Hot Fuzz

Executive Summary

Poster
Overview

Genres: Comedy, Crime, Mystery, Action, Drama, Thriller, Police Procedural, Romance

Setting: Contemporary, Sandford, a quaint village in the UK

Overview: In 'Hot Fuzz', Police Constable Nicholas Angel, a highly skilled officer from London, is transferred to the seemingly idyllic village of Sandford, Gloucestershire, where he faces a stark contrast between his rigorous policing methods and the laid-back attitudes of the locals. Initially resistant to the change, Angel grapples with the village's quirky dynamics and the complacency of his new colleagues. As he investigates a series of suspicious incidents, he uncovers a sinister conspiracy orchestrated by the Neighborhood Watch Alliance, which seeks to maintain the village's facade of tranquility at any cost. The story builds to a chaotic climax where Angel confronts the dark truths hidden beneath Sandford's surface, ultimately leading to a showdown that tests his commitment to justice and his ability to adapt to his new environment.

Themes: The Clash of Cultures, The Illusion of Tranquility, The Importance of Community, The Nature of Conformity and Rebellion, The Power of Individuality

Conflict and Stakes: Angel's struggle to maintain his integrity and uphold the law in a village where crime is hidden behind a facade of idyllic life, with the stakes being his career and the safety of the community.

Overall Mood: A mix of comedic absurdity and dark humor, with moments of tension and action.

Mood/Tone at Key Scenes:

  • Scene 1: The tone is one of admiration and respect as Angel's impressive background is showcased.
  • Scene 2: Light-hearted and humorous, contrasting Angel's reluctance with the joviality of his colleagues.
  • Scene 20: Tense and foreboding as Angel confronts the cloaked figures, revealing the dark secrets of the village.

Standout Features:

  • Unique Hook: The juxtaposition of a highly skilled metropolitan police officer being forced to adapt to the absurdities of rural policing.
  • Plot Twist: The revelation that the seemingly idyllic village is hiding a series of murders orchestrated by its residents.
  • Distinctive Setting: The quaint yet sinister village of Sandford, which serves as a character in its own right.
  • Innovative Ideas: The blend of action, comedy, and mystery, creating a unique tone that keeps audiences engaged.
  • Unique Characters: A cast of eccentric villagers that add humor and depth to the story.

Comparable Scripts:

  • Hot Fuzz
  • Shaun of the Dead
  • The Office (UK)
  • Parks and Recreation
  • The Nice Guys
  • Midsomer Murders
  • The Heat
  • Brooklyn Nine-Nine
  • Fargo

Writing Style:

The screenplay exhibits a strong blend of humor, action, and character-driven storytelling, often incorporating elements of suspense, mystery, and social commentary. It features witty dialogue, unique character dynamics, and a fast-paced narrative, creating a unique and engaging cinematic experience.

Style Similarities:

  • Edgar Wright
  • Simon Pegg
Other Similarities
Pass/Consider/Recommend

Recommend


Explanation: The screenplay for 'Hot Fuzz' is a well-crafted, genre-blending story that balances comedic elements with an engaging mystery and action-packed sequences. The narrative follows the journey of a talented but overzealous London police officer, Nicholas Angel, who is transferred to the seemingly idyllic village of Sandford. As he uncovers a dark conspiracy within the town's tightly-knit community, the screenplay skillfully navigates between laugh-out-loud humor and intense, suspenseful moments. The strong character arcs, particularly the evolving relationship between Angel and his new partner Danny Butterman, provide emotional depth and drive the story forward. Overall, the screenplay showcases a unique blend of genre tropes, memorable characters, and a compelling central mystery that would appeal to a wide audience.


USP: What sets 'Hot Fuzz' apart is its sharp satirical edge that critiques the idyllic portrayal of rural life while simultaneously delivering a thrilling action-comedy narrative. The film's unique blend of humor, action, and social commentary resonates with audiences, making it compelling as both a piece of entertainment and a critique of societal norms. Its clever use of genre conventions and character development ensures it stands out in the buddy cop genre.
Market Analysis

Budget Estimate:$20-30 million

Target Audience Demographics: Adults aged 18-45, fans of action-comedy, mystery, and British humor.

Marketability: The screenplay combines action, comedy, and mystery, appealing to a broad audience and capitalizing on the popularity of British humor.

The unique blend of genres and the quirky characters create a distinctive voice that can attract niche audiences.

The film's themes of community and the absurdity of rural life resonate with viewers, though it may not appeal to everyone.

Profit Potential: Moderate to high, due to its potential for strong box office performance, especially in international markets, and opportunities for merchandising and sequels.

Analysis Criteria Percentiles
Writer's Voice

Summary:The writer's voice is a unique blend of sharp wit, dry humor, and a subtle yet potent blend of seriousness and lightheartedness. They use witty dialogue and quirky characters to create a charmingly absurd world, but the screenplay never shies away from exploring darker themes and conflicts. The writer expertly balances moments of comedic relief with instances of tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged while simultaneously offering a nuanced commentary on societal dynamics and the complexities of human nature.

Best representation: Scene 9 - A Humorous Introduction. This scene encapsulates the writer's unique voice through its blend of witty dialogue, quirky characters, and a contrast between serious and lighthearted themes. The scene establishes the tone of the screenplay, showcasing the dynamic between Angel's serious demeanor and the light-heartedness of his colleagues. The dialogue is sharp and memorable, with lines like 'You guys have low expectations' perfectly capturing Angel's frustration with the village's laid-back attitude.

Memorable Lines:

Characters

Police Constable Nicholas Angel:A highly competent and dedicated police officer who struggles to adapt to the rural policing culture of Sandford.

Danny Butterman:Angel's enthusiastic and somewhat naive partner, who idolizes action movies and provides comic relief.

Simon Skinner:The charming yet sinister local shopkeeper with a hidden agenda, involved in the village's dark secrets.

Frank Butterman:The laid-back police chief of Sandford, who prefers to maintain the status quo and is Danny's father.

Joyce Cooper:A quirky local resident who provides comic moments and interacts humorously with Angel.

Story Shape
Summary **Screenplay Summary: "Hot Fuzz"** "Hot Fuzz" follows Police Constable Nicholas Angel, a highly skilled and decorated officer in London, who finds himself reluctantly transferred to the quaint village of Sandford, Gloucestershire. Despite his preference for the bustling urban environment, Angel navigates his new role amid the village's quirky and peculiar dynamics, struggling to fit in with his laid-back colleagues. The story juxtaposes Angel’s serious dedication to law enforcement with the absurdity of small-town life, filled with offbeat characters and comedic instances. As Angel settles in, he faces resistance from the local pub owners when he attempts to enforce laws regarding underage drinking. His persistence leads to a series of humorous yet chaotic events, including dealing with shoplifters and navigating a peculiar community rife with oddball incidents, such as the mystery of a missing swan. Throughout these escapades, Angel finds camaraderie with his new partner, Danny Butterman, who is eager yet inexperienced in the serious side of policing. However, the humor is overshadowed by a series of mysterious deaths and accidents, which Angel suspects are connected. His concerns are dismissed by his colleagues, creating a growing tension as the stakes rise. Angel's investigation unveils a dark secret about the village: a deadly pattern of murders linked to the local community's desire to maintain its idyllic facade at all costs. Despite facing ridicule and opposition, Angel remains determined to unveil the truth behind these incidents. As the plot thickens, he confronts sinister forces at work, including the charismatic yet dangerous Simon Skinner, who harbors a familial link to the victims. The climax unfolds in a series of action-packed confrontations, ranging from shootouts to dark rituals, culminating in an adrenaline-fueled chase that exposes the village's deeply rooted corruption and deception. Ultimately, Angel's resilience and commitment to justice prevail, and he emerges as a hero who refuses to conform to the complacency of his surroundings. The film concludes a year later with Angel and Danny’s reinstated partnership as they brace themselves for new adventures ahead, firmly establishing the bond they've forged through shared trials and the inherent absurdity of their roles in policing the idyllic yet dangerously secretive village of Sandford. "Hot Fuzz" explores themes of duty, community, and the clash between urban rigor and rural quirkiness, all wrapped in a comedic yet thrilling narrative that quintessentially delivers action, humor, and unexpected revelations.


Screenplay Story Analysis

Story Critique The screenplay presents an intriguing premise with a unique blend of dark comedy and suspense, building a world where a seemingly idyllic village conceals a sinister underbelly. The characters are well-developed, each with distinct personalities and motivations that contribute to the overall conflict. The screenplay excels at building tension and suspense, particularly in the scenes where Angel investigates the deaths and uncovers the village's secrets. However, the pacing can feel uneven at times, with some scenes dragging while others feel rushed. Furthermore, the screenplay's reliance on predictable plot devices, such as the 'fish out of water' trope, hinders its originality. The resolution, while satisfying in some aspects, could be more impactful. The screenplay also lacks a compelling emotional core, leaving the audience to connect with the characters primarily through their actions rather than their emotional journeys.
Suggestions: To enhance the screenplay's overall impact, consider streamlining the pacing and ensuring a more consistent rhythm throughout. This could involve trimming unnecessary scenes, expanding upon pivotal moments, and adding more dynamic transitions between scenes. Additionally, exploring the characters' emotional complexities in greater depth could create a more compelling and relatable narrative. Introducing internal conflicts and motivations would allow the audience to connect with the characters on a deeper level, enhancing the emotional weight of the story. The screenplay could also benefit from exploring the ethical dilemmas faced by the characters, particularly Angel, as he navigates the moral complexities of the village's secrets. This could introduce a more thought-provoking element to the narrative, fostering deeper engagement with the themes of justice, community, and personal sacrifice.

Note: This is the overall critique. For scene by scene critique click here
Beginning The beginning of the screenplay establishes the protagonist, Nicholas Angel, as a dedicated and principled police officer who struggles to adapt to a new environment. The contrast between his serious nature and the village's laid-back atmosphere sets up an intriguing dynamic for humor and conflict. The screenplay effectively introduces the village of Sandford and its unique quirks, hinting at a hidden darkness beneath the surface. However, the introduction of the 'fish out of water' trope can feel predictable and somewhat clichéd. The initial scenes are also lacking in emotional depth, relying primarily on dialogue and exposition to establish the characters and plot. Furthermore, the pacing feels uneven at times, with some scenes dragging on while others feel rushed.
Suggestions: To enhance the beginning of the screenplay, consider introducing the village's dark secrets more subtly, gradually revealing them through hints and foreshadowing rather than relying on direct exposition. This could create a more compelling sense of mystery and intrigue. Additionally, exploring Angel's internal struggles and vulnerabilities could add emotional depth to his character. The screenplay could benefit from a scene where he reflects on his past experiences or grapples with his doubts about his new assignment. This could showcase his personal motivations and make his transformation more relatable. Finally, consider streamlining the pacing and ensure a more consistent rhythm throughout the introduction.
Middle The middle section of the screenplay effectively builds tension and suspense as Angel investigates the series of deaths in Sandford. The screenplay skillfully interweaves humor and suspense, creating a unique blend of genres. The introduction of the village's secret society, the NWA, adds a layer of complexity to the plot, showcasing a more sinister and manipulative side to the community. However, the screenplay relies heavily on predictable plot devices, such as the 'clueless but loyal sidekick' trope, which can feel formulaic at times. Furthermore, the pacing feels uneven at times, with some scenes dragging while others feel rushed. The screenplay could benefit from exploring the emotional complexities of the characters in greater depth, allowing the audience to connect with them on a more personal level.
Suggestions: To enhance the middle section of the screenplay, consider expanding upon the characters' motivations and backstories. This could involve adding scenes that reveal their internal struggles, personal relationships, or hidden desires. Additionally, consider introducing more ethical dilemmas faced by the characters, particularly Angel, as he navigates the moral complexities of the village's secrets. This could introduce a more thought-provoking element to the narrative, fostering deeper engagement with the themes of justice, community, and personal sacrifice. Finally, consider introducing more twists and turns in the plot to keep the audience guessing and engaged. This could involve adding red herrings, introducing new suspects, or creating unexpected obstacles for the characters to overcome.
Ending The ending of the screenplay delivers a satisfying resolution, culminating in a climactic showdown that brings the story to a satisfying conclusion. The screenplay effectively resolves the main conflict, showcasing the consequences of the village's secrets and the triumph of justice. However, the resolution could be more impactful and emotionally resonant. The screenplay also relies heavily on physical action and comedic relief, which can detract from the emotional impact of the ending. Furthermore, the ending feels somewhat rushed, leaving some loose threads and unanswered questions.
Suggestions: To enhance the ending of the screenplay, consider exploring the emotional consequences of the events for the characters. This could involve scenes where they reflect on their experiences, grapple with loss, or confront their personal demons. Additionally, consider adding a scene where Angel contemplates his future and the lessons he has learned from his time in Sandford. This could provide a more satisfying conclusion to his character arc. Finally, consider adding a final scene or epilogue that provides closure for the audience, tying up loose ends and offering a sense of resolution.

See the full analysis by clicking the title.

1 - The Rise of Constable Nicholas Angel Intense, Humorous, Informative 8 8 79 8 587677876 79888
2 - Reluctant Promotion Humorous, Sarcastic, Light-hearted 8 8 78 9 687776866 98899
3 - Conformity vs. Exceptionalism Humorous, Serious, Conversational 8 8 79 9 687887876 99888
4 - Fractured Connections Tense, Emotional, Humorous 8 8 79 9 787.5887898 898.588
5 - A Humorous Departure Sarcastic, Lonely, Witty, Melancholic 8 8 79 8 787776877 99888
6 - A Toast to the Law Humorous, Sarcastic, Confrontational 8 8 79 9 687887876 89888
7 - A Night of Disorder in Sandford Humorous, Sarcastic, Idyllic, Confrontational 8 8 89 7 687776876 79888
8 - Welcome to Sandford: A Comedic Introduction Humorous, Sarcastic, Light-hearted 8 8 79 9 587674775 89888
9 - Pints and Past Tales Humorous, Sarcastic, Conversational 8 8 78 9 487674775 99888
10 - A Humorous Introduction Humorous, Serious, Confrontational 8 8 78 8 687775776 79888
11 - Village Encounters: Apples and Action Movies Humorous, Light-hearted, Sardonic 8 9 79 8 587473676 99888
12 - The Missing Swan and Misunderstood Officer Humorous, Sarcastic, Light-hearted 8 8 79 9 787664775 89888
13 - Suspicion in Aisle Five Humorous, Sarcastic, Light-hearted 8 8 79 8 587776875 99888
14 - The Great Supermarket Chase Humorous, Fast-paced, Surreal 8 7 89 7 589787975 89988
15 - A Biscuit Heist and a Speeding Solicitor Humorous, Sarcastic, Light-hearted 8 8 78 9 687776875 89899
16 - The Unwanted Invitation Humorous, Sarcastic, Awkward 8 7 79 8 587564676 89888
17 - A Night of Celebration Turns Deadly Suspenseful, Humorous, Dark 8 8 89 7 687878987 99888
18 - Dismissed Theories and New Assignments Humorous, Suspenseful, Sarcastic 8 8 78 9 687.5877886 998.588
19 - Misunderstandings and Mayhem Humorous, Suspenseful, Informative 8 8 79 9 587776886 89888
20 - A Day of Discovery and Revelry Humorous, Light-hearted, Sarcastic 8 8 79 9 598685886 99888
21 - Night Encounters Humorous, Suspenseful, Light-hearted 8 8 88 7 587687886 99988
22 - A Night of Contrasts Humorous, Suspenseful, Sarcastic 8 8 79 9 587677886 89888
23 - Frustration in the CCTV Office Humorous, Suspenseful, Professional 8 8 78 8 487776875 99888
24 - A Fete to Remember Humorous, Suspenseful, Light-hearted 8 8 78 8 587675775 78899
25 - A Fete of Tension Humorous, Suspenseful, Mysterious 8 8 79 8 687776876 89888
26 - A Fete Turned Fatal Suspenseful, Humorous, Shocking 8 8 79 7 687889897 69988
27 - Rainy Revelations Suspenseful, Humorous, Serious 8 8 89 7 687878986 99888
28 - Uncovering the Mystery Suspenseful, Humorous, Investigative 8 8 79 8 687677876 79988
29 - Local Connections Uncovered Humorous, Suspenseful, Informative 8 8 78 9 487677875 99888
30 - A Birthday Interrupted Suspenseful, Humorous, Serious 8 8 79 7 687677886 89888
31 - Murder in the Nursery Suspenseful, Humorous, Intense 8 8 89 7 787888987 89988
32 - Confrontation in the Office Suspenseful, Humorous, Dramatic 9 9 99 8 798989988 99988
33 - Frustration and Insight Suspense, Dark Humor, Sarcastic, Serious 8 8 79 8 787878887 99888
34 - Confrontation at Dusk Suspenseful, Intense, Dramatic, Tense 9 8 99 8 787989988 89988
35 - The Sinister Gathering at Sandford Castle Suspenseful, Dark, Intense, Revealing 9 9 99 8 898999988 89888
36 - Betrayal in the Shadows Suspenseful, Dark, Intense, Emotional, Shocking 9 9 99 8 887989989 89888
37 - Chaos in Sandford Intense, Humorous, Suspenseful 9 8 99 8 789989998 89988
38 - Chaos at The Crown Intense, Confrontational, Revealing 9 9 99 8 898989988 89988
39 - Supermarket Showdown Tense, Humorous, Chaotic, Dramatic 8 8 79 7 687989887 89988
40 - Chaos in the Miniature Village Intense, Humorous, Dramatic 9 8 99 8 787989988 89988
41 - Chaos in Sandford Tense, Humorous, Dramatic, Chaotic 9 8 99 8 787989988 79988
42 - A New Chapter in Sandford Tense, Chaotic, Humorous, Dramatic 9 9 99 8 787979978 89888


Scene 1 - The Rise of Constable Nicholas Angel
INT. MTROPOLITAN POLICE STATION. FRONT DESK M DAY
POLICE CONSTABLE NICHOLAS ANGEL bursts through the entrance
of a eity police station and [U+FB02]ashes his warrant card.
MALE VOICE (V.0.}
Police Constable Nicholas Angel.


INT. METROPOLITAN POLICE STATION - DAY
ANGEL strides down a corridor. His collar number reads 777.
MALE VOICE (V.O.)
Born and schooled in London.
Graduated from Canterbury
University in 1993 with a double
[U+FB02]rst in politics and
sociology.

INSERT: ANGEL at training college standing amongst dopey
looking trainees. They wear navy tee shirts and shorts.

MALE VOICE (V.0.}
Attended police training college,
displaying an impressive aptitude
in both field training and
theoretical studies.

INSERT: ANGEL running in riot gear down an alley, dodging
petrol bombs, storming a fake hostage situation, finishing
an exam and holding the paper aloft.

MALE VOICE (V.0.} (cont’d)
Excelled way beyond peers, passed
into the Metropolitan Police
Service-

INSERT: ANGEL surrounded by the same dopey faces as before,
this time in full uniform, at a graduation parade.
MALE VOICE (V.O.)
-and soon proved worth as an
officer. Establishing both a
popularity and an effectiveness in
the community-
INSERT: ANGEL talking with elderly people, a Chinese family
in their native tongue, young offenders in a hall.

MALE VOICE (V.0.}
-Furthering his skills with
elective training courses in
advanced driving-
2.


INSERT: ANGEL doing an elaborate skid in a police car.
MALE VOICE (V.O.)
-as well as pioneering the use of
the mountain bicycle-

INSERT: ANGEL doing an elaborate skid on a police bike.
MALE VOICE (V.O.) (cont’d)
-and raising of[U+FB02]oe morale
with an inventive use of desktop
publishing-
INSERT: ANGEL pinning up various notices in bright colours;
they read ’BIKE SHED’, ’CANTEEN’, ’HATE CRIMES’.
MALE VOICE (V.O.) (cont’d)
-Also became heavily involved in
many extra curricular activities
and to this day holds the Met
record for the 100 metre dash.

INSERT: ANGEL fencing, doing judo, playing chess, bursts
through a finishing tape at speed.

MALE VOICE (V.0.}
-In 2001 began operations in a
North London armed response unit,
Whiskey, Bravo 7-

INSERT: ANGEL bursts into a stairwell of an apartment block
as part of a heavily armed response team.

MALE VOICE (V.O.)
-and received a bravery award for
efforts in the resolution of
Operation Crackdcwn-

INSERT: ANGEL storms a room where a wild eyed CRACKHEAD
holds a family hostage with a KALISHNIKOV. ANGEL responds
fast, firing a short burst. His expression is one of shock.
MALE VOICE (V.O.) (cont’d)
In the last twelve months alone,
has received nine special
commendations, achieved the highest
arrest record for any officer in
the borough and sustained three
injuries in the line of duty, most
recently in December when wounded
by a man dressed as Eather
Christmas.
3.


INSERT: We see [U+FB02]ashes of framed commendations,
multiple cuffing and a violent altercation with a wild eyed
St. Nick.
Genres: ["Action","Crime","Comedy"]

Summary Police Constable Nicholas Angel enters a city police station, where a voiceover narrates his impressive background, detailing his education, training, and achievements in the police force. Visual inserts showcase his journey from training college to becoming a highly commended officer, highlighting his skills in advanced driving, mountain biking, and community engagement. The narration emphasizes his bravery in armed response situations and his record for arrests, culminating in a mention of his recent injury caused by a man dressed as Father Christmas, leaving a sense of tension regarding the dangers he faces.
Strengths
  • Engaging introduction to protagonist
  • Dynamic mix of action and humor
  • Effective use of montage
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development in this scene
  • Minimal dialogue

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively establishes the protagonist's background, skills, and personality while engaging the audience with a mix of action and humor.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of introducing the protagonist through a montage of his achievements is innovative and engaging, setting the tone for the rest of the screenplay.

Plot: 7

The plot is primarily focused on introducing the protagonist and his background, setting the stage for future events in the story.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh perspective on police work, highlighting the protagonist's diverse skills and interactions with the community. The dialogue and actions feel authentic and engaging, adding to the scene's originality.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The character of Constable Angel is well-developed through his actions and interactions, showcasing his skills, dedication, and sense of humor.

Character Changes: 5

While the protagonist's character is established, there is minimal change or development within this scene.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to showcase his dedication, skills, and achievements as a police officer, reflecting his desire for recognition, respect, and excellence.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to demonstrate his effectiveness and success as a police officer, facing challenges and dangerous situations with courage and skill.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

While there is some conflict in the scene, particularly in the action sequences, the main focus is on showcasing the protagonist's skills and background.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene, such as dangerous situations and challenges faced by the protagonist, adds conflict and suspense, keeping the audience on edge.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are relatively high, as the protagonist's impressive track record and recent injury add tension and intrigue to his character.

Story Forward: 8

The scene effectively sets up the protagonist's background and skills, laying the foundation for future events in the story.

Unpredictability: 7

The scene is unpredictable in terms of the protagonist's actions and challenges he faces, adding suspense and intrigue to the narrative.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the protagonist's commitment to duty and service, balancing personal safety with the protection of others.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The scene elicits a mix of emotions, including admiration for the protagonist's achievements and humor in the comedic moments.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is minimal but effective in conveying key information about the protagonist's achievements and personality.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its fast-paced action, character development, and visual storytelling, keeping the audience invested in the protagonist's journey.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and momentum, highlighting the protagonist's journey and achievements in a dynamic and engaging manner.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene aligns with the expected format for a character introduction and background exposition, enhancing clarity and visual storytelling.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format that effectively showcases the protagonist's progression and achievements, building tension and engagement.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes Police Constable Nicholas Angel's character through a combination of voiceover and visual inserts, showcasing his impressive background and achievements. However, the heavy reliance on voiceover can detract from the visual storytelling; it may be more engaging to show these accomplishments through action or dialogue rather than telling the audience directly.
  • The inserts are a bit too on-the-nose and could benefit from more subtlety. For instance, instead of explicitly stating his achievements, consider showing Angel in action, perhaps in a tense situation that highlights his skills and bravery without needing to list them out.
  • The tone of the voiceover is somewhat formal and detached, which contrasts with the more dynamic visuals. A more conversational or humorous tone could better match the comedic elements of the screenplay, especially given the absurdity of the situation with the Santa Claus incident.
  • The scene lacks a strong emotional hook or conflict. While it establishes Angel's credentials, it doesn't provide insight into his personality or motivations. Adding a moment that hints at his internal struggles or reluctance about his role could create a more relatable character.
  • The pacing feels uneven; the rapid succession of achievements might overwhelm the audience. Consider spacing out the inserts or interspersing them with moments of Angel's personality or interactions with others to create a more balanced rhythm.
Suggestions
  • Incorporate a brief scene where Angel interacts with a colleague or a member of the public to showcase his character and how he applies his skills in real-life situations, rather than just listing them.
  • Use humor to enhance the voiceover. For example, when mentioning the injury caused by a man dressed as Father Christmas, consider adding a comedic visual or reaction from Angel that reflects the absurdity of the situation.
  • Introduce a moment of vulnerability or doubt for Angel, perhaps through a flashback or a brief interaction that hints at the pressure he feels to maintain his high standards in a new environment.
  • Consider reducing the amount of voiceover and allowing the visuals to tell more of the story. This could involve showing Angel in action during a training exercise or community engagement, allowing the audience to infer his skills and dedication.
  • Experiment with the structure of the scene by starting with a more dynamic moment that leads into the voiceover, creating a hook that draws the audience in before delving into Angel's background.



Scene 2 - Reluctant Promotion
INT. MTROPOLITAN POLICE STATION. FRONT DESK M DAY
POLICE CONSTABLE NICHOLAS ANGEL bursts through the entrance
of a city police station and [U+FB02]ashes his warrant card.
MALE VOICE (V.0.}
Police Constable Nicholas Angel.


INT. SERGEANT’S GEEICE - DAY
ANGEL sits opposite a jovial SERGEANT of the same age.

SERGEANT
Hello Nicholas. How’s the hand?

ANGEL
Still a bit stiff.

SEEGEANT
Hardly fitting for such a good boy.

ANGEL
I’m sorry Sergeant?

SERGEANT
Getting stabbed by Santa.

ANGEL
Right.

SERGEANT
It can get awfully hairy out there.
I’m surprised you hadn’t been
snapped up into a nice desk job
before. That’s what I did.
ANGEL
I know sergeant. I prefer to think
my office is out on the street.

SERGEANT
Indeed you do. Your arrest record
is 460% higher than any other
officer. And your paperwork is
really quite exemplary. You do like
to cross the ’I’s and dot the ’T’s.
4.


ANGEL
Dot the ’I’s and cross the ’T’s.
SERGEANT
Exactly. And that’s why it’s high
time such skills were put to better
use. We’re making you Sergeant.
ANGEL
I see.

SERGEANT
(mumbles)
In Sandford, Gloucestershire.
ANGEL
In where sorry?

SERGEANT
In Sandford, Gloucestershire.

ANGEL
That’s in the country.

SERGEANT
Yes, lovely.

ANGEL
That’s miles away.

SERGEANT
Lovely.

ANGEL
Is there not a Sergeant’s position
in London?
SERGEANT
No.

ANGEL
Well, can I just stay here as a
P.C.?

SERGEANT
Nooo.

ANGEL
Do I have any choice in this?

SERGEANT
Noooo.
5.


ANGEL
But, I like it here.
SERGEANT
You always said you wanted to
transfer to the country.

ANGEL
In twenty years time maybe.
SERGEANT
Well done you.
ANGEL
Hang on - I don’t actually remember
telling you that.

SERGEANT
Yes you did, you said"
(slyly looks at notes)
"I’d love to settle down in the
country sometime Janine".

ANGEL
I’d like to talk to the Inspector.

SERGEANT
Hey, fine. You can talk to the
Inspector, but I promise he’ll say
the same thing as me.
Genres: ["Comedy","Police Procedural"]

Summary Police Constable Nicholas Angel arrives at a city police station, where he is greeted by a jovial Sergeant who informs him of his promotion to Sergeant in Sandford, Gloucestershire. Despite the Sergeant's light-hearted teasing about Angel's recent injury from a Santa Claus figure, Angel is resistant to the transfer, preferring to remain in London. The scene captures the humorous tension between Angel's frustration and the Sergeant's insistence on the move, ending with Angel seeking to speak to the Inspector about his situation.
Strengths
  • Witty dialogue
  • Character dynamics
  • Setting up conflict
Weaknesses
  • Some repetitive dialogue
  • Lack of visual action

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is engaging, humorous, and sets up a conflict that will drive the protagonist's journey. The dialogue is sharp and entertaining, showcasing the protagonist's reluctance to leave his current position.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a skilled urban police officer being transferred to a rural town adds an interesting dynamic to the story. It sets up a fish-out-of-water scenario that promises comedic and dramatic potential.

Plot: 7

The plot introduces a major conflict by forcing the protagonist to leave his comfort zone and adapt to a new environment. It sets the stage for character development and potential obstacles to overcome.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the familiar trope of a police officer being offered a promotion to a rural location. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-defined through their dialogue and interactions. The protagonist's reluctance and the sergeant's jovial nature create a dynamic relationship that will likely drive the narrative forward.

Character Changes: 6

The protagonist's forced transfer sets the stage for potential character growth and change as he navigates a new environment. It hints at a transformation in his priorities and perspectives.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to maintain his current position as a police constable in the city. This reflects his desire to continue working in a familiar environment and his reluctance to move to a rural location.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to negotiate with the sergeant to stay in his current position as a police constable in the city. This reflects the immediate challenge of being offered a promotion to a rural location.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict arises from the protagonist's reluctance to leave his current position and adapt to a new environment. It creates tension and sets up potential obstacles for the character to overcome.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in this scene is strong, with the sergeant presenting a clear obstacle to the protagonist's desire to stay in his current position.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes are relatively high for the protagonist as he is forced to leave his familiar surroundings and adapt to a new environment. The outcome of his transfer could have significant consequences for his career and personal growth.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing a major conflict and setting up the protagonist's journey. It establishes the stakes and potential obstacles he will face in the narrative.

Unpredictability: 6

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected offer of a promotion to a rural location, challenging the protagonist's expectations and desires.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the protagonist's desire for stability and familiarity in his job versus the sergeant's belief that the protagonist's skills are better suited for a different location. This challenges the protagonist's values and worldview regarding his career.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The scene elicits a mix of emotions, including amusement, resignation, and curiosity about the protagonist's future. It sets up potential emotional arcs for the character.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is witty, sharp, and reveals important character traits. It sets the tone for the scene and establishes the relationships between the characters effectively.

Engagement: 8

This scene is engaging because of the witty dialogue and the tension between the characters, keeping the audience interested in the outcome of the negotiation.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and maintaining the audience's interest in the negotiation between the characters.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of this scene adheres to the standard screenplay format, with clear scene headings and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 9

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for a dialogue-driven scene in a screenplay, with clear character interactions and progression of the plot.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes the character of Nicholas Angel through his dialogue and interactions with the Sergeant. However, the humor surrounding the injury from Santa could be enhanced to better reflect the absurdity of the situation, which would align with the overall tone of the script.
  • The dialogue between Angel and the Sergeant feels somewhat expository, particularly in the way the Sergeant lists Angel's achievements. This could be streamlined to maintain a more natural flow and avoid sounding like a resume recitation.
  • Angel's reluctance to move to Sandford is clear, but the emotional stakes could be heightened. The scene could benefit from a deeper exploration of Angel's attachment to London and what he feels he would be leaving behind, making his reluctance more relatable.
  • The Sergeant's jovial demeanor contrasts with Angel's serious nature, which is a good dynamic, but it could be pushed further. The Sergeant could have more playful banter or teasing remarks that highlight Angel's discomfort with the promotion, adding layers to their relationship.
  • The scene ends on a somewhat abrupt note with Angel wanting to speak to the Inspector. This could be expanded to show Angel's determination or frustration, providing a stronger emotional hook for the audience as they transition to the next scene.
Suggestions
  • Incorporate more humor related to the Santa incident, perhaps through a brief flashback or a humorous anecdote from the Sergeant that illustrates the absurdity of the situation.
  • Consider revising the dialogue to make it feel more conversational. Instead of listing achievements, the Sergeant could reference specific incidents or stories that showcase Angel's skills, making the dialogue feel more organic.
  • Add a moment where Angel reflects on what he will miss about London, perhaps through a brief internal monologue or a comment about a specific place or person, to deepen his emotional conflict.
  • Enhance the playful dynamic between Angel and the Sergeant by including more light-hearted teasing or jokes that reveal their camaraderie, making the scene feel more engaging.
  • Extend the final exchange between Angel and the Sergeant to emphasize Angel's frustration and determination, perhaps by having him express a specific concern about the move or a desire to prove himself in London.



Scene 3 - Conformity vs. Exceptionalism
INT. SERGEANT’S OFFICE - DAY

An equally jovial INSPECTOR sits alongside the SERGEANT.

INSPECTOR
Hello Nicholas. How’s the hand?

ANGEL
Still a bit stiff.

INSPECTOR
How are things at home?
ANGEL
I’m sorry sir?
INSPECTOR
How’s Janine?
6.


ANGEL
We’re no longer together sir-
INSEECTQR
So where are you living now?

SERGEANT
He’s in the Section House sir.
INSPECTOR
With all the recruits?

ANGEL
Temporarily yes, but-
INSPECTOR
Well, we must get you out of there.

SERGEANT
Yes, he’s living out of cardboard
boxes.

INSPECTOR
Well, then you’re already packed.
Nicholas, we’re offering you a
smashing position and a delightful
cottage in a lovely little place
that’s been voted ’Village of the
Year’ I don’t know how many times.
It’ll be good for you.

SERGEANT
We’re only asking you to go for
nine months.

ANGEL
Nine months!?
INSPECTOR
A year.

SERGEANT
Two years tops.

ANGEL
I really don’t know what to say-

INSPECTOR
Just say yes.

SERGEANT
Just say yes, thank you.
7.


ANGEL
No, I’m sorry sir, I want to-
INSPECTOR
-take this higher?

ANGEL
Yes. Yes I do.
INSPECTOR
You want me to bother the Chief
Inspector with this?
ANGEL
Yes I do.
INSPECTOR
You want me to get the Chief
Inspector to come all the way down
here?

ANGEL
Yes.

INSPECTOR
Okay. Kenneth?

The jovial CHIEF INSPECTOR (50’s) enters. ANGEL stands.

CHIEF INSPECTOR
Hello Nicholas. How’s the hand?

INSPECTOR & SERGEANT
Still a bit stiff.

ANGEL
Chief Inspector-

CEIEF INSPECTOR
Keep your seat. Now, I know what
you’re going to say, but the fact
is, you’re making us all look bad.
ANGEL
I’m sorry sir?

CHIEF INSPECTOR
Of course we all appreciate your
efforts, but you’re rather letting
the side down.
8.


ANGEL
But, my record is 406% higher than
everyone else.
CHIEF INSPECTOR
Exactly...
ANGEL
I’m not sure I-
CHIEF INSPECTOR
Sometimes you’ve just got to sail
the middle path.
INSPECTOR
It’s all about being a team player,
Nicholas.

SERGEANT
You can’t be the Sheriff of London.

CHIEF INSPECTOR
If we let you carry on running
around town, you’ll just continue
to be exceptional and we can’t have
that. You’ll put us all out of a
job.

ANGEL
With the greatest respect, sir. You
can’t just make people disappear.

CHIEF INSPECTOR
Yes I can. I’m the Chief Inspector.

INSPECTOR
No one’s disappearing, Sergeant.
ANGEL
However you spin this, there’s one
thing you haven’t counted on. And
that’s what the ’team’ are going to
make of this.
ANGEL exits the office and is greeted by every officer in
the force, clasping plastic glasses. A makeshift sign made
from colour photocopied sheets reads ’GOOD LUCK NICHOLAS’.
9.
Genres: ["Comedy","Drama"]

Summary In the Sergeant's office, Inspector and Sergeant pressure Nicholas Angel to accept a new position in a village, citing his poor living conditions. Despite their persuasion and the Chief Inspector's insistence that his exceptional performance is detrimental to the team, Angel stands firm in his belief that he cannot conform. The scene is tense and confrontational, highlighting the conflict between Angel's desire for excellence and the pressure to fit in. As he exits the office, he receives a warm send-off from his fellow officers, contrasting the earlier tension.
Strengths
  • Sharp dialogue
  • Engaging character dynamics
  • Humorous yet serious tone
Weaknesses
  • Limited emotional impact
  • Lack of significant character changes

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively blends humor and drama, setting up a conflict between Angel's desire to stay in London and the Chief Inspector's insistence on promoting him. The dialogue is sharp and engaging, keeping the audience entertained while also hinting at deeper themes of individuality and teamwork.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a high-performing police officer being offered a promotion to a small village adds an interesting dynamic to the story. It introduces a conflict between personal ambition and professional expectations, setting the stage for character development and thematic exploration.

Plot: 7

The plot revolves around Angel's promotion offer and his initial reluctance to accept it. This sets up a clear conflict that drives the scene forward and hints at potential future developments in the story.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the police procedural genre by focusing on the protagonist's moral dilemma and resistance to authority. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging, adding depth to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters, especially Angel and the Chief Inspector, are well-defined and engaging. Angel's dedication to his job and the Chief Inspector's desire for conformity create a compelling dynamic that adds depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 6

While Angel's initial reluctance to accept the promotion hints at potential character growth, the scene does not show significant changes in the characters. However, it sets up a clear conflict that could lead to future developments.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to maintain his integrity and sense of justice despite pressure from his superiors. This reflects his deeper need for honesty and fairness in his work.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to resist being transferred to a new position and maintain his current role in the police force. This reflects the immediate challenge he faces in his career.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between Angel's desire to stay in London and the Chief Inspector's insistence on promoting him creates tension and drives the scene forward. It sets up a clear dilemma for the character and hints at potential resolutions.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing resistance from his superiors and internal conflict over his decisions.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are relatively high for Angel, as the promotion offer challenges his personal and professional desires. The outcome of his decision could have significant implications for his future and the story's direction.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing a key conflict and setting up potential future developments. It establishes important character dynamics and hints at themes that will be explored later in the narrative.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected turn of events, as the protagonist challenges his superiors and faces the consequences of his actions.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between individual integrity and institutional conformity. The protagonist's belief in doing what is right clashes with the expectations of his superiors to follow orders and maintain the status quo.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The scene elicits a mix of emotions, from humor to tension, keeping the audience engaged. While not highly emotional, it sets the stage for potential character growth and deeper connections with the story.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is witty, sharp, and reveals important aspects of the characters' personalities. It drives the scene forward, adding humor and tension to the interaction between Angel and the Chief Inspector.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the witty dialogue, power dynamics, and moral conflict that keep the audience invested in the protagonist's journey.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and suspense, leading to a climactic moment where the protagonist takes a stand against his superiors.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with proper scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a dialogue-driven sequence in a police procedural genre, with clear character dynamics and conflict resolution.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes the conflict between Angel's exceptionalism and the mediocrity expected by his superiors. However, the dialogue could be tightened to enhance the pacing and maintain tension. Some exchanges feel repetitive, particularly regarding the duration of Angel's potential transfer, which could be streamlined.
  • The character dynamics are well-defined, with the jovial Inspector and Sergeant contrasting Angel's serious demeanor. However, the humor could be more nuanced to avoid feeling forced. The joviality of the Inspector and Sergeant sometimes undermines the gravity of Angel's situation, making it difficult for the audience to fully grasp the stakes.
  • Angel's motivations are clear, but his emotional state could be more vividly portrayed. The scene could benefit from more internal conflict or a moment of vulnerability from Angel, allowing the audience to connect with his reluctance on a deeper level.
  • The introduction of the Chief Inspector feels abrupt. A smoother transition into his entrance could enhance the flow of the scene. Additionally, the Chief Inspector's dialogue could be more impactful if it included specific examples of how Angel's actions have affected the team, rather than general statements about mediocrity.
  • The ending of the scene, with Angel exiting to a farewell from his colleagues, is a nice touch but could be more emotionally resonant. The sign and the plastic glasses are humorous, but they might dilute the seriousness of Angel's predicament. A more poignant farewell could heighten the emotional stakes.
Suggestions
  • Consider tightening the dialogue to eliminate repetitive exchanges, particularly regarding the length of the transfer. This will help maintain the scene's momentum.
  • Infuse the humor with more subtlety to ensure it complements the serious themes of the scene. This could involve using situational humor rather than overtly jovial dialogue.
  • Add a moment of introspection for Angel, perhaps through a brief internal monologue or a physical reaction that conveys his emotional struggle with the transfer.
  • Create a smoother transition for the Chief Inspector's entrance, possibly by having him referenced earlier in the conversation or by building anticipation for his arrival.
  • Enhance the emotional weight of the farewell at the end of the scene. Consider having Angel express a more personal sentiment to his colleagues, making the moment feel more significant.



Scene 4 - Fractured Connections
INT. GROUNE FLOOR ESTATE FLAT - DAY
A group of Crime Scene Investigators dressed in white
protective suits, face masks and goggles, work in a blood
spattered room. A mobile rings. One of the CSI’s picks up.

JANINE
Hello.
ANGEL (O.S.}
Janine. It’s me.

JANINE
I know. I’m at work.
ANGEL (O.S.)
I know. I’m outside.

JANINE turns to see ANGEL outside the window on his mobile.

ANGEL (CONT’C}
What’s the situation?

JANINE
You know the situation. We’ve been
over this.

ANGEL
I meant here.

JANINE
Two people involved, distinct signs
of a struggle. A complete mess.

ANGEL
You are talking about here?

JANINE
Nicholas, what do you want?

ANGEL
I need to tell you something and I
didn’t want to do it over the
phone.
ANGEL disappears. Beat. He re-enters moments later and
approaches the hallway door. He sees JANINE.
ANGEL (CONT’D)
Janine, I’m being transferred. I’m
going away for a while-
10.

MALE CSI
I’m not Janine.

A cough. ANGEL turns to find JANINE standing to his right.
ANGEL
Janine, I’m being transferred. I’m
going away for a while.

JANINE
I know. Bob told me.
Another CSI walks past and waves to ANGEL.
BOB
Alright?
ANGEL
I just wanted to tell you in
person. There’s no reason why we
can’t be civil with each other.
It’s not so long ago that we were
talking about getting married.

JANINE
Yes but you were already married to
the force weren’t you?

ANGEL
We’re actually supposed to refer to
it as ’the service’ now.
Of[U+FB02]oial’vocab guidelines
state that ’force’ sounds too
aggressive.

JANINE
See that’s it. It’s only ever about
the job. It’s all you care about.

ANGEL
That’s not true.
JANINE
No, you’re right, you do have that
rubber plant.

ANGEL
It’s actually a Peace Lily.

JANINE
You just can’t switch off Nicholas.
JANINE whips off her goggles for emphasis. We are still no
wiser as to what she looks like.
11.


JANINE (cont’d)
And until you find a person you
care about more than your job, you
never will. Besides you were the
one who suggested we take a break.

ANGEL
Yeah well, guilty people usually
make the first move.
JANINE
Actually there’s something I need
to tell you too.
ANGEL
You’re seeing somebody.

JANINE
Yes. How did you-?

ANGEL
Is it Bob?

We see BOB dusting for prints.

JANINE
No. Does Bob look like the kind of
person I’d go out with?...It’s
Dave.

She gestures to an identical CSI. He waves to ANGEL.

DAVE
Alright?

ANGEL looks down and stares at the [U+FB02]oor. JANINE
softens.
JANINE
Oh, Nicholas-

ANGEL
You do know that window’s been
broken from the inside?
The CSIs look to the broken window. JANINE hangs her head.
12.
Genres: ["Crime","Drama","Romance","Comedy"]

Summary In a blood-spattered crime scene, Janine receives a call from her ex, Angel, who is being transferred. Their conversation reveals unresolved tensions from their past relationship, with Janine accusing Angel of prioritizing his job over personal connections. She mentions her new partner, Dave, which visibly affects Angel. The scene culminates in Janine acknowledging a broken window, symbolizing their unresolved issues.
Strengths
  • Strong character development
  • Sharp dialogue
  • Emotional depth
Weaknesses
  • Some confusion with character identities

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively combines elements of crime, drama, romance, and comedy to create a compelling and engaging narrative. The dialogue is sharp, the characters are well-developed, and the emotional depth adds layers to the story.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring personal relationships amidst a crime investigation adds depth to the narrative and creates a unique blend of genres. The scene effectively introduces conflict and sets up future developments.

Plot: 7

The plot advances through the revelation of personal conflicts and the decision of the protagonist to accept a transfer. The scene sets up future events and establishes character motivations.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the crime investigation genre by blending personal drama with professional duties, creating a unique and engaging dynamic.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-defined, with distinct personalities and conflicting emotions. Their interactions drive the scene forward and reveal underlying tensions and motivations.

Character Changes: 7

The characters undergo emotional changes and revelations, particularly in their relationships with each other. These changes set the stage for future character development and plot twists.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to maintain professionalism and composure while dealing with personal issues, reflecting deeper needs for closure and emotional stability.

External Goal: 7.5

The protagonist's external goal is to inform their partner about a transfer and personal matters, reflecting the immediate circumstances of their job and relationship challenges.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The scene is filled with internal and external conflicts, driving the emotional and narrative tension. The conflicts between characters add depth and complexity to the story.

Opposition: 7.5

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting emotions, personal revelations, and unresolved tensions that create suspense and uncertainty for the characters' relationships and future interactions.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are high in terms of personal relationships and career decisions. The characters face emotional dilemmas and must navigate complex conflicts, adding tension and depth to the scene.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing new conflicts, revealing character motivations, and setting up future events. It advances the narrative while deepening character relationships.

Unpredictability: 8.5

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected revelations, shifting dynamics between characters, and unresolved conflicts that leave the audience guessing about the outcome.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the protagonist's dedication to their job versus their personal relationships, challenging their beliefs about work-life balance and priorities.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from tension and sadness to humor and nostalgia. The personal revelations and conflicts between characters create a strong emotional impact.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is sharp, witty, and emotionally charged. It effectively conveys the characters' personalities, conflicts, and relationships, adding depth to the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the witty dialogue, emotional conflicts, and unexpected plot twists that keep the audience invested in the characters' relationships and personal struggles.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by balancing dialogue-driven moments with action sequences, creating a dynamic rhythm that keeps the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with proper scene headings, dialogue formatting, and action descriptions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear character introductions, conflict development, and resolution.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes the tension between Angel and Janine, showcasing their complicated relationship through dialogue. However, the setting of a blood-spattered room feels somewhat disconnected from the emotional stakes of their conversation. The contrast between the gruesome crime scene and their personal issues could be more pronounced to heighten the drama.
  • The dialogue is sharp and reveals character motivations well, but it occasionally feels expository. For instance, Janine's line about Angel's dedication to his job could be more subtly woven into the conversation rather than stated outright. This would allow the audience to infer her feelings rather than being told directly.
  • The introduction of the male CSI character, Bob, feels a bit forced and could be streamlined. His brief interaction with Angel doesn't add much to the scene and could be removed or replaced with a more meaningful exchange that enhances the tension or humor.
  • The scene's pacing could be improved. The back-and-forth between Angel and Janine is engaging, but it could benefit from more varied beats to create a rhythm that reflects the emotional weight of their conversation. For example, adding pauses or reactions from the CSIs could enhance the tension.
  • The ending line about the broken window is intriguing but feels abrupt. It could be expanded upon to provide a clearer connection to the emotional stakes of the scene, perhaps by having Janine react more strongly to this revelation or by linking it back to their relationship.
Suggestions
  • Consider deepening the emotional stakes by incorporating more visual elements that reflect the tension in Angel and Janine's relationship. For example, showing Angel's discomfort in the crime scene could enhance the contrast between his professional life and personal struggles.
  • Revise the dialogue to make it feel more natural and less expository. Instead of stating feelings outright, use subtext to convey the characters' emotions, allowing the audience to read between the lines.
  • Streamline the introduction of secondary characters like Bob. If they are not essential to the scene, consider removing them or giving them a more significant role that contributes to the main conflict.
  • Experiment with pacing by incorporating varied beats, such as pauses or reactions from the CSIs, to create a more dynamic flow that reflects the emotional intensity of the conversation.
  • Expand on the final line about the broken window to create a stronger connection to the emotional stakes. This could involve Janine expressing concern or disbelief, which would add depth to the scene's conclusion.



Scene 5 - A Humorous Departure
INT. SECTION HOUSE CORRIDOR/BEDROOM - DAY
We prowl down the corridor of a dormitory to a tiny bedroom.
ANGEL packs a large red suitcase and takes down photos from
the wall; a blonde child in a toy police car, an article
reading ’HERO GUN COP SAVES FAMILY’. Three FRESH FACED
RECRUITS appear at the door.
RECRUIT
Is it true you’re leaving sir?

ANGEL
Yes it is true.
RECRUIT
Is it okay if we have your milk?


INT/EXT. TITLES/TRAVEL NONTAGE - DAY - DUSK

ANGEL leaves the section house, striking a lonely figure on
the pavement with his suitcase and pot plant under his
arm...

...ANGEL cradles his POT PLANT on a crowded TUBE TRAIN...

...ANGEL reads The Guardian on an INTER-CITY TRAIN and eats
tofu from a lunch box. Urban landscapes whisr by...

...ANGEL and his POT PLANT at a deserted train station...

...ANGEL sits on a connecting shuttle train. The reception
bars on his mobile deplete. Street lights whizz by...

...ANGEL sits in a minicab in semi darkness. Out of the
window a sign looms: ’WELCOME TO SANDEORD’, ’THE COMMUNITY
THAT CARES’. It features a picture of castle ruins.
...Signs whizz by; one pointing to the ’MODEL VILLAGE’, a
large [U+FB02]oral display reading ’SANDFOED, VILLAGE OF THE
YEAR’, a NEIGHBOURHOOD WATCH sign. We see a local church
surrounded in scaffolding. Rain spots the cab window.


EXT. SANDEORD VILLAGE SQUARE - EVENING
The minicab pulls away, leaving ANGEL, a lonely figure on
the pavement, the pot plant under his arm.
13.

INT. SWAN HOTEL RECEPTION - NIGHT
ANGEL comes in to the reception of an up-market guest house,
with twee living room furnishings in the foyer. A VERY OLD
MAN snores in an armchair.
We see a poster for a production of ROMEO AND JULIET. An
ornamental sword is mounted above a front desk where a
MIDDLE-AGED WOMAN presides. She doesn’t look up.

WOMAN
It would appear the heavens have
opened.
ANGEL
I was hoping I could check in.
WOMAN
Check in? But you’ve always been
here.

ANGEL
Excuse me?

WOMAN
(peering through specs)
I’m sorry, I thought you were my
husband. You must be Sgt. Angel.

ANGEL
Um, yes I am.

JOYCE COOPER
I’m Joyce Cooper. I trust you had a
pleasant trip. Fascist.

ANGEL
I beg your pardon?

JOYCE COOPER
System of Government characterised
by extreme dictatorship. Seven
across.

MRS. COOPER motions to the crossword she’s been doing.
ANGEL
Ah. I believe that’s ’fascism’.
JOYCE COOPER
Fascism? Wonderful. We’ve put you
in the ’Castle Suite’. It’s on the
second [U+FB02]oor. Bernard will
escort you up.
14.


She motions to the OLD MAN in the foyer. For a moment he
looks dead but a prodigious snore proves otherwise.
ANGEL
It’s okay. I’m sure I can make my
own way up. Hag.

JOYCE COOPER
I beg your pardon?
ANGEL
Evil old woman considered ugly or
frightful. 12 down.
JOYCE COOPER
Bless you.
Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

Summary Angel prepares to leave his dormitory, engaging in light-hearted banter with fresh recruits who ask for his milk. A travel montage follows, showcasing his journey to Sandford village. At the Swan Hotel, he meets Joyce Cooper, who mistakenly thinks he is her husband, leading to a humorous exchange about fascism and crossword puzzles. The scene blends melancholy with humor, highlighting Angel's loneliness while providing comedic moments, including an old man snoring in the lobby. It concludes with the old man humorously revealed to be alive as he escorts Angel to his room.
Strengths
  • Sharp dialogue
  • Engaging character interactions
  • Blend of humor and melancholy
Weaknesses
  • Limited external conflict
  • Some dialogue may be too sarcastic for all audiences

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively sets the tone for the protagonist's departure from the familiar to the unfamiliar, blending humor with underlying melancholy. The dialogue is engaging, and the setting adds depth to the narrative.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a dedicated police officer being transferred to a small village against his will is compelling and sets the stage for character development and conflict. The scene effectively introduces the protagonist's internal struggle and sets up future plot points.

Plot: 7

The plot progresses as the protagonist reluctantly accepts his new assignment in the village, setting up potential conflicts and character arcs. The scene moves the story forward by establishing the protagonist's new environment and challenges.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the fish-out-of-water trope, with the protagonist navigating the quirky interactions and customs of a small village. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and add depth to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-defined, with the protagonist displaying a mix of determination and vulnerability. Supporting characters like Joyce Cooper add depth and humor to the scene, enhancing the overall dynamics.

Character Changes: 7

The protagonist undergoes a subtle shift in perspective as he reluctantly accepts his new assignment, hinting at potential growth and development in future scenes. Supporting characters also reveal aspects of their personalities through their interactions.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to adapt to his new surroundings and navigate the quirky interactions with the locals. This reflects his deeper need for acceptance and understanding in a new environment.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to check into the hotel and settle into his new living arrangements. This reflects the immediate challenge of finding a place to stay and starting his new job in the village.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The scene introduces internal conflicts within the protagonist as he navigates his new assignment and confronts his past. Tension arises from his reluctance to accept change and the expectations placed upon him, setting the stage for future conflicts.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing challenges in adapting to the local customs and language. The interactions with the locals create tension and conflict, adding depth to the narrative.

High Stakes: 6

While the stakes are not overtly high in this scene, the emotional and personal implications for the protagonist are significant. His internal conflicts and the challenges he faces in the new environment add depth to the narrative.

Story Forward: 8

The scene effectively moves the story forward by establishing the protagonist's new setting, challenges, and relationships. It sets up future plot developments and character arcs, laying the groundwork for the narrative to unfold.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected interactions and humorous twists in the dialogue. The protagonist's responses to the locals' comments add a layer of unpredictability to the scene.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the protagonist's clash with the local customs and language. His interactions with the locals challenge his beliefs and values, highlighting the differences between his urban background and the rural community he now finds himself in.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a sense of loneliness, reflection, and bittersweetness as the protagonist embarks on a new chapter in his life. The emotional depth of the characters and their interactions adds layers to the narrative, resonating with the audience.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is sharp, witty, and filled with sarcasm, reflecting the characters' personalities and relationships. It adds depth to the scene and drives the narrative forward through engaging interactions.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the witty dialogue, quirky characters, and unique setting. The interactions between the protagonist and the locals create tension and humor, keeping the audience invested in the story.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by balancing dialogue with visual descriptions and character interactions. The rhythm of the scene keeps the audience engaged and sets up the tone for the rest of the screenplay.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is consistent with the genre, with clear scene headings and descriptions that enhance the visual storytelling. The use of INT/EXT and time of day cues help establish the setting and atmosphere.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear transitions between locations and well-paced dialogue. The formatting enhances the visual storytelling and sets the tone for the rest of the screenplay.


Critique
  • The scene effectively transitions from the emotional weight of Angel's departure to a lighter, humorous tone with the introduction of the recruits and the travel montage. This contrast helps to maintain engagement and showcases Angel's character as both serious and somewhat out of place in a new environment.
  • The dialogue between Angel and the recruits is brief but serves to highlight Angel's status and the impact of his departure on the new officers. However, the exchange about the milk feels a bit trivial and could be expanded to provide more depth or humor, perhaps by including a playful back-and-forth that showcases Angel's personality.
  • The travel montage is visually engaging and effectively conveys Angel's journey to Sandford. However, it could benefit from a stronger emotional connection to Angel's feelings about leaving London. Adding brief internal monologue snippets or visual cues that reflect his apprehension or nostalgia could enhance the audience's understanding of his character.
  • Joyce Cooper's introduction is humorous and quirky, which fits the tone of the film. However, the crossword puzzle dialogue could be more tightly woven into the scene to avoid feeling like a forced joke. It might be more effective if Joyce's comments about fascism were tied to a specific context or observation about the village, making it feel more organic.
  • The exchange between Angel and Joyce at the hotel reception is amusing, but the pacing could be improved. The dialogue feels slightly rushed, and allowing for more pauses or reactions could enhance the comedic timing. Additionally, Joyce's character could be fleshed out further to make her more memorable and impactful in the scene.
Suggestions
  • Consider expanding the dialogue between Angel and the recruits to include more playful banter or a moment that highlights Angel's reluctance to leave, which could add depth to his character.
  • Incorporate brief internal thoughts or visual cues during the travel montage that reflect Angel's emotional state, such as flashbacks to his time in London or moments of doubt about the move.
  • Refine the crossword puzzle dialogue to make it feel more natural and relevant to the scene. Perhaps Joyce could comment on something she sees in the hotel that relates to her crossword, creating a more seamless connection.
  • Slow down the pacing of the dialogue between Angel and Joyce to allow for better comedic timing. Consider adding pauses or reactions that enhance the humor and give the audience time to absorb the jokes.
  • Flesh out Joyce Cooper's character by giving her a quirky trait or backstory that could be hinted at in her dialogue, making her a more memorable character in Angel's new environment.



Scene 6 - A Toast to the Law
INT. SWAN HOTEL CORRIDOR/ROOM - DAY

ANGEL approaches a door marked CASTLE SUITE. He unlocks it
and enters. The room is quaint but identical in dimension to
his previous accomodation. ANGEL takes off his jacket and
places his POT PLANT on the windowsill. It’s deathly quiet.
ANGEL grabs his jacket again.


EXT. SANDFORD SQUARE - NIGHT

The rain now stopped, ANGEL walks the empty streets. He
hears signs of life from the pub. He heads towards it,
passing the village fountain, where a group of young
children gather. Chatting, leaning on skateboards, they all
wear hooded tops.

ANGEL frowns and glances at his watch. As he passes, the
HOODIES all stare after him.


INT. THE CROWN - NIGHT

ANGEL cautiously enters a lively pub, complete with rustic
farming equipment and a cheery landlord and landlady.
ROTUND DRINKER
Pint of lager, please Mary.

MARY PORTER
Right you are my love.
ROY PORTER
Yes sir, what can I get you?
15.

ANGEL
Could I have a glass of the...
cranberry juice please?

ROY PORTER
Certainly. Now, you wouldn’t, by
any chance, be the new policeman?
ANGEL
Police officer, yes. My name is
Nicholas Angel.
ROY PORTER
Thought so. I’m Roy Porter and this
is my wife Mary.

MARY PORTER
Welcome to Sandford. If there’s
anything you need, let us know.

ANGEL
Thanks. Could I borrow your paper?

ANGEL points to a ’SANDFORD CITIZEN’ on the bar.

MARY PORTER
It’s not ours love.

ROY PORTER
Not big fans of the local
fishwrapper, are we Mare? They
listed her age as 55"

MARY PORTER
-when I’m actually 53.

ROTUND DRINKER
Pint of lager, please Mary.

MARY PORTER
Right you are my love.


INT. THE CROWN - NIGHT

ANGEL sits on a stool at the bar reading the paper -
(Headlines read ’MYSTERY SURROUNDS PROPOSED EIPASS’)
A suspiciously young laugh draws ANGEL’s attention. Some
drinkers at the bar look very fresh faced. Others drink beer
through straws. Another drinker guffaws, his BRACES glint.
ANGEL is dazzled. He looks to a sign reading ’IT IS ILLEGAL
TO SELL ALCOHOL TO ANYONE UNDER THE AGE OF 18’.
16.

INT. THE CROWN - CONTINUOUS
ANGEL strides over to the table of straw drinkers.

ANGEL
Excuse me. When’s your birthday?
YOUNGSTE
22nd of February.

ANGEL
What year?
YOUNGSTER
Every year.

ANGEL
Okay. Get out.

JUMPCUT. ANGEL talks to the YOUNGSTER with terrible acne.

YOUNGSTE 2
Eighth of May, 1968.

ANGEL
You’re 37?

YOUNGSTER 2
...Yeah.

ANGEL
Get out.

JUMPCUT. A high voiced YOUNGSTER with braces.

YOUNGSTER 3
Ummm...

ANGEL
Out.

ROY PORTER
Is there a problem officer?

ANGEL
Yes there is. An awful lot of your
patrons appear to be underage Mr.
Porter.
ROY PORTER
Well, a few of them may be a month
or two south of proper. But if
they’re in here, it stops them
getting into trouble out there-
17.


MARY PORTER
-doing their business in the
street, having fisticuffs, nicking
traf[U+FB02]c cones-

ROY PORTER
The way we see it, it’s all about
the greater good.
MARY PORTER
...the greater good.

ANGEL
That may be, but the law’s the law.
They’ll all have to go.
MARY PORTER/ROY PORTER
Oh.
Genres: ["Comedy","Crime","Drama"]

Summary In this scene, Angel, the new police officer in Sandford, arrives at The Crown pub and quickly identifies a group of underage drinkers. Despite the lively atmosphere and the pub owners, Roy and Mary Porter, justifying their actions for the 'greater good,' Angel confronts them about the legality of serving minors. The tension between Angel's commitment to upholding the law and the Porters' rationale creates an unresolved conflict, ending with Angel insisting that the underage patrons must leave.
Strengths
  • Witty dialogue
  • Character dynamics
  • Setting establishment
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development
  • Moderate emotional impact

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively blends humor, drama, and crime elements, creating an engaging and entertaining narrative. The witty dialogue and confrontational interactions add depth to the characters and advance the plot.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a dedicated police officer facing off against a village with a more relaxed attitude towards the law is intriguing and sets up potential conflicts and character development. The scene effectively introduces this concept and sets the stage for future developments.

Plot: 7

The plot progresses as the protagonist, Angel, encounters the village's unique approach to law enforcement, setting up potential conflicts and character dynamics. The scene establishes the central conflict and introduces key themes of duty and morality.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the classic 'new cop in town' trope by exploring the clash between traditional village values and modern law enforcement. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed, with distinct personalities and motivations. Angel's dedication to upholding the law contrasts with the villagers' more relaxed attitude, creating tension and humor. The interactions between characters drive the scene forward and set up future conflicts.

Character Changes: 6

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the interactions between Angel and the villagers hint at potential growth and development. The clash of personalities and motivations sets up future character arcs and conflicts.

Internal Goal: 8

Angel's internal goal in this scene is to uphold the law and maintain order in the village, reflecting his deeper need for justice and adherence to rules.

External Goal: 7

Angel's external goal is to enforce the law regarding underage drinking in the pub, reflecting the immediate challenge he faces in maintaining order in the community.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between Angel's dedication to upholding the law and the village's more relaxed attitude towards underage drinking drives the scene forward. The confrontational interactions and differing perspectives create tension and set up potential conflicts.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, as Angel faces resistance from the villagers in enforcing the law, leading to a conflict of values and beliefs.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are moderate in this scene, as Angel confronts the village's lax approach to underage drinking and upholds the law. The clash of perspectives and motivations sets up potential conflicts and consequences, adding depth to the narrative.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing the central conflict, establishing key themes, and setting up potential conflicts and character dynamics. The interactions between characters drive the narrative and set the stage for future developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twist in the underage drinking situation and the humorous reactions from the characters.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between the villagers' belief in the 'greater good' and Angel's adherence to the law. This challenges Angel's values of justice and order.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The scene elicits a range of emotions, from amusement at the witty dialogue to tension during the confrontational interactions. The emotional impact is moderate but sets the stage for future developments and character arcs.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is witty, confrontational, and humorous, adding depth to the characters and advancing the plot. The interactions between Angel and the villagers reveal their personalities and motivations, setting up potential conflicts and character development.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the witty dialogue, dynamic character interactions, and the conflict between Angel and the villagers.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and humor through well-timed dialogue exchanges and character reactions.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene adheres to the expected format for its genre, with proper scene headings and character actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear transitions between locations and well-paced dialogue sequences.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes the contrast between Angel's serious demeanor and the light-hearted, jovial atmosphere of the pub. This juxtaposition highlights Angel's struggle to adapt to the rural setting, which is a recurring theme in the screenplay.
  • The dialogue between Angel and the Porters is humorous and serves to introduce the quirky nature of the village. However, the humor could be enhanced by adding more specific character traits or quirks to the Porters, making them more memorable and distinct.
  • The pacing of the scene is generally good, but the transition from Angel's quiet hotel room to the lively pub could be more dynamic. Consider adding a brief moment of internal conflict for Angel as he steps into the pub, reflecting his discomfort or curiosity about the new environment.
  • The use of jump cuts to Angel's interactions with the underage drinkers is a clever technique that adds comedic timing. However, the responses from the young drinkers could be more varied to enhance the humor and showcase their personalities, rather than relying on similar one-liners.
  • The scene ends on a note of tension with Angel's insistence on enforcing the law, which is effective. However, it could benefit from a stronger emotional reaction from the Porters to emphasize the conflict between Angel's duty and the community's perspective on the law.
Suggestions
  • Consider giving the Porters more distinctive characteristics or backstory to make them more engaging and memorable for the audience.
  • Add a moment of internal reflection for Angel as he enters the pub, showcasing his feelings about the transition from city life to rural policing.
  • Vary the responses of the underage drinkers to create a more dynamic and humorous interaction, allowing each character to have a unique voice.
  • Strengthen the emotional reaction of the Porters when Angel insists on enforcing the law, perhaps by showing their disappointment or frustration, to heighten the conflict.
  • Incorporate more visual elements in the pub that reflect the village's character, such as quirky decor or local memorabilia, to enrich the setting and provide additional context for Angel's experience.



Scene 7 - A Night of Disorder in Sandford
EXT. THE CROWN - NIGHT

A grumbling group of teens stomp out of the pub.


INT. THE CROWN - NIGHT

ANGEL is sat back at the bar. The pub is now almost empty.
The PORTERS are not so cheery now.

ROY PORTER
Another cranberry juice?

ANGEL
I’m fine thank you.


EXT. THE CROWN - NIGHT
ANGEL strolls out of the pub and walks past the fountain. He
tosses a coin in and takes time to observe the plague; ’This
fountain was generously’restored with funds raised by Mr F.
Butterman, Mrs J. Cooper, Mr R. Hatcher, Miss A. Paver...’
A metallic scratching distracts ANGEL. He sees the ROTUND
DRINKER trying to put his key in the lock of an ASTRA.

ANGEL
I hope you’re not thinking of
driving that.
18.


ROTUND DRINKER
Nope.
The ROTUND ERINKER stumbles away from the car. ANGEL turns
back and notices that the plague has been vandalised with a
marker pen graffiti tag which appears to be a ’G’.

An engine revs behind ANGEL. He jumps back as the ASTRA
reverses into the fountain with a resounding crash. He
storms over to the driver’s door and hauls the ROTUNO
DRINKER out, who immediately and loudly throws up.

ANGEL
I’m taking you down the station...
Where is it?
ANGEL escorts the ROTUND DRINKER by the collar. Up ahead,
the underage drinkers pisses in the street. ANGEL coughs.

UNDERAGE DRINKER
What?


INT. SANDFOED STATION/FRONT OFFICE - NIGHT

ANGEL strides in with the ROTUND DRINKER and the UNDERAGE
DRINKER. He has also picked up three other underage
drinkers, two scuffed from brawling and one with a traffic
cone on his head. He [U+FB02]ashes his card to a cheery DESK
SERGEANT.

DESK SERGEANT
Sergeant Nicholas Angel? When did
you start?

ANGEL
Tomorrow.

DESK SERGEANT
I see you’ve already arrested the
whole village.

ANGEL
Not exactly.
The DESK SERGEANT looks to the ROTUND DRINKER and laughs.
The ROTUNE DRINKER stumbles over to a connecting door.
DESK SERGEANT
You in for the night? Four’s free.
19.

ANGEL
I need to talk to him.

DESK SERGEANT
He’ll be no use til the morning. Do
you really want to process this
lot? My pen’s running out.
ANGEL
Not a problem.
ANGEL retrieves two pens from his pocket. Cue ELASHCUTS of
detainees being processed, fingerprints taken, heights
measured; (the TRAFFIC CONE kid, unable to remove his
headgear is recorded as 8’ 2").


INT. SWAN HOTEL ROOM - NIGHT

ANGEL lies on his bed, staring at the ceiling.


INT. SWAN HOTEL ROOM - MORNING

JUMP CUT to the next morning. The bed is empty.


EXT. HIGH STREET - MORNING

ANGEL in sweats, jogs out of the hotel. In the daylight,
Sandford looks beautiful and idyllic.

JOYCE COOPER is up a ladder, watering her hanging baskets.
She greets ANGEL cheerily. He passes other early birds who
do the same; a FEMALE NEWSAGENT setting out her paper stand,
a EOOKISH WOMAN on a bicycle, a cheery VICAR, a dishy
DOCTOR.

ANGEL sees the crashed ASTRA being towed away by a removal
vehicle operated by two GRUFF LOOKING MEN. They nod to him.

MAN (O.S.)
Lock me up?

Another jogger stops by ANGEL. He has a ready smirk and a
confident air. He wears a ’SANDFORD FUN RUNNERS’ t-shirt.

ANGEL
Sorry?

MAN
I’m a slasher and I must be
stopped.
20.


ANGEL
You’re a what?
MAN
A slasher...of prices. I’m joking
of course. I’m Simon Skinner, I run
the local Super Marche.
SIMON SKINNER nods to a supermarket named SUMMRAISLES.
Pop in some time, my discounts are
criminal. Catch me later.

SKINNER accelerates into a sprint, leaving a bemused ANGEL
at the door of his hotel. ANGEL strides inside.
Genres: ["Comedy","Crime","Drama"]

Summary The scene unfolds with ANGEL, a dedicated police officer, remaining sober inside The Crown pub while his friends leave. He confronts a drunken driver, leading to a crash into a fountain, and subsequently takes the driver and several underage drinkers to the police station for processing. Despite the desk sergeant's humor about the situation, ANGEL maintains his composure. The next morning, he jogs through the picturesque village of Sandford, encountering locals, including a supermarket owner who makes a pun about being a 'slasher,' blending comedic moments with the seriousness of his duties.
Strengths
  • Humorous dialogue
  • Quirky characters
  • Effective setting establishment
Weaknesses
  • Limited emotional depth
  • Some predictable character interactions

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively sets up the protagonist's new environment, introduces key characters, and establishes the central conflict, blending humor with tension effectively.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a skilled police officer being transferred to a seemingly idyllic village and facing resistance from the locals is engaging and sets up potential conflicts and character development.

Plot: 8

The plot progresses smoothly, introducing the protagonist's new challenges and setting up conflicts with the village residents. It effectively sets the stage for future developments.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the small-town police drama genre, combining elements of comedy, mystery, and character-driven storytelling. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 7

The characters are quirky and distinct, adding humor and depth to the scene. The protagonist's interactions with the villagers and other officers reveal potential for character growth.

Character Changes: 6

The protagonist shows initial resistance to his new situation, hinting at potential character growth and development. The scene sets the stage for future changes in the protagonist's attitude and relationships.

Internal Goal: 8

Angel's internal goal in this scene is to uphold the law and maintain order in the town. This reflects his deeper need for justice and his desire to make a positive impact on the community.

External Goal: 7

Angel's external goal is to arrest the drunk driver and underage drinkers, maintaining law and order in the town. This reflects the immediate challenge he faces in dealing with unruly behavior.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The scene contains both internal and external conflicts, with the protagonist facing resistance from the villagers and his own reluctance to adapt to his new environment. The escalating tension adds depth to the narrative.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to present challenges for Angel, keeping the audience engaged in how he will handle the unruly behavior in the town.

High Stakes: 6

While the stakes are not extremely high in this scene, the conflicts and tensions introduced have the potential to impact the protagonist's future in the village. The scene sets up higher stakes for future events.

Story Forward: 8

The scene effectively moves the story forward by introducing key conflicts, characters, and themes. It sets up future plot developments and establishes the central conflict of the narrative.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected events like the drunk driver crashing into the fountain and the introduction of new characters like Simon Skinner.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between upholding the law and maintaining order versus turning a blind eye to minor offenses for the sake of convenience or leniency. This challenges Angel's beliefs in strict law enforcement and the consequences of letting small crimes slide.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

While the scene is more focused on humor and setting up conflicts, there are emotional undertones in the protagonist's interactions with the villagers and his past relationship with Janine. These elements add depth to the characters.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is witty and engaging, capturing the humor and tension of the scene. It effectively conveys the personalities of the characters and sets the tone for future interactions.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the mix of humor, drama, and suspense, keeping the audience invested in Angel's actions and the unfolding events in the town.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, moving between action sequences and character interactions at a steady pace.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to the expected format for a screenplay, with proper scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with distinct locations and character interactions, maintaining a cohesive narrative flow.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the comedic tone of the screenplay, particularly through the interactions between Angel and the drunken characters. However, the humor sometimes feels forced, especially with the ROTUND DRINKER's antics. The balance between comedy and the seriousness of Angel's role as a police officer could be refined to enhance the overall impact.
  • The transition from the pub to the police station is somewhat abrupt. While the scene does a good job of establishing Angel's character as diligent and serious about his job, the pacing could be improved to allow for a smoother flow between the comedic elements and the more serious aspects of police work.
  • The introduction of the underage drinkers and the ROTUND DRINKER adds to the chaos, but their characterization could be more distinct. Providing a bit more personality or backstory for these characters could enhance the stakes and make the scene more engaging.
  • The dialogue is generally witty, but some lines could be tightened for clarity and impact. For example, the ROTUND DRINKER's response to Angel could be more humorous or clever to better match the tone of the scene.
  • The visual descriptions are effective in setting the scene, but there could be more emphasis on Angel's internal conflict. As he navigates the absurdity of the situation, a glimpse into his thoughts could deepen the audience's connection to his character.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of reflection for Angel after he confronts the ROTUND DRINKER, showcasing his frustration or disbelief at the situation. This could provide a stronger emotional anchor for the audience.
  • Enhance the characterization of the underage drinkers and the ROTUND DRINKER by giving them distinct traits or quirks that make them memorable. This could involve a humorous exchange or a unique reaction to Angel's authority.
  • Smooth out the transition between the pub and the police station by incorporating a brief moment where Angel reflects on the absurdity of the situation as he walks to the station, perhaps with a humorous internal monologue.
  • Revise the dialogue to ensure that each character's lines contribute to the humor and the overall tone of the scene. Aim for sharper, more memorable lines that resonate with the audience.
  • Consider adding a visual gag or a comedic moment during the processing of the detainees to maintain the lighthearted tone while also showcasing Angel's dedication to his job.



Scene 8 - Welcome to Sandford: A Comedic Introduction
INT. SANDFORD FRONT OFFICE - MORNING

ANGEL strides into the station, now in full uniform. The
same DESK SERGEANT is there as before. Although he is now
sour faced and has curly hair. ANGEL is a tad confused.

ANGEL
Morning Sergeant. Have you done
something with your hair?

DESK SERGEANT
No.

ANGEL
Well, could you tell Inspector
Butterman that I’ve arrived?

DESK SERGEANT
No.

ANGEL
Why?
DESK SERGEANT
He’s not in yet.
ANGEL
I see. How’s our guest?
DESK SERGEANT
Guest?
ANGEL
The inebriate in cell four.
21.


DESK SERGEANT
I dunno. Nobody tells me nothing.
ANGEL walks over to Cell Four and looks through the
observation hatch. Panic spreads across his face.

ANGEL
Can I get cell four open?
DESK SERGEANT (O.S.)
Danny, can you open four?

ANGEL
Quickly please?
DESK SERGEANT (O.S.)
Quickly...please!

An OFFICER opens the cell. ANGEL walks in to find it empty.

ANGEL
He’s gone.

OFFICER
Oh my god? Who’s gone?

We see that the OFFICER is the ROTUND DRINKER.

ANGEL
Why are you dressed as a police
officer?

OFFICER
Because I am one?

A jovial man enters the cell in senior officer’s garb.

FRANK
Sergeant Angel, at last. I see
you’ve already met my boy.


INT. FRANK’S OFFICE - DAY
FRANK’s office is adorned with CERTIFICATES, including
’VILLAGE OF THE YEAR’ plagues, along with a POLICE a glass
case and two mounted ANTIQUE PISTOLS.

We also see a photo of a younger FRANK and DANNY dressed as
cowboys and a middle aged woman dressed as a sguaw.
22.


FRANK
Do forgive me. I’m something of a
wild west nut. Speaking of which,
that was a fair few outlaws you
rounded up last night.

ANGEL
Thank you sir.
FRANK
I admire your enthusiasm Nicholas
and far be it from me to
sti[U+FB02]e your [U+FB02]air, but
this isn’t London.
ANGEL
With respect sir, geographical
location shouldn’t factor in the
application of the law.

FRANK
But coming in all guns blaring can
sometimes exacerbate matters, you
know make things worse?

ANGEL
I’m aware of the meaning of
exacerbate, sir.

FRANK
Of course you are. Statistically,
Sandford is the safest village in
the country but that doesn’t mean
it reguires anything less than a
careful and considered approach.
There’s a reason we accommodate a
few of the younglings at the pub.
ANGEL
The greater good?

FRANK
The greater good. Precisely! Your
predecessor assumed rural policing
was easy. Ended up having a nervous
breakdown. And Sgt. Popwell was an
exceptional officer, truly
exceptional. And he had one thing
you haven’t got.
ANGEL
What’s that sir?
23.

FRANK
A great big bushy beard! Come on.
Let’s have a mosey around.


INT. STATION - DAY
FRANK shows ANGEL the locker room. DANNY lags behind.
FRANK
Locker room.

FRANK opens a door on a musty collection of riot gear.
FRANK (CONT’D)
Riot room.

A HEDGEHOG is startled by the rare intrusion. FRANK
approaches another door with a security keypad.

FRANK (CONT’D) (cont’d)
And this here’s the evidence room.
What’s the code again?

DANNY
999, Dad.

FRANK
You’d think I’d remember that.

FRANK opens the evidence locker. It’s surprisingly empty.

FRANK (CONT’ D}
Now, how about a trip to the Andes?

FRANK leads them to a door marked ’C.I.D’. Inside are two
thirty something plain clothes officers with cropped hair,
and tashes. On their small desk are two plates of cake.
FRANK
Detective Sergeant Wainwright and
Detective Constable Cartwright.
CARTWRIGHT and WAINWRIGHT stare back at ANGEL with disdain.
FRANK (CONT’D)
Don’t get up.
They leave and continue down the corridor.
FRANK
I suspect you’re wondering why we
call them the Andes.
24.


ANGEL
Because they’re both called Andrew?
FRANK
They said you were good.

DANNY
It’s also because talking te them
is a uphill struggle, innit Dad?
A wastepaper basket sails out of the Andes office and hits
Eanny on the head.
DANNY (cont’d)
Oh fuck eff?
FRANK
Thank you Danny.

A battered tin reads ’SWEARBOX’. DANNY dreps a quid in.

FRANK (O.S.)
The swearbox. All proceeds to the
restoration of the church roof.

FRANK shows ANGEL into the operations room, where uniformed
officers bunch together at oramped desks.

FRANK
And this is where it all happens-

We hear a solitary Apple start-up chime.

FRANK (cont’d)
That’s Sergeant Tony Fisher, that’s
PC Bob Walker and that is Saxon.

FISHER (40’s) reedy, fixed grin. WALKER (50’s) bald,
grizzled with a large Alsatian. All three are eating cake.

WALKER
Pleshnrertoaveyeenbordsarg.
FRANK
And this is one Doris Thatcher.

DANNY
She’s our only police woman.

ANGEL
She’s not a police woman.
25.

DANNY
She is. I’ve seen her bra.

ANGEL
She’s a police officer, being a
woman has nothing to do with it.
DORIS TRATCHER
Oh, I don’t knew. It comes in handy
every so often.
The rosy faced officer winks lewdly at a blushing ANGEL.
DORIS TRATCHER (cont’d)
I ceuld’ve given you the tour. I’ve
been round the station a few times.
The office erupts into bawdy cheers. ANGEL is keen to move
on. He points to a door marked ’N.W.A’.

ANGEL
What’s upstairs?

A little besuited man opens the door. On the table of his
tiny, folder crammed office is a plate of chocolate cake.

WEAVER
Well, well, well, I see we have
Visitors.

FRANK
Nicholas, this is Tom Weaver"

WEAVER
Civilian liaison for the
Neighbourhood Watch at your
service.

ANGEL
Good to meet you.
WEAVER
You’ll find we run a tight ship
here. Got everyone linked up with a
walkie so we can keep eaoh other
abreast of any misadventure. And
from here

WEAVER opens a connecting door to a room full of monitors.

WEAVER (cont’d)
I can see what the whole village is
up to. I must say I was rather
admiring your handiwork last night.
26.


Chuckling WEAVER cues up CCTV footage of ANGEL’s run-ins. We
also see footage of HOODIES huddled around the fountain.
WEAVER (cont’d)
Shame you couldn’t have done the
same with those bloody hoodies.
Hanging around. Loitering. Sitting.
ANGEL
I did notice some minor graffiti on
the fountain.

WEAVER
Graffiti? I knew they were up to
something! They need to be dealt
with Frank?

FRANK
They’re nippers Tom. They’ll come
round.

ANGEL
Yes, this kind of transgression
usually stems from boredom. Ever
thought about building them a skate
park? Or providing a designated
wall for a graf[U+FB02]ti mural?

WEAVER looks at ANGEL and lets out a huge guffaw.

WEAVER
Ha? That’s all we need on the team,
another bloody joker. Which reminds
me, our friend the living statue’s
back. He was there Saturday.

WEAVER [U+FB02]icks through CCTV printouts of a street
performer dressed as a STATUE. They are all identical.
WEAVER (cont’d)
Look 11am, 12pm, lunchtime, 2pm. If
we don’t come down hard on these
clowns, we’ll be up to our balls in
jugglers.
FRANK
Perish the thought.
WEAVER
I tried to move him on myself but
it cost me twenty quid in fifty
pees and took four hours.
27.


FRANK
We’ll get right onto it, Tom.
They leave. FRANK scrunches up the printouts into a hall,
and throws it to DANNY, who heads it into the bin.

FRANK (cont’d)
We like to let them think they run
the place. Now, confession to make,
bit of a problem with your office.

ANGEL
Well sir, I like to think my office
is out on the street-
FRANK
Oh, you heard about that?

He nods to office furniture sat out front of the station.

FRANK (cont’d)
Had a bit of a leak last week.

FRANK opens a door to reveal a damp, bare tiny office.

FRANK (cont’d)
I know it’s not a great start on
the welcome front. They brought the
’Village Of The Year’ forward for
some reason and everyone’s gone a
bit mad getting ready for it. We’ll
get you behind your desk as soon as
the [U+FB02]oor’s dry.

FRANK shuts the door. They move back to the main
of[U+FB02]oe.
FRANK (cont’d)
And that’s that. Unless there’s
anything you’re unclear about?

ANGEL
There is sir. Why is everyone
eating chocolate cake?
FRANK
The Black Forest Gateaux is on
Danny. As punishment for his little
indiscretion.

ANGEL
I Wouldn’t call driving under the
influence a ’little indiscretion’,
(MORE)
28.


ANGEL (cont’d)
sir. Besides, where’s the
disciplinary value if Constable
Butterman gets to partake of the
Gateaux as well? He’s having his
cake and eating it. Literally.
FRANK
(chuckles)
The gateau is for misplaoing his
helmet the other week. Last night’s
incident will require something
much more serious.
ANGEL
Good.

FRANK
Do you like ice cream?

ANGEL
I’m sorry, I don’t follow sir.

FRANK
Let’s just say we won’t be short of
Chunky Monkey for the next month.

The officers cheer. ANGEL visibly sags.

FRANK (cont’d)
Well, since it’s your hrst day and
it’s half past eleven, I’d say
that’s lunch.

Another cheer from the assembled officers.
Genres: ["Comedy","Police Procedural"]

Summary Angel arrives at the Sandford police station, seeking Inspector Butterman, but is met with confusion and a laid-back attitude from the desk sergeant. After discovering an empty cell, he is given a tour by Frank, a senior officer, who introduces him to the quirky dynamics of the station and its officers. The lighthearted atmosphere, filled with banter and cake, contrasts sharply with Angel's serious demeanor, leading to his frustration. The scene ends with Frank suggesting lunch, leaving Angel feeling overwhelmed and out of place.
Strengths
  • Humorous dialogue
  • Quirky characters
  • Establishing setting and tone
Weaknesses
  • Lack of high stakes
  • Limited emotional depth

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively establishes the setting, introduces key characters, and sets up potential conflicts and dynamics. The humor and quirky interactions keep the audience engaged and set the stage for future developments.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a skilled and serious police officer being transferred to a small, idyllic village with unconventional policing methods is intriguing and sets up potential conflicts and comedic situations.

Plot: 7

The plot focuses on introducing the protagonist to the new environment and establishing the dynamics between him and the local officers. It sets up potential conflicts and hints at future developments.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces fresh and quirky characters, presents a unique setting, and explores themes of community and law enforcement in a humorous and engaging way. The dialogue feels authentic and the interactions between characters are original and entertaining.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-defined and distinct, each with their own quirks and personalities that add depth to the scene. The interactions between the protagonist and the local officers create humor and set the stage for character development.

Character Changes: 5

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the interactions and conflicts set the stage for potential growth and development in the protagonist and other characters.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to prove himself as a capable and dedicated police officer in a new environment. This reflects his desire for recognition and acceptance in his new role.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to adapt to the rural policing environment and understand the dynamics of the village. This reflects the immediate challenge of fitting into a new community and understanding the unique policing needs of the area.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

There is a mild conflict between the protagonist's serious approach to policing and the laid-back attitude of the local officers. This conflict sets the stage for potential clashes and comedic situations.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create tension and conflict, but not overwhelming. The protagonist faces challenges and obstacles that drive the story forward and keep the audience invested in his journey.

High Stakes: 4

The stakes are relatively low in this scene, focusing more on introducing the characters and setting rather than high-intensity conflicts or dramatic events.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by introducing the protagonist to the new environment, establishing key relationships, and hinting at potential conflicts and developments. It sets the stage for future events.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected character interactions, humorous twists, and unique setting. The audience is kept on their toes and entertained by the surprising developments.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between traditional rural policing methods and the protagonist's more modern and proactive approach. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs about law enforcement and the importance of community engagement.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 5

The scene focuses more on humor and establishing the setting and characters rather than evoking strong emotional responses. However, there are hints of tension and potential conflicts that add depth to the scene.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is witty, humorous, and reveals the personalities of the characters. It sets the tone for the scene and establishes the dynamics between the protagonist and the other officers.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its witty dialogue, quirky characters, and humorous interactions. The audience is drawn into the world of the village police station and invested in the protagonist's journey.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-balanced, with a mix of dialogue, action, and character interactions that keep the story moving forward. The rhythm of the scene contributes to its effectiveness and engagement.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting. The action and dialogue are easy to follow and contribute to the scene's pacing and tone.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with well-defined character introductions, dialogue exchanges, and setting descriptions. It flows smoothly and sets up the narrative and character dynamics effectively.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes the quirky dynamics of the Sandford police station, showcasing the contrast between Angel's serious demeanor and the laid-back attitude of the other officers. However, the humor sometimes feels forced, particularly in the exchanges with the Desk Sergeant and the Officer dressed as a police officer. The dialogue could benefit from more naturalistic banter that flows more organically.
  • The introduction of Frank as a character is strong, but his dialogue could be tightened to avoid redundancy. For instance, the line about the village being the safest in the country could be more impactful if it were delivered with a bit more brevity and wit, rather than being overly explanatory.
  • The scene lacks a clear emotional arc for Angel. While we see his confusion and frustration, there isn't a strong sense of his internal conflict or growth in this moment. Adding a moment of introspection or a reaction that reveals more about his character could enhance the scene's depth.
  • The pacing feels uneven, particularly in the transition from the Desk Sergeant's interactions to Frank's office. The shift from the comedic tone to a more serious discussion about policing could be smoother, perhaps by incorporating a moment of reflection or a visual cue that signals the change in tone.
  • The humor surrounding the cake and the disciplinary actions could be more nuanced. While it adds levity, it risks undermining the seriousness of Angel's role as a police officer. Balancing the comedic elements with the gravity of his responsibilities would create a more cohesive tone.
Suggestions
  • Consider revising the dialogue to make it feel more spontaneous and less scripted. Allow characters to interrupt each other or react in ways that feel more authentic to their personalities.
  • Introduce a moment where Angel reflects on his previous experiences in London, contrasting them with the absurdity of the Sandford station. This could deepen his character and provide context for his frustrations.
  • Tighten Frank's dialogue to make it more concise. For example, instead of explaining the village's safety, he could simply say, 'We like to keep it that way,' which would imply the need for a careful approach without excessive exposition.
  • Incorporate visual elements that highlight the absurdity of the situation, such as the state of the evidence room or the antics of the officers, to enhance the comedic tone without relying solely on dialogue.
  • End the scene with a stronger hook that propels Angel into the next action or conflict. This could be a moment of realization about the challenges he faces in Sandford or a humorous incident that sets the stage for future interactions.



Scene 9 - Pints and Past Tales
INT. THE CROWN - DAY
ANGEL is sat at a pub table with the other offieers (only
he wears a stab vest). DANNY brings pints to everyone but
ANGEL, who has a cranberry juice. SAXON laps at a bowl of
lager
FISHER
Sooooo, what made you choose
Sandford Sergeant Angel?
ANGEL
It wasn’t actually my choice.
29.


FISHER
Wasn’t your choice to come down
here and show me how to do my job.
Our jobs.

WALKER
Yooceetyboisefinkdeynobettarrr.
There’s a murmur of agreement. ANGEL is a little oonfused.
ANGEL
I can assure you it wasn’t my
intention to upset the apple cart.
CARTWRIGHT
Yeah, cos we all sell apples down
here, don’t we?

DANNY
Your Dad sells apples Andy.

CARTWRIGHT
And raspberries.

WAINWRIGHT
I bet you can’t wait to jump into
Sergeant Fopwell’s grave.

WAINWRIGHT swigs Guinness, the head collects on his lip.

ANGEL
I’m not jumping in anyone’s grave.
You have a moustache.

WAINWRIGHT
I know.
CARTWRIGHT
Why’ve you got your stab vest on?

ANGEL
It’s a requirement.
FISHER
In the city maybe. No-one’s going
to stab you in here sergeant, not a
member of the public anyhow.
ANGEL
Have you ever been stabbed Sergeant
Fisher?
30.


FISHER
No.
ANGEL
I have. And I can assure you it’s
not the slightest bit amusing.

DANNY’s ears prick up, he looks to ANGEL with awe.
DANNY
Have you seen a lot of action
Sergeant Angel?
ANGEL
I’ve experienced my fair share,
yes.

WAINWRIGHT
Little bird tells me you were part
of an armed response unit.

ANGEL
What little bird would that be?

CARTWRIGHT
Andy googled you.

DORIS THATCHER
I wish someone would google me.

DANNY
Were you part of an armed response
unit?

ANGEL
Yes, for two years. grave.

DANNY
Did you cook any fools?

ANGEL
Excuse me?
DANNY
Did you shoot anybody?

CARTWRIGHT
Shot someone? He killed someone.

DANNY
No way, that’s amazing.
31.


ANGEL
It was not amazing, it was
extremely regrettable, but the
situation left me with no choice.

DANNY
Who did you shoot?
WAINWRIGHT
He shot a crack-head with a
Kalashnikov.

DANNY
Wow. Where d’you get that? .
ANGEL
The offender had the Kalashnikov.

DANNY
Wow. Where’d he get that?

WAINWRIGHT
You do know there are more guns in
the country than in the city?

CARTWRIGHT
Everyone and their mum’s packing
round here.

ANGEL
Really, like who?

CARTNRIGHT nods to a tall, ruddy, farmer at the bar.

CARTWRIGHT
Farmers.

ANGEL
Anyone else?

CARTWRIGHT
Farmer’s mums.
DANNY pulls his chair closer to the bemused ANGEL.

DANNY
What’s it like being stabbed?

ANGEL
It was the single most painful
experience of my life.
32.


DANNY
Wow. What’s the second most
painful?
Genres: ["Comedy","Crime","Drama"]

Summary In a lively pub called 'The Crown,' Angel, a serious officer in a stab vest, shares his past experiences with fellow officers who engage in playful banter. While Danny admires Angel's history in an armed response unit, Fisher challenges his authority, and Wainwright and Cartwright provide comic relief through teasing. The light-hearted atmosphere contrasts with Angel's serious demeanor, culminating in a humorous exchange about painful experiences, leaving the conversation open-ended.
Strengths
  • Humorous dialogue
  • Character interactions
  • Setting establishment
Weaknesses
  • Lack of emotional depth
  • Limited character development

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively establishes the tone and humor of the story while providing insight into Angel's character and the quirky nature of the Sandford police station.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of showcasing the contrast between Angel's serious demeanor and the lighthearted banter of his colleagues in a pub setting is engaging and sets up potential conflicts and character development.

Plot: 7

The plot progresses as Angel interacts with his new colleagues and learns more about the village's policing culture, setting up potential conflicts and challenges for him to navigate.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh take on the police procedural genre by combining humor with serious themes of violence and professionalism. The characters' dialogue feels authentic and adds depth to their personalities.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-defined through their dialogue and interactions, showcasing their personalities and relationships with Angel.

Character Changes: 4

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, it sets up potential growth and development for Angel and his relationships with his new colleagues.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to navigate the skepticism and teasing from his fellow officers while maintaining his professionalism and composure. This reflects his need for acceptance and respect in his new environment.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to integrate into the new police department and gain the trust of his colleagues. This reflects the immediate challenge of fitting in and proving his worth.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

There is a mild conflict between Angel's serious demeanor and the lighthearted banter of his colleagues, hinting at potential conflicts to come.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene comes from the skepticism and teasing of the protagonist's colleagues, creating a small obstacle for him to overcome in gaining their trust and respect.

High Stakes: 4

The stakes are relatively low in this scene, focusing more on character dynamics and setting up future conflicts.

Story Forward: 7

The scene introduces new characters, establishes the setting, and sets up potential conflicts and challenges for Angel, moving the story forward.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected shifts between humor and seriousness, as well as the revelation of the protagonist's past experiences with violence.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the protagonist's past experiences with violence and his colleagues' casual attitude towards it. This challenges the protagonist's values of professionalism and respect for the seriousness of his job.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 5

The scene is more focused on humor and character dynamics rather than emotional depth, but there are hints of tension and personal struggles.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is witty, humorous, and reveals important information about the characters and their dynamics, adding depth to the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its mix of humor, tension, and character dynamics. The dialogue is sharp and witty, keeping the audience interested in the interactions between the characters.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and humor, with a good balance between dialogue and action. The rhythm keeps the audience engaged and interested in the unfolding interactions.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting. The visual descriptions enhance the atmosphere of the pub setting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and dialogue flow smoothly, keeping the audience engaged.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes the camaraderie among the officers, showcasing their banter and light-heartedness, which contrasts with Angel's serious demeanor. This dynamic is essential for highlighting Angel's outsider status in Sandford.
  • The dialogue is humorous and captures the quirky nature of the characters, particularly with the playful exchanges about farming and firearms. However, some lines, such as 'You have a moustache,' feel a bit disjointed and could benefit from clearer context or setup to enhance their comedic impact.
  • Angel's character is well-defined as someone who takes his job seriously, but the scene could delve deeper into his internal conflict about fitting in with the laid-back culture of Sandford. This would add depth to his character and create more tension in the scene.
  • The pacing of the scene is generally good, but it could be tightened in places. For instance, the back-and-forth about the stab vest could be streamlined to maintain momentum and keep the audience engaged.
  • The introduction of the other officers is effective, but some characters, like Doris Thatcher, feel underdeveloped. Providing a bit more personality or a memorable line for each officer could enhance the ensemble feel of the scene.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment where Angel reacts internally to the banter, perhaps showing his discomfort or confusion, to emphasize his outsider status and create a stronger emotional connection with the audience.
  • Tighten the dialogue by removing or rephrasing lines that feel extraneous or unclear. For example, clarify the context of the moustache comment to ensure it lands effectively.
  • Introduce a specific incident or anecdote from Angel's past that he can share with the officers, which would not only provide insight into his character but also serve as a bonding moment with his new colleagues.
  • Incorporate physical comedy or visual gags to complement the dialogue, such as Angel's reactions to the absurdity of the officers' comments or the environment around them, enhancing the comedic tone.
  • Consider ending the scene with a stronger punchline or a moment that sets up the next scene, perhaps hinting at a challenge Angel will face in adapting to the village's policing style.



Scene 10 - A Humorous Introduction
INT. ANGEL’S OFFICE - DAY
A glum ANGEL sits at his desk. Two men manoeuvre a filing
cabinet into the office. A man appears from under his desk,
placing a phone in front of him. It rings. ANGEL answers.

FRANK (O.S.)
Everything alright?
ANGEL
Actually sir-


INT. FRANK’S OFFICE - SECONDS LATER

ANGEL
-there is something I want to talk
to you about.

FRANK
Oh yes?

ANGEL
I’m a little concerned that my
appointment here may be causing
resentment within the division.

FRANK
Oh really? So what do you suggest?


INT. STATION " SOME MORE SECONDS LATER.
ANGEL steps out of Frank’s office. He gets the attention of
the assembled officers. They stop eating their cake.

ANGEL
Excuse me everyone. If you could
put your gateau down for a sec. In
order to maximise my integration
here at Sandford, I’ve asked the
Inspector to permit me a more grass
roots introduction.
DORIS THATCHER
Root. Ha ha.
33.


ANGEL
I’m hoping that getting out on the
beat and familiarising myself with
the area in this way, might dispel
any concerns about my suitabilty.
Thank you.
There’s a vague affirmative murmur from the other officers.
ANGEL
Basically, I’d just like to be
treated like any other officer at
this station.
ANGEL turns his back. A WASTE PAPER BASKET hits him hard on
the head. The officers snigger.

ANGEL
That could have actually really
hurt someone. But... thank you.

ANGEL re-enters FRANK’s office. FRANK looks concerned.

FRANK
You sure about this?

ANGEL
Yes sir.

FRANK
Well, I suppose, we should get you
out there with someone who really
knows what’s what. And I think I
have just the man...DANNY!
Genres: ["Comedy","Drama"]

Summary In a light-hearted yet awkward scene, Angel, feeling out of place in his new role, attempts to connect with his colleagues by addressing them in a common area. Despite his earnest request for a grassroots introduction and to be treated like any other officer, he faces mockery, culminating in a waste paper basket hitting him on the head. Afterward, he discusses his concerns with Frank, who, while initially worried, ultimately supports Angel's decision to get out in the field with Danny, hinting at a potential partnership.
Strengths
  • Well-defined characters
  • Humorous dialogue
  • Engaging conflict
Weaknesses
  • Some predictable humor
  • Slight lack of emotional depth

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively introduces conflict and sets up the dynamics between Angel and the other officers, blending humor with underlying tension.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a skilled and serious officer being placed in a laid-back and unconventional police station is engaging and sets up potential for character growth and comedic situations.

Plot: 7

The plot progresses as Angel tries to integrate himself into the station, facing resistance and challenges from the other officers.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh take on the theme of integration and proving oneself in a new environment. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-defined, with Angel's seriousness contrasting with the humor and quirkiness of the other officers.

Character Changes: 6

Angel begins to adapt to the station's culture and dynamics, showing potential for growth and change in future scenes.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to integrate and prove his worth within the division, dispelling any concerns about his suitability.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to get out on the beat and familiarize himself with the area to prove his worth as an officer.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

There is a moderate level of conflict as Angel tries to assert himself and integrate into the station, facing resistance and challenges from the other officers.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the division's skepticism and the waste paper basket incident adding obstacles for the protagonist to overcome.

High Stakes: 5

While the stakes are not extremely high in this scene, the outcome of Angel's integration into the station could have significant implications for future events.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by establishing the conflict and dynamics between Angel and the other officers, setting up future developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected actions of the characters and the shifting dynamics within the division.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict is between the protagonist's desire to be treated like any other officer and the division's skepticism towards his appointment.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The scene elicits a mix of emotions, from amusement at the humor to concern for Angel's struggle to fit in.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is witty and humorous, reflecting the different personalities of the characters and setting the tone for their interactions.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the dynamic character interactions, humor, and the protagonist's journey to prove himself.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and highlighting key moments of character interaction.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and follows the expected format for its genre, making it easy to follow.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear transitions between locations and character interactions.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures Angel's struggle to integrate into the laid-back culture of the Sandford police force, highlighting the contrast between his serious demeanor and the officers' casual attitudes. However, the humor derived from the waste paper basket hitting Angel could be perceived as juvenile and may undermine the seriousness of his concerns about resentment within the division.
  • The dialogue between Angel and Frank is functional but lacks depth. While it establishes Angel's concerns, it doesn't fully explore the emotional weight of his situation. Adding more internal conflict or a backstory about why Angel is particularly sensitive to resentment could enhance the stakes.
  • The introduction of Doris Thatcher's pun about 'root' feels forced and detracts from the flow of the scene. It may be beneficial to either remove this line or replace it with a more organic interaction that reflects the camaraderie among the officers without breaking the tension.
  • The scene transitions between locations (Angel's office and Frank's office) but could benefit from clearer visual cues or descriptions to help the audience follow the movement. For instance, describing the physical space or the atmosphere in each office could enhance the setting.
  • The vague affirmative murmur from the officers lacks specificity and could be more engaging. Instead of a general response, consider giving a few officers distinct reactions that reflect their personalities, which would add depth to the ensemble and make the scene more dynamic.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment of vulnerability for Angel before he addresses the officers, perhaps showing him rehearsing his speech or reflecting on his feelings about fitting in. This could create a stronger emotional connection with the audience.
  • Enhance the humor by incorporating more clever or situational comedy that aligns with the characters' personalities. For example, have the officers respond to Angel's speech with playful banter that reveals their camaraderie while still acknowledging his concerns.
  • Revise Doris Thatcher's line to be more relevant to the context of the scene. Perhaps she could make a comment that ties into Angel's desire for grassroots integration, which would keep the focus on the theme of belonging.
  • Add a brief moment of tension after the waste paper basket incident, where Angel contemplates whether he truly belongs in this environment. This could be followed by a humorous or supportive comment from one of the officers to lighten the mood.
  • Consider ending the scene with a stronger hook that propels the story forward. Instead of simply having Frank call for Danny, perhaps include a hint of an upcoming challenge or case that Angel will face, setting the stage for his integration into the community.



Scene 11 - Village Encounters: Apples and Action Movies
EXT. HIGN STREET - DAY
A glum cap wearing ANGEL and chirpy helmet wearing DANNY,
walk the streets. Village folk greet them with ’Afternoon’.

DANNY
Have you ever fired two guns whilst
jumping through the air?

ANGEL
Afternoon. No.

DANNY
Have you ever fired one gun whilst
jumping through the air?
34.


ANGEL
Afternoon. No.
DANNY
Have you ever been in a high speed
pursuit?

ANGEL
Afternoon. Yes.
DANNY
Have you ever fired a gun whilst in
a high speed pursuit?
ANGEL
Afternoon. No.


INT. NEWSAGENT - DAY

A sign reads ’ONLY ONE SCHOOL CHILD AT ANY TIME’. ANGEL
waits as DANNY buys a pasty from a FEMALE NEWSAGENT. A
walkie talkie crackles to life on the counter.

RADIO VOICE
Annette, that new policeman is
coming into your shop.


EXT/INT. SQUAD CAR - DAY

ANGEL and DANNY sit in the parked squad car; ANGEL is on the
radio, watching with disdain as DANNY retrieves ketchup
sachets from his top pocket and squirts them onto a pasty.

ANGEL
Oscar four zero, over.
RADIO VOICE
Oscar four zero go ahead, over.

ANGEL
Just checking...


EXT. HIGH STREET - EVENING

ANGEL and DANNY walk the quiet streets again.
DANNY
What about Dirty Harry?
35.


ANGEL
Evening. No.
DANNY
Lethal Weapon.

ANGEL
Evening. No.
DANNY
You’ve seen Die Hard though?

ANGEL
Evening. No.
DANNY
Bad Boys 2?

ANGEL
Evening. No.

DANNY
You haven’t seen Bad Boys 2??


INT. LOCKER ROOM - EVENING

ANGEL and a pumped DANNY change out of their uniforms.

DANNY
Woof? Hell of a day.

ANGEL
Yep.

DANNY
Same again tomorrow?

ANGEL
Yep.

ANGEL opens his locker. Hundreds of apples tumble out.
Inside a note reads ’WELCOME SERGEANT’.
DANNY
That weren’t me.

The other officers appear, sniggering; the ANDES, FISHER and
THATCHER, who is in her bra. We hear a round of applause.
36.

INT. SWAN HOTEL FUNCTION ROOM - EVENING
The applause continues over a sign reading ’N.W.A - 7pm’.
TOM WEAVER introduces ANGEL to a large group of Village
folk, including JOYCE COOPER and the PORTERS. FRANK is also
present, as is a snoring BERNARD. WEAVER introduces the
BOOKISH CYCLIST glimpsed that morning.
WEAVER
This is Amanda Paver, headmistress
of Sandford Primary. And Simon
Skinner I believe you’ve met.
SIMON SKINNER
Oh we’re already firm friends.

SIMON SKINNER beams at ANGEL, who is a little unnerved. A
middle aged woman fusses over a [U+FB02]oral display reading
’WELCOME SERGEANT’.

WEAVER
And this is Leslie Tiller, our
local [U+FB02]oral wiz. Her
horticultural contributions have
helped put Sandford on the map. She
prepared this especially for you.

JOYCE COOPER
She’s ever so good.

WEAVER
James Reaper, who owns Brannigan
Farm.

WEAVER introduces the tall, ruddy, farmer from the bar.

REAPER
I hear you’re quite the marksman.
Perhaps you might like to join us
for a shoot one day.

ANGEL
I haven’t held a firearm for over
two years Mr. Reaper and I’m more
than happy to keep it that way.
REAPER
You will be popular with the local
birds.

A ripple of polite laughter as the group gather round and
sit at a large circular table. SKINNER stares at ANGEL,
grinning.
37.


REV. SHOOTER
Hello Nicholas. Reverend Shooter.
May I say how pleased we are to
have an Angel at our table.
(more laughter)
Actually I was hoping you might
read a homily at Sunday Service.
ANGEL
To be honest Reverend, that might
be a little hypocritical of me.

REV. SHOOTER
Oh, are we an atheist?
ANGEL
No, I’m open to the concept of
religion, I’m just not entirely
convinced.

REV. SHOOTER
You’re agnostic?

DR. HATCHER
I think I have a cream for that.

More laughter. WEAVER nods to a tweedy, bearded doctor.

WEAVER
And this is Robin Hatcher our
resident sawbones.

DR. HATCHER
Hopefully we won’t see too much of
each other over the coming months.

DR. HATCHER smiles at ANGEL. More laughter.
WEAVER
All that remains to say is, welcome
to the weekly meeting of the
Neighbourhood Watch Alliance.

READER
We’re basically a group of
volunteers who strive to keep the
village just so.
SHOOTER
We’re the community that cares.
38.


ANGEL
Well, it’s good to know we have the
support of the community.
HATCHER
Well, not the whole community.
SKINNER
We don’t let any old riff raff in.
A huge laugh. JOYCE COOPER brings the meeting to order.

JOYCE COOPER
Now, quick announcement before we
begin. Janet Barker has just given
birth to twins. Congratulations to
her, we’ll be keeping a keen eye on
them as they grow up. Tom?

WEAVER
Thanks Joyce. To business then.

WEAVER affects a deadly earnest tone of voice.

WEAVER (cont’d)
I’m sure many of you will have
noticed the return of a blight on
our streets, one which is all the
more disturbing as the ’Village Of
The Year’ contest looms. I speak of
course of the extremely irritating
Living Statue.

An image of the LIVING STATUE on an overhead projector.
There are mumbles of "irritating". ANGEL stifles a yawn.
FRANK smiles and pats him on the back.
Genres: ["Comedy","Crime","Drama"]

Summary In this comedic scene, Angel and Danny stroll through a quaint village, humorously discussing action movies and guns. After a stop at a newsagent where Danny buys a pasty, they sit in their squad car, with Danny's enthusiastic questions highlighting Angel's unfamiliarity with the genre. The scene shifts to the locker room, where Angel finds a humorous surprise of apples in his locker. They then attend a Neighbourhood Watch meeting, where villagers introduce themselves, leading to awkward yet light-hearted interactions, particularly with Simon Skinner and Reverend Shooter, as they discuss community matters, including a complaint about a Living Statue.
Strengths
  • Strong character dynamics
  • Clever humor
  • Effective dialogue
  • Unique setting
Weaknesses
  • Lack of high stakes
  • Limited plot advancement

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively balances humor and character development, while also establishing the unique dynamics of Sandford. The comedic elements are well-timed, contributing to the overall enjoyment of the scene.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of integrating a serious police officer into a quirky village setting is innovative and engaging, allowing for numerous comedic situations and character interactions.

Plot: 7

The plot progresses through Angel's interactions with the villagers, setting up the dynamics and challenges he will face in Sandford. However, it primarily focuses on character interactions rather than advancing a significant plot point.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the fish-out-of-water trope, with the protagonist navigating a quirky village setting and interacting with eccentric characters. The authenticity of the dialogue and character interactions adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-defined with distinct personalities, particularly Angel as the serious outsider and Danny as the comedic counterpart. Their interactions reveal much about their traits and the community.

Character Changes: 5

Angel's experience in the village begins to challenge his rigid views on policing, hinting at potential growth as he interacts with the community.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to navigate his new role as a sergeant in the village police force while maintaining his integrity and principles. This reflects his deeper need for authenticity and honesty in his work.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to integrate into the village community and solve the mystery of the Living Statue. This reflects the immediate challenge he faces in gaining the trust of the villagers and upholding law and order.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 4

The conflict is more situational than personal, revolving around Angel's adjustment to the village's laid-back culture rather than a direct confrontation.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing challenges in integrating into the community and solving the Living Statue mystery. The audience is kept on their toes with the unpredictable interactions.

High Stakes: 3

The stakes are low in this scene, focusing more on character dynamics than life-or-death situations, which is consistent with the overall comedic tone.

Story Forward: 6

The scene sets the stage for future interactions and conflicts, establishing the village's unique culture and Angel's role within it.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected character dynamics and humorous twists in the dialogue. The Living Statue mystery adds an element of intrigue and suspense.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between the protagonist's skepticism towards religion and the community's strong sense of faith and tradition. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs and values, as he navigates his interactions with the Reverend Shooter.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

While primarily comedic, there are moments that evoke empathy for Angel's struggle to fit in, though they are overshadowed by the humor.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is sharp and witty, contributing to the humor and character development. The banter between Angel and Danny is particularly effective in highlighting their contrasting personalities.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its witty dialogue, dynamic character interactions, and intriguing setup of the Living Statue mystery. The humor and underlying tensions keep the audience invested in the story.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a balance of dialogue-driven moments and visual descriptions. The rhythm of the interactions keeps the scene engaging and dynamic.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings and dialogue formatting. The visual descriptions enhance the atmosphere and setting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with distinct settings and character interactions, leading to a cohesive narrative progression. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the effectiveness of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the comedic dynamic between Angel and Danny, showcasing their contrasting personalities. However, the repetitive questioning about action movies could be streamlined to maintain pacing and avoid redundancy. While it establishes Danny's enthusiasm and Angel's seriousness, it risks losing the audience's engagement if it drags on too long.
  • The transition from the street to the newsagent and then to the squad car feels a bit abrupt. A smoother transition could enhance the flow of the scene. Consider adding a brief moment of reflection or interaction between Angel and Danny as they walk to the newsagent to deepen their character development.
  • The humor in the scene is generally effective, particularly with Danny's antics and the surprise of apples in Angel's locker. However, the introduction of the other officers in the locker room could be more impactful if their personalities were established earlier in the script. This would help the audience connect with them and understand their roles in the comedic dynamic.
  • The dialogue is witty and captures the essence of the characters, but some lines could be tightened for clarity and impact. For example, instead of repeating 'Afternoon' in response to every question, Angel could have a more varied response that reflects his growing frustration or bemusement with Danny's questions.
  • The introduction of the Neighbourhood Watch Alliance meeting is a strong setup for the next scene, but it could benefit from a clearer indication of Angel's feelings about the meeting. Is he excited, skeptical, or indifferent? A brief internal thought or reaction could add depth to his character and set the tone for the upcoming interactions.
Suggestions
  • Consider condensing the dialogue about action movies to focus on a few key questions that highlight the contrast between Angel's serious nature and Danny's playful enthusiasm. This will keep the scene engaging without feeling repetitive.
  • Add a brief moment of interaction or banter between Angel and Danny as they walk to the newsagent to create a smoother transition and further develop their relationship.
  • Introduce the other officers in the locker room earlier in the script or provide a quick visual cue to establish their personalities, making their later interactions with Angel more impactful.
  • Vary Angel's responses to Danny's questions to reflect his growing frustration or bemusement, which will add depth to his character and enhance the comedic effect.
  • Include a brief internal thought or reaction from Angel regarding the Neighbourhood Watch Alliance meeting to clarify his feelings and set the tone for the upcoming interactions.



Scene 12 - The Missing Swan and Misunderstood Officer
INT. SWAN HOTEL ROOM - EVENING - MONTAGE

ANGEL listens to the radio and waters his POT PLANT.

RADIO 4 ANNOUNCER (O.S.)
Newly released Home Office
statistics show crime in the
capital soaring...

Later: A dejected ANGEL is on the phone. We hear the
recorded voice of the MET SERGEANT, from the first scene.

SERGEANT (V.O.)
I’m out of the office at present.
If it’s an emergency, call 9-9-9...
39.


Later: ANGEL lies awake on his bed. His [U+FB02]oral tribute
appears almost funereal against the wall.
ANGEL (V.O.)
Police work is as much about
preventing crime as it is about
fighting crime. Most importantly it
is about procedural correctness...
ANGEL
-in the execution of unquestionable
moral authority. Any questions?
We see ANGEL is talking to a group of young school kids.
DANNY sits cross legged with them. He puts his hand up.
DANNY
Is it true if you shot a man in a
particular spot on the head, you
can make it blow up?

Later: ANGEL and DANNY talk to headmistress AMANDA PAVER. A
wiry young reporter approaches with a camera.

TIM MESSENGER
Hi, Tim Messenger. Quick snap for
the Sandford Citizen?

Later: ANGEL poses awkwardly with the schoolkids.

TIM MESSENGER (cont’d)
How about if you put the teacher in
handcuffs?

ANGEL
I’m not sure that gives off the
right signals.
TIM MESSENGER
Give the little blond kid your hat?

ANGEL looks at a sweet BLOND HAIRED BOY next to him.
ANGEL
I’d rather not.

TIM MESSENGER
Wave your hitting stick about?
ANGEL
No.
40.

INT. SWAN HOTEL DINING ROOM - MORNING
FLASH. We see the newspaper article; ’SHORT ARM OE THE LAW:
TOP COP ANGLE TELLS IT TO THE KIDS’. ANGEL circles the typo
as he sits in a vast dining room. JOYCE approaches with tea.

JOYCE COOPER
Oh, can I have your autograph
please?
ANGEL laughs it off bashfully.

JOYCE COOPER (CONT’D)
I do need your signature for
breakfast.


INT. LOCKER ROOM - MORNING

ANGEL opens his locker. It is plastered with photocopies of
the article. The ’ANGLE’ typo is underlined in red.


INT. STATION - MORNING

ANGEL makes his way to his office. Sniggering officers greet
him with ’Sergeant Angle’, including the now straight haired
DESK SERGEANT.

DESK SERGEANT
Morning Angle.

FISHER
Morning Angle.

DORIS THATCHER
Morning Angle.

WAINWRIGHT CARTWRIGHT
Morning Angle. Morning Angle.

WALKER
Murrrnangul.

ANGEL
I presume you just called me Angle.
WALKER
Arrr.

ANGEL feigns good humour but looks irritated. His phone
rings. He picks up.
41.


ANGEL
Sergeant Angel?... The swan has
escaped?...And where exactly has
the swan escaped from? And who
might you be? Mr. Staker. Mr. P. I.
Staker? Piss taker?
ANGEL looks around at his fellow officers to see who is on
the other end of the phone. He realises that no-one is.


EXT. CHURCH - DAY
ANGEL and DANNY talk to an OLD MAN IN A CAR by a moat.
ANGEL
Yes Mr. Staker, we’ll do everything
we can to get her back. Can you
describe her?

MR. STAKER
Two foot tall. Long slender neck.

ANGEL
Go on.

MR. STAKER
Orange and black bill.

ANGEL
Anything else?

MR. STAKER
She’s a swan.


EXT. PARK - DUSK
DANNY and ANGEL close in on a swan which waddles through a
park. However it evades them every time they draw near.


INT. NEWSAGENT - DAY
DANNY buys a Cornetto from a smirking ANNETTE ROPER. ANGEL
stands nearby, whilst looking elsewhere.

ANNETTE ROPER
No luck catching them swans then?
DANNY
It’s just the one swan actually.
42.


EXT. SQUAD CAR/SANDFORD SQUARE - DAY
ANGEL and DANNY sit in their usual parking space. Sandford
life drifts by. The LIVING STATUE is also present.
DANNY
You want anything from the shop?
ANGEL
You’ve just been to the shop.

DANNY
I was thinking of a different shop.
ANGEL
Constable Butterman, this is not
the time for personal errands.

DANNY
Well, there’s nothing going on.

ANGEL
There’s always something going on.
Look around you, what do you see?

DANNY
People...cars...that gold bloke...
the swan.

ANGEL
Where?

DANNY
Ha ha?

ANGEL
I’m serious. You have to look
closer. What about him in the big
coat?

ANGEL nods to an ANCIENT MAN in a heavy winter overcoat.

DANNY
Mr. Treacher?

ANGEL
Well why is Mr. Treacher wearing
that big coat? He can’t be cold.
Why the extra layer? He might be
hiding something...
43.


DANNY
But that’s Mr. Treacher.
ANGEL
Okay, what about him?

ANGEL nods over to a man in a PURPLE SHELL SUIT with his cap
pulled down low over his face.
ANGEL (cont’d)
Ask yourself why he has his hat
pulled down like that.
DANNY
He’s fuck ugly?
ANGEL
Or he doesn’t want you to see his
face.

DANNY
Because he’s fuck ugly.

Changing tack, ANGEL nods to a HULKING MAN, clad in denim.

ANGEL
Alright. Well, what’s his story?

DANNY
That’s Lurch.

ANGEL
Go on.

DANNY
He’s the trolley boy at the
supermarket.
ANGEL
Good.

DANNY
Real name, Michael Armstrong.
ANGEL
Okay.

DANNY
Dad says he’s got a child’s mind.
ANGEL
Uh huh.
44.


DANNY
Lives up Summer Street with his mum
and his sister.
ANGEL
Are they as big as him?
DANNY
Who?
ANGEL
The mum and the sister.
DANNY
Same person.
ANGEL
Which shop were you thinking of?
Genres: ["Comedy","Crime","Drama"]

Summary In a comedic montage set in the Swan Hotel and various locations in Sandford, Officer ANGEL grapples with the absurdities of his police work and the quirky community. After receiving a disappointing call from a sergeant and awkwardly interacting with a reporter, ANGEL faces ridicule from his colleagues over a misspelled newspaper article. The scene humorously escalates when he receives a call about a missing swan, leading to amusing interactions with local residents, including an autograph-seeking fan and an eccentric old man. Throughout, ANGEL's dedication is tested by the absurdity surrounding him, particularly as he and his enthusiastic partner DANNY navigate the peculiarities of their small town.
Strengths
  • Strong character dynamics
  • Humorous dialogue
  • Engaging interactions
Weaknesses
  • Lack of high stakes
  • Some scenes may feel repetitive or slow-paced

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively blends humor, character dynamics, and plot development, keeping the audience engaged and setting up future conflicts and relationships.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a dedicated city cop being transferred to a quaint village with eccentric officers and unique cases is intriguing and sets the stage for both comedic and dramatic moments.

Plot: 7

The plot progresses as Angel navigates his new environment, encounters quirky characters, and deals with a seemingly trivial case of a missing swan, setting up potential conflicts and character growth.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh take on the police procedural genre by infusing it with humor and quirky character interactions. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters, especially Angel and Danny, are well-defined with distinct personalities and engaging interactions that drive the scene forward and provide comedic relief.

Character Changes: 7

Angel's character undergoes a subtle shift as he starts to adapt to the village life and the unique challenges it presents, setting the stage for potential growth and development.

Internal Goal: 8

Angel's internal goal in this scene is to maintain his professional reputation and integrity in the face of public scrutiny and mockery. This reflects his deeper need for validation and respect as a dedicated police officer.

External Goal: 7

Angel's external goal is to find and capture the escaped swan, which serves as a minor challenge in his otherwise routine day. This goal reflects the immediate circumstances he is facing as a police officer in a small town.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

The conflict mainly stems from the differences in approach between Angel and the Sandford officers, setting up potential conflicts and challenges for the characters to overcome.

Opposition: 6

The opposition in the scene is mild, with minor challenges and obstacles that add humor and tension to the protagonist's day. The audience is left wondering how Angel will handle these situations.

High Stakes: 4

While the stakes are not particularly high in this scene, the introduction of Angel to a new environment and the potential for conflicts and mysteries to unfold hint at higher stakes to come.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by introducing key characters, establishing relationships, and setting up future conflicts and challenges for Angel to face in Sandford.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in dialogue and character interactions. The audience is kept on their toes by the humorous and surprising moments.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the protagonist's commitment to upholding moral authority and procedural correctness in policing, contrasted with the town's lighthearted and sometimes mocking attitude towards law enforcement. This challenges Angel's beliefs and values as a dedicated officer.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 5

While the scene is more focused on humor and character dynamics, there are subtle emotional undertones, especially in Angel's adjustment to his new surroundings and the interactions with the quirky villagers.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is witty, humorous, and reveals the characters' personalities and relationships effectively, adding depth to the scene and setting the tone for future interactions.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its mix of humor, character dynamics, and subtle tension. The interactions between Angel and the other characters keep the audience invested in the story.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a good balance between dialogue-driven interactions and action sequences. The rhythm of the scene contributes to its effectiveness in conveying the story.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with proper scene headings, dialogue formatting, and action descriptions. The formatting enhances the readability and flow of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear transitions between different locations and interactions. The pacing and rhythm contribute to its effectiveness.


Critique
  • The montage format of the scene effectively conveys Angel's growing frustration and sense of isolation in his new environment. However, the transitions between moments could be smoother to maintain a cohesive flow. The abrupt shifts from radio announcements to phone calls and interactions with children may disorient the audience.
  • The humor in the scene is present but feels somewhat forced at times, particularly in the interactions with Tim Messenger. While the dialogue aims for comedic effect, it may benefit from more natural exchanges that reflect the characters' personalities and the absurdity of the situation without feeling overly scripted.
  • Angel's character is well-established as serious and dedicated, but the contrast with the light-heartedness of the village could be emphasized more. The scene could explore Angel's internal conflict more deeply, showcasing his struggle to adapt to the village's laid-back approach to policing.
  • The use of the newspaper article as a plot device is clever, but the typo ('ANGLE' instead of 'ANGEL') could be more impactful if it were tied into the narrative more explicitly. Perhaps it could serve as a catalyst for Angel's frustration or a humorous moment that he reacts to more strongly.
  • The dialogue with the school kids is amusing, but it could be enhanced by giving Angel a more pronounced reaction to their questions. His serious demeanor juxtaposed with the children's innocent curiosity could create more comedic tension.
Suggestions
  • Consider refining the montage transitions to create a more fluid narrative. Use visual or auditory cues to link the different moments together, enhancing the overall coherence of the scene.
  • Incorporate more organic humor by allowing characters to react naturally to the absurdity of their situations. This could involve improvisational dialogue or unexpected responses that feel true to their personalities.
  • Deepen Angel's internal conflict by including brief moments of reflection or frustration that highlight his struggle to fit into the village's culture. This could be done through voiceover or visual cues that show his emotional state.
  • Make the typo in the newspaper article a more significant plot point by having Angel confront it directly, perhaps leading to a humorous exchange with his colleagues that highlights his frustration with their lack of professionalism.
  • Enhance the interactions with the school kids by allowing Angel to engage more with their questions, showcasing his struggle to maintain authority while dealing with their innocent curiosity. This could lead to more comedic moments and character development.



Scene 13 - Suspicion in Aisle Five
INT. SUMMERAISLES - DAY

As DANNY delves in a video bargain bin full of action films,
ANGEL loiters in organic produce. He spots two GRUFF LOOKING
BUTCHERS behind a meat counter. They nod ’hello’.

FEMALE VOICE (TANNOY)
Sergeant Angel to the manager’s
ofifice. Managers ofifice. Sergeant
Angel.


INT. MANAGERS OFFICE - DAY

ANGEL strides into an office where SIMON SKINNER reads the
’Top Cop’ story in the SANDFORD CITIZEN. A slutty CHECKOUT
GIRL lounges beside him. One wall is lined with sketches of
a drive thru supermarket, the other with security monitors.
A ’fun running’ trophy sits conspicuously on the shelf.

SKINNER
Ah, Sergeant Angel. Or is it Angle?
CHECKOUT GIRL
Mr. Skinner, a baby’s sicked up in
aisle six.

SKINNER
Please excuse me. Michael?
The now uniformed LURCH lumbers past the doorway.
45.


LURCH
Yarp.
SKINNER
Child vomit. Aisle six. Mop it up.

LURCH
Yarp.
ANGEL
Is there a problem, Mr Skinner?

SKINNER
No, I just wanted to say how lovely
it is to see you supporting your
local store.

ANGEL
That’s quite alright.

SKINNER
All too many have defected to the
big Safeway in Buford Abbey and may
their heads be struck from their
shoulders for such disloyalty.

ANGEL
Yes, well if you’d excuse me, Mr.
Skinner I am on duty.

SKINNER
Of course, I simply spied you
loitering in organic produce and
assumed you had time on your hands.

ANGEL
Well maybe there’s someone else you
should be keeping an eye on.
SKINNER turns to leak at the CCTV. On one screen we see a
small, well dressed man climbing out of a Range Rover.
SKINNER
That’s the Fridge Magnate.
ANGEL
The Fridge Magnet?
SKINNER
Name’s George Merchant. Made a
fortune in kitchen goods. Built
that monstrosity on Norris Avenue.
He’ll validate his parking with a
(MORE)
46.

SKINNER (cont’d)
paltry Snickers and scurry off to
his solicitor’s office all
afternoon. I swear I’ll have the
boys tow him away.
ANGEL
Actually I wasn’t talking about
him.

SKINNER
Oh?
ANGEL
I was talking about him.

ANGEL paints to a different screen. We see a SHOPPER rather
obviously stuffing biscuits into his trousers.

SKINNER
Ah.

ANGEL
Excuse me.
Genres: ["Comedy","Crime","Action"]

Summary In a bustling supermarket, Danny searches for action films while Angel is called to the manager's office by Simon Skinner, who discusses customer loyalty and points out a suspicious shopper on CCTV. Skinner's condescending attitude clashes with Angel's professionalism as they observe the chaotic environment, highlighted by a checkout girl reporting a mess. The tension builds as Angel remains focused on his duties, ultimately deciding to investigate a shopper stuffing biscuits into his trousers.
Strengths
  • Humorous dialogue
  • Quirky character interactions
  • Introduction of potential conflicts
Weaknesses
  • Minimal emotional depth
  • Limited character development

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively blends humor, character dynamics, and introduces a potential conflict, keeping the audience engaged and entertained.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a serious police officer navigating the eccentricities of a small village police force is engaging and sets up potential conflicts and comedic situations.

Plot: 7

The plot introduces a potential conflict with a local businessman and sets up the dynamics of the village police force, moving the story forward.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the small-town cop genre by blending elements of comedy, mystery, and social commentary. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and grounded in the specific setting of Sandford.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-defined and their interactions add humor and depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 5

There is minimal character change in this scene, as the focus is more on introducing the characters and setting up potential conflicts.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to maintain his professionalism and dedication to his job, despite the distractions and provocations from the antagonist. This reflects his deeper need for justice and order in the town.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to investigate suspicious behavior in the supermarket and potentially catch a criminal in the act. This reflects the immediate challenge he faces in maintaining law and order in the town.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

There is a potential conflict introduced with the local businessman, adding tension to the scene.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the antagonist challenging the protagonist's values and professionalism, creating conflict and obstacles for the protagonist to overcome.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes are relatively low in this scene, focusing more on humor and character interactions.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing new elements, potential conflicts, and setting up the dynamics of the village police force.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in the dialogue and character motivations, keeping the audience on their toes and unsure of the outcome.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between loyalty to the community and the temptation of personal gain or convenience. The antagonist represents the values of consumerism and disloyalty, while the protagonist upholds the values of community and justice.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 5

The scene focuses more on humor and light-hearted interactions rather than emotional depth.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is witty, sarcastic, and humorous, capturing the unique personalities of the characters and driving the scene forward.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the witty dialogue, dynamic character interactions, and the escalating tension between the protagonist and antagonist.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and suspense, with a balance of dialogue, action, and character moments that keep the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with proper scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting that enhances readability and clarity.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear character introductions, conflict development, and a cliffhanger ending that sets up the next plot point.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes the quirky atmosphere of Sandford through the interactions between Angel, Skinner, and the checkout girl. However, the humor could be enhanced by adding more specific comedic details or reactions from Angel that highlight his discomfort in this absurd environment.
  • The dialogue between Angel and Skinner is witty, but it could benefit from a clearer conflict or tension. Currently, it feels somewhat one-sided, with Skinner dominating the conversation. Introducing a more assertive response from Angel could create a more dynamic exchange.
  • The introduction of the 'Fridge Magnate' character is amusing, but the transition to the shoplifter feels abrupt. A smoother segue or additional context about why Angel is suddenly focused on the shoplifter could enhance the flow of the scene.
  • The visual elements, such as the contrasting settings of the organic produce section and the manager's office, are effective in showcasing the differences in Angel's character and the village's culture. However, more descriptive language could be used to paint a vivid picture of the environment and the characters' expressions.
  • The scene ends on a strong note with Angel's decision to confront the shoplifter, but it could be more impactful if there was a moment of hesitation or internal conflict for Angel before he takes action. This would add depth to his character and heighten the stakes.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment where Angel reacts to the absurdity of the situation, perhaps through an internal monologue or a facial expression, to enhance the comedic tone.
  • Introduce a more pronounced conflict between Angel and Skinner, perhaps by having Skinner challenge Angel's authority or question his methods, prompting a more assertive response from Angel.
  • Provide a clearer transition between the conversation about George Merchant and the shoplifter, possibly by having Angel express concern about the shoplifting issue before noticing the CCTV footage.
  • Enhance the visual descriptions of the setting and characters to create a more immersive experience for the audience, focusing on the contrasts between Angel's serious demeanor and the lightheartedness of the supermarket environment.
  • Add a moment of hesitation for Angel before he decides to confront the shoplifter, showcasing his internal struggle with the absurdity of the situation and his commitment to his duties as a police officer.



Scene 14 - The Great Supermarket Chase
INT. SUMMERAISLES - DAY

ANGEL strides straight up to the shopper. It is THE MAN IN
THE PURPLE SHELL SUIT from the square.

ANGEL
Excuse me.

The SHOPLIFTER freezes for a moment. Then scarpers.

DANNY reads the cover of Jackie Chan’s SUPERCOP when ANGEL
explodes into life, chasing the SHOPLIFTER down the aisle.
He throws the video back in the bin and fellows suit.


EXT. SUPERMARKET/HIGH STREET - DAY
The SHOPLIFTER bursts onto the street with ANGEL in hot
pursuit. The usual friendly greetings from folk are bestowed
on ANGEL as he sprints by. It sounds surreal.

They race past shopkeepers, who report into their radios.
They also pass the LIVING STATUE. He doesn’t budge.

The SHOPLIFTER avoids being hit by REAPER’s 4x4. ANGEL
vaults ever the bonnet. The shoplifter runs into an alley.
ANGEL fellows, but comes to a stop at the alley entrance.
47.


ANGEL
Oh, you mothers.
Several YOUNG MOTHERS with push chairs clog up the alley.
DANNY catches up with ANGEL. He’s very out of breath.

ANGEL (cont’d)
Let’s cut through here.
DANNY
Through the gardens?

ANGEL
What’s the matter? You never taken
a short cut before?
ANGEL leaps over a garden fence, then the next one, then the
next. It’s an amazing acrobatic feat. DANNY gasps and
follows ANGEL, but trips and crashes through the fence.

ANGEL lands back in the alley, when suddenly he spots-

The SWAN. Waddling past the mouth of the alley. ANGEL is
torn for a split second, then resumes the SHOPLIFTER chase.

ANGEL runs into the HOODIES, spraying a graffiti tag reading
’G’ on a wall. Upon seeing ANGEL, the HOODIES immediately
scatter like roaches, dropping their spray cans on the
[U+FB02]oor.

ANGEL scoops up the spray can and hurls it through the air.
It hits the SHOPLIFTER on the head. He crashes to the
[U+FB02]oor hard. ANGEL picks the SHOPLIFTER up. DANNY
approaches.

ANGEL (cont’d)
You do not have to say anything,
but it may harm your defence if you
do not mention when questioned
something which you later rely on
in court. Anything you do say may
be given in evidence.
SHOPLIFTER
Alright Danny.

DANNY
Alright Pete.

ANGEL
Do you know this man?
48.


DANNY
Yeah, he’s Auntie Jackie’s sister’s
brother’s boy.
ANGEL
And it didn’t occur to you to
mention this before?
DANNY
I couldn’t see his face could I?
I’m not made of eyes!
Genres: ["Action","Comedy"]

Summary Angel confronts a shoplifter in a supermarket, leading to a chaotic chase through the streets. As Angel showcases his acrobatic skills, Danny struggles to keep up, providing comic relief. The shoplifter escapes into an alley but is blocked by young mothers. In a dramatic turn, Angel throws a spray can, hitting the shoplifter and successfully apprehending him. The chase reveals a surprising familial connection between the shoplifter and Danny, adding complexity to the situation.
Strengths
  • Fast-paced action sequences
  • Humorous dialogue
  • Unique setting
Weaknesses
  • Limited emotional depth
  • Minimal character development

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively blends action and comedy, keeping the audience engaged with its fast-paced and humorous tone.


Story Content

Concept: 7

The concept of a high-energy pursuit in a quaint village setting is innovative and entertaining.

Plot: 8

The plot revolves around Angel chasing a shoplifter, leading to comedic and action-packed moments that drive the story forward.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces fresh elements such as living statues, hoodies, and quirky dialogue that add authenticity and originality to the characters' actions and dialogue.


Character Development

Characters: 7

The characters, especially Angel and Danny, showcase their dynamic and humorous interactions, adding depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 5

There is minimal character development in this scene, with the focus primarily on the action and comedy.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to catch the shoplifter and uphold the law, reflecting his need for justice and order in his life.

External Goal: 9

The protagonist's external goal is to apprehend the shoplifter and solve the crime, reflecting the immediate challenge he faces in maintaining law and order in the town.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict between Angel and the shoplifter, as well as the obstacles they face during the pursuit, heightens the tension in the scene.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with obstacles and challenges that test the protagonist's resolve and add suspense to the chase.

High Stakes: 7

The high stakes of catching the shoplifter and maintaining law and order in the village add tension and urgency to the scene.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward by introducing new challenges and showcasing Angel's policing skills in a unique setting.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected interactions between characters, sudden twists in the chase, and humorous moments that keep the audience guessing.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

There is a philosophical conflict between upholding the law and personal relationships, as seen in Danny's connection to the shoplifter and Angel's dedication to his duty.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 5

While the scene focuses more on humor and action, there are moments of tension and excitement that evoke some emotional response.

Dialogue: 8

The witty and humorous dialogue enhances the comedic elements of the scene, creating entertaining exchanges between characters.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its fast-paced action, witty dialogue, and quirky characters that keep the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining a fast tempo, building tension, and keeping the audience engaged in the chase.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings, action lines, and character dialogue that enhance readability.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution that drive the narrative forward.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the comedic tone established throughout the screenplay, particularly through the absurdity of the chase and the interactions between Angel and Danny. However, the pacing could be improved; the transition from the supermarket to the street feels abrupt, and a brief moment of reflection or dialogue could enhance the flow.
  • Angel's character is well-defined as serious and dedicated, contrasting with Danny's more laid-back demeanor. However, Danny's character could benefit from more depth in this scene. His reactions to the chase could be more varied to showcase his personality beyond just being out of breath.
  • The dialogue is humorous and fits the characters, but it could be tightened. For instance, the exchange about knowing the shoplifter feels a bit drawn out and could be more concise to maintain the scene's momentum.
  • The visual elements, such as Angel's acrobatics and the surreal greetings from locals, are engaging. However, the description of the chase could be more vivid to enhance the reader's experience. Adding sensory details, like sounds or smells, could immerse the audience further in the scene.
  • The introduction of the swan as a distraction is a clever comedic touch, but it feels slightly underutilized. It could be integrated more seamlessly into the chase, perhaps by having Angel momentarily distracted by the swan before realizing he needs to continue the pursuit.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of dialogue or a humorous observation from Danny as they transition from the supermarket to the street to smooth out the pacing.
  • Enhance Danny's character by giving him a more varied reaction during the chase, perhaps showing his excitement or fear in a more exaggerated manner.
  • Tighten the dialogue between Angel and the shoplifter to keep the pace brisk and maintain the comedic rhythm of the scene.
  • Incorporate more sensory details during the chase to create a richer atmosphere, such as the sounds of the bustling street or the smell of food from nearby shops.
  • Utilize the swan more effectively in the chase, perhaps by having it momentarily block Angel's path or cause a humorous distraction that adds to the chaos of the pursuit.



Scene 15 - A Biscuit Heist and a Speeding Solicitor
INT. CUSTODY SUITE - DAY
We see FLASHCUTS of PETER COCKER being processed; mugshot,
prints. ANGEL fills out arrest paperwork. FISHER ambles
over.

SGT. FISHER
Impressive collar. Shame Mr Skinner
doesn’t want to press charges.

ANGEL
What do you mean he doesn’t want to
press charges??

SIMON SKINNER (O.S.)
I’m simply suggesting Peter be
given a second chance-

ANGEL turns to see SKINNER distributing the stolen biscuits
to officers, including a curly-haired DESK SERGEANT.

SKINNER
-before he becomes just another
crime statistic. I’m sure he’s
learnt a valuable lesson.

FISHER
Stealing biscuits is...wrong?

SKINNER
(offers Fisher a biscuit)
Correct.

FISHER
Ooh thanks.
ANGEL
And yet we respond by not taking a
single punitive measure?
49.


SKINNER
That’s the way the cookie crumbles.
FISHER
Heh heh. Like biscuits innit?

ANGEL
Mr. Skinner-
FRANK (O.S.}
Everything alright?

ANGEL turns to see FRANK at the doorway, eating ice cream.
ANGEL
Mr. Skinner feels it would be best
if we didn’t prosecute an
individual who has blatantly
committed an offence.

FRANK
Leave this with me boys. I’ll make
sure everyone gets their just
desserts.


INT/EXT. SQUAD CAR IN LAYBY - DAY

ANGEL sits with a speed gun recording passing cars, DANNY
has his feet up and is eating some of the stolen biscuits.
Behind is a sign reading ’YOU ARE NOW LEAVING SANDFORD’.

ANGEL
27. Why are we on traffic?

DANNY
Dad’s probably giving us a rest
after all that jumping over fences.
ANGEL
I don’t need a rest.

DANNY
There’s an amazing bit in ’Point
Break’ where they jump over fences.

ANGEL
Is there now? 28.
DANNY
Yeah, Patrick Swayze’s robbed this
bank and Keanu Reeves chases him
through people’s gardens and then
(MORE)
50.


DANNY (cont’d)
Keanu lands really badly and breaks
his leg off and he’s like
’aaaargh’-

ANGEL
30.
DANNY
"and then he goes to shoot Swayze,
but he can’t cause he loves him so
much and he fires up in the air and
he’s going ’aaaargh’-.
ANGEL
30.

DANNY
Have you ever fired your gun up in
the air and gone ’aaaarh’.

ANGEL
No, Constable I have never fired my
gun up in the air and gone
’aaaargh’. 30.

DANNY
Sorry, I just feel... I just feel
like I’m missing out sometimes. I
want to do what you do.

ANGEL
You do, do what I do. What on Earth
do you think you’re missing out on?

DANNY
I don’t know. Gun fights. Car
chases. Proper action and shit .

ANGEL
Proper policing isn’t about
action... or shit.
DANNY
Yeah but you got to fire a gun. How
come we don’t all have guns?

ANGEL
Arming the entire British Police
Service would not necessarily lower
the rate of crime. Guns aren’t toys
Constable. Opening fire on another
human being is a difficult and
(MORE)
51.


ANGEL (cont’d)
dizzying experience. 29. If you’d
paid attention to me in school,
you’d know it’s not all about guns
fights and car chases.

A MEGANE speeds past them. DANNY and ANGEL exchange a look.
ANGEL (CONT’D}
Fire up the roof.

DANNY
Yeah?...Where is it?
ANGEL [U+FB02]icks the siren on. They peel out at speed. The
MEGANE pulls over, ending the chase before it begins.

DANNY (cont’d)
That was brilliant.

They walk over to the MEGANE. The smartly dressed DRIVER
winds down his window. ANGEL can see a NERVOUS YOUNG WOMAN
in the passenger seat. The DRIVER hands over his license.

BLOWER
Was I going a tad fast, officer?

ANGEL
Yes, you were Mr. Blower.

ANGEL starts speedily scribbling in his notebook.

BLOWER
We’re staging a homage to Baz
Luhrmann’s, William Shakespeare’s
Romeo and Juliet tonight and I’m a
little late for the dress
rehearsal. I’m playing the
eponymous hero you see. Romeo not
Juliet.
(nervous chuckle)
What are you writing?

ANGEL
Everything you say so I can refer
to it later.

BLOWER
Now officer, I am a respected
solicitor, there’s no need to-
ANGEL continues to write. DANNY watches this with interest.
52.


BLOWER (CONT’D}
Stop writing. I was merely trying
to explain why I might have
exceeded the speed limit-

ANGEL
You’re playing the male lead in a
production of Bar Luhrmann’s,
William Shakespeare’s Romeo and
Juliet and you’re late for the
dress rehearsal. You think this is
sufficient reason to travel at 48
in a 30 zone?
BLOWER
Well, I-

ANGEL
To [U+FB02]out laws put in place to
save lives.

BLOWER
This is preposterous.

ANGEL
...pre-post-er-ous.

BLOWER
I’ve never been...stop writing?

ANGEL
...St-op wri-ting.

BLOWER
Look...you’re right, I apologise.

ANGEL hands him a ticket.
ANGEL
Payable in fourteen days.

ANGEL and DANNY get back into their CAR.
ANGEL (cont’d)
You see what I did there?

DANNY
You hypnotised him.
ANGEL waves his pocket book in DANNY’s face.
53.

ANGEL
I used this? The most important
piece of police hardware. This has
saved my skin on many occasions.
Think about using yours more often.

DANNY
I do use mine.
DANNY produces his pocketbook. ANGEL [U+FB02]ips through the
pages. We see a [U+FB02]ick-illustration of cops shooting
someone dead with red ink for blood. ANGEL shakes his head.
ANGEL
This is just extraordinary.
DANNY
Wait til you see the one on the
other side.
Genres: ["Comedy","Action","Crime"]

Summary In a custody suite, Peter Cocker is processed for stealing biscuits, defended by Simon Skinner who advocates for leniency. Angel, frustrated by the lack of consequences, contrasts with Skinner's humorous approach. Later, in a squad car, Angel and Danny engage in a traffic stop where Angel issues a ticket to a speeding solicitor, Blower, despite his excuses, highlighting Angel's commitment to proper policing amidst the comedic chaos.
Strengths
  • Witty dialogue
  • Character development
  • Humorous tone
Weaknesses
  • Lack of emotional depth
  • Limited character growth

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively blends humor, action, and character development, keeping the audience engaged and entertained. The witty dialogue and comedic elements add depth to the story while moving the plot forward.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a by-the-book police officer navigating a quirky village with unconventional policing methods is engaging and sets up potential conflicts and character growth. The scene introduces the clash between traditional and modern policing approaches, setting the stage for future developments.

Plot: 7

The plot progresses as Angel and Danny encounter a shoplifter, leading to a humorous confrontation. The scene also explores the dynamics within the police force and sets up potential conflicts and challenges for the characters.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces unique situations such as a solicitor speeding to a dress rehearsal for a play, adding authenticity and humor to the characters' actions and dialogue.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The scene effectively develops the characters of Angel, Danny, and other officers through their interactions and dialogue. Each character's personality shines through, adding depth and humor to the scene.

Character Changes: 6

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, it sets up potential growth and development for Angel as he navigates the challenges of policing in a quirky village. The interactions with Danny and other officers hint at future character arcs.

Internal Goal: 8

Angel's internal goal is to uphold his values of proper policing and integrity in the face of his colleague's desire for action and excitement.

External Goal: 7

Angel's external goal is to enforce the law and maintain order in the town of Sandford.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict between Angel's by-the-book approach and Skinner's leniency towards a criminal adds tension and humor to the scene. The clash of ideologies within the police force sets up potential conflicts and challenges for the characters.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create tension and conflict, adding depth to the characters' interactions.

High Stakes: 6

While the stakes are not extremely high in this scene, the clash between traditional and modern policing methods sets up potential conflicts and challenges for the characters. The consequences of leniency towards criminals and the importance of following the law are subtly highlighted.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing a new conflict, developing character relationships, and setting up future challenges for the characters. The encounter with the shoplifter and the clash of policing ideologies add depth to the narrative.

Unpredictability: 7

The scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected situations and character reactions, keeping the audience engaged.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between Angel's belief in proper policing and Danny's desire for action and excitement. This challenges Angel's values and forces him to defend his approach to law enforcement.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 5

The scene focuses more on humor and character dynamics rather than emotional depth. However, there are moments of tension and sarcasm that add a layer of complexity to the characters' interactions.

Dialogue: 8

The witty and sarcastic dialogue enhances the humor and tone of the scene, providing insight into the characters' personalities and relationships. The banter between Angel and Danny adds a comedic element to the serious situation.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its witty dialogue, humorous interactions, and character dynamics.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by balancing humor, action, and character development.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with proper scene headings and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 9

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear scene transitions and character interactions.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the comedic tone established throughout the screenplay, particularly through the interactions between Angel, Danny, and Skinner. The humor derived from the absurdity of the situation—processing a shoplifter for biscuits—highlights the contrast between Angel's serious approach to policing and the village's laid-back attitude.
  • Angel's frustration with the lack of punitive measures is well articulated, showcasing his dedication to his role as a police officer. However, the dialogue could benefit from more depth to emphasize the stakes involved in the situation. While the humor is present, the scene could explore Angel's internal conflict more thoroughly, perhaps by including a moment of reflection on the implications of Skinner's leniency.
  • The dialogue between Angel and Danny in the squad car is entertaining and showcases their dynamic, but it risks becoming repetitive. Danny's obsession with action movies is a recurring theme, and while it adds humor, it could be streamlined to maintain pacing and avoid redundancy. The dialogue could also be tightened to enhance the comedic timing.
  • The introduction of Blower, the solicitor, adds another layer of humor, but his character could be fleshed out further. Providing a brief backstory or motivation for his speeding could enhance the scene's depth and make the audience more invested in the outcome of the traffic stop.
  • The scene transitions smoothly between the custody suite and the squad car, maintaining a good flow. However, the pacing could be improved by varying the rhythm of the dialogue and actions. For instance, incorporating pauses or reactions from Angel and Danny could heighten the comedic effect and allow the audience to absorb the humor more effectively.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment where Angel reflects on the absurdity of the situation, perhaps through a brief internal monologue or a humorous aside to Danny, to deepen his character and highlight his frustration.
  • Streamline Danny's dialogue about action movies to avoid redundancy and maintain pacing. Focus on one or two key references that resonate with Angel's character and the overall theme.
  • Flesh out Blower's character by providing a quick backstory or motivation for his speeding, which could add depth to the scene and make the audience more engaged.
  • Incorporate pauses or reactions from Angel and Danny during their dialogue to enhance comedic timing and allow the audience to fully appreciate the humor.
  • Explore the implications of Skinner's leniency on policing in Sandford more deeply, perhaps through a brief exchange that highlights the potential consequences of such an approach.



Scene 16 - The Unwanted Invitation
INT. LOCKER ROOM/FRONT DESK - EVENING

ANGEL and DANNY stride out of the station in their civvies.

DANNY
What are you up to tonight?

ANGEL
I have to water my peace lily.

DANNY
Oh okay.

ANGEL
Why?

DANNY
I just thought you might want to do
something.

ANGEL
What exactly were you thinking?
DANNY
Pub?

ANGEL
I don’t think that’s a good idea,
do you?
ANGEL glares at DANNY. The now straight haired DESK SERGEANT
calls after him.
54.


DESK SERGEANT
Oi, you two. A Mr. Blower left you
tickets for Romeo and Juliet
tonight. Said it was by way of an
apology.

DANNY
Yeah?
ANGEL
Well, we can’t accept gifts from
someone we’ve of[U+FB02]cially
rebuked.
DANNY
Yeah.

ANGEL calmly rips up both tickets in front of a deflated
DANNY. ANGEL makes to leave again, just as FRANK enters.

FRANK
Ah Nicholas. Glad I caught you.
Wondered if you wouldn’t mind
representing us at the am dram
tonight. I’m otherwise engaged and
it’d be good to have a show of
faith from the constabulary.

ANGEL
Of course, sir.

FRANK
And there’s a spare for Danny too.

DANNY
Yeah?

INT. AUDITORIUM - LATER

ANGEL’s expression is one of abject horror, Danny is asleep.
On stage, BLOWER in cod Bar Luhrmann, Romeo gear, complete
with suit of armour, [U+FB02]oppy fringe and revolver, leans
over EVE DRAPERS’s Juliet, who lies in state on a prop
alter. He uncaps a large bottle of poison, marked with a
skull and cross bones and holds it aloft.

BLOWER (ROMEO)
A dateless bargain to engrossing
death. Here’s to my love.
55.


He drinks the poison, just as JULIET awakes with an
exaggerated yawn. ROMEO and JULIET look at each other in
horror.
EVE DRAPER (JULIET)
Poison? Drunk all and not one drop
to help me after? I’ll kiss thy
lips. Happly some poison doth yet
hang on them.
They kiss. With tongues. It goes on far too long. ROMEO goes
limp. JULIET picks up his gun and shoots herself with a
click. The stage goes to black.
The lights come up again to reveal the whole cast performing
a ’Knees Up Mother Brown’ version of The Cardigan’s ’Love
Fool’.

The audience applaud. A relieved ANGEL joins in, DANNY wakes
up. On stage the cast take their bows. LESLIE TILLER walks
on stage with a bouquet of [U+FB02]owers.

JOYCE COOPER
(from behind Angel)
She’s ever so good.


INT. THEATRE BAR - LATER

In the packed bar, DANNY downs a pint and ANGEL downs a
cranberry juice. A beaming TIM MESSENGER sidles over.

MESSENGER
Sergeant Angel, quick word for the
Sandford Citizen?

ANGEL
It was very...enjoyable.
MESSENGER
"Cop Enjoys Watching Young Lovers?"
ANGEL
I don’t think so.
MESSENGER
"Local Bobby Gives Thumbs Up To
Teen Suicide?"

ANGEL
That’s grossly inappropriate.
56.


SKINNER
You will spell his name correctly
this time, won’t you Timothy?
SKINNER swoops in and leads ANGEL away from MESSENGER.

SKINNER (cont’d)
Absolute tosh wasn’t it?
Annoyingly, the understudies are
actually professional actors. Greg
was an extra in Straw Dogs and
Sheree portrayed a cadaver in Prime
Suspect-
SKINNER nods to an OLDER COURLE who wave back at him. A
still made up MARTIN BLOWER and his FEMALE LEAD rush over.

BLOWER
Sergeant Angel, you came? I am so
thrilled you accepted my
invitation.

ANGEL
Our Inspector requested we attend.

DANNY
Yes, we can’t accept gifts from
someone we’ve officially rebuked
so...
(blows raspberry)
...jog on.

ANGEL
Well, congratulations anyway to you
and Mrs. Blower.
BLOWER
Oh, this isn’t my wife.
SKINNER
Yes, where is Edna, Martin?
BLOWER
She’s at home with the dogs. This
is Miss Draper, my leading lady.

SKINNER
Isn’t she just? Eve works for the
council, Sergeant. Quite the lady
in the know.

EVE DRAPER snorts an alarmingly high pitched laugh.
57.


EVE
Oh I am not.
SKINNER
Nonsense. I’m sure if we bashed
your head in, all sorts of secrets
would come tumbling out.
EVE lets out another snort. GEORGE MERCHANT approaches.
MERCHANT
Romeo, Romeo, a pint of bitter for
Romeo?
BLOWER
Yes please George and thank you for
coming!

MERCHANT
A pleasure my liege.

ANGEL spots the BLONDE SCHOOLKID from his school talk, in
the other room, sipping Coke and staring at him.

DANNY
Eve’s nice ain’t she?

ANGEL
She has a... distinctive laugh.

DANNY
She was in my year at school.
Always had a thing for her.

ANGEL
Well, she obviously has a thing for
older men.
DANNY
What with Blower?! No way!

ANGEL
We just sat through three hours of
so-called acting tonight Constable,
their kiss was the only convincing
moment in it.

DANNY
Now you mention it, I too have
reason to believe she favours the
older gent.
58.


ANGEL
Really? How so?
DANNY
Marcus Carter’s big brother said he
fingered her up the duck pond.

ANGEL spits out his cranberry juice.
Genres: ["Comedy","Drama"]

Summary Angel and Danny leave the police station, where Angel declines a night out to care for his peace lily. They receive tickets to a play from Mr. Blower, which Angel angrily tears up. Frank insists Angel attend the amateur dramatics event, dragging Danny along. At the play, Angel is horrified by the performance while Danny dozes off. The scene shifts to the theatre bar, where they encounter Blower and his leading lady, Eve Draper, leading to humorous exchanges about relationships and culminating in a comedic moment when Angel spits out his drink at Danny's crude comment about Eve.
Strengths
  • Humorous dialogue
  • Character interactions
  • Awkward humor
Weaknesses
  • Lack of intense conflict
  • Limited character development

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively blends humor with awkwardness, providing a comedic relief while also highlighting the contrast between Angel's serious demeanor and the absurdity of the am dram performance.


Story Content

Concept: 7

The concept of Angel being forced to attend a community theater performance as a show of faith is unique and adds a layer of humor to the scene.

Plot: 7

The plot revolves around Angel's discomfort at the am dram performance and his interactions with the eccentric characters, adding depth to his character.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the classic Romeo and Juliet story by incorporating amateur dramatics and comedic elements. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters, especially Angel and Danny, are well-developed and their interactions showcase their personalities effectively.

Character Changes: 5

While there is no significant character change in this scene, it does provide insights into Angel's personality and his ability to adapt to challenging situations.

Internal Goal: 8

Angel's internal goal is to maintain professionalism and integrity in the face of awkward situations and unwanted attention. This reflects his need for respect and adherence to his moral code.

External Goal: 7

Angel's external goal is to represent the police force at the amateur dramatics event and maintain a good relationship with the community. This reflects the immediate challenge of balancing his duty with personal discomfort.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 5

The conflict in the scene is more internal, focusing on Angel's discomfort and the clash between his professional duties and personal preferences.

Opposition: 6

The opposition in the scene is mild, with Angel facing social discomfort and unwanted attention, but not significant obstacles.

High Stakes: 4

The stakes in the scene are relatively low, focusing more on character dynamics and humor rather than intense conflict or high-risk situations.

Story Forward: 6

The scene moves the story forward by showcasing Angel's integration into the community and his willingness to participate in local events.

Unpredictability: 7

The scene is unpredictable in its humor and character interactions, keeping the audience on their toes.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict is between Angel's sense of duty and propriety and the town's casual attitude towards social norms and boundaries. This challenges Angel's beliefs in professionalism and respect.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The scene elicits a mix of amusement and discomfort, creating an emotional impact through humor and awkwardness.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is witty, sarcastic, and humorous, capturing the awkwardness of the situation and the characters' personalities.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to the witty dialogue, comedic elements, and character dynamics. The interactions between characters keep the audience interested.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining a good balance between dialogue and action, keeping the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with well-defined character interactions and progression of events. It maintains a good pace and rhythm.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the comedic tone of the screenplay, showcasing the absurdity of Angel's situation and his interactions with Danny and other characters. However, the humor sometimes feels forced, particularly in the dialogue exchanges. For instance, Angel's serious demeanor contrasts sharply with Danny's lightheartedness, which can create a disjointed feel if not balanced properly.
  • The introduction of the tickets from Mr. Blower serves as a plot device to transition Angel and Danny into the theater setting, but the motivation behind Angel's refusal could be more clearly articulated. His strict adherence to police protocol is established, yet the emotional stakes of this decision could be heightened to enhance character depth.
  • The transition from the locker room to the auditorium is somewhat abrupt. While the shift in setting is clear, the emotional journey of the characters could be better conveyed. For example, a brief moment of reflection from Angel about his reluctance to attend the play could add depth to his character and set the stage for the ensuing comedic chaos.
  • The portrayal of the amateur dramatics performance is humorous and aligns well with the overall tone of the script. However, the dialogue during the performance could be tightened to enhance comedic timing. The lengthy kiss between Romeo and Juliet, while funny, could be trimmed to maintain pacing and keep the audience engaged.
  • The interactions in the theater bar are lively and contribute to character development, particularly with the introduction of Tim Messenger and Simon Skinner. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext or layered meanings to elevate the humor and provide insight into the characters' relationships.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment where Angel reflects on his decision to refuse the tickets, perhaps revealing his internal conflict about accepting gifts from someone he has rebuked. This could deepen his character and make his motivations clearer.
  • Tighten the dialogue during the amateur performance to enhance comedic timing. Focus on the most impactful lines and actions to keep the audience engaged and laughing.
  • Incorporate more physical comedy or visual gags during the theater scene to complement the dialogue. This could include Angel's reactions to the absurdity of the performance or Danny's antics while he is asleep.
  • Explore the dynamics between Angel and Danny further, perhaps by having Danny express more curiosity about Angel's personal life or his reasons for avoiding social activities. This could lead to more humorous exchanges and character development.
  • Consider using the reactions of the audience in the theater as a way to reflect the absurdity of the performance and Angel's discomfort. This could add another layer of humor and enhance the overall comedic effect.



Scene 17 - A Night of Celebration Turns Deadly
EXT. SANDFORD PLAYHOUSE - NIGHT

Theatregoers spill out onto the street as BLOWER closes up.
BLOWER
Officers, again let me extend my
sincere apologies for earlier.

ANGEL
Good night Mr. Blower. Drive safe.

ANGEL and DANNY turn away and walk home. DANNY chuckles.

DANNY
"Drive safe". You got him then.
(pause)
You know that’s the bloke we done
for speeding earlier.

ANGEL
I know and hopefully that’s the
last we’ll see of him.

ANGEL smiles. Be and DANNY walk off, revealing-

A FIGURE swathed in a BLACK CLOAK. We cannot see its face.
It darts into the alley behind the Playhouse building!
In FLASHCUTS we see an axe blade glint...a door pane
smash...a gloved hand finds the door handle...


INT. DRESSING ROOM - CONTINUOUS
MARTIN BLOWER rips the foil from a bottle of champagne.
There’s a knock at the door. BLOWER coos back.

BLOWER
Who is it?

The door opens...It’s EVE DRAPER...BLOWER grins...
59.

BLOWER (cont’d)
We haven’t got long.

EVE grins...A champagne cork pops...Bubbly foams...
EVE
To us?
There’s another knock at the door. BLOWER shouts, worried.

BLOWER
Who is it?
BLOWER INCHES THE DOOR 0PEN...AN AXE SMASHES DOWN INTO
BLOWER’S NECK...THE CHAMPAGNE DROPS...EVE SCREAMS...


INT. SWAN HOTEL BEDROOM - EARLY MORNING

A call button [U+FB02]ashes red in the darkness...ANGEL picks
up.

ANGEL
Decaffeinated?


EXT. LAYBY - MORNING

TWO DECAPITATED HEADS lie surrounded by pieces of metal.

FISHER
Little Brian Libby found them, out
on his paper round. He’ll be having
nightmares for a while.

FISHER addresses ANGEL, DANNY, THATCHER and WALKER. Behind
is a blood splattered ’YOU ARE NOW LEAVING SANDFORD’ sign.

FISHER (cont’d)
Must have hit the sign at some
speed. Took the whole top off.
DORIS THATCHER
I’ve had my top off in this layby.

FISHER points to where BLOWER’s MEGANE has come to a violent
stop. The top half of the car has been shaved off.
FISHER
Most likely lost control, left the
road here and ended up there...
Soooo, what do you think we should
do? Sergeant Angel?
60.


ANGEL
We should cordon off the area,
screen the remains from public view
and close off the road until the
ambulance arrives, whereupon we
should open a single lane of
traffic to ease congestion.
FISHER
Very good. What he said.

FLASHCUTS; a cordon unfurled, tents erected, cones set out.
ANGEL and DANNY wave on the morning traffic past the crash
site. JAMES REAPER leans out of his 4X4.
REAPER
What’s happened Danny?

DANNY
Car accident.

REAPER
Nasty way to go.

ANGEL WAINWRIGHT
Constable, official Vocab states
such incidents are now referred to
as ’collisions’, not ’car
accidents’ -

A RED MG slows to a stop. SKINNER leans out of the window.

SKINNER
For never was there a story of more
woe. Than this of Juliet and her
Romeo.
ANGEL
I’m sorry?

SKINNER
Martin and Eve. Such a tragedy.
SKINNER goes to pull off. ANGEL stands in front of his ear.

ANGEL
Mr Skinner, could you tell me how
you knew the identity of the
persons involved?
61.


SKINNER
Of course. When I didn’t get my
Citizen delivered this morning, I
rang Annette Roper to enquire after
young Brian. You know how it is,
news travels fast.
SKINNER pulls away fast. ANGEL watches his MG go and makes a
note of the personalised numberplate ’SS1’. Behind AMANDA
PAVER pulls up on her bicycle and talks to DANNY.

AMANDA PAVER
What’s happened, Danny?
DANNY
A traffic collision...Why can’t we
say ’accident’ again?

ANGEL
Because ’accident’ implies there’s
no one to blame.
Genres: ["Mystery","Thriller","Comedy"]

Summary The scene opens outside the Sandford Playhouse at night, where Officer Angel and Danny encounter Martin Blower, who apologizes for a past speeding incident. As they leave, a cloaked figure lurks in the shadows, foreshadowing danger. Inside, Blower shares a celebratory moment with Eve Draper, which is violently interrupted when an axe is plunged into his neck, causing chaos. The next morning, Angel and his team investigate a horrific car crash that has left two decapitated heads and a mangled vehicle, leading to serious discussions about the incident and the nature of accidents, while the community expresses concern.
Strengths
  • Sharp dialogue
  • Suspenseful atmosphere
  • Dark humor
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue may be too subtle for all viewers to catch
  • Character development could be more pronounced in this scene

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively blends suspense, humor, and character development, keeping the audience engaged and setting up a compelling mystery. The dark undertones add depth to the story and create a sense of anticipation.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a seemingly routine investigation turning into a dark and suspenseful mystery is well-executed. The scene introduces high stakes and sets up a compelling narrative that keeps the audience guessing.

Plot: 8

The plot is engaging and well-paced, with a series of events leading to a shocking revelation. The scene effectively builds tension and sets up future conflicts, driving the story forward.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a murder mystery in a small town setting, blending elements of dark comedy and suspense in a fresh and engaging way. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and add to the overall originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 7

The characters are well-developed and their interactions add depth to the scene. Angel's determination and Danny's humor create a dynamic duo that drives the narrative forward.

Character Changes: 6

While there are subtle shifts in the characters' dynamics, the scene focuses more on setting up future conflicts and mysteries rather than significant character development.

Internal Goal: 8

Angel's internal goal is to maintain order and safety in the town while also dealing with personal demons and past traumas.

External Goal: 7

Angel's external goal is to solve the murder mystery and bring the killer to justice.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The scene is filled with conflict, both internal and external, driving the narrative forward and keeping the audience engaged. The high stakes and unexpected twists add to the tension.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the murder mystery and conflicting character motivations adding layers of complexity and tension.

High Stakes: 8

The high stakes, unexpected twists, and dark undertones of the scene create a sense of urgency and anticipation, keeping the audience on the edge of their seats.

Story Forward: 9

The scene effectively moves the story forward, introducing new conflicts, mysteries, and character dynamics that set the stage for future developments.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable due to the sudden violence and unexpected twists, keeping the audience on their toes.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict revolves around the idea of justice and morality in a small town setting, where personal relationships and loyalties may complicate the pursuit of truth and justice.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from suspense to humor, keeping the audience emotionally invested in the characters and the unfolding mystery.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is sharp, witty, and adds depth to the characters. It effectively conveys the tension, humor, and mystery of the scene, keeping the audience engaged.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its mix of humor, suspense, and mystery, keeping the audience hooked and eager to see what happens next.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, balancing moments of tension with lighter moments of humor, creating a dynamic and engaging rhythm.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows standard screenplay formatting conventions, making it easy to read and understand.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with a setup, conflict, and resolution, effectively building tension and setting up future plot developments.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension with the juxtaposition of the light-hearted conversation between Angel and Danny and the impending horror of the axe murder. However, the transition from the comedic tone to the violent act could be smoother. The abrupt shift may leave the audience feeling disoriented rather than shocked.
  • The use of flashcuts to foreshadow the violence is a strong visual choice, but it could benefit from more context or subtlety. The audience might appreciate a more gradual build-up to the reveal of the cloaked figure, enhancing the suspense.
  • The dialogue between Angel and Danny is humorous and relatable, but it could be tightened to maintain the pacing. Some lines feel a bit too expository, particularly when Angel explains the identity of Blower. This could be shown rather than told, allowing the audience to infer the connection.
  • The introduction of the murder scene with Blower feels somewhat rushed. While the shock value is present, the emotional impact could be heightened by spending a moment longer on Blower's celebration with Eve before the violence occurs. This would create a stronger contrast between the joy of the moment and the horror that follows.
  • The scene ends with a strong visual of the decapitated heads, but the dialogue that follows feels a bit disconnected from the emotional weight of the previous events. The humor in Fisher's line about Brian Libby could undermine the gravity of the situation. Balancing humor with the seriousness of the crime is crucial to maintain the tone.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of tension or unease before the axe murder, perhaps through subtle visual cues or sounds that hint at danger, to enhance the suspense.
  • Revise the dialogue to make it more concise and impactful, focusing on character interactions that reveal their personalities without excessive exposition.
  • Spend a few more beats on Blower and Eve's interaction before the murder to establish a stronger emotional connection with the audience, making the subsequent violence more shocking.
  • Reassess the balance of humor in the aftermath of the murder. While humor can be effective, ensure it does not detract from the seriousness of the crime and its impact on the characters involved.
  • Explore the possibility of using more atmospheric descriptions in the dressing room scene to heighten the tension before the axe attack, creating a more immersive experience for the audience.



Scene 18 - Dismissed Theories and New Assignments
INT. STATION/C.I.D. OFFICE - DAY

WAINWRIGHT
What about him? Oh, put a sock in
it town mouse!

CARTWRIGHT
Yeah, you want to be a big cop in a
small town, bugger off up the model
village.

The ANDES sit in their office eating ice-cream. DANNY enters
with another bowl, which ANGEL declines.

ANGEL
I’m just saying, things aren’t
always simple as they look.

WAINWRIGHT
But most times they are. Let’s wait
until Er. Hatchet comes back with
something, before you go jumping
the Kalashnikov.

ANGEL
Well, in the meantime, why not
start by checking out some of
Martin Blower’s clients?
62.


WAINWRIGHT
Martin Blower represents damn near
most of the village. You want us to
go through the whole phone book?

CARTWRIGHT
Yeah, we’ll put a call into Aaron
A. Aarronson shall we?
ANGEL
Please don’t be childish. At least
think about interviewing the widow?
Mr Blower was clearly having
an affair with Eve Draper.
WAINWRIGHT
And how did you establish that?

DANNY slams his [U+FB02]st on the table. ANGEL jumps.

DANNY
We sat through three hours of
so-called acting last night. The
kiss was the only convincing moment
in it.

DANNY [U+FB02]ashes a grin at a bemused ANGEL.

WAINWRIGHT
Alright, pipe down.

CARTWRIGHT
Yeah, what else you got, Tango and
Hutch?

ANGEL
Simon Skinner.
WAINWRIGHT
What about him?

ANGEL
He was acting suspiciously at the
collision scene.
CARTWRIGHT
He runs the local supermarket.
WAINWRIGHT
Anything else?
63.


ANGEL
Skid marks.
WAINWRIGHT
Now who’s being childish?

ANGEL
There were no skid marks at the
scene. Don’t you think it’s a
little strange that Mr. Blower
would lose control of the car and
not think to apply his brakes?
For the [U+FB02]rst time, the ANDES do not have an answer.
ANGEL (cont’d)
If there are no skid marks it
follows that for three hundred
yards the driver and the passenger
made no attempt to prevent their
fate. You don’t have to be a
detective to work that out.

DANNY
Yeah!

FRANK pops into the office. He’s also eating ice cream.

FRANK
You causing trouble?

ANGEL
I was talking to the ’detectives’
about the ’accident’.

DANNY
’Yeah’.
FRANK
Dreadful business. You free?

WAINWRIGHT & CARTWRIGHT
Yes they are.
FRANK
Good. Got a spot of bother up at
Ellroy Farm. Old Arthur Webley’s
been clipping hedgerows that don’t
belong to him.
ANGEL
Yes sir?
64.

FRANK
That’s it.
ANGEL
Yes sir.

WAINWRIGHT
You wanted grass roots.
Genres: ["Crime","Comedy","Mystery"]

Summary In the C.I.D. office, detectives Wainwright and Cartwright engage in light-hearted banter, dismissing Angel's serious concerns about a suspicious accident involving Simon Skinner. Angel, supported by Danny, insists on investigating further due to the absence of skid marks, suggesting foul play. Their discussion is interrupted by Frank, who assigns them a trivial task at Ellroy Farm, diverting their attention from the ongoing investigation.
Strengths
  • Sharp dialogue
  • Engaging character dynamics
  • Blend of humor and suspense
Weaknesses
  • Lack of emotional depth
  • Limited character development in this scene

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively blends humor with suspense, keeping the audience engaged and entertained. The dialogue is sharp and witty, adding depth to the investigation while maintaining a lighthearted tone.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of investigating a potential murder case in a small town setting is intriguing, especially when combined with the comedic elements and character dynamics. The use of ice cream as a motif adds a unique touch to the scene.

Plot: 7

The plot revolves around investigating the suspicious circumstances of a car crash, with the characters delving into potential motives and suspects. The introduction of Simon Skinner as a suspicious figure adds depth to the investigation.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh take on the detective genre by blending humor with mystery elements, creating a unique and entertaining story. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and add depth to the plot.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed and each brings a unique personality to the scene. Angel is determined and observant, Danny is enthusiastic and supportive, and the Andes provide a comedic foil to Angel's seriousness.

Character Changes: 6

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the interactions between the characters reveal more about their personalities and motivations. Angel's determination and observational skills are highlighted, while Danny's enthusiasm and loyalty shine through.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to prove his worth as a detective and gain the respect of his colleagues. This reflects his deeper desire for recognition and validation in his profession.

External Goal: 7.5

The protagonist's external goal is to solve a mysterious accident case and uncover the truth behind the suspicious behavior of certain individuals in the town. This reflects the immediate challenge he faces in his role as a detective.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

There is a high level of conflict in the scene as the characters debate potential suspects and motives in the murder case. The tension between Angel's serious approach and the Andes' more laid-back attitude creates conflict and humor.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting viewpoints among the characters and obstacles that challenge the protagonist's investigation. The audience is left unsure of how the situation will resolve, adding tension and suspense to the scene.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are high in the scene as the characters investigate a potential murder case with multiple suspects and motives. The revelation of infidelity and suspicious behavior raises the tension and urgency of the investigation.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing new suspects and motives in the murder investigation. The discovery of potential infidelity and suspicious behavior adds layers to the case, driving the plot towards a resolution.

Unpredictability: 7.5

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in the investigation, the humorous banter between characters, and the surprising revelations about the case. The audience is kept on their toes and eager to see what happens next.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the protagonist's belief in thorough investigation and attention to detail, contrasting with his colleagues' more casual approach to solving cases. This challenges his values of professionalism and dedication to his job.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The scene focuses more on humor and intrigue than emotional depth, but there are moments of tension and surprise that engage the audience. The revelation of potential infidelity and suspicious behavior adds emotional weight to the investigation.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is witty, sharp, and engaging, driving the scene forward while revealing the dynamics between the characters. The banter between Angel, Danny, and the Andes adds humor and depth to the investigation.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its witty dialogue, dynamic character interactions, and intriguing mystery elements. The audience is drawn into the story and invested in the protagonist's journey to solve the case.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by balancing dialogue-heavy moments with action sequences, creating a dynamic and engaging rhythm. The scene flows smoothly and keeps the audience interested in the unfolding events.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with proper scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting. The clarity of the formatting enhances the readability of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear character introductions, conflict development, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness in building tension and engaging the audience.


Critique
  • The dialogue in this scene effectively captures the banter and camaraderie among the characters, particularly the Andes, which adds a comedic tone. However, the humor sometimes feels forced, especially with lines like 'put a sock in it town mouse!' which may come off as overly cartoonish. This could detract from the seriousness of the investigation.
  • Angel's character is portrayed as the serious, no-nonsense officer, which contrasts well with the more laid-back Andes. However, the scene could benefit from deeper exploration of Angel's frustration with the Andes' dismissive attitude. This could be achieved through more internal conflict or a stronger emotional response from Angel.
  • The scene introduces a critical plot point regarding the investigation into Martin Blower's death, but it lacks a sense of urgency. The Andes' casual demeanor undermines the gravity of the situation. Adding stakes or a ticking clock element could heighten tension and engage the audience more effectively.
  • The transition from the Andes' banter to the serious discussion about the investigation feels abrupt. A smoother transition could help maintain the flow of the scene. For instance, Angel could react more strongly to the Andes' jokes before pivoting to the investigation, emphasizing his frustration.
  • Danny's line about the kiss being the only convincing moment in the play is humorous but could be more impactful if it tied back to the investigation. Perhaps he could suggest that the kiss indicates deeper connections between characters, reinforcing Angel's suspicions about the affair.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment where Angel visibly expresses his frustration with the Andes' lack of seriousness. This could be a physical reaction or a more pointed comment that underscores the stakes of the investigation.
  • Introduce a subplot or a ticking clock element that emphasizes the urgency of the investigation. For example, mention a deadline for gathering evidence or a potential suspect that could escape if they don't act quickly.
  • Enhance the transition between the comedic banter and the serious investigation by incorporating a moment where the Andes' humor is interrupted by a new piece of evidence or a sudden realization from Angel.
  • Explore the dynamics between Angel and Danny further. Perhaps Danny could show more support for Angel's theories, creating a stronger partnership dynamic that contrasts with the Andes' dismissive attitude.
  • Revise some of the Andes' dialogue to maintain humor while ensuring it doesn't undermine the seriousness of the investigation. Aim for a balance that keeps the tone light without losing the gravity of the situation.



Scene 19 - Misunderstandings and Mayhem
INT. SQUAD CAR - DAY

DANNY drives a pissed off ANGEL up a dirt road. P.C. BOB
WALKER is in the back. SAXON drools on ANGELS shoulder.
ANGEL
Why do We used the dog?

DANNY
It’s not the dog we need.


EXT. FARMHQUSE - DAY

A White haired Did farmer, ARTHUR WEBLEY stands at his door
with a shotgun broken over his arm.

WEBLEY
Hedgizuhedgeinnit. loonlychopped
etdowwnoozicoutn’tseethe View
nomore. Wasshemoaninabout?

ANGEL
Right.
(to Danny and Walker)
What did he say?

PC WALKER
Eessad. A hedgeisahedge innit. Nee
onlychoppedet dowwn cozee cun’t see
t’voo nomore. Whas he moanin’
about?

ANGEL
Right.
(to Danny)
What did he say?
DANNY
He said a hedge is a hedge. He only
chopped it down because it spoilt
his view. What’s Reaper moaning
about?
65.


ANGEL
Right. That’s not the point Mr.
Webley.
WEBLEY
Whystoyalwaspiokinawnmeanywaiz.
Iznotthewanrunninabowtallhowersofthenight.
Themhloodyoods.
PC WALKER
Eesad. Why you pickin onhem. Ees
nart the wan runnnin abowt all
hours like them bloody hoods.
ANGEL
Them bloody who?

DANNY
Hoods.

ANGEL
What does he mean by that?

DANNY
Probably them kids.

ANGEL
Mr. Webley, I appreciate your
position but you can’t go around
cutting down other people’s hedges
without permission.

WEBLEY
Yarghspose.

PC WALKER
’Yargh he suppose’.
DANNY
’Yeah I suppose’.

ANGEL
Thank you .

DANNY/WALKER/WEBLEY
S’alroight.

ANGEL
(points at shotgun)
Oh and Mr. Webley, I trust you have
a license for that?
66.


WEBLEY
Oharrghldozfortheesun.
PC WALKER
’Idoes for theesun’.

DANNY
He does for this one.
ANGEL
What do you mean by ’this one’?

ANGEL and DANNY peer in as WEBLEY opens the door to a huge
outbuilding. The daylight illuminates...an enormous arsenal
of antique firearms; RIFLES, SHOTGUNS, PISTOLS,
BLUNDERBUSSES. It’s a museum of firepower.

DANNY
By the power of Grey Skull!

ANGEL
Where on Earth did you get these?

WEBLEY DANNY
Foundum. Found ’em.

ANGEL (cont’d)
And what is that?

ANGEL points to an enormous spiky sphere in the corner.

DANNY WEBLEY
Sea mine. Seemoine.

ANGEL (cont’d)
Well Mr. Webley, this is an
extremely dangerous collection.
It’s a wonder nobody’s been hurt
before.
WEBLEY
Naaarrrgh. Iss jussaloodajunk.

WEBLEY strikes the SEA MINE with his walking stick. ANGEL
and DANNY’s faces go white. There is a resounding clang...
67.
Genres: ["Comedy","Action","Mystery"]

Summary Danny drives Angel and PC Walker to confront farmer Arthur Webley, who is upset about local kids cutting down hedges. The conversation is filled with humorous misunderstandings due to thick accents, as Angel tries to explain the legality of the situation. They stumble upon Webley's collection of antique firearms and a sea mine, leading to a tense moment when Webley accidentally strikes the mine with his walking stick, leaving the officers in shock.
Strengths
  • Witty dialogue
  • Character interactions
  • Surprising discovery
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development
  • Minimal emotional depth

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively blends humor, suspense, and character development, keeping the audience engaged and entertained.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of discovering a hidden arsenal adds intrigue and sets up potential conflicts and plot developments.

Plot: 7

The plot advances as Angel and Danny investigate the farmer's collection, adding depth to the story and setting up future conflicts.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces unique elements such as the antique firearms and sea mine, adding a fresh twist to the rural setting. The characters' dialogue feels authentic and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Angel, Danny, and Mr. Webley are well-developed and their interactions are entertaining and revealing.

Character Changes: 5

There is minimal character change in this scene, but it sets up potential growth for Angel and Danny in future developments.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to maintain order and safety in the community while also understanding the motivations of the farmer, Mr. Webley. This reflects the protagonist's desire for justice and a sense of responsibility.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to address the issue of Mr. Webley cutting down hedges without permission and to ensure the safety of the community from the potential danger of the antique firearms and sea mine.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

There is a mild conflict between Angel and Mr. Webley regarding the firearms collection, adding tension to the scene.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Mr. Webley's actions challenging the protagonist's authority and beliefs. The audience is left unsure of how the conflict will be resolved.

High Stakes: 6

While the discovery of the arsenal adds some stakes to the scene, the overall risk level is moderate.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing a new element (the arsenal) and setting up future plot points.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable due to the introduction of the sea mine and the unexpected reveal of Mr. Webley's arsenal of firearms. The audience is kept on their toes.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the balance between personal property rights and community safety. Mr. Webley's actions challenge the protagonist's beliefs about property ownership and responsibility.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The scene elicits a mix of emotions, from amusement to concern, keeping the audience engaged.

Dialogue: 8

The witty and humorous dialogue enhances the scene, showcasing the personalities of the characters and driving the narrative forward.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its blend of humor, tension, and unexpected plot developments. The interactions between the characters keep the audience invested in the story.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a good balance of dialogue and action to maintain tension and momentum.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to standard screenplay conventions, making it easy to follow the action and dialogue.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a traditional structure for a dialogue-driven sequence, with clear character motivations and conflict resolution.


Critique
  • The dialogue in this scene effectively captures the comedic misunderstandings that arise from the thick accents and rural dialects, which adds a layer of humor. However, the heavy reliance on phonetic spelling can make it challenging for readers to follow along. While it adds authenticity, it may detract from the clarity of the dialogue.
  • The character of Arthur Webley is introduced with a strong visual cue (the shotgun), which sets the tone for his character as a grumpy farmer. However, his motivations and background could be fleshed out more to provide depth. Why is he so protective of his hedge? A brief backstory could enhance the audience's understanding of his character.
  • The scene's pacing is somewhat uneven. The back-and-forth dialogue between Angel, Danny, and Walker is humorous but can feel repetitive. Streamlining some of the exchanges could maintain the comedic rhythm without losing the essence of the misunderstandings.
  • The introduction of the antique firearms collection is a strong visual moment that raises the stakes. However, the transition from the hedge dispute to the discovery of the arsenal feels abrupt. A smoother segue could enhance the flow of the scene and build anticipation for the reveal.
  • The climax of the scene, where Webley strikes the sea mine, is a great comedic moment that effectively uses visual humor. However, it could benefit from a stronger setup. Perhaps foreshadowing the danger of the sea mine earlier in the scene would heighten the tension and make the punchline more impactful.
Suggestions
  • Consider simplifying the phonetic dialogue to ensure clarity while still maintaining the humor of the accents. This could involve using standard spelling for key phrases while retaining the essence of the dialect.
  • Add a line or two of backstory for Webley to provide context for his actions and personality. This could be a humorous remark about his past experiences with the hedge or the kids causing trouble.
  • Streamline the dialogue exchanges to avoid repetition. For example, instead of repeating 'What did he say?' multiple times, consider varying the phrasing or cutting some lines to keep the pace brisk.
  • Create a more gradual transition from the hedge discussion to the firearms reveal. Perhaps include a line where Webley mentions his collection before they enter the outbuilding, building curiosity.
  • Foreshadow the danger of the sea mine earlier in the scene, perhaps by having Angel express concern about the collection or by having Danny make a joke about it. This would enhance the comedic payoff when the mine is struck.



Scene 20 - A Day of Discovery and Revelry
EXT. FARM - DAY
ANGEL, DANNY and WEELEY come bursting out of the shed. They
run in heroic slow motion towards a nearby hedge. All three
dive over the hedge and land with an enormous crunch.

Seconds pass...Nothing...ANGEL and DANNY stand. They peer
over the hedge. More seconds pass... Nothing.


INT/EXT. SQUAD CAR/FARM - DAY

ANGEL is sat in the squad car on the radio. Behind, WEBLEY
and DANNY stand with the sea mine.
ANGEL
Apparently it’s deactivated.

WEBLEY
(hits the seamine)
Thassroit. Deeaaktiyaded.

ANGEL
Yes, it’s not live.

DANNY
(kicks seamine)
Looks live.


INT. STATION - DAY

FLASHCUTS; ANGEL and DANNY march in with armfuls of guns,
the curly haired DESK SERGEANT tags them, the evidence room
is filled (with the SEA MINE is stored on a high shelf}.

ANGEL
That was a quite an impressive haul
today, Constable Butterman.
DANNY
Maybe we should do something to
celebrate...unless you have to
water your Peace Lily.
ANGEL
What are you thinking exactly?
68.


INT. THE CROWN " NIGHT
The pub is heaving with a huge cross section of people;
Neighbourhood Watch, off duty police, even FRANK.
MARY PORTER
Right you are my love.
ROY PORTER
Yes sir, what can I get you?

DANNY
Pint of lager, please Roy. And what
can I get you that isn’t a
cranberry juice?
ANGEL
I don’t really want to get drunk.

DANNY
You can get a little drunk.

ANGEL
Okay I’ll have one.

DANNY
That’s what I’m talking about!

ANGEL
What’s your wine selection?

RUY PORTER
Oh, we’ve got red...or white.

ANGEL
Pint of lager, please Roy.

DANNY
Yeaaaah Roy.

ANGEL spies the ANDES at the bar and wanders over.

ANGEL
Any developments from this morning?

WAINWRIGHT
Yeah, CSI found nothing, Dr.
Hatcher reported no misadventure,
Mrs. Blower has four alibis.
ANGEL
And Skinner?
69.


CARTWRIGHT
He runs the local supermarket.
FISHER
Come on Sergeant, it’s not your job
to investigate this incident is it?
Is it?
WAINWRIGHT AND CARTWRIGET
No it isn’t.

ANGEL and DANNY sit down. ANGEL scribbles in his notebook.
DANNY
You don’t switch off do you?
ANGEL
You sound like my ex.

DANNY
Why, did she have a deep voice?

ANGEL
No, she always used to accuse me of
not being able to switch off.

DANNY
Well you are always thinking away.

ANGEL
It’s what I do.

DANNY
No, no I think it’s amazing. I mean
what made you want to he a
policeman-

ANGEL
Officer-
DANNY
What made you want to be a
policeman-officer?
ANGEL
I can’t remember a time when I
didn’t want to he a police officer,
apart from the summer of 1979 when
I wanted to be Kermit The Frog. It
all started with my Uncle Derek. He
was a Sergeant in the Net. Gave me
a police pedal car when I was five.
I rode it around every moment I was
(MORE)
70.

ANGEL (cont’d)
awake, arresting kids twice my size
for littering and spitting. I got
beaten up a lot but it didn’t stop
me. I wanted to be like Uncle
Derek.
DANNY
Sounds like a good bloke.

ANGEL
Actually, he was jailed for selling
drugs to students.
DANNY
What a cunt.
ANGEL
He most likely bought the pedal car
with the proceeds. Needless to say
I never went near it again. I let
it rust. But I never forgot that
clear sense of right and wrong I
felt at the wheel of that pedal car
and I refused to accept that
corruption was the inevitable
consequence of authority. I had to
prove to myself that the law could
be proper and righteous and for the
good of humankind. I knew then, I
was destined to be a police
officer.

DANNY
Shame.

ANGEL
How so?

DANNY
I think you would’ve made a great
muppet.
ANGEL laughs. It’s the first time we have seen him do this.

ANGEL
So, what made you want to be a
police officer?

DANNY
Dad does it...I think after Mum
died, it’s what he wanted. Keep me
close by.
71.


ANGEL
Do you mind if I ask how she died?
DANNY
Traffic collision.

ANGEL
I’m sorry.
DANNY
Aw, don’t worry...watch this.

DANNY sticks a fork in his eye, scarlet squirts everywhere.
ANGEL
Jesus Christ?

DANNY
Ta-daaaa!

DANNY reveals a TOMATO KETCHUP sachet. ANGEL laughs.

DANNY (cont’d)
Get ’em in silly bollocks...

FLASH CUTS. The night wears on. The glasses on the table
multiply. DANNY and ANGEL are both tipsy and enjoy each
other’s company. DANNY beats ANGEL at bar skittles.

LATER. ANGEL finds his way to the bar. He sees a beaming
SIMON SKINNER sitting at the bar with another gentleman.

SKINNER
Ah, 777. Do join us. You’ve met
George Merchant haven’t you?

GEORGE MERCHANT is drunk and morose. ANGEL sits at the bar.

MRCHANT
Good evening offisher...

SKINNER
We were just talking about the
accident. Dreadful business.
MRCHANT
I’d come to know Martin and Eve
very well of late. Such a losssh.

SKINNER
What say we drink to their demise?
72.


ANGEL
Isn’t it drink to their memory?
SKINNER
Of course. Cheers.

GEORGE MERCHANT
I mussh go to the little boyssh
room.
MERCHANT gets off his stool. He is remarkably short.

SKINNER
Little being the operative word.
He’ll be in bits tomerrow.
SKINNER moves off. ANGEL watches him go, swivelling on his
stool. It’s a cool mement. Until ANGEL slips off his seat.

FRANK
Think somebedy needs to go home.

ANGEL
I’m not that drunk sir.

FRANK
Net yen. Him.

FRANK points to GEORGE MERCHANT who stands in the corner,
with his nob out, pissing into the coin tray of a fruit
machine.
Genres: ["Comedy","Crime","Drama"]

Summary Angel, Danny, and Webley emerge from a shed and dive over a hedge, only to find nothing. Later, in a squad car, Angel confirms a sea mine is deactivated, though Danny is skeptical. At the station, they bring in a haul of guns and celebrate at a lively pub. Angel and Danny bond over their motivations for becoming police officers, sharing laughs amidst the chaos of the pub, where they encounter Simon Skinner, who makes a toast to a tragic accident. The scene shifts from tension to humor, culminating in a comedic moment with George Merchant's drunken antics.
Strengths
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Character development
  • Humor
Weaknesses
  • Lack of emotional depth
  • Limited conflict

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively balances humor, character development, and hints of intrigue, keeping the audience entertained and invested in the story.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of two police officers bonding over drinks while discussing their motivations and investigating a potential crime adds depth to the characters and advances the plot.

Plot: 7

The plot progresses as Angel and Danny gather information about the accident and interact with other characters, setting the stage for future developments.

Originality: 9

The scene showcases original situations and fresh approaches to character interactions, with unexpected twists and dark humor. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Angel and Danny are well-developed through their dialogue and actions, showcasing their personalities, motivations, and dynamics.

Character Changes: 5

There is subtle development in the characters of Angel and Danny as they bond and investigate together, but no significant transformation occurs in this scene.

Internal Goal: 9

Angel's internal goal is to prove that the law can be proper and righteous, stemming from his childhood desire to be a police officer and his disillusionment with his corrupt uncle. This reflects his deep-seated need for justice and integrity.

External Goal: 8

The protagonist's external goal is to solve the mystery of the accident and investigate the suspects involved. This reflects the immediate challenge he is facing in his role as a police officer.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

While there are hints of conflict and mystery in the scene, the focus is more on character interaction and development.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting values, hidden motives, and unexpected actions creating tension and suspense. The audience is left wondering how the characters will navigate the challenges they face.

High Stakes: 5

While there are hints of mystery and potential danger, the stakes are not extremely high in this scene.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing new information, developing character relationships, and setting up future events.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of its unexpected twists, dark humor, and complex character dynamics. The audience is kept on their toes, unsure of how the story will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the theme of corruption and integrity. Angel's belief in the proper and righteous law is challenged by his uncle's corruption and the suspects he encounters, leading to a clash of values and beliefs.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The scene elicits amusement and engagement from the audience through humor and character dynamics, but does not delve deeply into emotional depth.

Dialogue: 9

The witty and engaging dialogue between Angel, Danny, and other characters drives the scene forward, revealing insights into their personalities and relationships.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its mix of action, humor, and character development. The dynamic interactions between the characters and the unfolding mystery keep the audience invested in the story.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective, with a good balance of action, dialogue, and introspection. The rhythm of the scene keeps the story moving forward and maintains the audience's interest.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with proper scene headings, dialogue formatting, and action descriptions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear transitions between locations and a focus on character interactions and dialogue.


Critique
  • The scene effectively maintains a comedic tone, which is consistent with the overall script. The juxtaposition of the heroic slow-motion dive over the hedge with the anticlimactic reveal of nothing on the other side is a clever use of humor that plays well with the audience's expectations.
  • The dialogue between Angel, Danny, and Webley is engaging and showcases their personalities. However, the humor could be enhanced by tightening the exchanges to make them snappier and more impactful. For instance, some lines could be trimmed or rephrased for better comedic timing.
  • The transition from the farm to the squad car and then to the station is smooth, but the scene could benefit from more visual descriptions to enhance the setting. Adding sensory details about the environment, such as the sounds of the farm or the atmosphere in the squad car, would help immerse the audience further.
  • The introduction of the sea mine is a strong visual element, but the dialogue surrounding it could be more dynamic. The characters' reactions to the mine could be exaggerated for comedic effect, emphasizing the absurdity of the situation.
  • The flash cuts to the station are effective in conveying the passage of time and the progression of events. However, the dialogue during these cuts could be more concise to maintain the pacing and keep the audience engaged.
  • The conversation between Angel and Danny about their motivations for becoming police officers is insightful and adds depth to their characters. However, it could be more tightly woven into the comedic elements of the scene to maintain the light-hearted tone while still providing character development.
  • The ending of the scene, with George Merchant's drunken antics, is humorous but feels slightly disconnected from the main narrative. It might be beneficial to tie this moment back to the ongoing investigation or character arcs to maintain narrative cohesion.
Suggestions
  • Consider tightening the dialogue exchanges to enhance comedic timing and impact. Aim for brevity and punchiness in the lines.
  • Add more sensory details to the setting to create a richer atmosphere. Describe sounds, smells, and visual elements to immerse the audience.
  • Exaggerate the characters' reactions to the sea mine for comedic effect, emphasizing the absurdity of the situation.
  • Make the dialogue during the flash cuts more concise to maintain pacing and keep the audience engaged.
  • Weave the character development moments more tightly into the comedic elements of the scene to maintain the overall tone.
  • Connect the ending moment with George Merchant back to the main narrative or character arcs to enhance cohesion and relevance.



Scene 21 - Night Encounters
EXT. STREET - NIGHT

ANGEL and DANNY carry GEORGE MERCHANT along the street. He
is unconscious, his feet not touching the ground.
DANNY
Hey, we did get a little drunk.
Geddit? It’s funny ’cos he’s
little.
ANGEL spies the HOODIES huddled round a village map. He
gestures for DANNY te be quiet and sneaks ever.

ANGEL
Evening all.
The HOODIES spin around and freeze. A freshly sprayed
grefitti tag is en the village map. ANGEL holds out his
hand.
73.


ANGEL (cont’d)
Give it here.
A SPRAY CAN sails past ANGEL’s head and hits GEORGE MERCHANT
full in the face. He and DANNY fell to the [U+FB02]eor.

The HOODIES scatter. ANGEL steams over, grabbing HOODIE 1
and pulling him back into a neerby bin. ANGEL grabs HOODIE 2
and spins him round, pulling the hood off his face.
ANGEL finds himself face to face with the BLONDE SCHOOLKID.
HOODIE 1 meanwhile, clambers out of the bin and runs off.
A thrown ANGEL looks on, as the BLONDE SCHOOLKID [U+FB02]ips
his hood back up and runs off.
DANNY
Let em go. They’ll come round
again.

ANGEL and DANNY pick MERCHANT up and carry him eff.

ANGEL
We know where his house is right?

DANNY
Oh yes.


EXT. STREET - NIGHT

DANNY stops, looking up at the monstreus piece ef
architecture.

ANGEL
Gcod grief.
DANNY
Six mohths ago, that was a pear
orcherd.

ANGEL
I want to threw up, but I fear it
may add value.
MERCHANT is suddenly awake. His eyes glazed.

MERCHANT
Jussst here. How much do I owe
youss?
74.


DANNY
Twenty quid.
MERCHANT gives DANNY £20 guid. ANGEL gives it back.
ANGEL
Thank you and here’s your change.
MERCHANT
Buh-bye.

MERCHANT disappears inside. ANGEL and DANNY walk away.
ANGEL
I wouldn’t want to be him in the
morning.

They walk out of shot, revealing...A CLOAKED FIGURE!


EXT. GEORGE NERCHANT’S HOUSE - NIGHT

A light [U+FB02]icks on. We see GEORGE MERCHANT stumbling
around his hall. We also the CLOAKED FIGURE watching,
waiting...


EXT. DANNY’S HOUSE - NIGHT

DANNY and ANGEL arrive at DANNY’s front door.

DANNY
Well, this is me.

ANGEL
I shall see you in the morning.

DANNY
Unless you wanna come in for a
coffee?

ANGEL
I don’t drink coffee.
DANNY
Tea?

ANGEL
No, no caffeine after midday.
DANNY
How about another beer?
75.


INT. KITCHEN - NIGHT
A fridge opens...We see a number of bottled beers...
GEORGE MERCHANT grabs a beer and swigs it as he staggers to
the toilet. Outside the CLOAKED FIGURE watches.

MERCHANT put his beer on the cistern and has a piss...He
[U+FB02]ushes, zips up and retrieves his beer from the
cistern. As he stands back up, behind him we see...

The CLOAKED EIGUEE. Who strikes him with a cudgel. Bang!


INT. DANNY’S HOUSE - NIGHT
ANGEL drops down onto DANNY’s sofa and surveys the untidy
room. DANNY appears to be living out of cardboard boxes.

ANGEL
When did you move in?

DANNY enters from the kitchen with two cans of beer.

DANNY
About five years ago.

ANGEL
You should get some pot plants.

DANNY
Oh yeah?

ANGEL
Yes, I’ve been tending my Peace
Lily for three years now. NASA
rates it as one of top ten air
cleaning plants. It oxygenates the
room, it helps me think, it
relieves stress. Its needs are
simple. Janine said I loved my Lily
more than her.

DANNY
Is that why you split up?

ANGEL
What?
DANNY
Cos’ you dunnit with a plant.
76.


ANGEL
No, it was more about being
obsessed with the job.
DANNY
But, that’s good though innit?
ANGEL
I don’t know, I did miss a few
dinners, parties, a birthday or
two-

DANNY
Well I mean-
ANGEL
-her dad’s funeral. I just want to
be good at what I do.

DANNY
You are good at what you do. You’ve
just got to learn to switch off
that big melon.

ANGEL
You know Danny, I don’t know how.

DANNY
I’ll show you how.

DANNY opens a cupboard that is stacked full of alphabetized
VHS tapes. It’s the most ordered area of the entire
[U+FB02]at.

ANGEL
By the power of Greyskull.

DANNY carefully selects two tapes.
DANNY
Point Break or Bad Boys 2?
ANGEL
Which one do you think I’ll prefer?
DANNY
No, I mean which one do you wanna
watch first?

ANGEL
You are pulling my leg?
77.
Genres: ["Comedy","Action","Mystery"]

Summary Angel and Danny carry the unconscious George Merchant down the street, where they confront a group of hoodies vandalizing a village map. After a brief standoff, the hoodies flee, and Merchant regains consciousness to pay Danny before stumbling into his house, unaware of a cloaked figure watching him. Later, at Danny's house, Angel and Danny discuss life and work, deciding to unwind with a movie, while the cloaked figure ominously lurks outside Merchant's home.
Strengths
  • Humorous dialogue
  • Suspenseful twist with the cloaked figure
  • Dynamic character interactions
Weaknesses
  • Lack of significant character development
  • Some cliched elements in the dialogue

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively blends humor, action, and mystery, keeping the audience engaged and entertained.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a cloaked figure lurking in the shadows adds intrigue and suspense to the scene, setting up a potential mystery or conflict.

Plot: 8

The plot advances with the introduction of the cloaked figure and the potential danger it poses to the characters, adding tension and driving the story forward.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces fresh elements such as the protagonist's dedication to his job and the impact on his personal life, as well as the unexpected twist of the cloaked figure watching George Merchant.


Character Development

Characters: 7

The characters, particularly Angel and Danny, showcase their personalities and dynamics through their dialogue and actions, adding depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 5

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the interactions between Angel and Danny hint at potential growth and development in their relationship.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to find a balance between his dedication to his job and his personal life. He struggles with prioritizing work over relationships and wants to learn how to switch off from work.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to help his friend and deal with the consequences of their actions, such as carrying an unconscious person and facing hoodlums.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

The conflict is subtly introduced with the presence of the cloaked figure, hinting at potential danger or mystery to come.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing challenges from the hoodies, the cloaked figure, and his own internal struggles.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are raised with the introduction of the cloaked figure, hinting at potential danger or intrigue for the characters.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing a new element of mystery and potential conflict, setting up future developments.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected actions of the characters, the introduction of the cloaked figure, and the twist at the end with George Merchant.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict revolves around the protagonist's dedication to his job and the impact it has on his personal relationships. It challenges his beliefs about work-life balance and fulfillment.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The scene elicits a mix of emotions, including humor, suspense, and curiosity, engaging the audience on multiple levels.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is witty, humorous, and reveals the characters' personalities effectively, contributing to the overall tone and entertainment value of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its fast-paced action, witty dialogue, and unexpected twists that keep the audience on the edge of their seats.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension, alternating between action and dialogue, and keeping the audience engaged from start to finish.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear action lines, dialogue, and scene descriptions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with a buildup of tension, conflict resolution, and a cliffhanger ending, typical of its genre.


Critique
  • The scene effectively balances humor and tension, particularly with the juxtaposition of Angel and Danny's light-hearted banter against the backdrop of George Merchant's drunken state and the lurking cloaked figure. However, the humor sometimes feels forced, especially with Danny's jokes about Merchant's height. This could be refined to feel more organic and less like a setup for a punchline.
  • The dialogue between Angel and Danny is engaging, but it could benefit from more subtext. For instance, Angel's obsession with his job and the Peace Lily could be explored further to deepen his character. This would add layers to their conversation and make it more impactful.
  • The introduction of the cloaked figure adds a layer of suspense, but the transition from the comedic elements to the darker undertones could be smoother. The scene could build more tension leading up to the reveal of the cloaked figure, perhaps by incorporating more ominous visual cues or sounds that hint at danger.
  • The pacing of the scene feels uneven at times. The comedic exchanges are quick and snappy, but the transition to the more serious elements, such as the attack on Merchant, could be better paced to enhance the shock value. A moment of silence or a lingering shot on the cloaked figure could heighten the tension before the action unfolds.
  • The visual descriptions are somewhat lacking in detail. For example, the setting of Danny's house could be described more vividly to reflect his character and living situation. This would help the audience visualize the environment and understand Danny's lifestyle better.
Suggestions
  • Consider refining the humor to feel more natural and less like a setup for jokes. This could involve allowing the characters to react more genuinely to the situations they find themselves in.
  • Add more subtext to the dialogue between Angel and Danny, particularly regarding Angel's obsession with work. This could involve deeper reflections on their past and how it affects their current relationship.
  • Enhance the build-up to the reveal of the cloaked figure by incorporating more suspenseful elements, such as eerie sounds or visual cues that suggest danger is near.
  • Adjust the pacing to create a more seamless transition between the comedic and serious elements. This could involve adding a moment of tension before the attack on Merchant to increase the shock factor.
  • Provide more vivid descriptions of the settings, particularly Danny's house, to give the audience a clearer picture of the characters' lives and enhance the overall atmosphere of the scene.



Scene 22 - A Night of Contrasts
INT. GEDRGE MERCHANT’S KITCHEN - NIGHT
MERCHANT is dragged by his feet and dumped into a kitchen
chair...GLOVED HANDS empty beans into a pan... Bacon is
fried...Gas taps are turned on full...Gas hisses...


INT. DANNY’S HGUSE - NIGHT
Static hisses as the video [U+FB02]ickers to life.

DANNY
This film is A-MAZING!
ANGEL
So, what’s it actually about?

DANNY
An FBI agent who goes under cover
to infiltrate a gang of wild wave
riding, sky diving, bank robbers
but falls in love with the surfing
lifestyle and the leader’s
girlfriend and ends up having to
make some very tough choices.

ANGEL
So it’s based on a true story?

DANNY
Now that I don’t know.

ANGEL
No I just mean, it sounds a little
far fetched.

DANNY
Well, it’s a film innit?


INT. GEORGE MERCHANT’S HOUSE - NIGHT
Hiss...GLOVED HANDS light a candle in the living room.
Hiss...MEECHANT lies motionless in the chair....Hiss...


INT. DANNY’S HOUSE - NIGHT
DANNY and ANGEL are on the sofa. ’Point Break’ ends.

DANNY
Whaddya think?
78.


ANGEL
Well, I won’t argue that it’s a no
holds barred, adrenaline fuelled
thrill ride but there’s no way you
could perpetrate that amount of
carnage and mayhem without
incurring a considerable amount of
paperwork.
DANNY
That’s nothing man. This is about
to go off!


EXT. GEDRGE MERCHANT’S HOUSE - NIGHT
KA-BOOOOOOM. MERGHANT’s [U+FB02]aming body [U+FB02]ies through
the air.


INT. DANNY’S HOUSE - EARLY MORNING

DANNY’s head rests on ANGEL as they sleep on the sofa.
Daylight fills the room as ’Bad Boys 2’ blares from the TV.

MARTIN LAWRENCE
This shit just got real!

The phone rings. They open their eyes at the same time.


EXT. GEDRGE MERCHANT’S HOUSE - MORNING

DR. HATCHER
Nasty way to go.

The Sandford Police survey the smoking black husk of
Merchant’s house. His twisted and burnt cadaver is covered
up by DR. HATCHER. Paramedics carry him off on a gurney.
DR. HATCHER (CONT’D)
Seems Mr. Merchant tried to have a
little fry up and left the gas on.
They say you shouldn’t eat late at
night.

DORIS THATCHER
I dunno. I like a little midnight
gobble.
THATCHER and WALKER laugh at this. WALKER mumbles ’Cocks’.
79.

FISHER
So what do we reckon? Angel?

FISHER looks to a spectacularly groggy ANGEL and DANNY.
ANGEL
Yes?
FISHER
Help me.
ANGEL
We should set up a proper cordon,
keep people back, let the fire crew
finish and get the forensics to do
a thorough sweep.
FISHER
Right. What he said.

ANGEL spots a crew of workmen on the periphery, waiting to
clear the scene. TIM MESSENGER appears, notebook in hand.

MESSENGER
Sergeant, a guick word?

ANGEL
Mr. Messenger, please. A statement
will be issued shortly.

MSSENGER
Actually I just wanted to find out,
’What’s your perfect Sunday’?

FISHER
I’ll deal with the press Sergeant.
Now, my perfect Sunday would begin
-

FISHER leads MESSENGER away. ANGEL sees SIMON SKINNER
amongst a crowd of onlookers. SKINNER waves ’hello’.
WAINWEIGHT
What you thinking? Foul play?

ANGEL
Maybe.
WAINWRIGHT
We’re just waiting to speak to the
last people to see Mr Merchant
alive, namely Sergeant Knickerless
Asswipe and Constable Fanny
Butterdog.
80.


DANNY
That’s us.
The ANDES collapse with into sniggers.
ANGEL
Why is this such a big joke to you?
Three people have died in less than
a week.
WAINWRIGHT
Oh come on Dr. Sherlock, they were
accidents.
CARTWRIGHT
People have accidents everyday.

WAINWRIGHT
Ron Spencer got his cravat caught
in the mulcher the other week.

ANGEL
But the victims knew each other.

CARTWRIGHT
Everyone knows everyone round ’ere.

WAINWEIGHT
Yeah. If you didn’t see anything
suspicious, then who did?
Genres: ["Crime","Comedy","Mystery"]

Summary The scene juxtaposes the light-hearted movie discussion between Danny and Angel with the grim fate of George Merchant, who is tied up in his kitchen and subjected to a deadly gas setup. As Danny excitedly talks about 'Point Break,' the tension escalates with Merchant's house exploding, leading to the discovery of his charred body the next morning. While the police investigate the incident, Angel suspects foul play, contrasting with others who dismiss the deaths as mere accidents, leaving an unresolved conflict and a sense of foreboding.
Strengths
  • Witty dialogue
  • Engaging characters
  • Mystery and humor blend
Weaknesses
  • Lack of significant character development
  • Some dialogue may be too sarcastic or obscure for all audiences

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively blends humor, mystery, and character development, keeping the audience engaged and entertained. The witty dialogue and dark humor add depth to the characters and the plot, making it an enjoyable and intriguing scene.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of blending crime investigation with humor and sarcasm is executed well in this scene. The introduction of a mysterious death adds depth to the plot and keeps the audience intrigued. The scene effectively establishes the tone and style of the screenplay.

Plot: 7

The plot of the scene revolves around the investigation of George Merchant's death, adding a mysterious and suspenseful element to the story. The witty dialogue and character interactions enhance the plot, making it engaging and entertaining.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the detective genre, blending elements of mystery, humor, and danger. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters in the scene are well-developed and engaging. Their witty dialogue, unique personalities, and interactions add depth to the story and keep the audience invested in their journey. The scene effectively showcases the dynamics between the characters.

Character Changes: 5

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the interactions and dialogue between the characters reveal more about their personalities and relationships, adding depth to their development.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to solve the mystery of the deaths that have occurred in the neighborhood. This reflects their need for justice and their fear of the unknown.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to maintain order and safety in the community by investigating the deaths and preventing further harm.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

The conflict in the scene is primarily driven by the investigation of George Merchant's death and the interactions between the characters. The mysterious circumstances surrounding the death create tension and intrigue, adding depth to the story.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting views on the deaths and the investigation. The audience is left unsure of who to trust or believe.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are moderately high in the scene, as the investigation of George Merchant's death and the interactions between the characters have consequences for the overall story. The mysterious circumstances and dark humor add tension and intrigue, raising the stakes for the characters.

Story Forward: 8

The scene effectively moves the story forward by introducing a new mystery with George Merchant's death, developing the characters through their interactions, and setting up future conflicts and plot points. The investigation and dialogue propel the narrative and keep the audience engaged.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists and turns in the investigation. The audience is kept guessing about the true nature of the deaths.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between the protagonist's belief in the existence of foul play and the other characters' dismissal of the deaths as accidents. This challenges the protagonist's values of justice and truth.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The scene has a moderate emotional impact, primarily driven by the dark humor, witty dialogue, and character interactions. The audience is engaged and entertained by the dynamics between the characters and the mysterious death of George Merchant.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue in the scene is witty, sharp, and humorous, adding depth to the characters and the plot. The sarcastic tone and banter between the characters create an engaging and entertaining atmosphere, keeping the audience entertained throughout the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its blend of mystery, humor, and tension. The dialogue and character interactions keep the audience invested in the story.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and suspense. The rhythm of the dialogue and action sequences keeps the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and easy to follow, with distinct locations and character actions. It adheres to the expected format for its genre.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a mystery genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the effectiveness of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene effectively juxtaposes the tension of George Merchant's imminent demise with the lighthearted banter between Angel and Danny. This contrast creates a darkly comedic tone that is characteristic of the screenplay, but it may risk undermining the gravity of the situation if not handled carefully.
  • The dialogue between Angel and Danny is engaging and showcases their dynamic well. However, it could benefit from more subtext or emotional depth, especially considering the impending tragedy. Adding a moment where Angel reflects on the seriousness of their job or the implications of their current investigation could enhance the stakes.
  • The transition between the two locations (Merchant's kitchen and Danny's house) is clear, but the pacing feels slightly rushed. The explosive climax could be more impactful if the buildup to the explosion included more tension or foreshadowing, allowing the audience to feel the weight of the moment.
  • The humor in the dialogue is strong, but some lines, particularly the ones from the paramedics and the banter about 'midnight gobble,' may come off as too flippant given the context of a death. Striking a balance between humor and the seriousness of the situation is crucial to maintain the tone.
  • The introduction of Dr. Hatcher and the other officers at the scene provides comic relief, but it also detracts from the emotional weight of Merchant's death. Consider focusing more on Angel's reaction to the situation rather than the comedic exchanges, which could help ground the scene.
Suggestions
  • Incorporate a moment where Angel expresses concern or frustration about the recent deaths, perhaps reflecting on the impact of their work. This could add emotional depth and highlight the stakes involved.
  • Consider adding a brief moment of tension or suspense before the explosion, such as a close-up of the gas hissing or Merchant's unconscious face, to build anticipation and make the explosion more shocking.
  • Revise some of the comedic lines to ensure they align with the tone of the scene. While humor is essential, it should not overshadow the gravity of the situation. Aim for humor that feels organic to the characters and the context.
  • Enhance the visual storytelling by including more sensory details in both locations. For example, describe the smells and sounds in Merchant's kitchen to create a more immersive experience for the audience.
  • After the explosion, consider allowing Angel a moment of reflection or horror at the scene, which could serve to contrast the earlier lightheartedness and reinforce the seriousness of their investigation.



Scene 23 - Frustration in the CCTV Office
INT. STATIQN/CCTV OFFICE - DAY

TOM WEAVER spools through footage on his CCTV monitors.
ANGEL, DANNY, FRANK and the ANDES look on.
WEAVER
Bit of a blind spot I’m afraid.
We’re not that well covered around
George Merchant’s. We only get the
very edge of the explosion.
FRANK
Nasty way to go.

WEAVER
One thing that did catch my eye.
ANGEL
What’s that?
81.


WEAVER
You sticking it to these herberts!
WEAVER shows a replay of the drunken HOODIE fight and whoops
with delight. The ANDES snigger. ANGEL fumes.

ANGEL
This is irrelevant.
WEAVER
I beg to differ. It’s the closest
we’ve come to nabbing the bastards.
ANGEL
Mr. Weaver, let’s concentrate-
WEAVER pauses the tape on a blurred shot of the BLONDE KID.

WEAVER
Did you get a good look at this
little mischief? What did he-

ANGEL
Forget that, just keep looking for
anything out of the ordinary in the
immediate area of Mr Merchant’s
residence. Make a note of any car
registrations spotted in the
vicinity. In partieular, look out
for a Red MG, license ’SS1’.

FRANK
Nicholas.

ANGEL
Yes sir?

FRANK
Can I have a mo?


INT. CORRIDOR - DAY

FRANK
You’ve got to ease off on these
Skinner allegations. He’s the
manager of the local supermarket.
ANGEL
With respect sir-
82.


FRANK
Listen, you are an exceptional
officer, truly exceptional, but you
do have to let the Andes do their
job. If there’s anything amiss,
we’ll hear soon enough. Until then
we have to regard these incidents
as accidents.
ANGEL
Yes sir.

FRANK
Good boy.
FRANK leaves. ANGEL looks up to the photo on the wall. It is
of an officer with a big bushy beard; ’Sgt, Popwell’.

WEAVER (O.S.)
Sergeant Angel, I think I’ve found
what you’re looking for.

ANGEL runs excitedly over to WEAVER’s office. The ANDES
follow suit, as do DANNY and FRANK. They see CCTV footage of
the SWAN waddling past Merchant’s house.

WAINWRIGHT
Ah, there you go. It was the Swan
all along.

ANGEL
This is not funny Detective!

CARTWRIGHT
Oh give over Miss Marples.

WAINWRIGHT
Let us do our job and you do yours.
CARTWRIGHT
Yeah, haven’t you got a church fete
to look after?

ANGEL
No, I have not!

FRANK
Actually.
83.
Genres: ["Comedy","Mystery","Crime"]

Summary In the CCTV office, Tom Weaver reviews footage related to George Merchant's explosion, highlighting a previous fight involving Angel, which frustrates him as he wants to focus on the investigation. Frank advises Angel to let the Andes handle their work, but tensions rise when Weaver discovers footage of a swan passing Merchant's house, leading to sarcastic remarks from the Andes. The scene blends humor and frustration, culminating in Angel's exasperation with the light-hearted banter, leaving his investigation concerns unresolved.
Strengths
  • Sharp dialogue
  • Engaging mystery elements
  • Dynamic character interactions
Weaknesses
  • Minimal emotional impact
  • Limited character development

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively balances humor, mystery, and professional investigation, keeping the audience engaged and entertained. The dialogue is sharp and the interactions between characters are dynamic.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of using CCTV footage to investigate a crime adds a modern twist to the traditional mystery genre. The scene effectively introduces this concept and integrates it into the investigation.

Plot: 7

The plot advances as the characters uncover new clues and discuss their findings. The revelation from the CCTV footage adds a new layer to the investigation and raises the stakes.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh take on the detective genre by combining humor with a serious investigation. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and add depth to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-developed and each has a distinct personality that shines through in their interactions. The dynamics between Angel, Danny, Frank, and the Andes add depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 4

There is minimal character change in this scene, as the focus is more on advancing the investigation and uncovering new clues.

Internal Goal: 8

Angel's internal goal is to prove herself as a competent and dedicated officer, despite facing skepticism and opposition from her colleagues.

External Goal: 7

Angel's external goal is to solve the case of the explosion at George Merchant's residence and catch the perpetrators.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

There is a moderate level of conflict in the scene, particularly between Angel and the Andes as they have differing opinions on the investigation. The conflict adds tension and keeps the scene engaging.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Angel facing skepticism and dismissiveness from her colleagues, adding conflict and tension to the narrative.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes are moderate in this scene, as the characters are investigating a crime and trying to uncover the truth behind the mysterious events. The revelation from the CCTV footage raises the stakes.

Story Forward: 8

The scene effectively moves the story forward by introducing new clues and advancing the investigation. The revelation from the CCTV footage propels the plot forward.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in the investigation and the characters' conflicting motivations.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between Angel's dedication to solving the case and her colleagues' dismissive attitude towards her efforts. It challenges Angel's beliefs in justice and professionalism.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 5

The emotional impact is minimal in this scene, focusing more on the humor and mystery elements. However, there is a sense of camaraderie and teamwork among the characters.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is witty, engaging, and drives the scene forward. It reveals the personalities of the characters and adds humor to the investigation.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the witty dialogue, dynamic character interactions, and the suspenseful investigation plot.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining tension and suspense, while also allowing for moments of humor and character development.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene headings and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a detective genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the effectiveness of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the tension between Angel's determination to investigate and the dismissive attitude of his colleagues, particularly Frank and the Andes. This dynamic is well-established, but the dialogue could benefit from more subtext to enhance the conflict. For instance, Frank's insistence on treating the incidents as accidents feels somewhat flat; adding a personal stake or history with Skinner could deepen the conflict.
  • The humor in the scene, particularly with Weaver's excitement over the footage of the hoodie fight, contrasts nicely with Angel's frustration. However, the comedic elements could be sharpened. For example, the Andes' sniggering feels a bit generic; giving them distinct personalities or quirks would make their mockery more memorable and engaging.
  • The pacing of the scene is uneven. The transition from the CCTV office to the corridor feels abrupt. A smoother transition could enhance the flow, perhaps by having Angel's frustration build as he walks down the corridor, leading to a more impactful confrontation with Frank.
  • The introduction of the swan footage as a potential lead is humorous but undermines the seriousness of the investigation. While the film's tone allows for levity, it might be more effective to have Angel react with a mix of disbelief and frustration, emphasizing the absurdity of the situation while still maintaining his focus on the investigation.
  • The dialogue could be more concise in places. For example, Angel's lines about focusing on the investigation could be trimmed to make his urgency more palpable. Additionally, the banter between the Andes could be tightened to enhance comedic timing.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a backstory or personal connection for Frank regarding Skinner to heighten the stakes of their conversation. This could create a more compelling reason for Frank to dismiss Angel's concerns.
  • Enhance the personalities of the Andes by giving them unique traits or catchphrases that reflect their attitudes towards Angel and the investigation. This will make their interactions more engaging and memorable.
  • Smooth out the transition between the CCTV office and the corridor by incorporating Angel's internal thoughts or frustrations as he walks, allowing the audience to feel his mounting tension.
  • Reframe Angel's reaction to the swan footage to balance humor with seriousness. Perhaps he could sarcastically comment on the absurdity while still pushing for a more serious investigation, maintaining the film's comedic tone without undermining the stakes.
  • Edit the dialogue for brevity, especially in Angel's lines about the investigation. This will help maintain a brisk pace and keep the audience engaged in the unfolding drama.



Scene 24 - A Fete to Remember
EXT. CHURCH FETE - DAY
MALE VOICE (O.S.)
Lovely day for it Sergeant?
A bored ANGEL patrols at a bustling fete. We see impressive
[U+FB02]oral displays and banners reading ’SAVE THE CHURCH
RGQE’ and promoting Sandford for ’VILLAGE OF THE YEAR’. REV.
SHOQTER sidles up to ANGEL with a tray of drinks.
REV. SHOOTER
Sergeant Angel, would your
theological reservations preclude
you from assisting me with the
raf[U+FB02]e this afternoon? There’s
a glass of Joyce Cooper’s lemonade
in it for you.

ANGEL takes a glass and downs it, to SHOOTER’S delight.

REV. SHOOTER (CONT’D)
Marvellous.

ANGEL slumps into a nearby chair and surveys the fete. He
sees a child messily eating a ice lolly. He looks up to see
the father, SGT. FISHER doing the same.

He sees DORIS THATCHER standing with two burly men, giggling
at a pig being spit roasted. He sees WALKER feed candy
[U+FB02]oss to SAXON.

BONG. A bell rings as LURCH plays a ’TEST YOUR STRENGTH’
game. SKINNER lurks nearby, manning a ’BASH THE RAT’ stall
and staring into the distance. Thunder rumbles.

ANGEL follows his gaze over to TIM MESSENGER having an
animated discussion with LESLIE TILLER, the [U+FB02]orist...

CARTWRIGHT (O.S.)
Shark?

ANGEL jumps. The ANDES appear, clutching cans of Cider.
WAINWRIGHT
Seen any murderings Nicholarse?

FRANK and DANNY approach dressed in wild west gear.
FRANK
Come on now boys. Leave Sergeant
Angel alone, he’s working.
84.

WAINWRIGHT
Sorry Chief, won’t waste anymore
police time.
The ANDES slope off, swigging their cider.

FRANK
Actually Nicholas. You may as well
have a break.
DANNY
Great. I’ve got something to show
you.
ANGEL follows DANNY through the crowd until they come to a
stop at an AIR RIFLE RANGE, run by a smiling DR. HATCHER.

ANGEL
This is a ri[U+FB02]e range.

DANNY
You’ll be really good at it.

HATCHER
Three cans wins you a squeaky
bunny, five gets you a [U+FB02]oppy
lion. Take out all the little
people, you get to waltz off with
the cuddly monkey.

ANGEL
I thought I made it clear to you
how I felt about guns.

DANNY
It’s only an air ri[U+FB02]e.

ANGEL
No Danny.

DANNY
It is for a cuddly monkey.
ANGEL grudgingly takes an air rifle. DANNY smiles
expectantly. ANGEL fires, hitting every can dead centre with
amazing speed. He lowers the rifle, feeling excited and
unclean at once. The ANDES watch, swigging their cider.
DR. HATCHER
Good lord.

ANGEL hands the ri[U+FB02]e to an awed DANNY, who inspects
it.
85.


DANNY
Fuck me...that was-
DANNY accidentally pulls the trigger. We hear an agonized
yelp. DR. HATCHER drops on the [U+FB02]oor clutching his leg.
Genres: ["Comedy","Action","Mystery"]

Summary At a lively church fete, Sergeant Angel interacts with villagers and reluctantly participates in an air rifle game, impressing everyone with his shooting skills. However, the fun takes a dark turn when Danny accidentally discharges the rifle, injuring Dr. Hatcher, abruptly disrupting the festive atmosphere.
Strengths
  • Humorous dialogue
  • Engaging character interactions
  • Mystery setup
Weaknesses
  • Lack of deep emotional impact
  • Low stakes

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively blends humor, action, and mystery, keeping the audience engaged and setting up potential plot developments.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a village fete setting, mixed with comedic interactions and hints of mystery, is well-executed and engaging.

Plot: 7

The plot introduces elements of mystery and conflict, setting up potential storylines for future development.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces fresh situations and character dynamics, with authentic dialogue that adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-defined and their interactions add depth and humor to the scene.

Character Changes: 5

There are subtle hints of character development, especially in Angel's interactions with guns and his environment.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to maintain his moral integrity and principles in the face of peer pressure and temptation. This reflects his deeper need for justice and righteousness.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to navigate the social dynamics of the village fete and maintain his professional image as a police officer.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

There are hints of conflict and tension, especially with the introduction of the cloaked figure and the accidental shooting incident.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene adds complexity and challenges the protagonist's beliefs and decisions, creating conflict and suspense.

High Stakes: 5

The stakes are relatively low in this scene, focusing more on character dynamics and humor.

Story Forward: 7

The scene introduces new elements and potential plotlines, moving the story forward.

Unpredictability: 7

The scene is unpredictable in its character interactions and outcomes, adding suspense and intrigue.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict is between the protagonist's ethical stance on guns and violence versus the pressure to conform to social norms and expectations.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 5

The scene focuses more on humor and light-hearted moments rather than deep emotional impact.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is witty and humorous, adding to the comedic tone of the scene.

Engagement: 8

This scene is engaging due to its mix of humor, tension, and character dynamics that keep the audience invested.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, balancing dialogue and action to maintain momentum and tension.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting adheres to the expected format for the genre, enhancing readability and clarity.

Structure: 9

The scene follows a well-defined structure, balancing character interactions and plot progression effectively.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the lighthearted and comedic tone of the screenplay, contrasting Angel's serious demeanor with the festive atmosphere of the church fete. However, the humor could be enhanced by incorporating more witty dialogue or physical comedy, particularly in Angel's interactions with the villagers.
  • The introduction of various characters, such as Rev. Shooter and Dr. Hatcher, adds depth to the scene, but their roles could be more clearly defined. For instance, giving Rev. Shooter a more prominent comedic line or action could elevate his character's presence.
  • Angel's reluctance to engage with the air rifle range is a good character moment, showcasing his serious nature. However, the transition from his reluctance to his impressive shooting could be more gradual, perhaps by including a moment of internal conflict or hesitation before he takes the shot.
  • The accidental shooting of Dr. Hatcher serves as a strong comedic climax, but the setup could benefit from more foreshadowing or tension-building. For example, a brief moment where Danny fumbles with the rifle before the accident could heighten the comedic impact.
  • The scene's pacing is generally good, but it could be tightened by reducing some of the exposition, particularly in the initial interactions. Streamlining the dialogue could maintain the comedic rhythm and keep the audience engaged.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a humorous exchange between Angel and Rev. Shooter that highlights Angel's discomfort with the festivities, perhaps involving a joke about the church's fundraising efforts.
  • Introduce a running gag involving the air rifle range, such as other villagers attempting to shoot cans and failing comically, which would set up a contrast for Angel's unexpected skill.
  • Enhance the moment before Angel shoots by showing his internal struggle or a humorous distraction that leads to him accidentally hitting all the cans, making the moment feel more earned.
  • Include a brief moment of tension or miscommunication between Danny and Dr. Hatcher before the accidental shooting, which could add to the comedic buildup and make the accident feel more surprising.
  • Consider ending the scene with a humorous reaction from the villagers or a comedic line from Angel that reflects his frustration or disbelief at the situation, reinforcing the comedic tone.



Scene 25 - A Fete of Tension
EXT. FETE - DAY
ANGEL and DANNY walk away from the stall: ANGEL clutching
the CUDDLY MONKEY, DANNY in shock. Behind a Saint John’s
Ambulance team attend to DR. HATCHER, who’s in some pain.
DANNY
I can’t believe I shot someone.
ANGEL
He’s a doctor, he can deal with it.

DANNY
But I’ve never shot anyone before.

ANGEL
Believe me Constable. It’s not
something you ever get used to.

DANNY
Yeah. Maybe we should go on the
bouncy castle. Take our minds off
it.

ANGEL spies SKINNER talking heatedly with TIM MSSENGER.

DANNY (cont’d)
What is it?

Thunder rumbles. Before ANGEL can answer, a YOUNG BOY runs
right into him. We see that it is the BLONDE SCHOOL KID. He
and ANGEL lock eyes. The boy looks terrified.
WEAVER
Watch where you’re going.
ANGEL turns to see the grandfather.
WEAVER (cont’d)
I do apologise for my grandson.
Stand up straight Gabriel, this is
Sergeant Angel.
ANGEL
I’ve met Gabriel before actually.
86.

WEAVER
Oh, have you?

GABRIEL looks extremely anxious. His eyes go wide.
ANGEL
Yes. I gave a talk at the school,
didn’t I Gabriel?

GABRIEL
Yeah.
ANGEL
Maybe we’ll get a chance to have
another little chat sometime.

WEAVER
I’m sure Gabriel would love that.

ANGEL
You have a good afternoon.

WEAVER and GABRIEL walk off. GABRIEL looks back at ANGEL,
his expression of confusion and relief.

DANNY
What was that about?

Before ANGEL can answer...a breathless TIM MESSENGER
appears, slamming into ANGEL.

TIM MESSENGER
Sergeant Angel, I need to talk to
you about George Merchant. Alone.
It might be less conspicuous if you
don’t bring the monkey.
ANGEL
This man is a police officer, I’d
thank you to treat him with more
respect.
TIM MSSENGER
I was talking about that.

MESSENGER nods to ANGEL’s giant CUDDLY MONKEY.

ANGEL
Oh.

TIM MESSENGER
The churchyard. Ten minutes.
ANGEL watches MESSENGER scurry off, passing SIMON SKINNER.
87.

SKINNER
Bash the rat?

REV. SHOOTER (TANNOY)
Could we have Sergeant Angel to the
stage please?
ANGEL gives the CUDDLY MONKEY to DANNY and walks off.
Genres: ["Comedy","Mystery","Action"]

Summary At a festive outdoor event, Angel tries to comfort Danny, who is in shock after accidentally shooting Dr. Hatcher. They encounter a frightened young boy, Gabriel, and his grandfather, Weaver. Tim Messenger urgently requests a private conversation with Angel about George Merchant, adding a layer of urgency to the scene. As Angel reassures Danny, he hands over a cuddly monkey and walks off to meet Messenger, leaving Danny to grapple with his guilt.
Strengths
  • Effective blend of humor and mystery
  • Engaging dialogue and character interactions
  • Intriguing setup for future developments
Weaknesses
  • Some elements may feel slightly predictable
  • Emotional impact could be further enhanced

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively blends humor, mystery, and action, keeping the audience engaged and setting up intrigue for future developments.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of mixing comedy with a mysterious plot twist in a village setting is executed well, creating a unique and entertaining scene.

Plot: 7

The plot advances with the introduction of the cloaked figure and the mysterious conversation about George Merchant, adding depth to the storyline.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the typical police procedural genre by incorporating elements of comedy and character-driven storytelling. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds depth to the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters, especially Angel and Danny, showcase their personalities through humor and interactions, adding depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 6

There is a slight shift in Danny's perspective after the accidental shooting, showing a moment of growth for his character.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to come to terms with the fact that he has shot someone for the first time. This reflects his fear and internal struggle with the consequences of his actions.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to investigate the situation with George Merchant and meet with Tim Messenger in the churchyard. This reflects the immediate challenges and mysteries he is facing in the story.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

There is a mild conflict introduced with the conversation about George Merchant and the cloaked figure, hinting at potential danger and suspense.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting motivations and hidden agendas that add complexity to the protagonist's investigation and create suspense for the audience.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes are raised with the introduction of the cloaked figure and the mysterious conversation, hinting at potential danger and intrigue.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing new elements, raising questions, and setting up future developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected interactions between characters and the sudden twists in the investigation, keeping the audience on their toes.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

There is a philosophical conflict between the protagonist's sense of duty as a police officer and the moral ambiguity of the situation. This challenges his beliefs and values as he navigates the complexities of the case.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

While there is some emotional impact with the accidental shooting and the mysterious elements, the scene leans more towards humor and intrigue.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is witty, engaging, and reveals character dynamics effectively, enhancing the humor and mystery of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its mix of humor, suspense, and character dynamics that keep the audience invested in the unfolding events.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by balancing moments of tension with lighter interactions, creating a dynamic rhythm that keeps the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene adheres to the standard screenplay format, making it easy to follow and visualize the unfolding action.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear character motivations and a progression of events that build tension and intrigue.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the aftermath of a comedic yet serious incident, maintaining a balance between humor and tension. However, the transition from the previous scene to this one could be smoother. The abrupt shift from the chaos of the accidental shooting to the more mundane interactions at the fete feels jarring. A brief moment of reflection or a visual cue could help bridge this gap.
  • The dialogue between Angel and Danny is engaging and showcases their dynamic well. However, Danny's line about going on the bouncy castle feels slightly out of place given the gravity of the situation. It might benefit from a more nuanced response that reflects his shock while still incorporating humor.
  • The introduction of Gabriel and his grandfather adds a layer of tension, but Gabriel's anxiety could be more explicitly tied to the recent events. Perhaps a line that hints at his fear of police or violence would deepen the emotional impact.
  • Tim Messenger's entrance is effective in creating urgency, but his dialogue could be more concise. The line about not bringing the monkey could be rephrased to maintain the comedic tone while also emphasizing the seriousness of the conversation about George Merchant.
  • The scene ends with a call to action as Angel is summoned to the stage, which is a strong narrative choice. However, it might be more impactful if there were a moment of hesitation or reflection from Angel before he hands off the monkey, indicating his internal conflict about the situation.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of silence or a visual cue after the shooting to allow the audience to process the gravity of the situation before transitioning to the fete.
  • Revise Danny's line about the bouncy castle to reflect a more appropriate response to the shooting, perhaps suggesting a distraction that feels more in line with their characters' emotional states.
  • Enhance Gabriel's character by including a line that explicitly connects his fear to the recent events, making his anxiety more relatable and impactful.
  • Streamline Tim Messenger's dialogue to make it punchier and more direct, ensuring it maintains the comedic tone while emphasizing the urgency of the situation.
  • Add a moment of hesitation or internal conflict for Angel before he hands off the monkey, which could deepen the emotional resonance of the scene and highlight his struggle with the recent events.



Scene 26 - A Fete Turned Fatal
EXT. FETE - DAY
A distracted ANGEL takes to a makeshift stage where the REV.
SHOOTER stands with a tombola and a microphone.

REV. SHOOTER
Here to announce the winners is the
newest addition to the Sandford
Police Force-

ANGEL
(under breath}
Police service.

REV. SHOOTER
-Sergeant Nicholas Angel.

ANGEL
Hello.

A buzz of feedback from the mic. ANGEL eyes the clock. It’s
3pm. The tombola spins...

...MESSENGER waits in the churchyard, looks at his watch.
...ANGEL picks a name from the tombola.

ANGEL (cont’d)
The [U+FB02]rst name is Simon
Skinner.

ANNETTE ROPER
He’s in the loo!

REV. SHOOTER
Too much of Joyce’s lemonade
perhaps.
Laughter from the crowd. Thunder rumbles...

...We see a BLACK GLGVED HAND on a church door handle...

...The tombola spins. ANGEL looks at the clock...
...We see BLACK EOOTS race up belfry steps...
88.


...MESSENGER still waits. Sweat forms on his brow...
...ANGEL picks another name.
ANGEL
Tim Messenger.

REV. SHOOTER
Tim, your number’s up.
There’s much hub-bub. Thunder rumbles. Closer this time.
ANGEL looks in the crowd frantically...
...Unseen a CLOAKED EIGURE steps onto the church roof...
...ANGEL jumps down off the makeshift stage.

...ELACK GLOVED HANDS push on a loose turret stone.

...TIM MESSENGER stands directly below...

...ANGEL strides through the crowd...

...The gloved hand presses on the turret. The stone
cracks...

...ANGEL breaks into a run. He reaches the churchyard...

...The stone breaks away from the roof and falls down.

...ANGEL runs in the churchyard, sees TIM MSSENGER-

SPLAT. The tip of the stone CRUSHES MESSENGER’S head!

ANGEL jerks back in horror. TIM MESSENGER now looks utterly
surreal, with an upside down cone where his head should be.

The off duty police arrive on the scene, along with many of
the NWA. SIMON SKINNER runs over from a chemical toilet.

FRANK
Keep back. There’s been a terrible
accident!
There’s much hub-bub and murmurs of the word ’accident’ from
the crowd. FISHER steps in, not having seen the body.

FISHER
What accident?
(he sees it)
Oh right.

ANGEL grimaces, looks to the church roof and races off.
89.
Genres: ["Mystery","Thriller","Comedy"]

Summary During a local fete, Sergeant Nicholas Angel is called to announce the winners of a tombola. As he picks names, an ominous atmosphere builds with thunder rumbling and a mysterious cloaked figure on the church roof. When Angel calls out Tim Messenger's name, a loose stone falls, tragically crushing Messenger's head, leading to chaos and horror among the crowd. The scene shifts from light-hearted festivities to a dark tragedy, leaving Angel horrified as he rushes towards the church roof.
Strengths
  • Effective blend of genres
  • Shocking twist
  • Emotional depth
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue may be overshadowed by the dramatic events

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively blends suspense, humor, and shock, keeping the audience on edge while providing comedic relief. The unexpected tragedy at the fete adds a new layer of complexity to the plot.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a seemingly normal event turning into a tragic incident adds depth to the storyline and keeps the audience guessing. The scene introduces a new mystery that propels the narrative forward.

Plot: 7

The plot thickens with the introduction of a shocking event at the fete, raising the stakes for the characters and driving the story towards a new direction. The scene adds complexity to the overall narrative.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the traditional fete setting by incorporating elements of mystery and suspense. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging, adding to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 7

The characters react realistically to the tragic event, showcasing their depth and development. The scene provides insight into how the characters handle unexpected situations.

Character Changes: 6

The characters experience a shift in their emotions and perceptions due to the tragic event, showcasing their ability to adapt to unexpected circumstances. This event may lead to further character development in subsequent scenes.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to maintain his composure and professionalism in a chaotic situation. This reflects his need for control and order, as well as his fear of failure or letting others down.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to announce the winners of the fete raffle. This reflects the immediate challenge of managing a public event and maintaining a positive image for the police force.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict in the scene is high due to the shocking event that disrupts the fete and impacts the characters. The tension and suspense are heightened, keeping the audience engaged.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with unexpected obstacles and challenges that test the protagonist's abilities and decision-making, adding to the suspense and uncertainty.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in this scene due to the shocking tragedy that occurs at the fete. The characters are faced with unexpected challenges and must navigate the aftermath of the event.

Story Forward: 8

The scene propels the story forward by introducing a new mystery and raising the stakes for the characters. It sets the stage for further developments and plot twists.

Unpredictability: 9

This scene is unpredictable because of the sudden turn of events and unexpected outcome, adding to the suspense and intrigue.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

There is a philosophical conflict between the protagonist's dedication to duty and the chaotic events that unfold. This challenges his beliefs about control and order in the face of unexpected circumstances.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene elicits a range of emotions from the audience, including shock, horror, and amusement. The unexpected tragedy adds an emotional depth to the storyline.

Dialogue: 6

The dialogue effectively conveys the shock and confusion of the characters in response to the tragedy. It also maintains the comedic tone present throughout the screenplay.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its fast-paced action, witty dialogue, and unexpected twists, keeping the audience on the edge of their seats.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a gradual buildup of tension and suspense, leading to a climactic moment that keeps the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is well-executed, with clear descriptions of actions and dialogue, following the expected format for a screenplay in this genre.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with a buildup of tension, climax, and resolution, fitting the expected format for a suspenseful thriller genre.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension through the juxtaposition of the light-hearted tombola event and the impending tragedy. The use of sound, such as the buzzing feedback from the microphone and the rumbling thunder, enhances the foreboding atmosphere, which is commendable.
  • The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with the alternating focus between Angel's actions on stage and Messenger's anxious wait in the churchyard. This creates a sense of urgency and anticipation, leading to a shocking climax.
  • The visual imagery is strong, particularly with the description of the black gloved hand and the cloaked figure, which adds an element of mystery and suspense. However, the transition from the light-hearted atmosphere to the horror of Messenger's death could be more pronounced to heighten the impact.
  • The dialogue is functional but could benefit from more character-specific lines that reflect Angel's personality and his discomfort with the situation. His under-the-breath comment about the police service is a nice touch, but more internal conflict could be expressed through his dialogue or thoughts.
  • The reaction of the crowd and the off-duty police officers is realistic, but it could be enhanced by including more varied responses from different characters to showcase the shock and chaos of the moment. This would add depth to the scene and emphasize the gravity of the incident.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of reflection for Angel before he announces the winners, allowing the audience to see his internal struggle with the absurdity of the situation, which could make his eventual horror at Messenger's death more impactful.
  • Incorporate more sensory details to enhance the atmosphere, such as the smell of the food at the fete or the sounds of laughter that abruptly turn to gasps, to create a more immersive experience for the audience.
  • Explore the dynamics between Angel and the other characters on stage, particularly Rev. Shooter and Skinner, to add layers to their interactions and build tension before the climax.
  • After Messenger's death, consider including a moment where Angel attempts to process what just happened, perhaps through a brief internal monologue or a conversation with Danny, to highlight the emotional weight of the event.
  • To increase the shock value of Messenger's death, you might want to delay the reveal of the aftermath slightly, allowing the audience to build their own anticipation and dread before witnessing the horror.



Scene 27 - Rainy Revelations
EXT. CHURCH STEPS/ROOF - CONTINUOUS
ANGEL runs up the church steps to the roof. He [U+FB02]ings
the door open and peers out. There’s no-one there.
He comes back down to find all the off duty police waiting
at the door, along with a troubled REV. SHOOTER.
FRANK
Nicholas, what is it?

ANGEL
Sir, I think all these deaths are
linked. Tim Messenger was murdered.
REV. SHOOTER
Who could do something like this?

WAINNRIGHT
Maybe it was the swan.

CARTWRIGHT
Apparently they can break a man’s
arm.

WAINWRIGHT
Or blow up a man’s house.

ANGEL
Look-

FRANK
Whoa there Nicholas. Let me get
this straight. Are you saying this
is a crime scene?

ANGEL
Yes sir, I am.

FRANK
Very well. Detectives, start
interviewing everyone who was at
the fete. Sgt Fisher, secure the
area, PC Thatcher, get the CSI down
here. PC Walker patrol the
churchyard with Saxon. Nicholas,
Danny...you know what to do.
90.


EXT. CHURCHYARD - NIGRT
ANGEL and DANNY sit in the rain at the crime scene. DANNY
still wears his cowboy outfit and clutches the MONKEY.
DANNY
Do you really think this is murder?
ANGEL
I just don’t think we should rule
it out.

DANNY
Yeah. I think you’re right.
PC WALKER passes with SAXON.

WALKER
Ifinkyertarkinaloodashitt.

DANNY
He thinks you’re talking a load of
shit. Swings and roundabouts innit?

The ANDES wander past. ANGEL and DANNY get up and approach.

ANGEL
Did you find anything?

WAINWRIGHT
Yes I was extremely shocked when I
looked at my watch and discovered
the pubs were shut.

ANGEL
What about his house? Have you
checked his office? Read his
articles?

CARTWRIGHT
If you want to wade through every
copy of the Sandford bloody
Citizen, be our guest.
ANGEL
It’s your job isn’t it? Detect!

WAINWRIGHT
This isn’t the city, Mister Angel.
Not everyone’s a murdering
psychopath. High time you realised
that. You and your monkey.
91.


The ANDES walk off into the night. DANNY holds up the CUDDLY
MONKEY.
DANNY
Did he mean me or that?

A furious ANGEL puts his head in his hands.
DANNY (cont’d)
Maybe we should go home.

ANGEL
What do you mean?
DANNY
Well, there’s nothing going on is
there?

ANGEL
Have you listened to anything I’ve
said Constable?

DANNY
What do you mean?

ANGEL
Has anything I’ve told you in the
last few weeks got through that
thick skull of yours?

DANNY
Yeah...

ANGEL
Oh really?

DANNY
You said I could be an amazing
policeman officer.
ANGEL
There’s always something going on
Danny and you’ll never be an
amazing police officer until you
understand that.

DANNY
I remembered something else you
said.
ANGEL
And what was that?
92.


DANNY
You don’t know how to switch off.
ANGEL stalks back to his stool and again guards the cordon.
He sits alone in the rain, soaking to the skin.
Genres: ["Mystery","Crime","Comedy"]

Summary On a rainy night at the church, Angel confronts off-duty police officers and Rev. Shooter about the linked deaths, including Tim Messenger's murder. While Angel insists on the seriousness of the situation, his colleagues, particularly Wainwright and Cartwright, dismiss his concerns with light-hearted banter. Tensions rise between Angel and Danny, who struggles to grasp the gravity of the investigation. The scene culminates with Angel sitting alone in the rain, feeling isolated and frustrated by the lack of seriousness from his peers.
Strengths
  • Engaging plot twists
  • Sharp dialogue
  • Effective blend of mystery and comedy elements
Weaknesses
  • Some moments of confusion due to multiple plot threads

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively blends mystery, comedy, and suspense, keeping the audience engaged with unexpected twists and turns.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of investigating a series of mysterious deaths at a local fete is intriguing and well-executed.

Plot: 8

The plot is engaging, with the discovery of a murder at the fete adding a new layer of complexity to the ongoing investigation.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the murder mystery genre by blending humor with suspense and creating complex characters with unique personalities. The dialogue feels authentic and adds depth to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 7

The characters are well-defined and their interactions add depth to the scene, especially the contrasting investigative styles of Angel and the Andes.

Character Changes: 6

There is some development in the characters' understanding of the situation and their roles in the investigation.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to solve the murders and connect the deaths in the town. This reflects his need for justice and his desire to protect the community.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to investigate the crime scene and gather evidence. This reflects the immediate challenge of solving the murder mystery and maintaining order in the town.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

There is a high level of conflict present, both in the investigation and the interactions between characters, adding tension to the scene.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting viewpoints among the characters and a sense of uncertainty about the outcome of the investigation. The audience is kept guessing.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are raised with the discovery of a murder at the fete, increasing the urgency and danger for the characters.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by introducing a new murder and escalating the stakes for the characters.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in the dialogue and character interactions. The audience is kept on their toes, unsure of how the mystery will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between the protagonist's belief that everyone is a potential suspect and the other officers' belief that not everyone in the town is a murderer. This challenges the protagonist's worldview and approach to solving crimes.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The scene elicits a mix of emotions, from tension to humor, but the emotional impact is not the primary focus.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is sharp, witty, and drives the scene forward, showcasing the different personalities and conflicts among the characters.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the witty dialogue, intriguing mystery, and dynamic character interactions. The tension and suspense keep the audience invested in the story.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by balancing dialogue, action, and suspense. The rhythm keeps the audience engaged and builds tension.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting. It is easy to follow and visually engaging.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a mystery genre screenplay, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the tension following the tragic event, with Angel's determination to investigate the deaths contrasting with the off-duty officers' lighthearted banter. However, the humor feels somewhat misplaced given the gravity of the situation, which could undermine the emotional weight of the scene.
  • Angel's frustration with his colleagues is palpable, but the dialogue could benefit from more specificity to enhance character development. For instance, instead of generic banter about the swan, the characters could reference specific incidents or local lore that would ground their humor in the context of the village.
  • Danny's character is portrayed as somewhat oblivious, which is consistent with his previous behavior, but his dialogue could be more impactful. His responses often come off as flippant, which may detract from the seriousness of Angel's concerns. A more nuanced reaction could deepen their relationship and highlight the stakes involved.
  • The pacing of the scene feels uneven. The transition from the church steps to the churchyard could be smoother, as it currently feels abrupt. A brief moment of reflection or a visual cue could help bridge the two locations and maintain the scene's momentum.
  • The use of the rain as a visual element is effective in conveying the somber mood, but it could be further emphasized in the dialogue. Characters could comment on the rain, using it as a metaphor for the situation, which would enhance the thematic depth of the scene.
Suggestions
  • Consider revising the banter among the officers to include more specific references to local events or characters, which would make the humor feel more organic and relevant to the story.
  • Enhance Danny's dialogue to reflect a deeper understanding of the situation, perhaps by having him express concern or confusion rather than flippancy, which would create a more compelling dynamic between him and Angel.
  • Smooth the transition between the church steps and the churchyard by adding a moment of reflection for Angel, allowing the audience to feel the weight of the tragedy before moving to the next location.
  • Incorporate more visual and auditory elements related to the rain, such as characters commenting on it or using it to symbolize the mood, to deepen the emotional impact of the scene.
  • Consider adding a moment where Angel reflects on the implications of the murders, perhaps through a brief internal monologue or a conversation with Danny, to further emphasize the seriousness of the situation.



Scene 28 - Uncovering the Mystery
INT. SWAN HOTEL CORRIDOR/BEDROOM - NIGHT
ANGEL approaches his door. He unlocks it and enters. On the
bed is the sodden CUDDLY MONKEY and a card reading -

’This was left for you at reception. Regards Joyce’
ANGEL slumps into a chair, picks up the phone and dials-
INSPECTOR (V.O.)
I’m out of the office at present...

ANGEL spies the Sandford Citizen featuring him on the cover.
He sees the byline ’Words and Pictures by Tim Messenger’.

ANGEL hangs up and [U+FB02]icks through the paper, past
mundane stories; ’Bypass Still Unannounced’, ’Sandford
Family Trees’.

He stops at a feature entitled ’Sandford People’ with an
accompanying photo of George Merchant. A quote reads "This
is just the beginning; I have big plans for Sandford". ANGEL
looks inspired. He grabs his pen and notebook.


EXT/INT. LIERARY - MORNING

ANGEL sits at a table surrounded by archived volumes of the
Sandford Citizen. He [U+FB02]ips through the pages at speed.

We see FLASHCUTS of ANGEL scouring articles, photocopying
relevant pages, highlighting crucial sentences and even
correcting the odd typo. It’s a blizzard of information.

We see ANGEL highlight a sentence reading ’Mr. G. Merchant
has applied for planning permission...’ We see another
headline, ’George Of The Jungle: Merchant Buys Scrubland’.
We see a photo of MARTIN BLOWER outside the Sandford
Playhouse. The headline reads ’From Bar to Verse: Solicitor
Finances Drama Sociecy’.
The pages [U+FB02]ip faster, the words start to blur. There
has never been a more exciting scene in film history.
93.


INT. STATION - MORNING
A glum DANNY sits at a desk. ANGEL enters. DANNY doesn’t
look up. ANGEL struggles with a guilty greeting.
ANGEL
Morning Constable.
DANNY
Alright?

ANGEL
Thanks for the monkey.
DANNY
It’s yours.

ANGEL
Yeah but I won it for you.
(smiles apologetically)
Danny, I think I’m on to something.

DANNY
Are you?

ANGEL
I think with a little bit of
deliberation we can figure out what
links these deaths.

ANGEL slaps a thick bundle of photocopies on the table.

DANNY
We?

ANGEL
I can’t do this by myself Danny.
DANNY looks touched. The ANDES breeze past their desk.

WAINWRIGHT
Morning benders.

CARTWRIGHT
What you up to?

DANNY
Nothing.

The ANDES leave. ANGEL smiles at DANNY.
94.


ANGEL
Come on partner, lets go to work.
FISHER pokes his head out of his office, a note in hand.
FISHER
Sergeant Angel. Someone from London
rang for you.
ANGEL
Tell them I’ll ring ’em back.
Genres: ["Mystery","Crime","Comedy"]

Summary Angel returns to his hotel room to find a soggy Cuddly Monkey and a note from Joyce, which leads him to investigate a newspaper article featuring him. He frantically searches through archived articles in a library, piecing together a larger mystery involving recent deaths. The next morning, at the police station, Angel encourages Danny to join him in solving the case, despite Danny's initial reluctance. Their partnership begins to form as Angel's determination inspires Danny to take action.
Strengths
  • Engaging blend of mystery and comedy
  • Well-developed characters
  • Intriguing investigation
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue may be overly expository
  • Lack of diversity in character interactions

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively blends mystery, comedy, and investigation, keeping the audience engaged and intrigued. The interactions between characters are entertaining, and the focus on unraveling the mystery adds depth to the storyline.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of investigating a series of mysterious deaths in a small town is compelling and sets the stage for further developments in the plot. The scene effectively introduces the central mystery and establishes the tone for the rest of the story.

Plot: 7

The plot advances as Angel delves deeper into the investigation, uncovering new clues and connections between the deaths. The scene sets up important plot points and builds suspense for future events.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the detective genre by combining elements of mystery, comedy, and character development. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and contribute to the overall originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters, particularly Angel and Danny, are well-developed and engaging. Their interactions add depth to the scene and provide insight into their personalities and motivations.

Character Changes: 6

There is a moderate level of character development in the scene, particularly for Angel as he becomes more determined to solve the mystery. The interactions between characters also reveal new facets of their personalities.

Internal Goal: 8

Angel's internal goal is to uncover the truth behind the recent deaths in Sandford and to prove himself as a competent police officer. This reflects his need for validation, justice, and a sense of purpose.

External Goal: 7

Angel's external goal is to solve the mystery of the deaths in Sandford and to work with Danny to uncover any connections between them. This reflects the immediate challenge he is facing in his new role as a police officer in a small town.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

There is a moderate level of conflict in the scene, primarily stemming from the investigation into the deaths and the tensions between characters. The conflict drives the story forward and adds intrigue to the narrative.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to challenge the characters' beliefs and motivations, creating conflict and driving the plot forward.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are moderately high in the scene, as Angel and Danny investigate a series of mysterious deaths and uncover new clues that could lead to dangerous revelations. The tension and suspense are heightened as the characters delve deeper into the mystery.

Story Forward: 8

The scene effectively moves the story forward by introducing new clues, advancing the investigation, and setting up future plot developments. The audience gains important insights into the central mystery and the characters' motivations.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in the investigation, the dynamic between the characters, and the evolving mystery that keeps the audience guessing.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

There is a philosophical conflict between Angel's dedication to his job and his need for teamwork and collaboration. This challenges his belief in individual responsibility and highlights the importance of working together to achieve a common goal.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The scene elicits a moderate level of emotional impact, particularly in moments of tension and revelation. The audience is drawn into the mystery and invested in the characters' journey to uncover the truth.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is witty and engaging, capturing the humor and tension of the scene. The interactions between characters drive the story forward and reveal important information about the investigation.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its fast-paced action, witty dialogue, and intriguing mystery that keeps the audience invested in the characters and their investigation.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a balance of action, dialogue, and visual storytelling that maintains tension and momentum throughout.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and easy to follow, with concise descriptions and dialogue that flow smoothly.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a traditional structure for a detective story, with a setup, conflict, and resolution that advances the plot and develops the characters.


Critique
  • The scene effectively transitions from the previous moment of tension and isolation to a more focused investigation, showcasing Angel's determination. However, the emotional weight of Angel's solitude could be further emphasized by incorporating more internal conflict or reflection on his feelings about the recent events.
  • The introduction of the soggy Cuddly Monkey serves as a humorous and light-hearted element, contrasting with the darker themes of the investigation. While this juxtaposition is effective, it may benefit from a clearer connection to Angel's emotional state or the gravity of the situation he is facing.
  • The dialogue between Angel and Danny is functional but lacks depth. While it conveys the necessary information, it could be enhanced by adding subtext or emotional stakes that reflect their evolving partnership and the tension surrounding the investigation.
  • The montage of Angel researching in the library is visually engaging, but the description could be more dynamic. Instead of stating that it’s a 'blizzard of information,' consider using more vivid imagery or metaphors to convey the frenetic energy of Angel's search for answers.
  • The scene's pacing is somewhat uneven. The transition from the library to the station feels abrupt. A smoother transition could help maintain the momentum and emotional arc, perhaps by including a moment of reflection or a brief interaction with a library staff member that highlights Angel's urgency.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief internal monologue for Angel as he discovers the newspaper article, allowing the audience to connect more deeply with his motivations and emotional state.
  • Enhance the dialogue between Angel and Danny by incorporating more personal stakes or emotional resonance, perhaps reflecting on their friendship or the weight of the investigation on their partnership.
  • Revise the library montage to include more sensory details and dynamic actions, such as Angel's physical reactions to the information he uncovers, to create a more immersive experience for the audience.
  • Introduce a moment of tension or conflict in the station when Angel presents his findings to Danny, perhaps by having Danny express doubt or concern, which could deepen their relationship and highlight the stakes of the investigation.
  • Consider ending the scene with a stronger hook or cliffhanger that propels the narrative forward, such as a new piece of evidence that Angel discovers or a sudden interruption that raises the stakes.



Scene 29 - Local Connections Uncovered
EXT. HIGH STREET - DAY
DANNY and ANGEL walk their beat, striding in perfect time.

ANGEL
Tim Messenger.

DANNY
Go.

ANGEL
Editor and journalist for The
Sandford Citizen.

DANNY
Uh-huh.

ANGEL
Fondness for puns.

DANNY
Go on.

ANGEL
Terrible speller.

DANNY
Oh yeah?

ANGEL
Rut nevertheless had uncovered
important information about...


INT/EXT. SQUAD CAR - DAY
ANGEL and DANNY neglect their speed gun duty.
95.


DANNY
George Merchant.
ANGEL
Self made millionaire.

DANNY
Ch-ching.
ANGEL
Fancied himself as a property
developer.
DANNY
Uh-huh.
ANGEL
Had big plans for Sandford.

DANNY
Pissed on the [U+FB02]oor in the
Crown.

ANGEL
But more importantly, was a good
friend and client of...


INT/EXT. STREET - DAY

ANGEL and DANNY walk the beat again.

ANGEL
Martin Blower.

DANNY
Affirmatron.

ANGEL
Respected solicitor and leading
light of the local drama society.
DANNY
Bad actor.
ANGEL
Undoubtedly.
DANNY
Bad driver.
96.

ANGEL
Not necessarily.
DANNY
Cheated on his missus.

ANGEL
Most certainly and we both know who
with?


EXT. SQUAD CAR - DAY
ANGEL and DANNY drive back to the sation.
DANNY
Eve Draper.

ANGEL
Blower’s leading lady.

DANNY
(Whistles)

ANGEL
Distinctive laugh.

DANNY
Oh yes.

ANGEL
Liked older men.

DANNY
Fingered.

ANGEL
But crucially, where did she work?

DANNY
Council.

ANGEL
Specifically?

DANNY
The department of planning and
development.
ANGEL
Where George Merchant had secured
permission to build his dubious
mansion on Norris Avenue.
97.

DANNY
So...
Genres: ["Comedy","Mystery","Crime"]

Summary Danny and Angel patrol the high street, engaging in a humorous dialogue about local figures tied to a potential case. They discuss Tim Messenger, George Merchant's questionable property dealings, and Martin Blower's affair with Eve Draper, revealing their interconnections. The scene highlights their camaraderie and investigative skills as they piece together vital information before driving back to the station.
Strengths
  • Witty dialogue
  • Informative exposition
  • Engaging character interactions
Weaknesses
  • Lack of emotional depth
  • Minimal character development

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively blends comedy and mystery elements, providing important information about the case while keeping the audience engaged with witty dialogue and character interactions.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of investigating a series of mysterious deaths in a small town is intriguing and well-executed in this scene. The focus on key characters and their relationships adds depth to the plot.

Plot: 7

The plot progresses as Angel and Danny discuss the connections between key characters and recent deaths, setting the stage for further investigation. The scene effectively sets up the mystery and builds suspense.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces unique character relationships and dynamics within a small town setting. The dialogue feels authentic and reveals the characters' personalities effectively.


Character Development

Characters: 9

Angel and Danny's dynamic is engaging, with witty banter and humorous interactions. The scene also introduces key supporting characters like Tim Messenger and Martin Blower, adding depth to the story.

Character Changes: 4

There is minimal character change in this scene, as Angel and Danny maintain their witty banter and investigative focus. However, their suspicions and curiosity hint at potential character development in future scenes.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to uncover important information about various town members and their relationships. This reflects their desire for justice, truth, and maintaining order in the community.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to solve a mystery or potential crime related to the characters mentioned in the scene. This reflects the immediate challenge they're facing in maintaining law and order in the town.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

While there is no direct conflict in this scene, there is a sense of tension and suspense as Angel and Danny discuss the mysterious deaths and their suspicions about the key characters involved.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create conflict and suspense, adding depth to the characters' interactions and motivations.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are raised as Angel and Danny uncover connections between key characters and recent deaths, hinting at a larger conspiracy or danger lurking in the small town.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by providing important information about the case and setting up key plot points for future investigation. It deepens the mystery and intrigue surrounding the deaths.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected revelations about the characters and their relationships, keeping the audience intrigued.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict revolves around the balance between personal relationships and professional duties. The protagonist must navigate between their personal feelings towards the town members and their responsibility as a law enforcement officer.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 5

The scene does not have a high emotional impact, focusing more on humor and mystery. However, there is a sense of intrigue and curiosity that engages the audience.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is witty, informative, and reveals important plot details in a humorous manner. It showcases the characters' personalities and relationships effectively.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the witty dialogue, character dynamics, and the mystery surrounding the relationships between the town members.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and revealing information gradually, keeping the audience invested in the story.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with distinct beats and transitions between locations. It maintains a good pace and keeps the audience engaged.


Critique
  • The scene effectively utilizes a conversational format between Angel and Danny, showcasing their camaraderie and the investigative nature of their work. However, the dialogue could benefit from more distinct character voices to enhance their individuality. Currently, both characters sound somewhat similar, which can make it harder for the audience to differentiate between them.
  • The scene's pacing is generally good, but it could be improved by varying the rhythm of the dialogue. The repetitive structure of 'Angel states a fact, Danny responds' can become monotonous. Introducing interruptions, jokes, or even moments of silence could create a more dynamic exchange.
  • While the scene provides important exposition about local characters, it risks feeling like a list rather than an engaging narrative. The audience may struggle to stay invested if they perceive the dialogue as merely informative. Incorporating more personal anecdotes or emotional reactions to the characters being discussed could enhance engagement.
  • The humor in the dialogue is present but could be sharpened. Some lines feel flat or underdeveloped, such as 'Pissed on the floor in the Crown.' This could be an opportunity for a more humorous or clever punchline that reflects the characters' personalities and the absurdity of the situation.
  • The transitions between locations (from walking to the squad car and back) could be more fluid. Currently, they feel somewhat abrupt. Adding visual or auditory cues that signify the change in setting could help maintain the flow of the scene.
Suggestions
  • Consider giving each character a more distinct voice or mannerism to make their dialogue more recognizable. This could involve varying their speech patterns, using different slang, or incorporating personal quirks.
  • Introduce more varied pacing in the dialogue. Allow for interruptions, overlapping dialogue, or moments of silence to create a more natural and engaging conversation.
  • Instead of listing facts about the characters, try to weave in personal stories or emotional reactions that reveal more about Angel and Danny's perspectives on these individuals. This will make the exposition feel more organic.
  • Enhance the humor by refining punchlines and ensuring they align with the characters' personalities. Consider using callbacks or running gags that can add layers to the humor.
  • Smooth out the transitions between locations by incorporating visual elements or actions that signify the change, such as Angel adjusting his uniform as they enter the squad car or Danny making a joke about the drive.



Scene 30 - A Birthday Interrupted
INT. STATION - EVENING
Back in the office, the energy [U+FB02]ags. DANNY has his
head on ANGEL the table, ANGEL [U+FB02]icks endlessly through
his notes.

DANNY
Tim Messenger was onto something
about George Merchant who was into
something with Martin Blower who
was up to something with Eve
Draper.
ANGEL
And Simon Skinner has something to
do with it all.

DANNY
But he runs the local supermarket.

ANGEL
So?

DANNY
I don’t know, I mean, maybe it was
all accidents. People have
accidents everyday. Gary Butcher
drowned in his own septic tank the
other week.

ANGEL puts his head on the table too. FRANK swings by.

FRANK
What are you two up to?

ANGEL
Nothing.
FRANK
Well, look sharp. There’s been
reports of a fire in the station.
ANGEL
What?!
DORIS produces a cake with a single candle stuck in it. The
other officers gather round, singing ’Happy Birthday’. ANGEL
then notices cards and banners that have clearly been there
the whole day. All reading ’Happy Birthday Danny’.
98.


ANGEL (cont’d)
You should have said something.
DANNY
We were working weren’t we?

ANGEL is ashamed of himself. He slinks away to the door.
DANNY (cont’d)
Where you going?

ANGEL
Personal errand.


EXT. STATION - EVENING

The squad car races along a street, lights [U+FB02]ashing.


EXT. FLORISTS/NURSERY - EVENING

ANGEL pulls up outside ’mourns as LESLIE’ and puts his
notebook emphatically on the dashboard.

ANGEL arrives at the door as LESLIE TILLER is shutting up.

ANGEL
Oh Miss Tiller, I was wondering,
have you got any Peace Lilies?

LESLIE TILLER
Of course. I was just about to pop
off actually.


INT. FLORIST/NURSERY - EVENING
LESLIE TILLER cuts wrapping paper with large garden shears.
LESLIE TILLER
I can never find my scissors. Is
this for someone special?
ANGEL
Yes. Yes it is.

ANGEL spies packing crates and boxes on the [U+FB02]oor.
ANGEL (cont’d)
Are you going somewhere Miss
Tiller?
99.


LESLIE TILLER
No. Well, yes. I’m moving away.
It’s all a bit out of the blue. I
was planning to disappear quietly
actually. I do so hate goodbyes.

ANGEL
And why the move, if you don’t mind
me asking?
LESLIE TILLER
Well, just between you and I...
LESLIE TILLER seems a little edgy. ANGEL is intrigued.
ANGEL
Yes?

LESLIE TILLER
You know that fella who blew up?

ANGEL
George Merchant.

LESLIE TILLER
That’s him, well George Merchant -
god rest him - he wanted to buy
this land, so he sends round his
legal fella Martin Blower - god
rest him - I thought I might take
them up on it, because I’ve been
thinking about moving for some
time, I haven’t really got that
much family round here, save for
Cousin Sissy. And while the
’Village Of The Year’ stuff is
great and everything, I don’t
really see anything from it, so I
thought I might take them up on the
offer and move to Buford Abbey.
Would you like a card with this?

ANGEL
No, it’s okay. You were saying
about the offer?

LESLIE TILLER
Well, it turns out that Martin
Blower - god rest him - knew where
the new bypass road is going
because he was knocking off Eve
Draper from the council - god rest
her - then that reporter - god rest
(MORE)
100.

LESLIE TILLER (cont’d)
him - finds out about the route and
tells me the land’s very valuable,
ten times what George Merchant and
Martin Blower - god rest them -
offered me. So with them having
passed on and me still owning the
land, I decided to sell it on
myself to some folks from the city
that Martin, George and Eve - god
rest the lot of them - had been
talking to, apparently they want to
build a big shopping centre or
something, of course Cousin Sissy
won’t be too happy about that, but
as far as I’m concerned -
ANGEL pats his pockets for his note book.

ANGEL
Would you excuse me for one second?

LESLIE TILLEE
Of course.
Genres: ["Mystery","Comedy","Crime"]

Summary In the police station office, Danny and Angel discuss mysterious connections among local figures when Doris surprises Danny with a birthday cake, shifting the mood from tension to celebration. Feeling guilty for forgetting, Angel leaves to make amends and visits florist Leslie Tiller, who shares insights about the deceased George Merchant and hints at a valuable land deal. The scene captures a blend of exhaustion, celebration, and regret as Angel seeks to gather more information.
Strengths
  • Reveals important plot information
  • Engaging dialogue with a mix of humor and seriousness
  • Develops character relationships and motivations
Weaknesses
  • Lack of significant emotional impact
  • Moderate level of conflict

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively combines mystery, comedy, and crime elements to advance the plot and reveal important information, keeping the audience engaged and intrigued.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the land deal and its implications for the characters is well-developed and adds depth to the storyline.

Plot: 7

The plot progresses as key information about the characters and their motivations is revealed, setting the stage for further developments in the story.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces fresh and unexpected plot twists, with characters who have unique motivations and secrets. The dialogue is authentic and engaging, adding depth to the story.


Character Development

Characters: 7

The characters are fleshed out through their interactions and revelations about their involvement in the land deal, adding complexity to their personalities.

Character Changes: 6

There is some character development as the motivations and connections of the characters are revealed, leading to a shift in their dynamics.

Internal Goal: 8

Danny's internal goal is to uncover the truth behind the mysterious events in the town. He is driven by a desire for justice and a need to solve the puzzle that has been presented to him.

External Goal: 7

Danny's external goal is to investigate the fire at the station and the potential connection to the larger conspiracy in the town. He is focused on solving the immediate problem at hand.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

There is a moderate level of conflict present, mainly stemming from the revelations about the characters' involvement in the land deal.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with characters facing moral dilemmas and conflicting values. The audience is left uncertain about the characters' true intentions and motivations.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are raised as the characters' involvement in the land deal is exposed, adding tension and complexity to the narrative.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by providing crucial information about the land deal and setting the stage for further developments.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected revelations and twists in the characters' motivations and actions. The audience is kept on their toes, unsure of what will happen next.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the themes of greed, power, and deception. The characters are faced with moral dilemmas and conflicting values as they navigate the complex web of relationships and motives in the town.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The scene elicits a mix of emotions, from intrigue to amusement, but does not have a significant emotional impact.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is engaging, with a mix of humor and seriousness that reflects the tone of the scene and enhances character dynamics.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its mix of suspense, humor, and drama. The characters are intriguing, and the plot twists keep the audience guessing.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and suspense. The rhythm of the dialogue and action sequences keeps the audience engaged and invested in the story.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions. The dialogue is formatted correctly, enhancing readability.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with well-defined character interactions and plot progression. It maintains a good pace and rhythm, keeping the audience engaged.


Critique
  • The scene effectively transitions from the previous tension-filled moments to a lighter, more comedic tone with the birthday celebration for Danny. This contrast helps to maintain the audience's engagement, but it could benefit from a smoother transition to avoid jarring shifts in tone.
  • Danny's dialogue about the connections between local figures is a good way to provide exposition, but it feels somewhat convoluted. Simplifying this dialogue could enhance clarity and keep the audience focused on the main plot points without losing the humor.
  • Angel's reaction to the birthday celebration is relatable and adds depth to his character, showcasing his dedication to work over personal relationships. However, his shame could be emphasized more dramatically to heighten the emotional impact of the moment.
  • The introduction of Leslie Tiller adds intrigue, but her dialogue is overly verbose and could be streamlined. While her backstory is important, it risks losing the audience's attention due to its length and complexity.
  • The use of 'god rest him' repeatedly in Leslie's dialogue is humorous but may come off as excessive. It could be more effective if used sparingly to maintain its comedic effect without becoming repetitive.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of reflection for Angel before the birthday surprise, allowing the audience to feel his internal conflict about work versus personal connections more deeply.
  • Revise Danny's exposition to make it more concise and impactful. Perhaps use bullet points or a list format in his dialogue to clarify the connections between the characters.
  • Enhance the emotional weight of Angel's shame by including a visual cue, such as a close-up of his face or a moment of silence before he leaves the room.
  • Streamline Leslie's dialogue by focusing on the key points of her story. Consider breaking it up with Angel's reactions or questions to keep the pacing brisk.
  • Limit the use of 'god rest him' to a few key moments in Leslie's dialogue to maintain its comedic punch and avoid redundancy.



Scene 31 - Murder in the Nursery
EXT. FLORIST/NURSERY - NIGHT

ANGEL leaves the [U+FB02]orist. He runs back to the car to
get his pocketbook. In the background we can see LESLIE
TILLER wrapping the [U+FB02]owers - but we can also see -

The CLOAKED FIGURE slips in from the back room of the shop,
grabs the shears and plunges them into LESLIE TILLER’s
throat. Blood spurts all over the counter and front window.

ANGEL turns back to see...TILLER dead. Shears in her neck.
The blood. A SHADOW disappearing into the stock room...

ANGEL
Stop. In the name of the law!

ANGEL runs towards the [U+FB02]orist, throwing his trunoheon
at the window. It shatters a second before he jumps through.


INT/EXT. FLORIST/NURSERY - NIGHT

ANGEL runs into the stock room, to see the CLOAKED FIGURE
running through the aisles of the stock room. He gives
chase.

SMASH. The CLOAKED FIGURE jumps through a greenhouse window,
catching their leg on the frame.
101.


ANGEL is almost on top of him and jumps through the newly
smashed window. Landing, he looks up to see the FIGURE now a
good 50 metres ahead, running towards a greenhouse and
knocking garden furniture in its wake.

ANGEL sprints off again, bursting into the greenhouse and
gaining on the CLOAKED EIGUEE. Both knock plants asunder.
The CLOAKED EIGURE slices through a mesh door with a knife
and disappears over a hedge at the nursery perimeter.

ANGEL reaches the final hedge to find the CLOAKED FIGURE,
now 100 metres away, sprinting across a cricket pitch.
A breathless ANGEL stands at the hedge, confused and amazed.


EXT. FLORISTS/NURSERY - NIGHT

Back at the [U+FB02]orist. ANGEL and FISHER stare at LESLIE
TILLER who lies dead, shears protruding from her neck.

FISHER
Hang about, hang about. You’re
saying this wasn’t an accident?


INT. STATION - NIGHT

ANGEL
LESLIE TILLER WAS MURDERED!

The assembled officers look at ANGEL as if he is insane.

CARTWRIGHT
What just like Tim Messenger?
ANGEL
Yes!

WAINWRIGHT
And George Merchant?
ANGEL
Yes!

CARTWRIGHT
And Eve Draper?
ANGEL scrawls on a piece of paper the word ’YES’.
102.


ANGEL
Yes!
WAINWRIGHT
And Martin Blower?

ANGEL
No, actually.
WAINWRIGHT
Really?

CARTWRIGHT
Really?
ANGEL
COURSE HE FUCKING WAS!

DANNY pops a coin in the swearbox.

ANGEL (cont’d)
Thank you Danny.

WAINWRIGHT
Oh Murder. Murder. Murder. Change
the fucking record.

CARTWRIGHT pops a coin in the swearbox for WAINWRIGHT.

WAINWRIGHT (cont’d)
Thank you Andy.

FISHER
Yes come on Sergeant, you’ve got to
accept that it was another terrible
accident.

ANGEL
Are you suggesting Leslie Tiller
somehow tripped and fell on her own
shears?
FISHER
Ben Fletcher fell on his pitchfork
the other week.

DORIS THATCHER
People have accidents everyday.
What makes you think it was murder?
ANGEL
Because I was there.
103.


CARTWRIGHT
Yeah, that’s a point. Why were you
there?
ANGEL
I was buying a Japanese Peace Lily
for Constable Butterman’s birthday.
WAINWRIGHT
What absolute horseshit.

ANGEL
Look, I chased a suspect from the
scene. Innocent people don’t run.
FISHER
It might have been our old friend
the cactus thief again.

DORIS THATCHER
Yeah, he was a prickly customer.

Everyone laughs. ANGEL crumples against the nonsense.

ANGEL
Am I going completely mad?

WAINWRIGHT
Maybe you are?

CAEIWRIGHT
Ieah, maybe you killed her, seeing
as you’re such a big fan of murder.

ANGEL
What!?
FRANK (O.S.)
Sergeant Angel?

ANGEL
YES....sir?
FRANK ushers ANGEL into his office and shuts the blinds.
FRANK
Nicholas, Nicholas, Nicholas, what
am I going to do with you?
ANGEL
Chief, you’ve got to understand-
104.

FRANK
No, you have to understand, the
boys here aren’t used to the
concepts you’re bandying about.
(off Angel’s look)
The ’M’ word, Nicholas. There
hasn’t been a recorded murder in
Sandford for 20 years.

ANGEL
But I’m sure sir. And what’s more,
I know who did it.
FRANK
I hope you’re not going to say who
I think you’re going say.
Genres: ["Mystery","Crime","Thriller","Comedy"]

Summary Angel witnesses the shocking murder of Leslie Tiller by a cloaked figure at a florist/nursery. He pursues the assailant but fails to catch them. Back at the police station, Angel passionately argues that Tiller's death was a murder, referencing other suspicious deaths in the village. However, his colleagues, including Fisher, Cartwright, and Wainwright, dismiss his claims as absurd, leading to a heated confrontation with his superior, Frank, who questions Angel's sanity and the village's history of no recorded murders.
Strengths
  • Engaging blend of mystery and comedy
  • Sharp dialogue and witty banter
  • High stakes and suspenseful pursuit
Weaknesses
  • Some elements of the scene may be predictable for seasoned mystery viewers

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively blends suspense, humor, and intrigue to keep the audience engaged. The murder mystery plot adds depth to the story, while the comedic elements provide moments of levity.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a murder mystery unfolding in a small town setting is engaging and keeps the audience guessing. The scene introduces a new murder and raises the stakes for the protagonist.

Plot: 8

The plot advances significantly with the introduction of a new murder and the protagonist's determination to solve the case. The scene adds complexity to the overall story and deepens the mystery.

Originality: 9

The scene is original in its blend of dark humor, suspenseful action, and quirky characters. The dialogue feels authentic and the plot twists are unexpected, adding to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 7

The characters continue to develop, with Sergeant Angel showing his dedication to solving the case despite facing skepticism from his colleagues. The banter between the officers adds depth to their relationships.

Character Changes: 7

Sergeant Angel's determination to solve the murder case showcases his growth as a character, as he faces increasing challenges and skepticism from his colleagues.

Internal Goal: 8

Angel's internal goal is to solve the murder of Leslie Tiller and prove that it was not an accident. This reflects his need for justice, his fear of being seen as insane, and his desire to uphold the law.

External Goal: 7

Angel's external goal is to catch the cloaked figure who murdered Leslie Tiller. This reflects the immediate challenge he faces in chasing down a suspect and solving the crime.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict in the scene is high, with Sergeant Angel facing resistance from his colleagues and the challenge of solving a murder mystery in a town where such crimes are rare.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Angel facing resistance from his colleagues and the town's disbelief in his theory. The audience is left wondering how Angel will overcome these obstacles.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in the scene, as Sergeant Angel must navigate skepticism, solve a murder mystery, and uncover the truth behind a series of suspicious deaths in the town.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by introducing a new murder, deepening the mystery, and raising the stakes for the protagonist. It sets the stage for further developments in the investigation.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected murder, the chase sequence, and the plot twists. The audience is kept on their toes, unsure of what will happen next.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict is between Angel's belief in justice and the town's acceptance of accidents as the cause of death. This challenges Angel's values and worldview, as he struggles to convince others of his theory.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene elicits a range of emotions, from tension and confusion to amusement and intrigue. The murder of Leslie Tiller adds a sense of urgency and danger to the story.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is sharp, witty, and engaging, capturing the humor and tension of the scene. The banter between characters adds to the dynamic of the investigation.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its fast-paced action, witty dialogue, and suspenseful plot. The chase sequence and the interactions between the characters keep the audience hooked.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is fast and intense, with a good balance of action, dialogue, and suspense. The rhythm keeps the audience engaged and invested in the story.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene headings, action lines, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a mystery thriller genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm contribute to its effectiveness.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension with the shocking murder of Leslie Tiller, immediately engaging the audience. However, the transition from the murder to Angel's chase feels slightly rushed. More emphasis on Angel's emotional reaction to witnessing the murder could enhance the stakes and deepen the audience's connection to his character.
  • The dialogue among the officers after the murder is humorous, which contrasts sharply with the gravity of the situation. While humor is a hallmark of the script, it may undermine the seriousness of the murder investigation. Balancing the humor with more moments of genuine concern or disbelief from the officers could create a more impactful scene.
  • Angel's insistence that the deaths are linked is a strong narrative thread, but the officers' dismissive attitudes come off as overly comedic. This could risk making Angel appear paranoid rather than determined. A more nuanced portrayal of the officers' skepticism—perhaps showing some genuine concern or confusion—could add depth to the conflict.
  • The pacing of the scene is uneven. The initial action sequence with the chase is fast-paced and exciting, but the subsequent dialogue drags slightly. Tightening the dialogue and ensuring it flows more naturally could maintain the momentum established in the chase.
  • The use of the swearbox adds a comedic element, but it may detract from the urgency of the situation. Consider whether this element serves the scene or if it could be replaced with more serious reactions from the officers that reflect the gravity of the murder.
Suggestions
  • Expand on Angel's emotional response to witnessing the murder. This could be done through internal monologue or a brief moment of shock before he takes action.
  • Consider reducing the amount of humor in the officers' dialogue immediately following the murder. Instead, allow for a moment of silence or disbelief to emphasize the seriousness of the situation.
  • Introduce a character among the officers who shows some concern or curiosity about Angel's claims, creating a more balanced dynamic and allowing for a more engaging debate about the possibility of murder.
  • Tighten the dialogue to ensure it flows smoothly and maintains the scene's pacing. Aim for concise exchanges that keep the tension high while still allowing for character development.
  • Evaluate the use of the swearbox and determine if it enhances or detracts from the scene. If it feels out of place, consider replacing it with more serious reactions that reflect the officers' shock or confusion regarding the murder.



Scene 32 - Confrontation in the Office
INT. SKINNER’S OFFICE - NIGHT

ANGEL
Could I see the manager please?

ANGEL and co. burst into SKINNER’s office to find the
CHECKOUT GIRL chewing gum. She intones into the tannoy.

CHECKOUT GIRL
Mr. Skinner to the manager’s office
please. Managers office. Mr.
Skinner.


INT. SKINNER’S GEFICE - NIGHT

The cops are all crammed into the office. ANGEL stands
purposefully. Various employees look through the office
window.

SKINNER
Sergeant Angel. Officers. To what
do I owe this pleasure?

ANGEL
I’m arresting you on suspicion of
the murder of Leslie Tiller.
SKINNER
Leslie Tiller is dead? How?
FISHER
She tripped and fell on her own
shears.
ANGEL throws a pen at FISHER’s head. He yelps.
105.


ANGEL
I’m also arresting you on suspicion
of the murders of Tim Messenger on
May 1st, George Merchant on April
29th and Eve Draper and Martin
Blower on April 28th.
SKINNER
Why on earth would I want to do
that Sergeant?

ANGEL
I’m glad you asked.
The following is illustrated with oodles of FLASHCUTS. It
looks pretty damn cool, for a British film.

ANGEL (cont’d)
My suspicions were [U+FB02]rst
aroused when you appeared at the
scene of the Blower/Draper deaths,
on the outskirts of Sandford,
despite living and working in the
centre of the village. I couldn’t
help recall your comments at the
theatre the previous evening, when
you not only indicated your
awareness of the couple’s affair
but also inferred that Ms. Draper’s
connections at the council might
make her privy to important
information. You yourself spoke of
"bashing her head in". Perhaps
hoping you might discover the route
for the proposed Sandford Bypass.
You were already suspicious that
Blower’s client George Merchant was
buying up an area of land on the
edge of the village, after a story
Tim Messenger ran in the Citizen.
You put two and two together after
noting Merchant’s use of your car
park to visit Blower who you knew
all too well had an inside
connection at the council. The land
Merchant was buying up had no
particular value as it was but if
it were to be made accessible by a
new road, it would become an ideal
location for perhaps, a retail
park. Consumed with concern for
your business and potential
disloyalty from fickle customers
(MORE)
106.

ANGEL (cont’d)
whom you yourself stated the desire
to behead, you killed the potential
competition in cold blood, staging
the murders as accidents. You used
a vehicle removal truck to stage
the Blower/Draper crash and
incinerated an old man in his
house, covering your tracks with
the judicial application of bacon
and beans. However, there was a
loose end. Tim Messenger foolishly
confronted you at the village fete,
after his own investigations lead
him to the same conclusions. So you
silenced him, before he could voice
his concerns to me but not before
he had told Leslie Tiller about the
true value of her land. Upon
discovering that she was about to
sell up to the developers, you
brutally murdered her with her own
shears and made your escape
utilising your impressive prize
winning skills as a fun runner.

ANGEL finishes his summation, by resting his hand on a ’fun
run’ trophy. The room is astonished. SKINNER claps slowly.

SKINNER
Very entertaining, Sergeant Angel.
But I rather think you’ve been
watching too many films.

DANNY
He hasn’t.
SKINNER
Why would I kill Leslie? You
clearly aren’t aware we’re related.

ANGEL
Oh but I am, ’Cousin Sissy’.
ANGEL slaps down a photocopied sheet of a family tree
article from the ’Sandford Citizen’. Highlighted are Skinner
and Tiller’s connected names. SKINNER scoffs.
SKINNER
I’m afraid my nickname of Sissy is
only a revelation to yourself. My
teenage years studying ballet are
well known.
107.


WAINWRIGHT
Yeah Sissy Skinner.
CARTWEIGHT
What a gaylord!

SKINNER
Thank you Andrews. Despite my
comment about beheading customers,
what we here on Planet Sandford
like to refer to as ’a joke’ I
would personally relish the
competition of another store.
Anything to energise my workforce.
SKINNEE gesticulates to his gormless minions outside.

ANGEL
You would relish the competition.
Especially if it was yourself. As
Miss Tiller’s only cousin, you’re
set to inherit her land, on which
you plan to build a Summeraisles
Express. The perfect one stop shop
for bypass traffic.

ANGEL points to the sketch of a new store on the wall.

SEINNER
These sketches are just pipe
dreams. Anyway, what makes you
think I could dislodge part of the
church roof? Or for that matter
stage a car crash?

ANGEL
It’s a well known fact that the
church roof is severely in need of
repair. As for the car, isn’t it
true that two of your employees
also operate the council’s vehicle
removal truck?
ANGEL points to the GRUFF LOOKING BUTCHERS. They are the
same GRUFF LOOKING MEN from the removal vehicle earlier.

SKINNER
Sergeant, this is the 21st Century,
I’ll think you find that many
people hold down several jobs, I
myself host a life drawing class at
the Village Hall.
(nods to Checkout Girl)
(MORE)
108.


SKINNER (cont’d)
Tina here is a table dancer at
Flappers.
ANGEL
The thing is Mr. Skinner, you could
quite easily have obtained access
to the removal vehicle and used it
for your own ends.
SKINNER
These accusations are meaningless
Sergeant, unless you can back them
up with hard evidence.
ANGEL
Well you’ve certainly got me there.
We’d need something conclusive.
Like perhaps a wound you sustained
on a shard of broken glass this
very evening.

ANGEL awkwardly pulls back SKINNER’s trouser legs. Nothing.

SKINNER
Oh Sergeant, this is getting to be
embarrassing. Apart from anything
else, how can I be in several
places at once? I’m sure the
store’s security footage can
absolve me. Do feel free to spool
through.
Genres: ["Crime","Mystery","Comedy"]

Summary In a tense nighttime confrontation in Skinner's office, Angel and his team accuse Skinner of multiple murders, including that of Leslie Tiller, linking him to a motive involving land development. Skinner dismisses the accusations, revealing his familial connection to Tiller and asserting his innocence. The scene is charged with conflict as Angel seeks evidence against Skinner, who counters with skepticism and challenges Angel to prove his claims, leaving the investigation unresolved.
Strengths
  • Sharp dialogue
  • Suspenseful atmosphere
  • Compelling accusations
Weaknesses
  • Some elements may be too complex for casual viewers to follow

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly engaging, with a strong mix of suspense, humor, and drama. The accusation scene is a pivotal moment in the story, revealing crucial information and advancing the plot.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of accusing Skinner of multiple murders based on evidence and connections is well-executed and adds depth to the story. The scene effectively builds tension and sets up further developments.

Plot: 9

The plot is advanced significantly in this scene as Angel presents his accusations and Skinner responds, leading to a confrontation that raises the stakes and adds complexity to the narrative.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the murder mystery genre with its mix of humor and suspense. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters, especially Angel and Skinner, are well-developed in this scene. Angel's determination and intelligence shine through in his accusations, while Skinner's calm demeanor and clever responses add depth to his character.

Character Changes: 7

Angel's character undergoes a subtle change as he confronts Skinner and presents his accusations with confidence and determination. Skinner's character is also revealed in a new light as he responds to the accusations with calmness and wit.

Internal Goal: 9

Angel's internal goal is to uncover the truth behind the murders and bring the culprit to justice. This reflects his deeper desire for justice and righteousness.

External Goal: 8

Angel's external goal is to arrest Skinner for the murders he suspects him of committing. This reflects the immediate challenge he is facing in solving the case.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between Angel and Skinner is intense and multi-layered, with accusations, denials, and revelations driving the tension to a high level. The stakes are raised as the truth is uncovered.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Skinner denying the accusations and challenging Angel's deductions. The audience is left unsure of the outcome.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in this scene as Angel accuses Skinner of multiple murders, revealing a web of deceit and betrayal that could have far-reaching consequences for the characters and the village of Sandford.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by revealing crucial information, advancing the plot, and setting up further conflicts and developments. The accusations against Skinner have far-reaching consequences for the narrative.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists and turns in the investigation. The audience is kept guessing about the true culprit until the end.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between Angel's belief in justice and Skinner's manipulation of the truth for personal gain. This challenges Angel's values and worldview.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene elicits a range of emotions from suspense to amusement to shock, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the outcome. The confrontation between Angel and Skinner is emotionally charged and impactful.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is sharp, witty, and impactful, driving the scene forward and revealing key information about the characters and their motivations. The banter between Angel and Skinner adds tension and humor to the confrontation.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its mix of suspense, humor, and clever deductions. The fast-paced dialogue and sharp exchanges keep the audience hooked.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a good balance of dialogue and action. The rhythm builds tension and keeps the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions. The dialogue is well-formatted and easy to follow.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a mystery genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm contribute to its effectiveness.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension as Angel confronts Skinner, but it could benefit from a clearer emotional arc for Angel. While he is determined, the stakes feel somewhat flat. Adding a personal stake for Angel, such as a connection to one of the victims, could heighten the emotional intensity.
  • The dialogue is witty and filled with humor, which is a hallmark of the script. However, some of the exposition feels a bit heavy-handed, particularly Angel's long monologue detailing Skinner's motives. This could be streamlined to maintain pacing and keep the audience engaged without losing the essence of the investigation.
  • The use of flashcuts is visually interesting but may distract from the dialogue. It could be more effective to use these sparingly to emphasize key moments rather than throughout the entire exposition, allowing the audience to absorb the information without feeling overwhelmed.
  • Skinner's character comes off as somewhat cartoonish, especially with the 'Sissy' nickname and his dismissive attitude. While this fits the comedic tone, it risks undermining the seriousness of the accusations. Balancing his humor with moments of genuine menace could create a more compelling antagonist.
  • The scene's setting in Skinner's office is appropriate, but it could be enhanced with more visual details that reflect Skinner's character and the stakes of the situation. For example, showcasing evidence of his business dealings or personal items that hint at his motivations could add depth.
Suggestions
  • Consider giving Angel a personal connection to one of the victims to raise the stakes and deepen his emotional investment in the case.
  • Streamline Angel's exposition by breaking it into shorter, punchier lines or incorporating reactions from other characters to maintain pacing and engagement.
  • Use flashcuts selectively to highlight key moments or revelations rather than throughout the entire scene, allowing for a more focused narrative.
  • Add layers to Skinner's character by incorporating moments that reveal his darker side, balancing humor with a sense of threat to make him a more formidable antagonist.
  • Enhance the setting with visual details that reflect Skinner's character and the stakes involved, such as evidence of his business dealings or personal items that hint at his motivations.



Scene 33 - Frustration and Insight
INT. SKINNER’S OFFICE - NIGHT

A frustrated ANGEL spools a huge pile of VHS tapes. We see
CCTV images of SKINNER stagily strolling the shop
[U+FB02]oor. The other officers drift out of the office,
grumbling.

Soon only DANNY and FRANK remain. FRANK slaps a hand on
ANGEL’s shoulder and leaves. DANNY picks up another tape.

ANGEL
I can handle this Danny You enjoy
the rest of your birthday.
DANNY
Did you really get me that plant?
109.


ANGEL
Yes, but it’s been impounded as
evidence.
DANNY
Maybe I can still water it.
DANNY leaves as SKINNER apprcaches with LURCH.
SKINNER
Sergeant, I wanted you to know that
if I do indeed now own the land
belonging to Leslie, I intend to
turn it into a memorial garden, in
her honour.
ANGEL
(blows raspberry)
Jog on.

SKINNER
Michael, will you escort the
Sergeant off the premises when he’s
quite finished?

LURCH
Yarp.


INT. SWAN HOTEL DINING - NIGHT

ANGEL eats alone, a broken man. JOYCE serves him wine.

JOYCE CQOPER
I can’t believe Leslie’s dead. How
did it happen again?

ANGEL
She tripped and fell on her own
shears.


INT. STATION LOCKER ROOM - DAY

ANGEL and DANNY are getting into uniform. Retrieving his
cap, ANGEL sees the word ’TWAT’ written on the inside.

DANNY
That wasn’t me.
110.


INT/EXT. SQUAD CAR - DAY
DANNY and ANGEL sit in their usual spot, as the high street
is being decorated with bunting. DANNY leeks at ANGEL, whe
stares off intc space.

DANNY
Look Nicholas. Mr. Treacher’s got
his big coat on again...Want
anything from the shop?

ANGEL
Cornetto.


INT. NEWSAGENT - DAY

DANNY buys two ice-creams from a smirking ANNETTE ROPER.
ANGEL watches on morosely.

ANNETTE RUPER
No luck catching them killers then?

DANNY
It’s just the one killer actually.


EXT. SQUARE - DAY

DANNY throws some change into the fountain. They get into
the squad car, licking their ice creams. ANNETTE’s words
echo in ANGEL’s head; ’No luck catching them killers then?’

Licking his ice cream; ANGEL ponders DANNY’s response; ’It’s
just the one killer actually’. The words resonate.

ANGEL stops eating his ice cream, his eyes go wide.
DANNY
What’s the matter? You got
brainfreeze?
ANGEL
No I got brainwave. Get us back to
the station. Now!

NANNY starts the car, whilst trying to finish as much of his
ice cream as he can. He clutches his head in pain.
DANNY
Arrrgh!
111.

EXT. STATION - DAY
The squad car screeches to a halt in the car park.

ANGEL
It’s more than one person.
FRANK
Come again?

ANGEL
More than one killer.
FRANK
It was Skinner a minute ago.

ANGEL
Maybe it still is. Maybe he’s not
alone. Maybe there are others.

FRANK
Who exactly?

ANGEL
I don’t know but we were buying
Cornettos and it suddenly hit me-

FRANK
You’re an exceptional officer,
Nicholas. Truly exceptional. But
I’ve seen this before.

ANGEL
Sir?

FRANK
Sergeant Popwell. It was exactly
the same thing. You’ve come from a
city where there’s danger round
every corner and it’s driven you
round the bend.

ANGEL visibly sags. He becomes listless and compliant.

ANGEL
Yes sir.
FRANK
Listen, I’m due at a function in
about half an hour. So do yourself
a favour. Sleep on it. If you feel
the same way in the morning, I give
you my word, we’ll get right on it.
112.


ANGEL
Thank you sir.
Genres: ["Crime","Mystery","Comedy"]

Summary In a tense night at Skinner's office, Angel grapples with the aftermath of Leslie's death while reviewing CCTV footage. Despite Danny's attempts at humor and Skinner's plans for a memorial garden, Angel remains frustrated and dismissive. The following day, he discovers an insult in his cap and shares a breakthrough theory about multiple killers with Danny, only to have it dismissed by Frank, leaving Angel feeling deflated and isolated.
Strengths
  • Sharp dialogue
  • Suspenseful tone
  • Character development
  • Mystery elements
Weaknesses
  • Some repetitive dialogue
  • Lack of visual cues for tension

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively balances suspense, humor, and character development, keeping the audience engaged and intrigued. The dialogue is witty and adds depth to the investigation, while the tone shifts smoothly between serious and comedic moments.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of multiple killers and the revelation of doubts in the investigation add complexity and intrigue to the scene. It challenges the audience's perception of the case and sets up future developments.

Plot: 7

The plot advances with the introduction of new information and doubts, deepening the mystery and raising the stakes for the characters. The scene sets up important conflicts and character dynamics for future events.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the detective genre, combining elements of comedy and drama with a unique setting and character dynamics. The dialogue feels authentic and the characters' actions are unpredictable, adding to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters show depth and development, especially Angel who faces internal and external challenges. The interactions between characters reveal their personalities and motivations, adding layers to the story.

Character Changes: 7

Angel undergoes a significant shift in perspective, moving from certainty to doubt and questioning his beliefs. This internal change sets up future character development and challenges.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to solve the mystery of Leslie's death and uncover the truth behind the killings in the town. This reflects his need for justice, his fear of failure, and his desire to protect the community.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to prove that there is more than one killer in the town and to convince his colleagues to take action. This reflects the immediate challenge of overcoming skepticism and gaining support for his theory.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict in the scene is multi-layered, involving internal doubts, external threats, and interpersonal tensions. The revelation of multiple killers raises the stakes and creates uncertainty for the characters.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing skepticism from his colleagues and internal doubts about his theory. The uncertainty of the situation adds to the tension and conflict in the scene.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high with the revelation of multiple killers and the uncertainty surrounding the case. The characters face increased danger and complexity, raising the tension and urgency of the investigation.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing new information, doubts, and conflicts. It sets up future events and developments, driving the investigation and character arcs.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the sudden shifts in tone and the unexpected revelations about the case. The characters' actions and dialogue keep the audience guessing about the true nature of the mystery.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between the protagonist's belief in the presence of multiple killers and his colleagues' skepticism. This challenges his values of truth and justice, as well as his worldview of the town's safety.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from suspense and concern to dark humor and cynicism. The characters' struggles and revelations add depth and engagement, keeping the audience emotionally invested.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is sharp, witty, and reflective of the characters' personalities. It drives the scene forward, adding tension and humor in equal measure. The banter between characters enhances the dynamics and conflict.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its mix of humor, suspense, and character development. The dialogue is sharp and the plot twists keep the audience invested in the story.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and suspense, with a mix of fast-paced dialogue and slower moments of reflection. The rhythm of the scene keeps the audience engaged and interested in the unfolding mystery.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows standard formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene headings, dialogue, and action descriptions. The formatting enhances the readability and flow of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a traditional structure for a detective story, with a setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and formatting are effective in building tension and revealing key plot points.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension and frustration for Angel, showcasing his determination to uncover the truth despite the dismissive attitudes of his colleagues. However, the transition from the confrontation with Skinner to Angel's solitary moment at the Swan Hotel feels abrupt. This shift could benefit from a smoother transition that connects Angel's emotional state after the confrontation to his subsequent isolation.
  • The dialogue between Angel and Danny is humorous and light-hearted, which contrasts well with the darker themes of murder and investigation. However, the humor sometimes undermines the gravity of the situation. For instance, the joke about the plant being impounded as evidence could be perceived as trivializing the serious nature of the investigation. Balancing humor with the tension of the narrative is crucial.
  • The introduction of the 'TWAT' insult written in Angel's cap serves as a comedic element but may detract from the overall tone of the scene. It could be seen as a distraction from the more serious themes of the investigation and Angel's emotional turmoil. This moment could be reworked to maintain the comedic tone without undermining the gravity of the situation.
  • The pacing of the scene is uneven. The initial tension with Skinner is well-executed, but the subsequent scenes feel rushed, particularly the transition to Angel's solitary dinner. This could be improved by allowing more time for Angel's emotional response to the events, perhaps through a brief internal monologue or reflection.
  • The final exchange between Angel and Frank is impactful, but it could be enhanced by providing more context about Frank's previous experiences with officers like Angel. This would deepen the audience's understanding of Frank's skepticism and add layers to his character.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of reflection for Angel after the confrontation with Skinner to better connect his emotional state to his actions at the Swan Hotel.
  • Reassess the balance of humor and tension in the dialogue. Ensure that comedic elements do not undermine the seriousness of the investigation and the emotional stakes for Angel.
  • Evaluate the inclusion of the 'TWAT' insult in Angel's cap. If it remains, consider framing it in a way that adds to Angel's character development rather than detracting from the scene's tone.
  • Slow down the pacing after the confrontation with Skinner. Allow Angel's emotional response to resonate before transitioning to the next scene, possibly through a visual or internal reflection.
  • Enhance the dialogue between Angel and Frank by incorporating more backstory about Frank's past experiences with officers, which would provide depth to their exchange and clarify Frank's skepticism.



Scene 34 - Confrontation at Dusk
EXT. STATION - DAY

ANGEL leaves the station. DANNY follows, confused.
DANNY
What happened? What’s going on?

ANGEL
Nothing. I was just- I’m gonna go
back and crash for a bit.
DANNY
Oh okay. Need a lift?

ANGEL
No, I could do with the walk.

ANGEL walks off, feeling guilty. DANNY looks forlorn.


EXT. SANDFORD HIGH STREET - DUSK

ANGEL trudges home, the street is festooned with bunting.


INT. SWAN HOTEL RECEFTION - DUSK

ANGEL slopes through the hotel reception. It is empty. A new
ROMEO AND JULIET poster shows understudies, Greg and Sherry,
smiling as the male and female lead.


INT. SWAN HOTEL CORRIDOR - DUSK
ANGEL takes out his key. He notices his door is ajar.
The door [U+FB02]ies open...A huge CLOAKED FIGURE lifts ANGEL
off the ground, throws him inside and slams the door behind.


INT. SWAN HOTEL BEDROOM - DUSK
ANGEL hits the wall with a thud. He gets up and throws
several punches at his attacker, but stops, clutching his
injured hand. The FIGURE picks ANGEL up in a bear hug. ANGEL
struggles, pulling the assailant’s hood off to reveal-
113.


LURCH. They look at each other for a second. ANGEL brings
his [U+FB02]sts down on either side of LURCH’s head. LURCH
drops ANGEL, holding his ears. ANGEL kicks LURCH in the
balls. He barely winces before hurling ANGEL across the room
into a painting of the castle. His notebook drops to the
[U+FB02]oor.
LUNCH lumbers towards him. ANGEL grabs the CUDDLY MONKEY and
looks throws it in LURCH’s direction. LUNCH catches it and
is momentarily charmed, hypnotised by the monkey’s cute
eyes.

A whistle from offscreen. LURCH turns to see ANGEL upright,
brandishing his beloved POT PLANT.
ANGEL
Playtime’s over.

SMASH. ANGEL hits LURCH across the head, destroying his
Peace Lily in the process. LURCH drops. His walkie-talkie
clatters to the [U+FB02]oor, crackling to life.

SKINNER (O.S.)
Michael? Michael? Are you there?
Michael? Is everything okay?

ANGEL speaks into the Walkie-talkie in a thick brogue.

ANGEL
Yarp.

SKINNER (O.S.)
Sergeant Angel has been taken care
of?

ANGEL
Yarp.
SKINNER (O.S.)
He’s not going to get back up
again?
ANGEL
...Narp?
SKINNER (O.S.}
Good. Proceed to the castle.
ANGEL looks to a castle painting on the wall. He pulls out
his phone and dials.
114.


FRANK (0.S.)
You’ve reached Frank Butterman.
Please leave a message after the
beep-

ANGEL
Frank. This shit just got real.
Skinner just tried to kill me. He’s
going somewhere. The castle I
think. I’m going there now. I don’t
know who to trust. It’s Nicholas by
the way.
ANGEL turns to see DANNY at the door and jumps a mile. DANNY
looks at LURCH sprawled among the pot plant debris.
DANNY
Oh my god. What happened to your
Peace Lily?

ANGEL
Danny. Stay here. Watch him. Call
your Dad. Tell him I was right.

DANNY
What are you going to do?

ANGEL
I’m going to bust this thing wide
open.

DANNY
Nicholas?

Danny picks up ANGEL’s notebook and puts it in his pocket.

ANGEL
Thanks partner.
Genres: ["Action","Thriller","Mystery"]

Summary Angel, feeling guilty, leaves the station and heads home, where he is attacked by Lurch in his hotel room. After a tense struggle, Angel manages to subdue Lurch using a pot plant and a cuddly monkey. He then communicates with Skinner, pretending to be Lurch, and realizes the urgency of the situation, deciding to confront a larger threat at the castle. He instructs Danny to call his dad and keep an eye on Lurch.
Strengths
  • Intense action sequences
  • Unexpected plot twists
  • Strong character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Some cliched dialogue
  • Slightly predictable character motivations

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly engaging, filled with tension, action, and unexpected developments that keep the audience on the edge of their seats.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a deadly confrontation at a hotel, the revelation of the attacker's identity, and the high-stakes situation with Skinner's plan are well-executed and gripping.

Plot: 9

The plot is intricate, with multiple layers of mystery, danger, and betrayal unfolding in a fast-paced and thrilling manner.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces fresh elements such as the unexpected attack by LURCH and the use of unconventional weapons like a CUDDLY MONKEY and a POT PLANT. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters of Angel, Danny, Lurch, and Skinner are well-developed and their actions drive the tension and conflict in the scene.

Character Changes: 7

Angel undergoes a transformation from being attacked to taking charge of the situation, showing his resilience and determination.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to uncover the truth and protect himself from harm. This reflects his deeper need for justice and safety, as well as his fear of betrayal and deception.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to confront and defeat his attacker, LURCH, and uncover the conspiracy that threatens his safety and the town. This reflects the immediate challenge he is facing and the need to take action to protect himself and others.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is high, with physical, emotional, and moral dilemmas driving the action forward.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing physical and emotional challenges from his attacker, LURCH, and the betrayal by a trusted ally. The audience is left unsure of how the protagonist will overcome these obstacles.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high with Angel's life in danger, Skinner's sinister plan, and the revelation of a traitor among them.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly advances the plot, revealing crucial information and setting up the climax of the story.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected attack by LURCH, the use of unconventional weapons, and the twist of betrayal by a trusted character. The audience is kept guessing about the outcome and the protagonist's next move.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between truth and deception, loyalty and betrayal. The protagonist is faced with the challenge of navigating a web of lies and deceit while trying to uphold his values of honesty and justice.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes fear, tension, and empathy for the characters, creating a strong emotional connection with the audience.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is sharp, intense, and reveals the characters' motivations and emotions effectively.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its fast-paced action, witty dialogue, and unexpected twists. The audience is kept on the edge of their seats as the protagonist navigates a dangerous situation with humor and determination.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the outcome. The rhythm of the action and dialogue enhances the emotional impact of the scene.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings, action lines, and dialogue. The formatting enhances the readability and flow of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness in building tension and suspense.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension and excitement with the unexpected attack on Angel, which is a strong narrative choice that propels the story forward. However, the transition from the previous scene to this one feels abrupt. A smoother transition could enhance the flow of the screenplay.
  • The dialogue between Angel and Danny is functional but lacks emotional depth. While it conveys the necessary information, it could benefit from more subtext or character-driven dialogue that reveals their relationship dynamics and individual stakes in the situation.
  • The physical comedy involving the cuddly monkey and the pot plant is a nice touch, showcasing Angel's resourcefulness and the absurdity of the situation. However, the humor might overshadow the urgency of the moment. Balancing the comedic elements with the tension could create a more cohesive tone.
  • The use of the walkie-talkie adds an interesting layer to the scene, but the dialogue from Skinner feels somewhat clichéd. It could be more distinctive to reflect Skinner's character and the gravity of the situation. Additionally, the phrase 'this shit just got real' is a bit overused and could be replaced with something more original.
  • The scene ends on a strong note with Angel's determination to 'bust this thing wide open,' which effectively sets up the next sequence. However, the emotional stakes could be heightened by showing more of Angel's internal conflict or fear about the situation, rather than just his resolve.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of reflection for Angel before he leaves the station, which could provide insight into his emotional state and deepen the audience's connection to him.
  • Enhance the dialogue between Angel and Danny by incorporating more personal stakes or history, which would make their relationship feel more authentic and engaging.
  • Reassess the balance between humor and tension. While the comedic elements are enjoyable, ensure they do not detract from the urgency of the scene. Perhaps tone down the humor slightly during the attack to maintain suspense.
  • Revise Skinner's dialogue to make it more unique and reflective of his character. This could involve using specific phrases or mannerisms that align with his personality, making the interaction feel more authentic.
  • Explore Angel's internal thoughts or fears during the confrontation with Lurch. This could be done through voiceover or visual cues, adding depth to his character and increasing the stakes of the scene.



Scene 35 - The Sinister Gathering at Sandford Castle
EXT. HIGH STREET - NIGHT
ANGEL runs down the high street past a National Trust sign
pointing toward ’SANDFORD CASTLE’.


EXT/INT. CASTLE RUINS - NIGHT
ANGEL approaches Sandford Castle ruins, a dilapidated l2th
Century Castle. It looks spooky in the dark. ANGEL hears
voices coming from inside. We hear chanting-
115.


MASSED VOICES (O.S.}
...bonum commune communitatis...
ANGEL peers into the main hall. He sees several BLACK
CLOAKED FIGURES standing around a large circular stone
tablet. They hold torches under their faces.

ANGEL makes out familiar faces under the hoods. We see TOM
WEAVER, whose words echo in ANGEL’s head; "I can see what
the entire village is up to..."

ANGEL looks to see 12 walkie talkies on the stone tablet -
"Got everyone linked up with a walkie so we can keep each
other abreast of any misadventure."
ANGEL sees SKINNER under one of the hoods. Words echo; "How
can I be in several places at once?"...

We see ELASHCUTS of the [U+FB02]orist chase, now with angles
that we didn’t see previously; a second CLOAKED FIGURE
outside the greenhouse, a third CLOAKED EIGUEE behind the
hedge.

ANGEL spies some of the other faces - JOYCE COOPER, ANNETTE
ROPER, JAMES READER, REV. SHOOTER, DR. HATCHER, AMANDA PAVER
- "We’re basically a group of volunteers who strive to keep
the village just so..."

ANGEL’s thoughts [U+FB02]ash back to the fountain. We see
DANNY throw some change in. The penny drops. We see the
plaque; ’This fountain was generously restored with funds
raised by F. Butterman, J. Cooper, R. Hatcher, A. Paver...’
As the CLOAKED FIGURES stop chanting and sit at the tablet,
ANGEL is even more horrified by what he hears next...

JOYCE COOPER
Quick announcement before we begin.
Janet Barker has decided to call
her boys Roger and Martin which is
lovely. The christening will be
Saturday week and all are welcome.
Tom?
The CLOAKED FIGURES all swing their torches to WEAVER.
WEAVER
Thanks Joyce. Now you’ll be pleased
to know that the tenacious Sergeant
Angel has now been taken care of.
Thanks must go to Simon Skinner for
his efforts in this. Our very own
Joyce Cooper will discover the
officer tomorrow morning, slumped
(MORE)
116.

WEAVER (cont’d)
on the wet [U+FB02]oor of his
ensuite bathroom, having slipped in
the shower and tragically broken
his neck. Dr. Hatcher will take it
from there.
DR. HATCHER
Indeed and may I say very well
executed Simon. I will of course
pronounce the death as accidental.
That is after all what I’m here
for.
All torches to DR. HATCHER. There are mild chuckles.

WEAVER
With Sergeant Angel dispatched, we
can concentrate our efforts on
eradicating our hoodie infestation,
after which nothing will stand in
our way.

ANGEL (O.S.)
Oh I beg to differ, Mister Weaver.

All the torches spin to the direction of the voice.

WEAVER
Well, well, well, I see we have
visitors.

ANGEL walks into the torch beams, warrant card aloft.

ANGEL
Sergeant Nicholas Angel. Sandford
Police Service.

SNINNER
My, he is tenacious isn’t he?
ANGEL
I’m placing you all under arrest on
suspicion of conspiracy to commit
murder.
WEAVER
Oh come, come Sergeant Angel.
ANGEL
You should be ashamed of
yourselves. This is supposed to be
the community that cares!
117.


REV. SHOOTER
Oh, but we do care Nicholas.
JOYCE COOPER
It’s all about the greater good.

ALL
The greater good.
ANGEL
What do you mean the greater good?

ALL
The greater good.
SKINNER
Sandford, Nicholas. The village.

DR. HATCHER
A happy village is a healthy
village.

REAPER
Perfection breeds contentment and
contentment is paramount.

SKINNER
You see, as much as I enjoyed your
wild theories Sergeant, the truth
is far less complex. Blower’s fate
was simply the result of his being
an appalling actor.

There’s a murmur of "appalling".

ANGEL
You murdered him for that?

SKINNER
He murdered Bill Shakespeare.

ANGEL
What!? Oh I see.
We see FLASHEACKS of MARTIN ELOWER’s dressing room murder.

Now, we see new angles with MULTIPLE CLOAKED FIGURES.
REAPER
The Sandford Players is an
important feather in our cap.
118.

DR. HATCEER
We couldn’t let Blower jeopardize
that. Not when we had two
semimprofessionals waiting in the
wings.

SKINNER points to an OLDER COUPLE in cloaks who wave back.
SKINNER
Let us not forget Greg was an extra
in Straw Dogs -

ANGEL
Yes, I know!
JOYCE COQPER
Martin was less concerned with the
reputation of the village than his
sordid affair with Eve Draper.

We see FLASHBACKS of EVE’s murder by MULTIPLE KILLERS.

ANGEL
And so Eve deserved to die too?

DR. HATCHER
She did have an annoying laugh.

There’s a murmur of ’annoying’.

ANGEL
And George Merchant?

SKINNER
He had an awful house.

There’s a murmur of "awful".

We see FLASHBACKS of MERCHANT’S ’accidental’ explosion. Now,
with MULTIPLE CLOAKED FIGURES engineering it.

JOYCE COOPER
We begged him in vain to make his
residence more in keeping with the
village’s rustic aesthetic.

ANGEL
What was Messenger’s crime?
SNINNER
Tim Messenger’s tenure as editor of
the Sandford Citizen has been
unbearable.
119.


REAPER
Our once great paper had become
riddled with tabloid journalism and
dreadful punnery. Not to mention
persistent errors.

ROY PORTER
He listed her age as 55.
MARY PORTER
When I’m actually 53.

REV SHOOTER
The church roof was in need of
repair and the insurers wouldn’t
pay unless it was certified
hazardous. Let’s just say we killed
two birds with one stone.

FLASHBACK of MULTIPLE CLOAKED FIGURES pushing the turret.

ANGEL
What about Leslie Tillar? One of
your own? Her her horticultural
expertise helped put Sandford on
the map.

JOYCE COOPER
She was ever so good.

SKINNER
Cousin Leslie was a terrible shame.
But it seems she was set on moving
away.

WEAVER
We had to stop her before she
shared her green fingers with
anyone else.

JOYCE COOPER
Not least the heathens at Euford
Abbey.
The NWA simultaneously spit on the ground.

DR. HATCHER
If we can’t have her no-one can.
ANGEL
How can this be for the greater
good?!
120.


ALL
The greater good.
ANGEL
Shut it. These people died for no
reason, no reason whatsoever?

VOICE (O.S.)
Oh I wouldn’t say that.
All torches move to the voice. To ANGEL’s horror, it is
FRANK. He wears the era FASHIONED POLICE CAPE.
FRANK
I was like you once Nicholas. I
believed in the immutable word of
the law. That is until the night
Mrs. Butterman was taken from me.
You see, no-one loved Sandford more
than her. She was head of the
Women’s Institute, chair of the
’[U+FB02]oral committee’, even ran
the Neighbourhood Watch before Tom.
When they started the ’Village of
the Year’ contest, she worked round
the clock, it became her life. I’ve
never seen such dedication. On the
eve of the adjudicator’s
arrival, some travellers moved
into Callahan Park. Before could
say gypsy scum, We were knee deep
in dog muck, thieving kids and
crusty jugglers. We lost the title
and Irene lost her mind. She drove
her Datsun Cherry into Sandford
Gorge. The inquiry said it was an
accident but I knew better. From
that moment on I swore that I’d do
her proud. And whatever the cost,
we’d make Sandford great again.

ANGEL
Sir, this doesn’t make sense.
WEAVER
It makes perfect sense, Sergeant.
Frank gathered together a group of
the most faithful Sandfordians and
showed us how we might rid our
streets of the paedophiles and
perverts-
121.


REV. SHOOTER REAPER
-the shoplifters- -the shirtlifters-


WEAVER AMANDA PAVER
-the punks, the drunks- -the thugs, the mugs-


SKINNER REV. SHOOTER
-the hams, the shams- -the drifters, the
grifters-


DR. HATCHER JOYCE COOPER
-the dodgers, the bodgers- -the hawkers, the stalkers-


ROY PORTER MARY PORTER
-the gypsies, the tramps- -and thieves-

ANNETTE ROPER
-the paedophiles, the perverts-

ANGEL
Yeah, you’ve had them.

FRANK
The adjudicators arrive tomorrow
Nicholas. They were supposed to
arrive in a couple of months but
they brought it forward for some
reason. We had to make sure
everything was ready.

ANGEL
Are you saying this was all about
winning the ’Best Village Award’?

FRANK
This is the best village Nicholas.
You’ve seen the people. They’re
happy, contented. Most of them
don’t even know about our work.
They have very normal lives.
There’s a murmur of "very normal".

ANGEL
They’re living in a dream world.
122.

HATCHER
Precisely. No crime. No tension.

WEAVER
Sheer bliss.
There’s a murmur of "bliss".
FRANK
We have created the society you
dream about. Isn’t that worth
preserving?
ANGEL
Not with murder.

FRANK
Sgt. Popwell thought much the same
as you. I’m disappointed you can’t
see the big picture.

ANGEL
Well, I’m happy to disappoint sir.
And I’m afraid you’re going to have
to come with me. You’re all going
to have to come with me.

FRANK
No Nicholas, I’m afraid it’s you
who has to some with us...

The NWA reveal an array of weapons from under their cloaks;
axes, scythes, pitchforks, knives etc.

Out of the shadows, a bruised and angry LURCH slaps a hand
on ANGEL’s shoulder. ANGEL is shocked. Another hand lands on
his other shoulder. he turns to see-

ANGEL
Danny? No! NO!
DANNY is silent. He and LURCH wield knives and torches. With
lightning speed ANGEL ducks out of their grip, grabs LURCH’s
blade, spins behind DANNY and holds it to his throat. He
takes DANNY’s torch and shines it at the NWA.
ANGEL (cont’d)
Now back off or you’ll be
explaining to everyone how Danny
accidentally tripped and cut his
own head off.
The NWA continue to close in. FRANK laughs.
123.


FRANK
Oh come on Nicholas. You haven’t
got it in you.
ANGEL
I MEAN IT.
They close in further.
Shit.
ANGEL throws DANNY to the ground and runs into the woods.
The NWA give chase. A hoard of cloaked figures run through
the trees. ANGEL sprints into the darkhess-
Suddenly ANGEL trips and falls through a hole in the path.
Genres: ["Mystery","Thriller","Crime","Drama"]

Summary In the eerie ruins of Sandford Castle, Angel stumbles upon a group of cloaked villagers, including familiar faces, engaged in a dark ritual. They reveal their chilling plans to eliminate him and others to preserve the village's facade, justifying their murderous intentions as necessary for the 'greater good.' As tensions escalate, Angel confronts them, but they brandish weapons, forcing him to flee into the woods after a brief struggle. The scene culminates in a chaotic chase, ending with Angel falling into a hole as he attempts to escape.
Strengths
  • Revealing the conspiracy
  • Building tension
  • Dramatic confrontation
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue may be overly expositional

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly engaging, filled with tension, reveals crucial information, and sets up a major conflict.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of a hidden conspiracy within a seemingly perfect village is intriguing and well-executed.

Plot: 9

The plot unfolds dramatically, revealing key information and setting up a major conflict between the protagonist and the antagonists.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the small-town mystery genre, with a unique twist on the concept of a 'perfect' village hiding dark secrets. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-developed, with distinct motivations and roles in the conspiracy. The revelation of their true intentions adds depth to their personalities.

Character Changes: 8

The protagonist undergoes a significant change in perception as he uncovers the truth about the village and its residents.

Internal Goal: 9

The protagonist's internal goal is to uncover the truth behind the murders and conspiracy in the village. This reflects his need for justice, truth, and upholding the law.

External Goal: 8

The protagonist's external goal is to arrest the conspirators and bring them to justice. This reflects the immediate challenge he faces in confronting the dangerous group of villagers.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is high, with the protagonist facing off against the antagonists in a dramatic confrontation.

Opposition: 9

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing a dangerous group of conspirators who challenge his beliefs and values.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high as the protagonist confronts the antagonists and faces a life-threatening situation.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward significantly, revealing crucial information and setting up the climax.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected twists in the plot, revelations of the characters' motives, and the protagonist's actions.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between the protagonist's belief in justice and the villagers' belief in sacrificing individuals for the 'greater good'. This challenges the protagonist's values and worldview.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes shock, suspense, and tension, keeping the audience emotionally engaged.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is intense and revealing, showcasing the characters' true intentions and motivations.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its suspenseful atmosphere, dramatic revelations, and intense confrontation between the protagonist and the antagonists.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, leading to a climactic confrontation between the protagonist and the antagonists.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene descriptions, character actions, and dialogue cues.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format for a suspenseful confrontation, with a buildup of tension, revelation of secrets, and a dramatic confrontation between the protagonist and the antagonists.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension and suspense as Angel confronts the cloaked figures, but it could benefit from a clearer sense of stakes. While the audience understands that Angel is in danger, the motivations of the cloaked figures could be more explicitly articulated to enhance the emotional weight of the confrontation.
  • The dialogue is rich with dark humor and irony, particularly in the way the villagers justify their actions. However, some lines could be tightened for clarity and impact. For instance, the repetition of 'the greater good' could be streamlined to avoid redundancy and maintain the audience's engagement.
  • The flashbacks interspersed throughout the scene provide context but can feel disjointed. Consider integrating these flashbacks more seamlessly into the dialogue or action to maintain a fluid narrative flow. This would help the audience connect the dots without feeling pulled out of the present moment.
  • The character dynamics are compelling, especially the betrayal of Danny. However, the emotional impact of this betrayal could be heightened by providing more internal conflict for Angel. A brief moment of hesitation or reflection before he reacts could deepen the audience's investment in his character.
  • The pacing of the scene is generally effective, but the transition from the chanting to the confrontation could be smoother. A moment of silence or a dramatic pause before Angel reveals himself might amplify the tension and create a more impactful reveal.
Suggestions
  • Clarify the motivations of the cloaked figures earlier in the scene to enhance the stakes and emotional resonance of the confrontation.
  • Tighten the dialogue by reducing repetitive phrases like 'the greater good' to keep the audience engaged and focused.
  • Integrate flashbacks more fluidly into the dialogue or action to maintain narrative cohesion and enhance the audience's understanding of the characters' motivations.
  • Add a moment of internal conflict for Angel before he reacts to Danny's betrayal to deepen the emotional impact of the scene.
  • Consider adding a dramatic pause or moment of silence before Angel reveals himself to heighten the tension and create a more memorable confrontation.



Scene 36 - Betrayal in the Shadows
INT. BLACKNESS - NIGHT

ANGEL crashes to a dusty [U+FB02]oor, winded. He picks up his
torch and shines it around. He seems to be inside an old
GYPSY CARAVAN buried in the ground. His torch picks out a
SKELETON IN GYPSY CLOTHING.

ANGEL backs up frantically, colliding with an ENTIRE FAMILY
OF GYPSY SKELETONS, complete with children and dog.

ANGEL staggers to the door which bursts open into a cave.
His torch picks out many more bodies. The most recent
addition, in a PURPLE SHELL SUIT is a dead PETER COCKER.

ANGEL jumps back and finds himself staring at a skeleton in
a police sergeant’s uniform. It has a BIG BUSHY BEARD.

ANGEL [U+FB02]ees the cave and sees one other corpse; that of
the LIVING STATUE, now frozen in a final expression of
terror.


EXT. WOODS - NIGHT

ANGEL slams straight into DANNY at the cave mouth.

The other NWA members gather behind, an ominous mass of
shadow. DANNY produces his blade.

ANGEL
Danny! No!
DANNY plunges the knife into ANGEL’s chest. We see ANGEL
stagger back. His torch drops and smashes.
124.


INT/EXT. DANNY’S CAR - NIGHT
A sign looms in the night - ’YOU ARE NOW LEAVING SANDFORD’.
A grim DANNY pulls into a dark layby in his Astra. The brake
lights illuminate the sign with a hellish glow.


INT/EXT DANNY’S CAR - NIGHT
A car boot opens. DANNY stands over a bloodied ANGEL, the
knife protruding from his chest.
ANGEL slowly opens his eyes and looks at DANNY with
confusion. DANNY slowly opens his hand to reveal a number of
empty ketchup sachets.

DANNY
(weakly)
Ta-daaaa.

DANNY yanks the knife out of ANGEL’s chest. ANGEL produces
the notebook from his breast pocket.

ANGEL
What are you doing?

DANNY
They told me I had to put you in
the front seat and push you in the
gorge.

DANNY hauls ANGEL out of the car boot.

ANGEL
Danny, it’s murder.

DANNY
It’s not, it’s ketchup.

ANGEL
I’m not talking about me Danny, I’m
talking about all the others the
NWA have murdered.
DANNY
That’s not true. Dad just said it’s
his special club. I thought it was
just about rapping knuckles and
sending them on their way.
125.


ANGEL
There are skeletons back there
Danny.
DANNY
I don’t know nuffin about the
skelingtons!
ANGEL
But what about Draper, Blower,
Merchant, Messenger and Tiller?
What do you think was happening?
DANNY
I don’t know.
ANGEL
It was Frank, Danny. He’s appointed
himself judge, jury and
executioner.

DANNY
He’s not Judge Judy!

ANGEL
He is Danny! And you have to help
me take him down.

DANNY
I can’t Nicholas. I’m involved now.
I have to do what Dad says. I can’t
get out. But you can. Take the car,
go back to London. There’s nothing
you can do.

ANGEL
I can come back. And I can bring
the blue fury of the Metropolitan
Police Service with me.

DANNY
They’ll make it all disappear. They
hid it from everyone else. Who are
they gonna believe? Dad, or the
loony London copper?

ANGEL
But you’ll be here won’t you Danny?
We can do this together. You and
me. Partners.
126.


DANNY
Forget it Nicholas. It’s Sandford.
A tearful DANNY pulls out his car keys. ANGEL takes them,
limps to the car and drives off. In his rear view, ANGEL can
just make out the figure of DANNY standing in the road.
Genres: ["Mystery","Thriller","Crime","Drama"]

Summary In a dark underground gypsy caravan, Angel uncovers a collection of skeletons, including a recent victim, and confronts Danny at the cave mouth. After a tense exchange, where Danny initially stabs Angel as a prank, the conversation turns serious as Angel pleads for Danny's help to expose the NWA's murders. However, Danny, feeling trapped by his father's influence, ultimately refuses to assist Angel, leading to a heartbreaking separation as Angel drives away, leaving Danny alone and conflicted.
Strengths
  • Intense suspense
  • Emotional depth
  • Shocking twists
  • Compelling character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue may be overly dramatic or cliched

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly engaging, filled with suspense, shocking twists, and emotional depth. It keeps the audience on the edge of their seats and sets up a compelling resolution.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of betrayal, hidden murders, and a desperate attempt to uncover the truth is executed with skill and intensity. It keeps the audience guessing and invested in the outcome.

Plot: 9

The plot is intricate, with multiple layers of mystery and suspense. It unfolds in a way that keeps the audience hooked and eager to see how the story will resolve.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the detective genre by combining elements of horror, mystery, and dark humor. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and original.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-developed, with complex motivations and relationships. The betrayal and emotional turmoil they experience add depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 8

The characters undergo significant changes in the scene, particularly in their relationships and allegiances. The betrayal and revelations lead to emotional growth and development.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to uncover the truth behind the mysterious deaths and confront the antagonist. This reflects his need for justice and his desire to protect the innocent.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to confront the antagonist and stop the murders in the town. This reflects the immediate challenge he is facing in the scene.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is intense, with betrayals, revelations, and high stakes at play. It keeps the audience engaged and invested in the outcome.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing difficult choices and moral dilemmas that challenge his beliefs and values.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes in the scene are high, with lives on the line, betrayals exposed, and the truth at risk of being buried. The characters face dire consequences for their actions.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward significantly, revealing crucial information, escalating the conflict, and setting up the climax. It propels the narrative towards a resolution.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists and revelations that challenge the protagonist's beliefs and actions.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the protagonist's belief in justice and truth versus the antagonist's desire to maintain control and power through violence and deception.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions in the audience, including fear, confusion, and empathy for the characters. The shocking twists and emotional revelations leave a lasting impact.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is impactful, conveying the characters' emotions, motivations, and conflicts effectively. It drives the plot forward and adds tension to the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its blend of suspense, mystery, and emotional conflict. The characters' motivations and actions keep the audience invested in the story.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a gradual build-up of tension and suspense leading to a dramatic confrontation between the protagonist and antagonist.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and concise, following the expected format for its genre. The use of visual descriptions and dialogue tags enhances the reader's understanding of the action.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a well-paced structure that builds tension and suspense effectively. The formatting enhances the atmosphere and mood of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension and suspense, particularly with the discovery of the skeletons and the ominous atmosphere of the gypsy caravan. However, the transition from the discovery of the skeletons to the confrontation with Danny feels abrupt. A smoother transition could enhance the flow of the narrative.
  • The use of dark humor, particularly with the ketchup prank, is a clever way to lighten the mood after a tense moment. However, it may undermine the gravity of the situation regarding the murders. Balancing the humor with the seriousness of the stakes could create a more impactful emotional response.
  • Danny's character development is highlighted through his conflict between loyalty to his father and his friendship with Angel. However, the dialogue could be more nuanced to reflect Danny's internal struggle. Instead of outright denial, he could express confusion or fear about the situation, making his eventual decision more poignant.
  • The dialogue between Angel and Danny is engaging, but some lines feel a bit on-the-nose, particularly when Angel states, 'He’s appointed himself judge, jury and executioner.' This could be rephrased to sound more natural and less expository.
  • The visual imagery of the skeletons and the cave is strong, but the scene could benefit from more sensory details to immerse the audience further. Describing the sounds, smells, or even the feeling of the environment could enhance the atmosphere.
  • The pacing of the scene is uneven; the initial discovery of the skeletons is quick, while the dialogue with Danny drags slightly. Tightening the dialogue and interspersing more action could maintain a consistent pace.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of reflection for Angel after discovering the skeletons, allowing the audience to absorb the horror before transitioning to the confrontation with Danny.
  • Introduce more sensory details to the scene, such as the musty smell of the caravan or the eerie silence of the woods, to create a more immersive experience.
  • Revise Danny's dialogue to reflect a more complex emotional state, perhaps showing signs of doubt or fear about his father's actions rather than outright denial.
  • Tighten the dialogue to avoid overly expository lines. Aim for natural conversation that reveals character motivations and emotions without stating them explicitly.
  • Maintain a consistent pacing throughout the scene by balancing action and dialogue. Consider interspersing moments of tension with quicker exchanges to keep the audience engaged.



Scene 37 - Chaos in Sandford
INT. DANNY’S CAR - NIGHT
ANGEL drives down the M4. Rain lashes his windscreen. His
fuel light blinks low. He reaches ’HESTON SERVICES’.


INT. HESTON SERVICES - NIGHT
A CLERK eyes ANGEL, who is covered in grime and ketchup.

CLERK
Is that everything Sir?

ANGEL’s gaze has been drawn to a bargain bin full of DVDs.
He scans the titles - ’OUT FOR JUSTICE’,’THE ENFDRCER’,
’LETHAL WEAPON’, ’WALKING TALL’, ’HARD T0 KILL’.

CLERK (cont’d)
Sir? Sir? Is there anything we can
do for you?

ANGEL
No. This is something I have to do
myself.

ANGEL grabs a pair of shades, a [U+FB02]stful of car spray
paints and some bubble gum. He slams down some crumpled
money.


EXT. BRANNIGAN’S FARM - MORNING
We see the ’WELCOME TO SANDFORD’ sign.

It’s morning outside JAMES REAPER’s farm. His GREEN 4X4
pulls over to the roadside. He gets out and walks to some
horses at a gate. They snort, restless. REAPER looks behind
him. The ASTRA is sitting right in the middle of the road.

REAPER
Danny?
REAPER squints. It’s not DANNY. Sitting behind the wheel,
wearing shades and revving the engine, is ANGEL.
127.


Reaper runs to his 4X4...ANGEL screams towards him...Reaper
grabs his car radio..
SMASH. ANGEL crashes his car directly into the 4X4...REAPER
is left clutching the radio and snapped cable...ANGEL
springs from the ASTRA and charges towards REAPER.

REAPER (cont’d)
Mum!!!
ANGEL punches REAPER out cold. BANG...Buckshot rips into the
4X4 next to ANGEL’s head...
REAPER’S MUM brandishes a shotgun from the other side of the
gate. She breaks the shotgun and goes to reload.
ANGEL runs towards the gate, jumps into the air and launches
into a [U+FB02]ying kick. REAPER’S MUM snaps the shotgun
shut, ANGEL lands on her, with maximum force.


EXT. BRANNIGAN’S FARM - MORNING

JAMES REAFER and his MUM are tied to the fence.

REAPER
What are you going to do? Just walk
in and arrest the whole village?

ANGEL
Not exactly.


INT. SANDFORD STATION - MORNING

ANGEL glides through the quiet front office, past the
straight haired DESK SERGEANT who barely looks up.


INT. LOCKER ROOM - MORNING

ANGEL glides through the locker room. No-one spots him. He
opens his locker, and retrieves a uniform and a stab vest.


INT/EXT. EVIDENCE ROOM - MORNING

’999’ is punched into the keypad. The door opens on the
arsenal of weaponry. ANGEL grabs all he can carry. RIFLES
and SHOTGUNS round his shoulders, PISTOLS in his belt.
The room is now completely empty, save for the sea mine.
128.


INT. FRANK’S OFFICE - MORNING
FRANK looks at paperwork and eats ice cream. In the outer
office ANGEL stands looking in. FRANK becomes aware of
someone watching. He looks up but ANGEL has gone.


INT. STATION - MORNING
ANGEL glides past the DESK SERGEANT, who finally pipes up.

DESK SERGEANT
Oh Sergeant Angel? Someone from
London called for you.
ANGEL scowls back at him, chewing gum, armed to the teeth.

DESK SERGEANT (cont’d)
I’ll tell them you’ll ring ’em
back.

ANGEL nods and walks out. The DESK SERGEANT watches him go.

DESK SERGEANT (cont’d)
That’s funny.

VOICE (O.S.}
What’s that?

DESK SERGEANT
I didn’t know we had a mounted
division.

The voice’s owner joins DESK SERGEANT in peering after
ANGEL.

It’s his curly haired twin brother.
THE OTHER DESK SERGEANT
Nobody tells me nothing.


EXT. STREET - MORNING
An armed ANGEL trots down the street on a FUCKING HORSE. He
rides past a bus shelter where GABRIEL WEAVER and the
HOODIES sit in their usual formation, albeit in school
uniform. They stare at ANGEL, their young mouths agape.
ANGEL
Wanna do something useful?

ANGEL throws a holdall to GABRIEL. It’s full of spray cans.
129.


INT. STATION/CCTV OFFICE - MORNING
WEAVER reads the paper and daintily eats ice cream. He does
not see the CCTV screens slowly turn black behind him.


EXT. HIGH STREET - MORNING
Sandford. As it was that first morning. Idyllic, bustling,
happy. Among the morning folk we see smiling NWA members
going about their business as if nothing has happened.

We see WORKMEN putting up a banner across the middle of the
street reading ’GOOD LUCK SANDFORD: VILLAGE OE THE YEAR’.
ANNETTE ROPER is putting out a display in front of her shop.
Her walkie-talkie crackles to life.

RADIO VOICE
Annette, that new policeman’s back.


INT. CCTV ROOM - MORNING

WEAVER hears this RADIO message and finally realises that
all his precious CCTV cameras have been sprayed black.


INT. SURGERY - MORNING

DR. HATCHER peers through his surgery window, his eyes wide.
ANGEL is re[U+FB02]ected passing on horse back.


EXT. STREET - MORNING

JOYCE COOPER waters the hanging baskets outside the hotel,
she spots ANGEL riding up the middle of the high street.
The PORTERS peer out of the Crown, mouths agape.

REV. SHOOTER is talking to the understudies GREG and SHEREE.
All three stop and stare. AMANDA PAVER skids to a stop on
her bicycle and gawps. MR. TREACHER in his heavy coat looks
on in terror.

SKINNER and his staff stare from the window of SUMMERAISLES.
DANNY is sat in the squad car in the usual parking spot. He
sees ANGEL and is terrified, not knowing what to do.
130.

INT. STATION - MORNING
WEAVER bursts into FRANK’s office, panic stricken. FRANK
looks up. His cheery expression dissipates immediately.
FRANK
Angel.


EXT. SQUARE - MORNING
The village has come to a stop. The NWA watch as ANGEL
dismounts. Beads of sweat glisten. Eyes [U+FB02]ick this way
and that. The ordinary folk are unnerved by the hush.

ANGEL
Morning.

MR. TREACHER [U+FB02]ings open his winter coat revealing a
shot gun. ANGEL dives behind the fountain just as he fires.

The village erupts into chaos. The innocent run for cover.

The NWA mobilise. The PORTERS scurry inside. DR. HATCHER
emerges from his surgery with a number of guns.

ANNETTE ROPER runs into her shop. Moments later an upper
window smashes and the barrel of a gun protrudes.

DANNY sits in the car, his face a mixture of awe and panic.

ANGEL takes a look at MR. TREACHER’s position. He is
standing next to a truck loaded with BEER BARRELS. ANGEL
jumps up and fires blasting the catch holding the BEER
BARRELS in place. They tumble off the back of the truck,
knocking TREACHER off his feet.

ANGEL is pinned down by fire from ANNETTE ROPER. He looks up
to see ROPER’S gun poking out of her shop.
ANGEL sees the HOODIES hiding behind a car. He motions to
the newsagent. The HOODIES stampede into the shop. The door
slams. We see the notice; "ONLY ONE CHILD AT ANY TIME".

In the window, ROPER’S gun is suddenly yanked backwards. We
hear muffied screams and blows.
Shots ring out, a hail of bullets narrowly missing ANGEL.
Pedalling towards him on her cycle, firing a ri[U+FB02]e is
AMANDA PAVER. ANGEL dives out of the line of fire.

DANNY sees AMANDA PAVER in his wing mirror. His face
hardens. He [U+FB02]ings the door wide open and sends AMANDA
PAVER [U+FB02]ying through the air into a crumpled heap.
131.


DANNY runs over to join ANGEL. ANGEL throws him a shotgun.
DANNY catches it in mid air.
ANGEL (cont’d)
That’s what I’m talking about.

Shots ricochet off the fountain. GREG and SHEREE reign fire
on the two officers. ANGEL and DANNY, without a moments
pause, return fire, shooting GREG in his gun hand and SHERRE
in the shoulder. Both fall dramatically.

JOYCE COOPER
Fascist!
JOYCE COOPER opens fire with an antique Winchester. DANNY
dives for cover. ANGEL rolls across the [U+FB02]oor, pulling
two pistols from his belt, still rolling he fires at JOYCE.
One of JOYCE’s hanging baskets drops directly on her head.

ANGEL
Hag!

There’s a piercing yell. ANGEL turns to see BERNARD baring
down fast with the ORNAMENTAL SWORD. ANGEL barely manages to
draw his baton to block the attack. BERNARD swipes, slicing
the baton in half. ANGEL takes out BERNARD’s legs with a
foot sweep. BERNARD crashes down.

Then from behind ANGEL.

REV. SHOOTER
STOP! STOP THIS! Please. Let us put
down our guns. Nicholas, my son,
you may not be a man of god but
surely you’re a man of peace.

ANGEL
Reverend I may not be convinced
about the existence of God but I
know good and evil and I have the
grace to know which is which.

REV. SHOOTER
Oh fuck off Grasshopper!

REV. SHOOTER pulls a pistol from his cassock and fires. The
bullet takes ANGEL by surprise, grazing his shoulder.

DANNY
Nooooooooo!
DANNY returns fire at SHOOTER hitting him in the shoulder.
132.


REV. SHOOTER
Jesus Christ!!!
DANNY runs over to ANGEL who is lying winded in the road.
ANGEL
Still feel like you’re missing out?
CLICK. They turn to see DR. HATCHER pointing a shotgun.
DR. HATCHER
Drop your weapons.
DANNY
Dr. Hatcher wait.
DR. HATCHER
Shut up Danny. I brought you into
this world, it’s rather fitting I
should be the one to take you out
of it. You and your interfering
little friend. Now drop them!

DANNY does so. His shotgun hits the [U+FB02]oor. BLAM! It
fires into HATCHER’s leg. His knee explodes in a shower of
blood.

DR. HATCHER clutches his knee, wailing in pain.

ANGEL
You’re a doctor, deal with
it...motherfucker. Danny, let’s go.

DANNY
What are you thinking exactly?

A shot blasts from the windows of THE CROWN.
ANGEL
Pub?

ANGEL eyes the board outside the pub; reading ’COME ON IN!’
Genres: ["Action","Thriller","Comedy"]

Summary In a rain-soaked night, Angel confronts James Reaper at Brannigan's Farm, knocking him out and subduing his mother. Armed and determined, Angel stealthily navigates the Sandford police station before leading a chaotic shootout against armed villagers alongside Danny. The intense confrontation escalates with injuries and conflict, culminating in Angel's suggestion to head to the pub after the chaos.
Strengths
  • Dynamic action sequences
  • Effective blend of humor and suspense
  • Engaging character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Some elements may be too over-the-top for some viewers

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly engaging, with a perfect blend of action, humor, and suspense. It keeps the audience on the edge of their seats while also providing moments of comic relief.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a dramatic showdown in a seemingly idyllic village, with unexpected twists and turns, is executed brilliantly in this scene.

Plot: 9

The plot is fast-paced and full of twists, leading to a climactic confrontation between Angel and the NWA members. The scene advances the overall story arc significantly.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh take on the classic action genre, combining elements of comedy, drama, and suspense. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging, adding to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters, especially Angel and Danny, show depth and development in this scene. Their actions and dialogue reveal more about their personalities and motivations.

Character Changes: 7

Both Angel and Danny undergo significant challenges and make tough decisions in this scene, leading to character growth and development.

Internal Goal: 8

Angel's internal goal is to uncover the truth behind the seemingly perfect village of Sandford and bring justice to those responsible for the chaos. This reflects his need for justice and his desire to prove himself as a capable officer.

External Goal: 9

Angel's external goal is to confront the NWA and restore order to the village. This reflects the immediate challenge he faces in dealing with the armed and dangerous group.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between Angel and the NWA members is intense and drives the action forward. The stakes are high, keeping the audience invested in the outcome.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the NWA posing a significant threat to Angel and Danny. The audience is kept on edge as they face off against armed and dangerous adversaries.

High Stakes: 9

The high stakes of the confrontation between Angel and the NWA members, including life-threatening situations and moral dilemmas, heighten the tension and drama.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward by revealing crucial information, escalating the conflict, and setting up future events in the narrative.

Unpredictability: 9

This scene is unpredictable because of its unexpected plot twists, character choices, and moral dilemmas. The audience is kept guessing about the outcome and the characters' motivations.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between Angel's belief in justice and order, and the NWA's belief in maintaining control through violence and fear. This challenges Angel's values and forces him to confront the darker side of the seemingly peaceful village.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from tension and suspense to humor and excitement. The audience is emotionally engaged throughout.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is sharp, witty, and adds to the tension and humor of the scene. It effectively conveys the emotions and intentions of the characters.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its fast-paced action, witty dialogue, and unpredictable twists. The high stakes and moral dilemmas faced by the characters keep the audience on the edge of their seats.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a balance of action, dialogue, and character moments. The rhythm of the scene keeps the audience engaged and builds tension effectively.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene descriptions, dialogue formatting, and action sequences. The formatting enhances the readability and impact of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a well-paced structure, building tension and conflict effectively. The action sequences are interspersed with moments of dialogue and character development, creating a dynamic and engaging narrative.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension and excitement, showcasing Angel's transformation from a beleaguered officer to an action-oriented protagonist. However, the transition from the quiet introspection of the previous scene to the chaotic action feels abrupt. A smoother transition could enhance the narrative flow.
  • The dialogue is minimal, which works well in an action sequence, but it could benefit from more character-driven lines that reflect Angel's emotional state. Adding a few internal thoughts or brief exchanges with characters could deepen the audience's connection to Angel's motivations.
  • The use of humor amidst the chaos is a hallmark of the script, but some moments, like the 'flying kick' and the absurdity of the villagers' reactions, may come off as too cartoonish. Balancing the humor with the gravity of the situation could maintain the stakes while still allowing for comedic relief.
  • The action sequences are visually engaging, but they could be more clearly choreographed. For instance, the sequence where Angel jumps and kicks Reaper's mother could be described with more detail to enhance the visual impact and clarity of the action.
  • The scene introduces a lot of characters quickly, which can be overwhelming. While the humor in their reactions is effective, it might be beneficial to focus on a few key characters to develop their responses more fully, allowing the audience to invest in the conflict.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of reflection for Angel before he enters the chaos, perhaps a line that encapsulates his resolve or fear, to create a stronger emotional anchor.
  • Incorporate more character interactions during the action, such as Angel's thoughts on the villagers' betrayal or a quick exchange with Danny that highlights their camaraderie amidst the chaos.
  • Refine the action choreography to ensure clarity. Describe key movements in a way that allows the reader to visualize the sequence without confusion, ensuring that the stakes remain high.
  • Maintain the humor but ensure it complements the tension rather than undermines it. Perhaps use humor to highlight the absurdity of the situation rather than as a primary focus.
  • Limit the number of characters introduced in the chaos to allow for deeper engagement with the main players. This could help the audience follow the action more easily and understand the stakes involved.



Scene 38 - Chaos at The Crown
INT/EXT. THE CROWN - MORNING

SMASH. The pub board comes smashing through the window.

The PORTERS fire wildly from behind the bar, before a sign
reading ’TWO SHOOTERS FOR THE PRICE OF ONE’. They stop.

Then - the pub doors [U+FB02]y open. DANNY and ANGEL burst
in, jumping through the air whilst both firing two guns.
133.


They land and roll, grabbing tables to form a barricade. The
PORTERS open fire again. Tables and chairs splinter.
ANGEL pops up and fires at a bear trap on the wall. It falls
and clamps its jaws around ROY PORTER’s head.

MARY PORTER
Roy! Somebody call the police!
FRANK (O.S.}
Reach!

The entire Sandford police burst in, wearing RIOT GEAR and
clutching batons. WALKER holds a growling SAXON on a leash.
FRANK leads them, aiming his ANTIQUE PISTOLS at ANGEL.
FRANK (CONT’D}
Officers, arrest that man. Danny,
step away from the Sergeant.

DANNY
No Dad.

FRANK
Danny, you’ll do as you’re told.

DANNY
No, I’m not taking orders from you
any more.

FRANK
Officers, arrest these men!

ANGEL
You can arrest us if you want. You
can throw us in prison and go back
to being blind, submissive slaves.

CARTWRIGHT
What the fuck is he on about?

WAINWRIGHT
What the fuck are you on about?
ANGEL
Have you ever wondered why the
crime rate in Sandford is so low
and the accident rate so high?

FISHER
No. Yes. What?
134.


ANGEL
You’ve been brain washed Sergeant
into naivety by an old man with a
murderous obsession and it’s time
you opened your eyes to the truth.

FRANK
This is ridiculous.
DANNY
No, it’s not Dad. It’s very
unridiculous. And it’s only now
that I’m starting to realise how
unridiculous it all is.
FRANK
Silence Danny! Think of your
mother.

DANNY
Mum’s dead and for the first time
in my life, I’m glad. Because even
though she loved this village more
than anything if she could see what
you’ve become, she’d kill herself
all over again.

DORIS THATCHER
Sorry, I’m completely lost.

ANGEL
Sandford is a lie Doris. For the
last twenty years the village has
been controlled by Frank and the
NWA. They’ve lulled you into
thinking this is a perfect village
by killing anyone who threatened to
change that.
SAXON stops growling. BOB WALKER pipes up.

WALKER
Recconneeegottsumadere.
DANNY
He says he ’reckons you got
something there’.
ANGEL
I know. Thanks.
135.


WALKER/DANNY
S’alroight.
FRANK rounds on the officers, raising his pistols at them.
FRANK
You’re not seriously going to
believe this man are you? Are you?!
He’s not even from round here.
The officers look on in confused disbelief at the manic
FRANK, who realises he is brandishing his weapons.
WAINWRIGHT
Maybe it’s time to give it up sir.
FRANK
You ignorant flatfoots!

FRANK snaps, shooting his pistols up in the air. He hits a
rustic light fitting, which crashes to the ground.

ANGEL and the other officers dive out of the way, as glass
explodes across the main bar. Everyone scatters.

In the confusion, FRANK makes a bid for freedom through the
back of the pub. ANGEL jumps up. The other officers stare
after FRANK, then look to ANGEL, their new leader.

ANGEL
Let’s go.

DANNY
Aren’t we gonna go after dad?

ANGEL
He’ll come round again.
DANNY
Well, who else is there?

ANGEL
Want anything from the shop?
FLASHCUTS; the police tool up, cuff people. PC WALKER and
SAXON guard the already incapacitated NWA members. ROY
PORTER still has the bear trap on his head.
136.
Genres: ["Action","Thriller","Mystery"]

Summary In a chaotic scene at The Crown pub, Danny and Angel burst in, guns drawn, as the Porters retaliate. A bear trap injures Roy Porter, prompting Mary to call for police. Sandford's officers, led by Frank, confront Danny and Angel, who reveal the village's dark secrets and corruption. Tensions escalate as Danny defies his father, leading to Frank's frantic escape, leaving Angel to take charge amidst the chaos.
Strengths
  • Intense action sequences
  • Revealing character dynamics
  • Sharp dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Some confusion in the dialogue for secondary characters

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly engaging, with a perfect blend of action, tension, and character development. It effectively reveals crucial information while maintaining a high level of excitement.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of a hidden conspiracy in a seemingly perfect village is intriguing and well-executed. The revelation of the truth adds depth to the story and raises the stakes for the characters.

Plot: 9

The plot unfolds seamlessly, with significant revelations and character dynamics coming to a head. The conflict reaches a climax, setting the stage for the resolution of the mystery.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the small-town mystery genre, blending elements of action, comedy, and social commentary. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging, adding to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters show growth and depth in this scene, particularly Danny's rebellion against his father and Angel's determination to uncover the truth. The interactions are compelling and add layers to the story.

Character Changes: 8

Both Danny and Angel undergo significant changes in this scene, with Danny breaking free from his father's influence and Angel taking charge as a leader. Their growth drives the narrative forward.

Internal Goal: 9

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to reveal the truth about the NWA's control over the village and to break free from the blind obedience to authority that has been ingrained in him.

External Goal: 8

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to confront Frank and the NWA, and to lead the police officers in a rebellion against their control.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is intense and multi-layered, involving personal, moral, and societal stakes. The confrontation between Angel and Frank adds a sense of urgency and danger.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing off against Frank and the NWA, as well as the police officers who are torn between loyalty and the pursuit of justice. The conflict is difficult to overcome, adding to the tension and suspense.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in this scene, as the truth behind the village's facade is exposed, leading to a dangerous confrontation between the protagonist and the antagonist. The characters' lives and the future of the village are at risk.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward by revealing crucial information, escalating the conflict, and setting the stage for the final showdown. It marks a turning point in the narrative.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists and turns in the plot, as well as the characters' surprising actions and revelations. The audience is kept on their toes, unsure of how the conflict will be resolved.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between blind obedience to authority and the pursuit of truth and justice. The protagonist challenges the villagers and the police officers to question their beliefs and values.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes strong emotions, especially as Danny confronts his father and Angel exposes the truth. The revelations and betrayals heighten the emotional intensity of the scene.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is sharp and impactful, conveying the tension and emotions of the characters. It drives the conflict forward and reveals key information about the characters' motivations.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its fast-paced action, witty dialogue, and high stakes conflict. The tension and suspense keep the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and suspense, as well as allowing for moments of humor and character development. The rhythm of the scene keeps the audience engaged and invested in the outcome.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings, action lines, and dialogue. The formatting enhances the readability and flow of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness in building tension and suspense.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the chaotic and comedic tone established throughout the screenplay, particularly with the exaggerated action sequences and humorous dialogue. However, the pacing feels rushed at times, especially during the initial gunfire exchange. This could benefit from a moment of tension-building before the action kicks in, allowing the audience to fully absorb the stakes.
  • The dialogue is sharp and reflects the characters' personalities well, particularly Danny's defiance against his father. However, some lines, such as 'What the fuck is he on about?' could be streamlined or replaced with more character-specific reactions to maintain the comedic tone without breaking immersion.
  • The use of physical comedy, such as the bear trap clamping around Roy Porter's head, is a strong visual gag that fits the film's style. However, it might be more impactful if it were set up earlier in the scene, perhaps with a brief mention of the bear trap to create anticipation.
  • The conflict between Angel and Frank is compelling, but the resolution feels a bit abrupt. Frank's sudden decision to flee could be better motivated. Perhaps adding a moment where he realizes the gravity of the situation or feels cornered could enhance the emotional weight of his departure.
  • The scene ends on a somewhat anticlimactic note with Angel casually asking if anyone wants something from the shop. While this fits the comedic tone, it might undermine the tension built up in the preceding chaos. A stronger closing line or action could leave the audience with a more impactful impression.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of silence or a slow-motion effect before the action starts to heighten the tension and allow the audience to anticipate the chaos.
  • Streamline some of the dialogue for clarity and impact, ensuring that each character's voice remains distinct while maintaining the comedic tone.
  • Introduce the bear trap earlier in the scene to set up the visual gag, allowing for a more satisfying payoff when it is used.
  • Enhance Frank's motivation for fleeing by adding a moment of realization or panic that makes his decision feel more justified and impactful.
  • Revise the final lines to provide a stronger emotional or comedic punch, perhaps by having Angel make a quip that reflects the absurdity of the situation while still acknowledging the chaos that just unfolded.



Scene 39 - Supermarket Showdown
EXT. SUMMERAISLES - MORNING
ANGEL leads his new recruits as they approach the car park.
They take cover behind recycling bins, armed and ready.
DANNY
What you thinking?
Before Angel can answer-
FISHR
We should strike now while we have
the element of surprise, the longer
we wait the more time they have to
mobilise. I say we go in through
the front entrance and take the
place aisle by aisle. They won’t be
expecting that.

ANGEL
Very good. What he said.


INT. SUMMERAILES - MORNING

A grim SKINNER and his gormless minions watch the CCTV.

SKINNER
My, my. Here come the fuzz.


EXT. SUMMERAISLES - MORNING

The Sandford police gather near the entrance.

WAINWRIGHT
Maybe they’re not in.
ANGEL
Wait here.

ANGEL goes into SUMMERAISLES through the automatic door.
DORIS THATCHER
We can’t let him go in on his own.

DANNY
He knows what he’s doing.
KRAAASSSHHHH! ANGEL comes [U+FB02]ying through the front
window of the shop and lands in a heap on the ground. He
gets up.
137.


ANGEL
They’re in. You take the shop. I’ll
deal with the trolley boy.
WAINWRIGHT CARTWRIGHT
Eh? Eh?

LURCH strides out of the shop.
WAINWRIGHT CARTWRIGHT
Oh. Oh.

DANNY leads the officers in, as ANGEL faces up to LURCH.

ANGEL (cont’d)
We don’t have to do this Michael.
Is this what you really want?

LURCH
Yarp.

ANGEL
Suit yourself.

ANGEL runs at LUNCH and headbutts him in the face.


INT. SUMMRAISLES - MORNING

The OFFICERS make their way through the supermarket aisles.
WAINWRIGHT peers round a corner. One of the GRUFF BUTCHERS
throws a large meat cleaver. It shatters a tomato sauce jar
next to his head. CARTWRIGHT shrieks, assuming it’s blood.

CARTWRIGHT
Andy!

Meanwhile ANGEL is being swung around by LURCH, his arms
clamped tightly around LURCH’s neck. ANGEL [U+FB02]ailing
legs knock produce off shelves as he clings on tight. LURCH
begins to lose consciousness. He staggers past a ’WET FLOOR’
sign, slips and both fall hard into a chest freezer.

ANGEL scrambles out covered in frost. LURCH is out cold.

ANGEL joins the other officers, who crouch behind shelves as
they shoot at the two GRUEE EUTCHERS.

DANNY
Where’s Lurch?
138.


ANGEL
He’s unconscious in the freezer.
DANNY
Did you say ’cool off’?

ANGEL
No I didn’t say anything.
DANNY
Oh shame.

ANGEL
But you missed a bit earlier when I
distracted him with the monkey,
said ’Playtime’s over’ and hit him
with the Peace Lily.

DANNY
You’re off the fucking chain!

Another cleaver whizzes by, smashing more sauce bottles.

ANGEL
What’s the situation?

WAINWRIGHT
Two blokes and a lot of cutlery.
What do you reckon?

The two GRUFF BUTCHERS wait, knives drawn, ready to throw.
Suddenly a terrific clattering rumble fills the store. A
battering ram comprised of several trollies handcuffed
together bursts into view, hurtling toward the GRUFF
BUTCHERS. The ANDES ride the front of the trolley-ram,
yelling like Vikings.

The trollies crash into the meat counter, knocking the GRUFF
BUTCHERS to the [U+FB02]oor. The ANDES leap off the makeshift
battering ram and deck the [U+FB02]oored bad guys.

A PIERCING SCREAM. The officers turn to see the sluttish
CHECKOUT GIRL running towards them.
DORIS THATCHER grabs the ’WET FLOOR’ sign and slams it into
the CHECKOUT GIRL’s face. She slides across the [U+FB02]oor.

WAINWRIGHT (cont’d)
Nice one Doris.
DORIS THATCHER
Nothing like a bit of girl on girl.
139.


SPLAT! The officers duck for cover. Gangly SHELF STACKERS
appear, throwing a volley of melons and pineapples.
ANGEL
Can you handle this sergeant? We’re
going after the big boss.

FISHER
We’re on it, Sergeant.
ANGEL
Danny, let’s roll.
WAINWEIGHT
Angel! Don’t go being a twat now.
ANGEL
I wouldn’t give you the
satisfaction.

ANGEL and DANNY burst in. The office is deserted, the window
open. They see SKINNER in the car park climbing into a SQUAD
CAR, driven by FRANK.

ANGEL (cont’d)
Let’s get down there.

DANNY
How?

ANGEL
Skip.

ANGEL and DANNY jump through the open window and land in a
skip full of cardboard boxes, as FRANK’s car peels off.

ANGEL (cont’d)
Head ’em off?
DANNY
Fuck yeah.

ANGEL and DANNY sprint down an alley, burst back into the
square and race towards DANNY’s SQUAD CAR.

DANNY (cont’d)
I’ll drive.

ANGEL slides over the bonnet to the passenger side. FRANK’s
car screams past. DANNY gets in and [U+FB02]icks on the
siren.
140.


ANGEL
Punch that shit!
They screech off. Behind them we see the once picturesque
square bullet riddled and blood splattered. The banner
reading ’Village of the Year’ [U+FB02]utters to the ground.

Three official looking types holding clipboards stand
gobsmacked amid the debris.
Genres: ["Action","Comedy","Crime","Thriller"]

Summary In the SUMMERAISLES supermarket, Angel leads his recruits in a chaotic confrontation with criminals. After a failed initial attempt to confront Lurch, a brawl erupts involving various store staff. Angel ultimately subdues Lurch and, alongside Danny, pursues the escaping villain Skinner, who makes a getaway in a squad car.
Strengths
  • Intense action sequences
  • Sharp and witty dialogue
  • Innovative setting
  • High emotional impact
Weaknesses
  • Some elements may be too chaotic for some viewers
  • Character development could be more pronounced

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is highly engaging, combining action, humor, and suspense effectively. It keeps the audience on the edge of their seats with its fast-paced and chaotic nature.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a supermarket showdown is innovative and adds a fresh twist to the typical action scene. The use of everyday objects as weapons and the unexpected setting make the scene stand out.

Plot: 7

The plot advances significantly in this scene as the protagonist confronts the antagonist in a high-stakes situation. The conflict reaches a peak, setting the stage for the climax of the story.

Originality: 9

The scene is original in its approach to a classic action sequence, incorporating humor and unconventional tactics in a supermarket setting. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and fresh, adding depth to the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 7

The characters show bravery, wit, and determination in the face of danger. Their interactions and dialogue add depth to their personalities and drive the scene forward.

Character Changes: 6

While there are no significant character arcs in this scene, the characters show growth in their courage, teamwork, and determination to confront the antagonist.

Internal Goal: 8

Angel's internal goal in this scene is to confront his past and prove himself as a capable officer. He wants to show his team and himself that he can handle the situation and take down the criminals, despite facing personal challenges and doubts.

External Goal: 7

Angel's external goal is to apprehend the criminals and stop the robbery in progress. He wants to protect the town and uphold the law, showcasing his dedication to his job and the safety of the community.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is intense and multi-layered, involving physical combat, emotional tension, and moral dilemmas. The stakes are high, driving the characters to their limits.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the criminals presenting a formidable challenge to Angel and his team. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how the conflict will be resolved.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are incredibly high in this scene, as the protagonist faces off against the antagonist in a life-or-death situation. The outcome will determine the fate of the characters and the village.

Story Forward: 8

The scene propels the story forward by resolving a major conflict between the protagonist and the antagonist. It sets the stage for the final showdown and resolution of the plot.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the characters' unconventional tactics, unexpected twists, and humorous moments. The audience is kept on their toes, unsure of how the situation will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the idea of justice and redemption. Angel believes in doing what is right and confronting wrongdoers, while characters like Lurch represent a darker, more violent approach to conflict resolution.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a range of emotions from excitement to amusement to suspense. The audience is emotionally invested in the characters' fates and the outcome of the showdown.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is sharp, witty, and adds humor to the intense action sequences. It reveals the characters' motivations and emotions, enhancing the audience's connection to the story.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its blend of action, humor, and character dynamics. The fast-paced narrative and unexpected twists keep the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a balance of action sequences, dialogue exchanges, and character moments. The rhythm of the scene keeps the audience engaged and invested in the outcome.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows standard formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings, dialogue formatting, and action descriptions. The formatting enhances the readability and flow of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with a buildup of tension, a climax of action, and a resolution that sets up future events. The pacing and formatting enhance the scene's impact and readability.


Critique
  • The scene effectively maintains the comedic tone established throughout the screenplay, with humorous dialogue and absurd situations, such as the use of a 'battering ram' made of shopping trolleys. This aligns well with the overall style of the script, which blends action and comedy.
  • The pacing is brisk, which is appropriate for a climactic confrontation. However, some moments feel rushed, particularly the transition from Angel's initial confrontation with Lurch to the chaotic supermarket fight. A bit more buildup or tension could enhance the stakes.
  • Character interactions are lively and engaging, particularly the banter between Angel and Danny. However, some of the supporting characters, like Wainwright and Cartwright, could benefit from more distinct personalities or quirks to make them memorable amidst the chaos.
  • The physical comedy, such as Angel being thrown through the window and the absurdity of the checkout girl being taken down with a sign, is well-executed. However, the scene could use a clearer visual structure to help the audience follow the action more easily, especially during the chaotic fight sequences.
  • The dialogue is witty and fits the characters, but some lines, like 'Did you say 'cool off'?' feel a bit forced and could be streamlined for better flow. Additionally, the humor could be enhanced by incorporating more situational comedy that arises organically from the characters' actions.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment of tension before the action escalates, perhaps a brief exchange that highlights the stakes or the danger they are about to face. This could help ground the audience before the chaos ensues.
  • Enhance the distinctiveness of supporting characters by giving them unique traits or catchphrases that can be used in the heat of the moment, making them more memorable and adding to the comedic effect.
  • Clarify the action sequences by using more descriptive language to guide the reader through the chaos. For example, specify the movements of characters and the environment to create a clearer visual picture.
  • Streamline some of the dialogue to ensure it feels natural and flows well. Consider removing or rephrasing lines that feel forced or overly contrived to maintain the comedic rhythm.
  • Incorporate more situational humor that arises from the absurdity of the situation, rather than relying solely on one-liners. This could involve characters reacting in unexpected ways to the chaos around them.



Scene 40 - Chaos in the Miniature Village
EXT. SANDFOED STREETS - DAY
FRANK’s car races past a ’KILL YOUR SPEED’ sign.
Behind, ANGEL and DANNY gain on them. They take turns
shooting at FRANK’s car as they go. It’s COP ON COP.

FRANK’s car hits the brow of a hill at 100mph and gets air.
As it hits the road again, SKINNNR spots something.

SKINNER
Swan!

FRANK panics. Swerves. Big mistake. The car careers off the
road and smashes right into a sign for the ’MODEL VILLAGE’.


EXT. MODEL VILLAGE - DAY

A beautiful blue sky. The sun beams down on a perfect vista
of Sandford. The idyllic shot is quickly ruined however as-

A GIGANTIC SQUAD CAR [U+FB02]ies over what we reveal to be a
miniature version of Sandford. A small GINGER HAIRED KID
stares in awe as the SQUAD CAR brie[U+FB02]y blocks out the
sun.


EXT. ROAD - DAY

ANGEL and DANNY’s SQUAD CAR reaches the brow of the hill.
ANGEL
Swan.

DANNY brakes with expert timing. They screech to a stop by
the waddling SWAN. ANGEL opens the door and grabs the SWAN.
141.


EXT. MODEL VILLAGE - DAY
The SWAN now sat in the back seat, DANNY takes the SQUAD CAR
into the Model Village. Ahead is a scene of devastation.
FRANK’s SQUAD CAR lies upturned in a water feature, a
damaged sprinkler rains water down onto the model village.
FRANK is motionless at the wheel.
SKINNER limps away from the crash. ANGEL jumps from the car
and runs toward him. DANNY runs over to his injured father.
SKINNER swipes up the GINGER HAIRED KID and holds a pistol
to his head. ANGEL freezes, stopping dead in his tracks.
SKTNNER
Stay back or the ginger nut gets
it!

The KID thinks fast, sinking his teeth into SKINNER’s hand.

SKINNER
Ow you little fucker!

SKINNER drops the kid. Before he has a chance to recover,
ANGEL pounces and they both crash down into the tiny
village. SKINNER’s pistol skitters down a miniature street.

ANGEL and SKINNER spring back up. The sprinkler rains down
as they trade blows. The low angle in the model village
makes them look like GODZILLA and KING KONG.

ANGEL hits SKINNER twice hard in the face. Reaching out
SKINNER grabs ANGELS’s hand. ANGEL winces in pain. SKINNER
sees he has discovered a weakness and exploits it. He twists
ANGEL’s hand whilst raining blows down on his face.

SKINNER (cont’d)
GET GUT GE MY VILLAGE!
ANGEL straightens himself like T2 and shakes his head.

ANGEL
It’s not your village any more.
WHAM. ANGEL [U+FB02]attens SKINNER with one punch. SKINNER
sprawls across a mini village sguare. ANGEL looks over to
the GINGER KID, who is agog at the coolness of events.

ANGEL (cont’d)
Well done son. What’s your name?
142.


GINGER HAIRED KID
Aaron A. Aaronson.
ANGEL
I’m sorry?

The KID’s eyes go wide. ANGEL spins around. Behind is a
maniacal SKINNER, holding a box cutter knife and running
full pelt at ANGEL through the tiny streets.
SKINNER
Annnnnnnnnnnnnngelllllllll!
SKINNER trips on a model Someraisles truck. His legs slip
from under him, sending him [U+FB02]ying. He spins in the
air.

SPLAT. SKINNER falls hard onto the miniature church roof. A
model turret has embedded itself beneath SKINNER’s chin and
protrudes through his mouth.

ANGEL looks to DANNY who pulls FRANK from the SQUAD CAR.

ANGEL
Danny. It’s over.

SKINNER (0.S.}
Ooowwww.

SKINNER is not actually dead. He speaks, even though his
neck and tongue are now pierced by the turret.

SKINNER
Goooow, thith weally hurth. I can’t
feel my thongue. I’m going to need
thome ice cream.

ANGEL
There’s plenty of ice cream back at
the station. Isn’t there-

ANGEL turns to see FRANK holding a gun to DANNY’s head.
ANGEL (cont’d)
Oh pack it in Frank, you silly
bastard!

FRANK
Now, now Sergeant. We don’t want
any more bloodshed.
143.


DANNY
Dad, don’t do this!
ANGEL
Frank, this whole thing started
because you lost someone you loved.
Don’t expect me to believe you’d
let it end the same way.
FRANK
I’ll tell you how this is going to
end!
He points his gun at ANGEL. DANNY leaps on FRANK wrestling
the gun from him. FRANK sprints off towards ANGEL’s car.
DANNY aims the gun at him and is about to pull the trigger.
He can’t. Instead he points the gun in the air and fires.

DANNY
Aaaaargh!

FRANK jumps in the car and peels off, wheels screeching.
Genres: ["Action","Thriller","Comedy"]

Summary In a tense and chaotic scene, Frank's car is pursued by Angel and Danny, leading to a crash in a miniature model village. Skinner, injured, takes a ginger-haired kid hostage but is thwarted when the child bites him. A fight breaks out between Angel and Skinner, resulting in Skinner being impaled on a model church roof. Meanwhile, Frank holds Danny at gunpoint but ultimately escapes when Danny cannot bring himself to shoot. The scene blends action with dark humor, culminating in Frank's getaway as Angel and Danny are left behind.
Strengths
  • Intense action sequences
  • Dynamic character interactions
  • Engaging dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Some elements may be over-the-top or unrealistic

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is action-packed, filled with tension, humor, and drama, making it highly engaging and entertaining.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a showdown in a model village adds a creative and visually interesting element to the scene, enhancing the action and conflict.

Plot: 9

The plot advances significantly with the resolution of the conflict between Angel, Skinner, and Frank, leading to a satisfying conclusion.

Originality: 9

The scene features a unique blend of action and comedy, with unexpected twists and turns that keep the audience engaged. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and add depth to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters, especially Angel, Skinner, and Frank, show depth and development through their actions and dialogue, adding complexity to the scene.

Character Changes: 7

Angel undergoes a transformation in this scene, asserting his authority and confronting his adversaries with determination and courage.

Internal Goal: 8

Angel's internal goal is to protect the village and uphold justice, reflecting his deeper desire for order and safety in the community.

External Goal: 7

Angel's external goal is to apprehend the criminals and prevent further harm to the village, reflecting the immediate challenge of stopping the chaos and violence.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between Angel, Skinner, and Frank reaches a climax, creating high stakes and intense moments of action and drama.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with characters facing difficult choices and moral dilemmas that add depth to the conflict.

High Stakes: 9

The high stakes in the scene, including life-threatening situations and moral dilemmas, heighten the tension and keep the audience on the edge of their seats.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward by resolving key conflicts, revealing important information, and setting the stage for the final act of the screenplay.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists and turns in the plot, keeping the audience guessing about the characters' fates.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between justice and revenge, as Frank's actions are driven by his desire for vengeance while Angel seeks to uphold the law and protect the innocent.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from tension and excitement to humor and empathy, engaging the audience on an emotional level.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is sharp, impactful, and reveals the characters' motivations and emotions effectively, contributing to the intensity of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its fast-paced action, witty dialogue, and high-stakes conflict that keeps the audience on the edge of their seats.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a balance of action and dialogue that maintains the tension and drives the narrative forward.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings and descriptions that enhance the visual storytelling.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with well-defined action beats and character interactions, maintaining the tension and pacing.


Critique
  • The scene effectively combines action and humor, maintaining the tone established throughout the screenplay. The juxtaposition of the chaotic car chase with the idyllic setting of the model village creates a stark contrast that enhances the comedic effect.
  • The dialogue is sharp and reflects the characters' personalities well, particularly Angel's calm demeanor in the face of chaos and Skinner's frantic nature. However, some lines could be tightened for clarity and impact, especially during the confrontation between Angel and Frank.
  • The physical comedy, especially with Skinner's fall onto the miniature church roof, is visually engaging and fits the overall absurdity of the situation. However, the description of the action could be more concise to maintain pacing and avoid overwhelming the reader with details.
  • The emotional stakes are high, particularly with Danny's conflict regarding his father. This adds depth to the scene, but the resolution feels somewhat rushed. The moment where Danny chooses not to shoot Frank could benefit from more internal conflict or hesitation to heighten the tension.
  • The introduction of the ginger-haired kid adds a humorous touch, but his character could be developed further to make his presence more impactful. A brief line about his reaction to the chaos could enhance the comedic effect and provide a moment of levity amidst the tension.
Suggestions
  • Consider tightening the dialogue during the confrontation between Angel and Frank to enhance the emotional weight of the moment. This could involve reducing repetitive phrases and focusing on the core of their conflict.
  • Explore Danny's internal struggle more deeply before he decides not to shoot Frank. Adding a moment of hesitation or a flashback could enrich the emotional stakes and make his decision feel more significant.
  • Enhance the ginger-haired kid's role by including a line that reflects his awe or fear during the chaos, which could serve to heighten the comedic contrast between the violence and the innocent setting.
  • Streamline the action descriptions to maintain a brisk pace. Focus on the most visually striking moments and avoid excessive detail that could slow down the reader's engagement.
  • Consider adding a brief moment of reflection for Angel after the chaos, allowing him to process the events and their implications for his relationship with Danny and the village, which could deepen the emotional resonance of the scene.



Scene 41 - Chaos in Sandford
INT. CAR - CONTINUOUS

FRANK looks in his rear view. No one pursues him.

However he is not alone in the car. Behind, the long slender
neck of THE SWAN rears up. FRANK turns. It pounces.


EXT. ROAD - MORNING

ANGEL and DANNY watch as the CAR veers wildly and crashes
into a tree. We hear the sound of distant swan battle.
ANGEL
I feel like I should say something
smart.

DANNY
You don’t have to say anything at
all.

Rehind them cars screech up and the rest of the Sandford
police run over. The two officers look up to see a
METROPOLITAN POLICE HELICOPTER coming to land in a field.
144.


EXT. ROAD - LATER
FRANK sits handcuffed in the back of an ambulance, wearing a
neckbrace.
SKINNER is carried through shot on a stretcher, the model
church spire still sticking through his face. The HOODIES
record this sight on their mobiles.
SKINNER
Ow ow ow ow ow ow ow.

We see the Swan cuffed to a car door by the neck. The OLD
MAN IN A CAP approaches to retrieve him.
ANGEL and DANNY sit with blankets around them. They are
addressed by the three ofificers from the start of the film.

CHIEF INSPECTOR
What do you say Nicholas?

INSPECTOR
We’ve been trying to reach you for
days.

ANGEL
Well I’ve been kind of busy.

SERGEANT
We need you back. The figures have
gone a little squiffy in your
absence it has to be said.

CHIEF INSPECTOR
Come back to London. Sandford’s
hardly fitting for such an
exceptional officer.
ANGEL looks to DANNY, then back at the model Sandford.

ANGEL
Yes, but the thing is sir. I like
it here. Now, if you’ll excuse me,
we have to do a considerable amount
of paperwork.


INT/EXT. STATION - DAY
FASTCUTS of forms being filled, various NWA members
processed; prints, mug shots etc. ROY PORTER still has the
bear trap on his head. He is measured as 7 feet 5 inches.
145.


INT. STATION - DUSK
The entire Sandford force, including both DESK SERGEANTS sit
guietly scribbling away. DANNY is particularly hard at work,
the Peace Lily now has pride of place on his desk.

WATNWRIGHT
Fucking hell Nick, this is going to
take ages.
CARTWRIGHT
Yeah, we’re gonna be here all
night.
FISHER
Good job we’ve got the manpower
isn’t it Andy?

DANNY
Actually, official vocab guidelines
state that we say ’staf[U+FB02]ng’,
not ’manpower’. ’Manpower’s sexist.

ANGEL
You don’t mind a bit of manpower do
you Doris?

DORIS THATCHER
Dirty bastard!

Everyone laughs. Whoops and catcalls fill the office. ANGEL
is for once the office joker.

A WASTEPAPER BASKET hits him hard on the head.

ANGEL
Hey you cheeky fucker!
Another huge laugh. ANGEL grins at DANNY, who appears
suddenly grave. He follows DANNY’s gaze to see TOM WEAVER.
Aiming a BLUNDERBUSS at ANGEL, his face full of hate.
WEAVER
You know what you are? A bloody
busy-body!

WEAVER fires. DANNY lunges at ANGEL, pushing him off his
chair and taking full force of WEAVER’s blast in the chest.
With lightning speed ANGEL slips his feet into a wastepaper
basket and kicks it at WEAVER’s face.
146.

WEAVER staggers back into the evidence ream. He hits the
back shelf. The sea mine teeters, rolls forward and drops
between WEAVER’s legs, narrowly missing his crotch.

WEAVER (cont’d)
Oh thank god.
KA-BOOM. The sea mine gees off. The evidence room door
blasts outwards. ANGEL [U+FB02]ies backwards thrcugh the air.

SANDFORD POLICE STATION EXPLODES.
In the clearing smoke, paperwork [U+FB02]utters to the fioor.
From under the rubble, we see movement. A hedgehog crawls
out, blinking in the light.

Then the Sandford Police Service, blackened but intact,
miraoulcusly get to their feet. A frantic ANGEL hurries over
to find DANNY who lies among the debris, barely alive.

ANGEL
Hold an Danny. Everything’s
alright.

The offieers gather round ANGEL cradling DANNY in his arms.

ANGEL (cont’d)
Everything’s gonna be just fine.
Genres: ["Action","Comedy","Mystery","Thriller"]

Summary Frank's car is attacked by a swan, leading to a crash that draws the attention of Angel and Danny. Police officers confront Angel about returning to London, but he insists on staying in Sandford. The scene escalates when Tom Weaver shoots at Angel, prompting Danny to save him, resulting in a catastrophic explosion at the police station. Amidst the chaos, Angel comforts a gravely injured Danny, assuring him that everything will be fine.
Strengths
  • Engaging action sequences
  • Sharp dialogue
  • Dynamic character interactions
  • High-stakes conflict resolution
  • Unexpected twists and turns
Weaknesses
  • Potential for over-the-top action
  • Some unrealistic elements in the explosion sequence

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly engaging, combining action-packed sequences with comedic moments and dramatic revelations. The explosive climax adds a thrilling element to the story, keeping the audience on the edge of their seats.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a final showdown between the protagonist and the antagonists is well-executed, with unexpected twists and turns that elevate the tension and excitement. The use of humor amidst the chaos adds depth to the scene.

Plot: 9

The plot unfolds seamlessly, building up to a climactic confrontation that resolves multiple storylines and character arcs. The explosive events at the police station propel the narrative forward and set the stage for the resolution of the mystery.

Originality: 9

The scene is original in its blend of humor, action, and emotional depth. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and true to the world of the story.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-developed and their interactions drive the scene forward. The dynamic between Angel and Danny, as well as the antagonists, adds depth to the conflict and resolution.

Character Changes: 7

Several characters undergo significant changes during the scene, particularly Danny who defies his father and stands up for justice. Angel also experiences growth as he navigates complex moral decisions and confronts the antagonists.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to stay true to himself and his values, even when faced with pressure to return to London. This reflects his desire for authenticity and his attachment to the town of Sandford.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to deal with the aftermath of the explosion at the police station and ensure the safety of his partner, Danny. This reflects the immediate challenge he is facing in the chaotic situation.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict reaches a peak in this scene, with intense confrontations and high-stakes actions driving the narrative forward. The explosive showdown at the police station escalates the tension and resolves multiple conflicts.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing a life-threatening situation and having to make a difficult choice. The audience is kept on edge about the outcome.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in this scene, as the characters face life-threatening situations, moral dilemmas, and confrontations with the antagonists. The explosive showdown raises the stakes and sets the stage for the final resolution.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward by resolving key conflicts, advancing character arcs, and setting the stage for the final resolution. The explosive events at the police station mark a turning point in the narrative.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the sudden explosion and the unexpected actions of the characters. The audience is kept guessing about what will happen next.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

There is a philosophical conflict between the protagonist's loyalty to Sandford and his duty to return to London. This challenges his beliefs about where he belongs and what it means to be a good police officer.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The emotional impact is significant, as the characters face life-threatening situations and moral dilemmas. The audience is emotionally invested in the outcome of the confrontation, leading to a powerful resolution.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is sharp and witty, blending humor with tension to create a compelling narrative. The banter between characters adds to the overall tone of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its blend of humor, action, and emotional moments. The unexpected twists and turns keep the audience on the edge of their seats.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is fast-paced and dynamic, with a good balance of action and dialogue. The rhythm of the scene contributes to its effectiveness and keeps the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings and action descriptions. The dialogue is formatted correctly and contributes to the overall flow of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness.


Critique
  • The scene effectively combines humor and action, maintaining the tone established throughout the screenplay. The absurdity of a swan attacking Frank adds a comedic element that contrasts well with the chaos of the police chase and subsequent crash.
  • The dialogue between Angel and Danny is natural and reflects their camaraderie, but it could benefit from a bit more depth. While Danny's line about not needing to say anything is good, it feels somewhat flat. A more engaging exchange could enhance their relationship and provide insight into their characters.
  • The transition from the car crash to the ambulance scene is smooth, but the introduction of the Metropolitan Police helicopter feels abrupt. It might be more effective to build up to this moment, perhaps by showing the urgency of the situation or the chaos that follows the crash.
  • The visual imagery of the swan cuffed to a car door is humorous and memorable, but it could be enhanced by providing a brief reaction from the characters witnessing it. This would help ground the absurdity in the reality of the scene and add to the comedic effect.
  • The pacing of the scene is generally good, but the explosion at the police station feels rushed. It might benefit from a moment of tension or buildup before the explosion, allowing the audience to fully grasp the stakes involved.
  • The final moments where Angel cradles Danny could be more emotionally impactful. While the humor is present, the gravity of the situation could be emphasized further to create a stronger emotional resonance with the audience.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a more dynamic exchange between Angel and Danny that reveals more about their characters and their relationship, perhaps through a shared joke or a moment of vulnerability.
  • Build up the arrival of the Metropolitan Police helicopter by incorporating a sense of urgency or chaos that leads to its appearance, making it feel like a natural progression of the scene.
  • Include reactions from bystanders or other characters to the sight of the swan cuffed to the car door to enhance the comedic effect and ground the absurdity in the scene.
  • Add a moment of tension before the explosion at the police station, perhaps through a character's realization of the danger, to heighten the stakes and make the explosion more impactful.
  • Enhance the emotional weight of the final moments by allowing Angel to express more concern for Danny, perhaps through dialogue or a more dramatic physical reaction, to create a stronger connection with the audience.



Scene 42 - A New Chapter in Sandford
EXT. SANDFORD/VARIOUS - DAY

CAPTION - ’One Year Later’. We see ANGEL leaving a cottage
and walk by a garden yath.

We see ANGEL, now an Inspector, suiting up at the station.
His uniform is different however. It’s more modern. Cooler.
He is else armed with an automatic revolver.

ANGEL strolls down a station corridor. Familiar looking
brightly coloured notices are pinned all around the walls.
ANGEL walks out of the newly built station, and gets into
his new SQUAD CAR. It’s mere modern. Cooler.

ANGEL drives along, his passenger seat conspicuously empty.
He passes a skate yark where GABRIEL WEAVER and friends
congregate, their heeds down. His mobile rings. He answers.
ANGEL
Okay. Give me a minute.
ANGEL comes out of the florists, now called LESLIE’S GARDEN,
with a bouquet of [U+FB02]owers and gets into his car.
147.


He walks through the graveyard to a single headstone. We see
that it reads BUTTERMAN.
ANGEL (CONT’D)
Are these okay?

VOICE (O.S.)
Yeah they’re lovely.
DANNY is revealed, standing next to ANGEL. He kneels down
and places the [U+FB02]owers on a grave. ANGEL steps back,
revealing the full headstone. It reads, ’IRENE BUTTERMAN’.


INT/EXT. SQUAD CAR - DAY
DANNY and ANGEL are in their car. The radic crackles.

DORIS THATCHER (0.S.)
Any officers near the church?

ANGEL
Go ahead Doris.

DORIS TRATCHER (0.S.)
Chief, we’ve had a report of some
hippy types messin’ with the
recycle bins at the supermarket.

ANGEL
Leave it with us. Sergeant
Butterman. Little hand says it’s
time to rock and roll.

DANNY
Bring the noise.

We cut to the exterior of the SQUAD CAR. ANGEL pulls a
spectacular handbrake turn, spinning the car 180 degrees.
Accelerating with a roar, the car hurtles towards us,
filling the frame.
CRASH TO BLACK
Genres: ["Action","Thriller","Comedy"]

Summary One year later, Inspector Angel visits a florist to buy flowers for Irene Butterman's grave, joined by Danny. They reflect on the past before receiving a call about a disturbance at the supermarket. With a mix of nostalgia and determination, they prepare to respond, showcasing their camaraderie as Angel performs a dramatic handbrake turn in their squad car, signaling the start of their next adventure.
Strengths
  • Engaging blend of action, thriller, and comedy
  • Well-developed plot and characters
  • Tense and chaotic atmosphere
  • Sharp and witty dialogue
  • Emotional depth and character development
Weaknesses
  • Some elements may be too chaotic for some viewers
  • Character motivations may be complex for casual viewers

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly engaging, with a perfect blend of tension, humor, and action. It keeps the audience on the edge of their seats while also providing moments of emotional depth and character development.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of a small village hiding dark secrets and the protagonist's journey to uncover the truth is compelling and well-executed. The scene effectively builds on the established plot and themes of the screenplay.

Plot: 9

The plot is intricate and well-developed, with multiple layers of mystery and suspense. The scene advances the overall story arc significantly and sets up the climax of the screenplay.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the classic cop drama genre by combining elements of nostalgia, humor, and modernity. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-defined and undergo significant development throughout the scene. The dynamic between Angel and Danny is particularly engaging, showcasing their growth and complex relationship.

Character Changes: 7

Several characters undergo significant changes during the scene, particularly Angel and Danny. Their relationship evolves, and they both confront their beliefs and values in the face of danger.

Internal Goal: 8

Angel's internal goal in this scene is to pay respects to Irene Butterman's grave, showing his emotional connection to the past and his growth as a character.

External Goal: 7

Angel's external goal is to respond to a call about hippy types causing trouble at the supermarket, showcasing his dedication to his job and maintaining order in the town.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is intense and multi-layered, with high stakes and emotional resonance. The confrontation between Angel, Danny, and the NWA members creates a palpable sense of danger and suspense.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create tension and challenge the characters, especially with the call about hippy types causing trouble.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are incredibly high in the scene, with the characters facing life-threatening situations and moral dilemmas. The outcome of the conflict will have far-reaching consequences for the characters and the village.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward at a rapid pace, revealing crucial information, escalating the conflict, and setting up the climax of the screenplay. It effectively ties together various plot threads and character arcs.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it combines unexpected emotional beats with fast-paced action, keeping the audience on their toes.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the balance between honoring the past and embracing the future. Angel's visit to Irene Butterman's grave juxtaposed with his modern equipment and job duties highlights this conflict.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene elicits a range of emotions from the audience, including tension, excitement, and empathy. The emotional impact is heightened by the character dynamics and the high-stakes nature of the conflict.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is sharp, witty, and effectively conveys the tension and humor of the scene. It also reveals important information about the characters and their motivations.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it balances emotional moments with action sequences, keeping the audience invested in Angel's journey and the town of Sandford.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by balancing emotional moments with action sequences, creating a dynamic and engaging rhythm.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions, character actions, and dialogue. The visual elements are well-crafted.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm contribute to its effectiveness.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes a time jump with the caption 'One Year Later,' which helps to set the stage for the character development of Angel. However, the transition from the previous scene, where Angel is cradling Danny, to this scene feels abrupt. A brief moment reflecting on the aftermath of the explosion or a hint of how the events have affected Angel could enhance emotional continuity.
  • The description of Angel's new role as an Inspector and his modern uniform is a good visual cue for character growth. However, the phrase 'cooler' is vague and could be replaced with more specific adjectives that convey the style or functionality of the new uniform, enhancing the reader's visualization.
  • The dialogue between Angel and Danny is light-hearted and captures their camaraderie well, but it could benefit from a bit more context or subtext. For instance, a line that hints at their shared experiences over the past year could deepen their relationship and provide a sense of continuity.
  • The introduction of the new squad car and the handbrake turn is visually exciting, but it may come off as slightly over-the-top without a clear reason for such a dramatic maneuver. Adding a line that reflects Angel's confidence or excitement about his new role could justify this action and make it feel more grounded.
  • The scene lacks a strong emotional hook. While it starts with a sense of normalcy, it could be enhanced by incorporating a moment of reflection or a brief flashback that connects Angel's past experiences with his current situation, thereby deepening the audience's investment in his character.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of reflection for Angel as he leaves the cottage, perhaps a thought about Danny or the events of the previous year, to create a smoother transition from the previous scene.
  • Replace the vague term 'cooler' with more descriptive language that conveys the specific style or features of Angel's new uniform, enhancing the reader's visualization.
  • Incorporate a line of dialogue that hints at the growth of Angel and Danny's relationship over the past year, adding depth to their camaraderie.
  • Justify the dramatic handbrake turn with a line that reflects Angel's excitement or confidence in his new role, making the action feel more grounded.
  • Introduce a moment of emotional resonance, such as a flashback or a brief reflection on the past year, to create a stronger emotional hook and deepen the audience's connection to Angel's character.



Characters in the screenplay, and their arcs:

nicholas angel

<ul><li>Nicholas Angel is a dedicated and high-performing police officer in London, known for his exceptional skills and unwavering commitment to justice. He is serious, focused, and driven by a strong sense of duty, often prioritizing his work over personal relationships. His reluctance to leave the bustling city for a promotion in a small village highlights his struggle with change and adaptation. Despite his serious demeanor, he possesses a dry sense of humor and a hint of sarcasm, which he uses to navigate the absurdities of his surroundings. His communication style is direct and authoritative, often employing formal language and police jargon, reflecting his no-nonsense attitude and professional background. He tends to correct others on terminology and is succinct in his responses, indicating a disinterest in frivolous banter.</li><li>Nicholas speaks with precision and authority, using formal language and police terminology. His dialogue is characterized by directness and a reliance on facts and logic, often laced with a dry sense of humor and sarcasm.</li></ul>



angel

<ul><li>Sergeant Nicholas Angel is a dedicated, serious, and principled police officer with a strong sense of justice. He is methodical, observant, and possesses a keen eye for detail, which makes him exceptionally skilled in his line of work. Angel's no-nonsense attitude often puts him at odds with the quirky villagers of Sandford, who embody a more relaxed and unconventional approach to life. Despite his serious demeanor, he has a dry sense of humor that surfaces in his interactions, often using sarcasm to navigate absurd situations. His speaking style is formal and precise, characterized by direct language and technical jargon, reflecting his commitment to professionalism and procedural correctness. He tends to ask direct questions and seeks clarity in his communications, often using unique phrases that highlight his expertise in law enforcement.</li><li>Angel speaks with authority and precision, often employing formal language and police jargon. His dialogue is sharp and impactful, frequently laced with dry humor and sarcasm, especially when addressing the eccentricities of his surroundings.</li></ul>



frank

<ul><li>Frank is a multifaceted character who embodies the jovial and laid-back demeanor of a small-town police officer while concealing a darker, more manipulative side. He is well-liked in the community for his humor and relaxed approach to policing, often using cowboy references and Western sayings to create a light-hearted atmosphere. However, beneath this jovial exterior lies a complex individual who is willing to go to extreme lengths to maintain the facade of a perfect village. His calm and calculated demeanor masks his ruthless motivations, revealing a conflicted character torn between his personal vendetta and his duty as a police officer.</li><li>Frank speaks with a casual and friendly tone, often laced with humor and sarcasm. He uses jokes and puns to diffuse tension, creating a relaxed environment in the station. However, as the story progresses, his speaking style shifts to a more calculated and calm demeanor, reflecting his inner turmoil and the weight of his decisions.</li></ul>



danny

<ul><li>Danny Butterman is a jovial and enthusiastic young police officer who embodies a playful and easygoing nature. He is characterized by his loyalty to his father, Frank, and his admiration for his partner, Angel. Danny often finds himself in humorous situations, providing comic relief with his light-hearted banter and casual demeanor. He has a childlike curiosity and eagerness to learn, frequently asking questions and making jokes that reflect his laid-back attitude. His speaking style is casual and upbeat, filled with slang and colloquial expressions, which helps him connect with his colleagues and diffuse tense situations. Despite his naivety, Danny shows moments of bravery and determination, especially as he grapples with conflicting loyalties between his family and his desire for justice. His character arc reveals growth as he learns to stand up for what is right, ultimately balancing his playful nature with a newfound sense of integrity and courage.</li><li>Danny speaks in a casual, jovial tone, often punctuated with humor and slang. His energetic and enthusiastic manner of speaking reflects his eagerness to engage with others and lighten the mood, even in serious situations.</li></ul>



skinner

Simon Skinner is the manager of the local store, characterized by his sarcastic and manipulative nature. He possesses a sardonic sense of humor that he uses to deflect attention from his true intentions, showcasing a calm and clever demeanor. Skinner's polished speaking style is marked by wit and a hint of sarcasm, allowing him to maintain composure even when faced with accusations. As the story progresses, his cunning and manipulative traits become more pronounced, revealing a darker side to his character. In a dramatic downfall, he exhibits a maniacal demeanor, resorting to desperate measures to achieve his goals, ultimately leading to his defeat.



CharacterArcCritiqueSuggestions
nicholas angel
  • Nicholas begins as a dedicated officer who is resistant to change and struggles with personal connections, prioritizing his job above all else.
  • Upon being assigned to the village of Sandford, he faces a stark contrast between his strict adherence to protocol and the laid-back attitudes of the villagers. This creates tension as he grapples with feelings of isolation and frustration.
  • As the story progresses, Nicholas learns to adapt to his new environment, recognizing the value of community and collaboration. He begins to form relationships with the villagers, which challenges his previous notions of professionalism and duty.
  • By the end of the feature, Nicholas embraces a more balanced approach to his work and personal life, finding a way to integrate his dedication to the police force with a newfound appreciation for the community he serves.
While Nicholas Angel's character arc presents a compelling journey from rigidity to adaptability, it risks becoming predictable. His initial resistance to change is a common trope, and the resolution may feel rushed if not adequately developed. The contrast between his serious nature and the village's laid-back attitude is a strong foundation for humor and conflict, but it needs to be explored more deeply to avoid clichés. To improve Nicholas's character arc, consider introducing more nuanced challenges that force him to confront his beliefs about duty and community. Incorporating subplots that highlight his interactions with specific villagers could deepen his relationships and provide opportunities for growth. Additionally, allowing for moments of vulnerability where he questions his choices could make his transformation more relatable and impactful. Finally, ensure that his resolution feels earned by gradually building his connections with the villagers throughout the screenplay.
angel
  • At the beginning of the screenplay, Angel is portrayed as a by-the-book officer who struggles to adapt to the laid-back and unconventional methods of the Sandford police force. His dedication to upholding the law often leads to conflicts with his colleagues and the community.
  • As the story progresses, Angel faces a series of challenges that force him to confront the absurdity of the village's events and the darker truths hidden beneath its surface. He begins to realize that his rigid adherence to protocol may not always serve justice effectively. Through interactions with the villagers and his partner, Danny, Angel learns to balance his serious nature with a more flexible approach, allowing him to navigate the complexities of the case.
  • In the climax, Angel confronts the truth about the village's dark secrets, asserting his authority and demonstrating his leadership qualities. He embraces his role as a protector of justice, willing to take risks to uncover the truth, even if it means challenging the status quo.
  • By the end of the screenplay, Angel has transformed into a more adaptable and resourceful officer. He retains his commitment to justice but has learned to appreciate the value of collaboration and understanding the community he serves. His character arc concludes with a newfound sense of balance between his professional dedication and the realities of the world around him.
While Angel's character arc is compelling, showcasing his growth from a rigid officer to a more adaptable one, it could benefit from deeper emotional exploration. The screenplay could delve into his internal struggles and vulnerabilities, providing a clearer understanding of what drives his commitment to the law. Additionally, the contrast between his serious nature and the village's eccentricities could be further emphasized to enhance the comedic elements of the story.
  • Introduce flashbacks or moments of reflection that reveal Angel's past experiences and motivations, allowing the audience to connect with his character on a deeper level.
  • Create more opportunities for Angel to engage in meaningful interactions with the villagers, showcasing his gradual acceptance of their quirks and the lessons he learns from them.
  • Consider adding a subplot that challenges Angel's beliefs about justice, forcing him to confront moral dilemmas that test his principles and ultimately contribute to his growth.
frank
  • Frank is introduced as a jovial and easygoing senior officer, beloved by his colleagues and the community. He uses humor to navigate the challenges of policing in a small town.
  • As the plot unfolds, Frank's character begins to reveal layers of complexity. His manipulative tendencies and ruthless motivations come to light, showcasing his willingness to sacrifice his morals for the sake of maintaining control over the village.
  • In a pivotal moment, Frank faces a moral dilemma that forces him to confront the consequences of his actions. His inner turmoil becomes evident as he grapples with the conflict between his personal vendetta and his responsibilities as a police officer.
  • By the end of the story, Frank's character arc culminates in a moment of reckoning. He must choose between continuing his manipulative ways or embracing the values he once held dear. This decision ultimately leads to a transformation, where he either redeems himself or succumbs to the darkness within.
Frank's character arc is compelling, as it showcases the duality of his personality. However, the transition from a light-hearted officer to a manipulative figure may feel abrupt without sufficient buildup. The screenplay could benefit from more gradual hints of his darker motivations throughout the early scenes to create a smoother transition. To improve Frank's character arc, consider incorporating subtle foreshadowing of his darker side in the early acts. This could include moments where his humor masks discomfort or hints of manipulation in his interactions with others. Additionally, providing more backstory on his personal vendetta could deepen the audience's understanding of his motivations, making his eventual choices more impactful.
danny
  • Danny is introduced as a naive and enthusiastic officer, eager to prove himself and often providing comic relief through his playful banter and light-hearted approach to policing.
  • As the story progresses, Danny faces internal conflict regarding his loyalty to his father and his admiration for Angel. He struggles with the moral dilemmas presented by the investigation, leading to moments of impulsiveness and naivety.
  • Throughout the screenplay, Danny experiences significant growth as he learns to navigate his conflicting loyalties. He begins to question authority and the values instilled by his father, ultimately realizing the importance of justice over blind loyalty.
  • In a pivotal moment, Danny must choose between siding with his father or standing up for Angel and what is right. This decision marks a turning point in his character arc, showcasing his bravery and commitment to justice.
  • By the end of the feature, Danny emerges as a more mature and self-aware officer. He retains his playful nature but balances it with a strong sense of integrity and courage, solidifying his role as a loyal partner to Angel.
While Danny's character arc effectively showcases his growth from a naive and playful officer to a more courageous and morally aware individual, there are moments where his naivety can feel overly exaggerated. This could risk undermining the seriousness of the narrative and the stakes involved in the investigation. Additionally, his relationship with Angel could be further developed to highlight the mentor-mentee dynamic, providing more depth to their interactions and Danny's growth. To improve Danny's character arc, consider incorporating more nuanced moments that showcase his internal struggle and moral dilemmas. This could involve scenes where he faces the consequences of his naivety, forcing him to confront the realities of policing. Additionally, enhancing the mentor-mentee relationship with Angel could provide opportunities for Danny to learn valuable lessons, making his growth feel more organic. Finally, balancing his comedic elements with moments of vulnerability could create a more well-rounded character, allowing the audience to connect with his journey on a deeper level.
skinner Skinner begins as a seemingly charming and witty store manager, using his humor and manipulation to maintain control over the community. As the protagonist, Angel, begins to uncover his true nature, Skinner's calm facade starts to crack, revealing his cunning and ruthless ambition. His arc culminates in a dramatic confrontation where his desperation leads to reckless decisions, resulting in his downfall. By the end of the feature, Skinner transforms from a confident antagonist to a defeated figure, showcasing the consequences of his manipulative actions. While Skinner's character is well-defined with a clear progression from charm to desperation, his motivations could be further explored to add depth. The transition from a calm manipulator to a maniacal antagonist feels abrupt and could benefit from more gradual escalation. Additionally, his interactions with other characters could be expanded to highlight his relationships and the impact of his actions on the community. To improve Skinner's character arc, consider incorporating moments that reveal his vulnerabilities or past experiences that shaped his manipulative nature. This could create a more nuanced antagonist that audiences can understand, if not sympathize with. Additionally, adding scenes that showcase his interactions with other characters, particularly those who challenge his authority, could enhance the tension and provide a clearer contrast between his calm demeanor and the chaos he ultimately creates. Gradually increasing the stakes and consequences of his actions throughout the screenplay would also help to build a more compelling narrative arc.
Top Correlations and patterns found in the scenes:

Pattern Explanation
Humor as a Consistent ToneHumorous tone is present in almost every scene, suggesting a comedic or lighthearted overall narrative.
Humor and High Stakes CoexistDespite the prevalent humor, the screenplay consistently maintains high stakes, creating a unique balance between levity and tension.
Dialogue Strength Fluctuates with Emotional ImpactScenes with higher emotional impact generally have stronger dialogue, suggesting a focus on character development and emotional expression.
Character Changes Drive the PlotScenes with significant character changes tend to move the plot forward effectively. This highlights the importance of character arcs in driving the narrative.
Suspense Builds Towards ClimaxThe presence of suspense increases significantly in the latter half of the screenplay, culminating in a tense and dramatic climax.
Dark Humor Emerges in High-Stakes MomentsThe use of dark humor becomes more prominent in scenes with high stakes, potentially adding a layer of complexity to the emotional landscape.
Intense Moments Are Highly RewardingIntense scenes consistently receive high grades across all elements, suggesting a strong impact on the audience.


Writer's Craft Overall Analysis

The screenplay demonstrates a strong command of humor, action, and character dynamics, effectively engaging the audience through witty dialogue and compelling narratives. The writer showcases a unique voice and style, blending genres such as comedy, drama, and mystery. However, there are opportunities for improvement in areas such as character depth, pacing, and the complexity of conflicts.

Key Improvement Areas

Dialogue
While the dialogue is engaging and sharp, there is potential to deepen character interactions and subtext, enhancing emotional resonance and conflict.
Character Development
The characters are dynamic, but further exploration of their motivations and relationships can add layers to the narrative and make them more relatable.
Pacing
Some scenes could benefit from tighter pacing to maintain tension and engagement, particularly during action sequences and dramatic moments.
Conflict Complexity
Introducing more nuanced conflicts and moral dilemmas can elevate the stakes and deepen the narrative, making it more compelling.

Suggestions

Type Suggestion Rationale
Book 'Save the Cat!' by Blake Snyder This book provides valuable insights into structuring and pacing a screenplay, which can enhance the writer's craft and improve overall narrative flow.
Screenplay Read screenplays by Shane Black, such as 'Kiss Kiss Bang Bang' or 'Lethal Weapon' These screenplays exemplify the blend of humor, action, and character dynamics, offering inspiration for crafting engaging dialogue and complex characters.
Video Watch interviews with Edgar Wright discussing his writing process These interviews provide insights into effectively blending humor, action, and emotional depth in screenwriting, which can inform the writer's approach.
Exercise Practice writing dialogue-only scenes to focus on character voice and interaction.Practice In SceneProv This exercise will help improve the writer's ability to create distinct character voices and develop engaging dialogue.
Exercise Write scenes with conflicting character goals to enhance tension and complexity.Practice In SceneProv Creating scenes with conflicting motivations can deepen character interactions and elevate the stakes in the narrative.
Exercise Analyze and rewrite a scene from a favorite film or screenplay to improve pacing and structure.Practice In SceneProv This exercise will help the writer understand effective scene construction and apply those techniques to their own work.
Stories Similar to this one

Story Explanation
Hot Fuzz This screenplay is a direct precursor to 'Hot Fuzz,' which features a similar protagonist, Nicholas Angel, who is a dedicated police officer facing the challenges of a small village. Both stories explore themes of exceptionalism versus mediocrity in law enforcement, with a blend of humor and action.
Shaun of the Dead Also directed by Edgar Wright, this film shares a similar comedic tone and character dynamics. Both films feature ordinary characters facing extraordinary situations, with a mix of humor and horror, and a focus on community interactions.
The Office (UK) The mockumentary style and character-driven humor in 'The Office' resonate with the comedic elements of the screenplay. Both feature a workplace setting where the protagonist navigates quirky colleagues and absurd situations, highlighting the contrast between ambition and mediocrity.
Parks and Recreation This TV show features a dedicated public servant, Leslie Knope, who faces challenges in a small town. The blend of humor, community engagement, and the protagonist's struggle against bureaucratic indifference mirrors the dynamics in the screenplay.
The Nice Guys This film features a mismatched duo of detectives solving a mystery in a comedic fashion. The blend of action, humor, and character development, along with the investigation of a seemingly idyllic setting hiding darker secrets, parallels the screenplay's narrative.
Midsomer Murders This long-running British TV series features a detective solving murders in a picturesque village, often uncovering dark secrets beneath the surface. The small-town setting and the juxtaposition of charm with crime are similar to the screenplay's themes.
The Heat This buddy cop film features a serious officer paired with a more laid-back counterpart, similar to Angel and Danny's dynamic. The blend of action and comedy, along with the exploration of police work, resonates with the screenplay's tone.
Brooklyn Nine-Nine This comedy series focuses on a group of detectives in a precinct, showcasing their interactions and investigations. The humor, camaraderie, and character development reflect the dynamics present in the screenplay.
Fargo This film combines dark humor with crime and features a small-town setting where ordinary people become embroiled in extraordinary events. The blend of quirky characters and a murder mystery aligns with the screenplay's narrative.

Here are different Tropes found in the screenplay

Trope Trope Details Trope Explanation
The Overqualified Newcomer
Small Town with Dark Secrets
The Buddy Cop
The Straight Man
The Mentor
The Love Interest
The Comic Relief
The Unlikely Hero
The Final Showdown


Theme Theme Details Themee Explanation
The Clash of CulturesThe story centers on Nicholas Angel, a highly skilled London police officer who is transferred to the small, seemingly peaceful village of Sandford. His exceptional policing methods clash with the village's laid-back, complacent approach to law enforcement, creating constant friction and comedic misunderstandings.This theme explores the contrast between urban and rural life, highlighting the different values, priorities, and ways of life that exist in each environment. It examines how individuals from different backgrounds adapt to unfamiliar situations and challenge established norms.
Strengthening The Clash of Cultures:
Suggestion Type How to Strengthen the Theme
Character Arc Deepen Angel's internal struggle with his identity as a policeman. Show how Sandford's laid-back approach challenges his rigid London-trained methods and forces him to confront his own beliefs about what it means to be a good officer. This can be done through internal monologues, flashbacks to his London days, or subtle changes in his behavior as he adapts to the village.
Dialogue - Scene 16 During the play scene, incorporate dialogue that directly contrasts Angel's city worldview with the villagers' perspective on life, highlighting the cultural differences. For example, Angel might express disdain for the amateur nature of the play while Danny enjoys it, showcasing their different values.
Story Arc Introduce a subplot involving a local villager, perhaps someone who is an outsider or has experienced prejudice due to their background or beliefs. This subplot can run parallel to Angel's main investigation, adding another layer to the theme of cultural clash and exploring the consequences of the village's insular nature.
Visual Use visual contrasts to highlight the clash of cultures. For example, during Angel's arrival in Sandford, show a montage of bustling London life juxtaposed with the quaint, sleepy village. This visual storytelling can enhance the theme without relying solely on dialogue.
Action - Scene 37 During the final confrontation, incorporate elements that amplify the clash between Angel's city training and the village's unconventional methods. This can be done through fight choreography, weapon choices, or even the use of the village's unusual environment (like the miniature model village) to create unique action sequences.
The Illusion of TranquilitySandford is initially presented as a charming, idyllic village with a low crime rate. However, beneath the surface lies a dark secret – a sinister organization known as the Neighborhood Watch Alliance (NWA) is responsible for manipulating events and covering up crimes to maintain the illusion of peace. The story unravels this deception, revealing the true nature of the village and its inhabitants.This theme highlights the danger of complacency and the importance of questioning appearances. It explores how seemingly idyllic communities can harbor hidden agendas and dark secrets, and the consequences of blindly trusting authority figures.
The Importance of CommunityThe story emphasizes the importance of community in maintaining order and justice. While the NWA seeks to control the village through fear and manipulation, Angel eventually rallies the true community to stand against them, showcasing the power of collective action and the importance of individual responsibility.This theme explores the power of community in combating injustice and the importance of individuals coming together to support each other and fight for what is right. It contrasts the manipulative and self-serving actions of the NWA with the genuine bonds and shared values of the true community.
The Nature of Conformity and RebellionAngel, a non-conformist outsider, struggles to adjust to the village's culture of mediocrity and acceptance of the status quo. He challenges the NWA's control and seeks to expose their corruption, ultimately rebelling against the village's enforced complacency.This theme explores the conflict between individuality and conformity, highlighting the pressures to conform to societal expectations and the courage it takes to challenge the status quo. It examines the consequences of both conformity and rebellion, demonstrating the importance of personal integrity and the pursuit of justice.
The Power of IndividualityDespite facing opposition and ridicule from the villagers, Angel remains committed to his values and his duty to uphold justice. His determination and unwavering commitment to his principles ultimately inspire others to stand up for what is right, demonstrating the power of one individual to make a difference.This theme emphasizes the importance of individual action and the potential for one person to inspire change. It highlights the transformative power of courage, integrity, and the pursuit of justice, even in the face of adversity.



Screenwriting Resources on Themes

Articles

Site Description
Studio Binder Movie Themes: Examples of Common Themes for Screenwriters
Coverfly Improving your Screenplay's theme
John August Writing from Theme

YouTube Videos

Title Description
Story, Plot, Genre, Theme - Screenwriting Basics Screenwriting basics - beginner video
What is theme Discussion on ways to layer theme into a screenplay.
Thematic Mistakes You're Making in Your Script Common Theme mistakes and Philosophical Conflicts
Voice Analysis
Summary: The writer's voice is a unique blend of sharp wit, dry humor, and a subtle yet potent blend of seriousness and lightheartedness. They use witty dialogue and quirky characters to create a charmingly absurd world, but the screenplay never shies away from exploring darker themes and conflicts. The writer expertly balances moments of comedic relief with instances of tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged while simultaneously offering a nuanced commentary on societal dynamics and the complexities of human nature.
Voice Contribution The writer's voice contributes to the script by creating a distinct and memorable tone that is both entertaining and thought-provoking. The witty dialogue adds humor and charm to the story, while the darker themes and conflicts add depth and complexity. This balance between humor and seriousness allows the writer to explore a variety of topics, including the absurdity of small-town life, the importance of community, the nature of justice, and the consequences of unchecked ambition. The writer's use of quirky characters and unique settings also contributes to the overall mood and atmosphere of the screenplay.
Best Representation Scene 9 - Pints and Past Tales
Best Scene Explanation This scene encapsulates the writer's unique voice through its blend of witty dialogue, quirky characters, and a contrast between serious and lighthearted themes. The scene establishes the tone of the screenplay, showcasing the dynamic between Angel's serious demeanor and the light-heartedness of his colleagues. The dialogue is sharp and memorable, with lines like 'You guys have low expectations' perfectly capturing Angel's frustration with the village's laid-back attitude.
Originality
  • Overall originality score: 8.5
  • Overall originality explanation: The screenplay presents a fresh and engaging take on the police procedural genre by blending humor, dark comedy, and character-driven storytelling. It effectively subverts traditional tropes, such as the 'new cop in town' and 'small-town mystery,' by incorporating quirky characters, unexpected plot twists, and a unique setting that enhances the narrative's originality. The authenticity of the dialogue and character interactions further contributes to its originality, making it stand out in the genre.
  • Most unique situations: The most unique situations in the screenplay are the humorous yet darkly comedic interactions between the protagonist and the eccentric villagers, the unexpected use of unconventional weapons like a cuddly monkey and a pot plant during confrontations, and the revelation of a sinister conspiracy among the townspeople to maintain their idyllic facade, which culminates in a chaotic and action-packed climax.
  • Overall unpredictability score: 7.5
  • Overall unpredictability explanation: The screenplay maintains a level of unpredictability through its blend of comedic elements and serious themes, as well as the unexpected twists in character motivations and plot developments. The introduction of a cloaked figure and the eventual revelation of a conspiracy among the villagers keep the audience guessing about the true nature of the events. However, some elements, such as the classic 'new cop' storyline and the eventual confrontation with the antagonist, may follow familiar patterns, slightly reducing the overall unpredictability.
Goals and Philosophical Conflict
internal GoalsThroughout the script, the protagonist evolves from seeking recognition and proficiency as a police officer to grappling with his integrity and moral compass in the face of escalating challenges in a small village. His goals shift from wanting to prove his worth and maintain order, to ultimately confronting the moral dilemmas posed by a corrupt local system, while maintaining his dedication to justice.
External Goals Externally, the protagonist's goals evolve from resisting a transfer to a rural location and proving himself against the skepticism of colleagues, to actively investigating the mysterious deaths and ultimately confronting the village's corrupt elements. His external objectives transition from basic law enforcement tasks to taking down a conspiracy that undermines the integrity of his role as a police officer.
Philosophical Conflict The overarching philosophical conflict involves the protagonist's struggle between the need for personal safety and the obligation to uphold justice. He navigates institutional conformity, moral integrity, and the pressure to conform to local customs versus his commitment to law enforcement. This conflict deeply impacts his character arc, forcing him to confront uncomfortable truths about duty, community loyalty, and the meaning of justice.


Character Development Contribution: The protagonist's evolution of goals underscores his journey from a rigid adherence to police protocols to a more nuanced understanding of justice, ultimately growing into a leader who must balance personal ethics with community expectations. This development enriches his character, showing resilience and adaptability in the face of conflicting values.

Narrative Structure Contribution: The interplay of internal and external goals, coupled with philosophical conflicts, drives the narrative forward, creating tension and stakes. This structure allows for character interactions that highlight the protagonist's changing dynamics with both colleagues and the community, thereby building toward a climax that challenges his beliefs and ethical standards.

Thematic Depth Contribution: The conflict between individual integrity and communal values provides thematic depth, exploring notions of justice, moral sacrifice, and the complexity of human relationships within law enforcement. These layers create a rich narrative tapestry that critiques both the personal and systemic challenges of policing in a small community.


Screenwriting Resources on Goals and Philosophical Conflict

Articles

Site Description
Creative Screenwriting How Important Is A Character’s Goal?
Studio Binder What is Conflict in a Story? A Quick Reminder of the Purpose of Conflict

YouTube Videos

Title Description
How I Build a Story's Philosophical Conflict How do you build philosophical conflict into your story? Where do you start? And how do you develop it into your characters and their external actions. Today I’m going to break this all down and make it fully clear in this episode.
Endings: The Good, the Bad, and the Insanely Great By Michael Arndt: I put this lecture together in 2006, when I started work at Pixar on Toy Story 3. It looks at how to write an "insanely great" ending, using Star Wars, The Graduate, and Little Miss Sunshine as examples. 90 minutes
Tips for Writing Effective Character Goals By Jessica Brody (Save the Cat!): Writing character goals is one of the most important jobs of any novelist. But are your character's goals...mushy?
World Building
  • Physical environment: The screenplay primarily takes place in the small, idyllic village of Sandford, Gloucestershire, which contrasts starkly with the modern, bustling city environment of London. Sandford is depicted as a quaint and charming village with a traditional feel, featuring pubs, churches, farms, a local supermarket, a police station, and a theatre. The village is surrounded by beautiful countryside, with rolling hills, lush fields, and quaint cottages. However, beneath the picturesque facade, the village is also shrouded in mystery and danger, with a dark underbelly that is gradually revealed as the story progresses.
  • Culture: Sandford has a strong sense of community, with close-knit relationships between residents, a shared history, and traditions. The village is also marked by its unique cultural practices, such as the annual church fete, the amateur dramatics club, and the Neighbourhood Watch Alliance. These elements contribute to the village's sense of identity and cohesion, but they also serve as a facade for the sinister undercurrents that lie beneath the surface.
  • Society: The societal structure of Sandford is hierarchical, with a clear power structure that is dictated by the local police force and the influence of the village's wealthy residents. However, the village is also characterized by a sense of conformity and obedience, where everyone knows their place and there is a fear of defying the established order. The screenplay explores the dynamics of power, obedience, and rebellion within this small, seemingly idyllic community.
  • Technology: The technology in Sandford is limited, reflecting the village's traditional values. Although there are modern elements like mobile phones and computers, the village relies heavily on more traditional forms of communication, like landline phones, radios, and handwritten notes. This technological gap creates a sense of isolation and reinforces the feeling that Sandford is a place where time has stood still.
  • Characters influence: The unique world of Sandford shapes the characters' experiences and actions in numerous ways. The village's idyllic façade and the underlying darkness create a sense of unease and suspicion for Nicholas Angel, who is used to a more straightforward approach to law enforcement. The close-knit community, with its secrets and hidden agendas, presents Angel with a challenge unlike anything he has encountered before, forcing him to adapt his methods and strategies. The characters in Sandford, both the residents and the police officers, are influenced by the village's culture, traditions, and power dynamics, which ultimately contribute to their actions and motivations.
  • Narrative contribution: The world-building of Sandford serves as a central driving force for the narrative, creating a compelling setting for the clash between Angel's modern policing methods and the village's antiquated ways. The mystery surrounding the village's idyllic façade and the hidden secrets of its residents drive the plot forward, leading to a series of suspenseful events and revelations. The contrast between the village's outward appearance and its inner darkness creates a sense of intrigue and suspense, keeping the audience engaged throughout the story.
  • Thematic depth contribution: The world-building of Sandford contributes significantly to the screenplay's thematic depth. The village represents a microcosm of society, where the pursuit of a seemingly perfect and idyllic existence comes at a cost. The screenplay explores themes of conformity, obedience, rebellion, and the price of secrecy. The characters in Sandford are forced to confront their own values and beliefs, ultimately leading to a clash between the forces of order and chaos. The setting of Sandford allows the screenplay to delve into the complexities of human nature and the consequences of living in a world where appearances can be deceiving.
Story Engine Analysis

central conflict

The central conflict revolves around Police Constable Nicholas Angel's struggle to adapt to a rural policing environment while uncovering a series of mysterious deaths linked to a sinister local conspiracy.

primary motivations

  • Nicholas Angel's desire to uphold justice and maintain high standards in policing.
  • The villagers' motivation to protect their idyllic community at any cost, even through nefarious means.
  • Danny's wish to prove himself and navigate his relationship with his father, Frank.

catalysts

  • Angel's transfer to Sandford, which forces him to confront a different policing culture.
  • The series of suspicious deaths that prompt Angel to investigate further.
  • The revelation of a local conspiracy involving influential villagers.

barriers

  • Angel's colleagues' skepticism and reluctance to support his investigations.
  • The villagers' loyalty to their community, which complicates Angel's pursuit of justice.
  • Frank's authority and influence over the police force, which hinders Angel's efforts.

themes

  • The clash between urban and rural policing.
  • The nature of community and the lengths people will go to protect it.
  • The consequences of mediocrity versus exceptionalism in law enforcement.

stakes

The stakes include the safety of the village, the integrity of the police force, and Angel's career, as he risks everything to expose the truth behind the murders.

uniqueness factor

The story uniquely blends dark comedy with a murder mystery, using a rural setting to explore themes of community and conformity in policing.

audience hook

The main audience hook lies in the combination of humor, action, and the unfolding mystery, keeping viewers engaged as they anticipate Angel's next move.

paradoxical engine or bisociation

The paradoxical story engine is the juxtaposition of Angel's high-octane, city-trained policing style against the quaint, laid-back rural environment, creating tension and humor.

paradoxical engine or bisociation 2

Another bisociation could be the contrast between the idyllic village life and the dark undercurrents of crime, highlighting the duality of appearances versus reality.


Engine: Claude

Screenplay Rating:

Recommend

Executive Summary

The screenplay for 'Hot Fuzz' is a well-crafted, genre-blending story that balances comedic elements with an engaging mystery and action-packed sequences. The narrative follows the journey of a talented but overzealous London police officer, Nicholas Angel, who is transferred to the seemingly idyllic village of Sandford. As he uncovers a dark conspiracy within the town's tightly-knit community, the screenplay skillfully navigates between laugh-out-loud humor and intense, suspenseful moments. The strong character arcs, particularly the evolving relationship between Angel and his new partner Danny Butterman, provide emotional depth and drive the story forward. Overall, the screenplay showcases a unique blend of genre tropes, memorable characters, and a compelling central mystery that would appeal to a wide audience.

Strengths
  • The opening sequence effectively establishes the protagonist, Nicholas Angel, as a highly competent and dedicated police officer, setting the stage for his subsequent conflict with the more laidback policing style of Sandford. high ( Scene 1   )
  • The scene showcases Angel's determination to uncover the truth, despite the dismissive attitudes of his colleagues, and lays the groundwork for his deeper investigation into the suspicious deaths. high ( Scene 10 (INT. ANGEL'S OFFICE - DAY)   )
  • The sequence where Angel and Danny piece together the connections between the victims and the potential motive behind the crimes demonstrates the screenplay's effective use of detective work and logical reasoning to drive the mystery forward. high ( Scene 29 (INT/EXT. SQUAD CAR - DAY)   )
  • The intense confrontation between Angel and the hulking Lurch showcases the screenplay's ability to balance action sequences with character development, as Angel is forced to rely on his resourcefulness and determination to overcome a physical threat. medium ( Scene 34 (INT. SWAN HOTEL BEDROOM - DUSK)   )
  • The climactic showdown at the pub, where Angel and Danny stand their ground against the corrupt police force, is a thrilling and well-executed sequence that brings the central conflict to a satisfying resolution. high ( Scene 38 (INT/EXT. THE CROWN - MORNING)   )
Areas of Improvement
  • The scene featuring the exchange between Angel and Annette Roper could be tightened to maintain the pacing and avoid any potential lulls in the narrative. low ( Scene 12 (INT. NEWSAGENT - DAY)   )
  • While the over-the-top staging of the Romeo and Juliet production is comedic, the sequence could be shortened to avoid feeling drawn out or repetitive. medium ( Scene 16 (INT. AUDITORIUM - LATER)   )
  • The screenplay could benefit from more subtle foreshadowing or hints about the larger conspiracy earlier in the narrative, to gradually build the tension and suspense leading up to the climactic reveal. medium
MissingElements
  • The screenplay could potentially explore the impact of the events on the wider Sandford community beyond the central characters, providing a more comprehensive view of the story's consequences. low
  • While the relationship between Angel and Danny is a key strength, the screenplay could delve deeper into the backstories and motivations of some of the supporting characters, such as the Andes detectives, to further enhance the audience's understanding and investment in the ensemble. medium
NotablePoints
  • The creative and humorous action sequence involving the makeshift battering ram showcases the screenplay's ability to blend comedic elements with thrilling set pieces. medium ( Scene 20 (EXT. SUMMERAISLES - MORNING)   )
  • The intense chase sequence between Angel and the mysterious cloaked figure is a well-executed action set piece that heightens the sense of danger and suspense. high ( Scene 31 (INT/EXT. FLORIST/NURSERY - NIGHT)   )
  • The reveal of the Neighbourhood Watch Alliance's sinister motives and their orchestration of the murders is a well-crafted plot twist that subverts audience expectations and adds depth to the story. high ( Scene 35 (EXT/INT. CASTLE RUINS - NIGHT)   )
Blind Spots
  • Character Development While the central relationship between Angel and Danny is well-developed, the screenplay could potentially explore the backstories and motivations of some of the supporting characters, such as the Andes detectives, in greater depth. Providing more insight into their perspectives and experiences could further enhance the audience's investment in the ensemble. medium
Amateur Giveaways
  • Pacing The screenplay could benefit from tightening a few sequences, such as the exchange between Angel and Annette Roper in the newsagent and the extended staging of the Romeo and Juliet production, to maintain a consistently engaging pace throughout the narrative. medium

Engine: Gemini

Screenplay Rating:

Highly Recommend

Executive Summary

Hot Fuzz is a highly successful and entertaining screenplay that deftly blends action, comedy, and satire. It features a compelling protagonist, engaging supporting characters, and a well-paced plot that balances humor with suspense. The screenplay's strengths lie in its unique blend of genres, sharp dialogue, well-developed characters, and clever satire, making it a highly entertaining and memorable film.

Strengths
  • The screenplay masterfully blends action, comedy, and satire, creating a unique and engaging experience for the audience. This is evident in scenes like the initial transfer of Angel to Sandford, his first encounter with the village pub, the initial meeting with the other officers, and the development of his relationship with Danny, where each scene provides both humor and a sense of escalating tension. high ( Scene 2   Scene 6   Scene 7   Scene 9   Scene 14   )
  • The screenplay features sharp, witty dialogue that is both funny and insightful. This is evident in the initial conversations between Angel and his superiors, his interactions with Janine, and his evolving relationship with Danny. high ( Scene 2   Scene 3   Scene 4   Scene 12   Scene 17   )
  • The screenplay features well-developed characters with clear motivations and distinct personalities. Angel's transition from a by-the-book city cop to a more relaxed, yet ultimately determined, rural officer is particularly well-crafted. The supporting characters, such as Danny, Frank, and the Andes, are also engaging and memorable. high ( Scene 2   Scene 3   Scene 8   Scene 10   Scene 11   )
  • The screenplay effectively utilizes a variety of comedic techniques, including physical humor, wordplay, and satire, to create a highly entertaining and memorable viewing experience. This is evident in scenes like Angel's initial arrival in Sandford, his encounter with the shoplifter, and the climax at the village pub. medium ( Scene 5   Scene 13   Scene 15   Scene 20   Scene 28   )
  • The screenplay is well-paced, balancing humor, suspense, and action effectively. This is evident in the build-up to the reveal of the NWA's true nature, Angel's investigation, and the final showdown at the village pub. medium ( Scene 29   Scene 30   Scene 31   Scene 32   Scene 33   )
Areas of Improvement
  • While the screenplay features a strong sense of escalation and a satisfying climax, some sections in the final act, particularly those involving the NWA's confrontation and the reveal of Frank's motivations, feel a bit rushed and could be expanded upon. The script could benefit from providing more depth and nuance to these crucial elements. medium ( Scene 34   Scene 35   Scene 36   Scene 37   Scene 38   )
  • The ending feels a bit abrupt. While it's funny, it lacks a more substantial and satisfying resolution to the conflict, particularly with regard to the NWA's fate and Angel's decision to remain in Sandford. The script could benefit from a more detailed resolution, perhaps highlighting the broader impact of the NWA's actions and Angel's continued efforts to maintain order in the village. medium ( Scene 41   )
MissingElements
  • The screenplay could benefit from further exploration of Angel's character arc. While his initial transition to Sandford and his relationship with Danny are well-developed, the script could provide more insight into his motivations for staying in the village, his evolving relationship with his superiors, and the internal struggle he faces in dealing with the corruption he encounters. medium ( Scene 3   Scene 12   Scene 30   Scene 35   )
NotablePoints
  • The screenplay effectively utilizes character development to drive the plot forward. Angel's initial clashes with the Sandford police force and his growing friendship with Danny create a compelling dynamic and provide a catalyst for the escalating events in the story. high ( Scene 2   Scene 3   Scene 8   Scene 10   Scene 11   )
  • The screenplay is visually dynamic and features several memorable sequences. The reveal of Webley's arsenal, Angel's chase of the shoplifter, and the climactic showdown at the village pub are particularly well-executed and contribute to the overall enjoyment of the film. medium ( Scene 19   Scene 21   Scene 23   Scene 32   Scene 35   )
  • The screenplay effectively uses montage sequences to condense time and convey information succinctly. This is particularly effective in scenes like Angel's transfer to Sandford, his initial observations of the village, and the montage of his research on the NWA's activities. medium ( Scene 1   Scene 12   Scene 28   Scene 33   Scene 35   )
Blind Spots
  • Thematic Blind Spot The screenplay, while effective in its satire, could have further explored the thematic underpinnings of the story. For example, it could delve deeper into the societal critique of conformity, the pressures of small-town life, and the consequences of blind obedience. While these themes are present, they could be more fully developed to create a deeper and more resonant narrative. medium
Amateur Giveaways
  • Dialogue Clichés While the screenplay's dialogue is generally sharp and witty, there are a few instances where it leans into clichés. For example, the repeated use of phrases like 'Oh, we're not that well covered around George Merchant's' (Sequence 23) and 'People have accidents everyday' (Sequence 29) feels a bit too familiar and could be replaced with more original lines. low

Engine: GPT4

Screenplay Rating:

Highly Recommend

Executive Summary

The screenplay for 'Hot Fuzz' is a masterful blend of comedy, action, and satire, showcasing a unique take on the buddy cop genre. It effectively balances humor with a compelling narrative, featuring well-developed characters and a tightly woven plot that critiques rural life and the concept of community. The pacing is brisk, with clever dialogue and visual gags that keep the audience engaged throughout. The character arcs, particularly that of Nicholas Angel, are satisfying and resonate with themes of duty, morality, and belonging.

Strengths
Areas of Improvement
MissingElements
NotablePoints
  • The film's ability to blend humor with serious themes of community and morality is a notable strength, providing depth to the narrative. high ( Scene 30 (INT. STATION - EVENING)   )
Blind Spots
  • Character Motivation Some characters, particularly the supporting cast, lack clear motivations that drive their actions, which can lead to confusion about their roles in the plot. medium
Amateur Giveaways
  • Clichéd Humor Certain jokes and comedic setups feel clichéd or predictable, which could detract from the originality of the screenplay. medium
Memorable lines in the script:

Scene Number Line
1Male Voice: Police Constable Nicholas Angel.
31Angel: LESILE TILLER WAS MURDERED!
4Janine: You just can’t switch off Nicholas.
19Angel: By the power of Grey Skull!
33Danny: It’s just the one killer actually.