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Scene 1 -  Desolation in the Desert
!"#$#%&'((%)#%)(**+
Written by
Paul Thomas Anderson


Based on "Oil!" by
Upton Sinclair




FINAL SHOOTING SCRIPT Pink 7.25.06
Blue 5.18.06
White (Numbered) 2.20.06


This script is the confidential and proprietary property of
Paramount Vantage, and no portion of it may be performed,
distributed, reproduced, used, quoted, or published without prior
written permission.
1 OVER EXTERIOR SHOT OF HUGE MOUNTAINS IN THE B.G., PURE DESERT IN 1
THE F.G. MUSIC BUILDS FROM SMALL TO LOUD, VIOLENT CRESCENDO,
THEN OUT.


TITLE: There Will Be Blood


2 EXT. NEW MEXICO DESERT - DAY - 1898 2

CAMERA looks up a steep trail. Half the frame filled with a
hill in close distance, the other half is sky ... over the top of
the hill we see a prospector's pick come up and then down ... up and
then down ... up and then down ...

ANGLE. BEHIND THE MAN WITH THE PICK.
DANIEL c. PLAINVIEW (late 30's here) is, with pick and ax,
in the middle of the day, in 110 degree heat in New Mexico,
searching for SILVER.

He has a shaft about fifteen feet deep at this point.
Nearby is a MULE and a CART. He digs and digs and digs.

FRONT ANGLE. CU. DANIEL'S FACE.
He continues.

CUT TO:

3 EXT. DESERT - EVENING. 3

The MULE is pulling a cart filled with his prospector's
supplies. He walks beside, across the very rough desert
terrain. HOLD.

CUT TO:

4 EXT. MINE SHAFT- ANOTHER DAY. 4

He's back at it again. The SHAFT IS NOW TWENTY FEET DEEP.

He hears something outside the SHAFT in between swings
of the pick...

He listens ...waits ... continues with the work... but turns back
and climbs up out of the SHAFT...

ANGLE, MOUTH OF THE SHAFT.
He climbs out and looks;
2



4A His MULE has dropped dead in the heat. It is out like a light, 4A
turned over on it's side, the CART has fallen over with it ...

He walks over, inspects, wipes his sweat off, takes a break for
a minute and then goes back in the shaft.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama","Western"]

Summary In the New Mexico desert of 1898, determined prospector Daniel Plainview digs for silver under the relentless heat. As he deepens his mine shaft, he faces the harsh realities of survival when his mule dies from the extreme conditions. The scene captures his isolation and determination as he takes a moment to reflect before returning to his work, highlighting the toll of his relentless pursuit.
Strengths
  • Visual storytelling
  • Establishing character resilience
  • Setting the tone
Weaknesses
  • Minimal dialogue
  • Low conflict level

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.2

The scene effectively sets the tone and introduces the main character in a visually compelling way. It establishes the challenging environment and the character's perseverance.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a lone prospector in the harsh desert environment is engaging and sets up potential conflicts and character development.

Plot: 7.5

The plot is simple but sets up the character's initial goal and the challenges he faces, laying the groundwork for future developments.

Originality: 8

The scene presents a fresh take on the classic prospecting narrative, with a focus on the protagonist's internal and external struggles.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The main character is introduced effectively, showcasing his resilience and determination in the face of adversity.

Character Changes: 6

While the character's resilience is showcased, there is minimal change or development in this scene.

Internal Goal: 8

To find silver and achieve success as a prospector

External Goal: 7

To survive and thrive in the challenging desert environment


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

The conflict is minimal in this scene, primarily focusing on the character's struggle with the environment.

Opposition: 7

The death of the mule presents a strong opposition for the protagonist, adding a new layer of conflict to the scene.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes are relatively low in this scene, focusing more on character introduction and setting establishment.

Story Forward: 7

The scene sets up the character's initial goal and the challenges he faces, moving the story forward in a foundational way.

Unpredictability: 7

The scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected death of the mule, adding a new obstacle for the protagonist to overcome.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The conflict between individual ambition and the harsh realities of nature


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a sense of loneliness and determination, but the emotional impact is not overly strong.

Dialogue: 7

There is minimal dialogue in the scene, but it effectively conveys the character's actions and the harshness of the environment.

Engagement: 8

This scene is engaging because of its immersive setting, the protagonist's struggle, and the sense of tension and conflict.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged in the protagonist's journey.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene follows standard formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene descriptions and character actions.

Structure: 9

The scene follows a traditional structure for a character introduction in a period drama, setting up the protagonist's goals and challenges.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes the harsh environment and the character of Daniel Plainview through visual storytelling. The use of the pickaxe and the dead mule symbolizes the struggle and sacrifice inherent in his pursuit of wealth, which is a strong thematic element.
  • The pacing of the scene is somewhat uneven. The transitions between the different times of day could be smoother to maintain the audience's engagement. The cuts from day to evening and then to another day feel abrupt and could benefit from more gradual transitions or additional context to enhance the flow.
  • While the visuals are compelling, the scene lacks dialogue or internal monologue, which could provide deeper insight into Daniel's thoughts and motivations. Adding a few lines of internal reflection or dialogue with the mule could humanize him further and create a stronger emotional connection with the audience.
  • The scene's climax, the death of the mule, is impactful but could be enhanced by building more tension leading up to it. Perhaps incorporating sounds of the mule struggling or Daniel's increasing desperation could heighten the emotional stakes.
  • The description of the environment is vivid, but it could be more evocative. Instead of simply stating the heat, consider using sensory details that convey the oppressive nature of the desert, such as the mirage effect or the feeling of the sun beating down on Daniel's back.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief internal monologue or dialogue to give insight into Daniel's character and his thoughts on his work and the environment.
  • Smooth out the transitions between different times of day by incorporating visual cues or additional actions that indicate the passage of time more fluidly.
  • Build tension leading up to the mule's death by incorporating sounds or visual cues that suggest the mule is struggling, which would make the moment more impactful.
  • Enhance the sensory details of the environment to create a more immersive experience for the audience, focusing on how the heat affects Daniel physically and mentally.
  • Explore the possibility of adding a moment of reflection for Daniel after the mule's death, allowing the audience to see how this loss affects him emotionally and thematically.



Scene 2 -  Descent into Despair
5 INT. SHAFT. LATER. 5

cu. PICK into earth once again.
CU. DANIEL. He sees something in the earth here.

HIS POV- IN THE ROCK. The clear tracing, glistening vein of a
SLIVER ORE CHAMBER.

HOLD ON HIS FACE. AND THE CAMERA EXAMINES CLOSELY THESE MINERALS
IN THE ROCK. PLAY OUT FULL.

6 OUTSIDE THE SHAFT, LATER. 6
He unleashes the dead mule from the CART. and begins to LOAD IN
MASSIVE CHUNKS OF ROCK, LEADED WITH SILVER ORE INTO THE CART.

He catches his breath. He wipes his face and he goes back into
the SHAFT - but as he starts back down - somewhere between
passing out and tripping -- he plunges - loosing all his
balance, twists around and HEADS FEET FIRST STRAIGHT DOWN THE
6A SHAFT WITH NO HOLD - AND LANDS AT THE BOTTOM 6A

BOTH HIS ANKLES SNAP TOWARDS EACH OTHER.

HOLD. He passes out.

7 CU. DANIEL. 7
maybe a few moments later and he has come to ... he looks up to the
top of SHAFT and sees the light -

So... over the course of however long it takes, he pulls himself up
and out of the MINE SHAFT.

ANGLE, MOUTH OF THE SHAFT.
he arrives at the opening ... He puts himself on his back and
rests ... HOLD.

7A As he opens his eyes, he notices that the CART - from the weight 7A
of SILVER ORE - it has tipped forward ... and in doing so, has
dropped his CANTEEN OF WATER that had been strapped safely to
the cart -

water dribbles out in a pool of mud where the canteen sits.
3



CUT TO:

8 EXT. DESERT. DAY 8

DANIEL is pushing the cart with the upper half of his body ... then
he drags himself to catch up with the cart - he does this over
and over and over and over again across the desert floor -

CAMERA BEHIND HIM. Way off, in the distance, about a mile,
is the trace of a small town -

CUT TO:

9 INT. SILVER ASSAY OFFICE/LEASE OFFICE - DAY. 9

DANIEL, laying on his back on the floor of the office.
CU's of watching the assay process and tallying up the value of
the silver... He will sell this lease and move on...

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama","Western"]

Summary In a tense and desperate scene, Daniel discovers a vein of silver ore while mining but suffers a catastrophic fall into a shaft, injuring his ankles. After regaining consciousness, he struggles to escape the mine and finds his water supply spilled in the mud. Exhausted and without water, he drags himself and a cart loaded with silver across the harsh desert towards a distant town.
Strengths
  • Realistic portrayal of survival challenges
  • Strong character development
  • Emotional impact on the audience
Weaknesses
  • Minimal dialogue may limit character interaction

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys the harshness of the environment and the protagonist's struggle for survival, creating a sense of tension and urgency.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of survival in a harsh environment is effectively portrayed, drawing the audience into the protagonist's struggle.

Plot: 8.5

The plot advances significantly in this scene, as the protagonist's discovery of silver ore sets the stage for future developments.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a unique setting and situation, with the protagonist facing physical and emotional challenges in a mining environment. The authenticity of the character's actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The protagonist's character is well-developed through his actions and reactions to the challenges he faces, showcasing his resilience and determination.

Character Changes: 8

The protagonist undergoes a significant change in this scene, from desperation to a renewed sense of hope and determination.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is survival and perseverance. It reflects his deeper need for self-reliance and determination in the face of adversity.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to sell the silver ore lease and move on to the next opportunity. It reflects his immediate circumstances of needing to make a living and survive in a harsh environment.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, as the protagonist battles against the harsh environment and his own physical limitations.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene, such as the protagonist's physical injuries and the harsh environment, creates a strong challenge for the protagonist to overcome.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in this scene, as the protagonist's survival and future prospects are on the line.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing a key plot point and setting the stage for future developments.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because the protagonist's actions and the obstacles he faces keep the audience guessing about the outcome.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the struggle between survival and greed. The protagonist must balance his need to survive with the temptation to profit from the silver ore.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes a strong emotional response from the audience, as they empathize with the protagonist's struggle and determination.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is minimal but effective in conveying the protagonist's internal struggle and determination.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it creates tension and suspense through the protagonist's struggles and the harsh environment he faces.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged in the protagonist's struggles.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and follows the expected format for a screenplay, with proper scene headings and descriptions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure, with a setup of the protagonist's situation, a development of his struggles, and a resolution that sets up future events.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds on the tension established in the previous scene, showcasing Daniel's relentless pursuit of silver despite the harsh conditions. However, the transition from the discovery of the silver ore to the accident feels abrupt. A more gradual build-up to the fall could enhance the suspense and make the accident feel more impactful.
  • The use of close-ups on Daniel's face and the silver ore is visually compelling, but the scene could benefit from more varied shot compositions. Incorporating wider shots could help establish the isolation of the desert environment and emphasize the stakes of Daniel's situation.
  • The physicality of Daniel's struggle is well depicted, but the emotional weight of his injuries and the loss of the mule could be explored further. Adding internal monologue or flashbacks could deepen the audience's connection to Daniel's character and his motivations.
  • The scene lacks dialogue, which is appropriate for the tone, but it may benefit from some non-verbal communication or sound design elements that reflect Daniel's mental state. For example, the sound of the cart tipping or the canteen spilling could be emphasized to heighten the sense of loss and desperation.
  • The pacing of the scene is generally effective, but the transition to the next scene feels a bit rushed. A moment of reflection or a visual cue that highlights Daniel's exhaustion and determination could create a stronger emotional resonance before cutting to the assay office.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment of hesitation or doubt for Daniel before he descends back into the shaft, which could heighten the tension and foreshadow the impending accident.
  • Incorporate more varied camera angles and shot compositions to enhance the visual storytelling. For instance, a wide shot of Daniel struggling against the vast desert could emphasize his isolation.
  • Explore Daniel's emotional state through internal monologue or visual flashbacks that provide context for his relentless pursuit of silver, making his injuries feel more significant.
  • Enhance the sound design to reflect the physical and emotional stakes of the scene. Emphasizing the sounds of the cart tipping or the canteen spilling could amplify the sense of loss.
  • Allow for a brief moment of reflection after Daniel pulls himself out of the shaft, showcasing his exhaustion and determination before transitioning to the next scene.



Scene 3 -  Fumes and Foundations
10 EXT. SOMEWHERE IN CALIFORNIA. DAY -A FEW YEARS LATER- 1902 10

DANIEL is working again in a large field with some MEN.
There is: CANBURRY (30s) an OLDER MAN (50s) and a YOUNG MAN
(around 15) and a mining acquaintance: H.B. AlLMAN (30s) and
nearby, kept in the shade in a small bassinet, is a ONE YEAR
OLD BABY, Ailman's son (H.W.)

They are again, with pick and ax, digging a well.

They have a rope to a Horse and have connected the rope to
a pulley to raise and lower buckets into and out of the muck.

They shovel the muddy dirt into buckets, load the contents onto
a cart, which they take by a MULE to another area and dump.

11 CAMERA LOOKS DOWN INIDE THE WELL. 11

They are at SIXTY FEET. Inside the well is DANIEL and AlLMAN.
Under their feet is oil soaked SHALE ... it is emitting considerable
quantities of gas and crackling like heated popcorn.

The FUMES are CHOKING. They have RAGS TO THEIR FACES.

After a few moments, DANIEL PASSES STRAIGHT OUT. AlLMAN
SMACKS HIM, SMACKS HIM. WAKES HIM.


CUT TO:
4



12 CU. NEWSPAPER CLIPPING. 12
It shows the picture of an old, very crude derrick in
Pennsylvania.

WIDER, THAT MOMENT.
DANIEL, AILMAN, CANBURRY all stand over the picture, pointing
to it, getting to the bottom of how it works. quick scene
discussing exactly what would be needed to build such a rig.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama","Historical"]

Summary In a California field in 1902, Daniel and a group of men, including H.B. Aliman and Canbury, dig a well using a horse and pulley system. As they reach sixty feet, Daniel faints from gas exposure, but Aliman revives him. The scene shifts to a newspaper clipping of a crude derrick in Pennsylvania, prompting discussions among the men about oil rig construction and the challenges of oil extraction.
Strengths
  • Realistic portrayal of historical labor practices
  • Strong character development
  • Gritty and intense tone
Weaknesses
  • Minimal dialogue
  • Lack of significant character arcs

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys the physical and emotional challenges faced by the characters, setting a gritty and intense tone while showcasing their determination and resilience.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of showcasing the grueling work of well diggers in the late 19th century is well-executed, providing insight into the challenges faced by laborers during that time.

Plot: 8

The plot focuses on the characters' laborious task of digging a well, highlighting the physical and emotional toll it takes on them, while also introducing elements of collaboration and problem-solving.

Originality: 8

The scene offers a fresh perspective on the challenges of manual labor in the early 20th century, with authentic character actions and dialogue that add depth to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters are well-developed, showcasing their resilience, teamwork, and determination in the face of adversity, with each character contributing to the overall narrative.

Character Changes: 7

While there are no significant character arcs in this scene, the characters' resilience and determination are further emphasized through their actions and reactions to the challenges they face.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to prove his strength and endurance in the face of physical challenges. It reflects his desire to succeed in a difficult environment and earn respect from his peers.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to successfully dig the well and overcome the obstacles presented by the gas and fumes in the well. It reflects the immediate challenge of completing the task at hand.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict in the scene primarily stems from the physical challenges faced by the characters, such as the choking fumes in the well and the struggle to complete their task despite the hardships.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the characters facing physical and emotional challenges that create uncertainty and tension for the audience.

High Stakes: 8

The high stakes in the scene revolve around the characters' physical well-being and their ability to complete the task of digging a well, highlighting the risks and challenges they face.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by showcasing the characters' ongoing efforts to dig a well, introducing new challenges and highlighting their perseverance in the face of adversity.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected challenges and obstacles faced by the characters, keeping the audience on edge.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the balance between risking one's health and safety for the sake of work and progress. It challenges the protagonist's beliefs about the value of hard work and the sacrifices required for success.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a sense of empathy and admiration for the characters' struggles, creating an emotional connection with the audience through their perseverance.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue is minimal but effective in conveying the characters' actions and interactions, focusing more on the physical aspects of their work and the challenges they face.

Engagement: 8

This scene is engaging because it presents a physical and emotional challenge for the characters, creating tension and suspense for the audience.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the characters' struggles.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings, action descriptions, and character dialogue.

Structure: 9

The scene follows a clear structure with well-defined action and dialogue sequences that contribute to the overall narrative.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes the setting and the characters involved in the well-digging operation, but it lacks a strong emotional hook. While the physical labor is depicted, the stakes for Daniel and the other characters are not clearly defined, which may lead to a lack of engagement from the audience.
  • The transition from the well to the newspaper clipping feels abrupt. The cut to the newspaper could benefit from a smoother transition that connects the two moments more cohesively, perhaps by having a character reference the derrick before the cut.
  • The dialogue is minimal, which can work in favor of building tension and atmosphere, but it may also leave the audience wanting more character development. The characters could have brief exchanges that reveal their personalities or relationships, adding depth to the scene.
  • The description of the well and the gas emissions is vivid, but it could be enhanced by incorporating sensory details that evoke the atmosphere more fully. For example, describing the sounds of the gas or the physical sensations Daniel experiences could create a more immersive experience.
  • The scene lacks a clear conflict or goal for Daniel and the other characters. While they are engaged in a physical task, the absence of a specific objective or challenge diminishes the tension. Introducing a complication, such as a malfunction in the pulley system or an argument among the men, could heighten the stakes.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment of dialogue that reveals the characters' motivations or concerns about the well-digging operation. This could help establish their personalities and create a connection with the audience.
  • Introduce a specific goal or challenge for Daniel and the others in this scene. For example, they could be racing against time to complete the well before a storm hits, or they could be worried about the safety of the gas emissions.
  • Enhance the sensory details in the scene to create a more vivid atmosphere. Describe the sounds, smells, and physical sensations that Daniel and Aliman experience while working in the well.
  • Create a smoother transition to the newspaper clipping by incorporating a character's commentary about the derrick or the significance of the image before cutting to it. This will help maintain narrative flow.
  • Consider adding a moment of tension or conflict, such as a near-miss accident or a disagreement among the men, to elevate the stakes and keep the audience engaged.



Scene 4 -  The Drill's Descent
13 EXT. DRILLING SITE - DAY 13

This crew of men has erected a very CRUDE TWENTY FOOT TALL
DERRICK. They have fashioned a drill by attaching a cross
shaped bit to a three inch rod. They've got a pump, driven
by horsepower.

DANIEL operates the drill that's essentially a 20ft eucalyptus
tree. The large apparatus drives deep into the ground - the
first hit is very successful.

He brings the drill back up for a second attempt.

WIDE ANGLE.
DANIEL drives the 300 pound apparatus down - it breaks loose
from his hands -- SLIPS COMPLETELY FROM HIS GRASP - AND PLUMMETS
- He is left holding nothing ...

he just watches it fall down the hole.

CUT TO:

14 INT. HOLE. - THAT MOMENT 14

THE DRILL/LOG COMES FALLING DOWN, STRAIGHT AT CAMERA. IT FALLS,
STRAIGHT DOWN THE HOLE AND SPLINTERS APART.

HOLD.

14A ANGLE, DANIEL, UP AT THE TOP. 14A
looking down after it, then back up at the rig they've built.
He looks to Ailman.

CUT TO:
5


15 INT. HOLE. 15

AlLMAN has DESCENDED INTO THE DARK HOLE. DANIEL and the
rest are up top. AlLMAN wears a RUBBER RAIN SLICKER.
MUD EVERYWHERE.

DANIEL COACHES FROM ABOVE.

IN THE WELL, AlLMAN, HALF PASSING OUT, AND HANGING FROM A PULLEY
DEVICE, WRESTLES THE DRILL FREE BY KICKING IT WITH HIS FEET OVER
AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN - IT EVENTUALLY BREAKS FREE AND CAN BE
BROUGHT UP.

15A MOMENTS LATER, AT THE TOP. 15A
AlLMAN AND THE DRILL PIECE ARE PULLED TO THE TOP.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama","Historical"]

Summary At a makeshift drilling site, Daniel successfully operates a large eucalyptus drill but faces a setback when it slips and falls into the hole. Aliman, clad in a rubber rain slicker, bravely descends to retrieve it, struggling against the mud and darkness. With Daniel's guidance from above, Aliman perseveres, kicking the drill until it finally breaks free. The scene captures the tension of teamwork and the physical challenges they face, culminating in Aliman's successful retrieval of the drill.
Strengths
  • Intense action sequences
  • Realistic portrayal of historical setting
  • Strong character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Minimal dialogue
  • Limited character development

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys the difficult and dangerous nature of the characters' work, creating tension and showcasing their determination in the face of adversity.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of drilling for oil in the early 1900s is engaging and provides a unique backdrop for the characters' struggles. The scene effectively explores the challenges of the time period.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene revolves around the characters' attempts to drill for oil, facing obstacles and setbacks along the way. It moves the story forward and sets up future conflicts.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a unique setting and situation, showcasing the characters' technical skills and the risks involved in their job. The dialogue and actions feel authentic and contribute to the authenticity of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters in the scene are well-defined and their motivations are clear. Their interactions and reactions to the challenges they face add depth to the narrative.

Character Changes: 7

While there is some character development, particularly in their resilience and determination, the focus is more on their actions and reactions to the challenges they face.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist, Daniel, seems to be driven by a desire to succeed in his work and prove his skills. His internal goal reflects his need for validation and competence in his job.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to successfully operate the drill and complete the drilling process. This goal reflects the immediate challenge of the physical work and technical skills required in his job.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The scene is filled with conflict, both internal and external, as the characters battle the elements and their own limitations to achieve their goal of drilling for oil.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the characters facing difficult challenges and obstacles that create suspense and uncertainty about the outcome of their work.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in the scene, as the characters risk their lives and livelihoods in pursuit of drilling for oil. The potential rewards are great, but so are the dangers they face.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing new obstacles and challenges for the characters to overcome. It sets the stage for future developments in the narrative.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected challenges and obstacles faced by the characters, keeping the audience on edge about the outcome of their work.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

There is a philosophical conflict between the characters' determination to succeed in their work and the challenges and risks involved in their job. This conflict challenges the characters' beliefs about hard work and perseverance.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a strong emotional response from the audience, as they witness the characters' struggles and root for their success. The physical and emotional toll of their work is palpable.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue in the scene is minimal but effective, focusing on the characters' actions and reactions rather than lengthy conversations. It conveys the urgency and intensity of the situation.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it effectively conveys the physical challenges and risks faced by the characters, keeping the audience invested in the outcome of their work.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and urgency, keeping the audience engaged in the characters' actions and the outcome of their work.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear descriptions and action lines that enhance the visual storytelling.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, effectively building tension and conflict through the characters' actions and dialogue.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes the setting and the crude nature of the drilling operation, which aligns with the historical context of the time. However, the transition between the different angles and cuts could be smoother to maintain the flow of action and enhance the tension.
  • The visual descriptions are strong, particularly the imagery of the drill and the physicality of the characters. However, the emotional stakes could be heightened. The audience should feel more of Daniel's frustration and desperation when the drill slips from his grasp. Adding internal thoughts or a brief moment of panic could enhance this.
  • The dialogue is minimal, which works for the scene's tension, but it might benefit from some brief exchanges between Daniel and Aliman to convey their camaraderie and the stakes of the situation. This could also serve to highlight Daniel's leadership and the dynamics within the crew.
  • The scene lacks a clear emotional arc. While there is a physical struggle, the emotional stakes are not fully realized. The audience should feel the weight of the moment when the drill falls, not just as a physical loss but as a setback in Daniel's ambitions.
  • The pacing feels slightly rushed, particularly in the transition from the drill falling to Aliman descending into the hole. A moment of silence or a reaction shot from Daniel could create a more dramatic pause, allowing the audience to absorb the gravity of the situation.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment of internal conflict for Daniel when the drill slips, perhaps a flash of frustration or a brief memory of past failures, to deepen the emotional impact.
  • Incorporate brief dialogue exchanges between Daniel and Aliman to establish their relationship and the stakes involved in retrieving the drill. This could also provide insight into their personalities.
  • Enhance the transition between cuts by using sound design or visual cues that connect the falling drill to the chaos in the hole, creating a more cohesive experience for the audience.
  • Introduce a moment of tension or suspense after the drill falls, such as a close-up of Daniel's face showing his reaction, to emphasize the significance of the moment.
  • Consider extending the scene slightly to allow for a more gradual build-up to the drill's fall, creating a sense of anticipation and dread that culminates in the moment of loss.



Scene 5 -  From Triumph to Tragedy
16 EXT. HOLE. DAY. 16

with DANIEL. It's all been re-constructed. They are drilling.
drilling. ON ONE BLOW -- they HIT SOMETHING VERY HARD. SOLID.

THEY CAN'T BUDGE THE DRILL FOR A MINUTE. THEN THEY GET IT.

THEY PULL THE RIG UP AND OUT.

CU. THE DRILL LOG.
it lands on the ground. It's ABSOLUTELY SOAKED in OIL
measuring up about lOft on the large WOOD DRILL PIECE.
DANIEL enters FRAME, on his side ... gets down and looks at it.

His breathing gets heavier and heavier and a little crazy. HOLD.

CUT TO:

17 EXT. DRILLING SITE. DAYS LATER. 17

This scene shows how they are taking the oil, dumping it into a
reservoir they've built, then taking that and putting it into
whatever they've got: cans, containers, barrels, bottles, etc. etc.

AILMAN works while holding the one-year-old H.W. in his arms.

CUT TO:
6


18 INT. SHAFT. 18

DANIEL and AILMAN are in the shaft, working something.
They are moving in and out of consciousness, but are somehow
driving forward, fixing a part of the drill. OIL and MUD are
pooled underneath them.

DANIEL hears something. looks up.

ANGLE, THE TIMBER SUPPORTS THAT SURROUND THE WELL.
something has come loose ...

CU. DANIEL.
he looks at AILMAN.

CU. TIMBER
a very large, sharp piece, like an icicle, cracks in the
support and comes flying STRAIGHT AT CAMERA.

DANIEL AND AILMAN. TWO SHOT.
THE PIECE COMES FLYING DOWN LIKE A DAGGER AND GOES STRAIGHT
INTO THE TOP OF AlLMAN'S HEAD, BLOOD PUSHES FROM HIS MOUTH
AND EYES AND SPRAYS DANIEL.

HOLD, CU. ON DANIEL. in a state of shock.

CUT TO:

19 EXT. DRILLING SITE. DAY 19

DANIEL looks at the BABY, HW, in the basket ... HOLD. He picks him
up and walks around with him, holding onto him awkwardly... He puts
him back in the basket, looks around... looks back at this baby
H.W...

CUT TO:

20 INT. FLOP HOUSE. NIGHT 20

The young baby H.W. is CRYING at the top of it's lungs, laying
in the bed next to DANIEL who is out cold. Everyone else is
asleep in this flophouse.

Daniel wakes up, takes some WHISKEY from his bag, pours it on
his FINGER and puts it in the baby's mouth. He sips
some himself ... baby H. W. cries and cries and cries ...

ANGLE, LATER.
DANIEL carries the baby H.W. to a corner of the flophouse
where a MOTHER and FATHER and THREE CHILDREN are sleeping.
7

~The MOTHER gently takes out her breast and puts the baby H.W.
to it, calming and quieting the child.

Daniel falls back asleep sitting on the floor.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama","Historical"]

Summary In this scene, Daniel and his team celebrate a significant oil discovery at their drilling site, but the excitement quickly turns to horror when a fatal accident occurs, claiming the life of his colleague Ailman. Left in shock, Daniel struggles with the responsibility of caring for baby H.W., leading to an awkward and desperate attempt to soothe the child. The scene captures the stark contrast between the thrill of success and the harsh realities of their dangerous work, culminating in Daniel's emotional collapse as he falls asleep on the floor of a flophouse.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Intense moments
  • Strong character development
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue could be more impactful

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys a sense of tragedy and emotional depth through its intense and shocking events, creating a compelling narrative that keeps the audience engaged.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene, focusing on the harsh realities of the characters' lives and the sacrifices they make, is well-executed and engaging.

Plot: 8.5

The plot of the scene is engaging and effectively conveys the struggles and challenges faced by the characters, driving the narrative forward with impactful events.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on the oil industry, exploring the personal and moral consequences of profit-driven decisions. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and grounded in reality.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters in the scene are well-developed and their emotions and motivations are effectively portrayed, adding depth to the narrative and engaging the audience.

Character Changes: 8

The characters undergo significant emotional and psychological changes in the scene, deepening their arcs and adding complexity to their development.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to confront the consequences of his actions and the impact on those around him. It reflects his deeper need for redemption and his fear of losing control.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to successfully extract oil from the drilling site and manage the operation effectively. It reflects the immediate challenge of running a profitable business in a dangerous environment.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The scene is filled with internal and external conflicts that drive the narrative forward and create tension and drama, keeping the audience engaged.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with unexpected events and challenges that test the protagonist's resolve and morality. The audience is left uncertain of the outcome.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in the scene, with the characters facing life-threatening situations, emotional turmoil, and significant challenges that have a profound impact on their lives.

Story Forward: 9

The scene effectively moves the story forward by introducing key events, conflicts, and character developments that propel the narrative towards its resolution.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the sudden and shocking events that unfold, keeping the audience on edge and unsure of what will happen next.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the juxtaposition of greed and compassion. The protagonist's pursuit of wealth clashes with his responsibility towards others, challenging his values and moral compass.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, eliciting strong feelings of sadness, shock, and empathy from the audience, creating a powerful and memorable viewing experience.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the emotions and tensions between the characters, adding depth to their interactions and relationships.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense visuals, emotional depth, and moral dilemmas. The audience is drawn into the protagonist's internal and external struggles.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, allowing for moments of quiet reflection and intense action. It contributes to the overall effectiveness of the scene.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and concise, with a focus on visual descriptions and character actions. It follows the expected format for a screenplay in this genre.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a linear progression, effectively building tension and emotional stakes. It adheres to the expected structure for a dramatic narrative set in an industrial setting.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension through the physicality of the drilling process and the impending danger of the loose timber support. However, the transition from the drilling site to the tragic accident feels abrupt. The buildup to the accident could benefit from more foreshadowing or a moment of reflection from Daniel, which would heighten the emotional impact when Ailman is injured.
  • The visual descriptions are strong, particularly the imagery of the oil-soaked drill log and the sharp timber piece. However, the scene could be enhanced by incorporating more sensory details, such as the sounds of the drilling, the smell of oil, or the heat of the environment, to immerse the audience further into the setting.
  • The emotional weight of Ailman's injury is significant, but the scene could delve deeper into Daniel's psychological state. His shock is noted, but exploring his internal conflict or guilt could add layers to his character and make the moment more poignant.
  • The transition to the next scene, where Daniel awkwardly cares for H.W., feels somewhat disjointed. A smoother transition that connects the trauma of Ailman's death to Daniel's struggle with fatherhood would create a more cohesive narrative flow.
  • The lack of dialogue in this scene works well to emphasize the tension and focus on action. However, a few well-placed lines or reactions from Ailman before the accident could provide a stronger emotional connection and make the tragedy more impactful.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment of foreshadowing before the accident, such as Daniel noticing the unstable timber or expressing concern about the drilling conditions, to build tension and anticipation.
  • Incorporate more sensory details to enhance the atmosphere of the scene, such as the sounds of the drill, the heat of the sun, or the smell of oil, to create a more immersive experience for the audience.
  • Explore Daniel's internal conflict more deeply after Ailman's injury. Show his emotional response to the accident, perhaps through flashbacks or internal monologue, to add depth to his character.
  • Create a smoother transition between the traumatic event and Daniel's interaction with H.W. by linking his feelings of loss or guilt to his awkwardness in caring for the baby, reinforcing the theme of his struggle with fatherhood.
  • Consider including a few lines of dialogue or reactions from Ailman before the accident to establish a stronger emotional connection and make the tragedy of his injury more impactful.



Scene 6 -  Chaos in Signal Hill
21 INT. TRAIN. MOVING. DAY. 21

CAMERA holds on DANIEL sleeping. The baby, H.W. is
in the seat next to him, awake and looking about.

CAMERA moves in CLOSE ON THEM BOTH. HOLD.

LONG DISSOLVE TO:

22 CU. DANIEL CALDECOT PLAINVIEW. (D.C. PLAINVIEW) 1908 22

A few (six) years later. He is dressed well now. slight show
of some wealth. overcoat, haircut, clean shaven, etc. We see
nothing but him as he speaks;

DANIEL
Ladies and Gentlemen, I've traveled
over half our state to get here this
evening. I couldn't get away sooner because
my new well was coming in at Coyote Hills and
I had to see about it. That well is now
flowing at two thousand barrels and it's
paying me an income of five thousand dollars
a week. I have two others drilling and I have
sixteen producing at Antelope.
So- Ladies and Gentlemen- if I say I'm an
oil man, you will agree.
(beat)
You have a great chance here - but bear in
mind: you can loose it all if you're not
careful. Out of all men that beg for a chance
to drill your lots, maybe one in twenty will be
oil men; the rest will be speculators - men
trying to get between you and the oil men - to
get some of the money that ought by rights come
to you. Even if you find one that has money,
and means to drill, he'll maybe know nothing
about drilling and he'll have to hire out the
job on contract - and then you're depending on
a contractor that's tryin' to rush the job
through - so he can get another contract just
as quick as he can. This is way that this
works.
8


An OC VOICE INTERRUPTS, LOUDLY; Daniel holds his composure.

OC MALE VOICE
WHAT IS YOUR OFFER? WE'RE WASTING TIME.

DANIEL
I do my own drilling and the men that work
for me, work for me and they are men I know.
I make it my business to be there and see to
their work. I don't lose my tools in the hole
and spend months fishing for them; I don't
botch the cementing off and let water in the
hole and ruin the whole lease.

REVEAL, AT THAT MOMENT, young H.W. (age 7) He is standing behind
Daniel and looking at the group OC. Daniel and H.W.;

DANIEL
I'm fixed like no other
company in this field and that's
because my Coyote Hills well has just
come in - I have a string of tools
all ready to put to work... I can load a rig
onto trucks and have them here in a week.
I have business connections so I can get
the lumber for the derrick - such things go
by friendship in a rush like this.
And this is why I can guarantee to start
drilling and put up the cash to back my word.
I assure you, whatever the others promise
to do, when it comes to the showdown, they
won't be there ...

REVERSE, THE ROOM, THAT MOMENT
About TEN FAMILIES have packed themselves into a very small
BUNGALOW HOME in Signal Hill near Long Beach, Calif. They are
a hungry group;

MAN
THAT'S FINE. THAT'S JUST FINE, BUT HOW
DO YOU PROPOSE TO SPLIT UP THE LOTS?

WOMAN
WHAT ARE YOU SAYING, MR. PLAINVIEW?

MARRIED MAN
WE DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THIS IF YOU
CAN'T TELL US HOW YOU PLAN TO PAY
EACH AND EVERY PERSON THAT IS
IN THIS ROOM.
9



ANOTHER MAN
LET HIM FINISH. LET HIM FINISH.

MAN
IF SOMEONE HAS A MARKED BOUNDARY AND
A SMALL LOT, THAT INFRINGES

ANOTHER MAN
LET HIM FINISH!

MAN
INFRINGING ON MY LOT AND TAKING MY MONEY.

ANOTHER MAN
LET HIM FINISH. Please, Mr. Plainview --

DANIEL
It's not up to me to say how you're going
to divide the royalty. But let me say this;
whatever you give up so you can get together
it will be smart compared to what you may loose
by delay. The crooks and the gamblers are near
and the wolf is scratching the door.
Ladies and Gentlemen, take it from
me as an oil man - humbly - there aren't going
to be many gushers here at Signal Hill.
A field plays out very quick. In two or three
years, these wells will be dry - even this
discovery well that's gushing down the road and
has everyone so crazy. So my suggestion, with
respect, is take a smaller share of royalty
and we will see that it's a small
share of a bigger royalty. That,
ladies and gentleman, is what I had to say.

HOLD ON THE ROOM. Everyone has taken this in, then: THE ROOM
ERUPTS AS EACH FAMILY SCREAMS AND YELLS AND UNLEASHES THEIR
WRATH AT EACH OTHER ABOUT HOW THEIR LOTS SHOULD BE DIVIDED AND
ROYALTIES SHARED AND MEASURMENTS OF 11 SMALL LOTS" 11 BIG LOTS"
11
LITTLE BIG LOTS" 11 LITTLE SMALL LOTS" WOMEN SCREAM: 11 WE SHOULD
JUST GO WITH A FAMILY OPERATION, IT'S MORE IMPORTANT!" A MAN
SCREAMS: 11 BULL."

We witness human dignity go completely out the window.

Daniel stands, slowly turns and walks out the door, without even
being noticed. H.W. walks out behind Daniel_

CUT TO:
10
Genres: ["Drama","Historical"]

Summary In a small bungalow in Signal Hill, California, six years after a peaceful train ride, Daniel Plainview confidently presents his oil business to local families. As he discusses drilling operations and the division of royalties, the families grow increasingly agitated, leading to a chaotic argument that drowns out his speech. Despite Daniel's attempts to calm the situation, the room erupts into chaos, and he quietly exits with his son H.W., unnoticed by the bickering families.
Strengths
  • Sharp dialogue
  • Character depth
  • Conflict development
Weaknesses
  • Limited emotional impact
  • Lack of character changes

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene is well-written, engaging, and informative, providing insight into the character of Daniel Plainview and the intricacies of the oil business. The dialogue is sharp and impactful, driving the narrative forward.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of showcasing the complexities of the oil industry and the challenges of royalty division is well-developed. The scene effectively conveys the high stakes and risks involved in the business.

Plot: 8.5

The plot is advanced through the exploration of Daniel's character, the conflicts arising from royalty division, and the insights into the oil business. The scene adds depth to the overall narrative.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh perspective on the oil industry and business negotiations, with authentic dialogue and character motivations that feel genuine and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters, especially Daniel Plainview, are well-defined and compelling. Their interactions and conflicts drive the scene forward and provide insight into their motivations and personalities.

Character Changes: 8

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, it sets up potential developments for Daniel and the other characters in the future.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to establish his authority and expertise in front of the group, showcasing his success and wealth to gain their trust and business.

External Goal: 7.5

The protagonist's external goal is to secure business deals and contracts for oil drilling, emphasizing his capabilities and reliability as an oil man.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between Daniel and the families over royalty division, as well as the internal conflicts within the families, adds tension and drama to the scene.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting interests, competing goals, and emotional outbursts that create obstacles for the protagonist and drive the narrative forward.

High Stakes: 8

The high stakes of the oil business, the conflicts over royalty division, and the risks involved in the industry create a sense of urgency and importance in the scene.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by establishing key conflicts, character dynamics, and thematic elements. It sets the stage for future developments in the narrative.

Unpredictability: 8.5

This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting power dynamics, unexpected outbursts from characters, and the uncertain outcome of the business negotiations.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict lies in the tension between honesty and deception in business dealings. Daniel Plainview emphasizes his integrity and hands-on approach, contrasting with the speculators and gamblers who exploit others for profit.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a sense of tension, concern, and greed, but the emotional impact is not overwhelming. It sets the stage for future emotional developments.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is sharp, impactful, and reveals the characters' traits and intentions effectively. It drives the scene's tension and conflict, adding depth to the narrative.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the high stakes, conflicting interests, and dynamic character interactions that keep the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, maintaining a steady rhythm that keeps the audience engaged and invested in the dialogue and conflicts.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to the expected format for a screenplay, with clear scene descriptions and character dialogue that enhance the visual storytelling.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format for a dialogue-heavy sequence, effectively building tension and conflict through character interactions and revelations.


Critique
  • The scene effectively transitions from Daniel's past struggles to his current success, showcasing character development. However, the long dissolve could be more impactful if it included a visual cue or sound that emphasizes the passage of time, rather than relying solely on the dissolve effect.
  • Daniel's monologue is informative and establishes his authority as an oil man, but it risks feeling overly expository. The dialogue could benefit from more natural interruptions or reactions from the audience to create a more dynamic exchange.
  • The chaos that erupts in the room is a strong moment that illustrates the desperation and greed of the families, but it could be enhanced by incorporating more specific character reactions or lines that highlight their individual stakes in the situation. This would deepen the audience's connection to the characters and their conflicts.
  • The scene lacks a strong emotional anchor for Daniel amidst the chaos. While he is the focal point, his emotional response to the families' outburst is not clearly defined. Adding a moment of internal conflict or frustration could make his exit more poignant.
  • The pacing of the scene feels uneven. The buildup to the families' eruption is well-crafted, but the transition from Daniel's speech to the chaos could be smoother. Consider using a more gradual escalation of tension to maintain engagement.
Suggestions
  • Incorporate a visual or auditory cue during the dissolve to signify the passage of time, such as a change in lighting or background noise that reflects the growth of the oil industry.
  • Revise Daniel's dialogue to include more interruptions or questions from the audience, allowing for a more organic flow of conversation that reflects the tension in the room.
  • Add specific lines or reactions from the families that highlight their individual concerns and stakes, making the chaos feel more personal and relatable.
  • Include a moment where Daniel visibly reacts to the chaos, whether through frustration, disappointment, or a sense of helplessness, to create a stronger emotional connection with the audience.
  • Consider adjusting the pacing by gradually building tension before the eruption, perhaps by including more subtle signs of agitation among the families as Daniel speaks.



Scene 7 -  A Firm Refusal
23 EXT. SIGNAL HILL - THAT MOMENT. 23

CAMERA leads DANIEL and H.W. out of the bungalow and onto the
street, they are followed out of the house by a small man named
PRESCOTT (50s) pleading his case

PRESCOTT
no, please, Mr. Plainview where are you going?

DANIEL
I don't need the lease, thank you.

PRESCOTT
But, no, no, we need you, we'd like
for you to begin -

DANIEL
There's too much confusion. Thank
you for your time.

PRESCOTT
No confusion, let us just, please come
back and we can all settle this -

DANIEL
I wouldn't take the lease if you gave
it to me as a gift.

DANIEL and H.W. keep walking, THEY JUMP OVER THE OIL THAT FLOWS
IN THE GUTTER, OF THIS SUBURBAN TRACT COMMUNITY/UNDER
CONSTRUCTION. PEOPLE IN THE STREETS, BUYING, SELLING, ETC.
WE CAN SEE THE TOP OF A DERRICK IN THE DISTANCE ON A HILL.

They walk down the center of the street and off up a
side road

CUT TO:
II
Genres: ["Drama","Historical"]

Summary In a tense confrontation on Signal Hill, Daniel firmly rejects Prescott's desperate pleas to reconsider a lease agreement, asserting his independence and determination. As he and H.W. navigate through a construction site, avoiding oil in the gutter, they leave Prescott behind, symbolizing their rejection of the messy situation he represents.
Strengths
  • Strong portrayal of Daniel's character traits
  • Effective tension and conflict
  • Clear setup for future plot developments
Weaknesses
  • Limited emotional impact
  • Lack of significant character growth
  • Dialogue could be more nuanced

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys Daniel's character traits and sets up future conflicts, but lacks significant emotional impact and character development.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of Daniel's departure from the chaotic meeting is compelling and sets the stage for future developments. It effectively highlights his character traits and motivations.

Plot: 8

The plot progresses as Daniel makes a significant decision to walk away from a potential business deal, hinting at future conflicts and challenges. The scene moves the story forward effectively.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh take on the theme of individualism versus community, with nuanced character interactions and a unique setting. The dialogue feels authentic and drives the conflict forward.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters, especially Daniel, are well-defined in this scene, showcasing his determination and independence. However, there is limited development for other characters.

Character Changes: 7

While Daniel's resolve and independence are reinforced, there is limited character change or growth in this scene. Future developments may offer opportunities for deeper character arcs.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to assert his independence and refusal to be swayed by others' offers or pleas. This reflects his desire for control and self-reliance.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to continue on his path without being distracted or influenced by others. He wants to maintain his focus on his own objectives.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between Daniel and the families at the meeting adds tension and drama to the scene, driving the narrative forward and highlighting character dynamics.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing resistance from the community and internal conflict over his decisions. The audience is left unsure of how he will navigate these challenges.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are moderately high as Daniel walks away from a potential business opportunity, impacting his future prospects and relationships with the families involved.

Story Forward: 8

The scene effectively moves the story forward by introducing new conflicts and challenges for Daniel, setting the stage for future plot developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the protagonist's unexpected refusal to engage with the community, creating tension and uncertainty about his next actions.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

There is a philosophical conflict between the protagonist's individualism and the community's desire for his involvement. This challenges his beliefs in self-determination and autonomy.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene lacks significant emotional impact, focusing more on tension and conflict. There is room for deeper emotional resonance to enhance audience engagement.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue effectively conveys tension and conflict, but could benefit from more depth and nuance to enhance character interactions.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the protagonist's strong personality and the conflict between his goals and the community's expectations. The dialogue is sharp and drives the narrative forward.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a gradual build-up of tension and a clear resolution. The rhythm of the dialogue and action keeps the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene is well-formatted with clear action lines and dialogue, making it easy to follow and visualize. It adheres to the expected formatting for its genre.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with a defined conflict and resolution, maintaining tension and momentum. It adheres to the expected format for its genre.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures Daniel's dismissive attitude towards Prescott, showcasing his growing arrogance and the tension in their relationship. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext to deepen the conflict. Prescott's desperation is clear, but Daniel's motivations could be more nuanced, perhaps hinting at past grievances or a specific reason for his refusal beyond mere confusion.
  • The visual elements, such as the oil flowing in the gutter, serve as a strong metaphor for the corruption and moral decay associated with the oil industry. However, the scene could be enhanced by incorporating more sensory details to immerse the audience in the environment. Describing the sounds of the bustling street or the smell of oil could add depth to the setting.
  • The pacing of the scene feels rushed, particularly in the transition from the bungalow to the street. A moment of reflection or hesitation from Daniel could heighten the emotional stakes and allow the audience to connect more with his internal struggle. This would also provide a contrast to Prescott's urgency.
  • The scene ends abruptly after Daniel's final line, which may leave the audience wanting more resolution or insight into Daniel's character. A brief moment of silence or a reaction shot from H.W. could emphasize the weight of Daniel's decision and its implications for their relationship.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a line or two of dialogue from Prescott that reveals more about his character or the stakes involved in the lease agreement. This could create a stronger emotional connection for the audience.
  • Incorporate more sensory details to enhance the setting. Describe the sounds of the construction, the chatter of people in the streets, or the smell of oil to create a more vivid atmosphere.
  • Allow for a moment of reflection from Daniel before he exits the bungalow. This could be a brief pause where he contemplates the situation, adding depth to his character and the weight of his decision.
  • Include a reaction shot of H.W. after Daniel's final line to illustrate the impact of Daniel's choices on their relationship. This could serve as a poignant moment that resonates with the audience.



Scene 8 -  The Deal and the Gusher
24 INT. BANKSIDE HOME - NIGHT. 24

DANIEL is now sitting with a nice, mild mannered man: JIM
BANKSIDE (50s) his WIFE sits with him and their TWO SONS aged 10
and 12. HW sits beside Daniel and a bit behind;

DANIEL
Mr. Bankside, I'm not going to waste
your time and I'd like it if you didn't
waste mine. If you want to sign with
me we can have a well drilling within
ten days. Your lot is further North from
the discovery well up here so it means we
will probably have to dig deeper. If there's
as much oil up here as I think there is, it
will be harder to reach but once we find it
we can take it right out. But we have to
act quickly because very soon these grounds
will dry up. I need you to know what you
want to do. Because of the distance
from the discovery well I'll pay you a smaller
royalty than you'd get down there- but I'll
give you a thousand dollar bonus on your lot.

BANKS IDE
what royalty?

DANIEL
A sixth - now that's standard.
And a guarantee to start
drilling within ten days -which isn't.

KIDS
DO IT, DAD. DO IT. DO IT.

BANKSIDE (to kids)
SHUT UP.

DANIEL
The oil-game is like heaven. Everyone is
called but few are chosen.

BEAT.

MRS. BANKSIDE
Where is your wife?

DANIEL
She died at child birth, Mrs. Bankside.
It's just me and my boy.

Bankside takes all this in, then:
12



CUT TO:

25 EXT. DERRICK FLOOR - EVENING - WEEKS LATER. 25

DANIEL is guiding the process on the floor of the derrick,
Which has been erected ON TOP OF/NEXT TO/IN the BANKSIDE HOME.

HOLD on this process, and introduce the main team of DRILLERS
that Daniel works with; BEN BLAUT (40s), MURGINS (50s) JOE
GHUNDA (40s) and FOUR OTHER FACES/ROUGHNECKS. We watch them and
hear technical details, etc .

... there is a DEEP, DARK RUMBLE ... the men get ready ...

•. it's very quiet~

25A ...CAMERA looks straight down onto the men working ... and IN A FLASH: 25A
A BURST OF GAS/WATER/OIL COMES STRIAGHT UP AND AT THE CAMERA.

THE SCREEN GOES BLACK.

25B ...OIL SPRAYS ALL OVER THE BANKSIDE HOUSE ... 25B

... THE MEN CONTAIN THE GUSHER and "tie-off" ... leading the oil
into waiting LARGE DRUM CONTAINERS.

25C ... INSIDE THE CONTAINER' s ...we watch the OIL FILL UP. 25C

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama","Historical"]

Summary Daniel meets with Jim Bankside and his family to negotiate an oil drilling deal, offering a smaller royalty and a $1,000 bonus. While Jim is hesitant, his children enthusiastically push him to accept. Mrs. Bankside expresses concern for Daniel's personal life, learning about his deceased wife. Weeks later, as drilling begins at their home, a dramatic oil gusher erupts, spraying over the house, marking the culmination of their decision.
Strengths
  • Strong character development
  • Detailed exploration of oil drilling process
  • Tension and conflict in negotiation
Weaknesses
  • Limited character changes within the scene
  • Some technical details may be overwhelming for some viewers

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively combines elements of drama, historical context, and technical details to create a compelling narrative. The negotiation adds tension and depth to the story, while the personal revelation about Daniel's wife adds emotional weight.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of negotiating an oil deal in the early 20th century is engaging and provides insight into the challenges and risks involved in the oil industry. The scene effectively explores themes of ambition, loss, and perseverance.

Plot: 8.5

The plot of the scene is well-developed, with a clear progression from negotiation to the oil drilling process. The revelation about Daniel's wife adds depth to his character and sets up future conflicts.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on the oil industry, showcasing the competitive and ruthless nature of business dealings. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-defined, with Daniel's complex personality and tragic backstory driving the scene. The Bankside family adds conflict and tension, while H.W. provides emotional depth.

Character Changes: 7

While there is some character development, particularly in Daniel's backstory and his relationship with H.W., the changes are not as pronounced in this scene. However, the groundwork is laid for future development.

Internal Goal: 8

Daniel's internal goal is to secure a deal with Mr. Bankside and convince him to sign a contract for oil drilling on his land. This reflects Daniel's desire for success in the oil business and his fear of missing out on a lucrative opportunity.

External Goal: 9

Daniel's external goal is to start drilling on Mr. Bankside's land within ten days and extract oil before the reserves dry up. This reflects the immediate challenge of securing the deal and beginning the drilling process quickly.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between Daniel and the Bankside family, as well as the internal conflict within Daniel himself, adds tension and drama to the scene. The high stakes of the oil deal increase the conflict level.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Mr. Bankside's reluctance to sign the deal creating a significant obstacle for the protagonist.

High Stakes: 9

The high stakes of the oil deal, the risks involved in drilling, and the personal losses experienced by Daniel raise the stakes significantly. The outcome of the negotiation has far-reaching consequences for all involved.

Story Forward: 8

The scene effectively moves the story forward by establishing the oil drilling operation, introducing key characters, and setting up future conflicts. It advances the narrative while providing important context.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected turn of events, such as the oil gusher and the tension between the characters.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the tension between financial gain and ethical considerations. Daniel's offer of a smaller royalty but a bonus to Mr. Bankside challenges the traditional values of fair compensation in business dealings.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene has a moderate emotional impact, particularly with the revelation of Daniel's wife's death and his relationship with H.W. The personal tragedies add depth to the characters and engage the audience.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is informative and realistic, reflecting the time period and the technical aspects of oil drilling. It effectively conveys the characters' motivations and conflicts.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the high stakes, intense dialogue, and the sense of urgency in securing the deal.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension gradually and maintaining a sense of urgency throughout.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a dialogue-heavy negotiation scene, with clear character actions and descriptions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a dramatic negotiation scene in a screenplay, building tension and conflict effectively.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes the stakes of the oil deal through Daniel's confident and assertive dialogue, which contrasts with the mild demeanor of Jim Bankside. This dynamic creates tension and highlights Daniel's aggressive business tactics.
  • The children's enthusiastic urging for their father to accept the deal adds a layer of innocence and urgency, which serves to amplify the pressure on Bankside. However, their dialogue feels somewhat clichéd and could benefit from more unique expressions of their excitement or concern.
  • Daniel's revelation about his deceased wife is a poignant moment that adds depth to his character, but it feels somewhat abrupt. The transition from the business discussion to this personal revelation could be smoother, perhaps by incorporating a more natural lead-in or emotional cue.
  • The metaphor 'The oil-game is like heaven. Everyone is called but few are chosen' is intriguing but may come off as overly dramatic or preachy. It could be more effective if it were delivered with a bit more subtlety or if it were tied more closely to the immediate stakes of the deal.
  • The scene ends with a strong visual of the oil gusher, which is a powerful image that effectively transitions to the next scene. However, the buildup to this moment could be enhanced by incorporating more sensory details or reactions from the characters, particularly the Bankside family, to heighten the impact.
Suggestions
  • Consider giving the children more distinct personalities or lines that reflect their individual perspectives on the deal, rather than a generic 'DO IT, DAD' chant. This could make their involvement feel more authentic and engaging.
  • Smooth out the transition between the business discussion and Daniel's personal story by adding a line or two that connects the two topics, perhaps reflecting on how his personal loss has shaped his business philosophy.
  • Rework the metaphor about the oil game to make it feel less like a cliché and more like a genuine insight from Daniel. Perhaps he could relate it to a personal experience or a lesson learned in his journey as an oilman.
  • Enhance the emotional weight of the scene by including more visual and auditory details during the oil gusher moment. Describe the reactions of the Bankside family and the workers to the eruption of oil, which could create a more immersive experience for the audience.
  • Consider adding a moment of hesitation or conflict within Bankside before he agrees to the deal, which could heighten the tension and make the eventual acceptance feel more earned.



Scene 9 -  The Price of Information
26 INT. PLAINVIEW AMERICA DRILLING CO. (BANKSIDE HOUSE) NIGHT 26

Inside what was the Bankside horne, Daniel and his main partner
in business: FLETCHER HAMILTON (40s) have made offices. It's
clearly been a few hard weeks of work, the horne is now dirty,
cramped, with tools, paper, etc. This has become their horne
base. Just outside the window, we see the BASE OF THE DERRICK,
invading the living room/kitchen -

H.W. sleeps on a cot in the corner, behind Daniel's desk.
OUTSIDE, we hear the drilling and yelling and all the rest of
the circus ...

A YOUNG KID (PAUL SUNDAY aged 16) knocks on the screen door,
looks inside. He is skinny, dirty, traveled, worn;

PAUL SUNDAY
rnr. plainview?

DANIEL
yes?
13



He steps inside.

PAUL SUNDAY
are you daniel plainview?

DANIEL
yes.

BEAT.

DANIEL
what can I do for you?

PAUL SUNDAY
you look for oil?

DANIEL
yes.

PAUL SUNDAY
what do you pay for a place that has it?

DANIEL
that depends.

PAUL SUNDAY
what does it depend on?

DANIEL
lots of things.

PAUL SUNDAY
If I told you I knew a place
that had oil, where land could be
bought cheaply - what do you think
that would be worth?

DANIEL
I think you'd have to let me know
what you know. And we would try
and work something out.

PAUL SUNDAY
Can I sit down?

BEAT. He sits.

PAUL SUNDAY
what church do you belong to?
14




DANIEL
r_r enjoy all faiths_! don't belong
to one church in particular - I like
them all - I like everything. Where are
you from?

PAUL SUNDAY
That would be telling you.
That's what I want to sell you.

BEAT.

DANIEL
what are you doing in Signal Hill?

PAUL SUNDAY
.........we have oil and it seeps through the
ground -- do you want to pay me
to know where it is?

DANIEL
just because there's something on the ground
doesn't mean there's anything beneath it.

PAUL SUNDAY
...why did Standard Oil buy up land?

BEAT. Paul just looks at him;

DANIEL
Is it in California?

PAUL SUNDAY
maybe.

DANIEL
How much land did they buy?

PAUL SUNDAY
I'd like it better if you didn't
think I was stupid.

DANIEL
...why did you come to me?

PAUL SUNDAY
You just brought this well in.

DANIEL
that's right.
15



PAUL SUNDAY
yeah, so: just give me five hundred dollars
in cash right now and I'll tell you
where it is.

DANIEL
I'll give you one hundred dollars now
and if it looks like a promising lease,
I'll give you a thousand dollar bonus.

PAUL SUNDAY
Six hundred dollars.

DANIEL
tell me one thing to help me decide:
what else do you have up there?
what do you grow?

PAUL SUNDAY
We have a big ranch, but it's mostly rocks.
you plant things, nothing grows but weeds -
what makes you think it's up?

FLETCHER
is there sulphur around or alkali deposits?

PAUL SUNDAY
Alkali nearby. I don't know sulphur.

H.W. wakes up in the b.g., behind Daniel's desk and looks at the
scene, sees the boy, looks around... Paul looks from H. W. to
Daniel;

PAUL SUNDAY
Is that your son?

DANIEL
yes.

PAUL SUNDAY
Hi.

H.W.
Hi.

PAUL SUNDAY (to Fletcher)
Who are you?

FLETCHER
My name is Fletcher Hamilton.
nice to meet you, Paul.
16




PAUL SUNDAY
What do you do?

FLETCHER
I work with Mr. Plainview.

DANIEL
four hundred dollars_

PAUL SUNDAY
It's six now.
I'm leaving my home for good,
so I need this -- I want six
hundred dollars. give it to me
or I'll go somewhere else.

Daniel reaches into his pocket - he has $300 - Fletcher gets out
an envelope and gives him another $300.

PAUL SUNDAY
I come from a town called Little Boston
in Isabella County.

ANGLE, MOMENTS LATER.
They have a map spread out and tacked up on the wall. DANIEL,
FLETCHER, HW and PAUL over it as he points.

PAUL SUNDAY
this is us here. spur station
here at Little Boston. The Sunday
ranch is what you're looking for.
There's a sheep trail that leads you
there - it's a mile from town heading
west - not far. just through a small
pass - near the base of the hills.
follow the sheep trail.

DANIEL
And where did Standard buy up?

PAUL SUNDAY
Here and here.

he points to an area about thirty miles north west.

DANIEL
your family's name is Sunday?

PAUL SUNDAY
that's right.
17


DANIEL
how many in your family?

PAUL SUNDAY
My father and mother and and my sisters
and my younger brother, Eli.

H.W.
How many sisters do you have?

PAUL SUNDAY
Two. Mary and Ruth.

DANIEL
What's your name?

PAUL SUNDAY
Paul.

FLETCHER
Does your family know about the oil
that you say is there?

PAUL SUNDAY
I don't know. My Uncle always said
there was oil there - but I don't
know what they heard or what they think.

FLETCHER
what do you grow?

PAUL SUNDAY
it's goats. a goat farm. I told you:
there's nothing grows up there but weeds.

FLETCHER
water?

PAUL SUNDAY
it's salty. you drill a well,
it hard not to get salt water.
(beat)
The oil is there. I'm telling you.

BEAT.

PAUL SUNDAY
I wanna go now. so: good luck to you.

DANIEL
you can stay here tonight
18


PAUL SUNDAY
No. I wanna go now. I wanna leave.

Daniel walks over to him.

DANIEL
If I travel all the way there and
I find out that you're a liar,
I'll find you and I'll take more than
my money back, is that alright with you?

PAUL SUNDAY
yessir.

BEAT.

PAUL SUNDAY
nice luck to you. good bye.

He leaves. HOLD with Daniel, Fletcher and HW.

FLETCHER
you know there was an earthquake up
there a few days ago ...
(beat)
Anything he's seeing on the ground
could just be loose stuff set free~

HOLD.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama","Historical"]

Summary In a tense late-night negotiation, Daniel Plainview and his partner Fletcher Hamilton meet young Paul Sunday, who offers to sell information about cheap oil land. After some back-and-forth, Daniel agrees to pay $600 for the details, which Paul shares while revealing his family's ranch. The scene is marked by suspicion as Daniel warns Paul about the dangers of deceit, leaving the atmosphere charged as Paul departs and H.W. sleeps nearby.
Strengths
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Introduction of new character
  • Tension and negotiation dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Limited emotional impact
  • Some repetitive dialogue

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene is well-written, introducing a new character and setting up a potential plot point. The dialogue is engaging and the tension between the characters is palpable.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of negotiating for information about oil adds depth to the story and sets up potential conflicts and developments. It introduces a new element that can drive the plot forward.

Plot: 8.5

The plot is advanced through the introduction of Paul Sunday and the negotiation over oil information. It adds complexity and intrigue to the story.

Originality: 8.5

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the theme of oil drilling and business negotiations, presenting a unique perspective on the challenges and conflicts faced by the characters. The authenticity of the dialogue and character actions adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters, especially Paul Sunday and Daniel Plainview, are well-developed in this scene. Their motivations and dynamics are clear and set the stage for future interactions.

Character Changes: 7

There is a subtle shift in the dynamics between Paul Sunday and Daniel Plainview as they negotiate. Paul's introduction changes the trajectory of the story.

Internal Goal: 8

Daniel's internal goal in this scene is to assess the potential oil discovery presented by Paul Sunday and negotiate a deal that benefits him. This reflects his desire for success, wealth, and power in the oil business.

External Goal: 7.5

Daniel's external goal is to secure the location of the oil reserve and potentially expand his drilling operations. This goal reflects his immediate challenge of finding new sources of oil to maintain his business's growth.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

There is a moderate level of conflict in the scene, primarily centered around the negotiation between Paul Sunday and Daniel Plainview. The tension adds depth to the interaction.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Paul Sunday presenting a challenge to Daniel's authority and business acumen. The uncertainty of Paul's intentions adds to the tension and conflict in the scene.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in the negotiation over valuable oil information. The outcome of this interaction could have significant implications for the characters and the story.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by introducing a new character, setting up a potential conflict, and advancing the plot with the negotiation over oil information.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting power dynamics between the characters, the uncertain outcome of the negotiation, and the mystery surrounding the oil reserve. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how the situation will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the value of information and trust. Paul Sunday's offer to sell the location of the oil reserve challenges Daniel's beliefs about the importance of honesty and integrity in business dealings.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

While there is tension and curiosity in the scene, the emotional impact is not as pronounced. The focus is more on the negotiation and plot development.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is a strength of the scene, driving the negotiation and revealing character traits. It keeps the audience engaged and adds depth to the interactions.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense dialogue exchanges, high stakes negotiation, and the mystery surrounding the potential oil discovery. The dynamic between the characters keeps the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged in the negotiation and character interactions. The rhythm of the dialogue adds to the scene's effectiveness.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions, character actions, and dialogue cues that enhance the reader's understanding of the setting and character interactions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format that effectively builds tension and develops the conflict between the characters. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the scene's effectiveness.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes a tense negotiation between Daniel and Paul Sunday, showcasing Daniel's business acumen and Paul’s desperation. However, the dialogue can feel a bit stilted at times, particularly in the exchanges where Paul is trying to sell information. The back-and-forth could benefit from more subtext and emotional stakes to heighten the tension.
  • The character of Paul Sunday is introduced as a young, worn traveler, but his motivations could be more clearly defined. While he expresses a desire for money, the scene lacks depth in exploring why he is so eager to sell this information. Adding a line or two that hints at his family's struggles or his own aspirations could make him a more sympathetic character.
  • The setting of the Bankside house as a makeshift office is well-established, but the clutter and chaos could be used more effectively to reflect the tension in the scene. For instance, incorporating more sensory details about the environment—like the sounds of drilling or the smell of oil—could enhance the atmosphere and immerse the audience further into the scene.
  • The introduction of H.W. sleeping in the corner is a nice touch, but it could be leveraged more dramatically. For example, having H.W. wake up at a critical moment during the negotiation could add an emotional layer to Daniel's character, showing his dual role as a father and a businessman.
  • The dialogue between Daniel and Paul is functional but lacks a sense of urgency. The stakes of the negotiation could be raised by having Daniel express more frustration or impatience with Paul's evasiveness. This would create a more dynamic interaction and keep the audience engaged.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more emotional depth to Paul Sunday’s character by including a line that hints at his family's struggles or his own aspirations, making his desperation more relatable.
  • Enhance the sensory details in the scene to create a more immersive atmosphere. Describe the sounds of drilling, the smell of oil, or the cramped conditions of the makeshift office to reflect the tension and chaos of the situation.
  • Introduce a moment where H.W. wakes up during the negotiation, perhaps reacting to the tension in the room, which could add emotional stakes for Daniel and highlight his responsibilities as a father.
  • Revise the dialogue to include more subtext and emotional stakes. For example, have Daniel express frustration or impatience with Paul’s evasiveness to create a more dynamic interaction.
  • Consider using the cluttered environment as a metaphor for the chaotic nature of the oil business, perhaps by having Daniel interact with the mess in a way that reflects his mental state during the negotiation.



Scene 10 -  A Chance Encounter in Little Boston
27 EXT. TRAIN DEPOT/LITTLE BOSTON, CALIFORNIA- LATE DAY. 27

CAMERA looks down a long stretch of TRAIN TRACKS that cuts
across a dry, flat, empty valley floor.

We can see, in the distance, the faint trace of DANIEL and HW
driving in their CAR on a road that runs parallel to the
tracks. They bounce up and down, dust trail behind them- we PAN
WITH THEM AS THEY ARRIVE AT:

28 THE TRAIN DEPOT OF LITTLE BOSTON. We see some small, rolling 28
hills in the distance~

They PARK THEIR CAR next to the SPUR STATION, UNLOAD SOME
CAMPING EQUPIMENT FROM THEIR CAR and start walking off ...we see
the TOWN OF LITTLE BOSTON NEARBY ...

DANIEL and HW walk the road on the outskirts of town
and towards the hills --
19


CUT TO:


29 EXT. SHEEP ROAD/BASE OF HILLS- DUSK. 29

They're walking with the HEAVY CAMPING EQUIPMENT.

H.W. starts to fall a bit, with the camping equipment, Daniel
catches him, props him up a bit;

DANIEL
Alright?

HW
yeah.

They walk some more until Daniel sees something coming up ahead
in the distance, says to HW;

DANIEL
Remember your silence ... (walk beside me,
not behind me.)

CAMERA PANS LFT, becomes THEIR POV: Coming towards them, from
the distance is a MAN. This is ABEL SUNDAY (50s) He is very
frail, small, worn;

ABEL SUNDAY
Good evening.

DANIEL
Good evening.

They gain ground, get closer. THREE SHOT. HOLD.

DANIEL
My name is Daniel Plainview. This is my son HW.

ABEL SUNDAY
Are you hunting?

DANIEL
We're hunting for quail. We were told
there might be a good place to camp up
here near the Sunday ranch ...

ABEL SUNDAY
This is the Sunday ranch. you can camp here.

DANIEL
do you have water?
20


ABEL SUNDAY
Yes.

They arrive at each other.

ABEL SUNDAY
(extends his hand)
I am Abel Sunday.

DANIEL
Pleasure to meet you.
We heard there was an earthquake here
a few days ago is that right?

ABEL SUNDAY
Yes.

DANIEL
Your family?

ABEL SUNDAY
Yeah, all fine, thank you.
We've got some milk if you'd like,
goat's milk up at the ranch if that's ok...

DANIEL
That'd be fine.

They continue to chat as they walk up the road. IN the distance
are some minor rolling hills •.. they head around a bend... and we
see a CHURCH ON A HILL...

DISSOLVE TO:
Genres: ["Drama","Western"]

Summary Daniel and HW arrive at the train depot in Little Boston, California, and begin their journey into the hills. HW struggles with the heavy camping equipment, but Daniel encourages him to stay close. They meet Abel Sunday, a frail man who offers them a place to camp on his ranch and reassures Daniel about his family's safety after a recent earthquake. Their conversation flows from camping plans to discussions about water and goat's milk, creating a cautious yet friendly atmosphere as they walk towards the church on a hill.
Strengths
  • Engaging character interactions
  • Tension-building dialogue
  • Intriguing introduction of new character
Weaknesses
  • Lack of significant character development
  • Limited emotional impact

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively introduces a new character and builds tension through dialogue and setting. The interaction between Daniel, HW, and Abel Sunday is engaging and sets the stage for future developments.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene, focusing on a chance meeting at the Sunday Ranch, is intriguing and sets the stage for future plot developments. The introduction of Abel Sunday adds depth to the story.

Plot: 8.5

The plot of the scene is engaging, with the introduction of a new character and the hint of potential conflict or alliances in the future. The scene moves the story forward by expanding the world of the narrative.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the familiar theme of survival in the wilderness by focusing on the nuances of social interaction and trust-building. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds depth to the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters in the scene, particularly Daniel, HW, and Abel Sunday, are well-developed and engaging. Their interactions reveal aspects of their personalities and hint at future dynamics.

Character Changes: 7

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the introduction of Abel Sunday hints at potential shifts in dynamics and alliances in the future. The characters are subtly affected by the new encounter.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to establish a connection with Abel Sunday and secure a place to camp near the Sunday ranch. This reflects Daniel's need for resources and his desire to navigate social interactions effectively.

External Goal: 7.5

The protagonist's external goal is to find a good place to camp near the Sunday ranch and obtain water for their camping trip. This goal reflects the immediate challenge of survival and resource acquisition in the wilderness.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7.5

The conflict in the scene is subtle but present, as the characters navigate a new encounter and establish their positions. The tension between Daniel and Abel Sunday hints at potential conflicts to come.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is moderate, with subtle conflicts and power dynamics between Daniel and Abel Sunday. The audience is kept on edge by the uncertainty of their interaction.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes in the scene are moderate, as the characters navigate a new encounter and establish connections. The potential conflicts and alliances hinted at in the scene raise the stakes for future events.

Story Forward: 8

The scene effectively moves the story forward by introducing a new character and setting up potential future plot developments. The meeting at the Sunday Ranch expands the world of the narrative and hints at upcoming conflicts.

Unpredictability: 7.5

This scene is unpredictable because of the subtle shifts in power dynamics and the underlying tension between Daniel and Abel Sunday. The audience is left uncertain about the outcome of their interaction.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the themes of hospitality, trust, and self-reliance. Daniel's interactions with Abel Sunday highlight the tension between self-sufficiency and dependence on others for resources and support.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7.5

The scene has a moderate emotional impact, as the characters navigate a new encounter and establish connections. The tension and mystery in the scene evoke curiosity and engagement from the audience.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue in the scene is well-crafted, with natural exchanges that reveal information about the characters and their motivations. The dialogue builds tension and sets the tone for future interactions.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its slow-burn tension, subtle character dynamics, and the anticipation of what will unfold between Daniel and Abel Sunday. The dialogue and pacing keep the audience invested in the interaction.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by allowing the tension to build gradually through the characters' dialogue and interactions. The rhythm of the scene enhances the sense of unease and anticipation.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene's formatting adheres to industry standards for screenplay format, with clear scene headings, action lines, and dialogue formatting. The visual descriptions enhance the reader's immersion in the setting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with a gradual buildup of tension and conflict. The pacing and formatting align with the expected format for a character-driven drama.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes a sense of place and introduces a new character, Abel Sunday, who will likely play a significant role in the story. The dialogue is natural and flows well, allowing for a smooth introduction to the characters and their intentions.
  • However, the pacing feels a bit slow, particularly in the transition from the car to the conversation with Abel. While it's important to establish the setting, consider tightening the dialogue or adding more action to maintain momentum.
  • The dialogue between Daniel and Abel is functional but lacks depth. It serves to convey necessary information, but it could benefit from subtext or emotional stakes. For instance, Daniel's inquiry about Abel's family could lead to a more profound discussion about the impact of the earthquake, revealing more about their characters and the world they inhabit.
  • The scene could also explore Daniel's character more. His interactions with H.W. and Abel are polite, but they don't reveal much about his personality or motivations. Adding a layer of tension or conflict, even subtly, could enhance the scene's impact.
  • The visual elements are strong, particularly the description of the landscape and the church on the hill. However, consider incorporating more sensory details to immerse the audience further in the environment. What do they hear, smell, or feel as they walk? This could enhance the atmosphere and emotional resonance of the scene.
Suggestions
  • Consider tightening the dialogue to maintain a brisker pace. You could cut unnecessary pleasantries or streamline the conversation to focus on key points.
  • Add subtext to the dialogue to reveal more about the characters' motivations and emotions. For example, Daniel could express a hint of skepticism or curiosity about Abel's offer of hospitality, hinting at his cautious nature.
  • Incorporate more sensory details to enrich the scene. Describe the sounds of the environment, the heat of the day, or the texture of the ground they walk on to create a more immersive experience.
  • Explore Daniel's character further by introducing a moment of internal conflict or tension. Perhaps he hesitates before accepting Abel's offer, revealing his wariness of strangers or his past experiences.
  • Consider foreshadowing future events or conflicts through the dialogue or actions in this scene. For instance, Abel could mention something about the land or the church that hints at deeper issues that will arise later in the story.



Scene 11 -  Camping Tensions
30 EXT. SUNDAY RANCH/MOMENTS LATER. 30

The three men come up to the small, very run down HOME.
Standing, waiting outside is the SUNDAY FAMILY:

MOTHER SUNDAY (50s) RUTH SUNDAY (aged 12) MARY SUNDAY (aged 7)

and a very skinny, man/boy, the son: ELI SUNDAY (aged 18)

They make introductions, say hello, etc. About fifty yards from
the house is a large oak tree;

DANIEL
Can we set a tent over here?
we'll be out of your way here
21


ABEL SUNDAY
that's fine. Eli, help this boy right now
and get them some water.

HW
I've got it.

HW goes off to get some water. Eli just stands.

ABEL SUNDAY
Mr. Plainview- would you like that milk now?

DANIEL
That's fine thank you.

ABEL SUNDAY
Go, Mary. Ruth help them with their tent --

DANIEL
No, please. We set ourselves on this camping
trip, we've got to do the camping.

ABEL SUNDAY
The eggs, Ruth.

Ruth goes off to get some eggs. HW comes back with some water;

DANIEL
Do you have any bread?

ABEL SUNDAY
We have potatoes.

DANIEL
Potatoes would be nice, thank you.

ABEL SUNDAY
I'll have them boil you up
some potatoes.

DANIEL
That's alright, I thought maybe we'd
make a fire. I wanted to work with my
son on making a fire.

ABEL SUNDAY
Eli, would you get them some wood?

Eli reluctantly goes off to get some wood, Daniel walks over to
Abel, extends his hand;
22


DANIEL
Thank you for your hospitality, Abel.
we'll stay out of your way, just
hunting quail -

ABEL SUNDAY
I'm sorry we don't have any bread.
Corn just doesn't fill out in the hills here.
It's mostly rock and we don't have room
to raise the grain ......

They chat a bit more as -- DISSOLVE TO:
Genres: ["Drama","Historical"]

Summary In a rundown family home, Daniel Plainview and his son HW arrive to set up camp, greeted by the Sunday family. Daniel requests to pitch a tent away from the house and asks for basic supplies, while Abel Sunday offers limited hospitality. Eli Sunday shows reluctance in helping with tasks, reflecting the family's struggles with their land. The scene captures the tension between Daniel's desire for independence and the Sunday family's eagerness to assist, ending with a conversation about farming challenges.
Strengths
  • Authentic dialogue
  • Strong character interactions
  • Effective establishment of setting and themes
Weaknesses
  • Low conflict level
  • Limited plot progression

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively establishes the setting, introduces new characters, and highlights the cultural norms of the time. The dialogue is engaging and reveals character dynamics.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of hospitality and self-sufficiency in a historical context is well-developed and adds depth to the characters and setting.

Plot: 7.5

While the plot does not advance significantly in this scene, it sets up potential conflicts and alliances that could impact future events.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the theme of survival and self-sufficiency in a rural setting. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and original.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters are well-defined through their interactions and dialogue, showcasing their values and personalities. Daniel Plainview's respect for the Sunday family and their way of life is evident.

Character Changes: 5

There is minimal character change in this scene, but it sets up potential growth or conflict for the characters in future events.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to bond with his son and teach him survival skills. This reflects his deeper desire for connection and passing on knowledge to the next generation.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to hunt quail and set up camp. This reflects the immediate circumstances of their camping trip and the challenges of survival in a rural environment.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 5

There is a low level of conflict in this scene, primarily centered around cultural differences and potential misunderstandings.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create conflict and challenge the protagonist's goals, adding depth to the narrative.

High Stakes: 4

The stakes are relatively low in this scene, focusing more on establishing relationships and cultural dynamics.

Story Forward: 6

While the scene does not significantly move the main plot forward, it establishes new relationships and potential plot developments.

Unpredictability: 6

This scene is unpredictable because of the subtle conflicts and power dynamics between the characters, keeping the audience guessing about their motivations and intentions.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

There is a philosophical conflict between the protagonist's desire for self-sufficiency and the Sunday family's reliance on limited resources. This challenges the protagonist's worldview of independence and abundance.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The scene evokes a sense of respect and gratitude, but the emotional impact is not particularly strong.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is engaging and reveals the cultural differences between Daniel Plainview and the Sunday family. It also sets up potential conflicts and alliances.

Engagement: 7

This scene is engaging because of the dynamic interactions between characters and the sense of tension between the protagonist and the Sunday family.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and developing character relationships, with a natural flow of dialogue and action.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene headings and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a character-driven drama, with clear character motivations and interactions driving the narrative forward.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes the Sunday family's humble living conditions and their willingness to help Daniel and H.W. However, the dialogue feels somewhat stilted and lacks natural flow. The characters' interactions could benefit from more subtext and emotional depth, allowing the audience to feel the tension between Daniel's assertiveness and the Sundays' reluctance.
  • Eli's reluctance to help is mentioned but not fully explored. This could be an opportunity to develop his character further, perhaps by showing his internal conflict or resentment towards his family's situation. Adding a line or two that hints at Eli's feelings could enhance the scene's emotional weight.
  • The scene's pacing is uneven. The dialogue exchanges feel rushed, particularly when Daniel is asking for food and water. Slowing down the rhythm of the conversation could allow for more meaningful exchanges and give the audience time to absorb the characters' dynamics.
  • The visual elements, such as the large oak tree and the rundown home, are mentioned but not fully utilized in the scene. Incorporating more descriptive language about the setting could enhance the atmosphere and provide a stronger sense of place, making the audience feel more immersed in the environment.
  • The transition to the dissolve feels abrupt. A more gradual shift or a stronger narrative connection between the two scenes could help maintain continuity and keep the audience engaged.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more subtext to the dialogue, allowing characters to express their feelings indirectly. This can create tension and intrigue, making the interactions more engaging.
  • Explore Eli's character further by including a line that hints at his feelings about helping Daniel and H.W. This could add depth to his character and create a more complex family dynamic.
  • Slow down the pacing of the dialogue to allow for more meaningful exchanges. This can help the audience connect with the characters and their struggles.
  • Enhance the visual descriptions of the setting to create a stronger sense of place. Use sensory details to immerse the audience in the environment and evoke emotions related to the characters' circumstances.
  • Consider revising the transition to the dissolve to create a smoother narrative flow. This could involve adding a line that connects the conversation to the next scene, maintaining the audience's engagement.



Scene 12 -  Faith by Firelight
31 INT. SUNDAY RANCH/NIGHT - LATER. 31

DANIEL and HW and ABEL SUNDAY sit close to the FIRE.
Just back a bit, on stones, sits the rest of the FAMILY and ELI.
Abel directs the girls to clear and wash their dishes - they
collect the dishes, and then;

ABEL SUNDAY
Brother, may I ask you a personal question?

DANIEL
Yes.

ABEL SUNDAY
Are you saved?

DANIEL
... yes ...

ABEL SUNDAY
And you've been washed in Blood?

DANIEL
Yes, brother. We've been washed.

ABEL SUNDAY
What is your church?

DANIEL
Our church is called The Church of the World.

ABEL SUNDAY
I don't know that Church. I don't know
what their message is --

DANIEL
Yes.
23




ABEL SUNDAY
Can you tell me about the message of the
Church of the World?

DANIEL
Well, Brother Abel, we are told in the Book
not to discuss our faith with stangers.
Even if they're so nice and helpful.

ABEL SUNDAY
We're told in our book, uThe Lord
has called us to preach the Gospel
unto them."

DANIEL
Yes, that's right. uAnd the Gospel must
first be published among all nations."

ABEL SUNDAY
That's right!

DANIEL
But according to our faith, we believe
that we get to know a man through friendship
and business - and we talk about faith later.

ELI speaks up;

ELI
May I ask a question?

DANIEL
Yes, Eli?

ELI
What does your Church teach about earthquakes?

DANIEL
About the earthquakes? Like the
earthquake you had up here?
(beat)
We are taught that it is God's mighty power.

ABEL SUNDAY
My son is a healer and a vessel
for the Holy Spirit. He has a church ...
24



ELI
Our earthquake means that the Holy
Spirit has grown weary of drunkeness and
lying in the world.
(beat)
Have you been doing any of these things?

H.W.
No we haven't.

DANIEL (to Eli)
No, son. We haven't.

ELI
thank you.

No one seems to know what to say next, so they stand and say
good night and head back to their house. Daniel, H.W. get inside
their tent.

DISSOLVE TO:
Genres: ["Drama","Western"]

Summary At the Sunday Ranch, Daniel, H.W., and Abel Sunday engage in a tense nighttime conversation around a fire about faith and salvation. Abel questions Daniel's beliefs, while Eli challenges him with thoughts on earthquakes as signs of divine displeasure. The discussion reveals their differing views on faith and the importance of friendship in navigating such topics. As the night concludes, the group parts ways without reaching a consensus, leaving their beliefs unresolved.
Strengths
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Exploration of faith and belief
  • Character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Limited plot progression
  • Subdued emotional impact

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively delves into themes of faith and belief through engaging dialogue and character interactions, creating a tense and introspective atmosphere.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring faith and belief in a Western setting is intriguing and well-executed in the scene, adding depth to the characters and the overall narrative.

Plot: 7.5

While the plot progression is minimal in this scene, the focus on character dynamics and thematic exploration adds depth to the overall story.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to discussing faith and religion, focusing on the personal convictions of the characters. The dialogue feels authentic and thought-provoking.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed and their beliefs and values are effectively portrayed through dialogue and interactions, adding layers to the narrative.

Character Changes: 7

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the exploration of faith and belief may lead to internal shifts in the characters' perspectives.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to navigate a conversation about faith and religion without revealing too much about his own beliefs. This reflects his need for privacy and protection of his personal convictions.

External Goal: 6

The protagonist's external goal is to maintain a polite and respectful conversation with Abel Sunday and his family. This reflects the immediate challenge of interacting with people of different beliefs.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

The conflict in the scene is more internal and philosophical, revolving around differing beliefs and perspectives rather than external action.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting beliefs and values creating tension and conflict.

High Stakes: 5

The stakes in the scene are more personal and philosophical, centered around faith and belief, rather than external conflicts or dangers.

Story Forward: 6

The scene provides insight into the characters' beliefs and values, but does not significantly advance the main plot.

Unpredictability: 6

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected turns in the conversation and the characters' differing beliefs.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict is evident in the differing approaches to sharing and discussing faith. Abel Sunday believes in openly preaching the Gospel, while Daniel believes in building relationships first before discussing faith.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a sense of introspection and tension, but the emotional impact is more subdued compared to other scenes with higher stakes.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is engaging, thought-provoking, and drives the exploration of faith and belief in the scene, showcasing the characters' perspectives and values.

Engagement: 8

This scene is engaging because of the deep philosophical discussions and tension between characters.

Pacing: 7

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by allowing for contemplative moments and tension to build.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 7

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear dialogue and scene descriptions.

Structure: 7

The scene follows a traditional format for a dialogue-driven scene, with clear character interactions and progression.


Critique
  • The dialogue in this scene feels somewhat stilted and lacks natural flow. While the characters are discussing faith, the exchanges can come off as overly scripted, which detracts from the authenticity of their interactions. Consider incorporating more subtext or emotional undertones to make the conversation feel more genuine and less like a recitation of beliefs.
  • The scene's pacing is uneven, particularly in the dialogue exchanges. Some lines feel drawn out, which can lead to a loss of tension. For example, the back-and-forth about the church could be tightened to maintain engagement. Shortening responses or interjecting with more dynamic reactions could enhance the rhythm.
  • The character of Eli feels underdeveloped in this scene. While he interjects with a question, his motivations and personality are not fully explored. Adding more depth to Eli's character could create a more compelling dynamic between him and Daniel, especially given the tension surrounding their differing beliefs.
  • The setting around the fire is visually interesting, but the scene could benefit from more descriptive elements that evoke the atmosphere. Incorporating sensory details about the fire, the night, and the surroundings could enhance the mood and immerse the audience in the moment.
  • The conclusion of the scene feels abrupt. After the conversation, the characters simply stand and say goodnight without any emotional resolution or lingering tension. A more impactful ending could involve a moment of reflection or a lingering look that hints at the underlying conflict between their beliefs.
Suggestions
  • Revise the dialogue to include more natural speech patterns and emotional subtext. Consider how each character's beliefs influence their tone and body language, and allow for pauses or interruptions that reflect real conversation dynamics.
  • Tighten the pacing by condensing some of the dialogue exchanges. Focus on key points that reveal character motivations and beliefs without excessive repetition.
  • Develop Eli's character further by giving him more lines that reveal his personality and motivations. Perhaps he could express a personal stake in the conversation that adds depth to his interactions with Daniel.
  • Enhance the setting description to create a more vivid atmosphere. Use sensory details to describe the warmth of the fire, the sounds of the night, and the physical sensations of the characters to draw the audience into the scene.
  • Consider adding a moment of tension or unresolved conflict at the end of the scene. This could be a lingering look between Daniel and Eli or a line that hints at future confrontations, leaving the audience wanting to know more about their relationship.



Scene 13 -  Dawn Discovery
32 EXT. SUNDAY RANCH - DAWN 32

DANIEL and HW put out their morning fire, collect their HUNTING
GEAR and head off

CUT TO:

33 EXT. HILLS NEARBY/CANYON - MORNING. 33

CAMERA leads/follows them as they move ... H.W. and DANIEL carrying
their shotguns ...while they HUNT QUAIL.

DANIEL fires first. We follow H.W. -- watch him SHOOT.

ANOTHER ANGLE.
The same thing. HW raises the GUN and shoots, hitting another.

DANIEL
Go get 'em.

H.W. runs off.

In running to retrieve the quail he steps in something and
stumbles a bit. He stops, turns back - recognizes something and
slowly moves towards it --

CU. H.W
he looks closer. BEAT. He looks down towards his shoes. THEN;
25


ANGLE, HW.
He runs back to his Father.

HW
Dad.

DANIEL
What?

HW
Look at my shoe.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama","Western"]

Summary At dawn, Daniel and H.W. embark on a quail hunting expedition in the serene hills near their ranch. After Daniel fires the first shot, H.W. successfully shoots a quail and excitedly runs to retrieve it. However, he stumbles upon something unusual on the ground, prompting him to return to Daniel to share his discovery. The scene captures the father-son bond amidst the thrill of the hunt, ending with H.W. calling out to Daniel, filled with curiosity.
Strengths
  • Effective tension-building
  • Compelling character dynamics
  • Intriguing plot development
Weaknesses
  • Limited external conflict
  • Potential for more nuanced dialogue

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively builds tension and mystery through the hunting activity, the son's discovery, and the father's reaction, keeping the audience engaged and curious.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a father-son hunting trip turning mysterious and tense adds depth to the characters and plot, creating a compelling moment in the story.

Plot: 8.5

The plot progression in this scene is crucial as it introduces a new element of mystery and tension, setting the stage for potential conflicts and character development.

Originality: 8

The scene presents a fresh approach to the traditional hunting narrative by focusing on the emotional dynamics between father and son, and exploring themes of validation and acceptance.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters of Daniel and H.W. are further developed through their interactions during the hunting trip, showcasing their relationship dynamics and individual reactions to the discovery.

Character Changes: 8

Both Daniel and H.W. experience a shift in their relationship dynamics and individual perspectives due to the discovery, hinting at potential character growth and conflicts in the future.

Internal Goal: 8

H.W.'s internal goal is to prove himself to his father and gain his approval. This reflects his deeper need for validation and acceptance from his father.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to successfully hunt quail and demonstrate his hunting skills. This reflects the immediate challenge of proving his worth in a practical sense.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7.5

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, as the discovery made by H.W. creates tension and uncertainty between him and his father, setting the stage for potential external conflicts.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create conflict and challenge the protagonist's goals, adding complexity and depth to the narrative.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are raised as the discovery made by H.W. could potentially impact the father-son relationship, the plot progression, and the overall narrative direction.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by introducing a new mystery and tension, setting the stage for future developments and conflicts.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected turn of events with H.W. stepping in something and discovering something significant.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between the traditional values of hunting and masculinity, and the modern values of environmental conservation and animal rights. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs about his role in nature and his relationship to the environment.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes emotions of tension, curiosity, and concern, drawing the audience into the father-son relationship and the unfolding mystery.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the tension and mystery, adding depth to the characters and setting the tone for the unfolding events.

Engagement: 8

This scene is engaging because of its focus on character relationships, emotional stakes, and visual storytelling.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the characters' journey.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of the scene is clear and concise, following industry standards for screenplay format.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with a setup, conflict, and resolution, effectively building tension and character development.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes a sense of adventure and bonding between Daniel and H.W. through the act of hunting, which is a significant activity in their lives. However, the transition from the previous scene to this one feels abrupt. A smoother transition could enhance the flow of the narrative.
  • The dialogue is minimal, which can be effective in conveying the quiet moments of the hunt. However, adding a few more lines of dialogue or internal thoughts from Daniel or H.W. could deepen the emotional connection and provide insight into their relationship and the significance of the hunting trip.
  • The moment when H.W. stumbles upon something intriguing is a strong narrative device, but it lacks a clear buildup or foreshadowing. The audience may benefit from a hint of what H.W. might find, creating anticipation and tension leading up to the reveal.
  • The scene's visual elements are strong, with the imagery of the dawn and the act of hunting creating a vivid backdrop. However, the description of H.W.'s actions could be more dynamic. Instead of simply stating he stumbles, consider describing his reaction or the environment around him to enhance the visual storytelling.
  • The emotional tone of the scene is somewhat flat. While the act of hunting can be exhilarating, the scene could benefit from capturing the excitement or tension of the hunt, especially when H.W. successfully shoots a quail. This could be contrasted with the moment of discovery to heighten the emotional stakes.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of reflection or conversation between Daniel and H.W. before they start hunting, which could provide context for their relationship and the significance of this activity.
  • Introduce subtle hints or foreshadowing about what H.W. might find on his shoe to build anticipation and intrigue for the audience.
  • Enhance the description of H.W.'s stumble by incorporating sensory details about the environment, such as the texture of the ground or the sounds around them, to create a more immersive experience.
  • Incorporate more dynamic action or emotional reactions during the hunting sequence to elevate the excitement and tension, particularly when H.W. successfully shoots a quail.
  • Consider concluding the scene with a stronger emotional beat, perhaps by having Daniel react to H.W.'s discovery in a way that reflects their relationship or sets up future conflicts or themes.



Scene 14 -  Discovery of Potential Wealth
34 EXT. FIELD - MOMENTS LATER. 34

They stand over a minor PATCH OF TAR/OIL SLICK that bubbles on
the surface ... DANIEL is kneeling over it, dips a stick into it,
moves it about, looks at it against the light -

ANGLE, CU. DANIEL.
He takes out a box of matches and attempts to light the stick
on fire. Nothing.

ANGLE. CU. THE OIL.
He moves to another area of the oil slick and dips the stick in
again, takes some out, strikes match and it FLAMES. HOLD.

DANIEL
This is earthquake stuff set loose.

CUT TO:

35 EXT. NEARBY HILL - MOMENTS LATER 35

CAMERA behind them as they climb up on top of a small hill,
CAMERA rises above them and reveals the landscape; rolling
hills. rocky and dusty and rough. not pretty. They look over the
place. HOLD.

35A ANGLE, MOMENTS LATER. 35A
They're walking, DANIEL is feeling the ground beneath his feet.
SOUND SEQUENCE. Feel of the footsteps, crunch, etc.

CUT TO:

FOSS/ COMING ACROSS THE ABANDONED RANCH HOUSE HERE?
26


36 EXT. BANDY RANCH/NEARBY CANYON - LATER 36

They come upon a SMALL, RUNDOWN HOME at the base of some of the
MOUNTAINS in canyon. Off to the side, in a run down PEN are some
PIGS.

There is a POOL OF FOUL SMELLING SULPHUR WATER surrounding
the pen, THEY COVER THEIR FACES, LOOK AROUND;

DANIEL
He puts his pigs here - near the sulphur water
to kill their fleas and cure the mange.
This is a nice place to drill. This is your
pay sand.

ANGLE, BANDY HOUSE.
They move to the house ... knock and get no answer ... they OPEN THE
DOOR. ..

DANIEL
Hello?

36A INSIDE, UPON THE WALLS, THERE ARE RELIGIOUS ARTIFACTS. 36A
Crucifixions, portraits of MARY, etc. A small ALTAR with
CANDLES.

DANIEL and H.W. take a good look, then exit

CUT TO:

37 EXT. HILLS. LATER/LATE AFTERNOON. 37

They walk/talk quickly, carrying the quail;

DANIEL
so ...

HW
so ...

DANIEL
so-so. if there's anything here ...we take it
to the sea -- we can go into town and see
a map - but what we do - we take a pipeline
from here to Port Hueneme or Santa Paula and
we make a deal with Union Oil - this is what
we do and we don't need the railroads
and the shipping costs anymore, you see?
27

HW
yeah.

DANIEL
you see that?

HW
yes.

DANIEL
and then we're making money.
we make the real money that we
should be making and we're not
throwing it away -- otherwise it's just mud.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama","Western"]

Summary In this scene, Daniel and H.W. stumble upon an oil slick in a field, leading Daniel to experiment with igniting it, which he believes is linked to earthquakes. They explore a nearby rundown ranch house, observing pigs treated with sulfur water and finding religious artifacts inside. Daniel shares his ambitious plans for a pipeline to transport the oil, highlighting the potential for profit from their discovery, all while maintaining a tone of curiosity and determination.
Strengths
  • Effective introduction of oil discovery
  • Strong character development for Daniel
  • Engaging dialogue and visuals
Weaknesses
  • Limited emotional impact
  • Lack of significant character changes

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively sets up the discovery of oil, introduces conflict, and showcases Daniel's strategic mindset. It is well-paced and engaging, with a good balance of dialogue and action.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring an oil discovery on an abandoned ranch is intriguing and sets up future plot developments. It introduces new elements to the story and keeps the audience engaged.

Plot: 8.5

The plot of the scene is well-developed, with the discovery of oil adding a new layer of complexity to the story. It advances the overall narrative and sets up future conflicts and developments.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a unique setting and situation, exploring the potential conflict between financial gain and environmental impact in the context of oil drilling. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and grounded in the setting.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters, especially Daniel, are well-portrayed in the scene. Daniel's analytical nature and strategic thinking are highlighted, setting up his character arc and motivations.

Character Changes: 7

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, it sets the stage for potential transformations in Daniel's character as he navigates the challenges of the oil discovery.

Internal Goal: 8

Daniel's internal goal is to assess the potential for oil drilling in the area and secure a profitable deal with Union Oil. This reflects his desire for financial success and independence.

External Goal: 7.5

Daniel's external goal is to find a lucrative oil drilling location and negotiate a deal with Union Oil to extract the oil. This goal reflects the immediate challenge of securing a profitable business opportunity.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The scene introduces conflict through the discovery of oil and the potential implications for the characters. It sets up future tensions and challenges for Daniel and the other characters.

Opposition: 7.5

The opposition in the scene, such as the harsh environment, potential ethical dilemmas, and financial challenges, creates uncertainty and conflict for the characters, driving the narrative forward.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in this scene due to the potential implications of the oil discovery for the characters. It sets up future conflicts and challenges that will impact their lives.

Story Forward: 9

The scene effectively moves the story forward by introducing a key plot point - the discovery of oil. It sets up future developments and challenges for the characters.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable in terms of the characters' interactions, the potential outcomes of their oil drilling venture, and the ethical dilemmas they may face.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict revolves around the exploitation of natural resources for financial gain, contrasting with the environmental impact and ethical considerations of drilling for oil.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene has a moderate emotional impact, primarily through the tension and anticipation surrounding the oil discovery. It sets up future emotional stakes for the characters.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue in the scene is engaging and serves to advance the plot and develop the characters. It effectively conveys information about the oil discovery and Daniel's plans.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its exploration of the characters' goals, the harsh environment they navigate, and the potential conflicts that arise from their pursuit of oil drilling opportunities.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, moving between moments of investigation, exploration, and dialogue to maintain the audience's interest.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings, descriptions, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure, moving from the investigation of the oil slick to the exploration of potential drilling locations, building tension and setting up future conflicts.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension and intrigue with the discovery of the oil slick, which is a pivotal moment for Daniel and H.W. However, the transition from the oil slick to the hill feels abrupt. A smoother transition could enhance the flow of the narrative.
  • Daniel's experimentation with the oil slick is a strong visual moment, but the dialogue could be more impactful. The line 'This is earthquake stuff set loose' feels somewhat flat. It could benefit from more emotional weight or a personal connection to Daniel's ambitions.
  • The description of the landscape is vivid, but it could be enhanced by incorporating Daniel's emotional response to the environment. This would deepen the audience's understanding of his character and motivations.
  • The dialogue between Daniel and H.W. at the end of the scene is functional but lacks depth. It would be beneficial to explore their relationship further, perhaps by including more personal reflections or aspirations from H.W. that relate to the oil discovery.
  • The introduction of the rundown ranch house and its religious artifacts adds an interesting layer to the scene, but the significance of these artifacts is not explored. This could be an opportunity to delve into themes of faith versus ambition, which are central to the story.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment of reflection for Daniel after discovering the oil slick, perhaps expressing his thoughts on the implications of this find for his future.
  • Revise the dialogue to include more emotional resonance, particularly in Daniel's lines. This could involve him sharing a personal story or a dream related to the oil discovery.
  • Enhance the transition between the oil slick and the hill by including a brief moment of contemplation or a shared look between Daniel and H.W. that signifies their bond and shared ambition.
  • Explore the significance of the religious artifacts in the ranch house. Perhaps Daniel could express disdain or curiosity about them, which would add depth to his character and the thematic elements of the story.
  • Incorporate more sensory details in the dialogue between Daniel and H.W. to make their conversation feel more natural and engaging, reflecting their father-son dynamic.



Scene 15 -  Negotiations at Dusk
38 INT. SUNDAY RANCH - DUSK. 38

CAMERA holds on DANIEL. The Sunday Family and H.W. eat the
quail, minor conversation... then:

DANIEL
what would you say is a fair price for
this lot, Abel?

Everyone stops eating and looks at Daniel: Abel is very excited:

ABEL SUNDAY
The Lord has sent you here.
The Prophet Daniel.

DANIEL
yes. let me finish telling you-

ABEL SUNDAY
This is according to the revelation of
the True Word. This is it.

DANIEL
I think it is, yes. now what would
you say is a fair price?

ABEL SUNDAY
Five dollars an acre.

ELI
Six.
28



DANIEL
Six dollars. thank you, Eli.

ABEL SUNDAY
And with the improvements I've made at
five hundred --

DANIEL
I'll offer to buy the ranch
for thirty-seven hundred dollars.
(beat)
That's three thousand and seven
hundred dollars.

BEAT. MOTHER SUNDAY speaks:

MOTHER SUNDAY
I don't want to leave here, this isn't
for sale.

DANIEL
no, no, no. you don't have to leave.
You may stay here as long as you like and
I will give you my word - you can have all
the farming rights - what we can do is
develop a lease - I will lease you the land
after the purchase for the next ninety-nine
years at ten dollars a year.

MOTHER SUNDAY
We don't have any money.

DANIEL
I'm giving you some ...

Everything gets quiet.

DANIEL
Does this seem fair to you?

ABEL SUNDAY
This is according to the Revelation
Eli, this is according to --

ELI
And what about the rock oil?

DANIEL
...well, yes, what ... ?
29




ELI
And what do you want to do about the rock oil?

DANIEL
what about it?

ELI
We have oil here. that's worth something.

DANIEL
do you have someone who can
drill for it?

ELI


DANIEL
Do you think there's oil here?

ELI
I know there is.

DANIEL
it's very expensive to drill-to get
it up out of the ground.
have you ever tried that before?

ELI
how much is it?

DANIEL
... costly.

ELI
what would you give us for that?

DANIEL
I don't know.

ELI
SOMETHING YOU DON'T KNOW!

DANIEL
what would you like, Eli?
30




ELI
I think that you should share
the mineral rights with my Church.
you've given us the farming rights,
now why not share the mineral rights?

BEAT. Eli and Daniel hold a look on each other;

DANIEL
If we decide to drill for oil,
if the well begins to produce
I'll give your Church a five thousand
dollar signing bonus.

ELI
that's not enough.

DANIEL
do you want to find someone else
that's gonna come up here and
drill? Eli? make the investment
and do all the work that goes
into it? I can hunt for quail
on another ranch just as easily
as I can here.

BEAT. Eli is quiet.

DANIEL
I would be happy to be a supporter of
your Church as long as I can.
with the bonus only ... I do have
some connections that could get
us started drilling for oil...how
do you feel about that Abel?

ABEL
yes. what Eli says.

DANIEL
Fine. Fine. Let's draw up some
contracts and let's try.


CUT TO:
31
Genres: ["Drama","Historical"]

Summary In this tense scene at the Sunday ranch, Daniel proposes to buy the property for $3,700, allowing the Sundays to continue farming. As negotiations unfold, Eli raises concerns about mineral rights due to potential oil on the land, leading to a discussion about a signing bonus for the church. Despite reaching an agreement, Eli remains dissatisfied, reflecting the family's emotional attachment to the ranch. The scene concludes with Daniel suggesting they formalize the deal with contracts.
Strengths
  • Tension-filled negotiation
  • Clash of beliefs and interests
  • Clear progression of plot
Weaknesses
  • Limited emotional depth
  • Lack of character development in this specific scene

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene is well-structured, with a clear purpose of negotiating a deal and introducing the conflict between Daniel and the Sunday family. The tension and differing beliefs add depth to the scene.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of negotiating a land deal and introducing the potential for drilling oil adds layers to the story and sets up future conflicts. The clash of beliefs and interests is a strong concept.

Plot: 8.5

The plot progresses as the negotiation unfolds, revealing the characters' motivations and setting up future developments. The introduction of the oil drilling subplot adds intrigue.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the negotiation trope by blending business dealings with religious undertones. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and rooted in their beliefs and motivations.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-defined in their beliefs and motivations during the negotiation scene. Daniel's business-minded approach contrasts with the Sunday family's religious convictions.

Character Changes: 7

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the negotiation and clash of beliefs set the stage for potential growth and development in future interactions.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to negotiate a fair deal for the purchase of the ranch while also maintaining a sense of control and power in the conversation. This reflects his desire for success and dominance.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to acquire the ranch and its resources, particularly the mineral rights for oil drilling. This goal reflects his ambition for wealth and expansion.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between Daniel and the Sunday family, both in terms of the land deal and the potential drilling for oil, is intense and drives the scene forward.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting goals and power struggles creating uncertainty and tension. The audience is unsure of how the negotiation will unfold.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high as the negotiation could determine the future of the Sunday family's land and the potential profits from oil drilling.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by introducing the conflict over the land deal and the potential drilling for oil, setting up future plot developments.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting power dynamics and unexpected twists in the negotiation. The audience is kept guessing about the outcome.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict is between the protagonist's individualistic approach to business and the communal values of the Church. This challenges his beliefs in self-reliance and profit.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7.5

The tension and differing beliefs evoke emotions in the audience, but the emotional impact is not as high as in more personal or intimate scenes.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is crucial in conveying the tension and differing viewpoints during the negotiation. It effectively reveals the characters' personalities and beliefs.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the high stakes, conflicting goals, and subtle power dynamics between the characters. The negotiation keeps the audience on edge.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is well-crafted, with a gradual build-up of tension and suspense leading to a climactic negotiation. The rhythm of the dialogue enhances the scene's effectiveness.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a traditional structure for a negotiation scene, with clear stakes, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm contribute to its effectiveness.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes the tension between Daniel and the Sunday family regarding the sale of the ranch and the potential for oil. However, the dialogue can feel a bit expository at times, particularly when characters reiterate their positions on the price and the mineral rights. This could be streamlined to maintain a more natural flow.
  • Daniel's character is portrayed as shrewd and calculating, but the scene could benefit from more emotional depth. His interactions with the Sunday family feel transactional, which is appropriate given his character, but adding subtle hints of his internal conflict or motivations could enhance the audience's connection to him.
  • The dialogue between Eli and Daniel is confrontational, which is good for building tension, but it sometimes lacks clarity. For instance, when Eli demands a share of the mineral rights, it could be more impactful if he articulated why this is important to him personally or to the church, rather than just stating it as a demand.
  • The pacing of the scene feels uneven. The initial excitement from Abel about Daniel's arrival contrasts sharply with the later tension, which could be better balanced. Consider interspersing moments of levity or camaraderie to break up the tension and make the stakes feel more dynamic.
  • The scene ends somewhat abruptly after Daniel agrees to draw up contracts. A more definitive conclusion or a moment of reflection from Daniel or the Sunday family could provide a stronger emotional closure, emphasizing the weight of the decision made.
Suggestions
  • Consider tightening the dialogue to reduce redundancy. For example, instead of repeating the price negotiations, have characters react more dynamically to each other's offers, which can create a more engaging back-and-forth.
  • Add a moment where Daniel reflects on the implications of his offer, perhaps through a brief internal monologue or a visual cue that shows his awareness of the impact on the Sunday family. This could deepen his character and make the stakes feel more personal.
  • Enhance Eli's character by giving him a more compelling reason for wanting a share of the mineral rights. This could be tied to his faith or the church's needs, making his demands feel more justified and relatable.
  • Incorporate small moments of humor or warmth amidst the tension to create a more balanced emotional landscape. This could involve light banter or shared memories that remind the characters of their humanity.
  • Consider extending the scene's conclusion to include a moment of silence or a shared look between Daniel and the Sunday family after the contracts are agreed upon, highlighting the gravity of the situation and the uncertain future ahead.



Scene 16 -  A Lighthearted Departure
39 EXT. TRAIN DEPOT/LITTLE BOSTON - MORNING (START MUSIC) 39

DANIEL and HW are driven on CART AND HORSE by ELI...They approach
the TRAIN DEPOT AREA and their PARKED CAR.

DANIEL
_you can just leave us here.

ELI (re: the car)
is this yours?

DANIEL
looks like it.

DANIEL hops down, grabs some camping equipment and moves towards
the car. As HW moves to climb down, he gets a little stuck --

ELI gives HW a little PUSH, ACCIDENTALY/ON PURPOSE and he goes
straight to the ground. Daniel turns and looks --

DANIEL
you alright?

HW
yeah.

They start getting their car packed up.

ELI
That's a very nice car.

DANIEL
Maybe you'll have one just like
it someday, Eli.

Daniel and H.W. get in the car. Eli turns around the other
direction, Daniel drives off - and honks the horn, heads
into town --

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In the morning at a train depot in Little Boston, Daniel and HW arrive in a cart driven by Eli. As they prepare to pack their car with camping gear, HW struggles to get down and accidentally falls when Eli gives him a push. Daniel checks on HW, who reassures him he's fine. They continue packing, with Eli complimenting the car and Daniel encouraging him about owning a similar one in the future. The scene ends with Daniel and HW driving off, honking the horn as they head into town, capturing a light-hearted moment of camaraderie.
Strengths
  • Tension-building
  • Character dynamics
  • Dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Pacing

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively builds tension through the negotiation process, revealing the complex dynamics between the characters and setting the stage for future conflicts.


Story Content

Concept: 8.5

The concept of the negotiation scene is crucial in advancing the plot and deepening the character dynamics, making it a pivotal moment in the story.

Plot: 8

The plot is advanced significantly through the negotiation, as it sets the stage for future conflicts and developments in the story.

Originality: 9

The scene demonstrates a level of originality through its nuanced character interactions, realistic dialogue, and subtle exploration of themes such as ambition, loyalty, and identity. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds depth and complexity to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed in this scene, with their motivations, conflicts, and emotions coming to the forefront during the negotiation process.

Character Changes: 8

The negotiation scene leads to subtle but significant changes in the characters' dynamics and relationships, setting the stage for future developments.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to maintain a sense of control and protect his ward, HW. This reflects his deeper need for stability and security, as well as his fear of losing the only person he cares about.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to reach their destination safely and continue their journey. This reflects the immediate challenge of navigating the rural landscape and interacting with the local residents.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The level of conflict is high in this scene, as the negotiation exposes the underlying tensions and power struggles between Daniel and the Sunday family.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create conflict and tension, but not overwhelming. The audience is left uncertain about the characters' true intentions and motivations, adding complexity and intrigue to the narrative.

High Stakes: 8

The negotiation scene involves high stakes for both Daniel and the Sunday family, as the outcome will have significant implications for their futures.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward by introducing new conflicts, deepening character motivations, and setting the stage for future plot developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the subtle shifts in character dynamics and the underlying tension between Daniel and Eli. The audience is left uncertain about the true motivations and intentions of the characters, adding suspense and intrigue to the narrative.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

There is a philosophical conflict between Daniel's cynical worldview and Eli's more optimistic outlook on life. This challenges Daniel's beliefs about success and happiness, as well as his relationship with HW.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from tension to resignation, as the characters navigate the high-stakes negotiation.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is sharp and impactful, revealing the tensions and power dynamics between the characters involved in the negotiation.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its subtle character dynamics, emotional depth, and thematic complexity. The interactions between Daniel, HW, and Eli create tension and intrigue, drawing the audience into the story.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining a sense of tension and suspense, gradually building towards the climax. The rhythm of the dialogue and character actions enhances the emotional impact and thematic resonance of the scene.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene adheres to the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting. The visual descriptions and character actions are effectively conveyed through concise and evocative language.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the scene's effectiveness, maintaining tension and emotional engagement.


Critique
  • The scene is brief and serves primarily as a transition, which can be effective, but it lacks depth in character development and emotional stakes. The interaction between Daniel, H.W., and Eli feels somewhat superficial, and the scene could benefit from more tension or conflict to engage the audience.
  • The dialogue is functional but lacks subtext. For instance, Daniel's comment about Eli potentially having a nice car one day could be an opportunity to explore their relationship dynamics further. Is Daniel being sincere, sarcastic, or dismissive? Adding layers to their interactions could enhance the scene's impact.
  • The physical action of H.W. getting stuck and Eli's push feels contrived and lacks a clear motivation. If Eli's action is meant to be playful or antagonistic, it should be clearer in the text. This moment could be used to highlight Eli's character traits more effectively.
  • The scene's pacing is quick, which may work for a transition, but it could benefit from a moment of reflection or a pause to allow the audience to absorb the significance of the characters' journey. A brief moment of silence or a shared look could add emotional weight.
  • The visual elements are minimal and could be enhanced. Describing the train depot's atmosphere, the sounds of the morning, or the visual contrast between the car and the surrounding environment could create a more vivid setting and immerse the audience in the scene.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment of tension or conflict between Daniel and Eli to deepen their relationship. This could be a subtle exchange that hints at underlying issues or competition.
  • Enhance the dialogue by incorporating subtext. Allow Daniel's comments to reflect his true feelings about Eli, whether it's jealousy, camaraderie, or disdain, to create a more complex interaction.
  • Clarify Eli's push of H.W. by providing a motivation for his action. Is he trying to be playful, or is there a hint of malice? This could add depth to Eli's character and their dynamic.
  • Slow down the pacing slightly to allow for a moment of reflection. Perhaps include a brief exchange or a shared look between Daniel and H.W. that conveys their bond or the weight of their journey.
  • Add more descriptive elements to the setting. Describe the sights, sounds, and atmosphere of the train depot to create a more immersive experience for the audience.



Scene 17 -  Securing the Deal
40 INT. ROSE REAL ESTATE, INSURANCE, LOANS OFFICE - MORNING. 40

CAMERA behind them as they enter and greet the real estate man:
AL ROSE (40s)

DANIEL
Hello.

AL ROSE
hello. can I help you?
32


DANIEL
Well...!' d like to talk to you.
I'm looking for some land, I've
just bought the Sunday ranch, and ...
...where' s the map?

ANGLE, MOMENTS LATER.
A MAP of the entire area is spread out on the desk in front of
them; They look it over. Daniel takes out a small notepad and
pencil, works it throughout;

AL ROSE
There's the Bandy tract which is the
neighboring lot. He has over 600 acres

DANIEL
and what about this?

AL ROSE
AC Maude, Blodget, Redlick... Carr ...

DANIEL
What's it held at?

AL ROSE
Six dollars an acre.

DANIEL
and what about this?

AL ROSE
That's the Belvins and that
could be got, I'm sure.

DANIEL
Can everything around here be got?

AL ROSE


BEAT. THEN; Daniel looks up.

AL ROSE
sure.

They sit down;
33



DANIEL
I want you to buy this for me and I want
you to be my man, Al. But I want it just
enough to pay fair price - and I don't want
it any more than that. People don't need
to start boosting prices. If they do, you can
tell them to forget it and I'll forget it too.
You can collect your commission from the seller
in the usual way and on top of that you can
have five percent from me. And that'll
be what makes you a man. You seem aware enough
that this should be done quickly and quietly
so there aren't any ideas that there's a boom
on - does this make sense to you?

AL ROSE
Yes. but I'm not sure how quietly --

DANIEL
Son, can you go to the car and
get my bag please?

HW goes outside -

DANIEL
you make the buying for an unknown client
you buy the options for cash - that means
if someone is home you should be able
to make a deal right there -

AL ROSE
you have this money on you?

DANIEL
I have some and I can have a wire for
more in the morning. have the options
ready so they can be signed on the spot

HW comes back inside with a leather BAG and takes out some
FORMS.

DANIEL
I carry everything in my car. These forms
will make it easy for you- so let's
type up an agreement to list these tracts
and purchase the Sunday tract.
34


ANGLE, AT THE TYPEWRITER - LATER.
Al types out some contracts. Daniel stands over/behind him,
says:

DANIEL
If I needed to get a real road
in Little Boston that went out to the
Sunday Ranch -- who would be a good man
to talk to?

Al Rose looks up from the typewriter at him...

AL ROSE
I'd talk to Jake Coffey.

DANIEL
What's Jake's business?

AL ROSE
Hay and Feed ... and Insurance.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In the Rose Real Estate office, Daniel meets with agent Al Rose to discuss purchasing land, specifically the Sunday Ranch. He emphasizes the need for discretion and fair pricing to avoid market inflation, instructing Al on how to proceed with the purchase. H.W. assists by retrieving necessary forms while Al types up contracts. The scene conveys a tense yet businesslike atmosphere as Daniel inquires about a railroad contact, signaling his strategic plans.
Strengths
  • Clear character motivations
  • Sharp dialogue
  • Realistic negotiation dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Limited emotional depth
  • Moderate conflict intensity

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys the business negotiation between Daniel and Al Rose, showcasing Daniel's clear objectives and no-nonsense attitude. The dialogue is sharp and to the point, moving the plot forward while establishing Daniel's character.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of negotiating a land purchase is central to the scene, and it is executed with precision. The focus on business dealings and the dynamics between the characters drive the narrative forward.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene revolves around Daniel's strategic approach to acquiring land and sets the stage for future developments in the story. The negotiation adds depth to the character and propels the narrative forward.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh approach to business negotiations and land transactions, focusing on ethical considerations and transparency in deals. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters, especially Daniel Plainview, are well-defined in this scene. Daniel's assertiveness, pragmatism, and business savvy are highlighted, setting him up as a central figure in the story.

Character Changes: 7

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, it further solidifies Daniel's persona as a shrewd businessman and sets the stage for his future actions and decisions.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to secure land purchases at a fair price without boosting prices, reflecting his desire for honesty and integrity in business dealings.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to buy land for an unknown client quickly and quietly, without creating the impression of a boom in the area.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict in the scene is primarily centered around the negotiation process and the differing objectives of Daniel and Al Rose. While the tension is present, it is more subdued compared to other scenes in the screenplay.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting interests between the characters and the potential for obstacles in securing land deals.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes in the scene are moderate, focusing on the financial implications of the land purchase and the strategic decisions made by Daniel. While important, the stakes do not reach a critical level in this negotiation.

Story Forward: 8

The scene effectively moves the story forward by establishing the acquisition of the Sunday ranch and setting up future plot developments related to land ownership and oil exploration. It introduces key elements that will impact the narrative progression.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected turns in negotiations, the protagonist's unique approach to deals, and the potential for conflict in business transactions.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between honesty and integrity in business dealings versus the temptation to boost prices for personal gain. This challenges the protagonist's values of fairness and transparency.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The emotional impact of the scene is moderate, focusing more on the business aspects rather than eliciting strong emotional responses from the audience. The negotiation adds depth to the characters but does not evoke intense emotions.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene is sharp, business-oriented, and serves the purpose of advancing the negotiation process. It effectively conveys the personalities of the characters involved and adds depth to their interactions.

Engagement: 8

This scene is engaging because of the high stakes involved in land transactions, the tension between characters, and the sense of urgency in securing deals.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining a sense of urgency and tension in negotiations, keeping the audience engaged and interested in the outcome.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a dialogue-heavy business negotiation scene, with clear character actions and descriptions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a business negotiation scene, with clear dialogue and actions that progress the plot effectively.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes Daniel's character as a shrewd businessman who is strategic and calculating in his dealings. His dialogue conveys a sense of authority and control, which is essential for his character development.
  • The interaction between Daniel and Al Rose is functional but lacks emotional depth. While the business transaction is clear, the stakes and motivations behind Daniel's urgency could be more vividly portrayed to enhance tension and engagement.
  • The dialogue is somewhat expository, with Al providing information about the land and prices. This could be streamlined to avoid feeling like a data dump. Instead, consider integrating the exposition into more dynamic exchanges that reveal character traits or underlying tensions.
  • The scene transitions smoothly from the previous one, maintaining continuity. However, the pacing could be improved by tightening the dialogue and reducing repetitive phrases, which would help maintain the audience's interest.
  • The visual elements, such as the map and the typewriter, are effective in grounding the scene in its setting. However, more descriptive language could enhance the atmosphere, making the office feel more alive and reflective of the characters' personalities.
Suggestions
  • Introduce a sense of urgency or tension in Daniel's demeanor to reflect the high stakes of the land acquisition. Perhaps he could exhibit impatience or frustration if Al takes too long to respond.
  • Consider adding a moment of conflict or hesitation from Al Rose, which could create a more dynamic interaction. This could involve him questioning Daniel's methods or expressing concern about the ethical implications of the deal.
  • Incorporate more subtext in the dialogue. For example, Daniel could hint at past experiences that inform his current approach, adding layers to his character and making the conversation feel more nuanced.
  • Use visual storytelling to enhance the scene. For instance, show Daniel's body language or facial expressions as he discusses the deal, which can convey his confidence or underlying anxiety without needing explicit dialogue.
  • End the scene with a stronger hook or cliffhanger that raises the stakes for the next scene. This could involve a sudden interruption or a revelation that complicates Daniel's plans.



Scene 18 -  Business at the Depot
41 INT. TRAIN DEPOT - DAY - LATER. 41

DANIEL and HW come in to do some business with the TRAIN DEPOT
MAN: HOWARD SOMMERVILLE (50s) He introduces himself, makes
small talk and goes about making filling out a TELEGRAM, hands
it over;

DANIEL
Howard, who's the best man in town to
contact for a water well?

HOWARD
Sam Davis.

DANIEL
can you contact him for me and
have him meet my son out
at the Sunday ranch?

HOWARD
to talk to your son?

DANIEL
To drill a proper well.
My son knows what I'd like done.
Can I use that telephone?
35

Daniel moves towards the TELPHONE across the room, while telling
Howard the number he'd like dialed ... Howard works the switchboard
and places the call for him, Daniel is connected with Fletcher;

ANGLE, HW.
he looks out the window and sees: THE TRAIN COMES DOWN THE
TRACKS
ACROSS THE VALLEY FLOOR, APPROACHING THE STATION.

ANGLE, DANIEL.
he is speaking with Fletcher, telling him to come up, etc. etc.
His attention turns to the TRAIN as it PULLS UP OUTSIDE THE
WINDOW.

ANGLE, GENE BLAIZE and CHARLIE WHRIGHTSMAN. (50s)
Two other INDEPENDENT OIL MEN step off the train and walk into
the depot; They see HW and start to chat him up...

Daniel finishes his call with Fletcher and walks over;

GENE BLAIZE
Plainview and Son.

DANIEL
Hello, Gene. Charlie. You guys are a long
way from Signal Hill. You on your way
somewhere else?

GENE BLAIZE
Passing through and looking around.
Funny to see you.

DANIEL
Funny.

GENE BLAIZE
Congratulations on your well, I heard
that hit nicely --

DANIEL
300 barrels a day. you remember my son, H.W.?

GENE BLAIZE
You boys are a regular family business ...

DANIEL
you boys are a little late_

GENE BLAIZE
What'd you find?
36




DANIEL
I found some interesting prospects.

GENE BLAIZE
Did you hear Standard bought up?

DANIEL
-I did hear. further North.

GENE BLAIZE
that's right.

DANIEL
I like you Gene, and I wanna tell you:
If you're gonna make a play: look east,
cause there's a lot around here
that's been taken. I'd rather have it
be you than someone else.

WHRIGHTSMAN
Life must be easy when you've got such
a cute face to carry around with you.

DANIEL
Are you telling me how handsome my son is?

WHRIGHTSMAN
that's right.

DANIEL
Thank you. That's very nice.
Good luck. Remember what I said. Go east.

They leave ... Gene Blaize calls out to H. W. --

GENE BLAIZE
I'll be your lawyer if you need to draw up
a contract - make sure you don't
get swindled, boy -- get half of what your
Dad is making -- !

CUT TO:
37
Genres: ["Drama","Western"]

Summary In a bustling train depot, Daniel and his son HW conduct business as Daniel communicates with Howard Sommerville about drilling a water well. HW notices an approaching train, and two independent oil men, Gene Blaize and Charlie Wrightsman, arrive to congratulate Daniel on his successful well. They engage in light-hearted conversation, with Daniel advising them to explore oil opportunities to the east. The scene captures a professional yet friendly atmosphere, ending with a humorous offer from Gene to be HW's lawyer.
Strengths
  • Sharp dialogue
  • Establishing competitive dynamics
  • Setting up future conflicts
Weaknesses
  • Limited emotional depth
  • Potential for confusion with multiple characters introduced

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively sets up the competitive landscape of the oil industry and introduces tension through the dialogue and interactions between characters. It provides valuable information about the characters' motivations and the potential conflicts that may arise.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of showcasing the competitive nature of the oil industry and the strategic decisions involved is well-developed in this scene. It sets the stage for future conflicts and character dynamics.

Plot: 8

The plot progresses as the scene introduces new elements and potential conflicts that will drive the narrative forward. It sets up future developments and establishes the stakes for the characters.

Originality: 8

The scene offers a fresh take on business dealings in the oil industry, with authentic character interactions and a realistic portrayal of the competitive nature of the field.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters are well-defined through their interactions and dialogue, showcasing their competitive nature and motivations. The scene effectively establishes the dynamics between Daniel Plainview and the other oil men.

Character Changes: 7

There are subtle hints at character changes, particularly in the interactions between Daniel Plainview and the other oil men. The scene sets the stage for potential shifts in alliances and motivations.

Internal Goal: 8

Daniel's internal goal is to assert his dominance and expertise in the oil industry, while also showcasing his protective nature towards his son. This reflects his need for control and validation in his business endeavors.

External Goal: 7

Daniel's external goal is to secure a water well for his ranch, demonstrating his practical concerns and long-term planning for his business operations.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict level is high in this scene, as the competitive dynamics between the characters create tension and potential for future clashes. The differing motivations and strategic decisions add layers of conflict to the narrative.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with subtle power struggles and conflicting interests among the characters, creating uncertainty and suspense.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in this scene, as the competitive nature of the oil industry and the strategic decisions involved create significant risks and rewards for the characters. The potential for conflicts adds to the high stakes.

Story Forward: 8

The scene effectively moves the story forward by introducing new elements, conflicts, and character dynamics. It sets up future developments and establishes the stakes for the narrative progression.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable due to the shifting power dynamics and unexpected turns in the characters' conversations, adding tension and intrigue.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict revolves around the competition and camaraderie in the oil industry, with Daniel balancing between cooperation and rivalry with his fellow oil men.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The emotional impact is moderate in this scene, focusing more on the informative and tense aspects of the narrative. While there is tension and potential for conflict, the emotional depth is not the primary focus.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is sharp, informative, and tense, reflecting the competitive atmosphere of the oil industry. It reveals the characters' personalities and motivations while driving the plot forward.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its mix of business intrigue, personal dynamics, and subtle power plays, keeping the audience invested in the characters' interactions.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and maintaining audience interest, with a gradual escalation of conflicts and resolutions.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene adheres to the expected formatting for its genre, with proper scene descriptions, character actions, and dialogue cues.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format for its genre, with clear character introductions, dialogue exchanges, and a gradual build-up of tension.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes Daniel's business acumen and his relationship with H.W. However, the dialogue feels somewhat expository and could benefit from more subtext. For instance, Daniel's interactions with Howard and the oil men could reveal more about his character and motivations rather than just stating facts about the well and the oil business.
  • The introduction of Gene Blaize and Charlie Wrightsman feels a bit abrupt. While they serve to provide context about the oil industry, their dialogue lacks depth and could be more engaging. Consider giving them distinct personalities or motivations that contrast with Daniel's, which would enhance the tension and dynamics in the scene.
  • The scene's pacing is uneven, particularly during the transition from Daniel's phone call to the arrival of the oil men. This could be tightened to maintain the momentum and keep the audience engaged. The visual elements, such as the train arriving, could be used more effectively to build anticipation or foreshadow upcoming events.
  • The humor in the scene, particularly with the comment about H.W.'s looks, feels forced and detracts from the overall tone. While light-hearted moments can be effective, they should arise naturally from the characters' interactions rather than feeling like a scripted joke.
  • The ending of the scene, where Gene offers to be H.W.'s lawyer, feels somewhat disconnected from the rest of the dialogue. It could be more impactful if it tied back to Daniel's earlier comments about protecting his interests or if it hinted at future conflicts regarding H.W.'s role in the business.
Suggestions
  • Incorporate more subtext into the dialogue to reveal character motivations and relationships. For example, instead of Daniel simply stating facts about the well, he could express his pride or concerns about the business, allowing for a deeper understanding of his character.
  • Develop Gene and Charlie's characters further by giving them unique traits or perspectives that contrast with Daniel's. This could create more engaging dialogue and enhance the tension in their interactions.
  • Tighten the pacing of the scene by streamlining transitions and ensuring that each moment builds on the previous one. Consider using the arrival of the train as a metaphor for opportunity or competition, heightening the stakes.
  • Rework the humor to feel more organic to the characters. Instead of a scripted joke, allow for playful banter that arises naturally from the situation, enhancing the authenticity of the interactions.
  • Connect the ending of the scene more closely to the themes of protection and ambition. Perhaps have Gene's offer serve as a reminder of the potential pitfalls in the business, foreshadowing future conflicts for H.W. as he navigates his father's world.



Scene 19 -  Whispers of Innocence
42 EXT. SUNDAY RANCH. DAYS LATER. LATE AFTERNOON. 42

H.W. and the young girl MARY are sitting around, talking.
The WATER WELL MAN is at work digging the well, which HW
supervises from a distance;

FLETCHER has arrived now and is walking the area with a
GEOLOGIST named FRED ENGLISH. They inspect the landscape/take
measurements ...

ANGLE, MARY AND H. W.

MARY
what are they doing?

HW
they're just looking around.

MARY
how much money can we make from this?

HW
it depends.

MARY
how much?

HW
I don't know.

MARY
a thousand dollars?

HW
It depends. you can't say.

MARY
ten thousand dollars?

HW
I don't know.

BEAT.

MARY
My father hits me in the face if
I don't pray.

HW
what do you do?
38

MARY


HW
does he do it a lot?

MARY
how much money can we make from this?

HW
... it depends • you never know_,

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In a late afternoon at a ranch, H.W. and Mary engage in a light conversation while observing the Water Well Man digging a well. Fletcher and geologist Fred English arrive to inspect the area. When Mary inquires about the well's potential earnings, H.W. is evasive. The mood shifts as Mary reveals her father's abusive behavior, prompting H.W. to ask more about her situation. The scene juxtaposes their innocent dialogue with the darker realities of Mary's life, leaving an unsettling tension as the conversation remains unresolved.
Strengths
  • Exploration of innocence and curiosity
  • Subtle introduction of conflicts and themes
  • Well-developed characters
Weaknesses
  • Lack of significant character development
  • Limited emotional impact

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.2

The scene effectively captures the curiosity of children in a tense situation, setting up potential conflicts and developments in the story.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring the impact of oil drilling on families and children is well-developed, adding depth to the narrative.

Plot: 8

The plot progresses by introducing the potential financial gains from oil drilling and the conflicts that may arise from it.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh approach to exploring themes of empathy and economic opportunity in a rural setting. The dialogue feels authentic and the characters' actions are believable.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters of H.W. and Mary are well-developed in this scene, showcasing their innocence and curiosity amidst the adult discussions about wealth.

Character Changes: 7

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the interactions between H.W. and Mary hint at potential growth and development.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to understand the young girl's situation and possibly offer help or guidance. This reflects his deeper need for connection and empathy.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to oversee the well digging project and potentially make a profit from it. This reflects the immediate circumstances of economic opportunity and hard work.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7.5

The conflict between the potential financial gains and the moral implications of oil drilling is subtly hinted at in the scene.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create conflict and uncertainty, driving the narrative forward.

High Stakes: 8

The high stakes of financial gain versus moral considerations are subtly introduced, adding tension to the scene.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing the potential financial opportunities and conflicts that may arise from oil drilling.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected emotional revelations and the complex dynamics between the characters.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

There is a philosophical conflict evident in the scene between the protagonist's sense of empathy and the harsh reality of the young girl's situation. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs about justice and compassion.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7.5

The scene evokes a sense of curiosity and concern, setting the stage for potential emotional developments in the story.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue between H.W. and Mary reveals their contrasting experiences and perspectives, adding depth to their characters.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the emotional depth of the character interactions and the tension created by the philosophical conflict.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and emotional depth through well-timed character interactions.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and dialogue formatting that enhances readability.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear character interactions and a progression of events that build tension and emotional depth.


Critique
  • The dialogue between H.W. and Mary feels repetitive and lacks depth. The back-and-forth about how much money can be made from the well doesn't advance the plot or develop the characters significantly. Instead of simply stating 'I don't know' multiple times, H.W. could express confusion or frustration, which would add emotional weight to the conversation.
  • Mary's revelation about her father hitting her is a stark and serious moment that contrasts sharply with the earlier light-hearted banter about money. However, the transition into this darker topic feels abrupt and could benefit from a more gradual build-up. The scene would be more impactful if there were hints of Mary's troubled home life earlier in the dialogue.
  • The scene lacks a clear emotional arc or purpose. While it introduces a serious issue, it doesn't explore the implications of Mary's situation or how it affects H.W. This missed opportunity could leave the audience feeling disconnected from the characters' experiences.
  • The presence of the Water Well Man and the geologist adds a layer of context, but their roles are underdeveloped. They could be used to create tension or urgency in the scene, perhaps by discussing the potential risks or rewards of the well, which would also tie back to H.W. and Mary's conversation about money.
  • The scene ends abruptly after the last line, which feels unsatisfying. A more conclusive ending or a transition to the next scene would help maintain narrative flow and keep the audience engaged.
Suggestions
  • Consider revising the dialogue to include more varied responses from H.W. that reflect his emotional state or confusion about the situation. This could help deepen his character and make the conversation feel more dynamic.
  • Introduce subtle hints about Mary's home life earlier in the scene, perhaps through her tone or body language, to create a more gradual transition into the serious topic of her father's abuse.
  • Explore the implications of Mary's situation further. H.W. could express concern or empathy, which would not only develop their relationship but also highlight the gravity of her circumstances.
  • Utilize the Water Well Man and the geologist more effectively by incorporating their dialogue into the scene. They could discuss the potential outcomes of the well, which would tie into H.W. and Mary's conversation and create a sense of urgency.
  • Add a more definitive conclusion to the scene, perhaps by showing H.W. reacting to Mary's revelation or transitioning to the next scene with a visual cue or a change in the atmosphere.



Scene 20 -  A Night of Concern and Connection
43 INT. TENT/SUNDAY RANCH. NIGHT. 43

It's night and DANIEL and H.W. are in their tent. DANIEL is
looking over maps, HW near his side_.then:

HW.
Mary told me that her father beats her
if she doesn't do all the praying shivering
lord stuff that they do...

DANIEL
How old is Mary?

HW
I don't know.

DANIEL
She's the smaller one?

He nods.

DANIEL
You did a nice job on the water well,
son. very nice, thank you.

HW.
Your welcome.

DANIEL
I love you.

HW
I love you too.

BEAT.
39



HW
do you know how many other lots we
got up here?

DANIEL
we'll see tomorrow.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In a tent at the Sunday Ranch, Daniel and H.W. share a heartfelt moment as H.W. recounts a troubling story about a girl named Mary, who suffers abuse from her father for not following strict religious practices. Daniel expresses pride in H.W.'s work on the water well and affirms their bond with mutual declarations of love. The scene highlights the contrast between the serious nature of Mary's situation and the warmth of their relationship, ending with H.W. inquiring about their future plans.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Authentic dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Limited plot progression
  • Minimal external conflict

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively delves into a serious issue while maintaining a heartfelt interaction between the characters. The emotional depth and vulnerability displayed by Daniel and H.W. elevate the scene.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring a sensitive topic through a father-son conversation is compelling and adds depth to the characters. It showcases the complexities of their relationship.

Plot: 7.5

While the plot progression is minimal, the scene contributes to character development and relationship dynamics. It sets the stage for potential conflicts and resolutions.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a unique blend of personal and business interactions, adding depth to the characters and their relationships. The authenticity of the dialogue enhances the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The scene focuses on the characters of Daniel and H.W., delving into their emotional connection and individual struggles. Their authenticity and vulnerability make them compelling.

Character Changes: 7

H.W. shows vulnerability and opens up about Mary's situation, deepening his bond with Daniel. Daniel displays affection and concern for H.W., showcasing his protective nature.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to express love and appreciation for H.W. while also showing concern for Mary's well-being. This reflects Daniel's deeper need for connection and care for those around him.

External Goal: 6

The protagonist's external goal is to assess the number of lots they have at the ranch, indicating a focus on business and property management.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 4

While there is an underlying conflict hinted at (child abuse), it is not fully explored in this scene. The conflict adds tension and emotional depth to the conversation.

Opposition: 6

The opposition in the scene is minimal, with no significant obstacles or conflicts that create suspense.

High Stakes: 5

The stakes are moderate in this scene, focusing more on emotional depth and character dynamics rather than external conflicts. The emotional stakes are high due to the sensitive topic.

Story Forward: 6

While the scene does not significantly move the main plot forward, it adds depth to the characters and sets the stage for potential conflicts and resolutions. It enriches the narrative.

Unpredictability: 6

The scene is somewhat predictable in terms of character interactions and dialogue.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict is between Daniel's caring nature towards H.W. and Mary's situation, and his business-oriented approach to managing the ranch.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact due to the sensitive subject matter and the heartfelt interaction between Daniel and H.W. It evokes empathy and connection with the characters.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is poignant and reveals the characters' inner thoughts and feelings. It effectively conveys the emotional depth of the scene.

Engagement: 7

This scene is engaging due to the emotional depth of the characters and the contrast between personal and business-related conversations.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and emotional depth through the characters' interactions.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to the expected format for a dialogue-heavy scene in a screenplay.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a typical structure for an intimate character interaction, with a clear beginning, middle, and end.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures a tender moment between Daniel and H.W., showcasing their father-son relationship amidst the backdrop of a troubling revelation from H.W. about Mary. This contrast adds depth to the characters and highlights the complexities of their lives.
  • The dialogue is concise and realistic, reflecting the innocence of H.W. while also introducing a serious topic. However, the transition from the discussion about Mary's abuse to Daniel's praise for H.W.'s work feels abrupt. A smoother transition could enhance the emotional flow of the scene.
  • Daniel's character is portrayed as caring and supportive, but his reaction to H.W.'s revelation about Mary could be more nuanced. Instead of quickly shifting to praise, he might express concern or curiosity about the situation, which would deepen the emotional impact and show his protective instincts.
  • The scene lacks visual elements that could enhance the atmosphere. Describing the tent's interior, the sounds of the night, or the dim light from a lantern could create a more immersive experience for the audience.
  • The ending feels somewhat abrupt with H.W.'s question about the lots. While it serves as a transition to the next scene, it could be more impactful if it tied back to the earlier conversation about Mary, perhaps indicating H.W.'s desire to escape or find security.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a line or two from Daniel that expresses concern for Mary, which would show his protective nature and create a more emotional connection to the situation.
  • Enhance the visual description of the tent and the surrounding environment to create a more vivid setting that reflects the mood of the scene.
  • Smooth the transition between H.W.'s revelation and Daniel's praise by incorporating a brief moment of silence or reflection, allowing the weight of H.W.'s words to linger before shifting to a lighter topic.
  • Explore the emotional implications of H.W.'s question about the lots by having Daniel respond in a way that reflects his own worries or hopes for their future, tying it back to the earlier discussion about Mary.
  • Consider adding a moment where Daniel reassures H.W. about their safety and the importance of looking out for others, reinforcing the themes of family and responsibility.



Scene 21 -  Negotiation Standoff
44 INT. ROSE REAL ESTATE. DAY 44

DANIEL is with AL ROSE and they are looking over the MAP OF THE
AREA that is spread on the desk; AL is pointing to it, giving
details of Daniel's purchases;

AL ROSE
Congratulations, Mr. Plainview. It
was all successful! We got all these
lots at five and half dollars and acre
for a total of 10,400 acres.

DANIEL
That's not right. That's not successful.

AL ROSE
Well, this tract here next to the Sunday
Ranch: This is Mr. Bandy and he wasn't
interested in a sale.

DANIEL
Who is he?

AL ROSE
He's an old man, Bandy... he homsteaded here.
He lives with his grandson... he said he would
like to talk to you...

DANIEL
Is he boosting his price?

AL ROSE
He said he'd like to speak with you.

DANIEL
About what?

AL ROSE
I don't know. He just said he'd
like to speak with whoever was doing
the buying.
40

DANIEL
did you mention my name?

AL ROSE
No.

DANIEL
I don't have time to sit and speak
with this man, he either wants to
sell or not.

AL ROSE
It's just the hilly stuff_

DANIEL
It's a very good tract, this is
where the sulphur is, don't tell
me if it's good or not, Al, you
wouldn't know. don't talk to me like that.

AL ROSE
Well...maybe he wants to boost his price
and just speak with you about it.

DANIEL
I don't see what good talking is going to do.
What does he raise up there, those pigs?

AL ROSE
That's right.

DANIEL
Well...let him wait. I don't need this
man and I don't need to sit and talk
with him to do what I want. You did
a good job, here. Al, Thank you.

AL ROSE
It's all successful

DANIEL
Not yet. What's important now is protecting
the quail. Do you think you can get
"No Trespassing" signs over my 10,400 acres?

AL ROSE
... urn... that could take some time.

DANIEL
Who's the best man to talk to about
some lumber?
41


CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In a tense real estate office, Daniel and Al Rose discuss the acquisition of 10,400 acres of land. Al mentions a hesitant landowner, Mr. Bandy, who wishes to negotiate, but Daniel dismisses the idea, preferring to focus on protecting the quail rather than engaging in discussions. The conflict between Daniel's impatience and Al's attempts to facilitate communication remains unresolved as Daniel shifts the conversation towards obtaining 'No Trespassing' signs.
Strengths
  • Strong character development
  • Tense atmosphere
  • Effective negotiation dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Limited emotional depth
  • Minimal character change

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys tension and business dealings, showcasing Daniel's strong personality and determination.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of negotiating a land deal adds depth to Daniel's character and advances the plot by securing more land for oil drilling.

Plot: 8

The plot progresses as Daniel acquires more land for drilling, setting the stage for future developments.

Originality: 8

The scene presents a fresh approach to the familiar theme of land acquisition, with authentic character actions and dialogue that feel true to the setting and context.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters, especially Daniel, are well-developed in this scene, showcasing his assertiveness and business acumen.

Character Changes: 6

There is minimal character change in this scene, as it primarily focuses on Daniel's established traits.

Internal Goal: 8

Daniel's internal goal is to assert his dominance and control over the land acquisition process. This reflects his deeper need for power and success.

External Goal: 7

Daniel's external goal is to secure the land and resources he desires without unnecessary delays or obstacles.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

There is a moderate level of conflict in the scene, primarily stemming from the negotiation process and Daniel's assertiveness.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Mr. Bandy potentially posing a challenge to Daniel's plans and creating uncertainty for the audience.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are moderately high as Daniel secures more land for oil drilling, impacting his business prospects.

Story Forward: 8

The scene significantly moves the story forward by expanding Daniel's land holdings and setting up future developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the uncertainty surrounding Mr. Bandy's intentions and the potential obstacles he may present to Daniel's plans.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between Daniel's ruthless pursuit of profit and control, and the potential moral considerations of dealing with the old man, Mr. Bandy, who may have sentimental attachment to the land.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The emotional impact is limited in this scene, focusing more on the business aspects of the negotiation.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue effectively conveys the negotiation process and Daniel's strong personality.

Engagement: 8

This scene is engaging because of the intense character dynamics and the high stakes involved in the land acquisition negotiation.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining tension and momentum throughout the negotiation.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 9

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear character motivations and conflict driving the narrative forward.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes Daniel's assertive and domineering personality, showcasing his impatience and unwillingness to engage in negotiations that he perceives as unnecessary. This is a strong character trait that aligns with his overall arc as a ruthless businessman.
  • However, the dialogue can feel somewhat repetitive, particularly in Daniel's insistence on not wanting to meet Mr. Bandy. This could be streamlined to maintain the scene's pacing and keep the audience engaged. The back-and-forth between Daniel and Al could be tightened to avoid redundancy.
  • The emotional tone of the scene is tense, but it lacks a deeper exploration of Daniel's motivations. While we see his frustration, it would be beneficial to hint at why he is so averse to negotiation. Is it purely about time, or is there a deeper fear of vulnerability in discussing business with others?
  • The visual elements, such as the map spread out on the desk, are effective in grounding the scene in a business context. However, incorporating more physical actions or reactions from Daniel could enhance the tension. For example, showing him tapping his fingers impatiently or pacing could visually represent his agitation.
  • The scene ends abruptly with Daniel's request for 'No Trespassing' signs, which feels somewhat disconnected from the earlier dialogue about Mr. Bandy. A smoother transition or a more explicit connection between the two topics could improve the flow.
Suggestions
  • Consider condensing the dialogue to eliminate repetitive phrases and streamline the conversation. This will help maintain the audience's interest and keep the pacing brisk.
  • Add a moment where Daniel reflects on his aversion to negotiation, perhaps through a brief internal monologue or a line that hints at his past experiences with negotiations that went poorly.
  • Incorporate more physicality into Daniel's performance. Small gestures or movements can convey his impatience and frustration more effectively than dialogue alone.
  • Enhance the connection between the discussion of Mr. Bandy and the request for 'No Trespassing' signs. Perhaps Daniel could express a concern that Bandy's hesitation might lead to complications in securing the land, linking the two topics more cohesively.
  • Consider adding a moment of tension where Al challenges Daniel's perspective, perhaps suggesting that a conversation with Bandy could yield unexpected benefits, which Daniel dismisses. This could create a more dynamic conflict within the scene.



Scene 22 -  Ceremony of Compromise
45 EXT. TRAIN DEPOT. DAY 45

DANIEL'S WORKERS GET OFF THE TRAIN. MURGINS, GHUNDA, BEN
BLAUT...AND SOME OTHER ROUGHNECKS-.They head off.

CUT TO:

46 EXT. SUNDAY RANCH. NEW ROAD. DAY. 46

There is a NEWLY MADE ROAD.-CAMERA moves over it and follows
a TEAM OF HORSES CARRYING A HUGE IRON STEAM ENGINE ...ANOTHER TEAM
OF HORSES CARRYING TONS OF LONG METAL PIPE-.THIS LEADS US AROUND
TO REVEAL:

THE FRESHLY BUILT DERRICK. IT'S FULLY ERECTED AND EIGHTY FEET
TALL. THERE IS A SMALL BASECAMP. TENTS/HOUSING for about TWENTY
WORKERS. THE DERRICK IS ABOUT 200 YARDS FROM THE SUNDAY HOUSE.

STEEL, MACHINERY, PEOPLE, A SMALL CAMP OF WORK.

CUT TO:

47 INT. ABANDONED RANCH HOUSE/NEW PLAINVIEW HOUSE. DAY. 47

A bit away from it all, H.W. and DANIEL have taken over an
abandoned ranch house that's been overgrown-It's being cleaned
up/furnished/etc.

CAMERA watches as H. w. seems to be in charge of this-.working
with the SUNDAYS: MARY and RUTH and MOTHER SUNDAY and making
suggestions, cleaning weeds, etc.

CUT TO:

48 EXT. SUNDAY RANCH/DERRICK AREA. DAY. 48

CAMERA leads/follows ELI as he moves around the construction
with a few FOLLOWERS from his CHURCH. They are handing out SMALL
CLOTH BUTTONS and inviting the new faces down to the Church-.Eli
is all smiles/cha~-
42



ELI
Hello, Brother. Hello. Good afternoon.
The Church Of the Third Revelation would
Love to welcome you and offer an oasis
of healing by the Holy Spirit...

The WORKERS take the BUTTONS.

ELI
You can just follow the new road
right to the Church... the new road will
lead you there.

ANGLE, DANIEL.
nearby, notices Eli moving about glad-handing.-He watches him
carefully:

49 ANGLE, DANIEL'S BASECAMP OFFICE. 49

The office is small, canvas walls, wood floor.

Inside, Daniel is with FLETCHER and MURGINS (his foreman.)
Eli knocks on the door;

ELI
Daniel, may I have a word?

DANIEL
yes.

ELI
is everything going alright
with everything?

DANIEL
Yes it is.

ELI
Good, good. Daniel, I understand
that you've asked everyone to come
around to watch the well start,
is that right?

DANIEL
I did.

ELI
I think that I should bless the well.

DANIEL
43



ELI
Do you think it would
be nice - I think it would
be nice if you introduced
me - I could come up the hill,
and just as I'm coming up the hill
and I arrive at the oil well -

DANIEL
-- the derrick.

ELI
Yes. At that moment, you could
introduce me.

DANIEL
When you walk up?

ELI
That's right.
And maybe you could say,
"The proud son of these hills •• "

DANIEL
when?

ELI
When you introduce me.
So you would see me walking up.
and then. as I arrived, you could
say, something, a few words and then
say: "and now: the proud son of these
hills, who tended his father's flock..."
and then you would say my name.

DANIEL
Sounds fine.

ELI
Good. will you remember the words?

DANIEL
Yes.

ELI
Would you like me to write them down?

DANIEL
I'll remember.
44



ELI
Good. And then we can proceed after
I say a few words to the followers
and the people. what happens then?

DANIEL
We'll start the drill.

ELI
Good. Does this sound good to you?

DANIEL
That's fine.

ELI
Should we practice it?

DANIEL
No.

ELI
What time?

DANIEL
What time is good for you, Eli?

ELI
One o clock.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In this scene, Daniel's workers arrive at the Sunday Ranch, where they are greeted by Eli from the Church of the Third Revelation, who seeks to engage them and promote his church. Meanwhile, Daniel and H.W. are cleaning an abandoned ranch house. Eli approaches Daniel to discuss the upcoming well blessing ceremony, requesting a dramatic introduction. Daniel, while cautious of Eli's intentions, agrees to his request, highlighting the tension between their differing motivations. The scene concludes with their agreement on the ceremony's timing, setting the stage for future interactions.
Strengths
  • Effective negotiation dynamics
  • Clear progression of events
  • Strong character development
Weaknesses
  • Limited emotional impact
  • Lack of action or visual variety

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene is well-structured, with a clear focus on the negotiation between Daniel and Eli. The tension and power dynamics are effectively portrayed, adding depth to the characters and advancing the plot.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of negotiating a blessing for the oil well adds depth to the characters and explores the power dynamics between Daniel and Eli. It introduces a new layer of conflict and tension to the narrative.

Plot: 8.5

The negotiation between Daniel and Eli drives the plot forward by introducing a new conflict and setting the stage for future developments. It adds complexity to the relationship between the characters and raises the stakes for the upcoming events.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a unique blend of industrial and religious elements, creating a fresh approach to the conflict between control and influence. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and contribute to the authenticity of the setting.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The scene delves into the characters of Daniel and Eli, showcasing their differing motivations and approaches to the situation. It adds depth to their personalities and sets the stage for further character development.

Character Changes: 8

The negotiation scene prompts subtle shifts in the characters of Daniel and Eli, revealing more about their personalities and motivations. It sets the stage for potential changes in their relationship moving forward.

Internal Goal: 8

Daniel's internal goal is to maintain control and authority over the oil drilling operation, as seen in his interactions with Eli and his decision-making process.

External Goal: 7

Daniel's external goal is to successfully start the drilling process for the oil well, as discussed with Eli and his workers.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The negotiation between Daniel and Eli introduces a significant level of conflict, both overt and subtle, as they navigate their differing agendas and power dynamics.

Opposition: 8

The opposition between Daniel and Eli is strong, with conflicting goals and values that create uncertainty for the audience.

High Stakes: 8

The negotiation between Daniel and Eli carries high stakes as it determines the future course of the oil well project and the relationship between the characters. The outcome of the negotiation will have significant consequences.

Story Forward: 9

The negotiation scene propels the story forward by introducing a new conflict and raising the stakes for the characters. It sets the stage for future developments and adds complexity to the narrative.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable due to the shifting power dynamics and conflicting goals of the characters, keeping the audience engaged.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

There is a philosophical conflict between Daniel's desire for control and Eli's religious influence over the workers. This challenges Daniel's worldview and values.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7.5

The scene evokes a sense of tension and anticipation, drawing the audience into the negotiation process between Daniel and Eli. While not highly emotional, it sets the stage for future emotional developments.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue in the scene is formal and tense, reflecting the power dynamics between Daniel and Eli. It effectively conveys the negotiation process and adds layers to the characters' interactions.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the power dynamics, conflicts, and character interactions that drive the narrative forward.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene builds tension and suspense, leading to a climactic moment between Daniel and Eli.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings and character actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with distinct settings and character interactions, contributing to the development of the plot and themes.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes the setting and the growing tension between Daniel and Eli, showcasing their contrasting motivations and personalities. However, the dialogue can feel overly expository at times, particularly Eli's insistence on the introduction. This could be streamlined to maintain a more natural flow.
  • Eli's character comes across as overly eager and somewhat insincere, which is effective in establishing his role as a manipulative figure. However, the scene could benefit from more subtlety in his approach to Daniel. Instead of directly asking for the introduction, Eli could use more indirect language or flattery to create a more layered interaction.
  • The pacing of the scene feels uneven. The back-and-forth between Daniel and Eli can drag, especially when Eli repeatedly asks about the introduction. This repetition can detract from the tension and urgency of the moment. A tighter exchange would enhance the dramatic stakes.
  • The visual descriptions are strong, particularly in establishing the setting of the Sunday Ranch and the derrick. However, the scene could benefit from more dynamic visual storytelling. For example, incorporating more action or reactions from the workers could heighten the sense of community and the stakes involved in the well blessing.
  • The emotional tone of the scene is somewhat flat, primarily focusing on the business aspect of the well blessing. Adding more emotional weight to Daniel's perspective—perhaps through internal conflict about Eli's presence—could deepen the audience's investment in the characters.
Suggestions
  • Consider tightening the dialogue between Daniel and Eli to eliminate repetitive phrases and create a more natural flow. Focus on making their exchanges feel more organic and less scripted.
  • Introduce more subtext in Eli's dialogue. Instead of directly asking for the introduction, have him compliment Daniel or express admiration for his work, which could create a more layered interaction.
  • Incorporate more visual storytelling elements, such as the reactions of the workers or the atmosphere of the camp, to enhance the scene's dynamism and emotional impact.
  • Explore Daniel's internal conflict regarding Eli's involvement. This could be expressed through his body language or brief internal monologues, adding depth to his character and the scene.
  • Consider adding a moment of tension or conflict during the well blessing discussion, such as a disagreement about the timing or the significance of the event, to raise the stakes and engage the audience further.



Scene 23 -  The Spudding In Ceremony
50 INT. ABANDONED RANCH HOUSE/NEW PLAINIEW COTTAGE. DAY 50

HW and DANIEL stand in this cleaned up abandoned ranch house.
It's been put together nicely;

DANIEL
You did a good job on the house, boy.

HW
thank you.

DANIEL
You ready?

They exit.

CUT TO:
45



51 EXT. THE ERECTED DERRICK - LATE AFTERNOON. 51

This is a "spudding in" ceremony. Everyone is around. Slowly,
we gather all the pieces of cast so far.

HOWARD SOMMERVILLE is here. AL ROSE is here ...

Sooner or later, revealing themselves: MORE OF THE TOWN OF
LITTLE BOSTON, VARIOUS MEMBERS AND RANCH OWNERS WHO HAVE
INTEREST OR WHO HAVE HAD THEIR LAND LEASED BY DANIEL.

H.W. walks proudly near his father. Daniel steps up to make a
speech. As he gathers to get ready, he notices, across the way
ELI's arrival with some FOLLOWERS from his church.

Daniel speaks to the crowd;

DANIEL
It's such a pleasureable evening
to be here and begin this --
One man doesn't prospect from the
ground - it takes a community of people.
And this is the best way - we stay together,
we pray together, we work together and we share
in the wealth together. Now before we spud in,
"Mary's Well Number One," named for the lovely
Ms. Mary Sunday who is with us today-

Mary smiles.

DANIEL
I'd like to say:
"God Bless Us All."

Eli waits for his signal.-Daniel passes him over and looks to HW.

DANIEL
Go ahead now, son.

H.W. moves a lever, which gives the engine a thump and the CHAIN
gives a PULL and the gears give a RATTLE and the ROTARY TABLE
starts to TURN, and down underneath the derrick - comes
the sound ---- of spudding in. So they've begun.

CU. THE EARTH.
The DRILL BIT MOVES INTO IT.

The NOISE IS VERY VERY LOUD. And it repeats. and repeats.
46



ELI lifts his head high, ignores that he's been ignored and
starts to leave-MEN begin to work the DERRICK. STAY and WATCH
THIS. HOLD.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama","Western"]

Summary In a cleaned-up abandoned ranch house, HW receives praise from Daniel for his hard work. They then attend a spudding in ceremony at an erected derrick, where Daniel delivers a speech about community and collaboration. HW operates the lever to start the drilling, marking the venture's beginning. However, Eli, who arrives with followers, is ignored by Daniel and decides to leave, highlighting the underlying tension between the two. The scene concludes with the loud noise of the drill as the community celebrates, but Eli feels overlooked.
Strengths
  • Effective introduction of key plot elements
  • Strong character interactions
  • Engaging dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Lack of major character development in this scene

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene is well-structured, with a clear purpose of initiating the drilling project and setting up future conflicts. It effectively combines elements of community, religion, and business, creating a compelling narrative.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of community involvement in a drilling project, religious symbolism, and the brewing conflict between Daniel and Eli is intriguing and adds depth to the narrative.

Plot: 8.5

The plot progresses effectively, introducing the drilling project, showcasing the community's participation, and hinting at future conflicts between characters.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on the themes of community, progress, and conflict in a small town setting. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and contribute to the scene's originality.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-developed, with Daniel's leadership, H.W.'s pride, and Eli's religious fervor coming through effectively. Their interactions add layers to the scene.

Character Changes: 7

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, subtle shifts in dynamics and tensions between characters are introduced.

Internal Goal: 8

HW's internal goal is to prove himself to his father and be acknowledged for his hard work and contribution to the house and the ceremony.

External Goal: 9

Daniel's external goal is to successfully start the drilling process and establish his presence and authority in the community.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

There is a subtle conflict brewing between Daniel and Eli, hinted at through their interactions and contrasting approaches to the ceremony.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting beliefs and motivations between Daniel, HW, and Eli creating tension and uncertainty for the audience.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high as the success of the drilling project could bring wealth and power to Daniel, while conflicts with Eli could jeopardize his plans.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by initiating the drilling project, introducing conflicts, and setting up future plot developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected arrival of Eli and his followers, adding a layer of tension and conflict to the ceremony.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict is between Daniel's vision of community and shared wealth versus Eli's individualistic and religious beliefs. This challenges Daniel's values of unity and cooperation.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7.5

The scene evokes a sense of pride, hope, and tension, especially with H.W.'s involvement in the ceremony and the underlying conflicts between characters.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is engaging, with Daniel's speech setting the tone for the ceremony, and subtle interactions between characters revealing underlying tensions.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the anticipation and tension leading up to the 'spudding in' ceremony, as well as the interpersonal dynamics between the characters.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and anticipation leading up to the 'spudding in' ceremony, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the outcome.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting that enhance readability.

Structure: 9

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution that drive the narrative forward effectively.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the significance of the 'spudding in' ceremony, showcasing the community's involvement and Daniel's leadership. However, the dialogue could be more dynamic. Daniel's speech feels somewhat generic and lacks emotional weight. It would benefit from more personal anecdotes or a stronger connection to the characters present, particularly to H.W. and Mary, to enhance the emotional stakes.
  • The transition from the abandoned ranch house to the derrick is visually clear, but the pacing could be improved. The scene feels rushed, especially during Daniel's speech. Allowing for more pauses or reactions from the crowd could build anticipation and emphasize the importance of the moment.
  • Eli's presence is introduced but not fully utilized. His ignored signal could be a more significant moment of tension. Consider expanding on Eli's reaction to being overlooked, which could add depth to their rivalry and highlight the power dynamics at play.
  • The sound design is crucial in this scene, especially with the loud noise of the drill. However, the script could benefit from more descriptive language to convey the atmosphere. Describing the crowd's reactions to the noise or the physical sensations of the moment could enhance the reader's immersion.
  • The scene ends abruptly with the drill starting. While this creates a sense of action, it might leave the audience wanting more resolution or reflection on the ceremony's significance. A brief moment of silence or a shared look between Daniel and H.W. after the drill starts could provide a more satisfying conclusion.
Suggestions
  • Revise Daniel's speech to include more personal touches or anecdotes that resonate with the audience and the characters present, making it feel more heartfelt and less formulaic.
  • Slow down the pacing during the speech to allow for audience reactions and build tension. Consider adding moments where the crowd responds to Daniel's words, enhancing the communal atmosphere.
  • Expand on Eli's character by including a brief internal monologue or reaction to being ignored, which could deepen the conflict between him and Daniel.
  • Incorporate more sensory details to describe the atmosphere during the ceremony, such as the crowd's excitement, the heat of the day, or the vibrations from the machinery, to create a more immersive experience.
  • Add a moment of reflection or connection between Daniel and H.W. after the drill starts, perhaps through a shared look or a brief exchange, to emphasize their bond and the significance of the moment.



Scene 24 -  A Moment of Concern
52 EXT. DERRICK AREA. SUNDAY FARM. DUSK. 52

This is later that night. A small celebration and dinner has
happened. At a long table, the last of some food. Various
Little Boston residents. H.W. is running around with Mary.
Daniel has maybe had a little too much to drink.

Mary comes over and Daniel speaks to her, right in front
of Abel:

DANIEL
I like your new dress, Mary.

MARY
Thank you.

DANIEL
Your welcome. I knew you would like it.
Are you happy that I came here?

MARY
Yes.

DANIEL
Daddy doesn't hit you anymore does he?
does he now? he better not, right?
I'll take care of you.

He leans in and holds her shoulder's kindly;

DANIEL
No more hitting, right? no more hitting.
Now go. go play some more and don't
come back!

She runs off. HOLD. Daniel holds a look on Abel, who looks away.
Daniel gets up, walks off ...

CUT TO:
47
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary During a small celebration at the Sunday farm, Daniel, slightly intoxicated, expresses concern for Mary’s safety, asking if her father still hits her and assuring her he will take care of her. After complimenting her dress, he instructs her to go play, leading to a significant but tense exchange with Abel before Daniel walks away, leaving the underlying conflict unresolved.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character dynamics
  • Tension building
Weaknesses
  • Limited action
  • Lack of external conflict

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene is emotionally charged, revealing layers of character dynamics and setting up potential conflicts. The dialogue and actions create a tense atmosphere, keeping the audience engaged.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring the darker aspects of the characters' relationships and setting up potential conflicts is well-executed. The scene effectively delves into the emotional dynamics between Daniel, Mary, and Abel.

Plot: 8

The plot progression in the scene focuses on character relationships and tensions, setting the stage for future conflicts. It adds depth to the narrative and hints at upcoming developments.

Originality: 8

The scene presents a fresh approach to the theme of power dynamics and control within a small community, with authentic character interactions and dialogue that feel true to the setting and context.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed in this scene, with Daniel's protective nature and Mary's vulnerability shining through. The tension between Daniel and Abel adds layers to their dynamic, enhancing the overall impact.

Character Changes: 8

The scene hints at potential character growth and changes, especially in Daniel's protective instincts towards Mary. It sets the stage for further development and evolution of the characters.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to assert his dominance and control over Mary, showcasing his possessiveness and need for power and protection.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to establish his authority and protect Mary from potential harm, reflecting his immediate circumstances and the challenges he faces in maintaining control over his surroundings.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict in the scene is subtle but palpable, with tensions simmering beneath the surface. The interactions between the characters hint at deeper conflicts to come, adding depth to the narrative.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting values and power dynamics creating a sense of uncertainty and conflict for the characters.

High Stakes: 7

While the stakes are not overtly high in this scene, the emotional and relational dynamics between the characters hint at potential conflicts with significant consequences. The scene sets the stage for higher stakes to come.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by deepening character relationships and tensions. It sets up future conflicts and developments, adding complexity to the narrative.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected confrontational dialogue and the shifting power dynamics between characters, keeping the audience on edge.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the protagonist's belief in his right to control and protect Mary conflicting with Abel's potential disapproval or resistance to his actions. This challenges the protagonist's values of power and dominance.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions, particularly in the interactions between Daniel and Mary. The vulnerability and protectiveness portrayed create a poignant and memorable moment for the audience.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is impactful, revealing the emotional depth of the characters and driving the scene forward. It effectively conveys the underlying tensions and relationships between the characters.

Engagement: 8

This scene is engaging because of the intense character dynamics and conflict, as well as the underlying tension and unease created by the dialogue and actions.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and suspense through the characters' interactions and dialogue, leading to a climactic moment.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of the scene adheres to the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings and concise action lines.

Structure: 9

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear character motivations and conflict driving the narrative forward.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the tension between Daniel and Abel, showcasing Daniel's protective nature towards Mary while simultaneously highlighting Abel's discomfort. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext; Daniel's intentions are clear, but the emotional weight of the moment could be deepened by hinting at his own troubled past or motivations.
  • Daniel's drunkenness is mentioned but not fully explored in the dialogue or actions. This could be an opportunity to show how his inebriation affects his judgment and interactions, perhaps leading to more erratic behavior or revealing insecurities that could add depth to his character.
  • The scene lacks a strong visual element that could enhance the emotional stakes. For instance, incorporating more sensory details about the celebration, such as the sounds of laughter or the sight of the sunset, could create a more immersive atmosphere and contrast with the underlying tension.
  • The dialogue between Daniel and Mary feels somewhat one-dimensional. While it serves the purpose of establishing Daniel's protective nature, it could be enriched by including more nuanced exchanges that reflect their relationship dynamics, perhaps showing Mary's hesitance or confusion about Daniel's intentions.
  • The ending of the scene, where Daniel holds a look on Abel, is effective in conveying tension, but it could be strengthened by including Abel's internal conflict or a reaction that hints at his feelings towards Daniel's interference in his family life. This would add layers to their relationship and set up future conflicts.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more subtext to Daniel's dialogue, allowing for a deeper exploration of his character and motivations. This could involve him reflecting on his own abusive past or expressing vulnerability in a way that resonates with Mary.
  • Utilize Daniel's drunkenness as a narrative tool to create tension. Show how it affects his behavior, perhaps leading to moments of clarity or confusion that reveal his inner turmoil.
  • Enhance the sensory details of the celebration to create a more vivid atmosphere. Describe the sounds, smells, and sights of the event to contrast with the serious undertones of the conversation.
  • Revise the dialogue between Daniel and Mary to include more complexity. Allow Mary to express her feelings or doubts about Daniel's promises, which could create a more dynamic interaction.
  • Expand on Abel's reaction to Daniel's conversation with Mary. This could involve a physical response or an internal monologue that reveals his feelings of inadequacy or resentment, setting the stage for future confrontations.



Scene 25 -  The Urgency of Night
53 INT. PLANVIEW COTTAGE - NIGHT 53

DANIEL. He's asleep, so is HW. AN OIL WORKER, BEN BLAUT knocks
on the door. no answer. they don't wake up.

Ben enters the house. HW hears him, wakes;

HW
It's ok son, I'm here to talk to
your dad. It's Ben Blaut."

BEN tries to wake up Daniel.

BEN (to Daniel)
Sir. Sir. Sir.

He gently touches him to wake him- nothing. He talks louder.
He pushes him. he really tries hard to get him to wake up.
His eyes open, but his body doesn't move.

BEN
A man fell into the well.

DANIEL
What man?

BEN
Joe Gundha.

DANIEL
When was it?

BEN
Just ten minutes ago.
We were changing the bit, and this
fellow went down into the cellar
for some reason - nobody thought
about him for a while. he had
no business being there.

DANIEL
you're sure he went down?

BEN
we got a bit of his shirt when we
went fishing with the hook.

CUT TO:
48

54 THE IMAGE. 54

SHOW how it happened. Watch, in detail as this man JOE GUNDHA is
working around the hole, under the main stage of the derrick,
this is called, "the cellar" - he is working around deep,
slippery mud and thin sheets of oil -- without slipping a cover
over the hole - the dirt caves in about the edges, so that the
top of the hole is a kind of funnel, it's edges slippery with
mud.-Joe Gundha takes his chances - and slides around, falls on
the edge of the pit, straight down, head FIRST.

FALLING, SLIPPING DOWN FIFTEEN FEET. THIS IS SHOWN IN DETAIL.
VERY GRAPHIC. HIS HEAD LANDS IN THE MUD AND BEGINS TO DROWN.
THE HOLE IS VERY VERY THIN - BUT HIS WEIGHT AND THE SLIDE KEEPS
TAKING HIM DOWN WITH ONE ARM EXTENDED AND ONE ARM PINNED TO HIS
SIDE.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In this tense nighttime scene, oil worker Ben Blaut arrives at Daniel's cottage to urgently inform him that Joe Gundha has fallen into a well. Initially unresponsive, Daniel eventually engages with Ben, who explains the accident and the retrieval of a piece of Joe's shirt. The scene shifts to a graphic depiction of Joe's struggle in the mud, emphasizing the dangerous conditions and the urgency of the situation.
Strengths
  • Detailed and graphic depiction of the accident
  • High emotional impact
  • Effective tension and suspense
Weaknesses
  • Graphic nature of the accident may be disturbing to some viewers

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene is well-crafted with a high level of tension and suspense due to the graphic depiction of the accident. It effectively conveys the seriousness and intensity of the situation.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene revolves around a tragic accident, highlighting the dangers of working in the oil industry. It effectively conveys the risks and consequences of such work.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene focuses on the aftermath of the accident and its impact on the characters involved. It adds depth to the story and raises the stakes for the main characters.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a unique and high-stakes situation with the man falling into the well, adding a fresh and suspenseful element to the story. The dialogue and actions of the characters feel authentic and realistic.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters in the scene react realistically to the tragic accident, showcasing their emotions and concerns. Their interactions add depth to the narrative and engage the audience.

Character Changes: 7

The characters in the scene experience a shift in their emotions and perspectives due to the tragic accident. It leads to a deeper understanding of the risks involved in their work.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to wake up and respond to the news of the man falling into the well. This reflects his sense of responsibility and duty towards his workers.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to assess the situation and potentially rescue the man who fell into the well. This reflects the immediate challenge he is facing in managing the oil field operations.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The scene is filled with internal and external conflicts, including the danger of working in the oil industry, the consequences of the accident, and the emotional turmoil of the characters.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the life-threatening situation presenting a significant challenge for the protagonist and creating uncertainty for the audience.

High Stakes: 9

The scene has high stakes due to the tragic accident and its potential consequences for the characters and their livelihoods. It raises the tension and urgency of the narrative.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing a significant event that impacts the characters and sets the stage for future developments. It adds depth to the narrative and raises the stakes for the main characters.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the sudden and shocking event of the man falling into the well, creating uncertainty and tension for the characters and the audience.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict is between the value of human life and the risks involved in dangerous work environments. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs about the importance of safety and the value of his workers' lives.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact due to the graphic depiction of the tragic accident and the reactions of the characters. It evokes a strong sense of empathy and concern from the audience.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue in the scene is minimal but impactful, conveying the urgency and seriousness of the situation. It effectively enhances the tension and drama of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the high stakes, intense dialogue, and dramatic visuals, keeping the audience on the edge of their seats.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the outcome.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is appropriate for its genre, with clear scene headings and descriptive action lines.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear and coherent structure, effectively building tension and suspense as the situation unfolds.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes a sense of urgency and danger with the introduction of Joe Gundha's accident. However, the transition from Daniel's domestic setting to the graphic depiction of the accident feels abrupt. The shift could benefit from a more gradual build-up to enhance the emotional impact.
  • The dialogue between Ben and Daniel is functional but lacks emotional depth. Daniel's initial disorientation could be used to explore his character further, perhaps revealing his state of mind or exhaustion from the pressures of his business. This would create a stronger connection between the audience and Daniel.
  • The graphic depiction of Joe's fall is vivid and impactful, but it may come off as overly sensational without sufficient context or emotional resonance. The audience might benefit from a brief moment of reflection from Daniel or Ben before the cut to the accident, allowing them to process the gravity of the situation.
  • The scene lacks a clear emotional arc. While it introduces a crisis, it doesn't explore the implications of Joe's accident on Daniel or the workers. Adding a moment of reflection or a reaction from Daniel after learning about the accident could deepen the emotional stakes.
  • The pacing of the scene feels uneven. The initial dialogue is slow and methodical, while the cut to the graphic depiction is sudden and jarring. A smoother transition could help maintain the tension and keep the audience engaged.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment where Daniel struggles to wake up, perhaps showing his internal conflict or exhaustion, which would provide insight into his character and set the tone for the urgency of the situation.
  • Introduce a brief moment of dialogue or reflection from Ben before the cut to the accident. This could serve to heighten the tension and allow the audience to connect emotionally with the impending tragedy.
  • After the graphic depiction of Joe's fall, include a reaction from Daniel that conveys his feelings about the accident. This could be a moment of shock, anger, or guilt, which would add depth to his character and the narrative.
  • To improve pacing, consider interspersing the dialogue with brief moments of silence or tension-building visuals that reflect the gravity of the situation, allowing the audience to absorb the information before the cut to the accident.
  • Explore the aftermath of the accident in subsequent scenes, showing how it affects Daniel's relationships with his workers and his business decisions, thereby creating a more cohesive narrative thread.



Scene 26 -  Burden of Despair
55 INT. PLAINVIEW COTTAGE - CONTD. 55

DANIEL
can you hear anything?

BEN
no.

DANIEL
Well: he's drowned in the mud.

CUT TO:

56 INT. THE WELL. 56

THE IMAGE AGAIN. CAMERA UNDERNEATH THE MUD. WATCHING THIS MAN
DIE INSIDE THIS HORRIBLE DEATH.

CUT TO:

57 INT. PLAINVIEW COTTAGE - CONTD. 57

Daniel is up and getting dressed now, HW stays in bed;

DANIEL
GODDAMMIT! GODDAMNIT! THIS MAKES ME
WANT OUT OF THIS STUPID MISERABLE
BUSSINESS. DAMMIT. DAMMIT.
DAMMIT. GOD. DAMMIT. HOW CAN YOU
HELP PEOPLE IF THEY DON'T HELP
THEMSELVES, THIS MISERABLE
LIFE OF THIS BUSSINESS.
49

CUT TO:

58 EXT. DERRICK - NIGHT. 58

DANIEL and the WORKERS are working with a THREE PRONGED GRAB.

It's essentially a CLAW that they are bending to fit down
the hole. They get the metal bent and attach it and then start
it's descent down the hole.-They've ripped up the floor boards on
the base of the derrick to make more room ---

58A ANGLE, INSIDE THE HOLE, WITH THE BODY. LOOKING UP. 58A
Various angles that show the BODY. and the claw coming down
towards it

ANGLE, THE BODY.
The claw rips into the flesh and tears it up.

58B THE BODY IS PULLED UP AND OUT OF THE HOLE, COVERED IN MUD AND 58B
BLOOD.

CAMERA notices, on the body, is the CLOTH PIN from Eli's church.

DANIEL (to the Men)
THERE IS A COVER FOR THE HOLE AND
IF ANY MAN GOES DOWN INTO THE CELLAR
YOU SLIP IT INTO PLACE. THAT IS THE
WAY. THAT IS THE WAY WE DO THINGS.

Daniel walks off.

CUT TO:

59 INT. LIVING QUARTERS. MORNING. 59

DANIEL and FLETCHER and MURGINS are collecting the dead JOE
GHUNDA's belongings. There are some books and clothes, but
mainly RELIGIOUS ITEMS. BIBLE, CROSSES, PICTURES OF JESUS,
MARY, ETC.

DANIEL packs these things up and looks closely at them, then;

CUT TO:
50
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In a dark and tense scene, Daniel and Ben confront the grim reality of a man who has drowned in mud. Daniel's frustration with the inability to help those who don't help themselves is palpable as they retrieve the body using a claw mechanism, gruesomely tearing into the flesh. The retrieval reveals a cloth pin from Eli's church, highlighting the deceased's connection to faith. Afterward, Daniel instructs the workers on properly covering the hole to prevent further accidents and collects the man's belongings, primarily religious items, reflecting on the somber nature of their work.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Intense conflict
  • Powerful visuals
Weaknesses
  • Dark and somber tone may be too heavy for some audiences

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene is impactful, emotionally charged, and sets a somber tone. It effectively portrays the consequences of the characters' actions and introduces a significant turning point in the narrative.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of tragedy and internal conflict is effectively explored in the scene, adding depth to the narrative and shedding light on the darker aspects of the characters' lives.

Plot: 8.5

The plot progresses significantly with the introduction of the tragic event, setting the stage for further character development and conflicts. It adds layers to the story and raises the stakes for the characters.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces unique situations such as retrieving a body from a well and exploring the protagonist's internal struggles. The dialogue feels authentic and adds to the gritty atmosphere of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters' reactions to the tragedy reveal new facets of their personalities and motivations. It deepens the audience's understanding of their complexities and sets the stage for potential growth.

Character Changes: 8

The tragic event prompts a shift in the characters' perspectives and emotions, leading to potential growth and development in future scenes.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to express his frustration and disillusionment with his business and the people he tries to help. It reflects his deeper need for control and success, his fear of failure, and his desire for validation.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to retrieve a body from a well and handle the aftermath of the death. It reflects the immediate challenge of dealing with a tragic situation and maintaining control over his business operations.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8.5

The conflict in the scene is intense, both externally with the tragic event and internally with Daniel's emotional turmoil. It creates tension and drives the narrative forward.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing challenges from external forces, moral dilemmas, and conflicting values that create tension and uncertainty.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in the scene due to the tragic death and its implications for the characters and their relationships. It raises the tension and sets the stage for further drama.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by introducing a major plot point and setting the stage for future conflicts and developments. It adds depth and complexity to the narrative.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in the plot, the characters' conflicting motivations, and the moral ambiguity of the protagonist's actions.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the protagonist's struggle with the idea of helping people who don't help themselves. It challenges his beliefs about the nature of his business and the value of his efforts.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking feelings of grief, anger, and empathy in the audience. It leaves a lasting impression and deepens the connection to the characters.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue in the scene is impactful, conveying the characters' emotions and conflicts effectively. It adds depth to the narrative and enhances the overall tone of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense emotions, dramatic events, and moral dilemmas that keep the audience invested in the protagonist's journey.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension, highlighting key moments, and maintaining the audience's interest throughout.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is consistent with the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings and descriptions of actions and dialogue.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with distinct beats and transitions between different locations. It maintains a cohesive narrative flow.


Critique
  • The scene effectively conveys the grim reality of the oil business and the dangers faced by workers, particularly through the visceral imagery of the drowning man and the subsequent retrieval of his body. This stark contrast between the mundane setting of the cottage and the horrific event creates a powerful emotional impact.
  • Daniel's dialogue reflects his frustration and despair, which is a strong character moment that reveals his internal conflict about the morality of his business. However, the repetition of 'DAMMIT' could be seen as excessive and may dilute the emotional weight of his outburst. A more varied expression of his feelings could enhance the scene.
  • The transition between the cottage and the well is effective in maintaining tension, but the abrupt cuts could be smoother. Consider using sound design or visual motifs to bridge these moments, enhancing the viewer's emotional journey.
  • The introduction of the claw mechanism is a practical detail that adds realism to the scene, but it could benefit from a brief moment of hesitation or discussion among the workers before they proceed. This would heighten the tension and emphasize the gravity of the situation.
  • The discovery of the cloth pin from Eli's church on the body is a poignant detail that ties the themes of faith and tragedy together. However, the significance of this moment could be further explored through Daniel's reaction. Does he feel guilt, anger, or a sense of irony? A more nuanced response could deepen the thematic resonance.
Suggestions
  • Consider reducing the repetition of 'DAMMIT' in Daniel's dialogue. Instead, explore different ways for him to express his frustration, perhaps through more descriptive language or varied sentence structures.
  • Enhance the transitions between the cottage and the well by incorporating sound effects or visual cues that connect the two locations, creating a more cohesive flow.
  • Introduce a moment of hesitation or discussion among the workers before they use the claw to retrieve the body. This could build tension and emphasize the seriousness of the situation.
  • Expand on Daniel's reaction to finding the cloth pin on the body. This could involve a moment of reflection or a change in his demeanor that highlights the emotional and thematic implications of the discovery.
  • Consider adding a brief flashback or memory that illustrates Daniel's past experiences with loss or tragedy in the oil business, providing context for his emotional state and deepening the audience's understanding of his character.



Scene 27 -  Faith and Miracles
60 INT. ELI'S CHURCH. DAY 60

Eli is going full throttle:

ELI SUNDAY
-.and from that day to this when a man
has been a sinner and has covered himself,
it has been by and through faith in the shed
blood of Jesus Christ. Every Jew covered
his sins and received pardon through the
blood of the rams and the doves!
An infidel that I met in Isabella County
said to me once, (mimics voice)
"But I Don't Believe In Atonement
Through Blood. It Doesn't Come Up
To My Ideas Of What Is Right."
I SAID: "TO HELL WITH YOUR IDEAS OF
WHAT IS RIGHT. DO YOU THINK GOD IS COMING
DOWN HERE TO CONSULT YOU WITH YOUR
GREAT INTELLECT AND WONDERFUL BRAIN
AND FIND OUT WHAT YOU THINK IS RIGHT BEFORE
HE DOES IT? YOU MAKE ME SICK! YOU THINK
THAT BECAUSE YOU DON'T BELIEVE THAT IT
ISN'T TRUE? FOOL!"

ANGLE, MOMENTS LATER.
ELI is healing an OLDER WOMAN who is handicap and frail.
He is casting the evil spirits out and holding her head -
pushing out the spirits, shouting and whispering in unison until
she is up and walking and speaking in tongues;

ELI SUNDAY
THAT IS WHAT'S RIGHT! THAT IS WHAT'S
RIGHT YOU DUMMIES WHO DON'T BELIEVE!
YOU THINK GOD IS JUST GONNA STAND
BY AND LISTEN TO YOUR SNIVELING AND
CRYING ABOUT WHAT YOU BELIEVE?! DUMMIES!

ANGLE, IN THE BACK OF THE CHURCH.
DANIEL is watching Eli's show...HOLD.

ELI SUNDAY
HALLELUJIAH! IT'S A MIRACLE, LOOK AT HER
WALK 1 WALK TO ME 1 WALK TO JESUS ! WALK! WALK!

CUT TO:
51
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In a fervent church setting, Eli Sunday delivers a passionate sermon on the power of faith in Jesus Christ, confronting an infidel's disbelief with anger. He performs a miraculous healing on an older woman, transforming her from frailty to vitality as she walks and speaks in tongues. The scene culminates with Eli triumphantly urging her to walk towards Jesus, celebrating the miracle in front of the congregation.
Strengths
  • Intense performance by Eli
  • Powerful thematic exploration of faith and belief
  • Emotional impact of the healing scene
Weaknesses
  • Limited plot progression
  • Lack of interaction with other characters

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys the intensity and passion of Eli's preaching, creating a powerful and engaging moment for the audience.


Story Content

Concept: 8.5

The concept of showcasing the power of faith and belief through Eli's preaching is compelling and well-executed.

Plot: 7

While the plot doesn't progress significantly in this scene, it serves to deepen the audience's understanding of Eli's character and the religious themes of the story.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh approach to the theme of faith and healing, with a unique portrayal of a charismatic preacher and his interactions with the congregation.


Character Development

Characters: 9

Eli's character is vividly portrayed through his passionate preaching and healing, showcasing his charisma and influence within the community.

Character Changes: 7

Eli's character is further developed through his intense performance, showcasing his influence and charisma.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to assert his beliefs and authority as a preacher, showcasing his unwavering faith and conviction in his message.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to demonstrate the power of faith and healing through his actions, convincing the audience of his abilities and message.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

While there is an underlying conflict between different beliefs and ideologies, it is not the primary focus of the scene.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the conflict between faith and skepticism creating a challenging dynamic that drives the narrative forward.

High Stakes: 7

The high stakes are implied through the intense belief and faith of the characters, especially Eli, in the power of their religion.

Story Forward: 6

The scene does not significantly move the main plot forward but adds depth to the religious themes and Eli's character.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable in its portrayal of faith healing and the conflict between belief and skepticism, keeping the audience unsure of the outcome.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between faith and skepticism, as Eli challenges the beliefs of an infidel and asserts the power of faith in healing and atonement.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions through Eli's passionate preaching and the healing of the woman, creating a powerful and memorable moment.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is intense and impactful, reflecting the fervor of Eli's preaching and the themes of faith and belief.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its intense dialogue, dramatic tension, and the dynamic interactions between the characters, keeping the audience captivated.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, with a rhythmic flow of dialogue and action that keeps the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene adheres to the expected format for a screenplay, with clear scene descriptions, character dialogue, and action lines.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format for a dramatic church setting, with clear character interactions and a progression of events that build tension and conflict.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures Eli's fervor and charisma as a preacher, showcasing his ability to engage the congregation. However, the dialogue can feel overly aggressive and one-dimensional, which may alienate some viewers. Eli's character could benefit from more nuanced motivations or vulnerabilities to make him more relatable.
  • The transition from Eli's sermon to the healing act is visually compelling, but the pacing feels rushed. The audience may struggle to fully absorb the weight of Eli's words before moving on to the miracle. A slower build-up could enhance the emotional impact of both the sermon and the healing.
  • Eli's confrontation with the infidel is a strong moment that highlights his passion, but it risks coming off as preachy or didactic. This could detract from the authenticity of the character. Instead of a direct confrontation, consider incorporating more subtlety in Eli's responses to differing beliefs, which could create a more engaging conflict.
  • The use of the older woman as a subject of Eli's healing is powerful, but the scene could explore her perspective more. Providing a brief moment of her thoughts or feelings before and after the healing could deepen the emotional resonance and give the audience a more personal connection to the miracle.
  • Daniel's presence in the back of the church serves as a good visual cue for the tension between him and Eli, but his reaction is not explored. Adding a moment of internal conflict or contemplation for Daniel could enhance the dramatic stakes and foreshadow future confrontations.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment of reflection for Eli after his aggressive outburst, allowing the audience to see a glimpse of his vulnerability or doubt, which could make him a more complex character.
  • Introduce a brief interaction or reaction from the congregation during Eli's sermon to showcase the varying beliefs and emotions within the audience, adding depth to the scene.
  • Slow down the pacing between Eli's sermon and the healing act to allow the audience to fully absorb the significance of his words and the emotional weight of the moment.
  • Incorporate a short dialogue or internal monologue from the older woman before and after her healing to provide insight into her character and enhance the emotional stakes of the miracle.
  • Explore Daniel's internal conflict more explicitly by showing his reactions to Eli's sermon and healing, which could set the stage for future confrontations and deepen the narrative tension.



Scene 28 -  Divine Revelations and Human Tragedies
61 INT. CHURCH. LATER. 61

Daniel approaches Eli at the front of the Church. Eli is going
over some plans to break the back wall of the church down and
add-on ...there is some pre-construction work already...FOLLOWERS and
a few members of DANIEL'S CREW are there-.go about their
business as Daniel and Eli speak;

DANIEL
Hello, Eli.

ELI
Daniel.

DANIEL
.-we had a tragedy at the well
last night.

ELI
Yes I heard_.

Eli holds up his hand for silence, and makes a silent prayer to
himself, then looks up:

DANIEL
Joe Ghunda was a deeply faithful
man and I was hoping you might
speak at his burial.

ELI
...Daniel: This accident could have
been avoided. It's terrible to think
of that drilling well working
away up there unblessed

DANIEL
Yes it could have. These men work
in twelve hour shifts and they need
their rest. If they don't have it they
make stupid mistakes.

ELI
I've seen some of the men drinking
alcohol - do you think that has something
to do with it?
52




DANIEL
We need these men rested to bring
this well in - some of them can't
get it if they're coming here for
your gospel - and then the well can't
produce and blow gold all over the place.

BEAT.

ELI
-I wish I'd had more time with
Joe Ghunda...more could have been done._

DANIEL
We'd be honored to have you speak at
his burial tomorrow. We can do it at
noon if that's alright with you?

ELI
That would be fine.

DANIEL
Are you planning some renovations?

ELI
I had a vision from the
Holy Spirit that we'd be needing more room
at the Church of the Third Revelation.
He explained to me I was to break down this
wall, for his visits would be often -

BEAT. Daniel regards the church;

DANIEL
I must confess that I only know of two
revelations ... there's one in the old
testament and one in the new testament ...
is that right?

ELI
That's right, Daniel.

DANIEL
What is the Third?

ELI
Me ......._ I am the Third Revelation.

CUT TO:
53

62 EXT. DERRICK FLOOR - THAT MOMENT - DAY 62

Daniel and the Workers - they feel this and there are INSTANT
CALLS TO STOP AND HOLD THE WORK -

BEN BLAUT
HOLD! HOLD! WAIT!

Feeling the drill, realizing something has happened down below.
HOLD FOR A FEW MOMENTS as this is worked with, then:

BEN BLAUT and DANIEL confer;

BEN BLAUT
We've gotta twist off.

DANIEL
how far are we?

BEN BLAUT
900 ft.

He nods as if to say, "go ahead."

So begins the process of "twisting off." Which means; THE MEN
HAVE TO LIFT EVERY INCH OF THE 900 FT OF PIPE UP AND OUT,
UNSCREW IT IN 15 FT. SECTIONS, FOUR JOINTS AT A TIME, "BREAKING
OUT," THEY CALL IT, UNTIL YOU FIND OUT WHERE THE "BREAK" IS.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In a church, Daniel confronts Eli about the recent tragedy at the well involving Joe Ghunda, asking him to speak at the burial. They discuss the dire working conditions of the men, highlighting issues of alcohol and fatigue. Eli expresses his belief that he is the Third Revelation, creating tension between their differing views on the situation. The scene concludes with a transition to the workers at the derrick floor, shifting focus from their conversation to the realities of the drilling operation.
Strengths
  • Effective tension building
  • Detailed technical description
  • Emotional depth in dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Lack of character development
  • Limited action

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys tension and seriousness through the discussion of the accident and the technical process involved. The clash of beliefs and practicality adds depth to the narrative, and the scene sets up further conflict and character development.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring the aftermath of a tragic accident, the clash of beliefs, and the technical process of 'twisting off' is engaging and adds layers to the narrative. It sets the stage for further developments and character arcs.

Plot: 8.5

The plot is advanced significantly through the discussion of the accident, the introduction of the 'twisting off' process, and the conflict between Daniel and Eli. It sets up future events and adds depth to the characters' motivations.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh approach to exploring the intersection of faith and work, with authentic dialogue and character interactions.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters of Daniel and Eli are well-developed in this scene, showcasing their differing perspectives on the accident and their beliefs. The interaction between them adds complexity to their relationship and hints at future conflicts.

Character Changes: 7

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the interaction between Daniel and Eli hints at potential shifts in their relationship and beliefs. The scene sets the stage for future character development.

Internal Goal: 8

Daniel's internal goal is to honor the memory of Joe Ghunda and ensure a proper burial for him. This reflects Daniel's sense of responsibility and care for his workers.

External Goal: 7

Daniel's external goal is to address the issues surrounding the accident at the well and prevent future incidents. This reflects his leadership and problem-solving skills.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between Daniel and Eli, as well as the internal conflict surrounding the accident and beliefs, creates a tense atmosphere in the scene. The clash of ideologies and practical concerns heightens the stakes.

Opposition: 7

The opposition between Eli's spiritual beliefs and Daniel's practical concerns creates a strong conflict that drives the scene forward.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are high in this scene due to the tragic accident, the clash of beliefs, and the technical challenges faced by the characters. The consequences of negligence and the potential impact on the well add urgency to the narrative.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by addressing the aftermath of the accident, introducing the technical process of 'twisting off,' and deepening the conflict between characters. It sets up future events and developments.

Unpredictability: 7

The scene is unpredictable in terms of how the characters will resolve the conflict between faith and practicality, keeping the audience engaged.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the clash between faith and practicality. Eli represents the spiritual perspective, while Daniel focuses on the practical aspects of running the operation.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a sense of concern, regret, and tension, drawing the audience into the emotional turmoil of the characters. The tragic nature of the accident and the clash of beliefs add emotional depth to the narrative.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is impactful, conveying the tension between Daniel and Eli, the technical details of the 'twisting off' process, and the emotional weight of the accident. It drives the scene forward and reveals important character traits.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to the emotional depth of the characters, the tension surrounding the accident, and the philosophical conflict between Eli and Daniel.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience invested in the characters' dilemmas.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to the expected format for a screenplay, making it easy to follow and understand.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format that effectively conveys the characters' goals and conflicts.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes the tension between Daniel and Eli, showcasing their differing priorities and perspectives on faith and work. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext to deepen the conflict. For instance, Eli's assertion that the accident could have been avoided feels somewhat flat; exploring his emotional investment in the tragedy could add layers to his character.
  • Daniel's character is portrayed as pragmatic and somewhat dismissive of Eli's spiritual concerns. While this is consistent with his character, the dialogue could be more dynamic. Instead of simply stating facts about the men's working conditions, Daniel could express frustration or anger, which would heighten the emotional stakes of the conversation.
  • The pacing of the scene feels uneven. The transition from the serious topic of Joe Ghunda's death to the discussion about renovations in the church is abrupt. A smoother transition or a more gradual shift in tone could enhance the flow of the scene.
  • Eli's declaration of being the 'Third Revelation' is a pivotal moment, but it lacks the dramatic weight it could carry. This revelation should feel like a climax of the conversation, but it comes off as an afterthought. Building up to this moment with more tension or conflict could make it more impactful.
  • The visual elements of the church and the pre-construction work are mentioned but not fully utilized. Describing the setting in more detail could help ground the scene and create a stronger atmosphere, enhancing the emotional resonance of the dialogue.
Suggestions
  • Incorporate more subtext in the dialogue to reveal the underlying tensions between Daniel and Eli. For example, have Daniel express his frustration with the church's influence on the workers' productivity, while Eli counters with a more emotional appeal about faith and responsibility.
  • Consider adding a moment where Daniel reflects on the consequences of the accident, perhaps showing a flicker of guilt or doubt about his methods. This could create a more complex character arc and deepen the audience's connection to him.
  • Smooth out the transitions between topics in the dialogue. For instance, after discussing Joe Ghunda, have Daniel express a moment of silence or reflection before shifting to the renovations, allowing the weight of the tragedy to linger.
  • Enhance the dramatic impact of Eli's claim to be the 'Third Revelation' by building tension leading up to this moment. Perhaps have Daniel challenge Eli's authority or express skepticism, making Eli's declaration feel like a significant turning point in their relationship.
  • Utilize the setting more effectively by incorporating visual details that reflect the emotional tone of the scene. Describe the church's atmosphere, the expressions of the followers, and the physical state of the construction work to create a more immersive experience.



Scene 29 -  Faith and Arrogance on the Derrick
63 EXT. DERRICK - NIGHT. 63

It's night now and many hours later:

The BROKEN PIECE revealed to the men up top, it FALLS TO THE
FLOOR OF THE DERRICK. DANIEL kicks the piece across the floor
and off the derrick -

DANIEL
go fish.

CUT TO:
54



64 EXT. DERRICK - NIGHT. 64

It's a bit later, and the MEN are "fishing" with a device that's
like an ice man's tongs, attempting to grab hold of the other
side of the broken piece and pull it back up._

...the NIGHT CREW comes in to replace the day crew. We have 2 -
12 hour shifts for these workers. The NIGHT FOREMAN is MURGINS
and he speaks with DANIEL and BEN who appraise him of the
situation.

ANGLE, DANIEL.
He takes a break, off to the side... smokes a cigarette..ABEL comes
over, sits down with him;

ABEL
may I sit down, Daniel?

Daniel doesn't say anything..ABEL sits ...

ABEL
How much longer will the men be fishing?

DANIEL
You keep fishing until you find the piece.

BEAT.

ABEL
it's been almost three weeks ... is that normal?

DANIEL


ABEL
... in your Church of the World,
do you know the word, "backslider?"

DANIEL


ABEL
... sometimes I think if you were to be
more honest with the Holy Spirit that
some of this misfortune might pass.

Silence.
55



ABEL
many of the new faces here have
joined Eli down at the Church of
The Third Revelation - I know you
haven't had the time -but I know
that to lead a full life - you must make
the time. I know that if Eli were allowed
to perform a blessing on this well
that it would bear fruit and you
wouldn't have to go fishing._but you need
to not be a backslider, Daniel.
you're on a very bad path.

DANIEL
am I?

ABEL
you don't like the way I raise my
children and guide my family - but
one day you will see that my faith
is stronger than yours.

WITH THAT, ON THE FLOOR OF THE DERRICK, RISING UP AND BEING
SUCCESFULLY FISHED OUT, IS THE BROKEN PIECE.

THE CREW CELEBRATES, SMASHES THE BROKEN PIECE ON THE SIDE OF THE
DERRICK, SWEAR IT UP AND DOWN-.DANIEL smiles, looks ahead and
says:

DANIEL
I think Eli is a lunatic.
And I think you are a weak little man.
And I'm glad to have your land
and to make a living off it where you
couldn't. You're lucky the day I showed
up here, Abel. So I want you to stay away
from me now. go back down to your house
and stay there. you'll know when the well
comes in.

CUT TO:
56
Genres: ["Drama","Western"]

Summary At night on a derrick, Daniel and his crew work to retrieve a broken piece that has fallen. Abel questions the fishing process and suggests that Daniel's lack of faith may be causing their troubles, hinting that a blessing from Eli could help. Daniel dismisses Abel's concerns with arrogance and contempt. Despite their struggles, the crew successfully retrieves the piece, leading to a moment of celebration, but Daniel's response remains one of disdain towards Abel, asserting his dominance and rejecting any spiritual guidance.
Strengths
  • Intense dialogue
  • Strong character dynamics
  • Effective conflict portrayal
Weaknesses
  • Lack of resolution in the conflict
  • Limited character interaction beyond Daniel and Abel

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene is well-crafted with intense dialogue and a strong sense of conflict. It effectively portrays the power dynamics between the characters and advances the plot significantly.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene revolves around the clash of beliefs and values between Daniel and Abel, adding depth to their characters and setting up future conflicts.

Plot: 9

The plot of the scene is crucial as it reveals the underlying tensions and power struggles within the narrative. It sets the stage for further developments and character arcs.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces unique elements such as the mention of different churches and belief systems, as well as the industrial setting of the derrick. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Daniel and Abel are well-developed in this scene, showcasing their contrasting personalities and beliefs. Their interactions drive the conflict forward and reveal more about their motivations.

Character Changes: 8

Both Daniel and Abel undergo subtle changes in their dynamics and beliefs during the scene, setting the stage for further character development.

Internal Goal: 8

Daniel's internal goal is to assert his dominance and control over the situation, as well as to defend his beliefs and values against Abel's criticism.

External Goal: 7

Daniel's external goal is to successfully retrieve the broken piece from the derrick.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is intense and palpable, driving the narrative forward and revealing the underlying tensions between the characters.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting beliefs and values between Daniel and Abel creating a challenging and uncertain situation.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in the scene as it involves power struggles, conflicting ideologies, and the future of the oil drilling operation.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by revealing key conflicts, character motivations, and setting up future plot developments.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected confrontation between Daniel and Abel, as well as the surprising resolution of successfully retrieving the broken piece.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between Daniel's belief in his own strength and control versus Abel's faith and criticism of Daniel's actions.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes strong emotions due to the intense confrontation and the clash of beliefs between the characters. It leaves a lasting impact on the audience.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue in the scene is sharp, confrontational, and impactful. It effectively conveys the emotions and intentions of the characters, adding depth to the conflict.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the intense conflict and drama between the characters, as well as the mystery surrounding the broken piece and the workers' efforts to retrieve it.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and suspense, leading to the resolution of retrieving the broken piece.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format with clear action and dialogue sequences that contribute to the development of the plot and characters.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the tension between Daniel and Abel, showcasing their conflicting beliefs and the underlying power dynamics. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext; while the characters express their views directly, adding layers of implication could enhance the emotional stakes.
  • Daniel's dismissive attitude towards Abel feels somewhat one-dimensional. While it establishes his character as arrogant and dismissive of faith, exploring his internal conflict or doubts could add depth to his character and make the confrontation more compelling.
  • The pacing of the scene feels uneven. The initial setup with the fishing device is engaging, but the dialogue between Daniel and Abel could be tightened to maintain momentum. Some lines could be trimmed or rephrased for brevity without losing their impact.
  • The transition from the fishing device to the crew's celebration feels abrupt. A more gradual build-up to the moment of success could enhance the emotional payoff and make the crew's celebration feel more earned.
  • The visual elements of the scene are somewhat lacking. While the setting of the derrick is established, incorporating more sensory details—such as the sounds of the machinery, the atmosphere of the night, or the physicality of the characters—could create a more immersive experience for the audience.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more subtext to the dialogue between Daniel and Abel. Allow their words to hint at deeper emotions or unresolved issues, making the confrontation feel more layered.
  • Explore Daniel's internal conflict regarding faith and his relationship with Abel. This could be done through internal monologue or subtle physical reactions that reveal his discomfort or anger.
  • Tighten the dialogue to improve pacing. Look for opportunities to condense lines or remove redundant phrases to keep the scene flowing smoothly.
  • Build up to the moment when the broken piece is successfully fished out. Perhaps include a moment of doubt or tension among the crew before the success, enhancing the emotional impact of the celebration.
  • Incorporate more sensory details to enrich the scene. Describe the sounds of the derrick, the physical sensations of the night air, or the expressions on the crew's faces to create a more vivid atmosphere.



Scene 30 -  Chaos at the Drilling Site
65 EXT. SUNDAY DRILLING AREA. DAY. 65

CAMERA moves/walks with DANIEL around the derrick and the
workers and all of it_

-~Y and HW are nearby, playing with each other, they run past
Daniel, who smiles to them and says;

DANIEL
How are my kids? how's my family?

CUT TO:


66 EXT. SUNDAY DRILLING AREA. AT THE DERRICK. DAY. 66

DANIEL is talking with FLETCHE&-and working with his MEN •

...the MEN are working with "a jar," which is a tool that strikes
HEAVY BLOWS and GETS THE CASING LOOSE, WHICH IS STUCK DOWN
BELOW. They're using it to shake the casing loose ...

ANGLE, HW, ON THE DERRICK.
Sitting with his legs strapped over the side of the derrick,
near the hole -- HW listens to these blows, far down in the
earth...watching it very, very carefully._

SUDDENLY AND WITHOUT WARNING;

Out of the earth, like a rocket shoots -- GAS - with a HIGH
SQUEEL AND FORCE, IT IS THIS HIGH SOUND AND INVISIBLE FORCE
THAT SMASHES BW'S BAR DRUMS and BLOWS RIM OFF THE SIDE OF THE
DERRICK --

HIS LITTLE BODY RISES IN THE AIR LIKE A RAG DOLL and he can do
nothing but fall straight back down to the ground -

SOUND DROPS OUT OF THE ENTIRE SOUNDTRACK. And we watch him
land, lift his head and look;

STRAY TOOL PIECES AND WOOD SHARDS from the Derrick that have
been ROCKETED in the air come SLAMMING INTO THE GROUND ALL
AROUND HIM, LODGING DEEP INTO THE SURFACE.

THE DERRICK.
It blows WATER FOR A QUICK BLAST, THEN, OIL. IT IS SUDDENLY
BLACK EVERYWHERE.
57



ANGLE, DANIEL. SOUND COMES BACK WHEN WE ARE WITH HIM.
He has not seen what has happened to HW. He is busy trying to
deal with the GUSHER. He runs up to the derrick floor - which is
now covered in OIL - THEN:

DANIEL
LIGHTS OUT! LIGHTS OUT! EVERYONE LIGHTS OUT.

But it's too late- SOMETHING SPARKS THE DERRICK.

In one, two, three: THE DERRICK CATCHES TO FIRE AND ALL THE OIL
BECOMES A FLAME. It's as if a FLAME THROWER is coming up from
under ground.

This catches to the oil that's spilled all around. BLACK SMOKE
FILLS THE AIR.

ANGLE, HW. SOUND DROPS OUT AGAIN. SILENT WITH HIM.
He watches the FIRE coming straight towards him.

He is unable to move. in shock. it comes straight at him --

AT THAT MOMENT, he is SCOOPED up by a WORKER.

CAMERA FOLLOWS DANIEL OVER AND HE GRABS H.W. from the
worker

DANIEL
You alright? You alright?
GODDAMIT TALK TO ME. WHAT'S WRONG?
WHAT HAPPENED? SPEAK. TELL ME.

They boy is crying now and can't seem to make a SOUND.
HE LOOKS AT DANIEL, AND WE HEAR NOTHING.

DANIEL carries him down to safety at THE MESS HALL/BASE CAMP.-MEN
SCRAMBLE TO PREPARE THE BATTLE WITH THE GUSHER.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary At a drilling site, Daniel interacts with his children, Y and HW, before the operation takes a dangerous turn. As HW watches the drilling, a gas explosion erupts, causing chaos and knocking him down. The derrick catches fire after Daniel urgently calls for lights out. In the midst of the chaos, Daniel rescues HW from the flames, but the traumatic experience leaves the boy unable to speak as they seek safety.
Strengths
  • Intense emotional impact
  • High tension and suspense
  • Effective character development
Weaknesses
  • Minimal dialogue
  • Potentially traumatic for sensitive viewers

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene is highly impactful, with intense emotions, high stakes, and significant character development.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of a sudden disaster at the drilling site adds a new layer of conflict and tension to the story.

Plot: 9

The plot is significantly advanced through the unexpected turn of events, setting the stage for further developments.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh approach to depicting the dangers of the oil drilling industry and the impact on families. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters' reactions and interactions in the face of danger showcase their depth and complexity.

Character Changes: 9

The characters undergo significant emotional changes in response to the crisis, deepening their development.

Internal Goal: 9

The protagonist's internal goal is to protect his family and ensure their safety. This reflects his deeper need for security and love.

External Goal: 8

The protagonist's external goal is to deal with the emergency situation at the drilling site and prevent further damage or harm.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The level of conflict is extremely high, with physical danger, emotional turmoil, and the potential loss of life.

Opposition: 8

The strong opposition in the scene, in the form of the emergency situation and the danger to the protagonist's family, creates a sense of uncertainty and danger.

High Stakes: 10

The stakes are incredibly high, with the potential loss of life, financial ruin, and the future of the drilling operation hanging in the balance.

Story Forward: 10

The scene propels the story forward dramatically, introducing new challenges and consequences for the characters.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the sudden and unexpected events that unfold, keeping the audience guessing about the outcome.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict is between the value of family and the dangers of the oil drilling industry. It challenges Daniel's beliefs about the trade-offs between his job and his family's safety.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9.5

The scene has a profound emotional impact on the audience, evoking fear, shock, and concern for the characters.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is minimal but impactful, focusing on the urgency and emotional turmoil of the situation.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its high stakes, emotional impact, and intense action sequences that keep the audience on the edge of their seats.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the outcome.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of the scene effectively conveys the visual and auditory elements of the action, enhancing the reader's immersion in the events.

Structure: 9

The scene follows the expected structure for a high-tension action sequence, building suspense and escalating the conflict effectively.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension through the use of sound and visual imagery, particularly with the sudden eruption of gas and the subsequent chaos. However, the transition from the calm moment with Daniel and his children to the explosive action could be more gradual to enhance the shock value.
  • The emotional stakes are high, especially with HW's perilous situation, but the dialogue could be more impactful. Daniel's frantic questioning of HW lacks emotional depth; instead of just asking 'What’s wrong?', he could express more concern or fear, which would heighten the emotional intensity.
  • The use of sound dropping out during HW's fall and subsequent shock is a powerful technique, but it may benefit from a more gradual build-up to silence. This could create a more immersive experience for the audience, allowing them to feel the weight of the moment.
  • The description of the derrick catching fire is vivid, but it could be enhanced by incorporating more sensory details. For instance, describing the heat radiating from the flames or the acrid smell of burning oil could further immerse the audience in the chaos.
  • The scene ends abruptly after Daniel carries HW to safety. While this conveys urgency, it might be more effective to linger on the aftermath of the incident, showing the emotional impact on both Daniel and HW. This could provide a more satisfying resolution to the scene.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment of foreshadowing before the explosion, such as a brief exchange between Daniel and the workers that hints at the danger, to build tension leading up to the incident.
  • Revise Daniel's dialogue to include more emotional weight, perhaps by expressing his fear for HW's safety or reflecting on the dangers of their work, which would deepen the audience's connection to the characters.
  • Experiment with pacing by allowing the silence after HW's fall to stretch longer, creating a more profound sense of dread and anticipation before the chaos resumes.
  • Incorporate more sensory details in the description of the fire and its effects, such as the heat, smoke, and sounds, to create a more visceral experience for the audience.
  • Extend the scene to include a moment of reflection after the chaos, where Daniel and HW process the event, allowing for character development and emotional resonance.



Scene 31 -  Panic in the Mess Hall
67 INT. MESS HALL. THAT MOMENT 67

DANIEL brings him in, sets him down, looks over his body to see
it's all put together, HW is starting to loose it and go crazy;

HW
I CAN'T HEAR MY VOICE. I CAN'T HEAR MY VOICE.
DADDY, I DON'T WANNA, I CAN'T HEAR MY VOICE.
58




DANIEL
You're alright. You're alright. Just calm down.

HW
AHHHHHHHHH. I CAN'T HEAR, PLEASE.
PLEASE. PLEASE.

DANIEL cannot calm him down...He tries to settle him...

DANIEL
STAY HERE. YOU STAY HERE. WAIT FOR ME HERE.

67A BASE CAMP FAMILIES are coming in here for SAFETY. DANIEL 67A
INSTRUCTS THEM TO WATCH AFTER H.W. AND KEEP HIM.

ANGLE, FROM HW'S POINT OF VIEW. We hear absolutely
nothing._DANIEL leaves, HW follows, clinging, screaming_.DANIEL
PUSHES HIM DOWN and goes back outside --

CUT TO:

68 EXT. BASECAMP - THAT MOMENT 68

DANIEL exits, CAMERA stays with him -

The OIL IS ON FIRE AND FLOWS AND SPEWS IN THE AIR. BITS FALL ALL
AROUND DANIEL...WHO STARTS TO GLOW WITH EXCITEMENT

68A ANGLE, HW. IN THE BASECAMP. SOUND IS STILL OUT. 68A
He is speechless and stunned and in shock... FAMILIES GATHER AROUND
HOLD HIM, ETC.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In a chaotic mess hall during an oil fire crisis, HW is overwhelmed with fear and unable to hear his own voice, pleading for help. Despite Daniel's efforts to calm him and instructing nearby families to care for HW, the panic escalates. As Daniel leaves to confront the chaos outside, HW remains in shock, surrounded by concerned families trying to comfort him.
Strengths
  • Intense atmosphere
  • Emotional depth
  • High stakes
Weaknesses
  • Potential for sensory overload due to chaotic nature of the scene

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys a sense of urgency, danger, and emotional turmoil, keeping the audience engaged and on edge.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a sudden fire erupting at the drilling site adds a layer of unpredictability and danger to the narrative, heightening the stakes for the characters.

Plot: 8

The plot progresses significantly as the fire incident introduces a new obstacle for the characters to overcome, leading to potential consequences and character development.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the familiar theme of survival in a crisis, with unique character dynamics and a high-stakes environment. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters' reactions to the fire showcase their vulnerabilities, fears, and strengths, adding depth to their personalities and setting the stage for potential growth.

Character Changes: 8

The traumatic experience of the fire leads to potential character growth and changes as the characters confront their fears and vulnerabilities.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to calm down HW and ensure his safety. This reflects Daniel's deeper need to protect and care for those around him, as well as his fear of losing control in a dangerous situation.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to manage the chaos and ensure the safety of the base camp families. This reflects the immediate circumstances of the oil fire and the challenges of maintaining order in a crisis.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The level of conflict is high as the characters are faced with a life-threatening situation that tests their courage and resourcefulness.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the characters facing a dangerous situation and conflicting priorities. The audience is unsure of how the characters will overcome the obstacles and challenges.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high as the characters face a life-threatening situation with the fire erupting at the drilling site, putting their lives and livelihoods at risk.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by introducing a new obstacle and potential consequences for the characters, setting the stage for further developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the chaotic environment and the characters' emotional reactions, creating a sense of uncertainty and tension for the audience.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between the value of individual safety and the greater good of the community. Daniel must balance the needs of HW with the safety of the other families in the base camp.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact due to the intense fear, shock, and chaos experienced by the characters, evoking a strong response from the audience.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the characters' emotions, fears, and urgency in the face of the escalating situation.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its high stakes, intense emotions, and fast-paced action. The audience is drawn into the chaos and danger of the situation, creating a sense of urgency and suspense.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is fast and intense, effectively conveying the urgency and chaos of the situation. The rhythm of the dialogue and action keeps the audience engaged and on edge.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and concise, following the expected format for a screenplay in this genre.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene effectively builds tension and conveys the urgency of the situation, following the expected format for a high-stakes, action-driven scene.


Critique
  • The emotional intensity of HW's panic is palpable, but the dialogue could be more varied to enhance the urgency. Repeating 'I can't hear my voice' may dilute the impact; consider incorporating more visceral expressions of fear or confusion.
  • Daniel's attempts to calm HW feel somewhat generic. Adding specific actions or dialogue that reflect Daniel's character—perhaps a personal anecdote or a specific reassurance—could deepen their relationship and make the moment more poignant.
  • The transition from the mess hall to the chaos outside is abrupt. While the contrast between HW's internal turmoil and the external chaos is effective, a smoother transition could enhance the flow. Consider a brief moment where HW's panic is juxtaposed with the sounds of the fire before Daniel exits.
  • The use of silence from HW's perspective is a powerful choice, emphasizing his trauma. However, it might be beneficial to include subtle sound design elements that reflect his internal state, such as muffled noises or echoes, to create a more immersive experience for the audience.
  • The scene lacks a clear resolution for HW's panic. While Daniel's departure to confront the fire is dramatic, it leaves HW in a vulnerable state. Consider adding a moment where HW finds some comfort or support from the families, which could provide a sense of safety amidst the chaos.
Suggestions
  • Revise HW's dialogue to include more varied expressions of his fear, perhaps incorporating physical actions that convey his distress, such as trembling or clutching at Daniel.
  • Enhance Daniel's character by having him share a personal story or a specific reassurance that reflects their bond, making his attempts to calm HW feel more genuine.
  • Create a smoother transition between the mess hall and the external chaos by incorporating a moment that highlights the contrast between HW's internal panic and the external environment before Daniel exits.
  • Consider adding subtle sound design elements to HW's perspective to enhance the audience's understanding of his trauma, such as muffled sounds or echoes that reflect his disorientation.
  • Include a moment where HW receives comfort from the families in the base camp, providing a sense of safety and resolution to his panic before the scene shifts focus to Daniel.



Scene 32 -  Inferno at the Oil Gusher
69 EXT. GUSHER. THAT MOMENT. 69

MEN are rushing around to battle the blaze-.DANIEL barks
directions towards taming the FIRE-._....

ANGLE, GUIDE WIRES.
Two of the four guide wires for the derrick are SNAPPED BY SOME
MEN.-

THE DERRICK BURNS VERY QUICKLY and this will help topple in the
direction down wind -

day turns to night and BLACK SMOKE FILLS the air...
59



DANIEL and THE MEN wait for it to burn and fall -- once it does,
MEN WILL APPROACH THE BASE OF THE DERRICK AND THE CELLAR WALL
WHICH IS BUILT INTO THE SIDE OF THE HILL.

THEY HAVE METAL SHEETS OVER THE HEADS, GET CLOSE AND BANG INTO
THE CELLAR DOOR.

AT THE SAME TIME, DANIEL PREPARES DYNAMITE TO PLACE IN A BOX AT
THE END OF A THIRTY FOOT METAL POLE-

69A ...THE CELLAR DOOR IS SMASHED OPEN. 69A

THE MEN AND DANIEL GET THE DYNAMITE AT THE END OF THE POLE
POSITIONED UP THE HILL AND START TO PUSH IT TOWARDS THE CELLAR
OPENING -

IT GETS CLOSER AND CLOSER - ONCE THE DYNAMTIE ARRIVES INTO THE
CELLAR - IT BLOWS - SNUFFING OUT THE DERRICK IN AN INSTANT. THE
GROUND AROUND THE DERRICKS RISES, THEN CAVES IN.

SOME FIRE STILL BURNS._

ROSE comes over to DANIEL, who is all smiles, he is a Man
._•..AL
gone crazy in happiness.

DANIEL
WHY DO YOU LOOK SO GREEN, AL?

AL ROSE
THE WELL IS RUINED.

DANIEL
AL:
WE'VE GOT AN OCEAN OF OIL UNDERNEATH
YOUR FEET AND NOT A SOUL CAN GO NEAR
IT BUT ME. LIGHT A CIGAR ON THAT FIRE.
IT'LL BURN ITSELF OUT.

HOLD ON DANIEL. THE FIRE BLAZES. HOLD IMAGES, THEN:

CUT TO:

70 INT. MESS HALL. LATER. 70

DANIEL comes back in, covered in OIL and MUD and ASH.-he goes to
HW, who is being tended by the SUNDAY'S. He leans down to him,
looks at him-.

CUT TO:
60




71 INT. PLAINVIEW COTTAGE. NIGHT, LATER. 71

Daniel rocks HW in his arms, back and forth. The boy is crying
and crying, hysterical. Fletcher is sitting nearby, watching
this mess ...

HW
I can't hear my voice. I can't hear
my voice, daddy. daddy, please make
me hear my voice. I don't want this.
I don't wanna.

Daniel whispers in his ear, over and over. HOLD.

DANIEL
I love you, I love you my boy. it's alright.
listen to me if you can: you'll be fine.
a-b-c-d-e-f-g-h-i-j-k-I love you I love you.
1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-1 0-11-12-13-14-·-··

FADE OUT as he continues. HOLD IN BLACK, THEN:

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama","Western"]

Summary In a chaotic scene at an oil gusher, men rush to combat a raging fire under Daniel's direction. As the derrick's guide wires snap and it begins to topple, Daniel prepares dynamite to blow up the cellar door. The explosion extinguishes the fire but causes the ground to cave in. Despite the destruction, Daniel celebrates the oil still beneath the surface, while Al Rose laments the ruined well. The scene transitions from urgency to triumph as Daniel, covered in oil and ash, returns to the mess hall.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Raw and intense emotions
Weaknesses
  • Potentially overwhelming emotional intensity
  • Lack of external conflict

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys the emotional impact of the tragic event, showcasing the characters' vulnerability and despair. The tension and grief are palpable, drawing the audience into the heart-wrenching aftermath.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring the emotional aftermath of a tragic event in the oil business is compelling and well-executed. The scene effectively delves into themes of love, despair, and the harsh realities of the industry, adding depth to the narrative.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene focuses on the aftermath of the oil well fire and the emotional response of the characters, particularly Daniel and HW. It moves the story forward by highlighting the consequences of their actions and the challenges they face.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh approach to the typical oil field disaster scenario, focusing on the protagonist's internal struggles and emotional depth. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and compelling.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters, especially Daniel and HW, are well-developed in this scene, showcasing their vulnerability, grief, and love for each other. Their emotional depth and complexity drive the scene and evoke strong empathy from the audience.

Character Changes: 8

The characters, especially HW, undergo significant emotional changes in the scene, grappling with grief, fear, and despair in the aftermath of the tragic event. Their vulnerability and emotional breakdowns showcase their growth and complexity.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to protect his son, HW, and reassure him in a moment of distress. This reflects Daniel's deeper need for love and connection with his family.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to extinguish the fire at the oil field and secure the oil reserve for himself. This reflects the immediate challenge of dealing with the fire and protecting his business interests.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, focusing on the characters' emotional struggles and the aftermath of the tragic event. The tension arises from their grief, despair, and the harsh realities they must confront.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing both external challenges and internal conflicts that create uncertainty and tension for the audience.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in the scene as the characters face the devastating aftermath of the oil well fire, grappling with grief, despair, and the harsh realities of the industry. The emotional and personal stakes are significant, adding depth to the narrative.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by highlighting the consequences of the oil well fire and the emotional impact on the characters. It sets the stage for further developments and challenges, driving the narrative forward.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected emotional depth and character development, adding layers of complexity to the narrative.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

There is a philosophical conflict between Daniel's ruthless pursuit of wealth and power, and his desire to protect and comfort his son. This challenges his values and priorities.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking feelings of sadness, fear, love, and confusion in the audience. The raw and intense emotions displayed by the characters resonate deeply, creating a powerful and memorable moment.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the characters' emotions and inner turmoil, adding depth to their interactions. The raw and heartfelt exchanges between Daniel and HW enhance the emotional impact of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its high stakes, emotional intensity, and dynamic action sequences. The audience is drawn into the protagonist's internal and external struggles.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, building tension and suspense as the action unfolds. The rhythm of the scene enhances its effectiveness.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and concise, following the expected format for its genre. The scene transitions smoothly between locations and characters.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the effectiveness of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the chaos and urgency of the oil fire, showcasing Daniel's leadership and determination. However, the transition from the intense action of battling the blaze to Daniel's triumphant reaction feels abrupt. The emotional stakes could be heightened by exploring the consequences of the fire more deeply, particularly how it affects the crew and the community.
  • Daniel's dialogue with Al Rose at the end of the scene is a stark contrast to the earlier chaos, which can feel jarring. While it showcases Daniel's arrogance and obsession with oil, it might benefit from a more nuanced exploration of his character's emotional state. This could help the audience understand his motivations beyond mere greed.
  • The visual descriptions are strong, but they could be enhanced by incorporating more sensory details. For instance, describing the heat of the flames, the acrid smell of smoke, or the sounds of the men working could immerse the audience further into the scene.
  • The pacing of the scene is uneven. The buildup to the explosion is quick, but the aftermath, particularly Daniel's interaction with HW, feels rushed. A more gradual transition between the two moments could allow for a deeper emotional impact, especially considering HW's trauma.
  • HW's reaction to the chaos is powerful, but the scene could benefit from showing more of Daniel's internal struggle as he tries to comfort his son. This would add depth to their relationship and highlight the contrast between Daniel's external bravado and internal turmoil.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment of reflection for Daniel after the fire is extinguished, allowing him to process the destruction and its implications for the crew and the community.
  • Enhance the sensory details in the scene to create a more immersive experience for the audience, focusing on the sights, sounds, and smells of the fire and the chaos.
  • Slow down the pacing between the explosion and Daniel's return to HW. This could involve showing the aftermath of the fire more thoroughly, perhaps including the reactions of the crew and the community.
  • Explore Daniel's emotional state more deeply during his interaction with HW. This could involve internal monologue or more expressive dialogue that reveals his fears and regrets as a father.
  • Consider adding a moment where Daniel acknowledges the impact of the fire on the workers and the community, which would provide a more complex view of his character and his motivations.



Scene 33 -  Fractured Bonds
72 INT. PLAINVIEW COTTAGE. MORNING. 72

A LOCAL DOCTOR brought in by Daniel, attempting to look HW over.
HW is very angry, kicking and screaming and punching the Doctor
away. Daniel tries to hold him down and calm him. The Doctor
is kicked by HW again and again.

Fletcher nearby. This is a real mess.

FADE OUT, HOLD IN BLACK, FADE IN:
61




73 INT. PLAINVIEW COTTAGE. LATER/MORNING. 73

HW is asleep inside the house.

FLETCHER and DANIEL sit together here going over some plans,
sketches about building a reservoir. AL ROSE is here.

They finish up some more plans for DRILLING to occur
up the hill. This is all agreed upon, then:

DANIEL
Who do we know in San Francisco
or in Los Angeles that would
work with - we can - someone
a teacher? for H.W. How can you figure
out that - call -what's his name?

FLETCHER
Bob Brodie in San Francisco.

DANIEL
Call Bob Brodie and get someone down here.

Fletcher leaves. Daniel sits alone a moment, then goes into
the house -

INSIDE, THAT MOMENT.

Daniel goes into the bedroom, where HW is lying awake in
bed-.DANIEL kneels down in front of him-.

DANIEL
can you hear me?

CAN YOU HEAR ME?

He points to his mouth, HW just stares_.
62


DANIEL
I'm going... ! have to go and see about the rigs ...
Do you understand?

I can't stay here with you all day,
I have to take care of our business.

our work. the wells.

I can't do this all day.

No.2 has it's cement down and I have to
see to it...

Daniel is frustrated ...He gets himself a change of clothes, cleans
up and LEAVES.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In a tense morning scene at a cottage in Plainview, Daniel brings in a local doctor to examine his angry and uncooperative son, HW. Despite Daniel's attempts to calm him, HW resists the doctor's help with violent outbursts. After the chaotic encounter, Daniel discusses drilling plans with Fletcher and expresses his frustration about needing to find a teacher for HW. The scene culminates with Daniel kneeling beside HW's bed, trying to communicate his responsibilities before ultimately leaving the cottage, feeling defeated.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character dynamics
  • Tension building
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development for HW
  • Lack of resolution in the scene

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 7.5

The scene effectively conveys the emotional turmoil and strained relationship between Daniel and HW, creating a sense of tension and urgency. However, the execution could be improved by providing more depth to HW's character and exploring his internal struggles further.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene, focusing on the strained relationship between a father and son in the midst of a crisis, is compelling and engaging. It delves into themes of family dynamics, communication barriers, and emotional resilience.

Plot: 7

The plot of the scene revolves around Daniel's attempts to communicate with HW and balance his business responsibilities. While it effectively conveys the emotional conflict and tension, there is a need for more development in HW's character arc and internal struggles.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the theme of family dynamics and business obligations. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters of Daniel and HW are well-defined, with Daniel showcasing frustration and desperation, while HW exhibits trauma and emotional distress. Their interactions reveal layers of complexity and set the stage for potential character growth.

Character Changes: 7

While there are subtle hints at potential character changes, such as Daniel's internal conflict and HW's trauma, the scene primarily sets the stage for future development rather than showcasing significant transformations at this point.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to communicate with his son, HW, and express his frustration and responsibilities. It reflects Daniel's deeper need for control, his fear of losing his son's respect, and his desire to maintain his business.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to make plans for drilling and find someone to take care of HW. It reflects the immediate circumstances of managing his business and his son's care.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The scene contains a moderate level of conflict, primarily stemming from the emotional distance between Daniel and HW, as well as Daniel's internal struggle to balance his duties. The tension and frustration add depth to the narrative.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with HW's resistance and Daniel's frustration creating a compelling conflict that keeps the audience engaged.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes in the scene are moderately high, focusing on the emotional well-being of HW and the strained relationship between him and Daniel. While there is a sense of urgency and concern, the immediate consequences are more internal and emotional.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by highlighting the strained relationship between Daniel and HW, setting the stage for potential character growth and narrative progression. It introduces key themes and conflicts that will likely unfold in subsequent scenes.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected outbursts from HW and the unresolved tension between Daniel and his son.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the tension between personal responsibility and business obligations. Daniel struggles to balance his duty towards his son and his duty towards his work.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene has a significant emotional impact, evoking feelings of empathy, frustration, and concern for the characters. The portrayal of HW's distress and Daniel's struggle to connect with him resonates with the audience, creating a poignant moment.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the emotional turmoil and internal struggles of the characters. However, there is room for improvement in exploring deeper emotional nuances and enhancing the communication dynamics between Daniel and HW.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the intense emotional conflict, the high stakes involved, and the relatable struggle between personal and professional responsibilities.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotional depth, enhancing the impact of the protagonist's internal struggles and external conflicts.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, enhancing the readability and flow of the narrative.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, effectively building tension and emotional depth.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the emotional turmoil of both Daniel and HW, showcasing the tension between a father's responsibilities and a child's trauma. However, the dialogue feels somewhat disjointed and lacks a natural flow, which can detract from the emotional impact. Daniel's frustration is palpable, but it could be enhanced by more nuanced dialogue that reflects his internal conflict about leaving HW.
  • The introduction of the doctor is abrupt, and his role could be better established. It would be beneficial to include a brief moment that highlights the doctor's qualifications or his relationship with Daniel, which would add depth to the scene and clarify why he is there.
  • HW's anger and resistance are well portrayed, but the scene could benefit from showing more of HW's emotional state beyond just anger. Perhaps including a moment where HW expresses fear or confusion could create a deeper connection with the audience and provide insight into his character.
  • The transition between the chaotic moment with the doctor and the planning session with Fletcher and Al Rose feels jarring. A smoother transition could help maintain the emotional continuity of the scene. Consider adding a brief moment of reflection for Daniel before he shifts to business, emphasizing his struggle to balance personal and professional responsibilities.
  • Daniel's dialogue about needing a teacher for HW feels somewhat mechanical and lacks emotional weight. This could be an opportunity to explore Daniel's feelings of inadequacy as a father and his desire to provide for HW, which would add depth to his character.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a line or two that establishes the doctor's credentials or his relationship with Daniel to provide context for his presence and authority.
  • Incorporate a moment where HW expresses something beyond anger, such as fear or confusion, to create a more complex emotional landscape and deepen the audience's connection to him.
  • Smooth the transition between the chaotic scene with the doctor and the planning session by including a brief moment of reflection for Daniel, allowing the audience to feel the weight of his responsibilities.
  • Revise Daniel's dialogue about finding a teacher for HW to reflect more of his emotional struggle as a father, perhaps by expressing concern for HW's well-being or his own feelings of inadequacy.
  • Consider using visual storytelling to convey HW's emotional state, such as close-ups of his expressions or body language, to enhance the scene's emotional impact.



Scene 34 -  Clash of Visions
74 INT. DANIEL'S OFFICE/BASECAMP. DAYS LATER. 74

Daniel is sitting with a woman, a TEACHER/SUPERINTENDANT named
FANNIE CLARK (30s) who has been brought down to speak with
Daniel and help with HW.

Through the scene we HEAR ALL THE NOISE FROM OUTSIDE, DRILLING,
MEN, ETC.

TEACHER
Can he read?

DANIEL
...No...

TEACHER
does he know a few words?
to read - are their words that
he can recognize?

DANIEL
I don't know.

TEACHER
did he go to school?

DANIEL
He's smarter than any child
you've ever met.
63


TEACHER
Our facility -

DANIEL
I don't want him to go anywhere,
I want you to come here.

TEACHER
The school that we have in San
Francisco has other children
and that would be a very good
place for him. He can be with
other children and we have six
other teachers.

DANIEL
I will build you a school here and you
can bring all the children down.
I'm offering to build you a school that's
anything you want it to be.

TEACHER
Yes, but, these children have families
in San Francisco.

DANIEL
We'll bring their families.
We can build a school that is the
best in this State. In this country.
You're the best teacher they say,
so why don't you have your own school?

TEACHER
I live in San Francisco.

DANIEL
Not anymore. I'll have a temporary
school built in one month and once
you're here we can make plans for a
larger place to be built within
a year. I'll pay you two thousand dollars
in salary and build you a home as well.
Does this sound fine to you?

TEACHER
No. It doesn't. You need to send
your son to San Francisco if you
want him to learn how to deal with
what's happened. He needs to go to
school.
64


DANIEL
yes or no?

TEACHER
No, sir.

DANIEL
I'm only going to ask you once.

TEACHER
You already have. Building a school
here may be better for you but it's
not better for you boy.

DANIEL
Well then get out of here. get out.
I'll have someone get you back to
San Francisco.

TEACHER
You don't want me to see him?

DANIEL
No.

TEACHER
I've come a long way because you asked
for me personally and Mr. Brodie suggested

DANIEL
That's all over. Someone will get you back
to San Francisco, I'm wasting my time with
you right now if you don't take my offer
I have work. I have important work.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In a tense meeting at Daniel's office, he confronts Fannie Clark about his son's education. While Fannie advocates for the boy to attend school in San Francisco for better socialization and learning, Daniel insists on keeping his son close by proposing to build an on-site school, offering Fannie a salary and housing. As the conversation escalates, Daniel's frustration grows, leading him to dismiss Fannie's perspective and order her to leave when she refuses his proposal.
Strengths
  • Intense conflict
  • Emotional depth
  • Strong character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Daniel's stubbornness may alienate some viewers
  • Limited perspective on HW's desires and agency

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene is intense and emotionally charged, with strong performances and a clear conflict driving the narrative forward.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene revolves around the clash of wills between Daniel and the teacher, exploring themes of control, family, and education.

Plot: 8.5

The plot advances significantly as Daniel's refusal to send HW to school creates tension and sets up potential conflicts and consequences for future events.

Originality: 8

The scene presents a fresh approach to the theme of education and parenting, with a focus on the protagonist's struggle to control his son's education. The dialogue feels authentic and reflects the characters' motivations.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Daniel and the teacher are well-developed and their conflicting personalities and motivations drive the scene forward with intensity and depth.

Character Changes: 8

While the teacher remains steadfast in her position, Daniel's refusal to send HW to school showcases his stubbornness and protective nature, hinting at potential character growth or consequences.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to keep his son close to him and protect him from the outside world. This reflects his fear of losing his son and his desire to control the situation.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to convince the teacher to stay and build a school for his son on-site. This reflects the immediate challenge of providing education for his son in a safe environment.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between Daniel and the teacher is intense and emotionally charged, driving the scene's tension and drama to a high level.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting goals and motivations between the protagonist and the teacher creating tension and conflict.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high as Daniel's decision regarding HW's education could have significant implications for their relationship and future events.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by establishing a key conflict and setting up potential consequences for Daniel's decision regarding HW's education.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected conflict between the protagonist and the teacher, and the uncertain outcome of their conversation.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict is between the protagonist's desire to keep his son close and the teacher's belief that the son needs to go to school in San Francisco to deal with what has happened. This challenges the protagonist's values of control and protection.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The emotional impact of the scene is significant, as the power struggle and emotional stakes between Daniel and the teacher are palpable and engaging.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is sharp and impactful, revealing the characters' emotions and intentions while driving the conflict to a boiling point.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the high stakes, tense dialogue, and conflicting motivations of the characters.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and maintaining the audience's interest, with a sense of urgency driving the dialogue and action.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear character motivations and conflict driving the narrative forward.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures Daniel's desperation and determination to control his son's education, reflecting his character's overarching need for power and control. However, the dialogue feels somewhat repetitive, particularly in Daniel's insistence on keeping HW with him and building a school. This could be streamlined to maintain tension without losing the essence of the conflict.
  • Fannie Clark's character is introduced as a competent teacher, but her motivations and background are not fully explored. Providing a bit more context about her perspective on education and her concerns for HW could enhance her character and make her arguments more compelling.
  • The noise from outside serves as a good backdrop, emphasizing the chaotic environment Daniel operates in. However, it might be beneficial to show how this external chaos affects the conversation, perhaps by having it interrupt or distract them at key moments, which could heighten the tension.
  • Daniel's emotional state is clear, but the scene could benefit from more subtext. Instead of having him directly state his intentions, consider showing his frustration through actions or body language. For example, he could be fidgeting with objects on his desk or pacing, which would convey his agitation without needing to spell it out.
  • The abrupt ending feels somewhat unsatisfying. While it does convey Daniel's frustration, it might be more impactful to end on a line that encapsulates the stakes for both characters, perhaps a final plea from Fannie or a moment of realization from Daniel about the implications of his decisions.
Suggestions
  • Streamline the dialogue to reduce repetition and maintain tension. Focus on the most impactful lines that convey the stakes of the conversation.
  • Develop Fannie Clark's character further by adding a line or two that reveals her motivations or concerns about HW's education, making her a more relatable and compelling character.
  • Incorporate the external noise more dynamically into the scene, perhaps by having it interrupt their conversation at critical moments to reflect the chaos of Daniel's world.
  • Show Daniel's emotional state through physical actions or body language rather than relying solely on dialogue. This will add depth to his character and make the scene more visually engaging.
  • Consider revising the ending to include a more poignant line or moment that encapsulates the conflict and stakes for both Daniel and Fannie, leaving the audience with a stronger emotional impact.



Scene 35 -  Confrontation at the Reservoir
75 INT. A GIANT RESERVOIR UNDER CONSTRUCTION- DAY. 75

Daniel, Fletcher, et al, standing in the middle of A GIANT
RESERVOIR that's essentially a large DUG HOLE IN THE GROUND.

TEAMS OF HORSES PULL PLOWS to grade it flat-.They have torn into
the land as a place to dump the oil.

Across the way, into the dirt reservoir, comes ELI SUNDAY.

'"He walks up to Daniel:
65



ELI
When do we get our money, Daniel?

Daniel walks up to him and SLAPS ELI STRAIGHT ACROSS THE FACE.
Eli is stunned.

He SLAPS HIM AGAIN, WITH OPEN HAND, STRAIGHT ACROSS HIS FACE.
Eli starts to well with tears from the FORCE OF THIS BRUTAL
SLAP.

HOLD. Everything is still for a moment. He SLAPS HIM AGAIN.
Eli moves back, goes down to his knees.

DANIEL
aren't you a healer and a vessel
for the holy spirit? When are you
coming over and make my son hear again?
CAN'T YOU DO THAT?

ELI
You should have let me bless the well,
this wouldn't have happened to him-

HE SLAPS ELI AGAIN, STRAIGHT ACROSS THE FACE.

ELI
you shouldn't have done that--

He SLAPS HIM AGAIN. Everyone is standing around. Silenced.

ELI
You owe the Church of the Third
Revelation five thousand dollars
as part of the arrangement that we made.

DANIEL
I'm gonna make you leave here and bury
you under ground, Eli. get away from me.

ELI
you'll learn soon enough -

He SLAPS HIM AGAIN. HOLD.

ELI
You've got something else coming to you.

CUT TO:
66
Genres: ["Drama","Western"]

Summary In a tense scene set in a giant reservoir under construction, Daniel confronts Eli Sunday over a payment owed to the Church of the Third Revelation. Frustrated by Eli's failure to heal his son, Daniel violently slaps Eli multiple times. Despite the assault, Eli remains defiant, insisting on the payment and warning Daniel of future consequences. The conflict escalates without resolution, leaving a charged atmosphere of aggression and desperation.
Strengths
  • Intense emotions
  • Raw confrontation
  • Character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Violent confrontation may be too intense for some viewers

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene is highly impactful due to the raw emotions displayed by the characters and the escalating conflict, creating a tense and dramatic atmosphere.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a violent confrontation between two key characters adds depth to their relationship and drives the plot forward.

Plot: 8

The plot is advanced through the confrontation, revealing the strained dynamics between Daniel and Eli and setting the stage for future developments.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh approach to power dynamics and moral conflict, with the use of physical violence to assert dominance and challenge spiritual beliefs. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds depth to the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Daniel and Eli are well-developed and their interactions in this scene reveal their complex personalities and conflicting motivations.

Character Changes: 8

Both Daniel and Eli undergo a change in their relationship dynamics and power struggle during the scene.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to assert his power and dominance over Eli Sunday, reflecting his need for control and superiority. This desire stems from his fear of vulnerability and his desire to maintain his position of authority.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to confront Eli Sunday about the money owed to the Church of the Third Revelation and to intimidate him into leaving the area. This goal reflects the immediate challenge of asserting his dominance and protecting his interests in the oil business.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between Daniel and Eli is intense and drives the scene, creating a high level of tension and drama.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Daniel and Eli engaged in a power struggle that is difficult to overcome. The audience is unsure of how the conflict will be resolved, adding suspense and drama to the scene.

High Stakes: 9

The high stakes are evident in the physical confrontation between Daniel and Eli, highlighting the power dynamics and personal vendettas at play.

Story Forward: 8

The scene propels the story forward by revealing the escalating tensions between key characters and setting the stage for future conflicts.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected use of physical violence and the shifting power dynamics between the characters. The audience is unsure of how the confrontation will escalate or resolve.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between Daniel's ruthless pursuit of power and control, and Eli's belief in spiritual healing and divine intervention. This challenges Daniel's materialistic worldview and forces him to confront the limitations of his power.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions from the audience, particularly due to the brutal physical confrontation and the raw display of anger and conflict.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is intense and confrontational, effectively conveying the emotions and tensions between the characters.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense conflict, emotional stakes, and moral ambiguity. The physical confrontation and dramatic dialogue keep the audience invested in the characters' fates.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension through the physical confrontation and emotional intensity. The rhythm of the dialogue and actions keeps the audience engaged and invested in the outcome.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings, action lines, and dialogue formatting. The visual descriptions enhance the reader's understanding of the setting and characters.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup, confrontation, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the effectiveness of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the escalating tension between Daniel and Eli, showcasing Daniel's desperation and anger regarding his son's condition. However, the physical violence may come off as excessive without deeper emotional context, which could risk alienating the audience. The audience needs to understand Daniel's motivations more clearly to empathize with his actions.
  • The dialogue is impactful, but it could benefit from more subtext. Eli's responses feel somewhat predictable and lack the complexity that could make the confrontation more engaging. For instance, instead of simply stating that Daniel should have let him bless the well, Eli could express a deeper sense of betrayal or disappointment, adding layers to their conflict.
  • The physicality of the scene is strong, but the pacing feels rushed. The repeated slaps could be spaced out with more dialogue or internal conflict from Daniel, allowing the audience to feel the weight of each action. This would enhance the emotional stakes and make the violence feel more justified.
  • The setting of the giant reservoir is visually striking, but it could be used more symbolically. The reservoir represents both Daniel's ambition and the emotional void he feels regarding his son. Incorporating visual metaphors or descriptions that reflect this duality could enrich the scene.
  • The reactions of the onlookers are mentioned but not explored. Their presence could serve to heighten the tension or provide a contrasting perspective on the confrontation. Including their reactions could add depth to the scene and emphasize the gravity of Daniel's actions.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more internal conflict for Daniel before he resorts to violence. This could involve him grappling with his emotions about his son's condition and his relationship with Eli, making the eventual outburst feel more earned.
  • Enhance Eli's dialogue to reflect a more complex emotional state. Instead of simply stating what Daniel should have done, have him express his own fears or regrets about the situation, which could create a more dynamic exchange.
  • Slow down the pacing of the slaps. After each slap, allow for a moment of silence or a brief exchange of glances that conveys the weight of the action. This will give the audience time to absorb the emotional impact of the violence.
  • Utilize the setting of the reservoir to create a more symbolic backdrop. For example, describe how the vast emptiness of the reservoir mirrors Daniel's emotional state or how the construction represents his relentless pursuit of success at the cost of personal relationships.
  • Incorporate the reactions of the onlookers more prominently. Their shock or disapproval could serve to amplify the tension and provide a moral counterpoint to Daniel's actions, making the scene more impactful.



Scene 36 -  Fractured Bonds
76 INT. SUNDAY RANCH. NIGHT. 76

CAMERA holds a MEDIUM cu. on ELI. his face is red and bruised
from the beating he took from Daniel. OC we hear the sounds of
the family eating, small tal~-CAMERA sits with Eli and watches
his face start to turn and scowl towards ABEL. FINALLY:

ELI
You are such a stupid man, Abel.

REVERSE, THAT MOMENT, ABEL. He looks across the table
at his son.

ELI
You've let someone come in here
and walk all over us.
You've let him in and do his work
here and you're a stupid man for
what we could have had. Nothing
but goats and rocks and all the time
we were rich.

ABEL
I followed His word, Eli... I 've tried -

ELI
you didn't do anything but sit down.
You're lazy and you're stupid.
(beat)
Do you think God is going to come down
here and save you for being stupid? He doesn't
save stupid people, Abel.

Eli PUSHES THE TABLE IN FRONT OF HIM AND SLAMS IT TOWARDS ABEL,
PUSHING IT BACK AND PINNING HIM AGAINST THE WALL.

ELI JUMPS UP, MOVES TOWARDS HIM, ABEL IS TERRIFYED.

ELI
I WILL TEAR YOU APART FOR WHAT YOU'VE DONE.
YOU STUPID MAN. YOU STUPID, SMALL MAN.

ABEL
Son, stop this please. please.
67




ELI
How did he come here? Do you want to know?
I KNOW. I HAVE SEEN THIS IN A VISION.
It was your stupid son. It was Paul who
told him to come here. I know it. He told
him to come here and he told him what he could
take you for. He went to him and he said,
"My stupid, weak father will give away
his lots - go and take him - 11 and you let
it happen -- from a stupid father
to a stupid son.

CUT TO:

77 EXT. TRAIN DEPOT/NEAR LITTLE BOSTON. ANOTHER DAY. 77

A TRAIN has just arrived some new people/new atmosphere
around..CAMERA stays BEHIND A FIGURE, IN SHILOUETTE as it
steps off the train_

CAMERA follows behind this young MALE STRANGER (30s) as he makes
his way through the platform -

The MALE STRANGER walks, looks, then heads away from the depot,
towards Little Boston - we see NEW DERRICKS ERECTED ON THE HILLS
SURROUNDING THE TOWN.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama","Western"]

Summary At the Sunday Ranch, Eli confronts his father Abel at night, fueled by anger and frustration over their family's misfortunes. Bruised from a recent beating, Eli accuses Abel of being foolish and inactive, blaming him for their downfall. The tension escalates as Eli violently pushes a table towards Abel, expressing his rage and calling him a poor father. Abel, terrified, defends himself by claiming he has followed God's word. The scene captures the unresolved conflict between father and son, with Eli also blaming his brother Paul for their troubles.
Strengths
  • Intense emotional conflict
  • Revealing character dynamics
  • Dramatic tension
Weaknesses
  • Potential for excessive melodrama

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene is highly impactful due to the intense emotions, strong character dynamics, and significant revelations about the characters' motivations and relationships.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of family conflict and betrayal is effectively portrayed through the confrontation between Eli and Abel, adding depth to the characters and storyline.

Plot: 8.5

The plot is significantly advanced through the confrontation, revealing key character motivations and setting the stage for future developments.

Originality: 8

The scene presents a fresh approach to family conflict and power dynamics, with authentic dialogue and emotional depth in the characters' actions.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Eli and Abel are well-developed in this scene, showcasing their complex relationship and internal struggles, adding depth to the narrative.

Character Changes: 8

Both Eli and Abel undergo significant emotional turmoil and revelations during the confrontation, leading to potential character growth and development.

Internal Goal: 9

Eli's internal goal is to assert his dominance and power over Abel, reflecting his need for control and superiority within the family.

External Goal: 8

Eli's external goal is to confront Abel about letting someone take advantage of their family and to assert his authority over him.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between Eli and Abel is intense and emotionally charged, driving the scene's tension and drama.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Eli confronting Abel and asserting his power over him, creating uncertainty and tension for the audience.

High Stakes: 9

The high stakes are evident in the intense family conflict and betrayal revealed in the scene, setting the stage for potential dramatic consequences.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by revealing key character dynamics, motivations, and conflicts that will impact future events.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected escalation of tension and the revelation of betrayal within the family dynamic.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between Eli's belief in power and control versus Abel's belief in following God's word and being faithful. This challenges Eli's values of dominance and superiority.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact due to the intense confrontational dynamics and deep-seated emotions displayed by the characters.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is intense and impactful, effectively conveying the characters' emotions, motivations, and conflicts.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense conflict, emotional depth, and dramatic confrontation between the characters.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension gradually and escalating the conflict to a dramatic climax.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions, character actions, and dialogue.

Structure: 9

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear character motivations, conflict, and resolution.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures Eli's emotional turmoil and frustration, showcasing his bruised state both physically and psychologically. However, the dialogue can feel overly expository at times, particularly Eli's accusations towards Abel. While it's important to convey Eli's anger, the dialogue could be more nuanced to avoid sounding like a direct attack and instead reflect a more complex father-son dynamic.
  • The physicality of Eli pushing the table and confronting Abel adds a layer of tension, but it may benefit from more subtlety. Instead of a direct physical confrontation, consider using body language and facial expressions to convey Eli's rage, allowing the audience to feel the tension without explicit violence. This could enhance the emotional impact of the scene.
  • The pacing of the scene feels rushed, particularly in the transition from Eli's accusations to the physical confrontation. Allowing for more pauses and beats could heighten the tension and give the audience time to absorb the emotional weight of the confrontation. This would also allow for a more gradual build-up to Eli's outburst.
  • Eli's vision about Paul could be more effectively integrated into the scene. Instead of a sudden revelation, consider planting hints earlier in the dialogue that lead to this moment, creating a more cohesive narrative thread. This would make Eli's accusations feel more justified and less like a sudden plot twist.
  • The scene ends abruptly with a cut to the train depot, which can feel disjointed. A smoother transition or a closing line from Eli or Abel that encapsulates the emotional stakes could provide a more satisfying conclusion to the scene.
Suggestions
  • Revise Eli's dialogue to include more subtext and emotional complexity, allowing for a more layered confrontation with Abel. Consider using metaphors or personal anecdotes that reflect their relationship.
  • Incorporate more non-verbal cues and body language to convey Eli's anger and frustration, allowing the audience to feel the tension without relying solely on dialogue.
  • Slow down the pacing of the scene by adding pauses and beats, giving characters time to react and process the confrontation, which will enhance the emotional impact.
  • Foreshadow Eli's vision about Paul earlier in the scene to create a more cohesive narrative and make Eli's accusations feel more grounded in the story.
  • Consider adding a closing line or moment that encapsulates the emotional stakes of the confrontation, providing a smoother transition to the next scene.



Scene 37 -  A Brother's Reunion
78 EXT. PLAINVIEW COTTAGE. EVENING. 78

CAMERA is behind Daniel as he walks towards his cottage... He gets
closer... sitting out front of the house, waiting...

...THE STRANGER. He holds some camping equipment, life in a bag...He
stands up as Daniel approaches ...

DANIEL
Can I help you?

STRANGER
Daniel?

DANIEL
Who's that?

STRANGER
My name is Henry.
68




DANIEL
yeah?

HENRY
I'm Henry.

Daniel arrives and they stand with each other.

DANIEL
what can I do for you?

HENRY
I'm Henry Plainview_.! 'm from Fond du lac.

Daniel is quiet.

HENRY
I'm your brother from another mother.

BEAT.

HENRY
Ernest is my father.

DANIEL
who are you?

HENRY
Henry.

BEAT.

DANIEL
Marion Brands ... ? is that your mother?

HENRY
yes, that's right.

DANIEL


HENRY
I read about your gusher
in the paper. about your success.

BEAT. Long time, Daniel just looks at him.

DANIEL
you heard about my strike and you
just show up?
69



HENRY
Our father's dead. Ernest died.
I've heard and I wanted to find you •
...Did you know this?

DANIEL
When?

HENRY
... three months ago. I got a letter
from Anabelle --

DANIEL
My sister Anabelle?

Henry nods, "yes."

DANIEL
Where is she?

HENRY
still at home. Fond du Lac.

DANIEL
You came all the way from Wisconson --

HENRY
I'm coming from New Mexico.
I've been there. I came to find you ...

did you know about me?

DANIEL
...you have identification? do you
have this letter?

He hands over some IDENTIFICATION PAPERS/LETTER. Daniel regards
them. BEAT. Daniel is stunned and moved.

DANIEL
come inside.

He reaches for Henry's hand and shakes it...then give way to
hugging him... He holds his head and looks at his face and his eyes
and sees something...Henry speaks;


HENRY
Daniel: I'm starving.

CUT TO:
70
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In the evening outside Daniel's cottage in Plainview, Daniel encounters a stranger named Henry, who claims to be his brother and shares the news of their father's death. Initially skeptical, Daniel is moved by Henry's identification and emotional appeal. The scene culminates in a moment of connection as Daniel invites Henry inside, acknowledging their familial bond.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Revelatory moment
Weaknesses
  • Limited external conflict
  • Slow pacing

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene is emotionally charged and impactful, introducing a new dynamic that has the potential to significantly impact the story and characters. The revelation of Henry's identity and the family connection adds depth and complexity to Daniel's character.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene, centered around the unexpected reunion of long-lost family members, is compelling and adds depth to the narrative. The exploration of family dynamics and the impact of past decisions on relationships is engaging and thought-provoking.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene advances through the revelation of Henry's identity and the potential implications for Daniel's character arc. The introduction of a new family member adds complexity to the story and sets the stage for further development.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the theme of family dynamics and personal identity, with a unique approach to character interactions and revelations. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds depth to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Daniel and Henry are well-developed in this scene, with their emotional journey and the revelation of their familial connection driving the narrative forward. The interaction between the two characters is rich in depth and adds layers to their personalities.

Character Changes: 8

Both Daniel and Henry undergo significant emotional changes in the scene, as they confront their past and the newfound family connection. The revelation of Henry's identity prompts introspection and growth in Daniel, while Henry grapples with the impact of his father's death and the discovery of his brother.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to come to terms with the sudden appearance of his long-lost brother and the news of his father's death. This reflects his deeper need for family connection and understanding his own identity.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to understand the stranger's motives for showing up and to verify his identity. This reflects the immediate challenge of dealing with unexpected family news and establishing trust.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

While there is emotional tension in the scene due to the reunion and revelation, the conflict is more internal and emotional rather than external. The conflict arises from the characters' past experiences and their current emotional states.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, as Daniel is faced with conflicting emotions, trust issues, and the challenge of accepting Henry as his brother. The audience is left wondering how Daniel will navigate this new relationship.

High Stakes: 6

While the reunion between Daniel and Henry carries emotional weight and potential consequences for their relationship, the immediate stakes are more personal and internal. The scene sets the stage for higher stakes to come as the implications of Henry's arrival unfold.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by introducing a new family dynamic and potential plot developments related to Henry's arrival. The revelation of Henry's identity sets the stage for further exploration of family relationships and the impact of the past on the present.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected arrival of Henry, the revelation of his familial connection to Daniel, and the emotional impact of their reunion. The audience is kept on edge by the uncertainty of how the characters will react.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around family bonds, trust, and identity. Daniel is faced with the challenge of accepting a new family member and reconciling his past with his present.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, as the reunion between Daniel and Henry is a poignant moment that resonates with the audience. The emotional depth of the characters and the revelation of their familial connection evoke strong feelings of empathy and connection.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the emotional weight of the reunion between Daniel and Henry. The exchanges between the characters are authentic and reveal important information about their past and present circumstances.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the emotional intensity, the mystery surrounding the stranger's identity, and the deepening family drama. The audience is drawn into the characters' complex relationships and personal struggles.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and emotional resonance, allowing the audience to absorb the impact of the characters' interactions and revelations.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene adheres to standard formatting conventions for a screenplay, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting. The visual descriptions and character actions are effectively conveyed.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a traditional structure for a dramatic encounter, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and dialogue flow smoothly, engaging the audience in the unfolding drama.


Critique
  • The scene effectively introduces a new character, Henry, who claims to be Daniel's brother, which adds an intriguing layer to the narrative. However, the dialogue feels somewhat stilted and lacks natural flow. The exchanges between Daniel and Henry could benefit from more subtext and emotional depth to enhance the tension and connection between the characters.
  • The pacing of the scene is uneven. There are several beats where the characters simply stare at each other, which can create tension but may also lead to a feeling of stagnation. Consider varying the pacing with more dynamic dialogue or actions that reflect their emotional states.
  • Daniel's skepticism and guarded nature are well-established, but the scene could delve deeper into his internal conflict regarding family and trust. This could be achieved through more internal monologue or visual cues that reflect his emotional turmoil as he processes Henry's claims.
  • The visual elements are somewhat lacking in this scene. While the setting of the cottage is established, there is little description of the environment that could enhance the mood. Adding details about the evening atmosphere, such as the sounds of the desert or the fading light, could create a more immersive experience.
  • Henry's introduction as a character feels rushed. While the revelation of his identity is significant, the scene could benefit from a more gradual build-up to this moment. Perhaps including a brief backstory or a hint of their shared history could make the revelation more impactful.
Suggestions
  • Revise the dialogue to include more subtext and emotional nuance. Allow the characters to express their feelings indirectly, which can create a more engaging and realistic interaction.
  • Incorporate more physical actions or reactions during the beats of silence to maintain engagement. For example, Daniel could fidget or pace as he processes the information, while Henry could show signs of nervousness or eagerness.
  • Consider adding internal thoughts or flashbacks for Daniel to illustrate his emotional conflict about family and trust. This could help the audience connect with his character on a deeper level.
  • Enhance the visual description of the setting to create a more atmospheric scene. Describe the colors of the sunset, the sounds of the desert, or the feeling of the evening air to evoke a stronger sense of place.
  • Expand on Henry's character by providing hints of his backstory or motivations earlier in the scene. This could be done through dialogue or brief reflections that give the audience a reason to care about his arrival.



Scene 38 -  A Breakfast of Intentions
79 INT. PLAINVIEW COTTAGE. DAY. LATER. 79

Henry is eating ferociously from a meal set out in front of him
at the breakfast table. Daniel sits with HW on his lap.

WE WATCH HENRY SPEAK AND EAT IN SILENCE FROM HW'S POV.

CU. HW. watching him.

BRING SOUND BACK TO HEAR:

DANIEL
Where are you coming from?

HENRY
From New Mexico.

DANIEL
Yes, I know, but from where?

HENRY
Silver City. I've been there for two years.

CUT BACK TO HW. AND THE SOUND DROPS OUT. WE WATCH HIM WATCH
HENRY EAT AND TALK EAT AND TALK. HOLD, THEN BACK TO CONVERSATION
WITH SOUND:

HENRY
I was trying drilling of my own
for years, getting leases in texas and
louisiana.

DANIEL
Anything that produced?

HENRY
No. not like you. not like your
success.

DANIEL
Are you married?

HENRY
no. I spent time in jail. I had a
stretch of very bad time. had
nothing and was picked up in
louisiana. I worked on a chain
gang for six months. building
roads. that was a very hard time.
Are you married?
71


DANIEL
What were you in jail for?

HENRY
Believe it or not, for all the terrible
things that I'd gotten myself into,
when they picked me up I hadn't
done anything. but I've done my share
of things that shouldn't be talked about.

DANIEL
Have you ever thought about going back home?

HENRY
Yes. have you?

DANIEL
No.

BACK TO HW watching with no sound as DANIEL talks-He looks HARD
AT HENRY. HOLD. BACK TO DANIEL with HW on his lap. SOUND BACK;

DANIEL
I have my own family now.
And my own concerns.

SAME, LATER.
DANIEL pours some whiskey in a glass of rnilk...he does this out of
sight from HW ••

He takes the milk and sets it in front of HW...who looks up at
Daniel, who says:

DANIEL
drink.

drink it.

He motions for him to take the drink. HW drinks the milk.

CUT TO:
72


80 INT. PLAINVIEW COTTAGE - LATER - NIGHT. 80

DANIEL carries H.W., passed out, and places him in the
bed...DANIEL comes back out...HENRY is here ... DANIEL sits with him...

DANIEL
So what do you want, Henry?

HENRY
Nothing... if you can spare something,
I can work for you in any way - I know
I'll keep moving before long to get back
to Fond du Lac.

DANIEL
do you have any money?

HENRY
some. not much.

DANIEL
just answer me directly. you say, "nothing,"
and then you say you want to stay and work.
it's better I'd just like to hear
you say you'd like to be here.

HENRY
I would like to be here.
I'm a good worker, I've
worked cable-tool rigs and built railroads,
I won't need any favors ...

BEAT.
CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In this tense scene set in the Plainview cottage, Henry shares his troubled past with Daniel while sitting at the breakfast table. Daniel questions Henry about his life choices and intentions, seeking clarity on whether he wants to stay and work for him. As HW observes, Daniel pours whiskey into the boy's milk, complicating the family dynamics. The conversation culminates in Henry expressing his desire to remain and work, establishing a tentative agreement between the two men.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character exploration
  • Engaging dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Low physical action
  • Limited external conflict

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively delves into the dynamics of family relationships, introducing a new character and exploring Daniel's past. The dialogue is engaging and reveals layers of emotion and history, adding depth to the narrative.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a family reunion and the introduction of a new character add depth to the narrative, shedding light on Daniel's past and hinting at potential conflicts and resolutions. The scene sets the stage for further exploration of family dynamics.

Plot: 8

The plot progresses by introducing Henry and delving into Daniel's past, adding layers to the story and hinting at future developments. The scene sets the stage for potential conflicts and resolutions, driving the narrative forward.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh approach to themes of redemption and forgiveness, with authentic character actions and dialogue that feel genuine and compelling.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed, with Daniel's protective nature towards HW and his complex relationship with Henry shining through. The scene adds depth to the characters and sets the stage for further exploration of their dynamics.

Character Changes: 7

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the introduction of Henry and the exploration of Daniel's past hint at potential character growth and development in future interactions. The scene sets the stage for character evolution.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to find a sense of belonging and redemption after a period of hardship and mistakes. He seeks acceptance and a fresh start.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to find work and stability, as well as to earn the trust and approval of the other character.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict in the scene is subtle but present, primarily revolving around the strained relationship between Daniel and Henry, hinting at past tensions and potential resolutions. The emotional conflict adds depth to the narrative.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting desires and uncertain outcomes that keep the audience engaged and unsure of the characters' fates.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes in the scene are relatively low, focusing more on emotional and relational dynamics than immediate danger or high-risk situations. However, the emotional stakes are high, particularly in the strained relationship between Daniel and Henry.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing a new character, delving into Daniel's past, and hinting at potential conflicts and resolutions. It sets the stage for future developments and adds layers to the narrative.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable due to the characters' conflicting desires and the uncertain outcome of their interactions.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict revolves around redemption, forgiveness, and the possibility of change. It challenges the protagonist's beliefs about his own worth and ability to start anew.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from curiosity to tension to resignation, drawing the audience into the characters' emotional journeys. The exploration of family dynamics and past regrets adds emotional depth to the narrative.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is engaging and reveals the characters' emotions, histories, and motivations effectively. It adds depth to the scene and sets the tone for future interactions and developments.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense character interactions, emotional depth, and the revelation of character backstories and motivations.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, allowing for moments of reflection and character development.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows standard formatting conventions for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a traditional structure for character-driven dialogue scenes, effectively building tension and revealing character motivations.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes the dynamic between Daniel and Henry, showcasing Daniel's skepticism and Henry's desperation. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext to enhance the tension. For instance, Henry's past could be hinted at more subtly, allowing the audience to infer his struggles rather than having him state them outright.
  • The use of HW as a silent observer adds an interesting layer to the scene, but it could be more impactful if HW's reactions were more pronounced. Consider incorporating small gestures or expressions that reflect his feelings about the conversation, which would deepen the emotional stakes.
  • The pacing of the scene feels uneven. The transition from Henry's backstory to Daniel's insistence on his own family feels abrupt. A smoother transition could help maintain the flow and keep the audience engaged. Perhaps a moment of silence or a visual cue could bridge these two topics more effectively.
  • Daniel's pouring of whiskey into HW's milk is a strong visual moment that speaks volumes about his character. However, it could be enhanced by showing more of HW's reaction to the drink. This could serve to highlight the contrast between Daniel's parenting style and the innocence of HW, making the moment more poignant.
  • The dialogue, while informative, sometimes feels expository. Strive for a balance between exposition and natural conversation. Characters should reveal information about themselves and their pasts through their interactions rather than through direct questioning.
Suggestions
  • Incorporate more subtext in the dialogue to create tension and intrigue. Allow characters to hint at their pasts rather than stating them directly.
  • Enhance HW's presence by including subtle reactions or expressions that reflect his feelings about the conversation, making him a more active participant in the scene.
  • Smooth out the pacing by adding transitional moments or visual cues that connect the different topics of conversation more fluidly.
  • Expand on the visual moment of Daniel pouring whiskey into HW's milk by showing HW's reaction, which could deepen the emotional impact of the scene.
  • Revise the dialogue to reduce exposition and encourage characters to reveal information more organically through their interactions.



Scene 39 -  Reflections in the Dark
81 EXT. FIELDS - NIGHT - LATER. 81

It's later. Daniel and Henry are away from it all, sipping from
a flask, handed back and forth;

DANIEL
What did my Mother know... ?

HENRY
I don't know.
I don't know if she knew and looked
the other way... if she never knew.

DANIEL
How did you know?
73




HENRY
I worked for Winchell Hedrick,
do you remember?

DANIEL
yes.

HENRY
He told me.

Why did you leave? I know you didn't
get on with our Father

DANIEL
I worked for Geological Survey and
went to Kansas ... ! couldn't stay there.
I just couldn' t ... I don't like to explain
myself.

HOLD ON DANIEL.

DANIEL
are you an angry man, Henry?

HENRY
._about what?

DANIEL
are you envious? do you get envious?

HENRY
I don't think so.

BEAT.



DANIEL
I have a competition in me.
I want no one else to succeed.
I hate most people.

HENRY
That part of me is gone ...working and
not succeeding - all my failures has
left me - I don't care as much -
74




DANIEL
...if it's in me, it's in you...
(beat)
There are times when I look at people
and I see nothing worth liking.

BEAT. HOLD, THEN:

DANIEL
Don't you want to succeed?

HENRY
I used to dream and go after a success
like yours-.now I just want to survive.
I don't have the dedication to things
that I once had.
(beat)
_.I just don't feel that way_,

DANIEL
You're being lazy. that's what it is.
and you don't have to be.

I've worked people over and gotten what
I want from them and it makes me sick;
Because I see that all people are lazy.

They're easy to take_.

I want to make enough money that I
can move far away from everyone.

HENRY
What will you do about your boy?

DANIEL
I don't know. Maybe it will change.
Does your sound come back to you?
I don't know. Maybe no one knows that.
A doctor might not know that.

HENRY
Where is his mother?

DANIEL
... I don't want to talk about those things ...

BEAT.
75




DANIEL
I see the worst in people.

I don't need to look past seeing them
to get all I need.

I want to rule and never, ever explain myself.

I've built my hatreds up over the years,
little by little, Henry...

...to have you here gives me a second
breath... ! couldn't keep doing this
on my own with these people •••

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In a secluded field at night, Daniel and Henry share a flask while delving into their contrasting views on success and ambition. Daniel reveals his competitive nature and feelings of anger towards others, while Henry reflects on his resignation to mediocrity and desire for mere survival. Their conversation exposes deep emotional undercurrents and the complexities of their relationship, culminating in Daniel expressing his need for Henry's presence as a source of strength amidst their differing perspectives.
Strengths
  • Intense dialogue
  • Emotional depth
  • Character exploration
Weaknesses
  • Limited plot progression
  • Lack of external action

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene is powerful and emotionally charged, providing a deep insight into the protagonist's psyche. The dialogue is intense and thought-provoking, revealing layers of complexity in the character of Daniel.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of exploring the protagonist's inner conflicts and bitterness is compelling and well-executed. The scene effectively conveys the character's complex emotions and motivations.

Plot: 8.5

While the scene does not significantly advance the plot, it provides crucial insights into the protagonist's character and sets the stage for future developments. The focus on character introspection adds depth to the overall narrative.

Originality: 8

The scene presents a fresh approach to themes of competition and survival, with authentic dialogue that reveals the characters' inner struggles.


Character Development

Characters: 9.5

The scene shines in its portrayal of the protagonist, Daniel, showcasing his multifaceted personality and inner struggles. The interactions between Daniel and Henry reveal layers of complexity in both characters.

Character Changes: 9

The scene reveals subtle shifts in Daniel's character, showcasing his vulnerability, bitterness, and desire for power. The interactions with Henry prompt introspection and self-reflection, hinting at potential growth and change.

Internal Goal: 8

Daniel's internal goal is to understand his own motivations and feelings of hatred and competition towards others. This reflects his deeper need for validation and control.

External Goal: 7

Daniel's external goal is to make enough money to move far away from everyone. This reflects the immediate challenge of his current environment and desire for escape.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8.5

The scene is characterized by internal conflict and tension, as Daniel grapples with his emotions and confronts his past. The confrontational dialogue between Daniel and Henry adds a layer of external conflict to the scene.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting desires and motivations between the characters.

High Stakes: 8

The scene raises the stakes for the protagonist, highlighting the internal and external conflicts he faces. Daniel's emotional turmoil and desire for power add tension and complexity to the narrative.

Story Forward: 8

While the scene does not significantly move the plot forward, it deepens the audience's understanding of the protagonist and sets the stage for future developments. The insights gained from this scene contribute to the overall narrative arc.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable due to the characters' conflicting motivations and emotional revelations.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between Daniel's desire for success and control, and Henry's resignation to survival and lack of dedication. This challenges Daniel's beliefs about competition and motivation.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9.5

The scene has a high emotional impact, drawing the audience into the protagonist's inner turmoil and bitterness. The raw emotions and intense performances evoke a strong emotional response from the viewers.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is sharp, introspective, and emotionally charged, adding depth to the characters and driving the scene forward. The confrontational exchanges between Daniel and Henry are particularly impactful.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense emotional conflicts and deep character development.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and emotional depth gradually.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character dialogue.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a natural progression of dialogue and character interactions, building tension and emotional depth effectively.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the complex relationship between Daniel and Henry, showcasing their contrasting views on ambition and success. However, the dialogue can feel somewhat expository at times, lacking the subtlety that would make their emotional exchanges more impactful.
  • Daniel's character is well-established as driven and ruthless, but the scene could benefit from more nuanced expressions of vulnerability. While he expresses a need for Henry's presence, the transition from aggression to vulnerability feels abrupt and could be smoothed out to enhance emotional resonance.
  • Henry's responses often come off as passive, which contrasts sharply with Daniel's intensity. This dynamic could be more engaging if Henry displayed more emotional depth or conflict in his responses, rather than simply agreeing or deflecting Daniel's questions.
  • The pacing of the scene feels uneven, particularly in the beats where Daniel reflects on his feelings. Some lines could be trimmed or rephrased for clarity and impact, allowing the emotional weight of the conversation to land more effectively.
  • The setting of the night field is atmospheric, but it could be utilized more to reflect the characters' emotional states. Incorporating visual elements that mirror their internal struggles could enhance the scene's overall impact.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more subtext to the dialogue. Instead of having characters state their feelings directly, allow their emotions to emerge through their actions and reactions, creating a more layered conversation.
  • Introduce physical actions or gestures that reflect the characters' emotional states. For example, Daniel could fidget with the flask or avoid eye contact when discussing his vulnerabilities, while Henry might show signs of discomfort or frustration when discussing his past.
  • Explore Henry's character further by giving him moments of defiance or insight that challenge Daniel's worldview. This could create a more dynamic exchange and deepen their relationship.
  • Revise some of the dialogue to make it feel more natural and less like exposition. Aim for a balance between revealing character motivations and maintaining a conversational flow.
  • Enhance the setting by incorporating sensory details that reflect the tension and emotional stakes of the scene. For example, describe the sounds of the night or the feeling of the cool air to create a more immersive experience.



Scene 40 -  Searching for Connection
82 INT. PLAINVIEW COTTAGE. MORNING. 82

HW gets out of bed, looks around the empty house.

He goes into HENRY'S BAG and begins to look through the
i terns . He picks up a SMALL LEATHER JOURNAL. He looks it over...

... he has it upside down, trying to make sense of it... he looks
at more items. HOLD.
CUT TO:

83 EXT. BURNED DRILLING AREA. DAY. 83

HW walks around the BURNED OUT REMAINS of the derrick.

CUT TO:

84 INT. ELI'S CHURCH. DAY. 84

HW is in the church, which is empty except for MARY SUNDAY.
She tries to talk with h~..

HOLD THE TWO OF THEM. She tries to entertain him. HOLD.

CUT TO:
76



85 INT. BAR. LITTLE BOSTON. NIGHT. 85

A crowded scene in the local bar. people drunk, loud, etc.

DANIEL is off to the side a bit, enjoying things from a slight
distance with HENRY...

The other oil men from the area: BLAIZE and WHRIGHTSMAN are
here. drunk. telling jokes/stories. etc.

FLETCHER watches from across the room as Daniel and Henry
talk and drink. HOLD.

CUT TO:

86 INT. SUNDAY RANCH HOUSE. NIGHT. 86

H.W. is being cared for by MOTHER SUNDAY and MARY and RUTH.

MOTHER SUNDAY pours a bit of whisky again into a small
cup of goat's milk... she then takes this and sets it in front
of HW to drink.

ELI comes in... and looks at H. w... ;

ELI
Hello, young boy_.

CUT TO:

87 INT. BAR - CONTINUED. 87

There is a LOCAL VIXEN WOMAN who walks over to Daniel and takes
a seat near him. HOLD.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary HW wakes up in the Plainview cottage and explores Henry's bag, finding a journal that confuses him. He then surveys the wreckage of a burned drilling site before moving to Eli's church, where he interacts with Mary Sunday, who tries to engage him. The scene shifts to a bar in Little Boston, where Daniel and Henry observe the lively crowd. Finally, HW is cared for by Mother Sunday and Mary, while Eli enters the ranch house, greeting HW and hinting at a deeper connection. The scene captures HW's feelings of isolation and his quest for connection amidst contrasting environments.
Strengths
  • Intense emotional conflicts
  • Complex character interactions
  • High stakes and tension
Weaknesses
  • Potential for excessive chaos
  • Lack of resolution in some character conflicts

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys intense emotions, high stakes, and significant character conflicts, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the story.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring deep emotional conflicts, confrontations, and high stakes in the scene is well-executed, adding depth and complexity to the narrative.

Plot: 8

The plot progression in the scene is driven by the emotional conflicts and confrontations between characters, leading to significant developments in their relationships and motivations.

Originality: 7

The scene introduces unique settings and character dynamics, providing fresh approaches to familiar themes of power and social hierarchy.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters in the scene are well-developed, with complex emotions and motivations driving their actions. The interactions between characters add depth and tension to the narrative.

Character Changes: 8

At least one character undergoes significant emotional changes and revelations during the scene, leading to shifts in their relationships and motivations.

Internal Goal: 8

HW's internal goal in this scene is to make sense of the items he finds in Henry's bag, particularly the small leather journal. This reflects his curiosity and desire to understand more about Henry and his past.

External Goal: 7

HW's external goal in this scene is to navigate the different social situations he finds himself in, from the burned drilling area to the bar and the ranch house. This reflects his need to adapt to his surroundings and interact with various characters.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The level of conflict in the scene is high, with intense emotional confrontations and escalating tensions between characters, driving the narrative forward and adding drama.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with HW facing challenges in understanding the items he finds and navigating social dynamics.

High Stakes: 9

The scene features high stakes, including emotional confrontations, escalating tensions, and significant consequences for the characters involved, adding intensity and drama to the narrative.

Story Forward: 8

The scene effectively moves the story forward by introducing new conflicts, deepening character relationships, and setting up future developments in the narrative.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected interactions and revelations that occur in different locations.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

There is a philosophical conflict between HW's curiosity and the secrets he uncovers about Henry, as well as the social dynamics and power struggles present in the bar scene.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact on the audience, eliciting feelings of tension, fear, anger, and despair through the intense conflicts and emotional turmoil depicted.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the emotions, conflicts, and tensions between characters, adding depth and authenticity to their interactions.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the variety of settings and characters, as well as the tension and mystery surrounding HW's discoveries.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by balancing slower moments of introspection with faster-paced interactions and dialogue.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings and descriptions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, transitioning smoothly between different locations and character interactions.


Critique
  • The scene transitions between different locations (the cottage, the burned drilling area, Eli's church, and the bar) without clear narrative connections, which can confuse the audience. Each cut feels abrupt, and the emotional weight of HW's exploration is lost in the rapid shifts.
  • HW's actions of exploring Henry's bag and the burned drilling area are intriguing but lack depth in emotional resonance. The scene could benefit from more internal conflict or reflection from HW, allowing the audience to connect with his feelings of loss and confusion.
  • The dialogue in the church scene is minimal, which can work for atmosphere, but it may leave the audience wanting more character interaction. Mary Sunday’s attempts to engage HW could be expanded to reveal more about their relationship and the emotional state of both characters.
  • The bar scene introduces a lively atmosphere but contrasts sharply with the previous scenes' somber tones. This shift may disorient the audience. The transition could be smoother by incorporating elements that bridge the emotional gap between HW's exploration and Daniel's socializing.
  • The introduction of the local vixen woman in the bar feels somewhat disconnected from the main narrative. Her presence could be better integrated into Daniel's emotional state or the overall themes of isolation and connection, enhancing the scene's cohesion.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of HW reflecting on his feelings about Henry's absence or the burned drilling area. This could deepen the emotional impact and provide insight into his character.
  • To improve the transitions between scenes, consider using visual motifs or thematic elements that connect HW's exploration with Daniel's activities, such as parallels in their emotional journeys.
  • Expand the dialogue between HW and Mary Sunday in the church scene to explore their relationship further. This could provide a contrast to HW's isolation and highlight the support he receives from the Sunday family.
  • In the bar scene, incorporate Daniel's internal thoughts or reactions to the lively atmosphere around him. This could create a more cohesive emotional arc, showing how he copes with his feelings of loss and connection.
  • If the local vixen woman is to remain in the scene, consider giving her a line or two that reflects Daniel's emotional state or the themes of the story, making her presence feel more purposeful.



Scene 41 -  Divine Warnings and Dark Desires
88 INT. SUNDAY HOUSE. THAT MOMENT • 88

...H. w. looks up at ELI standing over him...Eli sits down,
crosses H.W. and gives him a blessing;

ELI
There is only one Father.
And there is only one son.

MARY
he can't hear you
77



ELI
yes he can.

MARY
Eli...he can't hear you- he doesn't-

ELI
QUIET.

ELI comes in real close and jostles H.W. to pay attention,
speaks right in his face:

ELI
You listen to this boy,
because I know you can hear me:
Your Father has provoked me.-and he
has provoked God. You should save
yourself before it's too late.

CUT TO:

89 EXT. ALLEY WAY/OUTSIDE BAR. NIGHT 89

DANIEL is in a safe, dark, quiet place with the Vixen. He is on
his knees and has his head buried inside her legs, leaning her
up against a wall. HOLD.

He finishes and gives her some money.

He fixes his hair, wipes sweat from his face with a rag from
his pocket and leaves.

CUT TO:
78
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In this tense scene, Eli attempts to communicate a blessing and warning to H.W., who remains unresponsive, while Mary expresses concern over Eli's insistence that H.W. can hear him. The scene contrasts with Daniel's detached encounter with a woman in a dark alley, highlighting the emotional urgency of Eli's message against the backdrop of Daniel's personal conflicts. The scene concludes with Daniel leaving the alley after his encounter.
Strengths
  • Intense character interactions
  • Emotional depth
  • Foreshadowing of future conflicts
Weaknesses
  • Potential for confusion with multiple storylines
  • Some abrupt transitions

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys intense emotions and conflict, with strong character interactions and a sense of foreboding. The juxtaposition of Eli's spiritual warning and Daniel's morally questionable behavior adds depth to the narrative.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a spiritual confrontation and moral ambiguity is compelling, adding layers to the characters and setting up future conflicts. The scene effectively explores themes of faith, power, and redemption.

Plot: 8

The plot advances through the confrontation between Eli and H.W., setting up future conflicts and character development. Daniel's actions in the alley add complexity to his character and foreshadow future events.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh approach to power dynamics and moral conflicts, with authentic character actions and dialogue that feel true to the setting and atmosphere.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed and their interactions drive the scene forward. Eli's intensity and H.W.'s vulnerability create a powerful dynamic, while Daniel's moral ambiguity adds depth to the narrative.

Character Changes: 8

Eli's confrontation with H.W. and Daniel's actions in the alley mark significant moments of character development, revealing new facets of their personalities and motivations. The scene sets the stage for future changes and conflicts.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to assert his authority and control over the situation, reflecting his need for power and dominance.

External Goal: 7.5

The protagonist's external goal is to intimidate and manipulate the other characters to achieve his desired outcome.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is intense and multi-layered, driving the narrative forward and revealing key aspects of the characters' personalities. The confrontation between Eli and H.W. and Daniel's inner turmoil create a sense of urgency and tension.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting beliefs and power struggles that create uncertainty and tension.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in the scene, with characters facing moral dilemmas, spiritual consequences, and personal conflicts. The outcome of the confrontation between Eli and H.W. and Daniel's actions could have far-reaching implications for the narrative.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by deepening the conflict between the characters and setting up future developments. Eli's warning to H.W. and Daniel's actions foreshadow key events and character arcs.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable due to the shifting power dynamics and moral conflicts that keep the audience guessing.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict is between the protagonist's belief in his own power and control versus the other characters' resistance to his authority.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, drawing the audience into the characters' struggles and conflicts. Eli's warning to H.W. and Daniel's actions evoke strong emotions of fear, anger, and empathy.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is intense and impactful, conveying the characters' emotions and motivations effectively. Eli's warning to H.W. and Daniel's interactions in the alley reveal key aspects of their personalities.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense dialogue, dramatic tension, and moral conflicts that keep the audience on edge.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the characters' fates.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and concise, following the expected format for its genre.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, effectively building tension and conflict.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the tension between Eli and Mary, showcasing Eli's authoritative demeanor and Mary's protective instincts towards H.W. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext to deepen the emotional stakes. Eli's insistence that H.W. can hear him feels somewhat heavy-handed; a more nuanced approach could convey Eli's desperation without overtly stating it.
  • Eli's character is portrayed as both a preacher and a manipulator, but the scene lacks a clear motivation for his aggressive approach. Why is he so adamant about H.W. hearing him? Adding a layer of personal investment or a backstory could enhance his character's complexity and make his actions more relatable.
  • The transition from Eli's intense moment with H.W. to Daniel's encounter with the vixen feels abrupt. While this juxtaposition highlights the contrasting lives of the characters, it may benefit from a smoother transition or a thematic link that ties the two scenes together more cohesively.
  • The physicality of Eli jostling H.W. is a strong visual choice, but it could be expanded upon to show H.W.'s reaction more vividly. Is he frightened, confused, or indifferent? Exploring H.W.'s emotional state could add depth to the scene and create a stronger connection with the audience.
  • The dialogue is functional but lacks emotional resonance. Phrases like 'Your Father has provoked me' could be rephrased to evoke a stronger emotional response. Consider using more evocative language that reflects Eli's fervor and desperation, which would enhance the dramatic tension.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment of hesitation or internal conflict for Eli before he confronts H.W. This could humanize him and make his actions feel more justified, rather than purely aggressive.
  • Explore H.W.'s emotional response to Eli's blessing. This could be done through physical reactions or internal thoughts, allowing the audience to connect with his character on a deeper level.
  • Introduce a visual motif or symbol that represents the conflict between Eli and Daniel, which could be subtly woven into the scene. This would create a thematic link between Eli's blessing and Daniel's actions in the alley.
  • Enhance the dialogue by incorporating more subtext. For example, instead of directly stating that H.W. can hear him, Eli could express his frustration in a more roundabout way, allowing the audience to infer the stakes.
  • Consider extending the scene to include a brief moment of reflection from H.W. after Eli leaves. This could provide insight into his thoughts and feelings about the encounter, adding depth to his character.



Scene 42 -  Inferno in the Cottage
90 INT. PLAINVIEW COTTAGE. NIGHT - LATER. 90

It's dark and quiet. DANIEL is passed out in bed.-HENRY is in
another room sleeping.
H. w. enters into Henry's room. _____.. and takes out a sample bottle
of CRUDE OIL. He pours this THICK BLACK OIL around Henry's
bed--
He makes a long trail back out into the main part of the
house ... pouring the oil in a line._

ANGLE, H.W.
He sits down in the kitchen and takes out a box of MATCHES-.and
STRIKES THE OIL INSTANTLY ON FIRE.

IT TAKES OFF LIKE A ROCKET, SHOCKING/TERRIFYING H.W. AND IN A
FLASH HENRY'S ROOM IS ON FIRE.

BLACK SMOKE FILLS THE AIR.

H.W. sees the FIRE start to CATCH THE CURTAINS and THE FURNITURE
in the MAIN ROOM...

...HENRY-.wakes up...sees BLACK SMOKE FILLING HIS ROOM AND FLAMES
AROUND THE BED AND DARTS OUT OF BED - HE SEES H.W. ON THE FLOOR,
FIRE AROUND HIM -

HENRY MOVES, SMACKS THE MATCHES FROM HW's HANDS - THROWS
HIM UNDER HIS ARM LIKE A DOLL AND MOVES TO DANIEL'S ROOM-

H.W. is KICKING AND SCREAMING. HENRY CALLS OUT;

HENRY
DANIEL. DANIEL. GET UP. GET UP.

Daniel wakes, sees this.

HENRY
COME, COME, WAKE UP AND LEAVE RIGHT NOW.

DANIEL SMASHES A BEDROOM WINDOW AND GETS HIMSELF OUT - HENRY AND
H.W. BANG THROUGH THE FRONT DOOR --

CUT TO:
79



91 EXT. PLAINVIEW COTTAGE. NIGHT. THAT MOMENT. 91

They're outside as the cottage RIPS UP IN FLAMES, DANIEL
HOLDS H.W. by HIS ARMS AND SHOUTS IN HIS FACE;

DANIEL
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO US?

OPEN YOUR MOUTH.

The PLAINVIEW COTTAGE BURNS.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In a tense and chaotic scene, H.W. recklessly ignites a fire in Henry's room by pouring crude oil and lighting it with matches while Daniel sleeps. As flames engulf the cottage, Henry wakes to the danger, quickly grabs H.W. to protect him, and rushes to wake Daniel. They manage to escape through a smashed window just as the cottage is consumed by flames, leaving them to confront the aftermath of H.W.'s dangerous actions.
Strengths
  • Intense conflict
  • Emotional impact
  • Character development
  • High stakes
Weaknesses
  • Potential for confusion due to chaotic events

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene is well-executed with a high level of tension, emotional impact, and character development. The intense conflict and chaotic events keep the audience engaged and invested in the story.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene revolves around a sudden fire breaking out in the cottage, leading to a dramatic and intense confrontation between the characters. The concept effectively drives the emotional and narrative elements of the story.

Plot: 8.5

The plot of the scene is crucial in showcasing the escalating conflict and emotional turmoil faced by the characters. The events of the scene have a significant impact on the overall story.

Originality: 9

The scene is original in its depiction of a destructive act that puts the characters in immediate danger, with authentic actions and dialogue that heighten the tension and suspense.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters in the scene experience significant development and emotional growth, particularly H.W. and Henry. Their reactions to the fire and the ensuing chaos reveal new facets of their personalities.

Character Changes: 8

The characters, especially H.W. and Henry, undergo significant changes in response to the fire and its aftermath. Their actions and reactions reveal new layers of their personalities and motivations.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to protect himself and his family from the fire started by H.W. This reflects his deeper need for safety and security.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to escape the burning cottage and ensure the safety of his family. This reflects the immediate challenge of the fire and danger they are facing.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is intense and multifaceted, involving both external elements like the fire and internal struggles within the characters. The high level of conflict drives the emotional impact of the scene.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the characters facing a life-threatening situation and conflicting motivations that create tension and conflict.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes in the scene are extremely high, with the characters facing imminent danger and potential loss. The threat of the fire and its consequences raise the tension and urgency of the situation.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by introducing a major conflict and showcasing the characters' reactions to a life-threatening situation. The events of the scene have a lasting impact on the narrative.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the sudden and shocking actions of H.W. that put the characters in immediate danger, creating uncertainty and suspense.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the clash between the protagonist's values of family and safety against H.W.'s destructive actions. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs and values.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact on the audience, eliciting fear, shock, and empathy for the characters. The intense moments of chaos and danger create a sense of urgency and tension.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue in the scene is intense and impactful, conveying the fear and urgency of the characters. While there are moments of silence and action, the spoken lines effectively drive the emotional tone of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense action, high stakes, and the characters' desperate struggle to survive the fire.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene effectively builds suspense and urgency, with a fast-paced rhythm that keeps the audience on edge.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene effectively conveys the chaotic and dangerous situation, following the expected format for a dramatic and intense moment in the screenplay.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, following the expected format for a dramatic and intense moment in the screenplay.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension through the use of fire as a destructive force, symbolizing H.W.'s internal turmoil and the chaotic environment he is growing up in. However, the motivations behind H.W.'s actions could be more clearly established. Why does he choose to set the fire? Is it an act of rebellion, a cry for attention, or something else? Providing a clearer emotional context for H.W.'s actions would enhance the audience's understanding of his character.
  • The pacing of the scene is rapid, which works well for the urgency of a fire. However, the transition from H.W. pouring the oil to the fire igniting feels abrupt. A moment of hesitation or internal conflict from H.W. before he strikes the match could add depth to his character and heighten the tension.
  • The dialogue is minimal, which is appropriate for a scene filled with action and chaos. However, Henry's lines could be more impactful. Instead of simply calling for Daniel, he could express a sense of urgency or fear that reflects the gravity of the situation. This would help to convey the emotional stakes more effectively.
  • The visual elements are strong, particularly the imagery of the fire and smoke. However, the scene could benefit from more sensory details. Describing the heat of the flames, the acrid smell of smoke, or the sound of crackling fire would immerse the audience further into the chaos.
  • The ending of the scene, with Daniel shouting at H.W., feels somewhat disconnected from the earlier moments of panic. While it is understandable that Daniel is angry, the emotional transition from fear to anger could be more gradual. This would make Daniel's reaction feel more authentic and relatable.
Suggestions
  • Clarify H.W.'s motivations for setting the fire. Consider adding a brief moment of internal conflict or a flashback that hints at his feelings of neglect or anger towards Daniel.
  • Introduce a moment of hesitation for H.W. before he strikes the match, allowing the audience to feel the weight of his decision and the consequences that follow.
  • Enhance Henry's dialogue to reflect the urgency of the situation. Instead of just calling for Daniel, have him express fear or desperation to convey the seriousness of the fire.
  • Incorporate more sensory details to enrich the scene. Describe the heat, sounds, and smells associated with the fire to create a more immersive experience for the audience.
  • Develop a more gradual emotional transition for Daniel from panic to anger. This could involve him expressing concern for H.W. before shifting to anger, making his reaction feel more layered and believable.



Scene 43 -  A Heartbreaking Farewell
92 EXT. TRAIN DEPOT. LITTLE BOSTON. DAY. 92

Daniel and H.W. are walking together. Both dressed for a trip.
They board the train.

CUT TO:

93 INT. TRAIN. MOMENTS LATER. 93

Daniel and H.W. sit on the train...waiting for it to leave.
Daniel is clearly hiding something and fighting back emotions.

He HUGS H.W. very tight. kisses his head over and over
and over again.

HOLD. HW looks up at him. Daniel says and tries to communicate;

DANIEL
I'll be right back. I'm going
to go to talk to the conductor.
I will be right back. you stay here.
you stay here?

HW nods some sort of approval. Daniel leaves. HOLD with HW.

For a very long cu. we hold on HW's face as he sits. SOUND drops
out slowly._

._the TRAIN starts to move a little. HW gets up and looks out the
window...

HIS POV.
Daniel is walking away from the TRAIN DEPOT.

ANGLE, DANIEL.
80

CAMERA leads him as he walks away.

ANGLE, HW.
starts to go crazy and scream for his Father and moves to run
off the train -

BUT IS GRABBED by FLETCHER, who is there to take hold of him and
calm him down_.

THE TRAIN STARTS FORWARD.

HW
NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO.

FLETCHER holds him as tight as he can as he kicks and screams.

94 CU. DANIEL. 94
as the train leaves in the b.g. He keeps walking. HOLD THIS VERY
LONG WALK AWAY, as the train leaves ...

CUT TO~
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In a tense and emotional scene at a train depot, Daniel shares a poignant moment with his son H.W., expressing deep affection before leaving him behind. As the train departs, H.W. panics upon realizing his father is walking away, screaming for him while Fletcher tries to calm the distressed boy. The scene captures the heart-wrenching conflict of separation, emphasizing the emotional distance between father and son.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Powerful performances
  • Effective use of silence and visuals
Weaknesses
  • Limited dialogue
  • Slow pacing in some parts

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene is emotionally charged, effectively conveying the heart-wrenching moment of separation between Daniel and H.W. The tension and anxiety are palpable, drawing the audience into the characters' emotional turmoil.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of a father and son being separated against their will is a universal and relatable theme that resonates with audiences. The scene effectively explores the depth of their relationship and the pain of separation.

Plot: 8.5

While the scene doesn't significantly advance the plot in terms of external events, it deepens the emotional conflict between Daniel and H.W., setting the stage for future developments in their relationship.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh approach to the theme of separation and emotional conflict, with authentic character actions and dialogue that resonate with the audience.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Daniel and H.W. are well-developed and their emotional arcs are compelling. The scene showcases their complex relationship and the depth of their bond, adding layers to their characters.

Character Changes: 8

Both Daniel and H.W. undergo emotional changes in the scene, with Daniel showing vulnerability and affection towards his son, while H.W. experiences fear and distress at the prospect of separation. Their dynamic evolves as they navigate the emotional turmoil.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to hide his emotions and protect H.W. from the truth. This reflects his fear of vulnerability and his desire to shield H.W. from pain.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to leave H.W. behind and continue on his journey. This reflects the immediate circumstances of their separation and the challenges they face in their relationship.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, revolving around the emotional turmoil of the characters facing separation. The tension arises from their struggle to cope with the impending departure and the uncertainty it brings.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with H.W. resisting separation and Daniel struggling to maintain his composure, creating conflict and tension.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in the scene as the emotional bond between Daniel and H.W. is tested by their impending separation. The outcome of their parting has significant implications for their relationship and future interactions.

Story Forward: 7

While the scene doesn't propel the external plot forward significantly, it lays the groundwork for future developments in the characters' relationship and emotional arcs. The emotional depth explored in the scene sets the stage for future conflicts and resolutions.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable in the emotional reactions of the characters and the unexpected turn of events, keeping the audience on edge.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict is between honesty and protection. Daniel struggles with telling H.W. the truth and shielding him from the pain of separation.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9.5

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking feelings of sadness, fear, and heartbreak in the audience. The intense emotions portrayed by the characters resonate deeply, creating a powerful connection with the viewers.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is minimal but impactful, focusing on non-verbal communication and the characters' emotional reactions. The silence and expressions speak volumes, enhancing the emotional depth of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its emotional intensity, visual storytelling, and the audience's investment in the characters' relationship.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene enhances its emotional impact, allowing the tension to build gradually and the characters' emotions to resonate with the audience.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to the expected format for emotional scenes in a screenplay, enhancing the clarity and impact of the storytelling.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a traditional structure for emotional moments in a screenplay, building tension and conflict effectively.


Critique
  • The emotional weight of this scene is palpable, particularly in Daniel's interactions with H.W. However, the scene could benefit from more explicit visual cues to enhance the emotional stakes. For instance, showing Daniel's facial expressions more vividly could help convey his internal struggle as he prepares to leave H.W.
  • The dialogue is minimal, which works well for the tension, but it might be enhanced by adding a few more lines that reflect Daniel's conflicted feelings. Perhaps a line that hints at his fears or regrets about leaving H.W. could deepen the emotional impact.
  • The pacing of the scene is effective, especially with the long hold on H.W.'s face. However, the transition from Daniel's departure to H.W.'s panic could be more dynamic. Consider using sound design or visual effects to heighten the tension as the train starts moving, emphasizing H.W.'s realization that Daniel is leaving.
  • Fletcher's role in calming H.W. is crucial, but his character could be fleshed out a bit more. A brief line or action that shows Fletcher's concern for H.W. could add depth to his character and make the moment feel more supportive.
  • The scene ends with a strong visual of Daniel walking away from the train, but it might be more impactful if we see H.W.'s reaction to the train leaving before cutting to Daniel. This would create a more immediate emotional connection between the two characters.
Suggestions
  • Add a line of dialogue from Daniel that expresses his fear or regret about leaving H.W., which would enhance the emotional stakes.
  • Incorporate more visual cues, such as close-ups of Daniel's face, to better convey his internal conflict as he prepares to leave H.W.
  • Consider using sound design to amplify the tension as the train begins to move, perhaps with a rising score or the sound of the train's whistle to signify H.W.'s panic.
  • Give Fletcher a brief line or action that shows his concern for H.W., making him a more supportive presence in the scene.
  • Rearrange the sequence slightly to show H.W.'s reaction to the train leaving before cutting to Daniel, creating a stronger emotional connection between the two characters.



Scene 44 -  A Night of Vulnerability
95 INT. MESS HALL. NIGHT. 95

Daniel and Henry together, drunk. Sitting and talking.
Daniel is nodding off. So drunk he can't keep his eyes open.

DANIEL
He's not my son. He's not even my son.

HENRY
What do you mean?

DANIEL
He's not my son_

He begins to break down, holds his crotch, looks down;

DANIEL
...my cock doesn't even work how' m
I gonna make a kid?

does yours work Henry?

our Father's worked well, look at you.

HOLD.

DANIEL
I asked you a question •••
81


HENRY
...when I'm lucky.

Daniel wobbles up and stands and walks off .•• HOLD ON HENRY
looking at Daniel.

CUT TO:

96 INT. TRAIN - MOVING - LATER. 96

CAMERA holds on FLETCHER and HW. FLETCHER is holding HW and
calming him down, petting his head, speaking softly to him-.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In a dimly lit mess hall, Daniel and Henry engage in a heavy conversation fueled by alcohol. Daniel, feeling inadequate due to his impotence and inability to have children, expresses deep emotional turmoil, questioning his masculinity. As his emotions escalate, he abruptly stands up and walks away, leaving Henry to reflect on the unresolved tension and Daniel's struggles.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Raw character exploration
  • Intense dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Limited external plot progression
  • Heavy reliance on dialogue

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene is powerful in its emotional depth and character exploration, providing a raw and intense moment of vulnerability and conflict between Daniel and Henry. The dialogue is impactful and reveals layers of complexity within the characters.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring Daniel's doubts about fatherhood and his emotional struggles adds depth to his character and drives the scene's emotional impact. The interaction with Henry provides a platform for self-reflection and conflict.

Plot: 7.5

While the plot progression is minimal in terms of external events, the scene focuses on internal character dynamics and emotional revelations. It serves as a pivotal moment for character development and introspection.

Originality: 9

The scene explores themes of masculinity and fatherhood in a unique and emotionally resonant way. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and raw, adding to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Daniel and Henry are richly portrayed in this scene, showcasing their vulnerabilities, insecurities, and conflicting emotions. The depth of their interactions adds layers to their personalities and drives the emotional intensity of the scene.

Character Changes: 8

Both Daniel and Henry undergo emotional changes in the scene, with Daniel revealing his insecurities and doubts about fatherhood, while Henry engages in a raw and honest conversation with Daniel. The interaction leads to moments of vulnerability and self-reflection.

Internal Goal: 8

Daniel's internal goal is to come to terms with his own insecurities and fears about his masculinity and ability to father a child. His breakdown and questioning of his own virility reflect deeper issues of self-worth and identity.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is not clearly defined, but it seems to be seeking reassurance and connection from his friend Henry. The immediate challenge is his emotional breakdown and vulnerability.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, revolving around Daniel's doubts about fatherhood and his emotional struggles. The tension between Daniel and Henry adds depth to the emotional conflict and drives the scene's intensity.

Opposition: 6

The opposition in this scene is subtle, with the characters facing internal struggles and emotional challenges. The audience is left uncertain about the characters' emotional states and vulnerabilities.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes in the scene are primarily emotional, revolving around the characters' inner turmoil, doubts, and vulnerabilities. The high emotional intensity and conflict between Daniel and Henry raise the stakes in their relationship and personal struggles.

Story Forward: 7

While the scene does not significantly move the external plot forward, it drives character development and emotional depth, providing insights into the inner struggles and conflicts of the main characters. It adds layers to the narrative and sets the stage for future developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the raw and emotional nature of the characters' interactions. The audience is unsure of how the characters will react or what revelations will come to light.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around themes of masculinity, fatherhood, and self-worth. Daniel's questioning of his ability to father a child challenges traditional notions of masculinity and societal expectations.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking feelings of sadness, anger, and confusion through the raw and vulnerable portrayal of the characters' inner struggles. The intensity of the emotions resonates with the audience and creates a powerful connection.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene is poignant, raw, and emotionally charged, effectively conveying the inner turmoil and conflicts of the characters. It drives the emotional impact and authenticity of the interaction.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the raw and emotional dialogue, as well as the vulnerability and introspection displayed by the characters. The audience is drawn into the characters' emotional journey and struggles.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively conveys the emotional intensity and vulnerability of the characters. The rhythm of the dialogue and character interactions enhances the raw and intimate atmosphere of the scene.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene effectively conveys the emotional intensity and vulnerability of the characters. The use of dialogue and scene direction enhances the raw and intimate atmosphere of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure and pacing that effectively conveys the emotional depth and vulnerability of the characters. The formatting enhances the raw and intimate atmosphere of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures Daniel's emotional turmoil and drunken state, which is crucial for character development. However, the dialogue feels somewhat disjointed and lacks a clear emotional arc. Daniel's statement about H.W. not being his son is powerful, but it could benefit from more context or a preceding buildup to enhance its impact.
  • The use of physicality, such as Daniel holding his crotch, is a strong visual cue that conveys his impotence and frustration. However, it may come off as overly crude without sufficient emotional grounding. Balancing the physicality with more introspective dialogue could deepen the audience's understanding of Daniel's character.
  • Henry's responses are minimal and lack depth, which makes it difficult for the audience to gauge his emotional state or his relationship with Daniel. Expanding Henry's dialogue could provide a more nuanced interaction and allow for a richer exploration of their dynamic.
  • The transition from this scene to the train scene feels abrupt. While it effectively conveys a sense of disorientation, it may leave the audience confused about the emotional stakes. A smoother transition or a brief moment of reflection from Henry could help bridge the two scenes more cohesively.
  • The pacing of the scene is uneven. Daniel's drunkenness leads to a slower rhythm, but the emotional weight of the dialogue could be enhanced with more deliberate pauses or reactions from Henry, allowing the audience to absorb the gravity of Daniel's words.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment of silence or reflection after Daniel's declaration about H.W. to allow the weight of his words to resonate with the audience.
  • Enhance Henry's character by giving him more dialogue that reflects his feelings about Daniel's statements. This could create a more engaging back-and-forth that highlights their relationship.
  • Explore Daniel's emotional state further by incorporating flashbacks or memories that illustrate his feelings of inadequacy and loss, providing context for his current state.
  • Smooth the transition to the next scene by including a brief moment where Henry reacts to Daniel's breakdown, perhaps showing concern or confusion before the cut to the train.
  • Consider revising the dialogue to make it more impactful. Instead of focusing solely on physicality, delve into Daniel's feelings of failure and regret, which could create a more profound emotional connection with the audience.



Scene 45 -  Confrontation at the Depot
97 INT. LITTLE BOSTON TRAIN DEPOT. DAY 97

It's days later. DANIEL and HENRY enter, dressed and clean and
meet with two MEN (40s) waiting for them:

H.M. TILFORD and J.J. CARTER from STANDARD OIL COMPANY.

They all shake hands, reserved, polite. Daniel intro's Henry as
his brother from Fond Du Lac, Wisconsin.

They all sit down, then:

TILFORD
how's your boy?

DANIEL
thank you for asking.

TILFORD
is there anything we can do?
DANIEL
Thanks for asking is enough.

TILFORD
So: What are your plans?

DANIEL
is this about buying up my tracts here?

TILFORD
yes.

DANIEL
The cable said it was about my Coyote
Hills lease.
82

TILFORD
We'd like that too.

DANIEL
What's your offer for Coyote Hills?

TILFORD
We'll offer 150,000 for full title.

DANIEL
That's a deal.

BEAT.

DANIEL
what? what's next?

TILFORD
You have 11,000 acres in Little Boston.
You have one proven well that
was damaged --

DANIEL
I have three wells proven,
you haven't been paying attention.
It's three proven wells.

TILFORD
We'll make you a millionaire
from one minute to the next while
you're sitting here.

BEAT.

DANIEL
What else would I do with myself?

BEAT.

TILFORD
are you asking me?

DANIEL
what else would I do with myself?

TILFORD
Take care of your son.

DANIEL
............ ?
83



TILFORD
I don't know what you would do.

DANIEL
If you were me and Standard offered
to buy what you had for a million
dollars ---- why? So why?

TILFORD
you know why.

DANIEL
...you guys should scratch around and find
it like the rest of us instead of buying
up someone else's hard work --

TILFORD
what do you want?

DANIEL
are you gonna change your shipping costs?

TILFORD
we don't dictate shipping costs.
That's railroad business

DANIEL
you don't control the railroads?
of course you do. of course you do.

TILFORD
how you gonna get this stuff out of here?
build a pipeline, make a deal with Union
Oil, be my guest, but if you don't
pull that off = you've got an ocean of
oil under your feet with nowhere to go_.._
Why don't you let us take it from here
and make you rich.-spend time with your boy.
It's a great discovery_.now let us help you.

BEAT. There is silence for a very long time __..VERY LONG TIME.

DANIEL
Did you just tell me how to run my Family?
84




TILFORD
it might be more important
for you now that you've proven
the field and we're offering to
buy you out.

BEAT--··-------·········
DANIEL
One night.---! 'm gonna come
inside your house, wherever you're
sleeping...and I'm gonna cut your throat.

TILFORD
what? what are you talking about Daniel,
have you gone crazy?

DANIEL
-- did you hear what I said?

TILFORD
-- yes, I did, why are you saying it?

DANIEL
You Don't Tell Me About My Son.

TILFORD
-- why are acting insane and saying you're
gonna cut my throat?

CARTER
Daniel, what is this? get ahold of yourself.

TILFORD
We're not telling you anything. I'm sorry
if you're offended. I want you
to be reasonable.

Daniel stands up. Henry does the same.

DANIEL
You'll see what I can do.

Daniel and Henry exit.

CUT TO:
85
Genres: ["Drama","Western"]

Summary At the Little Boston Train Depot, Daniel and Henry meet with H.M. Tilford and J.J. Carter from Standard Oil Company to negotiate the sale of Daniel's oil leases. Tensions rise as Tilford offers $150,000 for the Coyote Hills lease, but Daniel insists he has three proven wells and questions Tilford's motives. The situation escalates when Tilford suggests Daniel should prioritize his family over business, provoking a violent threat from Daniel. The meeting concludes with Daniel and Henry leaving after the confrontation.
Strengths
  • Intense dialogue
  • Character depth
  • Emotional impact
  • Tension building
Weaknesses
  • Potential for the scene to be overly confrontational

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene is intense, well-written, and crucial for character development and plot progression. The dialogue is sharp, and the conflict is palpable, making it a standout moment in the screenplay.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of Daniel facing off against a powerful oil company while protecting his son's interests is compelling and drives the narrative forward.

Plot: 9.2

The plot thickens as Daniel is forced to make a difficult decision regarding his oil tracts, showcasing his values and priorities. The scene propels the story towards a crucial turning point.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh take on the classic negotiation trope by infusing it with personal stakes, moral complexity, and a sense of impending conflict. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and grounded in the historical context of the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 9.5

The characters, especially Daniel, are well-developed and their motivations are clear. The interaction between Daniel and the Standard Oil representatives reveals layers of complexity and depth.

Character Changes: 9

While Daniel's character remains steadfast in his principles, the scene deepens the audience's understanding of his fierce protectiveness and independence.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to assert his independence and protect his family's legacy. His deeper need is to maintain control over his land and resources, reflecting his fear of losing his autonomy and identity.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to negotiate a deal with Standard Oil Company for his land and oil wells. This goal reflects the immediate challenge of balancing financial gain with personal values and principles.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is high-stakes and emotionally charged, with Daniel's fierce protectiveness clashing against the corporate interests of Standard Oil.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting goals, power struggles, and moral dilemmas driving the conflict. The audience is kept on edge by the unpredictable nature of the negotiations and the characters' shifting alliances.

High Stakes: 10

The stakes are high as Daniel must decide between financial gain and his principles, with the future of his oil business and his relationship with his son hanging in the balance.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly advances the plot by introducing a major decision point for Daniel and setting the stage for future conflicts and resolutions.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting power dynamics, unexpected threats, and moral ambiguity. The protagonist's actions and dialogue keep the audience guessing about his true intentions and the outcome of the negotiation.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the protagonist's belief in hard work and self-reliance versus the corporate mentality of buying out others' achievements. This challenges the protagonist's values and worldview, highlighting the clash between individualism and corporate greed.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9.2

The scene evokes strong emotions, particularly anger and defiance, as Daniel stands his ground against the representatives from Standard Oil. The tension is palpable and keeps the audience engaged.

Dialogue: 9.3

The dialogue is sharp, impactful, and reveals the characters' personalities and conflicts effectively. Each line adds to the tension and drama of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its high stakes, emotional intensity, and moral dilemmas. The conflict between the characters keeps the audience invested in the outcome, while the sharp dialogue and escalating tension maintain suspense.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by gradually building tension, escalating conflict, and highlighting emotional beats. The rhythm of the dialogue and action keeps the audience engaged and invested in the characters' fates.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene adheres to the expected format for its genre, with concise action lines, clear dialogue attribution, and effective scene transitions. The formatting enhances the readability and flow of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a traditional structure for a negotiation sequence, with clear character motivations, escalating tension, and a dramatic climax. The pacing and rhythm effectively build suspense and emotional impact.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the tension between Daniel and the representatives from Standard Oil, particularly through the dialogue that reveals Daniel's defensiveness and paranoia. However, the pacing feels uneven, especially during the long beats of silence. While silence can be powerful, it may benefit from more visual or physical cues to maintain engagement.
  • Daniel's emotional volatility is well portrayed, but the transition from a calm negotiation to a violent threat feels abrupt. This could be smoothed out with more gradual escalation in his tone and body language, allowing the audience to feel the mounting pressure before the outburst.
  • The dialogue is sharp and reflects the characters' motivations, but some lines could be tightened for clarity. For instance, Daniel's repeated questioning about what he would do with himself could be more concise, enhancing the urgency of his emotional state.
  • The introduction of Henry as Daniel's brother feels somewhat underdeveloped. While it establishes a familial connection, the scene could benefit from a brief moment that highlights their relationship or shared history, adding depth to their dynamic in this high-stakes situation.
  • The visual elements of the scene are minimal, primarily relying on dialogue. Incorporating more descriptive actions or reactions from the characters could enhance the tension and provide a richer context for their emotional states.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more physical actions or reactions during the long beats of silence to maintain audience engagement and build tension. For example, show Daniel fidgeting or Henry exchanging worried glances with him.
  • Gradually escalate Daniel's emotional state leading up to his threat. Perhaps he could start with a sarcastic remark before moving to anger, allowing the audience to witness his transformation.
  • Tighten the dialogue by removing repetitive phrases or questions. For instance, streamline Daniel's inquiries about his future to make them more impactful.
  • Include a moment that showcases the bond between Daniel and Henry, such as a shared look or a brief exchange that hints at their past, to deepen the audience's understanding of their relationship.
  • Enhance the visual storytelling by incorporating more descriptive elements, such as the setting's atmosphere or the characters' body language, to complement the dialogue and enrich the scene.



Scene 46 -  Fractured Ambitions
98 INT. DANIEL'S TENT. NIGHT - DAYS LATER 98

Daniel is speaking as he packs a bag, in a bit of a trance,
sotto scene~ Fletcher is back from his trip with H.W. They
commiserate~

FLETCHER
How much did they offer?

BEAT. No answer.

DANIEL
It's the irony of fate that they have
to come knocking isn't it? trying to
buy up what we've done- we'll do it
this way and we won't have to grovel.

BEAT. SILENCE. THEN:

DANIEL
That stupid woman should have let us
build a hospital here ••• how big is his room?

FLETCHER
He shares a room with another boy.

DANIEL
Who?

FLETCHER
an older boy about twelve, he's been there
for a year, named Ballard.

DANIEL
how big is the room?

FLETCHER
small..--i t' s bigger than this tent._

DANIEL
That woman should have listened to me.
we could have built them something
better_.

BEAT.
86

FLETCHER
Daniel: How much do you know about Henry?

DANIEL
uh-huh.

Daniel's face changes a bit.

FLETCHER
Let me have someone look around Fond Du Lac
to see your family and ask --

DANIEL
Do you really think I wouldn't know
my own brother."?
That I would be taken like that?
(beat)
are you envious?

FLETCHER
yes.

DANIEL
We've worked together for a long
time, Fletcher. But you're not my brother.
and that might make you envious.

FLETCHER
This is my business as well and
it's only that ...what's best for the work...
for the safety of all our work, there's
no harm in contacting Fond du Lac and your
family --

DANIEL
Don't talk anymore about it or
do that, to talk to the~.
He's my brother. That's it.

BEAT.

FLETCHER
What to do about Eli?

DANIEL
Nothing. Eli's a child.

FLETCHER
No he's not. I think we should pay
him something.
87

DANIEL
That woman should have taken
our offer to build a hospital.
Stupid.

Daniel has his things gathered, as he's leaving;

DANIEL
the pipeline solves all our trouble.

He's gone.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In a tense night scene inside Daniel's tent, Daniel packs his bag while discussing the irony of their situation with Fletcher, who has just returned from a trip. They express frustration over a rejected hospital offer and the idea of searching for Daniel's estranged brother, which Daniel dismisses, revealing his protective nature and Fletcher's envy. The conversation shifts to Eli, whom Fletcher believes deserves compensation, but Daniel insists he is just a child. The scene concludes with Daniel asserting that the pipeline will solve their troubles before leaving the tent.
Strengths
  • Deep character exploration
  • Sharp dialogue
  • Emotional depth
Weaknesses
  • Limited external action
  • Lack of resolution in the scene

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively delves into Daniel's complex emotions and inner conflicts, providing insight into his character and motivations. The dialogue is sharp and revealing, adding depth to the narrative.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring Daniel's regrets and frustrations adds depth to his character, highlighting his internal struggles and conflicts.

Plot: 8

The plot progresses as Daniel reflects on missed opportunities and confronts his emotions, setting the stage for future developments and conflicts.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the theme of power dynamics and business dealings by focusing on the protagonist's internal and external goals. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The scene focuses on Daniel's character development, showcasing his complexity, regrets, and defensive nature. Fletcher's role adds depth to their relationship.

Character Changes: 8

Daniel undergoes internal changes as he reflects on his past decisions and confronts his emotions, setting the stage for potential growth and development.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to assert his power and control over his business dealings and personal relationships. This reflects his deeper need for autonomy and dominance.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to maintain control over his business operations and resist outside interference. This reflects the immediate challenge of maintaining his authority and reputation.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict is more internal and emotional in this scene, focusing on Daniel's inner struggles and regrets rather than external confrontations.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting goals and motivations driving the characters' interactions. The uncertainty of the outcome adds to the tension.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are more internal and emotional in this scene, as Daniel grapples with his regrets and confronts his emotions, setting the stage for potential conflicts and resolutions.

Story Forward: 7

While the scene focuses more on character development and introspection, it sets the stage for future conflicts and developments, moving the narrative forward.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting power dynamics and unexpected revelations about the characters' motivations.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is between loyalty to family and loyalty to business interests. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs about the importance of family ties versus professional success.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene evokes a strong emotional response as Daniel grapples with his regrets and frustrations, adding depth to his character and engaging the audience.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is sharp and revealing, capturing Daniel's inner turmoil and conflicts effectively. It adds depth to the scene and enhances character development.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the intense dialogue and power dynamics between the characters. The conflict and tension keep the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining tension and momentum through concise dialogue and character interactions.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear character interactions and dialogue driving the narrative forward.


Critique
  • The scene captures Daniel's emotional turmoil and his complex relationship with Fletcher, but it lacks a strong dramatic arc. The dialogue feels somewhat disjointed and repetitive, particularly Daniel's fixation on the hospital and his dismissive attitude towards Eli. This could be streamlined to enhance clarity and impact.
  • Daniel's character is portrayed as increasingly paranoid and defensive, but the scene could benefit from more subtext. Instead of directly stating his feelings of envy and ownership, consider using more indirect dialogue or actions that reveal his insecurities and fears about family and business.
  • The pacing of the scene feels uneven. There are moments of silence that could be used more effectively to build tension or to allow the audience to absorb Daniel's emotional state. Consider adding more beats or physical actions that reflect Daniel's inner conflict as he packs his bag.
  • Fletcher's character comes across as somewhat passive and reactive. To create a more dynamic interaction, consider giving him a stronger point of view or a more assertive stance in the conversation. This could create a more engaging conflict between him and Daniel.
  • The setting of the tent is underutilized. It could serve as a metaphor for Daniel's fragile state of mind or his isolation. Incorporating more visual elements that reflect the chaos or instability of his situation could enhance the scene's emotional weight.
Suggestions
  • Streamline the dialogue to focus on key themes and emotions, reducing repetition and enhancing clarity. For example, consolidate Daniel's comments about the hospital into a single, impactful statement.
  • Introduce more subtext in the dialogue to reveal Daniel's insecurities without him explicitly stating them. This could involve using metaphors or indirect references to family and business.
  • Add more physical actions or reactions from Daniel as he packs his bag to reflect his emotional state. This could include moments of hesitation, frustration, or anger that visually convey his turmoil.
  • Give Fletcher a more active role in the conversation, allowing him to challenge Daniel's views more directly. This could create a more engaging conflict and highlight the power dynamics in their relationship.
  • Utilize the tent setting more effectively by incorporating visual elements that symbolize Daniel's mental state, such as the disarray of his belongings or the cramped space reflecting his emotional confinement.



Scene 47 -  The Pipeline Pursuit
99 EXT. BASECAMP. DAWN. (start music/building) 99

THREE HORSES are being SADDLED and OUTFITED with CAMPING
SUPPLIES, GEAR and HUNTING WEAPONS.-

ANGLE, CU. CRUDE OIL SAMPLES.
are loaded into jars that are wrapped for safety and loaded
into POUCHES on the horses.

DANIEL and HENRY get themselves up on the HORSES and

They head off for the hills ...

CUT TO:

100 EXT. BANDY'S LAND. MORNING. 100

DANIEL and HENRY ride up through a dry canyon - DRIVING
WOOD STAKES WITH RED MARKERS INTO THE GROUND AS THEY GO,
SIGNALING A ROUTE FOR THE PIPELINE.

They come out of a clearing - and come upon the BANDY HOUSE.
This is the place with the PIGS and SULPHUR that we came to
earlier...

101 ANGLE, AT THE BANDY HOUSE. 101
Daniel and Henry ride up, outside is a young boy:
WILLIAM (17 years old, Bandy's grandson)

DANIEL
Is your father Bandy?

WILLIAM
Grandfather.

DANIEL
Where is he?
88


WILLIAM
not here.

DANIEL
where is he?

WILLIAM
he's out. what do you want?

DANIEL
I'm Daniel Plainview... ! want to talk
to him about his property...

WILLIAM
about what?

DANIEL
... it's something I' 11 talk with him about.

WILLIAM
are you the oil man?

DANIEL
that's right.

WILLIAM
he's not interested in drilling.

DANIEL
I'm not either.-...when will he be back?

WILLIAM
few days.

DANIEL
you tell him I'd like to speak with hba.. not
for drilling... I '11 be back in a week.

They RIDE ON...HOLD, THEN...

...HENRY DRIVES A STAKE INTO THE GROUND WITH A RED RIBBON,
SIGNALING THE ROUTE FOR THE PIPELINE, STRAIGHT INTO BANDY'S LOT...

CUT TO:
89
Genres: ["Drama","Western"]

Summary At dawn, Daniel and Henry prepare their horses at a basecamp, loading supplies and crude oil samples before riding into a dry canyon to mark a pipeline route. They arrive at the Bandy House, where Daniel seeks to discuss property matters with Bandy, only to learn from his grandson William that Bandy is away and uninterested in drilling. Despite this setback, Daniel insists on returning in a week, while Henry drives a stake into the ground, marking the pipeline route directly into Bandy's lot, highlighting Daniel's determination.
Strengths
  • Intense conflict
  • Compelling dialogue
  • Strong character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development
  • Lack of resolution in the scene

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene is well-structured, intense, and moves the plot forward significantly. The conflict and emotional impact are high, making it a compelling moment in the screenplay.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of negotiating for drilling rights adds depth to the plot and character motivations. It introduces a crucial element of the oil business and sets the stage for future conflicts.

Plot: 9

The plot is significantly advanced through the negotiation scene, as it establishes key relationships and conflicts that will drive the story forward. The stakes are raised, and character dynamics are further developed.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the classic theme of resource exploitation and industrialization in a frontier setting. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and grounded in the historical context of the time period.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters of Daniel and Bandy are well-defined in this scene, with their motivations and personalities coming into sharp focus. The dialogue and interactions reveal important aspects of their characters.

Character Changes: 7

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the dynamics between Daniel and Bandy evolve, setting the stage for future developments.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to negotiate with Bandy about drilling on his property. This reflects his desire for success and wealth, as well as his determination to overcome obstacles and achieve his objectives.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to secure permission to drill on Bandy's property. This reflects the immediate challenge he faces in obtaining access to valuable resources and expanding his business.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between Daniel and Bandy is intense and drives the scene forward, creating a sense of urgency and drama. The power struggle adds depth to the interaction.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, as Bandy's refusal to allow drilling on his property creates a significant obstacle for the protagonist. The audience is left unsure of how the conflict will be resolved.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in the negotiation scene, as the outcome will impact Daniel's drilling plans and business prospects. The power struggle between the characters adds tension and urgency.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by establishing new conflicts, relationships, and goals for the characters. It sets the stage for future plot developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the uncertain outcome of the negotiation with Bandy and the potential consequences for the protagonist's business. The audience is left wondering how the conflict will be resolved.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the clash between individual property rights and industrial development. Bandy's reluctance to allow drilling on his land challenges the protagonist's belief in the pursuit of profit and progress at any cost.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene elicits strong emotions from the characters and the audience, particularly due to the high stakes and confrontational nature of the negotiation.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue in the scene is tense and impactful, effectively conveying the power struggle between Daniel and Bandy. It drives the negotiation forward and reveals key information about the characters.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its tense atmosphere, dynamic character interactions, and high stakes negotiation. The conflict between the characters keeps the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and suspense as the characters negotiate and confront each other. The rhythm of the dialogue and action keeps the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings, action lines, and dialogue formatting. The visual descriptions enhance the reader's understanding of the setting and characters.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness in building tension and drama.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes a sense of purpose and urgency as Daniel and Henry prepare for their journey, but it lacks emotional depth. The dialogue is functional but does not reveal much about the characters' internal states or their relationship dynamics. Adding more subtext or emotional stakes could enhance the scene's impact.
  • The interaction with William feels somewhat flat. While it serves the plot by conveying information about Bandy's absence, the dialogue lacks tension or conflict. This could be an opportunity to explore the power dynamics between Daniel and the younger William, perhaps by having William challenge Daniel's authority or express skepticism about his intentions.
  • The transition from the basecamp to the Bandy House is abrupt. A more gradual transition could help maintain the flow of the narrative. Consider adding a brief moment of reflection or conversation between Daniel and Henry as they ride, which could deepen their relationship and provide insight into their motivations.
  • The scene's visual elements are clear, but they could be more evocative. Describing the landscape in more detail or incorporating sensory details (sounds, smells, etc.) could create a richer atmosphere and immerse the audience in the setting.
  • The dialogue could benefit from more variation in tone and pacing. Currently, it feels somewhat monotonous, which may detract from the tension of the scene. Introducing pauses, interruptions, or emotional shifts could make the conversation feel more dynamic.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment of vulnerability or tension between Daniel and Henry as they prepare to leave, perhaps reflecting on their past or their goals for the future.
  • Enhance the dialogue with subtext that reveals more about Daniel's character and his motivations. For example, he could express frustration or determination regarding the pipeline project, hinting at his obsession with success.
  • Introduce a conflict or challenge in the interaction with William. Perhaps William could express doubt about Daniel's intentions or challenge him in some way, creating a more engaging dynamic.
  • Incorporate more descriptive language to paint a vivid picture of the setting and the characters' emotions. This could include details about the landscape, the sounds of the horses, or the tension in the air as they approach the Bandy House.
  • Revise the pacing of the dialogue to include more emotional beats, allowing characters to react to each other in a way that feels authentic and engaging.



Scene 48 -  A Successful Connection
102 EXT. LARGE FLAT FIELD. DAY. 102

DANIEL and HENRY drive another WOOD STAKE WITH RED FLAG
INTO THE GROUND.

CUT TO:

103 EXT. MOUNTAINS. DAY. 103

DANIEL and HENRY ride through THICK FORREST...m.oving through
a new landscape...THEY PLANT A WOOD STAKE...

CUT TO:

104 EXT. FERTILE FARM LAND. DAY. 104

DANIEL and HENRY through some fertile GROVES. They plant
another WOOD STAKE._

CUT TO:

105 EXT. RIDGE - DAYS LATER. 105

DANIEL and HENRY ride over a ridge, CAMERA RISES AND REVEALS:

The PACIFIC OCEAN-.they ride down towards it-HENRY PLANTS ANOTHER
STAKE INTO THE GROUND...

CUT TO:

106 INT. UNION OIL REFINERY. DAY. 106

DANIEL and HENRY walk through this refinery. Machines grind
away. The head of UNION OIL, old friend of Daniel's:
L.P. "PRESS" ST. CLAIR (50s) comes up to greet them:

L.P.
Daniel. you're a sight for sore eyes.

DANIEL
Press._

L.P.
congratulations.

DANIEL
-- this is my brother Henry Brands
from Wisconsin. Press St. Clair.
90



L.P.
good to meet you, come in,
you get cleaned up, get you a drink.
come over here - congratulations, Daniel.
you hit quite a strike.

DANIEL
Thank you.

L.P.
how's your boy?

DANIEL
He's fine.

They talk and walk...and enter an office and close the door.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary Daniel and Henry drive wood stakes into the ground at various locations, symbolizing their progress. They then visit the Union Oil refinery, where they meet L.P. 'Press' St. Clair, an old friend of Daniel's. Press congratulates Daniel on his successful strike and inquires about his son, creating a warm atmosphere of camaraderie and achievement. The scene concludes with Daniel and Henry entering Press's office.
Strengths
  • Effective introduction of new character
  • Symbolic use of wood stakes
  • Clear progression of plot
Weaknesses
  • Limited emotional depth in dialogue
  • Minimal character development

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively sets the stage for future developments by introducing a new character and showcasing Daniel and Henry's commitment to their goals. It provides valuable information about their progress in the oil business and hints at potential conflicts with the introduction of Press St. Clair.


Story Content

Concept: 8.5

The concept of marking territory with wood stakes is a compelling visual metaphor for the characters' ambitions and the competitive nature of the oil industry. It effectively conveys the themes of ownership and progress.

Plot: 8

The plot progresses as Daniel and Henry continue to expand their operations and encounter new opportunities and challenges. The introduction of Press St. Clair hints at future conflicts and developments in the story.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a blend of natural and industrial settings, juxtaposing the beauty of nature with the harshness of industry. The characters' interactions feel authentic and grounded in reality, adding depth to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters of Daniel, Henry, and Press St. Clair are well-developed in this scene, each with distinct motivations and personalities. Their interactions provide insight into their roles in the narrative.

Character Changes: 6

There is minimal character change in this scene, as the focus is more on introducing new elements and advancing the plot. However, the introduction of Press St. Clair hints at potential shifts in dynamics and motivations.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to maintain composure and professionalism while meeting with an old friend and discussing business matters. This reflects his need to appear successful and in control, despite any personal or emotional challenges he may be facing.

External Goal: 9

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to secure a business deal or partnership with Union Oil. This reflects the immediate challenge of expanding his business and securing financial stability.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

While there is a subtle undercurrent of conflict with the introduction of Press St. Clair, the scene primarily focuses on cooperation and progress. The conflict is more implied than overt.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create tension and uncertainty, with the potential business deal and the protagonist's internal conflicts adding layers of complexity.

High Stakes: 7

While the stakes are not explicitly high in this scene, the introduction of Press St. Clair suggests potential challenges and power struggles on the horizon. The characters' ambitions and investments add a layer of risk to their endeavors.

Story Forward: 9

The scene effectively moves the story forward by introducing new characters, setting up future conflicts, and showcasing the characters' progress in the oil business. It sets the stage for upcoming developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting locations, the introduction of new characters, and the potential business deal that could lead to unexpected outcomes.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

There is a philosophical conflict between the protagonist's desire for success and financial gain, and potentially compromising his personal values or ethics in the process. This challenges his beliefs about integrity and business ethics.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The emotional impact of the scene is moderate, as it primarily focuses on establishing the setting and introducing new elements. There is a sense of determination and ambition, but deeper emotional resonance is lacking.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue is informative and serves to establish relationships and advance the plot. While it effectively conveys necessary information, it could benefit from more depth and emotional resonance.

Engagement: 8

This scene is engaging because of the dynamic character interactions, the introduction of new locations, and the potential business deal that adds tension and intrigue.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and intrigue, with a balance of dialogue, action, and scene transitions that keep the story moving forward.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting adheres to the expected format for the genre, with clear scene headings, action lines, and dialogue formatting that enhance readability and visual storytelling.

Structure: 9

The scene follows a clear structure with distinct locations and character interactions, moving the narrative forward while maintaining a cohesive flow.


Critique
  • The scene effectively conveys the progression of Daniel and Henry's journey as they mark the pipeline route, showcasing their determination and the physical labor involved. However, the transitions between locations feel abrupt and could benefit from smoother visual or narrative connections to enhance the flow.
  • The dialogue is minimal, which can work in favor of the scene's pacing, but it also risks making it feel somewhat flat. Adding subtle exchanges or internal thoughts could deepen the characters' emotional states and provide insight into their motivations during this laborious task.
  • The visual descriptions are clear, but they lack a sense of urgency or emotional weight. The stakes of their work could be emphasized more, perhaps by incorporating elements that highlight the risks or challenges they face in this endeavor, such as the harshness of the environment or the pressure of their business dealings.
  • The introduction of L.P. 'Press' St. Clair feels somewhat rushed. While it's important to establish their relationship, a brief moment of reflection or context about their past could enhance the significance of this reunion and provide depth to Daniel's character development.
  • The scene ends abruptly after the introduction of Press, leaving the audience wanting more context about the conversation that will follow. A stronger closing line or visual could create a more satisfying transition to the next scene.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding brief moments of dialogue or internal monologue that reflect Daniel and Henry's thoughts on their journey, the significance of the pipeline, or their relationship as brothers. This could help to build emotional resonance.
  • Enhance the transitions between locations by incorporating visual motifs or thematic elements that connect the different landscapes, such as the changing weather or the sounds of nature, to create a more cohesive narrative flow.
  • Introduce a moment of tension or conflict during their journey, such as an obstacle they must overcome or a discussion about the risks involved in their business, to heighten the stakes and engage the audience more deeply.
  • Provide a bit more context about L.P. 'Press' St. Clair and his relationship with Daniel before their meeting. This could be done through a brief flashback or a line of dialogue that hints at their shared history.
  • Consider ending the scene with a more impactful line or visual that hints at the challenges ahead, perhaps by showing Daniel's determination or a moment of doubt, to create anticipation for the next scene.



Scene 49 -  Waves of Paranoia
107 INT. UNION OIL MEETING HALL/NEAR THE OCEAN- DAY. 107

DANIEL and HENRY are here with six MEN FROM UNION OIL, led by
"PRESS" st. CLAIR. They discuss pipelines, oil, etc. Maps and
drawings and crude samples in front of them; come to the scene
for celebratory feeling, a joke after business has finished:

L.P.
What's the relationship between your wife,
Standard Oil and a free whore?

GROUP
what is it?

L.P.
You can always beat your wife,
you can occasionally beat Standard Oil,
but you can never beat a free whore.

Everyone laughs.

CUT TO:
91



108 INT. PACIFIC OCEAN. DUSK. 108

SPLASH. CAMERA is IN THE WATER WITH DANIEL AND HENRY. They JUMP
IN AND FLOAT AROUND OUT AT SEA, LOOKING BACK AT THE SHORE LINE;

They're happy and celebratory;

DANIEL
There was that house in Fond Du Lac
that Maurice LaConte built - do you
remember?

HENRY
mmm.

DANIEL
I thought, when I was a boy, that
was the most beautiful house I'd
ever seen and I wanted it. I wanted
to live in it and eat in it and clean
it and even as a boy, I wanted to
have children...to run around it.

HENRY
You can have anything you like
now Daniel. and you should.
where are you gonna build it?

DANIEL
Here. maybe. near the ocean. up the coast
away from this smell

HENRY
Would you make it look like that house?

DANIEL
Which house?

HENRY
The house in Fond Du lac.

DANIEL
No. I'm sure if I saw that house
now it would make me sick. I need
something better.

BEAT.
92



HENRY
We can eat and get some women.

DANIEL
...... take them to the Peachtree dance.

BEAT.

HENRY
... ?

DANIEL
Get liquored up and go to the Peachtree dance?

HENRY
yes,yes.

HOLD. cu. DANIEL he looks at Henry from the corner of his eye.
Something has triggered in Daniel ... "the Peachtree" reference has
gotten past Henry...Henry dunks his head under water, DISSAPEARS
for a moment ...Daniel waits and watches for him...he finally
resurfaces ...

WIDE SHOT. They float around in the ocean. HOLD.

DANIEL
you ready?

HENRY
yeah.

They start to swim back. CAMERA is with DANIEL in cu. as they
swim back - as he breaths for air, he opens his eyes, watching
HENRY swim alongside him...then it goes black as he turns his head

to the water... then back up for air, turning his head to keep an
eye on Henry...who swims back alongside him.. SOUND DROPS
IN/OUT/IN/OUT/BREATHING/WATER/BREATHING/GASPING-.looking at
Henry ••

.-the paranoia has started in Daniel. THIS SETS IN MOTION THE
FOLLOWING PROTRACTED SEQUENCE COVERING DANIEL'S SUSPICION OF
HENRY-.SEQUENCE:

CUT TO:
93
Genres: ["Drama","Character Study"]

Summary In a meeting hall by the ocean, Daniel and Henry share a light-hearted moment with Union Oil executives, celebrating their success with laughter and a crude joke. As they jump into the ocean, Daniel reflects on his childhood dreams and expresses a desire for something greater, while discussing future plans with Henry. However, the mood shifts as Daniel's paranoia about Henry begins to surface, creating an underlying tension that foreshadows conflict.
Strengths
  • Exploration of character depth
  • Effective use of setting to convey mood
  • Subtle yet impactful dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Limited external conflict
  • Sparse dialogue

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively delves into Daniel's complex emotions and inner turmoil, setting the stage for future developments. The mix of reflective and paranoid tones adds depth to the character.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of using a serene moment in the ocean to explore Daniel's inner thoughts and fears is compelling and adds depth to his character.

Plot: 8

The plot progresses as Daniel's paranoia begins to take hold, hinting at future conflicts and developments.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh approach to exploring characters' desires and conflicts through subtle interactions and introspective moments. The dialogue feels authentic and reveals deeper layers of the characters' personalities.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The scene focuses heavily on Daniel's character development, showcasing his vulnerabilities and complexities.

Character Changes: 7

Daniel experiences a shift in his emotional state, moving from a celebratory mood to a paranoid one, showcasing a subtle character change.

Internal Goal: 8

Daniel's internal goal in this scene is to express his desire for a better life and a sense of dissatisfaction with his current circumstances. His reminiscing about a beautiful house he wanted as a child reflects his deeper need for fulfillment and a longing for something more.

External Goal: 7

Daniel's external goal in this scene is to swim back to shore with Henry. This goal reflects the immediate challenge of returning safely from their ocean outing.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

While there is an underlying sense of conflict in Daniel's paranoia, it is more internal and subtle in this scene.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is subtle but effective, with hints of conflict and tension between the characters that foreshadow future challenges.

High Stakes: 5

The stakes are more internal and emotional in this scene, focusing on Daniel's mental state rather than external conflicts.

Story Forward: 7

The scene sets up future developments by hinting at Daniel's growing paranoia and internal struggles.

Unpredictability: 7

The scene is unpredictable in its shifts from light-hearted banter to introspective moments, keeping the audience engaged and guessing about the characters' motivations.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

There is a philosophical conflict between Daniel's desire for something better and his realization that he needs to let go of past desires to move forward. This challenges his beliefs about what will bring him happiness and fulfillment.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from nostalgia to unease, creating a strong emotional impact on the audience.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue between Daniel and Henry is sparse but impactful, revealing their relationship dynamics and Daniel's inner thoughts.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its emotional depth, subtle character dynamics, and foreshadowing of future conflicts.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, leading to a climactic moment that sets up future conflicts.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene is formatted in a clear and concise manner, with effective use of dialogue and action lines to convey the characters' emotions and intentions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a natural progression from a light-hearted conversation to a more introspective moment, building tension and setting up future conflicts.


Critique
  • The scene effectively transitions from a business meeting to a more personal moment between Daniel and Henry, showcasing their camaraderie. However, the crude joke at the beginning, while intended to lighten the mood, may come off as jarring given the serious nature of the previous scene. It could detract from the emotional depth that follows.
  • Daniel's reminiscence about the house in Fond Du Lac is a poignant moment that reveals his aspirations and desires. However, the dialogue could benefit from more specificity or emotional weight to enhance the audience's connection to Daniel's character. The mention of wanting children feels somewhat abrupt and could be expanded to show his deeper feelings about family.
  • The dialogue between Daniel and Henry flows well, but there are moments where it feels a bit too casual, especially given the context of their recent tense interactions. This could undermine the tension that has been building in the narrative. The transition from light-hearted banter to paranoia could be more gradual to maintain a consistent tone.
  • The visual elements of the ocean setting are strong, but the scene could benefit from more descriptive language to evoke the sensory experience of being in the water. This would help to create a more immersive atmosphere for the audience.
  • The paranoia that begins to set in for Daniel is a crucial turning point, but the transition from celebration to suspicion could be more pronounced. The moment where Daniel watches Henry swim could be expanded to include more internal conflict or visual cues that indicate his growing distrust.
Suggestions
  • Consider revising the crude joke to something that fits the tone of the scene better, or remove it entirely to maintain the emotional weight of the moment.
  • Enhance Daniel's reminiscence about the house by adding more vivid details or emotional reflections that connect his past desires to his current state of mind.
  • Introduce subtle hints of tension in the dialogue leading up to the paranoia, allowing the audience to feel the shift in Daniel's perception of Henry more acutely.
  • Incorporate more sensory details about the ocean setting, such as the sound of waves, the feel of the water, or the warmth of the sun, to create a more immersive experience.
  • Expand the moment where Daniel observes Henry swimming to include more of his internal thoughts or feelings, emphasizing the shift from camaraderie to suspicion.



Scene 50 -  Dawn of Reckoning
109 EXT. SEA SHORE. DUSK. 109

CAMERA with DANIEL and HENRY, from behind, as they finish
swimming and arrive at the shore line-They rise up, naked,
out of the water and move to their clothes and their HORSES.
HOLD THIS MOMENT.

CUT TO:

110 INT. BAR. NIGHT. LATER. 110

CU. DANIEL as he watches HENRY. SLOW ZOOM IN.

DANIEL'S POV,
across the bar. HENRY is DRUNK and LOUD and talking with
a WHORE. DANIEL just watches.

CUT TO:

111 EXT. HILLS - DAWN. 111

HENRY and DANIEL head out on their HORSES away from the
OCEAN...Henry is clearly HUNG OVER. they are re-tracing their
trail along the WOOD STAKES IN THE GROUND WITH THE RED FLAGS.

DANIEL
how was that woman?

HENRY
good.

DANIEL
you get that from our Father.
sticking it in whatever you see.

HENRY


DANIEL
you sure you don't have any children
anywhere?

HENRY
I have two...... last time I saw them
I was in Louisiana.

DANIEL
with the same woman?

HENRY
yes.
Pink Revised 7/25/06 94
Genres: ["Drama","Western"]

Summary The scene opens with Daniel and Henry emerging from the ocean, showcasing their camaraderie before transitioning to a bar where Henry's reckless behavior is on display as he drunkenly interacts with a woman. The atmosphere shifts to the hills at dawn, where a hungover Henry and Daniel ride away on horseback, engaging in a conversation that reveals Henry's complicated past with relationships and children. Daniel teases Henry about his promiscuity, highlighting the tension between concern and humor in their friendship.
Strengths
  • Intimate character exploration
  • Authentic dialogue
  • Emotional depth
Weaknesses
  • Low conflict level
  • Limited plot progression

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene is well-crafted, with a strong focus on character development and emotional depth. The dialogue is engaging, and the setting adds to the reflective tone of the conversation.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring the personal lives and emotions of the characters through a reflective conversation is well-executed. The scene provides insight into Daniel and Henry's past experiences and relationships.

Plot: 7.5

While the scene does not significantly advance the main plot, it adds depth to the characters and their motivations. The conversation reveals important aspects of Daniel and Henry's personalities.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces familiar themes of family dynamics and personal history but presents them in a fresh and engaging way. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and add depth to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The scene focuses heavily on character development, allowing the audience to gain a deeper understanding of Daniel and Henry. Their interactions and dialogue showcase their personalities and complexities.

Character Changes: 7

Both Daniel and Henry experience some emotional growth and introspection during the scene, revealing new layers of their personalities and motivations.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to confront Henry about his behavior and possibly uncover more about his past. This reflects Daniel's need for honesty and connection with his brother, as well as his fear of the unknown.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to continue their journey away from the ocean and towards their destination. This reflects the immediate circumstances of their journey and the challenges they face along the way.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 4

The scene has a low level of conflict, focusing more on introspection and personal revelations. The tension comes from the emotional dynamics between Daniel and Henry.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting goals and unresolved conflicts that create tension and drive the narrative forward.

High Stakes: 3

The stakes in the scene are relatively low, focusing more on personal reflections and character dynamics rather than external conflicts or high-risk situations.

Story Forward: 6

While the scene does not significantly move the main plot forward, it adds depth to the characters and sets the stage for future developments in their relationships and actions.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected revelations about the characters' past and the unresolved conflicts that drive the narrative forward.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between Daniel's sense of responsibility and Henry's carefree attitude towards life. This challenges Daniel's beliefs about family and loyalty.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, delving into the characters' vulnerabilities, regrets, and personal struggles. The intimate conversation evokes empathy and connection with the audience.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is engaging and reveals important information about the characters. It is well-written and authentic, capturing the nuances of their relationship and emotions.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the dynamic between the characters, the unresolved conflicts, and the sense of mystery surrounding their past.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and suspense, with well-timed reveals and character interactions that keep the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is well-executed, with clear scene headings and concise descriptions that enhance the visual storytelling.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear transitions between locations and character interactions.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the aftermath of Daniel and Henry's camaraderie at the ocean, but it lacks emotional depth in the transition from the playful swimming to the tension in the bar. The juxtaposition of their earlier joy and the later discomfort could be more pronounced to enhance the emotional stakes.
  • The dialogue between Daniel and Henry feels somewhat flat and lacks subtext. While it touches on Henry's past relationships and children, it doesn't delve deeply into the implications of these revelations. This could be an opportunity to explore their brotherly bond and the underlying tension that Daniel feels towards Henry's lifestyle.
  • The visual elements, such as the transition from the ocean to the bar, could be used more effectively to symbolize the shift in their relationship. The stark contrast between the freedom of the ocean and the confinement of the bar could be emphasized to highlight Daniel's growing paranoia and suspicion.
  • The pacing of the scene feels uneven. The initial moment of camaraderie is quickly overshadowed by the bar scene, which could benefit from a more gradual build-up of tension. Allowing more time for the audience to absorb the joy of the ocean before diving into the discomfort of the bar would create a more impactful transition.
  • Henry's character could be further developed in this scene. His drunkenness and loudness serve as a surface-level portrayal, but exploring his internal struggles or regrets could add layers to his character and enhance the conflict with Daniel.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more descriptive visuals that contrast the freedom of the ocean with the oppressive atmosphere of the bar. This could include sensory details that evoke the feelings associated with each setting.
  • Enhance the dialogue by incorporating subtext that hints at Daniel's jealousy or paranoia. For example, Daniel could ask leading questions that reveal his insecurities about Henry's lifestyle without directly confronting him.
  • Introduce a moment of silence or reflection after the swimming scene before cutting to the bar. This pause could allow the audience to feel the weight of the transition and the shift in mood.
  • Explore Henry's character more deeply by including a moment of vulnerability or regret in his dialogue. This could create a more complex dynamic between the brothers and heighten the tension.
  • Consider using a visual motif, such as the wood stakes with red flags, to symbolize Daniel's control and ambition. This could be referenced in the dialogue or visuals as they ride away from the ocean, reinforcing the themes of ambition and familial conflict.



Scene 51 -  Fireside Uncertainty
112 EXT. FORREST - DUSK. 112 *
HENRY and DANIEL. dusk. campfire. horses off to the side. *
they sit, then: *
HENRY
what do you do next with your
Company, Daniel?

DANIEL
...what ... ?

HENRY
what's next?

DANIEL
what are you asking?

HENRY
can you sell stock in your company?

DANIEL
... something like that.

HENRY
If you'd like my help. I can help
with that. As things grow more
successful~I'm a good salesman and
broker for stock and what you might want ...

DANIEL
... good ...

HOLD.

CUT TO:


113 OMITTED. 113 *
Pink Revised 7/25/06 95
Genres: ["Drama","Western"]

Summary As dusk settles in a forest, Henry and Daniel sit by a campfire discussing the future of Daniel's company. Henry offers to help with selling stock as the business grows, but Daniel expresses uncertainty about his plans and hesitates to commit. The conversation reflects a contemplative and slightly tense atmosphere, highlighting Daniel's struggle with navigating the business world. The scene ends unresolved, transitioning to the next moment.
Strengths
  • Rich character development
  • Nuanced dialogue
  • Effective pacing
Weaknesses
  • Lack of significant conflict
  • Limited emotional impact

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene is well-crafted, with a strong focus on character development and dialogue. It effectively sets the tone for the evolving partnership between Daniel and Henry, providing insight into their motivations and aspirations.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene revolves around the partnership between Daniel and Henry, exploring their ambitions and potential collaboration in the business. It sets the stage for future developments and conflicts.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene focuses on the characters' discussion about the future of their company, laying the groundwork for upcoming events and character arcs. It moves the story forward while building tension and intrigue.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the classic mentor-mentee dynamic, adding a layer of intrigue and potential betrayal to the relationship. The characters' dialogue feels authentic and nuanced, contributing to the scene's originality.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The scene delves deep into the characters of Daniel and Henry, revealing their motivations, insecurities, and aspirations. Their dynamic and evolving relationship is central to the scene's impact.

Character Changes: 7

Both Daniel and Henry undergo subtle changes in their perspectives and attitudes towards each other and their business partnership. The scene marks a shift in their dynamic and sets the stage for further development.

Internal Goal: 8

Henry's internal goal is to establish himself as a valuable asset to Daniel and potentially gain power or influence in their business dealings. This reflects his desire for recognition and success.

External Goal: 7

Henry's external goal is to offer his services to help Daniel with his company's financial matters, potentially gaining a position of authority or control in the process.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 5

The scene lacks significant conflict, focusing more on introspection and collaboration between the characters. The tension arises more from internal struggles and uncertainties rather than external conflicts.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting motivations and hidden agendas creating uncertainty for the characters.

High Stakes: 6

While the scene sets up important decisions and developments for the characters, the stakes are not exceptionally high at this point. The focus is more on character dynamics and future possibilities.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by establishing key plot points and character dynamics. It sets the stage for future conflicts and developments, driving the narrative towards its next phase.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it's unclear whether Henry's offer to help Daniel is genuine or a manipulation.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between trust and manipulation. Henry's offer to help Daniel could be seen as genuine assistance or a ploy to gain power over him, challenging Daniel's beliefs about loyalty and business ethics.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a sense of reflection and introspection, drawing out the emotional depth of the characters as they discuss their future plans. While not highly emotional, it sets the stage for deeper connections and conflicts.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene is rich and meaningful, providing insight into the characters' thoughts and feelings. It drives the narrative forward while establishing the tone and themes of the story.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the tension between the characters and the sense of mystery surrounding their motives.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective, building tension gradually and keeping the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene is well-formatted and easy to follow, with clear scene headings and character actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a traditional format for a dialogue-driven scene, with clear character motivations and conflict driving the action.


Critique
  • The dialogue in this scene feels somewhat stilted and lacks emotional depth. While Henry's inquiry about the future of the company is relevant, Daniel's responses are vague and do not convey much about his character or his ambitions. This could be an opportunity to explore Daniel's motivations and fears regarding his business.
  • The scene lacks a clear conflict or tension, which is essential for maintaining audience engagement. While there is a hint of camaraderie between Daniel and Henry, the stakes of their conversation are not high enough to create a compelling moment. Adding an element of disagreement or a differing vision for the future could enhance the drama.
  • The setting of a campfire at dusk is visually appealing, but the scene does not fully utilize this atmosphere. The campfire could symbolize warmth and connection, yet the dialogue feels disconnected. More descriptive language or actions could help to create a stronger sense of place and mood.
  • Henry's offer to help with selling stock is introduced but not explored in depth. This could be a pivotal moment for both characters, and expanding on Henry's motivations for wanting to help could add layers to their relationship. Is he genuinely interested in Daniel's success, or does he have ulterior motives?
  • The scene ends abruptly with a cut to the next scene, which can leave the audience feeling unsatisfied. A more gradual transition or a closing line that encapsulates the moment could provide a stronger conclusion and maintain narrative flow.
Suggestions
  • Consider deepening the dialogue to reveal more about Daniel's character and his vision for the company. Allow him to express his ambitions, fears, or doubts about the future, which would create a more engaging conversation.
  • Introduce a conflict or disagreement between Daniel and Henry regarding the direction of the company. This could create tension and make the scene more dynamic, as both characters would have to navigate their differing perspectives.
  • Enhance the visual elements of the scene by incorporating more sensory details about the campfire setting. Describe the flickering flames, the sounds of the forest, or the warmth of the fire to create a more immersive experience for the audience.
  • Expand on Henry's motivations for wanting to help Daniel with the stock sales. This could involve a backstory or a personal stake in the success of the company, which would add complexity to their relationship.
  • Consider adding a more impactful closing line or moment that encapsulates the essence of their conversation, providing a smoother transition to the next scene and leaving the audience with a lingering thought or emotion.



Scene 52 -  Descent into Darkness
114 EXT. SAME - NIGHT. 114 *
HENRY is asleep. DANIEL is sitting over him, with a *
REVOLVER out by his side, HENRY feels him near and wakes up: *
DANIEL
I want to know something, Henry~


HENRY
what?

DANIEL
What was the name of the farm
next to the Hill house?

BEAT.

DANIEL
What was the name of the farm next
to the Hill house?

BEAT.

HENRY
I don't remember, Daniel.

BEAT.

HENRY
I remember the Hills. I remember
their daughter Jenny.
I remember Hill and his wife ...

DANIEL
What was her name?

HENRY
who?

DANIEL
His wife ...
*
HENRY
I can't remember right now...
Pink Revised 7/25/06 96


DANIEL
who are you?

HENRY
I' 11 leave, Daniel... just let me get up
and go ...

BEAT. *
DANIEL
Do I have a brother? *
HENRY
I met a man in King City who said *
he was your brother, we were friends *
for months, working in King City *
and he wanted to make his way to *
you Daniel, we didn't have any money. *
He died of tuberculosis. he wasn't harmed, *
he wasn't killed, nothing bad but he told *
me about you and I just took his *
story - and used his diary - *
Daniel, I'm your friend ... I 'm not *
trying to hurt you, just survive *
DANIEL puts the GUN TO HENRY'S HEAD AND FIRES. HENRY *
SLUMPS OVER. HOLD ON DANIEL.

WIDE SHOT. STAY WITH THIS SCENE AND WATCH AS DANIEL DIGS *
A SHALLOW GRAVE. *
OVER TIME. DAWN COMES. HE PUTS THE BODY IN THE GRAVE, *
HE GETS RID OF HENRY'S HORSE. HE BEGINS TO DRINNK *
DURING THIS PROCESS. *
HE OPENS UP THE JOURNAL OF HENRY'S AND SCANS, READS - *
HE DRINKS BOOZE THE ENTIRE TIME. *
CU. IDENTIFICATION. He studies it. The name of Henry *
Plainview, etc. Height, Weight, etc. *
THERE IS A SMALL NOTEBOOK. DANIEL opens it, looks inside, *
seeing key words; *
11
••• Fond Du Lac ... " 11
••• Henry Plainview... " 11
•• .my brother Daniel... " *
Pink Revised 7/25/06 97-103



This is a journal by the real HENRY PLAINVIEW. DANIEL KEEPS *
DRINKING. AND DRINKING AND DRINKING. *
HE PASSES OUT. *

CUT TO:

115 OMITTED *
116 OMITTED *
117 OMITTED *
118 OMITTED *
119 OMITTED *
120 OMITTED *
Pink Revised 7/25/06 103A
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In a tense nighttime confrontation, Daniel confronts Henry with a revolver, demanding information about his family. Despite Henry's attempts to reason with him, revealing a connection to Daniel's deceased brother, the situation escalates tragically when Daniel shoots Henry in the head. After burying Henry and disposing of his horse, Daniel succumbs to guilt and despair, drinking heavily while rifling through Henry's journal, which holds key details about his past.
Strengths
  • Intense emotional impact
  • Complex character dynamics
  • Revealing crucial information
Weaknesses
  • Violent act may be too shocking for some audiences

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene is intense, emotional, and dark, with a shocking revelation and violent act that adds depth to the characters and drives the plot forward.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene, focusing on the revelation of Henry's true identity and the consequences of that revelation, is compelling and adds depth to the story.

Plot: 8.5

The plot of the scene is crucial, as it reveals a major turning point in the relationship between Daniel and Henry and sets the stage for future conflicts and developments.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the theme of loyalty and betrayal, with unexpected twists and turns in the characters' interactions. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The scene delves deep into the characters of Daniel and Henry, revealing their inner conflicts, motivations, and the complexities of their relationship.

Character Changes: 9

The scene brings about significant changes in both Daniel and Henry, altering their relationship and setting them on new paths.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to survive and maintain his friendship with Daniel, despite the dangerous situation he finds himself in. This reflects his deeper need for connection and safety.

External Goal: 7.5

The protagonist's external goal is to convince Daniel of his loyalty and friendship, in order to avoid being harmed or killed.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is high, with tensions escalating between Daniel and Henry, leading to a shocking and violent confrontation.

Opposition: 8.5

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting goals and motivations between the characters, creating a sense of uncertainty and danger.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in the scene, with the revelation of Henry's true identity leading to a violent act that changes the course of the story.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward significantly, revealing key information and setting up future conflicts and developments.

Unpredictability: 9

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected actions and decisions of the characters, keeping the audience on edge and unsure of the outcome.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between trust and betrayal. Henry is trying to maintain his friendship and trust with Daniel, while Daniel is questioning his loyalty and intentions.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, with intense performances and a tragic revelation that leaves a lasting impression on the audience.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue in the scene is intense and impactful, revealing key information about the characters and driving the emotional core of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense emotional conflict, suspenseful atmosphere, and unexpected plot developments.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, with a gradual escalation of conflict leading to a dramatic climax.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, leading to a dramatic climax with a shocking twist.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension through Daniel's menacing behavior and the ominous atmosphere of the night. However, the dialogue feels somewhat repetitive, particularly with Daniel asking about the name of the farm next to the Hill house. This repetition could be streamlined to maintain suspense without losing the audience's engagement.
  • Henry's character is portrayed as vulnerable and desperate, which contrasts sharply with Daniel's cold and calculating demeanor. This dynamic is compelling, but the scene could benefit from more emotional depth in Henry's responses. His fear and desperation could be more vividly expressed to heighten the stakes of the confrontation.
  • The transition from dialogue to action is abrupt when Daniel shoots Henry. While this moment is shocking, it may feel rushed to the audience. Building up to this climax with more tension or hesitation from Daniel could enhance the impact of the moment.
  • The visual elements of the scene are strong, particularly the imagery of Daniel digging a grave at dawn. However, the pacing could be improved. The shift from the intense confrontation to the more mundane task of digging could be more gradual, allowing the audience to absorb the gravity of the situation.
  • The use of Henry's journal as a plot device is intriguing, but it could be better integrated into the scene. Instead of simply scanning it after the murder, Daniel could find specific entries that resonate with him, adding layers to his character and motivations.
Suggestions
  • Consider revising the dialogue to reduce repetition and make it more impactful. For example, instead of asking the same question multiple times, Daniel could express his frustration in different ways, which would also reflect his deteriorating mental state.
  • Enhance Henry's emotional responses to create a stronger connection with the audience. This could involve adding more internal conflict or fear in his dialogue, making his eventual death feel more tragic.
  • Introduce a moment of hesitation or internal conflict for Daniel before he pulls the trigger. This could add complexity to his character and make the act of violence more significant.
  • Slow down the pacing after the shooting to allow the audience to process the gravity of the moment. Consider adding a brief moment of silence or reflection before Daniel begins digging the grave.
  • Integrate Henry's journal more meaningfully into the scene. Perhaps Daniel could read a specific entry that resonates with him, prompting a flashback or a moment of reflection that adds depth to his character.



Scene 53 -  A Clash of Ambitions and Faith
120A INT. SAME. DAWN. 120A *
DANIEL comes to ... CAMERA DOLLIES BACK A BIT TO REVEAL: *
A FIGURE sitting over him; *
DANIEL looks. we see this FIGURE, an OLDER MAN~.. *
BANDY *
I'm Bandy. *
you feel alright? *
DANIEL *
I'd like to lease your land. *
I tried to lease your land before *
but you wouldn' t ... I 'm Daniel Plainview *
and I'ma prospector. I'd like to lease *
your land. *
BANDY *
I'd asked you to come and talk to me when *
you were leasing land... *
DANIEL *
My boy's been sick_ *
BANDY *
This was before you boy got sick. *
BEAT. *
BANDY
I know that you'd like to build a pipeline *
through my property. Is this right? *
What I've heard? *
DANIEL *
It's only eight inch pipe, it can be *
buried - without disruption *
BANDY *
God has told me what you must do... *
DANIEL *
what is it? *
Pink Revised 7/25/06 103B



BANDY *
you should be washed in the blood of *
Jesus Christ. *
DANIEL *
But I am. I have been. *
BEAT. *
DANIEL *
I have been. *
BANDY *
You should be washed in the blood of *
Jesus Christ. It's your only way to *
salvation and your only way for what you *
want. You can take it at the Church *
of the Third Revelation. *
BEAT. *
DANIEL *
I'll pay you three thousand dollars. *
What's Eli paying you? *
I'll pay you five thousand dollars. *
there can be ways around this -- *
BANDY *
I've followed Eli since he was a boy. *
He came and preached by my side when my *
wife and daughter were burned in *
Bakersfield. *
DANIEL *
what is it that I do? *
Pink Revised 7/25/06 103C



BANDY *
I want you to be part of our Church. *
DANIEL *
but what do you want me to do? *
BANDY *
listen to Eli's word and be baptised. *
be forgiven for this sin that you've *
~~. *
DANIEL *
my sin of ...what? drilling? *

BANDY *
speak to God. you can speak to God. *
BANDY's GRANDSON has been lingering in the background... BANDY *
hands DANIEL'S WEAPON'S OVER TO HIM. *
BANDY *
may I help you back? *
we will ride back with you_ *


POSS SHOT OF THEM ALL RIDING. TRACKING?


POSS SHOT OF THEM PASSING BANDY RANCH?

CUT TO:
104
Genres: ["Drama","Western"]

Summary In a tense dawn encounter, Daniel Plainview wakes to find Bandy, an older man focused on spiritual matters, urging him to seek redemption through baptism instead of negotiating a land lease for a pipeline. Despite Daniel's desperation for a business deal, Bandy prioritizes faith, creating a conflict between their differing motivations. The scene ends with Bandy offering to help Daniel, hinting at a complex relationship that may bridge their opposing goals.
Strengths
  • Intense dialogue
  • Spiritual themes
  • Character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Potential for heavy-handed religious symbolism

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene is well-crafted with a strong focus on intense dialogue and spiritual themes. The confrontation between Daniel and Bandy adds depth to Daniel's character and sets up potential conflicts and resolutions.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of salvation, sin, and redemption is central to the scene, providing a deeper insight into Daniel's character and motivations. The introduction of spiritual elements adds complexity to the narrative.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene revolves around Daniel's interaction with Bandy and the offer of salvation, adding layers to the overall story. It sets up potential conflicts and resolutions for future developments.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh take on the clash between religion and business interests, with authentic character actions and dialogue.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters of Daniel and Bandy are well-developed in this scene, showcasing their contrasting beliefs and values. Their interactions reveal new facets of their personalities and motivations.

Character Changes: 8

The scene marks a significant moment of change for Daniel as he is confronted with questions of salvation and redemption. This interaction with Bandy challenges his beliefs and sets the stage for potential character growth.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to secure the land lease and navigate the religious beliefs of the landowner. This reflects his desire for success and his willingness to adapt to different situations.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to lease the land for his pipeline project. This reflects the immediate challenge he faces in securing the necessary property for his business.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between Daniel and Bandy, rooted in their differing beliefs and values, creates a tense and dramatic atmosphere. The clash of ideologies drives the scene forward and heightens the emotional stakes.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting beliefs and motivations creating a challenging situation for the protagonist.

High Stakes: 8

The high stakes in the scene revolve around Daniel's moral and spiritual dilemma, as well as the potential consequences of his choices. The outcome of his interaction with Bandy could have far-reaching implications for his character.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by introducing new conflicts, themes, and character dynamics. It sets up future developments and adds depth to the narrative arc.

Unpredictability: 7

The scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected turn of events and the characters' conflicting motivations.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict revolves around the protagonist's secular beliefs conflicting with the landowner's religious beliefs. This challenges the protagonist's worldview and values.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene evokes a strong emotional response through its intense dialogue, spiritual themes, and character dynamics. The confrontation between Daniel and Bandy resonates with the audience and deepens the emotional connection to the story.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue in the scene is intense, confrontational, and rich in thematic depth. It drives the emotional impact of the confrontation and reveals key aspects of the characters' inner struggles.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to the intense dialogue and conflicting beliefs, keeping the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene builds tension effectively, leading to a climactic confrontation between the characters.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows standard formatting conventions for its genre, making it easy to follow and understand.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a traditional format for character interactions and conflict development, fitting the genre expectations.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes a confrontation between Daniel and Bandy, highlighting the tension between Daniel's business ambitions and Bandy's spiritual beliefs. However, the dialogue can feel repetitive, particularly in Bandy's insistence on Daniel needing to be washed in the blood of Jesus Christ. This could be streamlined to maintain the audience's engagement.
  • Bandy's character is intriguing, but his motivations could be more clearly defined. While he expresses a strong connection to Eli and the church, the scene lacks depth in exploring why he is so adamant about Daniel's spiritual redemption. Adding a line or two that reveals more about Bandy's past or his relationship with Eli could enhance his character and the stakes of the negotiation.
  • Daniel's desperation is palpable, but his responses to Bandy's spiritual insistence come off as somewhat dismissive. This could be an opportunity to show more of Daniel's internal conflict regarding faith and morality, especially given his violent past. A moment of vulnerability or doubt could add layers to his character.
  • The pacing of the scene feels uneven. The beats between dialogue could be tightened to create a more dynamic exchange. For instance, after Bandy's insistence on baptism, a brief pause could allow Daniel's frustration to simmer before he responds with a counter-offer, heightening the tension.
  • The visual elements, such as the setting and the physicality of the characters, could be more vividly described. For example, the contrast between the serene dawn and the intense negotiation could be emphasized to reflect the underlying conflict. Additionally, the presence of Bandy's grandson is mentioned but not utilized; giving him a line or reaction could add another layer to the scene.
Suggestions
  • Streamline Bandy's dialogue to avoid repetition and maintain engagement. Consider condensing his insistence on spiritual redemption into fewer, more impactful lines.
  • Enhance Bandy's character by adding a line that reveals his personal stakes or history with Eli, which would provide context for his insistence on Daniel's spiritual journey.
  • Incorporate a moment of vulnerability for Daniel to reflect his internal conflict about faith and morality, which would deepen his character and the stakes of the negotiation.
  • Tighten the pacing by adjusting the beats between lines, allowing for moments of tension to build before responses, particularly after Bandy's insistence on baptism.
  • Expand on the visual descriptions of the setting and the characters' physicality to create a more immersive atmosphere, and consider giving Bandy's grandson a line or reaction to enhance the scene's depth.



Scene 54 -  Redemption in the Church of the Third Revelation
121 INT. CHURCH OF THE THIRD REVELATION. DAY LATER. 121

DANIEL enters, cleaned up, days later.-ELI has got a desk now and
a few Church Supporters are here with him. He notices Daniel
and stands, a little flinchy and nervous;

They STARE at each other...

ELI
don't you dare hit me.

DANIEL
I'm looking for a fresh start, Eli •
... I need your blessing...

CUT TO:

122 INT. CHURCH OF THE THIRD REVELATION. DAY. 122

CAMERA starts on DANIEL. The CHURCH IS NOW PACKED WITH WORKERS,
SUNDAY FAMILY, FOLLOWERS, FARMERS, ETC. BANDY sits next to
Daniel...

The BACK WALL of the church has been broken through and gives
way to a large CANVAS TENT with dirt and floor board as the
expansion that Eli has done. Eli goes full steam;

ELI
I truly wish that everyone could
be saved - but it's just not the case.
The doctrine of universal salvation is a lie.
I wish everyone would be saved,
but they won't! No They Won't!
You will never be saved if what -- ?

CHURCH
IF YOU REJECT THE BLOOD!

ELI
NOW IS THERE A SINNER HERE LOOKING
FOR SALVATION? A NEW MEMBER?
I'll ask it again: Is there a sinner
looking for God?

Daniel stands up... he approaches Eli on the stage._

ELI
Thank you for coming, Brother Daniel.
105




DANIEL
Thank you, Eli.

ELI
WE HAVE A SINNER WITH US HERE
WHO WISHES FOR SALVATION. DANIEL.
ARE YOU A SINNER?

DANIEL
yes.

ELI
THE LORD CAN'T HEAR YOU, SAY IT TO HIM,
LOUDER, Go ahead and speak to him, it's
alright ••

DANIEL
YES.

ELI
DOWN ON YOUR KNEES AND UP TO HIM.

DANIEL gets down on his KNEES ...

ELI
look up to the sky_.

and say it...

DANIEL
I don't know what to say_

ELI
Daniel: You've come here
and you've brought good and wealth
but you have also brought your
bad habits as a backslider._

you've lusted after women
and you have abandoned your child.
Your child that you raised, you
have abandoned all because he was
sick and you have sinned - so say
it now, "I am a sinner." Say it,
say, "I AM A SINNER."

CU. DANIEL.
The crowd grows restless and begins to encourage Daniel
to say this ... Daniel is steaming...
106



ELI
SAY IT: I AM A SINNER.

DANIEL
I am a Sinner.

ELI
I AM SORRY LORD.

DANIEL
I'm sorry Lord.

ELI
I WANT THE BLOOD.

DANIEL
I want the blood.

ELI
I HAVE ABANDONED MY CHILD.

DANIEL
I have abandoned my child.

ELI
I WILL NEVER BACKSLIDE.

DANIEL
I will never backslide.

ELI
I WAS LOST BUT NOW I'M FOUND.

DANIEL
I was lost but now I'm found.

ELI
I ABANDONED MY CHILD.

DANIEL looks hard at Eli...HOLD. Daniel is somewhere between
faking it/taking it/and exploding up at Eli...

ELI
SPEAK TO HIM AND SAY IT SINNER.

DANIEL
I ABANDONED MY CHILD.

ELI
SPEAK TO HIM, SAY IT LOUDER.
107




DANIEL
I ABANDONED MY CHILD.

I ABANDONED MY CHILD.

I ABANDONED MY BOY.

ELI
BEG FOR THE BLOOD.

DANIEL
GIVE ME THE BLOOD ELI, LET
ME GET AWAY FROM THIS. JUST
GIVE ME THE BLOOD LORD AND
LET ME GET AWAY.

ELI plays up the CROWD. Daniel on his knees.

ELI
DO YOU ACCEPT JESUS CHRIST AS YOUR
LORD AND SAVIOR?

DANIEL
YES.

ELI
GET OUT OF HERE DEVIL.

ELI SLAPS DANIEL ACROSS THE FACE ...

ELI
OUT DEVIL! OUT SIN!

ELI SLAPS HIM AGAIN HARD.

ELI
DO YOU ACCEPT THE CHURCH OF THE
THIRD REVELATION AS YOUR SPIRITUAL
GUIDE?

DANIEL
YES.

ELI SLAPS DANIEL ACROSS THE FACE AGAIN...

ELI
GET OUTTA OF HERE GHOST! GET OUTTA
OF HERE AND GO BACK WHERE YOU BELONG!
108


ELI SLAPS DANIEL AGAIN, THEN PUSHES HIS PALM SMACK INTO DANIEL'S
FORHEAD, PUSHING HIM BACK --

ELI
DO YOU ACCEPT JESUS CHRIST AS YOUR SAVIOR?

DANIEL
YES I DO •

... a FOLLOWER BRINGS a BOWL OF HOLY WATER and hands it to ELI 1 who
takes DANIEL by the HAIR and PULLS HIS HEAD BACK, HE LETS THE
WATER POUR OVER HIM...

Daniel stands up...HOLD. He takes his seat...People welcome him,
hold him, touch him, congratulate him, etc.

BANDY comes over and touches Daniel's shoulder...young CHILDREN
come over and touch his hands ...WOMEN comfort him and welcome him...

There is warmth from everyone here ••• that Daniel begins to
feel ••. they TOUCH THE BACK OF HIS HEAD AND HIS SHOULDERS AND
GIVE HIM LOVE.

Eli notices this_

ELI
... that's enough now...that' s enough...he must
take the Holy Spirit in on his own now-.

HOLD ON ALL THIS, THEN:

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In a packed Church of the Third Revelation, Daniel seeks redemption and Eli's blessing. During a fervent sermon on sin and salvation, Daniel stands to confess his sins, guided by Eli. The dramatic moment culminates in Eli slapping Daniel and pouring holy water over him, marking his acceptance into the church. The congregation warmly embraces Daniel, offering support as Eli emphasizes that he must now embrace the Holy Spirit independently.
Strengths
  • Intense emotional and spiritual themes
  • Powerful dialogue and confrontations
  • Strong character dynamics and development
Weaknesses
  • Potential for the scene to be overwhelming for some viewers due to its intense and emotional content

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene is incredibly powerful and impactful, delving into deep emotional and spiritual themes with intense dialogue and confrontational moments. The tension between Daniel and Eli is palpable, and the emotional weight of the scene is carried through expertly.


Story Content

Concept: 9.5

The concept of sin, redemption, and personal confession is central to the scene, driving the emotional and spiritual journey of the characters. The exploration of these themes is profound and thought-provoking, adding depth to the character dynamics and plot progression.

Plot: 9

The plot of the scene revolves around the confrontation between Daniel and Eli, highlighting the themes of sin and redemption. The progression of the scene leads to a moment of personal confession and acceptance, driving the emotional and character development forward.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the theme of redemption and salvation, with unique character dynamics and intense emotional conflicts. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds depth to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 9.2

The characters of Daniel and Eli are central to the scene, with their intense interactions and emotional depth driving the narrative forward. The complexity of their relationship and the personal struggles they face add layers to the scene and create a compelling dynamic.

Character Changes: 9

Both Daniel and Eli undergo significant emotional and spiritual changes in the scene, with Daniel confronting his past sins and seeking redemption, while Eli grapples with his beliefs and the power dynamics between them. The character arcs are compelling and transformative, adding depth to the narrative.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to seek redemption and a fresh start by confessing his sins and accepting salvation. This reflects his deeper need for forgiveness, his fear of judgment, and his desire to make amends for past mistakes.

External Goal: 7.5

The protagonist's external goal is to gain acceptance and approval from the church community by publicly confessing his sins and accepting the church's teachings. This reflects the immediate challenge of facing his past and seeking redemption in a public setting.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is intense and emotional, driven by the personal struggles and confrontations between Daniel and Eli. The power struggle and emotional tension between the characters create a high-stakes and impactful dynamic that propels the scene forward.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting beliefs, emotional confrontations, and intense power dynamics between the characters. The audience is kept on edge by the uncertainty of the protagonist's choices and the outcome of the scene.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes in the scene are high, with Daniel and Eli facing personal and spiritual reckonings that have profound implications for their characters and the narrative. The intense confrontations and emotional revelations raise the stakes and create a sense of urgency and importance.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by delving into the personal struggles and conflicts between Daniel and Eli, driving the emotional and spiritual journey of the characters. The revelations and confrontations in the scene propel the narrative forward and set the stage for future developments.

Unpredictability: 8.5

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in the characters' actions and dialogue, keeping the audience on edge and unsure of the outcome.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict revolves around the concept of salvation and the idea of universal redemption. Eli's belief in the doctrine of salvation for the chosen few clashes with Daniel's desire for universal forgiveness and acceptance.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9.5

The scene has a high emotional impact, delving deep into themes of sin, redemption, and personal confession with intense and emotional performances. The raw and vulnerable moments between the characters evoke strong emotions and create a powerful connection with the audience.

Dialogue: 9.5

The dialogue in the scene is powerful and impactful, driving the emotional and spiritual themes forward with intensity and depth. The confrontational nature of the dialogue between Daniel and Eli adds tension and drama to the scene, creating a memorable exchange.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense emotional conflicts, dramatic tension, and high stakes. The audience is drawn into the characters' struggles and motivations.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension, escalating conflicts, and maintaining a sense of urgency and emotional intensity.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions, character actions, and dialogue. The formatting enhances the readability and impact of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the effectiveness of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the tension between Daniel and Eli, showcasing their complex relationship. However, the dialogue can feel repetitive, particularly in the call-and-response format. While this emphasizes the ritualistic nature of the church, it may benefit from more variation to maintain engagement.
  • Daniel's internal struggle is palpable, but the scene could delve deeper into his emotional state. The contrast between his desire for redemption and his underlying resentment towards Eli could be more pronounced, adding layers to his character.
  • The pacing of the scene feels uneven at times. The buildup to Daniel's confession is compelling, but the repetitive nature of the dialogue can slow the momentum. A more dynamic exchange could enhance the urgency of the moment.
  • The visual elements, such as the packed church and the physicality of Eli's actions, are strong. However, the scene could benefit from more descriptive imagery to enhance the atmosphere. For instance, detailing the reactions of the congregation could add depth to the emotional stakes.
  • Eli's character comes across as both manipulative and charismatic, but his motivations could be clearer. Exploring his own insecurities or desires for power could add complexity to his role as a preacher, making the conflict with Daniel more engaging.
Suggestions
  • Consider varying the dialogue structure to avoid repetition. Introduce more unique phrases or emotional responses from Daniel to keep the audience engaged.
  • Incorporate more internal monologue or visual cues that reflect Daniel's emotional turmoil. This could help the audience connect with his struggle for redemption on a deeper level.
  • Adjust the pacing by interspersing moments of silence or reflection between the dialogue. This could heighten the tension and allow the audience to absorb the weight of Daniel's confessions.
  • Enhance the visual storytelling by including more details about the congregation's reactions. This could create a richer atmosphere and emphasize the communal aspect of the church experience.
  • Explore Eli's character further by adding subtle hints of his own vulnerabilities or ambitions. This could create a more nuanced dynamic between him and Daniel, enriching the conflict.



Scene 55 -  A Choice at Dawn
123 EXT. RESERVOIR FULL OF OIL - DAWN. 123

IMAGE. There's a boy in a row boat on the lake of oil that fills
the reservoir. SUN RISES. Everything is calm and quiet, distant
noise of the derricks.

CUT TO:
108A
Blue Revi•ed 5/11/0'


12 3A INT. SCHOOL FOR TBB DEAF IN S. F. - DAY 123A*
BW is sitting, waiting in the foyer of this school. *
PLBTCBBR ia here, and he ia off ~o the aida a bit, speaking *
with a young man GBORGB REYNOLDS. Be ia a teacher at the *
school. *
PLBTCBBR has a quiet word with himJ *'

!'LBTCIIBR *
Mr. Plainview would pay you two thou•and *
dollar• a year-in cash. all your accommodations *
will be of premier class-you have to be *
prepared to travel wherever Mr. Plainview and *
his aon may travel, do you have family here *
in San Francisco? *
GEORGE REYNOLDS shakes his head, •no.• looks at Fletcher, *
then: *
CUT TO:

123B IN'l'. TRAIN. - MOVING. 123B*

PLBTCBBR, GEORGE and BW riding on the train. *
-GEORGE teaches BW sign language_ *

CUT TO:
109

Blue Revised 5/18/06
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary The scene begins with a serene image of a boy in a rowboat on an oil-filled reservoir at dawn, accompanied by the sounds of oil derricks. It then shifts to a school for the deaf in San Francisco, where PLBTCBBR offers George Reynolds a lucrative job with Mr. Plainview, which requires travel. George declines the offer, citing his lack of family in the area. The scene transitions to a train where George teaches sign language to a young boy named BW, highlighting a moment of connection amidst the earlier negotiation.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Tension-building
Weaknesses
  • Potential lack of clarity in some character motivations

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys the emotional depth and complexity of the characters, setting up a pivotal moment in the story.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring Daniel's internal struggles and conflicts is compelling and drives the scene forward.

Plot: 8

The plot development in the scene is crucial for understanding Daniel's character arc and the overall narrative.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a unique setting of a reservoir full of oil and a school for the deaf, adding layers of complexity and diversity to the narrative. The dialogue feels authentic and reflects the power dynamics at play.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed and their interactions reveal layers of complexity and emotion, particularly in Daniel's internal turmoil.

Character Changes: 8

Daniel undergoes a significant emotional transformation, revealing his inner turmoil and regrets.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to recruit George Reynolds to work for Mr. Plainview. This reflects the protagonist's need for loyal and capable employees to support his business endeavors.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to secure George Reynolds as an employee for Mr. Plainview's business ventures. This reflects the immediate challenge of finding skilled individuals to work for him.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The internal and external conflicts within the characters create tension and drive the emotional stakes of the scene.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, as George Reynolds' decision to accept or decline the offer presents a significant obstacle for the protagonist.

High Stakes: 8

The high emotional stakes and internal conflicts within the characters make the scene intense and impactful.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by deepening the audience's understanding of Daniel's character and setting up future conflicts.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the uncertain outcome of George Reynolds' decision to accept or decline the offer, adding tension and suspense to the narrative.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

There is a philosophical conflict evident in this scene between the protagonist's offer of financial security and travel opportunities versus George Reynolds' potential desire for stability and roots in San Francisco. This challenges the protagonist's values of ambition and mobility.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions and empathy for the characters, drawing the audience into their internal struggles.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue is impactful and reveals the inner thoughts and conflicts of the characters, driving the emotional intensity of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the high stakes negotiation and recruitment process, as well as the potential conflict between characters' desires and opportunities.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining a steady rhythm and building tension through the negotiation and recruitment process.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings and concise descriptions of locations and actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear transitions between locations and a focus on character interactions.


Critique
  • The opening image of a boy in a rowboat on an oil reservoir is visually striking and metaphorically rich, suggesting themes of innocence amidst corruption. However, the transition to the school scene feels abrupt and lacks a clear narrative connection to the previous scene, which may confuse the audience.
  • The dialogue in the school scene is functional but lacks emotional depth. While it conveys the necessary information about the job offer, it could benefit from more character-driven dialogue that reveals George's motivations or feelings about leaving his current position.
  • The character of PLBTCBBR is introduced but not fully developed in this scene. His motivations and relationship with Daniel Plainview could be explored further to create a more compelling dynamic. As it stands, he feels more like a plot device than a fully realized character.
  • The scene lacks tension or conflict, which can make it feel flat. While the offer is significant, there is no immediate stakes or emotional weight behind George's decision to decline. Adding internal conflict or hesitation from George could enhance the scene's impact.
  • The visual transitions between the scenes are somewhat disjointed. The cut from the serene oil reservoir to the bustling school environment could be smoothed out with a more deliberate narrative bridge that connects the two settings thematically or emotionally.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of reflection or internal conflict for George before he declines the job offer. This could involve him weighing the pros and cons of leaving his current life, which would add depth to his character.
  • Enhance PLBTCBBR's character by giving him a more distinct personality or backstory. Perhaps he has a personal stake in the job offer or a history with Daniel that influences his approach to George.
  • Explore the boy in the rowboat further. Perhaps he could have a moment of interaction with the oil, symbolizing the innocence lost in the pursuit of wealth, which could then contrast with George's decision-making process.
  • Add a moment of hesitation or emotional turmoil for George when he declines the offer. This could be expressed through his body language or a brief internal monologue that reveals his thoughts on family and ambition.
  • Consider using a voiceover or a visual motif that connects the two scenes, such as the sound of the oil derricks transitioning into the school environment, to create a smoother narrative flow.



Scene 56 -  A Father's Resolve
124 EXT. FIELDS NEAR THE SUNDAY RANCH. DAY.
It's weeks later. THE CONSTRUCTION OP TBB PIPELINE IS UNDER
WAY.
ANGLB, DANIEL.
out here, sweating in the sun, working/supervising.
ANGLB, ACROSS TBB PIELDS.
FLETCHER is walking with: B.W. and GBORGB REYNOLDS. *
Daniel sees them and comes walking over very quickly-grabbing
BOLD OP B.W. AND KISSING AND BUGGING HIM.
Pletcher watches •••
DANIBL picks him up and they walk off. (STAY WITH THEM,
DANIBL WBISPBRS TO HIM, BOLDS HIM, GENTLY, KINDLY)
CUT'l'O:

125 INT. FANCY RESTAURANT/ISABELLA COUNTY -NIGHT- LATER 125
DANIEL and BW sit at a Fancf restaurant-BW's feet dangling from
the chair-
DANIBL
We'll get you a good meal-
That's all we need here is a good
strong expensive meal-
Are you hungry?
Daniel is frustrated. A WAITER. COMES OVER.
DANIEL
Two steaks. Whiskey.
And water for him. and goat's milk.
They stare at each other.
DANIEL
Standard offered us a million dollars
for the Little Boston leases.
I told them no.
We made a deal with Union on the
pipeline. and all of our output.
110



BEAT.

DANIEL
Can you hear me?

Are you looking at me and really
you can hear me?

HOLD. They sit..........._......_

DANIEL
We're gonna have that Teacher
help you and help take care of all this.

Because I need you.

I need your help. we got everything we need
now to build this company...

CU. DANIEL.
he looks across the RESTAURANT and sees something... he stands up,
leaving HW •

...arriving at another table: sitting here is H.M. TILFORD, from
Standard Oil, who we met earlier and Daniel threatened. He is
sitting with his WIFE.

DANIEL stands over him.

DANIEL
I want you to look over there.

TILFORD
Hello, Daniel.

DANIEL
Look over there. That's my son.
You see? SEE?

TILFORD
Daniel -

DANIEL
you see him? you don't tell me how
to raise my family. I told you not
to tell me how to raise my family
so what do you see?

TILFORD
I'm happy for you that everything --
Ill

Blue Revi•ed 5/18/06

DANIEL
I've made a deal with union and my son
is happy and safe and I'm taking care of
him now - so you look like a fool, Hamil ton.
Don't you?
TILFORD
Yea.
DANIEL
I told you what I was gonna do-
Daniel walks back and takes his seat wi tb B. W. BOLD-CU. BW' s
!!2!-looking at Daniel continue to babble away, bearing NOTHING.
CUT TOI
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In this scene, Daniel supervises pipeline construction while warmly greeting his son B.W. Later, at an upscale restaurant, he expresses frustration over a business deal and confronts H.M. Tilford from Standard Oil, asserting his role as a father and businessman. Daniel boasts about his success with Union, leaving Tilford embarrassed. The scene contrasts Daniel's affectionate relationship with B.W. against the tension of the business confrontation, ultimately showcasing Daniel's confidence and commitment to his family.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Tension building
  • Authentic dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Slightly repetitive dialogue
  • Lack of resolution in some conflicts

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively combines emotional depth with intense confrontations and reflective moments, providing a compelling insight into Daniel's character and the challenges he faces in both personal and professional aspects.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring family dynamics, business negotiations, and personal struggles within a single scene is well-executed. The scene effectively weaves together these elements to create a cohesive and engaging narrative.

Plot: 8

The plot development in the scene is significant, advancing both the personal and professional arcs of the characters. The conflicts with Standard Oil Company and Daniel's internal dilemmas add depth to the overall storyline.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh take on family dynamics and business negotiations, with authentic dialogue and character interactions.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters, especially Daniel, are well-developed and showcase a range of emotions and motivations. The scene delves into Daniel's protective instincts towards his son, his defiance in business dealings, and his internal struggles, adding layers to his character.

Character Changes: 8

Daniel undergoes subtle changes in the scene, showcasing his protective instincts, emotional vulnerability, and defiance in the face of challenges. The interactions with his son and the confrontations with Standard Oil Company contribute to his character development.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to assert his control over his business and family, while also seeking validation and respect from his peers.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to secure his business deals and protect his family from outside threats.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The scene is filled with conflict, both internal and external, adding tension and drama to the narrative. The confrontations with Standard Oil Company, Daniel's emotional struggles, and the high stakes involved in business negotiations heighten the conflict level.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting interests and power struggles driving the conflict.

High Stakes: 8

The scene involves high stakes in both personal and professional aspects, with Daniel facing challenges in protecting his son, making tough business decisions, and confronting powerful adversaries like Standard Oil Company. The outcomes have significant implications for the characters.

Story Forward: 8

The scene effectively moves the story forward by advancing the personal and professional arcs of the characters. The negotiations with Standard Oil Company, Daniel's internal dilemmas, and the dynamics between characters contribute to the overall narrative progression.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected emotional outbursts and power shifts between characters.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the protagonist's sense of autonomy and self-determination against the pressures of external forces like Standard Oil.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, eliciting a range of feelings from tension and frustration to hope and vulnerability. The interactions between characters, especially Daniel and his son, evoke empathy and engagement from the audience.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene is impactful, capturing the emotional intensity and confrontational nature of the interactions. The conversations between characters reveal their motivations, conflicts, and vulnerabilities, enhancing the overall narrative.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense emotional exchanges and high stakes confrontations.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and suspense gradually, leading to a dramatic climax.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a traditional structure for a dramatic confrontation, building tension and conflict effectively.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures Daniel's dual role as a father and a businessman, showcasing his emotional complexity. However, the transition from the fields to the restaurant feels abrupt. A smoother transition could enhance the flow of the narrative.
  • Daniel's dialogue with B.W. is tender, but it lacks depth. While he expresses his need for B.W.'s help, it would be beneficial to explore what that help entails. This could add layers to their relationship and provide insight into Daniel's motivations.
  • The confrontation with H.M. Tilford is intense and serves to highlight Daniel's aggressive nature. However, the dialogue could be more impactful. Instead of merely asserting his dominance, Daniel could express deeper insecurities or fears about his role as a father and businessman, making the confrontation more relatable and layered.
  • The scene's pacing is uneven. The initial moments with B.W. feel rushed, while the confrontation with Tilford drags slightly. Balancing the pacing would help maintain tension and engagement throughout the scene.
  • The visual descriptions are minimal. Adding more sensory details about the restaurant setting could enhance the atmosphere and provide a richer backdrop for the emotional exchanges. For example, describing the sounds, smells, and ambiance could immerse the audience more fully in the scene.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of reflection for Daniel before he transitions to the restaurant, perhaps showing him contemplating his success or the weight of his responsibilities as a father.
  • Expand on the dialogue between Daniel and B.W. to include specific examples of how B.W. can help with the company, which would clarify their relationship and Daniel's expectations.
  • In the confrontation with Tilford, allow Daniel to reveal more of his vulnerabilities. This could be achieved through a moment of hesitation or a slip in his bravado, making him more relatable.
  • Adjust the pacing by allowing for a moment of silence or a beat after Daniel's tender interaction with B.W. before cutting to the restaurant, creating a more natural flow.
  • Enhance the visual elements by incorporating descriptions of the restaurant's atmosphere, such as the clinking of glasses, the chatter of patrons, or the aroma of food, to create a more immersive experience.



Scene 57 -  Lessons in Oil and Bittersweet Farewells
126 INT. BASECAMP OIL FIBLDS. DAY. 126*

BW is teaching GBORGB the language of the OIL BUSINESS. *
MARY is hera as wall, learning. SIGH LANGUAGE- *
They spell out words and find SIGNS for OIL BQUIPMBNT that *
is laid out around the camp - George will silently MOUTH *
the word and together they make a SIGN. *
BW is very confident around this gear-BOLD ON BIK signing *
away_ *
CUT TO:

127 INT. TRAIN DEPOT. DAY. WEEKS LATER.
DANIEL is taking care of some business at the crowded train
depot-ELI, dressed up for a journey, comas and finds him --
BLI
Bello, Daniel.
DANIEL
going somewhere?
ELI
That's right. I'm going on a mission.
Oildale, Taft, I'm going to Bakersfield.
I've been invited to spread his word-and it's
time for our congregation to grow.
DANIEL
I'll be sorry to see you go.
112
Blue Revi•ed 5/18/06


ELI
I know that's not true-
BEAT.

ELI
It's good that B.W. is back home
where he belongs. Be's a fine boy.
Daniel has nothing else to say__
ELI
God bless you.-

DANIEL
Be very very careful where you
turn in your travels, Eli.
ELI
_and God be with your boy.
Eli leaves. Daniel watches hia-go.
CUT TO:




127A EXT. VARIOUS LOCATIONS. TBD. 127A*
1. SHOTS OP B.W *
2. SHOTS OP BW AND MARY. *
3. CU, BW RUNNING NEAR MAGIC HOUR. *
CUT TO BLACK. *
TITLE CARD: *

128 OMITTED *
112A
Blue Revised 5/18/06

FADE UP:


128A EXT./INT. P~~BW MANSION - DUSK. 128A*

VARIOUS STATIC IMAGES OF DANIEL PLAI~EW'S MANSION/ESTATE. *
GROUNDS, ROOMS, GOTHIC ROOMS, STONE, MARBLE, BOWLING ALLEY, *
ETC, UNPAClCBD BOXES, ETC. *

COTTO:

128B INT. KITCBBN. PLAINVIEW MANSION. DAY. 128B*

Daniel is here and he is SIGHING CHECKS. AL ROSE is here, *
putting things in front of him. *

a SERVANT cleans/works in b.g. *

Daniel eats a sandwich. END. cu, IMAGE. SIGNATURE. *

COTTO:

128C INT. HALLWAY. NIGHT. 128C*

Daniel walks down the hallway. *
CUT TO: *
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In this scene, BW confidently teaches GBORGB and MARY the language of the oil business at a basecamp, engaging them in spelling and sign-making related to oil equipment. The scene shifts to a train depot weeks later, where DANIEL expresses mixed emotions as ELI prepares to leave for a mission to spread his message in Oildale, Taft, and Bakersfield. Their conversation reveals an underlying tension about ELI's departure, culminating in a bittersweet farewell as ELI leaves, leaving DANIEL watching him go.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Reflective dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Lack of external conflict
  • Slow pacing in some parts

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys the emotional depth of the characters, particularly Daniel, through introspective dialogue and reflective moments. The interactions with Eli add a layer of complexity to Daniel's character, and the focus on family dynamics enhances the overall impact of the scene.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring Daniel's inner turmoil and regrets, as well as his evolving relationships with other characters, is compelling and well-developed. The scene effectively conveys themes of redemption, loss, and the complexities of family dynamics.

Plot: 7.5

While the scene does not have a traditional plot progression, it focuses more on character development and thematic exploration. The interactions with Eli and the reflections on family relationships add depth to the overall narrative.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces unique elements such as sign language for oil equipment and a focus on the characters' internal and external goals. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The scene delves deep into Daniel's character, showcasing his inner conflicts, regrets, and evolving relationships with other characters. The interactions with Eli and the focus on family dynamics add layers to Daniel's personality and motivations.

Character Changes: 8

Daniel undergoes significant emotional changes in the scene, grappling with his regrets, longings, and evolving relationships. The interactions with Eli and the reflections on family dynamics contribute to Daniel's character development and growth.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to feel confident and competent in their knowledge and skills related to the oil business. This reflects their desire for mastery and success in their field.

External Goal: 7.5

The protagonist's external goal is to maintain a successful business operation in the oil fields and expand their influence. This reflects the immediate challenges they face in managing their resources and relationships.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 5

The scene is more focused on internal conflicts and emotional struggles rather than external conflicts. The tension arises from Daniel's regrets, longings, and evolving relationships, adding depth to the narrative.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create conflict and challenge the characters' goals, adding depth to the narrative and keeping the audience engaged.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes in the scene are more internal and emotional, focusing on Daniel's inner turmoil, regrets, and evolving relationships. While there are no immediate external threats, the emotional depth of the characters adds a sense of high stakes to the narrative.

Story Forward: 7

While the scene does not have a traditional plot progression, it moves the story forward by deepening the audience's understanding of the characters, their motivations, and the thematic elements at play. The interactions with Eli and the reflections on family dynamics add layers to the narrative.

Unpredictability: 7.5

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in the characters' dialogue and actions, keeping the audience guessing about the outcome.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

There is a philosophical conflict between the characters' beliefs about success, power, and morality. This challenges the protagonist's values and worldview, especially in relation to their business practices and personal relationships.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, delving deep into the characters' inner struggles, regrets, and evolving relationships. The reflective and introspective moments evoke a sense of poignancy and emotional depth, resonating with the audience.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue in the scene is introspective, emotional, and reflective, effectively conveying the inner thoughts and struggles of the characters. The interactions between Daniel and Eli are particularly poignant and add depth to their relationship.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the dynamic interactions between the characters, the unique setting, and the underlying conflicts and goals driving the plot forward.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and suspense, with a balance of dialogue and action to maintain the audience's interest.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene adheres to the expected format for its genre, with proper scene headings, descriptions, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8.5

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear transitions between locations and a coherent progression of events.


Critique
  • The scene begins with BW teaching GBORGB the language of the oil business, which is a creative way to show the passing of knowledge and the importance of communication in the industry. However, the dialogue is somewhat unclear and lacks depth. The spelling out of words and the signing process could be more vividly described to enhance the visual storytelling and engage the audience more effectively.
  • The transition to the train depot feels abrupt. The cut from the teaching scene to Daniel's business dealings lacks a smooth narrative flow. It would benefit from a more gradual transition that connects the two scenes thematically or visually, perhaps by showing the impact of BW's learning on Daniel's business interactions.
  • Daniel's interaction with Eli is brief and lacks emotional weight. While there is an acknowledgment of Eli's departure, the dialogue feels somewhat perfunctory. This moment could be an opportunity to explore the complex relationship between Daniel and Eli further, perhaps by adding subtext or tension that reflects their past conflicts and current dynamics.
  • The dialogue in the train depot scene is functional but lacks subtext. For instance, when Daniel says, 'I'll be sorry to see you go,' it feels insincere. This could be an opportunity to delve deeper into Daniel's feelings about Eli's departure, perhaps revealing a mix of relief and unresolved tension.
  • The scene ends with a visual of Daniel watching Eli leave, which is a strong image, but it could be enhanced by including Daniel's internal thoughts or feelings. This would provide a more profound emotional resonance and allow the audience to connect with his character on a deeper level.
Suggestions
  • Consider expanding the teaching scene to include more specific examples of the oil business terminology being taught. This could involve BW and GBORGB discussing real-life applications of the terms, making the learning process more engaging.
  • Add a transitional moment between the teaching scene and the train depot to create a smoother narrative flow. This could be a brief montage showing BW's newfound confidence in the oil business impacting Daniel's work.
  • Enhance the dialogue between Daniel and Eli by incorporating more subtext. Explore their complicated relationship through their words and body language, allowing the audience to sense the underlying tension.
  • Include a moment of reflection for Daniel after Eli leaves, perhaps showing him contemplating their past interactions or expressing a mix of emotions about Eli's mission. This could deepen the audience's understanding of Daniel's character.
  • Consider using visual storytelling techniques, such as close-ups or symbolic imagery, to convey the emotional stakes of the scene. For example, a lingering shot of Daniel's face as he watches Eli leave could capture his internal conflict more effectively.



Scene 58 -  Crossroads of Love and Business
128D INT. BEDROOM. MORNING. 128D*

IMAGE. Daniel sleeping. OC we hear the voice of GEORGE *
(interpreter) speak; *
BW/GEORGB ( VO)
Bow many can say that they have known *
the love of their life since they can *
remember? *
CUT TO:
112B
Blue Reviaed 5/18/06

128E IN'l'. A CHURCH SOMEWHERE. LOOKING TOWARDS TBB ALTAR. 128E*
OLDER HW (aged 25) AND OLDER MARY (aged 25) are on knees, *
wedding vows and sacrament- *
PRIEST, EXCHANGING VOWS-CO's priest's mouth, 8W watching. *
sign language. *
BW/GEORGB ( VO)
I know not many. And I hold it as my deepest *
pleasure. *
I am sure that I have idolized Mary since *
I mat her so long ago - and I will *
continue to idolize her the rest of *
my life. My ring baa never been offered *
or worn by another but my little girl Mary. *
WE BEAR. /DETAILS SACRAMENT ( TBD) *
BW/GEORGE (VO)
The other side of Q¥ life gets darker *
each day_ *
CUT TO:
Ill
Blue Reviaed 5/18/06

129 INT. PRIVATE RAIL CAR. DAY. MOVING. 129*
BW is signing this LETTER that we BEAR - to GEORGE, *
who speaks it to a SBCRBTARY who TYPBS THIS OUT- *
MARY is here_ *
BW/GBORGB (VO) (temp narration) *
My father's fe~ocious appetite for buying *
new land while ignoring existing contracts *
is blind to the future of this industry. *
OUT TBB WINDOW WB SBB DBRRICltS FOR MILBS AND MILBS *
AHD MILBS. *
BW/GBORGB (VO) (temp narration) *
I cannot continue to put a happy face on *
the trouble I see. There is a downfall ahead, *
and my Father is unable or unwilling to see *
this-
_would you consider a meeting to *
discuss your future plans? *
CUT TO:
113A
Blue Reviaed 5/18/06

129A EXT. NEW SUNDAY RANCH BOOSE. AFTERNOON. 129A*
SURROUNDED BY DERRICKS. WIDE SHOT. PX. *
BW/GEORGB
Mary and I are travelling to *
Little Boston on the 19~ of this month *
to see our family. *
Perhaps it is a good time and privata place *
to apeak. It has bean too long a inca we've *
bean together and you must wrap your arms *
around Mary, who demands to see you. *
ANGLE, CLOSER. *
BW and MARY are with an OLDER MOTHER SUNDAY AND OLDER ROTH *
AND HER HUSBAND AND KIDS. *
ANGLE, PLETCHER. *
is baing driven in a nice car, up to the house, through the *
oil fields. *
ANGLE, PORCH. *
They all sit on the porch ot ~ke house. *
BW/GEORGE
I have reached a crossroads in my life, *
Fletcher and I am in need of your help. *
COTTO:
129B EXT. SUNDAY BOUSE. DUSK. 129B*
FLETCHER, HW and GEORGE are off to the side, away from it *
all having a conversation. WE SEE THIS INTENSE CONVERSATION *
ONLY FROM A DISTANCE. *
CO. MARY. *
she watches them across the way. *
LONG LENS. IMAGE *
OF THE MEN GATHERED, BW SIGNING, GEORGE
IN'l'ERPRBTING-FLETCBER listens, speaks, continue- *
BOLD THIS, THEN:

129C INT. ROOM. NIGHT. (TBD) (maybe?) 129C*
MARY and BW kiss each other. *
COT TO:
114-117

Blue Revised 5/18/06


130 OMITTED *
131 OMITTED *
132 OMITTED *
133 OMITTED *
134 OMITTED *
Genres: ["Drama","Family","Relationship"]

Summary The scene begins with Daniel asleep as George reflects on the rarity of childhood love. It transitions to a church where HW and Mary exchange vows, with George expressing his admiration for Mary. The narrative shifts to a private rail car where George discusses his father's poor business decisions and the industry's troubles, seeking a meeting for future plans. The scene continues at the Sunday ranch, where George seeks help from Fletcher, indicating a pivotal moment in his life. It concludes with an intense conversation between Fletcher, HW, and George, observed by Mary, leaving a sense of unresolved tension.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Reflective tone
Weaknesses
  • Limited plot progression
  • Low external conflict

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively captures the emotional depth and complexity of the characters, providing a reflective and sentimental tone that adds depth to the narrative.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of reflecting on past decisions, family connections, and future choices is well-executed, providing a meaningful exploration of the characters' inner lives.

Plot: 7.5

While the plot progression is subtle, the scene focuses more on character dynamics and emotional depth, adding layers to the overall narrative.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces unique situations such as sign language communication, family dynamics, and business conflicts. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds depth and complexity to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are richly developed, with complex emotions and relationships that drive the scene forward and add depth to the story.

Character Changes: 8

The characters undergo emotional growth and introspection, leading to subtle but significant changes in their perspectives and relationships.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to navigate personal relationships, family dynamics, and business decisions. This reflects their deeper needs for connection, understanding, and success in their endeavors.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to address business concerns, make important decisions, and seek help from others. This reflects the immediate challenges they are facing in their personal and professional life.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 4

The conflict in the scene is more internal and emotional, focusing on personal struggles and relationships rather than external action.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting goals, moral dilemmas, and personal conflicts creating tension and uncertainty for the characters.

High Stakes: 3

The stakes in the scene are more personal and emotional, focusing on the characters' inner struggles and relationships rather than external conflicts.

Story Forward: 6

While the scene may not significantly move the plot forward, it adds depth and complexity to the characters and sets the stage for future developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the conflicting goals, moral dilemmas, and unexpected twists in the characters' relationships and decisions.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

There is a philosophical conflict evident in the scene between personal values, family loyalty, and business ethics. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs, values, and worldview, forcing them to make difficult decisions.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, drawing the audience into the characters' inner lives and creating a sense of empathy and connection.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is introspective and reflective, adding to the emotional impact of the scene and revealing the inner thoughts and feelings of the characters.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its emotional depth, complex relationships, and moral dilemmas. The audience is drawn into the characters' struggles and decisions.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by balancing emotional moments, dialogue exchanges, and visual storytelling to create a dynamic and engaging narrative.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings, character actions, and dialogue cues.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear transitions between locations, character interactions, and narrative developments.


Critique
  • The scene transitions from Daniel's introspective moment to a wedding ceremony, which could create a jarring shift in tone. The juxtaposition of Daniel's sleep and the wedding vows could be more effectively connected to enhance thematic resonance, perhaps by exploring Daniel's internal conflict regarding love and commitment.
  • The voiceover from BW/GEORGB is poetic but lacks a strong emotional anchor in the visual narrative. While it expresses admiration for Mary, the scene could benefit from more visual storytelling that shows their relationship's depth rather than relying solely on narration.
  • The dialogue in the wedding scene feels somewhat generic and lacks specificity. The vows could be more personalized to reflect the characters' unique experiences and emotions, making the moment feel more authentic and impactful.
  • The transition to the private rail car feels abrupt and could be better integrated. The scene would benefit from a smoother narrative flow that connects the wedding vows to the subsequent discussion about business, perhaps by highlighting how personal relationships are affected by professional decisions.
  • The visual elements, such as the serene image of the boy in the rowboat and the church setting, are strong but could be enhanced with more detailed descriptions to evoke a stronger emotional response from the audience. For instance, describing the atmosphere of the church or the expressions on the characters' faces could add depth.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of Daniel's reflection or reaction to the wedding vows, which could provide insight into his character and emotional state, creating a more cohesive narrative.
  • Revise the voiceover to include more specific memories or anecdotes about Mary that illustrate their relationship, making the vows feel more personal and relatable.
  • Enhance the dialogue in the wedding scene by incorporating unique phrases or references that reflect the characters' backgrounds and experiences, making their vows more memorable.
  • Create a more gradual transition between the wedding scene and the private rail car discussion by including a moment that connects the themes of love and business, perhaps through a shared look or gesture between characters.
  • Add more sensory details to the visual descriptions, such as the sounds of the church, the expressions of the characters, or the ambiance of the rail car, to immerse the audience in the scene.



Scene 59 -  Betrayal in the Office
135 INT. PLAINVIEW MANSION - FOYER/HALLWAY - DAY (LATER) 13~

B. w. and GBORGB coma walking down this long, dark
hallway-entering in from the FRONT DOOR-
CAMERA moves into cu. on s.w. aa they arrive at DANIEL'S OFPICEa
CUT TO:
118
Blue Revised 5/18/06



136 INT. OFFICE. MOMENTS LATER. 136*
DANIEL is here, sitting at his desk, looking at HW and *
GBORGB enter. Be ia ready for something. *
They come in, walk up--sit down. Daniel looks right at him~ •
DABIBL
Bow was your trip? *
HW/GBORGE
Pine, thank you. *
BEAT. something uncomfortable. AL ROSE and OTBBR CRONIB are *
watching the interchange. •
BW/GEORGB
can we be alone? •
DANIEL..
these are my cld'aest associates, they •
hear everything - where have you been? •
BW/GBORGB
I would rather speak to you in private. •
DANIEL
You can't apeak. so why don't you •
just tell me where you've been? •
or do you think I don't know? •
BW/GBORGE
If you know, then you tell me. •
DANIEL
I know that we have no business *
to be done in the Sunday Field. •
and I know that if you take *
my rail car on business it should *
be used for business. *
and I have no business with Pletcher •
Hamilton. so what is it that you're *
here to tell me?
119
Blue Reviaed 5/18/06



BOLD. BEAT. THEN~
BW
This is very hard for me to say, but *
I will tell you first: I love you very much. *
I have learned to love what I do because *
of you. I am leaving here. I'm going to *
Mexico. I am taking Mary and I am going to *
Mexico. I miss working outside. I miss the *
fields. *
It will only be for a time. Por me to *
do my own drilling and start my own *
company. *
It's time to make a change. *
BEAT.

DANIEI.t..
This makes you rlty -.oompeti tor. *
BW
No, no, it's not like that. *
DANIEL
It is like that, boy. *
BEAT.

DANIEL
Your own company? *
BW
That's right. *
DANIEL
In Mexico? *
BW
Yes. *
DANIEL
You are making such a misstep. *
120

Blue Revised 5/18/06


BEAT.
DANIEL
so-what are you doing? *
HW
I've tried to talk to you. *
DANIEL
-- you talk through your little dog. *
B.W./GBORGB
I know that we don't agree *
over many things and I would rather *
keep you as my Pather than my partner. *
DANIEL (to HW)
Then say it- *
You've got something to say to me? *
Then say it. I'd like to hear speak *
instead of your ·l!ttle dog. •
BEAT. BW doesn't say anything. BOLD. *
DANIEL
You're killing us with what you're doing. *
B.W./GEORGB
You're stubborn and you won't listen. *
DANIEL
You're killing my image of you as my son. •
B.W./GBORGB
You will change. You will see me •
sweetly again someday_ •
DANIEL
You're not my son. *
B.W./GEORGB
Please don't say that. I know you *
don't mean that. *
121 -122

Blue Reviaed 5/18/06



DARIBL
It's the truth - _you're not my son. *
_and you never have been-you're an orphan. *
_and you've operated here today like one. *
I should have seen this coming_ *
I should have known that under this all, *
these past years you've been building your *
hate for me piece by piece-and I don't *
even know who you are-because you have none *
of me in yau-You're Someone Blse's- *
This anger-your maliciousness and backwards *
dealings with me-you're an orphan froa a *
basket in the middle of the desert-and I *
took you for no other reason than I needed *
a sweet face to buy land. You're lower *
than a bastard. *
s.w. watching Daniel's mouth as he finishes speaking-BW *
signa, GBORGB speaks: *
BW/GBl>RGB
I'm going to Mexico with my wife. *
I'm going away from you. *
DARIBL
You have none of -. in you. *
BW/GBORGB
If you want to fight me-it will *
be the fight of your life. *
They leave. *
DANIBL
YOU' RB A BASTARD FROM A BASUT. BASTARD *
FROM A BASDT. *
CUT TO:
123

Blue Revi•ed 5/18/01




137 INT. STAIRWBLL. LATER. 137
It's dark and then a door ia opened-DANIEL comes staggering in
and goes DEEP DOWM INSIDE BIS BOUSE-
LONG DISSOLVE TOa
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In a tense confrontation in Daniel's office, B.W. reveals his plan to leave for Mexico and start his own drilling company, which Daniel perceives as a betrayal. The argument escalates as Daniel denies any familial connection, calling B.W. an orphan, while B.W. asserts his independence. The scene culminates in a bitter exchange filled with anger and unresolved emotional issues, ending with B.W. and George exiting as Daniel hurls insults after them.
Strengths
  • Intense emotional conflict
  • Powerful dialogue
  • Strong character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Some repetitive dialogue
  • Lack of resolution in the scene

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.7

The scene is intense, emotional, and impactful, with strong character dynamics and conflict driving the narrative forward.


Story Content

Concept: 8.6

The concept of a son breaking away from his father to pursue his own path is a compelling and relatable theme that adds depth to the characters.

Plot: 8.7

The plot advances significantly as the son's decision to leave creates a major conflict with the father, setting the stage for future developments.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to family drama, focusing on power dynamics and emotional conflicts within a wealthy family. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed, with complex emotions and motivations driving their actions, leading to a dramatic confrontation.

Character Changes: 9

Both characters undergo significant changes, with the son asserting his independence and the father facing the reality of his strained relationship with his child.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to assert his authority and maintain control over his business and family relationships. This reflects his deeper need for power, respect, and validation.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to confront his son and business associates about their actions and decisions, reflecting the immediate challenge of maintaining his business interests and family dynamics.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between the father and son is intense and emotionally charged, driving the scene's tension and drama to a high level.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting values and emotional confrontations between the characters, creating uncertainty and drama for the audience.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high as the son's decision to leave not only impacts his relationship with his father but also sets the stage for a new chapter in his life.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward by introducing a major conflict that will have lasting repercussions on the characters and their trajectories.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected emotional revelations and confrontations between the characters, adding tension and suspense to the narrative.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict is evident in the differing values of loyalty, honesty, and ambition between the characters. The protagonist values loyalty and family ties, while the son values independence and ambition.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions from the audience, particularly in the raw and honest portrayal of familial strife and personal choices.

Dialogue: 8.8

The dialogue is sharp, emotional, and reveals the deep-seated resentments and conflicts between the father and son, adding layers to their relationship.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense dialogue, emotional depth, and dramatic conflict, keeping the audience invested in the characters' relationships and decisions.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, allowing for emotional depth and character development to unfold gradually.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene effectively conveys the setting and character interactions, enhancing the dramatic impact of the dialogue and conflict.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a dramatic confrontation, with a clear buildup of tension and resolution. The formatting enhances the intensity of the dialogue and character interactions.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the escalating tension between Daniel and B.W., showcasing their fraught father-son relationship. However, the dialogue can feel overly expository at times, particularly in Daniel's monologues. This could be streamlined to maintain the emotional intensity without losing the audience's engagement.
  • The use of physical space is notable, with the dark hallway and Daniel's office creating a claustrophobic atmosphere that mirrors the emotional conflict. However, the scene could benefit from more visual cues or actions that reflect the characters' emotional states, rather than relying solely on dialogue.
  • B.W.'s character arc is significant, as he expresses his desire for independence and a new direction in life. However, the dialogue lacks subtlety in conveying his motivations. Instead of stating his feelings directly, consider incorporating more nuanced expressions of his internal struggle, perhaps through actions or symbolic gestures.
  • Daniel's harsh words towards B.W. are impactful, but they risk alienating the audience from his character. While this may be the intention, it could be beneficial to include moments that hint at Daniel's underlying vulnerability or regret, making him a more complex antagonist.
  • The pacing of the scene feels uneven, particularly in the transition from B.W.'s declaration to Daniel's aggressive response. A more gradual build-up to the climax of their confrontation could enhance the emotional weight of the moment.
Suggestions
  • Consider tightening the dialogue to eliminate redundancy and enhance the emotional impact. For example, instead of repeating sentiments, allow the characters to express their feelings through actions or more concise statements.
  • Incorporate visual elements that reflect the characters' emotional states, such as B.W. fidgeting or Daniel's clenched fists, to add depth to the scene without relying solely on dialogue.
  • Explore B.W.'s motivations through subtext rather than explicit statements. Allow his actions or reactions to convey his desire for independence, making the audience infer his feelings.
  • Introduce moments of vulnerability for Daniel, perhaps through brief flashes of regret or hesitation, to create a more layered character that the audience can empathize with, even amidst his harshness.
  • Adjust the pacing by building tension gradually. Consider adding beats of silence or moments of hesitation before the climax of the confrontation to heighten the emotional stakes.



Scene 60 -  The Reckoning in the Bowling Alley
138 INT. BOWLING ALLBY/PLAIHVID MANSIOB. HIGHT 138
This is a very large party area/bowling area/recreational room
in the basement of the Plainview Bstate-
There are BMPTY LIQUOR BOTTLBS around-signs of a
MBSS/BOOZE/TROUBLB-
-PASSED OU'l' DRUHK IH TBB HIDDLB 01' TBB BOWLING ALLBY, WRAPPED IN
A BLANDT is DAlflBL.

-an OLD MALB SERVANT comes in...1(a.lks down the lane and attempts
to wake up DANIEL-he tries very hard, over and over and over-
ANGLB 1 TBB DOORWAY.
Down into this area-STBPSa
BLI SUNDAY. Be is flamboyantly dressed and he has TNO PBHALB
COMPANIONS with him-they watch aa the Servant tries to wake
Daniel up_
124



Eli directs his Lady Friends to wait upstairs, then comes over
to help:

ELI
DANIEL. DANIEL. DANIEL PLAINVIEW
THE HOUSE IS ON FIRE.
(beat, to Servant)
you can leave us ... please._

The Servant leaves ... DANIEL comes to...and sees Eli's face.

ELI
Brother Daniel-it's Eli-

DANIEL
--yes it is ...

Daniel stirs and sits up...Eli reaches for some glasses and pours
TWO DRINKS ...of which he drinks BOTH.

DANIEL pours himself a drink.

ELI
Your home is a miracle. It's beautiful.
God bless it.

DANIEL


ELI
... I've been spreading His word
far and wide, far and wide, so much travel
for him... I 've been working in radio... !
So much has been happening, but to be here
and find you and see you well is wonderful
and we have a chance to catch up!
(beat)
My Brother, Daniel...we' re such old
friends! so much time ...

ELI takes another drink...

ELI
ahhhh. things go up, things go down
but at least the Lord is always around.
(beat)
We've seen ups and downs, haven't we?

DANIEL
are things down right now Eli?
125


ELI
no, no...But I come with some sad news:
Perhaps you remember Mr. Bandy?

DANIEL


ELI
Mr. Bandy has passed on to the Lord.

Eli says a silent prayer to himself.

ELI
He lived to be 99 years old.
Mr. Bandy has a Grand Son.
have you met his grandson? William?

DANIEL


ELI
William Bandy is one of the
finest members we have in the Church
of the Third Revelation.
He is young and fit and strong with
good charismatic ability and he is
headed for wonderful things.
He is eager to come to Hollywood
to be in movies. He is very good looking.
And I do think he will have success.

DANIEL
That's wonderful.

ELI
Would you like me to speak with him?

BEAT. Silence.

ELI
Daniel, I'm asking if you'd like
to have business with the Church
of the Third Revelation in developing
this lease on young Bandy's thousand
acre tract.
(beat)
I'm offering you to drill on one
of the great un-developed fields of
Little Boston!
126




DANIEL
I'd be happy to work with you...

ELI
you would? yes, yes of course. wonderful.

DANIEL
But there is one condition for this work.

ELI
Alright.

DANIEL
I'd like you to tell me that
you are a False Prophet.

ELI


DANIEL
I'd like you to tell me that you are,
and have been, a False Prophet...and that
God is a superstition.

ELI
...but that's a lie.

DANIEL


ELI
It's a lie. I cannot say it.

BEAT. LONG PAUSE.

ELI
When can we begin to drill?

DANIEL
Right away.

ELI
How long will it take to bring in the well?

DANIEL
Should be very quick.
127




ELI
I would like a one hundred thousand dollar
signing bonus plus the five that is owed
with interest.

DANIEL
That's only fair.

ELI
... I am a false prophet and God is a
superstition. If that's what you
believe, then I will say it.

DANIEL
Say it like you mean it.

ELI
Daniel...

DANIEL
Say it like it's your sermon.

ELI
This is foolish.

DANIEL


ELI
"I AM A FALSE PROPHET. GOD IS A SUPERSTITION."
is that fine?

DANIEL
Those area's have been drilled.

ELI
...what?
128



DANIEL
Those Area's Have Been Drilled.

ELI
no they haven't.

DANIEL
It's called drainage. I own everything around
i t ..._._.so I get everything underneath it.

ELI
But there are no derricks there. This is
the Bandy tract. Do you understand?

DANIEL
Do you? I drink your water, Eli.
I drink it up. Everyday. I drink
the blood of lamb from Bandy's tract.

ELI
ahuh.

Eli takes another drink... and then begins to break down and CRY
and CRY and sob like a baby...

ELI
oh, Daniel...please...
I 'm in desperate times ... ! need a
friend ... ! feel the walls closing in...
I'VE SINNED... ! NEED HELP ... ! 'm A SINNER...
I've let the Devil grab hold of me in
ways that I never imagined! I'm so full of sin.

DANIEL
The Lord sometimes challenges us, doesn't he?

ELI
ohhhh yes he duz. yes he duzzzzaaaa!
aaaaawhoa. HE'S COMPLETELY FAILED
TO ALERT ME TO THE RECENT PANIC IN OUR
ECONOMY AND THIS. I MUST HAVE THIS •
... I must have this ... ! 've invested..my investments
have ... oh, Daniel, I won't bore you, but I -
IF I COULD GRAB THE LORDS HAND FOR HELP
I WOULD, BUT HE DOES THESE THINGS ALL THE TIME,
THESE MYSTERIES THAT HE PRESENTS AND
WHILE WE WAIT...WHILE WE WAIT...wai t for his word...

DANIEL is HOLDING A LOOK ON ELI;
129




DANIEL
You're not the chosen brother, Eli.
It was Paul who was chosen. He found
me and he told me about your land.
You're a fraud.

ELI
Why are you talking about Paul?
don't say this ...don' t say this to me, Daniel.

DANIEL
I did what your brother couldn't.
I broke you and I beat you.
It was Paul who told me about you.
He's the prophet. He's the smart one.
He knew what was there and he found
me to take it out of the ground.

He SMACKS Eli across the face.

DANIEL
STOP CRYING YOU SNIVELING ASS.
STOP YOUR NONSENSE.

You're just the younger brother.
and you'll always be the younger
brother, Eli...and that land has
been had-.YOU HAVE NOTHING.
YOU LOSE. YOU IDIOT, YOU LOSE.

ELI
If you take this lease on the Bandy lot,
the Church would

DANIEL
DRAINAGE! DRAINAGE, ELI! DRAINED DRY, YOU BOY.

If you have a milkshake and I have a milkshake
and I have a straw and my straw reaches
ACCCRROSSSSSSSSSS the room starts to drink your
milkshake:

I DRINK YOUR MILKSHAKE! I DRINK IT UP.
130




ELI
Don't bully me Daniel, please. HELP ME.
PLEASE. MY FAITH HAS BEEN LOST AND I NEED
A NEW WAY. I ASK FOR YOUR HELP

IN A FLASH: DANIEL is UP AND HAS GRABBED ELI AND THROWN HIM
HALFWAY ACROSS THE ROOM. Eli flails about as Daniel closes in,
hysterical/crazy/kicking/pushing,etc_

DANIEL
I TOOK WHAT I WANTED WHEN YOU WEREN'T LOOKING
AND THE BLOOD OF THE LAMB IS IN MY POCKET.
DO YOU THINK GOD IS GOING TO BALANCE
YOUR INVESTMENTS? GOD DOESN'T SAVE IDIOTS, ELI.
YOU ARE BROKE AND YOU ARE LAME AND
YOU ARE DONE FOR.

ELI
No I'm not.

DANIEL
DID YOU THINK THAT YOUR SONG AND DANCE
AND YOUR SUPERSTITION WOULD SAVE YOU?
I AM THE THIRD REVELATION 1 I AM
WHO THE LORD HAS CHOSEN. BECAUSE I'M
SMARTER THAN YOU. I AM OLDER AND WISER
AND I AM NOT A FALSE PROPHET, YOU
SNIVELING BOY. YOU'RE DONE FOR.

ELI
Not done for, no.

DANIEL
YES.

ANGLE, DANIEL.
along the way, he picks up a HEAVY SILVER TUMBLER-

DANIEL
I AM THE THIRD REVELATION 1 I AM THE
THIRD REVELATION! I TOLD YOU I WOULD EAT
YOU UP, I TOLD YOU I WOULD EAT YOU.
HOW DARE YOU COME TO ME? HOW DARE YOU?

WHAT DID I TELL YOU?
131




ANGLE, ELI.
inching back on the bowling alley floor_.back from DanieL.

DANIEL
WHAT DID I TELL YOU?

ANGLE, DANIEL.
advancing on Eli...

DANIEL
I TOLD YOU I'D EAT YOU UP.

ANGLE, ELI
crawling and looking for somewhere to go_.

DANIEL
How dare you come to my home?

DANIEL is over HIM, AND SITS ON HIS CHEST, PINNING DOWN HIS
ARMS ...AND DRIVES THE TUMBLER STRAIGHT DOWN INTO ELI'S FACE.

CAMERA looks STRAIGHT DOWN on the GORGEOUS WOOD FLOOR...

...very slowly, BLOOD COMES OOZING INTO FRAME. It spreads and
moves like a slow land slide-.covering the floor •• CAMERA moves
back a bit to reveal;

.-blood pouring from Eli's skull and this head wound... he' s curled
in a fetal position and not moving...

CU. DANIEL.
his eyes wet and out of breath from the struggle, looking at
what he's done. HOLD. He gets up --

Daniel drags Eli's dead body down the lane of the bowling alley,
leaving a streak of BLOOD...

HE THROWS HIM INTO THE BOWLING PINS AND DOWN OVER THE LIP INTO
A CELLAR.

138A FROM BELOW, LOOKING UP. 138A

BOWLING PINS AND ELI'S BODY COME CRASHING THROUGH INTO THIS
CELLAR.
132




138B ABOVE, IN THE BOWLING LANE. 138B

Daniel slumps down onto the floor ...breathing heavy and covered in
blood- HOLD WITH HIM ON HIS FACE.

138C ANGLE, AT THE STEPS LEADING TO THE BOWLING ALLEY. 138C

CAMERA pulls back with AL ROSE coming down the
steps-slowly-slowly._revealing to him the horrific scene:

.• and sees the BLOOD spilled across the floor ...and sees Daniel...

HOLD on Al' s face and the reality of this mess_.

Daniel turns around..satisfied:

DANIEL
I'm finished.




THE END.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In a chaotic bowling alley party at the Plainview estate, Daniel Plainview is found passed out when Eli Sunday arrives with his flamboyant companions. Their conversation about business quickly escalates into a tense confrontation, with Daniel demanding Eli confess to being a false prophet. The situation turns violent as Daniel attacks Eli, ultimately killing him with a heavy silver tumbler. After dragging Eli's body across the bloodied floor and discarding it among the bowling pins, a weary Daniel collapses, declaring he is finished.
Strengths
  • Intense confrontation
  • Powerful dialogue
  • Emotional depth
Weaknesses
  • Graphic violence
  • Dark themes

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.5

The scene is incredibly intense, with high stakes and emotional impact. The dialogue is powerful, and the conflict between the characters drives the plot forward with significant character changes.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of the scene, focusing on the final confrontation between Daniel and Eli, is compelling and drives the narrative towards a powerful resolution.

Plot: 9.5

The plot is driven forward by the intense conflict between the characters, leading to a significant turning point in the story.

Originality: 9

The scene showcases originality through its intense confrontation, power dynamics, and unexpected turn of events. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds depth to the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9.5

The characters of Daniel and Eli are well-developed and their interactions in this scene showcase their complex relationship and inner turmoil.

Character Changes: 10

Both Daniel and Eli undergo significant changes during the scene, with their beliefs and relationships fundamentally altered by the confrontation.

Internal Goal: 9

The protagonist's internal goal is to assert his dominance and power over the other character, Eli. This reflects his need for control, validation, and superiority.

External Goal: 8

The protagonist's external goal is to secure a business deal with Eli regarding drilling on a thousand-acre tract of land. This reflects his immediate challenge of expanding his business and securing resources.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9.5

The conflict between Daniel and Eli reaches a peak in this scene, with high emotional stakes and intense physical confrontation.

Opposition: 9

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting beliefs, power dynamics, and emotional turmoil between the characters. The audience is left uncertain about the outcome.

High Stakes: 10

The stakes are incredibly high in this scene, with the characters' lives and beliefs on the line, leading to a dramatic and impactful resolution.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward by resolving the conflict between the main characters and setting the stage for the final act of the narrative.

Unpredictability: 9

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected escalation of conflict, emotional outbursts, and shocking conclusion. The audience is kept on edge throughout.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the clash of belief systems between Daniel, who sees himself as the chosen one, and Eli, who represents religious faith and superstition. This challenges Daniel's worldview and beliefs about power and control.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9.5

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking strong feelings of tension, fear, and catharsis in the audience.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is intense and impactful, revealing the deep emotions and conflicting beliefs of the characters in a powerful way.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its intense conflict, emotional depth, and unpredictable turn of events. The power struggle and dramatic tension keep the audience invested.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, leading to a climactic confrontation between the characters. The rhythm of the dialogue and actions enhances the scene's effectiveness.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions, character actions, and dialogue. It is easy to follow and visualize.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format with clear character motivations, conflict development, and resolution. It maintains tension and pacing effectively.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the climax of Daniel's character arc, showcasing his descent into violence and madness. The confrontation with Eli is intense and serves as a culmination of their fraught relationship, but it may benefit from clearer motivations for Daniel's actions. While his anger is palpable, exploring the psychological triggers that lead to this violent outburst could deepen the audience's understanding of his character.
  • The dialogue is powerful and charged, particularly in the exchanges where Daniel demands Eli to admit he is a false prophet. However, the pacing feels rushed at times, especially during the transition from dialogue to physical confrontation. Allowing for more pauses or reactions from Eli could heighten the tension and make the eventual violence feel more impactful.
  • The visual imagery of blood spreading across the bowling alley floor is striking and memorable, but it risks overshadowing the emotional weight of the scene. Balancing the graphic nature of the violence with the emotional stakes involved in the characters' relationship could create a more nuanced climax. Consider focusing on Daniel's internal conflict as he commits the act, rather than solely on the physicality of the moment.
  • The use of the bowling alley as a setting is intriguing, symbolizing both leisure and the darker aspects of Daniel's life. However, the scene could benefit from more sensory details that evoke the atmosphere of the space—sounds, smells, and the chaotic remnants of the party could enhance the setting and reflect Daniel's mental state.
  • The ending, where Daniel declares 'I'm finished,' feels abrupt and lacks a sense of closure. It might be more effective to explore the aftermath of his actions, perhaps through a brief moment of reflection or realization of what he has done. This could provide a more profound commentary on the consequences of his choices and the emptiness of his victories.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more internal monologue or flashbacks to Daniel's past to provide context for his violent outburst, helping the audience understand his motivations.
  • Slow down the pacing during the dialogue leading up to the confrontation, allowing for more tension to build between Daniel and Eli. Use pauses to emphasize the weight of their words.
  • Incorporate more sensory details to enrich the setting of the bowling alley, creating a vivid atmosphere that reflects the chaos of the party and Daniel's mental state.
  • Explore the emotional aftermath of the violence by including a moment of reflection for Daniel after the act, allowing the audience to see the weight of his actions.
  • Consider revising the final line to provide a stronger sense of closure or ambiguity, prompting the audience to reflect on the implications of Daniel's actions and the state of his character.