scream

Summary A young woman, Casey Becker, receives threatening phone calls from a mysterious man, leading to a terrifying encounter and the brutal murder of her boyfriend. As the town is rocked by a series of murders, Sidney Prescott becomes the target of the Ghost Masked Figure, leading to a deadly game of survival. With the revelation of the killers' identities, Sidney fights back with the help of her friends, ultimately facing her trauma head-on and securing a sense of closure. Amidst chaos and danger, the town of Woodsboro navigates the dark forces at play, culminating in a chilling and intense battle for survival.


Screenplay Story Analysis

Story Critique The plot/story of this screenplay is well-structured and engaging, keeping the reader on the edge of their seat throughout. The opening scene effectively establishes the ominous tone and introduces the central mystery, immediately drawing the reader into the story. The screenplay successfully builds suspense and tension as the killer's identity remains a secret, leading to several shocking twists and revelations. The characters are well-developed and relatable, each with their own motivations and conflicts, adding depth to the narrative. The pacing is well-managed, with a good balance between moments of heightened tension and quieter character-driven scenes. Overall, the plot/story is a major strength of this screenplay.
Suggestions: To further enhance the plot/story, consider adding more backstory and development for the killer, providing deeper insights into their motivations and psyche. Additionally, exploring the emotional impact of the killings on the victims' families and friends could add an extra layer of depth and poignancy to the story. Lastly, consider refining the ending to provide a more satisfying resolution to the central mystery while leaving room for potential future installments.

Note: This is the overall critique. For scene by scene critique click here
Beginning The beginning of the screenplay effectively establishes the ominous tone and introduces the central mystery, immediately drawing the reader into the story. The opening scene is particularly strong, effectively conveying a sense of unease and dread. The subsequent scenes do a good job of introducing the main characters and their relationships, providing a solid foundation for the rest of the screenplay. The pacing is well-managed, creating a sense of urgency and keeping the reader engaged.
Suggestions: To further enhance the beginning of the screenplay, consider expanding on the backstory of the killer, providing hints or clues that foreshadow their identity and motivations. Additionally, exploring the emotional impact of the killings on the victims' families and friends could add an extra layer of depth and poignancy to the story from the outset.
Middle The middle part of the screenplay maintains the suspense and tension established in the beginning, with several shocking twists and revelations. The characters continue to be well-developed and relatable, and their interactions add depth to the narrative. The pacing is well-managed, with a good balance between moments of heightened tension and quieter character-driven scenes. Overall, the middle part of the screenplay successfully builds on the strong foundation established in the beginning.
Suggestions: To further enhance the middle part of the screenplay, consider adding more scenes that explore the relationships between the characters, particularly those between the killer and the victims. Additionally, expanding on the killer's motivations and backstory could add an extra layer of complexity and intrigue to the story. Lastly, consider refining the pacing to ensure that the tension continues to build steadily throughout this section.
Ending The ending of the screenplay provides a satisfying resolution to the central mystery while leaving room for potential future installments. The identity of the killer is revealed in a shocking twist, and their motivations are explored in a way that is both satisfying and emotionally resonant. The final confrontation between the killer and the protagonist is well-executed, providing a thrilling and cathartic conclusion to the story. Overall, the ending of the screenplay is a strong and effective conclusion to the plot.
Suggestions: To further enhance the ending of the screenplay, consider refining the dialogue during the final confrontation between the killer and the protagonist to add more emotional weight and tension to the scene. Additionally, expanding on the aftermath of the killings and their impact on the surviving characters could provide a more emotionally resonant and satisfying conclusion to the story. Lastly, consider exploring alternative ways to reveal the killer's identity while maintaining the element of surprise and shock.

See the full analysis by clicking the title.

Story Content Character Development Scene Elements Audience Engagement Technical Aspects
Click for Full Analysis Tone Overall Grade Concept Plot Originality Score Characters Internal Goal External Goal Conflict Story forward Twist Emotional Impact Dialogue Engagement Pacing Formatting Structure
1 - Strange Phone Call Suspenseful, Mysterious, Tense 8 8 76 8 687887886 99988
2 - Unsettling Phone Call Suspenseful, Menacing, Intense, Terrifying 9 9 88 8 887989989 99988
3 - Deadly Trivia Terrifying, Intense, Suspenseful 9 9 99 8 8999910999 910999
4 - Casey's Desperate Escape Intense, Terrifying, Suspenseful 9 9 99 8 89810910989 79988
5 - Casey's Tragic Discovery Terror, Suspense, Shock 9 9 89 7 89898109810 69888
6 - Midnight Rendezvous Tense, Suspenseful, Romantic, Playful 8 8 78 9 687778788 89888
7 - A Nightmare Begins Disturbing, Suspenseful, Shocking 9 8 98 8 787778879 89888
8 - Police Question Sidney Suspenseful, Tense, Serious 8 7 89 7 687879878 79888
9 - Schoolyard Accusations Suspenseful, Dark, Humorous 8 8 79 8 687877887 99888
10 - A Night of Comfort and Fear Suspenseful, Tense, Dark 8 7 89 7 687778778 79888
11 - Terrifying Phone Call and Closet Attack Suspenseful, Terrifying, Intense 9 9 87 7 7879810889 89988
12 - Scream: Home Invasion Nightmare Terror, Suspense, Fear, Anxiety 9 9 88 7 8989810989 79999
13 - Aftermath of the Attack Suspenseful, Tense, Dramatic, Intense 9 8 99 8 787989979 79888
14 - Interrogation and Confrontation Suspenseful, Intense, Dramatic, Dark 9 8 98 8 887989989 89988
15 - The Threatening Call Suspenseful, Tense, Dramatic, Terrifying 9 8 99 8 787989989 99988
16 - Morning Mayhem Suspenseful, Tense, Dramatic, Dark 9 8 99 8 887989989 79888
17 - Sidney Confronts Gale Suspenseful, Intense, Confrontational 8 8 99 8 887989988 99888
18 - Campus Chaos Suspenseful, Tense, Dramatic, Dark 8 8 78 7 687.5889788 698.588
19 - Tension in the Hallway Tense, Emotional, Confrontational 8 7 88 9 887877879 99888
20 - Bathroom Encounter Suspenseful, Terrifying, Intense, Dramatic 9 9 89 7 787989889 89888
21 - Flirting with Danger Suspenseful, Tense, Dramatic, Mysterious 8 7 89 7 587678877 79888
22 - Tense Hallways and Hidden Horrors Suspenseful, Tense, Dark, Mysterious 9 9 98 8 787989988 79988
23 - Rumors and Revelations Suspenseful, Tense, Dramatic, Dark 8 8 79 8 787979888 79888
24 - Horror and Suspicion at Blockbuster Suspenseful, Dark, Tense, Mysterious, Dramatic 8 8 78 9 687877877 99888
25 - Unveiling the Prime Suspect Suspenseful, Tense, Dramatic, Dark 8 8 77 7 787889888 69899
26 - Pre-Party Banter and a Sinister Sight Suspenseful, Dark, Humorous 8 8 79 8 687879877 79888
27 - Pre-Movie Preparations Suspenseful, Tense, Dark, Mysterious, Dramatic 8 8 79 7 687.5889887 798.588
28 - Party Interrupted Suspenseful, Dramatic, Dark, Tense 8 8 87 7 687878877 79988
29 - Tatum's Fatal Garage Encounter Suspense, Fear, Darkness, Violence 9 9 87.5 7 687.5989888 698.588
30 - Heartfelt Conversation in Stu's Bedroom Tense, Intimate, Playful, Dramatic 8 8 89 9 887767979 89888
31 - Horror Movie Rules Suspenseful, Dark, Humorous 8 8 79 7 687878876 89888
32 - Ghostface Attacks Tense, Suspenseful, Dramatic, Intense 9 8 98 8 7989810989 79999
33 - Danger Lurks in the Dark Tense, Suspenseful, Dramatic, Terrifying 9 8 98 8 787989889 79999
34 - Terrifying Escape and Deadly Ambush Tense, Terrifying, Frantic, Suspenseful 9 8 98 8 8989810989 79999
35 - Attack at Stu's House Tense, Suspenseful, Dramatic, Intense 9 9 89 9 887.59810999 898.588
36 - The Unmasking of the Ghostface Killers Suspenseful, Menacing, Twisted, Sinister 9 9 99 8 798999999 89888
37 - Confrontation and Revelation Dark, Intense, Sinister, Twisted 9 9 99 8 898989989 89999
38 - Confrontation and Attack Intense, Suspenseful, Dramatic, Violent 9 9 98 8 7989810988 89999
39 - Post-Kill Resolution Tense, Suspenseful, Dramatic, Dark, Intense 9 8 99 8 898989989 79999


Scene 1 - Strange Phone Call
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 7
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 9
SCREAM

by

Kevin Williamson
FADE IN:


ON A RINGING TELEPHONE

A hand reaches for it, bringing the receiver up to the face of
CASEY BECKER, a young girl, no more than sixteen. A friendly face
with innocent eyes.

CASEY
Hello.

MAN'S VOICE
(from phone)
Hello.

Silence.

CASEY
Yes.

MAN
Who is this?

CASEY
Who are you trying to reach?

MAN
What number is this?

CASEY
What number are you trying to reach?

MAN
I don't know.

CASEY
I think you have the wrong number.

MAN
Do I?

CASEY
It happens. Take it easy.

CLICK! She hangs up the phone. The CAMERA PULLS BACK to reveal
Casey in a living room, alone. She moves from the living room to
the kitchen. It's a nice house. Affluent.

The phone RINGS again.


INT. KITCHEN

Casey grabs the portable.

CASEY
Hello.
MAN
I'm sorry. I guess I dialed the wrong
number.

CASEY
So why did you dial it again?

MAN
To apologize.

CASEY
You're forgiven. Bye now.

MAN
Wait, wait, don't hang up.

Casey stands in front of a sliding glass door. It's pitch black
outside.

CASEY
What?

MAN
I want to talk to you for a second.

CASEY
They've got 900 numbers for that. Seeya.

CLICK! Casey hangs up. A grin on her face.


EXT. CASEY'S HOUSE – NIGHT – ESTABLISHING

A big country home with a huge sprawling lawn full of big oak
trees. It sits alone with no neighbors in sight.

The phone RINGS again.
Genres: ["Horror","Thriller"]

Summary Casey Becker receives a series of strange phone calls from a man. The man asks who she is and what number she has, but Casey refuses to give him any information. The man eventually hangs up, but Casey is left feeling uneasy.
Strengths
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Suspenseful atmosphere
  • Strong character introduction
Weaknesses
  • Limited emotional depth
  • Slightly predictable setup
Critique
  • The scene starts off with a classic horror movie setup - a mysterious phone call to a young girl in a nice house. This sets the tone for the rest of the script, establishing a sense of unease and tension.
  • The dialogue between Casey and the mysterious man on the phone is a bit cliched and lacks depth. It feels like a typical horror movie conversation without much originality or nuance.
  • The pacing of the scene is a bit slow, with multiple phone calls and repetitive interactions between Casey and the man. It could benefit from some tightening to keep the audience engaged.
  • The setting of the scene, a big country home with a sprawling lawn, is a classic horror movie location that adds to the atmosphere. However, more description of the surroundings could enhance the sense of isolation and fear.
  • There is a lack of visual description in the scene, focusing mainly on the dialogue. Adding more visual cues and sensory details could help create a more immersive experience for the audience.
Suggestions
  • Add more depth to the dialogue between Casey and the mysterious man on the phone. Explore their motivations and emotions to make the interaction more engaging.
  • Consider tightening the pacing of the scene by condensing the multiple phone calls into a more concise and impactful exchange.
  • Enhance the setting description to create a more vivid and immersive environment for the audience. Use sensory details to evoke a sense of fear and isolation.
  • Introduce more visual cues and descriptive language to paint a clearer picture of the scene for the audience. Show, don't tell, to enhance the atmosphere and tension.



Scene 2 - Unsettling Phone Call
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 9
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 9
INT. KITCHEN

Popcorn sizzles in a pot on the stove. Casey covers it with a lid,
reaching for the portable phone.

CASEY
Hello.

MAN
Why don't you want to talk to me?

CASEY
Who is this?

MAN
You tell me your name, I'll tell you mine.

CASEY
(shaking the popcorn)
I don't think so.
MAN
What's that noise?

Casey smiles, playing along, innocently.

CASEY
Popcorn.

MAN
You're making popcorn?

CASEY
Uh-huh.

MAN
I only eat popcorn at the movies.

CASEY
I'm getting ready to watch a video.

MAN
Really? What?

CASEY
Just some scary movie.

MAN
Do you like scary movies?

CASEY
Uh-huh.

MAN
What's your favorite scary movie?

He's flirting with her. Casey moves away from the stove and takes
a seat at the kitchen counter, directly in front of the glass
door.

CASEY
I don't know.

MAN
You have to have a favorite.

Casey thinks for second.

CASEY
Uh... HALLOWEEN. You know, the one with
the guy with the white mask who just sorta
walks around and stalks the baby sitters.
What's yours?

MAN
Guess.

CASEY
Uh... NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET.
MAN
Is that the one where the guy had knives
for fingers?

CASEY
Yeah... Freddy Krueger.

MAN
Freddy-that's right. I liked that movie.
It was scary.

CASEY
The first one was, but the rest sucked.

MAN
So, you gotta boyfriend?

CASEY
(giggling)
Why? You wanna ask me out?

MAN
Maybe. Do you have a boyfriend?

CASEY
No.

MAN
You never told me your name.

Casey smiles, twirling her hair.

CASEY
Why do you want to know my name?

MAN
Because I want to know who I'm looking at.

Casey spins around like lightning facing the glass door.

CASEY
What did you say?

MAN
I want to now who I'm talking to.

CASEY
That's not what you said.

MAN
What do you think I said?

Casey CLICKS on the outside light. A flood light illuminates the
backyard. Her eyes survey the grounds. But it's empty. No one's
there. She turns the light out.

On the stove, the popcorn POPS.

CASEY
I have to go now.
MAN
Wait... I thought we were gonna go out.

CASEY
Nah, I don't think so...

MAN
Don't hang up on me.

CASEY
Gotta go.

MAN
Don't...

CLICK! Casey hangs up. She checks the glass door making sure it's
locked and then moves to the stove as...

THE PHONE RINGS.

She slides the popcorn from the stove, reaching for the phone.

CASEY
Yes?

MAN
I told you not to hang up on me.

CASEY
What do you want?

MAN
To talk.

CASEY
Dial someone else, okay?

MAN
You getting scared?

CASEY
No-bored.

CLICK. She hangs up. The phone RINGS again. She grabs it.

CASEY
Listen, asshole...

MAN
(deadly serious)
NO, YOU LISTEN, YOU LITTLE BITCH. IF YOU
HANG UP ON ME AGAIN I'LL GUT YOU LIKE A
FISH. UNDERSTAND?

Total silence. He has gotten her full attention.

CASEY
Is this some kind of a joke?
MAN
More of a game, really.

Casey eyes the glass doors, then looks up the hallway to the front
doors... moving to it. It's unlocked. She bolts it.

CASEY
I'm two seconds from calling the police.

MAN
They'd never make it in time.

Casey moves her face flush against the door, her eye looking
through the peephole.


ANGLE THROUGH PEEPHOLE

A distorted view of the front porch. It is empty. She relaxes a
bit, relieved.

CASEY
What do you want?

MAN
(pure evil)
TO SEE WHAT YOUR INSIDES LOOK LIKE.

Casey's jaw drops as total fear storms her face. She hangs up the
phone, throwing it down on a side table when...

THE DOORBELL CHIMES.

Casey leaps out of her skin. She turns to the door as it chimes
again.

CASEY
(calling out)
Who's there?

Another CHIME. She moves to it.

CASEY
(louder)
Who's there?

No answer. Fuck this. It's time for the police. She goes for the
portable phone. Just as she picks it up...

IT RINGS.

Casey almost drops it, losing her breath...

She brings it to her ear with trembling hands, saying nothing...
listening, waiting...

A long silence. And then.
MAN
You should never say "Who's there?". Don't
you watch scary movies? It's a death wish.

Casey clutches the wall, nearly collapsing. She tries her damndest
to hang tough.

CASEY
Look, enough is enough. You had your fun
now you better leave me alone or else.

MAN
Or else what?

CLOSE ON her face, her mind thinking, calculating...
Genres: ["Horror","Thriller"]

Summary Casey is home alone making popcorn when she receives a mysterious phone call from a stranger who engages her in a conversation about scary movies. The caller's behavior becomes increasingly creepy and threatening, leaving Casey feeling frightened and vulnerable.
Strengths
  • Effective use of suspense and tension
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Strong emotional impact
Weaknesses
  • Some cliched horror tropes
Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension and suspense through the phone conversation between Casey and the mysterious man, creating a sense of unease and fear for the audience.
  • The dialogue between Casey and the man is engaging and keeps the audience on edge, especially with the man's sinister and threatening tone.
  • The use of visual cues, such as Casey checking the glass door and bolting the front door, adds to the atmosphere of fear and vulnerability in the scene.
  • The scene effectively conveys Casey's escalating fear and desperation as she realizes the seriousness of the situation she's in.
  • The revelation of the man's true intentions to harm Casey adds a chilling and intense moment to the scene.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more physical actions or reactions from Casey to further enhance the sense of fear and urgency in the scene.
  • Explore incorporating more sensory details to immerse the audience in Casey's experience, such as describing the sounds of her surroundings or her racing heartbeat.
  • Introduce more internal thoughts or emotions from Casey to provide insight into her mindset and increase the audience's connection with her character.
  • Consider adding a twist or unexpected turn in the conversation to keep the audience engaged and guessing about the man's motives.
  • Experiment with varying the pacing of the scene to create moments of tension and release, keeping the audience on their toes throughout.



Scene 3 - Deadly Trivia
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 9
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 9
CASEY
My boyfriend will be here any second and
he'll be pissed when I tell him...

MAN
I thought you didn't have a boyfriend.

Busted. She holds steady.

CASEY
I lied. I do have a boyfriend and he'll be
here any second and your ass better be
gone.

MAN
Sure...

CASEY
I swear it. And he's big and plays
football and will beat the shit out of
you.

MAN
I'm getting scared.

CASEY
I'm telling you the truth. I lied
before...

MAN
I believe you...

CASEY
So you better leave.

MAN
His name wouldn't be Steve, would it?

Silence. Casey buckles at the knees, losing it.

CASEY
How do you know his name?
MAN
Go to the back door and turn on the porch
light – again.

Casey, terrified, forces herself to move... staggering to the
kitchen... to the glass doors. Her shaky hand finds the light
switch... she hits it. The back yard is lit.

Sitting in a lawn chair in the middle of the backyard is a big,
line backer of a guy, her boyfriend...


STEVE

Tied and gagged. He's been roughed up, but he's alive.


CLOSE ON HIS EYES

Wide in fear... staring at his girlfriend, pleading with her.

CASEY
Oh Goddddd...

Casey SCREAMS. Her hand moves to the lock on the door.

MAN
I wouldn't do that if I were you.

Terror rides Casey's face. She's petrified.

CASEY
Where are you?

MAN
Guess.

Her eyes search the yard, combing bushes, trees. He could be
anywhere-anywhere.

CASEY
(begging)
Please don't hurt him.

MAN
That all depends on you.

CASEY
Why are you doing this?

Tears find their way, streaming down Casey's face.

MAN
I wanna play a game.

CASEY
No...

MAN
Then he dies. Right now.
CASEY
NOOO!

MAN
Which is it?

A long silence. Casey touches the glass... staring at Steve...
this big jock of a guy is crying too.

CASEY
What kind of game?

MAN
Turn off the light.

Her hand goes to the switch... Steve tugs and pulls at his
straps... as if begging her... his face sweat and tears...

CLICK.

He disappears in the darkness. Casey moves away from the glass,
back toward the living room, unbelieving, horrified.

MAN
Here's how we play. I ask a question. If
you get it right Steve lives.

Three curtainless windows line one wall. Casey crouches down
behind the couch, tipping a lamp cord from it's socket, darkening
the room. Her body quivers.

CASEY
Please don't do this...

MAN
Come on. It'll be fun.

CASEY
No... please.

MAN
It's an easy category. Movie trivia.

CASEY
(begging)
... please...

MAN
I'll even give you a warm up question.

CASEY
Don't do this. I can't...

MAN
Name the killer in HALLOWEEN.

CASEY
No...
MAN
Come on. It's you favorite scary movie,
remember? He had a white mask, he stalked
the baby-sitters.

Casey goes silent... a nervous wreck... she can barely speak much
less think.

CASEY
I don't know...

MAN
Come on, yes you do.

CASEY
Please... stop...

Casey is SOBBING.

MAN
What's his name?

CASEY
I can't think.

Casey has officially reached hysteria, petrified beyond all
reality.

MAN
Steve's counting on you.

Suddenly... through tears... Godsent...

CASEY
(a whisper)
Michael... Michael Myers.

MAN
YES!

Casey SIGHS... relieved.

MAN
Now for the real question.

CASEY
NOOOO...

MAN
But you're doing so well.

CASEY
Please go away! Leave us alone!

MAN
Then answer the question. Same category.

Casey is a blubbering, wet mass on the floor.
CASEY
... please... no...

MAN
Name the killer in FRIDAY THE 13TH.

A mad smile purses Casey's lips. She knows this. She leaps up,
through tears, screaming...

CASEY
Jason! Jason!... JASON!

A slight PAUSE.

MAN
I'm sorry. That's the wrong answer.

CASEY
No it's not. It was Jason.

MAN
Afraid not.

CASEY
It was Jason. I saw that godamned movie
twenty times. It was Jason.

MAN
Then you should know Jason's MOTHER.
Mrs.Vorhees was the original killer. Jason
didn't show up until the sequel.

Casey is stupefied.

CASEY
You tricked me...

MAN
Lucky, for you there's a bonus round. But
poor Steve... I'm afraid... he's out.

This implication sends Casey running to the kitchen... to the
glass doors. She flips on the porch lights to see...


STEVE

Eyes wide, sitting in the lawn chair... his belly gaping open... a
mass of blood and ripped flesh... his insides lay on the ground
between his feet... steam rising.
Genres: ["Horror","Thriller"]

Summary In a horrifying confrontation, Casey faces a twisted captor who forces her to play a macabre game of movie trivia to save her boyfriend, Steve. Despite her desperate pleas, the captor ruthlessly executes Steve in front of her eyes, leaving her traumatized and the scene tainted with the gruesome aftermath.
Strengths
  • Intense dialogue
  • High tension
  • Shocking twist
Weaknesses
  • Graphic violence may be disturbing to some viewers
Critique
  • The scene is intense and suspenseful, effectively building tension as Casey is forced to play a deadly game to save her boyfriend's life.
  • The dialogue between Casey and the mysterious man on the phone is engaging and keeps the audience on edge, especially as the man reveals his twisted game.
  • The visual descriptions of Casey's fear and desperation are well portrayed, adding to the overall atmosphere of the scene.
  • The scene effectively conveys the sense of helplessness and terror that Casey experiences, making it a compelling and impactful moment in the script.
  • The twist at the end of the scene, with the gruesome discovery of Steve's fate, adds a shocking and chilling element to the narrative.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more internal monologue or emotional reactions from Casey to further explore her fear and desperation during the game.
  • Try to vary the pacing of the dialogue to create more tension and suspense throughout the scene.
  • Explore different ways to visually depict Casey's increasing panic and terror, perhaps through close-up shots or unique camera angles.
  • Consider adding a moment of hesitation or doubt from the mysterious man to add complexity to his character and motivations.
  • Think about incorporating subtle hints or clues earlier in the script that foreshadow the twist at the end of the scene for a more impactful reveal.



Scene 4 - Casey's Desperate Escape
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 9
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 7
A SCREAM erupts from the bottom of her soul as Casey collapse on
the floor... nearly passing out.

CLOSE ON her face... pale and ghostly white. She SOBS.

MAN
Final question. Are you ready?
She doesn't answer. A long, maddening silence. Casey reaches up
and CLICKS off the light, making Steve go away... wishing,
hoping...

CASEY
... leave me alone... please...

MAN
Answer the question and I will.

Casey is curled up on the floor like an infant, rocking slowly
back and forth.

MAN
What door am I at?

CASEY
What?

MAN
There are two doors to your house. A front
door and a back one. If you answer
correctly you live.

From where Casey sits she can see both front and back doors. She
deliberates... with her last bit of strength she tries to
strategize. Eyeing both, the front door... the back door trying to
decide between the two.

CASEY
Don't make me... I can't... I won't.

MAN
Your call.

In the darkness, Casey crawls to the kitchen counter-she leans up
and grabs a long, sharp knife.

Casey looks around her... she looks down the hall to the front
door... then turns back to the kitchen glass door as it
suddenly...

... SHATTERS TO BITS...

... as a lawn chair come flying through it. Exploding glass sprays
everywhere.

This incites Casey like fire. She springs to her feet... bolting
out of the kitchen as a SHADOW moves quickly through the shattered
doorframe.


ANGLE ON CASEY

Somewhere in the house, back flat against a window, listening to
FEET ON CRACKING GLASS. She turns and unlocks the latch, quietly
sliding it up. She can hear him move through the foyer... to the
front door.
Casey lifts herself up and puts her legs through the window. She
holds the knife in one hand, the phone in the other.

Casey eases out the window, fumbling, dropping the knife back in
the house. She starts to reach for it. Fuck it, she takes off...


EXT. SIDE OF HOUSE

Casey it at the back corner of the house.

MAN
I can hear you. I know you're here.

Casey eases along a narrow path between a tall fence and the side
of the house... going for the front yard. She must pass the three
curtainless windows. She gets to the first one and peeks in...

The FIGURE has pulled open the foyer closet, searching for her.

Casey creeps along, to the next window, she looks in... the Figure
is completely on the other side of the room moving toward the hall
that leads to other parts of the house.

She moves further along the house... squeezing by hedges... to the
third window... she peeks in to the Figure...

STARING BACK AT HER...

His face covered with a ghostly white mask, inches from her... his
eyes piercing through... soulless... Casey SCREAMS BLOODY MURDER
as a hand...

CRASHES through the glass window grabbing hold of her neck... she
beats at him trying to free herself... her nails dig into his
arm... she wrenches from side to side... finally breaking free as
the hands disappear inside the house...


EXT. CORNER OF HOUSE

Casey sails around the corner of the house, eyeing the front door.
It remains closed. Her eyes cover the sprawling country yard when
suddenly...


HEADLIGHTS APPEAR

In the distance, coming down the road towards the house... she
recognizes them instantly. Mom... Dad... she tears off across the
yard toward them... moving like lightning...

The car turns into the driveway... Casey SCREAMS, waving madly,
rushing by a tree as...


THE GHOST MASKED FIGURE APPEARS

Casey stumbles back, catching her balance... the Figure moves on
her, arm poised high... a flash of silver... and Casey is struck,
across the chest. She looks down to see her shirt blossoming
red... a look of bewilderment as she drops to one knee.

The knife rises again... Casey throws her hand forward... the
blade comes down... but it's blocked by the portable phone still
in her hand. She turns staggering to...


EXT. DRIVEWAY

A MIDDLE-AGED COUPLE emerge from the parked car. They move to the
front door completely unaware of what's happening to their
daughter, only feet from them.


EXT. FRONT YARD

Casey stumbles forward... her parents ten feet away... she opens
her mouth to scream but no sound resonates... she is beyond
words... staggering, swaying... the FIGURE moving behind her.


EXT. FRONT DOOR

Her parents approach the door

FATHER
That fish smelled strong.

MOTHER
I told you to send it back.

The father discovers the front door ajar. A puzzled look. Casey is
right behind them with one arm outstretched. If they'd only turn
around...

They enter the house and close the door as...

Casey collapses on the ground, clutching her bloody chest... the
Figure upon her.


INT. FOYER

The father sees straight back into the kitchen... the shattered
patio door.

FATHER
Jesus...

MOTHER
What is it? Where's Casey?

FATHER
(calling out)
Casey? Casey?

In a split second they're both panic stricken. The father begins
searching the house frantically. The mother is hysterical.
EXT. FRONT YARD

CLOSE ON CASEY

She's dragged by her feet through damp soil... the life going fast
from her body... her hand still clutching the phone.
Genres: ["Horror","Thriller"]

Summary Hiding from a masked figure, Casey must answer a question to survive. Failure shatters the door, forcing her to flee with a knife. Dropping it, she tries to escape through a window, but is stabbed by the figure. As her parents arrive home, Casey collapses outside. Unaware of the danger, they enter the house, leaving Casey to be dragged away by the figure.
Strengths
  • Intense suspense
  • High stakes
  • Emotional impact
Weaknesses
  • Some cliched horror tropes
Critique
  • The scene is intense and suspenseful, effectively building tension as Casey is forced to make a life or death decision.
  • The dialogue between Casey and the man on the phone is chilling and adds to the overall sense of fear and urgency in the scene.
  • The visual descriptions are vivid and help create a sense of dread and impending danger, especially with the shattered glass and the appearance of the masked figure.
  • The pacing of the scene is well done, with Casey's frantic actions and the looming threat of the figure keeping the audience on edge.
  • The use of Casey's parents entering the house unknowingly while she is in danger adds an extra layer of tension and tragedy to the scene.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more internal monologue or emotional reactions from Casey to further emphasize her fear and desperation.
  • Explore the possibility of incorporating more sensory details to enhance the atmosphere of the scene, such as sounds of footsteps or the smell of blood.
  • Think about adding a moment of realization or decision-making for Casey before she takes action, to highlight her inner turmoil and resolve.
  • Consider tightening the description of the action sequences to make them more impactful and easier to follow for the reader.
  • Perhaps delve deeper into the relationship between Casey and her parents to heighten the emotional impact of their unknowing presence during her ordeal.



Scene 5 - Casey's Tragic Discovery
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 9
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 7
  • Dialogue: 6
INT. FOYER

Back in the house.

MOTHER
Where is she?

FATHER
Call the police.

The mother moves to the phone in the foyer, picks it up... There
is no dial tone. She jiggles the base.

FATHER
(searching)
Casey? Where are you honey? Call the
police, goddammit.

MOTHER
The phone's dead.

The... the softest... faintest voice is heard...

CASEY
(from phone)
... help me...

MOTHER
She's here, God, I can hear her. Where's
my baby?

The husband returns to the foyer finding his wife clinging to the
phone.

FATHER
Where is she?

MOTHER
I can hear her. Oh Mother of God, I can
hear her.

The father upturns the living room.

FATHER
Casey! Casey!

MOTHER
Not my daughter... not my...

The husband grabs hold of his wife.
FATHER
Get in the car and drive down to the
Mackenzie's.

The other throws the front door open and rushes out... the father
moves through the house when a SCREAM echoes out. That of his
wife. He tears off for the front door.


EXT. FRONT DOOR

The father rushes out the door to find his wife, on her knees,
bent over, retching. His eyes move beyond to a tree in the front
yard... his stomach fails him... his dinner rises... as he bares
witness to the single, most horrifying sight he'll ever see.

That of his only daughter as she hangs from a big oak tree...
strung up... very much dead... her stomach ripped open.

BLACKOUT!

BEGIN MAIN TITLES

FADE IN:


INT. BEDROOM – SAME NIGHT

A teenage girl's room. Neat and pinkish. On the bed, amongst age-
old stuffed animals lie opened school books. The CAMERA PANS to a
desk against the wall where...


SIDNEY PRESCOTT

A young girl of 17, sits, her face glued to the computer monitor
in front of her.


CLOSE ON HER FACE

Sharp and clever with deep, lonely eyes. She's comfortable in a
plain, flannel nightgown.

Her hands are at work, typing feverishly, when suddenly...

CRASH-BOOM!

A noise behind her. She turns abruptly, eyeing an open window
across the room. A SCRATCHING sound. She stands and moves toward
it.


EXT. WINDOW

Sidney sticks her head out the window. The late night wind hits
her face as a SHADOW appears just to the left of her, a hand
reaches out, grabs her and suddenly a FIGURE is on top of her...
Genres: ["Horror","Thriller"]

Summary Array
Strengths
  • Intense atmosphere
  • Shocking twist
  • Emotional depth
Weaknesses
  • Minimal dialogue
Critique
  • The scene is emotionally intense and horrifying, effectively conveying the panic and desperation of Casey's parents as they search for her.
  • The use of sound, such as the faint voice of Casey coming from the phone, adds to the suspense and tension of the scene.
  • The visual imagery of the mother clinging to the phone and the father searching for Casey creates a sense of urgency and fear.
  • The revelation of Casey's fate, hanging from a tree with her stomach ripped open, is a shocking and gruesome image that leaves a lasting impact.
  • The transition from the horrifying discovery of Casey's body to the introduction of Sidney Prescott in her room creates a seamless connection between the two scenes.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more dialogue between the parents to further convey their panic and desperation.
  • Explore the use of lighting and shadows to enhance the eerie atmosphere of the scene.
  • Provide more context or backstory to Casey's character to deepen the emotional impact of her death.
  • Consider incorporating subtle hints or foreshadowing to build suspense leading up to the shocking reveal of Casey's fate.
  • Ensure a smooth transition between the intense and emotional tone of Casey's storyline and the introduction of Sidney Prescott in the following scene.



Scene 6 - Midnight Rendezvous
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 7
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 8
INT. BEDROOM

Sid SCREAMS... pulling away from the figure... breaking free,
falling back onto the floor.

VOICE (O.S.)
Hey... it's just me.

Sid looks up to see...


BILLY LOOMIS

A young, strapping boy of seventeen. Handsome and alluring. A star
quarterback/ class president type of guy. He sports a smile that
could last for days.

SIDNEY
Billy? What the...

BILLY
I'm sorry. Don't hate me.

SIDNEY
What are you doing here?

BILLY
You sleep in THAT?

Billy pulls himself through the window.

SIDNEY
(whispering)
My dad's in the other room.

BILLY
I'll only stay a sec.

Suddenly...

The bedroom door BURSTS open. The doorknob catches on the open
closet door behind it jamming it, holding it in place.

VOICE
(from behind door)
What's going on in there?

Billy quickly rolls out of sight behind the bed. Sidney unjams the
door to reveal...

MR. PRESCOTT, late 40's, a severe presence. A distracted man,
nervous and pre-occupied.

MR. PRESCOTT
Are you okay?

SIDNEY
Can you knock?
MR. PRESCOTT
I heard screaming.

SIDNEY
No you didn't.

MR. PRESCOTT
No? Oh, well... I'm hitting the sack. My
flight leaves first thing in the morning.
Now the expo runs all weekend so I won't
be back til Sunday. There's cash on the
table and I'll be staying at the Raleigh
Hilton...

SIDNEY
... out at the airport...

MR. PRESCOTT
... so call if you need me.

SIDNEY
Got it.

He gives the bedroom a quick once over.

MR. PRESCOTT
I coulda swore I heard screaming.

Sidney distracts him, giving him a peck on the cheek.

SIDNEY
Have a good trip.

MR. PRESCOTT
Sleep tight, sweetie.

He gives her a wink and pulls the door closed. Billy reappears.

BILLY
Close call.

SIDNEY
What are you doing here?

Billy takes a flying leap and lands on the bed.

BILLY
It just occurred to me that I've never
snuck through your bedroom window.

SIDNEY
Now that it's out of your system.

BILLY
And I was home, bored, watching
television, THE EXORCIST was on and it got
me thinking of you.

SIDNEY
Oh it did?
BILLY
Yeah, it was edited for TV. All the good
stuff was cut out and I started thinking
about us and how two years ago, we started
off kinda hot and heavy, a nice solid "R"
rating on our way to an NC-17. And how
things have changed and, lately, we're
just sot of... edited for television.

SIDNEY
So you thought you could sneak in my
window and we would have little bump-
bump.

BILLY
No, no. I wouldn't dream of breaking your
underwear rule. I just thought we might do
some on top of the clothes stuff.

She snuggles up next to him, planting a kiss on his lips.
Passionate and gentle. He, however, reacts like a shark, moving on
top of her, his hands everywhere as he presses into her... Sidney
breaks away.

SIDNEY
Time to go, stud bucket.

Billy sits up. His heart isn't racing... it's POUNDING.

BILLY
See what you do to me.

Sweat has popped out all over his forehead, his breathing heavy.

SIDNEY
You know what my dad will do to you?

BILLY
I'm going... I'm going.

He moves to the window. She follows, motioning to his wound.

SIDNEY
I appreciate the romantic gesture.

She gives him a kiss goodnight. Sweet and simple.

BILLY
(whisper)
Hey... about the sex stuff. I'm not trying
to rush you. I was only half serious.

She kisses him again as he eases through the window.

SIDNEY
Would you settle for a PG-13 relationship?

BILLY
What's that?
She pulls her flannel gown open for a split second... flashing her
left breast. His mouth drops open... surprise, shock. Their eyes
meet. They share a smile.

SIDNEY
Get outa here.
Genres: ["Horror","Thriller","Teen"]

Summary Sidney is startled by her boyfriend Billy sneaking into her bedroom through the window. They share a flirtatious conversation before her father interrupts. Billy hides while Sidney distracts her father, and then they continue their conversation. Despite Billy's romantic advances, Sidney sets boundaries. The scene ends with Billy leaving through the window after a sweet moment with Sidney.
Strengths
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Well-developed characters
  • Tension-building
  • Surprising twist
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development in this specific scene
Critique
  • The scene lacks a sense of urgency and tension considering the circumstances. The interaction between Sidney and Billy feels too casual and light-hearted given the danger she is in.
  • The dialogue between Sidney and Billy, while attempting to be flirtatious and romantic, comes off as awkward and forced. The transition from a serious situation to a romantic moment feels abrupt and unrealistic.
  • The character of Billy's sudden change in behavior from casual conversation to intense physical advances is jarring and doesn't feel authentic to the situation.
  • The pacing of the scene is inconsistent, with moments of tension quickly dissipating with light-hearted banter. This disrupts the overall tone of suspense and danger that should be present.
  • The visual elements of the scene could be enhanced to create a more ominous and threatening atmosphere, especially considering the presence of the mysterious figure outside.
Suggestions
  • Consider revising the dialogue between Sidney and Billy to make it more realistic and reflective of the danger she is facing. Focus on building tension and suspense through their interaction.
  • Work on the character development of Billy to ensure his actions and dialogue align with the gravity of the situation. His sudden shift in behavior should be more nuanced and believable.
  • Adjust the pacing of the scene to maintain a consistent level of tension and suspense throughout. Avoid abrupt shifts in tone that detract from the overall atmosphere of danger.
  • Enhance the visual elements of the scene to create a more ominous and threatening environment. Utilize lighting, sound effects, and camera angles to heighten the sense of danger and urgency.
  • Consider adding more layers to the interaction between Sidney and Billy to deepen their relationship and add complexity to their dynamic, especially in the face of imminent danger.



Scene 7 - A Nightmare Begins
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 8
INT. SIDNEY'S BEDROOM – EARLY MORNING

CLOSE ON SIDNEY snuggling her pillow, sleeping peacefully when...

THE RADIO ALARM BLASTS from the night table loud enough to wake
the dead. Sidney bolts up.

DISC JOCKEY
(from radio)
... found brutally murdered...

CLICK. Sidney, quick with the reflexes, shuts it off instantly. A
car trunk SLAMS shut outside.

Sidney pulls herself out of bed and leans to the window just in
time to see her Dad jumping in his car. She half waves down at him
but he doesn't see her. He's as good as gone, pulling out of the
driveway and disappearing down the road.

A moment as Sidney stands at the window, staring out after him.


EXT. SCHOOL – MORNING

CLOSE ON A SIGN

"BAYBORO HIGH SCHOOL. HOME OF THE FIGHTING BULLDOGS"

THE CAMERA PULLS BACK TO REVEAL a picture perfect small town
school. Old and charming. Students come and go, moving about.
Nothing unusual, except for the...

... six police cars, four news vans, flashing cameras, and crowds
and crowds of lookie-loo's gathered just off campus.


EXT. SIDEWALK

Sidney approaches the school seeing the commotion. Four different
REPORTERS stand in front of four different cameras giving four
different news reports.

She moves passed a policeman standing guard. Her interest peaked,
she stops at the first reporter who is...


GALE WEATHERS

Thirties. He smart face is overshadowed by a flashy smile and a
massive mane of chemically enhanced hair.
GALE
(for the camera)
The small town of Bayboro, North Carolina
was devastated last night when two young
teenagers were found brutally butchered.
Authorities have yet to issue a statement
but our sources tell us that no arrest has
been made and the murderer could strike
again...


ON SIDNEY

Moved, disturbed. From behind, a finger taps her shoulder. She
spins around to see...

Tatum Riley, same age, feisty, carefree.

TATUM
Do you believe this shit?

SIDNEY
What happened?

They break away from the crowd and head for school.

TATUM
Oh God! You don't know? Casey Becker and
Steve Forrest were killed last night.

SIDNEY
No way.

TATUM
And not just killed, Sid. We're talking
splatter movie killed-split open end to
end.

SIDNEY
Casey Becker? She sits next to me in
English.

TATUM
Not anymore. Her parents found her hanging
from a tree. Her insides on the outside.

SIDNEY
Do they know who did it?

TATUM
Fucking clueless-they're interrogating the
entire school. Teachers, students, staff,
janitors...

SIDNEY
They think it's school-related?
TATUM
They don't know. Dewey said this is the
worst crime they've ever seen. Even worse
than...
(stopping herself)
Well it's bad. They're bringing in the
feds. This is big.

Sidney looks back at Gale, her face deeply pained.


INT. CLASSROOM – LATER

A frumpy old woman, MRS. TATE, faces her class. Her hands clasped
together. A tragic look upon her face.

MRS. TATE
... a terrible tragedy. An unbearable
loss. It's days like today we need prayer
in school...

Sidney sits near the rear of the room. The desk in front of her
sits vacant. Sidney can't take her eyes of it.

The door opens and a student opens with a slip of paper. He hand s
it to Mrs. Tate.

MRS. TATE
Sidney. It appears to be your turn.
Genres: ["Horror","Thriller","Mystery"]

Summary Sidney wakes to the news of brutal murders, including her classmate Casey Becker. At school, tension and fear spread as Mrs. Tate calls on a shaken Sidney to speak in class.
Strengths
  • Effective establishment of tone
  • Compelling dialogue
  • Strong emotional impact
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development
  • Lack of action or suspense in the immediate scene
Critique
  • The scene starts with a strong visual of Sidney waking up to a radio alarm, setting the tone for the day ahead. However, the transition from Sidney's bedroom to the school could be smoother to maintain the flow of the scene.
  • The introduction of the news report about the murders adds an element of suspense and sets the stage for the conversation between Sidney and Tatum. However, the dialogue between them feels a bit exposition-heavy and could be more natural.
  • The interaction between Sidney and Tatum provides important information about the murders and their impact on the school community. However, the dialogue could be more nuanced to reflect the emotional weight of the situation.
  • The classroom scene with Mrs. Tate discussing the tragedy feels a bit cliched and could benefit from more subtle storytelling to convey the emotional impact on Sidney and the rest of the students.
  • Overall, the scene effectively sets up the central conflict and establishes the tone of suspense and tragedy. However, there is room for improvement in the dialogue and character interactions to make the scene more engaging and emotionally resonant.
Suggestions
  • Consider refining the transition between Sidney's bedroom and the school to maintain the momentum of the scene.
  • Focus on creating more natural and nuanced dialogue between Sidney and Tatum to convey the emotional weight of the murders.
  • Explore ways to make the classroom scene with Mrs. Tate more subtle and emotionally resonant, avoiding cliches.
  • Work on enhancing the character interactions to make the scene more engaging and impactful for the audience.
  • Continue to build on the suspenseful tone and tragic elements of the scene while refining the storytelling for a more compelling narrative.



Scene 8 - Police Question Sidney
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 7
  • Dialogue: 7
INT. PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE

The room is at capacity... wall to wall with police, and the
likes. Some sit, stand, lean...

SHERIFF BURKE, a round man in his fifties, wipes the stress from
his face.

SHERIFF BURKE
Who's up next?

A young officer looks at the clipboard. This is DEPUTY RILEY,
better known as DEWEY. He's a big guy, 20's, handsome in a
scrubbed-clean boyish way.

DEWEY
Sidney Prescott.

Sheriff Burke gestures to bring her in. PRINCIPAL HIMBRY, 50's, an
old codger of a man wearing a sour face speaks up.

MR. HIMBRY
Sidney Prescott. She was daughter of...

DEWEY
We all know Sidney, Mr. Himbry.

SHERIFF BURKE
How she doin'?
MR. HIMBRY
She's adjusted well. Maintains an "A"
average. You never know she...

Himbry stops short, seeing Sidney in the doorway. He rises and
seats her.

SHERIFF BURKE
Hi Sidney.

SIDNEY
Sheriff Burke. Dewey.

Dewey shakes his head seriously.

DEWEY
It's Deputy Riley today, Sid.

SHERIFF BURKE
How is everything?

SIDNEY
Good.

SHERIFF BURKE
And your Dad? How's he doing?

SIDNEY
We're fine. Thanks.

MR. HIMBRY
We'll be brief, Sidney. The police have a
few questions they'd like to ask you...

Sidney eyes them all nervously.
Genres: ["Horror","Thriller","Mystery"]

Summary Sidney Prescott is questioned about her father's death by Sheriff Burke, Deputy Riley, and Principal Himbry in the principal's office. She answers questions about her well-being before the group prepares to question her further.
Strengths
  • Tension-building
  • Character dynamics
  • Emotional impact
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development
  • Some cliched dialogue
Critique
  • The scene lacks tension and suspense, which is crucial for a thriller screenplay. The dialogue is straightforward and lacks depth, missing an opportunity to build intrigue and engage the audience.
  • The character interactions feel flat and lack emotional depth. There is a missed opportunity to explore Sidney's internal turmoil and fear in the presence of law enforcement and authority figures.
  • The scene could benefit from more visual cues and descriptions to create a sense of atmosphere and tension. The setting of a crowded principal's office with police officers could be utilized to heighten the suspense.
  • The dialogue feels too formal and lacks authenticity. It doesn't capture the urgency and fear that should be present in a scene where a young girl is being questioned by the police in the aftermath of a series of murders.
  • The scene lacks a sense of urgency and stakes, which are essential elements in a thriller screenplay. The pacing is slow and doesn't keep the audience on the edge of their seats.
Suggestions
  • Add more subtext and tension to the dialogue to create a sense of unease and suspense. Explore Sidney's internal thoughts and emotions to make the scene more engaging.
  • Introduce visual cues such as close-ups of Sidney's nervous gestures, the tense expressions of the police officers, and the claustrophobic atmosphere of the crowded room to enhance the mood.
  • Consider adding a twist or unexpected revelation during the questioning to keep the audience guessing and maintain their interest.
  • Inject more conflict and drama into the interactions between the characters to make the scene more dynamic and engaging.
  • Work on tightening the pacing of the scene to build momentum and keep the audience invested in the unfolding events.



Scene 9 - Schoolyard Accusations
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 7
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 9
EXT. SCHOOL COURTYARD – LATER

Students sit at outdoor tables eating lunch. Crowded at one table
is the "gang". This consists of Sidney, Billy and Tatum.

Next to Tatum, sits her boyfriend STUART, with his arm draped
across her back. He's a Billy wannabe. Almost the jock, almost
handsome, almost cool. He tries way to hard.

Across the table is the fifth wheel, RANDY. A tall and gangly kid
with no such Billy-like aspirations. A witty jokester who elevates
geek to coolness.

TATUM
Hunt? Why would they ask if you like to
hunt?

STU
I don't know, they just did.

RANDY
Because their bodies were gutted.
Sidney flinches.

BILLY
Thanks Randy.

TATUM
They didn't ask me if I like to hunt.

STU
Because there's no way a girl could have
killed them.

TATUM
That is so sexist. The killer could easily
be female – BASIC INSTINCT.

RANDY
That was an ice pick. Not exactly the
same.

STU
Yeah, Casey and Steve were completely
hollowed out. Takes a man to do something
like that.

TATUM
Or a man's mentality.

SIDNEY
(quiet, almost to herself)
How do you gut someone?

All eyes turn to Sidney. A serious silence. And then:

STU
You take a knife and slit from the groin
to the sternum.

Sidney shivers down to her soul. The whole table rolls their eyes
at Stu.

STU
What? She asked.

BILLY
It's called tact, you fuckrag.

STU
Sorry.

RANDY
Remember in JAWS when they caught the
wrong shark at first and Richard Dreyfuss
cut it open to look foe body parts and all
they found was a licence plate and all
this white milky goo.

Stu leans over and socks Randy in the arm.
STU
You heard Billy. Shut the fuck up.

SIDNEY
Hey, Stu? Didn't you use to date Casey?

Stu's taken back, a little off guard.

STU
For about two seconds.

RANDY
Before she dumped him foe Steve.

Tatum turns to Stu, surprised.

TATUM
I thought you dumped her for me.

STU
I did. He's full of shit.

RANDY
And are the police aware you dated the
victim?

STU
(offended)
What are you saying? That I killed her or
something?

RANDY
It would certainly improve your high
school Q.

TATUM
Stu was with me last night.

RANDY
Oooooh... before or after he sliced and
diced.

TATUM
Fuck you, nut case. Where were you last
night?

RANDY
Working, thank you.

TATUM
I thought Blockbuster fired you.

RANDY
Twice.

STU
I didn't kill anybody.

BILLY
No one's saying you did.
RANDY
Besides.
(perfect Stu mimic)
"Takes a man to do something like that."

STU
I'm gonna gut your ass in a second.

RANDY
(to Stu)
Did you really put her liver in the
mailbox? I hear they found her liver in
the mailbox.

TATUM
(eyeing Sidney)
Randy, you goon-fuck, I'm eating here.

Stu nibbles at Tatum's neck.

STU
Yeah, Randy, she's getting mad. I think
you better liver alone.

Stu cracks up at his own joke. The others just MOAN. Sidney is
about to crawl out of her skin, trying hard to ignore it all.


EXT. SIDNEY'S HOUSE – LATER

A huge two story country home with a spacious lawn.

A yellow school bus stops in front of the house and Sidney steps
off.

The house looks big and lonely as Sidney moves up the walk to the
front door.
Genres: ["Horror","Thriller","Mystery"]

Summary Amidst the bustling school courtyard, the gang uneasily discusses the town's recent murders. Suspicions fly as Randy confronts Stu about a past connection to a victim. Tatum and Billy attempt to calm the escalating tension. Sidney's discomfort intensifies as the accusations linger unresolved. The scene ends with Stu's grim joke, leaving an atmosphere of unease.
Strengths
  • Sharp dialogue
  • Mix of genres
  • Character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Some insensitive comments
  • Lack of character development
Critique
  • The dialogue in this scene feels forced and unnatural at times, especially with the insensitive and inappropriate comments made by the characters.
  • The tone of the conversation shifts abruptly from casual lunchtime banter to dark and disturbing topics, which can be jarring for the audience.
  • The character dynamics and interactions seem superficial and lack depth, making it difficult for the audience to connect with them on a meaningful level.
  • The scene lacks subtlety and nuance in addressing the sensitive subject matter of the recent murders, resulting in a lack of emotional impact.
  • There is a lack of character development and growth within the scene, with the interactions feeling stagnant and repetitive.
Suggestions
  • Consider revising the dialogue to make it more realistic and organic, focusing on developing authentic character voices.
  • Introduce more nuance and subtlety in addressing the dark subject matter, allowing for a more gradual build-up of tension and emotion.
  • Work on deepening the character relationships and interactions to create more engaging and relatable dynamics.
  • Explore opportunities for character growth and development within the scene, allowing for more meaningful arcs and connections with the audience.
  • Consider adding layers to the conversation by incorporating subtext and underlying emotions to enhance the complexity of the scene.



Scene 10 - A Night of Comfort and Fear
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 7
  • Dialogue: 7
INT. BEDROOM – LATER

Sidney is on the telephone.

SIDNEY
(into phone)
You sure I can stay over? My dad won't be
back til Sunday.

TATUM
(through phone)
No prob. I'll pick you up after practice.

SIDNEY
Tell your mom I said thanks.

TATUM
Yeah, yeah... are you okay?
SIDNEY
Uh-huh, it's just... you know, the police
and reporters... it brings it all back.

TATUM
I'll be there by seven. I promise

SIDNEY
Thanks, Tatum.

TATUM
Later.

Sidney hangs up. She takes a seat at her computer and boots it up.
She sits in front of it staring at the blue screen... her own
reflection staring back.


INT. LIVING ROOM – LATER

Sidney comes down the stairs, her arms carrying a change of
clothes, toothbrush, make-up...

She opens the hall closet and pulls a small overnight bag from the
top shelf. Moving into the living room she loads it up, plopping
down on the sofa, hitting the TV remote.


CLOSE ON THE SCREEN

A news reporter fades in.

REPORTER #1
(on TV)
The entire nation was shocked today by the
teen murders in North Carolina...

Sidney switches channels.

REPORTER #2
The State Bureau of Investigation has
joined forces with local authorities to
help catch what the Governor has called
the most heinous...

The channel switches again. Gale weathers appears, standing in
front of the school. Her white teeth gleaming.

GALE
This is not the first time the small town
of Bayboro has endured such tragedy. Only
a year ago, Maureen Prescott, wife and
mother, was found raped and murdered...

An old black and white snapshot fills the screen-a woman,
beautiful and familiar.
CLOSE ON SIDNEY

Eyes frozen, mesmerized by the image. Suddenly she CLICKS the TV
off. Her eyes go to the clock on the end table. 5:45 PM. Her eyes
then move to the framed photo next to it... the same black and
white photo stares at her... a healthy, vibrant woman. An older
version of Sidney.

Sidney curls up on the sofa closing her eyes tight...
Genres: ["Horror","Thriller","Mystery"]

Summary Sidney, haunted by memories of her mother's and recent murders, seeks refuge at her friend Tatum's house. While packing, she encounters images of her mother on the TV and clock, triggering her distress. Overwhelmed, she retreats to the sofa, seeking solace in slumber.
Strengths
  • Building tension
  • Creating a sense of dread
  • Exploring character emotions
Weaknesses
  • Some elements of the scene may be predictable
Critique
  • The scene effectively sets up Sidney's emotional state and the tension she is feeling due to the police and reporters surrounding her house, bringing back memories of the past murders.
  • The use of the TV news reports and Gale Weathers' coverage adds to the atmosphere of fear and unease, especially with the mention of Sidney's mother's murder.
  • The visual of Sidney staring at her own reflection on the computer screen symbolizes her internal struggle and the weight of her past trauma.
  • The scene effectively builds suspense and sets the stage for the upcoming events in the story.
  • The transition from the previous scene with Sidney stepping off the school bus to this scene at home is seamless and helps maintain the continuity of the narrative.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more internal monologue or dialogue to further explore Sidney's emotions and thoughts about her mother's murder and the recent events.
  • Introduce more subtle visual cues or symbols to enhance the theme of fear and paranoia, such as shadows or reflections.
  • Explore different camera angles or lighting techniques to create a more visually engaging scene.
  • Consider incorporating a subtle sound design to enhance the tension and atmosphere of the scene.
  • Ensure that the pacing of the scene aligns with the overall pacing of the screenplay and maintains the audience's interest.



Scene 11 - Terrifying Phone Call and Closet Attack
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 9
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 7
  • Dialogue: 8
INT. LIVING ROOM – LATER

The clock on the end table reads 7:15 PM. Sidney is fast asleep on
the couch. The phone RINGS. Sidney leaps up grabbing the portable
phone.

TATUM
(from phone)
Practice ran late. I'm on my way.

SIDNEY
(eyes clock)
It's past seven.

TATUM
Don't worry. Casey and Steve didn't bite
it til way after ten.

SIDNEY
I'm not worried.

TATUM
Good, 'cause I wanna swing by BLOCKBUSTER
and get us a video. I was thinkin' Tom
Cruise in ALL THE RIGHT MOVES. You know,
if you pause it just right you can see his
penis.

SIDNEY
Whatever. Just hurry.

TATUM
Bye.

She hangs up the phone. It immediately RINGS again.

SIDNEY
(into phone)
Tatum?

MAN'S VOICE
(from phone)
Hello, Sidney.

IT'S HIM. THE VOICE FROM BEFORE.

SIDNEY
Hi. Who is this?
MAN
You tell me.

Sidney thinks, trying to place his voice. It sounds a little
distorted.

SIDNEY
I have no idea.

MAN
Scary night, isn't it? With the murders
and all, it's like right out of a horror
movie or something.

SIDNEY
Aha, Randy, you gave yourself away. Are
you calling from work? Tatum's on her way
over.

MAN
Do you like scary movies, Sidney?

SIDNEY
I like that thing you're doing with your
voice, Randy. It's sexy.

MAN
What's your favorite scary movie?

SIDNEY
Don't start. You know I don't watch that
shit.

MAN
And why is that?

SIDNEY
(playing along)
Because they're all the same. It's always
some stupid killer stalking some big
breasted girl, who can't act, who always
runs up the stairs when she should be
going out the front door. They're
ridiculous.

A brief silence.

MAN
Are you alone in the house?

SIDNEY
That is so unoriginal. You disappoint me,
Randy.

MAN
Maybe that's because I'm not Randy.

SIDNEY
So who are you?
MAN
The question is not who am I. The question
is where am I?

SIDNEY
So where are you?

MAN
Your front porch.

This gives her pause. She moves to the window and pulls aside the
drapes.

SIDNEY
Why would you call me from my front porch?

MAN
That's the original part.


ANGLE THROUGH WINDOW

She can't quite see all of the porch.

SIDNEY
Oh yeah? Well I call your bluff.

Sidney goes to the front door. She unlocks the bolt, unsnags the
chain, and pulls the door open... revealing the front porch...

COMPLETELY EMPTY.

She steps out onto it, phone still in hand. A single light shines
overhead illuminating the porch, but little beyond. Darkness is
all around.

SIDNEY
So where are you?

MAN
Right here.

Sidney peers out into the darkness past thick shrubs that grow on
either side of the porch.

SIDNEY
Can you see me right now?

MAN
Uh-huh.

SIDNEY
What am I doing?

She sticks her finger up her nose, pretending to pick. Silence. No
answer.

SIDNEY
Good try, Randy. Tell Tatum to hurry. Bye
now.
MAN
If you hang up, you'll die just like your
mother.

Sidney stops dead in her tracks, speechless.

MAN
(deadly)
Do you want to die, Sidney? Your mother
didn't.

His seriousness unnerves her. Sid flies off the handle.

SIDNEY
FUCK YOU! YOU CRETIN!

She hangs up on him. Moves back inside the house. Locks, chains,
and bolts the door when...


A FIGURE COMES LEAPING OUT OF THE HALL CLOSET

Rushing her, ramming into her side... the phone flies... the
Figure is on top of her as she goes down... SCREAMING...

She looks up to see the Figure, darkly dressed with a pale,
distorted face, white and ghostly... a mask.

Her instincts surface and she kicks up with her foot making the
contact with his leg... he topples over... coming right at her,
his hand finding her neck. Suddenly, along, silver blade appears
above her.

Sidney pulls, jerks, twists... finally she lifts her torso forward
knocking the Figure off her... sending him reeling into the living
room. Wasting no time, Sidney leaps to her feet.

She moves to the front door, unlocks it... pulls it open... it
catches on the chain. Shit! She pushes it closed again looking
behind her...the Figure has risen, knife in hand.

Sidney pulls on the chain and then inexplicably turns and...

RUNS UP THE STAIRS. The Figure right behind her.
Genres: ["Horror","Thriller"]

Summary While home alone, Sidney receives a horrifying phone call from a stranger referencing her mother's murder. Despite dismissing it initially, she realizes the caller's true intentions. Suddenly, a masked figure leaps from her closet, forcing Sidney to fight for her life and flee upstairs with the relentless killer in pursuit.
Strengths
  • Building tension
  • Creating fear and suspense
  • Intense chase sequence
Weaknesses
  • Some cliched horror tropes
Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension and suspense through the phone call interaction between Sidney and the mysterious man, creating a sense of unease and fear.
  • The use of the empty front porch and the dark, shadowy figure leaping out of the hall closet adds to the atmosphere of horror and danger.
  • The physical confrontation between Sidney and the Figure is well-described, with clear action and movement that keeps the scene engaging.
  • The revelation of the Figure wearing a mask adds a chilling element to the scene, heightening the sense of threat and mystery.
  • The dialogue between Sidney and the man on the phone is intense and gripping, adding to the suspense of the scene.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more sensory details to enhance the atmosphere, such as describing the sounds of Sidney's rapid heartbeat or the creaking of the floorboards as the Figure approaches.
  • Provide more insight into Sidney's emotions and thoughts during the confrontation to deepen her character development and increase the reader's connection to her.
  • Explore the Figure's motives and background further to add depth to the antagonist and create a more complex dynamic between the characters.
  • Consider incorporating more visual cues to enhance the tension, such as shadows moving in the darkness or flickering lights adding to the sense of danger.
  • Continue to escalate the stakes and suspense throughout the scene to keep the audience on the edge of their seats and maintain a high level of intensity.



Scene 12 - Scream: Home Invasion Nightmare
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 9
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 7
  • Dialogue: 7
INT. UPSTAIRS LANDING

The Figure leaps at Sidney taking hold of her foot, she grabs
madly at the wall... her hands grasp a framed painting, a quiet
country home, subdued colors, done in oils-she rips it from the
wall swinging it behind her...

It catches the Figure head on, smashing against his skull, sending
him backwards, tumbling down the stairs. Sidney races to her
bedroom...
INT. BEDROOM

She locks the door shut, the pulls her closet door open, placing
the edge right at the door knob just as...

THE FIGURE POUNDS AGAINST THE BEDROOM DOOR...

... ramming it, it rips open, but the closet door catches it in a
crazy vice-like hold.

Sidney grabs the desk phone. It's dead... off the hook downstairs.

The figure rushes the door several times... the frame splinters...
but won't give.

Sidney is at her computer, she punches at the keypad madly.


CLOSE ON SCREEN AS WORDS APPEAR

"FAX MODEM

9-1-1 SEND"

The knife slashes through the crack in the door wildly.


ON SCREEN AGAIN

"HELP KILLER

34 ELM ST"

Sidney presses "SEND" when it occurs to her-all is quiet. The
Figure is gone. A fearful silence. She looks around... the only
sound her own rapid, terrified BREATHING.


ON THE SCREEN

"Stay calm. Police enroute."

Suddenly a NOISE at the window... Sidney looks up to see...


BILLY

Her boyfriend, staring at her, surprised.

SIDNEY
Oh Billy... Please... God...

BILLY
I heard screaming. The door was locked.
Are you okay...

SIDNEY
He's here. He's trying to kill me...
Billy pulls himself through the window. As he does, a small black
object falls from his dark jeans. It hits the floor as Sidney eyes
it... a sleek, compact cellular phone.

Sidney stops in her tracks. Their eyes meet... an eternity. A
SIREN is heard in the distance. Sidney bolts...

BILLY
Hey... wait... what's goin...

Billy reaches for her. Sidney unblocks the bedroom door and tears
out of the room.


INT. LANDING

Sidney nearly falls down the stairs...


INT. FOYER

She rips the chain off the door, pulls it open, coming face to
face with a white, ghostly mask.

A massive SCREAM erupts from her gut as...

THE CAMERA PULLS BACK to find Dewey-Deputy Riley, holding it. Red
lights flash, sirens BLAST vas car after car surrounds the house.

Sidney falls into the safety of Dewey's arms.
Genres: ["Horror","Thriller"]

Summary In a terrifying ordeal, Sidney fights against a masked Figure, barricading herself in her bedroom. When the Figure is revealed to be her boyfriend Billy, she flees, discovering his guilt through a dropped cell phone. Deputy Dewey arrives with the police, arresting Billy and saving Sidney from the deadly home invasion.
Strengths
  • Intense suspense
  • Unexpected twists
  • Strong emotional impact
  • High stakes
Weaknesses
  • Some cliched horror tropes
Critique
  • The scene is filled with tension and suspense, which is great for a horror screenplay. However, there are some moments that could be enhanced to increase the impact on the audience.
  • The use of the framed painting as a weapon is a creative and unexpected choice, adding a unique element to the scene. This helps to keep the audience engaged and surprised.
  • The visual description of the scene is well done, creating a sense of fear and urgency. The use of the computer screen to show Sidney's actions adds a modern and realistic touch to the scene.
  • The introduction of Billy at the window is a good twist, adding another layer of suspense and uncertainty. The reveal of the cell phone falling from his pocket is a clever way to hint at his involvement in the situation.
  • The ending of the scene with Sidney falling into Dewey's arms provides a moment of relief and safety after the intense confrontation with the Figure. This helps to balance out the tension and give the audience a moment to breathe.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more internal thoughts or emotions for Sidney during the confrontation with the Figure to deepen her character development and increase the audience's connection with her.
  • Explore ways to build up the suspense even further, perhaps by adding more obstacles or challenges for Sidney to overcome before reaching safety.
  • Think about incorporating more dialogue or interaction between Sidney and Billy to heighten the tension and reveal more about their relationship and motivations.
  • Consider adding a subtle hint or clue earlier in the scene that foreshadows Billy's involvement, to create a sense of dramatic irony for the audience.
  • Ensure that the pacing of the scene is consistent, with a good balance of action, description, and character development to keep the audience engaged throughout.



Scene 13 - Aftermath of the Attack
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 7
EXT. FRONT YARD – MINUTES LATER

The yard is a whirlwind of activity. An ambulance, squad cars,
cops everywhere...


CLOSE ON BILLY'S FACE

As it SMASHES against the hood of a police car. His hands are
being cuffed, his rights being read.

BILLY
(screaming)
I didn't do anything! Sid... where's Sid?
Ask her, she'll tell ya...

Dewey holds a car door open as Sheriff Burke steps out.

DEWEY
We got him, Sheriff. Billy Loomis.

SHERIFF BURKE
Hank Loomis' kid? Aw... Jesus...

DEWEY
He's her boyfriend.

They approach Billy as he's being placed in a squad car.
BILLY
Sheriff... I didn't do it... please, call
my Dad...please...

The squad car disappears with Billy as another car comes to a stop
in front of the house. Tatum gets out, freaked beyond belief.

Back to the Sheriff and Dewey as they storm across the yard.

DEWEY
I was first to respond.

SHERIFF BURKE
What were you doing out here?

DEWEY
Drive by patrol.

SHERIFF BURKE
How is she?

DEWEY
She's tough.

SHERIFF BURKE
Have to be. The shit she's gone through.

Across the yard sits Sidney, in the back of an ambulance as
PARAMEDICS check her out.

Sheriff Burke and Riley approach.

SHERIFF BURKE
We're seeing a lot of you today.

She tries to smile but fails.

DEWEY
You gonna be able to come down to the
station and talk to us a bit?

SIDNEY
... yeah...

Tatum appears, barreling past an OFFICER.

TATUM
What happened? Oh God...

Tatum rushes to her, grabbing hold of her.

DEWEY
(to Tatum)
What are you doing here?

TATUM
Oh, God, Sid, I'm sorry I was late.
DEWEY
You can't be here, Tatum. This is an
official crime scene.

SIDNEY
It's okay. She was supposed to pick me up.

TATUM
Her dad's out of town. She's staying with
us.

DEWEY
Does mom know?

TATUM
Yes, you doofus.

Two news vans come driving up the street.

SHERIFF BURKE
The vultures are coming. Let's get you out
of here.


EXT. STREET

A big, white news van comes to a stop in front of the house. The
side door slides open and Gale Weathers hops out just in time to
see Sidney being escorted to a squad car.

GALE
I'll be damned.

Jumping from the driver's seat is KENNY, Gale's cameraman and
flunky. An earnest young chap on the chubby side.

KENNY
What? What?

GALE
Jesus! The camera-hurry!

But it's too late. Sidney is as good as gone. Gale sees Tatum
moving quickly to her car.

GALE
Excuse me?

Tatum looks up to see Gale Weathers rushing her.

GALE
Was that Sidney Prescott they took away?

TATUM
I don't know.

Tatum hops in her car, ignoring her.

GALE
What happened to her?
TATUM
I'm not talking to you.

Tatum's car peels out as Kenny comes running up with his camera.

KENNY
Where'd she go?

Gale spins around, flashing her pearly whites.

GALE
Look, Kenny, I know you're about fifty
pounds overweight but when I say hurry
please interpret that as... MOVE YOUR FAT
TUB OF LARD ASS NOW!

Gale moves back to the van leaving Kenny miffed.


INT. POLICE STATION

A small town station. The bull pen is a little square room with
four desks and tonight. It's hopping. Cops everywhere.


INT. SHERIFF'S OFFICE

Sidney sits at a desk drinking a cup of water. She wears the
Sheriff's jacket over her shoulders. Dewey approaches.

SIDNEY
Did you reach my Dad?

DEWEY
You're sure it was the Hilton?

SIDNEY
At the airport.

DEWEY
He's not registered. Could he have gone to
another hotel?

SIDNEY
I don't know. I guess.

DEWEY
We'll find him, Sid. Don't worry.

Sidney stares blankly, numb.
Genres: ["Horror","Thriller","Mystery"]

Summary In the chaotic aftermath of a traumatic event, police apprehend Billy Loomis while paramedics tend to Sidney Prescott. Tatum arrives, distraught, as Billy protests his innocence and Sidney is taken away in an ambulance. Gale Weathers attempts to gather information from Tatum but is met with silence. Inside the police station, Sidney remains withdrawn while Sheriff Burke and Deputy Dewey try to comfort her.
Strengths
  • Intense suspense
  • Strong character development
  • Emotional impact
  • High stakes
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue could be more nuanced
  • Limited exploration of secondary characters
Critique
  • The scene opens with a chaotic front yard filled with police and paramedics, which sets the tone for the aftermath of the intense events that have just unfolded. This chaotic setting effectively conveys the aftermath of the dramatic events that have taken place.
  • The dialogue between Billy, Dewey, and Sheriff Burke adds depth to the scene by revealing key information about Billy's arrest and his relationship with Sidney. However, Billy's repetitive pleas of innocence could be toned down to avoid feeling repetitive.
  • The interaction between Tatum and Sidney adds a layer of emotional depth to the scene, showing Tatum's concern for Sidney's well-being. This dynamic could be further explored to enhance the emotional impact of the scene.
  • The arrival of Gale Weathers and her cameraman, Kenny, introduces a new element of conflict and tension, as Gale's relentless pursuit of a story clashes with Tatum's protective instincts towards Sidney. This conflict could be further developed to create more dramatic tension.
  • The transition to the police station provides a shift in setting and tone, moving from the chaotic front yard to a more controlled environment. This transition could be smoother to maintain the momentum of the scene.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more variety to Billy's dialogue to avoid it feeling repetitive and one-note.
  • Explore the dynamic between Tatum and Sidney further to enhance the emotional impact of their interaction.
  • Develop the conflict between Gale Weathers and Tatum to create more dramatic tension and add depth to their characters.
  • Smooth out the transition between the chaotic front yard and the police station to maintain the momentum of the scene.
  • Consider adding visual cues or actions to enhance the intensity and emotional depth of the scene.



Scene 14 - Interrogation and Confrontation
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 8
INT. SHERIFF'S OFFICE

Billy sits opposite Sheriff Burke. Next to Billy, sits his father,
HANK LOOMIS, an older version of Billy.

SHERIFF BURKE
What are you doing with a cellular
telephone, son?
MR. LOOMIS
It's my phone. He was just playing around
with it.

SHERIFF BURKE
You got some ideas of playing around, boy.

BILLY
I didn't call anyone with it. I just took
it for fun.

MR. LOOMIS
Everybody's got one now. Why don't you
check the phone bill for chrissakes. Call
my carrier AirFone Comp. They'll have
records of every number dialed.

SHERIFF BURKE
Thank you, Hank. We're on it. What were
you doing out at Sidney's tonight?

BILLY
I just wanted to see her, that's all.

SHERIFF BURKE
You rode your bike out there?

BILLY
Yes, sir.

SHERIFF BURKE
And last night? Sidney said you crawled
through her window last night too?

MR. LOOMIS
(surprised)
You were out last night?

BILLY
I watched TV for awhile but the I felt
like going for a bike ride.

SHERIFF BURKE
Did you ride past Casey Becker's house?

BILLY
No, I didn't. I didn't kill anyone,
Sheriff.

SHERIFF BURKE
We're gonna have to keep you, Billy. The
governor's got SBI, FBI, and god knows who
else on their way down here.

Billy fights tears.

BILLY
This is crazy. I didn't do it.

Sheriff Burke eyes him up and down, very carefully.
INT. POLICE BULL PEN – MINUTES LATER

Tatum has joined Sidney. The sheriff's door opens and Billy is led
out by a coupla UNIFORMS. Burke and Dewey appear in the door
watching Tatum comfort Sidney.


OUT OF EAR SHOT

DEWEY
That ghost mask is sold at both Kroger's
and WalMart. Neither of which keep
purchase records.

SHERIFF BURKE
What about the cellular phone bill?

DEWEY
They're pulling Loomis' account. But it'll
be morning before we see something. You
think he did it?

SHERIFF BURKE
Twenty years ago I woulda said not a
chance. But these kids today... damn if I
know.

TATUM (O.S.)
Hey... Dewey. Can we go now?

DEWEY
Hold up a sec...

SHERIFF BURKE
She staying with you?

DEWEY
We haven't located her Dad yet.

TATUM (O.S.)
Goddammit, Dewey!

Dewey turns to her, his face red.

DEWEY
What did Mama tell you? When I wear this
badge you treat me like a man of the law.

TATUM
I'm sorry, Deputy Dewey-boy but we're
ready to go.

SHERIFF BURKE
Use the back way. Avoid the circus.
EXT. POLICE STATION – SIDE DOOR

The door opens and Sidney, Tatum, Dewey, and a coupla OFFICERS
exit avoiding the horde of REPORTERS that can be seen around the
corner waiting anxiously at the front entrance.

DEWEY
I'll get the car. Wait here.

Dewey takes off. From the darkness of the alley, Gale Weathers
appears with Kenny and his camera. They've been waiting.

GALE
Hello Sidney.

Sidney spins around to see Gale, standing, smiling at her.
Sidney's body tightens and her face goes taut.

GALE
Some night. Are you alright?

Their eyes meet in cold familiar stare. Sidney says nothing. She's
visibly shaking.

GALE
What happened?

TATUM
She's not answering any questions. Just
leave us alone, okay?

SIDNEY
It's okay, Tatum. She's just doing her
job. Right, GALE?

GALE
Yes, that's right.

Dewey, in a squad car, turns into the alley and pulls up. The
other news people have wisened up. They begin to flock the alley.

SIDNEY
How's the book?

GALE
It'll be out later this year.

Sidney tries to contain herself...squeezing a clenched fist.

SIDNEY
I'll look for it.

GALE
I'll send you a copy.

In a blurred, unexpected instant, Sidney brings her fist forward,
SMASHING it hard into Gale Weathers's face. The impact sends Gale
reeling backwards, knocking into Kenny as they both tumble to the
pavement.
ON SIDNEY

... breathing deep, a sense of satisfaction on her face.
Genres: ["Horror","Thriller","Mystery"]

Summary In the police station, Sheriff Burke questions Billy Loomis about his involvement in the attacks on Sidney Prescott. Billy denies any wrongdoing, claiming he was merely playing with Sidney's phone and riding his bike. Sheriff Burke and Deputy Dewey discuss the possibility of Billy being the killer. Meanwhile, Tatum Riley comforts Sidney, who is still shaken from the events. Gale Weathers and her cameraman, Kenny, confront Sidney for an interview, but Sidney becomes enraged and punches Gale in the face. Dewey arrives with a squad car to take Sidney and Tatum away from the reporters.
Strengths
  • Intense suspense
  • Strong character dynamics
  • Twists and revelations
  • Emotional impact
Weaknesses
  • Potential for excessive violence
  • Complexity of plot may be overwhelming for some viewers
Critique
  • The scene lacks a sense of urgency and tension considering the gravity of the situation. The dialogue feels a bit flat and lacks emotional depth, especially during the interrogation of Billy by Sheriff Burke.
  • The interaction between the characters, especially Sidney and Gale, feels forced and lacks authenticity. The confrontation between them should have been more intense and emotionally charged.
  • The transition between scenes could be smoother to maintain the flow of the narrative. The shift from the police station to the alley with Gale Weathers feels abrupt and disjointed.
  • The physical action in the scene, such as Sidney punching Gale, lacks proper build-up and justification. The impact of the punch should have been more impactful and justified within the context of the story.
  • The scene could benefit from more visual descriptions to enhance the atmosphere and mood. Setting the tone with vivid imagery can help immerse the audience in the story.
Suggestions
  • Add more tension and suspense to the dialogue between Billy and Sheriff Burke to heighten the stakes of the interrogation.
  • Focus on developing the emotional conflict between Sidney and Gale to make their confrontation more impactful and believable.
  • Smooth out the transitions between scenes to maintain a cohesive narrative flow.
  • Build up the physical confrontation between Sidney and Gale to make the punch more justified and impactful.
  • Enhance the visual descriptions in the scene to create a more immersive and engaging experience for the audience.



Scene 15 - The Threatening Call
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 9
INT. TATUM'S BEDROOM – LATER

A spacious bedroom. Typical. Tatum and Sidney lay on the bed. They
both wear night shirts.

TATUM
God, I loved it. "I'll send you a copy."
BAM! Bitch went down. "I'll send you a
copy." BAM! Sid – SuperBitch!

Dewey appears in the doorway holding a bag of ice.

DEWEY
I thought you might want some ice for that
right hook.

Sidney sits up, takes the ice, and puts it on her hand.

DEWEY
I'll be right next door. Try to get some
sleep.

Dewey moves back out the door.

SIDNEY
Any word on my Dad?

DEWEY
(turning to her)
Not yet, but we're looking. If you need
anything...

TATUM
Yeah, yeah, yeah...

Dewey smiles, pulling the door closed on his way out. Sidney lies
back down.

SIDNEY
Just another sleepover at the Riley's.

TATUM
Just like old times, ain't it?

SIDNEY
No, nothing's like it used to be.

Sidney rolls over at her side, away from Tatum.

A telephone RINGS somewhere in the house.

TATUM
Do you really think Billy did it?
SIDNEY
He was there, Tatum.

TATUM
I knew this guy was too perfect. He was
destined to have a flaw.

A KNOCK at the door. It opens and a friendly, graying woman pops
in. This is MAMA RILEY. She wears a comforting smile.

MAMA RILEY
Telephone, dear.

TATUM
Who is it?

MAMA RILEY
It's for Sid

SIDNEY
My Dad?

Mama Riley shakes her head sadly.

TATUM
Take a message.

SIDNEY
It's alright. I'll get it.

Sidney takes off out the door. Mama Riley motions to Tatum.

MAMA RILEY
(whispers)
How is she?

Tatum shrugs.


INT. HALLWAY

Sidney grabs the phone at the end of the hall.

SIDNEY
Hello?

MAN
(from phone)
Hello Sidney.

IT'S HIM. The CAMERA does a Hitchcock as Sidney's entire body goes
weak... his VOICE moving through her... invading her. She CRIES
OUT.

SIDNEY
NOOOOOO...

Mama Riley turns in the doorway. Tatum comes bolting out of the
bedroom.
MAN
(from phone)
Poor Billy-boyfriend. An innocent guy
doesn't stand a chance with you.

SIDNEY
LEAVEMEALONE!

MAN
Looks like you fingered the wrong guy...
again.

SIDNEY
Who are you?

TATUM
Hang up, Sid.

MAN
Don't worry. You'll find out soon enough.
I promise.

Mama Riley BEATS on a closed bedroom door.

MAMA RILEY
Dewey! Dewey!

MAN
This is gonna be fun, Sidney. Just like
old times.

CLICK.

Dewey flies out of his room wearing only his boxers... holding his
gun.

DEWEY
What? What?

The phone goes dead. Sidney stands frozen.


EXT. BAYBORO MAIN STREET – DAWN – ESTABLISHING

The morning sun shines high over Bayboro Townsquare. Cars come to
life, townsfolk stir as the picture postcard community awakens
from a restless sleep.
Genres: ["Horror","Thriller","Mystery"]

Summary Sidney receives a threatening phone call while at Tatum's house. The caller tells her that she fingered the wrong guy, leaving Sidney shaken. Dewey, Tatum's brother, comes out of his room with a gun to investigate the situation.
Strengths
  • Intense dialogue
  • Effective tension-building
  • Shocking revelation
  • Emotional impact
Weaknesses
  • Some cliched elements in the dialogue
Critique
  • The scene lacks tension and suspense, which is crucial for a thriller/horror screenplay. The dialogue between Tatum and Sidney feels too casual and lacks the urgency and fear that should be present in a scene where Sidney is being threatened over the phone by the killer.
  • The transition from a light-hearted conversation to the intense phone call with the killer is abrupt and could be smoother to build up the suspense effectively.
  • The actions of Mama Riley and Tatum in response to Sidney's distress seem too passive and could be more realistically portrayed to heighten the sense of danger and urgency in the scene.
  • The reveal of the killer's voice on the phone could be more impactful with a stronger build-up and reaction from Sidney. The tension should be palpable in this moment to engage the audience and create a sense of dread.
  • The scene lacks visual cues and descriptions that could enhance the atmosphere and tension. Adding more visual elements to convey the fear and suspense would make the scene more engaging.
Suggestions
  • Consider rewriting the dialogue between Tatum and Sidney to make it more tense and reflective of the danger Sidney is in. Add more urgency and fear in their interactions.
  • Work on the pacing of the scene to create a gradual build-up of tension leading to the phone call with the killer. Smooth out the transition between the casual conversation and the intense moment.
  • Enhance the reactions of Mama Riley and Tatum to Sidney's distress to make the scene more realistic and impactful. Their responses should reflect the gravity of the situation.
  • Revise the reveal of the killer's voice on the phone to make it more chilling and suspenseful. Build up the tension leading to this moment and focus on Sidney's reaction to convey the fear she is experiencing.
  • Add more visual descriptions to set the tone and atmosphere of the scene. Use visual cues to enhance the suspense and create a sense of impending danger.



Scene 16 - Morning Mayhem
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 7
INT. KITCHEN – MORNING

Sidney and Tatum sit at the kitchen table, dressed and ready for
school as Mama Riley serves up breakfast. A small television sits
on the counter BLARING.

Dewey, in uniform, stands near the door, talking on the phone.

MAMA RILEY
I think you girls really should stay home
today.
TATUM
Your objection is duly noted.

SIDNEY
I'd rather be around a lot of people, Mama
Riley.

From the TV, Sidney hears her name, "SIDNEY PRESCOTT..." All eyes
go to the television.

REPORTER
(on TV)
... who escaped a vicious attack last
night was the daughter of Maureen Prescott
who was brutally killed last year when
convicted murderer Cotton Weary...

INSERT of COTTON WEARY, in prison fatigues. A once handsome man,
now haggard and worn.

REPORTER (CONT'D)
... broke into their home and savagely
raped and tortured the deceased. Cotton
Weary is currently awaiting appeal for the
death sentence handed down after the young
Sidney testified against him. She was the
key witness in the state's prosecution...

SIDNEY
It's never gonna stop. Is it?

Dewey is off the phone.

DEWEY
Billy was released. His cellular bill was
clean. He didn't make those calls.

SIDNEY
Somebody called me, Dewey. I'm not making
it up.

DEWEY
I know. We're checking every cellular
account in the county. Any calls made to
you or Casey Becker are being cross-
referenced. It's gonna take time but we'll
find him.

SIDNEY
And my Dad? Any word on him?

Riley shakes his head "no".


EXT. SCHOOL STREET – LATER

Once again, REPORTERS line the street attacking students as they
make their way to school, asking questions, hungry for that
teenage insight.
Dewey's patrol jeep cruises by. Sidney watches from the
passenger's window.


INT. PATROL CAR

Dewey pulls up in front of the school. Tatum hops out while Sid
lingers, suddenly unsure. Dewey takes notice.

DEWEY
Hey, it's school. You'll be safe here.

Sidney forces herself out of the jeep as a microphone is shoved in
her face...

REPORTER
How does it feel to almost be brutally
murdered?

Dewey leaps from the car, intercepting the reporter.

DEWEY
Leave the girl alone, will ya? She wants
to go to school.

Sidney eyes the newsvan that's pulled up behind her. The side door
slides open and Gale Weathers steps out.

TATUM
Come on, Sid.

SIDNEY
Just a sec... I need to talk to someone.

She heads over to Gale.
Genres: ["Horror","Thriller","Mystery"]

Summary Following a reported attack on Sidney, the media descends upon her school. Amidst the chaos, Dewey assures her of their investigation, but Sidney remains fearful. Gale Weathers, a relentless reporter, arrives on the scene, adding to the pressure.
Strengths
  • Effective tension-building
  • Strong emotional impact
  • Revealing key information
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue could be more nuanced
  • Certain plot points may feel predictable
Critique
  • The scene starts with a strong sense of tension and unease, which is effectively conveyed through the dialogue and actions of the characters.
  • The use of the television news report to provide exposition about Sidney's past and the ongoing threats she faces is a clever way to build suspense and add depth to the story.
  • The interaction between Dewey, Sidney, and Mama Riley helps to establish the relationships between the characters and their concerns for Sidney's safety.
  • The reporters' intrusion at the school street adds to the sense of invasion and vulnerability that Sidney feels, highlighting the media's insensitivity towards traumatic events.
  • The introduction of Gale Weathers adds a new dynamic to the scene, creating a sense of conflict and potential danger for Sidney.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more internal thoughts or emotions for Sidney to further explore her fear and anxiety about the ongoing threats she faces.
  • Try to balance the exposition provided through the news report with more subtle ways of revealing information about Sidney's past and the current situation.
  • Explore the relationship between Sidney and Gale Weathers further to create more tension and conflict in their interactions.
  • Consider adding more visual cues or descriptions to enhance the atmosphere and mood of the scene, such as the reactions of the reporters or the body language of the characters.
  • Continue to build on the suspense and tension by gradually escalating the threats and challenges that Sidney faces, keeping the audience engaged and on edge.



Scene 17 - Sidney Confronts Gale
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 9
EXT. NEWSVAN – STREET

Sidney, puts her head down, hiding her face... avoiding other
reporters as she makes her way to...

Gale who sits in the open door, checking her face in a mirror.
Makeup tries hard to hide Sid's handwork-a swollen black and blue
right cheek.

Gale spots Sidney immediately and leaps to her feet.

GALE
Stop right there.

Sidney throws her hands up in surrender.

SIDNEY
I'm not here to fight.

GALE
Just stay back.
SIDNEY
I want to talk to you.

GALE
(calling into the van)
Kenny. Camera. Now.

Kenny's head darts out from the van.

SIDNEY
Off the record. No cameras.

GALE
Forget it.

Sidney contains herself.

SIDNEY
Please. You owe me.

GALE
I owe you shit.

Gale moves inside the van. But Sidney is relentless.

SIDNEY
You owe my mother.

GALE
Your mother's murder was last year's
hottest court case. Somebody was gonna
write a book about it.

SIDNEY
And it had to be you with all your lies
and bullshit theories.

GALE
What is your problem? You got what you
wanted. Cotton Weary is in jail. They're
gonna gas him. A book is not gonna change
that.

SIDNEY
Do you still think he's innocent?

Gale's interest is peaked. She eyes Sidney suspiciously.

GALE
He was convicted in a court of law. Your
testimony put him away. It doesn't matter
what I think.

SIDNEY
During the trial, you did all those
stories about me. You called me a liar.

GALE
I think you falsely identified him. Yes.
SIDNEY
Have you talked to Cotton?

GALE
Many times.

SIDNEY
Has his story changed?

GALE
Not one word. He admits to having sex with
your mother but that's all.

SIDNEY
He's lying. She wouldn't have touched him.
He raped her, then butchered her. Her
blood was all over his coat.

GALE
He was drunk that night. He left his coat
at your house, after your mother seduced
him...

SIDNEY
I saw him leaving wearing it.

GALE
But couldn't it have been someone else you
saw wearing that coat? The same person who
planted it in Cotton's car, framing him?
The same person who really killed your
mother?

A long beat. Sidney considers this for the millionth time.

SIDNEY
No, Cotton murdered my mother.

But there's doubt in her voice. Gale's face lights up.

GALE
You're not so sure anymore, are you?

Sidney clams up.

SIDNEY
No, it was Cotton.

Tatum comes waltzing up.

TATUM
(to Gale)
Nice welt.

Gale ignores her, zeroing in on Sidney, half realizing.

GALE
The killer is still on the loose, isn't
he? These murders are related.
TATUM
Yo let's rock.

Sidney starts to fidget.

SIDNEY
I'm sorry I mangled your face.

She take off with Tatum. Gale calls after her.

GALE
Wait, Sidney, don't go...

But Sidney and Tatum have already disappeared in the crowd of
students moving across campus.

Gale looks to Kenny.

GALE
Jesus Christ! An innocent man on death
row. A killer still on the loose. Kenny,
tell me I'm dreaming.

KENNY
You want to go live?

Gale's mind races with possibilities.

GALE
No, not so fast. We have nothing concrete.

KENNY
When did that ever stop you? You can't sit
on this. This is huge.

GALE
If I'm gonna blow this up-I need hard
proof.

KENNY
But it's so much easier when we make it
up.

GALE
Not this time. I owe Cotton that much.
Hell, even I thought that man was guilty.
Genres: ["Horror","Thriller","Mystery"]

Summary In a tense confrontation, Sidney confronts Gale about the true nature of Cotton Weary's innocence and the possibility of a still-at-large killer. Gale initially dismisses Sidney's claims but realizes the potential for a major story as she faces the ethical implications of potentially exonerating an innocent man.
Strengths
  • Intense dialogue
  • Complex character dynamics
  • Revealing new information
Weaknesses
  • Limited physical action
  • Some repetitive dialogue
Critique
  • The scene is heavy on exposition and dialogue, which can make it feel a bit static and slow-paced.
  • There is a lot of back-and-forth dialogue between Sidney and Gale, which can be overwhelming for the audience.
  • The conversation between Sidney and Gale feels a bit forced and lacks natural flow.
  • The scene lacks visual elements and relies heavily on dialogue to convey information.
  • The emotional intensity of the scene could be heightened with more dynamic interactions and visual cues.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more visual elements to break up the dialogue and make the scene more engaging.
  • Focus on creating more natural and organic dialogue that flows seamlessly between the characters.
  • Introduce more action or movement to keep the scene visually interesting and dynamic.
  • Explore ways to convey the emotional depth of the characters through their actions and reactions, rather than just dialogue.
  • Consider trimming down the dialogue to keep the scene concise and impactful.



Scene 18 - Campus Chaos
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 7
  • Characters: 7
  • Dialogue: 6
EXT. SCHOOL CAMPUS – SECONDS LATER

Tatum and Sidney make their way across campus.

TATUM
Just relax. You're at school now. No one
can get you here.

SIDNEY
But if it wasn't Billy it could be
anybody. He could be here at school right
now.
They move up the walk as a FIGURE falls in step behind them,
sporting a WHITE GHOST MASK.

TATUM
Serial killers are smart by definition.
They minimize their risk. They plan and
pre-calculate everything. Showing up here
would be the most lame-brain move he could
make.

SIDNEY
He promised me he'd be back.

As easy as the figure appeared, it disappears-falling out of site,
unseen by either of them.

TATUM
I wouldn't put too much stock in a
psycho's promise.

They move up the front steps toward the main doors of the school
as the Ghost Masked Figure reappears... standing at the top of the
steps... Sidney sees it first, stopping dead in her tracks.

She steps back, spinning around to find...

A GHOST FACE behind her as well, both of them approaching, closing
in on her. Sidney starts to SCREAM when the two ghosts bust up
LAUGHING, tearing off across campus.


EXT. STREET

In front of the school we catch up a REPORTER doing a live remote.
He holds a mask in his hand.

REPORTER
This morning several students, in what
appears to be a prank, have been spotted
wearing masks. School officials have yet
to comment but this is the same type of
mask worn by the killer...


INT. HALLWAY – MINUTES LATER

Just before the bell. The hallway is congested with students
heading to class. Tatum is at her locker with Sidney.

SIDNEY
This is a mistake. I shouldn't be here.

TATUM
I want you to meet me here right after
class, okay?

Billy appears in the crowd, with Stu tagging behind. Tatum spots
him first.
TATUM
Shit, what is he doing here?

SIDNEY
I bet he's pissed.

TATUM
Just ignore him. You had good reason to
think what you did.

Billy and Stu approach. Billy's face is solemn.

BILLY
Hi, Sid. Can we talk a sec?

Sidney says nothing. She can barely look at him. Tatum intervenes.

TATUM
You know if I were accused of carving up
two people, I'd take the opportunity to
skip school.

STU
Hey, go easy, Tatum. He didn't do it.

BILLY
Talk to me, Sid.

Suddenly, a SCREAM erupts. All eyes go to a GHOST MASKED STUDENT
running down the hall, screaming wildly, running amuck.

SIDNEY
Why are they doing this?

STU
Are you kidding? This is like Christmas.

Billy punches Stu in the side.

STU
Owwww...

BILLY
You open your mouth and stupidity pours
out.

STU
Sorry.

Sidney, clearly upset, takes off down the hall. Billy races off
after her.

TATUM
(yelling)
Stay away from her, Billy.

Tatum SLAMS her locker door shut as the bell RINGS.
Genres: ["Horror","Thriller","Mystery"]

Summary Sidney and Tatum encounter masked figures, increasing Sidney's fear of the killer's presence at school. Amidst the chaos, Billy attempts to talk to Sidney, but Tatum intervenes. A masked student runs through the hallway, causing confusion and leading Sidney to flee, pursued by Billy.
Strengths
  • Building tension and suspense
  • Introducing a new threat
  • Creating a chilling atmosphere
Weaknesses
  • Some predictable character reactions
  • Limited character development in this scene
Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear sense of tension and suspense, which is crucial for a thriller/horror screenplay.
  • The dialogue between Tatum and Sidney feels a bit forced and unnatural, lacking depth and authenticity.
  • The appearance of the Ghost Masked Figure behind Tatum and Sidney is predictable and lacks a sense of real danger.
  • The interaction between Billy, Stu, Tatum, and Sidney feels a bit cliched and lacks depth in character development.
  • The transition from the Ghost Masked Figure prank to the hallway scene is abrupt and could be smoother to maintain the flow of the story.
Suggestions
  • Add more suspenseful elements to the scene to create a sense of impending danger and keep the audience on edge.
  • Work on developing more nuanced and realistic dialogue between Tatum and Sidney to make their conversation feel more authentic and engaging.
  • Consider introducing a twist or unexpected turn of events with the appearance of the Ghost Masked Figure to add a layer of unpredictability to the scene.
  • Focus on deepening the character dynamics between Billy, Stu, Tatum, and Sidney to make their interactions more compelling and multi-dimensional.
  • Smooth out the transition between the prank with the Ghost Masked Figure and the hallway scene to maintain a cohesive and engaging narrative flow.



Scene 19 - Tension in the Hallway
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 9
INT. CORRIDOR – SECONDS LATER

With first period underway, the halls have cleared. One or two
struggling students can be seen rushing to class.

Sidney moves quickly down the hall, rounding a corner, running
smack into...


BILLY

They collide hard catching Sidney off guard, scaring the life out
of her. She falls backwards, but Billy catches her fall.

SIDNEY
Jesus, SHIT!

BILLY
Hey, hey, it's just me.

Sidney pulls away from him quickly. Billy feels the slight.

BILLY
What? You don't still think it's me?

Sidney catches her breath.

SIDNEY
No... I don't... it's just... Oh God,
Billy, someone was there, someone tried to
kill me.

BILLY
The police say I scared him off. It wasn't
me, Sid.

SIDNEY
I know. He called again last night at
Tatum's house.

BILLY
See, it couldn't have been me. I was in
jail, remember?

SIDNEY
I'm so sorry... please understand.

BILLY
Understand what? That I got a girlfriend
who would rather accuse me of being a
psychopathic killer than touch me.

SIDNEY
You know that's not true.

BILLY
Then what is it? Is there somebody else?

SIDNEY
No...
BILLY
Is it the sex thing? Am I being too pushy?

SIDNEY
No, it's me, Billy. I need time. I'm still
adjusting to my mom.

BILLY
It's been a year since she died.

SIDNEY
(correcting him)
Tomorrow. One year tomorrow.

BILLY
When are you gonna let that go, Sid? When
my mom left my dad – I just accepted it.
This is the way it is. She's not coming
back.

SIDNEY
(sharply)
Your parents split up. It's not the same
thing. Your mom left town, she's not in a
coffin somewhere.

BILLY
You have to move on, Sid.

Sidney starts to walk away but turns back, angry.

SIDNEY
I'm glad to know you're coping so well
with life, Billy. But some of us aren't so
perfect. Some of us are just trying to
hold on.

Sidney disappears through a door marked GIRL'S BATHROOM, leaving
Billy alone in the hallway. He SMACKS his forehead, pissed at
himself.
Genres: ["Horror","Thriller","Drama"]

Summary Sidney bumps into Billy in an empty school hallway and reveals her suspicions about the killer. Billy is hurt and frustrated with Sidney's lack of trust. Sidney asks for time and space due to her mother's anniversary, leading to a heated exchange. The scene ends with Sidney entering the girl's bathroom, leaving Billy upset and alone.
Strengths
  • Intense dialogue
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
Weaknesses
  • Some cliched dialogue
  • Predictable character interactions
Critique
  • The scene lacks a sense of urgency and tension considering the high stakes and the ongoing threat to Sidney's life.
  • The dialogue between Sidney and Billy feels somewhat forced and lacks depth, especially given the emotional weight of the situation.
  • The interaction between Sidney and Billy could benefit from more subtext and nuance to convey the complex emotions they are experiencing.
  • The transition from Tatum yelling at Billy to the bell ringing feels abrupt and disrupts the flow of the scene.
  • There is a missed opportunity to delve deeper into Sidney's emotional turmoil and trauma, which could add layers to her character and the overall narrative.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more suspense and tension to the scene by emphasizing the imminent danger Sidney is facing.
  • Work on developing the dialogue between Sidney and Billy to make it more authentic and reflective of their emotional states.
  • Explore the underlying emotions and conflicts between Sidney and Billy to add depth and complexity to their relationship.
  • Smooth out the transition between Tatum's confrontation with Billy and the bell ringing to maintain the scene's momentum.
  • Take the opportunity to delve into Sidney's internal struggles and trauma to enhance her character development and the overall impact of the scene.



Scene 20 - Bathroom Encounter
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 9
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 7
  • Dialogue: 8
INT. GIRL'S BATHROOM

Large and spacious. Closed bathroom stalls line one wall facing a
row of sinks and a huge mirror. Sidney enters as TWO GIRLS tinkle
and talk – each from their respective stalls.

GIRL #1
She was never attacked. I think she made
it all up.

GIRL #2
Why would she lie about it?

GIRL #1
For attention. The girl has some serious
issues.

Sidney listens intently.
A toilet FLUSHES. Sidney quickly jumps in a stall, hiding, just as
GIRL #1 appears from a stall. She looks like that voice – a snotty
little twit.

GIRL #1
What if she did it? What if Sidney killed
Casey and Steve?

GIRL #2
And why would she do that?

GIRL #1
Maybe she was hot for Steve and killed
them both in a jealous rage.

Another toilet FLUSHES.

GIRL #2
Why would Sidney want to be with Steve?
She has her own bubble-butt boyfriend
Billy.

GIRL #1
Maybe she's a slut just like her mom.


INSIDE THE STALL

Sidney listens. Her face weakening.

GIRL #2
You're evil.

GIRL #1
Please, it's common knowledge. Her mother
was a trollop.

GIRL #2 appears from her stall – another twit. They both stand in
front of the mirror adjusting two snotty faces.

GIRL #2
Cut some slack. She watched her mom get
butchered.

GIRL #1
And it fucked her up royally. Think about
it. It makes perfect sense. Her mom's
death leaves her distraught and hostile at
a cruel and inhumane world, she's
disillusioned, where's God, etc.
Completely suicidal. And one day she
snaps. She wants to kill herself but
realizes teen suicide is out this year.
And homicide is a much healthier
therapeutic expression.

From the stall, Sidney listens, her heart pounding, jaw quivering.

GIRL #2
Where do you get this shit?
GIRL #1
Ricki Lake.

The two girls exit. Sidney moves out of the stall, catching her
reflection in the mirror.

SIDNEY
Pathetic.

Water DRIPS somewhere from a leaky pipe as wind WHISTLES in from
the cracked transom above the bathroom door. It sound almost like
a whisper, "Siddneey... "

Sidney spins around. What the... She checks out the bathroom. The
doors to the stalls are all closed. She bends down and scans
beneath them, looking for feet. No one. Nothing.

Sidney turns back to the mirror. Suddenly...

MAN
(O.S. whisper)
Siddneey...

Unmistakable this time. The VOICE strikes Sidney like a nail
through the eye. It comes from one of the stalls. She stands
thunderstruck, eyeing the stalls thru the mirror.

SIDNEY
Is someone there?

A long, morose silence. And then:

MAN
(softly, simply)
It's me, Sidney.

Sidney spins around. Fuck no! HE'S HERE. Terror floods her face.
She eyes the exit door, then the row of stalls she must pass to
get to it.

She checks under the stalls again. Nothing... where the fuck is
he? She takes a step forward when...

TWO FEET step down from a toilet onto the floor in the last stall.
Sidney's face draws tight as the stall door begins to CREAK open.
She bolts forward, making a break for it... but slips on the wet
floor... her feet flying out from under...

Sidney reaches out... grabs hold of a sink... saves herself from
falling... she glimpses a GHOST MASK in the mirror coming for her.
A hand grabs her shoulder as she SLAMS her body through the exit
door... narrowly escaping.


INT. CORRIDOR – CONTINUOUS

Sidney flies out of the bathroom door SCREAMING... burning up the
hallway, not looking back. A TEACHER, hearing her SCREAM, peer out
from an open doorway... as Sidney sprints by him, not stopping...
running madly.
INT. PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE – CONTINUOUS

CLOSE on a red-faced Principal Himbry as he reads someone the riot
act.

MR. HIMBRY
I'm sickened. Your whole havoc-inducing,
thieving, whoring generation disgusts me.

The CAMERA SWINGS AROUND to reveal two GHOST MASKED STUDENTS
standing at attention. Mr. Himbry rips the mask off of one of the
student's heads.

MR. HIMBRY
Two students have been savagely murdered.
And this is how we express our compassion
and sensivity?

He rips the mask off the other student.

MR. HIMBRY
We throw on a mask and dance around campus
just hoping someone else gets butchered
before we get bored again. You're both
expelled.

The Ghosts doth protest...

GHOST #1
Aw, come on, Mr. Himbry, it was just a
joke.

GHOST #2
Yeah, that's not fair.

A deep rooted hostility has taken over Mr. Himbry's face. Neither
student budges, scared to even breathe.

MR. HIMBRY
No, it's not fair. Fairness would be to
rip your insides out and hang you from a
tree so you can be exposed for the
desensitized, heartless little shits that
you are.

Suddenly the door BURSTS open and Sidney appears, hysterical.

SIDNEY
(crying)
He's here... I saw him... he's here...

Mr. Himbry rushes to her, arms outstretched.

MR. HIMBRY
Easy child.

Sidney collapses in his arms.
Genres: ["Horror","Thriller","Mystery"]

Summary Sidney overhears cruel rumors about her and fears for her life. She is confronted by a masked figure and screams.
Strengths
  • Effective use of setting to create tension
  • Strong emotional impact on the audience
  • Compelling dialogue that enhances the suspense
Weaknesses
  • Some cliched horror tropes like the ghost mask
Critique
  • The scene in the girl's bathroom effectively builds tension and suspense through the dialogue of the two girls gossiping about Sidney, creating a sense of unease for the audience.
  • The use of the leaking water and whistling wind in the background adds to the eerie atmosphere of the scene, enhancing the feeling of isolation and vulnerability for Sidney.
  • The introduction of the masked figure whispering Sidney's name creates a chilling moment of terror, heightening the suspense and fear for both Sidney and the audience.
  • The physical action of Sidney slipping on the wet floor and narrowly escaping the masked figure adds a sense of urgency and danger to the scene, keeping the audience on the edge of their seats.
  • The transition from the bathroom to the corridor with Sidney running in panic effectively conveys her fear and desperation, creating a sense of chaos and danger in the school environment.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more internal monologue or reactions from Sidney to further explore her emotions and mindset during the intense situation.
  • Enhance the visual descriptions of the masked figure and the setting to create a more vivid and immersive experience for the audience.
  • Explore the aftermath of the scene on Sidney's character development and how it impacts her relationships with other characters in subsequent scenes.
  • Consider incorporating more sensory details like sounds, smells, and physical sensations to further engage the audience and enhance the atmosphere of the scene.
  • Focus on building suspense and tension through pacing and dialogue to keep the audience engaged and invested in Sidney's journey.



Scene 21 - Flirting with Danger
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 7
  • Dialogue: 7
EXT. SCHOOL STREET – MINUTES LATER

Dewey's patrol jeep is parked in front of the school. He stands in
the open driver's door talking on the radio.

SHERIFF BURKE
(from radio)
She's okay. Looks like some boys were
teasing her. Himbry's shutting down the
school though. I want you to take look
around.

DEWEY
Yes, sir, sheriff.

Dewey shuts the jeep door and heads for campus when Gale Weathers
appears, her fake face aglow.

GALE
Hi! Gale Weathers. Field Correspondent,
INSIDE STORY.

DEWEY
I know who you are, ma'am. How's the eye?

GALE
Productive. So they're closing down the
school?

DEWEY
Well... uh... yes ma'am. For the time
being.

Dewey heads for the school building. Gale scurries along side him
flirtatiously.

GALE
And why is that? Has something happened?

DEWEY
You're not supposed to be here, ma'am.

GALE
I know, I should be in New York covering
the Sharon Stone stalker but who knew?
Please, call me Gale. You look awfully
young to be a police officer.

Dewey's eyes wander down to Gale's long legs, the way her hips
move as she walks... he's clearly distracted.

DEWEY
I'm twenty-five years old, ma'am.
GALE
Twenty-five, huh? In a demographic study I
proved to be most popular amongst males,
11-24. I just missed you. Of course, you
don't look a day over twelve, except in
the upper torso area. Does the force
require that you work out?

Dewey looks away, blushing a bit.

DEWEY
No, ma'am. Because of my boyish good
looks, muscle mass has increased my
acceptance as a serious police officer.

They approach the school's front entrance. Suddenly, Mr. Himbry's
VOICE in amplified through intercoms across campus via the PA
system. They stop to listen.

MR. HIMBRY
(via PA)
"Your attention please. Due to the recent
events that have occurred and until it
comes to a resolve effective immediately
all classes are suspended til further
notice. The Bayboro Police Dept. has also
asked me to announce a city wide curfew
beginning at 6 o'clock PM. I repeat..."

Gale speaks over Mr. Himbry's voice.

GALE
Boy, you people sure do make fuss over a
serial killer.

DEWEY
Serial killer is not really accurate,
ma'am. The killer has yet to strike twice.

GALE
Well, we can hope, can't we? We certainly
don't have any leads. A ghost mask, a
cellular phone – not much there.

DEWEY
We're tracking the cellular phone bill.

GALE
Really? You small town guys are good. And
have you located Sidney's father?

DEWEY
No, not yet.

GALE
He's not a suspect, is he?

DEWEY
We haven't ruled out that possibil...
Dewey, realizing he's said too much, clams up.

DEWEY
If you'll excuse me, ma'am.

GALE
Am I keeping you? I'm sorry.

DEWEY
That's quite alright. If I may say so,
ma'am, you're much prettier in person.

Dewey starts up the school's front steps as the bell RINGS.

GALE
So you do watch the show?

He turns to her earnestly as STUDENTS come pouring out the front
doors.

DEWEY
I just turned 25. I was 24 for a whole
year.

GALE
You are precious. Please, call me Gale.

She smiles deliciously, gives him a wink, then struts off as
Dewey, like a nervous little school boy watches her go.
Genres: ["Horror","Thriller","Mystery"]

Summary Dewey, a young deputy sheriff, is distracted by the flirtatious field correspondent Gale Weathers as they approach the school building. The principal announces the closure of the school and a city wide curfew. Dewey is torn between his duty and his attraction to Gale, but ultimately focuses on his job. The scene ends with Dewey watching Gale go as students pour out of the school.
Strengths
  • Building tension
  • Introducing new elements to the story
  • Engaging dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Slight lack of character development
Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear sense of urgency or tension considering the gravity of the situation. The dialogue between Dewey and Gale feels forced and unnatural, detracting from the suspenseful atmosphere that should be present in a scene involving a potential serial killer.
  • The flirtatious interaction between Dewey and Gale seems out of place and distracts from the main focus of the scene, which should be the heightened sense of danger and mystery surrounding the school closure and the ongoing investigation.
  • The dialogue between Dewey and Gale comes across as superficial and lacking depth, failing to establish a meaningful connection between the characters or advance the plot in a significant way.
  • The transition from Mr. Himbry's announcement over the PA system to the conversation between Dewey and Gale feels abrupt and disjointed, disrupting the flow of the scene and diminishing its impact.
  • Overall, the scene fails to effectively build suspense or engage the audience in the unfolding mystery, missing an opportunity to create a sense of unease and anticipation.
Suggestions
  • Focus on creating a more tense and suspenseful atmosphere by emphasizing the urgency of the situation and the looming threat of the killer.
  • Streamline the dialogue between Dewey and Gale to make it more relevant to the central plot and characters, avoiding unnecessary distractions or tangents.
  • Consider adding more subtle hints or clues related to the ongoing investigation to maintain the audience's interest and build intrigue.
  • Enhance the pacing of the scene by tightening the interactions between characters and ensuring that each moment contributes to the overall tension and mystery of the story.
  • Revisit the scene to ensure that every element, from dialogue to character interactions, aligns with the tone and themes of the screenplay, enhancing the overall impact of the narrative.



Scene 22 - Tense Hallways and Hidden Horrors
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 9
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 7
INT. SCHOOL CORRIDOR – SECONDS LATER

School is clearing out. The halls have begun to empty as Tatum
escorts Sidney down the hallway.

TATUM
It was just some sick fuck having a laugh.

SIDNEY
It was him, Tatum. I know it.

Tatum wants to believe her but...

TATUM
You are not to be alone again. Is that
clear? If you pee – I pee.

Stu appears.

STU
Is this not cool or what? Hey, Sid, what
happened?

TATUM
For once, Stu, drop it.

STU
Okay, but whatever you did the entire
student body thanks you.
Stu moves to Tatum and gives her a kiss.

STU
And to celebrate this impromptu fall
break, I propose we have a party. Tonight,
my house.

SIDNEY
Are you serious?

STU
My parents are out of town. It'll be like
my hurricane bash last year. Nothing
extreme. Just a few of us, hangin'.

Tatum warms to the idea.

TATUM
This could be good. What do you think,
Sid?

SIDNEY
I don't know...

TATUM
Come on. Pathos has it's perks.

Sidney considers trying hard to be good spirited.

STU
Remember, there's safety in numbers.

SIDNEY
(giving in)
Yeah, okay... whatever.

STU
Cool. See you guys tonight. Bring food.

Stu speeds off, sliding down the empty hallway.


INT. PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE – LATER

Mr. Himbry sits at his desk staring at the ghosts masks before
him. He picks one of them up, snickering.

MR. HIMBRY
Damn...

He stands and moves to the closet next to his office door. He
pulls it open to reveal a mirror hooked inside the door. He tries
the mask on, pulling it over his face, looking in the mirror
when...

A KNOCK AT THE DOOR stops him. He rips the mask off his head,
turns to his office door and opens it to reveal...
AN EMPTY DOORWAY

He pokes his head into the outer office area and looks around. But
no one's there.

MR. HIMBRY
Yes? Hello?

The place is empty. A little suspicious he closes the door,
catching his reflection in the closet mirror. He looks at the mask
in his hands. Jesus, even he's jumpy. Two seconds later...

ANOTHER KNOCK AT THE DOOR. Himbry grabs the door quickly, this
time throwing it open. Again no one's there. He steps out into the
outer office determined to catch a prankster.


INT. OUTER OFFICE – CONTINUOUS

Completely empty. Mr. Himbry moves through the outer office and
into the school corridor. The overhead lights have been turned off
and the corridor is now dark and deserted. He looks up and down
the hall. Only a JANITOR is seen in the distance pushing a broom.

MR. HIMBRY
Little shits.

Mr. Himbry returns to his office.


INT. OFFICE – CONTINUOUS

Himbry reenters his office, moving to his desk, when he spots the
closet door NOW CLOSED SHUT.

This gives him a pause-he had left it open. Hadn't he? Suddenly,
he can't remember. He shifts uneasy, reaching for the door knob,
pulling the door open to reveal...

AN EMPTY CLOSET. He stands still a moment, suddenly realizing
someone could easily now be standing behind the open closet door.
Nervously, he pushes it shut to reveal...

NOTHING. Himbry shakes away his jitters, realizing he's spooked
himself. He continues to his desk, pushing his office door shut
when...

A GHOST MASKED FIGURE lunges from behind it... knife in hand.
Quick and easy. Three quick jabs to the stomach and Himbry goes
down. The GHOST MASKED FIGURE towering above him.
Genres: ["Horror","Thriller","Mystery"]

Summary Amidst the chaos of a school day's end, Tatum and Sidney confront their fears while Stu's party proposal offers temporary respite. Yet, in the principal's office, Mr. Himbry's paranoia spirals as he faces his demise at the hands of a mysterious ghost-masked figure, leaving the killer's identity and the characters' fates hanging in the balance.
Strengths
  • Effective use of horror elements
  • Building tension and suspense
  • Introducing a new victim
  • Advancing the plot significantly
Weaknesses
  • Some cliched horror tropes
  • Lack of character development for Mr. Himbry
Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear sense of tension and suspense, which is crucial for a horror screenplay. The dialogue between Tatum and Sidney feels a bit forced and lacks depth in conveying the fear and paranoia Sidney is experiencing.
  • The transition from the school corridor to the principal's office is abrupt and could be smoother to maintain the flow of the scene. The sudden shift in setting without a clear connection disrupts the continuity of the narrative.
  • The interaction between Mr. Himbry and the ghost masks feels disconnected from the rest of the scene. The humor in Himbry trying on the mask contrasts sharply with the serious tone of the rest of the screenplay, creating a tonal inconsistency.
  • The buildup of suspense and tension in the principal's office is not effectively executed. The repeated knocks on the door and the empty doorways lack a sense of imminent danger, which is crucial in a horror setting.
  • The reveal of the ghost masked figure attacking Mr. Himbry feels rushed and lacks a proper buildup. The sudden appearance of the figure and the quick demise of Himbry do not create the desired impact or fear in the audience.
Suggestions
  • Enhance the dialogue between Tatum and Sidney to reflect Sidney's escalating fear and paranoia. Add more emotional depth to their conversation to convey the gravity of the situation.
  • Consider a smoother transition between the school corridor and the principal's office to maintain the narrative flow. Connect the two settings more seamlessly to avoid a jarring shift in location.
  • Reevaluate the humor in Mr. Himbry trying on the ghost mask. Ensure that the tone remains consistent with the overall genre of the screenplay to maintain a sense of suspense and fear.
  • Build up the suspense in the principal's office by increasing the tension with each knock on the door. Create a sense of impending danger to heighten the audience's anticipation.
  • Revise the reveal of the ghost masked figure attacking Mr. Himbry to include a more gradual buildup of tension. Increase the stakes and fear factor to make the scene more impactful and frightening.



Scene 23 - Rumors and Revelations
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 7
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 7
EXT. TATUM'S HOUSE – AFTERNOON – LATER

The late afternoon sun is quickly disappearing.

Tatum and Sidney rock on the front porch looking out into the
small town neighborhood. Dewey's patrol jeep is parked in the
driveway.
Despite loud music, BLARING from an inside stereo, this is a quiet
moment.

TATUM
Maybe Cotton Weary is telling the truth.
Maybe he was having an affair with your
mom.

SIDNEY
So you think my mom was a slut too?

TATUM
I didn't say that, Sid. But you know there
were rumors. Your dad was always out of
town on business. Maybe your mom was a
very unhappy woman.

SIDNEY
If they were having an affair how come
that Cotton couldn't prove it in court?

TATUM
You can't prove a rumor. That's why it's a
rumor.

SIDNEY
Created by that little tabloid twit Gale
Weathers.

TATUM
(delicately)
It goes further back, Sid. There's been
talk about other men.

SIDNEY
And you believe it?

TATUM
Well... you can only hear that Richard
Gere-gerbil story so many times before you
have to start believing it.

A long silence as Sidney agonizes over all of this. She stands up
and moves to the edge of the porch and stares out onto the
neighborhood.

SIDNEY
If I was wrong Cotton, then he's still out
there.

TATUM
Don't go there, Sid. You're starting to
sound like some Wes Carpenter flick. Don't
freak yourself out – we've got a long
night ahead of us.

SIDNEY
You're right. I'm cracking up. Ignore me.
TATUM
Come on, let's rock.

Sid follows Tatum inside the house never seeing the GHOST MASKED
FIGURE that stands across the street, under a tree. His presence
so subtle and unobtrusive you'd have to see this movie a second
time to know he was there all along.


EXT. MAIN STREET – LATER

Stu is moving along main street when Billy comes barreling up next
to him.

BILLY
How'd you do?

STU
Piece of cake. She'll be there.

BILLY
Thanks, butt wart. You did good.

STU
So you gonna try and make up with Sid?

BILLY
Duh... that's quick.

STU
I was just asking. Why are you always at
me?

BILLY
Because I'm trying to build your self-
esteem. You're far too sensitive.

STU
Oh...

Billy thumbs Stu's forehead.

BILLY
You ready to party hard tonight?

STU
You know it.

They come to a building centrally located in the heart of Main
Street. A huge, blue monstrosity that's bigger than the local bank
and post office combined. The sign in front reads "BLOCKBUSTER".
Genres: ["Horror","Thriller","Mystery"]

Summary Tatum and Sidney discuss rumors about Sidney's mom having an affair, leading to tension and uncertainty. Meanwhile, Stu and Billy plan for a party at a Blockbuster store. The scene is set in the late afternoon at Tatum's house in a small town neighborhood. The conflict arises from the uncertainty surrounding Sidney's mom's past and the looming presence of the Ghost Masked Figure. The emotional tone is tense and mysterious, with underlying unease and uncertainty. The scene ends with Tatum and Sidney moving inside the house, unaware of the Ghost Masked Figure's presence.
Strengths
  • Effective tension-building
  • Compelling character interactions
  • Emotional depth and complexity
Weaknesses
  • Some cliched dialogue
  • Predictable plot developments
Critique
  • The conversation between Tatum and Sidney about Sidney's mother's rumored affair feels forced and unnatural. The dialogue comes across as exposition rather than a genuine interaction between friends.
  • The transition from the serious topic of Sidney's mother to the casual mention of the Richard Gere-gerbil rumor feels jarring and out of place. It disrupts the emotional tone of the scene.
  • The presence of the Ghost Masked Figure across the street is introduced in a way that lacks subtlety and nuance. The description of needing to watch the movie a second time to notice him feels contrived.
  • The interaction between Stu and Billy on Main Street lacks depth and fails to add any significant development to their characters. The dialogue comes across as superficial and unengaging.
  • The description of the Blockbuster store at the end of the scene feels disconnected from the rest of the conversation and does not contribute to the overall narrative.
Suggestions
  • Consider revising the conversation between Tatum and Sidney to make it more organic and reflective of their friendship. Focus on creating a genuine emotional connection between the characters.
  • Find a more seamless way to transition between the serious discussion about Sidney's mother and the lighter reference to the Richard Gere-gerbil rumor. Ensure that the tone remains consistent throughout.
  • Revisit the introduction of the Ghost Masked Figure to make it more subtle and integrated into the scene. Create a sense of tension and mystery surrounding his presence.
  • Enhance the dialogue between Stu and Billy to make it more meaningful and revealing of their characters. Explore their dynamic in a way that adds depth and complexity to their relationship.
  • Consider how the description of the Blockbuster store can be better integrated into the scene to enhance the setting and atmosphere. Connect it more closely to the overall narrative to ensure it serves a purpose.



Scene 24 - Horror and Suspicion at Blockbuster
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 7
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 9
INT. BLOCKBUSTER – CONTINUOUS

You typical Blockbuster – huge and crowded. Randy, in his
Blockbuster get up, is busy reshelving returns when Stu appears –
knocking the videos out of his hand.
STU
Jesus, this place is packed.

RANDY
(picking up videos)
We had a run in the mass murder section.

STU
You coming tonight?

RANDY
Yeah, I'm off early – curfew you know.
(looking off)
Now that's poor taste.

STU
What?

Randy refers to Billy who stands down the aisle talking to TWO
GIRLS. (The twits from the bathroom perhaps.)

RANDY
If you were the only suspect in a
senseless bloodbath would you be standing
in the horror section?

STU
It was all a misunderstanding. He didn't
do anything.

RANDY
You're such a little lap dog. He's got
killer printed all over his forehead.

STU
The why'd the police let him go?

RANDY
Because, obviously they don't watch enough
movies. This is standard horror movie
stuff. PROM NIGHT revisited.

Randy moves down the aisle, reshelving videos.

STU
Why would he want to kill his own
girlfriend?

RANDY
There's always some stupid bullshit reason
to kill your girlfriend. That's the beauty
of it all. Simplicity. Besides, if it's
too complicated you lose your target
audience.

STU
So what's his reason?

RANDY
Maybe Sidney wouldn't have sex with him.
STU
She's saving herself for you.

RANDY
Could be. Now that Billy's tried to
mutilate her, you think Sid would go out
with me?

STU
I think her father did it. How come they
can't find his ass?

RANDY
Because he's probably dead. His body will
come popping out in the last reel
somewhere... eyes gauged. See, the police
are always off track with this shit, if
they'd watch PROM NIGHT they'd save time.
There's formula to it. A very simple one.
Everyone's always a suspect – the father,
the principal, the town derelict...

STU
Which is you...

RANDY
So while they're off investigating a dead
end, Billy, who's been written off as a
suspect, is busy planning his next hunting
expedition.

BILLY (O.S.)
How do we know you're not the killer?

Randy spins around to find Billy right behind him. Busted.

RANDY
Uh... hi, Billy.

BILLY
Maybe your movie-freaked mind lost it's
reality button?

Randy shrugs, laughing it off.

RANDY
You're absolutely right. I'm the first to
admit it. If this were a scary movie, I'd
be the prime suspect.

STU
And what would be your motive?

RANDY
It's 1995 – motives are incidental.
EXT. MAIN STREET – LITTLE LATER

Dewey's patrol jeep makes it's way down mainstreet. It's almost
dark. The street is close to deserted.


INT. PATROL JEEP – CONTINUOUS

Dewey's behind the wheel having a heated conversation with Tatum
while Sid stares out the window.

DEWEY
A party? Mom's gonna kill you. Then me.

TATUM
Don't be so self-righteous. It's just a
little blow out – we'll be perfectly safe.

Sid stares out the window. CLOSED SIGNS fill the storefronts, a
few people rush to their car, in a hurry to beat curfew.

SIDNEY
God, look at this place, it's THE TOWN
THAT DREADED SUNDOWN.

DEWEY
Hey, I saw that movie. True story, 'bout
some killer in Texas.

TATUM
Hey, Sid. Just think if they make a movie
about you. Who's gonna play you?

SIDNEY
Oh, god...

Dewey comes to a stop, parking the car in front of the police
station. He looks to Sid with a brotherly smile.

DEWEY
I see you as a young Meg Ryan myself.

SIDNEY
Thanks, Dewey. But with my luck they'd
cast Tori Spelling.
Genres: ["Horror","Thriller","Mystery"]

Summary At Blockbuster, Randy and Stu debate horror movies and the town's murders. Billy Loomis confronts Randy, suspecting him as the killer. Meanwhile, Dewey drives Tatum and Sidney past the police station, discussing the murders and the upcoming party.
Strengths
  • Sharp and witty dialogue
  • Meta commentary on horror movie tropes
  • Building suspense and tension
Weaknesses
  • Lack of significant character changes
  • Limited physical action
Critique
  • The scene at Blockbuster serves as a moment of levity and banter between Randy, Stu, and Billy, but it lacks a sense of urgency or tension considering the ongoing murders and the looming danger. The dialogue, while witty and engaging, feels disconnected from the high stakes of the situation.
  • The conversation about horror movie tropes and suspects in a murder mystery is clever, but it feels a bit too on-the-nose and meta, taking away from the suspense and mystery of the story. The scene could benefit from a more subtle approach to discussing the killer's motives and the characters' suspicions.
  • The transition from the Blockbuster scene to Dewey's patrol jeep is somewhat abrupt and could be smoother to maintain the flow of the narrative. The shift in tone from a light-hearted conversation to a more serious setting could be better integrated for a more cohesive storytelling experience.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more tension and suspense to the Blockbuster scene by incorporating subtle hints of danger or foreshadowing related to the ongoing murders. This will help maintain the overall tone of the screenplay and keep the audience engaged.
  • To enhance the connection between the Blockbuster scene and Dewey's patrol jeep, consider a smoother transition that builds on the themes or emotions introduced in the previous scene. This will create a more seamless narrative flow and enhance the overall coherence of the screenplay.
  • While the witty banter and meta commentary on horror movie cliches are entertaining, try to balance it with moments of genuine fear or vulnerability to ground the characters in the reality of the situation. This will add depth to the characters and make their interactions more relatable to the audience.



Scene 25 - Unveiling the Prime Suspect
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 7
  • Characters: 7
  • Dialogue: 6
EXT. PATROL JEEP – CONTINUOUS

They pile out of the jeep. Dewey heads for the station.

DEWEY
I'll just be a few minutes. Don't go far.

The girls take off for the local supermarket that sits across the
street.

SIDNEY
Is Billy going to be there tonight?
TATUM
He better not be. I told Stu to keep his
mouth shut. I think we can live without
EVERYBODY'S ALL AMERICAN for one night.

They approach the grocery store. Small and simple. Sid and Tatum
grab a shopping cart from the bin and enter the store, pushing the
cart through two sliding glass doors.

A lone CHECKOUT LADY behind the counter, big and frumpy, looks up
from counting money.

CHECK OUT LADY
You girls gonna have to hurry it up. We're
under curfew.

TATUM
Two minutes tops.

They make a bee-line for the junk food section just as the
automated doors slide shut behind them and a...

GHOST MASKED FIGURE appears, out of nowhere, standing just
outside, watching, quietly through the glass store windows.


EXT. POLICE STATION – SHERIFF'S OFFICE

Sheriff Burke's face heats up as Deputy Riley marches in,
hurriedly.

SHERIFF BURKE
Dewey! Where the hell you been, boy?

DEWEY
Keeping my eye on Sidney.

SHERIFF BURKE
Listen up, Dewey, because it's bad. Real
bad. Aircomp just faxed us. The calls were
listed to Neil Prescott, Sidney's father.
He made the calls with his cellular phone.
It's confirmed.

DEWEY
Couldn't his cellular number have been
cloned?

SHERIFF BURKE
There's more. Guess what tomorrow is? The
anniversary of his wife's death. It all
fits. He's our man.

DEWEY
Have you contacted the bureau?
SHERIFF BURKE
They believe he's out of state by now.
We'll keep roadblocks and curfew in effect
through the night. If he's not picked up
by morning we'll do a house to house.

DEWEY
You think he could still be in town?

SHERIFF BURKE
He'd have to be crazy. Where's Sidney?

DEWEY
She's with my sister. Should I bring her
in?

SHERIFF BURKE
Hold off for now. Just stay close to her.

DEWEY
She'll be with her friends over at Stu
Maker's tonight.

SHERIFF BURKE
Watch her. Don't let on. Just keep your
eyes out.

DEWEY
Yes, sir.


INT. SUPERMARKET – FEW MINUTES LATER

Sidney and Tatum push a basket through the junk food section. The
store is completely empty. The girls gab freely.

SIDNEY
Billy's right. Whenever he touches me, I
just can't relax.

TATUM
You have a few intimacy issues as a result
of your mother's untimely death. It's no
big deal. You'll thaw out.

SIDNEY
But he's been so patient with me, Tatum.
You know, with all the sex stuff. How many
guys would put up with a girlfriend who's
sexually anorexic?

TATUM
Billy and his penis don't deserve you.

Sidney grabs some chips and salsa from the shelf. Down the aisle,
through the storefront window the Ghost Masked Figure still stands
watching their every move.
Genres: ["Horror","Thriller","Mystery"]

Summary Dewey heads to the police station where Sheriff Burke discloses that Sidney's father is the prime suspect in the recent murders. Simultaneously, Sidney and Tatum discuss Billy while unaware they are being watched by the ominous Ghost Masked Figure, adding an eerie tension to the scene.
Strengths
  • Building tension and suspense
  • Revealing new plot elements
  • Emotional depth of characters
Weaknesses
  • Some expository dialogue
  • Repetitive interactions
Critique
  • The scene lacks a sense of urgency and tension considering the gravity of the situation. The dialogue between Dewey and Sheriff Burke discussing Neil Prescott as the prime suspect feels rushed and lacks depth.
  • The transition from the police station to the supermarket is abrupt and could be smoother to maintain the flow of the story.
  • The interaction between Sidney and Tatum in the supermarket feels superficial and doesn't delve deep into the emotional turmoil Sidney is experiencing.
  • The presence of the Ghost Masked Figure outside the supermarket is not effectively utilized to create suspense or fear in the scene.
  • The dialogue between Sidney and Tatum about Billy and their relationship lacks authenticity and emotional depth, making it feel superficial.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more tension and suspense to the scene by building up the revelation about Neil Prescott as the prime suspect more gradually.
  • Work on creating a smoother transition between the police station and the supermarket to maintain the narrative flow.
  • Enhance the emotional depth of the conversation between Sidney and Tatum in the supermarket to reflect Sidney's internal struggles and fears.
  • Utilize the presence of the Ghost Masked Figure outside the supermarket to create a sense of impending danger and increase the stakes for the characters.
  • Revise the dialogue between Sidney and Tatum to make it more authentic and emotionally resonant, reflecting the complexity of their relationship dynamics.



Scene 26 - Pre-Party Banter and a Sinister Sight
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 7
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 7
EXT. SUPERMARKET

Sid pushes the cart out of the glass door with Tatum riding it.
The Ghost Masked Figure is nowhere to be found.

SIDNEY
What do you think about when you're having
sex?

TATUM
With Stu, there's little time to stop and
reflect. But sometimes before, to relax
and get in the mood, I think about Grant
Goodeve.

Sid pushes the cart and Tatum across the street.

SIDNEY
Who?

TATUM
Grant Goodeve the oldest brother on EIGHT
IS ENOUGH. Remember that show? He was the
one who lived off alone. He would come
around every now and then with his guitar
and sing "Eight is enough to fill our
lives with love... "He had all these brain
dead sisters and that idiot brother from
CHARLES IN CHARGE. God, I was in love with
Grant, he was so hot. The show came on
every day after school right during my
puberty years. Grant Goodeve was very
instrumental in my maturing as a woman.

SIDNEY
How does that get you in the mood with
Stu?

TATUM
During foreplay, I sing the theme song to
myself. "Eight is enough to fill our lives
with love... " It's a real turn on.

SIDNEY
No way.

TATUM
Grant wrote the song himself. I'm
convinced the lyrics had a secret meaning,
"Eight is enough... "

Sid pushes the cart up to Dewey's jeep. Tatum hops off.

SIDNEY
What secret meaning? Like a Satanical
thing?

TATUM
Watch the show, Sid. His basket is bigger
than the one you're pushing.
SIDNEY
TATUM!

TATUM
Oh, Sidney. WHAT? A guy can talk tits til
he's dead but the minute you mention an
eight inch weenie. Watch out.

Sidney stops just short of a laugh. Tatum pulls the back jeep
door, loading the groceries in. Behind her, the Ghost Masked
Figure appears, just out of their sight, behind the jeep's open
back door.

TATUM
There's that sense of humor. I knew it
still existed. Ohh, Sid, let's have some
fun tonight.

SIDNEY
Deal.

Sidney moves to the back door and closes it shut, when from
behind...

Dewey stands. Sid jumps, startled.

DEWEY
You girls ready.

SIDNEY
Yeah.

DEWEY
Looks like I'm your personal bodyguard
tonight, Sid.

TATUM
No, Dewey. You'll ruin the whole night.

DEWEY
Sorry, police orders. I'll stay out of the
way, I promise.

TATUM
Shit.

Tatum kicks the shopping cart out of the way, blindly. It rolls
down the road by itself, gaining speed on a decline running smack
into the Ghost Masked Figure who stops the cart cold with one
hand.


EXT. COUNTRY ROAD – NIGHT

Dewey's jeep makes it's way down a long, winding road. Headlights
illuminate the thick woods that line each side. Following behind
them at a discreet distance is a huge white newsvan.

Dewey comes to the end of the road. It dead ends at...
STU'S HOUSE which sits alone in a clearing, big and ominous with
no neighbors in sight. A huge old home just ripe for a night of
fun and... terror.

From the looks of things the party has already started. Music is
BLARING. A few KIDS hang on the porch.


INT. LIVING ROOM – MINUTES LATER

A big room with KIDS sprinkled throughout-smoking, drinking,
cutting up. A stereo BLASTS music while the TV airs around the
clock killer coverage.

Tatum and Sid enter with groceries. Various FRIENDS greet them.

TATUM
Caterer's here.

The girls carry bags through a hallway that opens up onto an
enormous kitchen. Stu and some GUYS are leaning over the sink
drinking beer through a funnel.

TATUM
That's mature.

STU
Where you guys been? We had to start
without you.


EXT. STU'S HOUSE – ROAD

The newsvan pulls up and parks unobtrusively on the side of the
road a few feet down from the front yard.
Genres: ["Horror","Thriller","Mystery"]

Summary Sidney and Tatum discuss Tatum's crush on Grant Goodeve and her methods for getting in the mood with Stu. They meet up with Dewey, who joins them on their way to Stu's house for a party. As they load groceries, the Ghost Masked Figure lurks behind their jeep. Despite Tatum's reluctance, Dewey takes on the role of their bodyguard, adding a touch of tension to the light-hearted atmosphere. The scene concludes with the group arriving at Stu's house, while a newsvan discreetly parks nearby.
Strengths
  • Effective blending of genres
  • Engaging character interactions
  • Tension and suspense
  • Humorous moments
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development
  • Some predictable plot points
Critique
  • The dialogue between Sidney and Tatum about Grant Goodeve and the theme song from 'Eight is Enough' feels out of place and disrupts the tension and suspense of the scene.
  • The introduction of the Ghost Masked Figure watching them from a distance adds a creepy element to the scene, but it is not fully utilized to build suspense or foreshadow future events.
  • The transition from the light-hearted banter between Tatum and Sidney to the sudden appearance of Dewey is abrupt and could be smoother to maintain the tone of the scene.
  • The interaction between Dewey, Sidney, and Tatum lacks depth and fails to capitalize on the potential for building tension or developing the characters further.
  • The sudden appearance of the Ghost Masked Figure stopping the rolling shopping cart feels forced and lacks a clear connection to the rest of the scene.
Suggestions
  • Consider revising the dialogue between Sidney and Tatum to make it more relevant to the overall plot and tone of the scene.
  • Enhance the presence of the Ghost Masked Figure to create a stronger sense of foreboding and suspense throughout the scene.
  • Smooth out the transition between the light-hearted moments and the more tense interactions to maintain a consistent tone.
  • Develop the interactions between Dewey, Sidney, and Tatum to add depth to their characters and create more engaging dynamics.
  • Reconsider the introduction of the Ghost Masked Figure stopping the shopping cart to ensure it aligns with the overall narrative and contributes to the scene's tension.



Scene 27 - Pre-Movie Preparations
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 7
  • Characters: 7
  • Dialogue: 7
INT. NEWSVAN

Kenny and Gale move around inside the van. Kenny hovers over a
control panel complete with video monitors.

KENNY
What's the plan?

GALE
Prep the compact, we'll hide it in a
window and tape all of tonight's
festivities.

Kenny picks up a compact video camera the size of his fist. He
checks its battery pack.

KENNY
The control board's glitched. You know we
can't carry a live picture.

GALE
What's the delay?
KENNY
About thirty seconds.

GALE
As long as it records I don't give a shit.
We're not doing a remote.

Gale slides open the side door and steps out into the darkness,
not seeing the FIGURE that stands behind her. A hand grabs her
shoulder, Gale's heart stops as she spins around to find...

Dewey, smiling, extremely pleased to see her.

DEWEY
Evening, ma'am.

GALE
Deputy... good evening.

DEWEY
What brings you out to these parts?

GALE
You never know when or where a story will
break.

DEWEY
Not much story here. Just a bunch of kids
cutting loose.

GALE
Then what are you doing here?

DEWEY
Keeping an eye on things. Checking the
place out.

GALE
Mind if I join you?

Dewey considers for a whole two seconds.

DEWEY
Not at all.

Gale leans in the van, grabs the camera from Kenny's hand, and
throws it in her bag. She gives Kenny a wink.


INT. KITCHEN

CLOSE ON A MICROWAVE

Popcorn POPS inside. CAMERA WIDENS TO REVEAL...

Sid, Stu, and Tatum moving about the kitchen, preparing a junk
food feast. Other TEENS pop in and out. Randy appears amongst
them. He carries an armful of videos.
RANDY
I thought we'd make it a BLOCKBUSTER
night.

He lets the videos splatter across the kitchen counter. Stu and
Tatum dive in.

STU
I thought everything was checked out.

RANDY
I had 'em hid in the foreign section.

Sidney peruses the videos.

SIDNEY
THE FOG, TERROR TRAIN, PROM NIGHT – How
come Jamie Lee Curtis is in all these
movies?

RANDY
She's the Scream Queen.

STU
With that set of lungs she should be.

TATUM
(to Sid)
Tits. See.
Genres: ["Horror","Thriller","Mystery"]

Summary Gale and Kenny plan to document the night's events before being interrupted by Deputy Dewey. The teens gather for a movie night with Randy showcasing his horror film collection. Tatum makes a rude remark to Sidney.
Strengths
  • Building suspense
  • Creating tension
  • Revealing character dynamics
  • Introducing new threats
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue may feel repetitive
  • Lack of clarity on certain character motivations
Critique
  • The scene starts off with a good setup of Gale and Kenny in the newsvan, preparing to capture footage of the party. However, the tension and suspense could be heightened by building up the presence of the Ghost Masked Figure lurking outside the van.
  • The interaction between Gale and Dewey is well-written, but there could be more emphasis on the underlying tension and suspicion between them. This could add depth to their characters and create a more engaging dynamic.
  • The transition from the newsvan to the kitchen scene feels a bit abrupt. It would be beneficial to have a smoother transition or a clearer connection between the two settings to maintain the flow of the story.
  • The dialogue between the characters in the kitchen scene is light-hearted and humorous, which contrasts with the suspenseful tone established earlier. While the banter adds a touch of realism, it's important to ensure that the tone remains consistent throughout the scene.
  • The reference to Jamie Lee Curtis as the 'Scream Queen' and the comment about her 'set of lungs' could be seen as insensitive or inappropriate, especially considering the context of the horror genre. It's important to be mindful of the language and jokes used in the script.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more suspenseful elements to the interaction between Gale and the Ghost Masked Figure outside the van to increase tension.
  • Explore deeper into the dynamics between Gale and Dewey to enhance the complexity of their relationship and add layers to their characters.
  • Smooth out the transition between the newsvan and the kitchen scene to maintain the coherence of the narrative.
  • Ensure that the tone of the dialogue in the kitchen scene aligns with the overall tone of the screenplay to maintain consistency.
  • Be mindful of the language and humor used in the script, especially when referencing sensitive topics or characters.



Scene 28 - Party Interrupted
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 7
  • Dialogue: 7
INT. LIVING ROOM – FEW MINUTES LATER

The party is going strong. Ten maybe fifteen people stand, sit,
lean. Some crowd around the floor in front of the television.
Randy is taking a vote.

RANDY
How many EVIL DEAD'S?
(hands go up)
How many HELLRAISER'S?

Hands go up. BICKERING AD-LIB, etc.

The doorbell RINGS. Stu goes for it.

STU
I got it. Tatum get me a beer. They're in
the fridge in the garage.

TATUM
What am I? The beer wench?

STU (O.S.)
Hey, guess who's here? It's that chick
from INSIDE STORY?

They look up the hallway to see Dewey and Gale standing in the
foyer.
TATUM
Shit, Dewey!

Everyone perks up, eyeing Gale.

TATUM
What is she doing here?

DEWEY
She's with me. I just wanted to check on
things.

The GUYS in the room are drooling over Gale. Including Stu.

TATUM
So you did. Now leave... and take your
media muff with you.

Tatum takes off for the kitchen.

Gale has quickly become the focus of the party. All eyes are on
her.

SOME TEEN
I watch your show regularly.

STU
This must be big news to be on INSIDE
STORY.

GALE
Huge.

ANOTHER TEEN
Wanna interview us?

RANDY
We could be like two grief stricken
students and we'll say really nice things
about our good friends who were
slaughtered senselessly.

STU
I can cry on cue.

Gale eyes the bookshelf above the television.

GALE
Maybe later?

Suddenly, Gale starts to COUGH.

GALE
Can I trouble you for some water?

STU
How 'bout a beer? Randy, get the lady a
beer.
RANDY
You get it.

Gale slips the camera from her bag, hits the ON switch and holds
it behind her... waiting for the right moment.


BACK IN FOYER

SIDNEY
Have they found my father?

DEWEY
Afraid not.

SIDNEY
Should I be worried?

DEWEY
Not yet.


INT. KITCHEN

Tatum is alone in the kitchen. She empties popcorn into a bowl,
then pulls open the refrigerator... looks quickly, then
remembers...

She moves through the adjoining laundry room to the...
Genres: ["Horror","Thriller","Mystery"]

Summary Amidst the lively party, the unexpected arrival of Gale and Dewey stirs up the atmosphere. Gale becomes the center of attention while Tatum expresses her annoyance. Sidney worries about her father, but Dewey's presence provides reassurance. As the party continues, Gale discreetly records the festivities. The scene concludes with Tatum searching for something in the kitchen.
Strengths
  • Building tension
  • Complex character interactions
  • Intriguing plot developments
Weaknesses
  • Some cliched dialogue
  • Slight predictability in certain character actions
Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear focus or purpose, with multiple conversations happening simultaneously and no central conflict or progression.
  • The dialogue feels forced and lacks depth, with characters making superficial comments and interactions.
  • The introduction of Gale and Dewey feels abrupt and doesn't seamlessly integrate into the party atmosphere.
  • The interactions between characters, especially Tatum and Dewey, come off as cliched and lack authenticity.
  • There is a lack of tension or suspense in the scene, making it feel stagnant and unengaging.
Suggestions
  • Focus on creating a central conflict or tension within the party scene to drive the narrative forward.
  • Develop more meaningful and authentic dialogue that reveals character motivations and relationships.
  • Integrate the introduction of Gale and Dewey more organically into the party setting to avoid disrupting the flow of the scene.
  • Consider adding layers to the interactions between characters to make them more dynamic and engaging.
  • Infuse the scene with suspense or intrigue to keep the audience invested in the unfolding events.



Scene 29 - Tatum's Fatal Garage Encounter
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 9
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 7
  • Dialogue: 6
INT. GARAGE

The kitchen door opens and light floods the darkened garage. Tatum
stands in the doorway searching for a light switch.

She finds a button and hits it. BRRRRMMM! The electric garage door
starts to rise. Wrong switch. She hits it again and it closes.

She finds another switch. CLICK. A small lightbulb overhead comes
on, barely lighting the large two car garage, leaving pockets of
shadows along the wall.

Tatum spots the refrigerator against a far wall and heads for it,
not seeing the kitchen door, quietly, slowly, closing behind her,
sealing her off from the rest of the house.

Tatum stumbles to the refrigerator and throws it open. Its light
casts a glow across her face.

CRASH-BOOM!

Tatum jumps, spinning around just in time to see a cat escape
through a large pet door that's built into the garage door. She
smiles at her jumpiness.

Tatum loads up with as many beer as her hands will carry and heads
back to the kitchen.
At the kitchen door, she juggles the beer, reaching for the knob.
It's locked.

TATUM
SHIT!

She KICKS it with her foot several times.

TATUM
Hey, Shitheads!

A moment. No answer.

TATUM
OH, SHIT PISS!

Tatum leans over and, with her elbow, hits the garage door button.
BRRRMM! It begins to rise.

She moves towards the rising door, beer in hand. Suddenly, CRR-
BRRRM! The garage door RESETS, reversing direction, moving down,
closing.

TATUM
What the...

Tatum spins around to see...


A GHOST MASKED FIGURE

Silhouetted in the dark, next to the kitchen door, his hand on the
switch. Tatum at once GASPS, taken back, but then relaxes.

TATUM
Is that you, Randy? Cute.

The Figure stares at her, blankly.

TATUM
And what movie is this from? I SPIT ON
YOUR GARAGE.

Tatum takes a step towards the Figure.

TATUM
Lose the mask. If Sidney sees it, she'll
flip.

The Figure shakes his head slowly from side to side.

TATUM
Oh, you wanna play psycho killer?

The Figure slowly nods.

TATUM
Can I be the helpless victim?

The Figure slowly nods again.
TATUM
Okay, let's see. "No, please don't kill
me, Mr. Ghostface. I want to be in the
sequel."

Tatum takes a step to move around the Figure, but he steps too,
blocking her.

TATUM
Cut, Casper. That's a wrap.

Tatum moves again, sidestepping the Figure, but he's faster and
cuts her off.

Tatum juggles the beer against her chest with one hand and with
the other pushes the Figure hard, knocking him aside.

TATUM
Randy, will you stop?

But as the Figure intercepts, lunging forward, grabbing her wrist
hard, Tatum stumbles... beer cans hit the floor, spewing...

TATUM
You little shit.

Tatum yanks hard, releasing his hold when a flash of silver
catches her eye. She looks down, glimpsing a long sharp blade as
it darts forward, cutting into her forearm...

Tatum pulls back, horrified, as the moment turns deadly serious.

The Figure advances on her, knife out, ready. She staggers
backwards, holding her bloody arm, backing into the refrigerator,
SCREAMING.

TATUM
Who are you?

The Figure lashes out with the knife. Tatum dodges it, leaping
back against the fridge. The Figure advances. Instinctively, she
rips the top freezer door open, BASHING the FIGURE in the face,
sending him backwards, reeling.

Tatum bolts to the... CLOSED GARAGE DOOR. In a panic, she BEATS
and PULLS on it, trying to make it lift. She eyes the Figure...
he's recovering...

She goes for the pet door, dropping to the floor, diving for it...
she wedges her upper body through, her head, shoulders, torso just
as the...

Figure pounces, grabbing hold of her feet. Tatum goes crazy
SCREAMING and KICKING trying to get through.


EXT. GARAGE DOOR

Tatum is half in/half out of the pet door. She BEATS and JERKS
wildly, unable to see the Figure on the other side...
A true fighter, Tatum kicks hard, making direct contact with the
Figure, knocking him away.

She takes the moment to pull herself through further... but she
stops... stuck. She pulls and tugs but can't move. She listens but
hears nothing. Where did he go? An agonizing silence. And then...

CRR-BRRRM! The garage door is activated. It begins to rise upward,
taking Tatum with it. She SCREAMS MADLY.

TATUM
NOOOOOOOO...

Tatum's arms and legs fly about violently as she tries to free
herself from the door, but it moves too fast, carrying her up...

She looks above to see where the door rolls back into garage
rafters just as her neck hits the first beam, SNAPPING instantly.
Genres: ["Horror","Thriller"]

Summary Tatum finds herself trapped inside her darkened garage with a mysterious ghost-masked figure. As she frantically searches for a way out, the figure closes in on her with a knife. Despite her desperate efforts, Tatum's escape is cut short when she becomes entangled in the pet door and her neck snaps as the garage door rises.
Strengths
  • Effective use of suspense and tension
  • Shocking and gruesome death
  • Unique twist with the garage door trap
Weaknesses
  • Minimal dialogue
  • Limited character development for the masked figure
Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension and suspense as Tatum is isolated in the dark garage with the Ghost Masked Figure, creating a sense of impending danger.
  • The use of light and shadows adds to the eerie atmosphere of the scene, enhancing the creepy and ominous tone.
  • The dialogue between Tatum and the Figure initially sets up a playful and dismissive interaction, but quickly escalates to a more serious and threatening tone, creating a dramatic shift in the scene.
  • The action sequences are well-described, with clear and vivid imagery that conveys the intensity of the confrontation between Tatum and the Figure.
  • The scene effectively utilizes the setting of the garage to create a claustrophobic and tense environment, heightening the suspense and danger Tatum faces.
  • The escalation of the conflict and the eventual tragic outcome for Tatum are well-paced and keep the audience engaged throughout the scene.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more internal thoughts or emotions for Tatum to further develop her character and increase the audience's connection to her, especially as the tension rises.
  • Explore the possibility of incorporating more sensory details to enhance the atmosphere of the scene, such as sounds, smells, and physical sensations, to immerse the audience in the setting.
  • Provide more insight into the motivations or intentions of the Ghost Masked Figure to add depth to the character and create a more compelling antagonist.
  • Consider adding a moment of realization or revelation for Tatum before the confrontation escalates, to increase the emotional impact of the scene and add layers to her character development.
  • Ensure that the resolution of the scene, with Tatum's tragic demise, is handled sensitively and respectfully to avoid sensationalizing or glorifying the violence.



Scene 30 - Heartfelt Conversation in Stu's Bedroom
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 8
INT. FOYER – MINUTES LATER

It's getting late and SOME KIDS leave through the front door,
muttering, "parents and curfew", etc. The door hangs open wide.
Sid moves to close it when... .

Billy appears in a classic fake scare.

SIDNEY
Billy? Jesus, you scared me.

Stu appears.

STU
(with a wink)
Dude. What are you doing here?

BILLY
I was hoping Sid and I could talk.

SIDNEY
If Tatum sees you she'll draw blood.

STU
You guys can go up to my parents room? To
talk and... whatever.

BILLY
Subtlety, Stu. Look it up.

SIDNEY
It's okay. We need to talk.

Sid grabs his hand and leads him up the staircase. Randy appears
from the kitchen just in time to see Sid and Billy disappear
upstairs.

RANDY
What's Leatherface doing here?
STU
He came to make up.

RANDY
There goes my chance with Sid.

STU
Like you had one.


INT. NEWSVAN

Kenny fidgets at the control board. He hits a coupla buttons,
bangs the side of the monitor and a picture emerges... the living
room. The camera is positioned just above the television...


ON SCREEN

The party is in full swing. Several TEENS sit right in front of
the television. Because of the camera's position they appear to be
staring right into the lens.

Suddenly, the van's side door slides open and Gale pops in.

KENNY
Got a picture. Perfect placement. We can
see everything.

Gale is ecstatic.

GALE
Tell me, Kenny, has a cheesy tabloid
journalist ever won the Pulitzer?


INT. BEDROOM

A large, master bedroom with glass doors that lead out onto a
balcony.

Sid and Billy stare at each other for a long moment. Awkward.

SIDNEY
So...

BILLY
So... I'm sorry. I've been a selfish shit
and I'm sorry.

SIDNEY
No, Billy. I'm the one who's been selfish
and self-absorbed with all of my post
traumatic stress.

BILLY
You lost your mom...
SIDNEY
But you're right. Enough is enough. I
can't wallow in the grief process forever
and I can't keep lying to myself about who
my mom was.

Billy bows his head quietly, knowingly.

SIDNEY
I think in some weird analytical,
psychological bullshit way I'm scared I'm
gonna turn out just like her, you know?
Like the bad seed or something...

BILLY
Oh Sidney...

SIDNEY
Everytime I get close to you I see my mom.
I know it doesn't make sense.

BILLY
Sure it does. It's like Jodie Foster in
SILENCE OF THE LAMBS when she kept having
flashbacks of her dead father.

SIDNEY
But this is life. This isn't a movie.

BILLY
Sure it is, Sid. It's all a movie. Life's
one great big movie. Only you can't pick
your genre.

Billy moves to her. They embrace, tenderly.

SIDNEY
I wanna let go. I do...

BILLY
Ssshh... everything's gonna be okay. I
promise.

Sidney takes the initiative, acting on impulse, kissing him long
and hard. She breaks away passionately, out of breath.

SIDNEY
Why can't I be a Meg Ryan movie?

Billy nibbles her neck.

BILLY
Sshh... it's okay.

SIDNEY
Or even a good porno.

BILLY
(shocked)
What?
She stares at him, her eyes sexually charged.

SIDNEY
You heard me.

BILLY
(incredulous)
Are you serious?

SIDNEY
(surprising herself)
Yeah... I think so.

They smile at each other.
Genres: ["Horror","Thriller","Romance"]

Summary Sidney and Billy have a deep conversation in Stu's parents' bedroom, where they discuss their fears and insecurities. The scene is emotionally intimate as they share a tender moment and kiss passionately, signaling a new level of connection between them.
Strengths
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Complex character dynamics
  • Blend of genres
  • Emotional depth
Weaknesses
  • Some cliched moments
  • Predictable romantic reconciliation
Critique
  • The scene starts off with a light-hearted and humorous tone, but quickly transitions into a serious and intimate conversation between Sidney and Billy. The shift in tone could be smoother to maintain the emotional impact of the scene.
  • The dialogue between Sidney and Billy feels a bit forced and cliched at times, especially with the references to movies like 'SILENCE OF THE LAMBS'. It could be more authentic and natural to enhance the emotional connection between the characters.
  • The sexual tension between Sidney and Billy escalates abruptly and may feel out of place given the context of their conversation about grief and fear. The transition from emotional vulnerability to physical intimacy could be more nuanced and realistic.
  • The scene lacks depth in exploring Sidney's internal struggles and fears about turning out like her mother. This aspect could be further developed to add layers to her character and create a more compelling narrative.
  • The ending of the scene, with Sidney expressing a desire to be in a 'good porno', feels jarring and out of character based on the previous conversation. It may not align with the emotional journey Sidney is going through and could be reconsidered for a more authentic resolution.
Suggestions
  • Consider refining the transition between the light-hearted beginning and the serious conversation to maintain a consistent tone throughout the scene.
  • Focus on crafting more authentic and relatable dialogue between Sidney and Billy to deepen their emotional connection and make their interaction more engaging.
  • Gradually build up the sexual tension between Sidney and Billy to make the intimate moment feel more organic and in line with their emotional journey.
  • Explore Sidney's internal struggles and fears in more depth to add complexity to her character and enhance the emotional depth of the scene.
  • Reconsider the ending of the scene to ensure it aligns with the emotional arc of the characters and maintains the authenticity of their interactions.



Scene 31 - Horror Movie Rules
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 7
  • Characters: 7
  • Dialogue: 8
INT. LIVING ROOM – MINUTES LATER

The camera sits on the book shelf lodged between two knickknacks,
completely inconspicuous. The CAMERA WIDENS to reveal several
TEENS watching the TV. The horror diehards.

TEEN #1
Look, here it comes. SPLAT!

TEEN #2
The blood's not the right color. Why do
they do that? It's too red.

RANDY
Here comes another...

TEEN #3
Predictable. Knew he was going to bite it.

BORED TEEN
How can you watch this shit over and over?

RANDY
Shhhhh.

STU
I wanna see Jamie Lee's breasts. When do
we see Jamie Lee's breasts?

RANDY
Not until TRADING PLACES in '83. Jamie Lee
was always the virgin in horror movies.
She didn't show her tits until she went
legit.

BOY TEEN
No way.

RANDY
That's why she always lived. Only virgins
can outsmart the killer in the big chase
scene in the end. Don't you know the
rules?
Stu finishes his beer.

STU
What rules?

Randy hits the pause button on the remote and stands in front of
the television, explaining.

RANDY
There are certain rules that one must
abide by in order to successfully survive
a horror movie. For instance: 1. You can
never have sex. The minute you get a
little nookie – you're as good as gone.
Sex always equals death. 2. Never drink or
do drugs. The sin factor. It's an
extension of number one. And 3. Never,
ever, ever, under any circumstances, say
"I'll be right back."

STU
Wanna another beer?

RANDY
Yeah.

STU
I'll be right back.

Everybody "ooohhs".

RANDY
There he goes folks – a dead man. Wave
bye-bye.


INT. NEWSVAN – CONTINUOUS

Gale and Kenny watch the monitor. The party is clearing out some

A RAP at the van door. Gale pulls it open to see Deputy Riley
standing, his face all smiles.

DEWEY
Sheriff just radioed me. I'm gonna check
out a possible lead. Thought you might
like to join me.

GALE
What kind of lead?

DEWEY
A car was spotted in the bushes a little
ways up the road.

GALE
I'd love to. If you're sure it's alright?

DEWEY
Ma'am, I am the Deputy of this town.
GALE
Can I bring Kenny?

DEWEY
(too quickly)
NO! I mean... I should probably take just
you.

Gale steps out of the van turning back to Kenny.

GALE
I'll be back.

She slides the van door closed.


EXT. ROAD – CONTINUOUS

Gale heads for Dewey's patrol jeep.

DEWEY
Actually, I thought we could walk. It's
not far.

Gale appears skeptical, but smiles anyway. She's genuinely smitten
by this young guy.


INT. LIVING ROOM – CONTINUOUS

SCARY MUSIC fills the room. The party is reduced to the diehards
in front of the television.

RANDY
(pointing to TV)
Look, here comes the obligatory tit shot.

OTHER GUYS
Beautiful! Finally!


INT. BEDROOM – CONTINUOUS

Billy and Sidney are going at it... passionately. He has his head
buried in her neck.

SIDNEY
(to herself)
"Eight is enough to fill our lives with
love..."

It's working. Sidney pushes Billy off her as she pulls her shirt
over her head. She fumbles with the clasp of her bra as the...

CAMERA RUSHES IN on her breasts. Just as Sid's bra straps slide of
her shoulders...

Billy moves in front of the CAMERA, pulling his jeans off,
Blocking Sidney from view.
INT. LIVING ROOM – SECONDS LATER

Back in the living room, the horror fest continues when the phone
RINGS. Everyone ignores it. It RINGS again.

Finally, Randy grabs the receiver from the side table.

RANDY
Hello? Yeah... HOLY SHIT.

Randy, freaked, drops the phone, finds the TV remote and pauses
the movie, the others protest "Hey, Put is back..." etc.

RANDY
Listen up. They found Principal Himbry
dead. He was gutted and hung from the goal
post on the football field.

This stills the room. Complete silence as the news sinks in. On
different faces... a moment of devastation...disbelief. And then:

TEEN #1
So what are we waiting for?

TEEN #2
Let's get over there before they pry him
down.

And in seconds the room is empty as everyone bolts for the
door...HOOTIN' and HOLLERIN' ... leaving Randy, near drunk, alone
in the living room. He returns to the movie.

RANDY
We were just getting to the good part.
Genres: ["Horror","Thriller","Mystery"]

Summary Randy educates a group of teens on surviving a horror movie while watching one in a living room. Gale and Deputy Dewey leave to investigate a lead, while Billy and Sidney are intimate in a bedroom. The discovery of Principal Himbry's dead body creates urgency and conflict as the teens decide to investigate, leaving Randy alone in the room.
Strengths
  • Innovative concept
  • Sharp dialogue
  • Blend of horror and humor
  • Meta commentary on horror tropes
Weaknesses
  • Emotional impact could be stronger
  • Character arcs could be more pronounced
Critique
  • The scene starts with a group of teens watching a horror movie, which sets the tone for the party atmosphere. However, the dialogue feels a bit forced and cliched, lacking depth and originality.
  • The rules of surviving a horror movie explained by Randy are interesting, but they are presented in a way that feels too on-the-nose and takes away from the natural flow of the conversation.
  • The transition to Gale and Dewey investigating a lead feels abrupt and disconnected from the party scene, making it seem like two separate storylines are happening simultaneously.
  • The intimate moment between Billy and Sidney in the bedroom lacks emotional depth and comes across as more focused on physicality rather than genuine connection.
  • The revelation of Principal Himbry's death and the reaction of the teens feels rushed and lacks the necessary impact to convey the gravity of the situation.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more depth and authenticity to the dialogue between the teens watching the horror movie to make it feel more natural and engaging.
  • Find a more subtle and integrated way to introduce the rules of surviving a horror movie, perhaps through a more organic conversation or interaction between the characters.
  • Work on smoother transitions between different storylines to ensure a cohesive flow and connection between scenes.
  • Focus on building a stronger emotional connection between Billy and Sidney in the bedroom scene to make their intimacy more meaningful and impactful.
  • Enhance the impact of Principal Himbry's death by allowing more time for the revelation to sink in and exploring the emotional reactions of the characters in a more nuanced way.



Scene 32 - Ghostface Attacks
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 7
INT. NEWSVAN – MINUTES LATER

Kenny is barely watching the monitor, he reached boredom some time
ago. He finds a bag of Cheetos and chows down when he hears
SCREAMING from outside. He peers out the window to see the last of
the PARTY KIDS pile into two cars and race off down the road.

He chews a Cheeto slowly, his interest piqued.


INT. BEDROOM – MINUTES LATER

The sex is over... and both Sid and Billy are dressing
respectively. That post-sex awkwardness.

Sid brushes out her hair as her eyes come to rest on the telephone
on the nightstand... it puzzles her as a stark reveleation crosses
her face. She turns to Billy who sits on the floor, putting on his
shoes.

SIDNEY
Who did you call?
BILLY
What?

SIDNEY
When you're arrested you're allowed one
phone call? Who did you call?

BILLY
I called my dad.

SIDNEY
No, Sheriff Burke called your dad. I saw
him.

BILLY
Yeah... and when I called no one answered.

SIDNEY
Uh-huh.

BILLY
You don't still think it was me?

SIDNEY
No, but if it were you, that would have
been a very clever way to throw me off
track. Using your one phone call to call
me so I wouldn't think it was you.

Billy stands up.

BILLY
What do I have to do to prove to you I'm
not a killer?

He makes a move toward her when...from behind, in a split instant,
from the open balcony doors comes...


THE GHOST FIGURE

Sidney sees the Figure immediately, SCREAMING. Billy tries to calm
her, oblivious to the advancing Ghost.

SIDNEY
BILLYWATCHOUT!!!!

Billy barely turns as a long steely blade rises high in the air.
It strikes down with force... hitting his chest as blood sprays
the air.


ON SIDNEY

As red crimson splatters across her face... as the knife is thrust
in and out of Billy who tries hard to put up a fight... but it's
useless... he never had a chance. His body falls to the floor...
lifeless.
ANGLE ON GHOST

As he watches Billy's body come to a still before quietly, calmly
turning his attention to...

Sidney who stands, numb... scared to death. And only when the
Ghost takes a step forward does Sidney break. She takes off like a
rocket... leaping over the bed and out the door.


INT. HALLWAY – CONTINUOUS

Sidney tears out the door and down the hall, coated in Billy's
blood.


ANGLE ON THE GHOST

As he catches up with her, grabbing hold of her collar. She pulls
away from him... her shirt ripping down the back.

Her hands find a door knob and she goes for it, pulling the door
open... moving quickly inside... locking it behind her.


INT. DARK SPACE – CONTINUOUS

Total darkness. Sidney's hands scour the wall for a light switch.
The doorknob turns... the lock holds... as the door is nearly
SHAKEN from it's hinges... and then...

NOTHING. All goes silent. Only Sidney's rapid BREATHING fills the
space around her.

Sidney, trembling, shaking, reaches above her, feeling, until she
finds a string. She pulls it... as a lightbulb SWITCHES on
overhead.

She's in a small box of a room. The door is on one side, a small,
narrow staircase on the other. She eyes the doorknob, then the
staircase... contemplating... but it's an easy decision. There's
no fucking way she's going up to the attic.

She unlocks the door and pushes on it. But it won't give... she
pushes on it again. It's locked from the other side. Shit. She
turns to the staircase.
Genres: ["Horror","Thriller","Mystery"]

Summary Kenny discovers a disturbance at a party. In a bedroom, Billy and Sidney argue about a phone call. Ghostface kills Billy. Sidney escapes and hides in a storage room, where she becomes trapped.
Strengths
  • Intense atmosphere
  • Shocking twist
  • Emotional impact
  • High stakes
Weaknesses
  • Some cliched horror tropes
  • Predictable character reactions
Critique
  • The scene starts off with a shift in tone from a light-hearted party atmosphere to a tense and suspenseful moment, which can be jarring for the audience. Consider building up the tension more gradually.
  • The dialogue between Sidney and Billy feels a bit forced and expository, especially when they discuss the phone call. Try to make the conversation more natural and organic to the characters.
  • The introduction of the Ghost Figure is sudden and lacks proper buildup, which diminishes the impact of the reveal. Consider foreshadowing or hinting at the presence of the Ghost Figure earlier in the scene.
  • The death of Billy happens quite abruptly and without much emotional impact. Try to build up the tension and suspense leading to his demise to make it more impactful for the audience.
  • The transition from Billy's death to Sidney's escape is a bit rushed and could benefit from more detailed description of Sidney's emotions and actions in the moment.
Suggestions
  • Consider revising the dialogue between Sidney and Billy to make it more natural and less expository.
  • Build up the tension and suspense leading to the introduction of the Ghost Figure to create a more impactful reveal.
  • Add more emotional depth to Billy's death scene to make it resonate with the audience.
  • Provide a smoother transition between Billy's death and Sidney's escape to maintain the flow of the scene.
  • Consider adding more visual and sensory details to enhance the atmosphere and immerse the audience in the moment.



Scene 33 - Danger Lurks in the Dark
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 7
EXT. DARK ROAD – CONTINUOUS

A long, deserted country road. In the distance, a single
flashlight beams ahead, the only light in the black night. Gale
and Dewey can be heard.

GALE
So is Dewey your real name?

DEWEY
Dwight. Dewey was something I got stuck
with a long time ago.
GALE
I like it. It's... sexy.

DEWEY
Nah... it's just this town's way of not
taking me serious.

GALE
What about Gale Weathers? I sound like a
meteorologist...


CLOSE ON GALE AND DEWEY

Walking closely, side by side-flirtatiously. Gale is surprisingly
nervous.

GALE
People treat me like the Antichrist of
television journalism.

DEWEY
I don't think you're so bad.

Gale smiles.

GALE
Are all the local boys as sweet as you?

Dewey blushes. He starts to say something when headlights appear
behind them. They both spin as TWO CARS loaded with KIDS come
racing right at them.

Dewey grabs Gale and pushes her off the road... just as the cars
speed by, oblivious to them.


IN THE DITCH

Gale lands face up with Dewey right on top of her. He steals a
glance in her eyes before rolling off her.

DEWEY
You okay?

Something takes Gale's attention.

GALE
What's that?

Dewey looks to where gale points. He finds the flashlight and aims
it into the bush. The tail end of a car is just visible.

DEWEY
Looks like a car.

Dewey helps her up and they move to it. He shines the flashlight
on the plates but it's already obvious to the CAMERA. This is the
same car we last saw Sidney's father driving away in.
DEWEY
Shit. It's Neil Prescott's car.

GALE
Sidney's father?

DEWEY
We gotta get back. Jesus. He's here. What
the fuck is he doing here?

Dewey is panicked. He grabs Gale and they race off down the road.


INT. LIVING ROOM – CONTINUOUS

Randy continues to watch TV. He is now sloppy drunk, completely
involved in the movie on the screen.

SCARY MUSIC SWELLS, filling the room.

RANDY
(to TV)
No, Jamie. Look behind you! Watch out!
Behind you!

And if he followed his own advice, he would see the Ghost Masked
Figure that stands directly behind him... knife poised.


INT. NEWSVAN – CONTINUOUS

Kenny finishes off a soda and crushes the can in his hand. He
tosses it to the floor when a movement from the monitor catches
his eye.

ON THE MONITOR is Randy, still on the couch, engrossed in the
movie. Directly behind him... the GHOST. Kenny does a double-take.
No fucking way. He watches as the GHOST stands still, unmoving,
knife raised.

KENNY
JESUS... FUCK...

The Ghost takes a silent step forward.

KENNY
(screaming at the monitor)
BEHIND YOU! LOOK BEHIND YOU!

This kid needs help. Kenny bolts out of his seat and goes for the
side door. He slides it open and sticks his head out as...


A LONG, SHARP BLADE

Comes at Kenny, fast and furious... slicing into his throat. Kenny
falls forward... out the door as the Ghost Masked Figure is upon
him.
THE CAMERA PANS TO THE MONITOR

Just in time to see the Ghost Masked Figure turn away from Randy,
leaving him unharmed, moving instead, out the front door, on a
thirty second walk to the newsvan.


INT. ATTIC – CONTINUOUS

The attic is long and narrow... cluttered with furniture, boxes,
and the likes... moonlight filters in through a small raised
window on the front wall of the house.

Sidney moves through the attic... BUMPING into this, KNOCKING over
that... she passes a dusty mirror, jumping at her own reflection.
She cringes at her image, drenched in Billy's blood. She stares
long and hard... something about the blood, the redness of it. She
moves on, determined.

She eyes the raised window above her... a way out... if she could
only reach it...


EXT. FRONT YARD

Gale and Dewey come running up the drive, frantic.

DEWEY
I'll call for backup.

GALE
I'll get my camera.

They split up. The CAMERA FOLLOWS GALE as she rushes to the
newsvan, throwing open the door.

GALE
Kenny! Camera! Quick!

The van is empty.

GALE
Kenny?

A CAR HORN goes off. Gale spins around. It came from the patrol
jeep in the driveway.

GALE
(calling out)
Dewey?

She moves across the yard to the jeep, the door hangs open...
Dewey is nowhere to be found.

GALE
Dewey? Where are you?

A look of pure dread comes over Gale.
INT. ATTIC – CONTINUOUS

Sidney has stacked object after object building a ladder to the
window. She climbs to the top, holding onto the window frame.

She spots Gale almost immedietely. She SCREAMS OUT, looking for
the window latch. But there's not one. It doesn't open. Sidney
starts beating on it... trying to break it...
Genres: ["Horror","Thriller","Mystery"]

Summary Gale and Dewey walk down a dark road and narrowly avoid being run over by two cars. They discover Neil Prescott's crashed car and realize he is in Woodsboro. Meanwhile, Randy is oblivious to the Ghost Masked Figure behind him, and Kenny is killed when he investigates the figure on a monitor. Sidney tries to escape through the attic window but finds it locked. Gale and Dewey arrive at the house, realizing Sidney is in danger and rush to her aid.
Strengths
  • Building tension
  • Creating suspense
  • Evoking fear and anxiety
  • Strong emotional impact
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue could be more impactful
  • Certain character reactions could be further developed
Critique
  • The scene starts off with a flirtatious interaction between Gale and Dewey, which seems out of place given the tense and suspenseful atmosphere of the overall story. The focus on their banter detracts from the urgency of the situation with Neil Prescott's car crash.
  • The transition from Gale and Dewey's conversation to Randy watching TV is abrupt and disjointed. The shift in focus is jarring and disrupts the flow of the scene.
  • The buildup of suspense with the Ghost Masked Figure behind Randy is effective, but the resolution is lacking. The figure's sudden departure without any consequences feels anticlimactic.
  • Kenny's death in the newsvan is sudden and lacks impact. The scene could benefit from more tension and buildup leading to his demise.
  • Sidney's actions in the attic, while determined, feel somewhat disconnected from the rest of the scene. The urgency of her situation could be heightened to create a more gripping climax.
Suggestions
  • Consider revising the opening dialogue between Gale and Dewey to better align with the overall tone of the scene and the story's suspenseful nature.
  • Smooth out the transition between different character perspectives to maintain a cohesive narrative flow.
  • Enhance the resolution of the Ghost Masked Figure's presence behind Randy to deliver a more impactful and satisfying conclusion.
  • Build up the tension leading to Kenny's death in the newsvan to create a more suspenseful and memorable moment.
  • Refine Sidney's actions in the attic to increase the sense of urgency and desperation, making her struggle more engaging for the audience.



Scene 34 - Terrifying Escape and Deadly Ambush
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 7
EXT. FRONT DOOR – CONTINUOUS

Gale, hanging tough, approaches the front door, unable to hear
Sidney's SCREAMS three floors up. Gale reaches for the door just
as she hears LOUD, HORRIBLE SHRIEKS from just inside. She backs
away.


INT. LIVING ROOM – CONTINUOUS

AN EAR-CURDLING JAMIE LEE CURTIS SCREAM BLASTS through the empty
living room as the horror movie on TV comes to it's horrifying
climax.

Randy is now gone.


EXT. FRONT YARD – CONTINUOUS

Gale races across the yard putting distance between her and the
house. She moves back to the van...


INT. ATTIC – CONTINUOUS

Sidney has found an old tennis racket. She swings a solid forehand
at the window.


THE WINDOW SPRAYS GLASS

Sidney moves quickly, lifting herself up over broken glass and
pulling herself through the window frame.


EXT. SIDE OF THE HOUSE

Sidney wastes no time. She looks for Gale, SCREAMING, but Gale is
gone.

Sid lowers herself down the ledge, sliding down a sloped portion
of the roof onto...


THE MASTER'S BEDROOM BALCONY

Then she eases herself over the railing and lowers herself,
letting herself hang as low as she can... then she lets go, free-
falling the rest of the way... but in a split instant...
THE GHOST APPEARS

Grabbing her wrists in midair.

Her body hangs, dangling against the side of the house. The Ghost
begins to lift her, pulling her back onto the balcony.

Sidney jerks, pulls, twists... but the HANDS have her, hoisting
her up... Sidney SCREAMS MADLY... yanking one last time, freeing
herself.

SHE DROPS TO THE GROUND, a good seven feet, landing on her back,
hitting hard. She grabs at a pained leg and brings herself
upright.


INT. NEWSVAN – CONTINUOUS

Gale is frantic. She starts the engine up and hits the headlights
when she discovers she can't see out of the windshield.

Gale rubs at the glass. Sure enough, something is on the
windshield outside, blocking her sight. Gale hits the wipers as
BLOOD SMEARS across the glass, it drips down from above.

Gale SCREAMS as a HAND reaches in through the open window... she
looks up to see...

Randy, staring at her madly.

RANDY
What's going on?

A sheer moment of fear as Gale hits the gas plummeting the car
forward, into a ditch. She hits the BRAKES. Randy is thrown
forward, away from the van.

Gale reverses, backs up, hits the brakes again... just as Kenny's
face comes sliding down the outside of the windshield... eyes
wide, face distorted, blood everywhere.

Gale hits the gas, and yanks the wheel, sending Kenny's corpse
flying off the top of the van.

Gale spins the van around, onto the road, hits the gas madly,
gaining speed just as...


SIDNEY APPEARS

In the middle of the road, drenched in blood, very much resembling
a young Sissy Spacek.

Gale swerves to miss her, but she turns too sharp and the van
veers off the road at top speed... flipping over on its side,
sliding off into the thick foliage.
EXT. ROAD – CONTINUOUS

Sidney races to where the van lay on it's side. Sidney peers
through the windshield... Gale's body lay limp and bloody.

SIDNEY CRIES OUT, turning, limping to the driveway. She sees the
patrol jeep with it's open door... she goes for it.


INT. JEEP

Sidney hops in, reaches for the ignition... NO KEYS! Shit. Just
then, Sidney's eyes go to the front porch. She watches as the
front door opens and a FIGURE appears in the darkness,
undetectable.

Sidney throws the headlights... illuminating the front side of the
house, revealing...

DEWEY STANDING IN THE DOORWAY.

SIDNEY
DEWEY!

Sidney opens the jeep door, moving to him, noticing his body,
slumped, knees buckled...

And then his body falls forward, slowly, deliberately, hitting the
porch hard. Standing behind him is...


THE GHOST

SIDNEY SCREAMS FROM THE BOTTOM OF HER SOUL.

SIDNEY
NOOOOOOOO!!!!!

Sid jumps back inside the jeep, closing the door, locking it. She
reaches over and locks the passenger's door and then she... waits.

And watches as the Ghost leans over Dewey's still body, fumbling
with something. Then the Figure stands upright, in his hands he
holds...


THE KEYS

They jingle in the wind, the Ghost toying with her, enjoying
this...

Sidney, hysterical, locks eyes with the Figure as he moves to the
door, Sidney leaps on it, holding the lock button down, making it
impossible to unlock. Her face is pressed against the glass...
inches from the Masked Figure.

She uses every ounce of strength when suddenly, the Ghost
Disappears, dropping down, below the window, out of her view.
Sidney moves to the center of the jeep, trying hard to listen over
her own RAPID BREATHING, every sound AMPLIFIED.

Then she hears it, the soft JINGLING of keys near the passengers
side door. She pounces on the lock, holding it down.

A shadow cuts the beam of the headlights, unseen by Sidney. The
lock turns on the other side. Sidney leaps over and holds it down,
securing it. This is beyond nerve-racking. Sidney is certifiable.

Her eyes spot the police radio for the first time. She grabs the
mouthpiece and hits the switch.

SIDNEY
Help! Please! I'm at Stu Maker's house on
Turner Lane. Please, HE'S GONNA KILL ME!
Genres: ["Horror","Thriller","Mystery"]

Summary Sidney makes a daring escape from the house, while Gale faces a horrifying encounter in her news van. As Sidney calls for help, she's confronted by the Ghost, taunting her with the keys to her vehicle. Trapped in the jeep, Sidney locks herself in as the relentless Ghost circles, leaving her in a chilling and perilous situation.
Strengths
  • Intense action
  • Suspenseful atmosphere
  • Emotional depth
  • Strong character development
Weaknesses
  • Minimal dialogue
  • Some cliched horror tropes
Critique
  • The scene starts with a lot of tension and suspense, which is great for a horror movie. However, the transition between the different locations and events could be smoother to enhance the flow of the scene.
  • There are some moments of intense action and fear, such as Sidney's escape from the attic and the confrontation with the Ghost Figure. These moments could be further heightened by building up the suspense and fear through more detailed descriptions.
  • The scene includes a lot of movement and action, which is engaging for the audience. However, some of the actions and reactions of the characters could be more clearly described to ensure the reader can visualize the scene effectively.
  • The use of sound, such as Sidney's screams and the loud shrieks from the horror movie on TV, adds to the atmosphere of fear and tension in the scene. This element could be further emphasized to create a more immersive experience for the audience.
  • The scene effectively builds up the danger and threat faced by Sidney, especially with the appearance of the Ghost Figure and the subsequent events. This escalation of tension keeps the audience engaged and invested in the outcome.
Suggestions
  • Consider refining the transitions between different locations and events to create a smoother flow in the scene.
  • Enhance the descriptions of intense action and fear to further engage the audience and build suspense effectively.
  • Clarify the actions and reactions of the characters to ensure the reader can visualize the scene clearly.
  • Emphasize the use of sound to heighten the atmosphere of fear and tension in the scene.
  • Continue to escalate the danger and threat faced by Sidney to maintain the audience's engagement and investment in the outcome.



Scene 35 - Attack at Stu's House
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 9
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 8
EXT. FRONT OF JEEP

ANGLE through front windshield. Sidney RANTING into the police
band. She doesn't see the...

GHOST FIGURE open the tailgate door of the jeep and slowly crawl
in behind her.

The Ghost Figure reaches out and grabs hold of Sidney's neck.

Sidney, with surprising strength, spins around and attacks the
Ghost.

She falls back against the dash, legs out, kicking wildly at him.

Her hand reaches for the door, finds the lock, the door lever, she
pulls...

The door swings open...

Sidney falls out of the door, hitting the ground.


EXT. FRONT YARD – CONTINUOUS

Sidney, on her stomach, squirms away from the jeep. She brings
herself up to her hands and knees, looking behind her to see
nothing...

THE GHOST HAS DISAPPEARED.

Sidney's eyes roam the yard but he's nowhere. Completely gone.
Vanished. Sid crawls to the front porch where...


DEWEY'S BODY LAY

Thinking quickly, precisely, she reaches to Dewey's holster and
grabs his gun when a VOICE ECHOS behind her...

VOICE (O.S.)
Sidney!
She turns to see Randy racing to her, limping. He appears stone
cold sober.

RANDY
Jesus, Sid. We gotta get out of here.

Sidney throws the gun forward.

SIDNEY
Stop. Right there.

RANDY
Don't shoot. It's me.

SIDNEY
Don't come any closer.

RANDY
Listen to me, Sid. I found Tatum. She's
dead, she's been killed... I think Stu did
it.

He takes a step forward when another VOICE SPEAKS UP.

VOICE (O.S.)
Don't believe him, Sid.

Sidney spins around to see Stu moving up the walk.

STU
He's lying. He killed Tatum. And Billy.

Stu moves closer to Sidney.

SIDNEY
Stay away.

She aims the gun in his direction.

STU
His movie nut mind has snapped, Sid. He's
gone psycho.

RANDY
Don't listen to him. It's him. He's the
one.

Sidney has lost it, she doesn't know who to trust. She aims the
gun at Stu...then Randy...then Stu...

STU
Come on, Sid. Give me the gun.

RANDY
No, Sid.

They both move toward her. There's no time. She must act now.
Finally...
SIDNEY
Fuck you both.

And with that, Sidney steps back into the house and SLAMS the
front door shut.
Genres: ["Horror","Thriller","Mystery"]

Summary Sidney fights off the Ghost Figure and finds Dewey's body. Confronted by Randy and Stu, each blaming the other, she points a gun but decides against shooting either, returning to the house.
Strengths
  • Intense atmosphere
  • Strong character dynamics
  • Emotional depth
  • High stakes
Weaknesses
  • Some predictable elements
  • Slightly convoluted plot progression
Critique
  • The scene starts with a high level of tension and action, which is engaging for the audience. However, the transition from Sidney being attacked in the jeep to suddenly falling out and the Ghost Figure disappearing feels a bit abrupt and could be smoother to maintain the suspense.
  • The sudden appearance of Dewey's body without any build-up or explanation can be confusing for the audience. It would be beneficial to provide some context or foreshadowing to make his presence more impactful and logical within the scene.
  • The dialogue between Randy and Sidney, as well as Stu's sudden entrance, adds to the tension and uncertainty in the scene. However, the back and forth accusations and pleas for trust could be more nuanced to deepen the emotional impact and keep the audience on edge.
  • The decision-making process for Sidney in terms of who to trust and ultimately her choice to shut the door on both Randy and Stu is a pivotal moment in the scene. This moment could be heightened by exploring Sidney's internal conflict and emotions more deeply to make her actions more impactful and relatable.
  • The scene effectively sets up a cliffhanger with Sidney shutting the door on both Randy and Stu, leaving the audience eager to see what happens next. However, the resolution of this cliffhanger should be carefully crafted to deliver a satisfying payoff and maintain the momentum of the story.
Suggestions
  • Consider refining the transition between Sidney being attacked in the jeep and falling out to create a more seamless and suspenseful sequence.
  • Provide some context or foreshadowing for Dewey's body to enhance the impact of his sudden appearance in the scene.
  • Fine-tune the dialogue between Randy, Sidney, and Stu to add depth to their interactions and increase the tension in the scene.
  • Explore Sidney's internal conflict and emotional turmoil more deeply to make her decision to shut the door on Randy and Stu more impactful and resonant.
  • Ensure that the resolution of the cliffhanger involving Sidney shutting the door on Randy and Stu delivers a satisfying payoff and propels the story forward effectively.



Scene 36 - The Unmasking of the Ghostface Killers
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 9
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 8
INT. LIVING ROOM / FOYER

Sid locks and bolts the door. From the other side she can hear
Randy SCREAMING.

RANDY
NO, SID. OPEN UP. PLEASE... HE'S GONE
CRAZY.

His fists POUND against the door. Sidney, stumbling in the
darkness, rushes to the phone in the living room. Just as she
reaches for it... it RINGS. It scares the life out of her. She
SCREAMS, yanking it up.

SIDNEY
Please! God! Help me!

VOICE
(from the phone)
Having fun Sidney?

Sidney falls apart, SCREAMING.

SIDNEY
NOOOOOOOOO!!!

She throws the phone down, disconnecting the call.

Sid moves back to the door. RANDY'S SCREAMS ARE MADDENING. She
eyes the lock, deliberating.

SIDNEY
(at the door)
GOAWAYLEAVEMEALONE!

CLUNK! A NOISE UPSTAIRS.

Sidney looks up the staircase, into the darkness, her face SHOCKED
to see...


BILLY

Emerging from the shadows, stumbling down the stairs. Very much
alive.

SIDNEY
Oh God. Billy!

He's blood-soaked and dazed. Sidney meets him in the landing,
grabbing him, holding him...
SIDNEY
I thought you were...

BILLY
I'm alright. Gotta... get... help.

Billy goes for the door.

SIDNEY
He's out there.

Randy continues POUNDING ON THE DOOR, SCREAMING AT THE TOP OF HIS
LUNGS.

RANDY
(through door)
Please, you gotta let me in. He's gonna
kill me.

Billy goes for the door. Sidney blocks him.

SIDNEY
NO! Don't believe him.

BILLY
It's okay. Give me the gun.

Sidney hands him the gun. Billy turns and unlocks the door,
opening it. Randy rushes in, grabbing Billy, pleading...

RANDY
Help me...

BILLY
(calming him)
Shhhh. It's okay.

RANDY
Stu's flipped out. He's gone mad.

Slowly, a small smile creeps across Billy's face.

BILLY
"We all go a little mad sometimes."

Randy squints, confused, as Billy aims the gun at Randy and pulls
the trigger. The BLAST throws Randy's body against the wall before
sliding to a heap on the floor... still.

BILLY
Anthony Perkins – PSYCHO

BILLY TURNS TO SIDNEY...

Who stands only feet away, face aghast...

Fuck, no... this can't be happening. Billy's eyes are on her,
unmoving.
He sticks his tongue out and slowly licks the blood dried to his
face... tasting it.

BILLY
Corn syrup. Same stuff they used for pig's
blood in CARRIE.

Sidney is dumbfounded. Slowly, she takes a step back, moving into
the dark refines of the kitchen.

Billy, lurches forward in a fake-out, baiting her. She takes
another step back, petrified.


CLOSE ON BILLY'S FACE

It is no longer familiar to Sidney. There is something inhuman now
about his features. His expression is pure evil.

She takes another step back, shrinking into the dark kitchen.

THE CAMERA TAKES A MOMENT TO ADJUST TO THE DARKNESS as the outline
of a Figure appears...

STANDING RIGHT BEHIND SIDNEY.

She continues to back up, moving right into the arms of...


STU

Sidney spins around... her mouth open in speechless horror.

SIDNEY
Stu... please... help me...

Stu stares back at her, eyes wide, lips curled in a subtle smile
as he holds a small compact CELLULAR PHONE up to his face.

STU
(whispering into phone)
Surprise, Sidney.

His VOICE sounds affected now... the VOICE of the killer.

Sidney looks back to Billy, then to Stu, then to Billy again. It
becomes all too clear.

She stands between them, her mind racing, calculating...


SHE BOLTS INTO THE LIVING ROOM

If for no other reason than to put space between her and them...
they stand in the entryway, trapping her in.

BILLY
Where ya going? It's not over yet. We've
got one more surprise – Stu, I believe
it's your turn.
STU
Oh yeah

Stu disappears into the kitchen.

BILLY
(to Sidney)
What's wrong? You look like you've seen a
ghost.

Sidney stands, trying hard to hold a calm resolve.

A NOISE comes from the kitchen. A low dragging sound. Stu
reappears from the front hall... wrestling with something...
someone...


CLOSE ON STU

He has a body in tow, he thrusts it forward and it rolls into the
living room. Sidney looks down to find...


HER FATHER

Bound and gagged. His eyes wide in fear, very much alive.

SIDNEY
Daddy!

She starts for him.

BILLY
Close enough.

Stu places the cellular phone in Mr. Prescott's shirt pocket.

STU
Guess, I won't be needing this anymore.

SIDNEY
Why are you doing this?

STU
It's all part of the game.

BILLY
It's called GUESS HOW I'M GOING TO DIE!

SIDNEY
Fuck you.

BILLY
We already played that game. You lost,
remember?

STU
You have to play, Sid. Don't want to
disappoint your dad. He's been waiting
around all night.
BILLY
It's an easy game. We ask you a question.
If you get it wrong you die.

STU
And if you get it right you die.

SIDNEY
You're crazy. Both of you.

STU
The official term is "psychotic".

SIDNEY
You'll never get away with this.

BILLY
Tell that to Cotton Weary. You wouldn't
believe how easy it was to frame him.

STU
Yeah, we just watched a few movies. Took a
few notes. It was fun.

Billy and Stu relish their madness, proud of themselves.
Genres: ["Horror","Thriller","Mystery"]

Summary Sidney locks the door as Randy screams for help, claiming someone is after him. A terrifying phone call and a strange noise upstairs reveal Billy, alive and wielding a gun. He shoots Randy, revealing himself and Stu as the Ghostface killers. Trapped and with her father held hostage, Sidney is forced into a deadly game with her tormentors.
Strengths
  • Revealing twist of the killers' identities
  • Intense and suspenseful atmosphere
  • Strong emotional impact on the audience
Weaknesses
  • Some cliched dialogue lines
  • Slightly predictable reveal of the killers
Critique
  • The scene is filled with tension and suspense, which is great for a horror screenplay. However, some of the dialogue feels a bit cliched and could be more nuanced to add depth to the characters.
  • The reveal of Billy and Stu as the killers is a classic twist, but it could be executed in a more surprising and impactful way to truly shock the audience.
  • The interaction between Sidney, Billy, and Stu could be more intense and emotionally charged to heighten the stakes and make the scene more gripping.
  • The dialogue could be more subtle and less on-the-nose to create a more chilling and unsettling atmosphere, fitting for a horror film.
  • The pacing of the scene could be improved by adding more suspenseful moments and building up to the reveal of the killers in a more gradual and suspenseful manner.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more layers to the dialogue to make the characters more complex and the scene more engaging.
  • Work on the reveal of Billy and Stu as the killers to make it more shocking and unexpected for the audience.
  • Focus on intensifying the emotions and tension between the characters to create a more impactful and memorable scene.
  • Refine the dialogue to be more subtle and atmospheric, enhancing the horror elements of the scene.
  • Enhance the pacing by building up suspense and tension leading to the climax of the scene.



Scene 37 - Confrontation and Revelation
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 9
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 8
Sidney looks to her dad, sees the tears in his eyes. She looks
back to Billy, unflinching...a determined look on her face.

SIDNEY
Why did you kill my mother?

BILLY
Why? WHY? Did you hear that, Stu? I think
she wants a motive. Hmmm... I don't really
believe in motives, Sid. I mean, did
Norman Bates have a motive?

Stu plays along, shaking his head.

STU
Nope.

BILLY
And did they really ever explain why
Hannibal Lecter liked to eat people? Don't
think so. You see, it's scarier when
there's no motive, Sid.

SIDNEY
(fighting tears)
I don't understand...

BILLY
We did your mom a favor, Sid. The woman
was a slut bag whore who flashed her shit
all over town like she was Sharon Stone or
something.
STU
(laughing)
... so we put her out of her misery. I
mean, let's face it, your mom was no
Sharon Stone.

Stu cracks up over this while Billy turns very serious.

BILLY
Is that motive enough for you? Or how
about this? Did you know your slut mother
was sleeping with my dad and she's the
reason my mom moved out and deserted me.

A sudden silence. Sidney is rigid with shock, his words resonant
with truth.

SIDNEY
What?

Even Stu is surprised with his seriousness.

BILLY
Think about it. On the off chance I get
caught, a motive like that could divide a
jury for years, don't you think?. You took
my mother, so I took yours. Big sympathy
factor. Maternal abandonment causes
serious deviant behavior. It certainly
fucked you up. It made you have sex with a
psychopath.

STU
That's right and now that you're no longer
a virgin. You gotta die. Those are the
rules.

Billy sits the gun down on the table near the foyer. And then
moves to Sidney with the butcher knife in hand.

BILLY
Pretend this is all just a scary movie,
Sid. How do you think it's going to end?

Sidney doesn't respond.

STU
(excited)
This is the best part, Sid. Billy's got it
all figured out. Why do you think we kept
your father alive so long? Why did we save
you for last?

BILLY
You know what time it is, Sid? It's after
midnight. It's your mother's anniversary.
We killed her exactly one year ago today.

Billy turns to Stu with the knife. They eye each other.
BILLY
Ready?

STU
Yeah...

Billy pulls the knife back and brings it forward quickly, slicing
into Stu. He stumbles to ho his knees, WINCING in pain.

STU
Jesus...

Sidney SCREAMS... as blood gushes...real blood, a dark, deep red.
Stu inspects the wound to his side... then he smiles...

STU
Good one. My turn.

He takes the knife from Billy.

BILLY
Don't forget, stay to the side and don't
go too deep.

Stu stabs at Billy's belly, puncturing him... Billy doubles
over...

BILLY
Jesus... fuck, that hurt.

SIDNEY
Stop it!

BILLY
(squelching the pain)
Got the ending figured out yet? Time's
running out.

STU
Come on, Sid. Think about it. Your father
is the chief suspect. We cloned his
cellular. The evidence is there.

Billy takes the knife and slashes at Stu's arm, two quick cuts...
he doubles over...

BILLY
What if your father snapped? Your mom's
anniversary set him off and he went on a
murder spree, killing everyone...

STU
(in major pain)
Except for me and Billy... we were left
for dead...

BILLY
And then he killed you and then shoots
himself in the head. It's a perfect
ending.
STU
Everyone dies but us. We get to carry on
and plan the sequel. Let's face it, these
days you gotta have a sequel.

Stu takes the knife and cuts at Billy.

SIDNEY
You sick fucks you've seen one too many
movies.

Billy looks at her, bent over, crazed.

BILLY
Oh Sid, don't blame the movies... Movies
don't create psychos. Movies just make
psychos more creative.

Stu staggers a bit.

STU
That's it, Billy. I can't take any more.
I'm feeling woozy.

BILLY
Get the gun. I'll untie Pops.

Billy moves to Sidney's father.

STU
Where'd you put it?

Stu is searching the foyer for the gun.

BILLY
It's on the table.

STU
No, it's not.

Billy hobbles over. The gun is gone.

BILLY
Where the fuck is it?

VOICE
(off camera)
Right here, asshole.

Billy and Stu look up in unison to see...


GALE WEATHERS – CORRESPONDENT FROM INSIDE STORY

Standing in the front door way, gun in hand. Her body tattered and
bloody. Her hair a mess.

BILLY
I thought she was dead.
STU
She looked dead. Still does.

Gale holds the gun firm, in total control.

GALE
I've got an ending for you. The reporter
left for dead in the newsvan comes to,
stumbles upon you two dipshits, finds the
gun, fumbles your plan, and saves the day.

Sidney steps forward.

SIDNEY
I like that ending.
Genres: ["Horror","Thriller","Mystery"]

Summary Sidney confronts Billy and Stu about her mother's murder. Billy reveals his twisted motives and the two engage in a violent confrontation. Gale Weathers, who was thought to be dead, appears with a gun and interrupts their plan.
Strengths
  • Revealing motive and betrayal
  • Intense dialogue
  • High emotional impact
  • Tension and suspense
Weaknesses
  • Graphic violence
  • Dark themes
Critique
  • The scene is intense and suspenseful, effectively building tension and showcasing the twisted motives of the killers.
  • The dialogue between Billy, Stu, and Sidney is chilling and reveals the depth of their depravity.
  • The scene effectively conveys the psychological manipulation and cruelty of the killers towards Sidney and her father.
  • The use of violence and gore is impactful in creating a sense of horror and danger.
  • The revelation of Gale's return as a strong and unexpected character adds a new dynamic to the scene.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more emotional depth to Sidney's reactions to the killers' revelations about her mother and father to further engage the audience.
  • Explore the psychological impact of the killers' actions on Sidney and her father in more detail to enhance the suspense and drama of the scene.
  • Ensure that the violence and gore serve a purpose in the narrative and contribute to the overall tension and horror of the scene.
  • Provide a clearer resolution to the conflict between Sidney, Billy, and Stu to give the scene a more satisfying conclusion.
  • Consider incorporating moments of vulnerability or fear in the killers to add complexity to their characters and make them more compelling antagonists.



Scene 38 - Confrontation and Attack
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 9
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 8
Billy lunges at Gale, but she holds steady. Billy and Stu eye each
other.

BILLY
She can't get both of us.

STU
Odds are she'll miss anyway.

In a mad rush, they storm Gale, heading straight at her. She pulls
the trigger, but nothing happens... the safety is on.

Billy charges forward, grabbing hold of the front door, SLAMMING
IT SHUT. It catches Gale in the face, knocking her backwards out
the door. She goes down... out.

STU
Cool move.

Billy steps out the front door and retrieves the gun from where
Gale lays. Then he turns back inside the house to find...

SIDNEY GONE.

BILLY
Where'd she go?

Stu looks around, staggering now, bleeding heavily... Sidney has
completely disappeared. Only her father, bound and gagged remains
in the living.

STU
I don't know Billy but I'm hurtin'.

BILLY
Where the fuck did she go?

Suddenly, the phone RINGS. Billy and Stu look at each other.
Completely surprised. Billy scrambles over to the phone.

BILLY
(picking up phone)
Hello?
SIDNEY
(from phone)
Are you alone in the house?

Billy looks to Mr. Prescott. The cellular phone is gone.

BILLY
You bitch, where the fuck are you?

SIDNEY
Not so fast. We're gonna play a little
game. It's called GUESS WHO JUST CALLED
THE POLICE AND REPORTED YOUR SORRY
MOTHERFUCKING ASS?

Billy looks around the living room.

BILLY
Find her.

Billy is fuming now... slightly staggering... and starting to lose
it. He SCREAMS at Stu who has fallen to his knees.

BILLY
FIND HER YOU DIPSHIT!

STU
I can't... I'm bad off, Billy. You cut to
deep.

Billy throws the phone at Stu. He mouths to him, so Sid can't
hear. "Talk to her... " Then Billy takes off for the kitchen. Stu
takes the phone.

SIDNEY
(aware)
So Stu, what's your motive? Billy's got
one. The police are on their way. What are
you going to tell them?

STU
Peer pressure... I'm way to sensitive.

Billy flies back in the room, grabbing the phone from Stu. He's
completely nuts now, staggering, bleeding, totally insane.

BILLY
(SCREAMING in phone)
I'm gonna rip you up bitch. Just like your
slut whore mother.

SIDNEY
Gotta find me first, you pansy-assed
Mama's boy.

Billy starts ripping the room up, overturning furniture in a mad
fit of rage... when he notices the hall closet. Touche! He smiles
deliriously, heading for it, ripping it open as...
A GHOST MASKED FIGURE strikes from within, with an umbrella, the
sharp end hitting him in the chest as it fans out. Billy stumbles
back, stunned, as the Ghost comes at him again... the umbrella
lodges in his chest, and he goes down.

Sidney rips the GHOST MASK off her head. She looks at Billy,
disgusted, throwing the mask on Billy's now still body. A movement
behind her sends her reeling around to find...

Randy slowly sitting up. His body drenched in blood. He's alive...
barely. He looks to Sidney... through pain...

RANDY
You know what I hate most about horror
movies? The final scene... it just goes on
and on... and it gets so stupid...

Randy manages to stand when a FIGURE COMES LEAPING at him,
completely unexpected... it's Stu... barreling into him... they
fall back into the living room. Sidney grabs the gun next to Billy
and turns to the living room to find...

Randy and Stu rolling across the floor in a dead lock, fighting,
both seriously injured... Sid tries to find aim when a...

HAND GRABS HOLD of Sidney's ankle, toppling her to the floor...
once again she finds Billy on top of her...


IN THE LIVING ROOM

Randy and Stu pound at each other, beating and clawing...


ON SIDNEY

As she fights viciously, attacking with everything she's got...

Randy is desperately trying to pry away from Stu... he grabs hold
of the television set and tries to pull himself off the floor out
of Stu's clutch...

His hands find the top of the TV... the VCR... he yanks on it,
gripping it with his hands, bringing it around with force-CRASHING
the VCR into Stu's head. Stu drops.


ON SIDNEY

As she digs her hand into Billy's open chest wound. He CRIES OUT
BLOODY MURDER. Her other hand brings the gun up to his face... but
he head bunts it out the front door... suddenly a flash of silver
appears above Sidney.

Billy has grasped the butcher knife... he rises it high above
Sidney ready to strike... when a bullet RIPS THROUGH THE FOYER
striking Billy knocking him back into the living room.

Sidney looks up to see...
GALE WEATHERS

Holding the gun in a death grip as smoke rises above the gun's
chamber.

Sidney sits up as Gale moves to her, helping her. Their eyes meet.
A life truce.
Genres: ["Horror","Thriller","Mystery"]

Summary In the chaotic depths of a house, Billy and Stu attack Gale, leaving Sidney to desperately fight back. As police sirens pierce the air, Billy and Stu engage in a tense phone call with Sidney, leading to a violent clash with Randy. The scene reaches its climax as Sidney, Gale, Billy, Stu, and Randy engage in a deadly struggle, culminating in injuries and deaths.
Strengths
  • Intense action
  • Twists and turns
  • Sharp dialogue
  • Emotional impact
  • High stakes
Weaknesses
  • Some cliched elements
  • Predictable character actions
Critique
  • The scene is intense and action-packed, with a lot of physical and emotional turmoil happening simultaneously.
  • There are moments of suspense and tension that are effectively built up, especially with the phone call and the confrontation between Sidney, Billy, and Stu.
  • The dialogue is impactful and reveals the twisted motives of the characters, adding depth to the scene.
  • The visual elements, such as the Ghost Masked Figure attacking Billy and Sidney's violent actions, create a vivid and engaging picture for the audience.
  • The scene effectively escalates the conflict and keeps the audience on the edge of their seats with unexpected twists and turns.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more internal monologue or emotional reactions from Sidney to give insight into her mindset and increase the audience's connection with her character.
  • Work on pacing to ensure that the action sequences flow smoothly and maintain a high level of tension throughout the scene.
  • Explore the dynamics between the characters further, especially the power struggle between Billy and Stu, to add more depth to their interactions.
  • Consider incorporating more sensory details to enhance the atmosphere and immerse the audience in the scene.
  • Ensure that the resolution of the scene is satisfying and ties up any loose ends while setting the stage for the next part of the story.



Scene 39 - Post-Kill Resolution
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 7
INT. LIVING ROOM – CONTINUOUS

Billy and Stu lay face up, head to head. Sid and Gale move over
them, staring down. Randy joins them.

RANDY
Sid, you found me out... I'm a virgin. And
pretty happy about it right now.

Sidney nudges their bodies. They both stir.

RANDY
Careful. This is the moment when you think
the killer's dead, but then he springs
back to life for one last scare.

Sidney grabs the gun from Gale.

SIDNEY
Not this time.

She positions her foot on Stu's chest and aims.

SIDNEY
This is for my Mom, asshole.

She SHOOTS him in the forehead, a clean and perfect shot. The she
aims the barrel at Billy who's eyes suddenly open, blinking up at
her, blood bubbling from his lips. He's not yet dead. Their eyes
lock.

SIDNEY
And this Billy stud-bucket is for having
an incredibly small weenie.

She FIRES another perfect shot. They're both goners.

Sidney drops the smoking gun, standing silent over the bodies. A
quiet moment when suddenly...


A FIGURE LUNGES AT THEM

Both Sid and Gale and Randy SCREAM in epic, final scare
proportions as Mr. Prescott leaps forward, still bound and gagged.

Sid catches her breath, relaxing.

SIDNEY
Oh Daddy...
She rushes to him, untying him... while Gale moves to the bookcase
and retrieves the hidden camera.

GALE
I wanna close-up.

Randy appears by Sidney's side, helping her untie her father.

RANDY
This is probably an inappropriate moment,
but you think you'd want to maybe go out
with me sometime... like on a date?

Sidney looks at him, dumbfounded.

RANDY
Maybe catch a movie?

A long moment as Sidney's face goes from disbelief to resignation
to the slight trace of a smile.

SIDNEY
Only if it's a nice Meg Ryan movie.

RANDY
You got it.

He smiles at her... watching as Sidney grabs hold of her father,
holding him tight as Gale Weathers, with camera in hand, gets one
hell of an ending to this SCARY MOVIE.



THE END
Genres: ["Horror","Thriller","Mystery"]

Summary In the aftermath of the killers' defeat, Sidney confronts her lingering trauma by executing Billy and Stu. Randy diffuses the tension with humor, ultimately securing a date with Sidney. Gale captures the scene for posterity, as Mr. Prescott's false alarm provides a final jolt of unease.
Strengths
  • Intense action
  • Emotional depth
  • Twists and turns
  • Satisfying resolution
  • Memorable dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Some cliched moments
  • Predictable character arcs
Critique
  • The scene lacks a sense of urgency and tension considering it is the climax of the screenplay. The dialogue between the characters feels forced and unrealistic, especially Randy's comment about being a virgin. The humor in the scene undercuts the seriousness of the moment, diminishing the impact of the resolution.
  • The resolution of the conflict with Billy and Stu feels rushed and lacks emotional depth. Sidney's lines come off as cheesy and detract from the gravity of the situation. The final scare with Mr. Prescott feels contrived and predictable, diminishing the impact of the twist.
  • The action sequences are not well-described, making it difficult for the reader to visualize the scene. The pacing of the scene is uneven, with abrupt shifts in tone and emotion that disrupt the flow of the climax. The dialogue lacks authenticity and fails to capture the intensity of the moment.
Suggestions
  • Consider revising the dialogue to make it more impactful and realistic. Focus on building tension and suspense through the characters' interactions and actions.
  • Enhance the emotional depth of the scene by delving into Sidney's internal struggle and the weight of her decisions. Develop the resolution with Billy and Stu to create a more satisfying and cathartic conclusion.
  • Provide more detailed descriptions of the action sequences to create a vivid and engaging visual experience for the reader. Work on refining the pacing of the scene to maintain a consistent tone and build towards a climactic resolution.



Characters in the screenplay, and their arcs:

ghost masked figure

The Ghost Masked Figure is a terrifying and mysterious antagonist who lurks in the shadows, wielding a deadly weapon and instilling fear and dread in the audience. Their presence is menacing and their actions are calculated and ruthless. They have a ghostly white mask, soulless eyes, and a silent but deadly demeanor. Their speaking style is minimal but chilling, with a cold, emotionless tone that adds to their eerie and threatening presence. The Ghost Masked Figure's dialogue is non-verbal, relying on gestures and actions to convey their sinister intentions.



sidney prescott

Sidney is a strong, independent, and resilient teenage girl who is vulnerable in her relationships and haunted by past traumas. She is emotionally complex, dealing with suspicions about her father, the trauma of recent attacks, and the uncertainty surrounding her safety. Despite her fears and doubts, Sidney shows unwavering determination, strength, and courage in the face of danger. Her speaking style is direct, assertive, and honest, with moments of vulnerability and raw emotion.



sidney

Sidney is a strong, resilient, and courageous young woman who is deeply affected by the tragic events unfolding in her small town. She is intelligent, compassionate, and emotionally complex, grappling with past trauma while facing new threats with determination and bravery. Sidney's speaking style is direct, emotional, and urgent, reflecting her inner turmoil and unwavering quest for truth and justice.



tatum

Tatum is a feisty, confident, and loyal friend who is unafraid to speak her mind and challenge stereotypes. She is practical, caring, and protective, with a quick wit and a sarcastic sense of humor that she uses to navigate tense situations. Tatum's speaking style is direct, bold, and straightforward, with a touch of humor and empathy to lighten the mood. She is fiercely devoted to her friends, always ready to defend them and confront injustice with her no-nonsense attitude.



dewey

Dewey is a young and handsome deputy who is eager to prove himself in the field. He is protective, loyal, and caring towards Sidney, showing a compassionate side while also being dedicated to his job. Despite being somewhat naive and easily distracted by Gale's flirtatious behavior, Dewey is brave, resourceful, and willing to put himself in harm's way to help others. His speaking style is authoritative yet empathetic, with a sense of duty and responsibility towards the community, while also being straightforward, polite, and occasionally awkward.



stu

Stu is a complex character who oscillates between being a wannabe cool jock, a laid-back comic relief, a charismatic partygoer, a manipulative antagonist, and a volatile and unpredictable individual. He is defensive, insecure, and quick to anger, using humor and sarcasm to mask his flaws and manipulate those around him. Stu's speaking style is brash, casual, charming, and menacing, with a touch of dark humor that adds to his unsettling nature.



randy

Randy is a witty and sarcastic movie enthusiast with a deep knowledge of horror films. He uses humor as a coping mechanism in dark situations and is unafraid to speak his mind. Randy's speaking style is fast-paced, filled with pop culture references, and laced with dark humor. He is observant, intelligent, and often serves as the voice of reason in the group, providing crucial information to the protagonist. Despite his humorous facade, Randy is resourceful, determined, and loyal to his friends.



billy

Billy is a conflicted character who is torn between his caring and protective nature towards Sidney and his manipulative and sinister tendencies. Throughout the screenplay, he struggles to prove his innocence while facing suspicion and danger, ultimately revealing his true motives and dark nature. His speaking style varies from caring and supportive to manipulative and menacing, showcasing his complex and multifaceted personality.



gale weathers

Gale is a determined and ambitious journalist who thrives on sensationalism and breaking news. She is confident, sharp-tongued, and unafraid to take risks to get the story. Her speaking style is assertive, confrontational, and sharp, reflecting her relentless pursuit of the truth. Gale uses provocative language and clever wordplay to challenge those around her and assert her authority.



gale

Gale is a driven and ambitious journalist with a sharp intellect and a relentless pursuit of the truth. She is confident, assertive, and unafraid to take risks to get the story, often blurring the lines between professionalism and personal interest. Gale's speaking style is direct, assertive, and filled with wit, sarcasm, and charm.



CharacterArcCritiqueSuggestions
ghost masked figure The Ghost Masked Figure starts off as a mysterious and menacing threat, lurking in the shadows and posing a danger to the protagonist. As the story progresses, their relentless pursuit of the protagonist intensifies, driving the tension and suspense of the scene. However, as the climax approaches, a revelation about the Ghost Masked Figure's true identity and motivations is unveiled, adding depth and complexity to their character. Ultimately, the Ghost Masked Figure meets their demise in a dramatic and satisfying conclusion. The character arc of the Ghost Masked Figure is well-developed and adds intrigue to the story. However, there could be more opportunities to explore their backstory and motivations throughout the screenplay to further enhance their character development. Additionally, the resolution of the Ghost Masked Figure's arc could be more impactful and emotionally resonant for the audience. To improve the character arc of the Ghost Masked Figure, consider incorporating flashback scenes or dialogue that provide insight into their past and what drives their actions. This will add depth to the character and make their ultimate fate more meaningful. Additionally, focus on building a stronger emotional connection between the Ghost Masked Figure and the audience to create a more impactful resolution to their arc.
sidney prescott Sidney Prescott's character arc in the screenplay follows her journey from a vulnerable and haunted teenager to a strong and resilient protagonist who confronts her fears head-on. Throughout the story, Sidney grapples with suspicions about her father, the trauma of the recent attacks, and the uncertainty surrounding her safety. As the plot unfolds, Sidney's emotional depth and resilience are tested, leading her to face her fears and confront the killer. By the end of the screenplay, Sidney emerges as a survivor who has overcome her past traumas and found strength in the face of danger. The character arc for Sidney Prescott is well-developed and engaging, showcasing her growth and transformation throughout the story. However, there could be more emphasis on Sidney's internal struggles and emotional journey to add depth to her character. Additionally, providing more insight into Sidney's relationships with other characters and how they impact her growth could enhance the overall arc. To improve the character arc for Sidney Prescott, consider delving deeper into her internal struggles and emotional journey. Show how her relationships with other characters, such as Billy and Dewey, influence her growth and transformation. Additionally, explore Sidney's vulnerabilities and fears in more detail to add complexity to her character. By focusing on these aspects, the character arc for Sidney Prescott can become even more compelling and impactful.
sidney Sidney's character arc in the screenplay follows her journey from a vulnerable and fearful survivor of past trauma to a brave and determined protagonist who confronts her fears head-on and fights for justice. Throughout the story, Sidney learns to trust herself and others, overcomes her inner demons, and ultimately finds closure and peace. The character arc for Sidney is well-developed and engaging, showcasing her growth and resilience in the face of adversity. However, there could be more emphasis on her internal struggles and emotional depth to further enhance her complexity and relatability to the audience. To improve the character arc for Sidney, consider incorporating more scenes that delve into her past trauma and its impact on her present actions. Show moments of vulnerability and introspection to highlight her emotional journey and growth. Additionally, explore her relationships with other characters to add depth and complexity to her interactions.
tatum Tatum starts off as a carefree and outspoken character who provides comic relief and support to Sidney. As the story progresses, she becomes more protective and assertive, facing danger head-on and showcasing her bravery and resilience in the face of a life-threatening situation. Tatum's character arc culminates in her ultimate sacrifice to protect Sidney, solidifying her loyalty and courage. The character arc for Tatum is well-developed, showcasing her evolution from a carefree friend to a brave and selfless protector. However, there could be more depth added to her internal struggles and motivations leading up to her sacrifice. Additionally, exploring Tatum's vulnerabilities and fears could add complexity to her character and make her ultimate sacrifice even more impactful. To improve the character arc for Tatum, consider delving deeper into her backstory and relationships with other characters to provide more context for her actions. Show moments of vulnerability and doubt to make her eventual sacrifice more poignant and emotionally resonant. Additionally, explore Tatum's growth and transformation throughout the story, highlighting the internal conflicts she faces as she navigates the dangers and challenges she encounters.
dewey Dewey starts off as a young and somewhat naive deputy who is eager to prove himself and protect the town. Throughout the screenplay, he faces challenges that test his bravery, resourcefulness, and dedication to his job. Despite being underestimated by others, Dewey grows to become a more confident and capable law enforcement officer, ultimately earning the respect of his peers and the community. The character arc for Dewey is well-developed, showcasing his growth from a young and naive deputy to a confident and capable law enforcement officer. However, there could be more emphasis on his internal struggles and personal development to make his transformation more impactful and relatable to the audience. To improve the character arc for Dewey, consider adding scenes that delve deeper into his internal struggles, fears, and motivations. Show how his experiences and interactions with other characters shape his growth and development throughout the screenplay. Additionally, explore his relationships with Sidney and Gale in more depth to add complexity and depth to his character.
stu Stu starts off as a wannabe cool jock trying to impress others but gradually descends into a manipulative and twisted individual driven by sadistic pleasure. His loyalty to Billy leads him to commit violent acts, culminating in a chaotic and unpredictable climax where his true nature is revealed. Ultimately, Stu meets a tragic end as his impulsive and reckless behavior catches up to him. The character arc for Stu is well-developed, showcasing his descent into darkness and eventual downfall. However, the transition from being a laid-back comic relief to a manipulative antagonist could be more gradual and nuanced. Additionally, more insight into Stu's motivations and inner turmoil could add depth to his character. To improve the character arc, consider adding scenes that delve into Stu's backstory and explore the root of his insecurities and violent tendencies. Show moments of internal conflict and moral ambiguity to make his transformation more believable. Additionally, foreshadow Stu's darker side earlier in the screenplay to create a sense of suspense and build tension leading up to the climax.
randy Randy starts off as a comic relief character, providing humor and insight throughout the story. As the plot unfolds, he becomes more involved in the central conflict, using his knowledge of horror movies to help solve the mystery and ultimately save the day. Along the way, Randy learns to rely on his intelligence and resourcefulness rather than just his humor, growing into a more well-rounded and capable character by the end of the screenplay. The character arc for Randy is well-developed, showing growth and progression throughout the story. However, it could benefit from more internal conflict or personal stakes to make his journey even more compelling. Additionally, exploring Randy's vulnerabilities or insecurities beneath his witty exterior could add depth to his character and make his arc more emotionally resonant. To improve the character arc for Randy, consider adding a subplot that delves into his personal life or past traumas, giving him more depth and complexity. This could involve exploring his reasons for using humor as a coping mechanism and how he overcomes any internal struggles to become a more fully realized character by the end of the screenplay. Additionally, giving Randy a more personal stake in the central conflict could raise the stakes for him and make his growth more impactful.
billy Billy starts off as a supportive and protective boyfriend to Sidney, but as the story progresses, his manipulative and sinister side is revealed. He becomes the main antagonist driven by a twisted desire for revenge and power, using intimidation and threats to control others. In the climax, his true motives are exposed, leading to a confrontation with Sidney where he meets his downfall. The character arc for Billy is well-developed and engaging, showcasing a gradual transformation from a caring boyfriend to a manipulative antagonist. However, the transition from his caring nature to his sinister side could be more nuanced and impactful. It would be beneficial to provide more hints and foreshadowing of his dark tendencies earlier in the screenplay to make his transformation more believable. To improve the character arc for Billy, consider incorporating subtle hints of his manipulative and sinister nature from the beginning of the screenplay. This could include small actions or dialogue that foreshadow his true motives, creating a more seamless transition to his darker side. Additionally, exploring the internal conflict within Billy as he grapples with his conflicting emotions and desires could add depth to his character development.
gale weathers Gale starts off as a cunning and opportunistic journalist who will do whatever it takes to get the story. However, as she delves deeper into the investigation, she begins to realize the impact her actions have on others. Through a series of events, she learns the importance of integrity and ethical journalism, ultimately leading her to prioritize the truth over sensationalism and personal gain. The character arc for Gale Weathers is well-developed and provides a compelling journey for the character. However, it could benefit from more nuanced exploration of her internal struggles and growth throughout the screenplay. Additionally, the transition from opportunistic journalist to ethical reporter could be more clearly depicted to enhance the emotional impact of her transformation. To improve the character arc, consider incorporating more internal conflict and moments of self-reflection for Gale as she navigates the ethical dilemmas of journalism. Show her grappling with the consequences of her actions and the impact they have on others, leading to a gradual shift in her priorities. Additionally, ensure that the transformation from opportunistic to ethical journalist is clearly depicted through key moments of decision-making and character development.
gale Throughout the screenplay, Gale starts off as a confrontational and skeptical journalist, but as she navigates through dangerous situations and high-stakes stories, she learns to balance her ambition with integrity. She begins to understand the importance of ethical journalism and the impact of her actions on others. By the end of the screenplay, Gale has evolved into a more empathetic and responsible journalist, using her intelligence and determination for the greater good. The character arc for Gale is well-developed and shows growth and change over the course of the screenplay. However, it could benefit from more specific examples of how Gale's experiences shape her evolution as a journalist. Providing more depth to her internal struggles and moral dilemmas would make her character arc more compelling and relatable to the audience. To improve the character arc for Gale, consider incorporating key moments where she is faced with difficult decisions that challenge her beliefs and values. Show how these experiences impact her emotionally and mentally, leading to her growth and development as a journalist. Additionally, explore her relationships with other characters to further highlight her transformation and provide a more nuanced portrayal of her journey.
Top Correlations and patterns found in the scenes:

Pattern Explanation
High Stakes Scenes Drive Emotional ImpactScenes with high stakes consistently receive higher scores for emotional impact, indicating that a sense of urgency and consequences amplifies the audience's emotional engagement.
Suspense and Intensity Enhance Character ChangesScenes with elevated levels of suspense and intensity often facilitate more significant character changes, suggesting that these elements provide a fertile ground for personal growth and transformation.
Dark and Dramatic Scenes Strengthen Character DevelopmentScenes characterized by darkness and drama tend to receive higher scores for character development, implying that these elements create a backdrop that encourages complex and nuanced character portrayals.
Varied Tones Add Depth to the NarrativeScenes with diverse tones, such as humorous moments amidst tension, contribute to a more engaging and dynamic narrative, preventing the story from becoming monotonous or predictable.
High Concept Scenes Enhance Overall ImpactScenes with strong conceptual elements, such as introducing unique premises or plot twists, often elevate the overall grade, suggesting that innovative ideas can captivate the audience and leave a lasting impression.


Stories Similar to this one

Story Explanation
Scream 2 The sequel to the original Scream film, Scream 2 follows Sidney Prescott as she is once again targeted by a killer wearing a Ghostface mask. The film features similar themes of identity, revenge, and media manipulation as the original.
I Know What You Did Last Summer Released in 1997, I Know What You Did Last Summer follows a group of teenagers who are stalked and murdered by a mysterious killer one year after they accidentally hit and killed a pedestrian. The film shares Scream's focus on teenage characters, the use of a masked killer, and a suspenseful and gory atmosphere.
Urban Legend Released in 1998, Urban Legend follows a group of college students who are terrorized by a killer who targets them based on urban legends. The film features a similar postmodern approach to horror as Scream, examining the impact of media on society.
The Faculty Released in 1998, The Faculty follows a group of high school students who discover that their teachers have been replaced by alien doppelgangers. The film features a similar blend of horror, science fiction, and black comedy as Scream.
Final Destination Released in 2000, Final Destination follows a group of high school students who cheated death and are now being hunted by a mysterious force. The film features a similar focus on death and premonition as Scream.
Halloween Released in 1978, Halloween follows Michael Myers, a masked killer who stalks and murders teenage babysitters on Halloween night. The film shares Scream's use of a masked killer, a suspenseful atmosphere, and a focus on the vulnerability of young women.
Friday the 13th Released in 1980, Friday the 13th follows Jason Voorhees, a masked killer who stalks and murders teenagers at Camp Crystal Lake. The film shares Scream's use of a masked killer, a suspenseful atmosphere, and a focus on the vulnerability of young people.
Psycho Released in 1960, Psycho follows Norman Bates, a motel owner with a twisted past and a penchant for killing. The film shares Scream's focus on a disturbed killer, a suspenseful atmosphere, and a shocking twist ending.
The Silence of the Lambs Released in 1991, The Silence of the Lambs follows FBI trainee Clarice Starling as she seeks the help of imprisoned serial killer Hannibal Lecter to catch a new killer. The film shares Scream's focus on a complex and intelligent killer, a suspenseful atmosphere, and a psychological thriller.
Seven Released in 1995, Seven follows two detectives as they investigate a series of murders that are based on the seven deadly sins. The film shares Scream's focus on a dark and twisted killer, a suspenseful atmosphere, and a shocking ending.

Here are different Tropes found in the screenplay

Trope Trope Details Trope Explanation
Final GirlSidney Prescott emerges as the final girl who survives the attacks and confronts the killers.The Final Girl trope is a common horror movie trope where a female character, often portrayed as innocent and resourceful, is the last one standing and confronts the killer. An example of this trope is Laurie Strode in 'Halloween.'
Phone Call from the KillerThe killer makes threatening phone calls to the victims, creating tension and fear.The Phone Call from the Killer trope is a classic horror movie trope where the killer taunts and threatens their victims over the phone. An example of this trope is the movie 'Scream.'
Masked KillerThe killer wears a mask to conceal their identity and create a sense of mystery and fear.The Masked Killer trope is a common horror movie trope where the antagonist wears a mask to hide their face and add an element of suspense. An example of this trope is the character of Ghostface in the 'Scream' franchise.
False DeathCharacters are thought to be dead but later reveal they are alive, leading to surprise and suspense.The False Death trope is a common plot device in horror movies where a character is believed to be dead, only to later reveal they are alive. An example of this trope is the character of Billy in 'Scream.'
Survival GameThe characters are forced to play a deadly game to survive, adding tension and stakes to the story.The Survival Game trope is a common horror movie trope where characters must participate in a game or challenge to avoid being killed. An example of this trope is the movie 'Saw.'
Unmasking the KillerThe identity of the masked killer is revealed, often leading to a climactic confrontation.The Unmasking the Killer trope is a common horror movie trope where the true identity of the antagonist is unveiled, usually in a dramatic and suspenseful moment. An example of this trope is the movie 'Friday the 13th.'
Red HerringA character or plot element that is intended to mislead the audience and divert suspicion away from the true killer.The Red Herring trope is a storytelling device used to create suspense and misdirect the audience by introducing false clues or suspects. An example of this trope is the character of Cotton Weary in 'Scream.'
Final ConfrontationThe protagonist faces off against the killer in a climactic showdown, often leading to a resolution of the conflict.The Final Confrontation trope is a common horror movie trope where the hero confronts the antagonist in a dramatic and intense battle. An example of this trope is the final showdown between Laurie Strode and Michael Myers in 'Halloween.'
Character ArcThe protagonist undergoes a transformation or growth throughout the story, leading to a change in their character.The Character Arc trope is a common storytelling device where a character experiences personal development or change over the course of the narrative. An example of this trope is the character of Sidney Prescott in the 'Scream' franchise.
Jump ScareSudden and unexpected moments of fright designed to startle the audience.The Jump Scare trope is a horror movie staple where a sudden loud noise or visual shock is used to scare the audience. An example of this trope is the jump scare in the movie 'The Conjuring.'


Theme Theme Details Themee Explanation
Terror and SuspenseThe film is a horror movie, so it is full of suspenseful and terrifying moments. The killer is a masked figure who stalks and murders the teenagers, and there are many scenes of violence and gore. The film also has a lot of jump scares, which helps to keep the audience on the edge of their seats.The theme of terror and suspense is essential to the film, as it is what makes the film so effective at scaring the audience.
Strengthening Terror and Suspense:
Suggestion Type How to Strengthen the Theme
Visual - Scene 1 Incorporate unsettling visual elements into the background, such as flickering lights, shadows moving on their own, or subtle noises that create a sense of unease.
Dialogue - Scene 2 Expand the caller's dialogue to include more cryptic and ambiguous phrases that hint at the sinister nature of the situation.
Action - Scene 3 Add a moment where Casey frantically searches for a way out of the backyard, only to be cornered by the killer.
Character Arc - Scene 4 Extend Casey's struggle scene to showcase her resilience and determination to survive.
Story Arc - Scene 22 Establish a seemingly unrelated event in the background that foreshadows the killer's presence and the impending danger.
The Power of FearThe film explores the power of fear, and how it can be used to control people. The killer uses fear to terrorize the teenagers, and he is able to manipulate them into doing what he wants. The film also shows how fear can be used to divide people, as the teenagers turn against each other in order to survive.The theme of the power of fear is a complex one, and it is one of the things that makes the film so thought-provoking.
The Importance of TrustThe film also explores the importance of trust. The teenagers are initially suspicious of each other, but they eventually learn to trust each other in order to survive. The film shows how trust is essential for survival, and how it can help people to overcome even the most difficult challenges.The theme of the importance of trust is a positive one, and it is one of the things that makes the film so heartwarming.


Screenwriting Resources on Themes

Articles

Site Description
Studio Binder Movie Themes: Examples of Common Themes for Screenwriters
Coverfly Improving your Screenplay's theme
John August Writing from Theme

YouTube Videos

Title Description
Story, Plot, Genre, Theme - Screenwriting Basics Screenwriting basics - beginner video
What is theme Discussion on ways to layer theme into a screenplay.
Thematic Mistakes You're Making in Your Script Common Theme mistakes and Philosophical Conflicts
Voice Analysis
Summary: The writer's original voice throughout the screenplay is characterized by its balance of suspense, sharp dialogue, and emotional depth, which effectively captures the mood, themes, and depth of the story.
Voice Contribution The writer's unique voice contributes to the script by creating a distinct and engaging atmosphere that immerses the reader in the narrative and enhances the overall impact of the screenplay.
Best Representation Scene 10 - A Night of Comfort and Fear
Best Scene Explanation Scene 10 effectively encapsulates the writer's unique voice through its intense dialogue, sharp pacing, and blend of suspense and humor. It showcases the writer's ability to create a compelling and engaging narrative that captivates the reader.
Goals and Philosophical Conflict
internal GoalsThe protagonist's internal goal in the screenplay is to survive and protect herself and her loved ones from the killers. This reflects her deep need for safety and security.
External Goals The protagonist's external goal in the screenplay is to defeat the killers and escape the dangerous situation she is in. This reflects the immediate challenge she faces of staying alive and outsmarting her attackers.
Philosophical Conflict The overarching philosophical conflict in the screenplay is the clash between good and evil, sanity and madness, justice and revenge. The protagonist's struggle with the ongoing threats and the unresolved trauma from her mother's murder highlight these conflicting values.


Character Development Contribution: The internal goals and philosophical conflicts contribute to the protagonist's development by challenging her beliefs, values, and perceptions. Through these challenges, she is forced to confront her fears, trauma, and insecurities, ultimately leading to growth and resilience.

Narrative Structure Contribution: The internal and external goals drive the narrative structure of the screenplay, creating tension, suspense, and emotional depth. The philosophical conflicts add depth to the plot by exploring complex themes of morality, justice, and the human psyche.

Thematic Depth Contribution: The goals and philosophical conflicts contribute to the thematic depth of the screenplay by exploring fundamental questions about good and evil, survival and justice, trust and betrayal. These themes resonate throughout the story, culminating in a powerful exploration of human nature and resilience.

Screenwriting Resources on Goals and Philosophical Conflict

Articles

Site Description
Creative Screenwriting How Important Is A Character’s Goal?
Studio Binder What is Conflict in a Story? A Quick Reminder of the Purpose of Conflict

YouTube Videos

Title Description
How I Build a Story's Philosophical Conflict How do you build philosophical conflict into your story? Where do you start? And how do you develop it into your characters and their external actions. Today I’m going to break this all down and make it fully clear in this episode.
Endings: The Good, the Bad, and the Insanely Great By Michael Arndt: I put this lecture together in 2006, when I started work at Pixar on Toy Story 3. It looks at how to write an "insanely great" ending, using Star Wars, The Graduate, and Little Miss Sunshine as examples. 90 minutes
Tips for Writing Effective Character Goals By Jessica Brody (Save the Cat!): Writing character goals is one of the most important jobs of any novelist. But are your character's goals...mushy?
World Building
  • Physical environment: The screenplay is set in a suburban town, with a focus on a group of teenagers. The physical environment is characterized by spacious homes, large yards, and a sense of isolation. This setting creates a sense of vulnerability for the characters, and adds to the suspense and fear of the film.
  • Culture: The culture of the town is depicted as being fairly typical of a small town in the United States. The teenagers are interested in popular culture, such as horror movies and music, and they spend their time hanging out at the local mall or movie theater. This sense of normalcy makes the events of the film even more shocking and terrifying.
  • Society: The society of the town is depicted as being fairly close-knit, with everyone knowing everyone else. This sense of community adds to the tension of the film, as it makes it more difficult for the characters to escape their pursuers.
  • Technology: The screenplay makes use of several technological elements, such as telephones, radios, and televisions. These elements are used to create a sense of suspense and fear, as the characters are constantly being reminded of the danger that they are in.
  • Characters influence: The world elements in the screenplay have a significant impact on the characters' experiences and actions. The physical environment, for example, creates a sense of isolation and vulnerability for the characters, which makes them more susceptible to fear and panic. The culture of the town also plays a role in shaping the characters' behavior, as they are influenced by the values and norms of their community.
  • Narrative contribution: The world elements in the screenplay also contribute to the narrative of the film. The physical environment, for example, is used to create a sense of suspense and fear, as the characters are constantly being reminded of the danger that they are in. The culture of the town also plays a role in shaping the narrative, as it influences the characters' decisions and actions.
  • Thematic depth contribution: The world elements in the screenplay also contribute to the thematic depth of the film. The physical environment, for example, can be seen as a symbol of the characters' inner turmoil. The culture of the town can also be seen as a symbol of the characters' search for belonging. The technology in the screenplay can be seen as a symbol of the characters' attempts to control their environment.
Story Engine Analysis

central conflict

The central conflict driving the narrative is Sidney Prescott's struggle to survive and uncover the identity of the masked killer who is targeting her and her friends.

primary motivations

  • Survival - Sidney's primary motivation is to survive the attacks and protect herself and her loved ones.
  • Justice - Seeking justice for her mother's murder and the recent killings in town.
  • Trust - The struggle to trust the right people amidst betrayal and deception.

catalysts

Key catalysts include the mysterious phone calls, the escalating violence of the killer, and the revelation of the true identities of the killers.

barriers

Major barriers include the constant threat of the killer, the lack of trust among characters, and the manipulation and deception by the killers.

themes

Themes of betrayal, trust, survival, justice, and the impact of past trauma are central to the story's engine.

stakes

The stakes involve life and death, the truth about past events, and the safety of the characters involved.

uniqueness factor

The unique factor in this story is the blending of horror and mystery elements with a focus on the psychological impact of trauma and betrayal on the characters.

audience hook

The main audience hook is the suspenseful and thrilling nature of the story, combined with the mystery of uncovering the killer's identity.

paradoxical engine or bisociation

The paradoxical engine in this story is the juxtaposition of trust and betrayal, where characters must navigate who to trust in a situation where deception is rampant.

paradoxical engine or bisociation 2

Another option for the bisociation engine could be the interplay between past trauma and present danger, where characters must confront their past while dealing with immediate threats.


Engine: Claude

Screenplay Rating:

Recommend

Executive Summary

The 'Scream' screenplay is a well-crafted, genre-blending thriller that effectively balances suspense, character development, and social commentary. The narrative is compelling, with tight pacing and well-executed plot twists that keep the audience engaged. The characters are well-developed, with clear motivations and arcs that drive the story forward. While there are a few areas for potential improvement, such as tighter plot structure and more distinct visual style, the screenplay's strengths – including strong dialogue, effective use of horror tropes, and thematic depth – make it a strong candidate for consideration.

Strengths
  • The screenplay has a strong, compelling narrative that effectively blends horror, thriller, and mystery elements. The plot twists and character revelations keep the audience engaged and on the edge of their seats throughout. high
  • The characters are well-developed, with clear motivations and arcs that drive the story forward. The central conflict between Sidney and the killers is emotionally resonant and adds depth to the horror. high
  • The dialogue is sharp, witty, and true to the characters, with moments of humor that provide relief from the tension. medium
  • The screenplay effectively builds suspense and atmosphere, utilizing classic horror tropes and techniques to create a sense of dread and impending doom. high
  • The story has a strong, thematic backbone that explores relevant social and psychological issues, such as grief, trauma, and the impact of media and popular culture on the human psyche. high
Areas of Improvement
  • Some of the plot points and character actions could be more tightly structured and logically consistent, as there are a few moments that feel a bit contrived or convenient. medium
  • While the dialogue is generally strong, there are a few instances where the characters' voices feel a bit too similar or the banter feels a bit forced. low
MissingElements
  • The screenplay could potentially benefit from a more distinct visual style or aesthetic, as the description of the settings and environments is somewhat generic at times. medium
NotablePoints
  • The screenplay's exploration of the media's role in shaping public perception and perpetuating violence is a thought-provoking and timely element that adds depth to the story. high
  • The use of classic horror tropes and meta-references to the genre are effective in creating a sense of self-awareness and adding an extra layer of complexity to the narrative. high
  • The climactic showdown between Sidney and the killers is a well-executed and tension-filled sequence that delivers a satisfying and emotional payoff to the story. high

Engine: GPT4

Screenplay Rating:

Consider

Executive Summary

The screenplay for 'Scream' presents a compelling and innovative take on the horror genre by blending traditional horror elements with self-referential humor and modern technological themes. It offers strong character development, particularly of its protagonist, Sidney, and maintains a brisk pace with effective suspense and twists. While it could benefit from deeper exploration of character motivations and more varied settings, its clever use of horror tropes and unexpected plot twists make it a strong candidate for production, particularly appealing to young audiences and horror genre enthusiasts.

Strengths
  • The screenplay effectively utilizes suspense and surprise, maintaining a high level of tension and engagement throughout. high
  • Character development, especially of Sidney, is well-executed, showing a clear arc from innocence to empowerment. high ( Scene 1  Scene 36  )
  • Dialogue is sharp and often laced with meta-humor, which enriches the viewing experience by acknowledging horror movie tropes. medium ( Scene 12  Scene 30  )
  • The twist ending is unexpected and subverts typical genre expectations, providing a fresh take on the slasher genre. high ( Scene 39  )
  • The pacing is brisk and effective, with scenes transitioning smoothly to keep the story moving forward compellingly. medium
Areas of Improvement
  • Some character motivations, particularly the killers', could be explored in more depth to enhance believability. medium
  • The screenplay occasionally relies too heavily on genre clichés which might be predictable for seasoned viewers of horror films. low
  • There are moments where the dialogue can feel forced or unnatural, particularly in scenes with high emotional tension. medium
  • The setting descriptions are sometimes vague, which could lead to inconsistencies in production design. low
  • The final act could benefit from a clearer setup of stakes to heighten the climax's impact. medium
MissingElements
  • Backstories for key characters like the killers could be more detailed to provide clearer motivations and richer character depth. high
  • There is a lack of strong secondary character arcs, which could be developed to enhance the story's depth and emotional impact. medium
  • The script could benefit from more varied settings to avoid the feeling of repetitiveness and to expand the narrative scope. medium
  • There is an opportunity to include more red herrings to maintain suspense and keep the audience guessing. medium
  • The emotional responses of characters to deaths and attacks could be more deeply explored to enhance realism and viewer empathy. medium
NotablePoints
  • The screenplay cleverly uses self-awareness of horror tropes to engage the audience and comment on the genre itself. high
  • The use of technology, particularly the mobile phone, is effectively integrated into the plot, reflecting modern societal issues. medium
  • The script's blend of horror and comedy elements is notable, as it balances fear with humor effectively. high
  • The dynamic between the protagonist and the antagonist is well crafted, providing a compelling cat-and-mouse game. high
  • The narrative structure is tight and well-constructed, with each act clearly defined and contributing to the overall story arc. medium
Memorable lines in the script:

Scene Number Line
37Billy: Movies don't create psychos. Movies just make psychos more creative.
36Billy: We all go a little mad sometimes.
39Sidney: This is for my Mom, asshole.
31Randy: There are certain rules that one must abide by in order to successfully survive a horror movie. For instance: 1. You can never have sex. The minute you get a little nookie – you're as good as gone. Sex always equals death. 2. Never drink or do drugs. The sin factor. It's an extension of number one. And 3. Never, ever, ever, under any circumstances, say 'I'll be right back.'
38Sidney: Gotta find me first, you pansy-assed Mama's boy.