The campus of a large but humble community college a few
miles from your home. Cambridge bells chime.
Actually, the bells are playing on an old boom box, which is
now stopped by Dean PELTON [40s, rotund], who is holding a
microphone hooked up to it. He is on a small stage at the
front of the courtyard.
He starts to speak into the microphone, realizes it’s not
working and fiddles with the boombox switches. He begins to
speak, but a Busta Rhymes cd starts playing instead:
Yo. I’m high as hell right now,
and I’m about to bust your ass
open, but first -
Pelton, an apparently humorless man, frantically figures out
how to stop the cd, then addresses the students.
Good morning. Many of you are
halfway through your first week
here at Greendale and, as dean, I
thought I would share a word of
Pelton reads from a small stack of index cards:
What is Community College? Well,
you’ve heard all kinds of things.
You’ve heard it’s “loser college”
for young people who couldn’t make
the cut at a university.
ANNIE [18, tightly wound, sweater vest] is walking through
the courtyard when she hears this, causing her to stop.
TROY [18, letter jacket, All American], is seated on a bench
with a breakfast burrito. He looks up, a little put-off.
It’s “halfway school” for
twentysomething dropouts, crawling
back to society with unskilled
tails between their legs.
BRITTA [late 20s, sweatshirt, pony tail, unadorned and
accidentally hot], is interrupted in her confident stride by
what she’s hearing. She stops and looks as if called by
A tax-funded self esteem workshop
for newly divorced housewives
piecing together shattered
SHIRLEY [early 40s, shy, modest 90s attire], was briskly
crossing the courtyard, eyes cast downward. She stops and
looks toward the stage.
and old people hoping to keep their
minds active as they circle the
drain of eternity.
PIERCE [50s, prescription sunglasses, turtleneck, sport
jacket], was talking to a group of young people, but stops.
In fact, Pelton now has the undivided attention of most of
the pedestrians in the courtyard.
That’s what you’ve heard. However:
He flips to the next index card.
I wish you luck. Wait -
Confused, Pelton flips through his cards as the slightly
deflated students resume their activity. Pelton calls out to
There was... a middle part of that
speech, if you see a card...
Walking amongst the rest of the students and not thrilled to
be doing so: JEFF Crocker, [30s, well dressed, dashing but
rough around the edges]. He is paced and orbited by ABED
[20s, Arabic, “geek chic” Weezer fan clothes], who seems
generally intrigued by everything all the time.
I’m only half Arabic, actually, my
Dad is Palestinian, I mean, he’s a
Citizen and he’s not a threat to
national security or anything, a
lot of people want to know that
after they meet him, because he has
an angry energy, but not like angry
at America, just angry at my Mom
for leaving him, although she did
leave because he was angry, and he
was angry because she was American.
My name’s Abed, by the way.
Abed, nice to know you, and then
meet you, in that order. Now about
that question I had.
(looks at watch)
Five after eleven. When you asked.
Thanks. I’ll talk to you in a few
months, if that’s cool.
Oh. Few months. Okay.
Abed starts to walk away but Jeff puts a hand on his
Hey, let me ask you.
Jeff pulls Abed closer and indicates someone in the distance:
It’s Britta, heading into the cafeteria.
The hot girl from Spanish class,
what’s her deal, I can’t find a
road in there.
Well, I’ve only talked to her once
while she was borrowing a pencil,
but her name’s Britta, she’s 28,
birthday in October, she has two
older brothers and one of them
works with children who have a
disorder I might want to look up.
Oh, and she thinks she’s going to
flunk tomorrow’s quiz so she really
needs to focus and she’s sorry if
that makes her seem cold.
Abed, I see your value, now.
That’s the nicest thing anyone’s
ever said to me.
Scene 2 - Jeff enlists Duncan's help to cheat
Britta moves down a food line, assembling her meal from bins
of saran wrapped items. Jeff gets in line next to her.
Oh, hey. Spanish.
Yeah, just don’t hit on me, okay?
And as you walk away, don’t call me
a lesbian or say “don’t flatter
Anything I should do?
You should not hit on me.
Listen, I just wanted to let you
know about my Spanish study group.
The guy that spent today’s class
playing Bejeweled on his iphone has
a study group? Am I allowed to
sign up twice?
I’m taking that class for the easy
credit. I actually tutor Spanish.
She turns to him. On the hook but suspicious.
Say that in Spanish. Now.
Jeff sighs, shouldering her cynicism with grace, and uses
gestures to indicate his mind, school and language:
Duermo tarde Espanol, una hora mas,
no rayar mi coche.
Subtitle: I sleep late Spanish, one more hour, do not
scratch my car. She squints. Then surrenders.
I really need help with Spanish.
I was willing to bet. I’m Jeff.
The group meets in the library at
I’ll be there. I’m Britta. Thank
you so much, this is great.
Britta finishes paying for her food and walks away. Jeff
turns to the ELDERLY BLACK WOMAN at the cash register.
Technically, I am in college, so
it’s okay to use a college move,
ELDERLY BLACK WOMAN
Sorry. I was raised on TV, I think
every black woman over fifty is a
cosmic mentor with free advice.
ELDERLY BLACK WOMAN
How about for two twenty five you
can have your damn tacos.
Jeff gets out his wallet.
INT. SCIENCES BUILDING - DUNCAN’S OFFICE
Psychology Professor DUNCAN [30s, low calibre hippy] is
working at his desk in a small office lined with plants,
books and weird art. Jeff appears in his doorway.
You’re a hard man to reach,
Duncan takes a moment to place the face.
Jeff Crocker? Attorney at law?
He stands and shakes Jeff’s hand.
How could I forget? I still can’t
figure out how you got a jury to
connect September 11th with my DUI.
Let alone why it helped.
2002 was a simpler time.
What’s my lawyer doing on campus?
I’m a student.
That can’t be an inspiring journey.
Duncan goes to a dorm-sized fridge and grabs two beers.
Eh, those ivy league twits on the
state bar have had me under a
microscope since I started.
They’ve suddenly decided that even
though I have a law degree, my
college degree isn’t “legitimate.”
Duncan hands Jeff one of the beers.
I thought you had a bachelor’s from
And now I have to get one from
America. They must have noticed
the eagle in the seal was holding
coffee branches. I’m dead in the
water until I replace that degree.
If you’re in my class, I hope
you’re not going to ask for special
Professor, please, I do have rules.
I would never take psychology, it’s
boring. But I was hoping that, as
a teacher, you could get me all the
quizzes, tests and exams for the
classes I am taking this semester.
Jeff places a sheet of paper on Duncan’s desk.
Jeff, you just described - no,
defined cheating. Not only is it
illegal, it’s unethical.
He takes a drink of his own beer.
Well, laws are tools. We reshape
them to suit the job. And you
seemed less concerned with ethics
the day I convinced twelve of your
peers that when you did a U turn on
a freeway and tried to order
chalupas from an emergency call
box, your only real crime was being
You’re saying I owe you.
I’m not saying that. I’m giving
you pieces of a puzzle, which, when
put together, form a picture of you
Duncan gets somber. He surrenders.
I’ll look into it.
Jeff heads for the door.
I’ll be in the library at six, but
by 6:20, my fake study group will
not have shown up and I’ll have to
take a very hot girl to dinner.
Oh, Jeff. Don’t lie to women.
Scene 3 - Forming a Spanish Study Group
INT. LIBRARY - STUDY ROOM
Jeff is seated at a big table, reading a Spanish text book.
Britta walks in. He smiles.
Bienvenido! Have a seat.
Jeff puts a notepad in front of her while she gets settled at
the room’s large table.
You can put your contact info on
here. I guess the group is running
late, but we can get acquainted.
She writes some stuff on the pad.
You may have noticed this morning,
I’m not great at small talk.
I want to talk big. I want to
know, what’s your deal?
That’s not small talk?
What’s your deal and IS GOD DEAD?!
Alright. My deal. I dropped out
of high school to pursue my love of
anarchy. I made a lot of new
friends vandalizing billboards, I
helped coordinate us into a very
large, successful movement of
anarchist billboard vandals, and we
decided I was the leader, which
meant we had to kick me out,
because we were anarchists. Soon
after, they became an advertising
firm. One of their shampoo
billboards is across the street.
The one that says “hey, it’s your
hair, we just want to clean it?”
Power to the people. And you can
go on Facebook and see photos of
their children, who have names like
Hemingway and Chomsky and who are
seated in the backs of SUVs. So I
guess my deal is, be honest with me
and I’ll like you. Because I may
be broke and “crawling back to
society” but I’m doing it having
learned that what’s most important
to me is honesty.
Good thing to learn.
What’s most important to you?
I would say...honesty, because...
I would say anything to get what I
want and I want you to like me.
Very honest answer. So you get
your wish. I like you fine.
Yeah, see how easy.
That’s it, huh? No Looney Tunes
character tattooed on your hip I
have to pretend to love?
Not me. Buy me dinner, don’t lie
to me and we’ll be in bed before
The two of them chuckle at her joke.
- All kidding aside, if you’re
Abed enters. Britta looks as though she was expecting him.
Abed’s in the house! Whoooo!
(good fake enthusiasm)
Whooooo, Abed! Also whyyyyy?
Britta invited me, is that cool?
I can’t think of a single logical
reason why not. Have a seat. And
put your contact info here.
Abed sits down to write on the notepad.
Cool cool cool cool.
Hey, this is kind of like Breakfast
We’re in a library.
With great precision, Jeff reads Abed’s cell number while
punching it into his own phone under the table.
Well, yeah, and we’re students,
from different backgrounds, and I’m
sure we’ve each got a thing, like
an issue, all balled up inside of
us that would make us cry if we
talked about it.
Jeff thumbs something into his phone.
Do you have something balled up
inside you want to talk about?
(thinks about it)
Oh, I got a little doozy in the
chamber I can let loose if things
Abed’s phone beeps. His reaction makes Jeff nervous.
Whoa! Text message. Let’s give
this bad boy a read.
Abed picks up his phone.
I’m sure it’s personal -
- No, I don’t know this person.
“Say you have to pee I need to talk
Jeff pretends to digest it along with the other two, all of
them exchanging confused looks.
“Say you have to pee?”
Professor Duncan ducks his head into the room, sees Jeff,
then sees the others.
Jeffrey, a quick word? About
I’ll be right back. When it’s
about psychology, it’s urgent.
Jeff heads for the door.
What if the group shows up?
They’ll know what to do.
Scene 4 - Morality, Football, and Apologies
EXT. ATHLETIC FIELD - DUSK
A motley crew of would-be athletes are trying out for the
apparently all-ages track team. Currently, a ninety year old
man is prepping himself on the starting line.
Jeff and Duncan are standing out in the middle of the field.
I could get fired for having this
conversation, so act like you’re
watching the athletic proceedings.
You couldn’t stop me from watching.
There is a man trying out for your
track team that is older than the
game of poker.
And he’s kinda truckin’.
Suppose I did feel indebted to you,
Jeff. And suppose I said it was
possible to get you these answers.
I’d say go for it. And, for future
reference, you can ask me stuff
like that way closer to wherever
we’re originally standing.
I’m asking if you understand the
difference between right and wrong.
I understand “right” and “wrong”
are slippery slopes that end with
presidents who don’t believe
dinosaurs existed. And I’ve
understood since I was a kid that
if I talked long enough, I could
make anything true. So either I’m
God or truth is relative, and in
either case: booyah.
Interesting. The average person
has a harder time saying “booyah”
to moral relativism.
Ian, you don’t have to play shrink
to protect your pride, I accept
that you’re a chicken.
Are you trying to use reverse
psychology on a psychologist?
I’m just using normal psychology on
You can’t talk to me that way!
A six year old girl could talk to
you that way!
Because it would be adorable!
No, because you’re a five year old
girl, and there’s a pecking order!
FINE, I’LL DO IT!
COACH BARTEL (O.S.)
COACH BARTEL [stocky, 40s] is approaching their exchange.
COACH BARTEL (CONT’D)
This is an athletic field, not a
rehearsal of Glengarry Glen Ross,
and I should know, because I run
both the Sports and Theatre
departments. Take it elsewhere.
Jeff and Duncan start walking off the field together. Coach
Bartel calls after them:
COACH BARTEL (CONT’D)
Either of you guys play football?
It’s looking that bad this year.
INT. LIBRARY - STUDY ROOM
Jeff enters, feigning disappointment.
Well, I just found out that the
rest of the group -
Britta is not at the table, but Abed is, along with four new
students: Pierce, Shirley, Troy and Annie. They look at him.
- is here?
Britta’s in the bathroom, I think,
and I invited more people from
Spanish class, is that cool?
Jeff raises a fist that immediately becomes a thumbs-up.
It’s the coolest. I should go to
the bathroom, too. And I should
bring my jacket, keys and wallet in
case there’s a fire.
INT. LIBRARY - LOBBY
Jeff is on his way to the exit doors. He nearly collides
with Britta, who is entering the lobby.
I barely smoke. But that group is
getting big, made me skittish, I
started craving a grit.
Same here. I saw those faces and I
just had to ...suck a ..leaf tube,
Maybe you and I would get more
studying done over -
Britta laughs at the proposition.
- Dinner? Come on, we both know
that’s when the studying stops.
Let’s do this thing first.
She starts walking away, then adds:
If it really turns out to be a
train wreck, we’ll slip out early.
She walks away. Jeff mulls this over.
Oh. I can do a train wreck.
OLD BLACK WOMAN (O.S.)
What a tangled web we weave.
Jeff is startled to see the old black woman from the
cafeteria next to him in the lobby. She’s placing books on a
cart, unloading the overnight return bin.
Don’t you work in the cafeteria?
OLD BLACK WOMAN
I have many jobs. In many places.
Jeff’s jaw drops. She rolls her eyes at him.
OLD BLACK WOMAN (CONT’D)
I’m not magical, I’m underpaid.
You racist jackass.
Jeff heads back to the study room, ready for action.
Scene 5 - Tension and Conflicts Emerge in the Study Group
INT. STUDY ROOM
Jeff settles into his chair at the head of the table. He
looks around the room. There’s Britta, there’s Abed, there’s
Annie the type-A teen, Troy the meat head jock, Shirley the
closed-up ex-housewife and Pierce the weird old man with
neatly brushed grey hair and some kind of stone around his
neck he must have bought at a tarot card store.
Alllll right. Look at this crew.
Alllll ready to study alllll night.
But who studies with strangers,
right? We’re all in the same
class and we don’t even know each
other, my name is Jeff.
Pierce speaks. He talks kind of like George Takei.
Jeff, it’s a pleasure, my name is
Pierce Hawthorne and yes, that is
Hawthorne as in Hawthorne Wipes,
the award winning moist towelette.
I was just going to ask.
I’m also a Rotarian and no stranger
to public speaking so maybe I
should make the introductions. You
already know Britter. Brittles?
My apologies Britta, you also know
A-bed, A-bed the A-reb, is that
(as if asked to get ice)
We’ve got Roy, Roy, the wonder boy
I call him, -
You are correct, and little
princess Elizabeth, -
Very sorry, and finally this
beautiful creature’s name is
Is that even close?
One does not forget Shirley, she is
a very, very fascinating, very
gorgeous young woman.
Shirley does not appear to enjoy the flattery. Jeff makes a
mental note. Annie speaks up.
I’d like to know why I had to find
out about this group on accident.
Oh, this is getting way more like
Breakfast Club, now.
We should get started studying -
Jeff goes into action, seeing an opening for his crowbar.
You know, I’ve been part of a lot
of study groups that fell apart
because of unaddressed tension.
Shouldn’t someone address Annie’s
concern? Did we not invite her?
Well, Annie, sweetie, I guess it
didn’t occur to anyone -
- That’s strange, because I
remember the first day of class, I
asked if anyone was interested in
starting a Spanish study group, and
passed around a sign-up sheet, and
when it came back, all that was on
it was a drawing of a unicorn with
a wiener instead of a horn, a
guitar for a wiener and a dog
emerging from its rear.
That was a cat and he was going in.
(off her look)
What? Everyone added something.
Yes, and then gathered behind my
back for a study group!
Pumpkin, it’s not behind your back,
we just didn’t think about you.
Can we stop with the pumpkins and
the sweeties? Being younger
doesn’t make me inferior, if
anything, your age indicates you’ve
made bad life decisions.
Shirley has a response to that.
No, I don’t.
The entire room encourages her to respond.
Well, I’m sure I’ve made bad life
I decided to spend twenty years
raising children and cleaning up
after a man who ran out the door
ten minutes after winning one-oh-
two-point-seven thousand dollars in
a radio contest. That was a bad
decision. And maybe Annie’s
decisions will be better. And I
think she should decide whether she
wants to be considered a child or
an adult, because a child gets
pity, but not respect, and adults
can get respect but they can also
get grabbed by the hair and have
their faces put through jukeboxes.
Britta quickly composes herself. Annie pouts. Shirley
regains her shyness. Pierce gives her head a supportive
stroke, causing her to wince. Jeff points a pen at Pierce,
shifting to what he hopes is even more fertile ground for
Pierce, let’s discuss this
I beg your pardon?
Are you unaware Shirley finds your
You have been sexually harassing me
since the first day of class!
“Sexually harassing?” That doesn’t
make sense, why would I “harass”
someone that turns me on?
Saying she turns you on is the
Pierce slams the table with his fist.
I am a business leader and a
community pillar and I don’t take
courting advice from teenage boys!
Well this teenage boy is a
quarterback and a prom king, so
maybe you should!
You’re not prom king anymore, Troy,
this isn’t Greendale High.
How did you know I went there?
Because you’re wearing your stupid
letter jacket and more importantly
I SAT BEHIND YOU IN ALGEBRA!
Wait, are you the girl that got
hooked on pills and dropped out?
You’re Little Annie Adderall!
And you’re a stupid jock that lost
his scholarship because he
celebrated getting it with a keg
stand and dislocated both
I’m ready! I’m ready!
Everyone looks at Abed.
I bought one of those big binders
to store my DVDs in. And I left it
in the sun, and the plastic sleeves
melted to the discs, and they’re
all unplayable and it’s my fault!
Abed starts sobbing real tears. Everyone watches, confused.
That’s your Breakfast Club doozy?
I love cinema!
Jeff’s phone rings. He answers.
A very low voice from the other end:
It’s Professor Duncan. Come to the
parking lot. Now.
What’s wrong with your voice?
I’m disguising it.
I’ll be right there.
Jeff hangs up.
Now where are you going?
It’s an emergency. You guys need
to hash this stuff out anyway,
because we can’t study with all
this stuff seething under the
surface. I just hope at least one
of you is here when I get back.
Scene 6 - A Deal in the Parking Lot
EXT. PARKING LOT - NIGHT
Jeff enters the parking lot, looking around.
Duncan emerges from between two cars, holding a large, thick
Every answer to every test in your
curriculum this semester.
You are the best.
Jeff reaches for the package. Duncan withholds it.
But what do I get?
I thought we had a deal.
Deals are bound by ethics, Jeff.
Deals are for five year old girls.
What do you want.
HA! My luxury sedan for a
semester’s worth of answers?
Come on, you’re never going to stop
taking the easy way out. I’ll be
helping you for four years. You
want to get a degree while taking
naps? I want leather seats with
built-in ball warmers. Offer
expires in ten seconds.
I’m supposed to do what, walk home?
Take my Prius.
Duncan holds up some keys.
It’s good for the Earth.
So is wiping your butt with a leaf
but it’s not how a man gets around!
Duncan starts to walk away. Jeff panics.
Jeff heads across the library toward the study room, carrying
Britta opens the door and comes running to him. We can hear
chaos coming from the room behind her.
It’s really bad in there.
Yeah, sounds like a train wreck.
What do you say? Time to go?
Go? Jeff, I would rather flunk
Spanish and starve to death than
abandon a group of people in pain.
Jeff stares at her for a beat, then:
You thought I meant time to go to
dinner? I meant time to go give
these people the healing they need.
Time to spread the love, time to
set everything back to exactly the
way it was before they got here.
She gives his arm one of those platonic but lingering touches
that women have been using to secretly control civilization
for 50,000 years. As she heads back to the room, Jeff adds
Scene 7 - Jeff's Motivational Speech
INT. STUDY ROOM
Jeff walks in. Everyone is sitting with their arms folded,
staring at the table in front of them.
How’s it going in here?
Everyone explodes into furious name calling and arguing.
Alright, alright. Simmer down! I
want to tell you something!
They quiet down. He squares himself. Closing argument time.
You know what makes humans
different from other animals? We
are the only species on Earth that
observes Shark Week. Sharks don’t
even have Shark Week, but we do.
For the same reason I can pick up
this pencil, tell you its name is
Steve, then go like this
And part of you dies just a little
inside. Because humans can connect
to anything. We can sympathize
with a pencil, we can forgive a
shark, we can give Ben Affleck an
Academy Award for screenwriting.
Everyone nods knowingly, touched. Britta, however, remains
People can find the good in just
about anything but themselves.
Look at me. It’s obvious to all of
you that I’m awesome, and yet, if I
agreed with you, I would be an ass.
But I can think Annie’s awesome in
ways that I’m not. She’s driven.
Some people have to be driven or
the power goes off and the ice
cream melts. And look at Pierce.
Other guys his age are locked up in
their houses yelling at the people
on TV for farting, this guy is out
here, with us, even though he’s
earned the right to dismiss us.
Just like Shirley’s earned a little
elbow room, and a lot of respect,
not as a wife, not as a mother,
it’s time for her to be a woman,
and don’t test her on that, because
that thing about the jukebox was
way too specific to be improvised,
we want her on our side when we
rumble with the other study groups.
The group murmurs in enthusiastic agreement. Troy nods at
Shirley. Shirley smiles.
You want Troy, too. That’s why
we’re tempted to dis the jacket,
because it’s a symbol that
intimidates us, you think
astronauts go to the moon because
they hate oxygen, come on, they’re
trying to impress their high
school’s prom king, and well they
should, because I saw our track
team tonight and I’m pretty sure
Troy’s gonna be a big dog on
campus. And Abed. You know, God
made people with minds that wander
because the answers we need are
barely ever the ones we’re asking.
Abed’s a shaman, ask him to pass
the salt, you get a bowl of soup,
and guess what, soup is better.
Abed is better.
You’re all better than you think
you are. You’re just not designed
to believe it when you hear it from
yourself. So everybody, do me a
favor, look to the person on the
Everybody does it.
I want you to extend to that person
the same compassion you extend to
sharks, pencils and Ben Affleck. I
want you to say to that person, “I
forgive you.” Go ahead.
Everyone says “I forgive you.”
Now look at me.
Everyone looks at Jeff.
You just stopped being a study
group. You have now become
something unstoppable. I hereby
pronounce you a community.
Abed wipes at some tears.
It’s not like Breakfast Club
anymore. Now it’s like Stripes, or
Meatballs. Anything with Bill
I agree with Abed that tonight has
been very special. Too special for
Spanish, really, and I think that,
like the Breakfast Club, we ought
to disband and reflect.
Jeff looks at Britta and nods his head slightly toward the
door, like, “let’s go.”
Britta looks at Jeff. She looks around the room at all the
mesmerized faces. Finally, she announces her decision while
watching Jeff carefully.
Actually, now that we’re
unstoppable, it’ll probably take no
time at all to prepare for this
Everyone agrees with that. They’re very excited about
studying, now. Jeff goes to plan C.
I have a surprise for you guys. We
don’t need to study. I have all
the tests and answers for the
Jeff shows the packet he got from Duncan.
So. All done.
Everyone at the table is a bit taken aback. Britta narrows
her eyes on him. Pierce puzzles through this.
Well, Jeff, now, why in Hell’s
Bells would you want to enroll in a
community college to cheat?
I didn’t want to enroll here,
Pierce, I have to be here. I’m a
lawyer. I mean, I was a lawyer,
and I’d like to get back to being
one as soon as possible.
Then why have a study group?
I DON’T HAVE A STUDY GROUP! YOU
PEOPLE JUST SHOWED UP!
Britta explains something to everyone she’d been putting
together for a while.
It was all to get in my pants.
Why can’t you see that for the
compliment that it is?
What about the look left speech?
Was that real?
I learned it at tennis camp when I
Everyone is dismayed and disappointed.
I added the Ben Affleck references!
Jeff, you had me at “I’m a lawyer,”
and by had me, I mean had me ready
to puke. Now please leave and let
us study before my gag reflex hits
a tipping point.
But you’re not listening, I have
Britta physically gags.
Abed shakes his head.
I thought you were like Bill Murray
in any of his films. But you’re
really like Michael Douglas in any
Yeah, well, you have Asperger’s.
As Jeff exits, everyone recoils in shock and comforts a
He is not qualified to make that
Scene 8 - Confrontation in Duncan's Office
EXT. LIBRARY - NIGHT
Jeff exits the front doors, miffed, sour grapey, opening
He gets the envelope open and pulls out a stack of papers
from inside. He looks at them, stunned.
We watch as Jeff flips through a stack of pages from old
Psychology Today magazines.
INT. DUNCAN’S OFFICE
Professor Duncan is enjoying a pipe in his office and seems
to have been expecting Jeff to burst through the door, which
Jeff now does.
Before you react, you’ll want to
think about the gift you’ve been
An excuse to punch a hippy?
A second chance at an honest life.
A life that starts here at
Greendale. All these tricks you
acquired to survive out there, they
have no use in this place that
you’re wiping your feet on. People
here are excited and proud to be
here, students and faculty alike.
And frankly, we’re a little
offended by the implication that
there’s anywhere else we’d like to
be. This is a lesson you need to
Well, I’m...I’m sorry, but I’m not
Maybe you’re incapable of learning.
Is it possible you’re incapable of
teaching? It is community college.
Now give me my keys or it’s going
to get sloppy.
Scene 9 - A Defeated Jeff Finds Hope in Study Group
EXT. COURTYARD - NIGHT
Jeff stomps across the empty night time campus of Greendale
community college. So fucked.
He sees the Old Black Woman sitting on one of the benches
that is just outside the library entrance. He starts walking
to her. She’s clearly bummed out about this. He stands by
her for a moment, mustering the confession:
JEFF OLD BLACK WOMAN
I don’t know how to do it. I don’t care.
She gets up.
Where are you going?
OLD BLACK WOMAN
Don’t you know, honey child?
OLD BLACK WOMAN (CONT'D)
I gots to go polish that moon and
hang them clouds out to dry. But
don’t you worry. Outer space Jesus
negro lady is watching over you.
Jeff slumps down on the bench as she walks away.
Great. Even God thinks I’m a dick.
He sits there for a moment. Puts his head back.
Pierce emerges from the library’s front doors, sees Jeff, and
pauses to take in the night air.
Boy. There is Autumn, and then
there is just Fall.
You may have purchased a knockoff
You said some nice things about me
up there, Jeffrey.
Pierce sits on another bench across from him.
And I do admit, I’ve got things to
learn about the ladies. You know
I’ve been married seven times? I’m
starting to think I’m doing
Do I look like I’m in a position to
give romantic advice right now?
Troy comes out of the library, sees them both and nods.
I thought you guys were studying.
Oh. That was fast.
Troy sits next to him, curious.
Let me ask you something. People
have been clowning me about this
jacket since I got here. But if I
take it off to make them happy, I’m
Troy, what’s it matter. You lose
the jacket to please them, you keep
it to piss them off...either way,
it’s for them, that’s what’s weak.