Nickel Boys

Executive Summary

Poster
Overview

Genres: Drama, Historical, Coming-of-age, Family, Thriller, Crime, Sports, Slice of Life, Mystery

Setting: 1958-1968, Frenchtown, Florida and Nickel Academy, Marianna, Florida

Overview: Nickel Boys follows the journey of Elwood Curtis, a young Black boy in 1960s Florida, who is sent to the Nickel Academy, a reform school notorious for its brutal treatment of its students. The story begins with Elwood's idyllic childhood in Frenchtown, shaped by his loving grandmother, Hattie, and his aspirations inspired by the civil rights movement. As he arrives at Nickel Academy, Elwood quickly realizes the harsh realities of the institution, where systemic racism and violence are rampant. Throughout the middle of the story, Elwood forms a deep bond with Turner, a fellow inmate, as they navigate the oppressive environment together. Their friendship becomes a source of strength as they confront the injustices around them. The narrative culminates in a series of harrowing events that test their resilience and challenge their hopes for freedom and justice, ultimately leading to a poignant exploration of the impact of their experiences on their lives.

Themes: Systemic Racism and Injustice, Friendship and Resilience, Coming-of-Age, Family and Community

Conflict and Stakes: Elwood's struggle against systemic racism and the oppressive environment of Nickel Academy, with his future and identity at stake.

Overall Mood: Somber and reflective, with moments of hope and resilience.

Mood/Tone at Key Scenes:

  • Scene 1: Light-hearted and familial, capturing the warmth of family life amidst playful teasing.
  • Scene 4: Tense and warm, transitioning from fear to comfort as Elwood seeks reassurance from Hattie.
  • Scene 20: Dark and oppressive, highlighting the brutality of the punishment system at Nickel Academy.
  • Scene 30: Tense and urgent, filled with a sense of impending danger as Elwood and Turner attempt to escape.

Standout Features:

  • Unique Hook: The juxtaposition of Elwood's childhood innocence with the harsh realities of systemic racism and the oppressive environment of Nickel Academy.
  • Major Twist: The revelation of the true nature of Nickel Academy and the impact it has on the boys' lives, culminating in Elwood's tragic fate.
  • Distinctive Setting: The contrasting environments of Frenchtown and Nickel Academy, highlighting the differences in community and institutional oppression.
  • Innovative Ideas: The use of archival footage and flashbacks to connect past injustices with present-day reflections.
  • Unique Characters: A diverse cast that represents various perspectives on race, identity, and resilience.

Comparable Scripts:

  • The Nickel Boys by Colson Whitehead
  • The Help
  • To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee
  • The Outsiders
  • A Raisin in the Sun
  • The Shawshank Redemption
  • Just Mercy by Bryan Stevenson
  • The Color Purple by Alice Walker
  • When They See Us

Writing Style:

The screenplay exhibits a diverse yet cohesive writing style, blending elements of social realism, character-driven drama, and historical context. It frequently employs sharp dialogue, nuanced character interactions, and a focus on exploring complex themes of race, social justice, family dynamics, and moral dilemmas. While diverse in setting and specific thematic focus, a consistent emphasis on emotional depth and authentic character portrayal unites the scenes.

Style Similarities:

  • Ava DuVernay
  • John Ridley
  • Barry Jenkins
  • Quentin Tarantino
Other Similarities
Pass/Consider/Recommend

Highly Recommend


Explanation: This screenplay is a powerful and moving depiction of systemic racism and abuse in a Florida reform school. The script expertly weaves together Elwood's coming-of-age story with the horrifying realities of the Nickel Academy, using innovative visual storytelling and evocative imagery to create a deeply affecting experience. While a few minor improvements could enhance certain aspects, the screenplay's overall narrative strength, character development, and thematic resonance make it a highly compelling and marketable project.


USP: What sets 'Nickel Boys' apart is its unflinching portrayal of the systemic injustices faced by Black boys in a reform school setting, combined with a deeply personal coming-of-age story. The screenplay's ability to weave historical context with individual struggles makes it compelling for audiences interested in social justice and human resilience.
Market Analysis

Budget Estimate:$20-30 million

Target Audience Demographics: Adults aged 18-54, particularly those interested in social justice, historical dramas, and coming-of-age stories.

Marketability: The screenplay addresses relevant social issues and has the potential to resonate with a wide audience, especially in today's climate.

The unique blend of historical context and personal stories can attract both drama enthusiasts and those interested in civil rights narratives.

The compelling characters and their journeys provide a strong emotional core that can engage viewers.

Profit Potential: High, due to its appeal to a broad audience and potential for critical acclaim, which can lead to awards and increased viewership.

Analysis Criteria Percentiles
Writer's Voice

Summary:The writer's voice is characterized by a deeply empathetic and richly detailed exploration of a young Black boy's coming-of-age story against the backdrop of the American Civil Rights Movement and the brutal realities of a reform school. It seamlessly blends visceral sensory descriptions with introspective character moments, creating a powerful and immersive experience. The dialogue is authentic and nuanced, capturing the specificities of time, place, and character relationships, ranging from the warmth of family life to the stark cruelty of systemic racism.

Best representation: Scene 16 - Rebellion in the Backseat. This scene is the best representation because it masterfully combines several key elements of the writer's voice. The visual imagery (Elwood's shadow, the lopsided cake) is strikingly evocative, the internal struggles of both Elwood and Hattie are powerfully conveyed, and the historical context (Dr. King's speech) is seamlessly woven into the emotional fabric of the scene. The juxtaposition of Elwood's external isolation and Hattie's internal grief powerfully communicates the weight of historical trauma and the difficulty of connection in the face of injustice. It perfectly encapsulates the screenplay's blend of sensory detail, emotional depth, and historical awareness.

Memorable Lines:

  • NURSE SCARLETT: For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature... shall be able to separate us from the love of God... (Scene 27)
  • BLAKELEY: You may have grand designs and great dreams for yourself, but if God has decided that your lot is sweeping streets, work that broom like Michelangelo painted ceilings, attack that gutter the way Beethoven attacked his Ninth Symphony. (Scene 39)
  • Hattie: Act above your station and you will pay. Act above your station and you will pay. (Scene 16)
  • TURNER: You eat that oatmeal like your mama made it. (Scene 22)
  • Turner: Ain’t that some shit? (Scene 40)
Characters

Elwood Curtis:A young Black boy with aspirations for a better life, navigating the challenges of systemic racism and personal struggles.

Turner:Elwood's friend, who is more cynical and pragmatic, often providing a counterpoint to Elwood's idealism.

Hattie:Elwood's grandmother, who embodies love and concern for her family amidst the societal challenges they face.

Percy:Elwood's father, who struggles with personal issues and represents the complexities of family dynamics.

Mr. Hill:A teacher who inspires Elwood and represents hope for change and education.

Griff:A larger boy at Nickel Academy who embodies the physical challenges and bullying present in the institution.

Story Shape
Summary **Title: "The Weight of Freedom"** **Summary:** Set against the backdrop of 1950s and 1960s Florida, "The Weight of Freedom" follows the life of young Elwood Curtis, a bright and hopeful African American boy navigating the complexities of childhood, family, and systemic racism. The screenplay opens in the warm, familial environment of Frenchtown, where Elwood experiences nurturing moments with his grandmother Hattie and the playful dynamics of his parents. However, this innocence is soon overshadowed by the harsh realities of his upbringing during the Civil Rights Movement. As Elwood grows up, the narrative shifts to his encounters with racial tension in a playground, the political climate depicted through television broadcasts, and his experiences at Lincoln High School, where he grapples with derogatory language and understands the weight of his identity. Interspersed with moments of adolescence, including budding romance and friendship, Elwood's journey leads him to Nickel Academy, a reform school fraught with brutality and oppression, where he faces stark realities of institutional racism. The screenplay captures poignant moments of camaraderie with fellow inmates, like Turner, amid the oppressive atmosphere. Tensions rise as Elwood and Turner navigate their friendships amidst dangers, including threats from authority figures and the toll of their harsh environment. The emotional weight of the story deepens as Elwood’s activism and desires for civil disobedience clash with Hattie's protective instincts, creating a profound generational conflict. As Elwood's world becomes increasingly perilous, culminating in a desperate escape attempt, the screenplay highlights the intersection of hope and despair. The climax reveals themes of vulnerability and resilience under systemic abuse, ending tragically with Elwood’s untimely death, leaving a haunting legacy for Turner and Hattie, who grapple with the loss and the ongoing fight for justice. In a poignant conclusion that intertwines past and present, the narrative reflects on the lingering impact of oppression while offering a glimpse of solace in the bonds created through shared pain. Set against the tapestry of American history, "The Weight of Freedom" resonates as a testament to courage, loss, and the quest for identity amidst the struggle for civil rights, ultimately inviting audiences to reflect on the enduring legacy of freedom and justice.


Screenplay Story Analysis

Story Critique This screenplay boasts a powerful premise, exploring the devastating impact of the Nickel Academy and the resilience of young Black boys in the face of systemic racism. The interwoven timelines effectively create a sense of urgency and consequence. Elwood's journey, from childhood innocence to adult reflection, is compelling. The supporting characters, especially Hattie and Turner, are well-developed and add emotional depth. However, the narrative occasionally feels episodic, with some scenes lacking clear connection to the central plot. The pacing in the Nickel Academy section feels uneven, occasionally bogged down in descriptive detail that could be more effectively conveyed visually. The adult Elwood storyline, while emotionally resonant, could be more tightly integrated with the past. Furthermore, the resolution of the main conflict could benefit from a more impactful and definitive climax.
Suggestions: - Strengthen the connective tissue between scenes, ensuring each contributes directly to Elwood's overall arc and the central theme. - Streamline the middle section by prioritizing impactful moments over excessive descriptive detail in the Nickel Academy scenes. - Develop a more cohesive narrative arc for adult Elwood, weaving his present-day investigation more intimately with his past experiences. - Enhance the dramatic stakes by raising the ante in the climax, leading to a more satisfying resolution. - Consider a subplot focusing on the systemic issues at Nickel Academy, revealing a broader view of corruption and its ramifications.

Note: This is the overall critique. For scene by scene critique click here
Beginning The opening scenes effectively establish Elwood's character and family dynamic, hinting at the themes of love, protection, and the innocence of childhood. The juxtaposition of playful family moments with subtly unsettling undercurrents creates intrigue. However, the initial scenes feel somewhat slow-paced, lacking a clear inciting incident to propel the narrative forward. The connection between these early scenes and the later events at Nickel Academy could be strengthened by more directly foreshadowing the themes of oppression and injustice.
Suggestions: - Introduce a more impactful inciting incident early on, something that foreshadows the challenges Elwood will face. - Enhance the foreshadowing of the later events at Nickel Academy, subtly introducing themes of systemic racism and injustice through the family dynamics or Elwood's observations.
Middle The middle section, focusing on Elwood's time at Nickel Academy, effectively depicts the brutality and dehumanization of the institution. The character interactions are compelling, and the sense of oppressive atmosphere is well-established. However, the sheer volume of scenes could overwhelm the audience; some might feel repetitive or lack significant impact on the overall narrative. The emotional weight could be heightened through more impactful scenes focusing on the psychological impact of the academy on the boys.
Suggestions: - Streamline the middle section by focusing on the most impactful moments at Nickel Academy. - Prioritize the psychological impact of the institution on the boys through more emotionally resonant scenes. - Consider introducing a structured plot line within the academy timeline to create more compelling narrative momentum.
Ending The ending offers poignant reflections on loss, trauma, and the lasting impact of Nickel Academy. Adult Elwood's investigation provides a fitting framework for revisiting past events. The resolution, however, feels somewhat abrupt. The final confrontation or revelation could be more powerfully expressed, leaving a stronger lasting impression on the audience. The resolution of the relationships, particularly Turner's and Elwood's, feels somewhat understated given the intense experiences they shared.
Suggestions: - Create a more decisive and impactful climax to the story, offering a stronger sense of closure. - Develop a more powerful final confrontation between Elwood and a key antagonist, bringing the past and present storylines together in a meaningful way. - Provide a more satisfying resolution to the relationships between Elwood and the other key characters, highlighting the lasting effects of their shared experiences.

See the full analysis by clicking the title.

1 - A Night of Family and Fun Tense, Melancholic, Sarcastic 8.5 8 88 9 787878879 98899
2 - A Christmas Eve Reflection Nostalgic, Playful, Sentimental 8.5 8 88 9 787372769 88999
3 - A Taste of Home Intimate, Nostalgic, Playful 8.5 9 89 9 787273679 89888
4 - A Night of Tension and Comfort Intimate, Reflective, Intriguing 8.5 8 88 9 787372679 79899
5 - Silencing Hope Reflective, Serious, Intimate 8.5 9 89 9 787787879 89888
6 - A Moment of Reflection and Opportunity Introspective, Observational, Nostalgic 8.5 8 89 9 687.5483788 79888
7 - A New Beginning Serious, Intense, Reflective 9.2 10 99 9 987989979 99888
8 - Whimsical Observations in Frenchtown Introspective, Observational, Innocent, Flirtatious 8.5 8 88 8 787352668 78899
9 - A Step Towards the Future Hopeful, Informative, Inspirational 8.5 8 89 9 787476878 99888
10 - Routine Oppression Introspective, Observational, Reflective 8.5 9 89 9 787788889 89888
11 - Moments of Change Serious, Reflective, Hopeful 8.5 9 89 9 887778879 89888
12 - A Moment of Pride and Reflection Introspective, Reflective, Nostalgic, Affectionate 8.5 8 89 9 787362679 99888
13 - Confrontation and Care Tense, Anxious, Concerned, Sinister, Menacing, Reflective, Intimate 8.5 9 89 9 887877879 89888
14 - A Ride Interrupted Tense, Introspective, Nostalgic 8.5 8 99 9 887989989 89888
15 - Tangled Emotions Introspective, Anxious, Eerie, Distraught 8.5 8 89 9 887878879 89888
16 - Shadows of Grief Reflective, Emotional, Intimate 8.5 9 89 9 887676779 99888
17 - Rebellion in the Backseat Tense, Menacing, Grim 8.5 8 98 8 887988989 89899
18 - Arrival at Nickel Academy Oppression, Injustice, Tension 8.5 8 99 8 787878989 89888
19 - Introduction to Authority Authoritative, Intimidating, Restrictive 8.5 8 98 8 787989988 89999
20 - Contrasting Worlds: Elwood's Journey Begins Intimidating, Anxious, Observant 8.5 9 89 9 787888878 89888
21 - Cold Showers and Segregated Games Intense, Tense, Intriguing 8.5 8 88 9 887888879 89888
22 - Isolation in the Dining Hall Intimidating, Tense, Defiant, Calm 8.5 8 88 9 787877877 89888
23 - Chaos and Calm at Nickel Academy Anxious, Tense, Isolated, Intimidating, Educational 8.5 8 89 9 787777878 89888
24 - Confrontation in the Bathroom Intense, Tense, Confrontational 8.5 8 98 9 887979979 89888
25 - Citrus Grove Duties Tense, Intimidating, Curious 8.5 9 88 8 787.5887878 79888
26 - The White House of Fear Intense, Dark, Suspenseful 9.2 9 99 9 898108109810 89888
27 - Silent Suffering Intense, Emotional, Reflective 8.5 8 88 9 887777879 88899
28 - Tension in the Alley Tense, Grim, Melancholic 8.5 8 98 8 787.5888989 898.588
29 - A Moment of Connection Distraught, Compassionate, Reflective, Hopeful 8.5 8 89 9 787.5584779 99888
30 - Hope and Despair in the Infirmary Intense, Reflective, Conversational 8.5 8 99 9 887888989 99888
31 - Confrontation and Camaraderie at Nickel Academy Intense, Tense, Confrontational 8.5 8 89 9 887988879 89888
32 - Reassignment at Nickel Academy Intense, Tense, Authoritative 8.5 9 89 9 787988878 89888
33 - A Glimpse of Freedom Tense, Cynical, Reflective 8.5 8 99 8 787878988 99888
34 - Curiosity and Camaraderie at Nickel Academy Tense, Reflective, Introspective 8.5 8 89 9 787777878 89888
35 - Balancing Act at Nickel Academy Humorous, Cynical, Playful 8.5 8 78 9 487372576 99888
36 - Chaos on the Campus Tense, Reflective, Emotional 8.5 8 89 9 887675689 79888
37 - Reflections on Labor and Change Reflective, Informative, Thoughtful 8.5 8 89 9 687485677 99888
38 - Reflections in the Barn Reflective, Emotional, Intimate 8.5 8 89 9 887.5574689 798.588
39 - The Weight of Words Tense, Emotional, Reflective 8.5 8 89 9 887.5787889 998.588
40 - Reflections at Boot Hill Tense, Reflective, Cynical 8.5 8 89 9 887888879 89888
41 - Rumble in the Gym: A Divided Fight Intense, Emotional, Tense 8.5 9 89 9 887989889 89888
42 - Reflections of Christmas Past Nostalgic, Reflective, Hopeful 9.2 9 99 9 7862536610 87788
43 - Reflections of Hope and Disillusionment Reflective, Nostalgic, Hopeful 8.5 8 89 9 787677879 89888
44 - A Tense Reunion Emotional, Reflective, Heartfelt 8.5 8 89 9 887777879 99888
45 - Echoes of Loss Reflective, Melancholic, Regretful 8.5 8 89 9 887375779 89888
46 - Under the Portico: A Moment of Reflection Reflective, Introspective, Hopeful 8.5 9 89 9 787.5686789 998.588
47 - A Reckless Pursuit Intense, Reflective, Confrontational 8.5 8 99 8 887989989 99888
48 - Winter Whimsy in the City Reflective, Intimate, Nostalgic 8.5 8 88 9 887676779 89888
49 - Fog and Frustration Tense, Surreal, Mysterious 8.5 9 89 8 789787888 79888
50 - Echoes of the Past Reflective, Regretful, Nostalgic 8.5 8 89 9 887777879 99888
51 - Echoes of Discipline Tense, Reflective, Mysterious 8.5 8 99 8 887888979 89888
52 - Illusions of Joy Tragic, Reflective, Defiant 8.7 9 99 9 998989979 99888
53 - A Fork in the Road Tense, Hopeful, Desperate 8.7 9 98 9 987979979 88899
54 - Reflections of the Past Tense, Reflective, Surreal 8.5 8 88 9 887778879 89899
55 - Descent into Darkness Tense, Claustrophobic, Desperate, Dark 9.2 9 99 9 89898109810 99888
56 - Secrets and Stakes Suspenseful, Intense, Intriguing 8.5 8 97 8 787878988 99888
57 - Midnight Escape Tense, Suspenseful, Intense 8.5 8 98 8 887979989 99888
58 - Desperate Escape Tense, Suspenseful, Dramatic 9.2 9 98 9 98910810989 99999
59 - Running Through Shadows Reflective, Introspective, Tense 8.5 9 89 9 886868869 77788
60 - Moments of Love and Uncertainty Reflective, Nostalgic, Intimate 8.5 8 88 8 797453669 79888


Scene 1 - A Night of Family and Fun
2A EXT. CURTIS HOME - YARD - FRENCHTOWN FL - 1958 - DAY (D1) 2A

ELWOOD (6-8ish) POV of the midday sky where the moon is
visible against its blue hue. The underside of a lemon tree
with lemons is also in view.

EVELYN (O.S.)
(calling out)
Elwood? Elwood! (louder) El!

He tilts his head toward the house, his arm outstretched in
the same direction in the unruly tropical backyard of the
family house.

HATTIE (O.S.)
He’s out back, looking like he fell
out.


3 INT. CURTIS HOME - LIVING AREA - 1958 - NIGHT (N2) 3

SOUND of music playing.

ELWOOD’s POV from where he’s sitting on his mother’s lap, is
concentrated on a drop of condensation on a can of beer on
the table before him. Lights reflect on and off the aluminum.
A party is winding down. Cigarette butts in the ashtray.

His mother EVELYN (late 20s, slim, tired eyes) and his father
PERCY (30s, fit and restless) play gin rummy with friends. A
couple in the background is swaying in a boozy slow dance.

The dew drop begins to slide down the side of the beer can.

Percy throws a discarded card face down.

PERCY
Knock knock.

He splays his hand on the table. Picks up the can of beer.
Evelyn’s unmatched cards are of equal value to his, she
starts discarding them.

PERCY (CONT'D)
Just gonna lay ‘em all off?

He sets down the now empty can.


(CONTINUED)
3 CONTINUED: 3

ANOTHER ADULT VOICE (O.S.)
She undercut ya.

PERCY
You ain’t lying. Damn Ev.

EVELYN (O.S.)
Gin is gin... you know Percy can’t
count and drink at the same time.

Some chuckling from people O.S.

PERCY
(yawning)
Just go ‘head and deal ’em.

His large hand slams down on the beer can, crushing it.
Elwood’s gaze jolts a little but holds on the can in its new
form, then turns to look at Evelyn’s hand, nails done but
worn down, gripping a tumbler glass, swirling whiskey into a
whirlpool at the bottom.

Someone sweeps up the cards and shuffles the deck.

EVELYN (O.S.)
(chuckles)
You too tiiired Percy, after this
next loss I’ma have to hear your
mouth all the way to Cali.

PERCY
She know she ain’t even driving,
already complaining about
somethin’. What you need to do is
put that boy to bed.

An older woman’s hands start to tidy up and collect glasses.

EVELYN
What you need to do is mind your
business and get what’s coming to
ya. I’ll clear it, Mama. Elwood,
get down now.

Elwood gets down. Evelyn sets the tumbler on the table and
starts to follows his grandmother HATTIE (50s, a hummingbird)
out of the room.

PERCY (O.S.)
(as she passes out the
door)
Come back and help me win, Evelyn.
You hear?



(CONTINUED)
3 CONTINUED: (2) 3

The women’s voices can be faintly heard from the kitchen.

EVELYN (O.S.)
I said I’d do the washing up, Mama.

HATTIE (O.S.)
At least tell the child you’re
leaving.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In a lively scene set in 1958 Frenchtown, Florida, young Elwood enjoys a sunny day in his backyard before transitioning to a nighttime family gathering. As the party winds down, he sits on his mother Evelyn's lap, observing the playful banter and competitive spirit between his parents, Percy and Evelyn, during a game of gin rummy. Hattie, Elwood's grandmother, keeps the household grounded, reminding Evelyn of her responsibilities. The scene captures the warmth and humor of family life, highlighting the dynamics of love and competition amidst a social atmosphere.
Strengths
  • Strong character development
  • Tense atmosphere
  • Emotional depth
Weaknesses
  • Lack of character change
  • Limited action

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively sets up the family dynamics and tensions through dialogue and actions, creating a compelling atmosphere. The use of the moonlit yard and the game of gin rummy adds depth to the characters and their relationships.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring family tensions and dynamics during a game of gin rummy in a moonlit setting is engaging and well-executed. The scene effectively conveys the underlying conflicts and emotions of the characters.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene revolves around the family dynamics and tensions revealed during the game of gin rummy. It sets up the conflicts and relationships that will unfold throughout the screenplay.

Originality: 8

The scene is original in its setting and character dynamics. The interactions between the characters feel authentic and the sensory descriptions add depth to the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed through their actions and dialogue, showcasing their personalities and relationships. Each character's unique traits and dynamics contribute to the overall tension of the scene.

Character Changes: 7

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the tensions and conflicts set the stage for potential character development and growth in future scenes.

Internal Goal: 8

Elwood's internal goal in this scene is to navigate the dynamics of his family and understand the relationships between his parents. He is observing their interactions and trying to make sense of their behavior.

External Goal: 7

Elwood's external goal is to follow his mother's instructions and go to bed. He is also observing the party and the interactions between the adults.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The level of conflict in the scene is high, with tensions simmering beneath the surface and coming to the forefront during the game of gin rummy. The interactions between the characters are filled with conflict and resentment.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting goals and dynamics between the characters that create tension and drive the narrative forward.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in terms of the emotional impact on the characters and the potential consequences of their actions and interactions. The tensions and conflicts suggest that significant events may unfold in the future.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by establishing key relationships, tensions, and conflicts that will drive the narrative forward. It sets the stage for future developments and reveals important aspects of the characters' dynamics.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting dynamics between the characters and the unexpected actions that drive the narrative forward.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between Evelyn and Percy's differing approaches to the card game and their banter. It challenges Elwood's understanding of his parents' relationship and communication style.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene has a strong emotional impact, evoking feelings of tension, resignation, and melancholy. The interactions between the characters and the setting contribute to the emotional depth of the scene.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the tensions and emotions between the characters. The interactions feel authentic and reveal important aspects of the relationships within the family.

Engagement: 8

This scene is engaging because of the dynamic interactions between the characters and the rich sensory details that immerse the reader in the setting.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and revealing character relationships. The rhythm of the dialogue and actions keeps the reader engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings and descriptions that set the tone and atmosphere.

Structure: 9

The scene follows a clear structure with well-defined character actions and dialogue. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness in conveying the family dynamics.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes the setting and the family dynamics, showcasing Elwood's innocence against the backdrop of adult interactions. However, the transition between the outdoor and indoor settings could be smoother to maintain the flow of the narrative.
  • The dialogue captures the playful teasing between Evelyn and Percy, which adds depth to their relationship. However, some lines could be tightened for clarity and impact. For instance, Percy’s line about Evelyn driving could be more concise to enhance the comedic effect.
  • Elwood's perspective is well-utilized, particularly with the focus on the condensation on the beer can, which symbolizes the fleeting nature of childhood innocence. However, the scene could benefit from more sensory details to immerse the audience further into the environment, such as the sounds of the party or the smells of the food.
  • The character of Hattie is introduced but remains somewhat vague. Providing a brief action or line that highlights her personality could strengthen her presence in the scene. This would help the audience connect with her role in the family dynamic.
  • The pacing of the scene feels slightly uneven, particularly towards the end. The transition from the party atmosphere to the moment of Elwood getting down could be more impactful if it included a brief moment of reflection from Elwood, emphasizing his feelings about the adult world around him.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more sensory details to enhance the atmosphere, such as the sounds of laughter, clinking glasses, or the smell of food, to create a more immersive experience.
  • Tighten the dialogue to make it snappier and more impactful. For example, streamline Percy’s lines to enhance the comedic elements without losing the essence of the character.
  • Introduce Hattie with a specific action or line that showcases her personality, making her a more memorable character in the scene.
  • Incorporate a moment of introspection for Elwood before he gets down from his mother's lap, allowing the audience to connect with his feelings about the adult world and his place within it.
  • Ensure smoother transitions between the outdoor and indoor settings to maintain narrative flow and keep the audience engaged.



Scene 2 - A Christmas Eve Reflection
4 INT. CURTIS HOME - LIVING AREA - 1958 - NIGHT (N3) 4

SOUND of Christmas music on a radio in the background. It’s
Christmas Eve.

ELWOOD POV from where he’s lying on the floor, on a
threadbare patterned carpet, looking up through the branches
of a small spruce pine, moving to get a good view of Hattie.
She hums along to “Santa Claus is Comin’ to Town”, having
noticed that Elwood is watching her.

HATTIE
(humming)
He knows if you’ve been bad or
good, so be good for goodness sake-

She ‘accidentally’ drops an ornament ball that falls through
the branches and toward the POV. It just misses Elwood.

ELWOOD
(startled)
Nanna!

Hattie looks down and smiles and keeps humming.

HATTIE
(humming)
...you better not cry, you better
not pout, I’m tellin’ you why..

SOUND of her humming continues...


5 INT. CURTIS HOME - LIVING AREA - 1958 - DAY (D4) 5

...until overtaken by the SOUND of a roller coaster ride,
children exclaiming. It’s an ad on the radio for the
“FunTown” amusement park.

RADIO AD (O.S.)
This holiday season, try the Crazy
Daisy! Strap into the Atomic Rocket
for a Trip to the Moon!
(MORE)


(CONTINUED)
5 CONTINUED: 5
RADIO AD (O.S.) (CONT'D)
Try your putting skills against Dad
at Goofy Golf! A straight-As report
card gets you in free, to Funtown!

Elwood POV, blurred, up close to black skin, his gaze pulling
back a bit and focusing on the subtle pulsing of a blood
vessel in Hattie’s neck. She is looking off to the left and
light softly outlines her cheek bone.


6 OMITTED 6


7 EXT. PARK PLAYGROUND - TALAHASSEE FL - 1958 - DAY (D5) 7

ELWOOD POV from under a jungle gym in the park playground, on
a GIRL (10) above, sticking her tongue way out and holding it
there. OTHER KIDS, 5 or 6 of them, dart around playing tag.

She turns and looks down at him. Her eyes widen, then she
turns back.

Elwood looks left toward the girl and then right toward a BOY
(8) who holds open a loop on a dangling string. She paws it
away playfully, then sticks out her tongue again.

He gently places the loop around the girl’s tongue, and pulls
it tight without hurting her. Elwood watches the boy then
stick his tongue out and place a loop on the other end of the
string around his own tongue, bringing his face and the
girl’s within a few inches of each other, tied together.

After a beat, Elwood turns in the direction of the boy,
panning quickly across the boy’s face- and then Elwood is up
and running off into the brighter light of the playground.
Genres: ["Drama","Family"]

Summary On Christmas Eve in the Curtis home, Elwood lies on the floor, gazing up at Hattie as she hums a festive tune. A playful moment occurs when Hattie drops an ornament, startling Elwood, who affectionately calls out to her. The scene shifts to the next day at a playground in Tallahassee, where Elwood observes children playing, particularly a girl and a boy engaged in a playful tongue-tying game. The scene captures the warmth of family and the innocence of childhood, ending with Elwood running off into the bright light of the playground, symbolizing freedom and adventure.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Authentic character relationships
  • Nostalgic tone
Weaknesses
  • Lack of significant conflict
  • Limited plot progression

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys a nostalgic and sentimental tone, with strong emotional impact and character development. The design is well-executed, focusing on building relationships and setting a warm atmosphere.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of family, childhood innocence, and holiday memories is well-developed in the scene. It sets the foundation for the story's themes and introduces key relationships and dynamics.

Plot: 8

The plot progresses through character interactions and emotional moments, setting up future developments. While not action-packed, the scene focuses on building relationships and establishing the tone of the story.

Originality: 8

The scene offers a fresh perspective on family dynamics and childhood innocence, with authentic dialogue and actions that feel true to the time period.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-defined and their relationships are portrayed authentically. Elwood's innocence and Hattie's warmth shine through, creating a strong emotional connection with the audience.

Character Changes: 7

While there are no significant character arcs in this scene, the interactions hint at deeper relationships and potential growth for the characters in the future.

Internal Goal: 8

Elwood's internal goal in this scene is to connect with his grandmother, Hattie, and feel a sense of belonging and love within his family.

External Goal: 7

Elwood's external goal is to navigate the dynamics of his family and the world around him, as seen through interactions with his grandmother and other children at the park.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 3

While there is a subtle tension in the background, the scene primarily focuses on warmth and nostalgia, with minimal conflict.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is subtle but present, as Elwood navigates the challenges of family dynamics and interactions with other children.

High Stakes: 2

The stakes are low in this scene, focusing more on emotional connections and character dynamics rather than high drama or conflict.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by establishing key relationships and themes, setting the stage for future developments. It adds depth to the narrative and builds anticipation.

Unpredictability: 6

This scene is somewhat predictable in its focus on family dynamics and childhood innocence, but still holds interest due to the emotional depth of the characters.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the innocence and playfulness of childhood juxtaposed with the harsh realities of the world outside the home.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes a strong emotional response, capturing the warmth and joy of family bonds and childhood innocence. It resonates with the audience on a sentimental level.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is natural and reflective of the characters' personalities. It adds depth to the interactions and helps convey the emotions and themes of the scene.

Engagement: 8

This scene is engaging because of its focus on intimate family moments and the emotional depth of the characters.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a balance of quiet moments and more active interactions that keep the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of the scene is clear and easy to follow, with effective use of visual and auditory cues.

Structure: 9

The scene follows a clear structure and pacing that enhances the emotional impact of the interactions between characters.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the warmth and familial atmosphere of Christmas Eve, establishing a strong emotional connection with the audience through Elwood's perspective. However, the transition from the intimate moment with Hattie to the radio ad feels abrupt. The shift in tone from the cozy, personal interaction to the commercialized excitement of an amusement park could be smoothed out to maintain the emotional flow.
  • The use of Elwood's point of view is a strong choice, allowing the audience to experience the world through his eyes. However, the description of Hattie's features could be expanded to include more sensory details, such as the warmth of her presence or the scent of the Christmas tree, to enhance the intimacy of the moment.
  • The dialogue is minimal, which works well for the scene's tone, but it could benefit from a bit more interaction between Elwood and Hattie. Perhaps a playful exchange or a question from Elwood could deepen their relationship and provide insight into Elwood's character.
  • The transition from the nighttime scene to the daytime radio ad is visually and thematically jarring. While it serves to contrast Elwood's innocent world with the commercialism of the outside world, it may be more effective to introduce the radio ad gradually, perhaps through a fade or a gradual increase in volume, to create a more seamless transition.
  • The imagery of the ornament falling is a nice touch, symbolizing the fragility of childhood and family moments. However, it could be more impactful if it were tied to Elwood's emotional state or a specific memory, adding depth to the scene.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of dialogue between Elwood and Hattie to enhance their relationship and provide more character depth.
  • Smooth the transition between the intimate Christmas scene and the radio ad by introducing the ad gradually, perhaps through a fade-in or a gradual increase in volume.
  • Expand on the sensory details in Elwood's POV to create a richer atmosphere, such as describing the warmth of Hattie's presence or the scent of the Christmas tree.
  • Explore the emotional significance of the ornament drop further, perhaps by linking it to a memory or feeling that Elwood has, to deepen the impact of that moment.
  • Maintain the emotional flow of the scene by ensuring that the transitions between different tones and settings feel cohesive and intentional.



Scene 3 - A Taste of Home
8 INT. RESTAURANT KITCHEN - HOTEL RICHMOND - TALLAHASSEE - 8
1958 - DAY (D6)

Elwood POV from where he’s seated on a stool in a hotel
kitchen that overlooks the dining room, reading a Hardy Boys
mystery. SOUND of staff clanking around, pots and pans,
cutlery, voices as the breakfast shift winds down and they
prep for lunch.

PREP COOK (O.S.)
Got to always look for the pearl.

Elwood looks over the top of the book, toward an older man, a
PREP COOK (60s) sitting at the counter shucking oysters in a
big bucket of ice.



(CONTINUED)
8 CONTINUED: 8

With weathered, scarred hands, he inserts the knife tip into
the hinge of the oyster, and with a quick twist, opens it,
then shucks the oyster’s foot from the shell. He peeks under
it (no pearl) then proffers it to Elwood.

Elwood leans back away from the oyster.

PREP COOK (CONT'D)
What? You don’t want it? You ever
try an oyster? No?

Nearby a lanky DISH WASHER (20s) is rinsing and drying.

PREP COOK (CONT'D)
(to dish washer; still
holding the oyster)
This boy never ate an oyster.

The dish washer turns and snatches it from the Prep Cook.

PREP COOK (CONT'D)
(good-humoredly)
Boyyy!

SOUND of a glass breaking somewhere. Elwood looks out into
the dining room where there are several tables, one with a
white family, and one with a white couple finishing
breakfast.

PREP COOK (CONT'D)
(slurping down an oyster
himself)
Mmmhmh! Bet he never ate something
else neither. Taste like last
night.

The men chuckle.

Elwood sees Hattie in the dining room in her hotel uniform,
coming up from behind a table, placing large pieces of broken
glass on a tray, then picking up a broom and sweeping the
rug, a rug with the same pattern as the one in her living
room at home.

Elwood returns his gaze to the Prep Cook who struggles with
an unyielding oyster, and then slides it to the side.


8A INT. HOTEL ROOM - RICHMOND HOTEL - 1958 - DAY (D7) 8A

Elwood POV from where he’s lying on a hotel bed as a fresh
white bedsheet is tossed in the air above and over him onto
the bed.



(CONTINUED)
8A CONTINUED: 8A

Hattie (O.S.) hums as she goes around the bed tucking it in
with Elwood beneath it. It grows tauter and tauter around
him. Elwood stifles a giggle.

A heavier blanket or comforter is thrown over the sheet.
Elwood giggles in the dark.

HATTIE (O.S.)
(playing)
Hmm. Coulda sworn I heard... Must
be mice.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In the kitchen of the Hotel Richmond, young Elwood observes the Prep Cook shucking oysters and humorously reflects on his own inexperience with food. After declining an oyster, the Dish Washer happily takes it instead. Elwood's thoughts drift to home as he watches Hattie clean up broken glass, leading to a playful interaction where she tucks him into bed and jokingly suggests there might be mice, prompting a giggle from him. The scene captures a light-hearted atmosphere filled with camaraderie and warmth.
Strengths
  • Intimate moments between Elwood and Hattie
  • Authentic portrayal of family dynamics
  • Emotional resonance and nostalgia
Weaknesses
  • Lack of significant plot progression
  • Minimal external conflict

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys a sense of intimacy and nostalgia through the interactions between Elwood and Hattie. The playful tone and reflective sentiment create a warm and engaging atmosphere for the audience.


Story Content

Concept: 8.5

The concept of showcasing a tender moment between Elwood and Hattie is well-executed, providing insight into their relationship and the themes of family and childhood innocence. The scene effectively conveys emotion and nostalgia.

Plot: 7.5

While the scene does not significantly advance the main plot, it serves to develop the characters of Elwood and Hattie, deepening the audience's understanding of their bond and the dynamics within the family.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh perspective on racial tensions and societal norms of the time, with authentic character interactions and dialogue.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Elwood and Hattie are well-developed in this scene, with their relationship portrayed authentically and with depth. The audience gains insight into their personalities and the bond they share.

Character Changes: 7

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the audience gains a deeper understanding of Elwood and Hattie's relationship, which contributes to their overall character development.

Internal Goal: 8

Elwood's internal goal in this scene is to navigate the racial dynamics and social expectations of the time while maintaining his own identity and beliefs.

External Goal: 7

Elwood's external goal is to interact with the staff and navigate the hotel environment without causing any conflict.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 2

There is minimal conflict in the scene, focusing more on the relationship between Elwood and Hattie and the nostalgic moments shared between them.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is subtle but present, adding depth to the character interactions and conflicts.

High Stakes: 3

The stakes are low in this scene, focusing more on the emotional connection between Elwood and Hattie rather than external conflicts or high tension.

Story Forward: 6

The scene does not significantly move the main plot forward but provides important character development for Elwood and Hattie. It adds depth to their relationship and enhances the audience's connection to the characters.

Unpredictability: 7

The scene is unpredictable in its character dynamics and subtle conflicts, keeping the audience intrigued.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the clash between societal norms and personal beliefs, as Elwood is faced with the expectations of trying new things like oysters while also staying true to himself.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking feelings of warmth, nostalgia, and love. The tender moments between Elwood and Hattie resonate with the audience and create a heartfelt connection.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue in the scene is simple yet effective, capturing the playful and intimate interactions between Elwood and Hattie. The dialogue enhances the characterization and emotional impact of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its rich sensory details, authentic character interactions, and subtle tension.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and character development, with a balance of action and dialogue.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to the expected format for a screenplay, with clear scene descriptions and character actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a traditional structure for a character-driven drama, with a clear focus on character interactions and development.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the bustling atmosphere of a restaurant kitchen, providing a vivid backdrop for Elwood's character development. The use of sound, such as clanking pots and pans, immerses the audience in the setting, enhancing the realism of the environment.
  • Elwood's perspective as he observes the interactions between the Prep Cook and the Dish Washer adds a layer of innocence to the scene. However, the dialogue could be more dynamic; while the humor is present, it feels somewhat flat and could benefit from sharper wit or more engaging banter to better reflect the characters' personalities.
  • The transition from the kitchen to the hotel room is visually interesting, but the connection between the two settings could be strengthened. The scene shifts abruptly, and while it serves to show Hattie's nurturing side, it may leave the audience wanting more context about Elwood's feelings regarding the hotel environment versus his home life.
  • Hattie's humming and playful interaction with Elwood in the hotel room is charming, but the scene could delve deeper into Elwood's emotional state. How does he feel about being in the hotel? Is he comforted by Hattie's presence, or does he feel a sense of longing for home? Exploring these emotions could add depth to the scene.
  • The imagery of the broken glass and the rug pattern connecting to Hattie's home creates a nice visual motif, but it could be further emphasized. Perhaps Elwood could have a moment of reflection or a memory triggered by the sight of the rug, enhancing the emotional resonance of the scene.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more lively and engaging dialogue between the Prep Cook and the Dish Washer to enhance the humor and character dynamics. This could involve playful teasing or anecdotes that reveal more about their personalities.
  • Strengthen the emotional connection between Elwood and Hattie by incorporating more of Elwood's internal thoughts or feelings about their relationship and the environment. This could be achieved through voiceover or visual cues that indicate his emotional state.
  • Enhance the transition between the kitchen and the hotel room by including a brief moment where Elwood reflects on the differences between the two settings, perhaps contrasting the chaos of the kitchen with the comfort of Hattie's presence.
  • Explore the significance of the broken glass and the rug pattern further. Perhaps Elwood could have a moment of nostalgia or a flashback that ties these elements to his home life, deepening the audience's understanding of his character.
  • Consider incorporating more sensory details in the hotel room scene, such as the smell of fresh linens or the warmth of the blanket, to create a more immersive experience for the audience.



Scene 4 - A Night of Tension and Comfort
9 INT. CURTIS HOME - HATTIE’S BEDROOM - 1958 - NIGHT (N8) 9

Elwood POV as he pads down the dark upstairs hallway, turning
a corner and peeking through the slit of the door and frame
to Hattie’s bedroom, slowly pushing it open.

He watches Hattie while she sleeps, drawing closer,
fascinated by the shiny tip of a machete blade showing from
under the top rear of her pillow. Elwood inches closer and
closer. He seems to be checking her breathing.

ELWOOD (O.S.)
(softly)
Nanna. (pause) Nanna. (pause, more
loudly) Harriet!

Hattie springs awake in fear, yanking the big machete blade
from under the pillow.

Elwood jolts and retreats, but his gaze remains fixed on
Hattie as she sits upright on the bed.

Hattie realizes it’s Elwood. Falls back, relieved.

HATTIE
El...

She puts the machete down, pulls him into her arms.

HATTIE (CONT'D)
Shhh... I ain’t going nowhere,
baby.


10 OMITTED 10


10A INT. LAUNDRY ROOM - HOTEL RICHMOND - 1958 - DAY (D9) 10A

Elwood POV of Hattie’s strong hand steering an iron across
the wrinkles in a cotton hotel pillowcase on an ironing board
in the laundry room. Hotel towels and sheets are drying on
lines and a large linen cart is already filled with pressed
sheets.

As the steaming iron slowly passes back and forth across his
gaze, Elwood is revealed in the reflection of the chrome
base.


11 INT. CURTIS HOME - HALLWAY/BA THROOM - 1958 - EVENING (E9) 11

Elwood POV as he turns the corner in the hallway, drawn to
the glow of yellow light from the slit of the nearly shut
door of the bathroom.

He stands at the doorway and looks at Hattie submerged in a
hot bath, leaning back relaxing with her face covered by a
wet rag. His gaze pans to rest on the two islands of her
upright knees in the milky, soapy water of the tub. They’re
worn from years of scrubbing floors. He looks back at her
face covered with a wet rag, then back to her knees.

She makes a happy SIGH. A knee sinks into the water.

Elwood turns to leave, careful not to disturb her, his gaze
slowly rotating to the right and out the door.
Genres: ["Drama","Family"]

Summary In Hattie's bedroom during the night of 1958, Elwood quietly approaches to check on her while she sleeps. He notices a machete under her pillow and softly calls her name, startling her awake. Initially frightened, Hattie grabs the machete but quickly calms down upon recognizing Elwood. She reassures him with a warm embrace, expressing her commitment to stay by his side, transforming the moment from tension to comfort.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Intimacy
Weaknesses
  • Lack of plot progression
  • Low conflict level

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys a sense of intimacy and curiosity through the interactions between Elwood and Hattie. The emotional depth and vulnerability portrayed add richness to the characters and their relationship.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring the relationship between Elwood and Hattie through moments of vulnerability and care is compelling and adds depth to the characters. The scene's focus on intimacy and reflection is well-executed.

Plot: 7.5

While the scene does not significantly advance the plot, it provides important insights into the characters' emotions and relationships. The focus on character development enriches the overall narrative.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh approach to showcasing familial relationships and trust through subtle actions and gestures. The authenticity of the characters' dialogue adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The scene effectively develops the characters of Elwood and Hattie, showcasing their emotional depth and the bond between them. Their interactions feel authentic and engaging.

Character Changes: 7

While there is not a significant change in the characters within this scene, it deepens the emotional bond between Elwood and Hattie, showcasing their vulnerability and care for each other.

Internal Goal: 8

Elwood's internal goal in this scene is to connect with Hattie on a deeper level and show his concern for her well-being. This reflects his desire for a sense of family and belonging.

External Goal: 7

Elwood's external goal is to ensure Hattie's safety and comfort, as seen in his actions of checking on her while she sleeps and watching over her in the bathroom.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 3

The scene is low on conflict, focusing more on emotional connection and reflection. The tension comes from the vulnerability and intimacy shared between Elwood and Hattie.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create suspense and challenge the characters' beliefs and actions, keeping the audience engaged.

High Stakes: 2

The stakes in the scene are low, focusing more on emotional connection and character development. The tension arises from the vulnerability and intimacy shared between Elwood and Hattie.

Story Forward: 6

The scene does not propel the main plot forward significantly but adds layers to the characters and their relationships. It provides essential emotional context for the narrative.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected reveal of the machete under Hattie's pillow and the tension between the characters.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the themes of family, trust, and protection. Elwood's actions challenge Hattie's initial fear and showcase his genuine care for her.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking feelings of affection, nostalgia, and curiosity. The tender moments between Elwood and Hattie resonate with the audience and create a sense of intimacy.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue in the scene is minimal but impactful, conveying the emotions and dynamics between Elwood and Hattie. The silence and non-verbal cues also play a significant role in communication.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intimate and suspenseful moments, drawing the audience into the characters' emotions and relationships.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotion, allowing for moments of reflection and connection between the characters.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of the scene effectively conveys the visual and emotional elements, enhancing the reader's immersion in the setting and characters.

Structure: 9

The scene follows a clear and engaging structure, building tension and emotion through the characters' interactions and movements.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes a sense of tension and curiosity through Elwood's perspective as he approaches Hattie's bedroom. The use of Elwood's point of view creates intimacy and allows the audience to connect with his feelings of concern and fascination for his grandmother.
  • The introduction of the machete blade under Hattie's pillow is a striking visual element that adds an unexpected layer of danger and intrigue. It raises questions about Hattie's character and her circumstances, which could be explored further in the narrative.
  • Hattie's reaction to being startled is realistic and relatable, showcasing her protective instincts as she grabs the machete. However, the transition from fear to relief could be more nuanced. A brief moment of hesitation or confusion before she recognizes Elwood could heighten the emotional impact.
  • The dialogue is minimal but effective, with Hattie's reassurance to Elwood ('I ain’t going nowhere, baby') providing a comforting resolution to the tension. However, it might benefit from a bit more context or emotional depth to enhance the connection between the characters.
  • The pacing of the scene is well-structured, building suspense as Elwood approaches Hattie and then quickly resolving it. However, the scene could be enriched by incorporating more sensory details, such as sounds or smells, to immerse the audience further in the environment.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of hesitation or confusion in Hattie's reaction after she wakes up. This could enhance the emotional depth of the scene and make her eventual relief more impactful.
  • Explore the significance of the machete further. Perhaps include a line of dialogue or a flashback that hints at why Hattie keeps it under her pillow, which could add layers to her character and the story.
  • Incorporate more sensory details to create a richer atmosphere. Describe the sounds of the house at night, the warmth of the room, or the smell of Hattie's presence to draw the audience deeper into the scene.
  • Consider expanding Elwood's internal thoughts or feelings as he approaches Hattie. This could provide insight into his character and his relationship with her, making the moment more poignant.
  • If appropriate, you might want to foreshadow future events or themes through this scene. For example, the machete could symbolize protection or fear, hinting at the challenges Elwood and Hattie may face later in the story.



Scene 5 - Silencing Hope
12 EXT. TALLAHASSEE STREET - SIDEWALK - 1965 - DAY (D10) 12

Elwood (POV) up at a store window full of stacked TVs just as
the screens go blank to static, zap to a bar that stretches
out then bounces back to a dot on each before going dark.

SOUND of the busy street and voices of women on the sidewalk
behind Elwood.

WOMAN 1 (O.S.)
(teasing, impressed)
Hattie, don’t you look “mod”!

WOMAN 2 (O.S.)
Nobody gon’ call her grandma!

SOUND of the women chuckling.

WOMAN 1 (O.S.)
Still, I’d be glad to have a
grandson carry my shopping.



(CONTINUED)
12 CONTINUED: 12

A BLACK EMPLOYEE is visible tinkering behind the TVs through
the window, trying to fix the outage.

WOMAN 2 (O.S.)
How’d you raise such a fine boy
Hattie?

HATTIE (O.S.)
Elwood didn’t need much rightin’.
Spends more time reading than
anything else...

WOMAN 1 (O.S.)
You hear what they did in Selma?

Rack focus of POV and Elwood (11-13ish) is reflected in the
window holding his grandmother’s shopping. To the right
Hattie is reflected with two local WOMEN (60s, full-figured).

WOMAN 2 (O.S.)
Mr. Parker tellin’ us not to talk
about political things on the
clock. Said ‘that don’t got nothing
to do with you all.’

HATTIE (O.S.)
Hell if it don’t.

The TVs suddenly light back up. On a screen at the center,
REVEREND DR. MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR. is giving a speech to a
large crowd from the State Capitol of Montgomery, AL. On the
other TVs, images of Black joy, (archival) home movie footage
of children living their lives with their families. The AUDIO
comes in and out, something is still wrong with it.

DR. MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.
...I know you are asking today,
"How long will it take?" (Speak,
sir)... Somebody's asking, "When
will wounded justice...

WOMAN 1 (O.S.)
Long as we working I don’t see how
it makes a difference.

WOMAN 2 (O.S.)
We work hard, too.

HATTIE (O.S.)
Jim Crow ain’t going to just slink
off his wicked self.

In the window reflection, more Black people are visible
walking up to watch the display.


(CONTINUED)
12 CONTINUED: (2) 12

DR. MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.
...Somebody's asking, "When will
the radiant star of hope be plunged
against the nocturnal bosom of this
lonely night, (Speak, speak, speak)
plucked from weary souls with
chains of fear and the manacles of
death?

Through the store window, Elwood sees the WHITE STORE OWNER
come running out of the back room, having noticed what’s
going on. He starts yelling at the Black employee, who then
starts pulling out the plugs of the TVs. As the speech
continues, one by one, the TVs zap off.

DR. MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR. (CONT'D)
...(Yes, sir) How long? Not long,
(Yes, sir) because no lie can live
forever. (Yes, sir) How long? Not
long, (All right. How long?)
because-

White hands at the edge of the window are hurriedly pulling
the cords that bring the curtains together across the window.
Elwood’s reflection comes back into focus, Hattie now
standing beside him, stylish and very put-together.
Genres: ["Drama","Historical"]

Summary On a sidewalk in Tallahassee in 1965, Elwood observes a store window filled with TVs that suddenly go blank. Hattie and other women discuss Elwood's character and the political climate, referencing Selma. A Black employee attempts to fix the TVs, and as they come back on, Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. delivers a powerful speech about justice. However, the white store owner rushes out to silence the broadcast, representing the oppressive forces against the civil rights movement. The scene captures the tension between hope and oppression, ending with Elwood's reflection amidst the chaos.
Strengths
  • Effective use of reflection and juxtaposition
  • Emotional depth of characters
  • Historical context and themes
Weaknesses
  • Subtle plot progression
  • Lack of overt conflict

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively blends personal introspection with broader social issues, creating a poignant and thought-provoking moment.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of juxtaposing personal moments with larger societal issues is powerful and adds depth to the scene.

Plot: 8

The plot progression in this scene is subtle but impactful, focusing more on character reflection and setting the stage for future developments.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh perspective on the Civil Rights Movement, portraying the everyday struggles and resilience of Black characters. The dialogue feels authentic and resonates with the themes of the era.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters are well-developed, with Elwood and Hattie's relationship at the center of the scene. Their interactions reveal layers of emotion and history.

Character Changes: 7

While there is not a significant character change in this scene, it deepens the relationship between Elwood and Hattie, setting the stage for potential growth.

Internal Goal: 8

Elwood's internal goal is to navigate the racial tensions and discrimination he faces in society. This reflects his desire for equality, justice, and freedom from oppression.

External Goal: 7

Elwood's external goal is to help his grandmother with her shopping and witness the events unfolding on the TV screens.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict is more subtle in this scene, focusing on the societal tensions rather than interpersonal conflicts.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the store owner's reaction creating a sense of conflict and danger for the characters. The audience is left uncertain of how the situation will unfold.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are high in terms of the societal issues at play, but the personal stakes are more subtly woven into the scene.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward thematically and emotionally, laying the groundwork for future developments.

Unpredictability: 7

The scene is unpredictable in its portrayal of racial tensions and the unexpected turn of events with the store owner's reaction. The audience is left unsure of how the situation will escalate.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the clash between the oppressive system of Jim Crow laws and the fight for civil rights and equality. This challenges Elwood's beliefs in justice and fairness.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene evokes a strong emotional response through its intimate moments and the weight of the historical context.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is meaningful and reflective of the characters' personalities and the historical context of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its historical context, emotional depth, and the conflict between characters. The dialogue and actions keep the audience invested in the unfolding events.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, leading to a climactic moment with the store owner's reaction. The rhythm of the dialogue and actions enhances the emotional impact.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to the expected style for a historical drama, effectively conveying the visual and auditory elements of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure, with a buildup of tension and conflict leading to a dramatic climax. The formatting effectively conveys the setting and character dynamics.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the tension between the desire for change and the oppressive forces trying to suppress it, particularly through the juxtaposition of Dr. King's speech and the actions of the white store owner. This contrast is powerful and highlights the societal issues at play.
  • The use of Elwood's point of view is a strong choice, allowing the audience to experience the moment through his eyes. However, the scene could benefit from more internal monologue or emotional reaction from Elwood to deepen the audience's connection to his character and the gravity of the situation.
  • The dialogue among the women provides a nice layer of community and camaraderie, but it could be more impactful if it included more personal anecdotes or reflections on how the political climate affects their daily lives. This would enhance the emotional weight of their conversation.
  • The transition from the static TVs to Dr. King's speech is visually striking, but the audio issues mentioned could be clarified. If the audio is cutting in and out, it might be helpful to describe how this affects the women's reactions or Elwood's feelings, adding another layer of tension.
  • The scene ends abruptly with the white store owner pulling the plugs, which is effective in conveying the urgency of the moment. However, it might be beneficial to include a brief moment of reflection from Elwood or Hattie after the TVs go dark, emphasizing the impact of this censorship on them.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief internal thought from Elwood as he watches the TVs, which could provide insight into his feelings about the speech and the political climate, making his character more relatable.
  • Enhance the dialogue among the women by incorporating personal stories or experiences related to the civil rights movement, which would ground their conversation in a more personal context and deepen the emotional resonance.
  • Clarify the audio issues with the TVs by showing how they affect the characters' engagement with the speech. For example, do they lean in closer to hear better, or do they express frustration at the interruptions?
  • After the white store owner pulls the plugs, include a moment where Elwood or Hattie reacts to the censorship, perhaps with a line of dialogue or a physical gesture that conveys their frustration or sadness.
  • Consider using more visual metaphors or imagery to enhance the emotional impact of the scene, such as focusing on Elwood's expression or the reactions of the women as they witness the speech being silenced.



Scene 6 - A Moment of Reflection and Opportunity
13 INT. CURTIS HOME - LIVING AREA - 1965 - DAY (D11) 13

Elwood POV standing in the living room, looking at his arm
stretched out in front of him. He watches intently as his
skin rises into goose pimples, the hairs at attention... then
they recede and the hairs go flat. Elwood adjusts his arm to
find the best angle for the show.


14 OMITTED 14


15 INT. FRENCHTOWN STREET - CITY BUS - 1966 - DAY (D12) 15

Elwood (15ish) POV from where he is seated in a city bus: his
reflection is visible in half of the window frame as he leans
his head against the glass, now a teen.

Through the window, the city sidewalk moves from left to
right. As the bus stops at a traffic light, Elwood lifts his
head, and turns to look out the window. His reflection
disappears and he focuses on THREE BLACK TEENAGE BOYS walking
merrily down the sidewalk. An OLDER WHITE COUPLE are walking
in the opposite direction.



(CONTINUED)
15 CONTINUED: 15

When they are about ten feet from each other, the boys hop
off the sidewalk, letting the white couple pass. They hop
back on the sidewalk after, as if this is totally routine.

Elwood looks backward toward the white couple walking on, as
the bus continues down the road.


16 INT. MARCONI’S TOBACCO - FRENCHTOWN - 1966 - DAY (D13) 16

Sound of a radio playing in the background. Elwood POV from
where he is standing by the magazine racks in Marconi’s
Tobacco Shop, reading a comic.

Up front, MR. MARCONI (50s, Italian) banters with his WIFE
who is somewhere O.S. in the back, as he arranges his stock
of cigars. The shop is otherwise simple, penny candies,
newspapers, dry goods.

MRS. MARCONI (O.S.)
Again with the cigar boxes, Mr.
Marconi?

MR. MARCONI (O.S.)
Cuban puros are embargoed, Mrs.
Marconi, I have to do something to
attract the eye. (approaching
Elwood) Besides, order and
packaging is important, it excites
the happy part of the human brain.
(to Elwood) Doesn’t it?

Elwood turns to take in Mr. Marconi (squat, with a low
pompadour and thin mustache) standing beside him.

ELWOOD (O.S.)
Sir?

MR. MARCONI
Why you read through all of them
like that, if you’re going to buy
them anyway?

ELWOOD (O.S.)
Just making sure.

Marconi studies him a beat.

MR. MARCONI
You need a job?

Elwood closes the Journey into Mystery that he’s reading.
Genres: ["Drama","Coming-of-age"]

Summary In this introspective scene, Elwood observes his surroundings, highlighting the racial dynamics of 1966 as he watches interactions between Black teenage boys and a white couple. The setting shifts to Marconi's Tobacco Shop, where Elwood reads comics and engages in light banter with Mr. Marconi, who offers him a job. This moment signifies a potential turning point for Elwood, as he navigates his identity and the implications of this new opportunity.
Strengths
  • Authentic character interactions
  • Effective portrayal of Elwood's perspective
  • Engaging visual storytelling
Weaknesses
  • Lack of significant plot progression
  • Low stakes and conflict

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively captures Elwood's perspective and curiosity, providing insight into his character and the world around him. The interactions feel authentic and engaging, drawing the audience into Elwood's experiences.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring Elwood's observations and interactions in everyday settings is compelling and well-executed. It provides depth to his character and sets the stage for potential growth and development.

Plot: 7.5

While the scene doesn't have a traditional plot progression, it serves the important purpose of character development and world-building. The focus on Elwood's experiences enriches the overall narrative.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces unique racial dynamics and societal tensions of the 1960s, providing a fresh perspective on the challenges faced by the protagonist. The dialogue and interactions feel authentic and true to the characters' motivations.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters in the scene, particularly Elwood and Mr. Marconi, are well-defined and engaging. Their interactions feel authentic and contribute to the overall atmosphere of the scene.

Character Changes: 6

While there isn't a significant character change in this scene, it sets the stage for potential growth and development for Elwood as he navigates his observations and interactions.

Internal Goal: 8

Elwood's internal goal in this scene is to navigate the racial dynamics and societal expectations of the time while maintaining his own sense of identity and agency.

External Goal: 7.5

Elwood's external goal is to potentially find a job at Marconi's Tobacco Shop and navigate the adult world.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 4

The scene lacks significant conflict, focusing more on character interactions and observations. The tension is subtle, primarily stemming from the societal dynamics and Elwood's internal reflections.

Opposition: 7.5

The opposition in the scene is moderate, with the racial dynamics and societal expectations providing a challenging backdrop for the protagonist.

High Stakes: 3

The stakes in the scene are relatively low, focusing more on character interactions and observations. The tension comes from subtle societal dynamics and personal reflections.

Story Forward: 7

The scene contributes to the overall narrative by providing insight into Elwood's character and the world around him. While it doesn't propel the plot forward in a traditional sense, it enriches the storytelling.

Unpredictability: 7.5

The scene is somewhat predictable in terms of character interactions and outcomes, but the racial tensions add an element of unpredictability.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the clash between societal expectations and personal integrity. Elwood must navigate the racial dynamics of the time while staying true to himself.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7.5

The scene evokes a sense of nostalgia and introspection, resonating with the audience on an emotional level. Elwood's innocence and curiosity are endearing, creating a connection with the viewers.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is natural and serves the purpose of character development and interaction. While not overly dramatic, it effectively conveys the relationships between the characters.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to the detailed descriptions, character dynamics, and the underlying tension of the racial dynamics at play.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and character development, enhancing the overall effectiveness of the narrative.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to the expected format for a screenplay, with clear scene headings and character actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with distinct settings and character interactions, contributing to the overall narrative flow.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures Elwood's introspection and the transition from childhood to adolescence, but it lacks a clear emotional arc. While the physical reactions of Elwood's skin are visually interesting, they don't convey a deeper emotional or thematic significance. The scene could benefit from a stronger connection to Elwood's internal struggles or the societal issues he faces as a young Black man in the 1960s.
  • The dialogue in the tobacco shop feels somewhat disconnected from the previous scene's emotional weight. Mr. Marconi's banter is light-hearted, which contrasts with the more serious undertones of Elwood's experiences. This tonal shift may confuse the audience about the overall mood of the narrative. It would be beneficial to maintain a consistent tone that reflects Elwood's journey.
  • The interactions between Elwood and Mr. Marconi are brief and lack depth. While Mr. Marconi's character is introduced, there is little exploration of his relationship with Elwood or how he fits into the larger narrative. Developing this character further could provide additional layers to Elwood's world and highlight the community dynamics.
  • The scene transitions abruptly from the bus to the tobacco shop without a clear narrative thread connecting them. A smoother transition or a more explicit connection between Elwood's observations on the bus and his subsequent actions in the shop would enhance the flow of the story.
  • The visual elements, such as Elwood's reflection in the bus window, are compelling but could be used more symbolically. For instance, reflecting on his identity or the societal pressures he faces could add depth to the scene. This would help the audience understand Elwood's internal conflict more clearly.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment of reflection for Elwood as he observes the boys on the sidewalk, perhaps contemplating his own place in the world or the societal expectations placed upon him. This could deepen the emotional impact of the scene.
  • Integrate a line of dialogue or an internal monologue that connects Elwood's experiences on the bus with his interactions in the tobacco shop. This could help create a thematic link between the two settings.
  • Expand on Mr. Marconi's character by including a brief backstory or a personal connection to Elwood. This could make their interaction more meaningful and provide insight into the community's dynamics.
  • Enhance the transition between the bus and the tobacco shop by incorporating a visual or auditory cue that ties the two scenes together, such as a sound from the bus that carries over into the shop.
  • Utilize Elwood's physical reactions (goosebumps, etc.) as a metaphor for his emotional state, perhaps linking them to the societal tensions he is beginning to understand. This could create a more cohesive narrative thread throughout the scene.



Scene 7 - A New Beginning
17 INT. LINCOLN H.S. CLASSROOM - TALLAHASSEE (1966) - DAY 17
(D14)

Elwood POV of a few used, scattered pencils on the floor near
his desk. It’s the first day of the semester and a new
teacher, MR. HILL, (late 20s, kind face above a bow tie, scar
over an eye), walks the aisles, handing out black markers.

MR. HILL
The first order of business in my
class will be to strike out all the
bad words they left for you.

Beat.

MR. HILL (CONT'D)
September is the tutorial in the
latest epithets of white youth,
which like hemlines and haircuts
vary from year to year, and are
quite imaginative.

SOUND of a ruffling.

Elwood turns to the right, looking past the person sitting
next to him, over to the textbook of his neighbor’s neighbor,
a BOY who is RUFFLING the edges of a second-hand text book
from the white high school. A series of crude flip-book
drawings animate a lynching: a stick figure with a black face
is being lifted by two other stick figures into a noose. The
boy ruffles it three times, then stops.

STUDENT (O.S.)
Mr. Hill, you a Freedom Rider?

Elwood looks at Mr. Hill.

MR. HILL
Yes, I am.

STUDENT (O.S.)
That how you got that scar over
your eye?

Mr. Hill suddenly leans in- right in front of Elwood- to
speak to the student who asked, the scar visible in CU.
Elwood instinctively shudders backward.

MR. HILL
Nashville. White man slugged me
with a tire iron.




(CONTINUED)
17 CONTINUED: 17

As he withdraws, he hands Elwood a black marker. Elwood
watches Mr. Hill walk back to the front of the class, before
looking down at the book before him: American History.


18 OMITTED 18
Genres: ["Drama","Historical"]

Summary On the first day of the semester at Lincoln High School in 1966, new teacher Mr. Hill introduces himself and emphasizes the importance of addressing derogatory language among students. As he interacts with the class, he shares his experiences as a Freedom Rider, revealing a scar from a past confrontation. Student Elwood observes the dynamics in the classroom, feeling the weight of racial tensions and the crude drawings in a peer's textbook. The scene captures a mix of tension and hope, setting the stage for ongoing discussions about race and identity.
Strengths
  • Strong thematic depth
  • Compelling character dynamics
  • Effective dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development within the scene
  • Potential for more nuanced exploration of racial dynamics

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene effectively captures the historical context and emotional weight of the racial dynamics at play, creating a tense and reflective atmosphere that engages the audience.


Story Content

Concept: 9.5

The concept of exploring racial tensions in a 1960s classroom through the perspective of a scarred teacher is compelling and thought-provoking, offering a nuanced look at the challenges faced by African Americans during that time.

Plot: 9

The plot of the scene revolves around the introduction of Mr. Hill and the immediate confrontation of racial prejudices in the classroom, setting up a strong foundation for future developments.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to exploring racial tensions in a classroom setting, with authentic dialogue and actions that feel true to the time period.


Character Development

Characters: 9.2

The characters in the scene, particularly Mr. Hill and Elwood, are well-defined and engaging, with their interactions revealing layers of complexity and tension. The contrast between Mr. Hill's scarred past and Elwood's observant nature adds depth to the character dynamics.

Character Changes: 9

While there is not a significant character change within the scene itself, the introduction of Mr. Hill and the exploration of racial tensions set the stage for potential character development in future scenes.

Internal Goal: 8

Elwood's internal goal in this scene is to navigate the racial tensions and discrimination he faces in the classroom. It reflects his deeper need for acceptance and safety in a hostile environment.

External Goal: 7

Elwood's external goal is to survive and excel in a racially charged classroom environment. It reflects the immediate challenge of dealing with discrimination and prejudice.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9.3

The scene is filled with conflict, both overt and subtle, as the racial tensions in the classroom come to the forefront, creating a palpable sense of unease and confrontation.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Elwood facing challenges and conflicts that are difficult to overcome, adding depth and complexity to the narrative.

High Stakes: 9

The high stakes in the scene are evident in the racial tensions and prejudices faced by the characters, highlighting the real-world consequences of systemic racism and social injustice.

Story Forward: 9

The scene effectively moves the story forward by introducing a key character, establishing the central conflict, and laying the groundwork for future plot developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it introduces unexpected conflicts and challenges that keep the audience on edge.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the clash between racial equality and discrimination. It challenges Elwood's beliefs in justice and fairness.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes a strong emotional response from the audience, eliciting feelings of tension, concern, and reflection on the injustices depicted.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue in the scene is impactful, with Mr. Hill's responses to the students' questions and the subtle interactions between characters effectively conveying the underlying tensions and conflicts.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it immerses the audience in the tense atmosphere of the classroom and introduces compelling conflicts and characters.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, contributing to its overall effectiveness in conveying the themes and conflicts.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and concise, following the expected format for a screenplay set in a classroom environment.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene effectively sets up the conflict and tension, following the expected format for a dramatic scene in this genre.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes the setting of a high school classroom in 1966, immediately immersing the audience in the historical context. Mr. Hill's character is introduced with a clear visual description and a hint of his backstory, which adds depth to his role as a teacher and a Freedom Rider. However, the scene could benefit from more sensory details to enhance the atmosphere, such as the sounds of the classroom or the visual clutter of students' desks.
  • The dialogue is engaging and serves to highlight the tension between the students and the societal issues they face. Mr. Hill's comments about derogatory language are timely and relevant, but the transition from his introduction to the crude drawings in the textbook feels abrupt. A smoother transition could help maintain the flow of the scene and emphasize the contrast between Mr. Hill's progressive ideals and the harsh realities represented by the drawings.
  • Elwood's reaction to Mr. Hill's scar is a strong moment that conveys his vulnerability and the weight of the environment around him. However, the scene could further explore Elwood's internal thoughts or feelings during this moment to deepen the audience's connection to his character. This could be achieved through brief internal monologue or visual cues that reflect his emotional state.
  • The use of the crude drawings as a visual element is powerful, but it may be beneficial to provide a bit more context about the boy creating them. This could help the audience understand the dynamics of the classroom and the varying perspectives of the students. Additionally, the boy's actions could be more explicitly tied to Elwood's experience, enhancing the emotional stakes of the scene.
  • The pacing of the scene is generally good, but the beat after Mr. Hill's introduction could be expanded to allow for a more significant reaction from the students. This would help to build tension and anticipation for how the class will respond to Mr. Hill's authority and the topics he introduces.
Suggestions
  • Incorporate more sensory details to create a vivid atmosphere in the classroom, such as sounds, smells, or visual clutter that reflect the chaotic energy of a first-day class.
  • Smooth the transition between Mr. Hill's introduction and the crude drawings by adding a brief moment of silence or a reaction from the students that highlights the tension in the room.
  • Explore Elwood's internal thoughts or feelings during Mr. Hill's introduction and the moment he sees the drawings to deepen the audience's connection to his character.
  • Provide more context about the boy creating the crude drawings to enhance the audience's understanding of the classroom dynamics and the varying perspectives of the students.
  • Expand the beat after Mr. Hill's introduction to allow for a more significant reaction from the students, building tension and anticipation for the class's response to the topics introduced.



Scene 8 - Whimsical Observations in Frenchtown
18A INT. CITY BUS - FRENCHTOWN - 1966 - DAY (D15) 18A

Elwood POV seated in the city bus, Hattie (O.S.) beside him,
reading the Selected Poems of Gwendolyn Brooks. As Hattie’s
hand turns a page, Elwood sees a LITTLE GIRL slide herself
feet first from under their seat forward into the space
between his own shoes, all the way until her face is visible.

ELWOOD (O.S.)
Well, hello. Where’d you come from?

She smiles up at Elwood then starts sliding backward the way
she came.

Elwood bends all the way forward and looks under his seat,
watching the kid slide backwards under other seats, past the
legs and shoes of passengers toward the back of the bus.


19 INT. MARCONI'S TOBACCO SHOP - 1966 - DAY (D16) 19

Elwood POV from a stool in Marconi’s shop, as he looks up to
see TWO WOMEN (30s, one Black, one white in curlers) browsing
the single small aisle. Both are magnificently dressed in big-
patterned dresses.

The white woman is closer to him and the Black woman is a bit
further. They both lean in to take items on opposite sides of
the aisle, creating a balletic synchronization. Both pause
for a moment before returning to their upright browsing
positions and moving on.


20 INT. CURTIS HOME - ELWOOD’S BEDROOM - 1966 - DAY (D17) 20

Elwood POV as he raises his left arm, rotating his shoulder,
attempting to get the best angle to see the hair follicles
stretching from out of his armpit.

His hand twists and pulls this newly discovered hair, then he
moves in close to sniff his armpit, the image blurring. Then
he leans back and reaches for another twist of the new hair
under his arm.


21 EXT. FRENCHTOWN STREET - 1966 - DAY (D18) 21

Elwood POV on the curb of a street near Marconi’s, waiting at
a crosswalk for the light to change. He is looking down at
the untied shoelaces of a LITTLE GIRL in a school dress, who
is holding her MOTHER’S hand ahead of him. The bottom fabric
of the little girl’s dress is blowing in the wind.

As they start walking across the street, Elwood’s shifts to
an older GIRL, SIMONE, who walks on the other side of her
sister. She’s also wearing a dress and his gaze moves from
her backside up to the back of her head.

As Elwood crosses the street behind them, the family walks
faster than he does and pulls away. The older girl looks back
over her shoulder, meeting Elwood’s gaze, smiling
flirtatiously at him.
Genres: ["Drama","Coming-of-age"]

Summary In this whimsical scene set in 1966 Frenchtown, Elwood rides a city bus, where he interacts with a little girl who playfully slides under the seats. He then observes two women in stylish dresses moving in sync at Marconi's Tobacco Shop. Back in his bedroom, he humorously experiments with his newly discovered armpit hair. The scene concludes with Elwood at a crosswalk, noticing a little girl with untied shoelaces and receiving a flirtatious smile from an older girl named Simone as they pass by.
Strengths
  • Effective use of POV
  • Captures innocence and curiosity
  • Nuanced character interactions
Weaknesses
  • Limited plot progression
  • Low external conflict

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys a sense of innocence and curiosity through Elwood's observations and interactions, creating a nostalgic and introspective atmosphere. The transitions between different perspectives and settings add depth to the storytelling.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring innocence and curiosity through Elwood's observations is well-executed, providing a nuanced look at the character's development and the contrast between childhood and adulthood.

Plot: 7.5

While the scene focuses more on character development and atmosphere than plot progression, it sets the stage for Elwood's growth and introduces key themes of innocence and observation.

Originality: 8

The scene offers a fresh approach to character observation and introspection, with authentic dialogue and actions that feel true to the time period and setting.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters, especially Elwood, are well-developed through their interactions and observations, showcasing their individual personalities and perspectives.

Character Changes: 7

Elwood undergoes subtle changes in his perspective and understanding of the world, setting the stage for further character development.

Internal Goal: 8

Elwood's internal goal in this scene is to navigate his own thoughts and feelings as he observes the world around him. This reflects his deeper need for understanding and connection.

External Goal: 7

Elwood's external goal in this scene is to observe and interact with the people around him, particularly the little girl on the bus and the women in Marconi's shop.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 3

The scene focuses more on introspection and observation than on external conflict, highlighting the internal struggles and growth of the characters.

Opposition: 5

The opposition in the scene is subtle, with small obstacles that challenge Elwood's observations and interactions with others.

High Stakes: 2

The stakes are low in this scene, focusing more on character exploration and atmosphere than on high-stakes conflict.

Story Forward: 6

While the scene doesn't significantly advance the plot, it lays the groundwork for future developments and character arcs.

Unpredictability: 6

This scene is unpredictable because it presents ordinary moments in a way that feels fresh and unexpected, keeping the audience engaged.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

There is a subtle philosophical conflict between Elwood's introspective nature and the external world he observes. This challenges his beliefs about himself and his place in society.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a sense of nostalgia and introspection, drawing the audience into Elwood's world and his experiences of innocence and curiosity.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue serves to enhance the interactions and atmosphere of the scene, providing insight into the characters' relationships and dynamics.

Engagement: 8

This scene is engaging because it draws the audience into Elwood's perspective and invites them to observe the world through his eyes.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by allowing moments of reflection and observation to unfold naturally, without feeling rushed.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings and descriptions that set the tone and mood.

Structure: 9

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear transitions between locations and a focus on character observations.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures Elwood's perspective and curiosity, particularly through the use of point-of-view shots that immerse the audience in his experience. However, the transitions between different settings (the bus, the tobacco shop, and Elwood's bedroom) feel somewhat abrupt. A smoother transition could enhance the flow of the narrative.
  • The introduction of the little girl sliding under the bus seat is a charming moment that adds a sense of innocence and playfulness. However, it could benefit from a bit more context or emotional resonance. What does this interaction mean to Elwood? Does it remind him of his own childhood or evoke a sense of nostalgia?
  • The description of the two women in Marconi's Tobacco Shop is visually striking, but it lacks a deeper connection to Elwood's character or the overarching themes of the screenplay. Consider how their synchronized movements could reflect broader societal dynamics or Elwood's own feelings about race and gender.
  • Elwood's experimentation with his armpit hair is a relatable moment of adolescence, but it feels slightly disconnected from the rest of the scene. It might be more impactful if it tied back to his observations of the girls or the women he encounters, reinforcing themes of growing up and self-discovery.
  • The flirtatious interaction with Simone at the crosswalk is a nice touch, adding a layer of complexity to Elwood's character as he navigates his feelings towards girls. However, it could be enhanced by showing more of Elwood's internal thoughts or reactions to this moment, allowing the audience to connect with his emotions.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief internal monologue for Elwood during the bus scene to provide insight into his thoughts and feelings about the little girl and the world around him.
  • Enhance the transitions between the different locations by using visual motifs or thematic elements that connect them, such as a recurring image or sound that ties Elwood's experiences together.
  • Explore the significance of the two women in the tobacco shop further. Perhaps Elwood could reflect on their appearance or how they represent different aspects of femininity or societal expectations.
  • Integrate Elwood's experimentation with his armpit hair more closely with the themes of adolescence and identity. For example, he could compare his physical changes to the girls he observes, deepening the emotional impact of the moment.
  • Expand on the flirtation with Simone by including a moment of hesitation or self-doubt from Elwood, which could add depth to his character and make the interaction feel more meaningful.



Scene 9 - A Step Towards the Future
22 INT. MARCONI'S TOBACCO SHOP - 1966 - DAY (D19) 22

Elwood POV from a short step-ladder near the magazine rack.
He is popping his knuckles and stretching his fingers,
rotating his wrist and flexing his hand while looking at the
darkly grooved life lines in his palm.

On his lap is a pile of magazines. On top, LIFE magazine with
young people his age on the cover, young men’s ties straight
black arrows in the whirl of violence. The curves of the
women’s perfect hairdos float against the squares of the
protest signs. Open above them, his current preoccupation, is
a Marvel comic book, Silver Surfer. He picks it back up and
begins to read just as the bells above the door jingle and
someone enters.

Elwood looks up to see Mr. Hill having a word with Mr.
Marconi. Elwood watches as Mr. Hill approaches with a smile
on his face, no bow-tie, plaid shirt open on his undershirt,
hip sunglasses.

MR. HILL
Hi Elwood. I came to see you.
(beat) Don’t worry, good news.
You know the colored college just
south of Tallahassee- Melvin Griggs
Technical School? They’ve just
opened courses to high-achieving
high school students. I thought of
you right off the bat.

ELWOOD (O.S.)
That sounds great, Mr. Hill. But I
don’t know if we have the money for
classes like that.


(CONTINUED)
22 CONTINUED: 22

MR. HILL
That’s the thing- they’re free.

He hands Elwood a PAMPHLET from the college.

ELWOOD (O.S.)
(looking at it)
They are?

MR. HILL
This fall at least, so word gets
out in the community.

ELWOOD (O.S.)
(with barely contained
excitement)
I’ll have to ask my grandmother-

MR. HILL
You do that, Elwood. And I can talk
to her, too if need be. Main thing
is, it’s perfect for a young man
like you. You’re the type of
student they came up with this for.

Elwood watches Mr. Hill walk out the door...

MR. HILL (CONT'D)
(over his shoulder)
Imagine a textbook with nothing to
cross out.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In Marconi's Tobacco Shop, Elwood sits on a step-ladder, lost in thought while examining his palm lines. Mr. Hill enters with exciting news about a free college program at Melvin Griggs Technical School for high-achieving students. Initially concerned about costs, Elwood's worries are alleviated when Mr. Hill assures him the classes are free, encouraging him to discuss the opportunity with his grandmother. The scene ends on a hopeful note as Mr. Hill leaves, suggesting a bright future for Elwood.
Strengths
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Character development
  • Hopeful tone
Weaknesses
  • Limited conflict
  • Moderate stakes

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively introduces a significant opportunity for the character, setting up potential growth and development. The dialogue is engaging and informative, providing a sense of hope and inspiration for Elwood's future.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of introducing a life-changing opportunity for Elwood adds depth to his character arc and sets up potential conflicts and growth. The scene effectively conveys the importance of education and progress in Elwood's life.

Plot: 8

The plot progression in the scene is significant, as it introduces a new direction for Elwood's story and sets up potential conflicts and challenges. The scene moves the story forward by presenting a key turning point for the character.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh approach to exploring themes of education and opportunity in a historical context. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters, particularly Mr. Hill and Elwood, are well-developed in the scene, with clear motivations and interactions. The introduction of Mr. Hill as a mentor figure adds depth to Elwood's character and sets up a new dynamic in the story.

Character Changes: 7

Elwood experiences a potential shift in his outlook and future prospects due to the opportunity presented to him. The scene sets up a potential change in his trajectory and goals.

Internal Goal: 8

Elwood's internal goal is to pursue educational opportunities despite financial constraints. This reflects his desire for self-improvement and a better future.

External Goal: 7

Elwood's external goal is to explore the opportunity of free courses at Melvin Griggs Technical School. This reflects his immediate circumstances of limited resources and his desire for education.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 4

While there is a potential conflict in Elwood's financial situation, the scene focuses more on the opportunity presented to him rather than immediate conflict. The conflict is more internal, as Elwood considers his options and the impact on his future.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is moderate, with financial constraints and potential family resistance posing challenges to Elwood's goals.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes are moderate in the scene, as Elwood faces a decision about his future education. While the opportunity is significant, the immediate consequences are not life-threatening or extremely high.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing a new direction for Elwood's journey and setting up potential conflicts and challenges. The opportunity presented to Elwood adds depth to the narrative and propels the plot forward.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable in terms of Elwood's decision-making and the potential obstacles he may face in pursuing his educational goals.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict is between the value of education and the barrier of financial constraints. This challenges Elwood's beliefs in the importance of education and his ability to overcome obstacles.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene has a strong emotional impact, as it presents a significant opportunity for Elwood's future. The sense of hope and potential growth evokes a positive emotional response from the audience.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene is engaging and informative, effectively conveying the importance of the opportunity presented to Elwood. The interactions between characters feel authentic and contribute to the emotional impact of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the relatable themes of education and opportunity, as well as the dynamic interactions between characters.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and anticipation as Elwood considers his options and makes decisions about his future.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to the expected format for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear character introductions and dialogue that advances the plot.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures a moment of hope and opportunity for Elwood, showcasing his character's aspirations and the influence of Mr. Hill. However, the dialogue could be more dynamic to enhance the emotional stakes. Currently, it feels somewhat expository, lacking the tension that could arise from Elwood's uncertainty about his future.
  • The visual imagery of Elwood's palm lines and the juxtaposition of the LIFE magazine and the Marvel comic book are strong elements that symbolize his contemplation of life and identity. However, the scene could benefit from deeper exploration of Elwood's internal conflict regarding his aspirations versus his reality. This could be achieved through more internal monologue or visual metaphors.
  • Mr. Hill's character is introduced positively, but there is little tension or conflict in their interaction. Adding a moment where Elwood hesitates or expresses doubt about his abilities or the feasibility of attending the college could create a more engaging dynamic between the characters.
  • The ending line from Mr. Hill about imagining a textbook with nothing to cross out is a clever metaphor for potential and hope. However, it could be strengthened by tying it back to Elwood's personal journey or struggles, making it more impactful. As it stands, it feels slightly disconnected from the emotional core of the scene.
  • The pacing of the scene is generally good, but it could be improved by varying the rhythm of the dialogue. For instance, incorporating pauses or interruptions could heighten the tension and reflect Elwood's internal conflict more effectively.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment of hesitation or doubt from Elwood when Mr. Hill presents the opportunity, which would create a more relatable and layered character. This could involve him questioning whether he is 'good enough' for the program.
  • Enhance the visual storytelling by incorporating more sensory details that reflect Elwood's emotional state, such as his physical reactions to the news or the atmosphere in the shop, which could help ground the scene in his perspective.
  • Introduce a minor conflict or obstacle in the conversation, such as Mr. Hill mentioning potential challenges Elwood might face in pursuing this opportunity, which would add depth to the dialogue and character development.
  • Strengthen the connection between the metaphor of the textbook and Elwood's journey by having Mr. Hill elaborate on what that means for students like Elwood, perhaps referencing his own experiences or struggles.
  • Consider revising the dialogue to include more subtext, allowing the audience to infer Elwood's feelings and thoughts rather than stating them outright. This could create a more engaging and nuanced interaction.



Scene 10 - Routine Oppression
22A EXT. SIDEWALK - TALLAHASSEE - 1966 - DAY (D20) 22A

Elwood POV standing in a line-up of local Black TEEN BOYS
against a wall along the sidewalk. He looks to his right and
downward as the rubber tip of a cane taps the right, then
left, pants pocket of the boy next to the boy next to him.
Then it pokes into the stomach of the boy next to him.

Elwood’s gaze remains fixed on the cane, moving along it and
up to the hand and arm of the OLD WHITE MAN holding it, then
to his face.

A white POLICE OFFICER is standing at an angle behind him,
blurred in the background, arms crossed.

Elwood’s gaze focuses on the cop’s face before swinging down
just in time to see the cane pushing into his own stomach.
Elwood buckles slightly. The old man moves on to the next boy
and Elwood watches as he presses his cane into stomach after
stomach down the line.



(CONTINUED)
22A CONTINUED: 22A

On the last boy, Elwood’s gaze moves from the stomach to the
boy’s face, across the old man’s face and then to the cop,
who stands there matter of factly, an orange soda pop with a
straw in it in his hand, as if this were routine. Elwood’s
gaze holds there, as the other boys now scurry off. The cop
meets his gaze with total ambivalence.


23A OMITTED 23A


23 INT. CURTIS HOME - LIVING AREA - 1966 - DAY (D21) 23

The curtains are partly pulled. Elwood POV from the couch
where he’s lying looking up at the fan wobble on the ceiling
as the light from a small black and white television flickers
in the room. It bounces off a celebratory helium balloon on a
long string that Elwood is tugging rhythmically to prevent
contact with the fan blades. He’s been at this game awhile.

SOUND of a NASA space rocket lifting off, with news
commentary.


24 INT. LINCOLN H.S. - CLASSROOM - 1966 - DAY (D22) 24

Sound of someone RAPPING their knuckles on a desk, creating a
rhythm that stops and starts seemingly without warning. The
bell RINGS. Elwood’s POV of his fellow classmates trickling
into the classroom from recess.

At the front of the room, Mr. Hill is at a portable record
player, studying the liner notes on the cover of an LP of Dr.
King’s 1962 Mount Zion speech, while he tries to drop the
needle on the right place in the speech he wants to play.
This act spontaneously syncs with the rapping on the desk,
stopping and starting as Mr. Hill searches the record.

MR. HILL
(muttering to himself)
Side A, groove 3...

He drops the needle down here and there and Elwood gets just
fragments of it, as the kids continue to enter, including
where Dr. King starts to tell the story of his daughter
longing to visit the amusement park in Atlanta: “Funtown”.




(CONTINUED)
24 CONTINUED: 24

DR. MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.
(from the LP recording)
We must believe in our souls that
we are somebody, that we are
significant, that we are worthful,
and we must walk the street of life
with this sense of dignity and this
sense of somebody-ness.

Suddenly a PENCIL drops from the ceiling right onto the desk
in front of Elwood. The rapping stops. Mildly startled, he
looks to the right, where his CLASSMATE, the one rapping,
looks back in amusement. Elwood looks to the water-stained
ceiling above his desk, which has a patch of pencils stuck in
it from being darted upward.

As students seat themselves in the classroom, Elwood looks to
the front and finds Mr. Hill looking right at him. He smiles.


25 EXT. SIDEWALK - TALLAHASSEE - 1966 - DAY (D22) 25

Elwood POV at a bus stop, looking across the street at a
parked Lincoln with a freshly dry-cleaned suit on a hanger
hung on the outside. Headlights streak across the suit as
cars go by in different directions, making it dance with the
breeze they make. Then it returns to rest.


26 OMITTED 26
Genres: ["Drama","Historical"]

Summary In a tense scene set in Tallahassee in 1966, Elwood and other Black teen boys stand in a line-up as an old white man with a cane inspects them, symbolizing racial oppression. The boys are subjected to the man's probing, while a police officer observes indifferently, highlighting systemic racism. After the inspection, the other boys flee, leaving Elwood to confront the officer's ambivalent gaze, underscoring his vulnerability in a hostile environment.
Strengths
  • Effective portrayal of racial dynamics
  • Emotional depth and impact
  • Authentic character reactions
Weaknesses
  • Minimal dialogue may limit character development in this specific scene

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys the tension and injustice of the era through Elwood's observations and experiences, creating a somber and reflective tone.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of exploring racial discrimination and social norms through Elwood's observations is powerful and thought-provoking, adding layers of depth to the narrative.

Plot: 8

The plot progression in the scene focuses on character development and setting the stage for the challenges Elwood will face, effectively building tension and emotional depth.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh perspective on the theme of racial discrimination and resilience, with authentic character interactions and a nuanced portrayal of societal injustices.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters, especially Elwood, are well-developed and their reactions to the injustices around them add complexity and authenticity to the scene.

Character Changes: 7

While Elwood's character undergoes subtle changes in perception and awareness, the focus is more on the external events shaping his worldview.

Internal Goal: 8

Elwood's internal goal in this scene is to maintain his dignity and sense of self-worth in the face of humiliation and discrimination. It reflects his deeper need for respect and recognition as a human being.

External Goal: 7

Elwood's external goal is to navigate the challenges of racial discrimination and oppression in his community, seeking to find a way to resist and overcome these injustices.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict in the scene is subtle but pervasive, highlighting the systemic injustices and racial tensions present in the characters' lives.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing systemic racism and discrimination that pose significant challenges to his goals and values.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in terms of the racial discrimination and injustices faced by the characters, setting the tone for the challenges they will confront.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by setting up key themes, conflicts, and character dynamics that will drive the narrative forward.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable in its portrayal of the unexpected moments of defiance and resilience amidst a backdrop of oppression and discrimination.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the clash between the belief in the inherent worth and dignity of all individuals, as expressed by Dr. King's speech, and the systemic racism and dehumanization faced by Elwood and other Black boys in the scene.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene evokes a strong emotional response from the audience, particularly through the portrayal of discrimination and injustice faced by the characters.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue is minimal but impactful, conveying the emotions and tensions of the scene effectively.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its compelling character dynamics, emotional depth, and thematic relevance.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotional resonance, enhancing the impact of key moments and character interactions.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to the expected conventions of the screenplay format, enhancing readability and clarity.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a coherent structure that effectively conveys the escalating tension and emotional stakes of the narrative.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the oppressive atmosphere of racial discrimination through the physical inspection of the boys by the old white man and the indifferent police officer. This visual representation of power dynamics is powerful and sets a somber tone.
  • Elwood's perspective is well-utilized, allowing the audience to experience the humiliation and fear he feels during the inspection. The focus on his gaze as it moves from the cane to the faces of the men reinforces his vulnerability and the dehumanizing nature of the encounter.
  • The contrast between the old man's actions and the police officer's casual demeanor, holding a soda pop, highlights the normalization of such oppressive behaviors in society. This juxtaposition effectively critiques systemic racism.
  • However, the scene could benefit from more internal dialogue or emotional reflection from Elwood. While the visual storytelling is strong, adding a layer of Elwood's thoughts could deepen the audience's connection to his character and enhance the emotional impact.
  • The pacing of the scene is steady, but it may feel slightly drawn out for some viewers. Consider tightening the sequence of the cane inspection to maintain tension and urgency, ensuring that the audience remains engaged throughout.
Suggestions
  • Incorporate Elwood's internal thoughts or feelings during the inspection to provide insight into his emotional state. This could be done through voiceover or brief flashbacks that connect his current experience to past traumas or hopes.
  • Consider varying the pacing of the scene by interspersing quicker cuts or reactions from Elwood between the slower moments of the cane inspection. This could heighten the tension and urgency of the moment.
  • Explore the possibility of adding a brief interaction or dialogue between Elwood and one of the other boys in line, which could serve to humanize them and create a sense of camaraderie amidst the oppression.
  • Enhance the sensory details in the scene, such as the sounds of the cane tapping, the murmurs of the boys, or the ambient noise of the street, to create a more immersive experience for the audience.
  • Reflect on the significance of the police officer's presence and consider adding a moment where he acknowledges Elwood or the situation, even if it's just a dismissive glance, to further emphasize the complicity of law enforcement in systemic racism.



Scene 11 - Moments of Change
27 EXT. ABANDONED ELEMENTARY SCHOOL - TALLAHASSEE - 1966 - DAY27
(D23)

Elwood POV looking down at the interlaced legs of two
BROTHERS (teenagers) lying perpendicular to each other on the
floor of a derelict classroom in an abandoned school. They’re
dressed well, wearing ties.

OLDER GUY (O.S.)
We’re breaking the chain reaction
of evil.

Elwood turns and looks at an OLDER GUY standing beside him.
He’s tall, athletic, wearing a pressed shirt and a tie now
loosened in his open collar. The outline of a slate
blackboard is visible on the wall it was pried away from
years ago.




(CONTINUED)
27 CONTINUED: 27

OLDER GUY (CONT'D)
Some of us went here when we were
kids. Before other folks decided to
paint our town red.

Elwood surveys the clusters of young people talking around
the room. The mood is serious.

Two people are listening to static-y transistor radio.

RADIO NEWS (V.O.)
“...so many arrests of Negro
students that the Leon County
Fairgrounds have become an overflow
jail site for the protest that took
place today...”

SOUND of sticks clacking behind Elwood. He turns and sees
protest placards tossed in a pile on the ground, as more
people arrive:

EQUAL TREATMENT UNDER THE LAW

NON-VIOLENCE IS OUR WATCHWORD

ARE YOU THE UGLY AMERICAN ?????

WE SHALL WIN BY LOVE

The Older Guy waves to some other teenagers trickling in from
the protest.

OLDER GUY
Mr. Hill said you might come. We’re
organizing bail, can we count on
you Elwood?

ELWOOD (O.S.)
Uh, yes. I can give half my
paycheck.

OLDER GUY
Glad you felt the need to stand up.

ELWOOD (O.S.)
I’ll be back next week.

He moves off to greet the others. Elwood watches him, his
gaze drifting to an OLDER GIRL (teen, pretty) in a striped
sweater. She cocks her head at him approvingly.


28 EXT. SIDEWALK - TALLAHASSEE - 1966 - DAY (D24) 28

Elwood POV as he walks down the sidewalk. SOUND of a coin
being kicked. He stops and sees a gleam a few feet away. He
walks over, spying a bright copper penny, and bends to pick
it up. When he notices it’s “tails” he hesitates, then picks
it up anyway. He flips it over, surprised to find the other
side is tails, too. He turns it over again, and again. Tails.


28A INT. PHOTO BOOTH - TALLAHASSEE - 1966 - DAY 28A

Elwood POV seated in a photo booth. He looks down at his lap,
then looks leftward to his hand resting on his leg. A teen
girl’s hand reaches over and puts her hand on his. They grasp
each other’s hands. Elwood looks up at Simone, the older girl
who flirted with him on the street, who is smiling at him.
She leans in for a kiss. FLASH! A photo is taken.

Elwood POV as Simone, now seated on his lap turns her head
and looks back over her shoulder at him, gently leaning into
him. FLASH! A photo is taken.


28B EXT. PHOTO BOOTH - TALLAHASSEE - 1966 - DAY 28B

Elwood POV (CLOSE ON) the strip of photos emerging from the
automated slot just outside the photo booth.


28C CREATED ARCHIVAL STILLS 28C

Full screen. The series of photos of Elwood and Simone taken
in the photo booth in various joyful, affectionate poses.
Genres: ["Drama","Historical"]

Summary In an abandoned elementary school in Tallahassee in 1966, Elwood encounters two brothers on the classroom floor and engages with an Older Guy who emphasizes the need to break the cycle of evil. Inspired, Elwood offers to donate half his paycheck for bail related to a protest. He notices an Older Girl, Simone, who seems to approve of him. After finding a unique copper penny, Elwood hesitates but ultimately picks it up, symbolizing his choice to embrace luck and responsibility. The scene shifts to a photo booth where Elwood and Simone share a tender moment, resulting in a series of affectionate photos that capture the juxtaposition of youthful romance against the backdrop of societal conflict.
Strengths
  • Strong character development
  • Emotional resonance
  • Historical context
Weaknesses
  • Limited exploration of other characters' perspectives
  • Potential lack of depth in secondary plotlines

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively combines elements of drama, historical context, and personal growth, creating a compelling and emotionally resonant moment in Elwood's journey.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of Elwood getting involved in a civil rights protest and forming a connection with Simone adds depth to his character and sets up future conflicts and resolutions. The scene effectively explores themes of social justice, personal agency, and courage.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene is crucial in advancing Elwood's character arc and setting up future events in the story. It introduces key conflicts and relationships that will impact the narrative moving forward.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh approach to the civil rights movement by focusing on the personal experiences and motivations of the characters involved. The authenticity of the dialogue and actions adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters in the scene, particularly Elwood and Simone, are well-developed and engaging. Their interactions reveal layers of their personalities and motivations, adding depth to the overall story.

Character Changes: 8

Elwood undergoes significant growth in the scene, transitioning from a passive observer to an active participant in the civil rights movement. His interactions with Simone also hint at a potential shift in his personal life.

Internal Goal: 8

Elwood's internal goal is to stand up for what he believes in and make a difference in the fight for civil rights. This reflects his deeper desire for justice and equality.

External Goal: 7

Elwood's external goal is to participate in organizing bail for protesters and support the civil rights movement. This reflects the immediate challenge of fighting against racial injustice and oppression.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The scene introduces internal and external conflicts for Elwood, including his decision to participate in the protest and his budding relationship with Simone. The tension is palpable, but not yet fully realized.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the conflict between the protesters and the oppressive forces creating uncertainty and tension.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are moderately high in the scene, as Elwood's decision to join the protest and his budding romance with Simone have the potential to impact his future significantly. The risks and rewards are palpable.

Story Forward: 8

The scene propels the story forward by introducing key plot points, character developments, and thematic elements that will shape the narrative trajectory. It sets the stage for future conflicts and resolutions.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in character interactions and the evolving dynamics of the protest movement.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict is between the values of equality, non-violence, and love advocated by the protesters, and the oppressive actions of those in power. This challenges Elwood's beliefs in justice and fairness.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene evokes a strong emotional response from the audience, particularly in Elwood's journey towards activism and his connection with Simone. The themes of hope and courage resonate deeply.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue in the scene is impactful, with meaningful exchanges between characters that drive the emotional and thematic core of the scene. The conversations feel authentic and contribute to the overall tone and mood.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the emotional stakes, the tension of the civil rights movement, and the personal connections between characters.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotional resonance, leading to a satisfying resolution.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene adheres to the expected format for a screenplay set in a historical context, with clear scene descriptions and character actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a dramatic historical setting, with a clear establishment of the setting, character interactions, and thematic development.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the atmosphere of activism and community engagement, showcasing Elwood's involvement in a significant moment. However, the transition from the abandoned school to the photo booth feels abrupt. The connection between the two locations could be strengthened to enhance the narrative flow.
  • The dialogue from the Older Guy is impactful, but it could benefit from more specificity. Instead of general statements about breaking the chain of evil, consider incorporating a personal anecdote or a more vivid description of the protest to ground the audience in the emotional stakes.
  • Elwood's decision to contribute half his paycheck is a strong character moment, but it could be more emotionally resonant. Adding a brief internal monologue or a visual cue that reflects his hesitation or determination would deepen the audience's connection to his character.
  • The introduction of the Older Girl is intriguing, but her role in the scene is underdeveloped. Providing a line of dialogue or a more explicit interaction with Elwood could enhance her significance and create a more dynamic moment.
  • The imagery of the protest placards is powerful, but the scene could benefit from a more vivid description of the environment. Incorporating sensory details—such as sounds, smells, or the feeling of the air—would immerse the audience further into the setting.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment where Elwood reflects on the significance of the protest and what it means for him personally. This could be a voiceover or a visual cue that highlights his internal conflict or motivation.
  • Enhance the dialogue of the Older Guy by including a specific story or example that illustrates the impact of the protest on the community. This would provide context and deepen the emotional weight of his words.
  • To improve the transition to the photo booth scene, consider adding a visual or auditory cue that links the two moments, such as the sound of the protest fading into the background as Elwood walks away.
  • Develop the Older Girl's character by giving her a line that expresses her support for Elwood or the cause, which would create a more engaging interaction and establish a connection between them.
  • Incorporate more sensory details in the description of the abandoned school and the protest atmosphere to create a richer, more immersive experience for the audience.



Scene 12 - A Moment of Pride and Reflection
29 INT. CURTIS HOME - KITCHEN - 1966 - DAY (D25) 29

SOUND of a radio news station in the background.

Elwood POV at the kitchen table, staring at the Melvin Griggs
pamphlet hanging from a magnet that is sliding very slowly
down the front of the fridge.

To his left he can see Hattie talking to a friend on the
phone in the adjoining room, her conversation competing
slightly with the radio.

HATTIE
...I hope it’s a good photograph of
him at least? I’m not reading The
Register, they haven’t said one
right thing about these protests.



(CONTINUED)
29 CONTINUED: 29

She’s looking at The Register as she speaks. Elwood POV
remains focused on the pamphlet succumbing to gravity.

HATTIE (CONT'D)
Has everyone in Leon County gone
crazy? Course I’m proud he was
there! Evelyn’d be proud, too. You
know that theater was showing The
Ugly American and Invaders from
Mars? Now ain’t that something?

Elwood’s gaze slowly leaves the descending pamphlet and tilts
up to a decorative fridge magnet which doesn’t move at all.

Hattie hangs up the phone.

ELWOOD (O.S.)
Nanna, next time I want to do the
civil disobedience part.

She turns and looks at him.

HATTIE
I love you Elwood.

ELWOOD (O.S.)
I love you, too, Nanna.

HATTIE
You hungry?

ELWOOD (O.S.)
No, I’m okay.

She smiles and crosses into the living room. SOUND of her
changing the radio station from news to GOSPEL, “I Love the
Lord, He Heard my Cry”.

The kitchen light flickers a bit.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In the Curtis kitchen in 1966, Elwood is absorbed in a Melvin Griggs pamphlet as his grandmother Hattie discusses his activism over the phone, expressing pride and concern about media coverage of protests. Their loving exchange highlights the warmth of their relationship amidst social unrest. The scene captures a subtle tension with Elwood's desire for civil disobedience and Hattie's mixed feelings about the portrayal of their struggles. It concludes with Hattie changing the radio to gospel music, shifting the atmosphere.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Authentic dialogue
  • Intimate setting
Weaknesses
  • Lack of external conflict
  • Limited plot progression

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys the emotional depth of the relationship between Elwood and Hattie, setting a nostalgic and reflective tone. The dialogue and interactions feel genuine and heartfelt, adding depth to the characters and advancing the plot subtly.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of showcasing a quiet conversation between Elwood and Hattie in the kitchen is effective in highlighting their relationship and the themes of family and social awareness. The scene adds depth to the characters and advances the narrative subtly.

Plot: 8

While the scene doesn't have a traditional plot progression, it serves to deepen the audience's understanding of the characters and their relationships. It subtly hints at the social context of the time and sets the stage for future developments.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh perspective on family dynamics and activism, with authentic dialogue and emotional depth. The characters' actions and dialogue feel genuine and relatable.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The scene focuses on the characters of Elwood and Hattie, showcasing their bond and individual personalities. Elwood's curiosity and affection for his grandmother, Hattie's love and pride for him, are effectively portrayed, adding depth to their characters.

Character Changes: 7

While there isn't a significant character change in this scene, it deepens the audience's understanding of Elwood and Hattie's relationship, setting the stage for potential growth and development in future scenes.

Internal Goal: 8

Elwood's internal goal in this scene is to express his desire to be more involved in civil disobedience and activism, reflecting his deeper need for purpose and meaning in his actions.

External Goal: 7

Elwood's external goal is to connect with his Nanna and express his love for her, reflecting the immediate circumstances of their relationship and the importance of family bonds.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 3

While there is a subtle tension in the background regarding the social context of the time, the scene primarily focuses on the emotional connection between Elwood and Hattie, with minimal conflict between the characters.

Opposition: 6

The opposition in the scene is subtle but present, as Elwood's desire for activism conflicts with Hattie's concerns for his safety and well-being.

High Stakes: 2

The stakes in the scene are relatively low, focusing more on the emotional connection between Elwood and Hattie than on external conflicts or high-risk situations.

Story Forward: 6

The scene doesn't move the main plot forward significantly but adds depth to the characters and relationships, setting the stage for future developments. It provides important context and emotional resonance for the narrative.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting dynamics between Elwood and Hattie, as well as the underlying tensions related to activism and family loyalty.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between societal norms and personal beliefs, as Hattie discusses the protests and Elwood expresses his desire to participate in civil disobedience. This challenges Elwood's values and beliefs about activism and family loyalty.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking feelings of love, nostalgia, and affection. The tender moment shared between Elwood and Hattie resonates with the audience, drawing them into the characters' emotions and relationships.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene is natural and heartfelt, reflecting the close relationship between Elwood and Hattie. It conveys their emotions, thoughts, and concerns subtly, adding layers to their characters and the overall narrative.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its emotional depth and realistic character interactions. The tension between Elwood and Hattie adds intrigue and keeps the audience invested in their relationship.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and emotional depth, with a natural flow of dialogue and character interactions.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a natural progression of events and character interactions, with a clear focus on Elwood's internal and external goals.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures a moment of familial warmth and connection between Elwood and Hattie, which is essential for establishing their relationship. However, the dialogue could be more dynamic. Hattie's conversation about the protests feels somewhat disconnected from Elwood's experience, and it might benefit from more direct interaction between them to enhance emotional resonance.
  • The use of the Melvin Griggs pamphlet as a visual motif is clever, symbolizing Elwood's aspirations and the weight of societal issues. However, the slow descent of the pamphlet could be more impactful if it were tied to Elwood's emotional state or a specific moment of realization, rather than just a passive observation.
  • The background noise of the radio and Hattie's phone conversation creates a layered soundscape, but it might be overwhelming for the audience. Consider simplifying the audio elements to ensure that the focus remains on the characters' interactions and the emotional weight of the scene.
  • The flickering kitchen light at the end serves as a nice visual metaphor for uncertainty or instability, but it could be more explicitly connected to the themes of the scene. Perhaps it could symbolize the flickering hope for change amidst the oppressive atmosphere of the time.
  • The scene's pacing is generally good, but it could benefit from a stronger emotional climax. The moment when Hattie expresses her love for Elwood is sweet, but it feels somewhat abrupt. Building up to this moment with more tension or conflict could enhance its impact.
Suggestions
  • Incorporate more direct dialogue between Elwood and Hattie that reflects their shared experiences and feelings about the protests. This could deepen their connection and provide insight into Elwood's character.
  • Consider using the pamphlet's descent as a metaphor for Elwood's growing awareness of the societal issues around him. Perhaps he could express a desire to take action or share his thoughts on the protests more explicitly.
  • Streamline the audio elements by focusing on one primary sound source at a time, allowing the audience to absorb the emotional weight of the dialogue and the background news without feeling overwhelmed.
  • Enhance the significance of the flickering light by tying it to a specific moment of realization or emotional turmoil for Elwood, reinforcing the themes of hope and uncertainty.
  • Build up to Hattie's declaration of love for Elwood with a moment of tension or conflict, perhaps related to the protests or Elwood's aspirations, to make the emotional exchange feel more earned and impactful.



Scene 13 - Confrontation and Care
30 INT. MARCONI'S TOBACCO SHOP - 1966 - DAY (D26) 30

Sound of a radio in the background.

Elwood POV from the register in Marconi’s. He sees two
neighborhood boys, TITUS and PERLIE, sliding comics under
their shirts.

ELWOOD (O.S.)
Put it back.

The boys stiffen, turn, look at him.



(CONTINUED)
30 CONTINUED: 30

ELWOOD (O.S.) (CONT'D)
(evenly)
Put it back.

Perlie’s expression shifts from shocked to sinister. He
smiles menacingly and nods with this-ain’t-the-end-of-this
certainty.

Mr. Marconi comes out, sizes up the situation. He tilts his
head to indicate “that’s enough”, to Elwood.

The boys return the comics to the shelves and leave,
smoldering as they pass by the register. They slam the door
on their way out. The bells jingle loudly.

MR. MARCONI
Look Elwood... kids take a comic or
a candy today, their friends and
parents spend money in the store
for years.

ELWOOD (O.S.)
So... letting them steal is an
investment?

MR. MARCONI
Way I see it. (taps his temple)
Immigrant perspective.

ELWOOD (O.S.)
Doesn’t that diminish all of us?

MR. MARCONI
Don’t take it personal.


31 EXT. SIDEWALK - TALLAHASSEE - 1966 - NIGHT (N26) 31

Elwood POV walking down the sidewalk in the commercial
district of town, scanning the opposite side of the street.

He keeps turning to look back over his shoulder, then walks
backward a beat, then continues turning right, 180 degrees
then all 360 degrees. Anxious something’s going to happen.

He peers forward and to the left, before recommitting to
looking across the street to the right.

Elwood’s gaze begins to slowly orient forward, looking up the
street more and more, as he abruptly comes to a halt. A large
ALLIGATOR lumbers out from an alleyway, crossing the street
in the light of a street lamp, which flickers, goes dark,
then comes back on with a buzzing sound. Elwood watches the
gator as it lumbers off.


32 INT. CURTIS HOME - LIVING AREA - 1966 - NIGHT (N26) 32

Elwood POV lying on the couch, as Hattie moves into view with
a cloth bag of ice in hand. She peers down at him with a look
of concern, moving his face from side to side.

HATTIE
Ok...shh now. Hold still. They got
you good.

Her jawline tightens, she blinks back a tear, as she puts the
bag of ice over one of his eyes.

ELWOOD (O.S.)
(muffled)
Ow.

The settling cubes sound like bones.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In Marconi's Tobacco Shop, Elwood confronts neighborhood boys Titus and Perlie for attempting to steal comics, insisting they return them. Mr. Marconi, the shop owner, argues that allowing small thefts can foster customer loyalty, which Elwood questions, feeling it undermines integrity. The scene shifts to Elwood's anxious walk down the sidewalk, where he unexpectedly encounters a large alligator. It concludes with Elwood lying on a couch at the Curtis home, where Hattie tends to his injuries, showing her concern for him.
Strengths
  • Effective tension-building
  • Strong character dynamics
  • Thematic depth
  • Emotional resonance
Weaknesses
  • Limited external action
  • Relatively low stakes

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys tension and introspection through the interaction between Elwood, Mr. Marconi, and the neighborhood boys. The use of stolen comics as a metaphor for larger moral dilemmas adds depth to the narrative.


Story Content

Concept: 8.5

The concept of exploring morality, theft, and immigrant perspectives in a dramatic setting is well-executed. The scene effectively integrates these themes into the narrative, adding layers of complexity to the story.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene revolves around the moral dilemma of theft and the internal reflections of Elwood. It moves the story forward by deepening the character dynamics and setting up potential conflicts.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on morality and ethics through the characters' conflicting views on theft and community. The dialogue feels authentic and nuanced, adding originality to the familiar setting.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters in the scene, particularly Elwood and Mr. Marconi, are well-developed and engaging. Their interactions reveal layers of complexity and add depth to the narrative.

Character Changes: 8

Elwood experiences a subtle shift in his perspective and understanding of morality through the interaction with Mr. Marconi and the neighborhood boys. This sets the stage for potential character growth and development.

Internal Goal: 8

Elwood's internal goal in this scene is to uphold his moral values and confront the boys stealing comics, despite the potential consequences. This reflects his deeper need for integrity and justice.

External Goal: 7

Elwood's external goal is to maintain order and prevent theft in the tobacco shop, reflecting the immediate challenge of dealing with the boys' behavior.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The scene contains a moderate level of conflict, primarily centered around the moral dilemma of theft and the tension between Elwood, Mr. Marconi, and the neighborhood boys. This conflict drives the narrative forward and adds intensity to the scene.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting viewpoints and moral dilemmas that challenge the protagonist's beliefs and actions.

High Stakes: 7

While the stakes are not extremely high in this scene, the moral dilemma of theft and the potential consequences for Elwood's character add a sense of urgency and importance to the narrative.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by deepening the thematic exploration, establishing character dynamics, and setting up potential conflicts. It adds layers of complexity to the narrative and sets the stage for future developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable in the boys' reactions to Elwood's confrontation and Mr. Marconi's perspective on theft, adding layers of complexity to the narrative.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between Mr. Marconi's pragmatic view of allowing minor theft for long-term gain and Elwood's belief in honesty and integrity. This challenges Elwood's values and worldview.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene evokes a range of emotions, including tension, concern, anxiety, and introspection. The interactions between the characters and the moral dilemmas presented resonate on an emotional level, engaging the audience.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys tension, emotion, and thematic depth. The exchanges between Elwood, Mr. Marconi, and the neighborhood boys are impactful and reveal insights into the characters.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its moral dilemma, dynamic character interactions, and suspenseful atmosphere. The conflict keeps the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the characters' choices and conflicts.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings and descriptions that enhance the visual storytelling.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with well-paced dialogue and action, effectively building tension and conflict.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the tension between Elwood and the neighborhood boys, showcasing Elwood's moral stance against theft. However, the dialogue could be more dynamic. Elwood's confrontation feels somewhat flat; adding more emotional weight or urgency to his words could enhance the stakes.
  • Mr. Marconi's perspective on theft as an investment is intriguing but could benefit from deeper exploration. His rationale feels somewhat one-dimensional. Providing a brief backstory or a more nuanced explanation of his immigrant perspective could add depth to his character and make the audience empathize with his viewpoint.
  • The transition from the tobacco shop to the sidewalk is visually interesting, but the pacing feels abrupt. The scene could benefit from a smoother transition that allows the audience to digest the confrontation before moving on to Elwood's anxious walk. Perhaps a moment of reflection for Elwood after the boys leave would enhance the emotional impact.
  • The introduction of the alligator serves as a metaphor for Elwood's fears and the unpredictability of his environment. However, the symbolism could be more explicitly tied to Elwood's internal conflict. A brief moment of introspection or a line of dialogue reflecting on the alligator's presence could strengthen this connection.
  • Hattie's concern for Elwood at the end of the scene is a poignant moment, but it feels slightly rushed. Expanding this moment to allow for more dialogue or a deeper emotional exchange could enhance the audience's connection to both characters and the gravity of Elwood's situation.
Suggestions
  • Revise Elwood's dialogue to include more emotional stakes, perhaps by expressing his disappointment or frustration more vividly when confronting the boys.
  • Consider adding a line or two from Mr. Marconi that provides context for his perspective on theft, making him a more complex character.
  • Include a brief moment of reflection for Elwood after the boys leave the shop, allowing the audience to feel the weight of the situation before transitioning to the next scene.
  • Strengthen the metaphor of the alligator by incorporating a line of dialogue or internal monologue from Elwood that connects the alligator's unpredictability to his own fears.
  • Expand the interaction between Elwood and Hattie at the end of the scene to deepen their emotional connection and highlight the impact of Elwood's experiences on his well-being.



Scene 14 - A Ride Interrupted
33 EXT. RURAL ROAD - NEAR TALLAHASSEE - 1966 - DAY - (D27) 33

Bright sun. Elwood POV walking down a country road, looking
to hitch a ride. Two vehicles whiz past. As he walks on, he
continues to glance back, thumb out.

A battered pickup truck with a giant, oversized cross in the
back comes into view going the other way, trailing a rope of
sparks as the weight of the cross forces the tow hitch to
drag against the asphalt.

SOUND of some faint music approaching. He turns and sees an
brilliant emerald ‘65 Chevy Impala.

It slows beside him and RODNEY (30s), stylish in a gray and
purple pinstripe suit, leans toward the window.

RODNEY
Going North.

ELWOOD (O.S.)
(keeping up alongside)
Yes sir.

RODNEY
Where you headed?

ELWOOD (O.S.)
Melvin Griggs Technical College.

RODNEY
Never heard of that one.

The car stops, he opens the passenger door.


34 INT. CHEVY CAR - TALAHASSEE - 1966 - DAY (D27) 34

The emerald vinyl seats squeak as Elwood slides inside. He
shakes Elwood’s hand, the rings on his fingers biting into
Elwood’s.

Elwood puts his satchel between his legs and looks over the
space-age dashboard, all the pushbuttons sticking out of the
silver detailing. Rodney taps at the radio.

RODNEY
This always gives me trouble. Can
you find something else?

Elwood stabs at the buttons, pauses on a Gospel station, then
decides instead on R&B. Rodney nods.

RODNEY (CONT'D)
Good, good. What’s your name?

ELWOOD (O.S.)
Elwood Curtis, sir.

RODNEY
Sir? I like that. You like my
wheels? Just got ‘em. Headed up to
New York to see my lady.

Elwood keeps his eyes down and periodically looks up through
the windshield.

RODNEY (CONT'D)
You ain’t but what, 15 by the look
of you? And already a college boy?

ELWOOD (O.S.)
I’m almost 17, sir.

RODNEY
Still and all... young. (whistles)
You making our race proud, boy.
When I was your age, I worked at a
catfish factory.

The radio plays on. Elwood turns his head and looks out the
right side window as the landscape passes by. He is partially
visible in the side mirror.

Rodney turns up the radio, the deejay rattling off info for a
Sunday swap meet. Then a “Funtown” commercial comes on and
Elwood hums along.

RODNEY (CONT'D)
What’s this?


(CONTINUED)
34 CONTINUED: 34

He exhales loudly and curses, running his hand over his conk.
Elwood can see the red light of a prowl car spinning in the
sideview mirror.

Rodney mutters and pulls over. Elwood pulls his satchel up
onto his lap, unconsciously protecting himself.

RODNEY (CONT'D)
Don’t look back. Keep cool.

ELWOOD (O.S.)
Huh?

RODNEY
You don’t know me, do you?

ELWOOD (O.S.)
No. I mean, we just met.

The cop car parks a few yards behind them. The WHITE DEPUTY
(30s) puts his left hand on his holster and walks up. He
takes off his sunglasses and puts them in his chest pocket.

RODNEY
I’ll tell him that.

Elwood looks at his feet and begins toying nervously with the
leather tie on his satchel, wrapping it around his finger.

ELWOOD (O.S.)
What do you mean?

RODNEY
Shh. Let me handle this.

Elwood watches as the deputy raps on Rodney’s window and
motions for him to roll it down. Only the deputy’s uniform,
utility belt, and holstered revolver are visible now.

A meaty white hand reaches in and twists Rodney by the ear,
pulling him toward the utility belt’s buckle.

DEPUTY (O.S.)
Well looky here. First thing I
thought when they said to keep an
eye out for an emerald turquoise
Impala: only a spook’d steal that.
Genres: ["Drama","Coming-of-age"]

Summary In 1966, Elwood, a young man hitchhiking to college, is picked up by the stylish Rodney in his bright green Chevy Impala. As they drive and share stories, their journey takes a tense turn when a police deputy pulls them over, suspecting Rodney of stealing the car due to racial bias. The encounter reveals underlying prejudices, creating a mix of hopeful anticipation and anxiety as the deputy approaches, culminating in a confrontational moment that highlights the racial tensions of the era.
Strengths
  • Tension-building
  • Character dynamics
  • Realistic dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development for Rodney
  • Slightly predictable outcome

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively builds tension and sets up a significant moment in Elwood's journey. The dialogue and character interactions are compelling, drawing the audience into the unfolding events.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a chance encounter leading to a tense situation is well-executed, highlighting the challenges faced by Elwood as he navigates his aspirations and the realities of the world around him.

Plot: 8.5

The plot progression in this scene is crucial in setting up future events and character development. It introduces conflict and raises the stakes for Elwood, driving the narrative forward.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces fresh elements such as the racial dynamics between the characters and the setting in a rural area, adding authenticity to the dialogue and actions.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters of Elwood and Rodney are well-defined, with their interactions revealing layers of complexity and tension. Their contrasting personalities add depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 8

Elwood undergoes a subtle shift in perspective and maturity during the scene, as he grapples with the realities of the world outside his comfort zone. Rodney's influence leaves a lasting impact.

Internal Goal: 8

Elwood's internal goal in this scene is to navigate a potentially dangerous situation with the police while maintaining his composure and protecting himself.

External Goal: 7

Elwood's external goal is to hitch a ride to Melvin Griggs Technical College.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The level of conflict in the scene is high, with tensions escalating between Elwood, Rodney, and the police. The power dynamics and racial undertones create a sense of unease and suspense.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the arrival of the police officer adding a layer of conflict and uncertainty.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in this scene, as Elwood faces a potentially dangerous situation with the police. His aspirations and future prospects hang in the balance, adding urgency to the narrative.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by introducing new challenges and opportunities for Elwood. It sets the stage for future conflicts and character growth.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected turn of events with the arrival of the police officer and the escalating tension.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around racial tensions and power dynamics, as seen in the interaction between Elwood, Rodney, and the white deputy.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from anxiety to hope, resonating with the audience on a personal and societal level. The characters' vulnerabilities and aspirations are palpable.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is engaging and realistic, reflecting the social dynamics and power struggles of the time period. It effectively conveys the emotions and motivations of the characters.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the suspenseful interaction between the characters and the underlying tension in the dialogue.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings and descriptions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with well-defined character interactions and a gradual build-up of tension.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes a sense of tension and impending danger through the interaction between Elwood and Rodney, particularly with the police deputy's arrival. However, the dialogue could be tightened to enhance the urgency of the moment. For instance, Rodney's casual demeanor contrasts sharply with the seriousness of the situation, which may dilute the tension. Consider making Rodney's dialogue more anxious or defensive to reflect the gravity of being pulled over by a police officer.
  • Elwood's characterization is somewhat passive in this scene. While he is a young boy in a precarious situation, giving him more agency or internal conflict could deepen the audience's connection to him. For example, Elwood could express more concern or fear about the police encounter, which would heighten the stakes and make his character more relatable.
  • The use of visual elements, such as the emerald Impala and the oversized cross in the pickup truck, is strong and adds layers to the scene. However, the significance of these visuals could be further explored. For instance, the cross could symbolize the intersection of faith and oppression, which might be worth mentioning in the dialogue or Elwood's thoughts.
  • The transition from the car ride to the police encounter is abrupt. A smoother transition could be achieved by incorporating Elwood's thoughts or feelings as they drive, which would help build anticipation for the police stop. This could also serve to contrast his initial excitement about the ride with the dread of the impending encounter.
  • The dialogue between Elwood and Rodney feels somewhat expository, particularly when Rodney comments on Elwood's age and education. This could be reworked to feel more natural and less like a setup for the audience. Instead of Rodney stating facts, consider having him ask questions that reveal Elwood's character and background more organically.
Suggestions
  • Revise Rodney's dialogue to reflect a more anxious or defensive tone when the police deputy arrives, enhancing the tension of the scene.
  • Give Elwood more agency by allowing him to express his concerns or fears about the police encounter, making him a more active participant in the scene.
  • Explore the significance of the visuals, such as the oversized cross and the emerald Impala, by incorporating them into the dialogue or Elwood's internal thoughts.
  • Smooth the transition from the car ride to the police stop by including Elwood's thoughts or feelings during the drive, building anticipation for the encounter.
  • Rework the dialogue to feel more natural and less expository, allowing character interactions to reveal background information organically.



Scene 15 - Tangled Emotions
35 INT. CURTIS HOME - ELWOOD’S BEDROOM - 1966 - DAY (D28) 35

Elwood POV, his gaze so still with a dead humming silence
that it feels less like an establishing of an empty room.



(CONTINUED)
35 CONTINUED: 35

His hand comes into view with a tremor, a thin black string
wound around his ring finger, palm facing him, the rest of
his fingers curled into a fist. He stretches the ring finger,
accentuating the tightness of the string. Hattie’s voice is
audible in snatches, from somewhere in the house, on the
phone.

HATTIE (O.S.)
(on a phone, distraught)
I am telling you Sergeant, he
didn’t know the man. (pause) He was
walking. The man pulled up and
offered him a ride. He was heading
off to college. Melvin Griggs
Technical College. (pause) You can
call- (interrupted) I have the
acceptance letter right-
(interrupted). He just got in the
wrong car! Why would he- Sergeant,
he’s smart enough to know that
would be risking throwing his life
away!

He pulls the string tighter with his other hand, then loosens
it, then wraps it all the way to the tip of his finger, even
tighter, making the skin bulge and go pale.

Pain: the only sensation that overrides fear in the face of
incalculable loss.

Elwood continues to look at his finger, trying to bend it,
trying to bring the pad of his fingertip to the palm.


36 INT. CURTIS HOME - DOWNSTAIRS HALLWAY - 1966 - DAY (D29) 36

Elwood POV walking down the hallway to the kitchen in his
pajamas. The radio is on, tuned to GOSPEL music, but the
signal is spotty so there is static interference.

HATTIE (O.S.)
(loudly calling; not the
first time)
Elwood!

Elwood slows his pace and peeks around the corner to see his
grandmother in the midst of a ballet of disoriented
disbelief. Standing in the middle of the cabinet area of
their kitchen, mid-turn, Hattie rotates 180 degrees, and
walks over to a row of cabinets on her left. She bends down
to open one-

HATTIE (CONT'D)
Elwood!


(CONTINUED)
36 CONTINUED: 36

-stopping abruptly as she begins, the cabinet opening only
about four inches. She closes the cabinet, stands straight
up, and walks over to the opposite side of the kitchen to
search another. She doesn’t know what to do with her hands.

HATTIE (CONT'D)
El-wood!

In an eerie way, it seems like she is looking for him in the
cabinets.

Most of the cabinets and drawers in the kitchen are open to
some extent. She crosses to the fridge, distracted, no idea
what she’s doing, losing the order of operations....


37 INT. CURTIS HOME - ELWOOD’S BEDROOM - 1966 - DAY (D30) 37

Elwood POV lying on the bed under the covers looking toward
the window, which seems unusually far away, as if the room
was just slightly... stretching.

Sunlight moves across the room as the earth turns.

HATTIE (O.S.)
(calling from downstairs)
Mr. Hill is by, he wants to see you
before you go!

MR. HILL (O.S.)
(calling out)
Elwood?
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In a somber scene set in the Curtis home, Elwood grapples with emotional pain symbolized by a thin black string wrapped around his finger. Hattie, his distraught grandmother, frantically searches for him in the kitchen while on the phone with a Sergeant, explaining a tragic misunderstanding involving Elwood's friend. As Hattie calls out for him, Elwood lies in bed, feeling distant and detached from the world around him, encapsulating the tension and confusion of their situation.
Strengths
  • Effective portrayal of fear and tension
  • Authentic character emotions
  • Tense atmosphere
Weaknesses
  • Limited external action
  • Reliance on internal monologue

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys a sense of fear, loss, and concern through Elwood's introspective actions and Hattie's distraught behavior. The tension is palpable, and the emotional depth is well portrayed.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of fear, loss, and misunderstanding is central to the scene, and it is executed well through the characters' actions and dialogue. The focus on Elwood's internal turmoil adds depth to the overall narrative.

Plot: 8

The plot progression in the scene revolves around Elwood's fear and Hattie's distress, moving the story forward by highlighting the potential consequences of a misunderstanding. The tension builds effectively.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh perspective on themes of grief and coping with loss, presenting them in a nuanced and realistic manner. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds depth and complexity to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

Elwood's internal struggle and Hattie's distress are portrayed with depth and authenticity, adding layers to their characters. The scene allows for character development and insight into their emotions.

Character Changes: 8

Elwood experiences a shift in his emotional state, moving from curiosity and introspection to fear and anxiety. Hattie also undergoes a change, from confusion to distress and concern.

Internal Goal: 8

Elwood's internal goal in this scene is to cope with the pain and fear of losing someone close to him. His actions of tightening and loosening the string around his finger symbolize his attempt to control his emotions and find a sense of stability amidst chaos.

External Goal: 7

Elwood's external goal is to navigate the confusion and disorientation within his family after a tragic event. He is trying to find his place and role in the midst of the turmoil.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7.5

The conflict in the scene is internal, revolving around Elwood's fear and Hattie's distress. The tension arises from the potential consequences of a misunderstanding, adding to the emotional impact.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create conflict and tension, challenging the characters' beliefs and actions. Elwood's internal struggles and the external chaos within his family provide obstacles that drive the narrative forward.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in the scene, as Elwood faces the possibility of severe consequences due to a misunderstanding. The emotional impact and tension raise the stakes for the characters.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by highlighting the potential consequences of a misunderstanding and setting up future conflicts and developments. It adds depth to the narrative and characters.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the emotional and psychological twists that challenge the characters' beliefs and actions. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how Elwood will respond to the unfolding events.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the themes of loss, grief, and the unpredictability of life. Elwood's beliefs and values are challenged as he grapples with the harsh reality of the situation.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking feelings of fear, loss, and concern in the audience. The characters' emotions are palpable, creating a sense of unease and tension.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the characters' emotions and concerns, adding to the overall tension and atmosphere. The snippets of conversation enhance the sense of fear and unease.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its emotional depth, relatable characters, and the sense of mystery and tension that drives the narrative forward. The audience is drawn into Elwood's internal and external conflicts, eager to see how he navigates through them.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, allowing moments of introspection and emotional resonance to breathe while maintaining a sense of forward momentum. The rhythm of the scene enhances its impact and engagement.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to the expected standards for the genre, with clear scene headings, descriptions, and dialogue formatting that enhance readability and visual storytelling.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a coherent structure that effectively conveys the emotional and narrative beats. The transitions between Elwood's internal and external struggles are well-paced and engaging.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures Elwood's emotional turmoil through the use of visual metaphors, such as the thin black string around his finger, which symbolizes his pain and fear of loss. This is a strong visual choice that conveys his internal struggle without needing excessive dialogue.
  • Hattie's off-screen dialogue adds depth to the scene, providing context about Elwood's situation and the misunderstanding that has occurred. However, the dialogue could be tightened to enhance clarity and impact, as some interruptions may confuse the audience.
  • The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with the juxtaposition of Elwood's stillness and Hattie's frantic search creating a sense of tension. However, the transition between Elwood's internal focus and Hattie's external chaos could be more fluid to maintain engagement.
  • The use of sound, particularly the static interference from the radio, adds to the atmosphere of confusion and distress. This auditory element could be further emphasized to enhance the emotional weight of the scene.
  • The description of Hattie's actions in the kitchen effectively illustrates her disorientation, but it may benefit from more specific details about her expressions or physicality to deepen the audience's connection to her emotional state.
Suggestions
  • Consider refining Hattie's dialogue to make it more concise and impactful. This could involve removing some interruptions or rephrasing her lines for clarity while maintaining the emotional weight.
  • Enhance the transition between Elwood's internal focus and Hattie's frantic search by incorporating more sensory details or physical reactions that connect the two characters' experiences.
  • Explore the possibility of adding a brief moment of silence or stillness after Hattie's call for Elwood, allowing the audience to absorb the tension before the scene shifts back to Elwood's perspective.
  • Incorporate more specific physical descriptions of Hattie's expressions or movements to convey her emotional state more vividly, helping the audience empathize with her distress.
  • Consider using the radio's static as a recurring motif throughout the scene, perhaps allowing it to crescendo during moments of heightened emotion to reinforce the chaos and confusion both characters are experiencing.



Scene 16 - Shadows of Grief
38 EXT. PARK - TALLAHASSEE - 1966 - DAY (D31) 38

Elwood POV sitting on a bench. He stares down at his own
body, slumped with despair. He sees his shadow at an angle on
the ground. The shadow disappears slowly - the light flattens
as clouds pass overhead - and then his shadow reappears as
the sun remerges.


39 OMITTED 39


40 INT. CURTIS HOME - DINING AREA - 1966 - EVENING (E32) 40

Sound of a radio playing Gospel in the background.

Elwood POV as he turns the corner hallway and walks toward
the dining area.



(CONTINUED)
40 CONTINUED: 40

Hattie’s at the dining table, her back toward him, putting
out a large, lopsided, heavily icing-ed cake, made by a
person clearly demented with grief.

HATTIE
(talking to herself)
Act above your station and you will
pay. Act above your station and you
will pay. White lady accused my
daddy. Big, cheerful daddy, walking
to his second job. I’d just waved
to you across the street, going
home from school. Said you didn’t
get outta her way.

She pulls out a large knife and cuts into it, cutting very
large, generous pieces.

HATTIE (CONT'D)
Two days later, still waiting to
see the judge. Hanged in your cell.
God the judge that day. Lord!

Elwood approaches her slowly.

HATTIE (CONT'D)
I ain’t take more than my portion!
White man teach me never to ask for
more crumbs than he wants to give.
Nope, I paid. My daddy paid. My
Monty paid. Paid protecting others
from paying. Percy paid when he
came back. Army don’t protect you
here, Percy. Why? Your portion is
pain.

ELWOOD (O.S.)
Nanna-

She doesn’t appear to hear him.

HATTIE
(shaking her head, loud)
Not Elwood, Lord.

ELWOOD (O.S.)
Nanna, I’ll be back soon.

HATTIE
(focusing; gesturing)
Yeah? Look what Mr. Hill brought
you.




(CONTINUED)
40 CONTINUED: (2) 40

Mr. Hill has left the LP of Dr. King’s 1962 Mount Zion speech
on the table for him.

HATTIE (CONT'D)
Ain’t that nice? ... Sit down, have
some cake with Nanna.

She pushes a plate with a large piece toward him.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In a somber scene set in 1966 Tallahassee, Elwood sits despondently on a park bench, reflecting on his emotional turmoil as he watches his shadow shift with the clouds. The focus shifts to Hattie in the Curtis home, where she prepares a lopsided cake while grappling with her family's pain and the injustices faced by Black individuals. Despite Elwood's attempts to connect, Hattie remains absorbed in her grief until she finally acknowledges him, offering a piece of cake and pointing out an LP of Dr. King's speech left for Elwood by Mr. Hill. The scene captures the weight of historical trauma and the struggle for connection amidst sorrow.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Intimate moments
Weaknesses
  • Limited external conflict
  • Slow pacing

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys a range of emotions, from sadness and grief to love and understanding. The intimate moment between Elwood and Hattie adds depth to their relationship and provides insight into their characters.


Story Content

Concept: 8.5

The concept of exploring grief, love, and support within the context of racial injustice and personal history is compelling. The scene effectively conveys the complexities of the characters' emotions and relationships.

Plot: 8

The plot is advanced through the emotional exchange between Elwood and Hattie, deepening their bond and revealing more about their past and present struggles. The scene adds depth to the overall narrative and character development.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh approach to exploring themes of racial injustice and family trauma, with authentic and compelling character interactions. The dialogue feels authentic and resonant.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Elwood and Hattie are well-developed in this scene, showcasing their emotional depth, vulnerabilities, and the strength of their relationship. The scene highlights their individual struggles and shared experiences.

Character Changes: 8

Both Elwood and Hattie experience emotional growth and vulnerability in the scene, deepening their bond and revealing more about their past traumas. The moment shared between them marks a significant development in their relationship.

Internal Goal: 8

Elwood's internal goal in this scene is to connect with his grandmother, Hattie, and understand the pain and trauma she has experienced. This reflects his deeper need for family connection and empathy.

External Goal: 7

Elwood's external goal in this scene is to comfort his grandmother and show her support. This reflects the immediate challenge of navigating his family's history of racial injustice and trauma.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

While there is emotional conflict and tension in the scene, the primary focus is on internal struggles and personal histories rather than external conflicts. The conflict between past injustices and present relationships adds depth to the narrative.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Hattie's emotional turmoil and Elwood's internal conflict creating tension and uncertainty. The audience is left wondering how the characters will navigate their shared history and trauma.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes in the scene are primarily emotional, centered around the characters' past traumas, grief, and resilience. While there is tension and vulnerability, the scene's focus is on personal growth and connection rather than external conflicts.

Story Forward: 7

While the scene focuses more on character development and emotional depth than plot progression, it adds layers to the narrative by exploring the characters' past traumas and present struggles. The scene sets the stage for future developments in the story.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected emotional revelations and character dynamics that unfold. The audience is kept on their toes by the shifting power dynamics and emotional intensity.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the themes of justice, power, and racial inequality. Hattie's monologue highlights the injustices faced by her family and challenges the protagonist's beliefs about the world.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking feelings of sadness, grief, and love in the audience. The intimate moment between Elwood and Hattie resonates on a deep emotional level, drawing viewers into the characters' experiences.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the emotional weight of the characters' experiences, providing insight into their thoughts and feelings. The exchanges between Elwood and Hattie are poignant and authentic, adding depth to their relationship.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its emotional depth, thematic complexity, and compelling character interactions. The dialogue and descriptive language draw the audience into the world of the characters.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotional depth, allowing the audience to connect with the characters and themes. The rhythm of the dialogue and descriptive language enhances the scene's effectiveness.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and concise, effectively conveying the emotional beats and character dynamics. It follows the expected format for its genre.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene effectively builds tension and emotional depth through the use of descriptive language and character interactions. It follows the expected format for its genre while adding depth to the narrative.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the emotional weight of Hattie's grief and the generational trauma experienced by the characters. The juxtaposition of Elwood's despair with Hattie's monologue about her father's unjust fate creates a poignant moment that highlights the systemic injustices faced by Black families.
  • Hattie's dialogue is rich with historical context and personal pain, but it may benefit from more clarity in certain areas. Some lines, while powerful, could be streamlined to enhance their impact and ensure the audience fully grasps the weight of her experiences without getting lost in the details.
  • The visual imagery of Elwood's shadow disappearing and reappearing serves as a strong metaphor for his emotional state, but it could be further emphasized. Consider incorporating more sensory details or internal thoughts from Elwood to deepen the audience's connection to his feelings of despair and hope.
  • The transition from Elwood's perspective on the park bench to Hattie's monologue in the dining area is somewhat abrupt. A smoother transition could enhance the flow of the scene, perhaps by including a brief moment of Elwood reflecting on his surroundings before entering the home.
  • Hattie's repetitive phrases about 'paying' and 'acting above your station' are impactful but could be varied to avoid redundancy. This would maintain the emotional intensity while keeping the dialogue fresh and engaging.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief internal monologue for Elwood as he observes his shadow, allowing the audience to understand his thoughts and feelings more deeply before he interacts with Hattie.
  • Streamline Hattie's dialogue by focusing on the most impactful lines that convey her grief and the injustices faced by her family. This will help maintain the audience's engagement and ensure clarity.
  • Enhance the transition between Elwood's perspective and Hattie's dialogue by incorporating a moment where Elwood reflects on his feelings or memories before entering the dining area.
  • Introduce more sensory details in the scene, such as the smell of the cake or the sound of the radio, to create a more immersive experience for the audience.
  • Consider varying Hattie's repetitive phrases to maintain emotional intensity while avoiding redundancy, ensuring that each line resonates with the audience.



Scene 17 - Rebellion in the Backseat
41 INT. POLICE CAR - RURAL ROAD - FLORIDA - 1966 - DAY (D33) 41

Elwood POV of a passing Florida landscape, out the backseat
window of a moving Department of Corrections police car.
Light SOUND of a sawing, as through leather.

Elwood turns to glance back into the car from where he’s
seated behind a white Department of Corrections POLICE
OFFICER (40s): a good old boy who’s eating some greasy fried
chicken as he drives. A wire cage divider separates the cop
from the back seat. Elwood’s gaze drifts back out the window.
Light SOUND of sawing continues.

Elwood turns from the window and looks back into the car
again. There are two other teenage boys in the back. WHITE
BOY 1 (eyes punched purple; lips scabbed) is next to him in
the middle back seat, and WHITE BOY 2 (freckles, crewcut red
hair) sits behind the passenger side. The two white boys
ignore him.

The police officer glances in the rearview mirror.

POLICE OFFICER
This a repeat for you, young man?

WHITE BOY 1
I’m “recalcitrant”.

Elwood looks over at the boys.

WHITE BOY 2
Wassat?

He’s holding what looks like a serrated SHARK TOOTH, and he’s
been sawing at the back of the front passenger seat.

WHITE BOY 1
Hell if I’m gonna explain it to
you.

Elwood stifles a grim laugh and looks up at the rearview. The
officer glances at him in the mirror, rolls a chicken bone
around in his mouth, then chucks it out the window.



(CONTINUED)
41 CONTINUED: 41

POLICE OFFICER
You two are sitting next to a
bonafide car thief.

The white boys try not to be impressed.

The officer pulls off the road into a ditch. As the car hits
a BUMP, Elwood’s leg touches White Boy 1’s next to his. He
sees the white boy jerk his leg away, as if electro-shocked.

The officer licks his fingers clean, opens the door and gets
out. Elwood’s gaze follows him as he walks around the front
of the car to the other side to take a piss.

SOUND of a RIPPING. Elwood’s gaze moves to White Boy 2 and
fixates on the deep slash he’s carved into the back of the
front seat with the shark tooth.
Genres: ["Drama","Crime"]

Summary In a 1966 rural Florida police car, teenage Elwood sits with two other boys, one of whom is damaging the front seat with a shark tooth. The police officer driving reveals Elwood's status as a car thief while engaging in casual conversation and eating chicken. Tension simmers as the boys largely ignore Elwood and the officer remains oblivious to their antics. The scene captures a mix of humor and rebellion, culminating in Elwood's fixation on the destruction of the seat as the officer steps out to take a break.
Strengths
  • Tension-filled atmosphere
  • Strong character dynamics
  • Effective use of setting
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development for the other boys in the car

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively creates a tense and menacing atmosphere, with strong character dynamics and a clear sense of conflict.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene, focusing on the experience of confinement and oppression, is well-executed and contributes to the overall tone of the screenplay.

Plot: 8.5

The plot of the scene advances the story by introducing conflict and highlighting the challenges faced by the characters.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces unique characters and situations, such as the use of a shark tooth as a tool for vandalism, and presents authentic dialogue that reflects the characters' personalities and motivations.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters in the scene are well-defined and their interactions effectively convey the themes of fear and oppression.

Character Changes: 8

The scene shows subtle changes in Elwood's demeanor and perception of his situation, setting up potential character development.

Internal Goal: 8

Elwood's internal goal in this scene is to maintain composure and navigate the tense situation he finds himself in. This reflects his need to survive and adapt to challenging circumstances.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to avoid confrontation and stay out of trouble while being transported by the police officer. This reflects the immediate challenge of being in a potentially dangerous situation.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The scene is filled with conflict, both internal and external, which drives the tension and drama.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the potential for conflict and confrontation between the characters, creating uncertainty and tension for the audience.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in the scene, as Elwood faces the threat of confinement and the unknown consequences of his situation.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by introducing new challenges and conflicts for the characters to navigate.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected actions and reactions of the characters, creating a sense of tension and uncertainty about how the situation will escalate.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the clash between authority and rebellion, as represented by the police officer and the teenage boys. This challenges Elwood's beliefs about authority and his own sense of agency.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene evokes a strong emotional response from the audience, particularly feelings of fear and tension.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue in the scene is tense and impactful, contributing to the overall tone and atmosphere.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its tense atmosphere, dynamic character interactions, and subtle moments of conflict that keep the audience invested in the unfolding events.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, with a balance of slower moments of observation and faster-paced moments of action and dialogue.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings, descriptions, and dialogue formatting that enhance readability and visual storytelling.

Structure: 9

The scene follows a clear structure with well-defined character interactions and a progression of events that build tension and conflict effectively.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes a sense of tension and discomfort through Elwood's perspective in the police car. The contrast between the mundane act of eating fried chicken and the serious context of being in a police vehicle creates an unsettling atmosphere.
  • The dialogue among the boys and the police officer reveals character dynamics and social hierarchies, particularly the dismissive attitude of the white boys towards Elwood. However, the dialogue could be sharpened to enhance the distinct voices of each character, making them more memorable.
  • Elwood's internal reactions, such as stifling a laugh, provide insight into his character and coping mechanisms in a tense situation. However, more internal monologue or reflection could deepen the audience's understanding of his emotional state during this encounter.
  • The visual imagery of the shark tooth being used to saw at the seat is a strong metaphor for the boys' rebelliousness and the destructive environment they are in. This could be further emphasized by describing the physicality of the act and its implications more vividly.
  • The scene's pacing is generally effective, but the transition from the police officer's dialogue to the boys' actions could be smoother. The abruptness of the officer's actions and the boys' reactions might benefit from more connective tissue to enhance flow.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more distinct personality traits or quirks to the white boys to differentiate them further and make their interactions with Elwood more engaging.
  • Incorporate Elwood's internal thoughts more prominently to provide a deeper emotional connection for the audience, allowing them to empathize with his situation.
  • Enhance the visual descriptions of the setting and actions, particularly the shark tooth's impact on the seat, to create a more vivid and immersive experience.
  • Refine the dialogue to ensure each character has a unique voice, which will help in establishing their personalities and relationships more clearly.
  • Smooth out the transitions between dialogue and action to maintain a consistent rhythm and flow throughout the scene.



Scene 18 - Arrival at Nickel Academy
42 INT. ADULT ELWOOD’S APARTMENT - NYC - 2018 - DAY (D-FF1) 42

Brightly colored ground penetrating radar (GPR) images of
unmarked graves where bodies have been buried and discovered
with this technology are up on a computer screen. SOUND of a
mouse click and the image changes. Someone [ADULT ELWOOD] is
on a computer looking at these. Click, it changes again.


43 INT. POLICE CAR - NICKEL ACADEMY - MARIANNA FL - 1966 - 43
DAY (D33)

Elwood POV from the back seat of the car as it pulls into the
Nickel Academy school grounds.



POLICE OFFICER
Look lively back there. Welcome to
the famous Nickel Academy.

Not what Elwood imagined. The place is lush green and dotted
with buildings of red brick. It’s a perversion of the college
he was intended for.

The police car drives up the road to the main administration
building with an American flag and a statue, passing a field
where some white boys are scrimmaging and yelping.

WHITE BOY 1
(pleased)
All right.




(CONTINUED)
43 CONTINUED: 43

The car stops outside the building and the officer gets out.
Elwood watches as he opens the side door. The white boys
scooch out. Elwood starts to follow.

POLICE OFFICER
Not yet.

He shuts the door. Elwood observes him hand off the white
boys to a white male school official in a uniform.

The officer gets back in the car and drives Elwood further up
the hill to the other side of the school: same basic look,
but fewer athletic facilities and there are more buildings
purposed for labor. A cement block works, a smokehouse, a
laundry, and a small lone sugar cube of a building known as
the WHITE HOUSE, with rust stains like vines falling across
its white walls. It’s the only building with a patch of uncut
grass encircling it. They pull into a Nickel parking lot.


44 OMITTED 44
Genres: ["Drama","Historical"]

Summary The scene begins with Adult Elwood in his New York City apartment in 2018, analyzing radar images of unmarked graves. It then shifts to 1966, where a police officer drives a young Elwood to Nickel Academy in Marianna, Florida. As they approach, Elwood observes the lush surroundings and contrasting buildings, which do not align with his expectations. The officer stops to let out a group of white boys, whose playful demeanor starkly contrasts with Elwood's apprehension. The scene conveys a sense of unease as Elwood's hopeful outlook is met with the grim reality of the academy, culminating in their arrival at the ominous institution.
Strengths
  • Effective establishment of setting
  • Strong emotional impact
  • Compelling themes of oppression and injustice
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development in this specific scene

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively establishes the oppressive atmosphere of Nickel Academy and sets up the conflict and challenges Elwood will face. The tension and sense of injustice are palpable, creating a strong emotional impact on the audience.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of introducing a new setting and highlighting the challenges faced by Elwood in a segregated institution is compelling. The scene effectively conveys the themes of oppression and injustice, setting the stage for future developments.

Plot: 8.5

The plot of the scene is crucial in establishing the new setting of Nickel Academy and foreshadowing the conflicts and challenges Elwood will encounter. It moves the story forward by introducing key elements that will impact the narrative.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on the theme of education and justice, blending historical elements with contemporary technology. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and contribute to the overall authenticity of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters in the scene, particularly Elwood and the police officer, are well-developed and contribute to the establishment of the oppressive atmosphere at Nickel Academy. Their interactions reveal important dynamics and set the stage for future character growth.

Character Changes: 7

While there are subtle hints at character changes, such as Elwood's realization of the harsh reality of Nickel Academy, the scene primarily focuses on establishing the setting and conflicts. Future scenes are likely to explore deeper character development.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is likely to understand and navigate the new environment he finds himself in at the Nickel Academy. This reflects his deeper need for survival and adaptation in a challenging and unfamiliar situation.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to adjust to the new surroundings and expectations at the Nickel Academy. This reflects the immediate challenge of fitting into a new and potentially hostile environment.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The level of conflict in the scene is high, with the oppressive environment of Nickel Academy and the power dynamics between characters creating intense moments. The conflict sets the stage for future challenges and developments.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to challenge the protagonist's beliefs and expectations, creating conflict and uncertainty about his future at the Nickel Academy.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in the scene as Elwood enters the oppressive environment of Nickel Academy, facing challenges and conflicts that will impact his future. The scene establishes the risks and consequences of his situation.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by introducing Nickel Academy, setting up conflicts, and foreshadowing challenges for Elwood. It propels the narrative towards key developments and character arcs.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because it subverts the protagonist's initial expectations and introduces new challenges and conflicts, keeping the audience invested in the story.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the disparity between the protagonist's expectations of a college-like environment and the harsh reality of the Nickel Academy. This challenges his beliefs about fairness, justice, and education.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene has a strong emotional impact, evoking feelings of sadness, fear, and disillusionment through the portrayal of oppression and injustice. The audience is likely to empathize with Elwood's situation and feel a sense of unease.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the tension and power dynamics between the characters. It enhances the tone of oppression and injustice, adding depth to the interactions and setting.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it immerses the audience in the protagonist's journey, creating tension and intrigue through the contrast between expectations and reality.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, balancing exposition with character development and action. It maintains a steady rhythm that keeps the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene adheres to the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings, descriptions, and dialogue. It enhances the readability and visual impact of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with distinct locations and character interactions. It effectively transitions between time periods and settings, maintaining coherence and momentum.


Critique
  • The scene effectively contrasts Elwood's expectations of Nickel Academy with the harsh reality he faces. The lush greenery and red brick buildings create a deceptive facade that highlights the theme of institutional betrayal. However, the transition from the police car to the academy could benefit from a more vivid description of Elwood's emotional state as he processes this dissonance.
  • The dialogue from the police officer is functional but lacks depth. It serves to introduce the setting but does not provide insight into the officer's character or Elwood's feelings about being welcomed to such a place. Adding a line that reflects the officer's attitude or a hint of sarcasm could enhance the tension.
  • The visual imagery is strong, particularly the description of the 'WHITE HOUSE' with rust stains and uncut grass, which symbolizes neglect and foreboding. However, the scene could be enriched by incorporating more sensory details—sounds, smells, or even the feeling of the car's movement—to immerse the audience further into Elwood's experience.
  • The pacing of the scene feels a bit rushed, especially as Elwood is driven further into the academy. Slowing down the moment when he first sees the academy could allow for a more profound emotional impact, giving the audience time to absorb his reaction to the environment.
  • The transition between the two settings (the police car and the academy) could be smoother. The abrupt cut from the police car to the academy might confuse readers. A brief moment of reflection from Elwood as he arrives could help bridge this gap.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding internal monologue or emotional reactions from Elwood as he sees the academy for the first time. This could help the audience connect with his feelings of confusion and betrayal.
  • Enhance the police officer's dialogue to reflect a more complex character. Perhaps include a line that reveals his own biases or indifference to the situation, adding layers to the narrative.
  • Incorporate more sensory details to create a richer atmosphere. Describe the sounds of the boys playing, the smell of the grass, or the heat of the sun to ground the audience in the scene.
  • Slow down the pacing when Elwood first arrives at the academy. Allow for a moment of silence or a pause in action to emphasize the weight of the moment.
  • Create a smoother transition between the police car and the academy by including a brief moment of Elwood's reflection or a visual cue that signifies the shift in setting.



Scene 19 - Introduction to Authority
44A INT. INTAKE BUILDING - NICKEL ACADEMY - 1966 - DAY (D33) 44A

Elwood POV from where he’s seated in the intake room. It’s a
stark contrast to the well-maintained outside: run-down,
cracked paint, water stained ceilings. The walls are scuffed
and scratched. A COMMANDING MALE VOICE is carrying loudly.

SPENCER (O.S.)
When Trevor Nickel passed the baton
to the current Director Hardee, he
devised four ranks of behavior
here: start as a Grub, work your
way up to Explorer, then Pioneer,
and finally, Ace.

Elwood looks around at the eleven other Black boys, as
MAYNARD SPENCER (50s) writes “Ace” on the chalkboard next to
the other ranks. Spencer is a white man with bits of silver
in his cropped black hair. He wears a fastidious dark blue
Nickel uniform with every crease sharp enough to cut, and a
large ring of keys on his belt.

Spencer turns around, his COLD STEEL EYES now visible under
thick eyebrows. Elwood notices the boys are restless,
shifting in their seats, not knowing what to expect.

SPENCER (CONT'D)
Earn merits for acting right, and
you move on up the ladder.
(MORE)



(CONTINUED)
44A CONTINUED: 44A
SPENCER (CONT'D)
Achieve the highest rank of Ace,
and then you graduate and go home
to your families. (If they’ll have
you, but that’s between y’all.)
(beat) An Ace listens to the house
men and his house father, he does
his work without shirking or
malingering, and he applies himself
to his studies. An Ace does not
roughhouse, he does not cuss, he
does not blaspheme and carry on. He
works to reform himself from
sunrise to sunset. (beat) It’s up
to you how much time you spend with
us. We don’t mess around here with
idiots. It you mess up, we have a
place for you, and you will not
like it. I’ll see to it personally.

He touches the enormous key ring on his belt, and the corners
of his mouth twitch into a smile. He points to a smaller,
rabbit-faced boy, COREY.

SPENCER (CONT'D)
Tell them, Corey, since you’ve come
back for a second taste of Nickel.

COREY
(stuttering VERY badly)
Yes s-s-s-sir.

SPENCER
Why don’t you stand up.

COREY
(standing makes it worse)
You d-d-d-d-d-do-don’-

SPENCER
(nodding)
That’s right.

COREY
(starting again)
You sh-sh-shouldn’t s-s-s-s-s-s-st-
step over the line, in here.

Without looking at him, Spencer gestures for Corey to sit
back down. Then he looks at each boy in turn, takes notes in
his head, and walks out of the room.

The ring of keys on his belt jangles as he walks off down the
hall, like spurs in a western. It’s his signature sound.
Elwood POV looks at the list on the board.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In the intake room of Nickel Academy in 1966, Elwood and eleven other Black boys are introduced to the institution's strict ranking system by Maynard Spencer, a commanding white authority figure. Spencer outlines the four ranks—Grub, Explorer, Pioneer, and Ace—emphasizing the need to earn merits while threatening consequences for misbehavior. He calls on a stuttering boy named Corey to illustrate his point but dismisses him quickly, showcasing his intimidating demeanor. The boys, feeling restless and anxious, absorb the oppressive atmosphere as Spencer establishes control, leaving them in a state of apprehension when he exits, the sound of his jangling keys echoing down the hall.
Strengths
  • Establishes oppressive atmosphere
  • Introduces key conflict and challenges
  • Strong character portrayal of Maynard Spencer
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development in this scene

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively establishes the oppressive atmosphere of the Nickel Academy through the character of Maynard Spencer and the introduction of the ranks and rules. It sets up a strong sense of conflict and tension that will drive the narrative forward.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of introducing the Nickel Academy and its strict hierarchy is crucial for setting up the conflict and challenges that Elwood will encounter. The scene effectively establishes the oppressive nature of the institution.

Plot: 8.5

The plot is advanced significantly in this scene as the rules and ranks of the Nickel Academy are introduced, setting the stage for the challenges Elwood will face. The scene sets up important conflicts and obstacles for the protagonist.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a unique setting and power structure within Nickel Academy, with a focus on the internal and external goals of the protagonist. The dialogue and interactions feel authentic and contribute to the tension and conflict in the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The character of Maynard Spencer is well-developed in this scene, portraying authority and intimidation effectively. The interactions with the boys reveal the power dynamics within the institution.

Character Changes: 7

While there is not a significant character change in this scene, the introduction of the strict rules and hierarchy of the Nickel Academy sets the stage for the challenges Elwood will face, which will likely lead to character development.

Internal Goal: 8

Elwood's internal goal in this scene is to navigate the oppressive environment of Nickel Academy and find a way to survive and potentially escape. This reflects his deeper need for freedom, justice, and dignity.

External Goal: 7

Elwood's external goal in this scene is to understand the rules and expectations of Nickel Academy and figure out how to navigate them to avoid punishment and potentially graduate.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is high, as the strict rules and expectations of the Nickel Academy create tension and foreshadow the challenges Elwood will encounter. The power dynamics between Spencer and the boys add to the conflict.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the oppressive rules and expectations of Nickel Academy posing a significant challenge to the protagonist and other characters. The uncertainty of the consequences adds to the tension and conflict.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in this scene as the strict rules and expectations of the Nickel Academy are established, foreshadowing the challenges and dangers Elwood will face. The consequences of not following the rules are made clear.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by introducing the setting, rules, and challenges of the Nickel Academy. It sets up important conflicts and obstacles for Elwood, driving the narrative forward.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting power dynamics, the introduction of rules and consequences, and the uncertain fate of the characters. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of what will happen next.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between the oppressive rules and expectations of Nickel Academy, represented by Spencer, and the boys' desire for freedom, autonomy, and self-expression. This challenges Elwood's beliefs in justice, equality, and individual rights.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene has a strong emotional impact due to the oppressive atmosphere and the sense of foreboding created by Maynard Spencer. The tension and intimidation evoke strong emotions in the audience.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the strict rules and expectations of the Nickel Academy, as well as the authoritarian nature of Maynard Spencer. The stuttering of Corey adds to the tension and atmosphere.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the tense atmosphere, sharp dialogue, and the introduction of conflict and power dynamics. The reader is drawn into the oppressive world of Nickel Academy and invested in Elwood's journey.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and atmosphere, with a gradual reveal of information and a sense of foreboding. The rhythm of the dialogue and actions contributes to the overall effectiveness of the scene.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings, descriptions, and dialogue formatting. The visual elements are effectively conveyed through the writing.

Structure: 9

The scene follows a clear structure with a setup of the environment, introduction of characters, and establishment of conflict. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the tension and atmosphere of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes the oppressive atmosphere of Nickel Academy through the stark contrast between the outside and inside environments. The description of the intake room with its run-down condition sets a foreboding tone that aligns with Elwood's emotional state.
  • Maynard Spencer's character is introduced with strong visual cues, such as his fastidious uniform and cold steel eyes, which effectively convey his authoritative and intimidating nature. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtlety; Spencer's threats feel overt and could be more nuanced to enhance the tension.
  • The use of Corey as a stuttering boy who is called upon to reinforce Spencer's point adds a layer of vulnerability and highlights the power dynamics at play. However, the scene could explore Corey's character further to evoke more empathy from the audience. His stuttering could be portrayed with more sensitivity, allowing the audience to feel the weight of his fear and anxiety.
  • The dialogue is somewhat expository, particularly in Spencer's lengthy explanation of the ranking system. While it is important to establish the rules of the academy, this could be woven into the action or interactions among the boys to maintain engagement and avoid a lecture-like feel.
  • The scene ends with Spencer walking out, leaving the boys in a state of uncertainty. This is effective in building tension, but it could be enhanced by including a moment of reaction from Elwood or the other boys, allowing the audience to connect more deeply with their emotional responses.
Suggestions
  • Consider tightening Spencer's dialogue to make it more impactful. Instead of lengthy explanations, use shorter, sharper lines that convey his authority and the stakes involved.
  • Add a moment where Elwood or another boy reacts to Spencer's threats, which would provide insight into their emotional state and deepen the audience's connection to the characters.
  • Explore Corey's character further by giving him a brief internal monologue or a flashback that highlights his past experiences at Nickel Academy, which would add depth to his vulnerability.
  • Incorporate more visual storytelling elements, such as the boys' body language or facial expressions, to convey their fear and anxiety without relying solely on dialogue.
  • Consider using sound design to enhance the atmosphere; for example, the jangle of Spencer's keys could be accompanied by a tense score that builds as he delivers his threats, heightening the sense of dread.



Scene 20 - Contrasting Worlds: Elwood's Journey Begins
45 INT. ADULT ELWOOD'S APARTMENT - NYC - 2018 - NIGHT (N-FF2) 45

More GPR images of unmarked graves and their contents on
Adult Elwood’s computer screen. Just enough SOUND of keyboard
and mouse clicking to signal he’s been calling up these
images online, then searching out more information about a
horrific discovery and the start of an exhumation of graves
at the Nickel Academy in Marianna, FL.

From somewhere else in the apartment, his wife MILLIE calls
out in a loving tone.

MILLIE (O.S.)
Hey, babe? You all right? When you
going to give that computer a
break?

ADULT ELWOOD (O.S.)
A few more minutes. You go on ahead
and start without me.



46 OMITTED 46


47 INT. NICKEL ACADEMY - DORMITORY - 1966 - DAY (D33) 47

Elwood POV standing in the dorm room, staring at the floor.

BLAKELEY (O.S.)
That’s you over there.

BLAKELEY (60s, white hair, mirthful eyes, a drinker) is the
House Father of Elwood’s assigned dorm.

Blakeley gestures toward an empty bed beside two boys,
DESMOND (round head, chubby) and a LANKIER BOY. Elwood looks
up in their direction. Three rows of beds stretch over the
blue linoleum, each row with ten beds, each bed with a small
trunk at the foot of it.

All the boys in the room wear a school uniform: denim pants,
gray work shirts which are threadbare, and brown brogues they
must keep polished.

BLAKELEY (CONT'D)
Desmond, show him the ropes.

DESMOND
Yes sir, Mr. Blakeley.




(CONTINUED)
47 CONTINUED: 47

BLAKELEY
(to Elwood)
You know when to say yes sir- which
is always- you’ll be okay.

ELWOOD (O.S.)
Yes sir.

BLAKELEY
(to Desmond)
Don’t think I won’t be watching
you.

Blakeley leaves.

Elwood looks around. Each boy in the dorm takes Elwood’s
measure, some of them conferring quietly with their buddies
and others filing away their appraisals for later.

A large boy, GRIFF, looks like a 30-year old man, but Elwood
knows that’s impossible because they let you out when you
turn 20. Griff walks past another boy, CHICKIE PETE, who has
a bald spot, like he’s been pulling his own hair out, and
smacks him in the back of the head. He continues to his bunk
while staring at Elwood.

Desmond and the lanky boy return to their Negro League
baseball cards. Elwood moves toward his bunk.


48 ARCHIVAL FOOTAGE 48

SILENT. Institutional-style footage of an old reform school
for boys, Deep South. The Black boys are well-dressed and the
classroom is orderly. The “ideal” setting for learning.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary The scene juxtaposes Adult Elwood in his New York City apartment in 2018, deeply engrossed in research about unmarked graves at Nickel Academy, with his introduction to the oppressive environment of the reform school in 1966. As his wife Millie expresses concern for his well-being, the narrative shifts to young Elwood's arrival at Nickel Academy, where he faces intimidation from other boys, particularly Griff. The tension in the dormitory is palpable, contrasting sharply with the warmth of Elwood's home life, and the scene concludes with archival footage that reveals the misleading portrayal of the institution.
Strengths
  • Establishing oppressive atmosphere
  • Creating tension and unease
  • Introducing power dynamics among characters
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development for Elwood in this scene

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively sets the tone for the oppressive atmosphere at the Nickel Academy and establishes the power dynamics among the boys. It creates a sense of unease and tension, drawing the audience into Elwood's experience.


Story Content

Concept: 8.5

The concept of introducing Elwood to the harsh reality of the Nickel Academy through the dormitory setting is compelling and sets the stage for future character development and conflicts.

Plot: 8

The plot progresses as Elwood is introduced to the dormitory and the power dynamics within it, setting up potential conflicts and character arcs. The scene moves the story forward by establishing the oppressive environment of the Nickel Academy.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on the oppressive environment of a reform school, highlighting the protagonist's internal and external struggles with authenticity and depth. The dialogue and interactions between characters feel genuine and contribute to the authenticity of the setting.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters in the scene, particularly Elwood and the other boys in the dormitory, are well-defined and contribute to the establishment of the oppressive atmosphere. The interactions between the characters add depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 7

While Elwood doesn't undergo significant changes in this scene, his introduction to the harsh reality of the Nickel Academy sets the stage for potential character development and growth in future scenes.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to navigate the dangerous and oppressive environment of the reform school while maintaining his sense of self and integrity. Elwood's desire to survive and resist the dehumanizing treatment reflects his deeper need for justice and dignity.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to adapt to the harsh realities of the reform school and establish connections with other boys for survival. Elwood must learn the ropes and navigate the social dynamics of the dormitory to avoid conflict and protect himself.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The level of conflict in the scene is high, as Elwood is introduced to the oppressive environment of the Nickel Academy and the power dynamics within the dormitory. The scene sets up potential conflicts and challenges for the characters.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing challenges from both the oppressive institution and the other boys in the dormitory, creating a sense of danger and uncertainty.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in the scene as Elwood is introduced to the oppressive and challenging environment of the Nickel Academy. The scene sets up potential risks and conflicts that will impact the characters' futures.

Story Forward: 8

The scene effectively moves the story forward by establishing the oppressive environment of the Nickel Academy and setting up potential conflicts and challenges for the characters. It lays the groundwork for future plot developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the power dynamics and tension between characters, as well as the unknown outcomes of the protagonist's interactions with other boys in the dormitory.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the dehumanizing nature of the reform school system and the boys' struggle to maintain their humanity in the face of oppressive authority. Elwood's belief in justice and equality clashes with the institution's oppressive rules and power dynamics.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene has a strong emotional impact, evoking feelings of unease, tension, and intimidation. The audience is drawn into Elwood's experience and feels the weight of the oppressive atmosphere.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the power dynamics and tension among the boys in the dormitory. It adds to the sense of unease and intimidation felt by Elwood.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its detailed descriptions, realistic dialogue, and the introduction of internal and external conflicts that draw the audience into the protagonist's struggle.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, drawing the audience into the protagonist's struggle and setting up the conflicts that will drive the narrative forward.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings, descriptions, and dialogue that enhance the atmosphere and tension of the setting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, effectively setting up the protagonist's internal and external goals, introducing conflict, and building tension.


Critique
  • The scene effectively contrasts Adult Elwood's present-day research with his past experiences at Nickel Academy, creating a poignant connection between the two timelines. However, the transition between the two settings could be more fluid to enhance the emotional impact.
  • The dialogue between Millie and Adult Elwood is brief but serves to highlight his obsession with the past. However, it could benefit from a bit more depth to showcase their relationship dynamics and Millie's concern for Elwood's well-being.
  • Blakeley's introduction is effective in establishing his character as a somewhat jovial yet authoritative figure. However, the dialogue could be sharpened to better reflect the oppressive atmosphere of Nickel Academy, perhaps by incorporating more subtle threats or implications of the harsh realities the boys face.
  • The description of the dormitory setting is vivid, but it could be enhanced by including sensory details that evoke the atmosphere—such as smells, sounds, or the feeling of the space—to immerse the audience further into Elwood's experience.
  • The introduction of Griff as a menacing figure is compelling, but the scene could benefit from a clearer indication of Elwood's internal thoughts or feelings about Griff's intimidating presence, which would deepen the audience's understanding of Elwood's emotional state.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a line of dialogue from Millie that expresses her concern more explicitly, which would help to establish her character and their relationship more clearly.
  • Enhance the transition between Adult Elwood's research and the flashback to Nickel Academy by using a visual or auditory cue that links the two scenes, such as a sound from the computer that echoes into the past.
  • Revise Blakeley's dialogue to include more subtle hints of the oppressive environment, perhaps by having him reference the consequences of disobedience in a joking manner that carries an underlying threat.
  • Incorporate sensory details in the description of the dormitory to create a more immersive experience, such as the smell of sweat or the sound of boys whispering, which would enhance the tension in the scene.
  • Add a brief internal monologue or reaction from Elwood when he first sees Griff, which would provide insight into his feelings of fear or apprehension and help the audience connect with his character on a deeper level.



Scene 21 - Cold Showers and Segregated Games
49 INT. NICKEL ACADEMY - SHOWERS - 1966 - DAY (D34) 49

SOUND of showers, boys’ voices. Elwood POV moving from the
line-up for the showers into place in front of a tile wall.
Blakeley is beside him.

BLAKELEY
You get two minutes.

Elwood turns his head over his shoulder, his gaze roving and
slightly out of focus as he turns from the tile wall he is
facing, to the boys to the rear of him. Everyone’s naked.

BLAKELEY (CONT'D)
You won’t want more.

Blakeley turns the water on. It’s freezing.


(CONTINUED)
49 CONTINUED: 49

ELWOOD (O.S.)
(shivering, heavy
breathing)
Svvv, ahhh...

The blurry shapes of naked boys comes into focus. There are
more than 5, and 3 of them have long scars on their backs.
Others have lumpy lines of scars that look like burn marks.

He’s about to start soaping himself when a hand reaches out
and snatches his soap. Elwood follows the retracting hand,
his gaze moving up to the face of the SHOWER BOY.

BLAKELEY (O.S.)
Give him back his soap!

Another SHOWER BOY 2 tries to take the soap from the first
thief. As he turns his back to Elwood, he displays scars like
scribbles, which causes Elwood to jump back.

The boys tussle over his soap now, and Elwood watches in awe.

BLAKELEY (O.S.) (CONT'D)
(somewhere in the
background)
Knock it off now!


50 EXT. NICKEL ACADEMY - GROUNDS - 1966 - DAY (D35) 50

Elwood POV walking in between some buildings. His gaze is
fixed on the back of the head of the boy just in front of
him, Chickie Pete, the boy with the bald spot, then he shifts
focus to the two other boys ahead of him.

The SOUND of an engine approaching, muffled voices of boys
under it, causes Elwood to look back over his shoulder. He’s
amazed by the sight of a TRACTOR BOY (young teen) driving an
old tractor that pulls a wooden trailer full of boys
returning from hard work in the fields. Tractor Boy looks
serene in his big seat, his charges filthy and sluggish with
fatigue as they jump out.

Elwood keeps walking, then turns around again to look over
his shoulder... There are still, impossibly, boys hopping out
of the back of the trailer.


51 OMITTED 51


52 ARCHIVAL IMAGE 52

SILENT. A black and white still image of boys from the Arthur
G. Dozier School for Boys in Florida (the actual Nickel).

CUT TO:

CU, somewhat blurred, of one of the boy’s faces.

CUT TO:

CU, blurred, of another boy’s eyes, filling the entire frame.

CUT TO:

ECU, blurred, of the iris of the one of the boy’s eyes...


52A ARCHIVAL FOOTAGE 52A

Time-lapse footage from the inside of a railway boxcar, a
flat Florida landscape passes by. The changing sky and
changing landscapes as the train heads North fade to night,
then back to the light of morning.

Cue music.


53 EXT. NICKEL ACADEMY - GROUNDS - 1966 - DAY (D35) 53

Elwood POV outside a building on the Black side of campus,
tracking an object in the sky falling toward earth in the
distance.

Elwood’s gaze follows the object, which we can now make out
is a football, as it heads toward a small group of WHITE
BOYS, on the white side of the Nickel campus down the hill in
a grassy field. The SOUND of the boys playing “500” aka
Jackpot Football starts when they come into view, jockeying
to catch it.

A sturdy black-haired boy, JAIME (Mexican, darker than the
other boys) runs faster than anyone else and catches it
triumphantly.

Just then Spencer appears, walking over to the sideline of
the field with a big black man, EARL (40s, brick house).

As Jaime trots back to the other side of the field with the
ball to take up his position as the new thrower, Spencer
sends Earl from the sideline out to intercept him on the
field. They have a word.




(CONTINUED)
53 CONTINUED: 53

The white boys GROAN as Jaime turns toward them and shrugs.
He kicks the football straight up into the sky with all his
might before walking off the field.

JAIME
Jackpot.

Elwood’s gaze tilts upward to watch the ball as it streaks
upward and carries over to...
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In the showers of Nickel Academy in 1966, Elwood faces the harsh realities of life as he navigates a freezing shower with a strict two-minute limit. Tensions rise when another boy steals his soap, leading to a scuffle that underscores the aggressive environment among the boys. As Elwood observes the scars on his peers, the scene shifts outside, revealing the grueling labor they endure and the stark segregation present, highlighted by a football game among white boys. The emotional tone is tense and somber, reflecting the vulnerability and struggles of the boys at the academy.
Strengths
  • Raw portrayal of vulnerability
  • Intense atmosphere
  • Emotional impact
Weaknesses
  • Minimal dialogue
  • Heavy subject matter

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively captures the harsh and intense atmosphere of Nickel Academy, drawing the audience in with its raw portrayal of the boys' vulnerability and struggles.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of showcasing the vulnerability and struggles of the boys at Nickel Academy is well-executed, drawing the audience into the harsh reality of their situation.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene focuses on the intense and tense atmosphere at Nickel Academy, effectively portraying the struggles and vulnerability of the boys.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces unique elements such as the segregation between Black and White sides of the campus, the use of a tractor to transport boys, and the game of '500' football, which add depth and authenticity to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters in the scene, particularly Elwood and the other boys, are portrayed with depth and vulnerability, effectively conveying their struggles and emotions.

Character Changes: 8

The scene showcases the beginning of character changes, particularly in Elwood, as he navigates the harsh reality of life at Nickel Academy.

Internal Goal: 8

Elwood's internal goal in this scene is to survive and navigate the harsh environment of Nickel Academy while maintaining his sense of self and dignity.

External Goal: 7

Elwood's external goal is to avoid conflict and violence while trying to adapt to the brutal conditions of the reform school.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The scene is filled with internal and external conflicts, showcasing the struggles and vulnerability of the boys at Nickel Academy.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicts and challenges that test the protagonist's resolve and values.

High Stakes: 8

The scene showcases the high stakes faced by the boys at Nickel Academy, highlighting the struggles and vulnerability they experience in a harsh environment.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by delving into the intense atmosphere of Nickel Academy and setting the stage for further developments in the plot.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it introduces unexpected conflicts and challenges for the protagonist, keeping the audience on edge.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the struggle between survival and maintaining one's humanity in a dehumanizing environment. Elwood is faced with the choice of either conforming to the violent norms of the academy or holding onto his own values.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking fear, curiosity, and awe in the audience as they witness the struggles and vulnerability of the boys at Nickel Academy.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue in the scene is minimal but impactful, effectively conveying the tension and vulnerability of the boys at Nickel Academy.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it immerses the audience in the harsh and unforgiving world of Nickel Academy, creating tension and emotional depth.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the story.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings, descriptions, and dialogue.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with well-defined settings, characters, and conflicts, effectively building tension and setting up future developments.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes a sense of vulnerability and tension among the boys in the showers, which is crucial for conveying the oppressive environment of Nickel Academy. However, the dialogue from Blakeley feels somewhat expository and could be more subtle. Instead of directly stating the time limit, consider showing the boys' reactions to the cold water and the urgency of the situation to enhance the emotional impact.
  • The physicality of the boys tussling over the soap is a strong visual element, but it could be further developed to illustrate the power dynamics at play. For instance, Elwood's reaction to the tussle could be more pronounced, showcasing his internal conflict between wanting to fit in and his discomfort with the aggressive behavior.
  • The transition from the shower scene to Elwood walking outside is effective, but the connection between the two moments could be strengthened. Consider using Elwood's thoughts or feelings as he moves from the vulnerability of the shower to the harsh reality of the outside world, creating a more cohesive emotional arc.
  • The archival footage at the end of the scene serves as a powerful reminder of the historical context, but it could be better integrated into the narrative. Instead of a sudden shift to archival images, consider weaving in the visuals more gradually, perhaps through Elwood's memories or reflections as he observes the other boys.
  • The scene's pacing is generally good, but the transition between the shower and the outdoor scene could benefit from a more deliberate rhythm. The abrupt cut to archival footage may disrupt the flow, so consider a smoother transition that maintains the emotional weight of the moment.
Suggestions
  • Revise Blakeley's dialogue to be less direct and more reflective of his character's authority. Perhaps he could make a sarcastic comment about the cold water, which would reveal his personality while still conveying the rules.
  • Deepen Elwood's internal conflict during the tussle over the soap. Show his hesitation or fear, which would highlight his vulnerability and set him apart from the other boys.
  • Enhance the emotional connection between the shower scene and the outdoor scene by incorporating Elwood's thoughts or feelings as he transitions from one environment to the other.
  • Integrate the archival footage more seamlessly into the narrative. Consider using Elwood's perspective to guide the viewer into these historical images, perhaps through a moment of reflection or a memory triggered by the current events.
  • Adjust the pacing of the scene to ensure a smoother transition between the shower and the outdoor setting. Consider using a brief moment of silence or a lingering shot on Elwood's face to emphasize his emotional state before moving to the next scene.



Scene 22 - Isolation in the Dining Hall
54 INT. NICKEL ACADEMY - DINING HALL - 1966 - MORNING (D35B) 54

...Elwood’s POV of an orange rolling around on his tray as he
walks through the mess hall with a bowl of lumpy oatmeal.

The mess hall is loud and rowdy, full of boys serving up
their morning round of nonsense.

He finds an empty seat at one of the long tables. When he
nears, an OLDER BOY AT DINING HALL slaps his hand “saved!” on
the bench.

The next table over is filled with younger kids but when
Elwood puts his tray down they look at him like he’s crazy.

YOUNG BOY AT DINING HALL
Big kids aren’t allowed to sit at
the little kids’ table.

Elwood lowers his eyes and moves off. He sits down quickly at
the next free spot he sees, and to head off rebuke doesn’t
make eye contact. He just looks at the bowl before him, picks
up his spoon and starts to wolf his oatmeal.

CUT TO:

SOMEONE ELSE’S POV of ELWOOD digging dedicatedly into a bowl
of oatmeal with a spoon.

At the table behind Elwood, their backs to him, a few GROWN
MEN are interspersed among the boys, wearing the same Nickel
uniform.

TURNER (O.S.)
You eat that oatmeal like your mama
made it.

ELWOOD
(looking up, prickly)
What?

We are looking at Elwood for the first time, from someone
else’s POV.


(CONTINUED)
54 CONTINUED: 54

TURNER (O.S.)
I ain’t never seen someone eat this
food like that- like they liked it.

ELWOOD
(a beat; considered
response)
Dumped a lot of cinnamon in it.

TURNER (O.S.)
(a beat; also considered)
I’m Turner.

Confirmed. We are in Turner’s POV and are seeing Elwood
clearly for the first time. He carries himself upright, no
trace of slouch, vigilant, taking the measure...

ELWOOD
I’m Elwood. (beat) From
Tallahassee. Frenchtown.

GRIFF (O.S.)
(mimicking; sissy voice)
Frenchtown.

Elwood turns.

CUT TO:

We’re back in Elwood’s POV. There are three of them: GRIFF,
broad chested and hunched like a brown hear, the kid who
looked so mature in the dorm. BLACK MIKE, wiry, restless. He
sits on his hands to keep them from flying off. And a kid
with a patchy mustache and bulldog face.

The seats between are empty: everyone else knows better.

TURNER
I don’t know why you so loud, you
know they got their eye on you this
week.

Griff makes a BARKING noise at Turner. The other two boys
laugh and also start barking.

Turner (16) peels his own orange, ignoring them til they get
bored and turn back to their ‘morning meeting’.

TURNER (CONT'D)
I’m from Houston myself. That’s a
real city. None of this country
shit y’all got up here.




(CONTINUED)
54 CONTINUED: (2) 54

The mess hall is loud with the rumble and roil of juvenile
activity, but this boy bobs in his own pocket of calm.

ELWOOD (O.S.)
(tipping his head toward
the bullies)
Thanks for that.

Turner gets up, picking up his tray.

TURNER
I didn’t do shit.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In the noisy dining hall of Nickel Academy, Elwood struggles to find a place to sit, facing rejection from older boys and mockery from Griff and his friends. Despite the bullying, he shares a brief moment of connection with Turner, who acknowledges Elwood's enthusiasm for his meal while warning him about the hostile environment. The scene captures Elwood's isolation and the power dynamics among the boys, ending with Turner leaving and leaving Elwood to navigate the ongoing tension.
Strengths
  • Strong character dynamics
  • Effective tension-building
  • Clear establishment of setting
Weaknesses
  • Limited emotional impact
  • Character changes not fully realized

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively establishes the atmosphere of the Nickel Academy, introduces key characters, and sets up conflicts and power dynamics, earning a high rating.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of showcasing the power dynamics and tensions within the Nickel Academy through a breakfast encounter is well-executed and engaging.

Plot: 8

The plot progresses as Elwood navigates the challenges and dynamics of the Nickel Academy, setting up future conflicts and character development.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a familiar setting of a boarding school but adds a fresh perspective by focusing on the internal and external struggles of the protagonist, as well as the philosophical conflict of conformity versus individuality. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-defined, with distinct personalities and motivations, adding depth to the scene and setting up potential character arcs.

Character Changes: 7

While there are hints of character dynamics and potential changes, they are not fully realized in this scene.

Internal Goal: 8

Elwood's internal goal in this scene is to navigate the social dynamics of the dining hall and avoid confrontation or humiliation. This reflects his deeper need for acceptance and belonging, as well as his fear of being ostracized or mistreated.

External Goal: 7

Elwood's external goal is to find a place to sit and eat his meal without being harassed or bullied. This reflects the immediate challenge he faces in asserting his presence and identity in a hostile environment.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between Elwood and the other boys, as well as the underlying tension within the Nickel Academy, adds depth and intrigue to the scene.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the other boys asserting their dominance over Elwood and challenging his presence in the dining hall. The audience is left uncertain about how Elwood will navigate this opposition.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are moderately high, with the power dynamics and conflicts hinting at potential consequences for the characters involved.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by establishing key relationships, conflicts, and dynamics within the Nickel Academy.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it introduces unexpected power dynamics and conflicts between the characters, keeping the audience on edge about how the situation will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the clash between conformity and individuality. Elwood's refusal to conform to the expectations of the other boys, such as where he can sit, challenges their beliefs about hierarchy and power dynamics.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a sense of tension and defiance, but the emotional impact is not as pronounced compared to other elements.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue effectively conveys the power dynamics and tensions between the characters, adding depth to their interactions.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it immerses the reader in the tense and dynamic interactions between the characters, creating a sense of anticipation and conflict. The dialogue and actions keep the audience invested in Elwood's journey.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, with a balance of dialogue and action that keeps the audience engaged. The rhythm of the scene contributes to its effectiveness in conveying the atmosphere and conflict.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for a screenplay, with clear scene headings, descriptions, and dialogue. It effectively conveys the visual and auditory elements of the setting.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for a character-driven drama, with a clear setup of the environment, conflict, and character interactions. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the effectiveness of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the chaotic atmosphere of the Nickel Academy dining hall, immersing the audience in the noise and energy of the boys. However, the initial focus on Elwood's POV of the orange rolling on his tray could be enhanced by providing more sensory details, such as the sounds of laughter or the smell of the food, to create a more vivid experience.
  • Elwood's interactions with the other boys highlight his isolation and the social hierarchy present in the academy. The dialogue between Elwood and the younger boys is effective in showcasing the bullying culture, but it could benefit from more emotional depth. For instance, Elwood's reaction to being rejected could be more pronounced, allowing the audience to feel his vulnerability.
  • Turner's introduction is a strong moment, but the transition from Elwood's isolation to his interaction with Turner feels abrupt. A smoother transition could help maintain the flow of the scene. Additionally, Turner's character could be further developed in this moment; perhaps he could offer a more personal insight or backstory that connects him to Elwood's experience.
  • The mocking of Elwood by Griff and his friends adds tension, but the scene could benefit from a clearer sense of stakes. What does Elwood stand to lose if he doesn't navigate this social landscape successfully? Establishing a more defined conflict could heighten the emotional impact of the scene.
  • The dialogue is generally strong, but some lines feel a bit on-the-nose, particularly when Elwood mentions the cinnamon in his oatmeal. This could be rephrased to sound more natural and less like an exposition dump. Consider using subtext to convey Elwood's feelings about his situation instead of stating them outright.
Suggestions
  • Incorporate more sensory details to enhance the atmosphere of the dining hall, such as sounds, smells, and visual chaos, to fully immerse the audience in the scene.
  • Deepen Elwood's emotional response to rejection by showing more of his internal struggle or thoughts, allowing the audience to empathize with his situation.
  • Smooth the transition between Elwood's isolation and his interaction with Turner, perhaps by including a moment of reflection or hesitation before Turner speaks to him.
  • Clarify the stakes for Elwood in this social setting, emphasizing what he risks by not fitting in or standing up to the bullies.
  • Revise dialogue to sound more natural and less expository, using subtext to convey character emotions and motivations instead of direct statements.



Scene 23 - Chaos and Calm at Nickel Academy
55 INT. NICKEL ACADEMY - CLASSROOM - 1966 - DAY (D35B) 55

Elwood POV looking at a couple of dusty, dried up terrariums
and an aquarium, long abandoned, the water cloudy. Elwood
focuses briefly on the gravel at the bottom, greenish with
algae, fish scales, dead bits of plants, a cat’s eye marble
and other debris, then he shifts focus through the glass to
out the window behind the aquarium, abstracting into the sky.

He’s startled when someone (O.S.) throws a balled up piece of
paper into the aquarium and it slowly unfurls in the water.


56 INT. NICKEL ACADEMY - DORMITORY - 1966 - NIGHT (D35B) 56

Elwood POV, turning from the pillow case that smells like
vinegar, up to the ceiling of the dormitory room where water
marks seem to contract and expand like a colony of jellyfish.
Paint rinds hang like tendrils from the ceiling.

Outside, katydids and crickets screech in waves, soft then
loud, back and forth.

Suddenly a roaring SOUND commences. It comes from outside, a
forbidding mechanical and- torrential- rush, with no clue to
its origin.

BLACK MIKE (O.S.)
(from across the room)
Iccceeee creammm.

He strikes a match, which illuminates him briefly in a
ghoulish way. Another boy strikes a match on a bunk the other
side of the room.

Then another boy follows suit, also in a screechy voice.

BLACK BOY 1 (O.S.)
Iiicccceee cccrrrreeeeamm.



(CONTINUED)
56 CONTINUED: 56

ELWOOD (O.S.)
(anxious)
What is that?

Another match is struck elsewhere in the room.

BLACK BOY 2 (O.S.)
I scrrreeeeeeeeeamm.

A few boys snicker.

Elwood turns to look across the beds, but the sooty windows
make the dorm room dim as the matches die out.


57 ARCHIVAL FOOTAGE 57

Full-screen. The Defiant Ones, opening scene of the film
including original credits. Sidney Poitier sings “Long
gone... ain’t he lucky... Long gone... to Kentucky” a
cappella...


58 OMITTED 58


59 INT. NICKEL ACADEMY - CLASSROOM - 1966 - DAY (D36) 59

Elwood POV from the third row of a crammed eight-row
arrangement, staring at the back of the teacher MR. GOODALL
(white, 60s) with tortoise shell glasses and white hair. He’s
facing the blackboard, explaining basic addition.

SOUND of Griff and his cronies playing cards, snickering,
O.S. at the back of the classroom.

MR. GOODALL (O.S.)
(oblivious)
...and On Tuesday, he made 50
dollars. Finally, on Wednesday, he
made 100 dollars. How much has he
made so far?

The posters on the walls feature bespectacled owls hooting
out the alphabet next to bright drawings of elementary nouns:
house, cat, barn. Little kid stuff.

One boy is reading a wrinkled Marvel comic. He glances at
Elwood, shrugs and turns the page. Desmond is asleep on a
desk, his neck at a painful angle.

A heavy burping kid next to Elwood starts a dumb game of tug-
of-war with the math primer they have to share.



(CONTINUED)
59 CONTINUED: 59

At the board Mr. Goodall has drawn the equation.

MR. GOODALL (O.S.) (CONT'D)
...carry the one. You carry the
one, see.

He makes a little arrow on the chalkboard illustrating the
process. Elwood gives up the primer.

TURNER (O.S.)
Not what you expected?

Elwood turns around at the sound of Turner’s voice, finding
him a couple rows behind on the other side of the classroom,
diligently folding a paper on his desk. Turner ignores him,
as if he never asked the question.

Elwood looks back toward the chalk board.

MR. GOODALL (O.S.)
(at the board)
And we get 300.

A paper airplane (thrown by Turner) glides gently by him.
Elwood watches as it floats briefly suspended in the air.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In a classroom at Nickel Academy, Elwood observes dusty terrariums and a cloudy aquarium, feeling anxious as a paper ball disrupts the water. The scene shifts to the dormitory at night, where the boys create an eerie atmosphere with their playful antics and chants about ice cream. Back in the classroom, Mr. Goodall attempts to teach basic addition, but the boys remain disinterested, with one reading a comic and another sleeping. Turner throws a paper airplane towards Elwood, who watches it float, capturing a moment of calm amidst the chaos.
Strengths
  • Authentic dialogue
  • Effective character introductions
  • Tense atmosphere
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development
  • Moderate conflict level

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys the tense and isolated atmosphere of the classroom, setting up the dynamics among the boys and introducing key elements of the educational environment. The dialogue and interactions provide insight into the characters and their struggles, creating a compelling and engaging scene.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene revolves around the educational setting at Nickel Academy in 1966, focusing on the dynamics among the boys, the presence of authority figures, and the struggles faced by Elwood. It effectively sets the stage for further character development and plot progression.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene revolves around the classroom dynamics, the introduction of key characters, and the establishment of the educational environment at Nickel Academy. It sets the stage for future developments and adds depth to the overall story.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh approach to depicting a classroom environment in a historical setting, with unique details and character interactions that feel authentic and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The scene effectively introduces and develops the characters within the classroom setting, showcasing their interactions, struggles, and dynamics. It provides insight into their personalities and sets the stage for further character growth.

Character Changes: 7

While there are subtle hints at character development, the scene primarily focuses on introducing the characters and setting up their dynamics within the educational environment.

Internal Goal: 8

Elwood's internal goal in this scene is to understand his surroundings and cope with the oppressive environment of Nickel Academy.

External Goal: 7

Elwood's external goal is to navigate the challenges and dynamics of the classroom environment at Nickel Academy.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The scene contains a moderate level of conflict, primarily stemming from the dynamics among the boys, the presence of authority figures, and the struggles faced by Elwood in the educational environment.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the students' rebellious actions contrasting with the teacher's authority, creating conflict and tension.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are moderate in the scene, primarily revolving around the challenges faced by the characters in the educational environment and the dynamics among the boys at Nickel Academy.

Story Forward: 8

The scene effectively moves the story forward by introducing key elements of the educational setting, establishing character dynamics, and setting the stage for future developments at Nickel Academy.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected actions of the students and the mysterious sound from outside, creating a sense of tension and intrigue.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the contrast between the oppressive nature of the academy and the students' attempts to find moments of levity and rebellion.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a sense of tension, isolation, and anxiety, creating an emotional impact on the audience as they witness the struggles of the characters in the classroom setting.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the tension, isolation, and dynamics among the boys in the classroom. It adds depth to the characters, establishes their relationships, and drives the scene forward with authenticity.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its detailed descriptions, realistic dialogue, and the tension between the characters, keeping the audience invested in the unfolding dynamics.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and interested in the unfolding events.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for a screenplay, with clear scene headings and descriptions that enhance the visual storytelling.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene effectively sets up the classroom environment and introduces the characters and conflicts in a clear and engaging manner.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the oppressive atmosphere of Nickel Academy through Elwood's perspective, using vivid imagery and sensory details. The contrast between the dusty terrariums and the chaotic dormitory environment enhances the sense of neglect and despair that permeates the institution.
  • The use of sound, particularly the mechanical roar and the chanting of 'ice cream,' creates a haunting ambiance that reflects the boys' psychological state. However, the transition between the classroom and the dormitory could be smoother to maintain narrative flow and coherence.
  • The dialogue is minimal, which works well in conveying the tension and isolation Elwood feels. However, incorporating more internal monologue or thoughts from Elwood could deepen the audience's understanding of his emotional state and the impact of his surroundings.
  • The introduction of Mr. Goodall as a teacher is a missed opportunity to explore the dynamics of authority further. His obliviousness to the boys' behavior could be emphasized more to highlight the neglect they face from adults, contrasting with the strictness of figures like Spencer.
  • The scene ends with a paper airplane thrown by Turner, which is a nice visual metaphor for hope and escape. However, it could be more impactful if there were a stronger emotional reaction from Elwood, indicating his desire for freedom or a sense of camaraderie with Turner.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief internal monologue for Elwood as he observes the terrariums and the classroom, allowing the audience to connect more deeply with his feelings of isolation and longing for a different life.
  • Enhance the transition between the classroom and dormitory scenes by using a visual or auditory cue that links the two environments, such as a sound that carries over from one to the other, reinforcing the oppressive atmosphere.
  • Explore Mr. Goodall's character further by including a moment where he attempts to engage with the boys, only to be met with indifference or mockery, emphasizing the disconnect between authority figures and the students.
  • Consider having Elwood react more visibly to the paper airplane thrown by Turner, perhaps by catching it or expressing a fleeting moment of joy, to highlight the importance of small acts of kindness and hope in such a bleak environment.
  • Incorporate more background noise or chatter from the other boys to create a more immersive experience, showcasing the chaotic and distracting environment that Elwood must navigate.



Scene 24 - Confrontation in the Bathroom
60 INT. NICKEL ACADEMY - BATHROOM - 1966 - AFTERNOON (D37) 60

Elwood POV from inside a bathroom stall through the gap
between the stall door and frame of Black Mike shoving Corey,
the stutterer, into a corner, back to the walls. Black Mike
squeezes Corey’s face cheeks together with one hand while
Corey breathes hard. He lets go and takes a step back. Corey,
barely gathering himself, takes a step forward as Black Mike
shoves Corey back against the wall. He falls to his knees and
Black Mike steps forward, hands on his crotch, intentions
clear.

Elwood jets out of the stall and steps between them.

ELWOOD
Eh!

Black Mike spins around and slugs him, knocking him back
against the sink. Elwood rolls over, falls, a copper penny
flying from his shirt pocket as he flails his arm out and
knocks open the stall door he came out of.

Just then Desmond opens the door to the bathroom, sees what’s
happening-

DESMOND
Oh shit!


(CONTINUED)
60 CONTINUED: 60

-and runs off.

DESMOND (O.S.) (CONT'D)
(racing down the hall)
Fight ! Fight !

Black Mike grimaces and looks down at Elwood.

LONNIE (O.S.)
Damn Mike, why’d you have to hit
him so hard. Shit.

Blakeley enters. He takes in the situation and also looks
down at Elwood who is groaning.

BLAKELEY
Ain’t you the new boy?

BLACK MIKE (O.S.)
His fault. He started it.

BLAKELEY
Nuh-uh, I don’t care who’s at
fault, who started it, or why.

Elwood looks up to the moving ceiling as Blakeley drags him
out of the bathroom. In the corner of his eye he sees Black
Mike bend to pick up the penny that flew from his pocket.

BLACK MIKE
(looking at it, surprised)
Hey-

BLAKELEY
(to all of them)
Mr. Spencer will take this up.

Elwood sees the boys look at each other.

LONNIE (O.S.)
(upset)
Spencer? Shit. Now you done it.


61 ARCHIVAL IMAGES 61

SILENT. Consecutive images of actual exhumed student graves
and some of their contents: marbles, buttons, pennies, belt
buckles, a comb.
Genres: ["Drama","Coming-of-age"]

Summary In the bathroom of Nickel Academy, Elwood witnesses Black Mike bullying Corey, a stuttering boy. When Elwood intervenes, Black Mike retaliates by punching him, causing Elwood to drop a penny. Desmond sees the fight and runs to alert others, while Blakeley arrives to assess the situation and drags Elwood away. The scene ends with a sense of impending trouble as the boys react to the mention of Mr. Spencer, highlighting the tense and confrontational atmosphere.
Strengths
  • Intense conflict
  • Character development
  • Emotional impact
Weaknesses
  • Limited dialogue impact
  • Predictable outcome

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys a high level of tension and conflict, with a strong emotional impact and character development. The stakes are raised, and the plot is propelled forward through the intense confrontation.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of showcasing a moment of conflict and power struggle within the institution is effectively realized, adding depth to the narrative and highlighting the challenges faced by the characters.

Plot: 8.5

The plot is advanced significantly through the confrontation, revealing more about the characters and setting while setting up future developments. The scene adds layers to the overall story.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the theme of bullying and power dynamics, with authentic character actions and dialogue that feel true to the setting and time period.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters are well-developed in this scene, with their motivations and relationships coming to the forefront. The conflict reveals new facets of the characters' personalities.

Character Changes: 8

The characters undergo subtle changes in this scene, particularly in their relationships and understanding of power dynamics within the institution.

Internal Goal: 8

Elwood's internal goal in this scene is to stand up against injustice and protect Corey from harm. This reflects his deeper desire for fairness and compassion in a cruel world.

External Goal: 7

Elwood's external goal is to prevent Black Mike from harming Corey physically. This reflects the immediate challenge of intervening in a violent situation.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The level of conflict in the scene is high, with physical violence and power dynamics at play, creating a tense and dramatic atmosphere.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Elwood facing physical violence and the threat of further harm from Black Mike.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in this scene, with physical violence and potential consequences for the characters involved. The outcome of the conflict will have a significant impact on the narrative.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by introducing new conflicts and dynamics that will impact the characters' trajectories. It sets the stage for future developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the sudden escalation of violence and the unexpected actions of the characters.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between the values of justice and power. Elwood's belief in standing up for what is right clashes with Black Mike's desire to exert dominance and control over others.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene evokes strong emotions from the audience, particularly anxiety and concern for the characters involved in the conflict. The impact is heightened by the intense performances.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue effectively conveys the tension and power dynamics between the characters, adding depth to the scene. However, there could be more impactful lines to enhance the emotional resonance.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense conflict and the reader's investment in Elwood's struggle against injustice.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, leading to a climactic confrontation between the characters.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear and concise descriptions of the characters' movements and dialogue.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, effectively building tension and conflict through the characters' actions and dialogue.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the tension and brutality of life at Nickel Academy, showcasing the power dynamics among the boys. Elwood's intervention to protect Corey is a pivotal moment that highlights his character's bravery and moral compass, but the scene could benefit from deeper emotional resonance. The physicality of the confrontation is visceral, yet the emotional stakes for Elwood and Corey could be more pronounced to enhance viewer empathy.
  • The dialogue is sparse but impactful, particularly Blakeley's authoritative presence. However, the scene could use more internal monologue or visual cues to convey Elwood's emotional state during the confrontation. This would help the audience connect with his fear and determination more intimately.
  • The transition to archival images at the end is powerful, but it feels somewhat abrupt. While it serves to underscore the historical context, a smoother transition or a more gradual build-up to the archival footage could enhance its emotional impact. Consider integrating the archival images more organically into the narrative flow.
  • The use of physical action is strong, but the motivations behind Black Mike's aggression could be explored further. Providing a glimpse into his character or backstory could add depth to the conflict, making it more than just a moment of bullying but a reflection of the environment they are in.
  • The scene's pacing is effective in building tension, but the resolution feels rushed. After Elwood is dragged out, there is little follow-up on the consequences of the fight or the implications of Mr. Spencer's involvement. Expanding on this could heighten the stakes and leave the audience with a lingering sense of dread.
Suggestions
  • Incorporate more internal thoughts or flashbacks for Elwood during the confrontation to deepen the emotional stakes and provide insight into his motivations.
  • Consider adding a brief moment of dialogue or interaction between Elwood and Corey before the fight to establish their relationship and make the stakes of the confrontation more personal.
  • Smooth the transition to the archival images by perhaps having Elwood reflect on the fight or the environment, leading into the images as a haunting reminder of the consequences faced by boys like him.
  • Explore Black Mike's character further, perhaps through a brief line of dialogue or a visual cue that hints at his own struggles, making him a more complex antagonist.
  • After Elwood is dragged out, include a moment where he reflects on the fight's implications or hears the boys discussing the consequences, reinforcing the oppressive atmosphere of Nickel Academy.



Scene 25 - Citrus Grove Duties
62 EXT. CITRUS GROVE - NICKEL PLANTATIONS - 1966 - DAY (D38) 62

Elwood POV walking through a grove on a work detail behind
Desmond, who turns to swiftly check if Elwood’s there.

They walk between rows of trees, Elwood looking right and
left at the SOUND of boys’ voices all around him. There are
harvest baskets with oranges beside every tree.

From somewhere up ahead in the grove, a loud TARZAN yell. An
orange is tossed from tree to tree by unseen boys.

Elwood searches the leafy branches as they catch up to the
work gang, then sees the boys picking oranges and tossing
them into the baskets on the ground.

He sees FOUR MEN ON STILTS striding through the groves,
moving like strange beasts, checking on the thoroughness of
the work. One pauses at a tree, peaks into the upper
branches, then continues on.

Elwood walks toward the approaching stilt men. He sees one of
the boys scramble back to a tree, reaching up for a lone
orange that was missed.

The stilt men pass by above Elwood.

STILT MAN (O.S.)
(calling out)
Don’t bruise ‘em!

DESMOND
(trying unsuccessfully to
get his attention)
Boss! Boss!

Desmond turns to Elwood.

DESMOND (CONT'D)
Okay El, start with the ones on the
bottom, and fill the basket by the
trees. Take ‘em to the truck down
at the end of the row. That’s it.

He walks off. An orange thuds on the ground near Elwood.

JAIME (O.S.)
(cursing to himself)
Cabrón- !

Elwood watches it roll to a halt. He turns around and looks
over to see Jaime, the same boy Spencer pulled from the
football field, peeking out through the branches. He looks at
Elwood, friendly.


(CONTINUED)
62 CONTINUED: 62

JAIME (CONT'D)
Cuidado, chico.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In a lively citrus grove on Nickel Plantations in 1966, Elwood follows Desmond as he learns to pick oranges. Amidst the sounds of boys working and the watchful stilt men patrolling above, Elwood encounters Jaime, a familiar face, who offers a friendly warning to be careful. The scene captures the youthful energy of the boys and the camaraderie among them, while subtly highlighting the tension between their eagerness to work and the stilt men's oversight.
Strengths
  • Visual imagery
  • Atmosphere
  • Character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Limited dialogue
  • Potential lack of depth in character interactions

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively captures the atmosphere of the work detail, introducing elements of tension and camaraderie among the boys. The use of the orange grove and the stilt men adds a visually striking and symbolic layer to the scene.


Story Content

Concept: 8.5

The concept of showcasing the work detail at Nickel Academy through Elwood's perspective is well-executed, providing insight into the daily struggles and interactions of the boys. The use of the orange grove and the stilts adds depth to the scene.

Plot: 8

The scene contributes to the overall plot by depicting the harsh conditions at Nickel Academy and the relationships forming among the boys. It sets the stage for future developments and highlights the challenges Elwood faces in the institution.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh setting and situation with the use of stilts by the men to check the trees, adding a unique visual element. The dialogue and actions of the characters feel authentic and contribute to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The scene focuses on Elwood's experience in the work detail, showcasing his resilience and curiosity in the face of adversity. Other characters like Desmond and Jaime provide additional context and dynamics to the scene.

Character Changes: 7

Elwood's character is further developed as he navigates the challenges of the work detail and interacts with other boys. His resilience and curiosity are highlighted, setting the stage for potential growth and change.

Internal Goal: 8

Elwood's internal goal in this scene is to navigate the challenging work environment and possibly form connections with the other workers, like Jaime.

External Goal: 7.5

Elwood's external goal is to follow Desmond's instructions and successfully fill the basket with oranges and take them to the truck.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7.5

The scene introduces subtle conflicts through the interactions among the boys, highlighting tensions and power dynamics within the institution. The presence of authority figures like the stilt men adds to the underlying conflict.

Opposition: 7.5

The opposition in the scene, such as the challenge of filling the basket with oranges and the dynamics between the characters, adds complexity and uncertainty to the narrative.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are moderately high in the scene, as Elwood faces the challenges of the work detail and the dynamics among the boys. The harsh conditions and power dynamics add to the sense of risk and uncertainty.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by providing insight into the daily life at Nickel Academy and setting up future developments. It establishes the harsh conditions and relationships that will impact Elwood's journey.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected interactions and events that occur, such as the boys playing and the men on stilts.

Philosophical Conflict: 6.5

There is a subtle philosophical conflict between the carefree playfulness of the boys and the seriousness of the work being done in the grove. This conflict challenges Elwood's perception of his surroundings and his role in the plantation.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7.5

The scene evokes a sense of tension and camaraderie, creating an emotional connection to Elwood's struggles and the harsh reality of the work detail. The interactions among the boys and the setting contribute to the emotional impact.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue in the scene serves its purpose in conveying instructions and interactions among the boys. While not particularly standout, it effectively moves the scene forward and establishes character dynamics.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the dynamic interactions between the characters, the visual imagery of the grove, and the unfolding of Elwood's tasks.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and interest as Elwood navigates the tasks assigned to him and interacts with the other characters.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with proper scene headings, character cues, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear descriptions of the setting, character actions, and dialogue.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes a vivid setting in the citrus grove, utilizing Elwood's point of view to immerse the audience in the environment. The sounds of boys' voices and the visual of oranges being harvested create a lively atmosphere that contrasts with the oppressive nature of Nickel Academy.
  • The introduction of the 'stilt men' adds a surreal and almost menacing element to the scene, symbolizing the authority figures overseeing the boys' labor. However, their presence could be further emphasized to enhance the sense of surveillance and control they exert over the boys.
  • Desmond's instructions to Elwood are clear, but the dialogue could benefit from more emotional weight. As a character who is guiding Elwood, Desmond could express more concern or camaraderie, which would deepen their relationship and highlight the harshness of their situation.
  • Jaime's introduction at the end of the scene provides a moment of connection for Elwood, but the transition from the work detail to this interaction feels abrupt. A smoother transition could enhance the flow of the scene and allow for a more natural development of their relationship.
  • The use of the Tarzan yell and the playful tossing of oranges adds a layer of childhood innocence amidst the harsh realities of their environment. However, this playful element could be juxtaposed more sharply with the underlying tension of their situation, perhaps by contrasting their laughter with the stilt men's stern oversight.
Suggestions
  • Consider expanding on the dialogue between Desmond and Elwood to include more personal stakes or emotional resonance, which would help the audience connect with their struggles.
  • Enhance the portrayal of the stilt men by incorporating more descriptive language that conveys their intimidating presence and the boys' reactions to them, reinforcing the theme of surveillance.
  • Smooth the transition to Jaime's introduction by including a brief moment where Elwood reflects on his surroundings or his feelings about the work, allowing for a more natural segue into their interaction.
  • Incorporate more sensory details to enrich the scene, such as the smell of oranges or the heat of the sun, which would further immerse the audience in the setting.
  • Consider adding a moment of tension or conflict during the work detail, such as a near-miss with the stilt men or a confrontation among the boys, to heighten the stakes and maintain engagement.



Scene 26 - The White House of Fear
63 INT. NICKEL ACADEMY - DORMITORY - 1966- NIGHT (N38) 63

Elwood POV as he awakens in his bunk to the SOUND of tires
grinding gravel outside, car doors opening, feet thumping up
the stairs.

The men’s flashlights dance. Earl, the large black man who
helped Spencer on the football field, and a couple of WHITE
MEN search the bunks. They make sure to get the right boys by
shining flashlights in their faces.

Others peek out from under their sheets as they grab Black
Mike, Corey and then Elwood, and lead them from the room.


64 EXT. NICKEL ACADEMY - “WHITE HOUSE” - 1966 - NIGHT (N38) 64

Elwood POV as the boys follow Earl in the darkness along a
pathway toward the white rust-stained sugar cube building
Elwood noticed when he first arrived at Nickel.

Off to the side a figure is leaning against a parked Cadillac
Eldorado convertible, unnoticed in the darkness until his
cigar tip glows briefly orange-red. Shortly thereafter the
boys hear the SOUND of keys JANGLING as he draws near them.

Spencer walks through the boys on the path, pauses at the
door in the darkness to find the key on his enormous key
ring, and opens the two padlocks.


65 INT. “WHITE HOUSE” - 1966 - NIGHT [CONTINUOUS] (N38) 65

Elwood POV as they enter. The stench is fierce. Urine, feces
and fear are soaked into the concrete and they all react to
it as they enter. A naked bulb buzzes on in the hallway.

Spencer and Earl lead them to a room at the front of the
building, where a line of bolted-together chairs waits, and a
table. The sitting room faces the beating room, where Elwood
sees a wooden barn pommel with a rail behind it.

Spencer and Earl take Black Mike in first.

SPENCER
Thought you’d be done after the
last time.

They shut the door.



(CONTINUED)
65 CONTINUED: 65

EARL (O.S.)
Piss himself again.

The roar SOUND begins. Elwood’s chair vibrates with the
energy. Some sort of machine is loud enough to cover Black
Mike’s screams and the smack of the strap on his body. Elwood
closes his eyes and tries to count. The SCREEN goes BLACK.

COREY (O.S.)
(terrified)
I’m-a hold on and be s-s-s-s-s-s-st-
I’m-a hold on and be st-st-still.

SOUND of Corey sobbing as they drag Black Mike out.

EARL (O.S.)
Shut up, punk.

They take Corey.

SPENCER (O.S.)
Alright Corey, c’mon.

Elwood opens his eyes and sees a Bible on the table.


66 INT. “WHITE HOUSE” - BEATING ROOM - 1966 - NIGHT [CONT] 66
(N38)

Elwood POV, there it is: the gigantic industrial fan that is
the source of the ROARING sound that travels all over campus.
As he is brought closer to the pommel he can see fresh
splatter on the concrete block wall where the fan has whipped
blood in its gusting. And there’s a weird thing with the
acoustics, where the fan covers the screams outside, but
right next to him, Elwood can hear Spencer’s instructions
perfectly.

SPENCER
Elwood Curtis.

The tone of his voice is chillingly amused, as if he’s
putting Elwood onto a ride at an amusement park.

SPENCER (CONT'D)
Hold on to the rail and don’t let
go. Shhhh. Don’t make a sound.
(pause) You’ll get more.

Elwood bends over the pommel and grips the rail, his focus on
the concrete blocks which he can now make out are each
stamped N I C K E L. The beating starts, and with it the
ROARING SOUND of the FunTown roller coaster ride, children
exclaiming. Elwood’s POV freezes into a STILL.


67 ARCHIVAL IMAGES 67

A slow series of up to ten pairs of STILL portraits, which
change (though not always synced) with the SOUND of each blow
of the whip. Child. Adult. Child. Adult. We gradually realize
that we’re looking at portraits of children followed
immediately by their portraits as adults.

HATTIE (V.O.)
Elwood honey, blink.
Genres: ["Drama","Historical"]

Summary Elwood awakens at Nickel Academy to the sound of approaching vehicles and footsteps. He, along with Black Mike and Corey, is led by Earl and a couple of white men to the ominous 'White House,' where Spencer awaits with a key ring. Inside, they are confronted with a horrific stench and a setup for punishment. Black Mike is taken in first, and the sounds of his beating echo as Elwood and Corey wait in terror. When Elwood is called in next, the scene shifts to archival images that highlight the trauma experienced by the boys, emphasizing the dark and oppressive atmosphere of their environment.
Strengths
  • Intense atmosphere
  • Suspenseful pacing
  • Powerful dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Graphic violence
  • Disturbing themes

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene is highly impactful, effectively conveying the brutality and fear within the Nickel Academy. The intense tone, dark atmosphere, and suspenseful elements create a compelling and memorable scene.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of showcasing the brutal reality of the Nickel Academy through a tense and suspenseful sequence is executed effectively.

Plot: 9

The plot progression in this scene is crucial as it reveals the harsh treatment of the boys at the academy, setting up future conflicts and character development.

Originality: 9

The scene is highly original in its depiction of institutional abuse and racial injustice in a reformatory school setting. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue, as well as the vivid descriptions of the environment, contribute to the scene's originality and emotional impact.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters in the scene, particularly Elwood and the authority figures, are well-developed and contribute to the tension and conflict.

Character Changes: 8

Elwood undergoes a significant change as he is exposed to the harsh reality of the academy, setting the stage for his character development.

Internal Goal: 9

Elwood's internal goal is to survive the abuse and violence he is subjected to at Nickel Academy. This reflects his deeper need for safety, security, and a sense of self-preservation.

External Goal: 8

Elwood's external goal is to endure the physical punishment without showing weakness or resistance. This reflects the immediate challenge he faces in the brutal environment of the reformatory school.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9.5

The level of conflict in the scene is high, with the brutal treatment of the boys and the power dynamics between the authority figures and the students.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the characters facing physical and emotional challenges that test their resilience and courage. The audience is kept in suspense and uncertainty about the outcome, adding to the tension and drama.

High Stakes: 10

The stakes are extremely high in the scene, as the boys face brutal punishment and the harsh reality of their situation is laid bare.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by revealing the brutal treatment at the academy and setting up future conflicts and character arcs.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the sudden and shocking turn of events, the unexpected cruelty and violence, and the emotional intensity of the characters' reactions. The audience is kept on edge and unsure of what will happen next.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the clash between the values of justice, compassion, and humanity against the cruelty, racism, and abuse of power. Elwood's beliefs in fairness and dignity are challenged by the brutal treatment he witnesses and experiences.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9.5

The scene has a high emotional impact due to the fear, tension, and brutality depicted, evoking strong emotions in the audience.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue effectively conveys the chilling atmosphere and the power dynamics within the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense emotional impact, vivid imagery, and suspenseful atmosphere. The audience is drawn into the characters' experiences and struggles, creating a sense of empathy and urgency.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively conveys the escalating tension and danger faced by the characters, with a gradual build-up of suspense and intensity leading to the climactic moment in the beating room. The rhythm of the scene enhances its emotional impact and narrative significance.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings, descriptions, and dialogue. It effectively conveys the visual and auditory elements of the setting and action.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene effectively builds tension and conveys the escalating danger and brutality faced by the characters. It follows a logical progression from the initial discovery of the abuse to the harrowing experience in the beating room.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension and dread through Elwood's perspective, immersing the audience in his fear and confusion. The use of sensory details, such as the stench and the sounds of the beating, creates a visceral experience that highlights the brutality of the situation.
  • The contrast between the mundane setting of the dormitory and the horrific reality of the 'White House' is stark and impactful. This juxtaposition emphasizes the loss of innocence and the harsh realities faced by the boys at Nickel Academy.
  • The dialogue is sparse but effective, particularly Spencer's chilling tone and the reactions of the boys. However, the scene could benefit from more internal monologue or thoughts from Elwood to deepen the emotional impact and provide insight into his mental state as he faces this trauma.
  • The transition from the physical beating to the archival images is a powerful choice, linking the past and present while emphasizing the long-lasting effects of trauma. However, the pacing could be adjusted to allow the audience to fully absorb the emotional weight of each image before moving on to the next.
  • The use of sound is particularly effective in this scene, with the roaring fan drowning out the screams, creating a sense of helplessness. However, the auditory experience could be enhanced by incorporating more varied sound elements that reflect Elwood's internal struggle, such as his heartbeat or muffled thoughts.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief internal monologue from Elwood as he is led to the 'White House.' This could provide insight into his thoughts and fears, making the audience feel more connected to his emotional state.
  • Explore the use of more varied sound design to enhance the atmosphere. For example, incorporating Elwood's heartbeat or muffled whispers could heighten the tension and reflect his internal turmoil.
  • Adjust the pacing of the archival images to allow for a moment of reflection after each image. This would give the audience time to process the emotional weight of the visuals and their connection to Elwood's experience.
  • Consider including a moment of connection or solidarity among the boys before they are taken away. This could serve to highlight their shared trauma and the bond they have formed in the face of adversity.
  • Ensure that the transition between the physical beating and the archival images is smooth and impactful. This could involve a gradual fade or a specific sound cue that links the two elements, reinforcing the theme of enduring trauma.



Scene 27 - Silent Suffering
68 INT. NICKEL ACADEMY - INFIRMARY - 1966 - DAY (D39) 68

Elwood POV lying on his stomach in an infirmary bed as his
eyes flutter open, his focus blurred as he looks down at his
fingers dangling over the side of the bed.

He GROANS in pain.

NURSE SCARLETT (O.S.
(reading from the Bible;
Romans 8)
...who shall separate us from the
love of Christ? Shall tribulation,
or distress, or persecution, or
famine, or nakedness, or peril, or
sword?

SOUND of her turning a page.

NURSE SCARLETT (O.S.) (CONT'D)
As it is written, For thy sake we
are killed all the day long; we are
accounted as sheep for the
slaughter.

Elwood turns his head in the other direction. He now sees the
NURSE SCARLETT (white, 40s) across the simple ward in partial
silhouette, her back turned to him. She wears a starched
white uniform, white shoes and stockings, and has a red
bouffant. She’s seated at a bedside behind a partly drawn
curtain, reading the Bible to a WHITE BOY in the infirmary.
Elwood can just make out a bandage covering the boy’s head
and most of his face.

NURSE SCARLETT (CONT'D)
Nay, in all these things we are
more than conquerors through Him
that loved us.

The boy never says anything, never moves. Nurse Scarlett
reaches out to take his limp hand. SOUND of her turning a
page.


(CONTINUED)
68 CONTINUED: 68

NURSE SCARLETT (CONT'D)
For I am persuaded, that neither
death, nor life, nor angels, nor
principalities, nor powers, nor
things present, nor things to come,
Nor height, nor depth, nor any
other creature... shall be able to
separate us from the love of God...


69 EXT. NICKEL FIELD - COMMUNITY SERVICE VAN - 1966 - DAY 69
(D40)

From the front passenger seat of the van as it drives across
a grassy field, Turner’s POV looking in the side view mirror
at himself as he blows a large Bazooka bubble.

An open white hand reaches across and SMACKS Turner,
playfully popping the bubble but also making contact with
Turner’s mouth.

Turner turns and looks at HARPER (early 20s), a lanky white
boy with greasy blond hair who sits beside him behind the
wheel of the white “Community Service” van. Harper makes a
“pop” sound with his lips and smiles at him.


70 OMITTED 70


70A ARCHIVAL FOOTAGE - 1960S 70A

SILENT. In the front yard of a suburban home with a white
picket fence, two young Black brothers play. One helps launch
the other into a back flip.


71 EXT. NICKEL - COMMUNITY SERVICE VAN - 1966 - DAY (D40) 71

Turner POV from the passenger seat of the van as it moves
through campus. Up ahead he sees Jaime sitting at a picnic
table outside a small wooden building beside a grassy corral,
waiting. Anxious.

Jaime meets Turner’s gaze, holding it a beat, then averts his
eyes, as if ashamed.

As the van passes, Turner sees a boy exiting the building. A
WHITE GUARD with a suspiciously heavy arm gripped around the
boy’s shoulder has a word with him before he releases him.




(CONTINUED)
71 CONTINUED: 71

The boy’s head is lowered and he walks away quickly but with
an awkward, pained, gait. From the back, Turner can discern
the bald spot of CHICKIE PETE.

SOUND of Harper sucking his teeth, Turner turns to find him
shaking his head disapprovingly.

HARPER
Sat down to dinner at that guard’s
house once. Roast beef. His wife
made an angel food cake. I was in
the scouts with his sons. He taught
us how to make a fire.

The van continues on, Turner turns away from Harper and looks
back out the window, disturbed.


72 ARCHIVAL FOOTAGE 72

TBD
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary Elwood awakens in the infirmary of Nickel Academy, grappling with pain and confusion as Nurse Scarlett reads comforting Bible passages to an unresponsive boy. Meanwhile, in a community service van, Turner and Harper witness the oppressive environment of the academy, reflecting on their disillusionment with the guards. The scene captures the stark contrast between moments of care and the underlying tension of the boys' suffering, culminating in Turner's disturbed reaction to the interactions he observes.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Atmospheric setting
Weaknesses
  • Limited external conflict
  • Slow pacing in the infirmary sequence

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys Elwood's pain and vulnerability while introducing a sense of hope through Nurse Scarlett's words. The dynamic between the boys during community service adds layers to the characters and sets up potential conflicts.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring Elwood's inner turmoil and the dynamics among the boys in different settings is compelling. The use of religious themes and contrasting environments adds depth to the scene.

Plot: 8

The plot progresses by delving into Elwood's emotional journey and introducing potential conflicts among the boys during community service. The scene sets up intriguing developments for the characters and story.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on the theme of suffering and resilience in a harsh institutional setting, with authentic dialogue and character interactions that feel true to the time period and setting.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The scene effectively develops Elwood's character through his reactions to pain and Nurse Scarlett's words. The interactions among the boys in the community service van showcase their personalities and relationships.

Character Changes: 8

Elwood undergoes a subtle emotional shift as he grapples with his pain and finds solace in Nurse Scarlett's words. The interactions among the boys hint at potential character developments and conflicts.

Internal Goal: 8

Elwood's internal goal in this scene is to cope with pain and suffering, as reflected in his groans and his reaction to the nurse's reading. This reflects his deeper need for comfort and healing.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to observe the interactions in the infirmary and understand the dynamics of the institution. This reflects the immediate challenge of navigating the oppressive environment of Nickel Academy.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

While there are hints of tension among the boys during community service, the main conflict lies in Elwood's internal struggles and the harsh realities of Nickel Academy. The scene sets up potential conflicts for future developments.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with subtle conflicts and power dynamics at play that add complexity to the protagonist's journey.

High Stakes: 7

While the stakes are not overtly high in this scene, the emotional and physical challenges faced by Elwood and the potential conflicts among the boys during community service hint at escalating tensions and risks.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by deepening the audience's understanding of Elwood's emotional journey and introducing new dynamics among the boys. It sets the stage for future conflicts and character arcs.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable in its exploration of complex themes and character interactions, keeping the audience guessing about the protagonist's choices and outcomes.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the juxtaposition of religious teachings about love and suffering with the harsh reality of the institution's treatment of its students. This challenges Elwood's beliefs in justice and fairness.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions through Elwood's pain and vulnerability, as well as Nurse Scarlett's comforting presence. The camaraderie and tension among the boys add depth and resonance to the emotional impact.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue, particularly Nurse Scarlett's recitation from the Bible, adds depth to the scene and reflects the characters' emotional states. The interactions in the community service van provide insight into the boys' dynamics.

Engagement: 8

This scene is engaging because of its emotional depth, character dynamics, and thematic resonance, drawing the audience into the protagonist's internal and external struggles.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by balancing moments of reflection with moments of tension, creating a dynamic rhythm that keeps the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of the scene adheres to the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings, character descriptions, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 9

The scene follows a clear structure with well-defined character actions and dialogue that contribute to the development of internal and external goals.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes a stark contrast between Elwood's pain and the serene yet haunting reading of the Bible by Nurse Scarlett. This juxtaposition creates a powerful emotional impact, highlighting the themes of suffering and hope.
  • Nurse Scarlett's dialogue is poignant and reflective, but it may benefit from a more personal touch. While the biblical passages are relevant, incorporating her thoughts or feelings about the boys in the infirmary could deepen her character and make her more relatable.
  • The visual description of Elwood's POV is strong, but it could be enhanced by including more sensory details. For example, describing the sounds of the infirmary or the smells could immerse the audience further into Elwood's experience.
  • The scene transitions abruptly from the infirmary to the community service van. While this shift is necessary for the narrative, it could be smoother. A visual or auditory cue that links the two settings might help maintain continuity and emotional resonance.
  • The introduction of Turner and Harper in the community service van feels somewhat disconnected from the previous scene. While it serves to advance the plot, it may benefit from a stronger thematic connection to Elwood's experience in the infirmary, perhaps by reflecting on the consequences of the academy's brutality.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment where Nurse Scarlett reflects on her role in the infirmary, perhaps expressing her frustrations or hopes for the boys, to give her character more depth.
  • Incorporate more sensory details in Elwood's POV to enhance the atmosphere of the infirmary, such as the sounds of other patients or the sterile smell of the room.
  • To create a smoother transition between the infirmary and the community service van, consider using a sound bridge, such as the sound of the van approaching, to connect the two scenes.
  • Explore the emotional state of Turner and Harper in the van, perhaps by having them discuss their feelings about the academy or their experiences, to create a thematic link to Elwood's suffering.
  • Consider ending the scene with a more impactful visual or auditory cue that ties back to Elwood's experience, such as a lingering sound from the infirmary that echoes as the van drives away.



Scene 28 - Tension in the Alley
73 EXT. MARIANNA FL - BACK ALLEY - 1966 - DAY (D41) 73

Turner POV as he’s getting into the passenger seat of the van
when the BUTCHER (50s), a porky white man whose apron is a
palimpsest of stains, passes a smeared envelope of cash
through the driver’s side window to Harper.

Turner watches as the Butcher SLAPS the roof too hard, and
backs away from the van into an open doorway.

HARPER
That don’t bode well. I can’t help
it if we don’t got every can of
beans he asked for.

Harper opens the envelope.

TURNER (O.S.)
Fiver?

He takes a ten from the wad of bills then folds the dirty
envelope in half and snaps a rubber band around it.

HARPER
Ten for stress. I got my draft
notice this morning. You’re lucky
to be in Nickel.

He tosses it in the glove compartment with a whole stack.




(CONTINUED)
73 CONTINUED: 73

TURNER (O.S.)
Gonna miss your girl.

HARPER
(nods)
We got molasses back there? BBQ
joint’s next.


74 INT. NICKEL ACADEMY - INFIRMARY - 1966 - DAY (D42) 74

Elwood POV lying on his stomach on the bed. He can hear
Nurse Scarlett coming, her shoes squeaking on the linoleum
tiles and her uniform making a scratching sound.

Her white shoes and panty-hosed legs walk back forth, as she
collects bedpans and brings clean ones to the few other
patients on the ward.

Elwood peers over the edge of his bed and looks down at his
bedpan harboring feces in a pond of urine.

Her white shoes finally appear beside his bed. She slides a
clean bedpan next to the full one with her foot, then turns
and walks away without collecting Elwood’s waste.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In a tense back alley in Marianna, Florida, 1966, Turner watches as the Butcher hands a smeared envelope of cash to Harper, who is concerned about not having all the requested supplies. After the Butcher expresses frustration and leaves, Harper takes a ten-dollar bill for stress related to his draft notice. The two men briefly discuss missing Harper's girl and their next stop at a BBQ joint, while Harper stashes the envelope in the glove compartment, highlighting the grim realities of their situation.
Strengths
  • Tension-building
  • Atmospheric setting
  • Character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Lack of resolution
  • Limited character interaction

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys a sense of tension and unease through the interactions between characters and the bleak setting. The neglectful treatment of Elwood in the infirmary adds to the emotional weight of the scene, while the impending punishment at Nickel Academy creates a strong sense of foreboding.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene, focusing on the harsh realities faced by Elwood at Nickel Academy and the corrupt dealings of the Butcher, is compelling and sets up important plot points.

Plot: 8.5

The plot of the scene is crucial in establishing the challenges and conflicts that Elwood faces at Nickel Academy, as well as introducing the corrupt dealings of the Butcher. It moves the story forward and sets up future developments.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces unique characters and situations, offering a fresh perspective on survival and moral ambiguity. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters in the scene are well-developed, with Turner and Harper showcasing their complex relationship and the harsh environment at Nickel Academy adding depth to Elwood's character.

Character Changes: 7

Elwood experiences a shift in his understanding of the harsh realities of Nickel Academy and the corrupt dealings of the Butcher, setting the stage for potential character growth and development.

Internal Goal: 8

Turner's internal goal in this scene is to maintain a sense of control and composure in a potentially dangerous situation. This reflects his need for self-preservation and his fear of losing control in a volatile environment.

External Goal: 7.5

Harper's external goal is to successfully complete the transaction with the Butcher and avoid any trouble. This reflects the immediate challenge of meeting the Butcher's demands and maintaining a smooth operation.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The scene has a high level of conflict, both in the interactions between characters and the looming punishment at Nickel Academy. This conflict drives the tension and sets up future confrontations.

Opposition: 7.5

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the characters facing external threats and internal conflicts. The audience is kept on edge by the uncertainty of the characters' choices and the potential consequences.

High Stakes: 8

The scene has high stakes, with Elwood facing punishment at Nickel Academy and the corrupt dealings of the Butcher threatening his safety and well-being. The outcome of these conflicts will have significant consequences for the characters.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by introducing important plot points, establishing conflicts, and setting up future developments. It propels the narrative and builds anticipation for what is to come.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable due to the characters' ambiguous motivations and the potential for conflict. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how the situation will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the characters' moral choices in a morally ambiguous environment. Turner and Harper must navigate the line between survival and integrity, as seen in their interactions with the Butcher.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene has a strong emotional impact, eliciting feelings of sadness, anxiety, and fear through the neglectful treatment of Elwood and the tense atmosphere at Nickel Academy.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the tension and unease between characters, as well as setting up important plot points. The interactions feel authentic and contribute to the overall atmosphere.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its tense atmosphere, realistic dialogue, and character dynamics. The sense of danger and moral ambiguity keeps the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a balance of tension-building moments and character interactions. The rhythm of the scene contributes to its effectiveness in conveying the atmosphere and conflicts.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings, character actions, and dialogue. The formatting enhances the readability and impact of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure, with a well-defined setting, character interactions, and conflict resolution. It maintains the expected format for its genre, enhancing the narrative flow.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the grim reality of life at Nickel Academy, contrasting the mundane task of collecting bedpans with the emotional weight of the characters' situations. However, the transition from the alley scene to the infirmary feels abrupt. The connection between Harper's stress about the draft and Elwood's condition could be more explicitly drawn to enhance thematic cohesion.
  • The dialogue between Turner and Harper is functional but lacks depth. While it establishes their relationship and the context of their lives, it could benefit from more emotional resonance. Adding layers to their conversation could help the audience connect more with their struggles and fears.
  • The visual imagery in the infirmary scene is strong, particularly the description of Elwood's perspective. However, the scene could be enhanced by incorporating more sensory details that evoke the atmosphere of the infirmary, such as sounds, smells, or the emotional weight of the environment, to immerse the audience further.
  • The use of the Butcher character is intriguing, but his role could be expanded to provide more context about the corrupt system surrounding Nickel Academy. This could help to establish a clearer connection between the characters' experiences and the broader societal issues they face.
  • The scene ends on a rather bleak note, which is fitting given the context, but it may benefit from a moment of reflection or connection between characters. This could provide a brief respite from the tension and allow the audience to process the emotional weight of the preceding events.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment where Turner reflects on his draft notice, perhaps expressing his fears or regrets, to deepen the emotional stakes of the scene.
  • Enhance the transition between the alley and the infirmary by including a line or two that connects the two settings, perhaps through a shared theme of neglect or the harsh realities of their lives.
  • Incorporate more sensory details in the infirmary scene, such as the sounds of the ward, the smell of antiseptic, or the emotional atmosphere, to create a more immersive experience for the audience.
  • Expand on the Butcher's character by including a line or two that hints at his role in the corrupt system, perhaps through a comment he makes or a gesture that suggests complicity in the boys' suffering.
  • Consider ending the scene with a moment of connection between Elwood and Nurse Scarlett, even if it's brief, to provide a glimmer of humanity amidst the bleakness, allowing the audience to feel a sense of hope or empathy.



Scene 29 - A Moment of Connection
75 EXT. NICKEL ACADEMY - GROUNDS - 1966 - DAY (D43) 75

SOUND of a lawnmower, louder and louder as it approaches.

Turner POV as he walks along a path that winds through the
campus. On the grass alongside him, a WHITE BOY pushes a hand
mower into frame, keeping pace, messing with him. The noise
is deafening.

An older Black woman walks past them, demeanor downcast.
Turner throws a look over his shoulder at the woman: she’s an
unusual sight. The motor cuts off abruptly as it hits a
fallen branch. The woman pauses, as if struck by a thought,
and turns: it’s HATTIE. She walks back to Turner.

HATTIE
Young man, do you know a student
named Elwood Curtis?

TURNER (O.S.)
Yessum, I do.

The white boy yanks at the pull cord to restart the mower,
revving the motor each time.




(CONTINUED)
75 CONTINUED: 75

HATTIE
(distraught)
They told me that he... (mower) I
just want... (mower) Would you
please...

She pulls a MANILA ENVELOPE from her bag-

Just then the motor catches a constant hum. Hattie pauses to
compose herself. Turner looks past Hattie at the white boy
who is jeering in his disruptive power.

Turner returns his gaze to Hattie and nods yes as the white
boy loses interest and goes off mowing.

TURNER (O.S.)
Yes ma’am.

HATTIE
I’ve come all this way... it’s a
crime to keep me from him, a crime.
(beat) I don’t know what kind of
place this is, I don’t understand
why they can’t let me see him.

TURNER (O.S.)
I’m sorry, ma’am.

HATTIE
(beat) )
Thank you young man, thank you.
What is your name?

TURNER (O.S.)
Turner, ma’am.

HATTIE
Nice to know I can count on
somebody round here, Turner.

She gives him the manila envelope.

HATTIE (CONT'D)
When’s the last time you had family
visit, Turner?

This is perhaps the last question Turner expected. As the
lawn mower ROARS past again, the scar tissue suturing the
wound of his parentless childhood opens for a brief moment,
his quick wit and charisma lost to the unexpected surge of
emotion.




(CONTINUED)
75 CONTINUED: (2) 75

TURNER (O.S.)
(looking down)
...They... well, my kin, my
parents, I mean my ma, she...

Hattie peers into him, as only a grandmother can,
understanding instantly the implications of his hesitancy.

HATTIE
Well I came all this way. I can’t
hug Elwood, so you’ll have to do.

Hattie steps forward and embraces Turner, pulling him in
close and tight. The SOUND of the lawn mower has trailed off
in the background. Turner’s gaze is fixed on the space
between her ear and neck. They separate after some time.

HATTIE (CONT'D)
What are they feeding you all in
here? I know you can muster a
better hug than that.

Turner laughs.

HATTIE (CONT'D)
I’ll expect it the next time,
Turner. The world needs strong
young men like you.

She turns and walks off toward a bus stop down the hill,
Turner’s gaze following her.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In 1966 at Nickel Academy, Turner encounters Hattie, an older Black woman searching for her son, Elwood. Hattie shares her distress and hands Turner a manila envelope, seeking solace. Turner opens up about his own painful family history, leading to a heartfelt embrace from Hattie, who encourages him to be strong. Their emotional exchange is interrupted by a disruptive white boy revving a lawn mower, symbolizing the oppressive environment. The scene concludes with Hattie leaving, instilling in Turner a sense of hope and connection.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Authentic dialogue
  • Poignant themes
Weaknesses
  • Low external conflict
  • Limited plot progression

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys a range of emotions and themes, with strong character interactions and a sense of depth and meaning.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of unexpected connection and support in a challenging environment is well-executed, adding depth to the characters and themes.

Plot: 8

The plot progression in the scene focuses on character interaction and emotional depth, moving the story forward through meaningful connections.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh perspective on racial dynamics and family connections in a segregated society, with authentic dialogue and character interactions that feel genuine and compelling.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Hattie and Turner are well-developed, with distinct personalities and motivations that drive the scene forward.

Character Changes: 7

Both Hattie and Turner experience a shift in their emotional states and perspectives through their interaction, showcasing growth and connection.

Internal Goal: 8

Turner's internal goal is to navigate his emotions surrounding his parentless childhood and the unexpected surge of emotion triggered by Hattie's question about family visits.

External Goal: 7.5

Turner's external goal is to assist Hattie in her attempt to visit Elwood Curtis at Nickel Academy.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 5

While there is a subtle tension in the scene, the focus is more on emotional connection and reflection rather than high conflict.

Opposition: 7.5

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Hattie facing institutional barriers and Turner navigating his own emotional obstacles, creating uncertainty and tension for the characters.

High Stakes: 4

While the emotional stakes are high for the characters in terms of connection and support, the overall plot stakes are relatively low in this scene.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by deepening the relationships between characters and introducing new layers of emotion and meaning.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable in terms of the emotional revelations and character interactions, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the outcome.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the contrast between Hattie's belief in the importance of family connections and the institution's rules that prevent her from seeing Elwood. This challenges Turner's values and worldview as he navigates the situation.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes a strong emotional response from the audience, particularly in the moments of connection and vulnerability between the characters.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene is poignant and authentic, capturing the emotions and intentions of the characters effectively.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its emotional depth, compelling character dynamics, and the tension between the characters' goals and obstacles.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotional depth, allowing for moments of reflection and character development.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions that are easy to visualize.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with well-paced dialogue and character interactions that drive the narrative forward effectively.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the emotional weight of Hattie's visit to Nickel Academy, showcasing her desperation and the oppressive atmosphere of the institution. However, the introduction of the white boy with the lawnmower feels somewhat distracting. While it serves to highlight the contrast between Hattie's vulnerability and the disruptive presence of the white boy, it could be more seamlessly integrated into the scene's emotional core.
  • Turner's character is given depth through his interaction with Hattie, revealing his own painful past. The dialogue between them is poignant, but it could benefit from more subtext. For instance, Hattie's question about family visits could be expanded to elicit a stronger emotional response from Turner, allowing the audience to feel the weight of his loss more profoundly.
  • The use of sound, particularly the lawnmower, is a strong choice that underscores the chaos and noise of the academy, contrasting with the intimate moment between Hattie and Turner. However, the sound could be used more strategically to enhance the emotional beats of the scene. For example, when Hattie expresses her distress, the lawnmower could fade into the background to emphasize her words.
  • The embrace between Hattie and Turner is a touching moment, but it could be more visually descriptive. Adding sensory details about the hug—such as the warmth of Hattie's embrace or the scent of her perfume—could deepen the emotional impact and create a more vivid image for the audience.
  • The scene concludes with Hattie encouraging Turner, which is uplifting, but it may feel slightly abrupt given the heavy context of the previous scene. A more gradual transition from the emotional weight of Hattie's visit to the lighter moment of humor could enhance the flow and pacing.
Suggestions
  • Consider revising the introduction of the white boy with the lawnmower to either integrate him more smoothly into the scene or reduce his presence to maintain focus on Hattie and Turner.
  • Expand the dialogue between Hattie and Turner to include more subtext about family and loss, allowing for a deeper emotional connection between the characters.
  • Experiment with the sound design by fading the lawnmower noise during key emotional moments to enhance the intimacy of Hattie's dialogue.
  • Add sensory details to the embrace between Hattie and Turner to create a more vivid and emotionally resonant moment.
  • Smooth the transition from the heavy emotional context of the previous scene to the lighter moments in this scene to improve pacing and flow.



Scene 30 - Hope and Despair in the Infirmary
76 INT. NICKEL ACADEMY - INFIRMARY - 1966 - DAY (D43) 76

SOUND of someone whistling, cheerful and fluttering.

Elwood POV, still lying on his stomach, opens his eyes and
sees an old wooden polio wheelchair with a boy in it get
pushed clackety-clack past his bed by Nurse Scarlett. The
boy’s whistling is interrupted by deep sighs and groans.

Nurse Scarlett walks past again going the other direction,
pulling a pack of menthol cigarettes from her uniform pocket.

TURNER (O.S.)
How you making out here, hero?

Elwood turns over slowly, painfully, to see Turner now in a
wheelchair by the bed opposite him. A new pair of denim
dungarees hang over the back of a chair.




(CONTINUED)
76 CONTINUED: 76

TURNER (CONT'D)
There’s four ways out of Nickel and
you were almost awarded one for
“ineffective heroism”.

ELWOOD (O.S.)
What are the other ways?

TURNER
(enumerating)
Serve your time (or age out). Court
might intervene (if you believe in
miracles). You could die (they
could kill you). You could run.

Elwood turns away to brood. He sees DOCTOR COOKE (white, 30s)
walk past, go to a glass case of bottles and boxes of
medicine, unlock it, and reach for the big bucket of aspirin.
Then he walks down the row of beds to a white boy who’s
moaning. He pulls a thermometer from the boy’s mouth, glances
at it, drops 2 aspirin in the kid’s palm and exits through a
white curtain.

TURNER (O.S.) (CONT'D)
How you like that witch doctor.

Turner rolls up to Elwood, clackety-clack in the wheelchair.

TURNER (CONT'D)
Come in here with your damn head
cut off and he’d give you aspirin.

Elwood laughs, but it hurts.

TURNER (CONT'D)
Come in here, head cut off, both
legs, both arms cut off, and that
witch doctor would be like, ‘You
want one tablet, or two?’

ELWOOD (O.S.)
(half laughing)
How’d you get in here?

TURNER
Ate some soap powder, an hour of
stomach ache for a whole day off.
Or two. I know how to sell it. Got
some more powder hidden in my sock,
too. Thought I’d take me a
vacation.




(CONTINUED)
76 CONTINUED: (2) 76

ELWOOD (O.S.)
Aren’t you worried they’ll know
you’re faking it? Whistling happy
like that?

TURNER
I ain’t faking- that soap powder is
awful. But it’s me choosing, not
anyone else.

He coaxes the stuck wheels of the chair and huffs away as Dr.
Cooke comes over on his rounds.

DR. COOKE
Turner, you again? I told you not
to eat the food!

TURNER
What else am I supposed to eat,
Mister Cooke?

Cooke gives him an aspirin.

DR. COOKE
Doctor.

He looks at Elwood.

DR. COOKE (CONT'D)
Yeah, they got you good.

He walks off, exiting. SOUND of a radio being turned on
somewhere behind it, unexpectedly tuned to classical music.

Elwood shifts painfully around in the bed.

CUT TO:


TURNER POV as he glimpses the blood on Elwood’s sheets. He
stifles a gasp.

Elwood turns swiftly to look at him, just as Turner looks
away, pretending not to have seen.

The invalid boy behind the curtain suddenly makes a HEAVY
SIGH and Elwood and Turner startle.

ELWOOD
Go look. See who it is. Ask what’s
wrong with him.

TURNER (O.S.)
I ain’t asking nobody shit.


(CONTINUED)
76 CONTINUED: (3) 76

ELWOOD
Scared?

TURNER (O.S.)
Damn, you don’t know. Pop back
there for a look, maybe you have to
trade places with him. Like in a
ghost story.

Elwood laughs at him. Turner starts to wheel himself over to
pull back the curtain, when they suddenly he hear Spencer’s
JANGLING keys and his voice.

SPENCER (O.S.)
(from down the ward)
Where’s Dr. Cooke? I need to talk
with him.

Turner watches Elwood curl into a ball on the bed, sweating,
covering himself completely with a sheet.

ELWOOD
(quietly)
Do they do it like that to
everybody?

TURNER (O.S.)
(quietly; confessing)
I never been sent down to the White
House. I got smacked across the
face for smoking once.

ELWOOD
I have a lawyer. He can do
something.

TURNER (O.S.)
You already got off lucky.

ELWOOD
How?

TURNER (O.S.)
Sometimes they throw you in Hell. A
sweatbox up in the eaves below that
tar roof. Sweat your soul outta
you.

ELWOOD
Huh.

TURNER (O.S.)
Sometimes they take you and we
never see your ass again.


(CONTINUED)
76 CONTINUED: (4) 76

ELWOOD
What?

TURNER (O.S.)
Your family asks the school what
happened and they say you ran away.
I’ll show you sometime, show you
something that’s not in books,
where it is. Boot Hill.

Elwood takes this in.

CUT TO:

Elwood’s POV.

TURNER (CONT'D)
Problem is Elwood, you didn’t know
how it works. You wanted to do some
Lone Ranger shit- run up and save a
boy. Mike and them punked out Corey
a long time ago. They play rough.
That’s how they do.

ELWOOD (O.S.)
I saw his face, he was scared.

TURNER
You don’t know what makes him tick.
You won’t know what makes anybody
tick. I used to think out there is
out there, and once you’re in here,
you’re in here. But now that I been
out and I been brought back, I
know. In here and out there are the
same, but in here no one has to act
fake anymore.

ELWOOD (O.S.)
If everyone looks the other way,
then everybody’s in on it. If I
look the other way, I’m as
implicated as the rest.

Turner is silent.

ELWOOD (O.S.) (CONT'D)
It’s not how it’s supposed to be.

TURNER
Don’t nobody care about s’posed to.
The fix has always been in- game’s
rigged.



(CONTINUED)
76 CONTINUED: (5) 76

ELWOOD (O.S.)
That’s what I’m telling you.
It’s not like the old days. We can
stand up for ourselves.

TURNER
That shit barely works out there-
what do you think it’s going to do
in here?

ELWOOD (O.S.)
You say that because there’s no one
out there sticking up for you.
I got my grandmother, I got a
lawyer.

Turner is cut to the quick- a flash of pain, even jealousy.
Any intent he had to give Elwood the manila envelope from
Hattie, dissolves. He rolls clickety-clack across the room,
dodging obstacles as he speaks about them.

TURNER
(deliberately hurtful)
Yeah? How long it been since you
heard from them? You got to watch
how people act, what they do, and
then you got to figure out how to
get around them like an obstacle
course. If you want to walk out of
here.

ELWOOD (O.S.)
Graduate.

Turner spins the wheelchair in a circle-

TURNER
Walk out of here. You think you can
do that? Watch and think and plan?
Cuz nobody else is going to get you
out- not your grandma, not your
lawyer. Just you.

- then pulls back the curtain around the invalid boy. Both
Turner and Elwood are surprised to see the bed is empty.


77 ARCHIVAL FOOTAGE - 1960S 77

SILENT. A Black man runs a shell game on the surface of a
makeshift table set up on a city sidewalk, luring a small
crowd of gamblers and onlookers.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In the infirmary of Nickel Academy, Elwood, a hopeful boy, converses with the cynical Turner about the grim realities of their institution, including the threat of harsh treatment and the futility of escape. As they discuss their fears and survival strategies, the cheerful presence of a boy in a wheelchair contrasts sharply with the dark atmosphere. The scene culminates in tension when Turner reveals the empty bed of the invalid boy, leaving a lingering sense of unease.
Strengths
  • Strong dialogue
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Plot advancement
Weaknesses
  • Some cliched lines
  • Lack of visual variety in setting

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene is well-crafted, with strong dialogue, emotional depth, and significant character development. It effectively conveys the bleak atmosphere of the institution and sets up important plot points.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of survival and manipulation in a brutal institution is effectively portrayed through the dialogue and interactions between Elwood and Turner, adding depth to the narrative.

Plot: 8.5

The plot is advanced significantly in this scene, with key revelations about the characters' motivations and the challenges they face, setting up future conflicts and developments.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces fresh and compelling situations, such as the boys' attempts to navigate the oppressive environment of Nickel Academy and the moral dilemmas they face. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and contribute to the authenticity of the setting.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Elwood and Turner are well-developed in this scene, with their personalities, motivations, and struggles coming to the forefront. Their dynamic and conflicting viewpoints add depth to the narrative.

Character Changes: 8

Both Elwood and Turner undergo subtle changes in this scene, with their perspectives and beliefs challenged, setting the stage for potential growth and transformation in future events.

Internal Goal: 8

Elwood's internal goal is to maintain his sense of morality and justice in a corrupt and oppressive environment. He wants to stand up for what is right and protect others, despite the risks involved.

External Goal: 7

Elwood's external goal is to survive and escape the abusive environment of Nickel Academy. He is seeking ways to avoid punishment and find a way out of the institution.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

There is a high level of conflict in the scene, both internal and external, as Elwood and Turner grapple with their circumstances and the harsh realities of Nickel Academy.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting ideologies and motivations driving the characters' actions. The audience is left uncertain about the outcomes, adding to the tension and drama.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in the scene, as Elwood and Turner grapple with the harsh realities of Nickel Academy and the challenges they face in navigating the oppressive environment.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by revealing key information, deepening character relationships, and setting up future conflicts and resolutions.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists and turns in the characters' interactions and decisions. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how the conflicts will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the idea of survival versus morality. Turner represents a cynical worldview where self-preservation is the only option, while Elwood believes in standing up for what is right, even in the face of danger.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a strong emotional impact, evoking feelings of empathy, tension, and hope as the characters navigate their challenges and confront difficult truths.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is sharp, engaging, and reveals important information about the characters and their relationships. It effectively conveys the emotions and tensions present in the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense emotional conflict, vivid character interactions, and high stakes. The dialogue and actions of the characters draw the audience in and create a sense of urgency and tension.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the characters' fates. The rhythm of the dialogue and actions enhances the emotional impact of the scene.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions. The formatting enhances the readability and impact of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format that effectively conveys the tension and conflict between the characters. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness in building suspense and emotional depth.


Critique
  • The dialogue between Elwood and Turner effectively captures their contrasting perspectives on survival within the oppressive environment of Nickel Academy. However, some lines could benefit from tightening to enhance the flow and impact of their exchanges. For instance, Turner's lengthy explanations about the different ways to escape could be more concise, allowing for a sharper delivery of his cynicism.
  • The scene's tone oscillates between humor and despair, which is a powerful juxtaposition. However, the humor sometimes feels forced, particularly in Turner's jokes about the doctor. While humor can serve as a coping mechanism, it might be more effective if it were more subtle or interspersed with moments of genuine vulnerability to deepen the emotional resonance.
  • The visual elements, such as the empty bed behind the curtain, serve as a strong metaphor for the uncertainty and fear that permeate the boys' lives. However, the scene could benefit from more sensory details to immerse the audience further in the setting. Describing the sounds, smells, and sights of the infirmary could enhance the oppressive atmosphere and make Elwood's pain more palpable.
  • The introduction of Nurse Scarlett and her actions, such as smoking menthol cigarettes, adds a layer of complexity to the scene. However, her character could be developed further to explore her role within the institution. Is she complicit in the system, or does she have her own struggles? A brief moment of internal conflict or a revealing line could add depth to her character.
  • The transition to archival footage at the end of the scene feels abrupt. While it serves to connect the narrative to broader historical themes, it might be more effective if the transition were smoother, perhaps by incorporating a line of dialogue or a visual cue that leads into the archival footage, creating a more cohesive narrative flow.
Suggestions
  • Consider tightening the dialogue, especially Turner's explanations about the different ways to escape, to create a more impactful and concise exchange.
  • Subtlety in humor can enhance the emotional depth of the scene. Aim for moments where humor arises naturally from the characters' interactions rather than feeling forced.
  • Incorporate more sensory details to enrich the setting of the infirmary, enhancing the oppressive atmosphere and making Elwood's pain more tangible.
  • Develop Nurse Scarlett's character further by adding a line or moment that reveals her internal conflict regarding her role in the institution, providing a more nuanced portrayal.
  • Create a smoother transition to the archival footage by incorporating a line of dialogue or visual cue that connects the present moment to the historical context, enhancing narrative cohesion.



Scene 31 - Confrontation and Camaraderie at Nickel Academy
78 INT. NICKEL ACADEMY - STAIRWELL - 1966 - DAY (D44) 78

Elwood POV walking up the stairs at Nickel. He’s about eight
steps from the landing and a turn to the next staircase when
Griff appears coming down the stairs above, hugging close to
the railing. He passes Elwood, moving through him- hard- with
his huge shoulder.

He body-checks Elwood, who is spun 180 degrees. Elwood grabs
the rail and stops in his place, and watches Griff continue
down the stairs.

ELWOOD (O.S.)
I’m not scared of you.

Just before he turns the corner, Griff looks back and SMILES,
giving him a nod of respect. Then he disappears from sight.


79 EXT. NICKEL ACADEMY - BEHIND A BUILDING - 1966 - DAY (D45) 79

Elwood POV, seated on the grass, leaning against a wall, legs
splayed on the ground, left arm resting on his thigh, right
hand weaving a gauze bandage around the fingers of his left
hand, twisting them into a weird shape, then pulling it taut.


80 INT. NICKEL ACADEMY - SMALL GYMNASIUM - 1966 - DAY (D46) 80

Turner POV looking up into the raised boxing ring from his
position standing on the ground beside it. Two or three other
boys also look on. Turner’s gaze is centered and absently
focused on Griff sparring with Black Mike. He’s quick and
lithe but he’s getting clobbered by Griff.

Turner’s gaze focuses on Black Mike’s back and shoulder as it
presses against the ropes of the ring, moving forward and
back. Each time he presses against the rope, there’s a little
impression left in his shoulder. Black Mike takes a
pummeling, wavers and sinks on his ass.

Griff spits out the mouthpiece and bellows, raising a gloved
hand. He gestures to Turner, waving him in.

GRIFF
You know you miss it.

TURNER (O.S.)
(shaking his head)
Oh no, all you Griff.

Griff climbs out through the ropes, unspent energy to spare
as the others unlace his gloves.



(CONTINUED)
80 CONTINUED: 80

He feints a punch right at Turner’s face. Turner dodges it
insanely fast. Griff smirks. Uh-huh.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary Elwood stands his ground against Griff's aggressive body-check, asserting his lack of fear, which earns him a nod of respect from Griff. The scene shifts to Elwood tending to a bandage on his hand before moving to the gymnasium where Griff dominates a sparring match against Black Mike. Turner observes the match and shares a playful moment with Griff, highlighting their camaraderie. The scene captures the tension of intimidation and the underlying bonds between the characters.
Strengths
  • Intense confrontation
  • Character development
  • Emotional impact
Weaknesses
  • Limited dialogue

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys a sense of tension and conflict through the interaction between Elwood and Griff, as well as Elwood's response to the situation. The dialogue and actions contribute to a strong emotional impact.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene revolves around the theme of resilience in the face of adversity, as Elwood stands up to Griff's intimidation. The scene effectively explores power dynamics and character development.

Plot: 8

The plot is advanced through the confrontation between Elwood and Griff, setting up future conflicts and character arcs. The scene adds depth to the narrative and establishes key relationships.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on themes of bullying, resilience, and self-assertion, with authentic character actions and dialogue that feel true to the setting and time period.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters of Elwood and Griff are well-developed in this scene, showcasing their contrasting personalities and motivations. Elwood's defiance and Griff's aggression add layers to their characters.

Character Changes: 8

Elwood's character undergoes a subtle change as he stands up to Griff and asserts his defiance. This moment marks a shift in his attitude and sets the stage for future growth.

Internal Goal: 8

Elwood's internal goal in this scene is to stand up for himself and assert his bravery in the face of intimidation and violence. This reflects his deeper need for self-respect and courage.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to navigate the dangerous and challenging environment of Nickel Academy without succumbing to the pressures and threats around him.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The level of conflict in the scene is high, with physical aggression and emotional tension driving the interaction between Elwood and Griff. The conflict sets the stage for future developments.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with clear power dynamics and conflicts that challenge the protagonist and drive the narrative forward.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in the scene as Elwood confronts Griff, risking further aggression and retaliation. The outcome of the confrontation has significant implications for the characters involved.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by establishing key character dynamics and conflicts. It sets up future plot developments and adds depth to the narrative.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected actions and reactions of the characters, keeping the audience on edge and unsure of the outcome.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the themes of power, control, and resilience. It challenges Elwood's beliefs about standing up to bullies and the consequences of defiance in a hostile environment.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene has a strong emotional impact, evoking feelings of tension, defiance, and resilience in the face of adversity. The audience is likely to be emotionally engaged with the characters and their struggles.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the tension and power dynamics between Elwood and Griff. The sparse but impactful dialogue enhances the emotional impact of the confrontation.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense and suspenseful atmosphere, compelling character interactions, and high stakes.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the characters' struggles.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene adheres to the expected format for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions that enhance the visual storytelling.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear and engaging structure, effectively building tension and conflict through the characters' actions and dialogue.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the tension and hierarchy within Nickel Academy through the physical confrontation between Elwood and Griff. The body-check serves as a clear representation of Griff's dominance and Elwood's vulnerability, which is a strong visual element.
  • Elwood's assertion of 'I’m not scared of you' is a powerful moment that showcases his inner strength and determination, despite the physical intimidation he faces. However, this line could be enhanced by adding a moment of hesitation or fear before he speaks, which would make his defiance more impactful.
  • The transition from the stairwell to the grass behind the building is smooth, but the scene could benefit from more sensory details to immerse the audience in the environment. Describing the sounds of the academy, the feeling of the grass, or the warmth of the sun could enhance the atmosphere.
  • Turner's perspective in the gymnasium provides a nice contrast to Elwood's earlier experience, but the scene lacks emotional depth in Turner's observation of the sparring match. Adding internal thoughts or feelings about the fight could deepen the audience's connection to Turner and his perspective on violence and competition.
  • The dialogue in the gym scene is minimal, which works well for the tension, but it could be enriched with more banter or commentary from Turner or the other boys. This would help to establish their camaraderie and the culture within the academy.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment of hesitation or fear for Elwood before he asserts that he is not scared of Griff. This would make his defiance feel more earned and relatable.
  • Incorporate more sensory details in the descriptions of the settings, such as the sounds, smells, and textures, to create a more immersive experience for the audience.
  • Enhance Turner's perspective during the sparring match by including his internal thoughts or feelings about the fight, which would provide insight into his character and the dynamics of violence in the academy.
  • Introduce more dialogue or banter among the boys in the gym to establish their relationships and the culture of competition, making the scene feel more alive and engaging.
  • Consider using Elwood's gauze bandaging as a metaphor for his emotional state, perhaps reflecting on his injuries not just physically but also emotionally, to deepen the thematic resonance of the scene.



Scene 32 - Reassignment at Nickel Academy
81 EXT. NICKEL ACADEMY - GROUNDS - 1966 - DAY (D47) 81

Elwood POV waiting with a group of boys as the old tractor
that will haul them out to the fields in the wooden trailer
backs up toward them. Blakeley is lecturing them.

BLAKELEY
Boys, you gotta toughen up. Spider
bite, busted ankle, what’s next?
The count’s been off. We can’t have
those inspectors coming out here
thinking that y’all are lazy or
that I’m not working you hard
enough.

TURNER (O.S.)
(calling out)
Mr. Blakeley. Mr. Blakeley, sir!

Elwood turns with Blakeley to see Turner approaching.

TURNER (CONT'D)
Elwood’s been reassigned.

BLAKELEY
Reassigned by who?

TURNER
Harper. Mr. Harper sir. We’re short
of hands.

He points to the Community Service van behind him. Harper is
waving to Blakeley from outside the driver’s side.

BLAKELEY
Well we’re short of hands too, son.

TURNER
Can we take him, sir ?

BLAKELEY
(sighing; to Elwood)
You keep your nose clean.

ELWOOD (O.S.)
Yessir.




(CONTINUED)
81 CONTINUED: 81

Elwood follows Turner. They approach the white van from
behind. A large BLOOM OF RUST is visible on the front fender.

CUT TO:

Turner’s POV as he turns around and walks backward,
registering that Elwood is walking with difficulty from the
beating he got. In the background, behind Elwood and
interspersed among the waiting group of boys, are some GROWN
MEN wearing the Nickel uniform.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary Elwood and a group of boys await an old tractor while Blakeley lectures them on hard work. Turner informs Blakeley of Elwood's reassignment due to a labor shortage, which Blakeley reluctantly accepts, warning Elwood to stay out of trouble. As Turner notices Elwood's difficulty walking from a previous beating, the scene highlights the oppressive atmosphere of Nickel Academy in 1966, culminating in Elwood following Turner towards a van, signaling a shift in his circumstances.
Strengths
  • Effective portrayal of the oppressive atmosphere
  • Strong performances from the actors
  • Clear establishment of power dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Dialogue could be more impactful in certain moments

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys the oppressive atmosphere of Nickel Academy, introduces a new plot development with Elwood's reassignment, and sets up tension and conflict among the characters.


Story Content

Concept: 8.5

The concept of reassignment at Nickel Academy adds depth to the story, showing the constant challenges and struggles faced by the boys. It also sets up future conflicts and character development.

Plot: 8

The plot progresses with the introduction of Elwood's reassignment, adding a new layer of complexity to his journey at the academy. The scene sets up future events and conflicts effectively.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on the theme of survival in a harsh environment, with authentic dialogue and actions that feel true to the setting.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters are well-defined, with clear motivations and relationships established. The authority figures and the boys are portrayed realistically, adding depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 7

While there are hints of character development, particularly with Elwood's reassignment, the scene focuses more on establishing the setting and conflicts. Future scenes may delve deeper into character changes.

Internal Goal: 8

Elwood's internal goal in this scene is to survive and navigate the oppressive environment of Nickel Academy while maintaining his integrity and dignity.

External Goal: 7

Elwood's external goal is to adapt to the reassignment and continue to endure the challenges presented by the academy.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The scene is filled with conflict, both internal and external, as the boys navigate the oppressive environment of Nickel Academy. The power struggles and physical challenges create a tense atmosphere.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Elwood facing challenges from authority figures and the oppressive system of Nickel Academy.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in the scene as the boys face physical challenges, authority figures, and the oppressive environment of Nickel Academy. The consequences of their actions are significant.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing a new plot development with Elwood's reassignment. It sets the stage for future events and conflicts, driving the narrative forward.

Unpredictability: 7

The scene is somewhat predictable in terms of the power dynamics and conflicts established, but there is still a sense of uncertainty in Elwood's fate.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between the values of survival and integrity. Elwood must decide whether to comply with the oppressive system or resist it at the risk of further punishment.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from anxiety and fear to hope and determination. The harsh conditions and the characters' reactions create a strong emotional impact on the audience.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue effectively conveys the power dynamics and tension among the characters. It sets the tone for future interactions and conflicts, but could have been more impactful in certain moments.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense dialogue, high stakes, and the sense of impending conflict.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the characters' struggles.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene adheres to standard formatting conventions for a screenplay, making it easy to follow and visualize.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a traditional format for a dramatic moment in a screenplay, effectively building tension and conflict.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes the oppressive environment of Nickel Academy through Blakeley's harsh lecture, which sets a tone of fear and urgency. However, the dialogue could be more dynamic to enhance the tension. Blakeley's lines feel somewhat repetitive and could benefit from more varied language that reflects his frustration and authority.
  • Turner's introduction is well-timed, but his dialogue lacks emotional weight. While he informs Blakeley about Elwood's reassignment, it would be more impactful if Turner expressed concern for Elwood's well-being, given the context of Elwood's previous beating. This would deepen the emotional stakes of the scene.
  • The visual description of the rust on the van is a strong detail that symbolizes decay and neglect, but it could be expanded to include more sensory elements. For instance, describing the sounds of the tractor or the atmosphere of the grounds could immerse the audience further into the setting.
  • Elwood's physical struggle is noted, but the scene could delve deeper into his internal state. Adding a brief moment of introspection or a flashback could illustrate the emotional and physical toll of his experiences, making his character more relatable and sympathetic.
  • The transition from the dialogue-heavy interaction to the visual of the rusted van feels abrupt. A smoother transition could enhance the flow of the scene, perhaps by incorporating a brief moment of silence or a reaction shot from Elwood that reflects his feelings about the reassignment.
Suggestions
  • Revise Blakeley's dialogue to include more varied language that conveys his frustration and authority more vividly. Consider using metaphors or similes that reflect the harshness of the academy.
  • Enhance Turner's dialogue to include expressions of concern for Elwood, which would add emotional depth and highlight their friendship amidst the oppressive environment.
  • Incorporate more sensory details in the visual description, such as the sounds of the tractor or the atmosphere of the grounds, to create a more immersive experience for the audience.
  • Add a moment of introspection for Elwood that reveals his internal struggles, perhaps through a brief flashback or a reflection on his situation, to deepen the audience's connection to his character.
  • Create a smoother transition between the dialogue and the visual of the van by including a moment of silence or a reaction shot from Elwood that conveys his feelings about the reassignment.



Scene 33 - A Glimpse of Freedom
82 INT. COMMUNITY SERVICE VAN - NICKEL ACADEMY - 1966 - DAY 82
[CONTINUOUS] (D47)

Elwood POV as they climb into the van’s front seat bench,
Elwood beside the window, Turner in the middle, Harper at the
wheel. Harper looks over at Elwood as he pulls out.

HARPER
Turner here says you can keep your
mouth shut, and that you’re not a
math dummy.

ELWOOD (O.S.)
What are we doing?

Elwood looks over his shoulder at the back of the van: boxes
of NOTEBOOKS, pencils, erasers, toothpaste and etc. All
issued by the GOVERNMENT OF THE STATE OF FLORIDA.

TURNER
It’s taking things and making sure
they end up where they’re supposed
to end up in the end.

ELWOOD (O.S.)
Uh-huh.

TURNER
Sometimes the State gives us more
than we strictly need. So we pass
it on.

ELWOOD (O.S.)
For a fee?

TURNER
“Community Service”.

Elwood nods, leans back in his seat, as Harper drives through
the campus grounds.

Harper fiddles the radio dial to a staticky country station.


(CONTINUED)
82 CONTINUED: 82

HARPER
It used to be worse in the old
days, from what my aunt says. But
the State cracked down and now we
only lay off the south campus
stuff.

ELWOOD (O.S.)
You mean the Negro students’ stuff.

HARPER
We had this good ole boy who used
to run Nickel, Roberts, who
would’ve sold the air you breathe
if he could’ve. Now that was a
crook!

Elwood looks out the window. Conscious of Turner eyeing him.

ELWOOD (O.S.)
It had to end up somewhere.

TURNER
Beats the fields. If you ask me.

It’s Elwood’s first trip out in the free world since arrival.
The air is cool in his lungs and everything outside the
window dazzles, as they drive away from the Nickel campus.

HARPER
Beats getting mangled in a machine.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In a community service van at Nickel Academy in 1966, Elwood, Turner, and Harper engage in a conversation about their morally ambiguous task of transporting government supplies, which Elwood realizes are meant for marginalized students. As they drive away from the campus, Elwood experiences the outside world for the first time, feeling the cool air and observing the scenery, contrasting with his previous confinement. The scene highlights the ethical implications of their actions and leaves Elwood in contemplation of the corruption at Nickel Academy.
Strengths
  • Effective portrayal of power dynamics
  • Compelling dialogue
  • Realistic depiction of corruption and survival
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development in this specific scene

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys the oppressive atmosphere of the academy while showcasing the characters' struggles and the corrupt system they are a part of. The dialogue and interactions between the characters add depth to the narrative, and the scene sets up further conflict and character development.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of 'community service' as a cover for corruption and exploitation is compelling and adds depth to the narrative. The scene effectively introduces this concept and sets the stage for further exploration of power dynamics and survival.

Plot: 8.5

The plot progresses as Elwood is introduced to the corrupt practices at Nickel Academy, setting up future conflicts and character arcs. The scene moves the story forward by revealing the harsh realities faced by the boys and the challenges they must overcome.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on the concept of community service and explores the moral dilemmas faced by the characters. The dialogue feels authentic and reveals the characters' inner conflicts.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-developed, with distinct personalities and motivations. Elwood, Turner, and Harper stand out as they navigate the oppressive environment of the academy and interact with each other in meaningful ways.

Character Changes: 7

While there are subtle shifts in the characters' perspectives and interactions, the scene primarily focuses on introducing the dynamics of power and corruption at Nickel Academy. Future scenes are likely to delve deeper into character development and growth.

Internal Goal: 8

Elwood's internal goal is to understand the true nature of the community service they are involved in and to navigate the moral complexities of their situation.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to navigate the community service activities and understand the dynamics of the State's involvement in their lives.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict in the scene is palpable, with power struggles, corruption, and the harsh realities of the academy creating tension among the characters. The scene sets up future conflicts and challenges for the characters to overcome.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene adds complexity and conflict, creating obstacles for the characters to overcome.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in the scene as the characters navigate a corrupt system, face challenges, and strive for survival at Nickel Academy. The consequences of their actions and decisions are significant, adding tension to the narrative.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by introducing the concept of 'community service' and the corrupt practices at Nickel Academy. It sets up future conflicts, character arcs, and plot developments, driving the narrative towards resolution.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected revelations about the characters' motivations and the moral complexities they navigate.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict is evident in the discussion of ethics and morality surrounding the community service activities and the State's actions.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from distress and disillusionment to hope and resilience. The characters' struggles and the oppressive environment create a sense of empathy and investment in their journey.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue effectively conveys the tension, cynicism, and hope present in the scene. It adds depth to the characters and drives the narrative forward, setting up future conflicts and developments.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the tension and mystery surrounding the characters' activities, as well as the moral dilemmas they face.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene builds tension effectively, keeping the reader engaged and moving the story forward at a steady pace.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to the expected format for a screenplay, with clear scene descriptions and character dialogue.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with well-defined character interactions and progression of events.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures Elwood's first experience outside the confines of Nickel Academy, which is a significant moment for his character. The contrast between the oppressive environment of the academy and the freedom of the outside world is palpable, enhancing the emotional weight of the scene.
  • The dialogue between the characters is engaging and reveals important information about the corrupt practices at Nickel Academy. However, the exposition could be more subtly woven into the conversation to avoid feeling overly expository. For instance, instead of stating that they pass on supplies for a fee, it could be implied through their actions or a more nuanced conversation.
  • Harper's character comes across as somewhat one-dimensional, primarily serving as a vehicle for exposition. Adding more depth to his character through subtle hints of his motivations or backstory could make him more relatable and complex.
  • The use of Elwood's point of view is effective in immersing the audience in his experience, but it could be enhanced by incorporating more sensory details. Describing the sights, sounds, and smells outside the van could further emphasize the contrast between the academy and the outside world.
  • The scene's pacing is generally good, but the transition from the van's interior to the outside world could be more pronounced. A brief moment of reflection from Elwood as he takes in the scenery could heighten the emotional impact of his first taste of freedom.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment where Elwood reflects on his past experiences at Nickel Academy as he looks out the window, which would deepen his emotional journey and provide context for his current feelings.
  • Introduce a small conflict or tension within the van, such as a disagreement between Harper and Turner about the ethics of their actions, to create more dynamic interactions and character development.
  • Incorporate more visual and auditory details to enhance the atmosphere of the scene. For example, describe the sounds of the van, the feel of the cool air, or the sights of the outside world to create a more immersive experience.
  • Explore Harper's character further by giving him a moment of vulnerability or a hint of regret about their actions, which could add complexity to his role and make the audience question his motivations.
  • Consider ending the scene with a more poignant moment, such as Elwood's realization of the injustice of the situation or a brief moment of hope as he takes in the world outside, to leave a lasting emotional impact.



Scene 34 - Curiosity and Camaraderie at Nickel Academy
83 EXT. NICKEL ACADEMY - INTAKE BUILDING - 1966 - DAY (D48) 83

Elwood POV walking down a paved walk, following an alligator
at a distance as it takes and turn and lumbers toward the
intake building.

Elwood’s gaze is steady on the reptile, but he is also
looking around for another witness as the alligator’s TAIL
disappears inside the building.

SPENCER’S VOICE is audible coming from within as Elwood
approaches and stops to peek in from outside. He can only see
a bit of the INTAKE ROOM, but can make out the designations
on the chalkboard: Grub, Explorer, Pioneer, Ace. Spencer is
giving the talk to a new crop of Nickel boys.

SPENCER (O.S.)
...you boys are in charge of
everything.
(MORE)



(CONTINUED)
83 CONTINUED: 83
SPENCER (O.S.) (CONT'D)
Make the concrete blocks in all
these buildings you see here, lay
the bricks, take care of all this
grass. The State’s increased our
acreage, and we’ll have you
planting more citrus groves next.
Work keeps you level. (beat) And
oranges are good for you.

Elwood POV looks for the alligator. It seems long gone. But
when Elwood looks down at his feet, he finds it standing
right beside him.


84 OMITTED 84


85 INT. NICKEL ACADEMY - REC ROOM - 1966 - DAY (D49) 85

Elwood POV writing in a NOTEBOOK he got from the back of the
Community Van. We get a glimpse of some dates, a list as
Elwood’s gaze shifts to Black Mike crossing his field of
vision toward Turner.

CUT TO:

Turner POV reading a dilapidated comic book. A shadow creeps
over the page. He looks up to see Black Mike standing there,
deliberately blocking his light. He flips Elwood’s penny.

TURNER (O.S.)
(sarcastic)
Bad penny?

Black Mike bucks at Turner, but Turner doesn’t flinch. Black
Mike guffaws and walks away. Turner scans the room. A chess
set with the missing pieces replaced by some handmade from
soap; stuffing dribbling from the couches and armchairs;
initials and epithets gouged into tables.

His gaze lands on Elwood, who hasn’t noticed anything and is
busily writing in a notebook.

Turner returns to his comic, turns the page.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary Elwood walks through Nickel Academy, intrigued by an alligator that leads him to the intake building. He listens to Spencer as he addresses new boys about their responsibilities, emphasizing the value of work and oranges. In the rec room, Elwood writes while Turner reads a comic, and Black Mike playfully teases Turner, who remains unfazed. The scene captures the boys' interactions, blending curiosity with humor amidst the academy's environment.
Strengths
  • Effective use of symbolism
  • Compelling atmosphere
  • Realistic character interactions
Weaknesses
  • Sparse dialogue
  • Limited character development for secondary characters

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively combines elements of tension, reflection, and introspection, creating a compelling atmosphere. The introduction of the alligator adds an intriguing layer of danger and symbolism to the scene.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene, focusing on the juxtaposition of mundane activities with underlying tension and power dynamics, is well-executed. The introduction of the alligator as a symbolic element adds depth to the narrative.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene revolves around Elwood's observation of the alligator and his interactions with the other boys, highlighting the power dynamics and tensions within Nickel Academy. The scene effectively advances the overall narrative.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a unique setting and situation, exploring themes of oppression and survival in a boarding school environment. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and contribute to the authenticity of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters in the scene, particularly Elwood and Turner, are well-developed and their interactions reveal insights into their personalities and relationships. The dynamics between the boys are portrayed convincingly.

Character Changes: 7

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the interactions and observations contribute to the development of Elwood and Turner's characters. Their responses to the environment reveal aspects of their personalities.

Internal Goal: 8

Elwood's internal goal in this scene is to navigate the oppressive environment of Nickel Academy while maintaining his sense of self and dignity. It reflects his deeper need for autonomy and justice in an unjust system.

External Goal: 7

Elwood's external goal is to survive and navigate the challenges of Nickel Academy, including labor expectations and interactions with other boys like Black Mike and Turner.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The scene has a moderate level of conflict, primarily stemming from the power struggles and tensions among the boys at Nickel Academy. The presence of the alligator adds an element of external conflict and danger.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicts between the characters and the oppressive system of Nickel Academy creating obstacles for the protagonist.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are moderately high in the scene, as the power dynamics and tensions among the boys at Nickel Academy create a sense of danger and uncertainty. The presence of the alligator adds an element of risk to the setting.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by providing insights into the daily life and challenges faced by the boys at Nickel Academy. It sets the stage for future developments and deepens the understanding of the characters and their dynamics.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected interactions between the characters and the underlying tension in the oppressive environment of Nickel Academy.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between the oppressive system of Nickel Academy that dehumanizes the boys and their individual desires for freedom and dignity. This challenges Elwood's beliefs in justice and fairness.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a somber and reflective mood, with moments of tension and introspection. The interactions between the characters and the presence of the alligator create a sense of unease and anticipation.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue in the scene is sparse but effective, conveying the tension and power dynamics among the boys. The interactions between the characters are realistic and contribute to the overall atmosphere of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its detailed descriptions, realistic dialogue, and the sense of tension and conflict between the characters.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged in the unfolding events.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and follows the expected format for a screenplay, making it easy to visualize the setting and character actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with well-defined settings and character interactions. It effectively sets up the oppressive atmosphere of Nickel Academy.


Critique
  • The scene effectively uses Elwood's point of view to create a sense of curiosity and tension as he follows the alligator, which serves as a metaphor for the unpredictable and dangerous environment of Nickel Academy. However, the transition from the alligator to Spencer's voice could be smoother to maintain the flow of the narrative.
  • Spencer's dialogue is informative but lacks emotional weight. While it outlines the responsibilities of the boys, it could benefit from more vivid language or anecdotes that illustrate the harsh realities they face, making it more impactful.
  • The moment when Elwood finds the alligator beside him is a strong visual cue, but it could be enhanced by exploring Elwood's internal thoughts or feelings about the alligator's presence. This could deepen the symbolism of the alligator as a representation of danger lurking in unexpected places.
  • The scene shifts abruptly from the intake building to the rec room without a clear transition. This could disorient the audience. A brief moment of reflection or a visual cue could help bridge the two locations more effectively.
  • Turner's interaction with Black Mike adds a layer of camaraderie and tension, but it feels somewhat disconnected from Elwood's storyline. Integrating Elwood's perspective during this moment could strengthen the narrative cohesion and highlight his reactions to the dynamics between Turner and Black Mike.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief internal monologue for Elwood as he follows the alligator, reflecting on his feelings about the academy and the uncertainty of his situation. This could enhance character depth and audience connection.
  • Revise Spencer's dialogue to include more vivid imagery or personal anecdotes that illustrate the boys' experiences at Nickel Academy. This would make the exposition more engaging and relatable.
  • Create a smoother transition between the alligator scene and Spencer's speech by incorporating a moment where Elwood reflects on the alligator's symbolism before shifting focus to the intake room.
  • Incorporate Elwood's perspective during the interaction between Turner and Black Mike to provide insight into his feelings about the camaraderie and tension among the boys, enhancing the emotional stakes of the scene.
  • Consider using more descriptive language to paint a clearer picture of the rec room environment, emphasizing the dilapidation and neglect that reflects the boys' experiences at Nickel Academy.



Scene 35 - Balancing Act at Nickel Academy
85A INT. NICKEL ACADEMY - DORMITORY - 1966 - DAY (D49) 85A

Elwood POV from where he’s seated on a bed, of Turner walking
a line of tiles on the dorm floor, trying to keep his balance
like it’s a sobriety test. Jaime is also hanging out with
them.




(CONTINUED)
85A CONTINUED: 85A

TURNER
(mimicking Blakeley)
“Keep your nose clean.”

Elwood and Jaime laugh. Turner adjusts an imaginary tie.

ELWOOD (O.S.)
I can smell it on him in the
morning. Whoo...

TURNER
(in Spanish)
Borracho.

JAIME
(nodding)
Enough reasons to drink here.

TURNER
You think he went here?

ELWOOD (O.S.)
Huh?

TURNER
They say his name’s in the
sweatbox.


86 OMITTED 86


86A ARCHIVAL FOOTAGE - 1960S - [DELIBERATELY REPEATED] 86A

SILENT. In the front yard of a suburban home with a white
picket fence, two young Black brothers play. One helps launch
the other into a back flip.


87 OMITTED 87


87A INT. NICKEL ACADEMY - REC ROOM - 1966 - DAY (D49) 87A

Two boys are playing ping pong in the rec room when a small
lizard suddenly runs across the table.

The lizard crawls up the pants of a boy.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In the dormitory of Nickel Academy in 1966, Elwood watches as Turner humorously mimics a character named Blakeley while attempting to walk a line of tiles, prompting laughter from Elwood and Jaime. They engage in a light-hearted discussion about drinking habits and speculate on whether a certain individual attended the academy, with Turner referencing the 'sweatbox.' The scene captures their camaraderie and humor before transitioning to archival footage of two young Black brothers playing.
Strengths
  • Authentic dialogue
  • Camaraderie between characters
  • Humorous tone
Weaknesses
  • Limited plot progression
  • Low conflict level

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively balances humor and cynicism, offering insight into the characters' relationships and personalities while providing a brief respite from the heavier themes of the screenplay.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of showcasing the lighter side of the boys' relationships within the oppressive environment of Nickel Academy is well-realized, offering a glimpse into their humanity and resilience.

Plot: 7

While the scene does not significantly advance the main plot, it serves as a valuable moment of character development and relationship building, contributing to the overall narrative.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces fresh elements such as the mention of the 'sweatbox' and the subtle exploration of coping mechanisms in a challenging environment. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The scene effectively highlights the personalities of Elwood, Turner, and Jaime through their banter and interactions, showcasing their humor, resilience, and camaraderie.

Character Changes: 4

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, it further solidifies the bond between Elwood, Turner, and Jaime, showcasing their resilience and camaraderie.

Internal Goal: 8

Elwood's internal goal in this scene is to maintain a sense of humor and camaraderie with his friends, despite the oppressive environment of the academy. This reflects his need for connection and resilience in the face of adversity.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to navigate the challenges and dangers of the academy, as hinted by the mention of the 'sweatbox' and the mysterious figure of Blakeley.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 3

While there is a hint of conflict with the mention of the 'sweatbox,' the scene primarily focuses on camaraderie and humor, resulting in a low conflict level.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is subtle but hints at future challenges for the characters, adding a layer of suspense and uncertainty to the narrative.

High Stakes: 2

The stakes are relatively low in this scene, focusing more on character dynamics and humor rather than intense conflict or high-risk situations.

Story Forward: 5

The scene does not significantly move the main story forward but adds depth to the characters and their relationships, enriching the overall narrative.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable due to the mysterious mention of the 'sweatbox' and the subtle foreshadowing of future conflicts. The audience is left intrigued about the characters' fates.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the characters' coping mechanisms in a restrictive environment. Turner's humor and Elwood's resilience contrast with the harsh reality of the academy.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The scene elicits a light-hearted and amused emotional response from the audience, providing a moment of levity within the overall narrative.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is witty, engaging, and reveals insights into the characters' personalities and relationships, adding depth and authenticity to the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the dynamic interactions between the characters, the hint of mystery surrounding Blakeley, and the subtle tension underlying the humor.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and maintaining the audience's interest. The rhythm of the dialogue and actions contributes to the scene's overall effectiveness.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and easy to follow, with concise descriptions and effective scene transitions. It aligns with the expected format for a screenplay set in a boarding school setting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a coherent structure that sets up the characters' dynamics and hints at future conflicts. It adheres to the expected format for a character-driven drama.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the camaraderie among Elwood, Turner, and Jaime, showcasing their ability to find humor in their oppressive environment. However, the humor feels somewhat disconnected from the gravity of their situation at Nickel Academy, which could be explored further to deepen the emotional impact.
  • Turner's mimicry of Blakeley adds a layer of levity, but it might benefit from a stronger connection to the overarching themes of the story. Consider integrating more context about Blakeley's character or the implications of his authority to enhance the stakes of the humor.
  • The dialogue flows naturally, but the use of Spanish by Turner feels slightly out of place without further context. It could be beneficial to clarify the significance of this language choice, perhaps by having Elwood or Jaime respond in a way that highlights their relationship or cultural background.
  • The transition to archival footage feels abrupt and lacks a clear thematic connection to the preceding scene. It would be more effective if the footage tied back to the characters' experiences or emotions, reinforcing the contrast between their current lives and the innocence of childhood.
  • The scene ends with a humorous moment about the sweatbox, but it could be strengthened by exploring the implications of that reference. A brief moment of reflection from Elwood or Turner could ground the humor in the reality of their situation, reminding the audience of the stakes involved.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment of vulnerability or reflection after the humor to balance the tone and remind the audience of the harsh realities the characters face.
  • Integrate more context about Blakeley’s character and his impact on the boys to enhance the humor and its implications.
  • Clarify the significance of Turner's use of Spanish by incorporating a response from Elwood or Jaime that reflects their relationship or cultural identity.
  • Strengthen the transition to archival footage by ensuring it connects thematically to the characters' experiences, perhaps by juxtaposing their current struggles with the innocence of childhood.
  • Include a brief moment of reflection from Elwood or Turner regarding the sweatbox reference to ground the humor in the reality of their situation and reinforce the stakes.



Scene 36 - Chaos on the Campus
88 EXT. NICKEL - GROUNDS - 1966 - LATE AFTERNOON (D50) 88

Elwood POV sitting beside Turner on a lawn on the campus
grounds. They’re just, sitting. SOUND of wind in the leaves.
Birds. Sun dappling. A breath of peace.

TURNER (O.S.)
My Aunt Mavis made sure I had nice
clothes for school and three meals.
A guy at the Houston airport
started seeing her. He taught me
how to box. The day I put myself
between Aunt Mavis and his fist, he
took me out for ice cream. "Bring
this boy the biggest sundae you
got." Every bite was like another
sock in the mouth.

ELWOOD
I guess I wouldn’t want them to
visit, either. (pause) What about
your real father?

A GROUP OF FIVE BOYS spills out of the gymnasium. Boxers in
training, their hands still taped, they’re supposed to go for
a run through campus. Instead, fooling around, they throw
some light punches and one BOY splashes water on a few of
them. They begin to chase the boy, who veers towards Elwood
and Turner.

All the boys are now charging toward them at full speed.
Turner starts to back up in alarm, Elwood tries to pull him
down as the boy being chased, then the other boys in pursuit
run right at them.

TURNER (O.S.)
(shouting)
Hey hey! Look out!

CUT TO:

Turner’s POV, panicking as he looks past Elwood at the boys
charging. At the last moment Turner leans back and looks up
as two boys hurdle over them- and in that split second they
are not boys but two GROWN MEN in Nickel uniforms- and
continue their horseplay out of frame.

CUT TO:

Elwood’s POV as Turner leaps to his feet.




(CONTINUED)
88 CONTINUED: 88

TURNER (CONT'D)
(completely freaking out)
Jackasses! They know I hate that
shit! Fuck y’all! Fuck!

Elwood reaches out and touches him. Turner whips his head
around to look at Elwood, tears in his eyes.


89 OMITTED 89


89A ARCHIVAL FOOTAGE - 1960S 89A

A television commercial promoting Florida, the “Sunshine
State” - happy white people frolicking on beaches, water
skiing, reeling in big fish, drinking orange juice.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary On the peaceful campus grounds in 1966, Elwood and Turner share a reflective moment as Turner recounts a painful memory involving his Aunt Mavis and a boxing mentor. Their tranquility is shattered when a group of boys bursts out of the gym, playfully charging towards them. This sudden chaos triggers Turner's anxiety and frustration, leading to an emotional confrontation as Elwood attempts to comfort him. The scene shifts from serene to tense, ending with Turner visibly upset and in tears after the boys have passed.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Vulnerability portrayed
Weaknesses
  • Limited plot progression
  • Low external conflict

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys a range of emotions and provides insight into the characters' backgrounds and relationships, creating a poignant and engaging moment.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring the emotional connection between two characters in a challenging environment is compelling and adds depth to the narrative.

Plot: 7.5

While the scene does not significantly advance the main plot, it enriches the character development and emotional resonance of the story.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to exploring trauma and empathy through the lens of childhood innocence and adult experiences. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds depth to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The scene delves into the inner lives of Elwood and Turner, showcasing their vulnerabilities, strengths, and shared experiences, making them more relatable and compelling.

Character Changes: 8

Both Elwood and Turner experience a shift in their emotional connection and understanding of each other, deepening their character arcs.

Internal Goal: 8

Elwood's internal goal in this scene is to connect with Turner on a deeper level and understand his past and emotions. This reflects Elwood's desire for empathy and understanding towards others.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to protect Turner from the charging boys and ensure his safety. This reflects the immediate challenge of unexpected danger and the need for quick thinking and action.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

While there is tension and conflict in the scene, the focus is more on emotional connection and vulnerability rather than external conflicts.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create conflict and challenge the characters, but not overwhelming to the point of resolution. This keeps the audience on edge and invested in the outcome.

High Stakes: 5

The stakes in the scene are more internal and emotional, focusing on the characters' personal struggles and connections rather than external threats.

Story Forward: 6

While the scene does not significantly move the main plot forward, it enriches the character development and emotional depth of the story.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable due to the sudden appearance of the charging boys and Turner's intense reaction, adding a layer of tension and uncertainty to the narrative.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between the innocence and vulnerability of childhood, represented by the boys playing, and the harsh realities of adulthood and trauma, represented by Turner's reaction to the situation. This challenges Elwood's beliefs about the world and the impact of past experiences on individuals.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes a strong emotional response from the audience, drawing them into the characters' struggles and moments of connection.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue effectively conveys the characters' emotions and backgrounds, contributing to the authenticity of their interactions.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the tension and emotional depth created through the characters' interactions and the unexpected turn of events with the charging boys.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotion, with a balance of dialogue and action that keeps the audience engaged and invested in the characters' journey.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions that contribute to the overall atmosphere and mood.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a natural progression of events and character interactions, maintaining a cohesive structure that enhances the emotional impact of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures a moment of peace and camaraderie between Elwood and Turner, contrasting the oppressive environment of Nickel Academy. However, the transition from their intimate conversation to the chaotic interruption by the group of boys feels abrupt. This shift could be smoothed out to maintain the emotional flow.
  • Turner's backstory about his Aunt Mavis and the boxing lesson adds depth to his character, but it could benefit from more emotional resonance. The metaphor of the sundae being like 'another sock in the mouth' is clever, yet it might be more impactful if it were tied more directly to Turner's feelings about his past and current situation.
  • The physical comedy of the boys charging at Elwood and Turner is a nice touch, but the scene could use clearer stakes. What does this moment mean for Elwood and Turner? Is it a moment of levity, or does it trigger deeper fears for Turner? Clarifying this could enhance the tension and emotional stakes.
  • The dialogue is generally strong, but some lines feel a bit on-the-nose, particularly Elwood's question about Turner's real father. This could be rephrased to feel more natural and less like an exposition dump. Consider using subtext to convey Elwood's curiosity without directly asking.
  • The abrupt cut to archival footage feels disjointed from the emotional climax of the scene. While it serves to contrast the boys' reality with the idealized image of Florida, it might be more effective if it were integrated more seamlessly, perhaps as a visual metaphor that reflects the boys' dreams versus their harsh reality.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of reflection from Elwood after Turner shares his story, allowing the audience to see how it affects him emotionally. This could deepen their bond and provide insight into Elwood's character.
  • Enhance the physical comedy by incorporating more sensory details, such as the sounds of laughter or the feeling of the wind, to create a richer atmosphere during the boys' chase.
  • Explore the use of subtext in dialogue to convey deeper emotions. For example, instead of Elwood directly asking about Turner's father, he could make a comment that implies curiosity, allowing Turner to reveal more about his past organically.
  • Revisit the pacing of the scene to ensure a smoother transition between the peaceful moment and the chaos. Perhaps include a brief moment of tension before the boys charge, such as a shared glance between Elwood and Turner that hints at their awareness of the impending disruption.
  • Consider reworking the archival footage placement to either precede the scene, setting the stage for the boys' reality, or integrate it more fluidly at the end, perhaps as a reflection of Elwood's thoughts as he watches the chaos unfold.



Scene 37 - Reflections on Labor and Change
90 EXT. HARDEE HOUSE - PORCH - MARIANNA - 1966 - DAY (D51) 90

Turner’s POV as he and Elwood paint the weathered, faded grey
floorboards of a long porch than runs along the back of a big
pink house with white trim and pillars.

A sparkling blue swimming pool floats in a lush green lawn
surrounded by banana trees, palms and a few pool umbrellas.
An American flag sighs on a pole attached to the house.

A canvas tarp with painting supplies lies nearby.

A voluptuous white woman, MRS. HARDEE (30s, beehive), wearing
Jackie sunglasses and a patterned yellow dress walks toward
them with two glasses of iced orange juice on a platter.

MRS. HARDEE
(approaching)
This is so exciting.

She offers the boys the orange juice.

TURNER (O.S.)
Thank you, Mrs. Hardee, don’t mind
if I do.

ELWOOD
Much obliged, ma’am.

MRS. HARDEE
My great-grandfather built this
place 106 years ago. My husband
proposed to me right there.



(CONTINUED)
90 CONTINUED: 90

She points, then spots a bug on her shoulder and flicks it
off.

MRS. HARDEE (CONT'D)
You boys are so nice to help us out
here.

She turns to go, then pauses.

MRS. HARDEE (CONT'D)
Oh, almost forgot, I have a box of
books to donate to the Nickel
library.

ELWOOD
We can help you with that.

MRS. HARDEE
The box is in the garage-

She points to a garage near the house.

MRS. HARDEE (CONT'D)
It’s Trollope and Austen and
Dickens and people with names like
that. (singsong) Ta-ta!

They watch her saunter back to the house, past a few BICYCLES
and a dusty tire pump leaning against the wall of the porch,
then return to their painting.

ELWOOD
My grandma once lent me out for ten
cents to give Mrs. Lamont’s
outhouse a new coat.

TURNER (O.S.)
Used to be worse around here. When
you graduated you didn’t go back to
your family, you had parole and
they sold your monkey ass to people
in the town. You had to work off
your debt.

ELWOOD
Debt from what?

CUT TO:

Elwood’s POV.

TURNER
I never thought about it that way.



(CONTINUED)
90 CONTINUED: (2) 90

Elwood shakes a new can of “Dixie White”, pries it open and
stirs.

TURNER (CONT'D)
El, don’t go too fast. This can be
a three-day job we play it right.
We till the garden and fix up her
house, she may even adopt our black
asses.

Elwood laughs.

TURNER (CONT'D)
Well not you, you got family. I’d
yessum her for a chance out of
Nickel.

ELWOOD (O.S.)
That ain’t no freedom. Director
Hardee and his wife ain’t supposed
to use us like we’re slaves.

TURNER
All those guys on the school board
have us do chores. Sometimes it’s
favors, sometimes it’s for real
money.

ELWOOD (O.S.)
It’s against the law.

TURNER
The law’s one thing. You can march
and wave signs around and change a
law if you convince enough white
people. I saw the college kids in
Tampa with their nice shirts and
ties sitting at the Woolworth’s. I
had to work, but they were out
protesting. And it happened, they
opened that counter. But I didn’t
have the money to eat there either
way. Gotta change the economics of
all this, too.

ELWOOD (O.S.)
My grandma got me that lawyer, man.
Make a move there, first.

TURNER
The courts play both the white and
the black. They move us around when
they ready.



(CONTINUED)
90 CONTINUED: (3) 90

ELWOOD (O.S.)
We have to be knights. Checkmate.

TURNER
How many people done that, El? Only
four ways outta Nickel.

Just then Harper appears, jogging across the lawn.

TURNER (CONT'D)
A hour late. Fly still open.

Elwood laughs.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary On the porch of the Hardee house in 1966, Turner and Elwood paint while Mrs. Hardee brings them iced orange juice and shares stories about the house's history. As they discuss a box of books for donation, Elwood offers to help. The conversation deepens as Turner and Elwood reflect on their work at Nickel, the economic and legal challenges they face, and the need for societal change. While Mrs. Hardee remains cheerful, the underlying tension of their situation becomes apparent. The scene concludes with Harper jogging onto the lawn, humorously noted by Turner as being late.
Strengths
  • Authentic dialogue
  • Character development
  • Emotional depth
Weaknesses
  • Limited plot progression
  • Low conflict level

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys a sense of bonding and reflection between the characters, providing insight into their thoughts and struggles. The dialogue is engaging and reveals the characters' perspectives on their situation.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of using a simple task like painting a porch to delve into deeper themes of freedom, justice, and the characters' aspirations is well-executed. The scene effectively explores the complexities of their situation.

Plot: 8

While the scene does not significantly advance the main plot, it serves as a crucial moment of character development and relationship building between Elwood and Turner. It adds depth to their motivations and struggles.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces fresh perspectives on racial and economic issues, portraying the characters' experiences with authenticity and depth.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The scene allows for a deeper understanding of Elwood and Turner's personalities, beliefs, and aspirations. Their interactions reveal layers of complexity and provide insight into their inner thoughts.

Character Changes: 6

While there is no significant character change within the scene, it deepens the audience's understanding of Elwood and Turner's motivations, beliefs, and struggles, setting the stage for potential growth.

Internal Goal: 8

Turner's internal goal in this scene is to navigate the racial and economic challenges he faces in Nickel, as well as his desire for freedom and equality.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to help Mrs. Hardee with painting the porch and potentially gain favor with her to improve their situation in Nickel.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 4

While there is an underlying tension related to the characters' struggles at Nickel Academy, the scene focuses more on introspection and camaraderie, resulting in a lower conflict level.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with characters facing internal and external challenges that drive the narrative forward and create conflict.

High Stakes: 5

The stakes in the scene are relatively low, focusing more on personal reflections and interactions between the characters. However, the underlying challenges they face at Nickel Academy add a layer of tension.

Story Forward: 6

The scene does not propel the main plot forward significantly but adds depth to the characters and their relationships. It sets the stage for potential developments and challenges at Nickel Academy.

Unpredictability: 7

The scene is somewhat predictable in terms of character interactions and thematic development, but still maintains interest through its exploration of nuanced issues.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around racial inequality, economic disparity, and the struggle for freedom and justice. Turner and Elwood discuss the limitations imposed on them by society and the need for systemic change.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a sense of empathy and connection with the characters, especially in their shared experiences and aspirations. It provides a poignant moment of reflection and camaraderie.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene is engaging, revealing, and reflective of the characters' personalities. It effectively conveys their emotions, struggles, and hopes through meaningful conversations.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its exploration of complex themes, authentic character interactions, and compelling dialogue.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotional depth, allowing for meaningful character development and thematic exploration.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene adheres to expected formatting standards for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a traditional structure for character development and thematic exploration, effectively balancing dialogue and action.


Critique
  • The scene effectively contrasts the idyllic setting of the Hardee house with the underlying themes of exploitation and systemic racism. The vibrant description of the porch and the swimming pool creates a stark visual juxtaposition to the boys' reality at Nickel Academy, enhancing the emotional weight of their situation.
  • Mrs. Hardee's character is introduced with a light-hearted demeanor, which serves to highlight the innocence and privilege of her life compared to the struggles of Elwood and Turner. However, her dialogue could benefit from deeper layers that hint at her awareness of the boys' circumstances, which would add complexity to her character.
  • The dialogue between Elwood and Turner is engaging and reveals their camaraderie, but it also risks becoming overly expository. While the discussion about their past experiences and the implications of their labor is important, it could be more subtly woven into their banter to maintain a natural flow.
  • Turner's line about the possibility of being adopted by Mrs. Hardee introduces a moment of humor, but it also underscores the desperation of their situation. This duality is effective, yet it could be enhanced by exploring Turner's emotional state more deeply, perhaps through a brief moment of reflection or vulnerability.
  • The scene ends on a light note with Harper's arrival, which provides comic relief but may undermine the gravity of the preceding conversation. A stronger transition or a more poignant closing line could help maintain the emotional tone established earlier in the scene.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment where Mrs. Hardee acknowledges the boys' hard work or expresses gratitude in a way that hints at her understanding of their struggles, which would add depth to her character.
  • To avoid overly expository dialogue, try to incorporate their discussions about the past and the implications of their labor into more organic interactions, perhaps through shared memories or anecdotes that arise naturally during their work.
  • Explore Turner's emotional state more deeply by including a brief moment of introspection or vulnerability after his humorous line about being adopted, which would enhance the emotional complexity of the scene.
  • Revisit the ending of the scene to ensure it aligns with the emotional tone established earlier. Consider a closing line that reflects the weight of their conversation or a moment of silence before Harper's arrival to maintain the gravity of the discussion.
  • Incorporate more sensory details to enhance the atmosphere of the scene, such as the sounds of the environment or the feel of the paint, which would immerse the audience further into the setting.



Scene 38 - Reflections in the Barn
91 INT. NICKEL - BARN - STALL/HIDING PLACE - 1966 - DAY (D52) 91

Faint SOUND of a ball game.

Elwood’s POV, reading one of Mrs. Hardee’s donated books in
Turner’s secret hiding place in a stall of the school’s
dilapidated horse barn. Light streams down through the slats.
Turner’s made a nest on the dirt floor among crates of
industrial scrubbing powder, a pillow, and an army blanket.
He’s got a transistor radio ear plug in his ear, listening to
a ball game.

TURNER
What’s it about?

ELWOOD (O.S.)
A British mother is trying to marry
off her oldest daughter to keep
their estate and title.

TURNER
No one wants to marry her? She
ugly?

ELWOOD (O.S.)
She’s described as having a
handsome face.

TURNER
Damn.

Pause.

TURNER (CONT'D)
I know my mother loved me. She just
loved liquor more.

Elwood looks over the top of his book at Turner.


92 OMITTED 92


92A ARCHIVAL FOOTAGE 92A

TBD, two children playing.


93 EXT. HARDEE HOUSE - POOL - 1966 - DAY (D53) 93

Turner’s POV from underwater as he swims in the Hardee’s
pool. Through the surface he sees Mrs. Hardee sitting in a
chaise longue in a one-piece bathing suit, a floppy sun hat,
and the Jackie sunglasses. She is cooling her neck with a
paper fan. Elwood dips a foot in to check the temperature.

MRS. HARDEE (O.S.)
(very faintly audible)
Use the steps down here at the
shallow end if you can’t swim like
your friend. Take your dungarees
off.

TURNER POV tracks Elwood as he gets up and walks to the
shallow end. A beat, and Turner sees Mrs. Hardee quickly get
up and walk across and out of FRAME, distressed.

Elwood sits on the edge, his legs floating to the surface.
Turner can see them from under the water. The scars on the
back are raised into a terrible maze. He reaches out
underwater, to touch one.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In a hidden stall of a dilapidated horse barn, Turner listens to a baseball game on a transistor radio while Elwood reads a book about a British mother trying to marry off her daughter. Their conversation reveals Turner's introspection about his mother's love, which he contrasts with her alcoholism. The scene shifts to Turner’s perspective underwater in the Hardee's pool, where he notices Elwood's scars, symbolizing vulnerability and connection. The emotional tone is reflective and melancholic, culminating in Turner reaching out to touch Elwood's scars, highlighting their bond.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Rich themes
Weaknesses
  • Limited plot progression
  • Low external conflict

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys a sense of emotional depth and character development through introspective moments and poignant interactions. The themes are richly explored, and the tone is consistent and engaging.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of delving into the characters' past traumas and relationships is compelling and well-executed. The scene effectively explores themes of resilience and the impact of past experiences on the characters.

Plot: 7.5

While the scene does not heavily focus on plot progression, it contributes to the overall character development and thematic exploration. The plot serves as a backdrop for the emotional and introspective moments.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh perspective on themes of love and abandonment, with nuanced character interactions and a unique setting that adds depth to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are richly developed, with complex emotions and histories that drive the scene forward. Their interactions and vulnerabilities add depth to the narrative.

Character Changes: 8

The characters undergo emotional growth and introspection in the scene, revealing new layers of their personalities and histories. Their interactions lead to moments of connection and understanding.

Internal Goal: 8

Turner's internal goal in this scene is to connect with Elwood and share a personal story about his mother, expressing his feelings of love and abandonment.

External Goal: 7.5

The protagonist's external goal is to enjoy a moment of relaxation and escape from his troubled past by listening to a ball game and swimming in the pool.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 5

The scene focuses more on emotional conflict and internal struggles rather than external conflicts. The tension arises from the characters' past traumas and vulnerabilities.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is subtle but effective, adding complexity to the characters' interactions and creating a sense of uncertainty and tension.

High Stakes: 4

The stakes in the scene are more internal and emotional, focusing on the characters' past traumas and personal growth. The emotional stakes are high, but the external stakes are relatively low.

Story Forward: 6

While the scene does not significantly move the plot forward, it deepens the characters' arcs and relationships, providing essential context for their actions and motivations.

Unpredictability: 7.5

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected emotional revelations and shifts in character dynamics that challenge the audience's expectations.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the theme of love and abandonment, as Turner reflects on his mother's choices and struggles with his own feelings of worthiness and belonging.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking feelings of sadness, hope, and nostalgia. The characters' vulnerabilities and struggles resonate with the audience, creating a poignant atmosphere.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is introspective and reflective, adding depth to the characters' inner thoughts and emotions. It effectively conveys the themes of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its emotional depth, relatable characters, and subtle tension that keeps the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene is well-balanced, with moments of reflection and tension that build towards a powerful emotional climax.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is well-executed, with clear transitions and visual cues that enhance the reader's understanding of the setting and character dynamics.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure that effectively builds tension and emotional resonance, leading to a poignant moment of connection between the characters.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures a moment of intimacy and vulnerability between Elwood and Turner, showcasing their friendship amidst the harsh realities of their environment. The contrast between the lighthearted conversation about the book and Turner's poignant reflection on his mother's love for liquor adds depth to their characters.
  • The use of the transistor radio as a background element is a clever way to ground the scene in the time period while also providing a sense of normalcy and distraction from their grim surroundings. However, the transition from the dialogue about the book to Turner's personal revelation feels slightly abrupt. A smoother segue could enhance the emotional impact.
  • The visual imagery of the barn and the makeshift nest Turner has created is evocative, but it could be further developed to emphasize the contrast between their hiding place and the outside world. Describing the sounds, smells, and textures of the barn could immerse the audience more fully in the setting.
  • Turner's line about his mother loving liquor more than him is powerful, but it could benefit from additional context or a follow-up line from Elwood to deepen the emotional exchange. This would allow for a more dynamic interaction and provide insight into Elwood's feelings about family and love.
  • The archival footage of children playing serves as a jarring transition that may disrupt the flow of the scene. While it can serve as a thematic contrast, its placement feels somewhat disconnected from the preceding dialogue. A clearer thematic link or a more gradual transition could enhance coherence.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more sensory details to the barn setting, such as the smell of hay, the sound of distant animals, or the feel of the dirt floor, to create a more immersive experience for the audience.
  • Introduce a brief moment of silence or reflection after Turner's line about his mother to allow the weight of his words to resonate before moving on to the next action or dialogue.
  • Explore the possibility of Elwood responding to Turner's revelation with a personal story of his own, which could create a deeper bond between the characters and enhance the emotional stakes of the scene.
  • Revisit the transition to the archival footage; consider either integrating it more seamlessly into the narrative or using it to punctuate a specific emotional beat in the dialogue.
  • Ensure that the dialogue flows naturally; if there are moments where the conversation feels forced or abrupt, consider revising the lines to maintain a more organic rhythm.



Scene 39 - The Weight of Words
94 INT. NICKEL ACADEMY - DORMITORY - 1966 - DAY (D54) 94

Turner’s POV as Blakeley, tipsy, enters the dorm room with
the monthly mail call. The boys are sitting on their beds,
trading Negro League baseball cards, playing rummy. Elwood’s
writing in his notebook.

BLAKELEY
(Army style)
Desmond! Chickie Pete! Elwood!

Turner sees Elwood look up from his notebook and go to get an
envelope. Chickie Pete with his bald spot gets there before
him. Elwood’s just about to take the envelope from Blakeley
when the house man snatches it back. Faint SOUND of a flask
sloshing somewhere in his pockets.




(CONTINUED)
94 CONTINUED: 94

BLAKELEY (CONT'D)
(alcohol on his breath)
Ain’t seen you much lately Elwood.
You keepin’ your nose clean?

ELWOOD
Yes sir, Mr. Blakeley.

BLAKELEY
(unexpectedly quotes Dr.
King)
“You may have grand designs and
great dreams for yourself, but if
God has decided that your lot is
sweeping streets, work that broom
like Michelangelo painted ceilings,
attack that gutter the way
Beethoven attacked his Ninth
Symphony. Be a bush if you can’t be
a tree. If you can’t be a highway,
just be a trail. If you can’t be a
sun, be a star. Be the best of
whatever you are.”

He hands him the envelope and walks off.

Elwood looks at the envelope and his whole face lights up. He
tears it open and sinks onto his bunk already reading it.
Some newspaper articles are included, an account of a Dr.
King speech, and a color spread on the SPACE RACE. He starts
to read the letter and his face clouds over.

TURNER (O.S.)
(tentative; guilty)
Grandma ok?

ELWOOD
She says she visited and they
wouldn’t let her see me. (reading)
“He’s sick and can’t have no
visitors.” “What’s wrong with him?”
“How the hell should I know, lady?”
(freaking out completely) How can
they do that! Sick? I’m sick?! Look
what they did to me!


95 OMITTED 95


95A OMITTED 95A
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In the dormitory of Nickel Academy in 1966, the atmosphere shifts from playful camaraderie to deep distress when Blakeley delivers the monthly mail. Elwood's excitement turns to anguish as he reads a letter from his grandmother, revealing she was denied visitation due to his supposed illness. The scene captures Elwood's emotional turmoil against the backdrop of the boys' casual activities, highlighting the harsh realities of his situation.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Strong character development
  • Impactful dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Limited external conflict
  • Lack of visual action

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys the emotional impact of Elwood's situation, with strong dialogue and character development. The tension and reflection add depth to the narrative, making it a compelling moment in the story.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene revolves around Elwood's emotional response to the letter, exploring themes of injustice and resilience. The scene effectively conveys these concepts through dialogue and character interactions.

Plot: 8

The plot advances as Elwood grapples with the contents of the letter, deepening the audience's understanding of his character and the challenges he faces at Nickel Academy.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on the theme of racial segregation and personal agency, offering a nuanced portrayal of the characters' struggles. The dialogue feels authentic and adds depth to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters, particularly Elwood and Blakeley, are well-developed in this scene. Elwood's emotional journey and Blakeley's complex nature add depth to the narrative, engaging the audience in their struggles.

Character Changes: 8

Elwood undergoes a significant emotional change in the scene, shifting from hope to despair as he reads the letter from his grandmother. The experience deepens his understanding of the challenges he faces, marking a pivotal moment in his character development.

Internal Goal: 8

Elwood's internal goal in this scene is to maintain his composure and stay focused on his studies despite the challenges he faces. This reflects his deeper desire to succeed and make a better life for himself.

External Goal: 7.5

Elwood's external goal is to cope with the news of his grandmother not being able to visit him and the uncertainty about his health. This reflects the immediate challenges he's facing in the academy.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, as Elwood struggles with the injustice of his situation and the mistreatment he has endured. The tension between his hope and despair drives the emotional core of the scene.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Elwood facing internal and external challenges that create conflict and drive the narrative forward.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are high for Elwood in the scene, as he grapples with the injustice and mistreatment he has faced at Nickel Academy. His emotional turmoil and the uncertainty of his situation raise the stakes for his future.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by revealing more about Elwood's past and his current emotional state. It deepens the audience's connection to the character and sets the stage for future developments in the narrative.

Unpredictability: 7.5

This scene is unpredictable because it introduces unexpected developments in Elwood's personal story and challenges the audience's expectations.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between the idea of personal agency and the oppressive system of the academy. Elwood is torn between his desire to control his own destiny and the limitations imposed on him by the institution.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, eliciting feelings of anger, sadness, and hope in the audience. Elwood's emotional journey and the themes of injustice resonate strongly, creating a poignant moment in the story.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene is impactful, revealing the inner thoughts and emotions of the characters. The quotes from Dr. King and Elwood's grandmother add depth to the conversation, enhancing the scene's emotional resonance.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it presents a compelling conflict and emotional stakes for the characters, drawing the audience into their world and struggles.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a balance of dialogue and action that maintains tension and emotional impact throughout.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings and descriptions that enhance the visual storytelling.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with well-defined character interactions and a progression of events that build tension and emotion effectively.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the tension between Elwood's hope and the harsh reality of his situation at Nickel Academy. The contrast between Blakeley's tipsy demeanor and the serious implications of his words adds depth to the scene.
  • Blakeley's quote from Dr. King serves as a poignant reminder of the aspirations that Elwood holds, juxtaposed with the oppressive environment he is in. However, the delivery of this quote could be more impactful if it were tied more closely to Elwood's current emotional state, perhaps by having Elwood react to it in a way that reflects his internal struggle.
  • Elwood's initial excitement upon receiving the envelope is well-portrayed, but the transition to his distress feels somewhat abrupt. A more gradual build-up to his emotional breakdown could enhance the scene's emotional weight. For instance, including a moment where he hesitates before reading the letter could foreshadow the disappointment he is about to experience.
  • The dialogue is generally strong, but some lines could be tightened for clarity and impact. For example, Elwood's reaction to the letter could be more concise, focusing on the most emotionally charged phrases to convey his feelings more powerfully.
  • The visual elements, such as the boys trading baseball cards and playing rummy, effectively establish a sense of normalcy and camaraderie that contrasts with the gravity of Elwood's situation. However, incorporating more sensory details—like the sounds of the boys' laughter or the smell of the dormitory—could further immerse the audience in the setting.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment of hesitation for Elwood before he opens the envelope, allowing the audience to feel the weight of his anticipation and fear.
  • Enhance Blakeley's delivery of the Dr. King quote by having Elwood react to it in a way that reflects his internal conflict, perhaps by showing a flicker of hope followed by despair.
  • Tighten Elwood's dialogue when he reacts to the letter, focusing on the most emotionally charged phrases to convey his feelings more succinctly.
  • Incorporate more sensory details to enrich the setting, such as sounds and smells, to create a more immersive experience for the audience.
  • Consider using a visual motif, such as the envelope itself, to symbolize Elwood's hopes and the harsh reality he faces, perhaps by showing it crumpled or torn as he reacts to the letter.



Scene 40 - Reflections at Boot Hill
96 EXT. NICKEL - BOOT HILL - 1966 - DAY (D55) 96

Elwood’s POV as Turner leads him to the iron rings used to
restrain boys to two trees on Boot Hill. Elwood moves closer,
drawn by some discernible movement on them. There are ANTS
crawling in and around and on the iron.

TURNER
Bones’d break before they come
loose.

Beat.

ELWOOD (O.S.)
They’ve grown into the heart of the
wood.


97 INT. NICKEL - BARN - STALL/HIDING PLACE - 1966 - DAY (D56) 97

Turner POV. He and Elwood are hanging out in the secret
hiding place in the stall of the old horse barn.

ELWOOD
My mother’s watch.

TURNER (O.S.)
A deck of marked cards.

ELWOOD
Percy’s purple heart. Well, he
threw it away. Feels like I lost
it, though.

TURNER (O.S.)
My big toenail.

Beat.

ELWOOD
That’s all you got?

TURNER (O.S.)
(joking)
Really got nothing left to lose,
ha.

ELWOOD
Makes you one dangerous mothaf-

GRIFF (O.S.)
-Yes, sir. (confused) Sir?

They freeze. SOUND of people entering the barn, talking.


(CONTINUED)
97 CONTINUED: 97

SPENCER (O.S.)
...good sportsmanship means
sometimes letting the other team
win.

CUT TO:

Elwood POV as he and Turner look through the gaps between the
wooden boards of the stall. Griff and Spencer are visible
standing in the barn.

SPENCER (CONT'D)
Sometimes.

GRIFF
(not getting it)
I suppose that’s right, Mr.
Spencer.

SPENCER
Griff, are you receiving me
clearly? You gotta take a dive in
the third round.

GRIFF
You mean- throw the fight? Lose?
Sir.

SPENCER
Third round. Am I getting through
to you? You got that now?

GRIFF
Yessir, Mr. Spencer.

SPENCER
All right then. You know you can
beat him. That’ll have to be
enough...

Spencer herds Griff out of the barn.

SPENCER (O.S.) (CONT'D)
...spirit of the Season of Giving,
Griff.

Turner looks at Elwood.

TURNER
Ain’t that some shit?

ELWOOD (O.S.)
Don’t people bet on this-



(CONTINUED)
97 CONTINUED: (2) 97

TURNER
(angry)
Every year. That match tides us
through a whole 365 days of
humiliations.


98 INT. NICKEL ACADEMY - CLASSROOM - 1966 - DAY (D57) 98

Elwood POV as he watches an ANT march along the window sill.

He looks out the window, through the trees, to the campus
statue that some kids are painting white, and beyond to the
pristine buildings of the white boys’ side of campus.


98A OMITTED 98A


98B OMITTED 98B


99 OMITTED 99
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In a poignant scene at Nickel Academy, Elwood and Turner explore the oppressive environment of their surroundings, sharing personal losses and vulnerabilities in a hidden barn. They overhear Griff and Spencer discussing a fight, revealing the humiliating pressures the boys face. As Turner expresses his disdain for their situation, Elwood reflects on the stark disparities between their lives and those of the white boys on campus, symbolized by his observation of an ant on the window sill.
Strengths
  • Effective tension-building
  • Authentic character interactions
  • Exploration of dark themes
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue may be overly expository
  • Limited visual descriptions

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys a sense of tension and reflection through its dialogue and character interactions. The themes of hope, disillusionment, and anger are well-developed, adding depth to the narrative.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring corruption and manipulation within a reformatory school setting is compelling and adds depth to the overall narrative. The scene effectively conveys the challenges faced by the characters.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene revolves around the revelation of a rigged fight and the characters' reactions to it, adding layers of conflict and tension. It moves the story forward while deepening the themes of betrayal and survival.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces unique elements such as the iron rings used for restraint, the secret hiding place in the barn, and the betting on fights for survival. The dialogue and actions of the characters feel authentic and contribute to the authenticity of the setting.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters in the scene are well-developed, each displaying unique traits and motivations. Their interactions reveal their internal struggles and the external pressures they face.

Character Changes: 8

The characters undergo subtle changes in their perspectives and attitudes, particularly in response to the revelation of the rigged fight. Their interactions reveal new layers to their personalities.

Internal Goal: 8

Elwood's internal goal is to maintain his sense of morality and integrity in the face of corrupt and oppressive systems at Nickel Academy.

External Goal: 7

Elwood's external goal is to survive and navigate the dangerous and unjust environment of Nickel Academy.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The scene has a high level of conflict, both internal and external, as the characters navigate the corrupt system of Nickel Academy and face betrayal and manipulation. The tension is palpable throughout.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with characters facing difficult decisions and moral dilemmas that challenge their beliefs and values.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in the scene as the characters grapple with betrayal, manipulation, and the harsh realities of their environment. The outcome of the rigged fight has significant consequences for their survival.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by revealing key information about the corrupt practices at Nickel Academy and deepening the conflicts between the characters. It sets the stage for further developments in the narrative.

Unpredictability: 7

The scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected actions and decisions of the characters, keeping the audience on edge.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between the values of integrity and survival. Elwood's desire to do what is right clashes with the harsh reality of the oppressive system at Nickel Academy.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene has a strong emotional impact, eliciting feelings of hope, disillusionment, and anger from the characters and the audience. The struggles and challenges faced by the characters resonate on an emotional level.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue in the scene is impactful, conveying the characters' emotions and motivations effectively. It adds depth to the interactions and reveals the tensions between the characters.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its intense dialogue, moral dilemmas, and the sense of danger and injustice present in the environment of Nickel Academy.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the characters' struggles.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings and descriptions that help visualize the setting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format with clear transitions between locations and characters, enhancing the flow of the narrative.


Critique
  • The scene effectively uses Elwood's point of view to create a sense of intimacy and immediacy, allowing the audience to connect with his emotional state as he observes the iron rings and the ants. This imagery serves as a powerful metaphor for entrapment and the harsh realities of life at Nickel Academy.
  • The dialogue between Elwood and Turner is engaging and reveals their camaraderie, but it could benefit from more depth. While the humor about losing personal items is relatable, it feels somewhat superficial given the gravity of their situation. Expanding on their feelings about these losses could enhance the emotional weight of the scene.
  • The introduction of Griff and Spencer adds tension, but the transition from the intimate moment between Elwood and Turner to the external conflict feels abrupt. A smoother transition could help maintain the emotional flow of the scene. Consider building up the tension gradually before introducing the external characters.
  • Spencer's dialogue about sportsmanship and throwing the fight is a strong commentary on the exploitation and manipulation of the boys at Nickel Academy. However, it could be more impactful if it were interspersed with Elwood and Turner's reactions, allowing their emotions to contrast with Spencer's cold pragmatism.
  • The scene ends with Elwood observing an ant on the window sill, which is a poignant visual metaphor. However, it might benefit from a more explicit connection to Elwood's internal struggle or a reflection on the broader implications of what he sees, reinforcing the themes of entrapment and inequality.
Suggestions
  • Consider deepening the dialogue between Elwood and Turner by incorporating more personal reflections on their pasts and the significance of the items they discuss. This could enhance the emotional resonance of their friendship.
  • Introduce the external conflict with Griff and Spencer more gradually, perhaps by having Elwood and Turner overhear snippets of their conversation before they fully enter the scene. This would build tension and anticipation.
  • Incorporate more of Elwood's internal thoughts or feelings as he observes the iron rings and the ants, allowing the audience to understand his emotional state more deeply and connect with his perspective.
  • Add a moment where Elwood and Turner react to Spencer's instructions to Griff, showcasing their frustration or anger at the manipulation of their peers. This could heighten the emotional stakes and reinforce the themes of exploitation.
  • Consider ending the scene with a more explicit reflection from Elwood on the ant he observes, tying it back to his feelings of entrapment and the broader societal issues they face, creating a stronger thematic conclusion.



Scene 41 - Rumble in the Gym: A Divided Fight
100 INT. NICKEL - SMALL GYMNASIUM - BOXING MATCH - 1966 - 100
NIGHT (N58)

The roar of the crowd in the gym where the fight is already
underway. SOUND of the bell ending round “1”.

From where he’s seated in a row of chairs, Elwood’s POV of
SPENCER across the ring on the other side as he stands up and
points into the crowd. Elwood turns to look where Spencer’s
pointing: to the lone pale(r) face of JAIME on the Black
boys’ side in the bleachers. In the row of chairs behind
Spencer, Harper jumps out of his seat and bounds up into the
bleachers.

The black boys HOLLER at Harper, as Jaime, shrugging
resignedly, is hauled over to the white boys’ side.

The student body is crammed into small bleachers on all sides
of the ring and below them two rows of chairs are ringside,
with some kids squatting on the floor. White boys are on one
side and Black boys on the other.

Elwood catches a glimpse of EARL at the table ringside with
the trip-gong and the round number card displaying “2”.
BLAKELEY is seated with him at the table in front of a mic.
The white REFEREE (30s) is talking with them. The two boxers
are sweating and toweling on stools in their corners.



(CONTINUED)
100 CONTINUED: 100

The bell is RUNG. The fight resumes, round “2”.

Elwood’s POV follows Jamie’s move to the white side of the
bleachers, the white boys clapping Jaime hard on the back,
welcoming him as one of their own.

The white boys start up a STOMPING with their feet on the
bleachers, which is picked up on by the Black boys, the
thunder bouncing off the walls as BIG CHET (white, huge)and
GRIFF collide and joust in the ring.

Through the out-of-focus legs and feet of the gladiators,
Elwood’s POV searches the faces on the white side, entranced
by the froth and fury of their hate and enthusiasm.

WHITE BOY 3
(yelling out)
Send him to the undertaker, Big
Chet!

Smug and sure, Spencer takes a swig from a silver flask he
pulls from his jacket and surveys the crowd. His face settles
into a focused scowl.

CUT TO:

Turner’s POV turning away from Elwood’s profile, seated on
chair beside him, toward the invigorated faces of the Black
boys behind them. The combustion of this moment plays out in
their hollers, their sky-pumped fists, the collective torrent
of energy contorting their physical movements and gestures
into a wild kinesthesia.

ELWOOD
Damn... (pause) look at Griff
strut.

TURNER (O.S.)
If I got all this respect... when’s
the next time fools who hate and
fear you are going to treat you
like Harry Belafonte?

SOUND of thuds and thumps as gloves meet bodies, skin on
sweating skin.

CUT TO:

Abstracted CU of boys hollering.

CUT TO:




(CONTINUED)
100 CONTINUED: (2) 100

CU of a boy with his neighbor in a headlock, jumping up and
down.

CUT TO:

Abstracted CU of a boy’s eyes full of haptic passion.

ELWOOD (O.S.)
Do you think he’ll knock him down?

CUT TO:

Abstracted CU of a boy’s knees moving up and down like a
crank shaft.

CUT TO:

CU of a boy’s face suspended in a sublime hope.

ELWOOD (O.S.) (CONT'D)
Turner, that’s a hundred dollar
bill!

CUT TO:

Turner’s wider angle POV, as he turns away from the crowd of
rowdy boys to Elwood, who meets his gaze.

TURNER (O.S.)
Yep. Fat cats from all three
counties. Stakes get higher every
year.

CUT TO:

Elwood’s POV catches, as he turns away from Turner and spies
across the ring and through the legs and bodies clashing in a
blur, the tail end of a bet being placed in the fat cat
section: a well-dressed white man hands a $100 bill to a
neighboring patron. SPENCER, DIRECTOR HARDEE and MRS. HARDEE
are beside them with a few Nickel staff.

TURNER (CONT'D)
Cracker looks like Frankenstein.
Square head, long arms. Look at
those arms, man. Those things are
pistons. Smoked hams.

Through the ropes, Elwood watches Spencer’s line of
spectators across from them, their white faces cool and
composed with excitement, relishing the bloodsport.

SOUNDS of the fight. The crowd bellows and jeers.



(CONTINUED)
100 CONTINUED: (3) 100

Elwood sees another White man lean over and whisper something
into his neighbor’s ear, prompting him to reaching into the
breast pocket of his blazer and pull out a wad of cash, which
he immediately passes to the whispering man, who passes it to
the man beside him, who passes it then to the man who
accepted the $100 bill earlier.

TURNER (CONT'D)
Man, he’s dancing and ducking... Go
right at it! Stick, stick, stick
and move’em.

SHOUTS from directly behind them:

BLACK BOY 3 (O.S.)
Griff’s having ribs for dinner!

SHOUTS in response:

WHITE BOY 4 (O.S.)
C’mon Chet, spray that blood!

WHITE BOY 5 (O.S.)
Knock those white teeth outta that
black boy’s mouth!

SOUND of the bell. The two boys slink over to their
respective corners. Elwood turns his attention away from the
fat cats to Earl, who flips the round number card to “3”,
before reaching in his pocket, pulling out a wad of cash,
beginning to count.

Elwood’s gaze returns to Spencer, who is lighting a cigar, as
if he just closed the business deal of the century.

TURNER (O.S.)
Third round. This is it.

ELWOOD (O.S.)
Earl too, huh.

TURNER
This is it El.

CUT TO:

Turner’s POV turning away from Elwood to look at the split
crowd of black boys and white boys directly behind Earl, the
line separating the two halves invisible, an interface none
the less between two fates, two statuses of citizen.

CUT TO:




(CONTINUED)
100 CONTINUED: (4) 100

CU of a white boy mouthing “get that nigger” in slow motion
and silently.

CUT TO:

CU of a Black boy with both his hands pressing his face in
from each side, distressed at the uncertain outcome of the
final round.

CUT TO:

CU of a white boy with his head tilted, his hand raised over
his head, pulling on something invisible, miming hanging
himself.

SOUNDS of boxing and the crowd’s roar.

CUT TO:

CU of a Black boy’s face partly obscured by his hands in a
clasped position, almost praying, his gaze almost glazed over
in a petrified worry.

ELWOOD (O.S.)
Damn. You don’t think... Griff
could knock out Big Chet by
accident?

CUT TO:

Turner’s POV in a wider shot of the half Black half white
sections, turns to Elwood who again meets his gaze.

CUT TO:

Elwood’s POV turns to Spencer, whose attention on the fight
appears the height of stoicism. His face menacing without
effort, his eyes tracking the movements of the fighters as an
apex predator would.

TURNER
Jab! Jab! Roll that shoulder. Left,
left hook, Griff!

Director Hardee hands someone a cigar. Mrs. Hardee takes one
and everyone watches her blow smoke. Elwood turns back to the
ring, where ringside Black Mike hangs on the ropes.

BLACK BOY 3 (O.S.)
Big Chet’s gonna be toothless as my
granny!




(CONTINUED)
100 CONTINUED: (5) 100

CHICKIE PETE
Witchdoctor give him the whole
bucket of aspirin and he’ll still
have a headache!

WHITE BOY 3 (O.S.)
Send him to the undertaker!

BLACK MIKE
(screaming at Big Chet)
You knock-kneed piece of shit!

The Referee kicks their hands away.

TURNER
He’s making it look good for sure.

Elwood turns and looks again across the brown worn floor of
the ring, through the blurred waltzing limbs of the boxers,
to Spencer and his patrons. Spencer’s expression is clouding,
his cigar dangling out of his mouth, peevish.

TURNER (O.S.) (CONT'D)
He’s putting a hurt on that white
boy at least before he goes down,
makes me feel all right.

Elwood shakes his head. He looks at Jaime, sitting calmly
beside a stoic and controlled Harper. Jamie looks back at
Elwood. A line of BLOOD starts slowly leaking from one of
Jaime’s nostrils.

Suddenly the white side rises to their feet, the Black side
following suit, as the steady increase of raw THUDS from the
ring rises to the level of a rhythmic smashing.

COREY
(stuttering)
KKKkkk’s gonna be crying under
their hoods all week!

Elwood’s POV is still fixed on Spencer, the noise ramps as a
temporal threshold is crossed.

TURNER
(expecting Griff to throw)
He’s about to go. He’s about to
fall.

Big Chet hauls off and squashes Griff’s nose. The Black boys
GROAN. But Griff doesn’t drop.




(CONTINUED)
100 CONTINUED: (6) 100

Elwood’s gaze leaves Spencer to whip over to the fat cats who
are visibly concerned. They lean forward to look periodically
at Spencer who stares at the fighters with a steaming rage.

TURNER (O.S.) (CONT'D)
Now.

But instead, Griff hits Big Chet hard with some body blows.
Chet stumbles backward, his feet partly obscuring Elwood’s
view of Spencer. A steady increase in thuds has crept into
the soundscape: the SOUND of fist against wood, emanating
from the left of Elwood.

Elwood turns to look at Turner whose intensity is a strangled
pain. He looks down to see Turner punching the back of the
chair in front of them, alternating slowly: left... right...
left... right... left. His knuckles are bruised and dotted
with blood.

ELWOOD (O.S.)
... Turner-

A smashing, left... right... left... right... left...

The Black boys ROAR.

ELWOOD (O.S.) (CONT'D)
...Turner!

The SOUND of the fight, the crowd, their cheers, their
stomps, the wet-leather pops of contact, all zero to a
distant atmospheric drone, a unified hum pushed into the
background, creating a sound vacuum around Elwood and Turner.
Finally hearing his name, Turner turns and looks at Elwood.

CUT TO:

Turner’s POV as he stares back at his puzzled, concerned
friend. He looks down at his knuckles. A HOLLOW BELL rings
somewhere - the final bell. Turner fixes unflinchingly on
Elwood’s face. The SOUND of the match and crowd comes ROARING
back.

ELWOOD (CONT'D)
(almost completely drowned
out; lips moving)
This, isn’t the fight.

A beat. Turner nods almost imperceptibly, then turns back to
the fight to see both boxers leaning exhaustedly in their
corners, then looks at Elwood again who is also now looking
in that direction.




(CONTINUED)
100 CONTINUED: (7) 100

ELWOOD (CONT'D)
(alarmed)
Damn.

Turner looks at Spencer, malevolent fury on his face. One of
the white men, red-faced, reaches over and grabs his arm,
barking something at him. Griff, as if suddenly realizing,
lumbers across the ring to the Referee, who consults with the
table man. The noise of the crowd drowns out his words.

Black Mike jumps in the ring to support Griff.

The Referee heads back to the center of the ring, grabbing
Griff’s wrist to lead him, where he’s joined by Big Chet. He
takes Griff’s arm and thrusts it up into the air.

Griff panics, breaks away from his friends and jumps down
into the crowd, trying to move toward Spencer. It’s no use,
the Black boys are clearing the stands and swarming their
champion. They smother and lift him.

GRIFF
(screaming to Spencer)
I thought it was still the second!
I thought it was the second!

He’s still screaming as the Black boys carry him out,
CHEERING and WHOOPING. Griff is looking back over his
shoulder at Spencer, tears pouring from his swollen eyes.

FADE UP SOUND of:

Adult Elwood humming White Christmas along with a radio.

ADULT ELWOOD (O.S.)
(humming only)
I'm, I'm dream-ing, dreaming of a
white, white Christmas. Just like
the ones I used to know-wo...
Genres: ["Drama","Sports"]

Summary In a racially charged boxing match in 1966, the crowd is split between Black and white spectators. Elwood observes the fight, noting the forced segregation of Jaime and the escalating tensions as Griff, the Black boxer, battles Big Chet, the white boxer. As the match intensifies, camaraderie among the Black boys supporting Griff contrasts with the hostility from the white side. Griff ultimately wins, but confusion clouds his victory as he seeks approval from the furious Spencer. The scene concludes with adult Elwood reflecting nostalgically, highlighting the lingering racial divide.
Strengths
  • Intense atmosphere
  • Effective portrayal of racial tensions
  • Strong character development
Weaknesses
  • Potential for stereotypical portrayals
  • Lack of resolution for certain character arcs

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene is well-executed with a high level of tension and emotion, effectively portraying the racial dynamics and high stakes of the boxing match.


Story Content

Concept: 8.5

The concept of the scene, focusing on a pivotal boxing match that highlights racial tensions, is engaging and well-developed.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene revolves around the boxing match and effectively moves the story forward while adding depth to the characters and themes.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh approach to exploring racial tensions and individual identity within the context of a boxing match. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and compelling.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters are well-developed, with their emotions and motivations effectively portrayed during the intense boxing match.

Character Changes: 8

The characters experience emotional shifts and revelations during the intense match, adding depth to their arcs.

Internal Goal: 8

Elwood's internal goal is to navigate the racial dynamics of the boxing match and understand the complexities of identity and belonging.

External Goal: 7

Elwood's external goal is to witness the outcome of the boxing match and understand the implications of the racial divide on the participants.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The level of conflict in the scene is high, with racial tensions, personal stakes, and the physical intensity of the boxing match creating a gripping narrative.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting values and beliefs driving the characters' actions and decisions.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in the scene, with the outcome of the boxing match impacting the characters' relationships and future at Nickel Academy.

Story Forward: 8

The scene effectively moves the story forward by highlighting the racial dynamics and personal struggles of the characters.

Unpredictability: 8

The scene is unpredictable in its portrayal of racial tensions and the unexpected outcome of the boxing match, keeping the audience on edge.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the clash between racial prejudices and individual identity. Elwood is caught between the expectations of his community and his own beliefs.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking feelings of tension, excitement, and concern for the characters involved.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is impactful and enhances the tension and emotion of the scene, reflecting the characters' inner turmoil and the high stakes of the match.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its intense atmosphere, complex character dynamics, and suspenseful build-up towards the climax.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, leading to a climactic moment that resonates with the audience.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene adheres to the expected format for its genre, enhancing the readability and flow of the narrative.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format that effectively builds tension and suspense, leading to a climactic moment.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the racial tensions and the atmosphere of the boxing match, using the physicality of the fight to symbolize the larger societal struggles. The contrast between the Black and white spectators is palpable, enhancing the stakes of the match both for the characters and the audience.
  • Elwood's perspective is well-utilized, allowing the audience to feel his emotional turmoil as he witnesses the fight and the crowd's reactions. The use of sound, particularly the crowd's roar and the boxing sounds, immerses the viewer in the chaotic environment, creating a visceral experience.
  • The dialogue between Elwood and Turner is insightful, revealing their thoughts on respect and the harsh realities they face. However, some lines could be tightened for clarity and impact, as certain exchanges feel slightly meandering and could benefit from more focus.
  • The scene's pacing is generally effective, but there are moments where the transitions between shots could be smoother. The abrupt cuts to close-ups and abstracted shots, while visually interesting, may disrupt the flow of the narrative and could be better integrated to maintain tension.
  • The emotional climax, where Griff realizes he thought the fight was still in the second round, is powerful and serves as a poignant metaphor for the characters' struggles. However, the lead-up to this moment could be heightened with more foreshadowing or tension-building elements to amplify its impact.
Suggestions
  • Consider refining the dialogue to make it more concise and impactful. Focus on key phrases that encapsulate the characters' emotions and perspectives without unnecessary elaboration.
  • Enhance the transitions between shots to create a more cohesive flow. This could involve using sound bridges or visual motifs that connect the various perspectives and reactions of the characters.
  • Incorporate more foreshadowing leading up to Griff's realization about the fight's round. This could involve subtle hints in the dialogue or visual cues that build tension and anticipation.
  • Explore the use of more varied camera angles to emphasize the emotional stakes of the fight. For instance, close-ups of Elwood's reactions could heighten the audience's connection to his internal conflict.
  • Consider adding a moment of silence or a slower pace just before the climax to allow the audience to absorb the tension before the chaos of the fight resumes. This could enhance the emotional weight of Griff's realization.



Scene 42 - Reflections of Christmas Past
101 INT. RESTAURANT KITCHEN - HARLEM - 1968 - NIGHT (N-FF3) 101

... continuing over into Adult Elwood’s (18) POV into the
large industrial sink of a Harlem NY restaurant kitchen. One
of his hands is underwater holding a plate up, and the other
is washing it in a circular motion. The radio is on a shelf
above him. Bustling restaurant kitchen SOUNDS all around him.




(CONTINUED)
101 CONTINUED: 101

ADULT ELWOOD (O.S.)
(humming only)
...Honey, it's where the treetops,
treetops glisten Little bitty,
little bitty, little bitty
children, they'll try to listen...

He pauses to watch rainbows form on the surface of large
soapsud bubbles.

ADULT ELWOOD (O.S.) (CONT'D)
(humming only)
...To hear, hear for the sleigh
bells that are ringing in the snow-
wo-wo.


102 EXT. NICKEL ACADEMY - GROUNDS - 1966 - DUSK (D59) 102

Elwood POV watching some Black boys sitting on each other’s
shoulders circling a tall tree, garlanding Christmas tinsel
and colored lights around it, in a slow, impressive spiral
moving down the widening girth of the tree.


103 OMITTED 103


104 OMITTED 104


105 ARCHIVAL FOOTAGE - 1960S 105

Color 8mm home movie footage (47 sec) of a Christmas morning,
Black boys opening packages under a tree. Baseball gloves,
red sweaters or socks, bowties, boxes of tin army men... They
are boys from a nice house in a nice neighborhood where it’s
quiet at night and nightmare-less.

ASTRONAUT (V.O.)
(Apollo 8, December 24th
1968, orbiting the moon)
I hope that all of you back on
Earth can see what we mean when we
say it’s a rather foreboding
horizon. A rather stark and
unappetizing looking place. We’re
now going over one of our future
landing sites selected in this
smooth region called The Sea of
Tranquility.
(MORE)




(CONTINUED)
105 CONTINUED: 105
ASTRONAUT (V.O.) (CONT'D)
Smooth to make it easy for the
initial landing attempt, in order
to preclude having to dodge
mountains. Now you can see the long
shadows of the lunar sunrise.

SOUND of the static and crackles of the transmission from
Apollo 8, no voices, continues over into...
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In a bustling Harlem restaurant kitchen in 1968, 18-year-old Elwood washes dishes while humming a Christmas tune, lost in nostalgic memories. The scene flashes back to 1966, showcasing Black boys joyfully decorating a Christmas tree and opening presents, highlighting a stark contrast to Elwood's current life. The emotional tone is bittersweet, capturing Elwood's longing for the innocence of childhood amidst the busy kitchen. The scene concludes with a voiceover from an astronaut aboard Apollo 8, describing the moon's surface, further emphasizing the contrast between Elwood's warm memories and his present reality.
Strengths
  • Effective use of juxtaposition
  • Emotional resonance
  • Historical context through archival footage
Weaknesses
  • Low on conflict
  • Limited plot progression

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene effectively conveys a sense of nostalgia, reflection, and hope through the juxtaposition of Adult Elwood's peaceful moment in the restaurant kitchen with the festive activities at Nickel Academy. The archival footage adds depth to the scene and enhances the emotional impact.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of juxtaposing Adult Elwood's peaceful moment with the festive activities at Nickel Academy is compelling and effectively conveys themes of nostalgia, reflection, and hope. The archival footage adds a layer of historical context and enriches the overall concept of the scene.

Plot: 8.5

While the scene does not significantly advance the plot, it provides important character development for Adult Elwood and offers insight into his emotional state and past experiences. The archival footage adds depth to the narrative and enhances the thematic elements of the story.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh perspective on a familiar setting by focusing on the protagonist's internal thoughts and emotions while performing a mundane task. The authenticity of the character's actions and dialogue adds depth and complexity to the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8.8

The scene focuses primarily on Adult Elwood, offering a glimpse into his inner thoughts and emotions through his nostalgic humming and reflective mood. The archival footage also indirectly characterizes the Black boys at Nickel Academy, highlighting their innocence and the contrast with the harsh reality of the institution.

Character Changes: 7

While there is not a significant character change in this scene, it offers a deeper insight into Adult Elwood's emotional state and past experiences, providing a more nuanced understanding of his character and motivations.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to find solace and peace in the mundane task of washing dishes, as indicated by his humming and watching rainbows form on soap bubbles. This reflects his deeper need for escape and tranquility in a chaotic world.

External Goal: 6

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is not explicitly stated, but it can be inferred that he is focused on completing his work in the restaurant kitchen.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 2

The scene is low on conflict, focusing more on introspection, nostalgia, and reflection. The contrast between Adult Elwood's peaceful moment and the festive activities at Nickel Academy creates tension through emotional juxtaposition rather than external conflict.

Opposition: 5

The opposition in the scene is subtle, with the protagonist facing internal conflicts rather than external obstacles.

High Stakes: 3

The stakes in this scene are relatively low, focusing more on introspection, nostalgia, and reflection. While there is emotional depth and thematic resonance, there is no immediate sense of danger or high stakes present.

Story Forward: 6

The scene does not significantly move the main plot forward but provides important character development for Adult Elwood and sets the tone for future events. The archival footage adds depth to the narrative and enriches the overall story.

Unpredictability: 6

This scene is unpredictable because it subverts expectations by focusing on the protagonist's internal thoughts and emotions rather than external action or conflict.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

There is a philosophical conflict between the protagonist's desire for peace and the chaotic environment of the restaurant kitchen. This challenges his beliefs about finding tranquility in everyday tasks.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9.5

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking feelings of nostalgia, reflection, and hope through Adult Elwood's quiet moment in the restaurant kitchen and the festive activities at Nickel Academy. The use of sound, visuals, and archival footage enhances the emotional resonance of the scene.

Dialogue: 8

The scene is mostly devoid of dialogue, relying instead on visual and auditory cues to convey emotion and meaning. Adult Elwood's humming and the archival footage provide a poignant backdrop to the scene, enhancing the overall atmosphere and thematic resonance.

Engagement: 7

This scene is engaging because it immerses the audience in the protagonist's internal world and creates a sense of emotional connection through sensory details and introspective dialogue.

Pacing: 7

The pacing of the scene effectively conveys the protagonist's internal struggle and creates a sense of contemplation and introspection.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is consistent with the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings and descriptions that enhance the visual storytelling.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure that effectively conveys the protagonist's internal struggles and the contrast between his inner world and the external environment.


Critique
  • The scene effectively juxtaposes Adult Elwood's current life with his memories of childhood, creating a poignant contrast between the innocence of his past and the harsh realities he faces as an adult. However, the transition between the kitchen and the memories could be more fluid to enhance the emotional impact.
  • The use of humming and the Christmas tune adds a layer of nostalgia, but it may benefit from a more explicit connection to Elwood's emotional state. Consider incorporating internal monologue or dialogue that reflects his feelings about the past and present, deepening the audience's understanding of his character.
  • The archival footage serves as a powerful visual element, but it feels somewhat abrupt in its introduction. A smoother transition from Elwood's perspective to the archival footage could help maintain the emotional flow of the scene.
  • The astronaut's voiceover provides an interesting thematic contrast, but it may distract from the emotional core of the scene. The connection between the astronaut's observations and Elwood's experiences could be more clearly established to enhance thematic resonance.
  • The scene's pacing is generally effective, but the shift from the kitchen to the archival footage could be tightened to maintain engagement. Consider trimming any unnecessary pauses or transitions that might disrupt the flow.
Suggestions
  • Incorporate a brief internal monologue from Adult Elwood that reflects on his childhood memories as he hums the Christmas tune, providing insight into his emotional state.
  • Consider using a visual motif, such as the soap bubbles, to symbolize Elwood's fleeting memories and the contrast between his past and present, enhancing the thematic depth.
  • Smooth the transition to the archival footage by using a visual cue, such as a close-up of Elwood's face as he smiles at the bubbles, which then fades into the joyful scenes of the boys opening presents.
  • Strengthen the connection between the astronaut's voiceover and Elwood's experiences by incorporating a line that parallels the themes of isolation and longing for connection, tying the two narratives together.
  • Review the pacing of the scene to ensure that each moment flows seamlessly into the next, maintaining the audience's emotional engagement throughout the transitions.



Scene 43 - Reflections of Hope and Disillusionment
106 INT. RESTAURANT KITCHEN - HARLEM - 1968 - NIGHT (N-FF3) 106

... and combines with the ever fainter background SOUNDS of a
busy kitchen around Adult Elwood POV. His hands are
underwater in a deep sink, watching one bubble in particular
that has grown in size and stands above the others. He moves
in a bit closer for a concentrated view of its curve.

The sound of silence and static of the lunar broadcast
continues for 10 seconds.


107 ARCHIVAL FOOTAGE - 1968 107

The Apollo 8 live feed orbiting the moon. The audio continues
through the three astronauts taking turns reading Genesis.

ASTRONAUTS (O.S.)
- In the beginning God created the
heaven and the earth. And the earth
was without form, and void; and
darkness was upon the face of the
deep. And the Spirit of God moved
upon the face of the waters. And
God said, Let there be light: and
there was light. And God saw the
light, that it was good: and God
divided the light from the
darkness.
- And God called the light Day, and
the darkness he called Night. And
the evening and the morning were
the first day.
- And God said, Let there be a
firmament in the midst of the
waters, and let it divide the
waters from the waters. And God
made the firmament, and divided the
waters which were under the
firmament from the waters which
were above the firmament: and it
was so. And God called the
firmament Heaven.
(MORE)


(CONTINUED)
107 CONTINUED: 107
ASTRONAUTS (O.S.) (CONT'D)
And the evening and the morning
were the second day.
- And God said, Let the waters
under the heavens be gathered
together unto one place, and let
the dry land appear: and it was so.
And God called the dry land Earth,
and the gathering together of the
waters called He the Seas: and God
saw that it was good.
- And so from the crew of Apollo 8,
we close with good night, good
luck, Merry Christmas, and God
bless all of you, all of you on the
good Earth.

The broadcast ends, the Apollo 8 color roll jiggles into
place:

WAITER (O.S.)
Saved 1968.

ADULT ELWOOD (O.S.)
Ain’t no saving 1968.


108 EXT. NICKEL ACADEMY - GROUNDS - 1966 - DAY (D60) 108

Turner’s POV from a distance, of the torso of an enormous red
and white papier-mâché Santa Claus, with outstretched arms
and mittened hands, lying at the foot of a large oak tree.
Head nowhere in sight.


109 EXT. NICKEL ACADEMY - GROUNDS - 1966 - NIGHT (N60) 109

Elwood POV standing near the base of a large tree waiting for
something. He watches five boys walking in the darkness
toward him down the large main drive of Nickel. In the
background, three white boys equipped with flashlights are
walking toward their side of campus. SOUND of distant voices
fading in the night, some excitement before a general quiet
falls across the campus.

Then there’s a WHOOPING as the Christmas lights decorating
the campus are turned on. Elwood moves forward from the tree
to get a better view and catches a glimpse of Turner, who is
there with him.

TURNER (O.S.)
The first Christmas here is the
hardest.




(CONTINUED)
109 CONTINUED: 109

Green, red and white bulbs sketch a route of holiday cheer
along the trees and the campus buildings. Far off in the
dark, the big Santa - with his papier-mâché head now on - is
lit up and glowing.

The sublime moment is interrupted by the Community Service
van pulling up behind Elwood, headlights on. Harper is behind
the wheel and looks at Turner, together with Elwood again, as
he cruises by slowly on his way out of campus. A Santa hat is
on his head.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In a bustling Harlem restaurant kitchen in 1968, Adult Elwood reflects on the challenges of the year while watching a bubble in the sink. The scene transitions to archival footage of the Apollo 8 mission, where astronauts read from Genesis, symbolizing creation and the contrast of light and darkness. Elwood expresses skepticism about the possibility of saving 1968, leading to a flashback to 1966 at Nickel Academy, where he observes a festive atmosphere disrupted by the arrival of a Community Service van driven by Harper in a Santa hat. The scene captures the bittersweet nature of the holiday season, juxtaposing moments of cheer with underlying struggles.
Strengths
  • Effective use of visuals
  • Strong emotional impact
  • Introduction of key characters and conflicts
Weaknesses
  • Low conflict level
  • Limited character development in the scene

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys a sense of nostalgia and reflection through the juxtaposition of the Christmas decorations and the somber reality of Nickel Academy. The introduction of Turner adds depth to the narrative and sets up potential conflicts and character development.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring Elwood's first Christmas at Nickel Academy and introducing the character of Turner adds depth to the narrative and sets up potential conflicts and character arcs. The juxtaposition of the festive decorations with the harsh reality of the institution creates a compelling contrast.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene focuses on setting up the atmosphere of the Christmas season at Nickel Academy and introducing key elements that will drive the narrative forward. The scene effectively establishes the setting, tone, and potential conflicts that will unfold.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh approach to exploring historical events and personal reflection, with authentic dialogue and actions.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters of Elwood and Turner are introduced with depth and complexity, hinting at their past experiences and the challenges they face within the institution. The scene sets up potential character development and conflicts that will drive the story forward.

Character Changes: 7

While there are hints of potential character development for Elwood and Turner, the scene focuses more on establishing their backgrounds and the challenges they face. The introduction of Turner hints at a potential shift in dynamics and conflicts that will impact the characters.

Internal Goal: 8

Adult Elwood's internal goal in this scene is to reflect on the events of 1968 and express his disillusionment with the idea of 'saving' the year.

External Goal: 7

Adult Elwood's external goal is to navigate the challenges and changes of 1968, as symbolized by the Apollo 8 broadcast and the Christmas lights at Nickel Academy.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

While there are hints of underlying tensions and challenges within the scene, the conflict level is relatively low as the focus is more on setting up the atmosphere and introducing key elements that will drive the narrative forward.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene adds complexity and challenge to the protagonist's journey, creating uncertainty and tension.

High Stakes: 7

While the stakes are not explicitly high in this scene, the introduction of Turner and the challenges faced by Elwood hint at the potential risks and conflicts that will unfold. The scene sets up the groundwork for higher stakes and tensions in the narrative.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing key elements, such as the character of Turner and the challenges faced by Elwood at Nickel Academy. The scene sets up potential conflicts and character arcs that will drive the narrative forward.

Unpredictability: 7

The scene is unpredictable in its exploration of personal reflection and philosophical conflict, keeping the audience intrigued.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the idea of salvation and change, as represented by the contrasting perspectives of 'saving' 1968 and Elwood's skepticism.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene has a strong emotional impact, capturing the nostalgia and hope of the Christmas season while hinting at the challenges faced by the characters. The contrast between the festive decorations and the somber reality of Nickel Academy evokes a sense of melancholy and reflection.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the emotions and reflections of the characters, setting up the tone and atmosphere of the moment. The interactions between Elwood and Turner hint at their personalities and the dynamics that will unfold.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its blend of historical context, introspection, and symbolic imagery that captivates the audience.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotion, enhancing the impact of the protagonist's reflections.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to the expected format for the genre, enhancing the readability and flow of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format that effectively conveys the internal and external goals of the protagonist.


Critique
  • The scene effectively juxtaposes Adult Elwood's present with his past, using the Apollo 8 broadcast as a metaphor for hope and creation. However, the transition between the two timelines could be more fluid. The abrupt shift from the kitchen to the Nickel Academy grounds might confuse viewers. Consider adding a visual or auditory cue that links the two settings more seamlessly.
  • The use of the Apollo 8 broadcast is a powerful choice, but the dialogue from the astronauts could be more selectively edited to enhance its impact. The lengthy reading from Genesis, while thematically relevant, may detract from the emotional weight of Elwood's experience. Shortening this section or interspersing it with Elwood's reactions could create a stronger emotional connection.
  • The visual imagery of the bubble in the sink is a strong metaphor for Elwood's introspection and the fragility of hope. However, the scene could benefit from more sensory details to enhance the atmosphere. Describing the smells, sounds, and textures of the kitchen could immerse the audience further into Elwood's world.
  • The dialogue at the end, particularly Elwood's line about saving 1968, is impactful but could be expanded to provide more context about his feelings. This line feels somewhat isolated; adding a brief internal monologue or a reaction from Turner could deepen the emotional resonance.
  • The transition to the Christmas lights being turned on is visually striking, but the emotional weight of this moment could be amplified. Consider showing Elwood's reaction to the lights, perhaps reflecting on what Christmas means to him in the context of his current situation, to enhance the poignancy of the scene.
Suggestions
  • Introduce a visual or auditory bridge between the restaurant kitchen and Nickel Academy to create a smoother transition between timelines.
  • Edit the astronauts' dialogue for brevity, focusing on key phrases that resonate with Elwood's journey, and consider interspersing Elwood's reactions to enhance emotional engagement.
  • Incorporate more sensory details in the kitchen scene to create a richer atmosphere that draws the audience into Elwood's experience.
  • Expand Elwood's final line with a brief internal reflection or a response from Turner to provide more context and emotional depth.
  • Show Elwood's emotional reaction to the Christmas lights being turned on, perhaps through a flashback or a moment of reflection, to deepen the impact of the holiday cheer against his current struggles.



Scene 44 - A Tense Reunion
110 EXT. NICKEL ACADEMY - GROUNDS - 1967 - DAY (D61) 110

Elwood POV from where he’s seated at an empty picnic table
he’s staked out under a tree. Families are gathering at two
or three other tables on this warm winter afternoon. It’s a
visiting day.

Elwood sees Hattie before she sees him. She looks years
older, walking slowly toward the area. She’s thinner, her
collar bones trace a line across her green dress.

When she spots Elwood she halts briefly as Elwood gets up,
and then hurriedly sits down across from him.

ELWOOD (O.S.)
Nanna.

They look at each other close, but she finds she can’t hold
his gaze.

COREY (O.S.)
(no stutter)
Can we squeeze in with y’all?

Elwood looks up at Corey, but before he can answer, his
MOTHER (20s), heavily made-up, hair teased 60s-style and
manicured, smiles insecurely and sits down. They are LOUD and
HAPPY beside Hattie, who is church-quiet.

ELWOOD (O.S.)
It’s been a long wait for some good
news.

Hattie nods, coughs (nervously).

HATTIE
Lyndon Johnson’s carrying on
President Kennedy’s civil rights
bill. And if that good old boy is
doing right, you know things is
changing. Be a whole different
thing when you come home, Elwood.
(MORE)

(CONTINUED)
110 CONTINUED: 110
HATTIE (CONT'D)
You pick up right where you left
off, with no more hassle.


ELWOOD (O.S.)
Huh, yeah.

HATTIE
I’m sure Melvin Briggs will have
you. And those books you were
reading ain’t gone nowhere.

ELWOOD (O.S.)
Hmm.

HATTIE
I’ve been taking less work and
spending more time at the church.
And I told the trash men to be
careful with that big truck, the
way they block the road and so
early in the morning, when you can
really hear everyone get out of
bed. Well not everybody. The house
across the way burned down. Burned
a whole day straight. The smoke was
something awful.

Corey’s mother is jittery, looking at herself in a compact.

COREY
You look b-beautiful, mama.

She tucks the compact away, shakes her head, then smiles
unconvincingly.

Elwood reaches across the table and takes Hattie’s hands. Her
fingers tremble, he stills them.

ELWOOD (O.S.)
Nanna, what is it? What’s wrong?

A beat.

HATTIE
El, he’s gone. Mr. Andrews, you
know, our lawyer who’s so
optimistic about your appeal- I
went downtown to see him, I took
the bus. I had paid him $200 which
wasn’t enough.
(MORE)




(CONTINUED)
110 CONTINUED: (2) 110
HATTIE (CONT'D)
But he was so adamant persuasive
with Mr. Marconi that he and his
wife kicked in another $100, and
then that was all right.

ELWOOD (O.S.)
You mean he’s gone... he didn’t...
after all this time...

HATTIE
The landlord was showing the office
to a dentist. When I asked for Mr.
Andrews they just looked through me
like I wasn’t there neither. He
picked up stakes to Atlanta without
a word.

Elwood’s attention ebbs with his spirit... his gaze drifts...
Hattie becomes blurry.

HATTIE (CONT'D)
He took that $300. And he knows, he
said, what we got on our hands is a
“classic miscarriage of justice”. I
know we hoped to have you out of
here by now and I think...

ELWOOD (O.S.)
It’s okay, Nanna.

HATTIE (O.S.)
I let you down, El.

ELWOOD (O.S.)
I’m okay Nanna. I’m hanging in
there.

HATTIE (O.S.)
You got any friends? How about
Turner?

ELWOOD (O.S.)
(taken aback)
Turner? How d’you-

HATTIE
(oblivious)
I didn’t know how I was gonna get
you that package, that day-

Elwood’s gaze slowly fixates on the pulsing of the blood
vessel in his grandmother’s neck.




(CONTINUED)
110 CONTINUED: (3) 110

HATTIE (CONT'D)
(oblivious)
-and there he was. I like him, he’s
polite, looked me in the eye. That
was a real kindness...
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary On a warm winter day at Nickel Academy, Elwood awaits a visit from his grandmother Hattie, who arrives looking frail and anxious. Their reunion is filled with tension as Hattie attempts to reassure Elwood about the changing world, referencing civil rights advancements. However, the mood darkens when she reveals that their lawyer has vanished with the money meant for Elwood's appeal, leaving them hopeless. As they grapple with this devastating news, Elwood comforts Hattie, who feels she has failed him. The scene captures their shared vulnerability against the backdrop of a lively visiting day, highlighting their isolation and the weight of uncertainty that looms over their future.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Realistic dialogue
  • Character development
Weaknesses
  • Slow pacing in some parts
  • Lack of visual variety

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys a range of emotions and provides crucial information about the characters' relationships and struggles. The dialogue is poignant and realistic, drawing the audience into the characters' world.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of family dynamics, hope, and disappointment is central to the scene, providing insight into Elwood's relationships and struggles. The scene effectively explores these themes through the characters' interactions.

Plot: 8

The plot progresses as Elwood receives devastating news about their lawyer, adding a layer of complexity to his situation. The scene moves the story forward by deepening the conflict and highlighting the characters' emotional journeys.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh perspective on the themes of justice and resilience, with authentic character interactions and dialogue that feel true to the time period. The writer's original voice adds depth and complexity to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters, especially Elwood and his grandmother Hattie, are well-developed and portrayed with depth and authenticity. Their interactions reveal their personalities, emotions, and relationships, engaging the audience in their struggles.

Character Changes: 8

Elwood experiences a shift in his emotional state as he processes the news of their lawyer's abandonment. His resilience and strength in the face of disappointment showcase a subtle but significant character change.

Internal Goal: 8

Elwood's internal goal is to maintain his composure and reassure his grandmother, Hattie, despite the disappointing news about his lawyer. This reflects his need for emotional stability and resilience in the face of adversity.

External Goal: 7

Elwood's external goal is to navigate the challenges of his legal situation and maintain hope for his appeal. This reflects his immediate circumstances and the obstacles he faces in seeking justice.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, as Elwood grapples with the disappointment of their lawyer abandoning his case. The emotional conflict drives the narrative forward and adds depth to the characters' arcs.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Elwood facing challenges from both external forces, such as the legal system, and internal conflicts, such as his own emotions and doubts. The uncertainty of his situation adds to the tension.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are high for Elwood as he faces the setback of their lawyer abandoning his case, jeopardizing his chances of getting out of Nickel Academy. The emotional weight of the news adds intensity to the scene.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing a new obstacle for Elwood to overcome, deepening the conflict and setting the stage for further character development. The emotional impact of the scene drives the narrative forward.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected turn of events with Elwood's lawyer and the emotional impact it has on the characters. The audience is left unsure of what will happen next.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the themes of justice, trust, and resilience. Hattie's disappointment in the legal system challenges Elwood's belief in fairness and the power of the law to bring about change.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking feelings of sadness, hope, and empathy in the audience. The poignant interactions between the characters and the devastating news delivered by Hattie resonate deeply.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is poignant and realistic, capturing the emotional nuances of the characters' conversations. It effectively conveys the themes of hope and disappointment, adding depth to the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the emotional depth of the characters and the tension in their interactions. The dialogue is compelling and drives the narrative forward.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotional resonance, drawing the audience into the characters' struggles and motivations. The rhythm of the dialogue enhances the scene's impact.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene adheres to the expected format for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions. The dialogue is well-paced and engaging.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format that effectively conveys the characters' emotions and motivations. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the scene's effectiveness.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the emotional weight of Elwood's reunion with Hattie, showcasing the tension and the passage of time through their physical appearances and dialogue. Hattie's frailty and Elwood's concern for her create a poignant contrast to the earlier scenes of youthful hope and camaraderie.
  • The dialogue is rich with subtext, particularly in Hattie's attempts to reassure Elwood about the changing world outside. However, the optimism she tries to convey feels increasingly hollow as the scene progresses, culminating in the devastating news about their lawyer. This shift in tone is well-executed and heightens the emotional stakes.
  • The introduction of Corey and his mother adds a layer of complexity to the scene, illustrating the broader community dynamics at play. However, Corey's mother's jitteriness could be further developed to enhance the contrast between her superficial happiness and Hattie's somber reality.
  • The pacing of the scene is effective, allowing moments of silence and reflection that emphasize the gravity of Hattie's news. However, the transition from the initial warmth of the picnic setting to the heavy revelation could be more pronounced to enhance the emotional impact.
  • Elwood's internal struggle is subtly portrayed through his physical actions, such as reaching for Hattie's hands. This non-verbal communication is powerful, but the scene could benefit from more explicit internal thoughts or feelings from Elwood to deepen the audience's connection to his emotional state.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of physical interaction between Elwood and Hattie before the heavy news is revealed, such as a hug or a shared laugh, to contrast the impending sadness and make the emotional impact of the news more pronounced.
  • Explore Corey's mother's character further by giving her a line or two that reflects her own struggles or insecurities, which would enhance the theme of facade versus reality present in the scene.
  • Incorporate more of Elwood's internal thoughts or feelings as he processes Hattie's news. This could be done through voiceover or internal monologue to give the audience deeper insight into his emotional turmoil.
  • Strengthen the transition from the warm picnic atmosphere to the somber revelation by using visual cues, such as a change in lighting or sound, to signify the shift in tone.
  • Consider ending the scene with a more definitive emotional beat, perhaps a lingering shot of Elwood's face as he processes the news, to leave the audience with a strong impression of his despair and resilience.



Scene 45 - Echoes of Loss
111 EXT. NICKEL ACADEMY - GROUNDS - 1967 - DAY (D61) 111

Turner POV standing near a seated Elwood, watching as Elwood
twists an oak leaf and pulls the leafy parts off bit by bit.

TURNER (O.S.)
I’m sorry, El. I don’t know why I
didn’t give you that letter. I
guess I was...

ELWOOD
It’s okay, Turner. Doesn’t matter
now anyway.

He contemplates what remains of the leaf, the skeleton and
stem. Four sections torn away. A fifth section of leaf is
still there clinging to the stem, in the deafening silence.

Then Elwood turns his head and looks up at Turner.

CUT TO:

Elwood POV looking up at Turner’s sorrowful face.


112 INT. WIDOWER APARTMENT - NEW YORK - 1975 - DAY (D-FF4) 112

Adult Elwood POV looking down through an empty bed frame at
the faded ghostly outline of a leaf, formed from being
pressed a very long time against the floor.

The bed starts to rise, as if levitating. Adult Elwood looks
up to see his colleague LARRY (20s, burly, Black) wearing a
jumpsuit that says Horizon Movers, picking up that side of
the bed frame. Adult Elwood picks up his side and they move
it from the bedroom, turning it sideways so it will fit
through the door.

LARRY
Elwood this might be solid brass,
man. (beat) I got dibs on this.

ADULT ELWOOD (O.S.)
(shushing him)
Shh... somebody died.




(CONTINUED)
112 CONTINUED: 112

LARRY
In this bed?

On their way through the apartment, they pass a WIDOWER
(70s), bewildered with grief. A YOUNG WOMAN, presumably his
daughter, takes him by the arm and tugs him gently out of
their way. She resembles a younger Hattie.

WIDOWER
(softly; directly to Adult
Elwood as he passes)
But where will we rest?

Adult Elwood looks back at them as he walks with the bed
frame, not seeing their faces again.


113 OMITTED 113


114 OMITTED 114
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In this poignant scene, Turner reflects on his regret for not delivering a letter to Elwood, who responds with understanding, indicating acceptance of the past. The narrative shifts to 1975, where Elwood and his colleague Larry move an empty bed frame through an apartment, encountering a grieving widower and his daughter. The interactions highlight themes of loss and memory, with the widower's poignant question about rest underscoring the emotional weight of grief. The scene captures a somber tone, emphasizing the passage of time and the lingering impact of regret.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Symbolic elements
  • Character development
Weaknesses
  • Minimal dialogue
  • Lack of external conflict

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys a sense of melancholy and reflection through the interaction between Adult Elwood and Larry, as they navigate the physical and emotional weight of memories. The poignant tone and themes of loss are well-executed, drawing the audience into the characters' emotional journey.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring themes of loss, grief, and missed opportunities through the interaction between Adult Elwood and Larry is well-developed and executed. The use of symbolic elements and the focus on emotional depth contribute to the scene's effectiveness in conveying its central themes.

Plot: 8

While the scene does not have a traditional plot progression, it effectively delves into the emotional journey of Adult Elwood as he confronts past memories and experiences. The focus on character development and emotional depth drives the scene forward, creating a compelling narrative within the larger story.

Originality: 9

The scene demonstrates a high level of originality through its fresh approach to exploring themes of grief and loss, as well as its authentic portrayal of characters' emotions and dialogue. The writer's unique voice adds authenticity and depth to the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters of Adult Elwood and Larry are well-developed in the scene, with Adult Elwood grappling with grief and loss, while Larry provides a supportive presence. The emotional complexity of the characters and their interactions adds depth to the scene, enhancing the audience's connection to their journey.

Character Changes: 8

Adult Elwood undergoes a significant emotional change in the scene, confronting past memories and grappling with grief and loss. The interaction with Larry and the symbolic elements of the bed frame contribute to Adult Elwood's character development, highlighting his emotional journey and growth.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to come to terms with past regrets and feelings of guilt. This reflects deeper needs for forgiveness and closure, as well as fears of inadequacy and the consequences of past actions.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to help move a bed frame out of an apartment. This reflects the immediate circumstances of his job as a mover and the challenges of dealing with grief and loss in his work.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 3

The scene focuses more on emotional conflict and internal struggles rather than external conflicts. The tension arises from Adult Elwood's grief and the weight of past memories, creating a sense of emotional turmoil and introspection.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the characters facing internal and external obstacles that challenge their beliefs, values, and actions. The audience is left wondering how the characters will overcome their grief and guilt.

High Stakes: 5

The stakes in the scene are more internal and emotional, focusing on Adult Elwood's personal journey and emotional struggles. The weight of past memories and the sense of loss create a high emotional stakes for the character, driving the scene's impact and resonance.

Story Forward: 7

While the scene does not significantly move the main plot forward, it delves into the emotional depth and character development of Adult Elwood. The exploration of past memories and the weight of grief adds richness to the narrative, enhancing the audience's understanding of the character's journey.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected emotional turns and subtle revelations about the characters' pasts and motivations. The audience is kept on their toes, unsure of how the characters will navigate their grief and guilt.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

There is a philosophical conflict evident in the scene between the characters' actions and the themes of grief, loss, and mortality. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs about life and death, as well as his values and worldview.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking feelings of sadness, nostalgia, and reflection in the audience. The poignant interactions between characters and the exploration of grief and loss resonate on a deep emotional level, drawing the audience into the characters' emotional journey.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue in the scene is minimal but impactful, conveying the emotional weight of the characters' experiences. The interactions between Adult Elwood and Larry are poignant and reflective, adding depth to their relationship and the themes explored in the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its emotional depth, subtle character dynamics, and poignant moments of reflection. The audience is drawn into the protagonist's internal struggles and external challenges, creating a sense of empathy and connection.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by creating a sense of tension and emotional resonance. The rhythm of the dialogue and character movements enhances the mood and atmosphere of the scene.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with proper scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting. The visual descriptions and character actions are clearly presented.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear transitions between time periods and locations. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness in conveying the protagonist's internal and external goals.


Critique
  • The scene effectively juxtaposes Elwood's past and present, using the oak leaf as a powerful symbol of loss and contemplation. However, the transition between the two timelines could be made clearer to enhance the emotional impact. The shift from Elwood's childhood to adulthood feels abrupt, and a smoother transition could help the audience better grasp the significance of the memories.
  • Turner's apology feels sincere, but the dialogue could benefit from more depth. Instead of simply stating 'It’s okay, Turner. Doesn’t matter now anyway,' Elwood could express more about how the letter's absence affects him, adding layers to their relationship and the weight of unfulfilled communication.
  • The visual imagery of the leaf being torn apart is strong, but it could be enhanced with more sensory details. Describing the texture of the leaf, the sound it makes as it tears, or even Elwood's emotional state while he performs this action could create a more immersive experience for the audience.
  • The introduction of the widower and his daughter adds a poignant layer to the scene, but their dialogue could be more impactful. The line 'But where will we rest?' is evocative, yet it could be expanded to reflect the themes of loss and longing more explicitly, connecting it back to Elwood's own experiences.
  • The scene's pacing is generally effective, but the transition from the intimate moment between Elwood and Turner to the more public setting of the widower's apartment could be jarring. A brief moment of reflection or a line of dialogue from Elwood could help bridge this gap, maintaining the emotional continuity.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of reflection from Elwood after Turner speaks, allowing him to articulate his feelings about the letter and their friendship. This could deepen their connection and provide insight into Elwood's emotional state.
  • Enhance the sensory details surrounding the oak leaf, including its texture, color, and the sounds associated with tearing it apart. This will create a more vivid and engaging visual experience for the audience.
  • Clarify the transition between the two timelines by incorporating a visual cue or a line of dialogue that links Elwood's past with his present, reinforcing the thematic connections between the two moments.
  • Expand the dialogue of the widower to reflect more on his grief and loss, potentially drawing parallels to Elwood's own experiences. This could create a stronger emotional resonance and thematic unity within the scene.
  • Consider using a voiceover or internal monologue from Adult Elwood as he moves the bed frame, reflecting on the significance of the moment and the memories associated with it. This could enhance the emotional depth of the scene.



Scene 46 - Under the Portico: A Moment of Reflection
115 EXT. STREET [UNDER PORTICO] - MARIANNA - 1967 - DAY (D62) 115

Elwood POV is under a portico, looking up at himself and
Turner in the reflective surface of its underside.

ELWOOD
We can walk around?

TURNER
We don’t got to make a scene, but
yeah. Don’t look scared.

The white people of Marianna are eyeing them as they pass to
and fro on the sidewalk, trying to account for the two
unescorted Black boys in their state-issued uniforms but
dismissing the thought that it’s beyond their control.

ELWOOD
It’s weird being out here.

TURNER
Wait until you’re out-out.

Turner looks around.

ELWOOD
How would you do it?

TURNER
(understanding the
question immediately)
(MORE)

(CONTINUED)
115 CONTINUED: 115
TURNER (CONT'D)
Well I wouldn’t run into the swamp,
hide in there until the coast is
clear and hitch somewhere West or
North. That’s how they get you. And
you can’t wash no scent off, that’s
only in movies.

Beat.

ELWOOD (O.S.)
... so what would you do?

TURNER
So I’d head out here into the free
world, snatch clothes from a wash
line. Head South, because they
ain’t expecting it. Put as many
miles between me and the dogs as I
can, tire them out. The trick is
not doing what they know you going
to do.

ELWOOD (O.S.)
Yeah, well why wouldn’t they know
you trying not to do what they
think you going to-

Turner throws his arm around Elwood, pulling him closer, and
looks up into the reflective surface above them.

TURNER
-and don’t take no one with you.
Not one of those dummies. They’ll
take you down with them.

ELWOOD
(smiling)
Hmm.

TURNER
(smiling)
Gotta go it alone.

Elwood chuckles and they walk off, emerging from under the
portico into the sun.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary Elwood and Turner, two unescorted Black boys in a predominantly white area, find themselves under a portico in Marianna, 1967, reflecting on their precarious situation. Turner advises Elwood on the importance of strategic thinking and independence for survival, while Elwood expresses curiosity and a hint of optimism. Their dialogue reveals a deep bond and shared understanding of their struggles. The scene captures a mix of tension and camaraderie, culminating in a moment of hope as they walk into the sunlight together.
Strengths
  • Strong dialogue
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
Weaknesses
  • Lack of external conflict
  • Limited plot progression

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene is well-crafted with strong dialogue that reveals the characters' inner thoughts and desires. It sets a reflective and introspective tone while hinting at the hope for a better future.


Story Content

Concept: 8.5

The concept of discussing escape and freedom in the context of the oppressive environment of Nickel Academy is compelling and adds depth to the characters' motivations.

Plot: 8

While the scene doesn't directly advance the main plot, it provides crucial insight into the characters' inner struggles and desires, setting the stage for potential future developments.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on the challenges faced by Black characters in a racially divided society, with authentic dialogue and actions that reflect the characters' experiences.


Character Development

Characters: 9

Elwood and Turner are well-developed characters with distinct personalities and motivations. Their interaction in this scene reveals layers of complexity and adds depth to their relationship.

Character Changes: 7

Both Elwood and Turner experience a subtle shift in their perspectives and aspirations during the scene, hinting at potential growth and change in the future.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to navigate the oppressive and dangerous world they live in while maintaining their sense of self and dignity. This reflects their deeper need for freedom and autonomy in a society that seeks to control and oppress them.

External Goal: 7.5

The protagonist's external goal is to escape the oppressive environment they are in and find a way to freedom. This reflects the immediate challenge they are facing of survival and autonomy in a hostile world.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

While there is an underlying tension due to the characters' circumstances, the scene focuses more on introspection and reflection rather than external conflict.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the characters facing challenges and obstacles that test their beliefs and motivations.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes are more internal in this scene, focusing on the characters' personal desires for freedom and escape rather than immediate external threats.

Story Forward: 7

While the scene doesn't propel the main plot forward significantly, it deepens the audience's understanding of the characters and sets the stage for future developments.

Unpredictability: 7.5

This scene is unpredictable because it introduces unexpected twists in the characters' plans and challenges their beliefs about survival and resistance.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the struggle between conformity and rebellion, as the characters discuss the dangers of following expected paths versus forging their own way. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs about survival and resistance in a society that seeks to control them.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene evokes a sense of empathy and connection with the characters, drawing the audience into their struggles and desires.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is the heart of this scene, driving the emotional depth and character development. It effectively conveys the characters' hopes, fears, and aspirations.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it captures the tension and danger of the characters' situation while developing their goals and motivations in a compelling way.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and conflict, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the characters' journey.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions that enhance the visual storytelling.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, effectively building tension and conflict while developing the characters' goals and motivations.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the tension and unease of Elwood and Turner as they navigate a predominantly white area, highlighting their vulnerability as unescorted Black boys. The dialogue between them feels natural and reflects their camaraderie, which is essential for character development.
  • Turner's advice on escaping is practical and grounded in their reality, showcasing his experience and wisdom. However, the dialogue could benefit from more emotional depth to emphasize the stakes of their situation. While the conversation is informative, it lacks a sense of urgency that could heighten the tension.
  • The use of Elwood's POV adds an interesting visual element, but it could be enhanced by incorporating more sensory details to immerse the audience in the environment. Describing the sounds, smells, and sights of Marianna would create a richer atmosphere and deepen the reader's connection to the characters' experiences.
  • The scene transitions smoothly from the reflective moment under the portico to their emergence into the sunlight, symbolizing hope and the potential for freedom. However, the ending feels somewhat abrupt. Expanding on their feelings as they step into the sun could provide a more satisfying conclusion to the scene.
  • The dialogue contains some moments of humor, particularly in Turner's advice about escaping, which lightens the mood. However, balancing this humor with the gravity of their situation is crucial. The scene should maintain a consistent tone that reflects the seriousness of their plight while allowing for moments of levity.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more sensory details to the setting to create a vivid picture of Marianna and enhance the emotional impact of the scene.
  • Infuse the dialogue with more emotional stakes, perhaps by having Elwood express his fears or hopes more explicitly, which would deepen the audience's connection to his character.
  • Expand the ending to explore Elwood and Turner's feelings as they step into the sunlight, reflecting on their situation and what it means for their future.
  • Maintain a balance between humor and seriousness in the dialogue to ensure the tone remains consistent with the gravity of their circumstances.
  • Incorporate more body language and physical reactions from Elwood and Turner to convey their emotions and the tension of the moment more effectively.



Scene 47 - A Reckless Pursuit
115A EXT. MAIN STREET SIDEWALK - MARIANNA - 1967 - DAY (D62) 115A

Turner’s POV walking with Elwood, sees Elwood’s demeanor
change as he suddenly notices something on the other side of
the street. He darts into the road, moving through the
traffic diagonally across the street. A car HONKS at him.



(CONTINUED)
115A CONTINUED: 115A

TURNER (O.S.)
(panicking)
Elwood! What-

He follows and sees the NOTEBOOK fall out of Elwood’s jacket
into the road.

CUT TO:

Elwood’S POV rushing, maneuvering around the cars, toward
something on the opposite sidewalk. A few HONKs, as then he
slows down and stops abruptly at the sight of DR. MARTIN
LUTHER KING, JR. being abruptly picked up by a white man in a
suit and tie and carried off. He’s a cardboard cut-out.

CUT TO:

Turner’s POV of Elwood looking amazed and confounded as he
catches up to him.

TURNER (O.S.) (CONT'D)
What happened to not making a
scene? You think Rev’rend King’s
out here in Mariana opening
supermarkets?

He holds out the notebook, which Elwood practically grabs
from him as Turner pulls Elwood along the sidewalk.

TURNER (O.S.) (CONT'D)
Why you got to carry that around?
Anyone’d think you a student.

ELWOOD
I’ve been writing everything down.

TURNER (O.S.)
Everything what?

ELWOOD
Our ‘community service’ (beat) The
deliveries, the pay-offs, the yard
work, the chores. The names of
everybody and the dates.

TURNER (O.S.)
Why would you do a thing like that?

ELWOOD
You told me. No one else can get me
out of here, just me.




(CONTINUED)
115A CONTINUED: (2) 115A

TURNER (O.S.)
Nobody ever listens to me, why you
got to start?

ELWOOD
It’s not an obstacle course,
Turner. You can’t go around it, you
have to go through it. Walk with
your head up no matter what they
throw at you.

CUT TO:

Elwood’s POV of Turner.

TURNER
I get it, you mad and need to get
it off your chest, that’s cool, but-

ELWOOD (O.S.)
-I’m telling you. There’s a fifth
way out: Get. Rid. Of. Nickel.

TURNER
They put us in the goddamn ground!

Turner jabs at Elwood. SOUND of a HONKING car HORN.

TURNER (CONT'D)
They going to take you out back,
and bury your ass. God! Then take
me out back, too. Elwood I vouched
for you man, the hell is wrong with
you?!

He watches Turner furiously walk off, then follows him. SOUND
of two loud, quick HONKED HORN blasts. The street noise
increases.

A WHITE WOMAN pushing a pram down the sidewalk toward them
gets visibly panicked and pulls the pram cover over her baby.
The HORN is insistent.

Turner and Elwood split up to walk around the carriage,
Turner ahead on one side, Elwood slightly behind on the
other. Harper pulls up on the other side of the road. He’s
the one HONKING the horn, gesticulating urgently for them to
come back and get in.


116 INT. NICKEL ACADEMY - REC ROOM - 1967 - DAY (D63) 116

Turner’s POV, standing over a chessboard, as he holds out
first one clenched fist then another to Turner.


(CONTINUED)
116 CONTINUED: 116

ELWOOD (O.S.)
This, or this?

Turner tilts his head up, looks at Elwood, then looks back
down at Elwood’s balled fists.

Turner abruptly grabs one of Elwood’s fists and PUNCHES him
with it. Elwood staggers backwards, stunned, his hands drop
the chess pieces he was holding. They are both black knights.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In a tense scene on a busy sidewalk in 1967 Marianna, Turner and Elwood's differing perspectives clash when Elwood dashes into traffic to retrieve a cardboard cut-out of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Despite Turner's urgent warnings about safety, Elwood insists on documenting their community service experiences and facing challenges head-on. The situation escalates, leading to Turner's frustration and departure, while a nearby woman with a pram becomes anxious amidst the chaos. The scene concludes with the two splitting up to navigate around the pram, as Harper calls them back with his honking horn.
Strengths
  • Intense emotional impact
  • Compelling character dynamics
  • Revealing moral dilemmas
Weaknesses
  • Slightly abrupt transition between scenes

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene is well-structured, with a clear purpose of revealing Elwood's newfound understanding and his decision to challenge the status quo. The conflict between Elwood and Turner adds depth and tension to the narrative, making it engaging and impactful.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of revelation, moral conflict, and the decision to take action against corruption are central to the scene. It explores themes of justice, integrity, and the consequences of challenging the system.

Plot: 8.5

The plot of the scene revolves around Elwood's realization of the corruption at Nickel Academy and his resolve to make a change. The conflict between the characters drives the narrative forward and sets the stage for future developments.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on the civil rights movement and racial tensions of the 1960s, with authentic dialogue and character motivations that feel true to the time period.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters of Elwood and Turner are well-developed in this scene, showcasing their conflicting beliefs and motivations. Their interactions reveal their internal struggles and the complexities of their relationship.

Character Changes: 8

Both Elwood and Turner undergo significant emotional and moral changes in the scene. Elwood's realization and determination mark a turning point in his character arc, while Turner's conflict with Elwood reveals his internal struggles and loyalty.

Internal Goal: 8

Elwood's internal goal is to document and remember everything that happens to him at the Nickel Academy, reflecting his need for control and agency in a situation where he feels powerless.

External Goal: 7

Elwood's external goal is to find a way out of the Nickel Academy, which is reflected in his determination to get rid of Nickel and escape the oppressive environment.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is intense and multi-layered, involving internal struggles, moral dilemmas, and the clash of beliefs between the characters. It drives the emotional impact and narrative tension.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting goals and motivations driving the conflict between the characters.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in the scene, as Elwood's decision to challenge the corruption at Nickel Academy puts him at risk of retaliation and further oppression. The moral and personal consequences of his actions add depth to the narrative.

Story Forward: 9

The scene effectively moves the story forward by introducing key revelations, conflicts, and character developments. It sets the stage for future events and establishes the central themes of justice and integrity.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected actions and decisions made by the characters, keeping the audience on edge.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between Elwood's belief in taking action and facing challenges head-on, and Turner's more resigned and cautious approach to survival. This challenges Elwood's worldview of fighting against injustice.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking feelings of tension, conflict, and moral ambiguity. The internal struggles of the characters resonate with the audience, creating a sense of empathy and engagement.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene is impactful, reflecting the emotional turmoil and moral dilemmas faced by the characters. It effectively conveys the tension and conflict between Elwood and Turner, adding depth to their dynamic.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the high stakes, conflicting goals of the characters, and the dramatic tension that builds throughout.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, leading to a climactic confrontation between the characters.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and follows the expected format for a screenplay, making it easy to visualize the action and dialogue.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure that effectively builds tension and conflict, leading to a dramatic confrontation between the characters.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the tension between Elwood's determination to document their experiences and Turner's frustration with the risks involved. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext to deepen the emotional stakes. For instance, Elwood's insistence on documenting their community service could be tied more explicitly to his desire for justice or accountability, which would resonate with the audience's understanding of the broader civil rights context.
  • The use of the cardboard cut-out of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. as a visual element is clever, but it could be more impactful if it were tied to Elwood's motivations. Perhaps Elwood could express a specific admiration for King that reflects his own aspirations, making the cut-out a symbol of hope rather than just a comedic moment.
  • Turner's reaction to Elwood's actions feels somewhat abrupt. While it is clear he is concerned for Elwood's safety, the escalation of his anger could be better foreshadowed. Adding a moment where Turner expresses his fears about the consequences of Elwood's actions earlier in the scene could create a more gradual build-up to his outburst.
  • The pacing of the scene is uneven, particularly with the transitions between Elwood's POV and Turner's POV. While the shifts are intended to create a sense of urgency, they can be disorienting. A more fluid transition between perspectives could enhance the flow of the scene and maintain the audience's engagement.
  • The ending of the scene, where Turner walks away in anger, feels somewhat unresolved. While this reflects the tension in their relationship, it might be beneficial to include a moment of reflection for Elwood after Turner leaves, allowing the audience to see his internal struggle and the weight of his decisions.
Suggestions
  • Incorporate more subtext in the dialogue to highlight Elwood's motivations for documenting their experiences, connecting it to the larger themes of justice and accountability.
  • Enhance the significance of the cardboard cut-out of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. by tying it more closely to Elwood's aspirations and the civil rights movement, making it a symbol of hope.
  • Foreshadow Turner's anger by including an earlier moment where he expresses concern about the risks of Elwood's actions, creating a more gradual build-up to his outburst.
  • Improve the pacing by ensuring smoother transitions between Elwood's and Turner's POVs, maintaining a consistent flow that keeps the audience engaged.
  • Add a moment of reflection for Elwood after Turner walks away, allowing the audience to connect with his internal struggle and the weight of his decisions.



Scene 48 - Winter Whimsy in the City
117 INT. LIVING AREA - TENEMENT APARTMENT - NYC - 1975 - DUSK 117
(D-FF5)

Adult Elwood (25) POV of a TV screen in the living area of a
tenement apartment. The local NYC station is playing the
sequence of images of 1970s New York landmarks at night that
opens the “Million Dollar Movie” of the week.

SOUNDS of the big city outside. It’s a wintry day, the
radiator is CLANKING. Faint SOUND, almost an hallucination,
of a woman’s voice calling out “Elwood! Elwood!”

DENISE (O.S.)
(entering)
You hear me outside?

His girlfriend DENISE (20s, Black) enters the apartment and
crosses his eye-line, going into the kitchen with the paper
bags of groceries she’s carrying.

ADULT ELWOOD (O.S.)
What?

He gets up and turns down the volume.

DENISE
This rat ran across my feet and I
screamed. That was me.

ADULT ELWOOD (O.S.)
Denise. Hathor. Scared of a little
ole rodent.

DENISE
Sh-, was big as a dog. (beat)
Barked like one too.

ADULT ELWOOD (O.S.)
Maybe it was a dog.

ADULT ELWOOD uncrinkles a flyer from a laundromat.




(CONTINUED)
117 CONTINUED: 117

ADULT ELWOOD (O.S.) (CONT'D)
Found one, a ‘67 Econoline. Needs a
new finish, but the guys on 125th
owe me one. I can supplement the
Horizon shifts with my own jobs.
Weekends too. And bring on Larry.

Beat.

DENISE
You think you can really count on
him?

ADULT ELWOOD (O.S.)
Larry bellyaching about this child
support is about as dependable as
US Steel. If there is one thing
he’ll do, it’s work.

Beat.

DENISE
That’s great El. It’s really
happening. What’ll you call it?

ADULT ELWOOD (O.S.)
Not sure yet, something easy to
find in the Yellow Pages.

She comes over with a steaming hot cocoa and kneads the spot
on his back where it hurts.

DENISE
There’s some rum in that. I got us
some sandwiches, too.

She reaches for the TV trays next to the couch.

ADULT ELWOOD (O.S.)
Baby, I’ll get it.

DENISE
But your back?

ADULT ELWOOD (O.S.)
Just keep those hands ready.

He puts the trays together.

ADULT ELWOOD (O.S.) (CONT'D)
Whoever invented these deserves a
Nobel prize. Now if they can just
work on this-



(CONTINUED)
117 CONTINUED: (2) 117

The Defiant Ones is playing on the TV.

DENISE
Oh it already started.

ADULT ELWOOD (O.S.)
“You’re married to me, now - here’s
the ring.”

DENISE
What?


118 ARCHIVAL FOOTAGE 118

Full-screen. The Defiant Ones: two escaped convicts, Sidney
Poitier and Tony Curtis, are bound together and arguing.
Poitier suggests the exact opposite of what Turner proposed
to Elwood about escape.

SIDNEY POITIER
(on the TV)
You’re married to me, all right,
joker, and here’s the ring. But I
ain’t goin’ South on no honeymoon
now.

He’s holding up the chains that bind him to Tony Curtis.

DENISE (O.S.)
You should watch what you say, El.
(beat) I’d marry Sidney Poitier.


119 ARCHIVAL FOOTAGE - 1970S 119

Color footage of Black boys playing chess in Washington
Square Park NYC in the 1970s.
Genres: ["Drama","Slice of Life"]

Summary In a cozy tenement apartment in NYC during the winter of 1975, Elwood relaxes while watching a movie on TV. His girlfriend, Denise, enters with groceries and shares a humorous story about a rat, sparking light-hearted banter between them. As Denise prepares hot cocoa with rum and sandwiches, they discuss Elwood's aspirations to start a business and his reliance on a friend named Larry, though this uncertainty remains unaddressed. The scene captures their intimate and warm domestic life against the backdrop of the bustling city, ending with a transition to archival footage of Black boys playing chess in Washington Square Park.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Thematic exploration
Weaknesses
  • Limited external conflict
  • Slow pacing in some parts

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys the emotional depth of the characters and sets the stage for significant developments in Adult Elwood's life. The dialogue is poignant, and the use of archival footage adds layers of meaning to the narrative.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of reflecting on past experiences while navigating present challenges is compelling and adds depth to Adult Elwood's character arc. The scene effectively explores themes of resilience and hope.

Plot: 8

The plot progression in the scene is subtle yet impactful, focusing on character development and thematic exploration. It sets the stage for future events while providing insight into Adult Elwood's motivations.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces unique characters and situations, such as the protagonist's business plans and the cultural references to 1970s NYC. The dialogue feels authentic and adds depth to the characters.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters are well-developed, with Adult Elwood and Denise displaying a strong emotional connection and depth. Their interactions reveal layers of complexity and growth.

Character Changes: 8

Adult Elwood undergoes a subtle but significant change in perspective and determination, setting the stage for future growth and development.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to start a new business venture and be successful. This reflects his desire for financial stability and independence.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to start a new business with his friend Larry and make it successful. This reflects the immediate challenge of finding reliable partners and building a successful business.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

While there is internal conflict and tension within the characters, the scene focuses more on introspection and emotional exploration rather than external conflict.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene comes from the protagonist's girlfriend's skepticism and the uncertainty surrounding their friend Larry's reliability, adding conflict and tension to the narrative.

High Stakes: 6

While the stakes are not overtly high in this scene, the emotional and personal stakes for Adult Elwood are significant, as he navigates challenges and aspirations.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by providing insight into Adult Elwood's current circumstances and motivations, setting the stage for future events and character growth.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected interactions between the characters and the uncertainty of the protagonist's business plans.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

There is a philosophical conflict between the protagonist's optimism and his girlfriend's skepticism about their friend Larry's reliability. This challenges the protagonist's belief in loyalty and trust.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes a strong emotional response from the audience, drawing them into Adult Elwood's journey and struggles. The themes of resilience and hope resonate deeply.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is poignant and reflective, capturing the characters' inner thoughts and emotions. It adds depth to the scene and enhances the audience's understanding of the characters.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the realistic dialogue, relatable characters, and the sense of anticipation for the protagonist's business venture.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and anticipation for the protagonist's business plans, with a good balance of dialogue and action.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows standard formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a typical format for a character-driven drama, with a clear setting, character introductions, and dialogue-driven interactions.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures a moment of domestic life between Elwood and Denise, showcasing their relationship through light banter and shared aspirations. However, the transition from the previous scene, which is filled with tension and conflict, to this more relaxed atmosphere feels abrupt. The emotional weight of the previous scene could be better integrated into this one to maintain narrative continuity.
  • The dialogue is engaging and reflects the characters' personalities well, particularly Denise's humor and Elwood's determination. However, some lines, such as 'Maybe it was a dog,' could be tightened for clarity and impact. The humor is effective, but it risks undermining the gravity of Elwood's past experiences if not balanced carefully.
  • The use of the TV show, 'The Defiant Ones,' serves as a clever metaphor for Elwood's situation and the themes of confinement and escape. However, the connection between the dialogue and the archival footage could be more explicitly drawn to enhance the thematic resonance. The audience may benefit from a clearer link between Elwood's aspirations and the struggles depicted in the film.
  • The scene's pacing is generally good, but the transition between dialogue and the archival footage could be smoother. The abrupt cut to the footage might disrupt the viewer's immersion. Consider using a more gradual transition or a character's reaction to the footage to create a stronger connection.
  • The visual elements, such as the clutter of the apartment and the wintery sounds outside, effectively set the scene. However, more specific details about the apartment's decor or the couple's living situation could enhance the atmosphere and provide deeper insight into their lives.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment where Elwood reflects on the previous scene's tension before transitioning to the lighter atmosphere, perhaps through a line of dialogue or a visual cue that connects the two scenes.
  • Tighten some of the dialogue for clarity and impact, ensuring that humor does not overshadow the emotional depth of Elwood's character.
  • Enhance the thematic connection between the dialogue and the archival footage by incorporating a line from Elwood that directly relates to the struggles depicted in 'The Defiant Ones.' This could deepen the audience's understanding of his aspirations and fears.
  • Smooth the transition to the archival footage by incorporating a character's reaction or a visual cue that links the present moment to the themes of confinement and escape, creating a more cohesive narrative flow.
  • Add more specific details about the apartment's decor or the couple's living situation to enrich the setting and provide a clearer picture of their lives, enhancing the audience's connection to the characters.



Scene 49 - Fog and Frustration
120 INT. COMMUNITY SERVICE VAN - GROUNDS - NICKEL - 1967 - 120
NIGHT (N64)

Elwood’s POV from the front seat of the Community Service van
as they drive along a gravel road through fog on the Nickel
Grounds. Harper pulls up to a padlocked storehouse. Turner
gets out and walks away.

HARPER (O.S.)
Where’s he going?

ELWOOD (O.S.)
(calling after him)
Turner!...


(CONTINUED)
120 CONTINUED: 120

He ignores Elwood.

ELWOOD (O.S.) (CONT'D)
Turner! (yelling) You have the key?

Turner keeps walking. Harper gets out the driver’s side,
steps up on the floor of the van to lean on the top.

HARPER
(sharply)
Turner! Get your nig- (restarts)
get your ass back over here. You
have the key or not? I’m tired of
your shit.

Turner comes back, looking straight at Elwood only and SMACKS
the key on the dashboard, then turns on his heel and stalks
off.

HARPER (CONT'D)
(muttering in disbelief)
Goddamn baby. Waste of time, man.
Head full of stump water.

Elwood takes in Harper’s fury.

ELWOOD (O.S.)
Give him a break.

HARPER
(whipping his head around
to him)
What are you, his girlfriend?


121 INT. NICKEL ACADEMY - DORMITORY - 1967 - NIGHT (N65) 121

Turner POV awakening to the ROAR of the White House fan. He
looks over to Elwood’s bed across the room, and it’s empty.

He walks across the room, looks under the bed, catching a
glimpse of the legs of someone who is sliding out and
climbing up to the top on the other side. Turner steps back
and sees a GROWN MAN climbing into Elwood’s bed. After a
beat, the man rolls off the other side of the bed, crawling
back under, and Elwood, from the opposite side, climbs up and
replaces him.

TURNER (O.S.)
(shocked)
El... (beat) Elwood.

Turner looks into the wide-awake, alert face of Elwood on the
bed, but receives no reciprocal acknowledgement.


(CONTINUED)
121 CONTINUED: 121

Elwood seems to take a half-second nap, eyes closing in
repose, then he pops awake and rolls off the bed and under it
again. No sooner does he disappear than the Grown Man rolls
up from the other side and takes his place.

TURNER (O.S.) (CONT'D)
(afraid)
Elwood? Elwood?

The Grown Man does not appear to see him. Turner slowly backs
away and gets a wider view of the room, and realizes that
this surreal rotation choreography is happening in EVERY bed
with boys and men spanning all ages.


122 OMITTED 122
Genres: ["Drama","Coming-of-age"]

Summary In a tense scene set in 1967, Elwood and Harper confront Turner in a Community Service van, where Harper's anger over Turner's silence escalates. Elwood defends Turner, leading to a confrontation between the two. The scene shifts to the Nickel Academy dormitory, where Turner wakes to a surreal and alarming sight of men and boys swapping places in beds, leaving him increasingly unsettled as he backs away from the bizarre situation.
Strengths
  • Unique concept
  • Tension-filled atmosphere
  • Mysterious elements
Weaknesses
  • Minimal dialogue
  • Limited character interaction

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene is well-crafted with a unique and intriguing concept that keeps the audience engaged. The tension and mystery created by the surreal rotation choreography add depth to the narrative.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of the rotation choreography in the beds is innovative and adds a layer of complexity to the scene. It creates a unique visual and emotional impact on the audience.

Plot: 8

The plot progression in the scene is driven by the mysterious and tense atmosphere created by the rotation choreography. It adds depth to the characters and sets up intriguing developments.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces fresh and unsettling situations, such as the surreal rotation choreography in the dormitory, and authentic dialogue that reflects the characters' emotions and power dynamics.


Character Development

Characters: 7.5

The characters' reactions to the surreal situation showcase their fear, confusion, and disbelief, adding layers to their personalities. The scene allows for subtle character development.

Character Changes: 7

The characters experience a shift in their perception of reality due to the surreal events, showcasing their vulnerability and fear. This sets the stage for potential character growth.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to maintain his dignity and assert his independence in the face of authority figures like Harper.

External Goal: 9

The protagonist's external goal is to navigate the power dynamics and racial tensions within the group.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict in the scene is internal, as the characters grapple with the surreal and mysterious events unfolding in front of them. The tension is palpable, adding depth to the narrative.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting goals and power dynamics creating uncertainty and tension.

High Stakes: 7

The high stakes in the scene revolve around the characters' sense of reality and safety, as they are confronted with a surreal and mysterious situation. The outcome could have significant consequences.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing a mysterious and tense element that will likely have repercussions on the characters and plot. It sets up future developments effectively.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable due to the surreal elements and unexpected character actions.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict is between the protagonist's desire for autonomy and dignity and the oppressive authority of Harper.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes fear, confusion, and disbelief in the audience, creating a strong emotional impact. The surreal elements heighten the tension and mystery, engaging the viewers.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue in the scene is minimal but effective in conveying the characters' emotions and reactions to the surreal events. It adds to the overall tension and mystery.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its tense interactions, mysterious elements, and escalating conflicts.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with well-defined character interactions and escalating tension.


Critique
  • The scene effectively uses Elwood's point of view to create a sense of immediacy and tension as he calls out to Turner. However, the dialogue could be more dynamic; Elwood's calls for Turner feel repetitive and could benefit from more emotional weight or urgency to reflect the stakes of their situation.
  • Harper's character comes across as aggressive and dismissive, which is effective in establishing conflict. However, his dialogue could be refined to avoid clichés like 'head full of stump water.' This phrase feels out of place and could be replaced with something more original that reflects his character's frustration.
  • The transition from the van to the dormitory is jarring. While the surreal imagery of the grown man in Elwood's bed is striking, the shift lacks a clear narrative connection. It would be beneficial to provide a smoother transition or a clearer thematic link between the two settings to enhance coherence.
  • The surreal element of men and boys swapping places in the beds is intriguing and visually compelling, but it may confuse the audience without sufficient context. The scene could benefit from a brief moment of reflection from Turner that hints at the implications of this bizarre rotation, perhaps connecting it to the themes of identity and loss.
  • Turner's shock and fear are palpable, but his emotional response could be deepened. Instead of just stating Elwood's name, he could express a more visceral reaction that conveys his concern for Elwood's safety and well-being, enhancing the emotional stakes of the scene.
Suggestions
  • Consider varying Elwood's dialogue to include more emotional depth or urgency, perhaps by expressing concern for Turner or the situation they are in, rather than just calling his name.
  • Revise Harper's dialogue to make it more unique and reflective of his character's personality. Avoid clichés and aim for language that feels authentic to the character's background and emotional state.
  • Create a more seamless transition between the van and the dormitory scene. Perhaps include a brief moment of reflection from Elwood or Turner that connects their current situation to the surreal events in the dormitory.
  • Provide a moment of introspection for Turner as he witnesses the bizarre rotation in the dormitory. This could help ground the surreal imagery in the emotional reality of their situation and enhance the thematic resonance.
  • Deepen Turner's emotional response to the situation by incorporating physical reactions (like a gasp or a step back) or internal thoughts that reveal his fears for Elwood, making the stakes feel more immediate.



Scene 50 - Echoes of the Past
123 INT. BAR - NEW YORK - 1988 - DAY (D-FF6) 123

Adult Elwood (38) POV seated on a stool watching a TV above
the bar that’s showing the end of the NY Marathon. A steady
stream of sinewy runners is finishing. TV camera crews in
small vehicles trail them, white cops on motorcycles.

The spectators lining the course are all types of people:
Black, white, Puerto Rican, rich, poor, etc. They stand
pressed against the blue wooden police barriers, some on the
shoulders of daddies or boyfriends. SOUND of wolf whistles,
air horns, ghetto blasters.

SOUND of other people in the bar cheering them on, laughing.

A man [ADULT CHICKIE PETE] enters somewhere behind Adult
Elwood and ambles to the far end of the bar, in Adult
Elwood’s peripheral vision. He leans over to ask the
BARTENDER (20s, white, pumped) a question, and gets a
negative shake of the head. Deflated, ADULT CHICKIE PETE
glances in Adult Elwood’s direction.

ADULT CHICKIE PETE
(surprised)
Hey... (moving closer) Hey, man!

Adult Elwood turns his head slowly away from the TV to take
the full measure of the man moving toward him, on crackhead
alert. The man is wearing a green Jets sweatshirt and red
track pants a size too big - borrowed.

ADULT CHICKIE PETE (CONT'D)
(grinning)
Hey man! Long time, long time! How
ya been!


(CONTINUED)
123 CONTINUED: 123

ADULT ELWOOD (O.S.)
(guarded; trying to place
him)
Aight.

ADULT CHICKIE PETE
It’s me, man, Pete Evans... Chickie
Pete. How you doing?

Bingo.

ADULT ELWOOD (O.S.)
Chickie Pete. You look good.

He has that too-raw thing people have when they just get out
of a clinic. Adult Chickie Pete slaps him five.

ADULT CHICKIE PETE
Damn. Shit man. Been ages! Beer? On
me?

ADULT ELWOOD (O.S.)
(shifting to stand)
I got an early morning-

ADULT CHICKIE PETE
Naw naw man, you gotta let me buy
you a beer.

Before Adult Elwood can respond, he signals the bartender,
holds up two fingers.

Adult Elwood’s POV sweeps the bar. Among the regular patrons
(5), there are two boys (aged 8 & 10) and a man in running
gear with marathon race bibs on, as if they took a detour
from the course and are now watching their fellow runners
finish on the TV.

He follows their gaze back to the TV screen. Only the
stragglers are coming in now, half-walking or stumbling
across the finish line, not so much running the course as
running deep into their own character. A few have people
waiting to wrap them in thermal foil blankets, most don’t.

The bartender placing pints on coasters in front of them
brings Adult Elwood’s focus back to Adult Chickie Pete, who’s
been talking.

ADULT CHICKIE PETE (CONT'D)
...I mighta played professional, if
things had been different.

ADULT ELWOOD (O.S.)
You think so?


(CONTINUED)
123 CONTINUED: (2) 123

ADULT CHICKIE PETE
(smacks his lips)
For sure, man, I used to...

Adult Chickie Pete gently brings his hands up in a playing
motion, closes his eyes, tilts his head back and sways to an
imaginary TRUMPET solo. He looks truly majestic, a radiating
smile between lip movements. SOUND of a trumpet playing.

Adult Elwood glances to see if the bartender has noticed the
horn. It stops as Adult Chickie Pete drops his now shaking
hands to the bar, pops his knuckles, and nostalgically sways
his head as the dream disappears back into the never-was.

ADULT CHICKIE PETE (CONT'D)
... I coulda been in a funk band,
an orch-est-ra! Ha. Haydn, Bach
Vivaldi, backing up Miles... A
doctor inventing shit that saves
lives. I got ideas man. Nickel.
Damn. You know, I still remember
the periodic table of elements.

ADULT ELWOOD (O.S.)
(fascinated)
Huh?

ADULT CHICKIE PETE
It’s how I got started cooking.
You know one brotha dreamed that
whole thing up. Dmitri Mendeleev or
some shit. Ha. (beat) He also made
that Russian vodka 40 proof. I’m
not thankful for those times. That
was a long time ago. My hands man.

He holds up two crabbed fingers. These are not the same
inspired hands of a moment ago.

ADULT CHICKIE PETE (CONT'D)
I just spent 30 days drying out.

ADULT ELWOOD (O.S.)
Oh...

ADULT CHICKIE PETE
It’s okay I can handle it now. I
always drank. Then it was like the
more I tried to settle down, the
more I got blotto every night.
Couldn’t sleep in the dark. Still
can’t sleep in the dark.
(MORE)



(CONTINUED)
123 CONTINUED: (3) 123
ADULT CHICKIE PETE (CONT'D)
Last May I got into it with this
guy, the judge says either jail or
a program, no choice at all there.
I’m living with my sister in
Harlem. She’s letting me stay while
I figure out my next move. I’ve
always liked it up there. But shit
man, you know Chickie Pete gon’ be
awright. If it’s one thing Nickel
taught me, it’s how not to die. Ha.
(beat) What you up to?

ADULT ELWOOD (O.S.)
I got a moving company, trucks,
employees.

ADULT CHICKIE PETE
My man! Moving on up! You got a
lady?

ADULT ELWOOD (O.S.)
No. I mean, I did, but it didn’t
work out. “Denise.” She said I had
a lotta work to do on myself.

ADULT CHICKIE PETE
I hear you, I hear you. Hard to
find somebody who could understand.

ADULT ELWOOD
Yeah, I’m still looking for the
“one”. Maybe some day.

Adult Chickie Pete orders another beer, outpacing him as the
bartender serves two underage BLONDE CO-EDs first.

ADULT CHICKIE PETE
You seen any of the guys? I’ve ran
into some over the years. Black
Mike’s a crook, Nelson’s strung
out, Desmond lost an arm in ‘Nam.
Yeah. You got out in ‘67?

Beat.

ADULT ELWOOD (O.S.)
(incredulous)
You don’t remember?

ADULT CHICKIE PETE
Remember what?




(CONTINUED)
123 CONTINUED: (4) 123

ADULT ELWOOD (O.S.)
(sore now)
You really don’t remember?

ADULT CHICKIE PETE
What? Shit, I remember what they
did to Griff. Sshhitt. What they
did to me. (beat) When they stuffed
that kid in the big dryer. (dark
chuckle to himself) And the one
they made eat a lightbulb, ha. You
know what I remember?! The effing
ghost... man, slipping on skin,
flesh, whatever the hell it was in
the shower. Yeah. What else you
want me to remember?

ADULT ELWOOD (O.S.)
(gate firmly shut)
-Nothing. Time served. And they
kicked me out. (beat) I went up to
Atlanta and then trained it going
north. You know, been here since
‘68. Twenty years.

He drains his glass. All this time he’s taken it as a given
that he was a Nickel legend.

ADULT CHICKIE PETE
Yeah, that’s nice. Everybody’s
welcomed here... what happened to
that kid you used to hang around
with all the time?

Beat.

ADULT ELWOOD (O.S.)
Which kid?

ADULT CHICKIE PETE
The kid, you know- y’all thought
that hiding place was so secret.

ADULT ELWOOD (O.S.)
Hmm.

ADULT CHICKIE PETE
Gotta take a leak, it’ll come back
to me.

He goes off to the bathroom, makes a remark to the coeds at a
table. They laugh at him when he goes into the men’s room.




(CONTINUED)
123 CONTINUED: (5) 123

An ambulance goes by outside and in the dark mirror behind
the liquor, Adult Elwood has a blurred vision of himself, and
WE SEE HIM for the first time as well, outlined in a bright
red, a shimmering aura that marks him. The entire bar lights
up with the fluttering of blue and red.

He sweeps up a napkin and, one handed, quickly rolling it
into a thin tortilla, kneading it over in his palm with
intense pressure- is suddenly mad that an idiot like Chickie
Pete is still breathing and his friend isn’t.

Adult Chickie Pete claps him on the shoulder. He turns.

ADULT ELWOOD (O.S.)
I got to go, man.

ADULT CHICKIE PETE
No no, I hear you, me too. (pause)
I don’t want to ask. But if you’re
looking for a hand, I could use the
job. I’m sleeping on a couch.

ADULT ELWOOD (O.S.)
Right.

ADULT CHICKIE PETE
You have a card?

Adult Elwood pulls out his wallet, opens it and glances at
his ACE Movers business card: Mr. Elwood Curtis, President.
Then snaps it shut before Adult Chickie Pete sees it.

ADULT ELWOOD (O.S.)
Not on me.

ADULT CHICKIE PETE
I can handle the work, is what I’m
putting out there.

He writes up his sister’s phone number on a red bar napkin.

ADULT CHICKIE PETE (CONT'D)
You ring me up- for the old days.

ADULT ELWOOD (O.S.)
I will.

Adult Elwood looks at Adult Chickie Pete as he leaves, sees
the familiar shape of his bald spot on the back of his head.
He considers whether to mention the bar tab, then reaches
into his wallet, and slaps a $20 on the bar.




(CONTINUED)
123 CONTINUED: (6) 123

As he turns back toward the closing door, he sees an
ALLIGATOR TAIL slipping out. He walks out after it, tossing
the red napkin.


124 OMITTED 124
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In a New York bar during the 1988 NY Marathon, Adult Elwood encounters Adult Chickie Pete, an old friend recently out of rehab. Their conversation reveals Chickie Pete's struggles with addiction and his yearning for a better life, while Elwood, who runs a moving company, grapples with his own unresolved past and desire for connection. As they reminisce, Elwood becomes increasingly guarded, leading to a tense moment when Chickie Pete asks for a job. Despite his hesitation, Elwood shares his contact information but ultimately chooses to leave, reflecting on their painful memories as he exits.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Poignant dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Limited external conflict
  • Some repetitive dialogue

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively captures the emotional weight of the characters' past experiences and the challenges they face in the present. The dialogue is poignant and reveals layers of complexity in the characters' lives.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of reuniting former Nickel Academy boys in a bar setting allows for exploration of themes such as redemption, resilience, and the lasting impact of trauma. The scene effectively conveys the struggles and growth of the characters.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene revolves around the reunion between Adult Elwood and Chickie Pete, providing insight into their past experiences and current struggles. It moves the narrative forward by revealing key character dynamics and emotional arcs.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh perspective on themes of redemption, personal growth, and the impact of past choices. The characters' dialogue feels authentic and relatable, capturing the complexities of human relationships and personal struggles.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are richly developed, with layers of complexity and emotional depth. Adult Elwood and Chickie Pete's interactions reveal their inner turmoil, regrets, and hopes for the future.

Character Changes: 8

Both Adult Elwood and Chickie Pete undergo subtle changes in the scene, reflecting on their pasts and contemplating their futures. The reunion prompts introspection and growth in their characters.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to navigate a reunion with an old acquaintance while grappling with his own past and personal growth. He is guarded and reflective, trying to reconcile his present self with his past experiences.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to politely decline the offer of a beer and manage the unexpected encounter with Adult Chickie Pete. He also subtly considers offering Chickie Pete a job opportunity.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict in the scene is more internal and emotional, focusing on the characters' struggles with their past traumas and current challenges. It adds depth to the narrative but is not the central focus.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Adult Chickie Pete's unexpected appearance challenging Adult Elwood's sense of self and past choices. The tension between the characters adds complexity and depth to the scene, creating a sense of uncertainty and conflict.

High Stakes: 7

While the stakes are not overtly high in the scene, the emotional stakes for the characters are significant. Their struggles with trauma, regret, and redemption add depth to the narrative.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by providing insight into the characters' past experiences and current struggles. It sets the stage for further exploration of their journeys and relationships.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected reunion between Adult Elwood and Adult Chickie Pete, leading to a complex and emotionally charged interaction. The characters' conflicting emotions and past histories add layers of tension and uncertainty to the scene.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around themes of redemption, personal growth, and the impact of past choices on present circumstances. Adult Chickie Pete's struggles with addiction and regret contrast with Adult Elwood's more stable and successful life.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking feelings of melancholy, hope, and reflection. The characters' struggles and regrets resonate with the audience, creating a poignant and memorable moment.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is poignant and reflective, capturing the characters' inner thoughts and emotions. It adds depth to the scene and enhances the audience's understanding of the characters' struggles.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its rich character development, emotional depth, and realistic dialogue. The interactions between Adult Elwood and Adult Chickie Pete draw the reader in, creating a sense of tension and curiosity.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective, building tension and emotional depth through well-timed character interactions and revelations. The rhythm of the dialogue and narrative descriptions enhances the scene's impact, keeping the reader engaged and invested in the characters' journey.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings, character descriptions, and dialogue formatting. The visual descriptions and scene directions enhance the reader's understanding of the setting and character interactions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a well-defined structure, with clear character motivations, conflicts, and resolutions. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness, building tension and emotional depth.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the contrast between Elwood's current life and his past experiences at Nickel Academy through the interaction with Chickie Pete. The dialogue is rich with subtext, revealing both characters' struggles and the weight of their shared history. However, the pacing feels uneven at times, particularly during Chickie Pete's monologues, which could benefit from tighter editing to maintain engagement.
  • Chickie Pete's character is well-defined, showcasing his charm and vulnerability, but Elwood's responses could be more emotionally resonant. His guardedness is clear, yet there are moments where deeper emotional reactions could enhance the tension and complexity of their reunion. The audience should feel Elwood's internal conflict more acutely, especially when faced with reminders of his past.
  • The setting of the bar is vivid and serves as a microcosm of the larger societal issues at play, but it could be further utilized to reflect Elwood's emotional state. For instance, the atmosphere could mirror his discomfort or nostalgia more explicitly through sensory details, such as the sounds, smells, and sights that evoke memories of Nickel Academy.
  • The dialogue is engaging, but some exchanges feel overly expository, particularly when discussing their past. Instead of directly stating their experiences, consider using more subtle hints and implications that allow the audience to infer the weight of their shared history. This would create a more immersive experience.
  • The scene's conclusion, with Elwood seeing the alligator tail, is intriguing but may leave the audience confused. This surreal element could be better integrated into the narrative to enhance its thematic significance. Clarifying its symbolism or connecting it more explicitly to Elwood's emotional journey would strengthen the scene's impact.
Suggestions
  • Tighten the dialogue during Chickie Pete's monologues to maintain a brisk pace and keep the audience engaged. Consider cutting repetitive phrases or streamlining thoughts that don't add to character development.
  • Deepen Elwood's emotional responses to Chickie Pete's revelations. Allow him to express more vulnerability or anger regarding their shared past, which would create a stronger emotional connection with the audience.
  • Enhance the sensory details of the bar setting to reflect Elwood's internal state. Use descriptions of the environment to evoke feelings of nostalgia, discomfort, or tension that align with the themes of the scene.
  • Reduce expository dialogue by incorporating subtext. Allow characters to hint at their past experiences rather than explicitly stating them, encouraging the audience to engage more actively with the narrative.
  • Clarify the symbolism of the alligator tail at the end of the scene. Consider providing a brief moment of reflection from Elwood that connects this surreal image to his emotional journey, reinforcing the themes of memory and survival.



Scene 51 - Echoes of Discipline
125 INT. NICKEL - INTAKE BUILDING - 1967 - DAY (D66) 125

Turner POV of the boys lining up in the basement of the
intake building, getting fresh uniforms from Nickel staff
under the oversight of Blakeley, who is unusually sober.

BLAKELEY
You boys mess up, it’s your ass.
You know Mr. Spencer will have it
in for you if he catches your shirt
untucked or your dirty drawers
hanging out of a footlocker.

Turner scans a wall of open cubbyholes with the old clothes
of boys when they first arrived.

Blakeley walks past handing out a few shoe rags.

BLAKELEY (CONT'D)
They do this inspection shit, we
counting on you. Spit-shine ‘em
good.


126 EXT. NICKEL ACADEMY - GROUNDS - 1967 - DAY (D66) 126

Turner POV as he walks around the outside of a building
that’s being painted. SOUND of a paint can falling from the
scaffolding behind him, accompanied by boys’ voices.

Still walking, he does a 180 degree turn to look behind him.
Strangely there’s no one there.

He turns back around and almost immediately THREE IDENTICAL
BLACK BOYS come around the corner of the building toward him,
covered in Dixie White paint. The boys don’t appear to see
him. He freezes and stares at them as they pass by.


127 INT. ADULT ELWOOD’S APARTMENT - NY - 2018 - DAY (D-FF7) 127

Adult Elwood’s POV of an image on a computer screen:

A color newspaper photograph in the local Marianna newspaper
of a VERY OLD WHITE MAN, leaning on a cane on his porch.



(CONTINUED)
127 CONTINUED: 127

The headline reads: “Good Citizen of the Year”. The man is
decrepit but Spencer’s cold steel eyes are unmistakable.

ADULT ELWOOD (O.S.)
They’re asking people to come
forward.

SOUND of a mouse click.

CUT TO:

A group of Nickel Boys, in spotless, pressed, regular clothes
(not uniforms), hanging out together on the porch of a large
Southern home with white columns.

MILLIE
Babe, you found all this?

SOUND of a mouse click.

CUT TO:

A group of Nickel Boys in uniform, doing manual labor.

ADULT ELWOOD (O.S.)
They’re digging. I’m digging.

SOUND of a mouse click.

CUT TO:

A GPR image, bright pulsing colors of blue, green and pink,
of GRAVES found in the grounds of Nickel Academy.
Genres: ["Drama","Historical"]

Summary In 1967 at Nickel Academy, Turner observes boys receiving uniforms under the stern supervision of Blakeley, who emphasizes strict adherence to the dress code. Outside, Turner experiences confusion as he hears voices but sees no one, and is startled by three identical boys covered in paint. The scene shifts to Adult Elwood in 2018, reflecting on past injustices at Nickel Academy after reading about an old man named Spencer, culminating in a GPR image revealing graves on the academy grounds, linking the haunting past to the present.
Strengths
  • Atmospheric descriptions
  • Character interactions
  • Mystery elements
Weaknesses
  • Potential lack of clarity in transitions between time periods

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively builds tension and mystery through its atmospheric descriptions and character interactions. It seamlessly transitions between different time periods and locations, keeping the audience engaged and intrigued.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring the dark history of Nickel Academy through the discovery of graves and the recognition of a former staff member is compelling. It adds layers of complexity to the narrative and deepens the themes of trauma and accountability.

Plot: 8.5

The plot is engaging and moves the story forward by revealing new information about the past and the characters' connections to it. The discovery of graves and the newspaper article add intrigue and raise the stakes for the protagonists.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces unique elements such as the racial segregation and oppressive atmosphere of Nickel Academy, as well as the protagonist's internal and external struggles. The dialogue and actions of the characters feel authentic and contribute to the authenticity of the setting.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-developed and their reactions to the revelations in the scene feel authentic and nuanced. The tension between past and present influences their decisions and adds depth to their motivations.

Character Changes: 8

The characters undergo significant emotional changes in the scene, as they confront the dark history of Nickel Academy and grapple with the implications of their past actions. The discoveries made challenge their beliefs and motivations, leading to internal growth and reflection.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to navigate the oppressive environment of Nickel Academy and avoid getting into trouble. This reflects his deeper need for survival and a desire to maintain a sense of agency in a challenging situation.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to follow the rules and expectations set by the staff at Nickel Academy to avoid punishment or retribution. This reflects the immediate challenge of conforming to the strict regulations of the institution.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The scene is filled with internal and external conflicts, as the characters grapple with the dark history of Nickel Academy and the implications of their actions. The discovery of graves and the newspaper article raise the stakes and create tension.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing challenges from the oppressive rules of Nickel Academy and the racial tensions present in the setting.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in the scene, as the characters uncover graves and confront the dark history of Nickel Academy. The revelations have profound implications for the characters' present and future, adding tension and urgency to the narrative.

Story Forward: 9

The scene effectively moves the story forward by revealing new information about the past and deepening the characters' connections to Nickel Academy. The discoveries made have significant implications for the plot and raise the stakes for the protagonists.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected events, such as the appearance of the black boys covered in paint and the discovery of graves on the grounds of Nickel Academy.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the tension between obedience to authority and individual autonomy. The protagonist must navigate the oppressive rules of Nickel Academy while also asserting his own agency and identity.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene has a strong emotional impact, evoking feelings of tension, distress, and reflection. The characters' reactions to the revelations add depth and complexity to the narrative, engaging the audience on an emotional level.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is impactful and reveals the characters' inner conflicts and emotions. It effectively conveys the tension and unease present in the scene, adding layers of complexity to the interactions.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it creates tension and suspense through the protagonist's struggles and the oppressive atmosphere of Nickel Academy.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and moving the story forward at a compelling pace.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings and descriptions that enhance the visual storytelling.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, effectively setting up the conflict and establishing the atmosphere of Nickel Academy.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the oppressive atmosphere of Nickel Academy, particularly through Blakeley's stern demeanor and the boys' anxiety about inspections. However, the dialogue could be more impactful if it included specific examples of the consequences the boys might face, which would heighten the stakes and deepen the audience's understanding of their fear.
  • The transition from the intake building to the outside grounds is visually interesting, but the sudden appearance of the three identical boys feels somewhat surreal without sufficient context. This moment could benefit from a clearer emotional or thematic connection to Turner's experience, perhaps by exploring his feelings of isolation or confusion in this environment.
  • The juxtaposition of Adult Elwood's perspective with the past scenes is compelling, but the transition could be smoother. The shift from the boys in uniforms to Adult Elwood's computer screen feels abrupt. A more gradual transition that ties the two moments together thematically would enhance the flow of the narrative.
  • The use of the GPR image of graves is a powerful visual element that underscores the dark history of Nickel Academy. However, the scene could benefit from a stronger emotional reaction from Adult Elwood upon seeing the graves, which would provide a more personal connection to the historical context and deepen the impact of this revelation.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more specific dialogue from Blakeley that illustrates the harsh realities the boys face, such as past punishments or specific incidents that have occurred due to dress code violations.
  • Explore Turner's internal thoughts or feelings when he sees the identical boys. This could be done through voiceover or visual cues that indicate his emotional state, enhancing the surreal quality of the moment.
  • To improve the transition between the past and present, consider using a visual motif or sound cue that links the two scenes, such as a recurring sound from the academy that echoes into Adult Elwood's apartment.
  • Incorporate a moment where Adult Elwood reflects on the graves he sees, perhaps through a voiceover that connects his past experiences at Nickel Academy with the present, emphasizing the lasting impact of those memories.



Scene 52 - Illusions of Joy
128 EXT. NICKEL ACADEMY - GROUNDS - 1967 - DAY (D66) 128

Turner’s POV as he hauls a bucket of tools out of the back of
the Community Service van and brings them to Harper, who is
snappily dressed and leaning against the side of the truck,
striking a match and lighting a cigarette like he’s James
Dean. Turner bends to set the bucket down beside Harper’s
feet when there’s a BRIGHT FLASH and click.

Turner straightens and turns to see a State Government WHITE
PHOTOGRAPHER, face obscured behind a Crown Graphic camera and
its distinct bellows, step forward, snapping another. Turner
moves his hand up to his face in reflex. The flash bulb is
blinding. Harper coolly smokes, and it’s suddenly clear he’s
been striking a pose.


129 INT. NICKEL ACADEMY - DINING HALL - 1967 - DAY (D66) 129

Turner’s POV seated at a table in the spick and span dining
hall, newly decorated by placards with messages of
inspiration and encouragement. The boys are looking smart
with fresh haircuts, uniforms, belts and gleaming shoes,
elated by the kind of meal they never get: fried chicken,
yellow corn cobs, mashed potatoes, steaming rolls and bright
red apples on their trays.

DESMOND
(shoveling food)
Ain’t eaten like this since I don’t
know when. (grabbing another roll)
They should inspect this place all
the time.

BLACK MIKE
Nobody talking now. Eat.

They’re all digging in- plates being scraped, forks pinging
the metal trays. Turner’s food is untouched before him, as
he surveys the circus. For him, it’s an abomination.

Blakeley enters through the cafeteria door and stops with a
large tray stacked with small round cardboard containers.

Half of the dining hall reorients to this sight.

BOYS
(all at once)
ICE CREAM!!!!!!!

A chorus of “hoorays!” Some boys jump out of their seats,
others look manically at their peers to confirm reality.

BLAKELEY
Keep it down! You want them to
think this is some kind of circus
we’re running here? (muttering)
Y’all act like you never had ice
cream before.

They haven’t. At Nickel. But the bribe does its job and
Nickel appears like a joyful place.

Turner, nauseated by the ruse, looks across the dining hall
and finds Elwood, like a mirror, likewise sickened and
returning his gaze. Turner shakes his head at the tragedy.

CUT TO:

Elwood’s POV, meeting Turner’s gaze and shaking his head with
the same sense of tragedy.


(CONTINUED)
129 CONTINUED: 129

He is sitting with boys half his age, finding the sight of
them digging into the ice cream with little wooden paddles
unbearable.

Elwood gets up. Across the room, Turner is watching him like
a hawk. When Elwood gets up, Turner does, too.

CUT TO:

Turner’s POV, as he swiftly follows Elwood.

TURNER (O.S.)
What you gonna do? (beat) Elwood...

Elwood keeps walking, doesn’t turn around as Turner pursues.

TURNER (O.S.) (CONT'D)
What you gonna do?

Elwood keeps walking.

TURNER (O.S.) (CONT'D)
What you think they going to do?
You think they going to put your
picture on the cover of Life
magazine?

Elwood keeps walking.

TURNER (O.S.) (CONT'D)
You think anyone cares what’s going
on at Nickel?

Elwood keeps walking.

TURNER (O.S.) (CONT'D)
This is just one place. There are
Nickels all over this country.

Elwood spins on him now.

ELWOOD
How long we got to keep murdering
ourselves?!

Turner takes a step back, shocked.

ELWOOD (CONT'D)
-It’s on me Turner. I got this.


130 EXT. NICKEL ACADEMY - GROUNDS - 1967 - DAY (D66) 130

Turner POV from a distance, of a wandering Black boy in
ragged, soiled clothes stumbling down from Boot Hill. From
the distance the figure is hard to make out. Turner turns and
begins walking away but stops and looks back. The boy is
standing still, looking straight up to the sky.


130A OMITTED 130A
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In a stark contrast of emotions, Turner unloads tools from a Community Service van and witnesses Harper posing for a photograph while the boys at Nickel Academy indulge in a rare meal of fried chicken and ice cream. Despite the apparent joy, Turner feels disgusted by the facade, sharing his disillusionment with Elwood, who passionately confronts him about their dire circumstances. As the boys celebrate, the underlying tragedy of their situation becomes evident, culminating in Turner observing a distant boy in ragged clothes, symbolizing the ongoing struggles faced by the children.
Strengths
  • Strong emotional impact
  • Compelling character development
  • Effective portrayal of defiance and tragedy
Weaknesses
  • Some repetitive dialogue
  • Limited exploration of secondary characters

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.7

The scene effectively conveys a sense of tragedy and defiance against injustice, with strong emotional impact and character development.


Story Content

Concept: 8.6

The concept of the scene, focusing on the deception of joy in a bleak environment and the characters' defiance against injustice, is compelling and effectively portrayed.

Plot: 8.7

The plot of the scene is engaging, moving the story forward while delving into the characters' internal struggles and the injustices they face.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh approach to the theme of institutional oppression and manipulation, with unique character dynamics and moral dilemmas. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 8.8

The characters are well-developed, with clear motivations and emotional depth. Their interactions and conflicts drive the scene forward.

Character Changes: 9

The characters undergo significant emotional changes, particularly Elwood's defiance and realization of the harsh reality they face.

Internal Goal: 9

Turner's internal goal in this scene is to resist the facade of joy and normalcy at Nickel Academy and confront the harsh reality of the situation. He is disgusted by the manipulation and wants to expose the truth.

External Goal: 8

Turner's external goal is to confront Elwood and try to make him see the reality of their situation at Nickel Academy. He wants to challenge Elwood's beliefs and actions.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8.9

The conflict in the scene, both internal and external, is intense and drives the characters' actions and emotions.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting beliefs and actions between Turner and Elwood. The audience is left unsure of how the confrontation will unfold.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high as the characters confront the deception of joy, the harsh reality of their situation, and the injustices they face.

Story Forward: 9

The scene effectively moves the story forward by revealing the characters' internal struggles, conflicts, and defiance against injustice.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected actions and emotional outbursts of the characters. The audience is kept on edge by the shifting dynamics.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between the facade of joy and normalcy created by the authorities at Nickel Academy and the harsh reality of the boys' situation. Turner and Elwood represent opposing views on how to deal with this conflict.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions of sadness, disgust, and defiance, resonating with the audience and creating a powerful impact.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue effectively conveys the characters' emotions, conflicts, and defiance, adding depth to the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its emotional depth, sharp dialogue, and moral dilemmas. The tension between characters keeps the audience invested in the story.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and emotional depth. The rhythm of the dialogue and character movements enhances the impact of the confrontation.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions. The formatting enhances the visual storytelling.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear transitions and character development. The pacing and rhythm contribute to its effectiveness.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the stark contrast between the facade of joy at Nickel Academy and the underlying tragedy experienced by the boys. The use of food, particularly the ice cream, serves as a powerful symbol of the manipulation and false hope provided by the institution, which is a poignant commentary on the broader systemic issues faced by the characters.
  • Turner's internal conflict is well portrayed through his physical reactions and dialogue. His disgust at the situation is palpable, and the way he mirrors Elwood's feelings enhances the emotional weight of the scene. However, the dialogue could be tightened to make Turner's frustration more impactful and to avoid redundancy in his lines.
  • The pacing of the scene is effective, with the buildup of excitement among the boys contrasting sharply with Turner and Elwood's somber reactions. However, the transition from the dining hall to the confrontation between Elwood and Turner could be smoother to maintain the emotional flow.
  • The dialogue between Elwood and Turner is powerful, particularly Elwood's outburst about 'murdering ourselves.' This line encapsulates the despair and frustration felt by the characters, but it could benefit from further exploration of Elwood's motivations and the implications of his statement. This would deepen the audience's understanding of his character and the stakes involved.
  • The visual elements, such as the POV shots, effectively immerse the audience in the characters' experiences. However, the scene could benefit from more descriptive language to enhance the sensory details, particularly in the dining hall, to create a more vivid atmosphere.
Suggestions
  • Consider tightening Turner's dialogue to eliminate any repetitive phrases, making his frustration more concise and impactful.
  • Explore Elwood's motivations further in his confrontation with Turner. Adding a line or two that reflects his internal struggle could enhance the emotional depth of the scene.
  • Smooth the transition between the dining hall and the confrontation by adding a brief moment that highlights the shift in tone, perhaps through a visual cue or a sound that signifies the change.
  • Incorporate more sensory details in the descriptions of the dining hall and the food to create a more immersive experience for the audience.
  • Consider adding a moment of silence or stillness after Elwood's outburst to allow the weight of his words to resonate with both Turner and the audience before moving on to the next action.



Scene 53 - A Fork in the Road
131 EXT. NICKEL - FIELD - BLEACHERS - 1967 - DAY (D66) 131

Elwood POV from up on a scaffold next to the bleachers on the
field, which are turned upward on their side, repairing and
painting planks with some of the other boys. He hammers down
hard on a nail three times, forcing it flush against the new
plank of wood. The contrast is sharp between it and the old
splintery one below.

At the SOUND of cars turning onto the Nickel campus, he turns
his head quickly. A 100 nails bounce off the stands below.

DESMOND (O.S.)
(sucking his teeth)
What the hell.

Elwood looks down at Desmond working below, dodging the rain
of nails from the box he’s knocked over.

Elwood now clocks THREE INSPECTORS walking up the cement
path, pointing at this or that. They pass the White House
without a glance, pass a basketball court where some white
boys are playing, pass a makeshift baseball diamond,
approaching the football end of the field.

The portly one looks like Jackie Gleason, and the tall one
like JFK: white teeth, tan and the haircut. The man in the
middle is practically a human mouse. They wear hats, but
their jackets are off and their short sleeve shirts and
clipped black ties make them look more NASA than G-men.

They’re escorted by JAIME. Elwood starts to reorient to the
thought:

Maybe it’s possible.

CUT TO:

Turner’s POV from a scaffold near the set of bleachers
directly across the field from the ones Elwood is repairing.
He also spots that the Inspectors are escorted by Jaime.



(CONTINUED)
131 CONTINUED: 131

He looks across to Elwood and sees Elwood realize the
opportunity: maybe it’s possible.

TURNER (O.S.)
(to himself)
Elwood.

He sees Elwood descend the scaffold ladder. Sees him step
around Black Mike who is awkwardly setting a new pine plank
into place. Sees that Elwood has the right angle for the
interception and is on the move. He’s fifty yards away, when-

CUT TO:

Elwood’s POV as he moves forward, focused on intercepting the
inspectors, when-

HARPER (O.S.)
Hey Elwood.

Elwood doesn’t register the voice as directed to him. He’s
ten yards away now. Focused on JFK in the center.

HARPER (O.S.) (CONT'D)
Elwood!

Elwood stops in his tracks, turning to see Harper.

HARPER (CONT'D)
Hold on a minute, Elwood.

ELWOOD (O.S.)
What is it Mr. Harper?

Elwood watches the men walk past a few yards behind Harper.

HARPER
I need you to head up to the farms
and find Mr. Gladwell. Those men
from the State aren’t heading up
there today. They’re going to send
some other experts for that. You
find him and tell him he can relax.

Elwood turns to where Harper points, up a dirt road that
leads to the farms.

ELWOOD
(talking too fast)
I like the bleacher repair. We
still need to paint, too. Can one
of the little kids go?
(MORE)



(CONTINUED)
131 CONTINUED: (2) 131
ELWOOD (CONT'D)
I don’t even know what Mr. Gladwell
looks like, Mr. Harper, sir. Sir,
I’d rather work on the bleachers.

HARPER
(pissed)
Acting crazy today, all of you.
He’s got a straw hat and a farmer
tan. You do what I asked you to do,
and on Friday it’s back to usual.

He stalks off.

TURNER (O.S.)
I’ll do it.

Elwood turns. Turner runs up beside him.

ELWOOD (O.S.)
(exasperated)
What, Turner. What?

TURNER
That notebook you got in your
pocket. I’ll get it to them, I’ll
do it. Look at you, you look sick.

Elwood hesitates. A deep tremor runs through him. He looks at
Turner.

TURNER (O.S.) (CONT'D)
I can slip it in their car window
when they’re not looking. They
won’t even see.

CUT TO:

Turner’s POV. Elwood tries to contain his emotion, reaches in
his back pocket and gives Turner the notebook, all his
anguished hope in this moment. Then he turns, and runs.
Turner watches as Elwood runs towards the dirt road up to the
fields, toward the horizon.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary Elwood, focused on repairing bleachers at Nickel, is distracted by the arrival of inspectors, contemplating a potential opportunity. However, Harper insists he find Mr. Gladwell instead, leading to a conflict between Elwood's desires and his responsibilities. Despite his reluctance, Elwood hands his notebook to Turner for delivery to the inspectors and runs towards the fields, leaving Turner to fulfill the task.
Strengths
  • Strong character dynamics
  • High emotional impact
  • Tension building
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue may feel rushed or forced

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.7

The scene is well-crafted with a strong focus on character dynamics, high stakes, and emotional depth. The tension and desperation felt by the characters are effectively portrayed, leading to a compelling narrative.


Story Content

Concept: 8.6

The concept of the scene revolves around the characters' attempt to make a significant change in their circumstances, leading to a sense of hope and desperation. This concept drives the emotional core of the scene.

Plot: 8.7

The plot of the scene focuses on the characters' actions and decisions in a high-stakes situation, driving the narrative forward and building tension effectively.

Originality: 8

The scene offers a fresh perspective on a familiar theme of seizing opportunities and defying authority. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 8.8

The characters in the scene are well-developed, with Elwood and Turner displaying complex emotions and motivations. Their interactions drive the emotional impact of the scene.

Character Changes: 9

Both Elwood and Turner undergo significant emotional changes in the scene, with Elwood's desperation and Turner's determination driving their character arcs forward.

Internal Goal: 8

Elwood's internal goal is to seize an opportunity that may change his circumstances. This reflects his desire for a better future and a way out of his current situation.

External Goal: 7

Elwood's external goal is to intercept the inspectors and potentially change his fate. This reflects the immediate challenge he faces in trying to improve his situation.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8.9

The conflict in the scene is intense, with characters facing internal and external challenges that drive the narrative forward and create tension.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting goals and obstacles that challenge the protagonist's choices.

High Stakes: 9

The high stakes in the scene add tension and urgency to the characters' actions, driving the narrative forward and creating a sense of suspense.

Story Forward: 9

The scene effectively moves the story forward by introducing new challenges and developments for the characters, setting the stage for future events.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected turn of events and the characters' conflicting motivations.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict is between seizing an opportunity for change and following orders from authority figures. This challenges Elwood's beliefs about taking risks for a better future.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.7

The scene has a high emotional impact, with the characters' desperation and hope resonating with the audience and creating a sense of empathy and tension.

Dialogue: 8.4

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the characters' emotions and motivations, adding depth to their interactions and highlighting the high stakes involved.

Engagement: 8

This scene is engaging because of the high stakes, emotional conflict, and dynamic character interactions.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene builds tension effectively and maintains the audience's interest through well-timed reveals and character interactions.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings and descriptions that enhance visual storytelling.

Structure: 9

The scene follows a clear structure with well-defined character actions and dialogue that advance the plot effectively.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension and anticipation as Elwood prepares to intercept the inspectors, creating a sense of hope for a potential opportunity. However, the abrupt interruption by Harper feels somewhat jarring and could benefit from a smoother transition to maintain the momentum of Elwood's determination.
  • The dialogue between Elwood and Harper is functional but lacks emotional depth. Harper's character comes off as one-dimensional, primarily serving as an obstacle for Elwood. Adding layers to Harper's motivations or frustrations could enhance the conflict and make the scene more engaging.
  • Turner's role in the scene is crucial, yet his dialogue is minimal. Expanding on his internal conflict or adding a line that reflects his concern for Elwood's well-being could deepen their friendship and highlight the stakes involved in Elwood's decision.
  • The visual descriptions are strong, particularly the contrasting imagery of the new and old bleachers. However, the scene could benefit from more sensory details to immerse the audience further, such as the sounds of the hammering, the smell of fresh paint, or the atmosphere of the Nickel Academy grounds.
  • The pacing of the scene is generally good, but the transition from Elwood's hopeful perspective to Harper's command feels rushed. Allowing a moment for Elwood to process the interruption before responding could heighten the emotional impact and showcase his internal struggle.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of reflection for Elwood after he spots the inspectors, allowing the audience to feel his hope and determination before the interruption occurs.
  • Develop Harper's character by providing a line or two that hints at his own frustrations or pressures, making him more relatable and complex rather than just an antagonist.
  • Include a line from Turner that expresses his concern for Elwood's health or emotional state, reinforcing their bond and the stakes of the situation.
  • Enhance the sensory details in the scene to create a more vivid atmosphere, helping the audience to feel the environment and the tension of the moment.
  • Slow down the pacing slightly during the transition from Elwood's hopeful moment to Harper's command, allowing for a more impactful emotional shift.



Scene 54 - Reflections of the Past
132 EXT. NICKEL ACADEMY - GROUNDS - 1967 - DAY (D66) 132

Turner POV from inside the Nickel Community Service van,
watching the three Inspectors and Hardee lean into each other
now that the State inspection is complete- conversing,
laughing, almost merging as they take their leave...

JFK, who is holding his hat, flicks it so it rolls up on his
arm and onto his head. The men all laugh: a well-oiled,
surreally choreographed, impenetrable Good Ole Boy machine.


(CONTINUED)
132 CONTINUED: 132

TURNER (O.S.)
(to himself)
Goddam... C’mon. Now or never.


132A EXT. CURTIS HOME - FRENCHTOWN - 1967 - DAY (D-FF8) 132A

Adult Elwood (17) POV as his hand KNOCKS on the front door.
SOUND of footsteps within slowly approaching.

Hattie cracks opens the door, peeks out through the gap where
the door is chained. She quickly pulls the door shut. SOUND
of her sliding the chain off.

A beat.

She opens the door wide now. She stands there, looking at
him. Her eyes well, she starts to tremble with emotion.


133 EXT. NICKEL ACADEMY - BOOT HILL - 1967 - DAY (D66) 133

Elwood POV, walking, taking the long way back on the trail
that circumnavigates Boot Hill. Then he steps off the path
and walks through. Past the iron links embedded in the tree
trunks. He is slow with his steps...

Postponing the inevitable consequences ahead, he starts
whistling the Gospel song “I Love the Lord, He Heard my Cry”
to give himself courage.

A breeze rustles through Boot Hill, swaying tree branches. In
the distance ahead some fallen leaves spiral upward briefly
in a wind eddy.


134 INT. NICKEL ACADEMY - SCHOOL HALLWAY - 1967 - DAY (D66) 134

Scene is B/W.

Turner POV walking down a school hallway when he encounters
the skinny, frail MULE. It stands there with a long piece of
straw in its mouth.

It looks at Turner, chewing the straw.

Unsure it’s really there, Turner moves toward it and strokes
the animal, then moves closer and grasps its mane, slowly
twisting it to be sure it’s real.

The mule looks at him, as if he’s done something wrong.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In this tense and reflective scene, Turner observes the camaraderie between inspectors at Nickel Academy, feeling frustrated and urgent to act. The focus shifts to 17-year-old Elwood, who confronts his emotions as he visits Hattie at the Curtis home, where their deep connection is palpable. Elwood walks through Boot Hill, whistling a gospel song to gather courage, while Turner encounters a frail mule, prompting introspection amidst the chaos. The scene captures the weight of past experiences and unresolved conflicts.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Atmospheric tension
Weaknesses
  • Potential pacing issues
  • Lack of clarity in surreal elements

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys a mix of tension, reflection, and surreal elements, creating a compelling atmosphere. The emotional depth and character dynamics add richness to the narrative.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of introspection, emotional turmoil, and uncertain futures is effectively explored through the characters' interactions and the surreal elements in the scene.

Plot: 8

The plot progression in the scene is driven by the characters' emotional journeys and reflections on past experiences, adding depth to the narrative.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces unique situations like the chained door, the mule encounter, and the Gospel song, adding authenticity to the characters' actions and dialogue.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters in the scene are complex and multi-dimensional, with internal conflicts and emotional depth that drive the narrative forward. Their interactions reveal layers of vulnerability and resilience.

Character Changes: 8

The characters undergo significant emotional changes and reflections in the scene, deepening their development and setting the stage for future growth.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to muster courage and face the inevitable consequences ahead. This reflects his need for bravery in the face of adversity.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to confront the challenges and obstacles he encounters, such as the inspectors and the chained door. This reflects the immediate circumstances he's facing.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The scene contains internal and external conflicts that drive the characters' emotional journeys and add tension to the narrative.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with obstacles and challenges that keep the audience on edge and unsure of the protagonist's fate.

High Stakes: 8

The scene conveys high stakes through the characters' emotional turmoil, uncertain futures, and internal conflicts, adding tension and depth to the narrative.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by delving into the characters' emotional journeys and reflections, adding depth to the narrative and setting up future plot developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected encounters, emotional reactions, and the protagonist's uncertain fate.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict is evident in the protagonist's struggle between fear and courage, conformity and rebellion, and the oppressive system he's in. This challenges his beliefs in justice and freedom.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking a range of emotions from the characters and the audience, creating a poignant and memorable moment in the story.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the characters' emotions, conflicts, and reflections, adding depth to their interactions and enhancing the overall atmosphere.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its emotional depth, suspenseful atmosphere, and character development. The audience is drawn into the protagonist's internal and external struggles.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension, creates suspense, and allows for emotional moments to resonate with the audience.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings, descriptive action lines, and character dialogue.

Structure: 9

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, effectively building tension, developing character relationships, and advancing the plot.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the emotional weight of Elwood's journey, transitioning from the oppressive environment of Nickel Academy to the warmth of his home. However, the pacing feels uneven, particularly in the transition from Turner’s perspective to Adult Elwood’s. The abrupt shift could benefit from a smoother transition that maintains the emotional continuity.
  • The use of visual metaphors, such as the 'Good Ole Boy machine' and the frail mule, adds depth to the narrative. However, the significance of the mule could be further explored to enhance its symbolic weight. As it stands, it feels somewhat disconnected from the preceding events and could benefit from a clearer thematic link.
  • The dialogue, particularly Turner’s internal monologue, is impactful but could be expanded to provide more insight into his emotional state. This would help the audience connect more deeply with his frustration and urgency, making the stakes feel higher.
  • The scene's tone shifts from the camaraderie of the inspectors to the emotional reunion between Elwood and Hattie, which is effective. However, the emotional intensity of Hattie's reaction could be heightened to create a more poignant moment. This could involve more physicality or dialogue that reflects her internal struggle.
  • The whistling of the Gospel song serves as a nice touch to convey Elwood's attempt to muster courage. However, the choice of song could be more explicitly tied to his emotional state or the narrative context, enhancing its significance.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of reflection for Turner before he speaks, allowing the audience to feel his internal conflict more acutely. This could be achieved through a visual cue or a short internal monologue.
  • Enhance the emotional reunion between Elwood and Hattie by incorporating more dialogue that reveals their shared history and the weight of their separation. This could deepen the audience's investment in their relationship.
  • Explore the symbolism of the frail mule further. Perhaps include a moment where Turner reflects on its presence, drawing a parallel between the mule's frailty and the boys' own vulnerabilities within the academy.
  • Smooth the transition between scenes by using a visual or auditory cue that links Turner’s perspective to Elwood’s arrival at home. This could be a sound motif or a visual element that carries through both scenes.
  • Consider expanding on the whistling moment by incorporating a flashback or a memory that connects the song to Elwood's past, reinforcing its emotional significance in the current moment.



Scene 55 - Descent into Darkness
135 INT. NICKEL ACADEMY - DORMITORY - 1967 - DUSK (D66) 135

Turner POV, in the middle of a card game. Other boys are
hanging out.

JAIME (O.S.)
(arriving)
Compas-

Turner turns as Jaime enters, having run from the white side
of campus.

JAIME (CONT'D)
They will take him tonight.

TURNER (O.S.)
Who? Elwood? Shit! I told him this
would happen!

He springs to his feet and goes to Desmond and Mike.

TURNER (O.S.) (CONT'D)
(alarmed)
I didn’t hear nobody out for ice
cream? When did they get him?

The other boys look at him, grim.

BLACK MIKE
They got him right after lunch.

TURNER (O.S.)
Where is he?

Mike points upward.

DESMOND
Sweatbox.

He also points upward.

TURNER (O.S.)
He’s been in there all day?

Turner slowly looks up to the ceiling, except there is no
ceiling... only a pitch dark sky, like he’s looking up into
the heart of the universe. There is the seed of a faint
SOUND... a human-engine screaming... and everything in the
room begins subtly vibrating.


136 INT. NICKEL - ATTIC SWEAT BOX - 1967 - DUSK (D66) 136

Elwood POV in darkness inside the sweatbox in the attic above
the dorm. The vibration increases gradually with the SOUND of
the human-engine SCREAM escalating and transforms into a
deeper ROAR... like the SOUND of a passenger jet falling in a
death spiral... keening and careening toward Earth...


137 OMITTED 137


137A OMITTED 137A


138 ARCHIVAL FOOTAGE 138

Mules and men, toppling, uprooting a colossal Southern tree.


139 INT. NICKEL ACADEMY - SWEAT BOX - 1967 - NIGHT (N66) 139

Elwood’s POV in the darkness of the sweat box,
claustrophobic, roving along the walls. SOUND of the door to
the stairwell in the attic scraping against the floor. Faint
footsteps outside. A shadow on the wall moves as a figure
outside blocks the little light coming into the space.
Elwood shifts, as if bracing himself. The bolt slides.

Light enters the darkness. There’s a slim silhouette in the
doorway that backs away from the initial stench.

CUT TO:

Turner’s POV as Elwood’s head emerges from the sweat box. He
leans, like his head is too heavy for his neck, against the
doorframe.

In the dim light, Turner glimpses the graffiti etched in the
walls over the years. The desperate scratching and markings
of blind creatures trying to see into themselves in the dark.

TURNER (O.S.)
(whispering)
They’re going to take you out back
tomorrow.

ELWOOD
Yeah.

Like Turner is talking about someone else.




(CONTINUED)
139 CONTINUED: 139

TURNER (O.S.)
(whispering)
We got to get, man.

Elwood looks at him now, digesting the “we”.

ELWOOD
Blakeley.

TURNER (O.S.)
(whispering)
C’mon.

Turner’s hand reaches out and pulls Elwood up.


140 INT. NICKEL - HALLWAY - 1967 - NIGHT (N66) 140

Turner’s POV watching Elwood painfully try to put his arm
into the sleeve of the shirt that he arrived in Nickel at,
his dehydrated body stiff and weak from the confinement.
Genres: ["Drama","Historical"]

Summary In a tense scene set in the Nickel Academy dormitory, Turner learns from Jaime that Elwood has been confined in the sweatbox since lunch, facing a dire situation. As the atmosphere grows ominous, the sound of a human-engine screaming symbolizes the danger Elwood is in. Inside the sweatbox, Elwood experiences claustrophobia and fear. Upon his release, Turner urgently urges Elwood to escape, but Elwood, weakened and resigned, struggles to put on his shirt. The scene captures the urgency and despair of their predicament.
Strengths
  • Intense atmosphere
  • Emotional depth
  • Effective use of visuals and sound
Weaknesses
  • Minimal dialogue

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene is highly impactful in creating a sense of tension and desperation, with a dark and claustrophobic tone that keeps the audience engaged.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of the scene, focusing on the confinement and impending danger faced by Elwood, is well-developed and effectively portrayed.

Plot: 9

The plot progression in the scene is crucial as it sets up the imminent danger and the characters' reactions to it.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh and authentic portrayal of the struggles faced by the protagonist in a challenging and oppressive environment. The dialogue and actions feel genuine and impactful, adding to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters' reactions and interactions in the scene are pivotal in conveying the emotional impact and building tension.

Character Changes: 8

Elwood experiences a significant shift in his situation and mindset, preparing to face the impending danger.

Internal Goal: 9

The protagonist's internal goal is to survive and protect himself from the harsh conditions and mistreatment at the reform school. This reflects his deeper need for freedom, safety, and dignity.

External Goal: 8

The protagonist's external goal is to escape from the sweatbox and the oppressive environment of the reform school. This reflects the immediate challenge he is facing and the danger he is in.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is internal and external, with the characters facing imminent danger and making crucial decisions.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing physical confinement, mistreatment, and the threat of punishment. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how the protagonist will overcome these obstacles.

High Stakes: 10

The stakes are high as Elwood faces the threat of being taken out back, adding urgency and tension to the scene.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward by setting up a critical moment and showcasing the characters' reactions to it.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists and turns in the protagonist's journey, the shifting power dynamics, and the uncertain outcome of his escape attempt.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the struggle for justice and equality in the face of systemic racism and oppression. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs in fairness, humanity, and the possibility of change.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9.5

The scene evokes a strong emotional response from the audience, eliciting fear, anxiety, and empathy for the characters.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is minimal but impactful, conveying the urgency and fear of the characters effectively.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense emotional moments, high stakes, and the protagonist's struggle for survival. The tension and suspense keep the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the protagonist's journey. The rhythm of the scene contributes to its effectiveness in conveying the emotional depth and urgency of the situation.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and concise, effectively guiding the reader through the intense and emotional moments. It follows the expected format for its genre, enhancing the readability and impact of the scene.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene effectively builds tension and conveys the protagonist's struggle for survival and escape. It follows the expected format for its genre, enhancing the impact of the narrative.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension and urgency through the use of sound and visual imagery, particularly with the transition from the dormitory to the sweatbox. The escalating sound of the human-engine screaming creates a visceral sense of dread that mirrors Elwood's situation.
  • Turner's emotional response to Elwood's predicament is palpable, and the dialogue conveys a sense of camaraderie and urgency. However, the dialogue could benefit from more specificity regarding the stakes of Elwood's situation. What exactly does 'they will take him' entail? Providing a clearer context could heighten the emotional impact.
  • The use of visual metaphors, such as the pitch dark sky and the vibrations in the room, is powerful. However, the transition from the dormitory to the sweatbox could be more seamless. The shift in perspective is jarring, and a smoother transition could enhance the flow of the scene.
  • The graffiti on the walls of the sweatbox serves as a poignant symbol of despair and the history of suffering within Nickel Academy. However, it might be beneficial to include a brief moment where Elwood reflects on the markings, adding depth to his character and the weight of his experience.
  • The dialogue between Turner and Elwood is effective in conveying their bond, but it could be more dynamic. Consider incorporating more emotional subtext or conflict in their exchange to reflect the gravity of their situation and the urgency of their escape.
Suggestions
  • Clarify the implications of Elwood being taken by providing more context about what that means for him and the other boys. This could involve a brief line from Turner that hints at the consequences of Elwood's situation.
  • Enhance the transition between the dormitory and the sweatbox by incorporating a visual or auditory cue that links the two spaces more fluidly, perhaps through a shared sound or a visual motif.
  • Consider adding a moment where Elwood interacts with the graffiti, perhaps tracing a name or a date, to emphasize the history of suffering and connect his experience to those who came before him.
  • Introduce more emotional complexity in the dialogue between Turner and Elwood. This could involve Turner expressing his own fears or regrets, which would deepen their relationship and heighten the stakes of their situation.
  • Explore the use of silence or pauses in the dialogue to build tension. Allowing moments of silence can amplify the emotional weight of the scene and give the audience time to absorb the gravity of Elwood's confinement.



Scene 56 - Secrets and Stakes
141 INT. NICKEL - ANOTHER HALLWAY - 1967 - NIGHT (N66) 141

Elwood’s POV of Turner creeping in front of him, also dressed
in his regular clothes.

Turner moves stealthily past a warm light coming through the
glazed panels in the door of an office. The voices of
Spencer, Blakeley, Earl are recognizable among others. An OS
poker game is going on in there. SOUND of cards being
shuffled, chips moved around.

BLAKELEY (V.O.)
How you always know?

SPENCER (V.O.)
Well I don’t know, do I? You play
the hand you’re dealt. It’s a
lesson Blakeley. I learnt a long
time ago.

BLAKELEY (V.O.)
(suspicious)
Well you sure get dealt queens
often. And aces.

EARL (V.O.)
They gonna shut us down?

Turner peeps in.




(CONTINUED)
141 CONTINUED: 141

SPENCER (V.O.)
I’ll be god-damned if Tallahassee
tells me what to do. (to Earl) Open
the window, it’s hot.

SOUND of a chair being pushed back. Turner ducks down as
Earl’s shadow crosses the glazed window, then crosses back.

BLAKELEY (V.O.)
Move the button, let’s go.

EARL (V.O.)
C’mon lady luck.

SPENCER (V.O.)
Didn’t she leave you for another
man?

EARL (V.O.)
Shit’s not funny guys, I ain’t seen
my kids in six months.

BLAKELEY (V.O.)
Sounds lucky to me.

Laughter.

SPENCER (V.O.)
(resumes poker)
It is, it is. I call.

Elwood follows Turner past the door and around the corner.
Sound of the their voices fades, grows distant.

BLAKELEY (V.O.)
Call.

EARL (V.O.)
Raise, ten.

SPENCER (V.O.)
Call.

BLAKELEY
Fold. (meaning the queen) And there
she is. Careful Earl.

ELWOOD (V.O.)
(whispering; close)
Turner, why?


142 OMITTED 142
Genres: ["Drama","Mystery"]

Summary In a dimly lit hallway of the Nickel establishment, Turner stealthily observes a poker game where Spencer, Blakeley, and Earl engage in a mix of playful banter and serious reflections on luck and personal struggles. As Turner peeks through the door, Elwood, who is following him, whispers his concern about Turner's intentions. The scene captures the tension of the game and the characters' underlying issues, particularly Earl's lament about his family, blending humor with a sense of urgency.
Strengths
  • Effective use of dialogue to build tension
  • Intriguing setup for future plot developments
  • Engaging character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Lack of significant character development in this specific scene

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively builds suspense and intrigue through the use of dialogue and sound, keeping the audience engaged and curious about the characters' intentions.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of eavesdropping on a secretive poker game adds depth to the narrative, hinting at hidden agendas and power dynamics within Nickel Academy.

Plot: 8.5

The plot thickens as Turner overhears the poker game, introducing new layers of intrigue and potential conflicts that will drive the story forward.

Originality: 7

The scene introduces a familiar setting of a poker game but adds depth through the characters' nuanced interactions and discussions about luck and personal responsibility. The authenticity of the dialogue and character dynamics adds originality to the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters' interactions during the poker game reveal their personalities and motivations, adding complexity to their roles within the narrative.

Character Changes: 7

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the interactions hint at potential shifts in relationships and motivations.

Internal Goal: 8

Elwood's internal goal in this scene is to understand Turner's actions and motives. This reflects his curiosity and desire for clarity in a situation that seems mysterious and potentially dangerous.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to follow Turner and potentially uncover the truth behind his actions. This goal reflects the immediate challenge of navigating a secretive environment and potentially risky situation.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between the characters is subtly hinted at through their interactions during the poker game, setting the stage for future confrontations.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with characters engaging in cryptic exchanges and hinting at hidden motives and conflicts. The audience is left unsure of the characters' true intentions, adding to the suspense.

High Stakes: 8

The high stakes of the poker game, combined with the secretive nature of the interactions, add tension and suspense to the scene.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by introducing new elements of intrigue and conflict, setting the stage for future developments within the narrative.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the characters' cryptic exchanges and the sense of tension and mystery surrounding Turner's actions. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of what will happen next.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around luck, fate, and personal responsibility. The characters discuss the concept of luck in relation to their own lives and choices, highlighting differing beliefs about agency and chance.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7.5

The scene evokes a sense of tension and curiosity, engaging the audience emotionally and drawing them into the unfolding mystery.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue between Spencer, Blakeley, and Earl is engaging and reveals subtle tensions and dynamics, enhancing the scene's suspenseful atmosphere.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its suspenseful atmosphere, cryptic dialogue, and the sense of mystery surrounding Turner's actions. The audience is drawn into the characters' world and motivations, eager to uncover the truth.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and suspense, with a gradual escalation of intrigue and mystery that keeps the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and easy to follow, with proper scene headings and descriptions that enhance the visual storytelling.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a standard format for a suspenseful moment in a screenplay, with clear action and dialogue sequences that build tension and intrigue.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension through the use of sound and dialogue, creating an atmosphere of secrecy and danger. The poker game serves as a metaphor for the characters' lives, where they are forced to play the hands they are dealt, reflecting the broader themes of power and control within Nickel Academy.
  • The dialogue is sharp and reveals character dynamics well, particularly the banter between Spencer, Blakeley, and Earl. However, the scene could benefit from more distinct character voices to differentiate the speakers, as the dialogue can blend together, making it harder for the audience to follow who is speaking.
  • The use of Elwood's POV is a strong choice, allowing the audience to experience the tension through his eyes. However, the transition from Elwood's perspective to the poker game could be more fluid. Consider adding a brief moment where Elwood's emotions are highlighted as he observes the game, enhancing the stakes for him personally.
  • The scene's pacing is generally effective, but it could be tightened by reducing some of the dialogue that doesn't directly contribute to the tension or character development. For instance, the line about lady luck could be trimmed or rephrased to maintain focus on the urgency of the situation.
  • The visual elements, such as the warm light and the shadows, create a vivid setting. However, consider incorporating more sensory details to enhance the atmosphere, such as the smell of smoke or the sound of chips clinking, which could further immerse the audience in the scene.
Suggestions
  • Differentiate the characters' voices more clearly in the dialogue to help the audience easily identify who is speaking. This could be achieved through unique phrases or speech patterns for each character.
  • Add a moment of reflection for Elwood as he observes the poker game, allowing the audience to connect with his emotional state and the implications of what he is witnessing.
  • Consider tightening the dialogue by removing or rephrasing lines that do not add to the tension or character development, ensuring that every line serves a purpose.
  • Incorporate more sensory details to enhance the atmosphere, such as sounds, smells, or visual cues that can create a more immersive experience for the audience.
  • Explore the implications of the poker game further by hinting at the stakes involved, both in the game and in the broader context of the characters' lives, to deepen the thematic resonance of the scene.



Scene 57 - Midnight Escape
143 EXT. HARDEE HOUSE - 1967 - NIGHT (N66) 143

Turner’s POV, moving swiftly along the edge of the swimming
pool in the back yard of the Hardee house, glancing back at
Elwood. Moonlight creates a silky reflection on the pool
water.

TURNER (V.O.)
(whispering)
Shit- they been running around like
bugs, all these lowlifes. Spencer.
Hardee. Jaime heard them talking
about taking you out back. That was
it. Tonight or not at all.

The lights are on in the house, the Hardees have guests for
dinner.

ELWOOD (V.O.)
(whispering)
Why you coming with me?

TURNER (V.O.)
(whispering)
They snatch you up in a hot minute,
dumb as you are.

The matching BICYCLES are still there leaning on the porch.

CUT TO:

Elwood’s POV as Turner gets on a bike and slowly pedals off,
looking back over his shoulder.

ELWOOD (V.O.)
(whispering)
How long you been planning this?

TURNER (V.O.)
(whispering)
No outfoxing the dogs once they on
your trail. Most you can do is get
far away as you can. Put miles
between you and them.

CUT TO:

Turner’s POV of Elwood struggling to get on the other bike,
finally getting going.

ELWOOD (V.O.)
(whispering)
Tallahassee?



(CONTINUED)
143 CONTINUED: 143

TURNER (V.O.)
(whispering)
Yeah, good. We can jump a train,
and then those dogs going to need
wings to catch us.

ELWOOD (V.O.)
(whispering)
They were going to kill me and bury
me out there?

TURNER (V.O.)
(whispering)
Sure as shit.


144 EXT. COUNTRY ROAD - NEAR MARIANNA - DAWN INTO DAY (D67) 144

Elwood’s POV as they ride, Turner’s ahead setting the pace.

ELWOOD (V.O.)
(whispering)
You got me out.

TURNER (V.O.)
(whispering)
Yup.

TURNER (V.O.)
(whispering)
Can you ride it? We got to get far
by sun up.

ELWOOD (V.O.)
(whispering)
I can do it.

The sky is growing lighter in the East. The road is desolate
until the SOUND of a vehicle comes up behind them fast.

ELWOOD (O.S.)
(calling out)
Car.

They bike on. A red pick-up overtakes them and passes.

CUT TO:

Turner’s POV, watching the car drive off as its lights fade
away. He looks back at Elwood who grins and doubles down.
He’s sturdy, impressive, as the sun starts to come up.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary Turner warns Elwood of an imminent threat against his life, insisting they escape together. They prepare to leave the Hardee house on bicycles, with Turner leading the way. As they ride away, Elwood feels relieved and relies on Turner for guidance. The scene shifts to a desolate country road at dawn, where they narrowly avoid a passing vehicle, symbolizing their transition from danger to hope. The tension of their escape is palpable, but Elwood gains confidence as they move into the light of dawn.
Strengths
  • Tension-building
  • Strong character dynamics
  • Emotional impact
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development for secondary characters

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively builds tension and suspense, creating a sense of urgency and danger. The dialogue and actions of the characters contribute to a strong emotional impact.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene, focusing on an escape attempt in a dangerous situation, is engaging and well-executed.

Plot: 8.5

The plot of the scene is crucial in advancing the story, introducing high stakes and character development.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh take on the theme of survival and escape, with unique character dynamics and a sense of moral ambiguity. The dialogue feels authentic and adds depth to the characters.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-developed and their actions and dialogue contribute to the tension and emotional impact of the scene.

Character Changes: 8

The characters undergo significant changes as they face a life-threatening situation and make decisions that impact their future.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to escape danger and survive. This reflects their fear of being killed and their desire for freedom and safety.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to physically escape the threat of being killed by the lowlifes. This reflects the immediate challenge they are facing and the need to outsmart their pursuers.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is high, with the characters facing imminent danger and making crucial decisions.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the characters facing imminent danger and difficult choices that challenge their morals and survival instincts.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in the scene, with the characters facing the threat of violence and death.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by introducing a crucial turning point and setting up future events.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the characters' uncertain fate and the constant threat of danger, keeping the audience on edge.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the struggle between survival and morality. The characters are forced to make tough decisions to ensure their safety, even if it means leaving others behind or resorting to drastic measures.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene has a strong emotional impact, evoking fear, urgency, and resilience in the characters.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is tense and impactful, effectively conveying the urgency and danger of the situation.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its suspenseful atmosphere, high stakes, and dynamic character interactions.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the characters' journey.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with well-paced action and dialogue, building tension and suspense effectively.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension and urgency, showcasing the stakes for Elwood as he faces a potential threat. The use of Turner’s POV creates a sense of immediacy and intimacy, allowing the audience to feel the weight of the situation alongside the characters.
  • The dialogue is concise and impactful, utilizing whispers to convey the secrecy and danger of their situation. However, the dialogue could benefit from more emotional depth. While the urgency is clear, adding layers of fear, determination, or camaraderie could enhance the emotional stakes.
  • The visual imagery of the moonlit pool and the contrasting darkness of the night creates a vivid backdrop that heightens the tension. However, the transition from the backyard to the country road could be smoother. The abrupt cut might disorient the audience; a brief moment of reflection or a visual cue could help bridge this transition.
  • Elwood's internal conflict is hinted at through his dialogue, but it could be more pronounced. Exploring his feelings about the escape, his trust in Turner, and the fear of what might happen if they fail could add depth to his character and make the audience more invested in his journey.
  • The pacing of the scene is generally effective, but the rhythm could be adjusted to build suspense further. For instance, slowing down the dialogue in certain moments could allow the audience to absorb the gravity of the situation before moving on to the next action.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment where Elwood expresses his fear or doubts about the escape, which would deepen his character and make the stakes feel more personal.
  • Enhance the emotional resonance of the dialogue by incorporating more subtext. For example, Turner could reveal a personal reason for wanting to help Elwood, which would strengthen their bond and add layers to their relationship.
  • Smooth the transition between the backyard and the country road by including a brief moment of reflection or a visual cue that signifies the shift in location, such as a shot of the moonlight fading as dawn approaches.
  • Experiment with the pacing of the dialogue to build suspense. Allow for pauses or moments of silence that can heighten the tension before moving on to the next line or action.
  • Consider incorporating more sensory details to immerse the audience in the scene. Describing the sounds of the night, the feel of the cool air, or the tension in Elwood's muscles as he prepares to escape could enhance the atmosphere.



Scene 58 - Desperate Escape
144A EXT. DIRT ROAD - CANES FIELDS - MORNING (D67) 144A

Elwood’s POV of Turner riding in front of him on a dirt road
through the cane fields now, for awhile, this glorious sunny
morning. Turner looks back smiling at Elwood, he laughs,
joyful at the distance they’ve put between themselves and
Nickel.

Turner rides some more, glances back again, but this time his
expression changes.

CUT TO:

Turner’s POV, he’s looking at Elwood who is smiling, pushing
hard, elated and looking straight at him. Behind Elwood he
sees the Community Service Van flying toward them, closing
in, headlights on, a cloud of dust in its wake.

CUT TO:

Elwood’s POV of Turner veering his bike off the roadside,
dropping it and sprinting. Turner throws a look back at
Elwood.

TURNER
(yelling)
El! Follow me!


144B EXT. FURROWED CANE FIELD - MORNING [CONTINUOUS] (D67) 144B

Turner’s POV running into a field of scorched cane, blackened
earth furrows, looking back to see Elwood pull his bike to
the side of the road, drop it and run as the Community Van
bears down. One of the scars on his legs has re-opened and
bled through his pants as the van pulls over to a roaring
stop behind him and both doors fly open.

CUT TO:

Elwood’s POV running across the furrows toward the woods
beyond. SOUND of rifle shots.

CUT TO:

Turner’s POV as he turns to see Harper chasing fast, carrying
a RIFLE. The Nickel Guard remains by the van.

TURNER (O.S.)
Faster! We got it! Run zig zag El,
run zig zag!

Elwood pants, his mouth agape.



(CONTINUED)
144B CONTINUED: 144B

Turner zigs-

The first rifle shot misses.

Turner zags- He looks back, Harper is holding his rifle like
his daddy taught him. HARPER LOOKS RIGHT AT HIM, MEETING HIS
GAZE. Then he smirks, and shifts the rifle barrel toward
Elwood.

TURNER (O.S.) (CONT'D)
(anguished yell)
No!!

Turner turns and stumbles, almost falling, just barely
regaining his footing. BOOM! SOUND of a dull, distanced rifle
shot. Turner doesn’t look back, he runs.

CUT TO:

Elwood’s POV from where he is lying on the ground looking at
the landscape beyond his outstretched arm, like he did in his
backyard when he was a little boy. Elwood turns to look up at
the sky and Harper walks into FRAME with his rifle slung
across his shoulders.

CUT TO:

Turner’s POV, as he glances back instinctively, and sees
Harper standing over Elwood with his rifle pointed down. He
turns back around and runs for the woods. SOUND of two more
muffled, distant rifle shots.

Cue music: Ethiopiques, Tezata

The music ramps up until 8 seconds into the track, when it is
at full volume, yet still ramping internally. Turner’s
breathing and footfalls as he runs overlay the track, with
music continuing over whole movement that follows...


145 OMITTED 145


145A ARCHIVAL FOOTAGE 145A

Archival footage of a prison escape and pursuit. White men in
uniform find a hat, gather their bloodhounds, mount horses,
and begin a chase. Bloodhounds run through a swampy forest.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary Elwood and Turner revel in their newfound freedom while fleeing through cane fields, but their joy quickly turns to fear as they spot the approaching Community Service Van. Turner urges Elwood to run as Harper, armed with a rifle, begins shooting at them. In a tense chase, Turner tries to protect Elwood, but the situation escalates when Harper aims directly at Elwood. The scene culminates with Elwood lying vulnerable on the ground, looking up at the sky, as Harper looms over him, while Turner continues to flee into the woods amidst distant gunfire.
Strengths
  • Intense pacing
  • Strong emotional impact
  • Compelling character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Minimal dialogue
  • Limited character development for Harper

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene is well-crafted, with a high level of tension, emotional impact, and character development. The execution is strong, effectively conveying the urgency and danger of the situation.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of escape and pursuit is well-developed and executed, creating a gripping and suspenseful narrative. The scene effectively conveys the characters' motivations and the high stakes involved.

Plot: 9.2

The plot of the scene is engaging and propels the story forward, introducing conflict and raising the stakes for the characters. The pursuit adds a sense of danger and excitement to the narrative.

Originality: 8

The scene presents a fresh take on the theme of escape and pursuit, with unique character dynamics and a sense of authenticity in the characters' actions and dialogue.


Character Development

Characters: 9.3

The characters are well-developed and their actions in the scene reveal their strengths, vulnerabilities, and motivations. The dynamic between Elwood and Turner adds depth to the narrative.

Character Changes: 9

The characters undergo significant changes in the scene, particularly Elwood and Turner, as they confront danger and make life-altering decisions. Their actions reveal their growth and resilience.

Internal Goal: 8

Elwood's internal goal is to escape and survive the pursuit by the authorities. This reflects his fear of being caught and his desire for freedom.

External Goal: 9

The protagonist's external goal is to evade capture by the Community Service Van and the Nickel Guard. This reflects the immediate challenge he is facing.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9.5

The level of conflict in the scene is high, with the characters facing imminent danger and making life-threatening decisions. The pursuit and confrontation with Harper raise the stakes and intensify the drama.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing significant obstacles and challenges in evading capture.

High Stakes: 10

The stakes in the scene are extremely high, with the characters' lives on the line and the threat of capture looming over them. The pursuit by Harper raises the tension and danger to a critical level.

Story Forward: 9

The scene effectively moves the story forward, introducing new challenges and obstacles for the characters to overcome. The pursuit and escape add momentum to the narrative and set up future conflicts.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected actions of the characters and the shifting dynamics of the pursuit.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the struggle between freedom and authority. Elwood's desire to escape represents the value of individual liberty, while the pursuit by the authorities represents the control and power of the system.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9.3

The scene has a strong emotional impact, evoking fear, tension, and empathy for the characters. The sense of urgency and danger elicits a visceral response from the audience.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene is minimal but impactful, conveying urgency and emotion. The characters' interactions and reactions enhance the tension and suspense of the moment.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the high stakes, intense action, and emotional conflict between the characters.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene effectively builds suspense and maintains a sense of urgency throughout the pursuit.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of the scene is clear and follows the expected format for a dramatic chase sequence.

Structure: 9

The scene follows a clear structure with well-paced action and transitions between different character perspectives.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension and urgency as Elwood and Turner attempt to escape from the Community Service Van. The use of point-of-view shots enhances the reader's connection to the characters' experiences, allowing us to feel their fear and adrenaline.
  • The transition between Elwood's and Turner's perspectives is well-executed, creating a dynamic sense of movement and urgency. However, the pacing could be tightened in certain areas to maintain the tension throughout the scene. For instance, the moment when Turner first notices the van could be more immediate, perhaps by eliminating some of the descriptive pauses.
  • The dialogue is minimal but impactful, particularly Turner's urgent calls to Elwood. However, the scene could benefit from a few more lines that convey their emotional state or thoughts during the chase, which would deepen the audience's investment in their plight.
  • The imagery of the scorched cane fields is powerful and symbolic, reflecting the harsh realities of their situation. However, the description of Elwood's injury could be more vivid to emphasize the physical toll of their escape and heighten the stakes.
  • The climax of the scene, where Harper aims his rifle at Elwood, is intense and well-constructed. However, the moment could be enhanced by adding a brief internal monologue from Elwood, capturing his fear and desperation in that critical moment.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of reflection or dialogue between Elwood and Turner before they start running, which could provide insight into their emotional states and strengthen their bond.
  • Tighten the pacing by reducing some of the descriptive elements that slow down the action, particularly in the initial moments when Turner first notices the van.
  • Enhance the physicality of the scene by incorporating more sensory details, such as the sounds of the environment or the feeling of the ground beneath their feet, to immerse the audience further in the escape.
  • Include a moment where Elwood acknowledges his injury, perhaps through a grimace or a quick thought, to heighten the stakes and emphasize the physical challenges they face.
  • Consider using a more dramatic musical cue that aligns with the emotional weight of the moment when Harper aims his rifle, enhancing the tension and urgency of the scene.



Scene 59 - Running Through Shadows
145B EXT. RURAL LANDSCAPE - FLORIDA - DUSK (D67) 145B

Turner POV as he runs through a grassy landscape at dusk.


(CONTINUED)
145B CONTINUED: 145B

Various shots as he keeps running.


145C ARCHIVAL FOOTAGE 145C

The prison escape chase scene continues... white men on
horses galloping through wooded swampland, bloodhounds now
onto a scent. Two 60s era military planes flying in
formation. A bloodhound dog barking up a tree at the escapee-
a black man who swats down at the dog.


146 OMITTED 146


147 EXT. RURAL LANDSCAPE - FLORIDA - NIGHT (N67) 147

Turner POV running, through the darkness, through the night,
slowing down then starting up again... running straight out
of himself.


148 OMITTED 148


149 OMITTED 149


150 MONTAGE - TURNER’S STREAM OF CONSCIOUSNESS 150

A rapid series of (mainly) archival images (3 min duration):


A150 ARCHIVAL A150

NASA booster cameras of a space shuttle.


B150 CREATED ARCHIVAL FOOTAGE B150

Faded 16mm B/W footage of Turner as preteen.


C150 ARCHIVAL FOOTAGE C150

B&W time-lapse MRI brain imaging scans.


D150 ARCHIVAL FOOTAGE D150

A Black woman stepping backward and gracefully stumbling over
a picnic item on the ground.


E150 ARCHIVAL FOOTAGE E150

A disembodied black arm rapidly feeding license plates into
an industrial license plate machine.


F150 ARCHIVAL FOOTAGE F150

Empty seats in an electric chair death penalty viewing room.


G150 ARCHIVAL FOOTAGE G150

A Black woman and shirtless Black man outside at a park lake,
spontaneously moving in sync.


H150 ARCHIVAL FOOTAGE H150

A shirtless young Black boy and Black man (same as in
previous) heartily shaking hands.


I150 ARCHIVAL FOOTAGE I150

A grandmother’s gestural movement in a dimly lit kitchen.


J150 ARCHIVAL FOOTAGE J150

NASA booster cameras of a space shuttle.


K150 ARCHIVAL FOOTAGE K150

Electron microscope images of cells splitting, multiplying,
consumed by others, alternating with the sequence of Black
children below:


L150 CREATED ARCHIVAL FOOTAGE L150

A 10-image sequence (10x1 sec) CUs of Black children’s eyes
as they look straight into CAMERA, radiant, then look away,
alternating with the above sequence of cells splitting.


M150 ARCHIVAL FOOTAGE M150

Institutional-style footage of an old reform school for boys,
Deep South. The boys are well-dressed and the classroom is
orderly. It appears like the ideal setting for learning.


N150 ARCHIVAL FOOTAGE N150

A large displacement, as if by large dozers, of red-hued
earth.


X150 CREATED ARCHIVAL FOOTAGE X150

Black boys digging a pit that might be a grave. Red-hued
earth.


O150 ARCHIVAL STILL O150

1970 Fun Town ad: still of a Black family on a rollercoaster
ride, with a radio jingle (interrupting Ethiopiques briefly)
clearly aimed at Black families now.


P150 ARCHIVAL FOOTAGE P150

Exterior, a big blinking bowling alley sign.


Q150 CREATED STILL Q150

Elwood’s birth certificate.


R150 CREATED STILL R150

Elwood’s school report card, straight-As.


S150 CREATED STILL S150

Adult Elwood’s social security card.


T150 OMITTED T150


U150 CREATED STILL U150

The back of a photograph with ‘Elwood, 11 years old,
Christmas’ handwritten by Hattie on it.


V150 ARCHIVAL FOOTAGE V150

Christmas morning, Black boys opening packages under a tree.
Baseball gloves, red sweaters or socks, bowties, boxes of tin
army men... Boys from a nice house in a nice neighborhood...


W150 EXT. CURTIS HOME - FRENCHTOWN FL - 1967 -DAY (D-FF8) W150

[Continuation of Scene 132A.]

Hattie has opened her front door, eyes welling, trembling,
she backs slowly away, shaking her head, unravelling, fending
off the news that is implied by the arrival of - we now
realize, TURNER, at her front door... that Elwood is dead.


Y150 ARCHIVAL FOOTAGE Y150

Interior of a railway boxcar: time-lapse of the monumental
figure standing framed in the doorway of the outside, passing
landscape.



Z150 CREATED ARCHIVAL Z150

The front page of The Register, a photo of Elwood protesting
with Black youths outside the Tallahassee movie theatre
playing The Ugly American and Invaders from Mars. Posters are
visible from the films What’s New Pussycat? and The Greatest
Story Ever Told.


AA150 CREATED ARCHIVAL STILL AA150

The photo taken by the State photographer of Turner bending
down in front of Harper in a framing designed to make him
look subservient.


BB150 CREATED ARCHIVAL FOOTAGE (VIGNETTES) BB150
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In this poignant scene, Turner runs through a dusk-lit landscape, symbolizing his struggle against historical injustices faced by Black individuals. The narrative transitions into archival footage of a prison escape, highlighting the urgency of his journey. A montage of images showcases various aspects of Black life and culture, culminating in Hattie's emotional reaction to the devastating news of her son Elwood's death. The scene captures a somber tone, emphasizing themes of escape, loss, and memory, as Hattie retreats in grief, leaving the weight of sorrow lingering.
Strengths
  • Effective use of archival footage
  • Tension and urgency
  • Character development through actions and interactions
Weaknesses
  • Minimal dialogue
  • Some transitions may be abrupt

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively combines different visual elements and tones to create a sense of urgency and introspection. The use of archival footage adds depth to the storytelling, while the chase sequence adds tension and suspense.


Story Content

Concept: 8.5

The concept of combining archival footage, montages, and a chase sequence to explore Turner's inner turmoil and the urgency of the escape is innovative and engaging. It adds depth to the scene and enhances the overall storytelling.

Plot: 8

The plot progression in the scene is focused on Turner's inner conflict and the characters' escape. The use of different visual elements and tones helps to advance the plot and build suspense towards the climax.

Originality: 9

The scene showcases originality through its unconventional structure, use of archival footage, and thematic exploration of identity and memory. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds depth to the storytelling.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys Turner's emotions and motivations through his actions and interactions. The use of archival footage and montages adds layers to his character and provides insight into his past experiences.

Character Changes: 8

Turner undergoes a significant change in the scene, from reflecting on his past to taking action towards freedom. His inner turmoil and determination to escape drive his character development.

Internal Goal: 8

Turner's internal goal in this scene is to come to terms with his past, memories, and identity. The rapid montage of archival images reflects his stream of consciousness and inner thoughts, highlighting his emotional journey and self-discovery.

External Goal: 6

Turner's external goal is not explicitly stated in this scene, but it can be inferred that he is on a journey of self-discovery and reflection, possibly seeking closure or understanding.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The scene has a high level of conflict, both internal (Turner's inner turmoil) and external (the escape and pursuit). The tension and urgency drive the narrative forward and keep the audience engaged.

Opposition: 6

The opposition in the scene is subtle but present in Turner's internal conflict and societal pressures, adding depth to the narrative and character development.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in the scene as Turner and Elwood are fleeing from captivity and facing the threat of capture. The urgency of the escape and the pursuit add tension and suspense to the narrative.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by advancing the characters' escape plot and providing insight into Turner's past experiences. It sets the stage for the climax and resolution of the narrative.

Unpredictability: 6

This scene is unpredictable due to its non-linear structure, unexpected archival footage, and thematic twists that challenge the audience's expectations.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around themes of identity, memory, and societal expectations. Turner's internal struggle with his past and the external pressures of society's views on race and history create a complex narrative.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a strong emotional impact, evoking feelings of tension, fear, and urgency. The use of archival footage and montages adds depth to the storytelling and enhances the emotional resonance of the scene.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue in the scene is minimal but serves to convey urgency and tension. It effectively complements the visual elements and actions of the characters.

Engagement: 7

This scene is engaging because of its visual storytelling, emotional depth, and thematic complexity that captivates the audience's attention.

Pacing: 7

The pacing of the scene enhances its effectiveness by creating a rhythmic flow that mirrors Turner's internal thoughts and emotional journey.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene aligns with the genre's expectations, utilizing visual cues and descriptive language to enhance the storytelling.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows a non-linear format, incorporating montage sequences and archival footage to convey Turner's internal journey effectively.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the urgency and tension of Turner's escape, using a combination of Turner’s point of view and archival footage to create a sense of historical context. However, the transition between the two can feel abrupt, which may disorient the audience. The archival footage is powerful but could benefit from clearer thematic connections to Turner's immediate experience.
  • The montage of archival images is ambitious and visually striking, but it risks overwhelming the viewer with information. The rapid succession of images may dilute the emotional impact of Turner's journey. Each image should serve a clear narrative purpose, enhancing the viewer's understanding of Turner’s internal struggle and the broader historical context.
  • The emotional tone shifts from urgency to a reflective montage, which can be jarring. While the intention is to juxtapose personal and collective histories, the transition could be smoother to maintain narrative cohesion. The audience may need more guidance on how these images relate to Turner’s current plight.
  • The use of archival footage is a strong choice, but it may overshadow the character-driven narrative. The focus should remain on Turner’s emotional journey, and the archival elements should complement rather than dominate the scene. Balancing character development with historical context is crucial for maintaining audience engagement.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of reflection or internal dialogue for Turner as he runs, allowing the audience to connect more deeply with his emotional state. This could help bridge the transition into the archival footage.
  • To enhance the impact of the montage, select fewer images that are more thematically cohesive. Each image should clearly relate to Turner's experience or the broader themes of the story, ensuring that the audience can follow the narrative thread.
  • Introduce a more gradual transition between the urgency of Turner's escape and the reflective montage. This could be achieved through a slow fade or a visual motif that links the two segments, helping the audience to process the shift in tone.
  • Ensure that the archival footage is interspersed with moments that highlight Turner's physical and emotional struggle. This will help maintain the focus on his character while still providing historical context.



Scene 60 - Moments of Love and Uncertainty
INT. ADULT ELWOOD’S APARTMENT - 2002 - NYC

POV through a camcorder of ADULT TURNER (52) sitting on a
couch with a remote, flipping channels looking for a game.
His wife Millie (OC) is looking through a new digital
camcorder, trying it out.


INT. ADULT ELWOOD'S APARTMENT - 2002 - NYC

POV through a camcorder of ADULT TURNER (52) sleeping in bed.
He awakens to find Millie filming him, she laughs.

Adult Turner takes the camcorder and pulls her close,
lovingly, as they look into the monitor at themselves.




(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED:

ADULT TURNER
(laughing)
What do you see?

MILLIE
(laughing)
Two beautiful beings.

ADULT TURNER
I love you, Millie.

MILLIE
(laughing)
Turner-

He aims the camera at both of them: heads together on the
pillow, and his wife Millie (late 40s) comes into view, they
are smiling together.


CC150 ARCHIVAL FOOTAGE CC150

That moment of stillness just before a massive mudslide. Then
the mudslide starts.


DD150 CREATED ARCHIVAL STILL DD150

The death notice for HARRIET JOHNSON (Hattie) in the
Frenchtown newspaper. No photo.

“Harriet Johnson (80) transitioned peacefully on December 25,
1998, surrounded by her family in Frenchtown, FL. A
participant, with her husband Montgomery Johnson, in the
Tallahassee Bus Boycotts of the 1960s. Beloved mother of
Evelyn Curtis and mother-in-law to Percy Curtis, pre-deceased
by her only grandchild Elwood Curtis. Memorial donations may
be made in Hattie’s name to the Children’s Defense Fund,
Washington DC.”


EE150 CREATED ARCHIVAL STILL EE150

Still of the young woman from the stairwell scene with
Horizon Movers, who resembles a younger Hattie, at the
precise moment Adult Elwood (Turner) sees her.


FF150 ARCHIVAL FOOTAGE FF150

A glass-bottom boat in a Florida lake.


GG150 ARCHIVAL FOOTAGE GG150

A young Black man and woman swimming underwater in the same
Florida lake, holding up a sign that says ”Paradise” and
smiling for the camera.


HH150 ARCHIVAL FOOTAGE HH150

A Black man in a swimsuit diving off a board into a Hampton
Hotel pool in Florida, his family posed on lounge chairs
watching and smiling.


II150 ARCHIVAL STILL II150

Still of a white hotel owner dumping bleach into a pool where
a Black family is swimming.


JJ150 ARCHIVAL STILLS JJ150

Rapid series of stills from the Dozier School for Boys
forensic report documenting unearthed items - belt bucket,
marbles, buttons, penny, watch, etc.


KK150 CREATED ARCHIVAL FOOTAGE KK150

Created archival footage of the Nickel White House freshly
painted and pristine.


LL150 CREATED ARCHIVAL FOOTAGE LL150

Time-lapse footage from the bottom of a freshly dug grave,
looking up toward the night sky passing overhead.


MM150 ARCHIVAL FOOTAGE MM150

Wide shot of Florida orange groves.


NN150 ARCHIVAL FOOTAGE NN150

Oranges moving on an industrial conveyor belt.



OO150 CREATED ARCHIVAL STILL OO150

Promo photo of Spencer with a young Black Nickel boy on his
shoulders, showcasing his fatherly benevolence.


PP150 ARCHIVAL STILL PP150

An illustrated postcard of a black boy being used as a bait
to lure an alligator toward a white hunter with a rifle.


QQ150 ARCHIVAL FOOTAGE OR STILLS QQ150

GPR images: actual bones and graves found in the ground at
the Dozier School for Boys.


RR150 CREATED STILLS RR150

Family photo of Elwood with Hattie, his mother Evelyn, his
father Percy.

CU Evelyn, CU Percy, CU Hattie, CU Elwood from the same
image.


SS150 ARCHIVAL FOOTAGE SS150

A helicopter searching a devastated landscape after a
mudslide.


TT150 ARCHIVAL FOOTAGE TT150

A person being rescued by another person during a natural
disaster.

Music begins fading out, a light breathing becomes AUDIBLE.


UU150 ARCHIVAL FOOTAGE UU150

NASA booster cameras of a space shuttle.


VV150 OMITTED VV150


WW150 ARCHIVAL FOOTAGE WW150

A grandmotherly woman, hugging her two children at either
side of her, smiling into camera.

GO TO BLACK.

MILLIE (V.O.)
Turner, what are you going to do?
Are you really going to go?


YY150 EXT. NICKEL GROUNDS - 1967 - DAY YY150

Turner POV looking up at a beautiful canopy of trees in the
morning sunlight. Elwood enters frame above him and peers
down and laughs. He walks around the top of what’s clearly an
open grave. He smiles and throws out his hand. Turner’s hand
comes up to meet his, and he clasps it tight to pull Turner
out.

GO TO BLACK.




Cue music:

Sidney Poitier, singing Lost John / Long Gone acapella.

As credits roll, transition to another song.
Genres: ["Drama","Family","Historical"]

Summary In a tender scene set in Adult Turner's NYC apartment, he films affectionate moments with his wife Millie using a camcorder. Their playful interactions reveal a deep bond, but Millie's voiceover raises an emotional question about Turner's potential departure, hinting at underlying tension. The scene blends personal joy with archival footage, culminating in a poignant moment that transitions to a graveyard, suggesting deeper narrative connections.
Strengths
  • Effective use of archival footage and stills
  • Emotional resonance and depth
  • Seamless transitions between past and present
Weaknesses
  • Minimal dialogue
  • Lack of external conflict

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively combines past and present elements to create a poignant and reflective atmosphere. The use of archival footage adds depth and emotion to the storytelling.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of reflecting on the past while living in the present is effectively portrayed through the use of archival footage and stills. The scene captures the essence of memory and nostalgia.

Plot: 7.5

While the plot is not heavily driven by action, it serves as a reflective moment that delves into the characters' past and present experiences. The focus is more on emotional resonance than plot progression.

Originality: 8

The scene offers a fresh approach to showcasing love and connection through the use of camcorders and intimate moments between characters.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are portrayed with depth and emotion, particularly in their interactions with each other and their reflections on the past. Their relationships and personal growth are central to the scene.

Character Changes: 7

While there are no significant character changes within the scene, the characters' reflections and interactions hint at personal growth and emotional development over time.

Internal Goal: 9

The protagonist's internal goal is to express his love and affection for his wife Millie, showcasing his emotional connection and vulnerability.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is not clearly defined in this scene, as the focus is more on the emotional connection between the characters.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 4

The scene is more focused on reflection and emotion than on external conflict. The conflict arises from internal struggles and past experiences.

Opposition: 5

The opposition in the scene is minimal, focusing more on the emotional connection between the characters.

High Stakes: 3

The stakes are not particularly high in this scene, as the focus is more on personal reflection and emotional resonance. The tension comes from internal struggles and past experiences.

Story Forward: 6

The scene does not heavily drive the plot forward but serves as a reflective moment that deepens the characters' relationships and emotional arcs. It adds depth to the overall narrative.

Unpredictability: 6

The scene is somewhat predictable in its focus on love and connection, but the emotional depth and authenticity keep the audience engaged.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

There is a subtle philosophical conflict between the characters' desire for love and connection in the face of life's uncertainties and challenges.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking feelings of love, loss, and hope. The use of music, visuals, and character interactions enhances the emotional resonance.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is minimal but impactful, conveying emotions and relationships effectively. It serves to enhance the overall tone and sentiment of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intimate and emotional portrayal of love and connection between the characters.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively conveys the emotional intensity and vulnerability of the characters, enhancing the overall impact.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected format for its genre, effectively conveying the emotional depth of the characters.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure and format, focusing on the emotional connection between the characters.


Critique
  • The scene effectively juxtaposes the personal moments between Adult Turner and Millie with the archival footage that reflects on the broader historical context of the story. This contrast serves to highlight the emotional weight of Turner's past while grounding it in the present, which is a powerful storytelling technique.
  • The use of the camcorder perspective is an interesting choice that adds a layer of intimacy and immediacy to the scene. It allows the audience to feel like they are part of the moment, enhancing the emotional connection between Turner and Millie.
  • However, the transition from the personal moments to the archival footage could be smoother. The abrupt shift from a tender moment to the heavy archival content may disrupt the emotional flow. A more gradual transition or a thematic link between the two could enhance coherence.
  • The archival footage is rich and evocative, but it may benefit from clearer thematic connections to the characters' experiences. For instance, while the footage of the mudslide and the death notice for Hattie are poignant, the audience might need more context to understand how these elements relate to Turner's current emotional state.
  • The final lines, particularly Millie's voiceover questioning Turner's intentions, create a sense of unresolved tension that is compelling. However, the scene could benefit from a more explicit emotional response from Turner to Millie's question, which would deepen the audience's understanding of his internal conflict.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of reflection from Turner after Millie's voiceover, allowing him to articulate his feelings about leaving or confronting his past. This could provide clarity and emotional depth.
  • To enhance the transition between the personal and archival footage, consider using a visual motif or sound cue that links the two segments. For example, a specific sound from the camcorder could fade into the sound of the archival footage, creating a more seamless flow.
  • Explore the possibility of including a brief dialogue or internal monologue from Turner that connects the archival footage to his memories or feelings about Hattie and Elwood. This could help the audience understand the significance of the images being presented.
  • Ensure that the archival footage is thematically tied to the characters' journeys. For instance, if the footage depicts moments of struggle or resilience, consider how these themes resonate with Turner's current life and choices.
  • Consider refining the pacing of the scene to allow the audience to absorb the emotional weight of both the personal and archival elements. This could involve adjusting the timing of cuts or the duration of certain shots to create a more impactful viewing experience.



Characters in the screenplay, and their arcs:

hattie

Hattie is a warm, nurturing, and resilient grandmother figure who embodies the spirit of family and tradition. She shares a deep bond with her grandson, Elwood, characterized by affection, playfulness, and a protective instinct. Hattie is depicted as both strong and vulnerable, having endured past traumas that shape her worldview. Her speaking style is gentle and comforting, often infused with humor and warmth, but also direct and no-nonsense when addressing serious matters. As a source of love and support, she values education and social awareness, reflecting her fierce sense of justice. Throughout the narrative, Hattie's emotional depth is revealed as she navigates her protective instincts and the grief associated with difficult situations involving Elwood, showcasing her compassion and determination to connect with him.



elwood

<ul><li>Elwood is a deeply introspective and resilient young Black boy who navigates the oppressive environment of Nickel Academy with a blend of curiosity, compassion, and determination. His character is marked by a strong emotional connection to his grandmother, Hattie, which grounds him amidst the chaos of his surroundings. Elwood's innocence and idealism are juxtaposed with the harsh realities he faces, leading him to grapple with moral dilemmas and the injustices of the world around him. He is observant and sensitive, often reflecting on his experiences and the complexities of adult life. As he transitions from a passive observer to an active participant in the civil rights movement, Elwood's character evolves, showcasing his growing awareness of societal issues and his desire for justice. His speaking style is earnest and thoughtful, often characterized by a soft-spoken yet passionate tone that reflects his inner turmoil and emotional depth.</li><li>Elwood speaks earnestly, with a sense of conviction and passion in his words. His dialogue is characterized by thoughtfulness and introspection, often conveying his curiosity and empathy.</li></ul>



blakeley

Blakeley is the House Father of Elwood's assigned dorm at Nickel Academy, embodying a complex blend of authority and unpredictability. He presents a mirthful demeanor that contrasts sharply with the strict and oppressive environment of the academy, setting a tone that oscillates between stern discipline and unexpected wisdom. His direct and authoritative speaking style is laced with sharp wit and a touch of vulnerability, revealing layers beneath his tough exterior. While he enforces discipline with an iron fist, his interactions with the boys, particularly Elwood, hint at a deeper understanding of their struggles, showcasing a character who is both a strict enforcer and a reluctant mentor. Blakeley's suspicious and calculating nature adds tension to his relationships, particularly with Spencer and Earl, suggesting that his humor may mask ulterior motives and a complex moral compass.



turner

<ul><li>Turner is a complex and multifaceted character, depicted as a calm, confident, and observant young man navigating the harsh realities of Nickel Academy. He embodies a survivalist mentality, marked by cynicism and pragmatism, yet he also reveals moments of vulnerability and empathy, particularly in his interactions with Elwood and Hattie. Turner carries the scars of his troubled past, which he often masks with humor and sarcasm, reflecting a deep-seated distrust of authority and the corrupt system around him. His protective instincts towards Elwood highlight his loyalty and sense of camaraderie, while his strategic thinking and resourcefulness enable him to navigate the power dynamics among the boys. Despite his guarded nature, Turner shows a willingness to take risks for his peers, revealing a strong sense of integrity and emotional depth. His speaking style is characterized by directness, sharp wit, and a blend of dark humor and emotional introspection, making him a compelling and relatable character.</li><li>Turner's dialogue is direct and assertive, often laced with sarcasm and dark humor. He communicates with a calm and measured tone, reflecting his pragmatic approach to survival while also revealing his emotional complexity.</li></ul>



adult elwood

Adult Elwood is a deeply introspective and nostalgic character, shaped by his experiences at Nickel Academy. He grapples with grief, loss, and the haunting memories of his past, which weigh heavily on him. His emotional depth is evident in his reflective and poignant speaking style, often conveying a sense of melancholy and resignation. Despite this, Elwood exhibits resilience and determination, striving for a better future while confronting the legacy of his traumatic past. He is guarded yet vulnerable, seeking solace in quiet moments of reflection and connection to his history. His dialogue is thoughtful and measured, revealing his inner turmoil and desire for redemption.



CharacterArcCritiqueSuggestions
hattie Hattie's character arc begins with her as a nurturing and playful grandmother, providing comfort and guidance to Elwood. As the story progresses, she faces challenges that test her resilience and protective nature, particularly when confronted with heartbreaking news that affects Elwood. This moment of vulnerability forces Hattie to confront her past traumas and the weight of her responsibilities as a caregiver. Ultimately, she evolves into a more emotionally open character, learning to balance her protective instincts with the need to allow Elwood to grow and face his own challenges. By the end of the feature, Hattie emerges as a stronger, more reflective figure who embraces her role in Elwood's life while also acknowledging her own grief and the importance of healing. Hattie's character arc is compelling, but it could benefit from more explicit moments of growth and change throughout the screenplay. While her protective nature is established early on, the transition from a nurturing figure to one who confronts her vulnerabilities could be more pronounced. Additionally, the emotional stakes could be heightened by incorporating more direct conflicts or challenges that force Hattie to make difficult choices, thereby deepening her character development. To improve Hattie's character arc, consider introducing a pivotal moment where she must choose between protecting Elwood and allowing him to face a challenge on his own. This could serve as a catalyst for her growth, prompting her to reflect on her own fears and the lessons she wants to impart to Elwood. Additionally, incorporating flashbacks or conversations that reveal more about Hattie's past traumas could enrich her character and provide context for her protective instincts. Finally, ensure that her emotional journey is mirrored in her interactions with Elwood, allowing their relationship to evolve in tandem with her character development.
elwood
  • Elwood begins as a curious and innocent young boy, captivated by the world around him and deeply connected to his grandmother, Hattie.
  • As he faces the harsh realities of Nickel Academy, Elwood's character evolves from a passive observer to an active participant in the fight against injustice. He grapples with fear, anxiety, and moral dilemmas, which shape his understanding of the complexities of the adult world.
  • Elwood reaches a turning point when he witnesses the brutal realities of the institution and decides to take a stand against the injustices he encounters, showcasing his resilience and determination.
  • By the end of the screenplay, Elwood emerges as a hopeful and principled young man, committed to seeking justice and change, embodying the spirit of resilience and courage.
While Elwood's character arc is compelling, it may benefit from a more gradual progression of his internal conflicts and moral dilemmas. The transition from innocence to awareness could be more nuanced, allowing for deeper exploration of his emotional struggles. Additionally, the introduction of supporting characters who challenge or influence Elwood's beliefs could enhance his development and provide opportunities for growth. To improve Elwood's character arc, consider incorporating key moments that highlight his internal conflicts and moral dilemmas more explicitly. Introduce supporting characters who serve as foils or mentors, challenging Elwood's perspectives and pushing him to confront his beliefs. Additionally, explore moments of vulnerability that allow the audience to connect more deeply with his emotional journey. This could include flashbacks to his life before Nickel Academy or interactions with peers that reveal his fears and aspirations.
blakeley Throughout the screenplay, Blakeley undergoes a significant transformation. Initially portrayed as a strict authority figure who maintains control through fear and discipline, he gradually reveals his vulnerabilities and the burdens of his role. As the story progresses, Blakeley begins to empathize with the boys, particularly Elwood, recognizing the impact of the oppressive environment on their lives. This shift leads him to question the very system he upholds, culminating in a moment of moral reckoning where he must choose between maintaining his authority or standing up for the boys' rights. By the end of the feature, Blakeley emerges as a more nuanced character, having embraced his role as a mentor rather than just an enforcer, ultimately seeking redemption for his past actions. While Blakeley's character arc is compelling, it risks falling into the trope of the 'redeemed authority figure' without sufficient depth. His transformation may feel rushed if not adequately supported by key moments that illustrate his internal conflict. Additionally, the balance between his strictness and vulnerability needs to be carefully managed to avoid making him seem inconsistent or unrealistic. The screenplay should ensure that his motivations are clear and relatable, allowing the audience to understand his journey from enforcer to mentor. To improve Blakeley's character arc, consider incorporating pivotal scenes that highlight his internal struggles and moral dilemmas. For instance, moments where he witnesses the consequences of his strict discipline on the boys could serve as catalysts for his change. Additionally, developing his backstory could provide context for his behavior, making his eventual transformation more impactful. Introducing a mentor or figure from his past who embodies the values he struggles with could also create a more dynamic conflict within him. Finally, ensure that his evolution is gradual, with small, believable steps that lead to his ultimate decision to stand up for the boys, reinforcing the theme of redemption.
turner
  • Turner is introduced as a confident and pragmatic figure at Nickel Academy, providing support to Elwood while navigating the oppressive environment with a sense of resignation.
  • As the story progresses, Turner grapples with his internal struggles and the harsh realities of their situation. His protective instincts towards Elwood deepen, leading him to confront his own vulnerabilities and the weight of his past.
  • In a pivotal moment, Turner must choose between his loyalty to Elwood and the survival instincts that have kept him safe. This conflict forces him to confront the corrupt system and his own disillusionment.
  • By the end of the feature, Turner emerges as a more introspective and resilient character, having found a sense of hope and purpose in his actions. He learns to balance his protective nature with the need for self-reliance, ultimately embracing the possibility of change.
Turner's character arc is compelling, showcasing his growth from a cynical survivor to a more hopeful and introspective individual. However, the arc could benefit from clearer stakes and more pronounced moments of transformation. While his protective instincts are well-established, the internal conflict between loyalty and self-preservation could be explored in greater depth to enhance emotional resonance. To improve Turner's character arc, consider incorporating specific moments that challenge his beliefs and force him to confront his fears. This could include a significant betrayal or a moment where he must choose between his safety and helping Elwood. Additionally, providing more backstory about his past could deepen the audience's understanding of his motivations and enhance his emotional journey. Finally, ensure that his growth is reflected in his interactions with other characters, showcasing how he evolves from a guarded survivor to a more open and hopeful individual.
adult elwood Throughout the screenplay, Adult Elwood embarks on a journey of self-discovery and healing. Initially, he is consumed by his past traumas and regrets, feeling trapped by the memories of Nickel Academy. As the story progresses, he confronts these memories, allowing himself to feel the pain and loss associated with them. This process leads him to seek answers and closure, ultimately transforming his grief into a source of strength. By the end of the feature, Elwood emerges as a more hopeful and resilient individual, ready to embrace the future and forge meaningful connections with others, breaking free from the shackles of his past. While Adult Elwood's character arc is compelling, it risks becoming overly reliant on nostalgia and introspection without sufficient external conflict or action to drive his development. The emotional depth is present, but the screenplay may benefit from more dynamic interactions with other characters that challenge his worldview and push him toward growth. Additionally, the resolution of his arc could feel rushed if not adequately built up through the narrative. To enhance Adult Elwood's character arc, consider introducing key relationships that serve as catalysts for his transformation. These could be characters who represent different aspects of his past or future, forcing him to confront his fears and regrets in a more active way. Incorporating external conflicts, such as a situation that threatens his newfound hope or a chance to confront figures from his past, could add tension and urgency to his journey. Furthermore, ensure that the resolution of his arc is gradual and earned, allowing the audience to witness his growth through a series of meaningful choices and actions rather than a sudden change.
Top Correlations and patterns found in the scenes:

Pattern Explanation
High Concept, High Dialogue ScoresScenes with a Concept score of 9 consistently receive high Dialogue scores (mostly 8 or 9). This suggests a strong connection between well-developed core ideas and engaging dialogue. Explore if this high dialogue score is due to the quality of the conversation or merely quantity.
Emotional Impact and Conflict CorrelationThere's a weak negative correlation between Emotional Impact and Conflict scores. Scenes with high emotional impact tend to have lower conflict scores, and vice versa. This might indicate that some emotionally charged scenes lack significant external conflict, relying more on internal conflict or character revelation. Consider if this is intentional or could be improved by adding more external conflict to heighten the emotional stakes.
Tone Clusters and Emotional ImpactSeveral tone clusters consistently score low in Emotional Impact: Nostalgic/Playful (Scenes 2, 3), Introspective/Observational (Scenes 6, 8), and Reflective/Nostalgic (Scenes 6, 48, 60). While these tones can be emotionally resonant, the low scores suggest these sections may lack intensity or a clear emotional arc. Examine if these scenes effectively build towards a larger emotional payoff or if they're simply descriptive rather than emotionally impactful.
Tense Scenes and High StakesScenes with 'Tense' as a dominant tone often achieve high 'High Stakes' and 'Move Story Forward' scores. This highlights the effectiveness of tension in propelling the narrative forward. However, ensure that the tension is not repetitive or unnecessarily prolonged; carefully evaluate the pacing and variation in the types of tension used.
Character Changes and Overall GradeWhile most scenes have high overall grades, the 'Character Changes' score frequently dips below 8, especially in scenes where the tone is introspective or nostalgic. This suggests that character development might be stronger in scenes with higher conflict or tension. Consider integrating character development more seamlessly into these reflective moments to increase their impact and overall grade.
Climax and Resolution ScoringScenes 26 and 58 have exceptionally high scores across the board (including Conflict, Emotional Impact, and High Stakes), suggesting these may represent a major climax and possibly resolution. Conversely, scenes 35 and 60 have unusually low scores, which suggests that they might function as moments of respite or transitional points. Analyze if the pacing and weight of these high and low scoring scenes support the overall narrative flow.
Concept ConsistencyThe Concept score remains consistently high (mostly 8 or 9) throughout the screenplay, indicating a strong and coherent central idea driving the narrative. This is a significant strength of your screenplay.


Writer's Craft Overall Analysis

The writer demonstrates a strong ability to create emotionally resonant scenes with vivid descriptions and authentic dialogue. Many analyses praise the writer's skill in establishing settings, characters, and themes effectively. However, there's a recurring need for improvement in scene structure, pacing, and the nuanced development of character interactions and motivations. The writer consistently creates compelling atmospheres and emotional depth but could benefit from refining the technical aspects of screenwriting and deepening character complexity.

Key Improvement Areas

Scene Structure and Pacing
Multiple scene analyses (1, 8, 15, 33, 39, 44, 54) suggest improvements to scene structure and pacing are needed. While the emotional content is strong, the scenes' overall effectiveness could be heightened with tighter structure and better pacing.
Dialogue and Character Interaction
Although dialogue is frequently lauded as authentic and realistic, several analyses (2, 3, 12, 21, 29, 31, 36, 45, 50, 60) suggest a need for more nuanced character interactions, deeper exploration of motivations, and more subtle ways of revealing character through dialogue instead of relying solely on exposition.
Subtext and Emotional Nuance
The scenes effectively evoke emotion, but many comments (12, 36, 45, 50) suggest a need to delve deeper into subtext and emotional nuance, revealing character and advancing the plot through implication rather than direct statements.
Historical Accuracy (for relevant scenes)
Scenes set in specific historical periods (5, 6, 25, 37) would benefit from additional research into accurate dialogue, settings, and cultural context to enhance authenticity and avoid anachronisms.

Suggestions

Type Suggestion Rationale
Book 'The Screenwriter's Bible' by David Trottier This book addresses scene structure, formatting, and overall screenplay construction, directly addressing several recurring improvement suggestions.
Book 'On Writing: A Memoir of the Craft' by Stephen King Offers valuable insights into character development and narrative construction, further enhancing the emotional depth already present in the scenes.
Book 'Screenplay: The Foundations of Screenwriting' by Syd Field Provides a foundational understanding of screenplay structure and pacing, crucial for improving the overall effectiveness of the scenes.
Screenplay Study screenplays by Wes Anderson, Barry Jenkins, Spike Lee, and Frank Darabont. These screenwriters are known for their distinct styles, strong character development, and effective use of dialogue and visual storytelling. Analyzing their work will provide valuable insights into various storytelling approaches.
Video Watch documentaries on the Civil Rights Movement and films set in the 1960s. This will enrich the historical accuracy and authenticity of the scenes set in those periods. Observing pacing and character dynamics in relevant films will also enhance the writer's skills.
Exercise Write a scene with only dialogue, focusing on conveying power dynamics, subtext, and conflict without exposition.Practice In SceneProv This exercise directly addresses the need for more nuanced character interactions and subtext, forcing the writer to reveal character and plot through implication rather than direct statements.
Exercise Rewrite a scene from a different character's perspective.Practice In SceneProv This exercise fosters empathy, allowing the writer to explore motivations and understand the nuances of different viewpoints, improving character depth and complexity.
Exercise Write a series of character monologues exploring internal conflicts and motivations.Practice In SceneProv This exercise allows for deeper exploration of character psychology and emotional depth, enhancing the writer's ability to convey inner turmoil and complexity without relying heavily on external action.
Stories Similar to this one

Story Explanation
The Nickel Boys by Colson Whitehead This novel is based on the true story of a reform school in Florida, similar to the Nickel Academy in the screenplay. It explores themes of racial injustice, childhood trauma, and the harsh realities faced by Black boys in a corrupt system, paralleling Elwood's experiences.
The Help This film addresses racial tensions and the struggles of Black individuals in the 1960s South. It shares a similar tone and explores themes of resilience, community, and the fight against systemic oppression, akin to Elwood's journey.
To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee This classic novel deals with themes of racial injustice and moral growth through the eyes of a young boy, similar to Elwood's perspective as he navigates a world filled with prejudice and inequality.
The Outsiders This novel and its film adaptation focus on the struggles of youth from different social backgrounds. The themes of friendship, loyalty, and the harsh realities of growing up resonate with Elwood's relationships and experiences at Nickel Academy.
A Raisin in the Sun This play explores the aspirations and struggles of a Black family in Chicago, addressing themes of dreams, identity, and systemic racism, paralleling Elwood's family dynamics and aspirations in the screenplay.
The Shawshank Redemption This film deals with themes of hope, friendship, and the fight against an oppressive system within a prison setting. The emotional journey of the characters and their resilience mirrors Elwood's experiences at Nickel Academy.
Just Mercy by Bryan Stevenson This memoir recounts the author's experiences as a lawyer fighting for justice for those wrongfully convicted, particularly Black individuals. The themes of systemic injustice and the fight for dignity resonate with Elwood's struggles.
The Color Purple by Alice Walker This novel and its film adaptation explore the lives of Black women in the early 20th century, addressing themes of oppression, resilience, and the importance of community, similar to the familial bonds depicted in Elwood's story.
When They See Us This miniseries tells the story of the Central Park Five, focusing on racial injustice and the impact of systemic racism on young Black men. The emotional weight and themes of innocence lost parallel Elwood's experiences at Nickel Academy.

Here are different Tropes found in the screenplay

Trope Trope Details Trope Explanation
Coming of AgeElwood's journey from childhood to adolescence is marked by his experiences at home and at Nickel Academy, reflecting his growth and understanding of the world.This trope involves a character's transition from youth to adulthood, often through significant life experiences. An example is 'Boyhood,' where the protagonist grows up over 12 years, facing various challenges that shape his identity.
Family DynamicsThe interactions between Elwood, his mother Evelyn, and grandmother Hattie showcase the complexities of family relationships and support.This trope explores the relationships within a family, often highlighting love, conflict, and support. An example is 'The Pursuit of Happyness,' where the father-son relationship drives the narrative.
Racial TensionThe screenplay addresses the racial dynamics of the 1960s, particularly through Elwood's experiences with authority figures and peers.This trope highlights the struggles and conflicts arising from racial discrimination and societal norms. An example is '12 Years a Slave,' which portrays the brutal realities of slavery and racism.
MentorshipMr. Hill serves as a mentor to Elwood, guiding him through his educational journey and instilling values of justice and hope.This trope involves a mentor guiding a younger character, often leading to personal growth. An example is 'Dead Poets Society,' where a teacher inspires his students to pursue their passions.
Institutional OppressionElwood's experiences at Nickel Academy illustrate the systemic injustices faced by Black boys in a reform school setting.This trope highlights the oppressive nature of institutions, often critiquing societal structures. An example is 'The Shawshank Redemption,' which explores the injustices within the prison system.
FriendshipThe bond between Elwood and Turner develops as they navigate the challenges of life at Nickel Academy together.This trope emphasizes the importance of friendship in overcoming adversity. An example is 'Stand by Me,' where a group of friends embarks on a journey that strengthens their bond.
The Power of HopeElwood's belief in justice and change is a recurring theme, especially in his interactions with Mr. Hill and Hattie.This trope emphasizes the importance of hope in overcoming challenges. An example is 'The Pursuit of Happyness,' where hope drives the protagonist to achieve his dreams despite hardships.
Symbolism of ObjectsObjects like the machete under Hattie's pillow and the copper penny carry significant emotional weight and symbolism throughout the story.This trope uses objects to symbolize deeper themes or character emotions. An example is 'The Great Gatsby,' where the green light symbolizes Gatsby's unattainable dreams.
FlashbacksThe screenplay employs flashbacks to provide context and depth to Elwood's character and his experiences.This trope uses flashbacks to reveal important backstory or character development. An example is 'Lost,' where characters' pasts are explored to enhance the narrative.
The Innocent ChildElwood's innocence is highlighted through his interactions with adults and his observations of the world around him.This trope features a child character whose innocence contrasts with the harsh realities of the adult world. An example is 'The Boy in the Striped Pajamas,' where a child's perspective reveals the horrors of war.


Theme Theme Details Themee Explanation
Systemic Racism and InjusticeThe screenplay vividly depicts the pervasive racism and brutality faced by Black boys in 1960s Florida, from casual indignities to systemic oppression within Nickel Academy. The brutal treatment at the reform school, police brutality, and the constant threat of violence are all manifestations of this.This theme explores the devastating consequences of systemic racism, showing how it shapes the lives and experiences of young Black people, impacting their opportunities, their safety, and their very sense of self.
Strengthening Systemic Racism and Injustice:
Suggestion Type How to Strengthen the Theme
Dialogue - Scene 5 Expand the conversation between Hattie and the other woman to explicitly discuss the systemic nature of the TV store owner's actions, connecting it to broader historical events like Selma and the ongoing struggle for civil rights. Instead of a general reference to Selma, weave in specific examples of the violence and injustice faced by Black protestors there, drawing a direct parallel to the silencing of Dr. King's message.
Story Arc - Scene 6-20, 25-34, 40-60 Weave subtle yet impactful visual reminders of systemic racism into Elwood's experience at Nickel Academy. Show subtle but constant visual cues of the racial disparity between the treatment and resources allocated to Black and white students (e.g., food quality, clothing, dormitory conditions, disciplinary measures). This visual storytelling, rather than explicit dialogue in every scene, will subtly underscore the pervasiveness of the issue without making it feel heavy-handed.
Character Arc - Scene 10, 22, 31, 41, 52 Develop Elwood's internal struggle with the injustice he faces. His outward resilience shouldn't overshadow the internal impact of the racism he encounters. Show moments where he processes the casual cruelty, the subtle indignities, and the blatant oppression through internal monologues or close-ups revealing his emotional response. These moments should build upon each other, showing his increasing awareness and understanding of systemic racism over time.
Visual - Scene 18, 20, 51 Incorporate archival footage and images throughout the film, strategically placed to highlight the historical context of systemic racism against Black people in the United States. These visuals should be interwoven seamlessly with Elwood's story, creating a powerful visual counterpoint to his personal narrative. Specifically focus on images depicting segregation, the Civil Rights Movement, and the ongoing struggle for racial equality.
Action - Scene 58-60 While maintaining the core narrative of Elwood's escape, subtly amplify the inherent risks and dangers associated with the escape for Black youth in the segregated South. Showcase the brutality faced by Black people, highlighting the omnipresent threat of violence from law enforcement and white citizens, which transcends the immediate danger from Nickel Academy itself. This expands the thematic scope to highlight how institutional racism fuels broader societal violence.
Friendship and ResilienceThe strong bond between Elwood and Turner, forged in the crucible of Nickel Academy, represents resilience and hope amidst the overwhelming adversity. Their friendship provides mutual support, solace, and a shared sense of purpose.This theme demonstrates the power of human connection to overcome hardship. Elwood and Turner's friendship showcases the ability to find strength and meaning in the face of oppression.
Coming-of-AgeElwood's journey from a young boy gazing at a lemon tree to a young man grappling with the complexities of racism and injustice represents a powerful coming-of-age narrative. His experiences at Nickel Academy profoundly shape his worldview and his understanding of the world.This theme explores the emotional and psychological development of a young man as he navigates the challenges of adolescence and the added weight of racial prejudice.
Family and CommunityThe love and support provided by Elwood's grandmother, Hattie, and the brief but meaningful interactions with his parents, highlight the importance of family in the face of hardship. The community aspect is shown through the interactions with other boys at Nickel Academy and the support network outside.This theme underscores the importance of familial bonds and community support in providing strength and hope during challenging times.



Screenwriting Resources on Themes

Articles

Site Description
Studio Binder Movie Themes: Examples of Common Themes for Screenwriters
Coverfly Improving your Screenplay's theme
John August Writing from Theme

YouTube Videos

Title Description
Story, Plot, Genre, Theme - Screenwriting Basics Screenwriting basics - beginner video
What is theme Discussion on ways to layer theme into a screenplay.
Thematic Mistakes You're Making in Your Script Common Theme mistakes and Philosophical Conflicts
Voice Analysis
Summary: The writer's voice is characterized by a deeply empathetic and richly detailed exploration of a young Black boy's coming-of-age story against the backdrop of the American Civil Rights Movement and the brutal realities of a reform school. It seamlessly blends visceral sensory descriptions with introspective character moments, creating a powerful and immersive experience. The dialogue is authentic and nuanced, capturing the specificities of time, place, and character relationships, ranging from the warmth of family life to the stark cruelty of systemic racism.
Voice Contribution The writer's voice contributes to the script by creating a profound sense of empathy for the characters and a deep understanding of the historical context. The detailed sensory descriptions immerse the reader in the world of the story, while the introspective moments reveal the inner lives of the characters, enhancing the emotional depth and thematic resonance. The blend of visceral and introspective elements creates a powerful and nuanced portrayal of race, family, justice, and resilience.
Best Representation Scene 16 - Shadows of Grief
Best Scene Explanation This scene is the best representation because it masterfully combines several key elements of the writer's voice. The visual imagery (Elwood's shadow, the lopsided cake) is strikingly evocative, the internal struggles of both Elwood and Hattie are powerfully conveyed, and the historical context (Dr. King's speech) is seamlessly woven into the emotional fabric of the scene. The juxtaposition of Elwood's external isolation and Hattie's internal grief powerfully communicates the weight of historical trauma and the difficulty of connection in the face of injustice. It perfectly encapsulates the screenplay's blend of sensory detail, emotional depth, and historical awareness.
Originality
  • Overall originality score: 9
  • Overall originality explanation: The screenplay demonstrates a high level of originality through its nuanced exploration of complex themes such as racial dynamics, family relationships, and the impact of historical injustices. Each scene is rich with authentic dialogue, unique character interactions, and vivid sensory descriptions that bring the setting and time period to life. The use of archival footage and the blending of past and present perspectives further enhance its originality, providing a fresh lens through which to view the characters' struggles and triumphs.
  • Most unique situations: The most unique situations in the screenplay are the depiction of the oppressive environment at Nickel Academy, the use of a shark tooth as a tool for vandalism, the surreal rotation choreography in the dormitory, and the poignant moments of introspection experienced by the characters amidst their harsh realities. Additionally, the integration of archival footage and the exploration of personal and collective trauma add layers of depth that are rarely seen in similar narratives.
  • Overall unpredictability score: 8
  • Overall unpredictability explanation: The screenplay maintains a strong sense of unpredictability through its intricate character arcs and the unfolding of historical events that impact the characters' lives. The tension between the characters' desires for freedom and the oppressive forces they face creates a dynamic narrative that keeps the audience engaged. The unexpected twists, such as the revelation of the lawyer's disappearance and the violent confrontations at Nickel Academy, contribute to a sense of uncertainty about the characters' fates, making the story compelling and unpredictable.
Goals and Philosophical Conflict
internal GoalsElwood's internal goals evolve from seeking belonging and understanding within his family, navigating the complexities of identity and racial dynamics, to ultimately embracing activism and a fight for justice. Throughout the screenplay, he grapples with feelings of isolation, resilience in the face of oppression, and a deep desire for equity and freedom.
External Goals Elwood's external goals shift from simply surviving the oppressive environment of Nickel Academy to actively seeking education, fighting for civil rights, and eventually escaping the institution. His objectives are influenced by his personal experiences and the broader societal context.
Philosophical Conflict The overarching philosophical conflict centers on justice vs. oppression, as Elwood navigates the systemic injustices of the Jim Crow era while striving for equality and dignity. His journey is marked by the constant tension between these opposing forces, driving his internal and external goals.


Character Development Contribution: Elwood's character development is deeply intertwined with his internal and external goals, as each decision and realization helps him grow from a confused, inexperienced boy into a determined young man actively challenging the structures of injustice.

Narrative Structure Contribution: The progression of Elwood's goals lends a strong narrative arc that tracks his evolution amidst the oppressive backdrop of Nickel Academy, creating a compelling journey that maintains tension and engagement throughout the screenplay.

Thematic Depth Contribution: The interplay of Elwood's goals and the overarching philosophical conflicts enriches the thematic layers of the screenplay, illuminating profound issues such as systemic racism, personal integrity, and the quest for identity and freedom within an oppressive society.


Screenwriting Resources on Goals and Philosophical Conflict

Articles

Site Description
Creative Screenwriting How Important Is A Character’s Goal?
Studio Binder What is Conflict in a Story? A Quick Reminder of the Purpose of Conflict

YouTube Videos

Title Description
How I Build a Story's Philosophical Conflict How do you build philosophical conflict into your story? Where do you start? And how do you develop it into your characters and their external actions. Today I’m going to break this all down and make it fully clear in this episode.
Endings: The Good, the Bad, and the Insanely Great By Michael Arndt: I put this lecture together in 2006, when I started work at Pixar on Toy Story 3. It looks at how to write an "insanely great" ending, using Star Wars, The Graduate, and Little Miss Sunshine as examples. 90 minutes
Tips for Writing Effective Character Goals By Jessica Brody (Save the Cat!): Writing character goals is one of the most important jobs of any novelist. But are your character's goals...mushy?
World Building
  • Physical environment: The screenplay's physical environment spans diverse locations across Florida (Frenchtown, Tallahassee, rural areas) and New York City. Settings range from a chaotic, tropical backyard and cozy homes to a bustling hotel kitchen, a dark and intimate bedroom, segregated city streets and buses, a high school classroom, a tobacco shop, a derelict elementary school, and the harsh, oppressive environment of Nickel Academy, a boys' reform school. The academy itself is described in detail, encompassing dormitories, a dining hall, classrooms, a gymnasium, showers, a citrus grove, a beating room, and an infirmary. Later scenes depict a tenement apartment in NYC in the 1970s and a modern apartment in 2018.
  • Culture: The screenplay's cultural landscape is heavily influenced by the American South in the 1960s, specifically the Jim Crow era and the Civil Rights Movement. Racial segregation and discrimination are central themes, evident in interactions between Black and white characters, the physical separation of spaces, and subtle and overt acts of racism. Gospel music, Southern hospitality (albeit sometimes strained), and the prevalence of manual labor are also significant cultural markers. The impact of the Civil Rights Movement, with figures like Martin Luther King Jr. prominent, is depicted, contrasting with pop culture elements like Marvel comics and popular movies.
  • Society: Societal structures are deeply rooted in racial inequality and segregation. Nickel Academy serves as a microcosm of this larger societal issue, with a rigid hierarchy based on race and behavior, enforced through violence and control by white authority figures. The broader societal context includes the struggles of the Civil Rights Movement, poverty, the criminal justice system, and the unequal opportunities faced by Black communities. Beyond Nickel Academy, the screenplay showcases a range of social classes and interactions, from working-class families to wealthy spectators at boxing matches.
  • Technology: Technological advancements are subtly integrated, reflecting the transition from the 1950s and 60s to the late 20th and early 21st centuries. The appearance of increasingly prevalent television sets in the 1960s marks a technological shift. Simple technologies like radios and landlines are present throughout the 1960s setting, contrasting sharply with the advanced ground-penetrating radar technology utilized by the adult Elwood in 2018. The use of a Crown Graphic camera by a State Government photographer emphasizes surveillance.
  • Characters influence: The world's harsh realities directly shape the characters' experiences and actions. Elwood's journey from a carefree childhood to the brutality of Nickel Academy profoundly impacts his development. The pervasive racism and injustice force characters to make difficult choices, shaping their relationships and their responses to oppression. The characters' actions—whether acts of defiance, resilience, or despair—are directly linked to the societal and cultural constraints placed upon them.
  • Narrative contribution: The world-building elements are integral to the narrative's structure and progression. The stark contrast between the idyllic settings of Elwood's early life and the harsh reality of Nickel Academy drives the plot forward. The historical context of the Civil Rights Movement provides a backdrop against which individual stories unfold, creating a powerful narrative arc. The geographical locations and time periods serve as markers for significant changes in Elwood's life and the broader sociopolitical landscape.
  • Thematic depth contribution: The detailed world-building significantly contributes to the screenplay's thematic depth. The juxtaposition of seemingly peaceful scenes with acts of violence and oppression underscores the pervasive nature of racism and injustice. The characters' struggles and resilience against these systemic forces explore themes of survival, hope, and the enduring impact of trauma. The historical context adds layers of meaning, forcing viewers to confront the lasting legacies of segregation and inequality. The use of archival footage provides a powerful emotional contrast between past and present, weaving a tapestry of memory and reflection.
Story Engine Analysis

central conflict

The struggle against systemic racism and the oppressive environment of Nickel Academy, juxtaposed with the personal growth and aspirations of Elwood and his friends.

primary motivations

  • Elwood's desire for education and a better future.
  • Hattie's determination to protect and support her grandson.
  • Turner's quest for freedom and survival.

catalysts

  • Elwood's introduction to Mr. Hill, who inspires him to pursue education.
  • The arrival of the community service van, which symbolizes both opportunity and oppression.
  • The escalating violence and threats from authority figures at Nickel Academy.

barriers

  • Institutional racism and the brutal environment of Nickel Academy.
  • The loss of trust in adults and authority figures.
  • Societal expectations and prejudices that limit the boys' opportunities.

themes

  • The impact of systemic racism on individual lives.
  • The importance of hope and resilience in the face of adversity.
  • The bond of friendship and solidarity among marginalized individuals.

stakes

The lives and futures of Elwood and his friends, as well as the broader implications for the Black community in the context of civil rights.

uniqueness factor

The narrative intertwines personal stories with historical events, providing a poignant exploration of the intersection between individual experiences and systemic injustice.

audience hook

The emotional journey of Elwood as he navigates the challenges of adolescence, identity, and the fight for justice, resonating with viewers' empathy and desire for change.

paradoxical engine or bisociation

The juxtaposition of Elwood's innocent aspirations against the harsh realities of Nickel Academy creates a tension that drives the narrative forward, highlighting the contrast between hope and despair.

paradoxical engine or bisociation 2

The interplay between the boys' youthful dreams and the oppressive structures surrounding them serves as a bisociative element, revealing the complexities of their struggle for identity and agency.


Engine: Gemini

Screenplay Rating:

Highly Recommend

Executive Summary

This screenplay is a powerful and moving depiction of systemic racism and abuse in a Florida reform school. The script expertly weaves together Elwood's coming-of-age story with the horrifying realities of the Nickel Academy, using innovative visual storytelling and evocative imagery to create a deeply affecting experience. While a few minor improvements could enhance certain aspects, the screenplay's overall narrative strength, character development, and thematic resonance make it a highly compelling and marketable project.

Strengths
Areas of Improvement
  • The introduction of the white boys in the police car feels somewhat abrupt and lacks sufficient depth. Their dialogue and actions could be made more meaningful to further the thematic explorations or character dynamics. medium ( Scene 5 (41)   )
  • Some scenes, particularly within the Nickel Academy sequences, could benefit from more varied pacing. The screenplay occasionally relies on lengthy descriptions and observational shots, which might slow the rhythm in certain segments. medium
MissingElements
  • While Elwood's story is central, a more in-depth exploration of Hattie's life beyond her role as his grandmother could add another layer of emotional complexity and historical context to the narrative. medium
  • The screenplay could benefit from the inclusion of a subplot focusing on the external forces contributing to the systemic injustice at Nickel Academy. Adding scenes about the local community's response to the reform school, or the workings of the legal system, might strengthen the overall impact of the narrative. medium
NotablePoints
  • The use of voiceover by Hattie during the White House beating scene, interspersing her grief with the brutality of the event, is a powerful and emotionally resonant device. high ( Scene 6 (67)   )
  • The montage at the end is a masterclass in visual storytelling, powerfully conveying Turner’s journey and the larger themes of the film through a stream of images, sound, and music. It successfully integrates archival footage and original material, creating a profound and unforgettable effect. high ( Scene 8 (150)   )
Blind Spots
  • Underdeveloped antagonists While the systemic racism and abuse are clearly depicted, the individual motivations and backstories of the main antagonists (Spencer, Hardee, etc.) could be further explored to add another layer of depth and complexity. Their actions sometimes feel one-dimensional, lacking in nuanced psychological portrayal. For example, understanding Spencer's personal history or ideological justifications for his cruelty could enhance the impact of his character. medium

Engine: Claude

Screenplay Rating:

Recommend

Executive Summary

The screenplay for "Nickel Boys" is a powerful and evocative exploration of the experiences of Elwood Curtis, a young Black man who is unjustly incarcerated at the Nickel Academy, a fictional reform school based on the real-life Dozier School for Boys in Florida. Through Elwood's journey, the screenplay delves into themes of systemic racism, institutional cruelty, and the resilience of the human spirit in the face of adversity. The narrative is compelling, the characters are well-developed, and the use of archival footage and imagery effectively enhances the storytelling, creating a visceral and immersive experience for the audience.

Strengths
  • The opening scenes effectively establish the setting, characters, and themes, providing a strong foundation for the narrative. The use of Elwood's POV and the contrast between the family's social gathering and Elwood's observant gaze create an intimate and immersive introduction to the story. high ( Scene 1 (2A)   Scene 2 (4)   )
  • The scenes depicting Elwood's punishment in the "White House" are harrowing and visceral, effectively conveying the brutality and inhumanity of the Nickel Academy's system. The use of sound and visual elements, such as the industrial fan and the concrete blocks stamped with "NICKEL", create a powerful and unsettling atmosphere. high ( Scene 26 (65)   Scene 26 (66)   )
  • The boxing match sequence is a remarkable set piece that masterfully blends the physical action with the underlying themes of racism, greed, and the exploitation of the students. The use of different POVs and the dynamic camerawork effectively capture the intensity and emotional resonance of the event. high ( Scene 41 (100)   )
  • The screenplay's incorporation of archival footage and imagery, such as the GPR scans of unmarked graves and the historical photographs of the Dozier School, lends an authentic and powerful layer to the storytelling, grounding the fictional narrative in real-world tragedies. high
  • The character development of Elwood and Turner is compelling, with their evolving friendship and diverging perspectives on navigating the oppressive system of the Nickel Academy serving as the emotional core of the story. high
Areas of Improvement
  • The classroom scene featuring Mr. Hill and the crude drawings on the textbook could be further developed to more explicitly address the themes of racism and the dehumanization of the students at Nickel Academy. medium ( Scene 17 (59)   )
  • While the portrayal of the Nickel Academy's staff and administrators is effective, some of the dialogue could be further refined to avoid feeling overly expository or on-the-nose at times. medium
  • The screenplay could benefit from a more nuanced exploration of the perspectives and experiences of the other students at the Nickel Academy, beyond Elwood and Turner, to provide a more comprehensive understanding of the broader impact of the institution. medium
MissingElements
  • The screenplay could potentially explore the broader sociopolitical context of the Civil Rights Movement and how it intersects with the experiences of the characters, providing additional context and significance to the story. medium
  • While the adult Elwood's storyline in the later sections of the screenplay effectively ties together the narrative, there could be an opportunity to further develop this thread and explore the long-term consequences and impact of his experiences at the Nickel Academy. medium
NotablePoints
  • The scenes featuring Mr. Hill and his role as a teacher and mentor to the students at Nickel Academy are particularly compelling, providing a glimmer of hope and resistance against the oppressive system. high ( Scene 9 (17)   Scene 23 (76)   )
  • The scenes at the Hardee House, where Elwood and Turner are tasked with community service work, effectively juxtapose the relative comfort and privilege of the white elite with the harsh realities faced by the students at Nickel Academy. high ( Scene 38 (92A)   Scene 38 (93)   )
  • The surreal and unsettling sequence in the dormitory, where Turner witnesses the disturbing rotation of boys and men in the beds, is a powerful and haunting representation of the institutionalized trauma at the heart of the Nickel Academy. high ( Scene 49 (121)   )
  • The montage sequence in the 150th scene, with its juxtaposition of archival footage and imagery, effectively conveys the broader societal and historical context of the story, as well as the lasting impact of the experiences at the Nickel Academy. high ( Scene 60 (150)   )
  • The screenplay's exploration of the themes of systemic racism, institutional cruelty, and the resilience of the human spirit is a timely and powerful narrative that would resonate with contemporary audiences. high
Blind Spots
  • Representation of Female Characters While the screenplay effectively centers the experiences of the male characters, particularly Elwood and Turner, there is an opportunity to further develop and expand the roles of the female characters, such as Hattie, Evelyn, and Denise. Their perspectives and narratives could provide additional layers of depth and complexity to the overall story. medium
Amateur Giveaways
  • Overexposition In a few instances, the dialogue between characters can feel overly expository, with some lines directly explaining or spelling out the themes and conflicts rather than allowing them to emerge organically through the narrative. This could be addressed through further refinement and a more subtle approach to conveying the story's thematic elements. low

Engine: GPT4

Screenplay Rating:

Highly Recommend

Executive Summary

The screenplay for 'Nickel Boys' presents a powerful narrative that intertwines personal and historical themes of racial injustice and resilience. The character arcs are compelling, particularly Elwood's journey from innocence to a harsh reality, and the screenplay effectively captures the emotional weight of its subject matter. The pacing is generally strong, though some scenes could benefit from tighter editing. Overall, it is a poignant and thought-provoking piece that resonates deeply with contemporary issues.

Strengths
Areas of Improvement
MissingElements
NotablePoints
Blind Spots
  • Character Development While the main characters are well-developed, some supporting characters lack depth and motivation, making them feel one-dimensional. For example, the motivations of the staff at Nickel Academy could be explored further to provide a more nuanced portrayal. medium
Amateur Giveaways
  • Pacing Issues Certain scenes feel overly drawn out or rushed, which can disrupt the overall flow of the narrative. For instance, some exposition-heavy scenes could be tightened to maintain engagement. medium
Memorable lines in the script:

Scene Number Line
27NURSE SCARLETT: For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature... shall be able to separate us from the love of God...
39BLAKELEY: You may have grand designs and great dreams for yourself, but if God has decided that your lot is sweeping streets, work that broom like Michelangelo painted ceilings, attack that gutter the way Beethoven attacked his Ninth Symphony.
16Hattie: Act above your station and you will pay. Act above your station and you will pay.
22TURNER: You eat that oatmeal like your mama made it.
40Turner: Ain’t that some shit?