PRIESTS
They leap to their feet and give
each other "high fives."

VENKMAN
He raises both fists like a
victorious boxer.

VENKMAN (CONT’D)
(shouts to the crowd)
Ghostbusters!

The crowd thunders its approval.

THE GHOSTBUSTERS
They quickly finish suiting up at
the rear of the Ectomobile.

VENKMAN
(keyed up)
Are we all together on this now?

WINSTON
(in earnest)
I think we should get on a plane
right now and go to Australia or
Indonesia until this blows over.

VENKMAN
I'm going to make a note of your
suggestion and possibly bring it up
later if this thing really gets out
of hand. Now let's move.

They start heading for the lobby entrance to the building,

VOICE IN CROWD (MAN)
Get 'em!

VOICE IN CROWD (GIRL) (CONT’D)
All right, Ghostbusters!

The crowd applauds as the Ghostbusters approach the
entrance.

THE GHOSTBUSTERS
They stop in front of the building
and look up at the roof.
112.

THEIR POV
A blinding flash of light shoots
from the rooftop temple.

193 THE BUILDING ENTRANCE 193

The whole building seems to groan as if under enormous
pressure. Then suddenly the concrete facade cracks open and
the pavement in front of the building collapses dropping the
Ghostbusters and a police car into the enormous sinkhole.
The crowd gasps.

THE SINKHOLE
There is a tense moment of silence,
then the Ghostbusters pop up and
climb out of the pit.

VENKMAN
I've heard of underground parking
but this is ridiculous.

They flash the "okay" sign to the crowd and enter the
building.
Genres: ["Horror","Comedy","Action"]

Summary The Ghostbusters arrive at Dana's apartment building amidst a large crowd of spectators. After considering Winston's suggestion to flee, they enter the building after the pavement collapses beneath them.
Strengths
  • Engaging plot
  • Dynamic conflict
  • Humorous dialogue
  • Tense atmosphere
Weaknesses
  • Lack of significant character development
  • Some elements may be too chaotic for some viewers

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is highly engaging, combining tension, excitement, and humor effectively. It sets up a chaotic and climactic moment in the story.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the Ghostbusters facing a city-wide disaster they inadvertently caused is intriguing and adds depth to the plot.

Plot: 8

The plot is fast-paced, filled with action and unexpected events, keeping the audience on the edge of their seats.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a diverse range of characters and beliefs, blending supernatural elements with urban chaos in a fresh and entertaining way. The dialogue and actions feel authentic and contribute to the overall tone of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 7

The characters are well-defined and their reactions to the escalating events add to the tension and humor of the scene.

Character Changes: 6

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the characters' reactions and decisions contribute to their development throughout the story.

Internal Goal: 8

Venkman's internal goal in this scene is to maintain a sense of professionalism and confidence in the face of escalating supernatural events. This reflects his need to prove himself as a capable leader and protector.

External Goal: 9

The protagonist's external goal is to investigate and confront the supernatural activity at Dana's apartment building. This goal reflects the immediate challenge they are facing and the need to protect the city from potential danger.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict is high as the Ghostbusters are faced with a city in chaos and must navigate through various challenges to save the day.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the Ghostbusters facing supernatural challenges and skeptical beliefs that create obstacles and uncertainty in their mission.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high as the Ghostbusters must save the city from supernatural chaos and face the consequences of their actions.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by escalating the conflict and setting up the climax of the narrative.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it introduces unexpected supernatural events and challenges that keep the audience on edge and unsure of what will happen next.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between the belief in the supernatural and the skepticism of the Ghostbusters. This challenges Venkman's worldview as he navigates the line between science and the unexplained.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a range of emotions from fear to excitement to hope, keeping the audience emotionally engaged.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is witty and adds to the humor and character dynamics in the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it combines humor, action, and suspense to create a dynamic and entertaining moment that keeps the audience invested in the story.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a balance of action and dialogue that maintains tension and keeps the story moving forward at a brisk pace.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear descriptions and dialogue that enhance the visual and emotional impact of the events.

Structure: 9

The scene follows a clear and engaging structure, building tension and excitement as the Ghostbusters prepare to confront the supernatural activity at Dana's apartment building.


Critique
  • The scene starts with Venkman emphasizing their professionalism and uniqueness as Ghostbusters, which sets a confident tone for the upcoming events.
  • The arrival of the Ghostbusters at Dana's apartment building is well-described, with a diverse crowd reacting to their presence in different ways, adding depth to the scene.
  • The visual imagery of the building groaning and collapsing, creating a sinkhole that swallows the Ghostbusters and a police car, is dramatic and adds tension to the scene.
  • The humor injected by Venkman's quip about underground parking lightens the mood after the intense moment of the building collapse.
  • The scene ends with the Ghostbusters climbing out of the sinkhole and entering the building, leaving the reader intrigued about what will happen next.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more internal thoughts or reactions from the Ghostbusters during the chaotic events to provide insight into their characters and emotions.
  • Explore the aftermath of the sinkhole incident in more detail to show how the Ghostbusters and the crowd react to the unexpected turn of events.
  • Enhance the dialogue between the Ghostbusters as they enter the building to build anticipation for the upcoming confrontation with Gozer.
  • Include a brief reflection or reaction from the crowd after witnessing the sinkhole incident to capture the impact of the supernatural events on bystanders.
  • Consider incorporating a sense of urgency or heightened stakes as the Ghostbusters prepare to confront Gozer, to increase the tension and suspense in the scene.



Scene 39 -  Confrontation with Gozer
194 EXT. THE ROOFTOP -- SAME TIME 194

Dana and Louis emerge from the stairwell, approach the
Temple and mount the pedestals once occupied by the Terror
Dogs.

THE TEMPLE
The walls begin to vibrate in
response.

195 EXT. THE STREET BELOW 195

Blinding beams of light flash from all the windows.

196 INT. STAIRWELL 196

The Ghostbusters trudge up thirty-five flights of stairs.

197 INT. THIRTY-FIFTH FLOOR HALLWAY 197

The stairwell door opens and the Ghostbusters stagger into
the hallway, completely exhausted.

VENKMAN
(gasping and spitting)
I'm glad we took the stairs.
113.

198 INT. DANA'S DOOR 198

The Ghostbusters arrive. The door frame is charred and
blackened by soot. Venkman rings the doorbell. DING-DONG.

VENKMAN
Dana?

WINSTON
Maybe we should go downstairs and
call first?

Venkman knocks on the door and the door simply falls off its
hinges and crashes to the floor. The Ghostbusters gape at
the damage to the apartment.

199 INT. DANA'S APARTMENT 199

The exterior building wall is completely gone providing an
unobstructed view of the Hudson and New Jersey. All the
furniture is overturned and the other walls are cracked. A
powerful wind blows through the apartment fluttering the
shredded curtains.

WINSTON
(ready to leave)
Well, she's not here. Let's go.

VENKMAN
No! The kitchen!

200 INT. THE KITCHEN 200

The team enters and sees that the refrigerator has been
blown away revealing a hole in the wall and the entrance to
a stone staircase behind it.

VENKMAN
He looks at the forbidding portal
and turns to Stantz.

VENKMAN (CONT’D)
(slaps his shoulder)
Go!

Stantz realizes that Venkman expects him to go first. He
leads the charge up the stairs.

201 EXT. THE ROOF 201

Dana and Louis stare at the Temple, then begin a miraculous
and horrible transformation into the hideous forms of the
Terror Dogs.
114.

THE TEMPLE
The solid stone walls rumble
ominously and start to separate.

THE GHOSTBUSTERS
They come running out onto the roof
and gape at the scene.

THE TEMPLE
The walls open completely revealing
the secret architecture of the
Temple: A stone staircase leading
to a set of monumental doors, and
beyond them a massive pyramid that
appears to be suspended in mid-air
with no visible means of support.

202 LOUIS AND DANA 202

They complete their transformation into the Terror Dogs,
which now turn and snarl menacingly at the Ghostbusters.

THE GHOSTBUSTERS
They can't believe their eyes.

VENKMAN
(aghast)
Shit! I've been out with some real
dogs, but this is ridiculous!

The heavy rumbling of moving stone draws their attention
back to the temple.

THE TEMPLE
The Terror Dogs have now taken
ritual positions on the staircase.
The heavy stone gates begin to open
and a bright white light starts to
emerge. As the light descends the
stairs a human form slowly
materializes.

THE FORM
It is a thin, hollow-cheeked,
distinguished looking man in his
early sixties. His eyes are burning
red pin-holes, He looks around at
the spectacular rooftop view, then
acknowledges the two Terror Dogs
and starts stroking them like house
pets.

THE GHOSTBUSTERS
They stare at the apparition,
115.

SPENGLER
(recognizes him)
It's Shandor - the architect!

WINSTON
I thought he died!

VENKMAN
It doesn't seem to have slowed him
down any.

STANTZ
I don't think it's Shandor.

He gets to his feet and speaks sharply to Gozer.

STANTZ (CONT'D)
Gozer the Gozerian?

GOZER
He looks up and seems to notice the
Ghostbusters for the first time.

STANTZ
He 'busts' Gozer.

STANTZ (CONT’D)
(forceful)
As a duly-constituted
representative of the City of New
York, and on behalf of the County
and State of New York, the United
States of America, the Planet Earth
and all its inhabitants, I hereby
order you to cease and desist any
and all supernatural activity and
return at once to your place of
origin or next parallel dimension.

VENKMAN
(to Stantz)
Well, that ought to do it.

GOZER
He stands up to his full height and
regards Stantz curiously.

GOZER (CONT’D)
Are you a god?

STANTZ
(compulsively honest)
No.
116.

GOZER
Then die!

He raises his arms and blows away the Ghostbusters with
searing bolts of energy.

THE GHOSTBUSTERS
Momentarily stunned, they tumble
all the way down the stairs and
almost fall off the edge of the
roof.

WINSTON
(to Stantz)
You should've said "yes!" He might
have been willing to negotiate.

Venkman gets to his feet first, really mad now.

VENKMAN
(setting his wands)
Okay. That's it! I'm gonna turn
this guy into toast.

The Ghostbusters leap into action. One by one they activate
their Proton packs and take up positions for an entrapment.

GOZER
He braces for the onslaught.

VENKMAN
He shoots a particle stream at
Gozer.

GOZER
He leaps out of the way with
superhuman agility and executes a
perfect double-flip with a half-
twisting round-off at the end.

VENKMAN
He can't believe his eyes.

VENKMAN (CONT’D)
Agile bastard, isn't he?

STANTZ
Forget the trapping! Just blast
him!

The others adjust their units and they all blaze away at
Gozer.
117.

GOZER
He stands there calmly and absorbs
the force of the streams. There is
a brilliant pink flash and Gozer
disappears.

THE GHOSTBUSTERS
They stare for a long moment,
finding it hard to believe that
they won. Then Winston lets out a
triumphant whoop.

SPENGLER
He scans the temple with his PKE
meter, not at all convinced the
danger has passed.

STANTZ
He bounds up the stairs.

STANTZ (CONT’D)
(jubilant)
We neutronized him! The guy's a
molecular nonentity.

203 VENKMAN AND SPENGLER 203

He wants to believe it but sees the doubt on Spengler's
face.

SPENGLER
(reading the meter)
Not necessarily.

There is a deep seismic rumble and the entire building
begins to vibrate. The Ghostbusters look around nervously as
the entire building starts to sway.
Genres: ["Fantasy","Action","Comedy"]

Summary Dana and Louis transform into the Terror Dogs and the Temple of Gozer opens, revealing Gozer himself. The Ghostbusters engage in battle but are easily defeated by Gozer's immense power. As the building trembles, the Ghostbusters regroup to strategize against the formidable Gozer.
Strengths
  • High-stakes conflict
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Emotional impact
  • Character development
Weaknesses
  • Some cliched elements
  • Predictable outcome

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly engaging, combining tension, humor, and epic elements effectively to create a memorable and impactful moment in the story.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of facing off against a powerful supernatural entity like Gozer is intriguing and well-executed, adding depth and excitement to the narrative.

Plot: 8

The plot advances significantly as the Ghostbusters confront Gozer, leading to a major turning point in the story.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the supernatural genre by combining modern technology with ancient rituals and entities. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging, adding to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters, especially Stantz and Venkman, show courage, wit, and determination in the face of danger, adding depth and emotion to the scene.

Character Changes: 7

The characters, especially Stantz, show growth and development as they face off against Gozer, demonstrating courage and determination.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to defeat the supernatural entity threatening the city. This reflects their deeper desire to protect the people and maintain order in the face of chaos.

External Goal: 9

The protagonist's external goal is to stop the supernatural entity from causing further harm and destruction. This reflects the immediate challenge they are facing and the need to save the city from disaster.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between the Ghostbusters and Gozer is intense and high-stakes, driving the action and suspense of the scene.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the supernatural entity posing a significant threat to the Ghostbusters. The uncertainty of the outcome adds to the tension and keeps the audience on their toes.

High Stakes: 10

The stakes are incredibly high as the Ghostbusters confront Gozer, risking their lives to save the city and defeat the powerful entity.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward, leading to a major confrontation and resolution with Gozer.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because it introduces unexpected twists and turns, keeping the audience guessing about the outcome. The supernatural elements and character interactions add to the unpredictability of the scene.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the clash between science and the supernatural. The Ghostbusters rely on technology and logic to combat the ancient and mystical powers at play, challenging their beliefs and understanding of the world.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes fear, excitement, and triumph in the audience, creating a strong emotional impact.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is sharp, witty, and adds to the tension and humor of the scene, showcasing the characters' personalities and motivations effectively.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it combines action, suspense, and humor to keep the audience on the edge of their seats. The fast-paced events and witty dialogue create a sense of excitement and anticipation.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and suspense gradually, leading to a climactic confrontation. The rhythm of the scene keeps the audience engaged and invested in the outcome.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions. The dialogue is well-formatted and adds to the overall flow of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness in building tension and excitement.


Critique
  • The scene transitions abruptly from Dana and Louis transforming into Terror Dogs to the Ghostbusters trudging up the stairs, which can be disorienting for the audience.
  • The dialogue between the Ghostbusters lacks depth and emotional impact, making the confrontation with Gozer feel less intense and climactic.
  • The description of the action sequences is lacking in detail, making it difficult for readers to visualize the scene and feel the tension and excitement.
  • The resolution of the conflict with Gozer feels rushed and anticlimactic, with the Ghostbusters easily defeating him without much struggle.
  • The pacing of the scene is uneven, with moments of action followed by slower dialogue that disrupts the flow of the confrontation.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more descriptive details to enhance the visual and emotional impact of the scene, such as the reactions of the characters, the environment, and the intensity of the confrontation.
  • Work on building up the tension and suspense leading to the confrontation with Gozer, creating a more engaging and climactic moment for the Ghostbusters.
  • Ensure a smoother transition between different elements of the scene to maintain a cohesive narrative flow and keep the audience engaged.
  • Add depth to the dialogue by incorporating character motivations, emotions, and conflicts to make the interactions more compelling and realistic.
  • Revise the resolution of the conflict with Gozer to make it more challenging and impactful, creating a sense of accomplishment and victory for the Ghostbusters.



Scene 40 -  The Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man Arrives
204 EXT. THE EAVES 204

Cement carvings and moldings around the edge of the roof
crack and break off.

205 EXT. THE STREET 205

The crowd screams and runs as cement debris rains down the
side of the building and crashes on the sidewalk.

THE GHOSTBUSTERS
They look up at the sky waiting for
the big blow. An incredibly loud
thunderclap rocks the rooftop.
118.

THE SKY
A bolt of lightning crackles from
the swirling dark cloud and strikes
the rooftop.

The Ghostbusters stand there facing their new God like Moses
on Mount Sinai. And then Gozer speaks to them in a voice
that can be heard throughout Metropolitan New York and parts
of New Jersey.

GOZER
SUBCREATURES! GOZER THE GOZERIAN,
GOZER

206 THE DESTRUCTOR, VOLGUUS ZILDROHAR, THE 206

207 TRAVELLER HAS COME. CHOOSE AND PERISH. 207

VENKMAN
(shouting to be heard)
Is he talking to us?

WINSTON
What's he talking about? Choose
what?

STANTZ
(to the heavens)
What do you mean "choose?" We
don't understand.

GOZER
CHOOSE!!

SPENGLER
I think he's saying that since
we're about to be sacrificed
anyway, we get to choose the form
we want him to take.

STANTZ
You mean if I stand here and
concentrate on the image of Roberto
Clemente, Gozer will appear as
Roberto Clemente and wipe us out?

SPENGLER
That appears to be the case.

VENKMAN
(quickly)
Don't think of anything yet. Clear
your minds. We only get one crack
at this.
119.

GOZER
The choice is made. The Traveller
has come.

VENKMAN
(in a panic)
We didn't choose anything!
(to the others)
I didn't think of an image, did
you?

SPENGLER
No.

They look at Winston.

WINSTON
My mind's a total void!

They all look at Stantz.

STANTZ
(guilty)
I couldn't help it! It just popped
in there!

VENKMAN
(desperately)
What? What popped in there?

STANTZ
(pointing)
Look!

They all turn and look to the south.

GHOSTBUSTERS POV
Looking south past Columbus Circle,
they see part of something big and
white moving between the buildings
accompanied by thunderous footsteps
of almost seismic proportions.

VENKMAN
He doesn't know what it is yet, but
he knows it's coming.

VENKMAN (CONT’D)
(desperately)
What is it? Ray, what did you
think of?
120.

208 BROADWAY AND 55TH 208

The massive white shape passes behind some buildings,
offering a glimpse of what appears to be a fat, white arm.

STANTZ
He's about to go into shock.

STANTZ (CONT’D)
(babbling)
It can't be! It can't be!

COLUMBUS CIRCLE
The thundering footsteps continue
to plod as the thing starts to
emerge from behind the buildings.
Now we can see part of a blue
garment covering its enormous
chest.

STANTZ
He recognizes the monster.

STANTZ (CONT’D)
It's ... It's ... It's the STAY-
PUFT

209 MARSHMALLOW MAN. 209

Winston, Venkman and Spengler gape.

THEIR POV
They look across the roof tops and
see a large, square, white,
bobbing, laughing head atop a
massive body of similar puffed
white squares. The being is
dressed in a tiny sailor's hat, red
bosun's whistle and lanyard and a
little blue vest with a button
undone in the middle revealing a
little white belly. It is the cute,
quintessential American brand
symbol, looming as large as
Godzilla.

STANTZ (V.O.)
(desperately apologizing)
I tried to think of the most
harmless thing ... something that
could never destroy us ...
something I loved from my
childhood.
121.

THE GHOSTBUSTERS
They watch the Marshmallow Man
plodding toward them.

VENKMAN
AND YOU CAME UP WITH THAT?

STANTZ
The Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man! He
was on all the packages we used to
buy when I was a kid. We used to
roast Stay-Puft marshmallows at
Camp Waconda!

VENKMAN
Great! The marshmallows are about
to get their revenge.

210 THE STAY-PUFT MAN 210

He plods relentlessly uptown toward the Ghostbusters'
rooftop vantage point. The ground rumbles as his big, soft
feet come down on the pavement.

THE STREET
People are fleeing in panic as the
marshmallow feet pad along kicking
over lampposts and mail boxes.

A CAR
The driver jumps out just before an
enormous white marshmallow foot
comes down and flattens his
automobile.

THE GHOSTBUSTERS
They stand there helplessly
watching the laughing bobbing head
of the Stay-Puft Man as he comes
toward them.

VENKMAN
What now?

SPENGLER
(adjusting his thrower)
Full-stream with strogon pulse.

Venkman looks at Stantz. Stantz shrugs.

VENKMAN
(decides)
I guess that's all we've got.
122.

They step to the edge of the roof, moving like warriors now
ready to face the consequences.
Genres: ["Fantasy","Comedy","Action"]

Summary As the Ghostbusters struggle to determine Gozer's form, the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man, a product of Stantz's childhood, materializes and threatens their rooftop position. Despite Stantz's apology for his choice, the Ghostbusters prepare to confront the massive marshmallow man with their proton packs, ready to protect the city from this unexpected threat.
Strengths
  • Engaging concept
  • Tense conflict
  • Humorous dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue could be more impactful

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly engaging, combining elements of fantasy, comedy, and action seamlessly. The introduction of Gozer and the Marshmallow Man creates a sense of high stakes and excitement.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of choosing the form of destruction by the characters and the unexpected appearance of the Marshmallow Man are innovative and captivating.

Plot: 8

The plot advances significantly with the arrival of Gozer and the ensuing battle with the Marshmallow Man, adding tension and unpredictability to the story.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a unique supernatural threat in the form of the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man and explores the characters' reactions in a fresh and engaging way. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters' reactions to the escalating situation add depth and humor to the scene, showcasing their personalities and relationships.

Character Changes: 7

The characters face a significant challenge and must adapt quickly, showcasing their ability to think on their feet.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to survive and defeat the supernatural threat they are facing. This reflects their deeper need for validation, courage, and camaraderie.

External Goal: 9

The protagonist's external goal is to defeat Gozer and the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man to save the city from destruction. This reflects the immediate challenge they are facing and the stakes involved.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict reaches a peak with the arrival of Gozer and the threat of the Marshmallow Man, creating intense and suspenseful moments.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the characters facing a powerful supernatural entity that threatens their survival.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are incredibly high as the characters must face a powerful deity and a giant marshmallow monster, putting everything on the line.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward with the introduction of a major antagonist and a climactic battle, setting the stage for the resolution.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected appearance of the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man and the characters' reactions to the supernatural threat.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the choice between sacrifice and self-preservation. The characters must decide whether to sacrifice themselves to save others or try to survive at all costs.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes fear, confusion, and excitement in the characters and the audience, but could have delved deeper into emotional depth.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is witty and adds to the comedic tone of the scene, but could have been more impactful in certain moments.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it combines humor, suspense, and action to keep the audience on the edge of their seats.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and suspense as the characters face a life-threatening situation.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear action lines and dialogue.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, building tension and conflict effectively.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear buildup to the appearance of the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man, making the transition feel abrupt and disconnected from the previous events.
  • The dialogue between the Ghostbusters as they try to understand Gozer's instructions could be more engaging and impactful, adding depth to their characters and the situation.
  • The visual description of the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man could be more vivid and detailed to enhance the reader's imagination and create a stronger visual impact.
  • The reactions of the Ghostbusters to the appearance of the Marshmallow Man could be more dynamic and reflective of their personalities, adding depth to the scene.
  • The tension and urgency of the situation could be heightened by incorporating more sensory details and emotional cues to immerse the reader in the escalating chaos.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a gradual buildup to the appearance of the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man, incorporating suspenseful elements to create a more impactful reveal.
  • Enhance the dialogue between the Ghostbusters to reflect their individual personalities and deepen the conflict they face in choosing a form for Gozer.
  • Provide a more detailed and vivid description of the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man to create a stronger visual image for the reader.
  • Develop the reactions of the Ghostbusters to the Marshmallow Man's appearance, showcasing their individual responses and adding depth to their characters.
  • Incorporate sensory details and emotional cues to heighten the tension and urgency of the scene, immersing the reader in the escalating chaos and stakes.



Scene 41 -  Confrontation and Triumph: The Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man's Defeat
211 EXT. THE STREET 211

Peck comes running up to the front of the apartment
building. People are fleeing the oncoming monster. Peck
grabs a COP who is just about to flee himself.

PECK
(in a rage)
Are the Ghostbusters up there?

COP
(desperate to get away)
Yeah!

PECK
I want you to go up on the roof and
arrest them. This time they've
gone too far.

The Cop looks at Peck like he's insane, then sees the Stay-
Puft Man looming up at the end of the block.

COP
(knocking Peck's hands
away)
You arrest them, numb nuts! I'm
getting out of here.

He runs off. Peck turns to face the monster.

212 THE STAY PUFT MAN 212

The ground shakes with every step as he reaches the
building. Then, using the church next door as a stepping
stone, he begins climbing the wall.

THE GHOSTBUSTERS
They look over the edge of the roof
as the Marshmallow Man climbs
higher and higher.

VENKMAN
(shouts)
Hit him!

They each fire point blank at the Stay-Puft Man.

213 THE STAY-PUFT MAN 213

He bellows with pain and rage as the beams strike him right
in the chest and set his skin on fire.
123.

He begins to burn with a blue flame that spreads quickly
across his torso and down his arms. The Stay-Puft Man
bellows even louder, flailing its huge arms in response to
the searing flames that are starting to engulf him.

THE GHOSTBUSTERS
They stare at the horrible
conflagration.

WINSTON
Good. Now we made him mad.

214 THE STAY-PUFT MAN 214

Carbonous, flaming hunks of melting marshmallow are flying
from his arms as he waves them in wild rage.

THE STREET
Peck stands there paralyzed with
fear. A mass of flaming
marshmallow falls and flattens a
news stand nearby. Then a huge
glob of sticky toasted marshmallow
comes zipping down from above and
lands right on him, burying him up
to his neck in melted sucrose.

215 THE STAY-PUFT MAN 215

The flaming monster keeps coming intent on their
destruction. Most of his chest has melted away revealing
horrid musculature and a skeletal rib cage.

THE GHOSTBUSTERS
They square off and face him for
the last time, their weapons
poised.

VENKMAN
(calmly)
We're going to be killed by a
hundred-foot marshmallow.

216 THE STAY-PUFT MAN 216

He is almost on them now, fully engulfed in flames, reaching
for them, ready to swat them with his burning fist.

VENKMAN
(to the others)
On the count of three! One ... Two
...
124.

SPENGLER
(he has the best idea of
his life)
No! Them! Shoot them!
(he points at the Terror
Dogs)
Cross the beams.

217 THE TERROR DOGS 217

They stand beside the portal literally petrified.

VENKMAN
He hesitates.

VENKMAN (CONT’D)
(protesting)
No! You said crossing the beams
would be BAD. It'll kill her! And
us!

SPENGLER
Life is just a state of mind.

VENKMAN
But it's my favorite state.

STANTZ
Either way we're history.

218 THE STAY-PUFT MAN 218

His burning fist is starting to descend on the Ghostbusters.

VENKMAN
He chooses the only way out.

VENKMAN
(shouts)
Now!!

THE GHOSTBUSTERS
They turn and fire at the two
petrified Terror Dogs and blow them
to oblivion. The entire front of
the temple is obliterated along
with the door.

219 THE STAY-PUFT MAN 219

With the destruction of his earthly portal, the flaming
monster is suddenly engulfed in a cyclonic wind that begins
to swirl around him like a fire-storm.
125.

The flames are whipped higher and higher as the tornado
begins to pick up rotational speed. Then the Marshmallow Man
seems to explode from deep inside creating a flaming air
burst high above the rooftops.

THE ROOFTOP
The Ghostbusters are blasted off
their feet.

THE SKY
The fireball reaches its maximum
explosive force, then a sudden jet
of air pressure occurs like a
titanic vacuum cleaner in the sky
and sucks the flaming mass of
gasses and ash up through our
atmosphere and right out of our
dimension. The dark clouds
disappear with it, leaving a
beautiful clear blue sky over the
whole area.

THE TEMPLE
It now looks like an ancient ruin.

THE GHOSTBUSTERS
They are lying at the foot of the
stairs. Everything is still. One
by one they get slowly to their
feet and look around to see that
the crisis has passed.

STANTZ
Everybody okay?

Venkman looks up at the portal.

220 THE TERROR DOGS 220

They are still on the pedestals but charred almost beyond
recognition. Venkman mounts the stairs and gazes sadly at
the remains.

THE PEDESTAL
Venkman stands there mourning, then
a slight movement under the
blackened skin of the Terror Dog
catches his eye. The movement gets
stronger, then suddenly a human
hand pokes through the carbonous
coating.
126.

VENKMAN
Hope surges in him and he starts
frantically tearing away the black
coating, finally revealing Dana
alive and well under the burnt skin
of the Terror Dog.

221 STANTZ AND SPENGLER 221

They peel the charred coating off Louis and help him to his
feet.

LOUIS
He looks around wondering how he
ended up on the roof of a wrecked
high-rise. He looks at his scorched
and ripped suit crusted with the
still-smoking gobs of melted
marshmallow.

LOUIS (CONT’D)
(amazed)
Jeez! Somebody must have spiked
the egg salad.

VENKMAN
He helps Dana to her feet.

VENKMAN (CONT’D)
Are you all right?

She looks around at the incredible scene.

DANA
(totally confused)
Oh, sure. I'm getting used to
this.

LOUIS
(seeing Dana for the
first time)
I'm innocent! Honest, Dana. I
never touched you. Not that I
remember anyway.

DANA
(getting annoyed)
All right, what happened to me?

VENKMAN
Nothing! We just got rid of that
thing in your kitchen.
127.

DANA
Really! Is it gone?

VENKMAN
Yeah, along with most of your
furniture and a lot of your
personal possessions. This one
took some work.

DANA
(noting the wrecked
temple)
Thank you. Next time I want to
break a lease I'll know who to
call.

She hugs him.

VENKMAN
This is going to cost you, you
know. Our fees are ridiculously
high.

DANA
Talk to my accountant.
(she indicates Louis)

LOUIS
Oh, great! I bet we could write
off all the damage as an Act of
God.

THE GHOSTBUSTERS
They look at each other and nod.

STANTZ
I'll go along with that.
Genres: ["Comedy","Action","Fantasy","Horror"]

Summary Peck demands the Ghostbusters' arrest, but the cop refuses and flees. The Ghostbusters fire at the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man, eventually defeating him by redirecting the beams to the Terror Dogs, causing an explosion that sucks the marshmallow monster into another dimension. Dana and Louis, trapped within the Terror Dogs, are revealed to be alive. The Ghostbusters agree to cover up the incident as an Act of God.
Strengths
  • Engaging action sequences
  • Humorous dialogue
  • Innovative concept
  • Strong emotional impact
Weaknesses
  • Character development could be deeper
  • Some elements may be too chaotic for clarity

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly engaging, combining humor, action, and fantasy elements effectively. The stakes are high, the conflict is intense, and the emotional impact is strong.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of battling a giant marshmallow monster and using unconventional weapons like proton streams is innovative and entertaining. The idea of crossing the beams to defeat the Terror Dogs adds depth to the supernatural conflict.

Plot: 8

The plot is fast-paced and filled with twists and turns, leading to a climactic battle with the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man. The resolution of the conflict is satisfying and unexpected.

Originality: 9

The scene features a unique and original concept of a giant marshmallow monster attacking the city, along with fresh approaches to supernatural threats and comedic elements. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 7

The characters play their roles well in the scene, with Venkman providing humor, Spengler offering strategic insight, and Dana and Louis adding to the chaos. However, there could be more depth and development in their interactions.

Character Changes: 6

While there are some minor character changes, such as Louis realizing his role in the events and Dana coming to terms with the supernatural, there could be more significant development in the characters' arcs.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to protect the city and defeat the monster, reflecting their deeper desire to save lives and maintain order in the face of chaos.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to defeat the Stay-Puft Man and prevent further destruction, reflecting the immediate challenge they are facing.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is intense, with the Ghostbusters facing off against a powerful supernatural entity. The stakes are high, and the resolution of the conflict is satisfying.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the Ghostbusters facing a formidable enemy in the form of the Stay-Puft Man and having to make difficult decisions to defeat him.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are incredibly high in the scene, with the Ghostbusters facing a giant marshmallow monster and the potential destruction of the city. The tension and danger are palpable throughout.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward significantly, leading to the defeat of the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man and the resolution of the supernatural threat. It sets the stage for the final act of the screenplay.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists and turns, such as the decision to cross the beams and sacrifice the Terror Dogs to defeat the Stay-Puft Man.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the choice between sacrificing one life to save many, as seen in the decision to cross the beams and destroy the Terror Dogs to defeat the Stay-Puft Man.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from humor to fear to relief. The revelation of Dana being alive under the burnt skin of the Terror Dog adds a poignant moment amidst the chaos.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is witty, engaging, and adds to the humor and tension of the scene. Each character's voice is distinct and contributes to the overall tone.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its high stakes, fast-paced action, witty dialogue, and dramatic moments that keep the audience on the edge of their seats.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining a fast pace that builds tension and excitement, leading to a satisfying resolution.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene descriptions, character actions, and dialogue that enhance the visual storytelling.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution that build tension and keep the audience invested.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear transition from the previous scene, making it feel disjointed and abrupt.
  • The dialogue between Peck and the Cop could be more dynamic and engaging to enhance the tension of the moment.
  • The action of the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man climbing the building could be described in more detail to create a sense of scale and danger.
  • The Ghostbusters firing at the Stay-Puft Man could be more visually descriptive to convey the intensity of the moment.
  • The interaction between the Ghostbusters and the flaming Stay-Puft Man could be more emotionally charged to heighten the stakes of the confrontation.
  • The decision to shoot the Terror Dogs instead of the Stay-Puft Man could be more impactful if the reasoning behind it is clearer and more dramatic.
  • The resolution of the scene, with the explosion of the Stay-Puft Man and the aftermath, could be more climactic and visually vivid.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief transition or establishing shot to smoothly connect this scene with the previous one.
  • Enhance the dialogue between Peck and the Cop to add depth to their interaction and build tension.
  • Provide more vivid descriptions of the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man climbing the building to create a sense of scale and danger.
  • Add more sensory details to the scene where the Ghostbusters fire at the Stay-Puft Man to make the action more immersive.
  • Focus on the emotional reactions of the characters during the confrontation with the flaming Stay-Puft Man to engage the audience.
  • Clarify the reasoning behind the decision to shoot the Terror Dogs instead of the Stay-Puft Man to make the moment more impactful.
  • Create a more visually striking and intense resolution to the scene, emphasizing the explosive finale and the aftermath.



Scene 42 -  Post-Victory Celebrations
222 EXT. STREET - NEAR THE APARTMENT - NIGHT THE TWO BUMS 222

They hear the cheering down the street as they cautiously
inspect a massive mound of cooling sucrose.

FIRST BUM
Well, that definitely looks like
marshmallow to me.

SECOND BUM
(sniffing it)
Yeah, it's some kind of mallow-type
substance - that's for sure.
128.

FIRST BUM
You have to wonder why anybody
would dump a marshmallow that size
right in the middle of the street.

SECOND BUM
I wonder if there might not be a
very large cup of hot chocolate
somewhere in the area.

FIRST BUM
That would definitely explain it.

223 EXT. THE STREET NIGHT 223

A happy throng of jubilant citizens is gathered outside the
lobby entrance to the apartment building.

THE ENTRANCE
The battered but victorious
Ghostbusters emerge from the lobby.
Venkman and Dana are holding hands.
The crowd roars with unrestrained
joy and gratitude, Janine runs
over and hugs Spengler
enthusiastically. The Ghostbusters
wave and head for the Ectomobile
parked at the curb.

THE GHOSTBUSTERS
They get into the Ectomobile and
drive off with lights flashing and
sirens
screaming as the crowd cheers
wildly.

THE END
Genres: ["Comedy","Action","Fantasy"]

Summary The Ghostbusters emerge triumphant from a perilous encounter, greeted by a cheering crowd. As they drive off in their iconic Ectomobile, two curious bums stumble upon a bewildering sight - a massive mound of marshmallow in the street, leaving them to speculate about its origins and the possibility of a nearby hot chocolate.
Strengths
  • Humorous dialogue
  • Exciting action sequences
  • Satisfying resolution
Weaknesses
  • Lack of significant character development
  • Slightly predictable plot

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is highly entertaining, combining humor, action, and fantasy elements effectively. The resolution of the conflict with the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man is satisfying and the overall tone is joyful and victorious.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a giant marshmallow monster attacking the city is unique and engaging. The scene effectively combines elements of comedy, action, and fantasy to create an entertaining and memorable showdown.

Plot: 7

The plot of the scene revolves around the Ghostbusters facing off against the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man and ultimately defeating him. The pacing is fast-paced and the resolution is satisfying.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh and imaginative concept of a marshmallow-like substance appearing in the street, adding a unique twist to the typical victory celebration scene. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and contribute to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 7

The characters, including the Ghostbusters, Dana, Louis, and the crowd of onlookers, contribute to the humor and excitement of the scene. Their reactions and interactions add depth to the overall tone.

Character Changes: 5

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the Ghostbusters' teamwork and unity are highlighted as they work together to defeat the marshmallow monster.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene may be to feel a sense of accomplishment and validation for their successful ghostbusting mission. This reflects their deeper need for recognition and acceptance.

External Goal: 9

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to drive off in the Ectomobile and celebrate their victory with the cheering crowd. This reflects the immediate circumstances of their successful mission and the need to maintain their reputation as Ghostbusters.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between the Ghostbusters and the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man creates a high-stakes showdown that keeps the audience engaged. The tension builds as the monster approaches the rooftop.

Opposition: 6

The opposition in this scene is not particularly strong, as the focus is more on the characters' victory and celebration rather than on overcoming significant obstacles. However, the presence of the cheering crowd adds a sense of challenge and unpredictability to the scene.

High Stakes: 9

The high stakes of the scene are evident as the Ghostbusters face off against a giant marshmallow monster threatening the city. The tension and excitement are heightened by the escalating conflict.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by resolving the conflict with the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man and showcasing the Ghostbusters' ability to overcome challenges. The victory sets the stage for the conclusion of the film.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected appearance of the marshmallow-like substance and the lively celebration that follows, keeping the audience on their toes and adding an element of surprise to the story.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

There is a philosophical conflict between the supernatural world of the Ghostbusters and the mundane world of the citizens. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs in the existence of ghosts and the importance of their work in protecting the city.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene elicits feelings of joy, gratitude, and victory from both the characters and the audience. The triumphant moment when the Ghostbusters defeat the marshmallow monster is emotionally satisfying.

Dialogue: 6

The dialogue in the scene is humorous and engaging, particularly the exchange between the two bums discussing the giant marshmallow. The Ghostbusters' banter adds to the comedic tone.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it combines humor, action, and emotion in a celebratory moment, drawing the audience into the characters' triumph and creating a sense of excitement and satisfaction.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a smooth flow of action and dialogue that builds tension and excitement, leading to a satisfying conclusion. The rhythm of the scene contributes to its effectiveness in conveying the characters' emotions and motivations.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and easy to follow, with distinct scene headings and character actions. It adheres to the expected format for its genre, enhancing the reader's understanding of the events.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a victory celebration scene in a supernatural comedy genre, with a buildup of tension and a satisfying resolution. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the effectiveness of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear resolution or closure for the overall story arc. It feels abrupt and doesn't provide a satisfying conclusion to the Ghostbusters' journey.
  • The dialogue between the two bums discussing the marshmallow mound feels disconnected from the main action and doesn't add much to the scene or the story.
  • There is a missed opportunity to show the emotional impact of the Ghostbusters' victory on the characters or the city residents. More focus on their reactions and interactions could have added depth to the scene.
  • The transition from the bums discussing the marshmallow to the Ghostbusters emerging from the lobby is somewhat jarring and could be smoother to maintain the flow of the narrative.
  • The scene could benefit from a stronger sense of closure, perhaps by showing the Ghostbusters reflecting on their journey or the impact of their actions on the city.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of reflection or celebration among the Ghostbusters to provide a more satisfying conclusion to their story.
  • Integrate the dialogue between the bums and the main action more seamlessly to ensure a cohesive narrative flow.
  • Explore the emotional impact of the Ghostbusters' victory on the characters and the city residents to add depth and resonance to the scene.
  • Smooth out the transition between the different elements of the scene to maintain a cohesive and engaging storytelling experience.
  • Consider adding a final shot or moment that encapsulates the themes or messages of the overall story to give the scene a stronger sense of closure.