SCENES
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Scene Map 60
# PG SLUGLINE
1 2
EXT A DITCH NIGHT
2 3
4 INT. SUPERMARKET - DAY 4
3 5
6A INT. SUPERMARKET STOCKROOM - DAY 6A
4 6
6B EXT. BEHIND THE STORE - CONTINUOUS 6B
5 8
8A INT. SUPERMARKET - DAY 8A
6 11
10 INT. SUPERMARKET / CHECKOUT LANE - DAY 10
7 14
11 INT. MANNIE’S CAR / PARKING LOT - NIGHT 11
8 16
12 EXT. DOORSTEP - NIGHT 12
9 21
15 EXT. THE BEAST - NIGHT 15
10 22
17 INT. MANNIE’S CAR - NIGHT 17
11 27
19 INT. BATHROOM - NIGHT 19
12 29
28 INT. HALLWAY - NIGHT (NORMAL) 28
13 31
30 INT. SUPERMARKET - NIGHT 30
14 34
38 INT. GAINES’ APARTMENT - NIGHT 38
15 37
39 EXT. DOWNSTAIRS DOORWAY - NIGHT 39
16 38
41 EXT. FIELD PARKING LOT - NIGHT 41
17 42
47 INT. GAINES’ APARTMENT - NIGHT 47
18 44
50 INT. BY THE ENTRANCE - NIGHT 50
19 46
54 EXT. FIELD / EDGE OF PARKING LOT - NIGHT (RAIN) 54
20 49
57A INT. SUPERMARKET STOREROOM - DAY 57A
21 52
61 INT. SINGH’S CADILLAC / DRIVING - DAY 61
22 54
62 INT. SILVER STAR CASINO RESTAURANT - NIGHT 62
23 56
63 INT. HOTEL LOBBY - NIGHT 63
24 58
65 INT. MIRRORED ELEVATOR - NIGHT 65
25 60
70 INT. THE BECKYS’ HOTEL ROOM - NIGHT 70
26 61
73 INT. CASINO MEN’S ROOM - NIGHT 73
27 63
77 INT. FERRARI / DRIVING DOWNTOWN - LATER 77
28 65
79 INT. HOTEL ROOM - NIGHT 79
29 69
84 INT. PRIVATE ROOM - NIGHT 84
30 72
85 EXT. PARKING LOT - NIGHT 85
31 74
87 INT. VICTOR’S OFFICE - NIGHT 87
32 75
88 INT. HOTEL ROOM BATHROOM - NIGHT 88
33 77
94 INT. HOTEL ROOM - NIGHT 94
34 79
102 INT. ADJOINING ROOM - NIGHT 102
35 81
105B EXT. PARKING RAMP - NIGHT 105B
36 83
107 EXT. A SIDE STREET - NIGHT 107
37 84
109 INT. THE CADILLAC - NIGHT 109
38 87
115 INT. ROLLED RAM CHARGER - NIGHT 115
39 88
121A INT. SUPERMARKET STOCKROOM - DAY 121A
40 91
123 INT. FALAFEL HUT - DAY 123
41 94
124 EXT. BY A PAYPHONE - DAY 124
42 96
127 INT. GROCERY STORE - DAY 127
43 98
130 EXT. STREET IN HOLLYWOOD - NIGHT 130
44 101
134 INT. VENICE HOUSE - LATER 134
45 104
135 EXT. A TINY HOUSE IN CULVER CITY - NIGHT 135
46 107
139 INT. KITCHEN - NIGHT 139
47 110
142 INT. LIQUOR STORE ON PICO - NIGHT 142
48 111
143 INT. HIGH RISE APARTMENT HALLWAY - NIGHT 143
49 112
144 EXT. WAREHOUSE / MARY XMAS SUPAFEST - NIGHT 144
50 114
146 EXT. FIELD - NIGHT (RAINING) 146
51 115
149 EXT. 24/7 GAS - NIGHT (RAIN) 149
52 118
155 EXT. FIELD - NIGHT (RAIN) 155
53 121
156 EXT. PARKING LOT - NIGHT (RAIN) 156
54 122
157 INT. JAVAMAN CAFE / HOLLYWOOD - DAY 157
55 125
157A INT. CAFE - LATER 157A
56 127
158 INT. STAIRWELL TO GAINES’ APARTMENT - DAY 158
57 130
INT APARTMENT LATER
58 132
169 INT. HOSPITAL ROOM - DAY 169
59 135
174 EXT. PARKING LOT - DAY 174
60 139
175 INT. SIMON’S APARTMENT - DAY 175
INT EXT INT/EXT hover for full slug
Scene Map
60
# PG SLUGLINE
1 2
EXT A DITCH NIGHT
EXT. A DITCH - NIGHT
EXT. A DITCH - NIGHT A light rain and crickets CHIRPING. Somewhere in the night, DANCE MUSIC is blaring, but here it’s only a whisper with a beat. Water trickles out of a jagged pipe. Splashing up mud, the
2 3
4 INT. SUPERMARKET - DAY 4
4 INT. SUPERMARKET - DAY 4
4 INT. SUPERMARKET - DAY 4 A cash drawer slides shut. On the far side of the checkout stand, a STRINGY HAIRED WOMAN counts food stamps. Her eyes are sunken, black. She’s got a screaming BABY on her arm and two rambunctious BOYS in the
3 5
6A INT. SUPERMARKET STOCKROOM - DAY 6A
6A INT. SUPERMARKET STOCKROOM - DAY 6A
6A INT. SUPERMARKET STOCKROOM - DAY 6A Dark and dusty, packed floor to ceiling with crates and palettes. Offscreen, a SOAP OPERA plays on TV. Ronna comes around the corner, a thundercloud of anger and frustration. She passes by CLAIRE (19) and the British SIMON
4 6
6B EXT. BEHIND THE STORE - CONTINUOUS 6B
6B EXT. BEHIND THE STORE - CONTINUOUS 6B
6B EXT. BEHIND THE STORE - CONTINUOUS 6B Ronna forges ahead, ignoring him. SIMON Is that why all the overtime? How much do you owe?
5 8
8A INT. SUPERMARKET - DAY 8A
8A INT. SUPERMARKET - DAY 8A
8A INT. SUPERMARKET - DAY 8A An UNSUSPECTING WOMAN takes a container of orange juice from * the refrigerator case. Suddenly, AN ARM reaches out through the case, grabbing it away. The woman *
6 11
10 INT. SUPERMARKET / CHECKOUT LANE - DAY 10
10 INT. SUPERMARKET / CHECKOUT LANE - DAY 10
10 INT. SUPERMARKET / CHECKOUT LANE - DAY 10 Ronna rips off a receipt, handing it to a CLUTCHY OLD WOMAN. Starts scanning someone else’s groceries. Mannie is digging out returns from under Ronna’s checkstand. He suddenly looks up.
7 14
11 INT. MANNIE’S CAR / PARKING LOT - NIGHT 11
11 INT. MANNIE’S CAR / PARKING LOT - NIGHT 11
11 INT. MANNIE’S CAR / PARKING LOT - NIGHT 11 The Beast is Mannie’s pride and joy, a late-70’s Toyota held together with duct tape and prayer. It’s outfitted for the season with Christmas lights lining the windshield and back window. Santa has replaced Jesus on the dashboard.
8 16
12 EXT. DOORSTEP - NIGHT 12
12 EXT. DOORSTEP - NIGHT 12
12 EXT. DOORSTEP - NIGHT 12 Ronna stands by the intercom of a two-story walkup in Hollywood. Waiting, she looks back to the street, where The Beast sits idle at the curb. INTERCOM VOICE
9 21
15 EXT. THE BEAST - NIGHT 15
15 EXT. THE BEAST - NIGHT 15
15 EXT. THE BEAST - NIGHT 15 Ronna kneels down beside the passenger window. Knocks on the glass. Claire rolls down the window. MUSIC spills out. RONNA Claire, could you come up with me for a
10 22
17 INT. MANNIE’S CAR - NIGHT 17
17 INT. MANNIE’S CAR - NIGHT 17
17 INT. MANNIE’S CAR - NIGHT 17 The clock on the dashboard reads 8:04. RONNA (v.o.) Is this it? Are you sure? ENGINE running, The Beast is parked along a residential street
11 27
19 INT. BATHROOM - NIGHT 19
19 INT. BATHROOM - NIGHT 19
19 INT. BATHROOM - NIGHT 19 CLOSE UP: Ronna locks the door. She leans back against the frame, panicking. She turns on both faucets. She checks the window.
12 29
28 INT. HALLWAY - NIGHT (NORMAL) 28
28 INT. HALLWAY - NIGHT (NORMAL) 28
28 INT. HALLWAY - NIGHT (NORMAL) 28 A white guy with dreadlocks comes out of a locked door. His name is LOOP. LOOP Man, I don’t know what happened, it’s like
13 31
30 INT. SUPERMARKET - NIGHT 30
30 INT. SUPERMARKET - NIGHT 30
30 INT. SUPERMARKET - NIGHT 30 A sign over the entrance reads “Yule Save More.” Christmas MUSAK blares “Jingle Bell Rock” overhead. The automatic doors slide open to reveal Ronna and Mannie, who split up. We follow Ronna, who is now wearing Mannie’s black
14 34
38 INT. GAINES’ APARTMENT - NIGHT 38
38 INT. GAINES’ APARTMENT - NIGHT 38
38 INT. GAINES’ APARTMENT - NIGHT 38 Gaines picks up the receiver, clicking the remote to mute the CD player. He’s still shirtless and wearing the Santa Claus hat. GAINES
15 37
39 EXT. DOWNSTAIRS DOORWAY - NIGHT 39
39 EXT. DOWNSTAIRS DOORWAY - NIGHT 39
39 EXT. DOWNSTAIRS DOORWAY - NIGHT 39 Ronna looks back to Mannie. RONNA Don’t say anything. And try not to look so stoned.
16 38
41 EXT. FIELD PARKING LOT - NIGHT 41
41 EXT. FIELD PARKING LOT - NIGHT 41
41 EXT. FIELD PARKING LOT - NIGHT 41 Mannie lies on the roof of The Beast, arms spread wide, cigarette in his fingers. 42 INT. THE BEAST - NIGHT 42 Ronna and Claire stare at each other, a competition, neither
17 42
47 INT. GAINES’ APARTMENT - NIGHT 47
47 INT. GAINES’ APARTMENT - NIGHT 47
47 INT. GAINES’ APARTMENT - NIGHT 47 MUSIC builds throughout. Standing at the dresser, Gaines cracks open Ronna’s bottle. Pills spill out on a plate. He counts them, pushing them aside in groups with a card.
18 44
50 INT. BY THE ENTRANCE - NIGHT 50
50 INT. BY THE ENTRANCE - NIGHT 50
50 INT. BY THE ENTRANCE - NIGHT 50 Sweating hard, Mannie is pressed back against a pole, shirt over his head. Two nose-ringed RIOT GRRRLS are drawing a Christmas tree on his chest and stomach with a fat magic marker.
19 46
54 EXT. FIELD / EDGE OF PARKING LOT - NIGHT (RAIN) 54
54 EXT. FIELD / EDGE OF PARKING LOT - NIGHT (RAIN) 54
54 EXT. FIELD / EDGE OF PARKING LOT - NIGHT (RAIN) 54 In the distance, we hear the RUMBLE of the music. Keeping low, Ronna works her way down a row, coming to Mannie’s car. She tries one key, then another. We LOOK UP to see Todd Gaines watching her from the hood of a
20 49
57A INT. SUPERMARKET STOREROOM - DAY 57A
57A INT. SUPERMARKET STOREROOM - DAY 57A
57A INT. SUPERMARKET STOREROOM - DAY 57A Offscreen, a SOAP OPERA plays. Simon is on the phone, a well- worn employee list in his hands. SIMON (ON PHONE) No, no. Donde Miguel? *
21 52
61 INT. SINGH’S CADILLAC / DRIVING - DAY 61
61 INT. SINGH’S CADILLAC / DRIVING - DAY 61
61 INT. SINGH’S CADILLAC / DRIVING - DAY 61 A massive land yacht from the pre-Embargo era. SINGH (23) is driving, nursing a beer. Marcus reads a magazine. Tiny talks from the enormous back seat, where Simon is recuperating. TINY
22 54
62 INT. SILVER STAR CASINO RESTAURANT - NIGHT 62
62 INT. SILVER STAR CASINO RESTAURANT - NIGHT 62
62 INT. SILVER STAR CASINO RESTAURANT - NIGHT 62 It’s a dive, and nearly empty. The guys work their way down both sides of a self-service food bar. Simon is mostly recovered. SIMON
23 56
63 INT. HOTEL LOBBY - NIGHT 63
63 INT. HOTEL LOBBY - NIGHT 63
63 INT. HOTEL LOBBY - NIGHT 63 We hear slot machines CHIMING in the distance. Marcus picks a gold card up from the counter. MARCUS (reading)
24 58
65 INT. MIRRORED ELEVATOR - NIGHT 65
65 INT. MIRRORED ELEVATOR - NIGHT 65
65 INT. MIRRORED ELEVATOR - NIGHT 65 Simon and Marcus are fully macked out. Marcus adjusts the shoulders of his bright yellow jacket. SIMON Did I mention how much I like your jacket?
25 60
70 INT. THE BECKYS’ HOTEL ROOM - NIGHT 70
70 INT. THE BECKYS’ HOTEL ROOM - NIGHT 70
70 INT. THE BECKYS’ HOTEL ROOM - NIGHT 70 While Rebecca smokes up, Becky tears a kleenex in half. She rolls each piece into a plug, shoving one up each nostril. BECKY (explaining)
26 61
73 INT. CASINO MEN’S ROOM - NIGHT 73
73 INT. CASINO MEN’S ROOM - NIGHT 73
73 INT. CASINO MEN’S ROOM - NIGHT 73 Gentle Christmas MUZAK. At the sinks, Marcus wets his fingers to fix his hair. An OLD TEXAN washes his hands at the next sink, looks around for a towel. Marcus takes two from the dispenser, hands them over.
27 63
77 INT. FERRARI / DRIVING DOWNTOWN - LATER 77
77 INT. FERRARI / DRIVING DOWNTOWN - LATER 77
77 INT. FERRARI / DRIVING DOWNTOWN - LATER 77 Empty intersections, no traffic to speak of. Marcus is looking for a cross-street. They’re lost. MARCUS See if there’s a map.
28 65
79 INT. HOTEL ROOM - NIGHT 79
79 INT. HOTEL ROOM - NIGHT 79
79 INT. HOTEL ROOM - NIGHT 79 Tiny lies on the bed, watching a bad hotel porno. Singh comes out of the bathroom, pale and shivering. SINGH Kill me.
29 69
84 INT. PRIVATE ROOM - NIGHT 84
84 INT. PRIVATE ROOM - NIGHT 84
84 INT. PRIVATE ROOM - NIGHT 84 A mirrored ball spins overhead, stars racing across the black paneling. Holly nudges Simon into his chair. He and Marcus sit back to back. As the champage POPS, we move into a series of overlapping
30 72
85 EXT. PARKING LOT - NIGHT 85
85 EXT. PARKING LOT - NIGHT 85
85 EXT. PARKING LOT - NIGHT 85 The Ferrari SCRAPES as it takes the curb too fast. From the alley, the Bartender chases after it, finally stopping to squeeze off three SHOTS. None seem to hit. The Ferrari tears down the street.
31 74
87 INT. VICTOR’S OFFICE - NIGHT 87
87 INT. VICTOR’S OFFICE - NIGHT 87
87 INT. VICTOR’S OFFICE - NIGHT 87 A bent needle pierces two flaps of skin, drawing a line of blood with the thread. Victor ties another stitch in Vic Jr.’s arm. He’s had practice at this. In the background, the Bartender and Noelle are
32 75
88 INT. HOTEL ROOM BATHROOM - NIGHT 88
88 INT. HOTEL ROOM BATHROOM - NIGHT 88
88 INT. HOTEL ROOM BATHROOM - NIGHT 88 Pale and dehydrated, Tiny sits on the toilet. He HUMS the theme to “I Dream of Jeannie.” 89 INT. HOTEL ROOM - NIGHT 89 ANNOUNCER [V.O., ON T.V.]
33 77
94 INT. HOTEL ROOM - NIGHT 94
94 INT. HOTEL ROOM - NIGHT 94
94 INT. HOTEL ROOM - NIGHT 94 Marcus and Simon burst in like a cyclone. Marcus grabs his clothes out of the closet. MARCUS All right, listen up. We’re leaving in 30
34 79
102 INT. ADJOINING ROOM - NIGHT 102
102 INT. ADJOINING ROOM - NIGHT 102
102 INT. ADJOINING ROOM - NIGHT 102 Singh has his ear to the door. SINGH (whisper) They’re in.
35 81
105B EXT. PARKING RAMP - NIGHT 105B
105B EXT. PARKING RAMP - NIGHT 105B
105B EXT. PARKING RAMP - NIGHT 105B The Cadillac charges out of the parking lot, nearly hitting another car as it heads onto the Strip. Looking back, we see the Ram Charger following them out. 106 EXT. FLAMINGO ROAD - NIGHT 106
36 83
107 EXT. A SIDE STREET - NIGHT 107
107 EXT. A SIDE STREET - NIGHT 107
107 EXT. A SIDE STREET - NIGHT 107 The Cadillac takes a corner hard, fishtailing into oncoming traffic. Tiny SCREAMS. Simon pulls it back into the lane. In the rear-view mirror, we see the Ram Charger, gaining. MARCUS
37 84
109 INT. THE CADILLAC - NIGHT 109
109 INT. THE CADILLAC - NIGHT 109
109 INT. THE CADILLAC - NIGHT 109 The abrupt stop sends Tiny flying into the front seat, where his head SMACKS against the dash. Marcus’s seat breaks, PINNING him. He pushes back, but Singh YELPS in protest. Simon blinks, trying to figure out if he’s alive. With Tiny’s
38 87
115 INT. ROLLED RAM CHARGER - NIGHT 115
115 INT. ROLLED RAM CHARGER - NIGHT 115
115 INT. ROLLED RAM CHARGER - NIGHT 115 We look through the windshield to find Victor piled on top of his son. Regaining his wits, the old man steps on Vic Jr.’s shoulder. Gets another foot into the steering wheel, climbing up to the driver’s door window.
39 88
121A INT. SUPERMARKET STOCKROOM - DAY 121A
121A INT. SUPERMARKET STOCKROOM - DAY 121A
121A INT. SUPERMARKET STOCKROOM - DAY 121A Off-screen, a SOAP OPERA plays. Claire leans beside Simon. His eyes track Ronna as she passes. (CONTINUED)
40 91
123 INT. FALAFEL HUT - DAY 123
123 INT. FALAFEL HUT - DAY 123
123 INT. FALAFEL HUT - DAY 123 A small sit-down dive in West Hollywood. The four men finish lunch. LOOP I think my girlfriend watches your show.
41 94
124 EXT. BY A PAYPHONE - DAY 124
124 EXT. BY A PAYPHONE - DAY 124
124 EXT. BY A PAYPHONE - DAY 124 Loop stands nearby while Adam talks to no one in particular. ADAM Star light, star bright first star that I see tonight...
42 96
127 INT. GROCERY STORE - DAY 127
127 INT. GROCERY STORE - DAY 127
127 INT. GROCERY STORE - DAY 127 At the refrigerator section, both Adam and Zack reach for orange juice. Both back off. Adam motions, after you. ADAM So, Zack. Do you know who your
43 98
130 EXT. STREET IN HOLLYWOOD - NIGHT 130
130 EXT. STREET IN HOLLYWOOD - NIGHT 130
130 EXT. STREET IN HOLLYWOOD - NIGHT 130 Waiting in The Beast, Mannie drums his fingers to the MUSIC. 131 EXT. FRONT OF GAINES’ APARTMENT - NIGHT 131 Claire is arguing with Ronna. She finally relents and goes upstairs with her.
44 101
134 INT. VENICE HOUSE - LATER 134
134 INT. VENICE HOUSE - LATER 134
134 INT. VENICE HOUSE - LATER 134 Burke SLAMS Zack up against the wall, twisting an arm behind him. He kicks his feet apart, then starts to cuff him. Zack is in considerable pain. BURKE
45 104
135 EXT. A TINY HOUSE IN CULVER CITY - NIGHT 135
135 EXT. A TINY HOUSE IN CULVER CITY - NIGHT 135
135 EXT. A TINY HOUSE IN CULVER CITY - NIGHT 135 Zack hits the alarm for his red Miata, which BWOOPS. He and Adam walk to the door, hostility simmering. A prefab Nativity scene glows beside the front door. Adam pushes the doorbell, which CHIMES “Hark Ye Herald Angels
46 107
139 INT. KITCHEN - NIGHT 139
139 INT. KITCHEN - NIGHT 139
139 INT. KITCHEN - NIGHT 139 Irene is back whipping the potatoes. IRENE Of course you like your job. You get to kiss all those pretty girls.
47 110
142 INT. LIQUOR STORE ON PICO - NIGHT 142
142 INT. LIQUOR STORE ON PICO - NIGHT 142
142 INT. LIQUOR STORE ON PICO - NIGHT 142 Adam checks a low shelf for the right brand of scotch. Zack kneels beside him. ZACK I have cheated on you with exactly one
48 111
143 INT. HIGH RISE APARTMENT HALLWAY - NIGHT 143
143 INT. HIGH RISE APARTMENT HALLWAY - NIGHT 143
143 INT. HIGH RISE APARTMENT HALLWAY - NIGHT 143 An apartment door opens to reveal a chubby girl in sweats (SANDRA) with a cordless phone and giant bowl of popcorn. She drops the former into the latter. ADAM
49 112
144 EXT. WAREHOUSE / MARY XMAS SUPAFEST - NIGHT 144
144 EXT. WAREHOUSE / MARY XMAS SUPAFEST - NIGHT 144
144 EXT. WAREHOUSE / MARY XMAS SUPAFEST - NIGHT 144 At the doors, BOUNCERS stamp hands. We move down the line of people waiting to get in, stopping on Adam and Zack. ZACK Okay, I just have to say this. The thing
50 114
146 EXT. FIELD - NIGHT (RAINING) 146
146 EXT. FIELD - NIGHT (RAINING) 146
146 EXT. FIELD - NIGHT (RAINING) 146 The tiny Miata maneuvers through the badly organized parking lot, trying to find the way out. 147 INT. MIATA - NIGHT (RAINING) 147 Zack gives directions from the passenger seat.
51 115
149 EXT. 24/7 GAS - NIGHT (RAIN) 149
149 EXT. 24/7 GAS - NIGHT (RAIN) 149
149 EXT. 24/7 GAS - NIGHT (RAIN) 149 The Miata is parked at the far island. 150 INT. MIATA - NIGHT (RAIN) 150 Adam steadies his hands on the wheel. Zack passes him the scotch. He takes a gulp, passes it back. The energy is still
52 118
155 EXT. FIELD - NIGHT (RAIN) 155
155 EXT. FIELD - NIGHT (RAIN) 155
155 EXT. FIELD - NIGHT (RAIN) 155 The Supafest is still RAGING in the distance. Adam digs through the trunk of the convertible, frantically rearranging the junk inside. He keeps looking around the lid, waiting for someone to sneak up on them.
53 121
156 EXT. PARKING LOT - NIGHT (RAIN) 156
156 EXT. PARKING LOT - NIGHT (RAIN) 156
156 EXT. PARKING LOT - NIGHT (RAIN) 156 A CAR ALARM drones incessantly, the siren interrupted with an occasional CAR ALARM VOICE Back away from the vehicle.
54 122
157 INT. JAVAMAN CAFE / HOLLYWOOD - DAY 157
157 INT. JAVAMAN CAFE / HOLLYWOOD - DAY 157
157 INT. JAVAMAN CAFE / HOLLYWOOD - DAY 157 Too early for the brunch crowd, just a smattering of vampires. All around, Christmas lights are strung with mad abandon. The lights overhead FLICKER. Everyone looks up. That’s when we come to find
55 125
157A INT. CAFE - LATER 157A
157A INT. CAFE - LATER 157A
157A INT. CAFE - LATER 157A Gaines scrapes the last of his eggs off the plate. Claire sits with two pieces of toast, untouched. She takes the scrap of the newspaper he tore off, looks at it. CLAIRE
56 127
158 INT. STAIRWELL TO GAINES’ APARTMENT - DAY 158
158 INT. STAIRWELL TO GAINES’ APARTMENT - DAY 158
158 INT. STAIRWELL TO GAINES’ APARTMENT - DAY 158 Claire kisses Gaines, pinning him against the wall. Rain BEATS against the door. She fumbles with his belt. His hand slides under her jacket, trying to undo her bra. They take a break from undressing to
57 130
INT APARTMENT LATER
INT. APARTMENT - LATER
INT. APARTMENT - LATER Sitting in the green chair, Simon makes an ‘X’ on his bicep with a marker. He feels for the bone. SIMON It’s all flesh here, it should be okay.
58 132
169 INT. HOSPITAL ROOM - DAY 169
169 INT. HOSPITAL ROOM - DAY 169
169 INT. HOSPITAL ROOM - DAY 169 Ronna wakes up, a bit at a time, an IV dripping overhead. We hear carolers SINGING in the distance. Her nose crinkles, her tongue finds her lips. Finally a swollen eye opens, looks around. A MEXICAN FAMILY is gathered
59 135
174 EXT. PARKING LOT - DAY 174
174 EXT. PARKING LOT - DAY 174
174 EXT. PARKING LOT - DAY 174 The Beast is the only car left. Ronna and Claire circle, looking for the keys on the ground. Calling out... RONNA You fucked Todd Gaines?
60 139
175 INT. SIMON’S APARTMENT - DAY 175
175 INT. SIMON’S APARTMENT - DAY 175
175 INT. SIMON’S APARTMENT - DAY 175 Simon awakes to POUNDING at the front door. He stands and turns, disoriented, no idea when or where he is. He finally finds a clock -- it’s 4:14 in the afternoon. More POUNDING at the door. Simon half-crawls to the window,
INT EXT INT/EXT tap to expand

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On Christmas Eve, a broke supermarket cashier tries to flip twenty hits of ecstasy to avoid eviction, but her quick score entangles a ruthless dealer, two undercover pretty boys, and a reckless Brit on a Vegas bender as their stories crash together into raves, guns, and terrible choices.

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Overview

Poster
Unique Selling Proposition

Pinball‑style structure that resets and reveals causality from new angles, delivering quotable, razor‑sharp banter and set‑pieces (supermarket ‘heist’ dance, champagne‑room shooting, Amway dinner) that build momentum and payoff as threads converge.

AI Verdict

Model upgrade — March 31, 2026
Verdicts are often harsher under the new readers, but the analysis is significantly stronger. Under the previous models, this script would have scored:
The scoring scale changed with the upgrade — use these only to compare against earlier revisions of this script. Click any reader to open their full legacy review.
Synthesis Where readers agree and split
7.7

A qualified recommend for an elevated commercial ensemble crime-comedy that demonstrates strong voice and set-piece craft but requires targeted structural work to unify its triptych convergence.

Read as Elevated commercial Comedy Crime Thriller

An elevated commercial, multi-POV crime-comedy aiming to deliver propulsive, interlocking caper pleasure with a sharp, irreverent voice and structural playfulness.

Readers split on whether the script's ironic detachment and structural resets are deliberate stylistic features or barriers to emotional investment. The split traces to the back half, where the puzzle-box mechanics either sustain engagement or flatten the stakes depending on the reader's tolerance for emotional distance.

Would readers champion it?
Not yetNot yetReaders wouldn’t actively push for it.
WeaklyWeaklyMentioned, but no real push behind it.
ModeratelyModeratelyMentioned favorably to the right buyer.
StronglyStronglyActively championed across their network.
ClaudeStronglyGPT5StronglyGeminiStronglyGrokModerately
How much rewrite does it need?
Start from scratchStart from scratchPremise or core engine isn’t working. Page-one rebuild.
Structural rewriteStructural rewriteSpecific acts or zones need rebuilding — not starting over, but significant revision work on those sections.
Targeted rewriteTargeted rewriteSpecific scenes or threads need rework. ~1 month.
Just polishJust polishLines and pacing tweaks. A few weeks.
ClaudeTargeted rewriteGPT5Targeted rewriteGrokTargeted rewriteGeminiJust polish
How distinctive is the voice?
GenericGenericReads like other scripts in the genre.
EmergingEmergingHints of a distinctive voice, not yet locked in.
DistinctiveDistinctiveA clear, recognizable authorial voice.
One-of-a-kindOne-of-a-kindA voice that couldn’t be anyone else’s.
ClaudeDistinctiveGPT5DistinctiveGrokDistinctiveGeminiOne-of-a-kind

On the score: The score sits at the high edge of its band — a focused revision could push it to the next verdict.

What's working 4 of 5 readers agree

The interlocking multi-POV structure and collision mechanics deliver sustained, distinctive pleasure that anchors the script's commercial viability.

What's blocking 4 of 5 readers agree

The triptych's structural resets fracture causal and emotional accumulation, leaving the third-act convergence feeling mechanically clever rather than cumulatively earned.

Why not lower

Consistent page-level control, distinctive voice, and highly functional set-pieces prevent the read from losing professional confidence.

Why not higher

The diffuse convergence and underdeveloped secondary emotional stakes cap the script's impact below a top-tier endorsement.

Fix-first · Protect-while-fixing · Reader splits · Quick credibility wins
Rewrite map

A script with a distinctive interlocking POV structure and sharp comic voice that needs targeted structural work on midsection pressure and the third-act convergence.

Read as Elevated commercial

Start here

Re-anchoring the primary dramatic question at each POV transition addresses both the midsection momentum drop and the diffuse third-act convergence, fixing the upstream structural reset reduces the cost of both.

Protect while fixing 2
Interlocking multi-POV collision mechanics

Tightening causal links or adding a shared deadline risks linearizing the structure and flattening the staggered reveal grammar that generates the script's signature irony.

Maintain the hard POV resets and staggered timeline handoffs while threading the unifying question through them, rather than converting the mosaic into a single linear spine.

Dialogue's comic-character double register

Adding emotional weight or causal glue to secondary strands could tempt the writer to replace character-specific banter with plot-functional exposition.

Ensure any new emotional beats are delivered through the existing distinct verbal registers and tangential digressions rather than through direct, on-the-nose confrontation.

Fix first 2
Back-half causal and emotional accumulation resets

The reader loses forward pull as the triptych structure resets stakes with each POV shift, leaving the convergence feeling like a logistical puzzle rather than an earned payoff.

Root cause

The script treats each narrative strand as a self-contained unit without a shared governing question or ticking clock to carry pressure across transitions.

One direction

Plant a unifying dramatic question or shared deadline in act one and explicitly hand it off at each POV transition so the strands accumulate toward a single climax.

Secondary POV strands lack sustained emotional stakes Readers disagree on cause

The reader enjoys the comic set-pieces but struggles to invest in the secondary characters' outcomes, making the middle act feel episodic rather than urgent.

Root cause

Emotional stakes are introduced late or resolved quickly in the Simon and Adam/Zack strands, subordinating character arcs to plot mechanics.

One direction

Weave character-specific emotional pressure into the secondary strands' existing set-pieces so the comedy and consequence reinforce each other.

Your decisions 1
Tonal detachment vs. emotional grounding: whether the script's ironic distance is a deliberate contract or a barrier to investment. Consequential
Side A

Committing to the ironic contract means preserving the cynical, puzzle-box tone and accepting that emotional stakes will remain secondary to structural play and comic escalation.

Side B

Committing to emotional grounding means allowing brief, un-ironic moments of genuine fear or consequence to land before reverting to the comedic baseline, which would deepen audience investment but risk softening the 90s slacker aesthetic.

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Story Facts
Genres:
Crime 70% Drama 60% Comedy 45% Thriller 30% Action 10% Romance 5%

Setting: Contemporary, likely around the Christmas season, Various locations in Los Angeles, including a supermarket, a rave, a hospital, and a series of apartments

Themes: Desperation and Survival, Consequences of Choices, Amorality and Moral Grayness, Class and Economic Struggle, Chance and Interconnection, Youth and Recklessness

Conflict & Stakes: Ronna's struggle to avoid eviction and navigate the dangerous world of drug dealing, while facing threats from both law enforcement and violent dealers.

Mood: Darkly comedic and tense, with moments of urgency and desperation.

Standout Features:

  • Unique Hook: The intertwining lives of young adults navigating the drug trade during the Christmas season, highlighting the contrast between holiday cheer and personal despair.
  • Plot Twist: Ronna's accidental involvement in a violent confrontation after hitting her head on the windshield, leading to a series of escalating events.
  • Distinctive Setting: The juxtaposition of festive holiday settings with the dark underbelly of drug culture in Los Angeles.
  • Innovative Ideas: The use of dark humor to address serious themes of addiction, desperation, and the consequences of choices.

Comparable Scripts: Pulp Fiction, Go, Magnolia, The Big Lebowski, Trainspotting, Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels, Christmas Evil, The Night Before, Short Cuts, Bad Santa

How 5 AI Readers Scored The Script

Graded as Elevated commercial
Claude GPT5 Gemini DeepSeek Grok Average spread Row tint: weak mid strong excellent
Premise i
7.8
Plot i
7.2
Structure i
8.0
Character i
6.8
Dialogue i
8.0
Tone / Voice i
8.4
Theme i
6.6
Marketability i
7.4

Script Level Analysis

Writer Exec

This section delivers a top-level assessment of the screenplay’s strengths and weaknesses — covering overall quality (P/C/R/HR), character development, emotional impact, thematic depth, narrative inconsistencies, and the story’s core philosophical conflict. It helps identify what’s resonating, what needs refinement, and how the script aligns with professional standards.

Screenplay Insights

Breaks down your script along various categories.

Overall Score: 7.95
Key Suggestions:
The analysis reveals that while your screenplay 'Go' excels in sharp dialogue, inventive non-linear structure, and a compelling ensemble, the emotional arcs for Simon and Claire require deeper development to match Ronna's resonant journey. Simon's arc especially lacks a clear moment of consequence or self-awareness, ending abruptly rather than with earned catharsis. To elevate the script, focus on giving Simon a reflective beat (even wordless) that shows the cost of his recklessness, and expand Claire's internal conflict with a solo scene or voiceover to clarify her motivations. Tightening the Vegas chase sequence and reducing reliance on coincidence will also strengthen narrative cohesion and emotional payoff.
> Go to Screenplay Insights
Story Critique

Big-picture feedback on the story’s clarity, stakes, cohesion, and engagement.

Key Suggestions:
The script's non-linear structure is a strength, but the Vegas subplot's lighter comedic tone sometimes undermines the mounting danger in the L.A. storyline. To tighten the narrative, deepen the emotional consequences for characters like Claire and Mannie—especially Mannie's overdose and Ronna's guilt—and consider cutting or shortening digressions like the tantra lecture. Strengthen the thematic resonance between threads with a shared visual or verbal motif, and give the Adam/Zack subplot a more definitive resolution, even if ambiguous. These changes will enhance the script's overall cohesion and emotional impact.
> Go to Story Critique
Characters

Explores the depth, clarity, and arc of the main and supporting characters.

Key Suggestions:
The character analyses reveal a clear strength in the overall architecture of intersecting stories and the vividness of main characters like Ronna and Todd. However, several supporting characters—particularly Mannie and Claire—risk being underutilized as reactive sidekicks rather than active participants with their own compelling arcs. To elevate the script, focus on deepening their internal conflicts and giving them moments of genuine agency earlier in the narrative. For example, show Claire making a small independent decision before the midpoint, or give Mannie a moment where he refuses a plan. Also, consider reinforcing the thematic 'surprise' thread by having characters like Simon or Todd directly echo Claire's opening monologue. The strongest scenes (Ronna in the ditch, Todd's diner scene) capture vulnerability and irony, and replicating that tonal balance across all character beats will increase emotional resonance.
> Go to Characters
Emotional Analysis

Breaks down the emotional journey of the audience across the script.

> Go to Emotional Analysis
Goals and Philosophical Conflict

Evaluates character motivations, obstacles, and sources of tension throughout the plot.

Key Suggestions:
The analysis reveals that Ronna's internal and external goals evolve from a basic need for financial stability to a deeper struggle for identity and moral clarity. Her journey from desperation to self-awareness creates a compelling character arc, but the script would benefit from ensuring that each decision she makes visibly escalates the tension and cues the audience into her shifting priorities. The philosophical conflict of Survival vs. Morality is central; make sure that Ronna's moments of moral reckoning are emotionally grounded and not overshadowed by plot mechanics.
> Go to Goals and Philosophical Conflict
Themes

Analysis of the themes of the screenplay and how well they’re expressed.

Key Suggestions:
The script's greatest strength is its tight cause-and-effect structure, where every character’s survival-driven choice escalates into violence and moral compromise. To maximize impact, ensure that the primary theme of desperation remains the engine for every scene—especially in moments where secondary themes (like chance or youth) could dilute tension. The moral grayness is effective but risks making characters unsympathetic; consider adding small beats of vulnerability or regret to keep audiences emotionally invested. The interwoven plotlines work well, but tighten any coincidences that feel too convenient to preserve the gritty realism.
> Go to Themes
Logic & Inconsistencies

Highlights any contradictions, plot holes, or logic gaps that may confuse viewers.

Key Suggestions:
The script shows strong ensemble energy and inventive set-pieces, but several character and plot beats undermine credibility. Claire's abrupt pivot from terrified hostage to flirtatious pursuer of her captor, Todd, feels driven by plot convenience rather than emotional truth—this needs a bridging beat (even a small one) to sell the turn. Similarly, Victor, established as ruthlessly pragmatic, allowing the sole eyewitness to walk out before a retaliatory shooting breaks his own logic and weakens scene tension. Tightening these moments—while preserving the dark-comic tone—will make the story's cascading consequences feel earned, not arbitrary. Consider also trimming repetitive motif callbacks (e.g., Claire's 'Christmas surprise' speech) to keep flourishes fresh.
> Go to Logic & Inconsistencies

Scene Analysis

All of your scenes analyzed individually and compared, so you can zero in on what to improve.

Scene-Level Percentile Chart
Hover over the graph to see more details about each score.
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Other Analyses

Writer Exec

This section looks at the extra spark — your story’s voice, style, world, and the moments that really stick. These insights might not change the bones of the script, but they can make it more original, more immersive, and way more memorable. It’s where things get fun, weird, and wonderfully you.

Unique Voice

Assesses the distinctiveness and personality of the writer's voice.

Key Suggestions:
Your voice is a rare and powerful blend of gritty realism, dark humor, and structural playfulness—lean into it. The analysis highlights that your best scene (Scene 1) perfectly encapsulates this tension between horror and comedy, which is your signature. To sharpen the script, ensure every scene carries at least one moment that juxtaposes violence with ironic wit or unexpected tenderness. Be mindful that your irreverence can undercut emotional stakes if overused; balance it with genuine vulnerability (as seen in Ronna’s eviction storyline) to keep the audience fully invested.
> Go to Unique Voice
Writer's Craft

Analyzes the writing to help the writer be aware of their skill and improve.

Key Suggestions:
Focus on raising the dramatic stakes in each scene by introducing active conflict, clear deadlines, or tangible consequences. Many scenes currently function as breather moments that fail to advance the plot or deepen relationships. Strengthen character arcs by revealing hidden vulnerabilities or motivations through monologues or subtext. The dialogue is strong, but without underlying tension or emotional stakes, scenes risk feeling flat and interchangeable.
> Go to Writer's Craft
Memorable Lines
Spotlights standout dialogue lines with emotional or thematic power.
> Go to Memorable Lines
Tropes
Highlights common or genre-specific tropes found in the script.
> Go to Tropes
World Building

Evaluates the depth, consistency, and immersion of the story's world.

Key Suggestions:
The world-building analysis highlights how the gritty, rain-soaked nocturnal environments (supermarket stockrooms, drainage ditches, cramped alleys) effectively mirror characters' desperation and create claustrophobic tension. To strengthen the script, consider deepening sensory details in these spaces—particularly the warehouse rave and the supermarket—to ground the irony of Christmas decorations against violence. The culture of raves and drug dealing could be more concretely tied to character motivations beyond economic survival, using the dead-celebrity game or the 'Family Circus' critique as character-shaping tools.
> Go to World Building
Correlations

Identifies patterns in scene scores.

Key Suggestions:
The analysis shows that every scene (1–60) received a score of 0 across all evaluation categories (Tone, Plot, Characters, Dialogue, etc.). This means no actual grading or feedback has been applied to the script. To improve the craft, you need to seek substantive evaluations from readers or script consultants who can provide specific, non-zero ratings and qualitative comments. Without that, you won't know which elements are working and which need revision.
> Go to Correlations
Loglines
Presents logline variations based on theme, genre, and hook.
> Go to Loglines