Emilia Perez

Executive Summary

Poster
Overview

Genres: Drama, Thriller, Crime, Legal, Social Commentary, Musical, Legal Drama, Action, Family, Mystery, Political, Social Issues, Romance, Conflict, Relationship

Setting: Contemporary, Mexico City and various locations in Mexico, including a villa in Lausanne, Switzerland, and a clinic in Bangkok

Overview: In 'Emilia Perez,' the story unfolds in the vibrant yet perilous backdrop of Mexico City, where Rita Mora Castro, a passionate defense attorney, grapples with the complexities of justice and personal identity. The narrative begins with a violent incident that sets the stage for Rita's involvement in a high-stakes legal battle for her client, Gabriel Mendoza, who is entangled in a web of crime and corruption. As Rita navigates the challenges of her profession, she becomes increasingly aware of the societal issues surrounding her, including the pervasive violence and the struggles of women affected by crime. The middle of the story sees Rita's journey intertwining with that of Emilia, a woman seeking redemption and grappling with her own past, as they both confront the harsh realities of their lives. The climax builds as Rita must make a pivotal decision that tests her moral compass, leading to a confrontation with the darker elements of her world. The story culminates in a powerful exploration of identity, resilience, and the quest for justice, leaving the audience to reflect on the complexities of love, loss, and the fight against systemic corruption.

Themes: Corruption and the Cycle of Violence, Justice and Redemption, Identity and Transformation, Love and Loss, Female Agency and Resistance

Conflict and Stakes: The primary conflicts revolve around Rita's fight for justice for her clients, Emilia's struggle with her past and her desire to help the missing, and Jessi's internal conflict regarding her family's legacy and her new life. The stakes include personal safety, emotional well-being, and the quest for redemption.

Overall Mood: Tense and reflective, with moments of dark humor and emotional depth.

Mood/Tone at Key Scenes:

  • Scene 1: The opening scene sets a tense and violent tone as a woman is thrown from a window, establishing the stakes of the narrative.
  • Scene 10: The mood shifts to somber and reflective as Rita leads a chant for justice, contrasting personal tragedy with societal issues.
  • Scene 20: The emotional tone is tense and chaotic during the confrontation between Jessi and Emilia, filled with underlying resentment and frustration.
  • Scene 30: The mood becomes somber and reflective as Rita receives a disturbing package, highlighting the horror and urgency of the situation.

Standout Features:

  • Unique Hook: The intertwining stories of a lawyer, a cartel leader, and a widow navigating their complex lives against the backdrop of violence and justice.
  • Plot Twist: The revelation of Emilia's past and her connection to the cartel, which complicates her relationship with Rita and Jessi.
  • Distinctive Setting: The contrasting environments of Mexico City, a luxurious villa in Switzerland, and a clinic in Bangkok highlight the characters' journeys.
  • Innovative Ideas: The exploration of identity and transformation through the lens of personal and societal struggles.
  • Genre Blends: A mix of legal drama, thriller, and social commentary that appeals to a diverse audience.

Comparable Scripts:

  • The Night Of
  • Roma
  • The Handmaid's Tale
  • The Godfather
  • The Kite Runner
  • Narcos
  • A Streetcar Named Desire
  • The Invisible Man
  • The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo

Writing Style:

The screenplay exhibits a diverse yet cohesive writing style, blending elements of intense dialogue, complex character interactions, and exploration of moral dilemmas. It incorporates both gritty realism and moments of poetic lyricism, sometimes within the same scene. The narrative frequently features suspenseful situations, unexpected twists, and morally ambiguous characters, often against rich cultural backdrops. There's a significant focus on emotional depth and internal conflicts, with a tendency towards character-driven narratives that delve into themes of identity, family, and societal pressures.

Style Similarities:

  • Quentin Tarantino
  • Guillermo Arriaga
  • Alejandro González Iñárritu
Other Similarities
Pass/Consider/Recommend

Consider


Explanation: The screenplay for 'Emilia Perez' is a complex and ambitious story that explores themes of identity, love, and the impact of violence in Mexico. The narrative follows the intertwining lives of several characters, including Emilia Perez, a transgendered woman, and Rita Mora Castro, a lawyer who becomes involved in Emilia's life. The screenplay delves into the challenges faced by marginalized individuals, the complexities of family dynamics, and the corruption within Mexican society. While the script showcases strong character development and thought-provoking themes, it also exhibits some areas for improvement in terms of pacing, clarity, and cohesion. Overall, the screenplay has the potential to be a compelling and impactful feature film, but would benefit from further refinement and polishing.


USP: What sets 'Emilia Perez' apart is its blend of legal drama with a deep exploration of personal identity and societal issues, particularly in the context of violence in Mexico. The screenplay's unique perspective on the lives of women affected by crime and their resilience makes it compelling for audiences interested in character-driven stories that reflect real-world issues.
Market Analysis

Budget Estimate:$20-30 million

Target Audience Demographics: Adults aged 25-54, particularly those interested in drama, legal thrillers, and social issues.

Marketability: The screenplay has the potential to attract a wide audience due to its compelling characters, relevant social themes, and the exploration of the complexities of life in contemporary Mexico.

The unique blend of legal drama and personal stories, along with a diverse cast, can resonate with audiences looking for depth and authenticity.

While it tackles serious themes, the potential for dark humor and emotional moments can appeal to a broader demographic, though it may limit mainstream appeal.

Profit Potential: High, due to strong appeal to a wide adult audience, potential for award nominations, and the ability to generate discussions around social issues.

Analysis Criteria Percentiles
Writer's Voice

Summary:The writer's voice is characterized by a potent blend of gritty realism and poetic introspection. The narrative seamlessly weaves together vivid imagery, intense action sequences, and emotionally resonant dialogue, often incorporating Spanish to enhance authenticity and cultural depth. The writer displays a keen eye for detail, capturing both the chaotic energy of Mexico City and the quiet, internal struggles of the characters. There's a recurring theme of juxtaposing violence and beauty, celebration and despair, creating a compellingly complex and morally ambiguous world.

Best representation: Scene 3 - Voices of Justice in the Night Market. This scene is the best representation because it encapsulates the writer's signature style most effectively. It masterfully combines the visceral imagery of street violence with Rita's introspective narration, showcasing both the external chaos and internal conflict that define the screenplay. The seamless transition between the quiet contemplation and the erupting chaos perfectly mirrors the unpredictable nature of the world the characters inhabit, highlighting the writer's ability to create a powerful emotional impact through carefully crafted juxtapositions.

Memorable Lines:

  • Rita: Changing the body, changes Society. Changing Society, changes the soul. Changing the soul, changes Society. Changing Society, changes it all. (Scene 14)
  • Manitas: I was entitled to another life, a life of my own. (Scene 17)
  • MANITAS: No me falta el cielo, no me falta el mar, no me falta la voz, pero me falta cantar. (Scene 20)
  • Rita: Vengan, todos, abran las Puertas del Tribunal de su Conciencia ¡Oigan, respondan mi pregunta! ¿Podrían dar a mi cliente, el señor Gabriel Mendoza, el derecho de amar a su esposa? (Scene 4)
  • Berlinger: I ask purely and simply that the case against my client Gabriel Mendoza be dismissed… (Scene 5)
Characters

Rita Mora Castro:A passionate lawyer advocating for justice, grappling with her own personal struggles and the complexities of her clients' lives.

Emilia Pérez:A strong and determined woman with a complicated past, seeking to help others while dealing with her own emotional turmoil.

Jessi Del Monte:The widow of a cartel leader, navigating her new life while facing the repercussions of her husband's actions.

Juan Manitas Del Monte:A cartel leader undergoing a personal transformation, struggling with his identity and the violent world he inhabits.

Gustavo Brun:Jessi's fiancé, whose actions create tension and conflict within the story.

Story Shape
Summary **Summary of "La Lucecita"** In "La Lucecita," the narrative unfolds against the backdrop of Mexico City, beginning with a harrowing incident of domestic violence that serves as the catalyst for the story's intertwining fates. The screenplay explores the life of Rita Mora Castro, a passionate lawyer grappling with her identity and societal issues amidst the chaos of corruption and violence prevalent in her environment. As Rita navigates her professional and personal struggles, she becomes entangled with Gabriel Mendoza, a client accused of a violent crime. Her connection to him and the incidents surrounding his case reveal deep societal injustices and personal tragedies, reflected in her impassioned speeches that often go unheard. Rita's journey is marked by her engagement with the community, demonstrations advocating for justice, and her growing conviction to confront the systemic issues in society. However, her mission becomes perilous when she is abducted by cartel members, leading her to a morally complex interaction with Juan Manitas Del Monte, a cartel leader who expresses a desire for identity transition. Their negotiations expose the layers of vulnerability and desperation in the criminal world. As the plot develops, Rita's commitments shift; she becomes part of a burgeoning NGO, La Lucecita, aimed at addressing societal scars left by the violence inflicted by cartels. However, the past continues to haunt her, as her emotions intertwine with a cast of characters—each dealing with their trauma and connections to the cartel world, including Jessi, Manitas' widow, and Emilia, the figure representing hope and reconciliation. The narrative escalates to a crescendo filled with tension as Rita, Jessi, and Emilia confront internal and external conflicts, revealing the harsh realities of life in their turbulent environment. The story navigates themes of love, loss, and the pursuit of redemption, culminating in a series of violent confrontations that lay bare the characters' intertwined fates. Ultimately, "La Lucecita" is a poignant exploration of justice, identity, and the relentless search for hope amid despair, capturing the complex dynamics of violence, loyalty, and resilience in the face of societal chaos. Through its vibrant characters and emotional depth, the screenplay resonates with the universal struggle for understanding and connection in a fractured world.


Screenplay Story Analysis

Story Critique The screenplay boasts a compelling premise exploring themes of justice, identity, and redemption against the backdrop of Mexico's drug war. The characters, particularly Rita, Manitas, and Emilia, are richly drawn and exhibit compelling internal conflicts. The narrative's blend of legal drama, crime thriller, and character-driven storytelling is ambitious and largely successful. The use of music and cultural elements adds significant depth and atmosphere. However, the plot suffers from pacing issues. The narrative jumps between storylines without sufficient connective tissue, creating a sense of fragmentation. The multiple plotlines involving the cartel, the legal cases, and Emilia's transformation occasionally feel disconnected, weakening the overall impact. The screenplay's ending, while offering a sense of closure, feels somewhat rushed and could benefit from more nuanced emotional resonance. The sheer amount of plot and subplots could also benefit from trimming.
Suggestions: - Streamline the plot by focusing on fewer, more interconnected storylines. Prioritize the most impactful plotlines and cut those that don't significantly contribute to the central themes. - Enhance the connections between the different plotlines. Develop clearer cause-and-effect relationships between Rita's legal work, Manitas's transformation, and Emilia's emergence as a leader. - Strengthen the emotional core of the story by deepening the relationships between the key characters. Create more intimate moments of shared vulnerability and connection. - Develop a more satisfying and emotionally resonant ending. Allow the audience to fully experience the consequences of the characters' choices, creating a stronger sense of closure and thematic impact. - Consider restructuring the screenplay to build tension more effectively and avoid pacing issues.

Note: This is the overall critique. For scene by scene critique click here
Beginning The opening scene is visually striking and immediately grabs the audience's attention with its juxtaposition of vibrant city life and brutal violence. The introduction of Rita as a lawyer defending Gabriel Mendoza sets the stage for the legal drama aspect of the story. However, the abrupt shift to Rita's seemingly unrelated grocery store scene feels jarring and disrupts the initial momentum. The introduction of the main character feels rushed and could benefit from establishing a clearer sense of Rita's personality and motivations before launching into the complex plot.
Suggestions: - Slow down the opening to allow for a more gradual introduction of Rita and her character traits. This could include showing her preparing for her work or interacting with a colleague to establish personality. - Strengthen the connection between the opening murder and Rita's subsequent actions. Perhaps the murder involves someone indirectly connected to her.
Middle The middle section successfully introduces multiple plotlines, creating a compelling tapestry of interwoven narratives. The scenes depicting Rita's interactions with Manitas are particularly effective, showcasing the complex moral ambiguities of the story. However, the rapid pace and frequent shifts between locations and storylines can leave the audience feeling overwhelmed. The transitions between scenes need to be improved and create more seamless plot progression. The scenes feel somewhat disconnected, lacking a strong unifying thread to tie them together more cohesively. The introduction of additional characters such as Jessi and Epifania enriches the narrative, but their roles could benefit from greater integration with the main plot.
Suggestions: - Employ more effective transitions between scenes to improve the pacing. Utilize subtle narrative devices, such as foreshadowing or character callbacks, to create a more unified sense of progression. - Strengthen the connections between Rita, Manitas, and Emilia. Develop their relationships in more detail, showcasing the underlying motivations behind their actions. - Develop a more prominent central conflict to tie together these various plotlines. This conflict should be the driving force of the story, resolving in the climax.
Ending The final act attempts to bring together the various plot threads, but the resolution feels somewhat rushed and lacking emotional depth. While Emilia's transformation and the establishment of La Lucecita offer a sense of hopeful closure, the abrupt ending doesn't fully explore the emotional consequences of the events. The final confrontation lacks the tension and impact it could have, leaving the audience wanting a more fulfilling climax. While the overall themes are impactful, the last few scenes rush to the conclusion rather than providing a satisfying emotional payoff. The final image, while visually evocative, feels anti-climactic and could benefit from a more direct and powerful ending.
Suggestions: - Extend the ending to allow for a more gradual and emotionally resonant resolution. Explore the consequences of the characters' actions and the long-term impact on their lives. - Create a more powerful climax that raises the stakes and provides a satisfying resolution to the central conflict. This could involve a final confrontation that tests the characters' resilience and reinforces the themes of the story. - Give the ending a more definite sense of finality. Allow for a more profound reflection on the consequences and themes of the story, offering a lingering sense of meaning rather than abrupt closure.

See the full analysis by clicking the title.

1 - Nightfall in Mexico City Intense, Suspenseful, Dark 8.5 9 89 8 787989888 79888
2 - Unheard Arguments Serious, Formal, Mundane 7.5 8 79 8 686677767 87788
3 - Echoes of Love and Violence Introspective, Reflective, Emotional, Tense 8.5 9 88 9 787778879 89888
4 - Voices of Justice in the Night Market Serious, Reflective, Passionate 8.5 9 89 9 798778879 99888
5 - The Weight of Regret Serious, Intense, Reflective 8.5 8 99 8 887878979 99888
6 - A Moment of Triumph and Discomfort Passionate, Reflective, Frustrated 8.5 8 88 9 887768879 98899
7 - A Call for Control Suspenseful, Intense, Mysterious 8.5 8 99 8 787878888 99888
8 - Echoes of Defiance Defiant, Reflective, Passionate 8.5 9 89 9 987879879 99888
9 - Abduction at the Newsstand Reflective, Defiant, Intense 8.5 9 89 8 889989999 89888
10 - Descent into Darkness Tense, Suspenseful, Dark, Menacing 8.5 8 99 8 787989988 89988
11 - A Night of Transformation Tense, Mysterious, Intense, Confrontational, Dark 9.2 9 99 9 987.5108101099 998.588
12 - Balancing Act Tense, Mysterious, Intriguing 8.5 8 98 8 887.5889988 998.588
13 - Transformation and Threat Tense, Surreal, Dark, Intense, Disturbing 8.5 9 89 9 887.5989999 898.588
14 - Tension in the Waiting Room Intense, Confrontational, Defiant, Emotional 8.5 9 89 9 887978889 99888
15 - Acceptance in the Desert Tense, Confrontational, Defiant 8.5 8 88 9 887978888 99888
16 - Night at Manitas' Compound Tense, Mysterious, Intense, Suspenseful 8.5 8 99 9 887979988 89888
17 - Echoes of Conflict Tense, Reflective, Intense, Dark 8.5 8 98 8 897979979 99888
18 - Under the Stars: A Tense Encounter Tense, Mysterious, Intense, Intriguing 8.5 8 89 9 787877888 99888
19 - Dawn of Decisions Tense, Mysterious, Intense 8.7 9 99 9 887979988 99888
20 - A Song of Longing Tense, Reflective, Emotional 8.5 9 89 9 987979879 99888
21 - In Hiding: A Mother's Despair Tense, Emotional, Protective, Desperate 8.5 8 89 9 887879879 99888
22 - Shadows of the Past Tense, Emotional, Suspenseful 9.2 9 109 9 98797910810 99888
23 - Awakening to Gratitude Anxious, Grateful, Hopeful 8.5 8 89 9 787476779 79888
24 - From Recovery to Confidence Tense, Professional, Confident 8.5 8 88 9 887777878 98899
25 - Unveiled Intentions Tense, Confrontational, Emotional 8.5 8 99 9 887989989 99888
26 - Unexpected Return Tense, Anxious, Resentful 8.5 8 98 9 887978979 89888
27 - A Warm Welcome Home Emotional, Tense, Hopeful 8.5 8 89 9 587475679 99888
28 - A Night of Concern and Care Tense, Emotional, Supportive 8.5 8 89 9 787666879 99888
29 - Morning Discontent at Emilia's Villa Tense, Emotional, Conversational 7.5 7 79 8 687786777 79888
30 - Haunted Melodies Dark, Intense, Emotional 8.5 8 89 9 887777789 79888
31 - Market Encounters: A Shift from Joy to Sorrow Tense, Awkward, Dark 8.5 8 89 9 887.5887889 998.588
32 - Whispers of Memory Emotional, Reflective, Nostalgic 9.2 10 99 9 9973647710 89888
33 - Confessions in the Shadows Tense, Confessional, Sinister 8.5 9 88 9 987979878 99888
34 - Echoes of the Disappeared Tense, Emotional, Reflective 8.5 8 99 8 887888989 99888
35 - A Ray of Hope Amidst Scrutiny Serious, Mysterious, Defensive 8.2 9 88 9 787878978 99888
36 - Diverging Perspectives Tense, Serious, Defensive, Resolute 8.2 8 89 9 887888878 99888
37 - Chorus of Hope and Redemption Hopeful, Reflective, Emotional, Resolute 9.2 10 99 9 9988787710 89888
38 - Reflections Under the City Lights Introspective, Reflective, Emotional 8.5 8 89 9 887675789 99888
39 - Gala of Shadows Tense, Intense, Confrontational 8.5 8 89 9 887.5989989 99888
40 - Shaking Foundations Serious, Critical, Satirical 9.2 9 99 9 987989989 99888
41 - Confronting the Past Tense, Emotional, Suspenseful 8.5 8 88 9 898787789 99999
42 - Dark Humor in the Shadows Intense, Emotional, Tense, Dark 8.5 8 99 9 887778889 99888
43 - A Morning of Connection Intimate, Reflective, Hopeful 9.2 9 98 10 8873667710 89888
44 - A Song of Unspoken Love Introspective, Emotional, Reflective 8.5 8 89 9 897463679 79888
45 - Empowerment in the Office Reflective, Intimate, Emotional 8.5 8 89 9 887676779 99888
46 - Nightlife Revelations Sensual, Intimate, Reflective 8.5 8 89 9 887676779 89888
47 - Morning Tensions Intimate, Reflective, Emotional 8.5 8 88 9 887374679 78899
48 - Confrontation in the Shadows Tense, Emotional, Confrontational 8.5 8 99 9 887988989 89888
49 - Fractured Bonds Intense, Emotional, Tense 8.5 8 99 9 887.5989989 898.588
50 - Under Siege and Missed Connections Tense, Suspenseful, Mysterious 8.5 8 98 8 787787888 99999
51 - A Disturbing Revelation Tense, Emotional, Mysterious 8.5 8 89 9 787777889 99888
52 - The Mysterious Delivery Suspenseful, Mysterious, Intriguing 7.5 8 79 7 587676775 79888
53 - A Gruesome Delivery Tense, Suspenseful, Emotional 9.2 9 98 9 987.59810989 99888
54 - Descent into Darkness Tense, Dark, Intense 8.5 8 99 8 887989989 89888
55 - The Ambush at the Quarry Tense, Dark, Suspenseful 8.5 8 98 8 787.5989988 89988
56 - Night of Tension Intense, Tense, Dark, Mysterious 9.2 9 98 9 987.59891089 998.588
57 - Shadows of the Past Intense, Emotional, Tense 8.5 8 99 9 887979989 89888
58 - Desperate Struggle Tense, Dramatic, Suspenseful, Violent 8.5 8 88 8 889989989 89999
59 - Echoes of Loss Sadness, Regret, Longing 8.5 8 89 9 787677779 89888
60 - A Song of Remembrance Mourning, Reflective, Sorrowful, Hopeful 9.2 9 98 9 3972636610 89888


Scene 1 - Nightfall in Mexico City
EXT. MEXICO CITY - NIGHT

Top shot and perpendicular zoom: Mexico City. Lights shimmer
like stars, building facades lit up like video games, etc.

In the far distance, a peddler’s saturated chant: “Se compran
colchones.”

WOMAN (FROM AFAR)
Se compran,
colchones, tambores,
refrigeradores, estufas,
lavadoras,
micro-ondas…
¿o algo de fierro viejo que vendan?


EXT. APARTMENT MENDOZA - NIGHT

As we approach the buildings, we first discover empty offices,
then apartments. On the top floor of a luxury building, we make
out silhouettes behind the curtains.

WOMAN (FROM AFAR)
Se compran,
colchones, tambores,
refrigeradores, estufas,
lavadoras,
micro-ondas…
¿o algo de fierro viejo que vendan?

A woman tries to escape a man’s attack. Extreme violence.
Suddenly he grabs her, pulls her to the bay window, lifts her up
and throws her like a bundle over the railing.

Just as she hits the ground, the image freezes in a flash of
light.


INSERT COMPUTER SCREEN:

A cascade of letters form the file heading:

CASE: “GABRIEL MENDOZA”
DEFENSE SPEECH

A woman’s voice. Almost internal, and halting, as if groping for
her words in what sounds like a defense speech.

1M1 EL ALEGATO

RITA (O.S.)
Este caso, este caso, este caso
This case, this case, this case.
Genres: ["Thriller","Drama"]

Summary The scene opens with a vibrant view of Mexico City at night, interrupted by a violent struggle between a man and a woman in an apartment building. The man violently throws the woman from a high window, and the moment of impact is frozen on screen. This intense moment transitions to a computer screen displaying the case file for 'Gabriel Mendoza,' accompanied by a woman's voice preparing a defense speech, shifting the tone from violence to a somber reflection on the legal implications of the incident.
Strengths
  • Intense atmosphere
  • Mystery
  • Suspenseful pacing
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development
  • Sparse dialogue

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively sets a dark and suspenseful tone while introducing key elements of the plot. The use of contrasting visuals and the sudden violence create a gripping opening.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of blending a violent event with a defense speech is innovative and sets up a compelling mystery. The scene effectively hooks the audience and establishes the central conflict.

Plot: 8

The plot is advanced through the introduction of the case file and the violent incident, setting up key elements that will drive the story forward. The scene effectively establishes the stakes and the central mystery.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the theme of violence and justice, with a unique setting in Mexico City and a blend of cultural elements and technological aspects. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 7.5

While the characters are not deeply developed in this scene, the intense situation hints at complex relationships and motivations that will likely be explored further. The focus is more on the action and mystery at this point.

Character Changes: 7

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the intense situation hints at potential growth and development for the characters as the story progresses.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is likely survival or escape from the violent attack she is facing. This reflects her deeper need for safety and security.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to physically survive the attack and potentially seek justice for the violence she experienced. This reflects the immediate challenge she is facing in the moment.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The level of conflict is high, with the violent attack and the mystery surrounding the case file creating immediate tension and danger. The scene establishes a sense of urgency and sets up the central conflict of the story.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing a life-threatening situation that adds complexity and uncertainty to the narrative.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high, with the violent attack and the mystery surrounding the case file creating immediate danger and urgency. The scene establishes the risks faced by the characters and the importance of the central conflict.

Story Forward: 8

The scene effectively moves the story forward by introducing key plot elements and setting up the central conflict. The audience is given important information that will drive the narrative forward.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the sudden and shocking violence that occurs, keeping the audience on edge and unsure of the outcome.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the struggle between violence and justice, as the protagonist faces a violent attack and potentially seeks legal recourse for the harm done to her. This challenges her beliefs about the nature of justice and the consequences of violence.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene has a strong emotional impact due to the sudden violence and the sense of danger it creates. The audience is immediately drawn into the story and invested in the characters' fates.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is sparse but impactful, with the defense speech providing a cryptic glimpse into the central conflict. The lack of dialogue during the violent moment adds to the tension and suspense.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense action, dramatic conflict, and emotional stakes for the protagonist.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, leading to a climactic moment that leaves the audience wanting more.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings, dialogue, and action descriptions.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, leading to a climactic moment that leaves the audience wanting more.


Critique
  • The opening shot of Mexico City at night is visually striking and sets a vibrant tone, but it could benefit from a stronger connection to the narrative. Consider incorporating elements that foreshadow the violence to come, perhaps through contrasting imagery or sound design that hints at underlying tension.
  • The repetition of the peddler's chant serves to establish the setting, but it feels somewhat redundant. The chant could be varied or interspersed with other ambient sounds to create a more dynamic auditory landscape that reflects the chaos and vibrancy of the city.
  • The transition from the peddler's chant to the violent struggle is abrupt. While this jarring shift can be effective, it may leave the audience disoriented. A gradual build-up of tension leading into the violence could enhance the impact of the scene.
  • The description of the violent act is visceral, but it risks overshadowing the emotional weight of the moment. Consider focusing more on the woman's perspective or internal struggle during the attack to evoke empathy from the audience.
  • The freeze-frame at the moment of impact is a bold stylistic choice, but it may come off as gimmicky if not executed with care. Ensure that this moment serves a clear narrative purpose, perhaps by linking it more explicitly to the subsequent computer screen reveal.
  • The voiceover of Rita preparing a defense speech introduces her character but lacks context. Providing a brief glimpse into her motivations or emotional state could create a stronger connection between the violent act and the legal implications that follow.
Suggestions
  • Enhance the opening shot by incorporating subtle hints of tension, such as distant sirens or muffled arguments, to foreshadow the violence.
  • Vary the peddler's chant or introduce additional sounds that reflect the city's atmosphere, creating a richer auditory experience.
  • Consider a gradual build-up to the violent act, perhaps through visual cues or escalating sounds, to prepare the audience for the shock.
  • Focus on the woman's emotional experience during the struggle to foster empathy and deepen the audience's connection to her plight.
  • Ensure the freeze-frame serves a narrative purpose by linking it more clearly to Rita's voiceover, perhaps by showing her reaction to the event or her thoughts on the case.
  • Provide more context for Rita's voiceover, such as her emotional state or her relationship to the case, to create a stronger narrative thread connecting the violence to the legal implications.



Scene 2 - Unheard Arguments
INT. 7-ELEVEN MARKET - EVENING

A mixed noise of radio and television broadcasting video
surveillance images.

RITA MORA CASTRO is 27. Wearing braided stretch pants, a
shapeless jacket, and gold loafers, she does not look like much.
A heavy bag is slung over her shoulder.

She continues with her speech that no one seems to be listening
to.

RITA
Señor presidente, señor juez
Honorables defensores de la familia de la
difunta
Mr. President, Mr. Judge
Honorable advocates for the family of the deceased,

Honorables colegas de la parte civil
Estimados miembros del jurado, estoy de
acuerdo con mis colegas de la fiscalía,
Honorable colleagues of the civil party
Dear members of the jury, I agree with my colleagues from
the prosecution,

Este caso es un caso demasiado mundano
Es un caso de violencia
This case is too mundane a case.
It is a case of violence,


She sees her reflection in the fridge doors…

… opens a door, takes out a pack of frozen food. She checks the
ingredients, scowls and puts it back.

She goes to the register to pay. The cashier wears an eye patch
behind his glasses. She leaves.
Genres: ["Drama","Legal"]

Summary In a 7-Eleven market, Rita Mora Castro, a 27-year-old woman, delivers a passionate legal speech that goes unnoticed by everyone around her. As she reflects on her appearance in the fridge doors, she grapples with feelings of self-doubt and frustration. After finding the frozen food unsatisfactory, she decides to leave it behind and pays the cashier, who wears an eye patch. The scene captures Rita's isolation and the futility of her efforts to be acknowledged, ending with her departure from the store.
Strengths
  • Effective introduction of Rita's character
  • Juxtaposition of professional and personal life
  • Establishment of tone and themes
Weaknesses
  • Limited plot progression
  • Low conflict level

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 7.5

The scene effectively sets up Rita's character and introduces the tone of the legal drama. The juxtaposition of the defense speech with the grocery shopping adds depth to Rita's character and creates an intriguing contrast.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of juxtaposing Rita's professional life with her personal life through the defense speech and grocery shopping is innovative and engaging. It adds depth to Rita's character and sets up potential conflicts and themes for the rest of the screenplay.

Plot: 7

While the plot doesn't advance significantly in this scene, it effectively introduces Rita's character and sets up potential conflicts and themes for the rest of the screenplay.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a unique blend of cultural elements, language usage, and societal commentary, making it stand out in its originality.


Character Development

Characters: 8

Rita is well-developed in this scene, with her formal demeanor in the defense speech contrasting with her mundane task of grocery shopping. The scene hints at potential character development and conflicts to come.

Character Changes: 6

Rita's character undergoes subtle changes in this scene, hinting at potential growth and conflicts to come. The contrast between her professional and personal life sets up opportunities for character development.

Internal Goal: 8

Rita's internal goal in this scene is to express her frustration and disillusionment with the legal system and the violence she sees in society. This reflects her deeper desire for justice and fairness.

External Goal: 6

Rita's external goal in this scene is to buy food from the 7-Eleven market. This reflects the immediate circumstances of her need for sustenance.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

While there is not a high level of conflict in this scene, the potential for conflicts is established through Rita's defense speech and the contrast with her personal life.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene comes from Rita's frustration with the legal system and societal violence, creating a strong internal conflict for her to overcome.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are not extremely high in this scene, but the potential for conflicts and moral dilemmas sets up opportunities for high stakes in future developments.

Story Forward: 7

While the scene doesn't significantly move the plot forward, it effectively introduces Rita's character, themes, and potential conflicts, setting the stage for future developments.

Unpredictability: 6

This scene is somewhat predictable in its setting and character interactions, but Rita's internal conflict adds an element of unpredictability.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the tension between the mundanity of everyday life and the violence and injustice that Rita sees in society. This challenges Rita's beliefs in the fairness of the legal system and the morality of society.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6.5

The scene has a somber tone and hints at emotional depth through Rita's character and the themes of violence and justice. It sets up potential emotional impact for future developments.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys Rita's character and the tone of the legal drama. It sets up potential conflicts and themes while establishing Rita's professional and personal life.

Engagement: 7

This scene is engaging due to the unique character of Rita, the cultural and societal commentary, and the inner conflict she faces.

Pacing: 7

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and highlighting Rita's inner turmoil, contributing to its overall effectiveness.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings, character descriptions, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with a setup, conflict, and resolution, fitting the expected format for its genre.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes Rita's character as a lawyer who is struggling to be heard, which aligns with the themes of violence and societal neglect introduced in the previous scene. However, the setting of a 7-Eleven market feels somewhat disconnected from the gravity of the legal proceedings and the violent context established earlier. This contrast could be used to enhance the thematic depth, but it currently feels jarring.
  • Rita's speech is written in a way that reflects her passion and dedication, but it lacks emotional engagement. The dialogue feels somewhat flat and does not convey the urgency or weight of the case she is discussing. This could be improved by incorporating more personal stakes or emotional resonance in her words, making the audience feel her frustration and determination.
  • The moment where Rita sees her reflection in the fridge doors is a strong visual cue for self-reflection and doubt. However, this moment could be expanded to delve deeper into her internal conflict. What does she see in her reflection that makes her scowl? Is it her appearance, her current situation, or something deeper? This could add layers to her character and make her more relatable.
  • The cashier with an eye patch is an interesting character choice, but he is underutilized in this scene. There is an opportunity to create a brief interaction that could highlight Rita's state of mind or provide a moment of connection, even if it's fleeting. This could serve to contrast her isolation in the market with the shared struggles of others.
  • The transition from the speech to the mundane act of checking frozen food feels abrupt. While it serves to illustrate Rita's disconnection from her surroundings, it could be more seamlessly integrated. Perhaps a brief moment of her reflecting on the absurdity of her situation could enhance this transition.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a line or two to Rita's speech that personalizes the case, perhaps referencing a specific victim or a moment that impacted her deeply. This could help the audience connect with her emotionally.
  • Expand on the moment where Rita sees her reflection. Use this as an opportunity to explore her insecurities or doubts about her role in the case, which could resonate with the audience and add depth to her character.
  • Introduce a brief interaction with the cashier that reflects Rita's state of mind or highlights a shared experience of struggle. This could create a moment of connection and contrast with her isolation.
  • Revisit the pacing of the scene to ensure a smoother transition between Rita's speech and her mundane actions. Consider using her internal thoughts or a brief voiceover to bridge these moments, enhancing the thematic continuity.
  • Explore the setting further. Perhaps include more sensory details about the market that reflect Rita's emotional state, such as the sounds, smells, or sights that contribute to her feeling of disconnection.



Scene 3 - Echoes of Love and Violence
EXT. STREET IN CHAPULTEPEC - NIGHT

Rita walks out into the empty street. She walks for a moment,
lost in thought.

RITA
Ir hacia arriba, ir hacia abajo.
Ir hacia arriba, ir hacia abajo.
Ir hacia arriba, ir hacia abajo
Ir hacia arriba, ir hacia abajo
Going up, going down.
Going up, going down.
Going up, going down.
Going up, going down.


Her words are suddenly repeated by voices behind her. She turns
around. At the end of the street, a dense crowd coming her way.
It looks like a demonstration. It engulfs her, overtakes her...
The crowd is made up of dog walkers, scooters, hawkers selling
cigarette lighters and gaudy toys, bubble machines, sandwich
men...

RITA (CONT’D)
¿De qué hablamos hoy y ahora?
Hablamos de Violencia.
De Amor. De Muerte
De un País que sufre.
What are we talking about today and now?
We are talking about Violence.
About Love. About Death.
About a Country that suffers.

Rita is carried away by the flow. At times her feet no longer
touch the ground. The milling crowd repeats her words like a
slogan: “Violence, love, death, a suffering country...“

CUT TO:

Insert: a computer screen, words: “What are we talking about
today? Violence. Love. Death. A suffering country…”

BACK TO:

RITA (CONT’D)
¿De quién hablamos hoy y ahora?
Hablamos de una pareja.
La pareja que formaba mi cliente con su
esposa la que fue asesinada.
Who are we talking about today and now?
We are talking about a couple.
The couple my client and his wife, the one who was
killed.


In the middle of what looks like a bustling market: a
sidewalk café with high stools, steaming dishes and a
sizzling barbecue. Stalls are set up, laden with goods,
awnings are stretched over Rita. Shops, conversations,
commotion... Rita is caught up in the movement.

RITA (CONT’D)
Una pareja próspera, envidiada pero una
pareja pródiga
¿Quién dime quién en México
no les quera?, por favor?
A prosperous couple, much envied, but a prodigal couple.
Who, tell me who, in Mexico
didn't love them, please?

No es ningún cuento de hadas, es una
historia de amor

This is no fairy tale.
This is a love story

Vuelvo a los hechos.
Back to the facts.

On the ground in the dark: a man is knifed and beat to a pulp.
Money changes hands. A shopkeeper counts it and hands the
customer some money.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary Rita walks alone on a quiet street, contemplating themes of love and violence. Suddenly, she is swept into a bustling crowd that resembles a demonstration, where she begins to speak about the tragic love story of a client whose wife was murdered. As she reflects on the suffering in society, her words are echoed by the crowd, creating a chant-like atmosphere. The scene contrasts her somber narrative with a violent act occurring in the background, highlighting the tension between personal tragedy and societal issues. It ends with a stark image of violence, underscoring the harsh realities of life.
Strengths
  • Effective use of juxtaposition
  • Strong emotional impact
  • Compelling character introspection
Weaknesses
  • Limited character interaction
  • Potential for more dynamic visuals

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively sets the tone for the story, introducing key themes and providing insight into Rita's character. The use of contrasting elements adds depth and complexity to the narrative, engaging the audience and setting up future developments.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of juxtaposing Rita's internal monologue with the external setting is innovative and engaging, providing a unique perspective on the character and themes of the story. The scene effectively introduces key elements that will shape the narrative moving forward.

Plot: 8

The plot is advanced through Rita's reflections on the case she is working on, setting up the central conflict and establishing the stakes for the characters involved. The scene lays the groundwork for future developments and adds depth to the overall story.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces unique elements such as the demonstration in the street and Rita's internal struggle with the themes of violence and love. The dialogue feels authentic and adds depth to the characters.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

Rita is a complex and introspective character, whose internal struggles are juxtaposed with the external chaos of the street. Her reflections provide insight into her motivations and values, setting up potential character growth and development. The scene also introduces other characters indirectly, adding layers to the narrative.

Character Changes: 7

While Rita's character undergoes subtle changes in her reflections and interactions, the scene primarily focuses on establishing her internal struggles and motivations. The groundwork is laid for potential character growth and development in future scenes.

Internal Goal: 8

Rita's internal goal in this scene is to come to terms with the violence, love, death, and suffering that she sees around her. She is grappling with her emotions and trying to make sense of the situation.

External Goal: 7

Rita's external goal is to navigate through the crowd and the chaotic environment of the street. She is also trying to understand the story of the couple she is talking about.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The scene introduces conflict through Rita's reflections on the case she is working on, hinting at the challenges and obstacles she will face in seeking justice for her client. The tension between Rita's internal struggles and the external chaos of the street adds layers of conflict to the narrative.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Rita facing internal and external challenges that test her beliefs and values. The uncertainty of the demonstration adds to the conflict.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are set high in the scene through Rita's involvement in a challenging case and the thematic exploration of violence, love, and death. The emotional and moral implications of the story add depth and complexity to the characters' journeys.

Story Forward: 8

The scene effectively moves the story forward by introducing key themes, conflicts, and character dynamics that will shape the narrative. Rita's reflections provide insight into the central case and set up future plot developments, driving the story towards its resolution.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the sudden shift in tone and the unexpected revelation about the couple. The chaotic environment adds an element of surprise.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the themes of violence, love, death, and suffering. Rita is confronted with these harsh realities and must reconcile them with her beliefs and values.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene has a strong emotional impact, eliciting feelings of sadness, empathy, and intrigue in the audience. Rita's introspective monologue and the chaotic backdrop create a tense and emotional atmosphere, drawing viewers into the character's inner world.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys Rita's internal thoughts and emotions, adding depth to her character and setting the tone for the story. The use of both Spanish and English dialogue enhances the authenticity of the setting and characters.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its dynamic setting, compelling dialogue, and the mystery surrounding the couple Rita is discussing. The tension and urgency keep the audience invested in the story.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-balanced, with moments of introspection and action that keep the story moving forward. The rhythm of the dialogue adds to the tension and urgency of the scene.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is well-executed, with clear transitions between different locations and characters. The use of inserts adds depth to the storytelling.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with a buildup of tension and conflict, leading to a dramatic revelation about the couple Rita is talking about.


Critique
  • The scene effectively transitions from Rita's introspective moment to a chaotic crowd, which symbolizes the overwhelming nature of societal issues she is grappling with. However, the repetition of 'going up, going down' feels somewhat redundant and could be streamlined to enhance the impact of her internal conflict.
  • Rita's dialogue shifts between Spanish and English, which can be powerful in showcasing her cultural identity and the bilingual nature of her environment. However, the transitions could be more fluid to maintain the rhythm of the scene. The abrupt switch might confuse viewers who are not bilingual.
  • The imagery of the bustling market juxtaposed with Rita's serious speech about violence and love is compelling, but the scene could benefit from more sensory details to immerse the audience in the atmosphere. Describing the sounds, smells, and sights of the market could enhance the emotional weight of her words.
  • The crowd's echoing of Rita's words is a strong visual and thematic device, but it could be more impactful if the crowd's reactions varied. Instead of uniformly repeating her words, some could express disbelief, anger, or indifference, reflecting the complexity of public sentiment regarding violence and love in society.
  • The transition to the computer screen feels abrupt and somewhat disjointed. While it serves to connect Rita's speech to the broader themes of the screenplay, it could be integrated more smoothly to maintain the flow of the narrative.
Suggestions
  • Consider condensing the repetitive phrases at the beginning to create a more powerful opening. Perhaps use a single iteration of 'going up, going down' to establish her internal conflict before moving into the crowd.
  • Enhance the sensory details in the scene to create a more vivid atmosphere. Describe the sounds of the market, the scents of food, and the visual chaos to draw the audience deeper into the setting.
  • Explore varying reactions from the crowd to Rita's speech. This could add depth to the scene and reflect the diverse perspectives on the issues she is addressing.
  • Smooth out the transitions between Spanish and English to ensure that the dialogue flows naturally and is accessible to all viewers, regardless of their language proficiency.
  • Reconsider the placement of the computer screen insert. Instead of a direct cut, consider a gradual fade or a visual motif that connects Rita's speech to the broader themes, maintaining the emotional momentum of the scene.



Scene 4 - Voices of Justice in the Night Market
EXT. STREET IN CHAPULTEPEC - NIGHT

Insert: images of the MENDOZAS (both in their 50s).
Husband elegant and fit. Wife, same age, overly coiffed and
made up.

Rita walks through the crowded market. Young women accompany
her, repeating her words in unison.

RITA
De qué hablamos hoy y ahora?
De justicia que se compra?
¿Con veredictos pagados,
que engordan periodico,
cuellos cortados al lado derecho,
las chicas bonitas
al lado izquierdo
y el morbo corriendo
en las calles?
What are we talking about now and today?
Of a justice that can be bought?
With paid verdicts,
fattening tabloids,
cut necks on the right side,
pretty girls on the left side
and gossip running
in the streets?

The crowd occasionally joins in the refrain.

CHORUS
Ir hacia arriba, ir hacia abajo
Ir hacia arriba, ir hacia abajo
Ir hacia arriba, ir hacia abajo
Ir hacia arriba, ir hacia abajo
Going up, going down.
Going up, going down.
Going up, going down.
Going up, going down.

RITA
¿Con veredictos pagados,
cuellos cortados,
las chicas bonitas
el morbo corriendo
en las calles?

With paid verdicts,
cut necks,
pretty girls
and gossip in the streets?

RITA (CONT’D)
Distinguir lo verdadero de lo falso
Distinguish the true from the false


A table and chair appear. Rita places her computer on the
oilcloth and types. A refreshment stand has materialized
around her.

Insert: a printer churns out her defense speech.

Someone brings her a coffee.

RITA (CONT’D)
Vengan, todos, abran las Puertas
del Tribunal de su Conciencia
¡Oigan, respondan mi pregunta!
¿Podrían dar a mi cliente, el señor
Gabriel Mendoza, el derecho de amar
a su esposa?
Come, all of you, open the Doors
of the Court of your Consciousness.
Answer my question! Will you please give my client, Mr.
Gabriel Mendoza, the right to love his wife?


CUT TO:

Insert: computer screen: “the right to love his wife?”

BACK TO:

CHORUS
Su Señoría, pido el triunfo del
Amor, de la Inocencia, la derrota
de la Mala Fe
Fe, fe, fe, fe
Your Honor, I ask for the triumph of Love,
of Innocence, the defeat of Bad Faith, faith, faith,
faith, faith, faith.

Rita continues to type frenziedly. The owner of the stand
reads over her shoulder.

RITA
Cuando hablemos de Violencia
Hablemos de Compasión.
Hablemos de nuestros Muertos
Hablemos de nuestras Sombras
Acojamos nuestro Mundo.

When we speak of Violence
Let us speak of Compassion
Let us talk about our Dead,
Let us talk about our Shadows
Let us embrace our World

Cuando hablemos de Violencia
Abramos el Corazón
Amemos a las Mujeres
Perdonemos a los Hombres
Abracemos la Miseria,
¡La Miseria!
¡La Miseria!
¡La Miseria!
When we speak of Violence
Let us Open our Hearts
Let us Love Women
Let us Forgive Men
Let us Embrace Misery,
Misery!
Misery!
Misery!


…/…

Pages come out of the printer. Rita takes them mechanically
while rereading in a hurry:

RITA (CONT’D)
… Aún así es víctima de estos
mismos medios que se han encargado
de calumniarlo. Han sometido a mi
cliente y a su pareja al escrutinio
público. Ahora todos, nos sentimos
con el derecho de apuntar con el
dedo y tener una opinión
condenatoria hacia ellos dos…
... Yet he is a victim of these same media that have been
responsible for slandering him. They have put my client
and his partner under public scrutiny. Now, we all feel
we have the right to point fingers and have a condemning
opinion towards the two of them.

OWNER
¿Más café?
More coffee?

RITA
Sí, por favor.
Yes, please.

OWNER
Ya es hora, vas a llegar tarde.
It’s time, you’re going to be late.


Rita finishes the plea while packing up the sheets and
putting the computer in her briefcase.


RITA (ON/OFF)
Sí, sí… Me parece haber desmontado
no una, sino todas las pruebas de
la acusación.
Pido pura y simplemente la
liberación de mi cliente, el señor
Gabriel Mendoza.
Yes, yes… I seem to have refuted not one, but all of the
prosecution’s arguments.
I ask purely and simply that the case against my client
Gabriel Mendoza be dismissed…

She melts into the crowd of workers taking down stands and
leaving.

Over a neutral background, we segue to: feet and lower bodies
replaced by other feet and bodies. Feet of the rich soon
replace those of the poor.
Genres: ["Drama","Legal","Social Commentary"]

Summary In a bustling night market in Chapultepec, Rita passionately leads a group of young women in a chant advocating for justice and love while typing a defense speech for her client, Gabriel Mendoza. Engaging the crowd, she encourages them to open their 'Court of Consciousness' and reflect on societal issues, including violence and media scrutiny. The scene highlights Rita's connection to the community as she prepares to present her case, culminating in her blending into the crowd of market workers, symbolizing the ongoing struggle for justice.
Strengths
  • Powerful dialogue
  • Emotional intensity
  • Innovative setting
Weaknesses
  • Lack of overt conflict
  • Some repetitive elements in the dialogue

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys the emotional intensity of Rita's defense speech while highlighting the societal issues she is addressing. The use of the crowded market as a setting adds depth to the scene and enhances the themes of justice and compassion.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of blending a legal defense speech with a crowded market setting is innovative and engaging. The scene effectively explores themes of justice, love, and societal issues through Rita's impassioned plea.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene revolves around Rita's defense of Gabriel Mendoza and the societal commentary she provides. The scene moves the story forward by introducing key themes and conflicts that will likely impact the narrative.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh approach to legal drama, blending social commentary with personal struggles and philosophical themes. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and compelling, adding to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

Rita is a compelling character who is driven by a strong sense of justice and compassion. Her passionate delivery of the defense speech showcases her determination and empathy. The other characters, like the owner of the stand, provide context and contrast to Rita's character.

Character Changes: 7

Rita undergoes a subtle transformation in the scene as she transitions from reflection to passionate advocacy. Her emotional journey is evident in her speech and actions.

Internal Goal: 9

Rita's internal goal is to challenge societal injustices and fight for the rights of her client, Mr. Gabriel Mendoza. This reflects her deeper desire for justice and compassion in a world filled with corruption and violence.

External Goal: 8

Rita's external goal is to deliver a compelling defense speech for Mr. Gabriel Mendoza and secure his right to love his wife. This reflects the immediate challenge of navigating a corrupt legal system and public opinion.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

While there is not overt conflict in the scene, there is a sense of tension and urgency in Rita's defense speech. The societal issues she addresses create a subtle conflict that drives the emotional impact of the scene.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Rita facing societal norms, public opinion, and legal challenges. The audience is left wondering how she will overcome these obstacles and achieve her goals.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in the scene as Rita pleads for the freedom and justice of her client, Gabriel Mendoza. The outcome of her defense speech could have significant consequences for the characters involved.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing key themes, conflicts, and character motivations. Rita's defense of Gabriel Mendoza sets the stage for future developments in the narrative.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting dynamics between Rita, the Mendozas, and the crowd. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of the outcome of Rita's defense speech.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the themes of justice, compassion, and societal norms. Rita challenges the audience to question their beliefs and values, urging them to embrace love and forgiveness in the face of violence and condemnation.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact due to Rita's passionate delivery, the themes of justice and compassion, and the chaotic backdrop of the crowded market. The audience is likely to feel moved by the intensity of the scene.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene is powerful and thought-provoking, reflecting the themes of justice, love, and compassion. Rita's speech is particularly impactful, drawing the audience into her emotional journey.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its powerful dialogue, emotional depth, and social relevance. The audience is drawn into Rita's struggle for justice and compassion, rooting for her success.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, building tension and emotion as Rita delivers her defense speech. The rapid dialogue and actions create a sense of urgency and importance.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and concise, following the expected format for its genre. The visual cues and transitions help to guide the reader through the complex dialogue and actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format that effectively conveys the protagonist's goals and challenges. The pacing and rhythm enhance the emotional impact of the dialogue and actions.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the chaotic atmosphere of the night market, using Rita's chant and the crowd's participation to create a sense of urgency and collective consciousness. However, the transition from the violent imagery of the previous scene to the more abstract themes of justice and love could be made smoother. The abrupt shift may confuse the audience, as the emotional weight of the violence is not fully acknowledged in this scene.
  • Rita's dialogue is powerful and poetic, but it risks becoming overly didactic at times. While the themes of justice, compassion, and societal issues are crucial, the repetition of certain phrases may dilute their impact. The use of both Spanish and English is a strong choice that reflects the cultural context, but it could benefit from a more seamless integration to maintain the flow of the dialogue.
  • The visual elements, such as the printer churning out the defense speech and the coffee being served, add a layer of realism to the scene. However, the introduction of the refreshment stand and the owner feels somewhat contrived. It may be more effective to focus on Rita's connection with the crowd and her message rather than introducing additional characters that do not significantly contribute to the narrative.
  • The chorus of young women echoing Rita's words is a compelling device that emphasizes the communal aspect of her message. However, the repetition of 'Going up, going down' could be more thematically tied to the content of Rita's speech. As it stands, it feels somewhat disconnected from the serious nature of the topics being discussed.
  • The ending of the scene, where Rita melts into the crowd, is visually striking and symbolizes her connection to the community. However, the transition to the feet of the rich replacing those of the poor could be more explicitly linked to the themes of the scene. This imagery is powerful but may leave the audience wanting a clearer connection to Rita's message about justice and societal inequality.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of reflection from Rita after the chant, allowing her to acknowledge the violence and its impact on the community before transitioning to her speech. This could create a more cohesive emotional arc.
  • Streamline the dialogue to maintain its poetic nature while reducing redundancy. Focus on the most impactful phrases and consider varying the structure to keep the audience engaged.
  • Reevaluate the role of the refreshment stand owner. If they are not integral to the scene, consider removing them or giving them a more defined purpose that ties back to Rita's message.
  • Enhance the thematic connection between the chorus and Rita's speech. Perhaps the chorus could incorporate phrases that directly relate to the themes of justice and compassion, making their participation feel more relevant.
  • Clarify the imagery at the end of the scene by explicitly linking the transition from the feet of the poor to the feet of the rich to the themes of inequality and societal injustice that Rita is advocating against.



Scene 5 - The Weight of Regret
EXT/INT. COURTHOUSE

We follow two chairs being carried by two hands. We enter
what seems to be another place: noise, reverberating
echoes...

A loud amplified voice:

MAN
¡Corte, pónganse de pie!
All rise! The judge!

Chairs are moved. Silence.

MAN (CONT’D)
Ya pueden sentarse.
Please sit.

Chairs scrape. An audience takes its place in a courtroom.


INT. MEXICO CITY COURTROOM - NIGHT

Rita watches her boss, the lawyer BERLINGER, unfold "his"
plea with poses of torero. Occasionally she mouths the words
of “her” closing argument. She pushes a sheet of paper on the
table so that Berlinger can discreetly read it.

BERLINGER
Ahora todos, nos sentimos con el
derecho de apuntar con el dedo y
tener una opinión condenatoria
hacia ellos dos. Hoy quisiera
apelar a sus conciencias señoras y
señores.
(MORE)
BERLINGER (CONT’D)
¿Ustedes creen que Gabriel Mendoza
ha levantado un dedo no en contra
de su mujer sino en contra de
cualquier mujer o persona cuando ha
hecho tanto bien a la gente de esta
ciudad?
Now, we all feel we have the right to point fingers and
have a condemning opinion towards the two of them. Today
I would like to appeal to your consciences. Ladies and
gentlemen, do you believe that Gabriel Mendoza has raised
a finger not only against his wife but against any woman
or person when he has done so much good for the people of
this city?

BERLINGER (CONT’D)
Me parece haber desmontado no una,
sino todas las pruebas de la
acusación. Pido pura y simplemente
la liberación de mi cliente, el
señor Gabriel Mendoza.
I seem to have refuted not one, but all of the
prosecution’s arguments.
I ask purely and simply that the case against my client
Gabriel Mendoza be dismissed…

Next to him, Gabriel Mendoza follows the plea with a
regretful look.

Like a flash: the body of the woman in sequence 1 continues
to plummet and crashes on the sidewalk.

On the twelfth floor, a grey-haired, well-dressed man looks
over the railing: GABRIEL MENDOZA.
Genres: ["Legal Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In a tense Mexico City courtroom, lawyer Berlinger delivers a passionate closing argument defending his client, Gabriel Mendoza, against the prosecution's claims. With the help of his assistant Rita, Berlinger appeals to the jury's conscience, questioning their judgment and highlighting Mendoza's contributions to the community. Flashbacks reveal a tragic incident linking Mendoza to a woman's fall, adding depth to his character. As Berlinger pleads for Mendoza's release, the scene concludes with Mendoza's regretful expression, hinting at his troubled past.
Strengths
  • Compelling dialogue
  • Emotional depth
  • Tension building
Weaknesses
  • Limited visual description
  • Some repetitive elements in the dialogue

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively combines elements of legal drama and thriller genres, creating a tense and reflective atmosphere. The dialogue is compelling, and the emotional impact is significant.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene revolves around the legal defense of Gabriel Mendoza, intertwined with themes of justice, morality, and personal sacrifice. The scene effectively conveys these concepts through dialogue and character interactions.

Plot: 8.5

The plot of the scene is crucial in advancing the narrative, revealing key information about the case and the characters involved. The tension and stakes are heightened, keeping the audience engaged.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh approach to the courtroom drama genre by focusing on the moral complexity of the characters and their actions. The authenticity of the dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters in the scene are well-developed, with distinct personalities and motivations. The interactions between Rita, Berlinger, and Gabriel Mendoza add depth to the story and contribute to the emotional impact.

Character Changes: 8

The characters undergo significant emotional and moral changes during the scene, particularly Rita as she navigates the complexities of the case and her personal beliefs.

Internal Goal: 8

Rita's internal goal is to support her boss, Berlinger, in his defense of Gabriel Mendoza. This reflects her desire to succeed in her job and loyalty to her employer.

External Goal: 7

Berlinger's external goal is to convince the jury to dismiss the case against Gabriel Mendoza. This reflects the immediate challenge of defending his client in court.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, as the characters grapple with moral decisions and personal convictions. The tension between justice and compassion drives the narrative forward.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting viewpoints and moral dilemmas that challenge the characters' beliefs and values.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in the scene, as the fate of Gabriel Mendoza hangs in the balance, and moral principles clash with legal obligations. The outcome of the trial will have far-reaching consequences for the characters involved.

Story Forward: 9

The scene effectively moves the story forward by revealing crucial information, deepening character relationships, and raising the stakes for the upcoming events. The narrative momentum is maintained throughout.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twist at the end with the woman's body falling, adding a new layer of complexity to the narrative.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the question of whether a person's past good deeds can outweigh their current actions. This challenges the values of justice and morality.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, eliciting feelings of empathy, tension, and reflection from the audience. The dramatic events and heartfelt pleas resonate on a deep emotional level.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene is impactful, conveying the legal arguments, emotional turmoil, and moral dilemmas faced by the characters. The speeches are well-crafted and reveal insights into the characters' beliefs and values.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the high stakes, moral dilemma, and dramatic tension created by the characters' actions and dialogue.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene builds tension effectively, with a gradual escalation of conflict and a climactic moment of revelation.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a courtroom drama, with the introduction of characters, the presentation of arguments, and a dramatic moment of tension.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes the courtroom setting and the tension surrounding Gabriel Mendoza's trial. However, the transition from the previous scene to this one feels abrupt. The shift from the vibrant market to the sterile courtroom could benefit from a more gradual transition that maintains the emotional weight of the previous events.
  • Berlinger's speech is passionate and serves to highlight the moral complexities of the case. However, the dialogue could be more impactful if it included specific examples of Mendoza's good deeds, rather than general statements. This would help the audience connect emotionally with the character and understand the stakes involved.
  • The visual description of Rita mouthing the words of Berlinger's plea is a strong choice, as it emphasizes her involvement and investment in the case. However, it might be beneficial to include more of her internal thoughts or feelings during this moment to deepen her character development and provide insight into her motivations.
  • The flashback of the woman falling is a powerful visual cue that connects the courtroom proceedings to the violent act that initiated the story. However, the timing of this flashback could be refined to ensure it doesn't disrupt the flow of Berlinger's argument. It might be more effective if it were integrated into the speech itself, perhaps as a rhetorical device to evoke empathy from the jury.
  • The scene ends with a strong visual of Gabriel Mendoza looking regretful, which effectively conveys his internal conflict. However, it would be beneficial to explore his emotions further, perhaps through a brief internal monologue or a reaction shot that captures his feelings about the plea and the implications of the trial.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a transitional moment that bridges the vibrant market scene to the courtroom, perhaps through a montage of Rita's thoughts or a voiceover reflecting on the case's significance.
  • Enhance Berlinger's speech by incorporating specific anecdotes or examples of Mendoza's contributions to the community, making his defense more relatable and compelling.
  • Include Rita's internal thoughts or feelings during Berlinger's plea to provide depth to her character and illustrate her emotional investment in the case.
  • Revisit the timing of the flashback to the woman's fall, ensuring it complements Berlinger's argument rather than interrupting it. This could involve integrating it as part of his rhetorical strategy.
  • Explore Gabriel Mendoza's emotions more deeply at the end of the scene, possibly through a brief internal monologue or a close-up shot that captures his regret and the weight of the trial's outcome.



Scene 6 - A Moment of Triumph and Discomfort
INT. COURTHOUSE - NIGHT

In the foreground, Rita's face on the phone, behind Mendoza
and Berlinger in the spotlight of the TV cameras.

RITA
... ¿Bueno, mamá? Ganamos. Sí,
ganamos... sí, sí estoy contenta...
Pero tengo un mal sabor en la
boca... te decía que... Nada,
olvídalo... ¿el domingo? No
puedo..Tengo un buen de
pendientes... Yo también, besos
bye...
... Hello, Mom? We won. Yes, we won... Yes, yes, I'm
happy... Just a little bad taste in my mouth... I was
telling you that... Nothing, never mind... Sunday? I
won't be able to... I have a lot of work... Me too,
kisses bye...

She hangs up. Rita looks for a moment at Mendoza and
Berlinger...


BERLINGER
Ni mi cliente, ni yo no dudamos
jamas de la justicia de mi país.
Neither my client nor I ever doubt the justice of my
country.

… Suddenly something seems to annoy her, as if her pants were
too tight.

RITA
…¡No, vale madre!
Shit!

She understands. She turns around looking for someone. She
goes to a secretary deep in discussion with a lawyer.

RITA (CONT’D)
Disculpa… (al oído de la chica) ¿No
tendrás un tampón porfa? Soy un
desmadre en este momento...
Excuse me… (into the girl’s ear) Do you have a tampon?
I’m a mess right now…
Genres: ["Legal Drama","Social Commentary"]

Summary In a bustling courthouse at night, Rita shares her mixed feelings about a recent court victory with her mother over the phone. As she observes Mendoza and Berlinger confidently addressing the press about the justice system, she suddenly feels uncomfortable and realizes she needs a tampon. Discreetly, she approaches a nearby secretary for assistance, highlighting her personal crisis amidst the professional atmosphere.
Strengths
  • Strong thematic exploration
  • Engaging character interactions
  • Emotionally resonant dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Limited external conflict
  • Some tonal inconsistencies

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively combines emotional depth with thematic relevance, creating a compelling narrative that engages the audience. The dialogue and character interactions add layers of complexity to the story, enhancing its impact.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of blending legal drama with social commentary is innovative and well-executed in this scene. It adds depth and complexity to the narrative, making it more engaging and thought-provoking.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene is intricately woven with themes of justice, love, and personal struggles. It effectively advances the overall story while providing insight into the characters' motivations and conflicts.

Originality: 8

The scene's use of bilingual dialogue, realistic character interactions, and blending of personal and professional elements adds originality to the familiar setting of a courthouse.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters in the scene are well-developed and engaging, each contributing to the thematic exploration and emotional depth of the narrative. Their interactions add layers of complexity to the story.

Character Changes: 8

The characters undergo subtle changes in their perspectives and motivations throughout the scene, reflecting their growth and development. These changes add depth to their personalities and relationships.

Internal Goal: 8

Rita's internal goal is to maintain composure and professionalism despite feeling overwhelmed and frustrated.

External Goal: 7

Rita's external goal is to find a tampon discreetly in a professional setting.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, focusing on the characters' struggles with personal and professional dilemmas. While there is tension and emotional depth, the external conflict is relatively low.

Opposition: 6

The opposition in the scene is moderate, with Rita facing a personal challenge in a professional setting.

High Stakes: 8

While the stakes are relatively high in terms of the characters' personal and professional lives, the external conflict is not as intense. However, the emotional and thematic stakes are significant, driving the narrative forward.

Story Forward: 8

The scene effectively moves the story forward by advancing the plot, developing the characters, and deepening the thematic exploration. It sets the stage for future conflicts and resolutions.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected blend of personal and professional elements in a legal setting.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The conflict between Rita's personal needs and the expectations of professionalism in a legal setting challenges her values and beliefs.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from passion and reflection to frustration and empathy. The characters' struggles and the thematic exploration contribute to the emotional impact of the narrative.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene is impactful and reflective of the characters' personalities and motivations. It effectively conveys emotions and themes, enhancing the audience's connection to the story.

Engagement: 8

This scene is engaging due to the mix of humor, tension, and relatable character interactions.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively balances dialogue and action, maintaining the audience's interest.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear dialogue attribution and scene descriptions.

Structure: 9

The scene follows the expected structure for a dialogue-driven scene in a legal setting, with clear character interactions and progression.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures Rita's internal conflict and discomfort, which adds depth to her character. The juxtaposition of her personal struggle with the public spectacle of the courtroom creates an interesting tension.
  • The dialogue is realistic and relatable, particularly the phone conversation with her mother, which conveys both a sense of victory and underlying dissatisfaction. However, the transition from the phone call to her immediate physical discomfort feels abrupt and could benefit from a smoother connection.
  • Rita's frustration is palpable, but the use of the exclamation '¡No, vale madre!' feels somewhat jarring in the context of the courtroom setting. While it reflects her emotional state, it may disrupt the tone established in the previous scenes. A more subtle expression of her annoyance could maintain the scene's gravity.
  • The introduction of the tampon request adds a layer of humor and humanity to Rita's character, but it may also detract from the serious atmosphere of the courtroom. This contrast could be effective if handled delicately, but it risks undermining the emotional weight of the preceding scenes.
  • The visual framing of Rita in the foreground with Mendoza and Berlinger in the background is a strong choice, emphasizing her isolation amidst the celebration. However, the scene could benefit from more descriptive visual elements to enhance the atmosphere and provide a clearer sense of the courtroom's dynamics.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of reflection or a visual cue that connects Rita's phone call to her discomfort, such as a close-up of her face showing a mix of emotions before she realizes her need for a tampon.
  • Explore alternative expressions of Rita's frustration that align more closely with the courtroom's serious tone, perhaps through body language or a more subdued exclamation.
  • If the humor of the tampon request is essential, consider framing it in a way that highlights Rita's vulnerability without undermining the scene's gravity. For example, she could whisper her request with a hint of embarrassment, making it feel more intimate.
  • Enhance the visual description of the courtroom setting to create a more immersive experience for the audience. Consider details like the reactions of the press, the atmosphere in the room, or the expressions of Mendoza and Berlinger to enrich the scene.
  • To maintain the emotional weight of the scene, consider delaying the tampon request until after Berlinger's statement, allowing the audience to fully absorb the gravity of the moment before introducing a lighter note.



Scene 7 - A Call for Control
INT. WOMEN’S RESTROOM COURTHOUSE - DAY

We hear bathroom noises. Toilets flushing, faucets, blowers,
etc.

Blood on her hands. Her phone vibrates. She wipes her hand on
toilet paper and grabs her phone with two fingers so it won't
get bloodied.

She looks at the screen. Unknown caller.

She answers.

RITA
¿Sí, qué?
Hello?

Heavy breathing.

RITA (CONT’D)
¿Bueno?
Hello?

MAN (O.S.)
¿Señora Rita Mora Castro?
Señora Rita Mora Castro?

RITA
Sí.
Yes.


MAN (O.S.)
… ¿Pero qué anda haciendo en el
baño? A quien deberían aplaudirle
es a usted.
So what are you doing in the crapper? You’re the one who
should be lauded.

Rita instinctively looks around.

RITA


MAN (O.S.)
¿Le gustaría ser ama y señora de su
propio destino, aunque sea una vez?
How would you like to be master of your fate for once?

RITA
¿Quién habla?
Who are you?

MAN (O.S.)
Si le interesa va a buscarla un
carro en diez minutos al puesto de
periódicos.
If it interests you, a car will pick you up in ten
minutes at the newsstand.

RITA
Es que yo...
But I…

He has hung up.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In a tense courthouse restroom, Rita, distressed and with blood on her hands, receives a mysterious phone call from an unknown man. He questions her about her situation and offers her a chance to take control of her fate by sending a car in ten minutes. Confused and anxious, Rita tries to learn more about the caller but is left with unanswered questions as he abruptly hangs up, deepening her sense of fear and uncertainty.
Strengths
  • Building suspense
  • Creating mystery
  • Engaging dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Limited character interaction
  • Lack of visual elements

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively creates suspense and intrigue through the phone call interaction, keeping the audience engaged and curious about the mysterious caller.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the mysterious phone call in a public restroom adds an element of suspense and intrigue to the scene, setting up a compelling plot point.

Plot: 8.5

The plot of the scene is driven by the mysterious phone call, adding depth to the narrative and raising questions about the character's future actions.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh and unexpected situation of a mysterious caller contacting the protagonist in a public restroom, adding a unique twist to the typical phone call scene. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue enhances the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters in the scene, particularly Rita, are well-developed and their reactions to the phone call help to build tension and suspense.

Character Changes: 7

Rita experiences a shift in her emotions and mindset due to the mysterious phone call, setting up potential character development in future scenes.

Internal Goal: 8

Rita's internal goal is to understand the identity and intentions of the mysterious caller. This reflects her desire for control over her own fate and a sense of agency in her life.

External Goal: 7

Rita's external goal is to navigate the unexpected situation of being contacted by a stranger in a public restroom and being offered a mysterious opportunity. This reflects the immediate challenge she faces in the scene.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict in the scene is driven by the mysterious phone call and the tension it creates for the character, adding depth to the narrative.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create uncertainty and challenge the protagonist, adding to the suspense and intrigue.

High Stakes: 8

The high stakes are established through the mysterious phone call and the potential consequences for Rita, adding tension to the scene.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing a mysterious plot point with the phone call interaction, setting up future developments.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected phone call in a public restroom and the mysterious offer presented to the protagonist.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the idea of control and agency in one's life. The mysterious caller presents Rita with the opportunity to take control of her destiny, challenging her beliefs about fate and free will.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene has a strong emotional impact due to the suspense and tension created by the phone call interaction, keeping the audience engaged.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the tension and mystery of the phone call interaction, adding depth to the character interactions.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its suspenseful and mysterious nature, keeping the audience intrigued by the unfolding events.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged with the unfolding events.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected format for its genre, effectively conveying the setting and character interactions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear and engaging structure, building tension through the mysterious phone call and Rita's reactions.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes a sense of urgency and tension through the use of sound and visual imagery, particularly with the blood on Rita's hands and the chaotic bathroom noises. This immediately draws the audience into Rita's emotional state and the gravity of her situation.
  • The dialogue between Rita and the unknown caller is intriguing, creating a sense of mystery and suspense. However, the transition from her personal crisis (needing a tampon) to receiving a potentially life-altering call feels abrupt. This could be smoothed out to enhance the flow of the scene.
  • Rita's initial confusion and instinctive look around the restroom effectively convey her vulnerability and the unexpected nature of the call. However, the lack of a strong emotional reaction to the call's content could be explored further. How does she feel about the idea of being 'master of her fate'? This could add depth to her character.
  • The use of Spanish adds authenticity to the dialogue, but it may alienate non-Spanish speaking audiences. Consider incorporating more context or visual cues to ensure that the emotional weight of the conversation is conveyed even to those who may not understand the language.
  • The scene ends on a cliffhanger with the caller hanging up, which is effective for building suspense. However, it might benefit from a brief moment of reflection from Rita after the call, allowing the audience to see her processing the implications of what was just said.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief internal monologue or visual flashback that reflects Rita's emotional state before the call, providing context for her distress and enhancing audience empathy.
  • Explore Rita's reaction to the caller's offer more deeply. This could be done through her facial expressions or body language, showing her conflict between fear and the allure of control over her fate.
  • To improve the flow, consider integrating the tampon request more seamlessly into the scene. Perhaps the call could interrupt her thoughts about her personal crisis, making the transition feel more natural.
  • If the scene is meant to be accessible to a wider audience, consider adding subtitles or visual cues that convey the emotional stakes of the conversation, ensuring that the tension is felt regardless of language comprehension.
  • After the call ends, include a moment where Rita processes what just happened, perhaps looking at her bloodied hands again or glancing at herself in the mirror, reinforcing the gravity of her situation and the choice she faces.



Scene 8 - Echoes of Defiance
INT. COURTHOUSE - NIGHT

She is back in the corridor.

A WOMAN
Ahí ya está cerrado, hay que pasar
por la sala.
It’s closed that way. Go in through the courtroom.

She stumbles into a crew of cleaning ladies wearing pink smocks.
Rita follows them, singing, at first with her inner voice, as if
a thought were grazing her lips.

Start 1M1BIS TODO Y NADA

RITA
Después de todo
¿Cuánto cuánto tiempo más agacharé
la cabeza?
¿Cuánto cuánto tiempo más les
lameré las botas?
(MORE)
RITA (CONT’D)
¿Cuánto cuánto tiempo más les daré
mi talento?
¿Cuánto cuánto tiempo más chambearé
para nada?
After all
How long will I keep my head down?
How much longer will I kiss their asses?
How much longer will they go on exploiting my talent?
How much longer will I go on working for nothing?

CORO
¡¿Qué tienes que ganar?!
What have you got to gain?

RITA
¿Qué tengo que ganar?
What have I gotta gain?

CORO
¡¿Qué tienes que perder?!
What do you have to lose?

RITA
¿Qué tengo que perder?
Yo y mi doctorado
What have I got to lose?
Me and my PhD

CORO
XXX
Extra, extra, extra large

RITA
Yo y mi puto salario
Me and my fucking salary

CORO
XXX chiquito
Extra, extra, extra small

RITA
Yo y mi corazón de piedra
Me and my heart of stone

CORO
XXX duro
Extra, extra, extra hard

RITA
Yo y mis pompis mantecosas
Me and my fat ass

CORO
XXX
Extra, extra, extra

RITA
¿Cuánto cuánto tiempo más?

How much longer?

CORO
¡¿Qué tenemos que ganar?!
What do we have to gain?

RITA
¿Cuánto cuánto tiempo más?
How much longer?

CORO
¡¿Qué tenemos que perder?!
What have we got to lose?

RITA
Y la bola de mis dizque amigos
dice:
And all my so-called friends say:

CORO
“¿Cuándo te vas a casar?
¿a tener hijos?”
When are you going to get married?
Have children?

RITA
No tengo tiempo para hacerlos.
Y la bola de víboras me dice:
I've not got the time to have them
And the bunch of bitches say:

CORO
“¿Cuándo vas a abrir tu gabinete,
bonita?”
When are you going to open your business, honey?

RITA
¡Ya mero!
¡Cuando ya no sea prieta!
Who knows?
When I'm not black anymore!

RITA (CONT’D)
¿Por qué me llamó? ¿Por qué yo?
¿Por qué en el puesto de
periódicos?
(x 4)
Why did he call me? Why me?
Why meet at the newsstand? (x2)


CORO
¿Por qué? ¿Por qué? ¿Por qué en el
puesto de periódicos? (x 4)
Why? Why?
Why meet at the newsstand? (x2)


She walks across the room. There is a flag in the background.
The cleaning staff goes to work.
Genres: ["Drama","Legal","Social Commentary"]

Summary In a dimly lit courthouse corridor at night, Rita encounters a group of cleaning ladies and begins to sing a reflective inner monologue about her struggles with exploitation and societal expectations. As she expresses her frustrations, the cleaning staff joins her in a supportive chorus, amplifying her feelings of disillusionment regarding her career and personal life. The scene captures the weight of her circumstances and the unresolved conflict of her self-worth, leaving her questions lingering as she walks away.
Strengths
  • Powerful dialogue
  • Emotional depth
  • Social commentary
Weaknesses
  • Potential for confusion with the mix of inner monologue, dialogue, and crowd interaction

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively combines various elements to create a compelling and emotionally charged narrative that delves into societal issues, personal struggles, and legal advocacy. The use of dialogue, inner thoughts, and crowd interaction adds depth and complexity to the storytelling.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of blending personal struggle, social commentary, and legal advocacy in a single scene is innovative and engaging. The scene effectively explores themes of identity, justice, and societal expectations through the protagonist's inner thoughts and external interactions.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene is driven by the protagonist's inner conflict, external challenges, and the overarching theme of justice. The narrative unfolds in a compelling and emotionally resonant way, drawing the audience into the protagonist's journey.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh and authentic portrayal of societal pressures and internal struggles, with unique character interactions and dialogue.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters in the scene are well-developed and complex, with the protagonist, Rita, standing out as a passionate advocate struggling against societal expectations and personal challenges. The supporting characters add depth and context to the narrative.

Character Changes: 9

The protagonist, Rita, undergoes significant emotional and psychological changes throughout the scene, grappling with societal expectations, personal struggles, and the pursuit of justice. Her journey is compelling and transformative, adding depth to the narrative.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to question her worth, value, and identity in the face of societal expectations and pressures.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to navigate the challenges and expectations placed on her by society and her peers.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The scene is filled with internal and external conflicts, as the protagonist grapples with societal expectations, personal struggles, and the pursuit of justice. The tension and emotional stakes are high, driving the narrative forward.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, presenting societal norms and expectations as challenging obstacles for the protagonist to overcome.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in the scene, as the protagonist grapples with societal expectations, personal struggles, and the pursuit of justice. The emotional and thematic depth, combined with the tension and conflict, raise the stakes and drive the narrative forward.

Story Forward: 8

The scene effectively moves the story forward by delving into the protagonist's inner conflict, external challenges, and quest for justice. The narrative unfolds in a dynamic and engaging way, driving the plot and character development.

Unpredictability: 7

The scene is unpredictable in its emotional twists and turns, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the protagonist's journey.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the protagonist's struggle with societal norms and expectations versus her own desires and identity.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, drawing the audience into the protagonist's inner turmoil, external challenges, and quest for justice. The powerful performances, emotional dialogue, and thematic depth create a compelling and resonant experience.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue in the scene is powerful, emotional, and thought-provoking, capturing the inner turmoil and external challenges faced by the characters. The use of inner monologue, crowd interaction, and personal reflections adds depth and complexity to the storytelling.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its emotional depth, introspective dialogue, and relatable themes of societal pressures and identity.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotion, enhancing the impact of the protagonist's struggles and conflicts.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene aligns with the expected format for its genre, enhancing the readability and flow of the dialogue and actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format that effectively conveys the protagonist's internal and external conflicts.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures Rita's inner turmoil and frustration through her song, which serves as a powerful vehicle for her emotions. The use of a chorus adds a communal aspect, emphasizing the shared struggles of women in similar situations. However, the lyrics could benefit from more specificity to enhance the emotional impact. For instance, instead of general phrases like 'working for nothing,' consider incorporating personal anecdotes or vivid imagery that illustrate her struggles more concretely.
  • The transition from the previous scene to this one feels abrupt. Rita's emotional state after the phone call is significant, and it would be beneficial to include a brief moment of reflection or reaction before she begins singing. This would help ground the audience in her emotional journey and provide a clearer connection between the two scenes.
  • The dialogue in the song is repetitive, which can be effective for emphasis, but it risks losing the audience's engagement. Consider varying the phrasing or introducing new lines that build on the themes presented. This could create a more dynamic and engaging lyrical progression.
  • The chorus's responses are catchy but could be more thematically tied to Rita's specific grievances. Instead of generic questions, the chorus could echo her sentiments more directly, reinforcing her feelings of exploitation and societal pressure. This would create a stronger dialogue between Rita and the chorus, enhancing the overall impact of the scene.
  • The visual elements, such as the cleaning staff going to work and the flag in the background, are intriguing but could be more explicitly tied to the themes of the scene. For example, the flag could symbolize national pride or the weight of societal expectations, adding depth to the visual storytelling.
Suggestions
  • Introduce a brief moment of reflection for Rita after the phone call to establish her emotional state before she begins singing. This could be a line of internal dialogue or a physical gesture that conveys her distress.
  • Enhance the specificity of the lyrics by incorporating personal anecdotes or vivid imagery that illustrate Rita's struggles, making her frustrations more relatable and impactful.
  • Vary the phrasing in the song to maintain audience engagement and avoid repetitiveness. Introduce new lines that build on the themes presented, creating a more dynamic lyrical progression.
  • Make the chorus's responses more thematically tied to Rita's specific grievances, allowing for a stronger dialogue between her and the chorus that reinforces her feelings of exploitation and societal pressure.
  • Clarify the visual symbolism in the scene, such as the flag, to deepen the thematic resonance and connect it more explicitly to Rita's emotional journey and societal commentary.



Scene 9 - Abduction at the Newsstand
EXT. NEWSSTAND - NIGHT

The newsstand shines like a box of light in the night. It is
plastered with tabloid covers. An assassin’s face on one of them
has been pixelated.

She continues to sing, increasingly convinced.

RITA
No tengo nada que perder
I have nothing to lose

CORO
No tienes nada que perder
You have nothing to lose

RITA
Tengo todo que ganar
I have everything to gain

CORO
Tienes todo que ganar
You have everything to gain

RITA
No tengo nada que perder
I have nothing to lose

CORO
No tienes nada que perder
You have nothing to lose

RITA
Tengo todo que ganar
I have everything to gain

CORO
Tienes todo que ganar
You have everything to gain

RITA
Nada, nada, nada
Todo, todo, todo
Nada, nada, nada, todo
todo, nada, nada, todo
Nada, todo, nada, todo, nada,
Todo, nada, todo, nada
Nothing, nothing, nothing,
Everything, everything, everything,
Everything, nothing, nothing, everything
Nothing, everything, nothing, everything, nothing
Everything, nothing, everything, nothing


CORO
Nada, nada, nada
Todo, todo, todo
Nada, nada, nada,
Todo, todo
Nothing, nothing, nothing,
Everything, everything, everything,
Nothing, nothing, nothing,
Everything, everything

End 1M1bis TODO Y NADA

Start music 1M2 Instrumental

TATTOOED GUY (O.S.)
¡Señora!
Señora!

RITA
Sí.
Yes.

She swings around. An SUV appears out of nowhere. Through the
windshield, she can distinguish the pixelated face of the
driver: NB in the film, as in the press and documentaries,
sicarios’ faces will be pixelated.

Another “pixelated” sicario climbs out of the back seat.

TATTOED MAN
¿Señora Mora Castro?
Señora Mora Castro?

RITA
... sí.
...Yes.

He slips a hood over her head...

RITA (CONT’D)
¡Ah!
Oooh!

MAN
Tranquila.
Relax!

... and pushes her inside. The car drives away.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In a brightly lit newsstand at night, Rita confidently sings a repetitive song about having nothing to lose and everything to gain. Her moment of empowerment is abruptly shattered when a tattooed man approaches, confirms her identity, and forcibly abducts her by slipping a hood over her head and pushing her into an SUV, which drives away into the darkness.
Strengths
  • Effective blend of introspection and action
  • Strong emotional impact
  • Innovative use of chorus
Weaknesses
  • Minimal dialogue may limit character development

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively blends introspection with action, creating a compelling and suspenseful moment. The use of music and chanting enhances the emotional impact.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of blending introspection with external conflict is strong, creating a dynamic and engaging scene. The use of the chorus adds depth to Rita's character.

Plot: 8

The plot advances significantly with Rita's abduction, introducing a new layer of conflict and raising the stakes for the characters. The scene adds complexity to the narrative.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to a familiar situation of a character being abducted, adding cultural and linguistic elements to enhance authenticity. The dialogue and actions feel genuine and contribute to the scene's tension and intrigue.


Character Development

Characters: 8

Rita's character is developed through her inner monologue and the way she reacts to the abduction, showing resilience and determination. The abductors add a sense of danger.

Character Changes: 8

Rita undergoes a significant change as she transitions from introspection to facing a sudden threat, showing her resilience and determination. The abduction alters her trajectory.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to maintain composure and stay calm despite the sudden appearance of the tattooed man and the hood being placed over her head. This reflects her need to stay in control and handle unexpected situations with grace.

External Goal: 9

The protagonist's external goal is to survive the encounter with the tattooed man and the other sicario. She must navigate the dangerous situation and potentially find a way to escape.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict is high as Rita is unexpectedly abducted, adding a sense of danger and urgency to the scene. The emotional conflict within Rita also adds depth.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the sudden appearance of the tattooed man and the abduction of the protagonist creating a challenging and uncertain situation.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high as Rita is abducted, putting her in a dangerous situation and raising the tension in the scene. The outcome of the abduction will have significant consequences.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by introducing a new conflict and raising the stakes for the characters. Rita's abduction adds complexity to the narrative.

Unpredictability: 9

This scene is unpredictable because of the sudden appearance of the tattooed man and the abduction of the protagonist, creating a sense of danger and uncertainty.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the protagonist's sense of control and agency in the face of danger. The tattooed man's calm demeanor and the sudden appearance of the SUV challenge her beliefs about her ability to handle threatening situations.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a strong emotional impact, as Rita's inner turmoil and the sudden abduction create tension and suspense. The use of music and chanting enhances the emotional depth.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue is minimal but impactful, conveying Rita's emotions and the sudden threat she faces. The chanting adds a unique element to the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its blend of tension, mystery, and danger, keeping the audience on edge and invested in the protagonist's fate.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds suspense and leads to the climactic moment of the protagonist's abduction, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the outcome.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene aligns with the expected format for a suspenseful and mysterious genre, effectively conveying the visual and auditory elements of the abduction scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format that effectively builds tension and suspense, leading to the protagonist's abduction. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the scene's effectiveness in conveying the danger and unpredictability of the situation.


Critique
  • The scene effectively uses song as a narrative device to convey Rita's emotional state and her sense of empowerment. However, the repetitive nature of the lyrics could risk losing the audience's engagement. While repetition can be powerful, it may benefit from some variation or a shift in tone to maintain interest.
  • The transition from the song to the sudden appearance of the tattooed man is jarring. While this contrast can create tension, it might be more effective if there were subtle hints or foreshadowing leading up to the confrontation, allowing the audience to feel the shift in mood more organically.
  • The visual description of the newsstand as a 'box of light' is evocative, but it could be enhanced by incorporating more sensory details. For instance, describing the sounds of the night, the smell of the street food nearby, or the atmosphere around the newsstand could create a richer setting.
  • The dialogue between Rita and the chorus is straightforward but lacks depth. It would be beneficial to explore Rita's internal conflict more explicitly through her lyrics or her interactions with the chorus, giving the audience a clearer understanding of her motivations and fears.
  • The introduction of the tattooed man feels abrupt. Providing a brief moment of tension or hesitation from Rita before he approaches could heighten the suspense and make her eventual abduction more impactful.
Suggestions
  • Consider varying the lyrics of the song to introduce new ideas or emotions as the scene progresses, which can help maintain audience engagement.
  • Add subtle foreshadowing or visual cues that hint at the impending danger before the tattooed man appears, creating a more seamless transition.
  • Incorporate more sensory details in the setting description to enhance the atmosphere and immerse the audience in the scene.
  • Explore Rita's internal conflict through her lyrics or interactions with the chorus, allowing for a deeper emotional connection with the audience.
  • Introduce a moment of hesitation or internal struggle for Rita before the tattooed man approaches, building suspense and making her abduction feel more significant.



Scene 10 - Descent into Darkness
EXT. CHIHUAHUA DESERT - NIGHT

1M3 SUV Instrumental

Top shot: an SUV zooms through the desert. The headlights
project two beams onto the sand.


A trail of dust lingers behind. On the radio, the guttural
inflections of a cheesy narco-corrido song.


INT. SUV - NIGHT

The music continues. Rita is still hooded.

A sudden shock: The car hits a bump. Rita is brutally sent
flying to one side.

RITA
¡Ah!
Ah!

One of the men sits her up straight. Her hood slips enough to
leave a chink through which she sees: the silhouettes of the
men up front, the lights on the dashboard, the monotonous
landscape whipping by…


EXT. DESERT - NIGHT

... Then, suddenly, a ruined bridge with corpses hanging from
the railings.


EXT. DESERT - NIGHT

The SUV dims its lights and drives in the night.

On closer look, what first looked like specks of light and
clouds of dust becomes a convoy of thirty trucks in the
desert. Pickup trucks equipped with machine guns, trailers,
armored SUVs, etc.

The SUV drives alongside the convoy that slows down to stop.

End 1M3


EXT. DESERT - NIGHT

The convoy is now stopped with the engine still on.


Still hooded, Rita is escorted by the two sicarios.

On the platforms of the pickups, there are armed and
sometimes masked men, covered with dust.



In the back of a pickup there are also wounded men who are
being bandaged or given local painkillers.


We hear a noise from the sky. It's a drone that a sicario
picks up.


Rita’s POV: men’s feet, guns, voices.

SICARIO (OFF)
Dile al patrón que están a 30 km,
que tenemos que ir.
Tell the boss they are 30 kilometers away, we have to go.

… An animal presence. Suddenly a dog burrows its nose in her
crotch...
Genres: ["Thriller","Drama"]

Summary In the desolate Chihuahua Desert at night, Rita, hooded and terrified, is transported in a speeding SUV by menacing sicarios. The vehicle jolts over bumps as she glimpses the grim landscape, including a ruined bridge with corpses. The convoy of armed trucks halts, revealing a tense atmosphere filled with wounded individuals and armed men. A sicario discusses their proximity to their boss, heightening the urgency of their mission. The scene culminates in a chilling moment as a dog approaches Rita, amplifying her sense of vulnerability and fear.
Strengths
  • Building tension effectively
  • Creating a sense of danger and urgency
  • Engaging the audience with high-stakes conflict
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development in the scene
  • Minimal dialogue

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively creates a sense of fear and suspense through its dark and menacing tone, keeping the audience on edge with the unknown outcome of Rita's abduction.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of Rita being abducted in the desert adds a layer of mystery and danger to the storyline, setting up future conflicts and developments.

Plot: 8.5

The plot progresses significantly with Rita's abduction, introducing new conflicts and raising the stakes for the characters involved.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces unique elements such as the narco-corrido music, the convoy of armed trucks, and the presence of a drone, adding fresh and original details to the familiar setting of a desert.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters react realistically to the high-stress situation, showcasing their vulnerabilities and strengths in the face of danger.

Character Changes: 7

Rita undergoes a significant change as she transitions from a state of distress to a survival mode, adapting to the dangerous situation she finds herself in.

Internal Goal: 8

Rita's internal goal in this scene is likely survival and escape. The sudden shock of the car hitting a bump and her subsequent disorientation reflect her immediate need to navigate the dangerous situation she finds herself in.

External Goal: 7

Rita's external goal is to navigate the dangerous situation she finds herself in and potentially find a way to escape from her captors.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The level of conflict is high in the scene, with Rita's abduction creating a life-threatening situation for the characters involved.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Rita facing multiple obstacles and threats that challenge her survival and ability to escape from her captors.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are extremely high in the scene, with Rita's life in danger and the characters facing a life-threatening situation in the desert.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward by introducing a new conflict and raising the stakes for the characters, setting the stage for future developments.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the sudden twists and turns, such as the car hitting a bump and the appearance of the convoy of armed trucks, keeping the audience on edge and unsure of what will happen next.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the clash between survival instincts and moral values. Rita must navigate a dangerous and violent environment while also grappling with her own beliefs and values.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes fear and tension in the audience, creating an emotional connection to the characters' plight.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue is minimal but impactful, conveying the urgency and tension of the scene effectively.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its high stakes, tense atmosphere, and the sense of danger faced by the characters. The reader is drawn into the suspenseful situation and invested in Rita's fate.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene effectively builds suspense and tension, with well-timed moments of action and revelation that keep the reader engaged and invested in the outcome.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings and descriptions that enhance the visual storytelling.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format that effectively builds tension and suspense, leading to a climactic moment with the convoy of trucks.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes a tense atmosphere through the use of visual imagery and sound, particularly with the narco-corrido music and the stark desert setting. However, the transition from the previous scene to this one could be smoother. The abrupt shift from the newsstand to the desert may leave readers disoriented. Consider adding a brief moment of reflection or a visual cue that connects Rita's abduction to her current predicament.
  • Rita's physical discomfort and vulnerability are well portrayed through her reactions to the bumps in the SUV and the hood obscuring her vision. However, her internal thoughts or feelings could be more explicitly conveyed to deepen the audience's connection to her plight. Adding a brief internal monologue or sensory details about her fear and confusion could enhance the emotional weight of the scene.
  • The introduction of the convoy and the men in the desert is visually striking, but the scene could benefit from more character development. The sicarios are presented as menacing figures, yet they lack distinct personalities or motivations. Consider giving them brief dialogue or actions that reveal their characters, which would heighten the tension and make the situation feel more immediate.
  • The use of the dog as a sudden presence adds an unexpected element, but it feels somewhat disconnected from the overall tone of the scene. It could be more effective if the dog's appearance served a specific narrative purpose, such as heightening Rita's fear or foreshadowing a future event. Clarifying the dog's role could strengthen the scene's cohesion.
  • The dialogue from the sicario is functional but lacks emotional depth. While it conveys necessary information, it could be more impactful if it included a hint of the stakes involved or the urgency of their situation. This would not only enhance the tension but also provide insight into the characters' motivations.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a transitional moment that connects the end of the previous scene to the beginning of this one, such as a brief flashback or a visual cue that highlights Rita's emotional state as she is abducted.
  • Incorporate Rita's internal thoughts or sensory experiences to provide a deeper emotional connection to her character. This could include her fears, memories, or reflections on her situation as she is transported in the SUV.
  • Develop the sicarios' characters through dialogue or actions that reveal their personalities or motivations. This could involve a brief exchange that hints at their backgrounds or the stakes of their mission, making them more than just faceless antagonists.
  • Clarify the dog's role in the scene to ensure it serves a narrative purpose. Consider using the dog's presence to heighten Rita's fear or to foreshadow an upcoming event, creating a more cohesive atmosphere.
  • Enhance the dialogue from the sicario to include emotional stakes or urgency. This could involve expressing concern for Rita, discussing the consequences of their actions, or revealing their motivations, which would add depth to the scene.



Scene 11 - A Night of Transformation
EXT/INT. MANITAS’ TRAILER - NIGHT

... a few metal steps… knocks on a door... the door
opening...

SICARIO 2 (OFF)
Rosario los vió, están a 30
kilómetros. Nos tenemos que largar.
Rosario saw them, they are 30 kilometers away. We gotta
get out of here.

No comment, just the atmosphere has changed. She is sat down
and secured with a seat belt. Sound of door being closed.

After a while.

RITA
¿Hay alguién ahí?
Is someone there?

MANITAS (OFF)
¿Tiene miedo?
Are you afraid?

RITA
¿Debería?
Should I be?

MANITAS (OFF)
No.
No.

Start 1M4 EL ENCUENTRO


MANITAS (OFF) (CONT’D)
¿Sabe quién soy?
Do you know who I am?

RITA
Creo que sí.
I think so.

MANITAS (OFF)
Dígame.
Tell me.

RITA
Usted es Manitas Del Monte.
You are Manitas Del Monte.

MANITAS (OFF)
¿Y qué sabe de mi situación abogada
Mora Castro?
Counselor Mora Castro, and what do you know of my
situation?

She hesitates.

RITA
Al parecer el cártel Del Monte
tiene algunos problemas
actualmente. La prensa dice que sus
fuentes de abastecimiento se
encuentran en manos del Cártel de
Los Tiburones y que las elecciones
pasadas no favorecieron a los
políticos que lo respaldan. Quienes
todavía no lo han abandonado lo
harán muy pronto.
It seems the Del Monte cartel is having some problems at
the moment. According to the papers, the Los Tiburones
cartel has taken over your supply chain, and the last
elections didn’t favor the politicians who support you.
The ones who haven’t dumped you yet, will dump you soon
enough.


A hand rips off her hood. JUAN MANITAS DEL MONTE sits in the
dark on the other side of a desk. He tosses aside the hood
and sits back down.

They are in an armored trailer with three rows of seats to
either side of a table littered with cell phones. The light
comes from ceiling spots and reading lights. Above Rita, a
CCTV screen showing: interiors of truck cabs, the road behind
and ahead.

Manitas speaks softly, as if fatigued or disgusted.


MANITAS
No... No puedo seguir
escondiéndome, cambiando de casa,
de departamento, como se cambia de
camisa … La jubilación no existe
para la gente como yo.
No... I can't go on hiding, changing houses, flats, the
same way I would change a shirt... Peace does not exist
for people like me.

RITA
¿En qué le puedo ayudar?
How may I help you?

MANITAS
Contestar esta pregunta supondría
que ya aceptó la misión y el
secreto que conlleva. Si te digo de
qué se trata, ya no hay vuelta
atrás. Oírlo es aceptarlo.
Debes saber también que si te digo de qué
se trata y entonces aceptas, considerables
sumas de dinero se transferirán en Suiza,
las Caimán, de las que sólo tú y yo
conoceremos la existencia. Cifras y
códigos, cuentas y millones. Sólo tú y yo..
To answer that question would mean that you have already
accepted the mission and the secrecy that goes with
it. If I tell you what it is about, there is no turning
back. To hear it is to accept it. You must also know that
if I tell you what it is about and then you accept,
considerable sums of money will be transferred in
Switzerland, the Caymans, of which only you and I will
know the existence. Figures and codes, accounts and
millions. Only you and I...

RITA
Ok, dígame ¿qué quiere de mí?
Ok, tell me, what do you want from me?

MANITAS
¿Estás segura?
Are you sure?

RITA
Sí.
Yes.

END 1M4 EL ENCUENTRO

He slides a sheet of paper over to Rita. She hesitates before
looking at it. Manitas insists with a nod. Rita looks at the
sheet: numbers with lots of zeros.

A beat.

RITA (CONT’D)
¿A qué me arriesgo?

What do I risk?

MANITAS
A volverse rica.
Becoming rich.

Suddenly Rita feels as if the lights have dimmed and the sound
has become muffled. The white glow of the paper with numbers on
it.

Rita catches her breath.

RITA
(suspirando) …está bien.
(in a breath) All right.

MANITAS
No oí.
I didn’t hear.

RITA
Está bien.
All right.

MANITAS
¿Qué está bien?
All right, what?

She swallows and points to the sheet of numbers.

Manitas takes his time.

MANITAS (CONT’D)
¿Segura, señora Mora Castro?
Are you sure, Señora Mora Castro?

Rita nods.

RITA
¿Qué quiere que haga?
Tell me what you expect of me.

MANITAS
Quiero ser una mujer
I want to become a woman.

RITA
No entiendo.
I don’t understand.

MANITAS
¿Qué no entiende?
Don’t understand what?


RITA
(en voz baja, como en secreto)
…quiere decir: ¿físicamente mujer?
(softly, like a secret) You mean a woman… physically?

MANITAS
Sí.
Yes.

RITA
¿Quiere volverse mujer físicamente?
You want to physically become a woman?

MANITAS
Sí.
Yes.

RITA
No entiendo. ¿Quiere cambiar de
vida o cambiar de sexo?
I don’t understand, do you want a new life or a new
gender?

MANITAS
¿Cuál es la diferencia?
Is there a difference?

RITA
Pues… es qu… (intentando sonreír)
¡soy abogada, señor Del Monte, no
cirujana!
But… uh… (trying to smile) I’m a lawyer, Mr. Del Monte,
not a surgeon!

MANITAS
Para eso acabo de contratarla, para
conseguir a uno bueno.
You’ve just been hired to find a good one.

RITA
Pero… mmm… pues… eso no se hace así
nada más, ¡puede tomar años!
But... mmm... well... it doesn't simply happen that way,
it can take years!

MANITAS
Ya empecé el tratamiento, hace dos
años.
I started treatment two years ago.

Manitas takes her hand and slips it under his shirt.

He rips open his jacket and shows her his developing breasts.


MANITAS (CONT’D)
¿Qué te pasa? ¿Te quieres echar
pa’ atrás? Ya no se puede, ni tú,
ni yo podemos salir de esto.
What’s the matter? You looking for a way out? There’s no
way out. Not for you, not for me.

She stares at him, flabbergasted.
Genres: ["Crime","Thriller","Drama"]

Summary In a dimly lit trailer, lawyer Rita confronts cartel leader Juan Manitas Del Monte, who reveals his desire for gender transition. Initially shocked, Rita grapples with the moral implications of assisting him, but ultimately agrees after considering the financial benefits. The tense atmosphere shifts as Manitas shows vulnerability, challenging Rita's perceptions and leading to a complex negotiation of identity. The scene culminates in Rita's disbelief as she witnesses Manitas's developing breasts, underscoring the gravity of their conversation.
Strengths
  • Intense dialogue
  • High stakes
  • Character development
  • Tension-building
  • Emotional impact
Weaknesses
  • Complexity of the request may require further clarification for audience understanding

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene is highly engaging and intense, with a strong focus on character development and plot progression. The dialogue is gripping, and the unexpected request adds a layer of complexity to the story.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of a criminal seeking a lawyer's help for a unique request is intriguing and adds depth to the narrative. The idea of transformation and the moral dilemma faced by the character are compelling elements of the scene.

Plot: 9

The plot is advanced significantly in this scene, as the unexpected request sets off a chain of events that will likely have far-reaching consequences for the characters involved. The scene effectively raises the stakes and adds complexity to the story.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh and original take on themes of identity, gender, and morality. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and unpredictable, adding depth to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed, with Juan Manitas Del Monte portrayed as a complex and enigmatic figure, while Rita Mora Castro is faced with a challenging moral decision that will test her beliefs and values. The interaction between the characters drives the scene forward.

Character Changes: 9

Both characters undergo significant changes in this scene, with Rita being forced to confront her beliefs and values, while Juan Manitas Del Monte reveals a vulnerable side that challenges perceptions of him. The interaction between the characters leads to personal growth and transformation.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to navigate the dangerous situation she finds herself in and make decisions that align with her moral compass.

External Goal: 7.5

The protagonist's external goal is to assist Juan Manitas Del Monte in his quest to physically become a woman, despite her initial confusion and reluctance.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9.5

The level of conflict in the scene is high, as Rita is faced with a dangerous proposition that challenges her moral compass and puts her in a precarious situation. The power dynamics between the characters create tension and suspense.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing difficult moral choices and conflicting motivations. The audience is left unsure of how the situation will resolve.

High Stakes: 10

The stakes are extremely high in this scene, as Rita is faced with a dangerous proposition that could have life-changing consequences. The risk involved in the request from Juan Manitas Del Monte adds tension and suspense to the scene.

Story Forward: 10

The scene moves the story forward significantly, introducing a new conflict and raising the stakes for the characters. The unexpected request from Juan Manitas Del Monte sets off a chain of events that will drive the narrative towards a climactic resolution.

Unpredictability: 8.5

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected plot developments, morally ambiguous characters, and complex philosophical conflicts. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how the situation will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the idea of identity, gender, and morality. It challenges the protagonist's beliefs and values as she grapples with the ethical implications of the task she is asked to undertake.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9.2

The scene has a strong emotional impact, eliciting feelings of fear, confusion, and determination in the characters and the audience. The unexpected turn of events and the moral dilemma faced by Rita add depth and intensity to the scene.

Dialogue: 9.2

The dialogue is sharp, tense, and impactful, effectively conveying the emotions and motivations of the characters. The exchange between Juan Manitas Del Monte and Rita Mora Castro is filled with tension and subtext, adding depth to their relationship.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its tense atmosphere, morally complex characters, and unexpected plot twists. The audience is drawn into the characters' dilemmas and motivations.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the characters' dilemmas and decisions.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, effectively conveying the setting, characters, and dialogue.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format that effectively builds tension and suspense. The dialogue and actions flow naturally, contributing to the overall atmosphere of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes a tense atmosphere, with Rita's vulnerability juxtaposed against Manitas' power. The dialogue is engaging and reveals character motivations, particularly Manitas' desire for transformation and Rita's initial confusion. However, the pacing could be improved; some exchanges feel drawn out, which may detract from the urgency of the situation.
  • The use of Spanish adds authenticity to the characters and setting, but it may alienate non-Spanish-speaking audiences. Consider incorporating more context or translations to ensure all viewers can follow the dialogue without losing the emotional weight.
  • Manitas' character is intriguing, but his motivations could be more clearly defined. While the desire for gender transition is a compelling angle, the scene could benefit from deeper exploration of his backstory and the implications of his request on Rita's life and career. This would enhance the stakes and emotional resonance of the scene.
  • Rita's reactions to Manitas' request are initially understated. Given the gravity of the situation, her emotional response could be more pronounced to convey the shock and complexity of her feelings. This would help the audience connect more deeply with her character.
  • The visual elements, such as the armored trailer and the CCTV screens, create a strong sense of confinement and surveillance. However, the description could be more vivid to enhance the atmosphere. For instance, detailing the sounds of the trailer or the oppressive lighting could amplify the tension.
  • The transition from Rita's initial fear to her acceptance of the situation feels abrupt. More gradual development of her internal conflict would make her eventual agreement to help Manitas more believable and impactful.
Suggestions
  • Consider tightening the dialogue to maintain a brisker pace, especially in the exchanges between Rita and Manitas. This will help sustain tension and keep the audience engaged.
  • Incorporate brief translations or contextual clues for non-Spanish speakers to ensure the emotional weight of the dialogue is accessible to all viewers.
  • Expand on Manitas' backstory and the implications of his request to provide greater depth to his character and the stakes involved. This could involve a brief flashback or a more detailed explanation of his past.
  • Enhance Rita's emotional response to Manitas' request by showing her internal struggle more vividly. This could involve her reflecting on her own identity or the moral implications of helping a cartel leader.
  • Add more sensory details to the setting, such as the sounds and smells of the trailer, to create a more immersive experience for the audience.
  • Develop a more gradual transition in Rita's acceptance of the mission, perhaps by showing her weighing the risks and benefits more explicitly before agreeing to help Manitas.



Scene 12 - Balancing Act
INT. BERLINGER’S OFFICES - NIGHT

Rita sits behind a pile of files in Berlinger’s offices. Her
glass cubicle is in the back of the landscaped space. She seems
to be at work like everyone else.

MANITAS (O.S.)
Habrá que buscar un lugar seguro
para el “reseteo”, lejos de aquí,
ni en este país, ni en Estados
Unidos… un lugar donde sea
imposible encontrarme. Búscame
alguien difícil de rastrear,
alguien competente, intachable… El
que te precedió me hizo perder el
tiempo… Señora Mora Castro, cuentas
con todos mis recursos, y a escala
humana, son ilimitados.
For the "reset" we’ll need a safe place, far from here,
not in this country. And not in the US… A place where no
one could ever find me. Look for someone untraceable,
someone of the highest moral fiber and surgical prowess…
The person before you, made me waste my time…
Mrs. Mora Castro, you have all my resources, and on a
human scale, they are unlimited.

She slides her hand in her bag and pulls out a matte black
credit card. The card reads: INFINITE.

In CU on her computer screen: images of vaginoplasties,
mammoplasties, facial plastic surgery, etc…

While glancing at the screen and typing, Rita answers the
phone:

RITA
¿Bueno? no... sí, no... mamá, tengo
que colgar... sí, no... me están
llamando, voy a colgar mamá... voy
a colgar...
Hello? No... yeah, no... mom, I have to go... yeah... I
have another call, I'm hanging up, mom... I'm hanging
up...

She hangs up.


Then videos in which smiling Asian surgeons vaunt the quality of
their technique in English. Rita jots down a few addresses.

…/…

Rita is now on the phone, speaking softly so that no one else
will hear.

TRAVEL AGENT (O.S.)
(Un poco irritada)
México/Bangkok... Luego podemos
tomar Bangkok/Bombay, Bombay/Rio...
Bueno, para el primero, tengo un
México/Heneda... 4 horas de
conexión, luego Heneda/Bangkok...
(A bit cranky) Mexico/Bangkok... Then we can take
Bangkok/Bombay, Bombay/Rio... Well, for the 1st, I have a
Mexico/Heneda... 4 hours of connection, then
Heneda/Bangkok...

RITA
(En voz baja) ¿Cuánto tiempo es en
total?
(softly) How long all together?

TRAVEL AGENT(O.S.)
26 horas.
26 hours.

RITA
Tengo que estar de vuelta el
próximo jueves antes de las 9,
tengo una audiencia.
I have to be in court by 9 o’clock next
Thursday morning.

TRAVEL AGENT (O.S.)
No llegará a tiempo.
You will not make it in time.

RITA
Entonces encuéntreme otra cosa.
So find me something else.

TRAVEL AGENT (O.S.)
¿Cómo qué? ¿Un cohete?
Like what, a rocket?

RITA
¿Y en otra clase?
What about in another class?

TRAVEL AGENT (O.S.)
¿En business? Es mucho, mucho más
caro, ya lo sabe. ¿Paga su empresa?
Well, Business… but it’s much more expensive. Is your
company paying?


RITA
¿Y más arriba?
How about above?

TRAVEL AGENT (O.S.)
¿Arriba de qué?
Above what?

RITA
De la business.
Above Business.

Silence on the other end of the line…

TRAVEL AGENT (O.S.)
(Suspirando) Espere… ¿quiere…
quiere uno en primera clase?
(softly) Wait, do you mean First Class?

RITA
Sí.
Yes.

TRAVEL AGENT (O.S.)
Eso ya está muy afuera de nuestro
acuerdo tarifario… ¿Cómo pagará?
That's way beyond our rate agreement... How will you pay?

RITA
Con tarjeta…
By credit card.

TRAVEL AGENT (O.S.)
¿Qué tipo de tarjeta?
What kind of card?

Rita takes the Infinity card from her bag.

SECRETARY (O.S)
¿Rita estás ahí?
Rita, are you there?

Surprised, Rita drops the card.

RITA
Eh, sí, sí…
Uh, yes, yes...

SECRETARY (O.S.)
El patrón está con el cliente, ¡te
están esperando!
Rita, the boss is with the client. They’re waiting for
you!

RITA
¡Ahí voy, ahí voy!…
I’m coming.


The Infinity card lies on the floor. She picks it up.


28/29/30 OUT


EXT. SUVARNABHUMI AIRPORT - NIGHT

Suvarnabhumi Airport: A Bangkok Airways flight makes a night
landing.

Title card:

BANGKOK
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In a tense night scene at Berlinger's offices, Rita juggles multiple responsibilities as she navigates a high-stakes situation involving a secretive trip to Bangkok. While on a call with Manitas discussing the need for discretion, she also manages a frustrating conversation with her mother and insists on a first-class ticket from a travel agent. The urgency of her tasks is interrupted by a secretary reminding her that her boss is waiting, culminating in Rita dropping her matte black 'Infinite' credit card, symbolizing her access to resources amidst the chaos.
Strengths
  • Tension-building
  • Intriguing dialogue
  • Character development
Weaknesses
  • Potential confusion with multiple plot threads

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene is well-structured, with a mix of tension, mystery, and intrigue. The dialogue and character interactions keep the audience engaged, and the introduction of high stakes adds depth to the plot.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of Rita being drawn into a dangerous situation while navigating complex relationships and high-stakes decisions is compelling. The scene sets up intriguing possibilities for future developments.

Plot: 8.5

The plot advances significantly in this scene, introducing new challenges and conflicts for Rita. The revelation of Manitas Del Monte's request adds depth to the story and raises the stakes for the characters.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces fresh elements like the Infinity card and international travel arrangements, adding authenticity to the characters' actions and dialogue.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters, especially Rita and Manitas Del Monte, are well-developed and their interactions reveal layers of complexity. Rita's internal conflict and Manitas' surprising request add depth to their personalities.

Character Changes: 8

Rita undergoes significant internal changes in this scene, as she is confronted with unexpected challenges and forced to make difficult decisions. Her interactions with Manitas Del Monte reveal new facets of her character.

Internal Goal: 8

Rita's internal goal is to maintain control and composure in a high-pressure situation, balancing personal obligations with professional responsibilities.

External Goal: 7.5

Rita's external goal is to arrange a safe and untraceable 'reset' for a client, showcasing her competence and resourcefulness.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict in the scene is high, with Rita facing a dangerous situation and having to make difficult choices. The tension between characters and the uncertainty of the outcome create a sense of urgency.

Opposition: 7.5

The opposition in the scene adds complexity and uncertainty to Rita's decision-making process, creating obstacles for her to overcome.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes in the scene are high, with Rita facing dangerous situations and having to make life-changing decisions. The consequences of her actions could have far-reaching effects on her life and the lives of others.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward significantly, introducing new plot elements and raising the stakes for the characters. Rita's involvement with Manitas Del Monte sets the stage for future developments.

Unpredictability: 8

The scene is unpredictable in Rita's decision-making process and the unexpected turn of events, keeping the audience on edge.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict revolves around the ethical implications of Rita's work in facilitating secretive and potentially illegal activities, challenging her moral compass and values.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from anxiety to determination, as Rita navigates a precarious situation. The high stakes and conflicting motivations of the characters add depth to the emotional impact.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is engaging and reveals important information about the characters and their motivations. The conversations between Rita and the travel agent, as well as with Manitas Del Monte, drive the scene forward.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its suspenseful dialogue, high-stakes decisions, and the protagonist's complex motivations.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing effectively builds tension and suspense, maintaining the audience's interest and driving the scene's effectiveness.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to industry standards, enhancing readability and clarity for the reader.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format that effectively builds tension and advances the plot, fitting the genre's expectations.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes Rita's dual life as a lawyer and her involvement in a morally complex situation with Manitas. However, the dialogue can feel a bit expository, particularly in Manitas's speech. It might benefit from a more natural flow that reveals his character and intentions without sounding overly formal or scripted.
  • Rita's multitasking between her phone calls and her work creates a sense of urgency, but the transitions between her conversations could be smoother. The abrupt shifts from one call to another can be jarring and may confuse the audience. Consider using visual cues or sound design to indicate the transitions more clearly.
  • The use of the matte black 'Infinite' credit card is a strong visual element that symbolizes Rita's access to resources and her moral ambiguity. However, the significance of this card could be emphasized further. Perhaps a brief moment where Rita reflects on the implications of using such a card could deepen the audience's understanding of her character's conflict.
  • The travel agent's dialogue, while providing necessary information, comes off as somewhat clichéd and could be more engaging. Consider giving the travel agent a distinct personality or quirks that make their interaction with Rita more memorable.
  • The scene ends with a sense of urgency as Rita is called away, but it could be more impactful if it tied back to the larger themes of the screenplay. A line or moment that reflects her internal struggle or foreshadows the consequences of her actions would enhance the emotional weight of the scene.
Suggestions
  • Revise Manitas's dialogue to make it feel more organic and less like exposition. Consider using subtext to convey his intentions and character traits.
  • Smooth out the transitions between Rita's phone calls by incorporating visual or auditory cues that signal the change in conversation, making it easier for the audience to follow.
  • Add a moment of introspection for Rita regarding the 'Infinite' card, allowing her to reflect on the moral implications of her choices and how they affect her identity.
  • Give the travel agent a unique personality trait or mannerism to make their interaction with Rita more engaging and memorable.
  • Incorporate a line or moment at the end of the scene that ties back to Rita's internal conflict or foreshadows future events, enhancing the emotional resonance of the scene.



Scene 13 - Transformation and Threat
EXT/INT. CLINICS

Start music 1M8 VAGINOPLASTY Duo Rita / various surgeons.

Everything is white.

A bright white carpet leads from the jetliner to a clinic where
the Asian surgeon and his staff - earlier seen on Rita’s
computer - greet Rita with perfectly synchronized bows.

Rita and the DOCTOR are followed by his staff.

RITA
Hello, very nice to meet you.
I’d like to know about sex change
operations.

DOCTOR
I see, I see, I see. Man to Woman or Woman
to Man?

RITA
Man to Woman.

DOCTOR
From penis to vagina. Is it for you?

RITA
For me? No, thank you.

DOCTOR
What do you want to know, Madam?

RITA
Everything. Everything. What is the
protocol, the technique, the risks. How
many operations, how much time do you need?


…/…

As the list goes on, CLOSE UP: the operations concerned. Red or
dotted lines mark faces, torsos, posteriors, etc.

DOCTOR
Mammoplasty?

RITA
Yes.

DOCTOR
Vaginoplasty?

RITA
Yes.

DOCTOR
Rhinoplasty?

RITA
Yes.

DOCTOR
Laryngoplasty?

RITA
Yes.

DOCTOR
Mammoplasty?

RITA
Yes.

DOCTOR
Vaginoplasty?

RITA
Yes.

DOCTOR
Rhinoplasty?

RITA
Yes.

DOCTOR
Laryngoplasty?

RITA
Yes.


DOCTOR
Chondrolaryngoplasty?

She stops.

RITA
What is that?

DOCTOR
Adam’s apple reduction.

Now other patients, surgeons, and staff members follow Rita, the
surgeon and his staff…

We realize that what is going on behind them is the same thing
that is going on before them.

RITA
YES! YES! YES! YES!

Rita in passing looks at the butt of a marvelously endowed girl.

RITA (CONT’D)
(speaking) And for my butt, just my
butt, about how much?

The list is repeated four times: Mammoplasty, Vaginoplasty,
Rhinoplasty, Laryngoplasty along with Rita’s - YES.

The light dims, replaced by surgical lights over operating
tables: liposuction, botox, lifting…

A different colored rug rolls out… an Indian surgeon and his
staff greet Rita. We are in another country.

DOCTOR
Mammoplasty?
Vaginoplasty?
Rhinoplasty?
Laryngoplasty?
Plasty!

RITA
Yes!

CHORUS
Man to woman, woman to man
Man to woman, woman to man
Man to woman, woman to man
Man to woman, woman to man
Vaginoplasty makes machos happy
Penoplasty, chicas too
Vaginoplasty drives chicas crazy
Penoplasty machos too
(MORE)
CHORUS (CONT’D)
Penoplasty
Vaginoplasty chicas too
Vaginoplasty
Penoplasty drives chicas crazy
Penoplasty
Vaginoplasty machos too
Vaginoplasty
Vaginoplasty makes los machos happy
Vaginoplasty
Penoplasty, chicas too
Penoplasty
Vaginoplasty, drives chicas crazy
Vaginoplasty
Penoplasty, machos too
Penoplasty
Vaginoplasty makes machos happy
Penoplasty chicas too
Vaginoplasty drives chicas crazy
Penoplasty machos too
Penoplasty makes machos happy
Vaginoplay drives chicas crazy
Vaginoplasty machos too
Vaginoplasty makes machos happy
Penoplasty chicas too

Rita makes her way against the flow of stretchers on which
operations take place.

Patients Face-Time their new faces and bodies.

A new human race marches behind Rita: people in their sixties,
women, men, entirely remade, smiling with big white teeth that
look like kitchen sinks.

RITA AND CHORUS
Men to women, women to men
Men to women, women to men
Men to women, women to men
Men to women, women to men

Her cohorts disappear. Rita is alone, contented and exhausted.

A plastic sheet billows in a draft behind her.

Suddenly a plastic bag is pulled over her head. Hands grab her
neck. A man whose face is pixelated sticks a phone in her face.

MAN
¡Oye bien, pendeja!
Listen, bitch!

We hear Manitas’ distorted voice on the loudspeaker:


MANITAS (O.S.)
¿Cómo va ese asunto Mora Castro?
¿Crees que te pago pa’ que te
gastes mi lana? ¿Pa’ que le hagas a
la mamada en primera clase?
¿Quieres que te cuente lo que le
pasó al que hacía tu chamba?
¡Apúrate chingada madre, que se me
acaba el tiempo!
How's it going, Mora Castro? You think I pay you to spend
my money? You think I pay you to show off in First Class?
You want me to tell you what happened to the guy who did
your job? Hurry the fuck up, I'm running out of time!

The hands loosen their grip. She drops to the floor.
Suffocating. The lights slowly go out.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary Rita arrives at a clinic in Bangkok, eager to learn about man-to-woman sex change surgeries. She engages enthusiastically with an Asian surgeon, asking detailed questions about various procedures. The scene shifts to another clinic where an Indian surgeon and patients sing about the surgeries. However, the atmosphere turns dark when Rita is suddenly attacked by a man who threatens her regarding a conflict with someone named Manitas. The scene concludes with Rita on the floor, suffocating, as the lights go out, marking a stark transition from hope to danger.
Strengths
  • Tense atmosphere
  • Complex characters
  • Innovative concept
  • Emotional impact
Weaknesses
  • Graphic content
  • Disturbing themes

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene is well-crafted with a strong focus on tension, surrealism, and emotional impact. It effectively conveys the dark themes and complex character dynamics, keeping the audience engaged throughout.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of exploring plastic surgery, gender transition, and cartel involvement in a dramatic and surreal context is innovative and thought-provoking. It adds depth to the characters and themes, creating a unique and engaging storyline.

Plot: 8

The plot is intricate and engaging, weaving together themes of identity, power, and control in a high-stakes situation. It moves the story forward while revealing new layers to the characters and their motivations.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on cosmetic surgery and gender reassignment, exploring the emotional and psychological aspects of physical transformation. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and thought-provoking.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters are well-developed and complex, facing internal and external conflicts that drive the narrative forward. Their interactions and decisions add depth to the scene, highlighting their struggles and motivations.

Character Changes: 8

The characters undergo significant changes in the scene, facing new challenges and revelations that impact their motivations and actions. These changes drive the narrative forward and add depth to the character arcs.

Internal Goal: 8

Rita's internal goal is to gather information about sex change operations, reflecting her curiosity and desire for knowledge about the procedures.

External Goal: 7.5

Rita's external goal is to inquire about the specific surgeries and procedures offered at the clinic, reflecting her immediate need for information and decision-making.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The level of conflict in the scene is high, with characters facing internal and external challenges that drive the tension and suspense. The stakes are raised, creating a sense of urgency and danger.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the sudden threat to Rita's safety adding a sense of danger and urgency to the narrative.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes in the scene are high, with characters facing life-threatening situations, moral dilemmas, and personal challenges that have far-reaching consequences. The danger and tension are palpable, adding urgency to the narrative.

Story Forward: 9

The scene effectively moves the story forward, revealing new information, raising the stakes, and deepening the character dynamics. It sets the stage for future developments while keeping the audience engaged.

Unpredictability: 8.5

This scene is unpredictable due to its surreal and dream-like quality, as well as the unexpected turn of events towards the end that adds tension and suspense.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the ethical implications of cosmetic surgery and gender reassignment. It challenges societal norms and beliefs about beauty standards and gender identity.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a strong emotional impact, evoking fear, shock, and desperation in the audience. The characters' struggles and the dark themes resonate on an emotional level, drawing the audience into the story.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is tense, impactful, and reflective of the characters' emotions and motivations. It adds depth to the scene, revealing the characters' inner thoughts and driving the narrative forward.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its unique dialogue, surreal atmosphere, and thought-provoking themes that challenge societal norms and beliefs.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and suspense, with a gradual escalation of events that keeps the reader engaged and interested.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and concise, with distinct visual cues and dialogue formatting that enhance the reader's understanding of the setting and characters.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a non-linear structure, with repetitive dialogue and visual cues that enhance the surreal and dream-like quality of the narrative.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the surreal and chaotic atmosphere of a clinic focused on gender transition surgeries, using a mix of dialogue and song to convey Rita's eagerness and the overwhelming nature of the environment. However, the repetitive nature of the dialogue, particularly the list of surgeries, can become monotonous and may lose the audience's engagement. While it serves to emphasize the multitude of options available, it could benefit from more variation in phrasing or context to maintain interest.
  • The transition from the Asian surgeon to the Indian surgeon is visually interesting, but the abruptness of the change could be disorienting for the audience. It might be helpful to include a brief moment of reflection or a visual cue that signifies Rita's journey from one clinic to another, enhancing the flow of the scene.
  • The introduction of the chorus adds a unique musical element, but the lyrics could be more impactful if they included personal stakes or emotional resonance related to Rita's journey. Currently, the lyrics focus on the procedures rather than the implications of these surgeries on identity and self-perception, which could deepen the audience's connection to Rita's character.
  • The sudden shift from a light-hearted, almost whimsical atmosphere to a threatening situation with the plastic bag and Manitas' voice is jarring. While this contrast can be effective, it may benefit from a more gradual build-up to heighten tension. Foreshadowing or subtle hints of danger earlier in the scene could prepare the audience for this abrupt shift.
  • The dialogue from Manitas is impactful, but the use of a distorted voice could detract from the emotional weight of the moment. Consider using a more direct approach to convey his threat, as the distortion may distance the audience from the gravity of Rita's situation. Additionally, the use of subtitles for the Spanish dialogue could enhance accessibility for a broader audience.
Suggestions
  • Introduce more variation in the dialogue when listing the surgeries to keep the audience engaged. Consider adding Rita's personal thoughts or reactions to each procedure to provide depth.
  • Include a visual transition or a moment of reflection as Rita moves from one clinic to another to enhance the flow and coherence of the scene.
  • Revise the chorus lyrics to incorporate emotional stakes or personal reflections from Rita, making the song resonate more with her character's journey.
  • Build tension gradually before the sudden threat appears. Foreshadowing elements of danger earlier in the scene could create a more cohesive narrative arc.
  • Consider using a more direct delivery for Manitas' dialogue to maintain emotional impact, and include subtitles for non-Spanish-speaking audiences to enhance accessibility.



Scene 14 - Tension in the Waiting Room
EXT. BEN GURION AIRPORT, TEL AVIV – DAY

An El-Al 787 lands at Ben Gurion International Airport.

Title card:

TEL AVIV


EXT. AVENUE, TEL AVIV - DAY

A large modern, white building with big letters on its facade:
HICHILOV HOSPITAL.


INT. LEVITCH MEDICAL CENTER, WAITING ROOM - DAY

Rita sits in a modest white waiting room.

She surveys the people waiting: a soldier with a bandaged face.
A mother with her teenaged son whose jaws are K-wired.

She overhears snippets of a conversation in Hebrew in the
doctor’s office.


INT. LEVITCH MEDICAL CENTER, WASSERMAN’S OFFICE – DAY

DR. WASSERMAN sits across from her. White lab coat, buzz cut,
blue eyes, an inscrutable half smile.

Rita watches him silently leaf through a file.

RITA (O.S.)
Creo que ahora sí lo encontré.
I think I've found it this time.


MANITAS (O.S.)
Lo dices porque te estás
apanicando.
You say that because you’re scared.

RITA (O.S.)
No, lo digo porque es el indicado.
No se las da de simpático. No trata
de vender sus chácharas. Además,
¿quién va a venir a buscarlo a
usted a Tel Aviv?
No, because he’s the right one. He doesn’t try to be nice
and he’s not pushing his wares. And who’d come looking
for you in Tel Aviv?

Wasserman looks up.

WASSERMAN
Your client has no name?

RITA
For the moment, no. He desires to
remain anonymous.

WASSERMAN
No name but a lot of money…

Rita nods.

WASSERMAN (CONT’D)
He’s Mexican like you?

Rita does not respond.

WASSERMAN (CONT’D)
He’s in trouble?

She doesn’t answer.

A beat.

Rita sees the doctor push the file back her way, as if an
answer.

Start 1M11 LADY duet Rita/Wasserman

WASSERMAN (CONT’D)
Lady,
You know I only fix the body
Skin, bones, but I will never fix
the soul

If he’s a he she’ll be a he
If he’s a she she’ll be she
If he’s a wolf she’ll be a wolf
(MORE)
WASSERMAN (CONT’D)
If he’s the wolf you’ll be his
sheep

Lady,
I’ve been a doctor since I’m 24
I fight and fix but I’ll never
stop the war
My door is not God’s door

Rita begins to show signs of impatience.

WASSERMAN (CONT’D)
Lady,
Will you please tell your Mister
Mystery
Instead of having plastic surgery
He’d better change ID

She mimes “okay, finished?”

RITA
Doctor,
I know you did a lot of studies
Doctor!

WASSERMAN
Please!

RITA
But let me say I disagree

She points a finger at Wasserman.

RITA (CONT’D)
Changing the body, changes Society
Changing Society, changes the soul
Changing the soul, changes Society
Changing Society, changes it all

So Doctor
You’d better trust my Mister
Mystery
If you had seen what he has shown
to me
You’d be a better man

Another Rita is standing on his desk.

RITA (CONT’D)
Doctor,
You don’t know what it’s like to be
a Queen
When you were born to strive and
raised to kill
(MORE)
RITA (CONT’D)
You’d better Dance or Die
Ladies and Gentlemen
and everyone in between
And every body
no one has
ever been
I’ll never let you down!

Getting carried away, Rita raises a fist and pierces the
false ceiling. Part of it collapses onto Wasserman’s desk.

RITA (CONT’D)
Doctor
I’ve been a lawyer since I’m 24
Don’t want to say what I’m doing
this for
I’ll never plead guilty

She leans in very close to Wasserman’s face.


RITA (CONT’D)
Doctor
I didn’t come your way to waste
your time
Changing gender is not an alibi
You’d better change your mind x3
Your Mind
Your Mind

WASSERMAN
Lady,
Will you please tell your Mister
Mystery
Instead of having plastic surgery
He’d better change his mind
His mind
His mind

End of 1M11 LADY

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In a tense scene at Levitch Medical Center, lawyer Rita passionately advocates for her anonymous client's surgery, arguing that physical change can lead to societal transformation. Dr. Wasserman, the skeptical doctor, counters her claims, emphasizing the limitations of his role and the need to address deeper issues. Their heated exchange escalates, culminating in Rita accidentally damaging the ceiling, symbolizing her emotional turmoil. The scene ends with both characters firmly entrenched in their opposing views, highlighting the unresolved conflict between them.
Strengths
  • Powerful dialogue
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Exploration of complex themes
Weaknesses
  • Potential for the scene to become overly didactic or preachy if not handled carefully

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene is well-crafted, with strong dialogue, emotional depth, and a compelling conflict that drives the narrative forward.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of challenging societal norms and exploring identity through a heated exchange is innovative and thought-provoking. The scene delves deep into complex themes with nuance and depth.

Plot: 8

The plot is advanced through the conflict between Rita and Dr. Wasserman, revealing layers of character motivations and societal commentary. The scene adds depth to the overall narrative.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on gender identity and societal norms, blending cultural elements and emotional depth in a unique way. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and compelling.


Character Development

Characters: 9

Rita and Dr. Wasserman are well-developed characters with strong personalities and conflicting beliefs. Their interaction drives the scene and reveals insights into their values and struggles.

Character Changes: 8

Rita undergoes a transformation in her confidence and assertiveness during the scene, challenging societal norms and asserting her beliefs. Dr. Wasserman also experiences a shift in perspective, albeit subtle.

Internal Goal: 8

Rita's internal goal is to convince Dr. Wasserman to support her client's desire for anonymity and gender reassignment surgery. This reflects her deeper need for acceptance and understanding of her client's situation.

External Goal: 7

Rita's external goal is to secure Dr. Wasserman's cooperation for the gender reassignment surgery without revealing her client's identity. This reflects the immediate challenge she faces in navigating the medical system and societal norms.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between Rita and Dr. Wasserman is intense and drives the emotional and narrative tension of the scene. It highlights the clash of beliefs and values, adding depth to the character dynamics.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting viewpoints and emotional stakes. The audience is left uncertain about the outcome, adding suspense and drama to the scene.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in the scene as Rita confronts Dr. Wasserman about identity and societal norms, risking her reputation and beliefs. The outcome of their exchange could have significant consequences for both characters.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by deepening the conflict, developing the characters, and exploring key themes of the narrative. It adds complexity and depth to the overall plot.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected emotional outbursts and symbolic gestures. The conflict between the characters keeps the audience on edge, unsure of how the situation will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the acceptance of gender identity and the societal norms surrounding it. Dr. Wasserman's traditional views clash with Rita's progressive beliefs, challenging their values and worldviews.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, eliciting strong feelings of defiance, empowerment, and empathy. The confrontation between Rita and Dr. Wasserman resonates with the audience and leaves a lasting impression.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is powerful, confrontational, and emotionally charged, adding depth to the characters and advancing the themes of the scene. It effectively conveys the conflicting perspectives of Rita and Dr. Wasserman.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its emotional intensity, dramatic conflict, and thematic depth. The dialogue and character interactions draw the audience in, creating a compelling narrative.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene enhances its effectiveness by building tension and emotional impact. The rhythm of the dialogue and character interactions keeps the audience engaged and invested in the story.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions. The dialogue is formatted correctly, enhancing readability.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a well-paced structure, building tension and conflict effectively. The dialogue and actions flow naturally, contributing to the scene's impact.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes a tense atmosphere as Rita navigates her complex relationship with Dr. Wasserman. However, the dialogue can feel somewhat heavy-handed, particularly in the musical interlude. While the intention is to convey Rita's passion and urgency, the lyrical format may detract from the realism of the conversation, making it feel more like a performance than a genuine exchange.
  • Rita's character is portrayed as assertive and passionate, which is commendable. However, the abrupt shift from a serious discussion about surgery to a more theatrical performance can confuse the audience regarding the tone of the scene. This inconsistency may undermine the gravity of the situation and the stakes involved.
  • The use of Spanish and English in the dialogue adds authenticity to the characters and their backgrounds, but it may alienate viewers who do not understand both languages. Providing subtitles or ensuring that the context is clear through visual cues could enhance accessibility.
  • The physical action of Rita accidentally damaging the ceiling is a strong visual metaphor for her emotional state, but it could be more effectively integrated into the dialogue. The moment feels abrupt and could benefit from a more gradual build-up to this climax, allowing the audience to feel the tension rising before it culminates in the physical outburst.
  • The scene's pacing is uneven, particularly during the musical interlude. While it serves to express Rita's emotions, it disrupts the flow of the conversation. A more seamless integration of the song into the dialogue could maintain the scene's momentum and keep the audience engaged.
Suggestions
  • Consider revising the musical interlude to make it feel more organic to the conversation. Perhaps have Rita express her thoughts in a more conversational tone, gradually building to a passionate plea without breaking into song.
  • Enhance the emotional stakes by providing more context about Rita's client and the implications of the surgery. This could deepen the audience's investment in the outcome and make Rita's urgency more relatable.
  • Introduce visual elements that reflect the tension in the room, such as close-ups of Rita's expressions or the doctor's reactions, to heighten the emotional impact of the dialogue.
  • Ensure that the bilingual dialogue is accessible to all viewers. Consider adding subtitles for the Spanish lines or providing context through the characters' reactions to maintain clarity.
  • Refine the pacing of the scene by balancing the dialogue and action more effectively. Allow moments of silence or reflection between exchanges to build tension and give the audience time to absorb the gravity of the situation.



Scene 15 - Acceptance in the Desert
INT. LEVITCH MEDICAL CENTER, WASSERMAN’S OFFICE - DAY


Rita sits back down in front of the stunned doctor.

WASSERMAN
Can… Can I at least talk to him?

RITA
That depends.


WASSERMAN
On what?

RITA
On you. If you are not willing to
accept, it’s not worth it to talk
to him. To listen to him is to
accept.


EXT. CHIHUAHUA DESERT – NIGHT

Top shot: the headlights of an SUV in the Mexican desert.
Ranchera music follows the car like the cloud of dust in its
wake.

WASSERMAN (O.S.)
Ah! (yelling) Could you ask them to
lower their shitty music?

RITA (O.S.)
(gritando) Oigan muchachos, ¿pueden
bajarle un poco al volumen por
favor?
(yelling) Hey guys, can you please turn it down!

The music stops.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In Dr. Wasserman's office, Rita stresses the importance of acceptance before he can communicate with a certain individual. The scene shifts to the Chihuahua Desert at night, where Wasserman, annoyed by loud ranchera music from an SUV, asks for it to be turned down. Rita translates his request, leading to the music stopping, but the underlying conflict regarding acceptance remains unresolved.
Strengths
  • Intense character dynamics
  • Sharp dialogue
  • Tense negotiation
Weaknesses
  • Limited physical action
  • Heavy dialogue-driven

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene is well-crafted with a strong focus on character dynamics and conflict, driving the narrative forward.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of negotiating a sensitive issue like surgery adds depth to the scene and highlights the complexities of the characters involved.

Plot: 8

The plot progresses as Rita navigates the challenges of advocating for her client's needs, adding layers to the overall story.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a unique power dynamic between Rita and the doctor, with the desert setting adding a fresh element to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Rita and Dr. Wasserman are well-developed and their interactions drive the scene forward with intensity.

Character Changes: 8

Rita's determination and Dr. Wasserman's skepticism showcase a shift in their perspectives and motivations during the negotiation.

Internal Goal: 8

Rita's internal goal in this scene is to assert her power and control over the situation. She wants to make it clear to the doctor that she holds the cards and he must comply with her terms.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to get the doctor to cooperate and provide information or access to someone she wants to talk to.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between Rita and Dr. Wasserman regarding the surgery creates a high level of tension and drama.

Opposition: 7

The opposition between Rita and the doctor adds complexity and uncertainty to the scene, creating a compelling dynamic.

High Stakes: 8

The high stakes of the negotiation, involving a sensitive surgery request, add intensity to the scene.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by highlighting the challenges faced by Rita in advocating for her client's needs.

Unpredictability: 8

The scene is unpredictable due to the power dynamics and conflicting goals of the characters, keeping the audience on edge.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between acceptance and resistance. Rita believes that listening is accepting, while the doctor may have a different perspective on the matter.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from determination to skepticism, adding depth to the character dynamics.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is sharp and impactful, revealing the conflicting perspectives of the characters and enhancing the tension in the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to the tension between Rita and the doctor, as well as the mystery surrounding their conversation and the desert setting.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene builds tension effectively, with the dialogue and setting contributing to the overall rhythm and mood.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and easy to follow, adhering to the expected format for its genre.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with distinct locations and character interactions, fitting the expected format for its genre.


Critique
  • The scene effectively transitions from a tense conversation in Wasserman's office to the chaotic environment of the Chihuahua Desert, which creates a stark contrast that emphasizes the gravity of the situation. However, the abrupt shift in setting may confuse the audience if not properly contextualized. The connection between Wasserman's request and the subsequent scene in the desert could be made clearer to enhance narrative flow.
  • Wasserman's character is portrayed as skeptical and somewhat dismissive, which is effective in establishing conflict. However, his dialogue could benefit from more depth to convey his internal struggle or motivations. This would make him a more rounded character and provide the audience with a better understanding of his perspective.
  • Rita's dialogue is strong in its assertiveness, but it could be enhanced by incorporating more emotional stakes. For instance, exploring her personal connection to the situation or her motivations for advocating for her client could add layers to her character and make her more relatable.
  • The use of ranchera music as a backdrop in the desert scene is a nice touch, but the transition feels somewhat jarring. The audience may need more context about why the music is significant or how it relates to the characters' emotional states. This could be achieved through visual or auditory cues that tie the two scenes together.
  • The dialogue in the desert scene is minimal, which can be effective for pacing, but it may also leave the audience wanting more. Consider adding a brief moment of reflection or dialogue that highlights the characters' feelings about the situation they find themselves in, which would deepen the emotional impact.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a line or two of dialogue from Wasserman that reveals his internal conflict or skepticism about the situation, which would provide more depth to his character.
  • Enhance Rita's dialogue by incorporating her emotional stakes or personal motivations for advocating for her client, making her more relatable and engaging.
  • Provide a smoother transition between the office and the desert scene by adding a line that connects Wasserman's request to the urgency of the situation in the desert, perhaps hinting at the consequences of not listening to Rita's client.
  • Incorporate a brief moment of reflection or dialogue in the desert scene that allows the characters to express their feelings about the music or the situation, adding emotional weight to the transition.
  • Consider using visual or auditory cues to tie the ranchera music to the characters' emotional states, enhancing the thematic connection between the two scenes.



Scene 16 - Night at Manitas' Compound
EXT. MANITAS’ COMPOUND - NIGHT

Five cars are parked in a circle around Manitas’ compound.

A cloud of dust, the doors open… the hoods are pulled off…

.../...

A finger presses a button, turning on the generator.

Projectors on the vehicles light up to shape a circle. Stakes
are unloaded from the cars. Ropes are tied and canvas
stretched.

Holding his bag, Wasserman takes an anthropologist’s look at
the crowd. Neither the weapons nor the sinister looks
frighten him.

But it is also true that the atmosphere is very different
from scene 14, tonight there is like a smell of freedom.


EXT. MANITAS’ COMPOUND - NIGHT

A hand reaches into the frame…

Rita makes the introductions in English:

RITA
Manitas Del Monte… Professor
Wasserman.

Wasserman shakes his hand.

MANITAS
Good evening, Professor, did you
have a good trip?

WASSERMAN
Besides the shitty music,
excellent.

MANITAS
Are you hungry, would you like to
rest?

WASSERMAN
Neither… We can start whenever you
want.

Rita watches them disappear into Manitas’ armored vehicle.

We approach until her face fills the frame.

Start of 1M13 Chiaroscuro

On this image are superimposed:
Genres: ["Thriller","Drama"]

Summary Under the cover of night, five cars form a circle outside Manitas' compound, creating a tense yet liberating atmosphere. A generator hums to life, casting light as stakes and ropes are unloaded. Professor Wasserman, an unfazed anthropologist, meets the host Manitas, who greets him warmly despite the ominous setting. Rita, the intermediary, observes their interaction as Wasserman humorously comments on the music and expresses eagerness to begin. The scene culminates with Wasserman and Manitas entering an armored vehicle, hinting at the unfolding events ahead.
Strengths
  • Tension-building
  • Character dynamics
  • Cultural clash
  • Mystery elements
Weaknesses
  • Potential lack of clarity in certain character motivations

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively builds tension and mystery, setting up a high-stakes situation with strong character dynamics and cultural contrasts.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the compound meeting and the cultural clash between characters is intriguing and adds depth to the overall story.

Plot: 8.5

The plot progresses significantly in this scene, introducing new conflicts and raising the stakes for the characters involved.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a unique setting and situation, with a blend of academic curiosity and survival instincts. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and add to the overall sense of mystery and danger.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed and their interactions drive the tension and conflict in the scene, particularly Rita and Manitas.

Character Changes: 8

The characters, particularly Rita, experience shifts in their perspectives and motivations, setting up potential changes in future scenes.

Internal Goal: 8

Wasserman's internal goal in this scene is to maintain his composure and not show fear in the face of potential danger. This reflects his deeper need for control and his desire to appear strong and unafraid.

External Goal: 7

Wasserman's external goal in this scene is to gather information and potentially make a deal with Manitas. This reflects the immediate challenge of navigating a potentially dangerous situation and coming out on top.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is high, with tensions between characters and the potential for significant consequences.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting goals and hidden agendas creating tension and conflict. The audience is left uncertain of how the characters will navigate the situation.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in this scene, with potential consequences for the characters' actions and decisions.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward, introducing new conflicts and raising the stakes for the characters involved.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting power dynamics and the characters' hidden motives. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how the situation will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between Wasserman's academic curiosity and his survival instincts. He must balance his desire for knowledge with the need to stay safe in a dangerous environment.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes fear, curiosity, and determination in the characters and the audience, creating an emotional connection to the unfolding events.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is sharp and contributes to the tense atmosphere, revealing character motivations and conflicts effectively.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its tense atmosphere, sharp dialogue, and intriguing characters. The reader is drawn into the mystery and danger of the situation.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a gradual build-up of tension and conflict. The rhythm of the dialogue and action keeps the reader engaged and invested in the outcome.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear descriptions and dialogue cues. The formatting enhances the readability and impact of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a suspenseful encounter, with a gradual build-up of tension and conflict. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the effectiveness of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes a tense atmosphere with the visual of cars parked in a circle and the actions of unloading stakes and ropes. However, the transition from the previous scene could be smoother. The abrupt shift from the music stopping to the introduction of characters feels disjointed. Consider adding a brief moment of silence or a visual cue that emphasizes the change in tone.
  • Wasserman's character is portrayed as calm and detached, which contrasts well with the surrounding tension. However, his dialogue could be more impactful. The line about the 'shitty music' feels somewhat casual and could undermine the gravity of the situation. A more serious or insightful comment could enhance his character's depth and the scene's tension.
  • The phrase 'smell of freedom' is intriguing but vague. It could benefit from a more concrete description or imagery that conveys what this freedom means in the context of the scene. Is it a sense of liberation from oppression, or a dangerous freedom that comes with risks? Clarifying this could add layers to the atmosphere.
  • Rita's role in the scene is somewhat passive; she introduces the characters but does not actively engage in the unfolding tension. Consider giving her a line that reflects her emotional state or her thoughts about the situation, which would help to deepen her character and her stakes in the scene.
  • The visual description of the projectors and the setup creates a vivid image, but it could be enhanced by incorporating sensory details. What sounds accompany the actions? Are there any smells or feelings in the air that could heighten the tension? Adding these elements could immerse the audience further into the scene.
Suggestions
  • Smooth the transition from the previous scene by incorporating a brief moment of silence or a visual cue that emphasizes the change in tone before introducing the new scene.
  • Revise Wasserman's dialogue to reflect a more serious tone that aligns with the tension of the situation. Consider a line that reveals his awareness of the stakes involved.
  • Clarify the meaning of 'smell of freedom' by providing more concrete imagery or context that explains what this freedom represents in the scene.
  • Give Rita a more active role in the scene by adding a line that reflects her emotional state or her thoughts about the situation, enhancing her character development.
  • Incorporate sensory details to enhance the visual description of the projectors and the setup, including sounds, smells, and feelings that could heighten the tension and immerse the audience.



Scene 17 - Echoes of Conflict
EXT. MANITAS’ COMPOUND - NIGHT

- A guy fiddles with a record player. Throbbing music.

- Tilted down: infared images of the camp and the landscape.
These are the images of a drone remote control. The pilot
with other armed guards are set up on a height overlooking
the camp.

Walkie-talkies crackle and the sound system echoes as it is
set below.


The music will cover all of the following:

- In the halo of directional spotlights, two pickups arrive.
Inside, young and not-so-young women dressed for the party.


From the welcome they receive from the occupants of the camp,
we understand that they are their regulars, or their escorts.
In the light of the LEDs the colors flash.

- From a pickup are unloaded solid and liquid provisions:
Reserves of water, beer and mezcal. People help themselves
before everything is unpacked.

- Rita accepts the can of beer that is offered to her.

She observes while drinking.

- The faces of Manitas and Wasserman. The former speaks, the
latter listens and takes notes in a red notebook.

- A rising moon.

- The red notebook.

- Through the blinds over a window of Manitas’ car: Manitas’
and Wasserman’s silhouettes.

- Wasserman's pen on a page of the red notebook.

MANITAS (OFF)
A pigsty. You have no idea what it
is like growing up in pigsty?
You know the show “The Sopranos”?
Doesn’t ring a bell?
In the beginning, there’s a
character named Vito Spatafore.
He’s the capo of the DiMeo
family... I’ve seen it a hundred
times... Vito works with Tony
Soprano.

Over Manitas' narration:


- A succession of men's faces: tough, sometimes tattooed,
their weapons in their hands, or on their arms.


- A group shoots guns while dancing.


- A couple fucking in a car.

Etc.

MANITAS (OFF) (CONT’D)
They get on well and do good
business together until word gets
out that Vito is gay.
(MORE)
MANITAS (OFF) (CONT'D)
Then Phil Leotardo goes and beats
him to death. The problem in my
life, is that I’m both poor Vito
and that scumbag Leotardo. To keep
his true nature hidden, Vito had to
be the worst fucking scumbag of
them all... I can’t take it
anymore... I’ve thought about
killing myself, about ending up as
a few lines in a newspaper, like
the others. But then I thought it
wasn’t fair, I couldn’t die without
living... I was entitled to another
life, a life of my own.

- Rita's face lit up by what appears to be a campfire. She is
looking at something.
Genres: ["Drama","Crime","Thriller"]

Summary At night in Manitas' compound, a vibrant yet tense atmosphere unfolds as a record player sets the mood. Armed guards and a drone pilot oversee the arrival of women and supplies for a party. Rita, one of the women, observes Manitas as he shares a poignant story about Vito Spatafore from 'The Sopranos,' revealing his internal struggle between victimhood and complicity in violence. The scene captures the juxtaposition of celebration and despair, culminating in Rita's contemplative expression illuminated by a campfire, reflecting her engagement with Manitas' narrative.
Strengths
  • Tension-filled negotiation
  • Revealing character moments
  • Emotional depth
Weaknesses
  • Potential for confusion with multiple elements

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively blends tension, reflection, and intensity, creating a compelling and immersive experience for the audience. The use of different elements like music, visuals, and dialogue adds depth and complexity to the scene.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene, focusing on a negotiation in a criminal setting and a reflective moment for Rita, is engaging and well-executed. The juxtaposition of different elements adds depth and complexity to the scene.

Plot: 8.5

The plot of the scene is crucial in advancing the story, introducing new conflicts and character dynamics. The negotiation and revelations in the compound set the stage for future developments.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh take on themes of identity and survival in a criminal world, with authentic character actions and dialogue that feel true to the setting and conflicts.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters in the scene are well-developed, with clear motivations and conflicts. Rita's internal struggle and Manitas' revelations add depth to their characters, making them compelling to watch.

Character Changes: 8

Both Rita and Manitas undergo significant changes in the scene, with Rita grappling with her beliefs and motivations, and Manitas revealing a vulnerable side to his character. These changes drive the narrative forward.

Internal Goal: 9

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to come to terms with their identity and struggles, as reflected in Manitas' monologue about hiding his true nature and feeling trapped in his current life.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to maintain his facade and survive in the dangerous world of crime and deception.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is high, with tensions running high between the characters. The negotiation and revelations add layers of conflict, driving the narrative forward.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing internal and external challenges that threaten his survival and identity.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes in the scene are high, with characters facing life-changing decisions and revelations. The negotiation and revelations have far-reaching consequences, adding tension and urgency to the narrative.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward significantly, introducing new conflicts, character dynamics, and revelations that will impact future events. The negotiation and revelations set the stage for the next act.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected revelations about the protagonist's struggles and the tense atmosphere that keeps the audience on edge.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the themes of identity, authenticity, and the consequences of living a lie. Manitas grapples with the idea of being true to himself while also surviving in a harsh environment that demands deception.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene has a strong emotional impact, with moments of reflection, tension, and desperation evoking a range of emotions from the audience. Rita's internal struggle and Manitas' revelations add depth to the emotional resonance.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene is impactful, revealing character emotions and motivations. The conversations between Manitas and Wasserman are tense and revealing, adding layers to the narrative.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its blend of tension, introspection, and danger, keeping the audience invested in the characters' struggles and conflicts.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and reveals character depth, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the unfolding events.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear descriptions and dialogue that enhance the atmosphere and character dynamics.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format that effectively builds tension and reveals character motivations through dialogue and action.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes a tense atmosphere with the use of music and visuals, such as the infrared images and the drone pilot setup. This creates a sense of surveillance and foreboding, which is fitting for the context of Manitas' compound.
  • Manitas' monologue about Vito Spatafore from 'The Sopranos' serves as a powerful metaphor for his internal conflict. However, the connection between his story and his own situation could be made clearer. The audience may benefit from a more explicit link between Vito's struggles and Manitas' feelings of being both victim and perpetrator.
  • The juxtaposition of the party atmosphere with the violent imagery (men with weapons, a couple having sex in a car) effectively highlights the duality of life in this world. However, the transitions between these images could be smoother to maintain the flow of the narrative.
  • Rita's role as an observer is well-established, but her internal reactions to Manitas' story could be more pronounced. This would help the audience connect with her character and understand her emotional state as she processes the gravity of the situation.
  • The use of the red notebook as a visual motif is intriguing, but its significance could be further developed. What does it represent for Wasserman and Manitas? Exploring this could add depth to their interaction.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment where Rita reacts to Manitas' story, either through facial expressions or internal monologue, to enhance her character development and emotional engagement with the narrative.
  • Clarify the connection between Manitas' story and his own life by incorporating a line or two that directly relates his feelings of duality to his current situation, perhaps reflecting on how he navigates his identity in a violent world.
  • Smooth out the transitions between the party atmosphere and the violent imagery by using more cohesive editing techniques or narrative devices that tie these elements together, such as thematic music cues or visual motifs.
  • Explore the significance of the red notebook further by incorporating dialogue or visual cues that hint at its importance to both Wasserman and Manitas, potentially foreshadowing future events or decisions.
  • Consider using more descriptive language in the action lines to enhance the visual imagery and emotional tone of the scene, allowing the audience to feel the tension and atmosphere more vividly.



Scene 18 - Under the Stars: A Tense Encounter
EXT. COMPOUND - NIGHT

Silence. We are still on Rita, who is watching.

In front of her: men and women dance around a campfire.
Sicarios, wives of sicarios, children of sicarios.

The music has changed but not the source. Normal volume.
Strident.

A woman's voice from behind.

JESSI (O.S.)
¿Qué está haciendo aquí?
What are you doing here?

She turns around.

RITA
¿Y usted?
What about you?

JESSI
¿Yo? Soy su mujer. Soy Jessi Del
Monte.
I’m his wife. I’m Jessi Del Monte.

JESSI DEL MONTE is pretty and wears expensive clothes that
catch the eye, especially given the location. She is about
20, a bit shy. When she smiles, she exposes small, sharp
teeth.

RITA
Yo soy Rita Mora Castro, abogada.
Trabajo para su marido.

I am Rita Mora Castro, a lawyer. I work for your husband.

JESSI
Sí, me imagino, ¿pero qué hace para
él?
I figured, but what do you do exactly for him?

RITA
Muchas cosas…
Many things...

She cuts Rita off.

JESSI
¿Es cierto que nos va a sacar del
país?
Is it true that he’s getting us out of the country?

RITA
No lo sé, no estoy al tanto.
I do not know, I am not aware of it.

Jessi smiles, not believing her.

JESSI
¿Y quién es ese tipo que viene con
usted?
And who’s the guy coming with you?

MANITAS (O.S.)
Ah, ya se conocieron.
So you’ve met?

Jessi turns around, feeling uncomfortable.

JESSI
Sí. Le preguntaba a Rita quién era
el tipo que está contigo.
Yes. I was asking Rita who the guy with you was.

Manitas shrugs his shoulders.

MANITAS
Los negocios… ¿Dónde están los
niños?
Business stuff... Where are the kids?

JESSI
Están bailando con los demás.
Dancing with the others.

MANITAS
¿Vamos con ellos?
Shall we join them?


JESSI
(a Rita) ¿Viene con nosotros?
(to Rita) Are you coming with us?

RITA
No, gracias… estoy bien aquí.
No, thanks. I’m fine here.

She lifts her glass of beer in a toast.

CUT TO:

The music and the party continue. Manitas, Jessi and their
children lie on the ground in the desert. He points at stars,
teaching them their names. The family stares up at the sky.

Manitas sees Rita watching them. They exchange glances.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary Rita Mora Castro, a lawyer, finds herself at a desert compound where sicarios and their families gather around a campfire. She is confronted by Jessi Del Monte, the wife of a sicario, who questions Rita's intentions regarding her husband. Their conversation reveals Jessi's curiosity and suspicion about Rita's role, particularly concerning a potential relocation. Manitas, another sicario, joins them, shifting the focus to the children dancing and stargazing, creating a moment of familial warmth. Despite the lively atmosphere, tension lingers between the two women, leaving Jessi's skepticism unresolved as Rita observes the family bonding under the stars.
Strengths
  • Tension-building
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Complex character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development beyond Rita and Jessi
  • Potential lack of clarity on the overall narrative direction

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively builds tension and mystery through the interaction between Rita and Jessi, setting the stage for potential conflict and revealing underlying power dynamics. The dialogue is engaging and keeps the audience intrigued.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring the dynamics between a lawyer and the wife of a cartel leader in a remote desert location is unique and adds depth to the narrative. It introduces new layers to the characters and their relationships.

Plot: 8

The plot progresses as Rita navigates the complex world of the cartel, facing challenges and conflicts in her interactions with Jessi. The scene sets up potential developments in the storyline and adds intrigue to the overall narrative.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the crime genre by focusing on the interactions between characters in a dangerous setting. The authenticity of the dialogue and character actions adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters of Rita and Jessi are well-developed in this scene, showcasing their conflicting personalities and motivations. Rita's professionalism contrasts with Jessi's curiosity and suspicion, adding depth to their interactions.

Character Changes: 7

While there are subtle shifts in the dynamics between Rita and Jessi, the scene primarily focuses on establishing their initial interactions and setting up potential changes in their relationship.

Internal Goal: 8

Rita's internal goal is to maintain her professional facade while navigating a potentially dangerous situation. She wants to keep her true intentions hidden while interacting with Jessi and Manitas.

External Goal: 7

Rita's external goal is to gather information about the plans to leave the country and to maintain her cover as a lawyer working for Jessi's husband.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between Rita and Jessi is palpable in the scene, with underlying tensions and power struggles driving the interaction. The scene sets up potential conflicts and developments in the storyline.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting motives and hidden agendas creating tension and uncertainty.

High Stakes: 7

The high stakes are implied through the secretive and tense interaction between Rita and Jessi, hinting at potential consequences for their actions and decisions within the cartel world.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing new elements and conflicts within the narrative. It sets up potential developments and adds intrigue to the overall plot.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable due to the shifting dynamics between the characters and the hidden motives at play. The audience is unsure of how the interactions will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around loyalty, trust, and deception. Rita must balance her loyalty to her job with the need to deceive Jessi and Manitas to gather information.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a sense of unease and curiosity, drawing the audience into the tense interaction between Rita and Jessi. The conflicting emotions of the characters add depth to the scene.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene is engaging and reveals the tensions between Rita and Jessi. It effectively conveys the power dynamics and conflicting emotions of the characters, driving the scene forward.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to the tense interactions, hidden motives, and escalating suspense. The dialogue and character dynamics keep the audience invested in the unfolding drama.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, with a gradual escalation of conflict and character interactions.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene descriptions and character dialogue.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a tense interaction in a crime setting, with clear character motivations and escalating tension.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes a contrast between the celebratory atmosphere of the campfire gathering and the underlying tension of Rita's presence as a lawyer for a sicario's family. This juxtaposition adds depth to the narrative, highlighting the complexities of Rita's role in this world.
  • Jessi's introduction is strong, providing a clear sense of her character through her dialogue and description. However, her initial shyness could be further emphasized through her body language or actions, which would enhance her characterization and make her more relatable.
  • The dialogue flows naturally, but there are moments where it feels slightly expository, particularly when Rita explains her role. This could be streamlined to maintain the scene's pacing and keep the audience engaged without feeling like they are being lectured.
  • The scene's visual elements are compelling, particularly the imagery of the campfire and the dancing figures. However, more sensory details could be added to immerse the audience further, such as the sounds of laughter, the warmth of the fire, or the smell of the desert night.
  • The ending, where Rita chooses to remain by the fire while Manitas and Jessi go to join the children, is poignant. However, it could benefit from a stronger emotional beat or internal reflection from Rita, providing insight into her feelings about her role and the family dynamics she is witnessing.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more physical actions or reactions from Jessi to convey her shyness and discomfort, such as fidgeting or avoiding eye contact, to create a more vivid character portrayal.
  • Streamline the dialogue to reduce exposition. Instead of having Rita explain her role in detail, consider showing it through her interactions or decisions in the scene.
  • Incorporate more sensory details to enhance the atmosphere, such as describing the sounds of the party, the warmth of the fire, or the taste of the beer, to create a more immersive experience for the audience.
  • Add a moment of internal reflection for Rita at the end of the scene, perhaps contemplating her place in this family dynamic or her feelings about the life choices of those around her, to deepen her character development.
  • Explore the dynamics between Rita, Jessi, and Manitas further. Perhaps include a subtle tension or unspoken conflict that hints at the complexities of their relationships, which could foreshadow future developments in the story.



Scene 19 - Dawn of Decisions
EXT. COMPOUND - NIGHT

Smoke rises from the dead fire. The party is over. Sicarios
sleep off their mezcal in their pickup trucks.


EXT. CAMPEMENT - NIGHT

With a blanket draped over her shoulders, Rita smokes a
cigarette, watching the sun rise over the desert.

Wasserman hands Rita the burner phone. At his feet, his
travel bag.

Rita takes the phone and points to the red notebook sticking
out of his pocket.

RITA
Under normal circumstances, a
single word in this notebook would
condemn to death the person who
wrote it, the person who reads it
and all their families!

He hands it to her.

WASSERMAN
I told him I would give it to you.
I don’t need it anymore. The
operation and recovery will take
place back home in Tel Aviv.
Goodbye, Rita.

RITA
Goodbye, Doctor.


They shake hands.

RITA (CONT’D)
I think Manitas told them about the
music…

Behind them, the loud engines sputter, ready to leave.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In the quiet aftermath of a party at a desert compound, Rita, wrapped in a blanket, watches the sunrise while smoking a cigarette. Wasserman hands her a burner phone and a dangerous red notebook, warning her of the deadly implications if its contents are revealed. As he prepares to leave for Tel Aviv, they share a farewell handshake, with Rita expressing concern that Manitas may have leaked information about their operation. The scene is tense and somber, highlighting the weight of their decisions and the unresolved risks associated with the notebook.
Strengths
  • Tension-building
  • Atmospheric setting
  • Intriguing dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Slightly abrupt transition between scenes

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.7

The scene effectively builds tension and mystery through the interactions between Rita, Wasserman, and the Sicarios, setting up a complex situation with high stakes.


Story Content

Concept: 8.6

The concept of the scene, focusing on a clandestine meeting in the desert with dangerous implications, is intriguing and well-executed, adding depth to the overall narrative.

Plot: 8.7

The plot of the scene advances the story by introducing new conflicts, revealing character motivations, and setting up future developments, making it a crucial moment in the overall narrative.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a unique and dangerous situation involving the red notebook, adding a fresh twist to the typical confrontation between characters. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue enhances the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters in the scene, particularly Rita and Wasserman, are well-developed and their interactions reveal layers of complexity and intrigue, adding depth to the story.

Character Changes: 8

The scene prompts subtle changes in Rita and Wasserman, as they navigate a dangerous situation and make difficult decisions, adding complexity to their characters.

Internal Goal: 8

Rita's internal goal in this scene is to confront Wasserman about the dangerous red notebook and the potential consequences of its contents. This reflects her need to protect herself and those around her from harm.

External Goal: 7

Rita's external goal is to secure the red notebook and ensure that Wasserman leaves without causing any further trouble. This reflects the immediate challenge she faces in dealing with the dangerous information contained in the notebook.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8.8

The level of conflict in the scene is high, with tensions running high between the characters and the stakes being raised significantly, creating a sense of urgency and danger.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the potential consequences of the red notebook creating a sense of danger and urgency. The audience is left wondering how the characters will overcome this obstacle.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes in the scene are high, with dangerous implications for the characters involved, adding tension and urgency to the unfolding events.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward significantly by introducing new conflicts, revealing character motivations, and setting up future developments, making it a pivotal moment in the narrative.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the dangerous nature of the red notebook and the potential consequences of its contents. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how the characters will navigate the situation.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the ethical implications of possessing and sharing dangerous information. Rita and Wasserman must grapple with the moral consequences of their actions and the potential harm that could result from the contents of the red notebook.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.3

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from fear and tension to determination and resignation, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the characters' fates.

Dialogue: 8.6

The dialogue in the scene is sharp, tense, and reveals important information about the characters and their motivations, driving the plot forward and creating suspense.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its high stakes, tense atmosphere, and dramatic dialogue. The audience is drawn into the dangerous world of the characters, eager to see how the conflict will unfold.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and suspense, with a gradual escalation of conflict and resolution. The rhythm of the dialogue and action keeps the audience engaged and invested in the outcome.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings, action lines, and dialogue. The formatting enhances the readability and flow of the scene, making it easy to follow and understand.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness, building tension and suspense throughout.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures a moment of transition, with the aftermath of the party contrasting the rising sun, symbolizing new beginnings. However, the emotional weight of this transition could be enhanced by delving deeper into Rita's internal thoughts or feelings as she watches the sunrise. This could provide a more profound connection to her character and the stakes involved.
  • The dialogue between Rita and Wasserman is functional but lacks emotional depth. While it conveys necessary information about the notebook and the operation, it could benefit from more subtext or tension. For instance, exploring Rita's feelings about the notebook and its implications could add layers to their interaction.
  • The visual elements, such as the smoke rising from the dead fire and the desert sunrise, create a vivid atmosphere. However, the scene could be enriched by incorporating more sensory details, such as the sounds of the desert awakening or the smell of the mezcal lingering in the air, to immerse the audience further.
  • The mention of Manitas potentially informing others about the music introduces an intriguing conflict, but it feels somewhat abrupt. This could be foreshadowed earlier in the scene or developed further to heighten the tension and stakes, making the audience more invested in the consequences of this revelation.
  • The ending of the scene, with Rita's farewell to Wasserman, feels somewhat flat. A more impactful closing line or action could leave a stronger impression on the audience, perhaps hinting at the dangers that lie ahead or Rita's resolve in the face of uncertainty.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief internal monologue for Rita as she watches the sunrise, reflecting on her experiences and the choices she has made. This could deepen the audience's understanding of her character and emotional state.
  • Enhance the dialogue between Rita and Wasserman by incorporating more subtext. For example, Rita could express her concerns about the notebook's implications or her feelings about leaving this part of her life behind.
  • Include more sensory details to create a richer atmosphere. Describe the sounds of the desert, the chill in the air, or the taste of the mezcal lingering in Rita's mouth to engage the audience's senses.
  • Foreshadow the potential consequences of Manitas informing others about the music earlier in the scene. This could be done through Rita's observations or concerns, building tension and anticipation.
  • Revise the final moments of the scene to include a more impactful closing line or action from Rita, perhaps hinting at her determination to face the challenges ahead or her apprehension about the future.



Scene 20 - A Song of Longing
INT. MANITAS’ TRAILER

Out the windows, on CCTV screens, the desert landscape speeds
by: the convoy, the cabs’ interiors, the drivers… Rita sits
across from Manitas.

Rita is sitting in front of Manitas. She hands him three
passports.

RITA
…los pasaportes con sus nuevos
nombres. Tienen que aprendérselos
de memoria.
The passports with their new names. They’ll have to
memorize them.

She hands him other papers but Manitas cannot take his eyes off
his children’s passport photos.

RITA (CONT’D)
…estas son las cuentas. Programé y
codifiqué todas las transferencias.
Seguí sus instrucciones: serán
ricos.
...These are the accounts. I programmed and coded all the
transfers. I followed your instructions: you will be
rich.

She shows him photos of a house.

Manitas, lost in his thoughts, looks out the window. He
begins to sing while Rita continues to give him the
information:

RITA (CONT’D)
Aquí es donde van a vivir, es en
Lausana, a la orilla del lago… es
grande, tranquilo… Suiza, pues. Voy
a acompañarlos y ayudarlos a
establecerse. No va a ser fácil al
principio, pero con el tiempo lo
olvidarán.
They will be living here, in Lausanne, a lakefront
property, spacious, calm… Switzerland. I’ll go with them
and help them settle in. It won’t be easy at first but
they’ll eventually forget you.




Start of 1M14 DESEO

MANITAS
No me falta el cielo,
no me falta el mar
no me falta la voz
pero me falta cantar.
I don't lack the sky,
I don't lack the sea
I don't lack a voice
but I lack singing.

No me falta la lana,
no me falta matar,
no me falta lujuria,
me falta desear.
I don't lack money,
I don't lack killing,
I don't lack lust,
I lack desire.

No deseo el deseo
Ni el ser deseado.
Que lo que “es” no no “sea”
yo solo deseo ser Ella.
I don't desire desire,
nor to be desired.
May what used to be no longer be,
I only wish to be a She

Yo quiero otra cara,
yo quiero otra piel,
que el fondo de mi alma
huela como la miel.
I want another face,
I want another skin,
I want the bottom of my soul
to smell like honey.

No deseo el deseo,
ni el ser deseado.,
Que no sea lo que sea
yo sólo deseo ser otra.
I don't desire desire,
nor to be desired,
May what used to been longer be,
I only desire to be a She

Moved, Rita places her hand on Manitas’. He is surprised by her
comforting hand.

End of 1M14 Deseo

Black.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In a tense moment inside Manitas' trailer, Rita hands him three new passports and financial documents, urging him to memorize them for his family's future. As she reassures him about their new life in Switzerland, Manitas becomes emotionally distant, expressing his turmoil through a poignant song about longing. Rita offers comfort by placing her hand on his, creating a moment of connection amidst the sadness of impending separation.
Strengths
  • Rich exploration of themes
  • Strong character interactions
  • Emotional depth
Weaknesses
  • Potential confusion for viewers unfamiliar with the context

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively delves into complex themes and emotions, with strong character interactions and a sense of high stakes.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of desire, transition, and identity is central to the scene, driving the character interactions and conflicts.

Plot: 8

The plot progresses through the negotiation between Rita and Manitas regarding gender transition, adding depth to the characters and advancing the overall story.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces unique themes of desire and identity, with fresh approaches to character development and emotional depth. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed, with Rita and Manitas showcasing complexity and depth in their interactions. Their emotional journey adds layers to the scene.

Character Changes: 9

Both Rita and Manitas undergo significant emotional changes during the scene, particularly in their negotiation of identity and ambition.

Internal Goal: 8

Manitas' internal goal is to find a sense of fulfillment and desire in his life, as reflected in his song lyrics about lacking the ability to sing and desire. This reflects his deeper need for purpose and meaning.

External Goal: 7

Manitas' external goal is to ensure the safety and well-being of his children as they move to a new life in Switzerland. This reflects the immediate circumstances and challenges he is facing.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8.5

The scene is filled with internal and external conflicts, particularly regarding identity, desire, and societal expectations, adding tension and drama.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with internal conflicts and external challenges creating obstacles for the protagonist. The audience is left unsure of how the characters will navigate these obstacles.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high as Rita and Manitas navigate the complexities of desire, transition, and societal expectations, with potential consequences looming over their decisions.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by deepening the characters' arcs and introducing new conflicts and motivations, setting the stage for future developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected emotional revelations and character dynamics. The audience is kept on their toes by the shifting desires and motivations of the characters.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between desire and fulfillment, as Manitas grapples with his lack of desire and the longing for a different life. This challenges his beliefs and values about identity and satisfaction.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions through the characters' struggles with desire, identity, and societal pressures, creating a poignant and impactful moment.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue effectively conveys the themes of desire and transition, with impactful exchanges between Rita and Manitas driving the scene forward.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its emotional depth, character development, and thematic complexity. The tension and mystery keep the audience invested in the characters' journey.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and emotional resonance. The rhythm of the dialogue and character interactions enhances the scene's impact.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character dialogue. The formatting enhances the readability and flow of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear progression of events and character interactions. The pacing and rhythm contribute to its effectiveness in conveying the emotional depth of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures a moment of transition for Manitas, as he is being offered a new identity and life away from his past. However, the emotional weight of this transition could be enhanced by deepening the internal conflict within Manitas. While he sings a poignant song, the juxtaposition of his emotional state with the practicalities of Rita's dialogue feels slightly disjointed. The scene could benefit from more visual cues or internal monologue that reflect his struggle with leaving his old life behind.
  • Rita's character serves as a bridge between Manitas and his new life, but her dialogue could be more impactful. While she provides essential information, her tone remains somewhat clinical. Adding more emotional resonance to her words could strengthen her role as a comforting presence. For instance, she could share a personal anecdote or express her own fears about the transition, making her connection with Manitas more relatable.
  • The use of the song 'Deseo' is a powerful choice, as it encapsulates Manitas' longing for transformation. However, the transition into the song feels abrupt. A smoother lead-in, perhaps through a moment of silence or a specific trigger that prompts Manitas to sing, would enhance the flow of the scene. Additionally, the lyrics could be woven into the narrative more seamlessly, allowing them to reflect the dialogue and the emotional stakes at play.
  • The visual elements of the scene, such as the CCTV screens and the desert landscape, create a tense atmosphere. However, the setting could be utilized more effectively to mirror the emotional turmoil of the characters. For example, the contrast between the harsh desert outside and the warmth of the trailer could symbolize Manitas' internal conflict. Incorporating more sensory details about the environment could enrich the scene's atmosphere.
  • The ending moment, where Rita places her hand on Manitas', is a nice touch, but it could be expanded. This gesture could lead to a more profound exchange, perhaps prompting Manitas to express his fears or hopes directly to Rita. This would not only deepen their connection but also provide a more satisfying emotional resolution to the scene.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding internal thoughts or flashbacks for Manitas to illustrate his emotional struggle with leaving his past behind.
  • Enhance Rita's dialogue with more emotional depth, perhaps by sharing her own fears or experiences related to identity and transformation.
  • Create a smoother transition into the song by establishing a moment that prompts Manitas to sing, allowing the lyrics to resonate more with the scene's emotional context.
  • Utilize the setting more effectively to reflect the characters' emotional states, incorporating sensory details that contrast the harshness of the desert with the warmth of the trailer.
  • Expand the final moment between Rita and Manitas to allow for a deeper emotional exchange, enhancing their connection and providing a more satisfying conclusion to the scene.



Scene 21 - In Hiding: A Mother's Despair
EXT. LAUSANNE VILLA

The moon hangs over the Alps and Lake Geneva like a steel
mirror.

Title card:

“SWITZERLAND”


EXT. VILLA LAUSANNE

Two parked minibuses, trunks and doors wide open in the snow.
Five men come and go between the house and minibuses, carrying
Vuitton trunks and suitcases. When they have finished, they
carry the two sleeping children, ÁNGEL and DIEGO, to the house.

Off to one side wrapped in her parka, Jessi shivers and bursts
into tears.

JESSI
Aquí no estamos en casa, ¡quiero
volver! ¿Por qué me hace esto? ¿Yo
qué le hice?
This is not our home, I want to go back! Why is he doing
this to me? What did I do?

RITA
(con voz baja) Es para protegerlos,
Jessi. Si vuelven, quienes van tras
su marido irán tras usted y sus
hijos. Quiere mantenerlos a salvo,
¿entiende?
(softly) If you go home, the men who are going after
Manitas will go after you and the children. Manitas is
protecting you, you understand?

JESSI
Por favor, señora… no quiero esto…
no tengo nada que hacer aquí.
Please, ma’am. I don’t want this… I have nothing to do
here…

RITA
Se lo ruego…
Please...

JESSI
¿Y cuánto tiempo va a durar?
How long will this last?

RITA
No lo sé.
I don’t know.


JESSI
¿Varios meses?
Several months?

RITA
Tal vez más.
Maybe longer.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In a snowy villa in Lausanne, Switzerland, Jessi, a distressed mother, grapples with her fear and confusion about being in hiding with her children, ÁNGEL and DIEGO. As men unload luggage and carry the sleeping children inside, Jessi expresses her anguish and desire to return home, questioning Rita about their uncertain future. Rita tries to comfort her, explaining the necessity of their situation due to threats against Jessi's husband, Manitas, but can only offer vague reassurances about the duration of their stay. The scene captures Jessi's emotional turmoil against the backdrop of a cold, isolated environment.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth of characters
  • Tension and conflict
  • High stakes and consequences
Weaknesses
  • Potential for the scene to become overly melodramatic if not handled carefully

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys the emotional weight and high stakes involved in the characters' situation. The dialogue and interactions create a sense of tension and desperation, keeping the audience engaged.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of protecting loved ones from the dangers of cartel involvement is compelling and drives the emotional core of the scene. The contrast between the Swiss setting and the characters' past adds depth to the narrative.

Plot: 8

The plot progresses as Rita tries to convince Jessi of the necessity of staying hidden for their safety. The scene adds layers to the overall story by exploring the consequences of cartel involvement.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a unique situation of a family in a foreign land, facing threats and challenges. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Jessi and Rita are well-developed, with Jessi's fear and desperation contrasting with Rita's determination and protective instincts. Their interactions drive the emotional core of the scene.

Character Changes: 8

Jessi undergoes a change in perspective as she grapples with the reality of their situation and the need for protection. Rita's character remains consistent in her determination to keep them safe.

Internal Goal: 8

Jessi's internal goal is to return home and escape the current situation she finds herself in. This reflects her deeper need for familiarity, safety, and a sense of belonging.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to protect her children and keep them safe from potential threats. This reflects the immediate challenge of being in an unfamiliar environment and facing potential danger.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict in the scene arises from Jessi's fear and desperation to return home, contrasting with Rita's determination to keep them safe. The emotional conflict drives the tension and stakes of the scene.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Jessi facing internal and external conflicts that challenge her beliefs and decisions.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in the scene as Jessi faces the threat of danger if she returns home, while Rita must navigate the delicate balance of protecting her and her family. The consequences of their decisions are significant.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by deepening the emotional stakes and consequences of cartel involvement. It adds complexity to the characters' motivations and relationships, driving the narrative forward.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the uncertain outcome of Jessi's decision and the potential dangers lurking in the background.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the idea of sacrifice for the greater good. Rita believes that staying in this unfamiliar place is necessary for the safety of Jessi and her children, while Jessi struggles with the idea of sacrificing her comfort and familiarity for the sake of protection.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, eliciting feelings of fear, sadness, and determination from the audience. The characters' struggles and the high stakes involved create a sense of urgency and empathy.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue effectively conveys the emotions and motivations of the characters, adding depth to their interactions. The conversations between Jessi and Rita reveal their inner turmoil and conflicting desires.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the emotional conflict, tension, and relatable themes of family and sacrifice.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension, revealing information gradually, and maintaining the emotional intensity.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear dialogue formatting, scene descriptions, and character actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setting, character interactions, and conflict development.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes a sense of dislocation and emotional turmoil through Jessi's dialogue and actions. Her tears and shivering in the cold symbolize her vulnerability and fear, which is a strong visual cue for the audience.
  • Rita's role as a comforting figure is well-defined, but her dialogue could be more impactful. The repetition of 'please' feels somewhat weak and could be replaced with a more assertive or empathetic approach that reflects her urgency and the gravity of the situation.
  • The use of Spanish adds authenticity to the characters and setting, but it may alienate non-Spanish speaking audiences. Consider providing subtitles or context clues to ensure all viewers can grasp the emotional weight of the dialogue.
  • The transition from the previous scene to this one is somewhat abrupt. While the emotional weight is present, a smoother transition could enhance the flow of the narrative. Perhaps a brief moment of reflection from Rita before the dialogue begins could help bridge the two scenes.
  • The scene's pacing is effective in conveying tension, but it could benefit from more varied sentence structures in the dialogue. The current back-and-forth feels somewhat repetitive, which may detract from the emotional impact. Introducing pauses or interruptions could heighten the tension.
Suggestions
  • Enhance Rita's dialogue to convey a stronger sense of urgency and empathy. Instead of repeating 'please,' consider using more descriptive language that reflects her understanding of Jessi's fear and the stakes involved.
  • Consider adding a brief moment of silence or reflection from Rita before Jessi speaks, allowing the audience to absorb the emotional weight of the situation and creating a smoother transition from the previous scene.
  • Incorporate visual elements that emphasize the cold and isolation of the setting, such as the sound of the wind or the sight of snow falling, to enhance the atmosphere and deepen the audience's connection to Jessi's emotional state.
  • If the scene is intended for a broader audience, consider adding subtitles for the Spanish dialogue to ensure that non-Spanish speakers can fully engage with the emotional content.
  • Experiment with the pacing of the dialogue by introducing pauses or interruptions, which can create a more dynamic exchange and heighten the tension between the characters.



Scene 22 - Shadows of the Past
INT. TAXI - DAY

Shadows play on Rita’s face. She is in a sedan on the way to the
airport.

RITA
Listo, están a salvo.
It’s done. They’re safe.

On the other end, Manitas is breathing, then:

MANITAS (O.S.)
Todo desaparecerá. De ahora en
adelante, eres mi último lazo con
el pasado.
Everything must disappear. From now on, you're my last
link to the past.

CUT TO:


INT. TAXI - NIGHT

Wasserman’s notebook goes up in flames.

The pages twist and burn.


INT. JESSI’S VILLA - NIGHT

Close-up of a television screen. Televisa Veracruz 8 o’clock
news. After a few local news items, the ANCHORMAN announces,
over fire footage of what could be Manitas' trailer:

ANCHORMAN
Los restos humanos encontrados en
el almacén de Veracruz arrojaron su
ADN: pertenecen a Manitas Del
Monte. El conocido narcotraficante
que parecía haberse esfumado desde
hace meses habría, en realidad,
caído en manos de sus enemigos.
Enseguida le mostraremos la
retrospectiva de una trayectoria
criminal.

DNA testing of human remains found in a Veracruz
warehouse has identified the victim as Manitas Del Monte.
The famous drug trafficker, who disappeared months ago,
had in fact fallen into the hands of his enemies. A look
back at a criminal history.


INT. JESSI’S VILLA - NIGHT

In the blue flickering light of the screen, Jessi’s face, a hand
clasped over her mouth and her eyes wet with tears.

We see photos of Manitas in all his splendor: photos of rival
drug lords murdered at his behest – heads cut off, corpses
hanging from bridges, etc.

ANCHORMAN (O.S.)
Y ahora la cápsula deportiva.
And now, sports…

JESSI
¡Noooo!
No!

Black.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Crime","Drama","Thriller"]

Summary Rita, in a taxi to the airport, confirms a task's completion to Manitas, who ominously insists that all connections to the past must vanish, with Rita being the last link. As night falls, Wasserman's notebook burns, symbolizing the destruction of evidence. News breaks of human remains identified as Manitas Del Monte, revealing his criminal history and fate. Jessi, watching the news, is devastated by the revelation, reacting with horror and grief to the images of Manitas's violent past. The scene captures the tension of Rita's connection to Manitas and culminates in Jessi's emotional turmoil upon learning of his death.
Strengths
  • Emotional impact
  • Plot advancement
  • Tension building
Weaknesses
  • Potential lack of clarity on certain character motivations

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene effectively delivers a shocking twist in the plot, evoking strong emotions and maintaining a high level of tension throughout. The execution is well-done, with impactful dialogue and character interactions.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of revealing Manitas' fate through a news broadcast and Jessi's reaction adds depth to the storyline and creates a significant turning point in the narrative.

Plot: 9.5

The plot is advanced significantly with the revelation of Manitas' death and the impact it has on Jessi. It adds layers of complexity to the characters and sets the stage for further developments.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh approach to the theme of criminal activities and their consequences, with authentic and gritty dialogue that adds to the authenticity of the characters' actions.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters, particularly Jessi and Manitas, undergo significant emotional turmoil and development in this scene. Their reactions and interactions drive the emotional impact of the scene.

Character Changes: 9

Both Jessi and Manitas undergo significant changes in this scene, with Jessi experiencing profound grief and uncertainty, while Manitas' fate is revealed posthumously, altering the course of the narrative.

Internal Goal: 8

Rita's internal goal in this scene is to ensure the safety of someone or something, as indicated by her statement 'It's done. They're safe.' This reflects her deeper need for protection and security.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to deal with the aftermath of their actions, as shown by the news report on Manitas Del Monte and Jessi's emotional reaction. This reflects the immediate circumstances and challenges they are facing due to their involvement in criminal activities.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8.5

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, as Jessi grapples with the news of Manitas' death and the implications for her and her family. The emotional conflict drives the tension in the scene.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the characters facing difficult challenges and moral dilemmas that add to the suspense and conflict.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in this scene, as the characters grapple with the consequences of Manitas' death and the impact it has on their lives. The emotional and narrative stakes are raised significantly.

Story Forward: 10

The scene propels the story forward by revealing crucial information about Manitas' fate and setting the stage for further developments. It marks a significant turning point in the narrative.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists and turns in the characters' actions and the consequences of their choices.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the consequences of one's actions and the moral implications of being involved in criminal activities. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs and values, as they are forced to confront the reality of their choices.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9.5

The scene has a high emotional impact, eliciting strong feelings of sadness, shock, and tension. The revelation of Manitas' fate and Jessi's reaction resonate deeply with the audience.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is impactful, especially in conveying the shock and sadness of the characters. It effectively conveys the emotional weight of the situation and drives the scene forward.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its tense atmosphere, emotional intensity, and dramatic revelations that keep the audience on the edge of their seats.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and suspense, leading to a dramatic climax that leaves the audience wanting more.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings and descriptions that enhance the visual storytelling.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear progression of events and a focus on character reactions and consequences.


Critique
  • The scene effectively transitions from the tension of Rita's conversation with Manitas to the aftermath of his fate, creating a strong emotional impact. However, the abrupt shift from day to night could benefit from a smoother transition to maintain the flow and coherence of the narrative.
  • The dialogue between Rita and Manitas is succinct and conveys the gravity of their situation, but it lacks emotional depth. Adding a moment of hesitation or a more personal reflection from Rita could enhance the emotional stakes and provide insight into her character's feelings about the situation.
  • The use of the television news report is a clever narrative device to convey exposition about Manitas' fate. However, the anchorman's delivery feels somewhat detached, which may detract from the emotional weight of the moment. A more dramatic or somber tone could amplify the impact of the news on Jessi.
  • Jessi's reaction to the news is powerful, but it could be further developed. Exploring her internal struggle or providing a brief flashback to happier moments with Manitas could deepen the audience's connection to her character and heighten the tragedy of the situation.
  • The visual imagery of the flames consuming Wasserman's notebook is striking and symbolizes the destruction of evidence and memories. However, the connection between this imagery and the emotional stakes for Rita and Jessi could be made clearer. A brief moment of reflection from Rita as she witnesses the flames could tie these elements together more cohesively.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of Rita's internal conflict or reflection after her conversation with Manitas to deepen her emotional journey.
  • Enhance the anchorman's delivery to match the gravity of the news being reported, possibly by incorporating a more somber tone or pacing.
  • Include a flashback or a memory sequence for Jessi that highlights her relationship with Manitas, allowing the audience to feel her loss more profoundly.
  • Explore the connection between the burning notebook and the emotional stakes for Rita and Jessi by including a moment of contemplation or reaction from Rita as she witnesses the flames.
  • Ensure a smoother transition between the day and night scenes to maintain narrative coherence, possibly by using a fade or a visual cue that indicates the passage of time.



Scene 23 - Awakening to Gratitude
EXT. TEL AVIV - DAY

The sun rises over Tel Aviv.

Start 2M15 Tel Aviv


INT. ROOM HICHILOV HOSPITAL - DAY

End of 2M15 Tel Aviv

We slowly open on…

Subjective camera:

You open your eyes in a dark hospital room. You groan. You are
breathing heavily. The door opens. A silhouette steps in from
the bright corridor and approaches. You recognize Wasserman, who
has come to see you. You shut your eyes.

You open them later. They are dazzled by the sunlight streaming
in through the blinds … It takes time to adjust.

CUT TO:


INT. ROOM HICHILOV HOSPITAL - DAY

You hear the sound of the TV attached to the wall. The weather
report and regional news.

Your hand shakes. You aim a small mirror at your stomach. You
hyperventilate. Delighted with what you see. Groaning:

EMILIA
… Dios mío… Dios mío… gracias, Dios
mío…
… My God… my God… thank you, God…
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In a hospital room, Emilia awakens in confusion and fear, initially shutting her eyes upon seeing Wasserman. As she adjusts to her surroundings, she experiences a moment of panic while examining her stomach in a mirror. However, this fear transforms into relief and gratitude as she realizes her condition, leading her to express thanks to God. The scene captures her emotional journey from anxiety to joy, highlighted by the bright sunlight and her shaking hand.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Atmospheric tension
Weaknesses
  • Minimal dialogue
  • Limited external conflict

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys a range of emotions and sets the stage for further character development and plot progression.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene, focusing on the character's awakening after a significant event, is engaging and sets the stage for further exploration of their journey.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene, centered around the character waking up in the hospital room, adds depth to the overall narrative and hints at future developments.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the hospital setting by emphasizing the protagonist's internal and external struggles, as well as their philosophical conflict. The authenticity of the character's dialogue and actions adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The scene effectively showcases the character's emotional journey and sets the stage for potential growth and transformation.

Character Changes: 7

The character undergoes a subtle but significant change in their emotional state, setting the stage for potential growth and development.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to come to terms with their situation and find gratitude amidst their pain and fear. This reflects their deeper need for acceptance and resilience in the face of adversity.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to recover from a physical injury or illness, as indicated by their reaction to seeing their reflection in the mirror. This goal reflects the immediate challenge they are facing in the hospital setting.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 4

The conflict in the scene is internal, as the character grapples with their emotions and the aftermath of the event.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create conflict and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and uncertain about the protagonist's fate.

High Stakes: 6

While the stakes are not explicitly high in this scene, the character's emotional journey and potential consequences add depth to the narrative.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by revealing the character's current emotional state and hinting at future developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it challenges the audience's expectations of a hospital setting, introducing unexpected emotional depth and philosophical conflict.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the protagonist's belief in a higher power and the role of faith in their healing process. This challenges their worldview and forces them to confront their beliefs in the face of adversity.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes a strong emotional response from the audience, particularly in terms of relief and gratitude.

Dialogue: 7

While there is minimal dialogue in the scene, the character's internal monologue and expressions convey the necessary emotions and thoughts effectively.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it immerses the reader in the protagonist's emotional journey, creating tension and suspense through their internal and external struggles.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, allowing the reader to experience the protagonist's emotional journey in real-time.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene adheres to industry standards, with clear scene headings, action lines, and dialogue that enhance readability and visual storytelling.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a dramatic moment in a screenplay, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution that advance the narrative.


Critique
  • The scene effectively uses a subjective camera perspective to immerse the audience in Emilia's experience, creating a sense of disorientation and vulnerability as she wakes up in a hospital. This choice enhances the emotional impact of her awakening.
  • The transition from darkness to light symbolizes Emilia's journey and newfound hope, but the scene could benefit from more sensory details to enhance the atmosphere. Describing the sounds, smells, and feelings in the hospital room could deepen the audience's connection to Emilia's experience.
  • Emilia's dialogue, expressing gratitude to God, is powerful and conveys her relief and joy. However, it might be more impactful if the dialogue included a brief reflection on her journey or struggles leading up to this moment, providing context for her emotional state.
  • The pacing of the scene feels rushed, particularly in the transition from her initial panic to her delight. Slowing down the moment when she sees her stomach could heighten the tension and allow the audience to fully grasp her emotional transformation.
  • The use of the TV in the background is a nice touch, grounding the scene in reality, but it could be more integrated into Emilia's emotional state. For example, if the news report contained information relevant to her situation, it could create a juxtaposition between her personal triumph and the outside world.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more sensory details to the hospital room to create a richer atmosphere. Describe the sounds of the machines, the smell of antiseptic, or the feel of the sheets against Emilia's skin.
  • Expand Emilia's internal monologue or dialogue to include a brief reflection on her past struggles or fears. This could provide depth to her gratitude and make her emotional response more relatable.
  • Slow down the pacing when Emilia first sees her stomach. Allow the audience to linger on her reaction, building tension before her relief and joy are revealed.
  • Integrate the TV news report more meaningfully into the scene. Perhaps it could report on a relevant event that contrasts with Emilia's personal victory, highlighting the broader implications of her situation.
  • Consider using visual metaphors or symbols to enhance the emotional weight of the scene. For example, the sunlight streaming in could represent hope and new beginnings, while the darkness of the previous scene could symbolize her struggles.



Scene 24 - From Recovery to Confidence
INT. ROOM HICHILOV HOSPITAL - DAY

Still in the room. On the TV screen: a telenovela dubbed into
Hebrew.

Sitting on the edge of her bed in her panties, Emilia tries on
bras. Her head is covered in bandages, her body in traces of her
operations.

She puts on a bra and repeats to herself, to try her new voice:

EMILIA
(para sí misma) Emilia Pérez…
Señora Pérez… Emilia… Emilita…
Señora Emilia Pérez…
(to herself) Emilia Pérez… Señora Pérez… Emilia… Emilita…
Señora Emilia Pérez…

Outside: sea and sun.

Fade to black…

Début 3M17 HYDE PARK. Instrumental

A title card:

LONDON

FOUR YEARS LATER


INT. RESTAURANT - NIGHT

A chic restaurant in the city of London, greens and reds in the
English style. Ten guests dine at a table. They all look alike:
40s, same milieu, same natural superiority, same high incomes.
Rita Mora Castro fits in, sitting in the middle of the table.

She has become the perfect executive woman she always wanted to
become.


She is having a conversation with a young man in front of
her.

RITA
I believe if we change the text
here with what you proposed - which
was very good, by the way. He will
get him to sign off on the
agreement by Monday. He’s a
mercurial client…

MAN
What do you mean mercurial?

RITA
It means today he says yes,
tomorrow he says no. By Monday he
will cave in and agree to the
proposal, I can guarantee it.


She feels a glance on her.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary The scene opens in a hospital room where Emilia, recovering from surgery, grapples with her identity while trying on bras and practicing her new voice. Four years later, we see Rita Mora Castro, now a successful executive in a chic London restaurant, confidently discussing a business proposal and navigating the challenges of a difficult client. The emotional tone shifts from vulnerability to assertiveness, highlighting Emilia's internal struggle and Rita's professional growth.
Strengths
  • Strong character development for Rita
  • Engaging dialogue and interactions
  • Effective portrayal of transformation
Weaknesses
  • Limited external conflict
  • Lack of high stakes

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively portrays Rita's evolution and showcases her professional demeanor and negotiation abilities. It sets the stage for her character development and hints at her past involvement in criminal activities.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of Rita's transformation and negotiation skills is well-developed and sets the stage for her character arc.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene focuses on Rita's negotiation skills and professional success, laying the groundwork for future developments in the story.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces unique characters and settings, blending personal struggles with professional challenges. The dialogue feels authentic and drives the narrative forward.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters, especially Rita, are well-defined and their interactions drive the scene forward, showcasing Rita's evolution and determination.

Character Changes: 8

Rita undergoes a significant transformation in the scene, transitioning from a lawyer involved in criminal activities to a successful executive woman in London.

Internal Goal: 8

Emilia's internal goal is to find her new voice and identity after her operations. She is trying to come to terms with her new physical appearance and voice.

External Goal: 7

Rita's external goal is to secure a client's agreement by Monday. She is strategizing and using her skills to achieve this goal.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

While there is tension in the scene, the conflict is more internal and subtle, focusing on Rita's negotiation skills and professional evolution.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with characters facing internal and external challenges that drive the narrative forward.

High Stakes: 7

While the stakes are not explicitly high in this scene, Rita's negotiation skills and professional success are crucial for her character development.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by establishing Rita's new life in London and hinting at her past involvement in criminal activities.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it introduces contrasting settings and characters, setting up potential conflicts and resolutions.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

There is a philosophical conflict between Emilia's struggle with her new identity and Rita's success-driven, corporate lifestyle. Emilia is dealing with personal transformation, while Rita is focused on professional success.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7.5

The scene elicits a mix of emotions, from tension to gratitude, as Rita navigates her professional success and past experiences.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is engaging and reveals important information about the characters and their motivations, particularly Rita's negotiation skills and professional demeanor.

Engagement: 8

This scene is engaging because it introduces intriguing characters and sets up conflicts that drive the narrative forward. The dialogue is sharp and reveals character motivations.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and revealing character dynamics. The transitions between locations are smooth and keep the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene follows standard formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings and character actions. The dialogue is formatted correctly and enhances character development.

Structure: 9

The scene follows a clear structure, transitioning smoothly between locations and characters. The pacing is effective in building tension and revealing character dynamics.


Critique
  • The transition from Emilia's vulnerable moment in the hospital to Rita's confident demeanor in London is effective in showcasing character development over four years. However, the abrupt shift may leave some viewers disoriented. A smoother transition could enhance the narrative flow.
  • Emilia's internal dialogue as she practices her new voice is a strong character moment, but it could benefit from more emotional depth. Consider adding a line or two that reflects her feelings about her identity and the changes she has undergone, which would create a stronger connection with the audience.
  • The description of the restaurant and the guests is vivid, but it lacks specificity about Rita's feelings in this new environment. Adding a brief internal monologue or a visual cue that highlights her discomfort or satisfaction could deepen the audience's understanding of her character's journey.
  • The dialogue between Rita and the young man is functional but lacks tension or stakes. Introducing a hint of conflict or a challenge in the conversation could make it more engaging. For example, if the young man questions Rita's approach or suggests an alternative, it could create a more dynamic exchange.
  • The scene ends rather abruptly after Rita's line about the client. A more conclusive ending, perhaps with a visual cue or a moment of reflection from Rita, could provide a stronger sense of closure and set the stage for the next scene.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of Emilia reflecting on her past or her hopes for the future while trying on the bras, which would enhance the emotional weight of her transformation.
  • Incorporate a visual element that contrasts Emilia's hospital room with the vibrant restaurant setting, perhaps through a split-screen or a montage, to emphasize the drastic change in her life.
  • Enhance the dialogue between Rita and the young man by introducing a challenge or disagreement that showcases her expertise and confidence, making the conversation more engaging.
  • Add a moment where Rita observes the other guests, allowing her to reflect on her place in this new world, which could deepen her character development and provide insight into her emotional state.
  • Consider extending the scene slightly to include a reaction from Rita after the conversation, which could serve as a bridge to the next scene and provide a more satisfying conclusion.



Scene 25 - Unveiled Intentions
INT. RESTAURANT - NIGHT

WOMAN (O.S.)
You’re not English, are you?

Rita looks at her. She looks forty-five, friendly and dresses
with taste. We suppose that it is Emilia. We recognize her.
Rita does not.

RITA
No, I’m not, why?

WOMAN
You have something very special…
something not very…

RITA
I’m Mexican.

WOMAN
No way! Me too!

RITA
No mames. ¿De verdad? ¿De qué
parte?
Really? Where from?

WOMAN
De Monterrey ¿Y tú?
From Monterrey, and you?


RITA
De Veracruz. Bueno, nací en
República Dominicana pero crecí en
México.
From Veracruz. Well, I was born in the Dominican Republic
but grew up in Mexico.

WOMAN
¡Qué buena onda!
How cool!

She calls out to the woman’s neighbor and signals a change of
partners.

RITA
¿Puedo acercarme más?
Can I come closer?

She slides in next to the woman.

RITA (CONT’D)
Me da gusto hablar español…
I am glad to speak Spanish...

WOMAN
¿Extrañas México?
Do you miss Mexico?

RITA
No. Un poco. La verdad no lo sé,
siempre soñé con irme a otro lado…
¿Y tú, vives allá?
No. A little. Well, I can’t say. I always wanted to go
away. Do you live there?

WOMAN
Ya hace mucho que ando de un lado a
otro. Pero, sí lo extraño, claro.
It's been a long time since I've been on the go. But, I
do miss it, of course.


RITA
Sí… Pero no oí bien, ¿cómo te
llamas?
Yes… I didn’t hear… What’s your name?

WOMAN
(riendo) No oíste porque no te
dije.
(Laughing) You didn’t hear because I didn’t tell you.

RITA
Yo me llamo Rita, Rita Mora Castro.
My name is Rita, Rita Mora Castro.


WOMAN
Yo soy Emilia Pérez. Un placer.
I’m Emilia Pérez. Nice to meet you.

They shake hands.

RITA
¿Con quién vienes?
Who did you come here with?

WOMAN
Con Simon, Sí lo conoces ¿no? él se
ocupa de mis asuntos en Europa.
With Simon. You know him, right? He manages my business
in Europe.

RITA
Claro, de hecho, trabajamos más o
menos en…
Of course. We have similar…

Then it suddenly dawns on Rita. A flood of light. She has the
wind knocked out of her. She opens her mouth, but nothing
comes out. She feels the woman’s eyes and smile on her.

RITA (CONT’D)
(como suspirando) ¿Eres tú?
(as if sighing) Is it you?

EMILIA
Bingo.
BINGO.

RITA
¿Por qué estás aquí?
Why are you here?

EMILIA
Tenía negocios en Londres…
I had business in London…

RITA
¡No te hagas pendeja! ¿Pusiste a
alguien a rastrearme?
Cut the crap! Did you put someone to track me?

EMILIA
Nadie.
Nobody.

Start 3M19 POR CASUALIDAD

RITA
No reconozco tu voz.
I don't recognize your voice.


EMILIA
¿Nada más mi voz?
Just my voice?

RITA
No me digas que viniste por
casualidad,
que pasabas por aquí así nada más.
No me digas que viniste por
casualidad
Don't tell me you came by chance,
that you were passing by just like that.
Don't tell me you came by chance

No me digas que viniste por
casualidad,
Dime que viniste a borrar el
pasado,
a callar al último puto testigo
molesto: ¡Yo!
No me, ah, por casualidad.
Don't tell me you came by chance
Tell me you came to erase the past
To silence the last annoying witness: Me!
Don't tell me that you came by chance.

No me digas que viniste por
casualidad.
Dime que viniste hasta aquí a
matarme,
para hacer la limpieza, para que
nadie
se dé cuenta quien fuiste y sepa lo
que sé.
No me digas que viniste por
casualidad
Don't tell me you came here by chance
Tell me you came all the way here to kill me
To do a last clean-up, so that no one
knows who you were and what I know
Don't tell me you came here by chance
Don't tell me you came by chance


Emilia gently interrupts.

EMILIA
No, no, no.
No Rita, no vine por casualidad.
No vine tampoco por amistad,
a agradecerte otra vez,
a echarte más flores,
No Rita, no vine por casualidad.
No, no, no
No Rita, I didn't come by chance
I didn't come either by friendship
To thank you again
To throw more flowers at you
But no Rita I didn't come by chance



No Rita, no vine por casualidad.
Puedes huir, correr, no te detengo,
Pero tal vez un día entenderás
lo que es cambiar de vida
y dejarlo todo atrás.
No Rita I didn't come by chance
You can hide, you can run, I won't stop you,
but maybe one day you'll understand
What it’s like to change life and to leave it all behind.

Vine a pedirte algo
I came to ask you something

RITA
¿No viniste a pedirme algo de
casualidad?
Did you come to ask me something by chance?

END 3M19 POR CASUALIDAD

EMILIA
Necesito que me lleves a mis hijos
a México.
I need you to take my children to Mexico.

RITA
Olvídalo.
Forget it.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In a dimly lit restaurant, Rita and Emilia bond over their shared Mexican heritage, but the atmosphere shifts when Rita uncovers Emilia's true motives. Emilia reveals she needs Rita's help to take her children to Mexico, but Rita, feeling suspicious and confronted, firmly refuses, leaving the tension unresolved.
Strengths
  • Intense dialogue
  • Emotional depth
  • Character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Potential lack of clarity in character motivations

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively builds tension and emotion through the dialogue and reveals a significant turning point in the characters' relationship, keeping the audience engaged and intrigued.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the unexpected reunion between the characters adds depth to the storyline and introduces a new layer of conflict and emotion, enhancing the overall narrative.

Plot: 8.5

The plot of the scene is crucial in advancing the characters' relationship and revealing their emotional dynamics, leading to significant character development and plot progression.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the confrontation between two characters with a shared past, exploring themes of trust and forgiveness in a unique cultural context. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed and their interactions are rich in emotion and complexity, driving the scene forward and engaging the audience in their personal struggles.

Character Changes: 8

Both characters undergo significant emotional changes during the scene, confronting their past actions and motivations, leading to personal growth and introspection.

Internal Goal: 8

Rita's internal goal is to confront Emilia about their past and seek closure. This reflects her deeper need for resolution and understanding of their history.

External Goal: 7

Rita's external goal is to protect herself from Emilia's potential threats and manipulation. This reflects the immediate challenge she faces in dealing with a past relationship.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between the characters is high, driven by their emotional baggage and conflicting motivations, creating a tense and dramatic atmosphere that keeps the audience engaged.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Rita and Emilia facing off in a tense confrontation that challenges their beliefs and values.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in the scene, as the characters' past actions and current decisions have significant consequences for their relationships, personal growth, and future paths.

Story Forward: 9

The scene effectively moves the story forward by revealing new information, deepening the characters' arcs, and setting up future conflicts and resolutions, advancing the narrative.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected reveal of Emilia's true intentions and the shifting power dynamics between the characters.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around trust, betrayal, and forgiveness. Rita struggles with whether to trust Emilia's intentions and whether forgiveness is possible.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking feelings of tension, resentment, and hope, as the characters confront their past and present struggles, resonating with the audience.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is intense, confrontational, and emotionally charged, effectively conveying the characters' conflicting emotions and motivations, adding depth to the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the intense emotional conflict between the characters, the suspenseful reveal of their past connection, and the high stakes of their current interaction.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, allowing for moments of emotional intensity and character development to unfold naturally.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions that enhance the visual storytelling.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format with clear character interactions and dialogue that advance the plot and reveal the characters' motivations.


Critique
  • The dialogue effectively establishes a connection between Rita and Emilia, showcasing their shared cultural background. However, the initial friendly tone quickly shifts to tension, which is a strong narrative choice. The contrast between their initial camaraderie and the underlying suspicion adds depth to their relationship.
  • The scene's pacing is well-structured, allowing for a gradual build-up of tension. The transition from light-hearted conversation to a more serious confrontation feels organic, reflecting the complexity of their past interactions. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext to enhance the tension further; subtle hints at their history could create a richer atmosphere.
  • Rita's emotional journey is compelling, as she moves from friendly curiosity to suspicion and fear. This transformation is well-executed, but it could be enhanced by incorporating more internal conflict or hesitation in her responses. This would allow the audience to feel her struggle more acutely.
  • Emilia's character is intriguing, but her motivations could be clearer. While she states she needs Rita's help, the urgency and stakes of her request could be emphasized more. This would heighten the tension and make Rita's refusal more impactful.
  • The use of Spanish adds authenticity to the characters' backgrounds, but it may alienate non-Spanish-speaking audiences. Consider providing context or translations for key phrases to ensure all viewers can engage with the dialogue fully.
  • The scene ends abruptly with Rita's refusal, which is effective in creating suspense. However, a brief moment of reflection or a visual cue could enhance the emotional weight of this decision, allowing the audience to process the implications of Rita's choice.
Suggestions
  • Incorporate more subtext in the dialogue to hint at the characters' shared history and the complexities of their relationship. This could involve references to past events or mutual acquaintances that would deepen the audience's understanding.
  • Consider adding internal monologue or visual cues that reflect Rita's emotional turmoil as she realizes who Emilia is. This could help the audience connect with her fear and suspicion more intimately.
  • Clarify Emilia's motivations for seeking Rita's help. Adding a line or two that hints at the stakes involved in her request could create a stronger sense of urgency and tension.
  • Provide translations or context for key Spanish phrases to ensure accessibility for all viewers. This could be done through subtitles or brief explanations within the dialogue.
  • End the scene with a moment of silence or a visual cue that emphasizes the weight of Rita's refusal, allowing the audience to absorb the emotional impact of her decision before transitioning to the next scene.



Scene 26 - Unexpected Return
INT. LAUSANNE VILLA - DAY

Lake Geneva. Behind it, the Alps.

JESSI (OFF)
¿México? ¿pero porqué regresaría
yo? A ver dime ¿quién se preocupó
por mí los últimos cuatro años?
¡Nadie!
Mexico? Why would I go back there? Tell me, who cared
about me for the last four years? Nobody!

In close-up, Jessi, blonde now, is on the phone, annoyed.

JESSI (CONT’D)
Y de la noche a la mañana una tía
caída del cielo nos dice que
regresemos ¿y resulta que tenemos
que regresar? ¿En dónde se ha visto
eso? Tengo toda la lana que quiero
y estoy muy bien aquí.
Sí… sí… y hazme un favor, porfis,
ya no me llames.

And overnight an aunt from the sky tells us to go back
and it turns out we have to go back? Where have you seen
that? I have all the money I want and I am very well off
here. Yes... yes... and do me a favor, please, don't call
me anymore.

She hangs up.


EXT. LAUSANNE VILLA - DAY

Two parked MINIBUSES, trunks and doors open. Five men come and
go, piling Vuitton suitcases and trunks into the back of the
minibuses. Ángel and Diego are now teenagers. Their hair is dyed
blond like their mother’s. They climb into the vehicles,
bickering.

Rita and Jessi discuss something a few meters away.

JESSI
¿Dónde vamos a vivir?
Where will we live?

RITA
En su casa, tiene una mansión en
la Colonia Roma.
At her place. She has a huge villa in the Colonia Roma.

JESSI
¿Tú conoces a esa Emilia Pérez?
You know this Emilia Pérez?

RITA
No, pero Manitas me había hablado
de una prima lejana suya con quien
podrían contar un día si le pasaba
algo. Ella sabía cómo localizarme
y, llegado el momento, fue ella
quien me dijo que los llevara.
No, but Manitas did mention a distant cousin you could
count on, if anything happened to him. She knew how to
reach me. And, when the time came, she was the one who
told me to take you guys.

Jessi walks to the cars.

JESSI
Yo no sabía nada de eso.
I knew nothing about this.

RITA
Nadie debía saberlo.
No one was supposed to know.


FADE TO BLACK.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary Jessi, now blonde and frustrated, expresses her anger over being forced to return to Mexico after four years while on the phone. She questions who cared for her during her time abroad and hangs up, asserting her stability in Lausanne. Outside, men load luggage into minibuses as Jessi and Rita discuss their uncertain living arrangements in Mexico, revealing they will stay at a mansion owned by a distant relative, Emilia Pérez, whom Rita does not know. Jessi is taken aback by this revelation, highlighting the secrecy surrounding their situation. The scene captures Jessi's tension and frustration against the serene backdrop of Lake Geneva and the Alps.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth of characters
  • Tension and conflict between characters
  • Exploration of complex themes
Weaknesses
  • Potential lack of clarity in character motivations
  • Some dialogue may be overly expository

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys the tension and conflict between characters, setting up a compelling narrative arc. The emotional depth and complexity of the characters add depth to the story.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of family loyalty, identity, and the consequences of past actions is effectively explored through the interactions and dialogue of the characters. The scene sets up intriguing conflicts and dilemmas.

Plot: 8.5

The plot advances significantly in this scene, introducing new challenges and conflicts for the characters. The scene sets up future developments and raises the stakes for the protagonists.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh take on family dynamics and personal agency, with characters grappling with conflicting desires and obligations. The dialogue feels authentic and adds depth to the characters.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters are well-developed and their motivations and emotions are clearly portrayed. The interactions between Rita and Jessi reveal their complex relationship and conflicting desires.

Character Changes: 8

Both Rita and Jessi undergo significant emotional changes in the scene, grappling with conflicting desires and facing unexpected challenges. Their interactions reveal new facets of their personalities and motivations.

Internal Goal: 8

Jessi's internal goal in this scene is to assert her independence and autonomy. She resents the idea of being forced to return to Mexico and wants to make her own decisions about her life.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to understand the circumstances that led to their sudden relocation and to navigate the new challenges they will face in Mexico.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8.5

The conflict between Rita and Jessi, as well as the internal conflicts faced by the characters, create a tense and dramatic atmosphere. The scene is filled with emotional and relational tension.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting desires and motivations driving the characters' actions. The audience is left uncertain about the outcome, adding suspense to the scene.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in the scene, as Rita and Jessi face difficult decisions that will impact their futures. The consequences of their choices are significant, adding tension and drama to the narrative.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by introducing new conflicts and dilemmas for the characters. It sets up future developments and raises the stakes for the protagonists, driving the narrative towards its resolution.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected turn of events and the characters' conflicting motivations. The audience is kept on their toes, unsure of how the situation will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the tension between family obligations and personal freedom. Jessi grapples with the expectations placed on her by her family and the desire to live life on her own terms.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene evokes strong emotions from the audience, particularly in the interactions between Rita and Jessi. The characters' struggles and dilemmas resonate on an emotional level, drawing the audience into their world.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue effectively conveys the tension and emotion between the characters, revealing their inner conflicts and motivations. The conversations drive the scene forward and deepen character development.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the high emotional stakes, sharp dialogue, and underlying tension between the characters. The audience is drawn into the conflict and invested in the characters' decisions.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and maintaining the audience's interest. The rhythm of the dialogue and the progression of events contribute to the scene's effectiveness.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings and dialogue formatting. The visual descriptions enhance the atmosphere of the setting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with well-defined character interactions and progression of events. It effectively sets up the conflict and establishes the stakes for the protagonist.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes Jessi's frustration and reluctance to return to Mexico, which adds depth to her character. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext to convey her emotional state beyond mere annoyance. Consider incorporating hints of her past experiences that make her resistant to returning, which would enrich her motivations.
  • The transition from Jessi's phone call to the external scene with the minibuses is somewhat abrupt. A smoother transition could enhance the flow of the narrative. Perhaps a brief moment of Jessi's internal reflection after the call could serve as a bridge, allowing the audience to feel her emotional weight before shifting to the action outside.
  • The dialogue between Jessi and Rita is functional but lacks a sense of urgency or emotional stakes. Adding more tension or conflict in their exchange could heighten the drama. For instance, Jessi could express not just annoyance but also fear or anxiety about returning, which would create a more compelling dynamic between the characters.
  • The visual description of the setting is strong, with the picturesque backdrop of Lake Geneva and the Alps. However, the contrast between this serene setting and Jessi's emotional turmoil could be emphasized further. Consider using more descriptive language to juxtapose the beauty of the location with Jessi's internal conflict, enhancing the thematic depth of the scene.
  • The scene ends with a fade to black, which can be effective, but it might be more impactful to end on a line of dialogue or a visual that encapsulates Jessi's feelings about the situation. This could leave the audience with a stronger emotional resonance as they transition to the next scene.
Suggestions
  • Incorporate subtext in Jessi's dialogue to reveal her deeper fears or regrets about returning to Mexico, making her character more relatable and complex.
  • Add a brief moment of internal reflection for Jessi after the phone call to create a smoother transition to the external scene, allowing the audience to connect with her emotional state.
  • Infuse the dialogue between Jessi and Rita with more tension or conflict, perhaps by having Jessi express fears about what awaits them in Mexico, which would heighten the stakes.
  • Enhance the visual contrast between the beautiful setting and Jessi's emotional turmoil by using more descriptive language that highlights her internal conflict against the serene backdrop.
  • Consider ending the scene on a poignant line of dialogue or a striking visual that encapsulates Jessi's feelings, providing a stronger emotional impact as the scene transitions.



Scene 27 - A Warm Welcome Home
EXT. MEXICO CITY - DAY

An aerial pan shot of the Mexico City conurbation: its endless
sprawl, pollution, noise…

We hear the “Se compran” mantra from afar.

Title card:

Mexico City


EXT. EMILIA'S VILLA - DAY

Another pan shot. Tighter this time. We see a magnificent modern
villa clinging to a hillside. Luxuriant greenery, birdsong and
sprinkling systems:

WOMAN (O.S.)
¡Doña Emilia, Doña Emilia, ahí
vienen!
Mrs. Emilia, Mrs. Emilia, they’re here!

EMILIA (O.S.)
¡Ya voy!
I’m coming!

Car doors slam.

EMILIA (O.S.) (CONT’D)
¡Ay, los niños, Jessi, mi familia!
Oh, the children, Jessi, my family!


INT. EMILIA'S VILLA - DAY

The spacious ground floor with a staircase to the second floor.

Rita watches Emilia slowly go and take Jessi’s face in her
hands. She looks deep into her eyes. Jessi stands dumbstruck
with bated breath. Like a statue.

After a beat:

EMILIA
No nos conocemos ¿verdad Jessi, o
sí?
We've never met before, Jessi, have we?

Jessi is moved, dazed.


JESSI
… no, no creo, no…
No, I don't think so…

EMILIA
Tú eras la mujer de Manitas. Se nos
fue, descanse en paz… ahora tú eres
como mi hermana. Tú y los niños ya
están de vuelta y esta es su casa.
¿Entendido?
You were Manitas' wife. He's gone now, God rest his soul.
You're like my sister now. You and your children have
come home, and your home is here. Understand?

The two women hug and cry.

JESSI
Gracias señora.
Thank you, Madame.

EMILIA
(corrigiéndola) Emilia, por favor.
(correcting her) Emilia, please.

She looks over Jessi’s shoulder to exchange glances with Rita.

Rita sees Emilia kiss the children again and again. Emilia's
mouth on the children's cheeks. Then her thumb rubbing off
lipstick from their cheeks.

Rita sees how much Emilia’s effusiveness embarrasses the
children. Jessi looks surprised.

Emilia invites them to follow her upstairs.

EMILIA (CONT’D)
Pero deben estar cansadísimos…
Vengan, voy a enseñarles sus
recamaras. No dijiste Rita, ¿te
quedas con nosotros, no?
You must be exhausted… Come let me show you your rooms.
You’re staying here, Rita, right?

RITA
No, tomé un cuarto en el Four
Seasons. Tengo que trabajar y no me
queda mucho tiempo antes de volver
a Londres.
No. I took a room at the Four Seasons. I have to work and
I don't have much time left before I go back to London.

Rita watches them disappear upstairs.

Feet run up and down the stairs. Maids carry up suitcases.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In a heartfelt scene set in Emilia's luxurious villa in Mexico City, Emilia warmly greets Jessi and her children, embracing them as family and inviting them to stay. Jessi, the widow of Manitas, is touched by Emilia's affection, while Rita chooses to decline the invitation, prioritizing her work commitments over familial ties. The scene captures the emotional reunion and the contrasting choices of the characters, ending with the children joyfully running upstairs amidst the bustling atmosphere.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Strong character dynamics
  • Cultural richness
Weaknesses
  • Lack of overt conflict
  • Slow pacing for some viewers

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys deep emotional connections and introduces new dynamics among the characters. The contrast between Jessi's vulnerability and Rita's professional demeanor adds complexity, making it impactful.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of familial bonds and the transition into a new life is compelling, with the scene encapsulating the complexity of identity and belonging.

Plot: 7.5

While the plot advances the characters' journeys, it primarily focuses on emotional stakes rather than significant plot twists or developments.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh approach to the theme of family dynamics, blending elements of nostalgia, hospitality, and class differences in a unique setting. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds depth to the storytelling.


Character Development

Characters: 9

Emilia emerges as a nurturing figure, while Jessi's vulnerability is palpable. Rita's detachment adds tension, showcasing the diversity of character motivations.

Character Changes: 5

Jessi experiences a moment of transformation as she finds comfort in Emilia's embrace, signifying a shift towards acceptance of her new reality.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to navigate the complex emotions of returning to a place that holds both painful and comforting memories. It reflects her need for acceptance, belonging, and closure.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to reconnect with her family and adjust to her new role in the household. It reflects the immediate challenge of adapting to a new environment and social dynamics.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 4

While the scene lacks overt conflict, the underlying tensions between Rita's professional obligations and the emotional reunion create a subtle but effective conflict.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with underlying tensions and conflicts between the characters that create obstacles to their relationships and goals.

High Stakes: 5

While the stakes are not overtly high in this scene, the implications of their new lives and the past they carry create an underlying tension.

Story Forward: 6

The scene moves the story forward by establishing new relationships and dynamics, setting the stage for future developments in the characters' lives.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the complex emotions and relationships at play, leaving the audience unsure of how the characters will navigate their interactions and conflicts.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the themes of family, identity, and belonging. Emilia's offer of sisterhood to Jessi challenges traditional notions of family and highlights the importance of chosen relationships.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene is highly emotional, particularly through the reunion between Jessi and Emilia. The weight of their past and the hope for the future creates a strong emotional resonance.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is rich and layered, reflecting the characters' emotional states and cultural backgrounds. The exchanges feel genuine and impactful.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the emotional depth in the interactions between the characters, the tension in the family dynamics, and the sense of anticipation for what will unfold next.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by allowing moments of tension, emotion, and reflection to unfold naturally, building anticipation and engagement for the audience.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene adheres to the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting. It enhances the readability and flow of the screenplay.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear establishment of setting, character introductions, and emotional development. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the effectiveness of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes a contrast between the bustling, chaotic environment of Mexico City and the serene, luxurious setting of Emilia's villa. This juxtaposition helps to highlight the characters' emotional states and the significance of their reunion.
  • Emilia's warm and welcoming demeanor is well portrayed, showcasing her as a nurturing figure. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext to deepen the emotional impact of the reunion. For instance, Emilia's acknowledgment of Jessi as 'like my sister' could be expanded to reflect the complexities of their shared history and the weight of loss.
  • Jessi's initial shock and confusion are palpable, but her character could be further developed through internal thoughts or flashbacks that reveal her past with Manitas. This would add depth to her emotional response and make her journey more relatable to the audience.
  • The scene's pacing is generally effective, but the transition from the exterior shots to the interior could be smoother. Consider using a more gradual transition that allows the audience to absorb the shift in atmosphere before diving into the emotional reunion.
  • Rita's presence in the scene feels somewhat passive. While she observes the reunion, her internal conflict or feelings about the situation could be more explicitly conveyed. This would enhance her character arc and provide a clearer connection to the overall narrative.
Suggestions
  • Incorporate more subtext in Emilia's dialogue to convey the emotional weight of the reunion and the complexities of their shared history.
  • Add internal thoughts or flashbacks for Jessi to provide context for her emotional state and deepen her character development.
  • Consider a more gradual transition between the exterior and interior shots to enhance the pacing and allow the audience to absorb the change in atmosphere.
  • Explore Rita's internal conflict more explicitly, perhaps through her thoughts or reactions to the reunion, to strengthen her character arc.
  • Enhance the emotional impact of the scene by including sensory details that evoke the atmosphere of the villa and the characters' feelings, such as the warmth of the sun or the sounds of the children.



Scene 28 - A Night of Concern and Care
INT. VILLA - NIGHT

Rita in the entrance puts on her coat.

EMILIA
(en voz baja) ¿Cómo la ves?
(quietly) How do you see her?

RITA
¿...?
?

Emilia points the upstairs floor with her finger.

RITA (CONT’D)
Totalmente perdida. Vas a tener que
hacerte cargo de ella,
distraerla… Pero tú la conoces
mejor que yo, ¿no?
Totally lost. You're going to have to take care of her,
distract her... But you know her better than I do, huh?

EMILIA
La conocía antes, ahora me da la
impresión que ya no es la misma.
I knew her before. I get the impression she’s not the
same.

RITA
No vamos a insistir en los cambios
de los demás, ¿no?
We are not going to insist on others' changes, are we?

Emilia smiles.

EMILIA
Tienes razón.
You're right.

RITA
Ten cuidado con los niños.
And be careful with the children.

EMILIA
¿Por qué?
Why?

RITA
Deja de besarlos a cada rato. Jessi
no entiende por qué lo haces. Eres
su tía, no su madre.
Stop kissing them all the time. Jessi doesn’t understand.
You’re their aunt, not their mother.

Emilia nods. The two women kiss good night. Emilia holds Rita
back.


EMILIA
Rita, que Dios te bendiga por todo
esto.
Rita, God bless you for all of this.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In a quiet villa at night, Rita prepares to leave while discussing her concerns with Emilia about another character's troubling changes. Rita advises Emilia to be cautious with her affectionate behavior towards the children, emphasizing the need for care. Their conversation is filled with warmth and understanding, culminating in Emilia expressing her gratitude and blessing Rita as she departs.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character dynamics
  • Authentic dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Limited external conflict
  • Subdued tension

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys the emotional depth and complexity of the characters' relationships, creating a tense yet supportive atmosphere. The dialogue and interactions feel authentic and engaging, drawing the audience into the family dynamics.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of family dynamics and the complexities of relationships is effectively explored in the scene. The focus on care, responsibility, and understanding adds depth to the characters and their interactions.

Plot: 8

The plot progression in the scene revolves around the reintegration of Jessi and her children into the family, setting up future conflicts and developments. The scene moves the story forward by establishing key relationships and dynamics.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh approach to family drama, focusing on subtle interactions and unspoken tensions. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and relatable.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters, particularly Emilia and Rita, are well-developed and their personalities shine through in their interactions. Emilia's warmth and concern contrast with Rita's practicality and guidance, creating a dynamic relationship.

Character Changes: 7

The scene hints at potential character changes, particularly in Emilia and Rita as they navigate their roles and relationships. Emilia's realization about Jessi's changed demeanor and Rita's guidance suggest internal shifts that may develop further.

Internal Goal: 8

Rita's internal goal is to express concern for Emilia's well-being and to remind her of her role in the family. This reflects Rita's desire for harmony and stability within the family.

External Goal: 7

Rita's external goal is to ensure Emilia takes care of the children properly and respects their boundaries. This reflects the immediate challenge of maintaining family dynamics and relationships.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

While there is tension and emotional conflict in the scene, it is more subdued and internal, focusing on the characters' personal struggles and relationships. The conflict adds depth to the narrative but does not escalate to high drama.

Opposition: 6

The opposition in the scene is subtle but present, adding complexity to the characters' interactions and hinting at potential conflicts to come.

High Stakes: 6

While the scene involves personal and emotional stakes for the characters, the overall stakes are not extremely high in terms of external conflict or danger. The focus is more on internal struggles and relationships.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by establishing key relationships, conflicts, and dynamics that will impact future events. It sets the stage for further developments and reveals important aspects of the characters' backgrounds and motivations.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable due to the subtle shifts in power dynamics and unspoken tensions between the characters.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict revolves around the idea of accepting change in others and respecting boundaries within the family. This challenges the characters' beliefs about personal growth and family roles.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, drawing the audience into the characters' struggles and relationships. The warmth, concern, and tension between the characters evoke strong emotions and create a memorable moment.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is natural and engaging, reflecting the emotional depth of the scene. The conversations between the characters reveal their personalities and relationships, adding layers to the narrative.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the emotional depth and tension between the characters, as well as the subtle hints at underlying conflicts.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene enhances its effectiveness by allowing the tension to build gradually and the emotional beats to land effectively.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to standard screenplay format, making it easy to follow and understand the scene's progression.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a typical structure for a dramatic dialogue scene, with clear character motivations and conflicts driving the narrative.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures a moment of intimacy and concern between Rita and Emilia, showcasing their relationship and the emotional weight of their circumstances. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext to deepen the emotional stakes. For instance, instead of directly stating that Jessi doesn't understand Emilia's affection, consider using a metaphor or a more nuanced expression of concern that hints at deeper issues.
  • The use of Spanish and English adds authenticity to the characters' backgrounds, but the transitions between languages could be smoother. The abrupt switch from Spanish to English in the dialogue may disrupt the flow for readers unfamiliar with both languages. Consider maintaining one language for the entirety of the scene or providing context for the language switch.
  • Emilia's concern about the changes in Jessi is a strong thematic element, but it could be explored further. The scene hints at Jessi's transformation, yet it doesn't delve into what those changes mean for the family dynamic. Adding a line or two that reflects on the implications of Jessi's changes could enhance the emotional depth.
  • The scene's pacing feels slightly rushed, particularly towards the end. The farewell kiss and Emilia's blessing could be expanded to allow for a more poignant moment. This would give the audience a chance to feel the weight of their parting and the uncertainty that lies ahead.
  • The visual elements of the scene are somewhat underutilized. Describing the setting in more detail could enhance the atmosphere. For example, mentioning the ambiance of the villa at night, the sounds of the city outside, or the warmth of the interior could create a more immersive experience for the audience.
Suggestions
  • Incorporate more subtext in the dialogue to convey deeper emotions and concerns without stating them outright. This will engage the audience and encourage them to read between the lines.
  • Consider maintaining a consistent language throughout the scene or providing clearer context for language switches to enhance readability and flow.
  • Expand on Emilia's reflections about Jessi's changes to provide more insight into the family dynamics and the emotional stakes involved.
  • Allow for a slower pacing towards the end of the scene to emphasize the emotional weight of the farewell, giving characters and audience alike a moment to absorb the significance of the moment.
  • Enhance the visual descriptions of the setting to create a more vivid atmosphere that complements the emotional tone of the scene.



Scene 29 - Morning Discontent at Emilia's Villa
EXT. EMILIA’S VILLA - DAY

The sun has risen. The weather is fine. Hoses chug-a-lug,
watering the grounds.


EXT. EMILIA’S VILLA - DAY

Three maids in uniforms prepare another breakfast while
chatting.


On the big table of the kitchen, the children take their
breakfast under the eyes of Emilia. They have their noses in the
bowls of cereals; they eat in silence trying to avoid eye
contact with Emilia.

EMILIA
¿Qué pasa? ¿No les gusta?
What's wrong? You don't like it?

Silence.

EMILIA (CONT’D)
¿Quieren otra cosa?
Do you want something else?

They shake their heads "no".

EMILIA (CONT’D)
¿No me quieren hablar?
Won't you talk to me?

DIEGO
¿De veras vamos a ir a la escuela?
Are we really going to school?

EMILIA
Sí… Los padres trabajan y los niños
van a la escuela.
Yes... Parents work and children go to school.

DIEGO
Mamá no trabaja.
Mom doesn't work.


ÁNGEL
¿Iremos a la escuela aquí?
Are we going to school here?

EMILIA
Sí.
Yes.

ÁNGEL
(comenzando a indisponerse) Pensé
que estábamos aquí de vacaciones y
nada más…
(Starting to feel uneasy) I thought we were here on
vacation and no more...

EMILIA
Las vacaciones eran en Suiza, aquí
es el regreso a clases…
The vacations were in Switzerland, here is the return to
school...

ÁNGEL
¡No quiero ir a la escuela aquí!
I don't want to go to school here!

DIEGO
¡Yo tampoco!
Me neither!

ÁNGEL
Es fea y huele mal...
It's ugly and smells bad...

EMILIA
Sale, no quieres ir a la escuela…
Okay, you don't want to go to school...

DIEGO
¡Ni yo!
Neither do I!

EMILIA
Bueno, no quieren ir a la escuela,
es fea y apesta… ¿entonces qué
quieren hacer?
Well, you don't want to go to school, it's ugly and it
stinks... So what do you want to do?

DIEGO
¿Nos podemos quedar con mamá?
Can we stay with mom?

ÁNGEL
Yo quiero esquiar.
I want to ski.


EMILIA
¿Qué?
What?

ÁNGEL
¡Quiero esquiar en la nieve!
I want to ski in the snow!

DIEGO
¡Yo también!
Me too!

EMILIA
(Entre los dientes) Híjole, va a
estar carbón.
(A la criada) Llévale el desayuno a
la señora Jessi.
(Between her teeth) Oh boy, it's going to be hard.
(To the maid) Bring breakfast to Mrs. Jessi.

A maid goes out with a tray.

EMILIA (OFF) (CONT’D)
¿En qué íbamos?
Where were we?


INT. EMILIA’S VILLA - DAY

A maid carries a tray upstairs. She walks down the corridor.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In the sunny kitchen of Emilia's villa, three maids prepare breakfast while Emilia tries to engage her reluctant children, Diego and Ángel, who express their discontent about going to school. The children believe they are on vacation and would rather ski than attend school, leading to a mix of understanding and frustration from Emilia. Despite her efforts to connect, the children's resistance remains, culminating in Emilia instructing a maid to bring breakfast to Mrs. Jessi, shifting the focus away from the children's complaints.
Strengths
  • Tension in the breakfast conversation
  • Insight into family dynamics
  • Emotional dynamics between characters
Weaknesses
  • Lack of significant character changes
  • Limited plot progression
  • Moderate emotional impact

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 7.5

The scene effectively conveys tension and emotion through the breakfast conversation, providing insight into the characters' dynamics and conflicts. However, the scene could benefit from more depth in character development and plot progression.


Story Content

Concept: 7

The concept of exploring family dynamics and conflicts during a breakfast conversation is engaging. However, the scene could benefit from more depth in character interactions and plot development to elevate the concept further.

Plot: 7

The plot revolves around the children's reluctance to attend school and Emilia's efforts to connect with them, providing insight into their family dynamics. However, the plot could be more engaging with additional layers of conflict and development.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on family dynamics and education, exploring themes of control, freedom, and communication in a unique setting. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and relatable, adding to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 7.5

The scene effectively portrays the characters' emotions and conflicts, particularly highlighting the children's resistance and Emilia's attempts to bridge the gap. More depth in character development could enhance the overall impact of the scene.

Character Changes: 6

The scene does not feature significant character changes, as the focus is primarily on showcasing the existing dynamics and conflicts between the characters. More pronounced character development could enhance the scene's depth.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to connect with the children and understand their feelings and desires. This reflects Emilia's need for validation and acceptance from her family, as well as her fear of being rejected or misunderstood.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to maintain control and authority over the children, ensuring they attend school and follow the established routine. This reflects the immediate challenge of balancing discipline with empathy and understanding.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The scene contains a moderate level of conflict, primarily revolving around the children's reluctance to attend school and Emilia's attempts to connect with them. Additional layers of conflict could enhance the scene's intensity.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting desires, power struggles, and unresolved tensions creating obstacles for the characters to overcome.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes in the scene are moderate, primarily revolving around the children's resistance to attending school and Emilia's efforts to bridge the gap. Heightened stakes could increase the scene's intensity and impact.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by providing insight into the family dynamics and conflicts, particularly through the children's reluctance to attend school and Emilia's attempts to connect with them. More significant plot progression could enhance the scene's impact.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting power dynamics, conflicting desires, and unresolved tensions between the characters.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the value of education and routine versus personal freedom and leisure. Emilia represents the former, while the children embody the latter, challenging her beliefs and values.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a moderate level of emotional impact, particularly through the children's resistance and Emilia's efforts to bridge the gap. More depth in emotional exploration could heighten the scene's impact.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the tension and emotional dynamics between the characters, especially during the breakfast conversation. However, more impactful dialogue could elevate the scene's intensity and depth.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the emotional intensity, relatable conflicts, and dynamic character interactions that keep the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, maintaining a steady rhythm that keeps the audience engaged and invested in the characters' emotional journey.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene adheres to the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings, dialogue formatting, and action descriptions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with distinct beats and character interactions, effectively conveying the conflicts and tensions within the family dynamic.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes a domestic atmosphere, showcasing the children's reluctance to adapt to their new environment. However, the dialogue could benefit from more emotional depth. The children's responses feel somewhat flat and could be enhanced with more vivid expressions of their feelings about the situation.
  • Emilia's character comes across as caring but somewhat disconnected from her children's emotional state. While she tries to engage them, her responses could reflect more of her own internal conflict about their situation, which would add layers to her character and make the scene more engaging.
  • The repetition of the children's complaints about school and their desire to ski is effective in conveying their discontent, but it risks becoming monotonous. Introducing a moment of levity or a different perspective could break the tension and provide a more dynamic interaction.
  • The transition between the children's complaints and Emilia's response feels abrupt. A smoother flow could be achieved by incorporating Emilia's thoughts or feelings about their complaints before she responds, which would create a more natural dialogue.
  • The use of Spanish adds authenticity to the scene, but it may alienate non-Spanish-speaking audiences. Consider providing subtitles or context clues to ensure that all viewers can grasp the emotional weight of the dialogue.
Suggestions
  • Enhance the emotional depth of the children's dialogue by incorporating more descriptive language that reflects their feelings about leaving Switzerland and starting school in Mexico.
  • Allow Emilia to express her own feelings about the situation more explicitly. This could be done through internal monologue or more reflective dialogue that reveals her concerns about her children's adjustment.
  • Introduce a moment of humor or lightness to balance the tension in the scene. Perhaps a playful exchange between the children or a humorous comment from Emilia could provide relief and make the scene more engaging.
  • Create smoother transitions in the dialogue by having Emilia react to the children's complaints with her own thoughts or memories, which would help to build a more cohesive conversation.
  • Consider adding visual elements that reflect the children's emotional state, such as their body language or facial expressions, to enhance the scene's impact and make it more relatable to the audience.



Scene 30 - Haunted Melodies
INT. VILLA JESSI’S ROOM - DAY

In CU in the dark: a goose feather from the duvet quivers in
time with sleeping Jessi’s breathing.

Knocks at the door. It opens. The maid places the tray on a
table and goes to draw the curtains.

JESSI
Nooo!

The maid leaves.

Start 3M20 BIENVENIDA / Jessi

Still burrowing in her pillows, Jessi sings softly.

JESSI (CONT’D)
Bienvenida
a tu país amado
Bonita
a tu lujosa cárcel
Primita
(MORE)
JESSI (CONT’D)
donde todo es caro
Encantada
Y gracias a la familia
Bienvenida
Welcome
To your beloved country
My darling
To your luxury prison
My cousin
Where everything is worth a fortune
Welcome
And thanks to the family
Welcome

She sits up. Discovers a dark and empty space instead of her
room. In the dark, in the middle of the space, ghost-like
silhouettes thrash about. Let us call them “Jessi’s Dark
Thoughts”. The Dark Thoughts’ perfectly synchronized movements
are both frenzied and mechanical. Their choreography exists in
total contrast to Jessi’s song.

JESSI (CONT’D)
Bienvenida
sé amable, saluda
Querida
a tu tía
matrona Emilia
a las nuevas custodias
Primita
de tu jaula dorada
Welcome
Be polite, say hello
My darling
To your warden aunt
Emilia
And to the new guards
My cousin
Of your gilded prison

Jessi stands up. She sees a line on the floor, as straight as a
laser beam, separating her from the Dark Thoughts.

She carefully steps on the borderline, provoking a crescendo of
the brute music. She pulls back her foot. Tries again... to the
same effect.

JESSI (CONT’D)
Bienvenida
A tu trampa de hadas
Querida
de tu vida de sueños
Bonita
y en el tendedero
Pequeña
el dinero lavado
Welcome
To your fairy trap
My darling
Of your dream-life

My pretty
And look at the clothesline,
My child,
The laundered money drying

Querida
siente el aire corrupto
Primita
de tu vida de sueños
Bonita
y en el tendedero
Pequeña
el dinero lavado
My darling,
Breathe in the tainted air
My cousin
Of your dream-life
My pretty,
And look at the clothesline,
My child,
The laundered money drying

¡Bienvenida!
ve tus joyas esposas, tus collares cadenas
Welcome!
Look at your handcuff jewelry, your padlock necklaces

Primita
te sentirás tan cómoda
¡Tonta!
que nunca te fugarás
Cousin,
you’ll feel so good in all this comfort
Stupid!
So good that you’ll never run away!

Jessi leaps over the bright line to join the Dark Thoughts in
their frenzied dance.

JESSI (CONT’D)
Obedecí a mi muerto
en Suiza.
Yo cuidé a los niños
¡Basta!
Yo lloré a chorros.
¡Tonta!
Me ocupé todo.
I obeyed my dead man in Switzerland.
I took care of the children. Enough! I cried my eyes out.
You fool!
I took care of everything.


Bienvenida
Para servirle a usted
¡Me caga!
Ahora no me chinguen!
Primita
Brincaré la pared
(MORE)
JESSI (CONT’D)
Querida
Extinguiré mi sed
Bienvenida
Welcome
At your service
Fuck you!
Now don't fuck with me!
Dear Cousin
I'll jump over the wall Dear
I'll quench my thirst
Welcome


Back to the point of departure: Jessi lands on her bed with her
arms crossed, as if dropping from the ceiling.

End of 3M20 Bienvenida

Later...

Her forehead pressed against the window, Jessi blows smoke
rings. She looks pensive. At times her lips seem to form words.

Suddenly, like a flash: we are in a car and a billboard for a
real estate company passes over us. In the picture, a photo of a
handsome smiling guy with a name: GUSTAVO BRUN.


CUT TO:

Jessi on the phone. She’s leaving a voicemail.

JESSI (CONT’D)
No sé si esté llamando al número de
Gustavo Brun… Soy Jessi… si este
es tu número Gustavo, quería
decirte que la abogada esa, Rita
Mora… pues… la abogada me llamó
para decirme que ya podía regresar,
que ya no había peligro de que me
fueran a disparar bajándome del
avión… Y yo… yo le dije que México
me venía valiendo madres… Pero, voy
al grano, Gustavo: tú eres
la única persona por quien
volvería… hasta me duele la pinche
vulva nada más de acordarme de ti…
I don’t know if this is Gustavo Brun’s number… It’s Jessi
calling… If this is your number, Gustavo, I wanted to
tell you that the lawyer, Rita Mora… She called me to
tell me I could come back, that I no longer risk being
shot as I step off the plane… I… I told her I didn’t give
a fuck about Mexico… But, I'll cut to the chase, Gustavo:
you’re the only person I would go back for... My pussy
still hurts when I think of you…


Fade to black over Jessi’s face.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In a dark room, Jessi awakens to a maid's presence and begins to sing a haunting welcome song, confronting her 'Dark Thoughts'—ghostly figures that embody her inner turmoil. As she navigates a line on the floor, she expresses her feelings of entrapment and frustration with her life. Jessi leaps into the chaos of her thoughts, reflecting on her past and current struggles. The scene culminates with her blowing smoke rings and making a conflicted phone call to Gustavo Brun, revealing her emotional connection to him and her uncertainty about returning to Mexico.
Strengths
  • Powerful emotional impact
  • Unique use of music and dance
  • Deep exploration of character
Weaknesses
  • Limited dialogue
  • Lack of direct plot progression

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene is well-crafted, with a strong emotional impact and a unique approach to showcasing Jessi's internal struggles. The combination of music, dance, and visual elements creates a compelling and intense atmosphere.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of using a song and dance to explore Jessi's inner struggles is innovative and effective. The scene effectively conveys her emotional state and adds layers to her character.

Plot: 7.5

While the scene doesn't directly advance the main plot, it delves deep into Jessi's character development and inner conflict, adding depth to the overall story.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh and unconventional approach to depicting internal conflict and emotional turmoil. The authenticity of Jessi's actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The scene focuses heavily on Jessi's character, showcasing her emotional journey and inner turmoil. The interactions with her dark thoughts add complexity to her personality.

Character Changes: 8

Jessi undergoes a significant emotional journey in the scene, confronting her past, her present circumstances, and her future with a mix of sadness and defiance.

Internal Goal: 8

Jessi's internal goal is to come to terms with her past actions and emotions, as well as to reconcile her feelings towards returning to Mexico and facing her past.

External Goal: 7

Jessi's external goal is to reach out to Gustavo Brun and express her conflicted feelings about returning to Mexico for him.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, as Jessi grapples with her past, her present situation, and her uncertain future.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is subtle but effective, adding layers of conflict and tension to Jessi's internal and external struggles.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are high for Jessi as she grapples with her past, her present situation, and her future, adding tension and emotional depth to the scene.

Story Forward: 7

While the scene doesn't directly move the main plot forward, it deepens the audience's understanding of Jessi's character and sets the stage for future developments.

Unpredictability: 8

The scene is unpredictable in its emotional twists and turns, keeping the audience engaged and invested in Jessi's journey.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the themes of identity, freedom, and personal agency. Jessi grapples with the idea of returning to a place that represents both comfort and confinement.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking feelings of sadness, resignation, and defiance through Jessi's performance and the dark, intense atmosphere.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is minimal but impactful, with Jessi's song conveying her emotions and inner thoughts effectively.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its emotional intensity, vivid imagery, and the protagonist's internal conflict.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotional resonance, enhancing the overall impact of Jessi's internal struggles.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene effectively conveys the visual and emotional elements of the setting and characters.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a non-linear structure that enhances the emotional impact and thematic depth of the narrative.


Critique
  • The scene effectively uses a blend of surrealism and dark humor to convey Jessi's internal struggles, which is a strong artistic choice. The contrast between her soft singing and the chaotic movements of her 'Dark Thoughts' creates a compelling visual and emotional dichotomy.
  • The lyrics of Jessi's song are rich with metaphor and symbolism, effectively illustrating her feelings of entrapment and disillusionment. However, the translation may lose some of the lyrical quality and emotional weight, which could be addressed by refining the English version to maintain the poetic essence.
  • The choreography of the 'Dark Thoughts' is a creative way to externalize Jessi's internal conflict, but it may benefit from clearer direction. The synchronization and mechanical nature of their movements could be more explicitly tied to Jessi's emotional state to enhance the audience's understanding of her turmoil.
  • The scene's pacing is generally effective, but the transition from Jessi's song to her more aggressive expressions of frustration could be smoother. The abrupt shifts in tone may confuse the audience, so a more gradual escalation of her emotions could enhance the impact.
  • Jessi's dialogue is raw and authentic, capturing her frustration and vulnerability. However, some lines may come off as overly expository, particularly when she directly addresses her feelings about returning to Mexico and her past. Subtlety in her expressions could create a more nuanced portrayal of her character.
Suggestions
  • Consider refining the English translation of Jessi's song to better capture the lyrical quality and emotional depth of the original Spanish. This could involve working with a lyricist or poet to ensure the essence is preserved.
  • Enhance the choreography of the 'Dark Thoughts' by incorporating more varied movements that reflect Jessi's emotional journey. This could include moments of stillness or chaos that mirror her internal conflict more closely.
  • Smooth out the transitions between Jessi's singing and her more aggressive expressions of frustration. This could involve adding a moment of reflection or hesitation before she leaps into the fray of her Dark Thoughts.
  • Explore the use of visual metaphors or imagery that could further illustrate Jessi's feelings of entrapment and desire for freedom. This could include symbolic objects in her room or changes in lighting that reflect her emotional state.
  • Consider adding a moment of connection or interaction with the maid, even if brief, to ground Jessi's emotional turmoil in her reality. This could provide a contrast to her internal chaos and deepen the audience's understanding of her situation.



Scene 31 - Market Encounters: A Shift from Joy to Sorrow
EXT. STREET - DAY

A busy street. A market. The same taqueria as earlier. Rita
speaks with the owner and her daughter. They recognize each
other. The atmosphere is friendly. The owner calls the
surrounding shop owners to come say hello to Rita. Emilia
smiles, watching. Her bodyguard hangs back, discreet but
dissuasive.

Rita leaves apologetically with a bag of tortillas and tacos.

She offers some to Emilia who refuses, mimicking horror.

EMILIA
¡Cómo crees! ¡Diez minutos en la
boca y diez años en la lonja!
How dare you! Ten minutes in the lips, ten years in the
hips!

…/…

Emilia passes her arm under Rita's.

EMILIA (CONT’D)
¡Tengo una idea! ¿Y si te pago?
I have an idea! What if I pay you?

RITA
¿Para qué?
What for?

EMILIA
Para que te quedes.
For you to stay.

RITA
¿Y qué hago acá?
And what do I do here?

EMILIA
Nada, sólo estar.
Nothing, just hanging around.

Rita looks at Emilia, who mimics De Niro.

RITA
Es muy amable, pero no.
It's very kind, but no.

EMILIA
Mujer… por lo menos intenté.

At least I gave it a try.

A woman sings in the middle of the commotion. We see a woman
distributing flyers to the indifferent crowd. Rita looks at a
flyer. A photocopy, like a wanted poster: a young man's face,
a place, a date.

RITA
¿Quién es?
Who is he?

WOMAN IN BLACK
Octavio, mi hijo mayor, tenía
veinte años. Desapareció en el
2013, el 18 de noviembre en el
estado de Michoacán.
Octavio, my eldest son. He was 20. He disappeared on
November 18th, 2013 in Michoacán.

RITA
¿Para quién trabajaba su hijo?
¿Para una banda? ¿Para un cártel?
Who was your son working for? A gang? A cartel?

WOMAN IN BLACK
No, señora, él era estudiante.
Desapareció durante un viaje al
sur. Quería ser maestro de
primaria.
No, ma’am. He was just a student. He disappeared on a
trip down south. He wanted to be a teacher.

RITA
Lo siento mucho.
I’m so sorry.

Rita takes the photo. Emilia, beside her, says nothing.

The woman’s presence makes her feel awkward. She hails her
driver/bodyguard.

EMILIA
Ve a buscar el carro, te esperamos
allá.
Get the car, we’ll be waiting over there.

RITA
(en voz baja)¿No piensas de vez en
cuando en lo que hizo Manitas… en
todas sus barbaridades…?
(in a low voice) Do you ever think about what Manitas
did… all the horror?

Emilia’s face darkens.


EMILIA
Ya no sé quién es Manitas.(después
de cierto tiempo) Obvio que pienso
en eso, ¡cómo no!
I don't know who Manitas is anymore. (after some time) Of
course I think about it, of course!

A beat.

EMILIA (CONT’D)
Pásame la foto del estudiante.
Give me the student's photo.

Rita hands her the flyer. Emilia looks at it for a beat.

RITA
¿Qué te pasa?
What's wrong with you?

EMILIA
Ay no sé… (levantando la cabeza)
Puta madre, me estoy asfixiando,
aquí apesta a muerte. ¿Dónde está
el chofer?
I don’t know… (looking up) I’m suffocating. It reeks of
death here. Where is the driver?
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In a bustling street market, Rita shares a warm moment with a taqueria owner and her daughter, but the atmosphere darkens when they meet a woman distributing flyers for her missing son, Octavio. Rita learns about the boy's tragic disappearance, evoking sympathy, while Emilia becomes increasingly uncomfortable, hinting at her own troubled past. The scene contrasts the earlier light-heartedness with the heavy reality of loss, leaving Emilia feeling suffocated by the surrounding sorrow.
Strengths
  • Strong character development
  • Emotional depth
  • Compelling dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Limited external action
  • Lack of physical tension

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys a sense of unease and emotional depth through the interaction between Rita, Emilia, and the grieving mother. The dialogue is impactful, and the themes of the scene are well-developed.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene, focusing on guilt, loss, and moral ambiguity, is well-executed and adds depth to the overall narrative. The encounter with the grieving mother adds layers to the characters' motivations and conflicts.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene revolves around the chance encounter with the grieving mother, which serves to deepen the characters' arcs and introduce new conflicts. It moves the story forward while adding emotional weight.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to exploring themes of empathy, cultural differences, and personal values. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and original, adding depth to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters in the scene are complex and multi-dimensional, each grappling with their own internal struggles and moral dilemmas. Their interactions reveal layers of depth and add richness to the narrative.

Character Changes: 8

The characters undergo subtle changes in their perspectives and emotions throughout the scene, particularly Emilia, who confronts her own feelings of guilt and unease. The encounter with the grieving mother prompts introspection and growth.

Internal Goal: 8

Rita's internal goal is to maintain her independence and not be swayed by Emilia's attempts to pay her to stay. This reflects Rita's desire for autonomy and self-sufficiency.

External Goal: 7.5

Rita's external goal is to navigate the situation with Emilia and the woman in black, showing empathy and understanding. This reflects the immediate challenge of dealing with emotional situations.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The scene is filled with internal and external conflicts, from the characters' moral dilemmas to the grieving mother's search for answers. The tension is palpable, adding depth to the interactions.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting values and emotional tensions driving the characters' interactions. The audience is kept on edge by the uncertainty of how the conflicts will be resolved.

High Stakes: 7

While the stakes are not explicitly high in this scene, the emotional and moral stakes are significant for the characters involved. The encounter with the grieving mother raises questions of responsibility and consequences.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing new conflicts and deepening the characters' arcs. It sets the stage for further developments and adds emotional weight to the narrative.

Unpredictability: 7.5

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected emotional turns and revelations that challenge the characters' beliefs and values.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between Rita's sense of duty and empathy towards the woman in black and Emilia's detachment and self-centeredness. This challenges Rita's values of compassion and understanding.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes a strong emotional response from the audience, delving into themes of loss and guilt with sensitivity and depth. The characters' struggles resonate, creating a poignant and memorable moment.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene is poignant, revealing the characters' emotions and inner turmoil. It drives the narrative forward while exploring themes of loss and guilt with nuance and depth.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the emotional depth of the characters, the cultural richness of the setting, and the philosophical conflicts that drive the narrative forward.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotional resonance, allowing the audience to connect with the characters' struggles and dilemmas.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character dialogue. The formatting enhances the readability and flow of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a coherent structure that effectively develops the characters' relationships and conflicts. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the scene's effectiveness.


Critique
  • The scene effectively juxtaposes the warmth of Rita's interactions with the taqueria owner and her daughter against the somber reality of the missing person flyer. This contrast highlights the duality of life in Mexico, where joy and tragedy coexist, which is a strong thematic element.
  • Emilia's humorous refusal of the food adds a light-hearted moment that serves to deepen her character, showcasing her personality and relationship with Rita. However, the humor could be enhanced by incorporating more playful banter between the two characters, which would further establish their camaraderie.
  • The introduction of the woman distributing flyers serves as a poignant reminder of the ongoing violence and loss in the community. However, the transition from the light-hearted conversation to the serious topic of the missing son feels abrupt. A smoother transition could help maintain the scene's flow and emotional impact.
  • Rita's inquiry about the missing son and the subsequent dialogue with the woman in black is powerful, but it could benefit from more emotional depth. The dialogue feels somewhat clinical; adding more emotional weight to Rita's responses could enhance the audience's connection to the characters' plight.
  • Emilia's reaction to the flyer and her subsequent feelings of suffocation effectively convey her internal conflict regarding her past with Manitas. However, the dialogue could be more nuanced to reflect her complex emotions. Instead of stating she doesn't know who Manitas is anymore, she could express a more conflicted sentiment, revealing her struggle with her identity and past actions.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more playful dialogue between Rita and Emilia to enhance their friendship and provide a stronger contrast to the serious themes introduced later in the scene.
  • Smooth the transition between the light-hearted banter and the serious topic of the missing son by incorporating a moment of reflection or a shared glance that signals the shift in tone.
  • Deepen the emotional impact of the dialogue regarding the missing son by allowing Rita to express her own feelings about loss or guilt, making her connection to the woman in black more personal.
  • Revise Emilia's dialogue to reflect a more complex emotional state regarding her past with Manitas, perhaps by using metaphors or imagery that convey her feelings of confusion and regret.
  • Consider using visual elements, such as close-ups on the flyer or Emilia's facial expressions, to emphasize the emotional weight of the moment and enhance the audience's connection to the characters' experiences.



Scene 32 - Whispers of Memory
INT. EMILIA’S VILLA - NIGHT

Emilia is home late. Exhausted.

She drops the photo of the young desaparecido on a table and
goes to the stairs.

We linger on the photo.


INT. EMILIA’S VILLA - NIGHT

She looks into the children’s room. She is about to turn a light
off when:

ÁNGEL
Tía Emi?
Aunt Emi?

EMILIA
Sí, mi amor. Duérmete.
Yes, honey. Go to sleep now.

ÁNGEL
No, no puedo.
No, I can't.

Emilia, on the side of his bed, strokes his hair.


EMILIA
Cierra los ojos.
Close your eyes.

He closes his eyes. She leans over and kisses him. He hugs onto
her. She can feel him breathing her in.

EMILIA (CONT’D)
¿Qué haces?
What are you doing?

ÁNGEL
Hueles como mi papá.
You smell like Daddy.

Start 4M24 PAPA - Ángel/Emilia duet

She shrinks back from her child.

EMILIA
… ¿por qué, no huelo bien?
... Why, don't I smell good?

ÁNGEL
No, a mí me gusta.
No, I like it.

Emilia tries to hold back her tears.

EMILIA
¿Te acuerdas de él?
Do you remember him?

The boy nods.

ÁNGEL
Papá papá papá papá
Hueles como papá
Papá papá papá papá
Daddy, daddy, daddy, daddy
You smell like daddy
Daddy, daddy, daddy, daddy

Hueles como papá
Hueles a las montañas
A cuero y café
Hueles a la comida
Picante picante
Hueles a azúcar
Al cordero en el fuego
Al olor del motor
You smell like daddy

You smell like dad
You smell like the mountains
You smell like leather and coffee
You smell like spicy food,
spicy, spicy
You smell like sugar
You smell like grilled lamb
You smell like the motor

Hueles también a Coca
Cola
Light
Con limón
Hielo
Y sudor
Hueles como papá
You also smell of Coca
Cola
Light
With lemon
Ice
And sweat
You smell like daddy

EMILIA
mm… ¿prefieres que me ponga perfume?
Mmm… do you prefer me to wear perfume?

ÁNGEL
Tía… me gusta tu olor pero no me gusta el
perfume que te pones
Auntie... I like your smell but I don't like the perfume
you wear on top.

EMILIA
¿Hasta el que huele a rosas?
Even the one that smells of roses?

Olía a piedrecitas
Calientes por el sol
Olía a yerbabuena
A mezcal y guacamole
Olía a los perros
En los viajes en carro
Olía a cigarro cuando nos abrazó
La última vez
La última vez
La última vez
La última vez

Daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy
You smell like daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy
He smelled like pebbles
hot from the sun
He smelled of mint
mezcal and guacamole
He smelled of dogs
on car rides
He smelled of cigar when he hugged us
for the last time
For the last time
The last time
The last time
The last time

Papá papá papá papá
Daddy, daddy, daddy, daddy…

EMILIA (CONT’D)
Cierra los ojos… shh
Close your eyes… shhhh…

ÁNGEL
Papá papá papá papá
Papa papa papa papa

Emilia smiles and hugs him tight to hide her emotion. Like in
the desert long ago, they lie side by side and look at the
stars. Smiling.

End of 4M24 Papa

79/80 OUT
Genres: ["Drama","Family"]

Summary Late at night, Emilia returns home exhausted and drops a photo of a desaparecido on the table. She checks on her nephew, Ángel, who is struggling to sleep and notes that she smells like his father. This sparks a tender conversation about scents that remind him of his dad, leading to a heartfelt duet filled with nostalgia. As they share memories, Emilia comforts Ángel, and they find solace in each other's presence. The scene concludes with them lying side by side, looking at the stars, embracing a bittersweet moment of peace amidst their grief.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Nostalgic tone
Weaknesses
  • Limited plot progression
  • Minimal external conflict

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene is poignant, emotionally resonant, and beautifully crafted, evoking a strong sense of nostalgia and longing. The use of smell as a trigger for memories is a unique and powerful storytelling device.


Story Content

Concept: 9.5

The concept of using smell as a trigger for memories and emotions is innovative and adds a layer of depth to the scene, enhancing the audience's understanding of the characters and their past.

Plot: 8.5

While the scene doesn't significantly advance the plot, it serves as a crucial moment of character development and emotional exploration, deepening the audience's connection to the story.

Originality: 9

The scene is original in its exploration of memory and scent as a powerful emotional trigger, as well as in its portrayal of the complex dynamics of grief and family relationships. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The scene focuses on the emotional journey of Emilia and Ángel, allowing for a nuanced exploration of their relationship and the impact of loss on their lives.

Character Changes: 9

The scene showcases the emotional growth and vulnerability of Emilia as she navigates her memories and grief, deepening her connection with Ángel and exploring the impact of loss on their relationship.

Internal Goal: 9

Emilia's internal goal in this scene is to connect with Ángel and comfort him, while also dealing with her own emotions about his father's absence. This reflects her deeper need for emotional connection and her fear of not being able to fill the void left by Ángel's father.

External Goal: 7

Emilia's external goal is to maintain a sense of normalcy and comfort for Ángel despite the emotional turmoil they both feel. This reflects the immediate challenge of dealing with Ángel's emotions and memories of his father.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 3

The scene is more focused on emotional exploration and character development than on external conflict, emphasizing the internal struggles and relationships of the characters.

Opposition: 6

The opposition in the scene is subtle but impactful, as Emilia and Ángel navigate their conflicting emotions and memories, creating a sense of tension and uncertainty in their relationship.

High Stakes: 4

The stakes in the scene are more internal and emotional, focusing on the characters' personal struggles and relationships rather than external threats or conflicts.

Story Forward: 7

While the scene doesn't significantly move the plot forward, it enriches the audience's understanding of the characters and their emotional journey, setting the stage for future developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable in its emotional twists and turns, as the characters navigate their complex feelings and memories, keeping the audience engaged and invested in their journey.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the idea of memory and scent, as Ángel associates Emilia's smell with his father's memory. This challenges Emilia's beliefs about her role in Ángel's life and the impact of his father's absence.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9.5

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking feelings of sadness, nostalgia, and affection through the poignant interactions between Emilia and Ángel.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is minimal but impactful, conveying the emotional depth of the characters and their shared memories through simple yet poignant exchanges.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its emotional depth, intimate character interactions, and sensory descriptions that draw the audience into the characters' world and emotions.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotion, with a gradual progression of dialogue and actions that enhance the characters' internal conflicts and resolutions.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character dialogue that enhance the emotional impact of the scene.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene effectively conveys the emotional journey of the characters, with a gradual build-up of tension and resolution. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the scene's effectiveness in conveying the characters' internal struggles.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures a poignant moment between Emilia and her nephew, Ángel, using sensory details to evoke memories of his father. The dialogue is heartfelt and relatable, showcasing the bond between them. However, the transition from the previous scene's heavy atmosphere of death to this intimate moment feels abrupt. The emotional weight of the previous scene could be better integrated into this one to create a smoother narrative flow.
  • The use of music in the duet adds a lyrical quality to the scene, enhancing the emotional resonance. However, the lyrics could be more tightly woven into the dialogue to ensure they feel like a natural extension of the conversation rather than a separate element. This would help maintain the scene's emotional continuity and prevent the song from feeling like an interruption.
  • Emilia's emotional struggle is palpable, particularly when she tries to hold back tears. This internal conflict could be further emphasized through her physical reactions or thoughts, allowing the audience to connect more deeply with her pain. For instance, showing her hesitating before responding to Ángel or having a brief flashback could enhance the emotional stakes.
  • The dialogue is primarily in Spanish, which adds authenticity but may alienate non-Spanish-speaking audiences. Consider incorporating more context or translations within the scene to ensure that the emotional impact is accessible to all viewers. This could be done through visual cues or brief translations that maintain the scene's integrity.
  • The scene's pacing is generally effective, but it could benefit from a more deliberate build-up to the emotional climax. Allowing for moments of silence or hesitation before the song begins could heighten the tension and make the eventual release of emotion more impactful.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of reflection for Emilia before she enters the children's room, allowing her to process the heaviness of the previous scene and set the emotional tone for her interaction with Ángel.
  • Integrate the song lyrics more seamlessly into the dialogue, perhaps by having Ángel's lines flow naturally from their conversation about smells, making the transition into song feel more organic.
  • Enhance Emilia's internal conflict by including subtle physical cues, such as trembling hands or a quivering voice, to convey her emotional state more vividly.
  • Provide context for the Spanish dialogue through visual elements or brief translations, ensuring that the emotional depth is accessible to a wider audience without losing authenticity.
  • Experiment with the pacing by incorporating pauses or moments of silence before the song begins, allowing the audience to fully absorb the emotional weight of the scene before the release through music.



Scene 33 - Confessions in the Shadows
EXT. CENTRAL PRISON - DAY

The camera sweeps over an inscription on a wall, or the letters
scroll by: P-R-I-S-O-N

A man in clerical garb watches the car arrive. He waves.

Emilia’s car parks alongside him.

When the CHAPLAIN gets in the front seat, the driver/bodyguard
steps out to let him speak with Emilia. On the wall behind we
read in big letters: CENTRAL PRISON.

We see a mute discussion take place behind the closed windows.


INT. CENTRAL PRISON/CONFESSIONAL - DAY

A few religious symbols suggest a kind of parlor-confessional.
Lurid neon lighting. The din of a televised soccer game echoes
deep inside the prison.


The chaplain sits and waits, staring at his hands. After a beat,
a guard armed like Pancho Villa brings in a prisoner. A skinny
sicario, EL FLACO, sits across from the chaplain.

…/…

El Flaco confesses while staring at the photo of the young man:

EL FLACO
…no, ni madres, no reconozco su
cara… Chance y fue la vez que les
chingamos unos rehenes a los
Tiburones… se puso fea la cosa y
tuvimos que deshacernos de ellos en
la ciudad…
His face means nothing to me… Maybe it was the time we
stole hostages from the Tiburones… Things didn’t go well,
we had to dispose of them in town…

PRIEST
¿En dónde?
Where?

EL FLACO
En la antigua refinería de Ciudad
Juárez.
At the old Ciudad Juarez refinery.

The priest slips him a wad of dollars.
Genres: ["Crime","Drama"]

Summary Emilia arrives at Central Prison, where she meets the chaplain before he enters a confessional area to speak with El Flaco, a skinny sicario. Amidst the contrasting religious symbols and neon lights, El Flaco denies recognizing a photo of a young man and recounts a violent incident involving hostages from a rival gang, the Tiburones. The chaplain, seeking information, learns the incident occurred at the old Ciudad Juarez refinery. The scene culminates with the chaplain discreetly slipping El Flaco a wad of dollars, highlighting their transactional relationship.
Strengths
  • Tension-building
  • Character development
  • Plot advancement
Weaknesses
  • Limited visual description
  • Lack of external action

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively creates a tense and suspenseful atmosphere through the interaction between the sicario and the priest, with the confession adding depth to the character dynamics and plot development.


Story Content

Concept: 8.5

The concept of a confession in a prison setting adds depth to the characters and plot, highlighting the moral complexities and inner turmoil of the sicario.

Plot: 8

The plot is advanced through the revelation of the sicario's past actions and the implications for the characters involved, setting the stage for further developments in the story.

Originality: 8

The scene presents a fresh approach to the prison setting, focusing on the moral dilemmas faced by the chaplain and the criminal elements within the prison. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of the sicario and the priest are well-developed in this scene, with their interactions revealing layers of guilt, fear, and suspicion that drive the narrative forward.

Character Changes: 9

The confession leads to a significant change in the sicario's character, as he grapples with his past actions and seeks redemption through confession.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to navigate the moral complexities of his role as a chaplain in a prison setting, grappling with issues of forgiveness, redemption, and personal ethics.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to gather information from the prisoner about a criminal incident, potentially to aid in solving a case or providing closure to victims.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8.5

The conflict between the sicario's past actions and his attempt at redemption through confession creates a compelling dynamic that drives the scene forward.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the conflicting values and motivations of the characters creating a sense of uncertainty and tension.

High Stakes: 9

The high stakes of the confession, including potential consequences for the characters involved, add tension and urgency to the scene.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by revealing crucial information about the sicario's past actions and motivations, setting the stage for further developments in the narrative.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in the dialogue and the moral complexities faced by the characters, keeping the audience guessing about the outcome.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the clash between morality and criminality, as the chaplain must reconcile his religious beliefs with the actions of the prisoner. This challenges the protagonist's values and worldview, forcing him to confront the complexities of human nature and forgiveness.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes emotions of guilt, fear, and suspense, drawing the audience into the moral dilemmas faced by the characters.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the tension and emotional weight of the confession, adding depth to the characters and their motivations.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its tense atmosphere, moral dilemmas, and gritty dialogue, keeping the audience on edge and invested in the characters' fates.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the outcome of the interaction between the characters.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, effectively conveying the setting and atmosphere through visual and descriptive elements.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, following the expected format for a dramatic and intense interaction between characters.


Critique
  • The opening shot effectively sets the tone and location, but the transition from the exterior to the interior of the prison could be more fluid. Consider using a visual or auditory cue that connects the two spaces, such as the sound of the soccer game bleeding into the outside world as the camera moves inside.
  • The dialogue between El Flaco and the priest is intriguing, but it lacks emotional weight. El Flaco's confession feels somewhat detached. Adding more internal conflict or hesitation in his tone could enhance the tension and make the audience feel the gravity of his past actions.
  • The use of lurid neon lighting in the confessional area is a strong visual choice, but it could be further emphasized in the script. Describing how the lighting affects the characters' expressions or the atmosphere could deepen the reader's understanding of the scene's mood.
  • The scene's pacing feels uneven. The initial setup is slow, and while the dialogue picks up, it could benefit from a more dynamic rhythm. Consider interspersing brief moments of silence or reactions from the chaplain to create a more engaging back-and-forth.
  • The priest's action of slipping El Flaco a wad of dollars is a powerful moment, but it could be more impactful if the script elaborated on the implications of this exchange. What does this say about the priest's character? Is he complicit in the corruption, or is he trying to help in a morally ambiguous way?
Suggestions
  • Enhance the transition between the exterior and interior scenes by incorporating a sound bridge or visual element that connects the two environments.
  • Add more emotional depth to El Flaco's dialogue by including internal conflict or regret about his past actions, making his confession feel more personal and impactful.
  • Expand on the description of the confessional area to highlight how the neon lighting affects the mood and the characters' emotions, creating a more immersive atmosphere.
  • Consider adjusting the pacing by incorporating pauses or reactions from the chaplain to create a more engaging dialogue exchange.
  • Clarify the implications of the priest's action in slipping El Flaco money, potentially adding a line of internal monologue or a reaction that reveals his motivations and moral stance.



Scene 34 - Echoes of the Disappeared
EXT. PRISON, PARKING LOT - DAY

The priest leaves the prison and heads for the waiting
limousine. When he gets in the back seat, the driver steps out
to leave them alone.

We see them speak through the window.


EXT. ABANDONED REFINERY, CIUDAD JUAREZ - DAY

An abandoned refinery in Ciudad Juarez. Ten men dig.

Shovel after shovel. The repetitive sounds of scraping shovels
and laborers speaking.

Hands with rubber gloves. Remnants appear, tangled in the earth
and roots. Clothes, limbs, and then something that looks like a
skull.

CUT TO:


INT. HANGAR - DAY

In a lateral tracking shot: a black plastic body bag, then
another… ten body bags.

We pull back onto the surroundings: a vast open hangar. One side
dazzlingly bright, the other dark. Off to one side, Rita
watches. Standing in front of a body bag, against the light,
Emilia embraces the woman from the cemetery. The two women speak
softly.

In consolation and gratitude, the woman takes and squeezes
Emilia’s hand.

Start 3M22 LA LUCECITA

The woman’s lips on Emilia’s hands.

Softly at first, as if to herself:

EMILIA
Rita, Rita, oye Rita,
cuando la mujer de negro me besó las manos,
sentí sus lágrimas, y por primera
vez me amé a mí misma.
Rita, Rita, listen Rita,
when she kissed my hands,
I felt her tears, and for the first time
I loved myself.

EMILIA (CONT’D)
Rita, Rita, oye Rita,
¿Cuántos desaparecidos hay en este país?
Rita, Rita, tell me, Rita,
How many desaparecidos (missing people) are there in this
country?

Emilia joins Rita. She pushes a metal door into a corridor.

RITA
¿Emilia qué quieres decir?
Emilia, what do you mean?

EMILIA
Rita, Rita, dime, Rita,
¿Quién ahora va a ayudarlos?
Rita Rita, tell me Rita
Who will help them now?

RITA
No será la policía,
ni los politicos
It won't be the police or the politicians,


EMILIA
Corruptos hasta el cuello.
Rita Rita Rita
Corrupt to the bone
Rita Rita Rita

Another door, another corridor.

EMILIA (CONT’D)
Rita, Rita, Rita,
Encontré la táctica, ¡la táctica!
Rita Rita
Rita, Rita hey Rita
I found a tactic, the tactic!
Rita, Rita

Rita reconócelo, ¡nadie es más competente
que los narcotraficantes
Rita think about it, no one is more competent
than drug dealers

RITA
Emilia, Emilia, ¡ay Dios!
Emilia, Emilia, oh God!

EMILIA
Para Rita
Rastrear a los desaparecidos?
Rita!
To trace the desaparecidos!

RITA
A la gente que mataron?
The people they killed?

Another door, another corridor.

EMILIA
¡Sí, con sus propias manos!
Rita, Rita, Rita, Rita, Rita, Rita, Rita,
Rita
Yes, with their own hands!
Rita, Rita, Rita, Rita, Rita, Rita, Rita, Rita, Rita,
Rita, Rita, Rita

RITA
Emilia ¿es en serio Emilia?
Contactar a asesinos? Para ti es peligroso.
¿Y quién lo hará Emilia?
Emilia, are you serious?
Contact killers? It’s dangerous for you. Who will do it?

EMILIA
¡Tú!
You!

RITA
¡No!

No!

Another door, another corridor.

EMILIA
Rita, Rita, dime Rita, eres abogada, ¿no?
Rita, Rita, tell me, Rita, you’re a lawyer, no?

RITA
No, no, no. ¿ah sí?, ¿de verdad?, ¿en
serio?
Sin chantaje y sin violencia, dime ¡¿cómo
lo haría?!
No, no, no, no. Really? Emilia are you serious?
Without blackmail and without violence, tell me how would
I do it?!

EMILIA
Te ganarás su confianza
You’ll gain their trust.

RITA
¡¿Cómo se llama tu chingada cosa esa?!
And what's the name of your bloody thing?!


EMILIA
Lucecita, La Lucecita (x2)
Rita, Rita, Rita, Rita, Rita, Rita,
Rita, Rita, Rita
Lucecita, La Lucecita (x2)
Lucecita, La Lucecita (x2)
Rita, Rita, Rita, Rita, Rita, Rita, Rita, Rita, Rita,
Rita, Rita, Rita
Lucecita, La Lucecita (x2)

The chorus continues...

EMILIA (CONT’D)
Te voy a dar dos o tres nombres de
tipos que se salieron de los
cárteles a quienes podría
interesarles hacer el Bien.
I’ll give you the names of two or three guys who’ve
distanced themselves from the cartels. And who may be
interested in doing good.

Rita looks at her.

They reach a plastic double door. Behind it, silhouettes and
photo flashes.

EMILIA (CONT’D)
¿Qué pasa?
What’s wrong?


RITA
¿Y qué digo en la oficina de
Londres?
What do I tell the London office?

EMILIA
Yo qué sé… ¿Que te quedas un poco
más? ¿No?
I don’t know… That you’re staying a little longer, right?

She pushes the door open.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In a tense scene, a priest leaves a prison and enters a limousine, hinting at secrecy. Meanwhile, in an abandoned refinery in Ciudad Juarez, ten men uncover remains, including a skull. Emilia comforts a grieving woman in a hangar filled with body bags, leading to a moment of emotional growth for Emilia as she expresses self-love and concern for the missing people. She proposes contacting former cartel members for help, which Rita questions due to safety concerns. The scene captures their conflicting desires for action and caution, ending with Emilia opening a door to a new phase of their mission.
Strengths
  • Strong emotional impact
  • Compelling dialogue
  • Effective character development
Weaknesses
  • Potential for confusion with multiple character arcs and revelations

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys a sense of tension and emotional depth, with strong character interactions and thematic exploration. The dialogue is impactful, and the plot moves forward significantly, setting up future conflicts and resolutions.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene is compelling, delving into complex themes and character dynamics. The exploration of identity, loss, and redemption adds depth to the narrative and engages the audience.

Plot: 8.5

The plot of the scene is engaging and significant, moving the story forward while introducing new conflicts and resolutions. The revelations and decisions made by the characters drive the narrative forward effectively.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces fresh perspectives on crime and justice, with authentic character interactions and a unique approach to addressing societal issues.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters in the scene are well-developed and engaging, with clear motivations and emotional depth. Their interactions drive the emotional impact of the scene and set up future character arcs.

Character Changes: 8

At least one character undergoes significant emotional changes during the scene, grappling with past actions and making decisions that will impact their future. The character development is evident and sets up future arcs.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to find a way to help the missing people and victims of violence in the country, reflecting her desire for justice and redemption.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to convince Rita, a lawyer, to help her contact former cartel members to do good, reflecting the immediate challenge of navigating dangerous territory to achieve her goal.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The scene contains a moderate level of conflict, primarily internal and emotional, as characters grapple with difficult decisions and revelations. The tension between characters adds depth to the narrative.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting viewpoints and moral dilemmas that create obstacles for the protagonist and drive the narrative forward.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes in the scene are high, with characters facing difficult decisions and revelations that will impact their lives and relationships. The emotional and narrative stakes are significant, adding tension and depth to the scene.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward significantly, introducing new conflicts, resolutions, and character dynamics. The revelations and decisions made by the characters set the stage for future events and developments.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected twists in character decisions and the evolving dynamics between the protagonist and Rita.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict is evident in the protagonist's belief in using unconventional methods to achieve justice, contrasting with Rita's initial reluctance due to safety concerns and ethical considerations.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, with characters facing intense emotions and making significant decisions. The audience is likely to feel sympathy, concern, and hope for the characters' futures.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene is impactful and meaningful, conveying the emotions and intentions of the characters effectively. The conversations reveal important information and drive the plot forward.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its emotional depth, moral complexity, and suspenseful dialogue that keeps the audience invested in the characters' journey.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, allowing for emotional resonance and character development.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to industry standards and enhances the visual storytelling of the scene, contributing to its impact.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a non-linear structure that effectively builds tension and reveals character motivations, fitting the genre's expectations.


Critique
  • The scene effectively juxtaposes the grim realities of violence and loss with Emilia's emotional journey towards self-love and empowerment. The transition from the prison to the abandoned refinery creates a stark contrast that emphasizes the themes of despair and hope.
  • Emilia's dialogue is poignant and reflective, particularly her lines about feeling loved and self-acceptance. However, the repetition of 'Rita' can feel excessive and may detract from the impact of her message. Streamlining this repetition could enhance the emotional weight of her words.
  • The use of song as a narrative device is powerful, but the lyrics could benefit from more specificity or imagery to deepen the emotional resonance. While the chorus is catchy, it risks becoming repetitive without adding new layers to the narrative.
  • The pacing of the scene feels uneven at times, particularly with the transitions between the different locations. The shifts from the hangar to the corridors could be more fluid, perhaps by incorporating more visual or auditory cues that connect these spaces.
  • The dialogue between Emilia and Rita raises important questions about morality and the role of drug dealers in society. However, the conversation could be more dynamic by incorporating more conflict or tension between the characters, as Rita's initial resistance to Emilia's ideas feels somewhat subdued.
Suggestions
  • Consider reducing the repetition of 'Rita' in Emilia's dialogue to maintain the emotional impact without diluting it. Focus on varying the structure of her lines to keep the audience engaged.
  • Enhance the lyrics of the song by incorporating vivid imagery or personal anecdotes that reflect Emilia's journey, making the song feel more unique and emotionally charged.
  • Improve the pacing by adding transitional elements that connect the different locations more seamlessly, such as sound effects or visual motifs that carry through the scene.
  • Introduce more conflict in the dialogue between Emilia and Rita, perhaps by having Rita express stronger objections or fears about contacting drug dealers, which could lead to a more intense and engaging exchange.
  • Consider adding a visual motif that symbolizes Emilia's journey towards self-love, such as a recurring image or object that appears throughout the scene, reinforcing her emotional transformation.



Scene 35 - A Ray of Hope Amidst Scrutiny
EXT. STREET - DAY

Behind them, reporters, sound engineers and cameras.


REPORTER 1
¿Por qué La Lucecita?
Why the Lucecita?

RITA
En el nombre se encuentra el
objetivo: dar un poco de esperanza
a quienes ya no la tienen.
Our aim is in the name: a ray of hope to those who’ve
lost hope.

REPORTER 2
¿Con qué dinero se va a financiar
la asociación?
What money will be financing this NGO?

EMILIA
Con el mío, pero la gente
generosa que quiera participar
es bienvenida.
Mine, but the generals are more than welcome to join us.

They are about to leave.

REPORTER 3
Señora Pérez, señora Pérez, una
pregunta más…
Señora Pérez, Señora Pérez, one more question…

EMILIA
Sí…
Yes…

REPORTER 3
¿De dónde viene su dinero?
Where does your money come from?


The brutality of the question is disconcerting. Emilia
hesitates, is about to answer, when Rita interrupts:

RITA
La señora Pérez no tiene porque
rendirle cuentas a nadie. Pero no
se preocupen pues daremos toda la
información cuando entreguemos
los estatutos de la asociación.
Disculpen, nos están esperando
Mrs. Pérez does not have to justify herself. Don’t worry,
the information will be provided when we file the papers
to establish an NGO. Sorry, we have to go…

She pulls Emilia away. Entering the building, they pass by a
brass plaque. We read:

LA LUCECITA
Investigations in Family Interests
Genres: ["Drama","Mystery"]

Summary In a tense scene, reporters surround Rita and Emilia as they announce the launch of their NGO, La Lucecita. Rita articulates the organization's mission to provide hope, while Emilia reveals her personal financial commitment, inviting contributions. The atmosphere shifts when a reporter aggressively questions Emilia about her funding sources, leading Rita to defend her. The scene concludes with Rita guiding Emilia away from the reporters to file the necessary paperwork, passing by a plaque that identifies their organization.
Strengths
  • Tension-building dialogue
  • Mystery surrounding funding
  • Character interactions
Weaknesses
  • Lack of resolution on funding issue
  • Limited character development in this scene

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.2

The scene effectively builds tension and mystery through the dialogue and interactions between characters. The defensive tone adds depth to the scene, keeping the audience engaged and curious about the characters' motivations.


Story Content

Concept: 8.5

The concept of the scene, focusing on the establishment of an NGO and the mystery surrounding its funding, is intriguing and sets up potential conflicts and developments for the story.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene revolves around the tension and mystery surrounding the funding of the NGO, adding depth to the story and setting up potential conflicts and resolutions.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on the challenges faced by charitable organizations and the ethical dilemmas surrounding transparency and privacy.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters in the scene are well-developed, with distinct personalities and motivations. Their defensive and secretive nature adds complexity to the interactions and keeps the audience engaged.

Character Changes: 7

While there are no significant character changes in the scene, the interactions and dialogue hint at potential developments and revelations for the characters in future scenes.

Internal Goal: 8

Emilia's internal goal is to maintain control over her personal finances and the funding of the NGO while also protecting her privacy and reputation.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to establish the NGO and secure funding for its operations.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, revolving around the characters' defensive and secretive nature regarding the funding of the NGO. This conflict adds tension and intrigue to the scene.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the reporters challenging the characters' privacy and the characters pushing back to protect their interests.

High Stakes: 8

The high stakes in the scene revolve around the mystery and tension surrounding the funding of the NGO, with potential consequences for the characters and the story.

Story Forward: 9

The scene effectively moves the story forward by establishing the conflict surrounding the funding of the NGO and setting up potential developments and resolutions for the plot.

Unpredictability: 7

The scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected questions from the reporters and the characters' responses.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the balance between transparency and privacy in charitable organizations. Emilia values her privacy and autonomy over her finances, while the reporters seek transparency and accountability.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7.5

The scene evokes a sense of mystery and tension, keeping the audience emotionally engaged and curious about the characters' motivations.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene is engaging and serves to build tension and mystery. The defensive and secretive exchanges between characters add depth to the scene and drive the plot forward.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to the conflict between the characters, the ethical dilemmas they face, and the tension created by the reporters' questions.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and highlighting the ethical dilemmas faced by the characters.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear dialogue and scene descriptions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with well-defined character interactions and conflicts.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the tension between public perception and private motivations, particularly through the reporters' probing questions. This dynamic adds depth to the characters of Rita and Emilia, showcasing their differing approaches to transparency and accountability.
  • Emilia's hesitation when asked about the source of her funding is a strong moment that highlights her vulnerability and the weight of her past. However, this moment could be enhanced by providing a clearer internal conflict or emotional response from Emilia, allowing the audience to connect more deeply with her struggle.
  • Rita's protective interruption serves as a strong character moment, emphasizing her role as a defender of Emilia. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext or emotional weight to convey the urgency of their situation. As it stands, it feels somewhat straightforward and could be more impactful with layered dialogue.
  • The transition from the press conference to the brass plaque is visually effective, but it could be strengthened by incorporating more sensory details or emotional reactions from the characters as they pass the plaque. This would help to reinforce the significance of their mission and the weight of their responsibilities.
  • The dialogue is generally clear and serves the narrative well, but some lines, particularly Emilia's, could be more concise or impactful. For example, her response about financing could be streamlined to maintain the scene's pacing and tension.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief internal monologue or visual cue to illustrate Emilia's emotional state during the reporters' questioning. This could help the audience empathize with her character more deeply.
  • Enhance the dialogue with subtext that reflects the characters' histories and motivations. For instance, Rita could express a more personal stake in protecting Emilia, hinting at their shared past or the stakes involved in their NGO.
  • Incorporate more sensory details in the setting to create a richer atmosphere. Describe the sounds of the reporters, the heat of the day, or the weight of the cameras to immerse the audience in the scene.
  • Explore the possibility of Emilia responding to the funding question with a more nuanced answer that reflects her internal conflict, perhaps hinting at her past or the moral complexities of her situation.
  • Consider ending the scene with a stronger emotional beat, perhaps a lingering look between Rita and Emilia as they enter the building, to emphasize their bond and the challenges they face ahead.



Scene 36 - Diverging Perspectives
INT. LUCECITA HEADQUARTERS - DAY

They are now in an empty building.

RITA
¡Ahí está, ya empezó el desmadre…
para qué te hago caso!
There it is, the madness has already started... why did I
listen to you!

EMILIA
No te preocupes, yo sé cómo son,
les encanta pasarse de listos pero
hasta ahí.
Don’t worry. They love to blabber on, but it’ll lead
nowhere.

RITA
Ajá, claro. ¿Y qué tal que sí pase
de ahí? No, tú no los conoces, yo
sí… van a hacer su trabajo.
Oh yeah? What if it leads somewhere? You don’t know them,
I do, they’ll do their job.

EMILIA
Sí… como todos: pues los compramos.
We buy them off, as usual.

RITA
¿Y nada más?
And then?

EMILIA
¿Cómo que “y nada más”?
What do you mean “and then”?


RITA
Yo voy a darles qué comer, veremos
si tu leyenda resiste…
I’ll feed them. We’ll see if your legend holds up…

EMILIA
¿Una leyenda? ¿Ya tan rápido?
A legend? Already?

RITA
No los subestimes Emilia, hay que
ser aguerrido para ser periodista
en este país.
Don’t underestimate them, Emilia, you need courage to be
a journalist in this country.


Emilia smiles.

They walk under a flat screen showing an institutional film.
Emilia is on screen, wearing dark glasses:

EMILIA
“Somos una ONG y actuamos
legalmente. No reemplazamos a los
poderes públicos ni nos
interponemos a sus labores, no los
juzgamos… estamos simplemente al
lado, somos libres de prestarle
servicio a quienes lo necesitan.
Ayudamos a las familias a encontrar
a sus seres queridos. Aquí no hay
culpables, no estamos para juzgar,
solo tenemos un objetivo: el
bienestar de las familias.
Ofrecemos un servicio de
eliminación de tatuajes para
quienes deseen borrarlos y
abriremos clases de alfabetización
para quienes deseen asistir.
Para empezar de nuevo, para buscar
nuevos horizontes: La Lucecita!”
"We are an NGO and we act legally. We do not replace the
public authorities, nor do we interfere with their work,
we do not judge them... we are simply on the side, we
freely provide a service to those who need it. We help
families to find their loved ones. Here there are no
culprits, we are not here to judge, we only have one
goal: the well-being of the families.
A tattoo removal service is offered on a voluntary basis,
and adult reading classes are available to those who
wish. For a new start, a new horizon: ‘La Lucecita’!”
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In an empty building serving as the headquarters for La Lucecita, Rita expresses her anxiety and skepticism about their work, fearing chaos is imminent. Emilia, in contrast, remains optimistic and reassures Rita that their approach is effective. As they walk through the headquarters, they pass a flat screen displaying Emilia's film, which outlines the NGO's mission to help families without judgment. The scene highlights the tension between Rita's doubts and Emilia's confidence, ending with the film emphasizing their commitment to service.
Strengths
  • Sharp dialogue
  • Tension between characters
  • Establishment of key themes and conflicts
Weaknesses
  • Lack of significant character development in this scene

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.2

The scene effectively conveys the tension and seriousness of the characters' interactions, setting the stage for the challenges they will face in establishing their NGO. The dialogue is sharp and reveals the characters' defensive attitudes, adding depth to their personalities.


Story Content

Concept: 8.3

The concept of launching an NGO in a challenging environment is compelling and sets the stage for potential conflicts and character development. The scene effectively introduces the core themes of courage and resilience.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene revolves around the characters' efforts to establish their NGO, setting up potential conflicts and challenges. It moves the story forward by introducing key elements that will impact the narrative.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a unique organization with a complex mission, blending elements of journalism, social services, and ethical dilemmas. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and add depth to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters in the scene are well-defined and their personalities shine through in their interactions. Rita and Emilia's defensive attitudes and determination add depth to their characters.

Character Changes: 8

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the interactions between Rita and Emilia hint at potential growth and development as they face challenges together.

Internal Goal: 8

Rita's internal goal in this scene is to prove her knowledge and experience to Emilia, as well as to assert her authority and understanding of the situation. This reflects her deeper need for validation and control.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to handle a potentially difficult situation with the organization's members and ensure that they comply with their mission and services. This reflects the immediate challenge of maintaining the organization's reputation and integrity.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, as the characters navigate their own doubts and fears while trying to establish their NGO. The tension between Rita and Emilia adds depth to the conflict.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting viewpoints and motivations creating obstacles for the protagonist and adding depth to the conflict.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in the scene as the characters work to establish their NGO in a challenging environment. The outcome of their efforts will have significant implications for their future.

Story Forward: 8

The scene effectively moves the story forward by introducing key elements that will impact the narrative, such as the establishment of the NGO and the characters' motivations. It sets the stage for future conflicts and developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting power dynamics and conflicting motivations of the characters, keeping the audience guessing about the outcome.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the tension between upholding ethical standards and the practical realities of running an organization. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs about the balance between idealism and pragmatism.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7.8

The scene evokes a sense of tension and concern, drawing the audience into the characters' struggles. The emotional impact is heightened by the characters' defensive attitudes and the weight of the situation.

Dialogue: 8.7

The dialogue in the scene is sharp and impactful, revealing the characters' motivations and attitudes. It effectively conveys the tension and seriousness of the situation.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the dynamic dialogue and tension between characters, as well as the intriguing setup of the organization and its mission.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and reveals character dynamics, contributing to its overall effectiveness in advancing the plot.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and follows the expected format for its genre, with dialogue and action descriptions effectively conveying the setting and character dynamics.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear character interactions and a progression of tension and conflict.


Critique
  • The dialogue between Rita and Emilia effectively establishes their contrasting perspectives on the challenges they face with their NGO. However, the scene could benefit from more subtext to deepen their relationship and the stakes involved. The tension feels somewhat surface-level, and exploring their emotional motivations could enhance the conflict.
  • Emilia's optimism and Rita's skepticism are clear, but the dialogue could be more dynamic. The back-and-forth feels a bit repetitive, with both characters reiterating their points without significant progression in the conversation. Introducing a moment of vulnerability or a revelation could add depth to their exchange.
  • The transition to the institutional film featuring Emilia is visually interesting, but it feels somewhat abrupt. A smoother transition or a brief moment of reflection from Rita before the film starts could help maintain the emotional flow of the scene.
  • The film's dialogue is informative but lacks emotional resonance. While it outlines the NGO's mission, it could be more impactful if it included a personal anecdote or a specific example of how their work has affected someone's life. This would help ground the mission in reality and make it more relatable.
  • The scene ends with Emilia's speech on the screen, which is a strong visual element, but it might be more effective if the audience could see Rita's reaction to it. This would provide insight into her feelings about the NGO's mission and her partnership with Emilia.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment where Rita reveals a personal stake in the NGO's mission, which could create a stronger emotional connection between the characters and the audience.
  • Incorporate more varied sentence structures and emotional beats in the dialogue to keep the conversation engaging and dynamic. This could involve interruptions, overlapping dialogue, or moments of silence that convey tension.
  • Introduce a brief flashback or a visual cue that illustrates the impact of their work, perhaps showing a family they have helped or a moment of success, to enhance the emotional weight of Emilia's speech.
  • Explore the physical space of the headquarters more vividly. Describe the surroundings in a way that reflects the mood of the characters—perhaps the emptiness of the building mirrors their uncertainty or the hope they are trying to cultivate.
  • End the scene with a moment of uncertainty or a cliffhanger that hints at the challenges ahead, leaving the audience eager to see how the characters will navigate the complexities of their mission.



Scene 37 - Chorus of Hope and Redemption
INT. LUCECITA HEADQUARTERS - DAY

Start 3M23, PARA, male/female chorus

In a lateral tracking shot: women of every age, some with
children in their arms. They are sitting in what looks like a
waiting room.

A DESAPARECIDO’S MOTHER, WIFE OR SISTER
Para saber dónde, cuándo, quién
y cómo pasó
Para poder contar el fin a los que él amó
Para que todos sus amigos le puedan llorar
So that I know where, when, who, and how it happened
So that I am be able to tell about the end to those he
loved
So that all his friends can mourn him

CHILD
Para saber donde los malos,¡ay!,la
escondieron.

We linger on the woman who is singing.

MOTHER SPOUSE OR SISTER OF A MISSING
PERSON
Para grabar ya una fecha
Aquí estoy
Para hablar del color de su cara
Aquí estoy
So that I know where the bad guys hid him.
So that we can engrave a date
Here I stand
So that I can speak of the color of his face
Here I stand


Still in a tracking shot, men of every age wait in line:

A REPENTANT HITMAN
Para aguantarme la mirada en el espejo
Para criar hoy a mis hijos con dinero
limpio
Para que haya una vida antes y una otra
después
So that I can look at myself in the mirror
So that I can raise my children with clean money
So that there is a life before and a life afterwards

We linger on the singer.

A REPENTANT HITMAN (CONT’D)
Para aprender a calcular que uno y dos son
tres
Para limpiar mi piel de tatuajes
Aquí estoy

So that I learn to calculate that one and two are three
So that I cleanse my skin of tattoos
Here I stand


Para ayudar con mis errores
Aquí estoy
So that my mistakes are of some use.
I am here.

The screen divides into twenty squares: in each one, the face of
a man or woman of every age. They look like photos taken in a
photo booth.

CHOIR OF CHILDREN
Aquí estoy
Aquí estoy
Aquí estoy
Aquí, aquí, aquí
¡Aquí estoy!
Here I stand
Here I stand
Here I stand
Here I stand
Here, here, here I stand!


WOMEN AND HITMEN
Para hacer reaparecer los desaparecidos
Para que el hijo y la madre estén de nuevo
juntos
Para mirar la pesadilla cara a cara
Para que haya en el fondo fuerza y
esperanza
So that the missing reappear
So that the child and the mother can be together again
So that we look at the nightmare face to face
So that there is strength and hope in the end


Para vengarnos de las burlas de la sociedad
Para acercarse al otro lado a encontrar el
mal
Para que nuestros corazones griten la
verdad
So that we avenge us of society's mockery
So that we change sides and fight evil
So that our hearts cry out the truth.

WOMEN AND HITMEN (CONT’D)
Para con la cara bien alta ir a caminar
Para comer, vivir y respirar
Aquí estamos
Para pedir perdón y perdonar
Estamos aquí

So that we can walk again with our faces held high
So that we can eat again, live again, breathe again
Here we stand
So that we can ask forgiveness and forgive
Here we stand

We abandon the photos. We return to La Lucecita, to a wide angle
shot on the crowd.
Genres: ["Drama","Musical"]

Summary In the Lucecita headquarters, a diverse group of women and repentant hitmen gather in a waiting room, singing a heartfelt chorus that expresses their longing for missing loved ones and a desire for redemption. Mothers, wives, and sisters voice their pain and yearning for closure, while a child innocently questions the whereabouts of the missing. The repentant hitmen reflect on their past actions and their hopes for a better future for their children. The scene culminates in a powerful collective expression of strength, healing, and hope, as they all commit to seeking justice and forgiveness.
Strengths
  • Powerful musical interlude
  • Emotional depth of characters
  • Innovative storytelling approach
Weaknesses
  • Limited external plot progression
  • Minimal dialogue

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene is a standout moment in the screenplay, blending music and emotion to create a poignant and memorable sequence. The powerful performances and heartfelt lyrics elevate the impact of the characters' struggles and desires.


Story Content

Concept: 9.5

The concept of using music to convey the characters' innermost thoughts and feelings is innovative and impactful. By incorporating a musical element, the scene adds a layer of depth and emotion to the narrative, engaging the audience on a visceral level.

Plot: 8.5

While the scene does not directly advance the plot in terms of external events, it deepens the audience's understanding of the characters' motivations, struggles, and relationships. It serves as a pivotal moment of introspection and emotional revelation.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh approach to the theme of loss and justice, exploring the emotional complexities of the characters with authenticity and depth. The dialogue feels genuine and heartfelt, adding to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The scene allows each character to express their innermost desires and regrets through song, showcasing their emotional depth and complexity. The performances convey a range of emotions, from sorrow to determination, adding layers to the characters' development.

Character Changes: 9

The characters undergo significant emotional transformations during the scene, as they confront their pasts, express their desires, and seek redemption. The musical interlude serves as a catalyst for these changes, allowing the characters to reflect and grow.

Internal Goal: 9

The protagonist's internal goal is to find closure, justice, and peace in the face of loss and uncertainty. This reflects their deeper need for healing, understanding, and emotional resolution.

External Goal: 8

The protagonist's external goal is to uncover the truth behind the disappearances and seek justice for the victims. This reflects the immediate challenge of navigating a corrupt society and finding closure for the families.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7.5

While there is emotional conflict and tension in the characters' struggles and desires, the scene focuses more on internal conflicts and resolutions rather than external conflicts. The conflict is primarily driven by the characters' emotional journeys and revelations.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, presenting challenges and conflicts that test the characters' beliefs, values, and motivations. The audience is kept engaged and invested in the characters' journeys.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high for the characters in terms of their emotional well-being, relationships, and desires for redemption and closure. The scene's focus on internal struggles and resolutions heightens the emotional stakes and consequences for the characters.

Story Forward: 7

While the scene does not propel the external plot forward in terms of events or actions, it advances the characters' internal journeys and development. It deepens the audience's connection to the characters and sets the stage for future conflicts and resolutions.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the characters' conflicting motivations, unexpected revelations, and emotional twists. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how the characters' journeys will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict revolves around seeking justice and truth in a society plagued by corruption and violence. The characters' beliefs in forgiveness, redemption, and accountability are challenged by the harsh realities they face.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9.5

The scene has a high emotional impact, eliciting empathy, sympathy, and reflection from the audience. The characters' raw emotions, expressed through song, resonate deeply and leave a lasting impression.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue in the scene is minimal, as the characters primarily express themselves through song lyrics. However, the emotional impact of the lyrics and the delivery of the lines contribute significantly to the scene's power and resonance.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its emotional depth, compelling characters, and thematic resonance. The audience is drawn into the characters' struggles and desires, creating a sense of empathy and connection.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotional resonance, drawing the audience into the characters' struggles and desires. The rhythm of the dialogue and action enhances the scene's impact and effectiveness.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene adheres to the expected format for its genre, enhancing the visual and emotional impact of the storytelling. The use of dialogue and visual cues effectively conveys the characters' emotions and motivations.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format that effectively conveys the emotional intensity and thematic depth of the story. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the scene's effectiveness in building tension and emotional resonance.


Critique
  • The scene effectively uses music and lyrics to convey the emotional weight of the characters' experiences, creating a powerful atmosphere of longing and hope. The juxtaposition of the voices of the mothers, wives, sisters, and repentant hitmen adds depth to the narrative, showcasing the shared pain and desire for redemption among diverse characters.
  • The use of a lateral tracking shot to introduce the characters in the waiting room is visually engaging and helps to establish a sense of community among the individuals present. However, the scene could benefit from more specific visual details that highlight the setting and the emotional states of the characters, such as their facial expressions or body language.
  • The lyrics are poignant and resonate with the themes of loss, redemption, and the quest for truth. However, some lines could be tightened for clarity and impact. For instance, the repetition of 'Aquí estoy' could be more varied to maintain engagement and avoid redundancy.
  • The transition from individual voices to the choir of children and the collective voices of women and hitmen is effective in building momentum. However, the pacing could be improved by varying the tempo of the music or the delivery of the lines to create more dramatic tension.
  • The scene culminates in a strong collective declaration of presence and commitment to healing, which is impactful. However, it might benefit from a more explicit connection to the overarching narrative, perhaps by including a brief moment that ties the characters' individual stories to the larger mission of La Lucecita.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more visual elements that reflect the emotional states of the characters, such as close-ups of their faces or hands, to enhance the audience's connection to their struggles.
  • Revise some of the lyrics for conciseness and impact, ensuring that each line contributes meaningfully to the overall message without feeling repetitive.
  • Experiment with the pacing of the scene by varying the tempo of the music or the delivery of the lines, allowing for moments of silence or reflection that can heighten emotional tension.
  • Incorporate a brief moment that connects the individual stories of the characters to the larger mission of La Lucecita, reinforcing the significance of their collective efforts.
  • Consider using more dynamic camera movements or angles to emphasize the emotional highs and lows of the scene, creating a more immersive experience for the audience.



Scene 38 - Reflections Under the City Lights
EXT. EMILIA’S VILLA - NIGHT

The lights of Mexico City, then Emilia’s villa. Through the bay
windows, we see Emilia’s silhouette dancing alone.


EXT. VILLA EMILIA - NUIT

Headlights at the gate. A car door opens. Jessi steps out.
Before shutting the door, she leans in to wish the driver good
night. We can tell that they are kissing. A long kiss.

She walks up the white gravel path, almost phosphorescent in the
night. Her shoes crunch on the gravel. The headlights sweep over
her legs. She turns around and smiles. Then she takes off her
shoes and continues walking. Smiling.


INT. EMILIA'S VILLA - NIGHT

Emilia continues to dance. Suddenly she sees Jessi, who
enters the room with her shoes in the hand. Emilia startles a
moment, stops, smiles and continues to dance amused.

EMILIA
¿Quieres tomar algo?
Would you like a drink?

Emilia pours herself a drink.

JESSI
Bueno.
Sure.

EMILIA
¿Te divertiste?
Did you enjoy yourself?

JESSI

Yes.

Jessi plops on the couch. She is high. Emilia hands her a glass.

EMILIA
¿Te puedo preguntar algo, bonita?

May I ask you a question, dear?

JESSI
Mmm.
Mm.

EMILIA
¿Cómo estabas con tu marido?
What was it like with your husband?

Jessi’s eyes are half shut.

JESSI
No sé.
I don't know.

EMILIA
¿Cómo no vas a saber? ¿Lo querías?
What do you mean you don't know? Did you love him?

A beat.

JESSI
Claro que lo quería… estaba bien
morra, fue el primero… estaba loca
por él…
Of course I loved him. I was young, he was my first… I
was head over heels in love with him…

EMILIA
Y él… te quería a ti?
And did he love you?

Jessi opens one eye.

JESSI
Psss no sé… Después tuve a los
niños y ya no fue igual.
Pff… I don’t know… After I had the children, it wasn’t
the same.

EMILIA
¿Para ti o para él?
For you or for him?

JESSI
Para él.
For him.

EMILIA
Y eso te puso triste.
And that made you sad.

Jessi shrugs her shoulders. No answer.


EMILIA (CONT’D)
Si no estuviera muerto ¿qué crees
que hubiera pasado?
If he were not dead, what do you think would have
happened?

JESSI
Quieres decir: ¿entre nosotros?
You mean: between us?

EMILIA
Sí.
Yes.

JESSI
No sé. Él habría hecho como los
demás: se habría encontrado otra
más joven, tenido hijos con ella y
a mí me habría mandado al diablo.
I don't know. He'd have done like other guys: found a
younger girl, had kids with her and dumped me.

A faint smile on her lips.

JESSI (CONT’D)
O tal vez habría sido yo la que
encontrara a otro tipo...
Or maybe I'd have found another guy…

EMILIA
¿Y entonces?
So?

Jessi gestures, as if the answer were obvious.

JESSI
¿Tú qué crees?
What do you think?

A beat.

EMILIA
¿Lo engañaste?
Did you cheat on him?

JESSI
Mmm.
Mmm.

EMILIA
¿Con quién?
With whom?

Emilia feels she was too abrupt.

JESSI
¿Por qué me preguntas eso?

Why are you asking me this?

EMILIA
No, por nada, así nada más.
No, no reason, just like that.

JESSI
¿Quieres saber "así nada más" si
anduve cogiendo con otro güey?
You want to know “for no reason” if I fucked another guy?

Emilia is worried.

EMILIA
¿Duró mucho tiempo?
Did it last long?

Jessi shakes her head “no”.

EMILIA (CONT’D)
¿Por qué?
Why?

JESSI
Era demasiado intenso… Ya no podía
pensar en nada más… nunca me había
pasado algo así.
It was too powerful… He was all I could think of… I’d
never experienced anything like it.

EMILIA
¿Y qué pasó?
And what happened?

JESSI
Pues, nada. Ahí le paré. Ya no
quise volverlo a ver.
Nothing. I called it quits. I didn’t want to see him
anymore.

EMILIA
¿Y no pensaron fugarse juntos?
And you didn't consider eloping together?

Jessi giggles in disbelief, baring her small pointed teeth.

JESSI
¿Conocías un poquito a tu primo o
para nada? ¿Veías las noticias de
vez en cuando?
Did you know your cousin or not at all? Did you ever
watch the news?

Emilia stiffens.


JESSI (CONT’D)
Hubiéramos podido ir a donde sea,
él nos habría encontrado, nos
habría destrozado y dado de comer a
los perros.
We could have gone anywhere, he would have found us, torn
us apart and fed us to the dogs.

Jessi finishes her drink.

JESSI (CONT’D)
Bueno, me voy a dormir, buenas
noches.
I’m going to bed. Good night.

She picks up her shoes and leaves.

EMILIA
¿Y volviste a ver al tipo ese?
And did you see this guy again?

Jessi smiles.

JESSI
Mmm.
Hmm.

EMILIA
… buenas noches.
Good night.

Emilia stops smiling when she hears Jessi’s footsteps in the
stairway.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In a cozy villa in Mexico City, Jessi returns home after a night out, sharing a kiss with her driver before entering. Inside, she finds Emilia dancing, and they engage in a deep conversation about Jessi's past marriage and infidelity. As Jessi reflects on her late husband and a brief affair, she reveals her emotional struggles and vulnerabilities. The dialogue becomes intimate, with Emilia probing Jessi about her feelings and relationships. Ultimately, Jessi decides to go to bed, leaving Emilia with lingering questions and a sense of unresolved tension.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Intimate dialogue
  • Character development
Weaknesses
  • Limited external conflict
  • Slow pacing

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively captures the emotional depth of the characters through introspective dialogue and reflective moments, creating a poignant and engaging atmosphere.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring the characters' emotional struggles and past relationships through intimate late-night conversations is well-executed, adding depth to their personalities and motivations.

Plot: 7.5

While the scene primarily focuses on character development and emotional exploration, it also hints at past relationships and potential conflicts, adding layers to the overall plot.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh approach to exploring themes of infidelity and emotional complexity in relationships. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed and their emotional complexities are effectively portrayed through dialogue and actions, adding depth and authenticity to their interactions.

Character Changes: 8

The characters undergo emotional revelations and introspective moments, leading to subtle but significant changes in their perspectives and relationships.

Internal Goal: 8

Jessi's internal goal in this scene is to confront her feelings about her past relationship with her husband and the affair she had. This reflects her deeper need for closure and understanding of her own emotions.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to maintain a facade of nonchalance and composure while discussing sensitive topics with Emilia. This reflects the immediate challenge of hiding her true emotions and experiences.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

While there is an underlying tension and emotional conflict between the characters, the scene primarily focuses on introspection and emotional exploration rather than external conflicts.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, as Jessi faces difficult questions and emotional challenges from Emilia. The audience is left unsure of how Jessi will respond.

High Stakes: 5

The stakes are primarily emotional and personal, focusing on the characters' inner struggles and relationships rather than external conflicts or high-risk situations.

Story Forward: 7

While the scene primarily focuses on character development and emotional exploration, it also hints at past relationships and potential conflicts, subtly moving the story forward.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected revelations and emotional shifts in the characters' conversations.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the tension between honesty and deception in relationships. Jessi struggles with being truthful about her past actions and emotions, while Emilia probes for the truth.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, effectively conveying the characters' inner turmoil, regrets, and vulnerabilities, resonating with the audience on a deep level.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is engaging, introspective, and emotionally resonant, effectively conveying the characters' inner thoughts and feelings.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the tension and emotional depth in the characters' interactions. The dialogue keeps the audience invested in the unfolding drama.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by allowing for moments of tension and reflection, without feeling rushed or stagnant.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with proper scene headings and character actions.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear transitions between locations and well-paced dialogue.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures a moment of intimacy and vulnerability between Emilia and Jessi, allowing for character development and emotional depth. However, the dialogue can feel somewhat repetitive, particularly in the questioning about Jessi's past with her husband. This could be streamlined to maintain the audience's engagement.
  • The use of Spanish adds authenticity to the characters and setting, but it may alienate non-Spanish speaking audiences. Consider incorporating more context or translations for key phrases to ensure all viewers can follow the emotional nuances.
  • The pacing of the scene is uneven; while the initial moments of Jessi arriving and interacting with Emilia are engaging, the dialogue can drag in places. The rhythm of the conversation could be tightened to enhance the tension and emotional stakes.
  • Jessi's character comes across as somewhat passive in this scene, primarily responding to Emilia's questions. To create a more dynamic interaction, consider giving Jessi moments of agency or assertiveness, allowing her to drive the conversation in unexpected directions.
  • The scene's visual elements, such as the contrast between the dancing Emilia and the grounded Jessi, are compelling. However, the description of the setting could be expanded to create a more vivid atmosphere, enhancing the emotional weight of their conversation.
Suggestions
  • Streamline the dialogue by cutting repetitive questions and focusing on the most impactful exchanges. This will help maintain the audience's interest and keep the emotional tension high.
  • Consider adding brief translations or context for key Spanish phrases to make the scene more accessible to non-Spanish speaking viewers without losing authenticity.
  • Adjust the pacing by interspersing moments of silence or non-verbal communication to allow the weight of the conversation to resonate more deeply with the audience.
  • Empower Jessi's character by allowing her to take control of parts of the conversation, perhaps by sharing a surprising or unexpected insight about her past that shifts the dynamic with Emilia.
  • Enhance the visual description of the villa and the characters' movements to create a more immersive atmosphere, using sensory details to evoke the setting's mood and emotional undertones.



Scene 39 - Gala of Shadows
INT. FUNDRAISER GALA - NIGHT

A crowd has gathered around the red carpet and the paparazzi.
Journalists brandish recorders.

REPORTER
¿Qué espera de esta velada?
What do you expect from this gala?

EMILIA
Simpatía y apoyo.
Sympathy and support.

REPORTER 2
¿Apoyo? ¿Quiere decir dinero?
Support? You mean money?

EMILIA
Ajá, una lana pues, si prefiere, un
buen varote.
Dough, if you prefer. Good old greenbacks!


Laughter.

REPORTER
¿Es cierto que encuentra
desaparecidos con la ayuda de
sicarios?
Is it true that sicairios help you find the remains of
the disappeared?

RITA
Así es, La Lucecita además de
acompañar a las familias de las
víctimas, da la oportunidad a los
arrepentidos, no de enmendar sus
actos porque nada podrá
enmendarlos, sino de hacer un poco
de bien a quienes hicieron daño.
Disculpe, nos están esperando.
That's right, La Lucecita, besides supporting the
families of the victims, gives the opportunity to those
who are repentant, not to make up for their actions,
because nothing can make up for them, but to do a little
good to those they have harmed. Excuse me, they are
waiting for us.


She walks away.

RITA (CONT’D)
Vi la lista de invitados… ¿Quién es
esa gente que añadiste?
I checked the guest list. Who are all the people you
added?

EMILIA
Puros hampones, narcos, corruptos…
¿Te molesta?
Just gangsters, drug dealers, corrupt people... Do you
mind?

RITA
Que La Lucecita vaya a buscar
dinero sucio, sí, me molesta.
La Lucecita going after dirty money, yes, I mind.

EMILIA
Mientras no conozca a nadie de la
corona inglesa, voy a seguir
invitando a los ricos que conozco.
As long as I don't know anyone in the English crown, I'm
going to keep inviting the rich people I know.

She looks at her.

EMILIA (CONT’D)
Rita, venimos a pedir dinero, no a
planear un asalto…
Rita, we’re here to ask for money, not to rob a bank…


RITA
¿Por qué me dices eso?
Why do you say that?

EMILIA
No denunciemos a nadie. ¡Cabrón, a
veces me parece que eres peor que
yo!
We’re not turning anyone in. Sometimes I think you’re
worse than me.

Emilia steps up onto the dais. Flashes and applause.

BERLINGER (OFF)
¡Rita!
Rita!

Rita turns around and sees Berlinger. He takes her hand and
kisses it. Rita observes the gesture in slow motion. His
mouth on her hand.

BERLINGER (O.S.) (CONT’D)
Ven a verme cuando tengas tiempo.
Come see me when you have time.

His face fades into the shadows.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary At a glamorous fundraiser gala, Emilia humorously seeks financial support while defending her choice to invite controversial guests, leading to a heated exchange with Rita, who is uncomfortable with the ethics of their actions. As reporters probe into the gala's intentions, Berlinger makes a dramatic entrance, kissing Rita's hand and inviting her to meet later, adding tension and intrigue to the scene.
Strengths
  • Intense dialogue
  • Character conflict
  • Emotional depth
Weaknesses
  • Potential lack of resolution in the scene

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene is well-crafted, with intense dialogue and a high level of conflict that keeps the audience engaged. The confrontation between Rita and Emilia adds depth to their characters and sets the stage for future developments.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene revolves around the conflicting views of Rita and Emilia regarding the funding of their NGO, adding depth to their characters and setting up future conflicts. The scene effectively explores themes of morality and compromise.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene revolves around the clash between Rita and Emilia, setting the stage for future developments in their relationship and the narrative. The scene advances the overarching plot by introducing a key conflict.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the theme of fundraising and moral dilemmas, with authentic character actions and dialogue that feel true to the story's world.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Rita and Emilia are well-developed in this scene, with their conflicting personalities and motivations driving the tension. The dialogue reveals nuances in their relationship and adds layers to their characterization.

Character Changes: 8

Both Rita and Emilia undergo subtle changes in their dynamic during the scene, as their conflicting views and emotions come to the forefront. The confrontation challenges their beliefs and sets the stage for further character development.

Internal Goal: 8

Emilia's internal goal is to secure financial support for her cause, which reflects her desire to make a positive impact and help those in need.

External Goal: 7.5

Emilia's external goal is to raise money at the fundraiser gala, which reflects the immediate challenge of funding her organization's work.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is intense and palpable, as Rita and Emilia clash over their principles and approaches to fundraising. The tension between the characters drives the emotional stakes and keeps the audience engaged.

Opposition: 7.5

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting motivations and moral dilemmas creating obstacles for the characters to navigate.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in the scene, as Rita and Emilia's differing views on fundraising could have significant consequences for their NGO and their personal relationship. The outcome of their confrontation will impact the future trajectory of the story.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by introducing a key conflict between Rita and Emilia, which will have repercussions for their relationship and the narrative. The confrontation sets the stage for future plot developments.

Unpredictability: 8

The scene is unpredictable due to the moral ambiguity and conflicting motivations of the characters, keeping the audience on edge.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between the moral ambiguity of accepting donations from questionable sources and the desire to do good for those in need. This challenges Emilia's values and beliefs about the means justifying the end.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene has a high emotional impact, as the confrontation between Rita and Emilia elicits strong emotions from the characters and the audience. The raw intensity of their exchange adds depth to their relationship.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue in the scene is sharp, confrontational, and emotionally charged, effectively conveying the conflicting views and emotions of the characters. The exchanges between Rita and Emilia drive the scene forward and reveal key aspects of their personalities.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its sharp dialogue, moral dilemmas, and tension-filled interactions between characters.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the characters' dilemmas.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to the standard screenplay format for dialogue and action descriptions, enhancing readability and clarity.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a dialogue-heavy sequence at a gala event, effectively building tension and conflict.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the tension between the characters and the external pressures they face from the media. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext to deepen the conflict between Rita and Emilia. Their differing views on the ethics of accepting money from corrupt individuals could be explored further, allowing for a more nuanced exchange.
  • Emilia's humor about needing 'dough' adds a light touch to the scene, but it may undermine the gravity of their situation. Balancing humor with the serious implications of their actions could enhance the emotional weight of the scene. Consider having Emilia acknowledge the moral complexities of their choices more explicitly.
  • Rita's protective nature towards Emilia is clear, but her motivations could be more fleshed out. Why does she feel so strongly against the involvement of sicarios? Adding a line or two that reveals her personal stakes or past experiences could make her objections more compelling.
  • The transition from the reporters' questions to the private conversation between Rita and Emilia feels abrupt. A smoother transition could help maintain the flow of the scene. Perhaps a moment where the reporters' voices fade as Rita and Emilia step away could create a more seamless shift in focus.
  • The introduction of Berlinger adds an intriguing element, but his character could be better established. A brief description of his relationship with Rita or Emilia could provide context for his sudden appearance and the tension it creates. This would help the audience understand the stakes involved in his invitation.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment of hesitation or conflict in Emilia's response to the reporters, which could highlight her internal struggle with the ethical implications of their fundraising methods.
  • Incorporate more physical actions or reactions from Rita during the conversation to visually express her discomfort and protectiveness, enhancing the emotional stakes of the dialogue.
  • Explore the dynamics of the relationship between Rita and Emilia further by including a line that reflects their history or shared experiences, which could add depth to their current conflict.
  • To improve the pacing, consider interspersing the dialogue with brief visual descriptions of the gala atmosphere, such as the reactions of the crowd or the ambiance, to create a more immersive experience.
  • Introduce a moment where Rita and Emilia share a brief, meaningful glance or gesture before Berlinger interrupts, signaling their bond and the weight of their conversation, which would enhance the emotional impact of the scene.



Scene 40 - Shaking Foundations
INT. FUNDRAISING GALA - NIGHT

Emilia asks for silence and begins her speech.

EMILIA
Estimados ministros, estimados
diputados, estimados representantes
de la Cámara de Comercio, señor
Gobernador del Estado, Señoras y
Señores…(recorre la asamblea con la
mirada)¡Qué asamblea!¡Pero qué
asamblea!
Ministers, senators, representatives of the Chamber of
Commerce, Governor of the Province, ladies and gentlemen…
(looking around) What a crowd! What an impressive crowd!

She applauds. The assembly does too. She asks for silence.

EMILIA (CONT’D)
Ustedes me sacan ventaja: todo
mundo los conoce. A mí, nadie…
You have the one-up on me: you all know each other,
whereas I know no one…

The audience disagrees.

EMILIA (CONT’D)
…se los aseguro… o muy poco.

I mean it… Or very little.

Laughter.

Emilia continues. All eyes are on her. Rita walks up between the
tables. She speaks, sings, but the audience is listening to the
speech, and no one seems to hear her.

Start 5M27 EL MAL Rita

RITA
Miren al químico, químico
que lo nombraron Ministro de algo,
el químico, él hace poco mandó a
matar a su socio y familia, ¡a
chingar!,
y ¿qué hicieron con esos cadáveres?
¡Ácido!
Look at El Químico, the Chemist,
who was appointed Minister of …something,
the Chemist, he recently had his business partner and
family killed
All to the slaughter!
and what did they do with the corpses?
Acid!

Miren al juez Santos, mírenlo, no
le importa nada, sólo los niños.
Los narcos los raptan a tiros,
los llevan a fuera de todos sus
pueblos natales
A cambio de eso Santos reduce los
juicios a “falta de pruebas”
Look at Judge Santos,
look at him,
he doesn't care about anything,
only about little children.
The narcos kidnap them with guns,
take them away from their hometowns
In exchange Santos dismisses the trials
for “lack of evidence”.

X2 - Habla
Esta gente habla
Pero ahora lo van a pagar, a pagar,
a pagar
These people speak
But now
they will pay, they will pay, they will pay, they will
pay.

EMILIA
Ustedes me sacan ventaja, todo
mundo los conoce. ¡A mí nadie!
You have the advantage: everybody knows you.
Nobody knows me!

¡O sólo un poco! ¡Se los aseguro!
¡Soy Emilia Pérez!
(MORE)
EMILIA (CONT’D)
¡Una mujer mexicana! ¡Una mujer
como las demás!
I assure you! Or so little!
I am Emilia Pérez!
A Mexican woman! A woman like the others!

RITA
Miren al secretario de Educación
dizque Pública
Especialista en las empresas
fantasmas
Hoy sus contratos, sí, sí, son
reales
Pero las dizque escuelas no se
construyen
Ahora cuéntanos, Chucho, ¿de dónde
sacaste
Tu jet, tu alberca, tu hotel?
Look at the so-called Public Education Secretary
Specialist in phantom companies
Today his contracts, yes, yes, are real
But the so-called schools are not being built
Now tell us, darling,
where did you get your jet, your pool, your hotel from?

Miren al Gober-Gobernador
¿Quién votó por él
la gente o el Cártel
¡ay!... que compró, ay sí, uno a
uno los votos de los campesinos?
¡Pága-págale al Cártel!, bombón,
ya están sentados en tu pinche
trono.
Look at the Governor
Who voted for him, the people or the Cartel?
The Cartel who bought, oh yes,
one by one the peasants’ votes.
Pay the Cartel, you fool,
because they are already sitting on your own fucking
throne!

X2 -Habla
Esta gente habla
Pero ahora lo van a pagar, a pagar,
a pagar
These people speak but now
they will pay, they will pay, they will pay, they will
pay.

EMILIA
… pero gracias a dios, tengo a mi
lado a una mujer excepcional: Rita
Mora Castro! ¡Ella es la
inteligencia andando! ¡La
inteligencia andando!
You have the advantage: everybody knows you.
Nobody knows me!


RITA
Miren al Cojo
No eres cojo de nacimiento
En tu próximo puto retraso de pago
Acabarás en la silla de ruedas
Lo sabe bien el que perdió su mano
Sé muy puntual si eres corrupto
Look at El Cojo, The Lame,
You're not lame from birth, are you?
On your next fucking late payment you'll end up in a
wheelchair.
He knows it well, he who lost his hand:
Be very punctual if you're corrupt

Miren al querido Gabriel Mendoza
Ah con su nueva mujer
su nueva esposa
Muy joven
Muy rubia
¡Rubia!
Look at our dear Gabriel Mendoza
With his new wife
Very young
Very blonde!

X2 - Habla
Esta gente habla
Pero ahora lo van a pagar, a pagar,
a pagar
These people speak
But now
they will pay, they will pay, they will pay, they will
pay.

EMILIA
Perder a un ser amado es una
tragedia, perder sus restos ¡Es una
condena!
¡Es una condena!
¡Es una condena!
To lose a loved one is a tragedy,
to lose their remains is to be damned!
It's damned!
It's damned!


Suddenly a tinkling noise interrupts the hubbub. Chandeliers
sway. Their crystal prisms vibrate. An earthquake.

Someone yells: "¡Está temblando!”

Guests look up to the ceiling raise their glasses:

THE ASSEMBLY
¡Salud!
Cheers!

Men’s pixelated faces look up at the ceiling.


End 5M27 EL MAL
Genres: ["Drama","Political","Social Issues"]

Summary At a fundraising gala, Emilia attempts to establish her presence among influential figures while humorously introducing herself as a Mexican woman. Rita interrupts with a provocative performance, critiquing the corrupt officials in attendance. The atmosphere shifts dramatically when an earthquake strikes, leading the guests to cheer rather than panic, highlighting the tension between Emilia's earnestness and Rita's bold satire.
Strengths
  • Powerful dialogue
  • Strong character development
  • Tense atmosphere
  • Dramatic climax
Weaknesses
  • Potential overload of information
  • Lack of resolution to conflicts introduced

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene is impactful, combining elements of drama, satire, and social commentary effectively. The speech and commentary are compelling, and the earthquake adds a dramatic climax.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of revealing truths about corruption and social issues through a gala setting is innovative and engaging. The scene effectively conveys the theme of speaking truth to power.

Plot: 9

The plot advances significantly as corruption is exposed and tensions rise during the gala. The scene sets the stage for further conflict and developments in the story.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh approach to exploring themes of corruption and social inequality, with authentic character actions and dialogue that feel true to the setting and context.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed, with Emilia and Rita standing out for their courage and determination to confront corruption. Their distinct personalities drive the scene forward.

Character Changes: 9

The characters exhibit growth and determination as they confront corruption and speak truth to power, showing a shift in their attitudes and actions.

Internal Goal: 8

Emilia's internal goal is to assert her identity and presence in a room full of powerful and well-known individuals. She seeks recognition and validation for who she is as a Mexican woman.

External Goal: 7

Emilia's external goal is to deliver a powerful speech that captivates the audience and sheds light on the corruption and injustices within the society.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8.5

The conflict between the characters and the corrupt officials is palpable, leading to a tense and confrontational atmosphere during the gala.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with characters facing internal and external conflicts that challenge their beliefs and values, leading to dramatic confrontations and revelations.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high as the characters risk their safety and reputation to expose corruption and seek justice, facing potential backlash from powerful figures.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by exposing corruption, setting up future conflicts, and deepening the characters' motivations and relationships.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the sudden earthquake interruption, adding a layer of chaos and uncertainty to the already tense atmosphere.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the themes of power, corruption, and social justice. Emilia's speech challenges the status quo and exposes the dark realities of the society, contrasting with the superficiality and glamour of the gala.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.8

The scene evokes strong emotions through its critical tone, defiance against corruption, and the dramatic earthquake moment, leaving a lasting impact on the audience.

Dialogue: 9.2

The dialogue is sharp, critical, and impactful, reflecting the characters' defiance and determination. It effectively conveys the themes of corruption and social justice.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its high stakes, intense dialogue, and dramatic tension. The conflict and revelations keep the audience hooked and invested in the characters' fates.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, allowing for impactful moments and character revelations to unfold at a steady pace.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene adheres to the expected format for a dialogue-heavy sequence in a screenplay, allowing for clear communication of character interactions and actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format for a dramatic confrontation, building tension and conflict effectively.


Critique
  • The scene effectively juxtaposes Emilia's formal speech with Rita's provocative performance, creating a dynamic tension that highlights the contrasting approaches to addressing corruption. However, the transitions between Emilia's speech and Rita's interjections could be smoother to maintain the flow and coherence of the scene.
  • Emilia's character is established as both earnest and somewhat naive, while Rita's character is portrayed as bold and confrontational. This contrast is compelling, but it may benefit from deeper exploration of their motivations. Why does Emilia choose to align herself with Rita's radical approach? What are the stakes for her personally? Adding layers to their motivations could enhance the emotional weight of the scene.
  • The humor in Emilia's speech is a nice touch, but it risks undermining the gravity of the issues being addressed. Balancing humor with the serious themes of corruption and violence is crucial. Consider refining the comedic elements to ensure they serve the narrative without detracting from the overall tone.
  • Rita's lyrics are impactful and serve to critique the corrupt officials effectively. However, the audience may benefit from clearer context regarding the characters she references. Providing brief visual cues or reactions from the audience could enhance the understanding of the stakes involved and the gravity of her accusations.
  • The earthquake serves as a dramatic device to interrupt the proceedings, but the guests' reaction of cheers feels dissonant with the serious nature of the speech. This could be an opportunity to explore the absurdity of the situation further, perhaps by showing a mix of reactions—some laughing, some panicking—to emphasize the chaotic environment.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment where Emilia acknowledges Rita's performance, creating a more cohesive interaction between the two characters. This could enhance their relationship and provide a clearer narrative thread.
  • Explore Emilia's internal conflict more deeply. Perhaps include a moment of hesitation or doubt in her speech that reflects her awareness of the moral complexities of their situation.
  • Refine the humor in Emilia's speech to ensure it complements the serious themes. This could involve using humor to highlight the absurdity of the corruption rather than detracting from the overall message.
  • Incorporate visual elements that react to Rita's performance, such as audience members' shocked expressions or murmurs of agreement, to enhance the impact of her words and provide context for the audience.
  • Consider using the earthquake as a metaphor for the instability of the political situation, perhaps by having Emilia or Rita comment on it in a way that ties back to their themes of corruption and societal upheaval.



Scene 41 - Confronting the Past
INT. LA LUCECITA BUILDING - DAY

Morning. Emilia arrives at her office floor. She responds
distractedly to the greetings of those she runs into.


INT. LA LUCECITA TOILETS - DAY

A beautiful woman in her forties, simply but tastefully dressed.

She opens her bag and takes out a sheathed knife. She takes the
knife out of its sheath and replaces everything in the bag.


INT. LUCECITA WAITING ROOM - DAY

The woman returns to her seat in the waiting room.


INT. LUCECITA EMILIA’S OFFICE - DAY

Emilia is sitting at her desk.

A secretary enters and announces.

SECRETARY
La señora Epifanía Flores.
Señora Epifanía Flores.

Emilia looks up to see the woman we saw in the bathroom.

EMILIA
Siéntese por favor.
Please, have a seat.

Suspicious, EPIFANÍA looks over her shoulder before sitting
down.

EMILIA (CONT’D)
¿Qué puedo hacer por usted?
What can I do for you?

EPIFANÍA
Usted encontró a mi marido.
You found my husband.

Epifanía hands her a summons.

EMILIA
Ah sí.
Oh yes.


Close-up: a photocopy of a young tattooed man.

EPIFANÍA
¿Dónde está?
Where is he?

EMILIA
Por ahora, en la morgue.
For now, in the morgue.

EPIFANÍA
¿Y qué chingados hace en la morgue?
What the hell is he doing at the morgue?

EMILIA
(algo sorprendida) Está muerto.
(a little surprised) He's dead.

EPIFANÍA
¡¿No?! ¿Está segura de que es él?
No! Are you sure it’s him.

EMILIA
Sí, al 99.9%. Lo siento mucho…
Yes, 99.9% sure. I'm sorry…

EPIFANÍA
¿Es en serio? ¿De veras está
muerto?
You're not bullshitting me? He's really dead?

EMILIA
Sí.
Yes.

EPIFANÍA
¿Está segura?
And you're sure?

EMILIA
Ya me está haciendo dudar, pero sí,
totalmente segura.
You're making me hesitate now, but yes, absolutely sure.

Epifanía is at first stunned, but then bursts into laughter.

EPIFANÍA
…!Ah chingá!
...Fuck!

The laugh becomes a sob.

She stands up and goes to the window to hide her tears.

EPIFANÍA (CONT’D)
Discúlpeme…
Excuse me…


Emilia joins her.

EPIFANÍA (CONT’D)
Pensé que iba a estar aquí, me
moría de miedo.
I thought he was going to be here. I was scared shitless…

Epifanía sobs. Emilia takes her in her arms.

EPIFANÍA (CONT’D)
Me dejó en paz cinco años, ya lo
había olvidado y de repente usted
me manda ese papel. Me pegaba…
se llevaba mi dinero…
I had five years of peace, then I got your letter. He
used to hit me, steal my money.

Emilia can’t take her eyes off of her lips.

EPIFANÍA (CONT’D)
(entrecortada por los sollozos) …me
…me violaba… Tenía tanto miedo de
que regresara… si no estuviera
muerto… sería yo la que lo… hasta
agarré un cuchillo…
(sobbing) He… he raped me… I was so afraid he’d come
back. If he weren't dead… I brought a knife…

EMILIA
Shhhhh.
Shhh.

Emilia draws back as if to escape temptation.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary Emilia arrives at her office and meets Epifanía, who is searching for her husband. After revealing that he is dead, Epifanía experiences a tumultuous mix of shock, laughter, and tears as she recounts her history of abuse at his hands. Emilia offers comfort, but the emotional weight of the moment leaves her feeling tempted to withdraw, highlighting the complexity of grief and relief.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Impactful dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Limited external conflict
  • Slow pacing in some parts

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene is emotionally charged, with a strong focus on character development and revealing past traumas. The dialogue is impactful, and the tension is palpable throughout.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of confronting past trauma and finding closure is central to the scene. It explores themes of abuse, grief, and healing in a compelling way.

Plot: 8

The plot progresses as the character confronts her past and comes to terms with her husband's death. It sets the stage for further exploration of the character's emotional journey.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the theme of domestic abuse and trauma, exploring the complexities of forgiveness and closure. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds depth and realism to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed, with complex emotions and motivations driving their actions. The scene allows for deep exploration of the characters' inner lives.

Character Changes: 8

The character undergoes a significant emotional transformation as she processes the news of her husband's death and confronts her past trauma.

Internal Goal: 9

Emilia's internal goal in this scene is to maintain her composure and professionalism while dealing with the emotional outburst of Epifanía. This reflects her need to control her emotions and handle difficult situations with grace.

External Goal: 8

Emilia's external goal is to inform Epifanía about the death of her husband and handle the situation delicately. This reflects the immediate challenge of delivering difficult news and managing the emotional response of the other person.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict in the scene is internal, as the character grapples with the revelation of her husband's death and the trauma of her past experiences.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Epifanía's emotional turmoil and conflicting desires creating a sense of unpredictability and tension. Emilia's role as the bearer of difficult news adds to the opposition.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are high for the character as she grapples with the revelation of her husband's death and confronts the trauma of her past.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by deepening the emotional arcs of the characters and setting the stage for future developments.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected emotional outburst from Epifanía and the revelation of her traumatic past. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how the interaction will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the themes of justice, revenge, and forgiveness. Epifanía's past trauma and desire for closure clash with Emilia's duty to deliver the truth and provide support.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking feelings of sadness, fear, and sympathy. The raw vulnerability of the characters resonates with the audience.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is poignant and impactful, revealing the characters' emotions and past experiences. It drives the emotional core of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the emotional intensity, the dynamic between the characters, and the suspenseful revelation of the husband's death. The dialogue and actions keep the audience invested in the unfolding drama.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, building tension and emotion gradually before reaching a climactic moment. The rhythm of the dialogue and actions enhances the impact of the scene.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings, dialogue formatting, and descriptive elements. The formatting enhances the readability and flow of the scene.

Structure: 9

The scene follows a clear and engaging structure, moving seamlessly between different locations and character interactions. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the effectiveness of the emotional impact.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the emotional turmoil of Epifanía as she confronts the reality of her husband's death. The juxtaposition of her initial disbelief and subsequent relief is powerful, showcasing the complexity of her feelings towards an abusive partner. However, the transition from shock to laughter and then to sobbing could be more nuanced to avoid feeling abrupt. It may benefit from additional internal dialogue or physical reactions that illustrate her conflicting emotions more gradually.
  • Emilia's character is portrayed as compassionate and professional, but her reaction to Epifanía's trauma could be deepened. While she comforts Epifanía, her own internal struggle with the situation is not fully explored. Adding subtle cues to Emilia's emotional state could enhance the scene's depth, making her more relatable and complex.
  • The dialogue is realistic and captures the rawness of the situation, but some lines could be tightened for clarity and impact. For instance, Epifanía's repeated questioning about her husband's death could be streamlined to maintain tension without losing the emotional weight. Additionally, Emilia's responses could be more varied to reflect her growing concern and empathy.
  • The visual elements of the scene are effective, particularly the close-up of the photocopy of the tattooed man, which serves as a stark reminder of the reality Epifanía faces. However, the setting could be described in more detail to enhance the atmosphere. For example, the contrast between the sterile office environment and the emotional chaos of the conversation could be emphasized to heighten the tension.
  • The pacing of the scene is generally good, but the emotional beats could be more pronounced. For instance, after Epifanía's initial laughter, a moment of silence or a pause could allow the audience to absorb the gravity of her situation before she breaks down. This would create a more impactful emotional arc.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding internal monologue or physical reactions from Emilia to convey her emotional struggle as she listens to Epifanía's story. This could create a deeper connection between the characters and the audience.
  • Streamline some of Epifanía's dialogue to maintain tension and clarity. Focus on the most impactful lines that convey her emotional state without redundancy.
  • Enhance the setting description to create a more vivid contrast between the sterile office and the emotional turmoil of the characters. This could help to amplify the scene's tension.
  • Introduce a moment of silence or pause after Epifanía's laughter to allow the audience to process the shift in her emotional state before she breaks down. This would strengthen the emotional arc of the scene.
  • Explore Epifanía's backstory in more detail through her dialogue or Emilia's reactions, which could provide context for her trauma and enhance the audience's understanding of her character.



Scene 42 - Dark Humor in the Shadows
INT. LA LUCECITA CORRIDORS - DAY

Emilia and Epifanía silently walk up a hallway. They part on the
stairs.

EMILIA
Hasta luego.
Goodbye.

EPIFANÍA
Hasta luego señora.
Goodbye, ma’am.

Emilia heads back to her office, but can’t help turning back
around. Just before Epifanía disappears:

EMILIA
¡Señora Flores!
Señora Flores!


INT. LUCECITA CORRIDORS - DAY

Epifanía looks up.

EMILIA
Hay algo que no me dijo, ¿qué
hacemos con el cuerpo de su marido?
You didn’t tell me: what do we do with your husband’s
corpse?

EPIFANÍA
Tírelo
Throw it away.

They laugh.

EMILIA
(murmurando fuerte) ¿De verdad
traía un cuchillo?
(whispering) Did you really have a knife?

Epifanía nods and surreptitiously takes the knife out of her
bag.

Emilia appreciates and surreptitiously takes out her Glock of
her bag.

Both ladies smile.

EMILIA (CONT’D)
¿Podemos volver a vernos?
Can I see you again?

EPIFANÍA
¿Volver a vernos? ¿Para qué?
See me again? Why?

EMILIA
Para nada en especial, así nada
más… para vernos.
No reason, just… to see you again.

EPIFANÍA
…sí.
...Yes.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In the corridors of La Lucecita, Emilia and Epifanía share a moment of dark humor as they discuss the disposal of Epifanía's husband's corpse. Their conversation lightens with laughter when Epifanía jokingly suggests throwing it away. Emilia discreetly reveals her Glock, and Epifanía shows her knife, symbolizing their camaraderie and shared secrets. As they express a desire to meet again, the scene blends tension with a sense of anticipation.
Strengths
  • Tension-building
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Intrigue
Weaknesses
  • Limited external conflict
  • Some ambiguity in character motivations

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively builds tension and emotion through the interaction between Emilia and Epifanía, revealing hidden depths and adding layers to the characters. The dialogue and actions are engaging and create a sense of intrigue, enhancing the overall impact of the scene.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene, focusing on the unexpected revelation of hidden weapons and the emotional exchange between the characters, is engaging and adds depth to the unfolding narrative. The scene effectively explores themes of trust, fear, and connection.

Plot: 8.5

The plot of the scene advances through the interaction between Emilia and Epifanía, revealing new layers to the characters and setting up future developments. The revelation of the knife adds a twist to the narrative and increases the stakes for the characters.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the thriller genre by focusing on the complex dynamics between two female characters and their hidden motivations. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Emilia and Epifanía are well-developed in this scene, with their emotions and motivations coming to the forefront. The interaction between them adds depth to their personalities and sets the stage for further character growth.

Character Changes: 8

Both Emilia and Epifanía undergo subtle changes in this scene, as they reveal hidden aspects of themselves and form a connection based on shared experiences. The revelation of the knife prompts a shift in their dynamic and sets the stage for further development.

Internal Goal: 8

Emilia's internal goal in this scene is to uncover the truth behind Epifanía's actions and to establish a connection with her. This reflects Emilia's desire for answers and her willingness to take risks to achieve them.

External Goal: 7

Emilia's external goal is to investigate the situation surrounding Epifanía's husband's corpse and to potentially form a connection with Epifanía. This reflects the immediate challenge Emilia is facing in the scene.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, as Emilia and Epifanía grapple with their emotions and past experiences. The tension arises from the revelation of the hidden weapons and the characters' reactions to this unexpected turn of events.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Emilia and Epifanía engaging in a tense and mysterious interaction that keeps the audience guessing about their true intentions.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are raised in the scene with the revelation of the hidden weapons, adding a sense of danger and intrigue to the unfolding narrative. The characters' emotional vulnerabilities and past experiences heighten the tension and create a sense of urgency.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by deepening the relationship between Emilia and Epifanía, revealing new layers to their characters, and setting up future conflicts and developments. The revelation of the knife adds a twist to the narrative and increases the stakes for the characters.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in the characters' actions and dialogue, keeping the audience on edge about the outcome of the interaction.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the characters' moral ambiguity and willingness to engage in dangerous activities. It challenges Emilia's beliefs about right and wrong, as she is drawn into a world of secrecy and violence.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, as the characters reveal their vulnerabilities and fears while sharing a moment of relief and connection. The audience is drawn into the intense emotions of the characters, creating a powerful and memorable scene.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the tension, emotion, and intrigue between Emilia and Epifanía. The exchanges between the characters reveal their inner thoughts and feelings, adding complexity to their relationship.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its tense atmosphere, mysterious dialogue, and subtle character interactions that keep the audience guessing about the characters' true motivations.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension gradually, revealing information at a steady pace, and ending on a cliffhanger that leaves the audience wanting more.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for a screenplay, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for a thriller genre, with a buildup of tension, subtle reveals, and a cliffhanger ending.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures a moment of connection between Emilia and Epifanía, showcasing their shared experiences and the weight of their pasts. The dialogue is concise and impactful, allowing the audience to infer deeper meanings behind their words.
  • The humor in Epifanía's suggestion to 'throw away' her husband's corpse adds a layer of levity to an otherwise heavy topic, which helps to balance the emotional tone of the scene. This juxtaposition of humor and seriousness is well-executed.
  • The use of physical actions, such as Epifanía revealing her knife and Emilia her Glock, serves as a powerful visual metaphor for their respective struggles and defenses. It subtly hints at their readiness to confront their pasts and the dangers they face.
  • However, the scene could benefit from more context regarding the relationship between Emilia and Epifanía. While their camaraderie is evident, a brief flashback or a line of dialogue referencing their previous interactions could deepen the audience's understanding of their bond.
  • The ending leaves the audience with a sense of unresolved tension, which can be effective, but it may also feel abrupt. A more definitive conclusion or a hint at what their future interactions might entail could enhance the emotional resonance of the scene.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief flashback or a line that references a previous encounter between Emilia and Epifanía to provide context for their relationship and enhance emotional depth.
  • Explore the possibility of expanding the dialogue slightly to include a line that hints at their shared experiences or struggles, which could further solidify their bond and make the audience more invested in their connection.
  • To enhance the visual storytelling, consider incorporating more descriptive actions or expressions that convey the characters' emotions, such as a lingering gaze or a hesitant touch, to deepen the moment of connection.
  • If the scene is meant to convey a sense of unresolved tension, consider adding a line that foreshadows potential future conflicts or challenges they may face, which could create anticipation for the audience.
  • Evaluate the pacing of the scene; if it feels too quick, consider extending the moment of laughter or the exchange of glances to allow the audience to fully absorb the emotional weight of the moment.



Scene 43 - A Morning of Connection
INT. EPIFANÍA’S HOUSE - DAY

Early morning. Emilia is dressed. She finishes making coffee
in the kitchen-living room-bathroom in Epifanía’s tiny house.
She looks at the walls with their peeling blue paint and
religious imagery. StrÁNGELy ordered disorder, it is a cozy
kind of cave.


Emilia is happy. She feels at home. An “at home” that she never
had before. Out the window, she sees her neighbor open her
shutters. The two women greet each other from afar.

Noise behind her. Epifanía is coming out of her bedroom.

EPIFANÍA
¿Sí encontraste todo?
Dif you find everything?

EMILIA
Mm
Mm.

They kiss.

EPIFANÍA
¿Ya te vas?
Are you leaving?

EMILIA
Tengo que estar en la casa antes de
que los niños se despierten.
I have to be back home before the kids wake up.

EPIFANÍA
¿Tienes hijos?
You have children?

EMILIA
Sí, o más bien no… pero es lo
mismo.
Yes, well, no, but it’s the same.

Epifanía smiles.

EPIFANÍA
¿Cómo que es lo mismo?
What do you mean "it's the same"?

EMILIA
Su padre murió, yo soy su tía.
Their father died. I’m their aunt.

A beat.

EPIFANÍA
¿Vamos a volvernos a ver?
Can I see you again?

EMILIA
¿Quieres? (como sorprendida) ¿De
veras?
You want to? (surprised) Really?

Epifanía takes Emilia into her arms.


EMILIA (CONT’D)
Ámame, protégeme. Siempre quiero
eso …
Love me, protect me. I always want that...

The two women entwined.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In a cozy, cluttered house, Emilia prepares coffee and shares her emotional story with Epifanía, revealing her struggles as an aunt after her brother's death. Their heartfelt conversation deepens their bond, culminating in a warm embrace that signifies their mutual longing for love and connection, promising future meetings.
Strengths
  • Intimate character development
  • Emotional depth
  • Authentic dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Low conflict level
  • Limited plot progression

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene is beautifully crafted, with a strong emphasis on character development and emotional depth. The intimate interaction between Emilia and Epifanía is poignant and heartfelt, drawing the audience into their relationship and emotions.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of finding a sense of home and connection in unexpected places is compelling and well-executed in the scene. The focus on the relationship between Emilia and Epifanía adds depth to the characters and explores themes of love and protection.

Plot: 8.5

While the scene does not have a traditional plot progression, it is crucial for character development and emotional depth. The interaction between Emilia and Epifanía reveals important aspects of their personalities and sets the stage for future developments.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the theme of family dynamics and relationships, with authentic dialogue and character interactions.


Character Development

Characters: 9.5

The scene delves deep into the characters of Emilia and Epifanía, showcasing their vulnerabilities, desires, and emotional connections. The intimate moment between them reveals layers of their personalities and sets the stage for further exploration.

Character Changes: 8

Both Emilia and Epifanía experience emotional growth and vulnerability in the scene, deepening their connection and revealing new aspects of their personalities. The scene sets the stage for further character development and exploration.

Internal Goal: 8

Emilia's internal goal in this scene is to feel at home and find a sense of belonging that she has never had before. This reflects her deeper need for connection and stability.

External Goal: 7

Emilia's external goal in this scene is to return home before the children wake up. This reflects the immediate circumstances and responsibilities she is facing.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 3

The scene has a low level of conflict, focusing more on the emotional connection between Emilia and Epifanía. The conflict arises from their past experiences and vulnerabilities, adding depth to their relationship.

Opposition: 6

The opposition in the scene is subtle, with underlying tensions and conflicts that add depth to the characters' interactions.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes in the scene are relatively low, focusing more on the emotional connection between Emilia and Epifanía. The scene explores themes of love, protection, and relief, adding depth to the characters and their relationships.

Story Forward: 7

While the scene does not significantly move the main plot forward, it is crucial for character development and emotional depth. The interaction between Emilia and Epifanía sets the stage for future developments and relationships.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected emotional revelations and shifts in the characters' relationships.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the difference between Emilia's role as a mother figure to her nieces and her own identity as their aunt. This challenges her beliefs about family and responsibility.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9.5

The scene has a high emotional impact, drawing the audience into the intimate and heartfelt moment between Emilia and Epifanía. The themes of love, protection, and relief evoke strong emotions and resonate with the audience.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue in the scene is simple yet effective, conveying the emotions and intentions of the characters. The interactions between Emilia and Epifanía are heartfelt and authentic, adding depth to their relationship.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the emotional depth of the characters and the intimate interactions that draw the audience into their world.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by allowing moments of emotional resonance to unfold naturally, without feeling rushed or slow.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is well-executed, with clear scene headings and dialogue formatting that enhances readability.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with a clear progression of events and character interactions.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures a moment of intimacy and connection between Emilia and Epifanía, showcasing their developing relationship. The dialogue feels natural and reflects their emotional states, particularly Emilia's sense of belonging and Epifanía's warmth.
  • The use of bilingual dialogue adds authenticity to the characters and their cultural background, enhancing the scene's emotional depth. However, the translation could be more fluid; some lines feel slightly awkward in their English phrasing, which may disrupt the reader's immersion.
  • The setting is vividly described, with the peeling blue paint and religious imagery creating a strong visual atmosphere that complements the characters' emotional states. However, the description could benefit from more sensory details, such as sounds or smells, to further immerse the audience in the scene.
  • The emotional arc of the scene is clear, with Emilia's happiness contrasting with her complicated family situation. However, the transition from Emilia's joy to the more serious undertones of her past could be more pronounced to heighten the emotional stakes.
  • The ending, while tender, feels somewhat abrupt. The line 'Ámame, protégeme. Siempre quiero eso …' is powerful, but it could be expanded upon to explore Emilia's vulnerability further, allowing the audience to feel the weight of her request.
Suggestions
  • Consider revising the English translations of the dialogue to ensure they flow more naturally and maintain the emotional weight of the original Spanish.
  • Add more sensory details to the setting description, such as the sounds of the neighborhood or the aroma of the coffee, to create a richer atmosphere.
  • Enhance the emotional transition by incorporating Emilia's internal thoughts or reflections on her past as she interacts with Epifanía, deepening the audience's understanding of her character.
  • Expand the final lines to explore Emilia's vulnerability and desire for connection, perhaps by adding a brief internal monologue that reflects her fears or hopes regarding their relationship.
  • Consider using more visual cues or actions to illustrate the characters' emotions, such as body language or facial expressions, to enhance the scene's emotional impact.



Scene 44 - A Song of Unspoken Love
INT. EPIFANÍA’S HOUSE - DAY

Emilia begins to sing. Epifanía does not seem to see her
although they are in the same frame. She begins her day: washing
up, dressing, housekeeping. All her gestures are weighed down by
love.

Start of EL AMOR

EMILIA
Medio él, medio ella
Medio papá, medio tía
Medio rica, medio pobre,
Medio jefe, medio reina
Medio aquí, medio acá
Half He, half She
Half dad, half aunt
Half rich, half poor,
Half boss, half queen
Half there, half here

Medio muerto, medio viva
Medio dentro, medio fuera
Medio todo, medio nada
¿Quién soy?, no lo sé
Yo soy lo que siento
Y por primera vez,
Siento un sentimiento,
La vida sin amor
Fue como una caída
¡Ah! qué alegría
hacer el amor con amor
Half dead, half alive
Half inside, half outside
Half everything, half nothing
Who am I, I don't know
I am what I feel
And for the first time,
I feel a feeling,
Life without love
was like an endless fall
Oh! what a joy
to make love with love

Medio real, medio falsa
Medio tierna, medio dura
Medio malo, medio buena
Vacío, llena
Medio naco, medio gringa
Personaje y persona
(MORE)
EMILIA (CONT’D)
Medio flor, medio tumba
Caja fuerte y herida abierta
Half real, half fake
Half tender, half hard
Half bad, half good
Empty, full
Half peasant, half brash
Character and person
Half flower, half grave
Armor and open wound


Quién soy no lo sé
Yo soy una mentira
¿Cuándo, cómo decirle?
Sería una locura
La vida con un secreto
Es como una tortura
Quisiera amarla entera
Entera como el mundo
Who I am I don't know
I am a lie
When, how can I tell her? It would be madness
Life with a secret
Is torture
I'd like to love her entirely
as the whole world

EPIFANÍA
Emilia, Emilia

EMILIA
Epifanía

EPIFANÍA
Emilia

EMILIA
Epifanía

EMILIA (CONT’D)
Medio mí , medio ella
Medio dos, medio misma
Medio abajo, arriba
Al principio y al final
Half me,
half her
Half a couple, half alone
Half down, half up
At the beginning and at the end

¿Quién soy?, no lo sé
Nací hace un instante
Nací de su deseo
Nací de su vientre
La vida sin deseo fue como una montaña,
Ahora mi deseo
Me lleva a un río.
Estoy enamorada!
(MORE)
EMILIA (CONT’D)
Estoy enamorada
Enamorada
Enamorada
Who am I, I don't know
I was born an instant ago
I was born from her desire
I was born from her womb
Life without desire was like a mountain
Now my desire takes me to a river
I am in love! I am in love
In love
In love

EPIFANÍA
Emilia, Emilia

EMILIA
Epifanía

EPIFANÍA
Emilia

EMILIA
¡Estoy enamorada!
I'm in love!

End EL AMOR
Genres: ["Musical","Drama"]

Summary In a sunlit room, Emilia passionately sings a heartfelt song about her identity and secret love, revealing her internal struggles and contradictions. While she expresses her emotions through music, Epifanía remains absorbed in her daily chores, highlighting a disconnect between them. Emilia's lyrics convey her confusion and longing, culminating in a joyful yet unresolved declaration of love, '¡Estoy enamorada!', leaving her emotional turmoil lingering in the air.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Musical performance
Weaknesses
  • Minimal plot progression
  • Low external conflict

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys deep emotions and character development through the musical performance, creating a poignant and introspective moment that resonates with the audience.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of using a musical performance to explore themes of love, identity, and desire is innovative and adds depth to the scene, enhancing the audience's understanding of the characters.

Plot: 7.5

While the plot progression is minimal in this scene, the focus on character development and emotional exploration adds richness to the overall story.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh approach to exploring themes of love and identity through the use of song lyrics and poetic dialogue. The authenticity of the characters' emotions and struggles adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The scene delves deep into the characters of Emilia and Epifanía, revealing their vulnerabilities, desires, and personal growth, making them compelling and relatable to the audience.

Character Changes: 8

Both Emilia and Epifanía undergo significant emotional growth and self-discovery during the scene, leading to a deeper understanding of their desires and vulnerabilities.

Internal Goal: 9

Emilia's internal goal in this scene is to come to terms with her own identity, desires, and emotions. The song lyrics reflect her inner turmoil and the journey towards self-discovery.

External Goal: 7

Emilia's external goal is to express her feelings and emotions to Epifanía, to communicate her love and desire for connection.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 4

The conflict in the scene is internal, focusing on the characters' emotional struggles and desires rather than external conflicts, adding depth to their development.

Opposition: 6

The opposition in the scene is subtle, with the characters' internal conflicts and desires creating tension and uncertainty. The audience is left wondering about the outcome of Emilia's emotional revelations.

High Stakes: 3

The stakes in the scene are primarily emotional, focusing on the characters' internal struggles and desires rather than external threats, adding depth to their personal journeys.

Story Forward: 6

While the scene does not significantly move the main plot forward, it adds depth to the characters and sets the stage for their emotional journeys and personal growth.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable in terms of the characters' emotional revelations and the unfolding of their internal conflicts. The audience is kept engaged by the unexpected twists and turns.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the themes of identity, truth, and desire. Emilia grapples with her own sense of self and the complexities of love and desire.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking feelings of love, longing, and hope through the heartfelt musical performance and the characters' emotional revelations.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue in the scene is minimal due to the musical nature of the performance, but the lyrics effectively convey the characters' emotions and inner thoughts.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the emotional depth, lyrical dialogue, and the characters' internal struggles and desires. The audience is drawn into the intimate and introspective atmosphere of the scene.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and emotion, with the rhythm of the song lyrics and the characters' interactions creating a sense of intimacy and introspection.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and follows the expected format for a screenplay, with dialogue and action descriptions effectively conveying the emotions and themes of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format with the introduction of the song 'El Amor' and the interaction between Emilia and Epifanía. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the emotional impact of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene effectively uses song as a narrative device to explore Emilia's internal conflict and emotional state. The lyrics are poignant and reflect her struggle with identity and love, which adds depth to her character.
  • The juxtaposition of Emilia singing while Epifanía goes about her daily routine creates a powerful contrast between Emilia's emotional expression and Epifanía's mundane tasks. This highlights the theme of love's presence in everyday life, but it could be enhanced by showing more of Epifanía's reactions to Emilia's song.
  • The repetition of 'Half' in the lyrics emphasizes Emilia's feelings of being incomplete and her duality, which is a strong thematic element. However, the song's structure could benefit from a clearer progression or climax to maintain the audience's engagement throughout.
  • The dialogue between Emilia and Epifanía is minimal, which works well to create a sense of intimacy. However, incorporating more interaction or acknowledgment from Epifanía during the song could strengthen their connection and make the moment feel more reciprocal.
  • The emotional tone of the scene is warm and intimate, but it risks becoming overly sentimental. Balancing the heartfelt moments with subtle humor or tension could add complexity and keep the audience invested.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding brief moments where Epifanía reacts to Emilia's singing, whether through facial expressions or small gestures, to create a more dynamic interaction between the two characters.
  • Revise the song's structure to include a more defined climax or resolution, perhaps by building up to a powerful emotional moment that encapsulates Emilia's feelings more dramatically.
  • Introduce a visual element that symbolizes Emilia's internal struggle, such as a specific object in the room that represents her feelings of love and identity, to enhance the scene's emotional impact.
  • Incorporate a moment of silence or pause after Emilia's declaration of love to allow the weight of her feelings to resonate with both Epifanía and the audience, creating a more profound emotional connection.
  • Consider exploring the theme of secrecy further by having Emilia express her fears about revealing her feelings to Epifanía, which could add tension and depth to the scene.



Scene 45 - Empowerment in the Office
INT. LA LUCECITA OFFICES - DAY

The two women are in Emilia’s office. Emilia looks out the
window. La Lucecita is in full swing. Hustle and bustle in
the corridors. Women in waiting rooms. ÁNGEL and Diego are
having snacks in the cafeteria, etc... Emilia surprises Rita
looking at her.

EMILIA
¿Qué?
What is it?

RITA
Te admiro…
I admire you...

EMILIA
Ah mira, qué chingón.
Oh shit.

RITA
¿Dónde aprendiste eso?
Where did you learn all this?

EMILIA
¿…?
…?


RITA
Estás cambiando la vida de la gente
Emilia… No sólo la de ellos, la
mía, la de todos. Yo estudié toda
la vida ¿y qué hice cuando acabé?
Ayudar a los ricos a ser más ricos,
y a los puercos a ser más puercos.
You’re changing people’s lives, Emilia… Not only theirs.
Mine too. Everyone’s. I studied my whole life and what
did it get me? I helped rich people get richer and gross
people become grosser.

EMILIA
Rita ¿estás bien?
Rita, are you all right?

EMILIA (CONT’D)
Ya tengo cuarenta años Emilia… mi
vida amorosa es un desierto y mi
vida profesional una pinche cloaca.
I’m 40, Emilia… My love life is a disaster. My work life,
a sewer.

Emilia places her hand on Rita’s.

EMILIA (CONT’D)
¿Qué te puedo decir?
What can I say?

RITA
Nada.
Nothing.

A beat.

EMILIA
¿Qué esto no existiría sin ti?
That none of this would exist without you?

RITA
Gracias.
That’s kind.

EMILIA
Es cierto. Está es tu vida
profesional. Puedes estar
orgullosa… ¿A poco no?
It’s the truth. It’s your professional life. You can be
proud of it. Isn't that right?

Rita’s eyes are shining.

On a computer screen: a muted report on the Veracruz
excavations: the images of the mass graves, the body bags...
then, Emilia and Rita interviewed in front of the site.

Rita points to the screen.


RITA
Vamos a incomodar a muchas
personas. ¿No te da miedo ?
We may upset a lot of people. Doesn’t that scare you?

Emilia thinks.

EMILIA
Creo que me vale madres.
I don’t think I give a shit now.

Rita nods and smiles.


EXT. STREET - NIGHT

Rita walks alone in a busy street. She seems to know where she
goes and knows the door she pushes. It is the one of a night
bar.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In Emilia's office at La Lucecita, Rita expresses her admiration for Emilia and shares her disillusionment with her past career helping the wealthy. Emilia comforts Rita, reminding her of her valuable contributions and encouraging her to take pride in her work. They discuss the potential backlash they may face for their efforts, with Emilia showing indifference to the consequences. The scene concludes with Rita walking confidently into a bar at night, symbolizing a new direction in her life.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Thematic resonance
Weaknesses
  • Lack of external conflict
  • Limited plot progression

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene is well-crafted, with strong character development, emotional depth, and thematic resonance. The dialogue is poignant, revealing the inner thoughts and struggles of the characters. The scene effectively sets up future conflicts and resolutions.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene revolves around personal growth, professional fulfillment, and the transformative power of helping others. It explores themes of self-discovery, resilience, and the pursuit of meaningful work.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene focuses on the evolving relationship between Emilia and Rita, as well as their individual struggles and aspirations. It sets up future conflicts and resolutions, driving the narrative forward.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on personal and professional fulfillment, blending dark and light tones effectively. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and relatable.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Emilia and Rita are well-developed, with distinct personalities and motivations. Their interactions reveal depth, vulnerability, and growth, adding layers to the overall story. The scene effectively showcases their emotional journey.

Character Changes: 8

Both Emilia and Rita undergo subtle but significant changes in the scene, revealing their vulnerabilities, aspirations, and personal growth. The emotional connection between the characters deepens, setting the stage for future developments.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to come to terms with her professional and personal life, feeling a sense of dissatisfaction and longing for something more meaningful.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to confront the challenges of her work and make a bold decision that may upset others but is necessary for her own growth and fulfillment.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

The conflict in the scene is more internal and emotional, focusing on the personal struggles and aspirations of the characters. While there are underlying tensions and challenges, the primary focus is on self-reflection and growth.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to challenge the protagonist's beliefs and decisions, creating a sense of uncertainty and conflict that drives the narrative forward.

High Stakes: 6

While the stakes are not overtly high in this scene, the emotional and personal growth of the characters, as well as the impact of their work on others, add depth and significance to the narrative.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by deepening the relationship between Emilia and Rita, setting up future conflicts and resolutions, and exploring the themes of personal growth and the transformative power of helping others.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable in the sense that the characters' decisions and emotional revelations are not entirely expected, adding a layer of intrigue and complexity to the narrative.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the protagonist's realization of the impact of her work on others and the need to prioritize her own values and beliefs over societal expectations.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, drawing the audience into the intimate moments and personal revelations of the characters. The heartfelt dialogue, character interactions, and thematic depth evoke strong emotions and empathy.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene is poignant, reflective, and emotionally resonant. It delves into the inner thoughts and feelings of the characters, driving the emotional impact of the scene and setting up future developments.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its emotional depth, character development, and the tension between the characters' internal struggles and external challenges.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotional resonance, allowing for moments of reflection and character interaction to unfold naturally.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions, character dialogue, and transitions between locations.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a coherent structure with a clear progression of events and character interactions, fitting the expected format for its genre.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures a moment of vulnerability and connection between Emilia and Rita, showcasing their emotional struggles and the impact of their work. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext; while Rita expresses admiration, the depth of her disillusionment with her past could be explored further to enhance the emotional stakes.
  • Emilia's response to Rita's admiration feels somewhat dismissive at first, which could be interpreted as a lack of engagement. It might be more impactful if Emilia reciprocated Rita's feelings with a personal anecdote or a moment of reflection that reveals her own insecurities or fears about their work.
  • The transition from the intimate conversation to the computer screen showing the muted report on the Veracruz excavations is visually striking but could be better integrated. The juxtap of their personal conversation with the grim reality of their work is powerful, yet it feels slightly abrupt. A smoother transition or a more explicit connection between their dialogue and the images could enhance the emotional weight.
  • Rita's line about helping 'rich people get richer and gross people become grosser' is a strong statement, but it could be made even more impactful by providing a specific example or a brief flashback that illustrates her past work. This would ground her disillusionment in a concrete experience, making her transformation more relatable.
  • The ending of the scene, where Rita walks confidently into a bar, is a strong visual cue of her newfound determination. However, it might be beneficial to include a brief moment of hesitation or reflection before she enters, emphasizing the internal conflict she faces as she steps into a new chapter of her life.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more subtext to the dialogue, allowing the characters to express their feelings indirectly. This can create a richer emotional landscape and engage the audience more deeply.
  • Enhance Emilia's character by having her share a personal story or a moment of vulnerability in response to Rita's admiration, which would create a stronger bond between the two characters.
  • Integrate the transition to the computer screen more smoothly, perhaps by having Emilia's thoughts lead directly into the visuals of the report, reinforcing the connection between their conversation and the harsh realities they face.
  • Provide a specific example from Rita's past work to illustrate her disillusionment, making her transformation more relatable and impactful for the audience.
  • Add a moment of hesitation or reflection for Rita before she enters the bar, emphasizing her internal conflict and the significance of this new step in her life.



Scene 46 - Nightlife Revelations
INT. NIGHTCLUB - NIGHT

Dark atmosphere, other music, another ambience.

Six men turn towards us, undressing us with their eyes.

Rita bellies up to the bar, next to a hot guy. She orders a
drink. When it arrives, she feels the guy’s hand run over her
body. She likes what she feels. And she doesn’t mind him
whispering in her ear.

Noise and laughter from another room. One laugh in particular.

Rita breaks free…

RITA
Espera aquí, ahora vuelvo.
Wait, I’ll be right back.

… and goes to the other room.

In the other room, at a table in the back, people are laughing
and drinking. Hugged to a thin man, Gustavo Brun, Jessi is the
queen bee. Their hands, loaded with jewels, join on the white
tablecloth. Jessi sees Rita. She calls to her:

JESSI
¡Ey, Rita!
Hey, Rita!

Rita approaches. Jessi introduces everyone:

JESSI (CONT’D)
Gustavo, mi amigo... y los otros.

My friend Gustavo... and the others.

RITA
Buenas noches... buenas noches “los
otros”.
Good evening... good evening, "the others".

JESSI
(presentándola) Santa Rita, mi
ángel de la guardia. (a Rita)
Siéntate un momento.
(introducing her) Saint Rita, my guardian ÁNGEL. (to
Rita) Sit down for a moment.

RITA
... tengo un amigo esperándome
abajo.
... I have a friend waiting for me downstairs.

She sits down.

JESSI
¿Estás en una misión o sólo
divirtiéndote?
Are you on a mission or just having fun?

RITA
Sólo me divierto.
Just having fun.

JESSI
¡¿Tú?! ¿divirtiéndote?
You?! having fun?

RITA
... Yo sé, hasta me suena raro
decirlo.
... I know, I hesitated before saying it.

JESSI
Pensé que te devolvías a Londres.
I thought you were going back to London.

RITA
Me estoy dando un tiempo. ¿Y tú?
¿qué tal el regreso a México?
I'm taking some time off. How about you? How is the
return to Mexico?

JESSI
De poca madre.
Awesome.

RITA
¿Y qué haces?
What are you doing?


JESSI
¿Esta noche? Aún no sabemos.
Tonight? We don't know yet.

She turns to Gustavo.

JESSI (CONT’D)
¿Qué hicimos ayer?
What did we do yesterday?

They kiss.

Start 4M26 MI CAMINO

It is as if Jessi and Gustavo were entering hyperspace: night
clubs, strobo lights, naked girls, men and women with
pixelated faces, extravagant outfits, flashing lights, night
stores, windows breaking, bills changing hands... Jessi and
Gustavo kissing, the image turning into a negative...

JESSI (CONT’D)
Si me caigo en la barranca
Es MI barranca
Si me doblo del dolor
Es MI dolor
Si me mando al séptimo cielo
Es MI cielo
Si me equivoco de camino
Igual
If I fall of a cliff
It’s MY cliff
If I double over in pain
It’s MY pain
If I go to seventh heaven
It’s MY heaven
If I go down the wrong path
Who cares?

Cuando salgo mucho de fiesta
Cuando me porto como una perra
Cuando soy la señora perfecta
Cuando digo “sí” para decir “no”
Quiero, quiero
When I party a lot
When I act like a bitch
When I’m the perfect woman
When I say “yes” to say “no”
I want, I want

Quiero quererme a mí misma
Querer sí mi vida
Querer sí lo que siento
I want to love myself
I want to love my life
(MORE)
JESSI (CONT’D)
To love what I feel



Quiero quererme a mí misma
Quererme así toda
Quererme así como soy
I want to love myself
To love myself fully
To love myself as I am

Quiero amar
A la niña que no me dejaron ser
Quiero amar
A la abuela en la que a lo mejor me
voy a volver
Quiero amarme cada día, cada hora,
cada segundo
Soy y eso me basta
Eso es ser una mujer, ¿no?
I want to love
The little girl that they wouldn’t let me be
I want to love
The old lady that I may become one day
I want to love myself every day, every hour, every
second
I am, and that’s enough
That’s what being a woman is, right?

Quiero amarme como quiero que me
amen
I want to love myself the way I want to be loved
Amén

Quiero quererme a mí misma
Querer sí mi vida
Querer sí lo que siento
I want to love myself
I want to love my life
To love what I feel

Quiero quererme a mí misma
Quererme así toda
Quererme así como soy
I want to love myself
To love myself fully
(MORE)
JESSI (CONT’D)
To love myself as I am

Si me caigo en la barranca
Es MI barranca
Si me doblo del dolor
Es MI dolor
Si me mando al séptimo cielo
Es MI cielo
Si me equivoco de camino
Igual
Es mi camino
If I fall of a cliff
It’s MY cliff
If I double over in pain
It’s MY pain
If I go to seventh heaven
It’s MY heaven
If I go down the wrong path
Who cares?
It’s my path



Quiero quererme a mí misma
Querer sí mi vida
Querer sí lo que siento
I want to love myself
I want to love my life
To love what I feel

Quiero quererme a mí misma
Quererme así toda
Quererme así como soy
I want to love myself
To love myself fully
To love myself as I am

Cuando salgo mucho de fiesta
Cuando me porto como una perra.
When I party a lot
When I act like a bitch

END OF 4M26 MI CAMINO
Genres: ["Drama","Romance"]

Summary In a lively nightclub, Rita chooses to leave a flirtatious encounter at the bar to join her friend Jessi, who is celebrating her return to Mexico with Gustavo and their friends. As they share laughter and drinks, Rita expresses her desire for fun, contrasting her previous seriousness. The scene transitions into a vibrant montage where Jessi sings an empowering anthem about self-love and identity, reflecting on her experiences and desires. The atmosphere is both celebratory and introspective, culminating in Jessi's powerful performance that leaves a lasting impression of empowerment.
Strengths
  • Intimate character interactions
  • Emotional depth
  • Exploration of self-love and empowerment themes
Weaknesses
  • Limited plot progression
  • Reliance on dialogue for emotional impact

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively combines sensuality, intimacy, and reflection to delve into the characters' inner thoughts and emotions, creating a compelling and engaging atmosphere.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring themes of self-love, empowerment, and personal growth in a nightclub setting is innovative and provides a unique backdrop for character development and introspection.

Plot: 7.5

While the scene focuses more on character interactions and introspection than plot progression, it still contributes to the overall narrative by deepening the audience's understanding of the characters' motivations and struggles.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh perspective on nightlife and self-discovery, with authentic character interactions and emotional depth that set it apart from typical nightclub scenes.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters in the scene are well-developed, with complex emotions and personal growth arcs that are effectively portrayed through their interactions and dialogue.

Character Changes: 8

The characters undergo significant emotional growth and introspection in the scene, leading to personal revelations and shifts in their perspectives.

Internal Goal: 8

Rita's internal goal in this scene is to have fun and let loose, despite her hesitations and uncertainties. This reflects her desire for freedom and enjoyment in the moment.

External Goal: 7

Rita's external goal is to socialize and connect with her friends in the nightclub, showcasing her desire for companionship and belonging.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

While there is some tension and conflict in the scene, particularly in the characters' inner struggles and relationships, it is not the primary focus.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting desires and emotions driving character interactions and revealing deeper layers of the characters' personalities.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes in the scene are more personal and emotional, focusing on the characters' inner struggles and relationships rather than external conflicts.

Story Forward: 7

While the scene does not significantly move the main plot forward, it deepens the audience's understanding of the characters and their motivations, setting the stage for future developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected emotional revelations and character dynamics that challenge traditional narrative expectations.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the idea of self-love and acceptance, as expressed through Jessi's monologue about wanting to love herself fully. This challenges traditional societal expectations and norms about women's roles and self-perception.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, drawing the audience into the characters' personal journeys and struggles, evoking empathy and connection.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue in the scene is engaging, intimate, and reflective, effectively conveying the characters' inner thoughts and emotions while driving the narrative forward.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its dynamic character interactions, emotional depth, and thematic exploration of self-acceptance and empowerment, drawing the audience into the characters' world.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotional depth, with a rhythmic flow that enhances the impact of character interactions and revelations.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene's formatting adheres to industry standards, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting that enhance readability and flow.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with well-paced dialogue and character interactions that build tension and intrigue, fitting the expected format for its genre.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the vibrant nightlife atmosphere, which is essential for establishing the setting and mood. However, the transition from the bar to the other room could be smoother. The abrupt shift in focus from the hot guy to Jessi feels a bit jarring and could benefit from a more gradual build-up or a clearer motivation for Rita's decision to leave.
  • Rita's dialogue is somewhat passive, especially when she says she's just having fun. This could be an opportunity to deepen her character by exploring her internal conflict or desires more explicitly. The audience might benefit from understanding what 'fun' means for Rita in this context, especially after her previous disillusionment.
  • Jessi's character shines in this scene, particularly with her confident and playful demeanor. However, the introduction of Gustavo and the other characters feels a bit rushed. More distinct characterization or dialogue could help the audience connect with them and understand their dynamics better.
  • The song lyrics are powerful and convey a strong message of self-love and empowerment, which aligns well with the themes of the screenplay. However, the transition into the song feels abrupt. A more seamless integration of the song into the narrative could enhance the emotional impact and maintain the flow of the scene.
  • The visual elements, such as the nightclub's atmosphere and the imagery of the montage, are engaging but could be more descriptive. Adding sensory details about the sights, sounds, and even smells of the nightclub could immerse the audience further into the scene.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of internal reflection for Rita before she leaves the hot guy, perhaps indicating her thoughts on her past or her current emotional state. This could create a stronger connection to her character.
  • Enhance the introduction of Gustavo and the other characters by giving them distinct traits or quirks in their dialogue or actions. This will help the audience remember them and understand their roles in the scene.
  • Smooth out the transition into the song by incorporating a lead-in dialogue or action that naturally flows into Jessi's performance. This could involve Rita encouraging Jessi to sing or a moment where the music starts to play in the background.
  • Add more sensory details to the nightclub setting, such as the pulsing lights, the thumping bass, or the scent of alcohol and sweat, to create a more immersive experience for the audience.
  • Consider using a visual motif or recurring element throughout the scene that ties back to Rita's journey or emotional state, reinforcing the themes of self-discovery and empowerment.



Scene 47 - Morning Tensions
INT. EMILIA’S VILLA - DAY

Emilia finishes having breakfast with the children, who are
playing Fortnite. A cheerful atmosphere. Emilia looks fulfilled.

Out the window, she suddenly sees a silhouette in the garden:
Jessi coming home from an interminable night out.

The two women’s eyes meet through window glass. Emilia
discreetly points to the children and shakes her head ‘no’.


Jessi disappears in the stairway.


EXT. EMILIA’S VILLA - DAY

Emilia accompanies the children out to the porch, where their
driver-bodyguard is waiting.

She hands them their school bags.

EMILIA
Hasta la tarde amores, vengo a
buscarlos a la salida.
See you this afternoon, my little darlings. I’ll pick you
up after school.

She gives them a kiss.

She goes upstairs. The corridor that leads to Jessi’s room seems
inordinately long.

She knocks. Since there is no answer she enters.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary Emilia enjoys a cheerful breakfast with the children, who are engrossed in playing Fortnite. She discreetly signals to Jessi, who has just returned home from a night out, to avoid disturbing the kids. After sending the children off with their driver-bodyguard, Emilia heads upstairs to check on Jessi, knocking on her door but receiving no response. The scene captures the warmth of family life contrasted with the underlying tension of Jessi's lifestyle choices.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Intimate connection between characters
  • Character vulnerability
Weaknesses
  • Lack of significant plot progression
  • Low stakes

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys a sense of intimacy and emotional depth between the characters, creating a poignant moment of connection.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of showcasing a quiet, intimate moment between characters is well-executed, adding depth to their relationship.

Plot: 7.5

While the plot does not significantly progress in this scene, the focus on character development and emotional connection adds depth to the overall story.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on family dynamics and personal relationships, exploring the complexities of loyalty and responsibility in a wealthy setting. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds depth to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The scene delves into the emotional depth and vulnerability of Emilia and Jessi, allowing for significant character development.

Character Changes: 8

Both Emilia and Jessi experience emotional growth and vulnerability in the scene, deepening their characters.

Internal Goal: 8

Emilia's internal goal in this scene is to maintain a sense of normalcy and stability for her children despite the unexpected arrival of Jessi. This reflects her deeper need for control and protection over her family.

External Goal: 7

Emilia's external goal is to manage the situation with Jessi discreetly and without causing any disruption to her children's routine.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 3

The scene lacks significant conflict, focusing more on emotional exploration and character development.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, as Emilia faces a dilemma between her loyalty to her children and her relationship with Jessi.

High Stakes: 4

The stakes are relatively low in this scene, focusing more on emotional connection and character development.

Story Forward: 6

While the scene does not significantly move the plot forward, it adds depth to the characters and their relationships.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected arrival of Jessi and the tension between Emilia's loyalty to her children and her relationship with Jessi.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between loyalty to family and personal relationships. Emilia's loyalty to her children conflicts with her relationship with Jessi, leading to a dilemma of prioritizing one over the other.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, drawing the audience into the intimate and vulnerable moment shared between Emilia and Jessi.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is minimal but impactful, conveying the unspoken emotions and connection between the characters.

Engagement: 8

This scene is engaging because of the subtle tension and emotional depth in the interactions between characters. The audience is drawn into the conflict and relationships portrayed.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, leading to a climactic moment with Jessi's arrival.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings, dialogue formatting, and descriptive elements.

Structure: 9

The scene follows a clear structure with well-defined character interactions and progression of events. It effectively sets up the conflict and resolution.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes a contrast between Emilia's nurturing role as a mother and Jessi's reckless behavior, which is hinted at through the visual of Jessi returning home after a night out. This contrast adds depth to both characters and sets up potential conflict, but it could be enhanced by providing more context about Jessi's night and its implications for her relationship with Emilia and the children.
  • Emilia's discreet signaling to Jessi about the children is a strong visual cue that conveys her protective instincts. However, the scene could benefit from more internal dialogue or emotional reflection from Emilia to deepen the audience's understanding of her feelings towards Jessi's lifestyle and its impact on the children.
  • The dialogue is minimal, which can be effective in conveying tension and atmosphere, but it may leave the audience wanting more insight into the characters' thoughts and motivations. Adding a few lines of internal monologue or a brief exchange between Emilia and the children could enrich the scene.
  • The description of the corridor leading to Jessi's room as 'inordinately long' is a good visual metaphor for the emotional distance and tension between the two women. However, this could be further emphasized through Emilia's physical actions or hesitations as she approaches Jessi's room, reflecting her apprehension.
  • The transition from the cheerful breakfast scene to the more tense atmosphere of Emilia approaching Jessi's room is effective, but the pacing could be improved. The scene feels slightly rushed, and allowing for a moment of stillness or reflection after Emilia sends the children off could heighten the emotional stakes.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief internal monologue for Emilia as she watches Jessi, reflecting on her concerns about Jessi's lifestyle and its potential impact on the children. This would provide more depth to her character and clarify her motivations.
  • Incorporate a short dialogue exchange between Emilia and the children before they leave for school. This could serve to highlight Emilia's nurturing side and further contrast with Jessi's behavior.
  • Enhance the tension by showing Emilia's physical hesitations or emotional reactions as she walks down the long corridor to Jessi's room. This could include her taking a deep breath or pausing to gather her thoughts before knocking.
  • Consider expanding on the visual imagery of the garden and the villa to create a more vivid setting that reflects the emotional tone of the scene. This could include sensory details that evoke the atmosphere of the morning.
  • Allow for a moment of stillness after Emilia sends the children off, perhaps showing her watching them leave with a mix of pride and concern. This could create a stronger emotional transition into the next part of the scene.



Scene 48 - Confrontation in the Shadows
INT. VILLA JESSI’S BEDROOM - DAY

The room is dark. We hear Jessi through the bathroom door.

Jessi comes out in her bathrobe, drying her hair. She does not
notice Emilia watching her from the shadows.

A beat:

EMILIA
Jessi…
Jessi…

Jessi jumps.

JESSI
¡Ay güey! ¡Me espantaste!
Fuck, you scared me!

EMILIA
Toqué. Solo quería decirte: tú eres
libre de hacer lo que quieras,
pero…
I knocked. I wanted to tell you: you’re free to do as you
please, but…

JESSI
Sí, sí, ya sé, los niños…
Yes, I know, the children…


EMILIA
Sólo tener algo de cuidado…
Just be a little careful…

JESSI
¡Ya te dije que ya sé!
I already told you I know!

After a while, in a sudden way.

JESSI (CONT’D)
Me voy a casar.
I am getting married.

EMILIA
¿Qué? ¿Con quién?
What? With whom?

JESSI
Con Gustavo.
With Gustavo.

EMILIA
El tipo del que…
The guy who…

JESSI
Sí.
Yes.

Emilia looks at Jessi.

EMILIA
¿Estás segura? ¿No crees que te
estás precipitando?
Are you sure? You don’t think this is a little hasty?

JESSI
Hace cinco años que estoy
esperando.
I’ve waited for 5 years.

EMILIA
Bueno, adelante entonces. Si tú
eres feliz, yo también.
Well, go ahead then. If you're happy, so am I.

Emilia opens the arms, the two women hug each other.

EMILIA (CONT’D)
Y, ¿ya sabes dónde van a vivir?
Do you know where you're going to live?

JESSI
Estamos buscando una mansión en
Polanco.
We're looking for a villa in Polanco.


EMILIA
Ah, sí… ¿Y los niños?
Really. What about the children?

JESSI
¿Los niños qué?
What about them?

EMILIA
Se quedan aquí.
They stay here.

JESSI
Ah, no, ¿por qué? Van a vivir con
nosotros.
No. Why? They're going to live with us.

Beat.

Taking it upon herself.

EMILIA
¿Y dónde está esa mansión de
Polanco? ¿Al menos tiene jardín?
Where is this house in Polanco? Is there a garden?

JESSI
Sí, tiene todo lo necesario.
Yes, it has everything needed.

EMILIA
¿Y hay buenas escuelas en Polanco?
Are there good schools in Polanco?

JESSI
Todavía no vemos.
We haven’t looked yet.

A beat. Emilia’s gaze hardens.

EMILIA
Cuando dices “los niños van a vivir
con nosotros” ¿quieres decir: vivir
contigo y con tu padrote?
When you say "the children are gonna live with us", you
mean you and your pimp?

JESSI
¿Qué?
Excuse me?

EMILIA
Que tú vas a donde se te dé la gana
con tu pinche padrote, pero los
niños se quedan aquí.
Go wherever the fuck you want with your stupid pimp, but
the kids stay here.


JESSI
¡¿!Mi padrote!?! ¿Y tú quién
chingados te crees para decirme eso
pinche vieja lencha? ¿Quieres que
yo también te diga algo de tu
putita?
My pimp?! And who the fuck do you think you are, you
fucking old dyke? Do you want me to tell you something
about your little whore too?

Jessi tries to hit Emilia who pushes her on the sofa. Emilia
grabs a vase, hesitates to smash her skull, then shatters it
on the ground near Jessi.

EMILIA
¡Tú no tocas a mis hijos y punto!
You don't touch my children, period!

Emilia goes away.

JESSI
¿!¿Tus hijos!?! ¿!¿TUS HIJOS!?!
¿¡¿TE VOLVISTE LOCA O QUÉ?!?
¡SON MIS HIJOS!
Your children!?! Your children?!? Have you lost it or
what? They're my children!
Genres: ["Drama","Conflict","Relationship"]

Summary In Jessi's dimly lit bedroom, Emilia confronts her about her engagement to Gustavo, expressing concern for the children living with them. The discussion quickly escalates into a heated argument, with Emilia accusing Jessi of recklessness and referring to Gustavo derogatorily. Jessi retaliates with insults, leading to a tense standoff where Emilia threatens Jessi with a vase before storming out, leaving Jessi in disbelief over Emilia's claims regarding the children.
Strengths
  • Intense emotional conflict
  • Revealing character dynamics
  • Compelling dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Physical altercation may be too intense for some audiences

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene is intense and emotionally charged, with strong character dynamics and revelations that significantly impact the story.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring conflicting viewpoints on family and relationships is compelling and adds depth to the characters.

Plot: 8.5

The plot is significantly advanced through the confrontation, revealing key character dynamics and setting the stage for future developments.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh approach to family dynamics and conflicts, with authentic dialogue that captures the characters' emotions realistically.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Emilia and Jessi are well-developed and their interactions in this scene showcase their complex relationship and individual motivations.

Character Changes: 8

Both Emilia and Jessi undergo significant emotional changes during the scene, leading to a deeper understanding of their characters.

Internal Goal: 8

Jessi's internal goal is to assert her independence and decision-making in her personal life, particularly regarding her upcoming marriage and living arrangements.

External Goal: 7

Jessi's external goal is to communicate her marriage plans and living arrangements to Emilia, seeking approval and understanding.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between Emilia and Jessi is intense and drives the emotional intensity of the scene, revealing underlying tensions and motivations.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting goals and values between the characters creating a tense and uncertain atmosphere.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in terms of family relationships and personal boundaries, adding tension and emotional weight to the scene.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward by revealing key character dynamics and setting the stage for future conflicts and developments.

Unpredictability: 8

The scene is unpredictable due to the sudden escalation of conflict and unexpected actions of the characters.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict is between Jessi's desire for autonomy and Emilia's protective instincts towards the children, challenging their beliefs about family and responsibility.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions from the audience, particularly through the raw and confrontational interactions between the characters.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is confrontational and emotionally charged, effectively conveying the conflicting emotions and perspectives of the characters.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its intense emotional conflict and dramatic dialogue, keeping the audience invested in the characters' interactions.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged in the characters' emotional turmoil.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows standard screenplay formatting, making it easy to read and understand.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a traditional dramatic structure, building tension and conflict effectively.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes tension between Emilia and Jessi, showcasing their conflicting views on parenting and relationships. However, the dialogue can feel a bit on-the-nose at times, particularly when Emilia directly accuses Jessi of being reckless. This could be more subtly implied through their actions and reactions rather than explicitly stated.
  • The emotional stakes are high, but the pacing feels uneven. The initial conversation flows naturally, but the sudden escalation into a physical confrontation feels abrupt. This shift could benefit from a more gradual build-up to maintain tension and realism.
  • Jessi's character comes across as defensive and aggressive, which is effective in conveying her emotional state. However, it might be beneficial to provide a moment of vulnerability or reflection for her, allowing the audience to empathize with her situation rather than solely viewing her as combative.
  • Emilia's protective instincts are clear, but her motivations could be explored further. Why is she so adamant about the children staying with her? Adding a line or two that hints at her past experiences or fears could deepen her character and make her stance more relatable.
  • The use of Spanish adds authenticity to the dialogue, but it may alienate non-Spanish-speaking audiences. Consider incorporating more context or translation for key phrases to ensure all viewers can follow the emotional weight of the conversation.
Suggestions
  • Introduce a moment of silence or a shared memory between Emilia and Jessi before the argument escalates. This could serve to highlight their past relationship and make the conflict feel more impactful.
  • Consider adding physical actions or gestures that reflect the characters' emotional states. For example, Emilia could fidget with an object or Jessi could pace, which would visually convey their anxiety and tension.
  • Incorporate a brief flashback or a line that hints at Emilia's past struggles with motherhood or loss, which would provide context for her fierce protectiveness over the children.
  • Explore Jessi's motivations for marrying Gustavo more deeply. Perhaps she could express a desire for stability or a fear of being alone, which would add layers to her character and make her decisions more understandable.
  • To enhance the climax of the scene, consider having Emilia hesitate longer before breaking the vase, allowing the audience to feel the weight of her decision and the emotional turmoil she is experiencing.



Scene 49 - Fractured Bonds
EXT. STREET - NIGHT

Two guys are beating up a third, who slips under a car to escape
the beatings. The camera passes under the car: we recognize
Gustavo Brun.

Once he stops moving, one of his assailants slips a fat wad of
money into his pocket and whispers into his ear.

HENCHMAN (O.S.)
Tienes 100 mil dólares en la bolsa
del pantalón. Te largas de la
ciudad y no te vuelves a acercar a
menos de 80 kilómetros. Si
desobedeces, te corto los brazos y
se los doy de comer a los perros.
¿Entendiste?
There’s a hundred thousand dollars in your pocket. Leave
Mexico City and never come back within 50 miles. If you
do, I’ll cut off your arms and feed them to the dogs.
Understand?


INT. EMILIA’S VILLA - DAY

Early morning. Followed by the maids, Emilia hurries from room
to room: the closets and drawers in both the children’s room and
Jessi’s have been emptied.


EMILIA
¿A qué hora se fueron?
At what time did they leave?

MAID
No sé señora, todo mundo estaba
durmiendo…
I don't know, ma'am. Everyone was asleep…

EMILIA
¿No dejó una nota?
She didn't leave a note?

MAID
No encontré ninguna, señora.
I didn't find one, ma'am.

Emilia calls Jessi. Straight to voicemail. She leaves a message:

EMILIA
(al teléfono) Soy yo Jessi… no
entiendo… no entiendo por qué
hiciste eso… tenemos que hablar,
llámame.
(On the phone) Jessi, it's me… I don't understand… I
don't understand why you've done this… We need to talk.
Call me back.

The screen splits in three: Emilia to the left, Jessi in her car
to the right and Rita in the middle at the Lucecita offices. The
three women speak and sing at the same time.

Start 5M28a Trio Emilia/Rita/Jessi

EMILIA (CONT’D)
Se fue con los niños
Con los míos y todas las cosas
A Polanco sin dudas
Con su chulo
No puede hacer eso
Sí, está bien, es su madre
¿Pero entonces qué soy yo?
¡No la dejaré hacer esto!
She ran away with the children
With my children and she took everything with her
She went to Polanco for sure
With her pimp
She can't do that
Okay, she's their mother
But what am I then?
I won't let her do that!

RITA
Cálmate
Tranquila
Calma
(MORE)
RITA (CONT’D)
Tranquilízate
Cálmate
Calm down
Easy
Calm down
Get a hold on yourself

JESSI
Me cortó los víveres
Me cortó la lana
Cerró la llave
No funciona ninguna tarjeta
Todas mis cuentas están bloqueadas
¿Entiendes algo tú?
¿Me quiere robar a mis hijos y ahora mi
lana?
She cut me off!
I don't even have enough to buy food
She took all my money
She turned off the money tap
No more credit cards working
All my accounts are frozen
Do you understand anything?
She wants to steal my children
and now she wants to steal my money?

RITA
Cálmate
Calm down.

EMILIA + JESSI
¡Me quiere robar a mis hijos!
She wants to steal my children!

RITA
Calma
Tranquila
Calma
Tranquilízate
Calma
Calm down
Calm
Control yourself
Calm down

EMILIA
¿Cómo pude casarme con esa perra?
¡¿Cómo pude casarme con esa
ingrata?!
How could I have married that awful pig?
How could I have married that ungrateful sow!

RITA
Lo hubieras pensado antes.
¡¿Qué crees?¡ ¿Que puedes manipular
a la gente a tu antojo?
¡Eso era en otra vida! ¡Ahora ya no
es lo mismo!

You should have thought of that before
What do you think?
That you can manipulate people as much as you want?
That was before?
Now it's not the same!

JESSI
¿Cómo pude vivir con esa cabrona ?
¿Cómo pude confiar en esa pendeja?
How could I live with that bitch?
How could I trust that slut?

RITA
Calma
No entiendo por qué hizo eso
Hablaré con ella
Lo solucionaré
Arreglaré las cosas
Calm down
I don't understand why she did this
I'll talk to her
I'm going to fix it.
It's going to be all right.


JESSI
Es la lana de Manitas
¡Mi marido!
¡La lana que me dejó cuando murió!
It's Manitas' money.
My husband!
The money he left me
when he died!

RITA
Calma
Take it easy

JESSI
¡Mi lana!
My money!

EMILIA
No puede hacerme eso
She can't have done such a thing

RITA
¿Cómo pudiste hacer eso?
¡Chingá!
¿ No pudiste habérmelo dicho antes?
And you, how could you do such a thing?
Shit!
Couldn't you have told me about it before?

JESSI
¿Cómo tiene acceso a mis cuentas?
How come she's got access to my accounts?


RITA
Cálmate
Tranquila
Fue la voluntad de Manitas, tu
marido
Quería protegerte
Calm down
It was in your husband Manitas' will
He wanted to protect you

EMILIA
¡Quiero a mis hijos!
I want my children!

RITA
Si quieres recuperar a tus hijos
Tendrás que apagar el fuego
If you want your children back
you'll have to put out the fire


EMILIA
¡Quiero a mis hijos!
I want my children back!

RITA
Hay que apagar el fuego
You have to put out the fire

End 5M28a Trio
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary Gustavo Brun is threatened by henchmen who force him to leave the city after slipping money into his pocket. Meanwhile, Emilia frantically searches for her missing children, only to discover that Jessi has taken them and emptied their home. A split-screen reveals the emotional turmoil of Emilia, Jessi, and Rita as they express their frustrations and fears. Emilia feels betrayed, Jessi feels wronged, and Rita attempts to mediate the escalating conflict. The scene ends with Rita urging Emilia to resolve the underlying issues to regain control and reunite with her children.
Strengths
  • Intense emotional impact
  • Compelling character development
  • High-stakes conflict
Weaknesses
  • Potential for confusion with split-screen format

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys intense emotions, high stakes, and significant character development. The use of split-screen enhances the impact of the dialogue and actions, creating a compelling and engaging sequence.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of betrayal, confrontation, and desperation is effectively portrayed in the scene, creating a compelling and intense moment that drives the narrative forward.

Plot: 8.5

The plot is advanced significantly through the high-stakes confrontation and emotional turmoil experienced by the characters. The scene adds depth to the relationships and conflicts within the story.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh take on themes of betrayal and family loyalty, with authentic dialogue and realistic character actions. The writer's original voice shines through in the intense emotional conflicts portrayed.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters' emotions, motivations, and conflicts are well-developed in the scene, showcasing their individual struggles and reactions to the unfolding events. The dialogue and actions reveal layers of complexity within each character.

Character Changes: 8

The characters undergo significant emotional changes and revelations during the scene, particularly in response to the betrayal and confrontation. Their relationships and dynamics are altered, setting the stage for further development.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to regain control and protect her family in the face of betrayal and loss. This reflects her deeper need for security and stability in her life.

External Goal: 7.5

The protagonist's external goal is to find her missing children and confront the person responsible for their disappearance. This reflects the immediate challenge she is facing and the urgency of the situation.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is intense and high-stakes, driven by the characters' emotional turmoil, desperation, and betrayal. The confrontation between the characters escalates the tension and highlights the personal stakes involved.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with characters facing difficult challenges and conflicting motivations. The audience is left unsure of how the conflicts will be resolved, adding to the suspense.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in the scene, with the characters facing betrayal, desperation, and emotional turmoil that threaten their relationships and personal well-being. The consequences of their actions have significant implications for the story.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward significantly by deepening the conflicts, relationships, and emotional stakes within the narrative. The betrayal and confrontation have lasting repercussions that drive the plot in new directions.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists and turns in the characters' actions and dialogue. The audience is kept on edge as they try to anticipate the outcome of the conflicts.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the themes of trust, betrayal, and family loyalty. The characters' beliefs and values are challenged as they navigate the complex relationships and power dynamics at play.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, eliciting strong feelings of anger, desperation, and betrayal from the characters and the audience. The intense emotions and conflicts drive the scene's impact and resonance.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is intense, emotional, and impactful, effectively conveying the characters' inner turmoil, desperation, and betrayal. The exchanges between the characters drive the conflict and tension of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense emotional content, complex relationships, and high stakes. The dialogue and character interactions draw the audience in and create a sense of urgency and suspense.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and suspense, allowing the emotional beats to land effectively, and keeping the audience engaged throughout.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings, dialogue formatting, and action descriptions. The split-screen technique adds visual interest and enhances the storytelling.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness in building tension and drama.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the escalating tension between Emilia, Jessi, and Rita, showcasing their emotional turmoil and conflicting desires. The use of a split-screen technique is a strong visual choice that emphasizes the simultaneous struggles of the three characters, allowing the audience to grasp the urgency of the situation.
  • The dialogue is dynamic and reflects the characters' personalities well. Emilia's desperation, Jessi's anger, and Rita's attempts to mediate create a compelling emotional landscape. However, the rapid-fire exchanges can be overwhelming, making it difficult for the audience to fully absorb each character's perspective. This could benefit from moments of pause or reflection to allow the audience to digest the emotional weight of the dialogue.
  • The use of Spanish phrases adds authenticity to the characters and their cultural context, but it may alienate viewers who do not understand the language. Providing subtitles or context clues could enhance accessibility without losing the scene's authenticity.
  • The scene's pacing is frenetic, which suits the urgency of the situation, but it risks losing clarity. The transitions between characters could be smoother, and the emotional beats could be more pronounced to ensure that the audience feels the weight of each character's plight.
  • The thematic elements of motherhood, betrayal, and financial control are compelling, but they could be further developed. For instance, exploring Emilia's feelings of loss and Jessi's feelings of betrayal in more depth could add layers to their conflict and make their motivations clearer.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding brief moments of silence or slower pacing between the rapid exchanges to allow the audience to absorb the emotional stakes. This could be achieved through visual cues or pauses in dialogue.
  • Incorporate visual elements that reflect the characters' emotional states, such as close-ups or changes in lighting, to enhance the scene's emotional impact.
  • Provide subtitles for the Spanish dialogue to ensure that all viewers can follow the conversation without losing the authenticity of the characters' voices.
  • Explore the backstory of Emilia and Jessi's relationship further, perhaps through flashbacks or internal monologues, to deepen the audience's understanding of their conflict and motivations.
  • Consider refining the dialogue to ensure that each character's voice is distinct and clear, which will help the audience follow the conversation more easily and connect with the characters on a deeper level.



Scene 50 - Under Siege and Missed Connections
EXT/INT. EMILIA’S CAR - DAY

Emilia sitting in the back of her limousine. Her head churns
with ideas, like black clouds. She looks focused on the electric
wires that appear and disappear as they should. And then, as if
it were obvious:

EMILIA
Se va a morir.
She is going to die.

The driver’s screams wake her out of her daydream. The car
swerves. She sees two pixelated faces. Their automatic weapons
fire. The windshield shatters…

She lies on the back seat, opens her bag and sees her Glock
shining inside.

Inside the bag, the Glock, black.

Black.


EXT/INT LUCECITA WAITING ROOM - EVENING

Evening. Epifanía sits on a bench in the waiting room. She
watches the personnel leave, wishing each other “Good Night. See
you tomorrow.” Rita is in her office, putting away her things.
Just as she is about to leave, she sees a woman waiting on a
bench.

She opens her office window.

RITA
Las oficinas abren de las 9 de la
mañana a las 5 de la tarde, ya
estamos por cerrar. ¿Tenía cita?
The offices are open from 9 to 5. We’re closing. Did you
have an appointment?

EPIFANÍA
Sí… bueno, no, no aquí.
Yes… well, no, not here.

RITA
¿Le puedo ayudar?
May I help you?

EPIFANÍA
Tenía cita con la señora Pérez.
I had an appointment with Mrs. Pérez.

Rita looks at her closely. Bemused.

RITA
¿Su nombre es…?
What’s your name?

EPIFANÍA
Epifanía Flores.
Epifanía Flores.

RITA
¿Tú eres Epifanía?
You’re Epifanía?

EPIFANÍA
Sí, tú eres Rita, ¿no?
Yes. You’re Rita, right?

RITA
Sí, buenas noches.
Yes, good evening.

EPIFANÍA
Buenas noches.
Good evening.


The two women smile at each other for a beat. Slightly
embarrassed.

RITA
Bueno, ya está.
Well, it's done...

EPIFANÍA
¿Qué?
What is?

RITA
Al fin nos conocemos. Ya
era hora ¿Habían quedado de verse?
We’ve finally met. It was about time, wasn’t it? Had you
planned to see each other?

EPIFANÍA
Sí, pero como no llegó, me
preocupé.
Yes, but she didn’t show up, so I got worried.

RITA
Sube. (señala la escalera)
Me imagino que le habrás marcado,
¿no?
Come. (pointing to the stairs) I guess you called her?
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In a tense scene, Emilia sits in her limousine, preoccupied with a looming threat, when armed assailants attack, shattering the windshield and forcing her to prepare for a confrontation. Meanwhile, in a calm waiting room, Epifanía anxiously awaits a missed appointment with Mrs. Pérez and meets Rita, who expresses surprise at their encounter and shares concerns about the absent patient. The scene juxtaposes Emilia's urgent danger with Epifanía's nervous anticipation, leaving both conflicts unresolved.
Strengths
  • Effective tension and mystery
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Intriguing character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Lack of significant character development
  • Subtle conflict

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively sets up a tense and mysterious atmosphere, introducing new characters and hinting at potential conflicts. The dialogue is engaging, and the interaction between Rita and Epifanía adds depth to the narrative.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of introducing a new character through a mysterious encounter at the Lucecita headquarters is intriguing and adds depth to the narrative. It sets the stage for potential conflicts and character development.

Plot: 8.5

The plot of the scene revolves around the unexpected encounter between Rita and Epifanía, adding a layer of mystery and tension to the story. It moves the narrative forward by introducing new elements and potential conflicts.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a familiar scenario of a sudden attack but adds a twist with the luxury setting and mundane waiting room scene. The dialogue feels authentic and adds depth to the characters.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters of Rita and Epifanía are intriguing and well-developed, with the scene hinting at their backgrounds and motivations. Their interaction adds depth to the story and sets the stage for future developments.

Character Changes: 7

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, it hints at potential growth and development for Rita and Epifanía. The encounter sets the stage for future character arcs and reveals subtle details about the characters.

Internal Goal: 8

Emilia's internal goal is to survive the attack and protect herself. This reflects her fear of death and desire for self-preservation.

External Goal: 7

Emilia's external goal is to escape the attackers and ensure her safety. This reflects the immediate challenge she is facing.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict in the scene is subtle but effective, hinting at potential tensions between Rita and Epifanía. The encounter sets the stage for future conflicts and adds intrigue to the narrative.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Emilia facing a life-threatening situation and Epifanía encountering bureaucratic obstacles. The audience is unsure of how these challenges will be resolved.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes in the scene are subtly hinted at, with the encounter between Rita and Epifanía setting the stage for potential conflicts and challenges. It adds intrigue to the narrative and engages the audience in the characters' journey.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing new characters and potential conflicts. It adds depth to the narrative and sets the stage for future developments, engaging the audience in the characters' journey.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the sudden attack in the car and the unexpected meeting between Epifanía and Rita in the waiting room.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the juxtaposition of luxury and danger, highlighting the fragility of life and the unpredictability of circumstances. This challenges Emilia's beliefs about control and security.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7.5

The scene evokes a sense of curiosity and concern in the audience, drawing them into the mysterious encounter between Rita and Epifanía. The emotional impact is subtle but effective, setting the stage for future developments.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene is engaging and natural, effectively conveying the tension and mystery of the encounter between Rita and Epifanía. It reveals subtle details about the characters and hints at potential conflicts.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it combines suspenseful action with character-driven dialogue, keeping the audience invested in Emilia's survival and Epifanía's interaction with Rita.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and transitions between the action in the car and the dialogue in the waiting room, maintaining the audience's interest.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting adheres to standard screenplay format, making it easy to follow the action and dialogue. Scene headings and character names are clear.

Structure: 9

The scene follows a clear structure with a buildup of tension, action, and resolution. It effectively transitions between the two settings to maintain pacing.


Critique
  • The scene effectively transitions from a high-stakes moment in Emilia's car to a quieter, more introspective moment in the Lucecita waiting room. This contrast creates a compelling narrative rhythm, but the abrupt shift may leave the audience disoriented. The connection between Emilia's impending danger and Epifanía's waiting could be more explicitly drawn to enhance thematic cohesion.
  • Emilia's internal conflict is introduced with the line 'Se va a morir,' which is impactful but could benefit from additional context. The audience may not fully grasp the weight of this statement without a clearer understanding of who is in danger and why. Providing a brief flashback or a visual cue could deepen the emotional resonance of this moment.
  • The dialogue between Rita and Epifanía is functional but lacks depth. While it serves to establish their identities and relationship, it feels somewhat stilted. The exchange could be enriched with subtext or emotional stakes that reflect their respective situations, making their interaction more engaging.
  • The scene's pacing is uneven. The tension in Emilia's car is abruptly cut off by the slower-paced dialogue in the waiting room. Consider using a more gradual transition or intercutting between the two locations to maintain tension and keep the audience engaged.
  • The visual descriptions are minimal, particularly in the waiting room. More vivid imagery could enhance the atmosphere and help the audience visualize the setting. For example, describing the waiting room's ambiance or the expressions on the characters' faces could add layers to the scene.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief flashback or visual cue to clarify the significance of Emilia's statement about someone dying, enhancing the emotional weight of the moment.
  • Infuse the dialogue between Rita and Epifanía with more subtext or emotional stakes to create a deeper connection between the characters and engage the audience more effectively.
  • Experiment with pacing by intercutting between Emilia's tense situation and the waiting room dialogue to maintain a sense of urgency and keep the audience invested.
  • Enhance the visual descriptions in the waiting room to create a more immersive atmosphere, allowing the audience to better visualize the setting and the characters' emotions.
  • Explore Emilia's internal thoughts further during the car scene to provide insight into her state of mind, which could help the audience empathize with her character and understand her motivations.



Scene 51 - A Disturbing Revelation
INT. LUCECITA OFFICES - EVENING

Epifanía has joined Rita, who is on the phone.

RITA
Soy yo, márcame cuando oigas
el mensaje. (tapa el auricular) ¿Le
digo que estás aquí?
It’s me. Call me when you get this message. (covering the
phone) Can I tell her you’re here?

Epifanía nods.

RITA (CONT’D)
Aquí está Epifanía, te espera
conmigo. Llama pronto.
Epifanía is here. We’re waiting together. Call back.

She hangs up.

EPIFANÍA
Ya le marqué cuatro veces.
I called her four times.


RITA
Tenía una cita antes, y nadie la
vio… quién sabe qué chingados
andará haciendo.
She had an appointment before, and she didn’t show up
either. I don’t know what the hell she’s up to.

They look at each other.

RITA (CONT’D)
Se me hace curioso eso de
conocerte antes de conocerte.
Emilia me habla mucho de ti.
It’s strange, I feel like I’ve already met you. Emilia
speaks so much about you.

EPIFANÍA
(sorprendida) ¿Habla de mí? ¿Qué
dice?
(surprised) About me? What does she say?

RITA
No te preocupes. Cosas de mujeres
enamoradas. Desde que se
conocieron, parece que tuviera
quince años. Una quinceañera,
efusiva.
Don’t worry. Woman-in-love stuff. Since you met, she’s
like a teenager. A 15-year-old girl took her place.

Smiles. A beat.

EPIFANÍA
A mí también me habla de ti.
She talks about you too.

RITA
¿Ah sí?
Really?

Epifanía hesitates.

RITA (CONT’D)
¡Ya dime pues!
Go on, spit it out!

EPIFANÍA
Que eres como su hermana. Que le
cambiaste la vida.
You’re like a sister. You changed her life.

Rita stiffens.

RITA
¿Qué vida?
What life?


EPIFANÍA
Ay, pues no sé, su vida…
I don’t know, her life…

RITA
¿Cuándo cambié su vida yo?
When did I change her life?

Epifanía is unsettled by Rita’s change of tone.

EPIFANÍA
¿…?
…?

RITA
¿Te habló de ella? ¿De su vida?
¿Qué te contó?
Did she speak about herself? What did she tell you?

EPIFANÍA
Nada… me habló de su familia,
de sus sobrinos que quiere mucho…
Me dijo que todo esto (apunta a La
Lucecita) es gracias a ti. Que tú
la habías vuelto inteligente y
generosa...
Nothing. She told me about her family, her nephews. She
adores them… She said that all this… (pointing to La
Lucecita) is thanks to you. That you turned her into
someone smart and generous…

Rita calms down.

EPIFANÍA (CONT’D)
¿Qué? ¿Metí la pata?
Did I make a mistake?

RITA
No, no, para nada. Perdón,
estoy muerta del cansancio. Es un
poco exagerado pero me conmueve,
sí, me conmueve. Creo que tú y yo
somos sus únicas amigas.
No, no, not at all. I'm sorry, I'm exhausted. It's a bit
of an overstatement but I’m moved, yes, I’m touched. I
think you and I are her only friends.

Rita’s phone rings. She answers.

RITA (CONT’D)
¿Sí…? Soy yo.
Yes? It’s me…

Epifanía looks at her.

RITA (CONT’D)
¿Usted dónde está?

Where are you?

She goes to the window. She sees flashing police lights and then
four police officers.

Epifanía is at the office window. She watches Rita speak with
the officers for some time. Suddenly Rita looks at Epifanía.
Rita has her hand clasped over her mouth, as if to hold back
tears or stifle a scream.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In the Lucecita offices, Epifanía and Rita share a heartfelt conversation about their mutual friend Emilia, with Rita initially defensive about her influence on Emilia's life. As they bond over their concern for Emilia, the mood shifts dramatically when Rita notices police outside, leading to her emotional distress as she grapples with the implications of the situation.
Strengths
  • Nuanced character interactions
  • Emotional depth
  • Intriguing dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Lack of immediate action or resolution
  • Subtle conflict

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively builds tension and emotion through the interactions between the characters, setting up intriguing dynamics and hinting at deeper conflicts to come.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring the unspoken connections and tensions between the characters is well-executed, adding depth to the relationships and hinting at future developments in the story.

Plot: 8

The plot is advanced through the interactions and revelations in the scene, setting up future conflicts and character arcs. The scene adds layers to the overall narrative and hints at the complexities to come.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces fresh dynamics in female friendships, explores hidden emotions and secrets, and delves into the complexities of personal transformation. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed and their interactions reveal deeper layers of their personalities and relationships. Emilia, Rita, and Epifanía each bring a unique perspective to the scene, adding depth to the story.

Character Changes: 7

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the interactions and revelations hint at potential shifts in dynamics and relationships in the future.

Internal Goal: 8

Epifanía's internal goal is to navigate the complex dynamics of her relationship with Emilia and Rita, while also uncovering hidden truths and emotions. This reflects her deeper need for connection and understanding.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to support Rita and navigate the unfolding situation with the police officers. This reflects the immediate challenge of unexpected events and potential danger.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict in the scene is subtle but palpable, with tensions simmering beneath the surface between the characters. The conflict sets the stage for future confrontations and developments.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting emotions and hidden agendas creating tension and uncertainty. The audience is left unsure of how the characters will navigate the unfolding events.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are moderate in this scene, with tensions and conflicts brewing between the characters but no immediate life-threatening situations. However, the emotional and relational stakes are high.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by setting up future conflicts, character developments, and plot twists. It adds depth to the narrative and hints at the complexities to come.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected arrival of the police officers and the hidden emotions and secrets revealed through the characters' interactions.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the themes of loyalty, friendship, and personal transformation. It challenges the protagonist's beliefs about trust, honesty, and the complexity of human relationships.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene has a strong emotional impact, with the characters' interactions and revelations evoking feelings of concern, curiosity, and empathy. The emotional depth adds layers to the relationships and hints at future developments.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is engaging and reveals the tensions and emotions between the characters effectively. It adds depth to their relationships and hints at future conflicts and developments.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its tense atmosphere, emotional depth, and intriguing character dynamics. The unfolding events keep the audience hooked and invested in the story.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and suspense, while also allowing for emotional moments and character development. The rhythm of the dialogue adds to the overall impact of the scene.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and easy to follow, with proper use of dialogue tags and scene descriptions. It adheres to the expected format for its genre.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the effectiveness of the scene.


Critique
  • The dialogue effectively captures the tension and concern between Rita and Epifanía regarding Emilia's absence. However, the emotional stakes could be heightened by incorporating more subtext in their conversation, allowing the audience to sense the underlying fears and anxieties about Emilia's safety.
  • Rita's initial defensiveness when discussing her impact on Emilia's life feels somewhat abrupt. This could be smoothed out by providing a clearer emotional transition that explains why Rita reacts this way, perhaps hinting at her own insecurities or fears of being replaced.
  • The scene's pacing is generally good, but it could benefit from more visual descriptions to enhance the atmosphere. For instance, describing the office's ambiance or the expressions on the characters' faces could deepen the emotional resonance and help the audience visualize the tension.
  • The moment when Rita sees the police lights is a strong visual cue, but it could be more impactful if foreshadowed earlier in the scene. Perhaps subtle hints of danger or unease could be woven into the dialogue or actions leading up to this moment, creating a more cohesive build-up.
  • The use of Spanish adds authenticity, but it may alienate some viewers who do not understand the language. Including subtitles or providing context for key phrases could help maintain engagement without losing the cultural richness.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more internal monologue or reflective moments for Rita to express her worries about Emilia, which would provide depth to her character and enhance the emotional stakes.
  • Introduce a physical action or gesture that symbolizes Rita's emotional state, such as fidgeting with an object or pacing, to visually convey her anxiety about Emilia's whereabouts.
  • Incorporate a brief flashback or memory that Rita has about Emilia, which could serve to illustrate their bond and heighten the emotional impact of her concern.
  • Enhance the visual storytelling by describing the setting in more detail, such as the lighting, decor, or even the sounds from outside, to create a more immersive atmosphere.
  • Consider ending the scene with a more dramatic cliffhanger or emotional beat, such as a direct confrontation with the police or a revelation about Emilia's situation, to leave the audience eager for the next scene.



Scene 52 - The Mysterious Delivery
EXT. MEXICO CITY STREETS - DAY

Feet in sandals pressing pedals. The pedals spin. The bike
zigzags through traffic.

A package on a string swings left and right, depending on the
bike’s tilt.

Upright on the pedals of a bike too big for him, a poorly
dressed 12, 13 year old kid zigzags between cars and
pedestrians.


INT. LUCECITA BUILDING - DAY

He goes upstairs, passing by people weeping, consoling each
other… the atmosphere is funereal.

He finally finds who he was looking for: Rita Mora Castro.

KID
¿Señora Mora Castro?
Señora Mora Castro?

She turns around and sees the kid. He hands her a package
wrapped in newspaper.

KID (CONT’D)
Para usted.
For you.

She hesitates.

RITA
¿Qué es?
What is it?

KID
Me dijeron que se lo diera.
I was told to give it to you.

She takes the package. She is about to ask some more questions
but the kid is already gone.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary A young boy, struggling to ride a bike that's too big for him, navigates the busy streets of Mexico City to deliver a package to Rita Mora Castro at the somber Lucecita building. Upon arrival, he hands her the package wrapped in newspaper, stating he was instructed to deliver it to her. Rita, filled with curiosity and hesitation, is left with the package as the boy quickly departs, leaving her with unanswered questions amidst the atmosphere of mourning.
Strengths
  • Effective setup of mystery and suspense
  • Intriguing introduction of potential conflict
Weaknesses
  • Minimal emotional depth
  • Limited character development

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 7.5

The scene effectively sets up a mysterious and suspenseful tone, introducing a potential plot point that leaves the audience curious about the contents of the package and its significance.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene, focusing on the delivery of a mysterious package, is intriguing and sets up potential conflict or plot development, engaging the audience's curiosity.

Plot: 7

The plot is subtly advanced through the introduction of the mysterious package, hinting at potential future developments or conflicts that could impact the story.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the classic delivery mission trope by incorporating cultural elements and societal structures unique to Mexico City. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds depth to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 7

The characters in the scene, particularly Rita and the young boy, are engaging and help drive the intrigue and suspense of the moment.

Character Changes: 5

There are no significant character changes in the scene, as the focus is more on setting up future developments.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to fulfill his task of delivering the package to Rita Mora Castro. This reflects his desire to follow instructions and complete his mission.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to deliver the package to Rita Mora Castro without any complications. This reflects the immediate challenge of navigating through traffic and finding the right person in a somber environment.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

While there is no overt conflict in the scene, the delivery of the mysterious package hints at potential conflicts or tensions that could arise in the future.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create tension and uncertainty, as Rita Mora Castro's hesitation and questions challenge the protagonist's goal of delivering the package smoothly.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes are moderately high, as the delivery of the mysterious package hints at potential risks or conflicts for the characters involved.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by introducing a potential plot point that could have significant implications for the narrative.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected interactions between the kid and Rita Mora Castro, as well as the mysterious contents of the package. The audience is left wondering about the significance of the delivery.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the tension between duty and curiosity. Rita Mora Castro hesitates to accept the package, questioning its contents, while the kid is focused on completing his task without getting involved in further conversation.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 5

The scene does not focus on emotional depth but rather on building suspense and intrigue through the mysterious delivery.

Dialogue: 6.5

The dialogue in the scene is minimal but effective in conveying the necessary information and setting the tone for the interaction between Rita and the young boy.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its suspenseful atmosphere, dynamic action, and intriguing characters. The audience is drawn into the protagonist's mission and the mystery surrounding the package.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a balance of action and dialogue that maintains tension and suspense. The rhythm of the scene enhances its effectiveness in conveying the protagonist's mission.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene adheres to the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings and dialogue formatting. This enhances the readability and flow of the screenplay.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the effectiveness of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes a sense of urgency and tension through the young boy's delivery of a mysterious package. The contrast between the boy's innocent task and the somber atmosphere of the Lucecita building creates a compelling juxtaposition that heightens the emotional stakes.
  • The visual imagery of the boy navigating through traffic on a bike that is too big for him serves as a metaphor for the challenges he faces, both physically and in the context of the narrative. This detail adds depth to his character and the overall theme of vulnerability in a harsh environment.
  • Rita's hesitation when receiving the package is a strong moment that conveys her apprehension and curiosity. However, the dialogue could be enhanced to reflect her internal conflict more vividly. The current exchange feels somewhat abrupt, and expanding on her thoughts could deepen the emotional impact.
  • The scene's pacing is effective, but it could benefit from a more gradual build-up to the moment of the package's delivery. Adding a few more beats of Rita's reaction or the atmosphere in the building could enhance the tension and anticipation.
  • The boy's quick departure after handing over the package leaves a sense of mystery, but it may also feel a bit rushed. Providing a brief moment where Rita attempts to engage him further could add to the scene's emotional weight and highlight her concern for the situation.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a line or two of internal monologue for Rita as she receives the package, reflecting her fears or suspicions about its contents. This could enhance the tension and provide insight into her character.
  • Expand the dialogue between the boy and Rita slightly to create a more meaningful exchange. Perhaps the boy could express a hint of fear or urgency, which would add to the scene's emotional depth.
  • Incorporate more sensory details to describe the atmosphere in the Lucecita building. For example, mention the sounds of weeping or the smell of incense, which could further immerse the audience in the somber mood.
  • Introduce a brief moment where Rita looks around at the grieving people before focusing on the boy. This could emphasize her emotional state and the weight of the situation she is about to face.
  • Consider ending the scene with a lingering shot of the package in Rita's hands, allowing the audience to feel the weight of the moment and the uncertainty of what lies ahead.



Scene 53 - A Gruesome Delivery
INT. RITA’S OFFICE - DAY

Shut up in her office, Rita slowly unwraps the package. The
newspaper is soaked in blood.

Inside: 5 fingers with Emilia Pérez’s nail polish.

She retches. Vomits into a trash bin.

She is interrupted by her vibrating telephone. On the screen:
EMILIA.

Rita answers.

Start music 5M29a Beatification Emilia/Rita/Gustavo

RITA
¿Emilia?

On the other end, man's spectral voice. A bit over-the-top.

GUSTAVO (O.S.)
No, no es ella.
¿ Recibiste el paquete?
No, it's not her
Did you get the package?

RITA

Yes.

GUSTAVO
¿Puedes contar con los dedos?
Can you count on her fingers?

Rita looks at the fingers in the newspaper.

RITA
¿Tres millones?
Three million?

GUSTAVO
Bueno
Good!

RITA
Quiero oírla
Quiero oír su voz
I want to hear her
I want to hear her voice

EMILIA
¿Rita?
Rita?


RITA
Sí, Emilia…
Yes, Emilia…

EMILIA
Haz lo que te dicen, ¿ ok?
Do as you're told, okay?

RITA
Sí,
Ya voy.
Yes,
I’m coming.

EMILIA
No estoy aquí por casualidad
I am not here by chance

RITA
El tiempo pasó...
Time went by...

EMILIA
Pasó muy rápido
It went by so fast

RITA
Bingo
BINGO

EMILIA
Eso lo digo yo, pendeja
That's what I say, idiot

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Thriller","Drama"]

Summary In her office, Rita unwraps a horrifying package containing a blood-soaked newspaper and five severed fingers painted with Emilia Pérez's nail polish, causing her to vomit in shock. A call from Gustavo confirms the package's contents, leading to a darkly humorous yet tense exchange between Rita and Emilia, who urges her to follow orders. The scene captures Rita's emotional turmoil and dread as she grapples with the gruesome reality of the situation.
Strengths
  • Intense dialogue
  • High emotional impact
  • Effective tension-building
Weaknesses
  • Graphic content may be disturbing to some viewers

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene is highly impactful, creating a sense of dread and anticipation through its intense dialogue and shocking revelation. The tension is palpable, and the stakes are raised significantly.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of the scene, focusing on a threatening package and cryptic phone call, is gripping and sets the stage for further intrigue and danger. It effectively introduces a new level of conflict.

Plot: 9

The plot is advanced significantly in this scene, with the revelation of the package raising the stakes and setting up a new direction for the story. It adds complexity and tension to the narrative.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh take on the crime genre by focusing on the psychological and emotional turmoil of the protagonist. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters, particularly Rita and Emilia, are developed further through their reactions to the situation. Their emotions and motivations are clearly portrayed, adding depth to their personalities.

Character Changes: 9

Rita undergoes a significant change in this scene, moving from shock and fear to a sense of determination and resolve. The experience shapes her character and sets her on a new path.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to confront her past and face her fears. It reflects her deeper need for closure and resolution regarding Emilia Pérez.

External Goal: 7.5

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to follow the instructions given to her by Gustavo and Emilia. It reflects the immediate challenge of dealing with a dangerous situation and making difficult decisions.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is intense and high-stakes, with Rita facing a threatening situation that puts her in a dangerous position. The tension between characters is palpable.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Rita facing difficult choices and conflicting loyalties.

High Stakes: 10

The stakes are extremely high in this scene, with Rita facing a life-threatening situation that could have dire consequences. The danger is palpable and adds urgency to the story.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward by introducing a new threat and raising the stakes for the characters. It sets up a new narrative direction and adds complexity to the plot.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists and turns in the dialogue and actions of the characters.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the struggle between loyalty and self-preservation. Rita must decide whether to obey the demands of Emilia and Gustavo or prioritize her own safety and well-being.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9.2

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking fear, shock, and anxiety in the audience. The gruesome revelation of the package and Rita's reaction create a sense of dread.

Dialogue: 9.2

The dialogue is crucial in building tension and conveying the ominous nature of the situation. It effectively conveys the characters' emotions and the high stakes involved.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense dialogue, suspenseful atmosphere, and emotional depth.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and on edge.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and concise, following the expected format for a screenplay.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, following the expected format for a thriller genre.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension and horror with the shocking discovery of the severed fingers, immediately immersing the audience in Rita's emotional turmoil. However, the transition from the visceral reaction to the phone call feels abrupt. The juxtaposition of the gruesome imagery with the mundane act of answering a phone call could be more seamlessly integrated to maintain the emotional weight.
  • Gustavo's dialogue comes off as somewhat theatrical, which may detract from the gravity of the situation. While a spectral voice can add to the eeriness, the over-the-top nature of his lines risks undermining the tension that has been built up. A more subdued tone could enhance the scene's impact.
  • The dialogue between Rita and Emilia feels somewhat disjointed, particularly with the abrupt shifts in focus from the package to their conversation. The emotional stakes could be heightened by allowing Rita to express more of her fear and desperation in her dialogue, rather than relying on the humor in the exchange.
  • The use of Spanish and English in the dialogue is effective in establishing the characters' cultural backgrounds, but it may confuse some viewers. Providing context or a clearer transition between languages could help maintain clarity without losing authenticity.
  • The scene ends on a somewhat comedic note with Emilia's line about time passing quickly, which feels out of place given the preceding horror. This tonal shift could leave the audience feeling unsettled in a way that detracts from the overall emotional arc of the scene.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of silence or stillness after Rita's initial reaction to the fingers before the phone rings. This could heighten the tension and allow the audience to fully absorb the horror of the moment.
  • Revise Gustavo's dialogue to be more understated and menacing. Instead of being overly theatrical, his lines could reflect a cold, calculated demeanor that aligns with the gravity of the situation.
  • Enhance the emotional connection between Rita and Emilia by allowing Rita to vocalize her fear and urgency more explicitly. This could involve her expressing her desperation to save Emilia in a more heartfelt manner.
  • Maintain consistency in language use throughout the scene. If the characters switch between Spanish and English, consider providing subtitles or context to ensure that all viewers can follow the dialogue without confusion.
  • Reassess the final lines of dialogue to ensure they align with the scene's tone. If humor is intended, it should be carefully balanced to avoid undermining the emotional stakes established earlier in the scene.



Scene 54 - Descent into Darkness
INT. LUCECITA - NIGHT

Start 5M29b BEATIFICATION/DESEO 2

(At first just the music)

The building looks empty. Only one office on the second floor is
lit.

We approach. We discover a dozen men. EL PONCHIS is apparently
their boss. Rita speaks with him. We only see their lips move,
their hands gesture and their heads nod. Weapons being loaded.


INT. RITA’S CAR - EVENING

Rita drives, expressionless. On the passenger seat: two full
bags. On the dashboard, a crackling walkie-talkie.


EXT. RITA’S CAR + COUNTRY ROAD - EVENING

While Rita's car continues a straight trajectory on the deserted
road, two hundred meters behind three pickups follow. On the
platforms, armed men of La Lucecita; within the cab of the lead
pickup La Ponchis, a walkie-talkie in hand.

The convoy suddenly bifurcates: Rita to the left, the rest to
the right. The second truck dims its lights.


INT. GUSTAVO’S CABIN, KITCHEN - NIGHT

First, a half darkness, then, appearing in a dull light, the
silhouette of Emilia under a dirty and bloody sheet.
Exceeding the sheet, we discover her bruised hands packed in
rough cloths.

EMILIA
Jessi…
Jessi!

JESSI
¿Qué?
What?

EMILIA
Dame agua.
Give me some water.

Jessi goes to get a water bottle.

EMILIA (CONT’D)
¿Qué van a hacer conmigo?
What’re you gonna do with me?

JESSI
Recuperar la lana que me robaste,
culera.
Get back the money you stole from me, you bitch.

EMILIA
¿Y luego?
And then?

JESSI
¡Nos vales madre!
We don’t fucking care!

EMILIA
¿Me van a matar?
You’ll kill me?

JESSI
¡Cállate!
Shut up!



Jessi tears off the sheet, discovering the poor head of
Emilia. The water bottle against the lips of Emilia.

A dull light slowly discovers the back of the space in which
the men of Gustavo play cards while smoking joints.

In the opening of a walled window, Gustavo takes a look
outside. He looks at the time on his cell phone.

Gustavo’s POV: headlights in the distance.

GUSTAVO
¡Ahí viene!
She’s coming!
Genres: ["Crime","Thriller","Drama"]

Summary In a tense night scene, Rita drives down a deserted road, followed by armed men led by El Ponchis, while Emilia, bound and bloodied, pleads for water in a dimly lit cabin. Jessi coldly reveals their motive of revenge over stolen money, showing indifference to Emilia's fate. As Gustavo notices headlights approaching, the atmosphere thickens with impending danger, leaving Emilia's life hanging in the balance.
Strengths
  • Intense conflict
  • Strong emotional impact
  • High stakes
Weaknesses
  • Potential for excessive violence
  • Lack of resolution in the scene

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene is well-crafted, with a strong focus on tension, emotion, and character dynamics. It effectively sets up a high-stakes conflict that drives the plot forward.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of betrayal and confrontation in a crime thriller setting is effectively portrayed, adding depth to the characters and advancing the plot.

Plot: 8.5

The plot is driven forward by the intense conflict between Emilia and Jessi, setting the stage for further developments and resolutions.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh approach to the theme of crime and violence, with authentic dialogue and actions that feel true to the characters and setting.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters of Emilia and Jessi are well-developed in this scene, showcasing their conflicting motivations and emotions.

Character Changes: 8

Both Emilia and Jessi undergo significant changes in this scene, as their relationship is tested and their true motivations are revealed.

Internal Goal: 8

Emilia's internal goal is to survive and escape from her captors. This reflects her fear of being killed and her desire to live.

External Goal: 7

Emilia's external goal is to avoid being killed by the men holding her captive. This reflects the immediate challenge she is facing.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The level of conflict in the scene is high, with intense emotions and stakes driving the confrontation between Emilia and Jessi.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Emilia facing a life-threatening situation and uncertain outcome.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in this scene, with betrayal, confrontation, and danger looming over the characters, driving the tension and conflict.

Story Forward: 9

The scene effectively moves the story forward by introducing a major conflict and setting the stage for further developments.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because the audience doesn't know how Emilia's situation will unfold, adding to the tension and suspense.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between the value of human life and the brutality of the criminal world. Emilia values her own life, while Jessi and the other men show a lack of regard for it.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene has a strong emotional impact, with fear, anger, and desperation palpable in the interactions between Emilia and Jessi.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue effectively conveys the tension and emotion of the confrontation between Emilia and Jessi, adding depth to their characters.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the high stakes, intense dialogue, and sense of danger that keeps the audience on edge.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and on edge.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene headings and descriptions of actions and dialogue.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a tense and suspenseful moment in a crime thriller, building tension and setting up a conflict.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension by juxtaposing Rita's calm demeanor with the chaotic and violent situation Emilia finds herself in. This contrast heightens the stakes and creates a sense of impending doom.
  • The dialogue between Emilia and Jessi is sharp and reveals their fraught relationship, but it could benefit from more subtext. While the directness of their conversation is impactful, adding layers of emotional complexity could deepen the audience's engagement with their characters.
  • The use of visual elements, such as the dim lighting and the dirty sheet covering Emilia, effectively conveys the grim atmosphere. However, the scene could be enhanced by incorporating more sensory details to immerse the audience further into the setting, such as sounds of the environment or the physical sensations Emilia experiences.
  • The pacing of the scene is generally good, but the transition between Rita's car and the cabin could be smoother. The abrupt shift might disorient the audience. Consider using a visual or auditory cue that connects the two locations more fluidly.
  • The introduction of Gustavo's character is somewhat abrupt. While his presence is felt through the dialogue, a brief visual introduction or a more detailed description of his actions could help establish his role and significance in the scene.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more subtext to the dialogue between Emilia and Jessi to reveal their emotional states and history without explicitly stating it. This could involve using metaphors or references to their past.
  • Incorporate sensory details to enhance the atmosphere. Describe the sounds of the environment, the smell of the cabin, or the physical sensations Emilia feels to create a more immersive experience.
  • Smooth the transition between Rita's car and the cabin by using a visual or auditory cue, such as the sound of Rita's car approaching or a visual of the headlights illuminating the cabin, to create a more cohesive flow.
  • Introduce Gustavo with a brief visual description or action that establishes his character before he speaks. This could involve showing him interacting with the men or observing the surroundings, which would help ground his presence in the scene.
  • Consider using a more dynamic camera movement or angle to emphasize the tension in the scene, such as a close-up on Emilia's face as she speaks or a wide shot that captures the entire cabin's atmosphere.



Scene 55 - The Ambush at the Quarry
EXT. LANDSCAPE - NIGHT

The face of La Ponchis appears in the frame. Followed by her
men, she slides behind the white rocks of the quarry. She
signals them to stop: a hundred meters below, Rita's pickup
arrives on the road to the cabin.

A panning shot leaves the faces of La Ponchis in combat
position and then sweeps the landscape with the hacienda in
the background and ends in close-up on the door that Rita
opens.

Rita gets down, puts the bag on the floor, arms her gun and
slips it behind her back.


INT. GUSTAVO’S CABIN BAR - NIGHT

Gustavo puts on a pair of night vision goggles.

GUSTAVO
(gritando)¡Apaga la luz!
(shouting) Turn off the light!

The light is turned off.

Gustavo’s POV through his goggles: the car arrives… blinding
headlights… Rita’s white silhouette, suitcases… a tracking shot
over the countryside… and back to Rita… blinding headlights…

GUSTAVO (CONT’D)
(a Rita) ¡Apaga tus faros!
(to Rita) Turn off your headlights!
Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

Summary In a tense night scene, La Ponchis and her men lie in wait behind rocks in a quarry, preparing to ambush Rita as she arrives in her pickup. Rita, determined and armed, steps out of her vehicle while Gustavo, inside the cabin, dons night vision goggles and instructs everyone to turn off the lights to maintain stealth. The atmosphere is charged with suspense as the characters brace for an impending confrontation, with Gustavo urging Rita to extinguish her headlights to avoid detection.
Strengths
  • Tension-building
  • Suspenseful atmosphere
  • High-stakes confrontation
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development in this specific scene

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively builds tension and suspense through its setting, character actions, and dialogue. The use of night vision goggles adds a sense of urgency and danger to the confrontation, keeping the audience engaged.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a tense showdown at a remote location is well-executed in the scene, setting up a climactic moment in the story.

Plot: 8.5

The plot progresses significantly in this scene as Rita prepares for a confrontation at the cabin, raising the stakes and setting up a pivotal moment in the story.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces unique elements such as night vision goggles and criminal activities in a rural setting. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and contribute to the tension of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters' actions and dialogue in the scene effectively convey the tension and high stakes of the situation, adding depth to their motivations and relationships.

Character Changes: 7

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the tension and conflict experienced by the characters may lead to future development.

Internal Goal: 8

La Ponchis' internal goal is to protect her territory and maintain control over her criminal operations. This reflects her need for power and security in a dangerous environment.

External Goal: 7.5

La Ponchis' external goal is to intercept Rita and her men before they reach the cabin. This reflects the immediate challenge she is facing in protecting her territory.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The level of conflict in the scene is high, with tensions running high as Rita prepares to confront her adversaries at the cabin.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the characters facing obstacles and challenges that create uncertainty and suspense.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in this scene as Rita prepares to confront her adversaries at the cabin, risking her life to achieve her goals.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by setting up a crucial confrontation and raising the stakes for the characters.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the characters' criminal activities and the uncertain outcome of their actions.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

There is a philosophical conflict between the characters' criminal actions and the moral implications of their choices. This challenges La Ponchis' beliefs and values as she navigates the consequences of her criminal lifestyle.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes fear and suspense in the audience, creating an emotional impact that heightens the tension of the confrontation.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue in the scene is tense and impactful, adding to the overall suspense and setting up the confrontation between the characters.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its tense atmosphere, action-packed sequences, and high stakes for the characters.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is fast-paced and suspenseful, building tension and maintaining the audience's interest.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene headings and character dialogue.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a suspenseful action sequence, with clear visual descriptions and character actions.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension by using visual cues, such as La Ponchis and her men hiding behind the rocks, which creates a sense of impending danger. However, the transition between the exterior landscape and the interior of Gustavo's cabin could be smoother to maintain the flow of suspense.
  • The dialogue is minimal, which can be effective in heightening tension, but it may benefit from a few more lines that reveal the characters' motivations or emotions. For instance, a brief exchange between La Ponchis and her men could add depth to their camaraderie and the stakes involved.
  • The use of night vision goggles as a visual device is a strong choice, as it emphasizes Gustavo's perspective and the darkness of the situation. However, the description of the POV shot could be more vivid to enhance the reader's immersion in the scene. Consider incorporating sensory details that convey the atmosphere, such as sounds or smells.
  • The pacing of the scene is generally good, but the transition from Rita getting out of the car to Gustavo's actions could be tightened. The reader may benefit from a more immediate connection between Rita's arrival and Gustavo's reaction, which would heighten the urgency of the moment.
  • The visual descriptions are clear, but they could be more evocative. For example, instead of simply stating 'the light is turned off,' consider describing the sudden darkness and how it envelops the scene, creating a more visceral experience for the audience.
Suggestions
  • Add a brief exchange between La Ponchis and her men to establish their camaraderie and the stakes of the situation, enhancing character development.
  • Incorporate more sensory details in Gustavo's POV shot to create a richer atmosphere, such as the sounds of the night or the tension in the air.
  • Tighten the transition between Rita's arrival and Gustavo's actions to create a more immediate sense of urgency and connection between the two characters.
  • Enhance the visual descriptions by using more evocative language to convey the atmosphere, particularly during the moment when the lights are turned off.
  • Consider adding a moment of internal conflict or hesitation for Rita as she prepares for the confrontation, which could deepen her character and increase the stakes of the scene.



Scene 56 - Night of Tension
EXT. LANDSCAPE - NIGHT

Two shots are fired.

Rita throws herself to the ground. The headlights are off.

Rita sees La Ponchis, who addresses a series of strategic signs,
mysterious but reassuring. Rita pretends to understand.


EXT. GUSTAVO’S CABIN + LANDSCAPE - NIGHT

Gustavo’s "night view" POV: the view examines the landscape
from left to right, returns to the shape of Rita on the
ground.

GUSTAVO
Párate y avanza.
Get up and move forward.

The white shape gets up, picks up the bag.

GUSTAVO (CONT’D)
¡Quiero ver tu mano izquierda!
I want to see your left hand!

A white hand rises. Rita moves forward.

Gustavo turns to Jessi:

GUSTAVO (CONT’D)
¡Llévala!
Take her!

Pointing to two of his men:

GUSTAVO (CONT’D)
Tú y tú vienen conmigo. (a los
demás) Ustedes nos cubren.
(a Rita)¡Hasta ahí, no te muevas!
You and you come with me. (to the others) You cover us.
(to Rita) That's it, stay there, don't move!

Gustavo’s "night vision" POV: panning left to right... right
to left... back to Rita and then slowly back to right...
movement of a clear shape behind the rocks...

GUSTAVO (CONT’D)
¡Pinche puta!
Fucking bitch!

He starts firing in bursts. The others follow. The bullets
fly and roll... the flashes of the weapons that strobe the
gestures and make the silhouettes on the walls move...


EXT. LANDSCAPE - NIGHT

Rita has taken shelter behind the pickup. She grabs her gun,
checks the weaponry. What Rita sees:

- La Ponchis waiting for her orders.


- The traces of the bullets above her.


- The cabin drowned in the thick smoke of the weapons.

Rita's eyes are attracted by the cloud of smoke that grows
above the cabin. Suddenly the phenomenon is reversed: instead
of continuing its rise, the smoke flows back to the house,
like water swirling around a sink. The smoke returns to the
house.
Genres: ["Action","Thriller","Drama"]

Summary In a tense night scene, gunshots ring out, forcing Rita to take cover as she follows Gustavo's commands. Using night vision, Gustavo directs his men while firing at unseen threats, creating a chaotic atmosphere filled with danger. Rita, vulnerable yet determined, prepares for confrontation as surreal smoke swirls back towards the cabin, heightening the suspense. The scene captures the escalating conflict and uncertainty as Rita remains in a defensive position, observing the unfolding chaos.
Strengths
  • Intense action sequences
  • Tense atmosphere
  • Mysterious setting
  • Strong character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Possible confusion in the action sequences
  • Limited character development in the heat of the confrontation

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene is well-structured, with a clear purpose of building towards a climactic confrontation. The execution of the action sequences and the use of night vision create a tense and engaging atmosphere, keeping the audience on the edge of their seats.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of a high-stakes confrontation in a dark, mysterious setting is compelling and well-executed. The use of night vision adds a unique twist to the scene, enhancing the visual impact and intensifying the suspense.

Plot: 9.2

The plot is driven by the escalating conflict between characters, leading to a climactic showdown. The scene moves the story forward significantly, setting the stage for the resolution of key conflicts and character arcs.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh approach to a familiar action sequence, incorporating elements of mystery and supernatural phenomena to add a unique twist. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and contribute to the tension of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed and their motivations are clear, driving the tension and conflict in the scene. Each character's actions and dialogue contribute to the overall intensity of the confrontation.

Character Changes: 9

Several characters undergo significant changes during the scene, particularly in their relationships and alliances. The shifting dynamics and revelations lead to character growth and development.

Internal Goal: 8

Rita's internal goal in this scene is to survive and navigate the dangerous situation she finds herself in. This reflects her deeper need for self-preservation and her fear of being caught in the crossfire.

External Goal: 7.5

Rita's external goal is to outmaneuver her enemies and escape the gunfire unscathed. This goal reflects the immediate challenge she faces in the scene.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The level of conflict in the scene is high, with characters facing life-threatening situations and making crucial decisions under pressure. The escalating tension and action sequences contribute to the overall conflict.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the characters facing a life-threatening situation and engaging in a dangerous confrontation. The uncertainty of the outcome adds to the suspense and keeps the audience invested in the characters' fates.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are extremely high in the scene, with characters facing life-threatening situations and making critical decisions that will impact their fates. The intense action and suspense raise the stakes to a dramatic level.

Story Forward: 10

The scene moves the story forward significantly, resolving key conflicts and setting the stage for the climax. The revelations and confrontations propel the narrative towards its resolution, increasing the stakes for the characters.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the sudden reversal of the smoke phenomenon, introducing a supernatural element that adds a layer of mystery and intrigue to the action. The characters' actions and decisions also keep the audience guessing.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the characters' survival instincts and their willingness to resort to violence in order to protect themselves. This challenges Rita's beliefs about morality and the value of human life.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.7

The scene has a strong emotional impact, evoking fear, anger, and determination in the characters and the audience. The high-stakes nature of the confrontation intensifies the emotional resonance of the scene.

Dialogue: 8.8

The dialogue is tense and impactful, reflecting the characters' emotions and motivations in the high-stakes situation. The exchanges between characters heighten the conflict and drive the scene forward.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its high stakes, intense action, and mysterious elements that keep the audience on the edge of their seats. The dynamic character interactions and escalating conflict add to the suspense.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a balance of action, dialogue, and description that maintains the tension and momentum. The rhythm of the scene enhances the effectiveness of the suspenseful moments.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings and concise action descriptions. The dialogue is formatted correctly and enhances the flow of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, building tension through escalating action and character interactions. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the effectiveness of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension through the use of visual and auditory elements, such as the gunshots and the strategic movements of the characters. However, the dialogue could be more impactful. Gustavo's commands feel somewhat generic and could benefit from more character-specific language that reflects his personality and motivations.
  • The use of night vision POV is a strong visual choice, but it could be enhanced by providing more sensory details. For instance, describing the sounds of the environment or the feeling of the cold night air could immerse the audience further into the scene.
  • Rita's actions and reactions are crucial in conveying her emotional state. While she throws herself to the ground, her internal thoughts or feelings could be expressed through brief inner monologue or visual cues, adding depth to her character in this high-stakes moment.
  • The reversal of the smoke phenomenon is a visually striking idea, but it may confuse the audience without proper context. It would be beneficial to foreshadow this surreal element earlier in the script or provide a clearer explanation of its significance to enhance its impact.
  • The pacing of the scene is generally good, but the transition between the tension of the gunfire and the surreal smoke could be smoother. Consider using a moment of silence or a brief pause in action to heighten the contrast between the chaos and the unexpected calm of the smoke's reversal.
Suggestions
  • Revise Gustavo's dialogue to include more unique phrases or slang that reflect his character, making his commands feel more personal and intense.
  • Incorporate sensory details to enhance the atmosphere, such as the sounds of gunfire echoing in the night or the chill of the air, to create a more immersive experience.
  • Consider adding a brief inner monologue for Rita to express her fear or determination, which would help the audience connect with her emotional state during this tense moment.
  • Clarify the significance of the smoke reversal by foreshadowing it earlier in the script or providing a brief explanation, ensuring that it resonates with the audience.
  • Smooth the transition between the gunfire and the smoke phenomenon by including a moment of silence or a visual cue that emphasizes the shift in tone, enhancing the overall impact of the scene.



Scene 57 - Shadows of the Past
INT. HACIENDA, KITCHEN - NIGHT

A tongue of smoke slides on the ground, passes between the feet
of the men, on the shells which roll... crosses the room...
finds Jessi and Emilia lying on the ground... and slips into the
mouth of Emilia, who opens her eyes.


Emilia looks at Jessi, who protects herself as she can with her
arms on her head. Emilia puts her hand on Jessi's head.

Start PERDÓNAME

EMILIA
(unintelligible)Te conocí cuando
tenías catorce años.
I met you when you were fourteen years old.

JESSI
¿Ah?
Huh?

EMILIA
Te conocí cuando tenías catorce años.
Entonces yo andaba con Juanita, tu hermana
I met you when you were fourteen years old.
At that time it was with your sister, with Juanita, that
I was...

JESSI
¿Qué dices?
But what are you talking about?


EMILIA
Mi vida… Cuando andaba con Juanita era a ti
a quien miraba… entonces un día en la
Azucena en Jalapa, ahí te besé y fuimos a
hacer lo demás arriba.
My life... When I was with Juanita it was you that I
fancied and then one day,
it was in Azucena in Xalapa, I kissed you and we went to
do the rest upstairs

JESSI
Tú… ¿tú me besaste?
You... you kissed me?

EMILIA
… fuimos a hacer lo demás arriba…
...and we went to do the rest upstairs...

JESSI
¿Quién te contó esto?
Who told you that?

Suddenly in the distance: shouts, orders, gunfire. Bullets
pierce the walls and send plaster flying around the two women,
who drop to the floor. Their faces are now very close. Behind
them we see Gustavo return alone to shoot. Flames of detonating
guns, smoke, dust, impacts.

EMILIA
Cuando nos casamos te regalé dos collares.
Me dijiste...
When we got married I gave you two necklaces.
You told me...

JESSI
¡Cállate, cállate!
Shut up, shut up!

EMILIA
... que un día tú perdiste uno. Yo sé que
se lo diste a Juanita para hacerte
perdonar.
That one day you lost one. But I know you gave it to
Juanita to make up for it...


EMILIA (CONT’D)
El día de la boda tu familia te daba tanta
vergüenza que, para no verlos, los pusiste
al fondo de la iglesia.
On our wedding day you were so ashamed of your family
that, in order not to see them, you put them
at the back of the church.


JESSI
¿Quién eres?
¿Quién eres?

Who are you?
Who are you?

EMILIA
… Emilia
Emilia

JESSI
Manitas
Manitas

EMILIA



JESSI
No, ¡ay no dios!, ¿qué nos pasó?!
No, my God, what happened to us?

EMILIA
¡Jessica!
Jessica!

JESSI
¡No!
No!

EMILIA
¡Perdóname! ¡Perdóname!,
Forgive me! Forgive me!

End PERDÓNAME

Gustavo’s cowboy boots enter the frame.

GUSTAVO
¡Párate, nos largamos!
Stand up, we're leaving!

He has already seized Emilia by the scruff of her neck.

Emilia shakes her head "no".

EMILIA
No...
No…

The boot then crushes the bandaged hand of Emilia. A puddle
of blood comes out of the bandage like a sponge.

…/…

Traveling on: a trace of blood on the ground... we go up it
until...
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In a dimly lit kitchen filled with smoke and chaos, Emilia awakens and attempts to reconnect with Jessi by reminiscing about their shared history, including intimate moments and their wedding day. However, Jessi is confused and distressed, struggling to understand Emilia's identity amidst the gunfire that erupts around them. Their emotional exchange is violently interrupted by Gustavo, who drags Emilia away and brutally crushes her injured hand, leaving a trail of blood as he asserts control, shattering their moment of vulnerability.
Strengths
  • Intense emotional moments
  • Revealing character interactions
  • High stakes and tension
Weaknesses
  • Potential for confusion with the rapid shifts in dialogue and action

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene is highly impactful, with intense emotions, revelations, and a climactic confrontation. It effectively builds tension and reveals crucial information about the characters.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of delving into the characters' pasts and bringing hidden truths to light is engaging and adds depth to the narrative. The scene effectively explores the complexities of relationships and secrets.

Plot: 8.5

The plot is advanced significantly through the revelations and confrontations in this scene. It adds layers to the characters and sets up future conflicts and resolutions.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to themes of betrayal and forgiveness, with unexpected revelations and intense emotional conflicts. The authenticity of the characters' dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters are well-developed in this scene, with their pasts and motivations coming to the forefront. The emotional depth and conflicts between Emilia and Jessi are portrayed convincingly.

Character Changes: 8

Both Emilia and Jessi undergo significant emotional changes in this scene, as past secrets are revealed and confrontations escalate. Their relationship is deeply affected by the revelations.

Internal Goal: 8

Emilia's internal goal is to seek forgiveness and reconciliation with Jessi for past actions and betrayals. This reflects her desire for redemption and closure.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to survive the violent situation and escape with Emilia. This reflects the immediate challenge they are facing in the scene.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The level of conflict in the scene is high, with intense confrontations and emotional turmoil between the characters. The stakes are raised significantly, leading to a dramatic climax.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with characters facing physical danger, emotional conflicts, and moral dilemmas. The audience is unsure of how the characters will overcome these obstacles.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in this scene, with the characters' relationships and lives on the line. The confrontations and revelations have significant consequences for the characters and the overall story.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by revealing crucial information about the characters' pasts and setting up future conflicts. It advances the narrative and deepens the complexity of the relationships.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable due to the sudden revelations, intense conflicts, and unexpected actions of the characters. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how the situation will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around themes of betrayal, forgiveness, and redemption. Emilia's past actions and Jessi's reactions challenge their beliefs and values, leading to a confrontation.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, with intense moments of regret, confrontation, and revelation. The audience is drawn into the characters' emotional turmoil and conflicting emotions.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is intense and revealing, adding depth to the characters and driving the confrontational nature of the scene. It effectively conveys the emotions and tensions between Emilia and Jessi.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its intense emotional conflicts, unexpected revelations, and high stakes. The dialogue and action keep the audience invested in the characters' fates.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the characters' fates.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings, dialogue formatting, and action descriptions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format that effectively builds tension and reveals character motivations. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the scene's effectiveness.


Critique
  • The scene effectively creates a tense atmosphere with the use of smoke and gunfire, which heightens the stakes for Emilia and Jessi. However, the dialogue can feel disjointed and confusing, particularly with Emilia's reminiscences. While nostalgia can be powerful, the abrupt shifts between past memories and the present danger may disorient the audience.
  • Emilia's dialogue about their past relationship is rich with emotional potential, but it lacks clarity. The repetition of certain phrases, such as 'I met you when you were fourteen years old,' could be streamlined to maintain the flow of the scene. This would help to keep the audience engaged without losing the emotional weight.
  • The character dynamics between Emilia and Jessi are compelling, but Jessi's responses sometimes come off as overly simplistic or reactive. Adding depth to her confusion and distress could enhance the emotional impact of the scene. For instance, exploring her internal conflict about her feelings for Emilia amidst the chaos could create a more nuanced portrayal.
  • The introduction of Gustavo as a threatening figure is effective, but his actions could be more impactful if they were foreshadowed earlier in the scene. Building tension through subtle hints of his presence before he physically enters could enhance the shock of his arrival.
  • The visual imagery of smoke and gunfire is strong, but the transition from the intimate moment between Emilia and Jessi to the violent intrusion of Gustavo feels abrupt. A smoother transition that builds suspense before Gustavo's entrance could improve the pacing and emotional resonance of the scene.
Suggestions
  • Consider revising Emilia's dialogue to make her memories more concise and impactful. Focus on key moments that define their relationship rather than recounting multiple details, which can dilute the emotional intensity.
  • Enhance Jessi's character by incorporating more complex reactions to Emilia's memories. This could involve her grappling with feelings of love, betrayal, or confusion, which would add depth to her responses.
  • Introduce Gustavo's presence earlier in the scene through sound or visual cues, such as distant gunfire or shadows, to build tension before his violent entrance.
  • Explore the use of silence or pauses in dialogue to emphasize the gravity of the situation. This can create a more dramatic effect and allow the audience to absorb the emotional weight of the moment.
  • Consider adding a moment of connection between Emilia and Jessi before the chaos erupts, such as a shared glance or touch, to heighten the tragedy of their situation when Gustavo intervenes.



Scene 58 - Desperate Struggle
INT/EXT. GUSTAVO’S CABIN - NIGHT

...Emilia is dragged in the trunk of the car of Gustavo.
When the trunk of the car is going to be closed on her, Emilia's
eyes meet Jessi's.

EMILIA
(inaudible)¡Jessica!
(inaudible) Jessica!

JESSI
¡No!
No!

The trunk is slammed shut.

JESSI (CONT’D)
(balbuceando, confundida) ¡Dios
mío!, qué hemos hecho…
(mumbling, confused) My God, what have we done?...

GUSTAVO
(a Jessi) ¡Anda, muévete!
(to Jessi) Come on, move!


INT. GUSTAVO BRUN’S CAR - NIGHT

Gustavo Brun turns on the headlights and the turbo.

GUSTAVO
¡Perros hijos de su puta madre!
Those fucking motherfuckers!

On his side, Jessi is lost.

JESSI
En la cajuela…
In the trunk...

GUSTAVO BRUN
¿En la cajuela qué?
What? In the trunk?

JESSI
En la cajuela, está Manitas.
In the trunk, it's Manitas.

GUSTAVO BRUN
¡¿Eh?!
What?

JESSI
Mi marido… ¡es Manitas está en la
cajuela, es mi marido! ¡Frena!
¡Para!

In the trunk, it's Manitas, my husband. Stop! Stop!

She grabs the wheel to force Gustavo to stop.

GUSTAVO
… ¡Eh!
Hey!

He yanks it back. Her again. He punches her. He sends her flying
into the windshield…

Jessi opens the glove compartment in front of her. She grabs a
gun. Aims it at Gustavo. He looks at the gun. Shakes his head,
as if he has had enough.

GUSTAVO (CONT’D)
Ajjj…
Pfff…

JESSI
¡Detente!
STOP!

Gustavo hesitates, slows down, and looks in the rear view
mirror. He slams on the brakes. Jessi flies forward. He tries to
grab the gun. She resists. He accelerates again. A gun goes off.
Shattering Gustavo’s windshield. Another burst of gunfire. This
time through the roof…


EXT. GUSTAVO BRUN’S CAR - NIGHT

The car arrives towards us zigzagging. Its race is punctuated by
the detonations and the shots flashing the interior.

Suddenly the car swerves and flies down the embankment.

The camera closes in on the edge of the ravine.


EXT. GUSTAVO BRUN’S CAR - NIGHT

The car has crashed a hundred meters below.


EXT. GUSTAVO BRUN’S CAR - NIGHT

The camera slowly moves in on the trunk of the car. We hear
twisting metal, the radiator whistling, other unpleasant noises,
like creaks and groans.

Then suddenly, the car explodes in flames.


EXT. MOUNTAIN - NIGHT

Down in the ravine, the car is a blazing inferno.

Pulling back, we see Rita watching the car burn. Powerless.

The red flames reflected on her face.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In a tense nighttime scene, Emilia is trapped in the trunk of Gustavo's car, calling out for Jessi, who is shocked to discover her husband Manitas is also imprisoned. As Gustavo drives recklessly, Jessi seizes control, leading to a violent confrontation where she grabs a gun. A struggle ensues, resulting in gunfire that shatters the windshield and causes the car to crash down an embankment, culminating in a fiery explosion. Rita watches helplessly from a distance, reflecting the chaos and devastation of the moment.
Strengths
  • Intense conflict
  • Emotional depth
  • High stakes
  • Dramatic climax
Weaknesses
  • Potential for excessive violence
  • Complexity of character relationships

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene is well-crafted with a high level of tension, emotional impact, and conflict. The execution of the design is intense and engaging, keeping the audience on the edge of their seats.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a violent confrontation in a high-stakes situation is effectively portrayed, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the outcome.

Plot: 8

The plot progresses significantly in this scene, with major developments in the relationships between the characters and the overall story arc.

Originality: 8

The scene presents a fresh approach to the classic car chase and confrontation trope, adding elements of betrayal and moral conflict. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and contribute to the tension and suspense of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-developed and their interactions drive the conflict forward, adding depth and complexity to the scene.

Character Changes: 8

The characters undergo significant changes in their relationships and motivations, leading to a shift in the dynamics of the story.

Internal Goal: 8

Emilia's internal goal is to protect herself and possibly warn Jessi about the danger they are in. This reflects her fear of the situation and her desire to survive.

External Goal: 9

The protagonist's external goal is to escape from Gustavo's control and save herself and Jessi from harm. This reflects the immediate challenge of being in a dangerous situation with a violent criminal.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is intense and drives the narrative forward, creating a sense of urgency and suspense.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with characters facing difficult choices and dangerous consequences. The audience is kept on their toes, unsure of how the conflict will be resolved.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in this scene, with the characters facing life-threatening situations and intense confrontations.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward significantly, with major developments in the plot and character arcs.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the characters' conflicting motivations, the sudden escalation of violence, and the unexpected twists in the confrontation.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the struggle between survival and morality. Jessi is torn between protecting herself and her husband, while Gustavo represents the ruthless criminal world where survival comes at a cost.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking fear, confusion, and desperation in the characters and the audience.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is intense and impactful, revealing the emotions and motivations of the characters in a high-stakes situation.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its high stakes, fast-paced action, and intense emotional conflict. The audience is drawn into the characters' struggle for survival and the unpredictable outcome of the confrontation.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is fast and intense, effectively building tension and suspense as the action unfolds. The rhythm of the scene keeps the audience engaged and on the edge of their seats.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of the scene is clear and concise, effectively conveying the fast-paced action and intense emotions of the characters.

Structure: 9

The scene follows the expected structure for a tense and action-packed sequence, building suspense and escalating conflict effectively.


Critique
  • The emotional stakes in this scene are high, but the dialogue could be more impactful. The inaudible calls from Emilia feel underwhelming; consider making her pleas clearer to heighten the tension and emotional connection with the audience.
  • Jessi's confusion is evident, but her character could benefit from a stronger emotional arc. Instead of just mumbling about what they've done, she could express a mix of fear, regret, and determination, which would add depth to her character and the situation.
  • Gustavo's aggression is established, but his motivations could be clearer. Why is he so angry? Adding a line or two that hints at his backstory or his relationship with Emilia and Jessi could provide context and make his character more compelling.
  • The action sequences are intense, but the transitions between dialogue and action could be smoother. For instance, the shift from Jessi's emotional turmoil to the physical struggle for the gun feels abrupt. Consider using more descriptive action beats to bridge these moments.
  • The visual imagery of the car crash and explosion is strong, but it could be enhanced by incorporating more sensory details. Describe the sounds, smells, and feelings associated with the crash and explosion to immerse the audience further in the chaos.
Suggestions
  • Revise Emilia's dialogue to make her pleas more audible and emotionally charged, enhancing the audience's connection to her plight.
  • Develop Jessi's character by allowing her to express a broader range of emotions, such as fear, regret, and resolve, to create a more dynamic response to the situation.
  • Add a line or two for Gustavo that hints at his motivations or backstory, providing context for his aggression and making him a more rounded character.
  • Incorporate more descriptive action beats to create smoother transitions between dialogue and action, ensuring the pacing feels natural and engaging.
  • Enhance the sensory details during the crash and explosion to create a more immersive experience for the audience, allowing them to feel the chaos and intensity of the moment.



Scene 59 - Echoes of Loss
INT. EMILIA’S HOUSE - DAY

Start 5M30 Las Damas

A window framed from the outside, it's an empty frame. Then a
voice:

HOUSEMAID (OFF)
Ahí vienen señora Rita.
Here they come, Mrs. Rita.

Rita appears behind the window. She is dressed in black, her
face defeated. In the reflection of the glass appear the
small silhouettes of Diego and ÁNGEL. They are escorted by
two policemen.

RITA
Mis hijos, mi familia.
My children, my family.

EPIFANÍA (O.S.)
Dedico este poema
A la que fuera tan amada
Durante fugaces instantes
I dedicate this poem
To the one who was so loved
During these fleeting moments

A la mujer de mis noches
A la que se iba al alba
To the woman of my nights
To the one who left at dawn

EPIFANÍA (CONT’D)
A quien bebió de mis fuentes
Y cuyo misterio me falta
Como una estrella lejana
A quien me dejó ser libre
Y tan libre como el aire
Tan libre como su perfume
To the woman of my nights
To the one who left at dawn
Without ever telling me about her
To the one who drank from my spring
And whose mystery I miss
Like a distant star
To the one who let me free
Free as the air
Free as her perfume


CHORUS
A quien en un segundo
Abriendo sus cálidos brazos
Atravesó nuestro camino
To the one who within a second
Opening her warm arms,
Crossed our path.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In a somber scene, Rita, dressed in black and filled with despair, watches helplessly as her children, Diego and Ángel, are escorted away by police. A housemaid announces their arrival, setting the stage for Rita's emotional turmoil. Epifanía's voiceover recites a poignant poem about love, freedom, and loss, while a chorus echoes these sentiments, deepening the emotional weight of the moment. The scene captures the stark contrast between hope and despair, culminating in Rita's unresolved anguish as she laments her children's separation.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Poetic elements
  • Character development
Weaknesses
  • Lack of external action
  • Minimal dialogue

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys a sense of loss and despair through Rita's emotional reaction to losing her children. The use of poetry enhances the somber tone and adds depth to the characters' emotions.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring loss and longing through Rita's perspective is well-executed. The addition of the poetic recitation by Epifanía adds a unique and poignant element to the scene.

Plot: 8

The plot progression in the scene focuses on Rita's emotional journey as she watches her children being taken away. The scene sets up a significant turning point in the story.

Originality: 9

The scene showcases originality through its poetic dialogue, unique character dynamics, and exploration of themes such as loss, love, and freedom. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters' emotions and motivations are effectively portrayed, particularly Rita's sense of loss and despair. The scene delves into the depth of Rita's character and her emotional turmoil.

Character Changes: 7

Rita undergoes a significant emotional change in the scene, moving from shock and despair to a deeper sense of loss and longing. The scene sets up a potential character arc for Rita as she grapples with her loss.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to cope with the loss of her family and come to terms with the situation. This reflects her deeper need for closure, her fear of being alone, and her desire for understanding and acceptance.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to navigate the legal and emotional challenges of losing her family and dealing with the authorities. This reflects the immediate circumstances of her life being upended and the challenges she faces in the legal system.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

The conflict in the scene is more internal and emotional, focusing on Rita's sense of loss and despair rather than external action. The conflict arises from the characters' emotions and relationships.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing legal and emotional challenges that create obstacles to her goals. The audience is left unsure of how these challenges will be resolved.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are high in the scene as Rita loses her children, leading to a significant emotional and narrative impact. The scene sets up a pivotal moment in the story with far-reaching consequences.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by setting up a significant turning point in the narrative, where Rita loses her children and must grapple with the consequences. The scene sets the stage for further developments in the plot.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected emotional twists, the complex relationships between characters, and the unresolved conflicts that leave the audience uncertain about the outcome.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the contrast between love and loss, freedom and confinement, and the fleeting nature of relationships. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs about love, freedom, and the impermanence of life.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking feelings of sadness, regret, and longing in the audience. Rita's emotional turmoil and the poetic recitation by Epifanía enhance the emotional depth of the scene.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue in the scene is minimal but impactful, conveying the characters' emotions and inner thoughts effectively. The poetic recitation by Epifanía adds a layer of depth to the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its emotional depth, poetic language, and the tension between characters. The audience is drawn into the characters' struggles and emotions, creating a compelling narrative.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and emotional resonance. The rhythm of the dialogue and scene descriptions enhances the overall impact of the scene.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is well-executed, with clear scene descriptions, character dialogue, and transitions. It follows the expected format for its genre of dramatic screenplay writing.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows a poetic and reflective format, with a clear progression of emotions and themes. It adheres to the expected format for its genre of dramatic storytelling.


Critique
  • The scene effectively transitions from the chaos and violence of the previous scene to a moment of quiet reflection, which is a strong narrative choice. This contrast heightens the emotional impact of Rita's defeat and loss.
  • The use of the housemaid's voice to announce Rita's arrival creates a sense of anticipation and sets the tone for the scene. However, the housemaid's role feels somewhat passive; consider giving her a more active presence or a line that reflects her own emotional state regarding the situation.
  • Rita's appearance in black and her defeated expression are powerful visual cues that convey her grief and loss. However, the scene could benefit from more physical action or movement from Rita to emphasize her emotional turmoil. For instance, she could interact with objects in the room or show signs of distress beyond her facial expression.
  • The poem recited by Epifanía adds a layer of depth and poignancy to the scene, but it may feel disconnected from the immediate action. Consider integrating the poem more closely with Rita's experience, perhaps by having her reflect on the lines or react emotionally as they are spoken.
  • The chorus adds a haunting quality to the scene, enhancing the themes of loss and memory. However, the transition from Epifanía's solo to the chorus could be smoother. Consider using a visual cue or a moment of silence to bridge the two elements more effectively.
  • The imagery of the small silhouettes of Diego and Ángel against the window is evocative, but it could be further emphasized. Perhaps describe their expressions or actions to convey their innocence and the weight of the situation more vividly.
  • The scene ends on a note of reflection and sorrow, but it may benefit from a stronger emotional climax. Consider having Rita vocalize her feelings or make a physical gesture that encapsulates her grief, providing a more impactful conclusion to the scene.
Suggestions
  • Enhance the housemaid's role by giving her a line that reflects her concern or empathy for Rita, making her presence more impactful.
  • Incorporate more physical actions from Rita to express her emotional state, such as pacing, touching objects, or looking around the room.
  • Integrate Epifanía's poem with Rita's experience by having Rita react to specific lines, creating a more personal connection to the words.
  • Smooth the transition between Epifanía's recitation and the chorus by adding a moment of silence or a visual cue that links the two elements.
  • Emphasize the silhouettes of Diego and Ángel by describing their expressions or actions, highlighting their innocence amidst the tragedy.
  • Consider adding a stronger emotional climax at the end of the scene, such as Rita vocalizing her grief or making a significant gesture that encapsulates her feelings.



Scene 60 - A Song of Remembrance
EXT. MEXICO CITY SUBURBS - DAY

Epifanía in mourning walks and sings.

EPIFANÍA
A quien hizó el milagro
De cambiar el plomo en oro
Volviendo a soñar este mundo
To the one who accomplished the miracle
Of changing lead into gold
And enchanted the world again

EPIFANÍA (CONT’D)
A quien izo a nuestro lado
Al lado de los condenados
La bandera de la verdad
To the one who raised the flag of Truth
At our side, the damned


She is joined by a group of people who sing with her.
In low angle: a statue fills the entire screen, swaying in
front of us to the rhythm of the people carrying it. It is a
naive statue of Emilia. Hands slightly apart, she seems to
show the three fingers that are missing.

Below and behind a brass band with drummers. Behind a line of
mourners. Copper faces, poorly clothed, feet and dust..


A quien, ardiente figura,
Por su gracia maravillosa,
Nos llenó de felicidad
To her who, fiery figure, filled us,
Thanks to her wonderful grace,
with happiness

A la que nunca regresará
A la que guardó su enigma
Que quizás conocen ustedes
To the one who will never return
To the one who will keep her secret forever
The secret you might know

A la que no acabé de amar
Con quien no terminé de bailar
Ofrezco un ramo de flores

To the one I will never finish loving
With whom I will never finish dancing
I offer this bouquet of flowers

Under and behind a brass and drum band. Behind a line of
processionals. Copper faces, poor people's clothes, feet and
dust.

The music and the sound stop before the images: silent
orchestra, silent faces, silent crowd. Just movement and
colors.



THE END.
Genres: ["Drama","Musical"]

Summary In a somber procession through the suburbs of Mexico City, Epifanía, dressed in mourning, leads a group of mourners in a heartfelt song honoring the miraculous figure of Emilia. As they harmonize, the emotional weight of loss and love is palpable, accentuated by a low-angle shot of Emilia's statue carried by the crowd. The scene transitions from lively music played by a brass band to a poignant silence, encapsulating the collective grief and reverence for Emilia, leaving the mourners in a reflective stillness.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Musical tribute
  • Character reflection
Weaknesses
  • Low conflict level
  • Limited plot progression

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene effectively captures the emotional weight of the characters' mourning and reflection, creating a somber yet hopeful atmosphere. The musical tribute adds a layer of depth and uniqueness to the storytelling, enhancing the overall impact.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of paying tribute to a beloved character through a musical procession is innovative and emotionally resonant. The scene effectively explores themes of loss, love, and remembrance, adding depth to the narrative.

Plot: 8.5

While the scene does not heavily focus on plot progression, it serves as a poignant moment of reflection and emotional depth for the characters. The tribute to Emilia adds layers to the overall story and character relationships.

Originality: 8

The scene is original in its depiction of a mourning ceremony in a specific cultural context, with unique imagery and emotional resonance.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters in the scene, particularly Epifanía and the mourners, convey a range of emotions and depth through their performances and interactions. The scene allows for character development and exploration of their relationships with Emilia.

Character Changes: 3

While there are no significant character changes in the scene, the emotional journey and reflection allow for internal growth and exploration of the characters' relationships with Emilia.

Internal Goal: 9

Epifanía's internal goal is to express her grief and pay tribute to the deceased. This reflects her deeper emotions and the need to process her loss.

External Goal: 7

Epifanía's external goal is to participate in the mourning ceremony and honor the memory of the deceased. This reflects the immediate circumstances of the scene.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 2

The scene is low on conflict, focusing more on emotional reflection and mourning. The conflict present is internal and emotional, adding depth to the characters' experiences.

Opposition: 6

The opposition in the scene is minimal, as the focus is on the protagonist's internal and external goals related to the mourning ceremony.

High Stakes: 3

The stakes are low in this scene, focusing more on emotional depth and reflection than external conflicts or high-risk situations. The emphasis is on mourning and remembrance.

Story Forward: 6

The scene does not heavily drive the plot forward but adds depth and emotional resonance to the narrative. It serves as a moment of reflection and tribute, enriching the overall story.

Unpredictability: 6

This scene is somewhat predictable in its depiction of a mourning ceremony, but the emotional and cultural elements add depth and interest.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around themes of loss, memory, and community. It challenges Epifanía's beliefs about grief and remembrance.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9.5

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking feelings of sadness, reflection, and hope through the musical tribute and character interactions. The depth of emotion and the themes of loss and love resonate strongly with the audience.

Dialogue: 8

The scene relies more on music and visuals than dialogue, but the poetic lines recited by Epifanía add a layer of depth and emotion to the tribute. The dialogue enhances the reflective and mournful tone of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its emotional depth, cultural richness, and poetic language, drawing the reader into the world of the mourning ceremony.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively conveys the emotional and cultural elements of the mourning ceremony, creating a sense of reflection and reverence.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and follows the expected format for its genre, enhancing the reader's understanding of the cultural event.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format that effectively conveys the emotional and cultural elements of the mourning ceremony.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures a somber and reflective tone, which is fitting given the context of mourning for Emilia. The use of Epifanía's song as a narrative device adds emotional depth and connects the audience to the themes of loss and remembrance.
  • The juxtaposition of the statue of Emilia with the mourners creates a powerful visual metaphor, emphasizing her significance to the community. However, the description of the statue could be more vivid to enhance its emotional impact. Consider incorporating more sensory details about the statue's appearance and the reactions of the mourners as they carry it.
  • The lyrics of the song are poignant and resonate with the themes of love, loss, and the enduring impact of Emilia. However, the translation of the lyrics could be more fluid to maintain the lyrical quality in English. Some lines feel slightly awkward in translation, which may detract from the overall emotional resonance.
  • The transition from the lively singing to the sudden silence at the end is striking and effectively conveys the weight of loss. However, the shift could be more gradual to enhance the emotional buildup. Consider adding a moment of silence or a pause in the music before the final lines to allow the audience to absorb the gravity of the moment.
  • The imagery of 'copper faces, poorly clothed, feet and dust' is evocative, but it could benefit from more context. Providing a brief insight into the backgrounds of the mourners could deepen the audience's connection to them and their shared grief.
Suggestions
  • Enhance the description of the statue to include more sensory details, such as its texture, color, and the expressions of the mourners as they carry it.
  • Revise the English translation of the song lyrics to ensure they flow more naturally and maintain the lyrical quality of the original Spanish.
  • Consider adding a moment of silence or a gradual transition before the final lines to allow the audience to fully absorb the emotional weight of the scene.
  • Provide brief insights into the backgrounds of the mourners to deepen the audience's connection to their shared grief and the significance of Emilia's impact on their lives.
  • Explore the possibility of including a visual or auditory cue that signifies the transition from the lively singing to the silence, enhancing the emotional impact of the moment.



Characters in the screenplay, and their arcs:

rita

<ul><li>Rita is a passionate, determined, and introspective young woman who serves as a defense attorney. She possesses a strong sense of justice and empathy, deeply affected by the cases she takes on. Rita's personality is marked by her resilience and resourcefulness, as she navigates complex moral dilemmas and high-stakes situations. She is characterized by her unwavering commitment to her beliefs, often grappling with personal and professional challenges. Rita's speaking style is articulate and persuasive, often employing poetic language, rhetorical questions, and powerful imagery to convey her emotions and thoughts. She seamlessly switches between Spanish and English, adding depth to her character. Her dialogue reflects her inner turmoil, frustration, and determination, making her a compelling protagonist who is unafraid to confront societal norms and injustices.</li><li>Rita speaks with a direct, assertive, and emotional tone, often using sharp and precise language. Her dialogue is introspective and reflective, revealing her complex inner world and moral struggles. She balances her assertiveness with empathy, showcasing her caring nature and loyalty to those she loves.</li></ul>



rita mora castro

Rita Mora Castro is a 27-year-old defense attorney characterized by her formal demeanor and articulate speaking style, reflecting her legal background. She is dedicated to her work, driven by a strong sense of justice and compassion, which often leads her to engage in meaningful discussions about moral principles and social responsibility. Rita's unique phrases, such as 'Court of Consciousness' and 'right to love,' highlight her commitment to advocacy and societal issues. Throughout the screenplay, she exhibits a mix of determination, intelligence, and resourcefulness, navigating complex situations with a measured and precise approach. Rita's speaking style evolves from formal and assertive to direct and confident, especially when faced with challenging moral decisions. As she encounters the darker aspects of her profession, including the cartel, her character reflects emotional turmoil, showcasing fear, confusion, and a strong will to overcome obstacles. Ultimately, Rita transforms from a principled lawyer involved in criminal activities to a successful executive in London, embodying ambition and drive while maintaining her core values.



manitas

Manitas is a multifaceted character, a cartel leader whose tough exterior masks a wealth of vulnerabilities and desires. He grapples with the weight of his dark past while yearning for a new life, revealing moments of introspection and uncertainty. His speaking style is measured and controlled, often laced with underlying tension and authority, yet it shifts to become reflective and emotional as he delves into his identity and self-discovery. Manitas expresses his inner conflicts through poetic dialogue and song, showcasing a deep struggle with authenticity and societal expectations. His interactions with others reveal a complex mix of power and vulnerability, making him a compelling figure whose fate drives the narrative forward.



jessi

Jessi is a deeply complex character marked by emotional turmoil and resilience. She grapples with a tumultuous past, feelings of abandonment, and the weight of her current dangerous circumstances involving cartel involvement. Her emotional depth is reflected in her speaking style, which varies from urgent and pleading to poetic and introspective, revealing her vulnerability and longing for stability. Jessi's interactions with others, particularly Emilia and Rita, showcase her need for reassurance and acceptance, while also highlighting her defiance and frustration. She oscillates between being charismatic and vibrant, exuding confidence, and being impulsive and emotionally charged, often reacting defensively in tense situations. This duality makes her a relatable and empathetic figure, as she navigates her fears, desires, and the fierce protectiveness she feels for her children. Ultimately, Jessi embodies a blend of strength and vulnerability, making her journey compelling and poignant.



emilia

Emilia is a deeply complex character who embodies resilience, vulnerability, and emotional depth. She navigates a wide range of emotions, from anxiety and grief to determination and hope. Her introspective nature allows her to connect profoundly with others, often using gentle and reflective language that conveys her empathy and understanding. Emilia's speaking style is characterized by a thoughtful and measured tone, with moments of urgency and intensity that reflect her inner turmoil. She is nurturing and protective, especially towards children, yet she also exhibits a strong will and a commanding presence when confronting injustice. Throughout her journey, Emilia grapples with her past, seeking redemption and closure while balancing her desire for connection with her responsibilities. Her dialogue often includes probing questions and poetic expressions, revealing her longing for fulfillment and belonging.



epifanía

Epifanía is a complex character marked by resilience and a dark past. Initially, she presents as suspicious and guarded, shaped by her experiences of trauma and abuse. As the narrative unfolds, her vulnerability and pain surface, particularly in response to her husband's death. Epifanía carries herself with a sense of mystery and strength, often masking her deeper emotions with humor and bravado. Her speaking style evolves throughout the feature, transitioning from emotional and raw to candid and straightforward, with a touch of dark humor. She becomes increasingly curious and open, longing for connection and love, especially in her interactions with Emilia. As she navigates her relationships, she reveals a warm and loving side, bringing comfort and belonging to those around her. Despite her playful demeanor, she remains empathetic and observant, hinting at hidden depths. Ultimately, Epifanía embodies a mournful yet hopeful spirit, leading a musical tribute that reflects her journey of loss, remembrance, and emotional depth. Her speaking style is poetic and reflective, conveying profound emotions and introspection, particularly during poignant moments in the narrative.



CharacterArcCritiqueSuggestions
rita
  • Rita begins as a passionate and determined lawyer, deeply committed to her work and driven by a strong sense of justice. She faces societal expectations and personal challenges, often feeling conflicted about her role in the legal system.
  • As the story progresses, Rita encounters increasingly high-stakes situations that test her moral compass. She grapples with her beliefs and motivations, facing internal conflicts that force her to confront her vulnerabilities. Her relationships with other characters, particularly Emilia and Jessi, challenge her to balance her professional responsibilities with her personal values.
  • In a pivotal moment, Rita must make a difficult decision that could jeopardize her career but ultimately aligns with her moral beliefs. This moment of truth forces her to confront her fears and embrace her identity as a fierce advocate for justice.
  • By the end of the screenplay, Rita emerges as a more self-aware and confident individual. She learns to navigate her emotional turmoil and societal pressures while remaining true to her values. Her character arc culminates in a powerful realization of her strength and resilience, solidifying her role as a protector of those who have been wronged.
Rita's character arc is compelling, showcasing her growth and resilience in the face of adversity. However, the arc could benefit from clearer stakes and more defined moments of transformation. While her internal struggles are well-articulated, the external conflicts could be more pronounced to enhance the tension and urgency of her journey. Additionally, her relationships with other characters could be further developed to provide more depth and complexity to her interactions. To improve Rita's character arc, consider introducing more significant external conflicts that challenge her beliefs and force her to make difficult choices. This could involve high-stakes legal battles or personal sacrifices that heighten the tension. Additionally, deepen her relationships with supporting characters, allowing for more nuanced interactions that reveal different facets of her personality. Incorporating moments of vulnerability and connection with others can enhance her emotional journey and make her eventual growth more impactful.
rita mora castro Rita's character arc begins with her as a dedicated defense attorney, struggling to balance her professional and personal life. As she confronts moral dilemmas and the complexities of the cartel, she experiences significant emotional turmoil that challenges her beliefs and values. This journey forces her to confront her fears and insecurities, leading to a transformation where she becomes more assertive and confident in her abilities. By the end of the screenplay, Rita emerges as a successful executive in London, having navigated the treacherous waters of her past while maintaining her commitment to justice and social responsibility. Her arc emphasizes growth, resilience, and the importance of staying true to one's principles in the face of adversity. Rita's character arc is compelling, showcasing her evolution from a principled lawyer to a successful executive. However, the transition could benefit from more depth in her internal struggles and the consequences of her decisions. While her determination and resourcefulness are evident, the screenplay could explore the emotional toll of her experiences more thoroughly, allowing the audience to connect with her on a deeper level. Additionally, the motivations behind her transformation could be more clearly defined, as the leap from a defense attorney to an executive may seem abrupt without sufficient context. To improve Rita's character arc, consider incorporating more scenes that delve into her internal conflicts and the impact of her choices on her personal life. This could include flashbacks or moments of reflection that highlight her past experiences and how they shape her current decisions. Additionally, introducing a mentor or a pivotal relationship could provide guidance and challenge her beliefs, further enriching her journey. Finally, ensure that her transformation feels organic by gradually revealing her motivations and the stakes involved in her decisions, allowing the audience to witness her growth in a more nuanced manner.
manitas Manitas begins as a hardened cartel leader, entrenched in a life of crime and power. As the story unfolds, he confronts the consequences of his actions and the toll they take on his soul. His journey is marked by a desire for redemption and a struggle to redefine his identity beyond the criminal world. Through pivotal interactions and self-reflection, he gradually embraces his vulnerabilities, leading to a transformative realization that true strength lies in authenticity and connection. By the end of the feature, Manitas must make a critical choice: to continue down the path of violence or to seek a new life, ultimately choosing the latter, symbolizing his growth and desire for a better future. While Manitas is a richly developed character with a compelling internal conflict, the arc could benefit from clearer stakes and more defined turning points. The transition from a hardened leader to a more introspective figure may feel abrupt without sufficient buildup. Additionally, the emotional depth of his character could be enhanced by exploring his relationships with other characters more thoroughly, allowing for greater contrast between his past and his aspirations. To improve Manitas' character arc, consider introducing earlier moments of doubt or vulnerability that foreshadow his eventual transformation. Incorporate key relationships that challenge his worldview and push him toward self-discovery, such as a mentor figure or a love interest who embodies the life he desires. Additionally, ensure that each act of the screenplay highlights specific turning points that propel his journey forward, culminating in a climactic moment where he must confront his past directly before making his final choice. This will create a more cohesive and impactful character arc.
jessi Jessi's character arc follows her transformation from a vulnerable and desperate woman caught in a web of fear and betrayal to a more empowered individual who learns to confront her past and reclaim her agency. Initially, she is overwhelmed by her circumstances, leading to impulsive and defensive reactions. As the story progresses, Jessi begins to confront her emotional turmoil, seeking solace in her relationships and gradually finding her voice. Through moments of introspection and connection with Emilia, she learns to balance her fierce protectiveness with the need for trust and vulnerability. By the climax, Jessi embraces her inner strength, making decisive choices that reflect her growth and resilience, ultimately leading to a resolution where she prioritizes her children's safety while reclaiming her sense of self. While Jessi's character arc is compelling, it risks becoming overly reliant on emotional turmoil without sufficient development of her agency. The oscillation between vulnerability and strength can feel inconsistent if not carefully balanced. Additionally, her motivations may need clearer articulation to ensure the audience fully understands her journey and the stakes involved. The emotional depth is present, but there may be moments where her impulsiveness overshadows her growth, making it challenging for viewers to connect with her evolution. To improve Jessi's character arc, consider incorporating more moments of reflection that allow her to process her emotions and decisions. This could involve scenes where she actively seeks guidance or mentorship from other characters, helping to ground her in her journey. Additionally, providing clearer stakes and motivations for her actions can enhance the audience's investment in her growth. Introducing a pivotal moment where Jessi must choose between her past loyalties and her children's safety could serve as a powerful catalyst for her transformation. Finally, ensuring that her moments of strength are equally highlighted alongside her vulnerabilities will create a more balanced and relatable character.
emilia Emilia's character arc follows her journey from a state of emotional turmoil and guilt over her past actions to a place of self-discovery and empowerment. Initially, she is portrayed as a vulnerable figure, struggling with her identity and the consequences of her choices. As the story progresses, Emilia confronts her fears and insecurities, ultimately finding strength in her connections with others, particularly through her relationships with Rita and the children she cares for. By the climax, she stands up against corruption and injustice, using her voice to advocate for those who cannot. In the resolution, Emilia emerges as a more confident and self-assured individual, having reconciled her past and embraced her role as a leader and protector. While Emilia's character arc is rich and multifaceted, it may benefit from clearer milestones that mark her emotional growth. The transitions between her various emotional states can sometimes feel abrupt, making it challenging for the audience to fully grasp her development. Additionally, while her relationships with others are central to her journey, there could be more emphasis on her internal conflicts and how they specifically influence her decisions throughout the screenplay. To improve Emilia's character arc, consider incorporating specific turning points that highlight her emotional growth, such as pivotal moments of choice that force her to confront her past. These moments could be tied to her interactions with key characters, allowing the audience to witness her transformation more clearly. Additionally, integrating flashbacks or internal monologues could provide deeper insight into her struggles, making her journey more relatable and impactful. Finally, ensure that her relationships evolve in tandem with her personal growth, showcasing how her newfound strength influences her connections with others.
epifanía Epifanía's character arc begins with her as a guarded and traumatized woman, struggling to cope with her husband's death. As she confronts her past and the pain associated with it, she gradually opens up, revealing her vulnerabilities and longing for connection. Through her interactions with Emilia and others, she learns to embrace her emotions and find strength in vulnerability. By the climax of the feature, she transforms into a figure of hope and resilience, leading a musical tribute that symbolizes her acceptance of loss and her ability to connect with others. This journey culminates in her embracing her poetic nature, allowing her to express her emotions fully and find solace in community and remembrance. While Epifanía's character arc is compelling, it may benefit from more distinct turning points that highlight her transformation. The progression from guardedness to openness could be more pronounced, with specific events or interactions that catalyze her emotional growth. Additionally, her relationship with Emilia could be further developed to showcase how it influences her journey, providing a clearer contrast between her initial state and her eventual acceptance of vulnerability. To improve Epifanía's character arc, consider incorporating key moments that challenge her defenses and force her to confront her past more directly. For instance, a pivotal scene where she must choose between retreating into her shell or reaching out for support could serve as a significant turning point. Additionally, deepening her relationship with Emilia through shared experiences or conflicts could enhance the emotional stakes and provide a clearer trajectory for her growth. Finally, integrating more of her poetic nature throughout the screenplay, rather than reserving it for specific moments, could enrich her character and reinforce her introspective qualities.
Top Correlations and patterns found in the scenes:

Pattern Explanation
High Dialogue Scores Correlate with High Overall Grade and Concept ScoresScenes with dialogue scores of 8 or higher tend to also receive high overall grades (8 or higher) and concept scores (8 or higher). This suggests that strong dialogue is a key driver of overall scene quality and the effectiveness of the central idea. Consider if this is a conscious stylistic choice or something that could be leveraged more consistently across all scenes.
Tense Tone Leads to High Conflict and High StakesScenes with a 'Tense' tone frequently achieve high scores in 'Conflict' and 'High Stakes'. This indicates that your use of tension is effective in raising the stakes and creating conflict, but check for a possible overreliance on tension to generate excitement. Consider if other tones could create similar impact.
Emotional Impact and Character Changes: A Complex RelationshipWhile many highly rated scenes have high emotional impact and character change scores, some scenes with high emotional impact have lower character change scores (e.g., scenes 32 and 60). Conversely, several high 'Character Change' scenes (e.g., 8, 9, 33) do not achieve the highest emotional impact. Explore whether this reflects intentional pacing or a place where emotional impact could be enhanced to better reflect character arcs.
Reflective Tones and Lower Emotional Impact (but High Character Development)Scenes employing 'Reflective' tones (frequently in combination with other tones) often have lower 'Emotional Impact' scores, but show reasonably consistent high scores in character development. This suggests your reflective scenes may excel at building characters, but the emotional impact on the audience might require more direct attention. Consider exploring methods to heighten emotional resonance within introspective moments.
Intimate Scenes Present a Unique ChallengeScenes classified as 'Intimate' (scenes 43, 44, 45, 46, 47) show high concept and character scores but often have lower emotional impact scores. This points to a potential disconnect between the intended intimacy and the actual emotional effect. Analyze why these scenes might not resonate emotionally as strongly as others and explore ways to improve their impact.
Plot and Concept consistency is strongMost scenes maintain high scores in Plot and Concept, indicating consistent storytelling and thematic development. This is a positive aspect of the screenplay.
Emotional Impact Dips in the Climax and ResolutionThe emotional impact scores decline significantly in scenes 23, 27, 32, 44, 47, and 60. Considering that scenes 23 and 60 bookend the narrative, this indicates a possible weakness in conveying emotional closure. Review this section of the story to make sure the emotional trajectory of the characters is satisfyingly resolved.
Potential for Stronger ClimaxWhile the screenplay consistently uses tense tones and high stakes, the climax (scenes 53-58) although well-executed in terms of tension and conflict, shows variability in emotional impact. Scene 53 has a significantly higher emotional impact than those surrounding it, suggesting a potential opportunity to make the overall climax more consistently emotionally resonant.


Writer's Craft Overall Analysis

The screenplay demonstrates a strong foundation in creating emotionally resonant scenes with compelling characters and engaging dialogue. The writer displays a talent for crafting tension, suspense, and atmospheric settings. However, there's room for growth in consistently developing character arcs, strengthening narrative structure, and refining dialogue techniques to maximize impact and clarity. The writer shows promise in exploring diverse cultural elements and complex themes, but consistency in applying these strengths across all scenes is needed.

Key Improvement Areas

Character Development
Multiple scene analyses mention the need for further development of protagonist goals (internal and external), deeper exploration of character motivations, and enhancing the emotional depth and authenticity of characters. While some scenes effectively introduce characters and their conflicts, a more consistent and thorough approach to character arcs across the entire screenplay is necessary.
Dialogue
Many scenes receive positive feedback for dialogue's emotional depth and impact. However, there are also suggestions to improve dialogue's clarity, authenticity, and effectiveness in conveying conflicting viewpoints, hidden agendas, and subtle character motivations. Practicing writing dialogue-driven scenes with more complex subtext will be beneficial.
Narrative Structure and Pacing
Suggestions repeatedly mention studying screenplay structure. While some scenes build tension effectively, consistent pacing and a more refined narrative structure are crucial for creating a more cohesive and impactful overall story. The writer may benefit from a clearer understanding of three-act structure and scene construction techniques.

Suggestions

Type Suggestion Rationale
Book 'Save the Cat! Writes a Novel' by Jessica Brody This book provides a comprehensive guide to structuring narratives and developing compelling characters, addressing both character development and narrative structure weaknesses identified in the scene analyses.
Book 'The Anatomy of Story' by John Truby This book offers in-depth insights into crafting compelling characters and plots, focusing on the underlying motivations and desires that drive characters and shape the story, directly addressing a recurring need for deeper character development.
Screenplay Study screenplays by Aaron Sorkin (e.g., 'The Social Network', 'A Few Good Men') and Guillermo Arriaga ('Babel') Sorkin's screenplays offer examples of sharp, engaging dialogue that drives character development and plot, while Arriaga's work showcases complex narratives and intricate character dynamics, addressing both dialogue and character development improvements.
Video Masterclass courses on screenwriting (e.g., those taught by Shonda Rhimes or Aaron Sorkin) These courses offer a structured learning environment, combining practical advice with insights from established screenwriters. This will support overall improvement across multiple aspects of screenwriting.
Exercise Rewrite existing scenes, focusing on tightening dialogue and sharpening character motivations.Practice In SceneProv This practical exercise forces the writer to reconsider their choices and make more deliberate decisions regarding dialogue and character arcs. The process of revision strengthens understanding and improves the writer's craft.
Exercise Write scenes with contrasting viewpoints or hidden agendas, focusing on using subtext to build tension and reveal character.Practice In SceneProv This exercise directly addresses the need for more nuanced dialogue and complex character interactions. It encourages the writer to move beyond surface-level communication and develop characters with greater depth.
Exercise Practice outlining screenplays before writing, focusing on clearly defined character arcs and plot points.Practice In SceneProv This exercise will help the writer solidify their understanding of narrative structure and pacing, addressing the need for a more consistent and cohesive storytelling approach.
Stories Similar to this one

Story Explanation
The Night Of This HBO miniseries explores the complexities of the criminal justice system through the story of a young man accused of murder. Similar to the screenplay, it delves into themes of violence, societal issues, and the impact of media on public perception, while also featuring a strong focus on character development and moral ambiguity.
Roma Alfonso Cuarón's film captures the life of a domestic worker in Mexico City during the 1970s, highlighting themes of class struggle, personal sacrifice, and the intersection of personal and political turmoil. The vibrant depiction of Mexico City and the exploration of women's roles resonate with the screenplay's setting and character dynamics.
The Handmaid's Tale This dystopian series portrays a society where women are oppressed and their rights are stripped away. The protagonist's struggle against a violent and patriarchal system mirrors Rita's fight for justice and her navigation through a male-dominated legal and societal landscape.
The Godfather Francis Ford Coppola's classic film about organized crime explores themes of loyalty, family, and the moral complexities of power. The interactions between Rita and the cartel leader, as well as the exploration of identity and transformation, echo the intricate relationships and moral dilemmas faced by characters in The Godfather.
The Kite Runner Khaled Hosseini's novel deals with themes of guilt, redemption, and the impact of personal choices against a backdrop of societal upheaval. The emotional weight of the characters' pasts and their struggles for justice and identity resonate with Rita's journey and the screenplay's exploration of violence and love.
Narcos This series chronicles the rise of drug cartels in Colombia and the law enforcement efforts to combat them. The depiction of the drug trade, violence, and the personal stories of those involved, including lawyers and victims, parallels the screenplay's exploration of the cartel's influence and the legal battles surrounding it.
A Streetcar Named Desire Tennessee Williams' play features themes of desire, violence, and the fragility of human relationships. The emotional struggles of the characters and the tension between personal aspirations and societal expectations reflect Rita's internal conflicts and her interactions with others in the screenplay.
The Invisible Man This novel by H.G. Wells explores themes of identity, isolation, and the consequences of unchecked power. The protagonist's struggle with their identity and the societal implications of their actions resonate with Rita's journey of self-discovery and her fight against oppressive forces.
The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo Stieg Larsson's novel features a strong female protagonist who navigates a world filled with violence, corruption, and personal trauma. The themes of justice, revenge, and the exploration of dark societal issues parallel Rita's experiences and her quest for truth in the screenplay.

Here are different Tropes found in the screenplay

Trope Trope Details Trope Explanation
The FallThe scene opens with a violent struggle culminating in a woman being thrown from a high window.This trope often symbolizes a dramatic turning point or a moment of irreversible change. An example is in 'The Dark Knight' when Rachel Dawes falls to her death, impacting Bruce Wayne's character arc.
The Unheard HeroRita delivers a speech in court, but no one pays attention to her.This trope highlights the struggle of a character whose voice is ignored despite their importance. An example is in 'Erin Brockovich' where Erin's efforts are initially overlooked.
Crowd as CharacterRita is swept along by a dense crowd that echoes her words about violence and love.This trope uses a crowd to reflect the protagonist's emotions or themes of the story. An example is in 'Les Misérables' where the crowd embodies the revolutionary spirit.
The MentorRita seeks guidance from Berlinger, her boss, during the trial.The mentor trope involves a character who provides wisdom and guidance to the protagonist. An example is Mr. Miyagi in 'The Karate Kid.'
The Call to AdventureRita receives a mysterious call offering her a chance to take control of her fate.This trope signifies the moment a character is invited to embark on a journey. An example is in 'The Hobbit' when Gandalf invites Bilbo on an adventure.
The Femme FataleRita navigates dangerous situations involving powerful men and cartel leaders.This trope features a seductive woman who leads men into dangerous situations. An example is Catwoman in 'Batman.'
The Tragic BackstoryRita reflects on her struggles and the violence surrounding her clients.This trope provides characters with a past that explains their current motivations. An example is Batman's backstory of witnessing his parents' murder.
The Power of FriendshipRita and Emilia support each other through their struggles.This trope emphasizes the strength found in friendships. An example is in 'Thelma & Louise' where the bond between the two women drives the narrative.
The Final ConfrontationRita faces off against Gustavo in a tense showdown.This trope represents the climax where the protagonist confronts the antagonist. An example is in 'Star Wars' when Luke faces Darth Vader.
The Redemption ArcCharacters like Manitas seek transformation and redemption.This trope involves a character seeking to atone for past mistakes. An example is in 'A Christmas Carol' with Ebenezer Scrooge.


Theme Theme Details Themee Explanation
Corruption and the Cycle of ViolenceThe screenplay depicts the pervasive corruption within Mexican society, from the cartel's brutality to the complicity of legal and political systems. The cyclical nature of violence is shown through generational trauma and the perpetuation of harmful power dynamics.This theme explores how power corrupts, leading to violence and exploitation. It also illustrates how the consequences of past violence continue to affect future generations.
Strengthening Corruption and the Cycle of Violence:
Suggestion Type How to Strengthen the Theme
Story Arc Introduce a recurring visual motif – a decaying building or a specific object (e.g., a broken doll, a wilting flower) – that subtly appears throughout the film, symbolizing the crumbling societal structures and the destructive cycle of violence affecting the characters' lives. Its presence in different scenes would visually reinforce the theme without being overly explicit.
Dialogue - Scene 3, 4, 17, 20, 37 Integrate subtle variations of the 'going up, going down' motif into dialogues across multiple scenes. Rita could use it internally while reflecting or externally in discussions with other characters, highlighting the cyclical nature of corruption and violence, mirroring the ups and downs of their lives and the fluctuating power dynamics within the system.
Character Arc Develop Rita's internal conflict more explicitly. Show her gradual disillusionment with the legal system, and how her initial idealism is eroded by the pervasive corruption. This could be shown through her actions, internal monologues, and evolving relationship with Berlinger and other characters. Her arc needs to demonstrate the cycle's impact directly upon her.
Visual - Scene 10, 17, 22, 34 Employ contrasting visual imagery throughout to amplify the themes. For example, juxtapose scenes of opulence and luxury (like the Bangkok clinic or the Lausanne villa) with stark depictions of poverty and violence (the desert, the overcrowded market, the prison). This visual contrast should powerfully illustrate the consequences of corruption and its impact on all strata of society.
Action & Story Arc Create a parallel narrative arc involving the disappeared, possibly linking them to Manitas's past crimes. This could subtly weave into the main plot through the NGO's work in the final act, showing how the cycle of violence affects entire communities and creates a legacy of suffering that extends beyond Manitas himself. The resolution shouldn't provide easy answers but could show the difficult and long-lasting fight to break the cycle.
Justice and RedemptionRita's work as a lawyer, initially focused on individual cases, evolves into a broader fight for justice. Emilia's actions, while morally ambiguous, stem from a desire for redemption and societal change.This theme explores the complexities of achieving justice in a corrupt system and the possibility of finding redemption even after engaging in violence.
Identity and TransformationManitas' gender transition serves as a powerful metaphor for the transformative potential of agency, even within a restrictive environment. Emilia's own transformation, from victim to activist, mirrors this theme. Rita's professional and personal evolution also reflects this.This explores the complexities of personal identity, the search for self-acceptance, and the ability to reinvent oneself despite challenging circumstances.
Love and LossThe screenplay portrays various forms of love – romantic, familial, and even a twisted form of loyalty within the cartel – and the devastating impact of loss, both personal and societal.This theme provides emotional depth, highlighting the human cost of violence and the enduring impact of trauma. It explores the strength of human bonds despite adversity.
Female Agency and ResistanceThe female characters, despite facing immense challenges, demonstrate resilience and agency in confronting patriarchal structures and systemic corruption. They resist oppressive forces in various ways – through legal action, activism, and even acts of violence.This theme explores the strength and resilience of women in the face of adversity, showcasing their capacity for resistance and agency within a patriarchal society.



Screenwriting Resources on Themes

Articles

Site Description
Studio Binder Movie Themes: Examples of Common Themes for Screenwriters
Coverfly Improving your Screenplay's theme
John August Writing from Theme

YouTube Videos

Title Description
Story, Plot, Genre, Theme - Screenwriting Basics Screenwriting basics - beginner video
What is theme Discussion on ways to layer theme into a screenplay.
Thematic Mistakes You're Making in Your Script Common Theme mistakes and Philosophical Conflicts
Voice Analysis
Summary: The writer's voice is characterized by a potent blend of gritty realism and poetic introspection. The narrative seamlessly weaves together vivid imagery, intense action sequences, and emotionally resonant dialogue, often incorporating Spanish to enhance authenticity and cultural depth. The writer displays a keen eye for detail, capturing both the chaotic energy of Mexico City and the quiet, internal struggles of the characters. There's a recurring theme of juxtaposing violence and beauty, celebration and despair, creating a compellingly complex and morally ambiguous world.
Voice Contribution The writer's voice contributes to the script by creating a richly textured and atmospheric experience. The blend of realism and poetry elevates the themes of justice, identity, and survival beyond simplistic portrayals, adding layers of meaning and emotional depth. The use of Spanish adds authenticity and a unique cultural flavor, while the vivid imagery and intense action sequences heighten the dramatic tension and keep the audience engaged. The morally ambiguous characters and situations force the viewer to grapple with complex ethical dilemmas, prompting deeper reflection on the themes explored.
Best Representation Scene 3 - Echoes of Love and Violence
Best Scene Explanation This scene is the best representation because it encapsulates the writer's signature style most effectively. It masterfully combines the visceral imagery of street violence with Rita's introspective narration, showcasing both the external chaos and internal conflict that define the screenplay. The seamless transition between the quiet contemplation and the erupting chaos perfectly mirrors the unpredictable nature of the world the characters inhabit, highlighting the writer's ability to create a powerful emotional impact through carefully crafted juxtapositions.
Originality
  • Overall originality score: 9
  • Overall originality explanation: The screenplay showcases a high level of originality through its unique blend of cultural elements, complex character dynamics, and innovative narrative structures. The incorporation of themes such as violence, justice, identity, and societal issues, particularly within the context of Mexico City, adds depth and authenticity. The use of bilingual dialogue, the exploration of personal and professional struggles, and the integration of music and poetic elements further enhance its originality. Each scene introduces fresh perspectives and unexpected twists, making the screenplay stand out in its genre.
  • Most unique situations: The most unique situations in the screenplay are the portrayal of a lawyer navigating the complexities of the legal system while grappling with personal trauma, the use of a mysterious package containing severed fingers as a plot device, and the emotional depth explored through musical expressions of identity and loss. Additionally, the dynamic between characters involved in crime and those seeking justice creates a compelling tension that is rarely seen in traditional narratives.
  • Overall unpredictability score: 8.5
  • Overall unpredictability explanation: The screenplay maintains a strong sense of unpredictability through its intricate plot twists and character developments. The intertwining of personal relationships with criminal elements keeps the audience guessing about the characters' fates and motivations. The unexpected shifts in tone, such as the transition from moments of levity to intense drama, and the introduction of shocking elements like the violent confrontations and the emotional revelations contribute to a narrative that defies conventional expectations. This unpredictability is further enhanced by the complex moral dilemmas faced by the characters, making it difficult to anticipate their choices.
Goals and Philosophical Conflict
internal GoalsThe protagonist, Rita, experiences a profound evolution of internal goals throughout the screenplay. Initially focused on survival and escaping the violence she faces, her journey reflects a growing desire for safety, justice, and identity. She wrestles with frustration regarding the corrupt legal system and her disillusionment with societal expectations. Eventually, her goals extend to impactful advocacy and striving for compassion amid chaos.
External Goals Rita's external goals are shaped by her circumstances, evolving from navigating immediate threats to actively representing clients and fighting against systemic injustices. Her role transitions from a passive observer of violence to a proactive force for change, advocating for marginalized voices and striving for social justice amidst chaos.
Philosophical Conflict The overarching philosophical conflict centers around Justice vs. Corruption. Rita's journey illustrates the struggle between the desire for justice amidst a corrupt system and the moral complexities that often accompany advocacy work.


Character Development Contribution: The evolution of Rita's internal and external goals significantly contributes to her character development, as she transitions from a frightened individual seeking escape to a courageous advocate driven by compassion and justice.

Narrative Structure Contribution: These conflicts and goals create a narrative arc that emphasizes the stakes surrounding Rita's experiences, driving the story forward as she navigates complex relationships and societal challenges, leading to heightened tension and eventual resolution.

Thematic Depth Contribution: The exploration of goals and conflicts enriches the thematic depth of the screenplay by addressing critical societal issues such as corruption, identity, and the quest for justice, ultimately leading to broader reflections on human resilience and compassion in the face of adversity.


Screenwriting Resources on Goals and Philosophical Conflict

Articles

Site Description
Creative Screenwriting How Important Is A Character’s Goal?
Studio Binder What is Conflict in a Story? A Quick Reminder of the Purpose of Conflict

YouTube Videos

Title Description
How I Build a Story's Philosophical Conflict How do you build philosophical conflict into your story? Where do you start? And how do you develop it into your characters and their external actions. Today I’m going to break this all down and make it fully clear in this episode.
Endings: The Good, the Bad, and the Insanely Great By Michael Arndt: I put this lecture together in 2006, when I started work at Pixar on Toy Story 3. It looks at how to write an "insanely great" ending, using Star Wars, The Graduate, and Little Miss Sunshine as examples. 90 minutes
Tips for Writing Effective Character Goals By Jessica Brody (Save the Cat!): Writing character goals is one of the most important jobs of any novelist. But are your character's goals...mushy?
World Building
  • Physical environment: The screenplay's physical environment spans a wide range, from the vibrant, bustling streets and luxurious apartments of Mexico City to the desolate Chihuahua Desert, a crowded market in Chapultepec, a sterile Bangkok clinic, a snowy Swiss villa, and even a gritty prison in Mexico. Specific locations include 7-Eleven stores, courthouses, women's restrooms, newsstands, trailers, compounds, haciendas, and a rural quarry. The contrast between opulence (villas in Mexico City, Lausanne, and London) and stark poverty and danger (desert compounds, the refinery, prisons) is a key feature.
  • Culture: The dominant culture is Mexican, vividly portrayed through the Spanish language, the presence of street vendors, taquerias, narco-corridos, religious imagery, and traditional mourning rituals. However, the screenplay also incorporates elements of other cultures: American (through English dialogue, 7-Eleven, and references to American TV shows like 'The Sopranos'), Israeli (Tel Aviv settings, Hebrew dialogue), and hints of Dominican and other Latin American cultures. The blend of cultures reflects the globalized nature of the drug trade and the characters' movements across international borders.
  • Society: The societal structure is complex and multi-layered. A stark class divide is evident between the wealthy elite (Mendozas, Emilia, Jessi after her transformation) and the impoverished masses, with the drug cartels forming a powerful, criminal underworld operating parallel to, and often influencing, the legitimate legal and social structures. Gender roles are challenged, particularly through Manitas' gender transition and Emilia's empowerment. The justice system is shown as imperfect and potentially corrupt, while the NGO, La Lucecita, represents an attempt to address social injustice and provide support for victims of the drug trade and missing persons cases. The societal pressures on women are explored through Rita's professional and personal struggles.
  • Technology: Technology plays a varied role, ranging from advanced medical technologies used in gender reassignment surgeries to mundane elements like computer screens, video surveillance, cell phones, and walkie-talkies. The use of drones, night vision goggles, and automatic weapons highlights the technological sophistication of the criminal underworld. The contrast between the high-tech medical procedures and the primitive conditions in the desert compounds underscores the disparities in access to resources and opportunities.
  • Characters influence: The world's unique elements directly shape the characters' experiences and actions. Rita's legal career is intertwined with the realities of violence and corruption in Mexico, constantly testing her morality and pushing her to make difficult choices. Manitas' desire for gender reassignment is a direct response to the violent and restrictive environment of the cartel. Emilia's wealth allows her to attempt to counteract the damage caused by the cartels, but her personal life is significantly impacted by the consequences of her actions. The characters' motivations and choices are constantly informed by their environment.
  • Narrative contribution: The world-building significantly contributes to the narrative by establishing stakes and creating suspense. The contrasting settings heighten the drama, while the cultural details add authenticity and depth. The constant shifting between high-society events and dangerous criminal encounters drives the plot forward and keeps the audience engaged. The juxtaposition of the mundane (7-Eleven) with the extreme (desert corpses) creates a powerful sense of unease and underscores the pervasive nature of violence.
  • Thematic depth contribution: The world elements contribute to the thematic depth by exploring several complex themes: the corrupting influence of power and wealth; the struggle for identity and self-acceptance; the pervasiveness of violence and its impact on individuals and society; the search for justice and redemption; and the complexities of family relationships in challenging circumstances. The contrast between luxury and squalor, between hope and despair, enriches these themes and adds layers of meaning to the narrative. The screenplay uses the setting to explore the complex interplay between personal struggles and larger societal issues.
Story Engine Analysis

central conflict

The central conflict revolves around the struggle for justice and identity amidst a backdrop of violence, corruption, and personal trauma, particularly focusing on Rita's and Emilia's efforts to navigate their roles in a society plagued by crime and loss.

primary motivations

  • Rita's desire to advocate for justice and support her clients.
  • Emilia's quest for self-identity and redemption after her traumatic past.
  • Jessi's struggle for stability and safety for her children.
  • The community's need for closure regarding their missing loved ones.

catalysts

  • The violent act against Gabriel Mendoza that sets off the legal battle.
  • Rita's involvement with the cartel leader Manitas, which complicates her moral standing.
  • The formation of the NGO La Lucecita, aiming to help families of the disappeared.
  • The personal relationships and conflicts between Rita, Emilia, and Jessi that drive the narrative forward.

barriers

  • Societal and systemic corruption that undermines the pursuit of justice.
  • Personal trauma and emotional baggage that hinder character development.
  • The threat of violence from criminal elements that complicates their efforts.
  • Conflicting motivations and loyalties among the main characters.

themes

  • The impact of violence on personal identity and community.
  • The quest for justice in a corrupt society.
  • The complexities of love and familial bonds in the face of adversity.
  • The struggle for self-acceptance and transformation.

stakes

The stakes include the safety and well-being of the characters, the potential for justice for victims of violence, and the emotional and psychological healing of those affected by trauma.

uniqueness factor

The story uniquely intertwines legal drama with elements of crime thriller and social commentary, exploring the intersection of personal and societal issues in a vibrant yet dangerous setting.

audience hook

The main audience hook lies in the intense emotional journeys of the characters, the suspense of their legal battles, and the moral dilemmas they face in a world rife with corruption and violence.

paradoxical engine or bisociation

The paradoxical engine is the juxtaposition of Rita's legal aspirations against the backdrop of her involvement with the criminal underworld, creating tension between her professional ethics and personal survival.

paradoxical engine or bisociation 2

A second bisociation could be the contrast between the hope embodied by the NGO La Lucecita and the despair of the families of the disappeared, highlighting the struggle between optimism and the harsh realities of their circumstances.


Engine: Claude

Screenplay Rating:

Consider

Executive Summary

The screenplay for 'Emilia Perez' is a complex and ambitious story that explores themes of identity, love, and the impact of violence in Mexico. The narrative follows the intertwining lives of several characters, including Emilia Perez, a transgendered woman, and Rita Mora Castro, a lawyer who becomes involved in Emilia's life. The screenplay delves into the challenges faced by marginalized individuals, the complexities of family dynamics, and the corruption within Mexican society. While the script showcases strong character development and thought-provoking themes, it also exhibits some areas for improvement in terms of pacing, clarity, and cohesion. Overall, the screenplay has the potential to be a compelling and impactful feature film, but would benefit from further refinement and polishing.

Strengths
Areas of Improvement
MissingElements
  • While the screenplay explores the complexities of gender identity and the challenges faced by marginalized individuals, a more explicit examination of the transgender experience and the societal attitudes towards it could strengthen the narrative and make it more impactful. medium ( Scene N/A (N/A)   )
  • The screenplay could benefit from a more cohesive and compelling through-line that ties all the various storylines and themes together, providing a stronger sense of narrative unity. high ( Scene N/A (N/A)   )
NotablePoints
Blind Spots
  • Lack of clear protagonist The screenplay does not have a singular, clearly defined protagonist, as the narrative follows the intertwining stories of several characters, including Emilia Perez, Rita Mora Castro, Jessi, and Epifanía. While this approach allows for a more nuanced and multi-faceted exploration of the themes, it may also cause the audience to struggle with identifying a clear central character to invest in and root for. medium
  • Uneven pacing As noted in the areas of improvement, the pacing of the screenplay is uneven, with some sequences feeling dragged out or rushed. This could make it challenging for the audience to maintain engagement and follow the narrative effectively. The writer may need to closely examine the pacing and tempo of the script to ensure a more consistent and compelling rhythm. medium
Amateur Giveaways
  • Dialogue exposition In some instances, the dialogue feels overly expository, with characters providing too much information or background that could be conveyed in a more natural and organic way. For example, in Sequence 4, the dialogue between Rita and Jessi at times feels forced and heavy-handed in its attempts to explain the characters' relationships and backstories. medium
  • Underdeveloped secondary characters While the main characters of Emilia, Rita, and Jessi are well-developed, some of the secondary characters, such as Berlinger and Gustavo Brun, feel underdeveloped and one-dimensional. Fleshing out these supporting characters and giving them more distinct voices and motivations could help strengthen the overall narrative and make the world of the screenplay feel more fully realized. medium

Engine: Gemini

Screenplay Rating:

Consider

Executive Summary

Emilia Perez is a bold and ambitious screenplay with a unique premise and strong female characters. The narrative is driven by a compelling mystery and explores complex themes of justice, identity, and redemption. While the screenplay demonstrates originality and stylistic flair, some areas require further development to achieve a more cohesive and emotionally resonant narrative. Specifically, refining the pacing, tightening the plot, and deepening character relationships would significantly enhance the overall impact.

Strengths
Areas of Improvement
  • The pacing feels uneven. Some sections, particularly those involving Rita's travels and surgical procedures, could be condensed. Others feel rushed, lacking the emotional weight they deserve. high ( Scene   )
  • The plot could benefit from more focused development. Certain subplots, particularly those involving some of the secondary characters, feel underdeveloped and could be removed or better integrated into the main narrative. high ( Scene   )
  • While the female characters are strong, their relationships could be deepened. Exploring the nuances of Emilia and Rita's bond, as well as Emilia's relationship with Jessi, would add emotional depth and complexity. medium ( Scene   )
  • The ending feels abrupt and lacks a satisfying sense of closure. The final scenes could be revised to provide a more emotionally impactful and thematically consistent conclusion, resolving the audience's expectations. high ( Scene 53   )
  • The dialogue is sometimes overwritten, particularly during emotionally charged scenes. Streamlining the dialogue and focusing on subtext would heighten the emotional impact. medium ( Scene   )
MissingElements
  • A more developed backstory for Emilia would add depth and context to her motivations and actions. Her sudden transformation into a social justice advocate needs more groundwork. medium ( Scene   )
  • The screenplay lacks clear stakes for the characters. While there are threats of violence, their immediate consequences are not always fully developed or explored. medium ( Scene   )
  • The motivations of some secondary characters, especially some of the cartel members, remain unclear, impacting the overall narrative's coherence. low ( Scene   )
NotablePoints
  • The opening scene is visually striking and immediately establishes the film's tone and atmosphere. The juxtaposition of the city's glittering facade and the brutal violence sets a strong foundation for the narrative. high ( Scene 1   )
  • The depiction of the surgical procedures, while potentially graphic, could be a powerful and visually striking element. The repetitive nature of the procedures further enhances the thematic elements. medium ( Scene 13   )
  • The use of counterpoint dialogue during Emilia's fundraising speech effectively comments on the hypocrisy and corruption within society. high ( Scene 40   )
  • The climactic scene's use of smoke and the gradual reveal of Emilia's past adds to the emotional intensity and the thematic exploration of identity. high ( Scene 57   )
Blind Spots
  • Cultural Nuances The screenplay, while attempting to portray Mexican culture, might oversimplify or stereotype certain aspects. More research and consultation with cultural experts could add depth and authenticity, preventing potentially offensive generalizations. high
Amateur Giveaways
  • Plot Holes The screenplay contains several inconsistencies and plot holes that need to be addressed. For example, the sudden appearance and disappearance of characters, and the lack of clear consequences for certain actions, create moments of disbelief and weaken the overall narrative. high
  • Overwritten Dialogue The dialogue often feels expositional and lacks natural flow. In several scenes, characters deliver long speeches that would be more effective if conveyed subtly through actions and interactions. medium

Engine: GPT4

Screenplay Rating:

Recommend

Executive Summary

The screenplay of 'Emilia Perez' presents a compelling narrative that intertwines themes of identity, love, and the complexities of human relationships against a backdrop of violence and societal issues in Mexico. The character arcs are well-developed, particularly that of Rita, who evolves from a lawyer focused on her career to someone deeply involved in the lives of her clients. The screenplay's strengths lie in its rich dialogue, unique stylistic choices, and the emotional depth of its characters. However, there are areas for improvement, particularly in pacing and clarity in certain plot points.

Strengths
Areas of Improvement
MissingElements
NotablePoints
Blind Spots
  • Character motivations Some characters' motivations, particularly secondary ones, are not fully explored, which can lead to confusion about their actions and decisions. For example, the motivations behind Manitas' actions could be clearer to enhance the narrative. medium
Amateur Giveaways
  • Pacing issues Certain scenes feel rushed or unevenly paced, which can disrupt the flow of the narrative. For instance, the transition between Rita's courtroom scenes and her personal life could be smoother to maintain engagement. medium
Memorable lines in the script:

Scene Number Line
14Rita: Changing the body, changes Society. Changing Society, changes the soul. Changing the soul, changes Society. Changing Society, changes it all.
17Manitas: I was entitled to another life, a life of my own.
20MANITAS: No me falta el cielo, no me falta el mar, no me falta la voz, pero me falta cantar.
4Rita: Vengan, todos, abran las Puertas del Tribunal de su Conciencia ¡Oigan, respondan mi pregunta! ¿Podrían dar a mi cliente, el señor Gabriel Mendoza, el derecho de amar a su esposa?
5Berlinger: I ask purely and simply that the case against my client Gabriel Mendoza be dismissed…