The shining

Executive Summary

Poster
Overview

Genres: Horror, Thriller, Drama, Psychological Thriller, Family, Mystery

Setting: Late 20th century, during winter, Overlook Hotel in Colorado, primarily in isolated snowy surroundings

Overview: The story follows Jack Torrance, an aspiring writer who takes a job as the winter caretaker of the isolated Overlook Hotel, bringing along his wife Wendy and their young son Danny. Initially seeking solitude and inspiration, Jack's mental state begins to deteriorate under the hotel's supernatural influences and the weight of isolation. As Jack becomes increasingly obsessed with the hotel's dark history, tensions rise within the family, leading to a terrifying confrontation. Danny, who possesses psychic abilities, becomes aware of the hotel's malevolent presence and struggles to protect himself and his mother from Jack's violent descent into madness. The narrative builds towards a chilling climax as the family dynamics unravel, culminating in a desperate fight for survival.

Themes: Isolation and Madness, Family Dynamics, Supernatural Influence, Control and Power Struggles, Childhood Innocence and Trauma

Conflict and Stakes: Jack's descent into madness and violence threatens the safety of his family, particularly Wendy and Danny, as they struggle to survive in the isolated hotel.

Overall Mood: Tense and foreboding, with moments of horror and psychological suspense.

Mood/Tone at Key Scenes:

  • Scene 1: The opening scene establishes a serene yet eerie atmosphere as the family arrives at the hotel, foreshadowing the impending horror.
  • Scene 25: The climax where Jack's violent breakdown creates an intense and chaotic mood, filled with fear and desperation.
  • Scene 40: The final confrontation in the maze, where the tension peaks as Wendy and Danny fight for survival against Jack.

Standout Features:

  • Unique Hook: The psychological unraveling of a father figure in a confined, supernatural setting.
  • Plot Twist: The revelation of the hotel's dark history and its influence on Jack's mental state.
  • Distinctive Setting: The Overlook Hotel, an isolated and haunted location that serves as a character in its own right.
  • Innovative Ideas: The use of psychic abilities as a central plot device, particularly through Danny's character.

Comparable Scripts:

  • The Shining (1980)
  • Misery (1990)
  • The Haunting of Hill House (2018)
  • The Others (2001)
  • The Sixth Sense (1999)
  • The Witch (2015)
  • Hereditary (2018)
  • The Babadook (2014)
  • The Shining (novel by Stephen King)

Writing Style:

The screenplay exhibits a strong emphasis on psychological tension, suspense, and character-driven narratives, often blending elements of horror and mystery. The writing style is marked by atmospheric settings, intricate character dynamics, and a focus on dialogue that reveals emotional depth and underlying tensions. The use of visual storytelling techniques enhances the overall impact, creating a sense of unease and anticipation throughout the scenes.

Style Similarities:

  • Stephen King
  • Alfred Hitchcock
  • Stanley Kubrick
  • David Lynch
Other Similarities
Pass/Consider/Recommend

Consider


Explanation: The screenplay for 'The Shining' demonstrates strong character development, a compelling supernatural mystery, and masterful use of visual storytelling. However, it also exhibits some pacing issues, particularly in the middle act, and could benefit from a more cohesive thematic exploration. While the writing style is generally strong, there are a few areas that could use improvement, such as the dialogue in certain scenes. Overall, the screenplay has the potential to be a captivating horror/thriller feature with some refinement.


USP: The screenplay's unique selling proposition lies in its deep psychological exploration of madness and isolation, combined with supernatural elements that create an unsettling atmosphere. Its compelling character arcs and the gradual unraveling of Jack Torrance's sanity set it apart from typical horror narratives, making it a timeless piece that resonates with audiences seeking both psychological depth and horror.
Market Analysis

Budget Estimate:$20-30 million

Target Audience Demographics: Adults aged 18-54, fans of horror, psychological thrillers, and supernatural dramas.

Marketability: The screenplay is based on a well-known novel and has a strong horror element, appealing to a broad audience and potential for franchise development.

The psychological depth of the characters and the exploration of themes like addiction and family conflict resonate with audiences seeking more than just scares.

The unique blend of horror and psychological thriller, along with iconic imagery and memorable characters, enhances its appeal.

Profit Potential: High, due to the established fan base of the source material, potential for box office success, and opportunities for merchandising and adaptations.

Analysis Criteria Percentiles
Writer's Voice

Summary:The writer's voice is characterized by a blend of concise and naturalistic dialogue, detailed scene descriptions, and a focus on character dynamics that create a palpable sense of tension and atmosphere. The dialogue often reflects the characters' inner thoughts and emotions, while the narrative builds suspense and intrigue, effectively immersing the audience in the psychological complexities of the story.

Best representation: Scene 7 - Welcome to the Overlook Hotel. This scene is the best representation because it encapsulates the writer's ability to blend naturalistic dialogue with underlying tension, effectively showcasing the family's dynamics while foreshadowing the darker elements of the narrative. The subtle hints of unease and the interplay of character interactions highlight the writer's skill in creating a suspenseful atmosphere.

Memorable Lines:

  • JACK: Here's Johnny! (Scene 53)
  • JACK: Wendy, I'm home. (Scene 44)
  • Danny: Red Rum. Red Rum. Red Rum. (Scene 38)
  • JACK: I love you, Danny. I love you more than anything else in the whole world, and I'd never do anything to hurt you, never... You know that, don't you, huh? (Scene 25)
  • LLOYD: Your money's no good here. (Scene 35)
Characters

Jack Torrance:A struggling writer and recovering alcoholic who becomes increasingly unstable as the story progresses.

Wendy Torrance:Jack's supportive wife who becomes increasingly fearful for her and her son's safety as Jack's behavior deteriorates.

Danny Torrance:Jack and Wendy's young son, who possesses psychic abilities and becomes aware of the hotel's dark history.

Dick Halloran:The Overlook Hotel's cook who shares a psychic connection with Danny and becomes concerned for the family's safety.

Story Shape
Summary **Title: The Overlook Hotel** **Summary:** Set against the haunting backdrop of the Colorado mountains, "The Overlook Hotel" follows Jack Torrance, his wife Wendy, and their son Danny as they move into the isolated Overlook Hotel for the winter, where Jack has accepted a position as the winter caretaker. Initially excited about their new adventure, the family's dynamics take a dark turn as the hotel's supernatural forces awaken and Jack’s mental state deteriorates. The screenplay opens with Jack’s formal introduction to the hotel's management, Mr. Ullman, who, while cordial, hints at the psychological risks of winter isolation. As the family settles in, Jack is plagued by writer's block, while Danny's imaginary friend, Tony, warns him about the dangers lurking within the hotel. A budding tension between Jack and Wendy is introduced, portrayed through their differing views on parenting and their concerns for Danny's well-being. As winter progresses, the eerie isolation of the hotel begins to manifest itself through increasingly disturbing visions and supernatural occurrences, particularly affecting Danny. He encounters ghostly apparitions, including the Grady twins and unsettling visions of violence, which heighten the atmosphere of dread. Meanwhile, Jack’s conversations with an eerie bartender named Lloyd unveil his struggles with alcoholism and domestic strife, gradually eroding his stability. A pivotal moment occurs when Jack, influenced by the nefarious forces within the hotel, becomes increasingly hostile and paranoid. Wendy’s protective instincts for Danny lead to conflict, culminating in a fierce confrontation where she fears for their safety. An escalating series of violent encounters between Jack and Wendy reveal his complete descent into madness as he becomes consumed by the hotel’s dark history and his own inner demons. The climax intensifies with Jack's attack on Wendy and Danny, culminating in a desperate chase through the hotel’s snowy maze. While Jack wields an axe, Wendy and Danny fight for their lives, showcasing the ultimate parental struggle for protection against rising malevolence. The screenplay emphasizes themes of isolation, madness, and the fragility of familial bonds, as survival becomes paramount. Ultimately, Wendy and Danny manage to escape in a Snowcat, leaving Jack behind, who succumbs to his own madness and the elements. The stark contrast of a once family-friendly environment turned into a nightmarish landscape of horror underscores the emotional depth of their ordeal. The haunting final image of Jack’s lifeless body in the snow and flashbacks of the hotel’s blood-soaked past suggest an inescapable cycle of violence and tragedy. "The Overlook Hotel" is a psychological horror story that examines themes of madness, the impact of isolation, and the fragility of family relationships, concluding with an unsettling sense of lingering dread.


Screenplay Story Analysis

Story Critique The screenplay effectively establishes a haunting atmosphere and builds tension through its exploration of isolation and psychological horror. The characters, particularly Jack, Wendy, and Danny, are well-developed, showcasing their individual struggles and dynamics within the family. Jack's descent into madness is compelling, and the supernatural elements add depth to the narrative. The use of Danny's psychic abilities and his relationship with Tony provides an intriguing layer to the story, enhancing the emotional stakes. However, the pacing can feel uneven at times, with certain scenes dragging on while others rush through critical developments. Additionally, while the characters are well-defined, some motivations could be clearer, particularly Jack's transformation from a loving father to a violent antagonist. The supernatural elements, while engaging, sometimes overshadow the character-driven aspects of the story, leading to a less impactful emotional resolution. Overall, the screenplay has a strong foundation but could benefit from refining character arcs and pacing to enhance the overall impact.
Suggestions: To improve the plot and story, consider tightening the pacing by eliminating redundant scenes and focusing on key character moments that drive the narrative forward. Enhancing Jack's motivations for his descent into madness could create a more relatable antagonist, allowing the audience to understand his internal struggles better. Additionally, integrating more moments of connection between Wendy and Danny could heighten the emotional stakes and provide a stronger contrast to Jack's transformation. Exploring the hotel's history in a more nuanced way could also deepen the supernatural elements without overshadowing the character-driven narrative.

Note: This is the overall critique. For scene by scene critique click here
Beginning The beginning of the screenplay effectively sets the stage for the story, introducing the characters and their dynamics while establishing the eerie atmosphere of the Overlook Hotel. The picturesque Colorado landscape juxtaposed with the hotel's dark history creates a compelling backdrop for the unfolding drama. Jack's initial enthusiasm for the caretaker position and his interactions with Wendy and Danny establish a sense of normalcy that contrasts sharply with the impending horror. The introduction of Danny's psychic abilities and his relationship with Tony adds depth to his character, hinting at the supernatural elements to come. However, the pacing in the early scenes can feel slow, with some dialogue-heavy moments that may detract from the tension. Additionally, while the characters are introduced well, their backstories could be more fleshed out to provide a clearer understanding of their motivations and relationships. Overall, the beginning successfully establishes the setting and characters but could benefit from a more dynamic pacing and deeper character exploration.
Suggestions: To improve the beginning of the screenplay, consider incorporating more visual storytelling elements to convey character emotions and relationships, reducing reliance on dialogue. Flashbacks or brief glimpses into the characters' pasts could provide context for their motivations and enhance audience engagement. Additionally, tightening the pacing by eliminating redundant dialogue or scenes could create a more immediate sense of tension and urgency. Introducing hints of the supernatural earlier in the narrative could also foreshadow the impending horror and maintain audience interest.
Middle The middle section of the screenplay effectively escalates the tension and deepens the psychological horror as Jack's mental state deteriorates. The interactions between Jack, Wendy, and Danny become increasingly fraught, showcasing the strain on their family dynamics. The use of Danny's psychic abilities becomes more pronounced, adding layers to the narrative as he navigates the dangers posed by both his father and the hotel. The introduction of supernatural elements, such as the haunting visions and the ominous presence of Room 237, heightens the sense of dread. However, the pacing can feel uneven, with some scenes dragging on while others rush through critical developments. Additionally, while Jack's descent into madness is compelling, the motivations behind his transformation could be clearer, allowing the audience to empathize with his struggles. The middle section successfully builds tension but could benefit from a more consistent pacing and clearer character motivations.
Suggestions: To improve the middle of the screenplay, consider refining the pacing by balancing slower, character-driven moments with more intense, suspenseful scenes. Enhancing Jack's internal conflict and motivations could create a more relatable antagonist, allowing the audience to understand his descent into madness better. Additionally, incorporating more moments of connection between Wendy and Danny could heighten the emotional stakes and provide a stronger contrast to Jack's transformation. Expanding on the supernatural elements without overshadowing the character-driven narrative could also deepen the overall impact of the story.
Ending The ending of the screenplay delivers a tense and climactic confrontation between Jack and his family, effectively showcasing the culmination of the psychological horror that has been building throughout the narrative. Wendy's transformation into a fierce protector and Danny's resourcefulness highlight their growth and resilience in the face of danger. The final chase through the maze is visually striking and thematically resonant, symbolizing Jack's entrapment in his madness. However, the resolution could feel abrupt, with some character arcs lacking closure. While Jack's fate is sealed, the emotional aftermath for Wendy and Danny could be explored further to provide a more satisfying conclusion. Additionally, the supernatural elements, while impactful, may overshadow the character-driven aspects of the story, leaving some emotional threads unresolved. Overall, the ending effectively delivers tension and horror but could benefit from deeper exploration of the characters' emotional journeys.
Suggestions: To improve the ending of the screenplay, consider expanding on the emotional aftermath of the climax, providing closure for Wendy and Danny's arcs. This could involve moments of reflection or dialogue that highlight their resilience and the impact of their experiences. Additionally, ensuring that the supernatural elements serve to enhance the character-driven narrative rather than overshadow it could create a more cohesive resolution. Exploring the themes of family, trauma, and survival in the aftermath of the horror could deepen the emotional resonance and provide a more satisfying conclusion.

See the full analysis by clicking the title.

1 - Arrival at the Overlook Hotel Formal, Professional, Polite 8.5 8 97 9 787787978 89989
2 - A New Adventure Awaits Anxious, Concerned, Curious 7.5 8 78 8 687677868 89888
3 - A Cautionary Welcome Suspenseful, Foreboding, Informative 8.5 9 98 8 787888989 99999
4 - A Job and a Nightmare Suspenseful, Anxious, Mysterious 8.5 8 89 8 787777888 89888
5 - Imaginary Friend Suspense, Mystery, Drama 8.5 9 88 9 787766778 99888
6 - Seeking Reassurance Concerned, Informative, Reflective 8.5 8 88 9 787676878 99888
7 - Journey to the Overlook Tense, Foreboding, Informative 8.2 8 88 8 887878878 98899
8 - Welcome to the Overlook Hotel Informative, Nostalgic, Formal 8.5 8 88 8 787777877 99888
9 - A New Beginning Suspenseful, Foreboding, Intimate 8.5 8 87 9 787777868 98888
10 - Exploring the Overlook: A Tour of the Hedge Maze Suspenseful, Informative, Historical 8.5 8 87 8 687777878 79888
11 - Welcome to the Gold Ballroom Informative, Friendly, Formal 8.5 8 88 9 687.5686877 98.5888
12 - A Warm Welcome Tense, Suspenseful, Foreboding 8.5 8 98 8 787.5787878 98.5888
13 - A Taste of Humor Suspense, Mystery, Dark 8.5 9 87 8 687676867 89888
14 - A Tour of Abundance Informative, Detailed, Mundane 7.5 7 87 7 387364764 87888
15 - A Sweet Escape Suspenseful, Foreboding, Informative 8.5 8 87 9 787666868 99888
16 - The Warning of Room 237 Suspenseful, Mysterious, Dark 9.2 10 98 9 887879989 99888
17 - Morning Reflections at the Overlook Warm, Reflective, Nostalgic 8.5 8 88 9 687.5283679 99888
18 - Playful Pursuits and Solitary Reflections Tense, Playful, Reflective 7.5 8 78 8 687564677 79888
19 - A Beautiful Maze and Ominous News Curiosity, Playfulness, Appreciation 8.5 8 87 9 665665768 87888
20 - Tensions in the Overlook Tension, Isolation, Paranoia 8.5 8 88 9 887988889 89899
21 - Winter Whimsy and Worries Tense, Playful, Intimate 8.5 8 88 9 787.5786778 89888
22 - Storm Communication Tense, Concerned, Informative 7.5 8 78 7 687677767 88899
23 - A Haunting Invitation Suspense, Fear, Mystery 9.2 9 99 8 787888789 89888
24 - A Quiet Request Playful, Warm, Concerned 8.5 8 89 9 787675778 79888
25 - A Father's Reassurance Affectionate, Reflective, Tender 9.2 9 98 10 8976567610 99888
26 - A Child's Search Suspense, Fear, Tension 8.5 8 89 8 787778878 79888
27 - Nightmare's Grip Tense, Disturbing, Anxious 8.5 8 99 9 887878979 89888
28 - Tensions Rise at the Overlook Tension, Fear, Suspense 8.5 8 99 9 887989979 89888
29 - A Descent into Chaos Tense, Suspenseful, Dramatic 8.5 8 99 8 887888989 99888
30 - Weather Extremes Tense, Suspenseful, Anxious 8.5 8 99 8 787768878 79888
31 - The Illusion of Beauty Tension, Suspense, Fear, Mystery 8.5 9 89 9 787878889 89888
32 - Unsettling Encounters Disturbing, Tense, Mysterious 8.5 9 89 8 787778889 89888
33 - Descent into Fear Tense, Emotional, Mysterious 8.5 8 99 8 887979989 99888
34 - Fractured Tensions Tense, Emotional, Disturbing 8.5 8 99 9 887989989 89888
35 - Stormy Concerns and Social Intrigues Tense, Mysterious, Suspenseful 8.5 8 89 9 787867878 99888
36 - Confrontation in the Men's Room Tense, Disturbing, Mysterious 8.5 9 89 9 887.5888999 998.588
37 - Authority in the Shadows Disturbing, Tense, Sinister 8.5 9 89 9 787878989 99888
38 - Descent into Distress Disturbing, Anxious, Mysterious 8.5 8 88 9 887777879 89888
39 - Desperate Signals Tense, Suspenseful, Mysterious 8.2 8 89 8 787877878 89888
40 - Urgent Concerns Tense, Anxious, Suspenseful 8.5 8 98 8 887.5979978 87.5888
41 - Blocked Paths Tense, Suspenseful, Emotional 8.5 8 97 9 886979979 89988
42 - Urgent Call in a Snowstorm Tense, Suspenseful, Desperate 8.5 8 98 8 887979979 88999
43 - Confrontation in the Lounge Tension, Suspense, Fear 8.5 8 99 8 887888989 89888
44 - Tension in the Overlook Tense, Menacing, Emotional 9.2 9 99 9 9879899810 99888
45 - Desperate Escape Tense, Desperate, Violent 8.5 8 88 9 887988888 89999
46 - Desperate Choices Tense, Desperate, Emotional 8.5 8 89 9 887989889 89888
47 - Descent into Despair Tense, Menacing, Desperate 8.5 8 98 8 887979989 89887
48 - A Tense Confrontation Tense, Sinister, Ominous 8.5 8 99 8 987979988 99888
49 - Whispers of Red Rum Tense, Ominous, Disturbing 9.2 9 99 9 887878889 89888
50 - Whispers of Dread Tense, Eerie, Disturbing 9.2 9 99 9 987979989 99888
51 - Breaking Point Tense, Ominous, Suspenseful 9.2 9 99 9 887989989 89988
52 - Desperate Escape Tense, Menacing, Desperate, Frightening 9.2 9 99 9 98710810989 99888
53 - The Bathroom Standoff Terror, Tension, Menace, Desperation 9.2 9 98 9 898999999 910999
54 - Descent into Chaos Tense, Ominous, Suspenseful 9.2 9 99 9 887989989 99888
55 - The Descent into Madness Tense, Ominous, Violent 9.2 9 98 9 987108109810 99999
56 - Pursuit in the Overlook Tense, Ominous, Suspenseful 8.5 8 99 8 887979989 89888
57 - Chase Through the Snow Tense, Suspenseful, Terrifying 8.5 8 98 8 887.5989989 89988
58 - Chase Through the Shadows Tense, Terrifying, Suspenseful 8.5 8 99 8 787989979 89988
59 - The Snowy Pursuit Tense, Eerie, Suspenseful 8.5 8 98 8 887989979 89978
60 - Desperate Escape Tense, Eerie, Desperate, Terrifying, Suspenseful 9.2 9 98 9 887979979 99888


Scene 1 - Arrival at the Overlook Hotel
EXT. COLORADO MOUNTAIN (U.S.A.) - DAY - L.S.

Lake and Mountains. CAMERA TRACKS FORWARD past island in
lake.

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. ROAD - DAY - L.S.

High Angle V.W. Car moving along road - CAMERA TILTS UP with
it.

CUT TO:

EXT. COLORADO MOUNTAINS & ROAD - DAY - L.S.

Mountains and Road - V.W. Car moves away along road - CAMERA
TRACKS after it.

CUT TO:

L.S. V.W. Car moving away along road - CAMERA TRACKS after
it and passes car - TRACKING FORWARD to Mountains in b.g.

CUT TO:

M.L.S. High Angle V.W. Car moves away along road - CAMERA
TILTS UP with it. Car goes into tunnel and comes out other
side. CAMERA TRACKS after car.

CUT TO:

L.S. V.W. Car moves along road. CAMERA TRACKS after it.
Mountains in b.g.

CUT TO:

L.S. High Angle V.W. Car moving away along road. Mountain
in b.g. CAMERA TRACKS after car.

CUT TO:

L.S. Mountain - CAMERA TRACKS IN on Hotel.

CUT TO:

Black Frames.

THE INTERVIEW.

CUT TO:


INT. OVERLOOK HOTEL/LOBBY - DAY - M.L.S.

Jack walks L-R across Lobby. CAMERA TRACKS BACK & PANS with
him to RECEPTIONIST behind desk.

JACK
Hi, I've got an appointment with Mr.
Ullman. My name is Jack Torrance.

RECEPTIONIST
His office is the first door on the
left.

JACK
Thank you.

JACK moves away R-L. CAMERA PANS with him and TRACKS IN
after him through Secretary's office to open door of ULLMAN's
office - revealing ULLMAN seated at desk with SECRETARY
standing beside him.

JACK
Mr. Ullman?

ULLMAN
Yes?

JACK
I'm Jack Torrance.

ULLMAN
Oh, well - come on in Jack.

ULLMAN stands up and hands book to SECRETARY, walking round
side of desk. JACK moves into office. CAMERA TRACKS IN
after him. He shakes hands with ULLMAN.

ULLMAN
Very nice to meet you.

JACK
Nice to meet you, Mr. Ullman.

ULLMAN points to SECRETARY.

ULLMAN
This is my secretary, Susie.

SECRETARY
Hallo.

JACK
Susie, how do you do?


ULLMAN
Have any trouble finding us?

JACK
Oh, no problem at all. I made the
trip in three and a half hours.

ULLMAN
Well, that's very good time, very
good. Please sit down a minute.

ULLMAN points to chair cam.R. JACK sits cam.R.f.g. ULLMAN
walks behind desk.

ULLMAN
JAck, just make yourself at home.
Would you like some coffee?

JACK
Well, if you are going to have
some, I wouldn't mind. Thanks.

ULLMAN
Susie.

SECRETARY
Sure.

ULLMAN
Oh, and would you ask Bill Watson
to join us?

SECRETARY
Yes, I will.

ULLMAN sits behind desk. SUSIE walks forward to R.f.g.

DISSOLVE TO:
Genres: ["Drama","Mystery","Thriller"]

Summary The scene begins with a sweeping view of the Colorado mountains and a Volkswagen car driving towards the Overlook Hotel. Inside the hotel lobby, Jack Torrance introduces himself to the receptionist and meets Mr. Ullman in his office. They engage in polite conversation about Jack's journey, with Ullman offering coffee and summoning his secretary, Susie, to assist. The tone is formal and anticipatory, setting the stage for Jack's upcoming meeting.
Strengths
  • Strong character introductions
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Mysterious atmosphere
Weaknesses
  • Low conflict level
  • Moderate emotional impact

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively establishes the setting, introduces key characters, and sets up the initial conflict. The dialogue is engaging and the pacing keeps the audience intrigued.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene is strong, focusing on the introduction of the main character and the initial setup of the story. It effectively draws the audience into the world of the Overlook Hotel and sets the stage for the unfolding events.

Plot: 8.5

The plot of the scene is engaging, setting up the conflict between Jack Torrance and Mr. Ullman as well as hinting at the larger mysteries to come. It moves the story forward and keeps the audience invested.

Originality: 7

The scene introduces a familiar setting but adds a sense of mystery and tension through the use of detailed descriptions and character interactions. The dialogue feels authentic and helps to establish the protagonist's motivations and goals.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters are well-developed in this scene, particularly Jack Torrance and Mr. Ullman. Their interactions reveal key aspects of their personalities and motivations, setting the stage for future developments.

Character Changes: 7

While there are subtle hints at character changes, particularly in Jack Torrance's demeanor and behavior, the scene primarily focuses on establishing the characters and their initial dynamics.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to make a good impression on Mr. Ullman and secure a job opportunity. This reflects his desire for stability and success in his career.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to successfully navigate the interview process and potentially secure a job at the hotel. This goal reflects the immediate challenge he is facing in finding employment.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict in the scene is relatively low-key, focusing more on the tension between the characters and the mysterious atmosphere of the setting. It sets up potential conflicts to come.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create tension and uncertainty, as the protagonist faces potential challenges and obstacles in his quest to secure a job.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes in the scene are relatively low at this point, focusing more on the character dynamics and the mysterious setting. However, it hints at higher stakes to come.

Story Forward: 9

The scene effectively moves the story forward by introducing key characters, setting up the initial conflict, and hinting at larger mysteries to come. It lays the groundwork for future developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it introduces potential obstacles and challenges for the protagonist, keeping the audience guessing about the outcome of the interview.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

There is a subtle philosophical conflict between the protagonist's desire for a fresh start and the potential challenges he may face in a new environment. This conflict challenges his beliefs about his own capabilities and the opportunities available to him.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7.5

The scene has a moderate emotional impact, primarily through the tense interactions between the characters and the eerie atmosphere of the Overlook Hotel. It sets the stage for future emotional developments.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue in the scene is engaging and serves to reveal important information about the characters and their relationships. It is well-written and keeps the audience interested in the unfolding conversation.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it effectively establishes the protagonist's goals and motivations, creating a sense of anticipation and tension as he navigates the interview process.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and maintaining a sense of momentum as the protagonist navigates the interview process.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings and descriptions that help to visualize the action. The dialogue is formatted correctly and contributes to the overall flow of the scene.

Structure: 9

The scene follows a clear and logical structure, moving seamlessly between different locations and character interactions. The pacing is effective in building tension and maintaining the audience's interest.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes the setting and introduces Jack Torrance, but it relies heavily on visual transitions without much character development or emotional depth. The wide shots of the Colorado landscape are visually appealing but do not contribute to the narrative or character motivations.
  • The dialogue between Jack and Ullman is polite but lacks tension or stakes. Given the context of the story, there should be an underlying sense of unease or foreboding that is not present in this exchange. The conversation feels too casual for a meeting that will lead to significant events.
  • The introduction of the receptionist and secretary feels somewhat unnecessary. Their roles could be streamlined to maintain focus on Jack and Ullman, enhancing the pacing of the scene. The dialogue could be more concise to avoid dragging the scene.
  • The use of camera movements is technically proficient, but it may come off as overly stylized without serving the emotional core of the scene. The transitions could be more purposeful, perhaps reflecting Jack's mental state or foreshadowing the isolation he will face.
  • The scene lacks a clear emotional arc or conflict. While it sets up the premise, it does not engage the audience on a deeper level. There should be hints of Jack's internal struggles or foreshadowing of the challenges he will face at the hotel.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding internal monologue or subtext to Jack's dialogue to reveal his motivations and emotional state. This could create a stronger connection with the audience.
  • Introduce a sense of foreboding or tension in the dialogue. Ullman's warnings about the hotel's isolation could be more pronounced, hinting at the psychological horror to come.
  • Streamline the introduction of secondary characters like the receptionist and secretary. Their roles could be minimized or combined to keep the focus on the main characters and the unfolding narrative.
  • Use the camera movements to reflect Jack's emotional journey. For example, as he enters the hotel, the camera could slowly tighten on him to create a sense of claustrophobia or impending doom.
  • Incorporate visual or auditory elements that hint at the hotel's dark history or Jack's future struggles. This could be done through subtle background sounds or visual cues that suggest something is off about the hotel.



Scene 2 - A New Adventure Awaits
EXT. APARTMENT BUILDING/BOULDER - DAY - L.S.

Apartment Building - cars parked in front of it. Mountain
in b.g. CAMERA TRACKS IN on Apartment Building.

CUT TO:

INT. JACK & WENDY'S APARTMENT IN BOULDER (USA) / LIVING
ROOM - DAY - M.L.S.

DANNY is sitting at table eating a sandwich. WENDY sitting
cam.R reading book.

DANNY
Mom...


WENDY
Yeah.

DANNY
Do you really want to go and live
in that hotel for the winter?

WENDY
Sure, Danny, it will be lots of fun.

DANNY
Yeah, I guess so. Anyway, there's
hardly anybody to play with around
here.

WENDY
Yeah, I know. It always takes a
little time to make new friends.

CUT TO:

M.S. DANNY eating sandwich.

DANNY
Yeah, I guess so.

CUT TO:

M.S. WENDY

WENDY
What about Tony? He's looking
forward to the hotel, I bet.

CUT TO:

M.S. DANNY while eating sandwich wiggles forefinger of his
L.hand and speaks with different voice.

TONY
NO, I ain't Mrs. Torrance.

CUT TO:

M.S. WENDY

WENDY
Oh come on, Tony. Don't be silly.

CUT TO:

M.S. DANNY wiggles forefinger of L.hand and speaks with
different voice.


TONY
I don't want to go there, Mrs.
Torrance.

CUT TO:

M.S. WENDY

WENDY
Well, how come you don't want to go?

CUT TO:

M.S. DANNY wiggles forefinger of L.hand and speaks with
different voice.

TONY
I just don't.

CUT TO:

M.S. WENDY.

WENDY
Well, let's just wait and see.
We're all gonna have a real good
time.

DISSOLVE TO:
Genres: ["Drama","Horror"]

Summary In a light-hearted scene set in their Boulder apartment, Danny expresses his apprehension about moving to a hotel for the winter, questioning his mother Wendy's enthusiasm for the change. While eating a sandwich, he engages in playful dialogue with his imaginary friend Tony, who shares his reluctance about the move. Wendy reassures Danny, encouraging him to embrace the adventure and make new friends, ending the scene on an optimistic note as she assures him they will have a good time.
Strengths
  • Natural dialogue
  • Establishing character dynamics
  • Foreshadowing potential conflicts
Weaknesses
  • Lack of external action
  • Limited visual interest

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 7.5

The scene effectively sets up the family dynamics and foreshadows potential conflicts to come. The dialogue feels natural and reveals underlying tensions within the family.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of using a child's imaginary friend to express fears and doubts adds depth to the scene and foreshadows potential supernatural elements in the story.

Plot: 7

The plot is advanced through the discussion between Danny and Wendy, setting up conflicts and tensions that will likely unfold at the hotel. It establishes key motivations and concerns for the characters.

Originality: 8

The scene offers a fresh take on the theme of change and adaptation, with authentic character interactions and dialogue that feel true to life.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters of Danny and Wendy are well-developed through their dialogue and interactions, revealing their personalities and concerns. The use of Tony as a unique element adds complexity to their relationship.

Character Changes: 6

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, it lays the foundation for potential growth and development as the story progresses.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to adjust to the idea of moving to a hotel for the winter and making new friends. This reflects his desire for companionship and his fear of loneliness.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to come to terms with the idea of moving to a hotel for the winter and finding ways to entertain himself.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

While there is underlying tension and conflict in the scene, it is more subtle and internalized, setting the stage for future conflicts to escalate.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create conflict and tension, but not overwhelming to the point of overshadowing the characters' development.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are relatively low in this scene, focusing more on internal conflicts and concerns within the family. However, it hints at higher stakes to come.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by establishing key relationships, themes, and conflicts that will drive the narrative. It sets the stage for future developments.

Unpredictability: 6

This scene is unpredictable because of the subtle shifts in the characters' emotions and motivations, keeping the audience guessing about their true intentions.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between the protagonist's desire for companionship and his fear of change. It challenges his beliefs about making new friends and adapting to new environments.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7.5

The scene evokes a sense of unease and concern, particularly through Danny's interactions with his imaginary friend Tony. It sets a tone of foreboding and uncertainty.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue is natural and engaging, effectively conveying the emotions and thoughts of the characters. It sets the tone for future interactions and conflicts.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the naturalistic dialogue and relatable character dynamics that draw the audience into the characters' world.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by allowing the characters' emotions and motivations to unfold naturally, creating a sense of tension and anticipation.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with proper scene headings and character dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions that drive the narrative forward.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes the familial dynamics between Wendy and Danny, showcasing their relationship and Danny's concerns about the move. However, the dialogue feels somewhat flat and lacks emotional depth. The exchanges between Danny and Wendy could benefit from more subtext, revealing their fears and hopes more vividly.
  • The use of Danny's imaginary friend, Tony, is a strong narrative device that hints at the supernatural elements to come. However, the dialogue attributed to Tony lacks distinctiveness. It would be more engaging if Tony's voice had a unique tone or mannerism that sets him apart from Danny, emphasizing the psychological tension.
  • The scene transitions between close-ups of Danny and Wendy, which is visually effective but could be enhanced by incorporating more varied shot compositions. For instance, wider shots could establish the setting more fully and provide context for their conversation, such as the apartment's atmosphere and its implications for their upcoming move.
  • The pacing of the scene feels a bit slow, particularly in the dialogue exchanges. While it's important to establish character relationships, the scene could be tightened by cutting repetitive lines or streamlining the conversation to maintain engagement.
  • The emotional stakes of the scene could be heightened. While Danny expresses concern, the scene lacks a sense of urgency or tension that would make the audience feel the weight of their situation. Adding a moment of silence or a visual cue that reflects Danny's anxiety could enhance the emotional impact.
Suggestions
  • Revise the dialogue to include more subtext and emotional resonance. Consider what each character truly feels about the move and how that might influence their words.
  • Differentiate Tony's voice more clearly from Danny's. Perhaps give Tony a distinct catchphrase or a unique way of speaking that reflects his role as Danny's imaginary friend.
  • Incorporate wider shots to establish the setting and the emotional atmosphere of the apartment. This could help ground the characters in their environment and provide visual context for their conversation.
  • Tighten the pacing by removing any repetitive lines or unnecessary dialogue. Focus on the most impactful exchanges that reveal character and advance the narrative.
  • Introduce a moment of silence or a visual cue that reflects Danny's anxiety about the move. This could be a close-up of his worried expression or a lingering shot of the empty apartment, enhancing the emotional stakes of the scene.



Scene 3 - A Cautionary Welcome
INT. OVERLOOK HOTEL/ULLMAN'S OFFICE - DAY - M.L.S.

JACK over ULLMAN seated at desk. BILL WATSON enter office.
JACK rises and shakes hands with him.

ULLMAN
Bill, I'd like you to meet Jack
Torrance.

WATSON
How do you do?

JACK
Bill, how do you do?

WATSON
Pleased to meet you.

JACK
Pleasure to meet you.

ULLMAN
Grab a chair Bill, and join in.


WATSON & JACK sit down.

ULLMAN
Jack is going to take care of the
Overlook for this winter. I would
like you to take him around the
place as soon as we are through.

WATSON
Fine.

ULLMAN
Jack is a schoolteacher.

CUT TO:

M.C.S. JACK.

JACK
Eh - formerly a school-teacher.

WATSON (OFF)
What line of work are you in now?

JACK
I'm a writer um... Teaching has
been more or less a way of making
ends meet.

CUT TO:

M.C.S. WATSON.

WATSON
Well this ought to be quite a
change for you.

CUT TO:

M.C.S. JACK

JACK
Well, I'm looking for a change.

ULLMAN (OFF)
Our people in Denver recommended
Jack very highly, and, for once, I
agree with them.

CUT TO:

M.S. ULLMAN


ULLMAN
Let's see, where were we? Yes. I
was about to explain that eh... our
season here runs from oh May 15th
to October 30th and then we close
down completely until the following
May.

CUT TO:

M.C.S. JACK

JACK
Do you mind if I ask why you do
that? It seems to me that the
skiing up here would be fantastic.

ULLMAN (OFF)
Oh, it sure would be

CUT TO:

M.S. ULLMAN

ULLMAN (CONT'D)
but the problem is the enormous
cost it would be to keep the road
to the Sidewinder open. It's a...
It's a 25 mile stretch of road -
gets an average of 20 feet of snow
during the winter, and there's just
no way to make it economically
feasible to keep it clear. When
the place was built in 1907, there
was very little interest in winter
sports, and this site was chosen
for its seclusion and scenic beauty.

CUT TO:

M.L.S. ULLMAN over WATSON & JACK.

JACK
Well, it's certainly got plenty of
that.

JACK laughs.

ULLMAN
That's right. And did they give
you any idea in Denver about what
the job entails?


JACK
Only in a very general way.

ULLMAN
Well...

CUT TO:

M.S. ULLMAN

ULLMAN (CONT'D)
...the winters can be fantastically
cruel, and the basic idea is
to...to cope with the very costly
damage and depreciation which can
occur. And this consists mainly of
running the boiler, heating
different parts of the hotel on a
daily rotating basis, repairing
damage as it occurs and doing
repairs, so that the elements can't
get a foothold.

CUT TO:

M.C.S. JACK

JACK
Well, that sounds fine to me.

ULLMAN grunts off.

CUT TO:

M.S. ULLMAN

ULLMAN
Physically, it's not a very
demanding job. The only thing that
can get a bit trying up here during
the winter is eh... the tremendous
sense of isolation.

CUT TO:

M.C.S. JACK

JACK
Well, that just happens to be
exactly what I'm looking for. I'm
eh... I'm outlining a new writing
project, and eh...
(MORE)


JACK (CONT'D)
five months of peace is just what I
want.

CUT TO:

M.S. ULLMAN

ULLMAN
That's very good Jack, because eh...
for some people eh solitude and
isolation...

CUT TO:

M.C.S. JACK.

ULLMAN (OFF) (CONT'D)
can of itself be a problem.

JACK
Not for me.

CUT TO:

M.S. ULLMAN.

ULLMAN
How about your wife and son? How
do you think they'll take to it?

CUT TO:

M.C.S. JACK.

JACK
They'll love it.

ULLMAN (OFF)
Great...

CUT TO:

M.S. ULLMAN

ULLMAN
Well, before I turn you over to
Bill, there is one other thing I
think we should talk about. I
don't want to sound melodramatic,
but it is something that's...
(MORE)


ULLMAN (CONT'D)
been known to give a few people
second thoughts about the job.

CUT TO:

M.C.S. JACK

JACK
I'm intrigued.

CUT TO:

M.S. ULLMAN.

ULLMAN
I don't suppose they eh told you
anything in Denver about the
tragedy we had up here during the
winter of 1970?

CUT TO:

M.C.S. JACK shakes his head.

JACK
I don't believe they did.

CUT TO:

M.S. BILL WATSON.

ULLMAN (OFF)
Well, my predecessor in this job

CUT TO:

M.S. ULLMAN.

ULLMAN (CONT'D)
hired a man named Charles Grady, as
the winter caretaker. He came up
here with his wife and two little
girls of about eight or ten. And
he had a good employment record,
good references and from what I've
been told, I mean, he seemed like a
completely normal individual. But
at some point during the winter, he
must have suffered some kind of a
complete mental breakdown.
(MORE)


ULLMAN (CONT'D)
He ran amok and eh... killed his
family with an axe,

CUT TO:

M.C.S. JACK

ULLMAN (OFF) (CONT'D)
stacked them neatly in one of the
rooms in the West Wing, and then he
um... then he put eh both barrels
of his shotgun in his mouth.

CUT TO:

M.S. ULLMAN sitting behind desk.

ULLMAN (CONT'D)
The police eh... they thought that
it was what the old-timers used to
call cabin-fever, a kind of
claustrophobic reaction which can
occur when people are

CUT TO:

M.C.S. JACK

ULLMAN (OFF) (CONT'D)
shut in together over long periods
of time.

JACK
Well, that is eh quite a story.

CUT TO:

M.S. ULLMAN laughs.

ULLMAN
Yes, it is. Oh, it's still hard
for me to believe that it actually
happened here, but it did and eh...
I think you can appreciate why I
wanted to tell you about it.

CUT TO:

M.C.S. JACK.


JACK
Ah, I certainly can, and eh... I
also understand why your people in
Denver left it for you to tell me.

JACK laughs.

CUT TO:

U.S. ULLMAN laughing.

ULLMAN
Well, obviously some people can be

CUT TO:

M.C.S. JACK.

ULLMAN (OFF) (CONT'D)
put off by the idea of staying
alone in a place where something
like that actually happened.

JACK
Well, you can rest assured Mr.
Ullman, that's not going to happen
with me, and eg as far as my wife
is concerned, I am sure she'll be
absolutely fascinated when I tell
her about it. She's a confirmed
ghost story and horror film addict.

DISSOLVE TO:
Genres: ["Horror","Thriller","Drama"]

Summary In Ullman's office at the Overlook Hotel, Jack Torrance meets Bill Watson as he is introduced as the new winter caretaker. They discuss Jack's background and the hotel's operations during winter, with Ullman cautioning Jack about the psychological effects of isolation, referencing a past tragedy involving a former caretaker. Jack, eager for solitude, dismisses Ullman's concerns with humor, assuring him that he and his family will manage well. The scene blends professional formality with underlying tension, ending on a light-hearted note despite the ominous subject matter.
Strengths
  • Effective foreshadowing
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Building tension
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development
  • Lack of action

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively establishes the eerie atmosphere of the hotel and foreshadows the potential dangers that Jack and his family may face. The dialogue is engaging and reveals crucial information about the hotel's past, adding depth to the narrative.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of a haunted hotel with a dark past is compelling and sets the stage for a gripping psychological thriller. The introduction of the caretaker's tragic story adds depth to the narrative and raises the stakes for the characters.

Plot: 8.5

The plot is advanced significantly in this scene as the audience learns about the history of the Overlook Hotel and the potential dangers that Jack and his family may face. The revelation of the caretaker's tragic fate foreshadows the challenges to come.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the familiar trope of a haunted hotel, blending elements of horror and psychological thriller.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters of Jack Torrance and Mr. Ullman are well-defined in this scene, with Jack showing a mix of curiosity and confidence, while Mr. Ullman exudes authority and a sense of foreboding. Their interactions reveal key aspects of their personalities.

Character Changes: 7

While there is no significant character change in this scene, Jack's introduction to the dark history of the hotel foreshadows a potential transformation in his character as he navigates the challenges ahead.

Internal Goal: 8

Jack's internal goal is to find peace and solitude for his writing project, as he mentions that five months of isolation is exactly what he wants.

External Goal: 7

Jack's external goal is to successfully take care of the Overlook Hotel during the winter season, coping with the damage and depreciation that can occur.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, as Jack grapples with the dark history of the hotel and the potential risks involved in taking on the caretaker role. The tension is palpable as the audience anticipates the challenges that lie ahead.

Opposition: 8

The strong opposition presented in the scene, in the form of the tragic events of the past winter caretaker, creates a sense of foreboding and danger for the protagonist.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in this scene as the audience learns about the tragic fate of the previous caretaker and the potential dangers that Jack and his family may encounter at the Overlook Hotel. The sense of isolation and foreboding heightens the tension.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by introducing key information about the hotel's past and the challenges that Jack and his family will face. It sets up important plot points and raises the stakes for the characters.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected revelation of the tragic events involving the previous winter caretaker, adding a layer of mystery and suspense.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict revolves around the idea of solitude and isolation, with Mr. Ullman warning Jack about the potential dangers of staying alone in a place with a dark history.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene evokes a sense of unease and foreboding, creating an emotional impact on the audience. The revelation of the caretaker's tragic fate elicits a mix of curiosity and dread, setting the stage for the psychological horror to come.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue in this scene is crucial in setting the tone and building tension. The conversation between Jack and Mr. Ullman is engaging and informative, adding depth to the characters and the story. The exchange is well-crafted and keeps the audience captivated.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the suspenseful atmosphere, intriguing dialogue, and the hint of danger lurking beneath the surface.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and eager to learn more about the unfolding events.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions.

Structure: 9

The scene follows a clear and engaging structure, with well-paced dialogue and character interactions that build tension.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes the characters of Jack, Ullman, and Watson, but it lacks a strong emotional hook. While the dialogue is functional, it doesn't convey much depth or tension, which could enhance the viewer's engagement. The stakes feel low, and the audience may not feel invested in Jack's journey yet.
  • The dialogue is somewhat expository, particularly Ullman's lengthy explanation about the hotel's operations and the past tragedy. While this information is crucial for the plot, it could be delivered in a more dynamic way that feels less like a lecture and more like a conversation. Consider breaking up the exposition with more character-driven interactions or reactions.
  • The humor in Jack's comments about his wife being a horror story addict feels out of place given the dark subject matter being discussed. This could undermine the tension that Ullman is trying to build regarding the previous caretaker's tragedy. A more serious tone might be more appropriate here to maintain the scene's gravity.
  • The transitions between close-ups and medium shots are somewhat abrupt and could be smoother. This can disrupt the flow of the scene and make it feel disjointed. Consider using more fluid transitions that maintain the audience's focus on the characters' reactions and emotions.
  • The scene ends with a laugh, which feels incongruous after discussing a horrific event. This could leave the audience feeling confused about the tone. A more suspenseful or foreboding ending might better set the stage for the events to come.
Suggestions
  • Introduce a sense of urgency or tension in the dialogue. For example, have Jack express more curiosity or concern about the isolation and the previous tragedy, which could lead to a more engaging conversation.
  • Incorporate more character-driven moments, such as Jack's reactions to Ullman's story or Watson's demeanor, to add depth to their personalities and relationships. This can help the audience connect with the characters on a more emotional level.
  • Consider using subtext in the dialogue to convey underlying tensions or fears. For instance, Jack could make jokes that hint at his own insecurities or fears about the job, which would add layers to his character.
  • Revise the pacing of the exposition. Instead of having Ullman deliver a long monologue, break it up with questions or interjections from Jack and Watson that keep the conversation flowing naturally.
  • End the scene on a more suspenseful note, perhaps with a lingering shot of Jack's face as he contemplates Ullman's story, leaving the audience with a sense of foreboding about what lies ahead.



Scene 4 - A Job and a Nightmare
INT. BOULDER APARTMENT/BATHROOM - DAY - M.S.

Shooting through open door - DANNY standing on stool at basin.

DANNY
Tony, do you think Daddy will get
the job?

TONY (OFF)
Yeah, he did. He's gonna phone
Wendy up in a few minutes to tell
her.

CUT TO:

INT. BOULDER KITCHEN/LIVING ROOM - DAY - M.S.

WENDY back to camera washing dishes at sink. PHONE RINGS
OFF. She dries her hand and puts carton in fridge. Then
moves L-R into Living Room - CAMERA PANS with her.


She picks up telephone receiver.

WENDY
(into phone)
Hello.

CUT TO:

INT. HOTEL - LOBBY - DAY - M.L.S.

JACK leaning on counter at reception desk, speaking into
phone.

JACK
(into phone)
Hi, babe.

WENDY
(over phone)
Hi, hon. How's it going?

JACK
(into phone)
Great. Look, I'm at the hotel and
I still have an awful lot to go
through. I don't think I can get
home before nine or ten.

CUT TO:

INT. BOULDER APARTMENT/LIVING ROOM - DAY - M.S.

WENDY sitting on back of chair phone to ear.

WENDY
(into phone)
Sounds like you got the job?

CUT TO:

INT. HOTEL - LOBBY - DAY - M.L.S.

JACK leaning on reception desk with phone to ear.

JACK
(into phone)
Right it's a beautiful place. You
and Danny are gonna love it.

INT. BOULDER APARTMENT/BATHROOM - DAY - M.S.

DANNY standing on stool by basin. He is reflected in mirror.
CAMERA TRACKS IN on his reflection in mirror.


DANNY
Tony, why don't you want to go to
the hotel?

DANNY wiggles forefinger.

TONY (OFF)
I don't know.

DANNY
You do too know, now come on tell me.

DANNY wiggles forefinger.

TONY (OFF)
I don't want to.

DANNY
Please...

DANNY wiggles forefinger.

TONY (OFF)
No.

DANNY
Now Tony, tell me.

CUT TO:

INT. HOTEL - LOBBY - M.L.S.

Shooting towards doors of lifts. Blood gushes in from
L.side of lift and in from corridors L. and R. of lift
doors - surging towards camera.

CUT TO:

INT. HOTEL/CORRIDOR - M.S.

Two Little GRADY girls holding hands.

CUT TO:

INT. HOTEL/LOBBY - M.L.S.

Blood gushing in from corridors L-R of lift doors and
surging towards camera.

CUT TO:


INT. BOULDER APARTMENT - M.C.S.

DANNY screaming.

CUT TO:

INT. HOTEL/LOBBY - M.L.S.

Blood gushing in from corridors L-R of lift doors and
surging forward. The blood gushes up into camera lens
causing black out.

DOCTOR (OFF)
Now hold your eyes still so that I
can see.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Horror","Drama"]

Summary In a seemingly ordinary day, Danny stands on a stool in the bathroom, anxiously asking Tony about their father Jack's job prospects. Tony, off-screen, expresses reluctance to visit the hotel where Jack is working. Meanwhile, Wendy speaks with Jack over the phone, who reassures her about his job but hints at being late. The scene takes a dark turn as blood begins to pour into the hotel lobby, leading to Danny's terrified scream and a sudden shift to a doctor instructing someone to hold their eyes still, suggesting a medical crisis.
Strengths
  • Effective use of suspense and tension
  • Mysterious and eerie atmosphere
  • Memorable and shocking moments
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development
  • Subtle conflict resolution

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively combines elements of horror, drama, and suspense to create a tense and mysterious atmosphere. The use of phone conversations and eerie interactions heightens the tension and keeps the audience engaged.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of blending mundane activities like phone calls with supernatural elements like Danny's interaction with Tony and the appearance of blood in the hotel lobby creates a compelling and intriguing contrast.

Plot: 8

The plot advances through the phone conversations between Jack and Wendy, revealing information about Jack's new job and setting up potential conflicts. The sudden appearance of blood adds a new layer of mystery and danger to the story.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a sense of impending danger through the visual imagery of blood gushing in, adding a fresh and suspenseful element to the familiar domestic setting. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and contribute to the scene's authenticity.


Character Development

Characters: 7.5

The characters of Jack, Wendy, and Danny are developed through their interactions and dialogue, showing their relationships and concerns. Danny's connection with his imaginary friend adds depth to his character.

Character Changes: 7

While there are subtle hints at character changes, such as Danny's growing unease and Jack's excitement about the new job, the scene focuses more on building tension and mystery.

Internal Goal: 8

Danny's internal goal in this scene is to understand why Tony does not want to go to the hotel. This reflects Danny's desire for clarity and communication in his relationships.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to discuss job opportunities and potential relocation with his family members. This reflects the immediate circumstances of potential changes in their living situation.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, with Danny's reluctance to go to the hotel and the ominous appearance of blood hinting at external dangers. The tension is subtle but effective.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with hints of conflict and mystery that create uncertainty and intrigue.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are raised with the appearance of blood in the hotel lobby, hinting at supernatural or dangerous forces at play. The scene sets up potential conflicts and dangers for the characters.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing new elements, such as Jack's job at the hotel and Danny's reluctance to go there. The appearance of blood adds a new layer of mystery and danger to the narrative.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the sudden shift in tone from a family conversation to a mysterious and ominous event.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

There is a philosophical conflict between Danny's curiosity and Tony's reluctance to share his feelings. This challenges Danny's belief in open communication and understanding.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes fear, curiosity, and tension in the audience, drawing them into the mysterious and suspenseful atmosphere. The emotional impact is heightened by the eerie interactions and sudden appearance of blood.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is natural and engaging, revealing character dynamics and advancing the plot. The conversations between Jack and Wendy convey their relationship and Jack's excitement about his new job.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its suspenseful atmosphere, intriguing dialogue, and visual imagery that keeps the audience on edge.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and eager to see what happens next.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene adheres to the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings and descriptions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear and coherent structure, transitioning smoothly between different locations and characters.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes a sense of foreboding through the juxtaposition of Danny's innocent conversation with Tony and the impending horror represented by the blood gushing into the hotel lobby. This contrast heightens the tension and creates a chilling atmosphere.
  • Danny's dialogue with Tony is engaging and captures the essence of a child's imagination. However, the dialogue could benefit from more emotional depth to convey Danny's apprehension about the move to the hotel. Adding a line that reflects his fear or confusion could enhance the audience's connection to his character.
  • The transitions between the different locations (Danny's bathroom, Wendy in the kitchen, and Jack in the hotel lobby) are well-executed, but the pacing feels slightly rushed. The cuts could be more deliberate to allow the audience to absorb the significance of each location and the characters' emotions.
  • The use of the mirror to reflect Danny's image is a strong visual choice, symbolizing his internal conflict and connection to Tony. However, the scene could benefit from a more explicit visual cue that indicates the supernatural nature of Tony, perhaps through a subtle change in lighting or sound design during their conversation.
  • The sudden shift to the blood gushing into the hotel lobby is shocking and effective, but it may feel disjointed to some viewers. A smoother transition or a brief moment of Danny's reaction to the blood could help bridge the gap between the two contrasting elements of the scene.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a line or two of dialogue from Danny that expresses his fear or reluctance about the hotel move, which would deepen his character and make the audience more invested in his emotional state.
  • Slow down the pacing of the scene by allowing for longer shots or pauses between cuts, giving the audience time to absorb the significance of each character's situation and the impending horror.
  • Enhance the visual symbolism of the mirror by incorporating subtle lighting changes or sound effects that suggest Tony's supernatural influence, making it clearer that he is not just an imaginary friend.
  • Introduce a brief moment of Danny's reaction to the blood before cutting to the next scene, which would create a more cohesive transition and heighten the tension as the horror unfolds.
  • Consider using a sound cue or musical score that builds tension during Danny's conversation with Tony, foreshadowing the horror that is about to be revealed in the hotel lobby.



Scene 5 - Imaginary Friend
INT. BOULDER APARTMENT/DANNY'S BEDROOM - DAY - M.S.

DOCTOR bending over DANNY lying on top of his bed. She is
examining his eyes. WENDY standing at foot of bed.

DOCTOR
That's good, now the other one.
Good boy.

DOCTOR straightens up. She puts instrument away in case and
closes it. Then she sits on bed beside DANNY.

DOCTOR
Now Danny, when you were brushing
your teeth, do you remember if you
smelled anything funny, or saw any
bright flashing lights, or anything
at all strange?

CUT TO:

M.C.S. DANNY.

DANNY
No.

DOCTOR (OFF)
Do you remember when you were
brushing your teeth?

DANNY
Yes.

CUT TO:


M.S. DOCTOR sitting on bed beside DANNY. WENDY standing at
foot of bed.

DOCTOR
What's the next thing you remember
after you were brushing your teeth?

CUT TO:

M.C.S. DANNY.

DANNY
Mommy saying, 'Wake up, wake up,
wake up Danny, wake up.'

CUT TO:

M.S. DOCTOR sitting on bed beside DANNY. WENDY standing at
foot of bed.

DOCTOR
Now Danny, can you remember what
you were doing just before you
started brushing your teeth?

CUT TO:

M.C.S. DANNY

DANNY
Talking to Tony.

CUT TO:

M.C.S. DOCTOR

DOCTOR
Is Tony one of your animals?

CUT TO:

M.C.S. DANNY

DANNY
No. It's the little boy that lives
in my mouth.

CUT TO:

M.C.S. WENDY

WENDY
Tony is his imaginary friend.


DOCTOR (OFF)
Oh,

CUT TO:

M.C.S. DOCTOR

DOCTOR (CONT'D)
if you were to open your mouth now,
could I see Tony?

CUT TO:

M.C.S. DANNY

DANNY
No.

CUT TO:

M.C.S. DOCTOR

DOCTOR
Why not?

CUT TO:

M.C.S. DANNY

DANNY
Because he hides.

CUT TO:

M.C.S. DOCTOR

DOCTOR
Where does he go?

CUT TO:

M.C.S. DANNY

DANNY
To my stomach.

CUT TO:

M.C.S. DOCTOR

DOCTOR
Does Tony ever tell you to do things?

M.C.S. DANNY


DANNY
I don't want to talk about Tony
anymore.

CUT TO:

M.S. DOCTOR sitting on bed beside DANNY. She pats his leg
and stands up. WENDY at foot of bed.

DOCTOR
Okay. That's fine. All right Danny.

DOCTOR puts case and stethoscope in her shoulder bag.

DOCTOR
Now I'm going to ask you to do me a
favor, and stay quietly in bed for
the rest of the day. Okay?

DANNY
Do I have to?

DOCTOR
Yes, I'd like you to.

WENDY
We're just going to go into one of
the other rooms for a few minutes
and talk - then I'll come back and
check on you, okay?

DANNY
Okay.

DOCTOR
Goodbye.

WENDY & DOCTOR move R-L to open door. DOCTOR goes into the
corridor.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Horror","Psychological Thriller"]

Summary In a gentle and caring scene, a doctor examines young Danny in his bedroom while his mother, Wendy, stands by. The doctor asks Danny about his recent experiences, including his imaginary friend Tony, who he claims hides in his stomach. Despite the doctor's efforts, Danny is reluctant to discuss Tony further. The examination concludes with the doctor advising Danny to stay in bed for the day, and Wendy reassures him that she will return after speaking with the doctor.
Strengths
  • Building tension
  • Exploring psychological depth
  • Engaging dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Limited external conflict
  • Potential for confusion in the nature of Tony

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively builds tension and intrigue through the exploration of Danny's relationship with Tony, setting up a psychological undercurrent that adds depth to the narrative.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of exploring Danny's imaginary friend as a window into his psyche adds layers to the narrative, setting up intriguing psychological elements that will likely play a significant role in the story.

Plot: 8

The plot progresses by revealing more about Danny's inner world and the potential psychological challenges he faces, adding depth to the overall story and setting up future developments.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces the concept of an imaginary friend in a subtle and intriguing way, adding depth to the character of Danny. The dialogue feels authentic and reveals underlying psychological themes.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The scene effectively develops Danny's character through his interactions with Tony and the doctor, hinting at deeper emotional and psychological layers that will likely be explored further in the story.

Character Changes: 7

Danny's character undergoes subtle changes as he navigates his interactions with Tony and the doctor, hinting at deeper emotional and psychological shifts that may unfold as the story progresses.

Internal Goal: 8

Danny's internal goal in this scene is to avoid discussing Tony, his imaginary friend, with the doctor. This reflects his fear or discomfort with the topic and potentially reveals deeper psychological issues.

External Goal: 7

Danny's external goal in this scene is to comply with the doctor's instructions to stay quietly in bed for the rest of the day. This reflects the immediate circumstances of his health and well-being.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict in the scene is more internal and psychological, focusing on Danny's struggles with his imaginary friend and potential underlying issues, adding a layer of tension and mystery to the narrative.

Opposition: 6

The opposition in this scene is subtle but present, as Danny's reluctance to discuss Tony with the doctor creates a sense of conflict and tension. The audience is left unsure of how this conflict will be resolved.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes are more internal and psychological in nature, focusing on Danny's well-being and potential challenges he may face due to his relationship with Tony, adding a layer of tension and mystery to the scene.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by delving into Danny's psychological struggles and setting up important character dynamics that will likely impact future events in the narrative.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it introduces unexpected elements, such as the concept of an imaginary friend, and leaves the audience questioning the true nature of the characters' interactions.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the tension between reality and imagination, as represented by Danny's interaction with Tony. This challenges Danny's beliefs and perception of the world.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a sense of unease and concern for Danny's well-being, drawing the audience into the emotional and psychological challenges he faces, setting up a strong emotional connection with the character.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is engaging and serves to reveal important information about Danny's relationship with Tony, creating a sense of unease and mystery that adds to the scene's overall impact.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it creates a sense of mystery and tension through the interactions between characters. The dialogue is intriguing and keeps the audience interested in the unfolding story.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining a steady rhythm and gradually building tension through the dialogue exchanges. It keeps the audience engaged and interested in the unfolding story.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings and character actions. The dialogue is formatted correctly and contributes to the overall flow of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure of dialogue exchanges between characters, leading to a gradual reveal of information. It maintains a consistent pace and rhythm.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes a sense of unease through the dialogue between the doctor, Danny, and Wendy. The contrast between the mundane setting of a doctor's examination and the underlying tension regarding Danny's mental state is well executed.
  • Danny's interactions with the doctor and his imaginary friend Tony provide insight into his character and hint at deeper psychological issues. However, the dialogue could be more dynamic; it feels somewhat flat and could benefit from more emotional depth or tension.
  • The doctor's questions are straightforward, but they lack a sense of urgency or concern that might be expected given the context of Danny's previous experiences. This could make the scene feel more impactful and heighten the stakes.
  • Wendy's role in the scene is supportive, but her character could be more fleshed out. Adding a line or two that reflects her own anxiety or fear about Danny's condition could enhance the emotional weight of the scene.
  • The scene transitions between close-ups and medium shots effectively, but the cuts could be more purposeful. For instance, cutting to Danny's face when he mentions Tony could emphasize his fear or confusion, making the audience more invested in his emotional state.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more tension to the doctor's dialogue, perhaps by having her express concern or confusion about Danny's condition, which would create a more dramatic atmosphere.
  • Incorporate more emotional responses from Wendy, such as her visible anxiety or frustration, to deepen her character and make the audience empathize with her situation.
  • Enhance Danny's dialogue to reflect more of his inner turmoil regarding Tony. This could involve him expressing fear or confusion about Tony's influence, which would add layers to his character.
  • Use sound design or visual cues to create a more unsettling atmosphere during the examination, such as a subtle background score that builds tension as Danny discusses Tony.
  • Consider ending the scene with a more impactful line or moment that leaves the audience with a sense of foreboding, perhaps by having Danny say something cryptic about Tony that hints at future events.



Scene 6 - Seeking Reassurance
INT. CORRIDOR/LIVING ROOM - DAY - M.S.

DOCTOR standing in corridor. WENDY moves out of DANNY's
room and closes the door. She turns to DOCTOR.

WENDY
Shall we go into the living room?

DOCTOR
Yes.


DOCTOR & WENDY walk forward along the corridor - CAMERA
TRACKS BACK before them and PANS R-L with them to Living
Room. WENDY points to sofa.

WENDY
Please...

DOCTOR
Thank you.

DOCTOR moves to sofa and sits down - WENDY sits in chair
cam.R.

DOCTOR
Mrs. Torrance, I don't think you
have anything to worry about. I'm
quite sure there is nothing
physically wrong with Danny.

CUT TO:

M.C.S. WENDY.

WENDY
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, he seems
absolutely fine now, but you should
have seen him.

CUT TO:

M.S. DOCTOR over WENDY. DOCTOR leans back on sofa.

DOCTOR
Oh I know. Kids can scare you to
death, but believe me these episodes
are not at all uncommon, and they
look much worse than they are.

CUT TO:

M.S. WENDY over DOCTOR.

WENDY
But eh what was the matter with him?

DOCTOR
Mrs. Torrance, most of the time
these episodes with kids are never
explained. They are brought on by
emotional factors, and they rarely
occur again.

CUT TO:


M.S. DOCTOR.

DOCTOR
They're more akin to auto-hypnosis,
a kind of self induced trance. If
it re-occurs which I doubt

CUT TO:

M.S. WENDY takes cigarette out of packet.

DOCTOR (OFF) (CONT'D)
you can always think about having
some tests done.

WENDY holds cigarette packet out towards DOCTOR.

DOCTOR (OFF)
No thank you.

She puts packet down on table.

WENDY
Oh, I'm...I'm sure you're right.

She lights cigarette from lighter.

CUT TO:

M.S. DOCTOR.

DOCTOR
Have you been in Boulder long, Mrs.
Torrance?

CUT TO:

M.C.S. WENDY.

WENDY
Only about three months. Eh we're
from Vermont. My husband was
teaching school there.

CUT TO:

M.S. DOCTOR

DOCTOR
Did the appearance of Danny's
imaginary friend...?

CUT TO:


M.S. WENDY over DOCTOR.

WENDY
Tony.

DOCTOR
Did Tony's first appearance happen
to coincide with your arrival here?

CUT TO:

M.C.S. WENDY

WENDY
No, um let's see I guess Danny
started talkin to Tony about the
time we put him into nursery school.

CUT TO:

M.S. DOCTOR over WENDY.

DOCTOR
Did he adjust well to school?

CUT TO:

M.C.S. WENDY - she shakes her head.

WENDY
No. He didn't like it too much at
first, and then he had an injury,
so we kept him out for a while,
and, yeah, I...I guess that's about
the time when I first noticed that
he was talking to Tony.

CUT TO:

M.S. DOCTOR over WENDY.

DOCTOR
What sort of injury did he have?

CUT TO:

M.C.S. WENDY

WENDY
Ah he dislocated his shoulder.

WENDY inhales.


DOCTOR (OFF)
How did he manage to do that?

WENDY
Well it's just one of those things.
You know... purely an accident, um.
My husband had oh... been drinking,
and he came home about three hours
late, so he wasn't exactly in the
greatest mood that night. And well
Danny had scattered some of his
school papers all over the room...
and my husband grabbed his arm, you
know, and pulled him away from them.
It's...it's just the sort of thing
you do a hundred times with a
child - you know, in a park or on
the streets - but on this particular
occasion my husband just... used
too much strength and he injured
Danny's arm.

CUT TO:

M.S. DOCTOR

WENDY (OFF) (CONT'D)
Anyway, something good did come out
of it all because he said:

CUT TO:

M.C.S. WENDY

WENDY (CONT'D)
"Wendy, I'm never gonna touch
another drop and if I do you can
leave me", and he didn't and he
hasn't had any alcohol in eh five
months.

CUT TO:

BLACK FRAMES.

Superimposed Title over:

CLOSING DAY.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama","Psychological Thriller"]

Summary Wendy meets with the Doctor to discuss her concerns about her son Danny's health and behavior. She shares her worries about Danny's imaginary friend, Tony, and an incident involving her husband, who has since stopped drinking. The Doctor reassures her that Danny's episodes are common in children and often linked to emotional factors, alleviating some of her anxiety. The scene captures Wendy's struggle with her family's dynamics and her hopes for a better future.
Strengths
  • Rich character development
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Exploration of psychological themes
Weaknesses
  • Limited external conflict
  • Lack of action

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively delves into the psychological aspects of the characters, particularly Danny, and sets up a sense of unease and mystery surrounding his experiences. The dialogue is engaging and reveals important backstory elements.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring psychological trauma and its impact on behavior is well-developed in this scene, adding depth to the characters and setting the stage for future developments.

Plot: 8

The plot progresses by revealing key information about the characters' past experiences and current struggles, setting the stage for potential conflicts and resolutions.

Originality: 8

The scene offers a fresh approach to the theme of parental responsibility and the impact of past actions on the present. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and relatable, adding to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are richly developed, with complex motivations and relationships that drive the scene forward. Danny's interactions with his imaginary friend and Wendy's concern for her son add depth to their personalities.

Character Changes: 7

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, it sets the stage for potential growth and development as the story progresses.

Internal Goal: 8

Wendy's internal goal is to understand and address the issues surrounding her son Danny's behavior and well-being. This reflects her deeper need to protect and care for her child.

External Goal: 7

Wendy's external goal is to seek reassurance and guidance from the Doctor regarding Danny's condition. This reflects the immediate challenge she is facing in dealing with her son's behavior.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

While there is an underlying sense of tension and unease in the scene, the conflict is more internal and psychological, focusing on the characters' past traumas and current struggles.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, as Wendy faces challenges in understanding and addressing Danny's behavior, adding to the tension and uncertainty.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes are relatively low in this scene, focusing more on the characters' emotional and psychological struggles rather than immediate physical danger.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by revealing important backstory elements and setting up potential conflicts and resolutions for the characters.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected revelations about Danny's injury and the impact on Wendy and her husband.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the idea of parental responsibility and the impact of past actions on the present. It challenges Wendy's beliefs about her role as a mother and the consequences of her husband's behavior.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a sense of concern and reflection, particularly in relation to Danny's psychological state and the impact of past trauma on the characters.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is engaging and reveals important information about the characters' past experiences and current concerns. It effectively conveys the emotional weight of the situation.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the emotional depth and tension between the characters, as well as the mystery surrounding Danny's behavior.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and revealing key information at a steady pace, keeping the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and easy to follow, with proper scene headings and character actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear character interactions and dialogue that drive the narrative forward.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes a sense of concern and tension regarding Danny's well-being, but it could benefit from deeper emotional resonance. Wendy's dialogue feels somewhat flat and could be enhanced with more emotional depth to convey her anxiety and fear about Danny's condition.
  • The dialogue between Wendy and the Doctor is informative but lacks subtext. While the Doctor reassures Wendy, the conversation could include more nuanced exchanges that hint at the underlying issues in Wendy and Jack's relationship, as well as the potential for danger surrounding Danny's imaginary friend, Tony.
  • The pacing of the scene feels a bit rushed, particularly in the transitions between cuts. Slowing down the dialogue and allowing for pauses could create a more tense atmosphere, emphasizing Wendy's anxiety and the gravity of the situation.
  • The visual storytelling could be improved. While the scene includes various cuts, it lacks strong visual metaphors or imagery that could enhance the emotional weight of the conversation. For example, showing Wendy's physical reactions or the environment around them could add layers to the scene.
  • The Doctor's character comes off as somewhat one-dimensional. Adding subtle hints of skepticism or concern in his demeanor could create a more complex character and add tension to the scene. This would also help to balance the reassurance he provides with an underlying sense of foreboding.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more emotional depth to Wendy's dialogue. Allow her to express her fears and concerns more vividly, perhaps by recalling specific moments that have troubled her about Danny's behavior.
  • Incorporate subtext into the dialogue. For example, Wendy could hint at her struggles with Jack's past behavior without explicitly stating it, creating a more layered conversation.
  • Slow down the pacing by allowing for pauses in the dialogue. This can help build tension and give the audience time to absorb the weight of Wendy's concerns.
  • Enhance the visual storytelling by including more descriptive actions or reactions from Wendy. For instance, show her fidgeting with her hands or glancing nervously around the room as she speaks.
  • Develop the Doctor's character further by giving him a more nuanced perspective. Perhaps he could express concern about the family dynamics subtly, suggesting that there may be more to Danny's episodes than just childhood imagination.



Scene 7 - Journey to the Overlook
EXT. COLORADO MOUNTAINS - DAY - L.S.

High Angle Trees on side of Mountain - CAMERA TRACKS FORWARD
over them to Jack's car moving away along road.

CUT TO:

INT. JACK'S CAR - DAY - M.S.

WENDY sitting beside JACK as he drives along Mountain Road.
DANNY, between them, is leaning on backs of their seats.
WENDY yawns.

WENDY
Boy, we must be really high up.
The air feels so different.

JACK
Uh...huh.

DANNY
Dad?

JACK
Yes?

DANNY
I'm hungry.

JACK
Well you should have eaten your
breakfast.

WENDY
We'll get something as soon as we
get to the hotel, okay?

DANNY
Okay, Mom.

WENDY
Hey, wasn't it around here that the
Donner party got snowbound?

JACK
I think that was farther west in
the Sierras.

DANNY
What was the Donner party?


JACK
There were a party of settlers in
the covered wagon times. They got
snowbound one winter in the
mountains. They had to resort to
cannabilism in order to stay alive.

DANNY
You mean they ate each other up?

JACK
They had to, in order to survive.

WENDY
Jack...

DANNY
Don't worry, Mom. I know all about
cannabilism, I saw it on T.V.

JACK
See, it's okay. He saw it all on
the television.

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. COLORADO MOUNTAINS - DAY - L.S.

High Angle JACK's car moving away along road on side of
mountain - CAMERA TRACKS after it.

CUT TO:

EXT. OVERLOOK HOTEL - DAY - L.S.

Cars parked in front of Hotel.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama","Horror"]

Summary In this scene, Jack, Wendy, and their son Danny are driving through the Colorado mountains on their way to the Overlook Hotel. As they travel, Wendy comments on the altitude while Danny expresses his hunger. Jack reminds Danny about breakfast, and the conversation shifts to the historical Donner party, with Jack explaining their grim fate of cannibalism during a harsh winter. Danny, showing a mix of innocence and knowledge, mentions he knows about cannibalism from television. The scene concludes with a high-angle shot of their car moving away, transitioning to the exterior of the Overlook Hotel, hinting at the family's impending arrival.
Strengths
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Atmospheric setting
  • Foreshadowing of darker events
Weaknesses
  • Lack of immediate action or external conflict

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.2

The scene effectively establishes the tone and atmosphere of the story, providing crucial information about the characters and their dynamics while hinting at the ominous events that will unfold. The dialogue is engaging and sets up intrigue for the audience.


Story Content

Concept: 8.3

The concept of the scene is strong, introducing key themes of isolation, family dynamics, and the supernatural elements that will play a significant role in the narrative. The conversation about cannibalism adds a layer of darkness and foreshadowing to the story.

Plot: 8

The plot is advanced through the interactions between the characters and the information revealed about their past experiences. The scene sets up important conflicts and establishes the central premise of the story.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh take on the theme of survival and family dynamics in a remote setting. The dialogue feels authentic and the historical reference adds a layer of complexity to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 8.2

The characters are well-developed through their dialogue and interactions, showcasing their relationships and individual personalities. The scene lays the groundwork for character arcs and conflicts that will unfold later in the story.

Character Changes: 8

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the interactions between the characters hint at internal struggles and fears that will likely lead to character development later in the story.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to maintain a sense of normalcy and protect his family from the unsettling history of the Donner party. This reflects his desire to shield his son from the harsh realities of the world.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to safely reach the hotel and provide for his family's basic needs, such as food and shelter. This goal reflects the immediate circumstances of their journey and the challenges they face in a remote location.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7.5

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, focusing on the characters' fears and uncertainties about their new surroundings. The tension is subtle but present, hinting at larger conflicts to come.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is subtle but effective, hinting at underlying tensions and conflicts within the family dynamic.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are subtly high in the scene, as the characters grapple with uncertainties about their new surroundings and the ominous foreshadowing of darker events. The conversation about cannibalism adds a sense of danger and foreboding to the story.

Story Forward: 8

The scene effectively moves the story forward by introducing key information, conflicts, and themes that will drive the narrative. It sets up important plot points and character dynamics that will be explored in future scenes.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it introduces a historical reference that adds a layer of mystery and tension to the narrative.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the ethical dilemma of cannibalism for survival. It challenges the protagonist's beliefs about morality and the lengths one would go to in order to survive.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7.8

The scene evokes a sense of unease and curiosity in the audience, setting up emotional stakes for the characters and hinting at darker events to come. The conversation about cannibalism adds a layer of dread to the scene.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is engaging and reveals important information about the characters and their motivations. It sets the tone for the scene and establishes key themes that will be explored further in the story.

Engagement: 8

This scene is engaging because it subtly hints at darker themes and conflicts beneath the surface of a seemingly ordinary conversation.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and maintains the audience's interest through naturalistic dialogue and subtle hints of conflict.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene adheres to standard formatting conventions for a screenplay, with clear scene headings and character actions.

Structure: 9

The scene follows a traditional structure for a dialogue-driven moment in a screenplay, effectively building tension and setting up future conflicts.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes a sense of foreboding through the juxtaposition of a seemingly mundane family conversation with the dark historical reference of the Donner party. However, the transition from light-hearted banter to a discussion of cannibalism feels abrupt and could benefit from a smoother lead-in to maintain the tone.
  • Wendy's yawn at the beginning serves to indicate fatigue, but it could be enhanced by adding a line that reflects her emotional state or apprehension about the move, which would deepen her character and set the stage for the tension that follows.
  • Danny's curiosity about the Donner party is a strong narrative device, but his understanding of cannibalism from television could be expanded to show his innocence or naivety more vividly. This would create a stronger emotional impact when juxtaposed with the horror of the subject matter.
  • Jack's dismissive attitude towards Wendy's concern about the Donner party could be more pronounced to highlight the tension in their relationship. This would foreshadow the conflicts that arise later in the story, making the audience more invested in their dynamic.
  • The dialogue feels somewhat expository, particularly Jack's explanation of the Donner party. It could be more natural and less like a history lesson. Consider incorporating more subtext or emotional reactions to make the conversation feel more organic.
Suggestions
  • Add a line or two from Wendy that expresses her unease about the move to the hotel, which would create a stronger emotional foundation for her character and the scene.
  • Consider having Danny ask more questions about the Donner party that reflect his innocence, such as asking if they were scared or if they had any food left, which would enhance the tension and emotional stakes.
  • Revise Jack's explanation of the Donner party to be more conversational and less like a lecture. Perhaps he could share a personal anecdote or a humorous take on the story to keep the tone lighter while still acknowledging the dark history.
  • Include a moment of silence or a visual cue after the mention of cannibalism to allow the weight of the topic to settle in, creating a more impactful transition to the next scene.
  • Explore the use of visual storytelling by incorporating more imagery of the mountains and the car's journey to enhance the atmosphere and foreshadow the isolation and danger that awaits the family.



Scene 8 - Welcome to the Overlook Hotel
INT. OVERLOOK HOTEL/LOBBY - M.L.S.

Man cleaning floor. CAMERA TRACKS L-R. WATSON & ULLMAN
walk forward from b.g.

ULLMAN
What time does the plane leave?

WATSON
Eight thirty.

ULLMAN
Well, that still gives up plenty of
time to go over everything first.


Two Girls carrying luggage enter cam.R and walk away to b.g.

GIRLS
Goodbye Mr. Ullman.

ULLMAN
Goodbye.

ULLMAN & WATSON walk L-R to JACK sitting in chair.

ULLMAN
Good morning Jack. I hope you
haven't been waiting too long.

JACK
No problem. In fact we had time to
grab a bite to eat.

JACK stands up.

ULLMAN
Good. Glad you made it before they
shut down the kitchen. Is your
family having a look around?

JACK
No, my son's discovered the games
room.

ULLMAN
Oh... Has your luggage been brought
in?

JACK points to luggage.

JACK
Right there.

ULLMAN
Oh fine. Well in view of all the
ground that we to cover today, I
suggest we go and have a quick look
at your apartment and then get
started straight away.

ULLMAN turns to WATSON.

ULLMAN
Bill, would you have the Torrances'
things brought in their apartment.

WATSON
Fine.


WATSON walks out cam.L.

JACK
I'd better collect my family first.

ULLMAN
Oh...

ULLMAN laughs and they move out cam.L.

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. HOTEL/COLORADO LOUNGE - DAY - M.L.S.

ULLMAN, followed by WENDY, JACK & WATSON, moves out of lift
cam.R. They walk R-L across Lounge. CAMERA TRACKS with them.

ULLMAN
This is our Colorado Lounge.

WENDY
Oh, it's beautiful.
(to Jack)
My God, this place is fantastic,
isn't it hon?

JACK
Sure is.

WENDY
God, I've never seen anything like
this before. Are all of these
Indian designs authentic?

ULLMAN
Yes, I believe they are based
mainly on Navajo and Apache motifs.

WENDY
Oh well they're really gorgeous.
As a matter of fact this is probably
the most gorgeous hotel I've ever
seen.

ULLMAN laughs.

ULLMAN
Oh this old place has had an
illustrious past. In its heyday it
was one of the stopping places for
the jet set,

They reach corner and turn, walking towards camera.


ULLMAN (CONT'D)
even before anybody knew what a jet
set was. We've had four presidents
who stayed here, lots of movie stars.

WENDY
Royalty?

ULLMAN
All the best people.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In the lobby of the Overlook Hotel, Ullman and Watson discuss logistics while a cleaner works nearby. They approach Jack, who is waiting with his family, and Ullman inquires about their luggage and plans. As they move to the Colorado Lounge, Ullman shares the hotel's history and decor, while Wendy admires its beauty. The scene is warm and welcoming, highlighting the excitement of settling into the grand hotel.
Strengths
  • Effective introduction of setting and characters
  • Establishes tone and atmosphere
  • Hints at potential conflicts and tensions
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development
  • Subtle conflict resolution

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively establishes the setting, introduces key characters, and hints at potential conflicts. The dialogue is informative and sets a formal tone, creating intrigue and setting the stage for future developments.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of introducing the characters to the hotel and setting the stage for future events is well-executed. The scene effectively establishes the tone and atmosphere of the story.

Plot: 8

The plot is advanced by introducing the characters to the hotel and hinting at potential conflicts. The scene sets up expectations for future developments and establishes the stakes for the characters.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a unique setting with historical and cultural elements that add depth to the narrative. The characters' interactions and dialogue feel authentic and contribute to the overall atmosphere of mystery and intrigue.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are introduced in a way that hints at their personalities and potential conflicts. Their interactions reveal aspects of their relationships and motivations.

Character Changes: 7

There are subtle hints at potential character changes, particularly in Jack's fascination with the hotel's history and Wendy's admiration for the setting. These changes set the stage for future developments.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to make a good impression on Ullman and ensure that his family is settled in comfortably at the hotel. This reflects Jack's desire to provide for his family and succeed in his new job as the caretaker of the hotel.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to get settled in at the hotel and start his new job as the caretaker. This reflects the immediate circumstances of Jack's employment and the challenges he may face in adjusting to his new role.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict is subtly hinted at through the dialogue and interactions between the characters. There is an underlying tension that foreshadows future conflicts.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create tension and conflict, as the protagonist faces challenges in adjusting to his new job and the mysteries of the hotel's past. The audience is left unsure of how these obstacles will be overcome.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are subtly hinted at through the history of the hotel and the characters' reactions to the setting. There is a sense of potential danger and conflict that raises the stakes.

Story Forward: 8

The scene effectively moves the story forward by introducing key elements and setting up expectations for future events. It establishes the foundation for the narrative to unfold.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it hints at potential conflicts and mysteries surrounding the hotel's past, as well as the protagonist's internal struggles and motivations. The audience is left wondering how these elements will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

There is a philosophical conflict evident in this scene between the protagonist's desire for success and stability in his new job and the potential challenges and mysteries of the hotel's past. This challenges Jack's beliefs about his own abilities and the nature of the hotel he is now responsible for.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene has a moderate emotional impact, primarily through the grandeur of the hotel and the interactions between the characters. There is a sense of foreboding that creates intrigue.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is informative and sets a formal tone that matches the setting of the hotel. It reveals character dynamics and hints at underlying tensions.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it introduces intriguing characters, a mysterious setting, and subtle conflicts that draw the audience in and create a sense of anticipation for what will happen next.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by slowly building tension and intrigue through the characters' interactions and the setting descriptions. The rhythm of the dialogue and actions keeps the audience engaged and interested in the unfolding story.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting. The visual descriptions and character actions are effectively conveyed through the formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre by introducing the setting, characters, and conflicts in a clear and engaging way. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness in building tension and intrigue.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes the Overlook Hotel's grandeur through dialogue and character reactions, particularly Wendy's admiration. However, the dialogue feels somewhat expository and could benefit from more subtext or conflict to enhance engagement.
  • The transition from the previous scene to this one is abrupt. While the previous scene ends with a focus on the hotel, the shift to the lobby could be smoother, perhaps by incorporating a brief moment of reflection or anticipation from Jack or Wendy as they enter the hotel.
  • The characters of Ullman and Watson are introduced, but their personalities and motivations are not fully fleshed out. Adding small character traits or quirks could make them more memorable and engaging for the audience.
  • Wendy's enthusiasm about the hotel is a nice touch, but it could be contrasted with Jack's demeanor to create tension. If Jack were more reserved or skeptical, it would add depth to their relationship and foreshadow the conflicts to come.
  • The scene lacks a strong emotional arc or stakes. While it serves to introduce the setting and characters, it doesn't create a sense of urgency or anticipation for the audience. Incorporating hints of the underlying horror or tension could elevate the scene.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment where Wendy expresses a specific concern about the hotel or their stay, which could foreshadow future conflicts and create a sense of unease.
  • Introduce a small conflict or disagreement between Jack and Wendy regarding their new environment or the hotel, which could serve to deepen their character dynamics and set the stage for future tensions.
  • Enhance Ullman's character by giving him a distinctive mannerism or catchphrase that makes him more memorable and adds to the atmosphere of the hotel.
  • Incorporate a brief moment of hesitation or apprehension from Jack as they enter the hotel, hinting at his internal struggles and setting up the psychological tension that will develop later.
  • Consider using visual storytelling techniques, such as camera angles or framing, to emphasize the grandeur of the hotel while also hinting at its ominous nature, perhaps through shadows or reflections.



Scene 9 - A New Beginning
INT. HOTEL GAMES ROOM - DAY - M.C.S.

DANNY throwing darts - CAMERA TRACKS BACK & PANS L-R with
him as he walks to the dartboard. He climbs up on chair and
pulls two darts out. He looks cam.L. CAMERA ZOOMS IN on him.

CUT TO:

M.S. Two GRADY girls, holding hands, standing near open door.

CUT TO:

M.C.S. DANNY.

CUT TO:

M.S. Two GRADY girls, holding hands. They look at one
another, then turn and exit out through open doorway.

CUT TO:

M.C.S. DANNY.

CUT TO:

INT. HOTEL/CARETAKER'S APARTMENT CORRIDOR - DAY - M.S.

ULLMAN leads WENDY & JACK forward along corridor to
Caretaker's Apartment.

ULLMAN
This is the staff wing of the hotel.
None of the other bedrooms are
heated during the winter.

WENDY
Oh!

Two Girls carrying bags enter from cam.L.


GIRLS
Goodbye Mr. Ullman.

ULLMAN
Goodbye girls.

ULLMAN waves to Girls and moves cam.R into JACK's apartment.
WENDY & JACK follow him.

ULLMAN
And here are your quarters.

CUT TO:

INT. HOTEL/JACK'S APARTMENT - DAY - M.S.

ULLMAN, followed by WENDY and JACK, move up steps. ULLMAN
points to open door cam.R.

ULLMAN
Living Room, bedroom, bathroom, and
a small bedroom for your son.

JACK leans forward and looks in small bedroom cam.L. He
turns and looks cam.R. at ULLMAN.

JACK
Perfect for a child.

WENDY
Yeah.

ULLMAN
Yes.

They move into apartment. JACK & WENDY move away through
living room into bedroom - CAMERA TRACKS FORWARD after them.

ULLMAN (OFF)
Well the place is very nicely self-
contained, easy to keep.

JACK feels bed.

JACK
Cosy.

JACK & WENDY move away and enter bathroom - CAMERA TRACKS
after them.


ULLMAN (OFF)
Yes, very cosy for a family, and if
you feel like spreading out you
have the rest of the hotel to move
around in.

JACK
Well, it's very... homely.

WENDY
Yeah.

DISSOLVE TO:
Genres: ["Horror","Drama"]

Summary In this scene, Danny throws darts in the hotel games room while two Grady girls exit through an open doorway. The focus shifts to Ullman, who leads Wendy and Jack through the caretaker's apartment corridor, explaining the unheated staff wing during winter. The Grady girls briefly interact with Ullman before leaving. Ullman shows Wendy and Jack their new living quarters, highlighting the cozy layout, which includes a living room, bedroom, bathroom, and a small bedroom for Danny. Jack and Wendy express their approval of the apartment, with Jack noting its homely feel, as they explore their new space together.
Strengths
  • Effective setting establishment
  • Engaging character interactions
  • Foreboding tone
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development
  • Subtle conflict escalation

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively establishes the setting, introduces key characters, and creates a sense of foreboding. The dialogue and interactions between the characters are engaging and hint at underlying tensions.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring the caretaker's quarters and the family's initial interactions with the hotel staff sets the stage for the unfolding horror. It effectively establishes the central location and key relationships.

Plot: 8

The plot progresses by introducing the family to their new living quarters and hinting at potential conflicts and tensions. It sets the stage for the unfolding events and establishes the initial dynamics.

Originality: 7

The scene introduces familiar elements of characters settling into a new space but adds a sense of foreboding and mystery through the hotel setting.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters are well-developed through their interactions and dialogue, hinting at underlying tensions and dynamics within the family. Each character's personality shines through in their reactions and responses.

Character Changes: 7

While there are subtle hints at character dynamics and changes, the scene primarily focuses on establishing the initial relationships and tensions. It sets the stage for potential character development.

Internal Goal: 8

Danny's internal goal is to feel at ease and comfortable in the new environment of the hotel. This reflects his deeper need for stability and security.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to settle into the caretaker's apartment and make it feel like home. This reflects the immediate challenge of adapting to a new living space.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The scene hints at potential conflicts and tensions within the family and the hotel setting. It sets the stage for the escalating conflicts and challenges the characters will face.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene comes from the contrast between the characters' desire for a homey environment and the ominous atmosphere of the hotel, creating a sense of conflict and tension.

High Stakes: 7

The scene hints at the high stakes involved in the family's isolation at the hotel and the potential conflicts they may face. It sets the stage for the escalating tension and horror to come.

Story Forward: 8

The scene effectively moves the story forward by introducing key locations, characters, and dynamics. It sets the stage for the unfolding events and hints at the challenges the characters will face.

Unpredictability: 6

This scene is unpredictable because it introduces a sense of mystery and unease in the seemingly ordinary setting, hinting at future twists and turns.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

There is a subtle philosophical conflict between the characters' desire for a sense of home and the eerie atmosphere of the hotel, hinting at potential challenges to come.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7.5

The scene evokes a sense of unease and curiosity, hinting at the emotional undercurrents within the family. It sets the stage for the audience to invest emotionally in the characters and their journey.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is engaging and reveals insights into the characters' personalities and relationships. It effectively conveys emotions, tensions, and hints at the unfolding horror.

Engagement: 8

This scene is engaging because it sets up the characters' goals and hints at potential conflicts, drawing the audience into the story.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene builds tension and intrigue, keeping the audience engaged and setting up the story's momentum.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows standard formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene headings, descriptions, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure of introducing the setting, characters, and their goals, setting up the narrative progression effectively.


Critique
  • The scene effectively transitions from Danny's playful activity in the games room to the more serious context of the caretaker's apartment, establishing a contrast between innocence and the underlying tension of the hotel. However, the abrupt cut between Danny and the Grady girls could be more fluid to enhance the eerie atmosphere. The visual storytelling could benefit from more descriptive action to convey Danny's emotional state as he interacts with the darts and the girls.
  • The dialogue is minimal, which works for the scene's pacing, but it could be enhanced with more subtext or internal conflict. For instance, Wendy's and Jack's reactions to the apartment could reveal more about their feelings regarding the hotel and their family dynamics. This would deepen the audience's understanding of their characters and the tension that is building.
  • The use of camera movements is effective, but the scene could benefit from more varied shot compositions to create a stronger visual narrative. For example, incorporating close-ups of Danny's expressions or the Grady girls' faces could heighten the suspense and emotional impact. Additionally, the camera could linger on certain moments to allow the audience to absorb the atmosphere and the characters' feelings.
  • The dialogue from Ullman is informative but lacks a sense of urgency or foreboding that could enhance the tension. Given the context of the story, Ullman's lines could hint at the darker history of the hotel, foreshadowing the events to come. This would create a more ominous tone and engage the audience's curiosity about the hotel's past.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more internal conflict or emotional depth to Wendy and Jack's dialogue as they explore the apartment. This could involve them discussing their hopes or fears about the winter ahead, which would add layers to their characters.
  • Incorporate more visual storytelling elements, such as close-ups of Danny's face or the Grady girls, to enhance the emotional stakes and create a more immersive experience for the audience.
  • Experiment with the pacing of the cuts between Danny and the Grady girls to create a more seamless transition that builds suspense. This could involve using sound design or visual motifs to connect the two moments more effectively.
  • Revise Ullman's dialogue to include subtle hints about the hotel's dark history, which would foreshadow future events and create a more foreboding atmosphere. This could be done through his tone or choice of words, suggesting that not everything is as it seems.



Scene 10 - Exploring the Overlook: A Tour of the Hedge Maze
EXT. HOTEL/THE MAZE - DAY - L.S.

ULLMAN leading WENDY, JACK & WATSON R-L along outside of
Maze. CAMERA TRACKS & PANS with them.

ULLMAN
This is our famous hedge maze.
It's quite an attraction around
here. The walls are thirteen feet
high and the hedges are about as
old as the hotel itself. It's a
lot of fun,

They walk from end of Maze towards Hotel in b.g.

ULLMAN (CONT'D)
but I wouldn't go in there unless I
had an hour to spare to find my way
out.

Laughter.

WENDY
When was the Overlook built?

CUT TO:

M.L.S. ULLMAN leads WENDY, JACK & WATSON L-R along front of
Hotel - CAMERA TRACKS with them.

ULLMAN
Ah... construction started in 1907.
It was finished in 1909. The site
is supposed to be located on an
Indian burial ground, and I believe
they actually had to repel a few
Indian attacks as they were building
it.

ULLMAN points to red Snowcat at entrance of garage.


ULLMAN
That's our Snowcat. Can you both
drive a car?

JACK & WENDY
(together)
Yes.

They walk towards SNOWCAT.

ULLMAN
That's fine because basically the
Snowcat operates very much like a
car and it won't take you long to
get the hang of it.

DISSOLVE TO:
Genres: ["Horror","Thriller","Drama"]

Summary Ullman takes Wendy, Jack, and Watson outside to explore the Overlook Hotel's famous hedge maze. He humorously describes its height and the time it takes to navigate, while sharing the hotel's construction history, including its location on an Indian burial ground. The group learns about a Snowcat vehicle, with Ullman confirming that both Jack and Wendy can drive it. The scene is light-hearted and informative, filled with curiosity about the hotel's past, as they walk towards the Snowcat, eager to learn how to operate it.
Strengths
  • Atmospheric setting
  • Historical context
  • Foreshadowing potential conflicts
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development
  • Dialogue could be more dynamic

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively sets up the atmosphere and background of the Overlook Hotel, providing crucial information while maintaining a sense of suspense and intrigue. The introduction of the hedge maze and the Snowcat adds layers to the setting and foreshadows potential conflicts.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring the Overlook Hotel through a guided tour provides a unique way to introduce the audience to the setting and its history. The inclusion of details like the Indian burial ground adds depth to the narrative and sets up potential conflicts.

Plot: 8

The plot progresses by revealing more about the hotel's background and the characters' reactions to the environment. The introduction of the hedge maze and Snowcat hints at future events and builds anticipation for what's to come.

Originality: 7

The scene introduces a familiar setting (a hotel) but adds a unique twist with the hedge maze and Snowcat vehicle. The dialogue and interactions between the characters feel authentic and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 7.5

The characters' reactions and interactions in the scene help to establish their personalities and relationships. Wendy's curiosity, Jack's intrigue, and Ullman's informative nature add depth to the unfolding story.

Character Changes: 6

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the interactions and reactions of the characters hint at potential shifts in their perspectives and behaviors as the story unfolds.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to navigate the conversation with ULLMAN and gather information about the hotel's history and surroundings. This reflects their curiosity, skepticism, and desire to understand their new environment.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to learn how to operate the Snowcat vehicle and prepare for potential emergencies. This reflects their need to adapt to the challenges of the hotel's remote location and harsh weather conditions.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The scene introduces subtle conflicts through mentions of the hotel's dark past and the potential dangers lurking within the maze. While not overtly confrontational, these elements create tension and foreshadow future challenges.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with hints of danger and conflict lurking beneath the surface. The characters face obstacles and challenges that add tension to the narrative.

High Stakes: 7

The mention of the Indian burial ground, the hedge maze, and the Snowcat hints at potential dangers and challenges that the characters may face. While not explicitly high-stakes, these elements raise the tension and anticipation for what's to come.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by providing essential background information about the hotel and setting up future events. It establishes key elements that will play a role in the narrative progression.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it hints at hidden dangers and mysteries that have yet to be fully revealed, creating suspense and uncertainty for the audience.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the tension between the hotel's luxurious facade and its dark history. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs about the nature of evil and the consequences of past actions.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7.5

The scene evokes a sense of curiosity and unease through its exploration of the hotel's history and the characters' reactions. While not deeply emotional, it sets the stage for heightened emotions in subsequent events.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue serves the purpose of providing information about the hotel's history and the characters' reactions to the surroundings. While informative, it could benefit from more dynamic exchanges to enhance engagement.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it introduces intriguing elements (the maze, Snowcat) and hints at the hotel's dark history, keeping the audience curious and invested in the story.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building suspense and maintaining the audience's interest. The gradual reveal of information and the character interactions contribute to a sense of foreboding.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a suspenseful thriller, with a gradual buildup of tension and foreshadowing of future events.


Critique
  • The scene effectively introduces the hedge maze, which serves as a significant symbol throughout the story. However, the dialogue feels somewhat expository and lacks depth. Ullman's lines primarily serve to inform the audience rather than develop character or advance the plot. This could be improved by incorporating more personal anecdotes or emotional reactions from the characters regarding the maze, which would enhance engagement.
  • The humor in Ullman's warning about getting lost in the maze is a nice touch, but it could be more impactful if the characters reacted with a mix of humor and apprehension, hinting at the darker themes of the story. This would create a more layered tone, balancing light-heartedness with foreshadowing.
  • The transition from the maze to the hotel feels abrupt. A smoother transition could enhance the flow of the scene. Consider adding a moment where the characters pause to reflect on the maze before moving on, allowing for a more natural progression.
  • The dialogue lacks distinct character voices. While Ullman is informative, Jack and Wendy's responses are generic. Adding unique quirks or personal touches to their dialogue could help differentiate their personalities and make the scene more engaging.
  • The visual elements are somewhat standard. While the camera tracks the characters, there could be more dynamic shots that emphasize the maze's grandeur and the characters' reactions to it. For instance, a low-angle shot of the maze could create a sense of awe or foreboding.
Suggestions
  • Incorporate more character-driven dialogue that reveals their personalities and relationships. For example, Wendy could express excitement or concern about the maze, while Jack might make a joke that reflects his character's humor or cynicism.
  • Add a moment of hesitation or reflection as the characters approach the maze, allowing them to acknowledge its significance. This could be a chance for them to share their thoughts or fears about the hotel and its history.
  • Consider using more varied camera angles and movements to create a more visually engaging scene. For example, a sweeping aerial shot of the maze could emphasize its complexity and foreshadow the challenges ahead.
  • Introduce a subtle hint of tension or unease in Ullman's tone when discussing the maze and the hotel's history. This could foreshadow the darker events to come and create a more layered atmosphere.
  • Enhance the humor by allowing for a playful exchange between the characters about the maze, perhaps with Danny chiming in with a childlike perspective that contrasts with the adults' more serious tones.



Scene 11 - Welcome to the Gold Ballroom
INT. HOTEL BALLROOM/CORRIDOR - DAY - M.S.

ULLMAN, JACK, WATSON & WENDY walk forward along corridor -
CAMERA TRACKS BACK before them.

ULLMAN
As a matter of fact we eh...
brought a decorator in from Chicago
just last year to refurbish this
part of the hotel.

WENDY
Oh well he sure did a beautiful job.
Pink and gold are my favorite colors.

ULLMAN leads WENDY, JACK & WATSON L-R into Gold Ballroom -
CAMERA TRACKS with them. Men in b.g. cleaning Ballroom.

ULLMAN
Oh...well this is our gold ballroom.

WENDY
Oh, I'll say.

ULLMAN leads them L-R across Ballroom to closed bar.

ULLMAN
We can accommodate up to three
hundred people here very comfortably.

WENDY
Boy, I bet you we could really have
a good party in this room, huh hon?


ULLMAN
I'm afraid you're not going to do
too well here unless you've brought
your own supplies. We always
remove all the booze from the
premises when we shut down:

He points to shuttered bar.

ULLMAN
that reduces the insurance that we
normally have to carry.

DICK HALLORAN walks forward from b.g.

JACK
We don't drink.

ULLMAN laughs.

ULLMAN
Well then, you're in luck.

ULLMAN waves to HALLORAN/

ULLMAN
Oh Dick, come on over and say hello
to Mr. and Mrs. Torrance.

HALLORAN
Sure.

ULLMAN
This is Dick Halloran, our Head Chef.

JACK shakes hands with DICK.

JACK
Mr. Halloran, I'm Jack, and this is
my wife, Winifred.

HALLORAN
Glad to meet you, Jack.

HALLORAN shakes hands with WENDY.

HALLORAN
Glad to meet you, Winifred.

WENDY
Nice to meet you.


ULLMAN
The Torrances are going to take
care of the Overlook for us this
winter.

HALLORAN
Oh, that's just great. How do you
folks like our hotel so far?

WENDY
Oh it's just wonderful.

WENDY waves out cam.L.

WENDY
Hi Danny!

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama","Horror"]

Summary In this scene, Ullman guides Jack, Wendy, and Watson through the hotel, showcasing the newly refurbished Gold Ballroom. Wendy admires the decor, while Ullman explains the ballroom's features and the hotel's alcohol policy for insurance reasons. They are joined by Dick Halloran, the head chef, who warmly greets the family. The atmosphere is light and friendly, with Wendy expressing excitement about their stay. The scene concludes with her waving to her son, Danny.
Strengths
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Effective character introductions
  • Foreshadowing of future events
Weaknesses
  • Low conflict level
  • Limited character development

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively introduces the setting, characters, and relationships while maintaining a sense of intrigue and foreshadowing. The dialogue is engaging and informative, providing essential background information and establishing the tone of the story.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene revolves around introducing the characters to the hotel environment and establishing key relationships. It effectively sets the stage for the unfolding events and builds anticipation for the story's development.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene focuses on the characters' initial impressions of the hotel, their interactions with the staff, and the subtle hints at the hotel's dark history. It serves as a foundation for the overarching narrative and hints at future conflicts.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces unique characters and settings, such as the hotel ballroom and the hotel staff, adding authenticity to the narrative. The dialogue feels natural and engaging, contributing to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters are well-developed through their interactions and dialogue, showcasing their personalities and relationships. Each character's reactions to the hotel tour provide insight into their motivations and fears, setting up potential conflicts.

Character Changes: 6

While there are subtle hints at the characters' internal struggles and fears, there is minimal overt character change in this scene. The focus is more on establishing the characters' initial impressions and dynamics.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to impress the hotel staff and fit into their new role as caretakers of the Overlook. This reflects their desire for a fresh start and acceptance in their new environment.

External Goal: 7.5

The protagonist's external goal is to establish a positive relationship with the hotel staff and ensure a smooth transition into their new responsibilities. This reflects the immediate challenge of adapting to a new job and environment.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

While there is a subtle undercurrent of tension and foreshadowing in the scene, the conflict level is relatively low. The primary focus is on introducing the characters and setting, with hints of potential conflicts to come.

Opposition: 7.5

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create tension and conflict, adding depth to the characters' interactions and motivations.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes in the scene are relatively low, focusing more on establishing the characters and setting. While there are hints at darker elements and potential conflicts, the immediate risks are minimal.

Story Forward: 8

The scene effectively moves the story forward by introducing key elements of the setting, characters, and relationships. It sets the stage for future events and hints at potential conflicts, driving the narrative forward.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected interactions and conflicts that arise between the characters, keeping the audience engaged and curious about the outcome.

Philosophical Conflict: 6.5

There is a subtle philosophical conflict between the hotel's strict policies, such as removing alcohol, and the protagonist's desire for freedom and enjoyment. This challenges the protagonist's values and beliefs about control and restriction.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene has a moderate emotional impact, primarily driven by the characters' reactions to the hotel and the hints at darker elements. There is a sense of unease and curiosity that resonates with the audience, setting the stage for future emotional developments.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is engaging and informative, revealing key information about the hotel and the characters. It establishes the tone of the scene and sets up future developments, while also showcasing the characters' personalities and dynamics.

Engagement: 8.5

This scene is engaging because of the dynamic interactions between the characters and the introduction of new challenges and conflicts that drive the plot forward.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a balanced rhythm that keeps the audience engaged and interested in the characters' interactions and dialogue.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with proper scene headings and character actions that enhance readability.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear character introductions and interactions that drive the narrative forward.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes the grandeur of the Overlook Hotel through Ullman's dialogue and the characters' reactions, particularly Wendy's admiration for the decor. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext or conflict to heighten the tension, as the current exchanges feel somewhat flat and lack emotional stakes.
  • Ullman's explanation about the removal of alcohol for insurance reasons is informative but could be more engaging. This detail could serve as a foreshadowing element, hinting at the isolation and potential dangers of the hotel. Consider adding a line that subtly implies the hotel's dark history or the psychological effects of isolation, which would enhance the atmosphere.
  • The introduction of Dick Halloran is a pivotal moment, yet it feels rushed. The handshake and greetings could be expanded to allow for a more meaningful interaction, perhaps hinting at Halloran's knowledge of the hotel's supernatural elements or his connection to Danny. This would create a stronger bond between the characters and set up future plot points.
  • Wendy's enthusiasm about the hotel is a nice touch, but it contrasts sharply with the underlying tension of the story. To maintain a consistent tone, consider incorporating a moment where Wendy's excitement is tempered by a fleeting sense of unease, perhaps through a brief exchange with Ullman or a visual cue that hints at the hotel's ominous nature.
  • The scene ends abruptly with Wendy waving to Danny, which feels disjointed. A more gradual transition to the next scene could enhance the flow, perhaps by lingering on the characters' expressions or adding a moment of silence that allows the audience to absorb the atmosphere before cutting away.
Suggestions
  • Introduce a line of dialogue that hints at the hotel's dark past or the psychological effects of isolation, creating a sense of foreboding.
  • Expand the interaction between Ullman and Halloran to deepen their characters and hint at Halloran's awareness of the hotel's supernatural elements.
  • Incorporate a moment where Wendy's excitement is briefly overshadowed by a sense of unease, maintaining the story's tension.
  • Consider adding a visual cue or lingering shot at the end of the scene to enhance the transition to the next scene, allowing the audience to absorb the atmosphere.
  • Use subtext in the dialogue to create underlying tension, perhaps through Ullman's demeanor or Wendy's reactions, to keep the audience engaged.



Scene 12 - A Warm Welcome
INT. HOTEL - BALLROOM - DAY - M.S.

SUSIE holding DANNY's hand. They walk L-R across Ballroom.
CAMERA TRACKS with them to JACK, HALLORAN, WATSON, WENDY &
ULLMAN.

SUSIE
I found him outside looking for you.

JACK
(OFF)
Danny, did you get tired
(IN SHOT)
of bombing the universe?

DANNY
Yeah.

WENDY
Danny, come on over here.

DANNY walks L-R from SUSIE to WENDY. WENDY looks at SUSIE.

WENDY
Thanks.

ULLMAN
Thank you, Susie.

SUSIE exits cam.L. ULLMAN turns to HALLORAN.


ULLMAN
Dick, if you're ready to do it now,
I think it would be a good idea if
you could show Mrs. Torrance the
kitchen, while I continue on with
Jack.

HALLORAN
It will be a pleasure. Right this
way Mrs. Torrance.

WENDY
Great. See you later, hon.

HALLORAN walks away to b.g. WENDY & DANNY follow him.

JACK
Bye darling.

ULLMAN, JACK & WATSON move out cam.L.

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. HOTEL - KITCHEN - DAY - M.S.

WENDY holding DANNY's hand walks forward into kitchen with
HALLORAN. CAMERA TRACKS BACK before them.

HALLORAN
Mrs. Torrance, your husband
introduced you as Winifred. Now
are you a Winnie or a Freddie?

WENDY
I'm a Wendy.

HALLORAN
Oh Wendy. That's nice. That's the
prettiest.

WENDY
God. This is the kitchen, huh?

HALLORAN
Yeah, this is it. How do you like
it, Danny? Is it big enough for you?

DANNY
Yeah, it's the biggest place I've
ever seen.

HALLORAN laughs.


WENDY
Yeah. This whole place is such an
enormous maze, I feel I'll have to
leave a trail of breadcrumbs every
time I come in.

HALLORAN laughs.

HALLORAN
Don't let it get you down Mrs.
Torrance - it's big but it still
ain't nothing but a kitchen... a
lot of the stuff you'll never have
to touch.

WENDY
I wouldn't know what to do with it
if I did.

HALLORAN
Well one thing for sure, you don't
have to worry about food because
you folks could eat up here a whole
year and never have the same menu
twice.

HALLORAN points to cam.L and leans to cam.L taking hold of
door handle.

HALLORAN
Now right here is our walk-in
freezer.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama","Horror"]

Summary In this light-hearted scene, Susie brings Danny to meet Jack, Halloran, Wendy, and Ullman in the hotel ballroom. Jack playfully engages Danny, who then joins Wendy as Halloran takes them to the kitchen. There, Halloran reassures Wendy about the kitchen's size and food options, fostering a friendly atmosphere. The scene concludes with Halloran preparing to show them the walk-in freezer.
Strengths
  • Effective establishment of setting
  • Building tension and mystery
  • Subtle character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Lack of significant character development
  • Limited action or external conflict

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively establishes the setting, introduces key characters, and creates a sense of tension and mystery, setting the stage for future developments.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring the hotel's kitchen and setting up a sense of mystery and tension is well-executed, laying the groundwork for future developments.

Plot: 8.5

The plot progresses as the characters explore the hotel and interact with each other and Dick Halloran, hinting at underlying tensions and mysteries within the setting.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a familiar setting of a hotel but adds a fresh perspective through the characters' nuanced dialogue and interactions. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue enhances the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are introduced and their dynamics are subtly revealed through their interactions and dialogue, setting the stage for potential character development.

Character Changes: 7

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the interactions hint at potential shifts in dynamics and motivations.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to navigate the social dynamics and unfamiliar environment of the hotel while maintaining composure and control over their emotions. This reflects their deeper need for acceptance and stability in a new setting.

External Goal: 7.5

The protagonist's external goal is to familiarize themselves with the hotel's layout and facilities, as well as establish connections with the other characters. This reflects the immediate challenge of adapting to a new environment and social circle.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

There is a subtle conflict underlying the interactions between the characters, hinting at potential tensions and mysteries to come.

Opposition: 7.5

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create tension and conflict, as the characters navigate through the unfamiliar environment of the hotel and interact with each other in subtle yet meaningful ways.

High Stakes: 7

The scene hints at potential high stakes through the mysterious and foreboding atmosphere established in the interactions and dialogue.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing key elements of the setting, characters, and potential conflicts, setting the stage for future developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the subtle conflicts and tensions between characters, as well as the mysterious atmosphere of the hotel that hints at hidden secrets and motivations.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

There is a philosophical conflict between the characters' perceptions of the hotel's grandeur and the protagonist's sense of overwhelm and disorientation. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs about their ability to navigate unfamiliar territory and maintain control over their surroundings.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7.5

The scene evokes a sense of unease and curiosity, setting the stage for potential emotional developments in the story.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue effectively conveys information about the characters, their relationships, and the setting, while also building tension and intrigue.

Engagement: 8.5

This scene is engaging because of the subtle tension between characters, the mysterious atmosphere of the hotel, and the gradual reveal of the protagonist's internal struggles and external challenges.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a balance of dialogue and action that maintains the tension and mystery of the hotel setting.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings and character actions that are easy to follow.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear transitions between locations and well-paced dialogue that advances the plot.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes a warm and welcoming atmosphere, showcasing the interactions between the characters. However, the dialogue feels somewhat expository and lacks depth. While it serves to introduce the kitchen and the characters' relationships, it could benefit from more subtext or conflict to enhance engagement.
  • The transition from the ballroom to the kitchen is smooth, but the scene could use more visual descriptions to create a stronger sense of place. For instance, describing the kitchen's layout, smells, or sounds could immerse the audience further into the setting.
  • The humor in Halloran's dialogue is a nice touch, but it feels a bit forced at times. The line about breadcrumbs, while intended to be light-hearted, could come off as cliché. Finding a more original way for Wendy to express her feelings about the kitchen's size could enhance her character's uniqueness.
  • Danny's character is underutilized in this scene. While he responds affirmatively to Halloran's questions, giving him more agency or a distinct voice could make him a more memorable character. Perhaps he could express curiosity about the kitchen or share a playful comment that reflects his personality.
  • The scene lacks a clear emotional arc or stakes. While it serves as a transition, adding a hint of tension or foreshadowing regarding the family's future at the hotel could create a more compelling narrative thread. This could be achieved through subtle hints in the dialogue or character interactions.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more descriptive language to paint a vivid picture of the kitchen and its atmosphere, including sensory details like smells, sounds, and visual elements.
  • Introduce a moment of conflict or tension, even if subtle, to create stakes for the characters. This could be a hint of unease about the hotel's vastness or a concern about the isolation they might face.
  • Revise Halloran's dialogue to make it feel more natural and less clichéd. Explore unique ways for Wendy to express her feelings about the kitchen's size that align with her character.
  • Give Danny a more active role in the scene. Allow him to ask questions or make observations that showcase his personality and curiosity, making him feel more integral to the family dynamic.
  • Consider ending the scene with a moment that hints at the darker themes of the story, perhaps through a subtle change in tone or a brief, unsettling comment that foreshadows future events.



Scene 13 - A Taste of Humor
INT. HOTEL - FREEZER - DAY - M.S.

HALLORAN opens door and steps into freezer. WENDY & DANNY
stand in doorway. HALLORAN points to various items.

HALLORAN
Now this is where we keep all of
out meat. You got fifteen rib
roasts - thirty ten pound bags of
hamburgers. You got twelve-
turkeys, two dozen pork roasts and
twenty legs of lamb.
(to Danny)
Do you like lamb, Doc?

DANNY
No.


HALLORAN
You don't? Well what's your
favorite food then?

DANNY
French Fries and Ketchup.

HALLORAN laughs.

HALLORAN
Well I think we can manage that
too, Doc. Come along now. Watch
your step.

HALLORAN points to step by door.

CUT TO:

INT. HOTEL - KITCHEN - DAY - M.S.

DANNY & WENDY, followed by HALLORAN, come out of Freezer.

WENDY
Mr. Halloran,

HALLORAN closes the door and turns to WENDY.

WENDY (CONT'D)
how did you know we called him 'Doc'?

HALLORAN, DANNY & WENDY walk forward - CAMERA TRACKS BACK
with them.

HALLORAN
Beg pardon?

WENDY
Doc. You called Danny 'Doc' twice
just now.

HALLORAN
I did?

WENDY
Yeah. We call him Doc sometimes,
you know, like in the Bugs Bunny
cartoons. But how did you know that?

HALLORAN
Well I guess I probably heard you
call him that.


WENDY
Well, it's possible, but I honestly
don't remember calling him that
since we've been with you.

They all stop walking.

HALLORAN
Well anyway, he looks like a Doc,
doesn't he?

HALLORAN bends down to DANNY.

HALLORAN
(clicks his tongue)
Me ah - what's up, Doc?

HALLORAN laughs and turns away to door cam.L. He opens door.

HALLORAN
Now this is the storeroom.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Horror","Thriller"]

Summary In a playful scene set in a hotel freezer, Halloran introduces Wendy and Danny to the various meats stored inside. He engages Danny by asking about his favorite food, leading to a humorous exchange where Danny mentions 'French Fries and Ketchup.' Wendy, curious about how Halloran knows Danny's nickname 'Doc,' prompts a light-hearted conversation where Halloran claims he must have overheard them. The scene concludes with Halloran opening the door to the storeroom.
Strengths
  • Effective suspense building
  • Intriguing character dynamics
  • Mysterious elements
Weaknesses
  • Low emotional impact
  • Subtle conflict level

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively sets a suspenseful tone with the introduction of the freezer and the playful banter between Halloran and Danny. It also hints at underlying mysteries with the mention of the nickname 'Doc.' The execution is well done, building tension and curiosity.


Story Content

Concept: 8.5

The concept of exploring the hotel's freezer and introducing the character of Halloran is intriguing and adds depth to the narrative. The scene effectively sets up mysteries and character dynamics that will likely play a significant role in the story.

Plot: 8

The plot is advanced by introducing the freezer setting, establishing character relationships, and hinting at underlying mysteries. The scene sets up potential conflicts and developments that will likely unfold in future scenes.

Originality: 7

The scene introduces a fresh approach to character dynamics and humor in a seemingly mundane setting, adding authenticity to the characters' actions and dialogue.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-developed in this scene, with Halloran's playful nature contrasting with the mysterious connection he shares with Danny. Wendy and Danny's interactions also reveal aspects of their personalities and relationships.

Character Changes: 6

There is a subtle hint at character dynamics and potential changes, particularly in the mysterious connection between Halloran and Danny. However, significant character changes are not explicitly shown in this scene.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to maintain a sense of normalcy and comfort for his son, Danny, in a potentially dangerous situation. This reflects his deeper need to protect and reassure his family.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to show Wendy and Danny around the hotel facilities and ensure their safety and comfort. This reflects the immediate circumstances of their stay at the hotel.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

While there is a subtle conflict in the scene regarding the mysterious connection between Halloran and Danny, the overall conflict level is relatively low. The focus is more on establishing character dynamics and setting up future developments.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create tension and uncertainty, adding depth to the character interactions and dynamics.

High Stakes: 6

While there are hints at underlying mysteries and potential conflicts, the stakes in this scene are relatively low. The focus is more on establishing character relationships and setting up future events.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing key elements such as the freezer setting, character dynamics, and hints at deeper mysteries. It sets up future developments and conflicts that will drive the narrative forward.

Unpredictability: 6

This scene is unpredictable in the sense of Wendy questioning Halloran's knowledge, adding a layer of mystery and intrigue to the interaction.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the idea of perception and memory. Wendy questions Halloran's knowledge of calling Danny 'Doc', challenging the reliability of memory and perception.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6.5

The scene evokes a sense of curiosity and intrigue, with a hint of playfulness in the interactions between characters. While there is not a strong emotional impact, the scene sets the stage for potential emotional developments in the story.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue effectively conveys the playful interaction between Halloran and Danny, as well as the curiosity and concern expressed by Wendy. The conversations feel natural and contribute to character development.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the humor, warmth, and natural interactions between the characters, keeping the audience invested in the unfolding dynamics.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining a steady rhythm and flow of dialogue and actions, keeping the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with proper scene headings and descriptions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear transitions between locations and character interactions.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes Halloran's character as friendly and approachable, which is important for building rapport with Danny and Wendy. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext or tension, especially considering the overall dark themes of the screenplay. The light-hearted banter feels somewhat out of place given the ominous atmosphere surrounding the Overlook Hotel.
  • Danny's response about his favorite food is cute and adds a layer of innocence to his character, but it could be enhanced by showing more of his personality or fears. For instance, he could express a preference for a food that ties into his imaginary friend Tony, which would deepen the connection between his character and the supernatural elements of the story.
  • Wendy's question about how Halloran knew Danny's nickname introduces an intriguing element of mystery, but the exchange lacks a sense of urgency or foreboding. Given the context of the story, this could be an opportunity to hint at Halloran's deeper knowledge of the hotel or Danny's abilities, which would foreshadow later events.
  • The pacing of the scene feels a bit slow, particularly in the transition from the freezer to the kitchen. The dialogue could be tightened to maintain momentum and keep the audience engaged. Consider cutting some of the repetitive phrases or streamlining the conversation to focus on key points.
  • The visual elements of the scene are somewhat limited, primarily focusing on dialogue. Incorporating more descriptive actions or reactions from the characters could enhance the scene's visual storytelling. For example, showing Danny's body language or Wendy's expressions could convey their feelings more effectively.
Suggestions
  • Introduce subtle hints of tension or foreboding in Halloran's dialogue to align with the overall tone of the screenplay. This could be achieved by having him reference the hotel's history or express concern about the isolation.
  • Consider adding a line or two that connects Danny's food preferences to his relationship with Tony, which would deepen his character and foreshadow the supernatural elements of the story.
  • Enhance the mystery surrounding Halloran's knowledge of Danny's nickname by having him respond in a way that suggests he knows more than he lets on, perhaps by mentioning something specific about Danny that he shouldn't know.
  • Tighten the dialogue to improve pacing, focusing on key exchanges that drive the narrative forward. Eliminate any repetitive phrases that do not add value to the scene.
  • Incorporate more visual storytelling by describing the characters' actions and reactions in response to the dialogue. This could include Danny's nervousness or Wendy's protective instincts, which would add depth to their characters.



Scene 14 - A Tour of Abundance
INT. HOTEL - STOREROOM - DAY - M.S.

HALLORAN moves forward into Storeroom, followed by DANNY &
WENDY. Groceries stacked on shelves.

HALLORAN
In here, Mrs. Torrance, is where we
keep all the dried goods and the
canned goods. We got canned fruits
and vegetables; canned fish and
meats; hot and cold cereals.

HALLORAN & WENDY move L-R - CAMERA TRACKS with them past
shelf in f.g.

HALLORAN
Post Toasties, Cornflakes, Sugar
Puffs, Rice Krispies, Oatmeal,
Wheatina and Cream of Wheat.

CUT TO:

M.S. DANNY standing by cardboard boxes. CAMERA TRACKS IN on
him.

HALLORAN (OFF)
We got a dozen jugs of black
molasses, we got sixty boxes of
dried milk, thirty twelve pound
bags of sugar.

CUT TO:


M.S. HALLORAN talks inaudibly to WENDY, back to camera.
CAMERA TRACKS IN on HALLORAN.

HALLORAN
(thought transfer)
How'd you like some ice cream, Doc?

CUT TO:

M.C.S. DANNY.

HALLORAN (OFF)
sociables, finger rolls and seven
kinds of what-have-you.

CUT TO:

M.S. HALLORAN & WENDY move R-L to DANNY by open door.
CAMERA TRACKS with them.

HALLORAN
Now we got dried peaches, dried
apricots, dried raisins and dried
prunes.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Horror","Thriller","Drama"]

Summary In this scene, Halloran guides Wendy and Danny through the hotel's storeroom, showcasing the extensive food supplies available, including canned goods and cereals. As Halloran enthusiastically lists the items, the camera follows their movements, highlighting the storeroom's abundance. The tone is light-hearted, with Halloran playfully suggesting ice cream to Danny, creating an informative and engaging moment for the family.
Strengths
  • Detailed description of the hotel's supplies
  • Effective setting establishment
  • Informative dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Lack of emotional depth
  • Minimal character development
  • Low conflict level

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 7.5

The scene is well-designed with a focus on providing detailed information about the hotel's supplies and setting. The execution is solid, but the concept may be considered mundane for some viewers. The dialogue is informative but lacks emotional depth. The theme of isolation and preparation for the winter is subtly introduced.


Story Content

Concept: 7

The concept of exploring the hotel's storeroom adds depth to the setting and characters. It sets the stage for the isolation and challenges the characters will face during the winter.

Plot: 7.5

The plot of the scene revolves around the characters' exploration of the hotel's storeroom, providing essential information for their stay. It sets the foundation for the challenges they will encounter during the winter.

Originality: 7

The scene introduces a familiar setting but adds a layer of suspense through the characters' interactions and dialogue. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue enhances the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 7

The characters are portrayed as practical and focused on their preparations for the winter. Their interactions are informative but lack emotional depth in this scene.

Character Changes: 3

There is minimal character change in this scene, as the characters are primarily focused on practical tasks. Their interactions reveal their preparedness for the challenges ahead.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to maintain composure and control in a potentially stressful situation. This reflects their deeper need for stability and safety.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to familiarize themselves with the hotel's storeroom and inventory. This reflects the immediate challenge of adapting to a new environment.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 3

The scene lacks significant conflict, focusing more on the practical aspects of the characters' preparations. The conflict is minimal but sets the stage for future challenges.

Opposition: 6

The opposition in the scene is moderate, with hints of underlying tension and potential conflict, keeping the audience engaged.

High Stakes: 4

The stakes are relatively low in this scene, focusing more on the practical aspects of the characters' preparations. It sets the foundation for future conflicts and challenges.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by establishing the setting and the characters' preparations for the winter. It sets the stage for the challenges they will face at the hotel.

Unpredictability: 6

This scene is unpredictable because of the underlying tension and mysterious dialogue, leaving the audience unsure of what will happen next.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

There is a philosophical conflict between the protagonist's desire for normalcy and the underlying tension in the environment. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs about safety and security.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 4

The scene has a neutral sentiment and lacks emotional depth. It focuses more on providing information about the hotel's supplies rather than evoking strong emotions.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue is detailed and informative, focusing on the description of the hotel's supplies. It lacks emotional depth but effectively conveys the characters' practical mindset.

Engagement: 7

This scene is engaging because it builds tension through subtle hints and character interactions, keeping the audience intrigued.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by gradually building tension and suspense through character interactions and dialogue.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear transitions between different shots and character interactions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear descriptions of the setting and character movements.


Critique
  • The scene primarily serves as an exposition dump, listing various food items without much narrative tension or character development. While it provides information about the storeroom's contents, it lacks emotional stakes or conflict, which can make it feel flat and unengaging for the audience.
  • The dialogue is somewhat monotonous, as Halloran lists items in a way that feels more like a grocery inventory than a lively conversation. This could lead to viewer disengagement, as the scene does not effectively utilize the characters' personalities or relationships to create interest.
  • The use of camera tracking is noted, but it does not seem to enhance the scene significantly. The movement feels mechanical rather than dynamic, and it could benefit from more creative camera angles or movements that reflect the characters' emotions or the atmosphere of the storeroom.
  • Danny's character is present but underutilized in this scene. He stands by cardboard boxes without much interaction or development, which misses an opportunity to explore his relationship with Halloran or Wendy further. This could be a chance to show Danny's curiosity or apprehension about the hotel.
  • The scene lacks a clear purpose or goal for the characters. While Halloran is showing the storeroom, there is no underlying tension or objective that drives the scene forward. This could be improved by introducing a specific reason for their visit beyond just inventory, such as a need for supplies due to an impending storm.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment of tension or conflict, such as a sudden noise or an unexpected discovery in the storeroom that disrupts the mundane inventory listing. This could create a sense of urgency or suspense.
  • Incorporate more character-driven dialogue that reveals the personalities of Halloran, Wendy, and Danny. For example, Halloran could share a humorous anecdote about a past experience with the food supplies, or Danny could express a desire for a specific item, adding depth to his character.
  • Utilize the camera to reflect the emotional tone of the scene. For instance, close-ups on Danny's reactions or Halloran's expressions could add layers to the interaction and make the scene feel more dynamic.
  • Explore Danny's character further by giving him a more active role in the scene. Perhaps he could ask questions about the storeroom or express curiosity about the food, which would help to develop his character and engage the audience.
  • Reframe the scene's purpose by introducing a specific goal for the characters, such as needing to gather supplies for a special meal or preparing for an upcoming event at the hotel. This would provide a clearer narrative drive and make the scene feel more relevant to the overall story.



Scene 15 - A Sweet Escape
INT. HOTEL KITCHEN - DAY - M.S.

HALLORAN, followed by WENDY & DANNY move out of Storeroom
cam.R.f.g.

HALLORAN
You know, Mrs. Torrance, you gotta
keep regular, if you want to be
happy.

HALLORAN laughs as he closes Storeroom door. JACK, ULLMAN &
WATSON walk forward from b.g.

ULLMAN
Hi.

WENDY
Hi.

ULLMAN
How're you getting on?

HALLORAN & WENDY
Just fine.


ULLMAN
Dick, can we borrow Mrs. Torrance
for a few minutes? We're on our
way through to the basement - I
promise we won't keep her very long.

HALLORAN
No problem, Mr. Ullman. I was just
getting to the ice cream.

HALLORAN leans down to DANNY.

HALLORAN
Do you like ice cream, Doc?

DANNY
Yeah.

HALLORAN laughs.

HALLORAN
I thought you did.

HALLORAN straightens up and looks at JACK.

HALLORAN
You folks don't mind if I give
Danny some ice cream, while we're
waiting for you?

JACK
Not at all.

WENDY
No, we don't mind.

HALLORAN
Good.

WENDY
Sound good to you, Danny?

DANNY
Yeah.

WENDY
Okay. You behave yourself.

HALLORAN takes hold of DANNY's hand as ULLMAN, JACK, WENDY &
WATSON move away to b.g.

HALLORAN
Now what kind of ice cream do you
like Doc?


DANNY
Chocolate.

HALLORAN
Chocolate it shall be. Come on son.

HALLORAN & DANNY move out cam.L.

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. HOTEL - GREEN CORRIDOR - DAY - M.S.

ULLMAN, JACK & WENDY - followed by WATSON - move forward.
CAMERA TRACKS BACK before them.

WENDY
It's amazing how much activity is
going on today.

ULLMAN
Yes, well the guests and some of
the staff left yesterday, but the
last day is always very hectic -
everybody wants to be on their way
as early as possible.

They turn corner and walk away along corridor.

ULLMAN
By five o'clock tonight, you'll
never know anybody was ever here.

WENDY
Just like a ghost ship, huh?

ULLMAN
Yes.

DISSOLVE TO:
Genres: ["Horror","Thriller","Drama"]

Summary In this light-hearted scene set in a hotel kitchen, Halloran humorously advises Wendy on the importance of regularity for happiness. As Ullman requests Wendy's assistance in the basement, Halloran bonds with Danny over their shared love for chocolate ice cream. The two leave together for a treat, while Ullman, Jack, and Watson continue discussing the hotel's busy atmosphere as they prepare for the departure of guests and staff.
Strengths
  • Effective world-building
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Low conflict level
  • Limited character development

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively sets the tone for the eerie atmosphere of the hotel while also establishing the characters' relationships and the daily routines within the setting. The dialogue is engaging and informative, adding depth to the scene.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring different areas of the hotel while introducing key characters and their relationships is well-executed. The scene effectively sets the stage for future developments and establishes the eerie atmosphere of the hotel.

Plot: 8

The plot progression in the scene focuses on the characters' exploration of the hotel and the introduction of key locations and characters. It sets the foundation for future events and adds depth to the overall narrative.

Originality: 7

The scene introduces a familiar setting of a hotel kitchen but adds a unique twist with the inclusion of ice cream as a comforting element amidst the eerie atmosphere. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and contribute to the scene's originality.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The scene effectively showcases the characters' personalities and relationships, particularly through their interactions with Halloran and Ullman. Each character's role and dynamics are established, adding depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 7

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the introduction of Halloran adds a new dynamic to the group and sets the stage for potential developments. The characters' interactions hint at potential growth and challenges.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to maintain a sense of normalcy and comfort for her son, Danny, amidst the unsettling environment of the hotel.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to comply with Mr. Ullman's request to accompany him to the basement, showcasing her willingness to cooperate and adapt to the hotel's demands.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

While there is a sense of foreboding and tension in the scene, the conflict is more subtle and internalized within the characters. The conflict is primarily driven by the eerie atmosphere of the hotel and the unknown elements within.

Opposition: 6

The opposition in the scene is subtle but present, as the characters navigate the hotel's mysterious environment and the underlying tension between routine and uncertainty.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes in the scene are relatively low, focusing more on character interactions, exploration, and setting the tone for future events. While there is a sense of foreboding, the immediate risks are not explicitly high.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing key locations, characters, and relationships within the hotel. It sets the foundation for future events and developments, adding depth to the overall narrative.

Unpredictability: 6

This scene is unpredictable in terms of how the characters' actions and decisions may impact the unfolding events, keeping the audience intrigued and uncertain about the outcome.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

There is a subtle philosophical conflict between the characters' desire for routine and comfort, represented by the ice cream, and the underlying tension and mystery of the hotel's history.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7.5

The scene evokes a sense of curiosity and intrigue, setting the stage for future developments. The interactions between the characters and the exploration of the hotel's spaces add depth to the emotional impact.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene is engaging and informative, providing insight into the characters' personalities and the daily operations of the hotel. The interactions feel natural and contribute to the overall atmosphere of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the natural and relatable interactions between the characters, as well as the subtle tension created by the hotel's mysterious atmosphere.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a balanced rhythm that maintains the audience's interest and allows for the development of character interactions and tension.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene's formatting adheres to industry standards, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting, enhancing readability and clarity.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with well-defined character interactions and progression of events, maintaining the expected format for its genre.


Critique
  • The scene effectively maintains a light-hearted tone, which contrasts with the darker themes of the overall story. This juxtaposition can create a sense of foreboding, but it may also dilute the tension if not balanced carefully throughout the screenplay.
  • The dialogue is functional and serves to establish character relationships, particularly between Halloran, Wendy, and Danny. However, it lacks depth and could benefit from more subtext or emotional resonance to enhance character development.
  • The introduction of ice cream as a reward for Danny is a nice touch, but it feels somewhat trivial in the context of the larger narrative. This could be an opportunity to foreshadow darker events or to deepen the emotional stakes by connecting the ice cream to a more significant theme or memory.
  • The transition between Halloran's playful interaction with Danny and Ullman's more serious demeanor could be smoother. The abrupt shift in tone may confuse the audience about the emotional stakes of the scene.
  • The scene ends with a sense of normalcy, which may undermine the tension built in previous scenes. It would be beneficial to leave the audience with a lingering sense of unease or anticipation for what is to come.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding subtext to the dialogue, allowing characters to express their underlying fears or concerns about the hotel and their situation, which would enhance the emotional weight of the scene.
  • Incorporate a moment where Halloran's demeanor shifts slightly, hinting at his awareness of the hotel's darker history, which could create a more ominous atmosphere.
  • Explore the idea of ice cream as a metaphor for childhood innocence or fleeting happiness, perhaps by having Danny express a deeper desire or fear related to the ice cream, linking it to the overarching themes of the story.
  • Smooth the transition between the light-hearted interaction and Ullman's entrance by including a brief moment of silence or a visual cue that hints at the impending tension, such as a shadow passing or a distant sound.
  • End the scene with a more ambiguous or unsettling line from Ullman or Halloran that hints at the darker events to come, leaving the audience with a sense of foreboding.



Scene 16 - The Warning of Room 237
INT. HOTEL - KITCHEN - DAY - M.C.S.

HALLORAN looking down cam.R.

HALLORAN
Do you know how I knew your name
was Doc?

CUT TO:

M.C.S. DANNY over HALLORAN - DANNY looking at HALLORAN.

CUT TO:


M.C.S. HALLORAN

HALLORAN
You know what I'm talking about,
don't you?

CUT TO:

M.C.S. DANNY over HALLORAN. DANNY looking at HALLORAN.

CUT TO:

M.C.S. HALLORAN

HALLORAN
I can remember when I was a little
boy, my grandmother and I could
hold conversations entirely without
ever opening our mouths. She
called it shining,

CUT TO:

M.C.S. DANNY

HALLORAN (OFF)(CONT'D)
and for a long time I thought it
was just the two of us that had the
shine to us.

CUT TO:

M.C.S. HALLORAN.

HALLORAN
Just like you probably thought you
was the only one. But there are
other folks, though mostly they
don't know it, or don't believe it.

CUT TO:

M.C.S. DANNY

CUT TO:

M.C.S. HALLORAN

HALLORAN
How long have you been able to do it?

CUT TO:

M.S. HALLORAN & DANNY sitting at table.


HALLORAN
Why don't you want to talk about it?

CUT TO:

M.C.S. DANNY

DANNY
I'm not supposed to.

CUT TO:

M.C.S. HALLORAN

HALLORAN
Who says you ain't supposed to?

CUT TO:

M.C.S. DANNY

DANNY
Tony.

CUT TO:

M.C.S. HALLORAN

HALLORAN
Who's Tony?

CUT TO:

M.C.S. DANNY

DANNY
Tony's the little boy who lives in
my mouth.

CUT TO:

M.C.S. HALLORAN

HALLORAN
Is Tony the one that tells you
things?

CUT TO:

M.C.S. DANNY


DANNY
Yes.

CUT TO:

M.C.S. HALLORAN

HALLORAN
How does he tell you things?

CUT TO:

M.S. HALLORAN & DANNY sitting at table.

DANNY
It's like I go to sleep, and he
shows me things but when I wake up,
I can't remember everything.

CUT TO:

M.C.S. HALLORAN

HALLORAN
Does your Mum and Dad know about
Tony?

CUT TO:

M.C.S. DANNY.

DANNY
Yes.

CUT TO:

M.C.S. HALLORAN

HALLORAN
Do they know he tell you things?

CUT TO:

M.C.S. HALLORAN

HALLORAN
Has Tony ever told you anything
about this place? About the
Overlook Hotel?

CUT TO:

M.C.S. DANNY over HALLORAN


DANNY
I don't know.

CUT TO:

M.C.S. HALLORAN.

HALLORAN
Now think real hard, Doc. Think.

CUT TO:

M.C.S. DANNY over HALLORAN.

DANNY
Maybe he showed me something.

CUT TO:

M.C.S. HALLORAN.

HALLORAN
Try to think what it was.

CUT TO:

M.C.S. DANNY over HALLORAN.

DANNY
Mr. Halloran, are you scared of
this place?

CUT TO:

M.S. Shooting across table onto HALLORAN & DANNY.

HALLORAN
No, I'm scared of nothing here.
It's just that you know some places
are like people, some shine and
some don't. I guess you could say
the Overlook Hotel here has
something about it that's like
shining.

DANNY
Is there something bad here?

CUT TO:

M.C.S. HALLORAN.


HALLORAN
Well, you know Doc, when something
happens it can leave a trace of
itself behind... say like is
someone burns toast.

CUT TO:

M.C.S. DANNY

HALLORAN (OFF)
Well, maybe things that happened...
leave other kinds of traces behind.

CUT TO:

M.C.S. HALLORAN

HALLORAN
Not things that anyone can notice,
but things that people who shine
can see. Just like they can see
things that haven't happened yet.
Well, sometimes they can see things
that happened a long time ago... I
think a lot of things happened
right here in this particular
hotel - over the years, and not all
of them was good.

CUT TO:

M.C.S. DANNY

DANNY
What about Room 237?

CUT TO:

M.C.S. HALLORAN

HALLORAN
Room 237?

CUT TO:

M.C.S. DANNY

DANNY
You're scared of Room 237, ain'tcha?

CUT TO:

M.C.S. HALLORAN


HALLORAN
No I ain't.

CUT TO:

M.C.S. DANNY

DANNY
Mr. Halloran, what is in Room 237?

CUT TO:

M.C.S. HALLORAN

HALLORAN
Nothing. There ain't nothing in
Room 237, but you ain't got no
business going in there anyway, so
stay out! You understand, stay out!

CUT TO:

M.C.S. DANNY.

CUT TO:

BLACK FRAMES.

Superimposition over:

A MONTH LATER

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Horror","Psychological Thriller"]

Summary In a tense kitchen conversation, Halloran mentors Danny about their psychic ability known as 'shining.' He encourages Danny to share his experiences with a figure named Tony, who communicates with him through dreams. Danny expresses fear regarding Room 237, which Halloran warns him to avoid, hinting at dark secrets within. The scene concludes with a time jump, indicating a month has passed.
Strengths
  • Building tension
  • Revealing supernatural elements
  • Establishing character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Limited visual action
  • Reliance on dialogue for exposition

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene effectively establishes a sense of unease and mystery through Halloran's conversation with Danny about his psychic abilities and the presence of Tony. It sets up the supernatural elements of the story while maintaining a high level of tension and intrigue.


Story Content

Concept: 9.5

The concept of psychic abilities, the presence of Tony, and the supernatural elements introduced in this scene are crucial to the overall plot of the story. It lays the foundation for the horror and psychological thriller aspects of the narrative.

Plot: 9

The plot is advanced significantly in this scene through the revelation of Danny's abilities and the introduction of the mysterious entity Tony. It sets up key elements that will drive the story forward and increase the stakes for the characters.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces supernatural elements in a subtle and intriguing way, blending psychological horror with supernatural themes. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and contribute to the overall sense of unease.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Danny and Halloran are well-developed in this scene, with Danny's vulnerability and Halloran's mysterious nature adding depth to the narrative. Their interaction reveals important aspects of their personalities and sets up future character dynamics.

Character Changes: 8

Danny undergoes a significant revelation about his abilities and the presence of Tony, which marks a turning point in his understanding of the supernatural forces at play. This realization sets him on a path of discovery and danger.

Internal Goal: 8

Danny's internal goal is to understand and control his psychic abilities, as well as to navigate the mysterious events happening around him. This reflects his deeper need for safety and understanding in a world that is increasingly dangerous and unpredictable.

External Goal: 7

Danny's external goal is to uncover the secrets of the Overlook Hotel and protect himself and his family from any potential harm. This reflects the immediate challenge of surviving in a dangerous environment.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, as Danny grapples with his psychic abilities and the presence of Tony. The tension arises from the unknown and the potential dangers lurking within the Overlook Hotel.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Halloran challenging Danny's beliefs and pushing him to confront his fears. The audience is left unsure of how the interaction will unfold.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are raised as Danny's psychic abilities and the presence of Tony hint at the dangers lurking within the Overlook Hotel. The revelation of supernatural forces increases the risks for the characters and sets the stage for escalating conflict.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward by introducing key supernatural elements, setting up future conflicts and mysteries, and deepening the audience's engagement with the narrative. It lays the groundwork for the escalating tension and horror to come.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the cryptic dialogue and the hints at darker forces at play. The audience is left wondering about the true nature of the characters and the hotel.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the existence of supernatural abilities and the implications of past events affecting the present. It challenges Danny's beliefs about the world and his place in it.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene evokes fear, intrigue, and curiosity in the audience, creating an emotional connection to Danny's plight and the supernatural elements at play. The revelation of Tony adds a layer of complexity and mystery that heightens the emotional impact.

Dialogue: 9.2

The dialogue in the scene is engaging and serves to build tension and intrigue. Halloran's cryptic explanations and Danny's responses create a sense of unease and curiosity, drawing the audience into the supernatural elements of the story.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its mysterious atmosphere, cryptic dialogue, and the slow reveal of supernatural elements. It keeps the audience on edge and wanting to know more.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and revealing information at a steady pace. It keeps the audience engaged and interested in the unfolding events.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and easy to follow, with concise descriptions and effective scene transitions. It adheres to the expected format for its genre.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format that builds tension and reveals information gradually. It sets up future events and character motivations effectively.


Critique
  • The dialogue effectively establishes the connection between Halloran and Danny, introducing the concept of 'shining' in a way that feels organic. However, the scene could benefit from more visual storytelling to complement the dialogue, as the current format relies heavily on dialogue without much action or visual cues.
  • The pacing of the scene feels a bit slow due to the repetitive structure of the dialogue. While the back-and-forth between Halloran and Danny is important, it could be tightened to maintain engagement. Some lines could be combined or omitted to streamline the conversation.
  • The emotional stakes in this scene could be heightened. While Halloran's warnings about Room 237 are significant, the scene lacks a sense of urgency or tension that could make the audience feel the weight of the information being shared. Adding subtle visual cues or changes in Halloran's demeanor could enhance this.
  • Danny's character is portrayed as innocent and curious, but the scene could delve deeper into his emotional state. Adding a moment where Danny expresses fear or confusion about his abilities or the hotel could create a stronger emotional connection with the audience.
  • The transition to 'A MONTH LATER' feels abrupt. While it serves to indicate a time jump, it could be more effectively integrated into the scene. A visual or auditory cue that signifies the passage of time could enhance the transition.
Suggestions
  • Incorporate more visual elements that reflect the emotional tone of the conversation. For example, showing Danny's expressions or Halloran's body language could add depth to their interaction.
  • Consider tightening the dialogue by removing repetitive questions or combining similar lines. This will help maintain the audience's interest and keep the pacing brisk.
  • Introduce a moment of tension or urgency in Halloran's demeanor when discussing Room 237. This could involve him becoming more serious or anxious, which would signal to the audience that there is something truly concerning about the room.
  • Explore Danny's emotional response to Halloran's revelations. A brief moment where he shows fear or uncertainty could enhance the audience's empathy for him and heighten the stakes of the conversation.
  • Rework the transition to 'A MONTH LATER' to make it feel more fluid. Consider using a visual motif or sound that signifies the passage of time, such as a clock ticking or a fade to a different setting before the text appears.



Scene 17 - Morning Reflections at the Overlook
EXT. OVERLOOK HOTEL - DAY - M.L.S.

Hotel. Mountain in b.g.

CUT TO:

INT. OVERLOOK HOTEL - LOBBY - DAY - M.S.

WENDY pushing trolley forward along corridor. CAMERA TRACKS
BACK with her. She turns to cam.L and enters Lobby. CAMERA
TRACKS R-L with her across lobby.

CUT TO:

INT. HOTEL - KITCHEN & LOUNGE - DAY - M.S.

DANNY sitting on tricycle. He pedals out of Kitchen into
Lounge, across it and back into Kitchen.


CAMERA TRACKS FORWARD after him.

CUT TO:

INT. HOTEL - CORRIDOR TO TORRANCE'S APARTMENT - DAY - M.S.

WENDY enters cam.L pushing trolley. She pushes it forward
along corridor. CAMERA PANS L-R with her to door of their
Apartment.

CUT TO:

INT. HOTEL - TORRANCE'S APARTMENT - DAY - M.C.S.

JACK asleep in bed, reflected in mirror. CAMERA TRACKS BACK.
WENDY enters cam.R carrying tray. She walks forward.
CAMERA TRACKS BACK with her. She puts tray down on table.

WENDY
Good Morning, hon. Your breakfast
is ready.

JACK
What time is it?

WENDY
It's about eleven thirty.

CAMERA TRACKS FORWARD to JACK & WENDY reflected in mirror.

JACK
Eleven thirty - Jesus!

WENDY
I guess we've been staying up too
late.

JACK
I know it.

JACK sticks his tongue out. WENDY picks up plate and glass
of orange juice.

WENDY
I made 'em just the way you like
'em, sunny side up.

JACK
Hmm, nice.

WENDY walks forward to JACK and puts plate down cam.L. She
hands him glass of orange juice and he drinks it.


WENDY
It's really pretty outside. How
about taking me for a walk after
you've finished your breakfast?

JACK
Oh I suppose I oughta try to do
some writing first.

He puts empty glass down cam.L and picks up plate of eggs
and bacon.

WENDY
Any ideas yet?

JACK
Lots of ideas. No good ones.

WENDY sits down cam.R.

WENDY
Well, something'll come. It's just
a matter of settling back into the
habit of writing every day.

JACK
Yeah... that's all it is.

JACK starts to eat bacon.

WENDY
It's really nice up here, isn't it?

JACK
I love it. I really do. I've
never been this happy, or
comfortable anywhere.

CUT TO:

M.C.S. WENDY

WENDY
Yeah. It's amazing how fast you
get used to such a big place. I
tell you, when we first came up
here, I thought it was kinda scarey.

WENDY laughs.

CUT TO:

M.C.S. JACK over WENDY.


JACK
I fell in love with it right away.
When I came up here from my
interview, it was as though I had
been here before. We...we all have
moments of deja vu, but this was
ridiculous. It was almost as
though I knew what was going to be
around every corner. Ooohhhhh...

WENDY laughs.

DISSOLVE TO:
Genres: ["Drama","Family"]

Summary In this scene set at the Overlook Hotel, Wendy brings breakfast to her husband Jack, who is struggling with writer's block. They share a warm conversation about their life at the hotel and reflect on their initial impressions of the place. Despite Jack's initial lethargy and reluctance to take a break, their supportive dialogue lightens the mood, culminating in shared laughter and a sense of connection.
Strengths
  • Natural dialogue
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
Weaknesses
  • Lack of significant plot progression
  • Low conflict level

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively establishes the relationship dynamics between Jack and Wendy, sets a cozy and nostalgic tone, and provides insight into their characters and their feelings towards the hotel. The dialogue feels natural and engaging, contributing to the overall warmth of the scene.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of showcasing a morning routine at the hotel provides insight into the characters' daily lives and their relationship dynamics. It sets the stage for further developments in the story.

Plot: 7.5

While the scene doesn't significantly advance the plot, it serves as a crucial moment for character development and relationship building. It adds depth to the story by focusing on the emotional aspects of the characters.

Originality: 8

The scene is original in its portrayal of a couple's intimate conversation in a luxurious yet eerie setting. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and relatable, adding depth to the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The scene excels in portraying the characters of Jack and Wendy, showcasing their love for each other and their contentment at the hotel. Their interactions feel genuine and help the audience connect with them on a deeper level.

Character Changes: 6

While there are no significant character changes in the scene, it deepens the audience's understanding of Jack and Wendy's relationship and their connection to the hotel.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to find inspiration for his writing and to feel content and happy in his surroundings.

External Goal: 7.5

The protagonist's external goal is to try to do some writing before going for a walk with his wife.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 2

The scene lacks significant conflict, focusing more on the characters' daily routine and their emotional connection. The conflict is internal and subtle, adding to the overall warmth of the scene.

Opposition: 7.5

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create conflict and tension, but not so overwhelming that the outcome is predictable. The characters' struggles and challenges add depth to the scene.

High Stakes: 3

The stakes in the scene are relatively low, focusing more on the characters' personal lives and relationships. The emphasis is on emotional connection rather than external conflicts.

Story Forward: 6

The scene doesn't move the main plot forward significantly but provides essential character development and sets the tone for future events. It enriches the overall narrative by focusing on the emotional aspects of the story.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the subtle conflicts and tensions between the characters, as well as the mysterious and eerie atmosphere of the hotel that hints at darker events to come.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

There is a philosophical conflict between the protagonist's feelings of comfort and happiness in the hotel and his struggles to find inspiration for his writing.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene evokes a strong emotional response from the audience, drawing them into the characters' world and their feelings towards each other and the hotel. It creates a sense of warmth and nostalgia.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene is natural, engaging, and reflective of the characters' personalities. It effectively conveys their emotions and thoughts, adding depth to their relationship.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the intimate and emotional interactions between the characters, the mysterious and eerie setting of the hotel, and the subtle tension between the protagonist's internal and external goals.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and suspense, as well as in developing the characters' relationships and motivations through dialogue and action.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings, action lines, and dialogue formatting that make it easy to read and visualize.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear transitions between different locations and well-paced dialogue that advances the plot and develops the characters.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes a sense of normalcy and routine in the Torrance family's life at the Overlook Hotel, which contrasts with the impending horror. However, the dialogue feels somewhat expository and lacks subtext. While it conveys information about their daily life, it doesn't delve deeply into the characters' emotional states or the underlying tension that may be brewing beneath the surface.
  • Wendy's dialogue is supportive and nurturing, but it could benefit from more complexity. As the story progresses, her character should reflect a growing sense of unease or concern about Jack's behavior and the isolation they are experiencing. This could be subtly woven into her conversation, hinting at her worries without overtly stating them.
  • Jack's character is portrayed as content and relaxed, which is effective for this moment. However, the mention of his writing could be expanded to include more about his struggles or frustrations, foreshadowing the psychological unraveling that will occur later. This would create a stronger connection between his current state and the eventual descent into madness.
  • The use of the mirror to reflect both characters is visually interesting but could be enhanced by incorporating more symbolic elements. For instance, the reflection could show a sense of duality or foreshadow the split between Jack's facade of happiness and his inner turmoil.
  • The pacing of the scene is steady, but it could benefit from moments of tension or unease. Perhaps incorporating subtle sound design or visual cues that hint at the hotel's eerie atmosphere would enhance the sense of foreboding. This could be achieved through ambient sounds or brief glimpses of unsettling imagery in the background.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding subtext to the dialogue that hints at Wendy's growing concerns about Jack and their situation. This could be done through her tone or by including small, anxious gestures that suggest her unease.
  • Expand on Jack's writing struggles by incorporating a line or two that reflects his frustration or self-doubt. This would create a stronger link between his current contentment and the psychological breakdown that follows.
  • Enhance the visual storytelling by using the mirror not just for reflection but to symbolize the duality of Jack's character. Perhaps show a fleeting moment where his expression changes, hinting at the darkness within.
  • Introduce subtle elements of tension or unease in the background, such as distant sounds or visual cues that suggest the hotel's ominous nature. This could help build suspense and foreshadow the horror to come.
  • Consider varying the pacing by including brief pauses or moments of silence that allow the audience to absorb the characters' emotions and the atmosphere of the hotel, creating a more immersive experience.



Scene 18 - Playful Pursuits and Solitary Reflections
INT. HOTEL - LOUNGE - DAY - M.S.

Typewriter with sheet of paper in it. CAMERA TRACKS BACK
and TILTS UP onto JACK throwing ball against wall.

CUT TO:

M.S. JACK back to camera throwing ball against wall.

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. HOTEL - MAZE - DAY - M.L.S.

WENDY running after DANNY from Hotel to Maze - CAMERA PANS
L-R & TRACKS with them to entrance to Maze.

WENDY
The loser has to keep American
clean, how's that?

DANNY
All right.

WENDY
And you're gonna lose. And I'm
gonna get you - you betta run fast!
Look out - I'm coming in close.
All right?

DANNY & WENDY run into Maze. CAMERA TRACKS L-R onto plan of
Maze on board.

DANNY (OFF)
You'll have to keep America clean.

CUT TO:


INT. MAZE - DAY - M.S.

DANNY & WENDY walking forward in Maze - CAMERA TRACKS BACK
before them.

WENDY
Okay Danny, you win. Let's take
the rest of this walking, huh?

DANNY
Okay...oh!

WENDY
Give me your hand. Oh, isn't it
beautiful.

DANNY
Yeah.

CUT TO:

M.S. WENDY & DANNY backs to camera walking away through
Maze - CAMERA TRACKS FORWARD after them.

WENDY
Here's a dead end.

WENDY & DANNY turn at dead end and walk away along Maze.
CAMERA TRACKS after them.

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. HOTEL - LOBBY - DAY - M.L.S.

JACK back to camera bounces ball on floor and catches it.
Then he throws it away to b.g. He walks away to model of
Maze on table by window. CAMERA TRACKS FORWARD after him.
He stops by model and leans on table.

CUT TO:

M.S. Shooting over model of Maze on table to JACK looking
down at it.

CUT TO:

M.C.S. JACK looking down.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Horror","Family","Drama"]

Summary In a hotel setting, Wendy and Danny engage in a playful chase through an outdoor maze, filled with laughter and light-hearted banter. Wendy teases Danny about a game, while both express joy in their exploration. Meanwhile, Jack is seen in the hotel lobby, bouncing a ball and later contemplating a model of the maze, highlighting a contrast between his solitary demeanor and the joyful interaction of Wendy and Danny.
Strengths
  • Effective use of setting in the maze
  • Dynamic character interactions
  • Engaging tone shifts
Weaknesses
  • Low conflict level
  • Limited plot progression

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 7.5

The scene effectively combines elements of tension, playfulness, and reflection, creating a dynamic and engaging sequence.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the maze game serves as a metaphor for the family dynamics and the challenges they face within the hotel setting.

Plot: 7

The plot progression in this scene focuses more on character interactions and development rather than advancing the overall narrative significantly.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a unique setting of a maze within a hotel, and the characters' interactions feel authentic and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-developed, with distinct personalities and motivations that drive their actions in the scene.

Character Changes: 6

While there are subtle shifts in character dynamics, significant changes are not prominently featured in this scene.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to have fun and enjoy the moment with Wendy, reflecting a desire for connection and playfulness.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to navigate through the maze with Wendy and have a good time, reflecting the immediate challenge of finding their way through the maze.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 5

The conflict in this scene is relatively low, focusing more on the family bonding and exploration of the maze.

Opposition: 6

The opposition in the scene is moderate, with the challenge of navigating the maze adding tension and uncertainty to the characters' journey.

High Stakes: 4

The stakes in this scene are relatively low, focusing more on family bonding and exploration rather than intense conflict or danger.

Story Forward: 6

The scene contributes to the overall atmosphere and character development but does not propel the main plot forward significantly.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the characters' spontaneous actions and the unexpected twists in navigating the maze.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

There is a philosophical conflict between the characters' playful banter and the challenge of navigating through the maze, which challenges the protagonist's beliefs about competition and cooperation.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a moderate emotional response through the interactions between characters and the reflective moments in the maze.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue serves the purpose of establishing relationships and dynamics between the characters, but could benefit from more depth and complexity.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the dynamic interactions between the characters, the sense of adventure in navigating the maze, and the playful tone throughout.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a good balance of dialogue, action, and visual storytelling that keeps the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings and descriptions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with distinct locations and character interactions, contributing to the overall flow of the narrative.


Critique
  • The scene effectively contrasts the playful interaction between Wendy and Danny in the maze with Jack's solitary activity in the hotel lounge. This juxtaposition highlights the emotional distance growing between the family members, which is a central theme of the screenplay.
  • The dialogue between Wendy and Danny is light-hearted and captures the innocence of their relationship, but it could benefit from more subtext. Adding a hint of underlying tension or foreshadowing could enhance the emotional stakes, especially given the darker themes of the story.
  • The transitions between the maze and the hotel lounge are visually interesting, but the scene could use more dynamic camera movements or angles to heighten the sense of playfulness and urgency in the chase. The current tracking shots feel somewhat static and could be more engaging.
  • The scene lacks a clear conflict or tension, which is essential in maintaining audience engagement. While the playful chase is enjoyable, introducing a subtle sense of foreboding or a hint of Jack's growing instability could create a more compelling narrative arc.
  • The use of dissolves between scenes is effective in creating a dreamlike quality, but it may also disrupt the pacing. Consider using cuts instead of dissolves to maintain a more immediate connection between the playful moments and Jack's isolation.
Suggestions
  • Incorporate subtle hints of Jack's psychological decline during Wendy and Danny's playful chase. For example, include a moment where Jack's laughter is heard faintly in the background, contrasting with the joy of Wendy and Danny.
  • Add a line or two of dialogue that suggests Wendy's awareness of Jack's mood or behavior, which could foreshadow the tension to come. This could be a casual remark about how Jack has been acting differently since they arrived at the hotel.
  • Experiment with more dynamic camera movements during the chase scene in the maze. Consider using handheld shots or quick cuts to create a sense of urgency and excitement, reflecting the children's energy.
  • Introduce a moment of hesitation or fear from Danny as they explore the maze, perhaps triggered by a distant sound or a fleeting shadow, to create a sense of unease that contrasts with the playful atmosphere.
  • Consider ending the scene with a more impactful visual or auditory cue that hints at the impending danger, such as a sudden gust of wind that rustles the leaves or a distant echo of Jack's voice, to bridge the playful moment with the darker themes of the story.



Scene 19 - A Beautiful Maze and Ominous News
EXT. MAZE - DAY - L.S.

High Angle shooting down on Maze. WENDY & DANNY move
through it. CAMERA TRACKS DOWN on Maze.


WENDY
Oh what a Maze. Isn't it beautiful.

DANNY
Yeah.

CUT TO:

M.S. DANNY & WENDY walk forward through Maze - CAMERA TRACKS
BACK before them.

WENDY
It's so pretty.

DANNY
Yeah.

WENDY
I didn't think it was going to be
this big, did you?

DANNY
No.

CUT TO:

BLACK FRAMES.

Superimposition over:

TUESDAY.

CUT TO:

EXT. HOTEL - DUSK - M.L.S.

Hotel. Mountain in b.g.

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. HOTEL - KITCHEN - DUSK - M.C.S.

WENDY's hands taking lid of can. CAMERA TRACKS BACK to
table with portable T.V. Set on it. The set is switched on.

WOMAN ANNOUNCER (OFF)
Rutherford was serving a life
sentence for his conviction in the
1968 shooting and the search
continues in the mountains near
Uray today for that missing Aspen
woman,

WENDY carries tin to bowl on table.


WOMAN ANNOUNCER (CONT'D)
twenty-four year old Susan Robertson
has been missing ten days. She
disappeared while on a hunting trip
with her husband. They have good
weather right now, but they may
have to call off the search if the
predicted snowstorm moves in
tomorrow.

Picture on T.V. Set changes to MAN & WOMAN.

WOMAN ANNOUNCER
But it's so beautiful here in
Denver today, it's hard to believe
a snowstorm could be that close.

MAN ANNOUNCER
I know. I want to go outside and
lie in the sun. Yet to our north,
to our west, it is snowing and
cold, and it's moving

SOUND OF CLICKS.

MAN ANNOUNCER (CONT'D)
right here towards Colorado, right
now as we talk. It's incredible.

WOMAN ANNOUNCER
I know.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary Wendy and Danny explore a stunning maze, marveling at its beauty and size. The scene shifts to a hotel kitchen where Wendy prepares food while a news report on a portable TV discusses a missing woman and an approaching snowstorm, introducing a sense of unease that contrasts with their earlier wonder.
Strengths
  • Effective exploration of the maze
  • Natural character interactions
  • Incorporation of news broadcast for tension
Weaknesses
  • Low conflict level
  • Lack of significant character development

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively captures the sense of exploration and wonder as Wendy and Danny navigate the maze, contrasting their experience with the potential dangers mentioned in the news broadcast. The mix of curiosity, playfulness, and appreciation creates a compelling atmosphere.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring the maze while juxtaposing it with the news broadcast creates an intriguing dynamic that adds depth to the scene. It effectively blends elements of wonder, tension, and appreciation.

Plot: 8

While the scene primarily focuses on the exploration of the maze, it subtly introduces elements of tension through the news broadcast, hinting at potential dangers in the surrounding area. This adds layers to the plot and sets up future developments.

Originality: 7

The scene introduces a familiar setting, a maze, but adds a twist by focusing on the characters' mundane interactions within it. The authenticity of the characters' dialogue adds a layer of originality to the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

Wendy and Danny's characters are well-developed in this scene, showcasing their sense of wonder, playfulness, and appreciation for their surroundings. Their interactions feel authentic and engaging, adding depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 6

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, it does showcase Wendy and Danny's personalities and their dynamic as they explore the maze. Their interactions reveal more about their relationship and individual traits.

Internal Goal: 6

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to navigate the maze and possibly bond with the other character, Wendy. This reflects their deeper need for connection and exploration.

External Goal: 5

The protagonist's external goal is to find their way out of the maze and possibly discover something hidden within it. This reflects the immediate challenge they are facing in the scene.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

While there is a subtle undercurrent of tension introduced through the news broadcast, the scene primarily focuses on exploration and appreciation. The conflict is more atmospheric than overt.

Opposition: 6

The opposition in the scene is moderate, with hints of potential danger or conflict within the maze that create uncertainty and suspense for the characters.

High Stakes: 5

The stakes in this scene are relatively low, focusing more on exploration and appreciation rather than immediate danger or conflict. However, the mention of potential dangers in the news broadcast hints at higher stakes to come.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by establishing the characters' current state and setting up potential conflicts or developments hinted at in the news broadcast. It adds depth to the narrative and foreshadows future events.

Unpredictability: 6

This scene is unpredictable because it introduces elements of danger and unknown within the seemingly ordinary setting of the maze, keeping the audience on edge.

Philosophical Conflict: 4

There is a philosophical conflict between the characters' desire for exploration and the potential danger or unknown elements within the maze. This challenges their beliefs about adventure and risk-taking.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7.5

The scene evokes a sense of wonder and curiosity, drawing the audience into Wendy and Danny's exploration of the maze. The contrast between their enjoyment and the potential dangers mentioned in the news broadcast adds emotional depth.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue in the scene is natural and reflective of the characters' personalities, with Wendy and Danny expressing their thoughts and observations as they explore the maze. The news broadcast adds an additional layer of dialogue that enhances the overall atmosphere.

Engagement: 7

This scene is engaging because it creates a sense of tension and mystery within the mundane activities of the characters, keeping the audience curious about what will happen next.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and suspense, with a gradual reveal of information through dialogue and actions that keeps the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is consistent with the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings and descriptions that help visualize the setting and characters.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with distinct locations and transitions, which enhances the pacing and readability of the screenplay.


Critique
  • The scene begins with a high-angle shot of the maze, which effectively establishes the setting and creates a sense of scale. However, the dialogue between Wendy and Danny lacks depth and could benefit from more emotional resonance. Their exchanges feel somewhat repetitive and simplistic, which may not fully engage the audience.
  • The transition from the maze to the kitchen is abrupt, and the cut to black frames followed by a superimposition feels disjointed. This could confuse the audience and disrupt the flow of the narrative. A smoother transition that maintains the tension or thematic connection between the two locations would enhance the scene.
  • The news report playing on the portable TV introduces a sense of foreboding, but it could be more effectively integrated into the scene. The dialogue from the announcers is informative but lacks a direct connection to Wendy and Danny's experience in the maze. Consider using the news report to reflect or contrast their situation, heightening the tension.
  • Wendy's actions in the kitchen are visually engaging, but the scene could benefit from more sensory details to immerse the audience. Describing the sounds, smells, or textures of the kitchen environment would enhance the atmosphere and make the scene more vivid.
  • The dialogue in the maze scene is functional but lacks subtext. Adding layers to their conversation could reveal more about their relationship and individual characters. For example, Wendy could express her hopes or fears about their time at the hotel, while Danny could show more awareness of the underlying tension.
Suggestions
  • Revise the dialogue between Wendy and Danny to include more emotional depth and complexity. Consider incorporating their thoughts or feelings about the hotel or their family dynamics to create a richer interaction.
  • Create a more seamless transition between the maze and the kitchen. Instead of a cut to black, consider a visual or thematic link that connects the two scenes, such as a lingering shot of the maze that fades into the kitchen.
  • Enhance the integration of the news report by making it more relevant to Wendy and Danny's situation. For instance, you could have Wendy react to the news in a way that reflects her own fears or concerns about their isolation in the hotel.
  • Add sensory details to the kitchen scene to create a more immersive experience. Describe the sounds of the kitchen, the aroma of the food, or the visual clutter to make the setting feel more alive.
  • Incorporate subtext into the dialogue to reveal character motivations and tensions. This could involve Wendy expressing her worries about Jack or Danny hinting at his own fears, creating a more layered and engaging scene.



Scene 20 - Tensions in the Overlook
INT. OVERLOOK HOTEL - CORRIDORS - M.S.

DANNY back to camera on tricycle pedals away along
corridors - CAMERA TRACKS after him. He looks at door cam.L
and slows down, stopping.

CUT TO:

M.S. DANNY in f.g. Number 237 on door in b.g.

CUT TO:

M.C.S. DANNY looking at number.

CUT TO:

M.S. DANNY in f.g. Number 237 on door in b.g.

CUT TO:


M.L.S. Corridor. DANNY in f.g. gets off tricycle, and moves
R-L to door of room 237. He looks up at number - then
reaches out to door handle and turns it. Door doesn't open.
He looks up at number.

CUT TO:

M.S. Two GRADY Girls holding hands.

CUT TO:

M.S. DANNY looking up at number on door. He moves L-R to
his tricycle. CAMERA PANS with him. He sits on tricycle
and pedals fast away along corridor.

CUT TO:

INT. HOTEL - LOUNGE - NIGHT - M.L.S.

Lounge. JACK sitting back to camera typing at table.
CAMERA TRACKS FORWARD onto him.

CUT TO:

M.C.S. JACK typing.

CUT TO:

M.L.S. JACK back to camera typing at table in f.g. WENDY
enters cam.R.b.g. and walks forward to JACK.

WENDY
Hi, hon. How's it going?

WENDY stops cam.R of him. JACK pulls page from typewriter.

JACK
Fine.

WENDY kisses him.

WENDY
Get a lot written today?

CUT TO:

M.S. JACK looking up cam.L at WENDY.

JACK
Yes.

CUT TO:

M.C.S. WENDY


WENDY
Hey, the weather forecast said it's
going to snow tonight.

CUT TO:

M.S. JACK looking up cam.L at WENDY.

JACK
What do you want me to do about it?

CUT TO:

M.C.S. WENDY

WENDY
Ah, come on hon. Don't be so
grouchy.

CUT TO:

M.S. JACK looking up cam.L at WENDY.

JACK
I'm not being grouchy. I just want
to finish my work.

CUT TO:

M.C.S. WENDY

WENDY
Okay. I understand. I'll come
back later on with a couple of
sandwiches for you and... maybe
you'll let me read something then.

CUT TO:

M.C.S. JACK.

JACK
Wendy,
(clears throat)
let me explain something to you.
Whenever you come in here and
interrupt me, you're breaking my
concentration.

JACK hits his forehead with his hand.

JACK (CONT'D)
you're distracting me,


He picks up sheet of paper and tears it up. Then he throws
the pieces down.

JACK (CONT'D)
and it will then take me time to
get back to where I was, understand?

CUT TO:

M.C.S. WENDY.

WENDY
Yes.

CUT TO:

M.C.S. JACK

JACK
Fine. Now we're going to make a
new rule. Whenever I am in here
and you hear me typing,

JACK taps typewriter keys.

JACK (CONT'D)
or whether you don't hear me
typing, whatever the fuck you hear
me doing in here, when I am in here
that means that I am working - that
means don't come in. Now do you
think you can handle that?

CUT TO:

M.C.S. WENDY

WENDY
Yes.

CUT TO:

M.C.S. JACK

JACK
Fine. Why don't you start right
now and get the fuck out of here,
hmm?

CUT TO:

M.C.S. WENDY.


WENDY
Okay.

CUT TO:

M.L.S. WENDY standing cam.R of JACK back to camera sitting
at table. She turns and walks away to b.g. CAMERA TRACKS
BACK.

CUT TO:

M.S. JACK starts to type.

CUT TO:

Black Frames.

Superimposition over:

THURSDAY.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Horror","Psychological Thriller"]

Summary In the eerie corridors of the Overlook Hotel, Danny rides his tricycle and curiously approaches room 237 but quickly pedals away when he can't open the door. Meanwhile, in the hotel lounge, Jack is deeply focused on his writing when Wendy enters, attempting to engage him in conversation. Their interaction reveals underlying tension, as Jack becomes increasingly frustrated with her interruptions, ultimately asserting a new rule that she should not disturb him while he works. This leads to a heated exchange, resulting in Wendy leaving the room, highlighting the strain in their relationship as Jack returns to his typing, isolated and absorbed in his work.
Strengths
  • Building tension
  • Strong character dynamics
  • Effective dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Lack of external action
  • Limited visual variety

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively builds tension and sets the tone for the psychological thriller aspect of the film. The conflict between Jack and Wendy adds depth to their characters and foreshadows future events.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene focuses on the deteriorating relationship between Jack and Wendy, setting the stage for the psychological horror elements of the film. The scene effectively establishes the internal conflict within Jack.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene revolves around the strained interaction between Jack and Wendy, hinting at the escalating tension and conflict that will unfold later in the story. It sets up important character dynamics and foreshadows future events.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh take on the haunted hotel setting, with unique character interactions and a sense of impending danger.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Jack and Wendy are well-developed in this scene, with their conflicting personalities and motivations driving the narrative forward. Jack's frustration and isolation are palpable, while Wendy's attempts to connect with him add depth to her character.

Character Changes: 8

Both Jack and Wendy undergo subtle changes in this scene, with Jack's frustration and isolation becoming more pronounced, and Wendy's attempts to connect with him revealing her resilience and determination. These changes set the stage for their character arcs.

Internal Goal: 8

Danny's internal goal is to explore the hotel and uncover its secrets, reflecting his curiosity and bravery.

External Goal: 7

Danny's external goal is to investigate room 237, which reflects the immediate challenge he faces in the hotel.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between Jack and Wendy is intense and palpable in this scene, adding a sense of unease and tension to the narrative. Their conflicting desires and emotions create a high level of internal conflict that drives the story forward.

Opposition: 8

The opposition between Jack and Wendy creates a strong conflict that drives the scene forward.

High Stakes: 8

The high stakes in the scene revolve around the deteriorating relationship between Jack and Wendy, hinting at the potential for conflict and danger within the isolated hotel setting. The escalating tension raises the stakes for the characters.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by establishing key character dynamics, foreshadowing future events, and setting the tone for the psychological horror elements of the film. It lays the groundwork for the narrative to unfold.

Unpredictability: 8

The scene is unpredictable due to the shifting dynamics between characters and the unknown dangers lurking in the hotel.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict is between Jack's need for solitude and focus on his work, and Wendy's desire for attention and connection.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene has a strong emotional impact, evoking feelings of tension, anxiety, and frustration in the audience. The deteriorating relationship between Jack and Wendy elicits a sense of unease and sets the tone for the psychological horror to come.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the growing tension between Jack and Wendy, showcasing their conflicting emotions and motivations. It adds layers to their characters and sets the tone for future interactions.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its tense interactions between characters and the sense of mystery surrounding the hotel.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene builds tension effectively, with a gradual escalation of conflict between characters.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions.

Structure: 9

The scene follows a clear structure with well-defined character actions and dialogue sequences.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes tension between Jack and Wendy, showcasing Jack's growing frustration and Wendy's attempts to connect with him. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext to enhance the emotional stakes. Currently, it feels somewhat on-the-nose, particularly Jack's abruptness and Wendy's responses.
  • The pacing of the scene is uneven. While the initial interaction is engaging, Jack's tirade about concentration feels drawn out and could be tightened to maintain the audience's engagement. The repetition of 'cut to' transitions can disrupt the flow; consider using fewer cuts to create a more immersive experience.
  • The visual storytelling is somewhat lacking. While the camera movements track the characters, there could be more emphasis on their physicality and expressions to convey the emotional weight of the conversation. For instance, close-ups on Wendy's face during Jack's outburst could highlight her hurt and confusion.
  • Jack's character is portrayed as increasingly aggressive, but the escalation could be more gradual. Adding moments of hesitation or internal conflict could make his transformation more believable and impactful. This would also allow the audience to empathize with him, even as he becomes more hostile.
  • The scene ends abruptly after a significant confrontation. A moment of silence or a lingering shot on Wendy's reaction could enhance the emotional impact and give the audience time to process the tension before transitioning to the next scene.
Suggestions
  • Incorporate subtext into the dialogue to convey deeper emotions and motivations. For example, instead of Jack explicitly stating his frustration, he could express it through more nuanced language or body language.
  • Consider reducing the number of 'cut to' transitions to create a smoother flow. Use longer takes to allow the audience to absorb the tension and emotional dynamics between the characters.
  • Utilize close-ups and reaction shots to emphasize the emotional stakes. Show Wendy's hurt and confusion during Jack's outburst to create a stronger connection with the audience.
  • Gradually build Jack's aggression by including moments of internal conflict or hesitation. This will make his eventual outburst feel more earned and relatable.
  • End the scene with a lingering shot on Wendy's face or a moment of silence to allow the audience to feel the weight of the confrontation before moving on to the next scene.



Scene 21 - Winter Whimsy and Worries
EXT. HOTEL - DAY - M.L.S.

WENDY running R-L being chased by DANNY carrying snowballs.
AD LIB SHOUTS & LAUGHTER. CAMERA TRACKS R-L with them past
Hotel in b.g.

WENDY
I know you've got some.

CUT TO:

INT. HOTEL - LOUNGE - DAY - M.S.

JACK at window watching WENDY & DANNY playing in the snow.
CAMERA TRACKS IN to M.C.S.

CUT TO:

BLACK FRAMES.

Superimposition over:

SATURDAY

CUT TO:

EXT. HOTEL - DAY - M.L.S.

HOTEL in b.g. Trees and snow in f.g.

CUT TO:


INT. HOTEL - LOUNGE - DAY - M.L.S.

High Angle JACK sitting at table in b.g. typing.

CUT TO:

INT. HOTEL - LOBBY & OFFICE - DAY - M.S.

WENDY standing at switchboard with headset on her L.ear and
putting plugs into switchboard.

WENDY
Oh no!

WENDY puts socket into various plugs.

WENDY
I knew it!

WENDY puts headset and plug down and turns away from
switchboard. She walks R-L to door.

CUT TO:

M.L.S. WENDY walks out of switchboard - round counter and
moves forward R-L across Lobby. CAMERA TRACKS BACK before
her. She moves R-L into Office. CAMERA PANS with her. She
stops at radio set and switches it on. She pulls microphone
towards her.

WENDY
(into mike)
This is KDK 12 calling KDK 1.

CUT TO:

INT. RANGER'S OFFICE - M.L.S.

RANGER seated at radio cam.L. MAN standing at filing
cabinet cam.R. GIRL seated at desk cam.R.

WENDY (OFF)
(over radio)
KDK 12 to KDK 1.

RANGER
(into mike)
This is KDK 1. We're receiving you.
Over.

CUT TO:


INT. HOTEL - OFFICE - DAY - M.S.

WENDY picks up microphone.

WENDY
(into mike)
Hi. This is Wendy Torrance at the
Overlook Hotel.

CUT TO:

INT. RANGER'S OFFICE - DAY - M.S.

RANGER seated at radio speaking into mike.

RANGER
(into mike)
Hi. How are you folks getting on
up there? Over.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary Wendy and Danny enjoy a playful moment in the snow, laughing as Danny chases her with snowballs. Meanwhile, Jack watches them from the hotel lounge, reflecting on the scene. The mood shifts as Wendy moves to the hotel lobby, where she works at a switchboard, expressing concern while trying to connect with the ranger's office. After some struggle, she successfully establishes communication, highlighting a connection to the outside world.
Strengths
  • Effective balance of tones
  • Strong character interactions
  • Subtle tension building
Weaknesses
  • Lack of overt conflict
  • Limited character development in this specific scene

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively balances moments of light-heartedness with underlying tension, providing insight into the characters' relationships and setting up potential conflicts.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring family dynamics through contrasting moments of playfulness and tension is well-executed, providing depth to the characters and setting up potential conflicts.

Plot: 8

The plot progresses by revealing the family dynamics and tensions within the Torrance family, setting the stage for potential conflicts and character development.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a unique setting and situation, combining elements of playfulness and isolation to create a fresh and engaging dynamic.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters are well-developed through their interactions in the scene, showcasing their relationships and individual traits effectively.

Character Changes: 7

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the interactions hint at potential developments and growth for the characters.

Internal Goal: 8

Wendy's internal goal is to have fun and enjoy the moment, reflecting her desire for happiness and connection with her family.

External Goal: 7.5

Wendy's external goal is to communicate with the ranger's office via radio, reflecting the need for communication and safety in the isolated hotel setting.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict is subtly hinted at through the underlying tension between Jack and Wendy, adding depth to the scene without overt conflict.

Opposition: 7.5

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create tension and uncertainty, especially in the contrast between the playful chase and the serious communication.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes are relatively low in this scene, focusing more on character dynamics and relationships rather than immediate high-stakes conflicts.

Story Forward: 7

The scene sets up the dynamics and tensions within the Torrance family, laying the groundwork for future plot developments and conflicts.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected radio communication and the contrast between the playful chase and the serious communication.

Philosophical Conflict: 6.5

There is a subtle philosophical conflict between the safety and isolation of the hotel setting and the desire for connection and communication with the outside world.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene elicits a range of emotions, from playfulness to tension, engaging the audience in the dynamics of the Torrance family.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue effectively conveys the dynamics between the characters, with a mix of playful banter and underlying tension adding depth to the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the playful chase sequence, the use of visual storytelling, and the dynamic interactions between characters.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and excitement during the chase sequence, and then slowing down to focus on the radio communication.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear and concise descriptions of actions and dialogue.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear and engaging structure, with smooth transitions between different locations and characters.


Critique
  • The scene effectively contrasts the playful interaction between Wendy and Danny with Jack's more isolated and contemplative state. This juxtaposition highlights the emotional distance growing between the family members, which is a crucial theme in the story. However, the transition between the playful chase and Jack's introspection could be more fluid to enhance the emotional impact.
  • The dialogue in the scene is minimal, which works well for the playful chase but could benefit from more character-driven lines that reveal Wendy and Danny's personalities. Adding a few playful exchanges or teasing remarks could deepen their bond and make the scene feel more vibrant.
  • The use of superimposition to indicate the day of the week is a creative choice, but it may disrupt the flow of the scene. Instead of cutting to black frames, consider integrating the day indication into the visual storytelling, perhaps through a calendar or a clock in the background, to maintain the momentum.
  • The scene transitions between different locations (the hotel lounge, lobby, and office) but lacks a clear visual or thematic connection between these spaces. Establishing a stronger visual motif or thematic element that ties these locations together could enhance the coherence of the scene.
  • Wendy's actions at the switchboard and radio set are crucial for building tension, but they feel somewhat abrupt. Expanding on her emotional state during these moments could add depth to her character and create a stronger sense of urgency as she tries to communicate with the ranger.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding playful dialogue between Wendy and Danny during their snowball chase to enhance their relationship and make the scene feel more lively.
  • Integrate the superimposition of the day into the scene more seamlessly, perhaps by showing a calendar or a clock in the background instead of cutting to black frames.
  • Enhance the transitions between locations by using visual motifs, such as tracking shots that connect the spaces or thematic elements that reflect the family's emotional state.
  • Expand on Wendy's emotional state as she interacts with the switchboard and radio, perhaps showing her growing concern or frustration to build tension in the scene.
  • Ensure that the contrast between the playful exterior and Jack's introspective interior is more fluid, perhaps by using sound design or visual cues that link the two experiences.



Scene 22 - Storm Communication
INT. HOTEL - OFFICE - DAY - M.S.

WENDY, holding mike, seated on cabinet with foot up on desk.

WENDY
(into mike)
Oh we're just fine, but our
telephones don't seem to be doing
too well. Are the lines down by
any chance? Over.

CUT TO:

INT. RANGER'S OFFICE - DAY - M.S.

RANGER seated at radio, speaking into mike.

RANGER
(into mike)
Yes. Quite a few of them are down,
due to the storm. Over.

WENDY
(over radio)
Any chance of them being repaired
soon? Over.

RANGER
(into mike)
Well, I wouldn't like to say. Most
winters they stay that way until
spring. Over.

CUT TO:


INT. HOTEL - OFFICE - DAY - M.S.

WENDY, holding mike, seated on cabinet with foot up on desk.

WENDY
(into mike)
Boy, this storm is really something,
isn't it? Over.

CUT TO:

INT. RANGER'S OFFICE - DAY - M.S.

RANGER sitting at radio - speaking into mike.

RANGER
(into mike)
Oh yes. It's one of the worst
we've had for years. Is there
anything else we can do for you,
Mrs. Torrance? Over.

CUT TO:

INT. HOTEL - OFFICE - DAY - M.S.

WENDY holding mike seated on cabinet with foot up on desk.

WENDY
(into mike)
I suppose not. Over.

CUT TO:

INT. RANGER'S OFFICE - DAY - M.S.

RANGER seated at radio - speaking into mike.

RANGER
(into mike)
Well, if you folks have any problems
up there just give us a call, and
Mrs. Torrance.

CUT TO:

INT. HOTEL - OFFICE - DAY - M.S.

WENDY holding mike - seated on cabinet with one foot up on
desk.


RANGER
(over radio)
I think it might be a good idea if
you leave your radio on all the
time now. Over.

WENDY
(into mike)
Okay. We'll do that. It was real
nice talking to you. Bye. Over
and Out.

WENDY puts down mike.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In a hotel office during a severe winter storm, Wendy communicates with a ranger via radio about the downed telephone lines. The ranger informs her that repairs may not occur until spring, highlighting the storm's severity. They share friendly pleasantries, and the ranger advises Wendy to keep the radio on for emergencies. The scene concludes with Wendy expressing gratitude and signing off, reflecting a tense yet cordial atmosphere amidst the ongoing crisis.
Strengths
  • Effective use of radio communication to convey isolation and external challenges
  • Realistic portrayal of character concern and determination
Weaknesses
  • Lack of significant emotional depth
  • Limited character development

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 7.5

The scene effectively conveys the tension and concern of the characters through the radio communication, setting up the isolation and potential danger due to the storm. However, the sentiment remains neutral, lacking emotional depth.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of using radio communication to highlight the isolation and external challenges faced by the characters during the storm is well-executed, adding depth to the narrative.

Plot: 7

The plot in this scene revolves around the communication between Wendy and the ranger's office, setting up the isolation and potential dangers due to the storm. However, it lacks significant progression.

Originality: 8

The scene offers a fresh approach to depicting communication challenges during a storm, with authentic dialogue and realistic character actions.


Character Development

Characters: 7

The characters, especially Wendy, are portrayed realistically in their concern and attempts to communicate with the outside world. However, there is limited character development in this particular scene.

Character Changes: 6

There is minimal character change in this scene, with Wendy showcasing her concern and determination to communicate with the ranger's office. However, there is limited growth or development.

Internal Goal: 8

Wendy's internal goal is to maintain composure and stay connected with the outside world despite the storm and communication issues. This reflects her need for reassurance and safety.

External Goal: 7

Wendy's external goal is to ensure that the communication lines are repaired and to stay informed about the situation outside the hotel. This reflects the immediate challenge of being isolated during a storm.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

The conflict in this scene is minimal, primarily revolving around the communication challenges faced by the characters due to the storm. There is a sense of tension but not significant conflict.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create conflict and uncertainty, adding depth to the characters' interactions.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are moderately high in this scene, as the characters face communication challenges and potential dangers due to the storm. However, the immediate threat is not fully realized.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by highlighting the isolation and external challenges faced by the characters due to the storm. It sets up potential conflicts and dangers for the narrative to unfold.

Unpredictability: 6

This scene is unpredictable because the audience is unsure of how the communication issues will be resolved and how the characters will navigate the storm.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

There is a subtle philosophical conflict between Wendy's desire for communication and the Ranger's realistic view of the situation. This challenges Wendy's belief in immediate solutions and highlights the Ranger's practical approach.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6.5

The scene has a moderate emotional impact, primarily driven by the concern and tension portrayed by the characters, especially Wendy. However, it lacks significant emotional depth.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue effectively conveys the tension and concern of the characters, especially Wendy, as they communicate with the ranger's office. However, there is room for more emotional depth in the dialogue.

Engagement: 8

This scene is engaging because it creates tension through the communication challenges and highlights the characters' resilience in the face of adversity.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining tension and moving the story forward at a steady pace.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings and character actions described effectively.

Structure: 9

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear transitions between locations and concise dialogue that drives the narrative forward.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes a sense of isolation and urgency through the dialogue between Wendy and the Ranger. However, the repetitive structure of the exchanges can feel monotonous, which may detract from the tension that the storm is meant to evoke.
  • Wendy's character is portrayed as proactive and concerned, but the scene lacks emotional depth. The dialogue is functional but doesn't reveal much about her internal state or the stakes involved in the situation. Adding more emotional weight could enhance the viewer's connection to her plight.
  • The use of 'Over' at the end of each line is a nice touch that adds authenticity to the radio communication, but it can also feel overly formal and stilted. This could be adjusted to make the dialogue feel more natural and less scripted.
  • The scene transitions between the hotel office and the ranger's office are clear, but they could benefit from more visual variety. Consider incorporating more dynamic camera movements or visual cues that emphasize the distance and isolation between the two locations.
  • The scene ends rather abruptly after Wendy puts down the mic. A more gradual transition or a moment of reflection from Wendy could provide a stronger emotional conclusion and set the stage for the next scene.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment where Wendy expresses her fears or concerns about the storm, which would provide insight into her character and heighten the tension.
  • Introduce a sense of urgency by having the Ranger mention specific dangers related to the storm, such as potential avalanches or the risk of being cut off completely, which would raise the stakes for Wendy and her family.
  • Experiment with the dialogue to make it feel more conversational. For example, Wendy could express frustration or anxiety about the situation, which would make her character more relatable and engaging.
  • Incorporate visual elements that reflect the storm's severity, such as shots of the snow piling up outside the window or the sound of howling winds, to create a more immersive atmosphere.
  • End the scene with a moment of silence or a lingering shot of Wendy's face after she puts down the mic, allowing the audience to feel the weight of her situation before transitioning to the next scene.



Scene 23 - A Haunting Invitation
INT. HOTEL - GREEN CORRIDOR - M.L.S.

DANNY pedals away along corridor on his tricycle. CAMERA
TRACKS after him. He exits cam.R at the end of corridor.
CAMERA TRACKS FORWARD along empty corridor.

CUT TO:

INT. HOTEL - CORRIDOR - M.S.

DANNY pedals away along corridor. CAMERA TRACKS after him.
He turns corner and stops as he sees the two GRADY Girls at
the end.

CUT TO:

M.C.S. DANNY.

CUT TO:

M.L.S. DANNY back to camera in f.g. The two GRADY Girls at
end of corridor.

GRADY GIRLS
Hullo, Danny.

CUT TO:

M.C.S. DANNY

GRADY GIRLS (OFF)
Come and play with us.

CUT TO:

M.L.S. DANNY back to camera in f.g. The two GRADY Girls at
end of corridor.


GRADY GIRLS
Come and play with us, Danny.

CUT TO:

M.S. The two GRADY Girls laying on floor covered with
bloodstains. Bloodstained axe on floor in f.g. Walls
covered with bloodstains.

CUT TO:

M.L.S. Two GRADY Girls, holding hands and standing at end of
corridor.

GRADY GIRLS
For ever...

CUT TO:

M.S. The two GRADY Girls lying on floor, covered with
bloodstains. Bloodstained axe on floor in f.g. Wall
covered with bloodstains.

CUT TO:

M.C.S. DANNY reacts.

CUT TO:

M.S. Two GRADY Girls holding hands and standing at end of
corridor.

GRADY GIRLS
... and ever...

CUT TO:

M.S. The two GRADY Girls lying on floor covered with
bloodstains. Bloodstained axe on floor in f.g. Wall
covered with bloodstains.

CUT TO:

M.S. Two GRADY Girls holding hands standing at end of
corridor.

GRADY GIRLS
...and ever.

CUT TO:

M.S. Two GRADY Girls lying on floor covered with bloodstains.
Bloodstained axe on floor in f.g.


Wall covered with bloodstains.

CUT TO:

M.C.S. DANNY reacts. He puts hands over his eyes. Then he
opens his fingers and looks through them.

CUT TO:

M.S. DANNY's P.O.V. Empty corridor.

CUT TO:

M.C.S. DANNY looking through his open fingers. He lowers
his hands from his face.

CUT TO:

M.L.S. DANNY back to camera in f.g. in empty corridor.

CUT TO:

M.C.S. DANNY.

DANNY
Tony, I'm scared.

He raises up his R.hand and wiggles his forefinger as he
speaks.

TONY
Remember what Mr. Halloran said.
It's just like pictures in a book,
Danny. It isn't real.

CUT TO:

BLACK FRAMES.

Superimposition over:

MONDAY.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Horror","Thriller"]

Summary In a surreal hotel corridor, Danny rides his tricycle and encounters the ghostly Grady Girls, who invite him to play with a chilling repetition of 'Come and play with us.' As he grapples with fear, disturbing visions of their bloodied bodies and a bloodstained axe flash before him. Danny expresses his terror, seeking comfort from the unseen Tony, who reassures him that the horrors are merely illusions. The scene blends innocence with horror, culminating in a transition to black frames, signaling a shift in time.
Strengths
  • Effective use of visual and auditory cues
  • Building tension and suspense
  • Creating a chilling atmosphere
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development
  • Minimal dialogue

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene effectively establishes a chilling tone and sense of foreboding through the encounter with the ghostly Grady girls, creating a strong emotional impact on the audience. The repetition of the girls' haunting phrases and the visual imagery of bloodstains and an axe contribute to the scene's high rating.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of encountering ghostly apparitions in a haunted hotel corridor is a classic horror trope that is executed effectively in this scene. The use of repetition and visual cues adds depth to the supernatural elements, creating a sense of unease and mystery.

Plot: 8.5

The plot of the scene focuses on the supernatural encounter with the ghostly Grady girls, adding to the overall mystery and horror of the story. While the scene does not significantly advance the main plot, it contributes to the building tension and sense of dread.

Originality: 9

The scene is original in its depiction of a supernatural encounter in a hotel corridor. The dialogue and actions of the characters feel authentic and contribute to the eerie atmosphere.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters in the scene, particularly Danny, play a crucial role in conveying the fear and unease of the supernatural encounter. While the Grady girls are not fully developed characters, their presence adds to the overall atmosphere of horror.

Character Changes: 7

While there is not significant character development in this scene, Danny's fear and vulnerability are highlighted through his interaction with the ghostly Grady girls. The encounter serves to deepen his connection to the supernatural elements of the story.

Internal Goal: 8

Danny's internal goal in this scene is to confront his fears and overcome his sense of dread. This reflects his deeper need for courage and security.

External Goal: 7

Danny's external goal is to navigate the hotel corridor and confront the Grady Girls. This reflects the immediate challenge he is facing in the scene.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict in the scene arises from the supernatural encounter with the ghostly Grady girls, creating a sense of danger and unease for the characters. The presence of the bloodstains and axe adds to the level of conflict and suspense.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, as Danny is faced with supernatural forces that challenge his beliefs and fears.

High Stakes: 8

The high stakes in the scene are the characters' safety and well-being as they encounter the malevolent presence of the ghostly Grady girls. The supernatural threat adds a sense of danger and urgency to the scene.

Story Forward: 7

The scene does not significantly move the main plot forward but contributes to the overall atmosphere and tension of the story. The encounter with the ghostly Grady girls foreshadows the escalating supernatural events to come.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because the audience is unsure of how Danny will react to the Grady Girls and the supernatural elements in the hotel corridor.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the clash between reality and imagination. This challenges Danny's beliefs about what is real and what is not.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact on the audience, eliciting feelings of terror, anxiety, and dread through the eerie encounter with the ghostly Grady girls. The visual and auditory elements contribute to the emotional intensity of the scene.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue in the scene is minimal but impactful, with the repeated phrases of the Grady girls adding to the eerie atmosphere. The interaction between Danny and Tony also adds depth to the supernatural elements of the story.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it keeps the audience on edge with its eerie atmosphere and suspenseful pacing.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and suspense leading to a climactic moment.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for a horror genre screenplay, with clear scene headings and descriptions.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for a horror genre screenplay, with a buildup of tension and suspense leading to a climactic moment.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension and unease through the juxtaposition of the innocent imagery of the Grady Girls inviting Danny to play and the horrifying visuals of them covered in blood. This contrast heightens the psychological horror, making the audience question the nature of Danny's reality.
  • The repetitive structure of the dialogue from the Grady Girls ('Come and play with us') creates a haunting echo that reinforces the sinister undertones of the scene. However, the repetition could be streamlined to maintain impact without losing the eerie quality.
  • Danny's reaction to the Grady Girls is well-portrayed, showcasing his innocence and fear. The use of Tony as a comforting voice adds depth to Danny's character, illustrating his internal struggle between fear and the need for reassurance. However, the dialogue could be more varied to enhance the emotional weight of his fear.
  • The visual transitions between the Grady Girls standing and lying on the floor are effective in creating a disorienting experience for the audience. However, the scene could benefit from clearer visual cues to differentiate between Danny's perspective and the reality of the situation, as the transitions may confuse viewers.
  • The scene ends abruptly with a cut to black and a superimposition of 'MONDAY,' which feels disjointed. A more gradual transition or a closing line from Danny could provide a smoother narrative flow and maintain the tension.
Suggestions
  • Consider varying the dialogue from the Grady Girls to include more sinister undertones or questions that provoke Danny's fear, rather than repeating the same phrase. This could enhance the psychological tension.
  • Introduce subtle sound design elements, such as echoes or whispers, to accompany the Grady Girls' dialogue, amplifying the eerie atmosphere and making the scene more immersive.
  • Explore Danny's internal conflict further by allowing him to express more of his fear or confusion verbally, perhaps through a brief internal monologue or additional dialogue with Tony.
  • Clarify the visual transitions by using distinct camera angles or lighting changes to signify shifts between Danny's perspective and the horrifying reality, ensuring the audience remains engaged and aware of the narrative.
  • Revise the ending to include a more gradual transition from the horror of the scene to the next, perhaps by having Danny express a final thought or fear before the cut to black, maintaining the emotional impact.



Scene 24 - A Quiet Request
INT. OVERLOOK HOTEL - LOBBY - DAY - M.S.

Play on Television set, CAMERA TRACKS BACK from set to
reveal WENDY, seated on sofa cam.L, watching set, DANNY
seated on floor watching set also cam.R.

DOROTHY
(on T.V.)
Please let me give you some money.


HERMIE
(on T.V.)
Oh I wouldn't think of it.

DOROTHY
(on T.V.)
Well how can I repay you?

HERMIE
(on T.V.)
It's okay, really.

DOROTHY
(on T.V.)
Well I'm going to have some coffee.
Would you like some?

HERMIE
(on T.V.)
Sure.

DOROTHY
(on T.V.)
Great. Sit down. Oh these
marvellous doughnuts, help yourself.
Coffee will be ready in a few
minutes.

Play on Television continues inaudibly in b.g.

DANNY
Mom?

WENDY
Yes?

DANNY
Can I go to my room and get my
fire-engine?

WENDY
Not right now, Daddy's asleep.

DANNY
I won't make any noise.

WENDY
Come on, Doc. He only went to bed
a few hours ago. Can't you wait
till later?

DANNY
I won't make a sound, I promise.
I'll tip-toe.


WENDY
Well all right. But really don't
make a sound.

DANNY
I won't, Mom.

DANNY stands up and runs out cam.L.

WENDY
Make sure you come right back,
'cause I'm going to make lunch soon.
Okay?

DANNY (OFF)
Okay, Mom.

DISSOLVE TO:
Genres: ["Drama","Family"]

Summary In the lobby of the Overlook Hotel, Wendy and Danny share a light moment while watching television. Danny expresses his eagerness to retrieve his fire-engine from his room, prompting a gentle negotiation with Wendy, who is mindful of her husband's rest. After some back-and-forth, Wendy allows Danny to go, reminding him to be quiet and return quickly as she prepares lunch. The scene captures the warmth of their mother-son relationship as Danny excitedly runs off.
Strengths
  • Authentic family interactions
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
Weaknesses
  • Lack of significant plot progression
  • Low stakes

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively establishes the family dynamic and sets up potential conflicts, while also providing a glimpse into the characters' daily lives and concerns.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring family relationships and dynamics in a secluded hotel setting is intriguing and provides a rich backdrop for potential conflicts and character development.

Plot: 7.5

While the plot doesn't advance significantly in this scene, it sets up potential conflicts and character arcs that could unfold in future scenes.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces familiar family dynamics in a unique setting, adding a layer of suspense and unease. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue enhances the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed, with distinct personalities and relationships that drive the emotional core of the scene. Wendy's nurturing nature, Danny's innocence, and Jack's focus on his work are all effectively portrayed.

Character Changes: 7

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, it sets the stage for potential growth and development in the future, especially in relation to the hinted tensions.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to assert his independence and explore his surroundings without disturbing his sleeping father. This reflects his desire for autonomy and adventure, as well as his need to prove himself capable of being responsible.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to retrieve his fire-engine toy from his room. This reflects his immediate desire to engage in play and explore his environment.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

While there are hints of tension and potential conflicts, the scene primarily focuses on the family's everyday interactions and concerns.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create conflict and tension, but not overwhelming, leaving room for further development.

High Stakes: 5

The stakes are relatively low in this scene, focusing more on the intimate family dynamics and everyday concerns rather than high-stakes conflicts.

Story Forward: 7

The scene doesn't propel the main plot forward significantly, but it lays the groundwork for potential conflicts and character arcs that could drive future developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it introduces subtle tensions and conflicts that hint at darker events to come, keeping the audience on edge.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the balance between independence and obedience. Danny wants to explore and play, but he must also respect his mother's rules and his father's need for rest. This challenges his beliefs about when it's appropriate to assert his independence.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from warmth and playfulness to concern and hints of tension, creating a nuanced emotional landscape for the characters.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is natural and reflective of the family dynamics, with moments of warmth and concern shining through. However, there are no particularly standout lines in this scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it sets up conflicts and hints at the horror to come, keeping the audience invested in the characters' fates.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by slowly building tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings and dialogue formatting that enhances readability.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, building tension and setting up conflicts that will unfold later in the story.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes a domestic atmosphere, contrasting the warmth of Wendy and Danny's interaction with the ominous context of the Overlook Hotel. However, the dialogue feels somewhat flat and lacks emotional depth. The exchange between Wendy and Danny could benefit from more subtext, hinting at the underlying tension in their family dynamics.
  • The television dialogue serves as a backdrop but doesn't contribute significantly to the scene's tension or character development. It might be more effective if the content of the show mirrored or contrasted with the characters' emotional states, enhancing the thematic resonance.
  • Wendy's initial reluctance to let Danny go to his room feels justified, but her eventual acquiescence could be more impactful if it were accompanied by a stronger emotional reaction. This would emphasize her protective instincts and the growing sense of unease in the hotel.
  • Danny's character is portrayed as innocent and eager, but the scene could delve deeper into his psyche. Given the supernatural elements at play, a hint of his awareness of the hotel's dangers could add layers to his character and foreshadow future events.
  • The scene transitions with a dissolve, which is visually effective but could be enhanced by a more dramatic shift in tone or sound design to signify the impending tension. This would create a stronger connection between the scenes and heighten the audience's anticipation.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding subtext to the dialogue between Wendy and Danny, perhaps by incorporating hints of her anxiety or fear about Jack's behavior or the hotel itself. This could be achieved through her tone or body language.
  • Revise the television dialogue to reflect themes of hospitality or danger, creating a more ironic contrast with the characters' situation. For example, if the characters on TV were discussing trust or safety, it would resonate more with Wendy's concerns.
  • Enhance Wendy's emotional response to Danny's request. Perhaps she could express a moment of hesitation or fear before ultimately allowing him to go, reinforcing her protective nature and the tension in the hotel.
  • Introduce a moment where Danny exhibits a hint of awareness about the hotel's unsettling atmosphere, such as a fleeting expression of fear or a comment that suggests he senses something is off. This would deepen his character and foreshadow future events.
  • Consider using sound design to build tension during the transition. For example, as the scene shifts, the sound of the television could fade into an eerie silence or a distant echo, signaling the impending danger and creating a more dramatic effect.



Scene 25 - A Father's Reassurance
INT. HOTEL - JACK'S APARTMENT - DAY - M.C.S.

Door opens and DANNY appears. He enters room - CAMERA
TRACKS BACK with him as he walks forward up steps. He looks
to cam.R. CAMERA PANS L-R to JACK sitting on edge of bed.
JACK looks towards camera.

CUT TO:

M.L.S. JACK seated on bed cam.R.f.g. DANNY standing at open
door in b.g.

DANNY
Can I go to my room and get my
fire-engine?

JACK
Come here for a minute, first.

JACK holds out his hand to DANNY, who walks forward.

CUT TO:

M.S. JACK sitting on bed. DANNY enters cam.L.f.g. and stops
cam.R of JACK. JACK sits DANNY on his knee and puts his
arms round him, kissing him.

JACK
How's it going, Doc?

DANNY
Okay.

CUT TO:


M.S. JACK over DANNY seated on his knee.

JACK
Are you having a good time?

DANNY
Yes, Dad.

JACK
Good. I want you to have a good
time.

DANNY
I am, Dad. Dad?

JACK
Yes.

DANNY
Do you feel bad?

JACK shakes his head.

JACK
No. I'm just a little tired.

DANNY
Then why don't you go to sleep?

JACK
I can't. I have too much to do.

DANNY
Dad?

JACK
Yes?

DANNY
Do you like this hotel?

JACK smiles and looks at DANNY.

JACK
Yes I do. I love it. Don't you?

DANNY
I guess so.

JACK
Good. I want you to like it here.
I wish we could stay here for ever,
and ever... ever.


DANNY
Dad?

JACK
What?

DANNY
You wouldn't ever hurt Mummy and
me, would you?

JACK
What do you mean?

CUT TO:

M.S. DANNY over JACK.

JACK
Did your mother ever say that to
you - that I would hurt you?

DANNY
No, Dad.

JACK
Are you sure?

DANNY
Yes, Dad.

CUT TO:

M.S. JACK over DANNY.

JACK
I love you, Danny. I love you more
than anything else in the whole
world, and I'd never do anything to
hurt you, never... You know that,
don't you, huh?

DANNY
Yes, Dad.

JACK
Good.

CUT TO:

BLACK FRAMES

Superimposition over:


WEDNESDAY

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In Jack's hotel room, a tender moment unfolds as he invites his son Danny to sit on his knee. They share a heartfelt conversation where Danny expresses his fears about safety and whether Jack would ever harm him or his mother. Jack reassures Danny of his love and commitment to protect them, strengthening their bond amidst underlying tension. The scene captures their emotional connection before transitioning to a black frame labeled 'WEDNESDAY'.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Authentic character interactions
  • Foreshadowing potential conflicts
Weaknesses
  • Limited plot progression
  • Low external conflict

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene is emotionally rich, delving into the deep bond between father and son while hinting at underlying tension and foreshadowing future conflicts. The dialogue is poignant and reveals the characters' vulnerabilities and desires.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of exploring the father-son relationship in the context of a secluded hotel setting is compelling. The scene introduces themes of love, protection, and potential danger, adding layers of complexity to the characters' interactions.

Plot: 8.5

While the scene doesn't drive the main plot forward significantly, it lays the groundwork for future conflicts and character developments. The subtle hints at underlying tensions and Danny's innocent questions foreshadow potential challenges to come.

Originality: 8

The scene offers a fresh approach to exploring the dynamics of a father-son relationship, with authentic dialogue and genuine emotions. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9.5

The characters of Jack and Danny are well-developed in this scene, showcasing their emotional depth and vulnerabilities. Jack's love for his son and Danny's innocence and curiosity are portrayed with authenticity, drawing the audience into their relationship.

Character Changes: 8

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, it deepens the audience's understanding of Jack and Danny's relationship. It sets the stage for potential growth and challenges, hinting at the complexities that may arise in their dynamic.

Internal Goal: 9

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to reassure his son of his love and safety, addressing any fears or doubts the child may have. This reflects the protagonist's deeper need for connection and protection.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is not clearly defined in this scene, as the focus is more on the emotional dynamics between the characters.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

While there is a subtle undercurrent of tension and foreshadowing in the scene, the conflict is primarily internal and emotional. The conflict between Jack's desire to protect his family and the potential dangers lurking in the hotel is hinted at but not fully realized.

Opposition: 5

The opposition in the scene is minimal, focusing more on the emotional dynamics between the characters rather than external conflicts.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes in the scene are relatively low, focusing more on the emotional dynamics between Jack and Danny than on external threats or conflicts. However, the hints at potential dangers in the hotel add a layer of suspense and foreshadowing.

Story Forward: 7

The scene does not significantly move the main plot forward but lays the foundation for future events. It establishes key relationships, themes, and tensions that will play a role in shaping the narrative as it progresses.

Unpredictability: 6

The scene is somewhat predictable in its emotional beats and character interactions, focusing more on the emotional reassurance between the father and son.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the themes of love, trust, and family bonds. The protagonist's reassurance to his son challenges any potential doubts or insecurities.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9.5

The scene has a high emotional impact, drawing the audience into the tender moments between Jack and Danny. The expressions of love, vulnerability, and protectiveness evoke a strong emotional response, setting the tone for future developments.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue in the scene is heartfelt and authentic, capturing the emotional nuances of the characters' interactions. The exchanges between Jack and Danny reveal their inner thoughts and feelings, adding depth to their relationship.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the emotional depth and vulnerability displayed by the characters, drawing the audience into their intimate moment.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by allowing the emotional beats to resonate with the audience, building tension and intimacy throughout.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene adheres to the expected format for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a traditional structure for intimate character interactions, focusing on dialogue and emotional beats to drive the narrative forward.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures a tender moment between Jack and Danny, showcasing their father-son relationship. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext to enhance the emotional weight. The exchange about Jack's feelings and Danny's concerns about safety feels somewhat on-the-nose and could be more nuanced.
  • The pacing of the scene is generally good, but it could be tightened by reducing some of the repetitive dialogue. For instance, the back-and-forth about whether Jack feels bad could be streamlined to maintain the emotional tension without losing the essence of their connection.
  • The visual transitions (CUT TO) are somewhat abrupt and could be smoothed out to create a more cohesive flow. Instead of cutting directly to different shots, consider using more gradual transitions that allow the audience to linger on the emotional beats.
  • Danny's question about whether Jack would hurt him and Wendy feels like a pivotal moment, but it could be framed with more tension. The scene could hint at the underlying fear and tension in their family dynamic without explicitly stating it, allowing the audience to infer the darker implications.
  • The scene ends with a superimposition of 'WEDNESDAY,' which feels somewhat jarring after such an intimate moment. A more gradual transition or a visual cue that reflects the emotional state of the characters could enhance the impact of the scene's conclusion.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more subtext to the dialogue, allowing Jack's reassurances to carry a weight of ambiguity that hints at his potential for violence without explicitly stating it.
  • Streamline the dialogue to avoid redundancy. For example, instead of repeating 'Dad?' multiple times, Danny could express his concerns in a more varied manner, which would keep the conversation engaging.
  • Experiment with the pacing by incorporating pauses or reactions that allow the audience to absorb the emotional stakes. This could involve lingering on Danny's expressions or Jack's reactions to create a more immersive experience.
  • Introduce visual elements that reflect the tension in the scene, such as close-ups of Jack's hands or facial expressions that might betray his inner turmoil, enhancing the sense of unease.
  • Reconsider the transition to 'WEDNESDAY' by either removing it or finding a more subtle way to indicate the passage of time that aligns with the emotional tone of the scene.



Scene 26 - A Child's Search
EXT. HOTEL - L.S.

Shooting across snow to Hotel in b.g. Three lit windows.

CUT TO:

INT. HOTEL - CORRIDOR TO ROOM 237 - M.C.S.

High Angle - DANNY playing on floor with toy cars and trucks.
CAMERA TRACKS UP & BACK - yellow ball rolls in from f.g. and
stops by one of DANNY's trucks. DANNY looks up.

CUT TO:

M.L.S. DANNY, back to camera, in f.g. looking away along
empty corridor.

CUT TO:

M.S. DANNY kneeling on the floor by his toys. He stands up.

DANNY
Mom?

CUT TO:

M.L.S. DANNY, back to camera, in f.g. Empty corridor in b.g.

CUT TO:

M.S. DANNY walks forward along corridor - CAMERA TRACKS BACK
with him.

DANNY
Mom?

CUT TO:

M.L.S. Empty corridor. CAMERA TRACKS FORWARD to open door
of Room 237.

DANNY (OFF)
Mom, are you in there?

CAMERA TRACKS FORWARD into room.

DISSOLVE TO:


INT. HOTEL - BOILER ROOM - M.S.

WENDY, holding clipboard. She looks at dials on boiler -
then moves R-L to second boiler. CAMERA PANS with her. She
looks at dials - then moves R-L to switchboard and presses
two switches. She reacts as she hears JACK off groaning in
his sleep. She puts down clipboard and moves L-R. CAMERA
PANS with her. She starts to run away to entrance.

CUT TO:

INT. HOTEL - LOUNGE - M.S.

JACK leaning forward in chair with head resting on table.
He groans and cries out as he sleeps. CAMERA TRACKS IN on
them.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Horror","Thriller"]

Summary In a snowy hotel, young Danny plays alone in a dim corridor, calling out for his mother as he searches for her. His innocence contrasts with the unsettling atmosphere as he approaches Room 237. Meanwhile, Wendy is in the boiler room, responding to Jack's distressing groans. The scene captures Danny's loneliness and concern, culminating in a tense moment as Jack is shown in a vulnerable state, groaning in his sleep.
Strengths
  • Building suspense
  • Creating tension
  • Evoking fear and curiosity
Weaknesses
  • Limited character interaction
  • Minimal dialogue

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively creates a tense and suspenseful atmosphere, setting up potential danger and mystery. The use of the empty corridor, the child's innocent curiosity, and the ominous Room 237 all contribute to a strong sense of foreboding.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a child exploring a haunted hotel corridor and encountering a potentially dangerous room is a classic horror trope executed well in this scene. The idea of unseen danger and the unknown adds to the overall suspense.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene revolves around Danny's exploration of the hotel corridor and his encounter with Room 237, setting up a significant plot point and potential conflict. The scene effectively advances the overarching narrative of the film.

Originality: 9

The scene is original in its depiction of a child navigating an eerie hotel setting in search of his mother. The actions and dialogue feel authentic and contribute to the tension of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 7.5

While the focus is primarily on Danny in this scene, his innocence and curiosity drive the action forward. Wendy's concern for Jack's well-being adds depth to the character dynamics, hinting at underlying tensions within the family.

Character Changes: 7

While there is not a significant character change in this scene, Danny's encounter with Room 237 sets the stage for his growth and development as he faces his fears and confronts the supernatural elements of the hotel.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to find his mother. This reflects his deeper need for security and comfort, as well as his fear of being alone.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to locate his mother and ensure her safety. This reflects the immediate challenge of navigating the hotel and finding her amidst the empty corridors.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, as Danny grapples with his curiosity and fear of the unknown. The potential danger lurking in Room 237 creates a sense of external conflict that drives the tension.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the eerie hotel setting and the protagonist's search for his mother creating obstacles and challenges.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in this scene as Danny unknowingly approaches a potentially dangerous situation in Room 237. The sense of foreboding and danger raises the stakes for the characters and the audience.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing the mystery of Room 237 and setting up potential conflicts and dangers for the characters. It adds depth to the narrative and builds anticipation for future events.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the eerie setting and the unknown outcome of the protagonist's search for his mother.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

There is a philosophical conflict evident in this scene between the protagonist's belief in the safety of his mother and the eerie, isolated setting of the hotel. This challenges his worldview and sense of security.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a strong emotional response from the audience, tapping into primal fears of the unknown and unseen dangers. Danny's vulnerability and innocence add to the emotional impact of the scene.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue in the scene is minimal but serves its purpose in conveying the characters' emotions and motivations. The interactions between Danny and Wendy hint at their relationship dynamics and set the stage for future developments.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its tense atmosphere, suspenseful pacing, and the protagonist's compelling search for his mother.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and suspense as the protagonist searches for his mother.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings and descriptions of actions.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear transitions between locations and a focus on visual storytelling.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension through its visual storytelling, particularly with the use of tracking shots that follow Danny. This technique creates a sense of anticipation as he moves through the empty corridor, enhancing the eerie atmosphere of the hotel.
  • The contrast between Danny's innocent play and the ominous presence of Room 237 is well-executed. The use of the yellow ball rolling into the scene serves as a subtle foreshadowing device, hinting at the impending danger associated with the room.
  • However, the dialogue is minimal, which can be effective in creating suspense, but it may also leave the audience wanting more emotional depth. Danny's repeated calls for his mother could be expanded to include more of his feelings or fears, which would enhance the emotional stakes of the scene.
  • The transition from Danny's playful innocence to the more sinister elements of the hotel is somewhat abrupt. While the dissolve to the boiler room is visually interesting, it could benefit from a more gradual build-up to the tension that Wendy experiences, linking her actions more closely to Danny's situation.
  • The scene lacks a clear emotional arc for Wendy. While her reaction to Jack's groaning adds a layer of concern, it feels disconnected from Danny's exploration. Establishing a stronger connection between their experiences could heighten the emotional impact.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment where Danny expresses his feelings about being alone or his fears about the hotel before he calls for his mother. This would deepen his character and make the audience more invested in his safety.
  • Enhance the transition between Danny's playful scene and Wendy's boiler room by incorporating a visual or auditory cue that links the two, such as a sound that Danny hears that prompts his concern for his mother.
  • Explore Wendy's emotional state more thoroughly. Perhaps include a moment where she reflects on her worries about Jack or her fears for Danny, which would create a stronger narrative thread connecting her to Danny's exploration.
  • Utilize more ambient sound or music to build tension as Danny approaches Room 237. This could amplify the sense of dread and anticipation, making the audience more aware of the danger that lies ahead.
  • Consider using a more dynamic camera movement or angle when Danny approaches Room 237 to emphasize the significance of the moment. A low-angle shot could make the door appear more imposing, heightening the sense of foreboding.



Scene 27 - Nightmare's Grip
INT. HOTEL - CORRIDOR TO LOUNGE - M.S.

WENDY running away along corridor - CAMERA TRACKS after her.

WENDY
Jack...

WENDY turns corner to entrance to Lounge.

WENDY
Jack... Jack...

WENDY runs forward into Lounge and goes to JACK asleep at
table. CAMERA TRACKS FORWARD.

WENDY
Jack, honey, what's wrong?

She puts her hands on his arm and back. JACK stirs and
falls off chair onto floor.

CUT TO:

M.S. JACK groans as he lies on floor. WENDY enters cam.R
and takes hold of his arm, assisting up onto his knees. He
groans and gasps.

WENDY
What happened, honey? Hon? What's
wrong? Jack!

She smoothes his hair with her hand.


JACK
I had... I had the most terrible
nightmare I ever had. It's the
most horrible dream I ever had.

WENDY
It's okay. It's okay, now. Really.

CUT TO:

M.S. JACK & WENDY

JACK
I dreamed that I... that I killed
you and Danny.

CUT TO:

M.S. JACK over WENDY.

JACK
But I didn't just kill you, I cut
you up into little pieces.

He puts his hand up to his eyes.

JACK
Oh...

CUT TO:

M.S. JACK handed up to his eyes - and WENDY.

JACK
My God, I must be losing my mind!

He lowers his hand.

WENDY
Every...everything is just going to
be all right. Come on. Here let's
get up off the floor.

WENDY puts hand under his arm and he starts to rise.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Horror","Psychological Thriller"]

Summary In a tense hotel scene, Wendy rushes to find Jack, who is shaken after a nightmare in which he killed her and their son, Danny. As he falls from his chair in distress, Wendy comforts him, assuring him that everything will be okay. The emotional moment highlights their connection amidst Jack's fear and anxiety.
Strengths
  • Intense emotional impact
  • Character depth and development
  • Foreshadowing of future conflicts
Weaknesses
  • Limited action
  • Reliance on dialogue for tension building

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively creates a tense and disturbing atmosphere through Jack's nightmare confession, adding depth to his character and setting up further tension within the story.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of Jack's nightmare confession adds depth to his character and foreshadows potential conflicts within the story.

Plot: 8.5

The plot is advanced significantly through Jack's confession, setting up future conflicts and character dynamics.

Originality: 9

The scene is original in its approach to exploring the psychological turmoil of the characters, as well as the eerie atmosphere and suspenseful mood. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The scene provides insight into Jack's complex character, showcasing his vulnerability and inner struggles, adding layers to his personality.

Character Changes: 8

Jack's confession marks a significant change in his character, revealing his inner turmoil and setting the stage for future developments.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to comfort and reassure her partner, Jack, who is experiencing a terrifying nightmare. This reflects her deeper need to maintain their relationship and provide emotional support in times of distress.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to help Jack overcome his nightmare and return to a sense of normalcy. This reflects the immediate challenge of dealing with a partner in distress and maintaining their emotional well-being.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The internal conflict within Jack, as revealed through his nightmare confession, adds tension and foreshadows external conflicts to come.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, as Jack's nightmare presents a significant challenge for the protagonist to overcome. The audience is left uncertain about the outcome, adding to the tension and suspense.

High Stakes: 8

The high stakes are established through Jack's nightmare confession, hinting at the potential dangers and conflicts that lie ahead for the characters.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by deepening the character dynamics and foreshadowing future conflicts, adding complexity to the narrative.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected nature of Jack's nightmare and the emotional intensity of the characters' interactions. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how the scene will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the protagonist's struggle to reconcile Jack's disturbing dream with their own sense of reality and stability. This challenges their beliefs about the nature of dreams, fears, and the fragility of the mind.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes a strong emotional response through Jack's vulnerability and fear, creating a sense of unease and anticipation.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue effectively conveys Jack's fear and Wendy's concern, adding depth to their relationship and setting up future conflicts.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its suspenseful atmosphere, emotional depth, and psychological tension. The interactions between the characters and the unfolding of the nightmare add to the scene's engagement.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building suspense and tension gradually, allowing the emotional depth of the characters to unfold naturally. The rhythm of the dialogue and actions adds to the scene's impact.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with a clear progression of events and a focus on character interactions and emotional depth.


Critique
  • The scene effectively conveys a sense of urgency and concern through Wendy's frantic search for Jack, which sets a tense atmosphere. However, the dialogue could be more impactful if it included more emotional depth or subtext, reflecting Wendy's growing fear about Jack's mental state.
  • The transition from Wendy's running to her finding Jack asleep is smooth, but the scene could benefit from more visual cues to enhance the emotional weight. For example, incorporating close-ups of Wendy's face could show her anxiety and fear more vividly as she approaches Jack.
  • Jack's nightmare revelation is chilling, but the dialogue could be more nuanced. Instead of stating he had a terrible dream, he could describe a specific image or feeling from the dream that haunts him, which would create a stronger emotional connection with the audience.
  • The pacing of the scene feels slightly rushed. Allowing for a moment of silence or a lingering shot on Jack's face after he reveals the content of his nightmare could heighten the tension and give the audience time to absorb the horror of his words.
  • Wendy's reassurance feels somewhat generic. Adding a personal touch, such as recalling a past moment of vulnerability or strength in their relationship, could deepen the emotional resonance of her response and make her character more relatable.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more visual storytelling elements, such as close-ups of Wendy's expressions, to convey her emotional state more effectively.
  • Enhance Jack's nightmare description by incorporating specific imagery or feelings that reflect his internal struggle, making it more relatable and haunting.
  • Slow down the pacing slightly to allow for moments of silence or reflection, particularly after Jack reveals the content of his nightmare, to build tension.
  • Revise Wendy's dialogue to include more personal touches that reflect her relationship with Jack, making her reassurance feel more genuine and heartfelt.
  • Explore the use of sound design in this scene; perhaps the ambient noise of the hotel could fade out as Wendy approaches Jack, emphasizing the isolation and tension of the moment.



Scene 28 - Tensions Rise at the Overlook
INT. OVERLOOK HOTEL - LOUNGE - M.L.S.

DANNY back to camera in f.g. walks into Lounge. In b.g.
WENDY helps JACK up into his chair. INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE.
WENDY turns to DANNY and throws up her arm. CAMERA TRACKS
FORWARD with DANNY.


WENDY
Danny! Everything's okay... Just
go play in your room for a while.
Your Dad's just got a headache.
Danny - mind what I say. Go play
in your room!

WENDY bends down to JACK.

WENDY
Hon, let me just go and get him out
of here. I'll be right back.

WENDY moves R-L behind table and moves forward to DANNY in
f.g.

WENDY
Danny, why don't you mind me - huh?
Danny.

She crouches down before DANNY and turns him cam.L to face
her, and the window. He is sucking his thumb. She sees
mark on his neck and tilts his head over sideways.

WENDY
Oh my God! Danny what happened to
your neck? Danny...

She pulls DANNY's thumb out of his mouth.

WENDY (CONT'D)
what happened to your neck, huh?

She puts her arms round him.

CUT TO:

M.L.S. JACK, back to camera, leaning back in chair in f.g.
WENDY kneeling with her arms round DANNY in b.g.

CUT TO:

M.C.S. JACK sitting in chair with his hand up to his head.

CUT TO:

M.L.S. JACK back to camera leaning back in chair in f.g.
WENDY kneeling with her arms round DANNY in b.g. She stands
up and lifts DANNY up in her arms.

CUT TO:

M.S. WENDY holding DANNY in her arms.


WENDY
You did this to him, didn't you?

CUT TO:

M.C.S. JACK.

WENDY (OFF)
You son of a bitch! You did this
to him,

He shakes his head.

WENDY (OFF)(CONT'D)
didn't you?

He shakes his head.

CUT TO:

M.S. WENDY with DANNY in her arms moves backwards.

WENDY
How could you? How could you?

She turns and runs away to entrance in b.g.

CUT TO:

M.C.S. JACK. He lowers his hand.

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. HOTEL BALLROOM CORRIDOR - M.L.S.

JACK enters cam.L in b.g. and walks forward. CAMERA TRACKS
BACK before him. He mutters and flings his arms about. He
stops and looks at notice on trestle - "THE GOLD ROOM." JACK
moves L-R into entrance of Ballroom. He reaches out cam.L
and switches on lights - then moves away to lit bar in b.g.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Horror","Psychological Thriller"]

Summary In the lounge of the Overlook Hotel, Wendy helps Jack into a chair while expressing concern for Danny, who has a mysterious mark on his neck. Wendy accuses Jack of harming their son, leading to a heated confrontation. As Wendy embraces Danny and expresses her outrage, she decides to leave with him, leaving Jack alone and disoriented in the lounge. The scene ends with Jack muttering to himself as he walks towards the hotel ballroom corridor.
Strengths
  • Intense emotional impact
  • Revealing character dynamics
  • Building tension and suspense
Weaknesses
  • Potential for melodrama
  • Lack of resolution in the scene

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene is highly impactful due to the intense emotions, tension, and revelations that occur. It sets the stage for further conflict and character development.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of revealing dark secrets and confronting inner demons within the family is compelling and drives the narrative forward. It adds depth to the characters and sets up future conflicts.

Plot: 8.5

The plot advances significantly in this scene as hidden tensions and secrets come to light, leading to a shift in the dynamics between the characters. It sets the stage for further developments in the story.

Originality: 9

The scene is original in its portrayal of domestic violence within a horror setting, blending psychological drama with supernatural elements. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and raw, adding to the authenticity of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed in this scene, with their vulnerabilities, fears, and conflicts laid bare. The emotional depth and complexity of their interactions make the scene engaging and impactful.

Character Changes: 8

The characters undergo significant emotional changes in this scene, as their vulnerabilities and fears are exposed, leading to a shift in their relationships and dynamics. It sets the stage for further character development.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to protect her son and confront her husband about his behavior. This reflects her deeper need for safety and security, as well as her fear of the danger her husband poses to their family.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to confront her husband about the harm he has caused their son. This reflects the immediate challenge of addressing the violence within their family.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in this scene is intense and emotionally charged, with deep-seated tensions and revelations leading to a dramatic confrontation. It raises the stakes and sets the stage for further conflicts.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing a difficult and emotionally charged confrontation with her husband. The audience is left uncertain about the outcome, adding to the tension and drama.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in this scene as dark secrets are revealed, leading to a dramatic confrontation that could have lasting consequences for the characters. It raises the tension and emotional intensity of the narrative.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward significantly by revealing important secrets, deepening the conflicts between the characters, and setting up future developments. It adds complexity and depth to the narrative.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting dynamics between the characters and the unexpected revelations about their relationships. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how the conflict will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the clash between love and violence, as the protagonist grapples with her feelings for her husband and her need to protect her son. This challenges her beliefs about family and loyalty.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking fear, tension, and empathy for the characters as they confront their inner demons and hidden truths. It leaves a lasting impression on the audience.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue effectively conveys the emotional turmoil and tension between the characters, adding depth to their interactions. It drives the confrontation and reveals important aspects of their relationships.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense emotional moments, dramatic conflict, and suspenseful atmosphere. The audience is drawn into the characters' struggles and motivations.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and suspense, allowing for emotional moments to resonate, and maintaining a sense of urgency and momentum.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions. The visual elements are well-defined and contribute to the atmosphere of the scene.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with a clear progression of events and character interactions. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the effectiveness of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension and emotional stakes by showcasing Wendy's concern for Danny and her suspicion towards Jack. However, the dialogue could be more impactful. Wendy's lines feel somewhat generic and could benefit from more specificity to convey her emotional turmoil and urgency.
  • The physical actions in the scene, such as Wendy crouching down to Danny and pulling his thumb out of his mouth, are visually engaging but could be enhanced with more descriptive language to emphasize the emotional weight of these actions. For instance, describing Wendy's facial expressions or body language could deepen the audience's connection to her distress.
  • The transition between shots could be smoother. The cuts between Wendy's interactions with Danny and Jack's reactions feel abrupt. Consider using more transitional phrases or visual cues to create a more cohesive flow between the emotional beats of the scene.
  • The dialogue lacks a sense of urgency and could be more dynamic. Wendy's repeated questioning of Danny about his neck feels repetitive and could be replaced with more varied expressions of concern or fear. This would help to heighten the tension and make the audience feel the stakes more acutely.
  • Jack's reaction to Wendy's accusations is somewhat passive. To enhance the conflict, consider giving Jack a more active response that reflects his internal struggle. This could involve him attempting to defend himself more vigorously or showing signs of his own distress, which would add complexity to his character.
Suggestions
  • Revise Wendy's dialogue to include more specific language that reflects her emotional state. For example, instead of simply asking 'What happened to your neck?', she could express her fear and disbelief more vividly.
  • Incorporate more descriptive action lines that convey the emotional weight of the scene. For instance, describe Wendy's trembling hands as she examines Danny's neck or her panicked breathing as she realizes the gravity of the situation.
  • Consider using a longer shot or a slow-motion effect during key moments, such as when Wendy discovers the mark on Danny's neck, to emphasize the horror of the revelation.
  • Add more internal conflict for Jack. Instead of just shaking his head, he could show signs of panic or confusion, which would make his character more complex and relatable.
  • Enhance the pacing of the scene by interspersing moments of silence or hesitation between dialogue exchanges. This would allow the audience to absorb the tension and emotional stakes more fully.



Scene 29 - A Descent into Chaos
INT. HOTEL - BALLROOM - M.L.S.

JACK walks L-R across Ballroom - CAMERA TRACKS & PANS with
him to bar.

CUT TO:

M.L.S. JACK leans over counter and looks down.


JACK
(to himself)
God, I'd give anything for a drink?

JACK sits down and puts his hands up to his face.

JACK
My goddam soul, just a glass of beer.

CUT TO:

M.S. JACK with his hands up to his face. He lowers his
hands and looks - he lowers hands to bar and smiles.

JACK
Hi Lloyd.

JACK looks cam.R then back at camera.

JACK
A little slow tonight, isn't it?

JACK laughs.

CUT TO:

M.S. LLOYD standing behind bar.

LLOYD
Yes, it is, Mr. Torrance.

LLOYD moves forward - CAMERA TRACKS BACK revealing JACK
seated at bar.

LLOYD
What'll it be?

CUT TO:

M.C.S. JACK

JACK
Now I'm awfully glad you asked me
that, Lloyd, because I just happen
to have two twenties and two tens
right here in my wallet. I was
afraid they were going to be there
until next April. So here's what:
you slip me a bottle of Bourbon, a
glass and some ice. You can do
that, can't you, Lloyd? You're not
to busy, are you?

CUT TO:


M.S. LLOYD

LLOYD
No, sir. I'm not busy at all.

LLOYD turns away to bottles of shelf.

JACK (OFF)
Good man.

LLOYD turns with bottle and glass to counter.

JACK (OFF)
You set them up, and I'll knock
them back, Lloyd, one by one.

CUT TO:

M.S. JACK sitting at bar. LLOYD puts bottle and glass down
on bar. LLOYD puts ice in glass and fills it from bottle.

JACK
White man's burden, Lloyd my man.
White man's burden.

JACK looks at his wallet then at LLOYD.

JACK
Say, Lloyd, it seems I'm temporarily
light.

JACK laughs.

JACK
How's my credit in this joint anyway?

CUT TO:

M.C.S. LLOYD

LLOYD
Your credit's fine, Mr. Torrance.

CUT TO:

M.C.S. JACK

JACK
That's swell. I like you, Lloyd.
I always liked you. You were
always the best of them.
(MORE)


JACK (CONT'D)
Best goddamned bartender from
Timbuctoo to Portland Maine -
Portland Oregon for that matter.

CUT TO:

M.C.S. LLOYD

LLOYD
Thank you for saying so.

CUT TO:

M.C.S. JACK looks at his glass.

JACK
Here's to five miserable months on
the wagon and all the irreparable
harm that it's caused me.

He drinks and lowers his glass - then looks at LLOYD.

CUT TO:

M.S. JACK sitting at bar. LLOYD behind bar.

LLOYD
How are things going, Mr. Torrance?

JACK
Things could be better, Lloyd.
Things could be a whole lot better.

LLOYD
I hope it's nothing serious.

JACK taps on bar and LLOYD fills up his glass.

JACK
No, nothing serious.

CUT TO:

M.C.S. JACK

JACK
Just a little problem with the...
old sperm bank upstairs.

JACK laughs.


JACK
Nothing that I can't handle though,
Lloyd. Thanks.

CUT TO:

M.C.S. LLOYD

LLOYD
Women! Can't live with 'em. Can't
live without 'em!

CUT TO:

M.S. JACK over LLOYD. He points finger at LLOYD.

JACK
Words of wisdom, Lloyd. Words of
wisdom.

JACK drinks - then swirls drink round in glass, putting
glass down on counter.

JACK
I haven't laid a hand on him.
Goddam it, I didn't. I wouldn't
touch one hair of his goddam little
head. I love the little son-of-a-
bitch.

JACK laughs.

JACK
I'd do anything for him. Any
fucking thing for him.

CUT TO:

M.C.S. LLOYD

JACK (OFF)
That damn bitch.

CUT TO:

M.C.S. JACK

JACK
As long as I live she'll never let
me forget what happened!

He looks cam.L then cam.R -- throwing his hands out and
sighing.


JACK
I did hurt him once, okay? It was
an accident, complete unintentional.
It could have happened to anybody.

He raps on counter with hand.

JACK
And it was three goddam years ago.
The little fucker had thrown all my
papers all over the floor. All I
tried to do was to pull him up. A
momentary loss of muscular
coordination. I mean... A few
extra foot pounds of energy, per
second... per second.

JACK gestures with his hands.

WENDY (OFF)
Jack...

CUT TO:

INT. HOTEL - BALLROOM CORRIDOR - M.L.S.

WENDY, sobbing, runs forward along corridor. CAMERA TRACKS
BACK with her and PANS L-R into Ballroom. She runs away to
JACK sitting at bat in b.g.

WENDY
Oh Jack!
(sobs)
Thank God you're here.

CUT TO:

INT. HOTEL BALLROOM - M.S.

JACK sitting back to camera at bar. WENDY enters cam.R.

WENDY
(OFF)
Jack,
(IN SHOT)
Jack, there's someone else in the
hotel with us. There's a crazy
woman in one of the rooms. She
tried to strangle Danny.

CUT TO:

M.C.S. JACK


JACK
Are you out of your fucking mind?

CUT TO:

M.S. WENDY over JACK.

WENDY
No. It's the truth, really. I
swear it. Danny told me. He went
up into one of the bedrooms, the
door was open, and he saw this
crazy woman in the bath-tub. She
tried to strangle him.

CUT TO:

M.C.S. JACK.

JACK
Which room was it?

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Horror","Psychological Thriller"]

Summary In the hotel ballroom, Jack Torrance engages in a lighthearted yet revealing conversation with bartender Lloyd about his struggles with sobriety and family life. As he reminisces and jokes about his financial woes, the atmosphere shifts dramatically when Wendy bursts in, panicked and frantic, warning Jack about a 'crazy woman' who attempted to strangle their son Danny. This urgent revelation heightens the tension, pulling Jack's focus from his internal battles to the immediate threat facing his family.
Strengths
  • Effective tension-building
  • Revealing character development
  • Intriguing plot twists
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue may feel slightly melodramatic

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively builds tension and sets the stage for further psychological unraveling. Jack's internal struggle and the revelation of a 'crazy woman' in the hotel add layers of suspense and intrigue.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of Jack's internal struggle and the introduction of a mysterious woman in the hotel room adds complexity to the narrative, hinting at darker forces at play.

Plot: 8.5

The plot thickens with the revelation of the 'crazy woman' in the hotel, adding a new layer of mystery and danger to the story. Jack's confession at the bar foreshadows his descent into madness.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh take on the theme of redemption and family dynamics, with authentic character interactions and emotional depth.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The scene focuses primarily on Jack's character development, showcasing his inner demons and conflicting emotions. Wendy's concern and Danny's absence contribute to the tension.

Character Changes: 8

Jack undergoes a significant emotional change in the scene, revealing his darker thoughts and inner turmoil. Wendy and Danny also experience emotional shifts due to the escalating tension.

Internal Goal: 8

Jack's internal goal is to cope with his past mistakes and struggles with alcoholism, as well as his strained relationship with his family.

External Goal: 7

Jack's external goal is to confront the presence of a mysterious woman in the hotel and protect his family from potential danger.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict in the scene arises from Jack's internal turmoil, the presence of the mysterious woman, and Wendy's revelation about Danny's encounter, creating a sense of impending danger.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the revelation of a dangerous woman threatening the safety of the protagonist's family, creating a sense of urgency and danger.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are raised with the revelation of the 'crazy woman' in the hotel, indicating a growing threat to the characters' safety and sanity.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward by introducing new mysteries and conflicts, setting the stage for further developments and escalating the tension within the hotel.

Unpredictability: 8

The scene is unpredictable due to the sudden revelation of a dangerous presence in the hotel, adding a new layer of suspense and intrigue.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict revolves around Jack's inner demons and his struggle to maintain control over his actions and emotions.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene evokes fear, anxiety, and confusion in the audience, especially through Jack's emotional breakdown and Wendy's distress. The revelation of the 'crazy woman' heightens the emotional impact.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue between Jack and Lloyd is tense and revealing, shedding light on Jack's internal struggles and dark thoughts. Wendy's urgency adds to the suspense of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its emotional intensity, mysterious elements, and character dynamics that keep the audience invested in the unfolding drama.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, leading to a climactic revelation that propels the story forward.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to standard screenplay conventions, making it easy to follow and visualize the action.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a traditional format for a dramatic confrontation, building tension and suspense effectively.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures Jack's descent into madness through his interaction with Lloyd, the bartender. However, the dialogue can feel overly expository at times, particularly when Jack discusses his past and his feelings about Danny. This could be streamlined to maintain tension and avoid redundancy.
  • The pacing of the scene is uneven. While the initial moments of Jack's longing for a drink set a somber tone, the transition to his conversation with Lloyd feels abrupt. The shift from introspection to humor diminishes the gravity of Jack's situation. A more gradual transition could enhance the emotional impact.
  • Jack's dialogue contains a mix of humor and darkness, which is effective in showcasing his unstable mental state. However, some lines, such as 'White man's burden,' may come off as jarring or out of place in the context of his current emotional turmoil. Ensuring that all dialogue aligns with Jack's character arc would strengthen the scene.
  • Wendy's entrance adds urgency and tension, but her dialogue could be more concise. The emotional weight of her revelation about the 'crazy woman' could be heightened by showing her fear and desperation more vividly, rather than relying solely on dialogue.
  • The visual transitions between shots are effective, but the scene could benefit from more dynamic camera movements or angles to reflect Jack's psychological state. For instance, using tighter close-ups during moments of tension could enhance the viewer's connection to Jack's internal struggle.
Suggestions
  • Consider tightening Jack's dialogue to eliminate redundancy and maintain focus on his emotional state. For example, instead of reiterating his love for Danny multiple times, a single, poignant line could convey the same sentiment more powerfully.
  • Introduce more visual storytelling elements that reflect Jack's mental decline. For instance, incorporating reflections in the bar mirror or using shadows could symbolize his internal conflict and the looming threat of his past actions.
  • Enhance Wendy's entrance by showing her physical state more vividly—perhaps she is disheveled or visibly shaken. This would help convey the urgency of her message and the gravity of the situation.
  • Explore the use of silence or ambient sound to heighten tension before Wendy enters. The contrast between Jack's solitary moment and the chaos of Wendy's revelation could amplify the emotional stakes.
  • Consider revising the pacing of the scene to allow for more dramatic pauses, particularly after key lines of dialogue. This would give the audience time to absorb the weight of Jack's words and Wendy's distress.



Scene 30 - Weather Extremes
INT. MIAMI APARTMENT - M.C.S.

Montage of shots on T.V. Set for program "NEWSWATCH."

DISC JOCKEY (OFF)
(on T.V.)
From Channel 10 in Miami, this is
Newswatch - with Glen Rinker and
Bishop, and the award winning
Newswatch team.

CAMERA TRACKS BACK to reveal T.V. Set. HALLORAN's bare feet
and legs on bed in f.g. Shot of GLEN RINKER on T.V. Set
with superimposed title:

'10 GLEN RINKER WPLG MIAMI'

GLEN RINKER
(on T.V.)
Good evening. I'm Glen Rinker
Newswatch 10. While Miami continues
to swelter in a record winter
heatwave bringing temperatures to
the mid and upper nineties, the
Central and Rocky Mountain States
are buried in snow.
(MORE)


GLEN RINKER (CONT'D)
In Colorado ten inches of snow has
fallen in just a few hours tonight.
Travel in the Rockies is almost
impossible.

CUT TO:

M.C.S. HALLORAN - CAMERA TRACKS BACK to reveal him lying on
bed, watching T.V.

GLEN RINKER (OFF)
(on T.V.)
Airports are shut down stranding
thousands of passengers. Highways
are blocked by snowdrifts. Railroad
tracks are frozen. Officials in
Colorado tell Newswatch at least
three people have been killed by
exposure to freezing winds. The
Governor of Colorado is expected
tomorrow to declare a weather
emergency. The National Guard
might be called out to clear
streets and roads. Weather
forecasters predict more snow and
heavy winds tonight and tomorrow,
with temperatures dropping well
below zero.

CUT TO:

M.S. HALLORAN's feet and legs on beg in f.g. GLEN RINKER on
T.V. Set at foot of bed.

GLEN RINKER
(on T.V.)
Back here in South Florida, we've
got just the opposite problem; the
heat and humidity are supposed to
climb.

CUT TO:

M.S. HALLORAN lying on pillows. CAMERA TRACKS IN to C.S.
his face, as he reacts.

GLEN RINKER (OFF)
(on T.V.)
Local beaches should be jammed.
Our weather expert Walter Cronice
will have the local forecast later
on.


COMMENTATOR continues inaudibly in b.g.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In a Miami apartment during a record heatwave, Halloran lies in bed watching 'Newswatch,' hosted by Glen Rinker. The news report contrasts the extreme heat in Miami with a severe snowstorm in Colorado, causing travel disruptions and fatalities. Halloran reacts with concern to the contrasting weather conditions, highlighting the struggles faced by people in different regions. The scene ends with his unresolved reaction, setting the stage for further developments.
Strengths
  • Effective use of contrast between snowstorm and heatwave
  • Building tension and suspense through news report
  • Foreshadowing potential conflicts and challenges
Weaknesses
  • Limited focus on character development
  • Dialogue could be more impactful

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively sets up a foreboding atmosphere through the news report, creating tension and unease. The contrast between the extreme weather conditions adds depth to the narrative and foreshadows potential conflicts to come.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of contrasting extreme weather conditions to create tension and foreshadow potential conflicts is well-executed. The scene effectively introduces external threats that may impact the characters' lives.

Plot: 8.5

The plot is advanced by introducing the snowstorm and heatwave as external factors that may influence the characters' decisions and actions. The scene sets the stage for future developments and potential conflicts.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to depicting weather events through the use of a TV news broadcast as a framing device. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 7.5

While the focus is primarily on Halloran in this scene, his reactions to the news report and the impending weather conditions provide insight into his character. The scene sets up potential challenges for the characters to face.

Character Changes: 7

While there is no significant character change in this scene, Halloran's reaction to the news report hints at potential shifts in his behavior and decisions in response to the external threats.

Internal Goal: 8

Halloran's internal goal in this scene is to stay informed about the weather conditions, reflecting his need for control and safety in the face of unpredictable natural events.

External Goal: 7

Halloran's external goal is to understand the impact of the weather on different regions, reflecting the immediate challenge of dealing with extreme weather conditions.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict in this scene is primarily external, with the snowstorm and heatwave posing threats to the characters' safety and well-being. The tension is heightened by the contrast between the extreme weather conditions.

Opposition: 6

The opposition in the scene is strong, as the characters face the challenge of dealing with extreme weather conditions and the uncertainty of future events.

High Stakes: 8

The high stakes are established through the extreme weather conditions and the potential dangers they pose to the characters. The scene creates a sense of urgency and impending danger.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing external conflicts that may impact the characters' lives and decisions. It sets the stage for future developments and challenges.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it introduces unexpected weather events and their impact on the characters, keeping the audience on edge.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the contrast between the harsh winter conditions in the Central and Rocky Mountain States and the heatwave in South Florida. This challenges Halloran's beliefs about the predictability of weather patterns and the impact of climate change.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a sense of concern and unease through the news report and Halloran's reaction to the impending weather conditions. The emotional impact sets the stage for future developments and challenges.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue serves its purpose in conveying the severity of the weather conditions and Halloran's reaction to the news report. It effectively sets the tone for the scene and hints at future conflicts.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it presents a dramatic contrast between the weather conditions in different regions, creating tension and suspense.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and suspense, with a gradual reveal of the weather conditions in different regions.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with proper scene headings and descriptions of character actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected format for a TV news broadcast scene, with clear transitions between different shots and dialogue segments.


Critique
  • The scene effectively uses a montage format to convey the contrasting weather conditions between Miami and Colorado, which serves to heighten the sense of isolation and impending danger for the characters at the Overlook Hotel. However, the transition between the two locations could be more seamless to enhance the emotional impact.
  • The dialogue from Glen Rinker is informative but lacks a personal touch that could connect the audience more deeply to the characters' plight. Adding a line that hints at the emotional toll of the weather on families or individuals could create a stronger connection.
  • The visual descriptions are clear, but the scene could benefit from more dynamic camera movements or angles to maintain viewer engagement. For instance, incorporating close-ups of Halloran's reactions to the news could emphasize his concern and foreshadow his urgency to return to the Overlook.
  • The pacing of the montage feels slightly rushed. While montages can be quick, allowing a moment for Halloran to react to the news before cutting to the next shot could enhance the tension and urgency of the situation.
  • The scene lacks a strong emotional anchor. While Halloran is present, his emotional state is not fully explored. Providing a glimpse into his thoughts or feelings about the situation could add depth and make the audience more invested in his character.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment where Halloran reacts to the news, perhaps showing concern for Danny and Wendy, to create a stronger emotional connection.
  • Incorporate a line or two in Glen Rinker's dialogue that reflects the human impact of the weather, such as families being separated or stranded, to enhance the emotional stakes.
  • Experiment with different camera angles and movements to create a more dynamic visual experience, such as close-ups of Halloran's face as he processes the news.
  • Allow for a moment of silence or a slower pace after the news report to let the weight of the information sink in for both Halloran and the audience.
  • Explore Halloran's internal conflict or urgency through a voiceover or a brief flashback that connects his current situation to his past experiences with the Overlook Hotel.



Scene 31 - The Illusion of Beauty
INT. OVERLOOK HOTEL - CORRIDOR - M.S.

Open door of Room 237.

CUT TO:

INT. HOTEL - DANNY'S BEDROOM - M.C.S.

DANNY, his head shaking.

CUT TO:

INT. HOTEL - ROOM 237 - M.S.

Mantlepiece and fireplace. CAMERA PANS R-L across room to
open door. Then TRACKS FORWARD through doorway to slightly
open door of bathroom. CAMERA STOPS TRACKING. Door swings
open to reveal YOUNG LADY seated in bath behind curtain.

CUT TO:

M.C.S. JACK

CUT TO:

M.S. YOUNG LADY seated in bath behind curtain. She draws
curtain aside with hand.

CUT TO:

M.C.S. JACK - he smiles.

CUT TO:

M.S. YOUNG LADY stands up in bath.

CUT TO:

M.C.S. JACK

CUT TO:

M.S. YOUNG LADY steps out of bath.

CUT TO:

M.C.S. JACK - he smiles.

CUT TO:


M.S. YOUNG LADY walks forward from bath and stops in f.g.

CUT TO:

M.C.S. JACK - he moves forward.

CUT TO:

M.S. JACK moves forward to YOUNG LADY - she puts her arms
round his neck. He puts his arms round her and they kiss.

CUT TO:

M.C.S. JACK over YOUNG LADY as they kiss. He opens his eyes
and reacts. He pulls back from YOUNG LADY - CAMERA PANS L-R
onto mirror. JACK & WOMAN reflected in it. He sees that
she is covered with scars. He takes his arms away from
her - she starts to laugh.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Horror","Thriller"]

Summary In Room 237 of the Overlook Hotel, Jack is initially captivated by a young lady emerging from a bath. Their intimate moment quickly turns to horror when Jack discovers her scarred appearance, leading to a shocking revelation that shatters the romantic atmosphere and leaves him in dread.
Strengths
  • Effective tension-building
  • Strong emotional impact
  • Intriguing concept
Weaknesses
  • Limited dialogue
  • Potentially disturbing content

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively builds tension and suspense through the eerie encounter in Room 237, creating a sense of fear and mystery. The shocking revelation of the woman's true appearance adds a disturbing element to the scene.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of a haunted room with a seductive yet horrifying presence is intriguing and adds depth to the horror elements of the story.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene revolves around the unsettling encounter in Room 237, which adds a new layer of mystery and danger to the narrative.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the haunted hotel trope, focusing on psychological horror and the protagonist's internal struggles. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds depth to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters of Jack and the mysterious woman are well-developed in this scene, with their interactions adding to the tension and fear of the moment.

Character Changes: 7

Jack experiences a moment of realization and fear as he discovers the true nature of the woman in Room 237, leading to a shift in his perception of the hotel and its mysteries.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to confront his fears and desires, as symbolized by the encounter with the young lady in Room 237. This reflects his deeper need for validation and connection, as well as his fear of the unknown and the supernatural.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to investigate the mysterious occurrences in the hotel and uncover the truth behind Room 237. This reflects the immediate challenge he is facing in dealing with the supernatural forces at play.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict in the scene arises from the unsettling encounter in Room 237, where Jack is faced with a horrifying revelation that challenges his perception of reality.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, as the protagonist is faced with a mysterious and potentially dangerous situation that challenges his beliefs and fears. The audience is left wondering how he will overcome this obstacle.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in the scene as Jack faces a terrifying revelation that challenges his sense of reality and safety within the hotel.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing a new element of horror and mystery, deepening the intrigue surrounding the Overlook Hotel and its dark secrets.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected reveal of the young lady's scars and the protagonist's reaction to them. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of what will happen next.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the clash between reality and illusion, as represented by the young lady in Room 237. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs in what is real and what is imagined, blurring the lines between truth and deception.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene evokes fear and shock in the audience, creating a strong emotional impact through the disturbing encounter and its aftermath.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue in the scene is minimal but effective in conveying the eerie atmosphere and escalating tension between the characters.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its slow build-up of tension, mysterious atmosphere, and unexpected twists. The audience is drawn into the protagonist's journey of discovery and fear.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension gradually, allowing the audience to feel the protagonist's fear and uncertainty. The rhythm of the scene enhances the suspense and atmosphere.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for a horror screenplay, with clear scene headings and concise descriptions of the action. The visual storytelling enhances the atmosphere of the scene.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for a horror genre, building tension through a series of escalating events and revelations. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the scene's effectiveness in creating suspense.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension through its visual storytelling, using cuts and camera movements to create a sense of unease. However, the pacing could be improved by allowing for longer shots that linger on key moments, particularly the transition from the young lady's reveal to Jack's reaction. This would heighten the suspense and give the audience more time to absorb the shock of the transformation.
  • The use of cuts to different perspectives (Danny, Jack, and the young lady) is a strong technique, but it may benefit from clearer emotional connections. For instance, showing Danny's distress more explicitly before cutting to Jack's encounter could enhance the thematic link between their experiences, emphasizing the horror that permeates both characters' realities.
  • The dialogue is absent in this scene, which can be effective for building tension, but consider incorporating subtle sound design or ambient noise to enhance the atmosphere. The absence of sound can be powerful, but a faint echo of Danny's earlier fears or whispers could create a haunting backdrop that ties the two characters' experiences together.
  • The reveal of the young lady covered in scars is a pivotal moment, but the transition from intimacy to horror could be more pronounced. Consider using a close-up shot of Jack's face as he realizes the truth, allowing the audience to witness his emotional shift in real-time. This would deepen the impact of the moment and make it more visceral.
  • The scene's structure is somewhat formulaic, relying heavily on visual cuts without fully exploring the emotional stakes. Adding a moment of hesitation or internal conflict for Jack before he approaches the young lady could add depth to his character and make the subsequent horror more impactful.
Suggestions
  • Extend the duration of key shots to build tension, particularly during the reveal of the young lady and Jack's reaction.
  • Enhance the emotional connection between Danny and Jack by showing more of Danny's distress before transitioning to Jack's encounter.
  • Incorporate subtle sound design or ambient noise to create a haunting atmosphere that ties the experiences of Danny and Jack together.
  • Use a close-up shot of Jack's face during the reveal of the young lady to capture his emotional shift and deepen the impact of the moment.
  • Introduce a moment of hesitation or internal conflict for Jack before he approaches the young lady to add depth to his character and heighten the horror.



Scene 32 - Unsettling Encounters
INT. HOTEL - DANNY'S BEDROOM - M.C.S.

DANNY - he is shaking his head. WOMAN LAUGHING OFF.

CUT TO:

INT. HOTEL - ROOM 237 - BATHROOM - M.S.

ELDERLY WOMAN lying in water in bath. WOMAN LAUGHING OFF.

CUT TO:

M.S. JACK shaking his head as he backs out of bathroom.

CUT TO:

M.S. Naked ELDERLY WOMAN laughing as she walks forward with
outstretched arms.

CUT TO:

INT. HOTEL - DANNY'S BEDROOM - M.C.S.

DANNY shaking his head. WOMAN LAUGHING OFF.

CUT TO:

INT. HOTEL - ROOM 237 - M.S.

Naked ELDERLY WOMAN lying in water in bath. WOMAN LAUGHING
OFF.

CUT TO:


M.S. JACK backs down steps into living room - WOMAN LAUGHING
OFF.

CUT TO:

M.S. Naked ELDERLY WOMAN laughing, as she walks forward with
outstretched arms.

CUT TO:

INT. HOTEL - DANNY'S BEDROOM - C.S.

DANNY shaking his head. WOMAN LAUGHING OFF.

CUT TO:

INT. HOTEL - ROOM 237 - M.S.

Naked ELDERLY WOMAN lying in water in bath. She starts to
sit up. WOMAN LAUGHING OFF.

CUT TO:

INT. HOTEL - CORRIDOR - M.S.

JACK backs out of Room 237 into corridor. He closes the
door and locks it - then backs away along corridor. He
exits cam.L. WOMAN LAUGHING OFF.

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. MIAMI APARTMENT - NIGHT - M.S.

HALLORAN telephone up to ear. He dials number, then picks
up phone and walks R-L to window. He turns and walks back
L-R. He puts phone down.

OPERATOR
(over phone)
We are sorry your call cannot be
completed as dialed. If you need
assistance, please call the operator.

He puts telephone down.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Horror","Thriller"]

Summary In a tense and unsettling scene, Danny is visibly disturbed by the laughter of an unseen elderly woman in Room 237, contrasting sharply with her carefree demeanor as she lies in a bath and later stands naked with outstretched arms. Jack, equally unsettled, backs away from the situation. The scene shifts to Halloran in a Miami apartment, struggling to make a phone call that cannot be completed, amplifying the sense of isolation and disconnection.
Strengths
  • Building tension
  • Creating a sense of unease
  • Effective portrayal of fear and shock
Weaknesses
  • Limited dialogue
  • Focus on shock value over character development

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively builds tension and fear through the encounter with the elderly woman in Room 237. The disturbing nature of the scene and the shock experienced by Jack contribute to its high rating.


Story Content

Concept: 8.5

The concept of encountering a mysterious elderly woman in Room 237 is intriguing and adds depth to the horror elements of the story. The scene effectively explores the unknown and unsettling aspects of the hotel.

Plot: 8

The plot progresses as Jack experiences a shocking encounter in Room 237, adding to the overall mystery and horror of the story. The scene contributes to the development of the hotel's dark history.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to supernatural elements in a hotel setting, creating an authentic and unsettling atmosphere. The characters' actions and dialogue feel genuine and contribute to the scene's originality.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters react realistically to the unsettling events in the scene, with Jack's shock and the elderly woman's mysterious presence adding depth to their interactions. Wendy's concern for Danny also adds emotional weight to the scene.

Character Changes: 7

Jack experiences a significant change in this scene as he is confronted with a terrifying presence in Room 237, leading to a shift in his perception of the hotel. Wendy also shows increased concern for Danny, reflecting a protective instinct.

Internal Goal: 8

Danny's internal goal in this scene is to confront or come to terms with the supernatural events happening in the hotel. His deeper need is to understand and possibly overcome the fear and uncertainty surrounding these occurrences.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to navigate the strange and unsettling events happening in the hotel, particularly in Room 237. His immediate challenge is to deal with the supernatural presence and its impact on him and others.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict in the scene arises from the unsettling encounter with the elderly woman in Room 237, adding to the overall tension and fear. Jack's shock and fear contribute to the conflict within the scene.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the supernatural forces presenting a difficult challenge for the protagonist to navigate. The audience is unsure of how the characters will overcome or deal with these obstacles.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in the scene as Jack and the other characters are faced with a terrifying presence in Room 237. The potential danger and mystery surrounding the elderly woman raise the stakes for the characters.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by revealing more about the dark history of the hotel and the supernatural elements at play. The encounter in Room 237 adds depth to the narrative and increases the sense of foreboding.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the supernatural occurrences and the characters' reactions to them. The audience is kept on edge by the mysterious events unfolding.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the existence of supernatural forces and the characters' beliefs or disbelief in them. This challenges the protagonist's worldview and understanding of reality.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene has a high emotional impact due to the disturbing nature of the encounter in Room 237 and Jack's reaction to it. The fear and shock experienced by the characters resonate with the audience.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue effectively conveys the tension and fear present in the scene, with minimal but impactful exchanges between the characters. Jack's reaction to the elderly woman is particularly chilling.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its mysterious and eerie atmosphere, as well as the suspenseful build-up of supernatural elements. The visual storytelling and minimal dialogue keep the audience intrigued.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and intrigued by the unfolding events. The rhythm of the scene contributes to its effectiveness in creating a mysterious atmosphere.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and concise, effectively conveying the visual and atmospheric elements of the setting. It follows the expected format for a suspenseful and supernatural genre.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a non-linear structure, moving between different locations and characters to build tension and mystery. This format enhances the eerie atmosphere of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene effectively utilizes visual storytelling to convey horror and discomfort, particularly through the juxtaposition of Danny's reaction and the elderly woman's laughter. However, the repetition of cuts between Danny and the elderly woman could be streamlined to enhance the pacing and impact of the horror elements. The viewer may become desensitized to the shock if the same images are repeated too frequently without additional context or development.
  • The lack of dialogue in this scene creates a haunting atmosphere, but it may benefit from some ambient sound or subtle background noise to heighten the tension. The laughter of the woman is effective, but adding layers of sound, such as Danny's breathing or the echo of the hotel, could amplify the emotional weight of the moment.
  • The transitions between the different shots could be more varied to maintain viewer engagement. The current structure relies heavily on the same shot types (M.S. and C.S.), which can lead to visual monotony. Incorporating different angles or perspectives could enhance the visual storytelling and keep the audience on edge.
  • The emotional stakes for Danny are clear, but the scene could delve deeper into his psychological state. A brief internal monologue or visual representation of his fear could provide more context for his shaking head, making his reaction more relatable and impactful.
  • The scene ends with Halloran's failed phone call, which serves as a narrative device to emphasize the isolation of the characters. However, this transition feels abrupt. A more gradual shift or a stronger connection between the horror in the hotel and Halloran's situation could create a more cohesive narrative flow.
Suggestions
  • Consider reducing the number of cuts between Danny and the elderly woman to create a more impactful moment. Focus on building tension through fewer, more deliberate shots.
  • Incorporate ambient sounds or subtle background noise to enhance the atmosphere and emotional weight of the scene.
  • Vary the shot types and angles to maintain visual interest and enhance the storytelling. Experiment with close-ups, wide shots, or over-the-shoulder perspectives.
  • Explore Danny's psychological state further by adding a brief internal monologue or visual cues that illustrate his fear and confusion.
  • Smooth the transition to Halloran's phone call by creating a stronger narrative link between the horror in the hotel and his situation, perhaps through a visual motif or thematic element.



Scene 33 - Descent into Fear
INT. HOTEL - JACK'S APARTMENT - M.S.

WENDY moves R-L in b.g. sobbing. KNOCK ON DOOR OFF. She
reacts and runs forward.

WENDY
Jack?


JACK (OFF)
Yes, it's me.

She moves R-L. CAMERA PANS with her down steps to front
door. CAMERA TRACKS FORWARD after her.

WENDY
Oh, thank God!

WENDY takes chain off door and opens it. JACK enters
apartment.

WENDY
Did you find anything?

JACK
No, nothing at all.

JACK closes front door.

JACK
I didn't see one goddam thing.

JACK & WENDY walks forward and move up steps to DANNY's
bedroom. CAMERA TRACKS BACK before them.

WENDY
You went into the room Danny said -
to 237?

JACK
Yes, I did.

WENDY
And you didn't see anything at all?

JACK
Absolutely nothing. How is he?

JACK moves R-L and looks into darkened bedroom.

WENDY
He's still asleep.

JACK
Good.

JACK closes bedroom door and turns to WENDY.

JACK
I'm sure he'll be himself again in
the morning.


They move L-R into Living Room. CAMERA PANS with them and
TRACKS after them across room.

WENDY
Well, are you sure it was the right
room? I mean, maybe Danny made a
mistake?

WENDY & JACK move into their bedroom.

JACK
He must have gone into that room -
the door was open and the lights
were on.

WENDY sits on bed.

WENDY
Oh, I just don't understand.

JACK sits down on bed beside her.

CUT TO:

M.C.S. WENDY sobbing.

WENDY
Well what about those bruises on
his neck?

CUT TO:

M.C.S. JACK over WENDY.

WENDY
Somebody did that to him.

JACK
I think he did it to himself.

CUT TO:

M.C.S. WENDY shakes her head.

WENDY
No! No, that's not possible.

CUT TO:

M.C.S. JACK over WENDY.


JACK
Wendy, once you rule out his
version of what happened, there is
no other explanation - is there?
It wouldn't be that different from
the episode that he had before we
came up here, would it?

CUT TO:

INT. OVERLOOK HOTEL - DANNY'S BEDROOM - M.S.

DANNY lying awake on his bed. CAMERA TRACKS IN on him.

WENDY (OFF)
Jack, whatever the explanation is,

CUT TO:

M.S. Low Angle Door with word "MURDER" written backwards
across it.

CUT TO:

M.C.S. DANNY lying awake on his bed. CAMERA TRACKS IN on him.

WENDY (OFF)
I think we have to get Danny out of
here.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Horror","Thriller","Drama"]

Summary In a tense scene set in Jack's apartment at the Overlook Hotel, Wendy is distraught over Danny's well-being, particularly the bruises on his neck. Jack returns from searching for answers but dismisses Wendy's concerns, suggesting Danny may have harmed himself. Their disagreement escalates as Wendy insists someone else is responsible for Danny's injuries, while Jack rationalizes the situation. The scene culminates in Wendy's urgent decision to get Danny out of the hotel, highlighting the growing conflict between her protective instincts and Jack's unsettling calm.
Strengths
  • Tension-building
  • Emotional depth
  • Mystery elements
Weaknesses
  • Some repetitive dialogue
  • Lack of visual cues

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively builds tension and reveals crucial information about the characters' dynamics and the unfolding mystery. The emotional impact and conflict are palpable, keeping the audience engaged.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of revealing a potential threat to Danny's safety and the ensuing conflict between Jack and Wendy is compelling and drives the narrative forward. It sets up important stakes for the characters and the story.

Plot: 8.5

The plot is advanced significantly in this scene through the revelation of the bruises on Danny's neck and the ensuing discussion between Jack and Wendy. It deepens the mystery and raises the stakes for the characters.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the haunted hotel trope by focusing on the characters' psychological struggles and conflicting beliefs. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds depth to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters of Jack and Wendy are well-developed in this scene, showcasing their differing perspectives and concerns for Danny's safety. Their emotional reactions and conflicting beliefs add depth to their relationship.

Character Changes: 8

The scene prompts a shift in Jack and Wendy's perceptions of the situation, leading to a deeper understanding of their fears and motivations. It sets the stage for potential character growth and evolution.

Internal Goal: 8

Wendy's internal goal is to understand what is happening to her son, Danny, and to protect him from harm. This reflects her deeper need for security and her fear of losing her child.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to investigate the strange occurrences in the hotel and ensure the safety of her family. This reflects the immediate challenge of dealing with a potentially dangerous situation.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is high, as Jack and Wendy grapple with differing interpretations of the events surrounding Danny. The emotional conflict and potential threat to Danny's safety raise the stakes significantly.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting beliefs and motivations creating tension and uncertainty. The audience is left unsure of the true nature of the characters' actions.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in this scene, as the safety of Danny is called into question, leading to a tense confrontation between Jack and Wendy. The potential danger and emotional turmoil raise the stakes for the characters.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by introducing a new threat to Danny's safety and deepening the mystery surrounding the hotel. It sets up important plot developments and character arcs.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the conflicting beliefs and motivations of the characters. The audience is kept guessing about the true nature of the events unfolding.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the characters' differing beliefs about the events unfolding. Wendy believes someone else is responsible for Danny's injuries, while Jack believes Danny harmed himself. This challenges their values and perceptions of reality.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene has a strong emotional impact, eliciting feelings of anxiety, concern, and confusion from the audience. The characters' raw emotions and the gravity of the situation resonate deeply.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the tension and emotional turmoil between Jack and Wendy. It reveals their inner thoughts and fears, driving the conflict and revealing key character traits.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its suspenseful atmosphere, cryptic dialogue, and psychological tension. The audience is drawn into the characters' emotional struggles and the mystery surrounding the hotel.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension gradually and allowing for moments of emotional impact. The rhythm of the dialogue and character movements enhances the scene's suspenseful atmosphere.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene descriptions and character actions. The formatting enhances the readability and flow of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a traditional format for a suspenseful thriller, with a gradual buildup of tension and a focus on character dynamics. The pacing and structure contribute to the scene's effectiveness.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension through the emotional exchange between Wendy and Jack, highlighting their differing perspectives on Danny's well-being. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext to deepen the conflict between them. Currently, their conversation feels somewhat straightforward, lacking layers that could reveal their fears and motivations more intricately.
  • Wendy's emotional state is clear, but Jack's dismissive attitude towards her concerns could be more pronounced. This would enhance the tension and showcase Jack's internal struggle with his own sanity and the situation at hand. Adding more physicality to Jack's demeanor could also help convey his frustration and denial.
  • The pacing of the scene is generally good, but the transitions between dialogue and action could be smoother. For instance, the cuts to close-ups of Wendy and Jack during their conversation feel abrupt. Instead, consider using more continuous shots or longer takes to allow the audience to absorb the emotional weight of their exchange.
  • The use of camera movements, such as tracking and panning, is effective in following the characters, but it could be more purposeful. For example, when Wendy opens the door, a tighter shot on her face could emphasize her relief and fear, creating a stronger emotional impact.
  • The scene ends with a strong visual cue of the word 'MURDER' on the door, which is effective in foreshadowing the danger. However, the transition to Danny lying awake could be more impactful if it included a brief moment of silence or a lingering shot on the door before cutting to Danny, enhancing the sense of dread.
Suggestions
  • Incorporate more subtext in the dialogue to reveal deeper emotional layers and conflicts between Wendy and Jack. This could involve them referencing past incidents or using metaphors that reflect their current fears.
  • Enhance Jack's physicality to better convey his frustration and denial. Small gestures, such as clenching his fists or pacing, could add to the tension and illustrate his internal conflict.
  • Consider using longer takes or continuous shots during their conversation to allow the audience to fully engage with the emotional stakes, rather than cutting too quickly between close-ups.
  • Utilize tighter shots on Wendy's face when she opens the door to emphasize her emotional state, creating a stronger connection with the audience.
  • Before cutting to Danny, include a moment of silence or a lingering shot on the door with 'MURDER' to heighten the tension and foreshadow the impending danger more effectively.



Scene 34 - Fractured Tensions
INT. JACK'S APARTMENT - BEDROOM - M.C.S.

JACK over WENDY.

JACK
Get him out of here?

WENDY
Yes.

JACK
You mean just leave the hotel?

WENDY
Yes.

CUT TO:


INT. DANNY'S BEDROOM - M.C.S.

DANNY with his mouth wide open.

CUT TO:

INT. HOTEL - LOBBY - M.S.

Blood gushing forward from lifts and surging up into camera
lens.

CUT TO:

INT. HOTEL - JACK'S APARTMENT - M.C.S.

JACK over WENDY.

JACK
It is so fucking typical of you to
create a problem like this when I
finally have a chance to accomplish
something. When I'm really into my
work. I could really write my own
ticket if I went back to Boulder
now, couldn't I?

CUT TO:

M.S. WENDY & JACK sitting on bed - JACK stands up and turns
to her.

JACK
Shovellings out driveways, work in
a car wash - any of that appeal to
you?

WENDY
Jack...

JACK
Wendy, I have let you fuck up my
life so far, but I'm not going to
let you fuck this up!

He starts to move away.

CUT TO:

M.L.S. JACK walks forward from WENDY, sitting on bed. He
crosses living room and CAMERA PANS R-L with him to steps
leading to front door. He walks away down steps, opens
front door and walks away along corridor.

CUT TO:


M.S. WENDY sitting on bed, starts to cry. She leans forward
and buries her face in her hands.

CUT TO:

INT. HOTEL - KITCHEN - M.L.S.

JACK moves forward in kitchen. He sweeps coffee pot off
table onto floor. CAMERA TRACKS BACK before him. He kicks
coffee pots on floor, then sweeps rings off stove onto floor.
He kicks rings as he leaves kitchen, moving into corridor.
CAMERA TRACKS BACK before him. He stops and looks ahead.

CUT TO:

INT. HOTEL CORRIDOR LEADING TO BALLROOM - M.L.S.

Empty corridor. Balloons and streamers strewn about.
CAMERA TRACKS FORWARD.

CUT TO:

INT. MIAMI - HALLORAN'S APARTMENT - NIGHT - M.S.

HALLORAN standing, phone up to ear.

RANGER
(over phone)
Good evening. Forest Service.

HALLORAN
(into phone)
Hallo. My name's Dick Halloran.
I'm the Head Chef up at the Overlook
Hotel.

RANGER
(over phone)
Good evening, Mr. Halloran. What
can I do for you?

HALLORAN
(into phone)
Sir, I've been trying to make an
urgent phone call up there,

He picks up phone and walks R-L to window. CAMERA PANS with
him.

HALLORAN (CONT'D)
(into phone)
but the operator said that the
phone lines are down.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Horror","Drama"]

Summary In a heated confrontation in Jack's apartment, he blames Wendy for his frustrations and insists on keeping their son Danny at the hotel, dismissing her concerns. Wendy, emotional and distressed, is left in tears as Jack storms out, leading to a violent outburst in the kitchen where he destroys items in a fit of rage. The scene shifts to an empty hotel corridor decorated for a celebration, ending with Halloran in Miami trying to urgently contact the Overlook Hotel, revealing a deeper sense of impending danger.
Strengths
  • Intense conflict
  • Emotional depth
  • Suspenseful atmosphere
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue may feel repetitive
  • Lack of clarity in certain character motivations

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively builds tension and emotion through the interactions between Jack and Wendy, as well as the unsettling events unfolding within the hotel. The dialogue and character dynamics are compelling, drawing the audience into the escalating conflict.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene revolves around the breakdown of communication and trust between Jack and Wendy, as well as the growing sense of isolation and fear within the hotel. These themes are explored through the dialogue and character interactions.

Plot: 8.5

The plot of the scene advances the overall narrative by deepening the conflict between the characters and introducing new elements of suspense and horror. It sets the stage for further developments in the story.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to depicting relationship dynamics and power struggles, with authentic dialogue and actions that feel true to the characters' motivations.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Jack and Wendy are well-developed in this scene, showcasing their complex emotions and motivations. Their interactions reveal layers of tension and vulnerability, adding depth to their personalities.

Character Changes: 8

Both Jack and Wendy undergo significant emotional changes in this scene, with their relationship reaching a critical turning point. Their vulnerabilities and fears are exposed, leading to a shift in their dynamic.

Internal Goal: 8

Jack's internal goal in this scene is to assert his independence and control over his life, particularly in his career aspirations. This reflects his deeper need for autonomy and success, as well as his fear of being held back by Wendy.

External Goal: 7

Jack's external goal is to confront Wendy and assert his authority in their relationship, as well as to focus on his work and career opportunities. This reflects the immediate challenge of balancing personal and professional priorities.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is intense and multi-layered, involving both internal struggles within the characters and external threats within the hotel. The escalating tensions drive the narrative forward and create a sense of unease.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Jack and Wendy facing off in a confrontational and emotionally charged exchange that leaves the audience uncertain about the outcome.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in this scene, as the characters' relationships and sanity are put to the test. The escalating tensions and disturbing events increase the sense of danger and uncertainty, raising the stakes for the outcome.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by deepening the conflict between the characters and introducing new obstacles and revelations. It sets the stage for further developments and raises the stakes for the protagonists.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected turns in the characters' actions and dialogue, keeping the audience on edge about the outcome of their conflict.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around power dynamics and control within relationships. Jack's desire for independence clashes with Wendy's influence over his decisions, challenging his beliefs about personal agency and autonomy.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, eliciting feelings of tension, fear, and empathy for the characters. The dramatic moments and revelations resonate with the audience, drawing them into the story.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue in the scene is impactful, conveying the emotional turmoil and conflict between the characters effectively. It drives the narrative forward and reveals key aspects of the characters' relationships.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the intense emotional conflict between the characters, the high stakes of their decisions, and the suspenseful atmosphere created by the visual descriptions.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, with a rhythmic flow that enhances the emotional impact of the characters' interactions.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and concise, following the expected format for its genre and enhancing the visual storytelling.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format that effectively builds tension and emotional conflict between the characters, fitting the expected format for its genre.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the escalating tension between Jack and Wendy, showcasing their conflicting priorities regarding Danny's safety and Jack's obsession with his work. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext to deepen the emotional stakes. Jack's anger feels somewhat one-dimensional; exploring his internal conflict could add layers to his character.
  • The transitions between cuts are somewhat abrupt, particularly the shift from Jack and Wendy's argument to the blood gushing in the hotel lobby. While this juxtaposition is visually striking, it may confuse the audience regarding the emotional flow of the scene. A smoother transition or a clearer thematic connection between these elements would enhance coherence.
  • Wendy's emotional response is powerful, but her motivations could be more explicitly articulated. While she expresses a desire to protect Danny, adding a line or two that reflects her fears or memories of past incidents could make her urgency more relatable and impactful.
  • The physical actions of Jack destroying the coffee pot and other items in the kitchen are visually compelling but could be more thematically tied to his emotional state. Instead of just a fit of rage, consider having Jack destroy something that symbolizes his aspirations or his relationship with Wendy, which would add depth to his breakdown.
  • The scene ends with Halloran trying to make a phone call, which feels disconnected from the emotional climax of Jack and Wendy's confrontation. This could be an opportunity to create a stronger narrative thread by linking Halloran's urgency to the escalating danger at the hotel, perhaps by having him overhear something alarming on the phone.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more subtext to Jack's dialogue to reveal his internal struggle and make his anger feel more justified. This could involve him reflecting on his past failures or fears about not being a good father.
  • Smooth out the transitions between cuts to maintain emotional continuity. For example, you could use sound design or visual motifs that connect Jack's rage to the blood in the lobby, emphasizing the horror of the situation.
  • Enhance Wendy's character by including a line that reflects her past experiences or fears regarding Danny's safety, making her motivations clearer and more relatable.
  • Make Jack's destruction of items in the kitchen more symbolic. Perhaps he could destroy something that represents his writing or his relationship with Wendy, which would add emotional weight to his actions.
  • Link Halloran's phone call more closely to the events in the hotel. Perhaps he could overhear a concerning report about the Torrance family, creating a sense of urgency that parallels Jack and Wendy's conflict.



Scene 35 - Stormy Concerns and Social Intrigues
INT. RANGER'S OFFICE - M.S.

RANGER sitting at radio with phone to ear.

RANGER
(into phone)
Yes, I'm afraid a lot of lines
around here are down, due to the
storm.

CUT TO:

INT. MIAMI - HALLORAN'S APARTMENT - M.S.

HALLORAN, phone to ear, at window.

HALLORAN
(into phone)
Well, look sir, I hate to put you
to any trouble, but there's a
family up there all by themselves
with a young kid, and with this
storm and everything.

HALLORAN moves L-R. CAMERA TRACKS with him. He puts phone
on table.

HALLORAN
(into phone)
I'd sure appreciate it if you'd
give them a call on your radio just
to see if everything is okay.

CUT TO:

INT. RANGER'S OFFICE - M.S.

RANGER sitting at radio, phone to ear.

RANGER
(into phone)
I'd be glad to do that, sir. Oh
why don't you call me back in about
eh twenty minutes?

HALLORAN
(over phone)
Thank you very much. I'll do that.

RANGER
(into phone)
All right, sir.


RANGER puts phone down.

CUT TO:

INT. HOTEL CORRIDOR & BALLROOM - M.L.S.

JACK walks forward along corridor to Ballroom. He turns L-R
into Ballroom - CAMERA TRACKS with him revealing crowded
Ballroom. MAITRE D standing at entrance.

MAITRE D
Good evening, Mr. Torrance.

JACK
Good evening.

JACK moves L-R across crowded Ballroom - CAMERA TRACKS with
him to LLOYD serving behind bar. JACK sits at bar. LLOYD
moves to him.

JACK
Hi Lloyd. I've been away. Now I'm
back.

LLOYD
Good evening Mr. Torrance.

LLOYD puts dishes of olives and peanuts on bar before JACK.

CUT TO:

M.S. JACK over LLOYD.

LLOYD
It's good to see you.

JACK
It's good to be back, Lloyd.

CUT TO:

M.C.S. LLOYD

LLOYD
What'll it be, sir?

CUT TO:

M.S. JACK over LLOYD

JACK
Hair of the dog that big me.

CUT TO:


M.C.S. LLOYD

LLOYD
Bourbon on the rocks.

CUT TO:

M.S. JACK over LLOYD

JACK
That'll do her.

JACK takes handful of peanuts and empties them into his
mouth. LLOYD puts ice into glass.

CUT TO:

M.C.S. LLOYD preparing drink.

CUT TO:

M.S. JACK over LLOYD. LLOYD pouring drink. JACK takes out
his wallet, takes out note and holds it out to LLOYD. LLOYD
holds up his hand.

LLOYD
No charge to you, Mr. Torrance.

JACK looks down at note and up to LLOYD.

JACK
No charge?

CUT TO:

M.C.S. LLOYD

LLOYD
Your money's no good here.

CUT TO:

M.S. JACK over LLOYD. JACK looks down at his note then up
at LLOYD.

CUT TO:

M.C.S. LLOYD

LLOYD
Orders from the house.

CUT TO:


M.S. JACK over LLOYD. JACK puts note back into his wallet.

JACK
Orders from the house.

He puts wallet away.

CUT TO:

M.L.S. LLOYD

LLOYD
Drink up, Mr. Torrance.

CUT TO:

M.S. JACK over LLOYD. JACK tucking wallet into his hip
pocket.

JACK
I'm the kind of man likes to know
who's buying their drinks, Lloyd.

CUT TO:

M.C.S. LLOYD

LLOYD
It's not a matter that concerns
you, Mr. Torrance - at least not at
this point.

CUT TO:

M.S. JACK over LLOYD. JACK smiles and picks up his drinks.

JACK
Anything you say, Lloyd. Anything
you say.

JACK turns away from bar.

CUT TO:

M.L.S. JACK moves away from bar. He dances forward to
center of room - CAMERA TRACKS after him. WOMAN enters
cam.R.f.g. and walks away. WAITER (GRADY), carrying tray of
drinks, walks forward from b.g. He bumps into WOMAN.

GRADY
Oh!

GRADY staggers forward, colliding with JACK and spilling
drinks down front of JACK's jacket.


GRADY
Oh dear, oh dear. I'm so sorry,
sir. Oh!

He puts down tray and takes advocaat glass from JACK.

GRADY
Oh dear oh dear... I've made an
awful mess of your jacket, sir.

GRADY puts glass on tray.

JACK
Oh eh that's all right. I've got
plenty of jackets.

GRADY mops JACK's jacket with his serviette.

GRADY
I'm afraid it's advocaat sir. It
tends to stain.

JACK
Advocaat is it?

GRADY
Yes sir. Look um... I think the
best thing is to come along to the
gentlemen's room, sir, and eh...

GRADY bends down and picks up his tray.

GRADY
we'll get some water to it, sir.

JACK & GRADY start to walk away to the Gentlemen's. CAMERA
TRACKS after them.

JACK
Looks as though you might have got
a spot of it on yourself there,
Jeevesy old boy.

JACK pats GRADY on his back.

GRADY
That doesn't matter, sir. You're
the important one.

JACK
Awfully nice of you to say. Of
course I intend to change my jacket
this evening before the fish and
goose soiree.


JACK & GRADY enter Gentlemen's Toilet.

GRADY
Very wise, sir. Very wise.

JACK exits cam.R behind door.

JACK (OFF)
Here, I'll just, eh...

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Horror","Drama"]

Summary The scene opens with a Ranger on the phone, addressing Halloran's worries about a family stranded in a storm, agreeing to check on them. It then shifts to Jack Torrance in a bustling ballroom, where he engages with Lloyd, the bartender, who serves him free drinks, sparking Jack's curiosity. A minor mishap occurs when Grady accidentally spills a drink on Jack, leading to a friendly exchange as Grady offers to help clean up the mess, and they head to the gentlemen's room.
Strengths
  • Tense atmosphere
  • Mysterious dialogue
  • Strong character interactions
Weaknesses
  • Lack of major plot development
  • Limited character changes

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively builds tension and mystery through the dialogue and interactions between Jack and Lloyd, setting the stage for further developments in the plot.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene, focusing on the unsettling interaction between Jack and Lloyd, is effectively realized through the dialogue and setting.

Plot: 8

The plot is advanced through the introduction of tension and mystery in the scene, setting the stage for further developments in the story.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the classic 'bar scene' trope by focusing on subtle social dynamics and character interactions. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters of Jack and Lloyd are well-developed in the scene, with their interactions adding depth to their personalities and motivations.

Character Changes: 7

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the interactions between Jack and Lloyd hint at underlying tensions and motivations.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to maintain his composure and social standing despite a minor mishap with spilled drinks. This reflects his desire to appear in control and unaffected by external events.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to handle the situation with the spilled drinks gracefully and without causing a scene. This reflects his desire to maintain his reputation and social status.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7.5

The conflict in the scene is subtle but present, adding to the overall tension and suspense.

Opposition: 6

The opposition in the scene is relatively mild, with the conflict centered around social dynamics and power struggles. The audience is left unsure of how the situation will resolve, adding a layer of tension to the scene.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are subtly raised in the scene, hinting at potential dangers and conflicts to come.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing new elements of tension and mystery, setting the stage for further developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected interactions between the characters and the subtle shifts in power dynamics. The audience is kept on their toes as they anticipate the outcome of the situation.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

There is a subtle philosophical conflict between the protagonist's desire to assert his independence and the hotel's insistence on providing for him. This challenges the protagonist's sense of self-reliance and control.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7.5

The scene evokes a sense of anxiety and concern in the audience, particularly through the interactions between Jack and Lloyd.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue in the scene is engaging and contributes to the overall tone of tension and mystery. The interactions between Jack and Lloyd are particularly effective in building suspense.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its witty dialogue, subtle humor, and character dynamics. The tension between the characters and the unfolding social drama keep the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and revealing character motivations. The rhythm of the dialogue and character interactions keeps the audience engaged and invested in the outcome.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings and descriptions of character actions and dialogue. The formatting enhances the readability and flow of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with distinct locations and character interactions. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness by building tension and revealing character motivations.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes a sense of urgency and concern through Halloran's dialogue about the family stranded in the storm. However, the transition between the Ranger's office and Halloran's apartment could be smoother to maintain the tension and flow of the narrative.
  • The dialogue is functional but lacks emotional depth. While Halloran expresses concern, the Ranger's responses feel somewhat flat and could benefit from more personality or urgency to reflect the gravity of the situation.
  • The visual transitions between the Ranger's office and the crowded ballroom are abrupt. The shift from a tense phone call to a lively ballroom could be more gradual, perhaps by incorporating a visual motif or sound that connects the two locations.
  • Jack's entrance into the ballroom feels somewhat disconnected from the previous scene's tension. It would be more impactful if there were a visual or auditory cue that links Jack's arrival to the ongoing storm and Halloran's concerns.
  • The character of Lloyd is introduced but lacks depth in this scene. His interactions with Jack could be more layered, perhaps hinting at his awareness of Jack's struggles or the hotel's dark history, which would enrich the atmosphere.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of reflection or concern from the Ranger after the phone call, which could enhance the sense of urgency and the stakes involved.
  • Incorporate more subtext in the dialogue between Halloran and the Ranger. For example, the Ranger could express skepticism or fear about the storm, which would heighten the tension.
  • Use sound design to bridge the transition between the Ranger's office and the ballroom. Perhaps the sound of the storm could fade into the background noise of the ballroom, creating a more seamless transition.
  • Introduce a visual element that connects Jack's arrival in the ballroom to the previous scene, such as a shot of the storm outside the hotel windows, to remind the audience of the ongoing danger.
  • Develop Lloyd's character further by giving him a line that hints at his knowledge of the hotel's history or Jack's past, which would create a more layered interaction and foreshadow future events.



Scene 36 - Confrontation in the Men's Room
INT. MEN'S TOILET - M.L.S.

Men's toilet. JACK moves in from cam.L.b.g. He holds door
open.

JACK
hold this for you there, Jeevesy.

GRADY enters cam.L.

GRADY
Thank you, sir. Thank you.

GRADY walks forward and puts his tray down on basins cam.R.
JACK walks forward.

GRADY
Now let's see if we can improve
this with a little water, sir.

GRADY soaks his serviette under tap. JACK puts glass down
cam.L and turns to GRADY cam.R.

JACK
Right, I'll just set my bourbon and
advocaat down right there.

JACK laughs. GRADY starts to sponge JACK with serviette.

GRADY
Won't keep you a moment, sir.

JACK
Fine.

GRADY sponges JACK.

JACK
What do they call you around here,
Jeevesy?


GRADY
Grady, sir. Delbert Grady.

CUT TO:

M.S. JACK over GRADY. GRADY sponging JACK's jacket.

JACK
Grady?

GRADY
Yes, sir.

JACK
Delbert Grady.

GRADY
That's right, sir.

GRADY sponges JACK's trousers.

JACK
Eh, Mr. Grady...

JACK clears his throat.

JACK (CONT'D)
haven't I seen you somewhere before?

GRADY
Why no, sir. I don't believe so.

GRADY turns cam.L to basins to rinse serviette under tap.
He turns back to JACK and sponges his jacket.

GRADY
Ah ha, it's coming off now, sir.

JACK
Eh... Mr. Grady... weren't you once
the caretaker here?

GRADY
Why no, sir. I don't believe so.

GRADY sponges JACK's trousers.

JACK
You er a married man, are you, Mr.
Grady?

GRADY sponges JACK's jacket sleeve.


GRADY
Yes, sir. I have a wife and eh two
daughters, sir.

JACK
And, er... where are they now?

GRADY
Oh, they're somewhere around. I'm
not quite sure at the moment, sir.

JACK takes serviette away from GRADY and wipes his hand with
it.

JACK
Mr. Grady, you were the caretaker
here. I recognize you. I saw your
picture in the newspapers. You
eh... chopped your wife and
daughters up into little bits, and
eh... and you blew your brains out.

JACK throws serviette into basin cam.L.

CUT TO:

M.L.S. GRADY over JACK.

GRADY
That's strange, sir. I don't have
any recollection of that at all.
Mr. Grady, you were the caretaker
here.

CUT TO:

M.S. JACK over GRADY.

GRADY
I'm sorry to differ with you, sir,
but you are the caretaker. You
have always been the caretaker, I
should know, sir. I've always been
here.

CUT TO:

M.C.S. JACK laughs.

CUT TO:

M.C.S. GRADY


GRADY
Did you know, Mr. Torrance, that
your son... is attempting to bring
an outside party into this situation?
Did you know that?

CUT TO:

M.C.S. JACK. He shakes his head.

JACK
No.

CUT TO:

M.C.S. GRADY

GRADY
He is, Mr. Torrance.

CUT TO:

M.C.S. JACK

JACK
Who?

CUT TO:

M.C.S. GRADY

GRADY
A nigger.

CUT TO:

M.C.S. JACK

JACK
A nigger!

CUT TO:

M.C.S. GRADY

GRADY
A nigger cook.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Horror","Thriller"]

Summary In a tense encounter in the men's toilet, Jack confronts Grady, the former caretaker who murdered his family, while Grady cleans Jack's clothing. Grady denies his violent past and insists that Jack is the true caretaker. The conversation escalates as Grady reveals that Jack's son is attempting to involve an outsider, specifically a 'nigger cook,' into their troubled situation, leaving the conflict unresolved and the atmosphere unsettling.
Strengths
  • Tension-building
  • Revelation of dark past
  • Character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Use of racial slur
  • Limited female representation

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene is well-crafted, effectively building tension and mystery through the dialogue and interaction between Jack and Grady. The revelation of Grady's past as the caretaker adds depth to the story and increases the sense of foreboding.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of revealing Grady's dark past as the caretaker of the hotel is a pivotal moment in the story, adding layers of complexity to the characters and setting. The scene effectively explores themes of guilt, redemption, and the supernatural.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene revolves around the revelation of Grady's past and its implications for Jack and the overall story. The interaction between the characters drives the narrative forward and sets up future conflicts and developments.

Originality: 9

The scene is original in its approach to exploring themes of memory, identity, and truth through subtle dialogue and actions. The authenticity of the characters' interactions adds depth to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Jack Torrance and Delbert Grady are well-developed and intriguing, with their complex histories and motivations adding depth to the scene. The dynamic between the two characters creates tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged.

Character Changes: 8

The revelation of Grady's past prompts a significant change in Jack's perception of the hotel and his own safety, setting the stage for future developments in his character arc. The scene marks a turning point in Jack's understanding of the supernatural forces at play.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to uncover the truth about the caretaker's past and his identity. This reflects the protagonist's curiosity and suspicion, as well as his desire to protect himself and his family.

External Goal: 7.5

The protagonist's external goal is to confront the caretaker about his past and potentially dangerous intentions. This reflects the immediate challenge of dealing with a potentially dangerous individual in close proximity.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, as Jack grapples with the revelation of Grady's past and its implications for his own sanity and safety. The tension between the characters and the sense of foreboding create a palpable conflict that drives the scene forward.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing a challenging and potentially dangerous individual. The uncertainty of the caretaker's true identity adds to the tension.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in the scene, as the revelation of Grady's past raises questions about the characters' safety and sanity. The implications of Grady's dark history add a sense of danger and urgency to the story, increasing the tension and suspense.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by revealing crucial information about Grady's past and its connection to the hotel's dark history. The interaction between Jack and Grady sets up future conflicts and plot developments, driving the narrative towards its climax.

Unpredictability: 8.5

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected revelations about the caretaker's past and identity. The shifting dynamics between the characters add to the suspense.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the themes of identity, memory, and truth. The protagonist's belief in his own perception of reality is challenged by the caretaker's denial of his past actions.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene has a strong emotional impact, eliciting feelings of tension, fear, and intrigue in the audience. The revelation of Grady's dark past and its implications for the characters create a sense of unease and anticipation.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene is sharp, impactful, and reveals crucial information about the characters and their relationships. The exchanges between Jack and Grady are tense and cryptic, adding to the overall sense of unease and mystery.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the subtle tension and mystery that builds throughout the interaction between the characters. The dialogue and actions keep the audience on edge.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by gradually building tension and suspense through the characters' interactions and revelations. The rhythm of the dialogue enhances the scene's impact.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions. The formatting enhances the readability and flow of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness.


Critique
  • The dialogue in this scene is somewhat disjointed and lacks a natural flow. While the interaction between Jack and Grady is intended to create tension, the back-and-forth feels forced at times, particularly when Grady repeatedly denies being the caretaker. This could be improved by incorporating more subtext and emotional weight into their exchanges, allowing the audience to feel the underlying tension without it being explicitly stated.
  • The character of Grady comes off as overly compliant and almost robotic in his responses. This could detract from the horror element, as he should evoke a sense of unease rather than simply being a passive character. Adding layers to Grady's character, such as hints of his past actions or a more sinister demeanor, could enhance the scene's tension.
  • The use of the term 'nigger' is jarring and may alienate some viewers. While it may be intended to reflect Jack's descent into madness and the influence of the hotel, it could be more effective to convey this through other means that do not rely on racially charged language. This would allow the scene to maintain its horror elements without crossing into potentially offensive territory.
  • The setting of the men's toilet is an interesting choice, but it could be utilized more effectively to heighten the tension. The confined space could amplify the sense of entrapment and danger. Consider incorporating more sensory details, such as the sounds of dripping water or the stark lighting, to create a more immersive atmosphere.
  • The scene lacks a clear emotional arc. While there is tension, it feels static rather than building towards a climax. Introducing a moment of realization or a shift in Jack's demeanor could create a more dynamic progression, leading to a more impactful conclusion.
Suggestions
  • Revise the dialogue to include more subtext and emotional depth. Allow Jack's paranoia and Grady's sinister nature to emerge through their interactions without being overtly stated.
  • Develop Grady's character further to make him more unsettling. Consider giving him a more ambiguous demeanor or hints at his violent past that create a sense of dread.
  • Reconsider the use of racially charged language. Explore alternative ways to convey Jack's madness and the influence of the hotel without resorting to potentially offensive terms.
  • Enhance the setting by incorporating more sensory details that evoke the atmosphere of the men's toilet. Use sound and lighting to create a more claustrophobic and tense environment.
  • Introduce a clear emotional arc for Jack throughout the scene. Consider adding a moment where he realizes the gravity of his situation or experiences a shift in his mental state, leading to a more impactful climax.



Scene 37 - Authority in the Shadows
INT. MEN'S LAVATORY - M.C.S.

JACK


JACK
How?

CUT TO:

M.C.S. GRADY

GRADY
Your son has a very great talent.
I don't think you are aware how
great it is, but he is attempting
to use that very talent against
your will.

CUT TO:

M.C.S. JACK

JACK
Well, he is a very willful boy.

JACK smiles.

CUT TO:

M.C.S. GRADY.

GRADY
Indeed, he is, Mr. Torrance. A
very willful boy. A rather naughty
boy, if I may be so bold, sir.

CUT TO:

M.C.S. JACK. He looks about.

JACK
It's his mother.

JACK looks about.

JACK
She eh... interferes.

CUT TO:

M.C.S. GRADY.

GRADY
Perhaps they need a good talking
to, if you don't mind my saying so.
Perhaps a bit more.

CUT TO:


M.C.S. JACK.

GRADY (OFF)
My girls, sir, they didn't care for
the Overlook at first. One of them
actually stole a packet of matches

CUT TO:

M.C.S. GRADY

GRADY (CONT'D)
and tried to burn it down. But I
corrected them, sir. And when my
wife tried to prevent me from doing
my duty I corrected her.

CUT TO:

M.C.S. JACK smiles.

CUT TO:

M.C.S. GRADY.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Horror","Psychological Thriller"]

Summary In a tense conversation in a men's lavatory, Jack and Grady discuss Jack's son, who is using his significant talent against Jack's will. Grady suggests that Jack needs to adopt a firmer parenting approach, drawing from his own experiences with discipline. Jack acknowledges his son's willfulness but deflects responsibility onto his wife. The scene highlights the conflict between their differing views on parenting, leaving the conversation unresolved and filled with ominous implications as Grady ends with a chilling smile.
Strengths
  • Tense dialogue
  • Revealing character interactions
  • Building suspense
Weaknesses
  • Lack of action
  • Limited character movement

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively builds tension and reveals crucial information about the characters and their relationships. The dialogue is impactful and sets the stage for future developments.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of the scene, focusing on the revelation of dark secrets and the manipulation of characters, is intriguing and sets up future conflicts and plot developments effectively.

Plot: 8

The plot is advanced through the revelation of information about Jack, his son, and the history of the hotel. The scene sets up potential conflicts and character arcs that will drive the narrative forward.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the theme of family dynamics and psychological horror. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and contribute to the overall sense of unease and suspense.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters of Jack and Grady are developed through their dialogue and interactions, revealing their motivations and relationships. Their dynamic adds depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 7

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the revelations and interactions hint at potential shifts in Jack's perception and behavior in future scenes.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to navigate the complex dynamics of his family and the challenges they face. It reflects his desire to protect his son and maintain control over his family.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to address the concerns raised by Grady about his son's behavior and his wife's interference. It reflects the immediate challenges he is facing in maintaining order and control.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between Jack and Grady, as well as the underlying tension and manipulation, creates a sense of unease and suspense in the scene.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting viewpoints and motivations that create tension and conflict. The audience is left unsure of how the characters will resolve their differences.

High Stakes: 8

The high stakes are implied through the cryptic warnings and revelations in the scene, hinting at potential danger and conflict for the characters involved.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by revealing crucial information about the characters and setting up future conflicts and plot developments. It advances the narrative effectively.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the subtle tension and ambiguity in the characters' interactions. The audience is left uncertain about the outcome of the conversation.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the clash between authority and free will. Grady represents a strict and authoritarian approach, while Jack's character embodies a more lenient and permissive attitude.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene evokes fear, tension, and anxiety through its unsettling dialogue and character dynamics. The emotional impact adds depth to the narrative and engages the audience.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is cryptic, tense, and impactful, revealing key information about the characters and their past. It effectively conveys the sense of unease and foreboding in the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its tense atmosphere, mysterious dialogue, and psychological depth. The audience is drawn into the characters' complex dynamics and motivations.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and suspense gradually, leading to a climactic moment of revelation.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings and concise dialogue.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear progression of dialogue and action that builds tension and suspense.


Critique
  • The dialogue between Jack and Grady is intriguing but lacks a clear emotional arc. While it establishes a sinister tone, the conversation feels somewhat disjointed and could benefit from a more cohesive flow that builds tension and reveals character motivations more effectively.
  • Grady's character is introduced with a chilling undertone, but his motivations and the implications of his advice to Jack could be more explicitly stated. The dialogue hints at a dark past, but it doesn't fully explore the psychological implications of Grady's actions or how they relate to Jack's current state.
  • The use of cuts between Jack and Grady creates a visual rhythm, but it can also disrupt the emotional intensity of the scene. Consider using longer takes or fewer cuts to allow the tension to build more organically between the characters.
  • The scene's setting in a men's lavatory is effective for creating a sense of confinement and discomfort, but it could be enhanced with more sensory details. Describing the sounds, smells, and atmosphere of the lavatory could heighten the tension and immerse the audience further into the scene.
  • The dialogue contains a problematic racial slur that may alienate some audiences. While it may serve to illustrate Grady's character, consider finding a way to convey his prejudices without using such explicit language, which can detract from the overall impact of the scene.
Suggestions
  • Enhance the emotional stakes by incorporating Jack's internal conflict about his parenting and his relationship with Wendy. This could be achieved through more introspective dialogue or visual cues that reflect his turmoil.
  • Consider adding a moment where Jack reacts more strongly to Grady's comments about his son and wife. This could create a more dynamic exchange and emphasize Jack's growing paranoia and instability.
  • Introduce a physical element to the scene, such as Jack fidgeting or Grady's body language becoming more aggressive, to visually represent the escalating tension between them.
  • Explore the implications of Grady's advice more deeply. Perhaps Jack could question Grady's methods or express doubt about his own authority as a father, which would add layers to their conversation.
  • Use the setting to your advantage by incorporating elements that reflect the characters' mental states, such as mirrors that distort their reflections or flickering lights that symbolize their unstable realities.



Scene 38 - Descent into Distress
INT. HOTEL - JACK'S APARTMENT - M.S.

WENDY, crying and holding cigarette, walks R-L from Living
Room into Bedroom. CAMERA PANS with her.

WENDY
(to herself)
We have the Snowcat. If the
weather breaks, we might just be
able to get down the mountain in
that.

WENDY turns and walks L-R back into LIVING ROOM - CAMERA
TRACKS IN and PANS with her.

WENDY
(to herself)
I could call the Forest Rangers
first and then tell them that we're
coming so that they could start
searching for us, in case we didn't
make it.

WENDY turns and walks R-L into Bedroom - CAMERA PANS with her.


WENDY
(to herself)
If Jack won't come with us, we'll
just have to tell him that we are
going by ourselves. That's all
there is to it.

DANNY (OFF)
Red Rum. Red Rum.

WENDY reacts and turns to cam.R. She runs away to DANNY's
bedroom door in b.g.

DANNY (OFF)
Red Rum. Red Rum.

CUT TO:

INT. DANNY'S BEDROOM - M.S.

WENDY opens door and stands in doorway.

WENDY
Danny?

DANNY (OFF)
Red Rum. Red Rum. Red Rum.

WENDY moves R-L from door. CAMERA PANS with her and TRACKS
BACK to reveal DANNY sitting up in bed. WENDY sits beside
him.

DANNY
Red Rum.

WENDY
Danny... what's the matter, hon?

DANNY
Red Rum.

WENDY
Are you having a bad dream?

CUT TO:

M.C.S. DANNY over WENDY

WENDY
Danny? Hon?


TONY
Danny's not here, Mrs. Torrance.

CUT TO:

M.C.S. WENDY over DANNY

WENDY
Come on, hon, wake up. You just
had a bad dream. Everything's okay.

CUT TO:

M.C.S. DANNY over WENDY.

TONY
Danny can't wake up, Mrs. Torrance.

CUT TO:

M.C.S. WENDY over DANNY.

WENDY
Danny, wake up! Come on, right now,

CUT TO:

M.C.S. DANNY over WENDY.

WENDY
Wake up.

TONY
Danny's gone away, Mrs. Torrance.

CUT TO:

M.C.S. WENDY over DANNY.

WENDY
Danny...

She leans forward and puts her arm round him. She strokes
his hair.

DISSOLVE TO:
Genres: ["Horror","Psychological Thriller"]

Summary In a tense hotel scene, Wendy, overwhelmed and smoking, contemplates escaping the snowbound mountain with or without Jack. As she hears Danny repeatedly saying 'Red Rum,' she rushes to his bedroom, finding him in a trance-like state. Danny's alter ego, Tony, reveals that Danny cannot wake up, deepening Wendy's anxiety. The scene captures Wendy's emotional turmoil and determination to protect her son amidst the eerie isolation, culminating in a moment of vulnerability as she tries to comfort Danny.
Strengths
  • Building tension
  • Emotional depth of characters
  • Mysterious atmosphere
Weaknesses
  • Limited external conflict
  • Some repetitive dialogue

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively builds tension and sets up a sense of foreboding through the dialogue and actions of the characters. The mysterious element of 'Red Rum' adds an intriguing layer to the scene, keeping the audience engaged.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene revolves around the psychological disturbance within the characters, particularly Danny's cryptic utterances and Wendy's growing unease. The introduction of 'Red Rum' adds a layer of mystery and sets the stage for further developments.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene focuses on the escalating tension between Wendy and Danny, hinting at deeper psychological issues within the family. The introduction of 'Red Rum' foreshadows potential danger and conflict.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the survival thriller genre, with a focus on the characters' emotional struggles and internal conflicts. The dialogue feels authentic and adds depth to the characters.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters of Wendy and Danny are well-developed in this scene, with Wendy's maternal concern contrasting with Danny's cryptic behavior. Their interactions reveal underlying tensions and fears, adding depth to their relationship.

Character Changes: 8

Both Wendy and Danny undergo subtle changes in this scene, with Wendy's concern deepening and Danny's behavior becoming more cryptic. These changes hint at further developments in their characters.

Internal Goal: 8

Wendy's internal goal is to protect her son Danny and ensure their survival in the face of danger. This reflects her deeper need for security and safety.

External Goal: 7

Wendy's external goal is to find a way to get down the mountain safely and seek help from the Forest Rangers. This reflects the immediate challenge of their precarious situation.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, revolving around the psychological states of the characters and the underlying tensions within the family. The introduction of 'Red Rum' hints at external conflicts to come.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the characters facing internal and external challenges that threaten their survival. The audience is kept on edge by the uncertainty of the situation.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes in the scene are primarily emotional and psychological, with Wendy's concern for Danny and the mysterious element of 'Red Rum' hinting at potential danger. The scene sets up high stakes for the characters.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing a mysterious element with 'Red Rum' and deepening the psychological tension within the family. It sets the stage for future conflicts and developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected turn of events with Danny's behavior and the mysterious presence of Tony. The audience is left unsure of what will happen next.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between the characters' belief in their ability to survive and the ominous presence of danger. This challenges Wendy's values of protection and safety.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene evokes a strong emotional response from the audience, particularly through Wendy's concern for Danny and the mysterious element of 'Red Rum.' The tension and unease created contribute to the emotional impact.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the emotional states of the characters, particularly Wendy's concern and Danny's cryptic utterances. The repetition of 'Red Rum' adds a chilling undertone to the conversation.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the high stakes, emotional intensity, and suspenseful atmosphere. The audience is invested in the characters' survival and the resolution of the mystery.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, with a gradual escalation of events leading to a dramatic climax.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene descriptions and character actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a suspenseful thriller, with a clear progression of events and character interactions.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension through Wendy's emotional state and her desperate thoughts about escaping the hotel. However, the dialogue feels somewhat repetitive, particularly with Wendy's internal monologue. While it conveys her anxiety, it could be streamlined to maintain the audience's engagement.
  • The use of 'Red Rum' as a repeated phrase is a strong choice, creating an eerie atmosphere and foreshadowing. However, the transition from Wendy's thoughts to Danny's repetition could be more seamless. The abrupt shift might confuse viewers, so consider integrating Danny's voice more fluidly into Wendy's thought process.
  • The character of Wendy is portrayed as distressed and determined, which is effective. However, her dialogue could benefit from more variation in tone and content. Instead of solely focusing on the escape plan, she could express her fears or memories related to Jack, adding depth to her character and the situation.
  • The scene's pacing is generally good, but the transitions between Wendy's movements could be tightened. For instance, instead of having her walk back and forth between rooms, consider using a single, more dynamic movement that encapsulates her urgency and emotional turmoil.
  • The introduction of Tony as a voice in Danny's dialogue is chilling and adds to the supernatural elements of the story. However, the dialogue could be more impactful if it included a brief moment of recognition or fear from Wendy before she hears Tony's voice, enhancing the tension.
Suggestions
  • Condense Wendy's internal monologue to focus on her most pressing thoughts, perhaps highlighting her fear for Danny's safety and her determination to escape.
  • Integrate Danny's 'Red Rum' repetition more smoothly into Wendy's dialogue, perhaps by having her react to it as she contemplates her escape, creating a more cohesive flow.
  • Add emotional depth to Wendy's character by including a line or two that reflects her fears about Jack or memories of happier times, which would contrast with her current distress.
  • Consider using a single, more dynamic movement for Wendy instead of multiple back-and-forths, which could heighten the sense of urgency and emotional turmoil.
  • Introduce a moment of recognition or fear from Wendy before Danny speaks as Tony, which would enhance the tension and foreshadowing in the scene.



Scene 39 - Desperate Signals
INT. HOTEL LOBBY - M.L.S.

JACK walking L-R past reception desk. CAMERA TRACKS with
him to office. He goes in and switches on lights.


RANGER
(over radio)
This is KDK 1 calling KDK 12. KDK
1 calling KDK 12. Are you receiving
me? This is KDK 1 calling KDK 12.
KDK 1 calling KDK 12. Do you read
me?

CUT TO:

INT. HOTEL - OFFICE - M.L.S.

JACK walks from office into inner office. CAMERA TRACKS
after him. He stops by radio set.

RANGER
(over radio)
This is KDK 1 calling KDK 12. KDK
1 calling KDK 12. Are you
receiving me?

CUT TO:

M.S. JACK looking down at radio set. He tries to take the
cover off.

RANGER
(over radio)
KDK 1 calling KDK 12. KDK 1
calling KDK 12. Do you read me?

JACK unscrews back of set and lifts cover off radio. He
drops it on floor.

RANGER
(over radio)
This is KDK 1 calling KDK 12. KDK
1 calling KDK 12.

He reaches out to the set with his hand.

CUT TO:

M.C.S. JACK's hand touches component in set. He pulls it out.

RANGER
(over radio)
Are you recei...

He pulls two more components out of set. He rattles them in
his hand, then moves out cam.L.

DISSOLVE TO:
Genres: ["Thriller","Drama"]

Summary In a tense hotel office, JACK struggles to fix a malfunctioning radio while trying to respond to a ranger's urgent calls for communication with KDK 12. His determination is palpable as he unscrews the radio's cover and pulls out components, reflecting his frustration and desperation. The scene builds suspense as JACK's efforts remain unresolved, leaving the outcome uncertain.
Strengths
  • Building tension
  • Effective atmosphere
  • Character development
Weaknesses
  • Minimal dialogue
  • Limited character interaction

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.2

The scene effectively builds tension and mystery through Jack's actions with the radio set, creating a sense of isolation and foreboding in the hotel.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of Jack trying to fix the radio set in a moment of distress adds depth to his character and enhances the overall atmosphere of the scene.

Plot: 8

The plot progression is driven by Jack's actions with the radio set, showcasing his isolation and the escalating tension within the hotel.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a unique situation of troubleshooting a radio set in a high-pressure environment, adding authenticity to the characters' actions and dialogue.


Character Development

Characters: 8

Jack's character is further developed through his interactions with the radio set, highlighting his resourcefulness and determination in a challenging situation.

Character Changes: 7

Jack undergoes a subtle change as he confronts the malfunctioning radio set, showcasing his resourcefulness and determination in a challenging situation.

Internal Goal: 8

Jack's internal goal in this scene is to troubleshoot the radio set and establish communication. This reflects his need for control and problem-solving skills.

External Goal: 7

Jack's external goal is to establish communication with KDK 12. This reflects the immediate challenge he is facing in the scene.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7.5

The conflict in the scene is internal, as Jack grapples with the malfunctioning radio set and the sense of isolation it represents.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with technical difficulties and communication obstacles adding to the suspense.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are moderately high as Jack tries to fix the radio set in a moment of distress, reflecting the growing tension and unease in the hotel.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by highlighting Jack's increasing isolation and the deteriorating situation in the hotel, setting the stage for future developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected obstacles Jack faces in troubleshooting the radio set.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

There is a philosophical conflict between the need for communication and the obstacles preventing it. This challenges Jack's beliefs about the importance of clear communication in high-pressure situations.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7.5

The scene evokes a sense of unease and tension, creating an emotional impact on the audience as they witness Jack's struggle with the radio set.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue is minimal but effective in conveying Jack's frustration and the urgency of the situation, adding to the overall tension of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its fast-paced action and suspenseful atmosphere.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining tension and keeping the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings and action descriptions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear transitions and a focus on the protagonist's actions.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension through the use of the radio communication, which creates a sense of urgency and isolation. However, the dialogue from the Ranger is repetitive and could be streamlined to maintain the audience's engagement. Instead of repeating 'KDK 1 calling KDK 12' multiple times, consider varying the phrasing or reducing the frequency of the calls to keep the tension high without losing momentum.
  • The visual transitions between the lobby and the office are clear, but the scene could benefit from more descriptive action to convey Jack's emotional state. As he interacts with the radio, adding internal thoughts or physical reactions (like frustration or desperation) could deepen the audience's connection to his character and the stakes of the situation.
  • The scene lacks a strong emotional anchor. While Jack's actions are technically focused on fixing the radio, there is little insight into his motivations or feelings about the situation. Incorporating a moment of reflection or a flashback could enhance the emotional weight of his actions, making the audience more invested in his struggle.
  • The use of cuts to emphasize Jack's actions is effective, but the pacing could be improved. The scene feels somewhat disjointed due to the abrupt transitions. Consider using more fluid transitions or maintaining a continuous shot that follows Jack's movements to create a more cohesive flow.
  • The dialogue from the Ranger serves its purpose but could be enhanced by adding a sense of urgency or desperation in the Ranger's tone. This would reflect the gravity of the situation and make Jack's struggle with the radio feel more critical.
Suggestions
  • Streamline the Ranger's dialogue to avoid redundancy and maintain tension. Consider reducing the number of times he repeats his call or varying the phrasing to keep it engaging.
  • Add internal monologue or physical reactions from Jack to convey his emotional state and heighten the stakes of the scene. This could help the audience connect with his desperation.
  • Incorporate a moment of reflection or a flashback to provide context for Jack's actions and deepen the emotional impact of the scene.
  • Improve the pacing by using more fluid transitions or continuous shots that follow Jack's movements, creating a more cohesive flow throughout the scene.
  • Enhance the urgency in the Ranger's dialogue to reflect the critical nature of the situation, making Jack's struggle with the radio feel more significant.



Scene 40 - Urgent Concerns
INT. MIAMI - HALLORAN'S APARTMENT - NIGHT - M.S.

HALLORAN, phone to ear, walks R-L towards window. CAMERA
PANS with him.

RANGER
(over phone)
Good evening. Forest Service.

HALLORAN
(into phone)
Hallo, this is Dick Halloran again.
I called a while ago about the
folks at the Overlook Hotel.

CUT TO:

INT. RANGER'S OFFICE - NIGHT - M.S.

RANGER sitting at radio, phone to ear.

RANGER
(into phone)
Oh yeah. We tried to contract them
several times by radio, but they
didn't answer.

MAN enters from cam.R.f.g. and walks away to b.g.

RANGER
(into phone)
Now, maybe they've got their radio
turned off or they're in a place
where they can't hear it. If you
like me to, I'd be glad to try them
again later on.

CUT TO:

INT. MIAMI - HALLORAN'S APARTMENT - NIGHT - M.S.

HALLORAN, phone to ear.

HALLORAN
(into phone)
Oh, that's very nice of you. I'll
call you back later. Bye.

He walks L-R. CAMERA TRACKS & PANS with him. He puts phone
down on receiver, and puts his hand up to his head.

CUT TO:

BLACK FRAMES.


Superimposition:

8 a.m.

CUT TO:

EXT. SKY - DAY - L.S.

D.C.10 in flight.

CUT TO:

INT. D.C.10 - M.C.S.

HALLORAN sitting in seat. CAMERA TRACKS BACK to reveal
other passengers in their seats. HALLORAN turns in his seat
and looks cam.L. STEWARDESS enters from cam.L and stops
beside HALLORAN.

HALLORAN
Pardon me, miss. What time will we
get to Denver?

STEWARDESS
We're due to arrive at 8:20, sir.

HALLORAN
Thank you very much.

STEWARDESS walks out cam.R. HALLORAN looks at his wristwatch.

DISSOLVE TO:
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary Halloran, anxious about the Overlook Hotel, speaks with a ranger who informs him of failed attempts to contact the hotel. After expressing gratitude, he decides to call back later. The scene shifts to a D.C.10 airplane where Halloran inquires about their arrival time in Denver, reflecting his urgency as he checks his watch after receiving the information.
Strengths
  • Tension-building
  • Urgency portrayal
  • Character desperation
Weaknesses
  • Limited character interaction
  • Minimal visual elements

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys the urgency and desperation of Halloran's situation, keeping the audience engaged and concerned about the characters involved.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of communication breakdown and the characters' desperate attempts to reach out for help in a dire situation is compelling and drives the scene forward.

Plot: 8.5

The plot progression in the scene is crucial as it highlights the escalating conflict and the characters' high stakes situation, moving the story towards a critical point.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the theme of responsibility and communication, with a focus on the practical aspects of reaching out to others in need. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and grounded in reality.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters' actions and dialogue reflect their desperation and concern, adding depth to their motivations and emotional states.

Character Changes: 8

Halloran's character undergoes a change as he becomes more desperate and determined to reach out for help, showcasing his resilience and resourcefulness.

Internal Goal: 8

Halloran's internal goal in this scene is to ensure the safety and well-being of the people at the Overlook Hotel. This reflects his deeper desire to protect others and fulfill his role as a responsible individual.

External Goal: 7.5

Halloran's external goal is to establish communication with the Overlook Hotel and offer assistance if needed. This reflects the immediate challenge of ensuring the safety of the hotel guests.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8.5

The conflict in the scene is high due to the characters' desperate situation and the obstacles they face in trying to communicate effectively, creating tension and suspense.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create tension and uncertainty about the protagonist's ability to reach his goals, adding depth to the narrative.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in the scene as the characters face a life-threatening situation and the need for urgent help, adding intensity and urgency to the narrative.

Story Forward: 9

The scene effectively moves the story forward by introducing a critical development in the characters' situation and setting the stage for further escalation and resolution.

Unpredictability: 6.5

This scene is unpredictable because it introduces new information and challenges for the protagonist, keeping the audience engaged and curious about the outcome.

Philosophical Conflict: 6.5

There is a subtle philosophical conflict between the duty of the Forest Service Ranger to communicate with the Overlook Hotel and Halloran's personal concern for the people there. This challenges Halloran's belief in taking direct action to help others.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene's emotional impact is significant, as the audience is invested in the characters' plight and feels their desperation and urgency.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue effectively conveys the urgency and concern of the characters, driving the scene's emotional impact and maintaining the tension.

Engagement: 7.5

This scene is engaging because it effectively establishes the stakes and challenges faced by the protagonist, drawing the audience into the narrative.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-managed, with a smooth rhythm that keeps the story moving forward and maintains the audience's interest.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is well-executed, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting. It follows the expected format for a screenplay in this genre.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with smooth transitions between locations and characters. The formatting adheres to the expected format for a screenplay in this genre.


Critique
  • The scene effectively transitions between Halloran's apartment and the ranger's office, creating a sense of urgency regarding the situation at the Overlook Hotel. However, the dialogue lacks tension and emotional weight, which could enhance the stakes of Halloran's concern for the Torrance family.
  • The use of cutaways to the ranger's office is a good technique to show the parallel actions, but the ranger's dialogue feels somewhat flat and procedural. This could be an opportunity to inject more personality or urgency into the ranger's character, making the audience feel the gravity of the situation.
  • Halloran's reaction to the ranger's information is understated. Given the context of the story, where the safety of the Torrance family is at stake, Halloran's concern should be more palpable. His body language and facial expressions could reflect a growing sense of dread or urgency.
  • The scene ends abruptly after Halloran hangs up the phone, which may leave the audience feeling disconnected. A stronger emotional beat or a moment of reflection from Halloran could provide a more satisfying conclusion to the scene.
  • The transition to the airplane scene is visually interesting, but the superimposition of '8 a.m.' feels somewhat disjointed. It might be more effective to integrate this time jump into the narrative flow rather than presenting it as a separate visual element.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more emotional depth to Halloran's dialogue. He could express his fears or concerns more explicitly, perhaps by referencing specific incidents or feelings about the Torrance family.
  • Enhance the ranger's character by giving him a unique voice or perspective on the situation. This could involve adding a line that reflects his own experiences with the Overlook or the dangers of the winter season.
  • Incorporate Halloran's physical reactions to the news he receives. For example, he could pace or show signs of agitation, which would visually communicate his rising concern.
  • Add a moment of reflection for Halloran after the phone call, where he contemplates the implications of the ranger's words. This could serve to heighten the tension and foreshadow the impending danger.
  • Reconsider the transition to the airplane scene. Instead of a superimposed time, you could use a visual cue, such as Halloran looking at his watch, to create a smoother narrative flow.



Scene 41 - Blocked Paths
INT. HOTEL - LOUNGE - L.S.

Shooting through entrance onto JACK seated, back to camera,
typing at table in b.g. CAMERA TRACKS FORWARD onto JACK.

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. AIRPORT - DAY - L.S.

D.C.10 moves away along flare path, as it lands.

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. DURKIN'S GARAGE - M.L.S.

DURKIN at car by petrol pump. He moves away R-L to office.

CUT TO:


INT. DURKIN'S GARAGE - M.S.

MAN standing cam.L. MAN sitting reading magazine. DURKIN
enters. He stamps snow off his feet and moves L-R. CAMERA
PANS with him behind counter. He picks up ringing phone.

DURKIN
(into phone)
Durkin's garage.

HALLORAN
(over phone)
Hello, can I speak to Larry?

DURKIN
(into phone)
Speaking.

CUT TO:

INT. AIRPORT - M.S.

HALLORAN at telephone booth, phone to ear.

HALLORAN
(into phone)
Hello Larry. This is Dick, Dick
Halloran.

CUT TO:

INT. DURKIN'S GARAGE - M.S.

DURKIN, phone to ear, behind counter.

DURKIN
(into phone)
Dick, how are you doing? How's the
weather down there?

CUT TO:

INT. AIRPORT - M.S.

HALLORAN, phone to ear.

HALLORAN
(into phone)
I'm not in Florida, Larry. I'm
calling from Stapleton Airport.

CUT TO:


INT. DURKIN'S GARAGE - M.S.

DURKIN, phone to ear, leaning on counter.

DURKIN
(into phone)
What the hell are you doing down
there?

CUT TO:

INT. AIRPORT - M.S.

HALLORAN, phone to ear.

HALLORAN
(into phone)
Well, I just got in from Miami, and
I've got to get up to the Overlook
today. What's the weather like up
there?

CUT TO:

INT. DURKIN'S GARAGE - M.S.

DURKIN, phone to ear.

DURKIN
(into phone)
Well, the snow ploughs are keeping
things moving in town, but the
mountain roads are completely
blocked.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In this scene, Durkin answers a phone call from Halloran, who has just arrived at Stapleton Airport and needs to reach the Overlook. Despite the town's snow ploughs being operational, Durkin informs Halloran that the mountain roads are completely blocked due to snow, complicating Halloran's travel plans. The conversation highlights the urgency of the situation, leaving Halloran's journey uncertain.
Strengths
  • Intense emotional impact
  • Compelling character interactions
  • High tension and suspense
Weaknesses
  • Potential for confusion with multiple character perspectives

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively builds tension and emotion, setting up significant revelations and conflicts. The dialogue and character interactions are compelling, drawing the audience into the characters' turmoil and desperation.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of desperation and revelation is central to the scene, driving the characters' actions and interactions. It explores themes of fear, family dynamics, and the unraveling of secrets.

Plot: 8.5

The plot of the scene is crucial in revealing key information about the characters and setting up future conflicts. It advances the narrative by introducing new challenges and deepening the emotional stakes.

Originality: 7

The scene introduces a familiar situation of characters communicating over the phone, but adds a fresh approach by using it to convey crucial plot details and create suspense. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters are well-developed and their emotions are palpable, adding depth to the scene. Their interactions and reactions drive the tension and conflict, making the audience empathize with their struggles.

Character Changes: 8

The characters undergo significant emotional changes in the scene, facing revelations and challenges that impact their relationships and motivations. These changes set the stage for further character development.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to maintain communication with another character, Dick Halloran. This reflects his need for information and connection, as well as his desire to understand the situation at the Overlook.

External Goal: 6

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to gather information about the weather conditions at the Overlook. This reflects the immediate challenge of navigating through snow-blocked mountain roads.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is intense, with characters facing internal and external challenges that heighten the tension. The revelations and emotional turmoil create a sense of urgency and danger.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong as the protagonist faces challenges in gathering information and navigating through snow-blocked roads. The audience is left unsure of how he will overcome these obstacles.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in the scene, with characters facing life-changing revelations and dangerous situations. The emotional and physical risks add intensity to the narrative, raising the stakes for the characters.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by revealing crucial information, deepening conflicts, and setting up future events. It advances the narrative by introducing new obstacles and escalating tensions.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it introduces new information and challenges for the protagonist, keeping the audience guessing about the outcome.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

There is a philosophical conflict evident in this scene between the protagonist's desire for information and connection, and the challenges posed by the weather conditions and blocked roads. This challenges his beliefs about control and communication.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, eliciting strong feelings of distress, concern, and desperation from the audience. The characters' struggles and revelations resonate deeply, drawing viewers into their turmoil.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is impactful, conveying the characters' emotions and motivations effectively. It adds layers to the scene by revealing inner conflicts and driving the narrative forward.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it effectively builds tension and suspense through the characters' dialogue and actions. The use of phone conversations adds a layer of intrigue.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining a sense of urgency and suspense. The rhythm of the dialogue and scene transitions keeps the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre with clear scene headings and concise descriptions. The formatting enhances the readability and flow of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected format for its genre by moving between different locations and using phone conversations to advance the plot. The pacing and rhythm contribute to its effectiveness.


Critique
  • The scene transitions between multiple locations (the hotel lounge, airport, and Durkin's garage) using dissolves and cuts, which can create a disjointed feeling. While this technique can be effective for showing simultaneous events, it may confuse the audience if not executed with clear visual or narrative connections.
  • The dialogue between Halloran and Durkin lacks tension and urgency, which is critical given the context of Halloran's concern for the Torrance family. The conversation feels casual and could benefit from more stakes, especially considering the dire situation at the Overlook Hotel.
  • The character of Durkin is introduced but not developed in this scene. His role seems to be merely functional, serving as a conduit for information rather than a fully realized character. Adding a line or two that reveals his personality or perspective on the situation could enhance the scene.
  • The scene relies heavily on dialogue to convey information about the weather and the state of the roads. This exposition could be more engaging if it were woven into the action or visual storytelling, rather than presented in a straightforward manner.
  • The pacing of the scene feels slow, particularly in the transitions. The use of dissolves can create a dreamlike quality, but here it may contribute to a sense of dragging. Consider tightening the transitions or using quicker cuts to maintain momentum.
Suggestions
  • Introduce a sense of urgency in Halloran's dialogue. He should express more concern about the situation at the Overlook, which would heighten the stakes and engage the audience more effectively.
  • Consider adding a brief moment of action or visual storytelling in Durkin's garage to break up the dialogue-heavy exchanges. For example, showing Durkin preparing for a snowstorm or interacting with customers could add depth to the setting.
  • Enhance Durkin's character by giving him a unique trait or perspective on the weather situation. This could be a humorous comment about the snow or a personal anecdote that reflects his relationship with the Overlook Hotel.
  • Instead of using dissolves, consider using cuts that maintain a more immediate connection between the scenes. This could help keep the audience engaged and create a more cohesive narrative flow.
  • Incorporate visual elements that reflect the tension of the situation, such as Halloran's anxious body language or the ominous weather outside, to complement the dialogue and enhance the overall atmosphere.



Scene 42 - Urgent Call in a Snowstorm
INT. AIRPORT - M.S.

HALLORAN, phone to ear.

HALLORAN
(into phone)
That means I'm going to need a
snowcat to get up there, Larry.
Can you fix me up with one?

CUT TO:

INT. DURKIN'S GARAGE - M.S.

DURKIN, phone to ear.


DURKIN
(into phone)
What's the big deal about getting
up there today, especially in this
kind of weather?

CUT TO:

INT. AIRPORT - M.S.

HALLORAN, phone to ear.

HALLORAN
(into phone)
Larry, just between you and me,
we've got a very serious problem
with the people who are taking care
of the place. They've turned out
to be completely unreliable assholes.
Ullman phoned me last night, and
I'm supposed to go up there and
find out if they have to be replaced.

CUT TO:

INT. DURKIN'S GARAGE - M.S.

DURKIN, phone to ear, looks at his watch.

DURKIN
(into phone)
How long is it going to take you to
get up here?

CUT TO:

INT. AIRPORT - M.S.

HALLORAN phone to ear.

HALLORAN
(into phone)
Oh about five hours. I'm gonna
rent a car here at the airport.

CUT TO:

INT. DURKIN'S GARAGE - M.S.

DURKIN, phone to ear.


DURKIN
(into phone)
Okay, Dick - I'll take care of it.

CUT TO:

INT. AIRPORT - M.S.

HALLORAN phone to ear.

HALLORAN
(into phone)
Oh thanks a lot, Larry. I really
appreciate that.

CUT TO:

INT. DURKIN'S GARAGE - M.S.

DURKIN phone to ear.

DURKIN
(into phone)
That's all right. Drive carefully.

He puts phone down.

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. ROAD - NIGHT - M.L.S.

HALLORAN's car moving forward along snow covered road.
CAMERA TRACKS BACK with it.

VOICE OVER RADIO
Well, good morning to you, Hal and
Charlie on Radio 63, KHOW Denver

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. HALLORAN'S CAR - NIGHT - M.C.S.

HALLORAN sitting behind wheel as he drives along road L-R.

VOICE OVER RADIO (CONT'D)
and, Charlie, we have what you call
your bad day out there. What you
call your heavy snow, snowing hard
throughout the eh Denver metro area.
Many of the mountain passes - Wolf
Creek, and Red Mountain passes are
already closed...

DISSOLVE TO:


M.S. Shooting from behind HALLORAN through windscreen as he
drives along road, passing overturned truck cam.L.

VOICE OVER RADIO (CONT'D)
and the chain law is in effect
right now at the Eisenhower Tunnel.
I guess as we've just heard from
the news forecast, Charlie, a few
of the flights are still landing
out at Stapleton International
Airport, and, with these early
storms like this, I guess the
entire airport will probably be
closed within the hour. Yeah,
they're just not prepared. The
storm will continue throughout the
day, and the national weather
service... has declared a stopmans
and travelers advisory... for all
areas outlying the Denver metro
region - get the cows in the barn.
There you go. Many businesses...

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary Halloran urgently contacts Durkin to request a snowcat for a remote location due to serious issues with the caretakers. Despite concerns about the severe weather, Durkin agrees to help after Halloran explains the situation. The scene shifts to Halloran driving through treacherous, snow-covered roads, highlighting the urgency and danger of his mission as he listens to a radio broadcast about worsening weather conditions.
Strengths
  • Building tension
  • Creating urgency
  • Engaging dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Potential lack of clarity in some character motivations

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys a sense of urgency and desperation through the characters' actions and the unfolding events, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the outcome.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene, focusing on the challenges faced by the characters in a snowstorm and the need for quick decision-making, is engaging and drives the narrative forward.

Plot: 8.5

The plot of the scene is crucial in setting up the urgency and high stakes faced by the characters, leading to potential conflict and resolution.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a unique situation involving unreliable characters in a snowy environment, adding authenticity to the characters' actions and dialogue.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters' actions and dialogue effectively convey their emotions and motivations, adding depth to the scene and driving the narrative forward.

Character Changes: 8

The characters undergo emotional changes and face challenges that push them to make decisions and take action, leading to potential growth and development.

Internal Goal: 8

Halloran's internal goal is to address the serious problem with the unreliable people at the airport and ensure the safety and efficiency of the place.

External Goal: 7

Halloran's external goal is to get a snowcat to go up to the airport and assess the situation with the unreliable people.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8.5

The level of conflict in the scene is high, with the characters facing external challenges and internal struggles that drive the narrative forward.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with challenging weather conditions and unreliable characters creating obstacles for the protagonist to overcome.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in the scene, with the characters facing life-threatening challenges and the need to make critical decisions in a time-sensitive situation.

Story Forward: 9

The scene effectively moves the story forward by introducing new challenges and conflicts that drive the narrative towards a resolution.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected actions and decisions of the characters, keeping the audience on edge and unsure of the outcome.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict revolves around the reliability and trustworthiness of people in positions of responsibility, challenging Halloran's beliefs about professionalism and accountability.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene has a high emotional impact, as the characters' desperation and urgency are palpable, drawing the audience into their struggles.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue in the scene is tense and urgent, reflecting the characters' emotions and the escalating situation they find themselves in.

Engagement: 8

This scene is engaging because of the tense and urgent atmosphere, as well as the realistic dialogue and character interactions that drive the narrative forward.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and maintains the audience's interest, with well-timed transitions and dialogue that drive the narrative forward.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear and descriptive action lines and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 9

The scene follows a clear and concise structure, effectively transitioning between locations and characters to maintain the pace and tension.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes a sense of urgency and tension through Halloran's dialogue about needing a snowcat to reach the Overlook Hotel. However, the dialogue could be more dynamic by incorporating Halloran's emotional state, perhaps reflecting his concern for the family at the hotel more explicitly.
  • The use of cutaways between Halloran and Durkin is a common technique, but it can feel disjointed if not executed with a clear purpose. In this case, the cuts could be better utilized to build tension or contrast between the two characters' perspectives on the situation.
  • Durkin's skepticism about the urgency of Halloran's request is a good character moment, but it could be enhanced by giving him a more distinct personality or background. This would make the conversation feel less generic and more engaging.
  • The radio broadcast that follows Halloran's conversation serves to heighten the sense of impending danger, but it could be more tightly integrated with Halloran's emotional journey. For instance, if the radio report echoed Halloran's fears or provided foreshadowing, it would create a stronger thematic connection.
  • The scene ends with a dissolve to Halloran's car driving along a snow-covered road, which is visually effective but could benefit from a more dramatic transition. A more abrupt cut or a sound cue could enhance the feeling of urgency as Halloran embarks on his journey.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more internal conflict for Halloran during his phone call. This could be achieved through his tone of voice or by including brief moments of hesitation that reflect his concern for the family at the Overlook.
  • Enhance Durkin's character by giving him a unique quirk or perspective that makes his skepticism more relatable or humorous, which could add depth to the conversation.
  • Integrate the radio broadcast more closely with Halloran's emotional state. For example, if the broadcast mentions specific dangers that resonate with Halloran's fears, it would create a stronger narrative link.
  • Experiment with the pacing of the scene by varying the length of the cuts between Halloran and Durkin. Shorter cuts could create a sense of urgency, while longer cuts could allow for more dramatic tension.
  • Consider using a more dramatic transition when Halloran leaves the airport. A sudden cut to the snow-covered road, accompanied by a sound cue, could heighten the sense of urgency and danger as he sets off.



Scene 43 - Confrontation in the Lounge
INT. OVERLOOK HOTEL - JACK'S APARTMENT - M.S.

DANNY & WENDY sitting at table watching T.V. Set cam.L.
WENDY inhales cigarette and looks at her watch. She puts
cigarette out cam.R.

WENDY
Hon,

WENDY strokes his hair, then takes hold of his chin and
turns his face to her.

WENDY (CONT'D)
...listen to me for a minute, will
you, hon?

She lowers her hand from his chin and strokes his hair.

WENDY
I'm just going to go and talk to
Daddy for a few minutes and I'll be
right back. I want you to just
stay here and watch your cartoons,
okay?

She strokes his hair.

WENDY
Okay, hon?


DANNY holds up his forefinger and wiggles it.

TONY
Yes, Mrs. Torrance.

WENDY kisses DANNY's head.

WENDY
All right. Now I'll be back in
just about five minutes. I'm gonna
lock the door behind me.

She kisses his head and strokes his hair - then stands up
and walks away to door. She stops and picks up a baseball
bat from cam.R. She walks away through open doorway, and
exits cam.R.

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. HOTEL LOUNGE - M.L.S.

WENDY, carrying baseball bat, walks away into Lounge. As
she goes, she turns and looks about her - CAMERA TRACKS
after her.

WENDY
Jack...?

She looks about and then moves L-R past table, with his
typewriter on it. She walks L-R behind pillar and appears
again on the other side. CAMERA TRACKS with her.

WENDY
Jack...?

WENDY stops and looks about.

CUT TO:

M.L.S. WENDY, holding bat, in f.g. She turns and walks away
to JACK's typewriter on table in b.g.

CUT TO:

M.S. Low Angle - JACK's typewriter in f.g. WENDY moves
forward into shot. She looks down at sheet of paper in
typewriter.

CUT TO:

M.C.S. Sheet of paper in typewriter with repetition of line
on it, reading: "ALL WORK AND NO PLAY MAKES JACK A DULL BOY."


Sheet of paper is turned up, showing repetition of line.
Again sheet of paper is turned up showing repetition of line.

CUT TO:

M.S. Low Angle - WENDY looking down at sheet of paper in
typewriter. She looks cam.R - then moves to cam.R.

CUT TO:

M.S. Sheets of paper, filling cardboard box. CAMERA TRACKS
IN on top sheet, showing repetition of the line "ALL WORK
AND NO PLAY MAKES JACK A DULL BOY." filling sheet.

CUT TO:

M.S. Low Angle WENDY looking down at box of paper in f.g.
She holds up top sheet and looks at it - then puts it down
in box.

CUT TO:

M.C.S. Sheets of paper filling box. WENDY's hand enters
cam.L.f.g. She flicks through sheets of paper and sees they
are all filled with repetition of line: "ALL WORK AND NO
PLAY MAKES JACK A DULL BOY."

CUT TO:

M.S. Low Angle - WENDY flicking through sheets of paper in
box.

CUT TO:

M.S. Pillar. CAMERA TRACKS R-L revealing WENDY, back to
camera, looking through sheets of paper in box on table in
M.L.S. JACK enters cam.R.f.g.

JACK
How do you like it?

WENDY SCREAMS and turns round to face JACK.

WENDY
Jack!

JACK
How do you like it?

JACK moves away towards table. WENDY walks R-L along table.

CUT TO:

M.S. JACK moves forward. CAMERA TRACKS BACK before him.


JACK
What are you doing down here?

He stops by chair and puts his hand on back of it.

CUT TO:

M.S. WENDY holding bat.

WENDY
I just eh... wanted...

CUT TO:

M.S. JACK - hand on back of chair.

WENDY (OFF)
...to talk to you.

JACK moves R-L to table. CAMERA TRACKS BACK.

JACK
Okay. Let's talk.

JACK flicks through sheets of paper in box - then looks
towards WENDY.

JACK
What do you want to talk about?

CUT TO:

M.S. WENDY holding bat.

WENDY
I...

CUT TO:

M.S. JACK

WENDY (OFF)
I can't really remember.

JACK
You can't remember.

JACK moves forward L-R. CAMERA PANS with him.

WENDY (OFF)
No, I can't.

CUT TO:


M.S. WENDY, holding bat, moves L-R. CAMERA PANS with her.

CUT TO:

INT. HOTEL - JACK'S APARTMENT - M.S.

DANNY sitting at table. CAMERA TRACKS IN on him.

JACK (OFF)
Maybe it was about Danny. Maybe it
was about him.

CUT TO:

INT. HOTEL - LOBBY - M.S.

Blood clear from camera lens revealing furniture floating
about on river of blood.

JACK (OFF)
I think we should discuss Danny.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Horror","Psychological Thriller"]

Summary In the Overlook Hotel, Wendy searches for Jack while holding a baseball bat for protection. She discovers a typewriter filled with the ominous phrase 'ALL WORK AND NO PLAY MAKES JACK A DULL BOY.' Tension escalates when Jack appears, leading to a fraught conversation where Wendy struggles to express her concerns about their son, Danny. Jack's menacing demeanor hints at his deteriorating mental state, leaving the conflict unresolved as he suggests they discuss Danny, heightening the suspense.
Strengths
  • Effective tension-building
  • Revealing character dynamics
  • Creating a sense of unease and mystery
Weaknesses
  • Limited physical action
  • Reliance on dialogue for tension

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively builds tension and fear through the discovery of Jack's disturbing manuscript, creating a sense of unease and mystery.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene, focusing on the psychological unraveling of Jack through his repetitive manuscript, adds depth to the character and the overall narrative.

Plot: 8.5

The plot progresses significantly with the revelation of Jack's manuscript, raising the stakes and intensifying the conflict within the story.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the haunted hotel trope, blending psychological horror with supernatural elements. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and grounded in their respective motivations and fears.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters, especially Jack and Wendy, are crucial in this scene as their interactions and reactions drive the tension and fear in the narrative.

Character Changes: 8

Both Jack and Wendy undergo significant emotional changes in this scene, deepening their character development and adding complexity to their relationship.

Internal Goal: 8

Wendy's internal goal in this scene is to confront Jack about his behavior and protect Danny from potential harm. This reflects her deeper need for safety and security, as well as her fear of Jack's increasingly erratic behavior.

External Goal: 7

Wendy's external goal is to communicate with Jack and address the situation with the typewriter. This reflects the immediate challenge of dealing with Jack's deteriorating mental state and the potential danger it poses to her and Danny.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between Jack and Wendy, as well as the internal conflict within Jack, adds depth and intensity to the scene.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Wendy's attempts to communicate with Jack met with resistance and hostility. The audience is left uncertain about the outcome of their confrontation, adding to the suspense and drama of the scene.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are raised with the discovery of Jack's manuscript, indicating a dangerous turn in the narrative and the characters' fates.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by revealing crucial information about Jack's mental state and adding a new layer of suspense to the narrative.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting power dynamics between the characters, the supernatural elements at play, and the uncertain outcome of their confrontation. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of what will happen next.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the themes of isolation, madness, and the breakdown of familial relationships. Wendy's attempts to reach out to Jack and protect Danny clash with Jack's descent into madness and violence, highlighting the fragile nature of human connections in the face of overwhelming darkness.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene evokes strong emotions of fear, distress, and shock, heightening the audience's engagement and investment in the story.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue effectively conveys the characters' emotions and the escalating tension in the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its slow-burn tension, eerie setting, and complex character dynamics. The audience is drawn into the mystery of the typewriter and the characters' conflicting motivations.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by gradually building tension and suspense, allowing the audience to feel the characters' escalating emotions and the growing sense of dread in the hotel. The rhythm of the scene enhances its impact on the viewer.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings, action lines, and character dialogue. The visual descriptions enhance the atmosphere of the Overlook Hotel and the characters' interactions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a traditional format for a suspenseful confrontation, building tension through dialogue and visual cues. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness in conveying the characters' emotional states.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension through the use of visual storytelling, particularly with the repetition of the phrase 'ALL WORK AND NO PLAY MAKES JACK A DULL BOY.' This motif serves as a powerful symbol of Jack's deteriorating mental state and foreshadows the impending conflict between him and Wendy.
  • Wendy's character is portrayed as both nurturing and anxious, which is effective in establishing her protective instincts towards Danny. However, her dialogue could be more dynamic to reflect her growing fear and desperation as she approaches Jack. The current dialogue feels somewhat passive and could benefit from more urgency.
  • The use of the baseball bat as a prop is a strong visual cue that indicates Wendy's fear and readiness to defend herself. However, the scene could enhance this tension by showing more of Wendy's internal conflict about confronting Jack. This could be achieved through her body language or internal monologue, which would add depth to her character.
  • The pacing of the scene is generally good, but there are moments where it feels slightly drawn out, particularly during the transitions between shots of Wendy looking at the typewriter and the sheets of paper. Tightening these moments could maintain the tension and keep the audience engaged.
  • The transition from Wendy's search for Jack to the discovery of the typewriter is effective, but the cut to the blood in the lobby feels abrupt and disjointed. A smoother transition or a more gradual build-up to the horror element could enhance the impact of this reveal.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more internal conflict for Wendy through her dialogue or actions. For example, she could express her fears about Jack's mental state more explicitly, which would heighten the tension.
  • Incorporate more dynamic dialogue that reflects Wendy's anxiety and urgency. Instead of simply stating she wants to talk, she could express her concerns about Jack's behavior or Danny's well-being more forcefully.
  • Enhance the visual storytelling by including more close-ups of Wendy's facial expressions as she discovers the typewriter. This could convey her shock and fear more effectively than dialogue alone.
  • Tighten the pacing by reducing the number of cuts between shots of Wendy and the typewriter. Consider using longer takes to build suspense and allow the audience to feel the weight of the moment.
  • Create a more gradual transition to the horror element by foreshadowing the blood in the lobby earlier in the scene. This could be done through subtle hints or sounds that suggest something is amiss, leading to a more impactful reveal.



Scene 44 - Tension in the Overlook
INT. HOTEL - CORRIDOR - M.S.

Low Angle Door with word "MURDER" scrawled in reverse on door.

CUT TO:

INT. HOTEL - LOBBY - M.S.

Furniture floating on river of blood towards camera.

JACK (OFF)
I think... we should discuss what
should be done with him.

CUT TO:

INT. HOTEL - LOUNGE - M.S.

JACK moves forward.

JACK
What should be done with him?

CUT TO:

M.S. WENDY holding bat gives nervous laugh.

CUT TO:


M.S. JACK moves forward R-L - CAMERA PANS & TRACKS BACK with
him.

WENDY (OFF)
I don't know.

JACK
I don't think that's true. I think
you have some very definite ideas
about what should be done with
Danny... and I'd like to know what
they are.

CUT TO:

M.S. WENDY holding bat moves back R-L. CAMERA PANS with her.
She weeps.

WENDY
Well I... I think maybe he should
be taken to a doctor.

CUT TO:

M.S. JACK

JACK
You think maybe he should be taken
to a doctor?

CUT TO:

M.S. WENDY

WENDY
Yes...

CUT TO:

M.S. JACK

JACK
When do you think maybe he should
be taken to a doctor?

CUT TO:

M.S. WENDY holding bat.

WENDY
As soon as possible?

CUT TO:


M.S. JACK

JACK
As soon as possible.

WENDY (OFF)
Jack...

CUT TO:

M.S. WENDY holding bat.

WENDY
...please...

CUT TO:

M.S. JACK moves forward - CAMERA TRACKS BACK before him.

JACK
You believe his health might be at
stake?

CUT TO:

M.S. WENDY holding bat moves back.

WENDY
Ye...yes.

CUT TO:

M.S. JACK moves forward. CAMERA TRACKS BACK before him.

JACK
And you are concerned about him?

CUT TO:

M.S. WENDY holding bat moves back.

WENDY
Yes.

CUT TO:

M.S. JACK points to himself as he moves forward.

JACK
And are you concerned about me?

CUT TO:

M.S. WENDY holding bat moves backwards.


WENDY
Of course I am.

JACK (OFF)
Of course you are.

CUT TO:

M.S. JACK moves forward. CAMERA TRACKS BACK before him. He
points to himself and gestures.

JACK
Have you ever thought about my
responsibilities?

WENDY (OFF)
Oh Jack, what are you talking about?

JACK
Have you ever had a single moment's
thought about my responsibilities?
Have you ever thought for a single
solitary moment about my
responsibilities to my employers?

CUT TO:

M.S. WENDY holding bat moves backwards.

CUT TO:

M.S. JACK moves forward - CAMERA TRACKS BACK before him.

JACK
Has it ever occurred to you that I
have agreed to look after the
Overlook Hotel until May the first?
Does it matter to you at all that
the owners have placed their
complete confidence and trust in
me, and that I have signed a letter
of agreement, a contract, in which
I have accepted that responsibility?

CUT TO:

M.S. WENDY holding bat moves backwards L-R to foot of stairs.
CAMERA PANS with her. She moves onto first step.

JACK (OFF)
Do you have the slightest idea what
a moral and ethical principal is?
Do you?

CUT TO:


M.S. JACK moves forward L-R. CAMERA PANS with him.

JACK
Has it ever occurred to you what
would happen to my future, if I
were to fail to live up to my
responsibilities?

CUT TO:

M.S. WENDY holding bat backs up stairs.

JACK (OFF)
Has it ever occurred to you?

JACK moves in cam.R.f.g.

JACK
Has it?

WENDY swinging bat before her backs up stairs. JACK moves
after her. CAMERA TRACKS FORWARD after them.

WENDY
Stay away from me!

JACK
Why?

WENDY
I just want to go back to my room.

JACK
Why?

WENDY sobs.

WENDY
Well... I'm very confused, and I
just need a chance to think things
over.

CUT TO:

M.S. High Angle JACK over WENDY. He moves forward up stairs.
She backs away. CAMERA TRACKS BACK and UP before them.

JACK
You've had your whole fucking life
to think things over - what's good
a few minutes more going to do you
now?


WENDY
Jack... stay away from me... please.

JACK reaches up to her.

WENDY
Don't hurt me! Don't hurt me!

JACK
I'm not going to hurt you.

WENDY swings bat in front of her as she backs up stairs.

WENDY
Stay away from me,

JACK
Wendy!

WENDY
Stay away...!

JACK
Darling, light of my life, I'm not
going to hurt you. You didn't let
me finish my sentence. I said 'I'm
not going to hurt you... I'm just
going to bash your brains in!' I'm
going to bash them right the fuck in.

WENDY waves bat in front of her. JACK laughs.

WENDY
Stay away from me!

CUT TO:

M.S. Low Angle WENDY swinging bat in front of her, backs up
stairs. JACK follows her - CAMERA TRACKS FORWARD after them.

WENDY
Stay away from me!

JACK
I'm not going to hurt you.

WENDY
Stay away from me!

CUT TO:

M.S. High Angle JACK over WENDY. She swings bat in front of
her, as she backs away and he follows her.


WENDY
Stay away from me! Please...

JACK
Stop swinging the bat.

WENDY
Stay away from me.

JACK
Put the bat down, Wendy.

WENDY
Stop it!

JACK
Wendy give me the bat.

WENDY
Stay... stay away!

JACK
Give me the bat.

CUT TO:

M.S. Low Angle WENDY over JACK. CAMERA TRACKS FORWARD as
they come up stairs.

WENDY
Stay away from me.

JACK
Give me the bat.

WENDY
Jack, stay away from me!

JACK
Stop swinging the bat.

WENDY
Get down.

CUT TO:

M.S. High Angle JACK over WENDY. She swings bat in front of
her as they move up stairs. CAMERA TRACKS with them.

JACK
Give me the bat.

WENDY
Go away from me.


JACK
Wendy...

WENDY
Go away.

JACK
Give me the bat.

WENDY
Go away.

JACK
Give me the bat.

JACK reaches up with hand. WENDY hits his hand with bat.
SHE SCREAMS. HE YELLS and grabs his wrist.

CUT TO:

M.S. Low Angle WENDY over JACK.

JACK
Goddamn!

WENDY hits JACK on head with bat.

CUT TO:

M.S. High Angle JACK over WENDY - he throws up hand and
leans back.

CUT TO:

M.L.S. Low Angle WENDY over JACK. He falls backwards down
stairs. CAMERA PANS L-R with him as he somersaults down
stairs, stopping face down on half landing.

CUT TO:

M.L.S. High Angle WENDY back to camera at top of stairs.
JACK lying facedown on half landing.

WENDY
Oh...oh!

DISSOLVE TO:
Genres: ["Horror","Psychological Thriller"]

Summary In a hotel corridor, Wendy and Jack engage in a heated argument about their son Danny's health. Wendy, armed with a bat, expresses her fears and suggests seeking medical help, while Jack becomes increasingly aggressive and manipulative. As the confrontation escalates, Wendy feels threatened and strikes Jack with the bat in self-defense, leading to a violent struggle that ends with Jack falling down the stairs, leaving Wendy shocked and distressed.
Strengths
  • Intense emotional impact
  • Well-developed characters
  • Tension-building dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Some may find the violence and fear too intense

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene is highly impactful, showcasing intense emotions, escalating conflict, and a sense of impending danger. The dialogue and actions of the characters create a palpable sense of fear and tension.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of a psychological confrontation between Jack and Wendy in a haunted hotel is compelling and drives the scene's tension and suspense.

Plot: 9

The plot of the scene revolves around the escalating conflict between Jack and Wendy, adding depth to their characters and setting up further developments in the story.

Originality: 9

The scene is original in its depiction of a tense and suspenseful confrontation, with fresh dialogue and character interactions that feel authentic and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Jack and Wendy are well-developed in this scene, showcasing their conflicting emotions, fears, and motivations. Their interactions drive the tension and drama.

Character Changes: 9

Both Jack and Wendy undergo significant emotional changes during the scene, revealing their fears, vulnerabilities, and the breakdown of their relationship.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to assert his authority and control over the situation, reflecting his need for power and dominance in the face of uncertainty and fear.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to maintain order and control in the hotel, reflecting the immediate challenge of dealing with a potentially dangerous situation.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between Jack and Wendy reaches a high level in this scene, creating a sense of danger, fear, and emotional turmoil.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting goals and motivations driving the characters' actions and dialogue.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in this scene as the confrontation between Jack and Wendy escalates, leading to a dangerous and unpredictable situation with potentially dire consequences.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by deepening the conflict between the characters, revealing their inner struggles, and setting up further developments in the plot.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists and turns in the characters' actions and dialogue, keeping the audience on edge.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the protagonist's sense of duty and responsibility versus his desire for power and control. This challenges his beliefs about morality and ethics.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9.5

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking fear, tension, and empathy for the characters. The intense emotions and dramatic confrontation resonate with the audience.

Dialogue: 9.2

The dialogue in the scene is intense, chilling, and memorable. It effectively conveys the characters' emotions, fears, and the escalating conflict between them.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense and suspenseful dialogue, escalating conflict, and dramatic character interactions.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a gradual build-up of tension and suspense that leads to a climactic moment.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and concise, following the expected format for its genre.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format that builds tension and suspense effectively, leading to a climactic confrontation.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension through the dialogue between Jack and Wendy, showcasing their deteriorating relationship and Jack's increasingly menacing demeanor. However, the pacing could be improved; the repetitive nature of Jack's questions may feel drawn out for the audience, potentially diminishing the impact of the confrontation. Consider tightening the dialogue to maintain urgency.
  • The use of cuts to different angles and close-ups is effective in emphasizing the emotional states of both characters, but it can also lead to a disjointed feeling. The transitions could be smoother to enhance the flow of the scene. For instance, instead of cutting to a close-up of Wendy after every line, consider using longer takes that allow the tension to build more organically.
  • The dialogue is strong in conveying Jack's manipulation and Wendy's fear, but it could benefit from more subtext. Instead of Jack directly stating his intentions, he could use more ambiguous language that hints at his violent tendencies without explicitly stating them. This would create a more chilling atmosphere and allow the audience to feel the tension without it being overt.
  • Wendy's character is portrayed as fearful and defensive, which is appropriate given the context. However, her responses could be more varied to reflect her emotional state. Instead of consistently backing away, she could exhibit moments of defiance or desperation, which would add depth to her character and make her struggle more relatable.
  • The scene's climax, where Wendy strikes Jack with the bat, is impactful but could be foreshadowed more effectively. Subtle hints of Wendy's growing resolve or desperation leading up to this moment would enhance the emotional payoff. Additionally, consider the physicality of the struggle; more detailed descriptions of their movements could heighten the tension and make the confrontation feel more visceral.
Suggestions
  • Tighten the dialogue by reducing repetitive questions and focusing on key emotional beats to maintain urgency.
  • Consider using longer takes and fewer cuts to create a more fluid and immersive experience for the audience.
  • Incorporate more subtext in Jack's dialogue to hint at his violent tendencies without being overt, enhancing the chilling atmosphere.
  • Add variety to Wendy's responses to reflect her emotional complexity, including moments of defiance or desperation.
  • Foreshadow Wendy's climactic action more effectively by hinting at her growing resolve, and enhance the physicality of the struggle for a more visceral confrontation.



Scene 45 - Desperate Escape
INT. HOTEL - KITCHEN - M.C.S.

JACK lying on his back on floor. He GROANS as he is dragged
along R-L. CAMERA TRACKS with him.

CUT TO:


INT. OVERLOOK HOTEL - KITCHEN - M.S.

WENDY, holding JACK's ankles, drags him backwards to food
store door. She undoes bolt, then tries to open door. JACK
GROANS.

CUT TO:

M.S. Low Angle WENDY tugging at handle. JACK GROANS OFF.

CUT TO:

M.C.S. WENDY tugging at handle. She looks down cam.R.

CUT TO:

M.C.S. JACK, lying on his back on the floor GROANING, starts
to come to. His eyes open and he lifts his head up.

CUT TO:

M.C.S. WENDY, tugging at door handle.

CUT TO:

M.C.S. WENDY's hand on handle. She takes out pin on chain
in handle and tugs handle open.

CUT TO:

M.S. WENDY swings door open. Then she takes hold of JACK's
ankles.

CUT TO:

M.C.S. JACK.

JACK
Hey... what are you doing?

CUT TO:

M.S. WENDY pulling JACK by the legs into food store.

JACK
Ohhh... what are you doing?

CUT TO:

M.S. High Angle JACK on his back being dragged through door
into food store.


JACK
Hey, wait a minute... What are you
doing?

WENDY puts his feet down and moves away to door.

JACK
What are you doing?

CUT TO:

M.S. Low Angle WENDY's feet and legs move forward from
JACK - She exits cam.R.f.g. JACK rolls over onto his elbow.
Door closes in f.g.

CUT TO:

M.S. JACK on floor in f.g. WENDY in b.g. closes the door.
JACK gets onto his feet. He GROANS and grips his R. ankle,
staggering against cardboard boxes. They fall down onto him.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Horror","Thriller"]

Summary In the tense kitchen of the Overlook Hotel, WENDY struggles to drag the disoriented JACK towards safety. As she manages to open the food store door, JACK, confused and in pain, questions her actions. Once inside, he attempts to rise but inadvertently knocks over cardboard boxes, further emphasizing his vulnerability and the chaotic urgency of the moment.
Strengths
  • Intense atmosphere
  • Effective tension building
  • Strong character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Limited setting
  • Focus on physical conflict

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys a sense of desperation and tension through the actions and dialogue of the characters. The violent struggle between Jack and Wendy adds to the overall intensity of the scene.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of desperation and violence in a confined space is effectively realized in the scene, adding to the overall suspense and horror of the narrative.

Plot: 8

The plot progresses as Wendy takes action to protect herself and Danny from Jack's increasingly erratic behavior. The scene adds to the escalating tension and conflict within the story.

Originality: 8

The scene offers a fresh approach to a familiar situation of power struggle, with unique character dynamics and a sense of urgency. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters of Jack and Wendy are well-developed in this scene, with their actions and dialogue revealing their fear, anger, and desperation. Their dynamic adds depth to the conflict within the narrative.

Character Changes: 8

Both Jack and Wendy undergo significant changes in this scene, with their actions and decisions reflecting their evolving dynamics and motivations.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to understand why Wendy is dragging him into the food store and to assert his own agency in the situation. This reflects Jack's fear of losing control and his desire to protect himself.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to figure out Wendy's intentions and to potentially escape from her control. This reflects the immediate challenge of being physically overpowered and confined in the kitchen.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between Jack and Wendy reaches a high level in this scene, with physical violence and emotional turmoil driving the narrative forward.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Wendy exerting control over Jack and creating obstacles for him to overcome. The audience is left uncertain about the outcome.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in this scene as Jack and Wendy's confrontation puts their lives and the safety of Danny at risk.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by escalating the conflict between the characters and setting the stage for further developments in the narrative.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because the audience is unsure of Wendy's motives and Jack's potential actions. The tension and suspense keep viewers on edge.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the struggle for power and control between Jack and Wendy. Jack's belief in his own autonomy clashes with Wendy's need to assert dominance and make decisions for him.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene has a strong emotional impact, evoking fear, anger, and desperation in the audience as they witness the violent struggle between Jack and Wendy.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the characters' emotions and motivations, adding to the tension and conflict between Jack and Wendy.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its fast-paced action, suspenseful tone, and the dynamic between the characters. The audience is drawn into the conflict and invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is well-crafted, with a balance of action and dialogue that maintains tension and propels the story forward. The rhythm of the scene enhances its effectiveness.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of the scene is well-executed, with concise descriptions and effective use of camera directions to enhance the visual storytelling.

Structure: 9

The scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear action lines and dialogue cues that enhance the pacing and tension.


Critique
  • The scene effectively conveys a sense of urgency and tension as Wendy drags Jack, who is incapacitated. However, the pacing could be improved by varying the shot lengths and transitions to create a more dynamic flow. The repeated cuts may disrupt the viewer's immersion in the action.
  • The dialogue is minimal, which works for the scene's tension, but it could benefit from more emotional weight. Jack's groans and Wendy's actions are clear, but adding a line or two that reflects Wendy's emotional state or desperation could enhance the scene's impact.
  • The use of camera angles is interesting, particularly the low-angle shots of Wendy, which emphasize her struggle and determination. However, the scene could explore more creative angles or movements to heighten the tension, such as a close-up on Wendy's face to capture her fear or resolve.
  • The physicality of the scene is strong, but the stakes could be raised further. For instance, incorporating sounds from the hotel or Jack's previous actions could remind the audience of the danger they are in, making Wendy's actions feel even more desperate.
  • The transition between cuts could be smoother. The abrupt changes might confuse the audience about the spatial relationship between characters and the environment. Consider using longer takes or more fluid transitions to maintain continuity and enhance the tension.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a line of dialogue from Wendy that expresses her fear or determination, which would provide insight into her emotional state and heighten the tension.
  • Experiment with longer takes or fewer cuts to allow the audience to fully absorb the tension of the moment. This could create a more immersive experience.
  • Incorporate ambient sounds or background noise from the hotel to enhance the atmosphere and remind the audience of the looming danger.
  • Use close-ups or reaction shots to capture Wendy's emotional struggle as she drags Jack, which could add depth to her character and the scene's stakes.
  • Explore different camera angles or movements that could emphasize the physical struggle and urgency of the situation, such as a tracking shot that follows Wendy's movements more closely.



Scene 46 - Desperate Choices
INT. HOTEL KITCHEN - M.S.

WENDY puts pin in handle, and backs L-R away from door.
CAMERA PANS with her.

JACK (OFF)
Hey, wait a minute!

WENDY turns away and looks about.

JACK (OFF)
What are you doing?

WENDY sees knife in rack on wall and lifts it out of rack.
She turns to face food store door.

JACK (OFF)
Open the door.

WENDY backs away to table.

JACK (OFF)
Goddamit! Let me out of here!
Open the goddam door.

WENDY, resting one hand on table, weeps as she sinks to her
knees.

CUT TO:


INT. HOTEL - FOOD STORE ROOM - M.C.S.

Low Angle - JACK.

JACK
Wendy, listen. Let me out of here
and I'll forget the whole goddam
thing. It'll be just like nothing
ever happened.

CUT TO:

INT. HOTEL - KITCHEN - M.S.

WENDY kneeling by table. She is weeping and puts her hand
up to her head.

CUT TO:

INT. FOOD STORE ROOM - M.C.S.

Low Angle JACK listens to her weeping.

JACK
Wendy, baby...

He puts hand up to head.

JACK
I think you hurt my head real bad.

He takes his hand away from his head.

JACK
I'm dizzy. I need a doctor.

CUT TO:

INT. KITCHEN - M.S.

WENDY weeping as she kneels by table.

JACK (OFF)
Honey... don't leave me in here.

WENDY stands up. CAMERA TILTS UP with her.

WENDY
I'm gonna go now -

WENDY walks R-L. CAMERA PANS with her to food store room
door.


WENDY
I'm going to try and get... get
Danny down to the Sidewinder... in
the Snowcat today.

She weeps.

WENDY
I'll bring back a doctor.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Horror","Psychological Thriller"]

Summary In the hotel kitchen, Wendy secures the door and retrieves a knife as Jack, locked in the food store room, pleads to be let out, claiming he is hurt. Overwhelmed with emotion, Wendy kneels and weeps, torn between fear and her desire to protect her son, Danny. Jack attempts to manipulate her feelings, but Wendy resolves to seek help for Danny, leaving Jack trapped and the tension unresolved.
Strengths
  • Intense emotional conflict
  • High stakes
  • Strong character development
Weaknesses
  • Some repetitive dialogue
  • Limited physical action

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys a sense of desperation and tension through the emotional dialogue and actions of the characters. The stakes are high, and the conflict is palpable, keeping the audience engaged.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene revolves around the intense emotional confrontation between Wendy and Jack, highlighting their deteriorating relationship and the high stakes involved.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene focuses on the escalating conflict between Wendy and Jack, as well as Wendy's decision to take Danny to safety. It moves the story forward by showcasing the characters' emotional struggles and the increasing tension in the hotel.

Originality: 9

The scene is original in its portrayal of a tense and claustrophobic situation, with fresh dialogue and character interactions. The authenticity of the characters' actions and emotions adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters of Wendy and Jack are well-developed in this scene, with their emotions and motivations driving the conflict forward. Their interactions reveal the depth of their relationship and the challenges they face.

Character Changes: 8

Both Wendy and Jack undergo significant emotional changes in this scene, with their relationship deteriorating further and their desperation increasing. Wendy's decision to take Danny to safety marks a pivotal moment in her character arc.

Internal Goal: 8

Wendy's internal goal in this scene is to protect herself and her son from Jack's violent behavior. This reflects her deeper need for safety and security, as well as her fear of Jack's unpredictable actions.

External Goal: 7

Wendy's external goal is to escape the hotel with her son and get help for Jack. This reflects the immediate challenge of surviving in a dangerous situation and seeking assistance.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is intense and emotionally charged, with Wendy and Jack facing off in a high-stakes confrontation. The physical struggle and emotional turmoil heighten the conflict and keep the audience engaged.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Wendy and Jack at odds over their conflicting goals and motivations. The audience is left uncertain of how the conflict will be resolved.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in this scene, as Wendy and Jack's relationship reaches a breaking point, and Wendy makes a crucial decision to protect her son. The physical and emotional struggle between the characters raises the stakes and intensifies the conflict.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by deepening the conflict between Wendy and Jack, setting the stage for further developments in their relationship and the overall plot. Wendy's decision to leave with Danny propels the narrative forward.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the characters' conflicting motivations and the uncertain outcome of their actions. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how the situation will resolve.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between Wendy's desire to protect her family and Jack's selfish and violent behavior. This challenges Wendy's beliefs in loyalty and love, as she struggles to reconcile her feelings for Jack with the need to protect herself and her son.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, with the audience feeling the fear, desperation, and sadness of the characters. The intense emotions and raw vulnerability of Wendy and Jack resonate with the viewers.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the characters' emotions and the escalating tension between Wendy and Jack. It adds depth to their relationship and highlights their conflicting desires.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense emotional moments, suspenseful dialogue, and high stakes for the characters. The audience is drawn into the characters' struggles and fears.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building suspense and tension, with a gradual escalation of emotions and actions that keep the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings and action descriptions that enhance the visual storytelling.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear action and dialogue sequences that build tension and suspense.


Critique
  • The scene effectively conveys the emotional turmoil Wendy is experiencing, showcasing her vulnerability and desperation. However, the dialogue from Jack feels somewhat repetitive and lacks the intensity that could elevate the tension. Instead of simply asking to be let out, Jack could use more varied language that reflects his growing frustration and desperation, which would enhance the stakes of the scene.
  • The use of camera angles is effective in creating a sense of confinement and urgency. The low-angle shots of Jack emphasize his vulnerability, but the scene could benefit from more dynamic camera movements to heighten the tension. For instance, quick cuts between Wendy's emotional state and Jack's increasingly frantic pleas could create a more visceral experience for the audience.
  • Wendy's emotional breakdown is poignant, but the scene could delve deeper into her internal conflict. Instead of just weeping, consider incorporating her thoughts or fears through voiceover or internal monologue, which would provide insight into her motivations and heighten the emotional stakes.
  • The pacing of the scene feels a bit uneven. While the emotional weight is present, the transitions between cuts could be tightened to maintain a sense of urgency. For example, the cuts to Jack's perspective could be more abrupt, reflecting the chaotic nature of the situation and Wendy's emotional state.
  • The dialogue could be more impactful if it included subtext. For instance, instead of Jack directly stating he needs a doctor, he could imply that he is in serious trouble, which would create a more complex dynamic between him and Wendy. This would also allow for a more layered interaction, where Wendy's decision to leave him becomes even more fraught with tension.
Suggestions
  • Revise Jack's dialogue to include more varied and intense language that reflects his desperation and frustration. This will help to elevate the tension and make his character more compelling.
  • Incorporate more dynamic camera movements and angles to enhance the sense of urgency and confinement. Quick cuts and close-ups can create a more visceral experience for the audience.
  • Consider adding internal monologue or voiceover for Wendy to provide deeper insight into her emotional state and motivations, which would heighten the stakes of her decision-making.
  • Tighten the pacing of the scene by making the transitions between cuts more abrupt, reflecting the chaotic nature of the situation and Wendy's emotional turmoil.
  • Infuse subtext into the dialogue, allowing Jack to imply his need for help without stating it outright. This will create a more complex dynamic between him and Wendy, increasing the tension of her decision to leave him.



Scene 47 - Descent into Despair
INT. FOOD STORE ROOM - M.C.S.

JACK

JACK
Wendy...

WENDY (OFF)
I'm gonna go now.

JACK
Wendy...

CUT TO:

INT. KITCHEN - M.S.

WENDY weeping turns to food store door.

WENDY
Yes?

CUT TO:

INT. FOOD STORE ROOM - M.C.S.

JACK smiling.

JACK
You've got a big surprise coming to
you.

He laughs.

JACK
You're not going anywhere.

He laughs.

CUT TO:


INT. KITCHEN - M.S.

WENDY by food store door.

JACK (OFF)
Go check out the Snowcat and the
radio and see what I mean.

He laughs off.

JACK (OFF)
Go check it out!

He laughs off. WENDY exits cam.L.

CUT TO:

INT. FOOD STORE ROOM - M.C.S.

JACK laughing.

JACK
Go check it out!

He laughs.

JACK
Go check it out!

He laughs.

CUT TO:

INT. HOTEL - CORRIDOR - M.L.S.

WENDY carrying knife runs forward - CAMERA PANS L-R with her
as she runs to door. She forces it open.

CUT TO:

EXT. HOTEL - M.L.S.

WENDY forces door open against snow and walks out on snow.
CAMERA PANS L-R with her to edge of porch. She runs away to
b.g.

CUT TO:

M.L.S. WENDY runs L-R along front of hotel - CAMERA TRACKS
with her.

CUT TO:


INT. HOTEL - GARAGE - M.S.

Snowcat in garage. WENDY seen through open doorway. She
runs forward and enters garage, carrying knife. She stops
at entrance. Then she moves L-R towards Snowcat, and picks
up distributor cap. CAMERA TRACKS IN on her, reacting to
damaged distributor cap.

CUT TO:

BLACK FRAMES.

Superimposed over:

4 p.m.

CUT TO:

EXT. HOTEL - L.S.

Overlook Hotel in b.g. Snow and trees in f.g.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Horror","Thriller"]

Summary In a tense scene, Jack ominously informs Wendy that she has a surprise waiting and prevents her from leaving the kitchen. Distressed, Wendy grabs a knife and flees through the snow-covered corridors of the Overlook Hotel. She enters the garage, only to discover the damaged distributor cap of the Snowcat, complicating her desperate attempt to escape Jack's menacing control.
Strengths
  • Tension-building
  • Revelation of character motivations
  • Visual and thematic elements
Weaknesses
  • Some repetitive dialogue
  • Limited character interaction

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively builds tension and reveals crucial information about the characters' motivations and the escalating conflict. The use of setting and props enhances the atmosphere and sense of danger.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene revolves around the revelation of Jack's true intentions and the escalating conflict between him and Wendy. The use of the knife, snow, and damaged distributor cap adds depth to the scene and enhances the sense of danger.

Plot: 8.5

The plot of the scene is crucial in advancing the conflict between Jack and Wendy and revealing key information about their characters. The discovery of Jack's true intentions and the damaged distributor cap drive the narrative forward.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the thriller genre by focusing on the psychological dynamics between the characters rather than relying solely on external action. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds depth to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters of Jack and Wendy are well-developed in this scene, with their motivations and conflicts coming to the forefront. Jack's menacing behavior and Wendy's desperation add depth to their characters.

Character Changes: 8

Both Jack and Wendy undergo significant changes in this scene, as Jack's true nature is revealed, and Wendy is forced to confront the danger they are in. Their actions and decisions reflect these changes in their characters.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to escape the dangerous situation and protect herself from harm. This reflects her fear and desire for survival.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to investigate the Snowcat and radio as instructed by the antagonist. This reflects the immediate challenge of navigating the dangerous environment and uncovering the antagonist's motives.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is intense and palpable, as Jack and Wendy's motivations clash, leading to a violent struggle. The high stakes and sense of danger heighten the conflict and drive the narrative forward.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing obstacles and challenges that test her resolve and resourcefulness.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes in the scene are high, as Jack's true intentions are revealed, and Wendy is forced to confront the danger they are in. The sense of urgency and peril adds to the high stakes of the situation.

Story Forward: 9

The scene effectively moves the story forward by revealing crucial information about the characters and advancing the conflict between Jack and Wendy. The discovery of Jack's true intentions and the damaged distributor cap propel the narrative towards a climax.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting power dynamics between the characters and the unexpected twists in the plot.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the struggle between trust and betrayal. The protagonist must decide whether to trust the antagonist's instructions or follow her instincts for self-preservation.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene has a high emotional impact, as the tension, fear, and desperation of the characters are effectively conveyed. The audience is drawn into the characters' plight and feels the sense of danger and urgency.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the tension and conflict between Jack and Wendy. Jack's menacing lines and Wendy's fearful responses enhance the emotional impact of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its fast-paced action, suspenseful atmosphere, and compelling character dynamics.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining a sense of urgency and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the characters' fates.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene headings and concise descriptions of action and dialogue.

Structure: 7

The scene follows the expected structure for a thriller genre, building tension and suspense through a series of escalating events.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension through Jack's sinister tone and Wendy's emotional state. However, the dialogue could be more impactful. Jack's lines, while menacing, feel somewhat repetitive and could benefit from more variation to enhance the psychological manipulation he exerts over Wendy.
  • Wendy's emotional response is clear, but her actions could be more defined. The transition from her weeping to her determination to leave feels abrupt. Adding a moment of internal conflict or hesitation could deepen her character and make her decision to leave more poignant.
  • The use of cuts between the food store room and the kitchen is effective in creating a sense of urgency, but the pacing could be improved. The scene feels slightly rushed, especially in the transitions. Allowing for longer pauses or reactions could heighten the tension and give the audience time to absorb the gravity of the situation.
  • The visual elements are strong, particularly the imagery of Wendy with the knife and the damaged Snowcat. However, the scene could benefit from more descriptive action lines that convey Wendy's physical and emotional state as she navigates through the hotel. This would enhance the audience's connection to her plight.
  • Jack's laughter is a chilling element, but it could be more strategically placed. Instead of repeating the laughter, consider using it sparingly to punctuate key moments, making it more impactful. This would also help to avoid redundancy in his dialogue.
Suggestions
  • Revise Jack's dialogue to include more varied and nuanced threats or manipulations that reflect his deteriorating mental state, rather than relying on repetition.
  • Incorporate a moment where Wendy hesitates or reflects on her decision to leave, adding depth to her character and making her eventual choice more emotionally resonant.
  • Adjust the pacing of the scene by allowing for longer pauses between cuts, giving the audience time to feel the tension and urgency of the moment.
  • Enhance the action lines to provide more detail about Wendy's physical and emotional state as she moves through the hotel, creating a stronger visual connection for the audience.
  • Limit Jack's laughter to key moments to increase its chilling effect, rather than having it repeated throughout the scene.



Scene 48 - A Tense Confrontation
INT. HOTEL - FOOD STORE ROOM - M.C.S.

JACK asleep on sacks. CAMERA TRACKS BACK. KNOCK ON DOOR
OFF. JACK stirs and rubs his eyes. KNOCK ON DOOR OFF.
Jack sits up.

JACK
Wendy?

CAMERA TRACKS BACK as JACK feels his R. ankle.

GRADY (OFF)
It's Grady, Mr. Torrance. Delbert
Grady.

JACK
Grady... oh.

JACK puts his hand up on shelf.

JACK
Oh Grady... right. Grady... er...

JACK stands up and moves R-L behind shelves towards door.
CAMERA TRACKS with him.

JACK
Hullo Grady.

JACK moves R-L to door and leans on it with his hand.


GRADY (OFF)
Mr. Torrance, I see you can hardly
have taken care of the...

CUT TO:

M.C.S. JACK by door.

GRADY (OFF)
business we discussed.

He moves back R-L from door.

JACK
No need to rub it in, Mr. Grady.
I'll deal with that situation as
soon as I get out of here.

GRADY (OFF)
Will you indeed, Mr. Torrance.

He puts his hand up to his head.

GRADY (OFF)
I wonder. I have my doubts.

He lowers his hand from his head.

GRADY (OFF)
I and others have come to believe...
that your heart is not in this,
that you haven't the belly for it.

JACK laughs.

JACK
Just give me one more chance to
prove it, Mr. Grady. That's all I
ask.

GRADY (OFF)
Your wife appears to be stronger
than we imagined, Mr. Torrance.
Somewhat more resourceful, she
seems to have got the better of you.

JACK
For the moment, Mr. Grady. Only
for the moment.


GRADY (OFF)
I fear that you will have to deal
with this matter in the harshest
possible way, Mr. Torrance. I fear
that is the only thing to do.

JACK
There's nothing I look forward to
with the greater pleasure, Mr. Grady.

GRADY (OFF)
You give your word on that do you,
Mr. Torrance?

JACK nods his head.

JACK
I give you my word.

SOUND OF BOLT BEING DRAWN & HANDLE BEING UNFASTENED OFF.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Horror","Psychological Thriller"]

Summary In the food store room of the Overlook Hotel, Jack Torrance is awakened by a knock, revealing Delbert Grady instead of his wife, Wendy. As they converse, Jack expresses his determination to resolve his issues, but Grady remains skeptical, hinting at the resourcefulness of Jack's wife and the harsh actions that may be necessary. The tension escalates as Jack reassures Grady of his commitment, but the exchange leaves doubt lingering in the air. The scene culminates with the sound of a bolt being drawn, signaling a pivotal moment ahead.
Strengths
  • Tense atmosphere
  • Ominous dialogue
  • Character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Limited physical action
  • Restricted setting

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively builds tension and sets up a sinister atmosphere through the dialogue and interactions between Jack and Grady. The ominous tone and manipulative nature of the conversation keep the audience engaged and eager to see how the conflict will unfold.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene revolves around the power dynamics and hidden agendas between Jack and Grady, setting the stage for a dramatic confrontation that will have significant consequences for the characters.

Plot: 8.5

The plot thickens as the scene reveals the conflicting motivations and intentions of Jack and Grady, adding layers of complexity to the narrative and setting up future conflicts and resolutions.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a unique power dynamic between Jack and Grady, with hints of betrayal and manipulation. The dialogue is cryptic and layered, adding depth to the characters' motivations and conflicts.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters of Jack and Grady are well-developed in this scene, with their contrasting personalities and hidden agendas creating a compelling dynamic that drives the conflict forward.

Character Changes: 9

Both Jack and Grady undergo subtle but significant changes in this scene, as their motivations and intentions are revealed, leading to a shift in their dynamic and setting the stage for future developments.

Internal Goal: 8

Jack's internal goal in this scene is to prove his dedication and capability to Mr. Grady, reflecting his need for validation and acceptance. It also reflects his fear of failure and desire to regain control.

External Goal: 7

Jack's external goal in this scene is to address the business matter discussed with Mr. Grady and assert his commitment to the task at hand. It reflects the immediate challenge of proving his worth and competence.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is palpable, with the power struggle between Jack and Grady reaching a boiling point. The tension and suspense are heightened by the characters' conflicting agendas and the looming sense of danger.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Grady challenging Jack's abilities and commitment, creating a sense of uncertainty and conflict. The audience is left wondering how Jack will respond to this opposition.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in this scene, as the power struggle between Jack and Grady escalates to a dangerous level, with potentially dire consequences for the characters and their relationships. The outcome of this confrontation will have far-reaching implications for the story.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by deepening the conflict between the characters, revealing new layers of intrigue and setting up future plot twists and resolutions. The revelations and confrontations in this scene have a lasting impact on the narrative.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the cryptic dialogue and ambiguous character motivations. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of the characters' true intentions and the direction of the plot.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the clash between duty and personal desires. Mr. Grady questions Jack's commitment and suggests a harsh approach, challenging Jack's values and beliefs about his role and responsibilities.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from tension and unease to fear and anticipation, as the audience is drawn into the characters' psychological battle. The emotional stakes are high, adding depth to the conflict and its resolution.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue in the scene is tense, ominous, and filled with subtext, effectively conveying the power struggle and manipulation between Jack and Grady. The verbal sparring adds depth to their characters and hints at darker motivations.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its mysterious atmosphere, tense dialogue, and intriguing character dynamics. The audience is drawn into the unfolding drama and eager to learn more about the characters' motivations and conflicts.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and suspense, with a gradual escalation of conflict and revelation of character dynamics. The rhythm of the dialogue and camera movements enhances the scene's dramatic impact.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and easy to follow, with effective use of camera directions and dialogue cues to enhance the visual and auditory experience.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a traditional format for a suspenseful dialogue-driven sequence, building tension and revealing character dynamics through subtle interactions.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension through the dialogue between Jack and Grady, highlighting Jack's desperation and Grady's manipulative nature. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext to enhance the stakes. Currently, it feels somewhat straightforward, lacking the layers of tension that could make the audience feel the weight of Jack's predicament.
  • Jack's character is portrayed as disoriented and desperate, but the scene could delve deeper into his psychological state. Adding internal monologue or visual cues that reflect his mental unraveling would enhance the audience's understanding of his character's decline.
  • The use of off-screen dialogue for Grady creates a sense of mystery, but it may also distance the audience from the action. Consider incorporating more visual elements that show Jack's reactions to Grady's words, which would help to ground the scene and make it more engaging.
  • The pacing of the scene feels a bit slow, particularly in the transitions between dialogue. Tightening the dialogue and reducing pauses could help maintain the tension and urgency of the moment.
  • The physicality of the scene is minimal, with Jack primarily standing and leaning against the door. Introducing more movement or physical actions could enhance the visual storytelling and reflect Jack's inner turmoil. For example, Jack could pace or fidget, indicating his anxiety and frustration.
Suggestions
  • Add more subtext to the dialogue to create tension and ambiguity. For instance, have Grady hint at darker consequences without explicitly stating them, allowing the audience to infer the stakes.
  • Incorporate visual elements that reflect Jack's mental state, such as him looking disheveled or showing signs of panic, to enhance the audience's connection to his character.
  • Consider revealing Grady's character through visual cues or actions, such as him appearing more menacing or authoritative, to create a stronger contrast with Jack's vulnerability.
  • Tighten the dialogue to maintain a brisk pace, reducing unnecessary pauses or filler words that may slow down the scene's momentum.
  • Introduce more physicality into Jack's actions to reflect his anxiety and desperation, such as pacing, fidgeting, or interacting with objects in the room, to create a more dynamic visual experience.



Scene 49 - Whispers of Red Rum
EXT. ROAD - NIGHT - L.S.

HALLORAN driving Snowcat forward along snow-covered road
between banks of trees.

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. HALLORAN'S SNOWCAT - M.C.S.

HALLORAN driving Snowcat L-R along road.

DISSOLVE TO:

M.S. Shooting from behind HALLORAN sitting cam.L through
windscreen, with wipers working, as he moves forward along
snow-covered road. Trees on either side of road.

CUT TO:

INT. HOTEL - JACK'S APARTMENT - NIGHT - M.C.S.

DANNY moves away R-L towards his MOTHER asleep in bed.
CAMERA PANS with him.

TONY'S VOICE
Red Rum. Red Rum. Red Rum. Red
Rum.

DANNY stops beside WENDY asleep in bed.


TONY'S VOICE
Red Rum.

WENDY stirs in bed. DANNY reaches out with his hand for
knife on table cam.R of bed.

TONY'S VOICE
Red Rum.

DANNY holds up knife.

TONY'S VOICE
Red Rum. Red Rum.

He feels blade.

TONY'S VOICE
Red Rum. Red Rum.

He takes hand away from blade.

TONY'S VOICE
Red Rum.

He turns away from bed and holding knife up walks L-R.
CAMERA PANS with him.

TONY'S VOICE
Red Rum. Red Rum. Red Rum. Red
Rum. Red Rum.

He stops by dressing table.

TONY'S VOICE
Red Rum.

He picks up lipstick from dressing table.

TONY'S VOICE
Red Rum. Red Rum.

He turns away from dressing table.

TONY'S VOICE
Red Rum.

DANNY walks R-L away to door - CAMERA PANS with him.

TONY'S VOICE
Red Rum. Red Rum. Red Rum.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Horror","Thriller"]

Summary In a tense and foreboding scene, Danny navigates the dark hotel room at night, drawn by the haunting voice of Tony repeating 'Red Rum.' As he approaches a knife on the table, he hesitates, feeling the blade's coldness before ultimately choosing to pick up lipstick instead. The atmosphere is thick with supernatural dread, highlighting Danny's internal struggle as he resists the ominous influence of Tony's voice, leaving the tension unresolved as he walks away.
Strengths
  • Building tension
  • Eerie atmosphere
  • Strong emotional impact
Weaknesses
  • Minimal dialogue
  • Limited character interaction

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene effectively builds tension and fear through the repetition of 'Red Rum' and the unsettling actions of Danny. The use of the knife and lipstick adds a disturbing layer to the scene, keeping the audience on edge.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of Danny being influenced by his alter ego, Tony, to engage in unsettling actions like repeating 'Red Rum' and handling a knife creates a chilling and memorable scene that contributes to the overall horror of the story.

Plot: 9

The plot is advanced through the revelation of Danny's disturbing behavior and the implications it has for the characters' safety. The scene sets up a sense of impending danger and adds complexity to the unfolding events at the hotel.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the psychological thriller genre by using subtle cues and minimal dialogue to build tension and suspense. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters of Danny and Wendy are crucial in this scene, with Danny's eerie actions and Wendy's growing concern and fear driving the tension forward. Their interactions and reactions add depth to the unfolding horror.

Character Changes: 8

Danny undergoes a significant change in this scene, transitioning from a seemingly innocent child to a vessel for his alter ego, Tony, as he engages in unsettling behavior. Wendy also experiences a shift from concern to fear, deepening her emotional journey.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist, Danny, is struggling with internal conflict and fear as he is influenced by the voice of Tony to commit a violent act. His internal goal is to resist the urge to harm his family and overcome the influence of Tony.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to protect his family from harm, as he is being influenced by an external force to commit violence.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, as Danny grapples with the influence of his alter ego, Tony, and the potential danger it poses. The tension between Danny's actions and Wendy's growing unease creates a sense of impending conflict.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, as Danny is faced with conflicting desires and external influences that challenge his moral compass.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in this scene as Danny's actions hint at the danger lurking within the hotel, putting both him and Wendy at risk. The escalating tension and sense of impending threat raise the stakes for the characters and the unfolding narrative.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by revealing the extent of Danny's connection to the supernatural forces at play in the hotel and setting the stage for further developments in the plot. The discovery of the knife and lipstick foreshadows darker events to come.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because the audience is unsure of Danny's actions and the outcome of the situation. The tension and suspense keep the audience on edge.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the battle between good and evil, as Danny is torn between his desire to protect his family and the influence of Tony to harm them.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes a strong emotional response from the audience, eliciting fear, anxiety, and suspense through the eerie actions of Danny and the escalating tension between the characters. The emotional impact heightens the sense of horror and foreboding.

Dialogue: 8

While there is minimal dialogue in this scene, the repetition of 'Red Rum' by Tony adds a haunting quality to the interaction between the characters. The sparse but impactful dialogue enhances the atmosphere of fear and suspense.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its slow build-up of tension, eerie atmosphere, and the sense of impending danger. The audience is drawn into the suspenseful situation and is eager to see how it will unfold.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by slowly building tension and suspense, leading to a climactic moment of danger and uncertainty.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene headings and descriptions of character actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a suspenseful thriller, with a gradual build-up of tension and a climactic moment of suspense.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension through the use of Danny's connection to Tony and the ominous repetition of 'Red Rum.' This creates a sense of foreboding and highlights Danny's internal struggle with the supernatural elements surrounding him.
  • The visual transitions between Halloran driving the Snowcat and Danny in the hotel are well-executed, creating a parallel between Halloran's journey and the escalating tension in the hotel. However, the scene could benefit from more explicit connections between these two storylines to enhance the narrative flow.
  • The dialogue is minimal, relying heavily on Tony's voice, which effectively conveys Danny's psychological state. However, adding a few more internal thoughts or reactions from Danny could deepen the audience's understanding of his fear and confusion.
  • The pacing of the scene is generally good, but the repetitive nature of 'Red Rum' could be varied slightly to maintain engagement. Consider interspersing Danny's actions with brief moments of silence or other sounds to create a more dynamic rhythm.
  • The scene lacks a clear emotional arc for Danny. While the repetition of 'Red Rum' is chilling, it would be more impactful if we could see a progression in Danny's emotional state, perhaps moving from curiosity to fear as he interacts with the knife and the lipstick.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment where Danny reacts to the sound of Tony's voice, perhaps showing a physical response that indicates his fear or confusion, to enhance the emotional depth of the scene.
  • Incorporate visual elements that reflect Danny's internal struggle, such as close-ups of his facial expressions or the way he grips the knife, to convey his conflict more vividly.
  • Explore the use of sound design to complement the dialogue. For instance, layering ambient sounds of the hotel or the howling wind outside could heighten the tension and create a more immersive atmosphere.
  • Introduce a moment where Danny hesitates longer before reaching for the knife, allowing the audience to feel the weight of his decision and the influence of Tony more acutely.
  • Consider ending the scene with a more definitive action or decision from Danny, such as him making a choice about the knife or the lipstick, to create a stronger lead-in to the next scene.



Scene 50 - Whispers of Dread
INT. OVERLOOK HOTEL - JACK'S APARTMENT - NIGHT - M.S.

DANNY holding knife and lipstick at door. WENDY asleep in
bed in b.g.

TONY'S VOICE
Red Rum. Red Rum.

He starts to write with lipstick the word "MURDER" IN
reverse on the door.

TONY'S VOICE
Red Rum. Red Rum. Red Rum. Red
Rum. Red Rum. Red Rum.

He finishes writing word and looks at word.

TONY'S VOICE
Red Rum. Red Rum.

He turns and walks away to WENDY asleep in bed.

TONY'S VOICE
Red Rum. Red Rum. Red Rum.

WENDY wakes and sits up with a SHRIEK.

CUT TO:

M.S. DANNY beside WENDY in bed.

DANNY
Red Rum. Red Rum. Red Rum.

WENDY gets out of bed and takes knife away from him.

WENDY
Danny. Danny, stop it. Danny!

DANNY
Red Rum. Red Rum. Red Rum. Red
Rum.

WENDY puts her arms round DANNY and pulls him towards her.
She looks over his shoulder.

WENDY
Eh...

She reacts - CAMERA ZOOMS IN on her face.

CUT TO:


M.S. WENDY's P.O.V. The word "MURDER" written by DANNY on
door - reflected in mirror. CAMERA ZOOMS IN on word. SOUND
OF AXE STRIKING DOOR OFF.

CUT TO:

M.C.S. WENDY shrieks and looks cam.L. She puts her hand up
to DANNY's head.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Horror","Thriller"]

Summary In a tense night scene at Jack's apartment in the Overlook Hotel, Danny, influenced by the voice of his imaginary friend Tony, writes 'MURDER' in reverse with lipstick while chanting 'Red Rum.' His mother, Wendy, awakens to his unsettling behavior and tries to comfort him, but her fear escalates as she sees the word reflected in the mirror. The atmosphere thickens with the ominous sound of an axe striking the door, leaving Wendy in a state of panic as the threat of violence looms.
Strengths
  • Eerie atmosphere
  • Tension-building
  • Character development
Weaknesses
  • Limited dialogue
  • Some predictable elements

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene effectively builds tension and fear through its eerie tone, disturbing imagery, and the sense of impending danger. The focus on Danny's unsettling behavior and Wendy's growing fear creates a gripping atmosphere.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of Danny's connection to the supernatural, the mysterious phrase 'Red Rum,' and the escalating tension between characters are all effectively portrayed in the scene.

Plot: 9

The plot progresses as the characters confront a mysterious and unsettling situation, adding depth to the overall story and raising the stakes for the characters involved.

Originality: 9

The scene is original in its depiction of supernatural horror and psychological suspense. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and true to their motivations, adding depth and complexity to the story.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Danny and Wendy are well-developed in this scene, with Danny's eerie behavior and Wendy's growing fear adding complexity to their relationship and the overall story.

Character Changes: 9

Both Danny and Wendy undergo changes in this scene, with Danny's behavior becoming more unsettling and Wendy's fear escalating. These changes add depth to their characters and drive the plot forward.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to protect his family and himself from the supernatural forces at play. This reflects his deeper need for safety and security, as well as his fear of losing control or succumbing to the darkness within him.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to survive the night and escape the danger that threatens his family. This reflects the immediate circumstances of being trapped in a haunted hotel and facing a malevolent presence.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8.5

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, as Danny's behavior and Wendy's fear create tension and uncertainty. The escalating conflict adds to the sense of danger and suspense.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing supernatural forces, internal demons, and the threat of violence. The audience is unsure of how the characters will overcome these obstacles, adding to the suspense and tension.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in the scene as Danny's behavior becomes more disturbing, Wendy's fear escalates, and the sense of danger and uncertainty grows. The characters are faced with a mysterious and potentially dangerous situation.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by raising the stakes for the characters, deepening the mystery surrounding Danny's behavior, and increasing the sense of danger and suspense.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting dynamics between the characters, the supernatural elements at play, and the sense of impending danger. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of what will happen next.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the battle between good and evil, sanity and madness. The protagonist must confront his own inner demons and the external forces that seek to destroy him, challenging his beliefs and values.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact due to the fear, anxiety, and confusion experienced by the characters. The audience is drawn into the unsettling atmosphere and feels a sense of dread.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue effectively conveys the characters' emotions and the escalating tension in the scene. The repeated phrases and sparse dialogue enhance the eerie atmosphere.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense atmosphere, suspenseful pacing, and psychological depth. The audience is drawn into the characters' struggles and fears, creating a sense of unease and anticipation.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by gradually building tension and suspense, leading to a climactic moment of horror. The rhythm of the dialogue and action keeps the audience engaged and on edge.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings, descriptions, and dialogue. The use of visual and auditory cues enhances the atmosphere and mood of the scene.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with a clear build-up of tension and suspense leading to a climactic moment of horror. The pacing and rhythm are effective in creating a sense of unease and anticipation.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension through the repetition of Tony's voice and the ominous act of Danny writing 'MURDER' on the door. This creates a sense of foreboding and highlights Danny's internal struggle with the supernatural influence of Tony.
  • The use of visual elements, such as the reflection of the word 'MURDER' in the mirror, is a strong choice that adds depth to Wendy's realization and amplifies the horror of the situation. This moment serves as a pivotal point that connects Danny's actions to the impending danger.
  • However, the dialogue could be more varied. The repetition of 'Red Rum' can become monotonous, and while it serves to emphasize Danny's psychological state, introducing more varied expressions of his fear or confusion could enhance the emotional weight of the scene.
  • Wendy's reaction to Danny's chanting feels somewhat abrupt. While her shock is understandable, a more gradual build-up to her realization could heighten the tension. Perhaps including a moment where she hesitates or shows confusion before fully grasping the situation would make her reaction more impactful.
  • The pacing of the scene is generally effective, but the transitions between Danny's actions and Wendy's reactions could be smoother. The cuts feel a bit jarring at times, which can disrupt the flow of tension. Consider using more gradual transitions or lingering shots to maintain suspense.
Suggestions
  • Consider varying Danny's dialogue to include more emotional expressions or questions about what he is experiencing. This could provide insight into his character and make his fear more relatable.
  • Enhance Wendy's realization of the word 'MURDER' by incorporating a moment of confusion or disbelief before she reacts. This could create a more dramatic build-up to her shock.
  • Experiment with the pacing of the scene by using longer takes on key moments, such as Danny writing on the door or Wendy's reaction, to allow the tension to build more organically.
  • Incorporate sound design elements that complement the visuals, such as a rising score or unsettling ambient noises, to enhance the atmosphere and heighten the sense of dread.
  • Consider adding a brief moment where Danny interacts with the knife before writing on the door, which could further illustrate his internal conflict and the influence of Tony.



Scene 51 - Breaking Point
INT. HOTEL - CORRIDOR - M.S.

JACK swings axe at front door of his apartment.

CUT TO:

INT. JACK'S APARTMENT - M.S.

WENDY holding DANNY in her arms gets up off bed.

CUT TO:

INT. HOTEL - CORRIDOR - M.S.

JACK swings axe at front door of apartment.

CUT TO:

INT. JACK'S APARTMENT - M.S.

WENDY, with DANNY in her arms, looks about, then moves to
door with "MURDER" in reverse written on it. She opens door
and goes into bathroom, with DANNY, closing door behind her.

CUT TO:

INT. BATHROOM - M.S.

WENDY, with DANNY clinging to her, closes the door. Then
she bolts and locks it.

CUT TO:

INT. HOTEL CORRIDOR - M.S.

JACK swings axe at door and splinters a panel.

CUT TO:

INT. BATHROOM - M.S.

WENDY & DANNY move R-L from door to window. She drops knife
in basin as she passes it. CAMERA PANS with them.


WENDY unbolts window and raises the bottom part.

CUT TO:

EXT. HOTEL - M.S.

WENDY tries to force bottom part of window higher up.

CUT TO:

INT. BATHROOM - M.C.S.

DANNY clinging to WENDY looks over his shoulder as he hears
axe splintering door OFF.

CUT TO:

INT. HOTEL CORRIDOR - M.S.

JACK swings axe at splintered panel on door.

CUT TO:

EXT. HOTEL BATHROOM WINDOW - M.S.

WENDY looking out of window.

CUT TO:

L.S. HOTEL. WENDY at bathroom window. She draws back into
bathroom.

CUT TO:

INT. HOTEL CORRIDOR - M.S.

JACK swings axe at splintered panel on door.

CUT TO:

INT. JACK'S APARTMENT - M.S.

JACK pulls piece of wood away from splintered panel, and
looks through gap.

CUT TO:

M.C.S. JACK at gap in panel.

JACK
Wendy, I'm home.


He looks down. CAMERA TILTS DOWN - he removes a piece of
wood with hand and then reaches in and unlocks door.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Horror","Thriller"]

Summary In a harrowing scene, Jack violently attacks the front door of his apartment with an axe, intent on breaking in. Inside, Wendy, clutching her son Danny, moves cautiously towards a bathroom marked with 'MURDER' and locks herself in, desperately trying to escape through the window. As Jack splinters the door and taunts her with 'Wendy, I'm home,' the tension escalates, culminating in Jack successfully unlocking the door, leaving Wendy and Danny's safety hanging by a thread.
Strengths
  • Tension-building
  • Suspenseful atmosphere
  • High emotional impact
Weaknesses
  • Limited dialogue
  • Reliance on physical action

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene effectively builds tension and suspense through the use of the axe attack, the locked door, and the characters' desperate attempts to escape. The ominous tone and the high stakes make it a gripping and memorable moment in the screenplay.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of the scene, focusing on a violent confrontation and a desperate escape attempt, is well-executed and contributes to the overall horror and thriller elements of the screenplay.

Plot: 9

The plot of the scene revolves around the characters' struggle for survival and their attempts to escape from Jack's violent actions. It moves the story forward by raising the stakes and increasing the tension between the characters.

Originality: 9

The scene is original in its portrayal of a woman's desperate attempt to escape from her abusive husband. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and contribute to the sense of danger and urgency.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters' actions and reactions in the scene reflect their fear and desperation, adding depth to their personalities. Jack's menacing behavior and Wendy's protective instincts are highlighted in this intense moment.

Character Changes: 8

The characters undergo a change in their behavior and mindset as they are forced to confront the threat of violence. Wendy becomes more determined and protective, while Jack's aggression escalates.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to protect herself and her son from Jack's violent behavior. This reflects her deeper need for safety and security.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to escape from Jack and the dangerous situation in the hotel. This reflects the immediate challenge she is facing.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is intense and physical, as Jack threatens Wendy and Danny with violence. The characters' struggle for survival creates a high level of tension and suspense.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Jack's violent actions creating a sense of danger and uncertainty.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in the scene, as the characters are in a life-threatening situation with Jack's violent actions. The outcome of the confrontation will have significant consequences for the characters' survival.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by raising the stakes and increasing the tension between the characters. It sets the stage for the climax of the screenplay and the resolution of the conflict.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because the audience doesn't know if Wendy will successfully escape or if Jack will catch her.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the clash between Jack's violent and controlling behavior and Wendy's desire for freedom and safety. This challenges Wendy's beliefs about her marriage and her role as a mother.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact due to the characters' fear and desperation. The audience is likely to feel anxious and on edge as they watch the intense confrontation unfold.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue in the scene is minimal but impactful, conveying the characters' emotions and motivations effectively. Jack's ominous words and Wendy's silent determination add to the tension of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense action and suspenseful atmosphere, keeping the audience on the edge of their seats.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is fast-paced and suspenseful, effectively building tension and keeping the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and easy to follow, adhering to the expected format for a screenplay.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, following the expected format for a thriller genre.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension through the use of quick cuts between Jack's violent actions and Wendy's desperate attempts to protect Danny. This juxtaposition heightens the sense of urgency and fear, which is crucial for a horror narrative.
  • The use of the axe as a symbol of Jack's descent into madness is powerful, but the scene could benefit from more internal conflict for Jack. Exploring his psychological state as he swings the axe could add depth to his character and make the audience question his motivations.
  • Wendy's actions are clear and driven by instinct, but her emotional state could be more vividly portrayed. Adding internal monologue or visual cues that show her fear and determination would enhance her character's depth and make her struggle more relatable.
  • The dialogue is minimal, which works well in a tense scene, but a few lines of dialogue could be added to convey the emotional stakes. For example, Wendy could whisper reassurances to Danny or express her fear, which would deepen the emotional impact.
  • The transitions between cuts are effective, but the pacing could be adjusted to allow for moments of stillness. A brief pause after a particularly intense moment could amplify the tension before the next action, making the audience feel the weight of the situation.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief internal monologue for Jack as he swings the axe, reflecting his inner turmoil and the conflict between his love for his family and his violent impulses.
  • Incorporate more visual storytelling elements, such as close-ups of Wendy's face to capture her fear and determination, or Danny's expressions to show his confusion and terror.
  • Introduce a line or two of dialogue from Wendy that expresses her fear or determination, which could help the audience connect more with her character and the stakes of the situation.
  • Experiment with pacing by allowing for a moment of silence or stillness after Jack's axe strikes the door, creating a more palpable tension before the next action unfolds.
  • Consider using sound design to enhance the scene; the sound of the axe striking the door could be amplified, or the background noise could fade out to focus on the characters' breathing and the tension in the moment.



Scene 52 - Desperate Escape
INT. BATHROOM - M.S.

WENDY, back to camera, lifts DANNY up to open window.

CUT TO:

EXT. HOTEL - L.S.

WENDY pushes DANNY out through open window onto snow. She
lets him go and he slides L-R down snow. He stands up at
the bottom, and looks up at WENDY at window.

CUT TO:

M.S. WENDY struggling to get out of open window.

CUT TO:

INT. JACK'S APARTMENT - M.S.

JACK, carrying axe, moves up stairs from open front door.
CAMERA TRACKS BACK with him.

CUT TO:

EXT. HOTEL - M.S.

WENDY struggling to get out of bathroom window. She goes
back into bathroom.

CUT TO:

M.S. DANNY looking up cam.L at bathroom window.

CUT TO:

INT. JACK'S APARTMENT - BEDROOM - M.S.

JACK, carrying axe, walks away across Living Room into
Bedroom. CAMERA TRACKS after him.

JACK
Come out, come out, wherever you are!

CUT TO:


INT. BATHROOM - M.S.

WENDY trying to force window up higher. She looks over her
shoulder, then puts her head down to open window.

CUT TO:

EXT. HOTEL - M.S.

WENDY tries to get out of open window.

CUT TO:

INT. BEDROOM - M.C.S.

JACK enters cam.R. He stops at Bathroom door. HE RAPS ON
DOOR.

CUT TO:

EXT. HOTEL - M.S.

WENDY with head out of open Bathroom window.

WENDY
Danny, I can't get out!

CUT TO:

L.S. WENDY at Bathroom window cam.L. DANNY at foot of slope
of snow looking up cam.L.

WENDY
Run, run and hide. Run, quick!

DANNY runs away L-R.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Horror","Thriller"]

Summary In a tense hotel bathroom, Wendy desperately lifts Danny out of a window, urging him to run and hide as Jack, wielding an axe, searches for them. The scene builds suspense as Wendy struggles to escape while Jack closes in, highlighting the urgent danger they face.
Strengths
  • Intense tension
  • Strong character development
  • High emotional impact
  • Compelling conflict resolution
Weaknesses
  • Potential for confusion in the action sequences
  • Some dialogue may feel cliched or melodramatic

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene effectively builds tension, fear, and desperation through its intense dialogue, actions, and setting. The stakes are high, and the emotional impact is significant, keeping the audience on the edge of their seats.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of a family trapped in a haunted hotel, facing their inner demons and external threats, is compelling and well-executed in this scene. The psychological horror elements are effectively portrayed, adding depth to the narrative.

Plot: 9

The plot of the scene is crucial in advancing the story, revealing the characters' true nature and setting up the final confrontation. The escalating conflict between Wendy and Jack drives the narrative forward and keeps the audience engaged.

Originality: 9

The scene is original in its portrayal of a mother's desperate attempt to protect her child from a violent threat. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and heighten the tension.


Character Development

Characters: 9.2

The characters of Wendy, Jack, and Danny are well-developed in this scene, showcasing their strengths, weaknesses, and inner struggles. Wendy's determination to protect her son, Jack's descent into madness, and Danny's eerie connection to the supernatural all add depth to the story.

Character Changes: 9

The characters undergo significant changes in this scene, particularly Jack's descent into madness and Wendy's transformation into a protective mother willing to do whatever it takes to save her son. These changes drive the narrative forward and add depth to the characters.

Internal Goal: 8

Wendy's internal goal is to protect her son, Danny, and herself from Jack's violent intentions. This reflects her deeper need for safety and security.

External Goal: 7

Wendy's external goal is to escape from Jack and the hotel alive. This reflects the immediate challenge she is facing of survival.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9.5

The conflict in the scene is intense and multi-layered, involving physical, emotional, and psychological elements. The power struggle between Wendy and Jack, as well as the supernatural forces at play, heighten the stakes and keep the audience engaged.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Jack's menacing presence creating a sense of danger and urgency for the characters.

High Stakes: 10

The stakes in the scene are incredibly high, with the characters' lives on the line as they face physical, emotional, and supernatural threats. The sense of danger, urgency, and impending doom adds to the intensity of the scene.

Story Forward: 9

The scene effectively moves the story forward by setting up the final confrontation between Wendy and Jack, revealing key character dynamics, and escalating the tension to a breaking point. The narrative momentum is strong, leading to a climactic resolution.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because the audience is unsure of how Wendy will escape from Jack's threat, adding to the suspense.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the clash between Jack's desire for control and power, and Wendy's instinct to protect her son at all costs. This challenges Wendy's beliefs about family and sacrifice.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9.2

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking fear, anxiety, and dread in the audience. The characters' struggles, the escalating tension, and the sense of impending danger all contribute to the emotional intensity of the scene.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the characters' emotions, fears, and motivations. The tense exchanges between Wendy and Jack, as well as Danny's eerie utterances, enhance the atmosphere of dread and suspense.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its high stakes, intense action, and emotional conflict between the characters.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building suspense and maintaining the audience's interest through quick cuts and intense action sequences.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and easy to follow, with concise descriptions and effective use of camera directions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a suspenseful thriller, with escalating tension and a clear goal for the protagonist.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension by juxtaposing Wendy's desperate attempt to escape with Jack's menacing approach. However, the pacing could be improved by varying the length of shots to create a more dynamic rhythm, particularly during the moments of struggle and urgency.
  • The use of cuts between Wendy's struggle and Jack's movements is effective in heightening suspense, but the transitions could be more fluid. Consider using overlapping dialogue or sound effects to create a more seamless flow between the two locations, enhancing the sense of urgency.
  • Wendy's dialogue, while conveying her fear, could be more emotionally charged. Adding a line that expresses her desperation or fear for Danny's safety could deepen the emotional impact of the scene.
  • The visual descriptions are clear, but they could benefit from more sensory details. For instance, describing the cold air, the sound of the axe, or the crunch of snow could immerse the audience further into the scene.
  • The scene lacks a clear emotional arc for Wendy. While she is in a state of panic, showing a moment of determination or resolve could add depth to her character and make her struggle more relatable.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment where Wendy hesitates before pushing Danny out, showcasing her internal conflict about sending him into danger versus keeping him safe.
  • Incorporate more sensory details to enhance the atmosphere, such as the sound of the axe striking the door or the cold wind whipping around Wendy as she struggles with the window.
  • Add a line of dialogue from Wendy that expresses her fear or determination, such as a plea for Danny to be safe or a reminder of their bond, to heighten the emotional stakes.
  • Experiment with the pacing of the cuts; for instance, linger on Wendy's struggle for a moment longer to emphasize her desperation before cutting to Jack's approach.
  • Consider using a close-up shot of Danny's face as he looks up at Wendy, capturing his fear and confusion, which would add emotional weight to the scene.



Scene 53 - The Bathroom Standoff
INT. BEDROOM - M.C.S.

JACK at Bathroom door.

JACK
Little pigs, little pigs, let me
come in!

CUT TO:

INT. BATHROOM - M.S.

WENDY by open window. She moves L-R to basin. CAMERA PANS
with her. She picks up knife and moves R-L to side of door.


CAMERA PANS with her.

CUT TO:

INT. BEDROOM - M.C.S.

JACK at Bathroom door.

JACK
Not by the hair on your chiny,
chin, chin. Then I'll huff, and
I'll puff

CUT TO:

M.S. JACK holding axe back to camera at Bathroom door.

JACK (CONT'D)
and I'll blow your house in.

He swings axe back.

CUT TO:

M.S. JACK swings axe twice at Bathroom door. WENDY SCREAMS
OFF.

CUT TO:

INT. BATHROOM - M.S.

WENDY standing at side of door. JACK's axe appear through
door. WENDY SCREAMS. JACK's axe repeatedly appears and
splinters door. WENDY screams.

WENDY
Jack. Please. Don't... Don't...

Head of axe appears through splintered door. WENDY SCREAMS.

WENDY
Don't! Oh! Please

Head of axe appears again through door. WENDY SCREAMS.

WENDY
Stop!

CUT TO:

M.C.S. Splintered door panel.

WENDY (OFF)
Jack!


JACK in b.g. swings axe at door and smashes away the
splintered wood.

WENDY (OFF)
Stop it! Stop it!

CUT TO:

INT. BEDROOM - M.S.

JACK swings axe at splintered door.

WENDY (OFF)
Stop it!

JACK moves L-R to gap in splintered door. WENDY SCREAMS OFF.

CUT TO:

INT. BATHROOM - M.C.S.

JACK's face at gap in splintered door.

JACK
Here's Johnny!

CUT TO:

M.C.S. WENDY holding knife SCREAMS.

CUT TO:

M.C.S. JACK's smiling face at gap in splintered door. He
moves backwards and reaches in through gap.

CUT TO:

M.C.S. JACK's hand in through gap in door to key on inside
of door.

CUT TO:

M.S. WENDY strikes down with knife.

CUT TO:

M.C.S. JACK's hand on key. WENDY's knife slashes across
back of his hand, and withdraws cam.R. JACK's hand moves to
gap in door. JACK YELLS OFF.

CUT TO:


M.C.S. JACK's face at gap in door. HE IS YELLING. He looks
down and turns away from door.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Horror","Thriller"]

Summary In a tense confrontation, Jack taunts Wendy from outside the bathroom door, threatening to break in with an axe. Armed with a knife, Wendy prepares to defend herself as Jack splinters the door, delivering the chilling line 'Here's Johnny!' when his face appears through the gap. In a desperate attempt to protect herself, Wendy slashes Jack's hand, causing him to retreat in pain, but the conflict remains unresolved.
Strengths
  • Intense tension
  • Effective use of setting
  • Strong character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Limited dialogue
  • Some predictable moments

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene is highly effective in creating a sense of terror and tension, with strong performances and a well-executed build-up to the climactic moment of Jack breaking through the door with the axe.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of a terrifying confrontation between Jack and Wendy, with the use of an axe as a weapon, is executed with skill and precision, creating a memorable and impactful scene.

Plot: 9

The plot of the scene revolves around the escalating conflict between Jack and Wendy, leading to a high-stakes confrontation that drives the tension and fear to a peak.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh take on the home invasion trope, with a unique reference to the story of the three little pigs. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and add to the tension of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Jack and Wendy are well-developed in this scene, with their fear, desperation, and determination shining through in their actions and dialogue.

Character Changes: 8

Both Jack and Wendy undergo significant changes in this scene, with Jack's descent into madness and violence contrasting with Wendy's transformation into a determined and resourceful survivor.

Internal Goal: 9

The protagonist's internal goal is to survive and protect herself from the antagonist. This reflects her deeper need for safety and security.

External Goal: 8

The protagonist's external goal is to defend herself against the antagonist who is trying to break into the room. This reflects the immediate challenge she is facing.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is intense and high-stakes, as Jack threatens Wendy with an axe, leading to a terrifying and suspenseful confrontation.

Opposition: 9

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing a life-threatening situation and the audience unsure of the outcome.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are extremely high in this scene, as Jack threatens Wendy with an axe, putting her life in imminent danger and raising the tension to a peak.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by escalating the conflict between Jack and Wendy, leading to a critical moment that propels the narrative towards its climax.

Unpredictability: 9

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected actions of the characters and the escalating tension throughout.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the clash between good and evil, as the antagonist is portrayed as a threatening force while the protagonist is fighting for her life. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs in safety and security.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking fear, anxiety, and tension in the audience as they witness the terrifying confrontation between Jack and Wendy.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene is minimal but impactful, with Jack's menacing lines and Wendy's desperate pleas adding to the tension and fear of the confrontation.

Engagement: 10

This scene is engaging because of its intense and suspenseful nature, keeping the audience on the edge of their seats.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a gradual build-up of tension and suspense leading to a climactic moment.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear camera directions and character actions.

Structure: 9

The scene follows a structured format with clear scene transitions and action descriptions, effectively building tension and suspense.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension through the use of Jack's taunting dialogue and the physical threat of the axe. However, the pacing could be improved by varying the rhythm of the cuts between Jack and Wendy, allowing for moments of silence or stillness to heighten the suspense before the next action.
  • The dialogue, while iconic, could benefit from additional emotional depth. Jack's lines are menacing, but they could also reflect his internal struggle or madness, adding layers to his character. Wendy's pleas could be more varied to convey her desperation and fear more vividly.
  • The visual storytelling is strong, particularly with the use of close-ups on the axe and Wendy's reactions. However, the scene could incorporate more dynamic camera movements or angles to enhance the sense of chaos and urgency. For example, a shaky cam could be used during the axe swings to mimic the frantic energy of the moment.
  • The sound design is crucial in this scene, and while the screams are effective, the use of silence or muffled sounds could create a more haunting atmosphere. The contrast between the violent actions and the eerie quiet could amplify the horror.
  • The transition cuts between the bathroom and bedroom are effective but could be more fluid. Instead of abrupt cuts, consider using a more gradual transition that allows the audience to feel the weight of the moment, perhaps by lingering on Wendy's face or the axe before cutting to the next shot.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment of silence or a brief pause after Jack's taunts to let the tension build before the axe swings begin.
  • Enhance Jack's dialogue to reflect his psychological state, perhaps by incorporating more erratic or fragmented speech patterns that indicate his unraveling sanity.
  • Experiment with different camera angles and movements, such as a handheld camera during the axe swings, to create a more immersive and chaotic experience for the audience.
  • Incorporate sound design elements that emphasize the isolation of the scene, such as muffled sounds or eerie background noises that contrast with the violence.
  • Refine the transitions between shots to create a more cohesive flow, allowing the audience to fully absorb the emotional weight of each moment before moving to the next.



Scene 54 - Descent into Chaos
EXT. ROAD - NIGHT - M.S.

Shooting from behind HALLORAN sitting back to camera L.f.g.
through windscreen as he drives along snow-covered road.

CUT TO:

INT. BATHROOM - M.S.

WENDY at side of door. She looks cam.R as she hears
HALLORAN's Snowcat approaching OFF.

CUT TO:

INT. BEDROOM - M.C.S.

JACK at Bathroom door - he turns round as he hears HALLORAN's
Snowcat approaching OFF. He looks down cam.L.

CUT TO:

EXT. HOTEL - NIGHT - L.S.

HALLORAN's Snowcat moves R-L along snow-covered road.
CAMERA TRACKS with it revealing Overlook Hotel in b.g.

CUT TO:

INT. BEDROOM - M.C.S.

JACK looking cam.R. He turns away to splintered door.
SOUND OF SNOWCAT OFF.

CUT TO:

INT. BATHROOM - M.C.S.

WENDY at side of door listening.

CUT TO:

EXT. HOTEL - L.S.

HALLORAN's Snowcat moves R-L along front of Hotel. CAMERA
TRACKS with it. Snowcat stops.

CUT TO:


INT. HOTEL CORRIDOR - KITCHEN - M.L.S.

DANNY runs forward along corridor. CAMERA TRACKS BACK
before him. He runs into kitchen - stops and moves L-R to
oven. He kneels down beside it. CAMERA PANS with him.
DANNY slides oven door open R-L and crawls into it.

CUT TO:

M.C.S. DANNY in oven slides door R-L.

CUT TO:

M.S. Oven door sliding L-R.

CUT TO:

M.S. JACK holding axe limps R-L through kitchen. CAMERA
TRACKS with him.

CUT TO:

INT. BATHROOM - M.S.

WENDY sobbing at side of door - then she moves to door and
slashes at it with knife.

CUT TO:

EXT. HOTEL - M.L.S.

HALLORAN walking R-L. CAMERA TRACKS with him. He moves to
door left open by WENDY. He pulls it open wide and exits
into Hotel.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Horror","Thriller"]

Summary As Halloran drives his Snowcat towards the Overlook Hotel, Wendy listens anxiously from the bathroom, while Jack, armed with an axe, stalks through the kitchen. Danny seeks refuge in the oven, heightening the tension as Wendy desperately slashes at the bathroom door to protect her son. Halloran arrives at the hotel, offering a glimmer of hope amidst the escalating violence.
Strengths
  • Tension-building
  • Suspenseful atmosphere
  • Strong character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Potential predictability in some moments
  • Limited character development for secondary characters

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene is highly effective in building tension and fear, with a well-executed design that keeps the audience on edge. The concept of the final confrontation between Wendy and Jack is gripping and well-developed, leading to a climactic moment. The execution of the scene is top-notch, delivering on the promised suspense and horror.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of the final confrontation between Wendy and Jack in a snow-covered hotel setting is compelling and well-realized. The scene effectively conveys the horror and suspense of the situation, keeping the audience engaged and on the edge of their seats.

Plot: 9

The plot of the scene revolves around the intense confrontation between Wendy and Jack, leading to a climactic moment of terror and suspense. The plot progression is well-paced, with each beat building towards the ultimate showdown.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the typical horror genre tropes by focusing on the characters' emotional responses and internal conflicts amidst the external danger. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds depth and complexity to the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Wendy and Jack are well-developed in this scene, with their motivations and fears driving the tension and conflict. Wendy's determination to protect herself and Danny, contrasted with Jack's descent into madness, creates a compelling dynamic that drives the scene forward.

Character Changes: 8

Both Wendy and Jack undergo significant changes in this scene, with Wendy transforming from a frightened victim to a determined survivor, while Jack descends further into madness and violence. These character changes drive the tension and conflict of the scene.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to protect himself and his family from the impending danger represented by Halloran's Snowcat. This reflects Jack's deep fear of losing control and his desire to maintain power over his surroundings.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to physically defend his family from potential harm, as indicated by his holding an axe and moving through the kitchen.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The level of conflict in the scene is high, with Wendy and Jack engaged in a life-and-death struggle for survival. The tension and fear are palpable as the confrontation escalates, leading to a dramatic and intense climax.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the characters facing a significant threat and conflicting motivations that create uncertainty and tension.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are incredibly high in this scene, as Wendy and Jack face a life-or-death struggle in a remote and dangerous setting. The outcome of this confrontation will have far-reaching consequences for the characters and the story, raising the tension and suspense to a fever pitch.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward significantly, as the ultimate confrontation between Wendy and Jack reaches its climax. The resolution of this conflict will have a major impact on the overall narrative, making this scene a crucial turning point in the story.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the characters' conflicting actions and the uncertain outcome of their confrontation with Halloran.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the characters' differing beliefs about survival and protection. Jack's aggressive actions contrast with Wendy's defensive behavior, highlighting their conflicting values and approaches to danger.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking fear, anxiety, and terror in the audience. The intense confrontation between Wendy and Jack, coupled with the sense of isolation and danger, creates a powerful emotional response that keeps viewers on the edge of their seats.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene is tense and impactful, conveying the escalating conflict between Wendy and Jack. The lines are well-crafted to heighten the suspense and fear, adding to the overall atmosphere of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense and suspenseful atmosphere, compelling character dynamics, and the imminent threat that keeps the audience on edge.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds suspense and maintains the audience's interest through its rhythmic progression of events.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene adheres to the expected formatting for its genre, with clear and concise descriptions that enhance the visual storytelling.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear and coherent structure, effectively building tension and suspense through its pacing and sequencing of events.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension by alternating between the perspectives of Halloran, Wendy, and Jack, creating a sense of impending confrontation. However, the transitions between cuts could be smoother to maintain the flow of suspense. The abrupt cuts may disrupt the pacing, making it feel choppy rather than fluid.
  • Wendy's emotional state is conveyed through her sobbing and actions, but the scene could benefit from more internal conflict or dialogue to deepen her character's desperation. Adding a line or two of her thoughts could enhance the audience's connection to her plight.
  • Danny's actions of crawling into the oven are chilling and heighten the tension, but the visual representation could be more impactful. Consider emphasizing the contrast between his innocence and the danger surrounding him, perhaps through a close-up shot of his fearful expression as he hides.
  • Jack's presence is felt through his actions and the sound of the axe, but his motivations could be clearer. A brief moment of internal dialogue or a flashback could provide insight into his mental state, making his descent into madness more relatable and tragic.
  • The scene's climax hinges on the arrival of Halloran, but his entrance feels somewhat abrupt. Building up to his arrival with more suspenseful sound design or visual cues could enhance the moment, making it feel like a significant turning point rather than a mere plot device.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment of internal dialogue for Wendy to express her fears or thoughts about the situation, which would deepen her character and enhance the emotional stakes.
  • Smooth out the transitions between cuts to create a more cohesive flow, perhaps by using sound bridges or visual motifs that connect the different locations and characters.
  • Enhance the visual storytelling by including close-ups of Danny's face as he hides in the oven, capturing his fear and innocence, which would amplify the tension of the scene.
  • Incorporate a brief flashback or internal monologue for Jack to provide context for his actions, helping the audience understand his psychological state and the stakes involved.
  • Build anticipation for Halloran's arrival by using sound design, such as the distant rumble of the Snowcat, to create a sense of hope and tension simultaneously, making his entrance feel more impactful.



Scene 55 - The Descent into Madness
INT. HOTEL - LOBBY - M.S.

JACK holding axe moves forward - CAMERA PANS R-L and TRACKS
with him. He moves away up stairs.

HALLORAN (OFF)
Hallo!

JACK at top of stairs.

HALLORAN (OFF)
Anybody here?

JACK moves away from stairs CAMERA TRACKS after him. JACK
moves R-L and looks down at Lobby. CAMERA TRACKS after him.


HALLORAN (OFF)
Hallo! Anybody here?

CUT TO:

M.L.S. HALLORAN moves forward along corridor. CAMERA TRACKS
FORWARD.

HALLORAN
Hallo!

HALLORAN moves R-L to entrance to Lobby.

HALLORAN
Anybody here?

HALLORAN moves away into Lobby. CAMERA TRACKS FORWARD after
him.

HALLORAN
Hallo! Hallo! Anybody here?

JACK, holding axe, YELLS as he steps from behind pillar
cam.R and moves towards HALLORAN.

CUT TO:

M.S. JACK YELLING as he swings axe at HALLORAN.

CUT TO:

M.C.S. HALLORAN's chest - axe pierces raincoat and blood
oozes out.

CUT TO:

M.C.S. DANNY, with his mouth wide open.

CUT TO:

M.S. JACK over HALLORAN. JACK holding onto shaft of axe.

CUT TO:

M.C.S. HALLORAN, with his mouth wide open.

CUT TO:

M.C.S. DANNY, with his mouth wide open.

CUT TO:


M.S. JACK over HALLORAN, holding onto shaft of axe.

CUT TO:

M.C.S. HALLORAN, with his mouth wide open, sinks down out of
shot.

CUT TO:

M.C.S. DANNY, with his mouth wide open.

CUT TO:

M.C.S. JACK rises up into shot.

CUT TO:

M.L.S. JACK holding axe standing beside body of HALLORAN on
floor. JACK limps forward. CAMERA TRACKS BACK before him.

JACK
Danny! Danny boy!

He stops at corridor to kitchen.

JACK
Danny!

CUT TO:

M.L.S. JACK back to camera in R.f.g. DANNY climbs out of
oven in b.g. JACK moves forward. DANNY exits cam.R.f.g.
JACK limps away. CAMERA TRACKS IN after him.

JACK
Danny! Danny!

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Horror","Thriller"]

Summary In a chilling hotel lobby scene, JACK, armed with an axe, ambushes HALLORAN, fatally wounding him as he searches for others. The tension escalates as DANNY witnesses the violent act in shock. After HALLORAN collapses, JACK calls out for DANNY, continuing his menacing search, leaving a trail of horror in his wake.
Strengths
  • Intense tension
  • Effective use of violence
  • Strong emotional impact
Weaknesses
  • Minimal dialogue
  • Graphic violence

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene is highly effective in creating a sense of dread and suspense through the use of violence, ominous tone, and intense emotions. It keeps the audience on edge and engaged throughout.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of a violent confrontation involving an axe attack in a hotel setting is gripping and well-executed, adding to the horror and suspense of the overall story.

Plot: 9

The plot is advanced significantly in this scene through the violent confrontation between characters, leading to a crucial turning point in the story's development.

Originality: 8

The scene is original in its depiction of a violent confrontation in a hotel lobby, with a focus on the characters' actions and the tension between them. The authenticity of the characters' dialogue and actions adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters' actions and emotions are central to the scene, with Jack's menacing presence, Wendy's fear and determination, and Danny's vulnerability adding depth and intensity to the conflict.

Character Changes: 9

The characters undergo significant changes in this scene, with Jack's descent into madness, Wendy's fight for survival, and Danny's exposure to danger all shaping their arcs and relationships.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to assert dominance and control over the situation. This reflects his deeper need for power and his fear of losing control.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to confront and potentially harm another character. This reflects the immediate challenge of asserting his dominance and control over the situation.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9.5

The conflict in the scene is intense and visceral, with physical violence and emotional turmoil driving the characters to their breaking points.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing a challenging and potentially dangerous situation.

High Stakes: 10

The stakes are incredibly high in this scene, with the characters' lives in danger, the threat of violence looming large, and the outcome carrying significant consequences for the story's resolution.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward by escalating the conflict, raising the stakes, and setting the stage for the climactic resolution of the narrative.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the sudden and violent actions of the characters, keeping the audience on edge.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

There is a philosophical conflict evident in this scene between the protagonist's desire for power and control and the value of human life. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs and values, as he is willing to harm others to achieve his goals.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9.5

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking fear, anxiety, and terror in the audience as the characters face a life-threatening situation.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is minimal but impactful, with Jack's taunts and threats adding to the tension and fear of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense action, suspenseful atmosphere, and the unfolding of a violent confrontation.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building suspense and tension, leading to a climactic moment.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear descriptions of the characters' actions and the camera movements.

Structure: 9

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with a clear progression of events and a focus on visual storytelling.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension through the use of sound and visual cues, particularly with Halloran's repeated calls and Jack's sudden appearance. However, the pacing could be improved by allowing more time for Halloran's search, which would heighten the suspense before Jack's attack.
  • The use of close-ups on Halloran and Danny's shocked expressions is impactful, but the scene could benefit from more varied shot compositions to enhance the emotional weight of the moment. For instance, incorporating wider shots could provide context to the setting and the characters' isolation.
  • The dialogue is minimal, which works well in creating a sense of dread. However, adding a line or two from Halloran that expresses his concern or intuition about the danger could deepen his character and make his fate more tragic.
  • The transition between shots could be smoother. The abrupt cuts between Jack, Halloran, and Danny feel disjointed at times. Consider using more fluid transitions or maintaining a consistent visual motif to connect these moments more cohesively.
  • Jack's motivation in this scene is clear, but his emotional state could be further emphasized. Adding a moment of hesitation or a brief internal struggle before he attacks could make his descent into violence more compelling and relatable.
Suggestions
  • Extend Halloran's search in the lobby to build suspense. Allow the audience to feel his growing unease before Jack's attack.
  • Incorporate wider shots to establish the setting and the characters' isolation, enhancing the emotional impact of the scene.
  • Consider adding a line of dialogue from Halloran that hints at his awareness of danger, making his character more relatable and his fate more tragic.
  • Smooth out the transitions between shots to create a more cohesive flow, possibly by using visual motifs or thematic elements that connect the characters.
  • Introduce a moment of hesitation for Jack before he attacks, showcasing his internal conflict and making his violent actions more impactful.



Scene 56 - Pursuit in the Overlook
INT. HOTEL - STAIRS - M.S.

High Angle WENDY runs up stairs L-R. She pauses on landing.

WENDY
Danny!

CAMERA TRACKS BACK before WENDY as she goes up next flight
of stairs. She stops at top of stairs and looks along
landing.

CUT TO:

M.L.S. WENDY'S P.O.V. Shooting along landing into open
doorway of bedroom.


MAN, dressed in Dog's costume, kneeling at foot of bed. He
leans back and looks towards her. MAN, in evening dress,
leans forward and looks at WENDY. CAMERA ZOOMS IN on them.

CUT TO:

M.S. WENDY, holding knife, at top of stairs backs away -
then turns and runs away along corridor, exiting cam.L at end.

CUT TO:

INT. LOBBY - M.L.S.

JACK, holding axe, limps forward and moves L-R through
entrance. He walks away to open door. CAMERA TRACKS after
him. He stops in doorway.

CUT TO:

EXT. OVERLOOK HOTEL - NIGHT - M.L.S.

Shooting from door. HALLORAN's Snowcat in b.g. CAMERA PANS
L-R.

CUT TO:

INT. HOTEL - LOBBY - M.S.

JACK, holding axe, at open doorway. He comes in and moves
L-R to switch panel on wall. He opens cover and presses
switches down. He leans towards open doorway and watches
lights going on outside.

CUT TO:

EXT. HOTEL - M.S.

DANNY crouched behind track of HALLORAN's Snowcat. He peers
round corner.

CUT TO:

EXT. HOTEL - M.S.

JACK limps to open doorway and stops.

JACK
Danny!

CUT TO:


EXT. HOTEL - M.S.

DANNY by track of HALLORAN's Snowcat. He moves away L-R.

CUT TO:

M.L.S. JACK limps away from door.

JACK
Danny!

CUT TO:

M.S. DANNY runs L-R and exits cam.R.

CUT TO:

M.S. JACK limping L-R from Hotel. CAMERA TRACKS with him.

JACK
Danny!

CUT TO:

M.L.S. DANNY running away L-R across snow. CAMERA PANS with
him. He runs into Maze.

CUT TO:

M.S. JACK limping L-R. CAMERA TRACKS with him. Hotel in b.g.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Horror","Thriller"]

Summary In a tense scene at the Overlook Hotel, Wendy is terrified after encountering a man in a dog costume and another in evening dress, prompting her to flee. Meanwhile, Jack, armed with an axe, searches for their son Danny, who is hiding outside. As Jack calls for Danny, the boy makes a desperate escape into the snowy maze, heightening the suspense and fear of the moment.
Strengths
  • Intense atmosphere
  • Effective tension-building
  • Strong character interactions
Weaknesses
  • Some cliched horror elements
  • Predictable character actions

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively builds tension and suspense through the interactions between the characters, the high stakes involved, and the ominous setting. The dialogue and actions contribute to a sense of fear and anxiety, keeping the audience engaged.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene, focusing on the final showdown between the characters in a terrifying setting, is compelling and effectively executed. The scene effectively conveys the horror and suspense of the situation.

Plot: 8.5

The plot of the scene is crucial in advancing the story towards its climax, with significant developments in the characters' relationships and the resolution of conflicts. The scene propels the narrative forward towards the resolution.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces unique situations such as characters in costumes, a maze, and a snow-covered setting. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-developed and their interactions drive the tension and conflict in the scene. Each character's motivations and actions contribute to the escalating drama.

Character Changes: 8

The characters undergo significant changes in the scene, particularly in their relationships and perceptions of each other. The events of the scene have a lasting impact on their development.

Internal Goal: 8

Wendy's internal goal is to protect herself and her son from the dangerous individuals in the hotel. This reflects her deeper need for safety and security.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to escape the hotel and the threatening individuals within it. This reflects the immediate circumstances and challenges they are facing.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is intense and drives the narrative towards its climax. The characters' conflicting goals and emotions create a palpable sense of danger and suspense.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with characters facing difficult challenges and obstacles that create uncertainty and tension.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes in the scene are high, with the characters' lives and relationships on the line. The outcome of the confrontation will have a significant impact on the story and the characters' fates.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward towards its resolution, setting up the final confrontation and the ultimate outcome of the narrative. It propels the plot towards its climax.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable due to the characters' unexpected actions and the uncertain outcome of their decisions.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the struggle between survival instincts and moral values. The characters must make difficult decisions to protect themselves, which challenges their beliefs and values.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking fear, tension, and anxiety in the audience. The characters' struggles and the high stakes involved heighten the emotional intensity of the scene.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the characters' emotions, fears, and motivations, adding depth to the confrontation. The lines are impactful and contribute to the overall tension.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense atmosphere, suspenseful pacing, and character-driven tension.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds suspense and maintains the audience's interest through well-timed reveals and character movements.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and concise, following the expected format for a screenplay in this genre.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a suspenseful thriller genre, building tension and suspense effectively.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension by alternating between Wendy's fear and Jack's menacing pursuit. However, the introduction of the man in the dog costume feels disjointed and may confuse the audience. It could benefit from clearer context or foreshadowing to enhance its impact.
  • Wendy's reaction to the man in the dog costume is appropriate, but the scene could delve deeper into her emotional state. Adding internal thoughts or a brief flashback could heighten the stakes and provide insight into her fear.
  • The pacing of the scene is generally good, but the transitions between shots could be smoother. For instance, the cuts between Wendy's perspective and Jack's actions feel abrupt. Consider using more fluid transitions to maintain the tension and flow.
  • The dialogue is minimal, which works for the suspenseful tone, but it might be beneficial to include a brief line from Wendy that expresses her fear or determination. This could add depth to her character and make her plight more relatable.
  • The visual descriptions are strong, but the scene could benefit from more sensory details. Describing the sounds of the hotel, the cold air, or the feeling of the knife in Wendy's hand could enhance the atmosphere and immerse the audience further.
Suggestions
  • Consider providing more context for the man in the dog costume, perhaps through a brief line of dialogue or a visual cue that hints at his significance.
  • Add internal monologue or emotional reflections for Wendy to deepen her character and make her fear more palpable.
  • Smooth out the transitions between shots to create a more cohesive flow, perhaps by using overlapping dialogue or sound effects.
  • Incorporate a line of dialogue from Wendy that reflects her emotional state, adding depth to her character and making her struggle more relatable.
  • Enhance the sensory details in the scene to create a more immersive experience for the audience, focusing on sounds, temperature, and tactile sensations.



Scene 57 - Chase Through the Snow
EXT. HOTEL - MAZE - M.S.

DANNY running away through Maze. CAMERA TRACKS after him.
He looks back over his shoulder.

CUT TO:

M.S. JACK in the Maze. He limps forward. CAMERA TRACKS
BACK before him.

JACK
Danny! I'm coming. I'm coming Dan!

He looks down.

CUT TO:

M.C.S. DANNY's footprints in snow. CAMERA TILTS UP & TRACKS
FORWARD along DANNY's footprints.

CUT TO:


M.C.S. DANNY's feet and legs running away through Maze.
CAMERA TRACKS FORWARD.

CUT TO:

INT. HOTEL - M.L.S.

WENDY, carrying knife, runs forward into kitchen. She looks
towards stairs in b.g.

WENDY
Danny!

WENDY stumbles forward through coffee pots and rings on
floor. CAMERA TRACKS BACK before her.

WENDY
Oh!

WENDY turns R-L. CAMERA TRACKS with her. She moves away
along corridor. CAMERA TRACKS after her. She stops at
corner. CAMERA CONTINUES PAST her revealing HALLORAN lying
dead on floor of lobby.

CUT TO:

M.C.S. WENDY reacts.

CUT TO:

M.L.S. HALLORAN's body lying on floor. CAMERA ZOOMS IN on it.

CUT TO:

M.C.S. WENDY looks about. She moves away R-L. CAMERA PANS
with her. She SCREAMS and turns to cam.R. CAMERA WHIP PANS
L-R onto M.L.S. INJURED GUEST.

CUT TO:

M.S. WENDY reacting - knife trembles in her hand.

CUT TO:

M.C.S. INJURED GUEST, with scar running down his head and
face. He raises glass he is holding.

INJURED GUEST
Great party, isn't it?

CUT TO:


M.S. WENDY SCREAMING turns and runs away.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Horror","Thriller"]

Summary In a tense and suspenseful scene, Danny flees through a snowy maze, pursued by a limping Jack who calls out for him. Meanwhile, Wendy searches desperately for her son in the chaotic hotel kitchen, armed with a knife. She stumbles upon Halloran's dead body in the lobby, reacting in horror, and encounters an injured guest who makes a chilling remark about a party. Overwhelmed by fear, Wendy screams and runs away, leaving the audience in suspense about her fate.
Strengths
  • Intense tension
  • High-stakes chase
  • Emotional impact
Weaknesses
  • Minimal dialogue
  • Some predictable moments

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively builds tension and suspense through the maze chase, showcasing the characters' fear and desperation. The high stakes and shocking moments contribute to the overall impact of the scene.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a chase through a maze in a horror setting is engaging and keeps the audience on edge. The scene effectively utilizes the maze as a physical representation of the characters' psychological struggles.

Plot: 8.5

The plot of the scene revolves around the characters' attempts to escape danger, leading to intense moments and unexpected twists. The progression of the chase adds to the overall tension.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the 'chase' trope by setting it in a maze within a hotel, adding layers of complexity and suspense. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and contribute to the escalating tension.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters' reactions and actions in the scene reflect their fear and desperation, adding depth to their development. The interactions between the characters heighten the emotional impact of the scene.

Character Changes: 8

The characters undergo significant changes as they confront their fears and fight for survival in the maze. Their actions and decisions reflect their growth and development throughout the scene.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to protect himself and escape from the antagonist. This reflects his deeper need for survival and safety, as well as his fear of the danger he is facing.

External Goal: 7.5

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to evade the antagonist and find a way to safety. This reflects the immediate challenge of being pursued and threatened by a dangerous individual.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is intense and constant, with characters facing physical and psychological threats. The chase through the maze heightens the conflict and keeps the audience engaged.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing a life-threatening situation and a relentless antagonist. The audience is kept in suspense about the outcome, adding to the tension.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are incredibly high in the scene, with characters facing imminent danger and fighting for their lives in a maze filled with uncertainty. The outcome of the chase will have significant consequences for the characters.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward by placing the characters in a life-threatening situation and forcing them to make crucial decisions. The maze chase adds momentum to the narrative and sets up future conflicts.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists and turns in the characters' actions and the shifting dynamics of the chase. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of the outcome.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the juxtaposition of the party atmosphere with the violence and fear experienced by the characters. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs about safety, trust, and the nature of human behavior.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene evokes fear, anxiety, and shock in the audience, eliciting strong emotional responses to the characters' perilous situation. The intense moments and character reactions enhance the emotional impact.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue in the scene is minimal but impactful, conveying the characters' emotions and the urgency of the situation. The lines spoken enhance the tension and fear present in the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its fast-paced action, high stakes, and emotional intensity. The audience is drawn into the characters' struggle for survival and the escalating danger they face.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining a sense of urgency and tension throughout, with well-timed action beats and character reactions.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a suspenseful thriller genre, with concise scene descriptions and clear character actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a suspenseful chase sequence, with clear action beats and character motivations driving the narrative forward.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension by alternating between Danny's frantic escape in the maze and Wendy's desperate search in the hotel. This parallel structure heightens the stakes, as both characters are in peril but in different locations.
  • The use of camera movements, such as tracking and tilting, enhances the urgency of the scene. However, the transitions between cuts could be smoother to maintain the flow and avoid jarring shifts that might disrupt the viewer's immersion.
  • Wendy's reaction to discovering Halloran's body is impactful, but the scene could benefit from a more visceral emotional response. Adding a moment of hesitation or a more profound expression of grief could deepen the audience's connection to her character.
  • The dialogue is minimal, which works well in creating a tense atmosphere. However, Wendy's scream feels somewhat abrupt. A brief moment of silence or a more gradual build-up to her scream could amplify its emotional weight.
  • The injured guest's line, 'Great party, isn't it?' is chilling and adds a layer of dark humor, but it might feel out of place without further context. Consider establishing the guest's character earlier in the script to make this moment more impactful.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief internal monologue or visual flashback for Wendy when she sees Halloran's body, which could provide insight into her emotional state and heighten the tension.
  • Enhance the pacing by incorporating more sound design elements, such as the crunching of snow underfoot or Wendy's heavy breathing, to immerse the audience further in the scene.
  • Explore the injured guest's character earlier in the screenplay to create a stronger connection with the audience, making his line more impactful when it occurs.
  • Experiment with the order of cuts to create a more suspenseful build-up. For instance, showing Wendy's reaction to Halloran's body before cutting to the body itself could create a more dramatic reveal.
  • Consider adding a moment where Wendy hesitates before running away, allowing the audience to feel her fear and uncertainty, which could enhance the emotional stakes of the scene.



Scene 58 - Chase Through the Shadows
EXT. HOTEL - MAZE - M.L.S.

DANNY running away through Maze. CAMERA TRACKS after him.

JACK (OFF)
Danny! Danny! I'm coming!

CUT TO:

M.S. JACK limps forward in Maze. CAMERA TRACKS BACK before
him.

JACK
You can't get away. I'm right
behind you.

CUT TO:

INT. HOTEL - CORRIDOR & LOUNGE - M.L.S.

WENDY runs forward.

WENDY
Danny!

WENDY runs forward and then moves R-L. CAMERA PANS with
her - she stops cam.R.f.g. and SCREAMS.

CUT TO:

M.C.S. WENDY looking about.

CUT TO:

M.L.S. SKELETONS sitting in chairs. Bottle of champagne on
table in f.g.

CUT TO:

M.S. SKELETONS sitting at table with bottle and glasses on it.

CUT TO:

M.L.S. SKELETONS sitting in chairs round tables with bottles
on them.

CUT TO:


EXT. HOTEL - MAZE - M.L.S.

JACK limps away through Maze. CAMERA TRACKS FORWARD after
him.

CUT TO:

M.S. DANNY steps backwards in his footprints in snow.

CUT TO:

M.S. JACK limps forward laughing.

JACK
Danny!

CUT TO:

M.L.S. DANNY stepping backwards in his footprints in snow.
He jumps L-R landing in snow, and crawls L-R - brushing his
traces in the snow out with his hands.

CUT TO:

INT. HOTEL - CORRIDOR - M.L.S.

WENDY holding knife runs forward. She slows down as she
nears f.g. She moves R-L. CAMERA PANS with her to open
door. She stops by doorway and looks along corridor towards
lift doors in b.g.

CUT TO:

M.S. Lift doors. Blood gushes in cam.L and surges forward
along floor.

CUT TO:

M.C.S. WENDY reacts.

CUT TO:

M.S. Lift doors. Blood gushes in cam.L and cam.R - surging
forward in wave towards camera.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Horror","Thriller"]

Summary In a tense and suspenseful scene, Danny flees through a snowy maze outside the hotel, pursued by the menacing Jack, who taunts him as he limps. Inside, Wendy frantically searches for her son, encountering a chilling sight of skeletons at tables. As Jack's maniacal laughter echoes, Danny attempts to hide his tracks in the snow. Meanwhile, Wendy, armed with a knife, approaches the lift doors, where blood begins to pour out, amplifying the sense of impending danger. The scene culminates in a wave of blood gushing from the lift, leaving the characters in a state of dread.
Strengths
  • Effective use of setting
  • Tension-building
  • High stakes
Weaknesses
  • Limited dialogue
  • Minimal character development

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively builds tension and fear through its setting, character dynamics, and the high stakes involved. The use of the maze adds a unique element to the chase sequence, keeping the audience on edge.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a chase through a maze in a horror setting is engaging and adds a unique twist to the scene. The use of the maze as a labyrinth of fear and danger enhances the overall concept of the scene.

Plot: 8.5

The plot of the scene revolves around the characters being pursued by Jack in a maze, leading to a high-stakes confrontation. The tension and fear escalate as the characters try to escape, driving the narrative forward.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces unique elements such as the presence of skeletons and the maze, adding a fresh twist to the familiar horror genre. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and contribute to the tension.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters of Danny and Wendy are portrayed as vulnerable and desperate, adding to the tension of the scene. Jack's menacing pursuit heightens the threat they face, creating a sense of danger and urgency.

Character Changes: 7

While there is not significant character development in this scene, the characters' actions and reactions under extreme pressure reveal their strengths and vulnerabilities.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to protect their loved ones and survive the dangerous situation they are in. This reflects their deeper need for safety and security.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to escape the hotel and the threat that is pursuing them. This reflects the immediate challenge they are facing.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is intense, with the characters facing a life-threatening situation as they are pursued by Jack in the maze. The high stakes and danger create a sense of urgency and fear.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing multiple threats and obstacles that keep the audience guessing about the outcome.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in this scene, as the characters are in mortal danger and must fight for survival against a relentless pursuer. The outcome of this confrontation will have significant consequences for the characters.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by placing the characters in a critical situation that will have repercussions for the rest of the narrative. The chase through the maze adds momentum and tension to the plot.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected supernatural elements and the uncertain outcome for the protagonist.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

There is a philosophical conflict between the protagonist's desire for survival and the unknown supernatural forces at play in the hotel. This challenges their beliefs about the natural world and their own mortality.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking fear, anxiety, and dread in the audience as the characters are chased through the maze. The sense of danger and desperation is palpable, heightening the emotional intensity.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue in the scene is minimal but effective in conveying the characters' fear and desperation. The limited dialogue adds to the atmosphere of suspense and terror.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its fast-paced action, suspenseful atmosphere, and the high stakes faced by the protagonist.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a balance of action and suspense to keep the audience engaged and on the edge of their seats.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and easy to follow, with concise descriptions and effective use of camera directions to enhance the visual storytelling.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a suspenseful horror sequence, building tension and escalating the danger faced by the protagonist.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension through the use of tracking shots and quick cuts, creating a sense of urgency as both Danny and Wendy are in peril. However, the transitions between Danny's escape in the maze and Wendy's frantic search could be more fluid to enhance the connection between their experiences.
  • The use of skeletons in the hotel adds a chilling visual element, but the scene could benefit from a clearer narrative purpose for their presence. As it stands, they feel somewhat disconnected from the immediate conflict, which may confuse the audience about their significance.
  • Jack's taunting laughter is a strong character moment that emphasizes his descent into madness, but it could be more impactful if it were juxtaposed with Danny's fear in a more direct way. The audience should feel the emotional weight of Danny's terror in contrast to Jack's insanity.
  • Wendy's scream is a powerful moment, but it could be more effective if it were accompanied by a visual or auditory cue that heightens the horror of the situation. For instance, a sudden silence following her scream could amplify the tension before the next cut.
  • The pacing of the scene is generally good, but some cuts feel abrupt, particularly when transitioning between the maze and the hotel. A more gradual transition could help maintain the suspense and keep the audience engaged.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment where Wendy's scream echoes through the hotel, creating a haunting atmosphere that lingers before cutting to the next scene. This could enhance the emotional impact of her fear.
  • Clarify the purpose of the skeletons in the hotel by incorporating a line of dialogue or a visual cue that connects them to the overarching themes of the story, such as the history of the hotel or the consequences of Jack's actions.
  • Enhance the emotional contrast between Danny and Jack by including a moment where Danny hears Jack's laughter and reacts with visible terror, perhaps freezing in place before continuing to escape. This would heighten the stakes and deepen the audience's investment in Danny's safety.
  • Experiment with the pacing of the cuts between Danny and Wendy to create a more cohesive flow. For example, you could intersperse their actions more frequently to emphasize the parallel nature of their struggles and build tension.
  • Consider using sound design to amplify the horror elements, such as the sound of Jack's footsteps or the eerie silence of the hotel, to create a more immersive experience for the audience.



Scene 59 - The Snowy Pursuit
EXT. HOTEL - MAZE - M.S.

DANNY sitting leaning against side of Maze. CAMERA TRACKS
R-L revealing JACK, holding axe, cam.R.b.g. He limps R-L
and moves away along Maze.

CUT TO:


M.S. DANNY's footprints in the snow - CAMERA TRACKS FORWARD
and stops when footprints end. CAMERA TILTS UP to snow
without footprints.

CUT TO:

M.C.S. JACK - he looks about then back and forwards - and
finally cam.R.

JACK
Danny!

He looks cam.L.

CUT TO:

M.C.S. DANNY crouched against side of Maze.

JACK (OFF)
Danny!

CUT TO:

M.S. JACK - he looks about then cam.L.

JACK
Danny!

CUT TO:

M.L.S. JACK limps L-R and exits cam.R.

CUT TO:

M.S. DANNY appears from behind mound of snow and moves
forward R-L.

CUT TO:

M.L.S. DANNY's P.O.V. Empty Maze.

CUT TO:

M.S. DANNY moves away R-L from mound of snow. CAMERA PANS
with him. He runs away along Maze.

CUT TO:

M.S. Footprints in snow in Maze. CAMERA TRACKS FORWARD
along footprints.

CUT TO:


M.L.S. JACK, back to camera, limping away along Maze.
CAMERA TRACKS after him.

CUT TO:

M.S. JACK limps forward along Maze. CAMERA TRACKS BACK
before him.

CUT TO:

M.S. CAMERA TRACKS FORWARD along Maze.

CUT TO:

M.S. DANNY runs forward along Maze. CAMERA TRACKS BACK.

CUT TO:

M.L.S. JACK moves to opening cam.R. CAMERA TRACKS FORWARD -
he turns and moves R-L to opening cam.L. CAMERA PANS with
him. He stops and turns - then moves L-R. CAMERA PANS with
him and TRACKS after him as he limps along MAZE.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Horror","Thriller"]

Summary In a tense snowy maze, Danny hides against a mound of snow while Jack, limping and wielding an axe, desperately searches for him. The scene builds suspense through alternating shots of their movements, highlighting Jack's frantic calls for Danny and Danny's stealthy evasion. As Jack continues his search, Danny eventually emerges and runs away, successfully eluding his pursuer. The scene captures the cat-and-mouse dynamic between the two characters, set against the backdrop of an isolated winter landscape.
Strengths
  • Effective tension-building
  • Strong atmosphere
  • Compelling chase sequence
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development
  • Minimal dialogue

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively creates a sense of fear and suspense through its setting, character dynamics, and escalating conflict. The tension is palpable, and the stakes are high, keeping the audience engaged.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a chase through a snowy maze, with a sense of isolation and impending danger, is compelling and effectively executed in the scene.

Plot: 8.5

The plot progression in the scene is crucial, as it sets up the climax of the film and intensifies the conflict between the characters. The chase sequence adds momentum to the narrative.

Originality: 8

The scene's setting and use of camera tracking add a fresh approach to the chase sequence trope. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and contribute to the tension of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters' actions and reactions in the scene are consistent with their established traits, adding depth to their motivations and relationships. Jack's menacing pursuit and Danny's fear are well-portrayed.

Character Changes: 8

While there is not significant character development in this scene, Danny's fear and Jack's menacing behavior showcase their evolving dynamics and motivations.

Internal Goal: 8

Danny's internal goal in this scene is to escape from Jack and the dangerous situation he is in. This reflects his deeper need for safety and survival.

External Goal: 7

Danny's external goal in this scene is to physically outrun Jack and find a way to safety. This reflects the immediate challenge he is facing in the maze.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is intense, with Jack's pursuit of Danny creating a sense of imminent danger and the stakes being raised as the chase unfolds.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Jack's pursuit creating a sense of danger and uncertainty for Danny, adding to the suspense of the chase.

High Stakes: 9

The high stakes in the scene, with Danny's life in danger and Jack's menacing pursuit, create a sense of urgency and danger that keeps the audience on edge.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward by escalating the conflict, raising the stakes, and setting up the climactic confrontation between the characters. It adds momentum to the narrative.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting camera perspectives and unexpected actions of the characters, keeping the audience guessing about the outcome.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

There is a philosophical conflict between survival and fear evident in this scene. Danny's actions reflect his belief in the importance of self-preservation, while Jack's pursuit challenges this belief.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene evokes a strong emotional response from the audience, with fear, anxiety, and dread being prominent throughout. The characters' perilous situation adds to the emotional impact.

Dialogue: 7.5

The limited dialogue in the scene is impactful, with Jack's repeated calls for Danny adding to the tension. The lack of extensive dialogue enhances the sense of isolation and danger.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its fast-paced action, suspenseful atmosphere, and visual storytelling that keeps the audience on the edge of their seats.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene effectively builds suspense and urgency, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the outcome of the chase.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 7

The formatting of the scene effectively conveys the visual elements and camera movements, enhancing the reader's understanding of the action.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a suspenseful chase sequence, with clear action beats and camera directions to build tension.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension by contrasting Danny's vulnerability with Jack's menacing pursuit. However, the pacing could be improved by varying the shot lengths and transitions to create a more dynamic rhythm, enhancing the sense of urgency.
  • The use of camera angles and tracking shots is commendable, as it visually represents the maze's complexity and Danny's fear. However, the scene could benefit from more close-ups on Danny's expressions to convey his emotional state more vividly, allowing the audience to connect with his fear.
  • The dialogue is minimal, which works well in creating a tense atmosphere. However, incorporating internal thoughts or a voiceover from Danny could deepen the emotional impact and provide insight into his fear and desperation.
  • The scene transitions between shots could be smoother. For instance, the cuts between Danny's perspective and Jack's could be more fluid to maintain the tension and avoid jarring shifts that might disrupt the viewer's immersion.
  • The visual storytelling is strong, but the scene could use more sensory details to enhance the atmosphere. Describing the cold, the sound of Jack's footsteps in the snow, or Danny's heavy breathing could heighten the tension and make the audience feel more present in the moment.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief internal monologue for Danny to express his fear and thoughts about Jack, which could enhance the emotional stakes of the scene.
  • Experiment with the pacing by varying the length of shots and transitions to create a more intense rhythm that reflects the urgency of the chase.
  • Incorporate more close-ups of Danny's face to capture his fear and determination, allowing the audience to empathize with his plight.
  • Enhance the sensory details in the scene by describing the cold air, the crunch of snow underfoot, and the sound of Jack's voice echoing in the maze, which could amplify the tension.
  • Consider using a longer tracking shot that follows Danny as he runs, allowing the audience to feel the weight of his escape and the looming threat of Jack.



Scene 60 - Desperate Escape
EXT. HOTEL - M.L.S.

WENDY sobbing and holding knife runs away to HALLORAN's
Snowcat in b.g. CAMERA TRACKS FORWARD after her. She stops
by Snowcat and looks about.

CUT TO:

EXT. HOTEL - MAZE - M.S.

DANNY runs forward in Maze. CAMERA TRACKS BACK. DANNY
looks over his shoulder and falls down in snow at entrance.

CUT TO:

EXT. HOTEL - M.S.

WENDY standing by HALLORAN's Snowcat. She throws down knife.

WENDY
Danny! Danny!

She runs forward and out cam.R.f.g.

CUT TO:

M.L.S. DANNY lying on snow at entrance to Maze. He gets up
and runs R-L. CAMERA PANS with him.


DANNY
Mommy...

WENDY (OFF)
Danny, come here!

DANNY
Mommy... Mommy...!

WENDY (OFF)
Danny!

DANNY runs R-L into WENDY's arms as she kneels on snow.

DANNY
Mommy!

WENDY
Oh!

WENDY hugs and kisses DANNY.

WENDY
Oh Danny!

CUT TO:

EXT. HOTEL - MAZE - M.S.

JACK holding axe limps forward - CAMERA TRACKS BACK.

JACK
Danny! Where...

JACK GROANS.

CUT TO:

EXT. HOTEL - M.L.S.

WENDY holding DANNY moves R-L to HALLORAN's Snowcat. CAMERA
PANS with them. WENDY opens door of Snowcat and lifts DANNY
up to cab.

CUT TO:

EXT. HOTEL - MAZE - M.L.S.

JACK GROANING staggers away along Maze - CAMERA TRACKS after
him.

JACK
Danny!


He stumbles and lies in snow. He struggles up to his feet.

CUT TO:

EXT. HOTEL - L.S.

Snowcat with lights on moves R-L in front of Hotel, then
turns to cam.R. JACK SHOUTS INAUDIBLE OFF.

CUT TO:

EXT. HOTEL - MAZE - M.S.

JACK staggers forward. CAMERA TRACKS BACK - INDISTINCT
SHOUTS. He GROANS as he moves forward R-L.

CUT TO:

EXT. HOTEL - L.S.

Snowcat drives away down road. JACK INAUDIBLE SHOUTS OFF.

CUT TO:

EXT. HOTEL - MAZE - M.S.

JACK staggers forward along Maze. CAMERA TRACKS BACK -
INDISTINCT MOANS & GROANS.

CUT TO:

M.L.S. JACK staggers away along Maze. CAMERA TRACKS after
him. INDISTINCT MOANS. He slumps down cam.L against side
of Maze.

CUT TO:

EXT. HOTEL - MAZE - DAY - M.C.S.

JACK sitting up to his chest in snow dead. Snow and icicles
on his face.

CUT TO:

INT. HOTEL - GOLD BALLROOM - M.L.S.

Entrance to Gold Ballroom - CAMERA TRACKS FORWARD through
entrance to photographs on wall. CAMERA TRACKS IN close on
photograph of Guests at Ball.

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M.S. Photograph of Guests at Ball.

DISSOLVE TO:

M.C.S. Photograph of YOUNG MAN in dinner jacket. CAMERA
TILTS DOWN TO:

OVERLOOK HOTEL
JULY 4th BALL
1921

FADE OUT.

BLACK FRAMES.
Genres: ["Horror","Thriller"]

Summary In a tense and desperate scene outside the Overlook Hotel, Wendy frantically searches for her son Danny while holding a knife. Danny, scared, runs through a snowy maze but eventually finds his way into Wendy's arms. Meanwhile, Jack, wielding an axe and in a deteriorated state, searches for Danny but succumbs to the cold and his injuries. Wendy and Danny escape in a Snowcat, leaving Jack behind, who ultimately collapses in the snow. The scene concludes with a haunting shot of Jack dead in the snow, transitioning to photographs from a past event at the hotel.
Strengths
  • Intense tension
  • Eerie atmosphere
  • High emotional impact
  • Strong character dynamics
  • Suspenseful chase sequence
Weaknesses
  • Limited dialogue
  • Minimal character development in the scene

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene is highly effective in building tension, suspense, and fear through its setting, character dynamics, and the imminent danger faced by Wendy and Danny. The snowy maze adds a unique and chilling element to the scene, enhancing the overall impact.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of a desperate pursuit in a snowy maze is compelling and effectively executed in the scene. It creates a sense of claustrophobia, danger, and urgency, driving the narrative forward and heightening the suspense.

Plot: 9

The plot of the scene revolves around Wendy and Danny's attempt to escape from Jack in the snowy maze, adding a crucial element of danger and suspense to the overall story. The scene advances the narrative by showcasing the characters' struggle for survival.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the familiar horror genre by focusing on the emotional journey of the characters rather than relying solely on scares. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds depth to the story.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Wendy, Danny, and Jack are well-developed in the scene, with each displaying their unique traits and motivations. Wendy's protective instincts, Danny's fear, and Jack's menacing presence contribute to the escalating tension and emotional impact of the chase sequence.

Character Changes: 8

While there are no significant character changes in the scene, Wendy and Danny's bond is strengthened through their shared struggle and survival instinct. Their actions and reactions in the face of danger showcase their resilience and determination to protect each other.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to protect her son and ensure his safety. This reflects her deep love and maternal instincts, as well as her fear of losing him.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to escape the hotel and find help. This reflects the immediate challenge of surviving in a dangerous situation.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is intense and palpable, as Wendy and Danny are pursued by Jack in the snowy maze. The physical danger, emotional turmoil, and high stakes create a gripping conflict that drives the narrative forward and keeps the audience on edge.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the characters facing physical and emotional obstacles that challenge their survival.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in the scene, as Wendy and Danny's lives are in imminent danger from Jack's pursuit in the snowy maze. The life-threatening situation, the characters' desperate attempts to escape, and the intense chase sequence raise the stakes to a critical level.

Story Forward: 9

The scene effectively moves the story forward by escalating the danger, raising the stakes, and showcasing the characters' fight for survival. The chase sequence in the snowy maze adds a crucial turning point to the narrative, setting the stage for the climax of the story.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because the characters' fates are uncertain, and the outcome is not immediately clear.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

There is a philosophical conflict between the protagonist's desire to protect her son at all costs and the antagonist's descent into madness and violence. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs in the face of extreme circumstances.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking fear, anxiety, and desperation in the audience as they witness Wendy and Danny's harrowing escape from Jack in the snowy maze. The characters' emotional turmoil and the intense chase sequence heighten the emotional engagement of the scene.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene is minimal but impactful, conveying the characters' fear, desperation, and urgency effectively. The limited dialogue enhances the tension and suspense of the chase sequence, focusing more on the characters' actions and reactions.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it keeps the audience on the edge of their seats with its intense action and emotional stakes.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining a sense of urgency and suspense throughout.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene headings and concise action descriptions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a suspenseful horror film, building tension through a series of escalating events and character interactions.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension through the contrasting perspectives of Wendy and Jack, highlighting their desperation and fear. However, the pacing could be improved by tightening the transitions between cuts to maintain a more consistent rhythm and heighten suspense.
  • The dialogue is minimal, which works well in creating a sense of urgency. However, adding a few more emotional beats or internal thoughts could deepen the audience's connection to the characters, particularly Wendy's emotional state as she searches for Danny.
  • The visual descriptions are strong, but the scene could benefit from more specific imagery to enhance the atmosphere. For example, describing the snow's texture or the cold air could evoke a stronger sensory experience for the audience.
  • The use of cuts to Jack's perspective is effective in showing his physical struggle, but it may be beneficial to include more of his internal conflict or thoughts to create a more rounded character arc. This would help the audience understand his motivations and emotional state as he pursues Danny.
  • The ending of the scene, where Jack is found dead in the snow, is impactful but could be foreshadowed earlier in the scene. Subtle hints of Jack's deteriorating state could enhance the emotional weight of his demise and create a more cohesive narrative.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief internal monologue for Wendy as she searches for Danny, reflecting her fears and determination. This could enhance the emotional stakes of the scene.
  • Incorporate more sensory details to immerse the audience in the environment, such as the biting cold or the sound of crunching snow underfoot.
  • Experiment with the pacing of the cuts to create a more dynamic rhythm, perhaps by interspersing longer shots of Wendy's frantic search with quicker cuts to Jack's struggle.
  • Introduce subtle foreshadowing of Jack's fate earlier in the scene, such as visual cues or dialogue that hint at his physical decline, to create a stronger narrative thread.
  • Consider using sound design to amplify the tension, such as the echo of Jack's groans or the silence of the maze, to enhance the atmosphere and emotional impact.



Characters in the screenplay, and their arcs:

jack torrance

Jack Torrance is a complex character who begins as a polite and professional former schoolteacher turned aspiring writer. He is eager to make a good impression and respectful in his interactions, maintaining a calm demeanor that hints at underlying complexities and potential darkness. As the story progresses, Jack's curiosity about the dark history of the Overlook Hotel reveals his fascination with solitude and peace, but also exposes his internal conflicts. His speaking style evolves from formal and polite to direct and composed, reflecting his growing frustration and isolation. Jack becomes increasingly consumed by his work, leading to sharp and confrontational dialogue that showcases his deteriorating mental state. His character is marked by a sense of unease and paranoia, driven by a desire for success and a need to protect his family, yet threatened by his inner demons and supernatural forces. Ultimately, Jack's speaking style becomes tense and cryptic, often laced with dark humor and veiled threats, adding to the foreboding atmosphere surrounding him. He is portrayed as resourceful and determined, yet manipulative and cunning, revealing a willingness to go to extreme lengths to achieve his goals.



danny

<ul><li>Danny is a young, imaginative boy who possesses a unique sensitivity to his surroundings and the supernatural forces at play. He has a close relationship with his imaginary friend, Tony, who serves as both a confidant and a manifestation of his fears and uncertainties. Danny's personality is characterized by curiosity, playfulness, and vulnerability, as he navigates the complexities of his family dynamics and the eerie environment of the hotel. His interactions with Tony reveal deeper emotional layers, hinting at potential psychological complexities and trauma. Danny's speaking style is innocent and introspective, often reflecting his childlike wonder and fear. He expresses his thoughts and feelings openly, using simple and direct language, with phrases like 'Yeah' and 'Chocolate' to convey his preferences. As the story progresses, Danny's vulnerability becomes more pronounced, especially in the face of supernatural threats, leading to moments of fear and desperation. His character embodies a blend of innocence and resilience, showcasing his growth as he confronts the dangers surrounding him.</li><li>Danny speaks in a childlike, enthusiastic tone, often expressing his thoughts and feelings openly. His style is characterized by innocence and curiosity, with moments of hesitation and fear as he grapples with the supernatural elements around him.</li></ul>



wendy

<ul><li>Wendy is a deeply caring and protective mother, characterized by her nurturing instincts and unwavering determination to ensure the safety and well-being of her son, Danny. Throughout the screenplay, she exhibits a range of emotions, from warmth and optimism to fear and desperation, as she navigates the challenges posed by their new environment in the hotel. Wendy's personality is marked by her curiosity about the hotel's history and surroundings, which reflects her inquisitive nature. She is supportive and understanding, often trying to reassure Danny while grappling with her own doubts and fears. As the story progresses, Wendy's protective instincts become more pronounced, especially as she confronts the escalating dangers posed by her husband, Jack. Her speaking style is warm and comforting, often laced with moments of vulnerability and urgency, showcasing her emotional depth. She uses phrases that express concern and encouragement, such as 'We'll be fine' and 'Danny, come here!', which highlight her maternal instincts and her desire to maintain a sense of safety for her family.</li><li>Wendy's speaking style evolves from warm and nurturing to urgent and emotional as the stakes rise. Initially, she speaks with a gentle and reassuring tone, but as the tension escalates, her dialogue becomes more anxious and desperate, reflecting her growing fear for her family's safety.</li></ul>



jack

<ul><li>Jack is a complex and multifaceted character, initially portrayed as an aspiring writer and a loving father, eager for the solitude and inspiration that the hotel offers. He exhibits a blend of confidence and curiosity, showing a keen interest in the hotel's dark history while also expressing a desire for peace and solitude. As the story progresses, Jack's personality reveals deeper layers of inner turmoil, vulnerability, and a struggle with his darker impulses. His demeanor shifts from warm and caring to tense and defensive, reflecting his escalating instability and descent into madness. Jack's speaking style evolves from measured and thoughtful to aggressive and menacing, showcasing his transformation from a protective father to a threatening antagonist. His dialogue often includes sharp retorts and confrontational tones, revealing his internal conflicts and the external pressures he faces, ultimately leading to a chilling and violent climax.</li><li>Jack's speaking style transitions from confident and assertive to tense and aggressive. Initially, he communicates with curiosity and warmth, but as his mental state deteriorates, his dialogue becomes confrontational, manipulative, and filled with threats, reflecting his descent into madness.</li></ul>



wendy torrance

Wendy Torrance is a multifaceted character who embodies warmth, resilience, and determination throughout the screenplay. Initially, she is portrayed as a caring mother, reassuring her son Danny about their upcoming move to the hotel, expressing her concerns about their family dynamics and Danny's well-being. Her speaking style is warm and comforting, infused with a hint of worry and uncertainty. As the story progresses, Wendy's admiration for the grandeur of the hotel emerges, showcasing her enthusiasm and curiosity about their new surroundings. Despite her supportive nature towards her husband Jack, she grapples with his increasing emotional distance, striving to maintain their relationship through understanding and compassion. Wendy's playful and nurturing personality shines through in her interactions with Danny, highlighting the strong bond they share. However, as the narrative unfolds, she faces overwhelming challenges that test her resilience. Her dialogue becomes infused with urgency and emotion, reflecting her deep concern for her family's safety and well-being. Ultimately, Wendy's character is a blend of strength and vulnerability, showcasing her evolution from a supportive wife and mother to a fierce protector of her family.



halloran

<ul><li>Halloran is a multifaceted character who embodies warmth, friendliness, and a deep understanding of the supernatural. Initially portrayed as playful and engaging, he forms a bond with Danny, showcasing his jovial personality through lighthearted banter and genuine interest in others. As the story progresses, Halloran reveals his knowledge of the hotel's operations and psychic abilities, speaking in a calm and cryptic tone that hints at deeper truths. His character evolves from a friendly guide to a more isolated and concerned figure, reflecting the foreboding atmosphere surrounding the hotel. Despite facing adversity, Halloran demonstrates resilience and determination, taking urgent actions to help the stranded family. Ultimately, he becomes a victim of Jack's violence, underscoring the stakes and danger present in the narrative.</li><li>Halloran's speaking style is characterized by a friendly and jovial tone, engaging warmly with Danny and others. He uses casual language peppered with humor, such as 'Do you like ice cream, Doc?' and 'Chocolate it shall be,' to create a welcoming atmosphere. As the story unfolds, his tone shifts to a more measured and contemplative style, reflecting his internal thoughts and concerns about the supernatural forces at play.</li></ul>



CharacterArcCritiqueSuggestions
jack torrance Jack Torrance's character arc follows his transformation from a hopeful and ambitious writer seeking a fresh start to a deeply troubled individual consumed by his inner demons and the malevolent influence of the Overlook Hotel. Initially, Jack is portrayed as a respectful and professional man eager to make a good impression, but as he becomes increasingly isolated and frustrated, his mental state deteriorates. His obsession with writing and the hotel's dark history leads him to confront his own fears and insecurities, ultimately resulting in a violent breakdown. By the end of the screenplay, Jack's descent into madness culminates in a tragic confrontation with his family, showcasing the destructive power of his unresolved issues and the supernatural forces at play. While Jack Torrance's character arc effectively captures the descent into madness and the struggle with inner demons, it could benefit from deeper exploration of his motivations and relationships. The transition from a sympathetic character to an antagonist feels abrupt at times, which may leave the audience struggling to fully understand his transformation. Additionally, the portrayal of his relationship with Wendy and Danny could be more nuanced to enhance the emotional stakes of his descent. To improve Jack's character arc, consider incorporating more flashbacks or moments of reflection that reveal his past struggles and the root of his frustrations. This could help the audience empathize with his character before his descent into madness. Additionally, enhancing the dynamics of his relationships with Wendy and Danny throughout the screenplay can create a more compelling emotional conflict. Showcasing moments of vulnerability and connection with his family could heighten the tragedy of his eventual breakdown, making his transformation more impactful.
danny
  • Danny is introduced as a curious and imaginative child, exploring the hotel with a sense of wonder while relying on his imaginary friend, Tony, to navigate his fears about the move and his family's tensions.
  • As the story unfolds, Danny's psychic abilities become more pronounced, leading him to experience cryptic visions and unsettling encounters with supernatural forces. His relationship with Tony evolves, revealing deeper emotional layers and the impact of his family's struggles on his psyche.
  • In the climax, Danny faces the ultimate test of his resilience and bravery as he navigates the snowy maze while being pursued by his father, Jack. This moment highlights his vulnerability but also showcases his resourcefulness and determination to survive.
  • By the end of the story, Danny emerges as a more resilient character, having confronted his fears and the dangers of the hotel. His experiences lead to a deeper understanding of his own strength and the importance of seeking love and reassurance from his mother, Wendy.
Danny's character arc effectively captures the journey of a young boy grappling with fear and the supernatural. However, the arc could benefit from more explicit moments of growth and agency. While his vulnerability is well portrayed, there are instances where he could take more active steps to confront his fears rather than solely reacting to the situations around him. This would enhance his character development and make his eventual triumph feel more earned. To improve Danny's character arc, consider incorporating scenes where he actively seeks to understand his psychic abilities or confronts the supernatural elements directly, rather than relying solely on Tony or reacting to external threats. Additionally, moments of bonding with his mother, Wendy, could be expanded to showcase their relationship's strength and provide Danny with a clearer emotional anchor. This would not only deepen his character but also emphasize the theme of familial love and support in overcoming adversity.
wendy
  • Wendy is introduced as a caring and optimistic mother, supportive of her family's move to the hotel, while also harboring her own fears and doubts.
  • As the story unfolds, Wendy's protective nature becomes more pronounced. She confronts the unsettling behavior of her son and the increasingly erratic actions of her husband, Jack. Her character transitions from a nurturing figure to a fierce protector, showcasing her resilience and resourcefulness in the face of danger.
  • In the climax, Wendy's determination peaks as she confronts Jack's violent tendencies. She transforms from a fearful victim into a strong survivor, willing to fight for her son's safety.
  • By the end of the screenplay, Wendy emerges as a resilient and empowered character, having faced her fears and taken decisive action to protect her family. Her journey reflects her growth from vulnerability to strength, solidifying her role as a fierce protector.
Wendy's character arc is compelling, showcasing her evolution from a nurturing mother to a fierce protector. However, the transition could benefit from more gradual development, allowing for deeper exploration of her internal struggles and fears. While her protective instincts are well-established, the screenplay could further emphasize her emotional journey, highlighting moments of doubt and vulnerability that lead to her ultimate transformation. To improve Wendy's character arc, consider incorporating more scenes that delve into her internal conflicts and fears, particularly in relation to Jack's behavior and the hotel's unsettling atmosphere. Adding moments of reflection or dialogue with other characters could provide insight into her emotional state and motivations. Additionally, showcasing her resourcefulness in smaller, everyday situations could build her character's strength gradually, making her eventual transformation more impactful. Finally, including a moment of triumph or realization that reinforces her growth could enhance the emotional resonance of her arc.
jack
  • Jack is introduced as an eager and confident winter caretaker at the hotel, excited about the solitude it offers for his writing.
  • As he delves deeper into the hotel's history, Jack's fascination turns into obsession, revealing his inner demons and vulnerabilities. His relationship with his family begins to strain as he grapples with feelings of inadequacy and resentment.
  • Jack's descent into madness culminates in violent confrontations with his family, showcasing his transformation into a menacing figure driven by desperation and a desire for control.
  • In the end, Jack's internal struggles lead to his ultimate downfall, as he becomes a tragic antagonist, consumed by the very darkness he sought to explore.
Jack's character arc effectively captures the transformation from a hopeful writer to a menacing antagonist. However, the transition could benefit from more gradual development, allowing the audience to witness the subtle shifts in his personality and relationships. The motivations behind his descent into madness could be explored further, providing a deeper understanding of his internal conflicts and making his eventual breakdown more impactful. To improve Jack's character arc, consider incorporating more scenes that highlight his internal struggles and the impact of the hotel's supernatural elements on his psyche. Adding moments of reflection or dialogue that reveal his fears and insecurities could create a stronger emotional connection with the audience. Additionally, showcasing his interactions with Wendy and Danny in a more nuanced way could enhance the tension and stakes, making his eventual transformation more tragic and compelling.
wendy torrance Wendy Torrance's character arc begins with her as a nurturing and supportive figure, primarily focused on her family's well-being and the excitement of their new life at the hotel. As the story progresses, she becomes increasingly aware of the dangers posed by the hotel's supernatural elements and her husband's deteriorating mental state. This awareness forces her to confront her fears and insecurities, leading to a transformation where she evolves from a passive character into an active protector. By the climax, Wendy's resilience is fully realized as she fights to save her son and herself from Jack's violent descent into madness. In the end, she emerges as a strong, independent woman who prioritizes her family's safety above all else, showcasing her growth from a worried mother to a fierce warrior. Wendy's character arc is compelling, but it could benefit from deeper exploration of her internal struggles and motivations. While her transformation into a protective figure is clear, the screenplay could delve more into her backstory and the emotional toll of her relationship with Jack. This would provide a richer context for her actions and decisions, making her character more relatable and complex. Additionally, her moments of vulnerability could be highlighted further to create a stronger emotional connection with the audience. To improve Wendy's character arc, consider incorporating flashbacks or dialogue that reveals her past experiences and how they shape her responses to the challenges she faces in the hotel. This could include her relationship with her own parents, previous struggles with Jack, or moments that highlight her resilience. Additionally, adding scenes that showcase her moments of doubt or fear could enhance her character depth, allowing the audience to empathize with her journey. Finally, ensure that her transformation is not only about becoming a protector but also about reclaiming her identity and agency, emphasizing her growth as an individual beyond her roles as a mother and wife.
halloran
  • Halloran is introduced as a friendly and approachable character who connects with Danny and showcases the hotel's supplies.
  • As the narrative progresses, Halloran's character deepens, revealing his knowledge of psychic abilities and the supernatural. He becomes increasingly isolated and concerned about the dangers posed by the hotel's environment and Jack's violent tendencies.
  • In a pivotal moment, Halloran takes urgent action to help the stranded family, showcasing his resourcefulness and determination in the face of adversity.
  • Ultimately, Halloran becomes a victim of Jack's violence, highlighting the stakes of the narrative and the threat posed by Jack, while also serving as a catalyst for the family's realization of the dangers they face.
While Halloran's character arc is compelling, it could benefit from more depth in his backstory and motivations. His transition from a friendly guide to a victim of violence feels abrupt, and the emotional weight of his character's journey could be enhanced by exploring his past experiences with the supernatural and how they shape his actions in the present. Additionally, his psychic abilities could be more intricately woven into the plot, providing him with a more active role in the story's resolution. To improve Halloran's character arc, consider incorporating flashbacks or dialogue that reveals his past encounters with the supernatural, which would add depth to his character and motivations. Additionally, allow Halloran to play a more active role in confronting the dangers posed by Jack, perhaps by using his psychic abilities to warn the family or devise a plan to escape. This would not only enhance his character's agency but also create a more impactful climax and resolution for the story.
Top Correlations and patterns found in the scenes:

Pattern Explanation
High Emotional Impact and TensionScenes with high emotional impact (scores of 9 or 10) consistently correlate with high tension levels. For instance, scenes 25, 44, and 52 exhibit both high emotional scores and tension, suggesting that the author effectively builds emotional stakes through tension.
Dialogue Quality and Character DevelopmentScenes that score high in dialogue quality (8 or above) often coincide with significant character changes. For example, scenes 16 and 25 not only have high dialogue scores but also show notable character development, indicating that strong dialogue contributes to character arcs.
Suspense and Conflict RelationshipThere is a strong correlation between suspenseful tones and conflict scores. Scenes like 3, 5, and 23, which are marked as highly suspenseful, also have high conflict scores, suggesting that the author effectively intertwines suspense with conflict to drive the narrative.
Tone Consistency Across High-Scoring ScenesScenes that maintain a consistent tone (e.g., tense, suspenseful) tend to score higher overall. For instance, scenes 36, 49, and 50 maintain a tense tone throughout and achieve high overall grades, indicating that consistency in tone enhances the screenplay's effectiveness.
Informative Scenes and Emotional EngagementInformative scenes (scores of 8 or above) often have lower emotional impact scores. For example, scenes 14 and 11 are informative but lack emotional depth, suggesting that while informative content is valuable, it may detract from emotional engagement if not balanced.
Character Changes and Emotional ImpactScenes that feature significant character changes tend to have higher emotional impact scores. For instance, scenes 16 and 25 show character evolution and also score high in emotional impact, indicating that character development resonates emotionally with the audience.
Conflict and Story ProgressionScenes that effectively move the story forward also tend to have higher conflict scores. For example, scenes 20 and 43, which are pivotal in advancing the plot, also exhibit high conflict levels, suggesting that conflict is a key driver of narrative progression.
Tone Variation and Scene GradesScenes with varied tones (e.g., shifting from tense to playful) tend to receive lower overall grades. For instance, scene 18, which mixes tones, scores lower than consistently tense scenes, indicating that tonal shifts may disrupt narrative flow.


Writer's Craft Overall Analysis

The screenplay demonstrates a strong command of tension-building, character dynamics, and atmospheric storytelling. The writer effectively utilizes dialogue and visual descriptions to create suspense and engage the audience. However, there are opportunities for improvement in areas such as character depth, pacing, and the subtlety of dialogue. Overall, the writer shows promise in crafting compelling narratives but would benefit from refining certain techniques to enhance the emotional and psychological impact of their scenes.

Key Improvement Areas

Dialogue
While the dialogue is often engaging, there are instances where it could be more nuanced to convey deeper character motivations and conflicts. Several analyses suggest a need for more subtlety in character interactions.
Character Development
The characters are generally well-defined, but there is room for deeper exploration of their emotional complexities and relationships. Strengthening character arcs will enhance the overall narrative.
Pacing
Some scenes could benefit from improved pacing to maintain tension and engagement. A more varied rhythm can help emphasize critical moments and build suspense effectively.

Suggestions

Type Suggestion Rationale
Book 'The Anatomy of Story' by John Truby This book provides insights into character development and story structure, which can help the writer enhance their narrative craft and deepen character arcs.
Screenplay 'The Social Network' screenplay by Aaron Sorkin This screenplay exemplifies strong dialogue and character-driven storytelling, offering a model for crafting engaging and dynamic interactions.
Video Watch 'The Making of The Shining' documentary This documentary provides behind-the-scenes insights into the filmmaking process, which can inspire the writer's approach to visual storytelling and atmosphere.
Exercise Write a scene focusing solely on subtext in dialogue, where characters have conflicting motivations but do not explicitly state them.Practice In SceneProv This exercise will help the writer practice conveying deeper emotional layers and tensions through dialogue, enhancing character interactions.
Exercise Create character profiles that explore backstory, motivations, and relationships to deepen character development.Practice In SceneProv Understanding characters on a deeper level will allow the writer to create more authentic and relatable interactions in their scenes.
Exercise Practice writing scenes with varied pacing, alternating between fast-paced action and slower, introspective moments.Practice In SceneProv This will help the writer learn how to manipulate pacing effectively to build tension and maintain audience engagement.
Stories Similar to this one

Story Explanation
The Shining (1980) This is the original film adaptation of Stephen King's novel, featuring Jack Torrance as a winter caretaker at the haunted Overlook Hotel. The themes of isolation, psychological horror, and the disintegration of family dynamics are central to both the screenplay and the film.
Misery (1990) Based on another Stephen King novel, 'Misery' explores themes of isolation and psychological torment. The protagonist, a writer, is held captive by an obsessed fan, paralleling Jack's descent into madness and the impact of isolation on his psyche.
The Haunting of Hill House (2018) This Netflix series delves into family trauma and the psychological effects of living in a haunted house. Similar to the screenplay, it explores how isolation and past traumas manifest in supernatural ways, affecting family relationships.
The Others (2001) This film features a mother and her children living in a secluded house, dealing with supernatural occurrences. The themes of isolation, fear, and the psychological unraveling of the characters resonate with the screenplay's focus on the Torrance family's experiences at the Overlook Hotel.
The Sixth Sense (1999) This film involves a young boy who sees dead people and a troubled adult trying to help him. The psychological tension and the exploration of childhood fears, as well as the impact of trauma on family dynamics, are similar to Danny's experiences in the screenplay.
The Witch (2015) Set in a remote location, this film explores themes of paranoia, family disintegration, and supernatural horror. The isolation of the family and the psychological breakdown of its members parallel the Torrance family's experiences in the screenplay.
Hereditary (2018) This horror film examines family trauma and the psychological effects of grief and loss. The themes of isolation and the unraveling of family relationships under supernatural influences are similar to those in the screenplay.
The Babadook (2014) This film focuses on a mother and her son dealing with grief and a supernatural entity. The psychological horror stemming from isolation and the impact of trauma on family dynamics resonate with the screenplay's themes.
The Shining (novel by Stephen King) The original novel provides deeper insights into the characters' psyches and the history of the Overlook Hotel, paralleling the screenplay's exploration of Jack's descent into madness and the family's struggles with isolation.

Here are different Tropes found in the screenplay

Trope Trope Details Trope Explanation
Isolation HorrorThe Torrance family becomes isolated in the Overlook Hotel during the winter, leading to psychological breakdowns and horror.Isolation horror is a common trope where characters are cut off from the outside world, leading to heightened tension and fear. An example is 'The Thing,' where a group of researchers in Antarctica faces a deadly alien while being cut off from civilization.
Imaginary FriendDanny converses with his imaginary friend, Tony, who warns him about dangers.The imaginary friend trope often serves as a conduit for a character's fears or insights. In 'The Sixth Sense,' the protagonist sees dead people, which reflects his inner turmoil.
The Haunted HotelThe Overlook Hotel has a dark history and supernatural elements that affect the characters.The haunted hotel trope involves a location with a sinister past that influences the present. '1408' features a haunted hotel room that drives its occupants to madness.
Family Under ThreatWendy and Danny are threatened by Jack's descent into madness.This trope involves a family unit facing external or internal threats, often leading to dramatic tension. 'The Incredibles' features a family that must unite against a common enemy.
Madness Induced by IsolationJack's mental state deteriorates due to the isolation of the hotel.This trope explores how isolation can lead to madness, as seen in 'A Beautiful Mind,' where the protagonist struggles with schizophrenia exacerbated by isolation.
The Unreliable NarratorJack's perspective becomes increasingly distorted, leading to confusion about reality.An unreliable narrator presents a skewed version of events, creating tension and uncertainty. 'Fight Club' uses this trope effectively to reveal the protagonist's fractured psyche.
The Final GirlWendy ultimately becomes the survivor who confronts Jack.The final girl trope features a female character who survives the horror and often confronts the antagonist. 'Halloween' features Laurie Strode as the final girl who faces Michael Myers.
Blood is Thicker than WaterJack's relationship with his family deteriorates, leading to violence.This trope suggests that familial bonds are strong, but in this case, they are twisted. 'The Godfather' explores the complexities of family loyalty and betrayal.
The Descent into MadnessJack's gradual transformation from a loving father to a violent threat.This trope illustrates a character's gradual loss of sanity, often leading to tragic outcomes. 'Black Swan' showcases a dancer's descent into madness due to pressure and obsession.


Theme Theme Details Themee Explanation
Isolation and MadnessJack's psychological breakdown is exacerbated by the isolation of the Overlook Hotel during winter.This theme explores how isolation can lead to madness, as Jack becomes increasingly unstable and violent, influenced by the hotel's supernatural elements.
Strengthening Isolation and Madness:
Suggestion Type How to Strengthen the Theme
Family DynamicsThe interactions between Jack, Wendy, and Danny reveal tensions and vulnerabilities within their family structure.This theme examines the complexities of family relationships, particularly how external pressures can strain bonds and lead to conflict.
Supernatural InfluenceThe Overlook Hotel's haunting presence affects Jack and Danny, particularly through Danny's psychic abilities.This theme highlights the impact of supernatural forces on the characters, suggesting that the hotel itself plays a role in Jack's descent into violence.
Control and Power StrugglesJack's need for control over his family and his writing leads to conflict with Wendy and Danny.This theme explores the dynamics of power within the family, particularly how Jack's desire for dominance leads to violence and fear.
Childhood Innocence and TraumaDanny's experiences with his imaginary friend Tony and the horrors he witnesses reflect the loss of innocence.This theme addresses the impact of trauma on children, particularly how Danny's psychic abilities expose him to dangers beyond his understanding.



Screenwriting Resources on Themes

Articles

Site Description
Studio Binder Movie Themes: Examples of Common Themes for Screenwriters
Coverfly Improving your Screenplay's theme
John August Writing from Theme

YouTube Videos

Title Description
Story, Plot, Genre, Theme - Screenwriting Basics Screenwriting basics - beginner video
What is theme Discussion on ways to layer theme into a screenplay.
Thematic Mistakes You're Making in Your Script Common Theme mistakes and Philosophical Conflicts
Voice Analysis
Summary: The writer's voice is characterized by a blend of concise and naturalistic dialogue, detailed scene descriptions, and a focus on character dynamics that create a palpable sense of tension and atmosphere. The dialogue often reflects the characters' inner thoughts and emotions, while the narrative builds suspense and intrigue, effectively immersing the audience in the psychological complexities of the story.
Voice Contribution The writer's voice contributes to the script by enhancing the overall mood of suspense and unease, allowing the audience to connect deeply with the characters' struggles and fears. The realistic dialogue and evocative descriptions create an intimate atmosphere that underscores the themes of isolation, familial tension, and the supernatural, adding depth to the narrative and heightening emotional stakes.
Best Representation Scene 7 - Journey to the Overlook
Best Scene Explanation This scene is the best representation because it encapsulates the writer's ability to blend naturalistic dialogue with underlying tension, effectively showcasing the family's dynamics while foreshadowing the darker elements of the narrative. The subtle hints of unease and the interplay of character interactions highlight the writer's skill in creating a suspenseful atmosphere.
Originality
  • Overall originality score: 8.5
  • Overall originality explanation: The screenplay demonstrates a high level of originality through its innovative blending of horror and psychological themes, particularly in the exploration of family dynamics and the impact of isolation. The use of familiar tropes, such as the haunted hotel and the supernatural, is approached with fresh perspectives, particularly through character interactions and the emotional depth of the narrative. The incorporation of unique elements, such as Danny's imaginary friend and the psychological struggles of the characters, adds layers of complexity that enhance the originality of the screenplay.
  • Most unique situations: The most unique situations in the screenplay are the portrayal of Danny's interactions with his imaginary friend Tony, the chilling depiction of the haunted hotel through psychological horror rather than traditional scares, and the exploration of Jack's descent into madness juxtaposed with Wendy's protective instincts as a mother. Additionally, the use of the hedge maze as both a physical and psychological battleground adds a distinctive twist to the narrative.
  • Overall unpredictability score: 7.5
  • Overall unpredictability explanation: The screenplay maintains a moderate level of unpredictability, particularly through its character arcs and the escalating tension between Jack and Wendy. While certain horror tropes are present, the screenplay subverts expectations by focusing on the psychological deterioration of Jack and the emotional turmoil of Wendy, leading to unexpected confrontations and resolutions. The use of supernatural elements, such as Danny's visions and the eerie occurrences within the hotel, contributes to an atmosphere of suspense that keeps the audience guessing about the characters' fates.
Goals and Philosophical Conflict
internal GoalsThe protagonist's internal goals evolve from seeking stability and acceptance in a new job to grappling with fears surrounding his family dynamics, personal failures, and psychological turmoil. Jack's initial desire for a fresh start devolves into a struggle against his own demons, ultimately leading to a terrifying confrontation with his family.
External Goals The protagonist's external goals shift from securing a job at the hotel and making a good impression to desperately protecting his family from the dangers that arise as Jack's mental state deteriorates. His goal transitions into an urgent struggle for survival against Jack's violent outburst.
Philosophical Conflict The overarching philosophical conflict centers around the struggle between sanity and madness. Jack's journey represents the internal battle of ambition versus vulnerability, ultimately collapsing under the weight of his unresolved traumas, while Wendy embodies maternal instinct striving for protection amidst chaos.


Character Development Contribution: The evolving goals and conflict highlight Jack's descent into madness and Wendy's protective instincts, ultimately shaping their character arcs from ordinary family dynamics to a harrowing struggle for survival.

Narrative Structure Contribution: These elements drive the plot forward, creating escalating tension as Jack's behavior becomes increasingly erratic, leading to a climactic confrontation. The evolution highlights the stakes involved for each character.

Thematic Depth Contribution: The interplay of internal and external goals, alongside philosophical conflicts, weaves a narrative that explores themes of familial breakdown, the nature of evil, and the psychological impacts of isolation, adding richness to the story's commentary on human fragility.


Screenwriting Resources on Goals and Philosophical Conflict

Articles

Site Description
Creative Screenwriting How Important Is A Character’s Goal?
Studio Binder What is Conflict in a Story? A Quick Reminder of the Purpose of Conflict

YouTube Videos

Title Description
How I Build a Story's Philosophical Conflict How do you build philosophical conflict into your story? Where do you start? And how do you develop it into your characters and their external actions. Today I’m going to break this all down and make it fully clear in this episode.
Endings: The Good, the Bad, and the Insanely Great By Michael Arndt: I put this lecture together in 2006, when I started work at Pixar on Toy Story 3. It looks at how to write an "insanely great" ending, using Star Wars, The Graduate, and Little Miss Sunshine as examples. 90 minutes
Tips for Writing Effective Character Goals By Jessica Brody (Save the Cat!): Writing character goals is one of the most important jobs of any novelist. But are your character's goals...mushy?
World Building
  • Physical environment: The screenplay is set in the picturesque yet isolated Colorado mountains, featuring a majestic backdrop of towering mountains, a serene lake, and the imposing Overlook Hotel. The environment conveys both beauty and danger, with elements like winding mountain roads, snow-covered landscapes, and a hedge maze that adds to the sense of entrapment and mystery.
  • Culture: Cultural elements in the screenplay include the family's dynamics, the significance of hospitality within the hotel setting, and the historical references to the Donner party, which evoke themes of survival and desperation. The characters' interactions reflect a blend of domesticity and the eerie atmosphere of the hotel, highlighting the tension between normal family life and the supernatural elements at play.
  • Society: The societal structure is depicted through the hierarchy within the hotel staff, the family dynamics of the Torrance family, and the interactions with characters like Ullman and Halloran. The isolation of the hotel during winter creates a microcosm where societal norms are disrupted, leading to escalating tensions and conflicts among the characters.
  • Technology: Technological elements are minimal, focusing on basic amenities within the hotel, such as radios for communication and kitchen appliances. The reliance on outdated technology emphasizes the isolation of the characters, particularly as communication lines are cut off during the storm, heightening the sense of vulnerability.
  • Characters influence: The unique physical environment of the hotel and its isolation profoundly shape the characters' experiences and actions. Jack's desire for solitude and inspiration for his writing is juxtaposed with the psychological effects of isolation, leading to his descent into madness. Wendy's protective instincts towards Danny are heightened by the eerie atmosphere and the threats posed by Jack, influencing her actions throughout the narrative.
  • Narrative contribution: The world elements contribute significantly to the narrative by establishing a tense and suspenseful atmosphere. The isolation of the Overlook Hotel serves as a catalyst for the characters' psychological unraveling, while the physical characteristics of the maze and the hotel itself create a sense of entrapment that drives the plot forward. The historical context of the hotel adds layers to the unfolding horror.
  • Thematic depth contribution: The world elements contribute to the thematic depth of the screenplay by exploring themes of isolation, madness, and the fragility of family dynamics. The juxtaposition of the hotel's beauty with its dark history reflects the duality of human nature and the potential for violence lurking beneath the surface. The cultural references and societal structures highlight the impact of environment on psychological states, reinforcing the horror of the characters' experiences.
Story Engine Analysis

central conflict

The central conflict revolves around Jack Torrance's descent into madness and violence as he becomes increasingly influenced by the supernatural forces within the Overlook Hotel, leading to a struggle for survival between him and his family.

primary motivations

  • Jack's desire for creative success and solitude as a writer.
  • Wendy's motivation to protect her son Danny and maintain family stability.
  • Danny's need to understand and cope with his psychic abilities and the dangers surrounding him.

catalysts

  • Jack's acceptance of the winter caretaker position at the Overlook Hotel.
  • Danny's psychic connection to the hotel and his interactions with Tony.
  • The isolation caused by the snowstorm, which exacerbates Jack's mental instability.

barriers

  • Jack's internal struggles with alcoholism and anger.
  • The supernatural influences of the hotel that manipulate Jack's psyche.
  • Wendy's attempts to protect Danny while dealing with Jack's increasing aggression.

themes

  • Isolation and its psychological effects.
  • The fragility of family dynamics under stress.
  • The interplay between reality and supernatural forces.

stakes

The lives and safety of Wendy and Danny are at stake as Jack's mental state deteriorates, leading to potential violence and tragedy.

uniqueness factor

The story uniquely blends psychological horror with supernatural elements, exploring the impact of isolation on the human mind within a haunted setting.

audience hook

The tension between familial love and the threat of violence keeps viewers engaged, as they witness Jack's transformation and the desperate measures Wendy takes to protect Danny.

paradoxical engine or bisociation

The paradox lies in Jack's pursuit of creative freedom leading to his ultimate entrapment and madness, showcasing how the desire for solitude can lead to destructive isolation.

paradoxical engine or bisociation 2

The juxtaposition of the idyllic setting of the Overlook Hotel against the horrific events that unfold creates a bisociation that highlights the duality of beauty and terror.


Engine: Claude

Screenplay Rating:

Consider

Executive Summary

The screenplay for 'The Shining' demonstrates strong character development, a compelling supernatural mystery, and masterful use of visual storytelling. However, it also exhibits some pacing issues, particularly in the middle act, and could benefit from a more cohesive thematic exploration. While the writing style is generally strong, there are a few areas that could use improvement, such as the dialogue in certain scenes. Overall, the screenplay has the potential to be a captivating horror/thriller feature with some refinement.

Strengths
  • The screenplay demonstrates strong character development, particularly for the protagonist Jack Torrance. His descent into madness is portrayed effectively through both his interactions with his family and his internal struggles. high ( Scene 9 (Jack's Apartment)   Scene 17 (Jack's Apartment)   )
  • The screenplay utilizes effective visual storytelling techniques, such as the repeated imagery of the Grady girls and the use of the word 'red rum', to create a sense of impending dread and the supernatural. high ( Scene 16 (Kitchen)   Scene 23 (Corridors)   )
  • The screenplay does a good job of establishing the family's backstory and Danny's unique abilities, which helps to set up the central conflict and mystery. medium ( Scene 4 (Danny's Bedroom)   Scene 11 (Kitchen)   )
Areas of Improvement
MissingElements
  • The screenplay could benefit from more exploration of the supernatural elements and their impact on the characters, particularly in the later stages of the story. medium ( Scene 28 (Lounge)   Scene 56 (Stairs)   )
  • The setting of the Overlook Hotel could be better utilized as a character in its own right, with more emphasis on the hotel's history and its influence on the characters. medium ( Scene 1 (Overlook Hotel)   Scene 10 (Overlook Hotel)   )
NotablePoints
Blind Spots
  • Character Motivations While the screenplay does a good job of exploring the characters' internal struggles, there are moments where their motivations could be more clearly defined, particularly in the case of Wendy and her decision-making process. For example, in sequence 43, her decision to confront Jack directly could be better justified and aligned with her previous actions. medium
  • Thematic Coherence The screenplay touches on several thematic elements, such as isolation, addiction, and the supernatural, but their exploration could be more consistent and cohesive throughout the story. There are moments where the thematic focus seems to shift or become less pronounced, which can impact the overall narrative strength. medium
Amateur Giveaways
  • Expositional Dialogue While the dialogue is generally strong, there are a few instances where it feels overly expositional, such as in the interaction between Jack and Grady in the bathroom (sequences 36-37). The characters occasionally seem to state information that would be more naturally conveyed through subtext or action. low
  • Pacing Issues The pacing of the screenplay can feel uneven at times, particularly in the middle act (sequences 20 and 43). Some scenes drag or feel repetitive, which can impact the overall narrative flow and audience engagement. medium

Engine: DeepSeek

Screenplay Rating:

Highly Recommend

Executive Summary

The screenplay for 'The Shining' is a masterclass in psychological horror, blending supernatural elements with deep character studies. Its strengths lie in its atmospheric tension, meticulous pacing, and the gradual unraveling of Jack Torrance's sanity. The narrative is compelling, with a unique setting that becomes a character in itself. While the screenplay excels in many areas, there are minor pacing issues in the middle act and some character motivations could be further explored. Overall, it's a standout piece in the horror genre.

Strengths
Areas of Improvement
  • The middle act slows down slightly, with some scenes feeling less urgent compared to the rest of the screenplay. medium ( Scene 20 (The TV Scene)   )
  • Wendy's character could benefit from more development to make her reactions more nuanced. medium ( Scene 34 (The Radio Scene)   )
MissingElements
  • More backstory on the Overlook Hotel's history could enhance the supernatural elements. low
  • Danny's 'shining' abilities could be explored further to deepen the supernatural plot. medium
NotablePoints
Blind Spots
  • Character Motivation Jack's transition from loving father to homicidal maniac could use more gradual buildup to feel fully earned. medium
Amateur Giveaways
  • Exposition Some dialogue, particularly in early scenes, feels overly expository, such as Ullman explaining the hotel's history. low

Engine: GPT4

Screenplay Rating:

Highly Recommend

Executive Summary

The screenplay of 'The Shining' is a masterclass in psychological horror, showcasing strong character arcs, particularly Jack Torrance's descent into madness. The narrative is tightly woven, with consistent themes of isolation, madness, and the supernatural. The pacing is generally effective, though some scenes could benefit from tightening. The character development is profound, particularly in the portrayal of Jack, Wendy, and Danny, making their struggles and transformations compelling. Overall, the screenplay is engaging and maintains a high level of suspense throughout.

Strengths
Areas of Improvement
MissingElements
NotablePoints
Blind Spots
  • Character Motivation The screenplay occasionally lacks clarity in character motivations, particularly regarding Jack's descent into madness. While his struggles are evident, the transition from a loving father to a violent figure could be more explicitly developed to enhance audience understanding. medium
Amateur Giveaways
  • Exposition Some scenes contain heavy exposition that could be streamlined for better pacing. For instance, the dialogue in Ullman's office could be more concise to maintain tension and avoid dragging the narrative. medium
Memorable lines in the script:

Scene Number Line
53JACK: Here's Johnny!
44JACK: Wendy, I'm home.
38Danny: Red Rum. Red Rum. Red Rum.
25JACK: I love you, Danny. I love you more than anything else in the whole world, and I'd never do anything to hurt you, never... You know that, don't you, huh?
35LLOYD: Your money's no good here.