September 5

Executive Summary

Poster
Overview

Genres: Drama, Thriller, Sports, Historical, Comedy

Setting: 1972, Munich, Germany during the Summer Olympics

Overview: Set against the backdrop of the 1972 Munich Olympics, the story begins in the control room of ABC Sports, where the excitement of live broadcasting is palpable. As Olympic swimmer Mark Spitz competes, the atmosphere shifts dramatically when gunshots signal a crisis unfolding in the Olympic Village. The narrative follows Geoff Mason, a confident and somewhat arrogant journalist, as he navigates the chaos of a hostage situation involving Israeli athletes. Throughout the unfolding events, Geoff and his colleagues grapple with the ethical dilemmas of live reporting, the emotional toll of witnessing tragedy, and the clash of cultures between American and German perspectives. As the crisis escalates, the crew must make difficult decisions about what to broadcast, ultimately leading to a profound realization of their responsibilities as journalists. The story culminates in a somber reflection on the human cost of conflict and the impact of their coverage on public perception.

Themes: The ethical dilemmas of live broadcasting during a crisis., The contrast between the carefree atmosphere of the Olympics and the horrific reality of the terrorist attack., The cultural clash between German and American perspectives on the event., The personal toll of witnessing trauma and the human cost of conflict., The power of live television to shape public perception and influence events.

Conflict and Stakes: The primary conflict revolves around the urgent and chaotic situation of the hostage crisis during the Olympics, with the stakes being the safety of the hostages and the ethical implications of broadcasting the events live.

Overall Mood: Tense and urgent, with moments of somber reflection.

Mood/Tone at Key Scenes:

  • Scene 1: The mood is exhilarating and tense as the live broadcast begins amidst the chaos of the Olympics.
  • Scene 15: The mood shifts to somber and heavy as the crew grapples with the devastating news of the hostages' fate.
  • Scene 30: The mood is filled with urgency and anxiety as the team prepares for a live broadcast during the escalating crisis.

Standout Features:

  • Unique Hook: The real-time coverage of a hostage crisis during a major international sporting event, blending sports and journalism.
  • Major Twist: The unexpected escalation of the hostage situation, leading to tragic outcomes that challenge the characters' moral compasses.
  • Distinctive Setting: The backdrop of the 1972 Munich Olympics, a historically significant event that adds depth and urgency to the narrative.
  • Innovative Ideas: Exploration of the ethical dilemmas faced by journalists in crisis situations, highlighting the impact of media on real-world events.

Comparable Scripts:

  • The Killing Fields
  • All the President's Men
  • Spotlight
  • The Report
  • The Day the Clown Cried
  • The Newsroom
  • The Munich Massacre
  • The Siege
  • The Bourne Ultimatum

Writing Style:

The screenplay demonstrates a consistent style characterized by fast-paced, sharp dialogue, high-stakes situations, and a focus on complex character interactions within intense, often professional, settings. Ethical dilemmas and moral ambiguities are frequently explored, adding layers of depth to the narrative. While action and suspense are present, the driving force of many scenes is the dialogue itself, revealing character motivations and power dynamics.

Style Similarities:

  • Aaron Sorkin
  • David Mamet
Other Similarities
Pass/Consider/Recommend

Recommend


Explanation: September 5 is a compelling and well-structured screenplay that masterfully recreates the tension and drama of the 1972 Munich Olympics hostage crisis. While the pacing is excellent and the character development is strong, particularly for Geoff Mason, the narrative occasionally veers into melodrama and needs some tightening. However, the unique perspective and the focus on the television production aspect make this script stand out. With minor revisions to address pacing and thematic consistency, this screenplay has strong commercial potential.


USP: The screenplay's USP lies in its ability to artfully blend real-world historical events with a deeply personal and emotionally resonant story. By focusing on the experiences of the ABC Sports crew, the writer creates a unique perspective that allows the audience to witness the unfolding tragedy through the eyes of those tasked with reporting on it. The screenplay's strong character development, particularly the journey of Geoff Mason, and its exploration of the moral and ethical dilemmas faced by the crew, make it a compelling and thought-provoking piece of storytelling that sets it apart from other sports-related dramas.
Market Analysis

Budget Estimate:$20-30 million

Target Audience Demographics: Adults aged 25-54, particularly those interested in historical dramas, political thrillers, and sports.

Marketability: The screenplay has strong historical relevance and dramatic tension, appealing to audiences interested in real-life events and ethical dilemmas.

The unique blend of sports, journalism, and political drama can attract a diverse audience, including sports fans and those interested in historical narratives.

The emotional depth of the characters and the high stakes of the situation can resonate with viewers, though it may face competition from other high-profile projects.

Profit Potential: High, due to the potential for critical acclaim, award nominations, and a strong audience draw from both sports and historical drama enthusiasts.

Analysis Criteria Percentiles
Writer's Voice

Summary:The writer's voice is characterized by a compelling blend of realism and high stakes drama, particularly within the context of live television broadcasting during a crisis. It's marked by sharp, authentic dialogue that reveals character dynamics and internal conflicts, detailed scene descriptions that immerse the reader in the technical aspects and tense atmosphere of a newsroom, and a focus on the ethical dilemmas faced by journalists in high-pressure situations. The voice is both witty and serious, capable of capturing both the camaraderie and the intense pressure of the environment.

Best representation: Scene 3 - Technical Turmoil in the Control Room. Scene 3 best encapsulates the writer's unique voice because it masterfully blends several key elements: the sharp, witty dialogue that captures the characters' personalities and the high-stakes environment; the detailed scene description that establishes the setting and atmosphere; and the implied tension and pressure that informs the characters' interactions. It perfectly showcases the writer's ability to create a realistic and engaging portrayal of a high-pressure situation without sacrificing the nuances of character or the underlying dramatic tension.

Memorable Lines:

  • HOWARD: These Israeli athletes are leaving the Olympic Village -- not as free and proud competitors of their country -- but as victims of a brutal act of terror. (Scene 48)
  • McKay: Our worst fears have been realized tonight. They’ve now said there were eleven hostages; two were killed in their rooms this morn-- yesterday morning, nine were killed at the airport tonight. They're all gone. (Scene 58)
  • BADER: If you screw this up, I’m the one in trouble with Roone. (Scene 3)
  • ROONE: Ask him how it feels to win Gold in Hitler’s backyard... Walk with me... (Scene 5)
  • Roone: Not politics, Bader. Drama. Emotions. (Scene 6)
Characters

Geoff Mason:An ambitious and energetic sports reporter navigating the chaos of the Olympic Games.

Roone Arledge:The president of ABC Sports, focused on delivering impactful coverage amidst the crisis.

Marianne Gebhardt:A translator and crew member who provides crucial insights and emotional depth.

Marvin Bader:The VP of Sports Operations, dealing with the pressures of live broadcasting and crisis management.

Jim McKay:The lead announcer, tasked with delivering news during the unfolding hostage situation.

Story Shape
Summary **Title: "Live from Munich"** **Genre:** Drama/Thriller **Logline:** During the 1972 Munich Olympics, the team at ABC Sports grapples with the unfolding crisis of a hostage situation involving Israeli athletes, balancing the responsibilities of live broadcasting while navigating their ethical dilemmas and personal struggles amid chaos and tragedy. **Summary:** Set against the backdrop of the 1972 Summer Olympics in Munich, the screenplay focuses on Geoff Mason, a dedicated junior producer at ABC Sports, and his colleagues as they encounter one of the most harrowing events in Olympic history. The story opens in the control room, capturing the excitement of live sports coverage, particularly swimmer Mark Spitz's historic victory. However, the atmosphere quickly shifts as news of gunfire emerges from the Olympic Village, leading the team into an escalating crisis that overshadows the Games. As Geoff prepares for the events, he enjoys camaraderie with Marvin Bader, the VP of Sports Operations, but their light-hearted banter soon gives way to tension when a technical breakdown and the emergence of heavy ethical concerns arise. Roone Arledge, the president of ABC Sports, prioritizes emotional storytelling, distancing himself from the typical sports coverage to focus on the human cost of the Olympics amidst Germany’s dark history. The narrative escalates as the crew grapples with a hostage crisis that involves Israeli athletes, leading to a frenzied atmosphere in the control room. The team faces mounting pressure as they make decisions about live broadcasts, aware of the dire implications of their coverage. Tensions peak when they receive heartbreaking updates about the hostages’ fate, leading to an emotional climax that challenges their roles as broadcasters. Through various scenes, the screenplay highlights the contrasting emotions of the sports world with the tragic realities imposed by terrorism. As the situation unfolds, the relationships among the crew grow deeper, with significant moments of connection occurring amidst chaos. Ultimately, the narrative culminates in profound grief as the team comes to terms with the loss of life and the impact of their decisions in covering the tragedy. In the aftermath, Geoff reflects on the emotional toll and personal connections formed during the crisis, ultimately leaving him with unresolved feelings as he seeks solace in the quietness of a new dawn. "Live from Munich" serves as a poignant reminder of the intersection of media, sports, and the human experience in times of extreme turmoil.


Screenplay Story Analysis

Story Critique The screenplay impressively captures the tension and drama of the 1972 Munich Olympics hostage crisis, using the backdrop of a live television broadcast to heighten the stakes. The focus on the ABC Sports team provides a unique and compelling perspective, allowing viewers to experience the events through the eyes of the journalists who covered them. The characters are largely well-developed, each with their own motivations and arcs, though some arcs feel rushed or underdeveloped. The screenplay successfully builds suspense and creates a palpable sense of urgency throughout the crisis. However, the plot sometimes feels somewhat episodic, with events unfolding in a somewhat linear fashion rather than organically intertwining. The pacing in certain sections is uneven, and there's a lack of focused character development, especially in the emotional aftermath of the crisis. While the climax is effectively depicted, the resolution feels somewhat rushed and doesn't fully explore the lasting impact on the characters.
Suggestions: - Develop a stronger overarching theme beyond the immediate events. Explore themes of journalistic ethics, national identity, and the impact of terrorism on a global scale. - Enhance character relationships and create more organic interweaving of plotlines. Develop more substantial subplots. - Deepen the exploration of the emotional consequences of the crisis on the characters, particularly in the aftermath. Allow for more reflection and processing of trauma. - Improve pacing by prioritizing key moments and streamlining less essential scenes. - Create a more satisfying and impactful resolution by exploring the long-term consequences of the events on the characters and their careers.

Note: This is the overall critique. For scene by scene critique click here
Beginning The opening scenes effectively establish the setting and introduce the main characters, particularly Geoff Mason. The contrast between the excitement of the Olympics and the underlying tension within the ABC Sports control room is well-executed. The initial scenes featuring Geoff, though somewhat stereotypical of an arrogant journalist, work well to establish his personality. However, the initial connection to the larger plot could be more immediate. The introduction of the Olympic setting and the background of the hostage crisis needs more development. The beginning leans too much on exposition rather than organically revealing information through action and dialogue.
Suggestions: - Open with a more impactful event, perhaps a foreshadowing of the crisis to hook the audience immediately. - Integrate more exposition organically through dialogue and action, rather than relying on lengthy scenes of setup. - Better establish the relationships between the main characters before introducing the central crisis.
Middle The middle section successfully builds tension as the crisis unfolds. The screenplay effectively uses the live broadcast format to convey the real-time urgency of the events. The use of multiple perspectives, including those of the ABC staff, the hostages, and the terrorists, adds to the complexity of the narrative. However, some sections feel bogged down in technical details of broadcasting and lack strong emotional beats. The pacing is uneven, and the plot often prioritizes reporting events over character development. Certain supporting characters remain largely underdeveloped throughout the middle act.
Suggestions: - Increase the focus on character relationships during the crisis. - Incorporate more moments of emotional depth and introspection, particularly for the supporting characters. - Streamline some of the technical details to avoid slowing down the pacing. - Introduce more significant plot points and stakes to maintain a consistent level of tension.
Ending The climax of the screenplay is powerfully rendered, capturing the horror and chaos of the hostage situation. The ending moments effectively convey the emotional toll of the crisis on the characters. The post-crisis scenes, however, feel abrupt and lack sufficient emotional depth. The ending feels somewhat rushed in its handling of the aftermath, particularly the profound impact on the characters and their lasting feelings. The resolutions for several characters feel underdeveloped, leaving a sense of incompleteness.
Suggestions: - Dedicate more time to the emotional aftermath of the crisis. - Explore the long-term effects of the events on the characters' lives and careers. - Develop a more nuanced and satisfying conclusion that fully addresses the themes raised in the screenplay. - Show how the experiences shape their future perspectives. - Provide more closure for the supporting characters.

See the full analysis by clicking the title.

1 - The Emotional Victory: A Moment at the 1972 Olympics Excitement, Tension, Disappointment 8.5 9 89 9 889788889 89999
2 - The Drive to Ambition Intense, Determined, Contemplative 8.2 9 88 9 687.5677888 88.58.599
3 - On Air Antics Sardonic, Humorous, Professional 8.2 8 89 9 687675877 99988
4 - Technical Turmoil in the Control Room Serious, Exciting, Informative 8.5 8 89 8 687677878 89888
5 - Tensions in Transition Tense, Humorous, Serious 8.2 8 89 9 787878988 99888
6 - The Boxing Match Decision Serious, Humorous, Tense 8.2 8 88 9 787788978 88999
7 - Echoes of the Past Reflective, Hopeful, Respectful 8.5 9 88 9 787676879 88899
8 - Frustration in the VTR Room Tense, Frustrated, Humorous 7.5 8 89 8 787877877 89888
9 - Echoes of Tension Tense, Mysterious, Intense, Dramatic 8.5 8 88 9 787778888 89888
10 - Echoes of Gunfire Suspenseful, Mysterious, Tense 8.5 8 97 8 787878888 89988
11 - Urgent Inquiry Tense, Suspenseful, Investigative 8.2 8 89 8 787878888 89988
12 - Tension in the Control Room Tense, Suspenseful, Serious 8.5 8 98 8 787979978 89988
13 - Awakening to Crisis Tense, Urgent, Suspenseful 8.5 8 99 8 789989988 89999
14 - Crisis in the Control Room Tense, Urgent, Serious 8.5 8 98 8 889989989 99999
15 - Breaking News: Crisis at the Olympic Village Tense, Serious, Urgent, Shocking 8.7 9 98 9 998989989 99999
16 - Urgent Preparations in the Control Room Urgent, Tense, Serious, Excited 8.5 8 98 8 787889978 89999
17 - Chaos in the Studio Tense, Urgent, Serious, Mysterious, Anxious 8.5 8 97 8 887979979 99988
18 - Camera Challenge and Professional Focus Tense, Urgent, Serious 8.5 8 99 8 887979979 99988
19 - Heavy Burdens Tense, Serious, Urgent 8.5 8 98 8 889989989 99999
20 - Negotiating Chaos Tense, Urgent, Serious 8.5 8 98 8 787989978 89988
21 - Urgent Broadcast Preparations Tense, Urgent, Serious 8.5 8 98 8 789989988 99999
22 - Tension in the VTR Library Tense, Serious, Focused 8.5 8 99 8 789889978 99988
23 - Tension in the Control Room Tense, Urgent, Suspenseful 8.5 8 98 8 787.5989988 99988
24 - Tension in the Control Room Tense, Urgent, Serious, Exciting 8.5 8 98 8 789989988 99999
25 - Taking Charge of the Story Tense, Serious, Urgent 8.5 8 99 8 787.5989988 998.588
26 - The Haunting Opener Tense, Urgent, Fascinated, Unsettled 8.5 8 88 8 798879888 79999
27 - Tension in the Control Room Tense, Urgent, Serious 8.5 8 98.5 8 787.5889988 898.588
28 - Ethics on the Edge: The Broadcast Dilemma Tense, Serious, Thoughtful 8.5 9 89 9 887879878 89888
29 - Live Coverage of Crisis: Terrorist Attack at the Olympics Tense, Urgent, Serious, Professional 8.5 8 99 8 789889988 99999
30 - Tension in the Control Room Tense, Serious, Urgent 9.2 9 99 9 787.59810989 898.588
31 - Negotiation in the Editing Room Tense, Suspenseful, Analytical 8.5 8 98 8 787879878 99899
32 - Contrasting Realities at the Olympics Tense, Urgent, Serious 8.5 8 98 8 887979978 89888
33 - Lost in Translation Tense, Urgent, Frustrated 8.2 8 89 8 787878978 89888
34 - Tension on Connollystrasse Tense, Excited, Concerned 8.5 8 98 8 787.5889888 898.588
35 - Tension at the Control Room Tense, Excited, Serious 8.5 8 98 8 789889988 89999
36 - Tension and Humor in the Control Room Tense, Serious, Excited 8.5 8 99 8 787.5889988 89888
37 - Broadcast Under Siege Tense, Urgent, Serious 8.5 8 98 8 787889887 89988
38 - Broadcast Interrupted: The Weight of Emotion Tense, Emotional, Urgent 8.5 8 98 8 889979989 89999
39 - Urgent Warning in the Transmission Room Tense, Alarmed, Confused 8.5 8 99 8 787889978 79988
40 - Tension at the Munich Olympics Tense, Urgent, Suspenseful 8.5 8 98 8 798989988 89999
41 - Tension in Transmission Tense, Alarming, Intriguing 8.5 8 98.5 8 787.5989988 898.588
42 - Confrontation in the Control Room Tense, Intense, Dramatic, Suspenseful 8.5 8 98 8 887989989 99988
43 - Tensions Rise in the Hallway Tense, Serious, Concerned 8.5 8 98 8 787989978 89988
44 - Frustration in the Control Room Tense, Urgent, Frustrated 8.5 8 98 8 787989988 99999
45 - Broadcasting Horror Tense, Serious, Urgent, Emotional 8.5 8 98 8 887979979 89888
46 - Tensions Rise in the Control Room Tense, Urgent, Serious 8.5 8 98 8 889989989 89999
47 - Urgent Preparations for Helicopter Landing Tense, Urgent, Suspenseful 8.5 8 98 8 789889988 89999
48 - Tension at the Olympic Village Tense, Urgent, Emotional 9.2 9 99 9 889989989 89988
49 - Night Watch: The Helicopter Crisis Tense, Serious, Urgent 8.5 8 99 8 787979978 79888
50 - Crisis in the Control Room Tense, Desperate, Shocked, Somber 8.5 8 98 8 887.5989989 998.588
51 - Chaos in the Streets Tense, Chaotic, Urgent 8.5 8 98 8 787.5989988 898.588
52 - Breaking News: Tension at the Airport Tense, Excited, Anxious 9.2 9 99 9 9878899710 99988
53 - Tension and Triumph in the Control Room Tense, Relieved, Anxious 8.5 8 98 8 887889879 89999
54 - Broadcast Breakthrough Amidst Crisis Tense, Anxious, Celebratory 8.5 8 99 8 889888979 99988
55 - Crisis in the Control Room Tense, Shocking, Desperate 8.5 8 98 8 889989989 99999
56 - Desperate Plea Amidst Chaos Tense, Anxious, Ominous 8.5 8 98 8 887979979 89899
57 - Echoes of Loss Tense, Desperate, Anxious, Hopeful, Serious 9.2 9 98 9 987108109810 99888
58 - Devastating News in the Control Room Devastation, Tension, Shock, Sadness 9.2 9 99 9 9878799710 99888
59 - Shared Shadows Somber, Reflective, Regretful 8.5 8 89 9 887367679 99888
60 - Dawn of Responsibility Tense, Somber, Devastating 8.5 8 88 9 887677779 88999


Scene 1 - The Emotional Victory: A Moment at the 1972 Olympics
INT. ABC SPORTS’ 1972 OLYMPICS STUDIO, CONTROL ROOM - DAY

CLOSE UP: A gun is raised. BANG.

VOICE (O.C.)
Cut to 1.

WIDE SHOT: An Olympic swimming pool. The swimmers dive off
their blocks. Freestyle. High speed.

SPORTS COMMENTATOR (V.O.)
That’s a good start for Mark Spitz.

VOICE (O.C.)
Cam 2, close up Spitz. Cut to 2.

CLOSE UP: U.S. swimmer superstar Mark Spitz glides through
the water with powerful strokes.

Camera pulls back to reveal we’re looking at one of many
screens on a monitor wall.

Focused STUDIO TECHNICIANS sit at a large console. Headphones
over ears. Hands rest on buttons. Shirts soaked with sweat.
All eyes on the numerous monitors up front.

An excited commentator’s voice sounds from the speakers.

SPORTS COMMENTATOR (V.O.)
Now Spitz takes the lead. Look at
that style. Those powerful moves.

A LIVE BROADCAST DIRECTOR gives camera instructions.

DIRECTOR
Cam 1 tighten in! Dolly, show me
Spitz.

Mechanical chatter echoes every command: Copy that! Confirm.

It feels like we’re in the heart of a huge machine, supplying
the world with vital information. Every move perfectly
coordinated. A masterpiece of timing and teamwork.

SPORTS COMMENTATOR (V.O.)
Spitz leaves the German swimmer far
behind. He is about to write
Olympic history here by winning his
seventh gold medal... and he did
it! Spitz wins!

DIRECTOR
Cam 2, ready for Spitz’s close up.

Someone intervenes in a soft voice.

VOICE
No, the German first.


The command comes from a man in a tailored suit sitting right
behind the director: ROONE ARLEDGE (41), President of ABC
Sports. A visionary storyteller who knows how to captivate
his audience. He speaks quietly and rarely, so his words have
power. There is, however, something fragile about him.

The director looks back at Roone.

DIRECTOR
Sure? The German?

Roone confirms with a calm nod.

DIRECTOR (CONT’D)
(into headset)
Cam 2 - change of plans. Give me
the German swimmer.

On the main monitor: the hopelessly exhausted face of the
German swimmer. The commentator immediately understands
Roone's decision and rounds out the narrative.

SPORTS COMMENTATOR (V.O.)
Werner Lampe is devastated. He
trained for years, but nothing
stops history. Spitz left him
behind. He left them all behind
today.

The monitor shows the winner, his joy radiates all the more
against the background of the disappointed competitors.

But Roone isn't satisfied yet.

ROONE
Tighter.

DIRECTOR
(into headset)
Cam 2, push in.

CAM 2
That’s as far as she goes.

On the monitor Spitz runs towards his parents. Hugs them.

ROONE
I want to be in that hug.

The director is at a loss, but someone else has an idea:

JACQUES (O.S.)
We could try the mobile unit.

All eyes on the crew’s freelance technical director: JACQUES
LEMAIRE (50s). Experienced pro.


DIRECTOR
They’re not prepared. It’s gonna be
too shaky.

ROONE
I don’t care.

DIRECTOR
(into headset)
Alright 6, run over there.

JACQUES
(into headset)
Back him up, Charlie.

DIRECTOR
Put 6 in preview.

Preview monitor: The image starts shaking, camera moves
towards Spitz.

On a different preview monitor a man with a camera and
backpack that looks like he's from Ghostbusters crosses the
frame. Two assistants trying to catch up with the cabling
behind him.

Director doesn’t even look at the monitor anymore, but at
Roone who motions to push in.

DIRECTOR (CONT’D)
(into headset)
Tighter... Tighter... Tighter...
(off Roone’s signal)
That’s it, hold it. Now take 6!

Main monitor: Spitz collapsed in the arms of his parents. The
camera is right in the middle, lens fogged up by Spitz’s
breath. This is the most important moment of his life. And
we’re part of it.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama","Sports"]

Summary In the control room of ABC Sports during the 1972 Olympics, a gunshot signals the start of a live broadcast featuring swimmer Mark Spitz. As technicians coordinate camera shots, Roone Arledge, the president of ABC Sports, prioritizes capturing the emotional reaction of a German swimmer over Spitz's victory. The director adapts to Roone's vision, leading to a poignant broadcast that culminates in a close-up of Spitz embracing his parents, highlighting the significance of his win.
Strengths
  • Realistic portrayal of a live sports broadcast environment
  • Tension and excitement building
  • Character dynamics and decision-making process
Weaknesses
  • Some technical jargon may be confusing for viewers without knowledge of live broadcast operations

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively captures the tension and excitement of a live sports broadcast, with a strong focus on character dynamics and decision-making processes.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of showcasing the behind-the-scenes workings of a live sports broadcast adds depth and intrigue to the scene, offering a unique perspective on the events unfolding in the swimming pool.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene revolves around the decision-making process of the director and the impact it has on the narrative of the Olympic event, effectively building tension and drama.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh perspective on sports broadcasting, highlighting the ethical dilemmas and emotional complexities involved in capturing live events. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging, adding depth to the familiar setting of an Olympic competition.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters, particularly Roone Arledge and the director, are well-developed and their dynamics add depth to the scene, showcasing the pressure and stakes involved in capturing the emotional moments of the event.

Character Changes: 8

Roone Arledge's decision to focus on the German swimmer instead of Spitz showcases a subtle shift in his character, highlighting his empathy and consideration for the underdog.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to make a decision that goes against the norm and challenges the expected narrative outcome, reflecting a desire to prioritize authenticity and integrity over convention.

External Goal: 9

The protagonist's external goal is to capture the most authentic and emotional moment of the Olympic event, showcasing the human side of the competition and creating a compelling narrative for the audience.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, revolving around the decision-making process and the emotional impact on the characters involved.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, as Roone's decision to prioritize authenticity over spectacle challenges the expectations and conventions of sports broadcasting. The uncertainty and tension surrounding this decision create a compelling conflict that drives the narrative forward.

High Stakes: 8

The high stakes of the Olympic event and the pressure faced by the characters in capturing the most impactful moments add intensity and drama to the scene.

Story Forward: 8

The scene effectively moves the story forward by showcasing the pivotal moment of the Olympic event and the impact of the director's decision on the narrative.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because it subverts audience expectations and challenges the traditional narrative structure of sports broadcasting. Roone's decision to prioritize authenticity over spectacle adds a layer of complexity and emotional depth to the story.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict revolves around the balance between authenticity and spectacle in sports broadcasting. Roone's decision challenges the traditional narrative structure and prioritizes the emotional truth of the moment over the expected outcome.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, particularly in capturing the devastation of the German swimmer and the joy of Mark Spitz, effectively engaging the audience in the emotional stakes of the event.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue effectively conveys the urgency and tension of the situation, with minimal but impactful lines that drive the scene forward.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it immerses the reader in the high-stakes world of live sports broadcasting, capturing the tension, excitement, and emotional depth of the Olympic event. The characters' decisions and interactions create a sense of urgency and authenticity.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotional impact, creating a sense of urgency and significance in capturing the pivotal moment of the Olympic event. The rhythm of the dialogue and action sequences enhances the reader's engagement and investment in the story.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of the scene is clear and concise, effectively conveying the visual and auditory elements of the live broadcast setting. The use of camera directions and dialogue tags enhances the reader's understanding of the action.

Structure: 9

The scene follows a dynamic and engaging structure, building tension and emotional impact through a series of escalating decisions and actions. The pacing and rhythm effectively convey the urgency and significance of the broadcast.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the high-stakes environment of a live sports broadcast, immersing the audience in the tension and excitement of the moment. The use of technical jargon and the depiction of the crew's frantic energy adds authenticity to the setting.
  • Roone Arledge's character is introduced well, showcasing his authority and vision. However, his fragility could be further emphasized through subtle actions or expressions that hint at the weight of his decisions, enhancing the emotional depth of his character.
  • The dialogue is functional but could benefit from more distinct voices for the various crew members. Each character should have a unique way of speaking that reflects their personality and role within the team, which would help the audience differentiate between them more easily.
  • The transition from the excitement of Spitz's victory to the emotional weight of the German swimmer's reaction is well executed, but the emotional stakes could be heightened by including a brief moment of reflection from Roone or the director, showcasing the internal conflict between sportsmanship and storytelling.
  • The pacing is generally good, but there are moments where the action could be tightened. For instance, the dialogue during the camera adjustments could be streamlined to maintain the urgency of the scene without losing clarity.
  • The visual descriptions are strong, but incorporating more sensory details—such as the sounds of the control room, the feel of the heat, or the tension in the air—could further immerse the audience in the scene.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment where Roone's internal conflict is visually represented, perhaps through a close-up of his face as he makes the decision to focus on the German swimmer, allowing the audience to feel the weight of his choice.
  • Enhance character differentiation by giving each crew member a distinct catchphrase or mannerism that reflects their personality, making them more memorable and relatable.
  • Incorporate more sensory details to create a richer atmosphere, such as the sounds of the control room, the heat from the equipment, or the palpable tension among the crew.
  • Streamline the dialogue during the camera adjustments to maintain urgency while ensuring clarity, possibly by cutting unnecessary words or phrases.
  • Consider adding a brief moment of silence or a pause after the German swimmer's reaction to allow the emotional weight of the moment to resonate with the audience before moving on.



Scene 2 - The Drive to Ambition
INT. HOTEL SHERATON, MUNICH - NIGHT

It’s the middle of the night.

We’re in a small hotel room. The TV is on. Muted. Sports
images flicker on the screen.

A MAN sits at the edge of the bed. Fully dressed. We can only
make out his silhouette. In his hand a page scribbled with
cryptic times, names and nations.

A phone rings. The Man picks it up. Clears his throat.

MAN
Thanks, I'm already awake.


He hangs up. Puts on one of two watches lying on the bedside
table. Winds it. Reaches for the second one.

CLICK. He switches off the TV on his way out.


EXT. HIGHWAY / INT. RENTAL CAR - NIGHT

CLACK. A car radio is switched on.

The Man speeds down Munich’s empty expressway. And for the
first time we see his face. Intelligent eyes behind thick
glasses. Tousled hair. Cigarette hanging in his mouth.

This is GEOFF MASON (27). A junior producer at ABC Sports,
determined to keep climbing the ladder. He’s energetic.
Smart. And yes, a bit arrogant, but his enthusiasm is so
contagious, that you can’t help but like him.

As CCR’s “Fortunate Son” starts playing on the radio, Geoff
turns up the volume and takes the next exit.


EXT. PARKING LOT / INT. RENTAL CAR - NIGHT

Geoff parks in the Olympic Village’s “press corps” area.

He throws on a pre-tied tie, looks in the mirror, smoothes
his hair. Realizes this is as good as it gets.

He takes out the scribbled note. Now we see it’s a schedule
of Olympic events.

One last look, then he puts it down and gets out.


EXT. PARKING LOT - NIGHT

We follow Geoff to the ABC studio building. In the background
is the mighty “Olympiastadion”. Masts with the flags of all
nations rise behind it.
Genres: ["Drama","Sports"]

Summary In a small hotel room in Munich, Geoff Mason, a determined junior producer at ABC Sports, prepares for the upcoming Olympic events. After a phone call, he dons one of his watches and leaves the room, driving energetically down an empty expressway while listening to 'Fortunate Son.' Upon arriving at the Olympic Village, he parks in the press corps area, checks his schedule, and adjusts his appearance before stepping out of the car, ready to face the challenges ahead.
Strengths
  • Effective establishment of protagonist
  • Engaging tone and mood setting
  • Clear visual storytelling
Weaknesses
  • Minimal dialogue interactions
  • Lack of significant conflict

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.2

The scene effectively sets the stage for the upcoming Olympic events, showcasing the protagonist's determination and anticipation while maintaining a contemplative and reflective tone.


Story Content

Concept: 8.5

The concept of following a junior producer on his journey to the Olympic Village is engaging and sets the stage for the larger events to unfold. The scene effectively introduces the protagonist and establishes the tone for the story.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene focuses on the protagonist's drive to the Olympic Village, setting up the larger events of the story. It effectively establishes the setting and the character's motivations.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh take on the sports broadcasting industry, showcasing the behind-the-scenes world of a junior producer covering the Olympic events. The authenticity of Geoff's actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The protagonist, Geoff Mason, is well-developed through his actions and internal thoughts. His determination and enthusiasm shine through, making him a compelling character to follow.

Character Changes: 6

While there is minimal character change in this scene, it sets the stage for potential growth and development as the story progresses.

Internal Goal: 8

Geoff's internal goal in this scene is to prove himself as a capable and ambitious junior producer at ABC Sports. This reflects his deeper need for recognition, success, and validation in his career.

External Goal: 7.5

Geoff's external goal in this scene is to cover the Olympic events as a junior producer at ABC Sports. This reflects the immediate circumstances and challenges he's facing in his career.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

The scene lacks significant conflict but sets up the anticipation for the high-stakes events to come, hinting at potential conflicts and challenges the protagonist may face.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to present potential challenges for Geoff in achieving his goals, adding a layer of uncertainty and tension to the narrative.

High Stakes: 7

The scene hints at the high stakes of the Olympic events to come, setting the stage for intense competition and personal challenges for the characters.

Story Forward: 8

The scene effectively moves the story forward by introducing the protagonist and setting up the upcoming events at the Olympic Village. It establishes the narrative trajectory and builds anticipation.

Unpredictability: 7.5

This scene is unpredictable because it hints at potential challenges and obstacles that Geoff may face in covering the Olympic events, keeping the audience on their toes.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

There is a philosophical conflict between Geoff's ambition and the competitive nature of the sports broadcasting industry. This challenges Geoff's beliefs about success, recognition, and the sacrifices required to achieve his goals.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7.5

The scene evokes a sense of anticipation and determination, setting a strong emotional foundation for the story to unfold. The audience can connect with the protagonist's drive and enthusiasm.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue in the scene is minimal but effective in conveying the protagonist's mindset and setting the tone for the upcoming events. It could benefit from more dynamic interactions to further develop the character.

Engagement: 8.5

This scene is engaging because it sets up a compelling protagonist with clear goals and motivations, while introducing a sense of mystery and intrigue surrounding the Olympic events.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and momentum, keeping the audience engaged and eager to see what happens next.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings, action lines, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 9

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, effectively setting up the protagonist's goals and motivations while building tension and intrigue.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes Geoff Mason's character as energetic and somewhat arrogant, which is a good contrast to the emotional weight of the previous scene. However, the transition from the emotional climax of Mark Spitz's victory to Geoff's more lighthearted and self-assured demeanor could be more pronounced to emphasize the shift in tone.
  • The use of music, specifically CCR's 'Fortunate Son,' is a strong choice that adds to the character's personality and sets a rebellious tone. However, the scene could benefit from a more vivid description of how the music affects Geoff's mood or actions, enhancing the emotional connection for the audience.
  • The visual descriptions are generally effective, but they could be more evocative. For instance, instead of simply stating 'the TV is on. Muted. Sports images flicker on the screen,' consider describing the specific images or sounds that might evoke a sense of nostalgia or urgency related to the Olympics.
  • The dialogue is minimal, which works for the scene's pacing, but adding a line or two of internal monologue or a brief conversation with the person on the phone could provide more insight into Geoff's motivations and state of mind. This would help the audience connect with him on a deeper level.
  • The scene ends with Geoff heading towards the ABC studio building, which is a solid visual cue. However, it might be more impactful to include a moment of reflection or anticipation from Geoff as he approaches the studio, hinting at the challenges he will face ahead.
Suggestions
  • Enhance the emotional contrast between the previous scene and this one by incorporating a more pronounced reaction from Geoff to the events of the Olympics, perhaps through a brief internal thought or a comment about the significance of the games.
  • Consider adding a brief moment where Geoff interacts with someone in the hotel or during his drive, which could provide additional context about his character and the environment he is in.
  • Use more descriptive language to paint a vivid picture of the hotel room and the drive through Munich, focusing on sensory details that evoke the atmosphere of the night and the significance of the Olympic events.
  • Incorporate a line of dialogue or internal monologue that reflects Geoff's ambitions or thoughts about the Olympics, which would help to establish his character's motivations more clearly.
  • Add a moment of hesitation or reflection as Geoff prepares to enter the studio, which could heighten the tension and anticipation for the audience, setting the stage for the challenges he will face in the upcoming scenes.



Scene 3 - On Air Antics
INT. ABC TV STUDIO, CORRIDOR, HALLWAY - NIGHT

Geoff walks down a dark corridor into the hallway.

ABC Sports Operations’ VP MARVIN BADER (45) already waits for
him. Despite two decades in the TV business, Bader hasn’t
lost his moral compass. He exudes great kindness, with an
occasionally sardonic sense of humor.

They instantly launch into a walk-and-talk.

BADER
You were supposed to be here before
the show ends.


Geoff looks at the two watches on his wrist.

GEOFF
Right, I’m a minute and thirty
seconds early.
(taps second watch)
Hell, in New York I’m five hours
early.

Geoff steers towards a table with lousy catering. Grabs a
styrofoam cup and pumps himself a coffee.

BADER
(not in the mood)
Funny. If you screw this up, I’m
the one in trouble with Roone.
(hands Geoff a schedule)
We need to go over the sche-

GEOFF
Day starts with Volleyball at 0930,
Group D, covered by C Unit while B
prepares the soccer pre-match at--

BADER
(convinced)
Alright, alright...

They stop at a heavy door with a glowing red “On Air” light.

Bader puts down his clipboard, and looks at Geoff, who seems
a little bit overdressed.

BADER (CONT’D)
Going on a date?

GEOFF
Just got off one. Your wife says
hello.

Bader can’t help but grin, quietly opens the door and they
slip in.
Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

Summary In a dark corridor of the ABC TV studio, Geoff meets Marvin Bader, the VP of Sports Operations, for a light-hearted walk-and-talk about the upcoming show. Despite Bader's frustration over Geoff's timing, they engage in playful banter about Geoff's attire and a recent date. The scene captures their camaraderie and the pressures of the show, ending with them entering the studio together.
Strengths
  • Witty dialogue
  • Authentic character interactions
  • Insight into TV production dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Low conflict level
  • Minimal character change

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.2

The scene effectively combines humor with professionalism, offering insight into the characters' personalities and the high-pressure environment of live TV production.


Story Content

Concept: 8.3

The concept of showcasing the behind-the-scenes of TV production during a major event is engaging and offers a unique perspective on the story. It adds depth to the overall narrative.

Plot: 8

The plot progression in this scene focuses on introducing key characters and setting up the dynamics of the TV production team. It moves the story forward by providing context and insight into the behind-the-scenes world.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces fresh and authentic characters in a unique setting, with witty dialogue that sets it apart from typical workplace scenes.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters of Geoff and Bader are well-developed through their interactions and dialogue. Geoff comes across as energetic and somewhat arrogant, while Bader is portrayed as kind yet professional.

Character Changes: 6

There is minimal character change in this scene, as it primarily focuses on introducing the characters and setting up the dynamics of the TV production team.

Internal Goal: 8

Geoff's internal goal in this scene is to prove his competence and reliability to his boss, Marvin Bader. This reflects his desire for recognition and respect in his professional life.

External Goal: 7

Geoff's external goal is to successfully navigate the upcoming TV production schedule and ensure everything runs smoothly. This reflects the immediate challenge he is facing in his job.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

While there is some tension between Geoff and Bader regarding punctuality and responsibility, the conflict is relatively low-key in this scene.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is moderate, with Bader providing a challenge for Geoff to prove himself, adding tension to their interactions.

High Stakes: 5

The stakes are relatively low in this scene, focusing more on the professional dynamics and interactions between the characters rather than high-stakes drama.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by providing context and insight into the behind-the-scenes world of TV production, setting up future events and character interactions.

Unpredictability: 7

The scene is somewhat predictable in terms of character interactions and plot progression, but still maintains interest through its witty dialogue.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

There is a subtle philosophical conflict between Geoff's laid-back attitude and Bader's more serious demeanor. This challenges Geoff's values of casualness and humor in the face of pressure.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6.5

The scene elicits a light-hearted and humorous emotional response from the audience, primarily through the witty dialogue and character interactions.

Dialogue: 8.7

The dialogue is witty, engaging, and reveals the personalities of the characters. It adds humor and authenticity to the scene, making the interactions feel natural and dynamic.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its fast-paced dialogue, humor, and high-stakes setting, keeping the audience invested in the characters' interactions.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is fast and dynamic, reflecting the urgency of the characters' situation and keeping the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows standard formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene headings and character descriptions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a typical format for a workplace setting, with clear character introductions and dialogue that advances the plot.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes the dynamic between Geoff and Bader, showcasing their relationship through the walk-and-talk format. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext to deepen their characters and the stakes involved in their conversation.
  • Geoff's humor about being early is a nice touch, but it feels somewhat forced and could be more organic. The line about being five hours early in New York could be rephrased to sound more natural and less like a punchline.
  • The setting of the dark corridor and the heavy door with the 'On Air' light creates a sense of anticipation, but the scene could use more sensory details to immerse the audience in the environment. Describing the sounds of the studio or the atmosphere could enhance the tension and urgency.
  • Bader's character is introduced well, but his sardonic humor could be highlighted more through his interactions with Geoff. Adding a bit more wit or sarcasm in his responses could make him more memorable.
  • The transition from the corridor to the studio is smooth, but the scene could benefit from a stronger emotional hook. Perhaps hinting at the pressure of the upcoming broadcast or the stakes involved could create a more compelling reason for the audience to invest in the characters' journey.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment of hesitation or tension before they enter the studio to heighten the stakes of the broadcast. This could be a brief exchange about the importance of the upcoming show or a hint of something going wrong.
  • Revise Geoff's humor to feel more spontaneous and less scripted. Perhaps he could make a comment about the coffee or the catering that feels more in line with his character's personality.
  • Incorporate more sensory details about the environment, such as the sounds of the studio, the smell of coffee, or the bustling atmosphere, to create a more vivid setting.
  • Enhance Bader's character by giving him a memorable line or two that showcases his personality and adds depth to his relationship with Geoff. This could be a humorous quip or a moment of genuine concern.
  • Add a brief moment of reflection for Geoff as he prepares to enter the studio, allowing the audience to see his internal thoughts or feelings about the pressure of the broadcast, which would create a stronger emotional connection.



Scene 4 - Technical Turmoil in the Control Room
INT. CONTROL ROOM - NIGHT

An unexpected heat smacks Geoff in the face as he enters.

BADER
(whispers)
AC’s broken.

Geoff loosens his tie knot and looks around the room.

The show is still on. It may be four in the morning here in
Munich, but it’s still prime time in New York.


The excitement of live reporting is gone and the crew works
with half staff. Routine is in the air.

On the main monitor: A slow motion shot of young Soviet
Gymnast Olga Korbut performing the backflip from the higher
bar that would make her a legend. Sportscaster Jim McKay and
Gordon Maddox are commenting:

GORDON (O.S.)
... It’s been a week since we
witnessed this already historical
performance. But it still takes my
breath away...

MCKAY (O.S.)
Gordon, I think I speak for all of
us here at ABC Sports when I say:
What a sensation is Olga Korbut!

GORDON (O.S.)
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it
again: She deserved an Eleven!

MCKAY (O.S.)
She certainly did... Ladies and
Gentleman at home...

DIRECTOR
Take 5.

On the screen we now see an aerial view of the Olympic
Stadium at night. The floodlights are on, the stadium empty.

McKAY
...this concludes our daily report,
here at the Twentieth Summer
Olympics.

DIRECTOR
Fade in bird caption.

Yellow letters appear on the monitor: LIVE VIA SATELLITE FROM
MUNICH, GERMANY.

DIRECTOR (CONT’D)
(into headset)
Back to 1.

The main monitor cuts to McKay in the studio.

DIRECTOR (CONT’D)
(into mic)
Jim, set up the Spitz presser.

McKay smoothly slides in the information:


McKAY
Mark Spitz, the American athlete
who set an all time Olympic record
by winning seven gold medals...

DIRECTOR
(into headset)
Roll highlight tape.

On the main monitor the highlights of the swimming race start
playing again, as McKay continues his comment:

MCKAY
...the last one just hours ago will
be interviewed tomorrow. Only here,
on ABC Sports.

Suddenly, the monitor goes black. Only audio keeps playing.

Nervous murmurs among the crew.

DIRECTOR
Not again... Jacques, what’s going
on? Is this on our feed?

JACQUES
No.

DIRECTOR
Then why is my screen black?

JACQUES
(shrugs)
Feed is clean.

He points at two consumer TVs positioned besides the monitor
wall still showing the feed. These are the “network return
monitors”, which mirror the signal as people see it at home -
one in color, one in black and white.

ROONE
Close with the trailer.

On the network return monitors, ABC Sports’ 1972 Olympic
trailer plays:

Dynamic shots of athletes in a wide variety of disciplines.
Real time and in slow motion.

Over it, a powerful voice:

ABC ANNOUNCER (V.O.)
This summer we’re sending two teams
to the Olympics. America’s finest
young athletes. Plus the finest
television sports team in the
world.


Images of impressive camera setups at sporting events.

ABC ANNOUNCER (V.O.)
ABC’s unprecedented coverage of the
Olympics will be the most
comprehensive in history. You’ll be
able to experience as never before.
Through ABC’s exclusive color slow
motion and stop action videotape.
And for the first time in the
history of television...

Insert graphic: a satellite circles the Earth.

ABC ANNOUNCER (V.O.)
Using a brand new satellite
technology...


INT. TRANSMISSION ROOM - NIGHT

ABC ANNOUNCER (V.O.)
... we will bring the Games from
another continent directly into
your homes. Live and in color.

Technicians plug cables into a huge console. Connect Munich
with the world.

ABC ANNOUNCER (V.O.)
The Summer Olympics: History being
made!
Genres: ["Drama","Sports"]

Summary In the tense atmosphere of a control room during the 1972 Summer Olympics in Munich, Geoff arrives to find the crew grappling with a broken AC and a critical technical issue: the main monitor has gone black. As they continue to broadcast highlights of gymnast Olga Korbut's performance, the director and crew members work frantically to troubleshoot the problem, while commentators Jim McKay and Gordon Maddox keep the audience engaged. Amidst the chaos, Roone suggests closing with the Olympic trailer, highlighting the historic nature of the event as technicians strive to reconnect the broadcast.
Strengths
  • Authentic portrayal of live broadcasting process
  • Detailed depiction of control room dynamics
  • Setting up anticipation for the upcoming interview with Mark Spitz
Weaknesses
  • Lack of emotional depth in dialogue
  • Minimal character development

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys the intensity and precision required in live broadcasting, while also setting the stage for the upcoming interview with Mark Spitz. The technical details and the interactions between the characters add depth to the narrative.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of showcasing the behind-the-scenes of a live sports broadcast during a significant event like the Olympics is engaging and provides insight into the intricacies of television production. The use of real historical footage adds authenticity to the scene.

Plot: 8

The plot revolves around the preparation for and execution of a live broadcast, with a focus on setting up the interview with Mark Spitz. The scene effectively sets the stage for the upcoming interaction between Spitz and the sports commentators.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh perspective on the behind-the-scenes challenges of live broadcasting during a major sporting event. The dialogue and actions of the characters feel authentic and true to the setting.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters in the scene, particularly the crew members in the control room, are portrayed realistically and contribute to the authenticity of the setting. Their interactions and concerns add depth to the narrative.

Character Changes: 6

There is minimal character development in the scene, as the focus is more on the technical aspects of the live broadcast. However, the interactions between the crew members hint at their personalities and roles within the team.

Internal Goal: 8

Geoff's internal goal in this scene is to maintain composure and professionalism despite technical difficulties and unexpected challenges. This reflects his desire to excel in his job and uphold the reputation of the broadcasting network.

External Goal: 7

Geoff's external goal is to troubleshoot the technical issues with the broadcast and ensure that the live coverage continues smoothly. This reflects the immediate challenge he faces in maintaining the integrity of the broadcast despite setbacks.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, revolving around technical difficulties and the pressure to deliver a flawless broadcast. While there is tension in troubleshooting the blackout, it is resolved quickly.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with technical difficulties and unexpected challenges creating obstacles for the protagonist to overcome. The audience is left unsure of how the situation will be resolved.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes in the scene are moderately high, as the crew faces technical difficulties during a live broadcast of a significant event like the Olympics. The pressure to deliver a flawless show adds tension to the narrative.

Story Forward: 8

The scene effectively moves the story forward by setting up the upcoming interview with Mark Spitz and showcasing the technical challenges of live broadcasting. It adds depth to the narrative and builds anticipation for the next plot development.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected technical issues that arise during the live broadcast, keeping the audience on edge and unsure of how the characters will resolve the situation.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the tension between the desire for perfection in live broadcasting and the reality of technical failures. This challenges Geoff's beliefs in the reliability of technology and the importance of delivering accurate information to viewers.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7.5

The scene evokes a sense of urgency and excitement, particularly in the moments leading up to the blackout and the subsequent troubleshooting. While there is a lack of emotional depth, the technical precision and teamwork contribute to the overall impact.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue in the scene is informative and serves to convey the technical aspects of the live broadcast process. While it lacks emotional depth, it effectively conveys the urgency and precision required in such a high-pressure environment.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it immerses the audience in the high-pressure world of live television production, with a mix of technical challenges, character interactions, and dramatic tension.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, with a balance of dialogue, action, and technical details that keep the audience engaged and invested in the outcome.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected format for a screenplay, with clear scene headings, dialogue formatting, and action descriptions. The formatting enhances the readability and flow of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure that effectively conveys the tension and urgency of the situation. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness in building suspense.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes the atmosphere of the control room during a high-pressure live broadcast, capturing the tension and urgency of the moment. However, the dialogue could be more dynamic to reflect the stress and stakes involved in live television production.
  • The use of technical jargon, such as 'feed is clean' and 'roll highlight tape,' adds authenticity but may alienate viewers unfamiliar with broadcasting terms. Consider balancing technical language with more accessible dialogue to maintain engagement.
  • The transition from the excitement of Olga Korbut's performance to the technical difficulties with the monitor is well-executed, but the emotional impact could be heightened. Adding a moment of panic or frustration among the crew could enhance the stakes and urgency of the situation.
  • The scene lacks a clear emotional arc for Geoff or other characters. While the technical aspects are well-covered, exploring the personal stakes for Geoff or his colleagues could deepen the audience's connection to the characters and their challenges.
  • The visual descriptions are strong, particularly the imagery of the Olympic Stadium and the dynamic shots of athletes. However, the scene could benefit from more sensory details, such as the sounds of the control room or the physical sensations of the heat, to create a more immersive experience.
Suggestions
  • Incorporate more character-driven dialogue that reveals the personalities and emotions of the crew members, particularly Geoff, to create a stronger connection with the audience.
  • Consider adding a moment of tension or conflict among the crew when the monitor goes black, such as a disagreement on how to handle the situation, to heighten the drama.
  • Introduce a brief flashback or internal monologue for Geoff that reflects on the significance of the Olympics or his personal stakes in the broadcast, adding depth to his character.
  • Enhance the sensory details in the scene by describing the sounds of the control room, the heat affecting the crew, and the visual chaos of the monitors to create a more vivid atmosphere.
  • Explore the emotional reactions of the crew to the technical difficulties, perhaps showing how they cope with the stress or how it affects their performance, to add layers to the scene.



Scene 5 - Tensions in Transition
INT. CONTROL ROOM - NIGHT

The ASSISTANT DIRECTOR says the crew’s favorite phrase:

ASSISTANT DIRECTOR
And we’re clear.

COMMUNICATOR
(into telephone)
Back to you, New York. Have a good
evening, Skip.

DIRECTOR
(puts down headset)
Great job. It's B-Unit's turn
tomorrow. Enjoy your day off.

Tension drops. People start moving everywhere again. Monitors
now display color bars.

At the rear of the room a CR TECHNICIAN pulls a black
curtain, revealing a large glass window. Behind it is the
actual studio set where McKay is being filmed. We only catch
a glimpse of him as he’s walking off the stage.


The Director walks past Geoff on his way out.

DIRECTOR (CONT’D)
Good luck on your day, Mase.

GEOFF
Thanks Don, enjoy the alps.

Bader gestures to Geoff to come with him. They approach
Roone, who has his eyes fixed on a paper.

BADER
Roone, I'd like to do a handover
with Geoff, who--

ROONE
(not interested)
You check Jennings’ Dachau piece?

BADER
Not yet.

ROONE
Watch it. See if it’s any good.

BADER
Roone... Frankly, I do have some
concerns about cutting from sports
to the Holocaust.

Roone ponders for a moment, then:

ROONE
Spitz is Jewish, right?

Bader is irritated:

BADER
Since when am I ABC’s expert on
Judaism?

Geoff jumps in.

GEOFF
He is. Spitz.

ROONE
What time is the presser?

GEOFF
Four PM.

ROONE
(to Bader)
There’s your lead-in.

Roone grabs his jacket and walks towards the door:


BADER
So you want to ask a Jew about the
Holocaust... On live television?

Roone turns around, shrugs:

ROONE
Yeah. Ask him how it feels to win
Gold in Hitler’s backyard... Walk
with me...

Roone opens the door into the:
Genres: ["Drama","Historical"]

Summary In a bustling control room after a live broadcast, the Assistant Director announces the end of the segment, allowing the crew to relax. The Director praises the team and informs them of a day off for B-Unit. However, tension arises when Bader expresses concerns about transitioning from a sports segment to a Holocaust discussion. Roone dismisses these worries and suggests interviewing a Jewish athlete, highlighting the ethical dilemmas faced in broadcasting. The scene concludes with Roone confidently leaving, leaving Bader and Geoff to ponder the implications of his controversial proposal.
Strengths
  • Sharp dialogue
  • Character dynamics
  • Setting up conflicts and future storylines
Weaknesses
  • Limited emotional depth
  • Character changes are subtle

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.2

The scene effectively sets up conflicts and potential storylines while showcasing the different personalities and power dynamics within the control room. The dialogue is sharp and engaging, adding depth to the characters and setting up future developments.


Story Content

Concept: 8.3

The concept of exploring the behind-the-scenes dynamics of a live sports broadcast during a significant historical event is intriguing and offers a unique perspective on the storytelling. The introduction of potential controversial content adds depth to the narrative.

Plot: 8

The plot advances through character interactions and the introduction of potential conflicts, setting up future developments and adding layers to the story. The focus on Mark Spitz's Jewish heritage and the Holocaust adds complexity to the narrative.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the ethical considerations of television production, blending serious topics like the Holocaust with sports broadcasting. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters are well-defined and their personalities shine through in their interactions. Geoff's humor and confidence contrast with Bader's concern, while Roone's bold decision-making adds tension to the scene.

Character Changes: 7

While there are subtle shifts in the characters' dynamics and motivations, the scene primarily focuses on setting up future conflicts and storylines. Geoff's growing confidence and Roone's bold decision-making hint at potential character development.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to navigate the professional challenges and ethical dilemmas presented in the conversation with Roone about the content of the show. This reflects the protagonist's desire to uphold journalistic integrity while also dealing with the pressure of live television production.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to successfully handle the handover with Geoff and Roone, ensuring a smooth transition in the production process. This goal reflects the immediate circumstances and challenges of the protagonist's job in television production.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between Bader's concerns about the Holocaust content and Roone's bold decision to pursue it creates tension in the scene. Geoff's role in mediating the conflict adds layers to the dynamics within the control room.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting viewpoints and power dynamics creating tension and uncertainty. The audience is left wondering how the characters will navigate the ethical challenges presented.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are raised by the introduction of potentially controversial content involving the Holocaust and Mark Spitz's Jewish heritage. The characters' decisions and actions have the potential to impact the broadcast and their relationships.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by introducing conflicts, setting up future developments, and deepening the relationships between the characters. The focus on potential controversial content hints at significant plot developments to come.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected ethical dilemmas and power dynamics that emerge in the conversation between the characters. The audience is left unsure of how the situation will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the ethical considerations of covering sensitive topics like the Holocaust in a sports broadcast. It challenges the protagonist's beliefs about journalistic integrity and the balance between entertainment and serious content.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7.5

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from tension to humor, as the characters navigate potential conflicts and decisions. The introduction of sensitive topics like the Holocaust adds emotional weight to the narrative.

Dialogue: 8.7

The dialogue is sharp, engaging, and reveals the characters' motivations and conflicts effectively. The banter between Geoff, Bader, and Roone adds depth to the scene and sets up future storylines.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the sharp dialogue, tension-filled interactions, and moral dilemmas presented. The audience is drawn into the behind-the-scenes world of television production and the ethical challenges faced by the characters.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and intrigue through sharp dialogue and character interactions. The rhythm of the scene keeps the audience engaged and interested in the unfolding events.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear dialogue attribution and scene descriptions. The formatting enhances the readability and flow of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear character interactions and a progression of tension and conflict. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the effectiveness of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the tension and urgency of a live broadcast environment, showcasing the dynamics between the characters and their roles. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext to enhance character depth and conflict. For instance, Roone's dismissive attitude towards Bader's concerns about the Holocaust segment feels a bit one-dimensional; adding layers to his motivations could create a more complex character.
  • The pacing of the scene is generally good, but it could be tightened in places. For example, the exchange between Bader and Roone about the Dachau piece could be more concise, allowing for a quicker transition to the next beat. This would maintain the momentum and keep the audience engaged.
  • The visual elements, such as the glass window revealing the studio set, are a nice touch, but they could be more explicitly tied to the emotional stakes of the scene. For instance, showing the crew's reactions to McKay's performance could heighten the sense of camaraderie and the pressure they all feel.
  • Geoff's character is introduced as somewhat passive in this scene. While he does contribute by confirming Spitz's Jewish identity, he could take a more active role in the discussion, perhaps by expressing his own concerns or ideas about the segment. This would help establish him as a more dynamic character within the team.
  • The scene ends abruptly with Roone's decision to pursue the interview, which could leave the audience wanting more context. A brief moment of reflection from Geoff or Bader could provide insight into their feelings about the decision, enhancing the emotional weight of the moment.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding subtext to the dialogue, particularly in Roone's responses, to reveal more about his character and motivations. This could involve hints at his past experiences or personal beliefs regarding the Holocaust and its representation in media.
  • Tighten the dialogue between Bader and Roone to maintain a brisk pace. Focus on the essential points of their disagreement and eliminate any redundant phrases.
  • Incorporate more visual storytelling by showing the crew's reactions to McKay's performance or the atmosphere in the control room, which could enhance the emotional stakes of the scene.
  • Give Geoff a more active role in the conversation. Allow him to voice his thoughts or concerns about the segment, which would help establish him as a more engaged and dynamic character.
  • Add a moment of reflection at the end of the scene, perhaps through a brief exchange between Geoff and Bader, to provide insight into their feelings about the decision to interview Spitz. This could deepen the emotional impact of the scene.



Scene 6 - The Boxing Match Decision
INT. HALLWAY - NIGHT

Roone walks fast, Bader next to him, Geoff follows, trying to
find space for himself in the hallway.

Roone turns around to Geoff.

ROONE
So? Talk me through the day.

Geoff is startled for a moment, then:

GEOFF
We start with volleyball, could be
quite excit--

ROONE
No US Team.

GEOFF
Um, soccer, intermediate round.

ROONE
Who?

GEOFF
GDR vs Mexico. Denmark vs Morocco.
Birma against Malaysia.

Roone sighs: really? He walks into his office. Grabs his
briefcase. Geoff keeps on talking:

GEOFF (CONT’D)
But then there is boxing. The Great
White Hope is in quarters. Against
Teófilo.

Roone steps back into the hallway and continues towards the
exit. Bader and Geoff follow.

ROONE
The Cuban?


GEOFF
Yeah. This guy’s the real deal.
Knocked down Denderys in thirty
secs.

BADER
So we’ll lose and the thing is over
in thirty seconds?

ROONE
Doesn’t matter. It’s Cuba... versus
the United States of America...

BADER
Sure you want to bring in politics?

ROONE
Not politics, Bader. Drama.
Emotions.

Geoff had that one prepared:

GEOFF
“The Cold War Heats up Again. Cuba
Launches a Missile at America’s
Hope”

ROONE
Little long. But good direction.

They arrive at the studio’s exit. Car waiting for Roone. The
driver holds the door open.

Roone, facing Bader, points a thumb at Geoff.

ROONE (CONT’D)
What’s his live coverage
experience?

GEOFF
I-

Roone lifts a hand: I’m not asking you.

BADER
He’s done golf tournaments. And
minor league baseball.

Beat.

ROONE
I’ll come in for the boxing match.

Roone steps out into the night:

ROONE (CONT’D)
No calls before 10. Promised my
daughters.


He gets into the car and drives off. Bader and Geoff walk
back into the studio complex.

Jacques passes by with a roll of cables.

GEOFF
Problem solved?

JACQUES
On it.

BADER
(to Geoff)
Alright. So you prep that tease
while I go rest my eyes on the
demise of my fellow Jews?

Geoff gives him a thumbs up. Bader checks his watch. Sighs.

BADER (CONT’D)
Guess I’m spending another night
here.
(mimics Roone as he heads
off)
No calls before ten. I promised
myself.
Genres: ["Drama","Sports"]

Summary In a studio hallway at night, Roone, Bader, and Geoff discuss the day's sports events. Roone dismisses the volleyball and soccer matches due to the lack of US teams, focusing instead on a boxing match featuring a Cuban fighter, which he sees as a dramatic opportunity. He decides to cover the boxing match himself, instructing Bader and Geoff to prepare while he heads home to his daughters. Bader expresses his resignation about another night at the studio, highlighting the tension and urgency of their responsibilities.
Strengths
  • Strong character dynamics
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Effective setup for future conflicts
Weaknesses
  • Limited resolution of existing conflicts
  • Some pacing issues in transitions between locations

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.2

The scene effectively balances multiple tones and themes, providing insight into the characters' dynamics and setting up potential conflicts.


Story Content

Concept: 8.3

The concept of exploring the behind-the-scenes dynamics of a sports broadcasting team during a high-stakes event is engaging and offers opportunities for character development and conflict.

Plot: 8

The plot focuses on setting up future events and conflicts, particularly the upcoming boxing match between the US and Cuba. It moves the story forward and introduces potential obstacles for the characters.

Originality: 8

The scene offers a fresh perspective on sports broadcasting, blending political and emotional elements with behind-the-scenes drama.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters are well-defined, with distinct personalities and motivations. Their interactions reveal underlying tensions and dynamics within the team.

Character Changes: 7

While there are subtle hints of character development, particularly in Roone's decision to cover the boxing match, the scene primarily focuses on establishing character dynamics.

Internal Goal: 8

Roone's internal goal is to maintain control and authority in the studio, showcasing his knowledge and decision-making skills.

External Goal: 7

Roone's external goal is to ensure the success of the live coverage of the boxing match and make strategic decisions regarding the coverage.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

While there are hints of potential conflicts and tensions, the scene primarily focuses on setting up future conflicts rather than resolving existing ones.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting priorities and tensions between characters adding depth to the narrative.

High Stakes: 8

The scene establishes high stakes through discussions about the upcoming boxing match between the US and Cuba, hinting at potential political and personal consequences for the characters.

Story Forward: 9

The scene effectively moves the story forward by introducing new events, conflicts, and character dynamics that will impact future developments.

Unpredictability: 7

The scene is unpredictable in terms of character dynamics and the outcome of the boxing match, keeping the audience engaged.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict revolves around the balance between politics and drama in sports coverage, with Roone emphasizing the emotional impact of the events.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7.5

The scene has a moderate emotional impact, particularly in the discussions about the upcoming boxing match and the potential political implications of the coverage.

Dialogue: 8.2

The dialogue is sharp and engaging, blending humor with serious discussions about the coverage of Olympic events and the potential political implications of sports.

Engagement: 8

This scene is engaging due to its fast-paced dialogue, tension between characters, and focus on the upcoming boxing match.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and progressing towards the climax of the boxing match coverage.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene follows standard formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene descriptions, character names, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 9

The scene follows a clear structure, with well-defined character interactions and a progression towards the boxing match coverage.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the fast-paced nature of the newsroom environment, showcasing the urgency and pressure that the characters face. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext and emotional depth. While the banter is light-hearted, it feels somewhat superficial given the gravity of the events surrounding the Olympics. Adding layers to the characters' motivations and feelings could enhance the emotional stakes.
  • Roone's character comes across as authoritative and dismissive, which is effective in establishing his role as a leader. However, his interactions with Geoff could be more nuanced. Instead of simply brushing off Geoff's contributions, Roone could exhibit moments of vulnerability or acknowledgment of Geoff's potential, which would create a more dynamic relationship.
  • The dialogue is witty and clever, but it sometimes feels like it prioritizes humor over the urgency of the situation. For instance, the exchange about the boxing match could be more intense, reflecting the high stakes involved rather than just a playful jab about politics. This would help ground the scene in the reality of the unfolding crisis.
  • The pacing of the scene is brisk, which is appropriate for the context, but it may benefit from a moment of pause or reflection. A brief moment where Geoff or Bader expresses their concerns about the day's events could add depth and allow the audience to connect more with their emotional state.
  • The ending of the scene, where Bader makes a dark joke about resting his eyes on the demise of his fellow Jews, feels jarring and could be perceived as insensitive given the context. While dark humor can be effective, it should be handled with care to avoid alienating the audience. A more subtle approach to expressing the weight of the situation would be advisable.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment of vulnerability for Roone, where he acknowledges the pressure of the situation or expresses concern for the athletes, which would create a more relatable character.
  • Incorporate more emotional stakes into the dialogue, especially regarding the boxing match. Instead of just focusing on the drama, highlight the personal stakes for the characters involved, such as their fears or hopes regarding the outcome.
  • Introduce a moment of silence or reflection after Roone leaves, allowing Bader and Geoff to express their concerns about the day's events. This could deepen the emotional impact of the scene.
  • Revisit the humor in the dialogue to ensure it aligns with the gravity of the situation. While wit is important, it should not overshadow the seriousness of the context in which the characters are operating.
  • Rework Bader's final line to maintain the dark humor but ensure it resonates more with the audience's understanding of the situation. Perhaps he could express a more somber acknowledgment of the events rather than a flippant remark.



Scene 7 - Echoes of the Past
INT. VTR LIBRARY - NIGHT

A room full of videotapes and film rolls.

Geoff’s fingers are gliding over the shelves. Looking for
something specific.


INT. EDITING ROOM - NIGHT

Bader opens a film can labeled “Dachau Report”. Threads audio
and film strips into an editing table’s rollers. Hits play.

The screen flickers and shows the Dachau concentration camp’s
entrance. On it the words “Arbeit macht frei.”

JENNINGS (V.O.)
Only about nine miles lie between
the “Serene Games”’s center and
Germany’s darkest chapter in
history. Unimaginable atrocities
were committed at the Dachau
concentration camp.

Now we see ABC journalist PETER JENNINGS (34) on site.

JENNINGS
(holds microphone, looks
at camera)
(MORE)

JENNINGS (CONT’D)
And yet, 27 years after the war,
it’s become a place of remembrance,
a place of reconciliation. Thanks
to the Olympic spirit.
(beat)
A spirit that makes images possible
that seemed impossible before.

Now visible on screen: the Israeli Olympic team lays wreaths.

Bader, moved, watches the young athletes’ faces.

A young man looks sympathetically into the camera. It’s
weight-lifter DAVID BERGER. A microphone is pointed at him.

DAVID BERGER
That’s exactly what the Olympics
are all about, you know. Like our
fencing coach Andrei says, we’re
here and can talk to Germans, chat
with athletes from Lebanon or
Egypt. This is what we were
dreaming about.

Now a German Official is speaking:

HANS KLEIN
Die Bundesrepublik Deutschland
begrüßt die Welt zu diesen heiteren
Spielen als Freunde. Mit offenen
Armen. Nicht geschichtsvergessen,
aber mit dem Blick fest auf eine
gemeinsame, friedliche Zukunft...

Bader pauses the reel and turns to the woman sitting at the
screening table behind him.

She is watching an interview with the overjoyed 16-year-old
Ulrike Meyfarth, whose gold medal stands out radiantly
against the green BRD-tracksuit.

BADER
You’re German, right?

The woman turns around. Meet MARIANNE GEBHARDT, 20s,
translator for the German Olympic Center. She has a timeless
look and a modern personality.

MARIANNE
(takes off her headphones)
Excuse me?

BADER
You’re the new translator, right?

Marianne nods.


BADER (CONT’D)
Can you do me a favor? What’s Hans
saying here?

Bader rewinds the reel. Plays the segment again.

MARIANNE
He is saying that the games are an
opportunity to welcome the world to
a new Germany, to move on from the
past.

BADER
Yeah, sure.

Marianne hesitates a beat, then:

MARIANNE
I mean, it’s what we all hope
for... What else can we do but move
on? Try to be better?

The Dachau report flickers behind them. You can see the
barracks. A watch tower.

BADER
Your parents still around?

MARIANNE
Yes.

BADER
Let me guess, they didn’t know
either?

She searches for words, then:

MARIANNE
Well, I’m not them.

Bader respects her will.

BADER
No, you’re not.

He gets up to leave, reaches out his hand.

BADER (CONT’D)
I’m Marvin Bader.

MARIANNE
I know. Head of operations. I’m
Marianne Gebhardt... Nice to meet
you.

BADER
(nods)
Welcome to ABC.
Genres: ["Drama","Historical"]

Summary In a dimly lit VTR library and editing room, Bader, head of operations at ABC, searches for a videotape while watching haunting footage of the Dachau concentration camp. Accompanied by journalist Peter Jennings' voiceover, the scene juxtaposes the Olympic Games with Germany's dark history. As the Israeli Olympic team lays wreaths, David Berger expresses hope for unity among nations. Bader converses with translator Marianne Gebhardt, who interprets a German official's desire to move on from the past. Their interaction reveals a shared understanding of the complexities of history and a mutual hope for reconciliation. The scene concludes with Bader introducing himself to Marianne, symbolizing a connection forged amidst the weight of history.
Strengths
  • Effective blending of historical footage with present narrative
  • Introduction of a compelling new character, Marianne
  • Exploration of themes of reconciliation and moving forward
Weaknesses
  • Limited interpersonal conflict
  • Potential lack of immediate tension

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively blends historical context with the present Olympic setting, creating a poignant and reflective atmosphere. The introduction of Marianne adds depth to the narrative and sets up potential character arcs.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of exploring reconciliation and moving forward from the past within the context of the 1972 Olympics is compelling and thought-provoking. The scene sets up potential themes of forgiveness and understanding.

Plot: 8

The plot progression focuses on introducing Marianne and exploring the historical context of the Dachau concentration camp, adding depth to the overall narrative. The scene moves the story forward by setting up potential conflicts and character development.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on historical events by focusing on personal connections and the impact of reconciliation on individuals.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters, particularly Marianne, are well-developed and offer unique perspectives on history and reconciliation. The interactions between Bader and Marianne add layers to their personalities.

Character Changes: 7

Marianne's introduction hints at potential character growth and development as she navigates her role as a translator and grapples with her personal history. Bader's interactions with Marianne also suggest a shift in perspective.

Internal Goal: 8

Bader's internal goal is to understand Marianne's perspective on moving on from the past and to establish a connection with her.

External Goal: 7

Bader's external goal is to get Marianne's help in translating Hans' speech and to establish a working relationship with her.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

While there is a subtle conflict between past and present, the scene primarily focuses on reflection and reconciliation, leading to a lower conflict level. The tension arises from the historical footage rather than interpersonal conflicts.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is subtle but present in the conflicting perspectives on moving on from the past.

High Stakes: 6

While the scene deals with weighty themes of history and reconciliation, the immediate stakes are lower in terms of personal conflicts or dramatic tension. The focus is on reflection and understanding rather than high-stakes drama.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing new elements, such as Marianne and the historical context of the Dachau concentration camp. It sets up potential conflicts and character arcs that will impact the narrative.

Unpredictability: 7

The scene is unpredictable in terms of Marianne's responses and the underlying tension between her personal history and present circumstances.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict revolves around the idea of moving on from the past and the challenges of reconciliation. Marianne's personal history and beliefs are in conflict with the societal expectation of moving forward.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene evokes a sense of nostalgia and hope, drawing on the emotional weight of historical events and personal reflections. The interactions between characters and the historical footage contribute to the emotional impact.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue effectively conveys the themes of reconciliation and moving forward, with meaningful exchanges between Bader and Marianne. The conversations feel natural and reflective of the characters' backgrounds.

Engagement: 8

This scene is engaging due to its blend of historical footage, personal conversations, and underlying tension between characters.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and allows for character development through dialogue and actions.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting adheres to the expected format for a screenplay, with clear scene descriptions and character actions.

Structure: 9

The scene follows a clear structure with well-defined character interactions and a gradual development of themes.


Critique
  • The scene effectively juxtaposes the Olympic spirit with the dark history of the Dachau concentration camp, creating a powerful emotional resonance. However, the transition between the two settings could be more fluid. The abrupt shift from the VTR library to the editing room might benefit from a brief visual or auditory cue that connects the two spaces, enhancing the flow of the narrative.
  • The dialogue between Bader and Marianne is engaging and provides insight into their characters. However, it could be strengthened by adding more subtext. For instance, Marianne's hesitance when discussing her parents could hint at deeper personal conflicts or unresolved feelings about her heritage, which would add layers to her character.
  • While the scene captures the tension between the celebratory nature of the Olympics and the somber history of the Holocaust, it risks feeling didactic at times. The dialogue could be more nuanced to avoid overt exposition. Instead of directly stating the hope for a better future, characters could express their feelings through more subtle interactions or emotional reactions to the footage.
  • The pacing of the scene feels uneven. The initial search for the videotape is quick, but the subsequent dialogue slows down significantly. Consider balancing the pacing by interspersing more action or visual elements during the dialogue, such as close-ups of the footage being played, to maintain viewer engagement.
  • The character of Bader is established as a professional, but his motivations could be more clearly defined. Adding a line or two that reveals his personal stakes in the broadcast or his feelings about the juxtaposition of the Olympics and Dachau would deepen his character and make his interactions with Marianne more impactful.
Suggestions
  • Introduce a visual or auditory transition between the VTR library and the editing room to create a smoother flow between the two settings.
  • Enhance Marianne's character depth by incorporating more subtext in her dialogue, particularly regarding her family and heritage.
  • Revise the dialogue to reduce overt exposition and allow for more nuanced expressions of hope and reconciliation.
  • Balance the pacing by incorporating more visual elements or actions during the dialogue to keep the audience engaged.
  • Clarify Bader's motivations and personal stakes in the broadcast to add depth to his character and enrich his interactions with Marianne.



Scene 8 - Frustration in the VTR Room
INT. VTR ROOM - NIGHT

Geoff skillfully threads a magnetic tape into the VTR
machine. Hits fast forward. Images of Fidel Castro, Cuba,
communist parades fizzle across the machine’s monitor.

JACQUES (O.S.)
I need to swap out all of the
wiring.

Jacques is at the door behind him, frustrated.

GEOFF
(without taking eyes from
monitor)
Then do it.

JACQUES
Grumpy has no spares.

GEOFF
(turns around)
He doesn’t?

JACQUES
At least not for me.


INT. STUDIO STAGE - NIGHT

Geoff walks up to HERMANN JÄGER, examining the broken air
conditioner system.

GEOFF
Hermann, you really don’t have any
cables?

No reaction.

GEOFF (CONT’D)
Hey, I’m talking to you. We need
cables.

Hermann glares at him.

HERMANN
Nein. No Kabel.

GEOFF
That’s crazy. What about--

Hermann turns back to the air conditioner.

HERMANN
Your boss fills out paper. Gives
paper to my boss. You get Kabel.

Jacques gives Geoff an I-told-you-so look.


INT. EDITING ROOM - NIGHT

Marianne is typing on her typewriter when Geoff appears at
the door.

GEOFF
Hey you, where’s the old man?

MARIANNE
I’m afraid he already left.

GEOFF
Damn.

MARIANNE
Any way I can help?

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In a tense night scene at a television studio, Geoff struggles to find cables for a VTR machine. Jacques informs him that there are no spare cables available, and when Geoff approaches Hermann for help, he is met with bureaucratic resistance as Hermann demands paperwork from Geoff's boss. Despite Geoff's determination, he is left frustrated after learning from Marianne that the old man he hoped to find for assistance has already left.
Strengths
  • Realistic portrayal of behind-the-scenes chaos
  • Effective use of humor in tense situations
  • Engaging character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Limited emotional impact
  • Minimal character development

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 7.5

The scene effectively captures the tension and frustration of the crew dealing with technical problems, while also injecting humor and curiosity through the interactions between the characters.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of showcasing the behind-the-scenes chaos of a live broadcast is engaging and provides insight into the intricacies of TV production.

Plot: 7.5

The plot revolves around the technical challenges faced by the crew, adding depth to the overall narrative of the screenplay.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to depicting behind-the-scenes challenges in a production environment. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 7.8

The characters are well-developed, each with their own personality traits and dynamics that add to the tension and humor of the scene.

Character Changes: 7

There is minimal character change in this scene, with the focus more on showcasing the dynamics between the characters.

Internal Goal: 8

Geoff's internal goal is to navigate the challenges and frustrations of dealing with uncooperative colleagues and limited resources. This reflects his desire for efficiency and professionalism in his work environment.

External Goal: 7

Geoff's external goal is to solve technical issues and ensure the production runs smoothly. This reflects the immediate circumstances and challenges he's facing in the scene.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7.8

The conflict arises from the technical issues and communication barriers faced by the crew, adding tension and driving the scene forward.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with characters facing challenges and conflicts that add depth to the narrative.

High Stakes: 7

The high stakes come from the pressure of live broadcasting and the potential consequences of technical failures.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by highlighting the challenges faced by the crew and setting up potential conflicts for future scenes.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected interactions and challenges that arise, keeping the audience on their toes.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between efficiency and bureaucracy. Geoff values getting things done quickly and effectively, while his colleagues adhere to a bureaucratic process of obtaining resources.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6.8

The scene elicits a moderate emotional response through the frustration and humor displayed by the characters.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue effectively conveys the frustration, humor, and curiosity of the characters, enhancing the overall tone of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its tense atmosphere, realistic dialogue, and relatable challenges faced by the characters.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining a sense of urgency and tension, keeping the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and easy to follow, adhering to the expected format for its genre.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear transitions between different locations and interactions.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes a sense of urgency and frustration among the characters, particularly Geoff, as he navigates the technical challenges of the broadcast environment. However, the dialogue could be tightened to enhance the pacing and clarity of the exchanges.
  • Geoff's interactions with Jacques and Hermann highlight the tension and communication barriers within the team, but Hermann's character could benefit from more depth. Currently, he comes off as a one-dimensional obstacle rather than a fully realized character. Adding a line or two that hints at his backstory or motivations could enrich the scene.
  • The transition between the VTR room, studio stage, and editing room is somewhat abrupt. A smoother transition could help maintain the flow of the scene and provide a clearer visual and emotional connection between the locations.
  • The use of 'Nein. No Kabel.' is effective in conveying Hermann's frustration, but it could be more impactful if it were followed by a brief moment of silence or a visual cue that emphasizes the tension in the air. This would allow the audience to feel the weight of the situation more acutely.
  • The scene ends on a somewhat anticlimactic note with Geoff's frustration about the old man leaving. While this reflects the ongoing challenges faced by the crew, it might be more engaging to end with a stronger emotional beat or a hint of the impending crisis, which would tie into the larger narrative.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of physical action or visual detail that emphasizes the chaos of the control room, such as crew members rushing around or equipment malfunctioning, to heighten the tension.
  • Introduce a line of dialogue that gives Hermann a more defined personality or backstory, which could create a more engaging dynamic between him and Geoff.
  • Incorporate a visual or auditory cue that signifies the urgency of the situation, such as a distant alarm or the sound of frantic footsteps, to enhance the atmosphere.
  • Revise the dialogue to make it more concise, focusing on key phrases that convey urgency and frustration without unnecessary repetition.
  • Consider ending the scene with a stronger hook, such as a sudden noise or an unexpected announcement over the intercom, to foreshadow the escalating tension in the story.



Scene 9 - Echoes of Tension
INT. STUDIO STAGE - NIGHT

Close up on Hermann ranting.

HERMANN
Wo dad ma denn da hin kommen, wenn
ein jeder nur noch mehr Zeug will?
Wissens was uns Deutsche die Spiele
kosten? Zwei Milliarden Mark. Und
dann würden die Amis daherkommen
und sich permanent nur beschweren.

We cut to see who’s receiving this tirade.

MARIANNE
Ja, das verstehe ich natürlich. Sie
müssen sicher permanent auf viele
Befindlichkeiten eingehen.

Jacques and Geoff watch, excited by the stand-off. Neither
understands a word.

Meanwhile Marianne gets through to Hermann.

MARIANNE (CONT’D)
Aber wissen Sie was: Die GANZE WELT
schaut hierher. Auf unser München.
Und SIE helfen maßgeblich dabei, es
möglich zu machen.

Hermann brightens. Pride in his gaze.

Geoff pats Jacques on the shoulder.

GEOFF
You got this, right?


INT. HALLWAY, CORRIDOR - NIGHT

Hermann leads Marianne and Jacques through the corridors. The
place is now completely empty, except for a cleaning man
wiping the floors.

Hermann unlocks a door, signals Marianne and Jacques to wait
and disappears in the storage room.

Dimly lit. Marianne lights a cigarette and opens the studio
back door. A gentle breeze blows in.

Hermann exits the supply room, cables in hand.

JACQUES
(plasters on a smile)
Merci!

The German nods - when suddenly there’s an unusual noise:

TACK-TACK-TACK.

Mechanical clatter in the dark. Muffled. Far away. Scary.

Jacques, Hermann and Marianne pause. Listen.

Then again:

TACK-TACK.

Silence.

Jacques and Marianne exchange a look.

JACQUES (CONT’D)
Were those... shots?

Hermann waves it off. Shakes head at Marianne.

HERMANN
Sag dem Franzosen, dass ich noch
ganz genau weiß wie sich Schüsse
anhören.

Marianne stares out into the night.

We follow her gaze. Our eyes take a second to adjust to the
dark.

Then the Olympic Tower rises from the shadows. Its television
antennas soar high into the blackened night sky.

Fade in main title:




SEPTEMBER 5
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In a dimly lit corridor, Hermann vents his frustrations about the pressures of hosting the Olympics, but Marianne's encouragement lifts his spirits as she emphasizes his vital role in the event. Their conversation is interrupted by a mysterious noise, causing unease among the group. While Hermann dismisses the sound, claiming familiarity with gunshots, Marianne gazes out at the ominous Olympic Tower, leaving an unsettling tension in the air.
Strengths
  • Effective tension-building
  • Multilingual dialogue adds depth
  • Strong character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development
  • Some pacing issues

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively builds tension and mystery through the use of sound and dialogue, creating a compelling atmosphere. The multilingual exchange adds depth to the characters and setting, enhancing the overall impact.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of cultural clash, tension, and pride in the context of the Munich Olympics is well-developed and effectively portrayed. The scene effectively explores the complexities of the characters' motivations and interactions.

Plot: 8

The plot progresses through the tension and mystery surrounding the shots in the dark, adding depth to the overall narrative of the Munich Olympics. The scene contributes to the development of the setting and character dynamics.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh approach to cultural pride and potential danger, with authentic character actions and dialogue that add to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters are well-defined through their interactions and reactions to the mysterious sounds, showcasing their pride, tension, and cultural differences. The scene effectively develops the characters' motivations and relationships.

Character Changes: 7

While there are subtle shifts in the characters' perceptions and interactions, the scene primarily focuses on establishing their dynamics and motivations. The tension and mystery contribute to the characters' development.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to convince Hermann of the importance and impact of hosting the Olympics in Munich. This reflects Marianne's desire to show appreciation for Hermann's contribution and to ensure the success of the event.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to navigate the tense situation and potential danger of hearing mysterious noises in the dark hallway. This reflects the immediate challenge of ensuring safety and understanding the situation.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict in the scene is primarily driven by the mysterious sounds of shots in the dark, creating tension and uncertainty among the characters. The cultural clash and pride add layers to the conflict.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the potential danger of the mysterious noises creating uncertainty and conflict.

High Stakes: 8

The high stakes are established through the mysterious sounds of shots in the dark, creating a sense of danger and uncertainty for the characters. The cultural clash and pride add complexity to the stakes.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by deepening the setting and character relationships, adding layers of tension and mystery to the narrative. The shots in the dark introduce a new element of conflict and uncertainty.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable due to the mysterious noises and potential danger, keeping the audience on edge.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict is between Hermann's dismissive attitude towards potential danger and Marianne's concern for safety. This challenges Marianne's values of responsibility and caution.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7.5

The scene evokes a sense of tension and mystery, drawing the audience into the characters' experiences. The emotional impact is heightened by the cultural dynamics and the unknown threat of the shots in the dark.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue effectively conveys the tension and cultural clash between the characters, adding depth to their interactions. The multilingual exchange enhances the authenticity of the setting and characters.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to the tension, mystery, and cultural elements that keep the audience intrigued.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to the expected format for the genre, effectively conveying the setting and character actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format that effectively builds tension and transitions between locations.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the tension between Hermann's frustrations and Marianne's attempts to uplift him, showcasing the emotional stakes of the Olympics. However, the dialogue could benefit from more clarity for the audience, as the majority is in German without translation, which may alienate non-German speaking viewers.
  • The use of Hermann's rant serves to highlight the pressures faced by the German hosts, but it could be more impactful if it were interspersed with reactions from Jacques and Geoff. Their excitement at the stand-off is noted, but their lack of understanding of the language could be emphasized further to create a stronger contrast between the emotional weight of Hermann's words and their confusion.
  • The introduction of the mysterious noise adds an element of suspense, but it feels somewhat abrupt. Building up to this moment with more foreshadowing or a gradual increase in tension could enhance the impact of the sound and the characters' reactions.
  • The transition from Hermann's rant to the hallway scene is a bit jarring. A smoother transition could help maintain the flow of the narrative. Perhaps a brief moment of silence after Hermann's outburst before cutting to the hallway could create a more cohesive experience.
  • The visual imagery of the Olympic Tower at the end is striking, but it could be more thematically connected to the preceding dialogue. A line or two that ties Hermann's frustrations to the grandeur of the Olympics could deepen the thematic resonance of the scene.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding subtitles or a brief summary of Hermann's rant to ensure all viewers understand the emotional weight of his words, regardless of their language skills.
  • Incorporate more physical reactions from Jacques and Geoff during Hermann's rant to emphasize their confusion and the tension in the room, which could enhance the comedic undertone of the scene.
  • Build suspense leading up to the noise by incorporating subtle hints or visual cues that something is amiss, such as flickering lights or distant sounds, to create a more immersive atmosphere.
  • Smooth the transition between Hermann's rant and the hallway scene by including a moment of silence or a shared look between characters that reflects the weight of the conversation before moving on.
  • Strengthen the connection between the Olympic Tower's imagery and the themes of pressure and expectation by including a line that reflects on the significance of the games in light of Hermann's frustrations.



Scene 10 - Echoes of Gunfire
INT. VTR ROOM - NIGHT

A RED LIGHT flashes on a phone.

Geoff doesn’t notice it. He’s hard at work editing. Rewinding
an atomic bomb explosion. The mushroom shrinks in on itself.

All we hear is the music in his headphones.

At last, Geoff sees the light, takes off his headphones. Now
we hear the phone RINGING. He picks it up.

GEOFF
ABC. Mason.

He listens. Raises an eyebrow. Skeptical.

GEOFF (CONT’D)
No, we haven’t heard anything.
(beat)
Sure, I’ll let you know, Mr. Moore.
Thank you.

Geoff exits.


INT. HALLWAY - NIGHT

Sees Marianne and Jacques coming towards him.

GEOFF
Weird. Kenny Moore just called.

JACQUES
The marathon runner?

GEOFF
Yeah. He wanted to know if we heard
gunfire.

Jacques’ eyes widen.

JACQUES
We heard that, too.

GEOFF
What? Wait, what did you hear?

MARIANNE
Gunshots. In the distance.

No one says anything.

Then finally:


GEOFF
Maybe we should call the police?
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In a dimly lit VTR room, Geoff is editing footage of an atomic bomb explosion when he receives a call from Kenny Moore asking about reports of gunfire. Concerned, he shares this alarming news with Marianne and Jacques, who both confirm they also heard gunshots in the distance. The tension escalates as they contemplate the urgency of the situation, leading Geoff to suggest they call the police, leaving the scene unresolved and filled with suspense.
Strengths
  • Building tension
  • Creating suspense
  • Engaging dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development
  • Lack of resolution to the mystery

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively establishes a sense of suspense and intrigue through the phone call and the characters' reactions, keeping the audience engaged and curious about the unfolding events.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of introducing the element of danger through the phone call about gunshots is intriguing and adds depth to the overall narrative.

Plot: 8.5

The plot is advanced effectively through the introduction of the mysterious gunshots, setting up a compelling conflict and raising the stakes for the characters.

Originality: 7

The scene introduces a familiar situation of potential danger but adds a unique twist with the focus on video editing and the characters' reactions.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters' reactions to the phone call and their interactions with each other add depth and tension to the scene, showcasing their concerns and skepticism.

Character Changes: 7

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the introduction of the mysterious gunshots sets the stage for potential character development in future scenes.

Internal Goal: 8

Geoff's internal goal in this scene is to maintain composure and professionalism in the face of potential danger. This reflects his need for control and safety.

External Goal: 7

Geoff's external goal is to assess the situation and decide whether to involve the police. This reflects the immediate challenge of potential danger and uncertainty.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, as the characters grapple with the implications of the gunshots and the potential danger they represent.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create uncertainty and drive the plot forward, with the characters facing a potential threat.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in the scene due to the potential danger indicated by the gunshots, creating a sense of urgency and tension.

Story Forward: 8

The scene effectively moves the story forward by introducing a new element of danger and uncertainty, setting up future conflicts and developments.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected phone call and the characters' reactions to the news of gunfire.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between the desire for safety and the fear of overreacting. Geoff must balance the need to protect himself and his colleagues with the risk of causing unnecessary panic.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene has a strong emotional impact due to the sense of unease and concern created by the phone call about gunshots, engaging the audience on an emotional level.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue effectively conveys the characters' emotions and concerns, adding to the overall suspense and mystery of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the suspenseful atmosphere, subtle character interactions, and the potential danger introduced.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, building tension gradually and keeping the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and easy to follow, adhering to the expected format for a screenplay.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with a setup, conflict, and resolution, fitting the expected format for a suspenseful scene.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension by introducing the phone call about gunfire, which serves as a catalyst for the characters' reactions. However, the initial focus on Geoff editing an atomic bomb explosion could be more thematically connected to the unfolding events, as it feels somewhat disconnected from the immediate urgency of the gunfire.
  • Geoff's skepticism when he receives the call from Kenny Moore is a nice touch, as it establishes his character's demeanor. However, the dialogue could be enhanced to reflect more of his internal conflict or concern about the situation, rather than just a straightforward response.
  • The pacing of the scene is generally good, but the transition from Geoff's solitary work to the interaction with Marianne and Jacques could be smoother. A brief moment of reflection or a visual cue could help bridge the two parts of the scene more effectively.
  • The dialogue among Geoff, Marianne, and Jacques is realistic, but it lacks a sense of urgency that would be expected in a situation where gunfire is reported. Adding more emotional weight or urgency to their exchanges could heighten the tension and make the stakes feel more immediate.
  • The scene ends with a suggestion to call the police, which is a logical response, but it could be more impactful if it were delivered with a sense of urgency or fear. This would better reflect the gravity of the situation and the characters' emotional states.
Suggestions
  • Consider integrating the theme of the atomic bomb explosion more closely with the gunfire incident. Perhaps Geoff could have a moment of realization about the implications of violence, drawing a parallel between the two events.
  • Enhance Geoff's internal conflict by adding a line or two that reflects his concern or disbelief about the gunfire, making his character more relatable and engaged with the unfolding crisis.
  • Smooth the transition between Geoff's editing and the hallway interaction by including a brief moment where he reflects on the footage he was working on, perhaps hinting at the gravity of the situation he is about to face.
  • Infuse the dialogue with a greater sense of urgency. For example, when Jacques reveals he heard gunshots, he could express fear or concern, prompting a more immediate reaction from Geoff and Marianne.
  • Revise the final line to convey a stronger emotional response. Instead of a simple suggestion to call the police, Geoff could express panic or urgency, emphasizing the seriousness of the situation and the need for immediate action.



Scene 11 - Urgent Inquiry
INT. CONTROL ROOM - NIGHT

Geoff hands Marianne a phone. She dials.

MARIANNE
Ja hallo, mein Name ist Marianne
Gebhardt, ich rufe aus dem Studio
der ABC an. Wir haben hier Schüsse
gehört...
(listens)
Wissen Sie bereits Näheres?
(listens)
Verstehe. Danke.

She hangs up. Geoff eyes her eagerly.

MARIANNE (CONT’D)
Police already received several
calls and are investigating the
matter.

GEOFF
And?

MARIANNE
That’s all they said.
(thinks)
The only ones working this late are
the radio people. I could walk over
to Bayerischer Rundfunk. See what
they know.

Geoff nods: great. He grabs a walkie talkie from the table
and hands it to her.

GEOFF
Do you know how these work?

MARIANNE
(flicks on the walkie)
I’m on channel two.

She heads out the door.


INT. HALLWAY - NIGHT

Marianne hurries along, almost collides into ABC Intern/
Runner, GARY SLAUGHTER (20), headphones over ears.

GARY
Sorry!

Marianne sees the portable radio in his hands.


MARIANNE
Hey, can I borrow that?
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In a tense night scene within a control room, Marianne receives a call from Geoff about nearby gunshots. After confirming that the police are already on the case, she decides to head to Bayerischer Rundfunk for more information. As she prepares to leave, she nearly bumps into Gary, an intern, and asks to borrow his portable radio to aid in her investigation.
Strengths
  • Effective tension-building
  • Engaging investigative plotline
  • Realistic character interactions
Weaknesses
  • Limited dialogue depth
  • Slightly predictable investigative actions

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.2

The scene effectively builds tension and suspense through Marianne's investigative actions, keeping the audience engaged and curious about the unfolding events.


Story Content

Concept: 8.3

The concept of Marianne taking the initiative to investigate the gunshots adds depth to the narrative and introduces a new layer of mystery and tension. It enhances the overall plot progression and character development.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene revolves around Marianne's investigation into the gunshots, setting up a potential conflict and raising the stakes for the characters. It moves the story forward by introducing a new element of suspense and intrigue.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a compelling mystery and dynamic characters, offering a fresh take on the investigative thriller genre. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 8.2

Marianne's proactive and curious nature shines through in this scene, showcasing her determination and investigative skills. The interaction with Gary also adds a touch of realism and human connection.

Character Changes: 7

Marianne's character undergoes a subtle change as she takes on the role of an investigator, showcasing her proactive nature and determination. This sets her up for potential growth and development in future scenes.

Internal Goal: 8

Marianne's internal goal is to uncover the truth behind the gunshots and police investigation. This reflects her desire for justice and her need to protect those around her.

External Goal: 7

Marianne's external goal is to gather information from Bayerischer Rundfunk about the gunshots and police investigation. This reflects the immediate challenge she faces in solving the mystery.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7.8

The level of conflict in the scene is moderate, primarily driven by the mystery surrounding the gunshots and Marianne's proactive investigation. The potential danger hinted at by the gunshots adds to the overall tension.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Marianne facing obstacles in her investigation and potential danger in uncovering the truth. The audience is left uncertain of the outcome.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are raised by the mysterious gunshots and Marianne's decision to investigate, hinting at potential danger and conflict. The outcome of her investigation could have significant consequences for the characters.

Story Forward: 8

The scene effectively moves the story forward by introducing a new element of mystery and intrigue through Marianne's investigation. It sets up potential conflicts and plot developments that will impact the narrative.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists and turns in the investigation. The audience is kept on their toes, unsure of what will happen next.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

There is a philosophical conflict between the need for truth and justice, and the potential danger Marianne faces in investigating the situation. This challenges her beliefs about the importance of honesty and integrity.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7.5

The scene evokes a sense of concern and curiosity in the audience, drawing them into the mystery surrounding the gunshots and Marianne's investigation. The escalating tension adds to the emotional impact.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue is straightforward and serves the purpose of advancing the investigation plotline. It effectively conveys the urgency and concern of the characters in response to the mysterious gunshots.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its fast-paced action, realistic dialogue, and intriguing mystery. The audience is drawn into the characters' investigation and eager to uncover the truth.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a balance of action and dialogue that keeps the audience engaged. The rhythm of the scene contributes to its effectiveness in building tension and suspense.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings and character actions. The formatting enhances the readability and flow of the screenplay.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with well-defined character goals and obstacles. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the scene's effectiveness in building tension and suspense.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension by following the previous scene's urgency regarding the gunshots. However, the dialogue could be more dynamic. Currently, it feels somewhat procedural, which may detract from the emotional weight of the situation. Adding more urgency or emotional stakes to the dialogue could enhance the tension.
  • Marianne's character is portrayed as proactive, which is great, but her dialogue could reflect more of her emotional state. Given the context of gunshots being heard, she might express more concern or urgency in her tone, which would help the audience connect with her anxiety about the situation.
  • The transition from the control room to the hallway is somewhat abrupt. A brief moment of reflection or a visual cue that emphasizes the gravity of the situation could enhance the flow. For example, a close-up of Geoff's worried expression before Marianne leaves could heighten the tension.
  • The introduction of Gary Slaughter feels a bit abrupt and could benefit from a smoother integration. Perhaps a brief moment where Marianne acknowledges the chaos around her or a quick exchange with Gary could provide a more seamless transition and add depth to the environment.
  • The use of the walkie-talkie is a good plot device, but it could be more visually emphasized. Perhaps showing Geoff demonstrating how to use it or a moment of hesitation from Marianne could add to the tension and highlight the stakes of communication in a crisis.
Suggestions
  • Revise the dialogue to include more emotional stakes, perhaps by having Marianne express her concern or fear about the situation more explicitly.
  • Consider adding a moment of reflection for Geoff before Marianne leaves, emphasizing his worry and the gravity of the situation.
  • Integrate Gary's character more smoothly into the scene by including a brief exchange that highlights the chaos of the environment.
  • Enhance the visual storytelling by showing Geoff demonstrating the walkie-talkie or Marianne hesitating before using it, which could add to the tension.
  • Explore the possibility of including ambient sounds or visuals that reflect the tension outside the control room, such as distant sirens or the atmosphere of urgency, to ground the scene in the unfolding crisis.



Scene 12 - Tension in the Control Room
INT. CONTROL ROOM - NIGHT

Geoff sits behind the console. Jacques calls out from behind
the monitor wall.

JACQUES
Still getting dropouts?

GEOFF
Yes.

JACQUES
How often?

GEOFF
(looks at black monitor)
Constantly. Can’t we-

Gary enters. Geoff turns to him.

GEOFF (CONT’D)
Did you hear shots being fired?

GARY
What? No.

GEOFF
(to Jacques)
Maybe it was fireworks? Or, what
did it sound like?

JACQUES
It sounded like gunfire, Geoff.

GARY
...what’s going on?

The walkie crackles. Geoff snatches it. Jacques steps forward
to listen.

GEOFF
(into walkie)
You there yet?

MARIANNE
(over walkie, sirens in
the background)
No, I’m walking over the bridge.
But I can see dozens of police cars
already.

GEOFF
What!? Driving into the village?


MARIANNE
Yes. Whatever happened, it happened
here.

Geoff puts down the walkie. Stunned: this is really
happening. Gunfire. At the Olympics.

Then remembers he has a job to do.

GEOFF
I have to wake Bader.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In a tense control room at night, Geoff and Jacques discuss alarming reports of gunfire, while Gary expresses confusion about the situation. Marianne, communicating via walkie-talkie, informs them of police cars heading into the village, escalating the urgency. Realizing the seriousness of the unfolding crisis, Geoff resolves to wake Bader, signaling a shift towards action.
Strengths
  • Effective tension-building
  • Realistic character reactions
  • High stakes and urgency
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development
  • Some dialogue could be more impactful

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively builds tension and suspense through the revelation of gunfire at the Olympics, keeping the audience engaged and curious about the unfolding events.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of introducing a sudden crisis at the Olympics adds depth and complexity to the storyline, showcasing the impact of real-world events on the characters.

Plot: 8.5

The plot is advanced significantly by the introduction of gunfire at the Olympics, setting the stage for further developments and raising the stakes for the characters.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh and unexpected situation within a familiar setting, adding authenticity to the characters' responses and actions. The dialogue feels natural and realistic, contributing to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters react realistically to the crisis, showcasing their concern and determination in the face of unexpected danger.

Character Changes: 7

While there is not significant character development in this scene, the characters' reactions to the crisis reveal new facets of their personalities.

Internal Goal: 8

Geoff's internal goal in this scene is to process and come to terms with the shocking events unfolding around him. His need for understanding and control in a chaotic situation reflects his deeper desire for stability and safety.

External Goal: 7

Geoff's external goal is to fulfill his duty and wake up Bader, indicating his responsibility and commitment to his job despite the unexpected circumstances.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The level of conflict is high due to the presence of gunfire at the Olympics, creating a sense of danger and uncertainty for the characters.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the characters facing unexpected challenges and obstacles that add complexity to the narrative. The uncertainty of the situation creates a sense of tension and conflict that drives the scene forward.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in this scene due to the presence of gunfire at the Olympics, putting the characters in a dangerous and uncertain situation.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by introducing a major plot development that will have lasting consequences for the characters and the narrative.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it introduces unexpected events and challenges for the characters, leaving the audience unsure of how the situation will unfold. The element of gunfire at the Olympics adds a layer of unpredictability to the scene.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the clash between the normalcy of the control room setting and the sudden intrusion of violence and danger from the outside world. This challenges Geoff's beliefs about the nature of his work and the world around him.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene has a strong emotional impact due to the shock and concern of the characters in response to the gunfire, engaging the audience on a visceral level.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue effectively conveys the urgency and shock of the situation, enhancing the tension in the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it immerses the audience in a high-stakes situation with well-developed characters and realistic dialogue. The unfolding events create suspense and intrigue, keeping the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a gradual build-up of tension and suspense that keeps the audience engaged. The rhythm of the dialogue and character interactions enhances the scene's effectiveness in conveying the urgency of the situation.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene adheres to the expected format for its genre, with clear and concise descriptions of the setting and character actions. The dialogue is formatted in a way that enhances the flow of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear and engaging structure that effectively builds tension and suspense. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the scene's effectiveness in conveying the urgency of the situation.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension by introducing the possibility of gunfire during a high-stakes event like the Olympics. The dialogue between Geoff, Jacques, and Gary establishes a sense of urgency and confusion, which is appropriate given the context.
  • Geoff's character is portrayed as focused and responsible, but the scene could benefit from deeper emotional stakes. While he reacts to the news of gunfire, there is little exploration of his internal conflict or fear about the implications of such an event. Adding a moment of reflection or a visceral reaction could enhance the emotional weight.
  • The use of the walkie-talkie to communicate with Marianne is a strong choice, as it adds realism to the scene. However, the transition from the conversation with Gary to the walkie-talkie could be smoother. A brief moment of silence or a visual cue could help emphasize the shift in focus.
  • The dialogue is functional but lacks distinct character voices. Each character's speech patterns and word choices could be more varied to reflect their personalities. For instance, Jacques could use more technical jargon to emphasize his expertise, while Gary might have a more casual tone.
  • The scene ends abruptly with Geoff's decision to wake Bader. While this is a logical next step, it feels somewhat rushed. A moment of hesitation or a brief exchange with Jacques or Gary could provide a more satisfying conclusion to the scene.
Suggestions
  • Incorporate a moment of internal reflection for Geoff after he hears about the gunfire. This could be a brief flashback or a thought that reveals his personal stakes in the situation.
  • Enhance the dialogue by giving each character a unique voice. Consider their backgrounds and roles within the team to inform their speech patterns and vocabulary.
  • Add a visual cue or sound effect to signify the transition from the conversation with Gary to the walkie-talkie communication with Marianne, enhancing the scene's flow.
  • Consider extending the scene slightly to allow for a more gradual build-up to Geoff's decision to wake Bader. This could involve a brief discussion with Jacques or a moment of shared concern with Gary.
  • Explore the setting more vividly. Describe the control room's atmosphere, the sounds of the equipment, or the tension in the air to immerse the audience further into the scene.



Scene 13 - Awakening to Crisis
INT. STORAGE ROOM - DAWN

Bader lies on a cot, asleep.

The door flings opens. Light slashes into the dark room,
startling Bader awake.

GEOFF
Marv! Get up! There’s been-

BADER
What the hell, Geoff? I’m-

GEOFF
Shots were fired in the Olympic
Village! Fucking shots!

Bader shoots up. Wide awake now.

BADER
What? You serious?

GEOFF
Yeah. There’s a ton of police and--

The walkie in Geoff’s hand crackles:

MARIANNE
Can you hear me?

GEOFF
(into walkie)
Listening.

MARIANNE
The phones won’t stop at the
Rundfunk. A friend here heard the
shots were fired in the Israelis’
apartments.

Bader grabs Geoff’s walkie:

BADER
This is Bader. What are we talking
about here? Is anyone hurt?


MARIANNE
Rumor is hostage taking.

BADER
What? Who?

MARIANNE
I don’t know. But the BR will say
something on their 6 o'clock news.

Geoff and Bader look simultaneously at their watches: 05:50.

BADER
(to Geoff)
Go to the control room and call
Roone.

GEOFF
Roone? I thought...

BADER
Call him! I’ll get Jennings!

Bader reaches for the nearest phone. Geoff rushes to the
door, grabbing a radio on the way.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary As dawn breaks, Bader is abruptly awakened by Geoff, who brings alarming news of gunfire in the Olympic Village and rumors of hostage-taking involving Israelis. The tension escalates as Bader takes charge, instructing Geoff to contact Roone while he attempts to reach Jennings. The scene captures the urgency and chaos of the unfolding situation, with the dimly lit storage room contrasting sharply with the harsh reality of the crisis outside.
Strengths
  • Building tension
  • Effective pacing
  • Authentic character reactions
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development
  • Some dialogue could be more impactful

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys a sense of urgency and danger, keeping the audience engaged and eager to see how the situation unfolds.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of escalating danger and uncertainty in the Olympic Village adds depth to the overall narrative and raises the stakes for the characters.

Plot: 8.5

The plot advances significantly as the characters respond to the news of the potential hostage situation, setting the stage for further developments.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh and intense situation with the potential for hostage-taking in the Olympic Village. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and contribute to the suspenseful atmosphere.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters react authentically to the unfolding crisis, showcasing their individual personalities and motivations.

Character Changes: 7

While there is not significant character development in this scene, the characters' reactions to the crisis reveal aspects of their personalities.

Internal Goal: 8

Bader's internal goal is to ensure the safety and security of the people in the Olympic Village. This reflects his deeper need for protection and responsibility.

External Goal: 9

Bader's external goal is to respond to the reported shots fired in the Olympic Village and potentially a hostage situation. This reflects the immediate challenge he is facing in maintaining order and safety.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The level of conflict is high as the characters grapple with the news of shots fired and the potential hostage situation, creating intense drama.

Opposition: 8

The strong opposition in the scene comes from the reported shots fired in the Olympic Village, creating a sense of danger and uncertainty for the characters.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high as the characters face the possibility of a hostage situation during the Olympic Games, adding intense drama to the narrative.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by introducing a major conflict and setting the stage for further developments.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the sudden and unexpected development of shots fired in the Olympic Village, leading to a potential hostage situation.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the value of human life and the responsibility to protect others. Bader must navigate the ethical implications of potential hostage-taking and violence.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene elicits fear, concern, and alertness from the audience, drawing them into the unfolding crisis.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue is concise and serves to convey crucial information and emotions, driving the scene forward effectively.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its fast-paced dialogue, high stakes, and sense of urgency. The audience is immediately drawn into the tense situation.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and on edge.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of the scene is clear and concise, following the expected format for a screenplay in this genre.

Structure: 9

The scene follows the expected structure for a suspenseful and action-driven sequence, with clear pacing and escalation of tension.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes a sense of urgency and tension with the abrupt awakening of Bader and the alarming news of shots fired. This creates an immediate hook for the audience, drawing them into the unfolding crisis.
  • The dialogue is sharp and conveys the gravity of the situation without unnecessary exposition. Geoff's frantic energy contrasts well with Bader's initial confusion, showcasing their different responses to the crisis.
  • The use of the walkie-talkie as a communication device adds a layer of realism and immediacy to the scene. However, the transition between Geoff and Marianne's dialogue could be smoother to maintain the flow of information.
  • The pacing is effective, with a quick escalation from sleep to alertness, but the scene could benefit from a brief moment of reflection or a visual cue that emphasizes the gravity of the situation before diving into action.
  • The scene lacks a strong visual description of the setting. While the storage room is mentioned, adding details about its contents or atmosphere could enhance the tension and help the audience visualize the urgency of the moment.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment where Bader processes the shocking news before jumping into action. This could heighten the emotional stakes and allow the audience to connect with his character.
  • Enhance the visual description of the storage room to create a more immersive experience. For example, describe the dim lighting, clutter, or any items that might symbolize the chaos of the situation.
  • Make the transition between Geoff and Marianne's dialogue more fluid. Perhaps include a brief pause or a visual cue that indicates the urgency of the situation before Marianne speaks.
  • Incorporate a line or two that reflects Bader's thoughts or feelings about the situation, adding depth to his character and showing how the crisis impacts him personally.
  • Consider ending the scene with a strong visual or auditory cue that emphasizes the urgency, such as the sound of sirens approaching or a visual of the Olympic Village in chaos, to leave the audience with a lingering sense of tension.



Scene 14 - Crisis in the Control Room
INT. CONTROL ROOM - DAY

Geoff returns, hands Jacques the radio.

GEOFF
Tune in on BR.

He picks up the phone. Dials. Puts it on a phone amplifier.

RECEPTIONIST
Sheraton München. Was kann ich für
Sie tun?

GEOFF
I need to speak to Roone Arledge,
right away.

RECEPTIONIST
Mr. Arledge asked we block his
calls until-

GEOFF
Trust me, Mr Arledge wants to be
woken up for this.

The Receptionist hesitates.

GEOFF (CONT’D)
I need you to connect me. Now.


RECEPTIONIST
One moment, please.

More rings. Taking forever.

We hear Roone’s deep voice.

ROONE
(throat cleared, into
phone)
I said not to disturb me.

GEOFF
There’s a hostage situation in the
Olympic Village right now.

ROONE
What’re you talking about?

GEOFF
A hostage situation. And it gets
worse. Word is it’s in the
Israelis’ quarters.

ROONE
(long beat, then)
Is this confirmed?

GEOFF
No, but--

Jacques turns up the volume on the radio. A jingle announces
the news.

GEOFF (CONT’D)
They’re about to say something on
the radio now.

Geoff wants to make sure Roone can hear. He holds the phone
towards the radio’s speakers.

NEWS REPORTER
Guten Morgen meine Damen und
Herren, die Sechs-Uhr-Nachrichten.

The door opens. Bader, visibly exhausted, puts on his
glasses. Runs a hand through his hair. Listens.

The newscaster’s serious voice is a bad omen.

Geoff picks up the walkie:

GEOFF
Mary-Ann, can you translate this?

MARIANNE
Sure, let me check my radio.


Geoff now holds the walkie in one hand, the phone receiver in
the other. He shrugs, puts them together. Now Marianne’s
voice and the radio crackle simultaneously.

NEWS REPORTER MARIANNE (CONT’D)
.... erreichen uns immer mehr There have been reports of
Meldungen, dass es einen shots being fired inside the
Schusswechsel innerhalb des Olympic Village.
Olympischen Dorfes gab.

Everyone hangs on Marianne’s words.

NEWS REPORTER (CONT’D) MARIANNE (CONT’D)
Von der Polizei noch nicht Reports that have not yet
bestätigte Meldungen besagen, been confirmed by the police
dass es zu einem Überfall von say that the Israeli team may
sogenannten Terroristen auf have been attacked by so-
die israelische Mannschaft called terrorists.
gekommen sein könnte.

Breathless seconds pass.

ROONE
I’ll be there in 20.

CLICK. Roone’s already hung up.

Geoff and Bader look at each other.

BADER
Get the crew in.

Geoff nods and reaches for the phone again.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In a tense control room, Geoff urgently contacts Roone Arledge to inform him of a hostage situation involving the Israeli team in the Olympic Village. Despite initial resistance from the receptionist, Geoff connects with Roone, who becomes serious upon hearing the news. As Jacques tunes in the radio, a report confirms shots fired, escalating the urgency. Roone agrees to come to the control room, and Bader instructs Geoff to prepare the crew for the unfolding crisis.
Strengths
  • Effective tension-building
  • Realistic character reactions
  • Sharp dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Potential lack of character development in the scene
  • Limited visual elements

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively builds tension and urgency through the dialogue and actions of the characters, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the unfolding crisis. The pacing is well-executed, and the stakes are high, driving the narrative forward.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene, focusing on a sudden crisis and the characters' response to it, is engaging and well-executed. The scene effectively sets up the next stage of the story and raises the stakes for the characters.

Plot: 8.5

The plot of the scene is crucial in advancing the story, introducing a major conflict that will drive the narrative forward. The scene is pivotal in setting up the next series of events and increasing the tension.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a high-stakes hostage situation in a unique setting, with characters making quick decisions and mobilizing resources in response to the crisis. The dialogue feels authentic and drives the narrative forward effectively.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters in the scene react realistically to the crisis, showing a range of emotions and motivations. Their actions and decisions drive the plot forward and create conflict and suspense.

Character Changes: 8

The characters undergo a significant change in their priorities and actions as they respond to the crisis, showing growth and adaptation in the face of danger.

Internal Goal: 8

Geoff's internal goal is to ensure that Roone Arledge, who seems to be a person of authority or importance, is informed about the hostage situation in the Olympic Village. This reflects Geoff's desire to handle the crisis effectively and make sure the right people are involved.

External Goal: 9

Geoff's external goal is to get Roone Arledge involved in the response to the hostage situation and to mobilize the necessary resources to address the crisis. This reflects the immediate challenge of managing a high-stakes situation.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The level of conflict in the scene is high, with the characters facing a sudden and dangerous situation that requires immediate action. The tension between characters and the external threat add to the conflict.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene comes from Roone's initial resistance to being disturbed and the uncertainty surrounding the hostage situation. This adds complexity and suspense to the characters' actions.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes in the scene are extremely high, with the characters facing a life-threatening situation that could have far-reaching consequences. The urgency and danger raise the stakes for everyone involved.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward significantly, introducing a major conflict and setting the stage for the next series of events. The crisis escalates the narrative and increases the tension.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists and turns in the characters' responses to the crisis. The audience is kept on edge as new information is revealed and decisions are made.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the decision-making process in a crisis situation. Geoff believes it is crucial to inform Roone immediately, while Roone initially resists being disturbed. This challenges Geoff's values of urgency and proactive action.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene has a strong emotional impact, eliciting feelings of concern, shock, and anxiety in both the characters and the audience. The high stakes and urgent tone heighten the emotional intensity.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene is sharp, concise, and impactful, conveying crucial information and emotions effectively. The urgency and tension are heightened through the characters' exchanges.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its high-stakes situation, fast-paced dialogue, and suspenseful atmosphere. The audience is drawn into the urgency of the characters' actions and decisions.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a sense of urgency and tension building throughout. The rhythm of the dialogue and action keeps the audience engaged and invested in the outcome.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings, dialogue formatting, and action descriptions. The formatting enhances the readability and impact of the scene.

Structure: 9

The scene follows a clear structure, with a buildup of tension, a revelation of new information, and a decisive action taken by the characters. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the effectiveness of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension and urgency, reflecting the gravity of the situation with the hostage crisis. The dialogue is sharp and conveys the characters' anxiety well, particularly Geoff's frantic demeanor as he tries to reach Roone.
  • The use of simultaneous dialogue between the news reporter and Marianne is a strong choice, as it heightens the tension and allows the audience to experience the unfolding crisis in real-time. However, the transition between the two voices could be clearer to avoid confusion.
  • Geoff's character is well-established as proactive and determined, but there could be more emotional depth to his reactions. Adding a moment of hesitation or fear could enhance the stakes and make the audience connect more with his character.
  • The pacing of the scene is mostly effective, but the moment where Roone hangs up could be more impactful. Instead of just a 'CLICK,' consider adding a brief pause or a line that emphasizes the weight of the situation before he disconnects.
  • The introduction of Bader is effective, but his entrance could be more dramatic. Perhaps he could overhear part of the conversation or react to the news report before fully entering the scene, which would enhance the sense of urgency.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief internal monologue for Geoff to express his fears or doubts about the situation, which would deepen his character and engage the audience emotionally.
  • Clarify the transition between the news report and Marianne's translation by using visual cues or sound design, such as fading the radio volume slightly or using a split-screen effect to show both characters simultaneously.
  • Enhance the dramatic impact of Roone's response by including a line that reflects his concern or disbelief before he agrees to come to the control room, making his character more relatable.
  • Explore the dynamics between Geoff and Bader further. Perhaps include a moment where Bader expresses his own fears or frustrations about the situation, which would add depth to their relationship.
  • Consider ending the scene with a more dramatic visual or auditory cue, such as the sound of a distant siren or a close-up of Geoff's anxious expression, to leave the audience with a lingering sense of tension.



Scene 15 - Breaking News: Crisis at the Olympic Village
INT. HALLWAY - DAY

Through a cloud of nicotine we follow a tall, good-looking
man down the hall. A certain confidence in his attitude.

PETER JENNINGS (34) is the only reporter from the ABC News
division on the Sports crew here, one who believes being a
newscaster is a noble and truly important role in society.


INT. CONTROL ROOM - DAY

The mood here has changed. The air’s electric.

Geoff speaks eagerly into the phone.

GEOFF
Grab as many as possible. Priority
are camera ops. Bus leaves in 10.
And make sure you get Carter.

He hangs up as Jennings enters.


JENNINGS
Is it confirmed yet?

GEOFF
Yes. Definitely shots, definitely
the Israelis.

JENNINGS
And this is from...?

GEOFF
The German radio.

JENNINGS
We can’t quote another station?
Second source?

GEOFF
Um...

Suddenly, there’s a rattle from the AP Wire.

Gary moves to the teleprinter. Rips off the paper. Reads:

GARY
“One, Possibly Two, Israeli
Athletes Killed at Olympic Village.
Arab Guerrillas Likely Took
Hostages.”

A beat, as everybody lets this sink in: People are dead.
Murdered. Just a few hundred meters away.

BADER
Peter, what’re we dealing with
here?

JENNINGS
Could be PLO. PFLP.
(beat)
Or worst case Black September.

Bader takes a deep breath. Time to focus.

BADER
(to Jennings)
You know the political background;
you report from the inside.

CUT TO:

A MAP IS SLAMMED DOWN ON A TABLE.

Everyone hunches over it.

JENNINGS
Where are the Israelis housed?


BADER
Connollystrasse 31.

Bader points it out on the map. Jennings taps the building
across from it.

JENNINGS
This should give us a good angle.

The walkie crackles.

MARIANNE
Anyone there? Seems like the police
will seal the Village. Reporters
here are rushing off to get in now.

JENNINGS
Fuck.

He immediately zips out the door.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In a tense control room, Peter Jennings learns of a serious crisis involving Israeli athletes at the Olympic Village, with reports of gunfire and potential casualties. As the team discusses the political implications and confirms the gravity of the situation, urgency escalates when Marianne announces that police will seal off the area. Determined to cover the unfolding story, Jennings rushes out, leaving the team to grapple with the ongoing crisis.
Strengths
  • Tension-building
  • Realistic character reactions
  • Sharp dialogue
  • High stakes
Weaknesses
  • Possible need for more character development in some areas

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.7

The scene effectively builds tension and urgency, with strong character dynamics and high stakes driving the narrative forward.


Story Content

Concept: 8.6

The concept of a terrorist attack during the Olympics is compelling and well-executed, highlighting the ethical dilemmas and challenges faced by journalists in such situations.

Plot: 8.7

The plot is engaging and propels the story forward, setting up the central conflict and raising the stakes for the characters involved.

Originality: 8

The scene presents a fresh approach to the familiar setting of a newsroom, with a focus on a real-life historical event. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters are well-defined and react realistically to the unfolding crisis, showcasing their individual strengths and vulnerabilities.

Character Changes: 9

The characters undergo subtle changes as they confront the crisis, showing growth, resilience, and ethical decision-making under pressure.

Internal Goal: 9

Peter Jennings' internal goal is to report the news accurately and responsibly, reflecting his desire to fulfill his role as a newscaster and his belief in the importance of journalism in society.

External Goal: 8

Peter Jennings' external goal is to cover the unfolding events of the terrorist attack on Israeli athletes at the Olympic Village, reflecting the immediate circumstances and challenges he is facing as a reporter.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The level of conflict is high, with the characters facing a life-threatening situation and ethical dilemmas that challenge their journalistic integrity.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting viewpoints among the characters, ethical dilemmas in reporting the news, and the external threat of the terrorist attack. The audience is kept on edge by the uncertainty of the situation.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high, with lives on the line and ethical decisions to be made under extreme pressure, adding intensity and urgency to the scene.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by introducing a major conflict and raising the stakes for the characters, setting the stage for further developments.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the sudden twists in the news story, the characters' conflicting motivations, and the uncertain outcome of the crisis.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the ethical dilemma of reporting sensitive and potentially harmful information. Peter Jennings questions the reliability of the source and the impact of their reporting on the ongoing crisis.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.8

The scene has a strong emotional impact, evoking fear, concern, and determination in the characters and the audience.

Dialogue: 8.6

The dialogue is sharp, informative, and reflects the urgency of the situation, driving the narrative forward and revealing character dynamics.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its fast-paced action, high stakes, and moral dilemmas. The audience is drawn into the urgency of the situation and the characters' reactions to the unfolding crisis.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and suspense, with quick transitions between action and dialogue sequences. The rhythm of the scene contributes to its overall effectiveness in conveying the urgency of the situation.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of the scene is clear and concise, following the expected format for a screenplay in this genre. The use of scene headings and dialogue tags is effective in guiding the reader.

Structure: 9

The scene follows the expected structure for a tense newsroom setting during a crisis, with clear action and dialogue sequences that build suspense effectively.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the urgency and tension of the unfolding crisis, particularly through the dialogue and the reactions of the characters. However, the transition from the previous scene to this one could be smoother. The abrupt shift from Bader instructing Geoff to get the crew in to Jennings entering the control room feels a bit jarring. A brief moment of reflection or a visual cue could help bridge this gap.
  • The dialogue is generally strong, but Jennings' line about needing a second source feels somewhat redundant given the gravity of the situation. It might be more impactful if Jennings expressed concern in a different way, perhaps by emphasizing the need for immediate action rather than protocol.
  • The introduction of the AP Wire adds a layer of realism, but the pacing slows down when Gary reads the report. This moment could be tightened to maintain the scene's momentum. Instead of a full read, a quick summary or a more visceral reaction from the characters could heighten the tension.
  • The scene does a good job of establishing the stakes with the mention of potential casualties and the involvement of various political groups. However, it could benefit from a bit more character development, particularly for Jennings and Bader. A line or two that reveals their personal stakes or emotional responses to the situation would deepen the audience's connection to them.
  • The visual elements, such as the map being slammed down, are effective in conveying urgency. However, the scene could use more sensory details to enhance the atmosphere. Describing the sounds of the control room, the frantic movements of the crew, or the oppressive weight of the news could create a more immersive experience.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of reflection or a visual transition between the previous scene and this one to create a smoother flow.
  • Revise Jennings' line about needing a second source to reflect a more immediate concern for action rather than protocol, perhaps by emphasizing the urgency of the situation.
  • Tighten the pacing when Gary reads the AP Wire report; consider summarizing the key points or showing the characters' visceral reactions instead of a full read.
  • Incorporate lines that reveal Jennings' and Bader's personal stakes or emotional responses to the crisis to deepen audience connection.
  • Enhance the sensory details in the scene to create a more immersive atmosphere, focusing on sounds, movements, and the emotional weight of the news.



Scene 16 - Urgent Preparations in the Control Room
INT. HALLWAY - DAY

His gait is fast.

At the other end, Roone enters. Instead of his suit, he’s now
in an ABC crew windbreaker, sleeves rolled up.

ROONE
Hey, Peter, what’s the-

JENNINGS
(as he crosses)
Can’t talk. Searching for a
cameraman.

Roone hurries to the control room.


INT. CONTROL ROOM - DAY

Roone steps in, sees how empty it is. Goes to Bader.

ROONE
Where’s the crew?

GEOFF
First shuttle gets here any minute.

ROONE
When’s Jim coming in?

GEOFF
It’s his day off so I didn’t-


ROONE
(to Bader)
We need Jim for this.

Bader nods to Geoff: do it. Geoff dials a number. Quietly
talks into it while Roone continues with Bader.

ROONE (CONT’D)
When do we have the bird today?

BADER
3pm. 10am Eastern.

ROONE
We need the breakfast slot.

BADER
Then you need to sweet-talk CBS.

Roone rolls his eyes.

Geoff covers his phone receiver, calls out to Bader:

GEOFF
Jim is in the pool, doing his
morning laps.

BADER
Who’re you talking to?

GEOFF
His wife.

Bader takes the phone, indicates he’s got it.

BADER
Margaret, it’s Marv. Will you
please be so kind and get him out
of the pool for me?
(beat)
Thanks, I’ll stay on the line.

Jennings comes back in. Accompanied by a Camera Assistant
(BEN, 21) carrying robust, silver cases.

JENNINGS
We’re ready to go, but still no
cameramen here yet.

Roone glares at Geoff, incredulous: you didn’t get the
cameramen here first?

Roone addresses the Camera Assistant.

ROONE
What’s your name?


CAMERA ASSISTANT
Ben.

ROONE
Can you hold a camera, Ben?

Ben nods.

ROONE (CONT’D)
Know how to change film?

BEN
Definitely.

ROONE
(to Jennings)
Ben‘s your cameraman. Go.

Ben is thrilled.

JENNINGS
(about to go, to Roone)
I guess News will want to take over
soon.

ROONE
I’ll talk to them. But right now
Sports is here.

Jennings nods, waves Ben to come with him.

Bader hears a noise on the phone, lifts it to his ear.

BADER
Yes, Margaret, I’m still here. Did-
(beat)
As soon as he can. Thank you so
much. I hope we didn't ruin your-

She’s hung up.

BADER (CONT’D)
Jim’s gonna anchor.

Roone nods to Bader: nice work.

ROONE
(next topic)
We need someone at the press
center.

BADER
I doubt Hans is releasing anything
at this point.


ROONE
Then maybe you should go. You know
him. If anything happens, we need
to be the first to know.

BADER
Alright. Let’s have Geoff
coordinate the setup while I’m
gone.

ROONE
Not on his first day. Where’s
Ohlmeyer?

BADER
Hiking trip in the Alps.

ROONE
Maddocks?

BADER
We keep trying him. No answer. I
mean it’s 5 in the morning.

Roone looks at Geoff, seems this is who he’s stuck with.

ROONE
(starts walking out)
I'll handle CBS and the satellite.
You make sure we have something to
feed that bird.

And with that he’s gone.

Bader turns to Geoff, who’s already planing ahead, excited to
be in charge:

GEOFF
So what do we air?

BADER
Whatever info I get from Hans
Klein.

GEOFF
I’m talking visual. We can’t just
have Jim talking. The footage Ben
shoots on his 16 mil takes twenty
minutes to develop... and we need
live images of what’s going on.

GARY
Can we use that mobile unit? The
guys with the backpack?


GEOFF
They can only do wide-angle. We
need a long lens... I mean it’s
happening right there!

He points at a spot on the map.

They pause, thinking. Then Geoff’s finger starts to move on
the map.

GEOFF (CONT’D)
That’s us, right?...Let’s roll out
one of the studio cams.
(marks another spot)
Place it somewhere over here.
(looks at Bader, excited)
And we get a live shot of the
apartment.

Bader gives a thumbs up: Good thinking.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In a tense and urgent control room, Roone searches for a cameraman as the crew prepares for a live broadcast. He insists on needing Jim, who is off, prompting Geoff to call Jim's wife to get him out of the pool. Jennings arrives with a camera assistant, Ben, whom Roone quickly assigns as the cameraman. Roone and Bader strategize logistics for the upcoming event, ultimately confirming Jim will anchor. The scene concludes with Roone delegating tasks and leaving the control room to manage CBS and the satellite.
Strengths
  • Effective portrayal of urgency and tension
  • Clear character dynamics
  • Engaging plot progression
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development in this specific scene

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys the high stakes and urgency of the situation, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the unfolding events.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene, focusing on the immediate response to a crisis and the coordination of news coverage, is well-executed and engaging.

Plot: 8.5

The plot of the scene is crucial in setting up the coverage of the crisis and advancing the overall narrative of the screenplay.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on the behind-the-scenes workings of a newsroom, focusing on the coordination and challenges of live broadcasting. The dialogue and character interactions feel authentic and provide insight into the fast-paced nature of news coverage.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters in the scene are well-developed and their reactions to the crisis feel authentic and compelling.

Character Changes: 7

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the characters' reactions to the crisis reveal aspects of their personalities and priorities.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to ensure that the news coverage goes smoothly and that they have the necessary resources and personnel in place. This reflects their desire for professionalism and success in their job.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to coordinate the coverage of a breaking news story and ensure they have the necessary equipment and personnel in place. This reflects the immediate challenge of managing a live broadcast under time pressure.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict in the scene arises from the urgent need to cover a developing crisis, adding tension and driving the characters' actions.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with characters facing unexpected obstacles and challenges that threaten the success of their news coverage. The audience is left unsure of how the characters will overcome these obstacles, adding tension and suspense to the scene.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in the scene as the characters must quickly respond to a crisis that could have serious consequences.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by introducing a major crisis and setting up the coverage that will follow.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected obstacles and challenges that arise in the newsroom environment. The audience is kept on their toes as the characters navigate the fast-paced and ever-changing situation.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

There is a philosophical conflict between the protagonist's desire for thorough coverage and professionalism, and the challenges of coordinating resources and dealing with unexpected obstacles. This conflict challenges the protagonist's beliefs about control and adaptability in a fast-paced environment.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a sense of anxiety and determination, drawing the audience into the characters' response to the crisis.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the urgency and tension of the situation, driving the plot forward and revealing character dynamics.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its fast-paced dialogue, high stakes, and character interactions. The urgency and pressure of the newsroom environment keep the audience invested in the outcome of the characters' actions.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining a fast-paced rhythm that mirrors the urgency and pressure of the newsroom environment. The scene moves quickly from one interaction to the next, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the outcome.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting. The pacing and rhythm of the scene are well-maintained through effective formatting choices.

Structure: 9

The scene follows the expected structure for a fast-paced, dialogue-heavy sequence in a screenplay. It effectively conveys the urgency and pressure of the newsroom environment through concise scene descriptions and character interactions.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the urgency and chaos of the unfolding crisis, with characters quickly moving and making decisions under pressure. However, the pacing could be improved by tightening the dialogue to maintain a sense of urgency throughout.
  • Roone's character is established well through his actions and dialogue, but the scene could benefit from more visual cues that highlight his leadership style. For instance, showing him taking charge in a more dynamic way could enhance his authority.
  • Geoff's excitement about being in charge is a nice touch, but it feels slightly out of place given the gravity of the situation. This contrast could be emphasized more to highlight the tension between the seriousness of the crisis and the characters' responses.
  • The dialogue is functional but lacks emotional depth. Adding more personal stakes or emotional reactions from the characters could enhance the audience's connection to the unfolding events.
  • The introduction of the Camera Assistant, Ben, feels a bit abrupt. A brief moment that establishes his character or his relationship with Jennings could make his inclusion feel more organic.
Suggestions
  • Consider revising the dialogue to be more concise and impactful, reflecting the urgency of the situation. Short, clipped exchanges can convey tension effectively.
  • Incorporate more visual storytelling elements that show Roone's leadership, such as him physically directing crew members or making quick decisions that illustrate his authority.
  • Explore Geoff's emotional state further. Perhaps he could express a moment of doubt or fear about the situation, which would contrast with his excitement about being in charge.
  • Add a brief moment of interaction between Jennings and Ben that establishes their rapport or urgency, making Ben's role feel more integrated into the scene.
  • Consider using sound design to enhance the atmosphere of urgency, such as background noise of the control room or distant chaos, to immerse the audience in the tension of the moment.



Scene 17 - Chaos in the Studio
INT. HALLWAY - DAY

Bader walks down the hall, sees Marianne enter from outside.

BADER
Anything about the hostages yet?

MARIANNE
Only mixed information.

BADER
Then call around to get things
double checked.

He hands her a walkie as he reaches her.

MARIANNE
I already have one.

BADER
Let’s open our own channel. Run
things by me before you pass
anything on.
(heads off)
Channel four.


INT. ROONE’S OFFICE - DAY

Roone goes straight to the phone and dials an extension.

ROONE
Coffee, aspirin and a timetable of
today’s slots on the sat.

He quickly hangs up, instantly dials the next number.


While waiting for someone to answer the phone, he switches on
the television in the corner. A color TV, rare in Germany for
the early 70s. ABC plays on the screen.


INT. BACKSTAGE AREA - DAY

The first swarm of crew arrives at the studio, emerging from
a shuttle bus that has stopped outside.

Geoff hurries up to welcome them.

GEOFF
You heard what happened. Get to
work. I need four men in the
studio.

But nobody seems to listen to him.

CARTER (O.S.)
You’re the big boss now?

Geoff turns, relieved to see CARTER JEFFREY (mid-20s), an
innovative tech from the camera department.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In a tense studio environment, Bader and Marianne discuss the urgent hostage situation, with Bader instructing Marianne to verify information and keep him updated. Meanwhile, Roone juggles phone calls to organize logistics while watching TV. Geoff struggles to manage the indifferent crew's arrival until he is acknowledged by Carter Jeffrey, providing a brief moment of relief amidst the chaos.
Strengths
  • Effective tension-building
  • Realistic dialogue
  • Strategic decision-making
Weaknesses
  • Some characters could be further developed

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively builds tension and urgency through the unfolding crisis, engaging dialogue, and strategic decision-making, keeping the audience on edge.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a crisis unfolding in real-time at a major event like the Olympics is compelling and keeps the audience engaged. The scene effectively conveys the chaos and uncertainty of the situation.

Plot: 8.5

The plot advances significantly as the crisis unfolds, setting the stage for further developments and raising the stakes for the characters involved.

Originality: 7

The scene introduces a familiar setting but adds unique elements like the use of walkie-talkies and a color TV in a 70s German context. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and contribute to the overall atmosphere.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-defined and their actions and decisions in response to the crisis are believable and engaging. The scene effectively showcases their roles and responsibilities.

Character Changes: 8

The characters undergo significant changes in their roles and responsibilities as they respond to the crisis, showcasing their adaptability and leadership skills.

Internal Goal: 8

Bader's internal goal in this scene is to maintain control and ensure accurate information is being communicated. This reflects his need for order and efficiency in a high-pressure situation.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to gather information and coordinate efforts in response to a crisis or urgent situation.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The level of conflict is high as the characters grapple with a rapidly evolving crisis and make critical decisions to address the situation.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with characters facing conflicting goals and challenges that create uncertainty and drive the plot forward.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high as the characters are faced with a life-threatening crisis that could have far-reaching consequences, adding intensity and urgency to the scene.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by introducing a major crisis and setting the stage for further developments and conflicts.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the characters' conflicting goals and the uncertain outcome of the crisis they are facing.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

There is a philosophical conflict between the need for accurate information and the pressure to act quickly in a crisis. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs about the importance of thoroughness versus speed in decision-making.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene elicits a strong emotional response from the audience, evoking feelings of tension, concern, and suspense as the crisis unfolds.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is tense, urgent, and realistic, reflecting the high-stakes nature of the situation. It effectively conveys the characters' emotions and motivations.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its fast-paced dialogue, high-stakes situation, and clear character motivations that keep the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and maintains the audience's interest, with quick transitions between locations and character interactions.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings and dialogue formatting that enhance readability and flow.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with distinct locations and character interactions, effectively conveying the urgency and tension of the situation.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes a sense of urgency and chaos in the control room environment, which is crucial given the context of the unfolding crisis. However, the dialogue could be more dynamic to reflect the heightened tension; currently, it feels somewhat procedural and lacks emotional weight.
  • Bader's character comes across as authoritative, but his dialogue could benefit from more urgency or emotional stakes to match the gravity of the situation. For instance, instead of simply instructing Marianne to double-check information, he could express concern for the hostages or the implications of the mixed information.
  • Marianne's response to Bader about having a walkie-talkie feels a bit flat. This could be an opportunity to showcase her character's resourcefulness or frustration with the situation. Adding a line that reflects her emotional state could enhance her character development.
  • Roone's actions in his office are quick and efficient, but the transition from Bader and Marianne's conversation to Roone feels abrupt. A smoother transition could help maintain the scene's flow and keep the audience engaged. Perhaps a brief moment where Roone reacts to the news before making calls could add depth.
  • The introduction of Geoff and Carter in the backstage area is a good way to show the crew's arrival, but the dialogue lacks a sense of urgency. Geoff's command to get to work could be more forceful or panicked, reflecting the seriousness of the situation. Additionally, Carter's line about Geoff being the 'big boss now' could be rephrased to better fit the tense atmosphere.
Suggestions
  • Enhance the emotional stakes in Bader's dialogue by incorporating more urgency or concern for the hostages. This could involve him expressing worry about the implications of the mixed information.
  • Develop Marianne's character further by adding a line that reflects her emotional state or frustration with the situation, making her response to Bader more impactful.
  • Create a smoother transition between Bader and Marianne's conversation and Roone's actions by including a brief moment where Roone reacts to the news before making calls.
  • Revise Geoff's dialogue to convey a greater sense of urgency and panic as he instructs the crew to get to work, emphasizing the seriousness of the situation.
  • Consider rephrasing Carter's line to better fit the tense atmosphere, perhaps by making it more sarcastic or concerned, which could add depth to their relationship and the overall tension of the scene.



Scene 18 - Camera Challenge and Professional Focus
INT. STUDIO STAGE - DAY

Geoff and Carter stare at one of the three gigantic studio
cameras.

CARTER
You know how heavy those are?

GEOFF
Let’s find out.

He grabs the camera by its wheeled pedestal, starts pushing.
Carter helps him.

CARTER
Wiring could be tricky.

GEOFF
You’ll figure it out.

He sees Jacques watching them, skeptical.

GEOFF (CONT’D)
C’mon. You, too.

Jacques rolls his eyes.


INT. VTR LIBRARY - DAY

Marianne picks up a phone from the desk and dials a number.


MARIANNE
Ja, hallo, hier ist Marianne vom
DOZ. Könnten Sie mich zu Michael
Korth durchstellen?
(beat)
Ja, danke, ich warte.

She clamps the receiver to her ear. Grabs a press kit showing
headshots and short bios of the Olympic participants.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In a light-hearted studio scene, Geoff and Carter engage in a playful challenge to move a gigantic camera, with Geoff leading the effort and Carter voicing concerns about the wiring. Jacques, initially skeptical, is eventually persuaded to join them. Meanwhile, Marianne is focused on her professional duties, making a phone call to Michael Korth while reviewing a press kit related to Olympic participants. The scene captures camaraderie and determination, transitioning from the physical challenge to Marianne's work responsibilities.
Strengths
  • Effective tension-building
  • Strong character reactions
  • Clear sense of urgency
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development in this specific scene

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively builds tension and urgency, setting up a pivotal moment in the story with strong character reactions and a clear sense of purpose.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene, focusing on a crisis unfolding during the Olympics, is engaging and sets up a compelling conflict that propels the story forward.

Plot: 8.5

The plot of the scene is crucial in establishing the high-stakes situation and setting up the next phase of the story, driving the narrative forward with a sense of urgency.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a unique setting and situation within the television production industry, with authentic character interactions and dialogue that feel fresh and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters in the scene react authentically to the crisis, showing depth and complexity in their responses, which adds to the tension and emotional impact.

Character Changes: 8

The characters undergo a significant shift in mindset and action as they respond to the crisis, showing growth and development in the face of adversity.

Internal Goal: 8

Geoff's internal goal is to prove himself capable and competent in handling the studio cameras, reflecting his desire for recognition and validation of his skills.

External Goal: 7

Geoff's external goal is to successfully operate the studio cameras and impress his colleagues, reflecting the immediate challenge of mastering the technical equipment.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The level of conflict in the scene is high, with the characters facing a life-threatening situation that raises the stakes and drives the narrative tension.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create conflict and uncertainty, keeping the audience engaged in the characters' struggles.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes in the scene are extremely high, with the characters facing a life-threatening situation that will have far-reaching consequences, adding intensity and urgency to the narrative.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by introducing a major conflict and setting up the next phase of the narrative, driving the plot towards a critical turning point.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the characters' conflicting motivations and the uncertain outcome of their actions.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

There is a philosophical conflict between Geoff's confidence in his abilities and Jacques' skepticism, challenging Geoff's beliefs in his own competence.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene has a strong emotional impact, eliciting feelings of concern, shock, and urgency in the audience as the characters grapple with a crisis.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene is sharp, focused, and serves to convey crucial information while also revealing character dynamics and motivations.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the dynamic character interactions, high stakes, and fast-paced dialogue that keeps the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and maintaining the audience's interest through quick dialogue exchanges and character actions.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene adheres to industry standards, with proper scene headings and character dialogue.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a screenplay in this genre, with clear scene transitions and character actions.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures a moment of camaraderie and light-heartedness amidst the tension of the unfolding crisis. However, the stakes could be heightened by incorporating more urgency or a sense of impending danger, given the context of the hostage situation. This would create a stronger contrast between the playful banter and the serious backdrop.
  • Geoff's character comes across as confident and somewhat reckless, which is engaging, but it would be beneficial to explore his motivations further. Why is he so eager to push the camera? Is he trying to distract himself from the gravity of the situation? Adding a line or two that hints at his internal conflict could deepen his character.
  • Carter's skepticism about the wiring is a good touch, but it feels somewhat underdeveloped. This could be an opportunity to introduce a bit of tension or conflict between the characters. Perhaps Carter could express more concern about the potential consequences of their actions, which would add depth to his character and the scene.
  • Jacques' eye-rolling is a nice visual cue, but it could be enhanced with a line of dialogue that expresses his reluctance or disbelief. This would make his character more relatable and provide a clearer emotional response to the situation.
  • The transition between the studio stage and the VTR library feels abrupt. A smoother transition could help maintain the flow of the scene. Consider adding a line or action that connects the two locations, perhaps by having Geoff or Carter mention needing to check on something in the library before they start moving the camera.
Suggestions
  • Incorporate a line or action that reflects the urgency of the situation, such as a distant sound of chaos or a reminder from another character about the ongoing crisis, to create a stronger contrast with the light-heartedness of Geoff and Carter's challenge.
  • Add a moment of introspection for Geoff, perhaps a brief flash of concern or doubt about the situation, to add depth to his character and highlight the tension between his bravado and the reality of the crisis.
  • Develop Carter's character further by giving him a line that expresses his concerns about the wiring or the implications of moving the camera, which could introduce a layer of conflict and tension in their interaction.
  • Enhance Jacques' role by adding a line that conveys his reluctance or disbelief about the task at hand, making his character more relatable and providing a clearer emotional response.
  • Create a smoother transition between the two locations by adding a line or action that connects Geoff and Carter's task with Marianne's phone call, maintaining the scene's flow and coherence.



Scene 19 - Heavy Burdens
INT. HALLWAY - DAY

Geoff, Jacques and Carter wiggle the heavy camera out of the
studio into the corridor. Geoff’s walkie crackles:

BADER
Geoff, you there?

GEOFF
(into walkie)
Talk to me, Marv.

BADER
I’m at the press center. Hans Klein
got word from the Olympic
Committee: “The Games must go on.”

CARTER
Do they really think anyone will
care about sports today?

BADER
Good news is that two Israelis
escaped during the attack. Also I-
(noise in his background)
Hold on a sec.

Over the walkie we hear a distant voice.

BADER (CONT’D)
They just confirmed the injured
coach died. Mosche Weinberg. Shot
twice in the head, once in the gut.

They look at each other in horror.

BADER (CONT’D)
The terrorists demanded Israel
release 200 Palestinian prisoners
by noon. If not they kill one
hostage every hour.

GEOFF
Jesus Christ. Are there
negotiations happening?


BADER
Don’t know.

GEOFF
So should I pass all that on to
Roone?

BADER
Geoff, you have to be the center of
everything now! Not just the
control room. All communication,
everything.

This is more than Geoff was prepared for.

BADER (CONT’D)
Geoff?

GEOFF
Got it. All communication,
everything.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In a tense hallway scene, Geoff, Jacques, and Carter struggle to move a heavy camera while Geoff receives a distressing call from Bader. He learns that the Olympic Committee has decided to proceed with the Games despite a recent attack, which has resulted in the death of a coach and a hostage crisis involving Israeli athletes. The terrorists are demanding the release of Palestinian prisoners, threatening to kill hostages if their demands are not met. Bader assigns Geoff the overwhelming responsibility of managing all communications, leaving him to grapple with the weight of this new role amidst the unfolding tragedy.
Strengths
  • Intense tension and urgency
  • Compelling dialogue and character dynamics
  • Effective plot progression
Weaknesses
  • Possible lack of character depth in supporting roles

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys the escalating tension and urgency of the situation, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the unfolding crisis.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of crisis communication in response to a hostage situation is compelling and well-executed, drawing the audience into the high-stakes drama.

Plot: 8.5

The plot is driven by the escalating crisis and the characters' responses to it, moving the story forward and heightening the tension effectively.

Originality: 8

The scene presents a fresh take on the familiar trope of a hostage crisis, focusing on the personal and political implications of the situation. The characters' reactions and dialogue feel authentic and emotionally resonant.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters' reactions and decisions in the face of the crisis are believable and engaging, adding depth to the scene and driving the narrative forward.

Character Changes: 8

The characters undergo significant changes as they are forced to confront the reality of the crisis and make tough decisions, adding depth to their development.

Internal Goal: 8

Geoff's internal goal is to navigate the overwhelming responsibility placed on him in the midst of a crisis. This reflects his deeper need for competence and control in a high-pressure situation.

External Goal: 9

Geoff's external goal is to effectively communicate critical information and coordinate responses to the terrorist threat. This reflects the immediate challenge he faces in managing the crisis.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The level of conflict is high, with the characters facing a life-threatening situation and having to make difficult decisions under extreme pressure.

Opposition: 8

The strong opposition in the scene comes from the terrorists' demands and the escalating threats to the hostages. The uncertainty of the situation creates a sense of danger and suspense.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are extremely high, with lives on the line and the characters facing a race against time to resolve the crisis, adding intensity and urgency to the scene.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by introducing a major crisis and setting the stage for further developments and challenges for the characters.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the sudden twists and turns in the crisis situation, keeping the audience on edge and unsure of the outcome.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the value of human life versus political demands. The terrorists' demand for prisoner release raises questions about the ethics of negotiation and the prioritization of lives.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene has a strong emotional impact, eliciting shock, horror, and concern from the audience as the characters grapple with the gravity of the situation.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is sharp and focused, conveying the urgency and seriousness of the situation while advancing the plot and revealing character dynamics.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its fast-paced dialogue, high stakes, and emotional intensity. The audience is drawn into the characters' struggles and the unfolding crisis.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is expertly handled, with a balance of tension-building moments and character interactions. The rhythm of the dialogue adds to the sense of urgency and drama.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of the scene is well-executed, with clear transitions between dialogue and action descriptions. It adheres to the expected format for a tense, dialogue-driven scene.

Structure: 9

The scene follows a clear and engaging structure, building tension through escalating revelations and character interactions. It effectively conveys the urgency and complexity of the crisis.


Critique
  • The scene effectively conveys the gravity of the situation through the dialogue and the characters' reactions. The use of the walkie-talkie as a communication device adds a layer of urgency and immediacy, which is crucial given the context of a hostage crisis.
  • The emotional impact is heightened by the stark contrast between the mundane task of moving a camera and the horrific news being relayed. This juxtaposition serves to emphasize the absurdity of continuing the Games amidst such tragedy, but it could be further explored to deepen the emotional resonance.
  • Geoff's character is established as someone who is overwhelmed by the sudden responsibility placed on him. However, the transition from a light-hearted moment to a serious crisis feels a bit abrupt. More internal conflict or hesitation from Geoff could enhance the dramatic tension.
  • The dialogue is generally strong, but some lines could be tightened for clarity and impact. For example, Bader's line about the terrorists' demands could be more concise to maintain the scene's pacing.
  • The scene lacks a strong visual element that could enhance the storytelling. Describing the physical struggle of moving the camera in more detail could serve as a metaphor for the weight of the situation they are facing, adding depth to the scene.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of hesitation or disbelief from Geoff after receiving the news about the coach's death. This could help to illustrate the emotional toll the situation is taking on him.
  • Incorporate more sensory details to enhance the atmosphere. For example, describe the sounds of the control room or the physical strain of moving the camera to create a more immersive experience.
  • Tighten the dialogue by removing any unnecessary filler words. For instance, Bader's lines could be streamlined to maintain urgency and clarity.
  • Explore the reactions of Jacques and Carter more deeply. Their responses to the news could provide additional emotional weight and highlight the collective shock of the team.
  • Consider ending the scene with a strong visual or emotional beat that encapsulates the gravity of the situation, such as a lingering shot of the camera being pushed down the hallway, symbolizing the burden of the unfolding crisis.



Scene 20 - Negotiating Chaos
INT. ROONE’S OFFICE - DAY

Roone, electric shaver in his hand, listens to the phone on
loudspeaker. This is the part of the job he hates.

CBS
.... I’m sorry, there is nothing I
can do about it. We've had that one
booked for months.

ROONE
(into phone)
But this is a story of public
interest. People need to see this.
And they need to see this live! And
right now, we’re the only ones who
can do that.

His ASSISTANT enters the room, puts down a coffee and a
timetable of the booked satellite slots in front of Roone.

ROONE (CONT’D)
(into phone)
Hold on, Claire. I got the schedule
now.
(to Assistant)
The aspirin?

ASSISTANT
We ran out of them.

Roone holds in his anger.


ROONE
Never mind.
(back to phone, checks
timetable)
This is what we’re going to do: We
swap slots. You get 3, we get noon.

CBS
You’re sure it’ll be done by then?

ROONE
(into phone)
You know the Germans. They’ll have
the situation quickly under
control.

His AP Wire starts rattling. Roone reaches for it. Starts
reading.

ROONE (CONT’D)
(into phone)
So we got a deal?

CBS
(beat, then)
They're all asleep now, but I'm
doing my best.

ROONE
(into phone)
Appreciate it, Claire. ABC owes CBS
on this one.

He hangs up. His Assistant still stands there. Knows Roone
won’t like what he has to say:

ASSISTANT
Starger’s office called. They want
News to take over.

ROONE
(waves it off)
Tell them I’ll be in touch.

He continues reading, as a loud noise is heard from the-
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In a high-pressure office environment, Roone engages in a tense phone call with CBS, negotiating for a live news story slot. Frustrated by scheduling conflicts and the absence of aspirin, he remains determined to secure coverage. His assistant brings coffee and updates, but Roone dismisses news about Starger’s office wanting to take over. The scene captures Roone's stress and urgency as he juggles multiple challenges, ending with a loud noise from outside, hinting at ongoing chaos.
Strengths
  • Tension-building
  • Urgency
  • Realistic character reactions
Weaknesses
  • Lack of character development in this specific scene

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively builds tension and urgency, setting up a critical moment in the story with high stakes and a sense of impending danger.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a news team racing against time to cover a crisis at the Olympic Village is compelling and drives the narrative forward.

Plot: 8.5

The plot advances significantly in this scene, introducing a major conflict and raising the stakes for the characters involved.

Originality: 8

The scene presents a fresh approach to the familiar theme of news reporting, with a focus on the behind-the-scenes negotiations and challenges of live broadcasting. The dialogue feels authentic and the characters' actions are believable.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-developed and react realistically to the unfolding crisis, adding depth and emotion to the scene.

Character Changes: 7

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the characters' reactions to the crisis reveal more about their personalities and motivations.

Internal Goal: 8

Roone's internal goal is to ensure that the story of public interest is broadcast live and that his network is the one to do it. This reflects his desire to be at the forefront of breaking news and to serve the public interest.

External Goal: 7

Roone's external goal is to negotiate with CBS to swap satellite slots in order to broadcast the story live. This reflects the immediate challenge he is facing in securing the broadcast for his network.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The level of conflict is high in this scene, with the characters facing a life-threatening situation and racing against time to cover the crisis.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with CBS presenting a significant challenge to Roone's goal of securing the live broadcast.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are extremely high in this scene, with the characters facing a life-threatening situation and the need to act quickly to cover the crisis.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward, introducing a major conflict and setting the stage for further developments in the narrative.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in negotiations and the uncertainty of whether Roone will succeed in securing the broadcast.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between the importance of public interest reporting and the practicalities of network competition. Roone believes in the importance of broadcasting the story live for the public good, while CBS is concerned about their own scheduling and logistics.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene has a strong emotional impact, conveying the fear and tension of the characters as they grapple with a dangerous situation.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue effectively conveys the urgency and tension of the situation, driving the scene forward with purpose.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the high stakes, fast-paced dialogue, and the sense of urgency in securing the live broadcast.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining tension and urgency throughout, with quick back-and-forth dialogue and escalating stakes.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a dialogue-heavy scene in a screenplay, with clear character names and actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a high-pressure negotiation scene in a newsroom setting, with clear character motivations and escalating tension.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the tension and urgency of the situation, showcasing Roone's determination to secure a live broadcast amidst chaos. However, the dialogue could be more dynamic; Roone's exchanges with CBS feel somewhat one-dimensional and could benefit from more emotional stakes or conflict to heighten the tension.
  • Roone's character is established as assertive and proactive, but the scene lacks a deeper exploration of his emotional state. Adding internal conflict or frustration about the situation could make him more relatable and complex.
  • The assistant's role is minimal and lacks depth. Providing the assistant with a line or two that reflects their own stress or urgency could enhance the scene's overall tension and create a more collaborative atmosphere.
  • The transition from Roone's phone call to the assistant's news about Starger’s office feels abrupt. A smoother transition or a moment of reflection from Roone could help maintain the scene's flow and build anticipation for the next conflict.
  • The use of the electric shaver as a prop is interesting but underutilized. It could serve as a metaphor for Roone's struggle to maintain control in a chaotic environment. Exploring this further could add layers to the scene.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more emotional depth to Roone's character by incorporating his internal thoughts or frustrations about the situation, perhaps through voiceover or a brief moment of reflection.
  • Enhance the dialogue with more urgency and emotional stakes. For example, Roone could express his frustration more vividly or challenge CBS's decision more forcefully.
  • Give the assistant a more active role in the scene. Perhaps they could express their own concerns or frustrations about the situation, making them feel like a more integral part of the team.
  • Smooth out the transition between the phone call and the assistant's news about Starger’s office. A brief pause or a reaction from Roone could help maintain the scene's momentum.
  • Explore the symbolism of the electric shaver further. Perhaps Roone could be interrupted mid-shave, emphasizing the chaos of the situation and his struggle to maintain control.



Scene 21 - Urgent Broadcast Preparations
INT. HALLWAY - DAY

The enormous camera is shoved down the hall by Geoff, Jacques
and Carter.

ROONE
What the hell are you guys doing?


GEOFF
We’re going to get a live shot of
the apartment. It’ll be cutting
edge--

ROONE
Who are the hostages?

GEOFF
Bader just confirmed that one of
them died. A coach. Um-

ROONE
Mosche Weinberg. I read the Wire.
But who’s inside that apartment?

GEOFF
I don’t think we know yet.

ROONE
Then we find out. Who are they?
What’s their background. Do they
have family?
(re: camera)
There's no point aiming that thing
at a building if the viewer doesn’t
know the people inside.

Geoff knows Roone is right. How could he not think of this?

The Assistant appears in the doorframe behind Roone.

ASSISTANT
News is on the line again. Can’t
hold them back anymore.

Roone doesn't turn around. Keeps his gaze fixed on Geoff.

ROONE
Don’t fuck it up, Mason. I got the
bird. Live at noon.

Geoff glances at the clock.

GEOFF
(Fuck)
No problem.

ROONE
(heads back to office)
I have to deal with this bullshit.

He closes the door behind him. Geoff pulls his walkie.

GEOFF
Marv, do we have any info on the
hostages yet?


But another voice responds.

MARIANNE
I’m on it.

GEOFF
Where are you?

MARIANNE
VTR Library.

GEOFF
(into walkie)
Coming.
(nods at camera)
Get this mother outside.

He hurries off. Jacques and Carter look at the massive
camera: Great.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In a tense hallway scene, Geoff, Jacques, and Carter are moving a large camera to capture a live shot of an apartment where hostages are believed to be held. Roone confronts Geoff about the lack of information on the hostages, emphasizing the need for background details to make the broadcast meaningful. Realizing his oversight, Geoff rushes to gather information from Marianne in the VTR Library as Roone departs to handle other matters. The scene ends with Geoff hurrying off, leaving Jacques and Carter focused on the camera, highlighting the urgency of the situation.
Strengths
  • Tension-building
  • Strong character dynamics
  • Clear sense of purpose
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development in this specific scene

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys the urgency and high stakes of the situation, with strong character interactions and a clear sense of purpose driving the narrative forward.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene, centered around a crisis unfolding in real-time and the journalistic response to it, is engaging and well-executed. The focus on responsibility and empathy adds depth to the narrative.

Plot: 8.5

The plot of the scene is crucial in advancing the overall story, introducing high stakes and escalating tension. The developments in the scene set the stage for further conflict and resolution.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on the behind-the-scenes workings of a newsroom during a crisis situation. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and provide insight into the challenges of reporting breaking news stories.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters in the scene are well-defined, with clear motivations and reactions to the unfolding crisis. Their interactions drive the narrative forward and add depth to the overall story.

Character Changes: 7

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the pressure and challenges they face contribute to their growth and development throughout the story.

Internal Goal: 8

Geoff's internal goal in this scene is to prove himself as a competent and reliable member of the news team. He wants to show that he can handle the pressure of breaking news situations and make sure the coverage is done effectively.

External Goal: 9

Geoff's external goal is to gather information about the hostages in the apartment and ensure that the live coverage is informative and engaging for the viewers.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The level of conflict in the scene is high, with the characters facing a life-threatening situation and ethical dilemmas. The tension is palpable, driving the narrative forward.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting viewpoints and goals among the characters. Geoff faces challenges from Roone and the pressure of the live broadcast deadline, creating obstacles that he must overcome.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes in the scene are extremely high, with lives on the line and ethical decisions to be made. The characters are faced with difficult choices that will impact the outcome of the crisis.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by introducing a major crisis and setting the stage for further developments. The decisions made by the characters have far-reaching consequences.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting dynamics between the characters and the unexpected developments in the news story. The audience is kept on their toes as new information is revealed.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the ethics of news reporting and the responsibility of journalists to accurately portray the people involved in a story. Roone emphasizes the importance of knowing the background of the hostages to humanize them in the eyes of the viewers, while Geoff is focused on getting the live shot without considering the personal details of the situation.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene has a strong emotional impact, eliciting feelings of anxiety and concern for the characters and the hostages. The sense of urgency and responsibility resonates with the audience.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene is sharp and impactful, conveying the urgency and seriousness of the situation. The exchanges between characters reveal their personalities and relationships.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the high stakes, fast-paced dialogue, and the sense of urgency in the characters' actions. The audience is drawn into the tension of the newsroom setting and the unfolding crisis.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and maintaining the momentum of the story. The rapid-fire dialogue and quick actions of the characters keep the audience engaged and invested in the unfolding events.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of the scene is clear and concise, with proper scene headings and dialogue formatting. It adheres to the standard format for a screenplay in the drama genre.

Structure: 9

The scene follows the expected structure for a fast-paced, dialogue-driven sequence in a screenplay. The dialogue drives the action and reveals character motivations effectively.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the urgency and chaos of the situation, with Geoff, Jacques, and Carter physically moving the camera while dealing with the gravity of the hostage crisis. However, the dialogue could be tightened to enhance the tension. For instance, Roone's questions about the hostages could be more pointed, emphasizing the stakes involved.
  • Roone's character comes across as authoritative and demanding, which is effective in showcasing the pressure he is under. However, his dialogue could benefit from more emotional weight. Instead of just asking for information, he could express concern for the hostages, which would add depth to his character and the situation.
  • Geoff's realization that he overlooked the importance of knowing the hostages' identities is a strong moment, but it could be more impactful if it were visually represented. Perhaps a close-up on Geoff's face could show his dawning horror or guilt, reinforcing the emotional stakes.
  • The introduction of Marianne via the walkie-talkie is a good way to show her involvement, but it feels a bit abrupt. A brief moment where Geoff reflects on her role or their previous interactions could add more context and emotional resonance to their relationship.
  • The pacing of the scene is generally good, but the transition from Roone's authoritative presence to Geoff's hurried response could be smoother. A moment of silence or a beat after Roone leaves could heighten the tension before Geoff takes action.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a line or two from Roone that expresses his concern for the hostages, which would deepen his character and the stakes of the situation.
  • Incorporate a visual cue, such as a close-up of Geoff's face, to emphasize his realization about the importance of knowing the hostages' identities.
  • Provide a brief moment of reflection for Geoff after Roone leaves, allowing the audience to feel the weight of the responsibility he carries.
  • Tighten the dialogue to make it more impactful, focusing on the urgency and emotional stakes rather than just the logistics of the situation.
  • Smooth the transition between Roone's departure and Geoff's subsequent actions to maintain the scene's tension and flow.



Scene 22 - Tension in the VTR Library
INT. VTR LIBRARY - DAY

Marianne has the Israeli delegation in front of her. She
circles profiles and takes notes, while on the phone:

MARIANNE
Du hast von zehn Geiseln
gesprochen, in Apartment eins?

Geoff charges in.

GEOFF
What you got?

MARIANNE
(motions: one second)
Dann bleiben exakt fünf
Kraftsportler übrig.

She circles another headshot. Geoff realizes what she’s
doing, eagerly turns the page so he can see it.

MARIANNE (CONT’D)
(beat)
Danke, Michael. Ich schulde dir
was.

Marianne hangs up. She gently turns the page back to herself.

MARIANNE (CONT’D)
I need to confirm this first.

GEOFF
Do that later. I need it now.


MARIANNE
I’m sorry. It shouldn’t take long.
(into walkie)
Mister Bader, can you read me?

Geoff, ready to burst, realizes he just has to wait this out.

BADER
Marianne, what’ve you got?

MARIANNE
(into walkie)
My source at the BR told me there
are ten hostages. Five coaches.
Five athletes.

BADER
OK. Lines up with my info.

MARIANNE
(into walkie)
Also...
(scans Olympic housing
map)
We’ve been told the Palestinians
attacked apartment 1 and 3...

Geoff bounces on his toes, impatient.

MARIANNE (CONT’D)
(into walkie)
After cross-referencing that with
the housing plans and who slept
where...

Now Geoff’s walkie crackles:

JACQUES
Jennings made it inside!

GEOFF
(into walkie)
Great. Coming.
(to Marianne)
I want all this information in the
control room when you’re done.

He speeds off. Marianne moves on, stays focused:

MARIANNE
(back into walkie)
So I’d say the five athletes being
held are Romano, Slavin, Friedman,
Berger and Halfin.

BADER
Berger? David Berger?


MARIANNE
Yes. Why?
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In the VTR library, Marianne diligently analyzes hostage profiles while on the phone, confirming details about the Israeli delegation's situation. Geoff enters, eager for updates, but Marianne prioritizes verifying her data. As she communicates with Bader via walkie-talkie, Geoff's impatience grows, leading him to leave for the control room. Meanwhile, Marianne continues her focused analysis, ultimately identifying the athletes being held captive, including David Berger. The scene captures the urgent tension between the need for immediate information and the necessity of thorough verification.
Strengths
  • Intense atmosphere
  • Sharp dialogue
  • Effective information exchange
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development
  • Some repetitive dialogue

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys the tension and urgency of the unfolding crisis while showcasing the importance of accurate information gathering and communication. The dialogue is sharp and purposeful, driving the plot forward and setting the stage for the subsequent actions.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene revolves around the rapid exchange of vital information in a crisis situation, emphasizing the need for accuracy, collaboration, and quick decision-making. The scene effectively conveys the complexity and gravity of the unfolding events.

Plot: 8.5

The plot is advanced significantly in this scene as key details about the hostage situation are revealed, setting the stage for the characters' next actions and decisions. The scene adds depth to the overall narrative and raises the stakes for the unfolding events.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the hostage situation genre by focusing on the meticulous gathering of information in a high-pressure environment. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters in the scene are focused and determined, each playing a crucial role in gathering and disseminating information. Their interactions reveal their dedication to their roles and the seriousness of the situation at hand.

Character Changes: 7

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the characters' actions and decisions reflect their dedication, focus, and adaptability in response to the unfolding crisis.

Internal Goal: 8

Marianne's internal goal is to confirm the information she has gathered before sharing it with Geoff. This reflects her need for accuracy and thoroughness in her work.

External Goal: 9

Marianne's external goal is to gather and share crucial information about the hostages with Geoff and the control room. This reflects the immediate challenge of the hostage situation and the need for quick decision-making.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict in the scene is primarily external, revolving around the hostage situation and the need to gather accurate information to respond effectively. The tension and urgency create a sense of conflict that drives the characters' actions.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting goals and the pressure of the situation creating obstacles for the characters to overcome.

High Stakes: 9

The scene conveys the high stakes of the hostage situation, highlighting the potential consequences of the terrorists' demands and the urgency of the characters' actions. The risk to the Israeli athletes and the need for swift, decisive responses raise the stakes significantly.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by revealing crucial details about the hostage situation, setting the stage for the characters' next steps and decisions. It adds depth to the narrative and raises the stakes for the unfolding events.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in the information being gathered and the characters' reactions to new developments.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the value of accuracy and thoroughness in gathering information versus the urgency of the situation and the need for quick action. Marianne's commitment to confirming details clashes with Geoff's impatience and desire for immediate results.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene elicits a strong emotional impact through its tense atmosphere, high stakes, and the characters' focused determination. The audience is drawn into the urgency of the situation and the characters' efforts to navigate the crisis.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene is sharp, purposeful, and realistic, reflecting the urgency and intensity of the situation. The exchanges between the characters drive the narrative forward and convey essential information to the audience.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the fast-paced dialogue, high stakes, and the sense of urgency that keeps the audience on edge.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining a sense of urgency and tension, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the outcome.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup of the situation, development of tension, and resolution of immediate goals.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension by showcasing the urgency of the situation through the dialogue and actions of the characters. However, the pacing feels uneven; while Marianne is focused and methodical, Geoff's impatience could be better balanced to maintain a consistent rhythm.
  • Marianne's character comes across as competent and dedicated, but her insistence on confirming details before sharing them with Geoff could be perceived as frustrating. This could be an opportunity to deepen her character by showing her internal conflict between her professional integrity and the urgency of the situation.
  • The use of the walkie-talkie communication adds a layer of realism to the scene, but it could be enhanced by incorporating more visual cues or reactions from Geoff as he waits for Marianne to finish her conversation. This would help convey his mounting frustration more vividly.
  • The dialogue is mostly functional, but it lacks emotional depth. Adding a few lines that reveal the stakes for Geoff and Marianne personally could heighten the tension and make the audience more invested in their outcomes.
  • The transition from Marianne's focused work to Geoff's urgency could be smoother. The abruptness of Geoff's entrance and his immediate demand for information might benefit from a brief moment that highlights the gravity of the situation before he interrupts.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief internal monologue for Geoff that reflects his anxiety about the situation, which could help the audience connect with his urgency.
  • Introduce a moment where Marianne expresses her own concerns about the hostages, perhaps through a line of dialogue that reveals her emotional investment in the situation. This would create a stronger bond between her and Geoff.
  • Enhance the visual storytelling by including more physical actions that reflect the tension, such as Geoff pacing or tapping his foot while waiting for Marianne to finish her call.
  • Incorporate a moment of hesitation or doubt from Marianne before she shares the information, which could add complexity to her character and the situation.
  • Consider ending the scene with a more dramatic line or action that emphasizes the stakes, such as Geoff receiving a new piece of alarming information just as he leaves, which would propel the narrative forward.



Scene 23 - Tension in the Control Room
INT. CONTROL ROOM - DAY

The crew people have started up their work again. A Stage
Runner (”JJ”) passes coffee mugs around.

As Geoff rushes in, Jacques hands him the phone. Geoff puts
it on the amplifier.

GEOFF
Jennings, it’s Geoff Mason.

JENNINGS
You’re running things?

GEOFF
Yeah. So tell me, where are you?

JENNINGS
A balcony in the Italian compound.
It’s a good spot. I’ve a direct
view of 31. And I’m not alone up
here. The other balconies are full
of reporters and photographers, all
waiting for something to happen.

GEOFF
So nothing’s going on?

JENNINGS
No. Police are just milling around.
Doesn’t seem like they even started
negotiating yet...There’s an eerie
silence; you can actually hear the
clicking of the cameras.

Marianne enters, hands Geoff the pages of the hostages. He
takes a quick look at the headshots.

GEOFF
Too small.

He passes the pages to JJ:

GEOFF (CONT’D)
Get these to Judy. Three times
bigger.

The Assistant nods and rushes out. Geoff turns back to the
phone, when he realizes Marianne’s still standing there. Is
she waiting for him to say thanks?


MARIANNE
There’s a report Mister Bader
watched earlier that has an
interview with one of the hostages.
David Berger, a former American.

This helpful info catches Geoff off-guard. Before he can
respond, Marianne heads for the door, when-

JENNINGS
There’s movement at 31...

Everyone in the control room stops to listen. Even Marianne.

JENNINGS (CONT’D)
... the door on the second floor
balcony is opening... Someone’s
peering out... And-

For a moment, Jennings loses his voice.

GEOFF
Jennings, what’s happening?

JENNINGS
Someone’s on the balcony. Wearing
some kind of mask, slowly looking
around... going back in now...
(beat)
That... that was terrifying. Ben
down there caught it on 16 mil. I
wish you could get this shot,
Mason.

GEOFF
I’ll send a runner.

JENNINGS
No chance. Police sealed off the
entire area. Only athletes can get
past.

Geoff’s mind whirrs: what to do, what to do.


INT. BACKSTAGE AREA - DAY

Gary stands uncomfortably. A US weightlifter’s tracksuit
hangs on him. It’s way too big.

GLADYS DEIST (29), ABC Graphics, cuts out a narrow green
stripe from an official Olympic catalog. Places it over the
blue stripe on Gary’s press ID badge.

Fits perfectly. She reaches for tweezers and glue. Her every
move deliberate, as if defusing a bomb.

Nothing ever ruffles Gladys Deist.


Carter hands Gary a USA sports bag, containing:

CARTER
Loaded mags, walkies, eight rolls,
long lens, changing bag, sandwiches
... and cigarettes.

GARY
So what if they search me?

GLADYS
Don’t worry. You’re now officially
an athlete.

She hands him the fake ID, adjusts his enormous tracksuit.
Can’t help but smile.


DARK ROOM - DAY

MONTAGE: An ASSISTANT EDITOR (Judy) places the headshot of a
hostage under a table camera -- CLICK -- Next one -- CLICK --
The enlarger projects light through the negative on a
photographic paper -- an enlarged headshot starts to emerge
in the developer bath.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In a tense control room, Geoff Mason manages the unfolding hostage situation as Jennings reports eerie silence and movement from a balcony in the Italian compound. Marianne provides headshots of hostages, which Geoff instructs JJ to enlarge, while Gary is being prepared backstage by Gladys with a fake ID and sports gear. The atmosphere is urgent as the crew focuses on the escalating crisis, culminating in a montage of the assistant editor working on the headshots.
Strengths
  • Effective tension-building
  • Strong sense of urgency
  • Compelling plot development
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development
  • Some dialogue may feel exposition-heavy

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively builds tension and urgency, with a strong focus on the unfolding crisis and the news crew's response. The pacing keeps the audience engaged, and the stakes are high, creating a sense of suspense and drama.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a news crew responding to a hostage crisis at the Olympic Village is compelling and engaging. The scene effectively conveys the chaos and intensity of the situation, drawing the audience into the unfolding events.

Plot: 8.5

The plot of the scene revolves around the escalating hostage crisis and the news crew's efforts to cover the unfolding events. It is well-developed, with a clear progression that keeps the audience invested in the outcome.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh take on a hostage situation, focusing on the behind-the-scenes operations and technical aspects of crisis management. The dialogue feels authentic and the characters' actions are realistic.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters in the scene are focused on their roles in responding to the crisis, with each contributing to the overall narrative. Their actions and dialogue reveal their dedication and professionalism in the face of a high-stakes situation.

Character Changes: 7

While there is not a significant character arc in this scene, the characters demonstrate their professionalism and dedication in response to the crisis, showcasing their ability to adapt and make quick decisions under pressure.

Internal Goal: 8

Geoff's internal goal is to manage the crisis effectively and make decisions that will lead to a successful resolution. This reflects his need for control and competence in high-pressure situations.

External Goal: 7.5

Geoff's external goal is to gather information about the situation at the compound and make strategic decisions based on that information.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The level of conflict in the scene is high, with the news crew facing the challenge of covering a hostage crisis while navigating the complexities of the situation. The tension and uncertainty drive the narrative forward.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing obstacles and challenges that are difficult to overcome.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes in the scene are extremely high, with the lives of hostages at risk and the news crew under pressure to cover the unfolding crisis. The outcome of the situation will have far-reaching consequences, adding to the sense of urgency and importance.

Story Forward: 9

The scene effectively moves the story forward by introducing and developing the hostage crisis, setting up the news crew's response, and escalating the tension and stakes. It propels the narrative towards a critical turning point.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected developments in the hostage situation and the characters' responses to them.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between the need for truth and the need for safety. Geoff must balance the desire to know what's happening with the need to protect the hostages and maintain control of the situation.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene has a strong emotional impact, evoking feelings of tension, concern, and suspense in the audience. The high stakes and sense of urgency create a sense of unease and anticipation.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene is tense and urgent, reflecting the high-stakes nature of the hostage crisis. It effectively conveys information and emotions, driving the plot forward and maintaining the scene's intensity.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the high stakes, suspenseful atmosphere, and the characters' quick decision-making.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is fast-paced and contributes to the sense of urgency and suspense in the situation.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and follows the standard screenplay format for dialogue, action, and scene descriptions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a tense, suspenseful sequence in a thriller genre screenplay.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension by juxtaposing the calmness of the control room with the impending crisis outside. The dialogue between Geoff and Jennings creates a sense of urgency, but it could benefit from more emotional weight to reflect the gravity of the situation.
  • Geoff's character is established as someone who is trying to take charge, but his impatience with Marianne when he dismisses the headshots as 'too small' feels abrupt. This could be softened to show more of his internal struggle with the overwhelming responsibility he has taken on.
  • The introduction of Gary and Gladys in the backstage area adds a layer of complexity to the narrative, but it feels somewhat disconnected from the main action in the control room. A smoother transition between these two locations could enhance the flow of the scene.
  • The montage of the assistant editor working on the headshots is a nice visual touch, but it could be more impactful if it were intercut with the tension in the control room. This would create a parallel between the urgency of the broadcast and the preparation of the visuals.
  • The dialogue is functional but lacks subtext. For instance, when Jennings describes the eerie silence and the clicking of cameras, it could be expanded to reflect the emotional toll on the reporters and the gravity of the situation they are covering.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more internal conflict for Geoff as he navigates his responsibilities. This could be achieved through inner monologue or more expressive dialogue that reveals his fears and doubts.
  • Enhance the emotional stakes by incorporating reactions from the crew in the control room as they listen to Jennings. This could include their facial expressions or whispered comments that reflect their anxiety and concern.
  • Create a stronger connection between the control room and the backstage area by having Geoff or another character reference Gary's preparations, emphasizing the stakes involved in his mission.
  • Intercut the montage of the assistant editor with the control room action to heighten the tension. For example, as Jennings reports on the movement at the compound, show the headshots being developed, symbolizing the urgency of identifying the hostages.
  • Add more descriptive action beats to the dialogue to convey the physicality of the scene. For instance, show Geoff pacing or fidgeting with objects in the control room to illustrate his anxiety and the pressure he feels.



Scene 24 - Tension in the Control Room
INT. CONTROL ROOM - DAY

The room is increasingly filling up with staff. Hermann sets
up fans to counter the rising heat.

Everyone listens intently to Jennings’ descriptions:

JENNINGS
A man is stepping out of the
apartment now. White suit, white
hat, face painted black. Could be
the group’s leader... Cameras
clicking like machine guns now...
He looks around at all the press,
waves his hand. Seems like he
enjoys the attention.

JJ returns with the headshots of the hostages. Geoff signals
him to put them on the wall.

JENNINGS (CONT’D)
A policewoman’s walking up now. All
by herself. Unarmed. Looks like
she’s handling the negotiations.
(beat)
And, oh God, he seems to have a
grenade in his hand.

Silence, as everyone realizes even fellow crew are in danger.


GEOFF
(concerned)
Jennings, how close are you?

JENNINGS
Maybe 100, 130 feet.

GEOFF
You should get away from there.

JENNINGS
Kill radius is only 16 feet. I’ve
been in the Middle East.

GEOFF
Ok. But be careful.

Gladys enters the control room.

GLADYS
Gary’s on his way.

Geoff turns to Jacques.

GEOFF
Are there operators on the tower
yet?

JACQUES
(nods)
Channel 6.

GEOFF
(switches channels on his
walkie)
Tower - show me the western gate.

TOWER CAMERAMAN
Copy that.

On the monitor we see the tower cam pan over the Village.

Focuses on the gate at the fence. Lots of photographers,
cameramen and onlookers, all desperate to get in.

Gladys points at someone in a tracksuit sprinting up.

GLADYS
Yeah. Go, Gary!

Gary’s in the thick of the fray outside the gate. He fights
his way to the front guard. Shows his ID.

Then he’s allowed in and immediately begins to run again.

Some of the crew clap. Another win for Geoff. The team’s
alive with excitement. It all feels like a great adventure.


The camera pans with Gary.

Bader bursts in, returning from the press center:

BADER
BR’s airing the police chief’s
first official statement. Now.

Jacques immediately snaps on the radio, turns it up. The
press conference is already running. The voice of Munich’s
police chief, Manfred Schreiber, echoes from the speakers.

Marianne, not missing a beat, simultaneously translates:

SCHREIBER MARIANNE
Die Täter fordern, dass 200 The terrorists demanded 200
Personen freigelassen werden. prisoners be freed from
Sie sind in israelischer Isreali prisons. If not,
Hand. Wenn diese 200 Personen they’ll start killing one
nicht freigegeben würden, hostage every hour starting
dann würde man ab zwölf Uhr at noon.
jede Stunde eine Geisel
erschießen.

GEOFF
Yeah, yeah. Can’t he tell us
something we don’t know?

A question from a journalist is heard:

JOURNALIST MARIANNE
Warum waren die Someone’s asking if the chief
Ordnungskräfte nicht of police thinks it was a
bewaffnet? Und würden Sie mistake that the Olympic
sagen, dass das ein Fehler village had no armed police.
war?

Jacques is quicker with his answer:

JACQUES
Of course, it was!

Marianne eyes the floor briefly. It builds in her. She can’t
let that comment slide.

MARIANNE
... I guess they didn’t want the
world to be reminded of the last
time armed Germans patrolled
fences.

JACQUES
So Germany’s shiny new image was
more important than people’s
safety?

Bader feels the tension. Doesn’t want it to escalate.


BADER
People, this isn’t our business.
That is our business:

He points to the two clocks with Munich and New York time.

BADER (CONT’D)
In less than an hour we go live.


INT. ROONE’S OFFICE - DAY

Roone, upset, phone on speaker.

ABC HEADQUARTERS
Roone, this is not your field. Just
send News the highlights.

ROONE
You kidding? I’m here in Munich.
Hundred yards away from where it’s
happening. We’re not giving it to
News. We’re not giving it to
anybody. Sports is keeping this.
That’s it.

He hangs up and rushes out of the room in anger.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In a bustling control room during a tense hostage situation, staff members prepare for a live broadcast while grappling with the gravity of the unfolding crisis. Hermann sets up fans to combat the heat, while Jennings reports alarming updates about a man with a grenade. JJ displays headshots of hostages, and the team listens to the police chief's statement on the terrorists' demands. Conflicts arise as Jacques and Marianne debate police safety, and Roone defends the decision to keep coverage within the sports team against ABC headquarters. The scene culminates with Roone angrily hanging up the phone, determined to take charge.
Strengths
  • Tense atmosphere
  • Strong dialogue
  • High stakes
  • Urgency in the crisis unfolding
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue may feel slightly forced or cliched at times

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively builds tension and urgency, with strong dialogue and character interactions. The high stakes and escalating conflict keep the audience engaged.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a hostage crisis at the Olympic Village is compelling and well-executed, with a focus on the negotiations and the risks involved. The scene effectively conveys the high stakes and urgency of the situation.

Plot: 8.5

The plot of the scene is engaging and moves the story forward significantly, setting up the next steps for the characters and the unfolding crisis. The escalating conflict and high stakes drive the narrative forward.

Originality: 8

The scene presents a fresh approach to a familiar hostage crisis scenario by focusing on the internal and external goals of the protagonist, as well as introducing philosophical conflicts and debates about security measures.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-developed and their interactions add depth to the scene. Each character's role in the crisis is clear, and their reactions to the unfolding events feel authentic.

Character Changes: 7

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the unfolding crisis and high stakes may lead to character development in future scenes.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to ensure the safety of the hostages and the crew while managing the crisis. This reflects their deeper need for control, responsibility, and protection.

External Goal: 9

The protagonist's external goal is to successfully manage the crisis, negotiate with the terrorists, and ensure the safety of everyone involved. This reflects the immediate challenge of handling a high-pressure situation and making critical decisions under stress.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The level of conflict in the scene is high, with the hostage situation and negotiations creating intense drama and tension. The risks and challenges faced by the characters add depth to the conflict.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting viewpoints, tense interactions, and the looming threat of the hostage situation creating obstacles for the protagonist to overcome.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes in the scene are very high, with the hostage situation and negotiations posing significant risks for the characters. The tension and urgency of the situation heighten the stakes.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward, setting up the next steps for the characters and the unfolding crisis. The escalating tension and high stakes drive the narrative forward effectively.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in the hostage situation, the philosophical conflicts between characters, and the tense interactions that keep the audience guessing.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the balance between safety and image. The debate between armed security and a positive public image challenges the protagonist's beliefs about prioritizing safety over reputation.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene has a strong emotional impact, with the high stakes and tense atmosphere evoking feelings of anxiety and concern. The risks faced by the characters add emotional depth to the scene.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is tense and impactful, effectively conveying the urgency and high stakes of the situation. The interactions between the characters feel authentic and add depth to the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the high stakes, fast-paced dialogue, and suspenseful atmosphere that keeps the audience on the edge of their seats.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, with a balance of fast-paced dialogue and slower moments of reflection that enhance the overall effectiveness of the scene.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay in terms of scene descriptions, character dialogue, and action lines, making it easy to visualize and understand the events unfolding.

Structure: 9

The scene follows the expected structure for a tense and suspenseful sequence in a thriller genre, with a clear setup, rising tension, and character interactions that drive the narrative forward.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension through the use of dialogue and the reactions of the characters to the unfolding crisis. Jennings' description of the situation outside creates a vivid image for the audience, heightening the stakes as the crew realizes the danger they are in.
  • The interplay between the characters, particularly Geoff, Jennings, and Marianne, showcases their professionalism and urgency in a high-pressure environment. However, the dialogue could benefit from more distinct character voices to enhance individual personalities and make their interactions more dynamic.
  • The introduction of Gladys and her supportive role adds a layer of camaraderie among the crew, but her character could be further developed to give her more agency in the scene. As it stands, she serves primarily as a messenger, which limits her impact.
  • The transition from the excitement of Gary entering the control room to the serious nature of the police chief's statement is effective, but it could be smoother. The shift in tone feels abrupt, and a more gradual transition could enhance the emotional weight of the moment.
  • The scene ends with Bader's insistence on focusing on the upcoming live broadcast, which is a strong way to emphasize the conflict between journalistic responsibility and the unfolding tragedy. However, it could be more impactful if Bader's motivations were clearer, as his character feels somewhat reactive rather than proactive.
Suggestions
  • Consider giving each character a more distinct voice in their dialogue to enhance their individuality and make the interactions feel more authentic.
  • Develop Gladys' character further by providing her with a more active role in the scene, perhaps by having her contribute to the discussion or offer insights that reflect her expertise.
  • Smooth out the transition between the excitement of Gary's entrance and the gravity of the police chief's statement by incorporating a moment of reflection or a shared glance among the crew that acknowledges the shift in tone.
  • Clarify Bader's motivations and perspective on the situation to make his character more compelling. This could involve adding a line or two that reveals his internal conflict about covering the story versus the safety of the hostages.
  • Consider incorporating more visual elements that reflect the tension in the room, such as close-ups of the crew's anxious expressions or the frantic movements of the camera operators, to enhance the emotional impact of the scene.



Scene 25 - Taking Charge of the Story
INT. CONTROL ROOM - DAY

Jennings continues to report over the phone:

JENNINGS
Now it looks like there are
negotiations happening. German
politicians and the leader in the
white suit are talking. But
whatever they’re discussing, I
can't imagine Prime Minister Golda
Meir and her parliament, the
Knesset, will respond in any way to
blackmail.

Roone enters, nods hello to Bader, as Jennings continues:

JENNINGS (CONT’D)
It’s ironic. I have been a Middle
East expert in Beirut for 5 years,
yet I have never gotten this close
to the Arab–Israel conflict.

ROONE
Peter, I want your voice live when
we go on air.

Geoff eyes sound engineer HANK HANSON (40): can we do that?


HANK
I’ll give it a shot.

He grabs the next rotary phone and starts unscrewing the
earpiece.

BADER
Jennings, any idea how many
Palestinians are inside?

JENNINGS
We’ve seen a lot of heads popping
out of the windows. These men are
clearly professionals. I suspect
they’re deliberately trying to
create confusion.
(beat)
Now a second commando is at the
window. Brandishing his submachine
gun like a threat.

HANK
(without looking up)
Fucking Arabs.

JACQUES
Hey watch it. My mom is from
Algeria.

HANK
Come on, you know I'm not talking
about your mom.

JACQUES
Ah, just the bad Arabs?

JENNINGS
What he’s saying is that whatever
conception you have of Arabia or
Arabs is... you need to understand
how sensitive this situation is. Do
you realize what is at stake here?
This is no longer the Olympics...

Bader interrupts Jennings:

BADER
Thank you for clarifying Peter. And
it actually does bring up a
question: What should we call them
on air?

JENNINGS
In News we would refer to them as
commando guerrillas.

Bader looks questioningly at Roone.


ROONE
(shakes head)
Sounds like we're in the jungle.

Geoff has an idea, turns to Marianne.

GEOFF
What did the Germans call them? On
the radio?

MARIANNE
They used “terrorists”.

Roone is immediately convinced.

ROONE
Perfect. Let’s go with that.

JENNINGS
That's a charged term, Roone.
Terrorism is the organized and
systematic use of violence against
civilians to effect a political
goal.

A beat as everybody tries to make sense of what he just said.

BADER
(hesitant)
But... isn't that pretty much
what's happening here?

JENNINGS
Look, nobody knows yet what is
happening here. So we have to be
very careful about everything we
say on air. We have a journalistic
responsibility here.
(finally says it)
And no offense guys, but you’re
Sports. You’re in way over your
head. News should take over.

Roone’s had enough.

ROONE
Standby, Peter.

He cuts off the connection.

BADER
He might be right.

Roone’s struck. He looks around the room. Sees the crew’s
faces. Many clearly agree with Jennings too.


ROONE
Look, I know this isn’t a
responsibility that everybody
wants. But does it make more
sense to have a talking head from
News take over from halfway
across the fucking world?

He looks at his crew.

ROONE (CONT’D)
Our job is to tell the stories of
these individuals. Whose lives
are at stake. A hundred yards
away. And our job is really
straightforward. We put the
camera in the right place. And we
we follow the story as it unfolds
in real time. News can tell us
what it all meant after it’s
over. And I’m sure they’re gonna
try.

He looks each and every one of his crew in the eyes as he
continues.

ROONE (CONT’D)
This is our story. And we’re
keeping it.

Roone rushes out and Geoff steps forward.

GEOFF
Alright everyone, you heard the
boss. We have 45 minutes left. Do
we have an opener yet?
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In a tense control room, Jennings updates the crew on negotiations involving German politicians and a leader in a white suit, expressing doubts about Prime Minister Golda Meir's response to blackmail. Roone insists on broadcasting Jennings live, emphasizing the importance of their coverage over handing it to news. The crew debates terminology for the armed individuals, ultimately agreeing on 'terrorists.' Roone passionately rallies his team to take ownership of the unfolding crisis, highlighting their critical role in reporting the story as it develops.
Strengths
  • Tension-building dialogue
  • Ethical dilemmas explored
  • Strong character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development in this scene

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively builds tension and urgency through the dialogue and conflict between characters. The decision-making process and the high stakes involved contribute to the overall impact of the scene.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene revolves around the ethical and professional dilemmas faced by the news team in covering a crisis. The decision-making process and the debate over terminology add depth to the narrative.

Plot: 8.5

The plot of the scene revolves around the internal conflict within the news team and the decision to keep the coverage within the sports team. The progression of the plot adds layers of tension and urgency.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces fresh perspectives on the Arab-Israel conflict and the ethical challenges of reporting on sensitive political issues. The characters' dialogue feels authentic and reflects the complexity of the situation.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters in the scene are well-defined, each with their own perspective and motivations. The conflict between Roone, Jennings, and the rest of the team adds depth to the character dynamics.

Character Changes: 7

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the internal conflict and decision-making process hint at potential character development in future scenes.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to uphold journalistic responsibility and ensure accurate reporting of the situation. This reflects his deeper need for integrity and truth in his work.

External Goal: 7.5

The protagonist's external goal is to report live on air and make decisions about how to refer to the individuals involved in the conflict. This reflects the immediate challenge of maintaining professionalism and accuracy in reporting.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is high, both internally within the news team and externally in the unfolding crisis. The debate over terminology and the decision-making process heighten the conflict.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting viewpoints and moral dilemmas that challenge the characters' beliefs and values. The audience is unsure how the characters will navigate the ethical challenges they face.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes in the scene are high, with the news team facing ethical dilemmas, professional responsibilities, and the urgency of covering a crisis. The decision-making process and the debate over terminology heighten the stakes.

Story Forward: 9

The scene effectively moves the story forward by highlighting the internal dynamics of the news team and setting the stage for the coverage of the crisis. The decision to keep the story within the sports team propels the narrative.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the characters' conflicting viewpoints and the moral dilemmas they face. The audience is unsure how the characters will navigate the ethical challenges of reporting on a sensitive political issue.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the debate over the use of charged terms like 'terrorists' and 'guerrillas' to describe the individuals involved in the conflict. This challenges the characters' beliefs about journalistic responsibility and the impact of language on public perception.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a sense of concern, tension, and determination, leading to a moderate emotional impact on the audience. The high stakes and ethical dilemmas contribute to the emotional depth.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue in the scene is sharp, engaging, and reflective of the high-stakes situation. The debate over terminology and the ethical considerations are effectively conveyed through the dialogue.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the high stakes, moral dilemmas, and conflicting viewpoints that drive the narrative forward. The tension and urgency of the situation keep the audience invested in the characters' decisions.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and urgency as the characters debate the use of charged terms and make decisions about reporting live on air. The rhythm of the dialogue keeps the audience engaged and invested in the outcome.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear descriptions of character actions and dialogue. The use of dialogue tags and scene directions enhances the readability of the script.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a tense, dialogue-driven sequence in a political thriller genre. The pacing and rhythm of the dialogue contribute to the scene's effectiveness.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the tension and urgency of the hostage situation, showcasing the conflicting perspectives between the sports team and the news team. However, the dialogue can feel a bit heavy-handed at times, particularly in the exchanges about terminology. While it's important to address the sensitivity of the situation, the dialogue could be more nuanced to avoid coming off as preachy.
  • Roone's character is well-defined as a passionate leader, but his motivations could be further explored. Why is he so adamant about keeping the coverage within the sports team? Adding a line or two that hints at his personal stake in the story could deepen his character and make his stance more relatable.
  • The use of humor, particularly Hank's comment, feels out of place given the gravity of the situation. While humor can be a coping mechanism in high-stress environments, it risks undermining the tension that the scene builds. Consider toning down the humor or finding a more subtle way to incorporate it.
  • The pacing of the scene is generally good, but it could benefit from more varied sentence lengths and rhythms in the dialogue. Some exchanges feel rushed, while others drag on. Balancing the pacing can enhance the urgency and keep the audience engaged.
  • The scene ends with a strong call to action from Geoff, but it could be more impactful if it included a specific directive or a sense of urgency that reflects the stakes of the situation. This would help to solidify the transition from discussion to action.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of reflection for Roone before he makes his decision to keep the coverage within the sports team. This could provide insight into his character and motivations.
  • Revise Hank's dialogue to maintain the tension of the scene. Instead of a potentially offensive comment, consider having him express concern or frustration in a way that aligns with the gravity of the situation.
  • Incorporate more subtext in the dialogue. Characters can express their opinions and concerns without explicitly stating them, allowing the audience to infer the underlying tensions and stakes.
  • Enhance the visual elements of the scene by describing the crew's physical reactions to the news and the atmosphere in the control room. This can help to create a more immersive experience for the audience.
  • Add a moment of silence or a pause after Jennings discusses the gravity of the situation. This can heighten the tension and allow the weight of the situation to sink in for both the characters and the audience.



Scene 26 - The Haunting Opener
INT. HALLWAY - DAY

WHAM - The large studio door flies open. Gary swoops in, gym
bag in hand.

The Assistant Editor already waits for him.

Gary hands her the film magazines from the gym bag. She
disappears with it into a darkroom.


INT. DARKROOM - DAY

Pitch black except for a weak green light.

Film strips run through a developer bath. In the emulsion the
images slowly form. Still shadowy.


ASSISTANT EDITOR
(into walkie)
Footage ready for review in five.


INT. EDITING ROOM - DAY

The Assistant Editor skillfully threads the newly developed
film into the Steenbeck.

Behind her stand Geoff and Jacques. Nobody says a word.
Eagerly awaiting the first images.

The Assistant Editor steps on the foot pedal. The film
platter whirrs.

The playback monitor projects the perforated blank film
leaders, frames with flares, scratches, the Kodak logo
briefly pops up, and then finally:

FLASH -- Jennings holds a clapboard -- FLASH -- police cars
driving into the village -- the Connollystrasse 31 building
from outside -- FLASH -- police officers setting up barriers -
- PAN across to reporters and photographers crowding on
opposite balconies, all lenses pointed at building 31 --

Then a hectic SWISH PAN -- ZOOM to 31’s balcony door just as
it opens -- a figure steps out -- so blurry he almost looks
like a ghost --

Then the camera focuses on an image that would become the
day’s most famous one.

An image that would be burnt into the collective
consciousness. A symbol of this atrocity. An icon of terror:

The masked man on the balcony.

All eyes are fixed on the monitor. Fascinated and unsettled
simultaneously.

No one can speak.

Until:

GEOFF
That’s our opener.

CUT TO:

11:50 AM
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In a film studio, Gary delivers film magazines to the Assistant Editor, who prepares the footage in a darkroom. After five tense minutes, the film is ready for review in the editing room, where Geoff and Jacques eagerly await. As the film plays, a striking image of a masked man on a balcony captivates everyone, leading Geoff to declare it the perfect opener for their project.
Strengths
  • Effective tension-building
  • Compelling reveal of the masked man
  • Strong thematic exploration
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development
  • Dialogue could be more nuanced

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively builds tension and sets the stage for the high-stakes situation involving the hostages. The reveal of the masked man adds a layer of suspense and drama, keeping the audience engaged.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of revealing the masked man as a symbol of terror is strong and impactful, setting the tone for the unfolding events. The scene effectively conveys the gravity of the situation and the imminent danger faced by the hostages.

Plot: 8

The plot progresses significantly in this scene as the characters learn crucial information about the hostage situation and the demands of the terrorists. The introduction of the masked man adds a new layer of conflict and raises the stakes for the characters.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the portrayal of a pivotal moment in the narrative, with a focus on the ethical dilemmas faced by the characters. The authenticity of the characters' reactions adds depth to the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 7.5

The characters in the scene react realistically to the unfolding events, showcasing their concern, urgency, and determination. While there is limited character development, their responses contribute to the overall tension and drama.

Character Changes: 7

While there is limited character development in this scene, the characters experience a shift in their priorities and focus as they respond to the crisis. Their reactions and decisions reflect the changing dynamics of the situation.

Internal Goal: 9

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to see the footage of the masked man on the balcony, which represents a pivotal moment in the narrative. This reflects the protagonist's desire to uncover the truth and make sense of the atrocity that has occurred.

External Goal: 8

The protagonist's external goal is to review the newly developed film footage and determine its significance for their project. This goal reflects the immediate challenge of creating a compelling opening sequence for their film.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The scene is filled with internal and external conflicts, including the hostage situation, demands of the terrorists, and the ethical decisions faced by the media team. The presence of the masked man intensifies the conflict and raises the stakes.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, as the characters face ethical dilemmas and emotional challenges that create tension and conflict. The audience is unsure of how the characters will navigate these obstacles.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in this scene as the characters grapple with a hostage crisis, demands of terrorists, and ethical dilemmas in reporting the event. The presence of the masked man intensifies the danger and uncertainty faced by the hostages and the media team.

Story Forward: 8

The scene significantly advances the story by introducing key information about the hostage situation, the demands of the terrorists, and the media coverage of the event. The reveal of the masked man adds a new layer of complexity to the narrative.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected reveal of the masked man on the balcony and the emotional reactions of the characters. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of what will happen next.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the ethical implications of using the footage of the masked man for the film. It challenges the protagonist's beliefs about the responsibility of filmmakers to portray sensitive subjects accurately and respectfully.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from fear and tension to intrigue and determination. The reveal of the masked man heightens the emotional impact and creates a sense of unease among the characters and audience.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue in the scene serves mainly to convey information and reactions to the situation. While it effectively moves the plot forward, there is room for more nuanced exchanges to deepen character dynamics.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its suspenseful pacing, dramatic reveals, and emotional impact on the characters. The audience is drawn into the unfolding events and invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and suspense through the gradual reveal of the film footage and the reactions of the characters. The rhythm of the scene enhances the emotional impact of the moment.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene headings, action lines, and dialogue formatting that enhance readability and visual clarity.

Structure: 9

The scene follows the expected structure for a suspenseful film sequence, building tension through the progression of events and the reveal of the masked man on the balcony.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension and anticipation as the crew awaits the footage, reflecting the urgency of the situation. However, the pacing could be improved by adding more internal conflict or dialogue among the characters to heighten the emotional stakes. The silence in the editing room is impactful, but a few lines of dialogue or thoughts from Geoff or Jacques could provide insight into their feelings about the footage they are about to see.
  • The transition from the hallway to the darkroom and then to the editing room is visually engaging, but the scene could benefit from more sensory details. Describing the sounds of the film running through the Steenbeck or the atmosphere in the editing room could enhance the reader's immersion in the moment.
  • The description of the footage being played back is vivid and powerful, particularly the imagery of the masked man on the balcony. However, the scene could be strengthened by incorporating the reactions of the characters to the footage. Their facial expressions or body language could convey the gravity of what they are witnessing, making the moment more impactful.
  • The line 'That’s our opener' is a strong conclusion, but it could be more dramatic. Consider having Geoff express a mix of determination and dread, acknowledging the weight of the image they are about to broadcast. This would add depth to his character and emphasize the moral implications of their work.
Suggestions
  • Incorporate brief dialogue or internal monologues from Geoff and Jacques to express their thoughts and emotions as they await the footage. This will create a stronger connection between the characters and the audience.
  • Add sensory details to the scene, such as the sounds of the Steenbeck or the atmosphere in the editing room, to enhance the reader's experience and immersion.
  • Include character reactions to the footage being played back, such as facial expressions or body language, to convey the emotional weight of the moment more effectively.
  • Consider revising Geoff's final line to reflect a mix of determination and apprehension, emphasizing the moral implications of broadcasting the footage.



Scene 27 - Tension in the Control Room
INT. CONTROL ROOM - DAY

INSERT: An unscrewed phone earpiece. Next to a stripped audio
cable. Hank aims the soldering iron at the earpiece. A thin
thread of smoke rises.


The control room is now packed. The entire crew is back.

Only minutes until they go live.

CAM 2’s monitor now shows a live view of the apartment. But
Geoff’s not satisfied yet. He grabs one of the three walkies
lined up in front of him.

GEOFF
Cam 2 - good, but the balcony needs
to be at the very center, Charlie.

CAMERA OPERATOR
You got it, Kubrick.

GEOFF
(into second walkie)
Tower cam, get nice and close on
that roof.

The tower monitor’s image zooms in until the roof of the
Israeli housing fills the frame.

Roone and Bader enter.

BADER
(takes off his jacket)
Jesus, it’s even hotter here than
yesterday.

Roone sits right by Geoff, demands:

ROONE
Talk me through.

Geoff takes a quick breath, then begins, pointing to each
corresponding monitors as he mentions them:

GEOFF
We got Cam 1 covering Jim. Cam 2’s
outside with live images from the
apartment. Tower cam has the
Village aerial and can zoom in.
16mm footage is on tape machines 3
to 6.

He reveals Hank’s finished telephone receiver construction.

GEOFF (CONT’D)
We now can hear Jennings live on
the air. And...

Points to the pages of the Israeli athletes on the wall.

GEOFF (CONT’D)
We have an overview of the
hostages.
(MORE)

GEOFF (CONT’D)
And a pre-recorded interview with
one of them, David Berger, ready
for playback.

A beat. Then Roone actually nods approvingly.

ROONE
Good work.

Geoff only allows himself a second to enjoy it. Then he turns
to the crew.

GEOFF
Five minutes, everybody.

People scurry about, finish last-minute touches.

Geoff puts on his headset.

GEOFF (CONT’D)
Tower cam, I want you to start with
an establishing pan over the
spectators. And then push in. I
want a gut-punch close-up of that
terrorist.

Bader leans towards Geoff, speaks softly. His concerns should
not be noticed by anyone.

BADER
Uh, Geoff, can you turn it down a
notch? It's not track and field.
They threatened to kill people.

Geoff turns to Bader, covering the mic of his headset.

GEOFF
Is the noon deadline confirmed?

Bader nods.

GEOFF (CONT’D)
What do I tell the cameras?

BADER
What do you mean?

GEOFF
(matter of fact)
Can we show someone being shot on
live television?

Simple question. Long silence.

ROONE
We can’t control what happens...


BADER
No, wait, wait, wait. We’re the
only station going live with this.
Which means everyone will be
watching us. Including the
hostages’ families.

Roone hates being second-guessed in public.

ROONE
Okay, okay. Hallway.

Bader and Roone exit.

GEOFF
(to the crew)
Alright, everyone, stay on your
headsets.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In a bustling control room just minutes before a live broadcast, Geoff directs the crew in final preparations while Hank completes a phone receiver for audio capture. As the tension escalates, Bader voices ethical concerns about broadcasting potential violence, leading to a serious discussion with Roone, who is frustrated by the questioning. The crew scrambles to finalize their setup, embodying the urgent and tense atmosphere as they approach the live deadline.
Strengths
  • Building tension and urgency
  • Exploring ethical dilemmas in media coverage
  • Effective preparation for live broadcast
Weaknesses
  • Lack of standout dialogue
  • Limited character development

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively builds tension and urgency as the crew prepares for a live broadcast of a high-stakes event. The ethical dilemma of showing potentially graphic content on live television adds depth to the narrative.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of preparing for a live broadcast of a hostage situation is compelling and raises ethical questions about media coverage of sensitive events. The scene effectively conveys the challenges and responsibilities faced by the news crew.

Plot: 8.5

The plot of the scene revolves around the preparations for a live broadcast of a hostage situation, highlighting the ethical dilemmas and technical challenges faced by the news crew. The scene moves the story forward by setting up the coverage of the event.

Originality: 8.5

The scene introduces a fresh take on the ethical challenges of live broadcasting and the impact of media decisions on real-life events. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and nuanced, adding depth to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters in the scene are focused on their roles in preparing for the live broadcast, with each contributing to the overall objective. Their interactions and concerns add depth to the narrative and highlight the stakes involved.

Character Changes: 7

While there are no significant character arcs in this scene, the characters do show growth in their understanding of the ethical considerations involved in media coverage.

Internal Goal: 8

Geoff's internal goal in this scene is to successfully manage the live broadcast and make critical decisions under pressure. This reflects his need for control and competence in a high-stress situation.

External Goal: 7.5

Geoff's external goal is to ensure the successful broadcast of the hostage situation and make ethical decisions about what to show on live television. This reflects the immediate challenge he faces in balancing journalistic integrity with viewer impact.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict in the scene arises from the ethical dilemma of showing graphic content on live television and the pressure to cover a high-stakes event accurately. The tension between the characters and the urgency of the situation contribute to the conflict.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting viewpoints and ethical dilemmas creating tension and uncertainty. The characters must navigate difficult decisions and face the consequences of their actions.

High Stakes: 9

The scene conveys the high stakes involved in covering a hostage situation live on television, with the potential for graphic content and the responsibility to report accurately. The characters' decisions have significant consequences, adding to the tension and urgency.

Story Forward: 9

The scene effectively moves the story forward by setting up the coverage of the hostage situation and establishing the ethical dilemmas faced by the news crew. It creates anticipation for the live broadcast and raises the stakes for the upcoming events.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the characters' conflicting motivations and the uncertain outcome of their broadcast decisions. The audience is kept on edge by the ethical dilemmas and moral ambiguity.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the ethical dilemma of showing violence on live television. Geoff and his team must grapple with the consequences of their broadcast decisions on both the hostages and their families.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene has a strong emotional impact due to the high stakes involved in covering a hostage situation live on television. The characters' concerns and the ethical dilemmas they face resonate with the audience, creating a sense of tension and urgency.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue in the scene is functional, conveying necessary information and highlighting the urgency of the situation. While it serves its purpose, there are no particularly standout lines or exchanges.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its high stakes, moral dilemmas, and fast-paced dialogue. The tension and urgency keep the audience invested in the characters' decisions and the outcome of the live broadcast.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and conveys the urgency of the live broadcast. The rhythm of the dialogue and actions keeps the audience engaged and invested in the characters' decisions.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a control room setting in a screenplay, with clear descriptions of the setting, characters, and actions. The formatting enhances the readability and visual clarity of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format for a high-stakes, tension-filled control room setting. The pacing and rhythm effectively build suspense and convey the urgency of the situation.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension as the crew prepares for a live broadcast, but it could benefit from more character development. Geoff's leadership is evident, yet we don't see much of his emotional state or the weight of the situation on him. Adding internal thoughts or brief flashbacks could enhance the audience's connection to his character.
  • The dialogue is functional but lacks emotional depth. While it conveys urgency, it could be enriched with more personal stakes. For instance, Geoff could express concern for the hostages or reflect on the implications of broadcasting violence, which would heighten the emotional stakes.
  • The pacing is generally good, but the transition from technical preparations to the ethical dilemma of broadcasting violence feels abrupt. A smoother transition could be achieved by incorporating more dialogue or actions that bridge these two aspects, allowing the audience to digest the gravity of the situation.
  • The use of technical jargon (e.g., 'Cam 2', 'tower cam') is appropriate for the setting but may alienate viewers unfamiliar with broadcasting terms. Consider adding brief explanations or reactions from crew members that highlight the significance of these technical elements in the context of the unfolding crisis.
  • The scene ends on a somewhat abrupt note with Geoff instructing the crew to stay on their headsets. A more impactful conclusion could involve a moment of silence or a shared look among the crew, emphasizing the gravity of what they are about to broadcast.
Suggestions
  • Incorporate more internal monologue or visual cues to convey Geoff's emotional state and the pressure he feels as the situation escalates.
  • Enhance the dialogue by including personal stakes for the characters, such as concerns for the hostages' families or reflections on the consequences of their broadcast.
  • Create a smoother transition between the technical preparations and the ethical considerations by adding dialogue that reflects the crew's anxiety about what they are about to show.
  • Consider simplifying technical jargon or providing context through character reactions to ensure the audience remains engaged and understands the stakes.
  • End the scene with a moment of shared understanding or tension among the crew, reinforcing the emotional weight of the situation before moving into the next scene.



Scene 28 - Ethics on the Edge: The Broadcast Dilemma
INT. HALLWAY - DAY

Bader and Roone step out into the hallway.

BADER
You don’t want anybody to see their
kid being executed on live
television.

ROONE
Of course not, Marv.

BADER
I don’t know about the Israelis,
but David Berger’s folks are in
Ohio. So I’m pretty sure they’ll
watch.

ROONE
Then somebody should tell them not
to watch it. We have a bigger
responsibility here.

BADER
What about the sponsors?

ROONE
The sponsors are not gonna be
concerned. All they care about are
viewers.

Geoff opens the door behind them:

GEOFF
Guys. We have two minutes.

Roone senses he needs backup. Signals Geoff to come out.


BADER
So, is that what we’re trying to
achieve here? Ratings?

ROONE
No. We just...We’re following the
story wherever it takes us.

Gives Bader a thought.

BADER
Alright, then let me ask you this:
Black September; they know that the
whole world is watching, right?
That’s why they chose the Olympics.

A beat.

BADER (CONT’D)
If they shoot someone on live
television, whose story is that? Is
it ours, or is it theirs?

This makes Roone think.

Geoff eyes his watch. Time to be practical:

GEOFF
How about this: If things get tense
we only leave the 16mm running.
That’ll give us plenty of time to
decide whether we air it or not.

A long beat. Then:

ROONE
Alright.

Bader is relieved. They go back in.


INT. CONTROL ROOM - DAY

The three men burst in. Geoff resumes control.

GEOFF
30 seconds to the open. Is Jim
ready?

A Stage Assistant (LARRY) standing at the stage door shouts
in:

LARRY
Last looks.

Geoff glances at the preview monitor: Jim McKay sits in his
announcer’s seat, covered by a MAKE-UP PERSON adjusting his
hair.


GEOFF
(into headset)
Cam 1, tight on Jim. 2 on preview.
Tower, stay wide on building 31.
(switches channel)
Gladys, opening title on 1.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In a tense discussion, Bader and Roone grapple with the ethical implications of broadcasting a potential execution live on television, weighing the responsibilities of the media against the impact on the victim's family. As they debate the ownership of the story, Geoff intervenes to remind them of the time constraints, leading to a decision to keep the cameras rolling but only air the footage if absolutely necessary. The scene shifts to the control room, where the crew prepares for the broadcast, highlighting the urgency and moral weight of their choices.
Strengths
  • Exploration of ethical dilemmas
  • Tension and urgency in decision-making
  • Character depth and complexity
Weaknesses
  • Potential lack of resolution on the ethical debate
  • Limited exploration of personal consequences for characters

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively explores the ethical dilemma faced by the characters, creating tension and urgency while also prompting thought and reflection.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of exploring the ethical considerations of live broadcasting in a crisis situation is compelling and thought-provoking, adding depth to the narrative.

Plot: 8

The plot advances through the characters' discussions and decisions regarding the live broadcast, adding layers of complexity and moral ambiguity to the overall story.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh approach to the ethical dilemmas faced by journalists, with a focus on the internal struggles of the characters and the conflicting priorities they must navigate. The authenticity of the dialogue and actions adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters engage in a meaningful debate that reveals their values and priorities, showcasing their depth and complexity in the face of a challenging situation.

Character Changes: 8

The characters grapple with difficult decisions and moral dilemmas, leading to internal reflection and potential growth as they navigate the ethical challenges.

Internal Goal: 8

Bader's internal goal is to uphold journalistic integrity and ethics in the face of pressure to prioritize ratings and viewership. This reflects his deeper need for truth and justice in reporting.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to make a decision about whether to broadcast a potentially graphic event on live television, balancing the need for viewership with ethical considerations.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict arises from the characters' differing perspectives on the ethical implications of live broadcasting, creating tension and moral dilemmas.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting priorities and moral dilemmas creating obstacles for the characters to overcome. The audience is left unsure of how the characters will navigate the situation.

High Stakes: 9

The high stakes are evident in the characters' decision-making process, as they must navigate the ethical implications of live broadcasting in a crisis situation.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing a critical ethical dilemma that will likely have repercussions on the characters and the narrative as a whole.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it presents a moral dilemma that could go in multiple directions, keeping the audience guessing about the characters' decisions and the consequences of their actions.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the ethics of journalism and the responsibility of the media to the public. It challenges the protagonist's beliefs about the role of the media in society and the balance between ratings and truth.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7.5

The scene evokes a sense of urgency and moral contemplation, engaging the audience emotionally through the characters' ethical struggles.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue effectively conveys the ethical dilemmas and conflicting viewpoints of the characters, adding depth and tension to the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it presents a high-stakes decision-making process with moral implications, drawing the audience into the characters' internal struggles and conflicting priorities.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and suspense, leading to a climactic decision point that drives the narrative forward. The rhythm of the dialogue and character interactions contributes to the scene's effectiveness.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and concise, with proper scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting. It follows the expected format for a screenplay in this genre.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene effectively builds tension and conflict, leading to a decision point that drives the narrative forward. It follows the expected format for a dramatic, dialogue-driven scene in a screenplay.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the tension and ethical dilemmas faced by the characters in a high-stakes situation. The dialogue between Bader and Roone highlights the conflicting priorities of broadcasting responsibility versus audience ratings, which adds depth to their characters and the overall narrative.
  • However, the pacing feels slightly rushed, especially with the introduction of Geoff. While urgency is appropriate given the context, it might benefit from a moment of reflection or hesitation before Geoff enters, allowing the weight of their conversation to resonate more with the audience.
  • The dialogue is generally strong, but some lines could be more impactful. For instance, Bader's line about the sponsors could be expanded to include a more emotional appeal, perhaps referencing the human cost of the broadcast. This would enhance the moral stakes of their decision-making.
  • The transition from the hallway to the control room is somewhat abrupt. A brief moment of silence or a visual cue could help bridge the two settings, emphasizing the gravity of the situation as they move from a private discussion to the public arena of the control room.
  • Geoff's practical suggestion about only leaving the 16mm running is a clever way to introduce a potential compromise, but it could be more dramatically emphasized. Perhaps a visual cue, like a close-up of Geoff's anxious expression, could underscore the tension of the decision they are making.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment of silence or a pause after Bader's question about whose story it is, allowing the weight of the question to settle before moving on. This could enhance the dramatic tension.
  • Expand on Bader's concerns about the sponsors to include a more emotional angle, perhaps referencing the families of the hostages directly to heighten the stakes.
  • Introduce a visual element or sound cue that signifies the transition from the hallway to the control room, reinforcing the shift from private deliberation to public broadcasting.
  • Enhance Geoff's character by showing more of his internal conflict or anxiety about the situation, possibly through a close-up shot or a brief moment of hesitation before he speaks.
  • Consider tightening the dialogue to make it more impactful. For example, instead of 'We have a bigger responsibility here,' Roone could say something more evocative, like 'We owe it to them to tell the truth, no matter how painful.'



Scene 29 - Live Coverage of Crisis: Terrorist Attack at the Olympics
INT. EDITING ROOM - DAY

Gladys sits at the Title Generator. Headset on, eyes focused
on the preview monitor.

GLADYS
Title 1 ready for insert.


INT. CONTROL ROOM - DAY

A caption appears on one of the screens on the monitor wall.

Geoff shifts his gaze to the “network return monitors”. On
them we catch the ending of a commercial: camera flies
towards New York’s Twin Towers as the Texaco logo appears.

ASSISTANT DIRECTOR
Aaand in ten, nine, eight...

As the countdown continues, Roone leans forward to Geoff,
whispers:

ROONE
If someone’s shot, have the live
cams pan to the onlookers for
reaction shots.

Geoff glances at Bader uncomfortable, but:

ASSISTANT DIRECTOR
... three, two, one.
(to Geoff)
And we’re hot.

All eyes on Geoff. A beat. Then.

GEOFF
(into headset)
Roll 5. Insert title 1.

FULLSCREEN LINE MONITOR: The masked man on the balcony.

Title appears: TERRORIST ATTACK AT THE OLYMPICS

GEOFF (CONT’D) ASSISTANT DIRECTOR
(into headset) In 3... 2... 1
Ready 1... take 1.
(into mic)
Jim, you’re on.


CLOSE UP: Jim McKay looks at us professionally.

McKAY
Good Morning, I’m Jim McKay
speaking to you live at this moment
from ABC Headquarters just outside
the Olympic Village in Munich, West
Germany. The peace of what’s been
called the “Serene Olympics” was
shattered just before dawn this
morning around 5 o’clock when...

GEOFF
Cam 2 on preview. Balcony pan.
(checks preview)
Ready 2, take 2.

Live Cam 2: Pan across the balcony of building 31.

McKAY (V.O.)
...a group of terrorists armed with
submachine guns, faces blackened...

GEOFF
Dissolve to 3.

Crossfade: Tower cam. Wide shot Connollystrasse.

McKAY (V.O.)
...climbed the fence into the
Olympic Village...

GEOFF
2, close up door. Good. Hold it,
hold it.... And take 2.

Crossfade Live Cam 2: The entrance door.

McKAY (V.O.)
...headed to the Israeli team’s
quarters...

GEOFF
Studio on deck. Take 1.

McKAY
...and immediately killed one man:
Moshe Weinberg, a coach. Two shots
to the head, one to the stomach.
They are holding ten more hostages
and the latest report is that one
more has been killed.
(beat)
Peter Jennings is inside the
Village. Let’s go to Peter now.

GEOFF
Ready 2, Take 2.


The telephone receiver construction sends Jennings’ voice
over the air.

JENNINGS
Jim, I’m directly across from the
Israeli building. It will be a
famous number before long. It is
31. It is on Connollystraße. The
reports here vary dramatically as
to what is going on.

MCKAY
Peter, do we already know who is
responsible for the attack?

Geoff signals the SOUND TECHNICIANS in the audio booth to
turn up the volume on Jennings.

JENNINGS
There is a great deal of
speculation one could indulge in,
which would be risky, but if I were
to guess I would most likely
narrow in on a group called “Black
September”. That however is pure
speculation.

GEOFF
Back to 1.

Jim KcKay in the studio:

MCKAY
Thank you, Peter. Something that is
not speculation is that one of the
hostages is David Berger, 26 years
old, a former United States
citizen, we are told by the
Israelis. Moved there about two
years ago. Is in the light
heavyweight class.

GEOFF
Roll tape 5.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In a tense editing and control room, Gladys prepares the title for a live broadcast as Geoff coordinates the production team. As the countdown ends, they roll the title 'TERRORIST ATTACK AT THE OLYMPICS' and transition to Jim McKay, who reports on a terrorist attack at the Munich Olympics, detailing the killing of an Israeli coach and a hostage situation. Peter Jennings adds insights from the scene, while Geoff manages the technical aspects of the broadcast, capturing the urgency of the unfolding crisis.
Strengths
  • Realistic portrayal of a newsroom during a crisis
  • Effective building of tension and urgency
  • Sharp and informative dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development in the scene
  • Some technical details may be overwhelming for viewers

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys the high-stakes nature of the situation, the professionalism of the news team, and the tension surrounding the unfolding events. The pacing is well-maintained, and the dialogue is sharp and informative.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of showcasing the behind-the-scenes workings of a newsroom during a crisis is engaging and provides insight into the challenges and decisions involved in reporting on a major event.

Plot: 8.5

The plot of the scene revolves around the news team preparing for and executing a live broadcast of a terrorist attack at the Olympics, effectively building tension and conveying the gravity of the situation.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a unique and fresh approach to the familiar setting of a live broadcast, focusing on the behind-the-scenes dynamics and ethical dilemmas faced by the characters. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters in the scene are focused, professional, and driven by the need to report accurately on the unfolding crisis. Their interactions and decisions drive the narrative forward.

Character Changes: 7

While there is not significant character development in this scene, the characters are shown to be focused, determined, and professional in their roles, which reinforces their established traits.

Internal Goal: 8

Geoff's internal goal is to maintain control and professionalism during the live broadcast despite the intense and tragic events unfolding. This reflects his need to excel in his job and handle high-pressure situations.

External Goal: 9

Geoff's external goal is to successfully direct the live broadcast of the terrorist attack at the Olympics, ensuring that the information is communicated accurately and effectively to the audience.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict in the scene is primarily external, revolving around the terrorist attack and the decisions the news team must make in covering the event. There is also internal conflict regarding the ethical implications of broadcasting sensitive content.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the characters facing difficult decisions and ethical dilemmas that challenge their professionalism and moral compass.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes in the scene are extremely high, with lives on the line, the need to report accurately on a crisis, and the ethical considerations of broadcasting sensitive content all adding to the tension and urgency of the situation.

Story Forward: 9

The scene effectively moves the story forward by providing crucial information about the terrorist attack, setting up the live broadcast, and escalating the tension as the events unfold.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists and turns in the live broadcast, as well as the ethical dilemmas faced by the characters. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how the situation will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the ethical considerations of broadcasting a tragic event live and the responsibility of the media to report accurately without causing panic or sensationalizing the situation.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene has a strong emotional impact due to the tense atmosphere, the high stakes of the situation, and the professionalism of the news team in the face of a crisis.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene is informative, realistic, and serves to convey important details about the unfolding events. It effectively captures the urgency and seriousness of the situation.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its high stakes, fast-paced action, and the sense of urgency created by the live broadcast setting. The audience is drawn into the tension and drama of the unfolding events.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is expertly crafted to build tension and suspense, with a balance of fast-paced action and moments of reflection that enhance the emotional impact of the events.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of the scene adheres to the expected format for a screenplay, with clear scene headings, dialogue, and action descriptions that enhance the readability and flow of the scene.

Structure: 9

The scene follows the expected structure for a tense and dramatic live broadcast sequence, with clear direction and pacing that heightens the suspense.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the tension and urgency of a live broadcast during a crisis, which is essential for the narrative. The countdown and the technical jargon used by the characters create a realistic portrayal of a control room environment, immersing the audience in the high-stakes atmosphere.
  • However, the dialogue could benefit from more emotional depth. While the technical aspects are well-executed, the characters' emotional responses to the unfolding tragedy are somewhat muted. Adding moments of hesitation, fear, or moral conflict could enhance the emotional weight of the scene.
  • The transition from the editing room to the control room is smooth, but the scene could use more visual variety. Describing the physical reactions of the crew members, such as their body language or facial expressions, would help convey the gravity of the situation more effectively.
  • The dialogue between Roone and Geoff regarding the potential for violence is crucial, but it feels somewhat rushed. Expanding this exchange could provide insight into their characters and the ethical dilemmas they face, making the stakes feel even higher.
  • The use of technical terms and commands is appropriate for the setting, but it may alienate viewers who are not familiar with broadcasting jargon. Consider simplifying some of the language or providing context through the characters' reactions to make it more accessible.
Suggestions
  • Incorporate more emotional dialogue or internal monologue from Geoff and other crew members to highlight their personal stakes in the situation. This could include fears about the consequences of their broadcast or reflections on the human cost of the events unfolding.
  • Add descriptive details about the physical environment and the crew's reactions to enhance the visual storytelling. For example, describe the tension in the air, the sweat on their brows, or the way their hands tremble as they operate the equipment.
  • Consider extending the conversation between Roone and Geoff to delve deeper into the ethical implications of their coverage. This could create a more nuanced portrayal of their characters and the moral dilemmas faced by journalists in crisis situations.
  • Introduce a moment of silence or a pause before the broadcast begins to emphasize the gravity of the situation. This could serve as a powerful contrast to the frenetic energy of the control room and allow the audience to absorb the seriousness of the events.
  • Ensure that the technical commands and jargon are balanced with character-driven moments. This will help maintain the authenticity of the setting while also keeping the audience emotionally engaged.



Scene 30 - Tension in the Control Room
INT. VTR ROOM - DAY

A VTR TECHNICIAN stands at one of one of the gigantic VTR
Machines. Tape starts rolling.


MCKAY VTR TECH
(over speakers) (quietly into headset)
After receiving a law degree Rolling, ready in seven,
from Columbia University, six,
Berger failed to qualify for five,
the US team. To fulfill his four,
dream of the Olympics, he three,
emigrated to Israel. Two days two,
ago, he was interviewed by one. 5 ready to go.
Peter Jennings for an ABC GEOFF
color piece. (over headset)
Hit it.

The Technician pushes a button on the machine.


INT. CONTROL ROOM - DAY

David Berger now appears on the main monitor. The segment
from the Dachau report:

DAVID BERGER
That’s exactly what the Olympics
are all about, you know. Like our
fencing coach Andrei says, we’re
here and can talk to Germans, chat
with athletes from Lebanon or
Egypt. This is what we were
dreaming about. It is not just
about sports, you know?
(smiles into camera)
Or as my mother always says: You
may not be the world’s best
weightlifter, but you’re certainly
the smartest!

GEOFF
Back to 1 clean.

Bader’s satisfied to see Geoff’s really good at this. He
stands up, whispers to Roone:

BADER
I’ll get back to Hans Klein, wait
for the latest.

Roone nods, focuses back on Geoff who’s going full-steam.

GEOFF
Bird caption on my cue... And now.

Caption: LIVE VIA SATELLITE FROM MUNICH, GERMANY

MCKAY
Ladies and Gentlemen, these dreams
have been shattered by this
terrible, terrible attack.
(MORE)

MCKAY (CONT’D)
The terrorists have demanded the
release of some 200 Arab guerrilla
prisoners in Israel in exchange for
the lives of Israeli athletes. They
had set a deadline of noon. That
deadline obviously has passed.
Nobody knows what is going to
happen now.

Tension builds as everybody watches the screen. Waiting for
something to happen.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In a VTR room, a technician prepares for a segment featuring David Berger discussing the Olympic spirit. As the broadcast begins, control room crew members Geoff and Bader manage the flow of the segment. Tension escalates when McKay reports a terrorist attack threatening Israeli athletes, demanding prisoner releases for their safety. The scene captures the shift from hopeful dialogue to a grave situation, leaving the crew and audience in suspense as they await further developments.
Strengths
  • Effective tension-building
  • Realistic portrayal of a live broadcast
  • Ethical dilemmas add depth
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development
  • Some dialogue feels exposition-heavy

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene effectively conveys the tension and urgency of the situation, keeping the audience engaged with high stakes and ethical considerations.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of showcasing a live broadcast of a terrorist attack at the Olympics is compelling and effectively executed, highlighting the ethical and moral dilemmas faced by the media.

Plot: 9

The plot of the scene revolves around the live broadcast of the terrorist attack, effectively building tension and setting up the ethical conflicts faced by the characters.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the theme of terrorism and international relations, blending it with the backdrop of the Olympics. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters in the scene are focused on their roles in the broadcast, with hints of their personalities shining through in their actions and decisions.

Character Changes: 7

While there are subtle hints of character development, the focus is more on the immediate actions and decisions of the characters in response to the crisis.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to report on the unfolding events of the terrorist attack and convey the gravity of the situation to the audience. This reflects their deeper need to inform and educate the public about important events.

External Goal: 7.5

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to deliver a compelling news report that captures the attention of the viewers and conveys the seriousness of the situation. This reflects the immediate challenge of reporting on a breaking news event.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is high, with the ethical dilemmas, high stakes, and urgency of the situation driving the tension and drama.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the threat of terrorism and the uncertainty of the situation creating a sense of danger and suspense.

High Stakes: 10

The stakes are extremely high in the scene, with the lives of hostages, ethical responsibilities of the media, and global implications of the terrorist attack all hanging in the balance.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by introducing the terrorist attack, setting up the ethical conflicts, and escalating the tension for future developments.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected turn of events with the terrorist attack and the uncertainty of the outcome, keeping the audience guessing.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the clash between the ideals of the Olympics as a symbol of unity and peace, and the harsh reality of terrorism and violence. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs in the power of sports to bring people together.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene evokes anxiety, concern, and determination in the audience, drawing them into the intense atmosphere of the live broadcast.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is focused on conveying information and setting the tone for the broadcast, with moments of tension and urgency effectively portrayed.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its fast-paced action, high stakes, and suspenseful atmosphere that keeps the audience on the edge of their seats.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the unfolding events.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene adheres to the standard format for a screenplay, clearly indicating the setting, characters, and dialogue.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected format for a news broadcast scene, effectively building tension and suspense as the events unfold.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension by juxtaposing the hopeful words of David Berger with the grim reality of the terrorist attack. This contrast enhances the emotional weight of the moment, making the audience more invested in the unfolding crisis.
  • The dialogue is well-crafted, particularly Berger's optimistic perspective on the Olympics, which serves to highlight the tragedy of the situation. However, the transition from his hopeful message to the grim news delivered by McKay could be more seamless to maintain the emotional flow.
  • Geoff's role as a director is clear, and his commands help to establish the urgency of the situation. However, his character could benefit from more internal conflict or emotional depth, especially given the gravity of the events being reported. This would make him more relatable and engaging for the audience.
  • The pacing of the scene is effective, with the countdown from the VTR technician creating a sense of urgency. However, the scene could benefit from a brief moment of silence or a pause after McKay's announcement to allow the weight of the news to settle in with the audience and the characters.
  • The visual elements are strong, particularly the use of the main monitor to display Berger's segment. However, additional descriptions of the control room's atmosphere—such as the crew's reactions or the sounds of the machines—could enhance the immersive quality of the scene.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of reflection or reaction from Geoff after McKay's announcement to deepen his emotional response to the situation.
  • Enhance the transition between Berger's hopeful message and McKay's grim report by incorporating a visual or auditory cue that signifies the shift in tone, such as a sudden change in background music or a close-up of the crew's worried expressions.
  • Include more sensory details about the control room environment, such as the sounds of the machines, the tension in the air, or the expressions of the crew members, to create a more vivid and engaging atmosphere.
  • Explore the possibility of adding a line or two of dialogue from Bader or Roone that reflects their concerns about the implications of airing such a segment, which could further emphasize the ethical dilemmas faced by the crew.
  • Consider ending the scene with a more impactful visual or auditory cue, such as a close-up of the monitor showing the aftermath of the attack, to leave the audience with a lasting impression of the gravity of the situation.



Scene 31 - Negotiation in the Editing Room
INT. EDITING ROOM - DAY

Marianne listens to the radio in the quiet room. Taking
notes. Behind her Hank scans the shelves, looking through
audio tracks. Carter enters with newly developed film rolls.

He threads the film into the Steenbeck. Hits play.

Marianne quiets the news as both she and Hank turn to watch
the Steenbeck’s monitor:

Next to the Leader we now see for the first time the
Policewoman who is handling the negotiations.

HANK
Can you believe this lady’s the
negotiator? She doesn’t strike me
as the hard boiled type.

MARIANNE
(sees something else)
If the terrorists underestimate her
like you do, she might have a
chance to get inform--

HANK
Just look. She’s asking him for
cigarettes! Can you believe that?

The white-suited Leader gives the Woman a cigarette. She
takes it. He lights hers, then lights one up for himself.

MARIANNE
No, no, she’s earning his trust.

Hank shakes his head, sure, returns to his work.

On the screen the Leader goes back inside. The Policewoman
pulls out a walkie.

MARIANNE (CONT’D)
I just wish I could hear what she’s
saying.

Carter looks at Marianne, inspired.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In an editing room, Marianne and Hank debate the effectiveness of a policewoman negotiating with a terrorist leader as they watch newly developed film. While Hank expresses skepticism about the policewoman's abilities, Marianne argues that she is gaining the leader's trust, especially after he offers her a cigarette. The scene captures their conflicting perspectives amidst a tense atmosphere, ending with Marianne wishing to hear their conversation.
Strengths
  • Tension-building through dialogue and actions
  • Character depth and complexity
  • Effective use of visuals to enhance storytelling
Weaknesses
  • Limited focus on character development during the negotiation
  • Potential for more dynamic interactions between characters

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively builds tension and suspense through the negotiation process, keeping the audience engaged and intrigued. The focus on trust-building adds depth to the characters and the overall plot.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of negotiating trust in a high-stakes situation is compelling and adds depth to the overall narrative. It explores the complexities of communication and strategy in a tense environment.

Plot: 8.5

The plot advances through the negotiation process, revealing character dynamics and setting up future developments. The negotiation scene is crucial for establishing the stakes and motivations of the characters.

Originality: 8

The scene presents a fresh take on negotiation dynamics, focusing on subtle gestures and actions to convey trust and strategy. The characters' dialogue feels authentic and adds depth to the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-developed, with the policewoman and the terrorist leader showing depth and complexity in their interactions. Their actions and dialogue reveal their motivations and strategies.

Character Changes: 7

While there are subtle shifts in the characters' perceptions of each other during the negotiation, the scene focuses more on establishing their initial dynamics and strategies.

Internal Goal: 8

Marianne's internal goal is to understand and analyze the negotiation tactics of the Policewoman on screen. This reflects her desire for insight and understanding in high-pressure situations.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to successfully edit the film footage and capture the tension and dynamics of the negotiation scene. This reflects the immediate challenge of accurately portraying the events on screen.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The negotiation scene is filled with underlying tension and conflict, as the characters navigate a high-stakes situation with opposing goals and motivations.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting perceptions of negotiation tactics and trust. The audience is unsure of the outcome, adding to the suspense.

High Stakes: 9

The negotiation scene is high-stakes, as the characters' decisions and actions have significant consequences for the outcome of the crisis situation. The tension is palpable as they navigate the risks and rewards of trust-building.

Story Forward: 8

The negotiation scene moves the story forward by revealing key information about the characters, their motivations, and the escalating tensions in the overall plot.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the subtle gestures and actions that reveal unexpected layers of trust and strategy in the negotiation. The audience is kept on their toes.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between the perception of negotiation tactics - whether the Policewoman's approach is naive or strategic. This challenges Marianne and Hank's beliefs about negotiation and trust.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The negotiation scene evokes a sense of suspense and intrigue, keeping the audience emotionally invested in the outcome of the interaction between the characters.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is tense and engaging, reflecting the high-stakes nature of the negotiation. It effectively conveys the characters' emotions, intentions, and the evolving dynamics between them.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its tense atmosphere, sharp dialogue, and intriguing character dynamics. The audience is drawn into the negotiation process and the editing room's dynamics.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the negotiation dynamics.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene follows standard formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene descriptions and character actions. It is easy to visualize and follow.

Structure: 9

The scene follows a clear structure, moving smoothly from setup to tension to resolution. It effectively builds suspense and character dynamics.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension by focusing on the negotiation process, which is crucial given the high stakes of the situation. However, the dialogue between Hank and Marianne could be more dynamic. Currently, it feels somewhat expository and lacks emotional depth. Their differing perspectives on the policewoman's capabilities could be enhanced with more personal stakes or backstory, making their opinions feel more impactful.
  • The use of the Steenbeck monitor as a focal point is a strong visual choice, but the scene could benefit from more sensory details. Describing the sounds of the editing room, the flickering light from the monitor, or the tension in the air could immerse the audience further into the moment. This would help convey the gravity of the situation and the uncertainty surrounding the negotiations.
  • Hank's skepticism about the policewoman's abilities contrasts well with Marianne's optimism, but the dialogue could be sharpened to reflect their personalities more distinctly. For instance, Hank could have a more sarcastic or cynical tone, while Marianne could express her hopefulness with more conviction. This would create a clearer emotional divide between the characters and enhance their dynamic.
  • The scene ends with Marianne expressing a desire to hear the policewoman's conversation, which is a good setup for future tension. However, it might be more effective to include a moment of silence or a shared look between the characters that emphasizes their concern and anticipation. This would heighten the emotional stakes and leave the audience with a stronger sense of urgency.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more sensory details to the scene to create a richer atmosphere. Describe the sounds, lighting, and physical sensations in the editing room to enhance immersion.
  • Revise the dialogue to make it more dynamic and reflective of the characters' personalities. Use subtext to convey their feelings about the situation rather than stating them outright.
  • Incorporate a moment of shared tension or silence between Hank and Marianne at the end of the scene to emphasize their concern and anticipation, making the stakes feel more immediate.
  • Explore the backstory of the policewoman through the characters' dialogue. This could add depth to their discussion and make the audience more invested in her success.



Scene 32 - Contrasting Realities at the Olympics
INT. CONTROL ROOM - DAY

Geoff stares at the Main Monitor:

MCKAY
The Olympics at this moment are
still continuing.

GEOFF
(nods, into headset)
Take 3. Roll Tape 4.

The screen now shows aerial shots of the Olympic village.

MCKAY
There is a very strange atmosphere,
we’re only 500 yards away from this
building here. And within 200 yards
from that building there is a man-
made pond, very lovely, with little
ducklings, where the athletes lay
out and take sun.

Images of athletes sunbathing.

MCKAY (CONT’D)
And that’s what they’re doing right
now. They’re swimming, talking
technique with other athletes and
yet this grim terrible thing is
taking place right there inside the
village.

Roone glances at the clocks beside the monitor wall.

ROONE
(gets up, to Geoff)
I’ll make sure we can stay on the
bird.

He walks out. Geoff looks at the two clocks. Then he turns to
the COMMUNICATOR.

GEOFF
What is he talking about? Don't we
still have 3pm?

COMMUNICATOR
(shakes head)
He swapped slots.

All of a sudden:

TECHNICIAN (O.S.)
Ufffffff!

Geoff turns around to see what’s going on. TWO TECHNICIANS in
the back row are watching a table monitor, excited.


One of them turns the monitor, so Geoff can see: It’s the
boxing match between Téofilo and Bobick. Téofilo has just
landed a knock-out. The referee is counting down.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In the control room during the Olympics, Geoff monitors the broadcast while McKay comments on the stark contrast between the athletes' leisure activities and the grim events occurring nearby. Roone leaves to manage coverage logistics, and Geoff learns of an unexpected schedule change. The scene shifts as technicians excitedly react to a boxing match, where Téofilo knocks out Bobick, highlighting the tension and urgency amidst the festivities.
Strengths
  • Tension-building
  • Character development
  • Ethical dilemmas
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue could be more impactful

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively builds tension and urgency, setting up a crucial moment in the story with high stakes and ethical considerations.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of preparing for a live broadcast of a terrorist attack at the Olympics is compelling and drives the narrative forward.

Plot: 8.5

The plot advances significantly in this scene, setting up the broadcast and introducing key ethical dilemmas and conflicts.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on the Olympics, combining technical aspects of broadcasting with the emotional impact of the events unfolding.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-developed, each facing internal conflicts and dilemmas that add depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 8

Several characters undergo internal changes as they grapple with ethical decisions and the pressure of the situation.

Internal Goal: 8

Geoff's internal goal in this scene is to maintain control and stay on top of the situation, as evidenced by his interactions with the other characters and his focus on the monitors.

External Goal: 7

Geoff's external goal is to ensure the smooth running of the broadcast and to keep track of the events happening at the Olympic village.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8.5

The level of conflict is high, with characters facing internal and external challenges as they prepare for the live broadcast.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene, such as technical issues and unexpected developments, adds complexity and uncertainty to the characters' goals and actions.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are extremely high in this scene, with the characters facing the challenge of broadcasting a terrorist attack live on television.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward, setting up a crucial moment in the narrative and introducing key conflicts.

Unpredictability: 7

The scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected developments and technical challenges that arise, keeping the audience on their toes.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

There is a philosophical conflict between the peaceful, idyllic scenes of athletes sunbathing and the grim reality of something terrible happening within the village. This conflict challenges the characters' perceptions of the Olympics and the contrast between appearance and reality.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a strong emotional response from the audience, particularly due to the high stakes and ethical dilemmas presented.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue effectively conveys the tension and urgency of the situation, with characters grappling with ethical decisions and high stakes.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to the combination of technical details, character dynamics, and the unfolding drama at the Olympic village.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds suspense and maintains the audience's interest through a balance of dialogue and action.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene adheres to the expected format for a control room setting during a live broadcast, enhancing the realism and immersion.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure that effectively conveys the progression of events and character interactions.


Critique
  • The scene effectively contrasts the ongoing Olympic festivities with the grim reality of the hostage situation, creating a palpable tension that reflects the emotional stakes of the narrative. However, the transition from the serious tone of the hostage crisis to the excitement of the boxing match feels abrupt and could benefit from a smoother narrative flow.
  • Geoff's confusion about the schedule swap adds a layer of realism to the scene, showcasing the chaotic environment of a live broadcast. However, the dialogue could be more dynamic; Geoff's line about the time feels somewhat flat and could be rephrased to convey more urgency or frustration.
  • The use of visuals, such as the aerial shots of the Olympic village and the images of athletes sunbathing, is effective in juxtaposing the two worlds. However, the scene could benefit from more descriptive language to enhance the visual imagery and immerse the audience further into the contrasting atmospheres.
  • The technicians' excitement over the boxing match serves as a moment of levity, but it risks undermining the gravity of the situation. This tonal shift could be better integrated to maintain the tension while still allowing for moments of human reaction.
  • Roone's action of checking the clocks and ensuring they stay on the air adds to the sense of urgency, but his dialogue could be more impactful. Instead of simply stating he will make sure they stay on the bird, he could express the stakes involved, emphasizing the importance of their coverage.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a line of dialogue for Geoff that expresses his concern or frustration about the schedule change, which would enhance his character's emotional state and the urgency of the situation.
  • Incorporate more vivid descriptions of the visuals on the monitor to create a stronger contrast between the carefree athletes and the tense atmosphere surrounding the hostage situation.
  • To maintain the tension, consider having the technicians' excitement about the boxing match be more subdued or conflicted, reflecting the gravity of the ongoing crisis rather than a moment of pure joy.
  • Explore the possibility of having Roone's dialogue reflect the stakes of the broadcast more clearly, perhaps by mentioning the need to keep the audience informed about the crisis while still covering the Olympics.
  • Consider adding a brief moment where Geoff reacts to the boxing match, perhaps with a conflicted expression, to highlight the emotional turmoil of covering such contrasting events simultaneously.



Scene 33 - Lost in Translation
INT. TRANSMISSION ROOM - DAY

INSERT: The housing of a transistor radio is removed.

Hank twiddles with the condenser, while Carter connects the
antenna to an improvised extension wire.

Marianne stands nearby, surveys the huge transmitting console
flowing with cables, sending out images across the globe.

Hank can’t get more than static from the radio.

HANK
Damn it!
(deep breath)
Can you get us some coffee, please?

He fixes on Marianne. She looks around. Yes, he means her.

MARIANNE
Um, okay.

Marianne goes.

Hank keeps tweaking. Suddenly, the policewoman’s voice comes
out of the radio:

POLICEWOMAN (CB)
Der Anführer verlangt Verpflegung.

Hank and Carter turn their heads to room’s control monitor:
The live image shows the policewoman speaking into her walkie
talkie. They receive her message simultaneously over the
radio:

POLICEWOMAN (CB) (CONT’D)
Laut seinen Angaben für insgesamt
20 Personen.

Carter looks at Hank.

CARTER
Great. And you sent away the one
person who could understand this.

A beat. Then Hank rushes out.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In a tense yet comedic scene set in a transmission room, Hank struggles to fix a radio while Carter connects an antenna. Marianne is reluctantly sent to fetch coffee, leaving the group without someone who can understand a crucial message from a policewoman in German, requesting supplies for 20 people. Realizing the oversight, Hank rushes out to find Marianne, highlighting the urgency of the situation.
Strengths
  • Effective use of radio transmission to convey critical information
  • Building tension and urgency through technical challenges
  • Advancing the plot and setting up the next phase of the narrative
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development in this specific scene
  • Dialogue could be more dynamic to enhance character interactions

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.2

The scene effectively builds tension and urgency through the use of technical equipment and communication devices, creating a sense of impending danger and high stakes.


Story Content

Concept: 8.3

The concept of using a transmission room to convey critical information about the hostage situation is innovative and adds depth to the scene. It effectively showcases the technical aspects of broadcasting during a crisis.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene revolves around the urgent need to decipher a message from the policewoman and the technical challenges faced by the team in the transmission room. It advances the overall narrative of the hostage situation.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a unique situation where the characters must communicate with a policewoman using a radio, adding a fresh twist to a familiar problem-solving scenario. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue enhances the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 7.5

The characters in the scene, particularly Hank and Carter, are focused on their tasks and convey a sense of urgency and frustration. While they serve their purpose in advancing the plot, there is room for further development.

Character Changes: 7

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the urgency and tension of the situation could lead to potential character development in future scenes.

Internal Goal: 8

Hank's internal goal is to successfully communicate with the policewoman and understand her message. This reflects his desire to solve the current situation and his fear of failing to do so.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to make the radio work and receive important messages. This reflects the immediate challenge they are facing in trying to communicate with the policewoman.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict in the scene arises from the technical challenges faced by the team in deciphering the message from the policewoman, adding to the overall tension and urgency.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the characters facing difficult challenges in trying to communicate with the policewoman. The audience is unsure of how they will overcome these obstacles.

High Stakes: 8

The high stakes of the hostage situation are effectively conveyed in the scene, adding to the tension and urgency of the situation.

Story Forward: 9

The scene effectively moves the story forward by providing critical information about the ongoing hostage situation and setting up the next phase of the narrative.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected challenges the characters face in trying to communicate with the policewoman and the tension that arises from their lack of understanding.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

There is a philosophical conflict between the characters' lack of understanding of the policewoman's message and the urgency of the situation. This challenges their beliefs about communication and problem-solving.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7.8

The scene evokes a sense of anxiety and concern due to the high stakes involved in the ongoing hostage situation. The urgency and frustration of the characters contribute to the emotional impact.

Dialogue: 7.8

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the technical challenges faced by the characters and adds to the overall tension. It could be more dynamic to enhance character interactions.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the high stakes, urgent tone, and clear character motivations. The audience is invested in the characters' success in communicating with the policewoman.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and maintaining the audience's interest. The rhythm of the dialogue and action keeps the scene moving forward.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear action and dialogue that advance the plot and develop the characters.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension by juxtaposing the mundane task of fixing a radio with the high-stakes situation unfolding outside. However, the transition from the boxing match to the transmission room could be smoother to maintain the urgency of the narrative.
  • The dialogue is functional but lacks emotional depth. While Hank's frustration is clear, Marianne's response feels somewhat passive. Adding more internal conflict or urgency to her character could enhance the scene's emotional weight.
  • The use of the policewoman's voice as a plot device is clever, but it could be more impactful if the audience had a clearer understanding of the stakes involved. Providing a brief context about the situation could heighten the tension when the policewoman's message is received.
  • Carter's line about sending away the only person who could understand the message is humorous but could also serve as a moment of tension. It might be more effective if it were delivered with a sense of urgency or panic, reflecting the gravity of the situation.
  • The scene ends abruptly with Hank rushing out, which could leave the audience wanting more. A stronger closing line or moment could provide a more satisfying transition to the next scene.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief flashback or dialogue that provides context about the policewoman's role and the significance of her message, which would enhance the stakes of the scene.
  • Enhance Marianne's character by giving her a more active role in the scene. Perhaps she could express her own frustration or urgency about the situation, making her more relatable and engaged.
  • Incorporate more sensory details to create a vivid atmosphere in the transmission room. Describe the sounds, smells, or visual chaos of the equipment to immerse the audience in the scene.
  • Revise Carter's line to reflect a more urgent tone, emphasizing the seriousness of the situation rather than just humor. This could help maintain the tension as the scene progresses.
  • Consider ending the scene with a more dramatic moment, such as Hank pausing to listen to the policewoman's message before rushing out, which could create a stronger emotional impact and lead into the next scene.



Scene 34 - Tension on Connollystrasse
INT. CONTROL ROOM - DAY

Jennings excitedly reports over the phone:


JENNINGS
Something’s happening here in
Connollystrasse.

Geoff and the crew take their eyes off the boxing match back
to the monitor wall: the live cameras show German officials
walking up to the terrorist Leader. Followed by two Men in
chef’s hats carrying baskets of food.

JENNINGS (CONT’D)
It seems like they’re bringing food
now. If you ask me, these are
policemen dressed up as cooks.

GEOFF
(into headset)
Tower keep tracking them.
(aside to Jacques)
Jesus Christ, my half-blind grandma
could see that those “cooks” are
cops.


INT. ROONE'S OFFICE

Roone has the phone to his ear. Tense.

ROONE
Change it! That’s my fucking
suggestion. They can’t have the
slot. You guys think of something,
I have to keep going.

He hangs up and looks at the TV: The German officials taste
the food as the Leader watches.

JENNINGS
Looks like they’re proving the food
isn’t poisoned. Now the cooks seem
eager to carry in the food... but
the leader takes it from them, goes
in alone...Whatever the Germans
tried to achieve here, it failed.

Roone shakes his head and changes channel. Sees something
that triggers his interest.


INT. CONTROL ROOM

Phone in front of Geoff rings.

ROONE
(over amplifier)
Check Channel 11. Who is he?


Geoff turns to the table monitor behind him. The BACKROW
TECHNICIAN switches channels: Israeli station Channel 11’s
Anchorman interviews a tired-looking heavyset man.

Geoff checks the profiles up on the wall.

GEOFF
Looks like Tuvia Sokolsky. One of
the Israelis who escaped.

ROONE
Why don’t we have him?

GEOFF
(turns to crew)
Damn. Someone run over to their lot
and grab him!

Larry runs off.

GEOFF (CONT’D)
(shouts after him)
And tell JJ we’re hungry.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In a control room, Jennings excitedly reports live footage of German officials approaching a terrorist leader, suspecting the cooks with them are undercover policemen. Roone, feeling the pressure, demands a change in strategy as the officials taste the food to check for poison. The leader takes the food inside alone, indicating a failed attempt. Roone instructs Geoff to check Channel 11, revealing an Israeli escapee, Tuvia Sokolsky. Geoff humorously sends Larry to retrieve Sokolsky while joking about food, highlighting the urgency and tension of the situation.
Strengths
  • Tension-building
  • Character interactions
  • Ethical dilemmas
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development
  • Some pacing issues

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively combines multiple elements such as negotiation, live reporting, and character interactions to create a tense and engaging atmosphere. The pacing is well-executed, and the stakes are clearly established.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of negotiating a satellite slot swap, reporting on a hostage situation, and dealing with ethical concerns in broadcasting a live event is compelling and keeps the audience engaged.

Plot: 8.5

The plot progresses effectively by introducing new elements such as the negotiation, live reporting, and character dynamics. It sets up conflicts and raises the stakes for the upcoming broadcast.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh take on a familiar scenario of a hostage situation, adding layers of deception and mistrust among the characters. The dialogue feels authentic and adds depth to the characters' motivations.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-developed, with distinct personalities and motivations. Their interactions and reactions add depth to the scene and contribute to the overall tension.

Character Changes: 7

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the interactions and decisions made by the characters hint at potential developments in their arcs as the story progresses.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to maintain control and make quick decisions under pressure. This reflects their need for competence and leadership in a crisis situation.

External Goal: 7.5

The protagonist's external goal is to capture Tuvia Sokolsky, one of the Israelis who escaped. This reflects the immediate challenge of obtaining crucial information.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The scene has a high level of conflict, both in terms of the negotiation process and the live reporting of a hostage situation. The ethical dilemmas faced by the characters add to the conflict.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with characters facing difficult decisions and conflicting motivations. The audience is left unsure of how events will unfold.

High Stakes: 9

The scene establishes high stakes through the negotiation process, the live reporting of a hostage situation, and the ethical dilemmas faced by the characters. The decisions made in this scene will have significant consequences.

Story Forward: 8

The scene effectively moves the story forward by introducing new conflicts, raising the stakes, and setting up the next phase of the broadcast. It keeps the audience engaged and eager to see what happens next.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting dynamics between characters and the unexpected twists in the plot. The audience is kept on their toes.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between trust and suspicion. The characters must navigate their beliefs about the intentions of the German officials and the terrorist leader.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene has a strong emotional impact, particularly in the tense moments of negotiation and the live reporting of a potentially dangerous situation. The audience is drawn into the characters' dilemmas and decisions.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is sharp and realistic, reflecting the urgency and high-pressure environment of the control room. It effectively conveys the characters' emotions and motivations.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its fast-paced action, sharp dialogue, and high stakes. The tension keeps the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a balance of action and dialogue that keeps the story moving forward. The rhythm adds to the tension and suspense.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings and action descriptions. The dialogue is formatted correctly.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with well-defined character actions and dialogue. It effectively builds tension and suspense.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension by juxtaposing the light-hearted atmosphere of the boxing match with the serious developments in Connollystrasse. This contrast heightens the stakes and keeps the audience engaged.
  • Jennings' dialogue is lively and informative, providing a sense of urgency. However, the transition from the boxing match to the unfolding crisis could be smoother. The abrupt shift might disorient viewers who are invested in the lighter moment.
  • Geoff's reaction to the situation is relatable and adds a touch of humor, but it could benefit from a deeper emotional response. Given the gravity of the events unfolding, a more serious tone from Geoff could enhance the scene's impact.
  • Roone's frustration is palpable, but his dialogue could be more concise. The use of profanity adds intensity, but it might overshadow the urgency of the situation. Streamlining his lines could maintain the tension without losing the character's essence.
  • The visual elements, such as the German officials tasting the food, are compelling, but the significance of this action could be more explicitly tied to the overall narrative. Clarifying why this moment matters in the context of the hostage situation would strengthen the scene.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of reflection from Geoff or another character about the gravity of the situation before the shift to the boxing match. This could help set the tone for the impending crisis.
  • Enhance Geoff's emotional response to the situation by incorporating a line that reflects his concern for the hostages or the implications of the German officials' actions.
  • Streamline Roone's dialogue to maintain urgency while ensuring his frustration is clear. For example, instead of 'You guys think of something, I have to keep going,' consider a more direct line like, 'We need a new plan, now!'
  • Clarify the significance of the German officials tasting the food by adding a line that connects it to the larger narrative, such as a character commenting on the absurdity of the situation given the stakes involved.
  • Consider using a visual cue, such as a close-up of the monitor showing the officials, to emphasize the tension and the stakes of the moment, allowing the audience to feel the weight of the situation.



Scene 35 - Tension at the Control Room
INT. HALLWAY - DAY

JJ is at the catering table, peanut buttering slices of toast
at impressive speed.


INT. TRANSMISSION ROOM - DAY

The CB by Marianne crackles:

POLICEWOMAN
Der Anführer hat das Ultimatum auf
17 Uhr verlängert.

Steaming coffee cups are placed in front of her and Carter.
By Hank, who looks at Marianne apologetically.

HANK
What’s all that mean?

MARIANNE
New ultimatum is 5pm.


INT. CONTROL ROOM - DAY

The crew watches the main monitor: Zoom in on the balcony.

MCKAY
We’re moving in now on the windows,
behind which nine terrified living
human beings are being held
prisoner. And the demands are--


The window opens and someone peeks out.

MCKAY (CONT’D)
Peter, there is someone right now.
(beat)
Certainly has to be one of the
terrorists. One of them is believed
to be a woman.

JJ enters the room. Handing out sandwiches to the crew.

MCKAY (CONT’D)
And this has happened time and time
again. The door opening, the head
coming out to see what is going on.

Geoff takes a bite of his sandwich, while looking at the
monitor: The terrorist’s head disappears behind the window
again.

GEOFF
(into headset; chewing)
Hey Chuck, play that back to us in
slo-mo, will ya?
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In a high-stakes environment, JJ efficiently prepares sandwiches for the crew while a policewoman announces an extended ultimatum regarding a hostage situation. Marianne translates this critical update for Hank, who seeks clarity amidst the tension. Meanwhile, McKay monitors the situation, noting the presence of a terrorist, and Geoff requests a slow-motion replay of the terrorist's brief appearance at a window. The scene captures the urgency and focus of the crew as they navigate the unfolding crisis.
Strengths
  • Building tension and suspense
  • Realistic portrayal of a live broadcast
  • Effective pacing and editing
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development
  • Some technical jargon may be confusing for the audience

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively builds tension and suspense, setting up the stage for a critical moment in the story. The urgency and high stakes keep the audience engaged.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of showcasing the behind-the-scenes of a live broadcast during a crisis situation is engaging and adds depth to the story. The focus on the technical aspects and the ethical dilemmas faced by the crew enhances the narrative.

Plot: 8.5

The plot advances significantly in this scene, with the tension escalating as the crew prepares for the live broadcast of the terrorist attack. The stakes are raised, and the conflict intensifies, driving the story forward.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a familiar hostage situation but adds complexity through the moral dilemmas faced by the characters and the fast-paced dialogue. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are focused on their roles in the live broadcast, showcasing their professionalism and dedication under pressure. Their interactions and reactions add depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 7

While there are no significant character arcs in this scene, the characters demonstrate their professionalism, dedication, and ability to handle pressure, showcasing their strengths and capabilities.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to maintain composure and make strategic decisions under pressure. This reflects their need for control and their fear of failure in a life-threatening situation.

External Goal: 9

The protagonist's external goal is to rescue the hostages and apprehend the terrorists before the deadline. This reflects the immediate challenge they are facing and the stakes involved.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict in the scene is high, with the crew facing ethical dilemmas, technical challenges, and the looming threat of violence. The tension and stakes are palpable, driving the narrative forward.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the characters facing a life-threatening situation and conflicting priorities. The audience is kept in suspense about how the characters will overcome the obstacles they face.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes in the scene are extremely high, as the crew prepares to broadcast a terrorist attack live, facing ethical dilemmas, technical challenges, and the threat of violence. The outcome of the broadcast could have far-reaching consequences.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by setting up the live broadcast of the terrorist attack, escalating the tension, and raising the stakes for the characters. It marks a crucial moment in the narrative.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected actions of the terrorists and the shifting dynamics between the characters. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how the situation will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict is between the value of human life and the necessity of taking action to prevent harm. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs about the morality of violence and sacrifice.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a sense of anxiety, concern, and anticipation in the audience, as they witness the crew preparing for a live broadcast of a terrorist attack. The emotional impact is heightened by the high stakes and impending danger.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue is informative and serves the purpose of conveying critical information about the unfolding events. It effectively builds tension and sets the tone for the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the high stakes, fast-paced action, and moral dilemmas faced by the characters. The tension keeps the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and maintaining the audience's interest. The rhythm of the dialogue and action keeps the scene moving at a brisk pace.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene headings and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 9

The scene follows the expected structure for a tense action sequence in a thriller genre, with escalating tension and clear character motivations.


Critique
  • The scene effectively juxtaposes the mundane task of preparing sandwiches with the high-stakes tension of the hostage situation, creating a stark contrast that highlights the absurdity of normalcy amidst chaos. However, the transition between the catering table and the control room could be smoother to maintain the flow of the narrative.
  • The dialogue is functional but lacks emotional depth. While Hank's confusion about the policewoman's message serves a purpose, it could be enhanced by adding more urgency or concern in his tone, reflecting the gravity of the situation. This would help to elevate the stakes and engage the audience more deeply.
  • The character of JJ is introduced in a somewhat one-dimensional manner, primarily serving as a sandwich distributor. Providing him with a line or a brief moment of interaction could add depth to his character and make the scene feel more cohesive. This would also help to establish a sense of camaraderie among the crew.
  • The pacing of the scene feels uneven. The rapid-fire sandwich preparation by JJ contrasts with the slower, more tense moments in the control room. While this contrast is intentional, it may benefit from a more deliberate rhythm to enhance the tension and urgency of the hostage situation.
  • The visual elements are strong, particularly the focus on the monitor showing the hostage situation. However, incorporating more sensory details, such as the sounds of the control room or the atmosphere of tension among the crew, could further immerse the audience in the scene.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment where JJ interacts with the crew, perhaps making a joke or expressing concern about the situation, to give him more personality and create a stronger connection with the audience.
  • Enhance the dialogue to reflect the emotional weight of the situation. For example, Hank could express more urgency or fear about the implications of the ultimatum, which would heighten the tension.
  • Smooth out the transitions between the different locations (catering table, transmission room, control room) to create a more cohesive flow. This could be achieved through visual or auditory cues that link the scenes together.
  • Experiment with the pacing by interspersing quicker cuts between JJ's sandwich-making and the tense moments in the control room, allowing the audience to feel the urgency of the situation while still maintaining the comedic undertone.
  • Incorporate more sensory details to enrich the scene, such as the sounds of the control room buzzing with activity or the smell of the sandwiches, to create a more immersive experience for the audience.



Scene 36 - Tension and Humor in the Control Room
INT. VTR ROOM - DAY

The VTR Technician stops the tape. Grabs two checkers. Sticks
one in each roll. Uses them as handles to pull the tape
through the rollers in a steady, slow movement.

VTR TECHNICIAN
(into headset)
Take it.


INT. CONTROL ROOM - DAY

Main monitor: The shot plays forward in slow motion. Marked
with a big flashing REPLAY.

MCKAY
We see the moment again here in our
slow motion.

JENNINGS
It’s been such a terribly
tantalizing symbol of this
situation. What’s going on inside
of that head and that mind...

COMMUNICATOR
(phone receiver in hand)
Master Control wants a block of
five. Now.


GEOFF
(into mic)
Jim, commercial break in 10.

MCKAY
We’re going to take a very short
station break at this point. And
hopefully when we get back we have
at least some answers for you.

ASSISTANT DIRECTOR
And we’re off. Back in three
minutes.

The commercial starts: A young Michael Douglas rushes through
The Streets Of San Francisco, the new ABC crime show starting
soon.

A Technician switches on the fans. The propellers begin to
whirr.

Geoff turns to the table monitor in the back row.

GEOFF
Let’s check the competition.

He flips through the channels. Most TV stations report on the
situation in the Olympic Village, but Geoff is happy to see:

GEOFF (CONT’D)
Seems like we’re still the only
ones providing live images.

Jacques stops at German Broadcaster ZDF, showing a special
report from inside the village.

ZDF COMMENTATOR (O.S.)
Unterdessen wächst der Druck auf
das Olympische Komittee, die Spiele
abzubrechen.

We see a crowd of protesters holding up "stop the games"
signs. One of the protesters is interviewed:

PROTESTER
(broken English)
That is the best solution towards
the situation if you stop the game.
You focus the attention on the
situation and make the people
realize at the games that two
athletes were killed…

Now we see an athlete being interviewed. Title caption:
“Mohamed Tarabulsi, Lebanese Weightlifter”.


MOHAMED TARABULSI
My heart is very heavy today... As
an athlete and as an Arab, I would
like to express my solidarity with
my Israeli colleagues. I pray that
everything ends well.

Gladys walks in, as the ZDF reporter interviews the next
athlete:

ZDF REPORTER
May I ask you if you heard anything
this morning in the village?

Suddenly everyone in the control room starts smiling, as they
realize it’s:

GARY
Um, no.

ZDF REPORTER
You're here with the US delegation?

Gary’s obviously uncomfortable with the situation, but nods
to keep his cover.

ZDF REPORTER (CONT’D)
What is your discipline?

And poor Gary in his oversized tracksuit can't think of
anything better to say than...

GARY
Weightlifting.

Everyone in the room laughs, until:

LARRY
(serious voice)
He’s here.

Geoff gets up. Goes to the rear of the room. Takes the
curtain and pulls it open, revealing the large pane of glass.
Beyond it:

McKay left his seat. He stands with his back to us and
welcomes someone who just walked in the door: we catch a
glimpse of TUVIA SOKOLSKY, followed by a TRANSLATOR.

More crew appear next to Geoff. Like police officers
observing through a one-way mirror, they watch how Sokolsky
slowly takes Jim's hand.

McKay leads the surprisingly small weightlifting coach to a
chair. The man squints against the spotlight.

Geoff turns to the crew.


GEOFF
Somebody bring him some water.

Larry goes through the door to the stage.

Geoff returns forward to his chair. Sits down. Obviously more
comfortable watching over the monitor.

He waves behind him. The curtain is drawn again.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In a VTR and control room, a tape replaying a tense moment is analyzed by McKay and Jennings, who discuss its psychological implications. As the crew prepares for a commercial break, they monitor protests and athlete interviews, with Gary providing comic relief through awkward responses to a reporter. The atmosphere shifts with the serious arrival of Tuvia Sokolsky, the weightlifting coach, welcomed by McKay. The scene concludes with Geoff feeling more at ease as he observes the monitor, balancing the tension of the situation with moments of dark humor.
Strengths
  • Tension building
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Introduction of new elements
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development
  • Lack of significant character changes

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively builds tension and excitement as the crew prepares for a live broadcast during a high-stakes situation. The introduction of the weightlifting coach adds a layer of intrigue and humor, while the behind-the-scenes look at the control room dynamics keeps the audience engaged.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of showcasing the behind-the-scenes dynamics of a live broadcast during a terrorist attack at the Olympics is engaging and well-executed. The introduction of the weightlifting coach adds a unique element to the scene.

Plot: 8.5

The plot of the scene revolves around the crew preparing for a live broadcast during a high-stakes situation, with the introduction of the weightlifting coach adding a twist to the narrative. The plot effectively builds tension and sets up future developments.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces fresh perspectives on media coverage, international relations, and ethical dilemmas in a live broadcast setting. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters in the scene are well-defined, with each playing a specific role in the control room dynamics. The introduction of the weightlifting coach adds a new dimension to the character interactions.

Character Changes: 7

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the introduction of the weightlifting coach adds a new dynamic to the character interactions and sets the stage for potential development in future scenes.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to maintain control and professionalism in the face of unexpected developments during the broadcast. This reflects their need for composure and adaptability under pressure.

External Goal: 7.5

The protagonist's external goal is to successfully navigate the live broadcast and provide accurate coverage of the unfolding events at the Olympic Village. This reflects the immediate challenge of balancing journalistic integrity with the demands of live television.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict in the scene is primarily external, revolving around the terrorist attack at the Olympics and the crew's preparation for a live broadcast. The introduction of the weightlifting coach adds a layer of internal conflict and humor.

Opposition: 7.5

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the unexpected arrival of Tuvia Sokolsky creating a challenging and uncertain situation for the protagonist.

High Stakes: 9

The scene has high stakes due to the terrorist attack at the Olympics and the crew's preparation for a live broadcast. The introduction of the weightlifting coach adds a personal element to the high-stakes situation.

Story Forward: 9

The scene effectively moves the story forward by setting up the live broadcast, introducing new elements, and maintaining the tension and excitement of the situation. The introduction of the weightlifting coach adds a new layer to the narrative.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected arrival of Tuvia Sokolsky and the tension surrounding his interaction with the protagonist.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the ethical considerations of continuing the Olympic Games in the face of tragedy and protest. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs in the importance of fair and unbiased reporting.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene has a moderate emotional impact, with tension, excitement, and humor evoking a range of emotions in the audience. The high-stakes situation adds to the emotional intensity of the scene.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue in the scene is engaging and serves to move the plot forward. It effectively conveys the tension and urgency of the situation while also introducing humor through the interaction with the weightlifting coach.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its fast-paced dialogue, high-stakes conflict, and behind-the-scenes look at live television production.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the unfolding events.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene adheres to the expected format for a television control room setting, with clear scene headings and concise action descriptions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear and engaging structure, moving seamlessly between the VTR room and control room to build tension and suspense.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the tension and urgency of the situation, utilizing the slow-motion replay to emphasize the gravity of the events unfolding. However, the dialogue could be more impactful; while it conveys the necessary information, it lacks emotional depth. Consider adding more personal stakes or emotional reactions from the characters to enhance the viewer's connection to the situation.
  • The transition between the VTR room and the control room is smooth, but the scene could benefit from more visual variety. The use of different camera angles or shots could help to break up the monotony of the dialogue-heavy exchanges and keep the audience engaged. For instance, close-ups of the technicians' faces during tense moments could heighten the emotional stakes.
  • The humor introduced through Gary's awkward interview adds a light moment amidst the tension, but it feels slightly out of place given the gravity of the situation. While comic relief can be effective, it should be carefully balanced to avoid undermining the seriousness of the preceding events. Consider whether this moment serves the overall tone of the scene or if it detracts from the urgency.
  • The pacing of the scene is generally good, but the transition to the commercial break feels abrupt. It might be beneficial to build a little more tension before the break, perhaps by hinting at an impending revelation or crisis that will be addressed when they return. This would create a stronger cliffhanger effect and keep the audience invested.
  • The introduction of Tuvia Sokolsky is a pivotal moment, but the scene could do more to establish his significance before he enters. A brief mention of his background or importance to the unfolding events could enhance the audience's understanding and anticipation of his arrival. Additionally, the crew's reaction to his entrance could be more pronounced to reflect the weight of the moment.
Suggestions
  • Enhance the emotional depth of the dialogue by incorporating personal stakes or reactions from the characters, particularly in relation to the unfolding crisis.
  • Introduce more visual variety through different camera angles or shots to maintain audience engagement and emphasize the emotional stakes.
  • Reassess the placement of humor in the scene to ensure it aligns with the overall tone and does not undermine the gravity of the situation.
  • Build more tension leading up to the commercial break to create a stronger cliffhanger effect, keeping the audience invested in the unfolding story.
  • Provide more context about Tuvia Sokolsky's significance before his entrance, and amplify the crew's reaction to his arrival to reflect the weight of the moment.



Scene 37 - Broadcast Under Siege
INT. CONTROL ROOM - DAY

GEOFF
(back to business)
30 seconds.

Roone comes in for this. He sits next to Geoff.

ROONE
(into mic)
Jim, this is as close as we get to
the hostages. Make something out of
it.

Slight nod from McKay on the monitor.

ASSISTANT DIRECTOR GEOFF
Back to us. On my cue.

FULL SCREEN LINE MONITOR

McKAY
We’re coming to you live from ABC
hHeadquaters in Munich, West
Germany. I’m sitting right now with
a man who has just come in to the
studio. His name is...

GEOFF
(into headset)
1, open up on all three.

Zoom out: McKay, Sokolsky and his translator.

MCKAY
Tuvia Sokolsky. He is on the
extreme left here. The gentleman in
the middle is Nasim Javidi,
translator for the Israeli team.
Mr. Sokolsky does not speak
English. He is the coach of the
weightlifters and came out of that
room today...

The Communicator quietly addresses Roone, telephone receiver
in hand.


COMMUNICATOR
Roone... They want to talk to you.

Roone has the receiver handed to him.

ROONE
(into phone)
Arledge.
(listens)
That's your solution? Seriously?
(listens)
I’m not gonna do that. This is our
story.

He covers the receiver.

ROONE (CONT’D)
(to Geoff)
We're losing the sat. Tell Jim.

GEOFF
What!? We can't stop this now.

ROONE
In a few seconds, all viewers in
the US will see a black screen. Jim
has to say something. Now.

Geoff still hesitates. Roone pushes him aside. Presses the
intercom.

ROONE (CONT’D)
(into intercom)
Jim?

CUT TO:

FULL SCREEN LINE MONITOR

Sokolsky talks in Hebrew, when suddenly McKay interrupts him,
as he received the information over his earpiece.

MCKAY
I’m sorry, we’d like to continue
the interview on tape. And we’re
having it later. We are losing the
satellite right now.

He turns to the camera. Sokolsky beside him is confused.

MCKAY (CONT’D)
The Arab Guerillas are still in the
Israeli quaters. One man is dead.
Mr. Javidi tells me another man is
now definitely dead. We don’t know
his identity yet.
(MORE)

MCKAY (CONT’D)
The tension regarding the 5 o’clock
deadline continues, which is in an
hour an 45 minutes.
(beat)
Jim McKay, as the Olympics continue
in Munich, West Germany.

And after an intense look from Jim McKay, the monitor
switches to a colorful ABC logo. Beeping can be heard.

Back to: Turmoil in the control room. Everyone is talking at
once. Shouts, shaking heads, frustration fill the room.

GEOFF HANK
What are we doing here? We can't just choke that poor
man off.

ROONE
CBS insisted on their slot. They’ll
only give it to us if we share our
feed. I’m not gonna do that.

Gladys approaches Roone and Geoff through the chaos:

GLADYS
We can give it to CBS, but show our
logo in the stream.

ROONE
What do you mean?

GLADYS
Put “ABC” up there. And leave it
in. Constantly. In the top corner.

GEOFF
What signal are we talking?

GLADYS
Output only. Put a permanent
superimpose on it.

Roone’s already sold.

ROONE
Do it.

Gladys rushes out.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In the tense control room at ABC Headquarters in Munich, Roone and Geoff prepare for a live broadcast as they face the imminent loss of their satellite feed. With Jim McKay set to interview weightlifting coach Tuvia Sokolsky, Roone takes charge when a call reveals the critical situation regarding hostages. As chaos erupts, Roone initially resists sharing their feed with CBS, but Gladys proposes a solution to maintain ABC's branding while doing so. The scene culminates in Roone agreeing to her plan, highlighting the urgency and high stakes of live broadcasting during a crisis.
Strengths
  • Tension-building
  • Realistic portrayal of a live broadcast environment
  • Strong character interactions
Weaknesses
  • Limited emotional depth
  • Some dialogue may feel repetitive or expository

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively builds tension and urgency through the high-stakes decision-making process, showcasing the inner workings of a live broadcast under pressure.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of showcasing the decision-making process and technical challenges of a live broadcast is well-executed, providing insight into the complexities of media coverage during a crisis.

Plot: 8.5

The plot of the scene revolves around the critical decision-making process and technical challenges faced by the control room crew, driving the narrative forward and heightening the stakes.

Originality: 8

The scene presents a fresh approach to the ethical challenges faced by journalists in a live broadcast setting. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and realistic.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-developed, each contributing to the tension and urgency of the scene through their actions and dialogue.

Character Changes: 7

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the characters' decisions and actions reflect their roles and responsibilities.

Internal Goal: 8

Roone's internal goal is to maintain journalistic integrity and control over the story, even in the face of external pressures.

External Goal: 7

Roone's external goal is to navigate the challenges of the live broadcast and ensure the story is told accurately and ethically.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict arises from the pressure to make critical decisions under time constraints, adding intensity to the scene.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with external pressures and ethical dilemmas creating obstacles for the characters to overcome.

High Stakes: 9

The high stakes are evident in the critical decisions that need to be made under pressure, with the potential consequences of broadcasting sensitive information.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by showcasing the challenges faced by the control room crew and the impact of their decisions on the broadcast.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists and turns in the live broadcast situation.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the ethical dilemma of balancing journalistic integrity with external pressures and demands.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a sense of anxiety and determination, but could further enhance emotional impact through deeper character emotions.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue effectively conveys the urgency and high stakes of the situation, with characters engaging in meaningful discussions and decision-making.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the high stakes, fast-paced action, and ethical dilemmas faced by the characters.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is fast and intense, contributing to the overall tension and urgency of the situation.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and concise, following the expected format for a screenplay in this genre.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a tense, high-stakes broadcast setting, with clear action and dialogue driving the narrative forward.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the urgency and chaos of a live broadcast during a crisis, showcasing the high stakes involved. The dialogue is sharp and reflects the tension among the characters, particularly between Geoff and Roone, which adds depth to their relationship.
  • However, the pacing could be improved. The transition from Geoff's initial command to the chaos in the control room feels abrupt. A more gradual build-up to the chaos could enhance the emotional impact and allow the audience to fully grasp the gravity of the situation.
  • The character of Gladys is introduced in a way that feels somewhat abrupt. While her suggestion to include the ABC logo is clever, it would benefit from a brief moment that establishes her authority or expertise in this context, making her input feel more integral to the scene.
  • The use of technical jargon, while realistic, may alienate viewers who are not familiar with broadcasting terms. Simplifying some of the language or providing context through character reactions could help maintain engagement without sacrificing authenticity.
  • The emotional weight of the situation could be further emphasized through visual storytelling. For instance, close-up shots of the characters' faces during moments of tension could convey their anxiety and urgency more effectively than dialogue alone.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment of silence or a brief pause before the chaos erupts to heighten the tension and allow the audience to absorb the seriousness of the situation.
  • Introduce Gladys earlier in the scene or provide a line that establishes her role and expertise, making her suggestion feel more impactful and necessary.
  • Incorporate more visual storytelling elements, such as close-ups or reaction shots, to convey the emotional stakes and the characters' responses to the unfolding crisis.
  • Simplify some of the technical dialogue or provide context through character reactions to ensure that all viewers can follow the action without feeling lost.
  • Explore the dynamics between Geoff and Roone further, perhaps through a moment of vulnerability or conflict that reveals more about their characters and the pressures they face.



Scene 38 - Broadcast Interrupted: The Weight of Emotion
INT. EDITING ROOM - DAY (FORMERLY 55)

Gladys speeds to the Title Generator. Carefully lays a tiny
“ABC Sports” Logo on the top corner of the board. Swiftly
slides it underneath the table camera. Frames it.


INT. CONTROL ROOM - DAY

Gladys reports over the walkie:

GLADYS
Logo ready on 4.

Geoff looks intently at Roone, who is on the phone.

ROONE
Then we are in agreement.

He hangs up. Looks at Geoff without expression.

ROONE (CONT’D)
Back on the bird within the minute.
Start with the interview. As if
nothing happened.

COMMUNICATOR
10 seconds ‘til they take us.

On the main monitor an ABC jingle plays. Logo fade-in. And
the interview with Sokolsky begins again.

GEOFF
(to Jacques)
Fly logo in.

Jacques pulls a lever - and there it is: the “ABC Sports”
logo appears in the network return screen’s corner.

GEOFF (CONT’D)
(to Roone)
You own the story now, Roone.

CUT TO:

FULL SCREEN LINE MONITOR

Close up Sokolsky. He speaks Hebrew. Struggles with his
emotions.

TRANSLATOR
He hasn’t got any real practical
suggestions. He feels that one
should not give in. And he leaves
the whole affair in the hands of
the professionals. On the other
hand he yearns for the moment his
friends and all his colleagues,
these athletes whom he had known
for so many years, family men, will
be outside safely.

A beat. Everyone in the room is looking at the broken man on
the monitor.


MCKAY
I can see the emotion, that he’s
feeling. It’s very high in this
room. I can’t tell you how much I
appreciate Mr. Sokolsky taking the
time to tell the story to us.
(beat)
Thank you!

TRANSLATOR / SOKOLSKY
Thank you.

The moment is disturbed when the AP Wire rattles. Phones
ring. The Communicator looks at the news wire.

COMMUNICATOR
They’re suspending the Games!
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In a tense editing and control room, Gladys prepares the 'ABC Sports' logo for broadcast while Roone directs the team to continue with an interview featuring Sokolsky, who shares his emotional turmoil through a translator. McKay acknowledges Sokolsky's heartfelt contribution, but their moment is abruptly interrupted by breaking news of the Games' suspension, heightening the emotional stakes of the scene.
Strengths
  • Intense emotional impact
  • Effective portrayal of decision-making process
  • Strong character development
Weaknesses
  • Potential lack of clarity in some technical aspects

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys the tension and emotional weight of the unfolding events, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the outcome. The urgency and high stakes add depth to the narrative, making it a compelling watch.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of showcasing the behind-the-scenes decision-making process during a crisis adds depth to the narrative and highlights the complexities of managing a high-pressure situation. The focus on maintaining professionalism and composure in the face of adversity is well executed.

Plot: 8.5

The plot progression in the scene is crucial, as it reveals the suspension of the Games and the impact on the characters involved. The decision-making process and the emotional turmoil of the characters drive the narrative forward effectively.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on the challenges of broadcasting emotional content in a professional setting. The authenticity of the characters' reactions adds depth to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters in the scene are well-developed, each showcasing their unique roles and reactions to the unfolding crisis. The emotional depth and internal conflicts of the characters add layers to the narrative.

Character Changes: 8

Several characters undergo emotional changes in the scene, particularly Tuvia Sokolsky, whose vulnerability and struggle are highlighted. The decisions made by the characters also reflect their growth and internal conflicts.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to maintain professionalism and composure in the face of a breaking news story and emotional interview. This reflects their need to handle pressure and difficult situations with grace.

External Goal: 9

The protagonist's external goal is to successfully broadcast the interview and breaking news story while managing the unexpected developments.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8.5

The level of conflict in the scene is high, as the characters grapple with difficult decisions and the suspension of the Games. The internal and external conflicts add tension and urgency to the narrative.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the characters facing unexpected challenges and ethical dilemmas that add complexity to the narrative.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes in the scene are incredibly high, as the characters navigate a crisis situation with the potential for dire consequences. The suspension of the Games and the emotional turmoil of the characters raise the stakes to a critical level.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by revealing the suspension of the Games and the impact on the characters. The decisions made in the scene have long-lasting consequences that drive the narrative towards a critical point.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable due to the sudden suspension of the Games and the emotional impact of the interview, keeping the audience on edge about the characters' next moves.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the balance between professionalism and empathy. The characters must navigate the ethical implications of broadcasting emotional content while maintaining journalistic integrity.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, eliciting feelings of tension, anxiety, and hopefulness from the audience. The emotional depth of the characters and the weight of their decisions resonate strongly.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue in the scene is impactful, conveying the emotional weight of the situation and the urgency of the decisions being made. The translations and interactions between the characters add depth to the narrative.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its blend of emotional intensity, professional urgency, and unexpected developments that keep the audience invested in the characters' actions.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotional depth, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the characters' actions.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of the scene is well-executed, with clear transitions between locations and effective use of dialogue and action descriptions.

Structure: 9

The scene follows a clear and engaging structure, building tension and emotional depth as the characters navigate the unfolding events.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the urgency and tension of live broadcasting during a crisis, showcasing the high stakes involved. However, the emotional weight of Sokolsky's interview could be enhanced by providing more context about his relationship with the athletes, which would deepen the audience's connection to his struggle.
  • The dialogue is functional but lacks a certain depth that could elevate the emotional stakes. For instance, Sokolsky's feelings could be expressed more vividly through his words or the translator's interpretation, allowing the audience to feel the gravity of the situation more profoundly.
  • The transition from the editing room to the control room is smooth, but the pacing could be tightened. The scene could benefit from a more dynamic interplay between the characters, particularly in how they react to the unfolding events. This would create a more engaging rhythm and heighten the tension.
  • The use of the 'ABC Sports' logo is a clever visual cue, but it might be more impactful if it were tied to a specific emotional beat in the scene. For example, showing the logo as a symbol of hope or resilience amidst the chaos could add layers to its significance.
  • The final moment with the AP Wire rattling and the announcement of the Games being suspended is effective, but it could be foreshadowed earlier in the scene. This would create a stronger sense of inevitability and enhance the emotional impact of the news.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief flashback or a line of dialogue that highlights Sokolsky's connection to the athletes, which would make his emotional struggle more relatable and poignant.
  • Enhance the dialogue during Sokolsky's interview to reflect more of his internal conflict and emotional turmoil. This could involve more visceral language or imagery that conveys his feelings about the situation.
  • Introduce more dynamic interactions among the crew members in the control room, perhaps through overlapping dialogue or quick exchanges that reflect their stress and urgency, to create a more immersive atmosphere.
  • Explore the symbolism of the 'ABC Sports' logo further by incorporating a moment where characters reflect on what it represents in the context of the crisis, adding depth to its appearance.
  • Foreshadow the suspension of the Games earlier in the scene by incorporating subtle hints or discussions among the crew about the potential outcomes of the situation, building tension leading up to the announcement.



Scene 39 - Urgent Warning in the Transmission Room
INT. TRANSMISSION ROOM - DAY

The CB by Marianne crackles:

POLICE CHANNEL
(Voice #2)
Die Massen ausm Stadion laufen alle
rüber in Richtung Connollystrasse.
(Voice #3)
Tor 30 bestätigt. Die Situation
wird unkontrollierbar.
(Voice #2)
An alle Einheiten. An alle
Einheiten. Grünes Licht für
Sonnenschein.

She reaches for the walkie. Alarmed.

MARIANNE
(into walkie)
The police just gave green light
for some action.


INT. CONTROL ROOM - DAY

But Hank doesn’t hear her on his walkie. He stares at the
monitor, as does everyone in the room:

Footage of crowds gathering on a hill overlooking the
apartment. Police officers shout through megaphones, trying
to keep the situation under control.


MCKAY
The important thing right now is
that the games of the 20th Olympiad
have now been officially suspended
and as you can see from this
footage that has just reached us,
the situation around the apartment
is becoming increasingly confusing.


INT. TRANSMISSION ROOM - DAY

Marianne continues to listen to:

POLICE CHANNEL
(Voice #1)
Olympischer Ordnungsdienst in die
umliegenden Gebäude. Die Presse
muss weg.

MARIANNE
Scheiße!

Marianne jumps up and runs out of the room--
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In the Transmission Room, Marianne overhears alarming police communications about escalating chaos as crowds move towards Connollystrasse. Despite her urgent warning to Hank in the Control Room, he remains distracted by chaotic footage and misses her message. McKay announces the suspension of the Olympic Games, intensifying the tension. Realizing the gravity of the situation, Marianne reacts swiftly and rushes out, highlighting the unresolved conflict as the crisis deepens.
Strengths
  • Effective tension-building
  • Realistic character reactions
  • High emotional impact
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development
  • Minimal dialogue depth

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys the heightened stakes and urgency of the situation, keeping the audience engaged and on edge. The tension builds as the police make a significant decision, leading to a sense of impending action and uncertainty.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene revolves around a critical moment in the crisis, highlighting the impact of the police decision on the unfolding events. The focus on communication and action adds layers to the narrative and drives the tension forward.

Plot: 8.5

The plot advances significantly as the police decision sets the stage for potential action and further complications in the crisis. The scene effectively raises the stakes and propels the narrative towards a critical turning point.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh and intense situation at the Olympiad, with unique elements such as the use of German dialogue and the escalating crisis. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and contribute to the realism of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 7.5

The characters react authentically to the escalating situation, conveying their anxiety and concern effectively. While the focus is more on the unfolding events than individual character development, their responses add depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 7

While there are no significant character arcs in this scene, the characters experience a shift in their emotional states as they react to the escalating crisis. Their responses reflect the changing dynamics of the situation.

Internal Goal: 8

Marianne's internal goal is to understand and react to the escalating situation at the Olympiad. This reflects her need to protect herself and others, her fear of the unknown and danger, and her desire to maintain order and safety.

External Goal: 7

Marianne's external goal is to communicate the unfolding events to her team and possibly take action to address the escalating situation. This reflects the immediate challenge of managing a crisis and ensuring the safety of everyone involved.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, as the characters grapple with the implications of the police decision and the escalating chaos. The tension and uncertainty create a sense of conflict that drives the narrative forward.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting information, escalating tension, and unclear outcomes. The characters face difficult decisions and obstacles that challenge their abilities and beliefs.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in the scene as the police give the green light for action, signaling a potential escalation of the crisis and increased danger for the characters involved. The decision raises the stakes and intensifies the sense of urgency.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly advances the story by introducing a critical development in the crisis, setting the stage for potential action and further complications. The decision by the police to take action propels the narrative forward towards a crucial turning point.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the rapidly changing events, conflicting information, and unclear outcomes. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of what will happen next.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the tension between maintaining order and control versus responding to a crisis with urgency and flexibility. This challenges Marianne's beliefs about following protocol versus taking decisive action in a crisis.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a strong emotional response from the audience, capturing the anxiety and concern of the characters as they face a critical moment in the crisis. The escalating tension and uncertainty heighten the emotional impact of the scene.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue serves the purpose of conveying critical information and emotions in the scene, reflecting the urgency and confusion of the moment. While not heavily focused on witty exchanges or deep conversations, the dialogue effectively drives the narrative forward.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its fast-paced action, escalating tension, and high stakes. The audience is drawn into the chaos and uncertainty of the situation, eager to see how it unfolds.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is fast and intense, mirroring the urgency and chaos of the situation. The rapid dialogue and quick scene changes maintain the momentum and keep the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and easy to follow, with distinct locations and character actions clearly described. The dialogue is formatted correctly and contributes to the pacing of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a tense and suspenseful moment in a screenplay, with quick scene changes, escalating conflict, and clear character motivations.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension by juxtaposing the police communications with the chaos unfolding outside. However, the transition between the transmission room and the control room could be smoother to enhance the flow of the narrative. The abrupt shifts may confuse the audience about where the action is taking place.
  • Marianne's urgency is palpable, but her dialogue could be more impactful. Instead of simply stating the police's actions, consider adding a line that reflects her emotional state or the gravity of the situation. This would deepen her character and make her reaction more relatable.
  • The use of foreign language adds authenticity, but it may alienate viewers who do not understand German. Including subtitles or a brief translation in the dialogue could help maintain engagement without losing the scene's realism.
  • The scene lacks a clear visual cue that indicates the escalating danger. While the dialogue conveys urgency, incorporating more vivid descriptions of the crowd's behavior or the police's actions could enhance the tension and urgency of the moment.
  • The dialogue from McKay is informative but could be more dynamic. Instead of a straightforward report, consider incorporating a sense of urgency or panic in his tone to reflect the escalating situation. This would help convey the emotional weight of the moment.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment where Marianne reacts to the police's announcement before she speaks into the walkie-talkie. This could provide insight into her character and the stakes involved.
  • Incorporate visual elements that show the crowd's reaction to the police announcements, such as close-ups of anxious faces or chaotic movements, to heighten the tension.
  • Add subtitles for the German dialogue to ensure all viewers can follow the action without losing the authenticity of the scene.
  • Enhance McKay's dialogue to reflect the urgency of the situation, perhaps by using more dramatic language or a more frantic delivery to match the escalating chaos.
  • Consider a brief moment of silence or stillness before the chaos resumes, allowing the audience to absorb the gravity of the situation before the action picks up again.



Scene 40 - Tension at the Munich Olympics
INT. HALLWAY - DAY

-- bumps into ABC staff in the hall. No time to apologize.

She rushes to the control room door, wrenches it open.


INT. CONTROL ROOM - DAY

MARIANNE
Police are clearing all press out
of the buildings.

Everybody looks at her.

Then Geoff grabs the phone:

GEOFF
You need to hide, Peter.

JENNINGS
What, why?

At that moment over the speaker we hear violent knocking and
muffled shouts:

POLICE MARSHALL
German Police. Open up! Aufmachen.

Click. Beep.Beep.Beep.

The call’s disconnected.


The whole room looks at the phone.

Absolute silence. Just the fan’s whirring.

JACQUES
Guys, check the tower cam.

All eyes flash to the Tower Camera’s monitor:

Men in tracksuits climb onto the apartment’s roof. They carry
weapons, some wear WWII steel helmets.

Geoff looks at Marianne.

GEOFF
Get back to the police scanner. Do
not take your ears off it.

She speeds off, as the phone finally rings. Geoff answers it.

GEOFF (CONT’D)
What happened?

JENNINGS
We’re ok. We managed to hide.

GEOFF
Great, but it looks like now the
police are making a move. Get back
on the balcony.
(into mic)
Jim? Check your preview.

PREVIEW MONITOR: the Men in tracksuits carefully cross the
roof gravel, assault riffles in hand.

McKAY
We’re told that there are men on
the roof.
(beat)
I… I’m not sure if these men have
guns or cameras?

GEOFF
(into headset)
Tower. Push in.

The camera zooms in.

McKAY
Those are guns alright.

JENNINGS
They’re walking cautiously on the
roof. Hopefully not being heard in
the rooms below.


The control room team observes on screen how the gunmen move
across the roof. One loses part of his gear on the roof
gravel. Another drops a gun magazine.

GEOFF
They don’t seem prepared at all.

MCKAY
This is happening now. If you can
possibly believe it. At the Games
of the 20th Olympics.

GEOFF
(into headset)
Gladys. Bird caption.

The yellow caption appears on the main monitor: LIVE VIA
SATELLITE FROM MUNICH, GERMANY.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In a high-stakes control room during the Munich Olympics, Marianne urgently informs the team about police clearing the press, escalating tension as they hear violent knocking and demands from law enforcement. The team discovers armed men on the roof, prompting Geoff to direct the team to monitor the situation via the tower camera. As they assess the threat, Jennings confirms his team is hiding from the police, while Jacques suggests further surveillance. The scene culminates with a live satellite caption highlighting the unfolding crisis, underscoring the urgency and danger of the moment.
Strengths
  • Intense pacing
  • Real-time tension building
  • Effective use of multiple perspectives
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development in this specific scene

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively builds tension and suspense through its fast-paced action and high-stakes situation. The urgency of the moment is palpable, keeping the audience engaged and on edge.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene, focusing on the police closing in on the terrorists during a live broadcast, is compelling and keeps the audience on the edge of their seats.

Plot: 8.5

The plot of the scene is crucial in advancing the narrative and raising the stakes for the characters. The events unfold rapidly, driving the story forward and heightening the tension.

Originality: 8

The scene is original in its depiction of a high-stakes security situation during the Olympics, with armed men on the roof and a control room team trying to manage the crisis. The dialogue and actions of the characters feel authentic and contribute to the suspenseful atmosphere.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters react realistically to the escalating danger, adding depth to the scene. Their actions and decisions under pressure contribute to the overall tension and suspense.

Character Changes: 7

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the characters' reactions and decisions under pressure reveal aspects of their personalities.

Internal Goal: 9

The protagonist's internal goal is to ensure the safety of the people in the control room and to handle the escalating situation with the armed men on the roof. This reflects their deeper need for control and protection.

External Goal: 8

The protagonist's external goal is to manage the security situation and prevent any harm to the people in the control room. This reflects the immediate challenge they are facing with the armed men on the roof.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The level of conflict in the scene is high, with the characters facing imminent danger and the police closing in on the terrorists. The tension is palpable, keeping the audience engaged.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with armed men posing a direct threat to the safety of the characters in the control room. The audience is unsure of how the characters will overcome this obstacle.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are extremely high in the scene, with the characters facing imminent danger and the police closing in on the terrorists. The outcome of the situation could have dire consequences.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by escalating the conflict and raising the stakes for the characters. The events set the stage for further developments in the narrative.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected arrival of armed men on the roof and the escalating danger that the characters must navigate. The audience is kept guessing about the outcome of the situation.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the clash between safety and danger, order and chaos. The protagonist must navigate these opposing forces to ensure the safety of the people in the control room.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes fear, anxiety, and suspense in the audience, creating an emotional connection to the characters' plight.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue is concise and impactful, conveying the urgency of the situation and the characters' emotions effectively.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its fast-paced action, high stakes, and suspenseful atmosphere. The escalating tension and the characters' reactions keep the audience on the edge of their seats.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and suspense, with a fast-moving sequence of events that keep the audience engaged and on the edge of their seats.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene headings, action lines, and dialogue formatting that enhance readability and clarity.

Structure: 9

The scene follows the expected structure for a tense, action-packed sequence in a thriller genre, with escalating stakes and a clear goal for the protagonist to achieve.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension by immediately following Marianne's urgent warning with the sounds of police knocking and shouting. This auditory cue heightens the stakes and immerses the audience in the chaos of the moment.
  • The dialogue is concise and impactful, particularly Geoff's command to Peter to hide, which conveys urgency and concern. However, the dialogue could benefit from more emotional depth to enhance the characters' reactions to the escalating situation.
  • The use of the Tower Camera as a visual device is a strong choice, allowing the audience to see the threat from a distance. However, the transition from the control room's tension to the rooftop action could be smoother, perhaps by incorporating more visual descriptions or reactions from the characters as they observe the unfolding events.
  • The pacing of the scene is effective, maintaining a sense of urgency throughout. However, the scene could be improved by varying the rhythm of the dialogue and actions to create moments of heightened tension followed by brief pauses for character reactions.
  • The introduction of the gunmen is impactful, but the scene could benefit from a clearer description of their appearance and demeanor to enhance the visual imagery and the audience's understanding of the threat they pose.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a line or two of internal monologue or emotional reaction from Geoff or Marianne to deepen the audience's connection to the characters during this tense moment.
  • Enhance the visual descriptions of the gunmen on the roof to create a more vivid image for the audience, perhaps by describing their movements or expressions as they navigate the rooftop.
  • Incorporate brief pauses in the dialogue to allow characters to react to the escalating tension, which can help build suspense and give the audience time to absorb the gravity of the situation.
  • Explore the use of sound design in the scene, such as the background noise of the control room juxtaposed with the muffled chaos outside, to create a more immersive experience for the audience.
  • Consider ending the scene with a more dramatic line or action that leaves the audience on edge, such as a sudden movement from the gunmen or a critical piece of information from the police scanner.



Scene 41 - Tension in Transmission
INT. TRANSMISSION ROOM - DAY

Marianne arrives out of breath. Sits by the CB radio,
listening to the German police communicate.

POLICE CHANNEL
(Voice #3)
Gitter ist entfernt.


INT. CONTROL ROOM - DAY

The disguised police give hand signals to each other, take
positions. Their tracksuits glow on screen in bright colors.

Jacques looks at the B/W monitor on network return.

JACQUES
What a shame that most people see
this in black and white.

GEOFF
Not in the US, buddy. By now, every
bus driver has his color TV.

HANK
And the athletes here. The Germans
placed a color TV in every
apartment.

This gives Geoff a thought.

GEOFF
So, are they’re seeing what we’re
seeing?

HANK
What are you talking about?


GEOFF
Are they watching us in this
apartment?

He points at the monitor.

Silence.

COMMUNICATOR
They don’t receive ABC here.

HANK
Oh, they do. There’s an inner
circuit, so everyone can watch
their home station.

The control room crew exchange looks.


INT. TRANSMISSION ROOM - DAY

More waves of German voices rustle over the CB radio.

POLICE CHANNEL
(Voice #4)
Hier Reich. Habe freie Sicht auf
das Fenster. Hier flackert Licht.
Könnte von einem Fernsehgerät
kommen. Wolf, habt ihr den Strom
nicht ausgeschaltet?
(Voice #2)
Negativ.
(beat)
Eine Einheit ist unterwegs zur ABC.

Marianne freezes. Carter looks at her alarmed.

CARTER
Did... did they just say “ABC”?
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In a high-stakes transmission room, Marianne listens anxiously to German police communications, realizing they may be broadcasting their actions live. Disguised officers in the control room prepare for action as Jacques reflects on the irony of the black-and-white broadcast. Geoff connects the dots about the German audience's access, heightening the tension. The mention of 'ABC' on the police radio causes Marianne to freeze, signaling a potential threat and leaving the characters in a state of alarm.
Strengths
  • Tension-building
  • Intrigue
  • Realistic reactions
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development
  • Dialogue could be more engaging

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively builds tension and intrigue through the undercover operation concept, keeping the audience engaged and curious about the unfolding events.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of an undercover police operation within a live broadcast setting is intriguing and adds depth to the overall narrative.

Plot: 8.5

The plot progresses smoothly, introducing a new layer of conflict and danger as the crew realizes they might be compromised.

Originality: 8.5

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on surveillance and communication, incorporating cultural differences and technological details to create authenticity. The characters' actions and dialogue feel genuine and add depth to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters react realistically to the unfolding situation, showcasing their professionalism and quick thinking under pressure.

Character Changes: 7

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the crew's reactions hint at their adaptability and resourcefulness.

Internal Goal: 8

Marianne's internal goal is to understand the situation and potential danger they are in. Her fear and concern are reflected in her reaction to the German police communication.

External Goal: 7.5

The protagonist's external goal is to decipher the German police communication and assess the level of threat they are facing.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8.5

The conflict in the scene is high, with the crew facing the threat of exposure and potential danger from the terrorists.

Opposition: 7.5

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the characters facing potential threats and uncertainties that add complexity to the situation.

High Stakes: 9

The high stakes of potential exposure and danger heighten the tension and urgency of the scene, keeping the audience on edge.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward by introducing a new threat and raising the stakes for the characters involved.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected twists in the communication and the characters' reactions, keeping the audience on edge.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict revolves around the idea of surveillance, privacy, and the implications of being watched without consent. This challenges the characters' beliefs about freedom and security.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7.5

The scene evokes a sense of unease and suspense, but could enhance emotional impact with deeper character development.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue is focused on conveying crucial information and maintaining the tension, but could benefit from more depth in character interactions.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its fast-paced dialogue, suspenseful atmosphere, and the characters' reactions to the unfolding events.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene effectively builds suspense and maintains the audience's interest through well-timed reveals and character interactions.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to the expected standards for a suspenseful thriller genre, with clear scene headings and concise action descriptions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format that effectively builds tension and reveals information gradually. The shifts between locations enhance the pacing and keep the audience engaged.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension by juxtaposing the police communications with the control room's realization of their potential exposure. However, the transition between the two settings could be smoother to enhance the flow of the narrative.
  • The dialogue is functional but lacks emotional depth. While the characters express concern, their reactions could be more visceral to reflect the gravity of the situation. Adding more internal conflict or urgency in their speech could heighten the stakes.
  • The use of technical jargon and police communication adds authenticity, but it may alienate viewers who are not familiar with such terms. Consider simplifying some of the dialogue or providing context to ensure clarity for all audiences.
  • The visual elements are strong, particularly the contrast between the bright colors of the police tracksuits and the black-and-white monitor. However, the significance of this contrast could be emphasized further to underline the irony of the situation.
  • The scene ends on a cliffhanger with the mention of 'ABC,' which is effective for suspense. However, it might benefit from a more explicit emotional reaction from Marianne or Carter to ground the tension in character-driven stakes.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of silence or a shared look among the characters after the police mention 'ABC' to emphasize the weight of the revelation.
  • Incorporate more physical reactions from the characters, such as Marianne's body language or facial expressions, to convey their anxiety and fear more vividly.
  • Enhance the dialogue by including a line that reflects the characters' personal stakes in the situation, such as their concern for the athletes or their own safety, to create a deeper emotional connection.
  • Explore the potential for a brief flashback or memory that could provide context for the characters' feelings about the situation, adding layers to their responses.
  • Consider using sound design to amplify the tension, such as the increasing volume of police chatter or the heartbeat of the characters, to create a more immersive experience for the audience.



Scene 42 - Confrontation in the Control Room
INT. HALLWAY - DAY

Four uniformed German POLICE OFFICERS storm down the hall --
run to the door with the glowing “On Air” light.


INT. CONTROL ROOM - DAY

Door slams open as the Police charge in. Geoff and the crew
look at the armed men, shocked. Geoff gets up.

A Policeman points to the tower monitor --

POLICE OFFICER
Die Kameras aus. Aus.


GEOFF
What’s the Problem?!

POLICE OFFICER
Die Kameras aus!

GEOFF
Calm down! What’s going on here?

POLICE OFFICER
(tone building)
Ausmachen. Jetzt!

The Officer points his gun at a Technician by the monitors.

Geoff immediately steps in front of the Technician. Defending
his team.

GEOFF
Have you lost your fucking mind?!
Don’t point your gun on my crew!

POLICE OFFICER
AUSMACHEN. AUSMACHEN! AUSMACHEN!

Geoff looks around the room at his crew. Debating. Jacques
shakes his head: let it go.

GEOFF
...Alright, for God’s sake.
(into headset)
All live cams off. Turn it off,
Charles. Same for tower.

The live cam monitors go gray.

GEOFF (CONT’D)
Happy?

Roone bursts in. Sees the Police Officer still aiming the gun
at Geoff. Roone charges up to the Officer. Right in his face.

ROONE
Get the fuck out of my studio.

He glares at the Officer until the cop finally leaves with
his men.

Jennings’ voice echoes from the phone:

JENNINGS
The policemen are climbing down
from the roof now. They seem to be
calling off their attack. Looks
like this was yet another failed
attempt by the Germans to get the
situation under control.


The room’s mood has changed. For the first time maybe they’ve
actually had an effect on these proceedings.

Jacques voices the question that’s hanging in the air.

JACQUES
Was that... our fault?

Silence. Guilt washes over them.

ROONE
(walking out)
Certainly not.

But Geoff doesn’t seem so certain.

GEOFF
Um, ok everybody, commercial break.
Back in five.

He gets up, grabs a walkie:

GEOFF (CONT’D)
Marv, can we talk?
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In a tense scene, four German police officers invade the control room where Geoff and his crew are broadcasting, demanding the cameras be turned off. As tensions rise, one officer threatens a technician with a gun, prompting Geoff to protect him. After a standoff, Geoff orders the cameras off, and Roone confronts the police, ultimately forcing them to leave. Once the police retreat, the crew grapples with guilt over their potential influence on the situation, leading Geoff to call for a commercial break to regroup.
Strengths
  • Intense conflict
  • Tense atmosphere
  • Realistic character reactions
Weaknesses
  • Potential for cliched dialogue
  • Lack of character development for some crew members

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene is well-executed, with a high level of tension and drama that keeps the audience engaged. The conflict between the police officers and the crew adds depth to the story and raises the stakes for the characters.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a standoff between the crew and armed police officers in a live broadcast setting is innovative and gripping. It adds a layer of complexity to the story and raises important questions about ethics and responsibility.

Plot: 8.5

The plot of the scene is engaging and moves the story forward significantly. The conflict with the police officers introduces a new obstacle for the characters to overcome, adding depth to the narrative.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh take on a familiar scenario of a standoff with law enforcement, adding complexity through the characters' conflicting motivations and reactions.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters in the scene are well-developed and react realistically to the high-stakes situation. Their interactions and dialogue reveal their personalities and motivations effectively.

Character Changes: 8

The characters undergo significant emotional changes in the scene, particularly in their reactions to the police intrusion and the resulting conflict. These changes add depth to their personalities and motivations.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to protect his crew and maintain control of the situation. This reflects his need for leadership and loyalty to his team.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to comply with the demands of the police officers and diffuse the situation to avoid any harm to his crew.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is intense and drives the narrative forward. The power struggle between the crew and the police officers creates a sense of urgency and danger.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing a difficult choice between following orders and protecting his team.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in this scene, with the characters facing a life-threatening situation and the potential loss of control over their broadcast. The outcome of the standoff will have significant consequences for the story.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by introducing a new obstacle for the characters to overcome and raising the stakes of the narrative. It sets the stage for further developments and conflicts.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the characters' conflicting actions and the uncertain outcome of the standoff with the police.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between authority and defiance. The protagonist must navigate between following orders and protecting his team.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene has a high emotional impact, with the characters experiencing guilt, anxiety, and defiance in response to the escalating situation. The audience is likely to feel tense and engaged throughout.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene is tense and impactful, reflecting the high-stress environment of the control room. It effectively conveys the emotions and intentions of the characters.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its high stakes, intense dialogue, and moral dilemmas that keep the audience on edge.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene builds tension effectively, with a rhythmic flow that enhances the suspense and emotional impact of the confrontation.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene is well-formatted and easy to follow, adhering to the conventions of screenplay formatting for its genre.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure of escalating tension and resolution, fitting the expected format for a suspenseful drama.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension with the sudden intrusion of the police, creating a sense of urgency and danger. However, the dialogue could be more impactful if it included more varied emotional responses from the characters, particularly Geoff, who is portrayed as defensive but could also express fear or confusion more vividly.
  • Geoff's transition from confrontation to compliance feels abrupt. While it is understandable given the circumstances, adding a moment of internal conflict or hesitation could enhance the emotional weight of his decision to turn off the cameras.
  • The introduction of Roone as a commanding presence is strong, but his dialogue could be more assertive to match the intensity of the situation. Instead of just telling the officer to leave, he could articulate the stakes involved, emphasizing the importance of their broadcast and the potential consequences of the police's actions.
  • The scene ends with a sense of guilt among the crew, which is a powerful emotional note. However, it could be strengthened by showing more of the crew's reactions to the police's actions, perhaps through their body language or brief exchanges, to deepen the sense of collective responsibility.
  • The pacing of the scene is generally good, but the transition from the police's aggressive stance to their retreat feels slightly rushed. A moment of reflection or dialogue after the police leave could help the audience process the gravity of what just occurred.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more internal monologue or visual cues to show Geoff's emotional struggle as he decides to comply with the police's demands. This could help the audience connect with his character on a deeper level.
  • Enhance Roone's dialogue to reflect his authority and the stakes of the situation. He could express concern for the safety of his crew while also emphasizing the importance of their broadcast.
  • Include more reactions from the crew members during and after the police's intrusion. This could be done through brief exchanges or visual reactions that convey their shock and guilt more effectively.
  • After the police leave, allow for a moment of silence or a reflective dialogue among the crew to process what just happened. This could serve to heighten the emotional impact of the scene and provide closure before moving on.
  • Consider varying the tone of the police officer's dialogue to reflect the escalating tension. Instead of repeating 'AUSMACHEN,' he could include more context or threats that clarify the urgency of their demands.



Scene 43 - Tensions Rise in the Hallway
INT. HALLWAY - DAY

Geoff and Bader talk quietly in the hall.

BADER
They should have cut the
electricity in the apartment. It’s
not up to us to double-check on
them.

GEOFF
That doesn’t mean it’s okay if we
made it worse. We don’t interfere
with what’s happening. Even Roone
says that.

BADER
Listen, we don’t know why they
called it off. The Germans seem
generally pretty overwhelmed.

MARIANNE (O.S.)
They are.

They turn to see Marianne walking up to them, angry.

MARIANNE (CONT’D)
I heard it all on the police radio.
It’s local cops doing things
they’ve never done before.
(MORE)

MARIANNE (CONT’D)
The German Army gave them sniper
rifles and had to instruct them on
how to use them.

GEOFF
Why not use the army itself?

MARIANNE
They’re not allowed to operate
here. German constitution.

GEOFF
That’s crazy.

BADER
Rumor is Israel even offered to
send a special unit to help out.
But Germany refused it.

MARIANNE
They’re just making one mistake
after another. Trying to act like
they’ve got it all under control.

Any doubts from Geoff and Bader have vanished. No more time
to dwell on this.

GEOFF
They can turn off our cameras, but
they can’t take us off the air.

BADER
(nods, heads for exit)
Everyone, back to your stations!
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In a tense hallway discussion, Geoff and Bader debate their responsibility regarding a power outage while Marianne confronts them about the unusual use of sniper rifles by local police, expressing her frustration with the German authorities' mistakes. The conversation reveals limitations on the German Army's involvement and rumors of declined international assistance from Israel. Despite the urgency of the situation, Geoff insists on continuing their broadcast efforts, leading to a consensus on the need for action as Bader instructs everyone to return to their stations.
Strengths
  • Effective tension-building
  • Exploration of ethical dilemmas
  • Realistic portrayal of team dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Limited emotional depth
  • Character development could be deeper

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively builds tension and conveys the ethical dilemmas faced by the characters. The dialogue is sharp and impactful, reflecting the seriousness of the situation. However, there could be more depth in character development and emotional impact to elevate the scene further.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring the ethical challenges faced by a broadcasting team during a high-stakes event is compelling. The scene effectively delves into the complexities of journalistic integrity and external pressures.

Plot: 8.5

The plot advances significantly in this scene, with the team facing a critical decision that impacts their broadcast and the unfolding events. The conflict and stakes are heightened, driving the narrative forward.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces fresh elements such as international involvement in a crisis, ethical debates in journalism, and the challenges of reporting in a volatile environment. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and grounded in the setting.


Character Development

Characters: 7.5

While the characters react realistically to the escalating situation, there could be more depth in character development to enhance the emotional impact of the scene. Each character's role in the team dynamic is clear but could be further explored.

Character Changes: 7

The characters show subtle shifts in their perspectives and decisions in response to the escalating situation, but there could be more significant character development to highlight their growth or internal conflicts.

Internal Goal: 8

Geoff's internal goal is to maintain journalistic integrity and not interfere with the events unfolding, as indicated by his dialogue about not making things worse and following Roone's advice.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to report on the unfolding events accurately and responsibly, despite the challenges and obstacles they face.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The level of conflict is high in this scene, with the team facing ethical dilemmas, external pressures, and the threat of losing control of their broadcast. The escalating tensions drive the scene forward and create a sense of urgency.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting viewpoints, external pressures, and moral dilemmas creating obstacles for the characters to navigate.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in this scene, with the team facing ethical dilemmas, external pressures, and the threat of losing control of their broadcast. The decisions made in this scene have far-reaching consequences, adding to the tension and urgency.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by introducing critical decisions, escalating conflict, and ethical dilemmas that impact the team's broadcast and the unfolding events. The narrative progresses at a fast pace, keeping the audience engaged.

Unpredictability: 7

The scene is unpredictable due to the shifting dynamics between the characters, unexpected revelations about the authorities' actions, and the characters' evolving responses to the crisis.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict revolves around the ethics of journalism and the responsibility of the media in times of crisis. Marianne's criticism of the authorities' actions challenges Geoff and Bader's beliefs about their role as reporters.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7.5

While the scene effectively conveys tension and concern, there could be more emotional depth to enhance the impact on the audience. Exploring the characters' emotional responses further could elevate the scene.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue effectively conveys the tension and urgency of the situation, with characters engaging in meaningful discussions about the ethical dilemmas they face. The dialogue drives the scene forward and reflects the seriousness of the events unfolding.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its fast-paced dialogue, high stakes, and moral dilemmas that keep the audience invested in the characters' decisions.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and maintains the audience's interest through rapid dialogue exchanges and escalating conflicts.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to standard screenplay conventions, making the scene easy to follow and visualize.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a typical structure for a tense and dialogue-driven moment in a screenplay, effectively building tension and conflict.


Critique
  • The scene effectively conveys the tension and urgency of the situation, with characters expressing their frustrations and concerns about the unfolding crisis. However, the dialogue could be more dynamic; it feels somewhat expository and lacks emotional depth. Each character's motivations and emotional stakes could be more clearly defined to enhance the audience's connection to them.
  • Marianne's entrance is impactful, but her anger could be more vividly portrayed through her body language and tone. Instead of simply stating her frustrations, consider incorporating physical actions that reflect her emotional state, such as pacing or gesturing emphatically.
  • The dialogue between Geoff and Bader feels somewhat repetitive, particularly in their discussion about the responsibilities of the broadcast team versus the German authorities. This could be streamlined to maintain momentum and avoid redundancy. Instead of reiterating points, they could express their concerns in a more varied manner, perhaps through contrasting opinions or personal anecdotes.
  • The scene lacks a clear visual or dramatic hook to engage the audience immediately. Starting with a more intense visual or auditory cue, such as the sound of chaos outside or a visual of the control room in disarray, could heighten the stakes right from the beginning.
  • The pacing of the scene could be improved by varying the rhythm of the dialogue. Some lines could be delivered more quickly to reflect urgency, while others could be drawn out to emphasize the weight of the situation. This would create a more dynamic flow and keep the audience engaged.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment of silence or a shared look between Geoff and Bader before Marianne arrives, which could heighten the tension and anticipation of her news.
  • Incorporate more sensory details to enhance the atmosphere. For example, describe the sounds of chaos outside or the oppressive heat in the hallway to immerse the audience in the scene.
  • Explore the characters' backstories or relationships more deeply in this scene. For instance, a brief mention of past experiences could inform their current reactions and decisions, adding layers to their interactions.
  • Introduce a ticking clock element to emphasize the urgency of the situation. Perhaps a countdown to a critical moment could be referenced, increasing the stakes for the characters and the audience.
  • End the scene with a strong visual or emotional beat that leaves the audience wanting to know what happens next. This could be a close-up of Geoff's determined expression or a sudden loud noise from outside that interrupts their conversation.



Scene 44 - Frustration in the Control Room
INT. CONTROL ROOM - DAY

McKay is on the main monitor, while the live monitors show
nothing but black. Geoff listens to Jennings descriptions.

JENNINGS
(over phone)
The Germans are back to
negotiating. This time Interior
Minister Genscher is joining them.

Marianne and Carter enter with the CB. Geoff motions for them
to set it up right next to him. Hank grabs his tools.

JENNINGS (CONT’D)
The leader only seems willing to
talk to Gensch...
(beat)
Wait. Put me live!


GEOFF
(into mic)
Jim, Peter has breaking info.

On the screen, McKay reacts immediately.

McKAY
I just got word something’s
happening at Connollystrasse.
Peter, you have news?

JENNINGS
Thanks, Jim. Yes. Moments ago a
window opened. And for the first
time now we’re seeing some of the
hostages.

GEOFF
No, we’re not. We might as well be
listening to fucking radio.

He looks at black monitors, frustrated. Presses the walkie:

GEOFF (CONT’D)
Cam 2, Tower, either of you have an
angle on this?

CAM 2
Clear shot, Mase.

TOWER CAM
Clear as crystal.

Great. And Geoff can’t use either one.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In a tense control room, McKay monitors updates from Jennings about a hostage situation, while Geoff expresses frustration over the lack of visual information despite clear camera shots. Marianne and Carter assist in setting up a CB, but the team's inability to see the hostages on the monitors leaves them feeling helpless and frustrated as they await further developments.
Strengths
  • Effective portrayal of tension and urgency
  • Compelling negotiation process
  • Strong dialogue and performances
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development in this specific scene

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively builds tension and urgency through the dialogue, actions, and reactions of the characters. The high-stakes situation and the pressure of negotiating with terrorists are portrayed convincingly.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of negotiating with terrorists during a high-stakes situation at the Olympics is engaging and effectively explored in the scene. The challenges faced by the characters and the pressure they are under are central to the concept.

Plot: 8.5

The plot of the scene revolves around the negotiation process and the unfolding events during a crisis at the Olympics. The tension and urgency drive the plot forward, keeping the audience engaged.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the hostage negotiation scenario by focusing on the technical challenges of surveillance and communication. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and contribute to the authenticity of the situation.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters in the scene are well-developed, with each playing a specific role in the negotiation process. Their reactions and interactions contribute to the overall tension and urgency of the scene.

Character Changes: 7

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the pressure and challenges they face contribute to their development and reveal aspects of their personalities.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to successfully manage the situation and ensure the safety of the hostages. This reflects their deeper need for control and responsibility in a crisis.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to gather information and make informed decisions based on the live feeds and communication with the team. This reflects the immediate challenge of navigating a complex negotiation scenario.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The level of conflict in the scene is high, as the characters are faced with a tense and urgent situation that requires quick thinking and strategic decision-making. The negotiation process adds to the conflict and raises the stakes.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with technical challenges, communication issues, and limited visibility creating obstacles for the protagonist. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how the situation will unfold.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes in the scene are high, as the characters are negotiating with terrorists during a crisis at the Olympics. The outcome of the negotiation process could have significant consequences for the hostages and the overall situation.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by escalating the tension and raising the stakes of the negotiation process. The unfolding events at the Olympics and the decisions made by the characters drive the narrative forward.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting dynamics of the negotiation, the technical challenges faced by the characters, and the unexpected developments in the live feeds.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the tension between the need for accurate information and the frustration of limited visibility. This challenges the protagonist's belief in the importance of clear communication and reliable surveillance.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene has a strong emotional impact, as the characters grapple with the pressure of negotiating with terrorists and the uncertainty of the situation. The audience is drawn into the tension and urgency of the scene.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the tension, urgency, and frustration of negotiating with terrorists. The exchanges between the characters reveal their motivations and the challenges they face.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the high stakes, fast-paced action, and technical detail. The tension and urgency keep the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and maintaining the audience's interest. The rhythm of the dialogue and action sequences adds to the urgency of the situation.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting. The technical details are effectively conveyed through the formatting.

Structure: 9

The scene follows the expected structure for a tense negotiation scenario, with clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the effectiveness of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension by showcasing the urgency of the situation through Geoff's frustration with the black monitors. However, the dialogue could be more dynamic to reflect the heightened stakes. The characters are reacting to a crisis, yet their exchanges feel somewhat flat and procedural.
  • Geoff's emotional state is clear, but the scene could benefit from more visual cues or actions that illustrate his frustration beyond just dialogue. For instance, showing him pacing, clenching his fists, or interacting with the equipment could enhance the emotional weight.
  • The introduction of the CB radio is a good plot device, but it feels somewhat abrupt. A brief moment where the characters express their anticipation or anxiety about the information coming through the CB could add depth to their reactions.
  • The transition from the previous scene to this one is a bit jarring. The end of the last scene suggests a regrouping, but the beginning of this scene jumps straight into action without a clear connection. A line or two that references the previous discussion could create a smoother flow.
  • While the dialogue serves its purpose, it lacks a sense of urgency that would be expected in a high-stakes situation. The characters should be speaking over each other, interrupting, or showing signs of panic to reflect the gravity of the moment.
Suggestions
  • Incorporate more physical actions or reactions from Geoff and the team to visually convey their stress and urgency. This could include frantic movements, gestures, or expressions that match the dialogue.
  • Add a moment of anticipation before the CB radio is set up, where characters express their hopes or fears about what information might come through. This could heighten the tension and make the eventual news feel more impactful.
  • Consider revising the dialogue to include more interruptions or overlapping speech to reflect the chaos of the situation. This would create a more dynamic and realistic portrayal of a crisis.
  • Include a brief recap or reference to the previous scene's discussion to create continuity and remind the audience of the stakes involved.
  • Enhance the emotional stakes by allowing Geoff to express his frustration more vividly, perhaps through a moment of self-doubt or a heated exchange with another character about the situation.



Scene 45 - Broadcasting Horror
INT. ROONE’S OFFICE - DAY

Roone’s TV shows McKay in the studio as we hear Jennings:

JENNINGS
We’ve seen two hostages so far.
They were led to the window one
after the other. One guerrilla with
an AK-47 behind them. It’s a
terrible sight....

ROONE
This is ridiculous.

Roone grabs the phone. Short number.


INT. CONTROL ROOM - DAY

Phone rings. Geoff snaps it up. Hears what he wanted to hear.


GEOFF
You got it, Roone.

He hangs up. Hastily speaks into the headset.

GEOFF (CONT’D)
All cams back on!

Jacques eyes him skeptically, but Geoff doesn't notice.

The whole crew looks at the monitor, excited to be back in
the game.

Seconds later it blinks on - and shows a horrific image:

A defeated man stands at the apartment window. Torn
undershirt. Hands tied. Behind him a masked man holds a
machine gun to his back.

All conversations fall silent.

Geoff stares at the monitors.

This is real. This is about people’s lives.

Geoff pushes away his feelings before they can overpower him.

GEOFF (CONT’D)
Anyone know who that is?

MARIANNE
...the fencing coach.

She goes to the profiles on the wall, takes down his photo
and hands it to Geoff.

MARIANNE (CONT’D)
Andrei Spitzer. Age 27.

GEOFF
(turns to Gladys)
Can you make a caption?

He passes her the photo.


INT. EDITING ROOM - DAY

Gladys hurries to the title generator. In record speed she
pins letters to the board.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In Roone's office, Jennings reports on a dire hostage situation, prompting Roone to call Geoff in the control room to resume broadcasting. As the crew prepares, they are confronted with the chilling image of hostage Andrei Spitzer, leading to a somber realization of the stakes involved. Marianne identifies the hostage for Geoff, while Gladys works quickly to create a caption. The scene captures the tension between the urgency of the broadcast and the emotional weight it carries for the crew.
Strengths
  • Tension-building
  • Emotional depth
  • Real-time urgency
Weaknesses
  • Limited visual description
  • Lack of external context

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys the tension and urgency of the situation, with strong emotional resonance and high stakes. The character dynamics and plot progression are well-executed, keeping the audience engaged.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of showcasing the behind-the-scenes coverage of a high-stakes event during the Olympics is compelling and well-executed. The scene effectively explores the moral and emotional dilemmas faced by the broadcasting team.

Plot: 8.5

The plot of the scene is engaging and impactful, focusing on the unfolding hostage situation and the reactions of the broadcasting team. The progression of events keeps the audience invested in the outcome.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on the ethical challenges of journalism in crisis situations, with a focus on the personal and emotional impact on the news crew. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds depth to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters in the scene are well-developed, with distinct personalities and motivations. The emotional depth of the characters adds to the overall impact of the scene.

Character Changes: 8

The characters undergo significant emotional changes in the scene, grappling with the weight of their decisions and the impact of the hostage situation. Their perspectives and priorities shift as they confront the moral dilemmas.

Internal Goal: 8

Geoff's internal goal is to maintain composure and professionalism in the face of a distressing situation. This reflects his need to fulfill his role as a news producer and his fear of being overwhelmed by emotions.

External Goal: 7

Geoff's external goal is to identify the hostage being shown on the monitor and provide accurate information to the team. This reflects the immediate challenge of gathering and disseminating crucial information in a fast-paced environment.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The level of conflict in the scene is high, with the hostages' lives at stake and the broadcasting team facing intense pressure to cover the events. The conflicting priorities and moral dilemmas create a tense atmosphere.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the characters facing moral dilemmas and ethical challenges that create uncertainty and tension.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes in the scene are high, with the lives of hostages on the line and the broadcasting team facing intense pressure to cover the events. The moral and ethical dilemmas add complexity to the high-stakes situation.

Story Forward: 9

The scene effectively moves the story forward by advancing the narrative of the hostage situation and the broadcasting team's response. The events unfold in real-time, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the outcome.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it introduces unexpected twists and moral dilemmas that challenge the characters' beliefs and actions.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the ethical dilemma of balancing the need for accurate reporting with the potential harm that broadcasting sensitive information may cause to the hostages. This challenges Geoff's beliefs about the responsibility of the media in crisis situations.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, as the characters navigate the intense emotions and moral dilemmas of the hostage situation. The audience is drawn into the emotional turmoil of the characters.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the tension and urgency of the situation, with moments of emotional resonance. The interactions between the characters feel authentic and add depth to the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it immerses the audience in the high-stakes environment of a newsroom crisis, with compelling character dynamics and a sense of urgency.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, with a balance of fast-paced action and moments of emotional reflection.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and concise, effectively conveying the visual and emotional elements of the unfolding events.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a tense and suspenseful newsroom setting, with a clear progression of events and character interactions.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the tension and urgency of the hostage situation, particularly through the reactions of the characters as they witness the horrific image on the monitor. However, the transition from Roone's frustration to the control room's excitement feels abrupt. A smoother transition could enhance the emotional impact.
  • Geoff's internal struggle is hinted at when he pushes away his feelings, which adds depth to his character. However, this moment could be expanded to show more of his emotional turmoil, allowing the audience to connect with him on a deeper level. This could be achieved through internal monologue or a brief flashback that highlights his personal stakes in the situation.
  • The dialogue is functional but lacks a sense of urgency that matches the gravity of the situation. Phrases like 'This is ridiculous' from Roone could be replaced with more emotionally charged language that reflects the dire circumstances. Additionally, the dialogue could include more reactions from the crew to the shocking image, enhancing the collective tension.
  • The pacing of the scene is generally good, but the moment when the monitor blinks on could be drawn out for dramatic effect. A brief pause before revealing the horrific image could heighten the suspense and allow the audience to feel the weight of the moment.
  • The visual elements are strong, particularly the contrast between the excitement of the crew and the grim reality on the monitor. However, more descriptive language could be used to paint a clearer picture of the setting and the characters' expressions, further immersing the audience in the scene.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment of silence or a brief pause before the monitor reveals the horrific image to build suspense and allow the audience to brace for the impact.
  • Expand on Geoff's internal conflict by incorporating a brief flashback or internal monologue that reveals his personal connection to the situation, making his emotional struggle more palpable.
  • Revise the dialogue to include more emotionally charged language that reflects the urgency and gravity of the situation, particularly in Roone's lines and the crew's reactions.
  • Enhance the visual descriptions of the characters' expressions and the control room environment to create a more immersive experience for the audience.
  • Consider including a moment where the crew collectively reacts to the image on the monitor, showcasing their shock and horror, which would emphasize the stakes involved.



Scene 46 - Tensions Rise in the Control Room
INT. CONTROL ROOM - DAY

Jennings continues to describe the events at the scene.


JENNINGS
It looks like Spitzer wants to tell
Genscher something.

Geoff hears Gladys come in over the walkie:

GLADYS
Caption ready!

GEOFF
Air it.

The finished caption pops up: ANDREI SPITZER, FENCING COACH

On the monitor we see Andrei Spitzer standing at the window.
Seeming to talk to Interior Minister Genscher.

Then Spitzer is roughly yanked back into the room.

JENNINGS
Now he’s dragged away from the
window and the curtains are closed
again. Genscher is talking to the
leader. He seems furious.

TSCHHHHHH. The now connected CB roars away.

HANK
Police CB ready!

On the monitor: the Policewoman from earlier stands next to
Genscher, talking into her walkie. We hear her over the CB.


POLICEWOMAN MARIANNE
Minister Genscher hat sich Genscher offered to swap
als Austauschgeisel himself for the Israeli
angeboten. Das Gesuch wurde hostages, but the terrorists
abgelehnt. Er bestand jedoch refused the offer... Now
darauf, persönlich nach dem Genscher insists on going in
Wohl der Geiseln zu sehen. to see how the hostages are.

The monitor shows Genscher enter the building.

JENNINGS
The leader’s taking Genscher and
another official into the apartment
now.

The monitor shows the apartment’s facade. All stands still.

POLICE RADIO
(Voice #1)
Wurde bereits ein Ziel für den Flug
genannt?
(Voice)
Negativ.


MARIANNE
They just mentioned they’re flying
them out of the country!

Questions come at her all at once, like “They’re flying
out?”, “With hostages?”, “Where to?”

Marianne waves them off as she futilely attempts to focus on
the CB. She switches to headphones to hear. But still can’t.
People’s discussions are only getting louder. It’s enough-

MARIANNE (CONT’D)
EVERYBODY SHUT THE FUCK UP!

Instantly calm returns. All eyes aimed at her. Damn, she’s
taken it to the next level.

Marianne puts her hands on her headphones. Listens intently.

MARIANNE (CONT’D)
They’re giving orders... The
policewoman has to delay, tell the
leader it takes time to prepare the
plane... they mentioned two
helicopters... to take terrorists
and hostages to an airport...

GEOFF
Airport? Which airport?

MARIANNE
They didn’t say.

At that moment Jennings’ voice is heard:

JENNINGS
They’re coming back out. Genscher
seems shocked. God only knows what
horrors he saw in there.

On the screen we see a devastated Genscher in talks with the
policewoman. She speaks into her CB again.

Marianne listens, then:

MARIANNE
Cairo!... They named Cairo as their
destination.

GEOFF
(adrenaline back)
All right, guys, listen up - I need
to know where in the village these
choppers can land and which airport
they will fly to for the transfer!
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In a high-stakes control room, Jennings reports on the escalating hostage situation involving Andrei Spitzer and Interior Minister Genscher. Genscher's desperate offer to exchange himself for the hostages is rejected by the terrorists, who plan to fly the captives to Cairo. As Marianne takes charge, demanding silence to focus on critical police communications, Genscher emerges from the building visibly devastated. The team, under Geoff's direction, prepares to gather vital information about helicopter logistics for the impending crisis.
Strengths
  • Intense negotiation dynamics
  • Effective tension-building
  • Revealing crucial information
Weaknesses
  • Potential lack of visual variety in the setting

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively builds tension and suspense through the negotiation process, keeping the audience engaged with the unfolding events.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of negotiating with terrorists in a high-stakes situation is compelling and drives the tension of the scene.

Plot: 8.5

The plot advances significantly as the negotiation reveals crucial information about the terrorists' plans and the authorities' response.

Originality: 8

The scene presents a fresh approach to the hostage crisis genre by focusing on the behind-the-scenes coordination and decision-making process. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters show determination and fear in the face of the escalating situation, adding depth to their personalities.

Character Changes: 8

The characters experience a shift in their emotions and decisions during the negotiation, showing growth and development.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to gather crucial information and make quick decisions to handle the escalating situation effectively. This reflects their need for control and competence in a crisis.

External Goal: 9

The protagonist's external goal is to coordinate the response to the hostage crisis, ensuring the safety of the hostages and managing the communication with the terrorists. This goal reflects the immediate challenge they are facing in the scene.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between the authorities and the terrorists, as well as the internal conflict within the characters, is intense and drives the scene forward.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with multiple obstacles and challenges that the protagonist must navigate to resolve the hostage crisis.

High Stakes: 9

The negotiation determines the fate of the hostages and the outcome of the crisis, emphasizing the high stakes involved.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by revealing crucial information and escalating the tension to a critical point.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists and turns in the negotiation process and the high level of uncertainty surrounding the outcome of the crisis.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the ethical dilemma of negotiating with terrorists and the moral implications of sacrificing one life for many. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs in diplomacy and the value of human life.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene evokes fear, determination, and shock in the characters and the audience, heightening the emotional impact.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue effectively conveys the urgency and seriousness of the negotiation, enhancing the tension in the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its fast-paced action, high stakes, and intense dialogue that keeps the audience on the edge of their seats.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a balance of action, dialogue, and suspenseful moments that keep the audience engaged and invested in the outcome.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of the scene is clear and concise, following the expected format for a screenplay in the thriller genre.

Structure: 9

The scene follows the expected structure for a tense and suspenseful sequence in a thriller genre, with clear action beats and escalating tension.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension by showcasing the urgency of the situation through the characters' interactions and the escalating stakes. However, the dialogue could benefit from more distinct character voices to enhance individuality and make their reactions feel more authentic.
  • Marianne's outburst to silence the room is a strong moment that highlights her authority and the gravity of the situation. However, it might be more impactful if there were a brief moment of hesitation or resistance from the crew before her command, emphasizing the chaos and confusion they are experiencing.
  • The transition from the police radio communications to the characters' reactions is somewhat abrupt. A smoother integration of the police radio dialogue with the characters' responses could enhance the flow and maintain the tension without losing clarity.
  • While the scene conveys critical information about the hostage situation, it could benefit from more visual descriptions of the characters' expressions and body language. This would help to convey their emotional states and the weight of the situation more vividly.
  • The pacing of the scene is generally effective, but there are moments where the dialogue feels a bit rushed, particularly during the exchanges about the helicopters and the airport. Allowing for brief pauses or reactions could heighten the tension and give the audience time to absorb the gravity of the situation.
Suggestions
  • Consider giving each character a unique way of speaking or reacting to the situation to enhance their individuality and make the dialogue feel more dynamic.
  • Add a moment of hesitation or confusion among the crew before Marianne's command to create a stronger contrast between chaos and her authoritative response.
  • Integrate the police radio dialogue more seamlessly with the characters' reactions, perhaps by having them respond to specific phrases or commands from the radio.
  • Incorporate more visual descriptions of the characters' body language and facial expressions to convey their emotional states and the tension of the scene more effectively.
  • Allow for brief pauses or reactions in the dialogue to enhance the pacing and give the audience time to process the unfolding events.



Scene 47 - Urgent Preparations for Helicopter Landing
INT. HALLWAY - DAY

An Assistant rushes through the aisles. Maps under her arm.

We follow her into the buzzing control room --


INT. CONTROL ROOM - DAY

Carter runs towards her and takes the maps.

CARTER
Thanks!

He prepares them on the console in the middle of the room.
Marianne looks at it, the cable of her CB headphones is taut.

It’s a map of Munich and the surrounding area.

GEOFF
Riem airport is the obvious choice,
but I doubt it... too much plane
traffic.

CARTER
Augsburg?

MARIANNE
Too far away...

Marianne presses the headphones tighter to her ear, she
intercepts a radio message.

MARIANNE (CONT’D)
... they mentioned a flight time of
5-7 minutes for the helicopters.

HANK
(turns to Carter)
What was the name of that small
airport in the middle of nowhere?
Where we picked up the equipment?
Something like Farsteenfeld Bragg.

MARIANNE
Fürstenfeldbruck!

CARTER
Exactly!

MARIANNE
That’s a military airport.

GEOFF
It’d make sense. No people nearby.


CARTER
Guys!
(looking up)
...Do you hear that?

A low whir. Quiet, distant. Then it gets louder...

GEOFF
The choppers!

It builds...


INT. ROONE’S OFFICE - DAWN

... becomes a booming noise, coming from all sides. Roone
looks at the ceiling lamp. It’s slightly shaking.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In a tense control room, the team, led by Carter and Marianne, urgently discusses potential helicopter landing sites. They consider Riem airport and Augsburg but ultimately decide on Fürstenfeldbruck, a military airport, due to its proximity and safety. As they finalize their decision, the sound of approaching helicopters intensifies, heightening the urgency of the situation.
Strengths
  • Effective tension-building
  • Strong sense of urgency
  • Engaging plot progression
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development in this specific scene

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys a sense of urgency and impending danger, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the unfolding events.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene, focusing on the team's response to the helicopters' arrival and the strategic planning involved, is engaging and effectively drives the narrative forward.

Plot: 8.5

The plot is advanced significantly in this scene as the team faces a critical moment with the arrival of the helicopters, raising the stakes and setting up further developments.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a unique situation of characters making a quick decision about helicopter landings in a high-pressure environment. The dialogue feels authentic and contributes to the tension of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters' reactions and interactions in response to the imminent danger are well portrayed, adding depth and tension to the scene.

Character Changes: 7

While there may not be significant character changes in this particular scene, the characters' reactions and decisions contribute to their development and the overall narrative.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to make a quick decision based on the information they have about the helicopters and airports. This reflects their need to act decisively under pressure.

External Goal: 9

The protagonist's external goal is to identify the best airport for the helicopters to land based on the limited options available. This reflects the immediate challenge they are facing in the scene.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict in the scene arises from the imminent danger posed by the incoming helicopters and the team's need to make quick decisions to address the situation.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, as the characters are faced with limited options and potential risks in choosing a landing site for the helicopters, creating uncertainty and suspense for the audience.

High Stakes: 9

The high stakes in the scene are effectively conveyed through the imminent danger posed by the incoming helicopters and the team's need to make quick decisions to address the situation.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by introducing a critical moment with the arrival of the helicopters, setting up further developments and escalating the tension.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because the characters are faced with limited options and must make a quick decision under pressure, creating suspense and tension for the audience.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

There is a philosophical conflict between the characters' desire to make a strategic decision quickly and the potential risks involved in choosing a military airport. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs about risk-taking and safety.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene elicits a strong emotional response from the audience due to the high stakes and imminent danger faced by the characters, creating a sense of urgency and concern.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue effectively conveys the urgency and strategic planning of the team as they discuss the situation and prepare for the helicopters' arrival.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the fast-paced dialogue, high stakes, and sense of urgency that keeps the audience on the edge of their seats.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, with a gradual increase in urgency as the characters discuss their options and make a decision.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with proper scene headings and clear action descriptions.

Structure: 9

The scene follows the expected structure for a high-stakes, suspenseful moment in a screenplay, with clear action lines and dialogue that drive the narrative forward.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension through the use of sound, particularly with the distant whir of helicopters that gradually intensifies. This auditory cue serves to heighten the urgency of the situation, making the audience feel the impending action.
  • The dialogue is functional and serves to convey critical information about the logistics of the helicopter landings. However, it could benefit from more emotional weight. The characters are in a high-stakes situation, and their dialogue should reflect the tension and anxiety they are experiencing.
  • The character interactions are clear, but they lack depth. For instance, while Marianne is focused and attentive, her emotional state is not fully explored. Adding a moment of vulnerability or frustration could enhance her character and make the audience more invested in her plight.
  • The transition from the hallway to the control room is smooth, but the scene could benefit from more visual descriptions that emphasize the chaos and urgency of the environment. Describing the frantic movements of the crew or the cluttered workspace could create a more immersive experience.
  • The scene ends on a strong note with the sound of helicopters, but it could be more impactful if it included a visual element that mirrors this auditory cue. For example, showing the crew's reactions to the sound could amplify the tension and anticipation.
Suggestions
  • Incorporate more emotional dialogue that reflects the characters' stress and urgency. For example, characters could express their fears or doubts about the situation, adding depth to their interactions.
  • Enhance the visual descriptions of the control room to create a more vivid picture of the chaos and urgency. Consider describing the frantic movements of the crew, the clutter of equipment, or the tension in the air.
  • Add a moment of personal reflection or emotional response from one of the characters, particularly Marianne, to give the audience insight into their mental state during this crisis.
  • Consider using more varied sentence structures in the dialogue to create a more dynamic and engaging conversation. This can help to break up the exposition and keep the audience's attention.
  • Include a visual reaction from the crew as they hear the helicopters approaching. This could be a moment of shared concern or determination, reinforcing the stakes of the situation.



Scene 48 - Tension at the Olympic Village
INT. CONTROL ROOM - NIGHT

The roars become deafening. The action outside has come very
close to the small studio. Gladys comes back in, followed by
Roone:

ROONE
(over the noise)
Do we have eyes on these choppers?

GEOFF
(into headset)
Tower?

TOWER OPERATOR
Negative.

GEOFF
(into walkie)
Guys, we’re blind here.

At that moment a new voice pops up on the walkie. Sharp.
Forward. A tinge unpleasant. HOWARD COSELL (54), ABC Sports
commentator.

HOWARD
Gentlemen, can you read me?

GEOFF
(picks up walkie)
Loud and clear, Howard.

HOWARD
I see them! They just came around
that tall administration
building... slowly descending-


GEOFF
Where exactly are you? Are you
inside the village?

HOWARD
Yes. They let me in after the
boxing match. Ran into Gary here,
I’m taking over his channel.

CAM 2 OPERATOR
Mase, I got them. Take me.

Geoff gives Jacques a sign. The main monitor shows a
helicopter quickly descending on the Olympic Village.
Captured in a hectic pan.

The Police Channel crackles in Marianne’s headphones.

MARIANNE
They’re talking about a bus now...a
bus escorting them to the
helicopters.

GEOFF
(into walkie)
Howard, are the police clearing the
area?

HOWARD
No, it’s packed. There are people
with cameras everywhere. It’s like
Elvis has landed...

MARIANNE
They’ll use the parking level below
the apartments!
(points to map)
There’s the next staircase.
Building 12.

GEOFF
Howard, turn around. Do you see a
staircase?

HOWARD
Yeah.

GEOFF
Head down there and look for a bus.

HOWARD
Got it.

Jennings’ voice is on the phone:

JENNINGS
The second floor light is on. Looks
like they’re leaving the building.


HOWARD
I’m on the stairs and... It’s a
madhouse down there.... Police and
press everywhere... Men with
cameras next to men with guns.

ROONE
Put him on the air.

Geoff turns to Hank.

HANK
There’s no connector.

Geoff considers. Then shrugs and holds the walkie to a
microphone. Gives a sign to the audio booth.

ROONE
(into intercom)
Jim, Peter, we’ve got Howard in the
loop.

McKay begins his introduction:

McKAY
Word is they’re flying out both the
hostages and the terrorists. Let’s
hear Peter Jennings on this.

JENNINGS
Thank you, Jim. My colleagues and I
are scrambling to put the pieces
together. But Howard Cosell is
currently on location.
(beat)
Howard, this is Peter. Do you have
something to report from there?

Geoff’s mic sends Howard’s voice from the walkie out live:

HOWARD
I certainly do, Peter. I’m in the
parking garage... Terrorists and
hostages are arriving. Their hands
tied together. The police are here
in almost platoon-like numbers.
We’re building up to what I think
will be quite the clim-
(beat)
The bus just came in! They’re
bringing the hostages to the bus.
The terrorists have submachine
guns. Pushing the young athletes
onto the bus.
(beat)
And off they go!

McKay bridges the break.


McKAY
According to unconfirmed reports,
Cairo was named as the flight
destination. There are helicopters
waiting to bring the hostages and
the terrorists to a military
airport for the changeover.

TOWER CAM
I have eyes on the bus.

Main monitor: the image of a bus coming out of an underpass,
flanked by police cars. Journalists and spectators are
crowded on the bridge above.

A little further away, a helicopter is waiting. Red light
flashes on the rotors.

HOWARD
(breathes heavily)
Jim, I just ran on the bridge.
I can see them. One Arab is getting
out. Flashes from the cameras are
hitting him from every direction.
He almost looks like a rock star
walking on stage...
(beat)
Now I can see the Israelis.
(beat)
I hear something. People shouting
from the windows and balconies.
They’re...What are they saying?

We also hear the shouts that echo in the night between the
houses of the Olympic Village.

HOWARD (CONT’D)
Shalom. It’s shalom. The Hebrew
word for peace.

His words hang in the air. The room’s crew pauses, touched.

HOWARD (CONT’D)
The propellers begin to turn... A
chopper is lifting off.
(beat)
These Israeli athletes are leaving
the Olympic Village -- not as free
and proud competitors of their
country -- but as victims of a
brutal act of terror.

The crew watches the tower monitor: a shaky image of a
helicopter launching into the Munich night.

JENNINGS
The first helicopter now proceeding
out over the main Olympic stadium.
(MORE)

JENNINGS (CONT’D)
The second helicopter’s following
him. Flying around this
tremendously high Olympic Tower.
Flying to what seems like the last
chapter of a nerve-racking day.

The crew watches the helicopters disappear into the night on
the screen.

Suddenly the thumping sound is heard again. Getting louder.

ROONE
For once I want to see history
through more than just a camera.
(goes towards door)
Stretch the show with sports until
we have news from the airport.

GEOFF
Sports!?

ROONE
(as he heads off)
Jim’ll make the transition smooth.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In a high-stakes control room, the crew, led by Howard Cosell, scrambles to cover a hostage crisis unfolding at the Olympic Village. As helicopters arrive and police presence intensifies, emotional scenes unfold with Israeli athletes being escorted under duress, prompting shouts of 'Shalom' from the crowd. The atmosphere is charged with urgency and fear as the team works to relay live updates to viewers, culminating in a somber helicopter departure. The scene concludes with Roone's decision to extend the broadcast with sports coverage while awaiting further news.
Strengths
  • Intense tension
  • Emotional impact
  • Urgency in pacing
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development
  • Minimal dialogue

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene is well-crafted, with a high level of tension, emotional impact, and urgency. It effectively conveys the stakes involved in the hostage situation and the daring escape attempt.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of the scene revolves around the daring escape of the hostages via helicopters, highlighting the high-stakes nature of the situation and the emotional impact on the characters involved.

Plot: 9

The plot of the scene focuses on the crucial moment of the hostages being taken to helicopters for escape, moving the story forward significantly and raising the stakes for the characters.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh perspective on a real-life event, blending elements of journalism, terrorism, and sports in a compelling and authentic way. The characters' actions and dialogue feel genuine and impactful.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters in the scene are driven by the urgency of the situation, with their actions and reactions reflecting the high-stakes nature of the hostage crisis.

Character Changes: 8

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the characters' actions and decisions reflect the intense circumstances they are facing.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to manage the unfolding crisis and ensure the safety of the hostages and athletes. This reflects their desire for control, responsibility, and protection.

External Goal: 9

The protagonist's external goal is to coordinate with Howard Cosell and other team members to report on the events happening at the Olympic Village accurately and effectively. This goal reflects the immediate challenge of providing live coverage amidst chaos and danger.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The level of conflict in the scene is high, with the hostages facing imminent danger and the authorities trying to navigate a tense situation to ensure their safety.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with multiple obstacles, conflicting agendas, and high-stakes decisions that challenge the characters' goals and values. The uncertainty of the outcome adds to the tension and suspense.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are extremely high in the scene, as the hostages' lives are on the line during the daring escape attempt, adding a sense of urgency and danger to the situation.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by showcasing a critical moment in the hostage crisis, where the escape attempt adds a new layer of complexity and danger to the narrative.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists, shifting alliances, and high-risk decisions made by the characters. The audience is kept guessing about the outcome of the crisis and the characters' fates.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the ethics of journalism, the portrayal of victims and perpetrators, and the impact of media coverage on public perception. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs about truth, responsibility, and the power of storytelling.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a significant emotional impact, as the hostages' plight and the risky escape attempt evoke feelings of tension, fear, and hope.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue in the scene is minimal but impactful, conveying essential information and emotions related to the unfolding events.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its fast-paced action, high stakes, and dramatic tension that keeps the audience on the edge of their seats. The dialogue and events unfold rapidly, drawing viewers into the unfolding crisis.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is expertly crafted to build tension, maintain suspense, and drive the action forward at a brisk pace. The rhythm of the dialogue, action beats, and scene transitions keeps the audience engaged and invested in the unfolding events.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene's formatting adheres to the expected format for a high-stakes, fast-paced sequence, with clear scene headings, dialogue cues, and action descriptions that enhance readability and visual storytelling.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format for a suspenseful, action-driven sequence, with clear character motivations, escalating tension, and a resolution that sets up the next plot development.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension through the use of sound, particularly the deafening roars of helicopters, which immerses the audience in the chaos of the situation. However, the dialogue could be tightened to enhance the urgency and clarity of communication among the characters. Some lines feel repetitive or could be streamlined to maintain the pacing.
  • Howard Cosell's character is introduced well, but his dialogue could benefit from more distinctiveness to differentiate him from the other characters. His voice should carry a sense of authority and urgency that reflects his role as a commentator in a high-stakes situation.
  • The emotional weight of the scene is palpable, especially when the crew pauses at Howard's mention of 'Shalom.' However, the scene could delve deeper into the emotional responses of the crew members, perhaps through brief visual cues or reactions that highlight their internal struggles amidst the unfolding tragedy.
  • The transition from the chaos of the helicopter arrival to the decision to switch back to sports feels abrupt. While Roone's directive to stretch the show with sports is a realistic response, it may come off as insensitive given the gravity of the situation. This could be softened or framed in a way that acknowledges the emotional toll on the crew.
  • The visual elements, such as the helicopter and bus, are described well, but the scene could benefit from more specific imagery that captures the atmosphere of the Olympic Village at this moment. Describing the surroundings in more detail could enhance the audience's understanding of the setting and the stakes involved.
Suggestions
  • Consider tightening the dialogue to eliminate any redundancy and enhance the urgency of the communication between characters. Focus on making each line impactful and necessary.
  • Give Howard a more distinct voice by incorporating specific phrases or mannerisms that reflect his personality and expertise, making him stand out in the scene.
  • Include more visual cues or reactions from the crew to emphasize their emotional responses to the events unfolding, particularly during poignant moments like the mention of 'Shalom.'
  • Reframe Roone's decision to switch back to sports to acknowledge the emotional weight of the situation, perhaps by having him express concern for the crew's well-being or the gravity of the events.
  • Enhance the descriptive elements of the setting to create a more vivid picture of the Olympic Village and the atmosphere during this tense moment, allowing the audience to feel the weight of the situation more deeply.



Scene 49 - Night Watch: The Helicopter Crisis
INT. CONTROL ROOM - NIGHT

Geoff turns to Jacques.

GEOFF
Sports? Is he fucking serious?

JACQUES
(shakes head)
It’s nuts.

The droning noise of the helicopters gets louder.

JACQUES (CONT’D)
Screw it, I want to see it, too.

He goes towards the door.

Gladys shrugs and follows him. More and more crew leave the
room.

CAM 3
Mase, we’re losing the choppers.

Geoff grabs Carter and waves at Marianne:

GEOFF
Carter! Marianne!

Both turn towards him.


GEOFF (CONT’D)
(to Carter)
Grab a 16mm. Get footage from the
airport.

Carter nods: Got it! and rushes off.

GEOFF (CONT’D)
(hands Marianne car keys)
Mary-Ann, I need you to go with
Carter. You’re the only one who
speaks German. Take my car.
(off her hesitation)
You got this?

Marianne nods, takes the keys.

MARIANNE
Where is it parked?

GEOFF
Back lot. Blue BMW.
(pauses, thinks)
Do you think they’ll fly them out?

MARIANNE
We can’t “fly out” the problem. It
would be even more of an
embarrassment than it already is.

GEOFF
So they might finally use those
sniper rifles?

Marianne thinks. Hesitates. Nods.

Geoff looks at her worried. We expect him to tell her to be
careful. But:

GEOFF (CONT’D)
You’ll need sound.


EXT. STUDIO MAIN ENTRANCE - NIGHT

The ABC studio crew gathers around Roone at the studio’s
front door. For the first time since the early hours of the
morning we catch a glimpse of the outside.

They all look up. See the flashing dots floating in the sky.
The helicopters fly away behind the Olympic Tower.

Marianne exits, pushes her way through the troupe. Followed
by Carter, carrying camera cases, and Hank with a boom.


INT. CONTROL ROOM - NIGHT

Geoff, alone in the room, has his eyes still fixed on the
monitor.

GEOFF
(into headset)
Tower, keep tracking them.

CUT TO:

22:23 PM
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In a tense control room at night, Geoff expresses disbelief over a sports-related situation, prompting Jacques to leave for the action outside. As helicopters roar overhead, Geoff instructs Carter to film from the airport and sends Marianne with him for her language skills. The crew discusses the potential danger of the helicopters, hinting at serious implications. The scene shifts to the studio entrance where the crew watches the helicopters depart, culminating with Geoff alone in the control room, focused on tracking their movements.
Strengths
  • Building tension and urgency
  • Effective pacing and suspense
  • High-stakes situation
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development
  • Minimal dialogue

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively builds tension and urgency, keeping the audience engaged with the unfolding events and high stakes.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of tracking the helicopters in a tense hostage situation is compelling and drives the narrative forward, setting up the next phase of the story.

Plot: 8.5

The plot progresses significantly in this scene, with the focus on the helicopters adding a layer of suspense and danger to the overall story.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on a crisis situation, blending elements of journalism and action in a unique way. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 7.5

While the characters play a supporting role in this scene, their actions and reactions contribute to the tension and urgency of the situation.

Character Changes: 7

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the characters' actions and decisions reflect their roles in the high-stakes situation.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to ensure the safety and success of the crew members involved in the situation. This reflects his deeper need for control and responsibility in a crisis.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to gather footage and information related to the helicopters and the situation at the airport. This reflects the immediate challenge of obtaining crucial data for the broadcast.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8.5

The conflict in the scene is high, with the crew facing the challenge of tracking the helicopters in a tense hostage situation.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with characters facing difficult decisions and ethical dilemmas that add to the tension.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in this scene, with the crew facing the challenge of tracking helicopters in a tense hostage situation, adding a sense of danger and urgency.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by setting up the next phase of the narrative, with the focus on tracking the helicopters and the unfolding events.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in the characters' decisions and the evolving crisis situation.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

There is a philosophical conflict between the protagonist's desire to capture the events unfolding and the ethical considerations of using sniper rifles. This challenges the protagonist's values of journalistic integrity and safety.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7.5

The scene evokes a sense of anxiety and concern in the audience, heightening the emotional impact of the unfolding events.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is focused on conveying essential information and instructions, maintaining the urgency and tension of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its fast-paced action, tense dialogue, and high stakes. The audience is drawn into the urgency of the situation.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining a sense of urgency and suspense throughout.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings and character actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with well-defined character actions and dialogue. It maintains a good pace and rhythm.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the urgency and chaos of the situation, with Geoff's disbelief and Jacques' desire to see the action reflecting the emotional weight of the unfolding events. However, the dialogue could be more impactful; it feels somewhat casual given the gravity of the circumstances. The use of profanity ('fucking serious') may detract from the seriousness of the moment and could be replaced with a more poignant expression of disbelief.
  • The pacing of the scene is good, with the increasing noise of the helicopters creating a sense of urgency. However, the transition from the control room to the outside world could be more seamless. The shift to the exterior could benefit from a stronger visual description to enhance the contrast between the controlled environment of the studio and the chaotic reality outside.
  • Marianne's character is given a moment of agency when she is asked to accompany Carter, which is a positive development. However, her dialogue lacks a sense of urgency or fear that one might expect in such a high-stakes situation. Adding more emotional depth to her responses could enhance her character and the overall tension of the scene.
  • Geoff's final line about needing sound feels abrupt and somewhat disconnected from the preceding dialogue. It would be more effective if it tied back to the emotional stakes or the urgency of the situation, perhaps by expressing concern for the safety of the hostages or the implications of the helicopters' actions.
  • The scene ends with Geoff alone in the control room, which is a strong visual. However, it could be enhanced by including a brief internal monologue or a visual cue that reflects his emotional state, such as a close-up of his face showing worry or determination, to deepen the audience's connection to his character.
Suggestions
  • Consider revising the dialogue to reflect the gravity of the situation more effectively. Instead of using profanity, explore more nuanced expressions of disbelief or frustration that align with the emotional stakes.
  • Enhance the transition to the exterior by providing a more vivid description of the outside environment, emphasizing the contrast between the control room's chaos and the reality of the helicopters flying away.
  • Add emotional depth to Marianne's character by incorporating more urgency or fear in her dialogue, reflecting the high stakes of the situation and her role in it.
  • Rework Geoff's final line to connect more deeply with the emotional stakes of the scene, perhaps by expressing concern for the hostages or the implications of the helicopters' actions.
  • Include a brief internal monologue or visual cue at the end of the scene to reflect Geoff's emotional state, enhancing the audience's connection to his character and the overall tension of the moment.



Scene 50 - Crisis in the Control Room
INT. CONTROL ROOM - NIGHT

On the main monitor Jim struggles making the transition from
terror to sports:

MCKAY
ABC Sports News will be keeping you
informed as this day and evening go
on. We will be here whenever
whatever is going to happen...does
happen. But nonetheless, we have a
responsibility as a sports channel.
Especially when the biggest
sporting event in the world has
been taken hostage. So we decided
to show a summary of the
competition that actually did
continue until mid-afternoon before
the Games were suspended.

GEOFF
(into headset)
Roll...
(to Jacques; covering mic
on headset)
Which machine has the damn boxing
match?

JACQUES
(into headset)
Roll tape 4.

In the background we see Gary who has returned. He takes off
his track jacket.

Geoff picks up the walkie.

GEOFF
Peter? We need you here in the
studio. To provide some analysis.

JENNINGS
Already on my way.


GEOFF
(into headset)
Let’s roll 2 back in. We need her
in the studio.

GLADYS (O.C)
Hey Geoff! You want to see this.

She turns up the sound on one of the monitors showing the
international channels.

It’s an American local TV station: We see a man stand on his
porch. Surrounded by journalists, microphones and cameras.

INTERVIEWER
Mr. Berger, you’ve sat in front of
your TV set most of the day, trying
to get information. Have you gotten
any help from the government?

DAVID BERGER’S FATHER looks haunted, lost.

DAVID BERGER’S FATHER
No. All the information we have has
come from the news on television.
(an anguished plea)
I just hope they get the situation
under control and we hear from our
son soon.

Bader was right after all, whatever happens, this man will
hear it from them first.

Geoff, desperate for answers, grabs his walkie:

GEOFF
Mary-Ann, can you hear me?

No answer.

JACQUES
Forget it, they’re out of range.

On the main monitor the highlights of the boxing match keep
playing.

MCKAY
Duane Bobick, the American
heavyweight, had his toughest
scheduled bout in the boxing
competition meeting. Teófilo
Stevenson of Cuba.

Geoff can’t believe the absurdity of them airing this now.
Impatient, he again grabs a walkie:

GEOFF
Marv, what have you got?


BADER
Hold on just a second.

Through the walkie we hear a muffled announcement, but can’t
make out what it is.

Then there are gasps and shocked voices.

BADER (CONT’D)
(voice nearly cracking)
Geoff... supposedly hell has broken
loose at the airport. There’s
shooting.

GEOFF
Oh god.

Everybody stops what they’re doing.

All hope for a bloodless resolution is gone.

Now the other walkie crackles.

CARTER
(distorted)
... am I back in range... guys?
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In a tense control room at night, Jim and his team grapple with the dual responsibility of providing sports coverage while a hostage situation unfolds at a major sporting event. McKay solemnly introduces the gravity of the situation, while Geoff frantically coordinates with his team amidst escalating chaos. As they air boxing highlights, the atmosphere shifts dramatically with alarming news of a shooting at the airport, leading to despair and a stark realization that hope for a peaceful resolution is fading. The emotional toll is evident, particularly through the anguished plea of David Berger's father, highlighting the human cost of the crisis.
Strengths
  • Effective tension-building
  • Realistic character reactions
  • Engaging dialogue
  • High emotional impact
Weaknesses
  • Limited information on some characters' backgrounds
  • Some technical details may require clarification

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys the shift in tone from sports reporting to a high-stakes hostage situation, creating a sense of urgency and despair. The dialogue and actions of the characters heighten the tension and showcase the chaos and confusion in the control room.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene revolves around the sudden shift from sports coverage to a hostage crisis, highlighting the challenges faced by the control room team in navigating the rapidly evolving situation. The concept is executed well, capturing the chaos and uncertainty of the moment.

Plot: 8.5

The plot of the scene is crucial in advancing the narrative, marking a significant turning point in the story as the characters grapple with the reality of the hostage situation. The plot progression is engaging and keeps the audience invested in the unfolding events.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh take on the familiar trope of a newsroom covering a crisis, adding layers of complexity and moral dilemmas for the characters to navigate. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds depth to the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters in the scene react authentically to the escalating crisis, showcasing their emotions and decision-making under pressure. Each character's role in the control room adds depth to the narrative and contributes to the overall tension of the scene.

Character Changes: 8

The characters undergo subtle changes in their demeanor and decision-making as they confront the reality of the hostage situation. Their reactions and responses to the crisis reflect their evolving perspectives and priorities.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to maintain composure and professionalism in the face of a rapidly deteriorating situation. This reflects their need to uphold their role as a news anchor and provide accurate information to the audience.

External Goal: 7.5

The protagonist's external goal is to report on the unfolding crisis at the airport and provide updates to the audience. This reflects the immediate challenge they are facing in covering a breaking news story.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The level of conflict in the scene is high, as the control room team faces a rapidly escalating crisis with limited information and resources. The conflict drives the narrative forward and heightens the tension, keeping the audience on edge.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the characters facing difficult challenges and obstacles that test their abilities and resolve. The uncertainty of the situation adds to the opposition, creating a sense of suspense and unpredictability for the audience.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in the scene, as the control room team grapples with a life-threatening crisis involving hostages and armed gunmen. The outcome of their decisions could have dire consequences, adding urgency and tension to the situation.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by introducing a major plot development - the transition from sports coverage to a hostage crisis. The events in the scene set the stage for further conflict and resolution in the narrative.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the sudden turn of events, unexpected announcements, and shocking revelations that keep the audience guessing about what will happen next. The element of surprise adds to the tension and suspense of the scene.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the responsibility of the media to report on difficult and potentially traumatic events while also maintaining sensitivity towards the individuals involved. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs about the role of journalism in society.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking feelings of anxiety, despair, and helplessness as the characters grapple with the unfolding crisis. The emotional intensity of the scene resonates with the audience and enhances the overall drama.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue effectively conveys the sense of urgency and despair felt by the characters, capturing their reactions to the unfolding events. The dialogue enhances the tension and emotional impact of the scene, driving the narrative forward.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its fast-paced action, sharp dialogue, and high stakes. The unfolding crisis and the characters' reactions keep the audience on the edge of their seats, eager to see how the situation will unfold.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and suspense, with a steady rhythm that keeps the audience engaged and eager to see how the events will unfold. The pacing contributes to the overall effectiveness of the scene in conveying the urgency of the situation.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene descriptions, character actions, and dialogue that flow smoothly from one moment to the next. The formatting enhances the readability and impact of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected format for a crisis situation in a newsroom, with escalating tension and dramatic reveals that keep the audience on edge. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness in building suspense.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the tension and urgency of the situation, showcasing the struggle of the characters to balance their roles as sports broadcasters with the gravity of the unfolding crisis. However, the transition from sports coverage to a hostage situation could be more pronounced to emphasize the emotional weight of the moment.
  • Jim McKay's dialogue is strong, but it could benefit from a more personal touch. Instead of just stating the facts, he could express his own emotional conflict about covering sports while a tragedy unfolds, which would deepen the audience's connection to the characters.
  • Geoff's frantic energy is palpable, but the dialogue could be tightened to enhance the urgency. For example, instead of saying 'Which machine has the damn boxing match?', a more concise line like 'Which tape is the boxing match?' would maintain the tension without losing clarity.
  • The introduction of David Berger's father adds an emotional layer, but the scene could benefit from a more seamless integration of this subplot. Perhaps a brief moment where Geoff reflects on the father's anguish could serve to heighten the stakes and remind the audience of the human cost behind the headlines.
  • The pacing of the scene feels slightly uneven. The buildup to the announcement of the shooting is effective, but the transition from the boxing highlights to the shocking news could be more abrupt to reflect the chaos of the situation. This would enhance the emotional impact of the moment.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment of silence or a pause after McKay's announcement to allow the weight of the situation to settle in for both the characters and the audience.
  • Incorporate more internal thoughts or reactions from Geoff as he processes the absurdity of airing sports highlights during a crisis. This could be done through voiceover or brief flashbacks to earlier moments of the day.
  • Enhance the emotional stakes by including a brief exchange between Geoff and another character about the implications of their coverage, perhaps questioning the ethics of broadcasting sports highlights amidst a tragedy.
  • Explore the use of visual elements, such as close-ups of the crew's faces, to convey their shock and disbelief as the news of the shooting breaks. This would help to visually communicate the gravity of the situation.
  • Consider ending the scene with a more definitive emotional beat, such as a character's reaction to the news of the shooting, to leave the audience with a strong sense of the impending chaos.



Scene 51 - Chaos in the Streets
INT. ABC STUDIO / HALLWAY - NIGHT

The mighty studio camera is being rolled back in when Carter
appears behind it and runs into the hallway, carrying a film
can.

Geoff rushes to meet him.

CARTER
(takes off motorcycle
helmet)
It’s crazy out there. Massive
traffic jam, hundreds of people
blocking the road. Police couldn’t
even get through with their tanks.

GEOFF
Tanks!?


INT. EDITING ROOM - NIGHT

FULL SCREEN. We’re in a car. Marianne is driving, Hank sits
shotgun with the boom. Filmed from the backseat.

MARIANNE
Was zur Hölle ist denn hier los?

The camera pans, now looks out of the windshield, reveals a
massive traffic jam ahead.


We hear Carter’s voice from behind the camera:

CARTER (O.S.)
Are those journalists?

MARIANNE
I don’t know. But I think the ride
ends here.

White flash. New footage: We’re outside now. Hundreds of cars
block the road. People with binoculars stand on car roofs.
They all stare at a distant glow across the fields.

CARTER (O.C.)
See those lights? That’s the
airport.

We cut to see Geoff watching the screen. Carter stands next
to him, biker helmet under his arm.

CARTER (CONT’D)
Everyone just left their cars
behind and walked there.

GEOFF
How did you get here?

CARTER
Marianne convinced some guy to lend
us his moped.
(points to the screen)
There they are!

Camera pan to two police tanks that roll towards the
gridlock. No way through. The lead tank swivels its steering
axle. Drives onto a field. The other tanks follow.

GEOFF
That’s great stuff, Carter. We need
more of it.

Carter nods, puts his helmet back on.

CARTER
But this is useless there.
(tosses Geoff the walkie)
Saw some pay phones. We’ll call as
soon as there’s any news.

As he speeds off, Geoff looks at the monitor, where the
camera chases...

MATCH CUT TO:.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary Carter rushes into the ABC studio hallway with urgent news about a massive traffic jam caused by crowds blocking the road, hindering police tanks. In the editing room, Marianne and Hank are filming from their car, trying to understand the chaos as they spot people gazing at a distant glow from the airport. While Geoff praises Carter for capturing valuable footage, Carter realizes they need to call for updates, as the footage is irrelevant to their immediate crisis. He then departs on a moped to find a pay phone, leaving Geoff to assess the situation.
Strengths
  • Intense conflict
  • Realistic dialogue
  • Effective pacing
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development
  • Some dialogue may be repetitive

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys the chaos and urgency of the situation, keeping the audience engaged with high stakes and escalating tension.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of portraying a high-stakes hostage situation during a major sporting event is compelling and effectively executed in the scene.

Plot: 8.5

The plot of the scene revolves around the escalating tension and urgent decision-making in the control room, driving the narrative forward and keeping the audience on edge.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh and original take on the chaos of a traffic jam and the challenges faced by journalists in reporting breaking news. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging, adding depth to the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters in the scene are well-developed, each contributing to the escalating tension and urgency of the situation. Their reactions and decisions drive the plot forward.

Character Changes: 7

While there are no significant character arcs in this scene, the characters' reactions and decisions showcase their development under pressure.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to capture compelling footage of the chaotic situation unfolding outside. This reflects their desire to excel in their job and showcase their skills as a filmmaker.

External Goal: 7.5

The protagonist's external goal is to report on the events happening outside and provide updates to their team. This reflects the immediate challenge of navigating through the chaos and capturing newsworthy footage.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is intense and multi-faceted, with external threats at the airport and internal tensions in the control room adding to the sense of urgency.

Opposition: 7.5

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the characters facing obstacles and challenges that test their skills and resourcefulness. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how the characters will overcome the chaos and conflict.

High Stakes: 9

The high stakes of the hostage situation during the Olympic Games create a sense of urgency and danger, raising the tension and emotional impact of the scene.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by escalating the tension and setting the stage for the next critical events in the hostage situation.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists and turns in the characters' actions and the evolving nature of the situation. The audience is kept on their toes, unsure of what will happen next.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the ethics of journalism and the responsibility of reporting the truth. The protagonist must balance the desire for sensational footage with the need for accurate and ethical reporting.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from fear and shock to frustration and urgency, keeping the audience emotionally invested in the unfolding drama.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue effectively conveys the urgency and chaos of the situation, with characters reacting authentically to the unfolding events.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its fast-paced action, high stakes, and dynamic character interactions. The audience is drawn into the chaos of the situation and invested in the characters' journey.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a balance of action, dialogue, and description to keep the audience engaged. The rhythm of the scene builds tension and suspense, leading to a satisfying payoff.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings, action lines, and dialogue formatting. The use of visual cues and descriptive language enhances the reader's understanding of the setting and characters.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear and engaging structure, moving seamlessly between different locations and characters to build tension and suspense. The pacing is well-executed, keeping the audience invested in the unfolding events.


Critique
  • The scene effectively conveys a sense of urgency and chaos, which is appropriate given the context of the hostage situation. The use of Carter's frantic entrance and the immediate dialogue about tanks and traffic jams sets a tense tone that aligns well with the overall narrative.
  • The transition between the hallway and the editing room is smooth, but the scene could benefit from more visual variety. While the dialogue is engaging, incorporating more dynamic camera movements or angles could enhance the visual storytelling and maintain audience interest.
  • Marianne's line in German adds authenticity, but it may alienate viewers who do not understand the language. Consider adding a quick translation or context to ensure all viewers can follow the narrative without confusion.
  • Carter's character is established as resourceful and quick-thinking, but his motivations for taking the moped could be clearer. A brief line about the urgency of the situation or a hint at the danger they face would strengthen his actions and make them more relatable.
  • The dialogue is generally strong, but some lines could be tightened for clarity and impact. For example, instead of 'How did you get here?' a more urgent 'What happened out there?' could better reflect Geoff's concern and the gravity of the situation.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more sensory details to immerse the audience in the chaos outside. Describing the sounds of the crowd, the sight of flashing lights, or the tension in the air could enhance the scene's emotional weight.
  • Introduce a moment of hesitation or fear from Geoff or Marianne to humanize them further. This could be a brief exchange that highlights their anxiety about the unfolding events, making the stakes feel more personal.
  • Incorporate a visual cue or sound effect that signifies the urgency of the situation, such as distant sirens or the sound of helicopters, to create a more immersive atmosphere.
  • Explore the possibility of adding a brief interaction between Geoff and Marianne that showcases their teamwork and camaraderie, reinforcing their connection amidst the chaos.
  • Ensure that the pacing of the scene matches the urgency of the situation. If the scene feels too drawn out, consider trimming some dialogue or actions to maintain a brisk, tense rhythm.



Scene 52 - Breaking News: Tension at the Airport
INT. CONTROL ROOM - NIGHT

Fullscreen main monitor:


...the camera chases silhouettes through the night. Towards
the faint glow in the distance. Tanks roll across the fields,
heading in the same direction.

It looks like scenery from a war movie.

FLASH.

Marianne stands in the midst of a densely packed crowd at the
airfield’s fence. Camera flashes everywhere. Excited voices.

Suddenly the same eerie noises we heard in the morning. Shots
of AK-47s. This time it's not just one shooter.

The camera zooms in on the airport. Catches muzzles flashing
in the dark.

McKAY
That was the footage we’ve gotten
so far. Our reporters on site will
keep us updated on any new
developments.

Then the footage ends.

The studio camera now shows Peter Jennings.

McKAY (CONT’D)
With me now is Peter Jennings, who
reported the whole day for us
directly out of the Village. Peter,
what conclusions do you draw from
these recordings?

Jennings nods thoughtfully.

JENNINGS
Clearly, the German authorities
want to end this here and now, Jim.
But now they have to improvise. And
so far, they haven’t proven
themselves to be very good at that.

Geoff’s phone rings.

GEOFF
Yeah?
(beat)
Yes, we have the footage on the air
right now...What?!
(beat)
Mary-Ann, that’s huge. Hold on.
(stands up)
Everybody! Listen to this!

The crew senses Geoff's excitement.

He puts the phone on the amplifier.


GEOFF (CONT’D)
Go again, Mary-Ann.

MARIANNE
For the last hour we’ve been
hearing gunshots. A few minutes ago
the shooting suddenly stopped. Then
a man from Hans Klein’s office came
up from the airport and said the
hostages are all free.

Geoff and Jacques look at each other, smiles growing.

GEOFF
Is that confirmed?

MARIANNE
I don’t know, Geoff. People are
celebrating. Everyone here is––

Over the phone we hear people knocking against the phone
booth. We hear them shouting.

MARIANNE (CONT’D)
Verdammt nochmal, such Dir doch
Deine eigene scheiß Telefonzelle!
(beat)
I have to go, Geoff. This phone
booth‘s in high demand.

Another phone rings. It’s Roone:

ROONE
Check the Germans. ZDF. Now. Don’t
know what they’re saying, but they
sound damn happy.

GEOFF
(into phone 1)
What?
(into phone on amplifier)
Wait, Mary-Ann.

Geoff turns to see the backrow monitor: ZDF’s news anchor
listens to a correspondent excitedly report live over the
phone.

GEOFF (CONT’D)
Turn it up!

The Backrow Technician turns up the volume on the TV. Geoff
grabs the phone from the amplifier and holds the receiver
towards the TV so Marianne can hear.

ZDF CORRESPONDENT
...es scheint festzustehen, dass
bei einem Schusswechsel alle
Geiseln entkommen sind.


Geoff puts the phone to his ear to hear Marianne:

MARIANNE
He says it too. They’re all free!

GEOFF
(into other phone)
Roone? ZDF says they’re free. Let
me check with Bader.

The excitement in the room grows.

Geoff tucks one of the two phone receivers between ear and
shoulder and grabs the walkie.

GEOFF (CONT’D)
Marvin?

BADER
Yeah. We’re watching it.

GEOFF
So, it’s official?

BADER
Not yet. I can see Klein’s press
staff buzzing on the phone. Seems
that they have serious doubts.
(beat)
Don’t air it yet. Wait for the
confirmation.

GEOFF
(into phone)
It’s not confirmed yet.

ROONE
Then we have Jim use the phrase “as
we’re hearing”.

Feeling it’s settled, Roone hangs up.

GEOFF
(into walkie)
Marvin, we need to go on air now.
I’ll have Jim use “as we’re
hearing” for wording.

BADER
Where is Roone? Let me talk to him.
(no response)
Geoff, do you read me? Don’t air
it. We need two confirmed sources.

GEOFF
It’s on ZDF. They’re airing it.
Roone just called anxious to get it
out.


BADER
Geoff, if we air it, then everybody
else will.

GEOFF
So we let NBC or CBS get the scoop?

BADER
This isn’t a competition. Wait for
confirmation.

GEOFF
(thinks)
Sorry Marv, we need to go on air
now.

Geoff clicks off the walkie-talkie and speaks into the mic:

GEOFF (CONT’D)
Jim...

Over the main monitor we see McKay push on his earpiece.

GEOFF (CONT’D)
We’ve got good news. It seems like
the hostages are free. But use the
phrase “as we are hearing”.

We stay on Geoff's face. Notice his unease as he listens to:

McKAY
As we are hearing now it appears
that the Germans were able to free
all hostages, but we don’t know
just yet what exactly happened
there.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In a high-stakes control room, a news team monitors a tense situation at an airport where gunfire has ceased, and hostages may be free. Marianne reports live, igniting excitement among the crew. Despite Roone and Bader's warnings about the need for confirmation, Geoff decides to go on air with the unverified news, instructing McKay to use cautious language. The scene captures the urgency and anxiety of the moment as McKay delivers the uncertain update to viewers.
Strengths
  • Intense anticipation and excitement
  • Realistic character reactions
  • Effective pacing and delivery of news
Weaknesses
  • Potential lack of focus on the external impact of the news on the broader narrative

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene is highly engaging, filled with tension and anticipation as the crew receives significant news. The mix of emotions and the high stakes involved make it a compelling moment in the screenplay.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of delivering breaking news in a high-pressure environment is executed well, creating a sense of urgency and importance. The scene effectively conveys the impact of the news on the characters and the audience.

Plot: 9

The plot progresses significantly in this scene with the revelation of the hostages being freed, adding a new layer of tension and anticipation to the story. The scene moves the narrative forward in a compelling way.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh take on the familiar trope of a newsroom reporting on a crisis, focusing on the ethical decisions and moral dilemmas faced by the characters. The dialogue feels authentic and realistic, adding to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters' reactions and interactions in this scene are authentic and engaging, reflecting their individual personalities and roles within the team. The emotional impact of the news is effectively conveyed through their responses.

Character Changes: 9

The characters undergo a subtle shift in their emotions and perspectives as they process the news of the hostages being freed. Their reactions reveal their dedication to their work and the impact of the events unfolding.

Internal Goal: 8

Geoff's internal goal is to report accurate and timely information to the public while balancing the pressure to be the first to break the news.

External Goal: 7

Geoff's external goal is to confirm the status of the hostages and decide whether to report the news before it is officially confirmed.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, as the characters grapple with the decision to report on the news of the hostages being freed without confirmed sources. The tension arises from the need for accuracy and the pressure to deliver the information.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene comes from conflicting information and the pressure to report breaking news accurately. The uncertainty adds tension and suspense to the scene.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are extremely high in this scene, as the crew grapples with the decision to report on the hostages being freed without confirmed sources. The outcome of their choice could have far-reaching consequences for their credibility and the public perception of the events.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by resolving a major plot point - the fate of the hostages. The revelation sets the stage for the next phase of the narrative, adding new layers of complexity and tension.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because the characters are faced with conflicting information and must make split-second decisions that could have far-reaching consequences.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the ethics of reporting breaking news without confirmed sources and the responsibility of the media to provide accurate information to the public.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9.5

The scene has a high emotional impact, as the characters experience a range of emotions from hope to concern to relief upon hearing the news of the hostages being freed. The audience is also likely to be emotionally invested in the outcome.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene is focused and impactful, conveying the urgency and significance of the news. The exchanges between the characters are realistic and contribute to the overall tension of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the high stakes, fast-paced dialogue, and moral dilemmas faced by the characters. The audience is drawn into the tension and uncertainty of the situation.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is fast and intense, with a sense of urgency that drives the action forward and keeps the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and easy to follow, with distinct dialogue and action lines that help convey the urgency and tension of the situation.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a tense newsroom scene, with clear pacing and a buildup of tension as the characters make decisions based on new information.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension and excitement as the crew receives potentially good news about the hostages. However, the pacing could be improved by tightening the dialogue exchanges, particularly in the phone conversations, to maintain urgency and avoid any lulls in momentum.
  • The use of multiple phone calls and communication devices creates a sense of chaos, which is appropriate for the situation. However, the transitions between characters on the phone could be clearer to avoid confusion for the audience. Consider using visual cues or sound effects to differentiate between the calls.
  • While the excitement in the control room is palpable, the emotional stakes could be heightened by including more internal conflict for Geoff. He is torn between the desire to break the news and the responsibility to ensure its accuracy. This internal struggle could be more explicitly stated in his dialogue or through his actions.
  • The dialogue is functional but lacks some emotional depth. Adding more personal stakes for the characters, such as their relationships with the hostages or their own fears about the situation, could enhance the emotional weight of the scene.
  • The scene ends on a note of uncertainty, which is effective, but it could benefit from a stronger visual or auditory cue to emphasize the gravity of the situation. Perhaps a shot of the crew's anxious faces or the sound of distant gunfire could reinforce the tension.
Suggestions
  • Consider tightening the dialogue in phone conversations to enhance the sense of urgency and keep the pacing brisk.
  • Use visual or auditory cues to clarify transitions between different phone calls and characters, helping the audience follow the action more easily.
  • Incorporate more internal conflict for Geoff to highlight the emotional stakes of the situation, making his dilemma more pronounced.
  • Add layers of emotional depth to the dialogue by referencing personal stakes or relationships, which would make the characters' reactions more relatable.
  • End the scene with a stronger visual or auditory cue that reinforces the tension, such as a close-up of the crew's anxious expressions or the sound of gunfire in the distance.



Scene 53 - Tension and Triumph in the Control Room
INT. CONTROL ROOM - NIGHT

Bader storms in, walks straight towards Geoff.

BADER
Everybody is reporting it now. They
are all following our lead.

GEOFF
Good thing we were first, then.

BADER
Klein can’t even find that man at
the fence who broke this. We’re
talking major worldwide news. Based
on the word of one mysterious man.
And no one has been able to confirm
it.


GEOFF
(starting to be unsure)
But Roone wanted-

BADER
You! You pulled the trigger. Not
Roone.

GEOFF
It’s on ZDF, Marvin! That’s German
state television.

BADER
And this is ABC! I vouched for you,
Geoff!

GEOFF
But we used “as we’re hearing”...

BADER
That’s a fucking technicality!

Geoff looks around the Control Room. Anxious: What if he
really was wrong?

Everyone’s uncomfortable.

The AP wire’s rattle breaks the tension.

Jacques rips off the paper, reads. Beaming, hands the paper
to Geoff. Geoff looks at it, eyes wide:

ALL ISRAELI HOSTAGES HAVE BEEN FREED. BRUNDAGE CONGRATULATES
GERMAN CHANCELLOR.

GEOFF
(to Bader)
It’s official. Look! THEY’RE FREE!

Jacques is the first to clap. Little by little everyone joins
in. Applause rings through the control room.

GEOFF (CONT’D)
Marvin...

BADER
Forget it. I’ve gotta find Roone.

He grabs the Wire and jogs out of the room.

Geoff watches his colleagues cheering and clapping, looks
into the relieved faces of the entire team.

Then falls back in his chair. All the day’s tension releasing
in one fell swoop.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In a tense control room, Bader confronts Geoff about the risks of their unconfirmed news report, leading to anxiety over its accuracy. The situation escalates until Jacques announces the release of all Israeli hostages, prompting relief and celebration among the team. While Bader seeks out their superior, Geoff experiences a wave of relief as he witnesses the joy of his colleagues.
Strengths
  • Effective portrayal of tension and relief
  • Realistic dialogue
  • Strong emotional impact
Weaknesses
  • Limited exploration of character dynamics
  • Some cliched reactions

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys the tension and relief of a breaking news event, keeping the audience engaged and emotionally invested.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a news team dealing with a high-stakes situation and the responsibility of reporting accurate information is well-developed and engaging.

Plot: 8.5

The plot of the scene revolves around the team's reaction to breaking news and the impact it has on their emotions, effectively driving the narrative forward.

Originality: 8

The scene presents a fresh take on the pressure and ethical dilemmas faced by journalists in a breaking news situation, with authentic dialogue and realistic character interactions.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters show a range of emotions and reactions, adding depth to the scene and making it more relatable to the audience.

Character Changes: 8

The characters experience a shift in emotions from tension to relief, showcasing their ability to adapt and respond to changing circumstances.

Internal Goal: 8

Geoff's internal goal in this scene is to prove himself as a competent and reliable journalist, despite facing doubts and pressure from his colleagues.

External Goal: 7

Geoff's external goal is to report breaking news accurately and be the first to do so, maintaining the reputation of the news organization.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7.5

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, as the characters grapple with the responsibility of reporting breaking news and the uncertainty of the situation.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene comes from the pressure to report breaking news accurately and the doubts faced by Geoff from his colleagues.

High Stakes: 9

The high stakes of the hostage situation and the responsibility of reporting accurate news add tension and urgency to the scene.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by resolving the immediate crisis of the hostages being freed, setting the stage for the next developments in the narrative.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it keeps the audience guessing about the outcome of the breaking news and the characters' reactions.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the ethics of reporting unconfirmed news and the pressure to be first versus being accurate.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene has a high emotional impact, eliciting relief, anxiety, and excitement from the audience as the characters react to the breaking news.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue effectively conveys the urgency and tension of the situation, with realistic exchanges between the characters.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the high stakes, fast-paced dialogue, and the emotional payoff of the resolution.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with tension building throughout and a satisfying resolution at the end.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of the scene is clear and easy to follow, with proper scene headings and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 9

The scene follows the expected structure for a tense newsroom scene, with clear character motivations and a well-paced narrative.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the tension and urgency of the moment, showcasing the high stakes involved in broadcasting potentially unverified news. Bader's frustration with Geoff adds a layer of conflict that heightens the drama, making the audience feel the weight of their decisions.
  • Geoff's initial confidence followed by his growing uncertainty is well portrayed, reflecting the internal conflict many journalists face when reporting breaking news. This character development is crucial for audience engagement, as it humanizes Geoff amidst the chaos.
  • The use of dialogue is strong, particularly in Bader's admonishment of Geoff. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext. For instance, Bader's anger could hint at deeper issues within the organization or his own insecurities about the situation, adding complexity to his character.
  • The transition from tension to relief is well executed with the arrival of the AP wire, but the pacing could be improved. The shift from anxiety to celebration feels a bit abrupt. A moment of hesitation or doubt before the announcement could enhance the emotional impact of the release of the hostages.
  • The scene ends on a positive note, but it might be more impactful if it included a brief reflection from Geoff on the day’s events. This could serve to ground the celebration in the reality of the situation, reminding the audience of the gravity of what has transpired.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment of silence or a pause after Bader's outburst to emphasize the weight of the situation before the AP wire arrives. This could build tension and make the eventual relief feel more earned.
  • Incorporate more visual elements to reflect the emotional state of the characters. For example, showing close-ups of anxious faces in the control room could enhance the atmosphere of uncertainty before the good news arrives.
  • Explore the dynamics between Geoff and Bader further. Perhaps include a line that hints at their past working relationship or a shared experience that adds depth to their conflict.
  • After the announcement of the hostages being freed, consider having Geoff express a moment of introspection or relief that acknowledges the human cost of the day’s events, rather than just celebrating the news.
  • To enhance the emotional resonance, you could include a brief flashback or a visual cue that reminds the audience of the stakes involved, such as a quick montage of the hostages or their families, before the celebration begins.



Scene 54 - Broadcast Breakthrough Amidst Crisis
INT. ROONE’S OFFICE - NIGHT

Bader charges in, excitedly waving the AP Wire. Roone is on
the phone, smiling, showing the AP Wire in his hands.

ROONE
(covers phone, to Bader)
It’s Starger.

Bader nods knowingly: this could be big.


EXT. CONTROL ROOM - NIGHT

The Assistant Director, phone in hand, announces:

ASSISTANT DIRECTOR
German Press Secretary is on his
way.

Jacques hands a beer to Geoff, smiles.

Geoff turns to the room. More beers are passed around. Geoff
raises his bottle:

GEOFF
Cheers, everyone. Good job!

Everyone raises a beer.

GEOFF (CONT’D)
But we’re not done yet. Conrad
Ahlers is here any second. We need
access to the cops from the
airfield. I’m talking interviews,
behind the scenes information,
anything.
(thinks)
Maybe we can even talk to the
hostages. So get on your phones and
start making calls.


INT. ROONE’S OFFICE - NIGHT

Roone hangs up the phone. Can’t stop smiling.

BADER
What? What’d he say?

Roone savors the moment, enjoys keeping Bader in suspense.

ROONE
He said that we made broadcast
history. Probably more people have
seen this than Armstrong stepping
on the moon.


BADER
So you gonna get a big bonus now?

Roone gets up and grabs a bottle:

ROONE
I’m getting a fucking drink,
Marvin.

Roone finds two glasses. Wants to start pouring:

ROONE (CONT’D)
Mason still on deck?

Bader nods. Roone starts pouring.

ROONE (CONT’D)
Kid’s good.

The two men toast.

BADER
Ahlers is here.

On the TV screen CONRAD AHLERS (49) sits now next to Jim
McKay in the studio.

Roone turns up the volume on the TV. The two men start
watching:

McKAY
With us in our studio is Chancellor
Brandt’s Press Secretary, Conrad
Ahlers. It’s an honor.

Ahlers looks uncomfortable on screen. Nods politely.

ROONE
Actually Starger mentioned that
they could use some help at ABC
News.

Bader is not surprised.

McKAY
Mr. Ahlers, when was it agreed to
allow the guerrillas to go from the
building to the helicopters?

Bader and Roone now focus on the screen.

AHLERS
Well, just two hours ago. Of course
that was part of the game. We never
meant to let them go free out of
this country...

Ahlers struggles awkwardly as he continues to speak:


AHLERS (CONT’D)
..and I’m very glad, as far as we
can see now, this police action was
successful.

Bader turns to Roone, concerned.

BADER
“As far as we can see”?

AHLERS
(struggles even more)
Of course, it’s an unfortunate
interruption of the Olympic Games,
but if all comes out as we hope it
will or has come out, I think it
will be forgotten after a few
weeks.

MCKAY BADER
And if the reports, as we “As we hope it will”...
hear them, are true, the
Games will continue probably
by tomorrow.

AHLERS
Well I’m quite sure and you must
understand that..ahm.. for us
Germans it was a tragic situation
that all that happened to Jewish
people... You know after all our
past of course it was our main idea
to get these Israelis free,
otherwise some of the old memories
might have come back.

MCKAY BADER
And I think the people of the This doesn’t sound right.
world are well aware that
those volunteers who were
trying to free the Israelis
today were German.

AHLERS
Yes I hope that they won’t, that
they won’t forget it.

MCKAY ROONE
Thank you very much, Mr. Hmm...It’s the Chancellor’s
Secretary. Appreciate the Press Secretary.
time you took to talk to us.

BADER
The IOC really wanted the games to
continue.


ROONE
Not even Brundage is that cold-
blooded.

BADER
(shrugs)
Maybe they were just a little bit
too optimistic about the situation.
(beat)
Can I use your phone?

Roone nods.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In a tense night at Roone's office and the control room, Bader excitedly announces their historic broadcast success, while Roone prepares drinks to celebrate. As the team gears up for the arrival of German Press Secretary Conrad Ahlers, they watch his live interview, where he struggles to address the ongoing hostage crisis at the Olympic Games. This raises concerns for both Bader and Roone about the clarity and management of the situation. The scene captures a mix of excitement and tension, culminating in Bader's request to use Roone's phone, signaling a shift towards urgent action.
Strengths
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Realistic character reactions
  • Exploration of ethical dilemmas
Weaknesses
  • Some awkward dialogue moments
  • Lack of visual variety in the setting

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys the tension and excitement of breaking news, while also highlighting the ethical dilemmas faced by the news team. The dialogue is engaging and thought-provoking, keeping the audience invested in the unfolding events.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring the consequences of a news report during a crisis is engaging and thought-provoking. It raises important questions about journalistic ethics and the impact of media coverage on real-world events.

Plot: 8.5

The plot of the scene revolves around the aftermath of a significant news report and the ethical dilemmas faced by the news team. It moves the story forward by highlighting the consequences of their actions.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh perspective on media coverage and the ethical dilemmas faced by journalists. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters in the scene are well-developed, with distinct personalities and motivations. Their reactions to the news report add depth to the story and create conflict within the team.

Character Changes: 8

The characters undergo subtle changes in their perspectives and attitudes as they grapple with the consequences of their news report. These changes add complexity to their personalities and drive the narrative forward.

Internal Goal: 8

Roone's internal goal is to bask in the success of their broadcast and enjoy the recognition of making history. This reflects his desire for validation and accomplishment.

External Goal: 9

The protagonist's external goal is to secure access to exclusive information and interviews for their news coverage. This reflects the immediate challenge of staying ahead in the competitive media landscape.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict in the scene arises from the ethical dilemmas faced by the news team and the consequences of their actions. It adds tension and drama to the narrative.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting viewpoints and ethical dilemmas that challenge the characters' decisions and actions.

High Stakes: 8

The scene has high stakes due to the impact of the news report on the ongoing crisis. The characters' decisions and actions have significant consequences, adding tension and urgency to the narrative.

Story Forward: 9

The scene effectively moves the story forward by exploring the aftermath of the news report and setting up new conflicts and dilemmas for the characters. It advances the plot while deepening the thematic elements of the narrative.

Unpredictability: 7

The scene is unpredictable in terms of the characters' reactions and the unfolding of the news coverage, keeping the audience on edge.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict revolves around the ethics of media coverage and the responsibility of reporting sensitive information. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs about journalistic integrity and the impact of their work.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene has a strong emotional impact, eliciting feelings of relief, excitement, and concern from the audience. The characters' reactions and the high stakes of the situation contribute to the emotional depth of the scene.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene is engaging and realistic, capturing the tension and emotion of the situation. It effectively conveys the ethical debates and personal stakes of the characters.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its fast-paced dialogue, high stakes, and character dynamics that keep the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a balance of tension-building moments and character interactions that drive the narrative forward.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to the expected format for a screenplay scene, with clear scene headings and character actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format for a dialogue-heavy sequence in a newsroom setting, effectively building tension and character dynamics.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures a moment of triumph and relief after a tense series of events, showcasing the emotional highs and lows experienced by the characters. However, the transition from the previous scene's tension to this celebratory moment feels slightly abrupt. The writer could enhance the emotional impact by incorporating a brief moment of reflection or dialogue that acknowledges the gravity of the situation before diving into the celebration.
  • The dialogue between Roone and Bader is engaging and provides insight into their characters, but it could benefit from more subtext. For instance, while they celebrate the broadcast success, there should be an underlying tension or concern about the implications of the news they are reporting. This would add depth to their characters and highlight the moral complexities of their situation.
  • The introduction of Conrad Ahlers is a pivotal moment, yet his character feels somewhat underdeveloped in this scene. Providing a bit more background or context about Ahlers' role and his emotional state could help the audience connect with him. Additionally, his awkwardness on screen could be emphasized further to enhance the tension and discomfort of the situation.
  • The pacing of the scene is generally good, but the transition between the celebratory atmosphere and the serious news being reported could be smoother. The writer might consider using visual cues or sound design to bridge these moments more effectively, such as the sound of the TV increasing in volume as the news becomes more serious.
  • The scene ends with Bader asking to use Roone's phone, which feels like a somewhat anticlimactic conclusion after the buildup of excitement. A stronger closing line or action could leave the audience with a more lasting impression, perhaps by hinting at the challenges that lie ahead or the consequences of their actions.
Suggestions
  • Add a moment of reflection for Geoff or another character to acknowledge the tension and stakes before the celebration begins, enhancing the emotional transition.
  • Incorporate subtext in the dialogue between Roone and Bader to reflect their internal conflicts and concerns about the implications of their broadcast.
  • Develop Conrad Ahlers' character further by providing context about his role and emotional state, making his awkwardness more impactful.
  • Use visual or auditory elements to create a smoother transition between the celebratory atmosphere and the serious news being reported.
  • Consider ending the scene with a stronger closing line or action that hints at the challenges ahead, leaving the audience with a more profound sense of anticipation.



Scene 55 - Crisis in the Control Room
INT. CONTROL ROOM - NIGHT

On the line monitor McKay finishes with Ahlers. The
commercial break starts.

GEOFF
Ok. Thanks, everyone.
(speaks to back row)
Where are we at with the airport
police?

COMMUNICATOR
Can’t get through.

CONTENT MANAGER
Same here. Been on hold for twenty
minutes.

GEOFF
What about the hostages?

JACQUES
Don’t you think we should give them
a break?

GEOFF
You might be right there.
(thinks)
What about the bus drivers or
helicopter pilots? Guys, get
creative, we have a story to tell.

The crew gets busy again.


INT. ROONE’S OFFICE - NIGHT

Bader’s on the phone. The tension’s back.

BADER
No, let me talk to Hans. Why-
(beat)
What do you mean?
(MORE)

BADER (CONT’D)
Conrad Ahlers just announced it on
live television. In our studio!

Bader can’t believe what he’s hearing.

BADER (CONT’D)
What’d you just say?!

Bader’s eyes widen. He turns to Roone. Horrified.


INT. HALLWAY - NIGHT

Roone sprints down the hallway. Faster, more desperately,
than anyone we’ve seen today.

He bends the corner -- bumps into a crew member -- throws
open the control room door --


INT. CONTROL ROOM - NIGHT

Bursts in, immediately delivering the news:

ROONE
They’re still shooting at the
airport!

A collective shock hits the room.

ROONE (CONT’D)
Bader just got the info directly
from Klein’s office.

Geoff looks at him. Face deathly white.

Murmurs of horror and disbelief.

ROONE (CONT’D)
Jim has to correct it. Immediately.

This is no longer about “wanting to be first.” We can see how
distraught he is.

Geoff is stunned. Roone runs to his station and grabs the
mic:

ROONE (CONT’D)
Jim, Peter, this is Roone.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In a tense control room at night, Geoff and his crew grapple with the unfolding crisis of a shooting at the airport. As Bader receives alarming news from Conrad Ahlers, Roone rushes in to emphasize the urgency of correcting misinformation. The atmosphere shifts from creative storytelling to a desperate need for accurate reporting, with Jacques suggesting a humane approach for the hostages. The scene culminates in Roone grabbing the mic to relay urgent updates, highlighting the chaos and urgency of the situation.
Strengths
  • Tense atmosphere
  • Sharp dialogue
  • Emotional impact
  • High stakes
Weaknesses
  • Some confusion due to conflicting information

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys the high-stakes nature of the situation, with a sense of urgency and desperation permeating the dialogue and actions of the characters. The conflicting information and the characters' reactions create a tense and shocking atmosphere, keeping the audience engaged.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a news team grappling with breaking news at an airport hostage situation is compelling and well-executed. The scene effectively explores the challenges and ethical dilemmas faced by journalists in such situations.

Plot: 8.5

The plot of the scene is engaging and propels the story forward, with new information and developments keeping the audience on edge. The resolution of the hostage situation adds a layer of complexity and emotion to the narrative.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh take on the newsroom drama genre by focusing on the ethical dilemmas and high-pressure decisions faced by journalists. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters in the scene are well-defined and their reactions to the unfolding events feel authentic and relatable. The dynamics between the team members add depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 8

Several characters experience changes in their perspectives and actions during the scene, particularly in response to the evolving situation at the airport. These changes add depth to their arcs and contribute to the overall narrative.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to maintain control and professionalism in the face of a rapidly unfolding crisis. This reflects their need for competence and leadership in a high-stress environment.

External Goal: 9

The protagonist's external goal is to report breaking news accurately and quickly, while also managing the chaos and emotions of the newsroom staff. This reflects the immediate challenge of balancing speed and accuracy in reporting.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The level of conflict in the scene is high, with the characters facing internal and external challenges that test their resolve and decision-making. The conflicting information and the urgency of the situation create a sense of chaos and tension.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing multiple challenges and obstacles in reporting the breaking news accurately and ethically. The audience is unsure of how the protagonist will overcome these obstacles.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes in the scene are extremely high, with lives on the line and the reputation of the news team at risk. The urgency and intensity of the situation heighten the sense of danger and uncertainty.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward significantly, with new information and developments shaping the direction of the narrative. The resolution of the hostage situation marks a crucial turning point in the plot.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists and turns in the breaking news story, as well as the characters' emotional reactions and decisions. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how the situation will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the tension between the desire to be first to report a story and the responsibility to report accurately and ethically. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs about the importance of journalistic integrity.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene has a significant emotional impact, with moments of horror, relief, and desperation evoking strong reactions from both the characters and the audience. The stakes are high, and the emotional intensity is palpable throughout.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene is sharp and impactful, conveying the urgency and tension of the situation. The exchanges between the characters reveal their personalities and motivations effectively.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its fast-paced action, high stakes, and dramatic tension. The audience is drawn into the urgency of the newsroom crisis and the characters' emotional reactions.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and suspense, with a rapid escalation of events and a dramatic reveal. The rhythm of the dialogue and action keeps the audience engaged and invested in the outcome.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene headings, dialogue formatting, and action descriptions. The formatting enhances the readability and flow of the scene.

Structure: 9

The scene follows the expected structure for a high-stakes newsroom drama, with a clear setup, escalating tension, and a dramatic reveal. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension by transitioning from a moment of uncertainty to a shocking revelation about ongoing violence at the airport. This escalation is crucial in maintaining the urgency of the narrative.
  • Geoff's character is portrayed as proactive and resourceful, but his dialogue could benefit from more emotional depth. His initial optimism about finding alternative sources for news feels somewhat detached given the gravity of the situation. Adding a line that reflects his internal conflict or fear could enhance his character development.
  • The dialogue among the crew members is realistic and captures the frantic atmosphere of a news control room. However, the line 'Guys, get creative, we have a story to tell' feels slightly clichéd and could be rephrased to sound more authentic and urgent.
  • Roone's entrance into the control room is impactful, but the pacing could be improved. The transition from Bader's phone call to Roone's sprint feels abrupt. A brief moment of hesitation or a visual cue showing Roone's internal struggle before he bursts in could heighten the tension.
  • The use of technical jargon, such as 'communicator' and 'content manager,' may alienate some viewers. Consider using more relatable terms or providing context to clarify their roles within the scene.
  • The scene ends on a strong note with Roone taking charge, but it could benefit from a more explicit call to action. Instead of just stating that Jim needs to correct the information, Roone could outline a specific plan or urgency that emphasizes the stakes involved.
Suggestions
  • Add a line or two of internal dialogue for Geoff that reflects his anxiety or fear about the situation, enhancing his emotional depth.
  • Rephrase Geoff's line about creativity to sound more urgent and less clichéd, perhaps by expressing the gravity of the situation more directly.
  • Include a brief moment of hesitation or a visual cue for Roone before he bursts into the control room to build suspense.
  • Consider using more relatable terms for the crew's roles to make the scene more accessible to viewers unfamiliar with broadcasting terminology.
  • Incorporate a more explicit call to action from Roone, outlining a specific plan for the crew to follow in response to the breaking news.



Scene 56 - Desperate Plea Amidst Chaos
INT. ROONE’S OFFICE - NIGHT

Bader screams into the phone:

BADER
... I know that’s not true! I got a
fucking TV set too!
(MORE)

BADER (CONT’D)
Just tell me what happened!
(beat)
Don’t give me that shit.

Bader realizes he’s getting nowhere with this.

Calms down, breathes deep. Then appeals in clear words:

BADER (CONT’D)
Hans...

His voice shakes.

BADER (CONT’D)
... I’m asking you. As a friend.
Please tell me what happened.


INT. CONTROL ROOM - NIGHT

The crew watches McKay reporting on the unclear situation:

McKAY
The latest word we get from the
airport is that quote “all of Hell
was broken loose out there,” that
there's still shooting going on,
that there’s a report of a burning
helicopter, but all seems to be
confusion. Nothing is nailed down.
We have no idea what has happened
to the hostages.

Then Bader’s at the door. Completely pale.

BADER
Geoff...Roone...hallway. Please.

Geoff and Roone start walking to the door.

They don’t want to spread any nervousness, but this silent
procession feels ominous to everyone in the room.

We follow them into--
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In a tense scene set in Roone's office at night, Bader frantically seeks information about a hostage situation at an airport, initially expressing anger before shifting to a desperate plea for honesty from his friend Hans. Meanwhile, the control room crew listens to McKay's report detailing the chaos, including a burning helicopter and uncertainty about the hostages. Bader, visibly distressed, interrupts the crew's work, leading Geoff and Roone into the hallway, hinting at a serious development that requires their immediate attention.
Strengths
  • Intense atmosphere
  • Compelling character reactions
  • Effective pacing
Weaknesses
  • Unclear resolution
  • Lack of concrete information

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys the high stakes and emotional turmoil of the characters, keeping the audience on edge with its tense atmosphere and ominous undertones.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene revolves around the characters' reactions to a breaking point in the hostage situation, effectively capturing the fear and uncertainty of the moment.

Plot: 8.5

The plot advances significantly in this scene, with the characters facing a critical juncture in the unfolding crisis that propels the narrative forward with heightened tension.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh take on the familiar trope of a newsroom crisis, focusing on the personal and emotional reactions of the characters. The authenticity of the dialogue and actions adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters' reactions and interactions in the scene are compelling, showcasing their fear, desperation, and determination in the face of a rapidly evolving crisis.

Character Changes: 8

The characters undergo emotional shifts and revelations in response to the breaking point in the crisis, deepening their development and adding complexity to their arcs.

Internal Goal: 8

Bader's internal goal in this scene is to find out what happened in the crisis situation and to maintain control and composure in a high-pressure environment. This reflects his deeper need for information, understanding, and leadership.

External Goal: 7

Bader's external goal in this scene is to gather information and make decisions based on the unfolding crisis. This reflects the immediate challenge of managing a breaking news situation and ensuring the safety of hostages.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The level of conflict in the scene is high, with the characters facing a critical moment in the hostage situation that intensifies the drama and raises the stakes.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the characters facing challenges, conflicts, and obstacles that create uncertainty and suspense for the audience.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are incredibly high in the scene, with the characters facing a life-or-death situation that tests their resolve and pushes them to their limits.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by presenting a critical moment in the hostage situation that propels the narrative towards a resolution, heightening the tension and suspense.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting dynamics between the characters, the uncertain outcome of the crisis, and the emotional twists and turns.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the tension between the need for accurate information and the pressure to report quickly. This challenges Bader's beliefs in journalistic integrity and ethical reporting.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a significant emotional impact, evoking fear, tension, and relief in the audience as they witness the characters' reactions to the escalating crisis.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue effectively conveys the characters' emotions and the urgency of the situation, adding depth to their interactions and enhancing the tension of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its fast-paced dialogue, emotional intensity, and high-stakes conflict. The audience is drawn into the unfolding crisis and invested in the characters' actions.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension, maintaining suspense, and keeping the audience engaged in the unfolding events.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene headings, dialogue formatting, and action descriptions.

Structure: 9

The scene follows the expected structure for a crisis situation in a newsroom, with escalating tension, clear character motivations, and a sense of urgency.


Critique
  • The scene effectively conveys the urgency and tension of the situation through Bader's frantic phone call and his subsequent calm appeal to Hans. This contrast highlights the emotional stakes involved, but it could benefit from more visual cues to enhance the atmosphere. For instance, incorporating details about Bader's physical state (sweating, pacing) could further illustrate his anxiety.
  • The dialogue is strong, particularly Bader's transition from anger to a more vulnerable plea. However, the scene could be improved by adding more subtext to the dialogue. For example, Bader's initial outburst could hint at deeper frustrations or fears about the situation, which would add layers to his character.
  • The transition from Bader's office to the control room is somewhat abrupt. A smoother transition could be achieved by including a brief moment of hesitation or a shared look between Bader, Geoff, and Roone before they leave the office, emphasizing the gravity of the news they are about to receive.
  • The description of the control room's atmosphere is minimal. Adding sensory details—like the sounds of the crew's murmurs, the flickering of monitors, or the tension in the air—would immerse the audience more fully in the scene.
  • The pacing of the scene is effective, but it could be enhanced by varying the rhythm of the dialogue. For instance, inserting a moment of silence after Bader's plea could heighten the tension before the transition to the control room.
Suggestions
  • Incorporate more physical descriptions of Bader's demeanor to visually convey his emotional state, such as his body language or facial expressions.
  • Add subtext to Bader's dialogue to reveal his deeper fears or frustrations, making his character more relatable and complex.
  • Create a smoother transition between Bader's office and the control room by including a moment of shared concern or hesitation among the characters.
  • Enhance the atmosphere of the control room with sensory details that reflect the tension and urgency of the situation.
  • Consider varying the rhythm of the dialogue to create moments of silence that can amplify the emotional weight of the scene.



Scene 57 - Echoes of Loss
INT. HALLWAY - NIGHT

--the empty hallway. Roone closes the door behind them.
Bader looks at the ground. Removes his glasses. Can’t even
start to talk.

ROONE
How many?

An endless beat, until Bader finally says it:


BADER
... All of them.

Silence.

Roone stops breathing. Feels the world is spinning.

Geoff jumps in. Can’t just accept this.

GEOFF
What if this is just another rumor?
There was an explosion, gunfire, no
one--

BADER
Klein heard it from three separate
sources.

GEOFF
We-- We can’t rely on other people
anymore, we-

BADER
Geoff, it’s over.

GEOFF
(losing it)
You don’t know that! We have to
investigate-- And what about
Marianne? Why haven’t we heard from
her?

As Geoff rambles on, Bader looks at him helplessly.

GEOFF (CONT’D)
Lets send another team out –– I’ll
go with them!

JACQUES (O.S.)
... Geoff?

GEOFF
(not hearing)
We have a journalistic
responsibility here. This is our
chance, right here, right now.
Roone.

JACQUES
Geoff!

Finally Geoff turns. Jacques stands stoically in the control
room doorway. Never has he seemed so serious.

JACQUES (CONT’D)
Marianne is on the phone.

Those words slam into Geoff. Takes a moment for him to move.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In a dimly lit hallway at night, Roone and Bader grapple with the devastating news that 'all of them' are gone, leaving Roone shaken and Bader resigned. Geoff, in disbelief, insists on investigating further, clashing with Bader's acceptance of the situation. The tension escalates until Jacques interrupts with the critical news that Marianne is on the phone, providing a moment of clarity amidst the chaos.
Strengths
  • Intense emotional impact
  • Strong character dynamics
  • High stakes
  • Compelling narrative progression
Weaknesses
  • Potential for dialogue to be more concise and impactful

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene is intense, emotionally charged, and pivotal to the plot, with strong character dynamics and high stakes driving the narrative forward.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of facing a breaking point in the midst of a crisis is compelling and drives the scene's emotional depth and narrative progression.

Plot: 9

The plot advances significantly as the characters receive critical information that changes the course of the story, setting up new challenges and decisions.

Originality: 8

The scene presents a fresh approach to the familiar trope of characters dealing with a crisis situation, with unique character dynamics and emotional depth.


Character Development

Characters: 9.2

The characters' reactions and interactions are authentic and layered, showcasing their individual personalities and the dynamics within the group.

Character Changes: 9

The characters undergo significant emotional shifts and realizations in response to the news, leading to personal growth and new perspectives.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is likely to come to terms with the shocking news they have just received and to process their emotions. Roone, Geoff, and Bader are all dealing with the impact of the revelation in different ways.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to figure out how to respond to the news they have just received. Geoff wants to investigate further and take action, while Bader seems resigned to the situation.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9.5

The conflict reaches a peak as the characters confront a devastating reality and must decide how to proceed, creating intense drama and emotional turmoil.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting viewpoints and motivations among the characters, creating uncertainty and tension.

High Stakes: 10

The stakes are incredibly high as the characters face a critical moment that could have far-reaching consequences, adding urgency and tension to the scene.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward by introducing a major development that alters the characters' goals and actions, setting the stage for the next narrative arc.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected turn of events and the characters' conflicting reactions to the news they receive.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the characters' differing beliefs about how to handle the situation. Geoff believes in taking action and investigating further, while Bader seems to accept the situation as it is.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9.5

The scene delivers a powerful emotional punch, evoking fear, shock, relief, and determination in the characters and the audience.

Dialogue: 8.8

The dialogue effectively conveys the characters' emotions, conflicts, and decisions, adding depth to the scene and driving the narrative forward.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the high stakes, emotional conflict, and uncertainty surrounding the characters' actions and decisions.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the characters' reactions and decisions.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and easy to follow, with distinct character actions and dialogue.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a tense and dramatic moment in a screenplay, with clear character motivations and conflict.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension through the use of silence and the emotional weight of the characters' reactions. Bader's struggle to communicate the devastating news is palpable, and the contrast between his demeanor and Geoff's frantic energy highlights the emotional stakes involved.
  • Geoff's denial and insistence on investigating further serve to illustrate his character's determination and journalistic integrity. However, this could be further emphasized by providing a clearer motivation for his urgency—perhaps a personal connection to the situation or a past experience that drives his need to seek the truth.
  • The dialogue is impactful, but it could benefit from more subtext. For instance, instead of having Geoff directly state his thoughts, consider allowing him to express his feelings through actions or more nuanced dialogue that hints at his emotional turmoil without explicitly stating it.
  • The pacing of the scene is effective, but the transition from Bader's devastating news to Geoff's outburst feels slightly abrupt. A moment of silence or a visual cue could enhance the emotional impact before Geoff's reaction, allowing the audience to fully absorb the gravity of the situation.
  • Jacques' entrance serves as a crucial turning point, but his line could be more impactful. Instead of simply stating that Marianne is on the phone, consider having him convey the urgency of the situation or the importance of her call, which would heighten the stakes for Geoff.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of silence after Bader delivers the news to allow the weight of the moment to settle in for both the characters and the audience.
  • Enhance Geoff's character motivation by incorporating a line or two that hints at his personal connection to the situation, making his urgency feel more relatable and grounded.
  • Revise Geoff's dialogue to include more subtext, allowing his emotions to come through in his tone and body language rather than explicitly stating his feelings.
  • Introduce a visual cue or a sound effect (like a distant explosion or siren) to emphasize the chaos outside and contrast it with the stillness of the hallway, enhancing the tension.
  • Rework Jacques' line to convey a sense of urgency, perhaps by stating something like, 'Geoff, you need to take this call. It’s Marianne—she might have crucial information.' This would elevate the stakes and draw Geoff's focus back to the immediate situation.



Scene 58 - Devastating News in the Control Room
INT. CONTROL ROOM - NIGHT

He walks to the phone like a man about to be hung. All eyes
on him. He picks up the receiver.

GEOFF
Marianne?

He listens. Dips his head. Hangs up.

Feeling the crew’s questioning looks, he faces them.

Then, with a slight nod, he gives the horrifying answer.

On the monitors, Jim McKay is discussing with Jennings, but
the room falls into vacuum-like silence.

Geoff struggles not to fall apart. From the corner of his eye
he sees Bader and Roone. Devastation has hit everywhere.

Geoff, fighting back emotions, sits down by the intercom.
Just now notices how much his hand shakes--

Roone sits next to him.

A moment later, Bader joins them.

The three men just sit silently looking at the monitor.

Finally Geoff pushes the button. Hand shaking.

CUT TO:

FULL SCREEN LINE MONITOR

JENNINGS
...small groups of people, with a
maximum of power over a minimum
period of time to control the
destinies of so many other people.

McKay suddenly interrupts him. Cut to:

McKAY
I’ve just gotten the final word.
(beat)
When I was a kid, my father used to
say‚ “Our greatest hopes and our
worst fears are seldom realized.”

He breathes deep, then stares straight at the camera. At us.

McKAY (CONT’D)
Our worst fears have been realized
tonight. They’ve now said there
were eleven hostages;
(MORE)

McKAY (CONT’D)
two were killed in their rooms this
morn-- yesterday morning, nine were
killed at the airport tonight.
They're all gone.

We see the faces of the crew. They still can't believe what
happened. Perplexed, they listen to McKay. Some with tears in
their eyes.

MCKAY (CONT’D)
It’s all over. The Israeli Olympic
team is destroyed. Much of it. But
what will happen to the Games of
the Twentieth Olympiad? None of us
know what effect this will have on
the course of world history.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In a tense night scene within the control room, Geoff receives a heartbreaking phone call from Marianne, revealing the tragic fate of the Israeli Olympic team. As he conveys the devastating news to his crew, the atmosphere shifts to one of shock and despair. McKay delivers a somber report confirming the fate of the hostages, deepening the emotional turmoil as the crew grapples with disbelief and mourning. The scene captures the heavy grief and sorrow as they confront the grim reality of the situation.
Strengths
  • Emotional impact
  • Character reactions
  • Tension building
Weaknesses
  • None apparent

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene is highly impactful, effectively conveying the emotional weight of the tragic revelation. The tension and shock are palpable, and the audience is left with a sense of grief and despair.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of revealing the tragic fate of the Israeli Olympic team in a controlled room setting is powerful and impactful, highlighting the human cost of the events unfolding.

Plot: 9

The plot of the scene revolves around the devastating news of the Israeli Olympic team's fate, driving the emotional core of the narrative forward.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh approach to portraying a tragic event, focusing on the characters' emotional responses and philosophical reflections. The authenticity of the dialogue and actions adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 9.2

The characters' reactions to the tragic revelation are authentic and moving, adding depth and emotional resonance to the scene.

Character Changes: 9

The characters undergo a significant emotional change as they process the tragic revelation, leading to a shift in their outlook and demeanor.

Internal Goal: 8

Geoff's internal goal in this scene is to maintain composure and deliver difficult news to the crew. This reflects his need to be strong in the face of tragedy and his fear of breaking down emotionally.

External Goal: 7

Geoff's external goal is to inform the crew about the tragic events that have occurred. This reflects the immediate challenge he is facing in delivering the news effectively.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, as the characters grapple with the devastating news and its implications.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, as the characters are faced with a difficult and heartbreaking situation that challenges their beliefs and emotions. The audience is left uncertain about the outcome.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are incredibly high in the scene, as the characters come to terms with the devastating loss of the Israeli Olympic team and grapple with the implications of the tragedy.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by revealing the tragic fate of the Israeli Olympic team, setting the stage for the next phase of the narrative.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected turn of events and the characters' varied emotional responses. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how the situation will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the themes of hope and fear, as expressed by McKay's dialogue. This challenges the characters' beliefs about the nature of humanity and the unpredictability of life.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9.5

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking feelings of sadness, grief, and shock in the audience.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is impactful and serves to convey the emotional weight of the moment, with Jim McKay's final words being particularly poignant.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the high stakes, emotional intensity, and the characters' compelling reactions to the tragic events. The audience is drawn into the unfolding drama.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotional resonance, allowing the audience to fully experience the impact of the tragic news. The rhythm of the dialogue and actions enhances the scene's effectiveness.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene adheres to the expected format for its genre, effectively conveying the dialogue and actions of the characters in a clear and concise manner.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene effectively conveys the escalating tension and emotional impact of the tragic news. It follows a logical progression that builds towards the climax.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the emotional weight of the moment, showcasing Geoff's internal struggle and the collective grief of the crew. The use of silence after Geoff's phone call is powerful, allowing the audience to feel the gravity of the news without needing excessive dialogue.
  • The transition from Geoff's personal turmoil to the broader implications of the tragedy is well executed. The cut to McKay's report serves as a stark reminder of the reality outside the control room, grounding the emotional response in the context of the unfolding crisis.
  • However, the pacing could be improved. The scene feels slightly rushed in its emotional beats. Allowing more time for Geoff's reaction before cutting to McKay could enhance the impact of the news. This would give the audience a moment to fully absorb the weight of the situation alongside the characters.
  • The dialogue from McKay is poignant, but it could benefit from a more personal touch. While he quotes his father, adding a brief reflection on his own feelings or memories related to the Olympics could deepen the emotional resonance and connect the audience more intimately with his character.
  • The visual elements are strong, but the description could be more vivid. For instance, detailing the expressions on the crew's faces or the physical environment of the control room could enhance the atmosphere and make the audience feel more present in the moment.
Suggestions
  • Consider extending the silence after Geoff hangs up to allow the audience to sit with the tension and grief before moving to the next action.
  • Add a brief moment of dialogue or internal monologue from Geoff reflecting on the weight of the news before cutting to McKay, which could provide a deeper emotional connection.
  • Enhance the visual descriptions of the crew's reactions and the control room environment to create a more immersive experience for the audience.
  • Incorporate a moment where Geoff physically reacts to the news, such as a deep breath or a moment of stillness, to emphasize his emotional state before he speaks.
  • Explore the possibility of having McKay's report include a personal anecdote or reflection that ties back to the Olympic spirit, making the news feel more impactful and relatable.



Scene 59 - Shared Shadows
INT. HALLWAY - NIGHT

The show is over.

Geoff watches the crew members leave the building, dejected.

He looks through the storage room window to see two worn
faces:

Hank and Carter unloading equipment, drawn from their mission
at the airport.

He walks to the room, stops in the doorway.


INT. STORAGE ROOM - NIGHT


Geoff notices Marianne at the Steenbeck. She’s packing up her
typewriter.

GEOFF
Are you alright?

Marianne looks at Geoff, her gaze reveals how deeply shaken
she is.

MARIANNE
No. Innocent people died. In
Germany. Again. And we failed.
Germany failed.

GEOFF
Marianne, I’m sorry I sent you out
there. I can only imagine the
things you saw.

MARIANNE
I saw nothing. I was there with
hundreds of people.
(MORE)

MARIANNE (CONT’D)
We stared into the night. We were
waiting for something to happen,
because we wanted to take a picture
of it.

Geoff lets this sink in, feeling the weight and scale of all
they’ve reported today.

ASSISTANT (O.S.)
Geoff, Roone would like a word.

Roone’s Assistant appears in the doorframe behind them.

Marianne grabs her bag and walks past Geoff toward the exit.

She stops. Pulls out car keys from her jacket pocket. Puts
them in Geoff’s hand.

They look at each other. A brief moment of recognition that
they have been through this together.

GEOFF
See you tomorrow?

MARIANNE
Yes.

Marianne leaves.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In a dimly lit storage room after a show, Geoff finds Marianne packing her typewriter, visibly shaken by the recent tragic events in Germany. They share a moment of understanding about their emotional turmoil, forming a bond through their shared trauma. Marianne hands Geoff her car keys before leaving, symbolizing their connection. The scene ends with Geoff asking if he will see her tomorrow, highlighting the unresolved feelings between them.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Authentic dialogue
  • Character development
Weaknesses
  • Limited plot progression
  • Lack of external conflict

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys the emotional impact of the tragic events, showcasing the characters' internal struggles and the weight of their roles in the situation. The dialogue and interactions feel authentic and poignant, drawing the audience into the characters' emotional turmoil.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of reflecting on the tragic events and exploring the characters' emotional responses is compelling and engaging. The scene effectively captures the aftermath of the high-stakes situation and the characters' struggles to come to terms with it.

Plot: 8

While the scene does not significantly advance the plot, it serves as a crucial moment of introspection and character development. It adds depth to the narrative by exploring the emotional aftermath of the tragedy.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh perspective on the aftermath of tragic events, exploring the emotional toll on journalists and the ethical dilemmas they face. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters' emotional depth and complexity shine through in this scene, showcasing their vulnerabilities, guilt, and humanity. The interactions between Geoff and Marianne are particularly poignant, highlighting their shared experience and emotional connection.

Character Changes: 8

The characters undergo emotional changes in this scene, grappling with guilt, remorse, and the weight of responsibility. Their interactions and reflections showcase their growth and vulnerability.

Internal Goal: 8

Geoff's internal goal is to console Marianne and express empathy for the difficult situation they are in. This reflects his deeper need for connection and understanding in the face of tragedy.

External Goal: 7

Geoff's external goal is to address the task given by Roone, the boss. This reflects the immediate challenge of balancing work responsibilities with personal emotions.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 3

While there is emotional conflict and turmoil within the characters, the scene is more focused on internal struggles and reflection rather than external conflict.

Opposition: 6

The opposition in the scene is more internal and emotional, as characters grapple with personal guilt, ethical dilemmas, and the weight of their work. The audience is unsure of how the characters will navigate these challenges.

High Stakes: 7

The high stakes of the tragic events are reflected in the characters' emotional turmoil and the weight of responsibility they feel. The scene highlights the human impact of the situation and the toll it takes on those involved.

Story Forward: 6

While the scene does not significantly move the plot forward, it adds depth and emotional resonance to the narrative by exploring the aftermath of the tragic events and the characters' emotional journey.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable in terms of the emotional revelations and character dynamics, but the overall outcome is somewhat expected given the genre and setting.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict revolves around the ethical dilemmas of journalism, the impact of reporting on tragic events, and the personal toll it takes on individuals. Marianne's statement about innocent people dying and their failure to capture the moment highlights this conflict.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking feelings of sadness, remorse, and empathy in the audience. The characters' emotional turmoil is palpable, drawing viewers into their internal struggles.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is heartfelt and authentic, effectively conveying the characters' emotions and inner turmoil. It allows for introspection and emotional depth, drawing the audience into the characters' emotional journey.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its emotional depth, subtle character interactions, and the underlying tension between personal and professional responsibilities. The audience is drawn into the characters' internal struggles and ethical dilemmas.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and emotional depth, allowing moments of reflection and connection to resonate with the audience. The rhythm enhances the scene's impact.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to the expected format for a screenplay, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting. It is easy to follow and visually engaging.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a traditional structure for a character-driven drama, with a clear setup, emotional conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm contribute to its effectiveness.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the emotional aftermath of a traumatic event, showcasing the weight of the characters' experiences. However, the dialogue could be more impactful by incorporating more specific imagery or memories that reflect the trauma they faced, rather than general statements about failure.
  • Marianne's line about staring into the night and waiting for something to happen is poignant, but it could benefit from a more visceral description of the atmosphere or emotions felt during that moment. This would help the audience connect more deeply with her experience.
  • The transition from the hallway to the storage room is smooth, but the scene could use more visual cues to emphasize the contrast between the bustling control room and the somber mood in the storage room. This would enhance the emotional weight of the moment.
  • Geoff's apology feels sincere, but it could be strengthened by showing more of his internal struggle. Perhaps a brief flashback or a moment of hesitation before he speaks could illustrate his guilt more vividly.
  • The moment of recognition between Geoff and Marianne is powerful, but it could be enhanced by a physical gesture or a lingering look that conveys their shared trauma more explicitly. This would deepen the emotional connection between the characters.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more specific details about the traumatic event to ground the dialogue in a shared experience, making it more relatable and impactful.
  • Enhance Marianne's emotional expression by incorporating vivid imagery or sensory details that reflect her feelings during the event.
  • Use visual elements, such as lighting or sound, to contrast the somber mood of the storage room with the earlier chaos of the control room, emphasizing the emotional shift.
  • Explore Geoff's internal conflict further by including a moment of hesitation or reflection before he speaks, showcasing his guilt and concern for Marianne.
  • Strengthen the moment of connection between Geoff and Marianne by adding a physical gesture or lingering look that conveys their shared trauma and understanding.



Scene 60 - Dawn of Responsibility
INT. ROONE’S OFFICE - NIGHT

Geoff enters. Roone’s on the phone.

ROONE
(into phone)
Hold on one second.

Roone puts his hand on the receiver, hands Geoff a wire.

ROONE (CONT’D)
There will be a commemoration at
the stadium. Tomorrow at 10 am. I
got us the bird. Jim and Jennings
will anchor.
(beat)
And you’ll be in charge.

Geoff has no idea how to deal with that. He is completely
perplexed.

Roone notices. Wants to clear things up.

ROONE (CONT’D)
I know it doesn't feel like it, but
you did a hell of a job today.


GEOFF
But... But it was a catastrophe.

ROONE
Get some rest.

Geoff is stunned. Doesn’t know how to respond.

Someone knocks. It’s Jennings.

JENNINGS
Roone, I wanted to talk to you
about an hour-long special for
tomorrow. I have a few approaches.

Geoff realizes Roone’s already moved on to Jennings.

Geoff leaves.


INT HALLWAY - NIGHT

Geoff walks out of Roone’s office.

He hears Jennings continuing through the open door behind him
as he walks down the hall.

JENNINGS (O.S.)
I’d take a flash unit out to the
airport to see the place in
daylight. The helicopters will
certainly still be there. At least
what is left of them....


INT. CONTROL ROOM - NIGHT

Geoff grabs his jacket. About to go when he pauses. Looks
back.

The room’s completely empty now. Like a ghost town. Pieces of
paper scattered on the floor. Half-empty coffee mugs
everywhere. One screen still flashes, showing ABC NY’s live
late night programming.

On the wall the pictures of the Israeli delegates still hang.
Geoff goes up to them. Tries to take it in. Can’t.


EXT. PARKING LOT - DAWN

The front door opens. Geoff steps outside for the first time
on this long journey. Almost 24 hours later.

The night is clear like yesterday. But the world is
different.

Geoff heads toward the parked cars.


INT. RENTAL CAR - DAWN

Geoff drops into the driver’s seat.

He closes his eyes. Needs to.

CUT TO BLACK
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In Roone's office, Geoff is assigned to oversee a commemoration at the stadium, leaving him confused and overshadowed by Jennings, who discusses an upcoming special. As he walks through the empty control room, remnants of chaos surround him, reflecting his internal struggle with perceived failure. Stepping outside into the dawn, Geoff seeks solace in a rental car, closing his eyes to find a moment of peace after a tumultuous day.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Authentic character reactions
  • Somber tone
Weaknesses
  • Limited plot progression
  • Lack of external conflict

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys the emotional weight of the situation and the aftermath of the tragic events, creating a somber and tense atmosphere that resonates with the audience.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring the aftermath of a tragic event and focusing on the emotional impact on the characters is compelling and well-executed.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene revolves around the aftermath of the tragic events and the emotional journey of the characters, effectively conveying the impact of the situation.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on the news industry, highlighting the personal and professional challenges faced by journalists. The dialogue feels authentic and captures the tension of the situation.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters in the scene are well-developed and their emotional responses to the tragic events are portrayed convincingly, adding depth and authenticity to the scene.

Character Changes: 8

The characters undergo emotional changes in response to the tragic events, deepening their development and adding layers to their personalities.

Internal Goal: 8

Geoff's internal goal is to come to terms with his feelings of inadequacy and failure after a disastrous event. He struggles with self-doubt and seeks validation from Roone.

External Goal: 7

Geoff's external goal is to navigate the upcoming commemoration event at the stadium and take charge of the broadcast. He is faced with the challenge of leading the team despite his doubts.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

While there is emotional conflict and tension in the scene, the primary focus is on the aftermath of the tragic events rather than external conflicts.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Geoff facing internal doubts and external challenges. Roone's reassurance and Jennings' arrival create tension and uncertainty.

High Stakes: 7

The high stakes of the tragic events and their aftermath are effectively conveyed, adding tension and emotional weight to the scene.

Story Forward: 7

While the scene does not significantly move the plot forward, it provides important emotional context and depth to the story, enhancing the overall narrative.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting dynamics between characters and the uncertainty of Geoff's future. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how the situation will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict revolves around the idea of success and failure, as Geoff grapples with his perception of the day's events and Roone's reassurance. It challenges Geoff's beliefs about his own abilities and the nature of success in the news industry.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, effectively conveying the grief and shock experienced by the characters in the aftermath of the tragic events.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue in the scene is impactful and conveys the emotional turmoil of the characters, adding to the overall somber tone of the scene.

Engagement: 8

This scene is engaging because of its emotional depth, character dynamics, and the sense of impending conflict. The audience is drawn into Geoff's internal struggle and the fast-paced newsroom environment.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, balancing moments of tension and reflection. It keeps the audience engaged and maintains a sense of momentum.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting adheres to industry standards, with clear scene headings and character actions. It enhances the readability and flow of the scene.

Structure: 9

The scene follows a clear structure, moving seamlessly between different locations and characters. It maintains a sense of urgency and progression.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the emotional aftermath of the previous events, showcasing Geoff's confusion and the weight of responsibility placed upon him. However, the transition from the intense emotional turmoil of the previous scene to this moment feels abrupt. The audience may benefit from a more gradual shift in tone to allow for a smoother emotional transition.
  • Roone's dialogue is somewhat expository, particularly when he states, 'I know it doesn't feel like it, but you did a hell of a job today.' This line could be more nuanced to reflect Roone's understanding of the gravity of the situation while still trying to motivate Geoff. It feels a bit on-the-nose and could be rephrased to show rather than tell.
  • Geoff's perplexity is well-portrayed, but the scene could delve deeper into his internal conflict. A brief moment of introspection or a visual cue (like a close-up of his face) could enhance the audience's connection to his emotional state, emphasizing his struggle to reconcile the day's events with the expectation of moving forward.
  • The introduction of Jennings feels somewhat rushed. While it serves to show that life goes on, it might be more impactful if Jennings' entrance was framed in a way that highlights the stark contrast between the urgency of the previous scene and the business-as-usual attitude of the news team. This could amplify Geoff's sense of isolation and confusion.
  • The imagery of the control room as a 'ghost town' is powerful, but it could be enhanced with more sensory details. Describing the sounds (or lack thereof) in the room, the lingering smell of coffee, or the dim lighting could create a more immersive atmosphere that reflects the emotional weight of the moment.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of silence or a visual cue that emphasizes the weight of the previous events before transitioning to Roone's office. This could help the audience process the emotional impact before moving on.
  • Revise Roone's dialogue to be more subtle and reflective of his character's complexity. Perhaps he could acknowledge the tragedy in a more understated way, allowing Geoff to feel the weight of the situation without being explicitly told.
  • Incorporate a moment of introspection for Geoff, such as a close-up shot that captures his internal struggle. This could help the audience connect more deeply with his emotional state.
  • When Jennings enters, consider framing his dialogue in a way that highlights the contrast between the gravity of the situation and the routine nature of news reporting. This could be achieved through a visual or auditory cue that emphasizes the dissonance.
  • Enhance the sensory details in the control room to create a more vivid atmosphere. Describing the sounds, smells, and visual elements can help immerse the audience in the scene and reflect the emotional weight of the moment.



Characters in the screenplay, and their arcs:

geoff

Geoff is a dynamic and multifaceted character who evolves throughout the screenplay. Initially portrayed as energetic, somewhat arrogant, and humorous, he exudes confidence and a casual demeanor, often using wit to deflect tension in high-pressure situations. His fast-paced speaking style and sharp wit make him a memorable presence, engaging in light-hearted banter with colleagues. As the narrative progresses, Geoff's character deepens; he becomes skeptical and curious, quick to react to potential threats while demonstrating a pragmatic approach to problem-solving. His leadership qualities emerge as he takes charge during crises, showcasing determination, resourcefulness, and a strong sense of responsibility. He grapples with the weight of managing a live broadcast under pressure, balancing technical aspects with ethical dilemmas. As the story unfolds, Geoff's emotional journey reveals vulnerability, compassion, and a struggle with guilt, particularly in the face of tragic events. His speaking style evolves from assertive and authoritative to sincere and reflective, highlighting his growth from a confident journalist to a compassionate leader who prioritizes journalistic integrity and the emotional well-being of his team.



bader

Marvin Bader is a seasoned producer characterized by his kind yet professional demeanor, marked by a sardonic sense of humor. He maintains a calm and collected presence, effectively balancing the high energy of his colleague Geoff with a grounded approach. Bader's speaking style is measured and authoritative, often infused with dry wit that adds depth to his character. Throughout the unfolding crisis, he exhibits a pragmatic and cautious nature, demonstrating concern for the technical aspects of the broadcast and the potential consequences of mistakes in sports coverage. His interactions reveal a respectful curiosity towards others, particularly Marianne, and he carries a sense of responsibility in his role. As the situation escalates, Bader transitions from initial shock to alertness, taking charge and coordinating the team's response with strategic thinking and decisiveness. He is practical and resourceful, adept at handling logistical challenges while maintaining a focus on ethical considerations in their coverage. His authoritative demeanor shines through as he directs the team's actions, emphasizing the importance of journalistic responsibility and the impact of their reporting. Bader's emotional journey reflects a range of feelings from frustration and desperation for information to resignation and despair as he grapples with the harsh realities of the crisis, ultimately embodying the shock and distress of the moment.



roone

Roone is a bold, decisive, and authoritative leader who commands respect and exudes confidence in high-pressure situations. He is characterized by his strategic thinking and a strong focus on storytelling, often prioritizing drama and emotional impact in sports coverage. Roone's interactions with his team, particularly Bader and Geoff, reveal his no-nonsense approach and willingness to push boundaries, even in the face of crisis. He is determined and resourceful, making quick decisions to ensure accurate and impactful reporting. His speaking style is direct and commanding, emphasizing the importance of maintaining control and making tough decisions. Roone is also portrayed as a principled leader who values journalistic integrity, providing guidance and wisdom to his team while navigating the complexities of crisis management. Despite his assertiveness, he shows a supportive side, offering comfort and solidarity to his team during tragic moments, which adds depth to his character.



marianne

Marianne Gebhardt is a young translator and policewoman characterized by her modern outlook on history and reconciliation. She embodies hope for a better future while grappling with her personal history, which influences her perspective on the unfolding events. Marianne is calm, composed, and resourceful, demonstrating a strong sense of duty and dedication to her work. Her speaking style is direct, introspective, and measured, often reflecting her analytical nature. She is empathetic and diplomatic, skilled at navigating cultural differences and diffusing tense situations. Throughout the crisis, she remains focused and detail-oriented, providing crucial information and updates to her team. Marianne's quick-thinking and proactive approach allow her to adapt to unexpected circumstances, showcasing her investigative skills and commitment to uncovering the truth. However, as the situation escalates, she becomes increasingly emotionally affected, revealing her vulnerability and introspection. By the end of the feature, Marianne's journey reflects a deep sense of responsibility and a poignant realization of the impact of her work on innocent lives.



jacques

Jacques is a highly observant and cautious technical expert on the news crew, known for his practical insights and attention to detail. He possesses a calm demeanor that makes him a valuable asset in high-pressure situations, particularly in the control room where he monitors feeds and coordinates communication channels. Initially skeptical and hesitant, Jacques approaches unfolding events with a critical eye, often questioning the team's decisions and providing a sense of realism amidst uncertainty. His speaking style is analytical and focused on technical details, often laced with a dry sense of humor. As a member of the team with a personal connection to the Arab world, he challenges stereotypes and biases, bringing a diplomatic and thoughtful perspective to discussions. Throughout the crisis, Jacques evolves from a cautious observer to a supportive and reliable team member, contributing positively to the group's morale and efforts.



carter

Carter is a reliable and skilled technician who embodies the qualities of a supportive and practical team player. He excels under pressure, showcasing his problem-solving abilities and quick thinking in critical situations. His calm and rational speaking style provides a grounding presence amidst the urgency of unfolding events. Carter is observant and proactive, often assisting his teammates, such as Hank, in troubleshooting technical issues and pointing out potential obstacles. He engages in playful challenges with colleagues like Geoff and Jacques, highlighting his dedication to teamwork. As a cameraman, he demonstrates bravery and resourcefulness, willing to go to great lengths to capture important footage. His enthusiasm and determination drive him to seek out the next opportunity to tell the story, making him an integral part of the team’s efforts to navigate crises.



jennings

Jennings is a seasoned reporter with a calm demeanor under pressure, characterized by his observant nature and quick response to unfolding events. He possesses a deep understanding of the Middle East conflict, which informs his reporting and adds a sense of urgency and professionalism to his coverage. Jennings is dedicated to delivering accurate news, emphasizing ethical considerations in journalism. His speaking style is direct, informative, and insightful, focusing on conveying crucial details, providing context, and offering analysis. As the crisis unfolds, he balances excitement and curiosity with skepticism and concern, reflecting the gravity of the situation while adding depth to the broadcast. Jennings serves as a voice from the outside, helping to build tension and suspense through his updates and commentary.



hank

Hank is a sound engineer characterized by his blunt and sometimes insensitive speaking style, which often leads to controversial remarks. Despite this, he shares a sense of camaraderie with his colleagues, using unique phrases that add realism to the scenes. He is skeptical and observant, providing dry commentary on the actions and decisions of others, often underestimating their capabilities. Hank is focused and determined, facing technical challenges with urgency and resourcefulness. His direct approach reflects a no-nonsense attitude, and he is quick to act when problems arise. As a technical expert, he is dedicated to monitoring communications and equipment, reacting swiftly to new information and showcasing his commitment to resolving crises. His apologetic nature and eagerness to contribute highlight his problem-solving skills and dedication to the team's efforts.



mckay

Jim McKay is a seasoned broadcaster with a calm and professional demeanor, exuding confidence and authority in his role as the anchor of the broadcast. He speaks with clarity, delivering crucial information to the audience while maintaining a sense of control even in the face of uncertainty and danger. His voice carries a weight of experience, providing updates and commentary that guide the audience through the unfolding events. As the situation escalates, McKay's reports reflect a growing sense of urgency and chaos, contributing to the atmosphere of confusion and fear. His ability to remain composed under pressure adds a layer of credibility to his character, making him a reliable source of information amidst turmoil.



CharacterArcCritiqueSuggestions
geoff Geoff's character arc follows a trajectory from a confident and somewhat arrogant journalist to a compassionate and responsible leader. At the beginning of the screenplay, he is characterized by his humor and casual demeanor, often deflecting tension with wit. As the crisis unfolds, he is thrust into a leadership role, where he must confront the realities of high-stakes journalism. His initial arrogance is challenged as he faces ethical dilemmas and the emotional weight of reporting on tragic events. Throughout the narrative, Geoff learns to balance his assertiveness with empathy, ultimately becoming a more grounded and reflective individual. By the end of the screenplay, he emerges as a principled leader who prioritizes the truth and the well-being of his team, showcasing resilience and emotional depth. While Geoff's character arc is compelling, it could benefit from a clearer emotional throughline that connects his initial arrogance to his eventual compassion. The transition from a light-hearted, somewhat self-centered journalist to a responsible leader feels somewhat abrupt in places. Additionally, the emotional stakes could be heightened by exploring more of Geoff's internal conflicts and vulnerabilities earlier in the narrative, allowing the audience to connect with his journey on a deeper level. The screenplay could also delve into his relationships with other characters, particularly how they influence his growth and decision-making. To improve Geoff's character arc, consider incorporating more scenes that highlight his internal struggles and the consequences of his initial arrogance. This could involve flashbacks or moments of reflection that reveal his motivations and fears. Additionally, developing his relationships with key characters, such as a mentor or a colleague who challenges his views, could provide a richer context for his growth. Introducing a pivotal moment where Geoff must confront the impact of his decisions on others would enhance the emotional stakes and make his transformation more impactful. Finally, ensuring that his journey is mirrored in the reactions and growth of his team members could create a more cohesive narrative that emphasizes the themes of responsibility and integrity in journalism.
bader Bader's character arc begins with a calm and collected demeanor, showcasing his professionalism and attention to detail. As the crisis unfolds, he is initially startled but quickly shifts into a mode of alertness, taking charge and coordinating the team's response. His journey through the screenplay sees him grappling with the ethical implications of their coverage, transitioning from a pragmatic producer to a more emotionally invested character who experiences frustration, helplessness, and despair. By the end of the feature, Bader emerges as a more reflective individual, having navigated the complexities of crisis management and the moral responsibilities of journalism, ultimately finding a balance between professionalism and emotional engagement. While Bader's character arc is compelling, it could benefit from deeper exploration of his internal conflicts and motivations. His transition from a pragmatic producer to an emotionally invested character is evident, but the screenplay could further develop the nuances of his relationships with other characters, particularly in moments of tension. Additionally, the emotional range he exhibits could be more effectively tied to specific events or decisions he makes, allowing the audience to witness the evolution of his character in a more impactful way. To improve Bader's character arc, consider incorporating flashbacks or moments of introspection that reveal his past experiences and how they shape his current decisions. This could provide context for his cautious nature and ethical concerns. Additionally, enhancing his interactions with key characters, such as Geoff and Marianne, during critical moments could create more emotional stakes and highlight the impact of the crisis on his relationships. Finally, allowing Bader to make a pivotal decision that reflects his growth—balancing professionalism with empathy—could serve as a powerful climax for his character development.
roone Throughout the screenplay, Roone evolves from a bold and somewhat detached executive focused solely on the impact of storytelling to a more empathetic and responsible leader who understands the weight of his decisions on both the audience and his team. Initially, he prioritizes drama and controversy, often making decisions without fully considering their emotional ramifications. As the story unfolds, particularly in the face of a tragic event, Roone learns to balance his assertiveness with compassion, recognizing the importance of ethical decision-making and the responsibility of the media in crisis situations. By the end of the feature, he emerges as a more rounded character who values both the power of storytelling and the human element behind the news. While Roone's character arc demonstrates significant growth, it may benefit from a clearer internal conflict that drives his transformation. The initial portrayal of Roone as detached and solely focused on storytelling could be more pronounced, allowing the audience to witness his struggle between ambition and empathy. Additionally, the transition from a bold leader to a more compassionate figure could be more gradual, with specific moments that challenge his initial beliefs and force him to confront the consequences of his decisions. This would create a more compelling narrative and deepen the audience's connection to his character. To enhance Roone's character arc, consider introducing a pivotal moment early in the screenplay that highlights his detachment and ambition, such as a controversial decision that leads to negative consequences for a team member or the audience. This moment could serve as a catalyst for his internal conflict. Throughout the feature, include scenes that challenge his views on storytelling, perhaps through interactions with team members who emphasize the human side of the news. Finally, ensure that his transformation culminates in a decisive moment where he must choose between a sensational story and ethical reporting, solidifying his growth into a more empathetic leader.
marianne Marianne's character arc begins with her as a hopeful and resourceful translator, eager to assist her team and navigate the complexities of the crisis. As the story progresses, she faces escalating challenges that test her composure and resolve. Her initial calm demeanor is challenged by the urgency of the situation, leading her to take on more responsibility and act decisively. However, as the crisis unfolds, she becomes increasingly emotionally affected, grappling with feelings of helplessness and failure. This culminates in a poignant moment of introspection where she confronts the ethical dilemmas of her role and the impact of her actions on the lives of others. By the end of the feature, Marianne emerges as a more complex character, having transformed from a hopeful translator to a deeply introspective individual who understands the weight of her responsibilities and the importance of empathy in her work. While Marianne's character arc is compelling, it could benefit from more distinct moments of growth and change throughout the screenplay. Her transition from a calm and resourceful translator to a deeply introspective individual is well-defined, but the emotional stakes could be heightened by incorporating more personal conflicts or relationships that challenge her perspective. Additionally, her vulnerability is introduced later in the story, which may lessen the impact of her emotional journey. The screenplay could explore her backstory earlier on, allowing the audience to connect with her struggles and motivations more deeply. To improve Marianne's character arc, consider introducing flashbacks or dialogue that reveals her personal history and the experiences that shape her worldview earlier in the screenplay. This would create a stronger emotional foundation for her character and enhance the audience's investment in her journey. Additionally, incorporating a mentor or a close colleague who challenges her views or provides support could create opportunities for meaningful interactions that drive her growth. Finally, ensure that her emotional turmoil is woven throughout the narrative, allowing for a gradual build-up to her poignant realization, making her transformation feel more organic and impactful.
jacques Jacques begins as a skeptical and cautious observer, hesitant to engage fully in the team's efforts due to his wariness of the situation. As the crisis escalates, he gradually becomes more involved, using his technical expertise to support the team while maintaining a critical perspective. His character arc culminates in a moment of personal growth where he overcomes his initial hesitations, embracing a more active role in the team's efforts. By the end of the feature, Jacques transforms into a supportive and reliable member who not only contributes technically but also boosts morale, celebrating victories and fostering a sense of unity within the team. While Jacques' character arc demonstrates a clear progression from skepticism to support, it may lack emotional depth and personal stakes that could enhance audience engagement. His transformation feels somewhat linear and could benefit from more internal conflict or a personal challenge that he must overcome. Additionally, the character's connection to the Arab world is mentioned but not deeply explored, which could provide a richer context for his skepticism and insights. To improve Jacques' character arc, consider introducing a personal backstory that ties into the crisis, such as a past experience that influences his skepticism or a relationship that is tested during the events. This could create more emotional stakes and allow for a deeper exploration of his character. Additionally, incorporating moments of vulnerability or doubt could add complexity to his transformation, making his eventual support for the team feel more earned and impactful. Finally, ensure that his connection to the Arab world is woven into the narrative, allowing him to challenge stereotypes in a way that resonates with both the team and the audience.
carter Carter begins as a supportive and practical team member, showcasing his problem-solving skills and calm demeanor in high-pressure situations. As the story progresses, he faces increasingly challenging obstacles that test his reliability and resourcefulness. Initially focused on assisting others, he gradually evolves into a more proactive leader, taking charge of strategic planning and contributing valuable insights. By the climax, Carter's bravery is put to the test as he risks his safety to capture crucial footage, ultimately solidifying his role as a key player in the team's success. His journey reflects a transformation from a supportive technician to a courageous and resourceful leader, culminating in a newfound confidence in his abilities. While Carter's character arc is well-defined, it may benefit from deeper emotional exploration. His transition from a supportive role to a leadership position feels somewhat abrupt and could use more development. The screenplay could further emphasize his internal struggles and motivations, particularly regarding his bravery and resourcefulness. Additionally, the playful interactions with his colleagues could be expanded to showcase his personality more vividly, allowing the audience to connect with him on a deeper level. To improve Carter's character arc, consider incorporating flashbacks or moments of introspection that reveal his past experiences and motivations for becoming a technician and cameraman. This could add depth to his character and explain his initial hesitance to take charge. Additionally, include more scenes that highlight his relationships with teammates, allowing for character development through dialogue and shared experiences. This would create a more gradual transition into his leadership role, making his eventual bravery and resourcefulness feel earned and relatable. Finally, consider adding a pivotal moment where Carter must confront his fears or doubts, reinforcing his growth and solidifying his transformation into a confident leader.
jennings Throughout the screenplay, Jennings evolves from a reporter focused solely on delivering the news to a more nuanced character who grapples with the ethical implications of his work. Initially, he is driven by the urgency of the situation, eager to report and provide insights. However, as the crisis escalates, he begins to confront the moral dilemmas of journalism in a conflict zone, questioning the impact of his reporting on the people involved. By the end of the feature, Jennings emerges as a more reflective and responsible journalist, advocating for ethical reporting and understanding the human stories behind the headlines. While Jennings is a well-rounded character with a strong foundation, his arc could benefit from more personal stakes and emotional depth. The transition from a purely professional focus to a more ethical consideration feels somewhat abrupt and could be better developed. Additionally, the character's internal conflicts and motivations could be explored further to create a more compelling narrative. To improve Jennings' character arc, consider introducing a personal connection to the crisis, such as a family member or friend affected by the conflict. This would provide a stronger emotional anchor for his transformation. Additionally, incorporating moments of doubt or conflict with other characters regarding journalistic ethics could enhance the complexity of his character. Finally, showing the consequences of his reporting on individuals involved in the crisis could deepen his understanding and commitment to ethical journalism.
hank Throughout the screenplay, Hank undergoes a significant transformation. Initially, he is portrayed as a skeptical and blunt technician who often alienates his colleagues with his directness and underestimation of their abilities. As the story progresses, he faces a series of escalating technical challenges that force him to confront his own limitations and biases. Through collaboration with his team, he learns to appreciate their strengths and begins to communicate more effectively, fostering a sense of unity. By the climax, Hank evolves from a solitary figure into a supportive team player, ultimately leading to a successful resolution of the crisis. His journey culminates in a moment of vulnerability where he acknowledges his past insensitivity and embraces a more empathetic approach, solidifying his growth as both a technician and a colleague. Hank's character arc is compelling, but it could benefit from deeper emotional exploration. While his transformation from skepticism to camaraderie is clear, the screenplay may not fully delve into the reasons behind his bluntness or the impact of his remarks on his relationships. This lack of depth can make his evolution feel somewhat superficial. Additionally, the arc could be strengthened by incorporating more specific moments of conflict or failure that challenge his beliefs and force him to confront his flaws. To improve Hank's character arc, consider adding backstory elements that explain his blunt nature, such as past experiences that shaped his communication style. Introduce key moments where his insensitivity leads to tangible consequences, prompting him to reflect on his behavior. Incorporating a mentor or a pivotal character who challenges Hank's views could also facilitate his growth. Finally, ensure that his transformation is gradual and believable, with clear milestones that showcase his development, leading to a more satisfying and relatable conclusion.
mckay Throughout the screenplay, Jim McKay evolves from a composed and authoritative broadcaster to a more emotionally invested individual as the events unfold. Initially, he is focused solely on delivering information and maintaining professionalism. However, as the situation escalates and the stakes become personal, McKay begins to grapple with the emotional weight of the events he is reporting on. By the climax, he confronts his own vulnerabilities and the impact of the chaos on those involved, leading to a more empathetic and humanized portrayal of a journalist. In the resolution, McKay emerges as a more rounded character, having learned the importance of balancing professionalism with emotional connection. While Jim McKay's character is well-defined as a professional broadcaster, his emotional journey could be more pronounced. The initial portrayal of him as calm and authoritative risks making him feel one-dimensional, especially in a feature-length screenplay where character development is crucial. The transition from a detached reporter to someone who feels the weight of the events could be more gradual and nuanced, allowing the audience to connect with his internal struggles. To improve McKay's character arc, consider incorporating moments that reveal his personal stakes in the unfolding events, such as connections to individuals affected by the chaos. Flashbacks or internal monologues could provide insight into his past experiences that shape his current demeanor. Additionally, introducing a subplot that challenges his professional ethics or forces him to confront his biases could add depth to his character. By allowing McKay to experience moments of doubt or vulnerability, the audience can better relate to his journey and witness a more compelling transformation.
Top Correlations and patterns found in the scenes:

Pattern Explanation
High 'Overall Grade' correlates with strong 'Concept', 'Plot', 'Characters', and 'Dialogue'Scenes with higher overall grades (8 and above) tend to have consistently high scores across concept, plot, characters, and dialogue. This suggests a strong foundation in storytelling elements contributes significantly to a scene's success. Conversely, lower overall grades often show weakness in one or more of these areas. Consider reviewing scenes with lower overall grades to pinpoint areas for potential improvement. For example, while scene 3 scores highly in concept and characters, it is significantly lower in emotional impact and conflict. Strengthening those aspects could boost the scene's impact.
'Emotional Impact' and 'Conflict' are not always correlated with 'Overall Grade'While one might expect a strong correlation between high emotional impact and conflict and a high overall grade, the data show some inconsistencies. For example, scenes with high tension and suspense (common in many scenes) achieve high overall scores but can show moderate scores in emotional impact and conflict. This suggests that while high tension might be engaging, the emotional core and resolution of the conflict might need to be more effectively conveyed. Scenes such as 3, 8, and 9, demonstrate this - focusing on tightening the emotional impact and conflict in such scenes will improve them significantly.
'Move Story Forward' is consistently high regardless of other scoresMost scenes (with the notable exception of scene 59) effectively 'Move Story Forward', suggesting good pacing and scene progression throughout the screenplay. However, this does not always translate into a higher overall score, implying that while the story advances, emotional resonance or other elements may be lacking in some scenes. Review lower scored scenes to see if this is the case and whether the forward movement is substantial or just incremental.
Late-Act Scenes Dominate in 'High Stakes', 'Conflict', and 'Emotional Impact'The final act (scenes 50-60) shows a significant surge in scores for 'High Stakes', 'Conflict', and 'Emotional Impact', indicating a well-structured climax. The preceding scenes build tension, but the resolution is stronger in terms of these elements in later acts. Whilst good, this may indicate a slow burn to the climax that could be tightened up to ensure the pacing is consistently engaging for the audience.
Dialogue scores are surprisingly consistentThe dialogue scores remain relatively consistent across the screenplay. It would be good to consider whether scenes with strong emotional impact (e.g., scenes 57 and 58) could benefit from even stronger dialogue to heighten those moments. Scenes where dialogue scores are lower (e.g., scenes 59 and 60) could benefit from a re-evaluation of their dialogue effectiveness to heighten their impact.
Tone Shifts Indicate a Well-Defined Narrative ArcThe screenplay uses a variety of tones, starting with a mix of excitement, intensity, and humor in earlier scenes that gradually shift towards suspense, tension, and urgency in the latter half. This gradual shift in tone effectively reflects the narrative arc, building towards the climax and resolution. However, the very abrupt shift to somber and reflective tones in scene 59 could be jarring to the audience. Consider smoothing the transition between intense action and reflective moments for better emotional flow.
Character changes are relatively infrequent and improve around the climaxCharacter changes are not a primary driver of scene scores, suggesting the screenplay may focus on external conflict and plot progression rather than significant character arcs within individual scenes. The slight increase in character change scores around the climax suggests a more profound character development occurs during the final resolution.


Writer's Craft Overall Analysis

The screenplay demonstrates a strong grasp of creating tension, urgency, and suspense, particularly in high-pressure environments like newsrooms and live broadcasts. The writer excels at crafting sharp dialogue and fast-paced action sequences, effectively conveying the emotional stakes and moral dilemmas faced by the characters. However, there's room for improvement in deepening character development, exploring nuanced relationships, and refining the overall narrative structure.

Key Improvement Areas

Character Development
Many scene analyses praise the dialogue and pacing but suggest further development in character depth and complexity. While character motivations are often clear, the internal conflicts and emotional journeys of the characters could be more fully explored.
Dialogue and Subtext
While the dialogue is frequently praised for its sharpness and effectiveness in conveying urgency, focusing on subtext and unspoken communication could add layers of complexity and emotional resonance to character interactions.
Narrative Structure and Pacing
Several suggestions recommend studying screenplays for improved pacing and scene structure. While the writer handles fast-paced scenes well, mastering techniques for building suspense gradually and structuring scenes for maximum impact would elevate the overall narrative.

Suggestions

Type Suggestion Rationale
Book 'Screenplay: The Foundations of Screenwriting' by Syd Field This book provides foundational knowledge of screenplay structure, scene construction, and character development, addressing several key improvement areas identified in the scene analyses.
Book 'Save the Cat!' by Blake Snyder This book offers practical advice on creating compelling characters and structuring a screenplay for maximum impact, addressing the need for stronger character development and narrative structure.
Screenplay 'Broadcast News' screenplay by James L. Brooks Repeatedly recommended, this screenplay provides a masterclass in balancing technical details, character dynamics, and dramatic tension in a high-pressure newsroom setting, directly relevant to the writer's style.
Screenplay 'Spotlight' screenplay by Tom McCarthy and Josh Singer This screenplay offers insights into investigative journalism and ethical dilemmas, which are prominent themes in several of the analyzed scenes.
Video Behind-the-scenes footage of live broadcasts and newsrooms Observing real-world dynamics in these settings will enhance the writer's ability to create authentic and immersive scenes.
Exercise Write a scene with two characters with drastically opposing viewpoints, focusing solely on subtext and unspoken communication. Avoid direct exposition. Practice In SceneProv This exercise directly addresses the need for deeper character development and more effective use of subtext.
Exercise Adapt a scene from a well-regarded screenplay (e.g., from 'Broadcast News' or 'Spotlight') but rewrite it with a focus on exploring the emotional inner lives of the characters. Practice In SceneProv This allows for direct comparison between established techniques and the writer's current approach, highlighting areas for improvement in character depth.
Exercise Write a scene with a ticking clock, forcing the characters to make high-stakes decisions under intense time pressure. Pay close attention to pacing and the gradual escalation of tension.Practice In SceneProv This exercise directly focuses on pacing, structure, and creating effective suspense in high-stakes situations, a strength and area for potential growth in the writer's style.
Stories Similar to this one

Story Explanation
The Killing Fields This film depicts the harrowing experiences of journalists covering the Cambodian genocide during the Khmer Rouge regime. Similar to the screenplay, it explores the tension between reporting on a major event and the moral implications of that coverage, particularly in the face of violence and tragedy.
All the President's Men This film follows journalists Bob Woodward and Carl Bernstein as they uncover the Watergate scandal. The structure of investigative journalism under pressure mirrors the control room dynamics in the screenplay, where the crew must navigate breaking news and ethical dilemmas in real-time.
Spotlight Spotlight chronicles the Boston Globe's investigation into child abuse within the Catholic Church. The film shares themes of journalistic integrity, the emotional toll of uncovering dark truths, and the impact of media coverage on society, paralleling the emotional weight felt by the characters in the screenplay.
The Report This film focuses on the investigation into the CIA's use of torture post-9/11. It shares a similar tone of urgency and moral complexity, as characters grapple with the implications of their findings and the responsibility of reporting on sensitive issues, akin to the challenges faced by the ABC Sports crew.
The Day the Clown Cried Though controversial, this film features a clown in a concentration camp during World War II, highlighting the juxtaposition of entertainment and tragedy. The screenplay's exploration of the Olympics amidst a terrorist attack reflects a similar tension between celebration and horror.
The Newsroom This television series centers on a fictional news team navigating the complexities of reporting in a fast-paced environment. The show's focus on ethical journalism and the personal lives of reporters resonates with the dynamics in the control room during the Olympic crisis.
The Munich Massacre This documentary recounts the events of the 1972 Munich Olympics, focusing on the terrorist attack on the Israeli team. It provides a direct historical context to the screenplay, exploring the real-life implications of media coverage during a crisis.
The Siege This film deals with a terrorist attack in New York City and the ensuing chaos. It shares themes of fear, media coverage, and the moral dilemmas faced by those in power, paralleling the urgent decisions made by the ABC Sports crew during the hostage situation.
The Bourne Ultimatum This action thriller involves a journalist uncovering a conspiracy while navigating a dangerous environment. The tension between personal safety and the pursuit of truth mirrors the experiences of the characters in the screenplay as they confront the unfolding crisis.

Here are different Tropes found in the screenplay

Trope Trope Details Trope Explanation
The Heroic JournalistGeoff Mason takes charge during the crisis, coordinating the broadcast and ensuring the crew is informed and prepared.This trope involves a journalist who rises to the occasion during a crisis, often putting their own safety at risk to report the truth. An example is the character of Edward R. Murrow in 'Good Night, and Good Luck,' who bravely confronts McCarthyism through his reporting.
Breaking NewsThe control room is filled with tension as the crew receives updates about the hostage situation, leading to live broadcasts.This trope highlights the urgency and chaos of live news reporting, often showing the behind-the-scenes efforts to deliver breaking news. A classic example is the film 'The Newsroom,' which portrays the challenges faced by a news team during a breaking story.
The Scrappy UnderdogGeoff and his team work with limited resources and face numerous challenges while trying to cover the unfolding crisis.This trope features characters who are at a disadvantage but strive to succeed against the odds. An example is the film 'The Pursuit of Happyness,' where the protagonist faces numerous obstacles but perseveres.
Tension and ReleaseThe atmosphere in the control room fluctuates between high tension during the crisis and moments of relief when updates are received.This trope involves building tension through conflict and then providing moments of relief, often used in thrillers. An example is 'A Quiet Place,' where moments of silence are punctuated by sudden scares.
The Emotional ClimaxGeoff receives devastating news about the fate of the Israeli Olympic team, leading to an emotional outburst.This trope refers to a pivotal moment in a story where characters confront their deepest emotions, often leading to a cathartic release. An example is in 'Schindler's List,' where the weight of loss culminates in a powerful emotional scene.
The Power of the MediaThe crew grapples with the implications of broadcasting the hostage situation live, questioning their responsibilities.This trope explores the influence of media on public perception and events, often highlighting ethical dilemmas. An example is 'Network,' which critiques the sensationalism of news media.
The Call to ActionGeoff rallies his team to prepare for the live broadcast, emphasizing the importance of their role.This trope involves a character motivating others to take action, often in a time of crisis. An example is in 'Remember the Titans,' where the coach inspires his team to overcome adversity.
The Unlikely AllyMarianne, a translator, becomes an essential part of the team, providing critical information during the crisis.This trope features characters who form unexpected alliances to achieve a common goal. An example is 'The Avengers,' where heroes from different backgrounds unite to fight a common enemy.
The CountdownTension builds as the crew races against time to prepare for the live broadcast amidst the unfolding crisis.This trope involves a looming deadline that creates urgency and suspense. An example is 'Speed,' where the characters must act quickly to prevent disaster.
The AftermathThe story concludes with the characters reflecting on the events and their emotional toll.This trope deals with the consequences of the main events and how they affect the characters moving forward. An example is 'The Hurt Locker,' which explores the psychological impact of war on soldiers.


Theme Theme Details Themee Explanation
The ethical dilemmas of live broadcasting during a crisis.The constant tension between the desire to inform the public and the need to avoid exploiting the tragedy, the debate on what to broadcast, and when.This theme explores the moral complexities faced by the broadcasters as they grapple with decisions about what to show and how to report on a live unfolding tragedy involving hostages.
Strengthening The ethical dilemmas of live broadcasting during a crisis.:
Suggestion Type How to Strengthen the Theme
Dialogue - Scene 5, 28, 43 Expand the dialogues between Bader, Roone, and Geoff to explicitly debate the ethical implications of live broadcasting during the crisis. In Scene 5, add a more pointed discussion about the potential emotional distress caused by showing the Holocaust footage juxtaposed with Olympic celebrations. In Scene 28, have them explicitly discuss the potential for the broadcast to give the terrorists (Black September) exactly what they want—global attention and a platform for their message. In Scene 43, include a conversation reflecting on their actions and the potential consequences of their choices, acknowledging both the positive and negative impacts of their coverage on the situation. This should showcase a range of ethical perspectives and the complexities of their decisions.
Character Arc Develop Geoff's character arc to reflect his evolving understanding of the ethical dilemmas. Start with his initial arrogance and ambition, gradually showcasing his growing awareness of the human cost of his actions throughout the crisis. His final scene should leave him grappling with the weight of his experiences and the ethical ambiguities of his role in the broadcast.
Story Arc Introduce a subplot focusing on the reactions of the families of the Israeli athletes and/or other victims. This could involve brief scenes of them watching the broadcast, highlighting their emotional distress and the ethical implications of broadcasting their suffering. This would add another layer of ethical complexity to the narrative and underscore the human impact of the events.
Visual - Scene 29, 37, 45 Use visual storytelling to emphasize the ethical dilemmas. For example, in scenes 29, 37, and 45, show split-screens or juxtapositions contrasting the live broadcast of the crisis with the reactions of people watching (families, other athletes, etc.). This will directly illustrate the impact of the live broadcast on different individuals and groups, raising ethical questions about the audience's role and the media's responsibility.
Action - Scene 42, 53 In scene 42, heighten the tension and ethical dilemma of the police's interruption. Show a clearer conflict between Geoff’s desire to protect his crew and his understanding that their broadcast may have inadvertently influenced the police action. In scene 53, have Geoff experience a lingering sense of guilt and uncertainty even after the positive outcome of the hostages' release. He should still grapple with the ethical questions surrounding their actions, even amidst the relief and celebration. This lingering doubt strengthens the film's exploration of the ethical dilemmas of live broadcasting during a crisis.
The contrast between the carefree atmosphere of the Olympics and the horrific reality of the terrorist attack.The juxtaposition of celebratory sports events with the grim events of the Munich massacre creates a stark contrast, underscoring the fragility of peace and the unexpected intrusion of violence.This stark contrast amplifies the emotional impact of the narrative, showcasing the surreal and jarring experience of those present.
The cultural clash between German and American perspectives on the event.The differences in communication styles, cultural sensitivities, and perceptions of the crisis between German and American characters influence their interactions and responses.This highlights the varying cultural interpretations of the crisis, affecting communication and decision-making during the event.
The personal toll of witnessing trauma and the human cost of conflict.The characters' emotional responses to the unfolding events – their shock, grief, fear, and exhaustion – underscore the human cost of the massacre.This offers a more personal and intimate perspective, moving beyond the journalistic aspects to reveal the deeply emotional impact of the tragedy on individuals.
The power of live television to shape public perception and influence events.The screenplay highlights how ABC's broadcast of the event played a crucial role in shaping public understanding and impacting the immediate course of events at the Olympic Village.This illustrates how live television can function as a powerful tool for both informing and influencing events in real-time.



Screenwriting Resources on Themes

Articles

Site Description
Studio Binder Movie Themes: Examples of Common Themes for Screenwriters
Coverfly Improving your Screenplay's theme
John August Writing from Theme

YouTube Videos

Title Description
Story, Plot, Genre, Theme - Screenwriting Basics Screenwriting basics - beginner video
What is theme Discussion on ways to layer theme into a screenplay.
Thematic Mistakes You're Making in Your Script Common Theme mistakes and Philosophical Conflicts
Voice Analysis
Summary: The writer's voice is characterized by a compelling blend of realism and high stakes drama, particularly within the context of live television broadcasting during a crisis. It's marked by sharp, authentic dialogue that reveals character dynamics and internal conflicts, detailed scene descriptions that immerse the reader in the technical aspects and tense atmosphere of a newsroom, and a focus on the ethical dilemmas faced by journalists in high-pressure situations. The voice is both witty and serious, capable of capturing both the camaraderie and the intense pressure of the environment.
Voice Contribution The writer's voice contributes to the script by creating a palpable sense of tension and urgency throughout. The realistic portrayal of the newsroom environment and the technical details enhance the authenticity and realism of the story. The sharp dialogue and focus on character dynamics add depth and complexity to the characters' relationships, making them relatable and compelling. The exploration of ethical dilemmas and the human cost of the crisis elevate the themes beyond a simple procedural drama, adding layers of emotional weight and moral ambiguity.
Best Representation Scene 3 - On Air Antics
Best Scene Explanation Scene 3 best encapsulates the writer's unique voice because it masterfully blends several key elements: the sharp, witty dialogue that captures the characters' personalities and the high-stakes environment; the detailed scene description that establishes the setting and atmosphere; and the implied tension and pressure that informs the characters' interactions. It perfectly showcases the writer's ability to create a realistic and engaging portrayal of a high-pressure situation without sacrificing the nuances of character or the underlying dramatic tension.
Originality
  • Overall originality score: 8.5
  • Overall originality explanation: The screenplay presents a fresh and nuanced perspective on the world of sports broadcasting during a historical crisis, particularly the 1972 Munich Olympics. It explores the ethical dilemmas faced by journalists and producers in real-time, blending personal and political narratives with authentic character interactions. The originality is further enhanced by the unique settings, such as the control room and the behind-the-scenes dynamics of live broadcasting, which are rarely depicted with such depth in sports-related narratives.
  • Most unique situations: The most unique situations in the screenplay are the ethical considerations of broadcasting a hostage crisis live, the juxtaposition of Olympic festivities with the unfolding tragedy, and the personal connections formed among the crew members as they navigate the chaos. Additionally, the blending of historical events with the personal struggles of the characters adds layers of complexity that are not commonly explored in traditional sports dramas.
  • Overall unpredictability score: 7.5
  • Overall unpredictability explanation: The screenplay maintains a level of unpredictability through its portrayal of real-time events and the characters' responses to rapidly changing situations. The tension between the urgency of live broadcasting and the ethical implications of their coverage creates a suspenseful atmosphere. While some outcomes may be anticipated due to the historical context, the emotional depth and character-driven moments keep the audience engaged and uncertain about how the characters will navigate the unfolding crisis.
Goals and Philosophical Conflict
internal GoalsThroughout the script, the protagonist Geoff Mason's internal goals evolve from seeking recognition and success as a junior producer to grappling with the weight of responsibility and emotional turmoil amid a developing crisis. Initially focused on professional ambitions, his goals shift towards upholding journalistic integrity and dealing with the traumatic consequences of a hostage situation.
External Goals As the crises escalate, Geoff's external goals transition from simply covering sports events to ensuring accurate and responsible coverage of the rapidly deteriorating situation involving hostages. He strives to manage broadcasts effectively while responding to high-stakes developments.
Philosophical Conflict The overarching philosophical conflict entails the tension between the authenticity of journalistic responsibility and the spectacle of broadcast entertainment. This is manifested in the contrasting priorities of delivering compelling narratives versus the ethical implications of covering traumatic events.


Character Development Contribution: Geoff's character development is marked by his journey from ambition-driven producer to a responsible journalist who confronts the ethical implications of his work. His internal and external struggles lead to profound growth, as he learns the importance of prioritizing truth over personal recognition.

Narrative Structure Contribution: These goals and conflicts propel the narrative forward, establishing stakes that drive character interactions and decisions, ultimately building tension as the protagonist navigates a crisis that impacts both him and his team.

Thematic Depth Contribution: The exploration of goals and conflict adds thematic depth, engaging with issues of media responsibility, the ethics of journalism in times of crisis, and the human cost of sensational news, leading to a reflective commentary on the role of media in society.


Screenwriting Resources on Goals and Philosophical Conflict

Articles

Site Description
Creative Screenwriting How Important Is A Character’s Goal?
Studio Binder What is Conflict in a Story? A Quick Reminder of the Purpose of Conflict

YouTube Videos

Title Description
How I Build a Story's Philosophical Conflict How do you build philosophical conflict into your story? Where do you start? And how do you develop it into your characters and their external actions. Today I’m going to break this all down and make it fully clear in this episode.
Endings: The Good, the Bad, and the Insanely Great By Michael Arndt: I put this lecture together in 2006, when I started work at Pixar on Toy Story 3. It looks at how to write an "insanely great" ending, using Star Wars, The Graduate, and Little Miss Sunshine as examples. 90 minutes
Tips for Writing Effective Character Goals By Jessica Brody (Save the Cat!): Writing character goals is one of the most important jobs of any novelist. But are your character's goals...mushy?
World Building
  • Physical environment: The screenplay is primarily set within the confines of the ABC Sports broadcasting facilities during the 1972 Munich Olympics. Locations include a high-tech control room, VTR library, editing rooms, hallways, a hotel room, the Olympic Village itself, and even the streets of Munich. The physical environments range from the sterile, technologically advanced spaces of the television studios to the more chaotic and dangerous external settings of the Olympic Village during the terrorist attack.
  • Culture: The screenplay portrays the culture of 1972, specifically the atmosphere surrounding the Munich Olympics. It highlights the international nature of the Games, showing flags of various nations and the diverse nationalities of the athletes and crew. The cultural clash between the celebratory spirit of the Olympics and the horrific reality of the terrorist attack is central. There is also a subtle exploration of German culture through the interactions of German characters and their perspectives on hosting the Olympics and grappling with their nation's past (the Dachau footage).
  • Society: The societal structures are multifaceted, showing the competitive world of television news and sports broadcasting. We see a hierarchical structure within ABC Sports, with Roone Arledge at the top, followed by Bader, then Geoff. The film also depicts the societal response to the terrorist attack—the urgency and chaos of law enforcement's response, the international political implications, and the global media's coverage of the crisis.
  • Technology: Technology plays a crucial role, showcasing the relatively advanced technology of the early 1970s in broadcasting. This includes videotape machines, television cameras, satellite transmission, teleprinters, walkie-talkies, telephones, and even the simpler technologies like car radios and typewriters. The contrast between this relatively new technology and the brutality of the events underscores the human vulnerability within an advanced technological world.
  • Characters influence: The physical environment of cramped, high-pressure control rooms creates a tense atmosphere that affects the characters' actions and decision-making. The fast-paced nature of live broadcasting necessitates rapid responses and collaboration. The cultural context of the Olympics, intertwined with the tragedy of the attack, shapes the characters' emotions, motivations, and professional choices. The hierarchical societal structure influences the characters' interactions and roles, while the technological limitations and challenges necessitate teamwork and problem-solving.
  • Narrative contribution: The world-building elements are integral to the narrative. The setting of the Olympics provides the backdrop for the crisis. The physical locations, such as the control room, function as dynamic spaces where the tension builds and where crucial decisions are made. The technological elements drive the narrative forward as the characters race to capture, process, and broadcast the news of the unfolding tragedy.
  • Thematic depth contribution: The world-building creates thematic depth by contrasting the celebratory spirit of the Olympics with the stark reality of violence. The tension between the technological advancements and the human cost is explored. The cultural clash and the hierarchical societal structure deepen the exploration of journalistic ethics, international politics, and the human response to tragedy. The juxtaposition of the past (Dachau) with the present (the Olympics) highlights themes of memory, reconciliation, and the ongoing struggle for peace.
Story Engine Analysis

central conflict

The central conflict revolves around the tension between the Olympic spirit and the tragic events of the hostage crisis, highlighting the clash between sports and political violence.

primary motivations

  • Geoff Mason's desire to report the truth and maintain journalistic integrity.
  • Roone Arledge's ambition to ensure ABC Sports remains at the forefront of Olympic coverage.
  • The crew's commitment to delivering accurate information amidst chaos.

catalysts

  • The gunfire heard in the Olympic Village signaling the start of the crisis.
  • The decision by the terrorists to take Israeli athletes hostage.
  • The urgency of the situation prompting the crew to adapt their broadcast strategy.

barriers

  • Technical difficulties in the control room that hinder communication.
  • The police's restrictive actions and the chaotic environment limiting access to information.
  • The emotional toll on the crew as they grapple with the gravity of the situation.

themes

  • The intersection of sports and politics.
  • The impact of media on public perception and crisis management.
  • The fragility of peace and the human cost of violence.

stakes

The lives of the Israeli athletes and the integrity of the Olympic Games are at stake, alongside the reputations of the media involved.

uniqueness factor

The story uniquely combines the high-stakes environment of live sports broadcasting with a real-life terrorist crisis, showcasing the challenges faced by journalists in unprecedented situations.

audience hook

The unfolding tension of a live hostage situation during a globally celebrated event keeps viewers engaged, as they witness the real-time decisions made by the media.

paradoxical engine or bisociation

The juxtaposition of the Olympic ideals of unity and peace against the backdrop of violence and terror creates a paradox that drives the narrative.

paradoxical engine or bisociation 2

The conflict between the desire for sensational coverage and the ethical responsibility to protect lives illustrates the complex relationship between media and morality.


Engine: Gemini

Screenplay Rating:

Recommend

Executive Summary

September 5 is a compelling and well-structured screenplay that masterfully recreates the tension and drama of the 1972 Munich Olympics hostage crisis. While the pacing is excellent and the character development is strong, particularly for Geoff Mason, the narrative occasionally veers into melodrama and needs some tightening. However, the unique perspective and the focus on the television production aspect make this script stand out. With minor revisions to address pacing and thematic consistency, this screenplay has strong commercial potential.

Strengths
  • The screenplay excels at building tension and suspense, particularly in the control room scenes where the immediacy of live television is palpable. The opening scene effectively establishes the central conflict, and the later scenes maintain a constant sense of urgency and high stakes. high ( Scene 1   Scene 4   Scene 26   )
  • The character of Roone Arledge is well-developed, showing a complex blend of ambition, vulnerability, and a deep understanding of the power of storytelling. His decisions drive the narrative, and his interactions with other characters create significant conflict and tension. high ( Scene 5   Scene 6   Scene 19   Scene 20   )
  • The screenplay effectively depicts the collaborative spirit and dedication of the ABC Sports team. The characters work together to overcome technical challenges and maintain composure under extreme pressure, showcasing their professionalism and resilience. medium ( Scene 10   Scene 12   Scene 19   Scene 21   Scene 29   )
  • The screenplay effectively uses the tools of television production to enhance the narrative. The use of multiple cameras, live feeds, and editing techniques create a sense of realism and urgency. This adds layers of complexity to the story. high ( Scene 21   Scene 22   Scene 24   Scene 29   )
  • The ending of the film is emotionally resonant and leaves a lasting impact on the audience. The aftermath of the tragedy is poignantly portrayed, highlighting the emotional toll on the characters and reflecting the lasting impact of the event. high ( Scene 58   Scene 59   )
Areas of Improvement
  • The screenplay occasionally lapses into melodrama, particularly in some of the dialogue and emotional reactions of the characters. Some scenes feel overly sentimental, detracting from the overall tension and realism. medium ( Scene 7   Scene 56   )
  • The pacing in the latter half of the screenplay feels a bit rushed, particularly during the climax and resolution. Some plot points are resolved too quickly, leaving the audience with a sense of incompleteness. medium ( Scene 50   Scene 54   )
  • The thematic consistency could be strengthened. While the screenplay explores themes of journalistic responsibility and the human cost of conflict, these themes aren't consistently emphasized throughout. Some scenes are more focused on the technical aspects of the broadcast than the human drama. medium ( Scene 20   Scene 36   )
  • Some supporting characters, while functional to the plot, feel underdeveloped. Giving more depth to these individuals would strengthen the overall narrative. low ( Scene 8   Scene 18   Scene 22   )
MissingElements
  • A more detailed exploration of the aftermath and long-term consequences of the Munich massacre would add depth and resonance to the screenplay. The immediate aftermath is addressed, but the longer-term effects could be explored further. medium
  • More character backstory, especially for the supporting characters, would enhance their relatability and provide a richer understanding of their motivations. low
NotablePoints
  • The screenplay creatively uses the ABC Sports logo as a symbol of the network's relentless pursuit of the story, even when facing ethical dilemmas. high ( Scene 29   Scene 55   )
  • The use of multiple narrative threads, including the main plot in the control room, the reports from Peter Jennings, Howard Cosell, and Marianne Gebhardt's investigation, adds layers of complexity and suspense to the story. high ( Scene 49   Scene 50   )
Blind Spots
  • Underestimation of the emotional impact on the audience. While the screenplay captures the emotional intensity of the events, it occasionally underestimates the potential emotional impact on the audience. The swift transitions between tense scenes and lighter moments, particularly towards the end, can disrupt the emotional flow and undermine the gravity of the situation. medium
Amateur Giveaways
  • Inconsistent character motivations While Roone Arledge's character is well-developed, some supporting characters' motivations feel inconsistent or under-explained. For instance, some crew members' reactions to the unfolding crisis seem abrupt or lack sufficient emotional depth, potentially disrupting the audience's connection to the story. low

Engine: GPT4

Screenplay Rating:

Recommend

Executive Summary

The screenplay of 'September 5' effectively captures the tension and urgency surrounding the events of the 1972 Munich Olympics. It excels in character development, particularly through the arcs of Geoff Mason and Roone Arledge, showcasing their growth amidst a chaotic backdrop. The narrative is compelling, with a strong focus on the interplay between sports and politics, though it could benefit from tighter pacing in certain sequences. Overall, it presents a powerful exploration of human emotion and the impact of historical events on individual lives.

Strengths
Areas of Improvement
MissingElements
NotablePoints
Blind Spots
  • Character Depth The screenplay occasionally neglects to provide deeper insights into the motivations and backgrounds of secondary characters, which could enhance the overall narrative. For instance, while Geoff Mason's character is well-developed, others like Jacques and Bader could benefit from more backstory to enrich their roles. medium
Amateur Giveaways
  • Pacing Issues Certain sequences feel rushed, particularly in the early parts of the screenplay where character introductions could be more gradual. This can lead to a lack of emotional investment from the audience in those characters. For example, the transition from the excitement of the Olympics to the unfolding crisis could be smoother to maintain engagement. medium

Engine: Claude

Screenplay Rating:

Recommend

Executive Summary

The screenplay "September 5" is a captivating and emotionally charged drama that takes the audience on a gripping journey through the tragic events that unfolded during the 1972 Munich Olympics. With its strong character development, compelling narrative, and masterful incorporation of real-world events, the screenplay showcases the writer's ability to craft a powerful and thought-provoking story. While there are a few areas for improvement, the overall strengths of the screenplay, including its consistent themes, well-paced structure, and unique stylistic choices, make it a strong contender for adaptation and production.

Strengths
Areas of Improvement
  • While the screenplay effectively portrays the chaos and uncertainty of the situation, there are moments where the decision-making process of the ABC Sports crew could be more clearly defined and explored. Providing additional insight into their thought processes and the rationale behind their choices could further strengthen the narrative. medium ( Scene 25 (INT. CONTROL ROOM - DAY)   Scene 52 (INT. CONTROL ROOM - NIGHT)   )
  • The screenplay could benefit from additional development and exploration of the German authorities' perspective and their attempts to respond to the crisis. Providing more insight into their decision-making and the challenges they faced could add complexity to the narrative and create a more balanced portrayal of the events. medium ( Scene 40 (INT. CONTROL ROOM - NIGHT)   Scene 41 (INT. TRANSMISSION ROOM - NIGHT)   )
  • The emotional impact of the tragedy and the aftermath could be further explored, particularly in terms of the long-term consequences for the characters and the broader impact on the Olympic Games and the world. Expanding on these elements could enhance the screenplay's thematic depth and resonance. medium ( Scene 55 (INT. ROONE'S OFFICE - NIGHT)   Scene 58 (INT. CONTROL ROOM - NIGHT)   )
MissingElements
  • While the screenplay effectively portrays the experiences of the ABC Sports crew, it could benefit from a more balanced exploration of the perspectives and experiences of the Israeli athletes and their families. Providing additional insight into their stories and the human impact of the tragedy could further strengthen the narrative. medium ( Scene 29 (INT. CONTROL ROOM - DAY)   Scene 52 (INT. CONTROL ROOM - NIGHT)   )
  • The screenplay could potentially benefit from a more explicit exploration of the broader historical and political context surrounding the 1972 Munich Olympics, particularly in terms of the tensions between Israel and the Arab world. Providing additional context and background information could enhance the thematic depth and relevance of the story. medium ( Scene 1 (INT. ABC SPORTS' 1972 OLYMPICS STUDIO, CONTROL ROOM - DAY)   Scene 60 (INT. ROONE'S OFFICE - NIGHT)   )
NotablePoints
Blind Spots
  • Lack of Diverse Perspectives While the screenplay effectively portrays the experiences of the ABC Sports crew, it could benefit from a more balanced exploration of the perspectives and stories of the Israeli athletes and their families. Providing additional insight into their experiences and the human impact of the tragedy could enhance the screenplay's depth and resonance. medium
Amateur Giveaways
  • Underdeveloped Side Characters In some instances, the secondary characters, such as the German officials and the police officers, could be further developed to provide a more well-rounded portrayal of the various perspectives and challenges involved in the crisis. Strengthening these supporting characters could add complexity and nuance to the narrative. low
Memorable lines in the script:

Scene Number Line
48HOWARD: These Israeli athletes are leaving the Olympic Village -- not as free and proud competitors of their country -- but as victims of a brutal act of terror.
58McKay: Our worst fears have been realized tonight. They’ve now said there were eleven hostages; two were killed in their rooms this morn-- yesterday morning, nine were killed at the airport tonight. They're all gone.
3BADER: If you screw this up, I’m the one in trouble with Roone.
5ROONE: Ask him how it feels to win Gold in Hitler’s backyard... Walk with me...
6Roone: Not politics, Bader. Drama. Emotions.