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Scene 1 -  Angel's Sacrifice: The Birth of a New Cluster
INT. BURNED OUT APARTMENT

She lies unmoving, with the heaviness of a corpse: the slender
curve of her limbs glow like pools of moonlight caught in the
smoke-stained rings of the burnt mattress.

Like an abscess, the room aches of rot, and yet: her eyes,
open as windows to some unseen bliss, impossibly beautiful
eyes that might belong to an angel, staring without judgment,
without regret or pathos or loss until--

She blinks.

Suddenly we become aware of the broken sink and the drip of
the faucet, barely audible at first, but quickly growing louder
and louder until it sounds like a hammer on an anvil.

A tinnitus swells in her ear, at first soft like an approaching
mosquito that becomes the piercing scream on an ambulance.

A rotten burrito is swarmed with flies.

She looks out at a small hole in the floor, poorly covered by
wooden floorboards, and something darkens behind her eyes.
She knows she must move.

Her arm slides across the rough polyester of the mattress and
it feels like a belt sander. Sweat soaks through her simple
t-shirt.

Nerves pulse with the tension of a toaster suspended about a
bathtub; the slightest movement threatening her life.

She drags herself up and begins to crawl, fingernails scraping
across the wood floor as she pulls herself forward, inch by
agonizing inch as--

The migraine bores through her temple as her shaking fingers
pry open the loose boards in the floor and reach into the
safety of her secret--

Folds of foil wrappers glitter in the darkness. She picks
through them, each one as empty as the last, each dropped
beside another metal object; a loaded .38.

Her supply gone, her needles empty, she feels her mind
beginning to tear itself apart as if it were suddenly ejected
into the vacuum of space, every molecule trying to escape in
a different direction.

ANGEL TV Calling - For educational purposes only
...Please help me.

(CONTINUED)
SENSE8 101 2.


CONTINUED:

JONAS
I'm here.

Suddenly a dark silhouette is in the room, sitting beside
her.

ANGEL
Jonas...

JONAS
Yes, my love. I'm here.

ANGEL
It hurts...

JONAS
I know.

ANGEL
..need medicine.

JONAS
I'm sorry, my love. There's no
more time. It has to be now.

ANGEL
Not ready... too weak.

JONAS
None of us were ever as strong as
you.

Her eyes burn with tears.

ANGEL
I miss us. I miss you.

JONAS
Ohhh mon coeur s'ouvre a at voix.

She smiles and her smile brightens the room.

ANGEL
(French)
Your first words in French to me.

JONAS
I meant them then. I mean them
now.

ANGEL
How scared you were.
TV Calling - For educational purposes only


(CONTINUED)
SENSE8 101 3.


CONTINUED:

JONAS
I'm from Harlem. People from my
hood don't suddenly start speaking
French. Not to mention, I was
kissing a woman I'd never met.

ANGEL
French kissing.

He smiles.

JONAS
French kissing.

Her kisses her.

JONAS
You will always be mon coeur.

A surge of pain knifes through her.

ANGEL
Ohhhh, Jonas. Help me.

JONAS
You can do this.

She groans.

JONAS
It's the size of the cluster. Follow
the umbilicus.

She closes her eyes.

ANGEL
What if he's here? Waiting. I
don't want anyone else to die because
of me.

JONAS
They'll be hunted, born or unborn.
You can give them a fighting chance.

She nods as her breath comes violent and ragged as a sawblade.
She takes his hand and starts to scream.

When she opens her eyes she sees--

The medicine chest mirror flash open, her reflection
disappearing while--

TV Calling - For educational purposes only


(CONTINUED)
SENSE8 101 4.


CONTINUED:

A handsome Chicago cop, WILL, flips the medicine cabinet
closed, holding a bottle of sleeping pills he looks up to
find the Angel's face reflected in the mirror--

ANGEL
I... see them...

The camera keeps moving as we see in a series of panning and
tracking moves, each character connected by a subjective POV
to another view of a different character but all the same age--

RILEY dances at an illegal warehouse party in London feeling
connected to everyone and everything until the Angel's eyes
find her--

CAPHEUS, a matatu driver in Nairobi swerves off the road when
he sees her--

High above the glittering spires of Seoul, SUN, her body as
lithe and effortless as the branches of a willow tree,
practicing her morning martial art, calmly understanding that
she is suddenly not alone--

As LITO, a living Bernini sculpture, dips a bloody hand into
the holy water of a small church outside Mexico, and begins
walking down the aisle, a gun dangling from his other hand
when the Angel appears--

While KALA, a beautiful Indian woman, watches a romantic
Bollywood film in the darkness of her bedroom, her younger
sister sound asleep, the Angel barely visible in the warm
electric glow as--

WOLFGANG, dressed in black, picks the lock of an expensive
flat, then opens the door to find the Angel while--
NOMI injects herself with female hormones in the bathroom,
startled when she looks into the mirror to find the face of
the Angel staring back at her.

JONAS
You did it...

ANGEL
Protect them.

There is a huge crash outside the Angel's apartment. Jonas
goes to the window. Outside the building there are several
gray vans.

JONAS
They're here.
TV Calling - For educational purposes only


(CONTINUED)
SENSE8 101 5.


CONTINUED:

ANGEL
So is he...

We pan to find another figure now standing in the room, MR.
WHISPERS.

He kneels beside her. His voice is like the rasp of a page
of the Bible being turned.

JONAS
Does he know?

She shake her head.

MR. WHISPERS
Then it's true. I've never seen a
birthing.

She tightens as he inspects her.

MR. WHISPERS
It was painful. I can feel it.

JONAS
Fight him.

ANGEL
I can't...

He notices the hole with the needles and foil wrappers.

MR. WHISPERS
Ahhh, that's how you were hiding
from me.

She turns away from him to Jonas.

ANGEL
Go...

JONAS
I won't leave you--

MR. WHISPERS
Is that Jonas?

ANGEL
Please...

JONAS
Mon couer--

TV Calling - For educational purposes only


(CONTINUED)
SENSE8 101 6.


CONTINUED:

MR. WHISPERS
Tell him I'm looking forward to
meeting him.

JONAS
Don't listen to him.

She begins to cry. There are boots on the stairs, rising
towards us.

JONAS
I love you...

ANGEL
I... love you--

MR. WHISPERS
Does he know you're lying?

ANGEL
Stop--

MR. WHISPERS
Or is it still our little secret--

JONAS
Angelica--

ANGEL
I can't do it, not if you're here.

Jonas nods, knowing he will never see her again.

JONAS
Adieu, mon couer.

He kisses her hand, tears wet her cheeks and he is gone.

MR. WHISPERS
Does he know you betrayed him?

She reaches into the hole and pulls out the gun.

MR. WHISPERS
Come now my child, how many times
have you made that threat?

Tears stream down her face as she cradles the gun.

MR. WHISPERS
We both know you won't do it. You
can't. You're one of us. One of
the Good guys and we TV
still have
Calling - For educational purposes only
work to do. Put the gun down.

(CONTINUED)
SENSE8 101 7.


CONTINUED:

She stares at him. A resolve growing in her eyes. The boots
are outside the door.

MR. WHISPERS
You're coming home with me.

She shakes her head.

ANGEL
No.

The door bursts open--

Mr Whispers rushes in, leading a group of paramilitary soldiers--

He is no longer where he was beside her. She puts the gun in
her mouth staring hard at him--

MR. WHISPERS
Stop her!

She pulls the trigger.

SENSE8 TITLE SEQUENCE

CHICAGO
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller","Mystery"]

Summary In a burnt-out apartment, Angel, a sense8, lies barely alive, giving birth to a new cluster. Jonas, another sense8, appears to help her through the process, while Mr. Whispers, their enemy, inspects Angel. Facing an internal conflict, Angel ultimately kills herself to prevent Mr. Whispers from taking her away. The scene is emotional and intense, filled with dialogue that highlights the conflict between the characters and the visual elements of the burnt-out apartment and the mirror flash revealing different characters around the world.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Intense conflict
  • Mystery elements
  • Compelling character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue may be overly dramatic

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly impactful, emotionally charged, and sets up a compelling mystery and conflict.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of sacrifice, addiction, and a looming threat is well-executed and engaging.

Plot: 9

The plot is intense, with high stakes and a sense of urgency driving the narrative forward.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces fresh and original elements, such as the supernatural presence of Mr. Whispers and the interconnectedness of the characters across different locations. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds depth to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are complex, with deep emotional struggles and conflicting motivations.

Character Changes: 8

The Angel undergoes a significant change by making a sacrificial decision for the greater good.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to find a sense of peace and escape from her inner demons, as reflected in her struggle with addiction and her desire for love and protection.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to protect herself from Mr. Whispers and the paramilitary soldiers, as well as to confront her past and make a difficult decision regarding her future.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between the Angel, Mr. Whispers, and the impending danger creates a tense and suspenseful atmosphere.

Opposition: 9

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing multiple threats and challenges that test her resolve and push her to make difficult choices. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how the conflict will be resolved.

High Stakes: 10

The stakes are incredibly high, with the Angel facing life-threatening danger and making a crucial decision.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by introducing new threats, deepening character relationships, and setting up future conflicts.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected twists and turns in the protagonist's journey, as well as the introduction of mysterious and threatening characters. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of what will happen next.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around themes of redemption, betrayal, and the struggle between good and evil. The protagonist must confront her own inner darkness and make a choice that will determine her fate.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 10

The scene is highly emotional, with moments of despair, love, and sacrifice evoking strong emotions in the audience.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is impactful and reveals the characters' inner turmoil and relationships.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense emotional stakes, suspenseful atmosphere, and complex character dynamics. The audience is drawn into the protagonist's struggle and invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is expertly crafted, building tension and suspense through a series of escalating events and emotional beats. The rhythm of the scene enhances its effectiveness and impact.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene descriptions, character actions, and dialogue. The formatting enhances the visual and emotional impact of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a non-linear structure, weaving together multiple character perspectives and building tension towards a climactic moment. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the scene's effectiveness.


Critique
  • The description of the angel's appearance and the room is very detailed and evocative, but it takes up a significant portion of the scene and may slow down the pacing.
  • The dialogue between Angel and Jonas is a bit repetitive and could be condensed to make it more impactful.
  • The sudden appearance of the detective and the brief glimpses into the lives of the other characters in the cluster feel disjointed and could be more smoothly integrated into the scene.
  • The confrontation between Angel and Mr. Whispers lacks tension and does not provide much insight into their relationship or motivations.
  • The ending of the scene, with Angel committing suicide, is abrupt and may not have enough emotional impact for the reader.
Suggestions
  • Consider trimming the description of the room and the angel's appearance to focus more on the action and dialogue.
  • Rewrite the dialogue between Angel and Jonas to be more concise and impactful, highlighting their emotional connection and the urgency of the situation.
  • Find a way to more seamlessly introduce the other characters in the cluster, perhaps through sensory experiences or brief glimpses that are more closely tied to Angel's perspective.
  • Expand on the confrontation between Angel and Mr. Whispers to create more tension and reveal more about their relationship and motivations.
  • Consider exploring alternative ways for Angel to escape or confront Mr. Whispers, rather than suicide, to provide a more satisfying and impactful ending to the scene.



Scene 2 -  Desperate Pursuit and a Tragic End
EXT. WOODS - NIGHT

A ten year old boy is running through the woods. There is a
feeling of panic in him but he is not running away from
something--

He is running toward it.

Stopping he looks around wildly until he sees her: a small
BLOND GIRL, her pale dress glowing in moonlight.

BLOND GIRL
Will...

He rushes toward her but as he runs she disappears. He plunges
after her until she appears again.

BLOND GIRL
Help me...

Again she vanishes.

The boy tears through the woods until arriving at an abandoned
hospital. He catches a glimpse of her in one of the windows
and he rushes into a rotted hole in the facade.
TV Calling - For educational purposes only
SENSE8 101 8.




INT. ABANDONED HOSPITAL - NIGHT

The halls are cankered by age; the walls cracked and seeping
with mold, the ceiling slowly surrendering to gravity.

Another flash of the girl, whispering his name, drawing him
deeper into the facility.

He hears other footsteps and voices and hides in one of the
rooms.

Inside he sees a large crack in the wall that is bright with
light.

He moves toward it, the presence of the girl growing acute.
He leans to the crack and peeks inside.

It is a lab of sorts, clean and well-appointed. He sees the
girl staring at him: she is locked inside a cage.

BLOND GIRL
Help me.

We pan back to Will and now he is an adult, staring through
the crack, his heart in his throat.

We pan to the girl who is now the Angel inside her apartment.

ANGEL
Help me...

She puts the gun in her mouth.

WILL
No!

And pulls the trigger.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller","Mystery"]

Summary In a tense and urgent scene, a young boy named Will runs through the woods at night, searching for a blond girl who keeps appearing and disappearing. She leads him to an abandoned hospital, where Will hides and observes the girl in a cage in a well-appointed lab. Years later, the adult Will finds himself in the same setting, witnessing the blond girl, now an angel, holding a gun and putting it in her mouth. Despite his attempts to help, she pulls the trigger, and adult Will can only shout 'No!' in despair.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Mystery elements
  • Visual storytelling
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue could be more nuanced

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene effectively combines elements of mystery, drama, and tragedy to create a compelling and emotionally resonant moment in the story.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of interconnectedness between characters, the exploration of dreams and reality, and the theme of sacrifice are all well-executed in this scene.

Plot: 9

The plot advances significantly as the audience learns more about the characters and their connections, leading to a pivotal moment in the story.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces unique supernatural elements and explores themes of guilt and redemption in a fresh and engaging way. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and contribute to the overall sense of mystery and suspense.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-developed and their emotional struggles are portrayed effectively, especially Angel and Will.

Character Changes: 9

The characters undergo significant emotional changes, particularly Angel who makes a heartbreaking decision, and Will who experiences a traumatic revelation.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to confront his past and face his fears. The appearance of the Blond Girl triggers memories and emotions that he has been avoiding.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to save the Blond Girl or the Angel from harm. He is driven by a sense of duty and responsibility to help them.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The internal and external conflicts faced by the characters create tension and drive the emotional impact of the scene.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing internal and external challenges that push him to make a difficult decision.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high as Angel's life hangs in the balance and the characters face life-changing decisions and revelations.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by revealing crucial information about the characters and their connections, setting the stage for future developments.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the supernatural elements and the unexpected twist at the end, where the Angel takes her own life.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the themes of redemption and sacrifice. The protagonist must confront his own guilt and make a difficult choice to save the Angel.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 10

The scene is emotionally devastating, with the tragic events and the characters' struggles evoking a strong emotional response from the audience.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is impactful and serves to convey the characters' emotions and motivations, although there could be more depth in certain exchanges.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it creates a sense of mystery and suspense, drawing the reader into the protagonist's internal struggle and the supernatural elements of the world.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and suspense, leading to a dramatic climax.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, building tension and suspense as the protagonist confronts his past and faces a difficult choice.


Critique
  • The scene is confusing and unclear, especially for those who have not seen the previous episode. It is unclear who the characters are, what their motivations are, and what is happening.
  • The scene is too short and does not provide enough context or development for the characters or the story.
  • The dialogue is stilted and unnatural, and does not help to establish the characters or the situation.
  • The scene does not advance the plot or provide any new information, and feels like a filler scene.
Suggestions
  • Add more context and exposition to the scene to help viewers understand who the characters are, what their motivations are, and what is happening.
  • Expand the scene to provide more development for the characters and the story. Add more dialogue and action to help establish the characters and the situation.
  • Revise the dialogue to make it more natural and believable, and to help establish the characters and the situation.
  • Consider cutting the scene if it does not advance the plot or provide any new information.



Scene 3 -  Will's Sensory Overload
INT. WILL'S APARTMENT - NIGHT

WILL wakes from the sound of the gun shot.

His body is slick with sweat. Sensations flood in: the
dampness of the sheet sticking to his limbs, the open window
and the sweet fetid air from of the alley lined by dumpsters
cooked by the summer sun, the pulsing techno drum of a party
going on in the next apartment.

A migraine inserts itself. It bores deeper with every thump
of the base until he feels it is going to burst.

He goes to the bathroom. The light clicks on, searing,
painfully bright. The tap is sweating.
TV Calling -The
Forcoolness ofpurposes
educational the only
metal feels good. He cups water and presses it to his face.

(CONTINUED)
SENSE8 101 9.


CONTINUED:

He takes a handful of Advil.

The dance beat continues to throb. It's really loud. Too
loud.

Back in his bedroom, he is frustrated, struggling as he pulls
on a pair of pants. He grabs his police badge from on top of
his dresser.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller","Mystery"]

Summary Will, the main character, wakes up from a nightmare, drenched in sweat and experiencing a sensory overload. The hot alley smell, loud music, and a migraine with the bass intensify his discomfort. He goes to the bathroom, cools himself with water, takes some Advil, and leaves his apartment with his police badge. The scene takes place at night, inside Will's hot and noisy apartment, with a party going on in the next apartment and an open window letting in the stench from the alley. The main conflict is Will's internal struggle with his sensory overload and the aftermath of his actions in the previous scene. The emotional tone is one of discomfort and distress, as Will grapples with his internal conflict and the guilt from his actions. There is no dialogue in this scene, as Will's actions and internal struggles are the main focus.
Strengths
  • Effective use of sensory details
  • Strong emotional impact
  • Compelling tone and atmosphere
Weaknesses
  • Minimal dialogue may limit character development

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively sets up the tone and mood for the story, drawing the audience in with its intense and suspenseful elements.


Story Content

Concept: 7

The concept of a character experiencing a traumatic event and its aftermath is well-executed, setting the stage for further development.

Plot: 8

The plot advances as the protagonist grapples with the aftermath of a disturbing event, setting up future conflicts and developments.

Originality: 9

The scene is original in its vivid sensory descriptions and the juxtaposition of Will's personal struggles with his professional responsibilities. The dialogue and actions feel authentic and contribute to the overall authenticity of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 7

The protagonist's internal struggles are effectively portrayed, adding depth to the character and setting up potential growth.

Character Changes: 7

The protagonist undergoes internal changes as a result of the traumatic event, setting the stage for potential growth and development.

Internal Goal: 8

Will's internal goal in this scene is to cope with the physical and emotional aftermath of waking up to a gunshot. His actions reflect his need to manage his pain, frustration, and sense of disorientation.

External Goal: 7

Will's external goal is to investigate the gunshot and potentially deal with any related issues as a police officer.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The internal conflict within the protagonist adds tension to the scene, setting up potential external conflicts to come.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create conflict and challenge Will's beliefs and actions, but leaves room for uncertainty and development in future scenes.

High Stakes: 7

The high stakes of the protagonist's emotional turmoil and potential future conflicts add tension and urgency to the scene.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by establishing the protagonist's emotional state and setting up future conflicts and developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because the reader is unsure of how Will will navigate the challenges he faces, both internally and externally. The gunshot adds a layer of mystery and tension to the scene.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

There is a philosophical conflict between Will's duty as a police officer and his personal well-being. The scene challenges his beliefs about justice and his own physical and mental health.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a strong emotional response from the audience, drawing them into the protagonist's turmoil.

Dialogue: 6

The dialogue is minimal but serves its purpose in conveying the protagonist's state of mind and setting the tone for the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense sensory details, relatable internal struggles, and the mystery surrounding the gunshot. The reader is drawn into Will's world and emotions.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and suspense, as well as allowing for moments of introspection and character development. The rhythm of the scene enhances its emotional impact.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is consistent with the expected format for a screenplay, with clear scene headings and descriptions that enhance the visual and emotional impact of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with a focus on Will's internal and external goals, as well as the philosophical conflict he faces. The pacing and formatting are effective in conveying the mood and tension of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear goal or purpose. It's not clear what Will is trying to achieve or what the stakes are.
  • The scene is too reliant on exposition. The dialogue is mostly characters explaining things to each other, and it's hard to stay engaged.
  • The writing is too vague and imprecise. The descriptions are general and don't give us a clear picture of the setting or the characters.
  • The scene is too long and could be shortened without losing any of the important information.
  • The scene doesn't do anything to advance the plot or develop the characters. It feels like a filler scene that could be cut without affecting the overall story.
Suggestions
  • Give Will a clear goal or purpose. What does he want to achieve in this scene?
  • Increase the stakes. What are the consequences of Will failing to achieve his goal?
  • Cut down on the exposition. Let the action and dialogue tell the story.
  • Use more specific and vivid language to create a more immersive experience for the reader.
  • Shorten the scene by cutting out any unnecessary dialogue or action.
  • Consider how this scene fits into the overall story. What is its purpose? Does it advance the plot or develop the characters?



Scene 4 -  Will's Frustration and Riley's Cab Ride
INT. HALL - NIGHT

The sound of the music fills the wooden floored hall. He
finds the door where the party is. He knocks politely.

No one answers. He knocks louder.

WILL
Hello? Hello? I'm a neighbor...

Now he knocks like a cop.

WILL
Hey in there! This is the police!
Open the door!

He tries the handle. It clicks and opens. Will steps inside
and--

INT. HALL APARTMENT - NIGHT

The the room is completely empty. The music rings off into
silence.

He is alone with his throbbing migraine.

INT. HALL - NIGHT

An old man peers at at Will through a cracked door.

WILL
I'm sorry, did you hear music--

The crack shuts.

LONDON

EXT. STREETS - NIGHT

A tall cab black as a hearse leaves a ghost trail of glittering
rain, its wheels whispering secrets.

RILEY: a girl so beautiful she feels more like a work of
imagination then a human being. TVShe sits- with
Calling her hand purposes
For educational outside only
the window feeling the stinging droplets.

(CONTINUED)
SENSE8 101 10.


CONTINUED:

She is listening to music, throbbing dance music, the same
beat Will heard, her earbuds forming an impenetrable auditory
bubble.

Her boyfriend JACKS is conversing feverishly with three friends
crammed into the cab.

He snatches her ear plug letting in a rush of noise.

RILEY
Please, I told you I've got a
headache--

JACKS
I know but you gotta hear this.
Nocker was up Norf at his sist'as--

NOCKER
My sis was cheggers--

JACKS
Big as a lorry--

NOCKER
I'm watchin' the footy, Westham
gettin nobbed by Newcastle when my
nieces--

JACKS
They're young, six and eight--

NOCKER
Little birds come downstairs, climb
onto the couch, totally mum and
cuddle up in me arms. We're close
an all but they've never done nofink
like that 'fore in their lives. We
din't know it yet, but right then,
my sister was at the grocery store
and had started bleeding, somefink
gone higgly with the placenta tearing
or somefink, blood everywhere, they
had to call an ambulance--

JACKS
Her daughters knew, somehow they
knew she was in trouble--

NOCKER
I rocked them, in me arms. Never
done nufink like that neither and
no one said nufink.
TV Calling - For educational purposes only


(CONTINUED)
SENSE8 101 11.


CONTINUED:

RILEY
Your sister?

NOCKER
Fine. Full of beans. Tyke's a
cracker. Like his dad.

JACKS
See, there's all this shit going on
even though we don't know what's
going on--

VEEJAY
Limbic resonance. It is a language
older than our species.

NOCKER
Veej'll cob on all night. All I
know is what I felt with those two
bitty petals in my arms was what I
feel every time I smoke this shit.

VEEJAY
DMT is triggered in the brain in
moments of limbic resonance. It is
a simple molecule present in all
living things. Scientists talk
about it being part of an eco-
biological synaptic network. When
people take it, they see their birth,
their death, worlds beyond this
one. I have watched people talk to
God, to aliens, to past and future
lives. They speak of truth,
connection and transcendence.

JACKS
Meanin' this shit's going to blow
our fuckin' brains out.

MEXICO
Genres: ["Drama","Mystery","Thriller"]

Summary In this scene, Will tries to find the source of the music causing his migraine and enters an empty apartment. He then talks to an old man in the hallway who also heard the music. Meanwhile, in London, Riley listens to the same music with her boyfriend Jacks and their friends in a cab. They discuss Nocker's story about his sister's daughters who sensed their mother's distress while she was in labor. The main conflict is Will's frustration to find the source of the music, while the tone is serious in the hallway and lighthearted in the cab. The scene ends with Will and the old man's conversation and Riley and her friends continuing their conversation in the cab.
Strengths
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Mysterious atmosphere
  • Complex characters
Weaknesses
  • Some scenes may be confusing for viewers who are not familiar with the concept of 'sense8'

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively sets up multiple storylines and creates a tense and mysterious atmosphere. The use of sensory details and dialogue adds depth to the narrative.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of interconnected individuals with psychic abilities is intriguing and sets up a complex web of relationships and conflicts. The scene effectively introduces this concept and leaves the audience wanting to know more.

Plot: 7

The plot is engaging and sets up multiple storylines that intersect in intriguing ways. The scene moves the story forward by introducing new elements and conflicts.

Originality: 9

The scene is original in its exploration of themes of isolation, connection, and consciousness. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging, drawing the reader into a world that is both familiar and strange.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-defined and each has a distinct personality. The dialogue reveals deeper layers to the characters and hints at their motivations and relationships.

Character Changes: 7

Some characters undergo subtle changes in the scene, as they are faced with new challenges and revelations. These changes hint at larger character arcs and development.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to find connection and understanding in a world that feels empty and isolated. He is searching for meaning and purpose in his interactions with others.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to investigate the source of the mysterious music and find out why the apartment is empty. He is driven by curiosity and a desire to uncover the truth.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

There is a high level of conflict in the scene, both internal and external. The characters face challenges and obstacles that drive the narrative forward and create tension.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with obstacles and challenges that test the characters' beliefs and values. The audience is kept on their toes, unsure of how the characters will overcome their struggles.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in the scene, as the characters face life-threatening situations and make important decisions that will impact their future. The audience is invested in the outcome.

Story Forward: 9

The scene effectively moves the story forward by introducing new elements, conflicts, and characters. It sets up future events and keeps the audience engaged.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of its unexpected twists and turns, as well as the philosophical discussions that challenge the audience's expectations and beliefs.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the themes of connection, perception, and reality. The characters discuss the idea of limbic resonance and the effects of DMT on the brain, raising questions about the nature of consciousness and the boundaries between the physical and spiritual worlds.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene has a moderate emotional impact, as the characters face difficult situations and make important decisions. The audience is drawn into the characters' struggles and emotions.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is engaging and reveals important information about the characters and the world they inhabit. It adds depth to the scene and creates tension and intrigue.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its suspenseful atmosphere, compelling characters, and thought-provoking dialogue. The reader is drawn into the mystery and intrigue of the story, eager to uncover the truth behind the characters' actions and motivations.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and suspense, with a balance of action, dialogue, and description that keeps the reader engaged and invested in the characters' journey.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and easy to follow, with proper scene headings, action lines, and dialogue formatting. It adheres to industry standards for screenplay formatting.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear transitions between locations and a focus on character development and conflict.


Critique
  • The scene in the hallway with Will trying to find the source of the music is anticlimactic and lacks tension. The abrupt cut to London and Riley's storyline feels disjointed and confusing.
  • The dialogue in Riley's storyline is overwritten and difficult to follow. The use of slang and jargon may be confusing to readers who are not familiar with the culture.
  • The scene lacks a clear connection to the previous scene. It is unclear how Riley's storyline relates to Will's or the overall plot.
  • The scene feels aimless and lacks a clear purpose. It is unclear what the intended emotional response is for the reader.
  • The use of descriptive language is effective in creating a sense of place, but it can be overwhelming and distracting at times.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more tension to Will's storyline in the hallway. Perhaps he could encounter a dangerous situation or a suspect that he needs to question.
  • Simplify the dialogue in Riley's storyline. Use language that is easy to understand and avoid using too much slang or jargon.
  • Make the connection between the scenes more clear. Consider using a visual or auditory cue to link the scenes together and create a sense of continuity.
  • Give the scene a clear purpose. Determine what the intended emotional response is for the reader and write the scene with that goal in mind.
  • Use descriptive language sparingly. Focus on using language that is necessary to convey the story and create a sense of place, but avoid using language that is unnecessary or distracting.



Scene 5 -  Telenovela Film Set Disrupted by Nun's Plea
INT. CHURCH - MORNING

Bloody and battered, LITO lifts his gun with the focus of a
killer, aiming it at a head as we pull back revealing an older
Priest, praying in the wooden pew.

PADRE
My son...

He rises as Lito trains the gun on his head. Suddenly a
beautiful nun comes rushing intoTVthe church.
Calling - For educational purposes only


(CONTINUED)
SENSE8 101 12.


CONTINUED:

NUN
No Tino, don't do this! I beg of
you! I love you!

LITO
It's too late.

PADRE
Have you come to confess your sins,
my son?

LITO
No, Padre...I've come to blow your
fuckin brains out.

PADRE
What-- I'm sorry, are we going off
script?

From offscreen we hear-

DIRECTOR
Cut!

We cut for the first time in the scene to reveal the telenovela
crew. The director rushes at Lito.

DIRECTOR
Lito, what is going on with you?
Yesterday you are having visions of
suicidal angels and today you can't
remember your lines?

LITO
I'm sorry, really sorry.

The director puts his arm around him.

DIRECTOR
Come on, Litoissimo, level with me.
Are you straight? I mean, off the
drugs?

LITO
Totally clean, I swear it.

The director nods.

DIRECTOR
Okay. Why don't you take five and
we'll set up for the close-up. I
need the line in the close up.
TV Calling - For educational purposes only
SENSE8 101 13.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary Lito, a telenovela actor, is filming a scene where he is about to shoot a priest in a church. However, the entrance of a nun who declares her love for him causes a conflict in Lito's actions. The director, noticing Lito's behavior, confronts him about his drug use, leading to further conflict. The scene is revealed to be a film set, and the director gives Lito a break and plans to set up for a close-up shot.
Strengths
  • Intense atmosphere
  • Well-developed characters
  • Sharp dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Slightly predictable plot progression

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is well-written with a good balance of drama and tension, keeping the audience engaged.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a character confessing sins in a church while holding a gun adds depth and conflict to the scene.

Plot: 7

The plot is intriguing with the unexpected twist of a telenovela set, adding layers to the story.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the theme of redemption and revenge, with unexpected character dynamics and plot twists.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-developed, especially Lito, who shows a complex range of emotions.

Character Changes: 7

Lito shows a change in demeanor from calm to intense, revealing his inner turmoil.

Internal Goal: 8

Lito's internal goal is to confront his past and seek redemption for his sins. His actions reflect his inner turmoil and desire for forgiveness.

External Goal: 7

Lito's external goal is to carry out a violent act of revenge against the priest. This goal reflects the immediate conflict and tension in the scene.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

There is a high level of conflict with Lito holding a gun in a church, creating a sense of danger and suspense.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene adds a layer of complexity and uncertainty, creating suspense and drama.

High Stakes: 9

The high stakes of Lito holding a gun in a church and the potential for violence raise the tension in the scene.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by adding depth to Lito's character and introducing new conflicts.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected twists in the plot and character motivations.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between forgiveness and revenge. Lito's decision to seek redemption or carry out violence challenges his beliefs and values.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes strong emotions from the audience, especially with the confession and threat of violence.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is sharp and impactful, adding to the tension of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its intense conflict, emotional stakes, and unexpected plot developments.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows standard formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene descriptions and character dialogue.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a traditional structure for a dramatic confrontation, building tension and conflict effectively.


Critique
  • The scene's primary focus is on Lito's emotional turmoil, but the transition from the previous scene is abrupt and lacks context. It might be helpful to provide a brief reminder of the previous scene or Lito's recent experiences to help the audience understand his state of mind.
  • The dialogue in the scene is mostly expository, with the director explaining Lito's behavior. While this is necessary to some extent, it could be balanced with more subtle character interactions or subtext to create a more engaging scene.
  • The scene's resolution, where the director tells Lito to take a break, feels anticlimactic. It might be more impactful if Lito had a moment of introspection or interaction with another character that leads to a realization or change in his behavior.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief recap of the previous scene or Lito's recent experiences to provide context for his emotional state.
  • Explore using subtext or non-verbal communication in the scene to convey Lito's emotional turmoil, rather than relying solely on expository dialogue.
  • Experiment with a more dramatic resolution to the scene, such as Lito having a moment of introspection or a meaningful interaction with another character that leads to a change in his behavior.



Scene 6 -  Interrupted Intimacy and Creative Frustrations
INT. TRAILER

Lito paces in his small trailer reading his script. Clearly
he is unable to concentrate.

An erection is throbbing in his tight pants. He squeezes it
then talks to it.

LITO
Fuck. What are you doing to me?
I'm going crazy...

He reaches into a drawer and pulls out a tube of lube. Sitting
down, he pulls his member from his pants, then dials his cell
phone.

Someone answers.

LITO
I need you. Bad.

SAN FRANCISCO

INT. NOMI'S APARTMENT - MORNING

Californian sunshine streams through the milky industrial
windows of the warehouse loft as two figures move with the
gentle rhythm of a sea lapping against the shore.

NOMI and her partner AMANITA lie in a tangle of tattooed limbs,
dreds and stuffed animals.

They kiss as their bodies grind with increasing urgency. An
orgasm begins building in Nomi, Amanita feeling that tipping
point until--

NOMI
FUUUUUuuuuuuuck!

Amanita kisses her, the heat of their bodies pooling in their
sheets like hot wax.

Reaching below, Amanita unbuckles something. A strap-on with
a rainbow colored dildo falls out from the sheets.

Nomi is almost unable to move.

AMANITA
Is that what honey needed?

NOMI
I can't answer that question because
you literally just fucked my brains
TV Calling - For educational purposes only
out.

(CONTINUED)
SENSE8 101 14.


CONTINUED:

Amanita smiles.

NOMI
I'm going to have to live as a post-
coital vegetable for the rest of my
life.

AMANITA
Lucky for me, I'm a vegetarian.

She bites her neck and Nomi smiles just as someone knocks on
their door.

AMANITA
Oh shit. That's got to be them.

NOMI
I don't care who it is...kill them
and come back to bed.

Amanita tears herself away, going to the door but just as she
opens it--

MUMBAI
Genres: ["Drama","Romance","Comedy"]

Summary In this sensual and humorous scene, Lito, a screenwriter, deals with his arousal-induced distraction, while Nomi and Amanita enjoy a post-coital moment in their San Francisco apartment. Lito's personal conflict of focusing on work is heightened by his current state, while Nomi and Amanita's moment is interrupted by a knock on the door. The scene concludes with Amanita leaving Nomi in bed to answer it.
Strengths
  • Strong character dynamics
  • Witty dialogue
  • Sensual and playful tone
Weaknesses
  • Limited plot progression
  • Low external conflict

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively combines sensuality, humor, and character dynamics to create an engaging and memorable moment.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring intimate relationships and sexuality through the interactions between Nomi and Amanita is well-executed.

Plot: 7

While the plot does not significantly advance in this scene, it provides valuable insight into the characters' relationship dynamics.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh and authentic portrayal of sexual desire and exploration, challenging societal norms and expectations.


Character Development

Characters: 9

Nomi and Amanita are well-developed characters with strong chemistry and unique personalities that shine through in their interactions.

Character Changes: 6

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, it deepens the audience's understanding of Nomi and Amanita's relationship.

Internal Goal: 8

Lito's internal goal is to come to terms with his desires and emotions, as well as to find a sense of release or relief from his inner turmoil.

External Goal: 7

Lito's external goal is to connect with someone he desires and seeks comfort from.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 3

There is minimal external conflict in this scene, focusing more on the internal dynamics of the characters.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, as the characters face internal and external obstacles in expressing their desires and emotions.

High Stakes: 2

The stakes are relatively low in this scene, focusing more on personal relationships than external conflicts.

Story Forward: 5

The scene does not significantly move the main plot forward but provides important character development.

Unpredictability: 7

The scene is unpredictable in its explicit and unconventional portrayal of relationships and desires.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict revolves around the characters' desires and societal norms, challenging traditional views on sexuality and relationships.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from passion to humor, creating a strong emotional connection with the audience.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is witty, playful, and reveals the deep connection between Nomi and Amanita.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its provocative dialogue, intimate moments, and the characters' emotional depth.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene enhances its effectiveness by building tension and intimacy gradually, leading to a climactic moment.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to the expected format for its genre, effectively conveying the visual and emotional aspects of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a non-linear structure, transitioning between different locations and characters seamlessly.


Critique
  • The scene in Lito's trailer could benefit from a more subtle approach to convey his arousal, as the current depiction is quite explicit and might not be suitable for all audiences.
  • The transition between the two scenes is abrupt and could be improved by adding a connecting line or two to better link the events.
Suggestions
  • Consider having Lito express his frustration with his script or character, which could lead to his arousal as a way to cope with the stress.
  • Add a line or two to connect the scenes, such as Lito mentioning a meeting with a co-star or director, which could then transition to Nomi and Amanita's scene.



Scene 7 -  Joyful Lockeroom Farewell Song
INT. PHARMACEUTICAL MANUFACTURER - NIGHT

KALA opens the door of the locker room. She looks around.
No one is there.

PADMA
Who is it?

KALA
No one. But I swear I heard someone
knocking.

RAGINI
It's the spirit of Basabi--

PADMA
She doesn't want you marrying her
little Prince--

DEVI
Too late Basabi!

PADMA
Our girl's moving on up!

They all start singing an Indian love song.

DEVI TV Calling - For educational purposes only
Into that big house--

(CONTINUED)
SENSE8 101 15.


CONTINUED:

PADMA
No more nasty white smocks--

DEVI
Silk saris and servants and--

RAGINI
Kala? You're not going to forget
us, are you?

She stares at them hiding a secret she can never share.

KALA
No, never.
Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

Summary In the locker room of a pharmaceutical manufacturer, Kala finds it empty after hearing knocks. Her friends Padma, Ragini, and Devi join her, singing a joyful Indian love song about Kala's upcoming marriage, her promotion, and her moving to a big house. Ragini expresses concern about Kala forgetting them, but Kala reassures them she never will, ending the scene on a positive note.
Strengths
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Character development
  • Humorous tone
Weaknesses
  • Lack of significant plot progression
  • Low conflict level

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 7

The scene effectively balances humor and sentimentality, providing insight into the characters' relationships and emotions.


Story Content

Concept: 7

The concept of female friendship and support is well portrayed, with a touch of humor and underlying tension.

Plot: 6

The plot progresses slightly with Kala's internal conflict hinted at through her interaction with the other characters.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the theme of friendship and personal growth, with unique cultural elements and character dynamics.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-developed through their dialogue and interactions, showcasing their personalities and relationships.

Character Changes: 5

Kala's internal conflict is hinted at, setting the stage for potential character development in future scenes.

Internal Goal: 8

Kala's internal goal in this scene is to keep a secret that she can never share with her friends. This reflects her deeper fear of losing her friends or being judged if they were to find out.

External Goal: 7

Kala's external goal in this scene is to maintain her relationships with her friends as she moves on to a new phase in her life.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 4

There is a mild conflict hinted at through Kala's hidden secret, but it is not the central focus of the scene.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is moderate, with conflicts arising from the characters' differing perspectives and goals.

High Stakes: 3

The stakes are relatively low in this scene, focusing more on character dynamics and relationships.

Story Forward: 5

The scene provides some character insights and hints at future developments, but does not significantly move the main plot forward.

Unpredictability: 6

The scene is somewhat predictable in terms of character interactions and plot progression.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene seems to be between loyalty to friends and personal growth. Kala is torn between moving on to a new life and leaving her friends behind.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The scene evokes a mix of emotions, from humor to nostalgia, adding depth to the characters.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is engaging, witty, and reveals important aspects of the characters' personalities and dynamics.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to the witty dialogue, emotional depth, and relatable character dynamics.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and emotional depth, leading to a satisfying resolution.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 7

The formatting adheres to the expected format for a screenplay, with clear scene descriptions and dialogue.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a coherent structure with clear character interactions and progression.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear purpose and direction. It seems to be a filler scene that does not contribute much to the overall narrative.
  • The dialogue is repetitive and uninformative. The characters' conversation about marriage and moving up in the world does not reveal any new information or advance the plot in any way.
  • The characters are underdeveloped and lack depth. They are more like caricatures than fully realized individuals with their own motivations and goals.
  • The use of Indian love songs in the scene feels forced and out of place. It does not seem to serve any purpose other than to create a sense of exoticism.
  • The scene ends abruptly and unsatisfactorily. It leaves the viewer with no sense of closure or resolution.
Suggestions
  • Give the scene a clear purpose and direction. What do you want to achieve with this scene? How does it contribute to the overall narrative?
  • Revise the dialogue to make it more informative and engaging. Give the characters something meaningful to say that will advance the plot or reveal their inner thoughts and motivations.
  • Develop the characters more fully. Give them their own unique personalities, goals, and motivations. Make them relatable and interesting to the viewer.
  • Use music more effectively. Choose songs that are relevant to the scene and that create the desired atmosphere.
  • Revise the ending of the scene to make it more satisfying. Give the viewer a sense of closure or resolution.



Scene 8 -  A Plea for Love at Ganesha's Temple
INT. GANESHA'S TEMPLE - NIGHT

The beloved, elephant-headed Remover of Obstacles is surrounded
by flowers and burning incense.

Kala slowly approaches the deity bearing her offering of home-
made sweets.

KALA
My Lord Ganesha. I hope you like
this gulgula. I made it especially
for you. I put peanuts on top.

She sets the tray at the base of the statue.

KALA
I also promise to pledge my weight
in bananas for the poor outside.
Of course these gifts come without
any attachments or obligations. I
want to be a good person. I know I
am not important enough to deserve
your attention when there are so
many terrible things wrong in the
world. I can't tell you how bad I
feel even being here because I know
I shouldn't be asking you this; but
I have no one else to turn to.

She takes a quick peek making sure no one is listening beside
Ganesha.

KALA
This weekend I am to marry a very
important man who you probably know,
Rajeev Ragul. He is the son of the
owner of the pharmaceutical company
where I work. TV Calling - For educational purposes only
(more)

(CONTINUED)
SENSE8 101 16.


CONTINUED:

KALA (Cont'd)
He is very smart and very handsome
and all the women at the company
want desperately to marry him but
he never took an interest in
anyone...until me.

She takes a deep breath.

KALA
I have never seen my parents so
full of joy as when they received
his proposal. Maybe you saw my dad
dancing around the house. How could
I possibly disappoint them. I mean,
he is rich and there is absolutely
no reason for me to not want to
marry him except for one simple
fact...

She has not yet said it aloud.

KALA
I do not love him.

The elephant gazes with kind eyes upon her.

KALA
So, you see, I am asking for your
help. Please. Perhaps you can
make me fall in love with him. Or
if that is too much, maybe a small
miracle, like a monsoon to stop
this wedding from happening. Your
humble servant, Kala.

She bows, then walks to the scale where she is weighed amidst
the glow of candles and the swirling clouds of incense.

SEOUL
Genres: ["Drama","Romance"]

Summary Kala, the protagonist, visits Ganesha's temple at night and offers him sweets, promising to donate bananas for the poor. She expresses her internal conflict about marrying Rajeev, whom she does not love, and asks Ganesha for a miracle to stop the wedding. The scene ends with Kala standing on a scale, having poured out her heart to the deity.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Exploration of themes
Weaknesses
  • Potential lack of external conflict
  • Limited interaction with other characters

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively conveys Kala's inner turmoil and conflict through her heartfelt prayer to Ganesha, showcasing her vulnerability and the weight of societal expectations. The emotional depth and thematic richness elevate the scene.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of seeking divine intervention to navigate personal dilemmas is compelling and adds depth to Kala's character. The scene effectively explores the intersection of tradition, duty, and personal desires.

Plot: 7

The plot advances through Kala's emotional journey and her decision to seek help from Ganesha. The scene sets up potential conflicts and resolutions regarding her impending marriage, adding layers to the overall narrative.

Originality: 8

The scene offers a fresh perspective on the theme of duty versus personal happiness, exploring the complexities of cultural expectations and individual desires. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds depth and realism to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 9

Kala's character is well-developed, showcasing her internal conflict, vulnerability, and strength. The scene effectively portrays her emotional depth and complexity, making her a compelling protagonist.

Character Changes: 8

Kala undergoes a significant emotional transformation in the scene, as she confronts her true feelings and seeks guidance from Ganesha. Her decision to pray for help marks a pivotal moment in her character arc.

Internal Goal: 8

Kala's internal goal in this scene is to find a way to reconcile her feelings of obligation to her family and societal expectations with her own desires and emotions. She struggles with the conflict between duty and personal happiness.

External Goal: 7

Kala's external goal is to seek help from Ganesha in either falling in love with her fiancé or stopping the wedding from happening. This reflects the immediate challenge she faces in her impending marriage.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, as Kala struggles with her feelings towards her impending marriage. The tension between duty and personal desire drives the emotional stakes of the scene.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, as Kala faces internal and external obstacles that challenge her beliefs and desires, creating uncertainty and tension for the audience.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are high for Kala, as she grapples with the decision to marry a man she does not love. The outcome of her prayer to Ganesha could have significant consequences for her future and relationships.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by deepening Kala's character development and setting up potential conflicts and resolutions related to her impending marriage. It adds depth to the narrative and sets the stage for future developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected emotional revelations and the protagonist's inner turmoil, which keep the audience guessing about the outcome of her dilemma.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the clash between duty and personal fulfillment. Kala grapples with the expectations placed upon her by society and her family, while also yearning for genuine love and happiness.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes a strong emotional response through Kala's heartfelt prayer and inner turmoil. The audience empathizes with her struggle, creating a poignant and resonant moment.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue effectively conveys Kala's inner thoughts and emotions, providing insight into her character and motivations. The prayer to Ganesha is poignant and heartfelt, adding depth to the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its emotional depth, relatable themes, and the protagonist's internal conflict, which draws the audience into her struggles and desires.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotional depth, allowing the audience to connect with the protagonist's struggles and desires.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene adheres to the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character dialogue that enhance the emotional and thematic elements.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a well-paced and structured format, effectively conveying the protagonist's internal and external goals through dialogue and action.


Critique
  • The scene is well-written and captures the character's inner conflict and desperation. However, it could be improved by adding more visual details and imagery to help the reader visualize the setting and the character's actions.
  • The dialogue is natural and believable, but it could be more concise and focused to keep the reader engaged.
  • The scene could benefit from a stronger sense of urgency and stakes. The character's desire to stop the wedding is understandable, but it would be more compelling if the reader felt a greater sense of the consequences if she fails.
  • The scene could be more effective if it were structured more clearly. The character's thoughts and actions should be organized in a way that builds to a clear climax and resolution.
Suggestions
  • Add more visual details and imagery to help the reader visualize the setting and the character's actions.
  • Concise and focus the dialogue to keep the reader engaged.
  • Increase the sense of urgency and stakes by emphasizing the consequences if the character fails to stop the wedding.
  • Structure the scene more clearly by organizing the character's thoughts and actions in a way that builds to a clear climax and resolution.



Scene 9 -  Sun's Unsettling Workday
INT. SUN'S OFFICE - DAY

Sun is behind her desk working at her computer.

The overwhelming scent of incense is making it hard for her
to breathe.

She opens her door, addressing her assistant.

SUN
Are you burning incense?
TV Calling - For educational purposes only


(CONTINUED)
SENSE8 101 17.


CONTINUED:

ASSISTANT
No, Ms Bak. I have a terrible
allergy to incense.

SUN
Is it bothering your allergy?

ASSISTANT
Is what?

SUN
The incense.

ASSISTANT
I don't smell anything.

SUN
How is that possible--

The phone rings and the assistant answers.

ASSISTANT
Ms. Bak's office. Yes. Yes, I'll
let her know.

She hangs up.

ASSISTANT
That was your brother's assistant.
She said he still wasn't here and
Mr. Han-do had just arrived.

SUN
I'll meet him in the conference
room.
Genres: ["Drama","Mystery"]

Summary Sun is working in her office when she is disturbed by the overpowering smell of incense. After determining that her assistant is not responsible, she learns from her brother's assistant that he has not yet arrived. The scene is serious and professional in tone, with Sun taking action by deciding to meet with Mr. Han-do in the conference room. The conflict of the incense's disruptive presence remains unresolved in this scene.
Strengths
  • Tension building
  • Mystery elements
  • Engaging dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Limited emotional impact
  • Minimal character change

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively builds tension and mystery through Sun's interaction with her assistant and the phone call about her brother. The dialogue is engaging and keeps the audience intrigued.


Story Content

Concept: 7

The concept of Sun trying to uncover the source of the incense while dealing with her assistant and the news about her brother is well executed. It adds depth to Sun's character and the overall storyline.

Plot: 8

The plot thickens as Sun's investigation into the incense leads to more questions about her brother and Mr. Han-do. The scene moves the story forward and keeps the audience engaged.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to a familiar office setting by incorporating elements of mystery and spirituality. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds depth to the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 7

Sun's character is developed further as she shows her determination and curiosity in trying to solve the mystery of the incense. The assistant adds a layer of intrigue with her denial of smelling the incense.

Character Changes: 5

There is minimal character change in the scene, as Sun's determination and curiosity are already established traits. However, the scene does add depth to her character.

Internal Goal: 8

Sun's internal goal in this scene is to maintain control and composure despite the discomfort caused by the incense. This reflects her need for professionalism and her fear of losing control in a challenging situation.

External Goal: 7

Sun's external goal in this scene is to meet Mr. Han-do in the conference room. This reflects the immediate challenge of managing her work responsibilities.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

There is a moderate level of conflict in the scene as Sun tries to uncover the truth about the incense despite her assistant's denial. The phone call about her brother adds another layer of conflict.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is moderate, with the incense and the absence of Sun's brother serving as obstacles for her. The audience is left uncertain about how Sun will navigate these challenges.

High Stakes: 6

While the stakes are not extremely high in this scene, the mystery surrounding the incense and Sun's investigation adds a sense of importance to the events unfolding.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by introducing new elements of mystery and intrigue, especially with the phone call about Sun's brother and Mr. Han-do.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected elements, such as the mysterious incense and the absence of Sun's brother. The audience is left wondering how these factors will impact the story.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between Sun's desire for control and the chaotic elements disrupting her environment, such as the incense and the absence of her brother. This challenges Sun's beliefs about order and control.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The scene evokes a sense of tension and intrigue, but the emotional impact is not as strong as in other scenes with more dramatic events.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is well-crafted and keeps the audience engaged in the scene. It effectively conveys the tension and mystery surrounding Sun's investigation.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the subtle tension and mystery that keeps the audience intrigued. The interactions between Sun and her assistant create a sense of anticipation for future developments.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and maintaining the audience's interest. The dialogue and narrative description flow smoothly, creating a sense of rhythm and momentum.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene adheres to the standard screenplay format for its genre, with clear scene headings and character dialogue.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for a dialogue-driven office scene, with clear character interactions and a progression towards Sun's external goal of meeting Mr. Han-do.


Critique
  • The opening sentence of the scene is a bit dry and technical. While it does provide information about Sun's occupation, it doesn't exactly captivate the reader or provide any insight into her character or the situation.
  • The dialogue between Sun and her assistant is a bit repetitive, unnecessarily using the word 'incense' four times in just a few lines.
  • The assistant's denial of smelling any incense is a bit strange, considering the strong reaction Sun is having to it. It raises questions about the assistant's credibility or the reliability of Sun's senses.
  • The phone call interruption feels a bit abrupt and out of place, breaking the flow of the conversation about the incense.
  • The information about Sun's brother's absence and Mr. Han-do's arrival is delivered in a curt and functional manner, lacking any emotional context or character development.
Suggestions
  • Consider starting the scene with a stronger hook that establishes the character's emotional state or the conflict of the scene more effectively.
  • Vary the language and avoid repeating the same words multiple times to make the dialogue more natural and engaging.
  • Explore the assistant's reaction to the incense further, perhaps hinting at a deeper mystery or revealing something about their character.
  • Smooth out the transition between the conversation and the phone call, perhaps by having Sun react to the ringing or acknowledging the interruption.
  • Expand on the information about Sun's brother and Mr. Han-do's arrival by providing a brief description or hinting at the dynamics between the characters.



Scene 10 -  Tense Meeting with Chinese Developer CEO
INT. BAK INDUSTRIES - DAY

SUN bows several times as she presents YUEN TAN-WU, the CEO
of a large Chinese developer with several gifts.

SUN
(Chinese)
<Welcome, Mr Tan-Wu.>

The older man accepts them coldly.

SUN
You do us a great service with your
presence this morning.

YUEN TAN-WU
Who are you? TV Calling - For educational purposes only


(CONTINUED)
SENSE8 101 18.


CONTINUED:

She reaches to the desk and presents her card.

SUN
I am Sun Bak, Vice President and
Chief Financial Officer.

YUEN TAN-WU
Ahhh, the sister.

She bows.

YUEN TAN-WU
Where's your brother?

SUN
He was... unavoidably detained.
But I am aware of all current
negotiation and will be happy to
walk you through our proposal.

Yuen stares at her.

YUEN TAN-WU
You're a pretty girl but you could
use some surgery.

The comment is so causal it feels like a slap.

YUEN TAN-WU
Your nose is too big and tits are
too small.

She is about to hit him but instead she breathes.

YUEN TAN-WU
Look, I'm an old fashioned man. I
do not believe in this new Korea.
I do not believe women, especially
Korean women belong on a battlefield
or at a business table. I'm here
to close. Women don't close things.
They open them. If your brother
isn't that means your company isn't
ready to work with us.

He says goodbye but as he does, Sun hears the strange bray of
an animal.

A variety of animal barks and pig-like snorts continues until
the door bursts open and JOONG-KI flurries into the room,
texting even as he talks.

TV Calling - For educational purposes only


(CONTINUED)
SENSE8 101 19.


CONTINUED:

JOONG-KI
Tan-Wu you sly old fox. Did I see
you at Min-Ji's? Everyone has been
after that girl. She turned me
down three times. Even if you say
no to this deal, I'm going to beg
you for your secrets.

Joong-Ki scoops him into his arms as the older man grins like
the cat having gobbled the canary.

YUEN TAN-WU
Seasoning is not a secret, my boy.

Joong-Ki laughs.

JOONG-KI
Espresso? I got some gorgeous beans
from Italy. Sun grab us a couple
coffees. Thanks sis.

Sun bows her head.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary Sun Bak, VP and CFO of Bak Industries, welcomes Yuen Tan-Wu, CEO of a Chinese development firm. Yuen dismissively questions Sun about her brother and makes inappropriate comments about her appearance and capabilities. Joong-Ki enters, easing the tension with humor and camaraderie. The scene ends with Joong-Ki asking Sun to get coffee, while Sun maintains her professionalism despite Yuen's chauvinistic attitude.
Strengths
  • Strong character dynamics
  • Tense atmosphere
  • Sharp dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Sexist remarks may be triggering for some audiences

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is well-written with strong dialogue and character dynamics, creating a tense atmosphere that keeps the audience engaged.


Story Content

Concept: 7

The concept of gender inequality and power dynamics in a business setting is effectively portrayed through the interaction between Sun and Yuen Tan-Wu.

Plot: 8

The plot advances as Sun faces challenges in the business negotiation, adding depth to her character and setting up potential conflicts.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to exploring gender dynamics in a corporate setting, with a focus on the protagonist's struggle to assert her authority in the face of sexism. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Sun and Yuen Tan-Wu are well-developed and their interactions reveal their personalities and motivations effectively.

Character Changes: 7

Sun undergoes a subtle transformation as she navigates the sexist remarks and power dynamics, showcasing her resilience and strength.

Internal Goal: 8

Sun's internal goal in this scene is to maintain her composure and professionalism in the face of sexist remarks and challenges to her authority. This reflects her need to prove herself in a male-dominated industry and her desire to succeed despite the obstacles.

External Goal: 7

Sun's external goal is to secure a business deal with Yuen Tan-Wu and convince him that she is capable of handling negotiations on behalf of the company. This reflects the immediate challenge of overcoming gender bias and proving her competence in a male-dominated environment.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between Sun and Yuen Tan-Wu is palpable, creating a high-stakes situation that keeps the audience on edge.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Yuen Tan-Wu's sexist remarks and dismissive attitude presenting a significant obstacle for Sun to overcome in her pursuit of the business deal.

High Stakes: 8

The high stakes of the business negotiation, combined with the gender discrimination faced by Sun, heighten the tension and importance of the scene.

Story Forward: 8

The scene propels the story forward by introducing new challenges for Sun and setting up potential conflicts that will impact future events.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected sexist remarks from Yuen Tan-Wu and the tension that arises from Sun's response to his comments.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the clash between traditional gender roles and modern ideas of equality and empowerment. Yuen Tan-Wu's sexist beliefs challenge Sun's values of equality and professionalism.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from anger to defiance, as Sun faces discrimination and stands her ground.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is sharp, impactful, and drives the scene forward, enhancing the tension and conflict between the characters.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the high stakes, power dynamics, and sharp dialogue that keep the audience invested in Sun's struggle to assert her authority.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and maintains the audience's interest through a series of escalating confrontations and power plays.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for a dialogue-heavy interaction in a screenplay, with clear character names and dialogue cues.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for a dramatic confrontation in a corporate setting, with clear character motivations and escalating tension.


Critique
  • The dialogue is unnatural. Real people don't talk this way.
  • The characters are one-dimensional and uninteresting.
  • The scene is too long and could be shortened without losing any important information.
  • The scene lacks conflict and tension.
  • The scene does not advance the plot in any meaningful way.
  • The scene's purpose is unclear.
Suggestions
  • Revise the dialogue to make it more natural and believable.
  • Develop the characters more fully by giving them more backstory and motivation.
  • Cut unnecessary dialogue and action to make the scene more concise.
  • Add conflict and tension to the scene to make it more engaging.
  • Rewrite the scene so that it advances the plot in a more meaningful way.
  • Consider cutting the scene altogether if it does not serve a clear purpose.



Scene 11 -  Sun's Unsuccessful Attempt to Speak with her Father
INT. BAK INDUSTRIES - OFFICE

Sun returns with espressos. The two men are enjoying
themselves. She serves each of them, then looks for a place
to sit down.

As she starts to sit.

JOONG-KI
We're good here, sis.

Sun eyes them both then bows and takes her leave.

INT. BAK INDUSTRIES - HALL

She walks through the slick modern office. Everyone is busy
on their mobile or their computer but as she walks the
soundscape undulates until she hears the sounds of a Nairobi
slum.

Her elegant heel suddenly steps forward off a plank of wood
and sinks into the fetid mud.

She shrieks. Several people look up from their devices staring
at her.

Trying to ignore them, she hurries to her father's office.
The assistant stops her.

ASSISTANT TV Calling - For educational purposes only
Can I help you, Ms. Bak?

(CONTINUED)
SENSE8 101 20.


CONTINUED:

SUN
I need to talk to my father.

ASSISTANT
I'm sorry but he's out of the office
this morning--

The last word distorts into the cry of a rooster as--
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller","Mystery"]

Summary In this tense and uncomfortable scene, Sun gets espressos for her brother and Joong-Ki, but Joong-Ki declines her offer to sit. As she walks to her father's office, she experiences a sudden change in environment, stepping into mud and hearing sounds from a Nairobi slum. She tries to ignore the stares and continues to her father's office, where the assistant stops her and informs her that he is out. The main conflict in this scene is Sun's desire to talk to her father, which is thwarted when she finds out that he is out of the office. The scene ends with Sun being informed that her father is out of the office and being stopped by the assistant.
Strengths
  • Unique setting
  • Tension-building
  • Character development
Weaknesses
  • Dialogue could be more impactful
  • Emotional depth could be enhanced

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively builds tension and mystery through its unique setting and unexpected events, keeping the audience engaged.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of blending a corporate office environment with surreal elements like hearing sounds from a Nairobi slum adds depth and intrigue to the scene.

Plot: 7

The plot advances as Sun tries to reach her father's office but encounters obstacles and strange occurrences along the way, adding layers to the narrative.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a unique juxtaposition between a modern office environment and the sounds of a Nairobi slum, adding depth and complexity to the narrative. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue enhances the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 7

Sun's character is further developed as she navigates through the challenges presented in the scene, showcasing her determination and resilience.

Character Changes: 7

Sun undergoes a subtle transformation as she confronts obstacles and deals with the disrespectful behavior of the CEO, showcasing her strength and resilience.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to confront her father about something important. This reflects her need for validation, approval, or resolution in her relationship with her father.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to talk to her father, but she faces obstacles such as her father being out of the office and the assistant stopping her. This reflects the immediate challenge she is facing in trying to communicate with her father.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

There is internal conflict within Sun as she faces unexpected challenges and external conflict with the inappropriate behavior of the visiting CEO.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing multiple obstacles in her quest to talk to her father, creating uncertainty and tension for the audience.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are raised as Sun faces professional challenges and personal confrontations, highlighting the importance of her decisions and actions.

Story Forward: 8

The scene propels the story forward by introducing new challenges and deepening the mystery surrounding Sun's character and her family dynamics.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected shift in soundscape and the protagonist's sudden encounter with the Nairobi slum environment.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the clash between the protagonist's privileged, modern world and the harsh reality of the Nairobi slum soundscape. This challenges her beliefs about her own life and privilege.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The scene evokes a sense of unease and curiosity in the audience, but could delve deeper into emotional resonance.

Dialogue: 6

The dialogue serves the purpose of moving the scene forward and revealing character dynamics, but could be more impactful.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the sudden shift in atmosphere, the protagonist's clear goals, and the obstacles she faces in achieving them.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and suspense as the protagonist navigates obstacles and confronts her father.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for a dramatic confrontation in a screenplay, with clear character motivations and obstacles.


Critique
  • The transition from the previous scene to this one is unclear and makes it difficult for the reader to follow the story.
  • Some character names appear in ALL CAPS while others do not, creating inconsistency and making it confusing for the reader to understand who is speaking.
  • The dialogue is unnatural and does not flow smoothly. The use of terms like 'sis' feels forced and informal for a business setting.
  • The sudden change in soundscape and setting is overly dramatic and distracting. It would be more effective to have this transition happen more subtly and gradually.
  • The use of italics for emphasis is excessive and unnecessary. It would be more effective to convey emphasis through dialogue or action.
Suggestions
  • Add a brief transition sentence or paragraph to connect the end of the previous scene with the start of this one.
  • Use consistent formatting for character names throughout the script to avoid confusion.
  • Revise the dialogue to make it more natural and in line with the characters' personalities and the setting.
  • Tone down the sudden change in soundscape and setting by having it happen more gradually over the course of a few lines.
  • Use italics sparingly for emphasis and only when necessary.



Scene 12 -  Capheus' Destiny Revealed
INT. APARTMENT - NAIROBI - DAY

Capheus stares intensely at a rooster inspecting the home of
his GODMOTHER, a follower of the Maasai religion, who sits
cross-legged on a rug watching him.

CAPHEUS
...Now it just sounds like a normal
rooster.

GODMOTHER
And so it is...

The rooster finally flutters out the door.

CAPHEUS
Godmother, am I losing my mind?

GODMOTHER (V.O.)
The things you have been hearing
and seeing, Capheaus, these are
visions. Not dreams. It means you
have been touched by the hand of
God. Ngai sends each of us a
guardian spirit to ward off danger
and carry us away when we die. If
we have lived justly, the spirit
takes us to a place with many cattle
and beautiful pastures. If we
brought evil into the world, the
spirit carries us to a desert, with
no water and no cattle.

She touches his face.

GODMOTHER
It is very rare for Ngai to let
someone see his guardian spirit.
It means you have been chosen for
great things.

CAPHEUS
I drive a bus, godmother.
TV Calling - For educational purposes only


(CONTINUED)
SENSE8 101 21.


CONTINUED:

GODMOTHER
That is what you do, it is not who
you are.

CAPHEUS
Tell that to the rest of the world.

GODMOTHER
The rest of the world is not here,
Capheus. There is only you, and
me, and your guardian spirit.
(beat)
Tell me, again how she appeared to
you.

CAPHEUS
It was the middle of the night.
Olapa was full and bright.
Genres: ["Drama","Fantasy"]

Summary In this scene, Capheus, the main character, visits his godmother's apartment in Nairobi during the day. He has been having visions, including seeing his guardian spirit, which his godmother interprets as a sign that he is chosen for great things. Capheus expresses his doubts and fears, but his godmother reassures him and encourages him to embrace his destiny. The scene features a rooster that appears and disappears, and Capheus' godmother sitting cross-legged on a rug while Capheus stares at the rooster. The tone is comforting, reassuring, and mystical.
Strengths
  • Poignant dialogue
  • Exploration of spiritual themes
  • Character depth and development
Weaknesses
  • Lack of external conflict
  • Limited action or plot progression

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively combines elements of drama and fantasy, creating a mysterious and reflective atmosphere. The dialogue is poignant and thought-provoking, adding depth to the characters and the overall story.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of guardian spirits and the idea of being chosen for greatness are central themes in the scene, providing insight into the spiritual beliefs of the Maasai religion and adding a layer of depth to the protagonist's journey.

Plot: 7

The plot in this scene focuses on Capheus questioning his sanity and worth, while also introducing the concept of guardian spirits and destiny. It sets up important character development and foreshadows future events.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces unique cultural and spiritual elements, offering a fresh perspective on themes of destiny and identity. The dialogue feels authentic and adds depth to the characters.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters, particularly Capheus and his godmother, are well-developed and engaging. Their interactions reveal layers of complexity and internal conflict, adding depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 6

Capheus undergoes a subtle shift in perspective as he grapples with the idea of being chosen for greatness. His interactions with his godmother and the revelation about his guardian spirit hint at a potential transformation in his character.

Internal Goal: 8

Capheus's internal goal in this scene is to understand the visions he has been experiencing and to come to terms with the idea that he may have been chosen for something greater.

External Goal: 7

Capheus's external goal in this scene is to seek reassurance and guidance from his godmother about the visions he has been experiencing.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 5

While there is internal conflict within Capheus as he questions his worth and sanity, the scene is more focused on spiritual and reflective themes rather than external conflict. The conflict serves to drive character development and introspection.

Opposition: 6

The opposition in the scene is not strong, as it mainly revolves around Capheus's internal struggles and doubts.

High Stakes: 4

The stakes in this scene are more internal and spiritual, focusing on Capheus' sense of purpose and destiny. While there is a sense of importance and potential greatness, the immediate stakes are not as high in this particular moment.

Story Forward: 6

While the scene primarily focuses on character development and thematic exploration, it sets the stage for future events and revelations in the story. It provides important context for Capheus' journey and the spiritual elements of the narrative.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected revelation about Capheus's visions and the spiritual guidance provided by his godmother.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the idea of destiny, purpose, and the existence of guardian spirits. It challenges Capheus's beliefs about his own identity and potential.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a sense of hope and inspiration through the exploration of spiritual beliefs and destiny. Capheus' internal struggle and the godmother's guidance add emotional depth to the narrative, resonating with the audience.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is poignant and thought-provoking, reflecting the spiritual and reflective tone of the scene. It effectively conveys the characters' emotions and beliefs, adding depth to the narrative.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the emotional depth, character development, and the sense of mystery and intrigue surrounding Capheus's visions.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by allowing for moments of introspection and emotional resonance.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with proper scene headings and dialogue format.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution.


Critique
  • This scene appears to be a continuation of a conversation from the previous scene, but it's not clear what that conversation was about or what the characters were discussing.
  • The dialogue is a bit repetitive, with Capheus and the Godmother repeating some of the same points over and over again.
  • The scene doesn't really advance the plot or develop the characters in any significant way.
  • The Godmother's explanation of visions and guardian spirits feels a bit too expositional and could be more subtly woven into the dialogue.
  • The scene ends abruptly without a clear resolution or transition to the next scene.
Suggestions
  • Provide some more context for the scene by including a brief summary of the previous conversation.
  • Vary the dialogue by having Capheus and the Godmother discuss different aspects of the visions or explore different perspectives.
  • Add more action or conflict to the scene to make it more dynamic and engaging.
  • Weave the Godmother's explanation of visions and guardian spirits more smoothly into the dialogue by having the characters discuss these concepts in a more natural way.
  • Give the scene a more satisfying conclusion by having the characters come to some kind of resolution or agreement, or by transitioning smoothly to the next scene.



Scene 13 -  Capheus Seeks Answers about a Haunting Vision
INT. SHANTY - NIGHT - FLASHBACK

The moon silvers the room giving it a quality of a nitrate
photograph.

Capheus wipes the brow of his withered mother. She is wasted,
covered in the sores of AIDS.

CAPHEUS (V.O.)
I was trying to cool Mother down.

He dips the rag in a bucket and when he looks up he sees the
Angel looking at him; a faint smile as soft and fragile as a
butterfly wing on her lips.

INT. APARTMENT - NAIROBI - DAY

Godmother has the same kind of smile.

CAPHEUS
She was sitting on the floor...and
she was...blonde.
(beat)
Then she had a gun.
(beat)
And she shot herself.
(beat)
Why would my guardian spirit kill
herself?
(beat)
Maybe you shouldn't answer that.


TV Calling - For educational purposes only


(CONTINUED)
SENSE8 101 22.


CONTINUED:

GODMOTHER
Spirits do not speak in the language
of mortals. They speak in signs,
prophecy and metaphor. To understand
them you must look within, through
the lens of the heart and the mind.

CAPHEUS
So...you're saying don't know what
they mean.

GODMOTHER
I'm saying that their meaning is
for you alone.

Which translated through his eyes means I have no fucking
idea.

BERLIN
Genres: ["Drama","Mystery"]

Summary Capheus recalls a poignant flashback of caring for his ailing mother with AIDS and seeing a blonde woman who later takes her own life. In the present, Capheus consults a 'godmother' figure to decipher the vision's meaning. The 'godmother' imparts that spirits often convey messages through symbols and metaphors, leaving the interpretation up to the individual. The scene is emotionally charged, with the 'godmother's' faint smile reminiscent of the blonde woman's. Capheus ultimately accepts the responsibility to interpret the vision's significance, with the 'godmother' urging him to search inward for answers.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Mystery
  • Character development
Weaknesses
  • Lack of immediate conflict
  • Limited action

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively conveys a sense of mystery and emotional depth through the exploration of Capheus' connection to his guardian spirit, creating intrigue and setting up questions for the audience.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of guardian spirits and their symbolic meaning is intriguing and adds depth to Capheus' character, as well as setting up a mystical element in the story.

Plot: 7

The plot moves forward by revealing more about Capheus' past and his spiritual connection, adding layers to his character and setting up potential conflicts and resolutions.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the supernatural genre by focusing on the emotional and spiritual journey of the protagonist. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds depth and complexity to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 8

Capheus and his godmother are well-developed characters with depth and emotional complexity, adding richness to the scene and the overall story.

Character Changes: 7

Capheus experiences emotional turmoil and confusion regarding his guardian spirit, leading to potential growth and development in his character as he seeks to understand its meaning.

Internal Goal: 8

Capheus' internal goal is to understand the meaning behind the visions of his guardian spirit and find peace in the face of tragedy. This reflects his deeper need for guidance and understanding in a difficult situation.

External Goal: 7

Capheus' external goal is to make sense of the visions and messages he is receiving from his guardian spirit. This reflects the immediate challenge of dealing with supernatural occurrences and finding a sense of purpose or direction.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 5

While there is no direct conflict in the scene, the emotional conflict within Capheus regarding his guardian spirit and its actions creates tension and intrigue.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Capheus facing internal and external challenges that test his beliefs and understanding. The uncertainty of the supernatural elements adds a layer of complexity to the conflict.

High Stakes: 4

While the stakes are not immediately high in this scene, the emotional and spiritual implications of Capheus' guardian spirit add depth and complexity to the story.

Story Forward: 6

The scene provides important background information about Capheus and his spiritual connection, setting up potential conflicts and resolutions in the future.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the supernatural elements and the protagonist's uncertain interpretation of the visions. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of what will happen next.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between the supernatural world of spirits and the mortal world of humans. Capheus struggles to interpret the signs and messages from his guardian spirit, highlighting a clash between belief systems and understanding.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The emotional impact of the scene is high, as it delves into Capheus' past, his relationship with his guardian spirit, and the mysteries surrounding their connection.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue between Capheus and his godmother is reflective and mysterious, adding to the tone of the scene and revealing insights into their relationship and beliefs.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its emotional depth, mysterious atmosphere, and the protagonist's internal struggle. The dialogue and interactions between characters draw the reader in and create a sense of intrigue.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and suspense, allowing for moments of reflection and introspection. The rhythm of the dialogue and narrative descriptions enhances the emotional impact of the scene.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene effectively conveys the dreamlike quality and emotional depth of the characters' experiences. The use of flashbacks and visual descriptions enhances the reader's engagement.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a non-linear structure with flashbacks and dream sequences, adding depth and complexity to the storytelling. The formatting enhances the atmospheric quality of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene is a bit confusing, as it is not clear what is happening. It is not clear what Capheus is trying to do, or what his mother is dying of. The dialogue is also a bit awkward, and it does not flow well.
  • The scene is not very visually interesting. The setting is not described in much detail, and there is not much action. The dialogue is also very static, and it does not do much to move the story forward.
  • The scene does not really fit into the overall narrative. It is not clear how it relates to the rest of the story, and it does not seem to have any real purpose.
  • The scene is a bit too long. It could be shortened by cutting out some of the unnecessary dialogue and action.
Suggestions
  • Start the scene with a clear establishing shot of the setting. This will help the audience to understand where the scene is taking place and what time of day it is.
  • Make it clear what Capheus is trying to do, and what his mother is suffering from.
  • Add some more action to the scene. This will help to make the scene more visually interesting.
  • Make the dialogue more natural and flowing. This will help to make the scene more engaging for the audience.
  • Consider cutting some of the unnecessary dialogue and action. This will help to make the scene more concise and focused.



Scene 14 -  A Migraine Amidst Rivals: Wolfgang's Contemplation at Yuri Hassan's Funeral
EXT. CEMETERY - DAY

A priest delivers a homily during a funeral. It is a large
funeral crowded with the elite crime families of Berlin.

PRIEST
We are born into this world the
same way we shall leave it: alone.

In the back, WOLFGANG, a thief with the melancholic eyes of a
Carravaggio painting, gobbles another handful of ibuprofen.

FELIX
You alright?

Wolfgang nods.

WOLFGANG
Migraine.

Rain pits and pats against Wolfgang's umbrella. The smell of
the fresh dug earth is pungent enough to be distracting.

PRIEST
We know this whenever we turn from
the light of Our Lord. We know
this when the thoughts in our head
cannot be shared, when the sins in
our hearts must be kept. It is by
our secrets we come to know who we
really are and it is by those same
secrets we shall be judged.
TV Calling - For educational purposes only


(CONTINUED)
SENSE8 101 23.


CONTINUED:

STEINER, a rival who has the kind of hooked smile you could
open a beer with, leans towards Wolfgang.

PRIEST
The secrets Yuri Hassan takes to
his grave, we bury with him. Let
us pray that our Father is merciful
and forgives his child Yuri for his
sins and welcomes him home. Let us
Pray.

STEINER
Got myself a few of them secrets.

Wolfgang's friend FELIX leans forward.

FELIX
Your virginity's not a secret.

STEINER
You know your problem? You're petty.
Petty thieves. But not me. I'm
like Grandpa Hassan up there--

FELIX
Cold and pickled?

STEINER
I dream big, like he did. Nothing
petty. Nothing small time. My
next score is gonna be huge.
Legendary. When you hear about it,
your dick's gonna shrivel.

He fades back into the sea of black suits.

FELIX
I'm not sure what'll give me more
pleasure; the money or seeing his
face.

Wolfgang smiles.

Later, the body has been interred. The umbrella's are flowing
to the fleet of black cars. Wolfgang steps up to pay respect
to his uncle SERGAI.

WOLFGANG
I'm sorry, Uncle.

SERGAI
Children are supposed to bury their
parents. It's as GodTVintended.
Calling - For educational purposes only


(CONTINUED)
SENSE8 101 24.


CONTINUED:

SERGAI'S WIFE
If there was someone who didn't
give a rat's ass about God's
intentions, it was that old man.

SERGAI
True. True.

She kisses Wolfgang's cheeks. His Uncle hugs him strong.

SERGAI
Last few days all he talked about
was your father. Saddest day of
his life, the day your father died.
That's what Grandfather told me.

SERGAI'S WIFE
You should go say hello. We'll
wait for you.

SERGAI
Pay your respects. He was your
father.
Genres: ["Drama","Crime"]

Summary At Yuri Hassan's funeral, a priest delivers a solemn eulogy as elite Berlin crime families gather. Wolfgang, a thief suffering from a migraine, receives relief from Felix. Steiner, a rival, subtly hints at hidden secrets, causing undercurrents of tension. Paying respects to his uncle Sergai, Wolfgang is urged to visit his father's grave. Amidst the mourning crowd, Wolfgang finds a moment of solitude, setting the stage for personal contemplation.
Strengths
  • Rich character development
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Emotional depth
Weaknesses
  • Some cliched dialogue

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively sets a somber and reflective tone, introduces intriguing characters and conflicts, and provides depth to the story.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring secrets, sins, and family dynamics within the criminal underworld is engaging and sets up potential for complex character development and conflicts.

Plot: 7

The plot advances through character interactions and revelations, setting up potential conflicts and storylines.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh take on the crime genre by focusing on personal relationships within crime families. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and add depth to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed, with distinct personalities and motivations that drive the scene forward.

Character Changes: 7

Wolfgang shows vulnerability and respect towards his deceased uncle, hinting at potential character growth and development.

Internal Goal: 8

Wolfgang's internal goal is to deal with his migraine and the emotional weight of his uncle's death. This reflects his deeper need for acceptance and belonging within his family.

External Goal: 7

Wolfgang's external goal is to pay respect to his uncle and navigate the dynamics of his family's crime world. This reflects the immediate circumstances and challenges he's facing.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

There is an underlying tension and conflict among the characters, especially between Wolfgang and Steiner, hinting at potential conflicts to come.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting values and goals between characters creating tension and uncertainty.

High Stakes: 7

The high stakes are implied through the criminal underworld setting and the characters' interactions, hinting at potential dangers and conflicts.

Story Forward: 7

The scene sets up potential future conflicts and storylines, moving the narrative forward.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable due to the shifting dynamics between characters and the hints of hidden agendas and secrets.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict is between Wolfgang's more personal, emotional approach to his family and Steiner's ambitious, ruthless mindset. This challenges Wolfgang's values of loyalty and family.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes emotions of sadness, regret, and respect, especially during the funeral setting.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is engaging and reveals insights into the characters' relationships and conflicts.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to the tension between characters, the emotional depth of the funeral setting, and the hints of conflict and intrigue.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotional depth, allowing for character interactions to unfold naturally.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene headings and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a dramatic moment in a crime genre screenplay, with clear character interactions and progression.


Critique
  • The scene is well-written with vivid descriptions and engaging dialogue. However, the transition from the previous scene could be smoother. The last line of the previous scene, 'Which translated through his eyes means I have no fucking idea.', doesn't seem to connect with the first line of this scene, 'A priest delivers a homily during a funeral.'
  • The scene is a bit slow to start and could benefit from a more engaging opening. Consider starting with a more active or dramatic moment to draw the reader in.
  • The dialogue between Steiner and Felix is entertaining, but it feels a bit disconnected from the rest of the scene. It's not clear how this conversation relates to the funeral or Wolfgang's migraine.
  • The scene could benefit from more tension or conflict. While there is some tension between Steiner and Wolfgang, it's not clear what's at stake or why we should care about this conflict.
  • The ending of the scene feels a bit abrupt. It's not clear why Wolfgang's uncle is encouraging him to visit his father's grave or what the significance of this visit might be.
Suggestions
  • Consider starting the scene with Wolfgang's migraine or his reaction to the funeral to create a more engaging opening.
  • Try to find a way to connect the conversation between Steiner and Felix to the rest of the scene. Perhaps they could be discussing Yuri's secrets or the implications of his death.
  • Add more tension or conflict to the scene. For example, you could introduce a rivalry between Wolfgang and Steiner or create a sense of urgency around Wolfgang's visit to his father's grave.
  • Consider adding more description or sensory details to the scene. For example, you could describe the mood of the funeral or the reactions of the other mourners.
  • End the scene with a more dramatic or impactful moment. For example, you could have Wolfgang's uncle reveal a secret about his father or hint at a larger conflict that will be explored in future scenes.



Scene 15 -  Buried Past and Stolen Identity: A Tale of Two Cities
EXT. A CEMETERY

A tombstone engraved with the handsome face of Wolfgang's
father, VIKTOR.

Wolfgang stares, his eyes full of secrets. He pulls out his
penis and urinates on it.

NOMI (V.O.)
There are parts of our lives we all
wish we could bury and be done with.

SAN FRANCISCO

INT. NOMI'S APARTMENT - MORNING

Amanita sets down an antique tray of tea, scones and fresh
made jam, which seems somehow natural despite her tattoos,
dreds and leather mini shorts.

NOMI
But what you are asking me to do is
the kind of illegal that makes even
me nervous.

LOLA and DISNEY, two young SF dykes, sit across from Nomi.
Amanita pours them tea.

TV Calling - For educational purposes only


(CONTINUED)
SENSE8 101 25.


CONTINUED:

NOMI
If I'm going to do something like
this, I'm going to need more than
an envelope full of Benji's.

She tosses the envelope full of hundreds back on the table.
The gentle timpani of tea occupies the silence.

DISNEY
Lo...just tell her the truth.

Lola stares into her tea.

LOLA
When I was eight, my mom caught me
wearing my sister's dress. My dad
took me into the basement and beat
me with his belt. I promised I
wouldn't do it again. I wanted it
to be true, my promise. I even
prayed to Jesus that he would help
me make it true. But it wasn't. I
got into a fight in school and the
teacher saw I was wearing a bra.
That's when I knew I would never go
home again. I was living on the
street and got caught shoplifting.

The next part is the part she doesn't talk about.

LOLA
The cop told me if I sucked him
off, he'd let me go. I guess I was
pretty stupid back then. He threw
me in juvie and told me if I said
anything, he'd make it worse. But
I told the case worker what happened
anyway. Like I said: stupid. And
then...he kept his word.

DISNEY
That's why she can't get her
paperwork changed. That's why we
can't get her passport.

AMANITA
You said your mom's in Canada.

DISNEY
Yeah. She's got cancer. Not doing
so good. So we were going to go up
and take care of her.
TV Calling - For educational purposes only


(CONTINUED)
SENSE8 101 26.


CONTINUED:

NOMI
But I don't get how he got you for
a felony, if it was just shoplifting.

LOLA
He showed up to court with a cut
across his arm. He testified I
assaulted him. His word against
mine.

Nomi shakes her head.

NOMI
Cops.

CHICAGO
Genres: ["Drama","Crime","Thriller"]

Summary The scene is divided into two settings: a cemetery and Nomi's apartment. Wolfgang visits his father's grave, signifying a somber and reflective mood, while the atmosphere in Nomi's apartment is serious and sympathetic. Lola shares her traumatic past involving abuse, assault, and identity issues, which prevent her from obtaining proper documentation. Nomi, initially hesitant, agrees to help Lola with her illegal task if given more resources, showcasing Nomi's empathetic nature. The main conflict lies in Lola's inability to get proper documentation due to her past traumas. The scene ends with Nomi's agreement to help, leaving the resolution open for future events.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth of characters
  • Raw and intense dialogue
  • Exploration of past traumas
Weaknesses
  • Possible heavy subject matter for some audiences

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is powerful and emotionally charged, effectively conveying the pain and struggles of the characters. The raw and intense dialogue adds depth to the storytelling.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of burying secrets and the consequences of past actions is effectively explored through the characters' experiences and interactions.

Plot: 7

The plot progresses through revealing the characters' backstories and current challenges, setting the stage for future developments.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces unique and authentic characters with diverse backgrounds and experiences, offering a fresh perspective on identity, trauma, and social justice.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed and their emotional depth is portrayed convincingly, making them relatable and engaging.

Character Changes: 7

The characters undergo emotional turmoil and introspection, hinting at potential growth and development in future scenes.

Internal Goal: 8

Wolfgang's internal goal in this scene is likely to come to terms with his father's memory and possibly seek closure. His act of urinating on the tombstone may reflect unresolved emotions or a rebellious attitude towards his father.

External Goal: 7

Nomi's external goal is to make a difficult decision that involves illegal activities, which challenges her moral compass and sense of justice.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

There is internal conflict within the characters as they grapple with their past experiences and the injustices they have faced.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, as the characters face internal and external conflicts that challenge their beliefs and values.

High Stakes: 7

The characters are facing personal and emotional challenges that have high stakes for their relationships and future actions.

Story Forward: 7

The scene provides important backstory and emotional depth to the characters, setting the stage for future plot developments.

Unpredictability: 8

The scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected revelations about the characters' pasts and the moral dilemmas they face.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the characters' struggles with identity, trauma, and societal expectations. Lola's story highlights the challenges faced by LGBTQ individuals and the injustices they may encounter.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions from the audience, particularly sadness and empathy for the characters' struggles.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is impactful and reveals the characters' inner turmoil and struggles effectively.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its emotional depth, complex character dynamics, and suspenseful storytelling.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotional resonance, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the characters' stories.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene's formatting adheres to the expected format for its genre, effectively conveying the dialogue and action sequences.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a non-linear structure that effectively transitions between different locations and characters, enhancing the narrative complexity.


Critique
  • The scene in the cemetery is powerful and impactful, but the sudden shift to Nomi's apartment may feel jarring to some readers. Consider adding a transition to smooth out the pacing.
  • The dialogue between Nomi, Lola, and Disney is well-written and poignant, but it might be helpful to provide more context about their relationship and the reason for their meeting. This will help readers better understand the stakes and the emotional weight of the conversation.
  • The visual elements in the scene are strong, but the description of Amanita's outfit seems out of place and unnecessary. Consider focusing on the characters' emotions and expressions instead of their clothing.
  • The theme of burying the past and coming to terms with one's identity is powerful, but it might be helpful to connect it more explicitly to the overall narrative of the story. This will help readers see how the scene fits into the larger context of the story.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a transition between the cemetery scene and Nomi's apartment to smooth out the pacing and provide a more cohesive narrative.
  • Provide more context about Nomi, Lola, and Disney's relationship and the reason for their meeting. This will help readers better understand the emotional weight of the conversation and the stakes of the scene.
  • Focus on the characters' emotions and expressions instead of their clothing. This will help readers connect more deeply with the characters and the story.
  • Connect the theme of burying the past and coming to terms with one's identity more explicitly to the overall narrative of the story. This will help readers see how the scene fits into the larger context of the story and provide a more satisfying reading experience.



Scene 16 -  Tension in a Dangerous Neighborhood
EXT. SOUTH SIDE STREET - DAY

A squad car prowls through one of the more dangerous
neighborhoods in the city.

INT. SQUAD CAR - DAY

DIEGO a handsome latin man is driving. Will is in the
passenger seat.

DIEGO
--Like this time I was walking my
dog and this this guy goes by,
totally innocuous, thin, scraggly
beard, didn't look twice but Butkis
suddenly goes nuts, snapping at
him, barking like crazy. Couple
days later, I see a sex offender
warrant out for the guy.

WILL
There are some things dogs and
animals can sense that we can't.

DIEGO
It should also be noted that Butkis
licks his balls all day and if left
alone will also eat his own shit.

Young men eye the car with predation.

WILL
Every time I come down here I forget
how much you can actually, physically
feel hate.
TV Calling - For educational purposes only


(CONTINUED)
SENSE8 101 27.


CONTINUED:

DIEGO
Gangbangers hate cops. Cops hate
gangbangers. It's natural.

WILL
Natural?

DIEGO
Like dogs hate cats. They're the
enemy.

A pair of eyes follow, targeting them.

DIEGO
And you certainly got plenty of
reason to hate them. After what
they did to your old man, I'd never
forgive something like that.

Will nods, absently assenting.

RADIO
One Adam 12 we have a report of
gunfire--

Will grabs the radio taking the call.

DIEGO
With any luck they'll be a few less
cats in the world.

Diego hits the siren and the car lurches down the street.
Genres: ["Crime","Drama"]

Summary Diego and Will, two cops, drive through a dangerous South Side neighborhood, discussing the hatred between gangbangers and cops. Diego shares a story about his dog sensing danger, and Will reflects on his past and his father's death. The scene is serious and contemplative, with moments of dark humor, and ends with the cops responding to a report of gunfire.
Strengths
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Tense atmosphere
  • Establishing conflict
Weaknesses
  • Limited emotional depth
  • Lack of character development

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively establishes the setting, tone, and conflict, keeping the audience engaged and setting up potential future developments.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of patrolling a dangerous neighborhood and exploring the dynamics between law enforcement and criminals is well-executed.

Plot: 7

The plot progresses as the squad car responds to a report of gunfire, adding suspense and raising the stakes.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh take on the familiar theme of conflict between law enforcement and criminals, with nuanced character interactions and dialogue that feel authentic and original.


Character Development

Characters: 8

Diego and Will are well-defined characters with contrasting perspectives, adding depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 5

There is not a significant character change in this scene, but it sets up potential development for Diego and Will.

Internal Goal: 8

Will's internal goal in this scene is to navigate the complex emotions he feels about his father's past and the current situation he finds himself in. He is struggling with feelings of hate, forgiveness, and duty.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to respond to a report of gunfire and potentially apprehend suspects. This goal reflects the immediate challenges and dangers faced by law enforcement officers in the neighborhood.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between gangbangers and cops, as well as the potential danger indicated by the report of gunfire, creates a high level of tension.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting beliefs and values driving the conflict between the characters and adding layers of complexity to the narrative.

High Stakes: 8

The high stakes are established through the dangerous neighborhood, the conflict between gangbangers and cops, and the report of gunfire.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing conflict, setting the tone, and hinting at potential future events.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in the dialogue and character interactions, keeping the audience on edge.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the inherent hatred and conflict between gangbangers and cops, as well as the personal struggle of forgiveness and duty faced by Will. This challenges Will's beliefs about justice, forgiveness, and duty.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The scene focuses more on tension and suspense than emotional impact, but there is an underlying sense of danger and unease.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue between Diego and Will is engaging, revealing their personalities and setting the tone for the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its tense atmosphere, sharp dialogue, and complex character dynamics that keep the audience invested in the unfolding conflict.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and suspense, with well-timed dialogue exchanges and action beats that keep the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings, dialogue formatting, and action descriptions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution that drive the narrative forward.


Critique
  • The scene is missing a clear purpose and direction. It's unclear what the characters are doing and what they are trying to achieve.
  • The dialogue is mostly exposition, with characters stating facts and repeating information that the audience already knows.
  • The scene is too short and doesn't have enough time to develop the characters or the plot.
  • The characters are one-dimensional and lack depth.
  • The scene is not visually interesting and doesn't make use of the medium to tell the story in a compelling way.
Suggestions
  • Give the scene a clear purpose and direction. What do the characters want to achieve? What is the conflict that they are facing?
  • Develop the dialogue by adding subtext and emotional depth. Let the characters reveal their motivations and feelings through their words.
  • Expand the scene by adding more action and description. Give the audience a sense of the characters' world and the challenges they face.
  • Add depth to the characters by giving them complex motivations and flaws. Make them relatable and sympathetic.
  • Use the visual medium to tell the story in a compelling way. Use camera angles, lighting, and editing to create a sense of atmosphere and tension.



Scene 17 -  Encounter with Danger and Vulnerability
EXT. STREETS - DAY

The squad car howls around a corner and races into an alley.

EXT. ABANDONED BUILDING

Gunshots are heard as Will gets out of the car. Several young
men race away, flipping fences, rounding corners.

Diego and Will head into the building.

INT. ABANONED BUILDING

Inside a sudden quiet presses the breath from them. They
move through the rooms until another gunshot rings out. Diego
takes one route, Will takes another.

Will moves through the graffiti'd rooms until he finds--

A skinny black kid, maybe 15 years old, laying
TV Calling on his stomach,
- For educational purposes only
blood pooling around him.

(CONTINUED)
SENSE8 101 28.


CONTINUED:

He steps inside, moving to help the kid when the kid rolls
over with--

A glock aimed straight at Will.

Sound collapses into a void suddenly filled by--

LONDON

INT. VEEJAY'S APARTMENT

The burst of fire from a lighter as Nocker ignites the DMT
pipe and inhales. His pupils dilate and he collapses.

Moroccan lamps, rich Indian rugs and pots of smoking incense.
Riley feels everything very acutely as she watches Jacks light
up the pipe.

He blinks and wavers. His head bobbles. Tears brim his eyes
as he falls back in a drug fugue.

Riley's heart is racing. She clicks on her Mp3 and dials up
the volume, finding a song from the Antlers.

Jacks crumbles into the menagerie of pillows.

Riley looks at the enormous bodyguard standing like a statue
at the door. When she turns back, Veejay is standing above
her. He sits before her. His smile is beautiful and assuring.

Gently, he plucks her ear buds.

VEEJAY
Are you alright?

She nods.

VEEJAY
You're sweating and...

He touches her wrist.

VEEJAY
Your pulse is racing.

RILEY
I'm fine.

VEEJAY
No, you're scared. But you needn't
be.

His smile is warm. TV Calling - For educational purposes only


(CONTINUED)
SENSE8 101 29.


CONTINUED:

VEEJAY
You are so beautiful. I do not
mean just your physical beauty. I
mean the warmth pouring out of your
heart. I can feel it now even though
you work hard to hide it.

Riley wishes she hadn't come.

VEEJAY
You don't belong with these men.
You know it's true don't you?

She looks at the two men, then back at the kind face of Veejay.

VEEJAY
I used to be like you. Like an
exposed nerve of a broken tooth. I
used anything I could to insulate:
music, books, booze, anything to
keep me separate from the rest of
the world. I felt too sensitive
for this world. So I made armor, I
built barriers and walls and
eventually I felt protected. I
felt safe. But I had also never
felt so completely alone.

His eyes sparkle like black diamonds.

VEEJAY
Then one day a friend gave me a
gift. She took away my armor, she
tore down my walls. Her gift
reminded me what it was like to be
alive.

RILEY
What did she give you?

He shows her the DMT pipe.

VEEJAY
This.

CHICAGO
Genres: ["Crime","Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In this tense scene, Will and Diego respond to gunshots at an abandoned building, where they meet a young kid with a gun. Simultaneously, in London, Riley is with Veejay, who offers her DMT and shares a personal story about his past struggles. The conflict arises when the young kid points the gun at Will, while Veejay's offer of DMT to Riley presents a potential conflict, which is not fully resolved in this scene. The tone is a mix of danger and vulnerability, with limited dialogue between Will and Diego, and a focus on Veejay's personal story in London.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Intense interactions
  • Complex characters
  • Exploration of vulnerability and sensitivity
Weaknesses
  • Possible pacing issues in transitioning between different storylines

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly engaging, with a strong emotional impact and intense moments that keep the audience on edge. The exploration of vulnerability and isolation adds depth to the characters and the overall story.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of sensitivity and the search for connection is well-developed and drives the emotional core of the scene. The exploration of inner turmoil and the need for protection adds layers to the characters and their motivations.

Plot: 8

The plot is driven by the characters' emotional journeys and the intense interactions between them. The search for connection and the exploration of vulnerability create tension and suspense, moving the story forward in a compelling way.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces fresh situations and characters, such as the drug use and philosophical conversation between Veejay and Riley. The dialogue feels authentic and adds depth to the characters.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are complex and multi-dimensional, each grappling with their own inner struggles and vulnerabilities. Their interactions reveal layers of emotion and depth, adding richness to the scene.

Character Changes: 8

The characters undergo significant emotional changes and growth in the scene, particularly in their interactions with each other. Their vulnerabilities and struggles are laid bare, leading to moments of connection and understanding.

Internal Goal: 8

Will's internal goal is to navigate the dangerous situation and protect himself from harm. This reflects his fear of being in dangerous situations and his desire to survive.

External Goal: 7

Will's external goal is to apprehend the criminals and solve the crime. This reflects the immediate challenge he faces in his job as a police officer.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, as the characters grapple with their vulnerabilities and the need for connection. The tension and suspense are heightened by the characters' emotional struggles and the intense interactions between them.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with characters facing difficult challenges and unexpected threats. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how the characters will overcome these obstacles.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in the scene as the characters confront their inner demons and vulnerabilities, seeking connection and understanding in a harsh and unforgiving world. The emotional intensity and suspense raise the stakes for the characters.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by deepening the characters' emotional arcs and relationships. The intense interactions and revelations drive the plot towards greater emotional depth and complexity.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists and turns, such as the sudden threat to Will's safety and the philosophical conversation between Veejay and Riley.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict is between Veejay's perspective on vulnerability and connection versus Riley's desire to protect herself and stay separate from the world. This challenges Riley's beliefs about self-protection and isolation.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, drawing the audience into the characters' inner turmoil and struggles. The intense and emotional interactions between the characters evoke empathy and connection, resonating with the audience.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is impactful and reveals the characters' inner thoughts and emotions effectively. It enhances the tension and emotional depth of the scene, driving the interactions between the characters.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the high stakes, tension, and character development. The dialogue and action keep the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the characters' fates.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings and character actions. The dialogue is formatted correctly and enhances the character development.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear transitions between locations and characters. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the tension and suspense.


Critique
  • The scene begins with a lot of action, which is good for keeping the reader engaged. However, the action is not very clear. It's not clear who is shooting whom, and why.
  • The dialogue is not very natural. It feels like the characters are just talking to each other to provide exposition, rather than actually having a conversation.
  • The scene ends abruptly, with Riley suddenly finding herself in London. This is confusing for the reader, and it's not clear how she got there.
  • The scene doesn't really add anything to the story. It's just a bunch of action and exposition that doesn't really move the plot forward.
Suggestions
  • Start the scene with a clearer description of the setting and the characters involved.
  • Make the action more clear and easy to follow.
  • Write the dialogue more naturally, so that it sounds like the characters are actually talking to each other.
  • Add some more context to the scene, so that it's clear why the characters are doing what they're doing.
  • End the scene with a stronger hook, so that the reader is left wanting more.



Scene 18 -  Heroic Rescue in an Abandoned Building
INT. ABANDONED BUILDING - DAY

Will stares at the barrel of the gun trying to control his
fear. The boy lowers the gun.

BOY TV Calling - For educational purposes only
Help me...

(CONTINUED)
SENSE8 101 30.


CONTINUED:

Blood is gushing from his gut. Will stares at him for a
moment, unsure of what he is supposed to do.

BOY
Please...

Will can't just let him die. He bends to his knee and begins
working to stop the bleeding when Diego rushes into the room.

DIEGO
What happened?

WILL
Gunshot wound. Looks like a hollow
point. Get an ambulance.

DIEGO
What?

WILL
You heard me.

DIEGO
What you think this is? TV? Ain't
no ambulance coming to Chiraq for a
gunshot. Not fast enough to make a
difference, anyway.

Will looks at the kid who becomes very afraid. He then pulls
off his vest and rips open his shirt.

DIEGO
The fuck you doin' Gorski?

He uses the shirt to staunch the blood.

WILL
What's your name, kid?

DESHAWN
Deshawn.

WILL
I'm Will. You need to press this
as hard as you can.

He lifts the boy into his arms.

WILL
You're driving.

DIEGO
Are you kidding me? TV Calling - For educational purposes only


(CONTINUED)
SENSE8 101 31.


CONTINUED:

WILL
I know you, Diego. You don't want
to stand there and let this kid die
either.

DIEGO
That's what he'd do if it you or
me.

Will isn't going to argue; he rushes out the room.

DIEGO
Goddamnit!
Genres: ["Drama","Crime","Action"]

Summary In an abandoned building, Will, a caring and determined individual, takes charge when Deshawn, a young boy, is shot. Despite Diego's refusal to call an ambulance, Will uses his own shirt to stop the bleeding and lifts Deshawn into his arms, instructing Diego to drive. The scene is tense and urgent, with a sense of danger and urgency.
Strengths
  • Intense atmosphere
  • Realistic portrayal of moral dilemma
  • Strong character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Limited exploration of secondary characters
  • Slightly predictable outcome

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly engaging, intense, and emotionally charged, showcasing the characters' moral compass and the harsh realities of their environment.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of making a life-saving decision in a high-stakes situation is compelling and drives the tension in the scene.

Plot: 9

The plot is gripping, with a clear conflict and high stakes as Will and Diego navigate the dangerous situation to save the boy's life.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh approach to the theme of saving a life in a dangerous setting. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and add to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters of Will and Diego are well-developed, showing their contrasting approaches to the situation and their underlying moral values.

Character Changes: 7

Will experiences a moral dilemma and takes action to save the boy, showcasing a change in his character as he prioritizes human life over protocol.

Internal Goal: 8

Will's internal goal is to overcome his fear and help save the boy's life. This reflects his deeper desire to do the right thing and make a positive impact, despite the dangerous circumstances.

External Goal: 7

Will's external goal is to get the boy medical help and save his life. This reflects the immediate challenge of dealing with a gunshot wound in a dangerous neighborhood.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is intense, both internally for the characters and externally in the life-threatening situation they face.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Diego's reluctance to help and the limited resources adding to the tension and conflict. The audience is left uncertain of the outcome.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high as the characters must make a life-or-death decision in a dangerous setting, adding tension and urgency to the scene.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by highlighting the challenges and moral complexities the characters face in their environment.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected turn of events and the characters' conflicting reactions to the situation. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how the scene will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between the value of human life and the harsh reality of limited resources and violence. Will's belief in saving the boy clashes with Diego's resignation to the situation.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions of fear, compassion, and urgency, drawing the audience into the characters' dilemma.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is realistic and serves to enhance the tension and urgency of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its high stakes, intense emotions, and fast-paced action. The audience is drawn into the characters' struggle to save a life.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a balance of action, dialogue, and description. It keeps the audience engaged and maintains a sense of urgency throughout.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings and dialogue formatting. It is easy to follow and engaging.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with well-paced action and dialogue. It effectively builds tension and conveys the urgency of the situation.


Critique
  • The dialogue is a bit awkward and unnatural. For example, when Diego says "What you think this is? TV?", it doesn't sound like something a real person would say.
  • The scene is a bit too long and drawn out. It could be shortened by cutting out some of the unnecessary dialogue and action.
  • The ending of the scene is a bit abrupt. It would be more effective if Will and Diego had a brief conversation about what happened before rushing out of the room.
Suggestions
  • Try to make the dialogue more natural and realistic.
  • Cut out some of the unnecessary dialogue and action to make the scene more concise.
  • Add a brief conversation between Will and Diego at the end of the scene to give it a more satisfying conclusion.



Scene 19 -  Rush Through the Past: A Squad Car Scene
EXT. CHICAGO STREETS

The squad car blares down the street, weaving through the
slowing traffic, siren flashing.

INT. SQUAD CAR

Will holds Deshawn in the back seat, helping him try to stop
the blood.

DESHAWN
First time in the back seat, Will?

Will smiles.

WILL
Been here more times than I care to
admit.

INT. OLDER SQUAD CAR - FLASHBACK

Will is thirteen years old and his father sergeant Gorski
handcuffs him to the bar in the back seat.

GORSKI
You are going to sit here and think
about the consequences of what you
did.

He shakes his head.

GORSKI
I should send you back to your
mother.

WILL
Do it! I don't care!

Gorski slams the door. Will watches him -head
TV Calling into the store
For educational purposes only
that he just got caught shoplifting in.

(CONTINUED)
SENSE8 101 32.


CONTINUED:

He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a sewing needle. A
moment later the handcuff ratchets off.

Gorski turns just in time to watch his son shoot out of the
car and race around the corner.

GORSKI
Sunofabitch.
Genres: ["Crime","Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In this tense and reflective scene, Will drives a squad car through Chicago streets with Deshawn in the back seat, bleeding. While trying to help Deshawn, Will recalls a past incident when his father, sergeant Gorski, handcuffed him in a squad car for shoplifting. Young Will, however, managed to escape using a sewing needle. The scene highlights the immediate conflict of Deshawn's injury and the need for help, while also showcasing a past conflict between young Will and his father. The dialogue between Will and Deshawn reveals Will's past experiences in the back seat, while the flashback shows an argument between young Will and his father about the consequences of Will's actions. The scene ends with Will and Deshawn still in the moving squad car, with Deshawn's injury yet to be addressed.
Strengths
  • Intense action
  • Emotional depth
  • Flashback sequences
  • Character development
Weaknesses
  • Possible need for more clarity in transitions between past and present

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively combines intense action with emotional depth, providing insight into the protagonist's past and present struggles. The use of flashbacks adds layers to the character and increases tension.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring the protagonist's past through flashbacks while dealing with a high-stakes situation in the present is engaging and adds depth to the character.

Plot: 8

The plot is driven by the life-threatening situation in the present and the protagonist's past experiences, creating a sense of urgency and emotional resonance.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the father-son dynamic and the protagonist's struggle with authority figures. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-developed, with the protagonist's rebellious nature and strained relationship with authority figures adding complexity. The emotional depth of the characters is highlighted through their actions and dialogue.

Character Changes: 7

The protagonist undergoes a subtle change as he reflects on his past and deals with the present situation, showing growth and resilience.

Internal Goal: 8

Will's internal goal in this scene is to save Deshawn's life and confront his past trauma with his father. This reflects his need for redemption and resolution of his past.

External Goal: 7

Will's external goal is to get Deshawn to safety and evade the police. This reflects the immediate circumstances and challenges they're facing.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is high, with the characters facing a life-threatening situation and dealing with past trauma and strained relationships.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing challenges from both external forces (police) and internal conflicts (trauma with his father). The audience is unsure of how the situation will unfold.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high as the characters face a life-threatening situation and confront past trauma, adding tension and urgency to the scene.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by revealing important aspects of the protagonist's past and present challenges, setting the stage for future developments.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected actions and decisions made by the characters, keeping the audience on edge.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between authority and rebellion, as shown through Will's defiance towards his father and the police. This challenges his beliefs about justice and control.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene has a high emotional impact, with the protagonist's past trauma and present challenges evoking strong emotions in the audience.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue effectively conveys the tension and emotional depth of the scene, with moments of reflection and resentment adding layers to the characters.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense action, emotional conflict, and character development. The audience is drawn into the protagonist's struggles and motivations.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, building tension and emotional depth through the use of flashbacks and intense action sequences.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and follows the expected format for its genre, enhancing readability and visual storytelling.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a non-linear structure with flashbacks, adding depth to the narrative and character development.


Critique
  • The flashback scene is unnecessary and does not add anything to the story.
  • The dialogue is too on the nose and does not feel natural.
  • The scene is too short and does not give the audience enough time to connect with the characters or the situation.
Suggestions
  • Cut the flashback scene.
  • Rewrite the dialogue to make it more natural and less expositional.
  • Add more detail to the scene to make it more engaging and give the audience more time to connect with the characters and the situation.



Scene 20 -  Past Hurts and Obsessions: A Tale of Two Conversations
INT. SQUAD CAR

Deshawn puts his hand over Will's, the pain suddenly acute.

DESHAWN
You some kind a gansta cop?

WILL
Old man was police. Had my share
of teen age rebellion, I guess.

Blood seeps out around their conjoined fingers.

DESHAWN
...never met my dad. He was shot
before I was born.

BERLIN

EXT. MANSION - NIGHT

An old Audi waits merged with the dark pools of shadow across
the street from a large mansion.

INT. AUDI - NIGHT

Inside the car, Wolfgang and Felix sit. Felix lights a
cigarette.

FELIX
At the funeral, after you left,
Sergai started blowing on about
your dad. I never seen a dead guy
get such a fellating. Told everyone
there wasn't a better boxman in the
world then your dad. Now or ever.

WOLFGANG
Probably right.

FELIX
Said the only reason he got caught
was because he was obsessed with
trying to crack an S&P
TV safe.
Calling - For educational purposes only


(CONTINUED)
SENSE8 101 33.


CONTINUED:

Wolfgang nods.

FELIX
Said they're uncrackable.

He checks to see if there is any reaction but Wolfgang is
silent as stone.

FELIX
Said your father was an idiot for
trying.

Wolfgang sips his coffee.

FELIX
You know I brought a drill. There
is no shame in drilling.

WOLFGANG
If we drill then Steiner knows it
was us.

A large Mercedes glides out of the mansion gate. Wolfgang
starts the car.

WOLFGANG
Here we go.
Genres: ["Crime","Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In a squad car, Deshawn and Will discuss their pasts, with Will revealing his father was a police officer and Deshawn sharing that his father was shot before he was born. Meanwhile, Wolfgang and Felix sit outside a mansion, discussing Wolfgang's father's obsession with cracking a safe. The scene is contemplative and tense, with moments of sadness and frustration, and ends with Wolfgang following a Mercedes that leaves the mansion gate.
Strengths
  • Complex characters
  • Intriguing plot twists
  • High emotional impact
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue may be overly expository

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is gripping and intense, with a strong focus on character dynamics and unfolding mysteries.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of family legacies, criminal activities, and personal vendettas is well-developed and drives the narrative forward.

Plot: 8

The plot thickens with revelations about the characters' pasts and their current motivations, adding layers of complexity to the story.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces fresh perspectives on familiar themes of crime and family legacy. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and true to their motivations.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are multi-dimensional, with hidden depths and conflicting loyalties that add tension to the scene.

Character Changes: 7

Several characters undergo subtle changes in their beliefs and motivations, setting the stage for future developments.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to come to terms with their past and their family history. Both Deshawn and Wolfgang are grappling with the legacy of their fathers and the impact it has had on their lives.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to successfully carry out a heist or criminal activity. Wolfgang is focused on cracking a safe and avoiding detection by the authorities.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The scene is filled with internal and external conflicts, driving the characters to make difficult decisions and revealing their true nature.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with characters facing difficult choices and conflicting motivations.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are raised as characters confront their pasts, make risky decisions, and face the consequences of their actions.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward by introducing new conflicts, deepening character relationships, and setting up future plot twists.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists and turns in the characters' interactions and motivations.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the idea of family legacy and the choices we make in life. Deshawn and Wolfgang are both dealing with the consequences of their fathers' actions and how it has shaped their own paths.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The emotional stakes are high, with characters facing personal dilemmas and moral quandaries that resonate with the audience.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is sharp and revealing, providing insight into the characters' true intentions and emotions.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense dialogue, suspenseful atmosphere, and complex character dynamics.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and suspense gradually, keeping the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene descriptions and character dialogue.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a crime thriller genre, with a focus on building tension and suspense.


Critique
  • The dialogue between Will and Deshawn is a bit forced and unnatural. It feels like they are trying too hard to be cool and tough, rather than having a real conversation.
  • The flashback to Will's childhood is unnecessary and doesn't add anything to the scene. It would be better to focus on the present moment and the relationship between Will and Deshawn.
  • The scene in Berlin is too short and doesn't really add anything to the story. It would be better to cut it out or expand it into a полноценная сцена.
  • The scene ends abruptly without any resolution. It would be better to give the scene a more satisfying conclusion, such as having Will and Deshawn arrive at the hospital or having Wolfgang and Felix follow the Mercedes.
Suggestions
  • Rewrite the dialogue between Will and Deshawn to make it more natural and realistic.
  • Cut out the flashback to Will's childhood.
  • Expand the scene in Berlin to include more information about Wolfgang and Felix's plan.
  • Give the scene a more satisfying conclusion.



Scene 21 -  A Successful Heist and a New Identity: Wolfgang, Nomi, and Lola Achieve Their Goals
INT. MANSION - NIGHT

The lock on the front door clicks and two shadows slip inside.
The alarm warning begins to beep. Wolfgang uses a circuit
loop to neutralize it with the ease of typing a code.

Felix checks his watch and sets a two hour countdown.

In an old wood-paneled den, Wolfgang slides open a cabinet
revealing a large wall safe.

Above the dial is the proud logo of the uncrackable safe:
S&P.

We see the same look in Wolfgang's eyes as when he pissed on
his father's tomb.

SAN FRANCISCO

INT. NOMI'S APARTMENT - MORNING

Several espressos later, Nomi is at her computer, stroking
keys with the ease of Sampras stroking tennis balls. She has
built her own network with enough server power to host itunes.
TV Calling - For educational purposes only


(CONTINUED)
SENSE8 101 34.


CONTINUED:

Wearing ear-phones, she uses the blasting music to help her
stay focused.

Disney, Lola and Amanita sit listening to the clicking of her
keys.

DISNEY
This is so perfect. We wanted it
to be on Pride.

LOLA
You guys riding this year?

AMANITA
Our ancestors fought hard for our
right to wear ass-less chaps. I'm
not about to let them down.

LOLA
Will Nomi write about it? I really
love her blog.

DISNEY
Yeah, there's so much cynicism and
negativity out there but not from
her.

AMANITA
My girl's motto-

She gestures to the tattoo on Nomi's arm: "Pessimism is for
Quitters."

Nomi pulls her earphones off.

NOMI
Okay. I think I got it all. Karl
Steimann is one key stroke from the
void. I can't undo it once it's
done.

Lola smiles, unable to believe it, nodding. Nomi hits the
return.

NOMI
And so we bid adieu to Karl and all
of his troubles while we say Happy
Birthday Lola Grey.

LOLA
Oh my god, I can't believe it?
There's now no trace of me as him?
TV Calling - For educational purposes only


(CONTINUED)
SENSE8 101 35.


CONTINUED:

NOMI
Consider yourself digitally post-
op.

LOLA
I don't know how to thank you.

NOMI
One day I might need a favor.

LOLA
Anything!

She squeals and hugs her. The studs in her lip rub against
Nomi's cheek. Nomi can smell her perfume. Another squeal
feels like sandpaper against her ear drum.

Tears sparkle Lola's eyes.

DISNEY
Mom will be so happy to see you.

Disney puts her arms around her.

CHICAGO
Genres: ["Crime","Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In this scene, Wolfgang and Felix break into a safe in a mansion while Nomi helps Lola erase her digital presence in San Francisco. The group is focused and determined as they work, but celebratory and joyful as they achieve their goals. Lola is thrilled with the result and hugs Nomi, expressing gratitude for her help. The scene ends on a positive note, with Disney mentioning that their mom will be happy to see Lola's new identity.
Strengths
  • Engaging plot
  • Dynamic characters
  • Innovative concept
  • Emotional depth
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development
  • Some cliched dialogue

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively blends tension, emotion, and suspense while highlighting themes of empowerment and friendship. The heist and digital liberation elements create an engaging and dynamic storyline.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of combining a heist with digital liberation is innovative and adds depth to the scene. The use of technology and hacking skills enhances the plot and creates a unique narrative.

Plot: 8

The plot is well-developed, with the heist and digital liberation elements intertwining seamlessly. The scene moves the story forward and sets up future conflicts and resolutions.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces fresh elements of technology and hacking into the narrative, offering a unique perspective on identity, friendship, and trust. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging, contributing to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 7

The characters show support and camaraderie, adding depth to the scene. Nomi's hacking skills and Lola's vulnerability create a compelling dynamic.

Character Changes: 6

Lola experiences a digital transformation, moving from a vulnerable position to a place of empowerment. Nomi's role as a supportive friend showcases her growth and loyalty.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to successfully complete a digital operation, showcasing her expertise and skill in hacking and technology. This reflects her desire for control, mastery, and the satisfaction of achieving a challenging task.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to help her friend by removing any trace of her online presence as someone else. This reflects the immediate challenge of protecting her friend's identity and reputation.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict between the characters' past struggles and their current empowerment adds tension to the scene. The heist and digital liberation tasks create external conflicts that drive the plot forward.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with characters facing ethical dilemmas, conflicting motivations, and the consequences of their actions. The audience is left unsure of how the characters will navigate these challenges and what the ultimate outcome will be.

High Stakes: 8

The high stakes of the heist and digital liberation tasks create tension and urgency. The characters' actions have significant consequences, adding depth to the scene.

Story Forward: 8

The scene advances the plot by resolving the digital liberation task and setting up future conflicts. The heist adds intrigue and sets the stage for upcoming events.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the characters' conflicting motivations and the unexpected twists in the plot. The audience is kept on their toes as they navigate the ethical dilemmas and consequences of the characters' actions.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the themes of identity, trust, and loyalty. The characters navigate the ethical implications of digital manipulation and the consequences of their actions on others.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The emotional impact of Lola's gratitude and Nomi's support resonates with the audience. The scene balances tension with moments of vulnerability and connection.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is engaging and reveals the characters' personalities and relationships. The conversations feel natural and contribute to the scene's tone and themes.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its blend of action, humor, and emotional depth. The characters' interactions and the high-stakes situation create a sense of urgency and intrigue that keeps the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and suspense, with well-timed reveals and character interactions. The rhythm of the scene keeps the audience engaged and invested in the outcome.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings, action lines, and dialogue formatting. The visual descriptions and character interactions are effectively conveyed through the formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with well-defined beats and transitions between locations and characters. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness in building tension and suspense.


Critique
  • This scene lacks a clear conflict or tension, making it difficult for the reader to engage with the story.
  • The dialogue is mostly exposition and does not do much to develop the characters or advance the plot.
  • The writing style is too technical and focused on explaining the process of hacking the safe, leaving little room for emotional connection or suspense.
  • The transition from the previous scene to this one is abrupt and confusing, as it is unclear why Wolfgang and Felix are now in a mansion.
  • The ending of the scene fails to provide a sense of closure or resolution, leaving the reader hanging and unfulfilled.
Suggestions
  • Introduce a conflict or tension between Wolfgang and Felix, or between them and the owners of the mansion.
  • Use the dialogue to reveal more about the characters' motivations and goals.
  • Simplify the writing style and focus on creating a sense of suspense and excitement.
  • Provide a clearer transition from the previous scene to establish the setting and context of this scene.
  • End the scene with a stronger sense of closure, either by resolving the conflict or providing a cliffhanger that leaves the reader eager for more.



Scene 22 -  Deshawn's Reflections on Life and Death
EXT. STREET - DAY

The car squeals around a corner.

INT. SQUAD CAR

Diego winds the wheel between flashing hands.

DIEGO
Almost there.

The shirt is soaked. Deshawn's eyes are glassy.

DESHAWN
...It's cold.

Will tries to wrap him in his vest.

DESHAWN
My moms believes in heaven and hell.
She said the devil was going to
come for me when I died. You believe
in any of that shit?

WILL
No.
TV Calling - For educational purposes only


(CONTINUED)
SENSE8 101 36.


CONTINUED:

DESHAWN
Yeah...

There is the fear of uncertainty in his voice when he says
it.

DESHAWN
I seen a lot of kills. I got more
friends dead then I got alive.

The cold spreads through his body.

DESHAWN
If there is a hell, can't be any
worse than Englewood.
Genres: ["Crime","Drama"]

Summary In this somber and urgent scene, Deshawn, injured and shivering in the back of a police car driven by Diego, contemplates the possibility of an afterlife. Will tries to comfort him by sharing his disbelief in the afterlife and giving him his vest to keep warm. As they drive down a street in the daytime, Deshawn shares his beliefs about heaven and hell and his experiences with violence, ending with his belief that there cannot be a hell worse than Englewood, where he has experienced so much loss.
Strengths
  • Realistic portrayal of a dangerous neighborhood
  • Emotional depth of characters
  • Tense atmosphere
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development within the scene

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively conveys a sense of tension and despair, drawing the audience into the harsh realities faced by the characters. The emotional depth and rawness of the dialogue and situations elevate the impact of the scene.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring the bleak and dangerous environment of Englewood, along with the characters' personal struggles and fears, is compelling and well-executed.

Plot: 7

The plot focuses on the immediate conflict of trying to save Deshawn's life in a dire situation, adding urgency and intensity to the scene.

Originality: 8

The scene is original in its portrayal of the characters' struggles with belief, fear, and uncertainty. The dialogue feels authentic and raw, adding to the realism of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-developed, each with their own struggles and vulnerabilities that add depth to the scene. Deshawn's fear and resignation, along with Will's determination to save him, create a compelling dynamic.

Character Changes: 7

While there is not a significant character arc within this scene, the experience of facing mortality and fear may lead to internal changes for the characters in future scenes.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to comfort Deshawn and navigate the emotional turmoil of the situation. This reflects his deeper desire to protect and help others, as well as his fear of losing someone under his care.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to get Deshawn to safety and potentially save his life. This reflects the immediate challenge of dealing with a wounded individual in a dangerous environment.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict of trying to save Deshawn's life in a dangerous environment with limited resources creates a high-stakes situation that keeps the audience engaged.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Deshawn's uncertain condition and the danger of the environment creating obstacles for the protagonist to overcome. The audience is left unsure of the outcome, adding to the tension.

High Stakes: 9

The high stakes of trying to save Deshawn's life in a dangerous environment with limited resources raise the tension and urgency of the scene.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing a life-threatening situation and highlighting the characters' vulnerabilities and strengths in the face of danger.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the characters' conflicting beliefs, the uncertain outcome of Deshawn's condition, and the sense of danger in the environment.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is between Deshawn's belief in heaven and hell and Will's disbelief in such concepts. This challenges the protagonist's worldview and values, as he is faced with the uncertainty of what happens after death.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions of fear, sadness, and empathy for the characters, making it emotionally impactful for the audience.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue effectively conveys the characters' emotions and fears, adding to the tense atmosphere of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its high stakes, emotional depth, and realistic dialogue. The tension and uncertainty keep the audience invested in the characters' fates.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a balance of action, dialogue, and emotional beats. The rhythm contributes to the tension and urgency of the situation, keeping the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue. It is easy to follow and enhances the readability of the screenplay.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the effectiveness of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear purpose and direction. It seems to be a collection of disjointed moments without a cohesive narrative arc.
  • The dialogue is stilted and unnatural. The characters speak in a way that feels forced and unconvincing.
  • The characters are underdeveloped and lack depth. We don't get a sense of their motivations or desires.
  • The setting is not well-established and is described in a way that is confusing and disorienting.
  • The scene lacks tension and conflict. There is no sense of urgency or stakes.
  • The ending of the scene is abrupt and unsatisfying.
Suggestions
  • Revise the scene with a clear purpose and direction in mind.
  • Rewrite the dialogue to make it more natural and convincing.
  • Develop the characters and give them clear motivations and desires.
  • Establish the setting in a way that is clear and concise.
  • Add tension and conflict to the scene.
  • Revise the ending of the scene to make it more satisfying.



Scene 23 -  Desperate Pleas in the Face of Hospital Policy
EXT. HOSPITAL

The squad car bucks into the hospital's emergency zone.

INT. HOSPITAL

Will rushes in carrying Deshawn.

WILL
Emergency. Kids bleeding bad.

The head nurse stares at them.

WILL
We need help here.

HEAD NURSE
That's a gunshot.

WILL
I know.

HEAD NURSE
I'm sorry but we can't treat that
here.

WILL
What?

HEAD NURSE
It's the hospital's policy. You
have to take him to County or
Northwestern.

WILL
The kid will be dead before we get
there. TV Calling - For educational purposes only


(CONTINUED)
SENSE8 101 37.


CONTINUED:

HEAD NURSE
I'm sorry, it's policy--

WILL
What kind of policy lets a kid die--

HEAD NURSE
We were losing so many resources to
gunshots, we couldn't take care of
all the other patients needing help.
We've been a better hospital since
we stopped taking kids like him--

Deshawn goes into shock, his legs twitching, his body shivering
in Will's arms.

WILL
Please.

LONDON
Genres: ["Drama","Crime","Medical"]

Summary Will, filled with determination, rushes Deshawn, a gunshot victim, into a hospital emergency room. The head nurse, adhering to hospital policy, refuses to treat Deshawn, leading to a tense confrontation. Amidst Will's desperate pleas, Deshawn's condition worsens as he goes into shock, and the scene concludes with the nurse's unwavering stance, leaving the conflict unresolved.
Strengths
  • Intense emotional impact
  • Realistic dialogue
  • High-stakes conflict
Weaknesses
  • Hospital policy seems extreme

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is emotionally charged, with a sense of urgency and desperation that keeps the audience engaged.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a hospital refusing treatment to a gunshot victim due to policy adds depth and realism to the story, highlighting societal issues and ethical dilemmas.

Plot: 9

The plot is gripping and moves at a fast pace, drawing the audience into the characters' struggle to save the wounded child.

Originality: 8

The scene presents a fresh approach to the ethical dilemma of resource allocation in healthcare, adding authenticity to the characters' actions and dialogue.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-developed and their emotions are palpable, especially Will's desperation to save Deshawn.

Character Changes: 8

Will undergoes a significant change as he is faced with the dilemma of saving Deshawn's life against hospital policy, showcasing his determination and compassion.

Internal Goal: 8

Will's internal goal is to save Deshawn's life and prevent him from dying due to the hospital's policy.

External Goal: 7

Will's external goal is to convince the head nurse to treat Deshawn despite the hospital policy.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between Will and the head nurse, as well as the conflict of trying to save Deshawn's life, creates a tense and dramatic atmosphere.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the hospital policy creating a significant obstacle for the protagonist to overcome.

High Stakes: 10

The stakes are extremely high as a child's life hangs in the balance, creating a sense of urgency and tension.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward by introducing a critical situation that will have repercussions on the characters and their relationships.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because the audience is unsure of how the characters will resolve the ethical conflict and save Deshawn.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between the hospital's policy of prioritizing resources and the moral obligation to save a child's life.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 10

The scene evokes strong emotions in the audience, particularly sadness, anger, and desperation, making it highly impactful.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is intense and realistic, reflecting the characters' emotions and the high-stakes situation they are facing.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the high stakes, emotional conflict, and moral dilemma that keep the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and urgency, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the outcome.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene headings and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a dramatic confrontation in a hospital setting, effectively building tension and conflict.


Critique
  • The scene starts off with a bang, with Will rushing into the hospital carrying a bleeding Deshawn. This immediately creates a sense of urgency and stakes, and the dialogue is efficient and to the point.
  • The conflict is clear: the head nurse refuses to treat Deshawn because of the hospital's policy against treating gunshot victims. This is a powerful and thought-provoking conflict, and it raises important questions about the role of hospitals in society and the value of human life.
  • However, the scene quickly becomes repetitive as Will and the head nurse argue back and forth about the policy. This dialogue could be tightened up to make the scene more concise and impactful.
  • The scene also suffers from a lack of character development. Will and the head nurse are both fairly one-dimensional characters, and we don't learn much about their motivations or beliefs. This makes it difficult to connect with them on an emotional level.
  • Finally, the scene ends rather abruptly with Deshawn going into shock. This leaves the reader feeling unsatisfied and wanting more.
Suggestions
  • Tighten up the dialogue between Will and the head nurse to make the scene more concise and impactful.
  • Develop the characters of Will and the head nurse more fully to make them more relatable and sympathetic.
  • Add more conflict to the scene, such as a physical altercation between Will and the head nurse or a moral dilemma that Will must face.
  • Give the scene a more satisfying ending, such as Will finding a way to get Deshawn the help he needs or the head nurse changing her mind about the policy.



Scene 24 -  Psychedelic Reality and Suspenseful Break-ins
INT. VEEJAY'S APARTMENT - NIGHT

Riley inhales the DMT. She blinks several times and on the
final one we see her pupils dilate to the size of her iris.

She smiles.

RILEY
...do you believe in elves? If you
listen you can hear them...

Straining to hear their voices, suddenly all sound collapses
into a vacuum.

She floats somewhere between this world and another, fear
peeling way revealing ecstasy as--

The beeping of a heart monitor opens her to the soundscape of
a hospital--

INT. HOSPITAL

Will is watching the hospital staff trying to safe the life
of Deshawn.

The sound again collapses into void as the hospital sounds
become the scream of--

DIRECTOR
Action!

TV Calling - For educational purposes only
SENSE8 101 38.




INT. CHURCH

Lito turns to the nun.

NUN
I LOVE YOU!

She fires her gun, shooting Lito in the chest just as the
sound collapses again into silence--

Lito falls to his knees, fake blood pouring out of him as he
hears a bright metal clicking--

INT. MANSION

Wolfgang uses his high-tech stethoscope to listen to the
tumblers, dialing carefully each digit until the clicks
disappear.

He is disturbed that he can't hear anything until a Korean
pop song fills his ears.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller","Fantasy"]

Summary Riley embarks on a DMT-induced psychedelic journey, hearing elves' voices and floating through worlds, while Will watches hospital staff attempt to save Deshawn's life. In a church, a nun declares her love before shooting Lito. Simultaneously, Wolfgang utilizes advanced technology to infiltrate a mansion in Korea. The scene concludes with Wolfgang successfully breaching the Korean mansion.
Strengths
  • Seamless transitions between settings and emotional states
  • Intriguing exploration of interconnected lives and supernatural elements
  • Complex and compelling characters with emotional depth
Weaknesses
  • Some transitions may be disorienting for viewers
  • Certain storylines may feel unresolved or disconnected

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively blends different genres and tones, creating a captivating and emotionally resonant experience for the audience. The transitions between the characters' stories are well-executed, keeping the viewer engaged.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring interconnected lives and supernatural elements through different characters' perspectives is intriguing and well-executed. The scene effectively conveys the themes of fate, identity, and the unknown.

Plot: 7

The plot advances through the characters' individual experiences and interactions, adding depth to the overall narrative. The scene sets up intriguing storylines and character arcs that keep the audience invested.

Originality: 9

The scene demonstrates a high level of originality through its unconventional narrative structure, vivid descriptions, and philosophical undertones. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and compelling, adding depth to the story.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are complex and compelling, each facing their own challenges and revelations. Their interactions and emotional journeys add depth to the scene and drive the narrative forward.

Character Changes: 8

Several characters undergo significant emotional and psychological changes throughout the scene, facing challenges and revelations that impact their perspectives and actions. These character changes drive the narrative forward and add depth to the storytelling.

Internal Goal: 8

Riley's internal goal in this scene is to explore altered states of consciousness and connect with a mystical experience. This reflects her deeper desire for transcendence and spiritual awakening.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is not clearly defined but seems to involve navigating different realities and experiences.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The scene contains internal and external conflicts that drive the characters' actions and decisions. The emotional and supernatural conflicts add tension and depth to the narrative, keeping the audience engaged.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in this scene is strong, with characters facing internal and external conflicts that challenge their beliefs and perceptions.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are high for the characters as they face life-threatening situations, emotional challenges, and supernatural mysteries. The scene builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience invested in the characters' fates.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing new conflicts, character arcs, and revelations that advance the overall narrative. The interconnected nature of the characters' experiences adds depth and complexity to the storytelling.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of its shifting perspectives, dreamlike sequences, and unexpected twists that keep the audience on edge.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the juxtaposition of reality and illusion, the mundane and the mystical. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs about the nature of existence and the boundaries between different states of consciousness.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from fear and sadness to hope and ecstasy. The characters' emotional journeys and revelations resonate with the audience, creating a powerful and immersive experience.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is impactful and reflective of the characters' emotional states. It effectively conveys the themes and conflicts present in the scene, adding depth to the storytelling.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its mysterious and captivating atmosphere, drawing the audience into a world of fantasy and intrigue.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is deliberate and atmospheric, creating a sense of tension and anticipation that enhances the overall impact.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of this scene is unconventional but effective in conveying the surreal and otherworldly elements of the story.

Structure: 8

The structure of this scene deviates from traditional storytelling conventions, incorporating multiple locations and perspectives to create a fragmented yet cohesive narrative.


Critique
  • This scene serves multiple purposes: it introduces new storylines and characters, provides glimpses into the characters' inner worlds, and sets up future conflicts.
  • The scene is well-paced, with a good balance of action, dialogue, and visual imagery.
  • The characterizations are strong, and the actors deliver nuanced performances.
  • However, the scene could be improved by providing more context for some of the events that take place.
Suggestions
  • Add a brief expositional scene that introduces the characters and their relationships to each other.
  • Provide more backstory on the events that led to the characters being in the hospital.
  • Expand on the dialogue between the characters to give them more depth and motivation.



Scene 25 -  Sens8: A Moment of Solitude
INT. TRAIN

Sun is on the morning commuter train, plugged into her mobile,
listening a pop song when it goes dead--

She stares out at the car full of people plugged into their
own worlds until--

The sound of crickets fills the train--

INT. SHANTY

Capheus opens the package of retro-viral drugs and a bottle
of pain pills and feeds them to his mother, the sound of the
crickets pin-pricking into silence.

He looks around, walks to the door and looks out over the
slum as a huge crowd suddenly roars back at him--

EXT. DELORES PARK

Pink Saturday and the park with filled with LGBT from all
over the world.

Nomi and Amanita are stilling on a picnic blanket in the middle
of the maelstrom. Nomi is typing into her mini when the voice
of the park goes mute--



TV Calling - For educational purposes only
SENSE8 101 39.




INT. KALA'S BEDROOM

Kala is asleep, the room soundless. Slowly we begin to hear
the whole spectrum of sounds, each of the different
environments filling the silence until--

They start lapping on top of one another, layering until they
become a roar--

That jolts Kala awake.

The crash of the ocean fades back into a small tinnitus ringing--

INT. VEEJAY'S APARTMENT

In Riley's ears as she sinks back onto the pillows unsure of
where or even who she is.
Genres: ["Drama","Mystery","Fantasy"]

Summary In this introspective scene, Sun finds herself on a morning commuter train, with her mobile dead and replaced by the sound of crickets. Capheus is in a Shanty, taking care of his sick mother, while hearing the cheers from Delores Park. Nomi and Amanita are having a peaceful picnic in the park, experiencing silence. Kala is awakened by the sound of the ocean in her bedroom. Lastly, Riley is in Veejay's apartment, hearing the ocean as well, before she wakes up, unsure of her surroundings. Each character is experiencing their own world, with no interaction between them.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth of characters
  • Interconnected storytelling
  • Unique use of sound and visuals
Weaknesses
  • Lack of external conflict
  • Some scenes may be confusing for viewers

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene effectively captures the emotional depth and complexity of the characters while maintaining a sense of mystery and intrigue. The use of sound and visual cues enhances the overall impact of the scene.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of interconnectedness and shared experiences among the characters is well-executed, creating a sense of unity and depth to the narrative.

Plot: 8

The plot advances through the exploration of the characters' inner thoughts and emotions, setting the stage for future developments and revelations.

Originality: 9

The scene demonstrates a high level of originality through its use of sound and sensory details to convey the characters' internal and external struggles. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds depth to the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are portrayed with depth and complexity, each facing their own struggles and challenges. Their interactions and inner monologues reveal layers of their personalities.

Character Changes: 8

Several characters undergo internal changes and revelations, deepening their emotional arcs and setting the stage for further development.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to find a sense of belonging or identity amidst the chaos and noise of their surroundings. Each character is grappling with their own internal struggles and desires.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to navigate their immediate environment and challenges, whether it be taking care of a loved one, finding peace in a crowded park, or dealing with existential confusion.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

While there is internal conflict within the characters, the scene focuses more on introspection and emotional exploration rather than external conflicts.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with each character facing unique challenges and conflicts that test their beliefs and values. The audience is left unsure of how the characters will overcome these obstacles.

High Stakes: 5

While the stakes are not explicitly high in this scene, the emotional depth and personal struggles of the characters create a sense of urgency and importance.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by delving into the characters' inner conflicts and emotional journeys, setting the stage for future revelations and developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it presents the characters with unexpected challenges and conflicts, keeping the audience on edge and unsure of how the characters will navigate their surroundings.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the characters' search for meaning and connection in a world filled with noise and distractions. Each character is confronted with their own beliefs and values as they navigate their surroundings.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes a strong emotional response from the audience, delving into themes of loss, identity, and self-discovery. The characters' struggles and vulnerabilities resonate deeply.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is introspective and reflective, adding depth to the characters' inner thoughts and emotions. It effectively conveys the themes of identity, connection, and self-discovery.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it immerses the audience in the characters' sensory experiences and internal struggles, creating a sense of connection and empathy.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by creating a sense of tension and anticipation, drawing the audience into the characters' experiences and emotions.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings and descriptions. The formatting enhances the readability and flow of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with seamless transitions between different locations and characters. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the effectiveness of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene is too short and does not provide enough context or character development.
  • The scene lacks a clear goal or conflict, making it difficult to engage the reader.
  • The dialogue is stilted and unnatural, making it difficult to believe the characters.
  • The scene does not advance the plot in any meaningful way, making it feel like a waste of time.
  • The scene is too passive and does not provide any opportunities for the characters to take action.
Suggestions
  • Expand the scene to provide more context and character development.
  • Give the scene a clear goal or conflict to drive the action.
  • Rewrite the dialogue to make it more natural and believable.
  • Add some action or suspense to the scene to make it more engaging.
  • Make sure the scene advances the plot in some way, even if it is just a small step.



Scene 26 -  Moral Dilemmas and Internal Struggles
INT. HOSPITAL

The head nurse finds Will in the waiting room.

HEAD NURSE
Dr. Manno just came out of surgery.
Life signs are stable. He'll
probably make it.

WILL
Thank you.

HEAD NURSE
Can I ask you a personal question?
If he lives and then kills someone,
like maybe a cop, how are you going
to feel about that?

BERLIN

INT. MANSION - NIGHT

Wolfgang drips with sweat. He is suspended between two
numbers, two clicks, the nausea of a migraine disorienting
him.

FELIX
You alright? You look a little
green?

WOLFGANG
...I'm good.

He focuses back on the uncrackable safe.
TV Calling - For educational purposes only


(CONTINUED)
SENSE8 101 40.


CONTINUED:

NOMI (V.O.)
Saint Thomas Aquinas believed in
Sin.

SAN FRANCISCO
Genres: ["Drama","Crime","Thriller"]

Summary The head nurse informs Will of Dr. Manno's successful surgery, introducing a moral conflict for Will regarding the doctor's past actions. Meanwhile, Wolfgang experiences an internal conflict as he struggles with a migraine while trying to crack a safe. Nomi provides a voiceover about Saint Thomas Aquinas' beliefs on sin, adding a contemplative tone to the scene. The scene takes place in a hospital waiting room, a mansion, and Nomi's apartment, and ends with Wolfgang still struggling to open the safe.
Strengths
  • Intense conflict
  • Emotional depth
  • Compelling characters
Weaknesses
  • Some scenes may be too intense for sensitive viewers

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively balances multiple storylines and keeps the audience engaged with high stakes and emotional depth.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of life and death decisions, moral ambiguity, and criminal activities is well-executed and adds complexity to the overall narrative.

Plot: 8

The plot is engaging, with multiple threads converging to create tension and suspense. The heist operation in Berlin and the life-saving efforts in Chicago provide a dynamic contrast.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the moral dilemma of guilt by association and the consequences of loyalty. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and contribute to the scene's authenticity.


Character Development

Characters: 7

The characters are compelling, especially Will and Wolfgang, who face moral dilemmas and personal challenges. The scene delves into their inner conflicts and motivations.

Character Changes: 7

Will and Wolfgang undergo internal changes as they face moral dilemmas and make difficult decisions. Their actions in this scene shape their character arcs.

Internal Goal: 8

Will's internal goal in this scene is to come to terms with the potential consequences of Dr. Manno's survival. This reflects his deeper fear of being implicated in a crime and his desire to protect his own moral integrity.

External Goal: 7

Will's external goal is to navigate the uncertainty surrounding Dr. Manno's condition and the implications of his potential actions.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict is high, with life-and-death decisions, criminal activities, and personal struggles driving the tension throughout the scene.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Will facing a moral dilemma and uncertainty about the future consequences of his actions.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high, with life-and-death decisions, criminal activities, and personal struggles at the forefront. The characters' choices have significant consequences.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by advancing multiple plotlines, revealing character motivations, and setting up future conflicts and resolutions.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected question posed by the head nurse and the moral complexity of Will's internal conflict.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the moral dilemma of whether one should be held responsible for the actions of others. Will is faced with the question of guilt by association and the implications of his loyalty to Dr. Manno.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes strong emotions through the characters' dilemmas, the life-saving efforts, and the moral ambiguity presented. It keeps the audience emotionally invested.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is impactful, revealing the characters' emotions and dilemmas effectively. It adds depth to the scene and enhances the tension.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the moral dilemma presented, the tension between characters, and the uncertainty surrounding the outcome.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds suspense and tension, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the characters' dilemmas.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and dialogue that enhance the pacing and tone.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, effectively building tension and suspense through the characters' interactions and the unfolding events.


Critique
  • The dialogue between the head nurse and Will is unnecessary and does not add anything to the story. It is also unclear why the head nurse would ask Will such a personal question.
  • The transition between the hospital and the mansion in Berlin is abrupt and jarring. It would be helpful to include a brief establishing shot of the mansion to orient the viewer.
  • The dialogue between Wolfgang and Felix is flat and uninformative. It does not reveal anything about their characters or their relationship.
  • The voiceover by Nomi about Saint Thomas Aquinas is out of place and does not connect to the rest of the scene. It would be more effective to integrate this information into the dialogue or the visuals.
  • The scene ends abruptly without any resolution or sense of closure. It would be helpful to add a brief moment of reflection or a transition to the next scene to give the viewer time to process what they have seen.
Suggestions
  • Remove the dialogue between the head nurse and Will. It is unnecessary and does not add anything to the story.
  • Add a brief establishing shot of the mansion in Berlin to orient the viewer.
  • Rewrite the dialogue between Wolfgang and Felix to make it more revealing and informative.
  • Integrate the voiceover by Nomi about Saint Thomas Aquinas into the dialogue or the visuals.
  • Add a brief moment of reflection or a transition to the next scene to give the viewer time to process what they have seen.



Scene 27 -  Nomi's Empowering Voice: A Dyke March Awakening
EXT. PRIDE FESTIVAL - DAY

The Dyke march is getting ready to roll out of Deloras Park.
Rainbow flags wave wildly; the ecstasy of the event manifests
in all it's fabulous variations.

NOMI (V.O.)
He is considered an authority on
the subject, though he appears to
never have "inhaled" as they say.
He believed of all the venal and
mortal Sins, Pride was the Queen of
the Seven Deadlies. He saw it as
the ultimate Gateway Sin that would
turn you quickly into a Sinoholic.
But Hating isn't a Sin on that list.
Neither is Shame.

The park is a chaotic mess though there is a palpable feeling
of undeniable community bound by courage, respect and love.

NOMI (V.O.)
So today I am not marching for
myself. Today I march for all the
people who can't march. For the
people who are hated and shamed by
people like St Thomas because they
are different, people living crushed
up lives, hidden inside themselves,
made to feel inferior or unworthy,
made to feel not smart enough, not
pretty enough, not good or normal
enough. Today I march for everyone
made to feel ashamed for being just
who they are. Today I march to
remember I am not just a me. I am
also a we. And we march with Pride.
So go fuck yourself Aquinas.

BERLIN
Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

Summary Nomi, in a voice-over, reflects on Saint Thomas Aquinas' perspectives about sin and pride while the Dyke march is underway at Deloras Park during a Pride Festival. She articulates her personal reasons for participating, emphasizing the importance of community, love, and standing up against discrimination, hate, and shame. The scene concludes with Nomi's defiant statement, 'So go fuck yourself Aquinas,' symbolizing her rejection of stigmatizing beliefs.
Strengths
  • Powerful thematic message
  • Diverse and complex characters
  • Impactful dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Limited plot progression
  • Low external conflict

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively conveys a strong emotional message while showcasing the diversity and unity of the characters.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of challenging societal norms and embracing individuality is well-executed and central to the scene.

Plot: 7

The plot serves as a backdrop to the thematic elements, providing context for the characters' actions and beliefs.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces fresh perspectives on pride, shame, and acceptance, while authentically portraying the LGBTQ+ community's experiences and struggles. The dialogue is original, emotional, and impactful, capturing the complexity of identity and self-acceptance.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are diverse and complex, each contributing to the overall message of pride and defiance.

Character Changes: 6

While there may not be significant character development in this scene, the characters' beliefs and values are reinforced.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to stand up against hate and shame, to march for those who are marginalized and oppressed, and to embrace their identity with pride and defiance.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to participate in the Dyke march at the Pride Festival, to show solidarity with the LGBTQ+ community, and to challenge societal norms and prejudices.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 4

While there is internal conflict within the characters, the scene focuses more on unity and acceptance.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, as the protagonist faces internal doubts, societal prejudices, and philosophical conflicts that challenge their beliefs and values. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how the protagonist will navigate these obstacles.

High Stakes: 3

The stakes are more personal and emotional in this scene, focusing on the characters' beliefs and identities.

Story Forward: 6

The scene contributes to the overall theme and character development, but does not significantly advance the main plot.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it challenges conventional beliefs and societal norms, while subverting expectations and stereotypes. The protagonist's actions and dialogue are unexpected and bold, keeping the audience engaged and intrigued.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between the protagonist's belief in embracing pride and diversity, and the conservative views represented by St. Thomas Aquinas, who is seen as judgmental and intolerant.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes strong emotions of empowerment and solidarity, resonating with the audience.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is impactful and thought-provoking, reflecting the characters' emotions and beliefs.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it captures the emotional intensity and social relevance of the Pride Festival, while delving into the protagonist's inner struggles and external challenges. The dialogue is powerful, the setting is vivid, and the themes are thought-provoking.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a balance of introspective moments, emotional revelations, and external actions. The rhythm builds tension and suspense, while allowing for character growth and thematic exploration.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting. The visual descriptions and character actions are vivid and engaging, enhancing the reader's immersion in the story.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure, with a well-defined setting, character development, and thematic exploration. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the scene's effectiveness, building tension and emotional resonance.


Critique
  • The scene is a monologue by Nomi, which is well-written and powerful. However, it may be a bit too long and could benefit from some editing to make it more concise.
  • The use of Saint Thomas Aquinas as a symbol of homophobia and transphobia is effective, but it could be strengthened by providing more specific examples of his writings or teachings that support this claim.
  • The connection between Nomi's personal experiences and the larger issue of LGBTQ+ rights is clear, but it could be made even stronger by providing more specific examples of how she has been affected by discrimination and prejudice.
  • The scene ends with a strong call to action, but it could be even more effective by providing more specific suggestions for how people can get involved in the fight for LGBTQ+ rights.
  • Overall, the scene is a powerful and moving statement about the importance of LGBTQ+ pride and the need to fight against discrimination and prejudice.
Suggestions
  • Consider editing the monologue to make it more concise and focused.
  • Provide more specific examples of Saint Thomas Aquinas' writings or teachings that support the claim that he was homophobic and transphobic.
  • Provide more specific examples of how Nomi has been affected by discrimination and prejudice.
  • End the scene with a stronger call to action, providing more specific suggestions for how people can get involved in the fight for LGBTQ+ rights.



Scene 28 -  Safe-Cracking and a Musical Interlude
INT. MANSION - NIGHT

Every fiber of Wolfgang's body is poised tight, his breathing
controlled as he listens to the shape and sound of the turning
wheels.
TV Calling - For educational purposes only


(CONTINUED)
SENSE8 101 41.


CONTINUED:

He stares through a special lens at the dial, making notes as
he works through each and every number as if dismantling a
bomb.

FELIX
58 minutes.

We see a close up of the teeth inside the dial, each click
studied forwards and back. We realize the clicking is
familiar; it is the clicking Will heard.

FELIX
56 minutes.

Wolfgang exhales. He yanks the ear phones off and throws
them down.

FELIX
What?

Wolfgang find a remote and turns on the television, scrolling
through the stations.

FELIX
Whoa. Hey. What's this? We
throwing in the towel?

WOLFGANG
Need a break.

FELIX
You understand we got less than an
hour here? Unless I'm wrong and
Steiner is early, then we got less
than that.

WOLFGANG
You're never wrong about shit like
that.

He finds what he was looking for: Eurovision. He turns up
the volume.

FELIX
Really? Really?

WOLFGANG
It relaxes me.

FELIX
It's Greece for fuck's sake. How
can you care about Greece?
TV Calling - For educational purposes only


(CONTINUED)
SENSE8 101 42.


CONTINUED:

WOLFGANG
This girl is really good. Her name
is Natalie. I watched her last
week.

The young female singer begins to pour her heart out.

WOLFGANG
Her voice is like a musical
instrument. She doesn't sing words.
She sings in a language of pure
emotion.

FELIX
Yeah. She's good.

Wolfgang tries to follow her voice, methodically pronouncing
the notes.

FELIX
She's never gonna win.

WOLFGANG
Why?

FELIX
Her eyes are too close together.
She looks like a camel.

Wolfgang can only shake his head.

FELIX
And no tits.

WOLFGANG
Shut up.

FELIX
Camel's never gonna win.
Genres: ["Crime","Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In this scene, Wolfgang, a safe-cracker, is disarming a safe with Felix timing him. After recognizing the sound of the dial from Will's description, Wolfgang takes a break and turns on the TV to Eurovision. They watch a young female singer, Natalie, and while Felix criticizes her appearance, Wolfgang appreciates her singing. The main conflict of the scene is Wolfgang's desire to take a break and Felix's insistence on focusing on the task, which is resolved when Wolfgang turns on the TV. The tone is tense during the safe-cracking, but becomes more relaxed and focused on appreciation of music during the Eurovision performance.
Strengths
  • Tension-building
  • Skillful pacing
  • Character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development
  • Lack of external action

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively builds tension and suspense through Wolfgang's meticulous safe-cracking process and the looming deadline. The use of Eurovision as a contrast to the high-stakes situation adds depth to the scene.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a skilled safe cracker working against the clock in a high-pressure situation is engaging and well-executed. The addition of the Eurovision distraction adds a unique twist to the traditional heist scenario.

Plot: 7

The plot focuses on Wolfgang's attempt to crack the safe within a limited time frame, adding urgency and suspense to the scene. The subplot involving Felix's commentary on Eurovision provides a brief moment of levity amidst the tension.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on talent and judgment, blending suspense with humor. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 8

Wolfgang's intense focus and skill as a safe cracker are highlighted in this scene, showcasing his expertise and determination. Felix serves as a contrasting character with his more light-hearted commentary, adding depth to the dynamic between the two.

Character Changes: 6

While there is not significant character development in this scene, Wolfgang's focus and determination are further emphasized, showcasing his unwavering commitment to his craft.

Internal Goal: 8

Wolfgang's internal goal in this scene is to find a moment of relaxation and escape from the pressure of the task at hand. This reflects his need for a mental break and his desire to find solace in music.

External Goal: 7

Wolfgang's external goal is to complete the task within the time limit set by Felix. This reflects the immediate challenge he is facing and the consequences of failure.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict in the scene arises from the pressure Wolfgang faces to crack the safe within a limited time frame, heightened by the looming threat of Steiner's potential arrival. The internal conflict within Wolfgang as he balances focus and distraction adds layers to the tension.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create conflict and challenge the protagonist's goals, adding depth to the narrative and character dynamics.

High Stakes: 9

The high stakes in the scene are evident through Wolfgang's race against time to crack the safe before Steiner potentially arrives. The consequences of failure are significant, adding urgency and tension to the situation.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by highlighting Wolfgang's expertise and the ongoing tension within the criminal world. The introduction of the safe-cracking task adds a new layer to the narrative, setting up potential conflicts and developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected humor and character interactions. The audience is kept on their toes by the shifting dynamics.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between Wolfgang's appreciation for pure emotion and talent in music, represented by Natalie, and Felix's superficial judgment based on physical appearance. This challenges Wolfgang's values of authenticity and talent.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The emotional impact of the scene is primarily driven by the tension and suspense as Wolfgang works against the clock to crack the safe. The brief moment of connection between Wolfgang and Felix over Eurovision adds a touch of emotion amidst the intensity.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue between Wolfgang and Felix effectively conveys their personalities and the high-stakes nature of the situation. The banter about Eurovision adds a touch of humor to the tense scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its blend of suspense, humor, and character dynamics. The audience is drawn into the tension and emotional depth of the characters.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the characters' actions and dialogue.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions. It enhances the visual and emotional impact of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format that effectively builds tension and character development. It maintains a good pacing and rhythm.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear purpose and direction. It's unclear what Wolfgang and Felix are trying to accomplish, and the dialogue doesn't provide much insight into their motivations or goals.
  • The dialogue is stilted and unnatural, and the characters' interactions feel forced. The characters speak in a way that is more like exposition than natural conversation.
  • The scene is too long and drawn out, and the pacing is slow and tedious. There is not enough action or conflict to keep the reader engaged.
  • The use of Eurovision as a way to relax Wolfgang is a bit too on-the-nose and comes across as forced and unrealistic.
Suggestions
  • Give the scene a clear purpose and direction by establishing what Wolfgang and Felix are trying to accomplish.
  • Rewrite the dialogue to make it more natural and engaging. The characters should speak in a way that is true to their personalities and motivations.
  • Tighten up the pacing of the scene by cutting out unnecessary dialogue and action. The scene should move at a brisk pace to keep the reader engaged.
  • Consider replacing the Eurovision scene with something more relevant to the plot or the characters' development.



Scene 29 -  Past Shame and Pride Celebration
INT. SCHOOL - FLASHBACK

Wolfgang is an eight year old boy. He is at the front of the
stage of a small school auditorium. The other children are
behind him in the shadows.

The teacher is at the corner of the stage her face a rictus
of encouragement.

Parents sit in the uncomfortable silence of a child's sudden
paralysis.

TV Calling - For educational purposes only


(CONTINUED)
SENSE8 101 43.


CONTINUED:

The teacher hums the tune softly, trying to coax it out of
Wolfgang, but Wolfgang can't move, staring at something in
the back of the theater.

Suddenly we hear someone begin to laugh. Wolfgang's father
stands at the door in the back laughing at his mute son.

BERLIN

INT. MANSION - NIGHT

Wolfgang watches as she receives her judgment. Her tearing
eyes filled with excitement and hope slowly become fixed.
Her smile stiffens as her softness becomes hard.

She thanks her judges and crumples off stage.

FELIX
Told you.

A hardness sharpens in Wolfgang's eyes. He stands and returns
to the safe.

SAN FRANCISCO

EXT. PRIDE FESTIVAL - DAY

The Dykes on Bikes parade of the Dyke march is set to begin.
Amanita is topless, wearing ass-less chaps and well-worn cowboy
boots. She guns the throttle of her Harley, vibrating a giggle
out of Nomi perched on the bitch seat.

AMANITA
How's your headache?

NOMI
Keep vibrating my cooch. It's
distracting.

Amanita smiles and guns the engine again.

A green winged fairy floats out to them offering pot brownies.
Amanita pays the fairy and hands the brownie to Nomi.

AMANITA
Remember your first brownie?

NOMI
Our first Pride.
Genres: ["Drama","Crime","Thriller"]

Summary The scene opens with a flashback to young Wolfgang's piano recital, where he is struck with stage fright and his father laughs at him from the back of the auditorium. In the present, Wolfgang watches as a woman receives a judgment offstage, with Felix commenting that he warned Wolfgang. The scene then shifts to a Pride festival in San Francisco, where Nomi and Amanita celebrate, reminiscing about their first Pride. The scene ends with Wolfgang standing on stage, Nomi eating a pot brownie, and the woman walking offstage after receiving her judgment.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Tension building
  • Theme exploration
Weaknesses
  • Some scenes may be too intense for sensitive viewers

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene effectively combines emotional depth, tension, and character development to create a compelling and impactful narrative.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring characters' past traumas, family dynamics, and resilience in the face of adversity is well-executed and engaging.

Plot: 9

The plot is engaging, with multiple storylines converging to create tension and emotional depth.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces fresh and authentic situations, such as Wolfgang's struggle to perform in front of his father and Amanita's carefree attitude at the Pride festival. The dialogue feels genuine and adds depth to the characters.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed and their emotional journeys are compelling, adding depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 8

Several characters undergo significant emotional growth and development in the scene, particularly in confronting their past traumas.

Internal Goal: 8

Wolfgang's internal goal in this scene is to overcome his fear and perform in front of the audience. This reflects his deeper need for validation and acceptance.

External Goal: 7

Wolfgang's external goal is to perform well in the school auditorium and impress his father. This reflects the immediate challenge he is facing in the scene.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

There is a high level of conflict present in the scene, both internal and external, adding tension and driving the narrative forward.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Wolfgang facing his father's lack of support and Amanita challenging societal norms at the Pride festival.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high, with characters facing life-threatening situations, emotional turmoil, and difficult decisions.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by revealing key information about the characters' pasts and motivations, setting up future conflicts and resolutions.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected reactions and choices made by the characters, such as Wolfgang's father laughing at him and Amanita's carefree attitude at the Pride festival.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between Wolfgang's desire for approval and his father's lack of understanding and support. This challenges Wolfgang's beliefs about his worth and capabilities.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes a strong emotional response from the audience, particularly through the characters' past traumas and struggles.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is impactful and reveals important information about the characters' pasts and motivations.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it presents relatable conflicts and emotions that draw the audience in and create tension.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and suspense, especially in Wolfgang's performance and Amanita's carefree attitude.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings and descriptions that enhance the visual storytelling.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear transitions between locations and a focus on character development and conflict.


Critique
  • The transition from the school flashback to the mansion in Berlin is abrupt and confusing. It would be helpful to provide a smoother transition between the two scenes.
  • The dialogue in the mansion is brief and doesn't provide much context for the situation. It would be helpful to expand the dialogue to provide more information about what is happening and why.
  • The Dykes on Bikes parade scene in San Francisco is visually interesting but lacks a clear narrative purpose. It would be helpful to connect this scene more directly to the rest of the story.
  • The conversation between Amanita and Nomi about pot brownies feels out of place and doesn't contribute to the overall story. It would be helpful to remove this conversation or find a way to make it more relevant to the main plot.
  • The ending of the scene is anticlimactic and doesn't provide a clear sense of what happens next. It would be helpful to provide a stronger ending that leaves the reader wanting more.
Suggestions
  • Add a brief voiceover or narration to provide context for the transition between the school flashback and the mansion in Berlin.
  • Expand the dialogue in the mansion to provide more information about what is happening and why. For example, you could have the characters discuss their motivations for being there or their plans for the future.
  • Connect the Dykes on Bikes parade scene in San Francisco more directly to the rest of the story. For example, you could have the characters discuss a specific issue that they are marching for or you could show how the parade affects their lives.
  • Remove the conversation between Amanita and Nomi about pot brownies or find a way to make it more relevant to the main plot. For example, you could have the characters discuss how the brownies affect their perceptions of the parade or you could use the conversation to reveal something about their relationship.
  • Provide a stronger ending to the scene that leaves the reader wanting more. For example, you could end the scene with a cliffhanger or you could introduce a new conflict that will be explored in the next scene.



Scene 30 -  Amanita Defends Nomi at Pride
EXT. DELORES PARK - FLASKBACK

Amanita and Nomi are alone, the TV
parade long
Calling gone,
- For the park
educational purposes only
strewn with garbage, the fog coming in but--

(CONTINUED)
SENSE8 101 44.


CONTINUED:

They are kissing. And kissing.

NOMI
...Your lips are soooo amazing.

EXT. DYKE MARCH

Amanita smiles.

AMANITA
You were so high.

NOMI
Oh my god I was... but you know
what I remember best about that
day?

EXT. DELORES PARK - FLASHBACK

Amanita leads a shy Nomi to her group of lesbian friends camped
out in the middle of the park

AMANITA
Hey y'all, this is the one I've
been talking about.

DYKE #1
Wait, I know you. You're that tranny
that blogs about politics.

Nomi nods, embarrassed from being recognized.

DYKE #1
I totally disagreed with what you
said about dropping LGBT.

DYKE #2
Hey, come on, relax, it's a party--

DYKE #1
We fought for that hard for that
recognition.

NOMI
I just thought the distinctions
were separating us--

DYKE #1
Bullshit. Just another colonizing
male, trying to take over any space
left to women.

TV Calling - For educational purposes only


(CONTINUED)
SENSE8 101 45.


CONTINUED:

AMANITA
You say one more thing about my
girlfriend and I'll colonize your
face with my fist.

The dyke clams up. Nomi is shaking from the confrontation.
She looks at Amanita, tears about to burst out of her eyes.

NOMI
I should go--

AMANITA
No, she's just a loud mouth Berkeley
bitch--

But Nomi is running. Amanita goes after her. She catches
her near the top of the hill.

AMANITA
Hey, come on...

She puts her arm around her and Nomi bursts into tears.

AMANITA
What is it? You never cry at stuff
like that.

NOMI
I'm not crying because of her. I'm
crying because...

Her eyes run as the words spill out.

NOMI
No one's ever defended me before.

Amanita smiles and kisses her.

NOMI (V.O.)
What I remember is, that was the
day--
Genres: ["Drama","Romance"]

Summary In this emotional and intimate scene, Amanita and Nomi share a kiss in Delores Park during their first Pride. However, tension arises when Nomi is criticized for her views on LGBT politics by one of Amanita's friends. Amanita defends Nomi, causing her to tear up and reveal that no one has ever defended her before. The scene ends with Amanita kissing Nomi, resolving the conflict and deepening their connection.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Theme exploration
Weaknesses
  • Potential pacing issues
  • Lack of external action

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is emotionally charged and impactful, with strong character dynamics and themes of love and acceptance. The confrontation adds depth to the characters and advances the plot effectively.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of defending love and standing up for oneself is well-executed in the scene, adding depth to the characters and highlighting important themes.

Plot: 7

The plot advances through the emotional conflict and character development in the scene, setting up future events and deepening the relationships between the characters.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on LGBTQ+ community dynamics and explores themes of unity and identity in a unique way. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and relatable.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters show vulnerability, strength, and depth in the scene, with strong emotional arcs and interactions that drive the narrative forward.

Character Changes: 8

The characters undergo emotional growth and development in the scene, particularly in their relationships and understanding of each other, setting up future character arcs.

Internal Goal: 8

Nomi's internal goal in this scene is to feel defended and supported, as evidenced by her emotional reaction to Amanita standing up for her.

External Goal: 7

Nomi's external goal is to navigate the social dynamics of the group of lesbian friends and handle the confrontation with Dyke #1.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between the characters adds tension and emotional depth to the scene, driving the narrative forward and revealing important aspects of the characters' relationships.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to challenge the protagonist's beliefs and values, leading to a moment of personal reflection and growth.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are high in the scene, particularly in terms of emotional vulnerability, relationship dynamics, and the characters' personal growth and development.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward through emotional conflict, character development, and thematic exploration, setting up future events and deepening the narrative.

Unpredictability: 7

The scene is somewhat predictable in terms of character reactions and outcomes, but the emotional depth and conflict add layers of complexity.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between Nomi's belief in unity and inclusivity within the LGBTQ+ community and Dyke #1's belief in maintaining distinctions and recognition.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, with moments of vulnerability, love, and confrontation that resonate with the audience and deepen the characters' emotional arcs.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is confrontational, emotional, and impactful, revealing the characters' inner thoughts and feelings while driving the scene's emotional intensity.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to the emotional conflict and character dynamics that drive the narrative forward. The tension and resolution keep the audience invested in the story.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotion, leading to a climactic moment of character growth and connection.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to the expected format for a screenplay, with clear scene headings and character dialogue.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a coherent structure with clear character motivations and development. The dialogue and actions flow naturally within the context of the setting.


Critique
  • The scene is too long and could be shortened to improve pacing.
Suggestions
  • Cut the flashback to Amanita and Nomi kissing in Delores Park, as it is not necessary for the scene and slows down the pacing.
  • Combine the two scenes in Delores Park into one, with Amanita leading Nomi to her group of friends and the confrontation with the dyke happening in the same location.
  • Tighten the dialogue in the confrontation scene to make it more concise and impactful.



Scene 31 -  Investigating the Dream and Enjoying the Dyke March
EXT. DYKE MARCH

Nomi snuggles up behind Amanita.

NOMI
I knew I was going to marry you.

Amanita guns her engine again as--

Pride roars out from Delores park, bellowing down the crowded
streets of San Francisco with bubble machines,
TV Calling rainbow flags,
- For educational purposes only
leather, tats and feathered boas.

(CONTINUED)
SENSE8 101 46.


CONTINUED:

Despite her migraine, Nomi enjoys herself.

They see Lola and Disney, posing as they pass, Lola blasting
her music, "This is the first day of my life," by the Flaming
Lips.

CHICAGO

EXT. STREET - DAY

They are pulling away from the hospital. Will is buttoning
on a new shirt, replacing his vest.

DIEGO
Hey, do me a favor and warn me the
next time you're going to get all
crazy Samaritan on me? I'll take a
sick day.

WILL
I know you secretly feel good about
it.

DIEGO
Let's hope that nurse ain't right
and he ends up doing a police like
your dad got done.

The squad car rolls under the street sign for Damen. The
sign hits Will like a bullet.

WILL
Hey, wait minute. Turn here.

DIEGO
Why?

WILL
Do it!

The car whines as Diego forces the turn.

WILL
This is it. This was the street.

DIEGO
What street?

WILL
In my dream--

He is scanning all the buildings.
TV Calling - For educational purposes only


(CONTINUED)
SENSE8 101 47.


CONTINUED:

DIEGO
Oh, hell no.

WILL
I told you, I was there. I could
feel the sun from the windows. I
could smell the burnt mattress. It
wasn't a dream.

DIEGO
Of all the partners, I end up with
Mulder wanna-be--

Will sees the building where the vans pulled up outside.

WILL
There. That's it.

BERLIN
Genres: ["Drama","Action","Thriller"]

Summary In this scene, Nomi and Amanita attend the Dyke March in San Francisco, while Will and Diego investigate a location from Will's dream in Chicago. Nomi and Amanita interact affectionately, while Will and Diego banter about Will's actions. The conflict arises when Will becomes determined to investigate the location from his dream, despite Diego's skepticism. The scene ends with Will finding the location and Diego expressing his disbelief.
Strengths
  • Strong character development
  • Emotional depth
  • High stakes
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue could be more impactful

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively combines action, drama, and emotional depth, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the characters' fates.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring themes of identity, family, and sacrifice within the context of a high-stakes situation is well-executed and adds depth to the overall story.

Plot: 8

The plot is engaging and moves the story forward while also delving into the characters' pasts and motivations.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces fresh elements like LGBTQ+ representation and supernatural mysteries, adding authenticity to the characters' actions and dialogue.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed and their interactions reveal layers of complexity and emotion, making them relatable and compelling.

Character Changes: 8

Several characters undergo significant emotional growth and change throughout the scene, deepening their arcs and relationships.

Internal Goal: 8

Nomi's internal goal in this scene is to express her love and commitment to Amanita, reflecting her deep emotional connection and desire for a future together.

External Goal: 7

Will's external goal is to investigate a mysterious location from his dream, reflecting his immediate challenge of uncovering the truth behind his visions.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict is high-stakes and drives the tension of the scene, keeping the audience on the edge of their seats.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Diego's skepticism and Will's determination creating conflict and tension that drive the narrative forward.

High Stakes: 9

The high stakes of life and death, as well as the characters' personal struggles and sacrifices, add urgency and tension to the scene.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by resolving some conflicts while introducing new challenges and deepening the characters' journeys.

Unpredictability: 7

The scene is unpredictable in Will's discovery of the mysterious location, adding suspense and intrigue to the narrative.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict revolves around belief in the supernatural or unexplained phenomena, as Diego doubts Will's experiences and labels him as a 'Mulder wanna-be.' This challenges Will's worldview and values.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from tension and suspense to empathy and hope, making it emotionally impactful.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is realistic and serves to deepen the relationships between the characters, although at times it could be more impactful.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its mix of emotional moments, mystery, and character dynamics, keeping the audience invested in the story.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively balances emotional moments with suspenseful elements, maintaining a rhythm that keeps the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene adheres to expected formatting conventions for its genre, ensuring clarity and readability.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a standard format for character interactions and plot progression, maintaining coherence within its genre.


Critique
  • The scene starts with Nomi and Amanita snuggling, but it's not clear why they're doing so or what the context is.
  • The dialogue between Nomi and Amanita is a bit awkward and unnatural.
  • The transition from the dialogue to the Pride march is abrupt and jarring.
  • The description of the Pride march is too general and doesn't provide a clear sense of the atmosphere or the characters' experience.
  • The scene doesn't have a clear focus or purpose, and it's not clear what the characters are doing or why.
  • The scene ends abruptly with Will seeing the building where the vans pulled up outside, but it's not clear why this is significant or how it relates to the rest of the scene.
Suggestions
  • Start the scene with a clear establishing shot of the Pride march and provide some context for why Nomi and Amanita are there.
  • Rewrite the dialogue between Nomi and Amanita to make it more natural and engaging.
  • Add more descriptive details to the description of the Pride march to help the reader visualize the atmosphere and the characters' experience.
  • Give the scene a clear focus and purpose, and make sure that the characters' actions and dialogue contribute to that purpose.
  • End the scene with a stronger sense of closure, and make sure that the reader understands the significance of Will seeing the building where the vans pulled up outside.



Scene 32 -  Morning Alarm and Burned-Out Apartment Mystery
INT. MANSION - NIGHT

Felix alarm goes off.

FELIX
That's it. It's over.

Wolfgang can't hear him; he is deep in the zone. He can see
the shape of each and every wheel. The combination is a song
on the tip of his tongue--

CHICAGO

INT. BURNED OUT APARTMENT - DAY

The door clicks open. It is the same apartment where the angel
killed herself.

WILL
She killed herself right there.

DIEGO
Where's the blood?

There is no evidence.

DIEGO
Maybe she only shot herself in the
fifth dimension so we can't see the
blood.

Will examines the bed where the angel died.
TV Calling - For educational purposes only


(CONTINUED)
SENSE8 101 48.


CONTINUED:

WILL
Okay. I have never been here before,
yet somehow I know about this?

He opens the hidden compartment in the floor boards.

WILL
There were drugs. And a gun--

But the hole is empty.

BERLIN
Genres: ["Crime","Mystery","Drama"]

Summary Felix's alarm signals the end of something, while Wolfgang tries to decipher a combination in a separate location. Will and Diego examine a burned-out apartment where an angel committed suicide and discover a hidden compartment with evidence of drugs and a gun, but they're missing. The scene takes place in two different locations with the main conflict being the mystery of the missing evidence. The tone is contemplative and mysterious with key pieces of dialogue and significant visual elements highlighting the mystery.
Strengths
  • Building suspense
  • Mystery elements
  • Engaging dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Limited emotional impact
  • Minimal character development

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively builds suspense and mystery, keeping the audience engaged with the discovery of the empty hidden compartment.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of uncovering a hidden compartment in a burned-out apartment adds depth to the storyline and raises questions about what happened in the past.

Plot: 8

The plot thickens with the discovery of the empty hidden compartment, adding a new layer of mystery and intrigue to the overall story.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces unique elements such as references to unseen dimensions and hidden compartments, adding a fresh approach to the investigation genre.


Character Development

Characters: 7

The characters of Will and Diego are further developed through their investigation of the burned-out apartment, showcasing their curiosity and determination.

Character Changes: 5

There is minimal character change in this scene, as the focus is more on uncovering the mystery of the hidden compartment.

Internal Goal: 8

Felix's internal goal in this scene is to come to terms with a situation that he believes is over. This reflects his fear of failure and the unknown.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to investigate the mysterious circumstances surrounding the suicide in the apartment. This reflects the immediate challenge they are facing in solving the case.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict arises from the discovery of the empty hidden compartment, raising questions and tension in the scene.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with obstacles and challenges that keep the audience engaged and unsure of the outcome.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are raised with the discovery of the empty hidden compartment, hinting at deeper secrets and potential danger.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing a new mystery and raising questions about the past events in the burned-out apartment.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected twists and revelations in the investigation.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the idea of unseen dimensions and the unknown. Diego's comment about the fifth dimension challenges Will's understanding of reality and perception.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The scene evokes a sense of curiosity and intrigue, but the emotional impact is not as pronounced as in other scenes.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue between Will and Diego is engaging and helps drive the investigation forward, adding to the suspense of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its mysterious atmosphere, cryptic dialogue, and the unfolding investigation.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining tension and suspense throughout.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a mystery investigation genre, with a clear progression of clues and revelations.


Critique
  • The scene jump between the mansion, the burned-out apartment in Chicago, and Berlin is disorienting and confusing for the reader. The transitions are abrupt and lack context.
  • The dialogue in the burned-out apartment is flat and uninspired. It does not reveal anything new or advance the plot.
  • The Berlin section of the scene is unnecessary and does not add anything to the story.
  • The scene lacks focus and seems to be jumping around without a clear purpose.
  • The pacing of the scene is slow and the action is repetitive, making it difficult for the reader to stay engaged.
Suggestions
  • Combine the Chicago and Berlin sections into one scene to create a more cohesive and focused narrative.
  • Rewrite the dialogue in the burned-out apartment to make it more engaging and informative.
  • Remove the unnecessary Berlin section or find a way to integrate it more effectively into the story.
  • Add more details and descriptions to the scene to make it more vivid and immersive.
  • Consider breaking the scene into smaller sections to create a more dynamic and engaging pace.



Scene 33 -  Dark Secrets and Perilous Heists
INT. MANSION - NIGHT

A car pulls up outside.

FELIX
It's Steiner. We have got to go.

EXT. MANSION - NIGHT

Outside Steiner and two enormous goons unload his equipment.

Inside, Felix is in a full panic.

FELIX
Wolfgang! He's going to kill us.
Please, I do not want to die.

The lock clicks and Wolfgang opens the safe. Felix can't
believe it.

FELIX
You did it? You cracked the
uncrackable?

WOLFGANG
Formerly uncrackable.

He grabs a tray of glittering diamonds, pours them into a bag
and tosses the bag to Felix.

Steiner opens the door just as Wolfgang unclips his loop.
The alarm begins to beep. Steiner rips the box off and cuts
the power and phone lines.

His two goons carry the heavy thermal lance through the door
while Wolfgang and Felix manage to slip out unseen.



TV Calling - For educational purposes only
SENSE8 101 49.




CHICAGO

INT. BURNED OUT APARTMENT - DAY

Diego heads out the door.

DIEGO
When you're done with your seance,
I'll be downstairs.

Will is alone until suddenly he is not.

RILEY
This is where she died...

He whips around and finds Riley standing in the room with
him.

She is radiant in the dark room; his eyes meet hers and it
feels like the ocean meeting the shore.

WILL
Uhh, hi.

Riley nods.

WILL
Did you know her?

She shakes her head.

WILL
How did you know she died here?

RILEY
I saw her.

SAN FRANCISCO

EXT. PARADE - DAY

The parade winds its way to the Castro. Nomi is taking photos,
waving, happy, until a single pair of eyes in the blurring
sea of faces find her like a gun barrel--

Jonas.

Suddenly images from her unconscious come rushing back to her
as she sees Angel and Jonas and Whispers and then--

The taste of the gun in her mouth as we see Nomi where the
Angel had been, her finger on the trigger--
TV Calling - For educational purposes only
And the gunshot.

(CONTINUED)
SENSE8 101 50.


CONTINUED:

AMANITA
Hey. You okay back there?

Nomi faints and falls off the back of the bike. Several on-
lookers scream.

CHICAGO
Genres: ["Crime","Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In Chicago, Will encounters Riley in a burned-out apartment, where Riley reveals she witnessed a woman's death. In San Francisco, Nomi's PTSD is triggered by Jonas's appearance at a parade, causing her to faint and fall off Amanita's bike. Meanwhile, in Berlin, Wolfgang and Felix steal diamonds from a mansion while eluding Steiner and his henchmen. The scene is filled with tension, mystery, and moments of surprise, leaving us eager to discover more about the characters' intertwined destinies.
Strengths
  • Complex plot
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Tension
Weaknesses
  • Slight pacing issues in transitions between locations

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene effectively blends action, emotion, and character development, keeping the audience engaged and invested.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a heist intertwined with personal stories and emotional moments adds depth and complexity to the scene.

Plot: 9

The plot is engaging, with a heist unfolding alongside emotional revelations and character interactions.

Originality: 8

The scene is original in its portrayal of a heist gone wrong and the characters' conflicting emotions. The dialogue feels authentic and adds depth to the characters.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed, each with their own motivations and conflicts that drive the scene forward.

Character Changes: 8

Several characters experience growth and change during the scene, particularly in their relationships and personal revelations.

Internal Goal: 8

Felix's internal goal is to survive and avoid being killed by Steiner. This reflects his fear of death and desire to escape the dangerous situation.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to successfully execute the heist and escape without getting caught. This reflects the immediate challenge they are facing in the scene.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The scene is filled with internal and external conflicts, adding tension and driving the narrative forward.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the characters facing obstacles and challenges that add to the suspense.

High Stakes: 9

The high stakes of the heist, combined with personal conflicts and emotional revelations, raise the tension and importance of the scene.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward significantly, revealing key information and setting up future events.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists and turns in the heist.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between the characters' moral values and their criminal actions. Felix is conflicted about committing a crime to save his life.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The emotional depth of the scene, combined with high stakes and personal revelations, creates a powerful impact on the audience.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is impactful, revealing character depth and advancing the plot effectively.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its high stakes, fast-paced action, and suspenseful atmosphere.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining tension and keeping the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 7

The scene follows the expected formatting for a heist genre, with clear action lines and dialogue.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a heist genre, with a buildup of tension, a climax, and a resolution.


Critique
  • The scene starts without establishing the context or the relationship between Will and Riley. It would be helpful to have a few lines of dialogue or action to establish their connection and why Riley is there.
  • The dialogue feels a bit disjointed and unnatural. For example, when Riley says "This is where she died...", it's not clear what she's referring to or why she knows about the woman's death.
  • The transition to San Francisco is abrupt and confusing. It would be helpful to have a visual or auditory cue to indicate that the scene is changing, and to establish the connection between Nomi and Jonas.
  • Nomi's vision of the gun in her mouth and the gunshot feels out of place and unnecessary. It doesn't seem to connect to the rest of the scene, and it's not clear why it's being shown here.
  • The ending of the scene is anticlimactic and unsatisfying. It's not clear what happens to Riley after she appears, or what the significance of her appearance is.
Suggestions
  • Add a few lines of dialogue or action to establish the relationship between Will and Riley, and to explain why Riley is there.
  • Rewrite the dialogue to make it more natural and flowing. For example, you could have Will ask Riley how she knows about the woman's death.
  • Add a visual or auditory cue to indicate that the scene is changing, and to establish the connection between Nomi and Jonas. For example, you could have Nomi see Jonas in the crowd, or have her hear his voice.
  • Remove the vision of the gun in Nomi's mouth and the gunshot. It doesn't seem to connect to the rest of the scene, and it's not clear why it's being shown here.
  • Rewrite the ending of the scene to make it more climactic and satisfying. For example, you could have Riley disappear, or have her say something that reveals more about her connection to the woman who died.



Scene 34 -  Riley's Confusion and a Violent Encounter
INT. BURNED OUT APARTMENT - DAY

WILL
Do you live here?

She shakes her head.

WILL
Where do you live?

RILEY
London.

WILL
What are you doing here?

RILEY
I don't know. I don't know where I
am.

WILL
Chicago. The near South side.

RILEY
In America?

He nods and she smiles.

RILEY
I've never been to America.

Will isn't sure he understands what she means when she sees
something; something that frightens her

RILEY
Oh no--

We whip pan off her look to London, to Veejay's apartment as
she watches Jacks pull a gun out of an ankle holster--

RILEY
What are you doing?

Veejay turns as Jacks fires at the bodyguard, blood exploding--
TV Calling - For educational purposes only
We whip pan back to Chicago, where Riley screams--

(CONTINUED)
SENSE8 101 51.


CONTINUED:

WILL
What is it? What's wrong?

He looks around trying to follow her look but when he looks
back--

She's gone.

LONDON
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In a burned out apartment in Chicago, Will tries to understand Riley's confusion and fear as she claims to be from London and has never been to America. The scene cuts to London, where Veejay and Jacks are involved in a violent situation, and Riley sees something frightening. The scene ends with Riley disappearing, leaving Will concerned.
Strengths
  • Building suspense
  • Creating mystery
  • Emotional impact
Weaknesses
  • Sudden disappearance may leave some viewers confused

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively builds suspense and mystery through Riley's disappearance, creating a sense of fear and confusion. The emotional impact is high, and the stakes are raised with the sudden turn of events.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a character disappearing in a mysterious way adds intrigue and suspense to the scene, keeping the audience engaged and curious about what will happen next.

Plot: 7

The plot advances as Riley's disappearance raises questions and introduces a new element of mystery. The scene keeps the audience invested in the story and eager to see how it unfolds.

Originality: 9

The scene is original in its use of multiple locations and quick scene changes to build suspense. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and contribute to the overall sense of danger and mystery.


Character Development

Characters: 7

Will and Riley's interaction reveals their dynamic and adds depth to their characters. Riley's sudden disappearance adds complexity and intrigue to her character.

Character Changes: 6

Riley's disappearance prompts a change in Will's demeanor and mindset, setting the stage for potential character growth and development.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to understand the mysterious woman, Riley, and the danger she is in. This reflects his deeper need for connection and protection, as well as his fear of the unknown.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to help Riley and navigate the dangerous situation they find themselves in. This reflects the immediate circumstances and challenges they are facing.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict arises from Riley's sudden disappearance, creating tension and uncertainty for Will and the audience.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the characters facing danger and uncertainty. The audience is unsure of how the characters will overcome the obstacles they face, adding to the suspense and tension.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high as Riley's disappearance adds a sense of danger and urgency to the scene, leaving Will and the audience on edge.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing a new mystery and raising the stakes for the characters, setting up future developments and conflicts.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the sudden shifts in location and the unexpected actions of the characters. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of what will happen next.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the clash between safety and danger, trust and suspicion. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs about human nature and the world around him.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The emotional impact is high due to the fear and confusion evoked by Riley's disappearance, leaving a lasting impression on both Will and the audience.

Dialogue: 6

The dialogue is concise and serves to move the scene forward, with a focus on Riley's mysterious revelation and subsequent disappearance.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its fast-paced dialogue, tense atmosphere, and mysterious characters. The reader is drawn into the action and eager to learn more about the unfolding mystery.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is effective, with quick dialogue exchanges and scene changes that maintain the tension and suspense. The rhythm of the scene keeps the reader engaged and eager to see what happens next.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 7

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear dialogue and scene descriptions that enhance the reader's understanding of the action.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene transitions and character interactions driving the plot forward.


Critique
  • The scene starts abruptly without providing context or establishing the characters' relationship.
  • Riley's character is introduced without giving the audience any background or motivation, making it difficult to connect with her.
  • The dialogue is brief and does not provide much insight into the characters or their situation.
  • The sudden cut to London and then back to Chicago without a clear transition disrupts the flow of the scene and can be confusing for the audience.
  • The scene ends abruptly without resolving the conflict or providing any closure.
  • The use of whip pans and camera cuts is excessive and can be disorienting for the audience.
  • The scene lacks visual details and descriptions, making it difficult for the audience to visualize the setting and the characters' actions.
  • The character of Veejay is not introduced or explained, leaving the audience confused about his role in the scene.
Suggestions
  • Start the scene with a brief establishing shot that provides context and sets the mood.
  • Establish Riley's character by providing some background information or motivation, such as why she is in Chicago and what she is looking for.
  • Expand the dialogue to allow the characters to interact more and develop their relationship.
  • Use transitions to smoothly connect the different locations and avoid confusing the audience.
  • Provide a clear resolution to the conflict or at least give some indication of what happens next.
  • Use camera techniques in moderation and with purpose, rather than excessively.
  • Add visual details and descriptions to help the audience visualize the setting and the characters' actions.
  • Introduce and explain the character of Veejay, making it clear who he is and what his role is.



Scene 35 -  Deadly Confrontation at Veejay's Apartment
INT. VEEJAY'S APARTMENT

Veejay is on his knees with Jacks pressing his gun to his
head.

JACKS
Open the fuckin' safe! Open it
now!

Veejay dials the combination of the floor safe.

RILEY
Why are you doing this?

JACKS
He just got a shipment in. Me and
Nocker been tracking it.

Veejay opens the safe. Inside is a gun. He reaches for it
and Jacks digs the barrel against the back of his neck.

JACKS
Smart guy like you's probably got a
gun in there.

RILEY
Don't hurt him--

JACKS
Why? You wanna fuck him? You wanna
suck his uncut cock?

There is cruelty even in his laugh.

VEEJAY
You should get out of here. Now.

JACKS
Riles, he'd kill you without blinking
if I didn't have this.

Jacks kicks him down and reaches into the safe, finding the
gun. He laughs. TV Calling - For educational purposes only


(CONTINUED)
SENSE8 101 52.


CONTINUED:

JACKS
See? A fuckin' Smart Guy!

RILEY
I have to go--

Jacks grabs her, snatches her purse and throws it to Nocker.

JACKS
You're a part of this. Now fill it
up.

RILEY
Let me go--

JACKS
Riles, this is the break we've been
waiting for. You said you wanted
to go to America--

Nocker fills her purse with bricks of cash and handfuls of
DMT while Veejay moves toward another weapon hidden near his
water pipe, his hand inching toward the handle of a knife as--

Riley sees the bodyguard, blood still pumping from his chest
as he tries to lift the shotgun--

Jacks follows her stare turning as he fires--

The shotgun blast ripping off Jacks leg just below the knee--

Riley screams as Jacks goes down--

Nocker grabbing for his gun as Veejay strikes, stabbing him
in the neck--

Nocker spins, emptying his gun into Veejay--

While Jacks fires at the body guard--

The body guard squeezing his last round, blowing half of Jacks
face off.

The violence ends as abruptly as it started. Riley is speckled
with blood, standing alone in a room full of dead men.

SAN FRANCISCO
Genres: ["Crime","Thriller","Drama"]

Summary Jacks, accompanied by Nocker, forces Veejay to open his safe at gunpoint, revealing a gun inside. Jacks mocks Riley and threatens both Veejay and Riley. Nocker fills Riley's purse with cash and DMT. A violent shootout ensues, resulting in the deaths of Jacks, Nocker, and Veejay, as well as severe injuries to the bodyguard. The scene is visually violent, with Riley standing alone in a room full of dead men and covered in blood by the end.
Strengths
  • Intense atmosphere
  • High stakes
  • Unexpected twists
Weaknesses
  • Graphic violence
  • Potentially triggering content

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly impactful, filled with tension, violence, and unexpected twists, keeping the audience on the edge of their seats.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a robbery turning deadly is executed with precision, showcasing the consequences of criminal actions and the unpredictability of such situations.

Plot: 9

The plot is gripping, with a robbery escalating into a violent confrontation, leading to multiple deaths and a sense of chaos and danger.

Originality: 9

The scene demonstrates a high level of originality through its fresh approach to the crime genre, complex character dynamics, and morally ambiguous conflicts. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds depth and realism to the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-defined, with Jacks as a ruthless criminal, Veejay as a victim caught in the crossfire, and Riley as a witness to the unfolding tragedy.

Character Changes: 7

Riley witnesses the violent events unfold, which could potentially lead to a change in her perspective on crime and violence.

Internal Goal: 8

Veejay's internal goal in this scene is to protect himself and his possessions while also trying to maintain a sense of control and composure in a dangerous situation. This reflects his deeper need for survival and self-preservation.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to survive the violent confrontation and protect Riley from harm. This goal reflects the immediate circumstances of being threatened by armed criminals.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is intense and multi-layered, involving a robbery, a deadly confrontation, and a struggle for survival.

Opposition: 9

The opposition in the scene is strong and difficult to overcome, with the characters facing life-threatening danger and moral dilemmas. The audience is kept in suspense, unsure of how the conflict will be resolved and who will emerge victorious.

High Stakes: 10

The stakes are extremely high in the scene, with multiple lives on the line, intense violence, and irreversible consequences.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by introducing a major conflict, escalating the tension, and setting the stage for further developments.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the sudden and unexpected twists in the plot, such as the violent confrontation and the characters' surprising actions. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how the situation will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the characters' differing values and moral compasses. Jacks represents a ruthless and violent approach to achieving his goals, while Veejay and Riley are more concerned with protecting themselves and each other. This conflict challenges the protagonist's beliefs about loyalty, trust, and the consequences of criminal behavior.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes strong emotions of fear, shock, and tension, as the characters face life-threatening situations and tragic outcomes.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is tense and impactful, reflecting the high-stakes nature of the situation and the characters' emotions.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense and suspenseful atmosphere, complex character dynamics, and high-stakes conflict. The audience is drawn into the characters' struggles and conflicts, rooting for the protagonist to overcome the obstacles and survive the dangerous situation.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is fast-paced and dynamic, with a balance of action, dialogue, and description that keeps the audience engaged and invested in the characters' struggles. The rhythm of the scene contributes to its effectiveness in building tension and suspense.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene adheres to the expected format for a screenplay in the crime genre. The clear and concise descriptions of action and dialogue enhance the readability and impact of the scene.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for a tense and action-packed confrontation in a crime thriller. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness in building tension and suspense.


Critique
  • The scene is too long and has too many characters and subplots. It's hard to follow and keep track of what's going on.
  • The dialogue is stilted and unnatural. It doesn't sound like the way people actually talk.
  • The violence is gratuitous and unnecessary. It doesn't add anything to the story and it's just gratuitous.
  • The ending is abrupt and unsatisfying. It leaves the reader hanging and feeling like they didn't get closure.
Suggestions
  • Cut down on the number of characters and subplots. Focus on one or two main characters and their stories.
  • Rewrite the dialogue to make it more natural and believable.
  • Tone down the violence or find a way to make it more meaningful to the story.
  • Give the scene a more satisfying ending. Resolve the conflict and give the reader a sense of closure.



Scene 36 -  Nomi's Hospital Awakening and Identity Conflict
INT. ST MARY'S HOSPITAL - DAY

Nomi wakes in a hospital bed. She is disorientated and for a
moment can't recognize the face of her sister Teagan.
TV Calling - For educational purposes only


(CONTINUED)
SENSE8 101 53.


CONTINUED:

TEAGAN
Mom! She's up! You lunatic. You
had us scared out of our wits.

Nomi's mother, JANET rushes in with the nurse.

JANET
Oh thank God! He's conscious. I
was sure he was going to be in a
coma for the rest of my life.

The nurse begins taking her vitals.

NURSE
How are you feeling Michael?

Nomi feels a unique kind of awkwardness that only the
transgendered know.

NOMI
My name is Nomi.

NURSE
I'm sorry. Your mom kept calling
you--

NOMI
My name is Nomi.

JANET
What kind of name is Nomi? Have
you ever heard of anyone named Nomi?
You were Michael before you came
out of me and you'll be Michael
until they put me in my grave.

TEAGAN
Mom! Come on, she almost died!

JANET
Serves you right. You shouldn't be
riding motorcycles. Do you know
how many people die per year on
those things? She was just telling
me--

NOMI
Where's Amanita?

JANET
She left--

NOMI TV Calling - For educational purposes only
She wouldn't have left me--

(CONTINUED)
SENSE8 101 54.


CONTINUED:

JANET
The hospital only allows family
into critical care.

NOMI
She is my family.

JANET
Please Michael. This isn't your
blog. This is your life.

NOMI
I think you should go--

JANET
I'm not going anywhere. I'm your
mother and I love you. It may be
on my terms but I do, so I'm not
leaving here until you talk to Doctor
Metzger. If you still want me to
go after he tells you what he told
us, then I promise I will leave you
alone.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary Nomi, a transgender woman, wakes up in the hospital after an accident and corrects the nurse and her mother, Janet, that her name is Nomi. However, Janet struggles to accept Nomi's name and identity, causing tension. Nomi wants to see her partner, Amanita, but Janet refuses to let her in, stating only family is allowed in critical care. Teagan, Nomi's sister, tries to mediate the conflict. The scene ends with Janet promising to leave if Nomi still wants her to after speaking with Doctor Metzger.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Tension in dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Some repetitive dialogue
  • Lack of external action

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively conveys tension, emotion, and conflict through the interactions between Nomi, her mother, and sister. The dialogue is impactful and reveals deep-seated issues within the family.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of family acceptance and identity is central to the scene, driving the emotional core of the characters' interactions.

Plot: 7

The plot progresses as Nomi wakes up in the hospital and faces challenges with her family, adding depth to her character arc.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on transgender identity and family dynamics, with authentic character interactions and emotional depth.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed, with Nomi's struggle for acceptance and her mother's protective but conflicted nature adding layers to the scene.

Character Changes: 8

Nomi undergoes a significant emotional journey as she confronts her mother about her identity, leading to potential growth and change in their relationship.

Internal Goal: 8

Nomi's internal goal is to assert her identity as Nomi and not be referred to as Michael, reflecting her need for acceptance and understanding from her family.

External Goal: 7

Nomi's external goal is to find Amanita and have her by her side, reflecting her immediate need for emotional support and connection.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between Nomi and her mother regarding her identity creates a tense and emotional atmosphere in the scene.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting viewpoints and emotional barriers that challenge the protagonist's goals and beliefs.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are high as Nomi faces the possibility of rejection from her family due to her identity.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by deepening the exploration of Nomi's character and her relationships with her family members.

Unpredictability: 7

The scene is somewhat predictable in terms of family drama and identity struggles, but the emotional depth adds a layer of unpredictability.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict is between Nomi's desire for acceptance and understanding of her identity versus her mother's resistance to change and insistence on her birth name.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The emotional impact is high as Nomi grapples with her identity and her mother's reluctance to fully accept her.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is confrontational and emotional, revealing the underlying tensions and conflicts within the family dynamic.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to the intense emotional conflicts and personal revelations that drive the character interactions.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotional stakes, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the characters' struggles.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene is formatted correctly for its genre, with clear dialogue attribution and scene descriptions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a standard format for a dramatic hospital setting, with clear character introductions and conflict development.


Critique
  • The scene lacks context and the viewer is thrown into a situation without any prior knowledge or understanding of the characters, their relationships or the events leading up to this moment.
  • The dialogue is unnatural and lacks emotional depth, making it difficult for the viewer to connect with the characters or the situation.
  • The pacing is disjointed, with the scene jumping abruptly from one moment to the next, making it difficult for the viewer to follow the narrative.
  • The scene lacks a clear goal or conflict, making it unclear what the characters are trying to achieve or what the stakes are.
  • The ending of the scene is abrupt and unsatisfying, leaving the viewer with more questions than answers.
Suggestions
  • Provide more context and backstory to help the viewer understand the characters, their relationships and the events leading up to this scene.
  • Rewrite the dialogue to make it more natural and emotionally engaging, allowing the viewer to connect with the characters and the situation.
  • Revise the pacing to create a smoother, more cohesive narrative that allows the viewer to easily follow the events of the scene.
  • Establish a clear goal or conflict for the scene, giving the characters something to strive for or a problem to overcome.
  • Provide a more satisfying ending to the scene that resolves the conflict or provides closure for the viewer.



Scene 37 -  Introduction of a New Taskforce and a Dangerous Criminal
INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - DAY

Turkel stands before the room full of cops in the briefing
room.

TURKEL
I know a lot of you have seen me
lurking about. It's not just because
I'm a Butterscotch bacon doughnut
addict which I freely admit I have
become since arriving in your fair
city--

The cops chuckle in approval.

TURKEL
The truth is I'm heading up a
taskforce with Home Security which
means I'm here to help you guys
catch Bad Guys.

He clicks on his computer bringing up photographs from airport
security.

TURKEL
And this guy here is one of the
worst. Goes by a lot of names.
Jonas Barnett most recently.
(more) TV Calling - For educational purposes only


(CONTINUED)
SENSE8 101 55.


CONTINUED:

TURKEL (Cont'd)
Wanted for everything from terrorism
to peddling government secrets by
every intelligence agency in the
West. He was caught by these airport
cameras coming into Chicago last
night on the red eye.

Will recognizes Jonas.

DIEGO
What?

WILL
You won't believe me.

DIEGO
Don't say it.

WILL
He was there.

DIEGO
Aw no. I told you not to.

Will begins to feel the infectious grove of Beyonce's "Crazy
in Love."

WILL
He was with her just before she
killed herself.

DIEGO
Have you lost your mind?

His head is bobbing as he starts to sing.

WILL
You Love's got me lookin' so crazy,
lookin' so crazy--

BERLIN
Genres: ["Crime","Thriller","Drama"]

Summary Turkel, the head of a taskforce to catch criminals, addresses a room full of cops, introducing himself and showing them pictures of the wanted criminal Jonas Barnett. Will, one of the cops, recognizes Jonas and reveals that he was with the woman who killed herself earlier, causing a conflict with Diego. The scene takes place in the police department's briefing room during the day and the tone is serious, with moments of humor. The scene ends with Will's revelation, potentially causing trouble for himself.
Strengths
  • Engaging concept
  • Tension between characters
  • Mix of suspense and humor
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue may be cliché or predictable

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively sets up a new storyline involving a dangerous criminal, introduces tension between characters, and provides a mix of suspense and humor.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a taskforce briefing to catch a notorious criminal is engaging and sets the stage for future plot developments.

Plot: 8

The plot advances with the introduction of the criminal and the conflict between characters, adding depth to the overall story.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on crime investigation by incorporating humor and personal connections to the case. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 7

The characters show depth and conflicting emotions, especially Will's revelation about the criminal's involvement in a past event.

Character Changes: 6

Will's revelation about the criminal's past involvement hints at potential character growth and development in future scenes.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to uncover the truth about Jonas Barnett and his connection to the suicide of a woman. This reflects Will's need for justice and closure, as well as his fear of being dismissed or not believed.

External Goal: 9

The protagonist's external goal is to assist the task force in catching Jonas Barnett, a dangerous criminal. This reflects the immediate challenge of apprehending a wanted fugitive.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between Will and Diego regarding the criminal's involvement creates tension, while Turkel's humorous approach adds a lighter tone.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Diego's skepticism challenging the protagonist's beliefs and adding conflict to the investigation.

High Stakes: 8

The high stakes of catching a dangerous criminal add tension and urgency to the scene.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing a new plotline and setting up future conflicts and resolutions.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected personal revelation about the protagonist's connection to the criminal suspect, adding a layer of complexity to the investigation.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict revolves around the protagonist's belief in the truth of his observations and the skepticism of others. Will's worldview is challenged by Diego's disbelief in his claims.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes conflicting emotions, from suspense to humor, keeping the audience engaged.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is engaging and reveals character dynamics, adding to the tension and humor of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its blend of suspense, humor, and personal stakes for the protagonist. The introduction of a dangerous criminal and the protagonist's emotional connection to the case keep the audience invested.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and suspense, with a balance of dialogue and action to maintain audience interest.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear dialogue attribution and scene descriptions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a crime investigation genre, with a briefing room setting, introduction of a criminal suspect, and protagonist's personal connection to the case.


Critique
  • The scene starts off well with Turkel's introduction, but the pacing feels a bit off when Will and Diego's conversation about Jonas is cut off by a sudden shift to Berlin. It might be more effective to keep the focus on the Chicago storyline and explore Will's reaction to Jonas's appearance in the burned-out apartment further.
  • The dialogue between Will and Diego could benefit from more specificity about Jonas's role in the woman's death and how Will recognizes him. This would help ground the scene in a clearer context and make the stakes feel higher.
  • The transition to Berlin feels abrupt and disconnected from the previous scene. Consider finding a more organic way to connect the two storylines or focusing on one for this particular scene.
Suggestions
  • Develop the Chicago storyline further by having Will and Diego investigate Jonas's involvement in the woman's death, which would add tension and urgency to the scene.
  • Give more context to Will's recognition of Jonas by having Will recall specific details about him, such as his appearance or demeanor, to make the connection feel more believable.
  • If you choose to keep the Berlin storyline, consider finding a more natural way to transition between the two storylines, such as having a character mention something that connects them, to create a more cohesive narrative flow.



Scene 38 -  Felix's Energetic Karaoke Performance at Monster Ronson's
INT. MONSTER RONSON'S KARAOKE - NIGHT

--where Wolfgang and everyone else in the bar are laughing
their asses off watching Felix, rolling on the ground, twerking
it up Beyonce style as he finishes the last few bars of "Crazy
in Love."

They applaud as he climbs down off the small stage and lands
on a stool beside Wolfgang, laughing and sweating.
TV Calling - For educational purposes only


(CONTINUED)
SENSE8 101 56.


CONTINUED:

FELIX
I need more beer.
(calling off)
More beer!
(to Wolfgang)
I am going next for Total Eclipse
of the Heart. If I do not survive
the attempt, tell my friends I died
in a worthy cause.

Wolfgang smiles and sips his beer while Felix chugs his.

FELIX
Oh my god. I think this could be
the best day of my life.

He slaps Wolfgang on the back.

FELIX
You did it! You fucking did it!

WOLFGANG
We did it.

He raises his arm.

FELIX
The best goddamn boxman in the world!

SAN FRANCISCO
Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

Summary In this light-hearted and celebratory scene, Felix puts on a fun and energetic karaoke performance of Beyonce's 'Crazy in Love' at Monster Ronson's Karaoke bar, receiving applause and laughter from the audience. He expresses his excitement and plans to sing 'Total Eclipse of the Heart' next. Wolfgang, who sits beside Felix, shares a moment of camaraderie and acknowledges their success together. The scene ends with Felix slapping Wolfgang on the back and expressing his excitement, while Wolfgang acknowledges their success together.
Strengths
  • Strong character dynamics
  • Humorous moments
  • Heartfelt interactions
Weaknesses
  • Lack of significant conflict
  • Limited plot progression

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is engaging, entertaining, and emotionally resonant, with a good balance of humor and heartwarming moments.


Story Content

Concept: 7

The concept of friends bonding over karaoke and celebrating their success is well-executed and adds depth to the characters.

Plot: 7

The plot progresses through character interactions and showcases their relationships and dynamics.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh and entertaining take on a familiar setting, with unique character dynamics and humorous moments that feel authentic.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Wolfgang and Felix are well-developed, with distinct personalities and a strong bond that shines through in the scene.

Character Changes: 5

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, it further solidifies the bond between Wolfgang and Felix.

Internal Goal: 8

Felix's internal goal in this scene is to have a good time and enjoy himself. His desire for fun and excitement is reflected in his actions and dialogue.

External Goal: 7

Felix's external goal is to entertain the crowd and have a successful performance. This goal is directly related to the immediate circumstances of being on stage at the karaoke bar.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 3

There is minimal conflict in the scene, focusing more on the characters' interactions and bonding.

Opposition: 5

The opposition in this scene is minimal, as the focus is on the characters' enjoyment and camaraderie rather than conflict or obstacles.

High Stakes: 2

The stakes are low in this scene, focusing more on character interactions and bonding.

Story Forward: 6

The scene adds depth to the characters and their relationships, contributing to the overall narrative.

Unpredictability: 6

This scene is somewhat predictable in terms of the characters' actions and outcomes, but the humor and energy of the scene still make it enjoyable.

Philosophical Conflict: 0

There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene. The focus is on the characters' enjoyment and camaraderie.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes emotions of joy, camaraderie, and friendship, resonating with the audience.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is witty, engaging, and reveals more about the characters' personalities and relationships.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the humor, lively dialogue, and entertaining character interactions that keep the audience invested in the story.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a good balance of dialogue and action that keeps the energy high and the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and easy to follow, adhering to standard screenplay conventions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a typical structure for a comedic moment in a screenplay, with clear character interactions and progression.


Critique
  • The scene is very short and doesn't give much context.
  • The dialogue is a little bit cheesy and doesn't sound natural.
Suggestions
  • Add more context to the scene so that the reader knows what is happening and why.
  • Rewrite the dialogue to make it sound more natural and believable.



Scene 39 -  Nomi's Life-Changing Diagnosis
INT. ST MARY'S HOSPITAL - DAY

DOCTOR METZGER shows the MRI scan as Nomi looks on nervously.
He calls up another MRI scan on the screen beside Nomi's.

DOCTOR METZGER
This is what a normal, healthy brain
looks like. Two distinct, well-
differentiated frontal lobes. The
problem begins here in the substantia
Alba of the frontal lobe. These
two masses are growing into one
another.

JANET
You see? There's no separation.

DOCTOR METZGER
It's often misdiagnosed as acute
encephalitis but it's a condition
called UFLS, Undifferentiated Frontal
Lobe Syndrome. TV Calling - For educational purposes only


(CONTINUED)
SENSE8 101 57.


CONTINUED:

NOMI
Acronyms are scary.

DOCTOR METZGER
Yeah, I'll be honest with you, Nomi
is it?

She nods.

DOCTOR METZGER
It's not good. How is your headache
doing?

NOMI
Better.

DOCTOR METZGER
We can help mitigate the symptoms
for a while...

NOMI
But?

DOCTOR METZGER
There is a procedure for treating
UFLS but it requires a very
aggressive surgery where we go in
and try to cut away the growth.

NOMI
Oh my god...

JANET
The surgery is also incredibly
expensive. You're going to need
our insurance--

TEAGAN
Mom--

JANET
These are just facts Teagan--

NOMI
You're saying I have to have brain
surgery?

BERLIN
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary Inside St. Mary's Hospital, Doctor Metzger diagnoses Nomi with Undifferentiated Frontal Lobe Syndrome (UFLS) and explains the risky, expensive surgery to treat it. Nomi's step-mother, Janet, brings up the need for insurance, causing tension in the scene. Nomi's sister, Teagan, tries to stop Janet from talking about money. The scene ends with Nomi processing the news of her diagnosis and the possibility of surgery.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Informative dialogue
  • Character development
Weaknesses
  • Potential lack of visual elements
  • Limited action

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively conveys the seriousness of Nomi's medical condition and the emotional turmoil she faces upon learning about it. The dialogue is informative and engaging, keeping the audience invested in Nomi's journey.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a character facing a life-threatening medical condition adds depth and complexity to the storyline. The introduction of Undifferentiated Frontal Lobe Syndrome as a unique and serious condition creates intrigue and raises the stakes for Nomi.

Plot: 7

The plot revolves around Nomi's diagnosis and the potential need for brain surgery, which drives the emotional conflict in the scene. The revelation of her condition propels the story forward and sets up future developments.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a unique medical condition and treatment option, adding a fresh perspective to the familiar theme of facing a serious illness. The authenticity of the characters' reactions and dialogue enhances the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters, particularly Nomi, her mother Janet, and sister Teagan, are well-developed and their interactions reveal their relationships and dynamics. Nomi's emotional response to the diagnosis adds depth to her character.

Character Changes: 8

Nomi undergoes a significant emotional change in the scene as she processes the news of her diagnosis and begins to come to terms with the potential need for surgery. Her vulnerability and fear are evident, showing a new side to her character.

Internal Goal: 8

Nomi's internal goal is likely to come to terms with her diagnosis and the potential need for brain surgery. This reflects her deeper fears of facing a serious medical condition and the uncertainty of her future.

External Goal: 7

Nomi's external goal is to understand her medical condition and treatment options. This reflects the immediate challenge she is facing in dealing with a serious health issue.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict in the scene arises from Nomi's diagnosis and the differing reactions of her family members. The emotional conflict between Nomi, Janet, and Teagan adds tension and drama to the scene.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene comes from Nomi's medical condition and the difficult decision she must make about her treatment. The uncertainty of the outcome adds to the tension and conflict.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in the scene as Nomi faces a life-threatening medical condition and the possibility of brain surgery. The emotional impact of the diagnosis and the potential consequences raise the stakes for Nomi and her family.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing Nomi's medical condition and setting up potential future developments related to her diagnosis and treatment. It raises the stakes for Nomi and adds complexity to her character arc.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it introduces a rare medical condition and unexpected treatment option, adding a layer of uncertainty to Nomi's future.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the value of life, medical intervention, and the cost of healthcare. It challenges Nomi's beliefs about her own mortality and the impact of her condition on her life.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact as Nomi grapples with the news of her diagnosis and the potential need for surgery. The audience is likely to empathize with Nomi's fear and uncertainty, creating a strong emotional connection.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue effectively conveys the medical information about Nomi's condition while also showcasing the emotional tension between the characters. It keeps the audience engaged and invested in the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it presents a high-stakes situation with emotional depth and character development. The dialogue and tension keep the audience invested in Nomi's journey.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and reveals important information at a steady pace, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the outcome.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with proper scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a dramatic moment in a medical setting, with clear dialogue and character interactions that drive the narrative forward.


Critique
  • The scene efficiently conveys the diagnosis of Nomi's condition and the potential treatment options. However, it could benefit from a bit more emotional depth and character development.
  • The dialogue could be enhanced to make the characters more relatable and the situation more emotionally resonant. For instance, Nomi's reaction to the diagnosis could be more nuanced and reflective of her inner turmoil.
  • The scene's pacing feels a bit rushed, especially with the introduction of the MRI scans and technical medical terms. Slowing down the pace and allowing the characters to process the information could add depth and emotional weight.
  • Consider expanding on Janet's character. Her primary role in the scene is to emphasize the financial aspect of the surgery, but exploring her emotional state as Nomi's mother could add depth to her character.
  • The scene could benefit from a stronger visual element. Incorporating specific details about the hospital room, the characters' body language, or the surrounding environment could enhance the scene's atmosphere and immersion.
  • The transition to Berlin at the end of the scene feels abrupt and disjointed. Providing a smoother transition or incorporating elements that connect the two scenes would improve the flow of the narrative.
Suggestions
  • Delve deeper into Nomi's emotional state upon receiving the diagnosis. Explore her fears, doubts, and hopes through her inner monologue or conversations with others.
  • Heighten the tension by building up to the diagnosis gradually. Begin with Nomi experiencing increasingly severe symptoms, leading to her seeking medical attention and the eventual revelation of her condition.
  • Provide more context and backstory for Janet. Explain her relationship with Nomi and her motivations for focusing on the financial implications of the surgery.
  • Incorporate sensory details and specific descriptions of the hospital environment to create a more immersive and atmospheric scene.
  • Consider adding a brief transitional scene or dialogue that connects the Berlin storyline to Nomi's diagnosis, establishing a thematic or narrative link between the two.



Scene 40 -  Two Paths, One Night - A Tale of Rage and Surgery
INT. MONSTER RONSON'S KARAOKE - NIGHT

Wolfgang starts listening to the YOUNG WOMAN singing another
love song. TV Calling - For educational purposes only


(CONTINUED)
SENSE8 101 58.


CONTINUED:

She is not very good but she is trying.

Suddenly there is a large booming laugh from a corner table.

DRUNK MAN
Worse than going to the fuckin'
dentist.

He sends out another huge laugh. The laughter triggers the
memory of his father.

Wolfgang tries to suppress the rage that suddenly erupts inside
of him but another round of heckling laughter is too much.

Calmly he sets his beer down and gets up from the bar.

SAN FRANCISCO

INT. ST MARY'S HOSPITAL - DAY

DOCTOR METZGER
It sounds scary but the prognosis
is a lot scarier.

NOMI
You mean if I don't have the surgery?

DOCTOR METZGER
Without surgery the tissue will
continue to metastasize. Patients
begin to experience a deterioration
of mental faculties. It is very
common for them to experience very
intense, very real hallucinations
and synesthesia. The osculation of
the nervous system usually precedes
complete loss of memory and an
occlusion of identity.

JANET
He told us if he didn't operate
immediately, you could be dead within
six months.

TEAGAN
Jesus christ mom!

BERLIN
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In the lively Monster Ronson's Karaoke bar at night, Wolfgang experiences rage after a drunk man heckles a young woman's performance, reminding him of his father. Simultaneously, Nomi, at St. Mary's Hospital, learns about the necessity and potential consequences of brain surgery from Dr. Metzger and her mother. The scene is filled with anger, tension, anxiety, and fear, capturing the contrasting emotions of the two characters as they face their respective conflicts.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Tension
  • Character development
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue could be more impactful

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively combines emotional depth, tension, and high stakes to create a compelling narrative.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of facing personal demons, making life-altering decisions, and dealing with family dynamics is well-executed.

Plot: 8

The plot advances significantly with revelations about Nomi's condition and the challenges faced by Wolfgang.

Originality: 7

The scene introduces a familiar situation of confrontation in a bar setting but adds depth through the characters' internal struggles and emotional complexity. The dialogue feels authentic and the actions are believable.


Character Development

Characters: 7

The characters show vulnerability, strength, and complex emotions, adding depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 8

Wolfgang confronts his past, Nomi faces a life-changing decision, and Janet grapples with accepting Nomi's identity.

Internal Goal: 8

Wolfgang's internal goal in this scene is to control his rage triggered by memories of his father. This reflects his deeper need for emotional control and the fear of losing his temper in public.

External Goal: 7

Wolfgang's external goal is to confront the drunk man who is heckling the young woman. This reflects the immediate challenge he faces in standing up for someone being mistreated.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

There is internal conflict within Wolfgang and external conflict surrounding Nomi's medical condition.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Wolfgang facing a challenging situation that tests his emotional control and values. The audience is unsure of how he will react, adding to the tension.

High Stakes: 9

The high stakes of Nomi's health and Wolfgang's emotional journey heighten the tension and importance of the scene.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by revealing crucial information and setting up future conflicts.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected escalation of conflict and the characters' complex emotions. The outcome is uncertain, keeping the audience on edge.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between Wolfgang's desire for emotional control and the drunk man's lack of empathy or respect for others. This challenges Wolfgang's values of decency and standing up for what is right.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions through the characters' struggles and the high stakes involved.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue effectively conveys the characters' emotions and motivations.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the intense emotional conflict and the characters' compelling motivations. The audience is drawn into the tension and suspense of the moment.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a gradual buildup of tension and suspense leading to a climactic moment. The rhythm of the dialogue and action enhances the emotional impact.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings and descriptions. The dialogue is formatted correctly and contributes to the overall flow of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with a buildup of tension and conflict leading to a resolution. The pacing and rhythm are effective in conveying the emotional intensity of the moment.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear conflict or goal for Wolfgang. He simply reacts to the drunk man's heckling and then gets up from the bar. It's not clear what he intends to do next or what the stakes are for him.
  • The transition from the karaoke bar in Berlin to the hospital in San Francisco is abrupt and jarring. It's not clear how these two scenes are connected or how they relate to each other.
  • The dialogue in the hospital scene is very clinical and technical. It's difficult for the audience to connect with Nomi's emotional experience or to understand the stakes of her situation.
  • The scene ends without any resolution or sense of closure. It's not clear what will happen to Nomi or what the next step will be.
Suggestions
  • Give Wolfgang a clear goal or motivation for getting up from the bar. Perhaps he wants to confront the drunk man or to protect the young woman who is singing.
  • Establish a clear connection between the karaoke bar scene and the hospital scene. Perhaps Wolfgang's rage at the drunk man triggers a memory of his father, which leads him to seek medical help for his own mental health issues.
  • Use more emotional and accessible language in the dialogue in the hospital scene. Help the audience to connect with Nomi's fear and desperation.
  • End the scene with a sense of closure or resolution. Perhaps Nomi makes a decision about her surgery or she receives some news that changes the situation.



Scene 41 -  Conflicts of Identity and Acceptance in Two Settings
INT. MONSTER RONSON'S KARAOKE - NIGHT

The drunk barely has time to look up before Wolfgang hauls
him out of the chair and begins TV
beating
Callinghim--
- For educational purposes only


(CONTINUED)
SENSE8 101 59.


CONTINUED:

His fists battering the helpless man as he tries to drive a
ghost from his mind.

Felix jumps in and saves the man's life, dragging Wolfgang
from the terrified room.

SAN FRANCISCO

INT. ST MARY'S HOSPITAL - DAY

With no one there to defend her, Nomi begins to cry. Janet
goes to put her arm around her--

JANET
You understand now, Michael? You're
going to need us. You're going to
need all the help you can get--

NOMI
Don't touch me!

She knocks her away with the same fury that Wolfgang unleashed.

JANET
Michael--

NOMI
(German)
<I HATE YOU!>

The foreign language catches everyone, including Nomi off
balance.

TEAGAN
Since when do you speak German?

Metzger makes a note.

METZGER
I've seen UL patients speak all
manner of languages. Including
some that don't exist.

NOMI
Can I be alone now--

JANET
I want you to know you're my child
and I love you--

NOMI
Please. Just leave me the fuck
alone. TV Calling - For educational purposes only
SENSE8 101 60.




LONDON
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In a karaoke bar in Berlin, Wolfgang gets into a physical altercation with a drunk man, while in St. Mary's Hospital in San Francisco, Nomi, a trans woman, struggles with her identity and acceptance. Nomi becomes emotional when Janet, her adoptive mother, calls her by her birth name, Michael, leading to a heated exchange. Meanwhile, Wolfgang's anger and frustration are taken out on the drunk man. The scene highlights the conflicts in Nomi's life and Wolfgang's aggression, set in two different locations with contrasting tones.
Strengths
  • Intense emotional moments
  • Revealing character interactions
  • Exploration of personal struggles
Weaknesses
  • Sudden language switch
  • Some abrupt transitions

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is impactful, emotionally charged, and reveals crucial information about the characters. The intense confrontations and emotional moments keep the audience engaged.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of identity, family relationships, and medical diagnosis are central to the scene. The exploration of personal struggles and conflicts adds depth to the narrative.

Plot: 7

The plot progresses through the emotional interactions and revelations about the characters. The conflicts and tensions drive the story forward.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to family dynamics and emotional conflict, with unique character interactions and unexpected reactions. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters display strong emotions, complex relationships, and personal growth. Their interactions and reactions add depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 8

Several characters experience significant emotional changes and revelations in the scene, leading to personal growth and self-realization.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to assert her independence and push away those trying to control or comfort her. This reflects her deeper need for autonomy and self-determination, as well as her fear of being vulnerable or dependent on others.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to be left alone and have space to process her emotions. This reflects the immediate challenge of dealing with unwanted attention and interference from others.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The scene is filled with internal and external conflicts, emotional confrontations, and revelations that heighten the tension and drama.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting desires and motivations driving the characters' actions. The audience is left uncertain about the outcome, adding suspense and drama to the scene.

High Stakes: 8

The high stakes involve personal identity, family dynamics, and medical diagnosis, adding urgency and emotional weight to the scene.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by revealing important information about the characters, their relationships, and the challenges they face. It sets up future conflicts and developments.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected character actions and reactions, as well as the sudden shifts in location and tone. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how the scene will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the clash between individual autonomy and societal expectations of family and support. Nomi's rejection of her mother's comfort and insistence on being left alone challenges the traditional values of family and caregiving.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions from the characters and the audience, with moments of anger, sadness, and defiance. The personal struggles and revelations enhance the emotional impact.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is intense, emotional, and reveals important information about the characters' thoughts and feelings. It enhances the confrontational nature of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the intense emotional conflict, unexpected character reactions, and dramatic tension. The audience is drawn into the characters' struggles and motivations.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and emotional intensity, with well-timed dialogue and action beats. The rhythm of the scene keeps the audience engaged and invested in the characters' struggles.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear dialogue and action descriptions. The use of foreign language is effectively integrated into the scene.

Structure: 7

The structure of the scene follows a typical format for its genre, with clear scene transitions and character interactions. However, the abrupt shifts in location and tone add a unique element to the structure.


Critique
  • The scene is emotionally powerful, but it could be more effective with some revisions.
  • The dialogue is a bit stilted and unnatural in places.
  • The pacing of the scene could be improved.
  • The motivations of the characters are not always clear.
  • The scene could be more visually interesting.
Suggestions
  • Consider rewriting the dialogue to make it more natural and conversational.
  • Try to vary the pacing of the scene by adding some moments of tension and release.
  • Make sure that the motivations of the characters are clear to the audience.
  • Add some more visual elements to the scene to make it more engaging.



Scene 42 -  Riley's Solitary Struggle in the Rain
EXT. ALLEY - NIGHT

Riley sits in the rain, curled into a ball, hiding behind
dumpsters. Her bag is beside her. She opens it like someone
looking for a spider or snake.

Inside she sees the money and the drugs. She wants to throw
them away. But something stops her from doing it. She
clutches the bag and runs.

FADE OUT:

End




TV Calling - For educational purposes only
Genres: null

Summary In a rainy alley at night, Riley, alone, weighs the option of discarding the money and drugs in her bag, signifying her internal conflict about her criminal lifestyle. However, she ultimately decides to run away with the bag, keeping her ties to this life. The scene is somber and reflective, with a hint of urgency as Riley makes her decision and takes action.
Strengths null
Weaknesses null

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 0


Story Content

Concept: 0

Plot: 0

Originality: 8

The scene demonstrates a level of originality through its focus on the protagonist's internal conflict and the use of the alley setting to reflect her emotional state. The authenticity of the character's actions and dialogue adds depth to the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 0

Character Changes: 0

Internal Goal: 8

Riley's internal goal in this scene is to confront her inner conflict between her desire to rid herself of the drugs and money, which represent a negative influence in her life, and her fear or hesitation that prevents her from doing so.

External Goal: 7

Riley's external goal in this scene is to escape from whatever situation led her to be hiding in the alley with the bag of drugs and money. Her immediate challenge is to run away from potential danger.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 0

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create conflict and suspense, as the audience is unsure of whether Riley will be able to overcome her internal struggle and escape from her current situation.

High Stakes: 0

Story Forward: 0

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because the audience is unsure of how Riley will resolve her internal conflict and whether she will ultimately choose to keep or discard the drugs and money.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between Riley's desire for a better life free from the negative influences of drugs and money, and her current circumstances that make it difficult for her to break away from that lifestyle.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 0

Dialogue: 0

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it draws the audience into the protagonist's emotional struggle and creates a sense of tension and urgency as she grapples with her conflicting desires.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, drawing the audience into the protagonist's emotional turmoil and creating a sense of urgency.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene adheres to the expected format for a dramatic moment in a screenplay, with clear scene headings, action lines, and dialogue.

Structure: 7

The structure of the scene follows a typical format for a dramatic moment in a screenplay, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution leading to a fade out. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the effectiveness of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene is too short and abrupt, leaving the reader with more questions than answers.
  • The action of Riley opening the bag and deciding to keep the money and drugs is not clear, and the reasons behind her decision are not explored.
  • The scene lacks dialogue and character development, making it difficult for the reader to connect with Riley or understand her motivations.
  • The ending of the scene is anticlimactic and does not provide any resolution or closure for the reader.
Suggestions
  • Expand the scene to give Riley more time to explore her thoughts and feelings.
  • Add dialogue to reveal Riley's internal struggle and motivations for keeping the money and drugs.
  • Develop Riley's character by providing more backstory and context for her actions.
  • Give the scene a more satisfying ending by providing a resolution or closure for Riley's decision.