Mind Hunter
Executive Summary
Overview
Genres: Output:, Crime, Drama, Thriller
Setting: 1977, Pittsburgh
Overview: Mind Hunter is a gripping and intense script that follows FBI agent Holden Ford as he delves into the minds of criminals and challenges traditional law enforcement methods. The story begins with Holden's arrival at the FBI Training Academy and his encounters with a distressed individual and a brutal murder case. As the script progresses, Holden forms a complex relationship with his girlfriend Debbie and his mentor Bill Tench, while also facing personal and professional challenges. The script explores themes of communication, mental health, law enforcement, relationships, and trauma. It takes the audience on a journey through the dark and mysterious world of criminal psychology, leaving them intrigued and wanting more.
Themes: Communication and Connection, Mental Health and Emotional Struggles, Law Enforcement and Criminal Psychology, Relationships and Intimacy, Trauma and its Effects
Conflict and Stakes: The primary conflicts in this story include the Negotiator's struggle to establish communication with Cody and Holden's attempt to de-escalate the situation. The stakes are high as the Negotiator and Holden are trying to prevent a tragic outcome.
Overall Mood: Tense and suspenseful
Mood/Tone at Key Scenes:
- Scene 2: Tense and suspenseful, with a tragic ending
Standout Features:
- Exploration of criminal psychology: The screenplay delves into the minds of criminals and the psychological aspects of their behavior.
- Tense and suspenseful scenes: The screenplay features scenes that will keep audiences on the edge of their seats.
- Complex and compelling characters: The screenplay presents characters with depth and complexity, making them relatable and engaging.
Comparable Scripts:
- Mindhunter (TV Show)
- Zodiac (Movie)
- True Detective (TV Show)
- Se7en (Movie)
- Silence of the Lambs (Movie)
- Heat (Movie)
- Training Day (Movie)
- Gone Girl (Movie)
- The Departed (Movie)
- The Wire (TV Show)
- American Crime Story: The People v. O.J. Simpson (TV Show)
- The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo (Book/Movie)
- Prisoners (Movie)
- The Killing (TV Show)
- The Silence of the Lambs (Book)
Writing Style:
The overall writing style of the screenplay is characterized by sharp and fast-paced dialogue, exploration of complex themes, and a focus on tension and suspense.
Style Similarities:
- Aaron Sorkin
- David Fincher
Pass/Consider/Recommend
Consider
Explanation: The screenplay shows promise in its exploration of criminal psychology and profiling, with strong scenes that effectively set up the premise and introduce thought-provoking themes. The use of unconventional behavior and the introduction of intriguing characters add depth to the story. However, there is room for improvement in developing emotional impact, creating more conflict and obstacles, and providing clearer context and resolutions for certain scenes. The character arcs of Holden Ford, Cody Miller, Debbie, and Bill Tench show potential, but could benefit from further exploration and depth. Overall, the screenplay has a solid foundation but would benefit from further refinement and development to fully engage and captivate the audience.
USP: The Unique Selling Proposition in this screenplay is the exploration of the clash between traditional law enforcement methods and the emerging field of criminal psychology. It highlights the importance of practical knowledge and the need to update investigative techniques. The script also delves into the FBI recruitment process and the dynamics between the main characters, providing a unique voice and perspective on the subject matter. With its tense negotiation scenes, unexpected twists, and psychological tactics, this script offers a compelling and distinctive storytelling experience that sets it apart from others in its genre. It will be of interest to its target audience by offering a fresh and thought-provoking take on crime investigation and the human psyche.
Market Analysis
Budget Estimate:$10-15 million
Target Audience Demographics: Adults aged 25-54, fans of crime dramas and psychological thrillers
Marketability: The screenplay explores compelling themes and features tense and suspenseful scenes that will attract fans of crime dramas and psychological thrillers.
The screenplay has a unique blend of genres, including crime drama and psychological thriller, which will appeal to a wide audience.
The screenplay features strong and complex characters, which will attract audiences looking for character-driven stories.
Profit Potential: Moderate to high, due to the strong appeal to a wide adult audience and potential for critical acclaim and awards.
Analysis Criteria Percentiles
Writer's Voice
Summary:The writer's voice throughout the screenplay is concise, focused, and realistic. They use dialogue and narrative description to create tension, explore complex themes, and develop the characters. The writer's voice is characterized by a blend of seriousness and humor, as well as a strong emphasis on dialogue-driven scenes.
Best representation: Scene 3 - Negotiation Gone Awry. This scene is the best representation of the author's voice because it showcases their ability to create vivid and evocative imagery, realistic dialogue, and explore complex internal conflicts.
Memorable Lines:
- CODY: You can see me, right? (Scene 1)
- Holden: How good is the book? (Scene 3)
- Wilson: These people... are people. (Scene 4)
- Holden: Complicated, right? Always expect 'complicated.' (Scene 12)
- McGraw: There’s nothing. There’s nothing people won’t do to each other. (Scene 18)
Characters
The Negotiator:A skilled negotiator trying to establish communication with Cody
Cody:A person inside the abandoned warehouse, being communicated with by the Negotiator
Agent Holden Ford:An FBI agent who arrives at the scene and tries to de-escalate the situation
Cody's wife Sissy:Cody's wife who arrives at the scene
Shepard:Holden's Unit Chief at the FBI
Debbie:Holden's love interest and a source of support
Story Shape
Screenplay Story Analysis
Note: This is the overall critique. For scene by scene critique click here
Story Content | Character Development | Scene Elements | Audience Engagement | Technical Aspects | |||||||||||||||||
---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
Click for Full Analysis | Tone | Overall Grade | Concept | Plot | Originality Score | Characters | Character Changes | Internal Goal | External Goal | Conflict | Opposition | High stakes | Story forward | Twist | Emotional Impact | Dialogue | Engagement | Pacing | Formatting | Structure | |
1 - Negotiation | tense, serious | 7 | 6 | 5 | 4 | 7 | 3 | 7 | 8 | 6 | 7 | 4 | 5 | 5 | 4 | 6 | 6 | 9 | 9 | 8 | |
2 - Negotiation at the Warehouse | Tense, Suspenseful, Dramatic | 8 | 7 | 8 | 5 | 7 | 6 | 8 | 7 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 8 | 7 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 8 | |
3 - Negotiation Gone Awry | Tense, Confused, Shocking | 8 | 7 | 8 | 6 | 7 | 7 | 8 | 7 | 9 | 7 | 9 | 8 | 7 | 8 | 7 | 8 | 8 | 9 | 8 | |
4 - Negotiation Gone Awry | Tense, Confused, Shocking | 8 | 7 | 8 | 6 | 7 | 7 | 8 | 7 | 9 | 7 | 9 | 8 | 6 | 8 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 8 | |
5 - Negotiation Gone Awry | Tense, Confusing, Shocking | 8 | 7 | 8 | 6 | 7 | 7 | 8 | 7 | 9 | 4 | 9 | 8 | 5 | 8 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 8 | |
6 - Holden's Encounter at the Bar | Tense, Confused, Shocking | 8 | 7 | 6 | 6 | 9 | 5 | 8 | 7 | 4 | 5 | 3 | 5 | 7 | 6 | 8 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 8 | |
7 - Bar Conversation | Tense, Intellectual, Flirtatious | 8 | 7 | 6 | 6 | 8 | 3 | 8 | 6 | 4 | 6 | 3 | 5 | 7 | 5 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 8 | |
8 - Intimate Conversation | Tense, Flirtatious, Mysterious | 7 | 6 | 5 | 6 | 8 | 3 | 8 | 6 | 3 | 6 | 2 | 4 | 5 | 4 | 7 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 8 | |
9 - FBI Training and Academic Discussion | Tense, Serious | 8 | 8 | 7 | 8 | 8 | 6 | 8 | 7 | 7 | 7 | 6 | 8 | 6 | 6 | 9 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 8 | |
10 - Recruitment and Dialogue | Intense, Serious, Confrontational | 8 | 8 | 7 | 7 | 9 | 6 | 8 | 7 | 8 | 7 | 6 | 7 | 7 | 6 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 8 | |
11 - Flirtatious Conversation and Intimacy | Flirtatious, Casual, Playful | 8 | 7 | 6 | 4 | 9 | 6 | 8 | 6 | 4 | 2 | 3 | 5 | 3 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 7 | 8 | 7 | |
12 - Hostage Negotiation Training | Intense, Educational, Engaging | 8 | 8 | 7 | 7 | 7 | 5 | 8 | 7 | 6 | 8 | 5 | 7 | 7 | 6 | 8 | 8 | 8 | 9 | 9 | |
13 - Training and Recruitment | Intense, Serious, Tense | 8 | 7 | 8 | 6 | 9 | 6 | 8 | 7 | 6 | 7 | 6 | 8 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 8 | |
14 - Recruitment and Connection | Serious, Intimate, Tense | 8 | 7 | 7 | 4 | 8 | 5 | 8 | 6 | 5 | 6 | 4 | 7 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 8 | |
15 - FBI Training Session in Fairfield | Intense, Serious, Informative | 7 | 8 | 6 | 6 | 6 | 3 | 8 | 7 | 5 | 7 | 4 | 6 | 6 | 4 | 5 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 8 | |
16 - Teaching at Fairfield Police Department | Serious, Humorous | 7 | 8 | 7 | 8 | 7 | 4 | 8 | 7 | 6 | 6 | 5 | 7 | 7 | 5 | 8 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 9 | |
17 - Teaching at Fairfield Police Department | Serious, Intense, Controversial | 8 | 8 | 7 | 7 | 7 | 6 | 8 | 7 | 8 | 8 | 7 | 7 | 7 | 6 | 8 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 8 | |
18 - Teaching at Fairfield Police Department | Tense, Dark, Emotive | 8 | 8 | 7 | 6 | 8 | 6 | 8 | 7 | 8 | 7 | 7 | 8 | 7 | 7 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 8 | |
19 - The Dark Abyss | Suspenseful, Intense, Serious | 8 | 7 | 9 | 6 | 8 | 7 | 8 | 7 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 7 | 7 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 8 | |
20 - Doubt and Desperation | Serious, Intense, Reflective | 8 | 8 | 7 | 7 | 9 | 7 | 8 | 7 | 6 | 7 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 8 |
Scene 1 - Negotiation
Written by
Joe Penhall
Based on the book
"Mindhunter"
By John Douglas
Blue Working Draft
Copyright 2015 Netflix Studios, LLC
No reproduction, distribution, transmission or dissemination
in any manner without prior written approval from Netflix Studios, LLC.
Black screen.
TITLE: PITTSBURGH, 1977.
Under BLACK, a voice through a BULLHORN:
NEGOTIATOR (O.O.V)
Mr Miller?
CODY (O.O.V)
You can see me, right?
Ratings
Scene 2 - Negotiation at the Warehouse
Ominous-looking abandoned warehouse on the industrial side of
town -- forbidding red brick walls, loading stage, broken
windows, graffiti and a gray yard full of weeds, potholes and
puddles.
Two POLICE PATROL CARS and a POLICE SWAT VEHICLE parked up on
adjoining street, 30 yards from the entrance of the
warehouse.
Further down the block, another POLICE PATROL CAR is parked
up blocking the road and there are BYSTANDERS gathering to
watch.
A fourth POLICE PATROL CAR speeds into view, SIREN on and
comes to a sudden halt TWO UNIFORMED OFFICERS get out.
More BYSTANDERS appear and come over, attracted by the SIREN.
Half a dozen UNIFORMED OFFICERS already guard the perimeter
of the space, sealing it off. Another half dozen UNIFORMED
POLICE wait near the vehicles, smoking, watching and waiting,
some talking quietly.
The five members of the POLICE SWAT team wait by their
vehicle, wearing police uniforms, bullet proof vests and
rudimentary helmets -- their carbines already loaded and
checked.
An AMBULANCE crawls along the adjacent street and stops by
the POLICE PATROL CAR road block.
A POLICE MARKSMAN is on the roof of a building on the street
opposite, rifle trained on the warehouse door.
A POLICE NEGOTIATOR, NANKERVIS, in his 50’s, stands in no
man’s land between the vehicles and the entrance.
Mindhunter Ep 1 Blue Working Draft 8/2/18 2.
An unmarked car with two men in it pulls up at the perimeter.
One man gets out -- SPECIAL AGENT HOLDEN FORD, 29, dark suit,
tie, short back and sides -- unassuming, open, he’s the
youngest there.
He shows his badge discretely and nods to the POLICE SWAT
team -- not into playing high status.
HOLDEN.
Guys... how you doing? Holden Ford
from the FBI...
The POLICE NEGOTIATOR and other COPS eye him warily has he
approaches with his badge out.
HOLDEN. (CONT’D)
Hey. Holden Ford. FBI.
One middle-aged UNIFORMED COP nudges another one, intrigued.
HOLDEN. (CONT’D)
Holden Ford. FBI. You need some *
help? *
NANKERVIS.
Nankervis. We’re getting by.
HOLDEN.
Is he talking?
NANKERVIS.
Not making a whole lot of sense.
NANKERVIS eyes the much younger HOLDEN in his immaculate
suit, a little territorial.
On that, an iron door swings open and in the doorway of the
warehouse stands CODY MILLER, in his thirties, wired-looking,
carrying a shotgun in one hand and tugging at his belt with
the other.
The SWAT team surreptitiously moved into position and train
their weapons on MILLER -- it all happens quietly and slowly.
The other COPS tense up, stop stretching, pay attention.
NANKERVIS steps back out of the line of fire, picking up the
bull horn again.
NANKERVIS. (CONT’D)
Take it easy Mr Miller.
CODY.
Tell me you can see me.
Mindhunter Ep 1 Blue Working Draft 8/2/18 3.
NANKERVIS.
I can see that shotgun.
CODY.
I’m going to show you something.
NANKERVIS.
What are you going to show us?
Now all the weapons are trained on him, he jerks about trying
to undo his belt and pants. Nobody knows what he’s about to
do and the assembled cops start to murmur and fret.
NANKERVIS. (CONT’D)
What are you doing? What’s he
doing?
HOLDEN FORD steps in.
HOLDEN.
Maybe don’t use the bull horn. *
NANKERVIS.
Huh?
HOLDEN.
Do me a favour and don’t use the
bull horn -- just talk to him.
NANKERVIS.
Is it a problem?
HOLDEN.
Might freak him out. *
NANKERVIS.
What?
HOLDEN.
He’s forty feet away. You don’t *
need it. *
A couple of UNIFORMED COPS exchange glances at this.
CODY.
Hey. You’re not listening...
NANKERVIS switches off the horn, discards it.
CODY. (CONT’D)
I’m going to give you something to
think about.
Mindhunter Ep 1 Blue Working Draft 8/2/18 4.
HOLDEN.
Cody, Holden Ford, FBI. I’m here to
help.
CODY.
G-Man? I‘m going to give you
something to chew on, G-Man.
CODY gets his belt off and drops his pants. The assembled men
react, surprised, some grin. “What?” “What the fuck?” Etc.
HOLDEN tries to stay focussed, smiles uncertainly.
HOLDEN.
Okay... *
CODY strips off his lumber jacket, shirt, vest.
NEGOTIATOR.
Put your fucking shirt on, Miller.
HOLDEN.
May I talk to him? *
NEGOTIATOR. *
Be my guest. *
CODY.
Are you fixing to shoot me?
HOLDEN.
Nobody’s going to shoot anybody,
Cody.
CODY.
That’s right you’re not. Because
you can’t shoot what you can’t see.
CODY kicks off his shoes, jeans, pants, socks, still holding
his shotgun. He’s naked. A few people snigger or smile,
bemused.
The SWAT team inch forward, looking to HOLDEN to check if
this is the moment to take him.
HOLDEN.
Fellas? Could you just step back
please? Thank you.
CODY.
You see this?
Mindhunter Ep 1 Blue Working Draft 8/2/18 4A.
HOLDEN.
We see you Cody... don’t you
worry...
Mindhunter Ep 1 Blue Working Draft 8/2/18 5.
CODY.
What do you see? Tell me what you
see.
HOLDEN.
I can see that you’re naked.
You wanna put your pants back on?
Aren’t you cold?
CODY stares a moment, wrong-footed by HOLDEN’s sincerity.
NANKERVIS subtly makes a face or shakes his head, “Who is
this guy?”
CODY turns his back and goes back inside the warehouse, as if
he’s lost his nerve, leaving the various items of clothing.
They stare after him, bemused.
NANKERVIS.
Thanks Agent Ford. I like the way
you took control of the situa --
HOLDEN.
Who else is in there?
NANKERVIS.
Night watchman and the girl who
answers the phone.
HOLDEN.
Can we get him on the phone?
NANKERVIS.
They stopped answering.
HOLDEN.
What does he want?
NANKERVIS.
Keeps asking for his wife.
HOLDEN.
What did you tell him?
NANKERVIS.
Working on it. Put a call in around
noon. Neighbor’s tracking her down.
HOLDEN.
No. Don’t want to introduce her
into the mix while he’s got a gun.
Mindhunter Ep 1 Blue Working Draft 8/2/18 6.
NANKERVIS.
He’ll only talk to her.
HOLDEN.
She might be the reason he’s
feeling this way.
NANKERVIS.
I guess we won’t know until she
gets here.
HOLDEN eyes the UNIFORMED COPS listening in, looking to
NANKERVIS for guidance.
HOLDEN.
Has anybody pulled his medical
records? *
NANKERVIS.
No sir.
HOLDEN.
Anybody talked to his doctor?
Has he got a drug problem? Do we
know what drove him to this?
NANKERVIS.
He stole a shotgun. Robbed a corner
store. That’s what drove him.
They watch a police SQUAD CAR approach slowly, a frightened
woman in the back, her window down.
HOLDEN.
Okay. Let me talk to her.
HOLDEN goes over. She opens her door but he carefully shuts
it again.
HOLDEN. (CONT’D)
Hi, I’m Holden Ford from the FBI.
Don’t get out --
WIFE.
Sissy.
HOLDEN.
Do you understand the situation
here?
SISSY.
I guess...
Mindhunter Ep 1 Blue Working Draft 8/2/18 7.
HOLDEN.
How was he when you last saw him?
SISSY.
Calm but totally deluded.
HOLDEN.
What’s happening?
SISSY.
He lost his job. Hit the bottle. *
HOLDEN.
That’s rough.
SISSY.
I tried to get him sectioned on
Sunday but he took off.
HOLDEN.
Okay...
She looks at the SWAT team and MARSKMAN.
SISSY.
I don’t know what else he’s done.
HOLDEN.
Can we contact his doctor?
SISSY.
Won’t see his doctor. Doctor won’t
see him.
HOLDEN.
Well his doctor has to see him.
SISSY.
He wears out a new one every six
months. They’ve given up on him.
HOLDEN.
Sorry to hear it.
SISSY.
I threatened to leave him if he
didn’t get help.
HOLDEN.
You gave him an ultimatum?
SISSY.
I feel terrible.
Mindhunter Ep 1 Blue Working Draft 8/2/18 8.
NANKERVIS.
You think he’ll talk to you?
SISSY.
I don’t know.
HOLDEN.
Hold on --
NANKERVIS.
What?
HOLDEN.
Remember what I said? *
HOLDEN grits his teeth, impatient with NANKERVIS.
NANKERVIS.
You have to tell him you’re not
leaving him.
HOLDEN.
No, I don’t want him to see you
here.
NEGOTIATOR.
Just for now do you think you could
reassure him --
HOLDEN.
Excuse me...
SISSY.
I don’t know if I want to do that.
NANKERVIS.
Tell him you’re sorry, you were
upset, he’s not going into any
facility -- you just want him to
come home now.
SISSY (TO NEGOTIATOR.)
It’s more complicated than that.
HOLDEN.
Why?
SISSY.
He thinks he’s invisible.
HOLDEN.
To you?
Mindhunter Ep 1 Blue Working Draft 8/2/18 9.
SISSY.
To everybody.
NANKERVIS.
You need to tell him it’s okay,
you’re not leaving, he’s coming
home.
HOLDEN (TO NANKERVIS, POINTED.)
Hold on a minute...
NANKERVIS (TO HER.)
You think if we open up that door
you can talk to him face to face?
HOLDEN (TENSE, TO HIM.)
Okay you need to take a step back,
please, let me handle this. (TO
HER.) Sissy --
NANKERVIS.
Ma’am --
HOLDEN.
OK -- the Bureau’s guidelines are
clear on this --
NANKERVIS.
When a man is staring down the
barrel and thinks he’s about to die
the first person he asks for is his
wife.
HOLDEN.
Actually it’s his mother but I
don’t want her here either.
NANKERVIS.
I‘ve been twenty five years around
guns and gunmen. I’ve had more
blood on my shirt than you’ve had
TV dinners, kid.
HOLDEN just looks at him, “Kid?”
HOLDEN.
You’ve seen a lot of people shot,
is that what you’re telling me?
NANKERVIS.
More than I can count.
HOLDEN.
And you’re a “hostage negotiator?”
Mindhunter Ep 1 Blue Working Draft 8/2/18 10.
HOLDEN shuts the door of the car and SISSY acquiesces.
HOLDEN knocks on the roof of the car and signals for the
DRIVER to go.... The car drives away slowly.
HOLDEN looks around at the LOCAL REPORTERS and PRESS
PHOTOGRAPHERS.
HOLDEN. (TO NANKERVIS.) (CONT’D)
Who are these guys? You know them?
NANKERVIS.
Local press. You want to get rid of *
them as well?
HOLDEN.
Please. Get them all out of here.
And move those vehicles. Give us
some space.
NANKERVIS signals to the PRESS to scram.
NANKERVIS.
Hey you...
They reluctantly move away.
The SWAT team come fidget and look to HOLDEN for orders,
tense.
HOLDEN.
You too. You’re making me nervous.
Let’s just... baby steps... I don’t
need you... you’ll get somebody
hurt.
The SWAT TEAM retreat slightly.
HOLDEN. (CONT’D)
Cory? Everything okay in there?
No reply.
HOLDEN. (CONT’D)
You want to come out and talk to me
now?
No reply.
HOLDEN. (CONT’D)
I’m pretty sure I know how to work
this out.
Mindhunter Ep 1 Blue Working Draft 8/2/18 11.
Then the door slowly swings open, CORY comes out, still naked
with the shotgun dangling by his side -- a pathetic sight.
CORY.
Have -- have you got hold of my
wife yet?
HOLDEN.
Cory, she’s not here. OK? You need
to talk to me.
COREY.
Why should I talk to you?
HOLDEN.
Well because... it would be a shame
if you didn’t.
COREY.
“A shame” huh?
CORY regards HOLDEN searchingly, weighing it up, nodding to
himself.
Everybody else watches him, expectant.
Suddenly CORY puts the gun in his mouth and squeezes the
trigger.
We hear the BLAST and see just a few frames of the impact...
CUT TO:
Ratings
Scene 3 - Negotiation Gone Awry
3 INT. HOLDEN’S APARTMENT/QUANTICO - NIGHT 3
A bachelor pad, hardly any furniture, pictures of HOLDEN’S
lacrosse playing school days on display.
HOLDEN lets himself in, rain outside, he dumps his wallet and
keys, takes off his rain coat.
He goes to the fridge, takes out a pint of milk, drinks
almost all of it, staring into space, thinking.
He selects a TV DINNER from a stack of identical meals.
He places it in the OVEN, shuts the door.
4 INT. HOLDEN’S APARTMENT/BATHROOM - NIGHT 4
HOLDEN washes his face, takes off his tie, undoes his buttons
to take off shirt...
Mindhunter Ep 1 Blue Working Draft 8/2/18 12.
and notices a small BLOOD SPLATTER on the cuff of his shirt.
He examines the shirt more closely -- there is another tiny
BLOOD SPLATTER on the shirt front -- from tending to a
bloodied, dying CORY.
He stares at the blood a moment, then rips off his shirt,
bundles it up, shoves it in the basin, runs the cold tap to
wash the stain out, ignoring the food now...
Black screen.
TITLE: FBI National Training Academy, Quantico.
5 EXT. FBI TRAINING ACADEMY QUANTICO - DAY 5
HOLDEN walking between concrete buildings.
Male NEW AGENTS in their twenties, some wearing GLASSES, *
walking to classes in khaki trousers and blue polo shirts. *
A WOMAN passes by looking at a clipboard as she walks.
HOLDEN ignores it all, goes into a tall, imposing building.
6 INT. SHEPARD’S OFFICE/FBI TRAINING ACADEMY QUANTICO - DAY 6
HOLDEN waits outside an office in a waiting area. Copies of
TIME MAGAZINE and NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC as well as the FBI
inhouse magazine on a low table.
He looks at one TIME cover for January 1976 -- “WHO IS JIMMY
CARTER?”
He looks at another for May 1976 -- “JIMMY’S BREAKTHROUGH!”
A SECRETARY brings him a cup of coffee, he looks up, takes
the coffee.
HOLDEN.
Thanks. Thank you.
She goes and he just holds the coffee, not drinking it,
staring into space.
7 INT. SHEPARD’S OFFICE/FBI TRAINING ACADEMY QUANTICO - DAY 7
HOLDEN sits staring unhappily opposite his Unit Chief at *
National Training Academy, SHEPARD, square-jawed, bureaucrat
in his 50’s. *
SHEPARD.
You followed procedure. You did
your job.
Mindhunter Ep 1 Blue Working Draft 8/2/18 13.
HOLDEN.
He was frightened.
SHEPARD. *
You did everything by the book. *
HOLDEN. *
“Don’t call his wife?” *
SHEPARD.
He stuck a 12 gauge in somebody’s
face and robbed them. He was a bad
guy, Holden. Let it go.
HOLDEN.
Was he really “bad?” Or was it...
circumstances?
SHEPARD.
I read the report. He had a *
psychotic break. Explains *
everything. *
HOLDEN. *
Do we know why? *
SHEPARD. *
Not our job to know “why.” Don’t *
try to make sense of it. It’s his *
problem. *
HOLDEN. *
Maybe if I did know I could have *
done something. *
SHEPARD. *
It’s not something we have a lot of *
insight into, Holden. It’s not your *
field. *
HOLDEN.
He was on medication, but he kept *
stopping. His wife was the only one
making sure he took it. *
SHEPARD. *
How were you to know? *
HOLDEN. *
By calling his wife... *
Mindhunter Ep 1 Blue Working Draft 8/2/18 13A.
SHEPARD. *
You had enough on your hands. You *
did everything you could. Let it *
go. *
HOLDEN rubs his eyes, frustrated, sensing this is facetious.
HOLDEN.
I did everything by the book but *
sometimes you got to wonder --
SHEPARD.
What?
HOLDEN.
How good is the book?
SHEPARD. *
Okay, when we print up the new *
playbook in a couple of years we’ll *
amend the part about wives. *
HOLDEN. *
What else don’t we know? *
SHEPARD.
Holden, this place is pretty much
the benchmark for excellence in law
enforcement --
Mindhunter Ep 1 Blue Working Draft 8/2/18 14.
HOLDEN.
Is it still?
SHEPARD.
In the rest of the world, Hostage *
Negotiation is on its way out.
HOLDEN.
It is?
SHEPARD.
There was no hostage negotiation at
the Munich Olympics. You think the
Israelis bothered with negotiation
during the raid on Entebbe last
year?
HOLDEN. *
Then why am I still teaching it?
SHEPARD stares into space a moment, weighing up what to say.
SHEPARD.
Your courses are a big hit in the
summer. If anything you should be
teaching more, not less.
HOLDEN.
How can that be sensible?
SHEPARD gets up, goes to the window, tired of this.
SHEPARD.
I understand. A bad thing happened.
It hurts.
HOLDEN.
Are you putting me out to pasture?
Mindhunter Ep 1 Blue Working Draft 8/2/18 15.
SHEPARD.
No, I‘m putting you to work where
it really counts.
HOLDEN.
Despite what happened?
SHEPARD.
Because of what happened, Holden.
It “seasoned” you.
HOLDEN.
Thank you sir but I’d rather not.
SHEPARD.
Well...
(beat.)
This is awkward.
They stare at each other, weighing up the next move...
Ratings
Scene 4 - Negotiation Gone Awry
HOLDEN eating corn flakes, alone, in just his trousers,
preoccupied, staring into space...
He finishes, takes his bowl to the sink.
He polishes his shoes.
He runs a comb through his buzz cut, examining it in the
mirror -- brushing doesn’t make any difference to it.
He takes his freshly washed shirt down from a hanger and puts
it on, does up the buttons, examines the collar where the
rusty BLOOD stain is still apparent.
He quickly peels off the shirt and puts it in the bin.
He goes to his wardrobe and selects a fresh new shirt from
several identical fresh shirts on hangers.
He puts on the shirt, does it up neatly, puts on a tie,
buttons his top button, ties his tie, pins his name tag on. *
9 INT. LECTURE THEATRE/FBI TRAINING ACADEMY - DAY 9
HOLDEN is teaching “Hostage Negotiation” to his class of
about thirty NEW AGENTS who have notebooks and pens. *
HOLDEN.
... the fugitive killed a police
officer in Chicago and he’s just
gunned down an FBI agent...
Mindhunter Ep 1 Blue Working Draft 8/2/18 16.
He shows the first slide on a SLIDE PROJECTOR loaded with a
CAROUSEL of SLIDES: a TUDOR style suburban house, surrounded
by police cars.
HOLDEN. (CONT’D)
He takes two 380 rounds in the ass,
grabs a nine year old boy as
hostage and holes up in a suburban
home in a family neighborhood full
of women and small children...
He shows a mug shot of the wild-eyed fugitive.
HOLDEN. (CONT’D)
At this point it is incumbent upon
us to ask: what kind of destruction
is this hot-head capable of?
He shows a school photo of the BOY -- innocent in his
uniform.
HOLDEN. (CONT’D)
This is where we need to be
clairvoyant. Because when Chicago’s
Chief of Police arrives and starts
using a bullhorn to intimidate the
perpetrator -
HOLDEN changes the slides to show: A POLICE CAR riddled with
bullet holes.
HOLDEN. (CONT’D)
Who could predict?
HOLDEN shows:
A bloodied POLICE OFFICER on a gurney going to an ambulance.
Another being treated by PARAMEDICS.
The BULLET-RIDDEN CORPSE of the FUGITIVE in an unzipped body
bag.
A Special Agent with bloodied bandages around his head in a
hospital bed.
HOLDEN. (CONT’D)
... Don’t use a Bullhorn. Don’t let
him “speak to the chief.” Identify
him first and get somebody to pull
his medical records...
He watches the class writes notes in their notebooks.
Mindhunter Ep 1 Blue Working Draft 8/2/18 17.
HOLDEN. (CONT’D)
And if he wants to speak to his
wife you need to listen because she
may be the only one who know the
reason why he’s there in the first
place.
10 INT. CORRIDOR/FBI TRAINING ACADEMY QUANTICO - DAY 10
HOLDEN leaves his projector and notes and walks out of the
class, taking breaths of fresh air in the corridor, in need
of a break.
The door of the lecture theatre opposite is propped open and
HOLDEN notices another class in progress.
He hears the odd phrase:
INSTRUCTOR (O.O.V)
... Each one an extremely violent,
completely senseless homicide. No
explanation. No apparent reason for
it. No apparent motive.
HOLDEN stops, curious now, wanders over, stands in the
doorway.
HOLDEN’S POV: Another INSTRUCTOR with a SLIDE PROJECTOR and
CAROUSEL. On the slide projector, an image which draws him
in: the BLOOD SPATTERED FACE of a male gunshot victim,
swathed in white sheets on a gurney being led into hospital --
BOBBY VIOLANTE, the last man shot by “SON OF SAM” DAVID
BERKOWITZ.
WILSON.
They weren’t sexually assaulted;
there was no attempt to relieve
them of their valuables; they
didn’t know their assailant. They
weren’t “lust murders.”
The slides change: an unconscious, blood-stained woman on a
gurney, oxygen mask strapped to her face -- STACY MOSKOWITZ,
the last woman shot by BERKOWITZ, she died in hospital.
WILSON. (CONT’D)
All that we know about
investigating crime in the
twentieth century begins with
“motive, means, opportunity.”
Motive is everything, right? Why
did he do it? What did he want? Who
is this person?
(MORE)
Mindhunter Ep 1 Blue Working Draft 8/2/18 18.
WILSON. (CONT’D)
Motive gives it meaning. Now
suddenly there’s no motive. So it’s
meaningless. It’s a void. It’s a
black hole.
11 INT. CONFERENCE ROOM/FBI ACADEMY QUANTICO - DAY 11
HOLDEN comes in to watch: WILSON, a smooth-looking 40 year
old in a three piece blue suit is at a lectern with a
PROJECTOR, addressing a packed class passionately. A senior
homicide investigator, WILSON is more flamboyant than HOLDEN
and the other instructors.
WILSON.
Where do we start?
He is teaching a class of about sixty guys in their thirties
and forties -- considerably older than HOLDEN’s class -- a
master class symposium for INSTRUCTORS and SENIOR AGENTS.
WILSON (CONT’D.)
Maybe by saying: the perpetrator
was an “angry, aggressive
sociopath?” Which is wonderfully
insightful... but it still doesn’t
tell us why.
And now HOLDEN is gripped, taking a seat in the audience,
watching, unblinking.
WILSON.
I‘m talking about a killer who
killed again and again, took pride
in meticulously “hunting” people
for no reason other than pleasure.
My God. Is he a “monster?”
WILSON changes the slide to illustrate: an artist’s
impression of the rather ordinary-looking SUSPECT on the
front page of The NEW YORK POST with the headline “SON OF
SAM” in caps, “Police release new pictures” underneath.
HOLDEN and the class study the SLIDE closely.
WILSON. (CONT’D)
I don’t call them “monsters”
because I’m a behavioral scientist
and I know that he’s a human being.
I don’t use the term “evil” either.
That’s a theological term that has
zero scientific or legal value.
These people... are people.
Mindhunter Ep 1 Blue Working Draft 8/2/18 19.
HOLDEN shifts his gaze to WILSON, listening intently now, his
thoughts crystallizing.
Ratings
Scene 5 - Negotiation Gone Awry
Rain -- a parking lot full of dark colored Chevys and Fords.
HOLDEN in a macintosh with an attache case heads for his car.
In the bg other SPECIAL AGENTS dressed identical “uniform” go
to their cars.
He sees WILSON battling with keys and an umbrella and
carrying a CAROUSEL of slides.
HOLDEN.
Excuse me. Agent Wilson?
WILSON glances up as he goes to unlock his car, looks at
HOLDEN’s face.
HOLDEN. (CONT’D)
Holden Ford. Hostage Negotiation.
WILSON.
Peter... hi.
HOLDEN.
I sat in on your class today.
WILSON.
Oh.
They shake hands. WILSON shifts the carousel from one hand to
the other, unlocking his car.
WILSON. (CONT’D)
You just started here?
HOLDEN.
Just started full time. I was here
in the summer... and I was a street
agent a while.
WILSON.
It’s good to mix it up.
HOLDEN.
You want some help with...?
WILSON.
Sure.
HOLDEN helps him load stuff into the car.
Mindhunter Ep 1 Blue Working Draft 8/2/18 20.
HOLDEN.
I liked what you were saying about
“motiveless” homicide.
WILSON.
Seemed to liven things up a little,
didn’t it?
HOLDEN.
It freaked me out.
WILSON (SMILES.)
I like to kick things off with that
stuff, start of term, gets their
attention...
HOLDEN.
Depressing notion. It used to be so
simple.
WILSON
“Just the facts ma’am. Just tell me
what happened.”
HOLDEN.
Yeah I’m not a “just the facts”
guy...
WILSON.
That’s television, right?
HOLDEN.
It’s history.
WILSON.
Pre-history.
HOLDEN.
It got me thinking...
WILSON.
Well, thinking’s good. Good for
you.
HOLDEN watches WILSON get in his car.
WILSON slams the door, starts the engine -- notices HOLDEN
still standing there, bemused expression.
He winds down his window, looks at HOLDEN just standing
there.
WILSON. (CONT’D)
You’re wet. You want to get a beer?
Mindhunter Ep 1 Blue Working Draft 8/2/18 21.
Ratings
Scene 6 - Holden's Encounter at the Bar
A rowdy bar full of CO-EDS, GRAD STUDENTS, cigarette smoke
and posters on the walls, a GARAGE BAND playing under a large
brick archway.
Camera finds HOLDEN drinking at the bar with WILSON, in their
suits and ties, Windsor knots, shiny shoes -- conspicuous
amongst the scruffy crowd.
WILSON is holding forth, HOLDEN listening, both a little
drunk.
WILSON.
Tells the shrink a dog told him to
do it.
HOLDEN.
That’s a pathetic “motive.”
WILSON.
Yeah, I’m not saying there’s
literally no motive, I’m saying
it’s not a rational motive. We call
it “aberrant behavior” because it’s
unlike anything we’ve seen before.
We can’t predict it because it’s,
by nature, unpredictable. We can’t
classify it, because it’s
unclassifiable. It’s just somehow
“evolved.”
HOLDEN.
“Aberrant?”
WILSON.
This is the world we live in now.
This is the world Nixon bequeathed
us. All bets are off.
HOLDEN.
I totally agree.
WILSON.
Thirty years ago it was Bonnie and
Clyde. Next thing you know it’s
“Zodiac” and this “Son Of Sam.”
Crimes change.
HOLDEN.
What’s next?
WILSON.
Who the hell knows?
Mindhunter Ep 1 Blue Working Draft 8/2/18 22.
HOLDEN.
But we’re supposed to know, right?
WILSON.
That’s our big secret.
HOLDEN.
What?
WILSON.
That we don’t.
HOLDEN.
Jeez...
WILSON.
Look, we have to, somehow, “evolve”
--
HOLDEN.
How?
WILSON drains his beer.
WILSON.
I could tell you -- but I’d be
bullshitting.
With that he grins, slams the empty glass down on the bar and
stands.
WILSON. (CONT’D)
Okay. I gotta split.
They shake hands, WILSON goes and HOLDEN stares into space a
moment.
He notices a girl walk in with her friend - DEBBIE, 23,
wearing a short blue jumpsuit and ankle boots.
DEBBIE comes to the bar to order, standing right beside
HOLDEN. He looks her up and down and she notices, untroubled.
DEBBIE.
Hey.
HOLDEN.
Hey...
DEBBIE.
What are you looking at?
Mindhunter Ep 1 Blue Working Draft 8/2/18 23.
HOLDEN.
I just like your outfit. What is
that, a jumpsuit? What do you call
that?
DEBBIE.
This? I call it “a jumpsuit.”
HOLDEN.
Stylish.
DEBBIE.
What do you call that? (INDICATES
HIS SUIT.) You look like a mormon.
You look like my dad.
HOLDEN.
Is he a mormon?
DEBBIE.
No but he looks like one.
HOLDEN.
So does mine. He bought me this
suit as a matter of fact.
DEBBIE.
Did he buy you those nice shiny
shoes?
HOLDEN.
I have one brown pair and one black
pair. I also have sneakers but I
had to buy those myself.
DEBBIE.
What kind of adult let’s their *
parents choose their clothes for
them?
He just looks at her, doesn’t have an answer, she waits for
bar service.
HOLDEN (JOKING.) *
Are you coming onto me?
DEBBIE (JOKING.)
Sure, that’s my technique: “The
emasculating approach.” *
Mindhunter Ep 1 Blue Working Draft 8/2/18 24.
They smile a little awkwardly, neither sure where to go from
here.
HOLDEN drinks, DEBBIE doesn’t make eye contact, her friend
now busy talking to other STUDENTS.
HOLDEN.
Having a good time? *
DEBBIE.
It’s my birthday today. *
HOLDEN.
Happy birthday. How old are you? *
DEBBIE. *
Twenty four. *
HOLDEN. *
You don’t look old enough to be in *
here. *
She looks him up and down, finding him weird now. *
DEBBIE.
What are you a narc?
HOLDEN.
FBI actually. Special Agent Holden
Ford. Can you tell?
DEBBIE.
Everybody can tell. You got a gun?
HOLDEN.
I have one -- but I’m not going to *
show it to you. *
DEBBIE.
Oh nuts.
HOLDEN.
I’m more of a teacher. Right up the *
road at Quantico.
DEBBIE.
What do you teach? *
HOLDEN.
Hostage Negotiation, such as it is.
DEBBIE.
Holy cow.
Mindhunter Ep 1 Blue Working Draft 8/2/18 24A.
HOLDEN.
You really think I look like a
narc? *
He looks in the mirror behind the bar, shrugs. *
Mindhunter Ep 1 Blue Working Draft 8/2/18 25.
DEBBIE.
Are you kidding?
HOLDEN.
I don’t see it. What?
DEBBIE. *
You stick out like a sore thumb. *
HOLDEN focuses on a group of tough-looking AFRICAN AMERICAN *
GUYS playing pool, dressed like car mechanics. *
HOLDEN. *
What do you expect me to do, *
infiltrate the Black Panthers? *
DEBBIE. *
Those guys are not Black Panthers. *
They’re engineering students. Go *
talk to them. Get some black dudes *
in the FBI. *
HOLDEN. *
We have a black dude. In Maryland. *
DEBBIE. *
Just the one, huh? *
He drinks and tries to mind his own business for a minute. He *
notices DEBBIE’S FRIEND joining two other FRIENDS, staring at
him curiously.
HOLDEN. *
You’ve got the wrong idea about me. *
DEBBIE. *
Are you going to “book me?” *
HOLDEN.
If you want. *
DEBBIE.
Handcuffs?
He smiles uncertainly, she smirks, they drink. A BAND is
sitting up on a low stage under a brick archway on the other
side of the room.
She gets out a softpack of KENT cigarettes and lights one.
DEBBIE. (CONT’D)
I’m here to see this really cool
band from Detroit. You ever been to *
Detroit?
Mindhunter Ep 1 Blue Working Draft 8/2/18 25A.
HOLDEN.
I was a street agent there.
DEBBIE.
I can’t believe they’re here. Used
to play PJs in Corktown. You know
Corktown?
HOLDEN.
PJ’s?
DEBBIE.
Used to be a furniture store.
HOLDEN.
No, they always sold liquor. That
whole furniture thing was just a
front that started during *
prohibition.
She eyes him, intrigued now.
Mindhunter Ep 1 Blue Working Draft 8/2/18 26.
DEBBIE.
Where you really from?
HOLDEN.
Everywhere.
DEBBIE.
The midwest, right?
HOLDEN. *
I grew up in the midwest but I was
born in Brooklyn.
DEBBIE.
You don’t come across like a guy *
from New York.
HOLDEN.
You don’t go over like a girl from *
Corktown. Buy you a drink?
She shrugs.
He signals the BARTENDER who immediately drops what he’s
doing and fixes them a drink.
HOLDEN. (V.O. PRELAP) (CONT’D)
So you’re a co-ed?
CUT TO:
Ratings
Scene 7 - Bar Conversation
At a table nearer the stage, HOLDEN and DEBBIE talking, a
little drunker now, opening up.
DEBBIE.
Post grad.
HOLDEN.
What’s your thing?
DEBBIE.
I’m writing my thesis on Durkheim’s
Labelling Theory on Deviancy.
HOLDEN.
Wow.
HOLDEN considers it, glances back to the bar at WILSON -- but
WILSON is busy drinking and chatting.
Mindhunter Ep 1 Blue Working Draft 8/2/18 27.
DEBBIE.
You know who Durkheim is?
HOLDEN.
No. But I know what deviancy is.
DEBBIE.
You do, huh?
HOLDEN.
It’s an occupational hazard. *
DEBBIE.
Well... Durkheim says “all forms of
deviancy are simply a challenge to
the normalized repressiveness of
the state.”
HOLDEN.
So he was an anarchist, right? *
DEBBIE.
No. He was the first person to tell *
us that if there’s something wrong
with our society, then criminality
is a response to that.
HOLDEN.
Well, maybe one of the things wrong
with society is, y’know, all the
criminality.
DEBBIE.
I’m talking from a sociological
perspective. Whereas you’re talking
from the perspective of a Fed. *
HOLDEN.
I get that.
DEBBIE.
If you really are a teacher you
might need to think about that.
What is your educational *
perspective? Is it purely pedagogic
or purely Fed? *
Mindhunter Ep 1 Blue Working Draft 8/2/18 28.
HOLDEN. *
Boy, you’re hard work. That outfit
... (the jumpsuit) doesn’t indicate *
the half of it.
DEBBIE.
You thought I looked easy, right?
HOLDEN.
Easier than this.
DEBBIE.
You don’t like women disagreeing
with you? That’s unusual for a guy
in law enforcement.
He looks around a little helplessly, not sure whether he’s
enjoying this or not. *
DEBBIE. (CONT’D) *
My point is you teach about *
criminality but you never heard of *
Durkheim? *
HOLDEN. *
Why don’t you give me a “reading *
list?” *
DEBBIE. *
Come on... *
She leads him off to dance. *
Mindhunter Ep 1 Blue Working Draft 8/2/18 29.
*
CUT TO: *
15 INT. RICHMOND BAR - NIGHT 15
They stand watching the band, drinking, getting into the
music which is heavy, fun, STOOGES-like garage rock. They
dance a little -- she dances assuredly, he dances very
awkwardly.
DEBBIE. (DEAD PAN.)
Have I seen you on “Soul Train?” *
HOLDEN. *
You know, I used to go undercover. *
Vice rings. Drug gangs. The counter
culture...
DEBBIE.
You went “undercover” in “the
counter culture?” Did you *
infiltrate the Manson Family?
HOLDEN.
Would you just stop with this?
You’re relentless.
He stops dancing but she dances on, toying with him.
Mindhunter Ep 1 Blue Working Draft 8/2/18 30.
HOLDEN. (CONT’D) *
Can we just go someplace where we *
can talk? *
DEBBIE.
You know anywhere else?
HOLDEN. *
No. *
16 EXT. RICHMOND BAR - EARLY HOURS 16 *
Other students are hanging around laughing and smoking weed
as the BAND loads its gear into a station wagon.
HOLDEN and DEBBIE come out of the bar.
DEBBIE.
You want some pot?
HOLDEN.
Is that a trick question?
DEBBIE.
I’ve got some.
HOLDEN.
Are you serious? No. It’s
completely inappropriate.
DEBBIE.
Come on, it’s my birthday.
She produces car keys and goes over to an orange ‘67 VW Bug.
HOLDEN.
Jesus you’re not going to drink and
drive are you?
DEBBIE.
You’ve been plying me with booze
all night. Don’t you think that’s
kind of a mixed message?
He stops. She gets in the driver’s seat.
DEBBIE. (CONT’D)
You coming?
He follows gingerly, doors slam.
17 EXT. DEBBIE’S SHARE HOUSE - NIGHT 17
Mindhunter Ep 1 Blue Working Draft 8/2/18 31.
Ratings
Scene 8 - Intimate Conversation
Posters on the walls, Persian rugs on the floor, ethnic wall
hangings, soft lighting, incense burning.
On the coffee table is a bong and a bowl of buds.
DEBBIE brings over wine glasses and a wine bottle, opens the
wine etc as they talk.
HOLDEN is sitting on a couch staring at the bowl.
DEBBIE hands him a glass of wine and he drinks.
He watches her put on a record, “I Wonder” by Sixto
Rodriguez.
DEBBIE.
So what does a “street agent” in
Detroit get up to?
HOLDEN.
Mostly catch army deserters -- guys *
who’d gone AWOL from Vietnam and
were too frightened to go back. I *
mean they were young guys. Same age *
as me. *
DEBBIE.
That must’ve been hard. *
HOLDEN. *
Nice guys some of them. *
DEBBIE. *
Did it make you feel like a snitch? *
HOLDEN. *
There’s worse things than being a *
snitch. When I was in Pittsburgh -- *
(HE SUDDENLY STOPS, REFLECTS.) *
DEBBIE. *
What? *
HOLDEN. *
Huh? *
DEBBIE.
What happened in Pittsburgh? Did *
you shoot somebody? *
He doesn’t reply. She kicks off her boots, sits beside him
and packs the bong.
Mindhunter Ep 1 Blue Working Draft 8/2/18 31A.
DEBBIE. (CONT’D)
Maybe this’ll loosen you up...
HOLDEN.
You’re making me nervous...
DEBBIE.
You’re such a goody-goody...
She smiles sweetly. He looks at her legs. She crosses them.
HOLDEN.
What are you, some kind of honey
trap? I’ve been warned to watch out
for women like you.
Mindhunter Ep 1 Blue Working Draft 8/2/18 32.
DEBBIE.
You mean “normal ones?”
She uncrosses her legs, looks at him. *
DEBBIE. (CONT’D) *
Relax. You think I’m gonna “put *
out” before the first date? *
She offers him the bong. He hesitates, takes it a little
nervously, she lights it for him and he has a pull...
DEBBIE. (CONT’D)
Let’s just talk. *
No reply as he takes the bong. He fingers it awkwardly. *
DEBBIE. (CONT’D)
Here, I’ll show you... put your *
finger over the hole...
She takes the bong -- he watches her put his finger over the *
hole.
DEBBIE. (CONT’D)
Put your mouth over the other hole. *
He inhales. *
He suddenly coughs his guts up, looks ill. *
FADE OUT.
Ratings
Scene 9 - FBI Training and Academic Discussion
A trio of RECRUITS with clipboards and biros are gathered
around an INSTRUCTOR beside a double bed, behind partition
walls in a mock up of a MOTEL ROOM.
A female RECRUIT in glasses and twin set is sitting on the
bed holding a prop ICE PACK to her head, while somebody else
holds a tape measure between her head and the bed knob.
The INSTRUCTOR talks to them in the bg.
INSTRUCTOR 2.
... He says she hit her head on the
bed knob having consensual sexual
intercourse... she says he knocked
her out and dragged her into a
motel room to rape her. We know she
didn’t hit her head on that bed
knob because we’ve measured...
Mindhunter Ep 1 Blue Working Draft 8/2/18 32A.
HOLDEN and SHEPARD watch momentarily, then SHEPARD leads
HOLDEN away, talking.
Mindhunter Ep 1 Blue Working Draft 8/2/18 33.
SHEPARD.
... Where would you go?
HOLDEN.
University of Virginia in
Charlottesville. Post grad.
SHEPARD.
Holden this is your post grad.
HOLDEN.
Contemporary Applied Criminal
Psychology. Ratchet things up a
notch.
One of the RECRUITS demonstrates something by getting the
woman to stand up and then sit down again, moving her around
like a mannequin.
SHEPARD.
What is it you think you’re missing
out on?
HOLDEN.
We need to know the current
academic thinking --
SHEPARD.
You don’t want to rely on academics
Holden.
HOLDEN.
I’m not saying rely -- just get up
to date...
SHEPARD.
We just got up to date Holden. It’s
all in the library. 1972 everything
was new.
HOLDEN.
Five years ago. What’s the thinking
now?
SHEPARD.
OK look. There have been some fine
psychological studies over the
years, but these are people who
don’t understand the criminal mind.
They only understand their world,
which is a very small world. I’m
not going to candy coat it. They’re
naive, Holden.
Mindhunter Ep 1 Blue Working Draft 8/2/18 34.
HOLDEN.
Then we need to educate them.
SHEPARD.
I’m going to level with you, I’m
going to tell you something that I
don’t really want you to repeat: As
far as the Bureau is concerned,
psychology is for “back room
boys”... You understand what I’m
trying to say?
HOLDEN.
No. What is a “back room boy?”
SHEPARD.
It’s just frowned upon.
HOLDEN.
We should be using every resource
we can -- talking to the smartest
people we can find from the
broadest spectrum --
SHEPARD.
And we do.
HOLDEN.
People need to know they’re going
to really learn something here,
otherwise it’s just like joining
the military.
SHEPARD.
There’s nothing wrong with our
recruitment Holden. We recruited
Elvis.
HOLDEN.
So did the military.
SHEPARD.
Elvis doesn’t do it for you?
HOLDEN.
Hoover’s been dead four years and
we’re still recruiting lawyers and
accountants like it’s 1946.
SHEPARD.
Actually recruitment’s falling off
Holden. We can’t even get
accountants.
Mindhunter Ep 1 Blue Working Draft 8/2/18 35.
HOLDEN.
Then we’re in trouble.
SHEPARD eyes him a moment, weighing it.
SHEPARD.
Okay. You scratch my back and I
will recommend you for LEAA funding
for grad school -- but you’ll be
expected to use the opportunity for
recruitment there.
HOLDEN.
Are you sure you want me doing
that?
SHEPARD.
You’re smart, you’re idealistic, a
little damaged -- they’ll love you.
HOLDEN thinks about it, not sure what to say.
20 EXT. UNIVERSITY OF VIRGINIA - DAY 20
Establishing: The imposing lawns, doric columns, archways and
domes of America’s most preppy college.
21 EXT. PARKING LOT/UVA - DAY 21
HOLDEN rolls up in his car, parks, gets out, wearing his
brown suit, wing tips, shirt and tie.
He eyes the university grounds and various STUDENTS
apprehensively -- the outsider.
22 INT. UNIVERSITY OF VIRGINIA/LECTURE THEATRE - DAY 22
A class of about thirty coolly scruffy, long-haired generally
left wing students, some white, some black, some Asian.
Sitting at the centre is HOLDEN, surrounded by empty seats
because nobody will sit beside him.
TITLE: University of Virginia, Charlottesville. Three months
later.
A young, cool-looking LECTURER with a beard and leather
jacket addresses the class.
Mindhunter Ep 1 Blue Working Draft 8/2/18 36.
LECTURER.
... In 1872, Italian physician
Cesare Lombroso dragged us out of
the dark ages and launched the
scientific era in criminology by
differentiating five criminal
classes: born criminal, insane
criminal, criminal by passion,
habitual criminal and the
occasional criminal. In other
words, there are those who are born
that way and those who become that
way.
The class listens with rapt attention, many scribbling notes.
LECTURER. (CONT’D)
In 1965 there was another
breakthrough. A criminal psychology
research project at Bellevue
psychiatric hospital in New York
couched it like this: “Personality”
and “character,” far outweigh the
presence of psychotic or defective
diagnoses. In other words, by
extrapolation: Are criminals born
or are they formed?
HOLDEN stares, intent, writes notes furiously.
Ratings
Scene 10 - Recruitment and Dialogue
HOLDEN studying textbooks and writing notes into the night,
just a few STUDENTS dotted about doing the same.
He looks up and catches sight of the young LECTURER from his
class sat at a desk, staring at him suspiciously. He stares
back.
CUT TO:
HOLDEN sits down at the lecturer’s desk. The LECTURER cleans
his glasses.
HOLDEN.
Mind if I sit here?
LECTURER.
You’re sitting here now.
HOLDEN.
I wasn’t aware of that project at
Bellevue.
Mindhunter Ep 1 Blue Working Draft 8/2/18 37.
LECTURER.
Well you should be.
HOLDEN.
Where I come from criminals are
just “born” that way.
LECTURER.
Some people will never stop
believing that. It’s too easy.
HOLDEN.
It lets us off the hook?
LECTURER.
Well, essentially we’re a puritan
nation. We blame all our problems
on a minority of “bad apples.”
HOLDEN.
What’s your name again? I forgot.
Leon?
LECTURER.
Buchanan. Leo.
HOLDEN.
Holden. Holden Ford.
He offers a hand to shake but LEO declines.
LEO.
I know who you are. Everybody does.
HOLDEN.
Yeah I’ve noticed some of the looks
I’ve been getting.
LEO.
“Funny looks” isn’t a Federal
offence yet. They’re just curious.
HOLDEN.
I’m not here to “spy.” It’s not
some kind of “cover.”
LEO.
Good. That would have been a really
pathetic cover.
HOLDEN.
I’m an instructor. I’m here to *
learn and I’m also here to try and
talk to people like you.
Mindhunter Ep 1 Blue Working Draft 8/2/18 38.
LEO.
What do you want to talk about?
HOLDEN.
I want you to have a dialogue with
me. Is that okay?
LEO.
A dialogue about what?
HOLDEN.
I work as an instructor in the
Bureau’s recruitment and training
program out of Quantico. We need
people like you.
LEO.
Wait, you’re trying to recruit me?
HOLDEN.
Is that a problem?
LEO.
I understand perfectly.
LEO shuts his book and gets up.
HOLDEN.
You call yourself a professor of
criminal psychology but you won’t
talk to the educational arm of the
FBI?
LEO.
Sign of the times, man.
LEO smiles and walks away.
24 INT. UNIVERSITY OF VIRGINIA/CAFETERIA - DAY 24
HOLDEN and DEBBIE take lunch.
HOLDEN looks around at the other STUDENTS, a little paranoid.
Maybe one or two are staring back at him... but he’s wearing
a suit and tie so it’s not surprising.
HOLDEN just stares at his burger, not touching it,
preoccupied.
DEBBIE.
You’re not going to eat that?
Mindhunter Ep 1 Blue Working Draft 8/2/18 39.
HOLDEN.
Do these sad, fucking hippies
seriously believe they’re worthy of
an enormously costly, labour
intensive Federal surveillance
operation?
DEBBIE.
It sounds like the contempt is
mutual.
HOLDEN.
Don’t you think the traditional
counter culture/law enforcement
enmity is a little old hat by now?
DEBBIE.
It’ll never get old. They still *
can’t forgive you for putting a
tail on John and Yoko.
HOLDEN.
Frankly I’m surprised to have *
aroused such a degree of fucking
neurosis amongst apparently
intelligent people. Seriously,
they’re flattering themselves...
DEBBIE.
Hold on.
She plucks something protruding from his top pocket - long,
thin, polished steel like an antennae - a stainless steel
comb with a long thin handle.
DEBBIE. (CONT’D)
They think you’re wearing a wire.
He eyes the comb exasperated, she drops it into his cup of
Coke.
DEBBIE. (CONT’D)
There. You’re one of us now.
25 INT. MOVIE CINEMA - NIGHT 25
Sydney Lumet’s “DOG DAY AFTERNOON” up on the screen. *
HOLDEN and DEBBIE watching, HOLDEN is eating pop corn.
PACINO outside the bank, watching ARMED POLICE creeping
closer -- he turns on the POLICE NEGOTIATOR, CHARLES DURNING,
standing nearby.
Mindhunter Ep 1 Blue Working Draft 8/2/18 40.
PACINO.
What’s he doing?
DURNING (TO ARMED POLICE.)
Will you get back! I don’t know
what the fuck they were doing back
there!
PACINO.
Get back there man! He wants to
kill me so bad he can taste it.
PACINO advances on the ARMED POLICE waving a handkerchief. *
HOLDEN staring, unsmiling, handful of pop corn frozen halfway *
to his mouth. *
PACINO. (O.O.V) (CONT’D) *
Attica! Attica! Attica! Attica! *
Attica! Attica! *
*
CUT TO:
CHRIS SARANDON, in despair, talking to CHARLES DURNING.
SARANDON.
... I was so confused I was doing
insane things.
DURNING.
What sort of things Leon?
SARANDON.
After the wedding I ran off for ten
days to Atlantic City. Sonny was
frantic. He didn’t know where I
was, who I was with. Well I
couldn’t explain the things I did.
So I went to a psychiatrist... who
told me... that I was a woman
trapped inside a man’s body.
Mindhunter Ep 1 Blue Working Draft 8/2/18 41.
HOLDEN watches, moved. *
Ratings
Scene 11 - Flirtatious Conversation and Intimacy
Other CINEMA-GOERS come out, chatting animatedly.
DEBBIE and HOLDEN come out and say nothing for a moment.
HOLDEN.
So they were both homosexuals? But
he was married? And his boyfriend *
wanted to become a woman, which is
confusing...
DEBBIE.
You really need to get out more
Holden.
HOLDEN.
So mixed up...
Mindhunter Ep 1 Blue Working Draft 8/2/18 42.
DEBBIE.
You didn’t like it?
HOLDEN.
No, I liked it. It was sad. He’s a
nut. But somehow I like him...
DEBBIE.
Yeah, you have empathy...
HOLDEN.
“Empathy,” right...
They walk to the car...
HOLDEN. (CONT’D)
I really liked the dialogue. It was *
very... real. When I first started
at the Academy they used to send
the women out of the room if there
was to be any of that kind of talk.
They called it “deviant
terminology.” We had a list of
words we had to memorize.
She just looks at him.
DEBBIE.
Which words are you talking about?
HOLDEN.
You know, “fuck,” “shit,”
“pussy...”
(beat.)
“Blow job.”
They get in the car. *
CUT TO:
27 INT. DEBBIE’S BEDROOM/SHARED HOUSE - EVENING 27
HOLDEN and DEBBIE fucking exuberantly.
DEBBIE.
Oh fuck... yeah... oh shit...
finger my pussy... yeah that’s *
good... You want a blowjob? I’ll
give you a blowjob...
HOLDEN. *
Okay. *
Mindhunter Ep 1 Blue Working Draft 8/2/18 42A.
*
She smirks. *
Mindhunter Ep 1 Blue Working Draft 8/2/18 43.
HOLDEN’s face, disbelief, excitement.
CUT TO:
28 INT. DEBBIE’S BEDROOM - NIGHT 28
HOLDEN and DEBBIE side by side in bed, post coitel, it’s hard
to tell how much they enjoyed it. She looks at him but he
doesn’t look at her.
DEBBIE.
Don’t be embarrassed.
HOLDEN.
Did you orgasm?
DEBBIE.
Did I “orgasm?” What? I don’t *
believe you’re from New York...
HOLDEN.
You could be faking, right?
DEBBIE.
You can’t tell if a woman is *
faking?
HOLDEN.
I can’t even tell if a woman is
interested.
DEBBIE.
But you can tell if somebody’s
lying -- like a suspect?
HOLDEN.
Every time.
DEBBIE.
So pretend I’m a suspect.
He just looks at her, cogs whirring.
HOLDEN.
You mean like role play?
DEBBIE.
“Role play?”
HOLDEN.
We do it in social psychology.
Mindhunter Ep 1 Blue Working Draft 8/2/18 44.
DEBBIE.
I meant, use your powers of
deduction. How can you figure out
the criminal mind if you can’t even
figure out your girlfriend?
HOLDEN.
Are you my girlfriend? *
DEBBIE.
Wait. Is this another of those *
things you just can’t tell?
HOLDEN.
I don’t know... are you?
DEBBIE.
Sure I am. What do you need, an *
exchange of rings over a milkshake? *
He looks blank.
HOLDEN.
I don’t want to presume anything.
DEBBIE.
You really have a lot of gaps in
your knowledge. You’re like a monk. *
Surely people in law enforcement *
shouldn’t be so naive. It seems
wrong.
HOLDEN.
Does it make you uncomfortable
sleeping with a Federal agent?
DEBBIE.
Where did that come from?
HOLDEN.
Does it turn you on?
Mindhunter Ep 1 Blue Working Draft 8/2/18 45.
DEBBIE.
Oh, Holden... I like you, I really
do... I just use my brain in a
different way than you.
She studies him a moment.
HOLDEN.
It sounds complicated.
DEBBIE.
What’s wrong with complicated?”
Pause - they’ve run out of things to say.
Ratings
Scene 12 - Hostage Negotiation Training
HOLDEN is showing his class “DOG DAY AFTERNOON” on a 16 mm
REEL TO REEL PORTABLE FILM PROJECTOR.
The class watches the film in silence, earnestly studying the
screen as if it were a petri dish in a lab. Some take notes
as: *
CHARLES DURNING waits as AL PACINO carefully pokes out from *
the bank with a female TELLER.
DURNING.
Come on out. Now take a look at
this. Come on. Here look. Look up
here. Look over here... huh?
PACINO looks at the SNIPERS and ARMED SWAT POLICE with their
guns trained on him.
HOLDEN’S class watch, riveted -- PACINO’s great round eyes --
all that fear and trepidation -- demanding empathy.
Mindhunter Ep 1 Blue Working Draft 8/2/18 46.
HOLDEN stops the film to lecture the class, pointing at the *
frozen images with a pen.
HOLDEN.
Okay so what are they doing wrong
here?
SULLIVAN. *
They’re making him mad.
HOLDEN.
They’re making him scared.
SULLIVAN. *
So?
HOLDEN.
We don’t want him scared we want *
him calm. *
He speeds up the film and shows them a later part, watching
his class closely:
DURNING is tending to a bleeding PACINO, who has just been
jumped by somebody from the crowd.
DURNING. *
... Let me call them and see what *
they say. I’ll talk to them and
I’ll ask them. Now, is there
anything else I can give you?
PACINO weighs it up, reluctant.
PACINO.
Yeah, I want you to bring my wife
down here.
Mindhunter Ep 1 Blue Working Draft 8/2/18 47.
HOLDEN stops the film: *
HOLDEN. *
The man is robbing a bank to pay
for a sex change for his boyfriend -
- he wants a helicopter with a
piano -- but more than anything he
wants his wife.
The class mutters, bewildered but trying, nodding, intrigued,
engaged.
HOLDEN. (CONT’D)
Complicated, right? Always expect
“complicated.”
He smiles, the class murmurs, dawning agreement.
30 INT. ACTIVITY ROOM/FBI TRAINING ACADEMY - DAY 30
HOLDEN with his class divided in half, one half of the class
is standing lined up facing the other half, like line
dancing, holding replica pistols.
HOLDEN.
... Think of an opening salvo then
think where this could lead. Use
your imagination. See where it
takes you.
Grunts and nods from the young agents.
HOLDEN. (CONT’D)
Go ahead. Give it a try.
The first pair on the line start, two young white trainee
agents, MIKE and MARK.
MIKE has another TRAINEE in a headlock, his “hostage,” and is
pointing a replica pistol at him.
Mindhunter Ep 1 Blue Working Draft 8/2/18 48.
MARK.
“Put the gun down Mike.”
MIKE.
“Kiss my black ass, Mark!”
MARK.
What?
MIKE.
I’m negro.
MARK immediately looks stymied, he licks his lips, grits his
teeth, no idea what to say next.
SHEPARD appears in the bg, watching.
HOLDEN.
Keep it going. Whatever comes into
your head.
MARK.
“Fuck you!”
MIKE.
“No fuck you, motherfucker!”
HOLDEN.
Wait a minute. What is that?
MARK.
Street talk.
HOLDEN.
Nobody says that. In real life
people just press their demands.
Simultaneous: Two more agents, CHRIS and STEVE. CHRIS also
has a replica pistol and a “hostage.”
CHRIS.
“Put the gun down Steve. We’ve
brought your children to see you.”
STEVE.
“I don’t have custody of my
children!”
STEVE puts the “gun” to his own head. CHRIS looks blank.
HOLDEN.
Never talk to a divorced man about *
his kids. Try a different tact. *
Mindhunter Ep 1 Blue Working Draft 8/2/18 49.
Meanwhile, MARK and MIKE develop their argument:
MARK.
“Put the fucking gun down!”
MIKE.
“Whyn’t you make me, you faggot? *
MARK shoves MIKE.
MARK.
I’m not a “faggot,” you dumb *
nigger! *
MIKE shoves back, the situation degenerates.
HOLDEN intervenes:
HOLDEN.
Okay, okay, wait, uh, “nigger” *
might be construed as pejorative *
... *
The other trainees improvise various hostage negotiation
situations -- one of the class, SULLIVAN, raises his hand.
SULLIVAN.
Excuse me. What is the point of
this?
HOLDEN.
Psychologically preparing you for
reality -- and the reality is you
need to talk to them. Somebody
demands the impossible, you can’t
just shoot him.
SULLIVAN.
Then why do we have firearms
training?
HOLDEN.
Because that’s a tactical response
for when all else fails.
SULLIVAN.
But if local law enforcement can’t
shut it down then it has required a
tactical response.
HOLDEN.
Okay, but wouldn’t you like to try
something different? Or would you
rather use firearms all the time?
Mindhunter Ep 1 Blue Working Draft 8/2/18 50.
SULLIVAN.
I’d rather use firearms.
HOLDEN.
Why?
SULLIVAN.
Seems safer.
SHEPARD just watches, impassive.
Ratings
Scene 13 - Training and Recruitment
As the classes files out, SHEPARD waits for HOLDEN.
As he joins him:
SHEPARD.
Holden. I enjoyed that immensely.
What do you call that?
HOLDEN.
It’s just “role playing.”
In a simulated hostage situation.
SHEPARD.
“Stimulated?”
HOLDEN.
“Simulated.”
SHEPARD.
All that profanity -- is that an
academic thing?
HOLDEN.
They’re improvising. They’re
learning to create a dialogue.
SHEPARD.
How is all that cussing “creating a
dialogue?”
HOLDEN.
It’s not really about the
cussing...
SHEPARD.
I’m sure it’s quite modern and
fashionable in academic circles but
it just seems theatrical to me.
HOLDEN blinks, chastened.
Mindhunter Ep 1 Blue Working Draft 8/2/18 51.
HOLDEN.
Well in Criminal Psych, role
playing exercises are considered a
valuable tool, with or without
cussing.
SHEPARD.
I think we have enough exercises
here at the Academy. If you’re
going to start implementing new
ones you need to talk to somebody
in the Behavioral Science Unit. *
HOLDEN.
You think they can help? *
SHEPARD. *
They can go over the psychology *
with you. That’s their thing. *
HOLDEN. *
OK... good idea... *
SHEPARD. *
Why don’t I set that up for you?
HOLDEN.
Okay, thank you, yes.
SHEPARD smiles a little mechanically and walks off.
HOLDEN watches him go...
(PRE-LAP) GUN SHOTS.
32 EXT. FBI TRAINING ACADEMY QUANTICO - DAY 32
More gunfire... POP POP POP...
HOLDEN listens as he walks past a SHOOTING RANGE. He stops a
moment to watch the NEW AGENTS energetically shooting at *
targets, some CROUCHING, some standing. They shoot a lot of
rounds with hand guns.
Proximity to GUN SHOTS still makes HOLDEN flinch.
Ratings
Scene 14 - Recruitment and Connection
Dozens of NEW AGENTS with trays of food, eating or getting *
food.
HOLDEN sits slowly eating a sandwich, preoccupied with the
argument, he puts it down, no appetite.
Mindhunter Ep 1 Blue Working Draft 8/2/18 51A.
Some trainees file past Holden and greet him, one pats him on
the back, the class has made him popular.
Somebody comes and sits opposite with a tray: a quiet,
serious-looking agent of about 40, BILL TENCH.
Mindhunter Ep 1 Blue Working Draft 8/2/18 52.
BILL just has a cup of black coffee on the tray, which he
pours several sachets of sugar into -- he smiles at HOLDEN.
TENCH.
Holden, right? Holden Ford?
HOLDEN.
Hi.
TENCH.
Bill Tench. Behavioral Science.
HOLDEN.
Oh. Great to meet you.
HOLDEN stands to greet him, eager. They shake hands
TENCH.
You met Peter Wilson?
HOLDEN.
Interesting guy. I liked what he
said.
TENCH.
You did huh? Can I sit?
HOLDEN.
Please.
TENCH sits, puts his tray down and lights a cigarette --
HOLDEN eyes the smoke apprehensively.
TENCH.
Smoke?
HOLDEN.
I don’t smoke when I eat.
TENCH.
You want to go outside?
HOLDEN.
I don’t smoke when I don’t eat
either.
TENCH crushes out his cigarette in a cup and saucer, but it
continues to smoke.
HOLDEN. (CONT’D)
Did Shepard talk to you about my
thing?
Mindhunter Ep 1 Blue Working Draft 8/2/18 53.
TENCH.
He did his best.
HOLDEN.
What does that mean?
TENCH.
He can be pretty old school. I call *
this place “The Country Club” *
because, you know, it’s a little *
starchy sometimes. *
HOLDEN.
I hear that. *
TENCH.
You went back to college, right?
HOLDEN.
University of Virginia.
TENCH.
How old are you, twenty six, twenty
seven?
HOLDEN.
Twenty nine.
TENCH.
That’s interesting. A lot of guys
your age don’t want to go back to
school because they feel it
undermines their authority.
HOLDEN.
I’m hoping it’ll give me authority.
TENCH.
He‘s got you doing recruitment,
right?
HOLDEN.
Well I’m there, so I might as well
make myself useful...
TENCH.
Most guys don’t like to get stuck
in recruitment -- they’re busy
working their way upwards.
HOLDEN.
Yeah, I’m working my way
sideways...
Mindhunter Ep 1 Blue Working Draft 8/2/18 53A.
TENCH.
You’re what they call a “blue
flamer.” You know what that is?
Mindhunter Ep 1 Blue Working Draft 8/2/18 54.
HOLDEN.
No I’ve never heard of that...
TENCH.
You’re so eager to do good you have
a big blue flame shooting out of
your asshole.
HOLDEN.
Oh. Is that bad? *
TENCH.
No, just -- slow down. You’ll get
there in the end.
HOLDEN doesn’t know what to say to that:
HOLDEN.
... I’m just trying to be a better
instructor... *
TENCH.
Right. Well I was thinking about
that. If you really want to know *
what people want to learn, I have *
an idea. I started this thing a *
couple of years ago. I go out on
the road and give classes in *
various police departments from *
Buffalo New York to Sacramento
California, there’s a million cops
out there who want to know what we
know. I go to them, give them a *
distillation of the stuff we teach *
here, they tell me what they’ve
been doing: They learn something, I
learn something by getting involved *
on a local level. It’s a great way *
to get away from the “Country *
Club.” But it’s a big job, you *
know? I’m up to neck in local law *
enforcement. *
HOLDEN.
You want help with that? *
TENCH.
Maybe we can help each other.
34 EXT. IOWA/PRAIRIE/BACK ROADS - DAY 34
TENCH smoking and driving, his tie loosened, he’s sweating,
exhausted from the fourteen hour drive -- they’re in the
middle of nowhere, through rolling farmland, cornfields.
Mindhunter Ep 1 Blue Working Draft 8/2/18 54A.
HOLDEN riding shotgun, fresher than TENCH, his tie still done
up neatly.
Mindhunter Ep 1 Blue Working Draft 8/2/18 55.
Piled onto the back seat of the car are their teaching aids -
a projector, carousels of slides, a screen, books and
mimeograph pages in boxes.
Ratings
Scene 15 - FBI Training Session in Fairfield
The car parked up, TENCH watches us HOLDEN lifts the heavy
slide projector. TENCH balances carousels of slides on top.
TENCH retrieves a handful of mimeographs from the back seat --
that’s all he’s carrying.
TITLE: Fairfield Police Department, Iowa. *
They eye a few LOCAL PRESS MEN hanging around with notebooks
and cameras, waiting.
TENCH.
Today might be a baptism of fire. I *
think the class is going to be a *
little on edge after what
happened... but just follow my *
lead. *
HOLDEN.
What happened?”
TENCH.
They just caught a big case so *
they’re spooked. Don’t talk to the
reporters and don’t for God’s sake
say we’re from the FBI.
HOLDEN.
Sure. I got it.
TENCH. *
You can come back for the rest. *
A REPORTER approaches TENCH.
REPORTER 1. *
Excuse me gentlemen. I’m from the
Fairfield Daily Chronicle. You
gentlemen are from the FBI, right?
TENCH and HOLDEN say nothing, busy unloading.
REPORTER 2. *
How are things going with the
Jeffrey case?
Mindhunter Ep 1 Blue Working Draft 8/2/18 56.
TENCH.
I have no idea what you are talking
about.
REPORTER 2. *
The Jeffrey case. Mary Jeffrey. The *
woman they found on the steps of
the Methodist church.
HOLDEN.
We’re here for something else. *
REPORTER 1. *
The woman with the little boy --
TENCH.
We’re instructors. *
The REPORTER goes and another REPORTER approaches, from a
different direction.
REPORTER 2.
Are you from the Methodist church?
TENCH.
Do we look like we’re from the
Methodist church?
REPORTER 1. *
Yes.
TENCH.
Make a hole. *
A POLICE CAPTAIN comes out, TENCH and HOLDEN join him and
shake hands etc.
36 INT. FAIRFIELD/LOCAL POLICE DEPARTMENT - DAY 36
TENCH and HOLDEN in front of the class of local POLICE
OFFICERS and DETECTIVES - about 20 in uniform and plain
clothes, aged from twenties to fifty. *
TENCH is lecturing with evangelical fervor, HOLDEN writing on
a blackboard.
TENCH.
... It used to be about finding
“the murder weapon.” “The witness.”
“The alibi.” In the nineteen
seventies it’s about behavior.
(MORE)
Mindhunter Ep 1 Blue Working Draft 8/2/18 57.
TENCH. (CONT'D)
Psychology. If you can piece
together what’s happened, if you
can figure out how and why then
maybe you can figure out who.
HOLDEN writes on the blackboard: WHY + HOW = WHO
TENCH. (CONT’D)
Who did it? Who is he? Who is she?
“Who” is the hard part.
HOLDEN steps forward, nervous, addressing the class for the
first time.
HOLDEN.
When I instruct hostage *
negotiation, I say you have to know
who you are talking to in order to
know what he is liable to do. *
TENCH.
Right. In a homicide situation it’s
the same principal. You have to
know who your victim is in order to
discover who your killer is.
What was their background? What was
their psychology?
Context is everything.
The POLICE OFFICERS stare, concentrating, uncertain. *
TENCH. (CONT’D)
Analyse the crime. What exactly did
the killer do? How did he do it?
Which might get us to Why did he do
it? It follows that Who Did It is
not far behind.
HOLDEN writes on the blackboard: WHO + WHY = CONVICTION
TENCH. (CONT’D)
So. What’s the first thing we learn
to look for when a crime is
committed?
A YOUNG COP puts up his hand. *
YOUNG POLICE OFFICER 1. *
You have to find the motive?
Mindhunter Ep 1 Blue Working Draft 8/2/18 58.
TENCH.
What is the motive? Or, as we say
in the Behavioral Science Unit,
“What in God’s name was going
through his mind? My God, is he
insane?” Motive is mysterious. And *
if the killer doesn’t know why he
did it, how the hell are we
supposed to?
HOLDEN writes on the blackboard: MOTIVE = X
TENCH. (CONT’D)
Here’s the problem: You may never
understand the motive.
HOLDEN writes on the blackboard: X = UNKNOWN
An OLDER DETECTIVE of about fifty is watching this double
act, askance.
TENCH. (CONT’D)
Holden?
HOLDEN clears his throat to address the class, somewhat
formally, trying to sound authoritative.
TENCH encourages him forward.
HOLDEN.
Who? Why? How? These are the
questions asked by poets and *
philosophers and theologians,
social workers and judges since
time immemorial. The questions *
asked by by Dostoyevsky and Freud. *
The stuff of “Crime and Punishment” *
and “Beyond the Pleasure *
Principal...” *
The CLASS all exchange looks, bemused. *
TENCH is not keen on waxing lyrical -- he smiles tolerantly
and keeps a wary eye on HOLDEN.
HOLDEN. (CONT’D)
In fact they comprise the central
issue of what we call, for want of
a better phrase, the human
condition. And the simple truth
about humanity is: it’s
unfathomable.
(MORE)
Mindhunter Ep 1 Blue Working Draft 8/2/18 59.
HOLDEN. (CONT’D)
And if it weren’t, well,
Dostoyevsky would have had nothing
to write about.
Most of the assembled COPS look utterly blank now, skeptical,
not responding at all anymore. Holden’s lost them.
TENCH.
Thank you Holden. That was very...
illuminating...
The OLDER DETECTIVE smirks, shaking his head.
CUT TO:
Ratings
Scene 16 - Teaching at Fairfield Police Department
VARIOUS YOUNG LOCAL POLICE OFFICERS talking to HOLDEN and
TENCH after class, wanting to ask questions. Some have paper
cups of coffee, tea, cookies...
The OLDER DETECTIVE is lurking in the background chain
smoking.
LOCAL POLICE OFFICER 1. *
... For me, the stuff about Why and
How equalling Who makes a lot of
common sense. But the other stuff
about “Dostoyevsky” just seems to
be over complicating...
Murmurs and grunts of agreement.
LOCAL POLICE OFFICER 1. (CONT’D) *
It’s kinda lofty.
YOUNG POLICE OFFICER 2.
I think you overestimate the
importance of “motive.” A guy
steals a refrigerator - what’s the
“motive?” He’s a thief. Go catch
him.
HOLDEN.
Yes but if he came back and stole
your wife’s panties off the washing
line you’d want to know more about
him, right?
Laughter amongst the young cops.
YOUNG POLICE OFFICER 3. *
If he stole my wife’s panties I’d
be amazed...
Mindhunter Ep 1 Blue Working Draft 8/2/18 60.
TENCH.
Okay - the point is supposing he
gets such a kick out of it that *
next time he wants to go further *
and try something worse. *
YOUNG POLICE OFFICER.
What could be worse? *
YOUNG POLICE OFFICER 2.
Her brassiere.
YOUNG POLICE OFFICER 3.
Her shoes and a toaster.
General hilarity. HOLDEN and TENCH sense they’re losing them.
The OLDER DETECTIVE just snorts with derision.
OLDER DETECTIVE.
“Why plus How equals Who? What plus
Who equals Where? Why minus When
Equals Zero.”
He gets up to go.
OLDER DETECTIVE. (CONT’D)
Zero.
He goes, everybody quiet.
38 EXT. FAIRFIELD MOTEL/POOL - EVENING 38
HOLDEN and TENCH slumped despondent on plastic loungers
outside their motel room, overlooking a swimming pool, tired,
wan, drinking too much beer.
Cars hiss by on the highway.
HOLDEN. *
They don’t want to learn -- what
are they doing here?
TENCH.
Just don’t make it too complicated.
Mindhunter Ep 1 Blue Working Draft 8/2/18 61.
HOLDEN.
“What’s wrong with complicated?”
TENCH.
There’s complicated and there’s
“too complicated,” Holden.
HOLDEN.
We used to do this experiment in
college, in social psychology...
TENCH hands him another beer, opens one for himself.
TENCH.
Uh-huh, what is that?
HOLDEN.
You get into a crowded elevator and
if you face the opposite direction -
- the back of the elevator -- it
freaks everyone out. It makes them
uncomfortable for no reason they
can articulate. But if you turn
around and face front, everybody
relaxes and gets behind you.
TENCH.
How do we do that?
HOLDEN.
We know what we can’t agree upon.
What can we all agree on?
What do we have in common?
What keeps us awake at night?
What unites us?
Ratings
Scene 17 - Teaching at Fairfield Police Department
On the slide projector appears an image of CHARLES MANSON,
staring crazily.
The class respond, muttering, commenting now - one or two
calling out and throwing paper missiles at the screen - this
is something they’re ALL interested in.
Only the OLDER DETECTIVE is shaking his head and muttering.
Mindhunter Ep 1 Blue Working Draft 8/2/18 62.
HOLDEN.
... When he was ten years old, his
jailbird prostitute mother palmed
young Charles off onto his sadistic
Bible-bashing uncle who beat him
and taunted him to “act like a
man.” Young Charles tried
everything from pimping to armed
robbery and spent his young adult
life in increasingly tough high
security institutions until he was
paroled in 1967, during the summer
of love - and our nightmare began.
What does this tell us about the
desperate crimes of Charles Manson?
The class titters and mutters, not buying this.
HOLDEN changes the slide - a picture of MANSON as a YOUNG *
INNOCENT CHILD.
HOLDEN. (CONT’D)
Here we have a young man who was
unwanted, unloved, regularly beaten
and serially institutionalized.
Might this have had some sort of an
effect on him?
The class looks blank or silently grin, baffled by this line.
YOUNG POLICE OFFICER. *
He was “born bad.” *
A few grunts of assent now from the class.
YOUNG POLICE OFFICER 2. *
Born evil.
HOLDEN.
But really what does that mean? Can
we be more specific? He didn’t pick
up a knife. Technically he didn’t
“kill” anybody...
TENCH cuts his eyes at HOLDEN, trying to shut him up.
YOUNG POLICE OFFICER.
He was cold-blooded, man. Bad to
the bone.
YOUNG POLICE OFFICER 2.
There’s your motive right there.
Pure evil.
Mindhunter Ep 1 Blue Working Draft 8/2/18 63.
HOLDEN.
Sure, that’s the Old Testament
theory but... just look at his
background. How could we not have
seen this coming?
OLDER DETECTIVE.
We did.
HOLDEN.
I’m sorry?
OLDER DETECTIVE.
He was institutionalized when he
was a boy because we could see it
coming.
Everybody looks at the OLDER DETECTIVE, expectant. HOLDEN is
floored momentarily - TENCH shoots him a look, “nice try.”
HOLDEN.
Okay, but -- I’m saying maybe, just
maybe locking him up all his young
life helped make him what he was?
YOUNG POLICE OFFICER
Whaaaat?
OLDER DETECTIVE.
No.
YOUNG POLICE OFFICER 2.
What the fuck?
OLDER DETECTIVE.
They locked him up because they
already knew what he was.
HOLDEN.
Well, I happen to think there’s a
flaw in that kind of thinking --
The OLDER DETECTIVE gets to his feet.
OLDER DETECTIVE.
Oh you do, huh?
Everybody turns to look at HOLDEN. TENCH is looking
increasingly nervous now, trying to contain the situation.
TENCH.
I think what Holden is trying to
say is, maybe it’s both.
(MORE)
Mindhunter Ep 1 Blue Working Draft 8/2/18 64.
TENCH. (CONT'D)
The one impacting on the other. In
a vicious circle.
OLDER DETECTIVE.
No. It’s one or the other.
HOLDEN.
Don’t you think it’s an interesting
conundrum to at least consider?
OLDER DETECTIVE.
I think it’s a stupid conundrum. *
The only vicious circle is the *
slaughter of the Tate La Bianca *
victims. *
The YOUNG COPS tend to nod or GRUNT agreement with the OLDER
DETECTIVE.
TENCH steps in front of HOLDEN to silence him.
HOLDEN.
We’re not saying we have all the
answers. When it comes to certain
things nobody has the answers...
TENCH gives HOLDEN a “shut the fuck up now” look.
TENCH.
We have some answers...
HOLDEN.
Really we’re interested in the
questions.
OLDER DETECTIVE (ON HOLDEN.)
No shit. I’ll tell my buddies in
the LAPD who were there when the *
corpses were found, they’ll be
ashamed of themselves. *
TENCH and HOLDEN exchange glances.
HOLDEN.
You were LAPD?
OLDER DETECTIVE.
I was, for twenty two years.
HOLDEN.
You worked Manson? *
Mindhunter Ep 1 Blue Working Draft 8/2/18 65.
OLDER DETECTIVE.
Sure did. How many homicides have
you worked you dumbshit? *
Ratings
Scene 18 - Teaching at Fairfield Police Department
HOLDEN and TENCH drinking coffee in a booth, tense, tired,
wan.
TENCH.
You didn’t tell me you were going *
to talk about unwanted unloved *
little boy Charles. *
HOLDEN. *
It just popped out. *
TENCH. *
It’s an emotive issue. They don’t *
want to confront it. *
HOLDEN.
Don’t want to or don’t know how to?
TENCH.
We’re talking about the slaughter *
of a woman, the removal of a foetus *
from her womb... You need to find *
a way of talking about it that *
doesn’t make them crazy. *
The door swings open and the OLDER DETECTIVE from class walks *
in. He looks for HOLDEN and TENCH.
HOLDEN.
Ah shit.
TENCH.
It’s okay, they always do this. You
just have to be a good listener.
The OLDER DETECTIVE comes over.
OLDER DETECTIVE.
Gentleman, mind if I sit?
TENCH.
Go right ahead.
The OLDER DETECTIVE shows them his ID - DETECTIVE FRANK
MCGRAW.
Mindhunter Ep 1 Blue Working Draft 8/2/18 66.
MCGRAW.
Frank McGraw. I’m sorry if I came
on kinda strong back there. I’m
sure you meant well.
HOLDEN.
Well, I thank you for your honesty
Frank.
MCGRAW.
We’re all kinda tense at the
moment. This case.
Poor Mary Jeffrey. It’s got a lot
of people pretty shook up.
HOLDEN.
Sit down. Take it easy.
MCGRAW slumps into a seat, sighs, rubs his eyes.
MCGRAW (V.O. PRELAP.)
This is a very simple woman who
wouldn’t say boo to a goose.
CUT TO:
41 INT. DINER - MAIN ST. - FAIRFIELD - NIGHT 41
A little later, TENCH and HOLDEN have sandwiches. MCGRAW just
smokes.
MCGRAW.
She came up from Arkansas with her
little boy and joined the
Methodists right here in town. She
was so lonely she would sweep the
steps of the church just to be
around the congregation while her
little boy watched. But they didn’t
find her on the steps of the church
on Sunday morning, that’s just what
we told reporters. They found her
cuffed to her bed in her room, her
throat cut, a broomstick lodged in
her rectum. They say he made the
little boy watch that too - and
then he did the same to the b...
(BREAKS OFF.) To the little boy...
MCGRAW dries, HOLDEN and TENCH are silent, things have
suddenly gotten dark.
Mindhunter Ep 1 Blue Working Draft 8/2/18 67.
MCGRAW. (CONT’D)
It’s got me beat. Things like this
don’t happen around here. The level
of viciousness, the sheer
insanity... nothing about it makes
any kind of sense. I don’t eat. My
wife is on the verge of leaving
because I’m making her crazy... I’m
ready to try anything... because
this is a whole new... it’s a, it’s
a whole new level of... (TRAILS
OFF.) What people will do to each
other. There’s nothing. There’s
nothing people won’t do to each
other.
HOLDEN looks around uncertainly, people are evesdropping.
TENCH.
(beat.)
How can we help?
Ratings
Scene 19 - The Dark Abyss
TENCH and HOLDEN with MCGRAW looking at crime scene photos of
MARY JEFFREY.
DETAILS OF - her rictus mouth with a rag stuffed in - blank
staring eyes - bloodied ear - bare broken legs at an acute
angle - a broomstick.
MCGRAW.
... Take a look at that. What is
that right there?
TENCH and HOLDEN exchange looks.
TENCH.
This is clearly lust murder. By
that I mean it’s obviously sexually
motivated.
MCGRAW.
What about the child?
TENCH.
He was a witness.
HOLDEN.
The first murder is a lust murder
but the second is mostly cruelty
and expediency.
Mindhunter Ep 1 Blue Working Draft 8/2/18 68.
TENCH clears his throat, tries to fathom this. HOLDEN also
struggles to articulate:
TENCH.
... The, uh, individual you are
looking for is extremely anti-
social and opportunistic. He’s
probably under thirty, late
twenties --
MCGRAW.
“Anti-social” huh? Well okay.
TENCH.
Inexperienced with the opposite
sex...
MCGRAW.
What about the broomstick? Where
does that fit in?
HOLDEN.
Is it the same broomstick she used
to sweep the church steps?
MCGRAW
What if it is?
HOLDEN.
I think it means something.
HOLDEN looks at TENCH.
MCGRAW.
Really? Tell me what it means. Tell
me what a broomstick in the ass
means.
MCGRAW shows a SCHOOL PHOTO of the JEFFREY BOY, about 5 years
old, sweet, innocent. HOLDEN squirms.
MCGRAW. (CONT’D)
You think it’s a riddle? I’m dying
here. I am looking into the abyss.
He shows another CRIME SCENE PHOTO, turns it this way and
that (we don’t see this one.)
HOLDEN blanches, shaking slightly as he examines the photo,
appalled, TENCH winces too.
Mindhunter Ep 1 Blue Working Draft 8/2/18 69.
MCGRAW. (CONT’D)
What does it mean? Maybe it means
something a million miles from your
wildest imaginings.
MCGRAW smokes, increasingly worked up, wired.
TENCH.
I can’t tell you what it means,
Frank. That’s not my remit.
MCGRAW.
Tell me what it means to the
screwball who did this. Then you’d
be telling me something worth a
fuck.
TENCH.
Frank --
MCGRAW.
Because I have a whole town jumping
like a leaf and I need to catch
this motherfucker. And I want him
to explain himself. I want an
explanation.
TENCH.
I understand --
MCGRAW.
Otherwise I... I can’t do it no
more.
MCGRAW pushes his face close to TENCH’S and stares into his
eyes with burning red eyeballs.
HOLDEN.
(beat.)
He’s right. (TO MCGRAW.) We cannot
help you with this. I cannot tell
you what it means to me or what it
means to the killer. And I can not
teach you anything.
MCGRAW.
What?
HOLDEN.
There’s a gap in my knowledge and I
don’t understand it any more than
you.
TENCH looks at him, “What?”
Mindhunter Ep 1 Blue Working Draft 8/2/18 70.
MCGRAW.
You don’t?
HOLDEN.
No. I’m in the dark the same as
you.
MCGRAW.
And why is that?
HOLDEN.
I don’t know why.
MCGRAW.
Right...
HOLDEN.
Neither of us knows.
TENCH looks at him again, “What the fuck?”
TENCH.
Well... we’d have to take a careful
look at all the evidence...
HOLDEN.
We are in the Dark Ages here.
MCGRAW.
Is that a, a figure of speech?
HOLDEN.
It’s the conclusion I’ve just
arrived at. I’m sorry that I wasted
your time.
MCGRAW looks from him to TENCH, bemused.
HOLDEN returns the CRIME SCENE PHOTOS to MCGRAW.
TENCH looks the floor. MCGRAW just looks from one to the
other, confused.
43 EXT. FAIRFIELD POLICE DEPARTMENT - NIGHT 43
HOLDEN comes out and walks slowly to his car, gets in, just
sits there, freaked out.
TENCH comes out too, gets in the car and sits behind the
wheel, quietly fuming. *
Mindhunter Ep 1 Blue Working Draft 8/2/18 71.
Ratings
Scene 20 - Doubt and Desperation
They drive in the gloaming, trees and paddocks, farmland and
nothingness for miles.
Silence, then:
TENCH.
“The “dark ages?”
HOLDEN.
We are.
TENCH.
“A gap in your knowledge?”
HOLDEN.
I’ve studied everything I can
study. I’ve talked to everyone I
know at the Academy. I’ve taken the
ride out here with you, listened to
everything you’ve told me -- but I
still think we’re teaching
something which we don’t really
understand in the slightest.
TENCH.
I was trying to help you. If you
don’t like it Holden, go back to
your bed-wetting college kids and
we’ll forget all about it.
HOLDEN.
Mary Jeffrey and her son were
killed for reasons we are simply
not equipped to understand. It
wasn’t “lust murder.” It wasn’t
some random thrill killer who was
just “born bad.” And it wasn’t a
pantie thief who changed things up.
It was an aberration.
TENCH.
Let me tell you something about
“aberrant behavior,” Holden: It is
fucking aberrant. If we understood
it, we’d be aberrant too.
Fortunately it is not incumbent
upon us to write a dissertation...
HOLDEN.
Maybe it is.
Mindhunter Ep 1 Blue Working Draft 8/2/18 72.
TENCH.
Why?
HOLDEN.
Our job is to give him something he
couldn’t have figured out himself.
TENCH.
I am sticking my neck out for
you...
HOLDEN.
I’m sorry, Bill. No disrespect. At
the moment I just don’t think we
can say anything to a guy like
McGraw with any kind of authority.
TENCH.
(pause.)
Let me ask you something. Where are
you from?
HOLDEN.
I was born in New York but -- it’s
kind of a mixed bag...
TENCH.
Okay. Well that’s what you are
right now. “A mixed bag.” A little
college education. Some experience
on the street. Some insight. A lot
of horseshit.
HOLDEN.
I agree. One step forward, two
steps back.
TENCH.
Let me ask you something else. *
HOLDEN.
“A little knowledge is a dangerous
thing.” I get it. It’s why we need
more.
TENCH.
Do you have a girlfriend?
HOLDEN.
I do now, Bill, as it happens.
Mindhunter Ep 1 Blue Working Draft 8/2/18 73.
TENCH.
Okay. So. (HANDS HIM A DIME.) Next *
time you’re a long way from home
and you flip your shit, you find a
pay phone and you tell it to your
girlfriend. Okay?
HOLDEN.
Okay.
TENCH.
How does that sound?
HOLDEN.
It sounds okay, Bill.
CLOSING CREDITS.
Ratings
Characters in the screenplay, and their arcs:
Character | Arc | Critique | Suggestions |
---|---|---|---|
Holden Ford | Holden Ford's character arc in the tv_pilot revolves around his passion for incorporating psychology into criminal investigations while also exploring his naivety and idealism. He begins as a younger, unassuming FBI agent and progresses into a more seasoned negotiator, confident in high-pressure situations and driven to understand the minds of criminals. Through his interactions with his colleagues and subjects, Holden comes to realize that traditional law enforcement methods may not be effective in understanding deviant behavior. However, his tendency towards naivety and idealism is also highlighted, especially in his conversations with Debbie. By the end of the pilot, Holden's passion for criminal psychology grows stronger as he continues to challenge and update traditional law enforcement methods to better serve society's need for justice. | The character arc for Holden Ford is strong and well-established in the tv_pilot. However, to improve the arc, Holden's personal life and how it ties into his work could be explored more fully. Additionally, while his naivety and idealism are integral to his character, it can become overbearing at times and risk losing audiences' attention. A stronger balance between Holden's passion and personal struggles, as well as his idealism and realistic approach, could further enhance his character arc. | To enhance Holden Ford's character arc, exploring his personal life and how it relates to his work could offer more depth to the character. Showcasing his struggles outside of work would provide a more intimate look into his psyche. Additionally, emphasizing the realistic consequences of his idealistic approach could further ground his character and make his passion for criminal psychology more relatable to audiences. A character flaw, such as Holden's overconfidence or impatience, could also create a more dynamic character and heighten dramatic tension. |
Cody Miller | Throughout the pilot, Cody's character arc revolves around his descent into madness and his desire to reunite with his wife. His initial distress and erratic behavior stem from his wife leaving him, triggering a mental breakdown that he struggles to control. As the pilot progresses, he becomes more and more unhinged, engaging in dangerous actions that threaten himself and those around him. Ultimately, he is unable to reconcile with his wife and is taken into custody by the police. | The character of Cody is intriguing and unpredictable, adding intensity and suspense to the pilot. However, his arc feels somewhat stereotypical of a mentally unstable villain, lacking depth and nuance. There is also a missed opportunity to explore his backstory and relationship with his wife, which could provide greater insight into his character. | To improve Cody's character arc, it could be useful to provide more backstory and context for his mental breakdown and his relationship with his wife. This could help to humanize him and make his actions more relatable. Additionally, it may be interesting to explore different facets of his personality and how they contribute to his decline, rather than solely relying on his mental instability. This could add more complexity to his character and elevate the overall narrative of the pilot. |
Debbie | Debbie starts off as a sexually liberated and intellectually stimulating character who pushes Holden's boundaries. However, as the tv_pilot progresses, she begins to form a deeper connection with Holden beyond just sexual tension. Debbie's feelings for Holden evolve as she starts to see a different side of him - one that is vulnerable and relatable. By the end of the tv_pilot, Debbie is torn between her strong attraction to Holden and her desire to maintain her independence and focus on her studies. | The character arc for Debbie is interesting but could benefit from more clarity and depth. While her flirtatious and sexually liberated side is well-developed, her academic pursuits and personal struggles could be explored further. Additionally, incorporating more emotional vulnerability and growth in her relationship with Holden would add depth to her character. | To improve Debbie's character arc, consider exploring her personal struggles and conflicts more explicitly. Show how her pursuit of post-grad studies and her desire for independence sometimes clash with her attraction to Holden. Incorporate more moments of emotional vulnerability to show her growth and evolution as a character. Additionally, consider giving her a more well-rounded personality beyond just being sexually adventurous and academically motivated. |
Bill Tench | Bill Tench's character arc shows initial skepticism towards implementing psychology in criminal investigations and a preference for practicality. As Holden introduces him to the new approach, Tench becomes more open-minded and supportive, eventually becoming Holden's partner. He gradually learns to trust Holden's intuition and ideas, embracing his role as a mediator between the new approach and the traditional way of doing things. | The character arc is appropriate for a TV pilot, allowing Tench to go through a change as he adjusts to Holden's way of thinking. However, Tench's character requires more development to make him more interesting, especially in contrast to Holden's more colorful persona. Tench's initial skepticism can be ramped up to create more tension and impart more significance to his transformation. | To improve the character arc, Tench's skepticism can be more firmly established, with him believably opposing Holden's new approach. This creates a greater sense of tension and drama to Tench's transformation. Additionally, the writers can depict the reasons behind Tench's skepticism, such as a particularly bad experience or damage to his reputation if he implemented a similar plan before. |
Top Correlations and patterns found in the scenes:
Pattern | Explanation |
---|---|
Tone and Emotional Impact | There is a strong correlation between the tone of the scene and its emotional impact. Scenes with a tense or intense tone tend to have a higher emotional impact, while scenes with a more casual or flirtatious tone have a lower emotional impact. |
Dialogue and Character Changes | There is a correlation between the quality of dialogue and the degree of character changes in a scene. Scenes with higher quality dialogue tend to have more significant character changes. |
Conflict and High Stakes | There is a correlation between the level of conflict and the high stakes in a scene. Scenes with higher levels of conflict tend to have higher stakes. |
Concept and Plot | There is a correlation between the concept and plot of a scene. Scenes with a strong concept tend to have a more developed plot. |
Overall Grade and Move Story Forward | There is a correlation between the overall grade of a scene and its ability to move the story forward. Scenes with a higher overall grade tend to be more effective in moving the story forward. |
Writer's Craft Overall Analysis
The writer demonstrates a strong command of screenwriting techniques and effectively conveys tension, conflict, and engaging dialogue in the analyzed scenes. The writing style is concise and focused, creating a sense of intrigue and capturing the audience's attention. However, there is room for improvement in terms of originality, character development, and exploring different types of conflicts.
Key Improvement Areas
Suggestions
Type | Suggestion | Rationale |
---|---|---|
Book | Save the Cat! by Blake Snyder | This book provides insights and techniques for improving the structure and pacing of scenes, which can enhance the writer's ability to create engaging and well-structured screenplays. |
Course | Screenwriting Masterclass by Aaron Sorkin | Taking this course can provide valuable lessons and exercises for improving screenwriting skills, particularly in crafting dialogue and developing compelling characters. |
Exercise | Write scenes with different types of conflicts (philosophical, moral, ethical, etc.)Practice In SceneProv | Practicing writing scenes with different types of conflicts can help the writer expand their range and develop their unique voice further. |
Stories Similar to this one
Story | Explanation |
---|---|
Mindhunter (TV Show) | This scene shares similarities with the TV show Mindhunter, which follows FBI agents as they interview serial killers to understand their behavior and motives. Both involve tense and suspenseful scenes with law enforcement trying to establish communication and navigate difficult situations. |
Zodiac (Movie) | The scene in this screenplay is reminiscent of the movie Zodiac, which follows the investigation of the Zodiac Killer. Both involve law enforcement trying to understand and catch a dangerous criminal, with tense and suspenseful moments. |
True Detective (TV Show) | The scene in this screenplay has similarities to the TV show True Detective, which follows detectives as they investigate a series of murders. Both involve intense and suspenseful scenes with law enforcement trying to solve a complex case. |
Se7en (Movie) | The scene in this screenplay shares similarities with the movie Se7en, which follows detectives as they track down a serial killer. Both involve tense and suspenseful scenes with law enforcement trying to understand the killer's motives and catch them. |
Silence of the Lambs (Movie) | The scene in this screenplay is reminiscent of the movie Silence of the Lambs, which follows an FBI agent as she seeks the help of a serial killer to catch another killer. Both involve tense and suspenseful scenes with law enforcement trying to establish communication and navigate dangerous situations. |
Heat (Movie) | The scene in this screenplay shares similarities with the movie Heat, which follows a group of bank robbers and the law enforcement officers trying to catch them. Both involve tense and suspenseful scenes with law enforcement trying to establish communication and navigate dangerous situations. |
Training Day (Movie) | The scene in this screenplay is reminiscent of the movie Training Day, which follows a rookie cop as he is paired with a corrupt detective. Both involve tense and suspenseful scenes with law enforcement trying to navigate difficult situations and conflicts. |
Gone Girl (Movie) | The scene in this screenplay shares similarities with the movie Gone Girl, which follows the investigation of a missing woman and the unraveling of a complex web of deception. Both involve tense and suspenseful scenes with law enforcement trying to understand the truth and navigate difficult situations. |
The Departed (Movie) | The scene in this screenplay is reminiscent of the movie The Departed, which follows an undercover cop and a mole in the police force. Both involve tense and suspenseful scenes with law enforcement trying to navigate dangerous situations and conflicts. |
The Wire (TV Show) | The scene in this screenplay shares similarities with the TV show The Wire, which follows the investigation of drug trafficking in Baltimore. Both involve tense and suspenseful scenes with law enforcement trying to understand and catch criminals. |
American Crime Story: The People v. O.J. Simpson (TV Show) | The scene in this screenplay is reminiscent of the TV show American Crime Story: The People v. O.J. Simpson, which follows the trial of O.J. Simpson. Both involve tense and suspenseful scenes with law enforcement trying to gather evidence and navigate a high-profile case. |
The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo (Book/Movie) | The scene in this screenplay shares similarities with the book and movie The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, which follows a journalist and a hacker as they investigate a series of murders. Both involve tense and suspenseful scenes with investigators trying to understand the killer's motives and catch them. |
Prisoners (Movie) | The scene in this screenplay is reminiscent of the movie Prisoners, which follows a desperate father's search for his missing daughter. Both involve tense and suspenseful scenes with law enforcement trying to understand the truth and navigate difficult situations. |
The Killing (TV Show) | The scene in this screenplay shares similarities with the TV show The Killing, which follows detectives as they investigate a murder case. Both involve tense and suspenseful scenes with law enforcement trying to solve a complex case and navigate difficult situations. |
The Silence of the Lambs (Book) | The scene in this screenplay is reminiscent of the book The Silence of the Lambs, which follows an FBI trainee's pursuit of a serial killer with the help of a cannibalistic psychiatrist. Both involve tense and suspenseful scenes with law enforcement trying to establish communication and navigate dangerous situations. |
Here are different Tropes found in the screenplay
Trope | Trope Details | Trope Explanation |
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Negotiator | The Negotiator is trying to establish communication with Cody through a bullhorn. | The Negotiator trope is a common one in films and TV shows where a character is tasked with negotiating or communicating with another character or group of characters in a high-stakes situation. An example of this trope can be seen in the film 'Inside Man' where a negotiator is brought in to communicate with a bank robber who has taken hostages. |
Tragic Ending | The conflict in this scene is resolved tragically when Cody puts the gun in his mouth and shoots himself. | The Tragic Ending trope is a common storytelling device where a story or scene ends in a tragic or sorrowful manner. This trope is often used to evoke strong emotions in the audience and can be seen in many films and TV shows. An example of this trope can be seen in the film 'Romeo + Juliet' where the story ends with the tragic deaths of the two main characters. |
Tense Emotional Tone | The emotional tone of this scene is tense and suspenseful, with a tragic ending. | The Tense Emotional Tone trope is used to create a sense of tension and suspense in a scene or story. This trope is often used in thrillers and dramas to keep the audience engaged and on the edge of their seats. An example of this trope can be seen in the TV show 'Breaking Bad' where many scenes have a tense emotional tone due to the high-stakes situations the characters find themselves in. |
Despondent | Holden and Tench feel despondent and drink beer outside their motel room. | The Despondent trope is used to depict characters who are feeling hopeless, discouraged, or disheartened. This trope is often used to show the emotional struggles of characters and can be seen in many films and TV shows. An example of this trope can be seen in the film 'Lost in Translation' where the two main characters, feeling despondent and disconnected, form a bond while in Tokyo. |
Friendly Banter | Holden and Debbie have lunch and discuss the surveillance operation on the university campus. They then watch a movie together. | The Friendly Banter trope is used to depict lighthearted and playful conversation between characters. This trope is often used to show the camaraderie and friendship between characters and can be seen in many films and TV shows. An example of this trope can be seen in the TV show 'Friends' where the characters engage in friendly banter and playful teasing throughout the series. |
Tense Argumentative Tone | The emotional tone of this scene is tense and argumentative. | The Tense Argumentative Tone trope is used to depict a scene or conversation that is filled with tension and conflict. This trope is often used to create drama and suspense in a story and can be seen in many films and TV shows. An example of this trope can be seen in the film 'A Few Good Men' where the climactic courtroom scene is filled with tense and argumentative dialogue. |
Instructional | The emotional tone of the scene is serious and instructional. | The Instructional trope is used to depict a scene or situation where characters are teaching or instructing others. This trope is often used in educational or training settings and can be seen in many films and TV shows. An example of this trope can be seen in the film 'Dead Poets Society' where a teacher instructs his students on the importance of seizing the day. |
Tense and Dark | The emotional tone of this scene is tense and dark. | The Tense and Dark trope is used to create a scene or story that is filled with tension and darkness. This trope is often used in thrillers and horror films to create a sense of unease and suspense. An example of this trope can be seen in the film 'Se7en' where the entire story is filled with tense and dark moments as the characters hunt down a serial killer. |
Argumentative | The conflict arises when the older detective disagrees with Holden's theories and a conflict arises. | The Argumentative trope is used to depict a scene or conversation where characters engage in a heated argument or disagreement. This trope is often used to create conflict and tension in a story and can be seen in many films and TV shows. An example of this trope can be seen in the film '12 Angry Men' where the entire story revolves around a group of jurors arguing and debating the guilt or innocence of a defendant. |
Theme | Theme Details | Themee Explanation |
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Communication and Connection | The Negotiator trying to establish communication with Cody, Holden's attempt to de-escalate the situation with Cody, Holden's interaction with the police negotiator and other officers, Holden's conversation with Cody's wife Sissy about their troubled relationship, Holden and Wilson discussing their work as agents, Holden and Debbie discussing their backgrounds and interests, Holden and Debbie discussing their relationship, Holden and Debbie discussing their lack of knowledge about certain topics, Holden and Tench discussing their theories with young police officers, Holden presenting information to the class about Charles Manson, Holden and Tench analyzing crime scene photos with Detective McGraw | Communication and connection is a recurring theme in this screenplay. It explores the challenges and importance of effective communication in various situations, such as hostage negotiation, relationship dynamics, and sharing knowledge and theories in law enforcement. The characters' attempts to establish connections and understand each other drive the plot and shape their interactions. |
Mental Health and Emotional Struggles | Cody's unstable state and possession of a shotgun, Cody's tragic ending, Holden reflecting on a recent incident involving a bloodied dying man, Holden questioning whether he could have done more to help the man, Holden frustrated and questioning the effectiveness of the FBI's procedures, Holden's despondency and frustration with teaching, Holden and Tench discussing their frustrations, Detective McGraw's emotional response to the murder case, Holden's frustration with the lack of understanding of aberrant behavior | Mental health and emotional struggles are explored throughout the screenplay. Characters like Cody, Holden, and Detective McGraw grapple with their own emotional states and the impact of traumatic events. The theme highlights the toll that these struggles can take on individuals and their ability to cope with challenging situations. |
Law Enforcement and Criminal Psychology | Holden teaching a class on hostage negotiation, Holden observing Wilson's class on investigating motiveless crimes, Holden discussing the importance of identifying a perpetrator before negotiating, Holden and Wilson discussing criminal behavior, Holden and Tench teaching classes to local law enforcement, Holden and Tench analyzing crime scene photos, Holden and Tench discussing their theories with young police officers | Law enforcement and criminal psychology are central themes in this screenplay. The characters' work in the FBI and their interactions with law enforcement officers and trainees provide insights into the challenges and strategies involved in investigating crimes and understanding criminal behavior. The theme explores the complexities of law enforcement and the psychological aspects of criminal investigations. |
Relationships and Intimacy | Holden and Debbie discussing their backgrounds and interests, Holden and Debbie discussing their relationship, Holden and Debbie discussing their lack of knowledge about certain topics, Holden and Debbie having sex and discussing their relationship afterwards, Holden and Tench discussing their frustrations, Holden and Tench offering advice and support to each other, Holden and Debbie's flirtatious conversations, Holden and Tench's friendly and collegial interactions | Relationships and intimacy play a significant role in this screenplay. The romantic relationship between Holden and Debbie, as well as the friendship and mentorship between Holden and Tench, provide emotional depth and personal connections for the characters. The theme explores the complexities and dynamics of relationships, both romantic and platonic. |
Trauma and its Effects | Cody's tragic ending, Holden reflecting on a recent incident involving a bloodied dying man, Holden questioning whether he could have done more to help the man, Holden frustrated and questioning the effectiveness of the FBI's procedures, Holden's despondency and frustration with teaching, Detective McGraw's emotional response to the murder case, Holden's frustration with the lack of understanding of aberrant behavior | Trauma and its effects are recurring themes in this screenplay. Characters like Cody, Holden, and Detective McGraw experience and grapple with the aftermath of traumatic events. The theme explores the psychological and emotional impact of trauma on individuals and their ability to navigate their personal and professional lives. |
Screenwriting Resources on Themes
Articles
Site | Description |
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Studio Binder | Movie Themes: Examples of Common Themes for Screenwriters |
Coverfly | Improving your Screenplay's theme |
John August | Writing from Theme |
YouTube Videos
Title | Description |
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Story, Plot, Genre, Theme - Screenwriting Basics | Screenwriting basics - beginner video |
What is theme | Discussion on ways to layer theme into a screenplay. |
Thematic Mistakes You're Making in Your Script | Common Theme mistakes and Philosophical Conflicts |
Voice Analysis | |
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Summary: | The writer's voice throughout the screenplay is concise, focused, and realistic. They use dialogue and narrative description to create tension, explore complex themes, and develop the characters. The writer's voice is characterized by a blend of seriousness and humor, as well as a strong emphasis on dialogue-driven scenes. |
Voice Contribution | The writer's voice contributes to the script by creating a sense of authenticity and realism. The dialogue feels natural and reflects the characters' personalities and motivations. The concise and focused narrative description adds depth to the scenes and enhances the overall atmosphere. The writer's voice also explores complex themes and challenges conventional thinking, adding depth and meaning to the story. |
Best Representation Scene | 3 - Negotiation Gone Awry |
Best Scene Explanation | This scene is the best representation of the author's voice because it showcases their ability to create vivid and evocative imagery, realistic dialogue, and explore complex internal conflicts. |
- Overall originality score: 5.5
- Overall originality explanation: The screenplay demonstrates a moderate level of originality. While some scenes present fresh perspectives and unique approaches, others follow familiar setups and situations.
- Most unique situations: The most unique situations in the screenplay are the exploration of the clash between academic knowledge and practical experience in criminal investigation, the fresh approach to discussing criminal motives and the use of humor to engage the audience, and the specific details and dialogue used to describe the disturbing crime case.
- Overall unpredictability score: 7
- Overall unpredictability explanation: The full screenplay has a relatively high level of unpredictability. The unique situations, fresh approaches, and unexpected twists in the plot keep the audience engaged and guessing.
Goals and Philosophical Conflict | |
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internal Goals | The protagonist's internal goals evolve throughout the script, reflecting their need for recognition, validation, closure, connection, and companionship. |
External Goals | The protagonist's external goals evolve throughout the script, reflecting their immediate circumstances and challenges in their career and personal life. |
Philosophical Conflict | The overarching philosophical conflict revolves around the protagonist's beliefs and values about criminal behavior, the nature of criminals, and the importance of understanding motives. |
Character Development Contribution: The protagonist's evolving internal and external goals contribute to their development by challenging their beliefs, values, and worldview. They are forced to confront their limitations, question established methods, and seek validation and acceptance from others.
Narrative Structure Contribution: The evolving goals and conflicts provide a narrative structure that drives the protagonist's journey and creates tension and suspense. They also serve as catalysts for character growth and development.
Thematic Depth Contribution: The goals and conflicts contribute to the thematic depth of the screenplay by exploring the complexities of criminal behavior, the importance of empathy and understanding, and the limitations of traditional approaches to law enforcement. They also delve into the nature vs. nurture debate and challenge societal perceptions of criminals.
Screenwriting Resources on Goals and Philosophical Conflict
Articles
Site | Description |
---|---|
Creative Screenwriting | How Important Is A Character’s Goal? |
Studio Binder | What is Conflict in a Story? A Quick Reminder of the Purpose of Conflict |
YouTube Videos
Title | Description |
---|---|
How I Build a Story's Philosophical Conflict | How do you build philosophical conflict into your story? Where do you start? And how do you develop it into your characters and their external actions. Today I’m going to break this all down and make it fully clear in this episode. |
Endings: The Good, the Bad, and the Insanely Great | By Michael Arndt: I put this lecture together in 2006, when I started work at Pixar on Toy Story 3. It looks at how to write an "insanely great" ending, using Star Wars, The Graduate, and Little Miss Sunshine as examples. 90 minutes |
Tips for Writing Effective Character Goals | By Jessica Brody (Save the Cat!): Writing character goals is one of the most important jobs of any novelist. But are your character's goals...mushy? |
Consider
Executive Summary
The screenplay for the TV pilot 'Mindhunter' shows promise, with several strong elements, including the collaborative dynamic between the two lead characters, Holden and Tench, and the exploration of Holden's emotional intelligence and willingness to challenge conventional thinking. However, the screenplay also has areas that could be improved, such as a stronger opening that better introduces the characters and their motivations, and a more cohesive exploration of the societal and historical context in which the story takes place. Additionally, the screenplay would benefit from a more developed approach to addressing the most extreme forms of violent crime, which is a central aspect of the show's premise. Overall, the screenplay is a solid starting point that could be further refined to create a compelling and engaging TV series.
- The scene where Tench and Holden present their theories to the local police department demonstrates their strong collaborative dynamic and ability to engage an audience. Tench's practical, experiential approach and Holden's more academic perspective complement each other well. high ( Scene 36 (INT. FAIRFIELD/LOCAL POLICE DEPARTMENT - DAY) )
- The scene where Holden and Debbie watch 'Dog Day Afternoon' shows Holden's empathy and emotional intelligence, as he is moved by the film's themes of identity and desperation. medium ( Scene 25 (INT. MOVIE CINEMA - NIGHT) )
- The class discussion on the Manson case highlights Holden's willingness to challenge conventional thinking and explore more nuanced perspectives on criminal psychology, even if it means clashing with more experienced officers. high ( Scene 39 (INT. FAIRFIELD POLICE DEPARTMENT - DAY) )
- The scene where Holden and Tench struggle to provide insight into the disturbing details of the Mary Jeffrey murder case reveals a gap in their knowledge and ability to address the most extreme forms of violent crime. This is an area that could be further developed. high ( Scene 42 (INT. INCIDENT ROOM/FAIRFIELD POLICE DEPARTMENT - NIGHT) )
- Holden's interaction with the lecturer, Leo, could be strengthened to better establish Holden's credibility and rapport with the academic community, which is an important aspect of his role. medium ( Scene 19 (INT. UNIVERSITY OF VIRGINIA/LECTURE THEATRE - DAY) )
- The screenplay would benefit from a stronger opening that better introduces the central characters, their motivations, and the overall premise of the show. The current opening, while dramatic, lacks sufficient context and character development. high ( Scene 1 (MINDHUNTER (EPISODE 1.)) )
- The screenplay could incorporate more information about the larger societal and historical context in which the story takes place, such as the evolving attitudes towards criminal psychology and the changing role of law enforcement in the 1970s. medium ( Scene 1 (MINDHUNTER (EPISODE 1.)) )
- The scene where Holden and Debbie discuss their relationship and intimacy highlights Holden's social awkwardness and lack of experience, which provides an interesting character depth and contrast to his professional expertise. medium ( Scene 28 (INT. DEBBIE'S BEDROOM - NIGHT) )
- The scene where Detective McGraw shares the disturbing details of the Mary Jeffrey case demonstrates the emotional toll that such extreme violence can have on law enforcement, and hints at the challenges Holden and Tench will face in navigating these types of crimes. high ( Scene 40 (INT. DINER - MAIN STREET - FAIRFIELD - EVENING) )